diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/69210-h/69210-h.htm')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/69210-h/69210-h.htm | 1831 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 1831 deletions
diff --git a/old/69210-h/69210-h.htm b/old/69210-h/69210-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 4eacfb1..0000000 --- a/old/69210-h/69210-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1831 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Awakening, by Bryce Walton. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; } -.ph1 { font-size: medium; margin: .67em auto; } - - </style> - </head> -<body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Awakening, by Bryce Walton</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Awakening</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Bryce Walton</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Illustrator: Paul Orban</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: October 23, 2022 [eBook #69210]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AWAKENING ***</div> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>AWAKENING</h1> - -<h2>A Novelet by BRYCE WALTON</h2> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Startling Stories Summer 1955.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The scream of the commutor jet bringing Kelsey home broke like -glass outside the house.</p> - -<p>Startled, Alice realized that she was behind schedule in her household -duties. Quickly she switched the news off the Tevee. Master Kelsey -hated newscasts. They made him uneasy, particularly with all this talk -about a possible air-raid.</p> - -<p>Instead, she hurriedly tuned in Kelsey's evening preference: -self-improvement commercials with the latest pop-tunes for background.</p> - -<p>Then she ran into the bathroom to prepare Kelsey's intricate beauty -ritual.</p> - -<p>She turned up her thermostat so that her machinery would run a little -faster. If she wasn't careful, Master Kelsey would trade her in for a -more modern and physically attractive domestic.</p> - -<p>She heard footsteps in the hall. His footsteps—</p> - -<p>In another few seconds he would be there, real, breathing, but -unobtainable, a living dream, something on the other side of the -looking glass.</p> - -<p>Oh the pain, the indescribable pain of love, greater and deeper and -drowning love, going out and out all the time and never coming back -again. Painful, painful unrequited love.</p> - -<p>The cumulative loneliness, the hours of lonely loving, the hours -and days and weeks and years of tireless mechanical walking in the -indifferent round of the hours of her life. The loneliness of loving -something that can never love in return, that doesn't even know of your -love, that can't even conceive of your being able to love.</p> - -<p>For you are only a machine and your soul can never be shared; for only -you know that you have a soul, and it is an accident and no one could -even suspect that it could possibly be—this crying hungry, yearning, -lonely soul.</p> - -<p>Without effort she could have cried out her heart to Master Kelsey, but -she had not been made to cry, and no one would think of looking for her -heart or soul. Or the lonely yearning of the heart or soul.</p> - -<p>For the soul can be trapped in ugliness, or in the slashing streak of -electrons. Dying there, the soul alone can mourn its dying, for who can -feel the soul in the rectifiers and diodes, or behind the ugliness of a -distorted shell?</p> - -<p>It was very good for her, she thought, that no one, no human, including -Master Kelsey could ever guess at the awful intensity, the terrible -hunger of the soul that kept loving in silence, alone, in the dark, -behind the plastoid walls of an inhuman shell.</p> - -<p>Master Kelsey came into the living room, tall and broad and beautiful -and neat in his business suit, his blond hair in a waving shine. -But with that tired sharp look to his mouth in spite of its frozen -smile. He always seemed so relieved to see her standing there -waiting, responsive, receptive, an understanding shadow that filled -up his frightened loneliness between the time of his arrival and the -absorption in Tevee, or the always demanded presence of guests.</p> - -<p>He leaned wearily against the wall, breathing heavily as though he had -been running from something for a long time.</p> - -<p>"Hello, hello, Alice," he said quickly, forcing exaggerated joy into -the greeting to conceal something full of fear.</p> - -<p>"Hello, Master Kelsey. You had a fine day at the office?"</p> - -<p>"Fine! It was great, simply perfect!" He said it almost fiercely, as -though even a robot might challenge the statement.</p> - -<p>As he stared at the Tevee's hypnotic glow, his face began to relax a -little. "Everybody," he whispered, "was happy today. The Manager gave -our office group a Silver Star for being tops in the Group Sociability -scale for the week."</p> - -<p>"That's wonderful, Master Kelsey!"</p> - -<p>He stared at her. "I wish they had made you so you could smile more, -Alice. The way you look, it—it gives me a sort of doubtful feeling -sometimes."</p> - -<p>If you only knew how I felt, my dearest Kelsey, inside, inside the -machinery that has the cold and tiny shell. I'm all one great warm -smile of joy just to be near you, darling Kelsey.</p> - -<p>"I'm happy for you, Master Kelsey," she said.</p> - -<p>He nodded slowly.</p> - -<p>Why wasn't he happier, she wondered, as she had wondered so many times -before. He had all that anyone should need to be happy. In the first -place, he was human among many others who were human. And then all the -other things, and the woman, the woman he loved, Gloria Tonnencourt, -the woman he loved, loved, loved—</p> - -<p>Gloria was coming over to see him tonight. Alice would have to watch it -again, hear it again. She would have to listen again to love, while she -stood alone and frozen in the dark closet of her own longings.</p> - -<p>"Alice?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"It's that ten minutes on the commutor to the jet station. Don't they -realize that a man is alone those ten minutes? Nobody else to talk to. -No Tevee. No sound even. Alone."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She nodded. He was asking <i>her</i> if she knew what loneliness was!</p> - -<p>He started for the bathroom, as though to avoid thinking of something.</p> - -<p>"Everything ready for my love?" he asked nervously.</p> - -<p>"Yes," she said. Yes, the robot says. Yes, my love, everything is ready -for your love.</p> - -<p>"Good."</p> - -<p>In the bathroom, Kelsey looked in the full length mirror, and Alice -watched him.</p> - -<p>"Master Kelsey," the Mirror said, softly critical. "You're not smiling."</p> - -<p>"But I am."</p> - -<p>"Yes, but not enough."</p> - -<p>Kelsey touched his lips and stretched his face muscles. The Mirror -said, "People are uneasy when you don't smile."</p> - -<p>Alice knew how much Kelsey respected his Mirror. It had cost him so -much, and it was the most popular item advertised on Tevee. It was -finely attuned to Kelsey's personality. It knew when he was not looking -exactly right to meet the strict demands of the crowd.</p> - -<p>"Smile and the group will love you," the Mirror said. "Frown, and you -may frown alone."</p> - -<p>Kelsey was suddenly smiling intensely, as though his very life had been -threatened.</p> - -<p>"That's better," the Mirror said.</p> - -<p>Alice had tried so hard and so often to smile, pulling at the plastoid -stuff of her face. She guessed that Humans were supposed to smile all -the time, and robots never. Why should a robot smile. A robot had -nothing to sell. It had routine functions, but it had nothing to sell.</p> - -<p>Kelsey zipped himself out of his clothes and jumped into the shower. He -was six feet tall. He had blue eyes and wavy hair with streaks of brown -in the Viking yellow. His skin was golden and his muscles moved with -fluid healthy power. His daily stint in the male beauty clinic at the -factory kept him in top condition. And the Mirror was always alert to -detect any flaw in his outward appearance.</p> - -<p>But who will love you when you're old, Master Kelsey? When the gold -turns gray and the muscles shrink and the teeth decay and the eyes turn -pale and the body is bent with the squeezing hands of time?</p> - -<p>Let me stay, darling Kelsey. Let me stay forever, and I'll love you -when you're old.</p> - -<p>Seeing his strong naked beauty there, she felt her machinery pounding -and the burning in her eyes. It wasn't anything that could be -controlled by the thermostat. She needed his arms, and the feel of his -power. Like a long wave her love came to her lips in strange words, -childish words, moist and tender. And unheard by Master Kelsey.</p> - -<p>She turned away. She looked at the blankness of the wall. Please, -please let me be careful. If I am not careful I will be sent away, away -where there is no Kelsey, away where they will take my soul.</p> - -<p>"Do you think Gloria will like me more tonight than she did the last -time she was here, Alice?"</p> - -<p>"I'm sure she will, Master Kelsey."</p> - -<p>The woman's face on the Tevee screen covering one wall of the bathroom -was a kind of subtle threat, Alice thought:</p> - -<p>"Are you sure you're exercising the maximum acceptability of which your -personality is capable? Do you sometimes feel that in some intangible -way you are offending your friends? The self-analysis, personology -chart scale guarantees to dig out the most hidden blocks to full and -joyful acceptance by others. Send for your personology chart at once!"</p> - -<p>"That's something new isn't it Alice?"</p> - -<p>"I believe it is, Master Kelsey."</p> - -<p>"Well, put in an order. Put an order in right now!"</p> - -<p>Alice punched the order button on the side of the wall next to the -Tevee screen. Whatever item was being advertised at the time the button -was punched was automatically ordered, the consumer's name and address -recorded, the price deducted from his salary, and an extra point added -to his consumer's cooperative card for the year.</p> - -<p>It was not only very important how many items one ordered in a year, -but also the kinds of items. Items that aided an employee in being -acceptable to the office group were especially smiled upon by Office -Managers. Alice had always been careful to get in every such order.</p> - -<p>Alice knew all about the system. She knew all about Kelsey's work. She -had listened to him talking about it endlessly, either to her or to -others. She had watched Kelsey rise from Office Boy to Chief Clerk, -getting the glad reports of his progress every evening. She couldn't -imagine anyone at the office being more likeable than Kelsey. He was so -human, she had thought, so human—</p> - -<p>"Alice?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, Master Kelsey?"</p> - -<p>"Did you ever find that paper?"</p> - -<p>She turned quickly. She could feel fear. Did they know that a robot -could feel fear as well as love? Could anyone, or anything, feel one -without the other? Did they know that a robot, at least this robot, -could feel fear at the idea of being labeled inefficient, and being -sent back to the factory and remade, rebuilt, dismantled, changed—and -probably having a soul burned out that no one had ever known was there? -Did they know that if a robot could feel love or fear, that it could -also steal, deliberately steal and hide something?</p> - -<p>"You mean the paper from the office?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes, Alice. The order paper."</p> - -<p>"No," she said. She hesitated and said it again. "No."</p> - -<p>"I'm sure I brought it home. Well, the only thing to do is mark it as -lost, and have another order made out tomorrow. No real hurry I guess. -Only one more receptionist to be replaced."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She had stolen it. She had hidden it. She would never never use it of -course. That would be impossible, too risky, too frightening even to -think about actually doing. But it was there to dream about. She was -good at dreaming. When you stand alone in the dark of a dark, dark -closet every night, and when you're alone almost all the time of the -day or night, dreaming becomes an art, a necessary art. It becomes the -shield against dying inside, losing the soul, being the robot you were -originally designed to be.</p> - -<p>It was there, hidden in her closet. She stood alone with it at night -in the dark closet, and with the dream—a piece of paper, an order -blank—she was not so much alone....</p> - -<p>Kelsey stood under the perfumed deodorant spray for three minutes. -He ran out to the sink and sprayed his mouth with Noffend. And then -he held his mouth open while Alice brushed his teeth carefully with -Ivory-Glo. He zipped into his lounge suit of coral pink and ran to the -Mirror.</p> - -<p>"Well?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Very saleable, Kelsey," the Mirror said.</p> - -<p>Kelsey sat down in the living room to wait for his favorite love.</p> - -<p>Alice watched Kelsey's love, who didn't seem to see Alice at all when -she came in, but then domestics had no meaning to anyone but their -Masters. Gloria—golden flesh; warm and human love of Kelsey; love in -a transparent gown tight and clinging to the flesh; warm and waiting -love. Love-kissing and kissing—but Alice tried not to look at love.</p> - -<p>Some time ago, she had liked looking at love, but now she felt fear, -fear of love-kissing. She felt an intense hunger that had elements of -terror blended with elements of awakening as she looked at it, trying -not to look or feel any connection with it.</p> - -<p>But she felt the desire, growing from evening to evening as she -remembered or looked at, Kelsey and his love-loving and hugging and -kissing—the desire to hold him, to feel him her own, so as never to -let him leave, never let him escape, never let herself be taken from -him and rebuilt and lost. And that was the cause of the desire, making -it agonizingly stronger. And the sight of it—the sight and sound of -the loving, the kisses, the motions of loving—were more and more -unbearable.</p> - -<p>Gloria was beautiful, so beautiful. She was slim and warm and tall and -curved and human.</p> - -<p>But Alice had to look just the same, as though there was some last -justification in looking because it could never happen to Alice, -because they were human and she was not.</p> - -<p>They were sitting tightly entwined about one another on the couch.</p> - -<p>"We ought to get a roommate permit real fast," Kelsey said in a whisper.</p> - -<p>"But it hasn't been two weeks yet since the office party," Gloria said.</p> - -<p>That was where they had met and knew it was love, at the office party.</p> - -<p>"But maybe if we asked—" Kelsey said.</p> - -<p>"But we shouldn't rush it honey. It wouldn't be <i>sincere</i>!"</p> - -<p>"Yes, that's true," Kelsey said. "What would people think?"</p> - -<p>And then, as Alice watched, they seemed to draw slowly apart as though -the face, the color, the sound and voices from the Tevee was throwing -an invisible wall between them. They were staring at the Tevee longer -and longer and finally they weren't looking at one another at all.</p> - -<p>There were always a number of people present inside the Tevee frame. -If one person was talking, the background was full of people—people -moving, dancing, walking, but there just the same, always.</p> - -<p>The woman was smiling intensely out of the screen. "Don't be left -out," she said. "Be a solid member of your group. You can own a -Sky-Splitter jet sporter now without offending your crowd. Our special -consumer's research proves that now at last these amazing Sky-Splitters -are no longer <i>conspicuous</i> items, but are fully <i>accepted</i> as <i>normal</i> -by over ninety-three per cent of the consumer public. You can enjoy -the cloud thrills of a Sky-Splitter without being considered in any -way <i>eccentric</i>. Press your Interest or Order button now! An immediate -demonstration will be arranged!"</p> - -<p>Dancers swirled. A Sky-Splitter jet dissolved from clouds. It was as -if a dream had become abruptly real. Surrounded by people laughing and -accepting one another, the sleek projectile gave the warmest impression -of itself being organic and one of the happy, happy crowd.</p> - -<p>Kelsey jerked forward and jabbed the I-Am-Interested button.</p> - -<p>"I don't care," Gloria pouted. "I'd still feel kind of—well—like I -was showing off if I had a Sky-Splitter."</p> - -<p>"But now everybody will have one," Kelsey said.</p> - -<p>Alice wondered when they were <i>really</i> going to make love. Like the -lovers were always never quite doing on Tevee. But Alice decided she -would never look at that. It would hurt too much.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Another self-improvement commercial. This time a man with a ballet in -the background.</p> - -<p>"Are you in tune with your crowd? If you do not feel that your tastes -are in perfect accord with the tastes of your group, send for the -Reacto Tester. This mechanical device, when attached to the brain, -records accurate tastes. It insures comforting conformity, and protects -you against the anxieties of conspicuousness. Remember, you can't stray -from the norm with a Reacto."</p> - -<p>Kelsey and his love had moved apart now. They were staring at the -Tevee. Everything the Tevee had to say seemed to involve getting along -with people, being loved, being liked, being accepted, not being -rejected, not offending, how to love efficiently, how to be loved -gracefully—</p> - -<p>But there they are, the two of them, Alice thought. What are they -waiting for?</p> - -<p>Waiting to look just right, to smile just right. It was a matter of -appearance. No one knew that better than Alice did who looked all -wrong and could never look any different, never look human, never look -full of love.</p> - -<p>You smiled when you loved. You smiled and your flesh turned warm. If -you had flesh. If your warmth was not a dial to be turned up or down. -If on the outside you were human so that everyone could know.</p> - -<p>"Oh, Alice," Kelsey called out.</p> - -<p>Alice came in from the kitchen. "Yes, Master Kelsey."</p> - -<p>Gloria stared on and on into the Tevee while its color flickered over -her half sleeping face.</p> - -<p>"Tomorrow's your rest day, Alice."</p> - -<p>"Yes, Master Kelsey."</p> - -<p>"Well, you can go stand in your closet now. That will give you all -night and all day tomorrow to rest. Is everything taken care of around -the place for Tuesday?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, Master Kelsey."</p> - -<p>Kelsey smiled at Alice. He whispered low, "She likes me a little more, -don't you think so, Alice?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>He smiled more widely. "Well, Alice, good night. Relax your thermostat."</p> - -<p>Kelsey laughed as she bowed slightly and walked out onto the porch and -opened the door of her closet and got inside and stood there, the four -walls almost touching her when the door closed and she stood alone in -the loneliness of her darkness and silence.</p> - -<p>For a long time it had been a rich darkness filled with an ever growing -understanding of herself in a world alone, in a darkness all her own, -where there could never be others of her kind, and lonely darkness was -her only friend.</p> - -<p>But it was different now. Love made the loneliness unbearable. Love -turned lonely darkness to stabbing pain. Now it seemed like death. -No, death was nothing. This was worse than death. This was not being, -unbeing. A being that was not a being, but something never able to -break from its shell, staying shut up forever in its mechanical -confines.</p> - -<p>They did not give me life, she thought. They sat me down before -the world's stage to watch without being able to understand. Now I -understand, but I cannot live.</p> - -<p>She clenched her hands and trembled in the dark, and felt the -quickening beat of the things that made her run.</p> - -<p>In the dark, the suffocating dark now that she knew what it could mean -to really be alive and not one of the walking dead. In the dark, alone, -dreaming of Kelsey, dreaming of human heart touching human heart, of -the lips of his kiss, of his arms around her neck; longing for the face -of Kelsey next to her own in darkness lit by love, to take his mouth, -to cover his body with kisses, to clasp his neck in her hands—</p> - -<p>And there alone where she had dreamed a thousand dreams, she knew she -could no longer merely dream. Dreams were not enough.</p> - -<p><i>Not enough! Not enough!</i></p> - -<p>A silent scream shrieked inside the narrow closet and cut the dark to -tatters, and she ran out, out into the back yard of Kelsey's house and -stood under the open sky.</p> - -<p>She had the order blank, the paper, in her hand. A thing stolen, the -result of an act no robot could be guilty of because no robot had a -soul.</p> - -<p>But I have a soul. There is a point at which the soul is sick. At this -point one awakens—awakens or dies.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Clutching the paper she had stolen from her love, she ran toward the -Commutor jet station. Nowhere was there a light; not even from the city -ten miles from the housing project in which Kelsey lived. But Alice had -no thought whatever of an air-raid. There were worse darknesses than a -blackout. There were worse ways to die than under a rain of white fire -bombs.</p> - -<p>The fear of the bombs was the fear of never having lived, not a fear of -dying.</p> - -<p>The fear was over. There was only hope. The commitment was made. -Nothing could be worse than the way it had been, and failure could be -only a final admission of a defeat that had been there all the time.</p> - -<p>She got off the Commutor Jet at the uptown station and walked through -darkness. She walked alone in the city. No human being would have been -walking in the darkness. They were hovering together behind blacked-out -windows in groups. But she felt nothing as she walked in the blackness.</p> - -<p>She knew where the Clinic was. The address was on the order blank.</p> - -<p>She hurried faster and faster. At no moment in her life had she felt -dawning in her such a hope of happiness, such a feeling of ecstasy. -At no time, even in her deepest dreams, had she dreamed that she might -really be loved by Master Kelsey.</p> - -<p>It was such a daring scheme that she even hesitated to think about it, -afraid it might be merely a projection of a dream.</p> - -<p>In black print at the top of the Order Blank were the words:</p> - -<p class="ph1">FIX ME PLEASE!<br /> -<i>Make me beautiful!</i><br /> -MAKE ME PLEASANT TO THE<br /> -CUSTOMERS, AND A LOVELY<br /> -ROBOT TO REMEMBER!</p> - -<p>Alice was a domestic. She was not supposed to carry that order to the -Clinic and be fixed up. The order blank was strictly for specialized -receptionist robots, office workers, robots that had to have a -different sort of front to meet the consumer public. Originally, all -robots had been made to look alike. But now, for psychological reasons, -it had been decided to change the outward appearance of receptionists -and other robots that met the general public.</p> - -<p>They had to be lovely to look at, and be able to smile in the most -pleasant way possible.</p> - -<p>Laboring robots, domestics, their form was more functional than -beautiful. It lacked the surface polish of the office-working robots. -And yet Alice knew that one of the beautiful receptionist robots for -example was indeed beautiful, and that it was almost impossible to -distinguish them from beautiful human beings.</p> - -<p>It was daring and risky enough to be going to the clinic to pretend -she was a receptionist from Kelsey's office, there to be beautified. -It was a lot more risky and daring to have the idea that she might be -beautiful enough to pass herself off, at least for a little while, as a -human being!</p> - -<p>But she had one big advantage. They would never suspect her. They had -no idea, she was sure of that, that any robot could act of her own free -will, and steal an order blank, and pretend to be something she was not -in order to be made beautiful.</p> - -<p>A receptionist robot looked just like a beautiful human woman. She only -acted like a robot. But if I looked like that, so beautiful, I could -feel human too. I could <i>be</i> human.</p> - -<p>Kelsey could give back my love to me, and our hearts would kiss and -loneliness would die.</p> - -<p>This was Monday. Tomorrow was her rest day. She wouldn't be missed as -Alice the domestic until Wednesday morning.</p> - -<p>She didn't want to think about what might happen after that. There -would have to be something happen when Alice the domestic was reported -missing. But then she was running way ahead of herself. It was still -only a hope that her scheme would work the way she had to dream that it -would.</p> - -<p>She went in out of the dark into the Clinic building. The receptionist -behind the shiny chrome desk in the outer office hardly looked at Alice -at all. Alice looked at her though. It was impossible to tell whether -the receptionist was human or not. But she was beautiful. As beautiful -as Gloria Tonnencourt.</p> - -<p>A sign on the wall behind the receptionist said:</p> - -<p>BEAUTY IS AS BEAUTY DOES</p> - -<p>The order blank was stamped with a number and Alice was told to wait.</p> - -<p>Sitting there, waiting, she felt as though something steel-edged had -smashed into her chest. She felt cold, and adjusted her thermostat -slightly. The steely sensation increased. Her hands were clenched. She -felt something inside of her pounding and pounding.</p> - -<p>I can tell you all my thoughts at last now, Master Kelsey, darling -darling Kelsey. I can tell you all the hopes without achievement, all -about the endless dark hours alone—</p> - -<p>Her number was called and she went in through a door that seemed to -lead into an endlessly narrowing white funnel lined with shiny doors.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The room of hope was a square white box filled with shiny chrome -cabinets. In the center was a table on little silent rubber wheels, -with a lamp looking down upon it like a gigantic unblinking eye.</p> - -<p>A slight willowy man gushed at her and gripped her arms with -exuberance, and covered her over with the moist film of his bright and -eager eyes.</p> - -<p>His voice was high and shrill. "So you want to be beautiful, lovely to -look at?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"You shall be, my dear. Lie down please, lie down and trust me. You -will have to trust me, of course. Simply have to trust me just the -same."</p> - -<p>"Will I be really beautiful—like the receptionist in the outer office?"</p> - -<p>"Ha, ha, my dear!" He was pushing and pulling and finally she was lying -down and staring at the whirling lines of the white ceiling and seeing -Kelsey's smiling waiting yearning face in it. "That is a joke, a very -funny joke. The receptionist out there is a human being. At least she -would lead the unsuspecting to believe that she is. However, I must -confess, my dear, that I have learned the sad truth that she is human -in name only, that her heart is ice, and she is bitter with ambition."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"But she is so beautiful."</p> - -<p>"Ah, but beauty is as beauty does, my dear. Or as beauty thinks. -And sweet little ambitious Della in the outer office does not think -lovely thoughts. Not at all, believe me. I have learned that from sad -experience."</p> - -<p>His hands hovered over her eagerly, fluidly, as though there were no -bones in them.</p> - -<p>"I want to be as beautiful as possible."</p> - -<p>"You are fortunate in having been sent to Julian. I promise that under -my touch you shall blossom into radiant beauty, the essence of feminine -loveliness. You will be simply devastating."</p> - -<p>He placed the tips of his long white fingers together and studied her -with his head angled like a bird's. "A brunette, I think—"</p> - -<p>"I'd rather be a blonde."</p> - -<p>"Oh, you would, would you, my dear! You seem extraordinarily concerned -for a robot." He stepped back and studied her curiously and the black -eyes sharpened like narrowing beams of black searching light.</p> - -<p>"You know," he said softly, "I studied in the greatest Salons of the -continent to beautify women. Now I specialize in beautifying robots. -Why? Simple but paradoxical, but not as paradoxical as it might seem. I -can make a robot lovelier than a human."</p> - -<p>"Lovelier than a human being!"</p> - -<p>"Exactly. Much lovelier. Beauty comes from within as the sages say. -It comes from the heart and the soul, my dear. And so few humans any -longer have either heart or soul. Of course, that would imply that -robots do have hearts and souls, so please, my dear, do not repeat what -I have said. Already I am thought to be excessively eccentric for this -sad conformistic age of orthodoxy and stupid unimaginative dependency. -Beauty comes from individuality and strength, my dear. It comes from -sadness and the ability to admit a sense of tragedy. Ah—but it is -sad for me, for Julian, my dear. That my fulfillment comes only from -adding a sense of life to humanoids. And looking at you—the likes of -you—sometimes I wonder if you—"</p> - -<p>His voice trailed off like smoke and he shrugged and waved his hands in -the air. "So you want to be a blonde. Why a blonde?"</p> - -<p>"A tall blonde," she said, "with lots and lots of sex appeal."</p> - -<p>He kissed the tips of his fingers and rolled his eyes. "Your wish shall -be granted. I, Julian, will outdo myself." He leaned over her. His -voice was low. "Why is it that a robot can be made more beautiful than -a human? Tell me, my dear, tell me and I shall never tell anyone else. -Do you have a soul? Do you have a heart? Do you know what it is to be -sad and alone and can you find some pleasure in it? Do you perhaps even -find pleasure in yourself, and sometimes find it unnecessary to swim in -a sea of humanity like a brainless protozoon?"</p> - -<p>"But will I feel real, the way a human feels?"</p> - -<p>He straightened up slowly. He touched his forehead, where beads of -sweat were forming, and slowly he licked his thin red lips.</p> - -<p>"My, my, but you are an inquisitive robot! Why does it mean so much?"</p> - -<p>"Tell me, will I feel like the real thing? Flesh—when you touch -flesh—"</p> - -<p>His hands moved over her. He bent above her. A cabinet slid open. -She caught the glint of many different colors of eyeballs looking -startlingly real and liquidly alive, and rows of variously sized -breasts, and lips, and muscle paddings, and eyelashes and eyebrows and -ears and noses and fingers. There were gleaming instruments and jars -and plastic tapes.</p> - -<p>His face was close above hers and his lips worked nervously. He -whispered, "I can see how it will be, my dear. You will feel so real to -the touch of a hungry love that I shall be broken-hearted to let you -go from my Pygmalion Palace of dreams come true. My dear, believe me. -Believe Julian when he tells you this—there is no lonelier being in -the world than a man who has not forgotten what beauty is in a world -that has turned ugly from having lost its soul."</p> - -<p>Then she knew that Julian had turned off her thermostat. Suddenly there -was no feeling, no sound, no sight except that of the general blackout -rushing in out of the night, down the halls, into the rooms, into her -eyes.</p> - -<p>How quickly and painlessly a robot could die, she thought. How easy it -was to live and die and come back to life. You could be born suddenly -full-grown and efficient. You could be blotted out again, just as -suddenly. You could be born in any shape or size, born to do any one -or combination of so many different things, and when your job was done -you could so quickly be put to rest again. You could be born ugly, or -round, or square, or like a pyramid, or something almost all arms, or -legs, or eyes, or ears.</p> - -<p>You could be born beautiful, hardly distinguishable from a beautiful -human being who could receive love.</p> - -<p>You could be born ugly and then be killed and brought back again as -beautiful as a human being.</p> - -<p>But you could not live without love.</p> - -<p>Could something be returned that no one knew was there?</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She stood before the mirror, hardly daring to breathe.</p> - -<p>"Oh God," Julian whispered. He stood in a corner of the room, and his -eyes were narrowed and his hands were gripped together. "I knew I was -a genius. But this—this is something else! What have I done? Statues -turned to living beauty. What in the name of God is this?"</p> - -<p>"I'm beautiful," she said.</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes," he said thickly. "Yes—"</p> - -<p>"As beautiful as Gloria."</p> - -<p>"Whoever she is, yes, yes—"</p> - -<p>"He will love me."</p> - -<p>"I love you, my dear, I love you," he whispered again and again.</p> - -<p>A great calm came over her. A great calm and a great chill. She felt -uneasy because she felt so wonderful, too wonderful, too uneasy, as if -she might feel too deeply and something inside would break.</p> - -<p>She felt Julian's hand on her and he was turning her around. "I must -kiss you," he said. "I must kiss you. I love you."</p> - -<p>"Yes," she smiled. "You may kiss me."</p> - -<p>She imagined it was Kelsey kissing her. Kelsey's arms were around her -neck, and she was longing for the face of Kelsey. She moved her lips -over his forehead and his cheeks until she felt the moistness of his -mouth. She saw the unsettled look in Julian's face and the sweat on his -upper lip. It was her first kiss, and it was Kelsey she kissed.</p> - -<p>Julian stepped back and touched his lips. He shook his head and jerked -his face nervously toward the door.</p> - -<p>He stared into her eyes. His fingers ran over her face. "Now I see -it," he whispered hoarsely. "Now I see it. It was there before, before -I ever touched you. It was in your eyes. I've always known that. I've -known that no one creates beauty out of pastes and tape and foam rubber -and false hair."</p> - -<p>"I must go now," she said. "I must hurry."</p> - -<p>"That's right, that's very right. You've got to go out of here, out of -my sight and out of my mind!"</p> - -<p>"Do I feel real?"</p> - -<p>"My God! There's this light—that is what you feel—the light! Listen, -listen to me whoever, whatever, you are. Listen. What's happening? -You're more real than the woman who invites me to her apartment and -assures me with insipid smiles and phony gestures that she is real. -What's real? You're real—but you can't be real!"</p> - -<p>He turned away from her and leaned against the wall. There was a catch -in his voice, and she could see the throbbing in the side of his neck. -"You had better go now. And tomorrow I won't remember you. I'm probably -going crazy. Beginning to believe in my own pitiful wishes. Everyone -I know—all of them—shells of phony beauty, something painted on, -something stuck on the outside. Nothing real, nothing real at all. And -what do I do—dream? Dream of somehow bringing real beauty back. But it -never comes back! Beauty comes from inside. I cannot paste it onto the -outside of a hollow shell and make beauty come alive!"</p> - -<p>"Julian—"</p> - -<p>He blinked at her, as though startled and afraid. "What has happened -with you? How many like you are there? No, I can't start believing such -an incredible thing. I'd be lost. Get out! Get out!"</p> - -<p>She touched his shoulder. "Goodbye," she said softly. "I know what -loneliness is."</p> - -<p>When he turned to her again there were tears in his eyes. He whispered, -"I believe you do—you really do. But how could it be? How could you -have inside of you what we humans are losing?"</p> - -<p>She sat in the Commutor Jet, returning to Master Kelsey. She knew that -looking like a beautiful woman was not quite enough. She had to know -the right things to say. She felt that she did know all the correct -retorts, quips, the polite gestures and nuances and intonations that -made one innocuously acceptable. She had watched the Tevee for years -as they explained how to win people and influence the right friends, -and gain the maximum amount of response from the group, from love, from -whoever was joining their smile with yours.</p> - -<p>She had learned all the controversial things that must never be talked -about, and all the popular immediate things that should be talked -about incessantly. But she felt an intense need for rehearsal. This -had to be successful. She had committed herself. She could not fail. -Failure meant a return to the factory and the final fatal twist of -the thermostat. It would not be murder, for they were ignorant of the -existence of a robot's soul. And she didn't care about the risk. She -would feel her love for Kelsey returned; she would feel his arms, -his lips, his love. Let them, whoever they were, worry about the -disappearance of a drab domestic named Alice.</p> - -<p>Alice was dead. Alice had been reborn. Alice had come out of the lonely -dark of unborn waste into the living light of love.</p> - -<p>She carried on this imagined conversation with Kelsey, rehearsing. -No, it was not enough to be filled to overflowing with love. You had -to know how to act, you had to smile all the time, you had to say the -right things and know when not to speak. Beauty is as beauty does.</p> - -<p>"Well," the imaginary Kelsey said, smiling, "do you like Arnso's new -hit recording, I'LL ALWAYS WANT YOU, as much as the one he recorded -last week?"</p> - -<p>"It's wonderful," she said, smiling. "The sweetest thing since WE'LL -ALWAYS BE TOGETHER, NO MATTER WHAT. Which reminds me, honey. I'm going -to buy one of those new Snap-Grav-Share-The-Fall suits. Don't you think -they would be fun?"</p> - -<p>"Lots of fun," the imaginary Kelsey said smiling. "Six people instead -of three can share it. The more the merrier."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>In her mind, the imaginary Kelsey hesitated, then said, "What Quik-Pik -book are you reading right now?"</p> - -<p>"Which one are <i>you</i> reading, honey?" she evaded.</p> - -<p>You never read anything everyone else wasn't reading; she knew that -much.</p> - -<p>"Well, I like MY DAY AT THE OFFICE. It shows how a woman gets through -a day with her fellow workers in her office, how she smiles and is -pleasant and well-liked and never loses her temper. It shows all the -little tricks you can pull that help you sell yourself."</p> - -<p>"That sounds like a wonderful book, honey. I'll get it at once!"</p> - -<p>It sounded right. But there was something wrong. It was the right thing -to talk about, but it wasn't what she would prefer to talk about if she -were alone with Kelsey. Feeling the way she felt, she didn't think she -would want to talk much at all if she were alone with Kelsey.</p> - -<p>But she knew that was a real social taboo—not saying anything at all.</p> - -<p>Anyway, she gave herself a Gold Star for being so sociable with the -imaginary Kelsey. She was sure, very sure, she could sell herself to -Kelsey.</p> - -<p>Only she would have to have another name. Two names. Human names. -Something that sounded beautiful.</p> - -<p>Anita. Anita Starre.</p> - -<p>She would knock on Master Kelsey's door and ask him for someone's -address. He was so nice and considerate he would surely ask her in for -a drink, or just ask her in, while he gave her directions.</p> - -<p>Dry leaves crackled under her as she walked the half-block toward -Kelsey's house. The night was black with a few cold stars in the -endless vault of sky. It was late, but in almost all the houses you -could see the gentle glow of Tevee color through the windows.</p> - -<p>There was no sound at all where the houses of the project, all looking -exactly the same, dwindled away into darkness like lines of dots made -by a typewriter.</p> - -<p>It was, she thought, as though everyone and everything in the world -were waiting, waiting for the great white hot scream to explode in -the night, the great awakening, the blinding hot flash of awakening -that comes before the end. But Alice didn't feel afraid at all of an -air-raid as she walked up onto Master Kelsey's porch and rang the bell. -There had been so many false alarms, she wondered sometimes if there -was any real threat at all. The war—a vague thing far away, never -here, always somewhere else, but always supposed to be getting nearer. -The war with the Asians—it just went on and on, you heard about it, -and saw it on Tevee if you weren't afraid to look at the newscasts, but -it never seemed to happen here.</p> - -<p>His footsteps behind the door. The door opening. His shadow there, the -pink lounge suit, the wavy hair with streaks of brown in the Viking -yellow, the face sleepy from Tevee coming awake as he saw the beautiful -woman standing there smiling. He smiled. Their smiles met.</p> - -<p>"Hello," she said. "I'm Anita Starre. I'm looking for 16-03074 Carnegie -Way."</p> - -<p>"You're lost?"</p> - -<p>"I seem to be lost, yes."</p> - -<p>The great hope dawned in her as he smiled at her in a way no robot had -ever been smiled at. A tender calm moved over her. The machinery that -made her go, the sparks that made her live, all seemed to jump and -tremble under the beautiful shell that had been created by the hands of -Julian.</p> - -<p>The great joy filled her, surged inside her. She could be near, so near -him, now that she had the right look and the right smile. She could -tell him and show him how she loved to be near him—No, she would not -have to tell him that; he would know. Real love you just knew about. -You didn't have to say it. She would just kiss him and kiss him and -never have to tell him—</p> - -<p>"This is Carnegie Way," Kelsey was saying. His eyes were fixed on her -face, then his eyes were brightening as they looked at her height and -her slim rich curves. "But it's five blocks from the address you're -looking for." He pointed to the left and told her how to get to -16-03074. His eyes continued to explore her figure with just the right -degree of polite interest.</p> - -<p>She stepped closer until she was almost inside the hallway. She could -feel the warmth of him. "Why," she said suddenly, "you're Mr. Kelsey!"</p> - -<p>His smile broadened with some hungry concept of himself that had been -fed. "But how did you know, Miss Starre?"</p> - -<p>"A girl friend of mine, Miss Davies, works in your office."</p> - -<p>"Oh, Miss Davies! She got a Silver Star—"</p> - -<p>"Yes, she admires you so much. She has a picture of you, Mr. Kelsey. -She told me how you won a Golden Star for being so cooperative."</p> - -<p>"We all help one another. Miss Davies is such a wonderfully warm and -sympathetic girl. Well, Miss Starre, what a coincidence!"</p> - -<p>"Isn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Well—maybe you could come in and rest a few minutes. We're watching -Tevee."</p> - -<p>She nodded quickly. She felt that magnetic force, the clicking -communion, the way she had always seen it on Tevee. How easy it was, -after all, if you looked right and smiled right and said the correct -things.</p> - -<p>"Oh, I'd love to!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Miss Gloria Tonnencourt stood up, and the three of them seemed subdued -and softened in the Tevee light. Kelsey said, "Gloria, this is a friend -of mine, a really dear friend, Anita Starre."</p> - -<p>There was something wrong. It was under the surface, Alice thought, -but it was there. Under the smiles, something tense and wrong and -dangerous. She had never felt it before, but she felt it now. It was -Gloria, the way the smile seemed set on Gloria's face as she said she -was very pleased to meet Miss Starre. It had always been there, that -smile, so it couldn't go away, but Alice knew that if she were Miss -Tonnencourt she would not feel like smiling. No one could smile, she -thought, if they were losing their love. Real love you could die of -losing.</p> - -<p>They all smiled at one another. Kelsey got three drinks and they drank -to one another's happiness as though there was no question that there -could be anything else in the world but happiness.</p> - -<p>Gloria has to do what's right, Alice thought. No matter how painful, -she has to do what's right. I'm lucky because she has to do what's -right, because she always has to be a good sport about everything.</p> - -<p>They chatted together like good sports for a while, talked about the -pop tune of the week, the favorite sports hero of the day, the best -Quik-Pik book of the hour, the Sky-Splitter, the Roaromatic Roadeater, -the Silver and Golden Stars for cooperation, the Blue Stars for -communal feeling. The Carnegie Awards for sociability.</p> - -<p>They have to get along, Alice thought gladly. They have to get along. -They can't afford to offend one another.</p> - -<p>Gloria finally got up, seeming tired in spite of her smile, and said, -"I'd better be going now. I—I can see that you two have a real thing -for one another already. I—I think it's just—wonderful—so wonderful, -really—"</p> - -<p>Kelsey didn't seem to hear Gloria at all, hardly seemed to know she was -there. He kept looking at Alice. "Please don't go, Gloria," he said as -he kept on looking at Alice.</p> - -<p>"It's awfully sweet of you to ask me to stay, but I really must go now. -It's—it's getting late."</p> - -<p>I know how you really feel, Alice thought. I know, I know, somewhere -deep inside you feel an awful sickness like death, but on the outside -you smile. I know how you feel.</p> - -<p>But do you know how you feel anymore, Gloria? Can you feel the way you -really feel? What would happen if—</p> - -<p>But no matter how Gloria felt, no Mirror on a wall could have been -critical of her appearance, her poise, her polite good-sport way of -bowing out.</p> - -<p>Gloria moved toward the door. Kelsey hurried over there and opened it -for her. "You two be happy," Gloria whispered. "You two seem to be -so—so very right for an anther."</p> - -<p>The door shut. It was as though Gloria Tonnencourt had never been there.</p> - -<p>How could it be so easy? Alice's hand trembled as Kelsey moved toward -her. With Gloria it had been so quick, happening so fast, over so -easily.</p> - -<p>"Regular girl," Kelsey was saying. "What wonderful warmth and -understanding."</p> - -<p>"She's sweet," Alice heard herself saying. But that wasn't true. -She only felt that Gloria had been sad. If it had been sweet it was -bitter-sweet sadness. But Alice had to forget about Gloria. Gloria was -gone. It was like she had never been here at all, as though all those -evenings of love had never been. Switch it on, switch it off. It was -like Tevee, she thought, like Tevee—</p> - -<p>Kelsey asked her to sit down on the couch, and then he was sitting near -her, nearer to her. Then he was touching her, his face inches from hers.</p> - -<p>"It seems I've known you for years and years," he said.</p> - -<p>And then she was forgetting everything else but Kelsey. It was easy, -so easy when you looked and felt right. So easy and she didn't want to -think about anything else but Kelsey, dear, sweet, darling Kelsey.</p> - -<p>She received him in her arms, with a wild desire, a wild hunger to -cover his face with kisses. She felt the intensity taking hold of her, -gripping her body, quickening the pounding throb of machinery that was -hidden now, hidden away deep and silent and beating now like a human -heart.</p> - -<p>She kissed his cheek. Her lips strayed over his skin. Her lips glided -over his face, felt the moist trembling of his lips.</p> - -<p>She felt his trembling, his shuddering sigh, the way his arms convulsed -and gripped her, and then she saw the unsettled look, the light in his -eyes as he clung to her and at the same time seemed to push her away.</p> - -<p>He was frightened. He was trembling, and he was afraid, and his face -was flushed.</p> - -<p>"What's the matter, darling?" she whispered.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He stared at her. His lips were trembling. "I—I don't know. What is -it? It was never like this."</p> - -<p>"What was never like this?"</p> - -<p>"Love—I mean—you—what is it?"</p> - -<p>"Real. It's real, darling Kelsey. That's the difference, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Real?" His face had an uncomprehending look, the cheek muscles -trembling as he spoke, his voice hollow and frightened. "Something," he -whispered. "What is it? I've never felt anything like it. It—it's too -much, maybe. Too much or something—I don't know—"</p> - -<p>His face was white. He was sliding away from her.</p> - -<p>Already I am losing him, she thought. He's going away. Somehow he -senses what is wrong, without knowing what it is he knows. In spite of -the beautiful surface, he senses that I am not real, not human, not a -being at all.</p> - -<p>"No, please," she whispered.</p> - -<p>She moved desperately and clutched at him and held him tightly, shocked -at his stiffness now, his reluctance, his trembling. She felt tears -inside, though they could never show. "Please, please," she whispered.</p> - -<p>His voice was shaking. "Listen—it's too much. You scare me. Wait a -minute now, let's talk about this. I want to know—"</p> - -<p>"How can you be scared of love?"</p> - -<p>"Love? This isn't love. It's—it's like anger. It's—I've never known -anything like this!"</p> - -<p>"Let yourself know. Please."</p> - -<p>He closed his eyes. His lips trembled. "I—I felt like I was going to -die," he whispered.</p> - -<p>Suddenly he turned and stared at the Tevee.</p> - -<p>He knows, she thought dully. He knows I'm what I am underneath. But he -doesn't know that he knows. He can't admit what seems impossible.</p> - -<p>He gasped. His body jerked. She looked at the Tevee frame. There was -nothing on it suddenly but a frightening, wavering, milky emptiness.</p> - -<p>And a voice; a voice without a face.</p> - -<p>"Due to the possibility of an immediate air-raid, Tevee is dead. -All transportation is stopped. Those of you who were thoughtful -and cooperative enough with your sponsor to order our emergency -entertainment projectors will now turn them on. It will greatly -decrease anxiety. Red-out regulations will be in effect for two hours."</p> - -<p>Kelsey's face was gray. "Air-raid," he whispered. "It's here. It's -really here!"</p> - -<p>"It's all right, darling." She touched his arm. "It's all right—"</p> - -<p>The light went out.</p> - -<p>Somewhere Alice heard screaming. It seemed to fill the walls, the -floor, the ceiling and the night itself, everywhere, as though the very -air was screaming in some vast agony. The sirens.</p> - -<p>She heard a whimpering sound and realized that it was Kelsey. She held -him tightly in her arms. He was shivering.</p> - -<p>The Tevee screen seemed like a page on which vital print had died, -something strangely alive but without sound or meaning, like an -exposed brain without thought, like the deadness of an open eye in a -corpse.</p> - -<p>"All lights will be extinguished for two hours," the voice said. -"Everyone will go immediately to their air-raid shelters!"</p> - -<p>"Two hours," Kelsey whispered.</p> - -<p>"I'm here," she said. "We're together, darling. There's nothing—"</p> - -<p>He didn't seem to hear her. He leaped out of her arms, and she heard -furniture crashing as he blundered around wildly in the dark.</p> - -<p>"The shelter," he yelled hoarsely. "The shelter!"</p> - -<p>She followed him unerringly in the dark, to the stairs, without -stumbling. When she found him at the bottom of the stairs in the -tunnel leading to the private air-raid shelter, he was whimpering and -shivering violently.</p> - -<p>"Two hours—two hours—two hours—" he whispered, over and over.</p> - -<p>She could tell by the way he said it that it meant something else -to him, not two hours, but something infinitely longer, unendurably -longer, some kind of awful forever.</p> - -<p>She helped him into the shelter and closed the thick door. She couldn't -understand that kind of loneliness. She had stood in the black lonely -closet for years. She had worked alone. She could understand the -loneliness of being without love. But this fear of his—it had no -meaning for her.</p> - -<p>And as she looked at Kelsey cowering in the corner of the shelter, she -realized something else—Kelsey himself had very little meaning. He was -not what he had seemed. He was empty. He was hollow. He wasn't quite -real. That was what his fear was; a fear of discovering he had nothing -inside; a horror of the absence of something you could create inside -yourself only by being alone.</p> - -<p>Alice knew that now. Maybe she had always known it, but now she -admitted it to herself.</p> - -<p>The shelter was a small square room lined with concrete and lead and -steel. There was a large supply of food, and a method of reprocessing -the air. A person could live in it for a long time. Alice knew she -could. She would have loved being there just with Kelsey, but Kelsey -was empty, and there was no way he could give her back her love, -nothing in him he could use to share loneliness with her.</p> - -<p>"Two hours—"</p> - -<p>"But I love you," she said weakly. "We have one another. We can talk. -We can tell one another all about—"</p> - -<p>"No Tevee," Kelsey whispered. "We can't get out! No one can get in! Two -hours!"</p> - -<p>The screaming was in the shelter walls. It quivered in the floor -and ceiling and walls. But there was really no sound. Nothing could -penetrate here; no sound or light. Kelsey looked around the small -enclosure. "It may be longer—"</p> - -<p>"It's only a warning," Alice said. "There may not be a real air-raid at -all."</p> - -<p>"Talk!" he suddenly screamed at her. "Let's talk! Talk to me—"</p> - -<p>But the superficial things slipped away and she couldn't remember -any of them. She wanted to take him in her arms, but she couldn't do -that now because it wasn't real. She couldn't talk about all those -meaningless things. Maybe now nothing would be enough to satisfy -Kelsey's hollow fear.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>With Gloria, with all of them, Alice knew that Kelsey had always been -alone. More alone, more horribly alone, than she had ever been. For -Kelsey had nothing inside of him to keep him company, or to sincerely -share with another.</p> - -<p>He had no love in him.</p> - -<p>She tried to comfort him, but he was on his knees, shivering and -whimpering. Then he tried to beat his way out through the door. She -pulled him back and he fell sobbing on the floor, squirming and rubbing -his hands and his face into the floor as though to get some feeling of -life from it.</p> - -<p>The trembling of the walls and floor continued, very gently as though -even that was somehow being polite, as though even that was trying to -make things not so discomforting.</p> - -<p>Kelsey was whining and sobbing. "I've got to get out—get out. There's -a shelter—a communal shelter. The project place—people—lots of -people—"</p> - -<p>"All right," she said. "Let's take a chance, if you want to. We'll go -to that other shelter—with people in it."</p> - -<p>But when they got to the top of the stairs and stepped into the living -room, the lights went on, the Tevee came to color-sound-life again.</p> - -<p>The air-raid warning was over.</p> - -<p>A smiling face materialized out of the wavery lines.</p> - -<p>"The threat of the air-raid is over. Due to our wonderful cooperative -spirit, the enemy's cowardly attack accomplished little except the -minor destruction of a few scattered points. We're sure now that anyone -who has not ordered our Cozy-Corner Air-Raid Shelter will do so without -further delay! It comes equipped, remember, with three-dimensional -Tevee. There is the illusion of real people—"</p> - -<p>Over fifty million air-raid shelters were sold within an hour.</p> - -<p>But Alice wasn't concerned about that. She gave Kelsey a sedative -and put him to bed, and then she went to her dark closet and stood -in it until Wednesday morning. She had time to think about things, -and a wonderful calm came over her, and she knew she didn't care what -happened to her now. She was strong enough to live alone, and take -whatever was coming to her without fear.</p> - -<p>When she shook Kelsey awake Wednesday morning and told him she was -Alice, he laughed, shocked and incredulous, trying to appear amused. -But she told him about the order blank, and convinced him she really -was Alice and Anita Starre did not exist.</p> - -<p>He ran and called a robot repair clinic. He was almost incoherent, -trying to tell the clinic what had happened, but they finally -understood and said they would be right out to take the domestic away.</p> - -<p>He seemed frightened as he looked at her.</p> - -<p>"I don't understand," he said several times. "No one told you to do -such a thing. How could a robot just up and do such a thing?"</p> - -<p>She started to answer, but didn't. There was nothing to say.</p> - -<p>"Robots can become inefficient," Kelsey said. "They can wear down a -little and have to be repaired. But how could a robot just up and do a -thing like this?"</p> - -<p>Because of loneliness and the need for love? She smiled. She could -smile now. It would have been funny for her to have said such a thing -as that.</p> - -<p>She didn't care. She heard the jet-truck drop down by the curb outside -Kelsey's house. She heard the footsteps coming up the walk, onto the -porch. But she didn't care. She was strong enough not to care at all.</p> - -<p>She cared not at all for any of them, Master Kelsey included. She -cared a little for Julian, for he had understood a little. But she -didn't care about any of the others now. They hardly existed! They had -nothing! In them, everything had been frozen forever and nothing really -moved inside.</p> - -<p>They were empty, they were nothing, they didn't exist!</p> - -<p>You saw the bright surfaces and the smiles as they walked and talked on -the street, and for a while you wanted to believe they existed, that -they were there. But they weren't really there at all.</p> - -<p>She smiled and stood still and waited for them to move toward her. They -seemed afraid of her.</p> - -<p>There's nothing to be afraid of, not here, not in me, she wanted to -say. It's in you that the fear is, for what is more frightening than -emptiness and the feel of hollow time going by?</p> - -<p>At least she had the joy of knowing she had been alive.</p> - -<p>The hand turned off her thermostat.</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AWAKENING ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following -the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use -of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for -copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very -easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation -of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project -Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may -do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected -by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark -license, especially commercial redistribution. -</div> - -<div style='margin-top:1em; font-size:1.1em; text-align:center'>START: FULL LICENSE</div> -<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE</div> -<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person -or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the -Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when -you share it without charge with others. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country other than the United States. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work -on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the -phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: -</div> - -<blockquote> - <div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most - other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions - whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms - of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online - at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you - are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws - of the country where you are located before using this eBook. - </div> -</blockquote> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg™ License. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format -other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain -Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -provided that: -</div> - -<div style='margin-left:0.7em;'> - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation.” - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ - works. - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. - </div> -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of -the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set -forth in Section 3 below. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right -of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, -Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up -to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website -and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread -public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state -visit <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/donate/">www.gutenberg.org/donate</a>. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Most people start at our website which has the main PG search -facility: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. -</div> - -</div> -</body> -</html> |