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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8fb2639 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #69177 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/69177) diff --git a/old/69177-0.txt b/old/69177-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 91ac18a..0000000 --- a/old/69177-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,4172 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mirth and metre, by Frank E. Smedley - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Mirth and metre - -Authors: Frank E. Smedley - Edmund H. Yates - -Illustrator: M'Connell - -Release Date: October 18, 2022 [eBook #69177] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Mark C. Orton and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team - at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images - generously made available by The Internet Archive) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIRTH AND METRE *** - - - - - - -MIRTH AND METRE. - -[Illustration: MAUDE ALLINGHAME.—p. 19. - -_Front._] - -[Illustration: MIRTH AND METRE—p. 80.] - - LONDON AND NEW YORK: - GEORGE ROUTLEDGE & CO. - 1855. - - - - - MIRTH AND METRE. - - BY - TWO MERRY MEN. - - Frank E. Smedley, - AND - Edmund H. Yates. - - “I’D RATHER HAVE A FOOL TO MAKE ME MERRY, THAN EXPERIENCE - TO MAKE ME SAD.”—SHAKSPEARE. - - With Illustrations by M’Connell. - - LONDON: - GEO. ROUTLEDGE & CO., FARRINGDON STREET. - NEW YORK: 18, BEEKMAN STREET. - 1855. - - - - -PREFACE. - - -If any one of those mysterious autocrats who “do” the reviews “on” some -newspaper or serial shall, in his condescension, deign to inform public -opinion what he may think about MIRTH AND METRE, that autocrat, unless -he be in an unhoped-for state of benignity, will, doubtless, commence -with the agreeable remark that “the work before us consists of certain -Lays and Legends, written in paltry imitation of the productions of the -_in_imitable Thomas Ingoldsby.” - -Admitting the imputation without cavil, (except at the word “paltry,” -which _really_ is too bad, don’t you think so, dear reader?) the authors -would inquire whether such an admission legitimately exposes them to -hostile criticism? When the late Mr. Barham produced the “Ingoldsby -Legends,” he, as it were, founded a new school of comic versification. -That this is not a mere _ipse dixit_ of our own is evinced by the fact -that, in common parlance, a man who adopts this style of composition is -said to have written an “Ingoldsby,” as he might be said to have written -an Epic, had he chosen that form instead. - -To assert that only a very small shred of Mr. Barham’s mantle has fallen -upon any of his imitators (a fact to which none will more readily assent -than the present writers), is simply to state that the standard we have -proposed to ourselves is a high one, and proportionately difficult to -attain. - - “_Vixere fortes ante Agamemnona_” - -is a fact which does not appear to have checked the energies or paralysed -the ambition of the “king of men;” nor was Waterloo the less a great -victory because Julius Cæsar had a few centuries before successfully -invaded Gaul. - -To our thinking, however, the common sense of the matter lies (after the -usual fashion of that inestimable quality) in a nutshell. A servile copy -of any particular style—a hash of old ideas, or want of ideas, served up -after the manner of some popular writer—is a bad thing, against which -all true lovers of literature are bound to raise their voices whenever -they meet with it; but if a young author, imbued with admiration of, -and respect for, some man of genius who has lived before him, sees fit -to embody his own thoughts and feelings in a form which experience has -approved, rather than confuse himself and his readers, in his frantic -strivings after originality, by torturing words out of their natural -meaning, and marshalling them in a metre against which the ear rebels, we -conceive no just canon of criticism can forbid his doing so. To which of -these categories the Lays and Legends in this Volume are to be assigned, -we leave it to our readers to determine. - - Frank E. Smedley. - Edmund H. Yates. - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - PAGE - - MAUDE ALLINGHAME; A LEGEND OF HERTFORDSHIRE. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY 1 - - “YE RIGHT ANCIENT BALLAD OF YE COMBAT OF KING TIDRICH WITH YE - DRAGON.” BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY 23 - - ST. MICHAEL’S EVE. BY EDMUND H. YATES 31 - - THE KING OF THE CATS; A RHINE LEGEND. BY EDMUND H. YATES 38 - - THE LAPWING. BY EDMUND H. YATES 43 - - THE ENCHANTED NET. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY 45 - - A FYTTE OF THE BLUES. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY 53 - - THE FORFEIT HAND; A LEGEND OF BRABANT. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY 55 - - SIR RUPERT THE RED. BY EDMUND H. YATES 71 - - COUNT LOUIS OF TOULOUSE. BY EDMUND H. YATES 82 - - ANNIE LYLE. BY EDMUND H. YATES 84 - - JACK RASPER’S WAGER; OR, “NE SUTOR ULTRA CREPIDAM.” BY EDMUND - H. YATES 86 - - THE OVERFLOWINGS OF THE LATE PELLUCID RIVERS, ESQ. BY EDMUND - H. YATES 94 - - - - -MIRTH AND METRE. - - - - -MAUDE ALLINGHAME; A LEGEND OF HERTFORDSHIRE.[1] - - -Part the First. - - There is weeping and wailing in Allinghame Hall, - From many an eye does the tear-drop fall, - Swollen with sorrow is many a lip, - Many a nose is red at the tip; - All the shutters are shut very tight, - To keep out the wind and to keep out the light; - While a couple of mutes, - With very black suits, - And extremely long faces, - Have taken their places - With an air of professional _esprit de corps_, - One on each side of the great hall door. - On the gravel beyond, in a wonderful state - Of black velvet and feathers, a grand hearse, and eight - Magnificent horses, the orders await - Of a spruce undertaker, - Who’s come from Long Acre, - To furnish a coffin, and do the polite - To the corpse of Sir Reginald Allinghame, Knight. - - The lamented deceased whose funeral arrangement - I’ve just been describing, resembled that strange gent - Who ventured to falsely imprison a great man, - Viz. the Ottoman captor of noble Lord Bateman; - For we’re told in that ballad, which makes our eyes water, - That this terrible Turk had got one only daughter; - And although our good knight had twice seen twins arrive, a - Young lady named Maude was the only survivor. - So there being no entail - On some horrid heir-male, - And no far-away cousin or distant relation - To lay claim to the lands and commence litigation, - ’Tis well known through the county, by each one and all, - That fair Maude is the heiress of Allinghame Hall. - - Yes! she was very fair to view; - Mark well that forehead’s ivory hue, - That speaking eye, whose glance of pride - The silken lashes scarce can hide, - E’en when, as now, its wonted fire - Is paled with weeping o’er her sire; - Those scornful lips that part to show - The pearl-like teeth in even row, - That dimpled chin, so round and fair, - The clusters of her raven hair, - Whose glossy curls their shadow throw - O’er her smooth brow and neck of snow; - The faultless hand, the ankle small, - The figure more than woman tall, - And yet so graceful, sculptor’s art - Such symmetry could ne’er impart. - Observe her well, and then confess - The power of female loveliness, - And say, “Except a touch of vice - One may descry - About the eye, - Rousing a Caudle-ish recollection, - Which might perchance upon reflection - Turn out a serious objection, - That gal would make “a heavenly splice.” - - From far and wide - On every side - The county did many a suitor ride, - Who, wishing to marry, determined to call - And propose for the heiress of Allinghame Hall. - Knights who’d gathered great fame in - Stabbing, cutting, and maiming - The French and their families - At Blenheim and Ramilies, - In promiscuous manslaughter - T’other side of the water, - Very eagerly sought her; - Yet, though presents they brought her, - And fain would have taught her - To fancy they loved her, not one of them caught her. - Maude received them all civilly, asked them to dine, - Gave them capital venison, and excellent wine, - But declared, when they popp’d, that she’d really no notion - They’d had serious intentions—she owned their devotion - Was excessively flattering—quite touching—in fact - She was grieved at the part duty forced her to act; - Still her recent bereavement—her excellent father— - (Here she took out her handkerchief) yes, she had rather— - Rather not (here she sobbed) say a thing so unpleasant, - But she’d made up her mind not to marry at present. - Might she venture to hope that she still should retain - Their friendship?—to lose that would cause her _such_ pain. - Would they like to take supper?—she feared etiquette, - A thing not to be set - At defiance by one in her sad situation, - Having no “Maiden Aunt,” or old moral relation - Of orthodox station, - Whose high reputation, - And prim notoriety, - Should inspire society - With a very deep sense of the strictest propriety; - Such a relative wanting, she feared, so she said, - Etiquette must prevent her from offering a bed; - But the night was so fine—just the thing for a ride— - Must they go? Well, good-bye,—and here once more she sighed; - Then a last parting smile on the suitor she threw, - And thus, having “let him down easy,” withdrew, - While the lover rode home with an indistinct notion - That somehow he’d not taken much by his motion. - - Young Lord Dandelion, - An illustrious scion, - A green sprig of nobility, - Whose excessive gentility - I fain would describe if I had but ability,— - This amiable lordling, being much in the state - I’ve described, _i. e._ going home at night rather late, - Having got his _congé_ - (As a Frenchman would say) - From the heiress, with whom he’d been anxious to mate, - Is jogging along, in a low state of mind, - When a horseman comes rapidly up from behind, - And a voice in his ear - Shouts in tones round and clear, - “Ho, there! stand and deliver! your money or life!” - While some murderous weapon, a pistol or knife, - Held close to his head, - As these words are being said, - Glitters cold in the moonlight, and fills him with dread. - - Now I think you will own, - That when riding alone - On the back of a horse, be it black, white, or roan, - Or chestnut, or bay, - Or piebald, or grey, - Or dun-brown (though a notion my memory crosses - That ’tis asses are usually done brown, not horses), - When on horseback, I say, in the dead of the night, - Nearly dark, if not quite, - In despite of the light - Of the moon shining bright- - ish—yes, not more than -ish, for the planet’s cold rays I - ’ve been told on this night were unusually hazy— - With no one in sight, - To the left or the right, - Save a well-mounted highwayman fully intent - On obtaining your money, as Dan did his rent, - By bullying, an odd sort of annual pleasantry - That “Repaler” played off on the finest of peasantry; - In so awkward a fix I should certainly say, - By far the best way - Is to take matters easy, and quietly pay; - The alternative being that the robber may treat us - To a couple of bullets by way of _quietus_; - Thus applying our brains, if perchance we have got any, - In this summary mode to the study of botany, - By besprinkling the leaves, and the grass, and the flowers, - With the source of our best intellectual powers, - And, regardless of _habeas corpus_, creating - A feast for the worms, which are greedily waiting - Till such time as any gent - Quits this frail tenement, - And adopting a shroud as his sole outer garment, - Becomes food for worms, slugs, and all such-like varmint. - - My Lord Dandelion, - That illustrious scion, - Not possessing the pluck of the bold hero Brian, - (Of whom Irishmen rave till one murmurs “how true - Is the brute’s patronymic of Brian _Bore you_”), - Neither feeling inclined, - Nor having a mind - To be shot by a highwayman, merely said “Eh? - Aw—extwemely unpleasant—aw—take it, sir, pway;” - And without further parley his money resigned. - - Away! away! - With a joyous neigh, - Bounds the highwayman’s steed, like a colt at play; - And a merry laugh rings loud and clear, - On the terrified drum of his trembling ear, - While the following words doth his lordship hear:— - “Unlucky, my lord; unlucky, I know, - For the money to go - And the heiress say ‘No,’ - On the self-same day, is a terrible blow. - When next you visit her, good my lord, - Give THE HIGHWAYMAN’S love to fair Mistress Maude!” - Away! away! - On his gallant grey - My Lord Dandelion, - That unfortunate scion, - Gallops as best he may; - And as he rides he mutters low, - “Insolent fellar, how did _he_ know?” - - In the stable department of Allinghame Hall - There’s the devil to pay, - As a body may say, - And no assets forthcoming to answer the call; - For the head groom, Roger, - A knowing old codger, - In a thundering rage, - Which nought can assuage, - Most excessively cross is - With the whole stud of horses, - While he viciously swears - At the fillies and mares; - He bullies the helpers, he kicks all the boys, - Upsets innocent pails with superfluous noise; - Very loudly doth fret and incessantly fume, - And behaves, in a word, - In a way most absurd, - More befitting a madman, by far, than a groom, - Till at length he finds vent - For his deep discontent - In the following soliloquy:—“I’m blest if this is - To be stood any longer; I’ll go and tell Missis; - If she don’t know some dodge as’ll stop this here rig, - Vy then, dash my vig, - This here werry morning - I jest gives her warning, - If I don’t I’m a Dutchman, or summut as worse is.” - Then, after a short obligato of curses, - Just to let off the steam, Roger dons his best clothes, - And seeks his young mistress his griefs to disclose. - - “Please your Ladyship’s Honour, - I’ve come here upon a - Purtiklar rum business going on in the stable, - Vich, avake as I am, I ain’t no how been able - To get at the truth on:—the last thing each night - I goes round all the ’orses to see as they’re right,— - And they alvays _is_ right too, as far as I see, - Cool, k’viet, and clean, just as ’orses should be,— - Then, furst thing ev’ry morning agen I goes round, - To see as the cattle is all safe and sound. - ’Twas nigh three veeks ago, or perhaps rather more, - Ven vun morning, as usual, I unlocks the door,— - (Tho’ I ought to ha’ mentioned I alvays does lock it, - And buttons the key in my right breeches pocket)— - I opens the door, Marm, and there vas Brown Bess, - Your ladyship’s mare, in a horribul mess; - Reg’lar kivered all over vith sveat, foam, and lather, - Laying down in her stall—sich a sight for a father! - Vhile a saddle and bridle, as hung there kvite clean - Over night, was all mud and not fit to be seen; - And, to dock a long tale, since that day thrice a-week, - Or four times, perhaps, more or less, so to speak, - I’ve diskivered that thare, - Identical mare, - Or else the black Barb, vich, perhaps you’ll remember - Vas brought here from over the seas last September, - In the state I describes, as if fairies or vitches - Had rode ’em all night over hedges and ditches; - If this here’s to go on (and I’m sure I don’t know - How to stop it), I tells you at vunce, I must go; - Yes, although I’ve lived here - A good twenty-five year, - I am sorry to say (for I knows what your loss is) - You must get some vun else to look arter your ’orses.” - - Roger’s wonderful tale - Seemed of little avail, - For Maude neither fainted, nor screamed, nor turned pale, - But she signed with her finger to bid him draw near; - And cried, “Roger, come here, - I’ve a word for your ear;” - Then she whispered so low - That I really don’t know - What it was that she said, but it seemed _apropos_ - And germane to the matter; - For though Roger stared at her, - With mouth wide asunder, - Extended by wonder, - Ere she ended, his rage appeared wholly brought under, - Insomuch that the groom, - When he quitted the room, - Louted low, and exclaimed, with a grin of delight, - “Your Ladyship’s Honour’s a gentleman quite!” - ’Tis reported, that night, at the sign of “The Goat,” - Roger the groom changed a £20 note. - - -Part the Second. - - There’s a stir and confusion in Redburn town, - And all the way up and all the way down - The principal street, - When the neighbours meet, - They do nothing but chafe, and grumble, and frown, - And sputter and mutter, - And sentences utter, - Such as these—“Have you heard, - The thing that’s occurred? - His worship the Mayor? - Shocking affair! - Much too bad, I declare! - Fifty pounds, I’ve been told! - And as much more in gold. - Well, the villain is bold! - Two horse pistols!—No more? - I thought they said four. - And so close to the town! - I say, Gaffer Brown, - Do tell us about it.” - “Thus the matter fell out—it - Was only last night that his worship the Mayor, - Master Zachary Blair, - Having been at St. Alban’s and sold in the fair - Some fifteen head of cattle, a horse and a mare, - Jogging home on his nag - With the cash in a bag, - Was met by a highwayman armed to the teeth, - With a belt full of pistols and sword in its sheath, - A murderous villain, six feet high, - With spur on heel and boot on thigh, - And a great black beard and a wicked eye; - And he said to his Worship, ‘My fat little friend, - I will thank you to lend - Me that nice bag of gold, which no doubt you intend - Before long to expend - In some awfully slow way, - Or possibly low way, - Which I should not approve. Come, old fellow, be quick!’ - And then Master Blair heard an ominous click, - Betokening the cocking - Of a pistol, a shocking - Sound, which caused him to quake, - And shiver and shake, - From the crown of his head to the sole of his stocking. - So yielding himself with a touching submission - To what he considered a vile imposition, - He handed the bag with the tin to the highwayman, - who took it, and saying, in rather a dry way, - ‘Many thanks, gallant sir,’ galloped off down a bye way.” - - The town council has met, and his worship the Mayor, - Master Zachary Blair, - Having taken the chair, - And sat in it too, which was nothing but fair, - Did at once, then and there, - Relate and declare, - With a dignified air, - And a presence most rare, - The tale we’ve just heard, which made all men to stare, - And indignantly swear, - It was too bad to bear. - Then after they’d fully discussed the affair, - To find out the best method of setting things square, - They agreed one and all the next night to repair, - Upon horseback, or mare, - To the highwayman’s lair, - And, if he appeared, hunt him down like a hare. - - Over No-Man’s-Land[2] the moon shines bright, - And the furze and the fern in its liquid light - Glitter and gleam of a silvery white; - The lengthened track which the cart-wheels make, - Winds o’er the heath like a mighty snake, - And silence o’er that lonely wold - Doth undisputed empire hold, - Save where the night-breeze fitfully - Mourns like some troubled spirit’s cry; - At the cross roads the old sign-post - Shows dimly forth, like sheeted ghost, - As with weird arm, extended still, - It points the road to Leamsford Mill; - In fact it is not - At all a sweet spot, - A nice situation, - Or charming location; - The late Robins himself, in despite his vocation, - Would have deemed this a station - Unworthy laudation, - And have probably termed it “a blot on the nation.” - - In a lane hard by, - Where the hedge-rows high, - Veil with their leafy boughs the sky, - Biding their time, sits his worship the Mayor, - Master Zachary Blair, - And my Lord Dandelion, - That illustrious scion, - And Oxley the butcher, and Doughy the baker, - And Chisel the joiner and cabinet-maker, - And good farmer Dacre, - Who holds many an acre, - And, _insuper omnes_, bold Jonathan Blaker, - The famous thief-taker, - Who’s been sent for from town as being more wide awaker, - (Excuse that comparative, sure ’tis no crime - To sacrifice grammar to such a nice rhyme,) - And up to the dodges of fellows who take a - Delight in being born in “stone jugs,” and then fake a- - way all their lives long in a manner would make a - Live Archbishop to swear, let alone any Quaker, - Wet or dry, you can name, or a Jumper or Shaker; - And, to add to this list, Hobbs was there, so was Dobbs, - With several others, all more or less snobs, - Low partys, quite willing to peril their nobs - In highwayman catching, and such-like odd jobs, - To obtain a few shillings, which they would term bobs. - - ’Tisn’t pleasant to wait - In a fidgety state - Of mind, at an hour we deem very late, - When our fancies have fled - Home to supper and bed, - And we feel we are catching a cold in the head; - (By the way, if this ailment should ever make you ill, - Drop some neat sal-volatile into your gruel, - You’ll be all right next day, - And will probably say, - This, by way of receipt, is a regular jewel;) - To wait, I repeat, - For a robber or cheat, - On a spot he’s supposed to select for his beat, - When said robber wont come’s the reverse of a treat. - - So thought the butcher, and so thought the baker, - And so thought the joiner and cabinet-maker, - And so thought all the rest except Jonathan Blaker; - To him catching a thief in the dead of the night - Presented a source of unfailing delight; - And now as he sat - Peering under his hat, - He looked much like a terrier watching a rat. - - Hark! he hears a muffled sound; - He slips from the saddle, his ear’s to the ground. - Louder and clearer, - Nearer and nearer, - ’Tis a horse’s tramp on the soft green sward! - He is mounted again: “Now, good my Lord, - Now, master Mayor, mark well, if you can, - A rider approaches, is this your man?” - - Ay, mark that coal-black barb that skims, - With flowing mane and graceful limbs, - As lightly onward o’er the lea - As greyhound from the leash set free; - Observe the rider’s flashing eye, - His gallant front and bearing high; - His slender form, which scarce appears - Fitted to manhood’s riper years; - The easy grace with which at need - He checks or urges on his steed; - Can this be one whose fame is spread - For deeds of rapine and of dread? - - My Lord Dandelion - Placed his spy-glass his eye on, - Stared hard at the rider, and then exclaimed, “Well—ar— - ’Tis weally _so_ dark! but I think ’tis the fellar.” - While his worship the Mayor - Whispered, “O, look ye there! - That purse in his girdle, d’ye see it?—I twigged it; - ’Tis my purse as was prigged, and the willin what prigged it!” - - Hurrah! hurrah! - He’s off and away, - Follow who can, follow who may. - There’s hunting and chasing - And going the pace in - Despite of the light, which is not good for racing. - “Hold hard! hold hard! there’s somebody spilt, - And entirely kilt!” - “Well, never mind, - Leave him behind,”— - The pace is a great deal too good to be kind. - Follow, follow, - O’er hill and hollow,— - Faster, faster, - Another disaster! - His worship the Mayor has got stuck in a bog. - And there let us leave him to spur and to flog, - He’ll know better the next time,—a stupid old dog! - “Where’s Hobbs?” - “I don’t know.” - “And Dobbs and the snobs?” - “All used-up long ago.” - “My nag’s almost blown!” - “And mine’s got a stone - In his shoe—I’m afraid it’s no go. Why, I say! - That rascally highwayman’s getting away!” - - ’Tis true. Swift as the trackless wind, - The gallant barb leaves all behind; - Hackney and hunter still in vain - Exert each nerve, each sinew strain; - And all in vain that motley-crew - Of horsemen still the chase pursue. - Two by two, and one by one, - They lag behind—’tis nearly done, - That desperate game, that eager strife, - That fearful race for death or life. - Those dark trees gained that skirt the moor, - All danger of pursuit is o’er; - Screened by their shade from every eye, - Escape becomes a certainty. - Haste! for with stern, relentless will - ONE RIDER’S ON THY TRACES STILL! - - ’Tis bold Jonathan Blaker who sticks to his prey - In this somewhat unfeeling, though business-like way. - But even he, too, is beginning to find - That the pace is so good he’ll be soon left behind. - He presses his horse on with hand and with heel, - He rams in the persuaders too hard a great deal; - ’Tis but labour in vain, - Though he starts from the pain, - Nought can give that stout roadster his wind back again. - Now Jonathan Blaker had formerly been - A soldier, and fought for his country and queen, - Over seas, the Low Countries to wit, and while there, in - Despite of good teaching, - And praying and preaching, - Had acquired a shocking bad habit of swearing; - Thus, whenever, as now, - The red spot on his brow - Proved him “wrathy and riled,” - He would not draw it mild, - But would, sans apology, let out on such - Occasions a torrent of very low Dutch. - One can scarce feel surprise, then, considering the urgency - Of the case, that he cried in the present emergency, - “_Ach donner und blitzen_” (a taste of his lingo), - “He’ll escape, by—” (I don’t know the German for “jingo”). - “_Tausend teufel! sturmwetter!_ - To think I should let a - Scamp like that get away; don’t I wish now that I’d ha’ - Drove a brace of lead pills through the horse or the rider; - Pr’aps there’s time for it still—_Mein auge_ (my eye), - ’Tis the only chance left, so here goes for a try.” - - Oh, faster spur thy flagging steed, - Still faster,—fearful is thy need. - Oh, heed not now his failing breath, - Life lies before, behind thee death! - Warning all vainly given! too late - To shield thee from the stroke of fate. - One glance the fierce pursuer threw, - A pistol from his holster drew, - Levelled and fired, the echoes still - Prolong the sound from wood to hill; - But ere the last vibrations die, - A WOMAN’S shriek of agony - Rings out beneath that midnight sky! - - The household sleep soundly in Allinghame Hall, - Groom, butler, and coachman, cook, footboy, and all; - The fat old housekeeper - (Never was such a sleeper), - After giving a snore, - Which was almost a roar, - Has just turned in her bed and begun a fresh score; - The butler (a shocking old wine-bibbing sinner), - Having made some mistake after yesterday’s dinner, - As to where he should put a decanter of sherry, - Went to bed rather merry, - But perplexed in his mind, - Not being able to find - A legitimate reason - Why at that time and season - His _eight_-post bed chooses, whichever way he stirs, - To present to his vision a _couple_ of testers! - Since which, still more completely his spirits to damp, - He’s been roused twice by nightmare and three times by cramp! - And now he dreams some old church-bell - Is mournfully tolling a dead man’s knell, - And he starts in his sleep, and mutters, “Alas! - Man’s life’s brittle as glass! - There’s another cork flown, and the spirit escaped; - Heigh ho!” (here he gaped), - Then, scratching his head, - He sat up in bed, - For that bell goes on ringing more loud than before, - And he knows ’tis the bell of the great hall door. - Footman tall, - Footboy small, - Housekeeper, butler, coachman, and all, - In a singular state of extreme dishabille, - Which they each of them feel - Disinclined to reveal, - And yet know not very well how to conceal, - With one accord rush to the old oak hall; - To unfasten the door - Takes a minute or more; - It opens at length and discloses a sight - Which fills them with wonder, and sorrow, and fright. - - The ruddy light of early dawn - Gilds with its rays that velvet lawn; - From every shrub and painted flower - Dew-drops distill in silvery shower; - Sweet perfumes load the air; the song - Of waking birds is borne along - Upon the bosom of the breeze - That murmurs through the waving trees; - The crystal brook that dances by - Gleams in the sunlight merrily; - All tells of joy, and love, and life— - _All?_—Said I everything was rife - With happiness?—Behold that form, - Like lily broken by the storm, - Fall’n prostrate on the steps before - The marble threshold of the door! - The well-turned limbs, the noble mien, - The riding-coat of Lincoln green; - The hat, whose plume of sable hue - Its shadow o’er his features threw; - Yon coal-black barb, too, panting near, - All show some youthful cavalier; - While, fatal evidence of strife, - From a deep hurt the flood of life - Proves, as its current stains the sod, - How man defiles the work of God. - With eager haste the servants raise - The head, and on the features gaze, - Then backward start in sad surprise - As that pale face they recognise. - Good reason theirs, although, in sooth, - They knew but half the fatal truth; - For, strange as doth the tale appear, - One startling fact is all too clear, - The robber, who on No-Man’s-Land - Was shot by Blaker’s ruthless hand,— - That highwayman of evil fame - Is beauteous Maude of Allinghame! - - -L’ENVOI. - - “Well, but that’s not the end?” - “Yes it is, my good friend.” - “Oh, I say! - That wont pay; - ’Tis a shocking bad way - To leave off so abruptly. I wanted to hear - A great many particulars: first, I’m not clear, - Is the young woman killed?” “Be at rest on that head, - She’s completely defunct, most excessively dead. - Blaker’s shot did the business; she’d just strength to fly, - Reached her home, rang the bell, and then sank down to die.” - “Poor girl! really it’s horrid! However I knew it - Could come to no good—I felt certain she’d rue it— - But pray, why in the world did the jade go to do it?” - “’Tis not easy to say; but at first, I suppose, - Just by way of a freak she rode out in man’s clothes.” - “Then her taking the money?” “A mere idiosyncrasy, - As when, some years since, a young gent, being with drink crazy, - Set off straight on end to the British Museum, - And, having arrived there, transgressed all the laws - Of good breeding, by smashing the famed Portland Vase; - Or the shop-lifting ladies, by dozens you see ’em, - For despising the diff’rence ’twixt tuum and meum, - Brought before the Lord Mayor every week, in the papers. - Why, the chief linen-drapers - Have a man in their shops solely paid for revealing - When they can’t keep their fair hands from picking and stealing. - ’Twas a mere woman’s fancy, a female caprice, - And you know at that time they’d no rural police.” - “Hum! it _may_ have been so. Well, is that all about it?” - “No; there’s more to be told, though I dare say you’ll doubt it- - s being true; but the story goes on to relate, - That, after Maude’s death, the old Hall and estate - Were put up to auction, and Master Blair thought it - Seemed a famous investment, bid for it and bought it, - And fitted it up in extremely bad taste; - But scarce had he placed - His foot o’er the threshold,—the very first night, - He woke up in a fright, - Being roused from his sleep by a terrible cry - Of ‘Fire!’—had only a minute to fly - In his shirt, Mrs. Blair in her⸺Well, never mind, - In the dress she had on at the time; while behind - Followed ten little blessings, who looked very winning - In ten little nightgowns of Irish linen; - They’d just time to escape, when the flames, with a roar - Like thunder, burst forth from each window and door; - And there, with affright, - They perceive by the light - Maude Allinghame’s sprite— - Her real positive ghost—no fantastic illusion - Conceived by their brains from the smoke and confusion— - With a hot flaming brand - In each shadowy hand, - Flaring up, like a fiend, in the midst of the fire, - And exciting the flames to burn fiercer and higher. - From what follows we learn that ghosts, spirits, and elves, - Are the creatures of habit as well as ourselves; - For Maude (that is, ghost Maude), when once she had done - The trick, seemed to think it was capital fun; - And whenever the house is rebuilt, and prepared - For a tenant, the rooms being all well scrubbed and aired, - The very first night the new owner arrives - Maude’s implacable spirit still ever contrives - Many various ways in - To set it a blazing; - In this way she’s done - Both the Phœnix and Sun - So especially brown by the fires she’s lighted, - That now, being invited - To grant an insurance, they always say when a nice - Offer is made them, - ’Tis no use to persuade them, - If a ghost’s in the case, they wont do it at any price.” - - -MORAL. - - And now for the moral! _Imprimis_, young heiresses, - Don’t go riding o’ nights, and don’t rob mayors or mayoresses; - As to robbing your suitors, allow me to say, - On the face of the thing ’tis a scheme that won’t pay; - Though they sigh and protest, and are dabs at love-making, - You’ll not find one in ten - Of these charming young men - Can produce on occasion a purse worth your taking. - Don’t refuse a good offer, but think ere you let a - Chance like that slip away, _that you mayn’t get a better_. - One more hint and I’ve done— - If by pistol or gun - It should e’er be your lot - (Which I hope it may not), - In a row to get shot, - And the doctor’s assistance should all prove in vain, - “When you give up the ghost, don’t resume it again.” - If you _do_ choose to “walk” and revisit this earth - To play tricks, let some method be mixed with your mirth. - As to burning down houses and ruining folks, - And flaring about like a Fire-king’s daughter,— - Allow me to say there’s no fun in such jokes, - ’Twould far better have been - To have copied Undine,— - There’s no harm in a mixture of _spirits and water_! - - Frank E. S. - - -FOOTNOTES - -[1] The following legend is founded on a story current in the part of -Herts where the scene is laid; the house was actually burnt down about -ten years ago, having just been rendered habitable. - -[2] The name of a lonely common near Harpenden, formerly a favourite site -for prize-fights. - - - - -“YE RIGHT ANCIENT BALLAD OF YE COMBAT OF KING TIDRICH WITH YE DRAGON.” - - -Ye Peroration. - - Hey for the march of intellect, - The schoolmaster’s abroad, - And still the cry is raised on high, - Obey his mighty word! - Where’er we go, both high and low, - Bow down before his nod; - And the sceptre may hide its jewelled pride, - For our sceptre’s the birchen rod. - - And all “enlightened citizens” and “learned brothers” say, - That the world was never - One half so clever - As it is in the present day. - Now I deny - This general cry; - And will proceed to tell you why - I’ve long since come to the conclusion, - ’Tis all a popular delusion. - - I have seen many a wild-beast show, - From the day when Messrs. Pidcock and Co. - Were what vulgar people call all-the-go, - To the time when society mourned for the loss - (All felt it, but no one like poor Mr. Cross) - Of the elephant “Chuney,” who went mad, ’tis said, - With the pressure and pain - He felt in his brain - From constantly bearing a _trunk_ on his head. - - And I have set eye on - That magnanimous lion, - Brave Wallace—oh, fye on - The brutes who could hie on - Fierce bull-dogs to fly on - His monarchical mane! I declare I could cry on - The bare thought, as one weeps when one goes to see “Ion.” - - And lately I’ve been - Down to Astley’s, and seen - His wonderful elephants act; what they mean - By their actions, I’ve not the most distant idea, - Why they stand on their heads, why they wag their fat tails, - Are to me hidden mysteries, “very like whales,” - As Hamlet remarks of some cloud he is certain - He perceives up aloft, whence they let down the curtain, - And whither they draw up the fairies and goddesses, - With their pretty pink legs and inadequate bodices. - - But of all the beasts I ever did see, - Whether of low or of high degree, - Despite the “schoolmaster,” - And “going a-head faster,” - The arts and the sciences, - And all their appliances, - Never an animal, chained or loose, - As yet have I heard - Utter one single word, - Or so much as attempt to say “Bo!” to a goose. - But you’ll see, if you read the next two or three pages, - That in what people now-a-days term the dark ages, - When the world was some thousand years younger or so, - Beasts could talk very well; and it wasn’t thought low - For a real live monarch his prowess to brag on, - And bandy high words with an insolent dragon. - - -Ye Right Ancient Ballad. - - The good King Tidrich rode from Bern[3] - (And a funny name had he), - His charger was bay, and he took his way - Under the greenwood-tree; - And ever he sang, as he rode along, - “’Tis a very fine thing - To be a crowned king, - And to feel one’s right arm strong.” - - King Tidrich was clad in armour of proof - (Whatever that may be) - And his helmet shone with many a stone, - Inserted cunningly; - While on his shield one might behold - A lion trying - To set off flying, - Emblazoned in burnished gold. - - King Tidrich was counting his money o’er, - As he rode the greenwood through, - When he was aware of a “shocking affair,” - And a terrible “to-do;” - Then loudly he shouted with pure delight, - “A glorious row, - I make mine avow; - I’ll on, and view the fight.” - - And a fearful sight it was, I ween, - As ever a king did see, - For a dragon old, and a lion bold, - Were striving wrathfully; - But the monarch perceived from the very first— - And it made him sad, - For “a reason he had,”— - That the lion would get the worst. - - When the lion saw the royal Knight, - These were the words he said: - “O mighty King, assistance bring, - Or I am fairly sped; - For the battle has been both fierce and long; - Two days and a night - Have I urged the fight, - But the dragon’s unpleasantly strong.” - - In a kind of Low Dutch did the lion speak, - Nor his stops did he neglect, - But e’en in his hurry, for Lindley Murray - Preserved a marked respect; - And he managed his H’s according to rule: - Full well I ween - Must the beast have been - Taught at some Public School. - - Long paused the royal hero then, - Grave thoughts passed through his brain; - Of his queen thought he, and his fair countrie[4] - He never might see again; - He thought of his warriors, that princely band, - Of Eckhart true, - And Helmschrot too, - And Wolfort’s red right hand.[5] - - But he thought of the lion he bore on his shield, - And he manned his noble breast,— - “’Twixt the lion and me there is sympathy, - And a dragon I detest; - I must not see the lion slain; - Both kings are we, - In our degree, - I of the city and he of the plain.” - - The first stroke that the monarch made, - His weapon tasted blood; - From many a scale of the dragon’s mail - Poured forth the crimson flood. - But when the hero struck again, - The treacherous sword - Forsook its lord, - And brake in pieces twain. - - The dragon laid him on her back - With a triumphant air, - And flung the horse her jaws across, - As a greyhound would seize a hare. - At a fearful pace to her rocky den, - To serve as food - For her young brood - Away she bore them then. - - They were a charming family, - Eleven little frights, - With deep surprise in their light-green eyes, - And fearful appetites; - And they wagged their tails with extreme delight, - For to dine on King - Is a dainty thing - When one usually dines on Knight. - - Before them then the steed she threw, - Saddle, and bridle, and crupper, - And bade them crunch its bones for lunch, - While they saved the king for supper; - Saying, she must sleep ere she could sup, - For after the fight - With the lion and knight, - She was thoroughly used up. - - A lucky chance for Tidrich: - He sought the dark cave over, - And soon the King did Adelring,[6] - That famous sword, discover: - “And was it here that Siegfried died?[7] - That champion brave, - Was this his grave?” - In grief the monarch cried. - - “I have ridden with him in princely hosts, - I have feasted with him in hall; - Sword, you and I will do or die, - But we’ll avenge his fall.” - Against the cavern’s rocky side - The king essayed - The trusty blade, - Till the flames gleamed far and wide. - - Up rose a youthful dragon then, - Right pallid was his hue; - For with fear and ire he viewed the fire - From out the rock that flew. - These words he to the king did say: - “If the noise thou dost make - Should our mother awake, - It is thou wilt rue the day.” - - “Be silent, thou young viper,” - ’Twas thus the king replied, - “Thy mother slew Siegfried the true, - A hero brave and tried; - And vengeance have I vowed to take - Upon ye all, - Both great and small, - For that dear warrior’s sake.” - - Then he aroused the dragon old, - Attacked her with his sword, - And a fearful fight, with strength and might - Fought he, that noble lord. - The dragon’s fiery breath, I ween, - Made his cuirass stout - Red hot throughout: - Such a sight was never seen. - - Despair lent strength to the monarch then; - A mighty stroke he made, - Through the dragon’s neck, without a check, - He passed his trenchant blade. - At their mother’s fall, each little fright - Began to yell - Like an imp of hell, - And nearly stunned the knight. - - He struck right and left with Adelring, - That trusty sword and good, - And in pieces small chopped each and all - Of the dragon’s hateful brood. - King Tidrich thus at honour’s call, - On German land, - With his strong right hand, - Avenged bold Siegfried’s fall. - - Now ye whose spirits thrill to hear - The trumpet-voice of fame, - Or love to read of warrior deed, - Remember Tidrich’s name; - And mourn that the days of chivalry - Are past and o’er, - And live no more, - Save in their glorious memory. - - Yet when Prince Albert rides abroad, - Our gracious Queen may feel - As well content, as if he went, - Encased in plates of steel; - Relying on the new Police, - Those bulwarks of the State, - That on their beat, no dragons eat - The Prince off his own plate! - - Frank E. S. - -[Should any reader wish to learn more of the various personages here -mentioned, we refer him to the “Illustrations of Northern Antiquities, -from the earlier Teutonic and Scandinavian Romances,” to which we are -indebted for our information on the subject.] - - -FOOTNOTES - -[3] King Tidrich, Dietrich, or Theoderic, the son of Thietmar, king of -Bern, and the fair Odilia, daughter of Essung Jarl, was, as it were, -the central hero of that well-known, popular, and interesting work the -“Book of Heroes,” which relates the deeds of the champions who attached -themselves to him, and the manner in which they joined his fellowship. - -[4] Tidrich of Bern was also king of Aumlungaland (Italy); he espoused -Herraud, daughter of King Drusiad, a relation of Attila. - -[5] These three champions were among the eleven heroes who accompanied -Tidrich in his memorable expedition to contend against the twelve -guardians of the Garden of Roses at Worms. - -[6] They had a weakness for naming swords in those days, just as in the -nineteenth century we delight in bestowing euphonious titles on “villa -residences,” puppy dogs, and men-of-war! - -[7] Sigurd, or Siegfried, son of Sigmond, king of Netherland, is the -chief hero of the Nibelungen Lay. There are various accounts of his -death, one of the least improbable supposes him to have been destroyed by -a dragon. - - - - -ST. MICHAEL’S EVE. - - - I will tell to you a story, for in winter time we bore ye - With many an ancient legend and tale of by-gone time; - And methinks that there is in it enough to pass a minute, - So, to add to my vain-glory, I have put it into rhyme. - - As I heard it you shall hear it,—by one whom I revere, it - Was told me, as in childhood upon his knee I sat. - It treats of days long vanished,—of the times of James the Banished, - Of periwig and rapier, and quaint three-cornered hat. - - Sir Walter Ralph de Guyon, of a noble house the scion, - Though his monarch was defeated, still held bravely to his cause, - And foremost in the slaughter by the Boyne’s ill-fated water - Was seen his knightly cognizance,—a bear with bloody paws. - - But when the fight was over, escaping under cover - Of the darkness and confusion, to England he returned, - As well might be expected, dispirited, dejected, - But his rage within him smouldered, nor ever brightly burned. - - Save when his daughter Alice would say in playful malice, - That she loved the gallant Orange much better than the Green; - And that as a maid she’d tarry, till she found a chance to marry - With one true to William, her bold king, and Mary, her good queen. - - Then Sir Walter’s brow would darken, and he’d mutter, “Alice, hearken! - By _my_ child no such treason shall be spoken e’en in jest; - And bethink you, oh, my daughter! there is one across the water - Who shall one day have his own again, though now he’s sore distressed.” - - Little knew he that each even, ’twixt the hours of six and seven, - Just below his daughter’s casement a whistle low was blown; - And that soon as e’er it sounded through the wicket-gate she bounded, - And was clasped in the embrace of one of bold “King William’s Own.” - - Ay! De Ruyter was a gentleman, and high-bred were his people; - No chapel-going folks were they, but loved a church and steeple! - His blood, of every good Dutch race contained a little sprinkle— - A Knickerbocker was his sire, his aunt a Rip van Winkle; - And so well he danced and sang, and kissed and talked so wondrous clever, - He gave this maiden’s heart a twist, and conquered it for ever! - And being thus a captain gay, “condemned to country quarters,” - A favourite of his royal lord, adorned with stars and garters, - He saw this young maid, - As one day on parade - He was gaily attired, all jackboots and braid. - He stared, she but glanced, - Her charms it enhanced; - She passed by him quickly, he rested entranced! - No orders he utters, - But vacantly mutters - (Though clamouring round him his underlings gabble hard), - “She’s to me Eloisa; to her I’ll be Abelard!” - - And ever since that hour, whene’er he had the power, - Across to bold Sir Walter’s the captain bent his path; - At the garden-gate he met her—upon his knee he set her— - And, vanquished by the daughter’s love, forgot the father’s wrath: - - Till when on the day in question, with a view to aid digestion, - Some retainers of Sir Walter, who with their lord had dined, - Bethought of promenading, what by Gamp is called the “garding,” - And, during their researches, what think ye they should find? - - But a gallant captain kneeling, and apparently appealing, - To a dame who to all seeming, was encouraging his suit; - All dishevelled were her tresses by the warmth of his caresses, - And her eye with love was _liquid_, although her voice was _mute_! - - “A prize! a prize!” quoth these Papist spies,— - “A prize for our gallant lord!” - And before poor De Ruyter awoke from surprise - They had pinioned his arms, they had bandaged his eyes; - And when he recovered, his first surmise - Was “At length I am thoroughly floored!” - For assistance he calls, but they gag him, - And off to Sir Walter they drag him; - While Abraham Cooper, - A stalwart old trooper, - Expresses a hope that they’ll “scrag” him. - He conceives it “a pretty idea, as - To think that these Dutch furrineerers - Should come here a-courtin’, - On our manors sportin’; - A set of young winkers and leerers!” - - Sir Walter’s brow grew black as night, - He doubted if he heard aright; - “What, to _my_ daughter kneeling _here_! - Methinks thou’rt daring, cavalier, - To venture ’neath the gripe of one - Whose ancient race, from sire to son, - Has ever, e’en in face of death, - Upheld that pure and holy faith - By thee and thine denied! - Or think’st thou that, to bow the knee - And whisper words of gallantry - To one of English blood and birth - Were pastime meet for hour of mirth? - God’s life! before to-morrow’s sun - Gilds yonder wood, thy race is run; - Nought care I for thy foreign king, - From yon tall oak thy corpse shall swing, - Let good or ill betide!” - - Away he is hurried, - All worried and flurried, - And locked in a chamber, dark, dirty, and small,— - Huge barriers of iron - The windows environ, - And the door leads but into the banqueting-hall. - The banqueting-hall is soon gaily lit up, - For Sir Walter loved dearly a well-filled cup, - And sent to invite - Each guest that night, - With “where you have dined, boys, why there you shall sup.” - - In the banqueting-hall, - Both great and small, - The cavalier knights, the retainers tall, - Together are gathered—one and all. - The red wine has flowed and taken effect - On all, save poor Alice, who, _distraite_, deject, - Has refused to take part in this riotous revel, - And wished those who did with the—Father of Evil. - - The mirth was at its loudest, the humblest and the proudest - Were hobnobbing together, as though the dearest friends; - While some for wine were bawling, there were others loudly calling - For a song,—that ancient fiction which e’er to misery tends; - - When Sir Walter grasped the table—rose, as well as he was able— - And entreated for a moment that his guests would give him heed: - “’Tis St. Michael’s Eve,—a time accursèd by a crime - Committed by my ancestor—a ruthless, bloody deed! - - “For during times of danger, a sable-armoured stranger - One night had roused the castle, and shelter had implored; - Much gold, he said, he carried, and now too late had tarried, - To risk the chance of robbers, or to cross the neighbouring ford. - - “He was shown into a bedroom, since that period called the Red Room, - (You can see it,” said Sir Walter, “for yonder is the door; - And there, in our safe keeping, the Dutchman now is sleeping); - And from that room the stranger never, never issued more. - - “But throughout this ancient castle, each terror-stricken vassal - Heard shriek on shriek resounding in the middle of the night; - And with the dawn of morning would each have ‘given warning,’ - But for one little obstacle yclept the ‘feudal right.’ - - “So no murm’ring e’er was uttered, and old Sir Brandreth muttered - That his visitor had left him as soon as break of day; - But one thing worth attention Sir Brandreth _didn’t_ mention,— - He didn’t take his armour; there in the room it lay, - - “And there it lies at present; but each credulous old peasant - Will tell you that upon this night the spectre walks abroad; - ’Tis just about his hour, if he really have the power, - We now shall see him. Heavens! he enters, by the Lord!” - - Bang! clash! - With a terrible crash, - Flies open the bedroom door, - And out stalks a figure, - To their eyes much bigger - Than great Gog or Magog, more black than a nigger, - In armour accoutred from head to heel,— - Black rusty old armour, not polished steel. - His vizor is down, but he takes a sight, - Though he moves not his eyes to the left or right; - He says not a word, but he walks straight on, - The hall door opes at his step! he’s gone! - He clanks ’cross the court-yard, and enters the stable; - His footsteps are heard by the guests ’neath the table, - For there they have hidden them every one. - - There, shivering and shaking, they waited till the breaking - Of the daylight showed the power of all ghosts was at an end; - Then one by one uprising, declared it was surprising - That, overcome by liquor, each had dropped down by his friend; - - Till the heart of each was lightened by finding that as frightened - As he himself were all by the spiritual sight; - But their courage and their strength coming back to them at length, - They hasten to the prisoner’s room, and find it—vacant quite! - - Yes! De Ruyter had departed! for while lying all downhearted, - And thinking of poor Alice, he remembered just in time - The spectre-walking legend—he had heard it from a “peagant” - (Excuse the Gampism, reader, but I use it for the rhyme); - - And on the instant bright’ning, he proceeded, quick as lightning, - To dress him in the armour which the sable knight had left; - And he listened to the host, till, at mention of the ghost, - He burst upon the drinkers, of their senses nigh bereft. - - He called Alice to the stable; then, as fast as he was able, - Galloped off towards his quarters; thence to London hastened on; - There was married to his charmer, thence sent back the sable armour, - And asked Sir Walter’s sanction to the good deed he had done. - - My tale is nearly ended. Sir Walter, much offended - At the hoax played off upon him, would not listen for awhile; - But regretting much his daughter, came at length to town and sought her, - For he missed her childish prattle and her fond endearing smile. - - And then on this occasion a grand reconciliation - He had with young De Ruyter—ever after they were friends. - So having now related the tale to me as stated, - I take my humble leave of you, and here my story ends. - - E. H. Y. - -[Illustration: ST. MICHAEL’S EVE.—p. 36.] - - - - -THE KING OF THE CATS. A RHINE LEGEND. - - - Time, midnight; scene, Rheinland; a castle of course, - A castle of bloodshed and slaughter, - Such a castle as barons oppressed with remorse - Inhabit, and nightly are seen in such force - With boots so brickdusted and voices so hoarse - On the Surrey side o’ the water. - - Adolf von Lebenwurst sits in his chair, - The firelight flickers o’er him, - It lights up the curls of his chesnut hair, - It plays o’er his beard and mustachios rare, - For the sake of which latter the sex called “fair” - Is reported to adore him. - - And close by his side sits his great Tom cat, - So indolent, lazy, so sleek and fat, - That marauding mouse and rebellious rat - In safety keep up their revels, - ’Neath tapestry, arras, and wainscot board, - Till the servants declare their departed lord - From his warm berth below must have wandered abroad - To play hide-and-seek with the devils. - - And bitter blows the wind without, and fiercely drifts the rain, - And beats, as though it entrance sought, against the window pane; - ’Twas such a night as witches love, when on the blasted heath, - Beneath the tree where swings the corpse, they lead the dance of death; - ’Twas such a night as women dread, and kneeling ere they sleep, - Implore God’s grace for husbands, sons, and brothers on the deep; - ’Twas such a night as trav’llers hate, and seek the nearest roof, - Distrusting Cording’s overcoats and capes of waterproof. - And one of this last-mentioned class now gains the castle door, - And rings the bell more loudly than it e’er was rung before, - And passing by the warder grim, the wond’ring vassals all, - Pursues his course with staggering step across the noble hall; - He climbs the winding turret-stair, he reaches Adolf’s room, - And pale as any ghost or ghoule that ever left the tomb, - He sinks into a chair, - With a vacant stare, - Examines by turns all the furniture there; - He gasps and he groans, - And he bellows and moans, - And he mutters of devils, Old Nick, Davey Jones, - Till his host, who of flying begins to think, - Is relieved by his asking for “something to drink.” - - “The glasses sparkle on the board, - The wine is ruby bright,” - The guest to sense at length restored, - Declares himself “all right.” - The red blood paints his cheek again, his breast no longer heaves, - And he and Adolf o’er their wine are soon as thick as thieves. - Together they’re laughing, - And talking, and chaffing, - And after each shout comes a fresh bout of quaffing, - Till Adolf asks Kraus, so the stranger is hight, - To give an account of the terrible fright - From which he with him had sought refuge that night. - - Oh, Mr. Tennyson! - Grant me your benison, - You, who are fed on sack, turtle, and venison! - Pity a rhymer, - Child of a mimer, - Who, of Parnassus, can scarce be called any son! - Help me! inspire me! - With fine thoughts fire me! - Let me please those who so graciously hire me! - As I try to describe the funeral rite - Which was witnessed by Kraus on that stormy night, - And mainly occasioned his terrible fright! - Thus spake he, in metre sometimes used by you, - Which is always successful, let me try it, too! - - “Many a morning have I wandered, strolling o’er the barren plain - Which surrounds this noble castle, and is part of your domain; - Many an evening have I staggered homeward o’er the blasted heath, - Singing, ‘wont go home till morning,’ with a spirit-tainted breath; - Many a time I’ve passed the ruined abbey hidden in the trees, - Covered with a mouldy mantle like an ancient Schweitzer cheese, - Joyous thoughts I always nourished! now what misery lurks beneath! - Oh, the horrid, horrid abbey, oh, the blasted, blasted heath! - Listen, comrade, and believe me, as I passed the spot this night, - Suddenly the ruined abbey shone revealed one blaze of light; - And before each sep’rate entrance stood, in either hand a torch, - Two huge cats in mourning garments, placed as sentries in the porch! - As I halted, half entrancéd, senses going, eye-balls dim, - Sudden o’er my ear came wafted echoes of a mournful hymn! - Nearer pressed I, to a window, climbed, and looking down below, - Saw a funeral procession, marching solemnly and slow. - Eight great cats a bier supported, on the which a dead cat lay, - Scores of others followed after, tabbies, brindles, black, and grey; - On the breast of the departed was there placed a regal crown, - And his features were all placid, undisturbed by smile or frown. - Thrice around the aisle they bore him, thrice arose a caterwaul, - Then they covered o’er the body with a gilt-edged ratskin pall; - Thrice arose the mournful requiem, by the echoes borne afar, - _Ci-git notre roi Grimalkin, brave et noble roi des châts_. - From the abbey then I hastened, flying off in dread and fear, - Not an instant stopped or stayed I, till I found a refuge here, - Ne’er again to cross that heather after nightfall have I vowed— - Heavens! look! with superhuman sense another cat endowed!” - - ’Twas so, for scarcely had he spoke - Than a cry of grief from the Tom cat broke, - He wept and shrieked aloud— - “Oh, Grimalkin, my father! my own loved sire! - To think I should leave thee alone to expire, - Surrounded by a hireling crowd, - While I was slumb’ring here! - From strangers I learn thy lamented death, - To strangers thou yieldedst thy latest breath, - And strangers watched thy bier! - If repentance yet serves, behold me now - In grief and affliction—mol row! mol row!” - - Thus mourned Tom his sire, when nearer and nigher - A tramp on the stairs resounded, - And into the room through the deep’ning gloom - A mourning-clad tabby bounded. - And after him there comes a train of pussies black and grey, - From Lady Tab who acts the prude to Misses Kit at play, - And down before great Tom they kneel, - With many a caterwaul and squeal - They greet him Lord and King, - They hail him King of Tabby Land, - They deck him with a ratskin grand, - And a golden crown they bring— - At once a procession is started, - Through the great castle gate it departed, - Not so much as a tail - Was e’er seen, I’ll go bail, - By Adolf, who after it darted— - - Such was the tale that last winter I heard - From a beery old German, who stoutly averred - Each word of it was veracious; - For myself, I believe it strictly true, - The blame of discredit I leave to you, - If your faith be less capacious. - - E. H. D. - - - - -THE LAPWING. - - “Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.”—SHAKESPEARE. - - - “Come, write me some lines,” said my own darling Annie, - “You say that you love me, my beauty you praise; - And you make them by dozens for Laura or Fanny, - While I’m deemed unworthy to shine in your lays. - - “From the land of the grape, to the hill of the heather, - Each troubadour poured forth his verses of yore, - While you, with the power to string rhyme together, - Have ne’er penned a stanza to her you adore.” - - So spoke mine own Annie, and hurriedly hiding - Her head in my bosom, the tears ’gan to flow: - So I hastened to soothe her, her anger deriding, - And pressed with my lips her fair forehead of snow. - - But no peace could be made, e’en by dint of embraces, - Till I owned my sad error again and again; - And when I’d dispelled sorrow’s lingering traces, - I made my defence in the following strain:— - - “The lapwing, my love, is a sweet little bird, - Well known for the care that it takes of its young; - And if where the voice of this lapwing is heard - You seek for its nest, you are sure to be wrong. - - “For by twitt’ring and screaming it seeks to beguile - The pursuer from where its heart’s treasure is laid; - And, were you a sage, you would see with a smile - How the smallest of creatures call guile to their aid! - - “So I, full courageously, pour forth the praises - Of Laura or Fanny, those moths of an hour, - But you, my heart’s darling, I hide amidst mazes - More subtle than those of Fair Rosamond’s bower. - - “For I own that I fear lest, by praising your charms, - I should e’er to the smallest suspicion give rise, - And some daring pursuer should tear from my arms - My own darling Annie, the light of my eyes!” - - E. H. D. - - - - -THE ENCHANTED NET. - - - Could we only give credit to half we are told, - There were sundry strange monsters existing of old; - As evinced (on the _ex pede_ Herculean plan, - Which from merely a footstep presumes the whole man) - By our _Savans_ disturbing those very large bones, - Which have turned (for the rhyme’s sake, perhaps) into stones, - And have chosen to wait a - Long while hid in _strata_, - While old Time has been dining on empires and thrones. - Old bones and dry bones, - Leg-bones and thigh-bones, - Bones of the vertebræ, bones of the tail,— - Very like, only more so, the bones of a whale; - Bones that were very long, bones that were very short - (They have never as yet found a real fossil merry-thought; - Perchance because mastodons, burly and big, - Considered all funny-bones quite _infra dig_.) - Skulls have they found in strange places imbedded, - Which, at least, prove their owners were very long-headed; - And other queer things,—which ’tis not my intention, - Lest I weary your patience, at present to mention,— - As I think I can prove, without further apology, - What I said to be true, sans appeal to geology, - That there lived in the good old days gone by - Things unknown to our modern philosophy, - And a giant was then no more out of the way - Than a dwarf is now in the present day. - Sir Eppo of Epstein was young, brave, and fair; - Dark were the curls of his clustering hair, - Dark the moustache that o’ershadowed his lip, - And his glance was as keen as the sword at his hip; - Though the enemy’s charge was like lightning’s fierce shock, - His seat was as firm as the wave-beaten rock; - And woe to the foeman, whom pride or mischance - Opposed to the stroke of his conquering lance. - He carved at the board, and he danced in the hall, - And the ladies admired him, each one and all. - In a word, I should say, he appears to have been - As nice a young “ritter” as ever was seen. - - He could not read nor write, - He could not spell his name, - Towards being a clerk, Sir Eppo, his (†) mark, - Was as near as he ever came. - He had felt no vexation - From multiplication; - Never puzzled was he - By the rule of three; - The practice he’d had - Did not drive him mad, - Because it all lay - Quite a different way. - The Asses’ Bridge, that Bridge of Sighs, - Had (lucky dog!) ne’er met his eyes. - In a very few words he expressed his intention - Once for all to decline every Latin declension, - When persuaded to add, by the good Father Herman, - That most classical tongue to his own native German. - And no doubt he was right in - Point of fact, for a knight in - Those days was supposed to like nothing but fighting; - And one who had learned any language that is hard - Would have stood a good chance of being burned for a wizard. - Education being then never pushed to the verge ye - Now see it, was chiefly confined to the clergy. - - ’Twas a southerly wind and a cloudy sky, - For aught that I know to the contrary; - If it wasn’t, it ought to have been proper_ly_, - As it’s certain Sir Eppo, his feather bed scorning, - Thought that _something_ proclaimed it a fine hunting morning; - So, pronouncing his benison - O’er a cold haunch of venison, - He floored the best half, drank a gallon of beer, - And set out on the Taurus to chase the wild deer. - - Sir Eppo he rode through the good greenwood, - And his bolts flew fast and free; - He knocked over a hare, and he passed the lair - (The tenant was out) of a grisly bear; - He started a wolf, and he got a snap shot - At a bounding roe, but he touched it not, - Which caused him to mutter a naughty word - In German, which luckily nobody heard, - For he said it right viciously; - And he struck his steed with his armèd heel, - As though horse-flesh were tougher than iron or steel, - Or anything else that’s unable to feel. - - What is the sound that meets his ear? - Is it the plaint of some wounded deer? - Is it the wild-fowl’s mournful cry, - Or the scream of yon eagle soaring high? - Or is it only the southern breeze - As it sighs through the boughs of the dark pine trees? - No Sir Eppo, be sure ’tis not any of these: - And hark, again! - It comes more plain— - ’Tis a woman’s voice in grief or pain. - - Like an arrow from the string, - Like a stone that leaves the sling, - Like a railroad-train with a queen inside, - With directors to poke and directors to guide, - Like the rush upon deck when a vessel is sinking, - Like (I vow I’m hard up for a simile) winking! - In less time than by name you Jack Robinson can call, - Sir Eppo dashed forward o’er hedge, ditch, and hollow, - In a steeple-chase style I’d be sorry to follow, - And found a young lady chained up by the ankle— - Yes, chained up in a cool and business-like way, - As if she’d been only the little dog Tray; - While, the more to secure any knight-errant’s pity, - She was really and truly excessively pretty. - - Here was a terrible state of things! - Down from his saddle Sir Eppo springs, - As lightly as if he were furnished with wings, - While every plate in his armour rings. - The words that he uttered were short and few, - But pretty much to the purpose too, - As sternly he asked, with lowering brow, - “Who’s been and done it, and where is he now?” - - ’Twere long to tell - Each word that fell - From the coral lips of that demoiselle; - However, as far as I’m able to see, - The pith of the matter appeared to be - That a horrible giant, twelve feet high, - Having gazed on her charms with a covetous eye, - Had stormed their castle, murdered papa, - Behaved very rudely to poor dear mamma, - Walked off with the family jewels and plate, - And the tin and herself at a terrible rate; - Then by way of conclusion - To all this confusion, - Tied her up like a dog - To a nasty great log, - To induce her (the brute) to become Mrs. Gog; - That ’twas not the least use for Sir Eppo to try - To chop off his head, or to poke out his eye, - As he’d early in life done a bit of Achilles - (Which, far better than taking an “Old Parr’s life-pill” is,) - Had been dipped in the Styx, or some equally old stream, - And might now face unharmed a battalion of Coldstream. - - But she’d thought of a scheme - Which did certainly seem - Very likely to pay—no mere vision or dream:— - It appears that the giant each day took a nap - For an hour (the wretch!) with his head in her lap: - Oh, she hated it so! but then what could she do? - Here she paused, and Sir Eppo remarked, “Very true;” - And that during this time one might pinch, punch, or shake him, - Or do just what one pleased, but that nothing could wake him, - While each horse and each man in the emperor’s pay - Would not be sufficient to move him away, - Without magical aid, from the spot where he lay. - In an old oak chest, in an up-stairs room - Of poor papa’s castle, was kept an heir-loom, - An enchanted net, made of iron links, - Which was brought from Palestine, she thinks, - By her great grandpapa, who had been a Crusader; - If she had but got that, she was sure it would aid her. - Sir Eppo, kind man, - Approves of the plan; - Says he’ll do all she wishes as quick as he can; - Begs she wont fret if the time should seem long; - Snatches a kiss, which was “pleasant but wrong;” - Mounts, and taking a fence in good fox-hunting style, - Sets off for her family-seat on the Weil. - The sun went down, - The bright stars burned, - The morning came, - And the knight returned; - The net he spread - O’er the giant’s bed, - While Eglantine, and Hare-bell blue, - And some nice green moss on the spot he threw; - Lest perchance the monster alarm should take, - And not choose to sleep from being too _wide awake_. - Hark to that sound! - The rocks around - Tremble—it shakes the very ground; - While Irmengard cries, - As tears stream from her eyes,— - A lady-like weakness we must not despise - (And here, let me add, I have been much to blame, - As I long ago ought to have mentioned her name): - “Here he comes! now do hide yourself, dear Eppo, pray; - For _my_ sake, I entreat you, keep out of his way.” - Scarce had the knight - Time to get out of sight - Among some thick bushes, which covered him quite, - Ere the giant appeared. Oh! he was such a fright! - He was very square built, a good twelve feet in height, - And his waistcoat (three yards round the waist) seemed too tight; - While, to add even yet to all this singularity, - He had but one eye, and his whiskers were carroty. - - What an anxious moment! Will he lie down? - Ah, how their hearts beat! he seems to frown,— - No, ’tis only an impudent fly that’s been teasing - His _snub_lime proboscis, and set him a sneezing. - Attish hu! attish hu! - You brute, how I wish you - Were but as genteel as the Irish lady, - Dear Mrs. O’Grady, - Who, chancing to sneeze in a noble duke’s face, - Hoped she hadn’t been guilty of splashing his Grace. - Now, look out. Yes, he will! No, he wont! By the powers! - I thought he was taking alarm at the flowers; - But it luckily seems, his gigantic invention - Has at once set them down as a little attention - On Irmengard’s part,—done by way of suggestion - That she means to say “Yes,” when he next pops the question. - - There! he’s down! now he yawns, and in one minute more— - I thought so, he’s safe—he’s beginning to snore; - He is wrapped in that sleep he shall wake from no more. - From his girdle the knight take a ponderous key; - It fits—and once more is fair Irmengard free. - - From heel to head, and from head to heel, - They wrap their prey in that net of steel, - And they _croché_ the edges together with care, - As you finish a purse for a fancy-fair, - Till the last knot is tied by the diligent pair. - At length they have ended their business laborious, - And Eppo shouts “Bagged him, by all that is glorious!” - No billing and cooing, - You must up and be doing. - Depend on’t, Sir Knight, this is no time for wooing; - You’ll discover, unless you progress rather smarter, - That catching a giant’s like catching a Tartar: - He still has some thirty-five minutes to sleep. - Close to this spot hangs a precipice steep, - Like Shakspeare’s tall cliff which they show one at Dover; - Drag him down to the brink, and then let him roll over; - As they scarce make a capital crime of infanticide, - There can’t be any harm in a little giganticide. - - “Pull him, and haul him! take care of his head! - Oh, how my arms ache—he’s as heavy as lead! - That’ll do, love—I’m sure I can move him alone, - Though I’m certain the brute weighs a good forty stone. - Yo! heave ho! roll him along - (It’s exceedingly lucky the net’s pretty strong); - Once more—that’s it—there, now, I think - He’s done to a turn, he rests on the brink; - At it again, and over he goes - To furnish a feast for the hooded crows; - Each vulture that makes the Taurus his home - May dine upon giant for months to come.” - - Lives there a man so thick of head - To whom it must in words be said, - How Eppo did the lady wed, - And built upon the giant’s bed - A castle, walled and turreted? - We will hope not; or, if there be, - Defend us from his company! - - Frank E. S. - -[Illustration: THE ENCHANTED NET.—p. 51.] - - - - -A FYTTE OF THE BLUES. - -(_Air_—“THE OLD ENGLISH GENTLEMAN.”) - - - Of Woman’s rights and Woman’s wrongs we’ve heard much talk of late, - The first seem most extensive, and the latter very great; - And Mrs. Ellis warns men, not themselves to agitate, - For ’neath petticoats and pinafores is hid the future fate - Of this wondrous nineteenth century, the youngest child of Time! - - The Turks they had a notion, fit alone for Turks and fools, - That womankind has no more mind than horses or than mules; - But this idea’s exploded quite, as to your cost you’ll find - If you intend to change or bend some stalwart female mind, - In this Amazonian century, precocious child of Time. - - If by external signs you seek this strength of mind to trace, - You’ll observe a very “powerful” expression in her face; - The lady’s stockings will be blue, and inky be her hand, - And her head quite full of something hard she doesn’t understand, - Like a puzzle-pated Bluestocking, one of the modern time. - - And her dress will be peculiar, both in fabric and in make, - An artistic classic tragic highly-talented mistake; - Which is what she calls “effective,” though I’d rather not express - The effect produced on thoughtless minds by such a style of dress, - When worn by some awful Bluestocking, one of the modern time. - - She’ll talk about statistics, and ask if you’re inclined - To join the progress movement for development of mind. - If you inquire what that means, she’ll frown and say ’tis best - Such matter should be understood, but never be expressed, - By a stern suggestive Bluestocking, in this mystic modern time. - - She’ll converse upon æsthetics, and then refer to figures, - And turn from Angels bright and fair, to sympathise with Niggers, - Whom she’ll style “our sable brethren,” and pretend are martyrs quite; - And, with Mrs. H—t B—r St—e, she’ll swear that black is white, - Like a trans-Atlantic Bluestocking, one of the modern time. - - She never makes a pudding, and she never makes a shirt, - And if she’s got some little Blues, they’re black and blue with dirt; - When the wretched man her husband comes, though tired he may be, - She’ll regenerate society, instead of making tea, - Like a real strong-minded Bluestocking, the plague of the modern time. - - -MORAL. - - The moral of my song is this, just leave all “ics” and “ologies” - For men to exercise their brains, on platforms and in colleges; - Let woman’s proud and honoured place be still the fireside, - And still man’s household deities, his mother and his bride, - In this our nineteenth century, the favoured child of Time. - - Frank E. S. - - - - -THE FORFEIT HAND; A LEGEND OF BRABANT.[8] - - -Fytte ye First. - - Geraldus the Abbot sat bolt upright, - Bolt upright, in his great arm-chair, - He ground his teeth, and his beard beneath - Seemed _crêpé_ with anger every hair; - And every hair, whether grizzled or white, - On his head stood erect (as so often the case is, - Whene’er fury or fear better feeling effaces). - Thus encircling his tonsure, which same a smooth space is, - In the desert of scalp a monastic oasis! - - Geraldus the Abbot his temper had lost, - Insult had fall’n on the Prelate proud— - Heretic hands in a blanket had tost - Lay Brother Ludwig, one of the crowd - Of the Abbot’s dependents, a useful and able man, - Neither fish, flesh, nor fowl, half a friar, half stable-man. - But this shaking his brain so completely had addled, - That the next time Geraldus’s palfrey he saddled, - He forgot both the girths, an important omission, - Which occasioned a sudden and rude imposition - On our general Mamma: (we allude to the Earth, - Who most kindly supports us, who gave our race birth, - And will give, when breath fails, and we cannot replace it, - Furnished lodgings, a stone, and the motto, “_Hic jacet_.”) - “_Hic_” did “_jacet_” Geraldus, when rashly he tried, - Foot in stirrup, to climb to his saddle and ride; - For the saddle turned round, - And he came to the ground, - With a hollow and pectoral “_woughf_” kind of sound. - (Printing cannot express it, - But ’twill help you to guess it, - If you’ve ever remarked the peculiar behaviour, - When he rams a large stone, of an Irish pavier.) - Well, he wasn’t much hurt, - But appeared from the dirt, - Which adhered to his mitre and robes, to be rather - A ghastly and horrible sight for a Father - Confessor, who ere he thus rudely was tost - In the mire, was got up regardless of cost. - For this fall he vowed vengeance, and straightway on that theme a - Writ was prepared which wound up with “Anathema!” - - Yolenta of Corteryke sat in her bower, - Which was not an arbour - Where earwigs might harbour, - And availing themselves of some _al fresco_ tea-table, - Lie and kick on their backs amidst everything eatable, - But the very best room in the very best tower. - Yolenta was young and Yolenta was fair, - She’d extremely pink cheeks and extremely smooth hair, - And a pair of bright eyes with so roguish a glance in ’em, - That the spirit of mischief and fun seemed to dance in ’em; - And a sweet little foot and a dear little hand, - And a thorough-bred air, and a look of command, - As noble a lady as one in the land. - - Yet Yolenta had “suffered;”—her little affairs - Of the heart had gone roughly, a custom of theirs - From time immemorial, since Helen lost Troy, - And pious Æneas made Dido a toy - Of the moment, then left her, a striking variety, - In the uniform course of his orthodox piety. - A young gent was her first love, of birth and condition, - Whose very name, Loridon, seemed an admission - He was formed to adore, but then what’s in a name? - Had they christened him Jack, she’d have “loved him the same,” - Because—mark the reason—her Pa had been rude - To his Guv’nor, which led to a family feud. - So the Lord Lettelhausen called up his son Loridon, - And exclaimed, “Of all girls, to have fixed on that horrid one! - The daughter, you scamp, of the man I detest! - But I’ll never consent! if I do, I’ll be—blest! - Miss Yolenta, indeed! why, my garters and stars! - This is worse than your tricks with latch-keys and cigars! - Now, be off to the wars, nor on any pretences, - Show your face here again till you’ve come to your senses.” - So _Malbrook se va-t-en guerre_, - In a state of deep despair. - - Then Yolenta’s papa thought he’d best take a part in it, - By performing the _rôle_ of the tyrant and Martinet, - And proposed as a suitor, - An old co-adjutor - In many a dark deed, which no one but a brute or - Barbarian would perpetrate, one Baron Corteryke, - Whom he coolly informed her she certainly ought to like, - But, whether or no, in a week’s time must marry— - And his will being the law, - This medieval Bashaw - Pooh-pooh’d Ma’mselle’s suggestion of wishing to tarry, - And so, sending to Gunter, got up, like John Parry, - A first-rate entertainment, and vast charivari; - But yet, after all, was unable to carry - Out his cruel intentions, for ’twixt cup and lip - There occurred in this case a most notable slip; - To describe it, our metre we’ve stol’n, ’twill be seen, - From the song of one “Jock,” who’s sirnamed Hazeldean. - - “The kirk was deckt at even-tide, - The tapers glimmered fair, - The Baron Cort’ryke sought his bride, - And this time she _was_ there! - She said, ‘I will,’ as if a pill - Had stuck within her throat, - But fortune kind was still inclined - To grant an antidote; - - “For scarce beside the altar stone, - The nuptial knot was tied, - When some vile party, name unknown, - Stabbed Cort’ryke in the side! - His anguish sore, not long he bore, - Physicians wor in vain, - Death did consider, him and his widder, - And eased him of his pain.” - - So the lovely Yolenta was “quit for the fright” - Took the name, tin, and castle (a rare widow’s mite) - And wondered how Loridon fared in the fight. - - “It was Geraldus’ serving man, - Ludwigus he was hight, - For fair Bettye, that damsel free, - He sighed both day and night; - Fair Bettye at the tapestry wrought, - In Dame Yolenta’s bower; - To ease the pain of this her swain, - She lacked both will and power. - - “Dan Cupid, that misch_ie_vous boy, - Ludwig to sorrow brought; - For ogling of the fair Bettye, - Him, Dame Yolenta caught; - And as in true love men are still - (As well as oysters) crossed, - Ludwig, to cure his fantasy, - Was in a blanket tossed.” - - “_Hinc illæ lachrymæ_,” thence all these woes! - From this pitching and tossing the shindy arose! - - ’Tis the voice of a Herald! I heard him proclaim, - That he carries a summons for Corteryke’s dame, - Which sets forth how that same - Fair lady’s to blame, - For the high misdemeanour, the sin, and the shame, - Of tossing a lay brother, Ludwig by name, - In a blanket, whereby she did cut, wound, and maim, - And maliciously injure, and wilfully lame, - And despitefully maltreat, deride, and make game, - And confuse, and abuse, and misuse, and defame! - A monk of Saint Benedict, - Which by a then edict - Was a legal offence; so Yolenta was cited - To appear, and show cause - Why she’d broken the laws, - At the next petty sessions, where she was invited - To plead in her own proper person, and wait a - Decree from my Lord Lettelhausen, the pater - Of poor banished Loridon, likewise the frater - Of the plaintiff Geraldus, an excellent hater - Of all who opposed him, a reg’lar first-rater, - Full of envy and malice, a real aggravator, - Who’d have charmed Doctor Johnson, that learn’d commentator, - Had he chanced but to live a few centuries later. - - The Herald he stood in the castle hall, - Seneschal, warder, and page, were there; - And he read his citation fair and free, - In a baritone voice that went up to G, - As loudly as he could bawl. - And he cleared his throat, and he pushed back his hair - With a negligent, nonchalant, jaunty air; - As though he would ask of the bystanding “parties,”— - “Pri’thee what do ye think of _me_, my hearties?” - - Yolenta she smiled, and Yolenta she frowned, - And her delicate foot in a pet tapped the ground; - And when she turned to the herald to greet him, - The flash of her eye seemed to say she could eat him; - Though their points curled up to the knees of his trews, - I’d have been sorry to stand in his shoes. - Then she answered him shortly and sweetly,— - “Ye’re a bold man, Sir Herald, I trow— - A bold and an insolent man, I ween; - A scurrilous knave, I make mine avow; - But perhaps you may find that I’m not quite so green - As your masters imagine. You’ve done it most featly - This time I’ll allow; - But it struck me just now, - When you entered my castle to kick up this row, - You’d have fared quite as well if you’d journey’d on farther; - I’m afraid you’ve, young man, put your foot in it—_rather!_” - Then she signed with her hand, and six mutes in black armour, - As by magic appeared, laid their lances in rest, - And directed their points to the herald’s bare breast,— - A sight which it must be confessed might alarm a - Brave man in those very unscrupulous days, - When a life more or less, was a mere bagatelle; - And when sticking a porker, or stabbing a swell, - Were alike household duties—a singular phase - In those “sweet” Middle Ages, on which such dependence is - Placed by young ladies with “Puseyite” tendencies. - Howe’er this may be, - Our herald felt he - Had no “call” to assist in this _felo de se_; - So straight fell on his knee, - And exclaimed, “Don’t you see, - Noble Countess Yolenta, this good jest at present - Is a great deal too pointed and sharp to be pleasant? - I humbly beg pardon, - So pray don’t be hard on - A penitent cove, whose name’s printed this card on.” - Then he handed his pasteboard, gilt type, and a border, - Stamped, - - +-----------------------------------+ - | DE RODON. | - | Heraldic work furnished to order. | - +-----------------------------------+ - - Yolenta she smiled, and Yolenta she frowned, - Then light rang her laugh with its silvery sound. - “Rise, valiant De Rodon,” she mockingly cried, - “And behold by what foemen your mettle’s been tried.” - Then each sable spearsman his vizor unclasps, - And six laughing girls with bright mischievous eyes, - Poke their fun at De Rodon, who’s mute with surprise - And disgust, while Yolenta her riding wand grasps, - Sharply switches the recreant kneeling before her, - And turns to depart,— - When up with a start - Springs De Rodon, and pallid with anger leans o’er her. - Then hisses these words in her ear,—“Ere you smile - Or rejoice in your stratagem, listen awhile, - And learn that a herald discharging his duty - Is sacred; despite of your wealth, rank, and beauty, - For the stroke you have dealt me YOUR FAIR HAND IS FORFEIT; - By the axe of the headsman, ere many days, off it - Shall be hewn, and when next men to fury you goad on, - Bear in mind the revenge of the herald De Rodon!” - - -Fytte ye Second - - When the weather is hazy, and not the least sign in - The clouds of their showing a silvery lining; - When a bill’s coming due, and you’ve no chance of meeting it; - When old Harry’s to pay, and the pitch has no heat in it; - When you’re thinking of popping, and suddenly find - That your inamorata’s not that way inclined; - When you’ve published a novel, and find it don’t sell; - When you rise from the wine cup, and don’t feel quite well; - When some six-feet-six monster, by jealousy led, - Suggests “satisfaction” or “punching your head;” - When your wife’s taken cross, or the “olive-branch” sick; - When your wardrobe’s worn out, and your tailor wont “tick;” - When your money’s all gone, and your creditors dun for it; - I think you’ll agree, - That the best plan will be - To (I speak in the language of slang) “cut and run for it.” - - Thus, then, reason’d Yolenta of Corteryke, but - With this difference, she “ran” to avoid the “cut” - Of all cuts “most unkindest” (bad grammar, you know, - When it’s written by Shakespeare no longer is so), - Which De Rodon had promised her, _axe_-ing her hand, - In a manner no woman of feeling could stand - With composure; so straightway Yolenta resolved - To make herself scarce, which manœuvre involved - Much domestic confusion; each man and each maid - Requiring their wages, and board-wages, paid - For a month in advance; while the butler grew crusty - As his oldest port wine; and fair Bettye cried “Must I - Be the cause of this woe—from my dear mistress sever— - Lose my place and my perquisites! which my endeavour - Has still been to draw mild. Well, I never did—never!” - (Then addressing the public at large) “Did _you_ ever?” - These arrangements concluded, Yolenta began - Packing up—the last duty of travelling man— - But the business of life - To maid, widow, or wife, - Except Ida Pfeiffer, that wonder, who can - With umbrella and tooth-brush, reach far Yucatan, - And, like Ariel, span - The earth with a girdle, which some commentator - On Shakespeare imagines must mean the Equator. - Well, she packed up her traps in a leathern valise, - Which contained sundry stockings, a nice new ⸺, but he’s - No gentleman, clearly, who’d Hobbs-like, the locks - Endeavour to pick of _so_ private a box. - Then, by way of disguise, Dame Yolenta decided - (Don’t be horrified, dear lady-readers, though I did - Myself think it strange that my heroine chose - To set out on her rambles attired in _such_ clothes), - For convenience of trav’lling, perhaps, to assume a - Man’s dress—not the epicene compromise, Bloomer, - But the regular masculine _propria quæ maribus_, - A male coat, a male waistcoat, _et ceteris paribus_, - A gay cap and feather, - Unfit for bad weather,— - A sword by her side, and a fine prancing horse, - Which she sat, I’m afraid, not “aside” but “across;” - With one groom to attend her— - Nought else to defend her— - Like a “Young Lochinvar” of the feminine gender, - The ill-fated Yolenta rode off at a canter, - And became what the stockbrokers term “a levanter.” - - Now you’ll please to suppose, - That she follow’d her nose, - A fine aquiline organ that proudly arose, - Filling just the right space - On her bright sparkling face, - Excelling, as butterfly’s better than grub, - Those unlucky _“retroussés_” in _plain_ English, “snub,” - Which men always pretend to, and often desire, - But never can really and truly admire; - She followed her nose - To (I blush to disclose - For it does seem so forward; but then no one knows - The whys and the wherefores, the _cons_ and the _pros_, - Which decide other folks; in the fair sex our trust is - Extreme; so we’ll strive not to do her injustice.) - For some reason unknown, then, she followed her nose - To the camp of King Charles, in which Loridon chose - To wear out his exile, and solace his woes, - By assisting that monarch to conquer his foes. - - It were long to relate - All the evils that Fate - Seemed resolved to pour down on our heroine’s pate; - How, on reaching the camp, - She was told that a scamp - Of a _Do_uanier, at the last town she quitted, - Had, as usual, omitted - To see that her passport was legally _visé’d_; - Although, when she handed his fees to him, he said - It was all right and proper, - And no one would stop her; - Which was false, for it quickly appeared by the law - Of the strong, she was somebody’s prisoner of war; - Next, for fear in her wrath she a breach of the peace - Should commit, or attempt to assault the police, - They disarmed her—laid hands on her watch, chain, and seal - (All the very best gold, and the watch not much thicker - Than a mod’rate sized turnip—no end of a ticker,) - And hurried her off to the then Pentonville - Model Prison, to wait, all forlorn and alone, - And to “carve her name on the Newgate stone,” - Till this terrible somebody’s pleasure was known. - - The unpleasant unknown was one Giles de Laval, - A marshal of France, and a very great “pal” - (Or paladin rather), of King Charles _le Beau_, - (Or “_le Gros_,” or “_le Sot_,” - Which, I really don’t know; - But ’twas one of the three, for there’s no nation showers - Such peculiar nicknames on its “governing powers” - As our trusty ally Monsieur Johnny Crapaud,) - This same Giles de Laval, then, who ruled the French host, - And the roast, and the coast, made the most of his post; - Dealt just as he chose - With his friends and his foes, - And was as autocratic, and nearly as fickle as, - That bugbear of Europe, a certain Czar Nicholas— - This identical Giles, for some reason he had, - Seemed resolved that Yolenta should “go to the bad:” - (He possessed such sharp eyes - They pierced through her disguise - At first sight, to her terror, and shame, and surprise), - So he scolded her well, wouldn’t hear her confessions, - But returned her, to answer for all her transgressions, - To Geraldus, in time for the next quarter sessions. - - Unhappy Yolenta! Geraldus confined her - In a dungeon, deep, damp, and unpleasant; behind her - Was a ring in the wall, and some rusty old chains, - And there lay in one corner a skull void of brains, - And a horrid leg-bone stood upright in another, - Which must once have belonged to “a man and a brother;” - Then a sturdy support, now a most “unreal mockery,” - A relic suggestively placed there to shock her eye, - And bid her prepare for the doom that awaited her,— - For her dinner they brought her, - Dry bread and cold water, - Wretched food, and by no means enlivening drink, - (Whatever hydraulic George Cruikshank may think - To the contrary,) then, lest they’d not aggravated her - By this treatment, enough, the brutes next dissipated her - Last agreeable illusion, a letter was given her, - Signed and sealed by some friendly (?) anonymous scrivener, - Short, not sweet, for the missive consisted of one - Line, “_The Lord Lettelhausen’s no longer a son_,”— - From which pleasant allusion, - She reached the conclusion, - That, by some vicious dodge, which she could not discover, - De Laval had “used up” and expended her lover. - - Unhappy Yolenta! forsaken, heart-broken, - She drew from her bosom a cherished love-token; - A dark curling lock of her Loridon’s hair, - Fix’d her eyes on it, shed o’er it tears of despair, - Then devoured it with kisses, and dropp’d on her knees, - To implore with deep fervour that Heaven would please - Pardon Loridon’s sins, forgive hers, and so let her - Rejoin, and remain with, one whom she loved better - Far than life; then o’ercome by conflicting emotions, - A fainting fit ended her tears and devotions. - - Alas! it is a cruel thing to die, - To leave these hopes and fears, these loves and hates, - For other, though it may be happier, fates; - To go we know not where, we know not why! - - To cease to be the thing that we have been, - To be perchance a higher, but a new, - To leave the few we love, the chosen few, - To quit for ever each familiar scene. - - To be perchance a lower, to be curst, - For God, who’s great and merciful, is just, - And we, alas! what are we, that we must - By right partake the best, escape the worst? - - It _is_ a very bitter thing to die! - To some it is a bitter thing to live! - Patience and faith alone can comfort give, - Patience and faith—the rainbows in the sky. - - -Ye Last Scene of All. - - Gaping and yawning, - Their feather-beds scorning, - All the burghers of Ghent rose betimes in the morning, - For a “shocking event” - Was to take place in Ghent, - And the public delighted in hangings and quarterings, - Mutilations and tortures, and such kind of slaughterings, - Just as much as an Anglican crowd in the present day, - Think attending the “Manning” _finale_ a pleasant day; - So extremely they bustled, - Pushed, jostled, and hustled, - Climbed up lamp-posts, (there were none!) on each rising ground - Stood to view the procession, as slowly it wound - Its way to the cathedral, where, at the high altar - The condemned was “_pro se_” - To appear, or else be - Declared recusant, most contumacious, defaulter, - Et cetera, et cetera, in fact, all the “bosh” - That the law could devise, horrid stuff which wont wash, - And yet seems to last pretty well through all ages, - Keeps solicitors going, and provides their clerks wages. - ’Twas a splendid and beautiful pageant, that same; - First a body of archers and shield-bearers came; - Then some dear little choristers, dressed all in white, - Who each carried a _chandelle bénie_, or “child’s light,” - Which, being blessed by the Pope, it appears to my thick head, - Must, in spite of its wick, have no longer been _wick_ed; - Next came Abbot Geraldus, profusely ornate - With mitre, and crosier, and garments of state; - Then the Herald de Rodon, in great exultation, - Highly pleased with himself, and the whole “situation;” - Then a servitor, bearing - A big candle, flaring - Up like mad, and creating a vast cloud of vapour, - Or smoke, (which affair was a “penitent taper,”) - On a silver “_Lavabo_,” a word which they say, - In middle-age Latin, means simply a tray; - And after this penitent candle there came - Our penitent heroine, looking the same, - And feeling—however, I’ll leave you to guess - How the poor thing would feel in so cruel a mess. - Then came something of which the description we’d best give - Is, like Tennyson’s rhymes, it was “sweetly suggestive”— - A large shield, in the centre whereof was depicted - A hand lately severed,—the artist, addicted - (’Twas De Rodon himself) to pre-Raphaelite rules, - Had made the wrist “_sanglant_” with drops from it “_gules_.” - Then directly behind this agreeable affair - Came the city “Jack Ketch” with his horrid axe bare! - Then more spearmen; and then rushed the crowd out of breath, - With their eagerness all to be in at the death. - - Her eyes dim with despair, - All dishevelled her hair, - And the fair “FORFEIT HAND” with its rounded arm bare, - With brow madly throbbing, and footsteps that falter,— - The wretched Yolenta is led to the altar; - While De Rodon proclaims, - By his titles and names, - That the Lord Lettelhausen, Grand Seigneur, and Knight - Of some half-dozen orders, demands as his right - The forfeited hand of the culprit Yolenta. - Then Geraldus replies, “By the general consent, a - Demand thus in accordance with justice and law - Is granted. Let Lord Lettelhausen now draw - Near the altar, and take, by the Church’s command, - As his right and possession, the FORFEITED HAND!” - - A stalwart arm is round her thrown, - Fondly the forfeit hand is pressed; - No more forsaken and alone, - She sinks upon a manly breast. - - At length the evil days are past— - Her griefs, her trials, all are over, - Long wept, long sought, regained at last, - ’Tis Loridon, her own true lover. - Whose Papa having very obligingly done - The genteel thing, in dying exactly when one - Would have wished him, by that means enabled his son - To step into his shoes, just in time to disk_i_ver a - Mode of enacting the gallant deliverer; - As we’ve tried to rehearse - For your pleasure in verse, - If we’ve happened to fail,—and too clearly you know it,— - Bear in mind that we never set up for a Poet. - - Frank E. S. - - -FOOTNOTES - -[8] The facts (?) of this Legend are taken, by poetical licence, from -“Legends of the Rhine,” by the author of “Highways and Byways.” - -[Illustration: THE FORFEIT HAND.—p. 60.] - - - - -SIR RUPERT THE RED. - - - Sir Rupert the Red was as gallant a knight - As ever did battle for wrong or for right, - As ever resented the slightest slight, - Or broke an antagonist’s head. - Full tall was his stature, full stalwart his frame, - Full red was his hair, his beard was the same, - Mustachios and whiskers—whence his name, - His name of Sir Rupert the Red. - - Sir Rupert he lived in a castle old, - Residence meet for a baron bold: - Thick were its walls, and dark and cold - The swift Rhine ran below them. - Full handy to Rupert the Red was the Rhine: - Rich travellers passing were asked to dine, - And when he’d sufficiently hocussed their wine, - Why—into its waters he’d throw them! - - But stories will spread, howe’er you may try - To stifle Dame Rumour—and so, by-and-bye, - He found himself shunned by all far and nigh; - And when asked to dinner, each neighbour fought shy. - The bell ne’er was rung, and no stranger implored - The porter to run up, and question his lord - If he kindly would grant a night’s shelter and board? - No priest on Sir Rupert’s head called down a benison, - No acquaintance sent presents of black-cock and venison. - While his former bad temper began to grow worse, - He would mutter and fidget—nay, stamp, foam, and curse; - But his feelings I’ll try to describe in the verse - Most used by our Alfred—not Bunn though, but Tennyson. - - Very early in the morning would he, tumbling out of bed, - Mow his chin with wretched razor, mow and hack it till it bled; - Then he’d curse the harmless cutler, heap upon him curses deep— - Curse him in his hour of waking, doubly curse him in his sleep— - Saying, “Mechi! O my Mechi! O my Mechi, mine no more, - Whither’s fled that brilliant sharpness which thy razors had of yore, - Ere thou quittedst Leadenhall-street, quittedst it with many a qualm— - Ere thou soughtest rustic Tiptree, Tiptree and its model farm? - Many a morning, by the mirror, did I pass thee o’er my beard, - And my chin grew smooth beneath thee, of its hairy harvest cleared; - Many an evening have I drawn thee ’cross the throats of wretched Jews, - When they, trembling, showed their purses, stuffed for safety in their - shoes. - But, like mine, thy day is over—thou art blunt and I’m disgraced! - Curses on thy maker’s projects, curses on his ‘magic paste.’” - - Thus he grumbled all day, from morning till night— - No person could please him, no conduct was right— - Till his very retainers grew furious quite, - And determined to quit his service. - For much afflicted was Seneschal Hans; - While the groom from York told the cook from France - “He warn’t going to be led such a precious dance - In a house turned topsy-turvies.” - - Oh, “the castled crag of Drachenfels,” - With its slippery sides and flowery dells, - Is a very romantic sight for “swells” - Who leave the squares of Belgravia, - And during the autumn visit the Rhine, - With courier hirsute and footman fine, - Who are both eternally drinking wine, - Though the last “don’t like the flaviour.” - - But Drachenfels was a different sight - On a dark, tempestuous winter’s night; - Then below it the river was foaming white, - And above it the storm-fiend strode: - On such a night, from his own red room, - Sir Rupert looked out athwart the gloom - To see what might “in the future loom,” - Or be coming up the road. - - He strained his weary eye-balls, but well was he repaid - To see a troop of travellers advancing up the glade. - Flanked round with equerries and guards, a wealthy host they seemed, - And Sir Rupert’s heart grew lighter, and his eye more brightly beamed; - For many a day had passed away since he a prize had won, - And no hand had touched his bell save that of poursuivant or dun. - - “Now haste ye,” he cried, “throw open the gate, - And let the drawbridge fall;” - Then three little pages, with hair combed straight, - Who ever upon Sir Rupert wait, - Ran off to the warden tall. - - The drawbridge falls, and the company cross, - In number say fifty, _i. e._, man and horse. - First comes a gay herald, all silver and blue, - And then men in armour, who ride two and two; - Not such Guys as are seen on the ninth of November, - But your regular middle-age troopers, remember. - By the way, this last rhyme - Appertains to a time - Much thought of in childhood, by schoolboys called “prime,” - When young Hopeful’s small pockets - Are emptied for rockets, - And eyebrows are burnt, and arms torn out of sockets— - When you’re begged (and the tyrants take care you do not) - Ne’er to cease to remember the Gunpowder-plot. - The herald stept forth, and he made a low bow— - If you’ve seen Mr. Payne - At old Drury Lane, - In the opening part of a grand Christmas pantomime, - Do tricks, to describe which my Muse fails for want o’ rhyme— - Please to fancy my herald does just the same now; - And his trumpet he blows, and his throat well he clears, - And he twists his mustachios right up to his ears, - Looks, as usual with speakers, in dreadful distress, - And thus to Sir Rupert begins his address. - - “Sir Rupert the Red, - To you I have sped - From a dame with whose brother you’ve conquered and bled, - Who, benighted by chance in this dismal locality, - Has ventured to ask for a night’s hospitality. - No refusal I fear - When her name you once hear; - Therefore learn that the dame for whom shelter I crave, - Is Margaret, the sister of Blutwurst the Brave!” - - Thus spake the gay herald. Sir Rupert replied, - “’Tis well known that my castle is never denied - To pilgrims of all countries, nations, and hues, - From swaggering English to gold-lending Jews; - How great, then, my joy ’neath my roof to receive - The sister of one - Whom I loved as a son, - For whose tragical end I have ne’er ceased to grieve.” - - Thus much to the herald. Then, turning, he said, - “Off, Wilhelm, at once, let the banquet be spread; - Bring up some Moselles and some red Assmanshausers. - Fritz, lay out my doublet and new Paris trousers, - Tell Gretchen to hasten and clear out the bedroom - The lady will sleep in—let’s see—_not_ the red room. - To put her in there - Is more than I dare; - So where shall she go, in the purple or blue? - Oh, give her the next room to mine, number two— - Tell Eugéne to serve his best sauces and stews, - And take care that, as soon as the cloth is removed, - Old Max, of whose singing I oft have approved, - Comes up with his harp—he will serve to amuse.” - - The banquet is spread— - At his table’s head, - Decked out in gay garments, sits Rupert the Red; - And close on his right - Is the queen of the night, - Fair Marg’ret, whose beauty’s completely a sight - For a father,—aye, even for “Pater-familias,”— - “Who of all slow papas is the veriest silly ass; - Blue are her eyes as the clear vault of heaven, - Pale her smooth brow, though some rose-bud has given - Its loveliest tint to that soft cheek and lip, - Which ’twere worth a king’s ransom once only to sip; - While the net-work of curls in her bonny brown hair - Has entangled a sun-beam and prisoned it there. - And Sir Rupert admired her, and flattered, and laughed, - And his ardour grew warmer the deeper he quaffed; - He touched her fair fingers whene’er he was able, - And in error pressed warmly the leg of the table; - Till Rudolf von Gansen, a merry young spark - (Who was given to hoaxing and “having a lark,” - Addicted to laughing, - And humour called “chaffing,” - And dining, and wine-ing, and e’en half-and-half-ing, - And gambling, and vices called “having your fling”), - Exclaimed to Hans König (in English, Jack King), - “By Jove, Hans, the gov’nor’s hit under the wing!” - - “Now come hither, old Max,” Sir Rupert cried, - “And sing us a merry song, - Or tell us of Siegfried’s blooming bride, - Or the priest who was plunged in the Rhine’s cold tide - For indulging his wishes wrong.” - - The old man sung a sentimental strain, - A song of love, its wishes, hopes, and fears; - And while he sung his colour came again, - His eye blazed brightly as in former years, - When it was quickly kindled by disdain, - Nor dimmed, as often now, by bitter tears. - These very words, with true poetic fire, - He once for glory sung, but now for hire! - - And, while he sings, they vanish from his sight, - The knights, the ladies gay, the very room! - Once more a youth, with eyes and prospects bright, - He sings to her, now mould’ring in the tomb, - Ere Age and Poverty’s overwhelming blight - From Life’s first blushing flowers had robbed the bloom. - Sweet season, long expected, quickly past, - In youth Love’s fire too fiercely burns to last! - - The minstrel’s song was no sooner done, - Than ’twas plain that his lay had extinguished the fun, - And yawning fearfully, one by one, - They vanished knights and ladies. - The lights were put out, not a single “glim” - Shed its ray o’er the walls of that castle grim; - And the banqueting hall was soon as dim - As ’tis said to be in Hades. - - My story thus forward, I now must relate - Some previous details concerning the fate - Of that famous young hero, Sir Blutwurst the Great, - Of whom I’ve just made mention— - And so, to prevent the smallest mystery, - Or the thread of my story from getting a twist awry, - To his death, which took place ere the date of my history, - I must call my readers’ attention. - - Blutwurst and Rupert were two pretty men - As ever were sketched by pencil or pen— - Together they’d hunt, shoot, fish, frolic, and gamble, - In short, to dispense with a longer preamble, - They so loved each other, - That Corsican Brother, - Or Damon, or Pythias, or Siamese twin, - Ne’er cared for his friend, or his kith or his kin, - As did Blutwurst for Rupert: they ne’er knew division, - But were like Box and Cox in a German edition. - Mr. Coleridge says, “Truth, that exists in the young, - Too often is killed by a whispering tongue;” - And this proved the case between Blutwurst and Rupert. - The former, perhaps, in his language was too pert; - For having committed some irregularities, - Which _he_ called “peccadilloes,” but others “barbarities,” - Sir Rupert declined to subscribe to some charities - Which Blutwurst advised as a species of “hedge.” - Then the latter blazed out;—the “thin end of the wedge” - Being thus once inserted, the matter grew serious. - Each spake words of high disdain - And insult to his heart’s best brother— - “Just repeat those words again!” - “You’re a scoundrel!” “You’re another!” - With curses and oaths, to repeat which would weary us, - Till from furious words they proceeded to blows. - Who first drew his rapier nobody knows; - But Hans, the old seneschal, sitting down stairs, - Heard a shriek, then a plunge in the river, he swears; - And going up found Rupert, all haggard and wan, - Who stated that Blutwurst had started for Bonn, - And requested that thither his bag be sent on. - This story gained ground, - Till the body was found - A great distance off—in fact, down at Dusseldorf, - Whence the horrified finder all hurriedly bustled off - To tell Blutwurst’s parents the terrible news. - A coroner’s inquest was held on the body, - Where, after much talking and more Hollands toddy, - Much anger, much squabbling, and dreadful abuse, - They found that, “returning home, muddled with wine, - The deceased had been murdered and flung in the Rhine, - By some persons unknown, with malicious design!” - To Rupert no blame e’er attached in the matter; - Poor Blutwurst was called mad, “as mad as a hatter,” - For drinking so much as to fall from his perch. - And now, if you please, we’ll return to the castle, - Where I think we shall find that, fatigued by the wassail, - With two small exceptions, each master and vassal - May safely be reckoned as “fast as a church.” - Fair Margaret sits at her toilette-glass, - And rests her head on her snow-white hand; - Through her throbbing brain what visions pass, - As over her shoulders there falls a mass - Of curls, ne’er touched by the crimping brand; - She thinks of Sir Rupert’s attentions that night, - And of them, too, she thinks less with pleasure than fright; - For his great leering eyes - Seem before her to rise, - And she looks o’er her shoulder, and shivers and sighs, - For the room is so large, and the pictures so grim, - And the wind howls so loud, and her light burns so dim, - And she sees in the mirror, not herself, but _him_. - Yes! he kneels at her side; - Says he wont be denied; - And calls her “his dear little duck of a bride!” - His utt’rance is thick, his cravat is untied, - And his face is as red as a new Murray’s Guide; - His gait is unsteady, his manner so rude, - It’s plain to perceive that Sir Rupert is “screwed.” - But he touches his heart, and he turns up his eyes, - And by language and gesture most earnestly tries - To convince her that ne’er from his knees will he rise, - Till to wed on the morrow she freely complies. - - If you’ve seen Mrs. Kean - In that excellent scene - Which she with Mr. Wigan so forcibly plays, - In Bourcicault’s comedy, “Love in a Maze,” - When her scorn for her tempter, her love for her spouse, - In language theatrical, “bring down the house,” - You can fancy how Margaret, deeply enraged, - And backed up by the feeling that she was engaged - To Otto Von Rosen, the dearest of men, - Rejected Sir Rupert at once, there and then. - In vain he implored, - Declared himself “floored.” - Wept by turns and entreated, then ranted and roared; - She still was disdainful, - And said “it was painful - To witness the friend of her brother so lowered.” - Till, maddened with fury, he seized her, and said— - “Be mine, or thou’rt numbered this night with the dead. - No maiden has yet refused Rupert the Red!” - - That instant there rang through the castle a shriek— - Compared with which e’en Madame Celeste’s are weak— - The chamber-doors fell with a terrible crash, - And with, under his left arm, a yet gory gash— - Come forth from his grave, - Stood Blutwurst the brave, - Who’d arrived just in time his poor sister to save. - Sir Rupert gazed at him a second or more, - Made one strong exclamation, then sunk on the floor. - - From every side a swarming tide of vassals pour amain, - And, struggling with each other, the fatal room they gain, - And quickly entering, they find fair Margaret in a swoon, - They cut the lace that holds her ⸺, base must be the man who’d own - That such a garment now exists; with water from Cologne - They sprinkle her, and she revives, and sweetly smiles once more, - And points to what appears a heap of ashes on the floor! - - Alas! ’twas so; the gallant knight, the former “man of mark,” - Is fitted now for nought but dust for Stapleton or Darke; - All shrivelled into nothingness, a horrid mass he lay, - His projects vanished into smoke, himself a yard of clay! - - And never from that hour has anything been seen, - Except the ruin pointed out to Robinson or Green, - That e’er pertained to him of all the Rhenish clans the head, - To him, the hero of my song, Sir Rupert called the Red. - - E. H. Y. - -[Illustration: SIR RUPERT THE RED—p. 79.] - - - - -COUNT LOUIS OF TOULOUSE. - - - When Henri Quatre ruled in France there was a gay young knight, - The loudest in the banquet-hall, the foremost in the fight. - No dame, howe’er fatigued, to tread a measure could refuse - When she heard the silver accents of Count Louis of Toulouse. - - But not only to a dance would these gentle tones invite, - But to “measures” of more dangerous kind, confounding wrong with right. - Won over by his sophistry, what conscience could accuse? - But the dread of every husband was Count Louis of Toulouse. - - The man above all others who the direst hate did feel - Was the husband of fair Eleanor, the Marquis de St. Lille; - And he vowed the deepest vengeance when he heard the dreadful news - That his wife had found a lover in Count Louis of Toulouse. - - He called his spies around him, caused her movements to be tracked, - And, listening, heard sufficient to convince him of the fact. - Then he quietly retired, and determined to infuse - Some poison in the claret of Count Louis of Toulouse. - - Next evening, as the Marchioness was waiting in her bower, - The clocks of all the churches round pealed forth the usual hour. - She began to grow impatient, murmur, and at length abuse - The extreme unpunctuality of Louis of Toulouse. - - But when two servants entered, who between them bore a box, - She was half afraid that something else had struck besides the clocks; - And when the men retired, she still thinking it a _ruse_, - Raised up the lid and found the corpse of Louis of Toulouse. - - Without a word, without a shriek, she fell upon the ground, - The maidens hast’ning to her aid, a lifeless body found. - So, young gentlemen, take warning, and ne’er yourselves amuse - By attempting fascinations like Count Louis of Toulouse. - - E. H. Y. - - - - -ANNIE LYLE. - - - Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle, - No longer you smile - At my jokes, which a month since enjoyed such prosperity; - Howe’er I behave, - Your face is quite grave, - And your darling red lips speak unwonted severity. - - Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle, - It may do for a while, - This on-ing and off-ing, repulsing and wooing: - But beware of the hour - When, escaped from your power, - No longer I seek you, beseeching and suing. - - With your glance _espiègle_, - You quickly inveigle - A freshman from Oxford, a youth in the Guards; - But enough of Love’s strife - I have seen in my life - To furnish good subjects for hundreds of bards. - - You take a great pride - To see at your side - A lord, and upon him how sweetly you smile; - Now I set forth no riddle, - I _will_ play “first fiddle,” - So take warning at once, Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle. - - How stately and grand - You parade by the band - Which each Friday in Kensington Gardens entrances! - Dressed in _mousseline-de-laine_, - What transports you feign, - And how skilfully use you your battery of glances! - - Then how pleased are the “swells,” - How jealous the belles, - At least, so your vanity prompts you to reckon; - And ogling and smiling, - Poor victims beguiling, - You whisper and conquer, flirt, flatter, and beckon. - - Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle, - It rouses my bile - To see one so lovely descend to such tricks: - Such flirting’s below you— - To people who know you - All feeling it beats, or what Yankees call “licks.” - - What! tears in those eyes! - Are those genuine sighs? - Then once more I’m your slave—change that sob to a smile; - My lecture is o’er, - I’m your own, as before, - So come to my arms, Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle. - - E. H. Y. - - - - -JACK RASPER’S WAGER; OR, “NE SUTOR ULTRA CREPIDAM.” - - -Introduction. - - If I have dared again to wake the lyre - Of him whose hand shall sweep no more the strings— - That great enchanter, at whose funeral pyre - Laughter and Grief stood each with drooping wings - And head dejected (him, whose “Bridge of Sighs” - And “Number One” drew teardrops from the eyes - Of Mirth and Sadness), I trust you’ll have mercy, - And that, kind Reader, you will not ejaculate - “Oh, ah!” or “Pooh!” - “This never _will_ do!” - “_Je trouve que ces vers soient bien ennuyeux!_” - “Dull, flat, quite a failure!” “Contemptible stuff!” - “What’s the name of the author? I pity the muff!” - And such-like expressions upon my poor versicles, - which even I don’t consider immaculate! - No! like any poor cousin who lives with a rich one - As companion or governess, awful condition! - I think I may say that, “I know my position.” - And since I can’t hope to be first in the race - I must e’en be content to put up with the place - Which Report to the “little boat” says was assigned, - In some nameless aquatics, _i. e._ “far behind.” - - -Ye Storye. - - Mr. and Mrs. Theophilus Browne - Had a house in a newly-built suburb of town, - “Twelve good rooms and an attic.” - Mr. Browne had a share in a City bank, - But when at home “the shop” he sank, - And assuming the airs of a person of rank, - Was quite aristocratic. - - Invitations to dinner he oft obtained, - Showers of cards upon him rained, - For party and picnic pleasant; - Indeed, ’twas his constant pride and boast - That his name once appeared in the “Morning Post,” - (Which he took each day with his tea and toast,) - As “amongst the company present.” - - But as never was rose without a thorn, - So surely was mortal never born - To a life without vexation; - And some bachelor chums of our friend Mr. B. - Had a habit of “dropping in to tea,” - And merely saying, “We’ve made so free,” - Would create quite a consternation. - - For they reeked of tobacco, that dreadful herb, - Which will ever a lady’s nerves disturb, - E’en the mildest of mild Havannah; - And when with their cabman they came to arrange, - They never appeared to have any change - To settle his fare, but in language strange - They borrowed “two bob and a tanner.” - - We need not say that poor Mrs. Browne - Had a hate of these rollicking men about town, - Of which she made no mystery; - But surely her bitterness and spite - Were never wrought up to such a height - As upon the very eventful night - When we commence our history. - - The servants had all retired to rest, - The worthy couple, in _deshabille_ dressed, - Had just finished their nightly refection, - When a thundering double knock at the door, - Caused Mrs. Browne to exclaim, “Oh Lor!” - While her husband added to “what a bore” - An ungodly interjection. - - Then, seizing a light, he ran down stairs, - Growling like one of the grisly bears - In the Gardens Zoological - (That lately were cured with such skill and tact, - Of an overflowing cataract, - Under chloroform, an astonishing fact, - Which a very artful dodge-I-call). - - He opened the door in a furious rage, - Nor did it his passion at all assuage - To see his old friend, Jack Rasper,— - Jack Rasper, the fastest man in town, - Who never would go when he once sat down, - Who mimicked all actors of renown, - And could row with Coombes or Clasper. - - His intimates called him “an out-and-out brick, - A fellow who at nothing would stick, - And a first-rate judge of malt, sir.” - Nay, the ladies themselves, who are clearly the best - To decide on such matters, had often confessed.— - “Mr. Rasper, besides being very well dressed, - Was an excellent _deux-temps_ waltzer.” - - Darting past the unhappy Browne, - At the foot of the stairs he sat himself down, - And laughed like the clown in a pantomime; - Then jumping up, he made a grimace - Might have rivalled e’en Mr. Grimaldi’s face, - To describe the which with sufficient grace - Quite baffles my Muse for want-o’-rhyme. - - “Browne,” he began, “I’m come to sup. - I suppose I may. Walk up, walk up, - And observe the living lions; - The thickly-coated armadillo, - Brought from furrin’ parts beyond the billow - By Don Alphonso de Padrillo, - That ornament of science! - - “But, joking apart, Browne, how’s your wife? - Not annoyed, I hope; to cause any strife - Would give me infinite sorrow.” - Then springing up stairs with a loud “Ha! ha!” - He thrust his head through the door ajar, - And greeted the lady with “Here we are,” - And “How d’ye do to-morrow.” - - Mrs. Browne received him with looks so black - That he felt himself quite taken aback, - And received what he called “a staggerer.” - Indeed, as he told his friends next night, - “He soon saw that fowl would never fight, - So he instantly came the dodge polite, - And entirely dropped the swaggerer!” - - Then changing his tone, “Mrs. Browne, to you - I am sure,” said he, “I ought to sue - In terms most apologetic.” - But not a whit the angry dame - Was soothed, her expression remained the same, - And Jack thought he’d best go, the way he came, - Like a well-bred dog, prophetic. - - He tried again, “If you remember, - We went together, last September, - To see the Hippopotamus, - And how, in the crowd, when you dropped those loves - Of delicate tinted primrose gloves, - As I hunted about with kicks and shoves, - Do you recollect who brought ’em us? - - “Lord Augustus Aype, that _cheválièr preûx_, - Who was evidently struck with you, - For he said, in a whisper audible, - ‘Rasper, who is that splendid creature?’” - Mrs. Browne relaxed in every feature, - For she thought—alas! poor human nature!— - Each act of a Lord was _laud-able_. - - Jack continued, “’Twas only yesterday, - At dinner, I heard his lordship say - He should ne’er forget the circumstance; - He has met you since, at a public ball, - Or at Albert Smith’s—the Egyptian Hall! - You shake your head! what! not at all? - Yes, yes! ’twas at the Kirkham’s dance!” - - Here Browne come frowningly in, but smiled, - When he found his wife seemed nothing riled, - And begged his guest to be seated: - And looking at Mrs. Browne askance, - Received in return a conjugal glance, - Which showed, “_sans doûte_,” as they say in France, - She wished Jack civilly treated. - - So he bustled about, and soon laid out - A cold chicken, some ham, a bottle of stout, - With ale of Bass’s brewing. - And when these were dispatched by the modest youth, - Placed a flask on the board, which, to tell the truth, - Had on it the name of “Sir Felix Booth,” - But which Jack pronounced “blue ruin.” - - Jack plied at the spirit, and soon began - To play so well the agreeable man, - The retailer of jokes and scandal, - That good Mrs. Browne grew quite elate; - And Browne, though he muttered, “It’s rather late,” - Replenished the fire, and swept up the grate, - And trimmed the Palmer’s candle. - - Thus went the talk,—“Poor Lady Flashe - Has eloped with Captain Sabretasche; - They bolted from Baden-Baden, - While Sir Anthony Flashe their flight ne’er checked, - As it on his rheumatics had no effect; - Like the Jews of old, since he’s grown ‘stiffnecked,’ - His heart has begun to harden. - - “But I heard last night from Lord De Vere, - From Boulogne who has just come over here, - The most wonderful adventure; - For his Lordship last season received a ‘call,’— - Not such as those folks who at Exeter Hall - About Popery wrangle, his was all - About railway scrip and debenture. - - “He said, one night that, homeward walking, - There were two men before him, talking, - Whose words caught his instant attention, - For he heard one say, as he drew more near, - ‘I’ll cut his throat from ear to ear - And send his soul to ⸺’ a place which here - I really don’t like to mention. - - “Shocked at these words, though somewhat alarmed, - His Lordship his noble heart soon calmed, - And set his nerves firm as rockstone, - Then followed the men up a street so lone - And dark that,”—here Mrs. Browne gave a groan, - While Browne looked the picture of fright, as shown - So well by Keeley and Buckstone. - - Narrowly eyeing them, Jack continued,— - “The hands of these men so iron-sinewed, - Were red as the cover of ‘Murray,’ - And in these hands they carried sticks - Of the pattern and size with which Mr. Hicks - All at once, single-handed, so easily licks - Ten land-sharks at the Surrey. - - “These horrible ruffians, as more near - They approached, caught sight of Lord De Vere, - And seized him, pale and shrinking, - And as him on the ground they threw - Yelled out⸺ - By Jove! it’s half-past two, - I’ve kept you up till all is blue, - I’ll run away like winkin’.” - - Then, while with open mouth and eyes - The pair sat speechless with surprise, - Jack vanished quick as thought is, - And as the stairs he darted down, - Called out, “My wager, Browne, I’ve won,— - ’Twas that here I’d sup; and you’re fairly done - Of ham, chicken, and aquafortis! - - “My boasted acquaintance with Lord De Vere, - The tale of the street so dark and drear, - Was all improvisatoré! - You would _pardon_ a lord, though a church he should rob, - Yet _hang_ what T. P. Cooke would call ‘a poor swab,’ - And you’re nothing at best but a tuft-hunting snob, - So I’ll ‘leave you alone in your glory.’” - - -Ye Moralle. - - When once you are wed, bid a friendly adieu - To all bachelor chums, or keep just one or two, - And be sure they’re not fast men, but moral and true; - And in order that Rasper-like insults you may shun, - Don’t talk about lords upon every occasion, - But, like clerks at a terminus, _keep in your station_. - - E. H. Y. - -[Illustration: JACK RASPER’S WAGER.—p. 92.] - - - - -THE OVERFLOWINGS OF THE LATE PELLUCID RIVERS, ESQ. - -Edited by Edmund H. Yates. - - -In submitting to the public some of the productions of my lamented friend -Rivers, I think it right to endeavour to sketch some faint outline of -the career of their illustrious author. “The world knows nothing of its -greatest men,” says Philip Van Artevelde, and its general ignorance of -Rivers clearly proves the truth of the remark. - -Born of poor but respectable parents, in the parish of St. Pancras, at an -early age Rivers evinced symptoms of that poetic talent which, in later -life, made him so renowned—I mean, which would have made him so renowned, -had he not been crushed by the wretched blindness and illiberality of -the publishers of the metropolis. He could not have been more than five -years of age when he first burst forth in metrical numbers; it was at the -family dinner-table, when, pointing first to the smoking joint, then to -the domestic implement by which he was conveying a portion of it to his -mouth, he exclaimed— - - “Pork! - Fork!” - -A moment after, indicating the beer jug, his juvenile “poet’s eye, in a -fine frenzy rolling,” he continued, “chalk!” His meaning on this point -was vague, but it is generally considered he implied that the liquid -was not paid for at the time, but was chalked up behind the door to the -family account—a custom prevalent, I have ascertained, in many parts of -the United Kingdom. From that period until his death he was constantly -engaged in writing;—though his name never appeared to any of his -productions, they were most extensively read; indeed, one of his minor -poems— - - “Dearest maid, I thee do love; - This my tender vows shall prove— - Little Cupid’s thrilling dart - Has found refuge in my heart,” - -has been considered so successful, that the publication of it is annually -revived, and the fourteenth of February, sacred to St. Valentine, is the -day usually chosen for its reappearance. - -For the last twenty years of his life, poor Rivers laboured under -severe fits of melancholy and depression, the cause of which he long -held secret. Shortly before his decease, however, he confided to me the -source of his grief. It was, that manuscripts which he had forwarded on -approval to various publishers, had been returned as worthless, while a -few months afterwards the same publishers would send forth books of poems -in which the most direct plagiarisms from my poor friend’s productions -would appear. He made me solemnly pledge myself to see him righted in the -opinion of the world, and hence the publication of these papers. - -I regret exceedingly to be obliged to hold up to public odium names -which have hitherto stood so highly as those of Mr. A—f—d T—ys—n and -his publisher, Mr. M—x—n, but I defy any candid reader to peruse the -following vigorous and striking stanzas of my poor friend’s, and then -turn to that weak and rambling production, “L—cks—y H—ll,” without -perceiving which is the grand original, which the mean and despicable -parody! - - -VAUXHALL. - - Cabman, stop thy jaded knacker; cabman, draw thy slackened rein; - Take this sixpence—do not grumble, swear not at Sir Richard Mayne! - - ’Tis the place, and all around it, as of old, the cadgers bawl— - Sparkling rockets, squibs and crackers, whizzing over gay Vauxhall. - - Gay Vauxhall! that in the summer all the youth of town attracts, - Glittering with its lamps and fireworks, and its flashing cataracts. - - Many a night in yonder gilded temple, ere I went to rest, - Did I look on great Von Joel, mimicking the feathered nest; - - Many a night I saw Hernandez in a tinsel garb arrayed, - With his odorif’rous ringlets tangled in a silver braid; - - Here about the paths I wandered, chaffing, laughing all the time, - Laughing at the piebald clown, or listening to the minstrel’s rhyme; - - When beneath the business-counter linendraper’s men reposed, - When in calm and peaceful slumber, sharp maternal eyes are closed; - - When I dipt into the pewter pot that held the foaming stout, - When I quaffed the burning punch, or wildly sipped the “cold without.” - - In the spring a finer cambric’s wrapped around the lordling’s breast; - In the spring the gent at Redmayne’s gets himself a Moses’ “vest;” - - In the spring we make investment in a white or lilac glove; - In the spring my youthful fancy prompted me to fall in love. - - Then she danced through all the _ballet_, as a fairy blithe and young, - Stood a tiptoe on a flow’ret or from clouds of pasteboard swung— - - And I said, “Miss Julia Belmont, speak, and speak the truth to me, - Wilt thou from this fairy region with a heart congenial flee?” - - On her lovely cheek and forehead came a blushing through her paint, - And she sank upon my bosom in the semblance of a faint; - - Then she turned, her voice was broken (so, if I must tell the truth, - Was her English—all I pardoned in the generous warmth of youth), - - Saying, “Pray excuse my feelings, nothing wrong, indeed, is meant,” - Saying, “Will you be my loveyer?” weeping, “You are quite the gent.” - - Love took up the glass before me, filled it foaming to the brim, - Love changed every comic ballad to a sweet euphonious hymn! - - Many a morning in the railway did we run to Richmond, Kew, - And her hunger cleared my pockets oft of shillings not a few! - - Many an evening down at Greenwich did we eat the pleasant “bait,” - Till I found my earnings going at a rather rapid rate.— - - Oh! Miss Belmont, fickle-hearted! Oh, Miss Belmont, known too late! - Oh, that horrid, horrid Richmond, oh, the cursed, cursed “bait.” - - Falser far than Lola Montes, falser e’en than Alice Gray, - Scorner of a faithful press-man, sharer of a tumbler’s pay!— - - Is it well to wish thee happy? having once loved _me_—to wed - With a fool who gains his living by his heels and not his head! - - As the husband is, the wife is: thou art mated with a clown, - And, pursuing his profession, he will strive to drag thee down. - - He will hold thee, in the winter, when his fooleries begin, - Something better than his wig, a little dearer than his gin. - - What is this? his legs are bending! think’st thou he is weary, faint? - Go to him, it is thy duty; kiss him, how he tastes of paint! - - Am I mad, that I should cherish memories of the by-gone time? - Think of loving one whose husband fools it in a pantomime! - - Never, though my mortal summers should be lengthened to the sum - Granted to the aged Parr, or more illustrious Widdicomb— - - Comfort!—talk to me of comfort!—what is comfort here below? - Lies it in iced drinks in summer, aquascutum coats in snow? - - Think not thou wilt know its meaning, wait of all his vows the proof, - Till the manager is sulky, and the rain pours through the roof: - - See, his life he acts in dreams, while thou art staring in his face, - Listen to his hollow laughter, mark his effort at grimace! - - Thou shalt hear “Hot Codlins” muttered in his vision-haunted sleep, - Thou shalt hear his feigned ecstatics, thou shalt hear his curses deep: - - Let them fall on gay Vauxhall, that scene to me of deepest woe, - But—the waiters are departing, and perhaps I’d better go! - -Such is the noble ballad of Vauxhall! but Rivers was master of all -styles. The following exquisite picture of the joys and sorrows of -modern domestic life presents an example of that happy blending of the -real and the romantic with which the head of Rivers overflowed. The -ballad of “Boreäna” has been kindly communicated by my literary friend -Frank Fairleigh, who knew, loved, and admired Rivers as much as myself. -After pointing out some of the more subtle and mysterious beauties of -this matchless lyric, Fairleigh adds, “and yet after this, A—f—d T—ny—n -had the face to publish that bombastic, trashy ballad of “Oriana,” and -pretend it was original; where does that misguided man expect to go to?” - - -THE BALLAD OF BOREÄNA. - - My brain is wearied with thy prate, - Boreäna, - I sit and curse my hapless fate, - Boreäna, - What time the rain pours down the gutter, - Still your platitudes you utter, - Boreäna, - I unholy wishes mutter, - Boreäna. - - Ere the night-light’s flame was fading, - Boreäna, - While the cats were serenading, - Boreäna, - Sheep were bleating, oxen lowing, - We heard the beasts to Smithfield going, - Boreäna, - You said the butcher’s bill was owing, - Boreäna. - - At Cremorne, we two alone, - Boreäna, - Ere my wisdom teeth were grown, - Boreäna, - While the dancers gaily hopped, - And the brass band never stopped, - Boreäna, - I to thee the question popped, - Boreäna. - - She stood behind the area gate, - Boreäna, - She did it just to aggravate, - Boreäna, - She saw me wink, she heard me swear, - She recognized the scoundrel there, - Boreäna, - She knows a bailiff I can’t bear, - Boreäna. - - The cursed writ he pushed it through, - Boreäna, - The area rails, and gave it you, - Boreäna, - The infernal summons me un-nerved, - He from his duty never swerved, - Boreäna, - On thee, my bride, the writ he served, - Boreäna. - - Oh! narrow-minded County Court, - Boreäna, - ’Tis death to me, to them ’tis sport, - Boreäna, - Oh! stab in my most tender place, - My pocket! oh! the deep disgrace, - Boreäna, - I fell down flat upon my face, - Boreäna. - - They fined me at the next court day, - Boreäna, - Locked up, how can I get away, - Boreäna? - I don’t perceive of hope a ray, - ’Tis a true bill, but, oh! I say, - Boreäna, - How without tin am I to pay, - Boreäna? - - When turns the never-pausing mill, - Boreäna, - I tread, I do not dare stand still, - Boreäna: - At home, of beer thou drink’st thy fill, - I may not come to thee and swill, - Boreäna, - I hear the rolling of the mill, - Boreäna. - - -Chapter II. - -My poor friend had always within him a certain classical fondness -of the ancient style of poetry; none of your vulgar Alcaics and -Sapphics—“These,” he used to remark, “Horace, Tibullus, or any fellow of -that calibre could manage; but the glorious hexameters and pentameters -of Homer, Virgil, and Ovid,—they’re the things, my boy!” His delight in -this species of composition was so great that at school we used to call -him, as a nickname, “Professor Long-and-short-fellow.” It curdles my -blood to think that some obscure person in America, who has latterly been -indulging in dactyllic and spondaic metre, has dared to name himself -partly in imitation of the _sobriquét_ by which we designated our friend. - -Recollecting poor Pellucid’s warm admiration of the hexameter then, I -have made strict search among his papers, on the chance of finding some -classical Latin or Greek poem of his composition, but without success. -At one time a ray of hope darted through me, as I came upon a paper -carefully folded, and docketted, “Notions for a Fight between Hector and -Achilles;” I unfolded it eagerly, but, alas! it was only a fragment, the -words “Arma virumque cano” were legibly inscribed in my friend’s neat -hand, but it was evident that he had either been called away, or that the -Muse had deserted him at the critical moment, as he had left it without -another word. At length I chanced to find the following poem, descriptive -of a picnic at Cliefden and its consequences, in the true classical -verse, but, before submitting it to the world, I must remark that on -the outside cover of the MS. is written, in pencil, and in a hand very -similar to that of Mr. B⸺, the publisher, of F⸺ Street, “Query? Evang’⸺;” -the rest of the word is illegible, and I could never comprehend the -meaning of the comment. - - -PICNIC-ALINE. - - These are the green woods of Cliefden. The glorious oaks and the - chestnuts - All appertain to the Duke, whose residence stands in the distance— - Stands like a toyhouse of childhood, besprinkled all over with windows— - Stands like a pudding at Christmas, a white surface dotted with black - things. - Loud from the neighbouring river, the deep-voiced clamorous bargée - Roars, and in accents opprobrious hollas to have the lock opened. - - These are the green woods of Cliefden. But where are the people who in - them - Laughed like a man when he lists to the breath-catching accents of - Buckstone? - Where are the wondrous white waistcoats, the flimsy baréges and muslins, - Worn by the swells and the ladies who came here on pleasant excursions? - Gone are those light-hearted people, flirtations, perhaps love, even - marriage, - All have had woeful effect since Mrs. Merillian’s picnic; - And of that great merrymaking, some bottles in tinfoil enveloped, - And a glove dropped by Jane Page, are the vestiges only remaining! - - Ye who take pleasure in picnics and doat on excursions aquatic, - Flying the smoke of the city, vexations and troubles of business, - List to a joyous tradition of one which was held once at Cliefden— - List to a tale of cold chicken, champagne, bitter beer, lobster salad! - - Brilliantly burst forth the sun o’er the pleasant meadows of Cliefden, - Bathed in his beautiful light, the daisies and daffydowndillies - Shone like those fanciful gems made by Beverly, at the Lyceum: - Calmly the whole of the morning untrodden, unseen, and unnoticed, - Lay all the valley around; but when from Maidenhead’s steeple - Clashed the four quarters of noon, then come the first batch of the - rev’llers, - Come in a large open boat, broad-bottomed, and decked with tarpaulin, - Which from the sun’s scorching rays formed a needful and pleasant - protection. - Here were seated the belles of the _fête_, Kate and Ellen Merillian, - Fairest of all _demoiselles_ who dwell in Belgravia’s quarters. - With them came Margaret Stewart, their pretty cousin from Scotland, - Marian Vernon, and eke, to give proper tone to the party, - Old Mrs. Blinder, who’s deaf, and so chaperoned most discreetly. - Nor did they lack cavaliers—Jack Wilson, the fast and the funny, - Pride of the Board of Control, delight of his club and his office, - Sat at the stern of the boat, alternately singing and smoking; - There, too, was Captain De Boots, of Her Majesty’s Household Brigade, he - Sat by the side of Miss Vernon, and talked in so earnest a whisper, - That the rest called it “a case,” and begged to have “cake and gloves” - sent them. - Scarce was the party on shore when several ran up to meet them, - Chattering, laughing young girls, and matrons more serious and sober, - Men from the City, resplendent in whiskers and large-patterned trousers— - Men from the West, who relied on their manners much more than their - costume— - Marvellous were the shirt-collars encircling the necks of the young ones, - Seemed it as though they were made of a cross between buckram and - mill-board; - Marvellous, too, was their conduct, a mixture of insult and folly, - Gods! how absurd were their airs, how silly, insane, and precocious. - - Now began frolic and mirth, pleasant pastimes and games in which all - joined, - And where e’en fathers and mothers partook of the fun with their - children, - “Hunting the Slipper,” (“by Jove! what fun can be had at that same, - sir!”) - “How, when, and where!” “Prisoner’s Base!” but not until dinner was - over - Played they at Blindman’s Buff, the climax of riot and revel. - Gathering their dresses close round them, the ladies sat down on the - herbage, - Laughing at every speech, and screaming at popping champagne corks, - While their attentive gallants were constantly hovering near them, - Handing the wings of cold fowls and trembling blancmanges and jellies. - - More can I not write at present. I’ve striven to laugh on this subject, - But ’neath my placid external beats sadly a heart crushed and blighted! - Shall I confess to ye the reason? Know then, that at this said picnic, - Fired by the fumes of champagne and strong deleterious potions, - Placed I my fortune and hand at the feet of Emily Robins! - Know then, that losing my balance I sprawled on the greensward before - her, - And, ere the evening was o’er, got outrageously thrashed by her brother! - -_Note by the Editor._—In transcribing this poem from my friend’s MS., -I feel it my duty to state that his touching description of his love -was not without foundation. The “knock-down blow” he received did not -entirely floor him; he sought to see the lady again, and, on being -repulsed, commenced a very pretty little poem, beginning— - - “When he who adores thee has left but the name - Of his faults and his follies behind.” - -Here he stopped, which, I think, was a pity, as he evidently possessed -the feeling and talents essential to an amatory poet. - -[Illustration: PELLUCID RIVERS.—p. 105.] - - -Chapter III. - -It is a melancholy pleasure to me to wander among these vestiges of the -departed great man; to trace his various thoughts from his earliest -infancy to the time when death robbed the world of what should have been -its brightest ornament, and left to it merely the paste and tinsel, the -gewgaw and tomfoolery of literature. - -Of his father he has left many records. This person, upon whom the honour -of being Pellucid’s progenitor devolved, appears to have been a worthy -undertaker; an unprofitable one, however, for he never _undertook_ -anything well, nor carried it out successfully. Nevertheless, his -failings or shortcomings in life, served but to increase the love his -son bore him, and which is manifested in many poetical scraps, evidently -written in early life, one of which, commencing— - - “My father, my dear father, if a name - Dearer and holier were, it should be thine,” - -is worthy of comparison with anything of Byron’s; it is, however, too -long for extract. To his schooldays also, I find many pleasing allusions -scattered through his manuscripts. In a letter to his sister (which, from -family reasons, I am precluded from publishing) he draws a wonderful -sketch of his pedagogue, whom he describes as being a man severe and -stern to view, but who often relaxed to a joke with his scholars, and was -the best hand at argument in the village, using words of such learned -length and wondrous sound, that the amazed rustics stood gaping at his -knowledge. His “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Islington Free-school,” is -also full of pleasing reminiscences of his younger days. - -Late in life Rivers began to take a great interest in theatrical matters, -and I find among his MSS. the following poem, evidently written shortly -before his decease. One curious fact connected with these verses is, -that as executor of poor Pellucid, I am at present at loggerheads with -one Mr. McAuley, a Scotch gentleman, who, absurdly enough, claims their -authorship:— - - -GUSTAVUS. - -A LAY OF DRURY LANE. - - Great Smithius of Drury Lane, - By cape and truncheon swore - That Bold Gustavus Brookius - Should _perdu_ lie no more. - By staff and cape he swore it, - And named his opening night, - And sent his messengers abroad, - Each with a pile of orders stored, - To summon all they might. - - East and west, and south and north, - The messengers repair; - Some hie them to the Regal Oak, - Some to the Arms of Eyre. - Shame on the false theatrical - Who would refuse to come, - When bold Gustavus Brookius - Enters the “Drama’s Home!” - - The gallery-boys and pittites - Are pouring in amain, - And struggling in a turbid mass, - The theatre doors they gain. - From many a noisome alley, - From many a crowded court, - Great G. V. B.’s supporters - Have hastened to the sport. - - From Kingsland’s leafy quarters, - From Camden’s noble town, - From where Belgravia’s daughters - On humble men look down; - From Islington the merry, - From Kensington the slow, - To meet the great Gustavus - The many-headed go. - - The patrons of the Surrey, - Who e’er in shirt-sleeves sit, - While the refreshing foaming stout - Is handed round the pit, - Yield up their old allegiance, - And join the swelling train, - Crossing the Bridge of Waterloo, - To meet at Drury Lane. - - Ho! fiddlers, scrape your catgut! - Ho! drummers, use your strength! - _HE_ comes, whose name on every wall - Measures six feet in length! - Who, though perchance he cannot - With Shakespeare move your souls, - Will gain your heartiest plaudits - By gifts of soup and coals! - - Come, Phelps, come crouch unto him; - Come, Kean, and do the same; - You, famous by your own good deeds, - You by your father’s name! - Crouch to the great Gustavus, - Who has become the rage, - And proved himself, by feats of alms, - King of the British stage. - - -Chapter IV. - -“_Poeta nascitur non fit_,” is a trite but wise aphorism. Few men have -selected such varied subjects as my friend Rivers, and few have dealt -with their choice so successfully. Unlike your modern writers, who put on -one suit of similes and wear it threadbare (such as Alessandro Smiffini, -for instance, who is never tired of gazing at the moon or dipping in -the sea), Pellucid’s kindly nature immortalises even the most trivial -occurrences of his life. The following extract from his works will show -what I mean. Unblessed with riches, he had incurred a small bill at a -_restaurant_, in the neighbourhood of his lodgings, and one night the -proprietor of the hostelry effected an entrance into his apartment, and -refused to quit until the claim was settled. This circumstance, which -would have discomposed a less happy mind, gave him the idea for a set of -verses, which he named “The Tankard,” and which he calls, “A Domestic -Scene turned into Poetry.” Again, on this manuscript is a pencilled query -(in the same writing to which I have before alluded), “Does he mean Edgar -Poe—try?” I confess this joke is beyond my poor powers of brain. Perhaps -my readers will be able to interpret it, when they read the verses, which -run thus:— - - -THE TANKARD. - - Sitting in my lonely chamber, in this dreary, dark December, - Gazing on the whitening ashes of my fastly-fading fire, - Pond’ring o’er my misspent chances with that grief which time enhances— - Misdirected application, wanting aims and objects higher,— - Aims to which I should aspire. - - As I sat thus wond’ring, thinking, fancy unto fancy linking, - In the half-expiring embers many a scene and form I traced— - Many a by-gone scene of gladness, yielding now but care and sadness,— - Many a form once fondly cherished, now by misery’s hand effaced,— - Forms which Venus’ self had graced. - - Suddenly, my system shocking, at my door there came a knocking, - Loud and furious,—such a rat-tat never had I heard before; - Through the keyhole I stood peeping, heart into my mouth up-leaping, - Till at length, my teeth unclenching, faintly said I, “What a bore!” - Gently, calmly, teeth unclenching, faintly said I, “What a bore!” - Said the echo, “Pay your score!” - - At this solemn warning trembling, some short time I stood dissembling, - Till again the iron knocker beat its summons ’gainst the door, - Then, the oak wide open throwing, stood I on the threshold bowing— - Bows such as, save motley tumbler, mortal never bowed before,— - Bows which even Mr. Flexmore never yet had tried before: - Said the echo, “Pay your score!” - - Grasping then the light, upstanding, looked I round the dreary landing, - Looked at every wall, the ceiling, looked upon the very floor, - Nought I saw there but a Tankard, from the which that night I’d drank - hard,— - Drank as drank our good forefathers in the merry days of yore,— - In the corner stood the Tankard, where it oft had stood before,— - Stood and muttered, “Pay your score!” - - Much I marvelled at this pewter, surely ne’er in past or future - Has been, will be, such a wonder, such a Tankard learned in lore! - Gazing at it more intensely, stared I more and more immensely - When it added, “Come, old boy, you’ve many a promise made before,— - False they were as John O’Connell’s, who would ‘die upon the floor!’ - Now for once—come, pay your score!” - - From my placid temper starting, and upon the Tankard darting, - With one furious hurl I flung it down before the porter’s door; - But as I my oak was locking, heard I then the self-same knocking, - And on looking out I saw the Tankard sitting as before,— - Sitting, squatting in the self-same corner as it sat before,— - Sitting, crying “Pay your score!” - - And the Tankard, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting, - In the very self-same corner where it sat in days of yore: - And its pewter still is shining, and it bears the frothy lining, - Which the night when first I drained its cooling beverage it bore, - But my mouth that frothy lining never, never tasted more, - Since it muttered, “Pay your score!” - -I have concluded my extracts; the remaining poems are principally of a -private and personal nature, which renders them unfitted for publication. - -After a perusal of his verses there will, I trust, be very few persons -who will not at once appreciate the powers of my lamented friend, and -grieve over the illiberal treatment he experienced. Should I find that -tardy justice is done to his productions, and that they meet with that -posthumous popularity which is undoubtedly their due, the effort which I -have made to bring him into notice, and to shake the _dii majores_ of the -literary world on their unstable thrones, will not have been unrewarded. - - Edmund H. Yates. - - LONDON: - SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET - COVENT GARDEN. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIRTH AND METRE *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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Smedley and Edmund H. Yates. - </title> - - <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover" /> - - <style> /* <![CDATA[ */ - -a { - text-decoration: none; -} - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - -h1,h2,h3,h4 { - text-align: center; - clear: both; -} - -h2.nobreak { - page-break-before: avoid; -} - -hr.chap { - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - clear: both; - width: 65%; - margin-left: 17.5%; - margin-right: 17.5%; -} - -img.w100 { - width: 100%; -} - -div.chapter { - page-break-before: always; -} - -p { - margin-top: 0.5em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: 0.5em; - text-indent: 1em; -} - -table { - margin: 1em auto 1em auto; - max-width: 30em; - border-collapse: collapse; -} - -td { - padding: 0.25em 0.25em 0.25em 2.25em; - vertical-align: top; - text-indent: -2em; - text-align: justify; -} - -.tdpg { - vertical-align: bottom; - text-align: right; -} - -.box { - margin: auto; - max-width: 20em; - font-size: 120%; - border: 2px solid black; -} - -.caption { - text-align: center; - margin-bottom: 1em; - font-size: 90%; - text-indent: 0em; -} - -.center { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; -} - -.figcenter { - margin: 1em auto; - text-align: center; -} - -.footnotes { - margin-top: 1em; - border: dashed 1px; -} - -.footnote { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; - font-size: 0.9em; -} - -.footnote .label { - position: absolute; - right: 84%; - text-align: right; -} - -.fnanchor { - vertical-align: super; - font-size: .8em; - text-decoration: none; -} - -.gothic { - font-family: 'Old English Text MT', 'Old English', serif; -} - -.larger { - font-size: 150%; -} - -.noindent { - text-indent: 0em; -} - -.pagenum { - position: absolute; - right: 4%; - font-size: smaller; - text-align: right; - font-style: normal; -} - -.poetry-container { - text-align: center; -} - -.poetry { - display: inline-block; - text-align: left; -} - -.poetry .stanza { - margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em; -} - -.poetry .verse { - padding-left: 3em; -} - -.poetry .indent0 { - text-indent: -3em; -} - -.poetry .indent1 { - text-indent: -2.5em; -} - -.poetry .indent2 { - text-indent: -2em; -} - -.poetry .indent4 { - text-indent: -1em; -} - -.poetry .indent6 { - text-indent: 0em; -} - -.poetry .indent8 { - text-indent: 1em; -} - -.poetry .indent10 { - text-indent: 2em; -} - -.poetry .indent12 { - text-indent: 3em; -} - -.poetry .indent14 { - text-indent: 4em; -} - -.poetry .indent16 { - text-indent: 5em; -} - -.poetry .indent18 { - text-indent: 6em; -} - -.poetry .indent26 { - text-indent: 10em; -} - -.right { - text-align: right; -} - -.smaller { - font-size: 80%; -} - -.smcap { - font-variant: small-caps; - font-style: normal; -} - -.allsmcap { - font-variant: small-caps; - font-style: normal; - text-transform: lowercase; -} - -.titlepage { - text-align: center; - margin-top: 3em; - text-indent: 0em; -} - -.x-ebookmaker img { - max-width: 100%; - width: auto; - height: auto; -} - -.x-ebookmaker .poetry { - display: block; - margin-left: 1.5em; -} -.illowp100 {width: 100%;} -.illowp48 {width: 48%;} -.x-ebookmaker .illowp48 {width: 100%;} - - /* ]]> */ </style> - </head> -<body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mirth and metre, by Frank E. Smedley</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Mirth and metre</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Authors: Frank E. Smedley</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em;'>Edmund H. Yates</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Illustrator: M'Connell</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: October 18, 2022 [eBook #69177]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Mark C. Orton and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIRTH AND METRE ***</div> - -<p class="titlepage larger">MIRTH AND METRE.</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter illowp48" id="illus1" style="max-width: 28.125em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus1.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">MAUDE ALLINGHAME.</span>—<a href="#Page_19">p. 19</a>.</p> - <p class="caption"><i>Front.</i></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter illowp48" id="illus2" style="max-width: 28.125em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus2.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">MIRTH AND METRE</span>—<a href="#Page_80">p. 80.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<p class="center">LONDON AND NEW YORK:<br /> -GEORGE ROUTLEDGE & CO.<br /> -1855.</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<p class="titlepage larger">MIRTH AND METRE.</p> - -<p class="titlepage"><span class="smaller">BY</span><br /> -TWO MERRY MEN.</p> - -<p class="titlepage"><span class="gothic">Frank E. Smedley</span>,<br /> -<span class="smaller">AND</span><br /> -<span class="gothic">Edmund H. Yates</span>.</p> - -<p class="titlepage smaller">“I’D RATHER HAVE A FOOL TO MAKE ME MERRY, THAN EXPERIENCE<br /> -TO MAKE ME SAD.”—SHAKSPEARE.</p> - -<p class="titlepage"><span class="gothic">With Illustrations by M’Connell.</span></p> - -<p class="titlepage">LONDON:<br /> -GEO. ROUTLEDGE & CO., FARRINGDON STREET.<br /> -<span class="smaller">NEW YORK: 18, BEEKMAN STREET.</span><br /> -1855.</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="PREFACE">PREFACE.</h2> - -</div> - -<p>If any one of those mysterious autocrats who “do” the reviews -“on” some newspaper or serial shall, in his condescension, deign -to inform public opinion what he may think about <span class="smcap">Mirth and -Metre</span>, that autocrat, unless he be in an unhoped-for state -of benignity, will, doubtless, commence with the agreeable remark -that “the work before us consists of certain Lays and Legends, -written in paltry imitation of the productions of the <i>in</i>imitable -Thomas Ingoldsby.”</p> - -<p>Admitting the imputation without cavil, (except at the word -“paltry,” which <i>really</i> is too bad, don’t you think so, dear reader?) -the authors would inquire whether such an admission legitimately -exposes them to hostile criticism? When the late Mr. Barham -produced the “Ingoldsby Legends,” he, as it were, founded a new -school of comic versification. That this is not a mere <i>ipse dixit</i> -of our own is evinced by the fact that, in common parlance, a -man who adopts this style of composition is said to have written -an “Ingoldsby,” as he might be said to have written an Epic, had -he chosen that form instead.</p> - -<p>To assert that only a very small shred of Mr. Barham’s mantle -has fallen upon any of his imitators (a fact to which none will more -readily assent than the present writers), is simply to state that -the standard we have proposed to ourselves is a high one, and -proportionately difficult to attain.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“<i>Vixere fortes ante Agamemnona</i>”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">is a fact which does not appear to have checked the energies or -paralysed the ambition of the “king of men;” nor was Waterloo -the less a great victory because Julius Cæsar had a few centuries -before successfully invaded Gaul.</p> - -<p>To our thinking, however, the common sense of the matter -lies (after the usual fashion of that inestimable quality) in a nutshell. -A servile copy of any particular style—a hash of old ideas, -or want of ideas, served up after the manner of some popular -writer—is a bad thing, against which all true lovers of literature -are bound to raise their voices whenever they meet with it; but -if a young author, imbued with admiration of, and respect for, -some man of genius who has lived before him, sees fit to embody -his own thoughts and feelings in a form which experience has -approved, rather than confuse himself and his readers, in his -frantic strivings after originality, by torturing words out of their -natural meaning, and marshalling them in a metre against which -the ear rebels, we conceive no just canon of criticism can forbid -his doing so. To which of these categories the Lays and -Legends in this Volume are to be assigned, we leave it to our -readers to determine.</p> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. Smedley.</span><br /> -<span class="gothic">Edmund H. Yates.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak">CONTENTS.</h2> - -</div> - -<table> - <tr> - <td></td> - <td class="tdpg smaller">PAGE</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>MAUDE ALLINGHAME; A LEGEND OF HERTFORDSHIRE. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#MAUDE_ALLINGHAME">1</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>“YE RIGHT ANCIENT BALLAD OF YE COMBAT OF KING TIDRICH WITH YE DRAGON.” BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#YE_RIGHT_ANCIENT_BALLAD">23</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>ST. MICHAEL’S EVE. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#ST_MICHAELS_EVE">31</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>THE KING OF THE CATS; A RHINE LEGEND. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_KING_OF_THE_CATS">38</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>THE LAPWING. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_LAPWING">43</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>THE ENCHANTED NET. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_ENCHANTED_NET">45</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>A FYTTE OF THE BLUES. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#A_FYTTE_OF_THE_BLUES">53</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>THE FORFEIT HAND; A LEGEND OF BRABANT. BY FRANK E. SMEDLEY</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_FORFEIT_HAND">55</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>SIR RUPERT THE RED. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#SIR_RUPERT_THE_RED">71</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>COUNT LOUIS OF TOULOUSE. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#COUNT_LOUIS_OF_TOULOUSE">82</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>ANNIE LYLE. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#ANNIE_LYLE">84</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>JACK RASPER’S WAGER; OR, “NE SUTOR ULTRA CREPIDAM.” BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#JACK_RASPERS_WAGER">86</a></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>THE OVERFLOWINGS OF THE LATE PELLUCID RIVERS, ESQ. BY EDMUND H. YATES</td> - <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_OVERFLOWINGS">94</a></td> - </tr> -</table> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_1"></a>[1]</span></p> - -<h1>MIRTH AND METRE.</h1> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="MAUDE_ALLINGHAME">MAUDE ALLINGHAME;<br /> -<span class="smaller">A LEGEND OF HERTFORDSHIRE.<a id="FNanchor_1" href="#Footnote_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a></span></h2> - -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Part the First.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">There is weeping and wailing in Allinghame Hall,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From many an eye does the tear-drop fall,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Swollen with sorrow is many a lip,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a nose is red at the tip;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All the shutters are shut very tight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To keep out the wind and to keep out the light;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">While a couple of mutes,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">With very black suits,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And extremely long faces,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Have taken their places</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With an air of professional <i>esprit de corps</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">One on each side of the great hall door.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On the gravel beyond, in a wonderful state</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_2"></a>[2]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Of black velvet and feathers, a grand hearse, and eight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Magnificent horses, the orders await</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Of a spruce undertaker,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Who’s come from Long Acre,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To furnish a coffin, and do the polite</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To the corpse of Sir Reginald Allinghame, Knight.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The lamented deceased whose funeral arrangement</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I’ve just been describing, resembled that strange gent</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who ventured to falsely imprison a great man,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Viz. the Ottoman captor of noble Lord Bateman;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For we’re told in that ballad, which makes our eyes water,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That this terrible Turk had got one only daughter;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And although our good knight had twice seen twins arrive, a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Young lady named Maude was the only survivor.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">So there being no entail</div> - <div class="verse indent8">On some horrid heir-male,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And no far-away cousin or distant relation</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To lay claim to the lands and commence litigation,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis well known through the county, by each one and all,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That fair Maude is the heiress of Allinghame Hall.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent8">Yes! she was very fair to view;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Mark well that forehead’s ivory hue,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">That speaking eye, whose glance of pride</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The silken lashes scarce can hide,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">E’en when, as now, its wonted fire</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Is paled with weeping o’er her sire;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Those scornful lips that part to show</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The pearl-like teeth in even row,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">That dimpled chin, so round and fair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The clusters of her raven hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Whose glossy curls their shadow throw</div> - <div class="verse indent8">O’er her smooth brow and neck of snow;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_3"></a>[3]</span> - <div class="verse indent8">The faultless hand, the ankle small,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The figure more than woman tall,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And yet so graceful, sculptor’s art</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Such symmetry could ne’er impart.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Observe her well, and then confess</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The power of female loveliness,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And say, “Except a touch of vice</div> - <div class="verse indent12">One may descry</div> - <div class="verse indent12">About the eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Rousing a Caudle-ish recollection,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Which might perchance upon reflection</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Turn out a serious objection,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">That gal would make “a heavenly splice.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">From far and wide</div> - <div class="verse indent12">On every side</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The county did many a suitor ride,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Who, wishing to marry, determined to call</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And propose for the heiress of Allinghame Hall.</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Knights who’d gathered great fame in</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Stabbing, cutting, and maiming</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The French and their families</div> - <div class="verse indent6">At Blenheim and Ramilies,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">In promiscuous manslaughter</div> - <div class="verse indent6">T’other side of the water,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Very eagerly sought her;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Yet, though presents they brought her,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And fain would have taught her</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To fancy they loved her, not one of them caught her.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Maude received them all civilly, asked them to dine,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gave them capital venison, and excellent wine,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But declared, when they popp’d, that she’d really no notion</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They’d had serious intentions—she owned their devotion</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was excessively flattering—quite touching—in fact</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She was grieved at the part duty forced her to act;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_4"></a>[4]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Still her recent bereavement—her excellent father—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Here she took out her handkerchief) yes, she had rather—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Rather not (here she sobbed) say a thing so unpleasant,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But she’d made up her mind not to marry at present.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Might she venture to hope that she still should retain</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Their friendship?—to lose that would cause her <i>such</i> pain.</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Would they like to take supper?—she feared etiquette,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A thing not to be set</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At defiance by one in her sad situation,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Having no “Maiden Aunt,” or old moral relation</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Of orthodox station,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Whose high reputation,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And prim notoriety,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Should inspire society</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With a very deep sense of the strictest propriety;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Such a relative wanting, she feared, so she said,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Etiquette must prevent her from offering a bed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the night was so fine—just the thing for a ride—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Must they go? Well, good-bye,—and here once more she sighed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then a last parting smile on the suitor she threw,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And thus, having “let him down easy,” withdrew,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the lover rode home with an indistinct notion</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That somehow he’d not taken much by his motion.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Young Lord Dandelion,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">An illustrious scion,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A green sprig of nobility,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Whose excessive gentility</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I fain would describe if I had but ability,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This amiable lordling, being much in the state</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I’ve described, <i>i. e.</i> going home at night rather late,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Having got his <i>congé</i></div> - <div class="verse indent12">(As a Frenchman would say)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the heiress, with whom he’d been anxious to mate,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_5"></a>[5]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Is jogging along, in a low state of mind,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When a horseman comes rapidly up from behind,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And a voice in his ear</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Shouts in tones round and clear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Ho, there! stand and deliver! your money or life!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While some murderous weapon, a pistol or knife,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Held close to his head,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">As these words are being said,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Glitters cold in the moonlight, and fills him with dread.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Now I think you will own,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">That when riding alone</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On the back of a horse, be it black, white, or roan,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Or chestnut, or bay,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Or piebald, or grey,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or dun-brown (though a notion my memory crosses</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That ’tis asses are usually done brown, not horses),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When on horseback, I say, in the dead of the night,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Nearly dark, if not quite,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">In despite of the light</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Of the moon shining bright-</div> - <div class="verse indent0">ish—yes, not more than -ish, for the planet’s cold rays I</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’ve been told on this night were unusually hazy—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">With no one in sight,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To the left or the right,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Save a well-mounted highwayman fully intent</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On obtaining your money, as Dan did his rent,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By bullying, an odd sort of annual pleasantry</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That “Repaler” played off on the finest of peasantry;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In so awkward a fix I should certainly say,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">By far the best way</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is to take matters easy, and quietly pay;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The alternative being that the robber may treat us</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To a couple of bullets by way of <i>quietus</i>;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_6"></a>[6]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus applying our brains, if perchance we have got any,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In this summary mode to the study of botany,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By besprinkling the leaves, and the grass, and the flowers,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With the source of our best intellectual powers,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, regardless of <i>habeas corpus</i>, creating</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A feast for the worms, which are greedily waiting</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Till such time as any gent</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Quits this frail tenement,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And adopting a shroud as his sole outer garment,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Becomes food for worms, slugs, and all such-like varmint.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">My Lord Dandelion,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">That illustrious scion,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Not possessing the pluck of the bold hero Brian,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Of whom Irishmen rave till one murmurs “how true</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is the brute’s patronymic of Brian <i>Bore you</i>”),</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Neither feeling inclined,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Nor having a mind</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To be shot by a highwayman, merely said “Eh?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Aw—extwemely unpleasant—aw—take it, sir, pway;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And without further parley his money resigned.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent14">Away! away!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">With a joyous neigh,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bounds the highwayman’s steed, like a colt at play;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a merry laugh rings loud and clear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On the terrified drum of his trembling ear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the following words doth his lordship hear:—</div> - <div class="verse indent6">“Unlucky, my lord; unlucky, I know,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">For the money to go</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And the heiress say ‘No,’</div> - <div class="verse indent2">On the self-same day, is a terrible blow.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">When next you visit her, good my lord,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Give <span class="smcap">the highwayman’s</span> love to fair Mistress Maude!”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_7"></a>[7]</span> - <div class="verse indent14">Away! away!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">On his gallant grey</div> - <div class="verse indent14">My Lord Dandelion,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">That unfortunate scion,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Gallops as best he may;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And as he rides he mutters low,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">“Insolent fellar, how did <i>he</i> know?”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">In the stable department of Allinghame Hall</div> - <div class="verse indent12">There’s the devil to pay,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">As a body may say,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And no assets forthcoming to answer the call;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">For the head groom, Roger,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A knowing old codger,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">In a thundering rage,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Which nought can assuage,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Most excessively cross is</div> - <div class="verse indent12">With the whole stud of horses,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">While he viciously swears</div> - <div class="verse indent12">At the fillies and mares;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He bullies the helpers, he kicks all the boys,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Upsets innocent pails with superfluous noise;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Very loudly doth fret and incessantly fume,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And behaves, in a word,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">In a way most absurd,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">More befitting a madman, by far, than a groom,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Till at length he finds vent</div> - <div class="verse indent12">For his deep discontent</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the following soliloquy:—“I’m blest if this is</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To be stood any longer; I’ll go and tell Missis;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If she don’t know some dodge as’ll stop this here rig,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Vy then, dash my vig,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">This here werry morning</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I jest gives her warning,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_8"></a>[8]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">If I don’t I’m a Dutchman, or summut as worse is.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, after a short obligato of curses,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Just to let off the steam, Roger dons his best clothes,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And seeks his young mistress his griefs to disclose.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">“Please your Ladyship’s Honour,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I’ve come here upon a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Purtiklar rum business going on in the stable,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Vich, avake as I am, I ain’t no how been able</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To get at the truth on:—the last thing each night</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I goes round all the ’orses to see as they’re right,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And they alvays <i>is</i> right too, as far as I see,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Cool, k’viet, and clean, just as ’orses should be,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, furst thing ev’ry morning agen I goes round,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To see as the cattle is all safe and sound.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas nigh three veeks ago, or perhaps rather more,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ven vun morning, as usual, I unlocks the door,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Tho’ I ought to ha’ mentioned I alvays does lock it,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And buttons the key in my right breeches pocket)—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I opens the door, Marm, and there vas Brown Bess,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Your ladyship’s mare, in a horribul mess;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Reg’lar kivered all over vith sveat, foam, and lather,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Laying down in her stall—sich a sight for a father!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Vhile a saddle and bridle, as hung there kvite clean</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Over night, was all mud and not fit to be seen;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, to dock a long tale, since that day thrice a-week,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or four times, perhaps, more or less, so to speak,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I’ve diskivered that thare,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Identical mare,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or else the black Barb, vich, perhaps you’ll remember</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Vas brought here from over the seas last September,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the state I describes, as if fairies or vitches</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had rode ’em all night over hedges and ditches;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If this here’s to go on (and I’m sure I don’t know</div> - <div class="verse indent0">How to stop it), I tells you at vunce, I must go;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_9"></a>[9]</span> - <div class="verse indent12">Yes, although I’ve lived here</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A good twenty-five year,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I am sorry to say (for I knows what your loss is)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You must get some vun else to look arter your ’orses.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Roger’s wonderful tale</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Seemed of little avail,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For Maude neither fainted, nor screamed, nor turned pale,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But she signed with her finger to bid him draw near;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And cried, “Roger, come here,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I’ve a word for your ear;”</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Then she whispered so low</div> - <div class="verse indent12">That I really don’t know</div> - <div class="verse indent0">What it was that she said, but it seemed <i>apropos</i></div> - <div class="verse indent12">And germane to the matter;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">For though Roger stared at her,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">With mouth wide asunder,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Extended by wonder,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere she ended, his rage appeared wholly brought under,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Insomuch that the groom,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">When he quitted the room,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Louted low, and exclaimed, with a grin of delight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Your Ladyship’s Honour’s a gentleman quite!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis reported, that night, at the sign of “The Goat,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Roger the groom changed a £20 note.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Part the Second.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">There’s a stir and confusion in Redburn town,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And all the way up and all the way down</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The principal street,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">When the neighbours meet,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They do nothing but chafe, and grumble, and frown,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And sputter and mutter,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And sentences utter,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_10"></a>[10]</span> - <div class="verse indent8">Such as these—“Have you heard,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The thing that’s occurred?</div> - <div class="verse indent10">His worship the Mayor?</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Shocking affair!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Much too bad, I declare!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Fifty pounds, I’ve been told!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And as much more in gold.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Well, the villain is bold!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Two horse pistols!—No more?</div> - <div class="verse indent10">I thought they said four.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And so close to the town!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">I say, Gaffer Brown,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Do tell us about it.”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“Thus the matter fell out—it</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was only last night that his worship the Mayor,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Master Zachary Blair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Having been at St. Alban’s and sold in the fair</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Some fifteen head of cattle, a horse and a mare,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Jogging home on his nag</div> - <div class="verse indent10">With the cash in a bag,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was met by a highwayman armed to the teeth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With a belt full of pistols and sword in its sheath,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A murderous villain, six feet high,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">With spur on heel and boot on thigh,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And a great black beard and a wicked eye;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he said to his Worship, ‘My fat little friend,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">I will thank you to lend</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Me that nice bag of gold, which no doubt you intend</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Before long to expend</div> - <div class="verse indent10">In some awfully slow way,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Or possibly low way,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which I should not approve. Come, old fellow, be quick!’</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And then Master Blair heard an ominous click,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Betokening the cocking</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Of a pistol, a shocking</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_11"></a>[11]</span> - <div class="verse indent8">Sound, which caused him to quake,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And shiver and shake,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the crown of his head to the sole of his stocking.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">So yielding himself with a touching submission</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To what he considered a vile imposition,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He handed the bag with the tin to the highwayman,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">who took it, and saying, in rather a dry way,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">‘Many thanks, gallant sir,’ galloped off down a bye way.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The town council has met, and his worship the Mayor,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Master Zachary Blair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Having taken the chair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And sat in it too, which was nothing but fair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Did at once, then and there,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Relate and declare,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">With a dignified air,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And a presence most rare,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The tale we’ve just heard, which made all men to stare,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And indignantly swear,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">It was too bad to bear.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then after they’d fully discussed the affair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To find out the best method of setting things square,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They agreed one and all the next night to repair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Upon horseback, or mare,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">To the highwayman’s lair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, if he appeared, hunt him down like a hare.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Over No-Man’s-Land<a id="FNanchor_2" href="#Footnote_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> the moon shines bright,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the furze and the fern in its liquid light</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Glitter and gleam of a silvery white;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_12"></a>[12]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">The lengthened track which the cart-wheels make,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Winds o’er the heath like a mighty snake,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And silence o’er that lonely wold</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Doth undisputed empire hold,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Save where the night-breeze fitfully</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mourns like some troubled spirit’s cry;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At the cross roads the old sign-post</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shows dimly forth, like sheeted ghost,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As with weird arm, extended still,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It points the road to Leamsford Mill;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">In fact it is not</div> - <div class="verse indent10">At all a sweet spot,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A nice situation,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Or charming location;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The late Robins himself, in despite his vocation,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Would have deemed this a station</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Unworthy laudation,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And have probably termed it “a blot on the nation.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">In a lane hard by,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Where the hedge-rows high,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Veil with their leafy boughs the sky,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Biding their time, sits his worship the Mayor,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Master Zachary Blair,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And my Lord Dandelion,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">That illustrious scion,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And Oxley the butcher, and Doughy the baker,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And Chisel the joiner and cabinet-maker,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And good farmer Dacre,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Who holds many an acre,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And, <i>insuper omnes</i>, bold Jonathan Blaker,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The famous thief-taker,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who’s been sent for from town as being more wide awaker,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">(Excuse that comparative, sure ’tis no crime</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To sacrifice grammar to such a nice rhyme,)</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_13"></a>[13]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And up to the dodges of fellows who take a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Delight in being born in “stone jugs,” and then fake a-</div> - <div class="verse indent0">way all their lives long in a manner would make a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Live Archbishop to swear, let alone any Quaker,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Wet or dry, you can name, or a Jumper or Shaker;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, to add to this list, Hobbs was there, so was Dobbs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With several others, all more or less snobs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Low partys, quite willing to peril their nobs</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In highwayman catching, and such-like odd jobs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To obtain a few shillings, which they would term bobs.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">’Tisn’t pleasant to wait</div> - <div class="verse indent10">In a fidgety state</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Of mind, at an hour we deem very late,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">When our fancies have fled</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Home to supper and bed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And we feel we are catching a cold in the head;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(By the way, if this ailment should ever make you ill,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Drop some neat sal-volatile into your gruel,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">You’ll be all right next day,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And will probably say,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This, by way of receipt, is a regular jewel;)</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To wait, I repeat,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">For a robber or cheat,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On a spot he’s supposed to select for his beat,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When said robber wont come’s the reverse of a treat.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">So thought the butcher, and so thought the baker,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And so thought the joiner and cabinet-maker,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And so thought all the rest except Jonathan Blaker;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To him catching a thief in the dead of the night</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Presented a source of unfailing delight;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And now as he sat</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Peering under his hat,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He looked much like a terrier watching a rat.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_14"></a>[14]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">Hark! he hears a muffled sound;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He slips from the saddle, his ear’s to the ground.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Louder and clearer,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Nearer and nearer,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">’Tis a horse’s tramp on the soft green sward!</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He is mounted again: “Now, good my Lord,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Now, master Mayor, mark well, if you can,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">A rider approaches, is this your man?”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">Ay, mark that coal-black barb that skims,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">With flowing mane and graceful limbs,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">As lightly onward o’er the lea</div> - <div class="verse indent4">As greyhound from the leash set free;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Observe the rider’s flashing eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His gallant front and bearing high;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His slender form, which scarce appears</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Fitted to manhood’s riper years;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The easy grace with which at need</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He checks or urges on his steed;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Can this be one whose fame is spread</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For deeds of rapine and of dread?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">My Lord Dandelion</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Placed his spy-glass his eye on,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stared hard at the rider, and then exclaimed, “Well—ar—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis weally <i>so</i> dark! but I think ’tis the fellar.”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">While his worship the Mayor</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Whispered, “O, look ye there!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That purse in his girdle, d’ye see it?—I twigged it;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis my purse as was prigged, and the willin what prigged it!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Hurrah! hurrah!</div> - <div class="verse indent8">He’s off and away,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Follow who can, follow who may.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_15"></a>[15]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">There’s hunting and chasing</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And going the pace in</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Despite of the light, which is not good for racing.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Hold hard! hold hard! there’s somebody spilt,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And entirely kilt!”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“Well, never mind,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Leave him behind,”—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The pace is a great deal too good to be kind.</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Follow, follow,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">O’er hill and hollow,—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Faster, faster,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Another disaster!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His worship the Mayor has got stuck in a bog.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And there let us leave him to spur and to flog,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He’ll know better the next time,—a stupid old dog!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">“Where’s Hobbs?”</div> - <div class="verse indent12">“I don’t know.”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“And Dobbs and the snobs?”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“All used-up long ago.”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“My nag’s almost blown!”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">“And mine’s got a stone</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In his shoe—I’m afraid it’s no go. Why, I say!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That rascally highwayman’s getting away!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">’Tis true. Swift as the trackless wind,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The gallant barb leaves all behind;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Hackney and hunter still in vain</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Exert each nerve, each sinew strain;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And all in vain that motley-crew</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Of horsemen still the chase pursue.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Two by two, and one by one,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">They lag behind—’tis nearly done,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">That desperate game, that eager strife,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">That fearful race for death or life.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_16"></a>[16]</span> - <div class="verse indent4">Those dark trees gained that skirt the moor,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">All danger of pursuit is o’er;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Screened by their shade from every eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Escape becomes a certainty.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Haste! for with stern, relentless will</div> - <div class="verse indent4"><span class="smcap">One rider’s on thy traces still!</span></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">’Tis bold Jonathan Blaker who sticks to his prey</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In this somewhat unfeeling, though business-like way.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">But even he, too, is beginning to find</div> - <div class="verse indent4">That the pace is so good he’ll be soon left behind.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He presses his horse on with hand and with heel,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He rams in the persuaders too hard a great deal;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">’Tis but labour in vain,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Though he starts from the pain,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Nought can give that stout roadster his wind back again.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Now Jonathan Blaker had formerly been</div> - <div class="verse indent4">A soldier, and fought for his country and queen,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Over seas, the Low Countries to wit, and while there, in</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Despite of good teaching,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And praying and preaching,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Had acquired a shocking bad habit of swearing;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Thus, whenever, as now,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">The red spot on his brow</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Proved him “wrathy and riled,”</div> - <div class="verse indent12">He would not draw it mild,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">But would, sans apology, let out on such</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Occasions a torrent of very low Dutch.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">One can scarce feel surprise, then, considering the urgency</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the case, that he cried in the present emergency,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“<i>Ach donner und blitzen</i>” (a taste of his lingo),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“He’ll escape, by—” (I don’t know the German for “jingo”).</div> - <div class="verse indent12">“<i>Tausend teufel! sturmwetter!</i></div> - <div class="verse indent12">To think I should let a</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_17"></a>[17]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Scamp like that get away; don’t I wish now that I’d ha’</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Drove a brace of lead pills through the horse or the rider;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pr’aps there’s time for it still—<i>Mein auge</i> (my eye),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis the only chance left, so here goes for a try.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Oh, faster spur thy flagging steed,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Still faster,—fearful is thy need.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Oh, heed not now his failing breath,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Life lies before, behind thee death!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Warning all vainly given! too late</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To shield thee from the stroke of fate.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">One glance the fierce pursuer threw,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A pistol from his holster drew,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Levelled and fired, the echoes still</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Prolong the sound from wood to hill;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">But ere the last vibrations die,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A WOMAN’S shriek of agony</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Rings out beneath that midnight sky!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The household sleep soundly in Allinghame Hall,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Groom, butler, and coachman, cook, footboy, and all;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">The fat old housekeeper</div> - <div class="verse indent14">(Never was such a sleeper),</div> - <div class="verse indent14">After giving a snore,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Which was almost a roar,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has just turned in her bed and begun a fresh score;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The butler (a shocking old wine-bibbing sinner),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Having made some mistake after yesterday’s dinner,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As to where he should put a decanter of sherry,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Went to bed rather merry,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">But perplexed in his mind,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Not being able to find</div> - <div class="verse indent14">A legitimate reason</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Why at that time and season</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_18"></a>[18]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">His <i>eight</i>-post bed chooses, whichever way he stirs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To present to his vision a <i>couple</i> of testers!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Since which, still more completely his spirits to damp,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He’s been roused twice by nightmare and three times by cramp!</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And now he dreams some old church-bell</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Is mournfully tolling a dead man’s knell,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he starts in his sleep, and mutters, “Alas!</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Man’s life’s brittle as glass!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There’s another cork flown, and the spirit escaped;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Heigh ho!” (here he gaped),</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Then, scratching his head,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">He sat up in bed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For that bell goes on ringing more loud than before,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he knows ’tis the bell of the great hall door.</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Footman tall,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Footboy small,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Housekeeper, butler, coachman, and all,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a singular state of extreme dishabille,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Which they each of them feel</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Disinclined to reveal,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And yet know not very well how to conceal,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With one accord rush to the old oak hall;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">To unfasten the door</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Takes a minute or more;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It opens at length and discloses a sight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which fills them with wonder, and sorrow, and fright.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The ruddy light of early dawn</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gilds with its rays that velvet lawn;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From every shrub and painted flower</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Dew-drops distill in silvery shower;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sweet perfumes load the air; the song</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of waking birds is borne along</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Upon the bosom of the breeze</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That murmurs through the waving trees;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_19"></a>[19]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">The crystal brook that dances by</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gleams in the sunlight merrily;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All tells of joy, and love, and life—</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>All?</i>—Said I everything was rife</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With happiness?—Behold that form,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like lily broken by the storm,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Fall’n prostrate on the steps before</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The marble threshold of the door!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The well-turned limbs, the noble mien,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The riding-coat of Lincoln green;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The hat, whose plume of sable hue</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Its shadow o’er his features threw;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yon coal-black barb, too, panting near,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All show some youthful cavalier;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While, fatal evidence of strife,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From a deep hurt the flood of life</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Proves, as its current stains the sod,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">How man defiles the work of God.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With eager haste the servants raise</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The head, and on the features gaze,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then backward start in sad surprise</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As that pale face they recognise.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Good reason theirs, although, in sooth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They knew but half the fatal truth;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For, strange as doth the tale appear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">One startling fact is all too clear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The robber, who on No-Man’s-Land</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was shot by Blaker’s ruthless hand,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That highwayman of evil fame</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is beauteous Maude of Allinghame!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3>L’ENVOI.</h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Well, but that’s not the end?”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Yes it is, my good friend.”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_20"></a>[20]</span> - <div class="verse indent18">“Oh, I say!</div> - <div class="verse indent18">That wont pay;</div> - <div class="verse indent18">’Tis a shocking bad way</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To leave off so abruptly. I wanted to hear</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A great many particulars: first, I’m not clear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is the young woman killed?” “Be at rest on that head,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She’s completely defunct, most excessively dead.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Blaker’s shot did the business; she’d just strength to fly,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Reached her home, rang the bell, and then sank down to die.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Poor girl! really it’s horrid! However I knew it</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Could come to no good—I felt certain she’d rue it—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But pray, why in the world did the jade go to do it?”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“’Tis not easy to say; but at first, I suppose,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Just by way of a freak she rode out in man’s clothes.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Then her taking the money?” “A mere idiosyncrasy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As when, some years since, a young gent, being with drink crazy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Set off straight on end to the British Museum,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, having arrived there, transgressed all the laws</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of good breeding, by smashing the famed Portland Vase;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or the shop-lifting ladies, by dozens you see ’em,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For despising the diff’rence ’twixt tuum and meum,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Brought before the Lord Mayor every week, in the papers.</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Why, the chief linen-drapers</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Have a man in their shops solely paid for revealing</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When they can’t keep their fair hands from picking and stealing.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas a mere woman’s fancy, a female caprice,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And you know at that time they’d no rural police.”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">“Hum! it <i>may</i> have been so. Well, is that all about it?”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">“No; there’s more to be told, though I dare say you’ll doubt it-</div> - <div class="verse indent0">s being true; but the story goes on to relate,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That, after Maude’s death, the old Hall and estate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Were put up to auction, and Master Blair thought it</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Seemed a famous investment, bid for it and bought it,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_21"></a>[21]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And fitted it up in extremely bad taste;</div> - <div class="verse indent16">But scarce had he placed</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His foot o’er the threshold,—the very first night,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">He woke up in a fright,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Being roused from his sleep by a terrible cry</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of ‘Fire!’—had only a minute to fly</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In his shirt, Mrs. Blair in her⸺Well, never mind,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the dress she had on at the time; while behind</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Followed ten little blessings, who looked very winning</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In ten little nightgowns of Irish linen;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They’d just time to escape, when the flames, with a roar</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like thunder, burst forth from each window and door;</div> - <div class="verse indent16">And there, with affright,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">They perceive by the light</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Maude Allinghame’s sprite—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Her real positive ghost—no fantastic illusion</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Conceived by their brains from the smoke and confusion—</div> - <div class="verse indent16">With a hot flaming brand</div> - <div class="verse indent16">In each shadowy hand,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Flaring up, like a fiend, in the midst of the fire,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And exciting the flames to burn fiercer and higher.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From what follows we learn that ghosts, spirits, and elves,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Are the creatures of habit as well as ourselves;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For Maude (that is, ghost Maude), when once she had done</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The trick, seemed to think it was capital fun;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And whenever the house is rebuilt, and prepared</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a tenant, the rooms being all well scrubbed and aired,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The very first night the new owner arrives</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Maude’s implacable spirit still ever contrives</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Many various ways in</div> - <div class="verse indent16">To set it a blazing;</div> - <div class="verse indent16">In this way she’s done</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Both the Phœnix and Sun</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So especially brown by the fires she’s lighted,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">That now, being invited</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_22"></a>[22]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">To grant an insurance, they always say when a nice</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Offer is made them,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">’Tis no use to persuade them,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If a ghost’s in the case, they wont do it at any price.”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3>MORAL.</h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And now for the moral! <i>Imprimis</i>, young heiresses,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Don’t go riding o’ nights, and don’t rob mayors or mayoresses;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As to robbing your suitors, allow me to say,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On the face of the thing ’tis a scheme that won’t pay;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Though they sigh and protest, and are dabs at love-making,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">You’ll not find one in ten</div> - <div class="verse indent16">Of these charming young men</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Can produce on occasion a purse worth your taking.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Don’t refuse a good offer, but think ere you let a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Chance like that slip away, <i>that you mayn’t get a better</i>.</div> - <div class="verse indent16">One more hint and I’ve done—</div> - <div class="verse indent16">If by pistol or gun</div> - <div class="verse indent16">It should e’er be your lot</div> - <div class="verse indent16">(Which I hope it may not),</div> - <div class="verse indent16">In a row to get shot,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the doctor’s assistance should all prove in vain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“When you give up the ghost, don’t resume it again.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If you <i>do</i> choose to “walk” and revisit this earth</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To play tricks, let some method be mixed with your mirth.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As to burning down houses and ruining folks,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And flaring about like a Fire-king’s daughter,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Allow me to say there’s no fun in such jokes,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">’Twould far better have been</div> - <div class="verse indent16">To have copied Undine,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There’s no harm in a mixture of <i>spirits and water</i>!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. S.</span></p> - -<div class="footnotes"> - -<h3>FOOTNOTES</h3> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_1" href="#FNanchor_1" class="label">[1]</a> The following legend is founded on a story current in the part of Herts -where the scene is laid; the house was actually burnt down about ten years -ago, having just been rendered habitable.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_2" href="#FNanchor_2" class="label">[2]</a> The name of a lonely common near Harpenden, formerly a favourite -site for prize-fights.</p> - -</div> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_23"></a>[23]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="YE_RIGHT_ANCIENT_BALLAD">“YE RIGHT ANCIENT BALLAD OF YE COMBAT OF -KING TIDRICH WITH YE DRAGON.”</h2> - -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Ye Peroration.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Hey for the march of intellect,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The schoolmaster’s abroad,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And still the cry is raised on high,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Obey his mighty word!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Where’er we go, both high and low,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Bow down before his nod;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the sceptre may hide its jewelled pride,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">For our sceptre’s the birchen rod.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And all “enlightened citizens” and “learned brothers” say,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">That the world was never</div> - <div class="verse indent14">One half so clever</div> - <div class="verse indent10">As it is in the present day.</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Now I deny</div> - <div class="verse indent14">This general cry;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And will proceed to tell you why</div> - <div class="verse indent10">I’ve long since come to the conclusion,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">’Tis all a popular delusion.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">I have seen many a wild-beast show,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the day when Messrs. Pidcock and Co.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Were what vulgar people call all-the-go,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To the time when society mourned for the loss</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(All felt it, but no one like poor Mr. Cross)</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_24"></a>[24]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the elephant “Chuney,” who went mad, ’tis said,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">With the pressure and pain</div> - <div class="verse indent10">He felt in his brain</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From constantly bearing a <i>trunk</i> on his head.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">And I have set eye on</div> - <div class="verse indent10">That magnanimous lion,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Brave Wallace—oh, fye on</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The brutes who could hie on</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Fierce bull-dogs to fly on</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His monarchical mane! I declare I could cry on</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The bare thought, as one weeps when one goes to see “Ion.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">And lately I’ve been</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Down to Astley’s, and seen</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His wonderful elephants act; what they mean</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By their actions, I’ve not the most distant idea,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Why they stand on their heads, why they wag their fat tails,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Are to me hidden mysteries, “very like whales,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As Hamlet remarks of some cloud he is certain</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He perceives up aloft, whence they let down the curtain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And whither they draw up the fairies and goddesses,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With their pretty pink legs and inadequate bodices.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">But of all the beasts I ever did see,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Whether of low or of high degree,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Despite the “schoolmaster,”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And “going a-head faster,”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The arts and the sciences,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And all their appliances,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Never an animal, chained or loose,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">As yet have I heard</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Utter one single word,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Or so much as attempt to say “Bo!” to a goose.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_25"></a>[25]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">But you’ll see, if you read the next two or three pages,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That in what people now-a-days term the dark ages,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When the world was some thousand years younger or so,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Beasts could talk very well; and it wasn’t thought low</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a real live monarch his prowess to brag on,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And bandy high words with an insolent dragon.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Ye Right Ancient Ballad.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The good King Tidrich rode from Bern<a id="FNanchor_3" href="#Footnote_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a></div> - <div class="verse indent2">(And a funny name had he),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His charger was bay, and he took his way</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Under the greenwood-tree;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And ever he sang, as he rode along,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“’Tis a very fine thing</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To be a crowned king,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And to feel one’s right arm strong.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">King Tidrich was clad in armour of proof</div> - <div class="verse indent2">(Whatever that may be)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his helmet shone with many a stone,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Inserted cunningly;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While on his shield one might behold</div> - <div class="verse indent4">A lion trying</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To set off flying,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Emblazoned in burnished gold.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">King Tidrich was counting his money o’er,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As he rode the greenwood through,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When he was aware of a “shocking affair,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And a terrible “to-do;”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_26"></a>[26]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Then loudly he shouted with pure delight,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“A glorious row,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">I make mine avow;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I’ll on, and view the fight.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And a fearful sight it was, I ween,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As ever a king did see,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a dragon old, and a lion bold,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Were striving wrathfully;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the monarch perceived from the very first—</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And it made him sad,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For “a reason he had,”—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the lion would get the worst.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When the lion saw the royal Knight,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">These were the words he said:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“O mighty King, assistance bring,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Or I am fairly sped;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For the battle has been both fierce and long;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Two days and a night</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Have I urged the fight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the dragon’s unpleasantly strong.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">In a kind of Low Dutch did the lion speak,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Nor his stops did he neglect,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But e’en in his hurry, for Lindley Murray</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Preserved a marked respect;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he managed his H’s according to rule:</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Full well I ween</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Must the beast have been</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Taught at some Public School.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Long paused the royal hero then,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Grave thoughts passed through his brain;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of his queen thought he, and his fair countrie<a id="FNanchor_4" href="#Footnote_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a></div> - <div class="verse indent2">He never might see again;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_27"></a>[27]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">He thought of his warriors, that princely band,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Of Eckhart true,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And Helmschrot too,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Wolfort’s red right hand.<a id="FNanchor_5" href="#Footnote_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But he thought of the lion he bore on his shield,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And he manned his noble breast,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“’Twixt the lion and me there is sympathy,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And a dragon I detest;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I must not see the lion slain;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Both kings are we,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">In our degree,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I of the city and he of the plain.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The first stroke that the monarch made,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">His weapon tasted blood;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From many a scale of the dragon’s mail</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Poured forth the crimson flood.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But when the hero struck again,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The treacherous sword</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Forsook its lord,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And brake in pieces twain.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The dragon laid him on her back</div> - <div class="verse indent2">With a triumphant air,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And flung the horse her jaws across,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As a greyhound would seize a hare.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At a fearful pace to her rocky den,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To serve as food</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For her young brood</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Away she bore them then.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_28"></a>[28]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">They were a charming family,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Eleven little frights,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With deep surprise in their light-green eyes,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And fearful appetites;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And they wagged their tails with extreme delight,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For to dine on King</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Is a dainty thing</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When one usually dines on Knight.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Before them then the steed she threw,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Saddle, and bridle, and crupper,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And bade them crunch its bones for lunch,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">While they saved the king for supper;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Saying, she must sleep ere she could sup,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For after the fight</div> - <div class="verse indent4">With the lion and knight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She was thoroughly used up.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">A lucky chance for Tidrich:</div> - <div class="verse indent2">He sought the dark cave over,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And soon the King did Adelring,<a id="FNanchor_6" href="#Footnote_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a></div> - <div class="verse indent2">That famous sword, discover:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“And was it here that Siegfried died?<a id="FNanchor_7" href="#Footnote_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a></div> - <div class="verse indent4">That champion brave,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Was this his grave?”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In grief the monarch cried.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“I have ridden with him in princely hosts,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I have feasted with him in hall;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sword, you and I will do or die,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">But we’ll avenge his fall.”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_29"></a>[29]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Against the cavern’s rocky side</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The king essayed</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The trusty blade,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till the flames gleamed far and wide.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Up rose a youthful dragon then,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Right pallid was his hue;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For with fear and ire he viewed the fire</div> - <div class="verse indent2">From out the rock that flew.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">These words he to the king did say:</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“If the noise thou dost make</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Should our mother awake,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It is thou wilt rue the day.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Be silent, thou young viper,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">’Twas thus the king replied,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Thy mother slew Siegfried the true,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">A hero brave and tried;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And vengeance have I vowed to take</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Upon ye all,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Both great and small,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For that dear warrior’s sake.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then he aroused the dragon old,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Attacked her with his sword,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a fearful fight, with strength and might</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Fought he, that noble lord.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The dragon’s fiery breath, I ween,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Made his cuirass stout</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Red hot throughout:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Such a sight was never seen.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Despair lent strength to the monarch then;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">A mighty stroke he made,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Through the dragon’s neck, without a check,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">He passed his trenchant blade.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_30"></a>[30]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">At their mother’s fall, each little fright</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Began to yell</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Like an imp of hell,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And nearly stunned the knight.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He struck right and left with Adelring,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">That trusty sword and good,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And in pieces small chopped each and all</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of the dragon’s hateful brood.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">King Tidrich thus at honour’s call,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">On German land,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">With his strong right hand,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Avenged bold Siegfried’s fall.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Now ye whose spirits thrill to hear</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The trumpet-voice of fame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or love to read of warrior deed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Remember Tidrich’s name;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And mourn that the days of chivalry</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Are past and o’er,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And live no more,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Save in their glorious memory.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yet when Prince Albert rides abroad,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Our gracious Queen may feel</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As well content, as if he went,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Encased in plates of steel;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Relying on the new Police,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Those bulwarks of the State,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That on their beat, no dragons eat</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The Prince off his own plate!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. S.</span></p> - -<p>[Should any reader wish to learn more of the various personages here mentioned, -we refer him to the “Illustrations of Northern Antiquities, from the -earlier Teutonic and Scandinavian Romances,” to which we are indebted for -our information on the subject.]</p> - -<div class="footnotes"> - -<h3>FOOTNOTES</h3> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_3" href="#FNanchor_3" class="label">[3]</a> King Tidrich, Dietrich, or Theoderic, the son of Thietmar, king of Bern, -and the fair Odilia, daughter of Essung Jarl, was, as it were, the central -hero of that well-known, popular, and interesting work the “Book of -Heroes,” which relates the deeds of the champions who attached themselves -to him, and the manner in which they joined his fellowship.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_4" href="#FNanchor_4" class="label">[4]</a> Tidrich of Bern was also king of Aumlungaland (Italy); he espoused -Herraud, daughter of King Drusiad, a relation of Attila.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_5" href="#FNanchor_5" class="label">[5]</a> These three champions were among the eleven heroes who accompanied -Tidrich in his memorable expedition to contend against the twelve guardians -of the Garden of Roses at Worms.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_6" href="#FNanchor_6" class="label">[6]</a> They had a weakness for naming swords in those days, just as in the -nineteenth century we delight in bestowing euphonious titles on “villa -residences,” puppy dogs, and men-of-war!</p> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_7" href="#FNanchor_7" class="label">[7]</a> Sigurd, or Siegfried, son of Sigmond, king of Netherland, is the chief -hero of the Nibelungen Lay. There are various accounts of his death, one -of the least improbable supposes him to have been destroyed by a dragon.</p> - -</div> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_31"></a>[31]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ST_MICHAELS_EVE">ST. MICHAEL’S EVE.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">I will tell to you a story, for in winter time we bore ye</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With many an ancient legend and tale of by-gone time;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And methinks that there is in it enough to pass a minute,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So, to add to my vain-glory, I have put it into rhyme.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">As I heard it you shall hear it,—by one whom I revere, it</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was told me, as in childhood upon his knee I sat.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It treats of days long vanished,—of the times of James the Banished,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of periwig and rapier, and quaint three-cornered hat.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Walter Ralph de Guyon, of a noble house the scion,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Though his monarch was defeated, still held bravely to his cause,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And foremost in the slaughter by the Boyne’s ill-fated water</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was seen his knightly cognizance,—a bear with bloody paws.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But when the fight was over, escaping under cover</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the darkness and confusion, to England he returned,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As well might be expected, dispirited, dejected,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But his rage within him smouldered, nor ever brightly burned.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Save when his daughter Alice would say in playful malice,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That she loved the gallant Orange much better than the Green;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And that as a maid she’d tarry, till she found a chance to marry</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With one true to William, her bold king, and Mary, her good queen.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_32"></a>[32]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then Sir Walter’s brow would darken, and he’d mutter, “Alice, hearken!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By <i>my</i> child no such treason shall be spoken e’en in jest;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And bethink you, oh, my daughter! there is one across the water</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who shall one day have his own again, though now he’s sore distressed.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Little knew he that each even, ’twixt the hours of six and seven,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Just below his daughter’s casement a whistle low was blown;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And that soon as e’er it sounded through the wicket-gate she bounded,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And was clasped in the embrace of one of bold “King William’s Own.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Ay! De Ruyter was a gentleman, and high-bred were his people;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No chapel-going folks were they, but loved a church and steeple!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His blood, of every good Dutch race contained a little sprinkle—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A Knickerbocker was his sire, his aunt a Rip van Winkle;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And so well he danced and sang, and kissed and talked so wondrous clever,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He gave this maiden’s heart a twist, and conquered it for ever!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And being thus a captain gay, “condemned to country quarters,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A favourite of his royal lord, adorned with stars and garters,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">He saw this young maid,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">As one day on parade</div> - <div class="verse indent6">He was gaily attired, all jackboots and braid.</div> - <div class="verse indent14">He stared, she but glanced,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Her charms it enhanced;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">She passed by him quickly, he rested entranced!</div> - <div class="verse indent14">No orders he utters,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">But vacantly mutters</div> - <div class="verse indent14">(Though clamouring round him his underlings gabble hard),</div> - <div class="verse indent14">“She’s to me Eloisa; to her I’ll be Abelard!”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_33"></a>[33]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And ever since that hour, whene’er he had the power,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Across to bold Sir Walter’s the captain bent his path;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At the garden-gate he met her—upon his knee he set her—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, vanquished by the daughter’s love, forgot the father’s wrath:</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Till when on the day in question, with a view to aid digestion,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Some retainers of Sir Walter, who with their lord had dined,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bethought of promenading, what by Gamp is called the “garding,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, during their researches, what think ye they should find?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But a gallant captain kneeling, and apparently appealing,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To a dame who to all seeming, was encouraging his suit;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All dishevelled were her tresses by the warmth of his caresses,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And her eye with love was <i>liquid</i>, although her voice was <i>mute</i>!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">“A prize! a prize!” quoth these Papist spies,—</div> - <div class="verse indent8">“A prize for our gallant lord!”</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And before poor De Ruyter awoke from surprise</div> - <div class="verse indent4">They had pinioned his arms, they had bandaged his eyes;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And when he recovered, his first surmise</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Was “At length I am thoroughly floored!”</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For assistance he calls, but they gag him,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And off to Sir Walter they drag him;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">While Abraham Cooper,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A stalwart old trooper,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Expresses a hope that they’ll “scrag” him.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He conceives it “a pretty idea, as</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To think that these Dutch furrineerers</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Should come here a-courtin’,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">On our manors sportin’;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">A set of young winkers and leerers!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent8">Sir Walter’s brow grew black as night,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">He doubted if he heard aright;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_34"></a>[34]</span> - <div class="verse indent4">“What, to <i>my</i> daughter kneeling <i>here</i>!</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Methinks thou’rt daring, cavalier,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To venture ’neath the gripe of one</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Whose ancient race, from sire to son,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Has ever, e’en in face of death,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Upheld that pure and holy faith</div> - <div class="verse indent6">By thee and thine denied!</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Or think’st thou that, to bow the knee</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And whisper words of gallantry</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To one of English blood and birth</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Were pastime meet for hour of mirth?</div> - <div class="verse indent4">God’s life! before to-morrow’s sun</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Gilds yonder wood, thy race is run;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Nought care I for thy foreign king,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">From yon tall oak thy corpse shall swing,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Let good or ill betide!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Away he is hurried,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">All worried and flurried,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And locked in a chamber, dark, dirty, and small,—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Huge barriers of iron</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The windows environ,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the door leads but into the banqueting-hall.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The banqueting-hall is soon gaily lit up,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For Sir Walter loved dearly a well-filled cup,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And sent to invite</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Each guest that night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With “where you have dined, boys, why there you shall sup.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">In the banqueting-hall,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Both great and small,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The cavalier knights, the retainers tall,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Together are gathered—one and all.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_35"></a>[35]</span> - <div class="verse indent4">The red wine has flowed and taken effect</div> - <div class="verse indent4">On all, save poor Alice, who, <i>distraite</i>, deject,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Has refused to take part in this riotous revel,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And wished those who did with the—Father of Evil.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The mirth was at its loudest, the humblest and the proudest</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Were hobnobbing together, as though the dearest friends;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While some for wine were bawling, there were others loudly calling</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a song,—that ancient fiction which e’er to misery tends;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When Sir Walter grasped the table—rose, as well as he was able—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And entreated for a moment that his guests would give him heed:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“’Tis St. Michael’s Eve,—a time accursèd by a crime</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Committed by my ancestor—a ruthless, bloody deed!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“For during times of danger, a sable-armoured stranger</div> - <div class="verse indent0">One night had roused the castle, and shelter had implored;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Much gold, he said, he carried, and now too late had tarried,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To risk the chance of robbers, or to cross the neighbouring ford.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“He was shown into a bedroom, since that period called the Red Room,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(You can see it,” said Sir Walter, “for yonder is the door;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And there, in our safe keeping, the Dutchman now is sleeping);</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And from that room the stranger never, never issued more.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“But throughout this ancient castle, each terror-stricken vassal</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Heard shriek on shriek resounding in the middle of the night;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And with the dawn of morning would each have ‘given warning,’</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But for one little obstacle yclept the ‘feudal right.’</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_36"></a>[36]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“So no murm’ring e’er was uttered, and old Sir Brandreth muttered</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That his visitor had left him as soon as break of day;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But one thing worth attention Sir Brandreth <i>didn’t</i> mention,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He didn’t take his armour; there in the room it lay,</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“And there it lies at present; but each credulous old peasant</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Will tell you that upon this night the spectre walks abroad;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis just about his hour, if he really have the power,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">We now shall see him. Heavens! he enters, by the Lord!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent16">Bang! clash!</div> - <div class="verse indent14">With a terrible crash,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Flies open the bedroom door,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">And out stalks a figure,</div> - <div class="verse indent16">To their eyes much bigger</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Than great Gog or Magog, more black than a nigger,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">In armour accoutred from head to heel,—</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Black rusty old armour, not polished steel.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His vizor is down, but he takes a sight,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Though he moves not his eyes to the left or right;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He says not a word, but he walks straight on,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The hall door opes at his step! he’s gone!</div> - <div class="verse indent4">He clanks ’cross the court-yard, and enters the stable;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His footsteps are heard by the guests ’neath the table,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For there they have hidden them every one.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">There, shivering and shaking, they waited till the breaking</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the daylight showed the power of all ghosts was at an end;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then one by one uprising, declared it was surprising</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That, overcome by liquor, each had dropped down by his friend;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Till the heart of each was lightened by finding that as frightened</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As he himself were all by the spiritual sight;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But their courage and their strength coming back to them at length,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They hasten to the prisoner’s room, and find it—vacant quite!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_37"></a>[37]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yes! De Ruyter had departed! for while lying all downhearted,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And thinking of poor Alice, he remembered just in time</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The spectre-walking legend—he had heard it from a “peagant”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Excuse the Gampism, reader, but I use it for the rhyme);</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And on the instant bright’ning, he proceeded, quick as lightning,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To dress him in the armour which the sable knight had left;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he listened to the host, till, at mention of the ghost,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He burst upon the drinkers, of their senses nigh bereft.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He called Alice to the stable; then, as fast as he was able,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Galloped off towards his quarters; thence to London hastened on;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There was married to his charmer, thence sent back the sable armour,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And asked Sir Walter’s sanction to the good deed he had done.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">My tale is nearly ended. Sir Walter, much offended</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At the hoax played off upon him, would not listen for awhile;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But regretting much his daughter, came at length to town and sought her,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For he missed her childish prattle and her fond endearing smile.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And then on this occasion a grand reconciliation</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He had with young De Ruyter—ever after they were friends.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So having now related the tale to me as stated,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I take my humble leave of you, and here my story ends.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. Y.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter illowp100" id="illus3" style="max-width: 43.75em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus3.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">ST. MICHAEL’S EVE.</span>—<a href="#Page_36">p. 36.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_38"></a>[38]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_KING_OF_THE_CATS">THE KING OF THE CATS.<br /> -<span class="smaller">A RHINE LEGEND.</span></h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Time, midnight; scene, Rheinland; a castle of course,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A castle of bloodshed and slaughter,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Such a castle as barons oppressed with remorse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Inhabit, and nightly are seen in such force</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With boots so brickdusted and voices so hoarse</div> - <div class="verse indent6">On the Surrey side o’ the water.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Adolf von Lebenwurst sits in his chair,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The firelight flickers o’er him,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It lights up the curls of his chesnut hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It plays o’er his beard and mustachios rare,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For the sake of which latter the sex called “fair”</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Is reported to adore him.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And close by his side sits his great Tom cat,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So indolent, lazy, so sleek and fat,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That marauding mouse and rebellious rat</div> - <div class="verse indent6">In safety keep up their revels,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Neath tapestry, arras, and wainscot board,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till the servants declare their departed lord</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From his warm berth below must have wandered abroad</div> - <div class="verse indent6">To play hide-and-seek with the devils.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And bitter blows the wind without, and fiercely drifts the rain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And beats, as though it entrance sought, against the window pane;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas such a night as witches love, when on the blasted heath,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Beneath the tree where swings the corpse, they lead the dance of death;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_39"></a>[39]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas such a night as women dread, and kneeling ere they sleep,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Implore God’s grace for husbands, sons, and brothers on the deep;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas such a night as trav’llers hate, and seek the nearest roof,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Distrusting Cording’s overcoats and capes of waterproof.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And one of this last-mentioned class now gains the castle door,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And rings the bell more loudly than it e’er was rung before,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And passing by the warder grim, the wond’ring vassals all,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pursues his course with staggering step across the noble hall;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He climbs the winding turret-stair, he reaches Adolf’s room,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And pale as any ghost or ghoule that ever left the tomb,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">He sinks into a chair,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">With a vacant stare,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Examines by turns all the furniture there;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">He gasps and he groans,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And he bellows and moans,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And he mutters of devils, Old Nick, Davey Jones,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Till his host, who of flying begins to think,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Is relieved by his asking for “something to drink.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“The glasses sparkle on the board,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The wine is ruby bright,”</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The guest to sense at length restored,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Declares himself “all right.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The red blood paints his cheek again, his breast no longer heaves,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he and Adolf o’er their wine are soon as thick as thieves.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Together they’re laughing,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And talking, and chaffing,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And after each shout comes a fresh bout of quaffing,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Till Adolf asks Kraus, so the stranger is hight,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">To give an account of the terrible fright</div> - <div class="verse indent6">From which he with him had sought refuge that night.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Oh, Mr. Tennyson!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Grant me your benison,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">You, who are fed on sack, turtle, and venison!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_40"></a>[40]</span> - <div class="verse indent12">Pity a rhymer,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Child of a mimer,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Who, of Parnassus, can scarce be called any son!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Help me! inspire me!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">With fine thoughts fire me!</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Let me please those who so graciously hire me!</div> - <div class="verse indent8">As I try to describe the funeral rite</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Which was witnessed by Kraus on that stormy night,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And mainly occasioned his terrible fright!</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Thus spake he, in metre sometimes used by you,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Which is always successful, let me try it, too!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Many a morning have I wandered, strolling o’er the barren plain</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which surrounds this noble castle, and is part of your domain;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many an evening have I staggered homeward o’er the blasted heath,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Singing, ‘wont go home till morning,’ with a spirit-tainted breath;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a time I’ve passed the ruined abbey hidden in the trees,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Covered with a mouldy mantle like an ancient Schweitzer cheese,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Joyous thoughts I always nourished! now what misery lurks beneath!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh, the horrid, horrid abbey, oh, the blasted, blasted heath!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Listen, comrade, and believe me, as I passed the spot this night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Suddenly the ruined abbey shone revealed one blaze of light;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And before each sep’rate entrance stood, in either hand a torch,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Two huge cats in mourning garments, placed as sentries in the porch!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As I halted, half entrancéd, senses going, eye-balls dim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sudden o’er my ear came wafted echoes of a mournful hymn!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Nearer pressed I, to a window, climbed, and looking down below,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Saw a funeral procession, marching solemnly and slow.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Eight great cats a bier supported, on the which a dead cat lay,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Scores of others followed after, tabbies, brindles, black, and grey;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On the breast of the departed was there placed a regal crown,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his features were all placid, undisturbed by smile or frown.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_41"></a>[41]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Thrice around the aisle they bore him, thrice arose a caterwaul,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then they covered o’er the body with a gilt-edged ratskin pall;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Thrice arose the mournful requiem, by the echoes borne afar,</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>Ci-git notre roi Grimalkin, brave et noble roi des châts</i>.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the abbey then I hastened, flying off in dread and fear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Not an instant stopped or stayed I, till I found a refuge here,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ne’er again to cross that heather after nightfall have I vowed—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Heavens! look! with superhuman sense another cat endowed!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent8">’Twas so, for scarcely had he spoke</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Than a cry of grief from the Tom cat broke,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">He wept and shrieked aloud—</div> - <div class="verse indent8">“Oh, Grimalkin, my father! my own loved sire!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To think I should leave thee alone to expire,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Surrounded by a hireling crowd,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">While I was slumb’ring here!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">From strangers I learn thy lamented death,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To strangers thou yieldedst thy latest breath,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And strangers watched thy bier!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">If repentance yet serves, behold me now</div> - <div class="verse indent12">In grief and affliction—mol row! mol row!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent8">Thus mourned Tom his sire, when nearer and nigher</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A tramp on the stairs resounded,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And into the room through the deep’ning gloom</div> - <div class="verse indent12">A mourning-clad tabby bounded.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And after him there comes a train of pussies black and grey,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">From Lady Tab who acts the prude to Misses Kit at play,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And down before great Tom they kneel,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">With many a caterwaul and squeal</div> - <div class="verse indent8">They greet him Lord and King,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">They hail him King of Tabby Land,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">They deck him with a ratskin grand,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And a golden crown they bring—</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_42"></a>[42]</span> - <div class="verse indent8">At once a procession is started,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Through the great castle gate it departed,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Not so much as a tail</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Was e’er seen, I’ll go bail,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">By Adolf, who after it darted—</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">Such was the tale that last winter I heard</div> - <div class="verse indent4">From a beery old German, who stoutly averred</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Each word of it was veracious;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For myself, I believe it strictly true,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The blame of discredit I leave to you,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">If your faith be less capacious.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. D.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_43"></a>[43]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_LAPWING">THE LAPWING.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container smaller"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.”—<span class="smcap">Shakespeare.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Come, write me some lines,” said my own darling Annie,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">“You say that you love me, my beauty you praise;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And you make them by dozens for Laura or Fanny,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">While I’m deemed unworthy to shine in your lays.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“From the land of the grape, to the hill of the heather,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Each troubadour poured forth his verses of yore,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While you, with the power to string rhyme together,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Have ne’er penned a stanza to her you adore.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">So spoke mine own Annie, and hurriedly hiding</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Her head in my bosom, the tears ’gan to flow:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So I hastened to soothe her, her anger deriding,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And pressed with my lips her fair forehead of snow.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But no peace could be made, e’en by dint of embraces,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Till I owned my sad error again and again;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when I’d dispelled sorrow’s lingering traces,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I made my defence in the following strain:—</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“The lapwing, my love, is a sweet little bird,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Well known for the care that it takes of its young;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And if where the voice of this lapwing is heard</div> - <div class="verse indent2">You seek for its nest, you are sure to be wrong.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“For by twitt’ring and screaming it seeks to beguile</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The pursuer from where its heart’s treasure is laid;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, were you a sage, you would see with a smile</div> - <div class="verse indent2">How the smallest of creatures call guile to their aid!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_44"></a>[44]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“So I, full courageously, pour forth the praises</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of Laura or Fanny, those moths of an hour,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But you, my heart’s darling, I hide amidst mazes</div> - <div class="verse indent2">More subtle than those of Fair Rosamond’s bower.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“For I own that I fear lest, by praising your charms,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I should e’er to the smallest suspicion give rise,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And some daring pursuer should tear from my arms</div> - <div class="verse indent2">My own darling Annie, the light of my eyes!”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. D.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_45"></a>[45]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_ENCHANTED_NET">THE ENCHANTED NET.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Could we only give credit to half we are told,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There were sundry strange monsters existing of old;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As evinced (on the <i>ex pede</i> Herculean plan,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which from merely a footstep presumes the whole man)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By our <i>Savans</i> disturbing those very large bones,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which have turned (for the rhyme’s sake, perhaps) into stones,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And have chosen to wait a</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Long while hid in <i>strata</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While old Time has been dining on empires and thrones.</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Old bones and dry bones,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Leg-bones and thigh-bones,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bones of the vertebræ, bones of the tail,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Very like, only more so, the bones of a whale;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bones that were very long, bones that were very short</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(They have never as yet found a real fossil merry-thought;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Perchance because mastodons, burly and big,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Considered all funny-bones quite <i>infra dig</i>.)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Skulls have they found in strange places imbedded,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which, at least, prove their owners were very long-headed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And other queer things,—which ’tis not my intention,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lest I weary your patience, at present to mention,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As I think I can prove, without further apology,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">What I said to be true, sans appeal to geology,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That there lived in the good old days gone by</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Things unknown to our modern philosophy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a giant was then no more out of the way</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Than a dwarf is now in the present day.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_46"></a>[46]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Eppo of Epstein was young, brave, and fair;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Dark were the curls of his clustering hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Dark the moustache that o’ershadowed his lip,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his glance was as keen as the sword at his hip;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Though the enemy’s charge was like lightning’s fierce shock,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His seat was as firm as the wave-beaten rock;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And woe to the foeman, whom pride or mischance</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Opposed to the stroke of his conquering lance.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He carved at the board, and he danced in the hall,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the ladies admired him, each one and all.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a word, I should say, he appears to have been</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As nice a young “ritter” as ever was seen.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">He could not read nor write,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">He could not spell his name,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Towards being a clerk, Sir Eppo, his (†) mark,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Was as near as he ever came.</div> - <div class="verse indent6">He had felt no vexation</div> - <div class="verse indent6">From multiplication;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Never puzzled was he</div> - <div class="verse indent6">By the rule of three;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The practice he’d had</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Did not drive him mad,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Because it all lay</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Quite a different way.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The Asses’ Bridge, that Bridge of Sighs,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Had (lucky dog!) ne’er met his eyes.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a very few words he expressed his intention</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Once for all to decline every Latin declension,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When persuaded to add, by the good Father Herman,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That most classical tongue to his own native German.</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And no doubt he was right in</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Point of fact, for a knight in</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Those days was supposed to like nothing but fighting;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_47"></a>[47]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And one who had learned any language that is hard</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Would have stood a good chance of being burned for a wizard.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Education being then never pushed to the verge ye</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Now see it, was chiefly confined to the clergy.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas a southerly wind and a cloudy sky,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For aught that I know to the contrary;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If it wasn’t, it ought to have been proper<i>ly</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As it’s certain Sir Eppo, his feather bed scorning,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Thought that <i>something</i> proclaimed it a fine hunting morning;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">So, pronouncing his benison</div> - <div class="verse indent6">O’er a cold haunch of venison,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He floored the best half, drank a gallon of beer,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And set out on the Taurus to chase the wild deer.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Eppo he rode through the good greenwood,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his bolts flew fast and free;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He knocked over a hare, and he passed the lair</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(The tenant was out) of a grisly bear;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He started a wolf, and he got a snap shot</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At a bounding roe, but he touched it not,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which caused him to mutter a naughty word</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In German, which luckily nobody heard,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For he said it right viciously;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he struck his steed with his armèd heel,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As though horse-flesh were tougher than iron or steel,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or anything else that’s unable to feel.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">What is the sound that meets his ear?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is it the plaint of some wounded deer?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is it the wild-fowl’s mournful cry,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or the scream of yon eagle soaring high?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or is it only the southern breeze</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As it sighs through the boughs of the dark pine trees?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No Sir Eppo, be sure ’tis not any of these:</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_48"></a>[48]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">And hark, again!</div> - <div class="verse indent10">It comes more plain—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis a woman’s voice in grief or pain.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Like an arrow from the string,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Like a stone that leaves the sling,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like a railroad-train with a queen inside,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With directors to poke and directors to guide,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like the rush upon deck when a vessel is sinking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like (I vow I’m hard up for a simile) winking!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In less time than by name you Jack Robinson can call,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Eppo dashed forward o’er hedge, ditch, and hollow,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a steeple-chase style I’d be sorry to follow,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And found a young lady chained up by the ankle—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yes, chained up in a cool and business-like way,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As if she’d been only the little dog Tray;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While, the more to secure any knight-errant’s pity,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She was really and truly excessively pretty.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Here was a terrible state of things!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Down from his saddle Sir Eppo springs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As lightly as if he were furnished with wings,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While every plate in his armour rings.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The words that he uttered were short and few,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But pretty much to the purpose too,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As sternly he asked, with lowering brow,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Who’s been and done it, and where is he now?”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">’Twere long to tell</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Each word that fell</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the coral lips of that demoiselle;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">However, as far as I’m able to see,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The pith of the matter appeared to be</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_49"></a>[49]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">That a horrible giant, twelve feet high,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Having gazed on her charms with a covetous eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had stormed their castle, murdered papa,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Behaved very rudely to poor dear mamma,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Walked off with the family jewels and plate,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the tin and herself at a terrible rate;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Then by way of conclusion</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To all this confusion,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Tied her up like a dog</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To a nasty great log,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To induce her (the brute) to become Mrs. Gog;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That ’twas not the least use for Sir Eppo to try</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To chop off his head, or to poke out his eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As he’d early in life done a bit of Achilles</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Which, far better than taking an “Old Parr’s life-pill” is,)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had been dipped in the Styx, or some equally old stream,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And might now face unharmed a battalion of Coldstream.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">But she’d thought of a scheme</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Which did certainly seem</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Very likely to pay—no mere vision or dream:—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It appears that the giant each day took a nap</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For an hour (the wretch!) with his head in her lap:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh, she hated it so! but then what could she do?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Here she paused, and Sir Eppo remarked, “Very true;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And that during this time one might pinch, punch, or shake him,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or do just what one pleased, but that nothing could wake him,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While each horse and each man in the emperor’s pay</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Would not be sufficient to move him away,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Without magical aid, from the spot where he lay.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In an old oak chest, in an up-stairs room</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of poor papa’s castle, was kept an heir-loom,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_50"></a>[50]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">An enchanted net, made of iron links,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which was brought from Palestine, she thinks,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By her great grandpapa, who had been a Crusader;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If she had but got that, she was sure it would aid her.</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Sir Eppo, kind man,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Approves of the plan;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Says he’ll do all she wishes as quick as he can;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Begs she wont fret if the time should seem long;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Snatches a kiss, which was “pleasant but wrong;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mounts, and taking a fence in good fox-hunting style,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sets off for her family-seat on the Weil.</div> - <div class="verse indent14">The sun went down,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">The bright stars burned,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">The morning came,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And the knight returned;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">The net he spread</div> - <div class="verse indent14">O’er the giant’s bed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While Eglantine, and Hare-bell blue,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And some nice green moss on the spot he threw;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lest perchance the monster alarm should take,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And not choose to sleep from being too <i>wide awake</i>.</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Hark to that sound!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">The rocks around</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Tremble—it shakes the very ground;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">While Irmengard cries,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">As tears stream from her eyes,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A lady-like weakness we must not despise</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(And here, let me add, I have been much to blame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As I long ago ought to have mentioned her name):</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Here he comes! now do hide yourself, dear Eppo, pray;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For <i>my</i> sake, I entreat you, keep out of his way.”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Scarce had the knight</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Time to get out of sight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Among some thick bushes, which covered him quite,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere the giant appeared. Oh! he was such a fright!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_51"></a>[51]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">He was very square built, a good twelve feet in height,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his waistcoat (three yards round the waist) seemed too tight;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While, to add even yet to all this singularity,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He had but one eye, and his whiskers were carroty.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">What an anxious moment! Will he lie down?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ah, how their hearts beat! he seems to frown,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No, ’tis only an impudent fly that’s been teasing</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His <i>snub</i>lime proboscis, and set him a sneezing.</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Attish hu! attish hu!</div> - <div class="verse indent14">You brute, how I wish you</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Were but as genteel as the Irish lady,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">Dear Mrs. O’Grady,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who, chancing to sneeze in a noble duke’s face,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Hoped she hadn’t been guilty of splashing his Grace.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Now, look out. Yes, he will! No, he wont! By the powers!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I thought he was taking alarm at the flowers;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But it luckily seems, his gigantic invention</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has at once set them down as a little attention</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On Irmengard’s part,—done by way of suggestion</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That she means to say “Yes,” when he next pops the question.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">There! he’s down! now he yawns, and in one minute more—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I thought so, he’s safe—he’s beginning to snore;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He is wrapped in that sleep he shall wake from no more.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From his girdle the knight take a ponderous key;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It fits—and once more is fair Irmengard free.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">From heel to head, and from head to heel,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They wrap their prey in that net of steel,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And they <i>croché</i> the edges together with care,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As you finish a purse for a fancy-fair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till the last knot is tied by the diligent pair.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At length they have ended their business laborious,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Eppo shouts “Bagged him, by all that is glorious!”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_52"></a>[52]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">No billing and cooing,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">You must up and be doing.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Depend on’t, Sir Knight, this is no time for wooing;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You’ll discover, unless you progress rather smarter,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That catching a giant’s like catching a Tartar:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He still has some thirty-five minutes to sleep.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Close to this spot hangs a precipice steep,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like Shakspeare’s tall cliff which they show one at Dover;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Drag him down to the brink, and then let him roll over;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As they scarce make a capital crime of infanticide,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There can’t be any harm in a little giganticide.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Pull him, and haul him! take care of his head!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh, how my arms ache—he’s as heavy as lead!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That’ll do, love—I’m sure I can move him alone,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Though I’m certain the brute weighs a good forty stone.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yo! heave ho! roll him along</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(It’s exceedingly lucky the net’s pretty strong);</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Once more—that’s it—there, now, I think</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He’s done to a turn, he rests on the brink;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At it again, and over he goes</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To furnish a feast for the hooded crows;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Each vulture that makes the Taurus his home</div> - <div class="verse indent0">May dine upon giant for months to come.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">Lives there a man so thick of head</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To whom it must in words be said,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">How Eppo did the lady wed,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And built upon the giant’s bed</div> - <div class="verse indent4">A castle, walled and turreted?</div> - <div class="verse indent4">We will hope not; or, if there be,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Defend us from his company!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. S.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter illowp100" id="illus4" style="max-width: 43.75em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus4.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">THE ENCHANTED NET.</span>—<a href="#Page_51">p. 51.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_53"></a>[53]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="A_FYTTE_OF_THE_BLUES">A FYTTE OF THE BLUES.</h2> - -<p class="center">(<i>Air</i>—“<span class="smcap">The Old English Gentleman</span>.”)</p> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Of Woman’s rights and Woman’s wrongs we’ve heard much talk of late,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The first seem most extensive, and the latter very great;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Mrs. Ellis warns men, not themselves to agitate,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For ’neath petticoats and pinafores is hid the future fate</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of this wondrous nineteenth century, the youngest child of Time!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The Turks they had a notion, fit alone for Turks and fools,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That womankind has no more mind than horses or than mules;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But this idea’s exploded quite, as to your cost you’ll find</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If you intend to change or bend some stalwart female mind,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In this Amazonian century, precocious child of Time.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">If by external signs you seek this strength of mind to trace,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You’ll observe a very “powerful” expression in her face;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The lady’s stockings will be blue, and inky be her hand,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And her head quite full of something hard she doesn’t understand,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Like a puzzle-pated Bluestocking, one of the modern time.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And her dress will be peculiar, both in fabric and in make,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">An artistic classic tragic highly-talented mistake;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which is what she calls “effective,” though I’d rather not express</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The effect produced on thoughtless minds by such a style of dress,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">When worn by some awful Bluestocking, one of the modern time.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_54"></a>[54]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">She’ll talk about statistics, and ask if you’re inclined</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To join the progress movement for development of mind.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If you inquire what that means, she’ll frown and say ’tis best</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Such matter should be understood, but never be expressed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">By a stern suggestive Bluestocking, in this mystic modern time.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">She’ll converse upon æsthetics, and then refer to figures,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And turn from Angels bright and fair, to sympathise with Niggers,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whom she’ll style “our sable brethren,” and pretend are martyrs quite;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, with Mrs. H—t B—r St—e, she’ll swear that black is white,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Like a trans-Atlantic Bluestocking, one of the modern time.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">She never makes a pudding, and she never makes a shirt,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And if she’s got some little Blues, they’re black and blue with dirt;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When the wretched man her husband comes, though tired he may be,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She’ll regenerate society, instead of making tea,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Like a real strong-minded Bluestocking, the plague of the modern time.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3>MORAL.</h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The moral of my song is this, just leave all “ics” and “ologies”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For men to exercise their brains, on platforms and in colleges;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Let woman’s proud and honoured place be still the fireside,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And still man’s household deities, his mother and his bride,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In this our nineteenth century, the favoured child of Time.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. S.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_55"></a>[55]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_FORFEIT_HAND">THE FORFEIT HAND;<br /> -<span class="smaller">A LEGEND OF BRABANT.<a id="FNanchor_8" href="#Footnote_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a></span></h2> - -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Fytte ye First.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Geraldus the Abbot sat bolt upright,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Bolt upright, in his great arm-chair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He ground his teeth, and his beard beneath</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Seemed <i>crêpé</i> with anger every hair;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And every hair, whether grizzled or white,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On his head stood erect (as so often the case is,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whene’er fury or fear better feeling effaces).</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus encircling his tonsure, which same a smooth space is,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the desert of scalp a monastic oasis!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Geraldus the Abbot his temper had lost,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Insult had fall’n on the Prelate proud—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Heretic hands in a blanket had tost</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Lay Brother Ludwig, one of the crowd</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the Abbot’s dependents, a useful and able man,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Neither fish, flesh, nor fowl, half a friar, half stable-man.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But this shaking his brain so completely had addled,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the next time Geraldus’s palfrey he saddled,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He forgot both the girths, an important omission,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which occasioned a sudden and rude imposition</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On our general Mamma: (we allude to the Earth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who most kindly supports us, who gave our race birth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And will give, when breath fails, and we cannot replace it,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Furnished lodgings, a stone, and the motto, “<i>Hic jacet</i>.”)</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_56"></a>[56]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">“<i>Hic</i>” did “<i>jacet</i>” Geraldus, when rashly he tried,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Foot in stirrup, to climb to his saddle and ride;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">For the saddle turned round,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And he came to the ground,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With a hollow and pectoral “<i>woughf</i>” kind of sound.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">(Printing cannot express it,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">But ’twill help you to guess it,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If you’ve ever remarked the peculiar behaviour,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When he rams a large stone, of an Irish pavier.)</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Well, he wasn’t much hurt,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">But appeared from the dirt,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which adhered to his mitre and robes, to be rather</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A ghastly and horrible sight for a Father</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Confessor, who ere he thus rudely was tost</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the mire, was got up regardless of cost.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For this fall he vowed vengeance, and straightway on that theme a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Writ was prepared which wound up with “Anathema!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yolenta of Corteryke sat in her bower,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Which was not an arbour</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Where earwigs might harbour,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And availing themselves of some <i>al fresco</i> tea-table,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lie and kick on their backs amidst everything eatable,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the very best room in the very best tower.</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Yolenta was young and Yolenta was fair,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">She’d extremely pink cheeks and extremely smooth hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a pair of bright eyes with so roguish a glance in ’em,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the spirit of mischief and fun seemed to dance in ’em;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a sweet little foot and a dear little hand,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a thorough-bred air, and a look of command,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As noble a lady as one in the land.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yet Yolenta had “suffered;”—her little affairs</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the heart had gone roughly, a custom of theirs</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_57"></a>[57]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">From time immemorial, since Helen lost Troy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And pious Æneas made Dido a toy</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the moment, then left her, a striking variety,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the uniform course of his orthodox piety.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A young gent was her first love, of birth and condition,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whose very name, Loridon, seemed an admission</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He was formed to adore, but then what’s in a name?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had they christened him Jack, she’d have “loved him the same,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Because—mark the reason—her Pa had been rude</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To his Guv’nor, which led to a family feud.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So the Lord Lettelhausen called up his son Loridon,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And exclaimed, “Of all girls, to have fixed on that horrid one!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The daughter, you scamp, of the man I detest!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But I’ll never consent! if I do, I’ll be—blest!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Miss Yolenta, indeed! why, my garters and stars!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This is worse than your tricks with latch-keys and cigars!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Now, be off to the wars, nor on any pretences,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Show your face here again till you’ve come to your senses.”</div> - <div class="verse indent8">So <i>Malbrook se va-t-en guerre</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">In a state of deep despair.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then Yolenta’s papa thought he’d best take a part in it,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By performing the <i>rôle</i> of the tyrant and Martinet,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And proposed as a suitor,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">An old co-adjutor</div> - <div class="verse indent4">In many a dark deed, which no one but a brute or</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Barbarian would perpetrate, one Baron Corteryke,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whom he coolly informed her she certainly ought to like,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But, whether or no, in a week’s time must marry—</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And his will being the law,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">This medieval Bashaw</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pooh-pooh’d Ma’mselle’s suggestion of wishing to tarry,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And so, sending to Gunter, got up, like John Parry,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A first-rate entertainment, and vast charivari;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But yet, after all, was unable to carry</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_58"></a>[58]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Out his cruel intentions, for ’twixt cup and lip</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There occurred in this case a most notable slip;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To describe it, our metre we’ve stol’n, ’twill be seen,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From the song of one “Jock,” who’s sirnamed Hazeldean.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“The kirk was deckt at even-tide,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The tapers glimmered fair,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">The Baron Cort’ryke sought his bride,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And this time she <i>was</i> there!</div> - <div class="verse indent6">She said, ‘I will,’ as if a pill</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Had stuck within her throat,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">But fortune kind was still inclined</div> - <div class="verse indent8">To grant an antidote;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“For scarce beside the altar stone,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">The nuptial knot was tied,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">When some vile party, name unknown,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Stabbed Cort’ryke in the side!</div> - <div class="verse indent6">His anguish sore, not long he bore,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Physicians wor in vain,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Death did consider, him and his widder,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And eased him of his pain.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">So the lovely Yolenta was “quit for the fright”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Took the name, tin, and castle (a rare widow’s mite)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And wondered how Loridon fared in the fight.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“It was Geraldus’ serving man,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Ludwigus he was hight,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">For fair Bettye, that damsel free,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">He sighed both day and night;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Fair Bettye at the tapestry wrought,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">In Dame Yolenta’s bower;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">To ease the pain of this her swain,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">She lacked both will and power.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_59"></a>[59]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“Dan Cupid, that misch<i>ie</i>vous boy,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Ludwig to sorrow brought;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">For ogling of the fair Bettye,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Him, Dame Yolenta caught;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">And as in true love men are still</div> - <div class="verse indent8">(As well as oysters) crossed,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Ludwig, to cure his fantasy,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Was in a blanket tossed.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“<i>Hinc illæ lachrymæ</i>,” thence all these woes!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From this pitching and tossing the shindy arose!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis the voice of a Herald! I heard him proclaim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That he carries a summons for Corteryke’s dame,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Which sets forth how that same</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Fair lady’s to blame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For the high misdemeanour, the sin, and the shame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of tossing a lay brother, Ludwig by name,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a blanket, whereby she did cut, wound, and maim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And maliciously injure, and wilfully lame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And despitefully maltreat, deride, and make game,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And confuse, and abuse, and misuse, and defame!</div> - <div class="verse indent2">A monk of Saint Benedict,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Which by a then edict</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was a legal offence; so Yolenta was cited</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To appear, and show cause</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Why she’d broken the laws,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At the next petty sessions, where she was invited</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To plead in her own proper person, and wait a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Decree from my Lord Lettelhausen, the pater</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of poor banished Loridon, likewise the frater</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the plaintiff Geraldus, an excellent hater</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of all who opposed him, a reg’lar first-rater,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Full of envy and malice, a real aggravator,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_60"></a>[60]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Who’d have charmed Doctor Johnson, that learn’d commentator,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had he chanced but to live a few centuries later.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The Herald he stood in the castle hall,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Seneschal, warder, and page, were there;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he read his citation fair and free,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a baritone voice that went up to G,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As loudly as he could bawl.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he cleared his throat, and he pushed back his hair</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With a negligent, nonchalant, jaunty air;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As though he would ask of the bystanding “parties,”—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Pri’thee what do ye think of <i>me</i>, my hearties?”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yolenta she smiled, and Yolenta she frowned,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And her delicate foot in a pet tapped the ground;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when she turned to the herald to greet him,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The flash of her eye seemed to say she could eat him;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Though their points curled up to the knees of his trews,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I’d have been sorry to stand in his shoes.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then she answered him shortly and sweetly,—</div> - <div class="verse indent2">“Ye’re a bold man, Sir Herald, I trow—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A bold and an insolent man, I ween;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">A scurrilous knave, I make mine avow;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But perhaps you may find that I’m not quite so green</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As your masters imagine. You’ve done it most featly</div> - <div class="verse indent4">This time I’ll allow;</div> - <div class="verse indent4">But it struck me just now,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When you entered my castle to kick up this row,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">You’d have fared quite as well if you’d journey’d on farther;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I’m afraid you’ve, young man, put your foot in it—<i>rather!</i>”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then she signed with her hand, and six mutes in black armour,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As by magic appeared, laid their lances in rest,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And directed their points to the herald’s bare breast,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A sight which it must be confessed might alarm a</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_61"></a>[61]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Brave man in those very unscrupulous days,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When a life more or less, was a mere bagatelle;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when sticking a porker, or stabbing a swell,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Were alike household duties—a singular phase</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In those “sweet” Middle Ages, on which such dependence is</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Placed by young ladies with “Puseyite” tendencies.</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Howe’er this may be,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Our herald felt he</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had no “call” to assist in this <i>felo de se</i>;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So straight fell on his knee,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And exclaimed, “Don’t you see,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Noble Countess Yolenta, this good jest at present</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is a great deal too pointed and sharp to be pleasant?</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I humbly beg pardon,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">So pray don’t be hard on</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A penitent cove, whose name’s printed this card on.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then he handed his pasteboard, gilt type, and a border,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stamped,</div> - </div> - -<div class="box"> -<p class="center gothic">DE RODON.<br /> -Heraldic work furnished to order.</p> -</div> - - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Yolenta she smiled, and Yolenta she frowned,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then light rang her laugh with its silvery sound.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Rise, valiant De Rodon,” she mockingly cried,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“And behold by what foemen your mettle’s been tried.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then each sable spearsman his vizor unclasps,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And six laughing girls with bright mischievous eyes,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Poke their fun at De Rodon, who’s mute with surprise</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And disgust, while Yolenta her riding wand grasps,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sharply switches the recreant kneeling before her,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And turns to depart,—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">When up with a start</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_62"></a>[62]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Springs De Rodon, and pallid with anger leans o’er her.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then hisses these words in her ear,—“Ere you smile</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or rejoice in your stratagem, listen awhile,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And learn that a herald discharging his duty</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is sacred; despite of your wealth, rank, and beauty,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For the stroke you have dealt me <span class="smcap">your fair hand is forfeit</span>;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By the axe of the headsman, ere many days, off it</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shall be hewn, and when next men to fury you goad on,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bear in mind the revenge of the herald De Rodon!”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Fytte ye Second</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When the weather is hazy, and not the least sign in</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The clouds of their showing a silvery lining;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When a bill’s coming due, and you’ve no chance of meeting it;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When old Harry’s to pay, and the pitch has no heat in it;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When you’re thinking of popping, and suddenly find</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That your inamorata’s not that way inclined;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When you’ve published a novel, and find it don’t sell;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When you rise from the wine cup, and don’t feel quite well;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When some six-feet-six monster, by jealousy led,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Suggests “satisfaction” or “punching your head;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When your wife’s taken cross, or the “olive-branch” sick;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When your wardrobe’s worn out, and your tailor wont “tick;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When your money’s all gone, and your creditors dun for it;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I think you’ll agree,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">That the best plan will be</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To (I speak in the language of slang) “cut and run for it.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus, then, reason’d Yolenta of Corteryke, but</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With this difference, she “ran” to avoid the “cut”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of all cuts “most unkindest” (bad grammar, you know,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When it’s written by Shakespeare no longer is so),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which De Rodon had promised her, <i>axe</i>-ing her hand,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a manner no woman of feeling could stand</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_63"></a>[63]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">With composure; so straightway Yolenta resolved</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To make herself scarce, which manœuvre involved</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Much domestic confusion; each man and each maid</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Requiring their wages, and board-wages, paid</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a month in advance; while the butler grew crusty</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As his oldest port wine; and fair Bettye cried “Must I</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Be the cause of this woe—from my dear mistress sever—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lose my place and my perquisites! which my endeavour</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has still been to draw mild. Well, I never did—never!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Then addressing the public at large) “Did <i>you</i> ever?”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">These arrangements concluded, Yolenta began</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Packing up—the last duty of travelling man—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">But the business of life</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To maid, widow, or wife,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Except Ida Pfeiffer, that wonder, who can</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With umbrella and tooth-brush, reach far Yucatan,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And, like Ariel, span</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The earth with a girdle, which some commentator</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On Shakespeare imagines must mean the Equator.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Well, she packed up her traps in a leathern valise,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which contained sundry stockings, a nice new ⸺, but he’s</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No gentleman, clearly, who’d Hobbs-like, the locks</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Endeavour to pick of <i>so</i> private a box.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, by way of disguise, Dame Yolenta decided</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Don’t be horrified, dear lady-readers, though I did</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Myself think it strange that my heroine chose</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To set out on her rambles attired in <i>such</i> clothes),</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For convenience of trav’lling, perhaps, to assume a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Man’s dress—not the epicene compromise, Bloomer,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the regular masculine <i>propria quæ maribus</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A male coat, a male waistcoat, <i>et ceteris paribus</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A gay cap and feather,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Unfit for bad weather,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A sword by her side, and a fine prancing horse,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which she sat, I’m afraid, not “aside” but “across;”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_64"></a>[64]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">With one groom to attend her—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Nought else to defend her—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like a “Young Lochinvar” of the feminine gender,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The ill-fated Yolenta rode off at a canter,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And became what the stockbrokers term “a levanter.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Now you’ll please to suppose,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">That she follow’d her nose,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A fine aquiline organ that proudly arose,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Filling just the right space</div> - <div class="verse indent10">On her bright sparkling face,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Excelling, as butterfly’s better than grub,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Those unlucky <i>“retroussés</i>” in <i>plain</i> English, “snub,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which men always pretend to, and often desire,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But never can really and truly admire;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">She followed her nose</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To (I blush to disclose</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For it does seem so forward; but then no one knows</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The whys and the wherefores, the <i>cons</i> and the <i>pros</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which decide other folks; in the fair sex our trust is</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Extreme; so we’ll strive not to do her injustice.)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For some reason unknown, then, she followed her nose</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To the camp of King Charles, in which Loridon chose</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To wear out his exile, and solace his woes,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By assisting that monarch to conquer his foes.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">It were long to relate</div> - <div class="verse indent10">All the evils that Fate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Seemed resolved to pour down on our heroine’s pate;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">How, on reaching the camp,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">She was told that a scamp</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of a <i>Do</i>uanier, at the last town she quitted,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Had, as usual, omitted</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To see that her passport was legally <i>visé’d</i>;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Although, when she handed his fees to him, he said</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_65"></a>[65]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">It was all right and proper,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And no one would stop her;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which was false, for it quickly appeared by the law</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the strong, she was somebody’s prisoner of war;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Next, for fear in her wrath she a breach of the peace</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Should commit, or attempt to assault the police,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">They disarmed her—laid hands on her watch, chain, and seal</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(All the very best gold, and the watch not much thicker</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Than a mod’rate sized turnip—no end of a ticker,)</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And hurried her off to the then Pentonville</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Model Prison, to wait, all forlorn and alone,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And to “carve her name on the Newgate stone,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till this terrible somebody’s pleasure was known.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The unpleasant unknown was one Giles de Laval,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A marshal of France, and a very great “pal”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">(Or paladin rather), of King Charles <i>le Beau</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">(Or “<i>le Gros</i>,” or “<i>le Sot</i>,”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Which, I really don’t know;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But ’twas one of the three, for there’s no nation showers</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Such peculiar nicknames on its “governing powers”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As our trusty ally Monsieur Johnny Crapaud,)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This same Giles de Laval, then, who ruled the French host,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the roast, and the coast, made the most of his post;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Dealt just as he chose</div> - <div class="verse indent10">With his friends and his foes,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And was as autocratic, and nearly as fickle as,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That bugbear of Europe, a certain Czar Nicholas—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This identical Giles, for some reason he had,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Seemed resolved that Yolenta should “go to the bad:”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">(He possessed such sharp eyes</div> - <div class="verse indent10">They pierced through her disguise</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At first sight, to her terror, and shame, and surprise),</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_66"></a>[66]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">So he scolded her well, wouldn’t hear her confessions,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But returned her, to answer for all her transgressions,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To Geraldus, in time for the next quarter sessions.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Unhappy Yolenta! Geraldus confined her</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In a dungeon, deep, damp, and unpleasant; behind her</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was a ring in the wall, and some rusty old chains,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And there lay in one corner a skull void of brains,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a horrid leg-bone stood upright in another,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which must once have belonged to “a man and a brother;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then a sturdy support, now a most “unreal mockery,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A relic suggestively placed there to shock her eye,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And bid her prepare for the doom that awaited her,—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">For her dinner they brought her,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Dry bread and cold water,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Wretched food, and by no means enlivening drink,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Whatever hydraulic George Cruikshank may think</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To the contrary,) then, lest they’d not aggravated her</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By this treatment, enough, the brutes next dissipated her</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Last agreeable illusion, a letter was given her,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Signed and sealed by some friendly (?) anonymous scrivener,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Short, not sweet, for the missive consisted of one</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Line, “<i>The Lord Lettelhausen’s no longer a son</i>,”—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">From which pleasant allusion,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">She reached the conclusion,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That, by some vicious dodge, which she could not discover,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">De Laval had “used up” and expended her lover.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Unhappy Yolenta! forsaken, heart-broken,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She drew from her bosom a cherished love-token;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A dark curling lock of her Loridon’s hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Fix’d her eyes on it, shed o’er it tears of despair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then devoured it with kisses, and dropp’d on her knees,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To implore with deep fervour that Heaven would please</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_67"></a>[67]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Pardon Loridon’s sins, forgive hers, and so let her</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Rejoin, and remain with, one whom she loved better</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Far than life; then o’ercome by conflicting emotions,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A fainting fit ended her tears and devotions.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">Alas! it is a cruel thing to die,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To leave these hopes and fears, these loves and hates,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For other, though it may be happier, fates;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To go we know not where, we know not why!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">To cease to be the thing that we have been,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To be perchance a higher, but a new,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To leave the few we love, the chosen few,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To quit for ever each familiar scene.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">To be perchance a lower, to be curst,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For God, who’s great and merciful, is just,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And we, alas! what are we, that we must</div> - <div class="verse indent2">By right partake the best, escape the worst?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">It <i>is</i> a very bitter thing to die!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To some it is a bitter thing to live!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Patience and faith alone can comfort give,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Patience and faith—the rainbows in the sky.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Ye Last Scene of All.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">Gaping and yawning,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Their feather-beds scorning,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All the burghers of Ghent rose betimes in the morning,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">For a “shocking event”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Was to take place in Ghent,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the public delighted in hangings and quarterings,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mutilations and tortures, and such kind of slaughterings,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_68"></a>[68]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Just as much as an Anglican crowd in the present day,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Think attending the “Manning” <i>finale</i> a pleasant day;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">So extremely they bustled,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Pushed, jostled, and hustled,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Climbed up lamp-posts, (there were none!) on each rising ground</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stood to view the procession, as slowly it wound</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Its way to the cathedral, where, at the high altar</div> - <div class="verse indent10">The condemned was “<i>pro se</i>”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To appear, or else be</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Declared recusant, most contumacious, defaulter,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Et cetera, et cetera, in fact, all the “bosh”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the law could devise, horrid stuff which wont wash,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And yet seems to last pretty well through all ages,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Keeps solicitors going, and provides their clerks wages.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas a splendid and beautiful pageant, that same;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">First a body of archers and shield-bearers came;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then some dear little choristers, dressed all in white,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who each carried a <i>chandelle bénie</i>, or “child’s light,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which, being blessed by the Pope, it appears to my thick head,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Must, in spite of its wick, have no longer been <i>wick</i>ed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Next came Abbot Geraldus, profusely ornate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With mitre, and crosier, and garments of state;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then the Herald de Rodon, in great exultation,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Highly pleased with himself, and the whole “situation;”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Then a servitor, bearing</div> - <div class="verse indent10">A big candle, flaring</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Up like mad, and creating a vast cloud of vapour,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or smoke, (which affair was a “penitent taper,”)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On a silver “<i>Lavabo</i>,” a word which they say,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In middle-age Latin, means simply a tray;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And after this penitent candle there came</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Our penitent heroine, looking the same,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And feeling—however, I’ll leave you to guess</div> - <div class="verse indent0">How the poor thing would feel in so cruel a mess.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_69"></a>[69]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Then came something of which the description we’d best give</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is, like Tennyson’s rhymes, it was “sweetly suggestive”—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A large shield, in the centre whereof was depicted</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A hand lately severed,—the artist, addicted</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(’Twas De Rodon himself) to pre-Raphaelite rules,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had made the wrist “<i>sanglant</i>” with drops from it “<i>gules</i>.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then directly behind this agreeable affair</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Came the city “Jack Ketch” with his horrid axe bare!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then more spearmen; and then rushed the crowd out of breath,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With their eagerness all to be in at the death.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent14">Her eyes dim with despair,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">All dishevelled her hair,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the fair “<span class="smcap">forfeit hand</span>” with its rounded arm bare,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With brow madly throbbing, and footsteps that falter,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The wretched Yolenta is led to the altar;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">While De Rodon proclaims,</div> - <div class="verse indent14">By his titles and names,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the Lord Lettelhausen, Grand Seigneur, and Knight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of some half-dozen orders, demands as his right</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The forfeited hand of the culprit Yolenta.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then Geraldus replies, “By the general consent, a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Demand thus in accordance with justice and law</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is granted. Let Lord Lettelhausen now draw</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Near the altar, and take, by the Church’s command,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As his right and possession, the <span class="smcap">forfeited hand</span>!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">A stalwart arm is round her thrown,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Fondly the forfeit hand is pressed;</div> - <div class="verse indent10">No more forsaken and alone,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">She sinks upon a manly breast.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">At length the evil days are past—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Her griefs, her trials, all are over,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Long wept, long sought, regained at last,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">’Tis Loridon, her own true lover.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_70"></a>[70]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Whose Papa having very obligingly done</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The genteel thing, in dying exactly when one</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Would have wished him, by that means enabled his son</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To step into his shoes, just in time to disk<i>i</i>ver a</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mode of enacting the gallant deliverer;</div> - <div class="verse indent14">As we’ve tried to rehearse</div> - <div class="verse indent14">For your pleasure in verse,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If we’ve happened to fail,—and too clearly you know it,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bear in mind that we never set up for a Poet.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Frank E. S.</span></p> - -<div class="footnotes"> - -<h3>FOOTNOTES</h3> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a id="Footnote_8" href="#FNanchor_8" class="label">[8]</a> The facts (?) of this Legend are taken, by poetical licence, from -“Legends of the Rhine,” by the author of “Highways and Byways.”</p> - -</div> - -</div> - -<div class="figcenter illowp100" id="illus5" style="max-width: 43.75em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus5.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">THE FORFEIT HAND.</span>—<a href="#Page_60">p. 60.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_71"></a>[71]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="SIR_RUPERT_THE_RED">SIR RUPERT THE RED.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Rupert the Red was as gallant a knight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As ever did battle for wrong or for right,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As ever resented the slightest slight,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Or broke an antagonist’s head.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Full tall was his stature, full stalwart his frame,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Full red was his hair, his beard was the same,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mustachios and whiskers—whence his name,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His name of Sir Rupert the Red.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Rupert he lived in a castle old,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Residence meet for a baron bold:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Thick were its walls, and dark and cold</div> - <div class="verse indent4">The swift Rhine ran below them.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Full handy to Rupert the Red was the Rhine:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Rich travellers passing were asked to dine,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when he’d sufficiently hocussed their wine,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Why—into its waters he’d throw them!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But stories will spread, howe’er you may try</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To stifle Dame Rumour—and so, by-and-bye,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He found himself shunned by all far and nigh;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when asked to dinner, each neighbour fought shy.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The bell ne’er was rung, and no stranger implored</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The porter to run up, and question his lord</div> - <div class="verse indent0">If he kindly would grant a night’s shelter and board?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No priest on Sir Rupert’s head called down a benison,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No acquaintance sent presents of black-cock and venison.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While his former bad temper began to grow worse,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He would mutter and fidget—nay, stamp, foam, and curse;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_72"></a>[72]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">But his feelings I’ll try to describe in the verse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Most used by our Alfred—not Bunn though, but Tennyson.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Very early in the morning would he, tumbling out of bed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mow his chin with wretched razor, mow and hack it till it bled;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then he’d curse the harmless cutler, heap upon him curses deep—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Curse him in his hour of waking, doubly curse him in his sleep—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Saying, “Mechi! O my Mechi! O my Mechi, mine no more,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whither’s fled that brilliant sharpness which thy razors had of yore,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere thou quittedst Leadenhall-street, quittedst it with many a qualm—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere thou soughtest rustic Tiptree, Tiptree and its model farm?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a morning, by the mirror, did I pass thee o’er my beard,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And my chin grew smooth beneath thee, of its hairy harvest cleared;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many an evening have I drawn thee ’cross the throats of wretched Jews,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When they, trembling, showed their purses, stuffed for safety in their shoes.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But, like mine, thy day is over—thou art blunt and I’m disgraced!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Curses on thy maker’s projects, curses on his ‘magic paste.’”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus he grumbled all day, from morning till night—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No person could please him, no conduct was right—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till his very retainers grew furious quite,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And determined to quit his service.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For much afflicted was Seneschal Hans;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the groom from York told the cook from France</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“He warn’t going to be led such a precious dance</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In a house turned topsy-turvies.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">Oh, “the castled crag of Drachenfels,”</div> - <div class="verse indent6">With its slippery sides and flowery dells,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Is a very romantic sight for “swells”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Who leave the squares of Belgravia,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_73"></a>[73]</span> - <div class="verse indent6">And during the autumn visit the Rhine,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">With courier hirsute and footman fine,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Who are both eternally drinking wine,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Though the last “don’t like the flaviour.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">But Drachenfels was a different sight</div> - <div class="verse indent6">On a dark, tempestuous winter’s night;</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Then below it the river was foaming white,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">And above it the storm-fiend strode:</div> - <div class="verse indent6">On such a night, from his own red room,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Sir Rupert looked out athwart the gloom</div> - <div class="verse indent6">To see what might “in the future loom,”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Or be coming up the road.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He strained his weary eye-balls, but well was he repaid</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To see a troop of travellers advancing up the glade.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Flanked round with equerries and guards, a wealthy host they seemed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Sir Rupert’s heart grew lighter, and his eye more brightly beamed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For many a day had passed away since he a prize had won,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And no hand had touched his bell save that of poursuivant or dun.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent6">“Now haste ye,” he cried, “throw open the gate,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And let the drawbridge fall;”</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Then three little pages, with hair combed straight,</div> - <div class="verse indent6">Who ever upon Sir Rupert wait,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Ran off to the warden tall.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">The drawbridge falls, and the company cross,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In number say fifty, <i>i. e.</i>, man and horse.</div> - <div class="verse indent2">First comes a gay herald, all silver and blue,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And then men in armour, who ride two and two;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Not such Guys as are seen on the ninth of November,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">But your regular middle-age troopers, remember.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_74"></a>[74]</span> - <div class="verse indent10">By the way, this last rhyme</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Appertains to a time</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Much thought of in childhood, by schoolboys called “prime,”</div> - <div class="verse indent10">When young Hopeful’s small pockets</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Are emptied for rockets,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And eyebrows are burnt, and arms torn out of sockets—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When you’re begged (and the tyrants take care you do not)</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ne’er to cease to remember the Gunpowder-plot.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The herald stept forth, and he made a low bow—</div> - <div class="verse indent10">If you’ve seen Mr. Payne</div> - <div class="verse indent10">At old Drury Lane,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the opening part of a grand Christmas pantomime,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Do tricks, to describe which my Muse fails for want o’ rhyme—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Please to fancy my herald does just the same now;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his trumpet he blows, and his throat well he clears,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he twists his mustachios right up to his ears,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Looks, as usual with speakers, in dreadful distress,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And thus to Sir Rupert begins his address.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent10">“Sir Rupert the Red,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">To you I have sped</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From a dame with whose brother you’ve conquered and bled,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who, benighted by chance in this dismal locality,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has ventured to ask for a night’s hospitality.</div> - <div class="verse indent10">No refusal I fear</div> - <div class="verse indent10">When her name you once hear;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Therefore learn that the dame for whom shelter I crave,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is Margaret, the sister of Blutwurst the Brave!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent4">Thus spake the gay herald. Sir Rupert replied,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“’Tis well known that my castle is never denied</div> - <div class="verse indent4">To pilgrims of all countries, nations, and hues,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">From swaggering English to gold-lending Jews;</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_75"></a>[75]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">How great, then, my joy ’neath my roof to receive</div> - <div class="verse indent12">The sister of one</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Whom I loved as a son,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For whose tragical end I have ne’er ceased to grieve.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus much to the herald. Then, turning, he said,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Off, Wilhelm, at once, let the banquet be spread;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bring up some Moselles and some red Assmanshausers.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Fritz, lay out my doublet and new Paris trousers,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Tell Gretchen to hasten and clear out the bedroom</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The lady will sleep in—let’s see—<i>not</i> the red room.</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To put her in there</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Is more than I dare;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So where shall she go, in the purple or blue?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh, give her the next room to mine, number two—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Tell Eugéne to serve his best sauces and stews,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And take care that, as soon as the cloth is removed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Old Max, of whose singing I oft have approved,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Comes up with his harp—he will serve to amuse.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">The banquet is spread—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">At his table’s head,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Decked out in gay garments, sits Rupert the Red;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And close on his right</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Is the queen of the night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Fair Marg’ret, whose beauty’s completely a sight</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For a father,—aye, even for “Pater-familias,”—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Who of all slow papas is the veriest silly ass;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Blue are her eyes as the clear vault of heaven,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pale her smooth brow, though some rose-bud has given</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Its loveliest tint to that soft cheek and lip,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which ’twere worth a king’s ransom once only to sip;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the net-work of curls in her bonny brown hair</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has entangled a sun-beam and prisoned it there.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_76"></a>[76]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And Sir Rupert admired her, and flattered, and laughed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his ardour grew warmer the deeper he quaffed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He touched her fair fingers whene’er he was able,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And in error pressed warmly the leg of the table;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till Rudolf von Gansen, a merry young spark</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Who was given to hoaxing and “having a lark,”</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Addicted to laughing,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And humour called “chaffing,”</div> - <div class="verse indent4">And dining, and wine-ing, and e’en half-and-half-ing,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And gambling, and vices called “having your fling”),</div> - <div class="verse indent4">Exclaimed to Hans König (in English, Jack King),</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“By Jove, Hans, the gov’nor’s hit under the wing!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent2">“Now come hither, old Max,” Sir Rupert cried,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">“And sing us a merry song,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Or tell us of Siegfried’s blooming bride,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Or the priest who was plunged in the Rhine’s cold tide</div> - <div class="verse indent2">For indulging his wishes wrong.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The old man sung a sentimental strain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A song of love, its wishes, hopes, and fears;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And while he sung his colour came again,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His eye blazed brightly as in former years,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When it was quickly kindled by disdain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Nor dimmed, as often now, by bitter tears.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">These very words, with true poetic fire,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He once for glory sung, but now for hire!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And, while he sings, they vanish from his sight,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The knights, the ladies gay, the very room!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Once more a youth, with eyes and prospects bright,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">He sings to her, now mould’ring in the tomb,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere Age and Poverty’s overwhelming blight</div> - <div class="verse indent2">From Life’s first blushing flowers had robbed the bloom.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sweet season, long expected, quickly past,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In youth Love’s fire too fiercely burns to last!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_77"></a>[77]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The minstrel’s song was no sooner done,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Than ’twas plain that his lay had extinguished the fun,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And yawning fearfully, one by one,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">They vanished knights and ladies.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The lights were put out, not a single “glim”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shed its ray o’er the walls of that castle grim;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the banqueting hall was soon as dim</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As ’tis said to be in Hades.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">My story thus forward, I now must relate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Some previous details concerning the fate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of that famous young hero, Sir Blutwurst the Great,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">Of whom I’ve just made mention—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And so, to prevent the smallest mystery,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or the thread of my story from getting a twist awry,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To his death, which took place ere the date of my history,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">I must call my readers’ attention.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Blutwurst and Rupert were two pretty men</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As ever were sketched by pencil or pen—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Together they’d hunt, shoot, fish, frolic, and gamble,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In short, to dispense with a longer preamble,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">They so loved each other,</div> - <div class="verse indent10">That Corsican Brother,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or Damon, or Pythias, or Siamese twin,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ne’er cared for his friend, or his kith or his kin,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As did Blutwurst for Rupert: they ne’er knew division,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But were like Box and Cox in a German edition.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mr. Coleridge says, “Truth, that exists in the young,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Too often is killed by a whispering tongue;”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And this proved the case between Blutwurst and Rupert.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The former, perhaps, in his language was too pert;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For having committed some irregularities,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_78"></a>[78]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Which <i>he</i> called “peccadilloes,” but others “barbarities,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Rupert declined to subscribe to some charities</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which Blutwurst advised as a species of “hedge.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then the latter blazed out;—the “thin end of the wedge”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Being thus once inserted, the matter grew serious.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Each spake words of high disdain</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And insult to his heart’s best brother—</div> - <div class="verse indent8">“Just repeat those words again!”</div> - <div class="verse indent8">“You’re a scoundrel!” “You’re another!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With curses and oaths, to repeat which would weary us,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till from furious words they proceeded to blows.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who first drew his rapier nobody knows;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But Hans, the old seneschal, sitting down stairs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Heard a shriek, then a plunge in the river, he swears;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And going up found Rupert, all haggard and wan,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who stated that Blutwurst had started for Bonn,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And requested that thither his bag be sent on.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">This story gained ground,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Till the body was found</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A great distance off—in fact, down at Dusseldorf,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Whence the horrified finder all hurriedly bustled off</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To tell Blutwurst’s parents the terrible news.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A coroner’s inquest was held on the body,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Where, after much talking and more Hollands toddy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Much anger, much squabbling, and dreadful abuse,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They found that, “returning home, muddled with wine,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The deceased had been murdered and flung in the Rhine,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By some persons unknown, with malicious design!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To Rupert no blame e’er attached in the matter;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Poor Blutwurst was called mad, “as mad as a hatter,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">For drinking so much as to fall from his perch.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And now, if you please, we’ll return to the castle,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Where I think we shall find that, fatigued by the wassail,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With two small exceptions, each master and vassal</div> - <div class="verse indent2">May safely be reckoned as “fast as a church.”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_79"></a>[79]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Fair Margaret sits at her toilette-glass,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And rests her head on her snow-white hand;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Through her throbbing brain what visions pass,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As over her shoulders there falls a mass</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of curls, ne’er touched by the crimping brand;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She thinks of Sir Rupert’s attentions that night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And of them, too, she thinks less with pleasure than fright;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">For his great leering eyes</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Seem before her to rise,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And she looks o’er her shoulder, and shivers and sighs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For the room is so large, and the pictures so grim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the wind howls so loud, and her light burns so dim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And she sees in the mirror, not herself, but <i>him</i>.</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Yes! he kneels at her side;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Says he wont be denied;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And calls her “his dear little duck of a bride!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His utt’rance is thick, his cravat is untied,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And his face is as red as a new Murray’s Guide;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His gait is unsteady, his manner so rude,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">It’s plain to perceive that Sir Rupert is “screwed.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But he touches his heart, and he turns up his eyes,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And by language and gesture most earnestly tries</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To convince her that ne’er from his knees will he rise,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till to wed on the morrow she freely complies.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent8">If you’ve seen Mrs. Kean</div> - <div class="verse indent8">In that excellent scene</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which she with Mr. Wigan so forcibly plays,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In Bourcicault’s comedy, “Love in a Maze,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When her scorn for her tempter, her love for her spouse,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In language theatrical, “bring down the house,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You can fancy how Margaret, deeply enraged,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And backed up by the feeling that she was engaged</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To Otto Von Rosen, the dearest of men,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Rejected Sir Rupert at once, there and then.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_80"></a>[80]</span> - <div class="verse indent8">In vain he implored,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Declared himself “floored.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Wept by turns and entreated, then ranted and roared;</div> - <div class="verse indent8">She still was disdainful,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">And said “it was painful</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To witness the friend of her brother so lowered.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till, maddened with fury, he seized her, and said—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Be mine, or thou’rt numbered this night with the dead.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No maiden has yet refused Rupert the Red!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">That instant there rang through the castle a shriek—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Compared with which e’en Madame Celeste’s are weak—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The chamber-doors fell with a terrible crash,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And with, under his left arm, a yet gory gash—</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Come forth from his grave,</div> - <div class="verse indent8">Stood Blutwurst the brave,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who’d arrived just in time his poor sister to save.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sir Rupert gazed at him a second or more,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Made one strong exclamation, then sunk on the floor.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">From every side a swarming tide of vassals pour amain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, struggling with each other, the fatal room they gain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And quickly entering, they find fair Margaret in a swoon,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They cut the lace that holds her ⸺, base must be the man who’d own</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That such a garment now exists; with water from Cologne</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They sprinkle her, and she revives, and sweetly smiles once more,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And points to what appears a heap of ashes on the floor!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_81"></a>[81]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Alas! ’twas so; the gallant knight, the former “man of mark,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Is fitted now for nought but dust for Stapleton or Darke;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All shrivelled into nothingness, a horrid mass he lay,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His projects vanished into smoke, himself a yard of clay!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And never from that hour has anything been seen,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Except the ruin pointed out to Robinson or Green,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That e’er pertained to him of all the Rhenish clans the head,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To him, the hero of my song, Sir Rupert called the Red.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. Y.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter illowp48" id="illus6" style="max-width: 28.125em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus6.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">SIR RUPERT THE RED</span>—<a href="#Page_79">p. 79.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_82"></a>[82]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="COUNT_LOUIS_OF_TOULOUSE">COUNT LOUIS OF TOULOUSE.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When Henri Quatre ruled in France there was a gay young knight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The loudest in the banquet-hall, the foremost in the fight.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No dame, howe’er fatigued, to tread a measure could refuse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When she heard the silver accents of Count Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But not only to a dance would these gentle tones invite,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But to “measures” of more dangerous kind, confounding wrong with right.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Won over by his sophistry, what conscience could accuse?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But the dread of every husband was Count Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The man above all others who the direst hate did feel</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was the husband of fair Eleanor, the Marquis de St. Lille;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And he vowed the deepest vengeance when he heard the dreadful news</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That his wife had found a lover in Count Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He called his spies around him, caused her movements to be tracked,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, listening, heard sufficient to convince him of the fact.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then he quietly retired, and determined to infuse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Some poison in the claret of Count Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Next evening, as the Marchioness was waiting in her bower,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The clocks of all the churches round pealed forth the usual hour.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She began to grow impatient, murmur, and at length abuse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The extreme unpunctuality of Louis of Toulouse.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_83"></a>[83]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But when two servants entered, who between them bore a box,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She was half afraid that something else had struck besides the clocks;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when the men retired, she still thinking it a <i>ruse</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Raised up the lid and found the corpse of Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Without a word, without a shriek, she fell upon the ground,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The maidens hast’ning to her aid, a lifeless body found.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So, young gentlemen, take warning, and ne’er yourselves amuse</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By attempting fascinations like Count Louis of Toulouse.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. Y.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_84"></a>[84]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ANNIE_LYLE">ANNIE LYLE.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">No longer you smile</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At my jokes, which a month since enjoyed such prosperity;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Howe’er I behave,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Your face is quite grave,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And your darling red lips speak unwonted severity.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">It may do for a while,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This on-ing and off-ing, repulsing and wooing:</div> - <div class="verse indent12">But beware of the hour</div> - <div class="verse indent12">When, escaped from your power,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No longer I seek you, beseeching and suing.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">With your glance <i>espiègle</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">You quickly inveigle</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A freshman from Oxford, a youth in the Guards;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">But enough of Love’s strife</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I have seen in my life</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To furnish good subjects for hundreds of bards.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">You take a great pride</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To see at your side</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A lord, and upon him how sweetly you smile;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Now I set forth no riddle,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I <i>will</i> play “first fiddle,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So take warning at once, Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_85"></a>[85]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">How stately and grand</div> - <div class="verse indent12">You parade by the band</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which each Friday in Kensington Gardens entrances!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Dressed in <i>mousseline-de-laine</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">What transports you feign,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And how skilfully use you your battery of glances!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Then how pleased are the “swells,”</div> - <div class="verse indent12">How jealous the belles,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At least, so your vanity prompts you to reckon;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">And ogling and smiling,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Poor victims beguiling,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You whisper and conquer, flirt, flatter, and beckon.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">It rouses my bile</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To see one so lovely descend to such tricks:</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Such flirting’s below you—</div> - <div class="verse indent12">To people who know you</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All feeling it beats, or what Yankees call “licks.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent12">What! tears in those eyes!</div> - <div class="verse indent12">Are those genuine sighs?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then once more I’m your slave—change that sob to a smile;</div> - <div class="verse indent12">My lecture is o’er,</div> - <div class="verse indent12">I’m your own, as before,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So come to my arms, Annie Lyle, Annie Lyle.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. Y.</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_86"></a>[86]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="JACK_RASPERS_WAGER">JACK RASPER’S WAGER;<br /> -<span class="smaller">OR, “NE SUTOR ULTRA CREPIDAM.”</span></h2> - -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Introduction.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">If I have dared again to wake the lyre</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of him whose hand shall sweep no more the strings—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That great enchanter, at whose funeral pyre</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Laughter and Grief stood each with drooping wings</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And head dejected (him, whose “Bridge of Sighs”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And “Number One” drew teardrops from the eyes</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of Mirth and Sadness), I trust you’ll have mercy,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And that, kind Reader, you will not ejaculate</div> - <div class="verse indent12">“Oh, ah!” or “Pooh!”</div> - <div class="verse indent12">“This never <i>will</i> do!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“<i>Je trouve que ces vers soient bien ennuyeux!</i>”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Dull, flat, quite a failure!” “Contemptible stuff!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“What’s the name of the author? I pity the muff!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And such-like expressions upon my poor versicles,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">which even I don’t consider immaculate!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">No! like any poor cousin who lives with a rich one</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As companion or governess, awful condition!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I think I may say that, “I know my position.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And since I can’t hope to be first in the race</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I must e’en be content to put up with the place</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which Report to the “little boat” says was assigned,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In some nameless aquatics, <i>i. e.</i> “far behind.”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_87"></a>[87]</span></p> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Ye Storye.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Mr. and Mrs. Theophilus Browne</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had a house in a newly-built suburb of town,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">“Twelve good rooms and an attic.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mr. Browne had a share in a City bank,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But when at home “the shop” he sank,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And assuming the airs of a person of rank,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Was quite aristocratic.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Invitations to dinner he oft obtained,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Showers of cards upon him rained,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">For party and picnic pleasant;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Indeed, ’twas his constant pride and boast</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That his name once appeared in the “Morning Post,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(Which he took each day with his tea and toast,)</div> - <div class="verse indent2">As “amongst the company present.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">But as never was rose without a thorn,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So surely was mortal never born</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To a life without vexation;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And some bachelor chums of our friend Mr. B.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had a habit of “dropping in to tea,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And merely saying, “We’ve made so free,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Would create quite a consternation.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">For they reeked of tobacco, that dreadful herb,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which will ever a lady’s nerves disturb,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">E’en the mildest of mild Havannah;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when with their cabman they came to arrange,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They never appeared to have any change</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To settle his fare, but in language strange</div> - <div class="verse indent2">They borrowed “two bob and a tanner.”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_88"></a>[88]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">We need not say that poor Mrs. Browne</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had a hate of these rollicking men about town,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of which she made no mystery;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But surely her bitterness and spite</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Were never wrought up to such a height</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As upon the very eventful night</div> - <div class="verse indent2">When we commence our history.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The servants had all retired to rest,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The worthy couple, in <i>deshabille</i> dressed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Had just finished their nightly refection,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When a thundering double knock at the door,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Caused Mrs. Browne to exclaim, “Oh Lor!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While her husband added to “what a bore”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">An ungodly interjection.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, seizing a light, he ran down stairs,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Growling like one of the grisly bears</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In the Gardens Zoological</div> - <div class="verse indent0">(That lately were cured with such skill and tact,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of an overflowing cataract,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Under chloroform, an astonishing fact,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Which a very artful dodge-I-call).</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He opened the door in a furious rage,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Nor did it his passion at all assuage</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To see his old friend, Jack Rasper,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Jack Rasper, the fastest man in town,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who never would go when he once sat down,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who mimicked all actors of renown,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And could row with Coombes or Clasper.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">His intimates called him “an out-and-out brick,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A fellow who at nothing would stick,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And a first-rate judge of malt, sir.”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_89"></a>[89]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Nay, the ladies themselves, who are clearly the best</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To decide on such matters, had often confessed.—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Mr. Rasper, besides being very well dressed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Was an excellent <i>deux-temps</i> waltzer.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Darting past the unhappy Browne,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At the foot of the stairs he sat himself down,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And laughed like the clown in a pantomime;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then jumping up, he made a grimace</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Might have rivalled e’en Mr. Grimaldi’s face,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To describe the which with sufficient grace</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Quite baffles my Muse for want-o’-rhyme.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Browne,” he began, “I’m come to sup.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I suppose I may. Walk up, walk up,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And observe the living lions;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The thickly-coated armadillo,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Brought from furrin’ parts beyond the billow</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By Don Alphonso de Padrillo,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">That ornament of science!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“But, joking apart, Browne, how’s your wife?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Not annoyed, I hope; to cause any strife</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Would give me infinite sorrow.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then springing up stairs with a loud “Ha! ha!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He thrust his head through the door ajar,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And greeted the lady with “Here we are,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And “How d’ye do to-morrow.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Mrs. Browne received him with looks so black</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That he felt himself quite taken aback,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And received what he called “a staggerer.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Indeed, as he told his friends next night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“He soon saw that fowl would never fight,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">So he instantly came the dodge polite,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And entirely dropped the swaggerer!”</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_90"></a>[90]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then changing his tone, “Mrs. Browne, to you</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I am sure,” said he, “I ought to sue</div> - <div class="verse indent2">In terms most apologetic.”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But not a whit the angry dame</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was soothed, her expression remained the same,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Jack thought he’d best go, the way he came,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Like a well-bred dog, prophetic.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He tried again, “If you remember,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">We went together, last September,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To see the Hippopotamus,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And how, in the crowd, when you dropped those loves</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of delicate tinted primrose gloves,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As I hunted about with kicks and shoves,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Do you recollect who brought ’em us?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Lord Augustus Aype, that <i>cheválièr preûx</i>,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who was evidently struck with you,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">For he said, in a whisper audible,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">‘Rasper, who is that splendid creature?’”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Mrs. Browne relaxed in every feature,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For she thought—alas! poor human nature!—</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Each act of a Lord was <i>laud-able</i>.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Jack continued, “’Twas only yesterday,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At dinner, I heard his lordship say</div> - <div class="verse indent2">He should ne’er forget the circumstance;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He has met you since, at a public ball,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Or at Albert Smith’s—the Egyptian Hall!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You shake your head! what! not at all?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Yes, yes! ’twas at the Kirkham’s dance!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Here Browne come frowningly in, but smiled,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When he found his wife seemed nothing riled,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And begged his guest to be seated:</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_91"></a>[91]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And looking at Mrs. Browne askance,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Received in return a conjugal glance,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which showed, “<i>sans doûte</i>,” as they say in France,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">She wished Jack civilly treated.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">So he bustled about, and soon laid out</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A cold chicken, some ham, a bottle of stout,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">With ale of Bass’s brewing.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And when these were dispatched by the modest youth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Placed a flask on the board, which, to tell the truth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Had on it the name of “Sir Felix Booth,”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">But which Jack pronounced “blue ruin.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Jack plied at the spirit, and soon began</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To play so well the agreeable man,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The retailer of jokes and scandal,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That good Mrs. Browne grew quite elate;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Browne, though he muttered, “It’s rather late,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Replenished the fire, and swept up the grate,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And trimmed the Palmer’s candle.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Thus went the talk,—“Poor Lady Flashe</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has eloped with Captain Sabretasche;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">They bolted from Baden-Baden,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While Sir Anthony Flashe their flight ne’er checked,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">As it on his rheumatics had no effect;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Like the Jews of old, since he’s grown ‘stiffnecked,’</div> - <div class="verse indent2">His heart has begun to harden.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“But I heard last night from Lord De Vere,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From Boulogne who has just come over here,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The most wonderful adventure;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For his Lordship last season received a ‘call,’—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Not such as those folks who at Exeter Hall</div> - <div class="verse indent0">About Popery wrangle, his was all</div> - <div class="verse indent2">About railway scrip and debenture.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_92"></a>[92]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“He said, one night that, homeward walking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There were two men before him, talking,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Whose words caught his instant attention,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For he heard one say, as he drew more near,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">‘I’ll cut his throat from ear to ear</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And send his soul to ⸺’ a place which here</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I really don’t like to mention.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Shocked at these words, though somewhat alarmed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">His Lordship his noble heart soon calmed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And set his nerves firm as rockstone,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then followed the men up a street so lone</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And dark that,”—here Mrs. Browne gave a groan,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While Browne looked the picture of fright, as shown</div> - <div class="verse indent2">So well by Keeley and Buckstone.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Narrowly eyeing them, Jack continued,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“The hands of these men so iron-sinewed,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Were red as the cover of ‘Murray,’</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And in these hands they carried sticks</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of the pattern and size with which Mr. Hicks</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All at once, single-handed, so easily licks</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Ten land-sharks at the Surrey.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“These horrible ruffians, as more near</div> - <div class="verse indent0">They approached, caught sight of Lord De Vere,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And seized him, pale and shrinking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And as him on the ground they threw</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yelled out⸺</div> - <div class="verse indent14">By Jove! it’s half-past two,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I’ve kept you up till all is blue,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">I’ll run away like winkin’.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, while with open mouth and eyes</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The pair sat speechless with surprise,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Jack vanished quick as thought is,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_93"></a>[93]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">And as the stairs he darted down,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Called out, “My wager, Browne, I’ve won,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Twas that here I’d sup; and you’re fairly done</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Of ham, chicken, and aquafortis!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“My boasted acquaintance with Lord De Vere,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The tale of the street so dark and drear,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Was all improvisatoré!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You would <i>pardon</i> a lord, though a church he should rob,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yet <i>hang</i> what T. P. Cooke would call ‘a poor swab,’</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And you’re nothing at best but a tuft-hunting snob,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">So I’ll ‘leave you alone in your glory.’”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Ye Moralle.</span></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When once you are wed, bid a friendly adieu</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To all bachelor chums, or keep just one or two,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And be sure they’re not fast men, but moral and true;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And in order that Rasper-like insults you may shun,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Don’t talk about lords upon every occasion,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But, like clerks at a terminus, <i>keep in your station</i>.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">E. H. Y.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter illowp100" id="illus7" style="max-width: 43.75em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus7.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">JACK RASPER’S WAGER.</span>—<a href="#Page_92">p. 92.</a></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_94"></a>[94]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_OVERFLOWINGS">THE OVERFLOWINGS OF THE LATE -PELLUCID RIVERS, <span class="smcap">Esq.</span></h2> - -<p class="center"><span class="gothic">Edited by Edmund H. Yates.</span></p> - -</div> - -<p>In submitting to the public some of the productions of my -lamented friend Rivers, I think it right to endeavour to sketch -some faint outline of the career of their illustrious author. “The -world knows nothing of its greatest men,” says Philip Van -Artevelde, and its general ignorance of Rivers clearly proves the -truth of the remark.</p> - -<p>Born of poor but respectable parents, in the parish of St. Pancras, -at an early age Rivers evinced symptoms of that poetic talent -which, in later life, made him so renowned—I mean, which would -have made him so renowned, had he not been crushed by the -wretched blindness and illiberality of the publishers of the metropolis. -He could not have been more than five years of age when -he first burst forth in metrical numbers; it was at the family -dinner-table, when, pointing first to the smoking joint, then to the -domestic implement by which he was conveying a portion of it to -his mouth, he exclaimed—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Pork!</div> - <div class="verse indent1">Fork!”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">A moment after, indicating the beer jug, his juvenile “poet’s eye, -in a fine frenzy rolling,” he continued, “chalk!” His meaning on -this point was vague, but it is generally considered he implied that -the liquid was not paid for at the time, but was chalked up behind -the door to the family account—a custom prevalent, I have ascertained, -in many parts of the United Kingdom. From that period -until his death he was constantly engaged in writing;—though his<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_95"></a>[95]</span> -name never appeared to any of his productions, they were most -extensively read; indeed, one of his minor poems—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Dearest maid, I thee do love;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">This my tender vows shall prove—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Little Cupid’s thrilling dart</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has found refuge in my heart,”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">has been considered so successful, that the publication of it is -annually revived, and the fourteenth of February, sacred to St. -Valentine, is the day usually chosen for its reappearance.</p> - -<p>For the last twenty years of his life, poor Rivers laboured under -severe fits of melancholy and depression, the cause of which he -long held secret. Shortly before his decease, however, he confided -to me the source of his grief. It was, that manuscripts which he -had forwarded on approval to various publishers, had been returned -as worthless, while a few months afterwards the same publishers -would send forth books of poems in which the most direct -plagiarisms from my poor friend’s productions would appear. He -made me solemnly pledge myself to see him righted in the opinion -of the world, and hence the publication of these papers.</p> - -<p>I regret exceedingly to be obliged to hold up to public odium -names which have hitherto stood so highly as those of Mr. A—f—d -T—ys—n and his publisher, Mr. M—x—n, but I defy any candid -reader to peruse the following vigorous and striking stanzas of my -poor friend’s, and then turn to that weak and rambling production, -“L—cks—y H—ll,” without perceiving which is the grand -original, which the mean and despicable parody!</p> - -<h4>VAUXHALL.</h4> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Cabman, stop thy jaded knacker; cabman, draw thy slackened rein;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Take this sixpence—do not grumble, swear not at Sir Richard Mayne!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_96"></a>[96]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis the place, and all around it, as of old, the cadgers bawl—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sparkling rockets, squibs and crackers, whizzing over gay Vauxhall.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Gay Vauxhall! that in the summer all the youth of town attracts,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Glittering with its lamps and fireworks, and its flashing cataracts.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a night in yonder gilded temple, ere I went to rest,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Did I look on great Von Joel, mimicking the feathered nest;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a night I saw Hernandez in a tinsel garb arrayed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With his odorif’rous ringlets tangled in a silver braid;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Here about the paths I wandered, chaffing, laughing all the time,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Laughing at the piebald clown, or listening to the minstrel’s rhyme;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When beneath the business-counter linendraper’s men reposed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When in calm and peaceful slumber, sharp maternal eyes are closed;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When I dipt into the pewter pot that held the foaming stout,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When I quaffed the burning punch, or wildly sipped the “cold without.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">In the spring a finer cambric’s wrapped around the lordling’s breast;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the spring the gent at Redmayne’s gets himself a Moses’ “vest;”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">In the spring we make investment in a white or lilac glove;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the spring my youthful fancy prompted me to fall in love.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then she danced through all the <i>ballet</i>, as a fairy blithe and young,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stood a tiptoe on a flow’ret or from clouds of pasteboard swung—</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_97"></a>[97]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And I said, “Miss Julia Belmont, speak, and speak the truth to me,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Wilt thou from this fairy region with a heart congenial flee?”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">On her lovely cheek and forehead came a blushing through her paint,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And she sank upon my bosom in the semblance of a faint;</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Then she turned, her voice was broken (so, if I must tell the truth,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Was her English—all I pardoned in the generous warmth of youth),</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Saying, “Pray excuse my feelings, nothing wrong, indeed, is meant,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Saying, “Will you be my loveyer?” weeping, “You are quite the gent.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Love took up the glass before me, filled it foaming to the brim,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Love changed every comic ballad to a sweet euphonious hymn!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a morning in the railway did we run to Richmond, Kew,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And her hunger cleared my pockets oft of shillings not a few!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Many an evening down at Greenwich did we eat the pleasant “bait,”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till I found my earnings going at a rather rapid rate.—</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh! Miss Belmont, fickle-hearted! Oh, Miss Belmont, known too late!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh, that horrid, horrid Richmond, oh, the cursed, cursed “bait.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Falser far than Lola Montes, falser e’en than Alice Gray,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Scorner of a faithful press-man, sharer of a tumbler’s pay!—</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Is it well to wish thee happy? having once loved <i>me</i>—to wed</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With a fool who gains his living by his heels and not his head!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_98"></a>[98]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">As the husband is, the wife is: thou art mated with a clown,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, pursuing his profession, he will strive to drag thee down.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">He will hold thee, in the winter, when his fooleries begin,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Something better than his wig, a little dearer than his gin.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">What is this? his legs are bending! think’st thou he is weary, faint?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Go to him, it is thy duty; kiss him, how he tastes of paint!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Am I mad, that I should cherish memories of the by-gone time?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Think of loving one whose husband fools it in a pantomime!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Never, though my mortal summers should be lengthened to the sum</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Granted to the aged Parr, or more illustrious Widdicomb—</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Comfort!—talk to me of comfort!—what is comfort here below?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lies it in iced drinks in summer, aquascutum coats in snow?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Think not thou wilt know its meaning, wait of all his vows the proof,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till the manager is sulky, and the rain pours through the roof:</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">See, his life he acts in dreams, while thou art staring in his face,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Listen to his hollow laughter, mark his effort at grimace!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Thou shalt hear “Hot Codlins” muttered in his vision-haunted sleep,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Thou shalt hear his feigned ecstatics, thou shalt hear his curses deep:</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Let them fall on gay Vauxhall, that scene to me of deepest woe,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But—the waiters are departing, and perhaps I’d better go!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>Such is the noble ballad of Vauxhall! but Rivers was master of -all styles. The following exquisite picture of the joys and sorrows -of modern domestic life presents an example of that happy blending<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_99"></a>[99]</span> -of the real and the romantic with which the head of Rivers -overflowed. The ballad of “Boreäna” has been kindly communicated -by my literary friend Frank Fairleigh, who knew, loved, -and admired Rivers as much as myself. After pointing out some -of the more subtle and mysterious beauties of this matchless lyric, -Fairleigh adds, “and yet after this, A—f—d T—ny—n had the -face to publish that bombastic, trashy ballad of “Oriana,” and -pretend it was original; where does that misguided man expect to -go to?”</p> - -<h4>THE BALLAD OF BOREÄNA.</h4> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">My brain is wearied with thy prate,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I sit and curse my hapless fate,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">What time the rain pours down the gutter,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Still your platitudes you utter,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I unholy wishes mutter,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere the night-light’s flame was fading,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the cats were serenading,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sheep were bleating, oxen lowing,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">We heard the beasts to Smithfield going,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You said the butcher’s bill was owing,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">At Cremorne, we two alone,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere my wisdom teeth were grown,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_100"></a>[100]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">While the dancers gaily hopped,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the brass band never stopped,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I to thee the question popped,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">She stood behind the area gate,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She did it just to aggravate,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She saw me wink, she heard me swear,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She recognized the scoundrel there,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">She knows a bailiff I can’t bear,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The cursed writ he pushed it through,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The area rails, and gave it you,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The infernal summons me un-nerved,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">He from his duty never swerved,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">On thee, my bride, the writ he served,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh! narrow-minded County Court,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis death to me, to them ’tis sport,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Oh! stab in my most tender place,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">My pocket! oh! the deep disgrace,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I fell down flat upon my face,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_101"></a>[101]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">They fined me at the next court day,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Locked up, how can I get away,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I don’t perceive of hope a ray,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">’Tis a true bill, but, oh! I say,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">How without tin am I to pay,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna?</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">When turns the never-pausing mill,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I tread, I do not dare stand still,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">At home, of beer thou drink’st thy fill,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I may not come to thee and swill,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I hear the rolling of the mill,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Boreäna.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Chapter II.</span></h3> - -<p>My poor friend had always within him a certain classical fondness -of the ancient style of poetry; none of your vulgar Alcaics -and Sapphics—“These,” he used to remark, “Horace, Tibullus, -or any fellow of that calibre could manage; but the glorious hexameters -and pentameters of Homer, Virgil, and Ovid,—they’re the -things, my boy!” His delight in this species of composition was -so great that at school we used to call him, as a nickname, -“Professor Long-and-short-fellow.” It curdles my blood to think -that some obscure person in America, who has latterly been indulging -in dactyllic and spondaic metre, has dared to name himself<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_102"></a>[102]</span> -partly in imitation of the <i>sobriquét</i> by which we designated -our friend.</p> - -<p>Recollecting poor Pellucid’s warm admiration of the hexameter -then, I have made strict search among his papers, on the chance -of finding some classical Latin or Greek poem of his composition, -but without success. At one time a ray of hope darted through -me, as I came upon a paper carefully folded, and docketted, -“Notions for a Fight between Hector and Achilles;” I unfolded it -eagerly, but, alas! it was only a fragment, the words “Arma -virumque cano” were legibly inscribed in my friend’s neat hand, -but it was evident that he had either been called away, or that the -Muse had deserted him at the critical moment, as he had left it -without another word. At length I chanced to find the following -poem, descriptive of a picnic at Cliefden and its consequences, in -the true classical verse, but, before submitting it to the world, I -must remark that on the outside cover of the MS. is written, in -pencil, and in a hand very similar to that of Mr. B⸺, the publisher, -of F⸺ Street, “Query? Evang’⸺;” the rest of the -word is illegible, and I could never comprehend the meaning of -the comment.</p> - -<h4>PICNIC-ALINE.</h4> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">These are the green woods of Cliefden. The glorious oaks and the chestnuts</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All appertain to the Duke, whose residence stands in the distance—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stands like a toyhouse of childhood, besprinkled all over with windows—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Stands like a pudding at Christmas, a white surface dotted with black things.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Loud from the neighbouring river, the deep-voiced clamorous bargée</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Roars, and in accents opprobrious hollas to have the lock opened.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_103"></a>[103]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">These are the green woods of Cliefden. But where are the people who in them</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Laughed like a man when he lists to the breath-catching accents of Buckstone?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Where are the wondrous white waistcoats, the flimsy baréges and muslins,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Worn by the swells and the ladies who came here on pleasant excursions?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gone are those light-hearted people, flirtations, perhaps love, even marriage,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All have had woeful effect since Mrs. Merillian’s picnic;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And of that great merrymaking, some bottles in tinfoil enveloped,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And a glove dropped by Jane Page, are the vestiges only remaining!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Ye who take pleasure in picnics and doat on excursions aquatic,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Flying the smoke of the city, vexations and troubles of business,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">List to a joyous tradition of one which was held once at Cliefden—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">List to a tale of cold chicken, champagne, bitter beer, lobster salad!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Brilliantly burst forth the sun o’er the pleasant meadows of Cliefden,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bathed in his beautiful light, the daisies and daffydowndillies</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shone like those fanciful gems made by Beverly, at the Lyceum:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Calmly the whole of the morning untrodden, unseen, and unnoticed,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lay all the valley around; but when from Maidenhead’s steeple</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Clashed the four quarters of noon, then come the first batch of the rev’llers,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Come in a large open boat, broad-bottomed, and decked with tarpaulin,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which from the sun’s scorching rays formed a needful and pleasant protection.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Here were seated the belles of the <i>fête</i>, Kate and Ellen Merillian,</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_104"></a>[104]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Fairest of all <i>demoiselles</i> who dwell in Belgravia’s quarters.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With them came Margaret Stewart, their pretty cousin from Scotland,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Marian Vernon, and eke, to give proper tone to the party,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Old Mrs. Blinder, who’s deaf, and so chaperoned most discreetly.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Nor did they lack cavaliers—Jack Wilson, the fast and the funny,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pride of the Board of Control, delight of his club and his office,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sat at the stern of the boat, alternately singing and smoking;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">There, too, was Captain De Boots, of Her Majesty’s Household Brigade, he</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sat by the side of Miss Vernon, and talked in so earnest a whisper,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That the rest called it “a case,” and begged to have “cake and gloves” sent them.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Scarce was the party on shore when several ran up to meet them,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Chattering, laughing young girls, and matrons more serious and sober,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Men from the City, resplendent in whiskers and large-patterned trousers—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Men from the West, who relied on their manners much more than their costume—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Marvellous were the shirt-collars encircling the necks of the young ones,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Seemed it as though they were made of a cross between buckram and mill-board;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Marvellous, too, was their conduct, a mixture of insult and folly,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gods! how absurd were their airs, how silly, insane, and precocious.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Now began frolic and mirth, pleasant pastimes and games in which all joined,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And where e’en fathers and mothers partook of the fun with their children,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Hunting the Slipper,” (“by Jove! what fun can be had at that same, sir!”)</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_105"></a>[105]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">“How, when, and where!” “Prisoner’s Base!” but not until dinner was over</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Played they at Blindman’s Buff, the climax of riot and revel.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gathering their dresses close round them, the ladies sat down on the herbage,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Laughing at every speech, and screaming at popping champagne corks,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While their attentive gallants were constantly hovering near them,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Handing the wings of cold fowls and trembling blancmanges and jellies.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">More can I not write at present. I’ve striven to laugh on this subject,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But ’neath my placid external beats sadly a heart crushed and blighted!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shall I confess to ye the reason? Know then, that at this said picnic,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Fired by the fumes of champagne and strong deleterious potions,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Placed I my fortune and hand at the feet of Emily Robins!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Know then, that losing my balance I sprawled on the greensward before her,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And, ere the evening was o’er, got outrageously thrashed by her brother!</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><i>Note by the Editor.</i>—In transcribing this poem from my friend’s MS., I -feel it my duty to state that his touching description of his love was not -without foundation. The “knock-down blow” he received did not entirely -floor him; he sought to see the lady again, and, on being repulsed, commenced -a very pretty little poem, beginning—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“When he who adores thee has left but the name</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of his faults and his follies behind.”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">Here he stopped, which, I think, was a pity, as he evidently possessed the -feeling and talents essential to an amatory poet.</p> - -<div class="figcenter illowp100" id="illus8" style="max-width: 43.75em;"> - <img class="w100" src="images/illus8.jpg" alt="" /> - <p class="caption"><span class="allsmcap">PELLUCID RIVERS.</span>—<a href="#Page_105">p. 105.</a></p> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_106"></a>[106]</span></p> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Chapter III.</span></h3> - -<p>It is a melancholy pleasure to me to wander among these -vestiges of the departed great man; to trace his various thoughts -from his earliest infancy to the time when death robbed the world -of what should have been its brightest ornament, and left to it -merely the paste and tinsel, the gewgaw and tomfoolery of -literature.</p> - -<p>Of his father he has left many records. This person, upon -whom the honour of being Pellucid’s progenitor devolved, appears -to have been a worthy undertaker; an unprofitable one, however, -for he never <i>undertook</i> anything well, nor carried it out successfully. -Nevertheless, his failings or shortcomings in life, served -but to increase the love his son bore him, and which is manifested -in many poetical scraps, evidently written in early life, one of -which, commencing—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“My father, my dear father, if a name</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Dearer and holier were, it should be thine,”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">is worthy of comparison with anything of Byron’s; it is, however, -too long for extract. To his schooldays also, I find many pleasing -allusions scattered through his manuscripts. In a letter to his -sister (which, from family reasons, I am precluded from publishing) -he draws a wonderful sketch of his pedagogue, whom he describes -as being a man severe and stern to view, but who often -relaxed to a joke with his scholars, and was the best hand at -argument in the village, using words of such learned length and -wondrous sound, that the amazed rustics stood gaping at his -knowledge. His “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Islington Free-school,” -is also full of pleasing reminiscences of his younger -days.</p> - -<p>Late in life Rivers began to take a great interest in theatrical -matters, and I find among his MSS. the following poem, evidently -written shortly before his decease. One curious fact connected<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_107"></a>[107]</span> -with these verses is, that as executor of poor Pellucid, I am at -present at loggerheads with one Mr. McAuley, a Scotch gentleman, -who, absurdly enough, claims their authorship:—</p> - -<h4>GUSTAVUS.<br /> -<span class="smaller">A LAY OF DRURY LANE.</span></h4> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Great Smithius of Drury Lane,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">By cape and truncheon swore</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That Bold Gustavus Brookius</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Should <i>perdu</i> lie no more.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">By staff and cape he swore it,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And named his opening night,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And sent his messengers abroad,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Each with a pile of orders stored,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To summon all they might.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">East and west, and south and north,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The messengers repair;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Some hie them to the Regal Oak,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Some to the Arms of Eyre.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Shame on the false theatrical</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Who would refuse to come,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When bold Gustavus Brookius</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Enters the “Drama’s Home!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The gallery-boys and pittites</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Are pouring in amain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And struggling in a turbid mass,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The theatre doors they gain.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From many a noisome alley,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">From many a crowded court,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Great G. V. B.’s supporters</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Have hastened to the sport.</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_108"></a>[108]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">From Kingsland’s leafy quarters,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">From Camden’s noble town,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From where Belgravia’s daughters</div> - <div class="verse indent2">On humble men look down;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">From Islington the merry,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">From Kensington the slow,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">To meet the great Gustavus</div> - <div class="verse indent2">The many-headed go.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The patrons of the Surrey,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Who e’er in shirt-sleeves sit,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While the refreshing foaming stout</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Is handed round the pit,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yield up their old allegiance,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And join the swelling train,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Crossing the Bridge of Waterloo,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To meet at Drury Lane.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Ho! fiddlers, scrape your catgut!</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Ho! drummers, use your strength!</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>HE</i> comes, whose name on every wall</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Measures six feet in length!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who, though perchance he cannot</div> - <div class="verse indent2">With Shakespeare move your souls,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Will gain your heartiest plaudits</div> - <div class="verse indent2">By gifts of soup and coals!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Come, Phelps, come crouch unto him;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Come, Kean, and do the same;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">You, famous by your own good deeds,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">You by your father’s name!</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Crouch to the great Gustavus,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Who has become the rage,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And proved himself, by feats of alms,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">King of the British stage.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_109"></a>[109]</span></p> - -<h3><span class="gothic">Chapter IV.</span></h3> - -<p>“<i>Poeta nascitur non fit</i>,” is a trite but wise aphorism. Few -men have selected such varied subjects as my friend Rivers, and -few have dealt with their choice so successfully. Unlike your -modern writers, who put on one suit of similes and wear it threadbare -(such as Alessandro Smiffini, for instance, who is never -tired of gazing at the moon or dipping in the sea), Pellucid’s -kindly nature immortalises even the most trivial occurrences of -his life. The following extract from his works will show what I -mean. Unblessed with riches, he had incurred a small bill at a -<i>restaurant</i>, in the neighbourhood of his lodgings, and one night -the proprietor of the hostelry effected an entrance into his -apartment, and refused to quit until the claim was settled. This -circumstance, which would have discomposed a less happy mind, -gave him the idea for a set of verses, which he named “The -Tankard,” and which he calls, “A Domestic Scene turned into -Poetry.” Again, on this manuscript is a pencilled query (in the -same writing to which I have before alluded), “Does he mean -Edgar Poe—try?” I confess this joke is beyond my poor powers -of brain. Perhaps my readers will be able to interpret it, when -they read the verses, which run thus:—</p> - -<h4>THE TANKARD.</h4> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sitting in my lonely chamber, in this dreary, dark December,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gazing on the whitening ashes of my fastly-fading fire,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pond’ring o’er my misspent chances with that grief which time enhances—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Misdirected application, wanting aims and objects higher,—</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Aims to which I should aspire.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">As I sat thus wond’ring, thinking, fancy unto fancy linking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the half-expiring embers many a scene and form I traced—</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_110"></a>[110]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a by-gone scene of gladness, yielding now but care and sadness,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Many a form once fondly cherished, now by misery’s hand effaced,—</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Forms which Venus’ self had graced.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Suddenly, my system shocking, at my door there came a knocking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Loud and furious,—such a rat-tat never had I heard before;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Through the keyhole I stood peeping, heart into my mouth up-leaping,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till at length, my teeth unclenching, faintly said I, “What a bore!”</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Gently, calmly, teeth unclenching, faintly said I, “What a bore!”</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Said the echo, “Pay your score!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">At this solemn warning trembling, some short time I stood dissembling,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Till again the iron knocker beat its summons ’gainst the door,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Then, the oak wide open throwing, stood I on the threshold bowing—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bows such as, save motley tumbler, mortal never bowed before,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Bows which even Mr. Flexmore never yet had tried before:</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Said the echo, “Pay your score!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Grasping then the light, upstanding, looked I round the dreary landing,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Looked at every wall, the ceiling, looked upon the very floor,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Nought I saw there but a Tankard, from the which that night I’d drank hard,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Drank as drank our good forefathers in the merry days of yore,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the corner stood the Tankard, where it oft had stood before,—</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Stood and muttered, “Pay your score!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Much I marvelled at this pewter, surely ne’er in past or future</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Has been, will be, such a wonder, such a Tankard learned in lore!</div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_111"></a>[111]</span> - <div class="verse indent0">Gazing at it more intensely, stared I more and more immensely</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When it added, “Come, old boy, you’ve many a promise made before,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">False they were as John O’Connell’s, who would ‘die upon the floor!’</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Now for once—come, pay your score!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">From my placid temper starting, and upon the Tankard darting,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With one furious hurl I flung it down before the porter’s door;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But as I my oak was locking, heard I then the self-same knocking,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And on looking out I saw the Tankard sitting as before,—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sitting, squatting in the self-same corner as it sat before,—</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Sitting, crying “Pay your score!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">And the Tankard, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In the very self-same corner where it sat in days of yore:</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And its pewter still is shining, and it bears the frothy lining,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Which the night when first I drained its cooling beverage it bore,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">But my mouth that frothy lining never, never tasted more,</div> - <div class="verse indent26">Since it muttered, “Pay your score!”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>I have concluded my extracts; the remaining poems are -principally of a private and personal nature, which renders them -unfitted for publication.</p> - -<p>After a perusal of his verses there will, I trust, be very few -persons who will not at once appreciate the powers of my -lamented friend, and grieve over the illiberal treatment he experienced. -Should I find that tardy justice is done to his productions, -and that they meet with that posthumous popularity -which is undoubtedly their due, the effort which I have made to -bring him into notice, and to shake the <i>dii majores</i> of the literary -world on their unstable thrones, will not have been unrewarded.</p> - -<p class="right"><span class="gothic">Edmund H. Yates.</span></p> - -<p class="titlepage">LONDON:<br /> -SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET<br /> -COVENT GARDEN.</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MIRTH AND METRE ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ -concept and trademark. 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