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display: block; } - .figcenter {font-size: .9em; page-break-inside: avoid; max-width: 100%; } - .x-ebookmaker img {max-height: 30em; max-width: 100%; } - .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } - .ol_1 li {font-size: .9em; } - .x-ebookmaker .ol_1 li {padding-left: 1em; text-indent: 0em; } - body {font-family: Georgia, serif; text-align: justify; } - table {font-size: .9em; padding: 1.5em .5em 1em; page-break-inside: avoid; - clear: both; } - div.titlepage {text-align: center; page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; } - div.titlepage p {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 3em; } - .ph1 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: xx-large; - margin: .67em auto; page-break-before: always; } - .ph2 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; - page-break-before: always; } - .x-ebookmaker p.dropcap:first-letter { float: left; } -</style> - </head> - <body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The education of Uncle Paul, by Algernon Blackwood</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The education of Uncle Paul</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Algernon Blackwood</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: December 31, 2022 [eBook #69668]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Richard Tonsing and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EDUCATION OF UNCLE PAUL ***</div> - -<div class='tnotes covernote'> - -<p class='c000'><strong>Transcriber’s Note:</strong></p> - -<p class='c000'>The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p> - -</div> - -<div class='chapter ph1'> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div>THE</div> - <div class='c002'>EDUCATION OF UNCLE PAUL</div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/logo.jpg' alt='' class='ig001'> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div>MACMILLAN AND CO., <span class='sc'>Limited</span></div> - <div class='c002'>LONDON · BOMBAY · CALCUTTA</div> - <div>MELBOURNE</div> - <div class='c003'>THE MACMILLAN COMPANY</div> - <div class='c002'>NEW YORK · BOSTON · CHICAGO</div> - <div>ATLANTA · SAN FRANCISCO</div> - <div class='c003'>THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, <span class='sc'>Ltd.</span></div> - <div>TORONTO</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='titlepage'> - -<div> - <h1 class='c004'>THE EDUCATION OF UNCLE PAUL</h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div><span class='small'>BY</span></div> - <div class='c002'><span class='xlarge'>ALGERNON BLACKWOOD</span></div> - <div class='c002'><span class='small'>AUTHOR OF</span></div> - <div><span class='small'>‘JIMBO,’ ‘JOHN SILENCE,’ ‘THE LISTENER,’ ETC.</span></div> - <div class='c003'>MACMILLAN AND CO., LIMITED</div> - <div>ST. MARTIN’S STREET, LONDON</div> - <div>1909</div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<p class='c005'>Know you what it is to be a child? It is to be something very -different from the man of to-day. It is to have a spirit yet streaming -from the waters of baptism; it is to believe in love, to believe in -loveliness, to believe in belief; it is to be so little that the elves can -reach to whisper in your ear; it is to turn pumpkins into coaches, and -mice into horses, lowness into loftiness, and nothing into everything, -for each child has its fairy godmother in its own soul; it is to live in -a nutshell and to count yourself the king of infinite space; it is</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>To see a world in a grain of sand,</div> - <div class='line'>And a heaven in a wild flower,</div> - <div class='line'>Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,</div> - <div class='line'>And eternity in an hour;</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>it is to know not as yet that you are under sentence of life, nor petition -that it is to be commuted into death.—<span class='sc'>Francis Thompson.</span></p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div>TO</div> - <div class='c002'>ALL THOSE CHILDREN</div> - <div class='c002'>BETWEEN THE AGES OF EIGHT AND EIGHTY</div> - <div class='c002'>WHO LED ME TO ‘THE CRACK’;</div> - <div class='c002'>AND HAVE SINCE JOURNEYED WITH ME THROUGH IT</div> - <div class='c002'>INTO</div> - <div class='c002'>THE LAND ‘BETWEEN YESTERDAY AND TO-MORROW’</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER I</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in20'>... I stand as mute</div> - <div class='line'>As one with full strong music in his heart</div> - <div class='line'>Whose fingers stray upon a shattered lute.</div> - <div class='line in30'><span class='sc'>Alice Meynell.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>All night the big liner had been plunging heavily, -but towards morning she entered quieter water, and -when the passengers woke, her rising and falling over -the great swells was so easy that even the sea-sick -women admitted the relief.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Land in sight, sir! We shall see Liverpool -within twenty hours now, barring fog.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The friendly bathroom steward passed the open -door of Stateroom No. 28, and the big, brown-bearded -man in the blue serge suit who was sitting, -already dressed, on the edge of the port-hole berth, -started as though he had been shot, and ran up on -deck without waiting to finish tying the laces of his -india-rubber shoes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘By Jove!’ he said, as he thundered along the -stuffy passages of the rolling vessel, and ‘By Gad!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He emerged on the upper deck in the sunlight, -having nearly injured several persons in his impetuous -<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span>journey, and, taking a great gulp of the salt air with -keen satisfaction, he crossed to the side in a couple -of strides, the shoe-laces clicking against the deck -as he went.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Twenty years ago,’ he muttered, ‘when I was -barely out of my teens. And now——!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The big man was distinctly excited, though -‘moved’ perhaps is the better word, seeing that the -emotion was a little too searching, too tinged with -sadness, to include elation. He plunged both hands -into his coat pockets with a violence that threatened -to tear the bottoms out, and leaned over the railing.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Far away a faint blue line, tinged delicately with -green, rose out of the sea. He saw it instantly, and -his throat tightened unexpectedly, almost like a -reflex action. For, about that simple little blue line -on the distant horizon there was something strangely -seizing, something absolutely arresting. The sight -of it was a hundred times more poignant than he had -imagined it would be; it touched a thousand springs -of secret life in him, and a mist rose faintly before -his eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul Rivers had not realised that his emotion -would be so intense; but from that instant everything -on the ship, otherwise familiar and rather -boring, looked different. A new sense of locality -came to him. The steamer became strange and -new; he ‘recognised’ bits of it as though he had -just come aboard a ship known aforetime. It was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span>no longer the steamer that was merely crossing the -Atlantic; it was the boat that was bringing him -home. And there, trimming the horizon in a thin -ribbon of most arresting beauty, was the coast-line -of the first Island.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But it seems so much more solid—and so much -more real than I expected!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Though it was barely seven o’clock a few early -passengers were already astir, and he made his way -back again to the lower deck and thence climbed up -into the bows. He wished to be alone. Another -man, apparently from the steerage, was there before -him, leaning over the rail and peering fixedly under -one hand at the horizon. The saloon passenger -took up his position a few feet farther on and stared -hard. He, too, stared with the eyes of memory, now -grown a little dim. The air was fresh and sweet, -fragrant of long sea distances; there was a soft -warmth in it too, for it was late April and the spring -made its presence known even on the great waters -where there was nothing to hang its fairy banners on.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So that’s land! That’s the Old Country!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The words dropped out of their own accord; he -could not help himself. The sky seemed to come -down a little closer, with a more familiar and friendly -touch; the very air, he fancied, had a new taste in -it,—a whiff of his boyhood days—a smell of childhood -and the things of childhood—ages ago, it -seemed, in another life.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span>The huge ship rose and fell on the regular, sweeping -swells, and sea-birds from the land already came -out to meet her. He easily imagined that the -thrills in the depths of his own being somehow -communicated themselves to the mighty vessel that -tore the seas asunder in her great desire to reach -the land.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Twenty years,’ he repeated aloud, oblivious of -his neighbour, ‘twenty years since I last saw it!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And it’s gol-darned nearer fifty since <em>I</em> seen it,’ -exclaimed a harsh voice just behind him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He turned with a start. The steerage passenger -beside him, he saw, was an old man with a rough, -grey face, and hair turning white; the hand that -shaded his eyes was thick and worn; there was -a heavy gold ring on the little finger, and the dirty -cuff of a dark flannel shirt tumbled, loosely and unbuttoned, -over the very solid wrist. The face, he -noticed, at a second glance, was rugged, beaten, -scored, the face of a man who had tumbled terribly -about life, battered from pillar to post; and it was -only the light in the hard blue eyes—eyes still fixed -unwaveringly on the distant line of the land—that -redeemed it from a kind of grim savagery. Beaten -and battered, yes! Yet at the same time triumphant. -The atmosphere of the man proclaimed in some -vibrant fashion beyond analysis that he had failed in -all he undertook—failed from stupidity rather than -character, and always doggedly beginning over again -<span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span>with the same lack of intelligence—but yet had never -given in, and never would give in.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was not difficult to reconstruct his history from -his appearance; or to realise his feelings as he saw -the Old Country after fifty years—a returned failure. -Although the voice had vibrated with emotion, the -face remained expressionless and unmoved; but -down both cheeks large tears ran slowly, in sudden -jerks, to drop with a splash upon the railing. And -Paul Rivers, after his intuitive fashion, grasped the -whole drama of the man with a sudden completeness -that touched him with swift sympathy. At the -same time he could not help thinking of rain-drops -running down the face of a statue. He recognised -with shame that he was conscious of a desire to -laugh.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Fifty years! That’s a long time indeed,’ he said -kindly. ‘It’s half-a-century.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s so, Boss,’ returned the other in a dead -voice that betrayed Ireland overlaid with acquired -American twang and intonation; ‘and I guess now -I’ll never be able to stick it over here. Jest see it—and -then git back again.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He kept his eyes fixed on the horizon, and never -once turned his head towards the man he was speaking -to; only his lips moved; he did not even lift -a finger to brush off the great tears that fell one by -one from his cheeks to the deck. He seemed unconscious -of them; as though it was so long since -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>those hard eyes had melted that they had forgotten -how to do it properly and the skin no longer -registered the sensation of the trickling. The tears -continued to fall at intervals; Paul Rivers actually -heard them splash.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I went out steerage,’ the man continued to himself, -or to the sea, or to any one else who cared -to listen, ‘and I come back steerage. That’s my -trouble. And now’—his eye shifted for a fraction -of a second and watched a huge wave go thundering -by—‘I’m grave-huntin’, I guess. And that’s about -the size of it. Jest see it and—git back again!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The first-class passenger made some kind and -appropriate reply—words with genuine sympathy in -them—and then, getting no further answer, found -it difficult to continue the conversation. The man, -he realised, had only wanted a peg to hang his -emotion on. It had to be a living peg, but any -other living peg would do equally well, and before -long he would find some one in the steerage who -would listen with delight to the flood that was bound -to come. And, presently, he took his departure to -his own quarters where the sailors, with bare feet, -were still swabbing the slippery decks.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A couple of hours later, after breakfast, he leaned -over the rail and again saw the man on the steerage -deck, and heard him talking volubly. The tears -were gone, but the smudges were still visible on the -cheeks, where they had traced a zigzag pattern. He -<span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>was telling the history of his fifty years’ disappointments -and failures to one and all who cared to -listen.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, apparently, many cared to listen. The -man’s emotion was real; it found vigorous expression. -The sight of the old, loved shore, not seen -for half-a-century, but the subject of ten thousand -yearnings, had been too much for him. He told in -detail the substance of these ten thousand dreams—ever -one and the same dream, of course—and in the -telling of it he found the relief his soul sought. He -got it all out; it did him a world of good, saving -his inner being from a whole army of severe mental -fevers and spiritual pains. The man revelled in -a delirium of self-expression, and in so doing found -sanity and health for his overburdened soul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the picture of that hard-faced old man -crying accompanied Paul Rivers to the upper decks, -and remained insistently with him for a long time. -It portrayed with such neat emphasis precisely what -was so deplorably lacking in his own character. -There, in concrete form, though not precisely his -own case, still near enough to be extremely illuminating, -he had seen a grown-up man finding abundant -and natural expression for his emotion. The man -was not ashamed of his tears, and would doubtless -have let them splash on the deck before a hundred -passengers, whereas he, Paul Rivers, was, it seemed, -constitutionally unable to reveal himself, to tell his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>deep longings, to find expression through any sensible -medium for the ten thousand dreams that choked his -life to the brim. He was unable, perhaps ashamed, -to splash on the deck.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was not that the big, bronzed Englishman -wanted to cry, or to wash his soul in sentiment, but -that the sight of this old man’s passion, and its frank -and easy utterance, touched with dramatic intensity -the crying need of his whole temperament. The -need of the steerage passenger was the need of -a moment; his own was the need of an existence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Lucky devil!’ he exclaimed, half laughing, half -sighing, as he went to his cabin for the field-glasses; -‘he knows how to get it out—and does get it out! -while I—with my impossible yearnings and my -absurd diffidence in speaking of them to others—I -haven’t got a single safety-valve of any sort or kind. -I can’t get it out of me—all this ocean in my heart -and soul—not a drop, not even a blessed tear!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He laughed again and, stooping to pick up the -glasses, he caught a glimpse of his sunburned, -bearded face in the cabin mirror.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Even my appearance is against me,’ he went on -with mournful humour; ‘I look like a healthy -lumberman more than anything else in God’s world!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He bent forward and examined himself carefully -in detail.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What has such a face as that to do with -beauty, and the stars, and the moon sinking over -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>a summer sea, or those night-winds I know rising -faintly from their hiding-places in the dim forests -and stealing on soft tiptoe about the sleeping world -until the dawn gives them leave to run and sing? -Yet <em>I</em> know—though I can never tell it to another—what -so many do not know! Who could ever -believe that <em>that</em> man’—he pointed to himself in the -glass, laughing—‘wants above all else in life, above -wealth, fame, success, the knowledge of spiritual -things, which is Reality—which is God?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>A flash of light from nowhere ran over his face, -making it for one instant like the face of a boy, -shining, wonderful, radiantly young.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>I</em> know, for instance,’ he went on, the strange -flush of enthusiasm rising into his eyes, ‘that the -pine trees hold wind in their arms as cups hold rare -wine, and that when it spills I hear the exquisite -trickling of its music—but I can’t tell any one <em>that</em>! -And I can’t even put the wild magic of it into verse -or music. Or even into conduct,’ he concluded with -a laugh, ‘conduct that’s sane, that is. For, if I -could, I should find what I’m for ever seeking -behind all life and behind all expressions of beauty—I -should find the Reality I seek!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ve no safety-valves,’ he added, swinging the -glasses round by their strap to the imminent danger -of various articles of furniture, ‘that’s the long and -short of it. Like a giraffe that can’t make any -sound at all although it has the longest throat -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>in all creation. Everything in me accumulates and -accumulates. If only’—and the strange light came -back for a second to his brown eyes—‘I could write, -or sing, or pray—live as the saints did, or do something -to—to express adequately the sense of beauty -and wonder and delight that lives, like the presence -of a God, in my soul!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The lamp in his eyes faded slowly and he sat -back on the little cabin sofa, screwing and unscrewing -his glasses till it was surprising that the thread -didn’t wear out. And as he screwed, a hundred -fugitive pictures passed thronging through his mind; -moments of yearning and of pain, of sudden happiness -and of equally sudden despondency, vivid moods -of all kinds provoked by the smallest imaginable -fancies, as the way ever was with him. For the -moods of the sky were his moods; the swift, -coloured changes of sea and cloud were mirrored -in his heart as with all too impressionable people, -and he was for ever trying to seize the secret of their -loveliness and to give it form—in vain. Like many -another mystical soul he saw the invisible foundations -of the visible world—longed to communicate it to -others—found he couldn’t—then suffered all the -pain and fever of repression that seeks in vain for -adequate utterance. Too shy to stammer his profound -yearnings to ears that would not hear, and, -never having known the blessed relief of a sympathetic -audience, he perforce remained choked and dumb, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>the only mitigation he knew being that loss of self -which follows prolonged contemplation. In his contemplation -of Nature, for instance, he would gaze -upon the landscape, the sky, a tree or flower, until -their essential beauty passed into his own nature. -For the moment he <em>felt with</em> these things. He <em>was</em> -them. He took their qualities literally into himself. -He lost his ordinary personality by changing its -centre, merging it into those remoter phases of consciousness -which extended from himself mysteriously -to include the landscape, the sky, the tree, the flower.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For him everywhere in Nature there was psychic -energy. And it was difficult to say which was with -him the master passion: to find Reality—God—through -Nature, or to explain Nature through God.</p> - -<p class='c010'>Then the busy faces of America, now left behind -after twenty years, gradually receded, and others, -dimly seen through mist, rose above the horizon of -his thoughts. And among them he saw that two -stood forth with more clearness than the rest. One -of these was Dick Messenger, the friend of his boyhood, -now dead but a few years; and the other, the -face of his sister, Margaret, whom Dick had left a -widow, and whose children he would now see for -the first time at their country home in the South of -England.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The ‘Old Country!’ He repeated the words -softly to himself, weaving it like a coloured thread -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>through all his reverie. He had lived away -long enough to understand the poignant magic that -lies in the little phrase, and to appreciate the seizing -and pathetic beauty lying along that faint blue line -of sea and sky.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And presently he took his field-glasses again and -went up on deck and hid himself in the bows alone. -Leaning over the bulwarks he took the scented wind -of spring full in the face, and watched with a curious -exhilaration the huge rollers, charging and bellowing -like wild bulls of the sea as the ship drew nearer and -nearer to the coast, plunging, leaping, and thundering -as she moved.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER II</h2> -</div> -<p class='c012'>Justice is not done to the versatility and the unplumbed childishness -of man’s imagination. His life from without may seem but a rude -mound of mud, there will be some golden chamber at the heart of it, -in which he dwells delighted; and for as dark as his pathway seems to -the observer, he will have some kind of a bull’s-eye at his belt.—R. L. S.</p> - -<p class='c010'>The case of Paul Rivers after all was very simple, -though perhaps in some respects uncommon. -Circumstances—to sum it up roughly—had so -conspired that the most impressionable portion of -his character—half of his mind and most of his -soul, that is—had never found utterance. He had -never discovered the medium that could carry forth -into the relief of expression all the inner turmoil -and delight of a soul that was very much alive and -singularly in touch with the simple and primitive -forces of the world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was not, as with the returned emigrant, grief -that he felt, but something far more troublesome: -Joy. For the beauty of the world, of character -as of nature, laid a spell upon him that set his heart -in the glow and fever of an inner furnace, while -the play of his imagination among the ‘common’ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>things of life which the rest of the world apparently -thought dull set him often upon the borders of an -ecstasy whereof he found himself unable to communicate -one single letter to his fellow-beings. -Thus, in later years, and out of due season, he was -afflicted and perplexed by a luxuriant growth that -by rights should have been harvested before he was -twenty-five; and a great part of him had neglected -to grow up at all.</p> - -<p class='c011'>This result was due to no fault—no neglect, that -is—of his own, but to circumstances and temperament -combined. It explains, however, why, after -twenty years in the backwoods of America, he saw -the coast of the Old Country with a deep emotion -that was not all delight, but held something also of -dismay.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Left an orphan, with his younger sister, at an -early age, the blundering of trustees had forced him -out into the world before his first term at Cambridge -was over, and after various vicissitudes he had found -his way to America and had been drawn into the -lumber trade. Here his knowledge and love of -trees—it was a veritable passion with him—soon -resulted in a transfer from the Minneapolis office -to the woods, and after an interesting apprenticeship, -he came to hold an important post in which he -was strangely at home. He was appointed to the -post of ‘Wood Cruiser’—forest-traveller, <i><span lang="fr">commis -voyageur</span></i> of the primeval woods. His duties, well -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>paid too, were to survey, judge, mark, and report -upon the qualities and values of the immense timber -limits owned by his Company. And he loved the -work. It was a life of solitude, but a life close to -Nature; borne in his canoe down swift wilderness -streams; meeting the wild animals in their secret -haunts; becoming intimate with dawns and sunsets, -great winds, the magic of storms and stars, and -being initiated into the profound mysteries of the -clean and haunted regions of the world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the effect of this kind of life upon him—especially -at an age when most men are busy -learning more common values in the strife of cities—was -of course significant. For here, in this solitary -existence, the beauty of the world, virgin and -glorious, struck the eyes of his soul and nearly -blinded them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His whole being threw itself inwards upon his -thoughts, and outwards upon what fed his thoughts—the -wonder of Nature. Even as a boy he had -been mystically minded, a poet if ever there was -one, though a poet without a lyre; but at school he -had chanced to come under the influence of masters -who had sought to curb the exuberance of his -imagination, so that he started into life with the -rooted idea that it was something of a disgrace for -a man to be too sensitive to beauty, and to possess -a vivid and coloured imagination was almost a thing -to be ashamed of.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>This view of his only ‘silver talent,’ moreover, -was never permitted by the nature of his life to alter. -His early American experiences stiffened it into a -conviction which he yet despised. The fires ran -hidden, if unchecked. Had he dwelt in cities, they -might have suffered total extinction perhaps, but -here, in the heart of the free woods, they speedily -rose to the surface again and flamed. He grew up -singularly unspoilt, the shyness of the original nature -utterly uncorrected, the stores of a poetic imagination -accumulating steadily, but always unuttered.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For his sole companions all these years when he -had any at all were the ‘Bosses’ of the lumber -camps he inspected, the ‘Cookee’ who looked after -his stew-pot in the ‘home-shack,’ and the half-breed -Indian who accompanied him in the stern-seat of -the bark canoe during the month-long trips about -the wilderness: these—with the animals, winds, stars, -and the forms of beauty his imagination for ever -conjured out of them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For twenty years he lived thus, knowing all the -secrets of the woods and streams. In the summer -he never slept under cover at all, so that even in -sleep he understood, through closed eyelids, the -motions of the stars behind the tangled network of -branches overhead. In winter his snow-shoes carried -him into the heart of the most dazzling scenes -imaginable—the forest lying under many feet of -snow with a cloudless sun lifting it all into an -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>appearance of magic that took the breath away. -Moreover, the fierce spring, when the streams became -impassable floods, and the autumn, with a flaming -glory of gold and scarlet unknown anywhere else -in the world, he knew as intimately as the dryads -themselves.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And all these moods became the intimate companions -of his life, taking the place of men and -women. He came to personify Nature as a matter -of course.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Without knowing it, too, the place of children -was taken somehow by the wild animals. He knew -them all. He surprised them in their haunts in -the course of his silent journeys into the heart of -their playgrounds; and his headquarters—a one-story -shanty on the height of land between his -two chief ‘limits’—was never without a tamed baby -bear, a young moose to draw him on his snow-shoes -with the manners of a well-bred pony, and a dozen -other animals reclaimed from savagery and turned -by some mysterious system of his own into real -companions and confidants.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the only books he read in the long winter -nights, besides a few modern American novels that -puzzled and vaguely distressed him, were Blake, his -loved Greek plays, and the Bible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He rarely saw a woman. Sides of his nature that -ought to have developed under the influences of -normal life at home lay dormant altogether, or were -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>filled as best might be by his intercourse with Nature. -He wrote few letters. After Dick Messenger died, -the formal correspondence he kept up at long -intervals with his sister—Dick’s widow—hardly deserved -the name of letters. Great slabs of him, so -to speak, stopped growing up, sinking down into the -subconscious region to await conditions favourable -for calling them to the surface again, and eventually -coming to life—this was his tragic little secret—at -a time when they were long overdue.</p> - -<p class='c011'>To the end of life he remained shy, shy in the -sense that most of his thoughts and emotions he was -afraid to reveal to others; with the shyness, too, of the -utterly modest soul that cannot believe the world will -give it the very things it has most right to claim, yet -never dares to claim. And to the end Nature never -lifted the spell laid upon him during those twenty -years of initiation in her solitudes. To see the new -moon tilting her silver horns in the west; to hear -the wind rustling in high trees, like old Indians -telling one another secrets of the early world; and -to see the first stars looking down from the height -of sky through spaces of watery blue—these, and a -hundred other things that the majority seemed to -ignore, were to him a more moving and terrible -delight than anything he could imagine. For him -such things could never be explained away, but -remained living and uncorrected to the end.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Thus when, at forty-five, he inherited the fortune -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>of his aunt (which he had always known must one -day come to him), he returned to England with the -shy, bursting, dream-laden heart of a boy, young -as only those are young whom life has kept clean -and sweet in the wilderness; and the question that -sprang to life in his heart when he saw the blue line -of coast was a vague wonder as to what would become -of his full-blooded dreams when tested by the -conventional English life that he remembered as a -boy. To whom could he speak of his childlike -yearning after God; of his swift divinations, his -passionate intuitions into the very things that the -majority put away with childhood? What modern -priest—so he felt, at least—what befuddled mystic, -could possibly enter into the essential nature of these -cravings as he did, or understand, without a sneer, -the unspoilt passions of a man who had never -‘grown up’?</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I shall be out of touch with it all,’ he thought -as he stood there in the bows and watched the -blue line grow nearer, ‘utterly out of touch. What -shall I find to say to the men of my own age—I, -who stopped growing up twenty years ago? How -shall I ever link on with them? Children are the -only things I can talk to, and children!’—he -shrugged his shoulders and laughed—‘children will -find me out at once and give me away to the others.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Dick’s children, though, may be different!’ came -the sudden reflection. ‘Only—I’ve had nothing to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>do with children for such ages. Dick had real -imagination. By George,’—and his eyes glowed -a moment—‘what if they took after him!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And for the fiftieth time, as he pictured the -meeting with his stranger sister, his heart sank, and -he found refuge in the knowledge that he had not -altogether burned his boats behind him. For he -had been wise in his generation. He had arranged -with his Company, who were only too glad of the -chance of keeping his services, that he should go to -England on a year’s leave, and that if in the end he -decided to return he should have a share in the -business, while still continuing the work of forest-inspection -that he loved.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m nothing but a wood cruiser. I shall go -back. In the big world I might lose all my vision!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, having lived so long out of the world, he -now came back to it with this simple, innocent, -imaginative heart of a great boy, a boy still dreaming, -for all his five-and-forty years. Fully realising -that something was wrong with him, that he ought -to be more sedate, more cynical, more prosaic and -sober, he yet could not quite explain to himself -wherein lay the source of his disability. His -thoughts stumbled and blundered when he tried -to lay his finger on it, with the only result that he -felt he would be ‘out of touch’ with his new world, -not knowing exactly how or why.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s a regular log-jam,’ he said, using the phraseology -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>he was accustomed to, ‘and I’m sorry for the -chap that breaks it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It never occurred to him that in this simple thrill -that Nature still gave him he possessed one of the -greatest secrets for the preservation of genuine -youth; indeed, had he understood this, it would -have meant that he was already old. For with the -majority such dreams die young, brushed rudely from -the soul by the iron hand of experience, whereas in -his case it was their persistent survival that lent such -a childlike quality to his shyness, and made him -secretly ashamed of not feeling as grown up as he -realised he ought to feel.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul Rivers, in a word, belonged to a comprehensible -though perhaps not over common type, -and one not often recognised owing to the elaborate -care with which its ‘specimens’ conceal themselves -from the world under all manner of brave disguises. -He was destitute of that nameless quality that constitutes -a human being, not mature necessarily, but -grown up. Sources of inner enthusiasm that most -men lose when life brings to them the fruit of the -Tree of Good and Evil, had kept alive; and though -on the one hand he was secretly ashamed of the -very simplicity of his great delights, on the other -hand he longed intensely for some means by which -he could express them and relieve his burdened soul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He envied the emigrant who could let fall hot -tears on the deck without further ado, while at the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>same time he dreaded the laughter of the world into -which he was about to move when they learned the -cause of the emotions that produced them. A boy -at forty-five! A dreamer of children’s dreams with -fifty in sight—and no practical results!</p> - -<p class='c011'>These were some of the thoughts still tumbling -vaguely about his mind when the tug brought letters -aboard at Queenstown, and on the dining-room table -where they were spread out he found one for himself -in a handwriting that he both welcomed and dreaded.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER III</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>He welcomed it, because for years it had been the -one remaining link with the life of his old home—these -formal epistles that reached him at long -intervals; and he dreaded it, because he knew it -would contain a definite invitation of an embarrassing -description.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘She’s bound to ask me,’ he reflected as he -opened it in his cabin; ‘she can’t help herself. And -I am bound to accept, for I can’t help myself -either.’ He was far too honest to think of inventing -elaborate excuses. ‘I’ve got to go and -spend a month with her right away whether I like -it or not.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was not by any means that he disliked his -sister, for indeed he hardly knew her; after all -these years he barely remembered what she looked -like, the slim girl of eighteen he had left behind. -It was simply that in his mind she stood for the -conventional life, so alien to his vision, to which -he had returned.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He would try to like her, certainly. Very warm -impulses stirred in his heart as he thought of her—his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>only near relative in the world, and the widow -of his old school and Cambridge friend, Dick -Messenger. It was in her handwriting that he -first learned of Dick’s love for her, as it was in -hers that the news of his friend’s death reached -him—after his long tour—two months old. The -handwriting was a symbol of the deepest human -emotions he had known. And for that reason, too, -he dreaded it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He never realised quite what kind of woman -she had become; in his thoughts she had always -remained simply the girl of eighteen—grown up—married. -Her letters had been very kind and -gentle, if in the nature of the case more and more -formal. She became shadowy and vague in his -mind as the years passed, and more and more he -had come to think of her as wholly out of his own -world. Reading between the lines it was not difficult -to see that she attached importance to much -in life that seemed to him unreal and trivial, whereas -the things that he thought vital she never referred -to at all. It might, of course, be merely restraint -concealing great depths. He could not tell. The -letters, after a few years, had become like formal -government reports. He had written fully, however, -to announce his home-coming, and her reply -had been full of genuine pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I don’t think she’ll make very much of me,’ -was the thought in his mind whenever he dwelt -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>upon it. ‘I’m afraid my world must seem foreign—unreal -to her; the things I know rubbish.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>So, in the privacy of his cabin, his heart already -strangely astir by the emotion of that blue line -on the horizon, he read his sister’s invitation and -found it charming. There was spontaneous affection -in it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We shall fix things up between us so that no -one would ever know.’ He did not explain what -it was ‘no one would ever know,’ but went on -to finish the letter. He was to make his home with -her in the country, he read, until he decided what -to do with himself. The tone of the letter made -his heart bound. It was a real welcome, and he -responded to it instantly like a boy. Only one -thing in it seriously disturbed his equanimity. -Absurd as it may seem, the fact that his sister’s -welcome included also that of the children, had a -subtly disquieting effect upon him.</p> - -<p class='c013'>... for they are dying to see you and to find out for -themselves what the big old uncle they have heard so much -about is really like. All their animals are being cleaned -and swept so as to be ready for your arrival, and, in anticipation -of your stories of the backwoods, no other tales find -favour with them any more.</p> - -<p class='c011'>An expression of perplexity puckered his face. -‘I declare, I’m afraid of those children—Dick’s -children!’ he thought, holding the open letter to -his mouth and squinting down the page, while his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>eyebrows rose and his forehead broke into lines. -‘They’ll find out what I am. They’ll betray me. -I shall never be able to hold out against them.’ -He knew only too well how searching was the appeal -that all growing and immature life made to him. -It touched the very centre of him that had refused -to grow up and that made him young with itself. -‘I can no more resist them than I could resist the -baby bears, or that little lynx that used to eat out -of my hand.’ He shrugged his big shoulders, looking -genuinely distressed. ‘And then every one will -know what I am—an overgrown boy—a dumb poet—a -dreamer of dreams that bear no fruit!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He was not morbidly introspective. He was -merely trying to face the little problem squarely. -He got up and staggered across the cabin, steadying -himself against the rolling of the ship in front of -the looking-glass.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Big Old Uncle!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He stuffed the letter into his pocket and surveyed -himself critically. Big he certainly was, but that -other adjective brought with it a sensation of -weariness that had never yet troubled him in his -wilderness existence. He was only a little, just a -very little, on the shady side of forty-five, but to -the children he might seem really old, <em>aged</em>, and -to his sister, who was considerably his junior, as -elderly, and perhaps in need of the comforts of the -elderly.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>He squared his shoulders and looked more closely -into the glass. There, opposite to him, stood a tall, -dignified man in a blue suit, with a spotless linen -collar and a neat tie passing through a gold ring, instead -of the unkempt fellow he was accustomed to in -a flannel shirt, red handkerchief and big sombrero hat -pulled over his eyes; a man weighing the best part -of fifteen stones, lean, well-knit, vigorous, and nearly -six feet three in his socks. A pair of brown eyes, -kindly brown eyes he thought, met his own questioningly, -and a brown beard—yes, it was still brown—covered -the lower part of the face. He put up a -hand to stroke it, and noticed that it was a strong, -muscular hand, sunburnt but well kept, with neat -finger-nails, and a heavy signet ring on one finger. -It brushed across the rather deep lines on the -bronzed forehead, without brushing them away, -however, and then travelled higher to the rough -parting in the dark-brown hair, and the hair, he -noticed, was brushed in a particular way evidently, -a way he thought no one would notice but himself -and the lumber-camp barber who first taught him, -so as to cover up a few places where the wind made -little chilly feelings in winter-time under his fur -cap.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Old? No, not old yet—but “getting on” was -a gentler phrase he could not deny, and there were -certainly odd traces where the crows had walked -on his skin while he slept in the forest, and had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>hopped up even to the corners of his eyes to see if -he were really asleep. There were other lines, too—lines -of exposure, traced by wind and sun, and -one or two queer marks that are said only to come -from prolonged hardship and severest want. For -he had known both sides of the wilderness life, and -on his long journeys Nature had not always been -kind to him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He stared for a long time at his reflection in -the glass, lost in reverie. This coming back to -England after so many years was like looking at -a picture of himself as he was when he had left; -it furnished him with a ready standard of comparison; -the changes of the years stood out very -sharply, as though they had come about in a single -night.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yes, his face and figure had aged a good deal. -He admitted it. And when he frowned he had -distinctly an appearance of middle age. This, of -course, was the absurd part of it, for in spirit he -had remained as young as he was at twenty, as -enthusiastic, hopeful, spontaneous as ever, just as -much in love with the world, and just as full of -boyhood’s dreams as when he went to Cambridge. -And in his eyes still burned the strange flames that -sought to pierce behind the veil of appearances.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And those children will find it out and make me -look ridiculous before I’ve been there a week!’ he -exclaimed again, sitting down on his bunk with a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>crash as the steamer gave a sudden lurch; ‘and then -where shall I be, I’d like to know?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He lay on his back for an hour thinking out a -plan of action. For, of course, he decided that he -must go; only—he must go <em>disguised</em>. And he -spent hours inventing the disguise, and more hours -perfecting it. For the first time in his life he would -adopt a distinct attitude, and, having carefully thought -out the attitude he intended to adopt by way of -disguise, he buckled it on like armour and fastened -it very securely indeed to his large person.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He would be kind; he would even meet the -children half-way, kiss them if necessary at stated -times, in a stated way, and perhaps occasionally unbend -a little as opportunity served and circumstances -permitted. But never must he forget, or allow them -to forget, that he was a stiff and elderly man, a little -grim and gruff, sometimes even severe and short-tempered, -and never to be trifled with at any time, -or under any conditions.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Over the tenderer emotions he must keep especial -watch; these were a direct channel to his secrets, and -once the old unsatisfied enthusiasms escaped, there -was no saying what might happen. The thought -frightened him, for the pain involved might be very -great indeed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>With people of his own age, he realised, the -danger would be less. Silence and reserve cover a -multitude of shortcomings. But children, he knew, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>had a simple audacity, a merciless penetration, that no -mere pose could ever withstand. And this he felt -intuitively, knowing nothing of children, but being -taught by these very qualities in himself. Like little -animals they would soon find the direct channel to -his heart unless well guarded, and come tumbling -along it without delay. And then——!</p> - -<p class='c011'>So Paul Rivers left London the very next day, -glad in many ways to think that he had this haven of -refuge to go to from the noisy horror of the huge -strange city; yet with a sinking of his heart lest his -true self should be discovered, and held up to scorn.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Moreover, the strange part of it was that as he -sped down through the smiling green country that -spring afternoon, armed from head to foot in the -rigid steel casings of his disguise, he seemed to hear -a faint singing deep within him, a singing that -belonged to the youngest part of him and yet sprang -from that which was vastly ancient, but as to the -cause of which he was so puzzled that, in his efforts -to analyse it, he forgot about his journey altogether, -and was nearly carried past the station where he had -to get out.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER IV</h2> -</div> -<p class='c012'>No man worth his spiritual salt can ever become really entangled -in locality.—A. H. L.</p> - -<p class='c010'>The house, like the description of himself in the -letter, was big and old. It consisted of three -rambling wings, each added at a different period to -an original farmhouse, and was thus full of unexpected -staircases, sudden rising passages, and rooms -of queer shapes. It resembled, indeed, the structure -of a mind that has grown by chance and not by -system, and was just as difficult for a stranger to -find his way in.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It stood among pine-woods, at the foot of hills -that ran on another five miles to drop their chalk -cliffs abruptly into the sea. Where the lawns stopped -on one side and the kitchen-garden on the other -began an expanse of undulating heather-land, dotted -with pools of brown water and yellow with patches -of gorse and broom. Here rabbits increased and -multiplied; sea-gulls screamed and flew, using some -of the more secluded ponds for their annual breeding -places; foxes lived happily, unhunted and very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>bold; and the dainty hoof-marks of deer were -sometimes found in the sandy margins of the freshwater -springs.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was beautiful country, a bit of wild England, -out of the world as very few parts of it now are, and -haunted by a loveliness that laid its spell on the heart -of the returned exile the moment he topped the hill in -the dog-cart and saw it spread out before him like a -softly coloured map. The scenery from the train -window had somehow disheartened him a little, -producing a curious sense of confinement, almost -of imprisonment, in his mind: the neat meadows -holding wooden cattle; the careful boundaries of -ditch and hedge; the five-barred gates, strong to -enclose, the countless notices to warn trespassers, and -the universal network of barbed wire. Accustomed -as he was to the vast, unhedged landscapes of a primitive -country, it all looked to him, with its precise -divisions, like a toy garden, combed, washed, swept—exquisitely -cared for, but a little too sweet and perfumed -to be quite wholesome. Only tame things, -he felt, could enjoy so gentle a playground, and the -call of his own forests—for this really was what -worked in him—sang out to him with a sterner cry.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But this view from the ridge pleased him more: -there were but few hedges visible; the eye was led -to an open horizon and the sea; an impression of -space and freedom rose from the hills and moorlands. -Here his thoughts, accustomed to deal with leagues -<span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>rather than acres, could at least find room to turn -about in. And although the perfume that rose to -his nostrils was like the perfume of flowers preserved -by some artificial process rather than the -great clean smells of a virgin world such as he was -used to, it was nevertheless the smell of his boyhood, -and it moved him powerfully. Odour is the -one thing that is impossible to recall in exile. Sights -and sounds the imagination can always reconstruct -after a fashion, but odour is too elusive. It rose -now to his nostrils as something long forgotten, -and swept him with a wave of memory that was -extraordinarily keen.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s a smell to take me back twenty-five years,’ -he thought, inhaling the scent of the heather. He -caught his breath sharply, uncertain whether it was -pain or pleasure that predominated. A profound -yearning, too fugitive to be seized, too vague to be -definitely labelled, stirred in the depths of him as -his eye roamed over the miles of sunlight and blue -shadow at his feet; again something sang within -him as he gazed over the long ridges of heathland, -sprinkled with silvery pools, and bearing soft purple -masses of pine-woods on their sides as they melted -away through haze to the summer sea beyond.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Only when his gaze fell upon the smoke rising -from the grey stone roof of the house nestling far -below did the joy of his emotion chill a little. A -vague sense of alarm and nervousness touched him -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>as he wondered what that grey old building might -hold in store for him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s silly, I know,’ his thought ran, ‘but I feel -like a lost sheep here. It’s Nature that calls me, -not people. I don’t know how I shall get on in this -chess-board sort of a country. They’ll never care -for the things that I care for.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For a moment a sort of panic came over him. -He could almost have turned and run. Vaguely he -felt that he was an unfinished, uncouth article in a -shop of dainty china. He sent the dog-cart on -ahead, and walked down the hillside towards the -house, thinking, thinking—wondering almost why he -had ever consented to come, and already conscious of -a sense of imprisonment. He was still impressionable -as a boy, with sharp, fleeting moods like a boy’s.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, quite suddenly it seemed, he had walked -up the drive and passed through the house, and a -figure moved across a lawn to meet him. The first -sight of his sister he had known for twenty years was -a tall woman in white serge, with a prim, still girlish -figure and a quiet, smiling face, moving graciously -through patches of sunshine between flower-beds of -formal outline. There was no spontaneous rush of -welcome, no gush, or flood of questions. He felt -relieved. With a flash, too, he realised that her -dominant note was still grief for her lost husband. -It was written all over her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Instantly, however, shyness descended upon him -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>like a cloud. The scene he had rehearsed so often -in imagination vanished before the reality. He -slipped down inside himself, as his habit sometimes -was, and watched the performance curiously, as -though he were a spectator of it instead of an actor.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He saw himself, hot and rather red in the face, -walking awkwardly across the lawn with both hands -out, offering his bearded face clumsily to be kissed. -And it was kissed, first on one cheek, then on the -other, calmly, soberly, delicately. He felt the tingling -of it for a long time afterwards. That kiss -confused him ridiculously.</p> - -<p class='c011'>At first he could think of nothing to say except -the form of address he always used to the Bosses -of the lumber camps—‘How’s everything up your -way?’—which he felt was not quite the most suitable -phrase for the occasion. Then his sister spoke, -and quickly set him more at his ease.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you don’t look one little bit like an -American, Paul!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He gazed at her in admiration, just as he might -have gazed at a complete stranger. The soft intonation -of her voice was a keen delight to him. And -her matter-of-fact speech put his shyness to flight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course not,’ he replied, leaving out her name -after a second’s hesitation, ‘but my voice, I guess——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not a bit either,’ she repeated, surveying him -very critically. ‘You look like a sailor home from -the sea more than anything else.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>She wore a wide garden hat of Panama straw, -charmingly trimmed with flowers. Her face beneath -it, Paul thought, was the most refined and exquisitely -delicate he had ever seen. It was like chiselled -porcelain. He thought of Hank Davis’s woman -at Deep Bay Camp—whose face he used to think -wonderful rather—and it suddenly seemed by comparison -to have been chopped with a blunt axe out -of wood.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They moved to the long chairs upon the lawn, -and her brother realised for the first time that his -boots were enormous, and that his Minneapolis clothes -did not sit upon him quite as they might have done. -He trod on a corner of a geranium bed as they went, -crushing an entire plant with one foot. But his -sister appeared not to notice it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s an awful long time, M—Margaret,’ he -stammered as they went.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They both sat down and turned to stare at each -other. It was, of course, idle to pretend that after -so long an absence they could feel any very profound -affection. Dick, he realised quickly with a flash of -intuition, was the truer link. And, on the whole, -it was all much easier than he had expected. His -mind began to work very quickly in several directions -at once. The beauty of the English garden in -its quiet way touched him keenly, stirring in him -little whirls of inner delight, fugitive but wonderful. -Only a portion of him, after all, went out to his sister.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>‘I believe you expected a Red Indian, or a bear,’ -he said at length.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She laughed gently, returning his stare of genuine -admiration. ‘One couldn’t help wondering a little, -Paul dear,—after so many years—could one?’ She -always said ‘one’ instead of the obvious personal -pronoun. ‘You had no beard, for instance, when -you left?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And more hair, perhaps!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You look splendid. I <em>shall</em> be proud of -you!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul blushed furiously. It was the first compliment -ever paid to him by a woman.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, I feel all right,’ he stammered. ‘The -healthy life in the woods, open air, and constant -moving keep a fellow “fixed-up” to concert pitch -all the time. I’ve never once—consulted a doctor -in my life.’ He was careful to keep the slang out. -He felt he managed it admirably. He said ‘consulted.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And you wrote such nice letters, Paul. It <em>was</em> -dear of you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I was lonely,’ he said bluntly. And after a -pause he added, ‘I got all yours.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m so glad.’ And then another pause. In -which fashion they talked on for half an hour, each -secretly estimating the other—wondering a little -why they did not feel all kind of poignant emotions -they had rather expected to feel.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>It was a perfectly natural scene between a brother -and sister who had grown up entirely apart, who -were quite honest, who were utterly different types, -and who yet wished to hold to one another as the -nearest blood ties they possessed. They skimmed -pleasantly and, so far as he was concerned, more and -more easily, over the surface of things. Her talk, -like her letters, was sincere, simple, shallow; it concealed -no hidden depths, he felt at once. And by -degrees, even in this first conversation, crept a -shadow of other things, so that he realised they were -in reality leagues apart, and could never have anything -much in common below the pleasant surface -relations of life.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet, even while he sheered off, as oil declines -from its very nature to mingle with water, he felt -genuinely drawn to her in another way. She was -his own sister; she was his nearest tie; and she was -Dick’s widow. They would get along together all -right; they would be good friends.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Twenty years, Margaret.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Twenty years, Paul.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And then another pause of several minutes during -which something that was too vague to be a real -thought passed like a shadow through his mind. -What could his friend Dick have seen in her -that was necessary to his life and happiness—Dick -Messenger, who was scholar, poet, thinker—who -sought the everlasting things—God? He -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>instantly suppressed it as unworthy, something of -which he was ashamed, but not before it had left -a definite little trace in his imagination.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So at last, Paul, you’ve really come home,’ she -resumed; ‘I can hardly believe it,—and are going to -settle down. You are a rich man.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Aunt Alice did her duty,’ he laughed. He -ignored the reference to settling down. It vaguely -displeased him. ‘It’s for you as well as me,’ he -added, meaning the money. ‘I want to share with -you whatever you need.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not a penny,’ she said quickly; ‘I have all I -need. I live with my memories, you know. I am -only so glad for your sake,—after all your hard life -out there.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The life wasn’t hard; it was rather wonderful,’ -he said simply. ‘I liked it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘For a time perhaps; but you must have had -curious experiences and lived with very rough -people in those—lumber camp places you wrote -about.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Simple kind of -men, but very decent, very genuine. Few signs of -city polish, I admit, but then you know I never -cared for frills, Margaret.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Frills!’ she exclaimed, without any expression -on her face. ‘Of course not. Still, I am very glad -you have left it all. The life must often have been -unsuitable and lonely; one always felt that for you. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>You can’t have had any of the society that one’s -accustomed to.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not of that kind,’ he put in hurriedly with a -short laugh, ‘but of other kinds. I struck a pretty -good crowd of men on the whole.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She turned her face slightly away from him; her -eyes, he divined, had been fixed for a moment on his -hands. For the first time in his life he realised that -they were large and rough and brown. Her own -were so pale and dainty—like china hands, glossy -and smooth—and the gold bangle on her thin wrist -looked as though every second it must slip over her -fingers. His own hands disappeared swiftly into the -pockets of his coat.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She turned to him with a gentle smile. ‘Anyhow,’ -she said, ‘it is simply too delightful to know -that you really are here at last. It must seem strange -to you at first, and there are so many things to talk -over—such a lot to tell. I want to hear all your -plans. You’ll get used to us after a bit, and there -are lots of nice people in the neighbourhood who are -dying to meet you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her brother felt inclined to explain that he had -no wish to interfere with their ‘dying’; but, instead, -he returned her smile. ‘I’m a poor hand at meeting -people, I’m afraid,’ he said. ‘I’m not as sociable as -I might be.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you’ll get over that. Of course, living -so long in the backwoods makes one unsociable. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>But we’ll try and make you happy and comfortable. -You have no idea how very, very glad I am that -you’ve come home.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul believed her. He leaned over and patted -her hand, and she smiled frankly and sweetly in his -face. She was a very shadowy sort of personality, -he felt. If he blew hard she might blow away -altogether, or disappear like a soap-bubble.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m glad too, of course,’ he replied. ‘Only at -my age, you know, it’s not easy to tackle new -habits.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No one could take you for a day more than -thirty-five,’ she said with truth; ‘so that shall be our -own little private secret. You look quite absurdly -young.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They laughed together easily and naturally. Paul -felt more at home and soothed than he had thought -possible. It had not been in the least formidable -after all, and for the first time in his life he knew -a little of that enervating kind of happiness that -comes from being made a fuss of. As there was -still a considerable interval before tea, they left their -chairs and strolled through the garden, and as they -went, the talk turned upon the past, and his sister -spoke of Dick and of all he had meant to do in the -world, had he lived. Paul heard the details of his -sudden death for the first time. Her voice and -manner were evidence of the melancholy she still -felt, but her brother’s heart was deeply stirred; he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>asked for all the particulars he had so often wondered -about, and in her quiet, soothing tone, tinged now -with tender sadness, she supplied the information. -Clearly she had never arisen from the blow. She -had worshipped Dick without understanding him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Death always frightens me, I think,’ she said -with a faint smile. ‘I try not to think about it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She passed on to speak of the children, and told -him how difficult she found it to cope with them—she -suffered from frequent headaches and could not -endure noise—and how she hoped when they were -a little older to be more with them. Mademoiselle -Fleury, meanwhile, was such an excellent woman and -was teaching them all they should know.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Though, of course, I keep a close eye on them -so far as I am able,’ she explained, ‘and only wish -I were stronger.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They sauntered through the rose-garden and -down the neat gravel paths that led to the wilder -parts of the grounds where the rhododendron bushes -stood in rounded domes and masses. It was very -peaceful, very beautiful. He trod softly and carefully. -The hush of centuries of cultivation lay over -it all. Even the butterflies flew gently, as to the -measure of a leisurely dance that deprecated undue -animation. Paul caught his thoughts wandering to -the open spaces of untamed moorland he had seen -from the hill-top. More and more, as his sister’s -personality revealed itself, he got the impression that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>she lived enclosed like the wooden cows he had seen -from the train, in a little green field, with precise -and neatly trimmed borders. Strong emotions, as -all other symptoms of plain and vigorous life, she -shrank from. There were notice-boards set about -her to warn trespassers, stating clearly that she did -not wish to be let out. Yet in her way she was true, -loving, and sweet—only it was such a conventional -way, he felt.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Leaving the world of rhododendron bushes behind -them, they came to the beginning of a pine-wood -leading to the heather-land beyond. There was -a touch of primitive wildness here. The trees grew -straight and tall, filling the glade, and a stream ran -brawling among their roots.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is the Gwyle,’ she said, as they entered the -shade, ‘it was Dick’s favourite part of the whole -grounds. I rarely come here; it’s dark even in -summer, and rather damp and draughty, I always -think.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul looked about him and drew a long breath. -The air was strong with open-air scents of earth and -bark and branches. Far overhead the tufted pines -swayed, murmuring to the sky; the ground ran -away downhill, becoming broken up and uneven; -nothing but dark, slender stems rose everywhere -about him, like giant seaweeds, he thought, rising -from the pools of a deep sea. And the soft wind, -moving mysteriously between the shadows and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>sunlight, completed the spell. He passed suddenly—willy-nilly, -as his nature would have it—into that -mood when the simplest things about him turned -their faces upwards so that he caught their eyes and -their meaning; when the well-known and common -things of the world shone out and revealed the -infinite. Something in this quiet pine-wood that -was mighty, and utterly wonderful, entered his soul, -linking him on at a single stroke with the majesty of -the great spirit of the earth. What lay behind it? -What was its informing spirit? How and where -could it link on so intimately with his soul? And -could it not be a channel, as he always felt it must -be, to the God behind it? Beauty seized him by -the throat and made him tremble.</p> - -<p class='c011'>This sudden rush came over him, sea-like. His -moods were ever like the sea, some strange touch -of colour shifting the entire key. Something, too, -made him feel lonely and oppressed. He, who was -accustomed to space in bulk—the space the stars -and winds live in—had come to this little, parcelled-out -place. He felt clipped already. He turned to -the shadowy personality beside him, the boyish impulse -bursting its way out. After all, she was his -own sister; he could reveal himself to no one if not -to her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘By Gosh, Margaret,’ he cried, ‘this is the real -thing. This wood must be alive and haunted just as -the James Bay forests are. It’s simply full of wonder.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>‘It’s the Gwyle wood,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s -usually rather damp. But Dick loved it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her brother hardly heard what she said. ‘Listen,’ -he said in a hushed tone; ‘do you hear the wind up -there aloft? The trees are talking. The wood is -full of whispers. There’s no sound in the world -like that murmur of a soft breeze in pine branches. -It’s like the old gods sighing, which only their -true worshippers hear! Isn’t it fine and melancholy? -Margaret, d’you know, it goes through -me like a fever.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>His sister stopped and stared at him. She wore -a little frightened expression. His sudden enthusiasm -puzzled her evidently.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s the Gwyle wood,’ she repeated mechanically. -‘It’s very pretty, I think. Dick always thought -so too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her brother, surprised at his own rush of ready -words, and already ashamed of the impulse that -had prompted him to reveal himself, fell into -silence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nature excites me sometimes,’ he said presently. -‘I suppose it’s because I’ve known nothing -else.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s quite natural, I’m sure, Paul dear,’ she -rejoined, turning to lead the way back to the sunshine -of the open garden; ‘it’s very pretty; I love -it too. But it rather alarms me, I think, sometimes.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>‘Perhaps the natural tendency in solitude is to -personify nature, and make it take the place of men -and women. It has become a profound need of my -being certainly.’ He spoke more quietly, chilled -by her utter absence of comprehension.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘In its place I think it is ever so nice. But, -Paul, you surprise me. I had no idea you were -clever like that.’ She was perfectly sincere in what -she said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her brother blushed like a boy. ‘It’s my -foolishness, I suppose, Margaret,’ he said with a -shy laugh. ‘I am certainly not clever.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Anyhow, you can be foolish or clever here to -your heart’s content. You must use the place as -though it were your own exactly.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Thank you, Margaret.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Only I don’t think I quite understand all those -things,’ she added vaguely after a pause. ‘Nixie -talks rather like that. She has all poor Dick’s ideas -and strange fancies. I really can’t keep up with -her at all.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul stiffened at the reference to the children; -he remembered his attitude. Already he had -been guilty of a serious lapse from his good -intentions.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘She comes down to this wood far too much, -and I’m sure it’s not quite healthy for her. I -always forget to speak to Mlle. Fleury.’ Then she -turned to him and smiled. ‘But they are all so -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>excited about your coming. They will simply devour -you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m a poor hand at children, I’m afraid,’ he -said, falling back upon his usual formula, ‘but, of -course, I shall be delighted to see them.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She gathered up her white skirts about her trim -ankles and led the way out of the wood, her brother -following and thinking how slim and graceful she -was, and what a charming figure she made among -the rose-trees. He got the impression of her as -something unreal and shadowy, a creature but half -alive. It would hardly have surprised him to see -her suddenly flit off into mist and sunshine and -disappear from view, leaving him with the certainty -that he had been talking with a phantasm of a dream. -Between himself and her, however, he realised now, -there was a gulf fixed. They looked at one another -as it were down the large end of a telescope, and -talked down a long-distance telephone that changed -all their words and made the sense unintelligible and -meaningless. The scale of values between them had -no common denominator. Yet he could love her, -and he meant to.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They crossed the lawns and went through the -French window into the cool of the drawing-room, -and while he was sipping his first cup of afternoon -English tea, struggling with a dozen complex -emotions that stirred within him, there suddenly -darted across the lawn a vision of flying children, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>with a string of animals at their heels. They swept -out of some laurel shrubberies into the slanting -evening sunlight, and came to a dead stop on the -gravel path in front of the window.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Their eyes met. They had seen him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There they stood, figures of suddenly arrested -motion, staring at him through the glass. ‘So -that’s Uncle Paul!’ was the thought in the mind -of each. He was being inspected, weighed, labelled. -The meeting with his sister was nothing compared -to this critical examination, conducted though it was -from a distance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But it lasted only a moment. With a sudden -quietness the children passed away from the window -towards another door round the corner, and so out -of sight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’ve gone up to get tidy before coming -to see you,’ explained his sister; and Paul used -the short respite to the best possible advantage by -collecting his thoughts, remembering his ‘attitude -and disguise,’ and seeing to it that his armour was -properly fastened on, leaving no loopholes for -sudden attack. He retired cautiously to the only -place in a room where a shy man feels really safe—the -mat before the fireplace. He almost wished for -his gun and hunting-knife. The idea made him -laugh.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They already love you,’ he heard his sister’s -gentle whispering voice, ‘and I know you’ll love -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>them too. You must never let them annoy you, -of course.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re your children—and Dick’s,’ he -answered quietly. ‘I shall get on with them -famously, I’m sure.’</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER V</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I kiss you and the world begins to fade.</div> - <div class='line in16'><cite>Land of Heart’s Desire.</cite>—<span class='sc'>Yeats.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>A few minutes later the door opened softly, and -a procession, solemn of face and silent of foot, -marched slowly into the room. The moment had -come at last for his introduction, and, by a single -stroke of unintentional diplomacy, his sister did -more to winning her brother’s shy heart than by -anything else she could possibly have devised. She -went out.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They will prefer to make your acquaintance -by themselves,’ she said in her gentle way, ‘and -without any assistance from me.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The procession advanced to the middle of the -room and then stopped short. Evidently, for them, -the departure of their mother somewhat complicated -matters. They had depended upon her to explain -them to their uncle. There they stood, overcome -by shyness, moving from one foot to another, with -flushed and rosy faces, hair brushed, skin shining, and -eyes all prepared to laugh as soon as somebody gave -the signal, but not the least knowing how to begin.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>And their uncle faced them in similar plight, -as, for the second time that afternoon, shyness -descended upon him like a cloud, and he could -think of nothing to say. His size overwhelmed -him; he felt like an elephant. With a sudden rush -all his self-possession deserted him. He almost -wished that his sister might return so that they -should be brought up to him <em>seriatim</em>, named just -as Adam named the beasts, and dismissed—which -Adam did not do—with a kiss. It was really, of -course—and he knew it to his secret mortification—a -meeting on both sides of children; they all felt -the shyness and self-consciousness of children, he -as much as they, and at any moment might take -the sudden plunge into careless intimacy, as the way -with children ever is.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Meanwhile, however, he took rapid and careful -note of them as they stood in that silent, fidgety -group before him, with solemn, wide-open eyes -fixed upon his face.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The youngest, being in his view little more than -a baby, needs no description beyond the fact that -it stared quite unintelligently without winking an -eye. Its eyes, in fact, looked as though they were -not made to close at all. And this is its one and -only appearance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Standing next to the baby, holding its hand, was -a boy in a striped suit of knickerbockers, with a -big brown curl like a breaking wave on the top -<span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>of his forehead; he was between eight and nine -years old, and his names—for, of course, he had -two—were Richard Jonathan, shortened, as Paul -learned later, into Jonah. He balanced himself with -the utmost care in the centre of a particular square -of carpet as though half an inch to either side -would send him tumbling into a bottomless abyss. -The fingers not claimed by the baby travelled -slowly to and fro along the sticky line of his lower -lip.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Close behind him, treating similarly another -square of carpet, stood a rotund little girl, slightly -younger than himself, named Arabella Lucy. There -was a touch of audacity in her eyes, and an expression -about the mouth that indicated the -imminent approach of laughter. She had been -distinctly washed and brushed-up for the occasion. -Her face shone like a polished onion skin. She had -the same sort of brown hair that Jonah considered -fashionable, and her name for all common daily -purposes was Toby.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The eldest and most formidable of his tormentors, -standing a little in advance of the rest, was Margaret -Christina, shortened by her father (who, indeed, had -been responsible for all the nicknames) into Nixie. -And the name fitted her like a skin, for she was the -true figure of a sprite, and looked as if she had just -stepped out of the water and her hair had stolen the -yellow of the sand. Her eyes ran about the room -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>like sunshine from the surface of a stream, and her -movements instantly made Paul think of water -gliding over pebbles or ribbed sand with easy and -gentle undulations. Flashlike he saw her in a -clearing of his lonely woods, a creature of the -elements. Her big blue eyes, too, were full of -wonder and pensive intelligence, and she stood there -in a motherly and protective manner as though she -were quite equal to the occasion and would presently -know how to act with both courage and wisdom.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Nixie, indeed, it was, after this prolonged -and critical pause, who commenced operations. -There was a sudden movement in the group, and -the next minute Paul was aware that she had left it -and was walking slowly towards him. He noticed -her graceful, flowing way of moving, and saw a -sunburnt arm and hand extended in his direction. -The next second she kissed him. And that kiss -acted like an electric shock. Something in her that -was magical met its kind in his own soul and, -flamelike, leaped towards it. A little tide of hot -life poured into him, troubling the deeps with a -momentary sense of delicious bewilderment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How do you do, Uncle Paul,’ she said; ‘we -are <em>very</em> glad you have come—at last.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The blood ran ridiculously to his head. He -found his tongue, and pulled himself sharply -together.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So am I, dear. Of course, it’s a long way to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>come—America.’ He stooped and bestowed the -necessary kisses upon the others, who had followed -their leader and now stood close beside him, staring -like little owls in a row.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I know,’ she replied gravely. ‘It takes weeks, -doesn’t it? And mother has told us such a lot -about you. We’ve been waiting a very long time, -I think,’ she added as though stating a grievance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I suppose it is rather a long time to wait,’ he -said sheepishly. He stroked his beard and waited.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All of us,’ she went on. She included the others -in this last observation by bending her head at them, -and into her uncle’s memory leaped the vision of a -slender silver birch tree that grew on the edge of the -Big Beaver Pond near the Canadian border. She -moved just as that silver birch moved when the -breeze caught it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her manner was very demure, but she looked so -piercingly into the very middle of his eyes that Paul -felt as though she had already discovered everything -about him. They all stood quite close to him now, -touching his knees; ready, there and then, to take -him wholly into their confidence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>An impulse that he only just managed to control -stirred in him and a curious pang accompanied it. -He remembered his ‘attitude,’ however, and stiffened -slightly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No, it only takes ten days roughly from where -I’ve come,’ he said, leaving the mat and dropping -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>into a deep arm-chair a little farther off. ‘The big -steamers go very fast, you know, nowadays.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Their eyes remained simply glued to his face. -They switched round a few points to follow his -movement, but did not leave their squares of carpet.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Madmerzelle said’—it was Toby, <i><span lang="fr">née</span></i> Arabella -Lucy, speaking for the first time—‘you knew lots -of stories about deers and wolves and things, and -would look like a Polar bear for us sometimes.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh yes, and beavers and Indians in snowstorms, -and the roarer boryalis,’ chimed in Jonah, giving a -little hop of excitement that brought him still closer. -‘And the songs they sing in canoes when there -are rapids,’ he added with intense excitement. -‘Madmizelle sings them sometimes, but they’re not -a bit the real thing, because she hasn’t enough bass -in her voice.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul bit his lip and looked at the carpet. Something -in the atmosphere of the room seemed to have -changed in the last few minutes. Jolly thrills ran -through him such as he knew in the woods with his -animals sometimes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m afraid I can’t sing much,’ he said, ‘but I -can tell you a bear story sometimes—if you’re good.’ -He added the condition as an afterthought.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We <em>are</em> good,’ Jonah said disappointedly, ‘almost -always.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Again that curious pang shot through him. He -did not wish to be unkind to them. He pulled -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>back his coat-sleeve suddenly and showed them a -scar on his arm.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That was made by a bear,’ he said, ‘years ago.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, look at the fur!’ cried Toby.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Don’t be silly! All proper men have hair on -their arms,’ put in Jonah. ‘Does it still hurt, Uncle -Paul?’ he asked, examining the place with intense -interest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not now. We rolled down a hill together head -over heels. Such a big brute, too, he was, and growled -like a thunderstorm; it’s a wonder he didn’t squash -me. I’ve got his claws upstairs. I think, really, -he was more frightened than I was.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They clapped their hands. ‘Tell us, oh, do -tell us!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But Nixie intervened in her stately fashion, leaning -over a little and stroking the scar with fingers -that were like the touch of leaves.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Uncle Paul’s tired after coming such a long -way,’ she said gravely with sympathy. ‘He hasn’t -even unpacked his luggage yet, have you, Uncle?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul admitted that this was the case. He made -the least possible motion to push them off and clear -a space round his chair.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are you tired? Oh, I’m <em>so</em> sorry,’ said Jonah.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then he ought to see the animals at once,’ -decided Toby, ‘before they go to bed,’—she seemed -to have a vague idea that the whole world must go -to bed earlier than usual if Uncle Paul was tired—‘or -<span class='pageno' id='Page_57'>57</span>they’ll be awfully disappointed.’ Her face -expressed the disappointment of the animals as well -as her own; her uncle’s fatigue had already taken -a second place. ‘Oughtn’t he?’ she added, turning -to the others.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul remembered his intention to remain stiffly -grown up.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He made a great effort. Oh, but why did they -tug and tear at his heart so, these little fatherless -children? And why did he feel at once that he was -in their own world, comfortably ‘at home’ in it? -Did this world of children, then, link on so easily -and naturally with the poet’s region of imagination -and wonder in which he himself still dwelt for all -his many years, bringing him close to his main -passion—to know Reality?</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course, I’ll come and say good-night to them -before they turn in,’ he decided kindly, letting -Nixie and Toby take his hands, while Jonah followed -in the rear to show that he considered this a girl’s -affair yet did not wholly disapprove.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hadn’t we better tell your mother where we’re -going?’ he asked as they started.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, mother won’t mind,’ came the answer in -chorus. ‘She hardly ever comes up to the nursery, -and, besides, she doesn’t care for the animals, you -see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re rather ’noying for mother,’ Nixie added -by way of explanation. She decapitated many of her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_58'>58</span>long words in this way, and invariably omitted -difficult consonants.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a long journey, and the explanations about -the animals, their characteristics, names, and habits, -occupied every minute of the way. He gathered -that they were chiefly cats and kittens, to what -number he dared not calculate, and that puppies, at -least one parrot, a squirrel, a multitude of white -mice, and various larger beasts of a parental and -aged description, were indiscriminately all mixed up -together. Evidently it was a private menagerie that -he was invited to say good-night to, and the torrent -of outlandish names that poured into his ears produced -a feeling of confusion in his mind that made -him wonder if he was not turning into some sort -of animal himself, and thus becoming free of their -language.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was the beginning of a very trying ordeal for -him, this being half pulled, half shoved along the -intricate passages of the old house; now down a -couple of unexpected steps that made him stumble; -now up another which made him trip; through -narrow doorways, where Jonah had the audacity to -push him from behind lest he should stick half-way; -and, finally, at full speed, the girls tugging at his -arms in front, down a long corridor which proved to -be the home-stretch to the nursery.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I was afraid we’d lost the trail,’ he gasped. ‘It’s -poorly blazed.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_59'>59</span>‘Oh, but we haven’t got any tails to lose,’ laughed -Toby, misunderstanding him. ‘And they wouldn’t -blaze if we had.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look out, Nixie! Not so fast! Uncle Paul’s -losing his wind as well as his trail,’ shouted Jonah -from the rear. And at that moment they reached -the door of the nursery and came to an abrupt halt, -Paul puffing like a lumberman.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was impossible for him to remain sedate, but -he did the next best thing—he remained silent.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then Jonah, pushing past him, turned the handle, -and he was ushered, still panting, into so typical -a nursery-schoolroom that the scenes of his forgotten -boyhood rushed back to him with a vividness that -seemed to destroy the passage of time at a single -stroke. The past stood reconstructed. The actual, -living mood of his own childhood rose out of the -depths of blurred memories and caused a mist to rise -before his eyes. An emotion he was utterly unable -to define shook his heart.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The room was filled with the slanting rays of -the setting sun, and the air from the open windows -smelt of garden trees, lawns, and flower-beds. Sea -and heather, too, added their own sharper perfumes. -It caught him away for a moment—oh, that strange -power of old perfumes—to the earliest scenes of his -own life, the boyhood in the gardens of Kent before -America had claimed him. And then the details of -the room itself became so insistent that he almost -<span class='pageno' id='Page_60'>60</span>lost his head and turned back without more ado -into a boy of fifteen.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He looked swiftly about him. There was the -old-fashioned upright piano against the wall, the -highly coloured pictures hanging crooked on the -wall, the cane chairs, the crowded mantelpiece, the -high wire fender before the empty grate, the general -atmosphere of toys, untidiness and broken articles -of every sort and kind—and, above all, the figures -of these excited children all bustling recklessly about -him with their glowing and expectant faces.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was Toby, her blue sash all awry, running -busily about the room; and Nixie, now in sunshine, -now in shadow, with her hair of yellow sand and -her blue dreaming eyes that saw into the Beyond; -and little Jonah, moving about somewhat pompously -to prepare the performance that was to follow. It -all combined to produce a sudden shock that swept -down upon him so savagely, that he was within an -ace of bolting through the door and making his -escape into safer quarters.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The False Paul, that is, was within an ace of -running away with all his elaborate armour, and -leaving the True Paul dancing on the floor, a child -among children, a spirit of impulse, enthusiasm and -imagination, laughing with the sheer happiness of -his perpetual youth.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a dangerous moment; he was within -measurable distance of revealing himself. For a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_61'>61</span>moment his clothes felt far too large for him; and -only just in time did he remember his ‘attitude,’ -and the danger of being young when he really was -old, and the absurdity of being anything else than -a large, sedate man of forty-five. Only he wished -that Nixie would not watch him so appealingly with -those starry eyes of hers ... and look so strangely -like the forms that haunted his own wild forests -and streams on the other side of the Atlantic.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He stiffened quickly, drew himself up, and turned -to give his elderly attention to the chorus of explanation -and introduction that was already rising -about him with the sound and murmur of the sea.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Something was happening.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For the floor of the room, he now perceived, -had become suddenly full of movement, as though -the carpet had turned alive. He felt a rubbing -against his legs and ankles; with a soft thud something -leaped upon the table and covered his hand -with smooth, warm fur, uttering little sounds of -pleasure at the same time. On the top of the piano, -a thing he had taken for a heap of toys rose and -stretched itself into an odd shape of straight lines -and arching curves. From the window-sill, where -the sun poured in, a round grey substance dropped -noiselessly down upon the carpet and advanced with -measured and calculated step towards him; while, -from holes and hiding-places undivined, three or -four little fluffy things, with padded feet and stiff -<span class='pageno' id='Page_62'>62</span>pointing tails, shot out like shadows and headed -straight for a row of saucers that he now noticed for -the first time against the farther wall. The whole -room seemed to fill with soft and graceful movement; -and, mingled with the voices of the children, -he caught a fine composite murmur that was soothing -as the sound of flowing wind and water.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was the sound and the movement of many -animals.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Here they are,’ said a voice—‘some of them. -The others are lost, or out hunting.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For the moment Paul did not stop to ask how -many ‘others’ there were. He stood rigidly still -for fear that if he moved he might tread on something -living.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There came a scratching sound at the door, and -Toby dashed forward to open it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Silly, naughty babies!’ she cried, nearly tumbling -over the fender in her attempt to seize two -round bouncing things that came tearing into the -room like a couple of yellow puddings. ‘Uncle -Paul has come to see you all the way from America! -And then you’re late like this! For shame!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>With a series of thuds and bangs that must have -bruised anything not unusually well padded, the -new arrivals, who looked for all the world like -small fat bears, or sable muffs on short brown legs -with feet of black velvet, dashed round the room -in a mad chase after nothing at all. A hissing and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_63'>63</span>spitting issued from dark corners and from beneath -various pieces of furniture, but the two balls confined -their attentions almost at once to the honoured -guest. They charged up against his legs as though -determined to upset his balance—this mountain of -a man—and then careered clumsily round the room, -knocking over anything small enough that came -in their way, and behaving generally as though they -wanted to clear the whole place in the shortest -possible time for their own particular and immediate -benefit.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Next, lifting his eyes for a moment from this -impetuous attack, he saw a brilliantly coloured thing -behind bars, standing apparently on its head and -looking upside-down at him with an expression of -undisguised and scornful amusement; while not far -from it, in a cage hanging by the cuckoo clock, -some one with a tail as large as his body, shot -round and round on a swinging trapeze that made -Paul think of a midget practising in a miniature -gymnasium.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘These are our animals, you see, Uncle Paul,’ -Jonah announced proudly from his position by the -door. There was a trace of condescension in his tone.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We have lots of out-of-door animals as well, -though,’ Toby hastened to explain, lest her uncle -should be disappointed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I suppose they’re out of doors?’ said Paul -lamely.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_64'>64</span>‘Of course they are,’ replied Jonah; ‘in the -stables and all about.’ He turned to Nixie, who -stood quietly by her uncle’s side in a protective way, -superintending. Nixie nodded corroboration.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now, we’ll introduce you—gradgilly,’ announced -Toby, stooping down and lifting with immense -effort the large grey Persian that had been -sleeping on the window-sill when they came in. -She held it with great difficulty in her arms and -hands, but in spite of her best efforts only a portion -of it found actual support, the rest straggling away -like a loosely stuffed bolster she could not encompass.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was evidently accustomed to being dealt with -thus in sections, for it continued to purr sleepily, -blinking its large eyes with the usual cat-smile, and -letting its head fall backwards as though it suddenly -desired to examine the ceiling from an entirely fresh -point of view. None of its real attention, of course, -was given to the actual proceeding. It merely -suffered the absurd affair—absent-mindedly and -with condescension. Its whiskers moved gently.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What’s its name?’ he asked kindly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>Her</em> name,’ whispered Nixie.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We call her Mrs. Tompkyns, because it’s old -now,’ Toby explained, ignoring genders.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘After the head-gardener’s gra’mother,’ Nixie explained -hastily in his ear; ‘but we might change it -to Uncle Paul in honour of you now, mightn’t we?’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_65'>65</span>‘Mrs. Uncle Paul,’ corrected Jonah, looking -on with slight disapproval, and anxious to get to -the white mice and the squirrel.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It would be a pity to change the name, I -think,’ Paul said, straightening himself up dizzily -from the introduction, and watching the splendid -creature fall upon its head from Toby’s weakening -grasp, and then march away with unperturbed -dignity to its former throne upon the window-sill. -‘I feel rather afraid of Mrs. Tompkyns,’ he added; -‘she’s so very majestic.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, you needn’t be,’ they cried in chorus. -‘It’s all put on, you know, that sort of grand -manner. <em>We</em> knew her when she was a kitten.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The object-lesson was not lost upon him. Of -all creatures in the world, he reflected as he watched -her, cats have the truest dignity. They absolutely -refuse to be laughed at. No cat would ever betray -its real self, yet here was he, a grown-up, intelligent -man, vacillating, and on the verge already of hopeless -capitulation.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And what’s the name of <em>these</em> persons?’ he -asked quickly, turning for safety to Nixie, who -had her arms full of a writhing heap she had been -diligently collecting from the corners of the room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, that’s only Mrs. Tompkyns’ family,’ -exclaimed Jonah impatiently; ‘the last family, I -mean. She’s had lots of others.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The last family before this was only two,’ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_66'>66</span>Nixie told him. ‘We called them Ping and -Pong. They live in the stables now. But these -we call Pouf, Sambo, Spritey, Zezette, and -Dumps——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And the next ones,’ Toby broke in excitedly, -‘we’re going to call with the names on the engines -when we go up to London to see the dentist.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Or the names of the Atlantic steamers wouldn’t -be bad,’ said Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not bad,’ Jonah said, with lukewarm approval; -‘only the engines would be much better.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There may not be any next ones,’ opined Toby, -emerging from beneath a sofa after a frantic, but -vain, attempt to catch something alive.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Jonah snorted with contempt. ‘Of course there -will. They come in bunches all the time, just like -grapes and chestnuts and things. Madmizelle told -me so. There’s no end to them. Don’t they, -Uncle Paul?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I believe so,’ said the authority appealed to, -extracting his finger with difficulty from the teeth -and claws of several kittens.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There came a lull in the proceedings, the majority -of the animals having escaped, and successfully -concealed themselves among what Toby called -‘the furchinur.’ Paul was still following a prior -train of reflection.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, cats are really rather wonderful creatures,’ -he mused aloud in spite of himself, turning instinctively -<span class='pageno' id='Page_67'>67</span>in the direction of Nixie. ‘They possess a -mysterious and superior kind of intelligence.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For a moment it was exactly as if he had tapped -his armour and said, ‘Look! It’s all sham!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child peered sharply up in his face. There -was a sudden light in her eyes, and her lips were -parted. He had not exactly expected her to answer, -but somehow or other he was not surprised when -she did. And the answer she made was just the -kind of thing he knew she would say. He was -annoyed with himself for having said so much.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And they lead secret little lives somewhere else, -and only let us see what they want us to see. I -knew you understood <em>really</em>.’ She said it with an -elfin smile that was certainly borrowed from moonlight -on a mountain stream. With one fell swoop -it caught him away into a world where age simply -did not exist. His mind wavered deliciously. The -singing in his heart was almost loud enough to be -audible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But he just saved himself. With a sudden -movement he leaned forward and buried his face -in the pie of kittens that nestled in her arms, -letting them lose their paws for a moment in his -beard. The kittens might understand, but at -least they could not betray him by putting it -into words. It was a narrower escape than he -cared for.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And these are the Chow puppies,’ cried Jonah, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_68'>68</span>breathless from a long chase after the sable muffs.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We call them China and Japan.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul welcomed the diversion. Their teeth were -not nearly so sharp as the kittens’, and they -burrowed with their black noses into his sleeves. -So thick was their fur that they seemed to have -no bones at all; their dark eyes literally dripped -laughter.</p> - -<p class='c011'>With an effort he put on a more sedate manner.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You <em>have</em> got a lot of beasts,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Animals,’ Nixie corrected him. ‘Only toads, -rats, and hedgehogs are beasts. And, remember, -if you’re rude to an animal, as Mademoiselle Fleury -was once, it only ’spises you—and then——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I beg their pardon,’ he put in hurriedly; ‘I -quite understand, of course.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You see it’s rather important, as they want to -like you, and unless you respect them they can’t, -can they?’ she finished earnestly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I do respect them, believe me, Nixie, and I -appreciate their affection. Affection and respect -must always go together.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The children were wholly delighted. Paul had -completely won their hearts from the very beginning. -The parrot, the squirrel, and the white mice were -all introduced in turn to him, and he heard sundry -mysterious allusions to ‘the owl in the stables,’ -‘Juliet and her two kids,’ to say nothing of dogs, -ponies, pigeons, and peacocks, that apparently dwelt -<span class='pageno' id='Page_69'>69</span>in the regions of outer space, and were to be reserved -for the morrow.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The performance was coming to an end. Paul -was already congratulating himself upon having -passed safely, if not with full credit, through a -severe ordeal, when the door opened and a woman of -about twenty-five, with a pleasant face full of character -and intelligence, stood in the doorway. A torrent -of French instantly broke loose on all sides. The -woman started a little when she perceived that the -children were not alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, Mademoiselle, this is Uncle Paul,’ they -cried, each in a different fashion. ‘This is <em>our</em> -Uncle Paul! He’s just been introduced to the -animals, and now he must be introduced to -you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul shook hands with her, and the introduction -passed off easily enough; the woman was charming, -he saw at the first glimpse, and possessed of tact. -She at once took his side and pretended to scold -her charges for having plagued and bothered him -so long. Evidently she was something more to -them than a mere governess. The lassitude of -his sister, no doubt, gave her rights and responsibilities.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But what impressed Paul when he was alone—for -her simple remark that it was past bedtime was -followed by sudden kisses and disappearance—was -the remarkable change that her arrival had brought -<span class='pageno' id='Page_70'>70</span>about in the room. It came to him with a definite -little shock. It was more than significant, he felt.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And it was this: that the children, though -obviously they loved her, treated her as some one -grown up and to be obeyed, whereas himself, he now -realised, they had all along treated as one of themselves -to whom they could be quite open and natural. -His ‘attitude’ they had treated with respect, just as -he had treated the attitude of the animals with -respect, but at the same time he had been made -to feel one of themselves, in their world, part and -parcel of their own peculiar region. There had been -nothing forced about it whatever. Whether he -liked it or not they accepted him. His ‘attitude’ -was not regarded seriously. It was not regarded at -all. And this was grave.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He was so simple that he would never have -thought of this but for the entrance of the -governess. Her arrival threw it all into sharp -relief. Clearly the children recognised no barrier -between themselves and him; he had been taken -without parley straight into their holy of holies. -Nixie, as leader and judge, had carried him off -at once.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And this was a very subtle and powerful -compliment that made him think a great deal. -He would either have to drop his armour altogether -or make it very much more effective.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Indeed, it was the immediate problem in his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_71'>71</span>mind as he slowly made his way downstairs to -find his sister on the lawn, and satisfy her rather -vague curiosity by telling her that the children had -introduced him to the animals, and that he had -got on famously with them all.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_72'>72</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER VI</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Oh! Fairies, take me out of this dull world</div> - <div class='line'>For I would ride with you upon the wind,</div> - <div class='line'>Run on the top of the dishevelled tide,</div> - <div class='line'>And dance upon the mountains like a flame!</div> - <div class='line in22'><cite>Land of Heart’s Desire.</cite>—<span class='sc'>Yeats.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Paul went early to bed that night. It was his first -night in an English country home for many years; -strange forces were at work in him. His introduction -to the children, his meeting with Nixie especially, -had let loose powers in his soul that called for sober -reflection; and he felt the need of being alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Another thing, too, urged him to seek the solitude -of his chamber, for after dinner he had sat for a -couple of hours with his sister, talking over the -events and changes of the long interval since they -had met,—the details that cannot be told in letters, -the feelings that no one writes. And he came upstairs -with his first impression of her character -slightly modified. She had more in her than he -first divined. Beneath that shadowy and silken -manner he had caught traces of distinct purpose. -For one thing she was determined to keep him in -England.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_73'>73</span>He had told her frankly about his arrangement -with the lumber Company, explaining that he regarded -his present visit in the light of a holiday. -‘I suppose that is—er—wise of you,’ she said, but -she had not been able to conceal her disappointment. -She asked him presently if he really wanted to live -all his life in such a place, and what it was in English -life, or civilised, conventional life, that he so disliked, -and Paul, feeling distinctly uncomfortable—for he -loathed giving pain—had answered evasively, with -more skill than he knew, ‘“Where your treasure is, -there shall your heart be also.” I suppose my treasure—the -only kind I know—is out there in the great -woods, Margaret.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Paul, are you married, then?’ she asked with a -start; and when he laughed and assured her most -emphatically that he was not, she looked exceedingly -puzzled and a little shocked too. ‘Are you so very -fond of this—er—treasure, then?’ she asked point -blank in her softest manner, ‘and is she so—I mean, -can’t you bring her home and acknowledge her?’ -And after his first surprise when he had gathered her -meaning, it took him a long time to explain that -there was no woman concerned at all, and that it -was entirely a matter of his temperament.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Everybody makes his own world, remember,’ he -laughed, ‘and its size depends, I suppose, upon the -power of the imagination.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I fear one’s imagination is a very poor -<span class='pageno' id='Page_74'>74</span>one,’ she said solemnly, ‘or else I have none at all. -I cannot pretend to understand your tastes for trees -and woods and things; but you’re exactly like poor -Dick in that way, and I suppose one must be really -clever to be like that.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A year is a long time, Margaret,’ he said after -a pause, to comfort her. ‘Much may happen before -it’s over.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I hope so,’ she had answered, standing behind -his chair and stroking his head. ‘By that time you -may have met some one who will reconcile you to—to -staying here—a little longer.’ She patted his -head as though he were a Newfoundland dog, he -thought. It made him laugh.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Perhaps,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, now in his room, before the candles were -lighted, he was standing by the open window, thinking -it all over. Of women, of course, he knew little -or nothing; to him they were all charming, some -of them wonderful; and he was not conscious that -his point of view might be considered by a man of -the world—of the world that is little, sordid, matter-of-fact—distinctly -humorous. At forty-five he believed -in women just as he had believed in them at -twenty, only more so, for nothing had ever entered -his experience to trouble an exquisite picture in his -mind. They stood nearer to God than men did, he -felt, and the depravity of really bad women he explained -by the fact that when they did fall they fell -<span class='pageno' id='Page_75'>75</span>farther. The sex-fever, so far as he was concerned, -had never mounted to his brain to obscure his vision.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He only knew—and knew it with a sacred wonder -that was akin to worship—that women, like the -angels, were beyond his reach and beyond his understanding. -Comely they all were to him. He looked -up to them in his thoughts, not for their reason or -strength, but for the subtlety of their intuition, their -power of sacrifice, and last but not least, for the -beauty and grace of their mere presence in a world -that was so often ugly and unclean.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The flame—the lamp—the glory—whatever it -may be called—keeps alight in their faces,’ he loved -to say to himself, ‘almost to the end. With men it -is gone at thirty—often at twenty.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And his sister, for all her light hold on life, and -the strain in her that in his simplicity he regarded as -rather ‘worldly,’ was no exception to the rule. He -thought her entirely good and wonderful, and, perhaps, -so far as she went, he was not too egregiously -mistaken. He looked for the best in everybody, -and so, of course, found it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Only she will never make much of me, or I of -her, I’m afraid,’ he thought as he leaned out of the -window, watching the scented darkness. ‘We shall -get along best by leaving each other alone and being -affectionate, so to speak, from a distance.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, indeed, so far he had escaped the manifold -seductions by which Nature seeks to attain her great -<span class='pageno' id='Page_76'>76</span>object of perpetuating the race. As a potential father -of many sons he was of course an object of legitimate -prey; but his forest life had obviated all that; his -whole forces had turned inwards for the creation -of the poet’s visions, and Nature in this respect, he -believed, had passed him by. So far as he was aware -there was no desire in him to come forth and perform -a belated duty to the world by increasing its -population. It was the first time any one had even -suggested to him that he should consider such a -matter, and the mere idea made him smile.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Gradually, however, these thoughts cleared away, -and he turned to other things he deemed more -important.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The night was still as imaginable; odours of earth -and woods were wafted into the room with the scent -of roses. Overhead, as he leaned on his elbow and -gazed, the stars shone thickly, like points of gold -pricked in a velvet curtain. A lost wind stirred -the branches; he could distinguish their solemn -dance against the constellations. Orion, slanting -and immense, tilted across the sky, the two stars at -the base resting upon the shoulder of the hill, and -far off, in the deeps of the night, the murmur of the -pines sounded like the breaking of invisible surf.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Something indescribably fresh and wild in the taste -of the air carried him back again across the ocean. -The ancient woods he knew so well rose before the -horizon’s rim, swimming with purple shadows and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_77'>77</span>alive with a continuous great murmur that stretched -for a hundred leagues. The picture of those desolate -places, lying in lonely grandeur beneath the glitter of -the Northern Lights, with a thousand lakes echoing -the laughter of the loons, came seductively before -his inner eye. The thought of it all stirred emotions -profound and primitive, emotions too closely married -to instincts, perhaps, to be analysed; something in -him that was ancestral, possibly pre-natal. There -was nothing in this little England that could move -him so in the same fashion. His thoughts carried -him far, far away....</p> - -<p class='c011'>The faint sound of a church clock striking the -hour—a sound utterly alien to the trend of his -thoughts—brought him back again to the present. -He heard it across many fields, fields that had been -tilled for centuries, and there could have been no -more vivid or eloquent reminder that he was no -longer in a land where hedges, church bells, notice-boards, -and so forth were not. He came back with -a start, and a sensation almost akin to pain. He -felt cramped, caught, caged. The tinkling church -bells annoyed him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His thoughts turned, with a sudden jerk, as it -were, to the undeniable fact that he had been trying -to go about in a disguise, with a clumsy mask over -his face, so that he might appear decently grown up -in his new surroundings.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A pair of owls began to hoot softly in the woods, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_78'>78</span>answering one another like voices in a dream, and -just then the lost wind left the pine branches and -died away into the sky with a swift rush as of many -small wings. In the sudden pool of silence that -followed, he fancied he could hear across the dark -miles of heathland the continuous low murmur of -the sea.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The beauty of night, as ever, entered his soul, -but with a joy that was too solemn, too moving, -to be felt as pleasure. It touched something in him -beyond the tears of either pain or delight: something -that held in it a mysterious wonder so searching, -so poignant, as to be almost terrible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He caught his breath and waited.... The great -woods of the world, mountains, the sea, stars, and -the crying winds were always for him symbols of -the gateways into a mightier and ideal region, a -Beyond-world where he found rest for his yearnings -and a strange peace. They were his means of losing -himself in a temporary heaven.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And to-night it was the beauty of an English -scene that carried him away; and this in spite of -his having summoned the wilder vision from across -the seas. Already the forces of his own country -were insensibly at work upon an impressionable -mind and temperament. The very air, so sweetly -scented as he drew it in between his lips, was charged -with the subtly-working influences of the ‘Old -Country.’ A new web, soft but mighty, was being -<span class='pageno' id='Page_79'>79</span>woven about his spirit. Even now his heart was -conscious of its gossamer touch, as his dreams yielded -imperceptibly to a new colour.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He followed vaguely, curiously, the leadings of -delicate emotions that had been stirred in him by -the events of the day. Symbols, fast-shifting, -protean, passed in suggestive procession before his -mind’s eye, in the way that symbols ever will—in -a poet’s heart. He thought of children, of <em>the</em> -children, and of the extraordinarily fresh appeal they -had made to him. Children: how near they, too, -stood to the great things of life, and all the nearer, -perhaps, for not being aware of it. How their farseeing -eyes and their simple, unlined souls pointed -the way, like Nature, to the ideal region of which -he was always dreaming: to Reality, to God.</p> - -<p class='c011'>All real children knew and understood; were -ready to offer their timid yet unhesitating guidance, -and without question or explanation.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Had, then, Nixie and her troupe already taken -him prisoner? And were the soft chains already -twined about his neck?...</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul hardly acknowledged the question definitely -to himself. He was merely dreaming, and his -dreams, rising and falling like the tides of a sea, -bore him to and fro among the shoals and inlands -of the day’s events. The spell of the English -June night was very strong upon him, no doubt, -for presently a door opened somewhere behind him, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_80'>80</span>and the very children he was thinking about danced -softly into the room. Nixie came up close and -gazed into his very eyes, and again there began that -odd singing in his heart that he had twice noticed -during the day. An atmosphere of magic, shot -with gold and silver, came with the child into the -room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For the fact was—though he realised it only -dimly—the Fates were now making him a deliberate -offer. Had he not been so absorbed, he would have -perceived and appreciated the delicacy of their action. -As a rule they command, whereas now they were -only suggesting.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was really his own heart asking. Here, in this -rambling country house under the hills, was an -opportunity of entering the region to which all that -was best and truest in him naturally belonged. The -experience might prove a stepping-stone to a final -readjustment of his peculiar being with the normal -busy world of common things. Here was a safety-valve, -as he called it, a channel through which he -might express much, if not all, of his accumulated -stores. The guides, now fast asleep in their beds, -had sent out their little dream-bodies to bring the -invitation; they were ready and waiting.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And he, thinking there under the stars his queer, -long thoughts, bred in years of solitude, dallied -with the invitation, and—hesitated. The inevitable -pain frightened him—the pain of being young when -<span class='pageno' id='Page_81'>81</span>the world cries that you are old; the pang of the -eternal contrast when the world would laugh at what -seemed to it a foolish fantasy of youth—a pose, a -dream that must bring a bitter awakening! He -heard the voices but too plainly, and shrank quickly -from the sound.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But Nixie, standing there beside him with such -gentle persistence, certainly made him waver.... The -temptation to yield was strong and seductive.... Yet, -when the faint splendour of the summer -moonrise dimmed the stars near the horizon, and -the pines shone tipped with silver, he found himself -borne down by the sense of caution that urged no -revolutionary change, and advised him to keep his -armour tightly buckled on in the disguise he had -adopted.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He would wait and see—a little longer, at any -rate; and meanwhile he must be firm and stern -and dull; master of himself, and apparently normal.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He walked to the dressing-table and lit his -candles, and, as he did so, caught a picture of himself -in the glass. There was a gleam of subdued -fire in his eyes, he thought, that was not naturally -there. Something about him looked a little wild; -it made him laugh.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He laughed to think how utterly absurd it was -that a man of his size and age, and—But the idea -refused to frame himself in language—He did not -know exactly why he laughed, for at the same time -<span class='pageno' id='Page_82'>82</span>he felt sad. With him, as with all other children, -tears and laughter are never far apart. It would -have been just as intelligible if he had cried.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But when the candles were out and he was in -bed, and the stars were peeping into the darkened -room, the memory of his laughter seemed unreal, -and the sound of it oddly remote.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, after all, that laughter was rather mysterious. -It was not the Outer Paul laughing at -the Inner Paul. It was the Inner Paul laughing -with himself.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_83'>83</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER VII</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The imaginative process may be likened to the state of reverie.</div> - <div class='line'>—<span class='sc'>Alison.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>The psychology of sleep being apparently beyond -all intelligible explanation, it was not surprising that -he woke up next morning as though he had gone -to bed without a single perplexity. He remembered -none of the thoughts that had thronged his brain a -few short hours before; perhaps they had all slipped -down into the region of submerged consciousness, to -crop out later in natural, and apparently spontaneous, -action.</p> - -<p class='c011'>At any rate he remembered little enough of his -troubles when he woke and saw the fair English sun -streaming in through the open windows. Odours of -woods and dew-drenched lawns came into the room, -and the birds were singing with noise enough to -waken all the country-side. It was impossible to lie -in bed. He was up and dressed long before any -servant came to call him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Downstairs he found the house in darkness; doors -barred and windows heavily shuttered as though the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_84'>84</span>house had expected an attack. Not a soul was -stirring. The air was close and musty. The idea -of having to strike a match in a ‘country’ house at -6 <span class='fss'>A.M.</span> somehow oppressed him. Not knowing his -way about very well yet, he stumbled across the hall -to find a door, and as he did so something soft came -rubbing against his legs. He put his hand down in -the darkness and felt a furry, warm body and a stiff -upright tail that reached almost to his knees. The -thing began to purr.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I declare!’ he exclaimed; ‘Mrs. Tompkyns!’ -and he struck a match and followed her to the -drawing-room door. A moment later they had -unfastened the shutters of the French window—Mrs. -Tompkyns assisting by standing on her hind -legs and tapping the swinging bell—and made their -way out on to the lawn.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The sunshine came slanting between the cedars -and lay in shining strips on the grass. Everything -glistened with dew. The air was sweet and fresh -as it only is in the early hours after the dawn. Very -faintly, as though its mind was not yet made up, the -air stirred among the bushes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul’s first impulse was to waken the entire -household so that they might share with him this -first glory of the morning. ‘Probably they don’t -know how splendid it is!’ The thought of the -sleeping family, many of them perhaps with closed -windows, missing all the wonder, was a positive pain -<span class='pageno' id='Page_85'>85</span>to him. But, fortunately for himself, he decided -it might be better not to begin his visit in this -way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I guess you and I, Mrs. Tompkyns, are the -only people about,’ he said, looking down at the -beautiful grey creature that sniffed the air calmly -at his feet. ‘Come on, then. Let’s make a raid -together on the woods!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He threw a disdainful glance at the sleeping -house; no smoke came from the chimneys; most -of the upper windows were closed. A delicious -fragrance stole out of the woods to meet him as he -strolled across the wet lawn. He felt like a schoolboy -doing something out of bounds.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You lead and I follow,’ he said, addressing his -companion in mischief.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And at once his attention became absorbed in the -animal’s characteristic behaviour. Obviously it was -delighted to be with him; yet it did not wish him -to think so, or, if he did think so, to give any sign -of the fact. Nothing could have been plainer. -First it crept along by the stone wall delicately, with -its body very close to the ground as though the -weight of the atmosphere oppressed it; and when -he spoke, it turned its head with an affectation of -genuine surprise as though it would say, ‘You here! -I thought I was alone.’ Then it sat down on the -gravel path and began to wash its face and paws -till he had passed, after which—when he was not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_86'>86</span>looking, of course—it followed him condescendingly, -sniffing at blades of grass <i><span lang="fr">en route</span></i> without actually -touching them, and flicking its tail upwards with -sudden, electric jerks.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul understood in a general way what was -expected of him. He watched it surreptitiously, -pretending to examine the flowers. For this, he -knew, was the great Cat Game of elaborate pretence. -And Mrs. Tompkyns, true adept in the art, played -up wonderfully, and incidentally taught him much -about the ways and methods of simple disguise; -it advanced stealthily when he wasn’t looking; it -stopped to wash, or gaze into the air, the moment -he turned. It was very shy, and very affected, and -very self-conscious. Inimitable was the way it kept -to all the little rules of the game. It walked daintily -down the path after him, shaking the dew from -its paws with a rapid, quivering motion. Then, -suddenly arching its back as though momentarily -offended—at nothing—it stared up at him with an -expression that seemed to question his very existence. -‘I guess I ought to fade away when you look at me -like that!’ was his thought.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m here. I’m coming, Mrs. Tompkyns,’ he -felt constrained to remark aloud before going -forward again. ‘The grand morning excites my -blood just as much as it excites your own.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It seemed necessary to assert his presence. No -intelligent person can be conceited long in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_87'>87</span>presence of a cat. No living creature can so -sublimely ‘ignore.’ But Paul was not conceited. -He continued to watch it with delight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>One very important rule of the game appeared -to be that plenty of bushes were necessary by way -of cover, so that it could pretend it was not really -coming farther than the particular bush where it was -hiding at the moment. Instinctively, he never made -the grave mistake of calling it to follow; and though -it never trotted alongside, being always either behind -or in front of him, the presence of the cat in his -immediate neighbourhood provided all sorts of company -imaginable. It had also provided him with -an opportunity to play the hero.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, suddenly, the calm and peace of the -morning was disturbed by a scene of strange -violence. Mrs. Tompkyns, with spread legs, dashed -past him at a surprising speed and flew up the trunk -of a big tree as though all the dogs in the county -were at her heels. From this position of vantage -she looked back over her shoulder with hysterical -and frightened eyes. There was a great show of -terror, a vast noise of claws upon the bark. No -actress could have created better the atmosphere of -immediate danger and alarm.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul had an instinctive <em>flair</em> for this move of the -game. He made a great pretence of running up to -save the cat from its awful position, but of course -long before he got there she had dropped laughingly -<span class='pageno' id='Page_88'>88</span>to earth again, having thus impressed upon him the -value of her life.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A question of life or death that time, I think, -Mrs. Tompkyns,’ he said soothingly, trying to stroke -her back. ‘I wonder if the head-gardener’s grandmother -after whom you were named ever did this -sort of thing. I doubt it!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But the creature escaped from him easily. For -no one is ever caught in the true Cat Game. It -scuttled down the path at full speed in a sort of -canter, but sideways, as though a violent wind blew -it and desperate resistance was necessary to keep on -its feet at all. After that its self-consciousness seemed -to disappear a little. It behaved normally. It stalked -birds that showed, however, no fear of its approach. -It sniffed the tips of leaves. It played baby-fashion -with various invisible companions; and finally it -vanished in a thick jungle of laurels to hunt in -savage earnest, and left Paul to his own devices. -Like all its kind, it only wished to prove how -charming it could be, in order to emphasise later -its utter independence of human sympathy and -companionship.</p> - -<p class='c010'>‘If you <em>must</em> go, I suppose you must,’ he laughed, -‘and I shall try to enjoy myself without you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He strolled on alone and lost himself in the pine-wood -that flanked the back lawn, stopping finally by -a gate that led to the world of gorse and heather -<span class='pageno' id='Page_89'>89</span>beyond. The brilliant patches of yellow wafted -perfumes to his nostrils. Far in the distance a blue -line hinted where the sea lay; and over all lay the -radiance of the early morning. The old spell was -there that never failed to make his heart leap. And, -as he stood still, the cuckoo flitted, invisible and -mischievous, from tree to tree, calling with its flutelike -notes,—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sung beyond memory,</div> - <div class='line'>When golden to the winds this world of ours</div> - <div class='line'>Waved wild with boundless flowers;</div> - <div class='line'>Sung in some past where wildernesses were,—</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>and his thoughts went roaming back to the great -woods he had left behind, woods where the naked -streams ran shouting and lawless, where the trees -had not learned self-consciousness, and where no -little tame folk trotted on velvet feet through trim -and scented gardens.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the virgin glory of the morning entered into -him with that searching sweetness which is almost -suffering, just as a few hours before the Night had -bewitched him with the mystery of her haunted -caverns. For the beauty of Nature that comes to -most softly, with hints, came to him with an exquisite -fierce fever that was pain,—with something -of the full-fledged glory that burst upon Shelley—and -to bear it, unrelieved by expression, was a -perpetual torment to him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But, after long musing that led he scarcely knew -<span class='pageno' id='Page_90'>90</span>where, Paul came back to himself—and laughed. -Laughter was better than sighing, and he was too -much of a child to go long without the sense of -happiness coming uppermost. He lit his pipe—that -most delicious of all, the pipe before breakfast—and -wandered out into the sea of yellow gorse, thinking -aloud, laughing, talking to himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Something in the performance of Mrs. Tompkyns -awakened the train of thought of the night before. -The sublime acting of the animal—he dared not call -it ‘beast’—linked him on to the children’s world. -They, too, had a magnificent condescension for the -mere grown-up person. But he—he was <em>not</em> grown -up. It made him sigh and laugh to think of it. -He was a great, overgrown child, playing with -gorgeously coloured dreams while the world of -ordinary life passed him by.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The animals and the children linked on again, of -course, with the region of fantasy and make-believe, -the world of creation, the world of eternity, the world -where thoughts were alive, and strong belief was a -creative act.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s where I still belong,’ he said aloud, picking -his way among the waves of yellow sea, ‘and I -shall never get out till I die, my visions unexpressed, -my singing dumb.’ He laughed and threw a stone -at a bush that had no blossoms. ‘Oh, if only I -knew how to link on with the normal world of fact -<em>without losing the other</em>! To turn all these seething -<span class='pageno' id='Page_91'>91</span>dreams within me to some account. To show them -to others!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He ran and cleared a low gorse-bush with a -flying jump.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That would be worth living for,’ he continued, -panting; ‘to make these things real to all the -people who live in little cages. By Jove, it would -open doors and windows in thousands of cages all -over the world, besides providing me with the -outlet I must find some day or—’ he sprang over -a ditch, slipped, and landed head first into prickles—‘or -explode!’ he concluded with a shout of -laughter that no one heard but the cuckoos and -the yellow-hammers. Then he fell into a reverie, -and his thoughts travelled farther still—into the -Beyond.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Quickly recovering himself, and picking up his -pipe, he went on towards the house; and, as he -emerged from the pine copse again, the sound of a -gong, ringing faintly in the distance, brought him -back to earth with a shock almost as abrupt as the -ditch. Mrs. Tompkyns appeared simultaneously, -wearing an aspect of pristine innocence, admirably -assumed the instant she caught sight of him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Fancy your being out here!’ was the expression -of her whole person, ‘and coming, too, in just -as the gong sounds!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Breakfast, I suppose!’ he observed. And she -trotted behind him like a dog. For all her affectations -<span class='pageno' id='Page_92'>92</span>of superiority she wanted her milk just as much -as he wanted his coffee.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He walked into the dining-room, through the -window, stiffening as he did so with the resolution -of the night before. His armour fitted him tightly. -Little animals, children, the too searching calls of -Nature, occult, symbolic, magical—all these must be -sternly resisted and suppressed in the company of -others. The danger of letting his imagination loose -was too alarming. The ridicule would overwhelm -him. In the eyes of the world he now lived in he -would seem simply mad. The risk was impossible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Like the Christian Scientists, he felt the need -of vigorous affirmation: ‘I am Paul Rivers. I am -a grown-up man. I am an official in a lumber -Company. I am forty-five. I have a beard. I am -important and sedate.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Thus he fortified himself; and thus, like the -persuasive Mrs. Tompkyns on the lawn, he imagined -that he was deceiving both himself—and those who -were <em>on the watch</em>!</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_93'>93</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER VIII</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em>And a little child shall lead them.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>A week passed quickly away and found Paul still -in his sister’s house. The country air agreed with -him, and he went for long walks over the heathery -hills and down to the sea. The little private study -provided for him,—remembering Mrs. Tompkyns’ -example, he made a brave pretence of having reports -to write to his lumber Company—was admirable -for his work. As a place of retreat when he felt -temptation too strong upon him, or danger was near -at hand, he used it constantly. He scented conditions -in advance very often, though no one probably would -have suspected it of him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Once or twice he lunched out with neighbours, -and sometimes people motored over to tea; companionship -and society were at hand if he wanted -them. And books of the kind he loved stood in -precious rows upon the shelves of Dick’s well-stored -library. Here he browsed voraciously.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His sister, meanwhile, showed tact hardly to be -expected of her. She tried him tentatively with -many things to see if he liked them, but she made -<span class='pageno' id='Page_94'>94</span>no conspicuous plans for him, and took good care -that he was left entirely to his own devices. A kind -of intelligent truce had established itself between -them—these two persons who lived in different -worlds and stared at one another with something -like astonishment over the top of a high wall. -Moreover, her languid interest in life made no claims -upon him; there was pleasant companionship, gentle -talks, and genuine, if thinly coloured, affection. He -felt absolutely free, yet was conscious of being looked -after with kindness and discretion. She managed -him so well, in fact, that he hardly realised he was -being managed at all.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He fell more easily than he had thought possible -into the routine of the uneventful country life. -From feeling ‘caged’ he came to feel ‘comfortable.’ -June, and the soft forces of the summer, purred -about him, and almost without knowing it he began -to purr with them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For his superabundant energy he found relief -in huge walks, early and late, and in all manner -of unnecessary and invented labours of Hercules -about the place. Thus, he dammed up the little -stream that trickled harmlessly through the Gwyle -pine-wood, making a series of deep pools in which -he bathed when the spirit moved him; he erected -a gigantic and very dangerous see-saw for the -children (and himself) across a fallen trunk; and, -by means of canvas, boards, and steps, he constructed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_95'>95</span>a series of rooms and staircases in a spreading ilex tree, -with rope railings and bells at each ‘floor’ for -visitors, so that even the gardeners admitted it was -the most wonderful thing they had ever set eyes -upon in a tree.</p> - -<p class='c011'>With the children he was, however, careful to play -the part he had decided to play. He was kind and -good-natured; he spent a good deal of time with -them daily; he even submitted periodically to be -introduced all over again to the out-of-door animals, -but he went through it all soberly and deliberately, -and flattered himself that he was quite successful -in presenting to them the ‘Uncle Paul’ whom -it was best for his safety they should know.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Heart-searchings and temptations he had in -plenty, but came through the ordeal with flying -colours, and by the end of the first week he was -satisfied that they accepted him as he wished—sedate, -stolid, dull, and ‘grown up.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet, all the time, there was something that -puzzled him. Under the leadership of Nixie the -children played up almost too admirably. It was -almost as though he had called them and explained -everything in detail. In spite of himself, they -seemed somehow or other to have got into his -confidence, so that he felt his pretence was after -all not so effective as he meant it to be.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Even—nay, especially—the way he was ‘accepted’ -by the animals was suspicious—for nothing can -<span class='pageno' id='Page_96'>96</span>be more eloquent of the true relations between -children and a grown-up than the terms they permit -their animals to have towards him—and this easy -acceptance of himself as he pretended to be constituted -the most wearing and subtle kind of attack -he could possibly conceive. He felt as if the steel -casings of his armour were changing into cardboard; -soon they would become mere tissue-paper, and then -turn transparent and melt away altogether.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They seem to think it’s all put on, this stiffness of -mine,’ he thought more than once. ‘Perhaps they’re -playing a sort of game with me. If once they find -out I’m only acting—whew!’ he whistled low—‘the -game is up at once! I must keep an eye peeled!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Consequently he kept that eye peeled; he made -more use of his private study, and so often gave -the excuse of having reports to write that, had it -been true, his lumber Company would have been -obliged to double its staff in order to read them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet, even in the study, he was not absolutely safe.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The children penetrated there too. They knocked -elaborately—always; but with the knock he invariably -realised a roguish pair of eyes and a sly laugh -on the other side of the door. It was like knocking -on his heart direct. He always said—in a bored, -unnatural tone:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, come in, whoever it is!’ knowing quite -well who it was. And, then, in they would come—one -or the other of them.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_97'>97</span>They slipped in softly as shadows, like the coming -of dusk, like stray puffs of wind, fragrant and -summery, or like unexpected rays of light as the -sun walked round the house in the afternoon. And -when they were gone—swiftly, like the sun dipping -behind a cloud—lo, the room seemed cold and -empty again.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, they’re up to something, they’re up to -something,’ he said wisely to himself with a sigh. -‘They’re laying traps for me, bless their little -insolences!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the more he thought about it, the more -certain he felt that Nixie, Jonah, and Toby were -simply playing the Cat Game—pretending to accept -his attitude because they saw he wished it. Only, -less occult and intelligent than the cat, they sometimes -made odd little slips that betrayed them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For instance, one evening Jonah penetrated into -the study to say good-night, and brought the Chow -puppies, China and Japan, with him. Their tails -curled over their backs like wire brushes; their -vigorous round bodies, for ever on the move, -were all he could manage. Having been duly -kissed, the child waited, however, for something -else, and at length, receiving no assistance from -his uncle, he lifted each puppy in turn on to -the table.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You, Uncle, please hold them; I can’t,’ he -explained.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_98'>98</span>And, rather grimly, Paul tried to keep the two -wriggling bodies still, while Jonah then came up -a little closer to his chair.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>They</em> have reports to write too, to their lumber-kings,’ -he said, his face solemn as a gong—using -a phrase culled heaven knows where. ‘So will -you please see that they don’t make blots either.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But how did you know there were such things as -lumber-kings?’ Paul asked, surprised.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I didn’t know. They knew,’ with a jerk of his -head toward the struggling puppies, who hated the -elevation of the table and the proximity of Paul’s -bearded face. ‘They said you told them.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was no trace of a smile in his eyes; -nothing but the earnest expression of the child -taking part in the ponderous make-believe of the -grown-up. Paul felt that by this simple expedient -his reports and the safety they represented had -been reduced in a single moment to the level of a -paltry pretence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He blushed. ‘Well, tell them to run after their -tails more, and think less,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All right, Uncle Paul,’ and the boy was gone, -grave as any judge.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Toby, her small round face still shining -like an onion skin, had a different but equally -effective method of showing him that he belonged -to their world in spite of his clumsy pretence. She -gave him lessons in Natural History. One afternoon -<span class='pageno' id='Page_99'>99</span>when a brightly-coloured creature darted across -the page of his book, and he referred to it as a -‘beetle,’ she very smartly rebuked him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not beetle, but beetie, <em>that</em> one,’ she corrected -him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He thought at first this was merely a child’s -abbreviation, but she went on to instruct him fully, -and he discovered that the ordinary coleopterist has -a great deal yet to learn in the proper classification -of his species.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There are beetles, and beedles, and beeties,’ she -explained standing by his chair on the lawn, and -twiddling with his watch-chain. ‘Beeties are all -bright-coloured and little and very pretty—like -ladybirds.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And beedles?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, b-e-e-e-d-d-dles,’ pronouncing the word -heavily and slowly, ‘are the stupid fat ones in the -road that always get run over. They’re always -sleepy, you see, but quite nice, oh, quite nice;’ she -hastened to add lest Paul should dislike them from -her description.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And all the rest are beetles, I suppose, just -ordinary beetles?’ he asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Beetles,’ she said, with the calmness of superior -knowledge, ‘are fast, black things that scuttle about -kitchens. Horrid and crawly! <em>Now</em> you know -them all!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She ran off with a burst of laughter upon that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_100'>100</span>face of polished onion skin, and left her uncle to -reflect deeply upon this new world of beetles.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The lesson was instructive and symbolic, though -the choice of subject was not as poetic as might have -been. With this new classification as a starting-point, -the child, no doubt, had erected a vast superstructure -of wonder, fun, beauty, and—why not?—truth! -For children, he mused, are ever the true -idealists. In their games of make-believe they -create the world anew—in six minutes. They -scorn measurements, and deal directly with the -eternal principles behind things. With a little mud -on the end of a stick they trace the course of the -angels, and with the wooden-blocks of their building-boxes -they erect the towering palaces of a universe -that shall never pass away.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet what they did, surely he also did! His -world of imagination was identical with theirs of -make-believe. Was, then, the difference between -them one of expression merely?...</p> - -<p class='c011'>Toby came thundering up and fell upon him -from nowhere.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Uncle Paul,’ she said rather breathlessly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, dear,’ he made answer, still thinking upon -beedles and beeties.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘On the path down there by the rosydandrums -there’s a beedle now—a big one with horns—if -you’d like to see it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh! By the rhododendrons, you mean?’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_101'>101</span>‘Yes, by the rosydandrums,’ she repeated. -‘Only we must be quick or he’ll get home before -we come.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He was far more keen to see that “beedle” than -she was. Yet for the immediate safety of his soul -he refused.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie it was, however, who penetrated furthest -into the fortress. She came with a fearless audacity -that fairly made him tremble. She had only to -approach for him to become aware how poorly his -suit of armour fitted.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But she was so gentle and polite about it that -she was harder to withstand than all the others put -together. She was slim and insinuating in body, -mind and soul. Often, before he realised what she -was talking about, her slender little fingers were -between the cracks of his breast-plate. For instance, -after leaving Toby and her “beedle,” he -strolled down to the pine-wood and stood upon -the rustic bridge watching the play of sunlight and -shadow, when suddenly, out of the very water it -seemed, up rose a veritable water-sprite—hatless -and stockingless—Nixie, the ubiquitous.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She scrambled lightly along the steep bank to -his side, and leaned over the railing with him, -staring at their reflections in the stream.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I declare you startled me, child!’ Paul exclaimed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her eyes met his in the running reflection -<span class='pageno' id='Page_102'>102</span>beneath them. Of course, it may have been merely -the trick of the glancing water, but to him it seemed -that her expression was elfin and mischievous.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Did I—<em>really</em>, Uncle Paul?’ she said after a -long silence, and without looking up. But woven -through the simple words, as sunlight is woven -through clearing mist, he divined all the other -meanings of the child’s subtle and curious -personality. It amounted to this—she at once invited, -nay included, him in her own particular tree -and water world: included him because he belonged -there with her, and she simply couldn’t help herself. -There was no favour about it one way or the other.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The compliment—the temptation—was overwhelming. -Paul shivered a little, actually shivered, -as he stood beside her in the sunshine. For several -minutes they leaned there in silence, gazing at the -flowing water.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The woods are <em>very</em> busy—this evening,’ she -said at length.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m sure they are,’ he answered, before he quite -realised what he was saying. Then he pulled himself -together with an effort.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But does Mlle. Fleury know, and approve—?’ -he asked a little stiffly, glancing down at her bare -legs and splashed white frock.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, no,’ she laughed wickedly, ‘but then -Mlle. only understands what she sees with her eyes! -She is much too mixed up and educated to know -<span class='pageno' id='Page_103'>103</span>all <em>this</em> kind of thing!’ She made a gesture to -include the woods about them. ‘Her sort of -knowledge is so stuffing, you know.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Rather,’ he exclaimed. ‘I would far sooner -know the trees themselves than know their Latin -names.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It slipped out in spite of himself. The next -minute he could have bitten his tongue off. But -Nixie took no advantage of him. She let his words -pass as something taken for granted.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I mean—it’s better to learn useful things while -you can,’ he said hurriedly, blushing in his confusion -like a child.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie peered steadily down into the water for -several minutes before she said anything more.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Either she’s found me out and knows everything,’ -thought Paul; ‘or she hasn’t found me -out and knows nothing.’ But which it was, for -the life of him, he couldn’t be certain.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh,’ she cried suddenly, looking up into his -face, her eyes, to Paul’s utter amazement, wet -with tears, ‘Oh! how Daddy must have loved -you!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, before he could think of a word to say, -she was gone! Gone into the woods with a fluttering -as of white wings.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So apparently I am not too mixed up and -educated for their exquisite little world,’ he reflected, -as soon as the emotion caused by her last -<span class='pageno' id='Page_104'>104</span>words had subsided a little; ‘and the things I know -are not of the “stuffing” kind!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It all made him think a good deal—this attitude -the children adopted towards <em>his</em> attitude, this unhesitating -acceptance of him in spite of all his -pretence. But he still valiantly maintained his -studied aloofness of manner, and never allowed -himself to overstep the danger line. He never -forgot himself when he played with them, and the -stories he told were just what they called “ornary” -stories, and not tales of pure imagination and -fantasy. The rules of the game, finely balanced, -were observed between them just as between himself -and Mrs. Tompkyns.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet somehow, by unregistered degrees and secretly, -they loosened the joints of his armour day by day -and hour by hour.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_105'>105</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER IX</h2> -</div> -<p class='c012'>All the Powers that vivify nature must be children, for all the fairies, -and gnomes, the goblins, yes, and the great giants too, are only different -sizes and shapes and characters of children.—<em>George MacDonald.</em></p> - -<p class='c010'>It was a week later, and Paul was smoking his -evening pipe on the lawn before dinner. His sister -was in London for a couple of days. Mlle. Fleury -had gone to the dentist in the neighbouring town -and had not yet returned. The children, consequently, -had been running rather wild.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The sun had barely disappeared, when the full -moon, rising huge and faint in the east, cast a silvery -veil over the gardens and the wood. The night -came treading softly down the sky, passing with -an almost visible presence from the hills to the -motionless trees in the valley, and then sinking gently -and mysteriously down into the very roots of the -grass and flowers.</p> - -<p class='c011'>During the day there had been rain—warm -showers alternating with dazzling sunshine as in -April—and now the earth, before going to sleep, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_106'>106</span>was sending out great wafts of incense. Paul sniffed -it in with keen enjoyment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The odour of burning wood floated to him over -the tree-tops, hanging a little heavily in the moist -atmosphere; he thought of a hundred fires of his -own making—elsewhere, far away! ‘And grey -dawns saw his camp-fires in the rain,’ he murmured.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He wandered down to the Larch Gate, so called -by the children because the larches stood there about -the entrance of the wood like the porch of some -forest temple. He halted, listening to the faint -drip-drip of the trees, and as he listened, he thought; -and his thoughts, like stones falling through a deep -sea, sank down into the depths of him where so little -light was that no words came to give them form or -substance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Overhead, the blue lanes of the sky down which -the sunlight had poured all day were slowly softening -for the coming of the stars; and in himself the -plastic depths, he felt, were a-stirring, as though -some great change that he could not alter or control -were about to take place in him. He was aware of -an unwonted undercurrent of excitement in his blood. -It seemed to him that there was ‘something afoot,’ -although he had no evidence to warrant the suspicion.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Something’s up to-night,’ he murmured between -the puffs of his pipe. ‘There’s something in the -air!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He blew a long whiff of smoke and watched it -<span class='pageno' id='Page_107'>107</span>melt away over a bed of mignonette among the blue -shadows where the dusk gathered beneath the ilex -trees. There, for a moment, his eye followed it, and -just as it sifted off into transparency he became aware -with a start of surprise that behind the bushes something -was moving. He looked closer.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s stopped,’ he muttered; ‘but only a second -ago it was moving—moving parallel with myself.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul was well accustomed to watching the motions -of wild creatures in the forest; his eye was trained -like the eye of an Indian. The gloom at first was -too dense for anything to differentiate itself from -their general mass, but after a short inspection his -sight detected little bits of shadow that were lighter -or darker than other little bits. The moving thing -began to assume outline.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s a person!’ he decided. ‘It’s somebody -watching—watching <em>me</em>!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He took a step forward, and the figure likewise -advanced, keeping even pace with him. He went -faster, and the figure also went faster; it moved very -silently, very softly, ‘like an Indian,’ he thought with -admiration. Behind the Blue Summer-house, where -they sometimes had tea on wet days, it disappeared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There are no cattle-stealers, or timber-sneaks in -this country,’ he reflected, ‘but there are burglars. -Perhaps this is a burglar who knows Margaret is -away and thinks—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He had not time to finish what the burglar -<span class='pageno' id='Page_108'>108</span>thought, for at that moment, at the top of the Long -Walk, where the moonlight already lay in a patch, -the figure suddenly dashed out at full speed from the -cover of the bushes, and he beheld, not a burglar, -but—a little girl in a blue frock with a broad white -collar, and long, black spindle legs.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie, my dear child!’ he exclaimed. ‘But -aren’t you in bed?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a stupid question of course, and she did -not attempt to answer it, but came up close to him, -picking her way neatly between the flower-beds. -The moon gleamed on her shiny black shoes and on -her shiny yellow hair; over her summer dress she -wore a red cloak, but it was open and only held to -her by two thin bands about the neck. Under the -hood he saw her elf-like face, the expression grave, -but the eyes bright with excitement, and she moved -softly over the grass like a shadow, timidly, yet -without hesitation. A small, warm hand stole -into his.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul put his pipe, still alight, into his pocket -like a naughty boy caught smoking, and turned to -face her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘’Pon my soul, Nixie, I believe you really <em>are</em> -a sprite!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She let go his hand and sprang away lightly over -the lawn, laughing silently, her hood dropping off -so that her hair flew out in a net to catch the moonlight, -and for an instant he imagined he was looking -<span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span>at running water, swift and dancing; but the very -next second she was back at his side again, the red -hood replaced, the cloak gathered tightly about her -slim person, feeling for his big hand again with both -of her own.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘At night I <em>am</em> a sprite,’ she whispered laughing, -‘and mind I don’t bewitch you altogether!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She drew him gently across the lawn, choosing -the direction with evident purpose, and he, curiously -and suddenly bereft of all initiative, allowed her to -do as she would.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But, please, Uncle Paul,’ she went on with vast -gravity,’ I want you to be serious now. I’ve something -to say to you, and that’s why I’m not in bed -when I ought to be. All the other Sprites are -about too, you know, so be very careful how you -answer.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The big man allowed himself to be led away. -He felt his armour dropping off in great flakes as -he went. No light is so magical as in that mingled -hour of sun and moon when the west is still burning -and the east just a-glimmer with the glory that is to -come. Paul felt it strongly. He was half with the -sun and half with the moon, and the gates of fantasy -seemed somewhere close at hand. Curtains were -being drawn aside, veils lifting, doors softly opening. -He almost heard the rush of the wind behind, and -tasted the keen, sweet excitement of another world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He turned sharply to look at his companion. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>But first he put the hood back, for she seemed more -human that way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well, child!’ he said, as gruffly as he could -manage, ‘and what is it you have stayed up so late -to ask me?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s something I have to say to you, not to <em>ask</em>,’ -she replied at once demurely. There was a delicious -severity about her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>After a pause of twenty seconds she tripped round -in front of him and stared full into his face. He -felt as though she cried ‘Hands up’ and held a six-shooter -to his head. She pulled the trigger that -same moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Isn’t it time now to stop writing all those Reports, -and to take off your dressing-up things?’ she -asked with decision.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul stopped abruptly and tried to disengage his -hand, but she held him so tightly that he could not -escape without violence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What dressing-up things are you talking about?’ -he asked, forcing a laugh which, he admitted -himself, sounded quite absurd.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All this pretending that you’re so old, and don’t -know about things—I mean <em>real</em> things—<em>our</em> things.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He searched as in a fever for the right words—words -that should be true and wise, and safe—but -before he could pick them out of the torrent of -sentences that streamed through his mind, she had -gone on again. She spoke calmly, but very gravely.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>‘We are <em>so</em> tired of helping to pretend with you; -and we’ve been waiting patiently <em>so</em> long. Even -Toby knows it’s only ’sguise you put on to -tease us.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Even Toby?’ he repeated foolishly, avoiding -her brilliant eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And it really isn’t quite fair, you know. There -are so very few that care—and understand—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There came a little quaver in her voice. She -hardly came up to his shoulder. He felt as though -a whole bathful of happiness had suddenly been upset -inside him, and was running about deliciously through -his whole being—as though he wanted to run and -dance and sing. It was like the reaction after tight -boots—collars—or tight armour—and the blood was -beginning to flow again mightily. Nothing could -stop it. Some keystone in the fabric of his being -dropped or shifted. His whole inner world fell into -a new pattern. Resistance was no longer possible or -desirable. He had done his best. Now he would -give in and enjoy himself at last.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But, my dear child—my dear little Nixie—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No, really, Uncle, there’s no good talking like -that,’ she interrupted, her voice under command -again, though still aggrieved, ‘because you know -quite well we’re all waiting for you to join us -properly—our Society, I mean—and have our -a’ventures with us—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She called it ‘aventures.’ She left out all consonants -<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>when excited. The word caught him sharply. -Nixie had wounded him better than she knew.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Er—then do you have adventures?’ he asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course—wonderful.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But not—er—the sort—er—I could join in?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course; very wonderfulindeedaventures. -That’s what Daddy used to call them—before he -went away.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was Dick himself speaking. Paul imagined -he could hear the very voice. Another, and deeper, -emotion surged through him, making all the heartstrings -quiver.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He turned and looked about him, still holding -the child tightly by the hand....</p> - -<p class='c011'>Behind him he heard the air moving in the -larches, combing out their long green hair; the -pampas grass rustled faintly on the lawn just -beyond; and from the wood, now darkening, came -the murmur of the brook. On his right, the old -house looked shadowy and unreal. There stood -the chimneys, like draped figures watching him, -with the first stars peeping over their hunched -shoulders. Dew glistened on the slates of the roof; -beyond them he saw the clean outline of the hill, -darkly sweeping up into the pallor of the sunset. -There, too, past the wall of the house, he saw the -great distances of heathland moving down through -crowds of shadows to the sea. And the moon was -higher.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>‘There’s seats in the Blue Summer-house,’ the -voice beside him said, with insinuation as well as -command.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He found it impossible to resist; indeed, the -very desire to resist had been spirited away. Slowly -they made their way across the silvery patchwork of -the lawn to the door of the Blue Summer-house. -This was a tumble-down structure with a thatched -roof; it had once been blue, but was now no colour -at all. Low seats ran round the inside walls, and as -Paul stood at the dark entrance he perceived that -these seats were already occupied; and he hesitated. -But Nixie pulled him gently in.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is a regular Meeting,’ she said, as naturally -as though she had been wholly innocent of a part -in the plot. ‘They’ve only been waiting for us. -Please come in.’ She even pushed him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It may be regular, but it is most unexpected,’ -he said, breathless rather, and curiously shy as he -crossed the threshold and peered round at the silent -faces about him. Eyes, he saw, were big and round -and serious, shining with excitement. Clearly it -was a very important occasion. He wondered what -an ‘irregular’ meeting would be like.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We waited till mother was away,’ explained a -candid voice, speaking with solemnity from the -recesses.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And till Madmerzelle had to go to the dentist -and stay to tea,’ added another.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>‘So that it would be easier for <em>you</em> to come,’ -concluded Nixie, lest he should think all these -excuses were only on their own account.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She led him across the cobbled floor to a wooden -arm-chair with crooked and shattered legs, and -persuaded him to sit down. He did so.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There was some sense in that, at any rate,’ he -remarked irrelevantly, not quite sure whether he -referred to the children, or Mademoiselle, or the -chair, and landing at the same instant with a crash -upon the rickety support which was much lower -than he thought it was. The joints and angles of -the wood entered his ribs. He lost all memory of -how to be sedate after that. He began to enjoy -himself absurdly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Silvery laughter was heard, followed immediately -by the sound of rushing little feet as a dozen small -shadows shot out into the moonlight and tore -across the lawn at top speed. China and Japan he -recognised, and a cohort of furry creatures in their -rear.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now you’ve frightened them <em>all</em> away,’ exclaimed -the voice that had spoken first.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Doesn’t matter,’ replied the other, who evidently -spoke with authority; ‘Uncle Paul was in before -they left. They saw the introduction. That’s -enough. So now,’ it added with decision, ‘if you’re -quite ready we’d better begin.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul grasped by this time that he was the central -<span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>figure in some secret ceremony of the children, that -it was of vital importance to them, as well as a -profound compliment to himself. The animals -formed part of it so long as they could be persuaded -to stay. Their own rituals, however, were so vastly -more wonderful and dignified—especially the Ritual -of the Cats—that they were somewhat contemptuous, -and had escaped at the earliest opportunity. It was, -of course, his formal initiation into their world of -make-believe and imagination. He stood before -them on the floor of this tumbled-down Blue -Summer-house in the capacity of the Candidate. -Strange chills began to chase one another down his -long spine. A shy happiness swept through him -and made him shiver. ‘Can they possibly guess,’ -he wondered, ‘how far more important this is to -me than to them?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are you ready then?’ Nixie asked again.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Quite ready,’ he replied in a deep and tremulous -voice.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Go ahead then,’ said the voice of decision.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A little bell rang, manipulated by some invisible -hand in the darkness, and Nixie darted forward and -drew a curtain that bore a close resemblance to a -carriage rug across the doorway, so that only the -faintest gleam of moonlight filtered through the -cracks on either side. Then the owner of the -voice of authority left his throne on the back wall -and stepped solemnly forward in the direction of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>the candidate. Paul recognised Jonah with some -difficulty. He tripped twice on the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The stumbling was comprehensible. On his head -he wore a sort of mitre that on ordinary occasions -was evidently used to keep the tea hot on the schoolroom -table; for it was beyond question a tea-cosy. -A garment of variegated colours wrapped his figure -down to the heels and trailed away some distance -behind him. It was either a table-cloth or a housemaid’s -Sunday dress, and it invested him with a -peculiar air of quaint majesty. He might have been -King of the Gnomes. On his hands were large -leathern gauntlets—very large indeed; and with -loose fingers whose movements were clearly difficult -to control, he grasped a stick that once may have -been a hunting crop, but now was certainly a wand -of office.</p> - -<p class='c011'>In front of Paul he came to a full stop, gathering -his robes about him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He made a little bow, during which the mitre -shifted dangerously to one side, and then tapped -the candidate lightly with the wand on the head, -shoulders, and breast.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Please answer now,’ he said in a low tone, and -then went backwards to his seat against the wall. -His robe of office so impeded him that he was -obliged to use the wand as a common walking-stick. -Once or twice, too, he hopped.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you’ve forgotten to ask it,’ whispered -<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>Nixie from the door where she was holding up the -curtains with both hands. ‘He’s got nothing to -answer.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Quickly correcting his mistake, Jonah then stood -up on his seat and said, rather shyly, the following -lines, evidently learned by heart with a good deal of -trouble:—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You’ve applied to our Secret Society,</div> - <div class='line'>Which is full of unusual variety,</div> - <div class='line'>And, in spite of your past,</div> - <div class='line'>We admit you at last,</div> - <div class='line'>But—we hope you’ll behave with propriety.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now, stand up and answer, please,’ whispered -Nixie. ‘Daddy made all this up, you know. It’s -your turn to answer now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul rose with difficulty. At first it seemed as -if the chair meant to rise with him, so tightly did -it fit; but in the end he stood erect without it, -and bowing to the President, he said in solemn -tones—and the words came genuinely from his -heart:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I appreciate the honour done to me. I am very -grateful indeed.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s very good, I think,’ Nixie whispered -under her breath to him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then Toby advanced, climbing down laboriously -from her perch on the broken bench, and stalked -up to the spot just vacated by her brother. She, -too, was suitably dressed for the occasion, but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>owing to her diminutive size, and the fact that -she did not reach up to the patch of moonlight, -it was not possible to distinguish more than the -white cap pinned on to her hair. It looked like -a housekeeper’s cap. She, too, carried a wand of -office. Was it a hunting crop or poker, Paul -wondered?</p> - -<p class='c011'>Toby, then, with much more effort than Jonah, -repeated the formula of admission. She got the -lines a little mixed, however:—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>You’ve applied to our Secret Society,</div> - <div class='line'>Which is full of unusual propriety,</div> - <div class='line'>And, in spite of your past,</div> - <div class='line'>We admit you at last,</div> - <div class='line'>But we hope you’ll <em>behave with variety</em>.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>‘I will endeavour to do so,’ said Paul, replying -with a low bow.</p> - -<p class='c011'>When he rose again to an upright position, Nixie -was standing close in front of him. One arm still -held up the curtains, but the other pointed directly -into his face.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Your ’ficial position in the Society,’ she said in -her thin, musical little voice, also repeating words -learned by heart, ‘will be that of Recording Secretary, -and your principal duties to keep a record of all -the Aventures and to read them aloud at Regular -Meetings. Any Meeting anywhere is a Regular -Meeting. You must further promise on your living -oath not to reveal the existence of the Society, or -<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>any detail of its proceedings, to any person not -approved of by the Society as a whole.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She paused for his reply.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I promise,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘He promises,’ repeated three voices together.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was a general clatter and movement in -the summer-house. He was forced down again into -the rickety chair and the three little officials were -clambering upon his knees before he knew where -he was. All talked breathlessly at once.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now you’re in properly—at last!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You needn’t pretend any more——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But we knew all along you were really trying -hard to get in?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I really believe I was,’ said he, getting in a -chance remark.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They covered him with kisses.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We never thought you were as important as -you pretended,’ Jonah said; ‘and your being so -big made no difference.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Or your beard, Uncle Paul,’ added Toby.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And we never think people old till they’re -married,’ Jonah explained, putting the mitre on his -uncle’s head.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So now we can have our aventures all together,’ -exclaimed Nixie, kissing him swiftly, and leaping -off his knee. The other two followed her example, -and suddenly—he never quite understood how it -happened so quickly—the summer-house was empty, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span>and he was alone with the moonlight. A flash of -white petticoats and slender black legs on the lawn, -and lo, they were gone!</p> - -<p class='c011'>On the gravel path outside sounded a quick step. -Paul started with surprise. The very next minute -Mlle. Fleury, in her town clothes and hat, appeared -round the corner.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘’Ow then!’ she exclaimed sharply, ‘the little -ones zey are no more ’ere? Mr Rivairs...!’ -She shook her finger at him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul tried to look dignified. For the moment, -however, he quite forgot the tea-cosy still balanced -on his head.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Mademoiselle Fleury,’ he said politely, ‘the -children have gone to bed.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It is ’igh time that they are already in bed, -only I hear their voices now this minute,’ she went -on excitedly. ‘They ’ide here, do they not?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I assure you, Mademoiselle, they have gone to -bed,’ Paul said. The woman stared at him with -amazement in her eyes. He wondered why. Then, -with a crash, something fell from the skies, hitting -his nose on the way down, and bounding on to the -ground.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, the mitre!’ he cried with a laugh, ‘I clean -forgot it was there.’ He kicked it aside and stared -with confusion at his companion. She looked very -neat and trim in her smart town frock. He understood -now why she stared so, and his cheeks flamed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span>crimson, though it was too dark for them to be -seen.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Meester Reevairs,’ she said at length, the desire -to laugh and the desire to scold having fought -themselves to a standstill, so that her face betrayed -no expression at all, ‘you lead zem astray, I think.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘On the contrary, it is they who lead me,’ he said -self-consciously. ‘In fact, they have just deprived -me of my very best armour——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Armour!’ she interrupted, ‘<i><span lang="fr">Armoire</span></i>! Ah! -They ’ide upstairs in the cupboard,’—and she turned -to run.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Do not be harsh with them,’ he cried after her, -‘it is all my fault really. I am to blame, not -they.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘’Arsh! Oh no!’ she called back to him. -‘Only, you know, if your seester find them at this -hour not in bed——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul lost the end of the sentence as she turned -the corner of the house. He gathered up the -remnants of the ceremony and followed slowly in -her footsteps.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now, really,’ he thought, ‘what a simple and -charming woman! How her eyes twinkled! And -how awfully nice her voice was!’ He flung down -the rugs and wands and tea-cosy in the hall. ‘Out -there,’ with a jerk in the direction of the Atlantic -Ocean, ‘the whole camp would make her a Queen.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Altogether the excitement of the last hour had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span>been considerable. He felt that something must -happen to him unless he could calm down a bit.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I know,’ he exclaimed aloud, ‘I’ll go and have -a hot bath. There’s just time before dinner. -That’ll take it out of me.’ And he went up the -front stairs, singing like a boy.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER X</h2> -</div> -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Everything possible to be believed is an image of truth.—<span class='sc'>Blake.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>For some days after that Paul walked on air. -Incredible as it may seem to normally constituted -persons, he was so delighted to have found a medium -in which he could in some measure express himself -without fear of ridicule, that the entire world was -made anew for him. He thought about it a great -deal. He even argued in his muddled fashion, but -he got no farther that way. The only thing he -really understood was the plain fact that he had -found a region where his companions were about his -own age, with his own tastes, ready to consider -things that were <em>real</em>, and to let the trivial and -vulgar world go by.</p> - -<p class='c011'>This was the fact that stared him in the face and -made him happy. For the first time in his life he -could play with others. Hitherto he had played -alone.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s a safety-valve at last,’ he exclaimed, using -his favourite word. ‘Now I can let myself go a bit. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span><em>They</em> will never laugh; on the contrary, they’ll -understand and love it. Hooray!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And, remember,’ Nixie had again explained to -him, ‘you have to write down all the aventures. -That’s what keeping the records means. And you -must read them out to us at the Meetings.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And he chuckled as he thought about it, for it -meant having real Reports to write at last, reports -that others would read and appreciate.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The aventures, moreover, began very quickly; -they came thick and fast; and he lived in them so -intensely that he carried them over into his other -dull world, and sometimes hardly knew which world -he was in at all. His imagination, hungry and untamed, -had escaped, and was seeking all it could -devour.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a hot afternoon in mid-June, and Paul -was lying with his pipe upon the lawn. His sister -was out driving. He was alone with the children -and the smaller portion of the menagerie,—smaller -in size, that is, not in numbers; cats, kittens, and -puppies were either asleep, or on the hunt, all about -them. And from an open window a parrot was -talking ridiculously in mixed French and English.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The giant cedars spread their branches; in the -limes the bees hummed drowsily; the world lay -a scented garden around him, and a very soft wind -stole to and fro, stirring the bushes with sleepy -murmurs and making the flowers nod.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>China and Japan lay panting in the shade behind -him, and not far off reposed the big grey Persian, -Mrs. Tompkyns. Regardless of the heat, Pouf, -Zezette, and Dumps flitted here and there as though -the whole lawn was specially made for their games; -and Smoke, the black cat, dignified and mysterious, -lay with eyes half-closed just near enough for Paul -to stroke his sleek, hot sides when he felt so disposed. -He—Smoke that is—blinked indifferently at passing -butterflies, or twitched his great tail at the very tip -when a bird settled in the branches overhead; but -for the most part he was intent upon other matters—matters -of genuine importance that concerned -none but himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A few yards off Jonah and Toby were doing -something with daisies—what it was Paul could not -see; and on his other side Nixie lay flat upon the -grass and gazed into the sky. The governess was—where -all governesses should be out of lesson-time—elsewhere.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie, you’re sleeping. Wake up.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She rolled over towards him. ‘No, Uncle Paul, -I’m not. I was only thinking.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Thinking of what?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, clouds and things; chiefly clouds, I think.’ -She pointed to the white battlements of summer -that were passing very slowly over the heavens. -‘It’s so funny that you can see them move, yet -can’t see the thing that pushes them along.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_126'>126</span>‘Wind, you mean?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘H’mmmmm.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They lay flat on their backs and watched. Nixie -made a screen of her hair and peered through it. -Paul did the same with his fingers.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You can touch it, and smell it, and hear it,’ she -went on, half to herself, ‘but you can’t <em>see</em> it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I suspect there are creatures that can see the -wind, though,’ he remarked sleepily.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I ’spect so too,’ she said softly. ‘I think I could, -if I really tried hard enough. If I was very, oh -very kind and gentle and polite to it, I think——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Come and tell me quietly,’ Paul said with -excitement. ‘I believe you’re right.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He scented a delightful aventure. The child -turned over on the grass twice, roller fashion, and -landed against him, lying on her face with her chin -in her hands and her heels clicking softly in the air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She began to explain what she meant. ‘You -must listen properly because it’s rather difficult to -explain, you know’; he heard her breathing into his -ear, and then her voice grew softer and fainter as -she went on. Lower and lower it grew, murmuring -like a distant mill-wheel, softer and softer; wonderful -sentences and words all running gently into each -other without pause, somewhere below ground. It -began to sound far away, and it melted into the -humming of the bees in the lime trees.... Once -or twice it stopped altogether, Paul thought, so that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_127'>127</span>he missed whole sentences.... Gaps came, gaps -filled with no definite words, but only the inarticulate -murmur of summer and summer life....</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, without warning, he became conscious of a -curious sinking sensation, as though the solid lawn -beneath him had begun to undulate. The turf grew -soft like air, and swam up over him in green waves till -his head was covered. His ears became muffled; -Nixie’s voice no longer reached him as something -outside himself; it was within—curiously running, so -to speak, with his blood. He sank deeper and deeper -into a delicious, soothing medium that both covered -and penetrated him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child had him by the hand, that was all he -knew, then—a long sliding motion, and forgetfulness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m off,’ he remembered thinking, ‘off at last -into a real aventure!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Down they sank, down, down; through soft -darkness, and long, shadowy places, passing through -endless scented caverns, and along dim avenues that -stretched, for ever and ever it seemed, beneath the -gloom of mighty trees. The air was cool and -perfumed with earth. They were in some underworld, -strangely muted, soundless, mysterious. It -grew very dark.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Where are we, Nixie?’ He did not feel alarm; -but a sense of wonder, touched delightfully by awe, -had begun to send thrills along his nerves.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_128'>128</span>Her reply in his ear was like a voice in a tiny -trumpet, far away, very soft. ‘Come along! -Follow me!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m coming. But it’s so dark.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hush,’ she whispered. ‘We’re in a dream together. -I’m not sure where exactly. Keep close -to me.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m coming,’ he repeated, blundering over the -roots beside her; ‘but where are we? I can’t see -a bit.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Tread softly. We’re in a lost forest—just -before the dawn,’ he heard her voice answer faintly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A forest underground——? You mean a coal -measure?’ he asked in amazement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She made no answer. ‘I think we’re going to -see the wind,’ she added presently.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her words thrilled him inexplicably. It was -as if—in that other world of gross values—some one -had said, ‘You’re going to make a million!’ It -was all hushed and soft and subdued. Everything -had a coating of plush.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We’ve gone backwards somewhere—a great -many years. But it’s all right. There’s no time -in dreams.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s dreadfully dark,’ he whispered, tripping -again.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The persuasion of her little hand led him along -over roots and through places of deep moss. Great -spaces, he felt, were about him. Shadows coated -<span class='pageno' id='Page_129'>129</span>everything with silence. It was like the vast -primeval forests of his country across the seas. The -map of the world had somehow shifted, and here, -in little England, he found the freedom of those -splendid scenes of desolation that he craved. -Millions of huge trees reared up about them through -the gloom, and he felt their presence, though invisible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The sun isn’t up yet,’ she added after a bit. -He held her hand tightly, as they stumbled slowly -forward together side by side. He began to feel -extraordinarily alive. Exhilaration seized him. He -could have shouted with excitement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hush!’ whispered his guide, ‘<em>do</em> be careful. -You’ll upset us both.’ The trembling of his hand -betrayed him. ‘You stumble like an om’ibus!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m all right. Go ahead!’ he replied under his -breath. ‘I can see better now!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now look,’ she said, stopping in front of him -and turning round.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The darkness lifted somewhat as he bent down -to follow the direction of her gaze. On every side, -dim and thronging, he saw the stems of immense -trees rising upwards into obscurity. There were -hundreds upon hundreds of them. His eyes -followed their outline till the endless number bewildered -him. Overhead, the stars were shining -faintly through the tangled network of their -branches. Odours of earth and moss and leaves, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_130'>130</span>cool and delicate, rose about them; vast depths of -silence stretched away in every direction. Great -ferns stood motionless, with all the magic of frosted -window-panes, among their roots. All was still and -dark and silent. It was the heart of a great forest -before the dawn—prehistoric, unknown to man.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, I wonder—I wonder——’ began Paul, -groping about him clumsily with his hands to feel -the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, please don’t talk so loud,’ Nixie whispered, -pinching his arm; ‘we shall wake up if you do. -Only people in dreams come to places like this.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You know the place?’ he exclaimed with increasing -excitement. ‘So do I almost. I’m sure -this has all happened before, only I can’t remember——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We must keep as still as mice.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We are—still as mice.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is where the winds sleep when they’re not -blowing. It’s their resting-place.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He looked about him, drawing a deep breath.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look out; you’ll wake them if you breathe like -<em>that</em>,’ whispered the child.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are they asleep now?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course. Can’t you see?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not much—yet!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Move like a cat, and speak in whispers. We -may see them when they wake.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How soon?’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_131'>131</span>‘Dawn. The wind always wakes with the sun. -It’s getting closer now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was very wonderful. No words can describe -adequately the still splendour of that vast forest -as they stood there, waiting for the sunrise. Nothing -stirred. The trees were carved out of some -marvellous dream-stuff, motionless, yet conveying -the impression of life. Paul knew it and recognised -it. All primeval woods possess that quality—trees -that know nothing of men and have never heard -the ringing of the axe. The silence was of death, -yet a sense of life that is far beyond death pulsed -through it. Cisterns of quiet, gigantic, primitive -life lay somewhere hidden in these shadowed glades. -It seemed the counterpart of a man’s soul before -rude passion and power have stirred it into activity. -Here all slept potentially, as in a human soul. The -huge, sombre pines rose from their beds of golden -moss to shake their crests faintly to the stars, -awaiting the coming of the true passion—the great -Sun of life, that should call them to splendour, -to reality, and to the struggle of a bigger life -than they yet knew, when they might even try -to shake free from their roots in the hard, confining -earth, and fly to the source of their existence—the -sun.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the sun was coming now. The dawn was -at hand. The trees moved gently together, it -seemed. The wood grew lighter. An almost imperceptible -<span class='pageno' id='Page_132'>132</span>shudder ran through it as through a -vast spider’s web.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look!’ cried Nixie. His simple, intuitive -little guide was nearer, after all, to reality than he -was, for all his subtle vision. ‘Look, Uncle Paul!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>His attempt to analyse wonder had prevented -his seeing it sooner, but as she spoke he became -aware that something very unusual was going forward -about them. His skin began to tickle, and -a strange sense of excitement took possession of -him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A pale, semi-transparent substance he saw hung -everywhere in the air about them, clinging in spirals -and circles to the trunks, and hanging down from -the branches in long slender ribbons that reached -almost to the ground. The colour was a delicate -pearl-grey. It covered everything as with the -softest of filtered light, and hung motionless in -the air in painted streamers of thinnest possible -vapour.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The silken threads of these gossamer ribbons -dropped from the sky in millions upon millions. -They wrapped themselves round the very star-beams, -and lay in sheets upon the ground; they -curled themselves round the stones and crept in -among the tiniest crevices of moss and bark; they -clothed the ferns with their fairy gauze. Paul could -even feel them coiling about his hair and beard and -eyelashes. They pervaded the entire scene as light -<span class='pageno' id='Page_133'>133</span>does. The colour was uniform; whether in sheets -or ribbons, it did not vary in shade or in degree of -transparency. The entire atmosphere was pervaded -by it, frozen into absolute stillness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s the winds—all that stuff,’ Nixie -whispered, her voice trembling with excitement. -‘They’re asleep still. Aren’t they awful and -wonderful?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>As she spoke a faint vibration ran everywhere -through the ribbons. Involuntarily he tightened his -grasp on the child’s hand.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s their beginning to wake,’ she said, -drawing closer to him, ‘like people moving in sleep.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The vibration ran through the air again. It -quivered as reflections in the surface of a pool -quiver to a ghost of passing wind. They seated -themselves on a fallen trunk and waited. The trees -waited too; as gigantic notes in a set piece, Paul -thought, that the coming sun would presently play -upon like a hand upon a vast instrument. Then -something moved a few feet away, and he jumped -in spite of himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Only Jonah,’ explained his guide. ‘He’s asleep -like us. Don’t wake him; he’s having a dream -too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was indeed Jonah, wandering vaguely this way -and that, disappearing and reappearing, wholly unaware, -it seemed, of their presence. He looked like -a gnome. His feet made no sound as he moved -<span class='pageno' id='Page_134'>134</span>about, and after a few minutes he lost himself behind -a big trunk and they saw him no more. But -almost at once behind him the round figures of -China and Japan emerged into view. They came, -moving fast and busily, blundering against the trees, -tumbling down, and butting into everything that -came in their path as though they could not see -properly. Paul watched them with astonishment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re only half asleep, and that’s why they see -so badly,’ Nixie told him. ‘Aren’t they silly and -happy?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Before he could answer, something else moved -into their limited field of vision, and he was aware -that a silent grey shadow was stalking solemnly by. -All dignity and self-confidence it was; stately, -proud, sure of itself, in a region where it was at -home, conscious of its power to see and move better -than any one else. Two wide-open and brilliant eyes, -shining like dropped stars, were turned for a moment -towards them where they sat on the log and watched. -Then, silent and beautiful, it passed on into the darkness -beyond, and vanished from their sight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Mrs. Tompkyns!’ whispered Nixie. ‘<em>She</em> saw -us all right!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Splendid!’ he exclaimed under his breath, full -of admiration.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie pinched his arm. A change had come -about in the last few minutes, and into this dense -forest the light of approaching dawn began to steal -<span class='pageno' id='Page_135'>135</span>most wonderfully. A universal murmuring filled -the air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The sun’s coming. They’re going to wake -now!’ The child gave a little shiver of delight. -Paul sat up. A general, indefinable motion, he saw, -was beginning everywhere to run to and fro among -the hanging streamers. More light penetrated every -minute, and the tree stems began to turn from black -to purple, and then from purple to faint grey. -Vistas of shadowy glades began to open up on all -sides; every instant the trees stood out more distinctly. -The myriad threads and ribbons were -astir.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look!’ cried the child aloud; ‘they’re uncurling -as they wake.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He looked. The sense of wonder and beauty -moved profoundly in his heart. Where, oh where, -in all the dreams of his solitary years had he seen -anything to equal this unearthly vision of the awakening -winds?</p> - -<p class='c011'>The winds moved in their sleep, and awoke.</p> - -<p class='c011'>In loops, folds, and spirals of indescribable grace -they slowly began to unwrap themselves from the -tree stems with a million little delicate undulations; -like thin mist trembling, and then smoothing out the -ruffled surface of their thousand serpentine eddies, -they slid swiftly upwards from the moss and ferns, -disentangled themselves without effort from roots -and stones and bark, and then, reinforced by countless -<span class='pageno' id='Page_136'>136</span>thousands from the lower branches, they rose up -slowly in vast coloured sheets towards the region of -the tree-tops.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, as they rose, the silence of the forest passed -into sound—trembling and murmuring at first, and -then rapidly increasing in volume as the distant -glades sent their voices to swell it, and the note of -every hollow and dell joined in with its contributory -note. From all the shadowy recesses of the wood -they heard it come, louder and louder, leaping to -the centre like running great arpeggios, and finally -merging all lesser notes in the wave of a single -dominant chord—the song of the awakened winds -to the dawn.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re singing to the sun,’ Nixie whispered. -Her voice caught in her throat a little and she -tightened her grasp on his big hand.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re changing colour too,’ he answered -breathlessly. They stood up on their log to see.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s the rate they go does that,’ she tried to -explain. She stood on tiptoe.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He understood what she meant, for he now saw -that as the wind rose in ribbons, streams and spirals, -the original pearl-grey changed chromatically into -every shade of colour under the sun.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Same as metals getting hot,’ she said. ‘Their -colour comes ’cording to their speed.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Many of the tints he found it impossible to -name, for they were such as he had never dreamed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_137'>137</span>of. Crimsons, purples, soft yellows, exquisite greens -and pinks ran to and fro in a perfect deluge of -colour, as though a hundred sunsets had been let -loose and were hunting wildly for the West to set -in. And there were shades of opal and mother-of-pearl -so delicate that he could only perceive them -in his bewildered mind by translating them into the -world of sound, and imagining it was the colour of -their own singing.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Far too rapidly for description they changed their -protean dress, moving faster and faster, glowing -fiercely one minute and fading away the next, passing -swiftly into new and dazzling brilliancies as the -distant winds came to join them, and at length -rushing upwards in one huge central draught through -the trees, shouting their song with a roar like the sea.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Suddenly they swept up into the sky—sound, -colour and all—and silence once more descended -upon the forest. The winds were off and about their -business of the day. The woods were empty. And -the sun was at the very edge of the world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Watch the tops of the trees now,’ cried Nixie, -still trembling from the strange wonder of the scene. -‘The Little Winds will wake the moment the sun -touches them—the little winds in the tops of the -trees.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>As she spoke, the sun came up and his first -rays touched the pointed crests above them with -gold; and Paul noticed that there were thousands -<span class='pageno' id='Page_138'>138</span>of tiny, slender ribbons streaming out like elastic -threads from the tips of all the pines, and that these -had only just begun to move. As at a word of -command they trooped out to meet the sunshine, -undulating like wee coloured serpents, and uttering -their weird and gentle music at the same time. And -Paul, as he listened, understood at last why the wind -in the tree-tops is always more delicately sweet than -any other kind, and why it touches so poignantly the -heart of him who hears, and calls wonder from her -deepest lair.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The young winds, you see,’ Nixie said, peering -up beneath her joined hands and finding it difficult -to keep her balance as she did so. ‘They sleep -longer than the others. And they’re not loose -either; they’re fastened on, and can only go out -and come back.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, as he watched, he saw these young winds fly -out miles into the brightening sky, making lines of -flashing colour, and then tear back with a whirring -rush of music to curl up again round the twigs and -pine needles.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Though sometimes they <em>do</em> manage to get loose, -and make funny storms and hurricanes and things -that no one expects at all in the sky.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul was on the point of replying to this explanation -when something struck against his legs, and he -only just saved himself from falling by seizing Nixie -and risking a flying leap with her from the log.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_139'>139</span>‘It’s that wicked Japan again,’ she laughed, -clambering back on to the tree.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The puppy was vigorously chasing its own tail, -bumping as it did so into everything within reach. -Paul stooped to catch it. At the same instant it -rose up past his very nose, and floated off through -the trees and was lost to view in the sky.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie laughed merrily. ‘It woke in the middle -of its silly little dream,’ she said. ‘It was only half asleep -really, and playing. It won’t come back now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All puppies are absurd like that——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But he did not finish his profound observation -about puppies, for his voice at that moment was -drowned in a new and terrible noise that seemed to -come from the heart of the wood. It happened just -as in a children’s fairy tale. It bore no resemblance -to the roar the winds made; there was no music in -it; it was crude in quality—angry; a sound from -another place.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It came swiftly nearer and nearer, increasing in -volume as it came. A veil seemed to spread -suddenly over the scene; the trees grew shadowy -and dim; the glades melted off into mistiness; and -ever the mass of sound came pouring up towards -them. Paul realised that the frontiers of consciousness -were shifting again in a most extraordinary -fashion, so that the whole forest slipped off into -the background and became a dim map in his -memory, faint and unreal—and, with it, went both -<span class='pageno' id='Page_140'>140</span>Nixie and himself. The ground rose and fell under -their feet. Her hand melted into something fluid -and slippery as he tried to keep his hold upon it. -The child whispered words he could not catch. -Then, like the puppy, they both began to rise.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The roar came out to meet them and enveloped -them furiously in mid air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘At any rate, we’ve seen the wind!’ he heard -the child’s voice murmuring in his beard. She rose -away from him, being lighter, and vanished through -the tops of the trees.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And then the roar drowned him and swept him -away in a whirling tempest, so that he lost all -consciousness of self and forgot everything he had -ever known....</p> - -<p class='c010'>The noise resolved itself gradually into the -crunching sounds of the carriage wheels and the -clatter of horses’ hoofs coming up the gravel drive.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul looked about him with a sigh that was half -a yawn. China and Japan were still romping on the -lawn, Mrs. Tompkyns and Smoke were curled up -in hot, soft circles precisely where they had been -before, Toby and Jonah were still busily engaged -doing ‘something with daisies’ in the full blaze of -the sunshine, and Nixie lay beside him, all innocence -and peace, still gazing through the tangle of her -yellow hair at the slow-sailing clouds overhead.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the clouds, he noticed, had hardly altered -<span class='pageno' id='Page_141'>141</span>a line of their shape and position since he saw them -last.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He turned with a jump of excitement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie,’ he exclaimed, ‘I’ve seen the wind!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She rolled over lazily on her side and fixed her -great blue eyes on his own, between two strands of -her hair. From the expression of her brown face it -was possible to surmise that she knew nothing—and -everything.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Have you?’ she said very quietly. ‘I thought -you might.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, but did I dream it, or imagine it, or just -think it and make it up?’ He still felt a little -bewildered; the memory of that strangely beautiful -picture-gallery still haunted him. Yonder, before -the porch, the steaming horses and the smart coachman -on the box, and his sister coming across the -lawn from the carriage all belonged to another world, -while he himself and Nixie and the other children -still stayed with him, floating in a golden atmosphere -where Wind was singing and alive.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That doesn’t matter a bit,’ she replied, peering -at him gravely before she pulled her hair over both -eyes. ‘The point is that it’s really true! Now,’ -she added, her face completely hidden by the yellow -web, ‘all you have to do is to write it for our next -Meeting—write the record of your Aventure——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And read it out?’ he said, beginning to understand.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_142'>142</span>The yellow head nodded. He felt utterly and -delightfully bewitched.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All right,’ he said; ‘I will.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And make it a very-wonderfulindeed Aventure,’ -she added, springing to her feet. ‘Hush! Here’s -mother!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul rose dizzily to greet his sister, while the -children ran off with their animals to other things.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You’ve had a pleasant afternoon, Paul, dear?’ -she asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, very nice indeed——’ His thoughts were -still entangled with the wind and with the story he -meant to write about it for the next Meeting.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She opened her parasol and held it over her head.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now, come indoors,’ he went on, collecting -himself with an effort, ‘or into the shade. This -heat is not good for you, Margaret.’ He looked -at her pale, delicate face. ‘You’re tired too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I enjoyed the drive,’ she replied, letting him -take her arm and lead her towards the house. ‘I -met the Burdons in their motor. They’re coming -over to luncheon one day, they said. You’ll like -<em>him</em>, I think.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s very nice,’ he remarked again, ‘very -nice. Margaret,’ he exclaimed suddenly, ashamed of -his utter want of interest in all she was planning for -him, ‘I think you ought to have a motor too. I’m -going to give you one.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That is sweet of you, Paul,’ she smiled at him. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_143'>143</span>‘But really, you know, one likes horses best. -They’re much quieter. Motors do shake one so.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I don’t think that matters; the point is that it’s -really true,’ he muttered to himself, thinking of -Nixie’s judgment of his Aventure.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His sister looked at him with her expression of -faint amusement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You mustn’t mind me,’ he laughed, planting -her in a deck-chair by the shade of the house; ‘but -the truth is, my mind is full just now of some work -I’ve got to do—a report, in fact, I’ve got to write.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He went off into the house, humming a song. -She followed him with her eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘He is so strange. I do wish he would see more -people and be a little more normal.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And in Paul’s mind, as he raced along the passage -to his private study in search of pen and paper, there -ran a thought of very different kind in the shape of -a sentence from the favourite of all his books:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Everything possible to be believed is an image -of truth.’</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_144'>144</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XI</h2> -</div> -<p class='c012'>It is said that a poet has died young in the breast of the most -stolid. It may be contended, rather, that this (somewhat minor bard) -in almost every case survives, and is the spice of life to his possessor.—R. L. S.</p> - -<p class='c010'>Now that his first Aventure was an accomplished -fact, and that he was writing it out for the Meeting, -Paul carried about with him a kind of secret joy. -At last he had found an audience, and an audience -is unquestionably a very profound need of every -human heart. Nixie was helping him to expression.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ll write them such an Aventure out of that -Wind-Vision,’ he exclaimed, ‘that they’ll fairly -shiver with delight. And if <em>they</em> shiver, why -shouldn’t all the children in the world shiver too?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He no longer made the mistake of thinking it -trivial; if he could find an audience of children all -about the world, children known or unknown, to -whom he could show his little gallery of pictures, -what could be more reasonable or delightful? What -could be more useful and worth doing than to show -the adventuring mind some meaning in all the -beauty that filled his heart? And the Wind-Vision -<span class='pageno' id='Page_145'>145</span>might be a small—a very small, beginning. It might -be the first of a series of modern fairy tales. The -idea thrilled him with pleasure. ‘A safety-valve at -last!’ he cried. ‘An audience that won’t laugh!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, in reality, there was also a queer motherly -quality in him which he had always tried more or -less successfully to hide, and of which, perhaps, he -was secretly half ashamed—a feeling that made him -long to give of his strength and sympathy to all -that was helpless, weary, immature.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He went about the house like a new man, for -in proportion as he allowed his imagination to use -its wings, life became extraordinarily alive. He -sang, and the world sang with him. Everything -turned up little smiling faces to him, whispering -fairy contributions to his tale.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The more I give out, the more I get in,’ he -laughed. ‘I declare it’s quite wonderful,’ as though -he had really discovered a new truth all for himself. -New forces began to course through his veins like -fire. As in a great cistern tapped for the first time, -this new outlet produced other little cross-currents -everywhere throughout his being. Paul began to -find a new confidence. Another stone had shifted -in the fabric of his soul. He moved one stage -nearer to the final pattern that it had been intended -from the beginning of time he should assume.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A world within a world began to grow up in -the old grey house under the hill, one consisting of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_146'>146</span>Nixie and her troupe, with Paul trailing heavily in -the rear, very eager; and the other, of the grown-up -members of the household, with Mlle. Fleury -belonging to neither, yet in a sense belonging to -both. The cats and animals again were in the -former—an inner division of it, so that it was like -a series of Chinese boxes, each fitting within the -next in size.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And this admission of Paul into the innermost -circle produced a change in the household, as well -as in himself. After all, the children had not betrayed -him; they had only divined his secret and -put him right with himself. But this was everything; -and who is there with a vestige of youth -in his spirit that will not understand the cause of -his mysterious exhilaration?</p> - -<p class='c011'>Outwardly, of course, no definite change was -visible in the doings of the little household. The -children said little; they made no direct reference -to his conversion; but the change, though not -easily described, was felt by all. Paul recognised -it in every fibre of his being. Every one, he -noticed, understood by some strange freemasonry -that he had been initiated, for every one, he fancied, -treated him a little differently. It was natural that -the children should give signs of increased admiration -and affection for their huge new member, but -there was no obvious reason why his sister, and the -servants, and the very animals into the bargain, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_147'>147</span>should regard him with a strain of something that -hesitated between tolerance and tenderness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>If truth were told, they probably did nothing -of the sort; it was his own point of view that had -changed. His imagination was responsible for the -rest; yet he felt as though he had been caught into -the heart of a great conspiracy, and the silent, -unobtrusive way every one played his, her, or its -part contrived to make him think it was all very -real indeed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The cats, furry and tender magicians that they -are, perhaps interpreted the change more skilfully -and easily than any one else. Without the least -fuss or ceremony they made him instantly free of -their world, and the way their protection and encouragement -were extended to him in a hundred -gentle ways gave him an extraordinarily vivid impression -that they, too, had their plans and -conferences just as much as the children had. -They made everything seem alive and intelligent, -from the bushes where they hunted to the furniture -where they slept. They brought the whole world, -animate and inanimate, into his scheme of existence. -Everything had life, though not the same degree -of life. It was all very subtle and wonderful. -He, and the children, and the cats, all had imagination -according to their kind and degree, and all -equally used it to make the world haunted and -splendid.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_148'>148</span>Formerly, for instance, he had often surprised -Mrs. Tompkyns going about in the passages on -secret business of her own, perhaps not altogether -good, yet looking up with an <em>assumption</em> of -innocence that made it quite impossible to chide -or interfere. (It was, of course, only an assumption -of innocence. A cat’s eyes are too intent and -purposeful for genuine innocence; they are a mask, -a concealment of a thousand plans.) But now, -when he met her, she at once stopped and sent her -tail aloft by way of signal, and came to rub against -his legs. Her eyes smiled—that pregnant, significant -smile of the feline, shown by mere blinking of the -lids—and she walked slowly by his side with arched -back, as an invitation that he might—nay, that he -should—accompany her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>On her great, dark journeys he might not of -course yet go, but on the smaller, less important -expeditions he was welcome, and she showed it -plainly every time they met. He was led politely -to numerous cupboards, corners, attics, and cellars, -whose existence he had not hitherto suspected. -There were wonderful and terrible places among -the book-shelves and under massive pieces of -furniture which she showed to him when no one -was about; and she further taught him how to sit -and stare for long periods until out of vacancy there -issued a series of fascinating figures and scenes of -strange loveliness. And he, laughing, obeyed.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_149'>149</span>All this, and much else besides, they taught him -cleverly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Some of them, too, came to visit him in his own -quarters. They came into his study, and into his -bedroom, and one of them—that black, thick-haired -fellow called Smoke—the one with the ghostly eyes -and very furry trousers—even took to tapping at -his door late at night (by standing on tiptoe he -could just reach the knob), and thus established -the right to sleep on the sofa or even to curl up -on the foot of the bed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And all that the kittens, the puppies, and the -out-of-door animals did to teach him as an equal -is better left untold, since this is a story and not -a work on natural history.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Mlle. Fleury, the little French governess, alone -seemed curiously out of the picture. She made -difficulties here and there, though not insuperable -ones. The fact was, he saw, that she was not -properly in either of the two worlds. She wanted -to be in both at once, but, from the very nature of -her position, succeeded in getting into neither; and -to fall between two worlds is far more perplexing -than to fall between two stools. Paul made allowances -for her just as he might have made allowances -for an over-trained animal that had learned too -many human-taught tricks to make its presence -quite acceptable to its own four-footed circle. The -charming little person—he, at least, always thought -<span class='pageno' id='Page_150'>150</span>her voice and her manners and her grace charming -after a life where these were unknown—had to -justify herself to the grown-up world where his -sister belonged, as well as to the world of the -children whom she taught. And, consequently, she -was often compelled to scold when, perhaps, her soul -cried out that she should bless.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His heart always hammered, if ever so slightly, -when he made his way, as he now did more and -more frequently, to the schoolroom or the nursery. -Schoolroom-tea became a pleasure of almost irresistible -attractions, and when it was over and the -governess was legitimately out of the way, Nixie -sometimes had a trick of announcing a Regular -Meeting to which Paul was called upon to read out -his latest ‘Aventure.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hulloa! Having tea, are you?’ he exclaimed, -looking in at the door one afternoon shortly after -the wind episode. This feigned surprise, which -deceived nobody, he felt was admirable. It was -exactly the way Mrs. Tompkyns did it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Come in, Uncle Paul. <em>Do</em> stay. You <em>must</em> -stay,’ came the chorus, while Mlle. Fleury half -smiled, half frowned at him across the table. -‘Here’s just the stodgy kind of cake you like, -with jam <em>and</em> honey!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well,’ he said hesitatingly, as though he scorned -such things, while Mademoiselle poured out a cup, -and the children piled up a plate for him.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_151'>151</span>He stayed, as it were, by chance, and a minute -later was as earnestly engaged with the cake and -tea as if he had come with that special purpose.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s all very well done,’ was his secret thought. -‘It’s exactly the way Mrs. Tompkyns manages all -her most important affairs.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Nous avons réunion après</span>,’ Jonah informed the -governess presently with a very grave face. The -young woman glanced interrogatively at Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Oui, oui</span>,’ he said in his Canadian French, ‘<span lang="fr">c’est -vrai. Réunion régulaire</span>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Mais qu’elle idée, donc!</span>’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Il est le président</span>,’ said Toby indignantly, -pointing with a jam sandwich.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Voilá vous êtes!</span>’ he exclaimed. ‘There you -are! <span lang="fr">Je suis le président!</span>’ and he helped himself -to more cake as though by accident.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For five seconds Mlle. Fleury kept her face. -Then, in spite of herself, her lips parted and a row -of white teeth appeared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Meester Reevairs, you spoil them,’ she said, ‘and -I approve it not. <span lang="fr">Mais, voyons donc! Quelles -maniéres!</span>’ she added as Sambo and Pouf passed -from Toby’s lap on to the table and began to sniff -at the water cress.... ‘<span lang="fr">Non, ça c’est <em>trop</em> fort!</span>’ -She leaned across to smack them back into propriety.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">Abominable</span>,’ Paul cried, ‘<span lang="fr">abominable tout à fait</span>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Alwaze when you come such things ’appen.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Pas mon faute,’ he said, helping to catch Pouf.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_152'>152</span>‘They are deeficult enough without that you make -them more,’ she said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Uncle Paul doesn’t know his genders,’ cried -Jonah; ‘hooray!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Ma faute,’ he corrected himself, pronouncing it -‘fote.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then Toby, struggling with Smoke, whose nose -she was trying to force into a saucer of milk which -he did not want, upset the saucer all over her dress -and the table, splashing one and all. Jonah sprang -up and knocked his chair over backwards in the -excitement. Mrs. Tompkyns, wakening from her -sleep upon the piano stool, leaped on to the notes -of the open keyboard with a horrible crash. A -pandemonium reigned, all talking, laughing, shouting -at once, and the governess scolding. Then -Paul trod on a kitten’s tail under the table and -extraordinary shrieks were heard, whereupon Jonah, -stooping to discover their cause, bumped his head -and began to cry. Moving forward to comfort -him, Paul’s sleeve caught in the spout of the tea-pot -and it fell with a clatter among the cups and plates, -sending the sugar-tongs spinning into the air, and -knocking the milk-jug sideways so that a white sea -flooded the whole tray and splashed up with white -spots on to Paul’s cheeks.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The cumulative effect of these disasters reached -a culminating point, and a sudden hush fell upon the -room. The children looked a trifle scared. Paul, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_153'>153</span>with milk drops trickling down his nose, blushed and -looked solemn. Very guilty and awkward he felt. -Mlle. Fleury in fluent, rattling French explained her -view of the situation, at first, however, without effect. -At such moments mere sound and fury are vain; -subtle, latent influences of the personality alone can -calm a panic, and these the little person did not, of -course, possess.</p> - -<p class='c011'>To Paul the whole picture appeared in very vivid -detail. With the simplicity of the child and the -larger vision of the man he perceived how closely -tears and laughter moved before them; and it really -pained him to see her confused and rather helpless -amid all the debris. She was pretty, slim, and graceful; -futile anger did not sit well upon her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There she stood, little more than a girl herself, -staring at him for a moment speechless, the dainty -ruffles of her neat grey dress sticking up about her -pretty throat, he thought, like the bristles of an -enraged kitten. The hair, too, by her ears and -neck suddenly seemed to project untidily and increased -the effect. The sunlight from the window -behind her spread through it, making it cloud-like.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<span lang="fr">C’est tout mon—ma faute</span>,’ he said, stretching out -both hands impulsively, ‘<span lang="fr">tout!</span>’ in his villainous -Quebec French. ‘Scold <em>me</em> first, please.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was milk on his left eyebrow, and a crumb -of cake in his beard as well. The governess stared -at him, her eyes still blazing ominously. Her lips -<span class='pageno' id='Page_154'>154</span>quivered. Then, fortunately, she laughed; no one -really could have done otherwise. And that laugh -saved the situation. The children, who had been -standing motionless as statues awaiting their doom, -sprang again into life. In a trice the milk had been -mopped up, the tongs replaced, and the tea-pot put -to bed under its ornamented cosy.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I forgeeve—this time,’ she said. ‘But you are -vairy troublesome.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>In future, none the less, she forgave always; -her hostility, never quite sure of itself, vanished -from that moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Blue Summer’ouse,’ whispered Jonah in his ear, -‘and bring your Wind-Vision to read to us at the -Meeting.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But not too much Wind-Vision, please, Meester -Reevairs,’ she said, overhearing the whisper. ‘They -think of nothing else.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul stared at her. The thought in his mind was -that she ought to come too, only he knew the -children would not approve.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I must moderate their enthusiasm,’ he said -gravely at last.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Mlle. Fleury laughed in his face. ‘<em>You</em> are -worst of ze lot, I know—worst of all. Your -Aventures and plays trouble all their lesson-time.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It is my education,’ he said, as Jonah tugged at -his coat from behind to get him out of the room. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_155'>155</span>‘You educate <em>them</em>; they educate <em>me</em>; I improve -slowly. <span lang="fr">Voilá!</span>’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But vairy slowly, <span lang="fr">n’est-ce pas</span>? And you make -up all such <i><span lang="fr">expériences</span></i> like ze Wind-Vision to fill -their minds.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie had told him that all their aventures filtered -through to her, and that she kept a special <em>cahier</em> in -her own room, where she wrote them all out in her -own language. ‘Another soul, perhaps, looking -about for a safety-valve,’ he thought swiftly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But, Mademoiselle, why not translate them into -French? That’s a good idea, and excellent practice -for them.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Per’aps,’ she laughed, ‘per’aps we do that. -<span lang="fr">C’est une idée au moins.</span>’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She wanted so much, it was clear, to come into -their happy little world of imagination and adventure. -He realised suddenly how lonely her life might be in -such a household.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You write them, and I will correct them for -you,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Come on, <em>do</em> come on, Uncle,’ cried the voices -urgently from the door. The children were already -in the passage. The little governess looked rather -wistfully after them, and on a sudden impulse Paul -did a thing he had never before done in his life. -He took her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers, -but so boyishly, and with such simple politeness and -sincerity that there was hardly more in the act than -<span class='pageno' id='Page_156'>156</span>if Jonah had done the same to Nixie in an aventure -of another sort.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Au revoir then,’ he said laughingly; ‘chacun -a son devoir, don’t they? And now I go to do -mine.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>His sentence was somewhat mixed. He just had -time to notice the pretty blush of confusion that -spread over her face, and to hear her laugh ‘You -are weecked children—vairy weecked—and you, -Meester Reevairs, the biggest of all,’ when Nixie -and Jonah had him by the hand and they were off -out of the house to their Meeting in the Blue -Summer-house.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Thus Mlle. Fleury ceased to be a difficulty in -the household so far as his proceedings with the -children were concerned. On the contrary, she -became a helpful force, and often acted as a sort of -sentry, or outpost, between one world and the other. -Herself, she never came into their own private -region, but hovered only along the borders of it. -For though little over twenty years of age, she was -French, and she understood exactly how much -interest she might allow herself to take in the -Society without endangering her own position,—or -theirs—or his. She knew that she could not enter -their world freely and still maintain authority in the -other; but, meanwhile, she managed Paul precisely -as though he were one of her own charges, and saw -to it that he did nothing which could really be -<span class='pageno' id='Page_157'>157</span>injurious to the responsibilities for which she was -answerable.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Thus Paul, thundering along with his belated -youth, enjoyed himself more and more, while he -enjoyed, also learned, marked, and read.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_158'>158</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XII</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>It haunted him a good deal, this Vision of the -Winds. Now he never heard the stirring of the -woods without thinking of those delicately brilliant -streamers flying across the sky.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The satisfaction of spinning a fairy tale out of it -for the children’s Society was only equalled by the -pleasure of the original inspiration. Here, too, was -a means of expressing himself he had never dreamed -of; the relief was great. Moreover, it brought him -into close touch with the inexhaustible reservoirs -which children draw upon for their endless world of -Make-Believe, and he understood that the child and -the poet live in the same region. His feet were now -set upon that secret path trodden by the feet of -children since the world began; and, for all his -burden of years, there was no telling where it might -lead him. For the springs of perennial youth have -their sources in that region—the youth of the spirit, -with the constant flow of enthusiasm, the touch of -simple, ever-living beauty, and the whole magic of -vision. No one with imagination can ever become -<span class='pageno' id='Page_159'>159</span><i><span lang="fr">blasé</span></i>, perhaps need ever grow old in the true -sense.</p> - -<p class='c011'>By this means he might at last turn his accumulated -stores to some useful account. The great geysers of -imagination that dry up too soon with the majority -might keep bubbling for ever; and provided the pipes -kept open for smaller visions, they might with time -become channels for inspiration of a still higher order. -His audience might grow too.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m getting on,’ he observed to Nixie a few days -later; ‘getting on pretty well for an old man!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I knew you would,’ she replied approvingly. -‘Only you wasted a lot of time over it. When you -came you were so old that Toby thought you were -going to die, you know.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So bad as all that, was it?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘H’mmmmm,’ she nodded, her blue eyes faintly -troubled; ‘quite!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul took her on his knee and stared at her. The -world of elemental wonder came quite close. There -was something of magic about the atmosphere of this -child’s presence that made it possible to believe -anything and everything. She embodied exquisitely -so many of his dreams—those dreams of God and -Nature he had lived with all those lonely years in -Canadian solitudes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You know, <em>I</em> think,’ he said slowly as he -watched with delight the look of tender affection -upon her face, ‘that, without knowing it, you’re -<span class='pageno' id='Page_160'>160</span>something of a little magician, Nixie. What do <em>you</em> -think?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But she only laughed and wriggled on his knee.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Am I really?’ she said presently. ‘Then what -are you, I wonder?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I used to be a Wood Cruiser,’ he replied gravely; -‘but what I am now it’s rather difficult to say. You -ought to know,’ he added, ‘as you’re the magician -who’s changing me.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ve not changed you,’ she laughed. ‘I only -found you out. The day you came I saw you were -simply full of our things—and that you’d be a sort -of Daddy to us. And we shall want a lot more -Aventures, please, as soon as ever you can write -them out——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She was off his knee and half-way to the house the -same second, for the voice of Mlle. Fleury was heard -in the land. He watched her flitting through the -patches of sunshine across the lawn, and caught the -mischievous glance she turned to throw at him as she -disappeared through the open French window—a -vision of white dress, black legs, and flying hair. -And only when she was gone did his heavier -machinery get to work with the crop of questions he -always thought of too late.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A beginning, at any rate!’ he said to himself, -thinking of all the things he was going to write for -them. ‘Only I wish we were all in camp out there -among the cedars and hemlocks on Beaver Creek, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_161'>161</span>instead of boxed up in this toy garden where there -are no wild animals, and you mayn’t cut down trees -for a big fire, and there are silly little Notice Boards -all over the place about trespassers being prosecuted....’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The thought touched something in the centre of -his being. He travelled; laughing and sighing as -he went. ‘My wig!’ he thought aloud, ‘but it’s -really extraordinary how that child brings those big -places over here for me, and makes them seem alive -with all kinds of things <em>I</em> could never have dreamed -of—alone!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Paul, dear, what <em>are</em> you thinking about, here -all by yourself—and without a hat on too, as usual? -If the gardeners hear you talking aloud like this -they will think—! Well, I hardly know quite -what they <em>will</em> think!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Something Blake said—to be honest,’ he laughed, -turning to his sister who had come silently down -the path, dressed, as on the day he had first seen -her, in white serge with a big flower-hat. Languid -she looked, but delicate and wholly charming; she -wore brown garden gauntlets over hands and wrists, -and a red parasol she held aloft, shed a becoming -pink glow upon her face.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>Maurice</em> Blake!’ she exclaimed. ‘Joan’s cousin -with the big farm on the Downs? But you don’t -know him!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not that Blake,’ he laughed again; ‘and Joan, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_162'>162</span>if you mean Joan Nicholson, Dick’s niece who took -up that rescue work, or something, in London, I -have never seen in my life.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then it’s a book you mean—one of those books -you are always poring over in the library,’ she -murmured half reproachfully.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘One of Dick’s books, yes,’ he replied gently, -linking his arm through hers and leading the way -in the direction of the cedars. ‘One of my -“treasures,”’ he added slyly, ‘that you once shamelessly -imagined to be in petticoats.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She rather liked his teasing. The interests they -shared were uncommonly small, perhaps, and the -coinage of available words still smaller. Yet their -differences never took on the slightest ‘edge.’ A -genuine affection smoothed all their little talks.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You do read such funny old books, Paul,’ she -observed, as though somewhere in her heart lurked -a vague desire to make him more modern. ‘Don’t -you ever try books of the day—novels, for instance?’ -She had one under her arm at the moment. He -took it to carry for her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I have tried,’ he admitted, a little ashamed of -his backwardness, ‘but I never can make out what -they’re driving at—half the time. What they described -has never happened to me, or come into my -world. I don’t recognise it all as true, I mean—’ -He stopped abruptly for fear he might say something -to wound her.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_163'>163</span>‘One can always learn, though, and widen one’s -world, can’t one? After all, we <em>are</em> all in the same -world, aren’t we?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He realised the impossibility of correcting her; -the invitation to be sententious could not catch him; -his nature was too profound to contain the prig.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are we?’ he said gently.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, I think so—more or less, Paul. There’s -only one <em>nice</em> world, at least.’ She arranged her -hat and parasol to keep the sun off, for she was -afraid of the sun, even the shy sun of England.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He pulled out the deck-chair for her, and -opened it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Here,’ she said pointing, ‘if you don’t mind, -dear; or perhaps over <em>there</em> where it looks drier; -or just <em>there</em> under that tree, perhaps, is better still. -It’s more sheltered, and there’s less sun, isn’t there?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think there is, yes,’ he replied, obeying her. -The phrase ‘there’s less sun’ seemed to him so -neatly descriptive of the mental state of persons -without imagination.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘She’ll come here for her summer holidays soon,’ -his sister resumed, going back to Joan. ‘She works -very hard at that “Home” place in town, and -Dick always liked her to use us here as if the place -were her own. I promised that.’ She dropped -gracefully into the wicker chair, and Paul sat down -for a moment beside her on the grass. ‘He spent -a lot of capital, you know, in the thing and made -<span class='pageno' id='Page_164'>164</span>her superintendent or something. She has a sort -of passion for this rescuing of slum children, and, -I believe, works herself to death over it, though -she has means of her own. So you will be nice -to her when she comes, won’t you, and look after -her a bit? I do what I can, but I always feel I’m -rather a failure. I never know what to talk to her -about. She’s so dreadfully in earnest about everything.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul promised. Joan sounded rather attractive, -to tell the truth. He remembered something, too, -of the big organisation his old friend had founded -in London for the rescue and education of waif-boys. -A thrill of pride ran through him, and close at its -heels a secret sense of shame, that he himself did -nothing in the great world of action—that his own -life was a mass of selfish dreaming and refined self-seeking, -that all his yearning for God and beauty -was after all, perhaps, but a spiritual egoism. It -was not the first time this thought had come to -trouble and perplex. Of late—especially since he -had begun to find these safety-valves of self-expression, -and so a measure of relief—his mind -had turned in the direction of some bigger field -to work in outside self, perhaps more than he -quite knew or realised.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Paul,’ his sister interrupted his reflections, after -a prolonged fidgeting to make herself comfortable -so that the parasol should shade her, the hat not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_165'>165</span>tickle her, and the novel open easily for reading; -‘you are happy here, aren’t you? You’re not -too dull with us, I mean?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s quite delightful, Margaret,’ he answered at -once. ‘In one sense I have never been so happy -in my life.’ He looked straight at her, the sun -catching his brown beard and face. ‘And I love -the children; they’re just the kind of companions -I need.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m so glad, so glad,’ she said genuinely. ‘And -it’s very kind and good-natured of you to be with -them such a lot. You really almost fill Dick’s -place for them.’ She sighed and half closed her -eyes. ‘Some day you may have children of your -own; only you would spoil them quite atrociously, -I’m sure.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Am I spoiling yours?’ he asked solemnly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Dreadfully,’ she laughed; ‘and turning little -Mademoiselle’s head into the bargain.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was his turn to burst out laughing. ‘I think -that young lady can take care of herself without -difficulty,’ he exclaimed; ‘and as for my spoiling -the children, I think it’s they who are spoiling me!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, presently, with some easy excuse, he left -her side and went off into the woods. Margaret -watched him charge across the lawn. A perplexed -expression came into her face as she picked up her -novel and settled down into the cushions, balancing -the red parasol over her head at a very careful angle. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_166'>166</span>Admiration was in her glance, too, as she saw him -go. Evidently she was proud of her brother—proud -that he was so different from other people, yet -puzzled to the verge of annoyance that he should -be so.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What a strange creature he is,’ was her somewhat -indefinite reflection; ‘I thought but one Dick -could exist in the world! He’s still a boy—not -a day over twenty-five. I wonder if he’s ever been -in love, or ever will be? I think—I hope he won’t; -he’s rather nice as he is after all.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She sighed faintly. Then she dipped again into -her novel, wherein the emotions, from love downwards, -were turned on thick and violent as from -so many taps in a factory; got bored with it; -looked on to the last chapter to see what happened -to everybody; and, finally—fell asleep.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_167'>167</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XIII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>To me alone there came a thought of griefs</div> - <div class='line'>A timely utterance gave that thought relief,</div> - <div class='line in8'>And I again am strong:</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'> · · · · ·</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I hear the echoes through the mountains throng,</div> - <div class='line'>The winds come to me from the fields of sleep,</div> - <div class='line in8'>And all the earth is gay....</div> - <div class='line in30'><cite>Ode</cite>, W. W.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>For the rest of the day Paul was in peculiarly good -spirits; he went about the place full of bedevilment -of all kinds, to the astonishment of the household -in general and of his sister in particular. The -oppressive heat seemed to have no effect upon him. -There was something in the air that excited him, and -he was very busy getting rid of the excitement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>With bedtime came no desire to sleep. ‘I feel -all worked-up, Margaret,’ he said as he lit her candle -in the hall. ‘I think it must be an “aventure” -coming,’—though, of course, she had no idea what -he meant.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There’s thunder about,’ she replied. ‘It’s been -so very close all day.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Sleep well,’ Paul said when he left her at the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_168'>168</span>top of the stairs; and the last thing he heard as he -went down the long winding passage to his bedroom -in the west wing was her voice faintly assuring him -‘One always does here, I’m glad to say.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Once inside, and the door shut, he gave himself -up to his mood. It was a mood apparently that -came from nowhere. A soft and mysterious excitement, -all delicious, stirred in the depths of his -being, rising slowly to the surface. Perhaps it -was growing-pains somewhere in the structure of -his personality, engineered subconsciously by his -imagination; perhaps only ‘weather.’ He always -followed the barometer like a strip of dried seaweed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But on this particular night something more than -mere ‘weather’ was abroad; his nerves sent a -succession of swift faint warnings to his brain. To -begin with, the night herself claimed definite attention. -Some nights are just ordinary nights; others -touch the soul and whisper ‘I am the night. Look at -me. Listen!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He obeyed the summons and went to the window, -leaning out as his habit was. The darkness pressed -up in a solid wall, charged to the brim with mysteries -waiting to reveal themselves. No trees were visible, -no outline of moor or hill or garden. The sky was -pinned down to the horizon more tightly than usual—keeping -back all manner of things. Very little -air crept beneath the edges, so that the atmosphere -was oppressive. The day had been cloudless, but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_169'>169</span>with the sunset whole continents of vapour had -climbed upon the hills of the evening wind, driven -slowly by high currents that had not yet come near -enough the earth to be heard and felt.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He coughed—gently. The least noise, he felt, -would shatter some soft and delicate structure that -rose everywhere through the darkness—some web-like -shadow-scaffolding that reared upwards, supporting -the night.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Something’s going to happen,’ he said low to -himself. ‘I can feel it coming.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He became very imaginative, enjoying his mood -enormously, letting it act as a mental purge. -Aventures that he would discover for the next -Meeting swept through him. The stress and fever -of creative fancy, stirred by the deep travailing of -the elements behind that curtain of night, was upon -him. Then, sleep being far away, he went to the -writing-table, where Nixie’s deft hands had everything -prepared, lit a second candle, and began to -write.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ll write “How I climbed the Scaffolding of -the Night,”’ he murmured; ‘for I feel it true -within me. I feel as if I were part of the night—part -of all this beautiful soft darkness.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But, before he had written a dozen lines, he -stopped and fell to listening again, staring past the -steady candle-flames out into the open. The stillness -was profound. A single ivy-leaf rattled sharply -<span class='pageno' id='Page_170'>170</span>all by itself on the wall outside his window. He -felt as if that leaf tapped faintly upon his own brain. -By a curious process known only to the poetic temperament, -he passed on to <em>feel with</em> everything about -him—as though some portion of himself actually -merged in with the silence, with the perfumes of -trees and garden, with the voice of that little tapping -leaf. And, in proportion as he realised this, he -transferred the magic of it to his tale. He found -the words that fitted his conception like a natural -skin. He knew in some measure the satisfaction -and relief of expression.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A year ago—a month ago,’ he thought with -delight, ‘this would have been impossible to me. -Nixie has taught me so much already!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>What he really wanted, of course, were the -living, flaming words of poetry. But this he knew -was denied him; perhaps the fire of inspiration did -not burn steadily enough; perhaps the intellectual -foundation was not there. At any rate, he could -only do his best and struggle with the prose, and -this he did with intense pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c011'>After a time he laid his pen down and fell to -thinking again—the kind of reverie that dramatises -a mood before the inner vision. And another -inspiration came upon him with its sudden little -glory; he realised vividly that <em>within</em> himself a -region existed where all that he desired might find -fulfilment; where yearnings, dreams, desires might -<span class='pageno' id='Page_171'>171</span>come true. There existed this inner place within -where he might visualise all he most wished for into -a state of reality. The workshop of the creative -imagination was its vestibule....</p> - -<p class='c011'>Whether or not he could put it into words for -others to realise was merely a question of craft....</p> - -<p class='c011'>He must have sat thinking in this way much -longer than he knew, for the candles had burnt -down quite low when at length he bestirred himself -with a mighty yawn and rose to go to bed. But -hardly had he begun to unfasten his crumpled black -tie when something made him pause.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Far away, through the hush that covered the -world, that ‘something’ was astir—coming swiftly -nearer. He stepped back into the middle of the -room and waited. Smoke, the sleeping black cat -on the sofa, sat up and waited too. Looking about -it with brilliant green eyes, wide open, and whiskers -twitching backwards and forwards, it understood -even better than he did that a change in all that -world of darkness had come to pass. The animal -stared alternately at the window and the door.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For another minute the stillness held supreme. -Then, from the silent reaches beyond, this new -sound came suddenly close, dropping down through -leagues of night. It began with a faint roar in the -chimney; a tree outside uttered a soft, rushing cry; -a thousand leaves, instead of one, rattled on the wall.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A Messenger, running headlong through the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_172'>172</span>darkness, was calling aloud a warning as it ran, for -all to understand who could. And, among the few -who were awake and understood, Paul and his four-footed -companion were certainly the first.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A sudden movement of the vast fabric of darkness -came next. That scaffolding of shadows -trembled, as though the same moment it would fall -and let in—Light. In front of the bow window the -muslin curtain that so long had hung motionless, -now bellied out slowly into the room. The movement, -mysterious and suggestive, claimed attention -significantly. Paul and Smoke, watching it, exchanged -glances. Then, with a long, sighing sound, -it floated back again to its original position. It hung -down straight and still as before.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But in that moment something had entered the -room. Borne by this messenger of the coming -storm, this stray Wind had left its warning—and -was gone!</p> - -<p class='c011'>Smoke leapt softly down and padded over to sniff -the curtain, and having done so, blinked up at Paul -with eloquent eyes, and sat back to wait and—wash! -No apparatus of speech ever said more -plainly ‘Look out! Something’s coming! Better -be prepared as I am!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And something did come—almost the same -minute. The forces that had so long been trying to -upset the tent of darkness, did upset it, and from one -uplifted corner there rushed down upon the world a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_173'>173</span>blue-white sheet of light that was utterly gorgeous. -For one instant trees, moor, hill leaped into vivid -outline. The hands that held the sheet of brilliance -shook it from the four corners, and all the sky shook -with it; and, immediately after, the scaffolding of -night fell with a prodigious crash, as the true storm, -following upon its herald, descended with a hundred -thunders and the roar of ten hundred trumpets.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The true wind rushed headlong into the room -and extinguished both candles. Smoke rubbed -against Paul’s feet in the darkness, thoroughly -aroused; but Paul himself stood still, as the thrill -and splendour of it all entered his heart and filled -him with delight. Thunder, lightning, wind—all -passed mysteriously into his blood till he was almost -conscious of a desire to add the sound of his own -voice and shout aloud. The excitement of the -elemental forces swept into himself. He understood -now the signs of preparation that had been going -forward in him during the day.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Splendid sensations, the most splendid he ever -knew, raced to and fro in his being, till it almost -seemed as if his consciousness transferred itself to the -tempest. Surely, that great wind tore out of his -heart, that lightning sprang from his brain, that river -of rain washed, not merely out of the sky, but out -of himself. The edges of his personality became -fluid and melted off into the very nature of the -elements....</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_174'>174</span>‘Now,’ he exclaimed aloud, pacing to and fro -while Smoke followed him in the darkness and tried -to play with the bows on his pumps, ‘had I but the -means of expression, what a message I could give to -the world, of beauty, splendour, power!’ He -laughed in his excitement. ‘If only the strings of -my poor instrument had been tuned——!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Sighing a little to himself at the thought, he went -to the window. The first fury of the storm had -passed; there was a sudden deep lull broken only by -the rushing drip of rain; he smelt the wet foliage -and soaking grass. Close to the window, it chanced, -there was a dead tree, and in its leafless branches, -outlined sharply by the lightning against the black -sky, he traced what seemed the huge letters of some -elemental alphabet; and at that moment, the returning -wind passed through them like a hand on giant -strings. It drew forth a wonderful sound in response, -a sound that pierced as a two-edged sword to the -centre of his being. It was a true singing wind—a -Wind of Inspiration.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, as he heard it, the great wave that fought -for utterance rose within him and began to force and -tear its way out in spite of everything. Words came -pouring through him—like the stammering of torn -strings upon a fiddle—clipped wings trying to fly—sparks -streaming towards flame yet never achieving -it. Similes and metaphors rushed, mixed and headlong, -through his mind. In a moment he had dashed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_175'>175</span>across the floor; the candles were again alight; and -Paul, pencil in hand, was sitting at the table before a -sheet of blank foolscap, the storm crashing about -him, and Smoke watching him calmly with eyes full -of expectant wonder.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And then was enacted a little drama—tragedy -if ever there was one—that must often enough take -place in the secret places of the world’s houses, where -the dumb poet seeks to transfer his genuine passion -into the measure of halting and inadequate verse. -Poignantly dramatic the spectacle must be, though -never witnessed mercifully by an audience of more -than one. Paul wrote fast, setting the words down -almost as they came. It was that little passionate -Wind of Inspiration that was the cause of all the -trouble. Smoke jumped up on the table to watch -the motion of the pencil across the paper. For -some reason he hardly thought it worth while to -play with it:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The Winds of Inspiration blow,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Yet pass me ever by;</div> - <div class='line'>And songs God taught me long ago,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Unuttered burn and—die.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>He read the verse over, and with an impatient motion -altered ‘burn’ into ‘fade.’ Then he shook his head -and continued:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>From all the far blue hills of heaven</div> - <div class='line in2'>The dews of beauty rain;</div> - <div class='line'>Yet unto me no drops are given</div> - <div class='line in2'>To quench the ancient pain.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_176'>176</span>He scratched out ‘ancient’ and wrote over the -top ‘undying.’ Then he scratched out ‘undying’ -and put ‘ancient’ back in its place. This time -Smoke stretched out a long black paw with a velvet -end to it and gave the pencil a deliberate dab. Paul -either ignored, or did not notice it; but Smoke left -the paw thrust forward upon the paper so as to be -ready for the next dab.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I know the passion of the night,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Full of all days unborn,—</div> - <div class='line'>Full of the yearning of the light</div> - <div class='line in2'>For one undying Morn.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>Smoke caught the tip of the pencil with a swift -and accurate stroke, and the ‘M’ of ‘Morn’ was -provided with an irregular tail Paul had not intended. -Very quickly, however, without further interruption, -he wrote on to the end.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Above the embers of my heart,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Waiting the Living Breath;</div> - <div class='line'>The sparks fly listlessly apart—</div> - <div class='line in2'>Then circle to their death.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Dead sparks that gathered ne’er to flame,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Nor felt the kiss of fire!</div> - <div class='line'>Dead thoughts that never found the name</div> - <div class='line in2'>To spell their deep desire!</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Is then this instrument so poor</div> - <div class='line in2'>That it may never sound</div> - <div class='line'>Songs that must pass for evermore</div> - <div class='line in2'>Unuttered and uncrowned?</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_177'>177</span>O soul that fain would’st steal heaven’s fire,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Who clipped thy golden wings?</div> - <div class='line'>Who made so passionate a lyre,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Then never tuned the strings?</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The Winds of Inspiration blow,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Yet pass me ever by;</div> - <div class='line'>And songs God taught me long ago,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Lost in the silence—die.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>He rose from the table with a gesture of abrupt -impatience and read the entire effusion through from -beginning to end. First he laughed, then he sighed. -He wondered for a moment how it was that so little -of his passion had crept into the poor words. He -crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the drawer; -and then, blowing out the candles, moved over to -the big arm-chair and dropped down into it. Again, -as he sat there, his thoughts fell to dramatising his -mood. He imagined that region within himself -where all might come true, and all yearnings find -adequate expression. The idea got more and more -mingled with the storm. He pictured it to himself -with extraordinarily vivid detail.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There <em>is</em> such a place, such a state,’ he murmured, -‘and it is, it must be accessible.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He heard the clock in the stables—or was it the -church—strike the quarter before midnight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>As he sat in the big chair, Smoke left the table -and curled up again on the mat at his feet.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_178'>178</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XIV</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>Vision or imagination is a representation of what actually exists, -really and unchangeably. He who does not imagine in stronger and -better lineaments, and in stronger and better light, than his <em>perishing</em> -mortal eye can see, does not imagine at all.—W. B.</p> - -<p class='c010'>It was Smoke who first drew his attention to something -near the door by ‘padding’ slowly across the -carpet and staring up at the handle. Paul’s eyes, -following him, perceived next that the brass knob -was silently turning. Then the door opened quickly -and on the threshold stood—Nixie. The open door -made such a draught that the twenty winds tearing -about inside the room almost lifted the mat at his -feet. Behind her he saw the shadowy outline of a -second figure, which he recognised as Jonah.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Shut the door—quick!’ he said, but they had -done so and were already beside him almost before -the words were out of his mouth. In spite of the -darkness a very faint radiance came with them so -that he could distinguish their faces plainly; and his -amazement on seeing them at all at this late hour -was instantly doubled when he perceived further that -they were fully dressed for going out. At the same -<span class='pageno' id='Page_179'>179</span>time, however, so deep had he been in his reverie, -and so strongly did the excitement of it yet linger -in his blood, that he hardly realised how wicked -they were to be parading the house at such a time -of the night, and that his obvious duty was to bundle -them back to bed. In a strange, queer way they -almost seemed part of his dream, part of his -dramatised mood, part of the region of wonder -into which his thoughts had been leading him. -Moreover, he felt in some dim fashion that they -had come with a purpose of great importance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s awfully late, you know,’ he exclaimed -under his breath, peering into their faces through -the darkness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But not too late, if we start at once,’ Jonah -whispered. For a moment Paul had almost thought -that they would melt away and disappear as soon -as he spoke to them, or that they would not answer -at all. But now this settled it; these were no -figures in a dream. He felt their hands upon his -arms and neck; the very perfume of Nixie’s hair -and breath was about him. She was dressed, he -noticed, in her red cloak with the hood over her -head, and her eyes were popping with excitement. -The expression on her face was earnest, almost -grave. He saw the faint gleam of the gold buckle -where the shiny black belt enclosed her little waist.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘If we start <em>at once</em>, I said,’ repeated Jonah in -a nervous whisper, pulling at his hand.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_180'>180</span>Paul started to his feet and began fumbling with -his black tie, feeling vaguely that either he ought -to tie it properly or take it off altogether, and that -it was a sort of indecent tinsel to wear at such a -time. But he only succeeded in pricking his finger -with the pin sticking out of the collar. He felt -more than a little bewildered, if the truth were -told.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ll do that for you,’ Nixie said under her breath; -and in a twinkling her deft fingers had whipped the -strip of satin from his neck.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You don’t want a tie where we’re going,’ she -laughed softly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Or a hat either,’ added Jonah. ‘But I wish -you’d hurry, please.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’d better put on another coat or a dressing-gown, -or something,’ he stammered.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Coat’s best,’ Jonah told him, and in a moment -he had changed into a tweed Norfolk jacket that -lay upon the chair.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They pulled him towards the door, Nixie holding -one hand, Jonah the other, and Smoke following -so closely at his heels that he almost seemed to -be prodding him gently forward with his velvet -padded boots. Paul understood that tremendous -forces, elemental in character like the wind and -rain and lightning, somehow added their immense -suasion to the little hands that pulled his own. He -made no resistance, but just allowed himself to go; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_181'>181</span>and he went with a wild and boyish delight tearing -through his mind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are we going out then?’ he asked, ‘out of -doors?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What’s the exact time, the <em>very</em> exact time?’ -Nixie asked hurriedly, ignoring his question; and -though Paul had looked a few minutes before they -came in, he had quite forgotten by now. She helped -herself to his watch, burrowing under his coat to -find it, and peering closely to read the position of -the hands.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Five minutes to twelve!’ she exclaimed, addressing -Jonah in excited whispers. ‘Oh, I say! We -must be off at once, or we shall miss the crack -altogether. Come on, Uncle, or your life won’t -be safe a minute.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then what will it be a month, I should like -to know?’ he laughed as he was swept along through -the darkness, not knowing what to say or think.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The crack! The crack! Quick, or we shall -miss it!’ cried the children in the same sentence, -urging him heavily forward.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What crack? Where are we going to? What -does it all mean?’ he asked breathlessly, trying to -avoid treading on their toes and the toes of Smoke -who flew beside them with tail held swiftly aloft -as though to guide them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They brought him up with a sudden bump just -outside the door, and Nixie turned up a serious face -<span class='pageno' id='Page_182'>182</span>to explain, while Jonah waited impatiently in front -of them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Quick!’ she whispered, ‘listen and I’ll tell you. -We’re going to find the crack between Yesterday -and To-morrow, and then—slip through it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>His heart leaped with excitement as he heard.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Go on,’ he cried. ‘Tell me more!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You see, Yesterday really begins just after Midnight -when To-day ends’; she said, ‘and To-morrow -begins there too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘After Midnight, To-morrow jumps away again -a whole day, and is as far off as ever. That’s the -nearest you can get to To-morrow.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And Yesterday, which has been a whole day -away, suddenly jumps up close behind again. So -that Yesterday and To-morrow,’ she went on, eager -with excitement, ‘meet at Midnight for a single -second before flying off to their new places. Daddy -told us that long ago.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Exactly. They must.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But now the world is old and worn. There’s a -tiny little crack between Yesterday and To-morrow. -They don’t join as they once did, and, if we’re <em>very</em> -quick, we can find the crack and slip through——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Bless my Timber Limits!’ he exclaimed; ‘what -a glorious notion!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And, once inside there, there’s no time, of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_183'>183</span>course,’ she went on, more and more hurriedly. -‘<em>Anything</em> may happen, and <em>everything</em> come true.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The very region I was thinking about just -now!’ thought Paul. ‘The very place! I’ve found -it!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>Do</em> hurry up, oh <em>do</em>!’ put in Jonah with a -loud whisper that echoed down the corridor, for his -patience was at length exhausted by all this explanation. -‘You <em>are</em> so slow getting started.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Ready!’ cried Paul and Nixie in the same -breath.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They were off! Down the dark and silent stairs -on tiptoe, through the empty halls, past the hat-racks -and the stuffed deer heads that grinned down upon -them from the walls, along the stone passage to the -kitchen region, where the row of red fire-buckets -gleamed upon the shelves, and so, past the ghostly -pantry, to the back door. This they found open, -for Jonah had already run ahead and unlocked it. -Another minute and they had crossed the yard by -the stables, where the pump stood watching them like -a figure with an outstretched arm, and soon were -well out on to the lawn at the back of the house. The -rain had ceased, but the wind caught them here with -such tremendous blows and shouting that they could -hardly hear themselves speak, and had to keep closely -together in a bunch to make their way at all. It was -pitch dark and the stars were hidden. Paul stumbled -and floundered, treading incessantly on the toes of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_184'>184</span>the more nimble children. Smoke ran like a black -shadow, now in front, now behind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We’re nearly there,’ Nixie cried encouragingly, -as he made a false step and landed with a crash in -the middle of some low laurel bushes. ‘But <em>do</em> be -more careful, Uncle, please,’ she added, helping him -out again.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There’s the clock striking!’ Jonah called, a -little in front of them. ‘We’re only just in time!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul recovered himself and pulled up beside them -under the shadows of the big twin cedars that stood -like immense sentries at the end of the lawn. He -came rolling in, swaying like a ship in a heavy sea. -And, as he did so, the sound of a church bell striking -the hour came to their ears through the terrific uproar -of the elements, blown this way and that by the -wind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was midnight striking.</p> - -<p class='c011'>At the same instant he heard a peculiar sharp -sound like whistling—the noise wind makes tearing -through a narrow opening.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The crack, the crack!’ cried his guides together. -‘That’s the air rushing. It’s coming. Look out!’ -They seized him by the hands.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But I shall never get through,’ shouted Paul, -thinking of his size for the first time.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes you will,’ Nixie screamed back at him above -the roar. ‘Between the sixth and seventh strokes, -remember.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_185'>185</span>The fifth stroke had already sounded. The wind -caught it and went shrieking into the sky.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Six! boomed the distant bell through the night. -They held his hands in a vice.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was a sound like an express train tearing -through the air. A quick flash of brilliance followed, -and a long slit seemed to open suddenly in the -sky before them, and then flash past like lightning. -Nixie tugged at one hand, and Jonah tugged -at the other. Smoke scampered madly past his -feet.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A wild rush of wind swept him along, whistling -in his ears; there was a breathless and giddy sensation -of dropping through empty space that seemed as -though it could never end—and then Paul suddenly -found himself sitting on a grassy bank beside a river, -Nixie and Jonah on either side of him, and Smoke -washing his face in front of them as though nothing -in the whole world had ever happened to disturb his -equanimity. And a bright, soft light, like the light -of the sun, shone warmly over everything.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Only just managed it,’ Nixie observed to Jonah. -‘He <em>is</em> rather wide, isn’t he?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Everybody’s thin somewhere,’ was the reply.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And the crack is very stretchy’—she added,—‘luckily.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul drew a long breath and stretched himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well,’ he said, still a little breathless and dizzy, -‘such things were never done in my day.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_186'>186</span>‘But this isn’t your day any more,’ explained -Nixie, her blue eyes popping with laughter and -mischief, ‘it’s your night. And, anyhow, as I told -you, there’s no time here at all. There’s no hurry -now.’</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_187'>187</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XV</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>The imagination is not a state; it is the human existence itself.—W. B.</p> - -<p class='c010'>Paul, looking round, felt utterly at peace with himself -and the world; at rest, he felt. That was his -first sensation in the mass. He recovered in a -moment from his breathless entrance, and a subtle -pleasure began to steal through his veins. It seemed -as if every yearning he had ever known was being -ministered to by competent unseen Presences; and, -obviously, the children and the cats—Mrs. Tompkyns -had somehow managed to join Smoke—felt likewise, -for their countenances beamed and blinked supreme -contentment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Ah!’ observed Jonah, sitting contentedly on the -grass beside him. ‘This is the place.’ He heaved -a happy little sigh, as though the statement were -incontrovertible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It is,’ echoed Paul. And Nixie’s eyes shone like -blue flowers in a field of spring.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The crack’s smaller than it used to be though,’ -he heard her murmuring to herself. ‘Every year -it’s harder to get through. I suppose something’s -<span class='pageno' id='Page_188'>188</span>happening to the world—or to people; some change -going on——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Or we’re getting older,’ Jonah put in with profounder -wisdom than he knew.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul congratulated himself upon his successful -entrance. He felt something of a dog! The bank -on which he lay sloped down towards a river fledged -with reeds and flowers; its waters, blue as the sky, -flowed rippling by, and a soft wind, warm and -scented, sighed over it from the heart of the summer. -On the opposite shore, not fifty yards across, a grove -of larches swayed their slender branches lazily in the -sun, and a little farther down the banks he saw a -line of willows drooping down to moisten their -tongue-like leaves. The air hummed pleasantly with -insects; birds flashed to and fro, singing as they -flew; and, in the distance, across miles of blue -meadowlands, hills rose in shadowy outline to the -sky. He feasted on the beauty of it all, absorbing -it through every sense.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But where are we?’ he asked at length, ‘because -a moment ago we were in a storm somewhere?’ -He turned to Nixie who still lay talking to herself -contentedly at his side. ‘And what really happens -here?’ he added with a blush. ‘I feel so extraordinarily -happy.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They lay half-buried among the sweet-scented -grasses. Jonah burrowed along the shore at some -game of his own close by, and the cats made a busy -<span class='pageno' id='Page_189'>189</span>pretence of hunting wild game in a dozen places at -once, and then suddenly basking in the sun and -washing each other’s necks and backs as though -wild-game hunting were a bore.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nothing ’xactly—<em>happens</em>,’ she answered, and -her voice sounded curiously like wind in rushes—‘but -everything—<em>is</em>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It seemed to him as though he listened to some -spirit of the ages, very wise with the wisdom of -eternal youth, that spoke to him through the pretty -little mouth of this rosy-faced child.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s like that river,’ she went on, pointing to the -blue streak winding far away in a ribbon through -the landscape, ‘which flows on for ever in a circle, -and never comes to an end. Everything here goes -on always, and then always begins again.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For the river, as Paul afterwards found out, ran -on for miles and miles, in the curves of an immense -circle, of which the sea itself was apparently nothing -but a widening of certain portions.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So here,’ continued the child, making a pattern -with daisies on his sleeve as she talked, ‘you can go -over anything you like again and again, and it need -never come to an end at all. Only,’ she added, -looking up gravely into his face, ‘you must really, -<em>really</em> want it to start with.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Without getting tired?’ he asked, wonderingly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course; because <em>you</em> begin over and over -again with it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_190'>190</span>‘Delightful!’ he exclaimed, ‘that means a place -of eternal youth, where emotions continually renew -themselves.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s the place where you find lost things,’ -she explained, with a little puzzled laugh at his -foolish long words, ‘and where things that came to -no proper sort of end—things that didn’t come true, -I mean, in the world, all happen and enjoy themselves——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He sat up with a jerk, forgetting the carefully -arranged daisies on his coat, and scattering them all -over the grass.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But this is too splendid!’ he cried. ‘This is -what I’ve always been looking for. It’s what I was -thinking about just now when I tried to write a -poem and couldn’t.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>We</em> found it long ago,’ said the child, pointing -to Jonah and Mrs. Tompkyns, Smoke having -mysteriously disappeared for the moment. ‘We -live here really most of the time. Daddy brought -us here first.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Things life promised, but never gave, here come -to full fruition,’ Paul murmured to himself. ‘You -mean,’ he added aloud, ‘this is where ideals that -have gone astray among the years may be found -again, and actually realised? A kingdom of heaven -within the heart?’ He was very excited, and forgot -for the moment he was speaking to a child.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I don’t know about all that,’ she answered, with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_191'>191</span>a puzzled look. ‘But it is life. We live-happily-ever-after -here. That’s what I mean.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It all comes true here?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All, all, all. All broken things and all lost -things come here and are happy again,’ she went on -eagerly; ‘and if you look hard enough you can find -’xactly what you want and ’xactly what you lost. -And once you’ve found it, nothing can break it or -lose it again.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul stared, understanding that the voice speaking -through her was greater than she knew.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And some things are lost, <em>we</em> think,’ she added, -‘simply because they were wanted—wanted very much -indeed, but never got.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yet these are certainly the words of a child,’ he -reflected, wonder and delight equally mingled, ‘and of -a child tumbling about among great spiritual things -in a simple, intuitive fashion without knowing it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All the things that ought to happen, but never -do happen,’ she went on, picking up the scattered -daisies and making the pattern anew on a different -part of his coat. ‘They all are found here.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Wishes, dreams, ideals?’ he asked, more to see -what answer she would make than because he didn’t -understand.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I suppose that’s the same thing,’ she replied. -‘But, now <em>please</em>, Uncle Paul, keep still a minute or -I can’t possibly finish this crown the daisies want me -to make for them.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_192'>192</span>Paul stared into her eyes and saw through them -to the blue of the sky and the blue of the winding -river beyond; through to the hills on the horizon, -a deeper blue still; and thence into the softer blue -shadows that lay over the timeless land buried in -the distances of his own heart, where things might -indeed come true beyond all reach of misadventure -or decay. For this, of course, was the real land of -wonder and imagination, where everything might -happen and nothing need grow old. The vision of -the poet saw ... far—far....</p> - -<p class='c011'>All this he realised through the blue eyes of the -child at his side, who was playing with daisies and -talking about the make-believe of children. His -being swam out into the sunshine of great distances, -of endless possibilities, all of which he might be able -afterwards to interpret to others who did not see so -far, or so clearly, as himself. He began to realise -that his spirit, like the endless river at his feet, was -without end or beginning. Thrills of new life -poured into him from all sides.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And when we go back,’ he heard the musical -little voice saying beside him, ‘that church will be -striking exactly where we left it—the sixth stroke, -I mean.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course; <em>I</em> see!’ cried Paul, beginning to -realise the full value of his discovery, ‘for there’s -no time here, is there? Nothing grows old.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s it,’ she laughed, clapping her hands, ‘and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_193'>193</span>you can find all the lost and broken things you want, -if you look hard and—really want them.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I want a lot,’ he mused, still staring into the -little wells of blue opposite; ‘the kind that are lost -because they’ve never been “got,”’ he added with -a smile, using her own word.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘For instance,’ Nixie continued, hanging the -daisies now in a string from his beard, ‘all my -broken things come here and live happily—if I -broke them by accident; but if I broke them in a -temper, they are still angry and frighten me, and -sometimes even chase me out again. Only Jonah -has more of these than I have, and they are all on -the other side of the river, so we’re quite safe here. -Now watch,’ she added in a lower voice, ‘Look -hard under the trees and you’ll see what I mean -perhaps. And wish hard, too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul’s eyes followed the direction of her finger -across the river, and almost at once dim shapes -began to move to and fro among the larches, starting -into life where the shadows were deepest. At first -he could distinguish no very definite forms, but -gradually the outlines grew clearer as the forms -approached the edges of the wood, coming out into -the sunshine.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The ghosts! The ghosts of broken things!’ -cried Jonah, running up the bank for protection. -‘Look! They’re coming out. Some one’s thinking -about them, you see!’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_194'>194</span>Paul, as he gazed, thought he had never seen -such an odd collection of shapes in his life. They -stalked about awkwardly like huge insects with legs -of unequal length, and with a lop-sided motion that -made it impossible to tell in which direction they -meant to go. They had brilliant little eyes that -flashed this way and that, making a delicate network -of rays all through the wood like the shafts of a -hundred miniature search-lights. Their legs, too, -were able to bend both forwards and backwards -and even sideways, so that when they appeared to -be coming towards him they really were going away; -and the strange tumbling motion of their bodies, -due to the unequal legs, gave them an appearance -that was weirdly grotesque rather than terrifying.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was, indeed, a curious and delightful assortment -of goblins. There were dolls without heads, -and heads without dolls; milk jugs without handles, -china teapots without spouts, and spouts without -china teapots; clocks without hands, or with cracked -and wounded faces; bottles without necks; broken -cups, mugs, plates, and dishes, all with gaping -slits and cracks in their anatomy, with half their -faces missing, or without heads at all; every sort -of vase imaginable with every sort of handle unimaginable; -tin soldiers without swords or helmets, -china puppies without tails, broken cages, knives -without handles; and a collection of basins of all -sizes that would have been sufficient to equip an -<span class='pageno' id='Page_195'>195</span>entire fleet of cross-channel steamers: altogether a -formidable and pathetic army of broken creatures.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What in the world are they trying to do?’ he -asked, after watching their antics for some minutes -with amazement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Looking for the broken parts,’ explained Jonah, -who was half amused, half alarmed. ‘They get out -of shape like that because they pick up the first -pieces they find.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And <em>you</em> broke all these things?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The boy nodded his head proudly. ‘I reckernise -most of them,’ he said, ‘but they’re nearly all -accidents. I said “sorry” for each one.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That, you see,’ Nixie interrupted, ‘makes all -the difference. If you break a thing on purpose in -a temper, you murder it; but the accidents come -down here and feel nothing. They hardly know -who broke them. In the end they all find their -pieces. It’s the heaven of broken things, we call -it. But now let’s send them away.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How?’ asked Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘By forgetting them,’ cried Jonah.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They turned their faces away and began to think -of other things, and at once the figures began to -fade and grow dim. The lights went out one by -one. The grotesque shapes melted into the trees, -and a minute later there was nothing to be seen but -the slender larch stems and the play of sunlight and -shadow beneath their branches.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_196'>196</span>‘You see how it works, at any rate,’ Nixie said. -‘Anything you’ve lost or broken will come back -if you think hard enough—nice things as well as -nasty things—but they must be real, real things, and -you must want them in a real, real way.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was, indeed, he saw, the region where thoughts -come true.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then do broken people come here too?’ Paul -asked gravely after a considerable pause, during -which his thoughts went profoundly wandering.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes; only we don’t happen to know any. But -all our dead animals are here, all the kittens that -had to be drowned, and the puppies that died, and -the collie the Burdons’ motor killed, and Birthday, -our old horse that had to be shot. They’re all here, -and all happy.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Let’s go and see them then,’ he cried, delighted -with this idea of a heaven of broken animals.</p> - -<p class='c011'>In a moment they were on their feet and away -over the springy turf, singing and laughing in the -sunshine, picking flowers, jumping the little brooks -that ran like crystal ribbons among the grass, Nixie -and Jonah dancing by his side as though they had -springs in their feet and wings on their shoulders. -More and more the country spread before them like -a great garden run wild, and Paul thought he had -never seen such fields of flowers or smelt such -perfumes in the wind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What’s the matter now?’ he exclaimed, as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_197'>197</span>Jonah stopped and began to stare hard at an acre -of lilies of the valley by the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘He’s calling some things of his own,’ Nixie -answered. ‘Stare and think—and they’ll all come. -But we needn’t bother about him. Come along!’ -And he only had time to see the lilies open in an -avenue to make way for a variety of furry, four-legged -creatures, when the child pulled him by the -hand and they were off again at full speed across -the fields.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A sound of neighing made him turn round, and -before he could move aside, a large grey horse with -a flowing tail and a face full of gentle beneficence -came trotting over the turf and stopped just behind -him, nuzzling softly into his shoulder.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nice, silly-faced old thing,’ said Nixie, running -up to speak to it, while a brown collie trotted quietly -at her heels. A little further off, peeping up through -a tangled growth of pinks and meadow-sweet, he saw -the faces of innumerable kittens, watching him with -large and inquisitive eyes, their ears just topping -the flowers like leaves of fur. Such a family of -animals Paul thought he had never even dreamed of.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is the heaven of the lost animals,’ Nixie -cried from her seat on the back of the grey horse, -having climbed up by means of a big stone. On -her shoulder perched a small brown owl, blinking -in the light like the instantaneous shutter of a -photographic camera. It had fluffy feathers down -<span class='pageno' id='Page_198'>198</span>to its ankles like trousers, and was very tame. -‘And they are always happy here and have plenty -to eat and drink. They play with us far better here -than outside, and are never frightened. Of course, -too, they get no older.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul climbed up behind her on the horse’s -back.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now we’re off!’ he cried; and with Jonah and -a dozen animals at their heels, they raced off across -the open country, holding on as best they could -to mane and tail, laughing, shouting, singing, while -the wind whistled in their ears and the hot sun -poured down upon their bare heads.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, suddenly, the horse stopped with a jerk -that sent them sprawling forward upon his neck. -He turned his head round to look at them with a -comical expression in his big, brown eyes. Paul slid -off behind, and Nixie saved herself by springing sideways -into a bed of forget-me-nots. The owl fluttered -away, blinking its eyes more rapidly than ever in a -kind of surprised fury, shaking out its fluffy trousers, -and Jonah arrived panting with his dogs and rabbits -and puppies.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Come,’ exclaimed Nixie breathlessly, ‘he’s had -enough by now. No animal wants people too long. -Let’s get something to eat.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And I’ll cook it,’ cried the boy, busying himself -with sticks and twigs upon the ground. ‘We’ll -have stodgy-pudding and cake and jam and oyster-patties, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_199'>199</span>and then more stodgy-pudding again to -finish up with.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul glanced round him and saw that all the -animals had disappeared—gone like thoughts forgotten. -In their place he soon saw a column of blue -smoke rising up among the fir trees close behind him, -and the children flitting to and fro through it -looking like miniature gypsies. The odour of the -burning wood was incense in his nostrils.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But can’t I see something too—something of my -own?’ he asked in an aggrieved tone.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie and Jonah looked up at him with surprise. -‘Of course you can,’ they exclaimed together. ‘Just -stare into space as the cats do, and think, and wish, -and wait. Anything you want will come—with -practice. People you’ve lost, or people you’ve -wanted to find, or anything that’s never come true -anywhere else.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They went on busily with their cooking again, -and Paul, lying on his back in the grass some distance -away, sent his thoughts roaming, searching, deeply -calling, far into the region of unsatisfied dreams and -desires within his heart....</p> - -<p class='c011'>For what seemed hours and hours they wandered -together through the byways of this vast, enchanted -garden, finding everything they wished to find, forgetting -everything they wished to forget, amusing -themselves to their heart’s content; till, at last, they -stood together on a big boulder in the river where -<span class='pageno' id='Page_200'>200</span>the spray rose about them in a cloud and painted a -rainbow above their heads.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Get ready! Quick!’ cried Jonah. ‘The -Crack’s coming!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s coming!’ repeated Nixie, seizing Paul’s -hand and urging him to hold very tight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He had no time to reply. There was a rushing -sound of air tearing through a narrow opening. -The sky grew dark, with a roaring in his ears and -a sense of great things flying past him. Again -came the sensation of dropping giddily through -space, and the next minute he found himself standing -with the two children upon the lawn, darkness -about them, and the storm howling and crashing over -their heads through the branches of the twin cedars.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There’s the clock still striking,’ Nixie cried. -‘It’s only been a few seconds altogether.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He heard the church clock strike the last six -strokes of midnight.</p> - -<p class='c010'>For some minutes he realised little more than -that he felt rather stiff and uncomfortable in his -bedroom chair, and that he was chilly about the -legs. Outside the wind still roared and whistled, -making the windows rattle, while gusts of rain fell -volleying against the panes as though trying to get -in. A roll of distant thunder came faintly to his -ear. He stretched himself and began to undress by -the light of a single candle.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_201'>201</span>On the table lay a sheet of paper headed ‘How -I climbed the Scaffolding of the Night,’ and he read -down the page and then took his pen and wrote the -heading of something else on another sheet: -‘Adventure in the Land between Yesterday and -To-morrow.’ With a mighty yawn he then blew out -his candle and tumbled into bed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And with him, for all the howling of the elements, -came a strange sense of peace and happiness. Out -of the depths rose gradually before his inner eye -in a series of delightful pictures the scenes he had -just left, and he understood that the pathway to -that country of dreams fulfilled and emotions that -never die, lay buried far within his own being.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Between Yesterday and To-morrow’ was to be -the children’s counterpart of that timeless, deathless -region where the spirit may always go when hunted -by the world, fretted by the passion of unsatisfied -yearnings, plagued by the remorseless tribes of sorrow -and disaster. There none could follow him, just -as none—none but himself—could bring about its -destruction. For he had found the mystical haven -where all lost or broken things eternally reconstruct -themselves.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The ‘Crack,’ of course, may be found by all who -have the genuine yearning to recreate their world -more sweetly, provided they possess at the start -enough imagination to repay the trouble of training—also -that <em>Wanderlust</em> of the spirit which seeks ever -<span class='pageno' id='Page_202'>202</span>for a resting-place in the great beyond that reaches -up to God.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul as yet had but discovered the entrance, led -by little children who dreamed not how wondrous -was the journey; but the rest would follow. For -it is a region mapped gradually out of a thousand -impulses, out of ten thousand dreams, out of the -eternal desires of the soul. It is not discovered in -a day, nor do the ways of entrance always remain -the same. A thousand joys contribute to its -fashioning, a thousand frustrated hopes describe its -boundaries, and ten thousand griefs bring slowly, -piece by piece, the material for its construction, -while every new experience of the soul, successful -or disastrous, adds something to its uncharted -geography. Slowly it gathers into existence, becoming -with every sojourn more real and more satisfying, -till at length from the pain of all possible disillusionment -the way opens to the heart of relief, to the -peaceful place of hopes renewed, of purposes made -fruitful and complete.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And from this deathless region, too, flow all the -forces of the soul that make for hope, enthusiasm, -courage, and delight. The children might call it -‘Between Yesterday and To-morrow,’ and find their -little broken dreams brought back to life; but Paul -understood that its rewards might vary immensely -according to the courage and the need of the soul -that sought it.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_203'>203</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XVI</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you.</div> - <div class='line in40'><span class='sc'>Yeats.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Thus, led delicately by the animals and the children, -and guided to a certain extent, too, by the curious -poesy of his own soul, Paul Rivers came gradually -into his own. Once made free of their world, he -would learn next that the process automatically -made him free of his own. This simple expedient -of having found an audience did wonders for him, -for it not only loosened his tongue and his pen, but -set all the deeper parts of him running into speech, -and the natural love and poetry of the man began -to produce a delightful, if somewhat extraordinary, -harvest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He understood—none better—that fantasy, unless -rooted in reality, leads away from action and tends -to weakness and insipidity; but that, grounded in -the common facts of life, and content with idealising -the actual, it might become an important factor for -good, lending wings to the feet and lifting the soul -over difficult places. His education advanced by -leaps and bounds.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_204'>204</span>And in some respects he showed himself possessed -of a wisdom that could only have belonged to him -because at heart he was still a child, and the ordinary -‘knowledge of the world’ had not come to spoil him -in his life of solitude among the trees.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For instance, that ‘Between Yesterday and To-morrow’ -bore some curious relation to reverie and -dreams, he dimly discerned, yet, with this simple -and profound wisdom of his, he refused to pry too -closely into the nature of such relationship. He did -not seek to reduce the delightful experience to the -little hard pellet of an exact fact. For that, he felt, -would be to lose it. Exact knowledge, he knew, -was often merely a great treachery, and ‘fact’ a -dangerous weapon that deceived, and might even -destroy, its owner. If he analysed too carefully, he -might analyse the whole thing out of existence -altogether, and such a contingency was not to be -thought of for a single moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Moreover, the attitude of the children confirmed -his own. They never referred to their adventures -until he had given them form and substance in his -reports as recording secretary of the society. No -word passed their lips until they had heard them -read out, and <em>then</em> they talked of nothing else. -During the day they maintained a sublime ignorance -of his ‘aventures of the night,’ as though nothing -of the kind had ever happened; and this tended still -further to relegate it all to a region untouched by -<span class='pageno' id='Page_205'>205</span>time, beyond the reach of chance, beyond the destruction -of mere talk, eternal and real in the great -sense.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Meanwhile, as this hidden country he had discovered -yielded to exploration, becoming more and -more mapped out, and its springs of water tapped, -Paul was conscious that the power from these vital -sources began to modify his character, and to enlarge -his outlook upon life. Imagination, released and -singing, provides the greatest of all magics—belief -in one’s self. The rivers of feeling carve their own -channels, which are ever the shortest way to the -ocean of fulfilment. The effects spread gradually to -the remotest corner of his being.</p> - -<p class='c011'>One rainy day he found himself alone in the -schoolroom with Nixie, for it was Saturday afternoon, -and Mlle. Fleury had carried off Jonah and Toby in -their best clothes, and to their acute dismay, to have -tea with the children—they were dull children—at -the vicarage.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Dressed in blue serge, with a broad white collar -over her shoulders and a band of gold about her -waist that matched the colour of her hair, she darted -about the room with her usual effect of brightness, -so that he found himself continually thinking the -sun had burst through the clouds. She was busily -arranging cats and kittens in various positions in -which they showed no inclination to remain, till the -performance had somewhat the air of the old-fashioned -<span class='pageno' id='Page_206'>206</span>game of ‘general post.’ Paul sat lazily at the ink-stained -table, dividing his attentions between watching -the child’s fascinating movements and pecking -idly into the soft wood with his little gold penknife.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Aren’t you <em>very</em> glad we found you out so soon, -Uncle Paul?’ she asked suddenly, looking up at -him over a back of glossy and wriggling yellow fur. -‘Aren’t you very glad <em>indeed</em>, I mean?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He went on picking at the soft ditches between -the ridges of dirty brown without answering for a -moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes,’ he said presently, in the slow manner of a -man who weighs his words; ‘very glad indeed. It’s -increased my interest in life. It’s made me happier, -and healthier, and wealthier, and all the rest of it—and -wiser too.’ He bent, frowning, over the -ditches.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It was all your own fault, you know, that we -didn’t get you sooner. Oh, years ago—ever so -many.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But I was in the backwoods, Nixie.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That made no difference,’ she answered -promptly. ‘If you had written to us, as mother -often asked, we should have noticed at once what -you were.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How could that possibly be?’ he objected, -still without looking up.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course!’ was the overwhelming reply.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, come now,’ he said, staring at her solemnly -<span class='pageno' id='Page_207'>207</span>over the table; ‘I admit your penetration is pretty -keen, but I doubt <em>that</em>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She returned his gaze with an expression of grave, -almost contemptuous surprise, tossing her hair back -impatiently with a jerk from her face. She had -finally established the kittens, Zezette and Sambo, in -a sleepy heap just where she wanted them on the top -of the squirrel’s cage.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But, Uncle,’ she exclaimed, ‘between yesserdayantomorrow -you can meet people even after -they’ve gone altogether. So America wouldn’t have -been difficult. How can you think such things?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Not knowing exactly how it was he could think -such things, Paul made no immediate reply.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Anyhow,’ she resumed, ‘it didn’t take long -once you were here. We saw in a second in the -drawinroom what you were—the day you -arrived.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But I acted so well! I’m sure now I behaved—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You behaved just like Jonah,’ she interrupted -him with swift decision, ‘—only bigger!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul laughed to himself. His inquisitor shot -across the room to establish Pouf, another kitten, on -the piano top. She moved lightly, with a dancing -motion that flung her hair behind her through the -air, again producing the effect of a sunlight gleam. -Paul continued to destroy the table with his blunt -penknife, chuckling inwardly at the figure he must -<span class='pageno' id='Page_208'>208</span>have cut that summer afternoon in the ‘drawinroom’ -before these mercilessly observant eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You stood about shyly just like him and Toby—in -lumps,’ she went on presently, ‘saying things -in a sudden, jerky way—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘In lumps!’ cried Paul. ‘That’s a nice way to -talk to your Uncle!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie burst out laughing. ‘Oh, I don’t mean -that quite,’ she explained; ‘but you stood about as if -you found it hard to balance, and were afraid to -move off the mat. Just as Jonah does at a party -when he’s shy. I copied you <em>exactly</em> when I got -upstairs.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Did I indeed? Did you indeed, I mean?’ said -he, wondering whether he ought to feel offended -or pleased at the picture.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, rather,’ declared the child emphatically, -darting up with Pouf who had definitely rejected the -top of the piano, and planting it on the table under -his nose, where it immediately sat down, purring -loudly and staring into his face. ‘I should think -you did! You see, Pouf says so too; he’s purring -his agreement. Listen to him! That’s fur -language.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He listened as he was bid, gazing first into the -green eyes of the kitten that opened so wide they -seemed to have no lids at all, and then into the -mischievous blue eyes of his other tormentor. He -decided that on the whole he felt pleased.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_209'>209</span>‘Then I wasted a lot of time,’ he observed -presently, ‘about joining, I mean—coming into your -world.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘H’mmmm, you did.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Only, remember, you were all very young when -I was in America, weren’t you?’ he added by way -of excuse.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie nodded her head approvingly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And you, I expect,’ she replied thoughtfully, -‘were too hard then. I hadn’t thought of that. -You might never have squeezed through the Crack, -mightn’t you? You’re much softer now,’ she -decided after a second’s reflection, ‘ever so much -softer!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I <em>have</em> improved, I think,’ he admitted, blushing -like a pleased schoolboy. ‘I am decidedly softer!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He made a violent dig with his penknife, breaking -down the hard barrier between two ditches, whereupon -Pouf, thinking the resultant splinter was a -plaything specially contrived for its happiness, opened -its eyes wider than ever, and stretched out a paw -that looked huge compared with the splinter and -the penknife. Paul put the weapon away, and Pouf -fixed its eyes intently on the pocket where it had -vanished, leaving its paw absent-mindedly lying on -the splinter which it had already wholly forgotten. -It purred louder than ever, trying to give the impression -that it was really a big cat.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Outside the rain fell softly. A blue-bottle buzzed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_210'>210</span>noisily about the room, banging the ceiling and the -walls as though it were exceedingly angry. Through -the open window floated the smell of the English -garden soaked in rain, odours of soused trees and -lawns, and wet air—exquisitely fragrant.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A hush fell over the room; only the purring of -the kittens broke it. Paul thought it was the most -soothing sound in the whole world; something -began to purr within himself. His head, and -Nixie’s head, and little Pouf’s head—all lay very -close together over that schoolroom table, each full -of its own busy dreams. These queer, gentle talks -with the child were very delightful to him, all his -shyness and self-consciousness gone, and the spirit -of true wonder, simple and profound, awake in his -heart.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Together, for a long time, they listened in silence -to these sounds of purring and breathing and the -murmur of rain falling outside: deep, velvety -breathing it was, almost inaudible. Everything in -life, Paul caught himself reflecting, tragedy or -comedy, goes on against a background of this deep, -hidden, purring sound of life. Breathing is the first -manifestation of life; it is the music of the world, -the soft, continuous hum of existence. His thoughts -travelled far....</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, on the whole,’ he muttered at length inconsequently, -‘I think I may consider myself softer -than before—kinder, gentler, more alive!’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_211'>211</span>But neither Nixie, nor Pouf, nor, for that matter, -Sambo and Zezette either, paid the smallest attention -to his remark; he was soon lost again in further -reflections.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was the child’s voice that presently recalled him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Uncle Paul,’ she said very softly, her mind still -busy with thoughts of her own, ‘do you know that -sometimes I have heard the earth breathing too—akchilly -breathing?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul, coming back from a long journey, turned -and gazed at the eager little face beside him in -silence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The earth is alive, I’m sure,’ she went on with -an air of great mystery. ‘It breathes and whispers, -and even purrs; sometimes it cries. It’s a great -body, alive—just like you and the other stars——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They are all bodies, though; heavenly bodies, -Daddy called them. Only we, I suppose, are too -small to see it that way perhaps.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul listened, stroking Pouf slowly. The child’s -voice was low and somewhat breathless with the -excitement of what she was saying. She believed -every word of it intensely. Only a very small part -of what she was thinking found expression in her -words. Her ideas beckoned her beyond; and mere -words could not overtake them at her age.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The earth,’ she went on, seeing that he did not -laugh, ‘is somebody’s big round body rolling down -<span class='pageno' id='Page_212'>212</span>the sky. It simply must be. Daddy always said -that a fly settling on our bodies didn’t know we were, -alive, so we can’t understand that the earth is alive -either. Only <em>I know it</em>. Oh!’ she cried out with -sudden enthusiasm, ‘how I would love to hear its -real out-loud voice. What a t’riffic roar it must be. -I only wish my ears were further——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Sharper, you mean.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But, all the same, I <em>have</em> heard it breathing,’ -she added more quietly, lifting Pouf suddenly and -wrapping its sleeping body round her neck like a -boa, ‘just like this.’ She put her head on one side, -so that her cheek was against the kitten’s lips, and -the faint stream of its breathing tickled her ear. -‘Only the breathing of the earth is much, ever so -much, longer and deeper. It’s whole months long.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul was listening now with his undivided attention. -He was being admitted to the very heart of -an imaginative child’s world, and the knowledge of -it charmed him inexpressibly. His eyes were almost -as bright, his cheeks as pink with excitement, as her -own. Only he must be very careful indeed. The -least mistake on his part would close the door.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Months, Nixie?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, yes, a single breath is months long,’ she -whispered, her eyes growing in size, and darkening -with wonder and awe. ‘Pouf lies on me and breathes -twice to my once, but I breathe millions of times—ever -so many millions—as I lie on the earth’s body. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_213'>213</span>And it breathes in and out just as Pouf and I do. -Winter is breathing in, and summer is breathing out, -you see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So the equinoctial gales are the changes from one -breath to the other?’ he put in gravely.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I hadn’t thought about the—the gales,’ she said, -putting her face closer and lowering her voice, ‘but -I know that in the summer I often hear the earth -breathing out—’specially on still warm nights when -everything lies awake and listens for it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then do “Things” really listen as we do?’ he -asked gently.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not ’xactly as we do. We only listen in one -place—our ears. They listen all over. But they’re -alive just the same, though so much quieter. Oh, -Uncle Paul, everything is alive; everything, I know -it!’ She fixed a searching look on him. ‘You -knew <em>that</em>, didn’t you?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was a trace of real surprise and disappointment -in her voice.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well,’ he answered truthfully, ‘I had often and -often thought about it, and wondered sometimes—whether——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But the child interrupted him almost imperiously. -He realised sharply how the knowledge that the -years bring—little, exact, precise knowledge—may -kill the dreams of the naked soul, yet give nothing -in their place but dust and ashes. And, by the same -token, he recognised that his own heart was still -<span class='pageno' id='Page_214'>214</span>untouched, unspoiled. The blood leaped and ran -within him at the thought.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The winds, too, are alive,’—she spoke with a -solemn excitement that made her delicate face flush -as though a white fire glowed suddenly beneath the -skin and behind the charming eyes—‘they run -about, and sleep, and sing, and are full of voices. -The wind has hundreds of voices—just like insects -with such a lot of eyes.’ (Even her strange simile -did not make him smile, so real was the belief and -enthusiasm of her words.) ‘<em>We</em> (with scorn) have -only one voice; but the wind can laugh and cry at -the same time!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ve heard it,’ he put in, secretly thrilled.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I know its angry voice as well as its pretended-angry -voice, when it’s very loud but means nothing -in particular. Its baby-voice, when it comes through -the keyhole at night, or down the chimney, or just -outside the window in the early morning, and tells -me all its little very-wonderful-indeed aventures, -makes me so happy I want to cry and laugh at -once.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She paused a moment for breath, dimly conscious, -perhaps, that her description was somewhat confused. -Her excitement somehow communicated itself to -Pouf at the same time, for the kitten suddenly rose -up with an arched back and indulged in a yawn that -would have cracked the jaws of any self-respecting -creature. After a prolonged stare at Paul, it proceeded -<span class='pageno' id='Page_215'>215</span>inconsequently to wash itself with an air that -plainly said, ‘You won’t catch me napping again. <em>I</em> -want to hear this too.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul, meanwhile, stared at the child beside him, -thinking that the gold-dust on her hair must surely -come from her tumbling journeys among the stars, -and wondering if she understood how deeply she -saw into the heart of things with those dreamy blue -eyes of hers.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Listen, Nixie, you fairy-child, and I’ll tell you -something,’ he said gently, ‘something you will like -very much’; and, while she waited and held her -breath, he whispered softly in her ear:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:</div> - <div class='line'>The soul that rises in us, our life’s star</div> - <div class='line in4'>Hath had elsewhere its setting,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And cometh from afar:</div> - <div class='line in4'>Not in entire forgetfulness,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And not in utter nakedness,</div> - <div class='line'>But trailing clouds of glory do we come</div> - <div class='line in4'>From God who is our home.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_216'>216</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XVII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>And snatches of thee everywhere</div> - <div class='line'>Make little heavens throughout a day.</div> - <div class='line in28'><span class='sc'>Alice Meynell.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>‘That’s very pretty, I think,’ she said politely, -staring at him, with a little smile, half puzzled. -The music of the words had touched her, but she -evidently did not grasp why he should have said it. -She waited a minute to see if he had really finished, -and then went on again with her own vein of -thought.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then please tell me, Uncle,’ she asked gravely, -with deep earnestness, ‘what is it people lose when -they grow up?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And he answered her with equal gravity, speaking -seriously as though the little body at his side were -habited by an old, discriminating soul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Simplicity, I think, principally—and vision,’ he -said. ‘They get wise with so many little details -called facts that they lose the great view.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child watched his face, trying to understand. -After a pause she came back to her own thinking—the -sphere where she felt sure of herself.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_217'>217</span>‘They never see things properly once they’re -grown up,’ she said sadly. ‘They all walk into a -fog, <em>I</em> believe, that hides all the things <em>we</em> know, -and stuffs up their eyes and ears. Daddy called it -the cotton-wool of age, you know. Oh, Uncle, I -do hope,’ she cried with the sudden passion of the -child, ‘I <em>do</em> hope I shall never, never get into that -horrid fog. <em>You</em> haven’t, and I won’t, won’t, -won’t!’ Her voice rose to a genuine cry. Then -she added with a touch of child-wonder that followed -quite naturally upon the outburst, ‘How did you -ever stop yourself, I wonder!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I lived with the fairies in the backwoods,’ he -answered, laughing softly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She stared at him with complete admiration in -her blue eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I shall grow up ’xactly like you,’ she said, -‘so that I can always get out of the cage just as you -do, even if my body is big.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Every one’s thin somewhere,’ Paul said, remembering -her own explanation. ‘And the Crack -into Yesterday and To-morrow is always close by -when it’s wanted. That’s the real way of escape.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She clapped her hands and danced, shaking her -hair out in a cloud and laughing with happiness. -Paul took her in his arms and kissed her. With a -gesture of exquisite dignity, such as animals show -when they resent human interference, the child -tumbled back into her chair by the table, an -<span class='pageno' id='Page_218'>218</span>expression of polite boredom—though the faintest -imaginable—in her eyes. Many a time had he seen -the kittens behave exactly in the same way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But how do you know all these things, Nixie, -and where do all your ideas come from?’ he asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They just come to me when I’m thinking of -nothing in particular. They float into my head of -their own accord like ships, little fairy ships, I -suppose. And I think,’ she added dreamily after a -moment’s pause, ‘some of them are trees and flowers -whispering to me.’ She put her face close to his -own across the table, staring into his very brain with -her shining eyes. ‘Don’t you think so too, Uncle?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think I do,’ he answered honestly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Though some of the things I hear,’ she went on, -‘I don’t understand till a long time afterwards.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What kind of things, for instance?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She hesitated, answering slowly after a pause:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Things like streams, and the dripping of rain, -and the rustling of wet leaves, perhaps. At the time -I only hear the noise they make, but afterwards, when -I’m alone, doing nothing, it all falls into words and -stories—all sorts of lovely things, but <em>very</em> hard to -remember, of course.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She broke off and smiled up into his face with a -charm that he could never have put into words.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You’ll grow up a poet, Nixie,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Shall I <em>really</em>? But I could never find the -rhymes—simply never.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span>‘Some never do,’ he answered; ‘and some—the -majority, I think—never find the words even!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, how dreadful!’ she exclaimed, her face -clouding with a pain she could fully understand. -‘Poets who can’t talk at all. I should think they -would burst.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Some of them nearly do,’ he exclaimed, hiding a -smile; ‘they get very queer indeed, these poor poets -who cannot express themselves. I have known one -or two.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Have you? Oh, Uncle Paul!’ Her tone -expressed all the solemn sympathy the world could -hold.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He nodded his head mysteriously.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child suddenly sat up very erect. An idea of -importance had come into her head.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I wonder if Pouf and Smoke, and Zezette -and Mrs. Tompkyns are like that,’ she cried, her face -grave as a hanging judge—‘poets who can’t express -themselves, and may burst and get queer! Because -they understand all that sort of thing—scuttling -leaves and dew falling, and tickling grasses and the -dreams of beeties, and things we never hear at all. -P’raps that’s why they lie and listen and think for -such ages and ages. I never thought of that -before.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s quite likely,’ he replied with equal solemnity.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie sprang to her feet and flew round the room -from chair to chair, hugging in turn each kitten, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span>asking it with a passionate earnestness that was very -disturbing to its immediate comfort in life: ‘Tell -me, Pouf, Smoke, Sambo, this instant! Are you all -furry little poets who can’t tell all your little furry -poems? Are you, <em>are you</em>, <span class='fss'>ARE YOU</span>?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She kissed each one in turn. ‘Are you going to -burst and get queer?’ She shook them all till, -mightily offended, they left their thrones and took -cover sedately under tables and sofas well out of -reach of this intimate and public cross-examination. -And there they sat, looking straight before them, as -though no one else existed in the entire world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I believe they are, Uncle.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>A silence fell between them. Under the furniture, -safe in their dark corners, the cats began to purr -again. Paul got up and strolled to the open window -that looked out across lawns and shrubberies to the -fringe of oaks and elms that marked the distant -hayfields. The rain still fell gently, silently—a fine, -scented, melancholy rain; the rain of a minor key. -Tinged with a hundred delicate odours from fields -and trees—ghostly perfumes far more subtle than -the perfumes of flowers—the air seemed to brush the -surface of his soul, dropping its fragrance down into his -heart like the close presence of remembered friends.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The evening mode invaded him softly, soothingly; -and out of it, in some way he scarcely understood, -crept something that brought a vague disquiet in its -train. A little timid thought stole to the threshold -<span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span>of his heart and knocked gently upon the door of -its very inmost chamber. And the sound of the -knocking, faint and muffled though it was, woke -echoes in this secret chamber that proclaimed in a -tone of reproach, if not almost of warning, that -it was still empty and unfurnished. A deep, infinite -yearning, and a yearning that was <em>new</em>, stirred within -him, then suddenly rose to the surface of his mind -like a voice calling to him from far away out of -mist and darkness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘If only I had children of my own...!’ it -called; and the echo whispered afterwards ‘of my -very own, made out of my very thoughts...!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He turned to Nixie who had followed, and now -leaned beside him on the window-sill.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So the language of wind and trees and water -you translate afterwards into stories, do you?’ he -asked, taking up the conversation where they had -left it. It was hardly a question; he was musing -aloud as he gazed out into the mists that gathered -with the dusk. ‘It’s all silent enough now, at -any rate there’s not a breath of air moving. The -trees are dreaming—dreaming perhaps of the Dance -of the Winds, or of the love-making of the snow -when their leaves are gone and the flakes settle softly -on the bare twigs; or perhaps dreaming of the -humming of the sap that brings their new clothes -with such a rush of glory and wonder in the -spring——’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span>Again the child looked up into his face with -shining eyes. The magic of her little treasured -beliefs had touched the depths of him, and she -felt that they were in the same world together, -without pretence and without the barriers of age. -She was radiantly happy, and rather wonderful into -the bargain, a fairy if ever there was one.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re just thinking,’ she said softly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So trees think too?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She nodded her head, leaning her chin on her -hands as she gazed with him into the misty air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I wonder what their thoughts are like,’ he -said musingly, so that she could take it for a question -or not as she chose.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Like ours—in a way,’ she answered, as though -speaking of something she knew beyond all question, -‘only not so small, not so sharp. Our thoughts -prick, I think, but theirs stroke, all running quite -smoothly into each other. Very big and wonderful indeed -thoughts—big as wind, I mean, and wonderful -as sky or distance. And the streams—the streams -have long, winding thoughts that run down their -whole length under water——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And the trees, you were saying,’ he said, seeing -that her thought was wandering.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, the trees,’ she repeated, ‘oh! yes, the -trees are different a little, I think. A wood, you -see, may have one big huge thought all at once——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘All at once!’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span>‘I mean all at the same time, every tree thinking -the same thought for miles. Because, if you lie in -a wood, and don’t think yourself, but just wait and -wait and wait, you gradgilly get its great thought -and know what it’s thinking about exactly. You -feel it all over instead of—of——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Instead of getting a single little sharp picture -in your mind,’ Paul helped her, grasping the wonder -of her mystical idea.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think that’s what I mean,’ she went on. ‘And -it’s exactly the same with everything else—the sea, -and the fields, and the sky—oh! and everything in -the whole world.’ She made a sweeping gesture -with her arm to indicate the universe.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, Nixie child!’ he cried, with a sudden -enthusiasm pouring over him from the strange -region where she had unknowingly led him, ‘if only -I could take you out to the big woods I know -across the sea, where the trees stretch for hundreds -of miles, and the moss is everywhere a foot thick, -and the whole forest is such a conspiracy of wonder -and beauty that it catches your heart away and -makes you breathless with delight! Oh, my child, -if only you could hear the thoughts and stories of -woods like that—woods untouched since the beginning -of the world——!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Take me! Take me! Uncle Paul, oh! take -me!’ she cried as though it were possible to start -next day. ‘These woods are such <em>little</em> woods, and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span>I know all their stories.’ She danced round him -with a wild and eager delight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Such stories, yes, such stories,’ Paul continued, -his face shining almost as much as hers as he -thought of his mighty and beloved forests.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Please tell me, take me, tell me!’ she cried. -‘All, all, all! Quick!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I can’t. I never understood them properly; -only the old Indians know them now,’ he said sadly, -leaning out of the window again with her. ‘They -are tales that few people in this part of the world -could understand; in a language old as the wind, -too, and nearly forgotten. You see, the trees are -different there. They stand in thousands—pine, hemlock, -spruce, and cedar—mighty, very tall, very straight, -very dark, pouring day and night their great balsam -perfumes into the air so that their stories and their -thoughts are sweet as incense and very mysterious.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie took the lapels of his coat in her hands -and stared up into his face as though her eyes would -pop out. She looked <em>through</em> his eyes. She saw -these very woods he was speaking of standing in -dim shadows behind him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No one ever comes to disturb their lives, and -few of them have ever heard the ringing of the -axe. Only giant moose and caribou steal silently -beneath their shade, and Indians, dark and soft-footed -as things of their own world, make camp-fires -among their roots. They know nothing of men -<span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span>and cities and trains, and the wind that sings through -their branches is a wind that has never tasted -chimney-pots, and hot crowds, and pretty, fancy -gardens. It is a wind that flies five hundred miles -without taking breath, with nothing to stop its -flight but feathery tree-tops, brushing the heavens, -and clean mountain ridges thrusting great shoulders -to the stars. Their thoughts and stories are difficult -to understand, but <em>you</em> might understand them, -I think, for the life of the elements is strong in your -veins, you fairy daughter of wind and water. And -some day, when you are stronger in body—not older -though, mind, not older—I shall take you out there -so that you may be able to learn their wonder and -interpret it to all the world.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The words tore through him in such curious, -impersonal fashion, that he hardly realised he was -giving utterance to a longing that had once been -his own, and that he was now seeking to realise -vicariously in the person of this little poet-girl beside -him. He stroked her hair as she nestled up to -him, breathing hard, her eyes glistening like stars, -speechless with the torrent of wonder with which -her big uncle had enveloped her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Some day,’ she murmured presently, ‘some day, -remember. You promise?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I promise.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And—and will you write that all out for me, -please?’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span>‘All what?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘About the too-big woods and the too-old -language and the winds that fly without stopping, -and the stories——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, oh!’ he laughed; ‘that’s another matter!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes, oh you must, Uncle! Make a story of -it—an aventure. Write it out as a verywonerfulindeedaventure, -and put you and me in it!’ She -forgot the touch of sadness and clapped her hands -with delight. ‘And then read it out at a Meeting, -don’t you see?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And in the end Paul promised that too, making -a great fuss about it, but in his heart secretly pleased -and happy.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ll try,’ he said, with portentous gravity.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child stared up at him with the sure knowledge -in her eyes that between them they held the -key to all that was really worth knowing.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He stooped to kiss her hair, but before he could -do so, with a laugh and a dancing step he scarcely -heard, she was gone from his side and half-way -down the passage, so that he kissed the empty air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Bless her mighty little heart!’ he exclaimed, -straightening himself up again. ‘Was there ever -such a teacher in the world before?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He became aware that the world held powers, -gentle yet immense, that were urging him in directions -hitherto undreamed of. With such a fairy guide -he might find—he was already finding—not merely -<span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>safety-valves of expression, but an outlet into the -bargain for his creative imagination.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And a little child shall lead them,’ he murmured -in his beard, as he went slowly down the passage -to his room to dress for dinner. Again he felt like -singing.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others</div> - <div class='line'>only a green thing standing in the way.—W.B.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Thus, gradually, the grey house under the hills -changed into a palace; the garden stretched to -include the stars; and Paul, the retired Wood -Cruiser, walked in a world all new and brilliant. -For to find the means of self-expression is to -build the foundations of spiritual health, and an -ideal companionship, unvexed by limitations of -sense, holds potentialities that can change earth -into heaven. His accumulated stores of imagination -found wings, and he wrote a series of Aventures -that delighted his audience while they healed -his own soul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I wish they’d go on for ever and ever,’ observed -Toby solemnly to her brother. ‘Perhaps they do -really, only——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course they do,’ Jonah said decisively, ‘but -Uncle Paul only tells bits of them to us—bits that -<em>you</em> can understand.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Toby was too much in earnest to notice the -masculine scorn.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>‘He does know a lot, doesn’t he?’ she said. -‘Do you think he sees up into heaven? They’re -not a bit like made-up aventures.’ She paused, -deeply puzzled; very grave indeed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘He’s a man, of course,’ replied Jonah. ‘Men -know big things like that.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The Aventures are true,’ Nixie put in gently. -‘That’s why they’re so big, and go on for ever and -ever.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s jolly when he puts us in them too, isn’t -it?’ said Jonah, forgetting the masculine pose in -his interest. ‘He puts me in most,’ the boy added -proudly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But <em>I</em> do the funniest things,’ declared Toby, -slightly aggrieved. ‘It was me that rode on the -moose over the tree-tops to the North Pole, and -understood all it said——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s nothing,’ cried her brother, making a -huge blot across his copy-book. ‘He had to get -me to turn on the roarer boryalis.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie’s always leader, anyhow,’ replied the child, -losing herself for a moment in the delight of that -tremendous blot. She often borrowed Nixie in this -way to obliterate Jonah when her own strength was -insufficient.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course she is,’ was the manly verdict. ‘She -knows all those things almost as well as Uncle Paul. -Don’t you, Nixie?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But Nixie was too busy cleaning up his blot with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span>bits of torn blotting-paper to reply, and the arrival -of Mlle. Fleury put an end to the discussion for -the moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Paul himself, as the big child leading the -littler children, or following their guidance when -such guidance was clear, accepted his new duties -with a happy heart. His friendship with them all -grew delightfully, but especially, of course, his -friendship with Nixie. This elemental child slipped -into his life everywhere, into his play, as into his -work; she assumed the right to look after him; -with charming gravity she positively mothered him; -and Paul, whose life hitherto had known little -enough of such sympathy and care, simply loved it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>If her native poesy won his imagination, her -practical interest in his welfare and comfort equally -won his heart. The way she ferreted about in his -room and study, so serious, so thoughtful, attending -to so many little details that no one else ever thought -of,—all this came into his life with a seductive charm -as of something entirely new and strange to him. It -was Nixie who always saw to it that his ink-pot was -full and his quill pens trimmed; that flowers had no -time to fade upon his table; and that matches for -his pipes never failed in the glass match-stands. He -used up matches, it seemed, almost by the handful.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You’re far worse than Daddy used to be,’ she -reproved him. ‘I believe you eat them.’ And -when he assured her that he did nothing of the sort, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span>she only shook her head darkly, and said she -couldn’t understand then what he did with them -all.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A hundred services of love and kindness she did -for him that no one else would have thought of. -On his mantelpiece she put mysterious little bottles -of medicine.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘For nettle-stings and scratches,’ she explained. -‘Your poor hands are always covered with them -both when you’ve been out with us.’ And it was -she, too, who bound up his fingers when wounds -were more serious, and saw to it that he had a clean -rag each day till the sore was healed. She put the -new red riband on his straw hat after it fell (himself -with it) into the Gull Pond; and one service -especially that earned her his eternal respect was to -fasten his evening black tie for dinner. This she did -every night for him. Such tasks were for magical -fingers only. He had never yet compassed it himself. -He would run to the nursery to say good-night, and -Nixie, looking almost unreal and changeling in her -white nightgown, with her yellow hair top-knotted -quaintly for sleep, would deftly trim and arrange the -strip of satin that he never could manage properly -himself. It was a regular little ritual, Toby watching -eagerly from the bed across the room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Uncle -Paul,’ she said another time, holding up a mysterious -garment, ‘I never saw such holes—never!’ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>And then she darned the said socks with results -that were picturesque if not always entirely satisfactory. -And once she sewed the toes so tightly -across with her darning that he could not get his -foot into them. She allowed no one else to touch -them, however. Little the child guessed that while -she patched his clothes, she wove his life afresh at -the same time.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And with all the children he took Dick’s place -more and more. His existence widened, filled up; -he felt in touch with real things as of old in the -woods; the children replaced the trees.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But it was Nixie in particular who crept close to -his unsatisfied heart and tied him to her inner life -with the gossamer threads of her sand-coloured hair. -This elfin little being, with her imagination and -tenderness, brought to him something he had never -known before, never dreamed of even; a perfect -companionship; a companionship utterly unclouded.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the other children understood it; there was -no jealousy; it was not felt by them as favouritism. -Natural and right it seemed, and was.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You must ask Nixie,’ Jonah would say in reply -to any question concerning his uncle’s welfare or -habits. ‘She’s his little mother, you know.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, truth to tell, they were born, these two, in -the same corner of the world of fantasy, bred under -the same stars, and fathered by the same elemental -forces. But for the trick of the years and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span>accident of blood, they seemed made for one another -ideally, eternally.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Things he could speak of to no one else found in -her a natural and easy listener. To grown-ups he -had never been able to talk about his mystic longings; -the very way they listened made such things -instantly seem foolish. But Nixie understood in her -child-way, not because she was sympathetic, but -because she was <em>in and of</em> them. He was merely -talking the language of her own world. He no -longer felt ashamed to ‘think aloud.’ Most people -were in pursuit of such stupid, clumsy things—fame, -money, and other complicated and ugly things—but -this child seemed to understand that he cared -about Realities only; for, in her own simple way, -this was what she cared about too.</p> - -<p class='c011'>To talk with her cleared his own mind, too, in a -way it had never been cleared before. He came to -understand himself better, and in so doing swept -away a great deal of accumulated rubbish; for he -found that when his thought was too confused to -make clear to her, it was usually false, wrong—not -real.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I can’t make that out,’ she would say, with a -troubled face. ‘I suppose, I’m not old enough yet.’ -And afterwards Paul would realise that it was himself -who was at fault, not the child. Her instinct -was unerring; whereas he, with those years of -solitude behind him, sometimes lost himself in a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span>region where imagination, self-devouring, ran the -risk of becoming untrue, possibly morbid. Her -wholesome little judgments brought sanity and -laughter.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, like other mystical temperaments, what he -sought, presumably, was escape from himself, yet -not—and herein he differed healthily from most of -his kidney—so much from his Real Inner Self, as -from its outer pettiness and limitations. True, he -sought union with something larger and more -perfect, and in so far was a mystic; but this larger -‘something,’ he dimly understood, was the star of -his own soul not yet emancipated, and in so far he -remained a man of action. His was the true, wholesome -mysticism; hysteria was not—as with most—its -chief ingredient. Moreover, this other, eternal -part of him touched Eternity. To be identified -with it meant to be identified with God, but never -for one instant to lose his own individuality.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And to express himself through the creative -imagination, to lose his own smallness by interpreting -beauty, he had always felt must be a half-way -house to the end in view. His inability, therefore, -to find such means of expression had always -meant something incalculably grave, something that -hindered growth. But now this child Nixie, in -some extraordinary yet utterly simple fashion, had -come to show him the way. It was wonderful past -finding out. He hardly knew himself how it had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span>come about. Yet, there she was, ever by his side, -pointing to ways that led him out into expression.</p> - -<p class='c011'>No woman could have done it. His two longings, -he came to realise, were actually one: the -desire to express his yearnings grew out of the -desire to find God.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And so it was that the thought of her growing -up was horrid to him. He could not bear to think -of her as a ‘young woman’ moving in a modern -world where she would lose all touch with the -elemental forces of vision and simplicity whence -she drew half her grace and wonder. Already for -him, in some mystical fashion of spiritual alchemy, -she had become the eternal feminine, exquisitely -focused in the little child. With the advance of -years this must inevitably pass from her, as she -increased the distance from her source of inspiration.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie, you must promise never to grow up,’ he -would say, laughing.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Because Aventures stop then, don’t they?’ she -asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Partly that,’ he answered.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And I should get tired, like mother; or stupid, -like the head gardener,’ she added. ‘I know. But -I don’t think I ever shall, somehow. I think I am -meant to be always like this.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The serious way she said this last phrase escaped -him at the time. He remembered it afterwards, -however.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>It was so delightful, too, to read out his stories -and aventures to her; they laughed over them, -and her criticisms often improved them vastly. He -even read her his first poem without shyness, and -they discussed each verse and talked about ‘stealing -Heaven’s fire,’ and the poor ‘sparks’ that never -grew into flames. The ‘kiss of fire’ she thought -must be wonderful. She also asked what a ‘lyre’ -was. They made up other verses together too. But -though they laughed and she asked odd questions, -on the whole she grasped the sadness of the poem -perfectly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Let’s go and cry a bit somewhere,’ she remarked -quietly, her eyes very wistful. ‘It helps it out -awfully, you know.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He reminded her, however, of a sage remark of -Toby’s, to the effect that when men grew beards -they lost the power to cry. Quick as a flash, then, -she turned with one of her exquisite little bits of -unconscious poetry.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Let’s go to the Gwyle then, and make the stream -cry for us instead,’ she said gravely, with a profound -sympathy, ‘because everybody’s tears must get into the -water some time—and so to the sea, mustn’t they?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And on their way, what with jumping ditches -and flower-beds, they forgot all about the crying. -On the edge of the woods, however, she raced up -again to his side, her blue eyes full of a new wonder. -‘I know that wind of inspiration that your poetry -<span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span>said never blew for you,’ she cried. ‘I know where -it blows. Quick! I’ll show you!’ The pace -made him pant a bit; he almost regretted he had -mentioned it. ‘I know where it blows, we’ll catch -it, and you shall see. Then you can always, always -get it when you want it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And a little farther on, after wading through -deep bracken, they stopped, and Nixie took his hand. -‘Come on tiptoe now,’ she whispered -mysteriously. ‘Don’t crack the twigs with your -feet.’ And, smiling at this counsel of perfection, he -obeyed to the best of his ability, while she pretended -not to notice the series of explosions that followed -his tread.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a curve in the skirts of the wood where -they found themselves; a small inlet where the tide -of daylight flowed against the dark cliffs of the -firs, and then fell back. The thick trees held it at -bay so that only the spray of light penetrated -beyond, as from advancing waves. ‘Thus far and -no farther,’ very plainly said the pine trees, and the -sunshine lay there collected in the little hollow with -the delicious heat of all the summer. It was a corner -hitherto undiscovered by Paul; he saw it with the -pleasure of a discovery.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And there, set brightly against the sombre background, -stood the slender figure of a silver birch -tree, all sweet and shining, its branches sifting the -sunshine and the wind; while behind it, standing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span>forth somewhat from the main body of the wood, -a pine, shaggy and formidable, grew close as though -to guard it. The picture, with its striking contrast, -needed no imagination to make it more appealing. -It was patent to any eye.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s <em>my</em> tree,’ said Nixie softly, with both -arms linked about his elbow and her cheek laid -against the sleeve of his coat. ‘My fav’rite tree. -And that’s where your winds of inspiration blow that -you said you couldn’t catch. So now you can always -come and hear them, you see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul entered instantly into the spirit of her dream. -The way her child’s imagination seized upon inanimate -objects and incorporated them into the -substance of her own life delighted him, for it was -also his own way, and he understood it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then that old pine,’ he answered, pointing to -the other, ‘is my tree. See! It’s come out of the -wood to protect the little birch.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child ran from his side and stood close to -them. ‘Yes, and don’t you see,’ she cried, her -eyes popping with excitement, ‘this is me, and that’s -you!’ She patted the two trunks, first the birch -and then the pine. ‘It’s us! I never thought of -that before, never! It’s you looking after me and -taking care of me, and me dancing and laughing -round you all the time!’ She ran back to his side -and hopped up to plant a kiss in his beard. He -quite forgot to correct her a’venturous grammar.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_239'>239</span>‘Of course,’ he cried, ‘so it is. Look! The -branches touch too. Your little leaves run up -among my old needles!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie clapped her hands and ran to and fro, -laughing and talking, on errands of further discovery, -while Paul sat down to watch the scene and think -his own thoughts. It was just the picture to appeal -strongly to him. At any time the beauty of the -tree would have seized him, but with no one else -could he have enjoyed it in the same way, or spoken -of his enjoyment. While Nixie flitted here and -there in the sunshine, the little birch behind her -bent down and then released itself with a graceful -rush of branches as the pressure of the wind passed. -Against the blue sky she tossed her leafy hands; -then, with a passing shiver, stood still.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I wonder,’ ran his thought, ‘why poets need -invent Dryads when such an incomparable revelation -lies plain in one of the commonest of trees like -this?’ And, at the same moment, he saw Nixie dart -past between the fir trees and the birch, as though -the very Dryad he was slighting had slipped out to -chide him. Her hair spread in the sunshine like -leaves. In the world of trees here, surely, was the -very essence of what is feminine caught and imprisoned. -Whatever of grace and wonder emanate -from the face and figure of a young girl to enchant -and bewitch here found expression in the silver stem -and branches, in the running limbs so slender, in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_240'>240</span>twigs that bent with their cataracts of flying hair. -Seen against the dark pine-wood, this little birch tree -laughed and danced; over that silver skin ran, -positively, smiles; from the facets of those dainty -leaves twinkled mischief and the joys of innocence. -Here, in a word, was Nixie herself in the terms of -tree-dom; and, as he watched, the wind swept out -the branches towards him in a cluster of rustling -leaves,—and at the same instant Nixie shot laughing -to his side.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For a second he hardly knew whether it was the -child or the silver birch that nestled down beside -him and began to murmur in his ear.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is it, you see,’ she was saying; ‘and -there’s your wind of inspiration blowing now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We shall have to alter the first verse then,’ he -said gravely:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>‘The winds of inspiration blow,</div> - <div class='line'>Yet <em>never</em> pass me by.’</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course, of course,’ she whispered, listening -half to her uncle, half to the rustle in the branches. -‘And now,’ she added presently, ‘you can always -come and write your poetry here, and it will be very-wonderfulindeed -poetry, you see. And if you -leave a bit of paper on the tree you’ll find it in the -morning covered with all sorts of things in very fine -writing—oh, but <em>very very</em> fine writing, so small -that no one can see it except you and me. One of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_241'>241</span>the Little Winds we saw, you know, will twine -round it and leave marks. And the big pine is you -and the birch is me, isn’t it?’ she ended with -sudden conviction.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The game, of course, was after her own heart. Up -she sprang then suddenly again, picked a spray of -leaves from a hanging branch, and brought it back -to him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And here’s a bit of me for a present, so that -you can’t ever forget,’ she said with a gravity that -held no smile. And she fastened it with much -tugging and arranging in his buttonhole. ‘A bit of -my tree, and so of me.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I might leave a bit of paper in the water -too,’ he remarked slyly on their way home, ‘so as to -get the thoughts of the stream.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Easily,’ she said, ‘only it must be wrapped up -in something. I’ll get Jonah’s sponge-bag and lend -it you. Only you must promise faithfully to return -it in case we go to the seaside in the summer.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And perhaps some of those tears we were talking -about will stick on it and leave their marks before -they go on to the sea,’ he suggested.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, but they’d be too sad,’ she answered -quickly. ‘They’re much better lost in the sea, -aren’t they?’</p> - -<hr class='c014'> - -<p class='c011'>Thus the poetry in his soul that he could not -utter, he lived.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_242'>242</span>Without any conscious effort of the imagination, -the instant Nixie, or the thought of her, stood beside -him—lo, he was in Fairyland. It was so real that it -was positively bewildering.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the rest of that quiet household, without -knowing it, contributed to its reality. For, to begin -with, the place was delightfully ‘out of the world’; -and, after that, the gradations between the two -regions seemed so easy and natural: the shadowy -personality of his sister; the dainty little French -governess flitting everywhere with her plaintive -voice in the wake of the elusive children; then the -children themselves—Jonah, the mischievous; Toby -with her shining face of onion skin; and, last of all, -the host of tumbling animals, the mysterious cats, -the kittens, all fluff and wonder; and the whole of -it set amid the scenery of flowers, hills, and sea. It -was impossible to tell exactly where the actual -threshold lay, this shifting, fluid threshold dividing -the two worlds; but there can be no question that -Paul passed it day by day without the least difficulty, -and that it was Nixie who knew all the quickest -short-cuts.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And to all who—since childhood—have lived in -Fairyland and tasted of its sweet innocence and -loveliness, comes sooner or later the desire to transfer -something of these qualities to the outer world. -Paul felt this more and more as the days passed. -The wish to beautify the lives of others grew in him -<span class='pageno' id='Page_243'>243</span>with a sudden completeness that proved it to have -been there latent all the time. Through the voices -of Nixie, Jonah, and Toby, as it were, he heard the -voices—those myriad, faint, unhappy voices—of the -world’s neglected children a-calling to him: ‘Tell -us the Aventures too!’—‘Take us with you through -that Crack!’—‘Show us the Wind, and let us climb -with you the Scaffolding of Night.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Paul, listening in his deep heart, began to -understand that Nixie’s education of himself was but -a beginning: all unconsciously that elfin child was -surely becoming also his inspiration. This first -lesson in self-expression she had taught him was like -the trickle that would lead to the bursting of the -dam. The waters of his enthusiasms would presently -pour out with the rush of genuine power behind -them. What he had to say, do, and live—all forms -of self-expression—were to find a larger field of usefulness -than the mere gratification of his personal -sense of beauty.</p> - -<p class='c011'>As yet, however, the thought only played dimly -to and fro at the back of his mind, seeking a way of -escape. The greater outlet could not come all at -once. The germ of the desire lay there in secret -development, but the thing he should do had not -yet appeared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>So, for the time being, he continued to live in -Fairyland and write Aventures.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was really incalculable the effect of enchantment -<span class='pageno' id='Page_244'>244</span>this little yellow-haired girl cast upon him—hard to -believe, hard to realise. So true, so exquisite was it, -however, that he almost came to forget her age, and -that she was actually but a child. To him she -seemed more and more an intimate companion of -the soul who had existed always, and that both he -and she were ageless. It was their souls that played, -talked, caressed, not merely their minds or bodies. -In her flower-like little figure dwelt assuredly -an old and ripened soul; one, too, it seemed to him -sometimes, that hardly belonged to this world -at all.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was that about their relationship which -made it eternal—it always had been somewhere, -it always would be—somewhere. No confinings -of flesh, no limitations of mind and sense, -no conditions of mere time and space, could lay -their burden upon it for long. It belonged most -sweetly to the real things which are conditionless.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Moreover, one of the chief effects of the world -of Faery, experts say, is that Time is done away -with; emotions are inexhaustible and last for ever, -continually renewing themselves; the Fairies dance -for years instead of only for a night; their minds -and bodies grow not old; their desires, and the -objects of their desires, pass not away.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So, unquestionably,’ said Paul to himself from -time to time as he reflected upon the situation, ‘I -am bewitched. I must see what there is that I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_245'>245</span>can do in the matter to protect myself from further -depredations!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet all he did immediately, so far as can be -ascertained among the sources of this veracious -history, was to collect the ‘Aventures’ already -written and journey with them one fine day to -London, where he had an interview of some length -with a publisher—Dick’s publisher. The result, -at any rate, was—the records prove it—that some -time afterwards he received a letter in which it -was plainly stated that ‘the success of such a book -is hard to predict, but it has qualities, both literary -and imaginative, which entitle it to a hearing’; and -thus that in due course the said ‘Adventures of a -Prisoner in Fairyland’ appeared upon the book-stalls. -For the publishers, being the foremost in -the land, took the high view that seemed almost -independent of mercenary calculations; and it is -interesting to note that the years justified their -judgment, and that the ‘Adventures’ may now be -found upon the table of every house in England -where there dwells a true child, be that child seven -or seventy.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And any profits that Paul collected from the sale -went, not into his own pocket, but were put aside, -as the sequel shall show, for a secret purpose that -lay hidden at this particular stage of the story among -the very roots of his heart and being.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_246'>246</span>The summer, meanwhile, passed quickly away, -and August melted into September, finding him -still undecided about his return to America.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For the rest, there was no hurry. There was -another six months in which to make up his mind. -Meanwhile, also, he made frequent use of the -‘Crack,’ and the changes in his soul went rapidly -forward.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_247'>247</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XIX</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>There was a Being whom my spirit oft</div> - <div class='line'>Met on its visioned wanderings, far aloft,</div> - <div class='line'>In the clear golden prime of my youth’s dawn,</div> - <div class='line'>Upon the fairy isles of sunny lawn,</div> - <div class='line'>Amid the enchanted mountains, and the caves</div> - <div class='line'>Of divine sleep, and on the air-like waves</div> - <div class='line'>Of wonder-level dream, whose tremulous floor</div> - <div class='line'>Paved her light steps;—on an imagined shore</div> - <div class='line'>Under the grey beak of some promontory</div> - <div class='line'>She met me, robed in such exceeding glory,</div> - <div class='line'>That I beheld her not</div> - <div class='line in27'><em>Epipsychidion</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>One afternoon in late September he made his way -alone across the hills. Clouds blew thinly over a -sky of watery blue, driven by an idle wind the roses -had left behind. It seemed a day strayed from out -the summer that now found itself, thrilled and a -little confused, in the path of autumn—and summer -had sent forth this soft wind to bring it back to -the fold.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The ‘Crack’ was always near at hand on such a -day, and Paul slipped in without the least difficulty. -He found himself in a valley of the Blue Mountains -hitherto unknown, and, so wandering, came presently -<span class='pageno' id='Page_248'>248</span>to a bend of the river where the sand stretched -smooth and inviting.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For a moment he stopped to watch the slanting -waves and listen, when to his sudden amazement he -saw upon the shore, half concealed by the reeds near -the bank—a human figure. A second glance showed -him that it was the figure of a young girl, lying -there in the sun, her bare feet just beyond reach of -the waves, and her yellow hair strewn about the face -so as to screen it almost entirely from view. A -white dress covered her body; she was slim, he saw, -as a child. She was asleep.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul stood and stared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Shall I wake her?’ was his first thought. But -his second thought was truer: ‘Can I help waking -her?’ And then a third came to him, subtle and -inexplicable, yet scarcely shaping itself in actual -language: ‘Is she after all <em>a stranger</em>?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Flying memories, half-formed, half-caught, ran -curiously through his brain. What was it in the -turn of the slender neck, in the lines of the little -mouth, just visible where he stood, that seemed -familiar? Did he not detect upon that graceful -figure lying motionless in repose some indefinable -signature that recalled his outer life? Or was it -merely that fancy played tricks, and that he reconstructed -a composite picture from the galleries of -memory, with the myriad expression and fugitive -magic of dream or picture—ideal figures he had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_249'>249</span>conjured with in the past and set alive in some inner -frame of his deepest thoughts? He was conscious -of a delicious bewilderment. A singular emotion -stirred in his heart. Yet the face and figure he -sought utterly evaded him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, the first sharp instinct to turn aside passed. -He accepted the adventure. Stooping down for a -stone, he flung it with a noisy splash into the river. -The girl opened her eyes, threw her hair back in a -cloud, and sat up.</p> - -<p class='c011'>At once a wave of invincible shyness descended -upon Paul, rendering words or action impossible; -he felt ridiculously embarrassed, and sought hurriedly -in his mind for ways of escape. But, before any -feasible plan for undoing what was already done -suggested itself, he became aware of a very singular -thing—the face of the girl was covered! He -could not see it clearly. Something, veil-like and -misty, hung before it so that his eyes could not -focus properly upon the features. The recognition -he had half anticipated, therefore, did not -come.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And this helped to restore his composure. It -was, in any case, futile to pretend he did not see her. -For one thing, he realised that she was staring at him -just as hard as he was staring at her. The very -next instant she rose and came across the hot sand -towards him, her hair flying loose, and both hands -outstretched by way of greeting. Again, the half-recognition -<span class='pageno' id='Page_250'>250</span>that refused to complete itself swept -confusingly over him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But this spontaneous and unexpected action had -an immediate effect upon him of another kind. His -embarrassment vanished. What she did seemed -altogether right and natural, and the beauty of the -girl drove all minor emotions from his mind. His -whole being rose in a wave of unaffected delight, -and almost before he was aware of it, he had stepped -forward and caught both her hands in his own.</p> - -<p class='c011'>This strange golden happiness at first troubled -his speech.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But surely I know you!’ he cried. ‘If only I -could see your face——!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You ought to know me,’ she replied at once -with a laugh as of old acquaintance, ‘for you have -called for me often enough, I’m sure!’ Her voice -was soft; curiously familiar accents rang in it; yet, -as with the face, he knew not whose it was.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She looked up at him, and though he could not -make out the features, he discerned the expression -they wore—an expression of peace and confidence. -The girl trusted him delightfully.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then what hides you from me?’ he insisted.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She answered him so low that he hardly caught -the words. Certainly, at the moment he did not -understand them, for happiness still confused him. -‘The body,’ she murmured; ‘the veil of the body.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She returned the firm and equal pressure of his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_251'>251</span>hands, and allowed him to draw her close. Their -faces approached, and he looked searchingly down -upon her, trying to pierce the veil in vain. The hot -sunshine fell in a blaze upon their uncovered heads. -The next moment the girl raised her lips to his, -and almost before he knew it they had kissed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet that kiss seemed the most natural thing in -the world; at a stroke it killed the last vestige of -shyness. Youth ran in his veins like fire.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now, tell me exactly who you are, please,’ he -cried, standing back a little for an inspection, but -still holding her hands. They swung out at arm’s -length like children.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think first you should tell me who you are,’ -she laughed. ‘I want to be a mystery a little longer. -It’s so much more interesting!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Leaning backwards with her hair tumbling down -her neck, she looked at him out of eyes that he half -imagined, half knew. Laughter and gentleness -played over her like sunlight. Standing there, -framed against the reeds of the river bank, with the -blue waters behind and the wind and sky about her -head, Paul thought that never till this moment had he -understood the whole magic of a woman’s beauty. -Yet at the same time he somehow divined that she -was as much child as woman, and that something of -eternal youthfulness mingled exquisitely with her -suggestion of maturity.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course,’ he laughed in return, like a boy in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_252'>252</span>mid-mischief, ‘that’s your privilege, isn’t it? My -name, then, is——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>But there he stuck fast. It seemed so foolish to -give the name he owned in that other tinsel world; -it was merely a disguise like a frock-coat or evening -dress, or the absurd uniform he had once assumed to -deceive the children with. He almost felt ashamed -of the name he was known by in that world!</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well?’ she asked slyly, ‘and have you forgotten -it quite?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m the <em>Man who saw the Wind</em>, for one thing,’ -he said at length; ‘and, after that, well—I suppose -I’m the man who’s been looking for you without -knowing it all his life! Now do you know me?’ he -concluded triumphantly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You foolish creature! Of course <em>I</em> know you!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She came closer; the sunshine and the odour of -the flowers seemed to come with her. ‘It’s <em>you</em> who -couldn’t find <em>me</em>! I’ve been waiting for you to -claim me ever since—either of us can remember.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>A queer, faint rush of memory rose upon him -from the depths—and was gone. For an instant it -seemed that her face half cleared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then, in the name of beauty,’ he cried, starting -forward, ‘why can’t I see your face and eyes? Why -do I only see you partly——?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She hesitated an instant and drew back; she -lowered her eyes—he felt that—and the voice -dropped very low again as she answered:</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_253'>253</span>‘Because, as yet, you only know me—partly.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘As through a glass, darkly, you mean?’ he said, -half grave, half laughing.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The girl took both his hands and pressed them -silently for a moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘When you know me as I know you,’ she -whispered softly, ‘then—we shall know one another—see -one another—face to face. But even now, -in these few minutes, you have come to know me -better than you ever did before. And that is -something, isn’t it?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She moved quite close, passing her hands down -his bronzed cheeks and shaking his head playfully -as one might do to a loved child.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You take my breath away!’ gasped the -delighted man, too bewildered in his new happiness -to let the strangeness of her words perplex him -long. ‘But, tell me again,’ he added, slowly -releasing himself, ‘how it is that you know me so -well? Tell me again and again!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She replied demurely, standing before him like a -teacher before a backward pupil. ‘Because I have -always watched, studied, and loved you—from within -yourself. It was not my fault that you failed to -know me when I spoke. Perhaps, even now, you -would not have found me unless—in certain ways—through -the children—you had begun to come into -your own——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul interrupted her, taking her in his arms, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_254'>254</span>while she made no effort to escape, but only laughed. -‘And I’ll take good care I never lose you again after -this!’ he cried.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You know, I wasn’t really asleep just now on the -sand,’ she told him a little later. ‘I heard you coming -all the time; only I wanted to see if you would pass -me by as you always did before.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s very odd and very wonderful,’ he said, ‘but -I never noticed you till to-day.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And very natural,’ she added under her breath, -so low that he did not hear.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Paul, moving beside her, murmured in his -beard, ‘If she’s not my Ideal, set mysteriously somehow -into the framework of one I already love—I -swear I don’t know who she is!’</p> - -<p class='c010'>They made their way along the sandy shores of -the river, the waves breaking at their feet, the wind -singing among the reeds; never had the sunlight -seemed so brilliant, the day so wonderful and kind. -All nature helped them; playing their great game as -if it was the only game worth playing in the whole -world—the game loved from one eternity to another.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So the children have told you about me, have -they?’ he whispered into the ear that came just level -with his lips.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And all you love, as well. Your dreams and -thoughts more than anything else—especially your -thoughts. You must be very careful with those; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_255'>255</span>they mould me; they make me what I am. If you -didn’t think nicely of me—verynicelyindeed——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But I shall always think nicely, beautifully, of -you,’ he broke in eagerly, not noticing the familiar -touch of language.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You have so far, at any rate,’ she replied, ‘for -the yearning and desire of your imagination have -created me afresh.’ And he discerned the smile upon -her veiled face as one may see the sun only through -troubled glass, yet know its warmth and brilliance.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then it is because you are part and parcel of my -inner self that you seem so real and intimate and—true?’ -he asked passionately.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course. I am in your very blood; I beat in -your heart; I understand your every passion and -emotion, because I am present at their birth. The -most fleeting of your dreams finds its reflection in -me; your spirit’s faintest aspiration runs through me -like a trumpet call; and, now that you have found -me, we need never, we <em>can</em> never, separate!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The passion of her words broke over his heart -like a wave. He felt himself trembling.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But it is all so swift and wonderful that it makes -me almost afraid—afraid it cannot last,’ he objected, -knowing all the time that his words were but a -common device to make his pleasure the more real.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘If only, oh, if only I could carry you away with -me into that outer world——!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She laughed deliciously in his face. ‘It is from -<span class='pageno' id='Page_256'>256</span>that very “outer world” that you have carried me -<em>in here</em>,’ she told him softly, ‘for I am always with -you.’ And with the words came that fugitive trick -of voice and gesture that made him certain he knew -her—then was gone again. ‘In the house with your -sister and the children,’ she continued; ‘when you -write your Aventures and your verses; in your daily -round of duties, small and great; and when you -lie down at night—ah! especially then—I curl up -beside you in your heart, and fly with you through -all your funny dreamland, and wake your dear eyes -with a kiss so soft you never know it. In your early -morning rambles, as in your reveries of the dusk, I -never leave you—because I cannot. All day long -I am beside you, though you little realise my -presence. I share half your pleasures and all your -pains. And in return you hand over to me half that -soul whose unuttered prayers have thus created me -afresh for your salvation.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But it must be my own voice speaking,’ he cried -inwardly, satisfied and happy beyond belief. ‘It is -the words of my own thoughts that I hear!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Because I am your own thoughts speaking,’ she -replied instantly, as though he had uttered aloud. -‘I lie, you see, behind your inmost thoughts!’</p> - -<p class='c010'>They walked through sunny meadows, picking -their way among islands of wild flowers. There was -no sound but the murmur of wind and river, and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_257'>257</span>singing of birds. Fleecy clouds, here and there in -the blue, hung cool and white, watching them. The -whole world, Paul felt, listened without shyness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And so it is that you love me without shyness,’ -she went on, marvellously linking in with his thought; -‘I am intimate with you as your own soul, and our -relations are pure with the purity that was before -man. There can be no secrets between us, or -possibility of secrets, for your most hidden dreams -are also mine. So mingled with your ultimate being -am I, in fact, that sometimes you dare not recognise -me as separate, and all that appears on the surface of -your dear mind must first filter through myself. -Why!’ she cried, with a sudden rush of mischievous -laughter, ‘I even know what you are made of; why -your queer heart has never been able to satisfy itself—to -“grow up,” as you call it; and all about this -endless desire you have to find God, which is really -nothing but the search to find your true inner Self.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Tell me! tell me!’ he cried.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Besides the sun,’ she went on with a strange -swiftness of words, ‘there’s the wind and the rain -in you; yes, and moon and stars as well. That’s -why the fire and restlessness of the imagination for -ever tear you. No mere form of expression can -ever satisfy <em>that</em>, but only increase it; for it means -your desire to know reality, to know beauty, to -know your own soul; to know—God! Your -blood has kinship with those tides that flow through -<span class='pageno' id='Page_258'>258</span>all space, even to the gates of the stars; dawns and -sunsets, moonrise and meteors haunt your thoughts -with their magic lights; wild flowers of the fields -and hillside nod beside you while you sleep; and -the winds, laughing and sighing, lift your dreams -upon vast wings and flash with them beyond the -edges of the universe!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Stop,’ he cried with passion, ‘you are telling all -my secrets.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I am telling them only to myself,’ she laughed, -‘and therefore to you. For I know all the fevers of -your soul. The wilderness calls you and the great -woods. You are haunted by the faces of the world’s -forgotten places. Your imagination plays with the -lightning about the mountain tops, and seeks primeval -forests and the shores of desolate seas....’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul listened spellbound while she put some of -the most intangible of his fancies into the language -of poetry. Yet she spoke with the quiet simplicity -of true things. The man felt his soul shake with -delight to hear her. Again and again, while she -spoke, the feeling came to him that in another -moment her face must clear and he would know her; -yet the actual second of recognition never appeared. -The girl’s true identity continued to evade him. -The enticing uncertainty added enormously to her -charm. It evoked in him even the sense of worship.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And this shall be the earnest of our ideal companionship,’ -she whispered, holding up a spray of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_259'>259</span>leaves which she proceeded to fasten into the buttonhole -of his coat; ‘the symbol by which you shall always -know me—the sign of my presence in your heart.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The top of her head, as she bent over the task, -was on a level with his lips, and when he stooped to -kiss it the perfumes of the earth—flowers, trees, -wind, water—rose about her like a cloud. Her hair -was hot with sunshine, all silken with the air of -summer. They were one being, growing out of the -earth that he loved—the old, magical, beautiful earth -that fed so great a part of his secret life from -perennial springs.</p> - -<p class='c011'>As she drew away again from his caress he glanced -down and saw that what she had pinned into his coat -was a little cluster of leaves from the branch of a -silver birch tree.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then I, too, shall give you a sign,’ he said, -‘that shall mean the same as yours.’ And he picked -a twig of pine needles from a tree beside them and -twined it through a coil of her hair. Then, seizing -her hands, he swung her round in a dance till they -fell upon the river bank at last, tired out, and slept -the sleep of children.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And after that, for a whole day it seemed, they -wandered through this summer landscape, following -the river to its source in the mountains, and then -descending on the farther side to the shores of a -blue-rimmed sea.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There are the ships,’ she cried, pointing to the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_260'>260</span>shining expanse of water; ‘and, see, there is <em>our</em> -ship coming for us.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And as she stood there, laughing with excitement -like a child, a barque with painted figure-head and -brown sails yielding to the wind, came towards them -over the waves, the bales of fruit upon her decks -scenting the air, the smell of rope and tar and salty -wood enticing them to distance and adventure. -Through the cordage the very sound of the wind -called to them to be off.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So at last we start upon our long, long voyage -together,’ she said mysteriously, blushing with pleasure, -and leading him down towards the ship.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And where are we to sail to?’ he asked; for the -flap of the sails and the waves beating against the -sides made resistance impossible. The sea-smells -were in his nostrils. He glanced down at the veiled -face beside him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘First to the Islands of the Night,’ she whispered -so low that not even the wind could carry it away; -‘for there we shall be alone.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And then——?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And then to the Islands of Delight,’ she murmured -more softly still; ‘for there we shall find the -lost children of the world—<em>our</em> children, and so be -happy with them ever after, like the people in the -fairy tales.’</p> - -<p class='c010'>With something like a shock he realised that -<span class='pageno' id='Page_261'>261</span>some one else was walking beside him, talking of -things that were real in a very different sense. He -had been out walking longer than he knew, and had -reached the house again. The autumnal mist already -drew its gauze curtains about the old building. The -smoke rose in straight lines from the chimneys, -melting into dusk. That other place of sunshine -and flowers had faded—sea, ship, islands, had all -sunk beneath the depths within him. And this other -person had been saying things for some minutes....</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I don’t believe you’ve been listening to a single -word, Paul. You stand there with your eyes -fixed on vacancy, and only nod your head and -grunt.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I assure you, Margaret, dear,’ he stammered, -coming to the surface as from a long swim under -water, ‘I rarely miss anything you say. Only the -Crack came so very suddenly. You were saying -that Dick’s niece was coming to us—Joan—er—Thingumybob, -and——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So you heard some of it,’ she laughed quietly, -relenting. ‘And I hope the Crack you speak about -is in your head, not in mine.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s everywhere,’ he said with his grave humour. -‘That’s the trouble, you see; one never knows——’ -Then, seeing that she was looking anxiously at the -walls of the house and at the roof, he dropped his -teasing and came back to solid earth again. ‘And -how soon do you expect her?’ he asked in his most -<span class='pageno' id='Page_262'>262</span>practical voice. ‘When does she arrive upon the -scene?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Why, Paul, I’ve already told you twice! You -really are getting more absent-minded every day. -Joan comes to-morrow, or the day after—she’s to -telegraph which—and stays here for as long as she -can manage—a fortnight or so, I expect. She works -herself to death, I believe, in town with those poor -children, and I want her to get a real rest before she -goes back.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Waifs, aren’t they?’ he asked, picking up the -thread of the discourse like a thing heard in a dream, -‘lost children of the slums?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes. You’ll see them for yourself probably, as -she has some of them down usually for a day in the -country. One can be of use in that way—and it’s -so nice to help. Dick, you know, was absorbed in -the scheme. You will help, won’t you, when the -time comes?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He promised; and they went in together to tea.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_263'>263</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XX</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>‘This is him,’ cried Jonah breathlessly, pointing -with a hand that wore ink like a funeral glove. -‘I’ve got him this time. Look!’ And he waved -a half-sheet of paper in his uncle’s face.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ve made one too—oh, a beauty!’ echoed -Toby; ‘and I haven’t made half such a mess as -you.’ Three of her fingers were in mourning. A -crape-like line running from the nose to the corner -of the mouth, lent her a certain distinction. She, -too, waved a bit of paper in the air.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Mine’s the real Jack-of-the-Inkpot though, isn’t -he, Uncle Paul?’ exclaimed the boy, leaving the -schoolroom table, and running up to show it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re all real—as real as your awful fingers,’ -decreed Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He had been explaining how to make the figure -of the Ink Sprite that leaves blots wherever he goes, -blackens penholders and fingers, and leaves his -crawly marks across even the neatest page of writing. -Two blots and a line-then fold the paper. Open -it again and the ink has run into the semblance of an -outlandish figure with countless legs and arms, and a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_264'>264</span>fantastic head; something between a spider, a -centipede, and a sprite.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s Jack-of-the-Inkpot,’ he told them. ‘Half -the time he does his dirty work invisibly, and if he -touches blotting-paper—he vanishes altogether.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Jonah skipped about the room, waving his -hideous creation in the air. Toby, in her efforts to -make a still better one, almost climbed into the ink-stand. -Nixie sat on the window-sill, dangling her -legs and looking on.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Very little ink does it,’ explained Paul, frightened -at the results of his instruction. ‘You needn’t pour -it on! He works with the smallest possible material, -remember!’ His own fingers were no longer as -spotless as they might have been.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look!’ shouted Jonah, standing on a chair and -ignoring the rebuke. ‘There he goes—just like a -black spider flying!’ He let his half-sheet drop -through the air, ink running down its side as it fell, -while Toby watched with the envy of despair.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul pounced upon the wriggling figure just in -time to prevent further funeral trappings. He -turned it face downwards upon the blotting-paper.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, oh!’ cried the children in the same breath; -‘it’s drank him up!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Drunk him up,’ corrected Paul, relieved by the -success of his manœuvre. ‘His feet touched the -blotting-paper, you see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>A pause followed.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_265'>265</span>‘You promised to tell us his song, please,’ -observed Nixie from her perch on the window-sill.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This is it, then,’ he answered, looking round at -the smudged and solemn faces, instantly grown still. -‘To judge by appearances you know this Sprite -better than I do!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I dance on your paper,</div> - <div class='line'>I hide in your pen,</div> - <div class='line'>I make in your ink-stand</div> - <div class='line'>My black little den;</div> - <div class='line'>And when you’re not looking</div> - <div class='line'>I hop on your nose,</div> - <div class='line'>And leave on your forehead</div> - <div class='line'>The marks of my toes.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>When you’re trying to finish</div> - <div class='line'>Your “i” with a dot,</div> - <div class='line'>I slip down your finger</div> - <div class='line'>And make it a blot;</div> - <div class='line'>And when you’re so busy</div> - <div class='line'>To cross a big “T,”</div> - <div class='line'>I make on the paper</div> - <div class='line'>A little Black Sea.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>I drink blotting-paper,</div> - <div class='line'>Eat penwiper-pie,</div> - <div class='line'>You never can catch me,</div> - <div class='line'>You never need try!</div> - <div class='line'>I hop <em>any</em> distance,</div> - <div class='line'>I use <em>any</em> ink!</div> - <div class='line'>I’m on to your fingers</div> - <div class='line'>Before you can wink.’</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>Paul’s back was to the door. He was in the act -of making up a new verse, and declaiming it, when -<span class='pageno' id='Page_266'>266</span>he was aware that a change had come suddenly over -the room. It was manifest from the faces of the -children. Their attention had wandered; they were -looking past him—beyond him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And when he turned to discover the cause of the -distraction he looked straight into the grey eyes of a -woman—grave-faced, with an expression of strength -and sweetness. As he did so the opening words of -verse four slipped out in spite of themselves:—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>‘I’m the blackest of goblins,</div> - <div class='line'>I revel in smears—’</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>He smothered the accusing statement with a -cough that was too late to disguise it, while the grey -eyes looked steadily into his with a twinkle their -owner made no attempt to conceal. The same -instant the children rushed past him to welcome -her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s Cousin Joan!’ they cried with one voice, -and dragged her into the room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And this is Uncle Paul from America——’ -began Nixie.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And he’s crammed full of sprites and things, -and sees the wind and gets through our Crack, and—and -climbs up the rigging of the Night——’ -cried Jonah, striving to say everything at once -before his sisters.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And writes the aventures of our Secret S’iety,’ -Toby managed to interpolate by speaking very fast -indeed.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_267'>267</span>‘He’s Recording Secre’ry, you see,’ explained -Nixie in a tone of gentle authority that brought -order into the scene. ‘Cousin Joan, you know,’ -she added, turning gravely to her uncle, ‘is Visiting -I’spector.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Whose visits, however, are somewhat rare, I -fear,’ said the new arrival, with a smile. Her voice -was quiet and very pleasant. ‘I hope, Mr. Rivers, -you are able to keep the Society in better order than -I ever could.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The introduction seemed adequate. They shook -hands. Paul somehow forgot the signs of mourning -he wore in common with the rest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Cousin Joan has a <em>real</em> Society in London, of -course,’ Nixie explained gravely, ‘a Society that -picks up <em>real</em> lost children.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘A-filleted with ours, though,’ cried Jonah -proudly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘’ffiliated, he means,’ explained Nixie, while -everybody laughed, and the boy looked uncertain -whether to be proud, hurt, or puzzled, but in the -end laughing louder than the rest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>When Paul was alone a few minutes later, the -children having been carried off shouting to receive -the presents their ‘Cousin’ always brought them -on her rare visits from London, he was conscious -first of a curious sense of disappointment. That -strong-faced woman, grave of expression, with the -low voice and the rather sad grey eyes, he divined -<span class='pageno' id='Page_268'>268</span>was the cause; though, for the moment, he could -not trace the feeling to any definite detail. In his -mind he still saw her standing in the doorway—a -woman no longer in her first youth, yet comely with -a delicate, strong beauty that bore the indefinable -touch of high living. It was peculiar to his intuitive -temperament to note the spirit before he -became aware of physical details; and this woman -had left something of her personality behind her. -She had spoken little, and that little ordinary; had -done nothing in act or gesture that was striking. -He did not even remember how she was dressed, -beyond that she looked neat, soft, effective. Yet, -there it was; something was in the room with him -that had not been there before she came.</p> - -<p class='c011'>At first he felt vaguely that his sense of disappointment -had to do with herself. Not that he -had expected anything dazzling, or indeed had given -her consciously any thought at all. The male -creature, of course, hearing the name of a girl he -is about to meet, instinctively conjures up a picture -to suit her name. He cannot help himself. And -Joan Nicholson, apart from any deliberate process of -thought or desire on his part, hardly suited the -picture that had thus spontaneously formed in his -mind. The woman seemed too big for the picture. -He had seen her, perhaps, hitherto, only through his -sister’s eyes. It puzzled him. About her, mysteriously -as an invisible garment, was the atmosphere of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_269'>269</span>things bigger, grander, finer than he had expected; -nobler than he quite understood.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Ah, now, at last, he was getting at it. The -vague sense of disappointment was not with her; it -was <em>with himself</em>. Tested by some new standard -her mere presence had subtly introduced into the -room—into his intuitive mind—he had become -suddenly dissatisfied with himself. His play with -the children, he remembered feeling, had seemed all -at once insignificant, unreal, almost unworthy—compared -to another larger order of things her -presence had suggested, if not actually revealed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Thus, in a flash of vision, the truth came to him. -It was with himself and not with her that he was -disappointed. He recalled scraps of the conversation. -It was, after all, nothing Joan Nicholson had -said; it was something Nixie had said. Nixie, his -little blue-eyed guide and teacher, had been up to -her wizard tricks again, all unconsciously.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Cousin Joan has a <em>real</em> Society in London, you -know—<em>a Society that picks up real lost children</em>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>That was the sentence that had done it. He felt -certain. Combined with the spiritual presentment -of the woman, this apparently stray remark had -dropped down into his heart with almost startling -effect—like the grain of powder a chemist adds to -his test tube that suddenly changes the colour and -nature of its contents. As yet he could not determine -quite what the change meant; he felt only -<span class='pageno' id='Page_270'>270</span>that it was there—disappointment, dissatisfaction -with himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Cousin Joan has a <em>real</em> Society.’ She was in -earnest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>Real</em> lost children’—perhaps potential Nixies, -Jonahs, Tobys, all waiting to be ‘picked up.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The thoughts ran to and fro in him like some one -with a little torch, lighting up corners and recesses -of his soul he had so far never visited. For thus it -sometimes is with the chemistry of growth. The -changes are prepared subconsciously for a long while, -and then comes some trivial little incident—a chance -remark, a casual action—and a match is set to the -bonfire. It flames out with a sudden rush. The -character develops with a leap; the soul has become -wiser, advanced, possessed of longer, clearer sight.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul was certainly aware of a new standard by -which he must judge himself; and, for all the -apparent slightness of its cause, a little reflection -will persuade of its truth. Real, inner crises of -a soul are often produced by causes even more -negligible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The desire, always latent in him, to be of some -use in the world, and to find the things he sought -by losing himself in some Cause bigger than -personal ends, had been definitely touched. It now -rose to the surface and claimed deliberate attention.</p> - -<p class='c011'>What in the world did it matter—thus he -reflected while dressing for dinner—whether his own -<span class='pageno' id='Page_271'>271</span>personal sense of beauty found expression or not? -Of what account was it to the world at large, the -world, for instance, that included those ‘lost children’ -who needed to be ‘picked up’? To what use did -he put it, except to his own gratification, and the -passing pleasure of the children he played with? -Were there no bigger uses, then, for his imagination, -uses nobler and less personal?...</p> - -<p class='c011'>The thoughts chased one another through his -mind in some confusion. He felt more and more -dissatisfied with himself. He must set his house in -order. He really must get to work at something -<em>real</em>!</p> - -<p class='c011'>Other thoughts, too, played with him while he -struggled with his studs and tie. For he noticed -suddenly with surprise that he was taking more -trouble with his appearance than usual. That black -tie always bothered him when he could not get the -help of Nixie’s fingers, and usually he appeared at -the table with the results of carelessness and despair -plainly visible in its outlandish shape. But to-night -he tied and re-tied, determined to get it right. He -meant to look his best.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet this process of beautifying himself was instinctive, -not deliberate. It was unconscious; he -did not realise what he had been about until he was -half-way downstairs. And then came another of -those swift, subtle flashes by which the soul reveals -herself—to herself. This ‘dressing up,’ what was it -<span class='pageno' id='Page_272'>272</span>for? For whom? Certainly, he did not care a -button what Joan Nicholson thought of his personal -appearance. That was positive. Then, for whom, -and for what, was it? Was it for some one else? -Had the arrival of this ‘woman’ upon the scene -somehow brought the truth into sudden relief?...</p> - -<p class='c011'>A delightful, fairy thought sped across his mind -with wings of gold, waving through the dusk of his -soul a spray of leaves from a silver birch tree that he -knew, and disappearing into those depths of consciousness -where feelings never clothe themselves in -precise language. A line of poetry swam up and -took its place mysteriously—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>My heart has thoughts, which, though thine eyes hold mine,</div> - <div class='line'>Flit to the silent world and other summers,</div> - <div class='line'>With wings that dip beyond the silver seas.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Could it be, then, that he had given his heart so -utterly, so exquisitely, into the keeping of a little -child?...</p> - -<p class='c011'>At any rate, before he reached the drawing-room, -he understood that what he had been so busy dressing -up was not anything half so trumpery as his -mere external body and appearance. It was his -interior person. That black tie, properly made for -once, was an outward and visible sign of an inward -and spiritual grace; only, having forgotten, or -possibly never heard the phrase, he could not make -use of it!</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_273'>273</span>‘It’s that little, sandy-haired witch after all!’ he -thought to himself. ‘Joan’s coming—a woman’s -coming—has made me realise it. I must behave -my best, and look my best. It’s my soul dressing -up for Nixie, I do declare!’</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_274'>274</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXI</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Persons with real force of purpose carry about -with them something that charges unconsciously the -atmosphere of others. Paul ‘felt’ this woman. -The first impact of her presence, as has been seen, -came almost as a shock. The ‘shocks,’ however, -did not continue—as such. Her influence worked -in him underground, as it were.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She slipped easily and naturally into the quiet -routine of the little household in the Grey House -under the hill, till it seemed as if she had been there -always. Margaret had insisted at once that there -could be no ‘Missing’ and ‘Mistering’; Dick’s -niece must be Joan, and her brother Paul; and the -more familiar terms of address were adopted without -effort on both sides.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The children helped, too. They were all in the -same Society, and before a week had passed she had -heard all the ‘aventures,’ and entered into the discovery -of new ones, even contributing some herself -with a zest that delighted Paul, and made him feel -wholly at his ease with her. It was all real to her; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_275'>275</span>she could not otherwise have shown an interest; for -sham had no part in her nature, and her love for -these fatherless children was as great as his own, and -similar in kind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You have given their “Society” a new lease of -life,’ she told him; ‘you are an enormous addition -to it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Enormous—yes!’ he laughed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Enormously useful at the same time,’ she -laughed in return, ‘because you not only increase -their imagination; you train it, and show them how -to use it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘To say nothing of the indirect benefits I receive -myself,’ he added.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And, after a pause, she said: ‘For myself, too, -it’s the best kind of holiday I could possibly have. -To come down here into all this, straight from my -waifs in London, is like coming into that Crack-land -you have shown them. I wish—I wish I could -introduce it all to my big sad world of unwashed -urchins. They have so few chances.’ A sudden -flash of enthusiasm ran over her face like sunlight. -‘Perhaps, when they come down here next week for -a day’s outing, we might try!—if you will help -me, that is?’ She looked up. Something in the -simple words touched him; her singleness of aim -stirred the depths in him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He promised eagerly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘When it’s out,’ she added presently, ‘I’m going -<span class='pageno' id='Page_276'>276</span>to give copies of your book of aventures to some of -them. A good many will understand——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You shall have as many as you can use,’ he put -in quickly, with a thrill of pleasure he hardly understood. -‘I’m only too delighted to think they could -be of any use—any <em>real</em> use, I mean.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was something in the simple earnestness of -this woman, in the devotion of her life to an unselfish -Cause, that increased daily his dissatisfaction with -himself. She never said a word that suggested self-sacrifice. -A call had come to her, turning her entire -life into an instrument for helping others—others -who might never realise enough to say, ‘Thank you’—and -she had accepted it. Now she lived it, that was -all. The Scheme that had provided the call, too, -was Dick’s. It was all conceived originally in that -big practical, imaginative heart of the one intimate -friendship he had known. Moreover, it concerned -children, lost children. The appeal to the deepest -in himself was thus reinforced in several ways. -More and more, beside this quiet, determined -woman, with her singleness of aim and her practical -idealism, his own life seemed trivial, cheap, selfish. -She had found a medium of expression, self-expression, -compared to which his own mind was -insignificant.</p> - -<p class='c011'>From the ‘Man who splashed on the Deck’ to -Joan Nicholson was a far cry; as far almost as from -the amœba to the dog—yet both the man and the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_277'>277</span>woman knew the relief of Outlet. And, now, he -too was learning in his own time and place the same -truth. Nixie had brought him far. Joan, perhaps, -was to bring him farther still.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet there was nothing about her that was very -unusual. There are scores and scores of unmarried -women like her sprinkled all along the quiet ways of -life, noble, unselfish, unrecognised, often, no doubt, -utterly unappreciated, turning the whole current of -their lives into work for others—the best they can -find. The ordinary man who, for the mother of his -children seeks first of all physical beauty, or perhaps -some worldly standard of attractiveness, passes them -by. Their great force, thus apparently neglected by -Nature for her more obvious purposes, runs along -through more hidden channels, achieving great things -with but little glory or reward. To Paul, who knew -nothing of modern types, and whose knowledge of -women was abstract rather than concrete, she -appeared, of course, simply normal. For all women -he conceived as noble and unselfish, capable naturally -of sacrifice and devotion. To him they were all -saints, more or less, and Joan Nicholson came upon -the scene of his life merely as an ordinarily presentable -specimen of the great species he had always dreamt -about.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But it was the first time he had come into close -contact with a living example of the type he had -always believed in. Here was a woman whose -<span class='pageno' id='Page_278'>278</span>interests were all outside herself. The fact thrilled -and electrified him, just as the peculiar nature of her -work made a powerful and intimate appeal to his -heart.</p> - -<p class='c011'>As the days passed, and they came to know one -another better, she told him frankly about the small -beginnings of her work, and then how Dick’s idea -had caught her up and carried her away to where -she now was.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There was so much to be done, and so much -help needed, that at first,’ she admitted, ‘my own -little efforts seemed absurd; and then he showed me -that if everybody talked like that nothing would ever -be accomplished. So I got up and tried. It was -something definite and practical. I let my bigger -dreams go——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Well done,’ he interrupted, wondering for a -moment what those ‘bigger dreams’ could have been.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘——and chose the certainty. And I have never -regretted it, though sometimes, of course, I am still -tempted——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That was fine of you,’ he said. He realised -vaguely that she would gladly, perhaps, have spoken -to him of those ‘other dreams,’ but it was not quite -clear to him that his sympathy could be of any avail, -and he did not know how to offer it either. To ask -direct questions of such a woman savoured to his -delicate mind of impertinence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There was nothing “fine” about it,’ she laughed, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_279'>279</span>after an imperceptible pause; ‘it was natural, that’s -all. I couldn’t help myself really. Human suffering -has always called to me very searchingly. <i><span lang="fr">Au -fond</span></i>, you see, it was almost selfishness.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He suddenly felt unaccountably small with this -slip of a woman at his side, tired, overworked, giving -all her best years so gladly away, and even in her -‘holidays’ thinking of her work more than of herself. -He noticed, too, the passing flames that lit fires in her -eyes and illumined her entire face sometimes when -she spoke of her London waifs. Pity and admiration -ran together in his thoughts, the latter easily -predominating.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you must make the most of your holiday,’ -he said presently; ‘you will use up your forces too -soon——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Perhaps,’ she laughed, ‘perhaps. Only I get -restless with the feeling that I’m wanted elsewhere. -There’s so little time to do anything. The years -pass so quickly—after thirty; and if you always wait -till you’re “quite fit,” you wait for ever, and nothing -gets done.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul turned and looked steadily at her for a -moment. A sudden beauty, like a white and shining -fire, leaped into her face, flashed about the eyes and -mouth, and was gone. Paul never forgot that look -to the end of his days.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘By Jove,’ he said, ‘you <em>are</em> in earnest!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Not more than others,’ she said simply; ‘not as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_280'>280</span>much as many, even, I’m afraid. A good soldier goes -on fighting whether he’s “fit” or not, doesn’t he?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘He ought to,’ said Paul—humbly, for some -reason he could hardly explain.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They had many similar talks. She told him a -great deal about her rescue work in London, and he, -for his part, became more and more interested. -From a distance, meanwhile, his sister observed -them curiously,—though nothing that was in -Margaret’s thoughts ever for a single instant found -its way either into his mind or Joan’s. It was -natural, of course, that Margaret, the reader of -modern novels, should have formed certain conclusions, -and perhaps it would have been the obvious -and natural thing for Joan and Paul to have fallen -in love and been happy ever afterwards with children -of their own. It would also, no doubt, have been -‘artistic,’ and the way things are made to happen in -novels.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But in real life things are not cut always so -neatly to measure, and whether real life is artistic or -not as a whole cannot be judged until the true, far -end is known. For the perspective is wanting; the -scale is on a vaster loom; and of the threads that -weave into the pattern and out again, neither end -nor beginning are open to inspection.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The novels Margaret delighted in, with their -hotch-potch of duchesses and valets, Ministers of -State and footmen, libertines and snobs, while -<span class='pageno' id='Page_281'>281</span>doubtless portraying certain phases of modern life -with accuracy, could in no way prepare her for the -Pattern that was being woven beneath her eyes by -the few and simple characters in this entirely -veracious history. And it may be assumed, therefore, -that Joan had come into the scenery of Paul’s life -with no such commonplace motive—since the high -Gods held the threads and wove them to their own -satisfaction—as merely to marry off the hero.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And if Paul did not fall in love with Joan -Nicholson, as he might, or ought, to have done, he -at least did the next best thing to it. He fell head -over ears in love with her work. And since love -seeks ever to imitate and to possess, he cast about in -his heart for means by which he might accomplish -these ends. Already he possessed her secret. Now -he had only to imitate her methods.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He was finding his way to a bigger and better -means of self-expression than he had yet dreamed of; -while Nixie, the <i><span lang="la">dea ex machina</span></i>, for ever flitted on -ahead and showed the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It remained a fairy tale of the most delightful -kind. <em>That</em>, at least, he realised clearly.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_282'>282</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXII</h2> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Among the branches of the ilex tree, whose thick -foliage rose like a giant swarm of bees at the end -of the lawn, there were three dark spots visible that -might have puzzled the most expert botanist until he -came close enough to examine them in detail. The -fact that the birds avoided the tree at this particular -hour of the evening, when they might otherwise have -loved to perch and sing, hidden among the dense -shiny leaves, would very likely have furnished a clue, -and have suggested to him—if he were a really -intelligent man of science—that these dark spots -were of human origin.</p> - -<p class='c011'>In the order in which they rose from the ground -towards the top they were, in fact, Toby, Joan -Nicholson, Paul, Nixie and, highest of all, Jonah. -Paul felt safer in the big fork, Joan in the wide seat -with the back. In the upper branches Jonah -perched, singing and chattering. Toby hummed to -herself happily nearer the ground, and Nixie, her -legs swinging dizzily over a serpentine branch -immediately above Paul’s head, was really the safest -<span class='pageno' id='Page_283'>283</span>of the lot, though she looked ready to drop at -any moment.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They were all at rest, these wingless human birds, -in the tree where Paul had long ago made seats and -staircases and bell-ropes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I wish the wind would come,’ said Nixie. ‘It -would make us all swing about.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And Jonah would lose his balance and bring the -lot of us down like ripe fruit,’ said Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘On the top of Toby at the bottom,’ added Joan.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But my house is well built,’ Paul objected, ‘or -it would never have held such a lot of visitors as -it did yesterday.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Look out! I’m slipping!’ cried Jonah suddenly -overhead. ‘No! I’m all right again now,’ he added -a second later, having thoroughly alarmed the -lodgers on the lower floors, and sent down a -shower of bark and twigs.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s certainly more solid than your “Scaffolding -of Night,”’ Joan observed mischievously as soon as -the shower was past; ‘though, perhaps, not quite as -beautiful.’ And presently she added, ‘I think I -never saw boys enjoy themselves so much in my life. -They’ll remember it as long as they live.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It was your idea,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you carried it out for me!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>They were resting after prolonged labours that -had been, at the same time, a prolonged delight. -At three o’clock that afternoon, after twenty-four -<span class='pageno' id='Page_284'>284</span>hours of sunshine among woods and fields, the party -of twenty urchins had been seen safely off the -premises into the London train. Two large brakes -had carried them to the station, and the gardens -of the grey house under the hill were dropping back -again into their wonted peace and quiet.</p> - -<p class='c011'>There is nothing unusual—happily—in the sight -of poor town-children enjoying an afternoon in -the country; but there was something about this -particular outing that singled it out from the -majority of its kind. Paul had entered heart and -soul into it, and the combination of woods, fields, -and running water had made possible certain details -that are not usually feasible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Margaret had given Paul and her cousin <i><span lang="fr">carte -blanche</span></i>. They had planned the whole affair as -generals plan a battle. The children had proved -able lieutenants; and the weather had furnished the -sun by day and the moon by night, to show that -it thoroughly approved. For it was Paul’s idea that -the entire company of boys should camp out, cook -their meals over wood fires in the open, bathe in the -pools he had contrived long ago by damming up -the stream, and that not a single minute of the -twenty-four hours should they be indoors or under -cover.</p> - -<p class='c011'>With a big barn close at hand in case of necessity, -and with four tents large enough to hold five apiece, -erected at the far end of the Gwyle woods, where -<span class='pageno' id='Page_285'>285</span>the stream ran wide and full, he had no difficulty -in providing for all contingencies. Each boy had -brought a little parcel with his things for the night; -and blankets, bedding of hay and pillows of selected -pine branches—oh, he knew all the tricks for -making comfortable sleeping-quarters in the woods!—were -ready and waiting when the party of urchins -came upon the scene.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And every astonished ragamuffin had a number -pinned on to his coat the moment he arrived, and -the same number was to be found at the head of his -place in the tent. Each tent, moreover, was under -the care of a particular boy who was responsible for -order; while, midway in the camp, by the ashes of -the fire where they had roasted potatoes and told -stories till the moonlight shamed them into sleep, -Paul himself lay all night in his sleeping-bag, the -happiest of the lot, sentinel and guardian of the -troop.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The place for the main fire, where meals were -cooked, had been carefully chosen beforehand, and -wood collected by the busy hands of Nixie & Co. -The boys sat round it in a large ring; and Paul in -the middle, stirring the stew he had learned to make -most deliciously in his backwoods life, ladled it out -into the tin plates of each in turn, while Joan saw to -the bread and cake, and watched the huge kettle of -boiling water for tea that swung slowly from the -iron tripod near by.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_286'>286</span>And that circle of happy urchin faces, seen -through the blue smoke against the background of -crowding tree stems, flushed with the hours of sunshine, -the mystery of happiness in all their eyes, -remained a picture in Paul’s memory to the end of -his life. The boys, certainly, were not all good, but -they were at least all merry. They forgot for the -time the heat of airless brick lanes and the clatter -of noisy traffic. The perfumes of the wood banished -the odour of ill-ventilated rooms. Dark shadows of -the streets gave place to veils of a very different -kind, as the rising moon dropped upon their faces -the tracery of pine branches. And, instead of the -roar of a city that for them meant hardship, often -cruelty, they heard the singing of birds, the rustle -of trees, and the murmur of the stream at their very -feet.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Paul, as he paced to and fro softly between -the sleeping crew, the tents all ghostly among the -trees, had long, long thoughts that went with him -into his sleeping-bag later and mingled with dreams -that were more inspired than he knew, and destined -to bear a great harvest in due course....</p> - -<p class='c011'>The branches of big forest trees shifted noiselessly -forwards from the scenery that lay ever in the -background of his mind, and pressed his eyelids -gently into sleep. With feathery dark fingers they -brushed the surface of his thoughts, leaving the -perfume of their own large dreams about his pillow. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_287'>287</span>The shadowy figures that haunt all ancient woods -peered at him from behind a million stems and, -while they peered, beckoned; whispering to his soul -the secrets of the wilderness, and renewing in him -the sources of strength, simplicity, and joy they had -erstwhile taught him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>All that afternoon he had spent with the romping -boys, organising their play, seeing to it that they -enjoyed utter freedom, yet did no mischief. Joan -seconded him everywhere, and Nixie flitted constantly -between the camp and the source of supplies in the -kitchen. And, to see their play, came as a revelation -to him in many ways. While the majority were -content to shout and tumble headlong with excess of -animal spirits let loose, here and there he watched -one or two apart, all aghast at the beauty they saw -at close quarters for the first time; dreaming; -apparently stunned; drinking it all in with eyes and -ears and lips; feeling the moss and branches as -others feel jewels and costly lace; and on some of -the little faces an expression of grave wonder, and of -joy too deep for laughter.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This ain’t always ’ere, is it, Guv’nor?’ one had -asked. And another, whom Paul watched fingering -a common fern for a long time, looked up presently -and inquired if it was real—‘because it isn’t ’arf as -pretty as what <em>we</em> use!’ He was the son of a sceneshifter -at an East End theatre.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And a detail that made peculiarly keen appeal to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_288'>288</span>his heart, a detail not witnessed by Joan or the -children, was the morning ablutions in the stream, -when the occupants of each tent in turn, went into -the water soon after sunrise, their pinched bodies -streaked by the shadow and sunlight of the dawn, -their laughter and splashing filling the wood with -unwonted sounds. Soap, towels, and water in plenty! -Water perfumed from the hills! Faces flushed and -almost rosy after the sleep in the open, and the -inexhaustible draughts of air to fan them dry again!</p> - -<p class='c011'>And then the eager circle for breakfast, hatless, -eyes all fixed upon the great stew-pot where he -mixed the jorum of porridge! And the noise—for -noise, it must be confessed, there was—as they -smothered it in their tin plates with quarts of milk -hot from the cow, and busily swallowed it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You took them straight into the Crack, you -know,’ Joan said from her seat below.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Everything came true,’ Nixie’s voice was heard -overhead among the branches.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Jonah clattered down past them and scampered -across the lawn with Toby at his heels, for their -bedtime was close at hand. The other three lay -there, half hidden, a little longer, while the shadows -crept down from the hills and gathered underneath. -They could no longer see each other properly. For -a time there was silence, stirred only by the faint -rustle of the ilex leaves. Each was thinking long, -deep thoughts.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_289'>289</span>‘Next week,’ said Joan quietly, as though to -herself, ‘the other lot will come. Your sister’s as -good as gold about it all.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, after a pause, Nixie’s voice dropped down -to them again:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And had some of them really never seen a -wood before?’ she asked. ‘Fancy that! When -I grow up I shall have a big wood made specially -for them—the “Wood for Lost Children” I shall -call it. And you’ll see about the tents and -cooking, won’t you, Uncle Paul? Or, perhaps,’ she added, -‘by that time I shall know how to make a real proper -stew and porridge, and be able to tell them stories -round the fire as you did. Don’t you think so?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think you know most of it already,’ he -answered gently. ‘It seems to me somehow that you -have always known all the important things like that.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh, do you really? How splendid if I really -did!’ There was a slight break in her voice—ever -so slight. ‘I should so dreadfully like to help—if I -could. It’s so slow getting old enough to do anything.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul turned his head up to her. It was too dim -to see her body lying along the bough, but he could -just make out her eyes peering down between the -dark of the leaves, a yellow mist where her hair -was, and all the rest hidden. Very eerie, very suggestive -it was, to hear this little voice amid the dusk of the -branches, putting his own thoughts into words. -Were those tears that glistened in the round pools -<span class='pageno' id='Page_290'>290</span>of blue, or was it the reflection of sunset and the -coming stars that filtered past her through the -thinning tree-top? Again he thought of that silver -birch standing under the protection of the shaggy -pine.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Sing us something, Nixie,’ rose the voice of -Joan from below.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What shall I sing?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That thing about the two trees Uncle Paul -made up.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But he hasn’t given me the tune yet!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The tune’s still lost,’ murmured the deep voice -from the shadows of the big fork. ‘I must go into -the Crack and find it. That’s where I found the -words, at least——’ The sound of his voice melted -away.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course,’ Joan was heard to say faintly, ‘all -lost things are in there, aren’t they?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And then something queer happened that was -never explained. Perhaps they all slipped through -the Crack together; or perhaps Nixie’s funny little -singing voice floated down to them through such -a filter of listening leaves that both words and tune -were changed on the way into something sweeter -than they actually were in themselves.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Who told the Silver Birch tree</div> - <div class='line in2'>The stories that we made?</div> - <div class='line'>And how can she remember</div> - <div class='line in2'>The very games we played?</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_291'>291</span>Who told her heart of silver</div> - <div class='line in2'>That, almost from her birth,</div> - <div class='line'>The roots of that old Pine tree</div> - <div class='line in2'>Had sought hers under earth?</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>For always when the wind blows</div> - <div class='line in2'>Her hair about the wood,</div> - <div class='line'>It blows across my eyes too</div> - <div class='line in2'>Her pictured solitude.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>And then Aventures gather</div> - <div class='line in2'>On little hidden feet,</div> - <div class='line'>And mystery and laughter</div> - <div class='line in2'>The magic things repeat.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>For, O my Silver Birch tree,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Full half the ‘things’ we do,</div> - <div class='line'>We did—or e’er you sweetened</div> - <div class='line in2'>The starlight and the dew!</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>They stood there, all in order,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Ready and waiting even,</div> - <div class='line'>Before the sunlight kissed you,</div> - <div class='line in2'>Or you, the winds of heaven.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Who told you, then, O Birch Tree,</div> - <div class='line in2'>The ’Ventures that we play?</div> - <div class='line'>And how can you remember</div> - <div class='line in2'>The wonder—and the Way?</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_292'>292</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Panthea.</span> Look, sister, where a troop of spirits gather</div> - <div class='line in9'>Like flocks of cloud in spring’s delightful weather,</div> - <div class='line in9'>Thronging in the blue air!</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Ione.</span> And see! More come.</div> - <div class='line in9'>Like fountain-vapours when the winds are dumb,</div> - <div class='line in9'>That climb up the ravines in scattered lines.</div> - <div class='line in9'>And hark! Is it the music of the pines?</div> - <div class='line in9'>Is it the lake? Is it the waterfall?</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Panthea.</span> ’Tis something sadder, sweeter far than all.</div> - <div class='line in46'><cite>Prometheus Unbound.</cite></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>‘It’s all very well for you two to play at being -trees,’ the voice of Joan was heard to object, ‘but I -should like to know what part I——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hush! Hush! I hear them coming,’ Nixie -said quickly with a new excitement.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She had apparently floated up higher into the -ilex to the place vacated by Jonah. Her voice had -a ring of the sky in it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Come up to where I am, and we can <em>all</em> see. -They’re rising already——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Who—what’s rising?’ called Joan from below; -‘I’m not!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘There’s something up, I expect,’ said Paul -quickly. ‘I’ll help you.’ He knew by the child’s -<span class='pageno' id='Page_293'>293</span>voice there was aventure afoot. ‘Give me your -hand, Joan. And put your feet where I tell you. -We’re all in the Crack, remember, so everything’s -possible.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Undoubtedly something’s up, but it’s not <em>me</em>, -I’m afraid,’ she laughed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Hush! Hush! Hush!’ Nixie’s voice reached -them from the higher branches. ‘Talk in whispers, -please, or you’ll frighten them. And be quick. -They’re rising everywhere. Any minute now they -may be off and you’ll miss them——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Joan and Paul obeyed; though in his record of -the aventure he never described the details of their -ascent. A few minutes later they were perched -beside the child near the rounded top of the -ilex.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s fearfully rickety,’ Joan said breathlessly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But there’s no danger,’ whispered Nixie, ‘because -this is an evergreen tree, and it doesn’t go with the -others.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How—“Go with the others?”’ asked the two -in the same breath.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Trees,’ answered the child. ‘They’re emigrating. -Look! Listen!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Migrating,’ suggested Paul.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course,’ Nixie said, poking her head higher -to see into the sky. ‘Trees go away south in the -autumn just like birds—the real trees; their insides, -I mean——’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_294'>294</span>‘Their spirits,’ Paul explained in his lowest -whisper to Joan.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s why they lose their leaves. And in the -spring they come back with all their new blossoms -and things. If they find nicer places in the south, -they stay, that’s all. They—die. Listen—you can -hear them going!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>High up in that still autumn sky there ran a sweet -and curious sound, difficult to describe. Joan thought -it was like the rustle of countless leaves falling: the -tiny tapping noise made by a dying leaf as it settles -on the ground—multiplied enormously; but to Paul -it seemed that sudden, dream-like whirr of a host of -birds when they wheel sharply in mid-air—heard at -a distance. There was no question about the distance -at any rate.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are they just the trees of our woods, then?’ -asked Joan in a whisper that held delight and awe, -‘or——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The child laughed under her breath. ‘Oh, no,’ -was the reply, ‘all the South of England below a -certain line meets here. This is one of the great -starting-places. It’s just like swallows collecting on -the wires. Some big tree, higher than the rest, gives -a sign one night—and then all the other woods flock -in by thousands. Uncle Paul knew <em>that</em>!’ There -was a touch in her voice of something between scorn -and surprise.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Did you, Uncle Paul?’ Joan asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_295'>295</span>He fidgeted in his precarious perch. ‘I write the -Record of it all, so I ought to,’ he answered -evasively.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And high up in the autumn sky, now darkening, -ran on that curious sweet sound. Across the heavens, -silvery in the coming moonlight, they saw long -feathery clouds drawn thinly from north to south, -known commonly as mares’ tails.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Those are the tracks they follow,’ whispered -Nixie. ‘Look! Now you can see them—some of -them!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Her voice was so thrilled that it startled them. -But for the fact that they were in the Crack where -nothing can be ever ‘lost,’ both Paul and Joan might -have lost their hold and their seats—to say nothing -of their lives—and crashed downwards through the -branches of that astonished ilex tree. Instead, they -turned their eyes upwards and stared.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They looked out over the world of tree-tops. -On all sides rose Something in a silent tempest, -almost too delicate for words—something that -touched the air with a Presence, swift and wonderful—then -was gone. With it went the faint music as -of myriad wheeling birds, too small for sight. And -through the sky ran a vast fluttering of green. They -saw the coming stars, as it were, through immense -transparencies of green, stained here and there with -the washed splendours of wet and dying leaves—the -greens, yellows, aye, and the reds too, of autumn. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_296'>296</span>For a few passing seconds the night was positively -robed with the spirit-hues of the dying year, rising -rapidly in the sheets of their dim glory.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re off!’ murmured Nixie. ‘It’s the first -flight. We <em>are</em> lucky!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Far overhead the pathways of fleecy cloud were -tinged with pale yellow as when the moon looks -sometimes mistily upon the earth—tinged, then -suddenly white and silvery as before.</p> - -<p class='c011'>They collect—Paul drew upon the child’s account -for his Record—far over-seas upon some lonely strand -or headland, and then swarm inland, sometimes following -their companions, the birds, sometimes leading -them. In countless thousands they go, yet for all -their numbers never causing more than a passing -tremble of the air. Their armies add, perhaps, a -shadow to the night, a new tint to the clouds that -veil the moon; or, if owing to stress of autumn -weather, they start with the daylight, then the sunset -gains a strange new wonder that puzzles the heart -with its beauty, and makes unimaginative people -write foolish letters to the newspapers. Their speed -makes it difficult to catch even the slightest indication -of their flight; the sky is touched with glory, there -is a reflection in the river or the sea—and they are -gone! Or, perhaps, from the evergreens that stay -behind, often fringing the coast, the wind bears a -message of farewell, wondrous sweet; or some late -birds, delaying their own departure, wake in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_297'>297</span>branches and sing in little bursts of passion the joy -of their own approaching escape.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And when they return, each tree in the order of -its leaving, and according to its times and needs, they -bring with them all the essential glory of southern -climes, and the magic of spring is due as much to -the tales and memories they have collected to talk -about, as to the clear brilliance of the new dresses with -which they come to clothe their old bodies at home.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The Record of the Aventure, as Paul wrote it -faithfully from the child’s description, makes curious -and instructive reading, and the loneliness of the -stalwart evergreens who remain behind to face the -winter brought a pathos into the tale that all lovers -of trees will readily appreciate, and may be read by -them in the published account.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet to Paul and Joan, to each according to -temperament and cast of mind, the little Aventure -brought thoughts of a more practical bearing. To -him, especially, in the escape of the tree-spirits—of -their ‘insides,’ as Nixie intuitively phrased it—he -divined an allegory of the temporary escape of -the little army of city waifs. Those boys, old in -face as they were cramped in body, had enjoyed, too, -a migration that clothed them for a time, outwardly -and inwardly, with some passing beauty which they -could take back to London with them just as the -trees come back with the freshness of the spring.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And this thought led necessarily to others. The -<span class='pageno' id='Page_298'>298</span>little migration of their bodies from town was important -enough; but what of their minds and souls? -What chance of escape was there for these?</p> - -<p class='c011'>The conclusions are obvious enough; they need -no elaboration. He had already learned from Joan -of their sufferings. His heart burned within him. -It was all mixed up in his queer poetic mind with -the swift vision of the Tree-Spirits, and with the -picture of Joan, Nixie, and the other children perched -like big berries in that astonished ilex tree. In due -season both berries and dreams must ripen. He was -beginning to see the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They’re gone already,’ Nixie interrupted his long -reverie in a whisper; ‘and to-night there’ll be great -rains to wash away all the signs. To-morrow morning, -you’ll see, half the trees will be bare.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And high in the heavens, incredibly high and -faint it seemed, ran the curious sweet sound, driven -farther and farther into the reaches of the night, till -at last it died away altogether.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Gone,’ murmured Joan, ‘gone!’ The beauty -of it touched her voice with sadness. ‘I wish we -could go like that—as beautifully, as quietly, as -easily!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Perhaps we do,’ Paul thought to himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I think we do,’ Nixie said aloud. ‘Daddy did, I’m -sure. I shall, too, I think—and then come back in the -spring, p’rhaps.’</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_299'>299</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>See where the child of heaven, with wingéd feet,</div> - <div class='line'>Runs down the slanted sunlight of the dawn.</div> - <div class='line in36'><cite>Prometheus Unbound.</cite></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>Very often in life, when the way seems all prepared -for joy, there comes instead an unexpected time of -sadness that makes all the preparation seem useless -and of no purpose. Those coloured threads, whose -ends and beginnings are not seen, weave this unexpected -twist in the pattern, and one knows the bitterness -that asks secretly, What can be the use of efforts -thus rendered apparently null and void at a single -stroke? forgetting the roots of faith that are thereby -strengthened, and shutting the eyes to the glory of -the whole pattern, which it is always the endeavour -of the imagination to body forth.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And so it seemed to Paul a few weeks later when -he returned to England from America, where he had -been to settle up his affairs. For he had decided to -sever his connection with the Lumber Company, and -to devote his life henceforward to battling against the -wrongs and sufferings of childhood. The call had -come to him with no uncertain voice. Nixie had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_300'>300</span>unintentionally sown the seeds; Joan had deliberately -watered them; his own liberated imagination -girded its loins to go forth as a labourer to the -harvest.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then, coming back with the joy of this approaching -labour in his heart, the veil of great sadness -descended upon his newly-opening life and set him -in the midst of a dreadful void, a blank of pain and -loneliness that nothing seemed able to fill. Nixie -went from him. The Hand that gilds the stars, and -touched her hair with the yellow of the sands, drew -her also away. Just when her gentle companionship -had justified itself for him as something ideally -charming that should last always, a breath of wintry -wind passed down upon that grey house under the -hill, and, lo, she was gone—gone like the spirit of -her little birch tree from the cruelties of December.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He was in time to say good-bye—nothing more; -in time to see the awful shadow fall silently upon the -wasted little face, and to feel the cold of eternal -winter creep into the thin hand that lay to the last -within his own. Not a single word did he utter as -he sat there beside the bed, choked to the brim with -feelings that never yet have known the words to -clothe them. That cold entered his own heart too, -and numbed it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Nixie it was that spoke, though she, too, said -little enough. The lips moved feebly. He lowered -his head to catch the last breath.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_301'>301</span>‘I shall come back,’ he heard faintly, ‘just as the -trees do in the spring!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The voice was in his ear. It sank down inside -him, entering his very soul. For a moment it sang -there—then ceased for ever. With eyes dry and -burning, he buried his head in the tangle of yellow -hair upon the pillow, and when a moment later he -raised them again to speak the words of comfort to -his weeping sister, Nixie was no longer there to hear -him or to see.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I shall come back in the spring—just as the -trees do.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And so she died, leaving Paul behind in that sea -of loneliness whose waves drown year by year their -thousands and tens of thousands—the vast army that -know not Faith. Her blue eyes, so swiftly fading, -were on his to the last. It seemed to him that for a -moment he had seen God. And perhaps he had; -for Nixie assuredly was close to divine things, and -he most certainly was pure.</p> - -<hr class='c014'> - -<p class='c011'>Sad things are best faced squarely, very squarely -indeed; dealt with; and then—deliberately forgotten. -In this way their strength, and the beauty that -invariably lies within like a hidden kernel, may be -appropriated and their bitterness destroyed. But -such platitudes are easily said or written, and at first, -when Nixie left him, Paul felt as though the world -lay for ever broken at his feet.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_302'>302</span>What this elfin child had done for him must -appear to some exaggerated, to many, incredible; -for the relationship between them had somehow been -touched with the splendour and tenderness of a -world unknown to the majority. The delicate -intimacy between their souls, as between souls -of a like age, is difficult to realise outside the region -of fantasy. Yet it had existed: in her with a simple, -childlike joy that asked no questions; in him, with -an attempt at analysis that only made it closer and -more dear. What Paul had been to her was a secret -she had taken away with her; what she had been to -him, however, was to remain a most precious memory, -and at the same time a source of strength and happiness -that was to prove eternal.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Not, however, in the manner that actually came -about—and, at first, not realised by him in any -manner whatsoever.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, at first, he found himself alone, horribly -alone. What her little mystical heart of poetry had -taught him is hard to name. Expression, of course, -in its simpler form, and the joy of a sympathetic -audience; but more than that. In all fine women -lies hidden ‘the child’—the simple vision that pierces—and -perhaps in Nixie he had divined, and ideally -reconstructed for himself, the ‘fine woman’! Who -can say? A dream so rich and tender can never be -caught in a mere net of words. The truth lay -buried in the depths of his being, to strengthen and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_303'>303</span>to bless; and some few others may divine its -presence there as well as himself perhaps. The only -thing he understood clearly at the moment was that -he had been robbed of an intimate little friend who -had crept into every corner of his heart, and that—he -was most terribly alone.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_304'>304</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXV</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos yeux, donnez vos mains,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos mains magiciennes;</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Pour me guider par les chemins</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos yeux, donnez vos mains,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Vos mains d’Infante dans les miennes.</span></div> - <div class='line in22'>From <cite><span lang="fr">Les Unes et les Autres</span></cite>.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>There is nothing to be gained by dwelling upon -sadness; the details of Paul’s suffering may be left -to the imagination. It was characteristic of him that -he sought instinctively, and without cant, for the -Reality that lay behind his pain; and Reality—though -seas of grief may first be plunged through -to find it—is always Joy. For love is joy, and -joy is strength, and both are aspects of the -great central Reality of the life of the soul. The -child was so woven into the strands of his inmost -being that her going seemed, as it were, to draw out -with her these very strands—drew them out away -from himself towards—towards what? He hardly -knew how to name it. The word ‘God’ rarely -passed his lips: towards ‘Reality,’ then; towards -the deep things he had sought all his life.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Part of himself, however, the child had taken -<span class='pageno' id='Page_305'>305</span>away with her. He passed more and more away -from the things of the world, though these had -never yet held him with any security in their mesh. -Nixie had gone ahead, that was all. Before long, as -years measure time at least, he would follow her. -She might even come back, ‘like the trees in the -spring,’ to tell him of the way.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His great longing, unexpressed, had always been -to know something of the Beyond—to see into the -heart of things; not by the uninspired methods of -an unsavoury spiritualism, or the artificial forcing-house -of an audacious Magic; but by some inner, -as yet undetermined, way in his own heart. For he -had always clung to the secret belief that there must -be some interior way of finding ‘Reality,’ some -process, simple, piercing, profound, that would have -authority for himself, if not for all the world. In -the heart of all true mystics some such Faith is -ingrained. They are born with it. It is ineradicable—lived, -but rarely spoken.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the root of this belief it was that Nixie had -unknowingly watered and fed. Her going seemed -suddenly to have coaxed it almost into flower. His -need of the great, satisfying Companion that knows -no shadow of turning was incalculably quickened -thereby. Love and Nature were the veils that -screened the Beyond so thinly that he could almost -see through them; and to both these mysteries the -child had led him better than she knew.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_306'>306</span>The energy of his mystical yearnings suddenly -increased a hundredfold. Whether these remain -within to poison, or go out to bless, depends, of -course, upon the nature of the heart that feels them. -Paul, fortunately for himself, had found ways of expression; -he was always provided now with the safety -of an outlet. And, for the immediate moment, the -path was clear enough, and very simple. He was to -comfort the mother that mourned her; himself that -mourned her; the puzzled little brother and sister, -and even the army of more or less disconsolate four-footed -friends that missed her presence vaguely, and -haunted the door of her room with the strange -instinct that there must still be caresses for them -within, and that for the moment she was merely -hiding.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was Smoke, the furry black fellow, however, -always her favourite and his own, participant in all -their old Aventures, who brought him a strange -comfort by secret ways that no man understands. -For Smoke asked no questions. He knew; and -though he missed her in all their games, and meals, -and undertakings of every kind, in house or garden, -he showed no obvious symptoms of grief as a dog -might have shown. And sometimes he was positively -uncanny: he behaved almost as though he still saw -her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The others, however,——! With most of them -out of sight was out of mind. The kittens, now -<span class='pageno' id='Page_307'>307</span>growing up, purred and played as of old in the -schoolroom, and the Chow puppies, China and -Japan, more like yellow puddings than ever, tore -about the house, tumbling and thudding, as though -they had never known their little two-legged elfin -playmate. The household dropped back into the -old routine; Margaret, sadder, less alive than before, -pressed down by her new grief into the semblance of -a vision; and the children, hushed and pale, but -gradually yielding to the stress of bursting life which -at that age has no long acquaintance with grief.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was winter, and the woods and gardens were so -altered that the usual corners of play and mischief -were unrecognisable. ‘Out-ov-doors’ was dead, the -sunshine unreal, the darkness hovering close even -on the clearest day. The haunts that Paul and Nixie -knew were too much changed, mercifully for him, -who often sought them none the less, to remind him -keenly. The little silver birch tree that danced in -summer before the skirts of the fir wood was bare -and shivering in the winds. Behind it, however, -unchanged and shaggy, still stood the dark sheltering -pine, steady among the blasts.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And Paul, meanwhile, beyond the smaller sphere -of his immediate duties in the grey house under the -hill, took up with all the enthusiasm he could spare -from sorrow the work among the lost waifs. As has -been seen, he found the complete organisation ready -to hand. And, to his great satisfaction, he found, as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_308'>308</span>he became familiar with the detail, that it was work -suited to the best that was in him. He was the -right man in the right place.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Moreover, it was Dick’s scheme, and to lose -himself in it was to get into touch again delightfully -with the great friendship of his youth. Nixie, too, -who had meant when she grew up to provide a -Wood for Lost Children, seemed ever pushing him -forward from behind. Thus his zeal never lessened, -and he lost himself in others to some purpose.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The test of time, of course, proved this. At the -moment, however, it can only be known by the trick -of ‘looking at the last chapter’—which is unlawful, -as well as logically impossible. And, before he got -so far, he had first learned another profound truth: -that only he who carries in his heart a great sorrow, -borne alone, can know the mystery of interior Vision, -inspiring and truly marvellous, which comes from a -blessing so singularly disguised as pain.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_309'>309</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in30'>I feel, I see</div> - <div class='line'>Those eyes which burn through smiles that fade in tears,</div> - <div class='line'>Like stars half quenched in mists of silver dew.</div> - <div class='line in30'><cite>Prometheus Unbound.</cite></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>The readjustment of self—the renewal—that follows -upon great bereavement having thus been faced -courageously, Paul threw himself into his work with -energy. Every Friday night he came down to the -house under the hill, and every Monday morning -he returned to London. But the details of the -work, beyond the fact that their fulfilment blessed -both himself and those for whom he laboured, are -not essential to the story of what followed. For the -history of Paul’s education is more than anything -else a history of Aventures of the inner life. Outwardly, -his existence was quiet and uneventful.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Almost immediately with the disappearance of -his little friend, for instance, he discovered that the -region through the Crack—the land betweenyesserdayandtomorrow—became -more real, more extraordinarily -real, than ever before. The entrances -now seemed everywhere and always close; it was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_310'>310</span>the ways of exit that were difficult to find. He -lived in it. Even in London he moved among -those fields of flowers, and the winter gloom that -depressed the majority only enhanced the bright -sunshine that lay about his path. His thoughts -were continually following the windings of the river -to the far horizon; and the horizon, too, was wider, -more enticing and mysterious, more suggestive than -ever of that blue sea beyond where he had sailed -with that other Companion.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The land became mapped out and known with -an intimacy that must seem little short of marvellous -to those who have never even dreamed of the -existence of so fair a country. For, the truth was, -his Companion, who was now his guide and leader, -had suddenly revealed herself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It came about a few days after the funeral—when -the emptiness and hush of sorrow that lay -over the house found its exact spiritual correspondence -in the silence and sense of desolation that filled -his own heart. He was in his bedroom, battling -with that loneliness in loneliness which at the first -had threatened to overwhelm him. He had just -left his sister’s side, having soothed her with what -comfort he could into the sleep of weariness and -exhaustion. By the open window, as so often -before, he stood, staring into the damp winter -night. Smoke moved restlessly to and fro behind -him, sometimes sitting down to wash, sometimes -<span class='pageno' id='Page_311'>311</span>jumping on the bed and sofa as though to search -for something it could never find. Mrs. Tompkyns, -who had scratched at the door a few minutes before, -for the first time in her life, and for reasons known -to none but herself and her black companion, lay at -last curled up before the fire.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The room was filled with a soft presence, once -silvery and fragrant, but now draped with the newly -woven shadows that rendered it invisible. The -invasion was irresistible. His heart ached. He -knew quite well that his own soul, too, was being -measured for its garment of shadow—garment that, -unlike ordinary clothes, fits better and closer with -every year. He was in that dangerous mood when -such measurements are made only too easily, and -the lassitude of grief accepts the trying-on with a -kind of soft, almost pleasurable, acquiescence—when, -sharply and suddenly, a sound was audible outside -the window that instantly galvanised him into a -state of resistance. The night, hitherto still as -the grave, sighed in response to a rising wind. -And through his being at the same moment ran -the answering little Wind of Inspiration some one -had taught him to find always when he sought it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And the sound brought comfort. It was as -though an invisible hand had reached down inside -him and touched the source of joy!</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul turned quickly. Mrs. Tompkyns was awake -on the mat. Smoke rubbed against his legs. On -<span class='pageno' id='Page_312'>312</span>the table, where he had spread them a few minutes -before, were the black tie, the mended socks, the -unused bottle for nettle stings and scratches, and -beside them the faded spray of birch leaves, now -withered and shrivelled. And, as he looked, the -wind entered the room behind him, and he saw -that the brown branch turned half over towards -him. It rattled faintly as it moved. He was just -in time to rescue it from Smoke, who saw in the -sound and movement an invitation to play. He -pinned it out of reach upon the wall over the mantelpiece.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And it was just as he finished, that this sound -of wind sighing through the dripping and leafless -trees outside was followed by another sound—one -that he recognised.... There was a rush -and a leap, a swift, whistling roar—and the next -second he found himself among the sunny fields -of flowers that he knew, and heard the water lapping -at his feet ... through the Crack!</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Everybody’s thin <em>somewhere</em>,’ was what he almost -expected to hear; but what he did hear was another -sentence, followed by merry and delicious laughter: -‘Everybody can be happy somewhere!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And close in front of him, rising, it seemed, -out of the reeds and waves and yellow sands, -stood—that veiled Companion whom he knew to -be a part of himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She was turned away from him so that he could -<span class='pageno' id='Page_313'>313</span>not see her face, yet he instantly divined a movement -of her whole body towards him. Something -within himself rushed out to meet her half-way. -His life stirred mightily. The thrill of discovery -came close. The next second his arms were -about her and she was looking straight into his -eyes.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But her own eyes were no longer veiled; her -laughing face was clear as the day; the figure that -he held so close was Nixie, child and woman. If -ever it can be possible for two beings to melt -into one, it was possible then. Each possessed the -other; each slipped into the other.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Face to face at last!’ he heard himself cry. -‘Bless your little fairy heart! Why in the world -didn’t I guess you sooner?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>A flame of happiness sped through him, and -grief ran away utterly. The sense of loss that -had numbed his soul vanished. And when she -only answered him by the old mischievous laughter, -he asked again: ‘But how did you disguise yourself -so well—your voice, and everything——? -Even if your face <em>was</em> veiled I ought to have -recognised you! It’s too wonderful!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It was you who disguised me!’ she replied, standing -up close in front of him, and playing with -his waistcoat buttons as of old. ‘Your thoughts -about me got twisted—sometimes. You thought -too much. You should have <em>felt</em> only.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_314'>314</span>‘They never shall again,’ he exclaimed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘They never can. We are face to face now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul turned to look again more closely. He saw -her with extraordinary detail and vividness. It was -indeed Nixie, but Nixie exactly as he had always -wanted her, without quite knowing it himself; at -least, without acknowledging it. No gulf of age -was there to separate them now. She was the -perfect Companion, for he had made her so. He -smoothed her hair as they turned to walk by the -river, and he caught the old childish perfume of it -as it spread untidily over his shoulder, her eyes like -dropped stars shining through it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Isn’t it awfully jolly?’ she whispered: ‘we can -have twice as many aventures now, and you can go -on writing them for Jonah and Toby just the same -as before, only faster.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He felt her hand steal into his; his heart became -most strangely merged with hers. He had known a -similar experience in Canadian forests, when the -beauty of Nature had sometimes caught him up till -he scarcely felt himself distinct enough from it to -realise that he was separate. He now knew himself -as close to her as that. It was exquisite and yet so -simple that a little child might have felt it—without -perplexity. Perhaps it was precisely what children -always <em>did</em> feel towards what they loved, animate or -inanimate.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But how is it you can come so close?’ he asked, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_315'>315</span>though he fancied that he thought, rather than -spoke, the question.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Because, in the important sense, you are still a -child,’ he caught the answer, ‘and always have been, -and always will be.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The whole world belonged to him. In the midst -of the sea of sorrow he had discovered the little -island of happiness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘We never can lose each other—<em>now</em>!’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘As long as you think about me,’ she answered. -‘Please always think hard, veryhardindeed thoughts. -Through the Crack you can find everything that’s -lost——.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And we’re through the Crack now.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Rather!’</p> - -<hr class='c014'> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_316'>316</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in11'>... Straightway I was ’ware,</div> - <div class='line'>So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move</div> - <div class='line'>Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair;</div> - <div class='line'>And a voice said in mastery, while I strove,</div> - <div class='line'>‘Guess now who holds thee?’—‘Death,’ I said. But there</div> - <div class='line'>The silver answer rang—‘Not Death, but Love.’</div> - <div class='line in45'>E. B. B.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>... It was only when the sky grew dark and -the shadow of clouds fell over that sunny landscape -that he realised he was still standing half dressed -beside a dying fire, and that through the open -window behind him the cold night air brought -discomfort that made him shiver. He drew the -curtains, lit a candle, spoke a soft word or two to -the curled—up forms of Mrs. Tompkyns and Smoke, who -were far too busy in their own Crack-land to -trouble about replying, and so finally got into bed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He felt happier, strangely comforted. The -wings of memory and phantasy, withdrawing softly, -left a soothed feeling in his heart. In that region -of creative imagination known as the ‘Crack’ he -always found peace and at least a measure of joy. -Until sleep should come to captain his forces, he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_317'>317</span>deliberately turned the current of his thoughts to the -work he was about to take up in London. Nixie, -Joan, Dick—all helped him. His will erected an -iron barrier against the insidious attacks of sadness—the -disease which strikes at the roots of effort. He -would dream his dreams, but also, he would do his -work....</p> - -<p class='c011'>The shadows thickened about the house, crowding -from the heart of winter. The fire died down. -The room lay still. It was between one and two -o’clock in the morning, when silence in the country -is a real silence, and the darkness weighs. Chasing -Smoke and Mrs. Tompkyns down the winding -corridors of dream—Paul slept.</p> - -<p class='c010'>A faint sound in the room a little later made him -stir in his sleep and smile. His lips moved, as -though in that land of dreams where he wandered -some one spoke to him and he answered. Then the -sound was repeated, and he woke with a start, sat -up in bed, and stared hard into the darkness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The fire was quite out; nothing was visible but -the dim frame of the window on his right where he -had forgotten to draw the curtains. A glimmer of -light revealed the sash. Thinking it must be the -winter dawn, he was about to lie down again and -resume his slumbers, when the sound that had first -wakened him again made itself audible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A slight shiver ran down his spine, for the sound -<span class='pageno' id='Page_318'>318</span>seemed to bring over some of the wonder of his -dreams into that dark and empty room. Then, -with a tiny revelation of certainty, the knowledge -came that he was wide awake, and that the sound was -close in front of him. Moreover, he knew at once -that it was neither Smoke nor Mrs. Tompkyns. It -was a sound, deliberately produced, with conscious -intelligence behind it. And it shot through him -with the sweetness of music. It was like a breath -of wind that rustled through a swinging branch—of -a birch tree; as though such a branch waved to and -fro softly above his head.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His first idea was that some one was in the room, -and had taken down the spray of withered leaves -from the wall; and he strained his eyes in the direction -of the mantelpiece, trying to pierce the darkness. -In vain, of course. All he could distinguish was that -something moved gently to and fro like a spot of light—almost -like a fire-fly, yet white—about the room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>From some deep region of sleep where he had -just been, the atmosphere of dream was still, perhaps, -about him. Yet this was no dream. There <em>was</em> -somebody in the room with him, somebody alive, -somebody who wished to claim his attention—who -had already spoken to him before he woke. He -knew it unmistakably; he even remembered what -had been said to him while yet asleep! ‘How <em>can</em> -you go on sleeping when I am here, trying to get -at you?’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_319'>319</span>It was just as if the words still trembled on the air. -Confusedly, scarcely aware what he did, yet already -thrilling with happiness, his lips formed an answer:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Who are you? What is it you want?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>There was a pause of intense silence, during -which his heart hammered in his temples. Then a -very faint whisper gathered through the darkness:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I promised....’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The point of light wavered a little in the air, then -came low and seemed to settle on the end of the -bed. Into the clear and silent spaces of his lonely -soul there swam with it the presence of some one -who had never died, and who could never die.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Is that <em>you</em>——?’ The name seemed incredible, -for this was no Aventure through the Crack, yet -he uttered it after an imperceptible moment of -hesitation——‘<em>Nixie?</em>’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Even then he could not believe an answer would -be forthcoming. The light, however, moved slightly, -and again came the faint tones of a voice, a singing -voice:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course it is!’ There was a curious suggestion -of huge distance about it, as though it travelled like -an echo across vast spaces. ‘I’m here, close beside -you; closer than ever before.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He heard the words with what can only be -described as a spiritual sensation—the peace and -gratitude that follow the passion of strong prayer, -of prayer that believes it will be heard and answered.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_320'>320</span>‘You know <em>now</em>—don’t you?’ continued the -tiny singing voice, ‘because I’ve told you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Yes,’ he answered, also very low, ‘I know now.’ -For at first he could think of nothing else to say. -A huge excitement moved in him. Those invisible -links of pure aspiration by which the soul knits -herself inwardly to God seemed suddenly tightened -in the depths of his being. He understood that -this was a true thing, and possible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You’ve come back—like the trees in the spring,’ -he whispered stammeringly, after another pause, -gazing as steadily as he could at the point of clear -light so close in front of him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The real part of me,’ she explained; ‘the real -part of me has come back.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘The real part,’ he echoed in his bewilderment. -He began to understand.</p> - -<p class='c011'>But even then it all seemed too utterly strange -and wonderful to be true; and a subtle confirmation -of the child’s presence that followed immediately only -added at first to his increasing amazement. For both -Smoke and Mrs. Tompkyns, he became aware, had -jumped up softly upon the foot of the bed, and were -sitting there, purring loudly with pleasure, close -beneath the fleck of light. And their action made -him seek the further confirmation of his own senses. -He leaned forwards, hesitating in his bewilderment -between the desire to find the matches and the desire -to touch the speaker with his hands.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_321'>321</span>But even in that darkness his intention was divined -instantly. The light slid away like a wee torch -carried on wings.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No, Uncle Paul,’ whispered the voice farther off, -‘not the matches. Light makes it more difficult for -me.’ He sank back against the pillows, frightened -at the reality of it all. The old familiar name, too, -‘Uncle Paul,’ was almost more than he could bear.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Nixie——!’ he stammered, and then found it -impossible to finish the sentence.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Then she laughed. He heard her silvery laughter -in the room, exactly as he had heard it a hundred -times before, spontaneous, mischievous, and absolutely -natural. She was amused at his perplexity, at his -want of faith; at the absurd difficulty he found in -believing. He lay quite still, breathing hard, -wondering what would come next; still trying to -persuade himself it was all a dream, yet growing -gradually convinced in spite of himself that it -was not.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And don’t come too near me,’ he heard her -voice across the room. ‘Never try and touch me, I -mean. <em>Think of me at your centre.</em> That’s the real -way to get near.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Very slowly then, after that, he began to accept -the Supreme Aventure. He talked. He asked -questions, though never the obvious and detailed sort -of questions it might have been expected he would -ask. For it was now borne in upon him, as she said, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_322'>322</span>that only her <em>real</em> part had come back, and that only -<em>his</em> real part, therefore, was in touch with her. It -was, so to speak, a colloquy of souls in which physical -and material things had no interest. His very first -question brought the truth of this home to him with -singular directness. He asked her what the tiny -light was that he saw moving to and fro like a little -torch.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But I didn’t know there was a light,’ she -answered. ‘Where I am it is all light! I see you -perfectly. Only—you look so young, Uncle -Paul! Just like a boy! About my own age, I -mean.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And it is impossible to describe the delight, the -mystical rapture that came to him as he heard her. -The words, ‘Where I am it is all light,’ brought with -them a sudden sense of reality that was too convincing -for him to doubt any longer. From her simple -description he recognised a place that he knew. But, -at the same time, he understood that it was no <em>place</em> -in the ordinary sense of the word, but rather a <em>state</em> -and a <em>condition</em>. He himself in his deepest dreams -had been there too. That light had sometimes in -brief moments of aspiration shone for him. And the -curious sense of immense distance that came so -curiously with her tiny voice came because there was -really no distance at all. She was no longer conditioned -by space or time. Those were limitations -of life in the body, temporary scales of measurement -<span class='pageno' id='Page_323'>323</span>adopted by the soul when dealing with temporary -things. Whereas Nixie was free.</p> - -<p class='c011'>A sense of happiness deep as the sea, of peace, -bliss, and perfect rest that could never know hurry -or alarm, surged through him in a tide. He thought, -with a thrill of anticipation, of the time when his -own eyes would be opened, and he should see as -clearly as she did. But instantly the rebuke came.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Oh! You must not think about that,’ she said -with a laugh; ‘you have a lot to do first, a lot more -aventures to go through!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>As she spoke the light slid nearer again and -settled upon the foot of the bed. His thoughts -were evidently the same as spoken words to her. -She knew all that passed in his mind, the very feelings -of his heart as well. This was indeed companionship -and intimacy. He remembered how she had told -him all about it in the Crack weeks ago, before he -realised who she was, and before he knew her face -to face. And at the same moment he noticed -another curious detail of her presence, namely, that -the little torch—for so he now called it to himself—in -passing before the mirror produced no reflection -in the glass. Yet, if his eyes could perceive it, there -ought to have been a refraction from the mirror as -well—a reflection! Did he then only perceive it -with his interior vision? Was his spiritual sight -already partially opened?</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s your ’terpretation of me—inside yourself,’ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_324'>324</span>he caught her swift whisper in reply, for again she -<em>heard</em> his thought; and he almost laughed out aloud -with pleasure to notice the long word decapitated as -her habit always was on earth. ‘In your thoughts -I’m a sort of light, you see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The explanation was delightful. He understood -perfectly. The thought of Nixie had always come -to him, even in earthly life, in the terms of brightness. -And his love marvelled to notice, too, that she still -had the old piercing vision into the heart of things, -and the characteristically graphic way of expressing -her meaning.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The purring of the cats made itself audible. They -were both ‘kneading’ the bed-clothes by his feet, -as happy as though being stroked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘No, they don’t see,’ she explained the moment -the thought entered his mind; ‘they only feel that -I’m here. Lots of animals are like that. It’s the -way dogs know ’sti’ctively if a person’s good or bad.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Oh, how the animals after this would knit him to -her presence! No wonder he had already found -comfort with them that no human being could give.... -The thought of his sister flashed next into his -brain—the difficulty of helping her——</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I tried to get at her before I came here to you,’ -he heard, ‘but her room was all dark. It was like -trying to get inside a cloud. She’s cold and shadowy—and -ever such a long way off. It’s difficult to -explain.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_325'>325</span>‘I think I understand,’ he whispered.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You can get closer than I can.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ll try.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course. You must.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was Nixie’s happiness that seemed so wonderful -and splendid to him. Her voice almost sang; and -laughter slipped in between the shortest sentences -even. Brightness, music, and pure joy were about -her like an atmosphere. He was breathing a rarefied -air, cool, scented, and exhilarating. He had already -known it when playing with the children and enjoying -their very-wonderful-indeed aventures; only now -it was raised to a still higher power. In its very -essence he knew it.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Toby and Jonah are with me the moment they -sleep,’ she continued, ever following his least thought. -‘The instant their bodies fold up they shoot across -here to me. Toby comes easiest. She’s a girl, you -see. And Daddy’s here too——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Dick?’ he cried, memory and affection surging -through him with a sudden passion.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course. You’ve thought about him so much. -He says you’ve always been close to each other——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The voice broke off suddenly, and the torch of -light moved to and fro as though agitated. Paul -heard no sound, and saw no sign, but again, into the -clear and silent spaces of his soul, now opened so -marvellously, so blessedly to receive, there swam the -consciousness of another Presence....</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_326'>326</span>There was a long pause, while memory annihilated -all the intervening years at a single stroke....</p> - -<p class='c011'>His mind was growing slightly confused with it -all. His mortal intelligence wearied and faltered a -little with the effort to understand how time and -distance could be thus destroyed. He was not yet -free as these others were free.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘How is it, then, that you can stay?’ he asked -presently, when the light held steady again. By -‘you’ he meant ‘both of you.’ Yet he did not say -it. This was what seemed so wonderful in their perfect -communion; words really were not necessary. -Afterwards, indeed, he sometimes wondered whether -he actually spoke at all.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I was going on—at first,’ came the soft answer, -‘when I heard something calling me, and found I -couldn’t. I had something to do here.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What?’ he ventured under his breath.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘<em>You!</em>’ She laughed in his face, so to speak. ‘You, -of course. Part of you is in me, so I couldn’t go on -without you. But when you are ready, and have done -your work, we’ll go on together. Daddy is waiting, -too. Oh, it’s simply splendid—a very-splendid-indeed -aventure, you see!’ Again she laughed through that -darkened room till it seemed filled with white light, -and the light flooded his very soul as he heard her.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You <em>will</em> wait, Nixie?’ he asked.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I <em>must</em> wait. Both of us must wait. We are all -together, you see.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_327'>327</span>And, after another long pause, he asked another -question:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘This work, then, that keeps me here——?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Your London boys, of course. There’s no one -in the whole world who can do it so well. You’ve been -picked out for it; that’s what really brought you -home from America!’ And she burst out into such -a peal of laughter that Paul laughed with her. He -simply couldn’t help himself. He felt like singing at -the same time. It was all so happy and reasonable -and perfect.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You’ve got the money and the time and the -’thusiasm,’ she went on; ‘and over here there are -thousands and millions of children all watching you -and clapping their hands and dancing for joy. I’ve -told them all the Aventures you wrote, but they -think this is the best of all—the London-Boys-Aventure!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He felt his heart swell within him. It seemed -that the child’s hair was again about his eyes, her -slender arms clasping his neck, and her blue eyes -peering into his as when she begged him of old in the -nursery or schoolroom for an aventure, a story.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘So you’ll never give it up, will you, Uncle -Paul?’ she sang, in that tiny soft voice through the -darkness.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Never,’ he said.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Promise?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Promise,’ he replied.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_328'>328</span>The thought of those ‘thousands and millions’ -of children watching his work from the other side -of death was one that would come back to strengthen -him in the future hours of discouragement that he -was sure to know.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And much more she told him besides. They -talked, it seemed, for ever—yet said so little. Into -mere moments—such was the swift and concentrated -nature of their intimacy—they compressed -hours of earthly conversation; for his thoughts were -heard and answered as soon as born within him, and -a whole train of ideas that the lips ordinarily stammer -over in difficult detail crowded easily into a single -expression—a thought, a desire, a question half -uttered, and then a reply that comprehended all. -There was no labour or weariness, no sense of effort.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Moreover, when at length he heard her faint -whisper, ‘Now I must go,’ it conveyed no sense of -departure or loss. She did not leave him. It was -more as though he closed a much-loved book and -replaced it in his pocket. The pictures evoked do -not leave the mind because the cover is closed; they -remain, on the contrary, to be absorbed by the heart. -Nixie’s silvery presence was <em>in him</em>; he would always -feel her now, even when his thoughts seemed busy -with outer activities.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The little torch flickered and was gone; but as -Paul gazed into the darkness of the room he knew -that the light had merely slipped down deep into -<span class='pageno' id='Page_329'>329</span>himself to burn as an unfailing beacon at the centre -of his soul. And then it was that he realised other -curious details for the first time. Some of the more -ordinary faculties of his mind, it seemed, had been -in suspension during the amazing experience, while -others had been exalted as in trance. For it now -came to him that he had actually <em>seen</em> her—with a -clearness that he had never known before. That -torch lit up her little form as a lantern lights up a -person holding it in darkness. Just as he had felt -all the sweet and essential points of her personality, -so also he had been vividly aware of her figure in -the terms of sight—eyes, hair, sunburned little hands, -and twinkling feet. Her very breath and perfume -even!</p> - -<p class='c011'>If the working of his ordinary senses had been in -abeyance so that he hardly knew the hunger for -common sight and touch, he now realised that it was -because they had been replaced by these higher -senses with their keener, closer satisfaction. And -this intimate knowledge of her was as superior to the -ordinary methods as flying is to crawling—or, better -still, as a draught of water in the throat is to dipping -the fingers in the cup.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For who, indeed, shall define the standard of -reality? And who, when the senses are such sorry -reporters, shall declare with authority that one thing -is false and could not happen, and another is true -and actually did happen?</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_330'>330</span>Experiences of the transcendental order are, -perhaps, beyond the power of precise words to -describe, for they are not common enough to have -become incorporated into the language of a race. -And words are clumsy and inadequate symbols at -best. The deepest thoughts, as the deepest experiences, -ever evade them. It is difficult to convey -the sense of fierce reality the presence of Nixie -brought to him. It flooded and covered him; -spread through and over him like light; entered -into his essential being to cherish and to feed, just -as the body assimilates earthly nourishment. He -absorbed her. She nourished while she blessed him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>She had told him the secret: <em>to think centrally</em>. He -now began to understand how much nearer he could -be to others by thinking strongly of them than by -walking at their side. Physical touch is distant -compared to the subtle intimacy of the desiring -mind. The mystical conception of union with God -came home to him as something practically possible.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Yet when he got up a few minutes later to write -down the conversation as he remembered it, the mere -lighting of the candle, the noise of the match, the -dipping of his pen in the ink—all contrived somehow -to bring him down to a lower order of things that -dimmed most strangely the memory of what had -just passed. Most of what he had heard escaped -him. He could not frame it into words. All he -<span class='pageno' id='Page_331'>331</span>could recapture is what has been here set down so -briefly and baldly.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It then seemed to him—the thought laboured to -and fro in his mind as he got back into bed and -sleep came over him—that it was only the Higher -Self in him that had been in communication with the -child. The eternal part of him had talked with the -eternal part of her. In the body, however, this was -commonly submerged. Her presence had temporarily -evoked it. It now had returned to its Throne at -the core of his being.</p> - -<p class='c011'>All that he remembered of the colloquy was the -little portion that, as it were, had filtered through -into his normal self. The rest, the main part, -however, was not lost. He had absorbed it. If he -could not recall the actual words and language, he -understood—it was his last thought before sleep -caught him—that its <em>results</em> would remain for ever.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And those who have known similar experiences -will understand without more words. The rest will -never understand. Perhaps, after all, the best and -purest form of memory is—<em>results</em>.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_332'>332</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'><span lang="it">... Ne son già morto; e ben ch’ albergo cangi,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="it">resto in te vivo, ch’ or mi vedi e piangi,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="it">se l’ un nell’altro amante si trasforma.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>And one of the clearest impressions that remained -next morning when he woke was that he had actually -<em>seen</em> her. The reality of it increased with the daylight -instead of faded. While he dressed he sang to -himself, until it occurred to him that his signs of -joy might be misunderstood by any of the household -who heard; and then he stopped singing and moved -about the room, smiling and contented.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Something of the radiance of that little white -torch still seemed in the air. The heavy gloom of -the chill December morning could not smother it. -Something of it remained too about him all day like a -halo; looking out of his eyes; communicable, as it -were, from the very surface of his skin to all with -whom he came in contact. His sister, especially, and -the children felt the comfort of his presence. They -followed him about from room to room; they clung -close; they were instinctively aware that peace and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_333'>333</span>strength emanated from him, though little guessing -the real source of his serene and tranquil atmosphere.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For, of course, he told no one of what had -happened. During the day, indeed, it lay in him -submerged and unassertive, like the presence of some -great glowing secret, feeding the sources of energy -for all his little outward duties and activities, yet -never claiming individual attention itself. Only with -the fall of night, when the doings of the day were -instinctively laid aside like a garment no longer -required, did it again swim up upon him out of the -depths, and speak.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Now!’ he heard the tiny singing voice, ‘we can -be alone. Your body’s tired. I can get closer to -you.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’ve felt you by me all day, though,’ he said, as -though it were the most natural thing in the world.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course,’ came the answering whisper, soft as -moonlight, ‘because I never left you for a single -moment. I was in everything you did—in your -very words. Once or twice, I even got into -mother too, <em>through you</em>, and made her feel better. -Wasn’t that splendid?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Paul longed to give the child one of his old hugs—to -feel her little warm and sunny body pressed -against his own. Instead, her laughter echoed -suddenly all about the room.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘That’s impossible now!’ he heard. ‘I’m ever -<span class='pageno' id='Page_334'>334</span>so much closer this way. You’ll soon get used to it, -you know!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>This spontaneous laughter was the music to -which all their talks were set. He laughed too, and -blew the candles out.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I tried very hard to say the true things,’ he -murmured, referring to her remark about comforting -his sister.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I know you did. That’s how I got into her—through -you. You must go on and on trying. In -the end we’ll get her all soft and happy again. She’ll -feel me without knowing it.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>Suddenly it struck him that, although the room -was dark, he did not see the light of the little torch -as before. He missed it. He was just going to -ask why it was absent when the child caught his -thought and replied of her own accord:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Because it’s spread all over now, instead of being -just a point. You are in it, I mean. There’s light -everywhere about you now, and I see you much -clearer than last time.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>The explanation described exactly what he felt -himself.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Let them in, please,’ Nixie suddenly interrupted -his thoughts again. ‘They’re both coming up the -stairs. It was very naughty of you to forget them, -you know.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>After a moment of puzzled hesitation he understood -what she meant, and was out of bed and across -<span class='pageno' id='Page_335'>335</span>the floor. He did not wait to light a candle, but -opened the door and stood there waiting in the -darkness. Almost at once two soft, furry things -brushed past his feet as Smoke, followed by Mrs. -Tompkyns, marched into the room, uttering that -curious sharp sound of pleasure which is something -between a purr and a cry. They disappeared among -the shadows beyond the fireplace, and Paul sprang -back into bed again pleased that they were there, yet -annoyed with himself for having forgotten them.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But it was my fault <em>really</em>,’ she laughed. ‘I’ve -been with them out in the garden, and they’ve only -just got in through the pantry window. My presence -excites them awfully. Oh, it’s all right,’ she added -quickly, in reply to his further thought; ‘Barker’s -very late to-night doing the silver. But he’ll shut -the window before he goes.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was his turn to laugh. She had caught his -thought about the window almost before it reached -the surface of his mind. Moreover, he found that -both Mrs. Tompkyns and Smoke had very cold wet -soles under their padded little feet.</p> - -<p class='c011'>In this way, most strangely, sweetly, naturally, -even the trivial details of their daily life as they had -always known it together, intermingled with the talk -that was often very earnest, mystical, and pregnant -with meanings. It was in every sense a continuation -of their former relationship, touched on her side with -a greater knowledge—almost as though she had -<span class='pageno' id='Page_336'>336</span>suddenly developed to the point she might have -reached in time upon the earth; on his side, with -a delicate sense of accepting guidance from some one -with greater privileges than himself, who had come -back on purpose to help and inspire him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For more and more it seemed to partake of the -nature of genuine inspiration. Speech came direct -and swift as thought, without hesitation or stammering -as in the flesh. She told him many things, often -quaintly enough expressed, but that yet seemed to -hold the kernel of deep truths. There had never -been the least break in their companionship, it -seemed.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I knew all this before,’ she said, after a singular -exchange of questions and answers about the nature -of communion with invisible sources of mood and -feeling, ‘only I suppose my brain had not got big -enough, or whatever it was, to tell it. Like your -poets you used to tell me about who couldn’t find -their rhymes, perhaps.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And her laughter flowed about him in a rippling -flood that instantly woke his own. They always -laughed. They felt so happy. It was a communion -between old souls that surely had bathed deeply in -the experiences of life before they had become imprisoned -in the particular bodies known as Paul -Rivers and Margaret Christina Messenger.</p> - -<p class='c011'>He became convinced, too, more and more that -she really did not speak at all—that no actual sound -<span class='pageno' id='Page_337'>337</span>set the waves of air in motion—but that she put her -words into him in the form of thoughts, and that he -it was, in order to grasp them clearly, who clothed -them with the symbols of sound and language. It -was essentially of the nature of inspiration. She -<em>blew</em> the ideas into his heart and mind.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And many things that he asked her were undoubtedly -little more than his own thoughts, half-formed -and vague, lying in the depths of him.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then, over there, where you now are, is it—more -real? Are you, as it were, one stage nearer -to the great Reality? What’s it like——?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s through the real “Crack,” I think,’ she -answered. ‘Everything is here that I imagined—but -<em>really</em> imagined—on earth. And people who -imagined nothing, or wanted only the world, find -very little here.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then is the change very great——?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It doesn’t seem to me like a change at all. I’ve -been here before for visits. Now I’ve come to stay, -that’s all!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘You yourself have not changed?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>She roared with laughter, till he felt that his -question was really absurd.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course not! How can I change? I’m -always Nixie, wherever I am!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But you feel different——?’ he insisted.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I feel better,’ she answered, still laughing. ‘I -feel awfully jolly.’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_338'>338</span>Then after a long pause he asked another question. -It was really a question he was always asking in one -form or another, only he had never yet put it so -directly perhaps. He whispered it from a grave and -solemn heart:</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Are you nearer to—God, do you think?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was a word he rarely used. In his conversations -with the child on earth he had never once used -it. She waited a long time before replying. Instinctively, -very subtly, it came to him that she did -not know exactly what he meant.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I’m <em>in</em> and <em>with</em> Everything there is—Everywhere,’ -she said softly. ‘And I couldn’t possibly be -nearer to anything than I am.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>More than that she could not explain, and Paul -never asked similar questions again. He understood -that they were really unanswerable.</p> - -<p class='c011'>And it was the same with other thoughts, thoughts -referring to the fundamental conditions of temporal -existence, that is. Nothing, for instance, made time -and space seem less real than the way she answered -questions involving one or other. Out of curiosity -he had gone to the trouble of reading up other -records of spirit communion—the literature (saving -the mark) of Spiritualism brims over with them—and -he had asked her some question with regard to the -detailed geography there given.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘But there’s no <em>place</em> at all where I am,’ the child -laughed. ‘I am just <em>here</em>. There was no place really -<span class='pageno' id='Page_339'>339</span>in our Aventures, was there? Place is only with -you on earth!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And another time, talking of the ‘future’ when -he should come to join herself and Dick at the close -of his earthly pilgrimage, she said between bursts -of the merriest laughter he had ever known: ‘But -that’s now! already! You come; you join us; we -<em>are</em> all together—always!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And when he insisted that he could not possibly be -in two places at once, and reminded her that she had -already told him she was ‘waiting’ for his arrival, -the only reply he could get was this jolly laughter, -and the assurance that he was ‘awfully muddled and -c’fused’ and would ‘never understand it <em>that</em> way!’</p> - -<p class='c010'>The main thing these ‘silent’ conversations taught -him seemed to be that Death brings no revolutionary -change as regards character; the soul does not leap -into a state much better or much worse than it knew -before; the opportunities for discipline and development -continue gradually just as they did in the body, -only under different conditions; and there is no -abrupt change into perfection on the one hand, or -into desolation on the other. He gathered, too, that -these ‘conditions’ depended very largely upon the -kind of life—especially the kind of thought—that -the personality had indulged on earth. The things -that Nixie ‘imagined’ and yearned for, she found.</p> - -<p class='c011'>His communion with her became, as time passed, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_340'>340</span>more frequent and more real, and soon ceased to -confine itself only to the quiet night hours. She was -with him all day long, whenever he needed her. -She guided him in a thousand unimportant details of -his life, as well as in the bigger interests of his work -in London with his waifs. And in murky London -she was just as close to him as in the perfumed -stillness of the Dorsetshire garden, or in the retirement -of his own chamber....</p> - -<p class='c011'>And one singular feature of their alliance was -that it continued even in sleep. For, sometimes, he -would wake in the morning after what had been -apparently a dreamless night, yet later in the day -there would steal over him the memory of a long -talk he had enjoyed with the child during the hours -of so-called unconsciousness. Dreams, forgotten in -the morning, often, of course, return in this fashion -during the day. There is nothing new or unusual in -it. Only with him it became so frequent that he -now rose to the day’s work with a delightful sense of -anticipation: ‘Perhaps later in the day I shall remember! -Perhaps we have been together all night!’</p> - -<p class='c011'>And in this connection he came to notice two -things: first, that after these nights together, at first -forgotten, he woke wonderfully refreshed, blessed, -peaceful in mind and body; and secondly, that what -recalled the conversation later was always contact -with some object or other that had been associated -with the child. Thus—the picturesquely-mended -<span class='pageno' id='Page_341'>341</span>socks, the medicine bottle for scratches, or the spray -of birch leaves, now preserved between the pages of -his Blake, never failed in this latter respect.</p> - -<p class='c011'>It was curious, too, how the alliance persisted and -fortified itself during the repose of the body; as -though, during sleep, the eternal portion of himself -with which the child communed, enjoyed a greater -measure of freedom. It recalled the closing lines of -a sonnet he had always admired, though his own -experience was true in a literal sense hardly contained, -probably, in the heart of the poetess:</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c006'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>But when sleep comes to close each difficult day,</div> - <div class='line in2'>When night gives pause to the long watch I keep,</div> - <div class='line in4'>And all my bonds I needs must loose apart,</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Must doff my will as raiment laid away—</div> - <div class='line in2'><em>With the first dream that comes with the first sleep</em></div> - <div class='line in4'><em>I run, I run, I am gathered to thy heart.</em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c011'>He filled a book with these talks as the years -passed, though to give them in more detail could -serve little purpose but to satisfy a possible curiosity. -They had value and authority for himself, but for -the majority might seem to contain little sense, or -even coherence. They expressed, of course, his own -personal interpretation of life and the universe. And -this was quite possibly poetic, queer, fantastic—for -others. Yet it was his own. He had learned his -own values in his own way, and was now engaged -in sorting them out with Nixie’s fairy help to -guide him.</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_342'>342</span>And all souls that find themselves probably do -likewise. The strength and blessing they shed about -them as a result is beneficial, but the close details of -the process by which they have ‘arrived’ can only -seem to the world at large unintelligible, possibly -even ridiculous; and this late interior blossoming -of Uncle Paul, though it actually happened, must -seem to many a tissue of dreams knit together with -a strange fantastic nonsense.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_343'>343</span> - <h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos yeux, donnez vos mains,</span></div> - <div class='line in2'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos mains surnaturelles;</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Pour me conduire aux lendemains</span></div> - <div class='line'><span lang="fr">Donnez vos yeux, donnez vos mains,</span></div> - <div class='line in2'><span lang="fr">Vos mains comme deux roses frêles.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>And thus, as the region where he met and held -communion with the freed child seemed to draw -deeper and deeper into his interior being, the reality -and value of the experience increased.</p> - -<p class='c011'>That there was some kind of definite external -link, however, was equally true; for the cats, as well -as certain other of the animals, most certainly were -aware sometimes of her presence. They showed it in -many and curious ways. But it was distinctly a shock -to Paul to learn one day from his sister that queer -stories were afoot concerning himself; that some of -the simple country folk declared they had seen ‘Mr -Rivers walking with a young lady that was jest like -Miss Nixie, only taller,’ who disappeared, however, -the moment the observer approached. And the way -the household felt her presence was, perhaps, not -less remarkable, for more than one of the servants -gave notice because the house had become ‘haunted,’ -<span class='pageno' id='Page_344'>344</span>and there had been seen a ‘smallish white figure, all -shiny and dancing,’ in his bedroom, or going down -the corridor towards his study.</p> - -<p class='c011'>Perhaps the glamour of his vivid creative thought -had cast its effect upon these untrained imaginations, -so that his vision was temporarily communicated to -them too. Or, perhaps, they had actually seen what -they described. But, whatever the explanation may -be, the effect upon himself was to increase, if that -were possible, the reality of the whole occurrence....</p> - -<p class='c011'>And when the spring came round again with its -charged memories of perfume, and sight, and the -singing of its happy winds; when the tree-spirits -returned to their garden haunts, all flaming with the -beauty of new dresses gathered over-seas; when the -silver birch tree combed out her glittering hair to -the sun and shook her leaves in the very face of that -old pine tree—then Paul felt in himself, too, the -rejuvenation that was going forward in all the world -around him. He tasted in his heart all the regenerative -forces that were bursting into form and energy -with the spring, and knew that the pain and desolation -he had felt temporarily in the winter were only -spiritual growing-pains and the passing distress of a -soul forging its way outwards through development -to the best possible Expression it could achieve.</p> - -<p class='c011'>For Nixie came back, too, gay and glorious like -the rest of the world—sometimes dressed in blossoms -of lilac or laburnum, sometimes with skirts of daisies -<span class='pageno' id='Page_345'>345</span>and feet resting upon the Little Winds, sometimes -with the soft hood of darkness over her head, the -cloak of night about her shoulders, the stars caught -all shivering in her hair, and dusk in the deeps of -her eyes....</p> - -<p class='c011'>His life became ‘inner’ in the best sense—a Life -within a Life; not given over to useless dreaming, -but ever drawing from the inner one the sustenance -that provided the driving force for the outer one: -the mystic as man of action!</p> - -<p class='c011'>The Wind of Inspiration blew for him now always, -and steadily; but it was no longer the little wind -that stirred the measure of his personal emotion into -stammering verse, but the big, eternal wind that -‘blew the stars to flame,’ and at the same time -impelled him irresistibly along the path of High -A’venture to the loss of Self in work for others....</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then why is it we are in the body—and spend -so much time there?’ he asked in one of those -intimate and mysterious conversations he held with -the child to the very end of his life. ‘Why need -the soul descend to such clumsy confinings?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>For their talk was very close now about ‘real -things,’ and neither found any difficulty in the words -of question or answer.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘To get experience that can only be got through -the pains of limitation,’ the answer sang within him, -as he lay there upon the lawn beneath the cedars, -absorbing the spring beauty. ‘Everything is doing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_346'>346</span>the same thing everywhere—from Smoke, Mrs. -Tompkyns and Madmerzelle, right up to you, me, -Daddy, and the waifs! They all have a bit of -Reality in them working upwards to God. Even -stones and plants and trees are learning experiences -they could learn only in those particular forms—’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘I know it! Of course, I know it!’ Paul -interrupted, with a rush of joy in his heart he could -not restrain; ‘but go on and tell me more, for I -love to hear your little voice say it all.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘It’s only, perhaps, that the stones are learning -patience and endurance; the flowers sweetness; the -trees strength and comfort; and the rivers joy. -Later they change about, so that in the end each -‘Bit of Reality’ has gathered all possible experiences -in nature before it passes on into men and women.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Think, Uncle Paul, of the joy of a stone, who -after centuries of patience and endurance, cramped -and pressed down, knows suddenly the freedom of -wind and sea! Of the restlessness of flame that, -after ages of leaping unsatisfied to the sky, learns -the repose of a tree, moved only by the outside -forces of wind and rain! And think of the delight -of all these when they pass still further upwards -and reach the stage of consciousness in animals and -men—and in time enter the region of development -where I—where you and I, and all we knew and -loved, continue together, ever climbing, fighting, -learning——’</p> - -<p class='c011'><span class='pageno' id='Page_347'>347</span>It was curious. Afterwards he could never -remember the way she ended the sentence. For -the life of him he could not write it down. Definite -recollection failed him, together with the loss of the -actual words. Only the general sense remained in -such a way as to open to his inner eye a huge vista -of spiritual endeavour and advance that left him -breathless and dizzy when he contemplated it, but -at the same time charged most splendidly with -courage and with hope.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then the pains of limitation,’ he remembered -asking, ‘the anguish of impossible yearnings that -vainly seek expression—these are symptoms of growth -that in the end may produce something higher -and nobler?’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Must!’ he heard the answer amid a burst of -happy laughter, as though from where she stood it -were possible to look back upon earthly pangs and -see them in the terms of joy; ‘just like any other -suffering! Like the stress of heat and pressure -that turns common clay into gems——’</p> - -<p class='c011'>He interrupted her swiftly, high hopes crowding -through his spirit like the rush of an army.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Then the life in us all—the “Bits of Reality” in -you and me—have passed through all possible forms -in their huge upward journey to reach our present -stage——?’ He stammered amid a multitude of -golden memories, half captured.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘Of course, Uncle Paul, of course!’ he caught -<span class='pageno' id='Page_348'>348</span>deep, deep within him the silvery faint reply. ‘And -your love and sympathy with trees, winds, hills, with -all Nature, even with animals’—again her laughter -ran out to him like a song—‘is because you passed -long ago through them all, and <em>half remember</em>. You -still <em>feel with</em> them, and your imagination for ever -strives to reconstruct the various beauty known in -each stage. You remember in the depths of you the -longings of every particular degree—even of the -time when your soul was less advanced, and groping -upwards as your London waifs grope even now. This -is why your sympathy with them, too, is deep and -true. You <em>half remember</em>.’</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘And Death,’ he whispered, trembling with the -joy of infinite spiritual desire.</p> - -<p class='c011'>The answer sank down into him with the Little -Wind that stirred the cedars overhead, or else rose -singing up from the uttermost depths of his listening -heart—to the end of his days he never could tell -which.</p> - -<p class='c011'>‘What you call Death is only slipping through the -Crack to a great deal more memory, and a great deal -more power of seeing and telling—towards the -greatest Expression that ever can be known. It is, I -promise you faithfully, Uncle Paul, nothing but a -very-wonderfulindeed Aventure, after all!’</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c003'> - <div><em>Printed by</em> <span class='sc'>R. & R. Clark, Limited</span>, <em>Edinburgh</em>.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c002'> -</div> -<div class='tnotes x-ebookmaker'> - -<div class='chapter ph2'> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c001'> - <div>TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES</div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - - <ol class='ol_1 c003'> - <li>Silently corrected obvious typographical errors and variations in spelling. - - </li> - <li>Retained archaic, non-standard, and uncertain spellings as printed. - </li> - </ol> - -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EDUCATION OF UNCLE PAUL ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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