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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of The mother, by Pearl S. Buck
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: The mother
-
-Author: Pearl S. Buck
-
-Release Date: July 21, 2022 [eBook #68577]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was
- produced from images made available by the HathiTrust
- Digital Library.)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER ***
-
-
-
-
-
-THE MOTHER
-
-
-
-
-_By Pearl S. Buck_
-
- THE MOTHER
-
- THE FIRST WIFE
- AND OTHER STORIES
-
- SONS
-
- THE GOOD EARTH
-
- EAST WIND: WEST WIND
-
- ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS
- [SHUI HU CHUAN]
- TRANSLATED FROM THE CHINESE
-
-
-
-
- THE
- MOTHER
-
- _by Pearl S. Buck_
-
- THE JOHN DAY COMPANY
-
- _New York_
-
-
-
-
- COPYRIGHT, 1934, BY PEARL S. BUCK
-
-
- MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
- FOR THE JOHN DAY COMPANY, INC., NEW YORK,
- BY J. J. LITTLE & IVES COMPANY, NEW YORK
-
-
-
-
-THE MOTHER
-
-
-
-
-I
-
-
-In the kitchen of the small thatched farmhouse the mother sat on a low
-bamboo stool behind the earthen stove and fed grass deftly into the
-hole where a fire burned beneath the iron cauldron. The blaze was but
-just caught and she moved a twig here, a handful of leaves there, and
-thrust in a fresh bit of the dried grass she had cut from the hillsides
-last autumn. In the corner of the kitchen as near as she could creep to
-the fire sat a very old and weazened woman, wrapped in a thick padded
-coat of bright red cotton stuff, whose edges showed under a patched
-coat of blue she wore over it. She was half blind with a sore disease
-of the eyes, and this had well-nigh sealed her eyelids together. But
-through the small slits left open she could see a great deal still, and
-she watched the flare of the flames as they leaped and caught under
-the strong and skillful hands of the mother. Now she said, her words
-hissing softly through her sunken, toothless gums, “Be careful how you
-feed the fire--there is only that one load--is it two?--and the spring
-is but newly come and we have long to go before the grass is long
-enough to cut and here I am as I am and I doubt I can ever go again
-and pick a bit of fuel--a useless old crone now, who ought to die--”
-
-These last words the old woman said many times a day and every time she
-said them she waited to hear the son’s wife speak as she now did, “Do
-not say it, old mother! What would we do if we had not you to watch the
-door while we are in the field and see that the little ones do not fall
-into the pond?”
-
-The old mother coughed loudly at this and gasped out of the midst of
-her coughing, “It is true--I do that--the door must be watched in these
-evil times with thieves and robbers everywhere. If they came here, such
-a screeching as I would raise, daughter! Well I mind it was not so when
-I was young--no, then if you left a hoe out in the night it was there
-at dawn and in summer we tied the beast to the door hasp outside and
-there it stood again the next day and--”
-
-But the young mother although she laughed dutifully and called out,
-“Did you, then, old mother!” did not hear the old woman, who talked
-incessantly throughout the day. No, while the old cracked voice rambled
-on the young mother thought of the fuel and wondered indeed if it would
-last until this spring planting were finished when she could take time
-to go out with her knife and cut small branches from trees and pick
-up this bit and that. It was true that just outside the door of the
-kitchen at the edge of the threshing-floor, which was also dooryard,
-there were still two ricks of rice straw, neatly rounded and roofed
-with hard packed clay to shield them from the damps of rains and snow.
-But rice straw was too good to burn. Only city folk burned rice straw,
-and she or her man would carry it into the city in great bundles upon
-a pole and gain good silver for it. No, rice straw could not be burned
-except in city houses.
-
-She fed the grass into the stove bit by bit, absorbed in the task, the
-firelight falling on her face, a broad, strong face, full lips, and
-darkly brown and red with wind and sun. Her black eyes were shining in
-the light, very clear eyes, set straight beneath her brows. It was a
-face not beautiful but passionate and good. One would say, here is a
-quick-tempered woman but warm wife and mother and kind to an old woman
-in her house.
-
-The old woman chattered on. She was alone all day except for the little
-children since her son and son’s wife must labor on the land, and now
-it seemed there were many things she had to tell this daughter-in-law
-whom she loved. Her old wheezing voice went on, pausing to cough now
-and again in the smoke which poured out of the stove. “I ever did say
-that when a man is hungered and especially a young and hearty son
-like mine, an egg stirred into noodles--” The old voice lifted itself
-somewhat higher against the fretting of two children who clung to their
-mother’s shoulders as she stooped to feed the fire.
-
-But the mother went steadily on with her task, her face quiet and in
-repose. Yes, she was as quiet as though she did not hear the fretting
-of the children, this boy and this girl, and as though she did not
-hear the endless old voice. She was thinking that it was true she was
-a little late tonight There was a deal to be done on the land in the
-spring, and she had stayed to drop the last row of beans. These warm
-days and these soft damp nights, filled with dew--one must make the
-most of them, and so she had covered the last row. This very night life
-would begin to stir in those dry beans. This thought gave her content.
-Yes, that whole field would begin to stir with life tonight secretly
-in the damp warm earth. The man was working there still, pressing the
-earth tight over the rows with his bare feet. She had left him there
-because over the fields came the voices of the children crying her
-name, and she had hastened and come home.
-
-The children were standing hungrily at the kitchen door when she
-reached there and they were both weeping, the boy gently and steadily,
-his eyes tearless, and the little girl whimpering and chewing her fist.
-The old woman sat listening to them serenely. She had coaxed them for
-a time but now they were beyond her coaxing and would not be comforted
-and so she let them be. But the mother said nothing to them. She went
-swiftly to the stove, stooping to pick up a load of fuel as she went.
-Yet this was sign enough. The boy ceased his howling and ran after her
-with all the speed of his five years, and the girl came after as best
-she could, being but three and a little less.
-
-Now the food in the cauldron was boiling and from under the wooden lid
-clouds of fragrant steam began to creep forth. The old woman drew deep
-breaths and champed her empty old jaws a little. Under the cauldron the
-flames leaped high and beat against its iron bottom and finding no vent
-they spread and flew out again, changing into dense smoke that poured
-into the small room. The mother drew back and pulled the little girl
-back also. But the acrid smoke had already caught the child and she
-blinked and rubbed her eyes with her grimy fists and began to scream.
-Then the mother rose in her quick firm way and she lifted the child and
-set her outside the kitchen door, saying, “Stay there, small thing!
-Ever the smoke hurts your eyes and ever you will thrust your head into
-it just the same.”
-
-The old woman listened as she always did whenever her son’s wife spoke,
-and she took it as a fresh theme for something to say herself. Now she
-began, “Aye, and I always said that if I had not had to feed the fire
-for so many years I would not be half blind now. Smoke it was that made
-me be so blind as I am now and smoke--”
-
-But the mother did not hear the old voice. She heard the sound of the
-little girl as she sat there flat upon the earth, screaming and rubbing
-her eyes and essaying to open them. It was true the child’s eyes were
-always red and sore. Yet if anyone said to the mother, “Has not your
-child something amiss with her eyes?” the mother answered, “It is only
-that she will thrust her head into the fiery smoke when I am burning
-the grass in the oven.”
-
-But this crying did not move her as once it had. She was too busy now,
-and children came thick and fast. When her first son had been born, she
-could not bear to hear him cry at all. Then it had seemed to her that
-when a child cried a mother ought to still it somehow and give it ease,
-and so when the child wept she stopped whatever she did and gave him
-her breast. Then the man grew angry because she stopped so often at her
-share of the work, and he roared at her, “What--shall you do thus and
-leave it all to me? Here be you, but just begun your bearing and for
-these next twenty years shall you be suckling one or another, and am I
-to bear this? You are no rich man’s wife who needs do naught but bear
-and suckle and can hire the labor done!”
-
-She flew back at him then as ever she did, for they were both young and
-full of temper and passion, and she cried at him, “And shall I not have
-a little something for my pains? Do you go loaded many months to your
-work as I must do, and do you have the pains of birth? No, when you
-come home you rest, but when I go home there is the food to cook and a
-child to care for and an old woman to coax and coddle and tend for this
-and that--”
-
-So they quarreled heartily for a while and neither was the victor and
-neither vanquished, they were so well matched. But still this one
-quarrel did not need to last long; her breasts soon went dry, for she
-conceived as easily as a sound and cleanly beast does. Even now was
-her milk dry again, though one child she dropped too soon last summer
-when she fell and caught herself upon the point of the plough.... Well,
-children must make shift now as best they could, and if they wept they
-must weep, and it was true that she could not run to give them suck,
-and they must wait and suit their hunger to her coming. So she said,
-but the truth was her heart was softer than her speech, and she still
-made haste if her children called to her.
-
-When the cauldron boiled a while and the smoke was mingled with the
-smell of the fragrant rice, she went and found a bowl and first she
-poured it full for the old woman. She set it on the table in the larger
-room where they all lived, and then she led her there, scarcely heeding
-her gabbling voice, “--and if you mix pease with the rice it does
-make such a fine full taste as ever was--” And the old woman seated
-herself and seized the bowl in her two chill dry hands and fell silent,
-suddenly trembling with greediness for the food, so that the water ran
-from the corners of her wrinkled mouth, and she fretted, “Where is the
-spoon--I cannot find my spoon--”
-
-The mother put the porcelain spoon into the fumbling old hand and she
-went out and this time she found two small tin bowls and filled them
-and she found two small pairs of bamboo chopsticks, and she took one
-bowl to the girl first because she was still weeping and rubbing her
-eyes. The child sat in the dust of the threshing-floor, and what with
-her tears and what with her grimy fists, her face was caked with mud
-and tears. Now the mother lifted her to her feet and wiped her face
-somewhat with the palm of her rough dark hand, and then lifting the
-edge of the patched coat the child wore, she wiped her eyes. But she
-was gentle enough, for it was true the child’s eyes were red and tender
-and the edges of the lids turned out and raw, and when the child turned
-her head wincing and whimpering, the mother let be in pity, troubled
-for the moment with the child’s pain. She set the bowl then upon a rude
-and unpainted table that stood outside the door of the house and she
-said to the child in her loud, kind voice, “Come--eat!”
-
-The girl went unsteadily and stood clinging to the table, her
-red-rimmed eyes half closed against the piercing gold of the evening
-sun, and then stretched her hands toward the bowl. The mother cried,
-“Take heed--it is hot!”
-
-And the girl hesitated and began to blow her little shallow breaths
-upon the food to cool it. But the mother continued to gaze upon her,
-still troubled as she gazed, and she muttered to herself, “When he
-takes that next load of rice straw to the city I will ask him to go to
-a medicine shop and buy some balm for sore eyes.”
-
-Now the boy was complaining because she had not set his bowl down on
-the table, too, and so she went and fetched it and set it down and for
-a time there was silence.
-
-Then the mother felt herself too weary for a while even to eat and she
-gave a great sigh and went and fetched the little bamboo stool and set
-it by the door and sat down to rest. She drew in her breath deeply
-and smoothed back her rough sun-browned hair with her two hands and
-looked about her. The low hills that circled about this valley where
-their land lay grew slowly black against a pale yellow sky, and in
-the heart of this valley, in the small hamlet, fires were lit for the
-evening meal and smoke began to rise languidly into the still windless
-air. The mother watched it and was filled with content. Of the six or
-seven houses which made up the hamlet there was not one, she thought
-suddenly, in which the mother did better for her children than did she
-for hers. Some there were who were richer; that wife of the innkeeper,
-doubtless, had some silver and to spare, for she wore two silver rings
-upon her hands and rings in her ears such as the young mother used to
-long for in her girlhood and never had. Well, even so, she had liefer
-see her own spare silver go into the good flesh the children wore
-upon their bones. The gossip said the innkeeper gave his children but
-the meats the guests left in their bowls. But the mother gave her own
-children good rice that they grew upon their land, and if the girl’s
-eyes were well there would be nothing wrong with them at all; sound and
-well grown were they, and the boy big enough for seven or eight. Yes,
-she had sound children always, and if that one had not come too soon,
-and died when it had breathed but once, it would have been a fair boy
-by now, too, and trying to walk soon.
-
-She sighed again. Well, here was this new one coming in a month or two,
-and it was enough to think about. But she was glad. Yes, she was glad
-and best content when she was big with child and when she was full with
-life....
-
-Someone came out of the door across the street of the little hamlet,
-and out of the smoking doorway she could see her husband’s cousin’s
-wife, and she called, “Ah, you are cooking, too! I am but just
-finished!”
-
-“Yes--yes--” came the other’s voice, carelessly cheerful. “And I was
-just saying, I dare swear you are finished, you are so forward with
-your work.”
-
-But the mother called back loudly and courteously, “No--no--it is only
-that my children grow hungry betimes!”
-
-“Truly a very able, forward woman!” cried the cousin’s wife again and
-went within once more, carrying the grass she had come to fetch. The
-mother sat on a while in the evening twilight, her face half smiling.
-It was true she could rightly be proud, proud of her own strength,
-proud of her children, proud of that man of hers. But even so there
-could not be peace for long. The boy thrust his bowl suddenly before
-her, “M-ma, more!”
-
-She rose then to fill it for him again, and when she came out of the
-door the sun rested in a dip between the hills, on the edge of the
-very field where she had worked that day long. It rested there, caught
-seemingly for an instant between the hills, and hung motionless, huge
-and solidly gold, and then it went slipping slowly out of sight. Out
-of the immediate dusk she saw the man coming along a footpath, his hoe
-over his shoulder and caught under his raised arm as he came buttoning
-his coat. He walked light and lithe as a young male cat, and suddenly
-he broke into singing. He loved to sing, his voice high and quivering
-and clear, and many a song he knew, so that oftentimes upon a holiday
-he was asked to sing for all in the teashop and so pass the time away.
-He lowered his voice as he came to the house, and when at last he
-reached the threshold he was only singing a very little but still in
-that high, shaking, thrilling voice, his words set into some swift
-rhythm. He put his hoe against the wall, and the old woman, hearing
-him, woke out of a doze that had fallen on her after she had eaten and
-she began to speak as though she had not left off, “As I said, my son
-likes a little pease mixed in his rice and such a full sweet taste--”
-
-The man laughed an easy idle laugh and went into the house, and out of
-the door his pleasant voice came, “Aye, old mother, and so I do!”
-
-Outside the door the girl child, her bowl emptied, sat passive and
-filled and now that the sun was gone she opened her eyes a little and
-looked about her more easily and without complaining. The mother went
-into the kitchen again and brought out a steaming bowl of rice for
-the man. It was a large bowl of coarse blue and white pottery, and it
-was filled to the brim. Into it the mother had dropped an egg she had
-saved from the few fowls they kept and now the fresh white of the egg
-began to harden. When the man worked hard he must have a bit of meat
-or an egg. However they might quarrel, it was a pleasure to her to see
-him fed well, and all their quarreling, she thought to herself, was
-only of the lips. Well she loved to see him eat, even if sometimes she
-belabored him with her tongue for something. She called now to the old
-woman, “I have put a new-laid egg into your son’s rice! And he has
-cabbage, too.”
-
-The old woman heard this and began instantly and quickly, “Oh, aye--a
-new-laid egg! I ever did say a new-laid egg--it is the best thing for a
-young man. It mends the strength--”
-
-But no one listened. The man ate hastily, being mightily hungered,
-and in no time he was calling for the mother to fill his bowl again,
-thumping the table with his empty bowl to hasten her. When it was
-filled she went and fetched a bowl for herself. But she did not sit
-down beside the man. She sat upon her low stool in the dooryard and
-supped her rice with pleasure, for she loved her food as a healthy
-beast does. Now and again she rose to fetch a bit of cabbage from the
-man’s bowl, and as she ate she stared into the dark red sky between
-the two hills. The children came and leaned upon her and held up their
-mouths to be fed and often the mother put a bit between their lips with
-her chopsticks. And although they were filled and no longer hungry, and
-although it was what they had eaten, yet this food from their mother’s
-bowl seemed better to them than what they had in their own. Even the
-yellow farmyard dog came near with confidence. He had been sitting in
-hope under the table, but the man kicked him, and he slunk out and
-caught deftly the bits of rice the mother threw him once or twice.
-
-Thrice the mother rose and filled the man’s bowl and he ate to
-repletion and gave a grunt of satisfaction and then into his empty
-bowl she poured boiling water and he supped it loudly, rising now and
-supping as he stood outside the door. When he was through and she had
-taken his bowl he stood there a while, looking over the countryside as
-the night covered it. There was a young spring moon in the sky, very
-small and crystal pale among the stars. He stared at it and fell to
-singing some soft twisting song as he stood.
-
-Out of the other few houses in the hamlet men began to come now also.
-Some shouted to each other of a game they had begun at the inn, and
-some stood yawning and gaping at their doors. The young husband ceased
-his singing suddenly and looked sharply across the street. There was
-only one house where a man worked on while others rested. It was his
-cousin. That fellow! He would work on even into the night. There he
-was sitting at his door, his head bent to see the weaving of a basket
-of some sort he made from willow withes. Well, some men were so, but as
-for himself--a little game--he turned to speak to the woman and met her
-hostile knowing look, and meeting it he cursed her silently. If he had
-worked all day, could he not game a bit at night either? Was he to work
-and work his life away? But he could not meet that steadfast, angry
-look upon him. He shook himself petulantly as a child does and he said,
-“After such a day of work as this--well, I will sleep then! I am too
-weary to game tonight!”
-
-He went into the house then and threw himself upon the bed and
-stretched and yawned. His old mother, sightless in the dusk of the
-lampless room, called out suddenly, “Has my son gone to bed?”
-
-“Aye, mother!” he answered angrily. “And what else is there to do in
-such a little empty place as this--work and sleep--work and sleep--”
-
-“Yes, yes, work and sleep,” the old woman answered cheerfully, hearing
-nothing of the anger in his voice, and she rose and felt her way to her
-own corner where behind a blue cotton curtain her pallet was. But the
-man was already asleep.
-
-When she heard the sound of his breathing the mother rose, and the
-children followed, clinging to her coat. She rinsed the bowls with a
-little cold water from the jar that stood there by the kitchen door,
-and set them in a cranny of the earthen wall. Then she went behind
-the house, and in the dim light of the moon she lowered a wooden
-bucket into a shallow well and dipped it full and took it to the jar
-and filled it. Once more she went out and this time to untie the water
-buffalo that stood tethered to one of the willow trees which grew
-raggedly about the threshing-floor, and she fed it straw and a few
-black pease with the straw. When the beast had eaten she led it into
-the house and tied it to the post of the bed where the man slept. The
-fowls were already roosting beneath the bed, and they cackled drowsily
-at her coming and fell silent again.
-
-Once more she went out and called and a pig grunted out of the
-gathering darkness. She had fed it at noon and she did not feed it now,
-but pushing and prodding it gently she forced it into the house. Only
-the yellow dog she left for it must lie across the threshold.
-
-All the time the two children had followed her as best they could,
-although she moved as she would without stopping for them. Now they
-clung to her trousered legs, whimpering and crying. She stooped and
-lifted the younger one into her arms, and leading the older by the
-hand, she took them into the house and barred the door fast. Then she
-went to the bed and laid the children at the man’s feet. Softly she
-removed their outer garments and then her own, and creeping between the
-man and his children, she stretched herself out and drew the quilt over
-them all. There she lay stretched and still, her strong body full of
-healthy weariness. Lying like this in the darkness she was filled with
-tenderness. However impatient she might be in the day, however filled
-with little sudden angers, at night she was all tenderness--passionate
-tenderness to the man when he turned to her in need, tender to the
-children as they lay helpless in sleep, tender to the old woman if she
-coughed in the night and rising to fetch a little water for her, tender
-even to the beasts if they stirred and frightened each other with their
-own stirring, and she called out to them, “Be still,--sleep--day is a
-long way off yet--” and hearing her rough kind voice even they were
-quieted and slept again.
-
-Now in the darkness the boy nuzzled against her, fumbling at her
-breast. She let him suckle, lying in warm drowsiness. Her breast was
-dry, but it was soft and gave remembered comfort to the child. Soon it
-would be full again. Beyond the boy the girl lay, screwing her eyes
-tightly shut, rubbing at their incessant itching as she fell asleep.
-Even after she slept she tore at her eyes, not knowing what she did.
-
-But soon they all slept. Heavily and deeply they all slept, and if the
-dog barked in the night they all slept on except the mother, for to
-them these were the sounds of the night. Only the mother woke to listen
-and take heed and if she needed not to rise, she slept again, too.
-
-
-
-
-II
-
-
-Is there one day different from another under heaven for a mother? In
-the morning the mother woke and rose before dawn, and while the others
-still slept she opened the door and let out the fowls and the pig and
-led the water buffalo into the dooryard, and she swept up what filth
-they had dropped in the night and put it upon the pile at a corner of
-the dooryard. While the others still lay she went into the kitchen and
-lit the fire and made water hot for the man and for the old woman to
-drink when they woke, and some she poured into a wooden basin to cool a
-little, so that she might wash the girl’s eyes.
-
-Every morning the girl’s eyes were sealed fast shut and she could
-not see at all until they were washed. At first the child had been
-frightened and so was the mother, but the old grandmother piped, “So
-was I when I was a child, and I never died of it!”
-
-Now they were used to it and they knew it meant nothing except that
-children could be so and not die of it. Scarcely had the mother poured
-the water before the children came, the boy leading the girl by the
-hand. They had crept up silently and not waking the man, fearing his
-anger, for with all his merry ways when he was minded to be merry, the
-man could be angry and cuff them furiously if he were waked before his
-sleep was ended. The two stood silently at the door and the boy winked
-his eyes with sleep and stared at his mother and yawned, but the little
-girl stood patiently waiting, her eyes sealed fast shut.
-
-Then the mother rose quickly and taking the gray towel that hung upon a
-wooden peg driven into the wall she dipped the end of it into the basin
-and slowly wiped the girl’s eyes. The child whimpered soundlessly and
-only with her breath, and the mother thought to herself as she thought
-every morning, “Well and I must see to the balm for this child’s eyes.
-Some time or other I must see to it. If I do not forget it when that
-next load of rice straw is sold I will tell him to go to a medicine
-shop--there is one there by the gate to the right and down a small
-street--”
-
-Even as she thought this the man came to the door drawing his garments
-about himself, yawning aloud and scratching his head. She said,
-speaking aloud her thought, “When you carry that load of rice straw in
-to sell do you go to that medicine shop that is by the Water Gate, and
-ask for a balm or some stuff for such sore eyes as these.”
-
-But the man was sour with sleep still and he answered pettishly, “And
-why should we use our scanty money for sore eyes when she can never die
-of it? I had sore eyes when I was a child, and my father never spent
-his money on me, though I was his only son who lived, too.”
-
-The mother, perceiving it was an ill time to speak, said no more, and
-she went and poured his water out. But she was somewhat angry too, and
-she would not give it to him but set it down on the table where he
-must reach for it. Nevertheless, she said nothing and for the time she
-put the matter from her. It was true that many children had sore eyes
-and they grew well as childhood passed, even as the man had, so that
-although his eyes were scarred somewhat about the lids as one could see
-who looked him full in the face, still he could see well enough if the
-thing were not too fine. It was not as though he was a scholar and had
-to peer at a book for his living.
-
-Suddenly the old woman stirred and called out feebly, and the mother
-fetched a bowl of hot water and took it to her to sup before she rose,
-and the old woman supped it loudly, and belched up the evil winds from
-her inner emptiness and moaned a little with her age that made her weak
-in the morning.
-
-The mother went back into the kitchen then and set about the morning
-food, and the children sat close together upon the ground waiting,
-huddled in the chill of the early morning. The boy rose at last and
-went to where his mother fed the fire, but the girl sat on alone.
-Suddenly the sun burst over the eastern hill and the light streamed in
-great bright rays over the land and these rays struck upon the child’s
-eyes so that she closed them quickly. Once she would have cried out,
-but now she only drew her breath in hard as even a grown person might
-have done and sat still, her red eyelids pressed close together, nor
-did she move until she felt her mother push against her a bowl of food.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Yes, it is true that all days were the same for the mother, but she
-never felt them dull and she was well content with the round of the
-days. If any had asked her she would have made those bright black eyes
-of hers wide and said, “But the land changes from seedtime to harvest
-and there is the reaping of the harvest from our own land and the
-paying of the grain to the landlord from that land we rent, and there
-are the holidays of the festivals and of the new year, yes and even the
-children change and grow and I am busy bearing more, and to me there is
-naught but change, and change enough to make me work from dawn to dark,
-I swear.”
-
-If she had a bit of time there were other women in the hamlet and this
-woman due for birth and that one grieving because a child was dead,
-or one had a new pattern for the making of a flower upon a shoe, or
-some new way to cut a coat. And there were days when she went into the
-town with some grain or cabbage to sell, she and the man together, and
-there in the town were strange sights to see and think about if ever
-she had time to think at all. But the truth was that this woman was
-such a one as could live well content with the man and children and
-think of nothing else at all. To her--to know the fullness of the man’s
-frequent passion, to conceive by him and know life growing within her
-own body, to feel this new flesh take shape and grow, to give birth and
-feel a child’s lips drink at her breast--these were enough. To rise at
-dawn and feed her house and tend the beasts, to sow the land and reap
-its fruit, to draw water at the well for drink, to spend days upon the
-hills reaping the wild grass and know the sun and wind upon her, these
-were enough. She relished all her life: giving birth, the labor on the
-land, eating and drinking and sleeping, sweeping and setting in rude
-order her house and hearing the women in the hamlet praise her for her
-skill in work and sewing; even quarreling with the man was good and set
-some edge upon their passion for each other. So therefore she rose to
-every day with zest.
-
-On this day when the man had eaten and sighed and taken up his hoe and
-gone somewhat halting as he always did to the field, she rinsed the
-bowls and sat the old woman out in the warmth of the sun and bade the
-children play near but not go too near the pond. Then she took her own
-hoe and set forth, stopping once or twice to look back. The thin voice
-of the old woman carried faintly on the breeze and the mother smiled
-and went on. To watch the door was the sole thing the old woman could
-do and she did it proudly. Old and half blind as she was, yet she could
-see if anyone came near who should not and she could raise a cry. A
-troublesome old woman she was, and a very troublesome old care often,
-and worse than any child and more, because she grew wilful and could
-not be cuffed as a child could. Yet when the cousin’s wife said one
-day, “A very good thing it will be for you, goodwife, when that old
-thing is dead, so old and blind and full of aches and pains and pettish
-with her food doubtless,” the mother had replied in the mild way she
-had when she was secretly tender, “Yes, but a very good use still, too,
-to watch the door, and I hope she will live until the girl is bigger.”
-
-Yes, the mother never had it in her heart to be hard on an old woman
-like that. Women she had heard who boasted of how they waged war in
-a house against their mothers-in-law and how they would not bear the
-evil tempers of the elder women. But to this young mother the old woman
-seemed but another child of hers, childish and wanting this and that as
-children do, so that sometimes it seemed a weary thing to run hither
-and thither upon the hills in spring seeking some herb the old soul
-longed for, yet when one summer came and there was a fierce flux in
-the hamlet so that two strong men died and some women and many little
-children, and the old woman lay dying, or so it seemed, and so seemed
-that they bought the best coffin they could and set there ready, the
-young mother was truly glad when the old woman clung to her life and
-came back to it for a while longer. Yes, even though the hardy old
-creature had worn out two burial robes, the mother was glad to have
-her live. It was a joke in the whole hamlet to see how the old life
-hung on. The red coat the young mother had made to bury her in she wore
-under a blue coat, as it was the custom to do in these parts, until it
-was worn and gone and the old woman fretted and was ill at ease until
-the mother had made it new again, and now she wore this second one
-merrily and if any called out, “Are you still there then, old one?” she
-would pipe back gaily, “Aye, here I be and my good grave clothes on me!
-A-wearing them out, I be, and I cannot say how many more I can wear
-out!”
-
-And the old soul chuckled to think how good a joke it was that she
-lived on and on and could not die.
-
-Now, looking back, the mother smiled and caught the old woman’s voice,
-“Rest your heart, good daughter--here am I to watch the door!”
-
-Yes, she would miss this old soul when dead. Yet what use missing? Life
-came and went at the appointed hour, and against such appointment there
-was no avail.
-
-Therefore the mother went her way tranquil.
-
-
-
-
-III
-
-
-When the beans she had planted in the field were come to flower and the
-winds were full of their fragrance and when the valley was yellow with
-the blooming of the rape they grew for the oil they pressed from its
-seeds, the mother gave birth to her fourth child. There was no midwife
-for hire in that small hamlet as there might be in a city or town or
-even in a larger village, but women helped each other when the need
-came, and there were grandmothers to say what to do if aught went wrong
-and a child came perversely or if there was anything in a birth to
-astonish a young woman. But the mother was well made, not too small or
-slight, and loosely knit and supple in the thighs, and there was never
-anything wrong with her. Even when she had fallen and dropped her child
-too soon, she did it easily, and it was little to her save the pity of
-a child lost and her trouble for naught.
-
-In her time she called upon their cousin’s wife, and when the cousin’s
-wife needed it, she did the same for her. So now upon a sweet and windy
-day in spring the woman felt her hour on her and she went across the
-field and set her hoe against the house and she called out to the
-house across the way and the cousin’s wife came running, wiping her
-hands on her apron as she came, for she had been washing clothes at
-the pond’s edge. This cousin’s wife was a kindly, good woman, her face
-round and brown and her nostrils black and upturned above a big red
-mouth. She was a noisy, busy soul, talking the livelong day beside her
-silent man, and now she came bustling and laughing and shouting as she
-came, “Well, goodwife, I do ever say how good a thing it is that we do
-not come together. I have been watching you and wondering which would
-come first, you or I. But I am slower somehow this year than I thought
-to be, and you are bearing and I but just begun!”
-
-Her voice came out big and loud when she said this, for it was her way,
-and women hearing called from other houses and they said gaily, “Your
-hour is it, goodwife? Well, luck then, and a son!” And one who was a
-widow and a gossip called out mournfully, “Aye, make the most of your
-man while you have him, for here be I, a good bearing woman too, and no
-man any more!”
-
-But the mother answered nothing. She smiled a little, pale under the
-dust and the sweat upon her face and she went into the house. The old
-woman followed after chattering and laughing in her pleasure in the
-hour, and she said, “I ever said when my hour used to come, and you
-know I bore nine children in my time, daughter, and all good sound
-children until they died, and I ever said--”
-
-But the mother did not hear. She took a little stool and sat down
-without speaking anything and smoothed the rough hair from her face
-with her two hands and her hands were wet with sweat--not the sweat of
-the fields, but this new sweat of pain. And she took up the edge of her
-coat and wiped her face, and she uncoiled her thick long hair and bound
-it fresh and firm. Then the pain caught her hard, and she bent over
-silently, waiting.
-
-Beside her the old woman clacked on and the cousin’s wife laughed at
-her, but when she saw the mother bend like this she ran and shut the
-door, and stood to wait. But suddenly there came a beating on the door
-and it was the boy. He saw the door closed in the day and his mother
-inside and he was afraid and he set up a cry and would have the door
-opened. At first the mother said, “Let him be there so that I may have
-peace at this task,” and the cousin’s wife went to the door and bawled
-through the crack, “Stay there for a while for your mother is at her
-task!” And the old woman echoed, “Stay there, my little one, and I will
-give you a penny to buy peanuts if you will play well and you shall see
-what your mother will have for you in a little while!”
-
-But the boy was afraid to see the door shut in the daytime and would
-have his way, and the girl began to whimper too as she did when her
-brother cried and she came feeling her way and beat too upon the door
-with her puny fists, and at last the mother grew angry in her pain and
-the more angry because it bore her down so hard, and she rose and
-rushed out and cuffed the boy heartily and shouted at him, “Yes, and
-you do wear my life away and you never heed a thing that is said, and
-here is another to come just like you, I do swear!”
-
-But the instant she had beat him her heart grew soft and the anger in
-her was satisfied and went out of her and she said more gently, “But
-there, come in if you must, and it is nothing to see, either.” And she
-said to the cousin’s wife, “Leave the door a little open, for they feel
-shut out from me, and they are not used to it.”
-
-Then she sat down again and held her head in her hands and gave herself
-silently to her pains. As for the boy, he came in and seeing nothing,
-but feeling his father’s cousin’s wife look at him hard as if he had
-done some ill thing, he went out again. But the little girl came in
-and sat down on the earthen floor beside her mother and held her hands
-against her eyes to ease them.
-
-Thus they waited, the one woman in silence and in pain, and the other
-two talking of this and that in the hamlet and of the man in the
-farthest house and how today he was off gambling and his land lying
-there waiting for him, and how this morning the man and his wife had
-had a mighty quarrel for that he had taken the last bit of money in the
-house, and she, poor soul, had been no match for him, and when he was
-gone she had sat upon the doorstep and wailed out her woes for all to
-hear, and the cousin’s wife said, “It is not as if he ever won a bit to
-bring home to her either. He can only lose and lose again, and this is
-what makes her so sorrowful.” And the old woman sighed and spat upon
-the floor and said, “Aye, a very sorrowful thing it is when a man is
-made for losing and made so he never gains, but there be some men so,
-and well I know it, but not in my house, thank the gods, for my son is
-very good at winning in a game.”
-
-But before she had finished speaking the mother cried out and turned
-herself away a little from the girl and she loosened her girdle and
-leaned forward upon the stool. Then did the cousin’s wife run forward
-and she caught nimbly in her two hands that little child for whom they
-waited, and it was a son.
-
-As for the mother, she went and laid herself upon the bed and rested
-after her labor, and rest was sweet and she slept heavily and long.
-While she slept the cousin’s wife washed and wrapped the child and laid
-him down beside the sleeping mother and she did not wake even when his
-little squeaking cry rang out. The cousin’s wife went home then to her
-work once more and she bade the old woman send the boy to call her when
-the mother woke.
-
-When the lad came crying, “Did you know I have a brother now?” she came
-quickly with a bowl of soup, laughing at the boy and teasing him and
-saying, “I brought the boy myself and do I not know?”
-
-But the boy stared thoughtful at this and at last he said, “Is it not
-ours then to keep?” and the women laughed, but the old woman laughed
-loudest of all, because she thought the boy so clever. The mother drank
-the soup then gratefully, and she murmured to her cousin’s wife, “It is
-your good heart, my sister.”
-
-But the cousin’s wife said, “Do you not the same for me in my hour?”
-
-And so the two women felt themselves the more deeply friends because of
-this hour common to them both and that must come again and yet again.
-
-
-
-
-IV
-
-
-But there was the man. To him there was no change in time, no hope of
-any new thing day after day. Even in the coming of the children his
-wife loved there was no new thing, for to him they were born the same
-and one was like another and all were to be clothed and fed, and when
-they were grown they must be wed in their turn and once more children
-born and all was the same, each day like to another, and there was no
-new thing.
-
-In this little hamlet so had he himself been born, and except to go to
-the small town which lay behind a curve of the hill upon the river’s
-edge, he had never once seen anything new in any day he lived. When
-he rose in the morning there was this circle of low round hills set
-against this selfsame sky, and he went forth to labor until night, and
-when night was come there were these hills set against this sky and he
-went into the house where he had been born and he slept upon the bed
-where he had slept with his own parents until it grew shameful and then
-they had a pallet made for him.
-
-Yes, and now he slept there in the bed with his own wife and children
-and his old mother slept on the pallet, and it was the same bed and
-the same house, and even in the house scarcely one new thing except the
-few small things that had been bought at the time of his wedding, a new
-teapot, the blue quilt upon the bed newly covered, new candlesticks and
-a new god of paper on the wall. It was a god of wealth, and a merry old
-man he was made to be, his robes all red and blue and yellow, but he
-had never brought wealth to this house. No, this man looked often at
-the god and cursed him in his heart because he could look so merrily
-down from the earthen wall and into this poor room that was always and
-ever as poor as it was.
-
-Sometimes when the man came home from a holiday in town or when he had
-gone on a rainy day to the little inn and gambled a while with the
-idlers there, when he came home again to this small house, to this
-woman bearing her children that he must labor to feed, it fell upon him
-like a terror that so long as he lived there was naught for him but
-this, to rise in the morning and go to this land of which they owned
-but little and rented from a landlord who lived in pleasure in some far
-city; to spend his day upon that rented land even as his father had
-done before him; to come home to eat his same coarse food and never the
-best the land could give, for the best must ever be sold for others to
-eat; to sleep, to rise again to the same next day. Even the harvests
-were not his own, for he must measure out a share to that landlord and
-he must take another share and fee the townsman who was the landlord’s
-agent. When he thought of this agent he could not bear it, for this
-townsman was such a one as he himself would fain have been, dressed in
-soft silk and his skin pale and fair and with that smooth oily look
-that townsmen have who work at some small, light task and are well fed.
-
-On such days when all these thoughts pressed on him he was very surly
-and he spoke not at all to the woman except to curse her for some
-slowness, and when her quick temper rose against him it was a strange
-malicious pleasure to him to fall to loud quarreling with her, and it
-eased him somehow, although she had often the best of him, too, because
-her temper was more stout than his, except when she was angry at a
-child. Even to his anger he could not cling as long as she did, but
-grew weary of it and flung himself off to something else. Quickest of
-all would her anger rise if he struck one of the children or shouted
-at one if it cried. Then she could not bear it, and she flew against
-him if it were to save a child and ever the child was right and he
-was wrong, and this angered him more than anything, that she put the
-children before him, or he thought she did.
-
-Yes, on days like this he held as nothing even the good few holidays he
-took, the feast days and the long idle winter days when he did nothing
-but sleep, and when he could not sleep he gambled. A lucky gambler
-he was, too, and he always came home with more than he took, and it
-seemed an easy way to live, if he were a lone man and had but himself
-to feed. He loved the chance of gambling and the excitement and the
-merriment of the game and all the men crowded together to see what
-lucky play he made. Truly luck was in his nimble fingers, which even
-the plough and the hoe had not made stiff, for he was young yet, only
-twenty and eight years of age, and he had never worked more than he
-must.
-
-But the mother never knew what was in the heart of the father of her
-children. That he loved play she knew, but what matter that if he
-did not lose at play? It was in truth a pride to her that when other
-women complained aloud of their own men and how the scanty earnings of
-the land were lost at that table in the inn, she need not complain,
-and when one cried out to her, “If my poor wretch were but like that
-pretty man of yours, goodwife, his fingers are faery somehow, so that
-the money crawls to them of its own accord, seemingly, upon the gaming
-table--a very lucky woman be you, goodwife!” she smiled complacently
-and she did not often blame him for his play unless it served as excuse
-for some other cause of quarrel.
-
-And she did not blame him deeply that he could not work steadily hour
-after hour in the fields as she did, though at the moment she might lay
-about him sharply with her tongue. She knew that men cannot work as
-women do, but have the hearts of children always in them, and she was
-used now to working on in her steady way while he flung down his hoe
-and laid himself upon the grass that grew on the footpath between this
-field and the next and slept an hour or two. But when she said aught to
-him in her scolding way, which was but the way, after all, her tongue
-was used to speak, for secretly she loved him well, he would answer,
-“Yes, and sleep I may for I have worked enough to feed myself.”
-
-She might have said, “Have we not the children then and shall not each
-do what he is able to make more for them?” But this she did not say
-because it was true the children seemed ever hers and hers alone, since
-he did nothing for them. Besides, her tongue was not so adroit as his
-to find an answer.
-
-But sometimes her wrath would come up hotly and then it would come
-with more than her usual scolding speech. Once or twice in a season a
-quarrel would go deep with her and give an unused bitterness to her
-tongue. When the man bought some foolish trinket in the market with the
-silver he had taken for the cabbage there, or when he was drunken on
-a day that was not a holiday, then she would grow angry and well-nigh
-she forgot she loved him in her heart. This was a deep fierce anger
-too, which smouldered and broke forth so many hours after his misdeed
-that the man had almost forgot what he had done, for it was his way to
-forget easily anything that did not please him, and when her anger came
-up in her like this she was helpless against it and it must out.
-
-On such a day one autumn he came home with a gold ring on his finger,
-or one he said was gold, and when she saw it her anger came up and she
-cried in the strangest, hottest way, “You--and you will not take your
-share of our common bitterness of life! No, you must needs go and spend
-the scant bit we have for a silly ring to put upon your little finger!
-And whoever heard of a good and honest poor man who wore a ring upon
-his finger? A rich man, he may do it and nothing said, but if a poor
-man does it, has it any good meaning? Gold! Whoever heard of a gold
-ring bought for copper?”
-
-At this he shouted at her, his face rebellious as a child’s, his red
-lips pouting, “It is gold, I tell you! It is stolen from some rich
-house, the man who sold it told me, and he showed it to me secretly
-upon the street as I passed, and he had it under his coat, and let me
-see it as I passed--”
-
-But she sneered and said, “Yes, and what he saw was a silly countryman
-whom he could trick! And even though it were gold, what if it be seen
-upon your finger in the town some day and you be caught and thrown into
-a gaol for thief and then how will we buy you out again, or even feed
-you in the gaol? Give it to me and let me see if it be gold!”
-
-But he would not give the toy to her. He shook himself sullenly as a
-child does and suddenly she could not bear him. No, she flew at him and
-scratched his smooth and pretty face and she beat him so heartily that
-he was aghast at her and he tore the ring from his finger scornfully
-but half frightened, too, and he cried, “There--take it! Very well I
-know you are angry because I bought it for my own finger and not for
-yours!”
-
-At this she felt fresh anger, because when he spoke she was astonished
-to know he spoke the truth, and it was secret pain to her that he never
-bought any trinket to put into her ears or on her fingers as some men
-do for their wives, and this she did think of when she saw the ring.
-She stared at him and he said again, his voice breaking with pity for
-himself and his hard life, “You ever do begrudge me the smallest good
-thing for myself. No, all we have must go for those brats you breed!”
-
-He began to weep then in good earnest and he went and flung himself
-upon the bed and lay there weeping and making the most of his weeping
-for her to hear, and his old mother who had heard the quarrel in
-greatest fright ran to him as best she could and coaxed him lest he be
-ill, and she cast hostile looks at the daughter-in-law whom commonly
-she loved well enough, and the children wept when they saw their father
-weep, and felt their mother hard and harsh.
-
-But the mother was not cool yet. She picked up the ring from the dust
-where he had thrown it and put it between her teeth and bit on it, lest
-by any chance it might be the gold he said it was and a good bargain
-they could sell again for something. It was true that sometimes stolen
-things were cheaply sold, but scarcely, she thought, so cheaply as he
-said this was, although he might have lied, perhaps, in fear of her.
-But when she bit on it the thing would not give at all between her hard
-white teeth as it must if the gold were pure, and she cried out in new
-anger, “And if it were gold would it not be soft between my teeth?
-It is brass and hard--” she gnawed at it a while and spat the yellow
-shallow gold from out her mouth--“See, it has scarce been dipped even
-in the gold!”
-
-She could not bear it then that the man had been so childishly
-deceived, and she went out from him to work upon the land, her heart
-hard so that she would not see the sobbing children nor would she hear
-the old mother’s quavering anxious voice that said, “When I was young
-I let my man be pleased--a wife should let her man be pleased with a
-little slight thing....” No, she would not hear anything to cool her
-anger down.
-
-But after she had worked a while on the land the gentle autumn wind
-blew into her angry heart and cooled it without her knowing it.
-Drifting leaves and brown hillsides from which the green of summer had
-died away, the gray sky and the far cry of wild geese flying southward,
-the quiescent land and all the quiet melancholy of the falling year
-stole into her heart without her knowledge and made her kind again. And
-while her hand scattered the winter wheat into the soft and well-tilled
-soil, in her heart came quiet and she remembered that she loved the
-man well and his laughing face came before her and stirred her and she
-said to herself remorsefully, “I will make him a dainty dish for his
-meal this noon. It may be I was too angry for but a little money spent,
-after all.”
-
-She was in great haste and longing to be gone then and at home to make
-the dish and show him she was changed, but when she was come there he
-still lay angry in the bed and he lay with his face inward and would
-not say a word. When she had made the dish and had caught some shrimps
-from the pond to mix into it as he liked and when she called him he
-would not rise and he would not eat at all. He said very faintly as
-though he were ill, “I cannot eat indeed--you have cursed the souls out
-of me.”
-
-She said no more then but set the bowl aside and went silent to her
-work again, her lips pressed hard together, nor would she aid the old
-mother when she besought her son to eat. But the mother could not beg
-him for she remembered freshly all her anger. And as she went the dog
-came up to her begging and hungry, and she went into the kitchen again
-and there the dish was she had made for the man. She put out her hand
-and muttered, “Well, then, I will even give it to the dog.” But she
-could not do it. After all, it was food for men and not to be so wasted
-and she set the dish back in the niche of the wall and found a little
-stale cold rice and gave it to the dog. And she said to her heart that
-she was angry still.
-
-Yet in the night when she laid herself beside him and the children
-curled against her in the darkness and she felt the man on her other
-side, her anger was clean gone. Then it seemed to her this man was
-but a child, too, and dependent on her as all in this house were, and
-when the morning came she rose, very gentle and quiet, and after all
-were fed except him, she went to him and coaxed him to rise and eat,
-and when he saw her like this he rose slowly as though from a sick bed
-and he ate a little of the dish she had made and then he finished it,
-for it was one he loved. And while he ate the old woman watched him
-lovingly, clacking as she watched, of this and that.
-
-But he would not work that day. No, as the mother went out to the field
-he sat upon a stool in the sun of the doorway and he shook his head
-feebly and he said, “I feel a very weak place in me and a pain that
-flutters at the mouth of my heart and I will rest myself this day.”
-
-And the mother felt that she had been wrong to blame him so heartily
-that he was like this and so she said, soothing him and sorry for her
-anger, “Rest yourself, then,” and went her way.
-
-But when she was gone the man grew restless and he was weary of his
-mother’s constant chatter, for the old woman grew very merry to think
-her son would be at home all day to talk to, though for the man it was
-a dull thing to sit and listen to her and see the children playing.
-He rose then, muttering he would be better if he had some hot tea in
-him, and he went down the little street to the wayside inn his fifth
-cousin kept. At the inn there were other men drinking tea, too, and
-talking, and tables were set under a canopy of cloth upon the street,
-where travelers might pass, and when such travelers stayed one heard
-a tale or two of this strange thing and that, and even perhaps some
-story-teller passed and told his tales, and indeed the inn was a merry,
-noisy place.
-
-But as he went the man met his sober cousin coming from the field for
-his first morning meal, having already worked a space since dawn, and
-this cousin called, “Where do you go and not at work?”
-
-And the man answered complaining and very weak, “That woman of mine has
-cursed me ill over some small thing I scarcely know, and there is no
-pleasing her, and she cursed me so sore I had an illness in the night
-and it frightened even her so that she bade me rest myself today and I
-go to drink a little hot tea for the comfort of my belly.”
-
-Then the cousin spat and passed on, saying nothing, for he was by
-nature a man who did not speak unless he must, and kept what few
-thoughts he had close in him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-So was the man impatient with his life and it seemed to him a thing
-not to be borne forever that there was to be no new thing for him, and
-only this wheel of days, year upon year, until he grew old and died.
-The more hard was it to him because the few travelers who came past
-the wayside inn told him of strange and wonderful things beyond the
-circle of the hills and at the mouth of the river that flowed past
-them. There the river met the sea, they said, and there was a vast city
-full of people of many hues of skin, and money was easy come by with
-very little work for it and gaming houses everywhere and pretty singing
-girls in every gaming house, such girls as the men in this hamlet had
-never even seen and could not hope to see their lives long. Strange
-sights there were in that city, streets as smooth as threshing-floors
-and carts of every sort, houses tall as mountains and shops with
-windows filled with merchandise of all the world that ships brought
-there from over seas. A man could spend a lifetime there looking at
-those windows and he could not finish with the looking. Good food and
-plenty was there, too, sea fish and sea meats, and after he had eaten
-a man might enter into a great playhouse where there was every sort
-of play and picture, some merry to make a man burst his belly with
-laughing and some strange and fierce and some very witty and vile to
-see. And strangest thing of all was this, that in the great city all
-the night was light as day with a sort of lamp they had, not made with
-hands nor lit with any flame, but with some pure light that was caught
-from out of heaven.
-
-Sometimes the man gamed a while with such a traveler and ever the
-traveler was astonished at so skilled a gamester as he in this small
-country hamlet, and would cry, “Good fellow, you play as lucky as a
-city man, I swear, and you could play in any city pleasure house!”
-
-The man smiled to hear this, then, and he said earnestly, “Do you think
-I could in truth?” and he would say in his own heart with scorn and
-longing, “It is true there is not one in this little dull place who
-dares play with me any more, and even in the town I hold my own against
-the townsmen.”
-
-When he thought of this more than ever did he long exceedingly to
-leave this life of his upon the land he hated and often he muttered to
-himself as his hoe rose and fell lagging over the clods, “Here I be,
-young and pretty and with my luck all in my fingers, and here I be,
-stuck like a fish in a well. All I can see is this round sky over my
-head and the same sky in rain or shine, and in my house the same woman
-and one child after another and all alike weeping and brawling and
-wanting to be fed. Why should I wear my good body to the bone to feed
-them and never find any merry thing at all for me in my own life?”
-
-And indeed, when the mother had conceived and borne this last son he
-was even sullen and angered against her because she bore so easily and
-so quickly after the last birth, although very well he knew this is a
-thing for which a wife should be praised and not blamed, and he might
-complain with justice only if she were barren, but never if she bore in
-her due season every year and sons more often than not.
-
-But in these days justice was not in him. He was but a lad still in
-some ways, and younger by some two years than his wife was, as the
-custom was in those parts, where it was held fitting for a man to be
-younger than his wife, and his heart rose hot and high within him and
-it was nothing to him that he was the father of sons, seeing that he
-longed for pleasure and strange sights and any idle joy that he could
-find in some city far away.
-
-And indeed he was such a one as heaven had shaped for joy. He was well
-formed and not tall, but strong and slight and full of grace, his
-bones small and exquisite. He had a pretty face, too, his eyes bright
-and black and full of laughter at what time he was not sullen over
-something else, and when he was in good company he could always sing a
-new song of some kind and he had a quick and witty tongue, and he could
-say a thing seeming simple but full of wit and hidden coarseness such
-as the countrymen loved. He could set a whole crowd laughing with his
-songs and wit, and men and women too liked him very well. When he heard
-them laugh his heart leaped with pleasure in this power he had, and
-when he came home again and saw his wife’s grave face and sturdy body
-it seemed to him that only she did not know him for the fine man he
-truly was, for only she never praised him. It was true he made no joke
-in his own house and he was seldom merry even with his own children.
-He was such a one as seemed to save all his good humor and his merry,
-lovable looks for strangers and for those who were not of his own house.
-
-And the woman knew this, too, so that half it angered her and half it
-was a pain when other women cried, “That man of yours, I do declare his
-tongue is good as any play, and his quick merry looks--”
-
-And she would answer quietly, “Aye, a very merry man, truly,” and would
-talk then of other things to hide her pain, because she loved him
-secretly. And she knew he was never merry when he was with her.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Now it happened that in the new summer time when the mother had borne
-her fourth child, the most evil quarrel that ever was between the man
-and woman came to pass. It was on a day in the sixth month of the year
-and it was early summer and it was such a day in that summer as might
-set any man to dreaming of new joy, and so that man had dreamed the
-whole morning long. The air was so full of languor and soft warmth,
-the leaves and grass so newly green, and the sky so bright and deep a
-blue that scarcely could he work at all. He could not sleep, either,
-for that day was too full of life for sleep, and the great heat not
-yet come. Even the birds made continual songs and chirping and there
-was a sweet wind, teasing and blowing now this fragrance and that down
-from the hill where yellow fragrant lilies bloomed and wild wistaria
-hung in pale purple wreaths. The wind blew against the sky, too, and
-shifted the great billowing clouds as white as snow, and they floated
-across the bright sky and set the hills and valley in such vivid light
-and darkness as are seldom seen, so that now it was bright and now
-shadowy, and there was no repose in the day. It was a day too merry for
-work, and very disturbing to the heart of any man.
-
-In the noontime of that bright day it happened that a pedlar of summer
-stuffs came through the countryside, and he carried on his shoulder
-a great heap of his stuffs, of every hue and shade, and some were
-flowered, and as he went he called, “Cloth--good cloth for sale!”
-
-When he came to this house where the man and the woman and the old
-mother and the little children sat in the shade of their willow tree
-and ate their noon meal he halted and cried, “Shall I stay, goodwife,
-and show you my stuffs?”
-
-But the mother called back, “We have no money to buy, unless it be a
-foot of some common cheap stuff for this new son of mine. We be but
-poor farmer folk and not able to buy new clothes nor much of any stuffs
-except such as must be had to keep us from bareness!”
-
-And the old woman, who must always put in her bit, cried in her little
-old shrill voice, “Aye, it is true what my daughter-in-law says, and
-the stuffs be very poor these days and washed to shreds in a time or
-two, and I mind when I was young I wore my grandmother’s coat and it
-was good till I was married and needing something new but still only
-for pride’s sake, for the coat was good enough still, but here I be in
-my second shroud and nearly ready for a third, the stuffs be so poor
-and weak these days--”
-
-Then the pedlar came near, scenting sale, and he was a man with very
-pleasant and courteous coaxing ways such as pedlars have, and he
-humored the mother and had a good kindly word for the old woman, too,
-and he said to her, “Old mother, here I have a bit of cloth as good as
-any the ancients had and good enough even for that new grandson you
-have--goodwife, it is a bit left from a large piece that a rich lady
-bought in a great village I went through today, and she bought it for
-her only son. Of her I did ask the honest price seeing she cut from a
-whole piece, but since there is only this bit left, I will all but give
-it to you, goodwife, in honor of the fine new son you have there at
-your breast.”
-
-So saying these words smoothly and as though all in one flowing breath,
-the pedlar drew from out his pack a very pretty end of cloth, and it
-was as he said, flowered with great red peonies upon a grass-green
-ground.
-
-The old woman cried out with pleasure because her dim eyes could see
-its hues so clear and bright, and the mother loved it when she saw it.
-She looked down then at the babe upon her breast, naked except for
-a bit of old rag about its belly, and it was true he was a fat and
-handsome child, the prettiest of her three, and like the father, and he
-would look most beautiful in that bit of flowery stuff. So it seemed
-to the mother and she felt her heart grow weak in her and she said
-unwillingly, “How much is that bit then? But still I cannot buy it for
-we have scarcely enough to feed these children and this old soul and
-pay the landlord too. We cannot buy such stuffs as rich women put upon
-their only sons.”
-
-The old woman looked very doleful at this, and the little girl had
-slipped from her place and went to peer at the bright cloth, putting
-her dim eyes near to see it. Only the elder lad ate on, caring nothing,
-and the man sat idly, singing a little, careless of this bit of stuff
-for no one but a child.
-
-Then the pedlar dropped his voice low and coaxing and he held the
-cloth near the child, but not too near either, careful lest some soil
-come on it if it were not bought, and he said half whispering, “Such
-cloth--such strength--such color--I have had many a piece pass through
-my hands, but never such a piece as this. If I had a son of my own I
-would have saved it out for him, but I have only a poor barren wife who
-gives me no child at all, and why should the cloth be wasted on such as
-she?”
-
-The old woman listened to this tale and when she heard him say his wife
-was barren she was vastly diverted and she cried out, “A pity, too, and
-you so good a man! And why do you not take a little wife, good man,
-and try again and see what you can do? I ever say a man must try three
-women before he knows the fault is his--”
-
-But the mother did not hear. She sat musing and unsure, and her heart
-grew weaker still, for she looked down at her child and he was so
-beautiful with this fine new stuff against his soft golden skin and his
-red cheeks that she yielded and said, “What is your least price, then,
-for more I cannot pay?”
-
-Then the pedlar named a sum, and it was not too high and not as high
-as she had feared, and her heart leaped secretly. But she shook her
-head and looked grave and named half the sum, as the custom was in
-bargaining in those parts. This was so little that the pedlar took the
-cloth back quickly and put it in its place and made to go away again,
-and then the mother, remembering her fair child, called out a sum a
-little more, and so haggling back and forth and after many false starts
-away the pedlar made, he threw down his pack again and pulled forth
-the bit, agreeing at last to somewhat less than he had asked, and so
-the mother rose to fetch the money from the cranny in the earthen wall
-where it was kept.
-
-Now all this time the man sat idly by, singing, and his high voice
-made soft and small and stopping sometimes to sup down his hot water
-that he drank always after he had eaten, and he took no part in this
-bargain. But the pedlar being a very clever fellow and eager to turn
-to his account every passing moment, took care to spread out seemingly
-in carelessness a piece of grass cloth that he had, and it was that
-cloth made of wild flax which cools the flesh upon a hot day in summer,
-and in color it was like the sky, as clear, as blue. Then the pedlar
-glanced secretly at the man to see if the man saw it, and he said half
-laughing, “Have you bought a robe for yourself yet this summer? For
-if you have not, I have it for you here, and at a price I swear is
-cheaper than it can be bought in any shop in town.”
-
-But the man shook his head and a dark look came down upon his idle,
-pretty face, and he said with bitterness, “I have nothing wherewith to
-buy myself anything in this house. Work I have and nothing else, and
-all I gain for it is more to feed, the more I work.”
-
-Now the pedlar had passed through many a town and countryside and it
-was his trade to know men’s faces and he saw at a glance that this man
-was one who loved his pleasure, and that he was like a lad held down
-to life he was not ready for, and so he said in seeming kindliness and
-pity, “It is true that I can see you have a very hard life and little
-gain, and from your fine looks I see it is too hard a life. But if
-you buy yourself a new robe you will find it like a very potent new
-medicine to put pleasure in your heart. There is nothing like a new
-summer robe to put joy in a man, and with that ring upon your finger
-shined and cleaned and your hair smoothed with a bit of oil and this
-new robe upon you, I swear I could not see a prettier man even in a
-town.”
-
-Now the man heard this and it pleased him and he laughed aloud half
-sheepishly, and then he remembered himself and said, “And why should
-I not for once have a new robe for myself? There is nothing ahead but
-one after another of these young ones, and am I forever to wear my
-old rags?” And he stooped swiftly and fingered the good stuff in his
-fingers and while he looked at it the old mother was excited by the
-thought and she cried, “It is a very fair piece, my son, and if you
-must have a robe then this is as pretty a blue robe as ever I did see,
-and I remember once your father had such a robe--was it when we were
-wed? But no, I was wed in winter, yes, in winter, for I sneezed so at
-the wedding and the men laughed to see a bride sneezing so--”
-
-But the man asked suddenly and roughly, “How much will it be for a
-robe?”
-
-Now when the pedlar said the price, at that moment the mother came
-forth with the money in her hand counted and exact to the last penny
-and she cried out alarmed, “We can spend no more!”
-
-At that cry of hers some desire hardened in the man and he said
-wilfully, “But I will have myself a robe cut from this piece and I like
-it very well so that I will have it for the once! There are those three
-silver pieces I know we have.”
-
-Now those three coins were of good value and coins the mother had
-brought with her when she came to be wed, and her own mother had handed
-them to her for her own when she left her home. They were her precious
-possession and she had never found the hour when she could spend them.
-Even when she had bought the coffin for the old mother when they
-thought her dying, she had pinched and borrowed and would not spend her
-own, and often the thought of those three silver pieces was in her mind
-for safe riches, and they were there if ever times grew too hard, some
-war or hardship that might come at any hour and lose them the fruits of
-their land. With those three coins in the wall she knew they could not
-starve for a while. So now she cried, “That silver we cannot spend!”
-
-But the man leaped up as swift as a swallow and darted past her in
-a fury and he went to that cranny and searched in it and seized the
-silver. Yet the woman was after him, too, and she caught him and held
-him and hung to him as he ran. But she was not quick enough and never
-quick enough for his litheness. He threw her aside so that she fell
-upon the earthen floor, and the child still in her arms, and he ran out
-shouting as he ran, “Cut me off twelve feet of it and the foot and more
-to spare that is the custom!”
-
-This the pedlar made haste to do, and he took the silver coins quickly,
-although indeed they were somewhat less than he had asked, but he was
-anxious to be away and yet have his stuff sold, too. When the mother
-came out at last the pedlar was gone and the man stood in the green
-shade of the tree, the blue stuff bright and new in his two hands, and
-her silver gone. The old woman sat afraid and when she saw the mother
-come she began in haste to speak of this or that in a loud creaky
-voice, “A very pretty blue, my son, and not dear, and a long summer
-since you had a grass cloth--”
-
-But the man looked blackly at the woman, his face dark and red, and he
-roared at her, still bold with his anger, “Will you make it, then, or
-shall I take it to some woman and pay her to make it and tell her my
-wife will not?”
-
-But the mother said nothing. She sat down again upon her little stool
-and she sat silent at first, pale and shaken with her fall, and the
-child she held still screamed in fright. But she paid no heed to him.
-She set him on the ground to scream, and twisted up afresh the knot of
-her loosened hair. She panted for a while and swallowed once or twice
-and at last she said, not looking at the man, “Give it to me then. I
-will make it.”
-
-She was ashamed to have another do it and know the quarrel more than
-they did now, watching from their doors when they heard the angry cries.
-
-But from that day on the woman harbored this hour against the man. Even
-while she cut the cloth and shaped it, and she did it well and the best
-she knew to do, for it was good stuff and worth good care, still she
-took no pleasure in the work and while she made the robe she stayed
-hard and silent with the man, and she said no small and easy thing
-about the day or what had happened in the street or any little thing
-such as contented women say about a house. And because she was hard
-with him in these small ways the man was sullen and he did not sing
-and as soon as he had eaten he went away to the wayside inn and he sat
-there among the men and drank his tea and gambled far into the night,
-so that he must needs sleep late the next day. When he did so in usual
-times she would scold him and keep him miserable until he gave over
-for peace’s sake, but now she let him sleep and she went alone to the
-fields, hard and silent against him whatever he might do, though her
-heart was dreary, too, while she kept it hard.
-
-Even when the robe was done at last, and she was long in making it
-because there was the rice to be set and planted, even when it was
-done she said nothing of how it looked upon him. She gave it to him
-and he put it on and he shined his ring with bits of broken stone and
-he smoothed his hair with oil he poured from the kitchen bottle and he
-went swaggering down the street.
-
-Yet even when this one and that cried out to him how fine he was and
-how fine his robe, he took no full sweet pleasure in himself as he
-might have done. She had said no word to him. No, when he had lingered
-at the door an instant she went on with her task, bending to the
-short-handled broom and sweeping about the house and never looking up
-to ask if the robe fitted him or if his body was suited to its shape,
-as she was wont to do if she had made him even so much as a pair of new
-shoes. At last he had even said, half shy, “It seems to me you have
-sewed this robe better than any robe I ever had, and it fits me as a
-townsman’s does.”
-
-But still she would not look up. She set the broom in its corner and
-went and fetched a roll of cotton wool and set herself to spinning it
-to thread, since she had used her store in the making of the blue robe.
-At last she answered bitterly, “At the cost it was to me it should
-look like an emperor’s robe.”
-
-But she would not look at him, no, not even when he flung himself down
-the street. She would not even look at him secretly when his back was
-turned because she was so bitter against him, although her heart knew
-the blue robe suited him well.
-
-
-
-
-V
-
-
-Through that day long the mother watched for the man to come home. It
-was a day when the fields could be left to their own growing, for the
-rice was planted in its pools, and in the shallow water and in the warm
-sunlight the green young plants waved their newly forming heads in the
-slight winds. There was no need to go out to the land that day.
-
-So the mother sat under the willow tree spinning and the old woman
-came to sit beside her, glad of one to listen to what she said, and
-while she talked she unfastened her coat and stretched her thin old
-withered arms in the hot sun and felt the good heat in her bones, and
-the children ran naked in the sunshine too. But the mother sat silently
-on, twisting the spindle with a sure movement between her thumb and the
-finger she wet on her tongue, and the thread came out close spun and
-white, and when she had made a length of it she wound it about a bit of
-bamboo polished smooth to make a spool. She spun as she did all things,
-firmly and well, and the thread was strong and hard.
-
-Slowly the sun climbed to noon and she put her spinning down and rose.
-
-“He will be coming home soon and hungry for all his blue robe,” she
-said dryly, and the old woman answered, cackling with her ready, feeble
-laughter, “Oh, aye, what is on a man’s belly is not the same as what is
-in it--”
-
-The mother went then and dipped rice with a gourd from the basket where
-they kept it stored, and she leveled the gourd with her other hand so
-not a grain was spilled, and she poured the rice into a basket made
-of finely split bamboo and went along the path to the pond’s edge,
-and as she went she looked down the street. But she saw no glimpse of
-new blue. She stepped carefully down the bank and began to wash the
-rice, dipping the basket into the water and scrubbing the grain with
-her brown strong hands, dipping it again and again until the rice
-shone clean and white as wet pearls. On her way back she stooped to
-pull a head of cabbage where it grew, and threw a handful of grass to
-the water buffalo tethered under a tree, and so she came again to the
-house. Now the elder boy came home from the street leading his sister
-by the hand, and the mother asked him quietly, “Saw you your father on
-the street or in the inn or at anyone’s door?”
-
-“He sat a while at the inn drinking tea this morning,” the boy replied,
-wondering. “And I saw his robe, new and blue, and it was pretty and our
-cousin when he knew how much it cost said it had cost my father very
-dear.”
-
-“Aye, it cost him dear, I swear!” said the mother, suddenly, her voice
-hard.
-
-And the girl piped up, echoing her brother, “Yes, his robe was
-blue--even I could see that it was blue.”
-
-But the mother said no more. The babe began to weep where he lay
-sleeping in a winnowing basket and she went and picked him up and
-opened her coat and held him to her breast, and she suckled him as she
-went to cook the meal. But first she called to the old woman, “Turn
-yourself where you sit, old mother, and watch and tell me if you see
-the new blue of his robe, and I will put the meal on the table.”
-
-“I will, then, daughter,” called the old dame cheerfully.
-
-Yet when the rice was cooked and flaked, white and dry as the man loved
-it, still he did not come. When the cabbage was tender and the woman
-had even made a bit of sweet and sour sauce to pour upon its heart, as
-he loved it, he did not come.
-
-They waited a while and the old woman grew hungry and faint with the
-smell of the food in her nostrils and she cried out, in a sudden small
-anger, being so hungry, “Wait no more for that son of mine! The water
-is leaking out of my mouth and my belly is as empty as a drum and still
-he is not here!”
-
-So the mother gave the old woman her bowl then and she fed the children
-too and even let them eat of the cabbage, only she saved the heart of
-it for him. She ate also after this, but sparingly for she seemed less
-zestful in her hunger today, somehow, so there was still much rice left
-and a good bowlful of the cabbage and this she put carefully away where
-the wind would catch it and keep it fresh. It would be as good at night
-as it was now if she heated it again. Then she gave suck to the babe,
-and he drank his fill and slept, a round, fat, sturdy child, sleeping
-in the strong sun and brown and red with its heat, and the two children
-stretched in the shade of the willow tree and slept and the old woman
-nodded on her bench, and over the whole small hamlet the peace of sleep
-and the silence of the heat of noonday fell, so that even the beasts
-stood with drooping, drowsy heads.
-
-Only the mother did not sleep. She took up her spindle and she sat
-herself in the shade of the willow tree that cast its shadow on the
-western part of the threshing-floor and she twisted the thread and
-wound it. But after a while she could not work. Through the morning she
-had worked steadily and smoothly, twisting and turning and spinning,
-but now she could not be still. It was as though some strange anxiety
-gathered like a power in her body. She had never known the man not to
-come home for his food. She murmured to herself, “It must be he has
-gone into the town to game or for something or other.”
-
-This she had not thought of, but the more she thought upon it the
-more it seemed true that so he had done. And after a while her
-cousin-neighbor came out to go to his fields and after a while his
-wife awoke from where she had sat sleeping by a tree, and she called,
-“Has your man gone for the day somewhere?”
-
-The mother answered easily, “Aye, he has gone to the town on some
-business of his own,” and the cousin searching slowly among his hoes
-and spades for what he wanted called in his thin voice, “Aye, I saw him
-gay in his new blue robe and set for town!”
-
-“Aye,” said the woman.
-
-Now her heart eased itself somewhat, and she fell to spinning again
-with more zeal, since the cousin had seen him set for town. He had gone
-for a day’s pleasure, doubtless, flinging himself off for the day to
-revenge himself on her. It was what he would do with his new gown and
-that brass ring of his scrubbed bright and clean and his hair covered
-with oil. She nursed her anger somewhat at the thought. But her anger
-was dead, and she could not make it live again, because it was mingled
-with some strange anxiety still, for all the cousin’s words.
-
-The afternoon wore on long and hot. The old woman woke and cried that
-her mouth was dry as bark and the mother rose and fetched her tea to
-drink, and the children woke and rolled in the dust a while and rose at
-last to play, and the babe woke and lay merry in his basket, happy with
-his sleep.
-
-Still the mother could not rest. If she could have slept she would
-have, and on any common day she could have dropped easily into sleep
-even as she worked, since she was so sound and robust that sleep came
-on her deep and sweet and without her seeking it. But there was some
-gnawing in her heart today that held her wide awake and as though she
-listened for some sound that must come.
-
-She rose at last impatient with her waiting and weary of the empty
-street that was empty for her so long as she did not see the one she
-sought, and she took up the babe and set him on her thigh and she took
-her hoe and went to the field, and she called to the old woman, “I go
-to weed the corn on the south hillside.” And as she went she thought to
-herself that it would be easier if she were not at the house, and the
-hours would pass more quickly if she pushed her body to some hard labor.
-
-So through the afternoon she worked in the corn field, her face
-shielded from the sun’s heat with a blue cotton kerchief, and up and
-down she moved her hoe unceasingly among the green young corn. It was
-but a small, ragged field, for all of their land which could bear it
-they put into rice, terracing even the hillsides as high as water could
-be forced, because rice is a more dainty food than corn and sells for
-higher price.
-
-The sun poured down upon the shadeless hill and beat upon her and
-soon her coat was wet and dark with her sweat. But she would not rest
-at all except sometimes to suckle the babe when he cried, and then
-she sat flat on the earth and suckled him and wiped her hot face and
-stared across the brilliant summer land, seeing nothing. When he was
-satisfied she put him down again to work once more and she worked until
-her body ached and her mind was numb and she thought of nothing now
-except of those weeds falling under the point of her hoe and withering
-in the dry hot sunshine. At last the sun rested on the edge of the land
-and the valley fell into sudden shadow. Then she straightened herself
-and wiped her wet face with her coat and she muttered aloud, “Surely he
-will be home waiting--I must go to make his food.” And picking up the
-child from the bed of soft earth where she had laid him she went home.
-
-But he was not there. When she turned the corner of the house he was
-not there. The old woman was peering anxiously toward the field, and
-the two children sat upon the doorstep waiting and weary and they cried
-out when they saw her and she said bewildered, “Your father--is he not
-come yet?”
-
-“He has not come and we are hungry,” cried the boy, and the girl
-echoed in her broken, childish way, “Not come, and we are hungry!”
-and sat with her eyes fast shut against the piercing last golden rays
-of the sun. And the old mother rose and hobbled to the edge of the
-threshing-floor and called out shrilly to the cousin coming home, “Saw
-you my son anywhere?”
-
-But the mother cried out in sudden impatience, “Let be, old mother! Do
-not tell all he is not come!”
-
-“Well, but he does not,” said the old woman, peering, troubled.
-
-But the mother said no more. She fetched cold rice for the children and
-heated a little water and poured it over the rice for the old woman
-and found a morsel of some old food for the dog, and while they ate
-she went down the street, the babe upon her arm, to the wayside inn.
-There were but few guests there now, and only a scattered one or two on
-his way home to some near village, for it was the hour when men are in
-their homes and the day’s work done. If he were there, she thought, he
-would be sitting at a table nearest the street where he could hear and
-see whatever passed, or at a table with a guest, for he would not be
-alone if he could help it, or if there was a game going on, he would be
-in the middle of it. But although she stared as she came there was no
-glint of a new blue robe and no clatter of gambling upon a table. She
-went and looked within the door then, but he was not there. Only the
-innkeeper stood resting himself after the evening meal and he leaned
-against the wall by his stove, his face black with the smoke and grease
-of many days, for in such a blackish trade as his it seemed to him but
-little use to wash himself, seeing he was black again so soon.
-
-“Have you seen the father of my children?” the mother called.
-
-But the innkeeper picked at his teeth with his black fingernail and
-sucked and called back idly, “He sat here a while in that new blue
-robe of his this morning and then he went townward for the day.” And
-smelling some new gossip he cried afresh, “What--has aught happened,
-goodwife?”
-
-“Nothing--nothing--” replied the mother in haste. “He had business in
-the town and it kept him late, I dare swear, and it may be he will
-spend the night somewhere and come home tomorrow.”
-
-“And what business?” asked the innkeeper suddenly curious.
-
-“How can I know, being but a woman?” she answered and turned away.
-
-But on the way home while her lips called answer back to those who
-called to her as she passed, she thought of something. When she reached
-the house she went in and went to that cranny and felt in it. It was
-empty. Well she knew there had been a precious small store of copper
-coins there, and a small silver bit, too, because he had sold the rice
-straw for a good price a day or two ago, being clever at such things,
-and he brought a good part of the money back. She had taken it from him
-and counted it and put it into the cranny and there it should be. But
-it was not there.
-
-Then she knew indeed that he was gone. It came over her in a daze that
-he was truly gone. She sat down suddenly there in the earthen house
-upon the earthen floor and holding the babe in her arms she rocked
-herself back and forth slowly and in silence. Well, he was gone! Here
-was she with the three children and the old woman, and he gone!
-
-The babe began to fret suddenly and without knowing what she did she
-opened her bosom to him. The two children came in, the girl whimpering
-and rubbing her eyes, and the old woman came in leaning on her staff
-and saying over and over, “I do wonder where is my son. Daughter, did
-my son say where he was? A very strange thing where my son is gone--”
-
-Then the mother rose and said, “He will be back tomorrow, doubtless,
-old mother. Lie you down now and sleep. He will be back tomorrow.”
-
-The old mother listened and echoed, comforted, “Oh, aye, back tomorrow
-doubtless,” and went to her pallet, feeling through the dim room.
-
-Then the mother led the two children into the dooryard and washed them
-as her wont was on a summer’s night before they slept, and she poured a
-gourdful of water over each of them, rubbing their smooth brown flesh
-clean with her palm as she poured. But she did not hear what they
-said, nor did she heed the girl’s moaning of her eyes. Only when they
-went to the bed and the boy cried, astonished that his father was not
-come, “And where does my father sleep, then?”--only then did the mother
-answer out of her daze, “Doubtless in the town, for he will come home
-tomorrow or in a day or so,” and she added in sudden anger, “Doubtless
-when that bit of money is gone he will be home again,” and she added
-again and most bitterly, “And that new blue robe will be filthy and
-ready for me to wash already, doubtless!”
-
-And she was somehow glad she could be angry at him, and she held her
-anger, clinging to it, because it made him seem more near, and she
-clung to it while she led in the beast and barred the door against the
-night and she muttered, “I dare swear I shall be just asleep when he
-comes pounding at the door, even tonight!”
-
-But in the dark night, in the still, hot night, in the silence of the
-closed room, her anger went out of her and she was afraid. If he did
-not come back what would she do, a lone woman and young?... The bed
-was enormous, empty. She need take no care tonight, she might spread
-her arms and legs out as she would. He was gone. Suddenly there fell
-upon her the hottest longing for that man of hers. These six years
-she had lain against him. Angry she might be with him in the day, but
-at night she was near to him again and she forgot his idle ways and
-his childishness. She remembered now how good and fair he was to look
-upon, not coarse in the mouth and foul of breath as most men are, but a
-very fair young man to see, and his teeth as white as rice. So she lay
-longing for him, and all her anger was gone out of her and only longing
-left.
-
-When the morning came she rose weary with her sleeplessness, and again
-she could be hard. When she rose and he did not come and she had turned
-the beasts out and fed the children and the old woman, she hardened
-herself and over and over she muttered half aloud, “He will come when
-his money is gone--very well I know he will come then!”
-
-When the boy stared at the emptiness of the bed and when he asked
-astonished, “Where is my father still?” she replied sharply and in a
-sudden loud voice, “I say he is away a day or two, and if any asks you
-on the street you are to say he is away a day or so.”
-
-Nevertheless on that day when the children were off to play here and
-there she did not go to the fields. No, she set her stool so that
-she could see through the short single street of the hamlet if any
-came that way, and while she made answer somehow to the old mother’s
-prattling she thought to herself that the blue robe was so clear a blue
-she could see it a long way off and she set herself to spinning, and
-with every twist she gave to the spindle she looked secretly down the
-road. And she counted over in her mind the money he had taken and how
-many days it might last, and it seemed to her it could not last more
-than six or seven days, except he had those nimble lucky fingers of his
-to game with and so he might make more and stay a little longer, too,
-before he must come back. Times there were as the morning wore on when
-she thought she could not bear the old mother’s prattling voice any
-more, but she bore it still for the hope of seeing the man come home
-perhaps.
-
-When the children wandered home at noon hungry and the boy spied the
-cabbage bowl set aside for his father and asked for some, she would
-not let him have it. She cuffed him soundly when he asked again and she
-answered loudly, “No, it is for your father. If he comes home tonight
-he will be hungry and want it all for himself.”
-
-The long still summer’s afternoon wore on, and he did not come, and the
-sun set in its old way, heavy and full of golden light, and the valley
-was filled with the light for a little while, and the night came and it
-was deep and dark and now she refused no more. She set the bowl before
-the children and she said, “Eat what you will, for it will spoil if it
-is left until another day, and who knows--” and she dipped up some of
-the sweet and sour sauce and gave it to the old woman saying, “Eat it,
-and I will make fresh if he comes tomorrow.”
-
-“Will he come tomorrow then?” the old woman asked, and the mother
-answered sombrely, “Aye, tomorrow perhaps.”
-
-That night she laid herself down most sorrowful and afraid upon her bed
-and this night she said openly to her own heart that none knew if he
-would ever come back again.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Nevertheless, there was the hope of the seven days when his money might
-be gone. One by one the seven days came, and in each one it seemed to
-her in the midst of her waiting as though the day was come for his
-return. She had never been a woman to gad about the little hamlet or
-chatter overmuch with the other women there. But now one after another
-of these twenty or so came by to see and ask, and they asked where her
-man was, and they cried, “We are all one house in this hamlet and all
-somehow related to him and kin,” and at last in her pride the mother
-made a tale of her own and she answered boldly, from a sudden thought
-in her head, “He has a friend in a far city, and the friend said there
-was a place there he could work and the wage is good so that we need
-not wear ourselves upon the land. If the work is not suited to him he
-will come home soon, but if it be such work as he thinks fit to him, he
-will not come home until his master gives him holiday.”
-
-This she said as calmly as she ever spoke a truth, and the old woman
-was astounded and she cried, “And why did you not tell me so good a
-lucky thing, seeing I am his mother?”
-
-And the mother made a further tale and she answered, “He told me not
-to speak, old mother, because he said your tongue was as loose in your
-mouth as any pebble and all the street would know more than he did, and
-if he did not like it he would not have them know it.”
-
-“Did he so, then!” cackled the old mother, leaning forward on her staff
-to peer at her daughter’s face, her old empty jaws hanging, and she
-said half hurt, “It is true I ever was a good talker, daughter, but not
-so loose as any pebble!”
-
-Again and again the mother told the tale and once told she added to it
-now and then to make it seem more perfect in its truth.
-
-Now there was one woman who came often past her house, a widow woman
-who lived in an elder brother’s house, and she had not overmuch to do,
-being widowed and childless, and she sat all day making little silken
-flowers upon a shoe she made for herself, and she could ponder long on
-any little curious thing she heard. So she pondered on this strange
-thing of a man gone, and one day she thought of something and she ran
-down the street as fast as she could on her little feet and she cried
-shrewdly to the mother, “But there has no letter come a long time to
-this hamlet and I have not heard of any letter coming to that man of
-yours!”
-
-She went secretly to the only man who knew how to read in the hamlet,
-and he wrote such few letters as any needed to have written and read
-such as came for any, and so added a little to his livelihood. This man
-the widow asked secretly, “Did any letter come for Li The First, who
-was son to Li The Third in the last generation?”
-
-And when the man said no, the gossip cried out, “But there was a
-letter, or so his wife says, and but a few days ago.”
-
-Then the man grew jealous lest they had taken the letter to some other
-village writer and he denied again and again, and he said, “Very well I
-know there was no letter, nor any answering letter, nor has anyone come
-to me to read or write or to buy a stamp to put on any letter and I am
-the only one who has such stamps. And there has not come so much as a
-letter carrier this way for twenty days or more.”
-
-Then the widow smelled some strange thing and she told everywhere,
-whispering that the wife of Li The First lied and there had been no
-letter and doubtless the husband had run away and left his wife. Had
-there not been a great quarrel over the new robe, so that the whole
-hamlet heard them cursing each other, and the man had pushed her down
-and struck her even? Or so the children said.
-
-But when the talk leaked through to the mother she answered stoutly
-that what she said was true and that she had made the new blue robe on
-purpose for the man to go to the far town, and that the quarrel was for
-another thing. As for the letter, there was no letter but the news had
-come by word of mouth from a traveling pedlar who had come in from the
-coast.
-
-Thus did the mother lie steadfastly and well, and the old woman
-believed the tale heartily and cried out often of her son and how rich
-he would be, and the mother kept her face calm and smooth and she did
-not weep as women do when their men run away and shame them. At last
-the tale seemed true to all, and even the gossip was silenced somewhat
-and could only mutter darkly over her silken flowers, “We will see--as
-time comes, we will see if there is money sent or any letter written,
-or if he comes home ever and again.”
-
-So the little stir in the hamlet died down and the minds of people
-turned to other things and they forgot the mother and her tale.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Then did the mother set herself steadfastly to her life. The seven days
-were long past and the man did not come and the rice ripened through
-the days and hung heavy and yellow and ready for the harvest and he
-did not come. The woman reaped it alone then except for two days when
-the cousin came and helped her when his own rice was cut and bound in
-sheaves. She was glad of his help and yet she feared him too, for he
-was a man of few words, honest and few, and his questions were simple
-and hard not to answer truthfully. But he worked silently and asked
-her nothing and he said nothing except the few necessary words he must
-until he went away, and then he said, “If he is not come when the time
-is here to divide the grain with the landlord, I will help you then,
-for the new agent is a wily, clever man, and of a sort ill for a woman
-to do with alone.”
-
-She thanked him quietly, glad of his help, for she knew the agent but
-a little, since he was new in the last years to those parts, and a
-townsman who had a false heartiness in all he did and said.
-
-So day had passed into month, and day after day the woman had risen
-before the dawn and she left the children and the old woman sleeping,
-and she set their food ready for them to eat when they woke, and taking
-the babe with her in one arm and in her other hand the short curved
-sickle she must use in reaping she set out to the fields. The babe was
-large now and he could sit alone and she set him down upon the earth
-and let him play as he would, and he filled his hands with earth and
-put it to his mouth and ate of it and spat it out hating it and yet he
-forgot and ate of it again until he was covered with the muddy spew.
-But whatever he did the mother could not heed him. She must work for
-two and work she did, and if the child cried he must cry until she was
-weary and could sit down to rest and then she could put her breast to
-his earthy mouth and let him drink and she was too weary to care for
-the stains he left upon her.
-
-Handful by handful she reaped the stiff yellow grain, bending to every
-handful, and she heaped it into sheaves. When gleaners came to her
-field to glean what she might drop, as beggars and gleaners do at
-harvest time, she turned on them, her face dark with sweat and earth,
-and drawn with the bitterness of labor, and she screamed curses at
-them, and she cried, “Will you glean from a lone woman who has no
-man to help her? I am poorer than you, you beggars, and you cursed
-thieves!” And she cursed them so heartily and she so cursed the mothers
-that bore them and the sons they had themselves that at last they let
-her fields be, because they were afraid of such powerful cursing.
-
-Then sheaf by sheaf she carried the rice to the threshing-floor and
-there she threshed it, yoking the buffalo to the rude stone roller they
-had, and she drove the beast all through the hot still days of autumn,
-and she drove herself, too. When the grain was threshed, she gathered
-the empty straw and heaped it and tossed the grain up and winnowed it
-in the winds that came sometimes.
-
-Now she pressed the boy into labor too and if he lagged or longed to
-play she cuffed him out of her sheer weariness and the despair of her
-driven body. But she could not make the ricks. She could not heap the
-sheaves into the ricks, for this the man had always done, since it was
-a labor he hated less than some, and he did it always neatly and well
-and plastered the tops smooth with mud. So she asked the cousin to
-teach her this one year and she could do it thenceforth with the boy if
-the man stayed longer than a year, and the cousin came and showed her
-how and she bent her body to the task and stretched and threw the grass
-to him as he sat on top of the rick and spread it, and so the rice was
-harvested.
-
-She was bone-thin now with her labor and with being too often weary,
-and every ounce of flesh was gone from her, and her skin was burnt a
-dark brown except the red of cheeks and lips. Only the milk stayed in
-her breasts rich and full. Some women there are whose food goes all to
-their own fat and none to child or food for child, but this woman was
-made for children, and her motherhood would rob her own body ruthlessly
-if there was any need for child.
-
-Then came the day set for measuring out the landlord’s share of all
-the harvest. Now this landlord of the hamlet and the fields about it
-never came himself to fetch his share. He lived an idle rich man in
-some far city or other, since the land was his from his fathers, and he
-sent in his place his agent, and this year it was a new agent, for his
-old agent had left him the last year, being rich enough after twenty
-years to cease his labors. This new agent came now and he came to every
-farmer in that hamlet, and the mother waited at her own door, the grain
-heaped on the threshing-floor and waiting, and the agent came.
-
-He was a townsman, head to foot, a tall, smooth man, his gown gray silk
-and leathern shoes on his feet, and he had a large smooth hand he put
-often to his shaven lip, and when he moved a scent of some sort came
-from him. The mother hung back when he came and when he called, “Where
-is the farmer?” the woman waited and let the old mother pipe forth, “My
-son he works in the city now, and there be only we upon the land.”
-
-And the woman sent the lad for the cousin and she waited silently,
-coming forward to hand the man his tea but saying nothing but common
-greeting, yet feeling his eyes somehow hot upon her bare feet and on
-her face. And she stood by while the cousin measured off the grain
-for her, and measured the share the agent took for his own, and the
-woman was glad she needed to say nothing nor even come near to see
-the weight, so honest was her cousin. But she saw the grain divided
-and hard it was too, as it was hard for every farmer, to give to this
-smooth townsman his own share in what they had labored on. But they
-gave grimly, and so did she, knowing that if they did not they would
-suffer, and besides the landlord’s share they gave the agent a fat fowl
-or two or a measure of rice or some eggs or even silver for his private
-fee.
-
-More than this, when all the grain was measured out the village must
-set a feast before the agent and every house must give a dish. Even in
-this lonely year the mother caught a fowl and killed it and cooked it
-for the feast, steaming it gently and long until it was done and while
-the shape was whole and the skin unbroken, yet was the flesh so tender
-that when the first chopsticks touched it it would fall apart. The
-savor of that fowl and its smell when it had cooked so many hours were
-more than the children could endure and they hung about the kitchen and
-the boy cried, “I wish it were for us--I wish we ever could eat a fowl
-ourselves!”
-
-But the mother was bitter with her weariness and she answered, “Who can
-eat such meat except a rich man?”
-
-Nevertheless when the feast was over she went to the littered table
-where the men had sat and she picked up a bone left from her fowl and
-a little skin was hanging to it and a shred of meat and she took it and
-gave it to the lad to suck and she said, “Hasten and grow big, my son,
-and you can eat at table with them too.”
-
-Then the boy asked innocently, “Do you think my father will let me?”
-
-The mother answered bitterly, “If he is not here you shall eat in his
-place, that I swear.”
-
- * * * * *
-
-Thus the year wore on to late autumn. Almost the children had forgotten
-that there had ever been another in the bed except themselves and
-their mother, and even the old woman seldom thought to ask of her son,
-because the chill winds set her old bones aching, and she had enough
-to do to search for this warm spot and that out of wind and in the
-sun, and she complained incessantly because the winds shifted so, and
-because every year the sun seemed cooler than the year before.
-
-The boy worked daily now in small ways and took it as his duty. Every
-day when there was no other task he led the buffalo to the hill lands
-and let it feed on the short grass, lying upon its back the whole day
-through, or coming down to leap upon some grave and sit there catching
-crickets in the grass and weaving little cages for them out of stems of
-grass. When he came home at night he hung the cages by the door, and
-the crickets chirped and the sound pleased the babe and his sister.
-
-But soon the wild grass on the hills browned with coming winter and
-the summer flowers among the grass bore seed and the byways were gay
-with purple asters and with small yellow wild chrysanthemums, which are
-the flowers of autumn, and it was time to cut the grass for winter’s
-fuel. Then the boy went with his mother and all day she cut the dried
-grass with her short-handled sickle and the boy twisted rope of grass
-and bound what she cut into sheaves. Everywhere over all the mountain
-sides there were spots of blue and these were people like themselves
-cutting and binding the brown grass into sheaves. In the evening when
-the sun set and the night air came down chill from the hill tops the
-people all went winding homeward through the narrow hilly paths, each
-loaded with two great sheaves upon a pole across the shoulder, and so
-did the mother also, and the boy with two little sheaves.
-
-When they came home the first thing the mother did was to seize the
-babe and ease her breasts of their load of milk and the child drank
-hungrily, having had but rice gruel in the day. The old woman these
-cold early nights crept into bed to warm herself as soon as the sun was
-set and the little girl came feeling her way out into the last light of
-day, wincing a little even in that pale light, and she sat smiling on
-the threshold, rejoicing in her brother’s coming, for she missed him
-now he had to work.
-
-So did the autumn pass, and here was the ground to be ploughed for
-wheat and the wheat sown and the mother taught the lad how to scatter
-it so that a passing wind would help him and how to watch the wind,
-too, and not let the grain fall too thickly here and too scanty there.
-Then the winter came when the wheat was sprouted but a little, and the
-fields shrank and hardened in the oncoming cold. Now the mother drew
-the winter garments out from under her bed where she kept them and she
-sunned them and made them ready to wear. But the rough work of the
-summer and the autumn had so torn her hands that even the coarse cotton
-cloth caught at the cracks upon them and her fingers were stiff and
-hard, although shapely still in the bone.
-
-Yet she worked on, sitting now in the doorway to be in the southern
-sun and out of the sharp wind and first she tended to the old woman’s
-garments, since she felt the chill so much. And she bade the old woman
-stay in bed a day or two and take off the red shroud she wore, and
-in between the stuff and its lining she put back the cotton wadding
-she had taken out when summer came, and the old woman lay snug and
-chattered happily and cried, “Shall I outlast this shroud, do you
-think, daughter-in-law? In summer time I feel I shall, but when the
-winter comes I am not sure, because my food does not heat me as once it
-did.”
-
-And the mother answered absently, “Oh, you will last, I dare swear, old
-mother, and I never saw such an old crone for lasting on when others
-have gone the common way.”
-
-Then the old woman cackled full of pleasure and she cackled, laughing
-and coughing, “Aye, a very lasting sort I be, I know!” and lay content
-and waited for her shroud to be made warm for her again.
-
-And the mother mended the children’s clothing, but the girl’s garments
-she must give to the babe, and the boy’s to the girl, so had they all
-three grown in the year. Then came the question of what the lad would
-wear to keep him warm. There was the man’s padded coat and there the
-trousers that he had worn those three winters gone and he had torn them
-and she had mended them at wrist and neck, and in the front was a long
-tear where the buffalo’s horn had caught one day when he was angry at
-the beast and had jerked the rope passed through its nostrils, so that
-it tossed its head in agony.
-
-But she could not bear to cut them small to the lad’s shape. She turned
-the garments over pondering and aching and at last she muttered, “What
-if he should come--I will not do it yet.”
-
-But there the boy was not clad for winter and he waited shivering in
-the chill of morning and evening, and at last she set her lips and
-made the garments small for him and she comforted herself and said in
-her heart, “If he comes we can sell some of the rice and buy new ones.
-If he should come at the new year he will take pleasure in the new
-garments.”
-
-So the winter wore on and it seemed to the woman that the man must
-surely come at the new year, a time when all men go to their homes if
-they still live and are not beggars. So when any asked her she began to
-say, “He will come home for the new year festival,” and the old mother
-said a score of times a day, “When my son comes at new year....” and
-the children hoped too for the day. Now and again the gossip would
-smile and say in her malice, and she was making herself a fine new pair
-of shoes against the day of festival, “It is strange no letter comes
-from that man of yours, and I know none comes, for the letter writer
-tells me so.”
-
-Then the mother would answer with outward calm, “But I have heard
-several times by mouth of one who passed, and my man and I have never
-held with much writing and the good money that must go out for it, and
-no knowing, either, what hired writers forget to say and it is all
-written and it is public for the whole street to know when once it does
-come to me. I am glad he sends no letters.”
-
-So did she silence the gossip, and so much she said he would come at
-the new year that truly it seemed to her he would. The time drew near
-and everyone in the hamlet was busy for the feast, and she must needs
-be busy, too, not only for the children, to make them new shoes and
-wash their garments clean and make a new cap for the babe, but she
-must be busy for the man, also. She filled two great baskets with the
-rice, all she dared to spare, and carried them to the town, and sold
-them at but a little less in price than the man did, and this was well
-enough, seeing she was a woman bargaining alone with men. With the
-money she bought two red candles and incense to burn before the god and
-red letters of luck to paste upon the tools and on the plough and farm
-things that she used, and she bought a little lard and sugar to make
-sweet cakes for the day. Then with what was left she went into a cloth
-shop and bought twenty feet or so of good blue cotton cloth and to
-another shop and bought five pounds of carded cotton wool for padding.
-
-Yes, she was so sure by now he would come that she even set her
-scissors in that cloth and she cut it slowly and with pains and care
-and she made a coat and trousers of the good stuff and padded them
-evenly and quilted them, and so she finished the garments to the last
-button she made of bits of cloth twisted hard and sewed fast. Then she
-put the garments away against his coming, and to all of them it seemed
-the garments brought the man more nearly home again.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But the day dawned and he did not come. No, all day long they sat in
-their clean clothes, the children clean and frightened lest they soil
-themselves, and the old woman careful not to spill her food upon her
-lap, and the mother made herself to smile steadfastly all through the
-day, and she told them all, “It is still day yet, and he may yet come
-in the day.” There came those to the door who had been good fellows
-with her man and they came to wish him well if he were come, and she
-pressed tea on them and the little cakes and when they asked she said,
-“Truly he may come today, but it may be his master cannot spare him
-days enough to come so far, and I hear his master loves him well and
-leans on him.”
-
-And when the next day the women came she said this also and she smiled
-and seemed at ease and said, “Since he is not come, there will come
-word soon, I swear, and tell me why,” and then she spoke of other
-things.
-
-So the days passed and she talked easily and the children and the old
-woman believed what she said, trusting her in everything.
-
-But in the nights, in the dark nights, she wept silently and most
-bitterly. Partly she wept because he was gone, but sometimes she wept,
-too, because she was so put to shame, and sometimes she wept because
-she was a lone woman and life seemed too hard for her with these four
-leaning on her.
-
-One day when she sat thinking of her weeping it came to her that at
-least she could spare herself the shame. Yes, when she thought of the
-money she had spent for his new garments and he did not come, and of
-the cakes she had made and of the incense burned to pray for him, and
-he did not come, and when she thought of the gossip’s sly looks and
-all her whispered hints and the wondering doubtful looks of even her
-good cousin, when time passed and still the man did not come, then it
-seemed to her she must spare herself the shame.
-
-And she wiped her tears away and plotted and she thought of this to do.
-She carried all the rice she could spare into the city and the straw
-she had to spare and she sold it. When she had the silver in her hand
-she asked for a paper bit that is as good as silver, and with it she
-went to a letter writer, a strange man in that town she did not know,
-and he sat in his little booth beside the Confucian temple. She sat
-down on the little bench near by, and she said, “I have a letter to
-write for a brother who is working and is not free to go home, and so
-say what I tell you. He is ill upon his bed, and I write for him.”
-
-Then the old man took out his spectacles and stopped staring at the
-passersby, and he took a sheet of new paper and he wet his brush upon
-the block of ink and looked at her and said, “Say on, then, but tell
-me first the brother’s wife’s name and where her home is and what your
-name is too.”
-
-Then the mother told him, “It is my brother-in-law who bids me write
-the letter to his wife and he lives in a city from whence I am but come
-newly, and my name is no matter,” and she gave her husband’s name for
-brother and the name of a far city she had known once to be near her
-girlhood home, and then for her brother’s wife’s name she gave her own
-name and where her hamlet was and she said, “Here is what he has to
-tell his wife. Tell her, ‘I am working hard and I have a good place and
-I have what I like to eat and a kind master, and all I need to do is to
-fetch his pipe and tea and take his messages to his friends. I have my
-food and three silver pieces a month besides, and out of my wage I have
-saved ten pieces that I have changed to a paper bit as good these days
-as silver. Use them for my mother and yourself and the children.’”
-
-Then she sat and waited and the old man wrote slowly and for a long
-time and at last he said, “Is that all?”
-
-And she said, “No, I have this more to say. Say, ‘I could not come at
-the new year because my master loves me so he could not spare me, but
-if I can I will come another year, and if I cannot even so I will send
-you my wage as I am able once a year, as much as I can spare.’”
-
-And again the old man wrote and she said when she had thought a while,
-“One more thing there is he is to say. Say, ‘Tell my old mother I shall
-bring red stuff for her third shroud when I come, as good stout stuff
-as can be bought.’”
-
-So the letter was complete and the old man signed the letter and sealed
-it and set the superscription and he spat upon a stamp and put it on,
-and said that he would post it in the place he knew. And she paid his
-fee and went home, and this was the thing she had plotted when she
-wiped her tears away.
-
-
-
-
-VI
-
-
-Some seven days after that day a letter carrier who carried letters in
-a bag upon his shoulder passed by, a new thing in these later days, for
-in old days there were no such men, and to the folk of this hamlet it
-was ever a magic miracle that letters could be come by like this, but
-so they were, nevertheless. And now this man took a letter from his bag
-and held it and he stared at the mother and he said, “Are you the wife
-of one surnamed Li?”
-
-Then she knew her letter had come and she said, “I am that one,” and he
-said, “Then this is yours and it is from your man, wherever he is, for
-his name is written there.” So he gave her the letter.
-
-Then she made herself cry out and she summoned false joy somehow and
-she cried to the old woman, “Here is a letter from your son!” And to
-the children she said, “Here is your father’s letter come!” They could
-scarcely wait until it was read, and the woman washed herself and put
-on a clean coat and combed her hair smoothly, and while she did she
-heard the old mother call out to the cousin’s wife, “My son’s letter is
-come!” and when she had said it she laughed and fell to coughing and
-laughing until the cousin’s wife across the way grew frightened at such
-a turmoil in the weak old body and ran over and rubbed her back and
-cried in her hearty kind way, “Good mother, do not let it kill you, I
-pray!” And when the mother came out clean and smiling she said in her
-same way, “Here be this old crone choking herself because a letter is
-come!” and the mother made her smile shine out and she said, “So it has
-and here it is,” and held the letter out for the other one to see.
-
-When she went down the street they all came crowding with her as she
-went, for the lad followed grinning and saying to all who asked that
-his father’s letter was come, and the little girl came after him,
-clinging to his coat, and since it was winter still and little to be
-done, the idle men and women followed, too, and they all crowded to the
-letter writer’s house, who was astonished at such a houseful coming in
-so suddenly. But when he heard what the matter was he took the letter
-and studied it a while and he turned it this way and that and stared at
-it, and at last he said gravely and as the first thing to be said, “It
-is from your husband.”
-
-“That I guessed,” the mother said, and the gossip who was in the crowd
-called out, “And what other man would it be, good man?” And all the
-crowd roared with ready laughter.
-
-Then the letter writer began to read the letter to her slowly and
-silence fell and the mother listened and the children and all the
-crowd, and at every word he paused to explain its full meaning,
-partly because it is true written and spoken words are not the same,
-but partly, too, to show how learned he was. And the mother listened
-as though she had never heard one word of it before, and she nodded
-at every word, and when he came to that place where it said there was
-money sent, the man raised his voice very loud and clear at such a
-serious thing, and those in the crowd gaped and cried out, “But was
-there money in it?” Then the woman nodded and she opened her hand and
-showed the paper piece into which she had changed her own silver,
-and she gave it to the letter writer to see, and he said hushed and
-solemnly, “It is true I see a ten, and it must be it is worth ten
-pieces of silver.”
-
-Then all the crowd must see it and there was a picture of a fat
-whiskered general on the paper and when the gossip saw it she cried
-out aghast, “Why, goodwife, how your man is changed!” for she supposed
-it was a picture of the man himself, and none of them was sure it was
-not except the woman and she said, “It is not my man, I know.” And the
-letter writer guessed and said, “Doubtless it is his master.” And so
-they all looked at it again and cried how rich and fed he looked. Thus
-all the crowd were silent with wonder and with envy, and they watched
-while the mother folded the bit of precious paper into her hand and
-held it there closely.
-
-So was the letter read and when the old man had finished it and folded
-it into its case again, he said gravely, “You are a very lucky wife
-and it is not every countrywoman whose man could go into a great city
-and find so good a place, or who if he did would send back his wage
-like that either, and so many places as I hear there are in towns to
-spend money in.”
-
-Then all the crowd fell back in respect for her, and she walked proudly
-home, the children following her and sharing in their mother’s glory,
-and when the mother was come she told it all to the old mother and
-especially did the old soul laugh with pleasure to hear what her son
-said of the third shroud and she cried out in her trembling, cracking
-voice and struck her skinny knees with pleasure, “That son of mine! I
-do swear there was never one like him! And doubtless that town stuff
-is very fine good stuff.” Then she grew a trifle grave and she said
-wistfully, “Aye, daughter, if it be as good as he says, I doubt I can
-wear it out before I die. It may be that one will be my last shroud.”
-
-The lad looked grave, too, when he saw his grandmother look so, and he
-cried loyally, “No, grandmother, it will not, for you have lasted two,
-and this one cannot be as strong as two!”
-
-Then the old soul was cheered again and laughed to hear the boy so
-clever, and she said to the mother, “Very well you remembered all he
-said, daughter, and almost as if you read the words yourself.”
-
-“Aye,” said the mother quietly, “I remembered every word.” And she went
-alone into the house and stood behind the door and wept silently, and
-the letter and even the bit of paper that was the same as silver were
-but ashes for all her pride. They were worthless for her when she was
-alone; there was no meaning in them then.
-
-Nevertheless, the mother’s plot worked well enough and hereafter in
-the hamlet there was none who mocked at her or hinted she was a woman
-whose man had left her. Rather did she need to harden her heart toward
-them now, because since it was known she had the paper money and that
-there would come more next year like it, some came to borrow of her
-secretly, the old letter writer one, and besides him an idle man or two
-who sent his wife to ask for him, and the woman was hard put to it to
-refuse since all in the hamlet were some sort of kin and all surnamed
-Li, but she said this and that, and that she owed the money for a debt
-and that she had spent it already or some such thing. And some cried
-out at her when they talked together idly in a dooryard, and the gossip
-said before her meaningfully how much a bit of cloth cost these days
-and even a needle or two was costly and a few strands of silken thread
-to make a flower on a shoe for color, and they all took care to cry if
-she were there, “Well is it for such as you, and a very lucky destiny,
-that you have no need to think thrice over a penny, while your man is
-out earning silver and sending it to you and you have it over and above
-what is wrest from the bitter land!” And sometimes a man would call, “I
-doubt it is a good thing to have so rich a woman in our hamlet lest
-the robbers come. Aye, robbers come where riches are, as flies to any
-honey!”
-
-It seemed to her at last that daily this bit of paper grew more
-troublesome, not only because of what the gossip said, and because this
-one and that one among the men would ask to see it close, but because
-she too was not used to money being of paper and she grew to hate the
-thing because she was ever afraid the wind might blow it away or the
-rats gnaw it or the children find it and think it nothing and tear it
-in play, and every day she must look to see if it were safe in the
-basket of stored rice where she kept it hid, because she was afraid it
-would mold in the earthen wall and rot away there. At last the thing
-grew such a burden on her that one day when she saw the cousin start
-for the town she ran to him and whispered, “Change me this bit of paper
-into hard silver, I pray, so that I can feel it in my hand, because
-this bit of paper seems nothing when I hold it.”
-
-So the cousin took it and being a righteous honest man he changed it
-into silver, good and sound in every piece, and when he was back at
-her door again he struck each piece upon another to show how sound
-all were. The mother was grateful to him and she said, although half
-unwillingly too, except she did not wish to be thought small in mind,
-“Take a piece of it for your trouble, cousin, and for your help in
-harvest, for well I know you need it and your wife swelling with
-another child.”
-
-But though he stared hard at the silver and sucked his breath in
-without knowing he did and blinked his eyes once or twice with longing
-he would not take it and he said quickly before his longing grew
-too much for him, because indeed he was a good and honest man, “No,
-cousin’s wife, for you are a lone woman and I am able to work yet.”
-
-“Well, if you need to borrow then,” she said and quickly took the
-silver out of sight, for well she knew no man can look at silver long,
-however good he is, and not grow weak with longing.
-
-In that night while the children and the old woman slept the mother
-rose and lit the candle and dug a hole with her hoe into the hard earth
-of the floor and there she hid the ten pieces of silver, but first she
-wrapped them in a bit of rag to keep the earth from them. The buffalo
-turned and stared with its great dull eyes, and the fowls woke under
-the bed and looked out at her with this eye and then with that and
-clucked faintly, astonished at this strange thing in the night. But the
-woman filled the hole and walked a while on it to make it beaten smooth
-and like the rest. Then she laid herself down again in the darkness.
-
-It was the strangest thing, but as she lay there awake and yet half
-dreaming, almost she forgot it was her own silver she had buried and
-silver she gained from the harvest she had cut herself, bending her
-back in weariness to every handful of the grain. Yes, she forgot this,
-and it seemed to her almost that the man had truly sent it to her,
-and that it was a something over and beyond her own, and she murmured
-to her heart, “It is in place of the silver bits he took and spent for
-that blue gown, and better, for it is more,” and she forgave him for
-that thing he had done, and so she fell into sleep.
-
-Thereafter when one asked to see the paper bit she answered tranquilly,
-“I have changed it for common silver and spent it,” and when the gossip
-heard it she cried out, her loose mouth ajar, “But have you spent it
-all?” the mother answered easily and she smiled, “Aye, I have spent
-it all for this and that, and a new pot or two and cloth and this and
-that, and why not when there is more to come?” And she went in the
-house and fetched out the new garments she had made for the man to
-wear if he came home and she said, “Here is some of the cloth such as
-I bought with it,” and they all stared at it and pinched the stuff and
-cried out that it was a very good strong cloth and the gossip said
-unwillingly, “You are a very good woman, I can swear, to spend the
-money, even to a share, upon clothes for him, and not all for yourself,
-or for the children.”
-
-Then the mother answered steadfastly, “But we are well content with
-each other, my man and I, and I did spend some upon myself, for I gave
-some to a silversmith and bade him fashion me some earrings and a ring
-for my hand, for my man did ever say he wanted me to have them when we
-had something over and to spare.”
-
-The old woman had listened to this all and now she cried out, “I swear
-my son is just such a man as she says, and he is to buy me my third
-shroud and of the best town stuff. A very good son, neighbors, and I
-wish as good a one to each of you, and especially to you, cousin’s
-wife, for I see your belly swollen as a ripe melon!”
-
-Then the goodwives laughed and went away again, one by one, for it was
-evening time. But when they were gone the mother groaned within herself
-at such a great tale as she had told, and she reproached herself and
-said in her own heart, “Now why need I have told such a vast tale, and
-could not be content with what was told already? Where shall I find
-money for those trinkets? Yet must I somehow do it to save myself the
-truth.”
-
-And she sighed to think of all the burden she had put upon herself.
-
-
-
-
-VII
-
-
-Once more the spring came on, and now the mother must set herself hard
-to the land and she pressed the boy into the labor, too, and she taught
-him how to drive the beast. Push the plough he could not, being so
-light and small, but he could run behind the beast and beat its thick
-slaty hide, and because its hide was so thick that all his strength
-could not pierce it, she fastened a sharp peg into a bamboo length and
-bade the boy beat with that to stir the beast out of its vast indolence.
-
-The girl child, too, the mother pressed into small simple tasks, for
-the old woman grew more idle as she grew older, and forgetful so that
-all she remembered was to know if she were hungry or athirst. Only did
-she stir if the younger boy cried and wanted something in his lusty
-way, for the grandmother loved this youngest one. So the mother taught
-the girl to wash the noon’s rice at the pond, but she let her do it
-first before she set forth to the fields, lest the child with her
-half-seeing eyes fall into the pool and drown, and she taught her how
-to cook the rice, too, against their coming, though she was so small
-she scarce could reach the cauldron lid. She taught this little thing
-even to light the fire and keep it blazing, and this the little girl
-did very well, too, and she was patient when the smoke came out and
-flew into her eyes and smarted on the lids, and she did not complain
-at anything, for she understood that now the house was without the
-father, and the mother must do for them all. Nevertheless when the task
-was done she went into the house where it was dark even at noonday and
-there she sat and wiped her streaming eyes with a bit of old cloth she
-kept for this and she bore the pain as best she could.
-
-The babe could walk, too, now that spring was come, for in the winter
-he had not tried, being burdened with his padded clothes so heavily
-that even though he fell he could not rise until someone passed by his
-way and set him right again. Now he ate what he would and thrived. But
-the mother let him suckle still because it gave her some vague comfort,
-although her breasts were well-nigh dry by now. Still it was a comfort
-to her in some dumb sweet way that the child clung to her breast and
-that he ran to meet her when he saw her coming home at night and cried
-to drink what little was there for him.
-
-Thus the early spring came into full mild spring, and the mother
-labored hard with the boy beside her all day long, and the fields were
-ploughed somehow, if not so straight or deep as the man had ploughed
-them, for it had been what he had always done in springs past, while
-she sowed the seed. But beans were put in and young cabbage and the
-radishes to be sold at market, and soon the rape budded again and sent
-up its early heads and bloomed yellow and gold. So did she labor that
-well-nigh she forgot the man, she was so weary every night, and so dead
-in sleep she scarcely could rise again at dawn.
-
-But there came a day when she remembered him.
-
-Now the hour was come when the cousin’s wife was due to give birth and
-she sent a child to go and call the mother, who was her friend and
-nearest neighbor, and the child came to the field where the mother was
-working, the sweet spring wind blowing her loose coat as she worked and
-cooling her sweat as soon as it came.
-
-The child was a young girl, and she called out, “Good aunt, my mother’s
-hour is come, and she says will you hasten, for you know how quick she
-is, and she sits ready and waiting for you to catch the babe!”
-
-The mother straightened her bent back then and answered, “Aye, tell her
-I will come,” and she turned to the lad and said, “Take my hoe and weed
-these beans as best you can while I am gone. It will not be above an
-hour or so, if she is as quick as she always is.”
-
-So saying she went across the fields and followed behind the girl who
-ran ahead, and as the woman walked it came over her in some new way how
-sweet a day this was. Living in this valley every day and laboring as
-she must, she never thought to lift her head to see what the world was
-about her, but her whole thought was on the land or in her house and
-her eyes bent to them always. But now she lifted her head as she walked
-and saw. The willows were full of tender leaves shining green, and the
-white blossoms of the pear trees were full blown this day and drifting
-in the winds, and here and there a pomegranate tree flamed scarlet in
-its early leaves. The wind, too, was very warm, and it came in sudden
-gusts and died again, and she did not know which was sweeter, the deep
-warm silence when the wind died and the smell of the earth came up from
-the ploughed fields, or the windy fragrance of the gusts. But walking
-thus in the silences and in the sudden winds, she felt her body strong
-and full and young, and a great new longing seized her for the man.
-
-Nearly every spring she had given birth, nearly every spring since she
-was wed, but this spring was her body barren. Once it had seemed a
-usual common thing to bear a child, and a thing to be done again and
-again, but now it seemed a joy she had not seen was joy until now, and
-her loneliness came over her like a pain and her breasts ached when
-she thought of the thing, and it was this, that she would never bear
-a child again in such a spring unless her man came home. Suddenly her
-longing streamed out of her like a cry, “Oh--come home--come home!”
-
-Yes, she seemed to hear her own voice cry the words, and she stopped,
-frightened lest she had called them out before the young girl. Yet she
-had not cried aloud, and when she stopped there was but the voice of
-the wind and the loud bright music of a blackbird in a pomegranate tree.
-
-And when she went into the dark room and saw the round plain face of
-her cousin’s wife drawn out of its roundness and dark with sweat and
-the usual laughter gone from it and the gravity of pain set there
-instead, the mother’s own body felt full and heavy as though it were
-she who bore the child and not this other one. And when the child came
-and she caught him and wrapped him in a bit of cloth and when she was
-free to go back to the field, she could not go. No, she went back to
-her own house listlessly, and when the old woman cried, “What--is it
-time for food? But I do not feel my hunger yet!” and when the girl came
-running out of the house shading her eyes with her hand, and crying,
-“Is it time already to light the fire, mother?” the mother answered
-listlessly, “No, it is too early, but I am strangely weary today and I
-will rest a while,” and she went and laid herself upon the bed.
-
-But she could not rest, and soon she rose and took up the little boy
-and held him fiercely and she laid her bosom open and would have had
-him suckle. But the child was astonished at her fierceness, being
-unused to it, and he was not hungry yet and he was full of play, and so
-he struggled and straightened himself and pushed her breast away and
-would not have it. Then the mother felt a strange sullen anger rise
-in her and she cuffed him and set him hard upon the ground and he
-screamed and she muttered, “Ever you will suck when I will not, and now
-when I will then you are not hungry!”
-
-And she was pleased in the strangest way, half bitterly, because he
-lay and wept. But the old woman cried out to hear his roaring and the
-little girl ran to pick him up. Then the mother felt her softness come
-back in her and she would not let the girl have him, but she lifted him
-suddenly herself and smoothed the dust from him, and wiped his tearful
-face with her palm, and she blamed herself secretly with a sort of
-shame that she had made the child suffer for her own pain.
-
-But the child never loved her breast so well again from that hour, and
-so even that small comfort she had had was taken from her.
-
-
-
-
-VIII
-
-
-Now from her youth up this woman had been ever a creature of deep still
-heats. She was not as some women are, quick to look at this young man
-and that and appraising any man who passed. No, she was a woman of a
-very deep heart, shy to the depths of it, and until she was properly
-wed even when she was alone her thoughts had not turned to men for
-their own sake, and if strange longings rose from within her deeply she
-never looked at them to see what they were or why they came, but she
-went on steadfastly to some task she had to do, and bore her longing
-patiently and in a waiting silence. Only when she was wed and had known
-a man for all he was did some clearness come to her, some distillation
-of that deep dumb longing, so that even while she scolded her man
-sometimes and was angry with him, she knew she could not live without
-him. That thick, impatient longing in her could even heap itself like
-thunderous clouds into a causeless anger against the man she loved
-until it resolved itself and they clung each to each, and she was
-satisfied in the old and simple way and so was made tranquil again.
-
-Yet the man was never enough. In himself he was never enough. She
-must conceive by him and feel a child take life and shape within her.
-Then was the act complete and while the child moved and grew she went
-in a daze of happiness, being fulfilled. Yes, even when she bawled her
-little angers at her children when they were under her feet and when
-they cried and whimpered for this and that and were wilful as children
-must be, yet she never saw the signs of new birth upon herself without
-a sweet content of body, as though she were fed and rested and had
-slept so that her body wanted nothing more.
-
-So had she ever loved a babe. Even so it had been in the old days when
-she was a girl in her father’s house and in a village but a little
-larger than this hamlet set in hills. Her father’s house was full of
-little children and she was the eldest and like a mother to them; yet
-even when she was weary with the day’s toil and the children running
-under her feet were a trial to her so that she shouted at them to be
-out of her way, yet never even when she shouted was she really out of
-love with them. There was always something in their smallness that
-weakened her heart, and many a time she would pick up a little child,
-whether of their own house or of some neighbor’s, and hold him against
-her and smell of him hard and fondle him as long as he would bear it,
-because it was some passionate pleasure to her to feel a little child,
-although she did not know why.
-
-So everything young and leaning on her drew her heart out. In the
-spring she loved the young chicks and ducklings coming from the shell,
-and when a mother hen forsook her nest for some cause and left the eggs
-half hatched she it was who took the eggs and made a bag and slipped
-them against her warm flesh and walked lightly and carefully until the
-young chicks hatched. She it was who was most faithful to feed the
-small silkworms, and took pleasure in their growing and she watched
-them from the time when they were scarcely more than bits of living
-thread until they grew great and fat, and when they burst their cocoons
-and came forth moths and mated, moth to moth, she felt that seeking and
-that satisfaction in her own body.
-
-Once when the children of her father’s house were grown out of babyhood
-and she was nearly ready to be wed herself there was a certain thing
-that happened to her, and it roused her as no man had ever done yet.
-There was one little boy who was too young to walk, a neighbor’s child,
-a round fat boy whose elder sister carried him about that whole summer
-long, naked and caught in a strip of cloth upon her back. And sometimes
-the mother, young then and waiting to be wed, would untie this strip
-and take the child from the little girl’s back, and the little girl
-would dart off to her play, glad to be released from her burden for a
-while.
-
-It came to be so then that every day the young girl, the mother,
-grew to look for this little moon-faced boy and out of all the other
-children of the village he was the greatest joy to her, her favorite,
-and she held him and smelled of his fat palms and took pleasure in his
-round cheeks and in his little rosy mouth, and she carried him about
-with her, setting him astride her sturdy hip, and when her own mother
-cried, “What--had you not enough of children in this house so that when
-I am through my bearing you must go and seek another’s child?” she
-answered laughing, “I am never weary of babes, I think!”
-
-Soon without her knowing it this child came to rouse in her a longing
-she had never known before. Sons she wanted as all women did, and she
-had always taken it as her right that she would have sons one day. But
-this robust and calm-eyed child roused more than wish of sons in her,
-and what had first been play with the child became something more, some
-deep and secret passion for what she did not know.
-
-She made excuse then when the child was in her arms to get away with
-him alone and all the others were busy here or there in field or
-kitchen, and the child’s sister was glad to be away, and the young
-girl sat and held the fair sound child strained against herself. She
-murmured to him and nursed him in her arms and felt this little,
-fat, round body helpless against her. Sometimes, since he was still
-nearly toothless, she chewed up rice or a cake for him and thrust the
-food into his little lips from hers, and when he sucked it solemnly,
-surprised at what he felt in his mouth suddenly, she laughed, but she
-did not know why she laughed, for she was not merry, seeing there was
-such a fierce, deep, painful longing in her which she did not know how
-to ease.
-
-One day soon before her marriage day she had the child thus alone and
-it grew late toward noon and the little girl did not come as early
-as usual to take the child to his mother to be fed, and the child
-fretted and tossed himself and would not be still. Then the young girl,
-seeing his hunger, and driven by some dim fierce passion she did not
-understand but only felt in her blood urging her on, went into her room
-and shut the door fast and with trembling hands she undid her coat and
-put the child to her own young slender breast and he laid hold on it
-lustily and sucked hard at it. Then she, standing there staring into
-his baby face, felt such a tumult in her blood as she had never dreamed
-of and the tears came into her eyes and sounds rose to her lips, broken
-sounds that were not words, and she held him strained against her and
-did not know what it was she felt within herself, full and yearning and
-passionate, greater than the child she held, greater than herself.
-
-Then the moment broke. Her little breast was empty and the child wailed
-in disappointment and she fastened her coat again and was ashamed
-somehow of what she had done and she went quickly out and the little
-girl his sister came running in and seized him and ran with him to his
-own mother.
-
-But to the young girl the moment was an awakening and more almost than
-marriage. Ever after even the man she wed was most to her because he
-was a part of motherhood, and not for his own sake only did she love
-him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-So had it been with her in her raw youth. Now with her body ripe and
-knowing all and herself in all her prime of womanhood she was left,
-woman alone, and every day the children grew up taller and every day
-they grew further from their babyhood they seemed less her own.
-
-The elder boy shot up tall and thin and silent, and he said little
-but strained himself at heavy tasks. When the mother would have taken
-up the rude wooden plough to carry it back to the house at the end
-of the day, he seized it and held it like a yoke across his own thin
-shoulders and staggered with it over the clodded earth, and she was so
-weary oftentimes she let him do it. He it was now who pulled the pails
-of water from the well and fed the buffalo, and he struggled his whole
-share and more in the field, as though he were his own father.
-
-Yet in all this he strained away from the woman, his mother, in some
-secret way, sharing with her in the labor most dutifully, and yet often
-wilful too, and it seemed to her he was parted from her flesh in some
-way she could not understand, not liking to be near her and standing
-off as though there were some smell about her that he could not bear.
-Oftentimes they quarreled over a slight cause, such as if she bade
-him hold his hoe better and he would not but would hold it in his own
-way, even though it was harder to wield when he held it so. Over such a
-small thing they quarreled and over many other like small things. Yet
-each knew dimly that this was not the true cause of quarrel either, but
-some deeper thing which neither could perceive.
-
-The girl, too, was never any cause of joy to her, with her poor eyes
-half blind. Still the child did her patient best and she complained
-no more now as she once did, and now that the younger boy could walk
-and run and loved best to be in the street brawling and playing with
-others like him, the girl would come sometimes to the field where the
-mother and the lad worked. But even there she was more care than help,
-especially if it were in some field of small weak seedlings, for she
-was so blind that when she would have pulled the weeds she did not see
-them well and many a time she pulled a seedling, thinking it a weed, so
-that the boy called out in anger, “Go home, you girl, for I do swear
-you are no use to us here. Go and sit beside the old grandmother!”
-
-And when she rose at this, half smiling but deeply hurt too, he cried
-at her again shrilly, “Now see where you tread, you clumsy thing, for
-you are walking on the seedlings now!”
-
-So she made haste to get out of the field then, too proud to stay, and
-the mother was torn between these two, her son and the poor half blind
-girl, and she felt the hearts of both, the lad’s heart weary with
-labor too bitter for his age, and the girl’s too patient with her pain,
-and she said sighing, as the girl went away, “It is true, poor thing,
-you are very little use, nor even can you sew with those eyes as they
-are. But go you home and sweep the floor and set the food ready and
-light the fire. Such things you do well enough. Watch the little one
-and see he does not fall in the pond, for he is the boldest, wilfulest
-of you all, and pour a little tea sometimes for the old one. There your
-duty is and you are help to me there. And when I have a little time I
-will go and seek a balm of some kind for your eyes.”
-
-So she comforted the girl, but the girl was little comfort to her,
-sitting silent hour after hour and wiping her wet aching lids, and
-smiling in her fixed and patient way. And looking at her sometimes
-and hearing her lad’s angers and seeing the younger one’s eagerness
-to be away at play, the mother wondered bitterly how it could be that
-when they were babes they were so fair and pleasant to her, and now no
-comfort.
-
-Yes, oftentimes in the evening this mother looked across the way to her
-cousin’s house and envied it most sorely. There was the good and honest
-husband, a plain and earth-soiled man, not clean and pretty as her man
-had been, but still well enough and going to his daily work and coming
-home to be fed and to sleep as men should, and there were his children
-he begot regularly and well, and there the mother sat, easy and merry
-and well content with her last babe upon her knees, a shallow merry
-soul and her mouth always open and her tongue clacking, but kindly
-and a good neighbor. Often she ran to share some bit of meat with the
-mother, or gave the children a handful of fruit, or a little paper
-flower she made for the girl to thrust into her hair. It was a good,
-full, contented house, and the mother envied it, and in her the longing
-grew, deep and sullen and unsatisfied.
-
-
-
-
-IX
-
-
-If she could have forgotten the man and so finished with him, if he
-were dead and she had seen him buried in the earth and still and gone
-forever, if she could have been a widow and known her life with the man
-ended, it would have been easier for her. If the hamlet had known her
-widowed and if she could have kept before her pure and strong that true
-widowhood, and if she could have heard people say, when she passed or
-where she knew it said, “A very good true widow is that wife of Li, now
-dead. There he lies dead and buried and she goes steadfast and true to
-him, such a one as in the old days would have had a marble arch put up
-or at least an arch of stone for her honor.” If she could have heard
-talk like this it would have been a strength to her and a thing to stay
-herself by, and to this shape that people made of her she might have
-set her heart and so lived better than she was because men thought her
-so.
-
-But widow she was not, and often must she answer those who called to
-ask her how her man did and ever must she lie and cheerfully and keep
-him in constant mind through her very lies. They would call, “There
-you are, goodwife, and have you had a letter of late or message by
-some mouth to say how your man is?”
-
-And she, passing by with a load for market across her shoulder or
-coming slowly home with empty baskets must answer often out of deathly
-weariness, “Yes, by word of mouth I hear he does right well, but he
-only writes me once a year.”
-
-But when she was come to her own house she was torn in two with all
-her lies. Sometimes she was filled with sadness and loneliness and she
-cried to her own heart, “How sorrowful and lone a woman am I whose only
-man is one I must make for myself out of words and lies!”
-
-At such times she would sit and stare down the road and she would think
-heavily, “That blue robe of his would show a long way off, if he had a
-mind to turn to home again, so clear and fine a blue it was!”
-
-And indeed if ever she saw a bit of blue anywhere in the distance her
-heart would leap, and if a man passed in the distance wearing a blue
-robe she could not but stop what she did and hold her breath to see how
-he came, shading her eyes against the sun if she were in the field, her
-hoe dropped from her hand, while she watched if he came this way or
-that or if he passed or if he went a long way off. And always it was
-not he who passed, for blue is a very common color and any man might
-wear a blue robe, if he be a poor and common man.
-
-But there were times when her lies made her angry at him and she told
-herself the man was not worth it and if he had come home at one such
-time as this she would have burst her anger full upon him and cursed
-him soundly while she loved him because he made her suffer so. Times
-there were when this deep anger lasted over days, so that she was
-sullen and short with the children and with the grandmother and pushed
-the dog away roughly with her hoe, although she grieved her own heart
-the more when she was so.
-
-At one such time as this it came about that it was time for the rice
-to be measured after harvest. Once more she had struggled through the
-harvest and alone except for such help as the lad could give, and a day
-or two from the good cousin, and the day came for the division of the
-threshed grain. It seemed to the woman that day as though her longing
-and her anger had made her heart like raw flesh, so that everything she
-saw fell on it sorely as a blow, and things she did not see of common
-times she saw and felt this day.
-
-And while she longed, there upon her threshing-floor beside the heaped
-grain the agent stood, the landlord’s agent, and he was a tall man
-dressed in a silk robe of gray, and his face square and large and
-handsome in its bold way. He had his old manner she remembered, a
-manner of seeming courtesy, but his eyes were full and the lids heavy
-and half closed over them, and the woman knew from the way he stared at
-her from under those heavy drooping lids that he had heard her tale
-and how her husband was gone out to other parts and never had come
-back. Yes, there was something today in her full heart that caught this
-knowledge in him, and the truth was he was such a man as could not look
-at any woman left alone and not wonder secretly what she was and how
-her heart was made and how her body was shaped. There was a dog’s heart
-in him, for all his big, good frame and his square full face and his
-voice he made so hearty and frank. But in spite of his forced courtesy
-and his free words the tenants hated him, and they feared him because
-he had a high hard temper and this big body and two large, swift fists
-that he clenched and held hard against his thighs if any argued against
-what he said. Yes, and then he lifted the lids he drooped over his
-eyes, and his eyes were terrible, shining and black and cruel. Yet
-often they laughed at him, too, for if they gave him his fee without
-quarrel, he made a joke or two to salve the taking, and they could not
-but laugh at what he said, although with rue, for he had a way about
-him somehow.
-
-So did he make a little merry on this day when he came to the mother’s
-house where she lived alone without her man and he knew she did, and he
-called out heartily to the lad, “I see your mother does not need your
-father with such a man as you to tend the fields!”
-
-Then the boy swaggered his little lean body and boasted, shy and bold
-at once, he was so pleased, “Oh, aye, I do my share,” and he spat as
-he had seen men do, and set his arms upon his little bony thighs and
-felt himself grown and fully man.
-
-Then the agent laughed and looked at the mother as though to laugh
-kindly with her over this lad of hers, and the woman could not but
-smile, and she handed him a bowl of tea she had poured out in common
-courtesy as to any passing guest. And being so near his laughing eyes
-she could not but look into them, and there was that great, greedy,
-starving heart of hers showing in her own eyes without her knowledge
-that it did. The man stared at her and scented her heat and he turned
-hot and grave and when he took the bowl he touched his hand to hers as
-though not knowing her hand was there. But the woman felt the touch and
-caught its meaning in her blood like flame.
-
-Then she turned herself away shamed and would not hear what her own
-heart said. No, she busied herself with the grain and while she did it
-she grew suddenly afraid of her own self and she said to the lad in a
-low voice, “Run to our cousin and ask him to come hither and help me,”
-and to her heart she said, to still its wildness, “If he is here--if
-our good cousin is here--”
-
-But the lad was proud and wilful and he argued, “I am here, mother, and
-I will help you. What other do you need? See, I am here!”
-
-Then the agent laughed loudly and slapped his thick thigh and he took
-secret advantage of the innocent lad and he cried, “So you are, my
-lad, and true enough your mother needs no other man!”
-
-Then the lad grew the more bold being so encouraged and when his mother
-said again, half faintly, “It would be better if our cousin were here,”
-the boy caught the faintness and he cried, “No, I will not call him,
-mother! I am man enough!” and he took up the scales and strutted to
-fill the measure with the grain and the woman laughed uneasily and let
-him be, and the truth was there was something in her, too, that pulled
-at her to let him be.
-
-When the grain was measured out and she had made a measure full again
-to give the agent for himself, that agent put it from him in a lordly
-way and he smoothed his long straight upper lip and looking ardently
-into the woman’s face--for who was there save these children and that
-old woman nodding in her sleep under the eaves by the door?--he said,
-“No, I will not have it! You are a lone woman now and your man gone
-from home and all this is your own labor. I will take no more of it
-than my landlord must have, or blame me if he does not. I will take no
-fee from you, goodwife.”
-
-Then was the woman suddenly afraid in the midst of the sweet sick heat
-that was upon her and she grew confused and pressed the fee upon him.
-But he would not have it. He pushed the measure away, his hand on hers
-while he did, and at last when he took the measure from her he poured
-the grain back into the basket where she kept it stored, and he would
-not have it.
-
-Nor had she strength to beg him any more. Under this man’s smooth
-face and smiling ways, under that gray costly robe of his, there was
-some strange and secret force that poured out of him into the shining
-autumn sun and clung to her and licked about her like a tongue of
-fire. She fell silent then and hung her head like any maid and when he
-poured the grain back and bowed and went his way, laughing and bowing
-and smoothing his long lip where there was no hair, she could not say
-a word. She stood there in silence, her bare brown feet thrust into
-broken shoes, one hand twisting the corner of her patched cotton coat.
-
-When he was gone she lifted her head and looked after him and at that
-same instant he turned and caught her look and bowed and laughed again.
-Yet, in such a way he went, and afterwards she wished a thousand times
-she had not looked after him like that and yet she could not help it
-when she did it. Then the boy cried out gladly, “A good man, mother,
-not to take his fee! I never heard of such a good agent not to take his
-fee!” And when she went into the kitchen silently, half in a dream with
-what had passed, he following crying at her, “Is he not a good man,
-mother, who wanted nothing for himself?” And when still she answered
-nothing he cried peevishly, “Mother--mother!”
-
-Then the mother started suddenly and she answered in strange haste,
-“Oh--aye, son--” and the lad prattled on, “So good a man, mother--you
-see, he would take nothing from you at all, knowing how you are poor
-now that my father is gone.”
-
-But the mother stood still of a sudden, the lid of the cauldron lifted
-and still in her hand. She stared at the boy fixedly and her heart
-echoed strangely, shamed and yet filled with that sick sweet fever,
-“Did he want nothing of me?” Though to the lad she answered nothing.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Nor could the man forget the woman’s heat. For this excuse and that he
-came back to the hamlet and now it was to make sure of some account
-which he thought he had written wrong, and now it was to complain that
-such a one had given a measure short and the landlord was angry with
-him. Most often of all he went to the cousin’s house, which stood near
-the woman’s, and he went to see of this and that, and now he brought
-some new seed of a kind of cotton that was held very fine in other
-parts or he brought a man with him carrying a load of lime or some such
-thing to make the fields more fertile, and the cousin was dazed with
-so much coming. At first he was afraid the agent had some evil purpose
-toward him and then he grew anxious when nothing came out for him to
-see, and he said to his wife, “It must be he has some very deep and
-evil purpose if it is so long leaking out of him,” and he watched the
-man anxiously and sat and stared at him, yet impatient, too, to be at
-his work again that waited for him, and yet afraid to be lacking in
-courtesy to one who could do him evil if he would.
-
-But neither cousin nor cousin’s wife saw how the secret eyes of the
-agent went sliding under his lids toward the woman across the way,
-and how if she were not there upon her threshold, he stayed but a
-little while, and how if she were there he sat on and on, facing her,
-and often he cried in loud and false good nature, “No, good fellow, I
-have no errand other than this. I am but a common man, too, and I like
-nothing better than to sit in an honest man’s dooryard and feel the
-autumn sun upon me.” But all the while he stared across the way where
-the woman sat spinning or sewing.
-
-Now this was the season when the land was sinking into quiescence for
-the winter. The wheat was planted in the dry earth and waiting for a
-rain to sprout it, and the mother took a little leisure and sat in her
-doorway and mended the winter garments and made new shoes, for the
-girl’s sight was not enough for this, and never would be. She sat there
-in the full sun for warmth, half listening to the old woman’s talk and
-what her children had to say to her, and half dreaming, and her lips
-were tranquil and her skin warm and golden brown with the sun and her
-hair shiny black with health and newly combed now she had the time
-to do it every day, and these days she looked younger than she was,
-although she was yet not thirty and five years old.
-
-Well she knew that man sat there across the few feet of roadway but she
-would not look up and sometimes when she felt his look press her too
-hard she rose and went into the house and stayed there until she had
-seen him go. But she knew why he came and she knew he looked at her for
-a cause, and she could not forget him.
-
-All through that winter she could not forget him somehow. At last it
-grew too cold for him to come even for his purpose. When the snow fell
-and when the winds came down bitter and dry out of the northwest, she
-might have forgotten him. But she did not.
-
-Once more the new year came and she went into the town as she did every
-year and sold some grain and changed her silver into paper and she went
-and sought a different letter writer, and once more she had the letter
-written as though the man sent it, and once more the hamlet heard the
-news and knew she had the money from her man.
-
-But this time their fresh envy and all their talk and praise put
-nothing in the woman’s empty heart. Not even pride could comfort her
-this time. She listened to the letter read, her face quiet and cold,
-and she took it home and that night she put it in the oven with the
-burning grass. Then she went to the table in the room where there was a
-small drawer and after a while she opened it and brought out the three
-letters there, for so long had the man been gone now, and she took them
-also to the fire and laid them on the flames. The lad saw it, and he
-cried out astounded,
-
-“Do you burn my father’s letters then?”
-
-“Aye,” the mother answered, cold as death, her eyes on the quick flames.
-
-“But how will we know where he is, then?” the lad wailed.
-
-“I know as well as ever. Do you think I can forget?” the woman said.
-
-So she emptied her heart clean.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But how can any heart live empty? On a day soon after this she went
-into the city to change again her bit of paper, for these days she did
-not trouble her cousin often, having learned to be alone, and when she
-had the ten pieces in her hand she turned to go and there a man stood
-by the door upon the street, and he stood smiling and smoothing his
-upper lip, and it was the landlord’s agent.
-
-Not since the late autumn had he seen her close as this, and there was
-none near who knew them and so he stared at her boldly and smiling and
-he said, “What do you here, goodwife?”
-
-“I did but change a bit of money--” she broke off here, for she had
-been about to say on, “that my man sent me,” but the words stuck in her
-throat somehow and she did not utter them.
-
-“And what then?” he asked her, his lids lifted and his eyes pressing
-her.
-
-She drooped her head and strove to speak as commonly she did, and she
-said, “I thought to go and buy a silver pin, or one washed with silver,
-to hold my hair. The one I had grew thin from long use and broke
-yesterday.”
-
-It was true her pin to hold her hair had so broken, and she said the
-truth before she knew it, and turned to go away, ashamed even before
-people who did not know her to be seen speaking to a man upon a town
-street, and he was a man somewhat notable in his looks, and being
-taller than most men and his face very square and pale, so that people
-were already looking at them curiously as they passed.
-
-But the man followed behind her. She knew he followed behind her as she
-went soberly and modestly down the way and she was afraid not to do
-what she had said she would, and so she went to a small silver shop she
-knew and stood at the silversmith’s counter and asked to see his pins
-of brass, washed with silver. And while she waited she toyed a moment
-with some silver earrings that were there and suddenly the agent came
-up while she toyed and he pretended he did not know her and he said to
-the silversmith, “How much are these earrings?”
-
-Then the silversmith said, “I will weigh them to see how much silver
-is there, and then will I sell them to you honestly and fairly by what
-they weigh.”
-
-And the silversmith let the pin wait a while, seeing this man was clad
-in silk and a better purchaser, doubtless, than this countrywoman in
-her blue cotton coat. So the woman could only stand and turn her head
-away from those bold secret eyes and the man stood indolently waiting
-as the silversmith put the rings upon the little scales.
-
-“Two ounces and a half,” the silversmith said in a loud voice. Then
-lowering his voice he added coaxingly, “But if you buy the earrings for
-your good lady, then why not add a pair of rings? Here are two to match
-the earrings, and it will all be a fine gift, suited to any woman’s
-heart.”
-
-The man smiled at this and he said carelessly, “Add them, then.” And
-then he said laughing, “But they are not for a wife--the wife I had
-died a six-month ago.”
-
-The silversmith made haste to add the rings, pleased at so fine a sale,
-and he said, “Then let them be for the new wife.” But the man said no
-more but stood and stared and smoothed his lip. Not once did this man
-show he knew the countrywoman was there. He took the rings when they
-were wrapped and went away. But when he had turned his back the mother
-sighed and watched him half jealous for the one he had bought the
-trinkets for, such things as she would have loved and in her girlhood
-had often longed to have. And indeed they were the very things she had
-said her husband bade her buy with the silver she spent, and the gossip
-often asked these days, “Where are those rings you said you have? Let
-me see what their pattern is.” And the mother was often hard put to it
-and she said, “The silversmith is making them,” or “I have put them in
-a certain place and I have forgot where they are for the moment,” and
-many such excuses had she made until this last year when the gossip had
-said with how great malice, “And do you never wear those rings yet?”
-and then the mother answered, “I have not the heart and I will put them
-on the first day he comes home.”
-
-So when she had bought the pin and slipped it through her coil of hair,
-she turned home again thinking of the dainty silver things and she
-sighed and thought she had not heart to take her hard-earned silver
-and buy herself a toy, after all, seeing that doubtless it mattered to
-no one how she looked now, and she would let be as she was. Thinking
-thus and somewhat drearily, she wound her way out of the city gate and
-upon the narrow country road that branched off to the hamlet from the
-highway, and she thought of home and of the comfort of her food when
-she was there, the only comfort now her body had.
-
-Suddenly out of the twilight of the short winter’s evening there stood
-the man. Out of the twilight he stood, sudden and black, and he seized
-her wrist in his large soft hand and there was no other soul near by.
-No, it was the hour when countrymen are in their houses and it was
-cold and the air full of the night’s frost and such a time as no one
-lingers out unless he must. Yet here was he, and he had her wrist and
-held it and she felt his hand on her and she stood still, smitten into
-stillness.
-
-Then the man took the small parcel of silver he had and with his other
-hand he forced it into her hand that he held, and he closed her fingers
-over it and he said, “I bought these for none other than for you. For
-you alone I bought them. They are yours.”
-
-And he was gone into the gathering shade under the city wall, and there
-was she left alone, the silver trinkets in her hand.
-
-Then she came to herself and she ran after him crying, “I cannot--but I
-cannot--.”
-
-But he was gone. Although she ran into the gate and peered through the
-flickering lights that fell from open shops, she could not see him. She
-was ashamed to run further into the town and look at this man’s face
-and that in the dim light, and so she stood, uncertain and ashamed,
-until the soldiers who guarded the city gate called out in impatience,
-“Goodwife, if you are going out this gate tonight go you must because
-the hour is come when we must close it fast against the communists,
-those new robbers we have these days.”
-
-She went her way then once more and crossed the little hill and down
-into the valley, and after a while she thrust the trinkets in her
-bosom. The moon rose huge and cold and glittering as soon as the sun
-was set, and when she came home the children were in their bed, and
-the old grandmother asleep. Only the lad lay still awake and he cried
-when his mother came, “I was afraid for you, my mother, and I would
-have come to find you, only I was afraid to leave the children and my
-grandmother.”
-
-But she could not even smile at his so calling the other two children
-as though he were a man beside them. She answered, “Aye, here I be, at
-last, and very weary somehow,” and she went and fetched a little food
-and ate it cold, and all the time the trinkets lay in her bosom.
-
-When she had eaten she glanced toward the bed and by the candlelight
-she saw the lad slept too, and so she fastened the curtains and then
-she sat down beside the table and took the little packet from her
-breast and opened the soft paper which enwrapped it. There the rings
-lay, glittering and white, and the earrings were beautiful. Upon each
-were fastened three small fine chains, and at the end of each chain
-hung a little toy. She took them in her hard fingers and looked closely
-and upon one chain hung a tiny fish and upon the second a little bell
-and upon the third a little pointed star, all daintily and cleverly
-made and pleasing to any woman. She had never held such pretty things
-before in her hard brown palm. She sat and looked at them a while and
-sighed and wrapped them up again, not knowing what to do with them, or
-how to give them back to that man.
-
-But when she had crept under the quilt with the children she could not
-sleep. Although her body was cold with the damp chill of the night her
-cheeks were burning hot and she could not sleep for a long time and
-then at last but lightly. And partly she dreamed of some strange thing
-shining, and partly she dreamed of a man’s hot hand upon her.
-
-
-
-
-X
-
-
-She did not see the man again through the whole spring, although she
-remembered him. She did not see him until a day in the early summer,
-when the wheat was turning faintly gold, and she had sown her rice in
-beds for seedlings, and it was sprouted new and green and set in small
-blocks of jade near the house where it could be well watched by the old
-grandmother against the greedy birds that loved its tenderness. And all
-this time her heart lay in her hot and fallow.
-
-But there came a day in that early summer, a day windless and full of
-soft new heat. The cicadas called their sharp loves and when they had
-called past the crisis their voices trailed slow and languorous into
-silence again. Into the valley the sun poured down its heat like clear
-warm wine and the smooth warm stones of the solitary street of the
-little hamlet threw back the heat again so that the air shimmered and
-danced above them, and through those waves the little naked children
-ran and played, their smooth bodies shining with their sweat.
-
-There was no little passing wind of any sort at all. Standing upon her
-threshold the mother thought she had never felt such close and sudden
-heat as this so soon in summer. The younger boy ran to the edge of the
-pool and sat in the water there, laughing and shouting to his playmates
-to come and join him, and the elder lad took off his coat and rolled
-his trousers high and put on his head a wide old bamboo hat that had
-been his father’s once and went out to the field of newly sprouted
-corn. The girl sat in the house for darkness and her mother heard her
-sighing there. Only the old woman loved this heat and she sat in the
-sun and slipped the coat from her old withered frame and let the sun
-soak down into her old bones and on her breasts that hung like bits
-of dried skin on her bosom, and she piped when she saw her son’s wife
-there, “I never fear to die in summer, daughter! The sun is good as new
-blood and bones to an old dried thing like me!”
-
-But the mother could not bear the outer heat. Heat there was enough
-inside her and her blood seemed this day to thunder through her veins
-with too much heat. She left the house then saying, “I must go and
-water the rice a while. A very drying sun today, old mother,” and she
-took her hoe and on her shoulder slung her empty water buckets and so
-walked down the narrow path to where a further pond lay somewhat higher
-than the seed beds of the rice, and she walked gratefully, because
-the air though hot was not so shut and lifeless as it had been on the
-street.
-
-She walked on and met no one at all, because it was the hour after
-noon when men take their rest. Here and there if a man had gone early
-to his field he sought the shade, for, after all, the heat was too
-great for labor, and he lay sleeping under some tree, his hat covering
-his face against the flies, and beside him stood his beast, its head
-drooping and all its body slack with heat and drowsiness. But the
-mother could bear the heat because it came down out of the sky and was
-not shut between walls or all in her own veins.
-
-She worked on a while then in her seed beds and with her hoe she cut a
-little gate in the higher edge of the bed and she dug a small water way
-to the pond, and then she went to the pond’s edge and with her buckets
-slung upon the pole she dipped first one and then the other into the
-water and then emptied them into the ditch she had dug. Over and over
-she dipped the water and watched the earth grow dark and moist and it
-seemed to her she fed some thirsting living thing and gave it life.
-
-Now while she was at this task she straightened her back once and set
-her buckets down and went and sat upon the green edge of the pond to
-rest, and as she sat she looked to the north where the hamlet was and
-there she saw a man stop and ask the old woman something and then he
-turned and came toward her where she sat by this pond. She looked as he
-came and knew him. It was the landlord’s agent, and while he came she
-remembered she had his trinkets still and she hung her head not knowing
-how to speak of them without giving them back again, and not daring
-now to go and find them and give them back to him in this full light of
-day when any passing soul might see her do it and the old woman wide
-awake, too, in the sun, and she was quick to see a thing she ought not.
-
-So the man came on, and when he was come the mother rose slowly, being
-lesser in place than he and woman, too, before a man. But he called
-out freely and he said, “Goodwife, I came but to look and see what the
-wheat is this year and guess the harvest from the fields!”
-
-But while he spoke his eyes ran up and down her body, clad for the heat
-in but a single coat and trousers of patched blue stuff worn thin and
-close to her shape and his eyes fixed themselves upon her bare brown
-feet and in fear of her own heart she muttered rudely, “The fields lie
-yonder--look then, and see!”
-
-So he glanced over them from where he stood and he said in his
-pleasant, townsman’s way, “Very fair fields, goodwife, and there have
-been worse harvests than there will be this year.” And he took out
-a little folded book and wrote something down on it with a sort of
-stick she had never seen before, seeing he needed not to dip it in ink
-at all, as the letter writer did, for it came out black itself. She
-watched him write and half it made her curious and half it touched her
-and made her proud to think so learned and goodly a man had looked at
-one like her, even when he should not, and she thought she would not
-speak of the trinkets this one time.
-
-When he had finished his writing he said to her smiling and smoothing
-his lip, “If you have time, show me that other field of yours that
-stands in barley, for I ever do forget which is yours and which your
-cousin’s.”
-
-“Mine is there around the hill,” she said half unwillingly, and now her
-eyes were dropped and she made as if to take the hoe again.
-
-“Around the hill?” the man said and then his voice grew soft and he
-smoothed that lip of his with his big soft hand and smiled and said,
-“But show me, goodwife!”
-
-He fixed his eyes on her steadily now and openly and his gaze had
-power to move her somehow and she put down her hoe and went with him,
-following after him as women do when they walk with men.
-
-The sun beat down on them as they went and the earth was warm beneath
-their feet and green and soft with grass. Suddenly as she walked the
-woman felt her blood grow all sweet and languorous in her with the hot
-sun. And without knowing why, it gave her some deep pleasure to look
-at the man who walked ahead of her, at his strong pale neck, shining
-with sweat, at his body moving in the long smooth robe of summer stuff,
-at his feet in white clean hose and black shoes of cloth. And she went
-silently on her bare feet and she came near to him and caught some
-fragrance from him, too strong for perfume, some compound of man’s
-blood and flesh and sweat. When she caught it in her nostrils she was
-stirred with longing and it was such a longing she grew frightened of
-herself and of what she might do, and she cried out faltering, and
-standing still upon the grassy path, “I have forgot something for my
-old mother!” and when he turned and looked at her, she faltered out
-again thickly, her whole body suddenly hot and weak, “I have forgot a
-thing I had to do--” and she turned from him and walked as quickly as
-she could and left him there staring after her.
-
-Straight she went to her house and she crept across the threshold and
-none noticed her, for everyone lay sleeping. The heat of the day had
-grown heavier as the afternoon wore on. Across the way the cousin’s
-wife sat sleeping, her mouth ajar, and the last babe sleeping at her
-breast. Here the old grandmother slept too, her head drooped and her
-nose upon her chin, and her clothes slipped to her waist still as she
-had sat in the sun. The girl had come out of the close room and lay
-curled against a cool stone for a pillow and she slept, and the younger
-lad lay naked and stretched to his full length beneath the willow tree,
-asleep.
-
-The very day had changed. It was grown darker and more still and full
-of deeper and more burning heat. Great clouds loomed swollen, black and
-monstrous, up from the hills. But they shone silver-edged, luminous
-from some strange inner light. Even the sound of any insect, the call
-of any bird, was stilled in the vast hot silence of that day.
-
-But the mother was far from sleep. She went softly into the darkened,
-silent room, and she sat herself upon the bed and the blood thundered
-in her ears, the blood of her strong hungry body. Now she knew what was
-amiss with her. She pretended nothing to herself now, as a townswoman
-might pretend, that there was some illness she had. No, she was too
-simple to pretend when well she knew how it was with her, and she was
-more frightened than she had ever been in her whole life, for she knew
-that such hunger as was in her now grew raving if it were not fed....
-She did not even dream she could repulse him, now she knew her own
-hunger was the same as his, and she groaned aloud and cried to her
-heart, “It would be better if he would not have me--Oh, I wish he would
-not have me, and that I might be saved!”
-
-But even while she groaned she rose driven from off that bed and went
-from the sleeping hamlet and to the fields along the way that she had
-come. She walked along under the great, black, bright-edged clouds and
-about her were the hills, livid green and clean against the blackness.
-She went under such a sky, along the little winding turn the path took
-where it turned past a small and ruined shrine, and there in the door
-of the shrine the man stood, waiting.
-
-And she could not pass him. No, when he went inside and waited she
-followed to the door and looked and there he stood inside the twilight
-of the windowless shrine, waiting, and his eyes gleamed out of that
-twilight, shining as a beast’s eyes, waiting, and she went in.
-
-They looked at each other in the dim light, two people in a dream,
-desperate, beyond any power now to stay, and they made ready for what
-they must do.
-
-Yet did the woman stop once, too. She looked up from her dream and she
-saw the three gods in the shrine, the chief a staid old man staring
-straight ahead of him, and by his side two small attendants, little,
-decent gods of the wayside for those who paused in their journey for
-worship or for shelter. She took the garment she had laid aside and
-went and threw it on their heads and covered up their staring eyes.
-
-
-
-
-XI
-
-
-In the night of that same day the wind rose suddenly as a tiger’s roar
-out of the distant hills, and it blew the clouds down out of the sky
-where they had hung heavy and full of rain, their light long gone. And
-the sudden rains poured and washed the heats out of that day. When at
-last the mist was gone, the dawn, pure and cool, grew quiet and fell
-from a gray and tranquil sky.
-
-Now out of that storm and chill came down from heaven suddenly, at
-last, the old woman’s death. She had sat asleep too long, her old body
-naked for the wind to blow upon when the sun went down, and when the
-mother came home at twilight, silent, and as if she came from the field
-and honest labor, she found the old woman in her bed and cold with
-sudden chills and aches and she cried out, “Some wicked spirit has
-caught me, daughter! Some ill wind fell on me!” And she moaned and put
-out her little shriveled hand and the mother took it and it was dry and
-burning hot.
-
-Almost was the mother glad to have it so. Almost did she rejoice there
-was this thing to take her mind from her own heart and from the sweet
-and evil thing that she had done that day. She murmured, “It was an
-ill black sky--very nearly I came home to see if you sat under such a
-sullen sky, but I thought you would see its hue and come in from under
-it.”
-
-“I slept, though,” the old woman wailed, “I slept, and I slept on and
-we all slept, and when I woke the sun was gone and I was cold as death.”
-
-Then the mother hastened and made hot water for the old woman and put
-some ginger in it and hot herbs and the old woman drank it. Yet in
-the night her dry fever grew and she complained she could not breathe
-because some imp sat on her chest and drove his knife into her lungs,
-and after a while she ceased talking and lay breathing roughly from her
-pressed lungs.
-
-And the mother was glad she must not sleep. Through the night she was
-glad she must sit beside the old woman’s bed and watch her and give
-her water when she moaned for it and put the quilt about her when she
-pushed it off and cried that she burned and yet shivered too. Outside
-the night had grown black and mighty rains poured down upon the
-thatched roof and here and there it broke through and leaked, so that
-the mother must drag the old woman’s bed out from its corner where the
-rain seeped in, and over the bed where the children slept she laid a
-reed mat to hold the leaks off. Yet all these things she was glad to
-have to do and glad to be so busy all night long.
-
-When the morning came the old soul was worse. Yes, any eye could see
-it, and the mother sent the lad for the cousin and he came and the
-cousin’s wife came and this neighbor and that and they all looked at
-the old woman who lay now only partly knowing what was about her, and
-partly dazed with her fever and the pain she had when she breathed.
-Each one cried out what must be done and what remedy could be tried,
-and the mother hastened here and there to try them all in turn. Once
-the old woman came to herself and seeing the crowd gathered there, she
-panted from her laden breast, “There is an imp sits here on me and
-holds me down.... My hour--my hour--”
-
-Then the mother hastened to her and she saw there was a thing the old
-soul had to say and could not get it out, but she plucked trembling at
-the shroud she wore that was full of patches now, and she had laughed
-when every patch was set in place and cried she would outlive the
-garment yet. But now she plucked at it and the mother bent her head low
-and the old woman gasped, “This shroud--all patched--my son--”
-
-The crowd stared to hear these words and looked wondering at each
-other, but the elder lad said quickly, “I know what she wants, mother.
-She wants her third shroud new to lie in, the one my father said he
-would send, and she ever said she would outlive this one she has now.”
-
-The old woman’s face lit faintly then and they all cried out who heard
-it, “How stout an old soul is this!” and they said, “Well, here is a
-very curious brave old woman, and she will have her third shroud as she
-ever said she would!”
-
-And some dim, dying merriment came on the old woman’s owlish sunken
-face and she gasped once more, “I will not die till it is made and on--”
-
-In greatest haste then was the stuff bought, and the cousin went to buy
-it and the mother told him, “Buy the very best you can of stout red
-cotton stuff and tomorrow I will pay you if you have the silver by you
-now.” For she had determined that the old woman would have the very
-best, and that night when the house was still she dug into the earth
-and got the silver out that she had hid there and she took out what was
-needful to send the old mother to her death content.
-
-And indeed, it seemed as if the thing she would not think of now, the
-memory of an hour she drove into her secret places, busying herself and
-glad to be so busy, it seemed as if this waiting memory made her kind
-and eager to be spent for these who were hers. Somehow it eased her of
-that secret hour to do her scrupulous best now. For these two nights
-she slept none at all, wearying herself eagerly, nor was she ever angry
-at the children, and she was most gentle to the old and dying woman.
-When the cousin fetched the cloth she held it to the old dying eyes and
-she said, speaking loudly now, for the old woman grew deaf and blind
-more quickly every hour, “Hold hard, old mother, till I have it made!”
-
-And the old soul said, bravely, “Aye--I will not die!” though she had
-not breath for any speech now and scarcely any breath at all, so that
-every one she drew came screeching through her lungs pitifully, very
-hard to draw.
-
-Then the mother made haste with her needle, and she made the garments
-of the bright good stuff, red as a bride’s coat, and the old woman lay
-watching her, her dim eyes fixed upon the stuff where it glowed in the
-mother’s lap. She could not eat now or swallow any food or drink, not
-even the warm human milk one kindly woman milked from her own breast
-with a bowl, since sometimes this good milk will save an old dying man
-or woman. She clung but to this scanty bit of air, waiting.
-
-And the mother sewed and sewed, and the neighbors brought in food so
-that she need not stop for anything but could sew on. In one day and
-a part of the night it was done, and the cousin and the cousin’s wife
-stood by to see it and a neighbor or two, and indeed the whole hamlet
-did not sleep, but stayed awake to wonder if the mother would win that
-race, or death.
-
-But it was done at last, the scarlet burial robes were done, and the
-cousin lifted the old body and the mother and the cousin’s wife drew
-on the fine new garments on the old and withered limbs, brown now and
-dry as old sticks of some dead tree. But the old soul knew when it was
-finished. Speak she could not, but she lay and drew one last rattling
-breath or two, and opened wide her eyes and smiled her toothless smile,
-knowing she had lived through to her third shroud, which was her whole
-desire, and so she died triumphantly.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Yet when the burial day was over and the need for being busy was past,
-still the mother busied herself. She labored as she never had upon the
-land and when the lad would do a thing she had begun she cried roughly,
-“Let me do it--I miss the old mother sorely and more sorely than I
-thought I could, and I blame myself that I did not go home that day and
-see if she were warm when the storm came up and covered the sun.”
-
-And she let it be thought through the hamlet that she sorrowed for the
-old woman gone, and blamed herself, and many praised her for her sorrow
-and said, “How good a daughter-in-law to mourn like this!” And they
-comforted her and said, “Do not mourn so, goodwife. She was very old
-and her life ended, and when the hour is come that has been set for
-each of us before ever we can walk or talk, then what need of mourning?
-You have your man alive yet, and you have your two sons. Take heart,
-goodwife.”
-
-But it was an ease to her too to have every cause to cover up her fear
-and melancholy. For she had cause to be afraid, and she had time now,
-even while she worked upon her land, to take out of her heart that fear
-which had been hiding there ever since the hour in the rising storm.
-Glad she was all these days that she had been in such haste, glad even
-for the old woman’s death, and to herself she thought most heavily, “It
-is better that the old soul is dead and cannot know what is to come if
-it must come.”
-
-One month passed and she was afraid. Two months passed and three and
-harvest came, the grain was threshed, and what had been fear beneath
-her labor day by day was now a certainty. There was no more to doubt
-and she knew the worst had befallen her, mother of sons, goodwife
-honored in her hamlet, and she cursed the day of the storm and her own
-foolish heats. Well she might have known that with her own body all hot
-and open and waiting as it had been, her mind all eaten up with one
-hunger, well she might have known it was such a moment as must bear
-fruit. And the man’s body, too, so strong and good and full of its own
-power--how had she ever dreamed it could be otherwise?
-
-Here was strange motherhood now that must be so secret and watched with
-such dismay in the loneliness of the night while the children slept.
-And however she might be sickened she dared not show it. Strange it was
-that when she bore her proper children she was not sick at all, but now
-her food turned on her when she ate a mouthful. It was as though this
-seed in her was so strong and lusty that it grew like a foul weed in
-her, doing what it would with her body ruthlessly, and she could not
-let a sign of it be seen.
-
-Night after night she sat up in her bed, too ill at ease to lie down,
-and she groaned within herself, “I wish I were alone again and had not
-this thing here in me--I wish I were alone again as I was, and I would
-be content--” and it came to her often and wildly that she would hang
-herself there upon the bedpost. But yet she could not. There were her
-own good children, and she looked upon their sleeping faces and she
-could not, and she could not bear to think of the neighbors’ looks on
-her dead body when they searched her for her cause of death. There was
-nothing then save that she must live on.
-
-Yet in spite of all this pain the woman was not healed of her desire
-toward that townsman, though she often hated while she longed for him.
-Rather did it seem he held her fast now by this secret hold that grew
-within her. She had repented that she ever yielded to him and yet she
-yearned for him often day and night. In the midst of her true shame and
-all her wishing she had withstood him, she yearned for him still. Yet
-she was ashamed to seek him out, and fearful too lest she be seen, and
-she could only wait again until he came, because it seemed to her if
-she went and sought him then she was lost indeed, and after that stuff
-for any man to use.
-
-But here was a strange thing. The man was finished with her. He came no
-more throughout that whole summer until the grain was reaped when he
-must come, and he came hard and quarrelsome as he used to be and he
-took his full measure of his grain so that the lad cried wondering,
-“How have we made him angry, mother, who was so kind to us last year?”
-
-And the woman answered sullenly, “How can I know?” But she knew. When
-he would not look at her, she knew.
-
-Not even on the day of harvest feasting would he look at her, although
-she washed herself freshly and combed her hair and smoothed it down
-with oil and put on a clean coat and trousers and her one pair of
-stockings and the shoes she had made for the old woman’s burial day.
-So garbed and her cheeks red with sick hope and shyness and her eyes
-bright with all her desperate secret fears, she hurried here and there
-busying herself before his eyes about the feast, and she spoke to this
-one and to that, forcing herself to be loud and merry. The women stared
-astonished at her flaming cheeks and glittering eyes and at her loud
-voice and laughter, she who used to be so quiet where men were.
-
-But for all this the man did not look at her. He drank of the new
-wine made of rice and as he tasted it he cried loudly to the farmers,
-“I will have a jug or two of that for myself, if you can spare it,
-farmers, and set the clay seal on well and sound to keep it sweet.” But
-he never looked at her, or if she came before him his eyes passed over
-her as they might over any common country wife whose name he did not
-know.
-
-Then the woman could not bear it. Yes, although she knew she should be
-glad he did not want her any more, she could not bear it. She went home
-in the middle of that day of feasting and she searched from out their
-secret place those trinkets he had given her once and she was trembling
-while she searched. She hung the rings in her ears, taking out the
-little wires she had worn there all these years to keep the holes open,
-and she pushed the rings over her hard strong fingers, and once more
-she made a chance to see him, standing on the edge of the feast where
-women stood to serve the men who ate. There the gossip sat among them,
-gay for the day in her new shoes, and her feet thrust out to show them
-off, and she cried out, “Well, goodwife, there you are and you did buy
-your trinkets after all and wear them too, although your man is still
-away!”
-
-She cried so loudly that all the women turned to look and laugh and
-the men even turned to see and smile a little, too, at the women’s
-merriment. Then the agent, hearing the laughter and the witty sayings
-that arose against the woman, looked up carelessly and haughtily from
-his bowl, his jaws moving as he looked, for his mouth was full of food,
-and he said carelessly and loud enough for her to hear, “What woman is
-it?” And his eyes fell on her scarlet face and he looked away as if he
-had never known her and fell to his bowl again. And the woman, feeling
-the scarlet draining from her face too fast, crept out and ran away and
-they laughed to see her run for shame at all their merriment.
-
-From that day on the mother kept out of the way of others and she
-stayed alone with her children, and hid the growing of the wild thing
-within her. Yet she pondered day and night what she could do. Outwardly
-she worked as she ever had, storing the grain and setting all in order
-for the winter, and when the festival of mid-autumn came and the hamlet
-feasted and each house had its own joy and the little street was merry
-with the pleasure and rejoicing and the houses full of grain and food,
-the mother, though she had no joy, yet made a few small moon cakes for
-her own children, too. When the moon rose on the night of the feast,
-they ate the cakes upon the threshing-floor and under the willow trees
-and saw the full moon shining down as bright as any sun almost.
-
-But they ate gravely and it seemed the children felt their own lack
-and the mother’s lack of joy, and at last the eldest said, solemnly,
-“Sometimes I think my father must be dead because he never comes.”
-
-The mother started then and said quickly, “Evil son you be to speak of
-such a thing as your own father’s death!”
-
-But a thought had come to her.
-
-And the lad said again, “Sometimes I think I will start forth seeking
-for him. I might go when the wheat is sown this year, if you will give
-me a little silver, and I can tie my winter clothes upon my back, if it
-be I am delayed in finding him.”
-
-Then the mother grew afraid and she cried to turn his mind away, “Eat
-another little cake, my son, and wait another year or so. What would
-I do if you went away and did not come back either? Wait until the
-younger son is large enough to fill your place.”
-
-But the younger son cried stoutly, being wilful always when he had a
-wish to make, “But if my brother goes, I will go too,” and he set his
-little red lips pouting and he stared angrily at his mother. Then the
-mother said reproachfully to the eldest, “There--you see what you do
-when you say such things and set his mind on wandering!” And she would
-not hear any more of it.
-
-But the thought clung in her mind, and afterwards she pondered on it.
-Here was she alone now these five years. Five years--and would not a
-man have come long since if he were coming? Five years gone--and he
-must be dead. It must be she was widow, perhaps a widow years long, and
-never knew it. And the landlord’s agent was not wed. She was widow and
-he not wed, for she had heard him say that his wife was dead last year
-but she had not heeded, for what was it to her then, who was not widow?
-Yes, she must be widow. That night she watched the great moon set
-high in the heavens and she watched far into the night, the children
-sleeping and all the hamlet sleeping save a dog here and there barking
-at the enormous moon, and more and more it seemed to her she must be
-widow, and if she were--if she were wed as soon as he would say, would
-it be soon enough?
-
-And in the strangest way the thing hastened upon her. The lad would
-not forget his plan and he worked feverishly to plough the fields and
-sow the wheat and when it was done he would have set out that very day
-to find his father. Tall the lad was now as his father had been almost,
-and lean and hard as bamboo and as supple, and no longer any little
-child to bear refusal and he was quiet and stubborn in his nature,
-never forgetting a plan he made, and he said, “Let me go now and see
-where my father is--give me the name of the city where he lives and the
-house where he works!”
-
-Then in despair the mother said to put him off, “But I burned those
-letters and now must we wait until the new year comes when he will send
-another.”
-
-And he cried, “Yes, but you said you knew!”
-
-And she said hastily, “So I thought I did, but what with this and that
-and the old mother’s dying, I have forgot again, and I know I have
-forgot, because when she lay dying, I would have sent a letter to
-him and I could not because I had forgot.” And when he looked at her
-reproachfully, scarcely believing her, she cried out angrily, “And how
-did I know you would want to go and leave it all on me now when you are
-just old enough to be some worth? I never dreamed that you would leave
-your mother, and I know a letter will come at the new year as it always
-has.”
-
-So the lad could but put aside his wish then for the time and he waited
-in his sullen humor, for he had set his heart to see his father.
-Scarcely could he remember him, but he seemed to remember him as a
-goodly merry man and the lad longed after him for in these days he did
-not love his mother well because she seemed always out of temper with
-him and not understanding of any speech, and he longed for his father.
-
-At last the mother did not know what to do, except that something she
-must do and quickly, for even if the letter was not written at new year
-time, the lad would worry at her and sooner or later she must tell him
-all the truth and how would she ever make him see how what had been a
-little lie at first to save her pride as woman, had grown great and
-firm now with its roots in years, and very hard to change?
-
-And then she tried to comfort herself again, and to say the man must
-be dead. Whoever heard of any man who would not come back sometimes to
-his land and his sons and his old home, if he yet lived? He was dead.
-She was sure he was dead, and so saying many times, sureness came into
-her heart and she believed him dead and there was needed but an outward
-sign to satisfy the lad and those who were in the hamlet.
-
-Once more she went into the town then on this old task, and she went
-and sought a new letter writer this time, whom she had never seen
-before, and she sighed and said, “Write to my brother’s wife and say
-her husband is dead. And how did he die? He was caught in a burning
-house, for the house where he lived caught on fire from a lamp turned
-over by some slave, and there he burned up in his sleep and even his
-ashes are lost so there is no body to send home.”
-
-And the letter writer wrote her own name for the sister’s name and she
-gave a false name as of some stranger who wrote to tell the news and
-for a little more he wrote the name of some other town than this, and
-he scented something strange here, but he let it pass, too, since it
-was none of his affair and he had silver here to pay for silence.
-
-So was the woman saved. But she could not wait to finish her salvation.
-No, she must let the landlord’s agent know somehow, and she went here
-and there and asked where the landlord’s old home was, where he did not
-live now but where the agent doubtless was well known. And she grew
-heedless in her anxiety to be saved, and she ran there and it seemed
-the gods were with her on that day and aided her, for there he came
-alone and she met him at the gate of the house and as he was ready to
-turn in to it. Then she cried out and laid her hand upon his arm, and
-he looked down at her and at her hand upon his arm and he said, “What
-is it, woman?”
-
-And she whispered, “Sir, I am widowed--I have but heard this day I am
-widowed!”
-
-And he shook her hand off and he said loudly, “What is that to me!” And
-when she looked at him painfully he said roughly, “I paid you--I paid
-you very well!” And suddenly someone he knew called out from the street
-and laughed and said, “How now, good fellow? And a very pretty, lusty
-goodwife, too, to lay hold on a man thus!”
-
-But the man called back, scarcely lifting those heavy lids of his, and
-he said coldly, “Aye--if you like them coarse and brown, but I do not!”
-And he went on his way.
-
-She stood there then astonished and ashamed and understanding nothing.
-But how had she been paid? What had he ever given her? And suddenly she
-remembered the trinkets he had given her. That was her pay! Yes, by
-those small worthless trinkets he held himself free of all that he had
-done.
-
- * * * * *
-
-What could she do, then, knowing all? She set her feet steadfastly upon
-the road to home, her heart deathly still within her, and she said over
-and over, “It is not time to weep yet--the hour is not come yet when
-I may weep.” And she would not let her weeping come. No, the weeping
-gathered in her great and tremulous but she would not weep. She held
-her heart hard and silent for a day or two, until the news came, the
-letter she had written, and she took it to the reader in the hamlet,
-and she said steadily as she gave it to him, “I fear there is ill news
-in it, uncle--it is come out of time.”
-
-Then the old man took it and he read it and started and he cried, “It
-is bad news, goodwife--be ready!”
-
-“Is he ill?” she said in her same steady way.
-
-And the old man laid the letter down and took the spectacles from his
-eyes and he answered solemnly, staring at her, “Dead!”
-
-Then the mother threw her apron over her head and she wept. Yes, she
-could weep now and she wept, safely, and she wept on and on as though
-she knew him truly dead. She wept for all her lonely years and because
-her life had been so warped and lone and she wept because her destiny
-had been so ill and the man gone, and she wept because she dared not
-bear this child she had in her, and last she wept because she was a
-woman scorned. All the weeping she had been afraid to do lest child
-hear her or neighbor, now she could weep out and none need know how
-many were the sorrows that she wept.
-
-The women of the hamlet came running out to comfort her when they heard
-the news and they comforted her and cried out she must not fall ill
-with weeping, for there were her children still and the two good sons,
-and they went and fetched the sons and led them to her for comfort, and
-the two lads stood there, the eldest silent, pale as though in sudden
-illness, and the youngest bellowing because his mother wept.
-
-Suddenly in the midst of the confusion a loud howl arose and a noisier
-weeping than the mother’s, and it was the gossip’s, who was suddenly
-overcome with all the sorrow round about her, and the great oily tears
-ran down her cheeks and she sobbed loudly, “Look at me, poor soul--I
-am worse off than you, for I have no son at all--not one! I am more
-piteous than you, goodwife, and worse than any woman I ever saw for
-sorrow!” And her old sorrow came up in her so fresh and new that all
-the women were astonished and they turned to comfort her, and in the
-midst of the fray the mother went home, her two sons after her, weeping
-silently as she went, for she could not stay her weeping. Yes, she sat
-herself down and wept at her own door, and the elder lad wept silently
-a little too, now, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, and the
-little boy wept on, not understanding what it meant to have his father
-dead, since he could not remember what the father was, and the girl
-wept and pressed her hands against her eyes and moaned softly and she
-said, “I must weep because my father is dead--my tears burn me so--yet
-must I weep for my dead father!”
-
-But the mother could not weep to any end, and she knew she could not
-until she had done what she must do. So for the time she ceased her
-weeping and comforted them somewhat with her own silence while she
-thought what she would do.
-
-She would have said there was no path for her to turn, unless to death,
-but there was one way, and it was to tear from out her body this greedy
-life she felt there growing. But she could not do it all alone. There
-must be one to aid her, and there was none to turn to save her cousin’s
-wife. Much the mother wished she need not tell a soul what she must do,
-and yet she did not know how to do it alone. And the cousin’s wife was
-a coarse good creature, too, one who knew the earth and the ways of
-men and knew full well the earthy body of a woman that is fertile and
-must bear somehow. But how to tell her?
-
-Yet the thing came easily enough, for in a day or so thereafter when
-the two women stood alone upon a pathway talking, having met by some
-small accident or other, the cousin’s wife said in her loud and kindly
-way, “Cousin, eat and let your sorrowing cease, for I do swear your
-face is as yellow as though you had worms in you.”
-
-And the thought rose in the mother’s mind and she said it, low and
-bitterly, “So I have a worm in me, too, that eats my life out.”
-
-And when the cousin’s wife stared, the mother put her hand to her belly
-and she said, halting, “Something does grow in me, cousin, but I do not
-know what it can be unless it is an evil wind of some sort.”
-
-Then the cousin’s wife said, “Let me see it,” and the mother opened her
-coat and the cousin’s wife felt her where she had begun to swell, and
-she said astonished, “Why, cousin, it is like a child there, and if you
-had a husband, I would say that it was so with you!”
-
-Then the mother said nothing but she hung her head miserably and could
-not lift her eyes, and the cousin saw a stirring in her belly and she
-cried out in a terror, “It is a child, I swear, yet how can it be
-except it be conceived by spirit, since your man is gone these many
-years? But I have heard it said it does happen sometimes to women and
-in olden times it happened often, if they were of a saintly sort, that
-gods came down and visited them. Yet you be no great saint, cousin, a
-very good woman, it is true, and held in good respect, but still angry
-and sudden sometimes and of a lusty temper. But have you felt a god
-about?”
-
-Then the mother would like to have told another lie and she longed to
-say she did feel a god one day when she stood in the wayside shrine to
-shelter in a storm, but when she opened her lips to shape the lie she
-could not. Partly she was afraid to lie so blackly about the old decent
-god there whose face she covered, and partly she was so weary now she
-could lie no more. So she lifted her head and looked miserably at the
-cousin’s wife and the red flowed into her pale cheeks and spotted them;
-she would have given half her life now if she could have told a full
-deceiving lie. But she could not and there it was. And the good woman
-who looked at her saw how it was and she asked no question nor how it
-came about, but she said only, “Cover yourself, sister, lest you be
-cold.”
-
-And the two walked on a while and at last the mother said in a very
-passion of bitterness, “It does not matter who begot it and none shall
-ever know and if you will help me through this, cousin and my sister, I
-will care for you as long as my life is in me.”
-
-And the cousin’s wife said in a low voice, “I have not lived so many
-years as I have and never seen a woman rid herself of a thing she did
-not want.”
-
-And for the first time the mother saw a hope before her and she
-whispered, “But how--but how--” and the cousin’s wife said, “There are
-simples to be bought if one has the money, strong stuff that kills
-woman and child sometimes, and always it is harder than a birth, but if
-you take enough, it will do.”
-
-And the mother said, “Then let it kill me, if it will only kill this
-thing, and so save my sons and these others the knowledge.”
-
-Then the cousin’s wife looked steadfastly at the mother and she stopped
-where she was and looked at her, and she said, “Yes, cousin, but will
-it come about again like this, now that your man is dead?”
-
-Then did the mother swear and she cried in agony, “No, and I will throw
-myself into the pond and cool myself forever if it comes on me hot
-again as it did in the summer.”
-
-That night she dug out from the ground a good half of her store of
-silver and when the chance came she gave it to the cousin’s wife to buy
-the simples.
-
-On a night when all was bought and the stuff brewed, the cousin’s wife
-came in the darkness and she whispered to the waiting woman, “Where
-will you drink it? For it cannot be done in any house, being so bloody
-a business as it is.”
-
-Then the mother remembered that wayside shrine and how lonely it was
-with so few wayfarers passing by, and none in the night, and to that
-wayside shrine the two women went, and the mother drank the brew and
-she lay down upon the ground, and waited.
-
-Presently in the deep night the stuff seized on her with such gripes as
-she never dreamed of and she gave herself up to die. And as the agony
-went on she came at last to forget all except the agony, and she grew
-dazed with it. Yet in the midst of it she remembered not to scream to
-ease herself, nor did they dare to light a torch or any little light,
-lest any might by some strange chance pass and see from even a distance
-an unaccustomed light in that shrine.
-
-No, the mother must suffer on as best she could. The sweat poured down
-her body like rain and she was dead to everything except the fearful
-griping, as though some beast laid hold on her to tear the very vitals
-from her, and at last it seemed a moment came when they were torn from
-her indeed, and she gave one cry.
-
-Then the cousin’s wife came forward with a mat she had, and took what
-was to be taken, and she felt and whispered sadly, “It would have been
-a boy, too. You are a fortunate mother who have so many sons in you.”
-
-But the mother groaned and said, “There never will be another now.”
-
-Then she lay back and rested on the ground a little and when she could
-they went back to the house, she leaning on the kindly cousin’s arm and
-holding back her moans. And when they passed a pond, the cousin threw
-the roll of matting into it.
-
- * * * * *
-
-For many days thereafter the mother lay ill and weak upon her bed,
-and the good cousin aided her in what way she could, but she lay ill
-and half-sick the winter through that year so that to lift a load and
-carry it to market was a torture and yet she must do it now and then.
-At last, though, she rose sometimes more easily on a fair day and sat a
-while in the sun. So spring came on and she grew somewhat better, but
-still not herself, and often when the cousin brought some dainty dish
-to coax her she would press her hand to her breast and say, “It seems
-I cannot swallow. There is something heavy here. My heart hangs here
-between my breasts so heavy and full I cannot swallow. My heart seems
-full of pain I cannot weep away. If I could weep once to the end I
-would be well again.”
-
-So it seemed to her. But she could not weep. All spring she could not
-weep nor could she work as she was used, and the elder son struggled to
-do what must be done, and the cousin helped more than he was able. And
-the mother could not weep or work.
-
-So it was until a certain day came when the barley was bearded, and
-she sat out in the sun listlessly, her hair not combed that morning
-she was so weary. Suddenly there was the sound of a step, and when she
-looked up that landlord’s agent stood. When the elder son saw him he
-came forward and he said, “Sir, my father is dead now and I stand in
-his place, for my mother has been ill these many months. I must go with
-you now to guess the harvest, if you have come for that, for she is not
-able.”
-
-Then the man, this townsman, this smooth-haired, smooth-lipped man,
-looked at the mother full and carelessly and well he knew what had
-befallen her, and she knew he knew and she hung her head in silence.
-But the man said carelessly, “Come then, lad,” and the two went away
-and left her there alone.
-
-Now well she knew she had no hope from this man. Nor did she want him
-any more, her body had been weak so long. But this last sight of him
-was the last touch she needed. She felt the lump she called her heart
-melt somehow and the tears rushed to her eyes, and she rose and walked
-by a little unused path across the land to a rude lonely grave she
-knew, the grave of some unknown man or woman, so old none knew whose it
-was now, and she sat there on the grassy mound and waited. And at last
-she wept.
-
-First her tears came slow and bitter but freely after a while and then
-she laid her head against the grave and wept in the way that women do
-when their hearts are too full with sorrow of their life and spilled
-and running over and they care no more except they must be eased
-somehow because all of life is too heavy for them. And the sound of
-her weeping reached the little hamlet even, borne on the winds of
-spring, and hearing it the mothers in the houses and the wives looked
-at each other and they said softly, “Let her weep, poor soul, and ease
-herself. She has not been eased these many months of widowhood. Tell
-her children to let her weep.”
-
-And so they let her weep.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But after long weeping the mother heard a sound, a soft rustling there
-beside her, and looking up in the twilight, for she had wept until the
-sun was set, there came her daughter, feeling her way over the rough
-ground and she cried as she came, “Oh, mother, my cousin’s wife said
-let you weep until you eased yourself, but are you not eased yet with
-so much weeping?”
-
-Then was the mother roused. She was roused and she looked at the child
-and sighed and she sat up and smoothed back her loosened hair and wiped
-her swollen eyes and rose and the child put out her hand and felt for
-her mother’s hand, shutting her eyes against the shining evening glow
-that was rosy where the sun went down, and she said plaintively, “I
-wish I never had to weep, for when I weep, my tears do burn me so!”
-
-At these few words the mother came to herself, suddenly washed clean.
-Yes, these few words, spoken at the end of such a day, this small young
-hand feeling for her, called her back from some despair where she had
-lived these many months. She was mother again and she looked at her
-child and coming clear at last from out her daze she cried, “Are your
-eyes worse, my child?”
-
-And the girl answered, “I think I am as I ever was, except light seems
-to burn me more, and I do not see your faces clear as once I did, and
-now my brother grows so tall, I cannot tell if it be you or he who
-comes, unless I hear you speak.”
-
-Then the mother, leading this child of hers most tenderly, groaned to
-herself, “Where have I been these many days? Child, I will go tomorrow
-when dawn comes and buy some balm to make you well as I ever said I
-would!”
-
-That night it seemed to all of them as though the mother had returned
-from some far place and was herself again. She put their bowls full of
-food upon the table and bestirred herself, her face pale and spent but
-tranquil and full of some wan peace. She looked at each child as though
-she had not seen him for a year or two. Now she looked at the little
-boy and she cried, “Son, tomorrow I will wash your coat. I had not seen
-how black it is and ragged. You are too pretty a lad to go so black as
-that and I your mother.” And to the elder one she said, “You told me
-you had a finger cut and sore the other day. Let me see it.” And when
-she washed his hand clean and put some oil upon the wound, she said,
-“How did you do it, son?”
-
-And he opened his eyes surprised and said, “I told you, mother, that I
-cut it when I made the sickle sharp upon the whetting stone and ready
-to reap the barley soon.”
-
-And she made haste to answer, “Aye, I remember now, you said so.”
-
-As for the children, they could not say how it was, but suddenly there
-seemed warmth about them and this warmth seemed to come from their
-mother and good cheer filled them and they began to talk and tell her
-this and that and the little lad said, “I have a penny that I gained
-today when we were tossing in the street to see who could gain it, and
-ever I gain the penny first I am so lucky.”
-
-And the mother looked on him avidly and saw how fair and sound a lad he
-was and while she wondered at herself because she had not seen it long
-ago, she answered him with hearty, sudden love, “Good lad to save the
-penny and not buy sweet stuff and waste it!” But at this the lad grew
-grave and said, troubled, “But only for today, mother, for tomorrow I
-had thought to buy the stuff and there is no need to save it for I can
-gain a penny every day or so,” and he waited for her to refuse him, but
-she only answered mildly, “Well, and buy it, son, for the penny is your
-own.”
-
-Then the silent elder lad came forth with what he had to say, and he
-said, “My mother, I have a curious thing to tell you and it is this.
-Today when we were in the field, the landlord’s agent and I, he said it
-was the last year he would come to this hamlet, for he is going out
-to try destiny in other parts. He said he was aweary of this walking
-over country roads and he was aweary of these common farmers and their
-wives, and it was the same thing season after season, and he was going
-to some city far from here.”
-
-This the mother heard and she paused to hear it, and she sat motionless
-and staring at the lad through the dim light of the flickering candle
-she had lit that night and set upon the table. Then when he was
-finished she waited for an instant and let the words sink in her heart.
-And they sank in like rain upon a spent and thirsty soil and she cried
-in a low warm voice, “Did he say so, my son?” and then as though it
-mattered nothing to her she added quickly, “But we must sleep and rest
-ourselves for tomorrow when the dawn comes I go to the city to buy the
-balm for your sister’s eyes and make her well again.”
-
-And now her voice was full and peaceful, and when the dog came begging
-she fed him well and recklessly, and the beast ate happy and amazed,
-gulping all down in haste and sighing in content when he was full and
-fed.
-
-That night she slept. They all slept and sleep covered them all, mother
-and children, deep and full of rest.
-
-
-
-
-XII
-
-
-The next day came gray and still with unfinished rain of summer and
-the sky pressed low over the valley heavy with its burden of the rain,
-and the hills were hidden. But the mother rose early and made ready to
-take the girl to the town. She could not wait a day more to do what she
-could for this child of hers. She had waited all these many days and
-even let them stretch out into years, but now in her new motherhood,
-washed clean by tears, she could not be too tender or too quick for her
-own heart.
-
-As for the young girl, she trembled with excitement while she combed
-her long hair and braided it freshly with a pink cord, and she put on
-a clean blue coat flowered with white, for she never in all her life
-had been away from this small hamlet, and as she made ready she said
-wistfully to them all, “I wish my eyes were clear today so I could see
-the strange sights in the town.”
-
-But the younger lad, hearing this, answered sharply and cleverly, “Yes,
-but if your eyes were clear you would not need to go.”
-
-So apt an answer was it that the young girl smiled as she ever did at
-some quick thing he said, but she answered nothing, for she was not
-quick herself but slow and gentle in all she did, and when she had
-thought a while she said, “Even so, I had rather have my eyes clear and
-never see the town, perhaps. I think I would rather have my eyes clear.”
-
-But she said this so long after that the lad had forgotten what he
-said, being impatient in his temper and swift to change from this to
-that in play or bits of tasks he did, and indeed, he was more like his
-father than was any of the three.
-
-But the mother did not listen to the children’s talk. She made ready
-and she clothed herself. Once she stood hesitating by a drawer she
-opened and she took a little packet out and looked at it, opening the
-soft paper that enwrapped it, and it was the trinkets, and she thought,
-“Shall I keep them or shall I turn them into coin again?” And she
-doubted a while and now she thought, “True it is I can never wear them
-again, being held a widow, nor could I bear to wear them anyhow. But I
-could keep them for the girl’s wedding.” So she mused staring down at
-them in her hand. But suddenly remembering, her gorge rose against them
-and she longed to be free from them and from every memory and she said
-suddenly with resolve, “No, keep them I will not. And he might come
-home--my man might come home, and if he found me with strange trinkets
-he would not believe me if I told him I had bought them myself.” So she
-thrust the packet in her bosom and called to the girl they must set
-forth.
-
-They went along the country road and through the hamlet before there
-was a stir, it was so early. The mother strode freely, strong again as
-she had not been for long, her head high and free against the misty
-air, and she led her daughter by the hand, and the girl struggled to
-move quickly, too. But she had not known how little she could see.
-About the well known ways of home her feet went easily and surely
-enough and she did not know she went by feel and scent and not by
-sight, but here the road was strange to her, now high, now low, for the
-stones were sunken sometimes, and often she would have fallen had it
-not been for her mother’s hand.
-
-Then the mother seeing this was frightened and her heart ran ahead to
-meet this fresh evil and she cried out afraid, “I doubt I have brought
-you too late, poor child. But you never told me that you could not see
-and I thought it was but the water in your eyes that kept you blinded.”
-
-And the girl half sobbing answered, “I thought I saw well enough, too,
-my mother, and I think I do, only this road is so up and down, and you
-go more quickly than I am used to go.”
-
-Then the mother slowed her steps and said no more and they went on,
-more slowly, save that when they came near to that shop of medicine
-the mother made haste again without knowing that she did, she was so
-eager. It was still early in the day and they were the first buyers and
-the medicine seller was but taking down the boards from his shop doors,
-and he did it slowly, stopping often to yawn and thrust his fingers
-into his long and uncombed hair and scratch his head. When he looked
-up and saw this countrywoman and the girl standing there before his
-counter he was amazed and he cried out, “What is it you want at such an
-early hour?”
-
-Then the mother pointed to her child and she said, “Is there any balm
-that you have for such eyes as these?”
-
-The man stared at the girl then and at her seared and red-rimmed eyes
-that she could scarcely open at all so red and seared they were, and he
-said, “How has she come by such eyes?”
-
-The mother answered, “At first we thought it was the smoke made them
-so. My man is dead and I have a man’s work to do on the land, and often
-has she fed the fire if I came home late. But these last years it seems
-more than this, for I have saved her the smoke, and there seems some
-heat that comes up in her of its own accord and burns her eyes. What
-fire it can be I do not know, being as she is the mildest maid, and
-never even out of temper.”
-
-Then the man shook his head, yawning widely again, and he said
-carelessly, “There are many who have eyes like these from some fire in
-them, various fires they be, and there is no balm to heal such fever.
-It will come up and up. Aye, and there is no healing.”
-
-Now these words fell like iron upon the two hearts that heard them and
-the mother said in a low swift voice, “But there may be--there must be
-some physician somewhere. Do you know of any good physician not too
-costly, since we be poor?”
-
-But the man shook his tousled head languidly and went to fetch some
-drug he kept in a little box of wood, and he said as he went, “There is
-no skill to make her see, and this I know for I have seen a many such
-sore eyes, and every day people come here with such eyes and cry of
-inner fever. Aye, and even those foreign doctors have no true good way
-I hear, for though they cut the eyes open again and rub the inner part
-with magic stones and mutter runes and prayers, still the inner fires
-come up and burn the eyes again, and none can cut away that fire for it
-burns inside the seat of life. Yet here is a cooling powder that will
-cool a little while, though heal it cannot.”
-
-And he fetched a powder rolled in little grains like wheat and the
-color of a dark wheat, and he put them into a goose quill and sealed
-the other end with tallow and he said again, “Aye, she is blind,
-goodwife.” And when he saw how the young girl’s face looked at this
-news and how she was bewildered like a child is who has received a
-heavy unseen blow, he added, half kindly, too, “And what use to grieve?
-It is her destiny. In some other life she must have done an evil
-thing, looked on some forbidden sight, and so received this curse. Or
-else her father may have sinned, or even you, goodwife--who knows the
-heart? But however that may be the curse is here upon her and none can
-change what heaven wills.” And again he yawned, his brief kindness
-done, and he took the pence the woman gave him and shuffled into some
-inner room.
-
-As for the mother, she spoke back with brave anger and she said, “She
-is not blind! Whoever heard of sore eyes making people blind? My man’s
-mother’s eyes were sore from childhood, but she did not die blind!” And
-she went quickly before the man could make an answer, and she held the
-girl’s hand hard to stay its trembling, and she went to a silversmith,
-not to that same one, and she took from her bosom that packet and she
-gave it to the bearded man who kept the shop and said, in a low voice,
-“Change me these into coin, for my man is dead and I cannot wear them
-more.”
-
-Then while the old man weighed out the trinkets to see what their worth
-was in coin, she waited and the young girl began to sob a little softly
-in her sleeve and then she said out from her sobs, “I do not believe
-I am truly blind, mother, for it seems to me I see something shining
-there on the scales, and if I were blind I could not see it, could I?
-What is that shining?”
-
-Then the mother knew the girl was blind indeed, or good as blind, for
-the trinkets lay bright and plain not two feet from the girl’s face,
-and she groaned in herself and she said, “You are right, too, child,
-and it is a bit of silver I had in a ring and I cannot wear now, and so
-I change it into coin we can use.”
-
-And in this new sorrow come upon her the woman gave no single thought
-to the trinkets when they were gone or thought of what they meant. No,
-she only thought of this, that with all their silvery shining her child
-could not see them, and the old man took them and hung them in his
-little case where he kept bracelets and rings and chains for children’s
-necks and such pretty things, and she forgot all they had meant to her
-except, now, a shining thing her blind child could not see.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Yet was there one thing more to do, and she knew that she must do, if
-so be the child was to be truly blind. Holding the girl’s hand she went
-along, shielding her from those who passed, for by now the streets
-were thronged and many came to buy and sell, farmers and gardeners
-setting their baskets of green and fresh vegetables along the sides of
-the streets, and fishermen setting out their tubs of fish there too.
-But the mother went until she came to a certain shop and she left the
-girl beside the door and went in alone, and when a clerk came forward
-to know what she would have, she pointed at a thing and said, “That,”
-and it was the small brass gong and the little wooden hammer tied to
-it that the blind use when they walk to warn others they are blind.
-The clerk struck it once or twice to show its worth before he wrapped
-it, and hearing that sound the young girl lifted her head quickly and
-called, “Mother, there is a blind man here, for I hear a sound clear as
-a bell.”
-
-The clerk laughed loudly then, for well he saw the maid was blind, and
-he burst out, “There be none but--”
-
-But the mother scowled at him so sourly that he left his words hanging
-as they were and gave the thing to her quickly and stood and stared
-like any fool at her while she went away, not knowing what to make of
-it.
-
-They went home then and the young girl was contented to go home, for
-as the morning wore on the town grew full of noise and bustle and
-frightening sounds she was not used to hear and loud voices bawling in
-a bargain and rude thrusts against her from those she could not see,
-and she put her little foot here and there, feeling in her delicate way
-as she went, smiling unconsciously in her pain. But the mother grieved
-most bitterly in secret and she held hard in her other hand the thing
-she had bought, which is the sign of those who are blind.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Yet though she had this little gong, she could not give it to the girl.
-She could not take it that the girl’s eyes were wholly sightless. She
-waited through the summer and they reaped the grain again, and it was
-measured to the new agent that the landlord sent, an old man this time,
-some poor cousin or distant kin, and autumn came, but still the mother
-could not give the girl the sign. No, there was a thing yet she must
-do, a prayer to make. For seeing daily her blind child, the mother
-remembered what the apothecary had said that day, “Some sin her parents
-did, perhaps--who knows the heart?”
-
-She told herself that she would set forth to a temple that she
-knew--not to that wayside shrine nor ever to those gods whose faces
-she had covered--but to a temple far away, a whole ten miles and more,
-where she had heard there was a kind and potent goddess who heard women
-when they prayed bitterly. The mother told her two sons why she went
-and they were grave and awed to think what had befallen their sister.
-The elder said in his old man’s way, “I have been long afraid there was
-a thing wrong with her.” But the younger lad cried out astonished, “As
-for me, I never dreamed there was aught wrong with her eyes I am so
-used to her as she is!”
-
-And the mother told the maid too and she said, “Daughter, I go to the
-temple to the south where there is that living goddess, and it is the
-selfsame one who gave the son to Li the Sixth’s wife when she had gone
-barren all her life long and she was nearing the end of her time to
-bear, and her man grew impatient and would have taken a concubine he
-was so angry with her barrenness, and she went and prayed and there
-came that fine good son she has.”
-
-And the maid answered, “Well I remember it, mother, and she made two
-silken shoes for the goddess and gave them when the boy was born. Aye,
-mother, go quickly, for she is a true good goddess.”
-
-So the mother set forth alone, and all day she struggled against
-the wind which blew unceasing through this month, blowing down the
-cold with it as it came out of the desert north, so that the leaves
-shriveled on the trees and the wayside grass turned crisp and sere and
-all things came to blight and death. But heavier than the wind, more
-bitter, was the fear of the mother now and she feared that her own sin
-had come upon the child. When at last she came into the temple she did
-not see at all how great and fine it was, its walls painted rosy red
-and the gods gilded and many people coming to and fro for worship. No,
-she went quickly in, searching out that one goddess that she knew, and
-she bought a bit of incense at the door where it was sold, and she said
-to the first gray priest she saw, “Where is the living goddess?”
-
-Then he, supposing her from her common looks to be but one of those
-many women who came each day to ask for sons, pointed with his pursed
-mouth to a dark corner where a small old dingy goddess sat between two
-lesser figures who attended her. There the mother went and stood and
-waited while an old bent woman muttered her prayers for a son who could
-not move and had lain these many years, she told the goddess, on his
-bed, so stricken he could not even beget a son again, and the old woman
-prayed and said, “If there be a sin in our house for which we have not
-atoned, then tell me, lady goddess, if this is why he lies there, and
-I will atone--I will atone!”
-
-Then the old woman rose and coughing and sighing she went her way and
-the mother knelt and said her wish, too. But she could not forget what
-the old woman had said, and to the mother it seemed the goddess looked
-down harshly, and that the smooth golden face stared down fixed and
-unmoved by the sinful soul who prayed, whose sin was not atoned.
-
-So the mother rose at last and sighed most heavily, not knowing what
-her prayer was worth, and she lit her incense and went away again. When
-she had walked the ten miles and come to her own door once more, cold
-and weary, she sank upon the stool and she said sadly when the children
-asked her how the goddess heard her prayer, “How do I know what heaven
-wills? I could but say my prayer and it must be as heaven wills and we
-can only wait and see how it will be.”
-
-But with all her secret heart she wished she had not sinned her sin.
-The more she wished the more she wondered how she could have done it,
-and all her gorge rose against that smooth-faced man and she loathed
-him for her sin’s sake and because she could not now in any way undo
-what had been done. At that hour of deep loathing she was healed of all
-her heat and youth, and she was young no more. For her there was no man
-left in the world for man’s own sake, and there were only these three
-her children, and one blind.
-
-
-
-
-XIII
-
-
-Now the mother was no longer young. She was in her forty and third
-year, and when she counted on her fingers sometimes in the night how
-many years her children’s father had been gone, she used the fingers
-of her two hands and two more over again, and even the years that she
-had let the hamlet think him dead were more than all the fingers on one
-hand.
-
-Yet she walked straight and slight as ever, and no flesh grew on her
-frame. Others might begin to shrivel or grow fat as the cousin’s wife
-did each year, and the old gossip, too, yet this woman stayed lean and
-strong as she had been when she was young. But her breasts grew small
-and dry, and in the strong sunlight where one saw her face full, there
-were lines about the eyes from working in the bright hard sunshine, and
-the skin was dark with the burning of the many years in the fields.
-She moved somewhat more slowly than she did, too, without the old
-lightness, for she had never been as she was before she tore that wild
-life out of her. When she was called for childbirth in the hamlet as
-she often was now, seeing she was widowed and counted as among the
-ones not young, she found it hard to move so quickly as she must
-sometimes, and once or twice a young mother caught the child herself,
-and once she even let a newborn babe fall to the brick floor and bruise
-its head, and it was a boy, too, but still no harm was done in the end
-most luckily, for the lad grew up sturdy and with all his senses in him.
-
-As her children grew, to them their mother seemed old. The eldest was
-forever urging her to rest herself and not to heave so at the hard
-great clods when the land was ploughed but let him do it, for he did it
-easily now in the strength of his young manhood, and he strove to have
-her do the lesser lighter things, and nothing pleased him better than
-to see her sit quietly upon her stool in the shade on a summer’s day
-sewing, and let him go to the land alone.
-
-Yet the truth was she was not after all as old as her son would have
-her. She ever loved the field work better than any and she loved to
-work there on the land and then come home, her body wet with her clean
-sweat and the wind blowing cool on that wetness, and her flesh weary
-but sweetly so. Her eyes were used to fields and hills and great
-things, and they did not narrow easily to small fine things like
-needles.
-
-Indeed, in that house they sorely missed a woman young and with sound
-eyes, for they all knew now the girl’s eyes were blind. She knew,
-too, poor maid; ever since that day when she had gone to town with
-her mother she knew it secretly, even as her mother did, and neither
-had any great faith in the goddess, somehow, the mother from what she
-feared of that old sin of hers, and the maid because her blindness
-seemed to her a destiny.
-
-One day the mother cried, “Have you used that stuff all gone from the
-goose quill?” and the girl answered quietly from the doorstep where she
-sat, for there was this one good she had, the light hurt her no more
-because she could not see it, and she said, “I have used it to the end
-long since.”
-
-And the mother said again, “I must buy you more--why did you not say it
-sooner?”
-
-But the young girl shook her head, and the mother’s heart stopped to
-see her look, and then these words came wildly from those gentle lips,
-“Oh, mother, I am blind--well I know I am blind! I cannot see your
-face at all now, and if I went out from our own dooryard across the
-threshing-floor, I could not see the way to go. Do you not see I never
-go away from the house now, not even to the field?” And she fell to
-weeping, wincing and biting her lips, for it was still painful to her
-to weep, and she would not unless she could not help herself.
-
-The mother answered nothing. What was there to answer to her blind
-child?... But after a while she rose and went into the room and from
-the drawer where once the trinkets lay she fetched out the little gong
-she bought and she said to the girl, going to her, “Child, I bought
-this thing against the day--” She could not finish but she pressed
-the thing into the girl’s hand and the girl took it, feeling quickly
-what it was, and she held it fast and said in her plaintive way, quiet
-again, “Yes, I need it, mother.”
-
-When the elder son came home that evening his mother bade him cut a
-staff from some hard tree and smooth it to his sister’s hand, so that
-with her little sounding signal in one hand and in the other the staff
-she might move about more freely and with something less of fear, as
-the blind do, and so if any harm came to her, or one pushed against her
-carelessly or knocked her so she fell, the mother would not be blamed
-because she had set the sign of blindness plain upon the maid for all
-to see.
-
-Thereafter the young girl carried with her when she went outside the
-door at all these two things, her staff and her small gong, and she
-learned to tinkle the gong softly and clearly and she moved in a quiet
-sure way, a pretty maid enough, her face small and plaintive and on it
-that still look that blindness sets upon a face.
-
-Yet this blind maid was wonderfully clever, too, in her own way about
-the house. There she needed no sign or staff, and she could wash the
-rice and cook it, save that her mother would not let her light the fire
-any more, but she could sweep the room and the threshing-floor, and
-she could draw water from the pool, and search for eggs if the fowls
-laid them in some usual place, and she knew by scent and sound where
-the beasts were and how to set their food before them, and almost
-everything she could do, except to sew and work in the fields, and for
-labor in the fields she was not strong enough, for her suffering from
-babyhood had seemed to stunt her and hold back her growth.
-
-Seeing the young girl move thus about the house the mother’s heart
-would melt within her and she suffered for what fate might befall
-this young thing when she must wed her somewhere. For wed she must be
-somehow, lest after the mother died there be not one to care for the
-maid nor one to whom she truly could belong, since a woman belongs
-first to the husband’s house and not to that house where she was born.
-Often and often the mother thought of this and she wondered who would
-have a maid who was blind, and if none would have her then what would
-happen to her in the end. If ever she spoke this matter out the elder
-lad would answer, “I will care for her, mother, as long as she will
-do her share,” and this would comfort the mother somewhat and yet she
-knew a man cannot be fully known until it is seen what his wife is, and
-she would think to herself, “I must find him such a wife as will take
-good heed of my blind maid and be kind to her. When I go looking for
-his wife I must find one who will take heed of two, her husband and his
-sister.”
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was time, too, the mother found a wife for this elder son of hers.
-Nineteen years old he had got to be and almost without her knowing it.
-Yet he had never asked her for a wife nor shown her his need of one.
-Ever he had been the best and mildest son a mother could have, working
-hard and never asking anything and if he went to the teashop sometimes
-or rarely on a holiday in town, although that he never did unless he
-had some business to put with it, he never took share in any ribaldry,
-nor even in a game of chance except to watch it from afar, and he was
-always silent where his elders were.
-
-A very perfect son he was and with but one fault left now that he had
-passed the little faults of childhood and it was that he would not
-spare his younger brother. No, it was the strangest thing, but this
-elder son of hers, who was so even and gentle with all the world and
-even with the beasts, so silent he would scarcely say what color he
-would have the next new coat his mother bought him, when he was brother
-he was hard upon the younger lad and railed against the boy if he grew
-slack and played, and he held the boy bitterly to every sort of labor
-on the land. The house was full of quarreling, the younger lad noisy
-and full of angry words, and the elder brother holding himself silent
-until he could bear no more and then he fell upon his brother with
-whatever he had by him or with his bare hands and he beat the boy until
-he ran blubbering and dodging in and out among the trees and seeking
-refuge in his cousin’s house. And truly it came to such a pass as this,
-that the whole hamlet blamed the elder brother for his hardness and
-ran to save the younger lad, and so encouraged, the lad grew bold and
-ran away from work and lived mostly at his cousin’s house, lost there
-among the many lads and maids who grew there as they would, and he came
-home freely only when he saw his brother gone to work.
-
-But sometimes the elder brother grew so bitter in his heart he came
-home out of time and found his younger brother and then he caught the
-lad’s head beneath his arm and cuffed him until the mother would come
-running and she cried, “Now let be--let be--shame on you, son, to
-strike your little brother so, and frighten your sister!”
-
-But the young man answered bitterly, “Shall I not chastise him, being
-older brother to him and his father gone? He is an idle lazy lout,
-gaming already every time he can, and well you know it, mother, but you
-have ever loved him best!”
-
-It was true the mother did love this youngest son the best, and he
-moved her heart as neither of the others did. The eldest son grew man
-so soon, it seemed to her, and silent and with naught to say to anyone,
-and she did not know this was because he was so often weary and that
-she thought him surly when he was only very weary. As for the girl, the
-mother loved her well but always with pain, for there the blind eyes
-were always for a reproach and she never could forget that the goddess
-had not heard her prayer nor had the mother ever heart to pray again,
-fearing now that it was her own sin come down in some way worse than
-she could bear because it fell upon her child. So it was that while her
-heart was ever soft with pity still the maid was never any joy to her.
-Even when the maid came loving and near and smiling and sat to listen
-to her mother’s voice, the mother rose with some excuse and busied
-herself somehow, because she could not bear to see those closed and
-empty eyes.
-
-Only this youngest son was sound and whole and merry and oftentimes he
-seemed his father over again, and more and more the mother loved him,
-and all the love she ever had for the man now turned itself upon this
-son. She loved him and often stood between him and the elder brother
-so that when the young man seized the boy she rushed between them and
-caught the blows and forced her son to cease for shame because he might
-strike his mother, and then the lad would slip away.
-
-It came to be that after a while the lad slipped often thus away and
-from his hiding in his cousin’s house he went to wandering here and
-there and even to the town and he would be gone perhaps a day or two,
-and then he would run back to his cousin’s house and come out as if he
-had been there all the time, his eyes upon his elder brother’s mood
-that day. And if he did not come, the mother would wait until the elder
-son was gone and she went to the cousin’s house and coaxed him home
-with some dainty she had made. But she half feared her elder son too
-these days and sometimes she would start with him to the field or
-leave soon and come and give the lad his meal first before his brother
-came, and he picked the best from every dish and she let him, for she
-loved him so well. She loved him for his merry words and ways and for
-his smooth round face and for the same supple, lissome body that his
-father had. The elder lad went bent already with his labor, his hand
-hard and slow, but this lad was quick and brown and smooth-skinned
-everywhere and light upon his feet as a young male cat, and the mother
-loved him.
-
-And the slow elder son felt this warm love his mother had for his
-brother, and he brooded on it. Every day of labor he had done, and all
-the labor that he spared her he remembered now and it seemed to him
-his mother was the crudest soul that ever lived and she never recked
-it anything that he had striven from childhood for her sake. So the
-bitterness gathered slow and deep within his heart, and he hated his
-brother.
-
-
-
-
-XIV
-
-
-Now all this hatred gathered in the elder son and even the mother did
-not know how deep it was until a certain day when out it came, bursting
-forth like a river dammed behind a dyke and swollen with waters from
-small secret sources that men do not know, so that when it breaks they
-are astonished because none knew how it had been with that river all
-the days when it had seemed the same.
-
-It was at the time of the rice harvest at the end of a summer when all
-must labor hard and heavily upon the land from dawn to dark, and so
-everyone must labor who is not rich enough to hire it done for him. Now
-the young lad had labored that day, too, although he usually thought of
-some distant thing he had to do elsewhere. But this time the mother had
-coaxed him to it and she had said to him secretly, smoothing his bony
-lad’s hand while she talked, “Work well for these few days, my son,
-while the harvest lasts, and show your brother how well you can do,
-and if you will work well and please him then I will buy you something
-pretty when the work is done, something that you want most.”
-
-So the lad promised he would, pouting his red lips and feeling himself
-hard used, and he worked well enough, although not too well, yet well
-enough to save his skin when his brother’s eye fell on him.
-
-But that day when a rain threatened before the sheaves were in, they
-all worked beyond the usual hour and the mother worked until she was
-spent, for she had never been so tireless as she was before she ate the
-bitter herbs to save her honor that dark night. Then she sighed and
-straightened her aching back and said, “My son, I will go home and see
-the food is heated for you when you come, for I am spent and sore.”
-
-“Go home, then,” said the elder son a little roughly, yet not meaning
-to be so, for he never urged his mother to do more than she would. So
-she went then, and left the brothers alone, for the hour grew too late
-even for the gleaners who had followed them by day.
-
-Scarcely had she set the food to boiling when the maid cried out from
-where she sat upon the threshold that she heard her little brother
-weeping, and when the mother ran out of the kitchen it was so and she
-ran to the harvest field and there upon the reaped grain the elder son
-was beating the younger one most mercilessly with the handle of his
-scythe, and the younger one was howling and striking back with his two
-fists and struggling to loose himself from his brother’s hard grasp
-about his neck. But the elder brother held him fast and beat him with
-the dull end of the handle. Then the mother ran with all her strength
-and clung to the angry elder son and begged of him, “Oh, my son, a
-little lad he is yet--Oh, son. Oh, son!”
-
-And as she clung like this the younger slipped out from the elder’s
-hand and ran swift as a young hare across the field and disappeared
-into the dusk. There were these two left, the mother and her bitter
-elder son. Then she faltered, “He is such a child yet, son, only
-fourteen and with his mind still on play.”
-
-But the young man replied, “Was I child at fourteen? Did I play at
-harvest time when I was fourteen and needed I to have you bribe me with
-a ring and a new robe and this and that I had not earned?”
-
-Then she knew the silly younger lad had boasted of what he would have
-and she stood speechless, caught in her fault, staring at her son and
-silent, and he went on and cried, his bitterness bursting from him,
-“Yes, you keep the money, and I give you all we earn. I never take a
-penny for my own, not even to smoke a little pipe of any kind or take
-a bowl of wine or buy myself anything a young man might have and count
-it but his due. Yet you must promise him all I never had! And for what?
-To do the labor that he ought to do for nothing and to pay for what he
-eats and wears!”
-
-“I did not promise rings and robes,” she said in a low and troubled
-voice, half afraid of this angry son of hers who was so grave and quiet
-on other days that she did not know him now.
-
-“You did!” he said most passionately. “Or if not that, then worse, for
-he said he was to have what he wanted when the harvest money was in and
-taxes paid. He said you promised!”
-
-“I meant some small toy or other, costing but a penny or so,” she
-answered, shamed before this good son of hers. And then plucking up
-her courage--for was he not her son still?--she added, “And if I did
-promise a little toy it was but to save him from your angers on him
-always, whatever he may do, so that you keep him down with all your
-cruel looks and words--and now blows!”
-
-But he would say no more. He fell to the sheaves again and worked as
-though some demon had him, he worked so hard and fast. The mother stood
-looking at him, not knowing what to do, feeling he was hard, too, with
-her little son, and yet knowing somehow she was wrong. Then as she
-looked she saw the young man was very near to tears, so that he set his
-jaws hard to keep back a sob, and when she saw this sign of feeling
-in him, such as she had never seen in him who always seemed so usual
-and content and without any desire, her heart grew soft as ever it did
-when she had harmed a child of hers, although he did not know it, and
-she softened to him more than she had ever done before and she cried
-quickly, “Son, I am wrong, I know. I have not done well enough for you
-of late. I have not seen how you have grown into a man. But man you
-are, and now I see it, and you shall take the man’s place in our house
-and you shall have the money and the chief place in name as well as
-in the labor you have always done. Yes, I see you are a man now, and I
-will do straightway what I have put off too long. I will find a wife
-for you and it will be your turn now and hers. I have not seen it, but
-now I see it well.”
-
-So she made amends. He muttered something then that she could not hear
-and turned his back and said no more but worked on. But she felt eased
-by her amends and went back crying briskly, “Well, and all the rice
-will be burned, I swear--” and this she said to cover up the feeling of
-the moment and make it usual.
-
-But when she was home again she busied herself here and there
-forgetting all her weariness, and when the maid asked, “Mother, what
-was wrong?” she answered quickly, “Nothing much amiss, child, except
-your younger brother would not do his share, or so his brother said.
-But brothers always quarrel, I think,” and she ran and made an extra
-dish from some radishes she pulled, and sliced them and poured vinegar
-upon them and sesame oil and soy sauce, such as she knew her son loved.
-And as she worked she pondered her amends and it seemed true to her her
-son should wed and she blamed herself because she had leaned on him as
-on a man, and yet he had not man’s reward, and she set her mind to do
-all that she had said she would.
-
-Her elder son came in at last and later than usual so that it was
-wholly dark and she could not see his face until he came within the
-light of the candle she had lit and set ready on the table. She looked
-at him closely then, without his seeing her, and she saw he was himself
-again and pleased with what she had said and all his anger gone. And
-seeing this peace upon her elder son she called to the younger one who
-hung about the door, not daring to come in until he knew his brother’s
-temper, and yet driven by hunger, too, and she called out, “Come in,
-little son!”
-
-And he came in, his eyes upon his brother. But the elder paid no heed
-to him, his anger gone for this time, and the mother was well content
-and knew she had decided well and so she moved to carry out her promise
-to the end.
-
- * * * * *
-
-And as she ever did in any little trouble, she went to the cousin and
-to the cousin’s wife, for she herself knew no maid, since none in that
-hamlet could be chosen, seeing all were kin by blood and marriage and
-had the same surname, nor did she know any maid in town, for there she
-had dealings only with such small shops as bought the little she had
-to sell. She went at an hour in evening, for the year was yet warm
-although early autumn was near, and they sat and talked while the
-cousin’s wife suckled her last child. The mother made known her want at
-last and said, “Then do you know any maid, my sister, in that village
-where you lived before you were wed? A maid like yourself I would like
-very well, easy tempered and quick to bear and good enough at labor.
-The house I can tend myself yet for many a year, and if she be not so
-good in the house I can endure it.”
-
-The good cousin’s wife laughed at this loudly and looked at her man and
-cried, “I do not know if he would say your son would count it curse or
-blessing to have one like me.”
-
-Then the man looked up in his slow way, a bit of rice stalk in his
-mouth which he had sat chewing as he listened, and he answered
-thoughtfully, “Oh, aye--good enough--” and his wife laughed again to
-hear his luke-warmness and then she said, “Well, and I can go there and
-see, sister, and there are two hundred families or so in that village,
-a market-town it is, and doubtless one maid among so many ready to be
-wed.”
-
-So they talked on of it and the mother said plainly there must not be
-too great a cost, and she said, “I know very well I cannot hope for one
-of the very best in every way, since I am poor and my son has no great
-lot of land and we must rent more than we own.”
-
-But the man spoke up and said to this, “Well, but you do own some land,
-and it is something nowadays when many have nothing at all, and I had
-liefer wed a maid of mine to a man who has some land and little silver
-than to one who has much silver and no firm land to stand on. A good
-man and good land--that would be sound promise for any maid if she were
-mine.” And when his wife said, “Well, then, children’s father, if you
-will let me go, I can go to that town a day or two, and look about,”
-then he said in his spare way, “Oh, aye, I will--the maids are old
-enough to free you now and then.”
-
-So soon thereafter the cousin’s wife dressed herself clean and took
-the babe and a child or two among the little ones to show her father’s
-family and she took an elder two or so to help her with the little
-ones, and hired a wheelbarrow to put them all upon and she rode her
-husband’s gray ass he did not need these days now that the harvest
-was over and he could use his ox to tread the grain. They set forth
-thus and were gone three days and more. And when she was come back she
-was right full of all the maids that she had seen and she said to the
-mother, who ran to hear her when the news came she had returned,
-
-“Maids there be a plenty in that village for we never kill them there
-as they do in some towns when babes are girls, and they are allowed to
-grow however many a mother has, and so the village is full of them.
-I saw a dozen that I knew myself, sister, all well grown and full of
-flesh and color, and any would have done for any son I have. But still
-only one was needed and I narrowed my two eyes and looked at this
-one and that one, and chose out three, and out of the three I looked
-again and saw one had a cough and a bubbly nose, and one was with some
-soreness of the eyes, and the third was best. She is a sharp and clever
-maid, I swear, very careful in all she says and does, and they say she
-is the quickest seamstress in the town. She makes her own clothes and
-clothes for all her father’s house and some for others and turns a bit
-of silver in. A little old she is, perhaps, for your lad, because once
-she was betrothed, and the man died out of time, or she would be wed by
-now. But this is not ill, either, for the father is eager to wed her
-somehow and will not ask much for her. She is not so pretty perhaps as
-the others--her face a little yellow from sewing overmuch, but she is
-clean-eyed.”
-
-Then the mother answered quickly, “We have sore eyes enough in our
-house, I swear, and my eyes are not what they were either, and we need
-someone who sews and likes it. Settle it then, my sister, with this
-one, and if she is not above five years older than my son, it is well
-enough.”
-
-So was it done, and the days of the month and the years in which
-the two were born and the hours of their birth were compared upon a
-geomancer’s table in the town, and they were all favorable. The young
-man was born under the sign of horse, and the maid under the sign of
-cat, which do not devour each other, and thus was harmony foretold in
-the marriage. All things being right by destiny, therefore, the gifts
-that must be given were given.
-
-Now out of her little hidden store the mother brought forth bits of
-silver and odd copper coins and she bought good cotton stuffs and made
-two garments for the maid, herself. And as the custom was in those
-parts she wished a lucky woman to cut the garments, some woman whose
-life was whole with man and sons. What woman then was more lucky in the
-hamlet than the cousin’s wife? The mother took the good stuff to her
-and said, “Set your hand here, my sister, so that your luck may fall
-upon my son’s wife.”
-
-And so the cousin’s wife did, and she cut the garments wide and full
-across the belly so that when the maid conceived they could be worn
-with ease and not laid aside to waste.
-
-And the mother put forth more silver and hired the red marriage chair
-and the bead crown and the earrings of false pearls and all that was
-needful for the day, and especially the trousers of red which every
-bride must wear in those parts. So was the marriage day set and it drew
-on, and dawned at last, a clear cold day in the winter of that year.
-
-Now was it a strange day for this mother when she must welcome to her
-house a new and younger woman, so long had she been master there as
-well as mistress. When she was dressed in her best and stood waiting at
-her door, when she saw the red bridal chair come near with its burden
-of the bride within, it seemed suddenly but a little while ago when
-she herself had come in that same chair, and the old woman dead stood
-where she stood today and her own man where her son stood. Rarely did
-she think these days of that man of hers, and truly did he seem dead
-to her, but the strangest longing fell on her for him while she stood
-waiting. It was not the longing of the flesh; no, that was dead and
-gone now. It was some other longing, the longing for some completeness
-of her own age, for she felt alone.
-
-She looked at her son newly, no longer only son to her, but husband to
-another now, and there he stood, very still, his head hung down, stiff
-in the new black robe she had made for him, and shoes upon his feet
-most often bare. He seemed unmoved, or so she thought until she saw his
-hanging hands trembling against the black of his robe. She sighed again
-then, and again she thought of her own man and how she had peeped out
-at him from behind the curtains of her chair and how her heart leaped
-to see how fair he was and how good a man to look on in every way.
-Yes, he had been prettier far than this son of hers was today, and she
-thought to herself now that he was the prettiest man she had ever seen.
-
-But before she had time to grieve more than in this dim way the first
-of the procession came, the small wedding fruits, the cock she had sent
-to the bride’s house and that according to custom they sent back and
-with it a hen they mated to it, and after these few things, the chair
-was fetched and set down there before the door and the cousin’s wife
-and the gossip and the other elder women of the hamlet took the bride’s
-hand and tried to pull her forth. And she was proper and reluctant and
-came at last but most unwillingly, and when she did come she made her
-eyes downcast and did not look up once. Then the mother withdrew into
-her cousin’s house, as was the custom too in those parts where it was
-said a son’s wife must not see too easily her husband’s mother, lest
-she do not fear her thereafter, and all that day the mother stayed in
-the cousin’s house.
-
-But still she stayed near the door to hear what people said of this new
-wife, and she heard some cry, “A very good and earnest-looking maid,”
-and some said, “They say she sews well, and if it is true she made
-those shoes she wears, she has ten good fingers, I swear!” And some
-among the women went up and fingered the red wedding robes and lifted
-the coat to see the inner ones, and all were well and neatly made, and
-the buttons hard and nicely turned of twisted cloth, and they ran and
-told the mother all, “A decent, able maid, goodwife, and with a proper
-look.” But some among the men spoke coarsely and one said, “Too thin
-and yellow for my taste, I swear!” and another called out, “Aye, but a
-few months will mend the thinness, brother--naught like a man to make a
-maid swell!”
-
-And in all this merry, ribald talk the maid moved demurely to her new
-home and so was wed.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Now must the mother leave the bed where she had slept these many years,
-and when the daughter-in-law came to make the bed for the mother that
-night, for so it was done in those parts, she made the pallet where
-the old dead woman once had slept behind the curtains, and later the
-elder son; and the blind girl had a pallet of her own beside it, and
-the younger lad slept in the kitchen if he slept at home. Yes, upon the
-true bed the elder son slept now with his new wife.
-
-It was not easy either for the mother to give up to this new pair that
-place which had been hers and her man’s, and it made her seem old to
-herself at night to lie on the old woman’s pallet. Through the day she
-could be usual, busy everywhere, commanding all, her tongue quick to
-correct and command, but at night she was old. Oftentimes she woke and
-it seemed to her it could not be she who lay there and the other pair
-upon the bed, and she thought to herself amazed, “Now I suppose that
-old soul who was mother when I came to this house felt as I do now,
-when I came a bride and pushed her from her bed and lay there with her
-son in my turn. And now another lies with my son.”
-
-It seemed so strange, so endless, this turning of some hidden wheel,
-this passing on of link caught onto link in some never ending chain
-that she was dazed with thinking of it even dimly, since she was not
-one to think into the meanings of what passed before her, but only
-taking all that came for what it was. But she was lessened in her own
-eyes from that day on. Even though she was in name the oldest and the
-first and mistress over all, she was not first in her own eyes.
-
-And she watched this son’s wife. She was dutiful and day after day
-she made her bow before her husband’s mother, until the mother grew
-weary and shouted at her, “Enough!” But the mother could not find any
-fault in her. Then was this very faultlessness a fault and the mother
-muttered, “Well, and doubtless she has some secret inner fault I do not
-see at once.”
-
-For the son’s wife did not, as some maids do, set forth all that she
-was at once. She was diligent and she was smooth and quick at work and
-when the work was done she sat and sewed on something for her husband
-but all she did was done in her own careful way.
-
-Now there are not two women in this world who do the same task alike,
-and this the mother had not known, thinking all did as she did. But no,
-this son’s wife had her own way of doing all. When she cooked the rice
-she put too much water in, or so the mother thought, and the rice came
-out softer than the mother was used or liked to have it. And she told
-the son’s wife so, but that one shut her pale lips smoothly and said,
-“But so I ever do it.” And she would not change.
-
-Thus it was with everything. This and that about the house she changed
-to her own liking, not quickly nor in any temper, but in a small,
-careful, gradual way, so that it gave the mother no handle to lay her
-anger on. There was another thing. The young wife did not like the
-smell of beasts at night, and made complaint, but not to the older
-woman, only to the man, until he set to work that same winter to add a
-room to the house where they could move the bed in and sleep alone.
-And the older woman looked on astonished at such new ways.
-
-At first she said to the blind maid that she would not be angry with
-the son’s wife. And indeed it was not easy to be angry quickly, for the
-young wife did well and worked carefully, so that it was hard to say
-“this is wrong” or “you did not do that well.” But there were things
-the mother hated somehow, though most she loathed the softened rice and
-of it she grumbled often and at last aloud, “I never do feel full and
-fed with such soft stuff. There is naught to set my teeth down on--this
-watery stuff, it passes my belly like a wind and does not lie like firm
-good food.” And when she saw her son’s wife pay no heed to this she
-went secretly to her son one day where he worked in the field and there
-she said, “Son, why do you not bid her cook the rice more dry and hard?
-I thought you used to like it so.”
-
-The son stopped his labor then and stayed himself a moment on his hoe
-and said in his calm way, “I like it as she does it very well.”
-
-Then the mother felt her anger rise and she said, “You did not use to
-like it so and it means you have joined yourself to her instead of me.
-It is shameful that you like her so and go against your mother.”
-
-Then the red came flooding into the young man’s face and he said
-simply, “Aye, I like her well enough,” and fell to his hoe again.
-
-From that day on the mother knew the two were masters in the house.
-The eldest son was not less kind than usual and he did his work well
-and took the money into his own hand. It was true he did not spend it,
-nor did his wife, for the two were a saving pair, but they were man and
-wife and this their house and land, and to them the mother was but the
-old woman in the house. It was true that if she spoke of field or seed
-and of all the labor that she knew so well because it had been hers,
-they let her speak, but yet when she had finished it was as though she
-had not spoken, and they made their plans and carried all on as they
-liked. It seemed to her she was nothing any more, her wisdom less than
-nothing in the house that had been hers.
-
-Very bitter was it for anyone to bear and when the new room was made
-and the pair moved into it, the mother muttered to the blind girl who
-slept beside her, “I never saw such finicking as this, as though the
-honest smell of beasts was poison! I do swear they made that room so
-they could be away from us and talk their plans we cannot hear. They
-never tell me anything. It is not the beasts--it is that your brother
-loves her shamefully. Yes, they care nothing for you or for your little
-brother, nor even for me, I know.” And when the girl did not answer she
-said, “Do you not think so, too, my maid? Am I not right?”
-
-Then the maid hesitated and she said after a while out of the darkness,
-“Mother, it is true I have something to say I would say and yet I
-would not, lest it grieve you.”
-
-Then the mother cried out, “Say on, child. I am used to grief, I think.”
-
-And then the maid asked in a small sad voice, “Mother, what will you do
-with me, blind as I am?”
-
-Now all this time the mother had not thought otherwise than that this
-maid would live on here with her a while at least and she said in
-surprise, “What do you mean, my maid?”
-
-And the maid said, “I do not mean my brother’s wife is not kind--she is
-not cruel, mother. But I think she does not dream you will not wed me
-soon. I heard her ask my little brother but the other day where I was
-betrothed, and when he said I was not she said surprised, ‘A great maid
-to be without a mother-in-law still.’”
-
-“But you are blind, child,” said the mother, “and it is not so easy to
-wed a blind maid.”
-
-“I know it,” said the maid gently. And after a while she spoke again,
-and this time as though her mouth were very dry and as though her
-breath came hot. “But you know there are many things I can do, mother,
-and there may be some very poor man, a widower, perhaps, or some such
-poor man who would be glad of the little I could do if he need pay
-nothing for me, and then would I be in my own house and there would be
-someone if you were gone whom I could care for. Mother, I do not think
-my sister wants me.”
-
-But the mother answered violently, “Child, I will not have you go to
-mend some man’s house like that! We are poor, I know, but you can be
-fed. Widowers are often the hardest and lustiest husbands, child. So go
-to sleep and think no more of this. Hearty I am yet and likely to live
-a long full time yet, and your brother was never cruel to you, even as
-a child.”
-
-“He was not wed then, mother,” said the girl, sighing. But she stayed
-silent then and seemed to sleep.
-
-But the mother could not sleep a while, although on usual nights she
-slept deep and sound. She lay there thinking hard, and taking up the
-days past, one by one, to see if what the girl had said was true, and
-though she could not think of any single thing, it seemed to her the
-son’s wife was not warm. No, she was not very warm to the younger lad
-either, and at least not warm to this blind sister in her husband’s
-house, and here was new bitterness for the mother to bear.
-
-
-
-
-XV
-
-
-Every day the mother watched to see if what the girl had said was true,
-and it was true. The young wife was not rude, and her words came from
-her smoothly and with seeming careful courtesy always. But she put upon
-the maid a hundred little pricks. She gave the blind maid less than her
-full bowl of food, or so it seemed in the mother’s eyes, and if there
-were some dainty on the table she did not give her any, and the blind
-maid, not seeing, did not know it was there. And indeed they would all
-have let it pass, not heeding in their own hunger, had not the mother’s
-eyes been sharpened, and she cried out, “Daughter, do you not like this
-dish of pig’s lungs we have cooked in soup today?”
-
-And when the maid answered gently in surprise, “I did not know we had
-it, mother, and I like it very well,” then the mother would reach over
-and with her own spoon dip the meat and soup into the maid’s bowl,
-and be sure the son’s wife saw the mother do it, and she answered
-smoothly and courteously, scarcely moving her pale lips that with all
-their paleness were too thick, too, and she said, “I beg your pardon,
-sister--I did not see you had none.” But the mother knew she lied.
-
-And sometimes when the son’s wife sewed shoes for the maid, and it was
-her duty to make shoes for them all, she put no time on the maid’s
-shoes beyond what she must, and she made the soles thin and spared
-herself the labor of a flower upon the front, and when the mother saw
-it she cried, “What--shall my maid not have a little flower such as you
-have on all your shoes?”
-
-Then the son’s wife opened her little, dark, unshining eyes and said,
-“I will make them if you say, mother, only I thought since she was
-blind and could not see a color anyhow--and I have so many to make
-shoes for, and the younger lad wearing out a pair each month or two
-with all his running into town to play--”
-
-As for the blind maid who sat there on the threshold in the sun, when
-she heard this and heard the complaint her sister made against the
-younger brother, she cried out in mild haste, “Mother, indeed I do not
-care for the flower, and my sister is right. What are flowers to the
-blind?”
-
-So it seemed no quarrel and all the many small things seemed no
-quarrel. Yet one day the eldest son came to his mother, when she went
-around the house alone to pour some waste into the pig’s hole, and he
-said, “Mother, I have a thing to say to you, and it is not that I would
-urge my sister out of the house or grudge her anything. But a man must
-think of his own, and she is young, mother, and all her life is ahead
-of her, and shall I feed her all her life? I have not heard it so in
-any other house, that a man must feed his sister, unless it were some
-rich house where food is never missed. A man’s duty it is to feed his
-parents, his wife and his children. But there she is, young and like to
-live as long as I do, and it will be an ill thing for her, too, if she
-is not wed. Better for all women to be wed.”
-
-Then the mother looked at her son, her face set in anger against him,
-and she said, accusing him, “That wife of yours has put this thought
-into you, my son. You lie there with her alone in that room and there
-you talk, the two of you, and she poisons you against your own blood
-with all she says to you in the night. And you--you are like all
-men--soft as mud in a ditch when you lie in bed with a woman.”
-
-She turned away most bitterly, and she poured the stuff out for the pig
-and stood and watched it put its snout in and gobble, but she did not
-really see it, although commonly it was a thing to give her pleasure to
-see a beast feed heartily. No, she said on in sadness, “And what sort
-of man will have your sister? Who can we hope will have her save some
-man too poor for kindness, or a man whose wife is gone and he left and
-too poor to wed a sound woman again?”
-
-Then the son said hastily, “I think of her, too. I do think of her and
-I think it is better for her to have a man of her own, even though she
-cannot have so good a one as though she were whole.”
-
-“This is your wife who speaks, my son,” the mother said more sadly
-still.
-
-But the man made answer in his stubborn way, “We are of one heart on
-this,” and when his mother said, “On everything, I fear,” he said no
-more but went to his fields, silent but unchanged.
-
-Nevertheless the mother wilfully would not for long do anything to wed
-the maid. She told herself and told the maid and told her younger son
-and her cousin’s wife and any who would listen to her that she was not
-so old yet she could not have her own way and not so old she had no
-place in the house and not so old she could be bid like any child to do
-this or that or what she did not wish to do. She set herself against
-her son and son’s wife in this and herself she guarded the maid well
-and saw that nothing was done amiss to her nor that she was deprived of
-anything the others had.
-
-But as the son’s wife grew more accustomed she grew more plain in
-speech and more complaining and courtesy dropped from her. She often
-said now where others heard her or when the women sat together about
-some door in the sun and sewed in company or had some gathering such
-as women love, then she said, “What I shall do when children come I do
-not know, seeing how I have to sew for all these in the house now. My
-mother grows old and I know it is my duty to do for her and be her eyes
-and hands and feet and all she needs. I have been taught so, and so I
-do and I hope I am always careful of my duty. But here this hungry
-second lad is and he does nothing, and here worse than he, for some day
-he must wed and his wife will work to feed and clothe him, here is this
-blind maid not wed and I do wonder if she is to be my care her whole
-life long, for her mother will not wed her.”
-
-Such words as these she said and others like them and those who heard
-stared at the blind maid if she were by so that she even felt their
-gaze and hung her head ashamed to live as such a burden. And sometimes
-this one spoke or that one and said, “Well and there are many blind and
-some families teach their blind to tell fortunes or some such thing and
-earn a penny now and then. Yes, the blind often have an inward seeing
-eye and they can see things we cannot and their blindness is even a
-power to them so that other people fear them for it. This maid might be
-taught to soothsay or some such thing.”
-
-And others said, “But there are poor houses, too, where they have a son
-and no money to wed him with and they will take a fool or a blind maid
-or one halt or dumb and count her better than none if they can get her
-for nothing for their son.”
-
-Then the son’s wife said discontentedly, “I wish I knew some such one,
-and if you hear of any, neighbors, I would take it for a kindness if
-you would tell me so.” And being kind they promised the young wife, and
-they agreed that truly it was hard when money was so scarce and times
-so poor that she must feed this extra mouth that properly belonged
-elsewhere.
-
-One day the gossip who was a widow came to the mother and she said,
-“Goodwife, if you would like to wed that blind maid of yours, I know
-a family in the hills to the north and they have a son seventeen or
-so now. They came in famine times from a northern province and they
-settled on some wild public land not in our village at the mountain’s
-foot, but up a little higher, and after a while a brother came, and
-there they live. The land is poor and they are poor, but so be you
-poor, too, goodwife, and your maid blind, and if you will only pay my
-going I will go and see to it for you. The truth is I have been minded
-for this long time to go home and see my own father’s house, but I am
-loath to ask my husband’s brother for the bit to do it with. A very
-hard thing is it to be widow in another’s house.”
-
-At first the mother would not listen and she said loudly, “I can tend
-my own blind maid, goodwife!”
-
-This afterwards she told her cousin’s wife and the cousin too, but the
-cousin looked grave a while and he said at last, “So could you tend her
-if you lived forever, sister, but when you are dead, and we dead too,
-perhaps, or very old and not masters any more before our children save
-in name, then who will tend her? And what if bad years come and parents
-must think first of their own children, and you gone?”
-
-Then the mother was silent.
-
-But soon she saw the truth that she could not live forever, at any time
-her life might end, the sooner, too, perhaps, because she had never had
-her own old vigor since that secret night.
-
-In the summer of that year a flux came out of the air and laid its hold
-upon her. Ever she had loved to eat and eat heartily and all she wanted
-of what there was. But that summer came more than usually hot and there
-was a mighty pest of flies, so many everywhere that the winds blew them
-in the food and flies were mingled whether one would have it so or not,
-and the mother cried out at last to let them be, for there was no use
-in killing them and it was but a waste of time so many more came after.
-It was a summer, too, of great watermelons that when they were split
-showed darkly red or clear and yellow as their sort was, and never had
-there been a better year for melons than was that.
-
-Now well the mother loved this fruit, and she ate heartily of all such
-as could not be sold or such as grew too ripe suddenly beneath the sun,
-and she ate on and on and when she was filled, she ate yet more to keep
-the things from being wasted. Whether it was the many melons or whether
-some wicked wind caught her or whether someone laid a curse upon her,
-although she did not know of one who really hated her unless it were
-that little goddess who had guessed her sin, or what it was she did not
-know. But the flux came on her and it dragged her very inwards out and
-she lay ill for days, purged and retching up so much as a mouthful of
-tea she swallowed to stay herself if she could.
-
-In these days when she was so racked and weak the son’s wife did all
-well and everything she knew to do for her husband’s mother’s sake, nor
-was she lacking in any small duty. The blind maid strove to do her poor
-best too for her mother, but she was slow and could not see a need in
-time, and often the son’s wife pushed the maid aside and said, “Do you
-sit down somewhere, good sister, and out of my way, for I swear you are
-the most help so!”
-
-Even against her will then did the mother come to lean, in all her
-weakness, on this quick and careful younger woman, and she was too
-weak to defend her blind maid, and the younger son these days came but
-sometimes to see how she did and went away again somewhere because his
-mother was too weak to say a word for him against his brother. In such
-weakness it was a strength to the mother to feel the young wife deft
-and careful about her bed. When at last the flux passed out of her and
-to some other person destined for it, and the mother rose at last, she
-leaned hard upon her son’s wife, though she did not love her either,
-but only needed her.
-
-It took the mother very long to come somewhat to herself again, and
-she was never wholly sound again. She could not eat the rough cabbages
-she loved, nor any sort of melon nor the peanuts she had liked to chew
-raw from the ground when they were dug, and ever after this she had to
-think what she ate, to see how it suited itself to her inwards, and if
-she grew impatient with such finicking and cried out that she would eat
-what she would and liked and her belly must bear it, why, then the flux
-came back again. Or even if she worked too hard or sat in any small
-cold wind that evil illness waited for her and made her helpless for a
-while again.
-
-Then in her helplessness she saw the blind maid must be wed into some
-house of her own, for it was true she was not welcome here. When the
-mother was too weak to cry against it, she saw the maid was ill at ease
-there and felt herself unwanted, and one day the maid came herself at a
-moment when her mother was alone and she said, “Mother, I cannot stay
-here in my brother’s house. Oh, mother, I think I would sooner be wed
-anywhere so that I could be somewhere I was wanted!”
-
-Then the mother said no more against it. She comforted her daughter
-with a word or two and one day in the winter of that year when she felt
-stronger than she had, forever after she was better in the cold than in
-the heat, she went and sought the gossip out. There the old gossip sat
-in her doorway, stitching flowers still upon a bit of cloth, although
-her thread was very coarse these days and the edge of the flowers
-she made a thing to laugh at for she could not see as once she had,
-although she would not say she could not, and when the mother found
-her she said wearily, “What you said was true. I see my maid would be
-better wed and let it be to that one you know, for I am too weary to
-look here and there, and always weary somehow nowadays since that flux
-took me a year or two agone.”
-
-Then the old gossip was glad to have something new to do that cost her
-nothing and she hired a barrow and on it rode the ten miles or so to
-the valley where her father’s house had been and to the village, and
-there she stayed a day or two and more. On the night when she returned
-she went to the mother’s house and called her out alone to the corner
-of the house and whispered, “The thing went very well, goodwife, and in
-a month it can be finished. Well, and I am very weary, too, but still I
-remember I did it all for you, goodwife, and we are old friends now.”
-
-Then the woman took from her bosom a piece of silver she had kept there
-for this hour and she pressed it on the gossip. But the gossip pushed
-her hand away and swore she would not have it and it was not needful
-between two friends and she said this and that but had it in the end.
-
-When all was done and the woman thought it well, or tried to, she told
-the son’s wife, and the son’s wife was pleased and showed it, although
-she took care to say, “You need not have hastened so, mother, for I
-bear the maid no ill will and she may stay here a year or two for all
-of me, and I would not mind if it were even all her life, if it were
-not we are so poor we must count the mouths we feed.”
-
-But she was more kindly for the while and she offered of her own will
-to sew new garments for the maid, three in all, a new coat and trousers
-of dark blue and some red trousers for her wedding day, as even the
-poorest maid must have, and besides these a pair of shoes or two, and
-on the shoes she made a little flower and leaf in red. But they made
-no great wedding day of it nor any great ado, since the maid was given
-free and there were no gifts given because she was not good bargain for
-the man she was to wed.
-
-As for the maid, she said nothing of the day. She listened when her
-mother told her what was done and she said nothing save once in the
-night she put out her hand to feel her mother’s face near her, and
-she whispered to her mother suddenly, “Mother, but is it too far for
-you to come and see me sometimes and how I do there? I am so blind I
-cannot come to you so far along a road I do not know and over hills and
-valleys.”
-
-Then the mother put out her hand too and she felt the maid trembling
-and she wept secretly and wiped her tears in the darkness on the quilt
-and she said over and over, “I will come, my maid, be sure and I will
-come, and when I come you shall tell me all and if they do not treat
-you well I will see to it heartily. You shall not be treated ill.”
-And then she said most gently, “But you have lain sleepless all this
-night.”
-
-And the maid answered, “Yes, and every night a while.”
-
-“But you need not be afraid, child,” the mother answered warmly. “You
-are the best and quickest blind maid I ever saw, and they know you
-blind and they cannot blame you for it nor say we hid it from them.”
-
-But long after the maid had fallen into light sleep at last the mother
-lay and blamed herself most heavily, for somehow she felt some wrong
-within herself that laid its punishment upon the maid, though how she
-did not know, only she wished she had been better. And she blamed
-herself lest if by any chance she should have found a nearer place to
-wed her maid, a village where she could go each month or so, or even
-found a poor man willing to move to the hamlet for a little price that
-she could promise. Yet even when she thought of this she groaned within
-her heart and doubted that her son and son’s wife would have spared
-even this small price, for they kept the money now. So she thought most
-heavily, “Yet I cannot hope she will never be beaten. Few houses be
-there like ours where neither man nor his mother will beat a maid new
-come. And it would tear my heart so, and so grieve me if I saw my blind
-maid beaten or even if it was done near enough so I could hear of it,
-or so the maid could run home and tell me, and I helpless once she is
-wed, that I think I could not bear it. Better far to have her where
-I cannot see her and where I cannot know and so be saved the pain
-because I cannot see and so can hope.”
-
-And after she had lain a while more and felt how heavy life lay on her
-she thought of one thing she could do, and it was that she could give
-the maid some silver coins for her own, as her own mother had done
-when she left home. So in the darkness before dawn she rose and moving
-carefully not to stir the beasts and fowls and frighten them she went
-to her hole and smoothed away the earth and took out the bit of rag she
-kept the little store in and opened it and chose out five pieces of
-silver and thrust them in her bosom and covered the hole again. Then
-with the silver in her bosom a little comfort came and she thought to
-herself, “At least it is not every maid who comes from a poor house
-with a little store of silver. At least my maid has this!”
-
-And holding fast on this small comfort she slept at last.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Thus the days passed and none joyfully. No, the woman took no joy even
-in her youngest son and cared little whether he came and went except
-she saw that he was well and smiling with some business of his own she
-did not know. So the day came at last when the maid must go and the
-woman waited with the heaviest heart to see what was the one who came
-to fetch her. Yes, she strained her heart to understand what sort of
-man it was who came and fetched her maid away.
-
-It was a day in early spring he came, before the year had opened fully
-so that spring was only seen in a few hardy weeds the children in the
-village digged to eat and in a greenish tinge along the willow twigs
-and the brown buds on the peach trees scarcely swollen yet. All the
-lands lay barren still with winter, the wheat not growing yet and but
-small spears among the clods, and the winds cold.
-
-On this day one came, an old man riding on a gray ass without a saddle
-and sitting on an old and filthy ragged coat folded under him upon the
-beast’s back. He came to the house where the mother was and gave his
-name. Her heart stopped then in her bosom, for she did not like the
-way this old man looked. He grinned at her and shaped his lips to be
-kind, but there was no kindness in the sharp old fox’s face, sharp eyes
-set in deep wrinkles, a few white hairs about a narrow lipless mouth
-curved down too long to smile with any truth this day. He wore garments
-well-nigh rags, too, not patched or clean, and when he came down from
-his ass there was no common courtesy in his manner, such as any man
-may have whether he be learned or not. He came limping across the
-threshing-floor, one leg too short to match the other, his old garments
-tied about him at the waist, and he said roughly, “I am come to fetch a
-blind maid. Where is she?”
-
-Then the mother said, for suddenly she hated this old man, “But what
-pledge have you that you are the one to have her?”
-
-The old man grinned again and said, “I know that fat goodwife who came
-to tell us we might have the maid for nothing for my brother’s son.”
-
-Then the woman said, “Wait until I call her.” And she sent her younger
-lad who lounged about the house that day, and the old gossip came as
-quickly as her old legs would bear her and she stared at the man and
-laughed and shouted, “Aye, it is the uncle of the lad she is to wed.
-How are you, goodman, and have you eaten yet this day?”
-
-“Aye,” said the old man grinning and showing all his toothless gums,
-“but not too well I swear.”
-
-All this time the mother looked at him most steadfastly and then she
-cried out bluntly to the gossip, “I do not like the looks of this! I
-thought better than this for my maid!”
-
-And the gossip answered loudly laughing, “Goodwife, he is not the
-bridegroom--his nephew is as soft and mild a lad as ever you did see.”
-
-By now the cousin’s wife was come too and the son and son’s wife and
-the cousin came and others from the hamlet and they all stood and
-stared at this old man and it was true that to all he was no good one
-for looks and ways of any kindness. Yet was the promise given, and
-there were those who said, “Well, goodwife, you must bear in mind the
-maid is blind.”
-
-And the son’s wife said, “The thing is set and promised now, mother,
-and it is hard now to refuse, for it will bring trouble on us all
-if you refuse.” And when he heard her say this her husband kept his
-silence.
-
-The woman looked piteously at her cousin then, and he caught her look
-and turned his eyes away and scratched his head a while, for he did not
-know what to say. He was a simple good man himself and he did not trust
-too much this old man’s looks either; still it is hard to say sometimes
-if poverty and evil are the same thing, and it might be his ragged
-garments made him look so ill, and it was hard to say nay when all the
-thing was set and done, and so not knowing what to say he said nothing
-and turned his head away and picked up a small straw and chewed on it.
-
-But the gossip saw her honor was in danger and she said again and
-again, “But this is not the bridegroom, goodwife,” and at last she
-called, for it would shame her much if the thing were not done now,
-“Old man, your brother’s son is soft as any babe, is he not?”
-
-And the old man grinned and nodded and laughed a meager laugh and said,
-wheezing as he spoke with laughter, “Aye, soft as any babe he is,
-goodwife!” And at last he said impatiently, “I must be gone if I am to
-fetch her home by night!”
-
-So not knowing what else to do, the mother set her maid upon the ass’s
-back at last, the maid garbed in her new garments, and the mother
-pressed into her hand the little packet of silver and whispered
-quickly, “This is for your own, my maid, and do not let them have it
-from you.” And as the old man kicked the ass’s legs to set it going the
-mother cried aloud in sudden agony, “I will come, my maid, before many
-months are past and see how they do treat you there, and keep all in
-your heart and tell me then. I shall not fear to bring you home again,
-my maid, if aught is wrong.”
-
-Then the blind maid answered through her dry and trembling lips, “Yes,
-mother, and that cheers me.”
-
-But the mother could not let her child go yet and she cast here and
-there desperately in her mind to think of some last thing to say
-and hold her yet a little longer, and she cried out to the old man,
-clinging to her maid, “My maid is not to feed the fire, old man,--she
-shall not feed the fire, for it hurts her eyes--the smoke--”
-
-The old man turned and stared and when he understood he grinned and
-said, “Oh, aye, well, let it be so--I’ll tell them--” and kicked the
-beast again and walked beside it as it went.
-
-So the maid went away, and she held her sign of blindness in her hand,
-and had her little roll of garments tied behind her on the ass’s back.
-The mother stood and watched her go, her heart aching past belief,
-tears welling from her eyes, and this although she did not know what
-else she could have done. So she stood still until the hill rose
-between and cut the child from her sight and she saw her no more.
-
-
-
-
-XVI
-
-
-Now must the mother somehow make her days full to ease the fears she
-had and to forget the emptiness where once the blind maid had sat.
-Silent the house seemed and silent the street where she could not
-hear the clear plaintive sound of the small bell her daughter struck
-whenever she went out. And the mother could not bear it. She went to
-the land again, against her elder son’s will, and when he saw her take
-her hoe he said, “Mother, you need not work, it shames me to have you
-work in the field and others see you there when you are aged.”
-
-But she said with her old anger, “I am not so aged--let me work to ease
-myself. Do you not see how I must ease myself?”
-
-Then the man answered in his stubborn way, “To me you seem to grieve
-for what is not so, my mother, and there is no need to let your heart
-run ahead into evils that may never come.”
-
-But the mother answered with a sort of heavy listlessness that did not
-leave her nowadays, “You do not understand. You who are young--you
-understand nothing at all.”
-
-The young man looked dazed at his mother then, not knowing what she
-meant, but she would say no more, but went and took a hoe and plodded
-out across the fields in silence.
-
-But it was true she could not work hard any more, for when she did her
-sweat poured out, and when the wind blew on her, even a warm wind, it
-sent a chill upon her and she was soon ill again with her flux. So must
-she bear her idleness and she worked no more when she was well again,
-but sat in the doorway idle. There was no need for her to lift her hand
-about the house, since the son’s wife did all and did all well and
-carefully.
-
-She did all well, the mother thought unwillingly, except she bore no
-child. The mother sitting empty there looked restlessly about that
-threshold where once she had been wont to see her little children
-tumbling in their play, and all day long she sat and remembered the
-days gone, and how once she had sat so young and filled with life and
-work, her man there, her babes, she the young wife and another the old
-mother. Then her man was gone and never heard from--and she winced and
-turned her mind from that, and then she thought how empty it seemed
-now, the elder son in the field all day or bickering at harvest with
-the landlord’s agent, some new fellow, a little weazened cousin of the
-landlord’s, people said--she never looked at him--and her blind maid
-gone, and her younger son gone always in the town and seldom home.
-
-Well, but there was her younger son, and as she sat she thought of him
-more often, for she loved him still the best of all her children. Into
-her emptiness he came now and then, and with his coming brought her
-only brightness. When he came she rose and came out of her bleakness
-and smiled to see his good looks. He was the fairest child she had, as
-like his father as a cockerel is like a cock who fathered him, and he
-came in at ease nowadays, and not fearing his elder brother as once he
-did, for he had some sort of work in town that brought him in a wage.
-
-Now what this work was he never clearly said, except that it brought
-him in so well that sometimes he had a heap of money, and sometimes he
-had none, although he never showed this money to his brother, except
-in the good clothes he wore. But there were times when he was free and
-filled with some excitement and then he pressed a bit of silver into
-his mother’s hand secretly and said, “Take it, mother, and use it for
-yourself.”
-
-Then the mother took the silver and praised the lad and loved him, for
-the elder son never thought to put a bit of money in her hand; since he
-had been master he kept all his silver for his own. Well fed she always
-was and she ate heartily as she was able for she loved her food, and
-better than she had ever been she was with this son’s wife to clothe
-her and make all she needed, and even her burial garments were made and
-ready for her, though she did not think to die yet for a long time.
-Anything she asked for they let her have, a pipe to comfort her, and
-good shredded tobacco and a sup of yellow wine made hot. But they did
-not think to put a bit of silver in her hand and say, “Use it for any
-little thing you wish,” and she knew, if she had asked for it the son
-and his wife would look at each other and say, one or the other of
-them, “But what would you buy--do we not give you everything?” So when
-the younger son brought her the bit of silver she loved him for it more
-than all else the other two did for her, and she kept it in her bosom
-and when the night came she rose and hid it in the hole.
-
-But still he was not often where she could see him and there upon the
-empty threshing-floor the two women sat, mother and son’s wife, and
-to the mother it seemed all the house was full of emptiness. She sat
-and sighed and smoked her pipe and all she had to do these days was
-to think of her life, or nearly all, for there was that one thing she
-would not think of willingly, and when she did it brought her blind
-maid to her mind and she never could be sure the two were not linked
-somehow in the hands of the gods. Sometimes she would have gone to
-some temple to seek a comfort of some sort, though what she did not
-know, but there was the old sin and it seemed late now to seek for
-forgiveness and she let it be and sighed and spoke of her blind maid
-sadly sometimes.
-
-But if she did the son’s wife answered always sharply, “She does well,
-doubtless--a very lucky thing for all that you found one who would have
-her for his son.”
-
-“Now she is a clever maid, too, daughter-in-law,” the mother said
-hotly. “You never would believe how much she could do, I know, but
-before you came she did much that when you came you would not let her
-do and so you never knew how well she did.”
-
-“Aye, it may be so,” said the son’s wife, holding nearer to her eyes
-the cloth she sewed on to see if it were right. “But I am used to
-working on and finishing with what I do and a blind maid potters so.”
-
-The mother sighed again and said, looking over the empty threshold,
-“I wish you would bear a babe, daughter. A house should have a child
-or two or three in it. I am not used to such an empty house as this.
-I wish my little son could wed if you are not to have a child, but he
-will not, somehow, for some reason.”
-
-Now here was the young wife’s grief, that though she had been wed near
-upon five years she had no child yet and not a sign of one, and she had
-gone secretly to a temple to pray and had done all she knew and still
-her body stayed as barren as it had been. But she was too proud to show
-how grieved she was and now she said, calmly, “I will have sons in
-time, doubtless.”
-
-“Aye, but it is time,” the mother said pettishly. “I never heard of
-any women in our hamlet who had not babes if they had husbands. Our
-men are fathers as soon as they mate themselves and the women always
-fertile--good seed, good soil. It must be you have some hidden illness
-in you somewhere to make you barren and unnatural. I made you those
-clothes full and big, and what use has it been!”
-
-And to the cousin’s wife the mother complained, and she said, leaning
-to put her mouth against the other’s ear, “I know very well what is
-wrong--there are no heats in that son’s wife of mine. She is a pale
-and yellow thing and one day is like the next and there is never any
-good flush in her from within, and all your luck in cutting her wedding
-garments cannot prevail against her coldness.”
-
-And the cousin’s wife nodded and laughed and said, “It is true enough
-that such pale and bloodless women are very slow to bear.” Then her
-little laughing eyes grew meaningful and she laughed again and said,
-“But not every woman can be so full of heats as you were in your time,
-good sister, and well you know it is not always a good thing in a
-woman!”
-
-Then the mother answered hastily, “Oh, aye, I know that--” and fell
-silent for a time and then after a while she said unwillingly, “It is
-true she is a careful woman, clean and almost too clean and scraping
-out the pot so often I swear she wastes the food with so much washing
-of the oil jar and the like. And she washes herself every little time
-or so, and it may be this is why she goes barren. Too much washing is
-not always well.”
-
-But she spoke no more of heats, for she feared to have the cousin’s
-wife bring up again that old ill done, although the cousin’s wife was
-the kindest soul and never all these years had made a difference of it,
-and if she had even told her man then the mother never knew she did. If
-it had not been for these two sorrows that she had, the blind maid and
-that her son had no sons, she might have forgotten it herself, so far
-away the days of her flesh seemed now. Yes, she might have forgotten
-it if she had not feared it had been sin and these two sorrows the
-punishment for it.
-
-But there her life was, and the maid was blind and gone now and there
-was no child, and only the beasts about and the dog and even these she
-dared not feed.
-
-There was only this good thing nowadays, she thought, and it was that
-her two sons did not quarrel so much. The elder was satisfied and
-master in the house, and the younger had his own place somewhere, and
-when he came home and went away again, the most the elder son did was
-to say with feeble scorn, “I wonder where my brother gets those good
-clothes he wears and what the work is that he does. I cannot wear
-clothes like his and I work bitterly. He seems to have money somehow. I
-hope he is not in some band of town thieves or something that will drag
-us into trouble if he is caught.”
-
-Then the mother flew up bravely as she always did for her little son
-and she said, “A very good younger brother, my son, and you should
-praise him and be glad he has gone and found a thing to do for himself
-and not stayed here to share the land with you!”
-
-And the elder son said sneeringly, “Oh, aye, he would do anything I
-swear to keep from labor on the land.”
-
-But the son’s wife said nothing. She was pleased these days because the
-house was all her own and it was naught to her what the young man did,
-and she did not complain because he bought his clothes elsewhere now
-and she needed not to make them for him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-So the time went on and spring came and passed and early summer came
-and still the mother never could forget her maid. One day she sat
-counting on her fingers the days since that one when she saw the hill
-cut the maid off from her sight, and it was more than twelve times
-all the fingers on her hands and then she lost the count, and so she
-thought sadly, “I must go to her. I have let this old heaviness weigh
-on me and I ought to have gone before. If she had been a sound maid
-she would have come by now to pay the visit that wives do to their old
-homes, and I could have asked her how she did and felt her hands and
-arms and cheeks and seen the color of her face.”
-
-And the mother sat and looked at those hills around and saw how the
-summer came on to its full height and every hillside was green and all
-the grain high in the fields, and she forced her body that was weary
-always now even though she was idle all the livelong day, and she
-thought, “I must go and see my maid and I will go at once, seeing I am
-not needed on the land and here I sit idle. I will go and before the
-great heat comes, lest my flux drop on me again unaware. Yes--I will
-go this very tomorrow since there is no sign of cloud in this fair
-sky--this blue sky--” she looked up at the sky and saw how blue it was
-and remembered suddenly as she did nowadays some bit of her life long
-gone, and she remembered the blue robe her man had bought once and that
-he wore away and she sighed and thought with some dim old pang, “On
-such a day as this he bought the robe and we quarreled--on just such a
-fair day, for I remember the robe was the color of the sky that day.”
-She sighed and rose to drive the thought away and when her elder son
-came she said restlessly, “I think to go and see your sister tomorrow,
-and how she does in the house where she was wed, seeing she cannot come
-to me.”
-
-Then the son said, anxiously, “Mother, I cannot go with you now, for
-there is work to do tomorrow. Wait until the harvest is over and the
-grain threshed and measured, and I have a little free time.”
-
-But suddenly the mother could not wait. There was strength in her a
-plenty yet when she had something she set her mind to do, and she
-was weary of her idleness and sitting and she said, “No, I will go
-tomorrow!”
-
-And the son said, worried still and he was always easily worried if
-aught came that was sudden and out of the common and he could not
-think what to do quickly, “But how will you go, mother?”
-
-She said, “Why, I will ride my cousin’s ass if he will lend it, and do
-you bid a lad of his to go and call your brother to walk beside and
-lead the ass, and we will go safe enough, the two of us, for there are
-no robbers near these days that I have heard tell of, except that new
-kind in the town they call the communists, who do not harm the poor,
-they say--”
-
-At last the son was willing, though not too easily and not until his
-wife said quietly, “It is true I cannot see any great danger if the
-younger one goes with her.”
-
-So they let the mother have her way at last, and the cousin’s lad was
-sent to town to search until he found the younger son and so he did
-and came back wide-eyed and said, “My cousin and your second son will
-come, aunt.” And then he thought a while and twisted the button on his
-coat and said again, “I swear it is a strange and secret place where he
-lives and a hard place to find. He lives in a long room full of beds,
-some twenty beds or so above a shop, and the room is filled with books
-and papers. But he does not work in the shop for I asked him. I did not
-know my cousin could read, aunt. If he reads those books he must be
-very learned.”
-
-“He cannot read,” the mother said astonished. “He never told me that he
-lived by books, a very strange odd thing, I swear! I must ask him of
-it.”
-
-The next day when she was on the ass and they went winding through the
-valleys she took the chance of being alone with him and she did ask her
-son, “What are those books and papers that my cousin’s son says you
-have in that room where you all live? You never told me you could read
-or that you live by books. I never saw you read a word, my son.”
-
-Then the young man stopped the little song he had been singing as they
-went for he had a good voice to sing and loved to sing, and he said,
-“Aye, I have learned a little.” And when she pressed him further he
-said, evading her, “Mother, do not ask me now, for some day you will
-know everything and when the hour comes. A great day, mother, and I was
-singing of it just now, a song we sing together where I work, and on
-that day we shall all be eased, and there shall be no more rich and no
-more poor and all of us shall have the same.”
-
-Now this was the wildest talk the mother had ever heard, for well she
-knew heaven wills who shall be rich and who shall be poor, and men have
-naught to say but take their destiny and bear it, and she cried out
-afraid, “I hope you are not in some wicked company, my son, not with
-thieves or some such company! It sounds the way robbers talk, my son!
-There is no other way for poor to be rich than that, and it is ill to
-be rich and lose your life if you be caught at it!”
-
-But the young man grew angry at this and said, “Mother, you do not
-understand at all! I am sworn to silence now, but some day you shall
-know. Yes, I shall not forget you on that day. But only you. I will
-not share with any who have not shared with me.” This last he said so
-loudly that she knew he felt against his brother and so she was silent
-for a while, fearing to rouse his wrath.
-
-But she could not let him be. She sat as bid upon the ass and clung
-to the beast’s hairy skin and thought about this son and looked at
-him secretly. There he walked ahead of her, the beast’s halter in his
-hand, and now he was singing again, some song she had never heard, some
-beating fiery song whose words she could not catch, and she thought to
-herself that she must know more of his life. Yes, and she must bind
-him somehow more closely to his home and to them all. She would wed
-him and have his wife there in the house. Then would he often come and
-even live there, perhaps, for the wife’s sake. She would seek and find
-a pretty, touching maid whom he could love, for the elder son’s wife
-could do the work, and she would find another sort for this son. And as
-she thought of this her heart was eased because it seemed a good way
-and she could not keep it back and so she said, “Son, you are more than
-twenty now, and near to twenty-one, and I think to wed you soon. How is
-that for a merry thing?”
-
-But who can tell what a young man’s heart will be? Instead of smiling
-silence, half pleased and half ashamed, he stopped and turned and
-said to her most wilfully, “I have been waiting for you to say
-some such thing--it is all that mothers’ heads run upon, I do
-believe! My comrades tell me it is the chiefest thing their parents
-say--wed--wed--wed! Well then, mother, I will not wed! And if you wed
-me against my will, then shall you never see my face again! I never
-will come home again!”
-
-He turned and went on more quickly and she dared not say a word, but
-only sat amazed and frightened at his anger and that he did not sing
-again.
-
-Yet she forgot all this now in what was to come. The path along which
-they had come since early dawn grew narrower and more narrow toward
-noon, and those hills which around their own valleys were so gently
-shaped, so mild in their round curves against the sky and so green
-with grass and bamboo, rose now as they went among them into sharper,
-bolder lines. At last when noon was full and the sun poured its heat
-down straight the gentle hills were gone, and in their place rose a
-range of mountains bare and rocky and cruelly pointed against the sky.
-They seemed the sharper too because the sky that day was so cloudless,
-bright and hard and blue, above the sand color of the bare mountains.
-
-Beneath great pale cliffs the path wound, the stones not black and
-dark, but pale as light in hue and very strange, and nothing grew
-there, for there was no water anywhere. So the path wound up and yet
-more up and when noon was passed an hour or two, they came suddenly
-into a round deep valley in the mountain tops, and there some water
-was, for there was a small square village enclosed about with a rocky
-wall, and about it the green of a few fields. But when the mother and
-her son stopped at the gate to that village and asked of the place
-they sought, one who stood there pointed yet higher to a ridge and
-said, “There where the green ends on that lower edge there are the two
-houses. It is the last edge of green, and above it there are only rocks
-and sky.”
-
-Now all this time the mother had stared astonished at these mountains
-and at their strange wild shapes and paleness, and at the scanty green.
-She had spent her life in the midst of valleys, and now as the path
-wound up from the enclosed village she stared about aghast to see how
-mortally poor the land was here and how shallow on the pale rocks the
-soil was and how scanty all the crops, even now when harvest drew on,
-and she cried out to the youth, “I do not like the looks of this place,
-son! I doubt it is too hard a place for your sister. Well, we will take
-her home, then. Yes, if it is too hard for her here I can walk and we
-will put her on the ass, and let them say what they will. They paid
-nothing for her, and I will ask nothing but her back again.”
-
-But the young man did not answer. He was weary and hungry, for they had
-eaten but a bit of cold food they had brought with them, and he longed
-to reach his sister’s house, for there they thought to spend the night.
-He pulled at the ass’s bridle until the mother could not bear it and
-was about to brave his anger and reprove him.
-
-Suddenly they came upon that house. Yes, there the two houses were,
-caught upon the side of the ridge and stuck there somehow to the
-rocks, and the mother knew this was where her maid was, for there the
-ill-looking old man stood at the door of one of the two houses, and
-when he saw her he stared as if he could not believe it was she, and
-then he ran in and out came more people, another man, dark and lean and
-wild in looks, and two women and a slack-hung youth, but not her blind
-maid.
-
-The mother came down from her ass then and went near, and all these
-stared at her in silence, and she looked back and was afraid. Never
-had she seen such looks as these, the women’s hair uncombed and full
-of burrs and their faces withered and blackened with the sun, their
-garments never washed, and so were they all. They gathered there and
-out of the other house came a sickly child or two, yellowed with some
-fever, their lips parched and broken, and their bodies foul with filth,
-and they all stared silently, and gave no greeting, their eyes as wild
-and reasonless as beasts’ eyes are.
-
-Then did the mother’s heart break suddenly with fear and she ran
-forward crying, “Where is my maid? Where have you hid my maid?” And she
-ran into their midst, but the young man stood doubting and holding to
-the ass.
-
-Then a woman spoke sullenly, and her speech was not easily understood,
-some rude northern speech it was, and the sounds caught between her
-broken teeth and nothing came out clear and she said, “You have come
-well, goodwife. She has just died today.”
-
-“Died!” the mother whispered and said no more. Her heart stopped, her
-breath was gone, she had no voice. But she pushed into the nearest hut
-and there upon a bed of reeds thrown on the ground her blind maid lay.
-Aye, there the maid was lying quietly and dead, dressed in the same
-clothes she had when she left her home, but not clean now nor mended.
-Of those new things there was no trace, for the room was empty save for
-the heap of rushes and a rude stool or two.
-
-Then the mother ran and knelt beside her maid and stared down at the
-still face and sunken eyes and at the patient little mouth and all the
-face she knew so well. And suddenly she burst out crying and she fell
-upon the maid and seized her hands and pushed the ragged sleeves back
-and looked at her little arms and drew the trousers up her legs and
-looked to see if they were bruised or beaten or harmed in any way.
-
-But there was nothing. No, the maid’s soft skin was all unbroken, the
-slender bones whole, and there was nothing to be seen. She was pale and
-piteously thin, but she was thin always and death is pale. Then did
-the mother stoop and smell at the child’s lips to see if there was any
-smell of poison, but there was no smell, nothing now except the faint
-sad scent of death.
-
-Yet somehow the mother could not believe that this was any good and
-usual death. She turned on those who stood about the door watching her
-in silence, and she looked at them and saw their wild rude faces, not
-one of which she knew, and she shouted at them through sudden great
-weeping, “You have killed her--well I know you have--if you did not,
-then tell me how did my maid die so soon, and she left me sound and
-well!”
-
-Then the evil old man whom she had hated from the first time she saw
-him grinned and said, “Be careful how you speak, goodwife! It is not a
-small thing to say we killed her and--”
-
-But the sullen, rough-haired woman broke in screaming, “How did she
-die? She died of a cold she caught, being so puny, and that is how
-she died!” And she spat upon the ground and said again, screeching as
-she said, “A useless maid she was, too, if there was one, and knowing
-nothing--no, she could not even learn to fetch the water from the
-spring and not stumble and fall or lose her way!”
-
-Then the mother looked and saw a narrow stony path leading down the
-mountain to a small pool and she groaned and cried, “Is that the way
-you mean?” But no one answered her and she cried out in further agony,
-“You beat her--doubtless every day my maid was beaten!”
-
-But the woman answered quickly, “Search and see if there be bruises on
-her! Once my son did beat her for she came to him too slowly, but that
-is all!”
-
-The mother looked up then and said faintly, “Where is your son?” And
-they pushed him forward, that son they had, and there he stood, a
-gangling, staring lad, and the mother saw he was nearly witless.
-
-Then did the mother lay her head down upon her dead maid and weep and
-weep most wildly, and more wildly still she wept when she thought of
-what the maid had suffered, must have suffered, at such hands as these.
-And while she wept the anger grew about her in those who watched her.
-At last she felt a touch upon her and looking up she saw it was her
-son, and he bent and whispered to her urgently, “Mother, we are in
-danger here--I am afraid--we must not stay. Mother, she is dead now and
-what more can you do? But they look so evil I do not know what they
-will do to us. Come and let us hasten to the village and buy a little
-food and then press on home tonight!”
-
-The mother rose then unwillingly, but as she looked she saw it was true
-those people stood together close, and there was that about them to
-make her fear, too, and she did not like their muttering nor the looks
-they cast at her and at the youth. Yes, she must think of him. Let them
-kill her if they would, but there was her son.
-
-She turned and looked down once more at her dead maid and put her
-garments neat and laid her hands to her side. She went out into the
-late afternoon. When they saw her calmer and that she made ready to
-mount the ass again, the man, who had not spoken yet, and who was
-father to the witless son, said, “Look you, goodwife, if you do not
-think us honest folk, look at the coffin we have bought your child. Ten
-pieces of silver did it cost us, and all we had, and do you think we
-would have bought a coffin if we had not valued her?”
-
-The mother looked then, and there beside the door a coffin truly was,
-but well she knew there were not ten pieces of silver in it, for it was
-but the rudest box of unpainted board, and thin well-nigh as paper and
-such a box as any pauper has. She opened her lips to make angry answer
-and to say, “That box? But my maid’s own silver that I gave her would
-have paid for that!”
-
-But she did not say the words. It came upon her like a chill cloud
-across the day that she had need to fear these people. Yes, these two
-evil men, these wild women--but there her son was tugging at her sleeve
-to hasten her and so she answered steadily, “I will say nothing now.
-The maid is dead and not all the angers in the world nor any words can
-bring her back again.” She paused and looked at this one and at that
-and then she said again, “Before heaven do you stand and all the gods,
-and let them judge you, whatever you have done!”
-
-She looked at this one and that, but no one answered, and she turned
-then and climbed upon the ass and the son made haste and led the ass
-down the rocky path and turned shivering to see if they were followed
-and he said, “I shall not rest until we are near that village once
-again and where many people are, I am so fearful.”
-
-But the mother answered nothing. What need to answer anything? Her maid
-was dead.
-
-
-
-
-XVII
-
-
-Crazed with her weariness was the mother when she came down from the
-halting gray ass that night before her own door. She had wept all the
-way home, now aloud and now softly, and the young man had been beside
-himself again and again with his mother’s weeping. He cried out in an
-agony at last, “Cease your wailing, mother, or I shall not be able to
-bear it!”
-
-But when she calmed herself a little for his sake she broke forth again
-and at last the young man ground his teeth together and he muttered
-wildly, “If the day were come, if we were not so miserably poor, if the
-poor were given their share and could defend themselves, then might we
-sue for my sister’s life! But what use when we are so poor and there is
-no justice in the land?”
-
-And the mother sobbed out, “It is true there is no use in going to law
-since we have no money to pay our way in to justice,” and then she wept
-afresh and cried, “But all the money and the justice under heaven would
-not bring my blind maid back again.”
-
-At last the young man wept too, not so much for his sister nor even
-for his mother, but because he was so footsore and so worn and his
-world awry.
-
-Thus they came at last to their own door and when she was down from the
-ass the mother called her elder son piercingly and so sharply that he
-came running out and she cried, “Son, your sister is dead!” And while
-he stared at her scarcely comprehending, she poured out the tale, and
-at the sound of her voice others came quickly to hear the tale until
-there in the dusk of night nearly all the hamlet stood to hear it. The
-younger son stood there half fainting, leaning on the ass, and when
-his mother talked on he went and threw himself upon the ground and lay
-there dazed with what had come about this day, and he lay silent while
-his mother wept and cried aloud and in her weeping said, looking with
-her streaming eyes to this face and to that, “There my little maid was,
-dead and gone, and I hate myself I ever let her go, and I would not
-have let her go if it had not been for this cold-hearted son’s wife of
-mine who begrudged the little maid a bit of meat and a little flower on
-her shoe and so I was fearful if I died and the maid was afraid, too--a
-little tender child who never would have left me of her own will!
-What cared she for man or marriage and a child’s heart in her always,
-clinging to her home and me? Oh, son, it is your wife who has brought
-this on me--I curse the day she came and no wonder she is childless
-with so hard a heart!”
-
-So on and on the mother cried and at first they all listened in
-silence or exclaiming something when they had pieced the tale from what
-she said between her weeping, and then they tried to comfort her, but
-she would not let herself be comforted. The eldest son said nothing but
-stood with downcast head until she cursed his wife and spoke against
-her child-bearing, and then he said in a reasonable and quiet voice,
-“No, mother, she did not bid you send my sister to that place. You
-sent her so quickly and did not say a word to anyone but fixed it so
-and we wondered even that you did not go and see how it was there for
-yourself,” and he turned to his father’s cousin and he said, “Did you
-not think so, cousin? Do you remember how I said we were surprised my
-mother was so quick in the matter?”
-
-And the cousin turned his eyes away and muttered unwillingly, chewing a
-bit of straw, “Oh, aye, a little quick,” and his wife who stood holding
-a grandchild in her arms said mournfully to the mother, “Yes, it is
-true, sister, you be a very quick woman always, and never asking anyone
-if this or that is well to be done. No, before any of us know it or
-guess what it is you are about you have done all and it is finished,
-and you only want us to say you have done well. It is your nature all
-your life to be like this.”
-
-But the mother could not bear blame this night and she cried out in
-anger, and so turned her working angry face upon her cousin’s wife,
-“You--you are used to that slow man of yours, and if we must be all
-judged too quick by such as he--”
-
-And it looked for a time as though these two women who had been friends
-all their lives would fall to bitter words now, except that the cousin
-was so good and peaceable a man that when he saw his wife’s great
-face grow red and that she was gathering up her wits to make a very
-biting answer he called out, “Let be, mother of my sons! She is sore
-with sorrow tonight and well beside herself.” And after he had chewed
-a while upon his straw, he added mildly, “It is true that I am a very
-slow man and I have heard it many times since I was born, and you have
-told me so, too, mother of my sons.... Aye, I be slow.” And he looked
-around upon his neighbors and one called out earnestly, “Aye, goodman,
-you are a very slow-moving man for sure, and slow in wits and slow to
-speak!”
-
-“Aye,” said the cousin sighing a little and spitting out the shattered
-straw he chewed and plucking out a fresh one from the stack of rice
-straw near which he stood.
-
-So was the quarrel averted. But the mother was not eased and suddenly
-her eye fell on the old gossip standing in the crowd, her mouth ajar
-and eyes staring and all her old hanging face listening to what went
-on. Seeing her the mother’s anger and pain broke out afresh and it all
-came out mingled with her agony and she rushed at the gossip and fell
-on her and tore at her large fat face and snatched at her hair and
-screamed at her and said, “Yes, and you knew what those folk were and
-you knew the son was witless, and you never said a word of it but told
-a tale of how they were plain country folk like us, and you never said
-my maid must go up and down that rocky path to fetch water for them
-all--it is all on you and I swear I shall not rest myself until I have
-made you pay for it somehow--”
-
-And she belabored the gossip who was no match for the distraught mother
-even at the best of times and there is no knowing how it might have
-come about at the end if the son had not flown to part them and if the
-younger son had not risen too and with his elder brother held their
-mother so that the old gossip could make haste away, although she must
-needs stand, too, for honor’s sake when she had gone a distance and far
-enough so there were those who stood between them, and then she stopped
-and cried, “Yes, but your maid was blind and what proper man would have
-her? I did you a very good turn, goodwife, and here be all the thanks I
-get for it.” And she beat her own breast and pointed to the scratches
-on her face and fell to weeping and working herself up for a better
-quarrel.
-
-But the crowd hastened her away, and the sons urged the mother into
-the house and they forced her gently in and led her there, she weeping
-still. But she was spent at last and let them lead her to her room, and
-when she was come and they had sat her down, the son’s wife fetched
-her a bowl of water very hot and soothing and she had been heating it
-while the quarrel went on. Now she dipped a towel in it and wiped the
-mother’s face and hands and poured hot tea out and set food ready.
-
-Then little by little the mother let herself be calmed and she wept
-more silently and sighed a while and drank a little tea and supped her
-food and at last she looked about and said, “Where is my little son?”
-
-The young man came forward then and she saw how deathly pale he was and
-weary and all his merry looks gone for the time, and she pressed him
-down beside her on the bench and held his hand and urged him to eat and
-rest himself and she said, “Sleep here beside me tonight, my little
-son, and on the pallet where your sister used to lie. I cannot have it
-empty this night, my son.” And so the lad did and he slept heavily the
-moment that he laid himself down.
-
-But even when the house was quiet the mother could not sleep for long.
-She was spent to her core, her body spent with the long ride and all
-her heart’s weariness, and the only thing that comforted her was to
-hear the lad’s deep breathing as he lay there. And she thought of him
-then with new love and thought, “I must do more for him. He is the last
-I have. I must wed him and we will build a new room on the house. He
-shall have a room for himself and his woman, and then when children
-come--yes, I must find a good, lusty wife for him so that somehow we
-shall have children in the house.”
-
-And this thought of little children yet to come was the only comfort
-she could see in her whole life ahead of her.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But doubtless even this comfort might not have lasted except that her
-old flux laid hold on her again and made her weak as death, too weak to
-mourn. She lay there on her bed for many days, purged body and heart,
-and all her sorrow and her comfort too in abeyance because she was not
-strong enough to mourn or hope. Many there were who came to exhort her,
-her neighbors and her cousin’s wife and they said, “Goodwife, after all
-the child was blind,” and they said, “Goodwife, what heaven has made
-for us we cannot change and it is useless to mourn for anything in this
-life.” And they said, “Remember your good sons,” and one day when the
-cousin’s wife said this the mother answered faintly, “Yes, but my elder
-son’s wife she does not bear, and my younger son he will not wed.” And
-the cousin’s wife answered heartily, “Give the elder son’s wife a year
-or two, cousin, for sometimes when seven years are passed barren, a
-woman will come to her true nature and bear a harvest of good children,
-for I have seen it so, and as for the lad’s saying he will not wed,
-why then he has a love somewhere, and we must find out who she is, and
-if she is fit for him to wed or not. Yes, truly has he found a love,
-as young folks will these days, for never was there a man in all the
-world, I swear, who would not wed!”
-
-But the mother whispered, “Bend down your ear, sister, and put it
-against my lips,” and when the cousin’s wife had done this the mother
-whispered, “Since sorrow follows me and everything goes wrong with
-me, I fear sometimes it is that old sin of mine that the gods know
-about--perhaps heaven will not give me grandsons!” And when she thought
-of this she closed her eyes and two great tears came out from under her
-closed lids. She thought of all her sins, not only the one the cousin’s
-wife knew of, but all the many times she had said she was widow and the
-letters that she wrote and all the lies. Not that she held the lies
-pure sin, since all must lie a little now and then for honor’s sake,
-but here the sin was, that she had lied and said her man was dead.
-Almost was it now when she thought of it as if she had put her hand
-forth and brought his death on him, and she had used this lie of death
-to hope another man would have her. So all these sins of hers, so old
-she could forget them many days together when she was well, came back
-fresh and now when she was weak and sorrowful, the heavier because she
-could not tell them all but must carry them in herself, and heaviest
-because she was a woman held in good repute among her fellows.
-
-She grew so low in mind that nothing cheered her much except to have
-her younger son about her. Yes, although the elder son’s wife tended
-her most carefully and brought her food ready and hot when she would
-have it and even walked a mile or two to another village to fetch a
-certain sort of dried curd they made there from beans, and although
-the mother leaned on her in every sort of way and called to her if she
-would so much as turn herself in her bed, yet the son’s wife was no
-comfort to her, and often when she did her most careful best the mother
-would scold her that her hands were cold or her face so yellow and
-stare at her in some half hostile, childish way. But still the older
-woman never blamed the son’s wife any more that she was childless. No,
-she said no more of that, believing somehow dimly that her own sins
-might be the cause.
-
-But she rose from her bed at last, and when the autumn was well gone
-the sharpness of her pain had ebbed with it and she was dreary all day
-long but not frantic, and she could think of her maid, but the edge of
-pain was gone. At last she even said to her own heart, “Aye, perhaps
-even what they say is true, perhaps it is better that my maid is dead.
-There are so many things worse than death.”
-
-And she held fast to this one thought.
-
-And all the hamlet helped her. No one ever spoke of the maid again
-before her, nor doubtless anywhere, since there is nothing to be
-remembered in a blind maid and there are many like her everywhere.
-First they did not speak of her where the mother was, to spare the
-mother pain, and then they did not speak because there was naught new
-to tell of it, and because other news came of other things and people,
-and the maid’s little life was ended.
-
-For a while the gossip went carefully where the mother was and took
-thought not to be alone with her, but when she saw how feeble the
-mother was when she rose up from her bed, she grew cheerful then and
-called out greeting as she ever had.
-
-And the mother let the past be silent, except sometimes in her own
-heart.
-
-
-
-
-XVIII
-
-
-Then did it seem as though the mother’s heart might have some comfort,
-for in the springtime of that year the younger son came home and he
-said, “I am come home to stay a while, mother, how long I do not know,
-but at least until I am bid to go again.”
-
-But when she rejoiced he made little answer and scarcely seemed
-himself. He was so quiet, never singing or playing his capers or
-talking in any reckless way as he was used to do, that the mother’s
-heart wondered if he might be ill or troubled with some secret thing.
-But when she spoke this fear to the cousin’s wife that one said,
-mildly, “Well, it may be he is passing out of his childhood. How many
-are his years, now? The same I think as my fifth child, and she is
-twenty now and nearly twenty-one and wed four years. Yes, twenty-one
-is out of childhood, and men should not caper then as once they did,
-although I remember that man of yours could caper even to that last day
-I saw him.”
-
-“Aye,” said the mother, sighing. Very dim in her now was the memory
-of the man, and mingled somehow with this younger son of hers, and
-sometimes when she remembered she could not think how her man had
-looked alone, because the son’s face rose there in his stead.
-
-But at the end of nine days the younger son went as quickly as he came
-and almost secretly, though how he had his message he must go none
-knew. But go he did, putting his few garments in a little leathern box
-he had. His mother grieved to see him go and cried, “I thought you were
-come to stay, my son,” but the son replied, “Oh, I shall be back again,
-my mother,” and he seemed secretly gay again somehow, and eager to be
-gone.
-
-Thereafter was he always gay. He came and went without warning. He
-would come in perhaps one day, his roll of clothing under his arm and
-there he was. And for a day or two he would idle about the little
-hamlet and sit in the teashop and make great talk of how ill the times
-were and how uneven justice was and how some great day all this would
-be made better, and men listened staring at each other, not knowing
-what to make of it, and the innkeeper scratched his greasy head and
-cried, “I do swear it sounds like robbers’ talk to me, neighbors!” But
-for the mother’s sake and for the good elder son’s sake they let him
-be, thinking him but childish still and to be wiser when he was wed and
-had a man’s life.
-
-Yet when he came home this younger son still sat idle, or else he made
-as if to help his brother at some light task, although when he did this
-the brother said scornfully always, “I thank you, brother, but I am
-used to doing work without you.”
-
-Then the youth looked at him in his impudent way, for he grew a very
-impudent eye these last days, and he would not quarrel but he laughed
-coolly and he said, and spat in the dust while he said it, “As you
-will, my elder brother,” and he was so cool his elder brother well-nigh
-burst with hatred of him and gladly would have told him to stay away
-forever except that a man may not tell his brother this and still be
-righteous in his neighbors’ eyes.
-
-But the mother saw no fault in him at all. Even when he talked his big
-talk with her and said against his elder brother, “I swear these little
-landowners that must even rent before they can live, these little men,
-they are so small and proud that they deserve what shall befall them
-one day when all the land is made common and no one may have it for his
-own.”
-
-The mother understood no word of this except the first and she said
-plaintively, “Aye, I do think, too, your brother is over proud
-sometimes, and his wife barren, too.”
-
-For everything this younger son said seemed wise to the mother, now she
-clung to him so fast. To her when he came home it made a festival, and
-she would have made each day that he was there a holiday if she could
-have done it and would have killed a fowl for him and made better food
-than usual. But this she could not do. The fowls were her elder son’s
-now, and she could not do better than to steal an egg or two from some
-nest she found and keep them for her younger son, and when he came pour
-them into boiling water secretly for him to sup and add to the dish a
-little sugar that she had saved somehow.
-
-It came to be that whenever any little dainty fell to her or if she
-went into a house in the hamlet for a visit with a neighbor, since she
-was so idle now in her age and nothing she must do, and if someone gave
-her a peach or a dried persimmon or a little cake or some such thing
-for kindness, she saved it for her younger son. Much time she spent
-in watching these small bits to see they did not mold, and she kept
-them as long as she could, and when he put off coming home and she was
-forced to eat them lest they spoil she felt it no pleasure and scarcely
-could she enjoy the dainty, although she loved food, too. Often would
-she open the drawer she kept them in and turn the little store over
-with her fingers and think to herself, “He does not come. He is not
-here. If I had a little grandson I could give them to him when my son
-does not come. I have no one, if my son does not come.”
-
-And many hours of each day she sat and looked down the road to catch a
-glimpse of him as he came and when she saw the glint of a man’s robe
-she would run forward as best she could and when she saw it was her
-son come home she took his warm smooth hand in her old dry one and
-she pulled him into her own room and poured out for him the tea the
-careful son’s wife kept there for her and then with pleasure would
-she bring out the little store she had for him. And she sat down and
-watched him lovingly while he picked about among the bits and chose the
-best. Sometimes he turned his dainty nose aside and said, “That cake is
-mildewed, mother,” or he said, “I never liked a rice flour cake so dry.”
-
-Then she would answer sorrowfully, “Is it too dry, my son? Well, and I
-thought you would still like it maybe,” and when he would not have it
-she ate it up herself to keep from wasting it, grieving that it was not
-good enough for him.
-
-Then when he had eaten what he wished she sat to hear what he would
-say. Never would he answer all her questions freely as she wished he
-would and when she pressed him closely he seemed to be in haste to go
-away, and when she saw this was so, she learned to ask him nothing and
-he learned, too, to put her off. For as she grew older she forgot more
-easily and was put off more easily too, and to put her off he would
-tell her of some wonder he had seen, a juggler who would let a snake
-crawl down his throat and pull it up again by the tail, or a woman who
-had borne a two-headed child that she showed for a penny to those who
-wished to see it, or some such strange sight as may be seen in any town.
-
-And the old mother was diverted by his talk and cried when he was gone,
-and she could not keep from telling of these wonders to the son and
-his wife. Once when she did so the elder son was bent over an earthen
-bowl of water, washing off his face after labor in the fields, and he
-looked up, his face wet, and said most bitterly, “Aye, he does not feed
-you nor do aught else for you but throw a bit of a coin to you as to a
-beggar. He comes here and eats and never puts his hand to hoe or plough
-and tells these tales and he is more to you than--” and he bent his
-face again and made a noise about his washing and would not listen to
-what his mother had to say in answer.
-
-But this was all she knew of her younger son. She knew his lithe and
-pretty body, and she knew the pale gold of his skin, the hue a city man
-is and different from the dark and ruddy brown of country folk, and she
-knew how the nails grew long upon his two little fingers, and she knew
-his teeth were white and his black hair oiled and shining, and she knew
-how he let his hair grow long about his ears and how he tossed his head
-to keep his eyes clear of the glossy hair.
-
-Yes, and she knew and loved his ready smile and his bold eyes and she
-loved his carelessness with silver and how he would reach into his
-girdle and give her what he had or if he had none ask of her what she
-had, and more than to have him give to her she loved to take what she
-had and press it on him. All he gave her she saved to give it back
-again when he might want it. It was the best use she knew for her small
-store.
-
-
-
-
-XIX
-
-
-But one day he did not come when he said he would. And how did she
-know he would surely come? Because but three days before he had come
-secretly and by night, walking across the field paths and not through
-the village, and he scratched lightly on her door, so she was half
-afraid to open it, thinking it might be robbers. Even as she was about
-to call out she heard his voice low and quick and luckily the fowls
-stirred by her bed where they roosted and hid it from the hearing of
-the elder son and his wife.
-
-She rose then as fast as she could, fumbling her clothes and feeling
-for the candle, and when she opened the door softly, for she knew
-it must be for a secret thing he came at such an hour and in such a
-way, there he was with two other young men, all dressed in the same
-way he went dressed these days, in black. They had a great bundle of
-something tied up in paper and rope and when she opened the door with
-the light in her hand, her son blew the light out for there was a faint
-moon, enough to see by, and when she cried out but still softly in her
-pleasure to see him, he said in a whisper, “Mother, there is something
-of my own I must put under your bed among the winter garments there.
-Say nothing of it, for I do not want anyone to know it is there. I will
-come and fetch it again.”
-
-Her heart misgave her somehow when she heard this and she opened her
-eyes and said soberly, holding her voice low as his, “Son, it is not
-an ill thing, I hope--I hope you have not taken something that is not
-yours.”
-
-But he answered hastily, “No, no, mother, nothing robbed, I swear. It
-is some sheepskins I had the chance to buy cheap, but my brother will
-blame me for them for he blames me for everything, and I have nowhere
-to put them. I bought them very cheap and you shall have one next
-winter, mother, for a coat--we will all wear good clothes next winter!”
-
-She was mightily pleased then and trusted him when he said they were
-not robbed and it was a joy to her to share a little secret with this
-son of hers and she said hastily, “Oh, aye, trust me, son! There be
-many things in this room that my son and son’s wife do not know.”
-
-Then the two men brought the bundle in and they pushed it silently
-under the bed, and the fowls cackled and stared and the buffalo woke
-and began to chew its cud.
-
-But the son would not stay at all, and when the mother saw his haste
-she wondered but she said, “Be sure I will keep them safe, my son, but
-ought they not to be aired and sunned against the moth?”
-
-To this he answered carelessly, “It is but for a day or two, for we
-are moving to a larger place and then I shall have a room of my own and
-plenty.”
-
-When she heard this talk of much room, there was that thought in her
-mind she had always of his marriage, and she drew him aside somewhat
-from the other two and looked at him beseechingly. It was the one thing
-about him that did not please her, that he was not willing for her to
-wed him, because she well knew what hot blood was and there was sign in
-this son of her own heat when she was young, and she knew he must sate
-it somehow and she grudged the waste. Better if he were wed to some
-clean maid and she could have her grandsons. Now even in the haste of
-the moment when he was eager to be gone, and the other two waiting in
-the shadows by the door, even now she laid her hand on his hand and she
-said coaxingly, her voice still whispering, “But, son, if you have so
-much room, then why not let me find a maid? I will find the best pretty
-maid I can--or if you know one, then tell me and let me ask my cousin’s
-wife to be the one to make the match. I would not force you, son, if it
-be the one you like is one that I would like too.”
-
-But the young man shook his long locks from his eyes and looked toward
-the door, and tried to shift her hand away. But she held him fast and
-coaxed again, “Why should your good heats be spent on wild weeds here
-and there, my son, and give me no good grandsons? Your brother’s wife
-is so cold I think there will never be children on my knees unless
-you put them there. Aye, you are like your own father, and well I know
-what he was. Plant your seeds in your own land, my son, and reap the
-harvests for your own house!”
-
-But the young man laughed silently and tossed his hair back again from
-those glittering eyes of his and said half wondering, “Old women like
-you, mother, think of nothing but weddings and births of children, and
-we--we young ones nowadays have cast away all that.... In three days,
-mother!”
-
-He pulled himself away then and was gone, walking with the other two
-across the dimly lighted fields.
-
-But three days passed and he did not come. And three more came and went
-and yet three more, and the mother grew afraid and wondered if some
-ill had come upon her son. But now in this last year she had not gone
-easily to the town and so she waited, peevish with all who came near
-her, not daring to tell what her fears were, and not daring either
-to leave her room far lest her son’s careful wife chance to draw the
-curtains aside and see the bundle under her bed.
-
-One night as she lay sleepless with her wondering she rose and lit
-the candle and stooped and peered under the bed, holding the parted
-curtains with one hand. There the thing was, wrapped in thick paper,
-shaped large and square and tied fast with hempen rope. She pressed
-it and felt of it and there was something hard within, not sheepskin
-surely.
-
-“It should be taken out to sun, if it is sheepskin,” she muttered,
-sore at the thought of waste if the moth should creep in and gnaw good
-skins. But she did not dare to open it and so she let it be. And still
-her son did not come.
-
-So passed the days until a month was gone and she was near beside
-herself and would have been completely so, except that something came
-to wean her mind somewhat from her fears. It was the last thing she
-dreamed of nowadays and it was that her son’s wife conceived.
-
-Yes, after all these cool years the woman came to herself and did her
-duty. The elder son went to his mother importantly one day as she sat
-in the doorway and said, his lean face all wrinkled with his smiles,
-“Mother, you shall have a grandson.”
-
-She came out of the heavy muse in which she spent her days now and
-stared at him out of eyes grown a little filmy and said peevishly,
-“You speak like a fool. Your wife is cold as any stone and as barren
-and where my little son is I do not know and he scatters his good seed
-anywhere and will not wed and save it.”
-
-Then the elder son coughed and said plainly, “Your son’s wife has
-conceived.”
-
-At first the mother would not believe it. She looked at this elder son
-of hers and then she shouted, pulling at her staff to raise herself
-upon her feet, “She has not--I never will believe it!”
-
-But she saw by his face that it was true and she rose and went as
-fast as she could and found her son’s wife who was chopping leeks in
-the kitchen and she peered at the young woman and she cried, “Have you
-something in you then at last?”
-
-The wife nodded and went on with her work, her pale face spotted with
-dull red, and then the mother knew it to be true. She said, “How long
-have you known?”
-
-“Two moons and more,” the young wife answered.
-
-Then the old mother fell into a rage to think she was not told and she
-cried, striking her staff against the earthen floor, “Why have you said
-no word to me, who have sat all these years panting and pining and
-thirsting for such news? Two moons--was ever so cold a soul as you and
-would not any other woman have told the thing the first day that she
-knew it!”
-
-Then the young woman stayed her knife and she said in her careful way,
-“I did not lest I might be wrong and grieve you worse than if I never
-gave you hope.”
-
-But this the mother would not grant and she spat and said, “Well and
-with all the children I have had could not I have told you whether you
-were right or wrong? No, you think I am a child and foolish with my
-age. I know what you think--yes, you show it with every step you make.”
-
-But the young woman answered nothing. She pressed her lips together,
-those full pale lips, and poured a bowl of tea from an earthen pot that
-stood there on the table and she led the mother to her usual place
-against the wall.
-
-But the mother could not sit and hold such news as this. No, she must
-go and tell her cousin and her cousin’s wife and there they sat at
-home, for nowadays the sons did the work, the three who stayed upon
-the land, the others having gone elsewhere to earn their food, and the
-cousin still did what he could and he was always busy at some small
-task or other. But even he could not work as he once had, and as for
-his wife, she slept peacefully all day long except when she woke to
-heed some grandchild’s cry.
-
-And now the mother went across the way and woke her ruthlessly and
-shouted at her as she slept, “You shall not be the only grandmother, I
-swear! A few months and I am to have a grandson too!”
-
-The cousin’s wife came to herself then slowly, smiling and licking
-her lips that were grown dry with sleeping, and she opened her little
-placid eyes and said, “Is it so, cousin, and is your little son to be
-wed?”
-
-The mother’s heart sank a little, and she said, “No, not that,” and
-then the cousin looked up from where he sat, a little weazened man
-upon a low bamboo stool, and he sat there twisting ropes of straw for
-silkworms to spin cocoons upon, since it was the season when they spin,
-and he said in his spare dry way, “Your son’s wife, then, cousin?”
-
-“Aye,” the mother said heartily, her pleasure back again, and she sat
-down to pour it out, but she would not seem too pleased either, and
-she hid her pleasure with complaints and said, “Time, too, and I have
-waited these eight years and if I had been rich I would have fetched
-another woman for him, but I thought my younger son should have his
-chance before I gave his brother two, and marriage costs so much these
-days even for a second woman, if she be decent and not from some evil
-place. A very slow woman always that son’s wife of mine, and full of
-some temper not like mine--cold as any serpent’s temper it is.”
-
-“But not evil, goodwife,” said the cousin justly. “She has done well
-and carefully always. You have the ducks and drakes now that you did
-not used to have upon the pond, and she mated that old buffalo you had
-and got this young one, and your fowls are twice as many as you had
-and you must have ten or twelve by now, besides all the many ones sold
-every year.”
-
-“No, not evil,” said the mother grudgingly, “but I wish she could have
-used heats other than the heats of beasts and fowls.”
-
-Then the cousin’s wife spoke kindly but always full of sleep these
-days, and she said, yawning as she spoke, “Aye, she is different from
-you, cousin, to be sure--a full hot woman have you always been and one
-to do so much, and still hearty. Why, when you walk about, if you have
-not your flux, I do wonder how you walk so quick. I do marvel, for if
-I must walk from bench to table and from table to bed, it is as much as
-I can do these days.”
-
-And the cousin said admiringly, “Aye, and I cannot eat half what I used
-to do, but I see you sitting there and shouting for your bowl to be
-filled again and then again.”
-
-And the mother said modestly but pleased at all this praise, “Oh, aye,
-I eat as well as ever. Three bowls and often four I eat, and I can eat
-anything not too hard since my front teeth fell away, and I am very
-sound at such times as I have not got my flux.”
-
-“A very sound old soul,” murmured the cousin’s wife, and then she slept
-a little and woke again and saw the mother there and smiled her wide
-sleepy smile and said, “A grandson, did you say? Aye, we have seven now
-of grandsons alone--and none too many--” and slept again peacefully.
-
- * * * * *
-
-So did the great news fill the days that had been empty because the
-younger son did not come, and this new joy took the edge from the
-mother’s waiting and she thought he must come some time or other and
-let it rest at that.
-
-But it was not all joy either, and like every joy she ever had, the
-mother thought, there was always something wrong in it to make it go
-amiss if so it could. Here the thing was. She feared lest the child be
-born a girl and when she thought of this she muttered, “Yes, and it
-would be like my ever evil destiny if it were born a girl.”
-
-And in her anxiety she would have liked to go and ask that potent
-little goddess that she knew and make a bribe to her of a new robe of
-red or new shoes or some such thing if she would make the child a boy.
-But she did not dare to go lest she recall to the goddess’ mind that
-old sin of hers, and she feared the goddess lest her old sin was not
-yet atoned for, even with the sorrow that she had, and that if the
-goddess saw her and heard her speak of grandsons, she might remember
-and reach out and smite the little one in the womb. She thought to
-herself, most miserably, “Better if I do not go and show myself at all.
-If I stay away and do not tell her that the child is coming, she may
-forget me this long time I have not been to any gods, and it will be
-but the birth of another mortal and not my grandson, and I must chance
-it is a boy.”
-
-And then she grew uneasy and full of gloom and thought to herself that
-if the child were joy yet was it a new gate for sorrow to enter by,
-too, and so is every child, and when she thought of this and how the
-child might be born dead or shapen wrong or dull or blind or a girl or
-any of these things, she hated gods and goddesses who have such powers
-to mar a mortal, and she muttered, “Have I not been more than punished
-for any little sin I did? Who could have thought the gods would know
-what I did that day? But doubtless that old god in the shrine smelled
-the sin about him and told the goddess somehow even though I covered up
-his eyes. Well, I will stay away from gods, so sinful an old soul as I
-be, for even if I would I do not know how to atone more for what I did
-than I have atoned. I swear if they measured up the joy and sorrow I
-have had in my whole life the sorrow would sink the scales like stone,
-and the joy be nothing more than thistledown, such poor joys as I have
-had. I did not bear the child and I have seen my blind maid die, still
-blind. Does not sorrow atone? Aye, I have been very full of sorrows all
-my life long, always poor too, with all my sorrows. But gods know no
-justice.”
-
-So, she thought gloomily, she had two sorrows to bear now: fear lest
-her grandson be not whole and sound or else a girl, and waiting for
-this younger son who would not come. Sometimes she thought her whole
-life was only made of waiting now. So had she waited for her man to
-come who never came, and now her son and grandsons. Such was her life
-and poor stuff it was, she thought.
-
-Yet she must hope and whenever anyone went into town she always asked
-him when he came back again, “Saw you my little son today anywhere?”
-And she would go about the hamlet and to this house and that and say,
-“Who went to town today?” And when one said he had, she asked again,
-“Saw you my little son today, goodman?”
-
-All through the hamlet in those days of waiting the men and women grew
-used to this question and when they looked up and saw her leaning on
-the staff her son had cut for her from a branch of their own trees and
-heard her old quavering voice ask, “Neighbor, saw you my little son
-today?” they would answer kindly enough, “No, no, good mother, and how
-could we see him in the common market-place where we go and he such as
-he is, and one you say who lives by books?”
-
-Then she would turn away dashed of her hope again and she let her voice
-sink and mutter, “I do not know--well and I think it is he has to do
-with books somewhere,” and they would laugh and say to humor her, “If
-some day we pass a place where books are sold we will look in and see
-if he is there behind the counter.”
-
-So she must go home to wait and wonder if the moths had eaten up the
-sheepskins.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But one day after many moons there came news. The mother sat by the
-door as ever she did now, her long pipe in her fingers, for she had
-only just eaten her morning meal. She sat and marked how sharply the
-morning sun rose over the rounded hills and waited for it hoping for
-its heat, for these autumn mornings were chill. Then came suddenly
-across the threshold a son of her cousin’s, the eldest son, and he went
-to her own elder son who stood binding the thong of his sandal that had
-broken as he put it on, and he said something in a low voice.
-
-She wondered even then for she had seen this man start for the town
-that morning when she rose at dawn, since she could not lie abed
-easily if she were well, being used to dawn rising all her life, and
-she saw him start to town with loads of new-cut grass. Here he was back
-so soon, and she was about to call out and ask him if he had sold his
-grass so quick when she saw her elder son look up from the thong and
-cry aghast, “My brother?”
-
-Yes, the old mother’s sharp ears heard it, for she was not deaf at all
-and she called out quickly, “What of my little son?”
-
-But the two men talked on earnestly and very gravely and with anxious
-looks into each other’s faces and at last the mother could not bear
-it and she rose and hobbled to them and she struck her staff upon the
-beaten earth and cried out, “Tell me of my son!”
-
-But the cousin’s son went away without a word and the elder son said,
-halting, “Mother, there is something wrong. I do not know--but, mother,
-I must go to town and see and tell you then--”
-
-But the mother would not let him go. She laid hold on him and cried out
-the more, “You shall not go until you tell me!”
-
-And at the sound of such a voice the son’s wife came and stood and
-listened and said, “Tell her, else she will be ill with anger.”
-
-So the son said slowly, “My cousin said--he said he saw my brother this
-morning among many others, and his hands were tied behind him with
-hempen ropes and his clothes were rags and he was marching past the
-market-place where my cousin had taken the grass to sell, and there
-was a long line of some twenty or thirty, and when my brother saw him
-he turned his eyes away--but my cousin asked and the guards who walked
-along said they were communists sent to gaol to be killed tomorrow.”
-
-Then did the three stare at each other, and as they stared the old
-mother’s jaw began to tremble and she looked from this face to the
-other and said, “I have heard that word, but I do not know what it is.”
-
-And the son said slowly, “So I asked my cousin and he asked the guard
-and the guard laughed and he said it was a new sort of robber they had
-nowadays.”
-
-Then the mother thought of that bundle hid so long beneath her bed and
-she began to wail aloud and threw her coat over her head and sobbed and
-said, “I might have known that night--oh, that bundle underneath my bed
-is what he robbed!”
-
-But the son and son’s wife laid hold on her at this and looked about
-and hurried her between them into the house and said, “What do you
-mean, our mother?”
-
-And the son’s wife lifted up the curtain and looked at the man and he
-came and the old mother pointed to the bundle there and sobbed, “I do
-not know what is in it--but he brought it here one night--and bade me
-be secret for a day or two--and still he is not come--and never came--”
-
-Then the man rose and went and shut the door softly and barred it and
-the woman hung a garment over the window and together they drew that
-bundle forth and untied the ropes.
-
-“Sheepskins, he said it was,” the mother murmured, staring at it.
-
-But the two said nothing and believed nothing that she said. It might
-be anything and half they expected it was gold when they felt how heavy
-and how hard it was.
-
-But when they opened it, it was only books. Many, many books were
-there, all small and blackly printed, and many sheets of paper, some
-pictured with the strangest sights of blood and death and giants
-beating little men or hewing them with knives. And when they saw these
-books, the three gaped at each other, all at a loss to know what this
-could mean and why any man should steal and hide mere paper marked with
-ink.
-
-But however much they stared they could not know the meaning. None
-could read a word, nor scarcely know the meaning of the pictures except
-that they were of bloody things, men stabbed and dying, and men severed
-in pieces and all such bloody hateful things as happen only where
-robbers are.
-
-Then were the three in terror, the mother for her son and the other
-two for themselves lest any should know that these were there. The man
-said, “Tie them up again and let them be till night and then we will
-take them to the kitchen and burn them all.”
-
-But the woman was more careful and she said, “No, we cannot burn them
-all at once or else others will see the mighty smoke and wonder what we
-do. I must burn them bit by bit and day by day as though I burned the
-grass to cook our food.”
-
-But the old mother did not heed this. She only knew now that her son
-had fallen in evil hands and she said to her elder son, “Oh, son, what
-will you do for your little brother--how will you find him?”
-
-“I know where he is,” the man said slowly and unwillingly. “My cousin
-said they took them to a certain gaol near the south gate where the
-beheading ground is.”
-
-And then he cried out at his mother’s sudden ghastly look and he called
-to his wife and they lifted the old woman and laid her on the bed and
-there she lay and gasped, her face the hue of clay with terror for
-her son, and she whispered gasping, “Oh, son, will you not go--your
-brother--”
-
-And the elder son laid aside his fears for himself then slowly and he
-said, in pity for his mother, “Oh, aye, mother, I go--I go--”
-
-He changed his clothes then and put shoes on his feet and to the mother
-the time went so slow she could not bear it. When at last he was ready
-she called him to her and pulled his head down and whispered in his
-ear, “Son, do not spare money. If he be truly in the gaol, there must
-be money spent to get him out. But money can do it, son. Whoever heard
-of any gaol that would not let a man free for money? Son, I have a
-little--in a hole here--I only kept it for him--use it all--use all we
-have--”
-
-The man’s face did not change and he looked at his wife and she looked
-at him and he said, “I will spare all I can, my mother, for your sake.”
-
-But she cried, “What does it matter for me?--I am old and ready to die.
-It is for his sake.”
-
-But the man was gone, and he went to fetch his cousin who had seen the
-sight and the two went toward the town.
-
-What could the mother do then except to wait again? Yet this was the
-bitterest waiting of her life. She could not lie upon her bed and yet
-she was faint if she rose. At last the son’s wife grew frightened
-to see how the old woman looked and how she stared and muttered and
-clapped her hands against her lean thighs and so she went and fetched
-the old cousin and the cousin’s wife, and the pair came over soberly
-and the three old people sat together.
-
-It was true it did comfort the mother somewhat to have the others
-there, for these were the two she could speak most to and she wept and
-said again and again, “If I have sinned have I not had sorrow enough?”
-And she said, “If I have sinned why do I not die myself and let it
-be an end of it? Why should this one and that be taken from me, and
-doubtless my grandson, too? No, I shall never see my grandson. I know
-I never shall, and it will not be I who must die.” And then she grew
-angry at such sorrow and cried out in her anger, weeping as she cried,
-“But where is any perfect woman and who is without any sin, and why
-should I have all the sorrow?”
-
-Then the cousin’s wife said hastily, for she feared that this old
-mother might cry out too much in her pain, “Be sure we all have sins
-and if we must be judged by sins then none of us would have children.
-Look at my sons and grandsons, and yet I am a wicked old soul, too, and
-I never go near a temple and I never have and when a nun used to come
-and cry out that I should learn the way to heaven, why then I was too
-busy with the babes, and now when I am old and they come and tell me I
-must learn the way before it is too late, why then I say I am too old
-to learn anything now and must do without a heaven if they will not
-have me as I am.”
-
-So she comforted the distraught mother, and the cousin said in his
-turn, “Wait, good cousin, until we hear what the news is. It may be you
-need not grieve after all, for he may be set free with the money they
-have to free him with, or it may be my son saw wrong and it was not
-your son who went past bound.”
-
-But the cousin’s wife took this care. She bade the young wife go and
-see to something or other in her own house, for she would have this
-son’s wife out of earshot, lest this poor old woman tell more than she
-meant to tell in this hour, and a great pity after keeping silence so
-many years.
-
-So they waited for the two men to return and it was easier waiting
-three than one.
-
-But night drew on before the mother saw them coming. She had dragged
-herself from her bed and as the afternoon wore on she went and sat
-under the willow tree, her cousin and her cousin’s wife beside her, and
-there the old three sat staring down the hamlet street, except when the
-cousin’s wife slept her little sleeps that not even sorrow could keep
-from her.
-
-At last when the sun was nearly set the mother saw them coming. She
-rose and leaned upon her staff and shaded her eyes against the golden
-evening sun and she cried, “It is they!” and hobbled down the street.
-So loud had been her cry, so fast her footsteps, that everyone came
-out of his house, for in the hamlet they all knew the tale but did not
-dare to come openly to the mother’s house, for fear there might be some
-judgment come on it because of this younger son and they all be caught
-in it. All day then they had gone about their business, eaten through
-with curiosity, but fearful too, as country people are when gaols and
-governors are talked of. Now they came forth and hung about, but at a
-distance, and watched what might befall. The cousin rose too and went
-behind the mother, and even the cousin’s wife would fain have come
-except now she did not walk unless she must and she thought to herself
-that she would hear it but a little later and she was one who believed
-the best must happen after all and so she spared herself and sat upon
-her bench and waited.
-
-But the mother ran and laid hold on her son’s arm and cried out, “What
-of my little son?”
-
-But even as she asked the question, even as her old eyes searched the
-faces of the two men, she knew that ill was written there. The two men
-looked at each other and at last the son said soberly, “He is in gaol,
-mother.” The two men looked at each other again and the cousin’s son
-scratched his head for a while and looked away and seemed foolish and
-as though he did not know what to say, and so the son spoke again,
-“Mother, I doubt he can be saved. He and twenty more are set for death
-and in the morning.”
-
-“Death?” the mother shrieked, and again she shrieked, “Death!”
-
-And she would have fallen if they had not caught her.
-
-Then the two men led her in to the nearest house and put a seat beneath
-her and eased her down and she began to weep and cry as a child does,
-her old mouth quivering and her tears running down and she beat her
-dried breasts with her clenched hands and cried out, accusing her son,
-“Then you did not offer them enough money--I told you I had that little
-store--not so little either, forty pieces of silver and the two little
-pieces he gave me last--and there they are waiting!” And when she saw
-her son stand with hanging head and the sweat bursting out on his lip
-and brow she spat at him in her anger and she said, “You shall not
-have a penny of it either! If he dies it will not be for you. No, I
-will go and throw it in the river first.”
-
-Then the cousin’s son spoke up in defense and for the sake of peace
-and he said, his face wrinkling in such a distressful hour and cause,
-“No, aunt, do not blame him. He offered more than twice your store. He
-offered a hundred pieces for his brother, and to high and low in that
-gaol, as high as he could get he offered bribes. To this one and to
-that he showed silver, but they would not even let him see your little
-son.”
-
-“Then he did not offer enough,” the mother shouted. “Whoever heard of
-guards in a gaol who are not to be bribed? But I will go and fetch that
-money this moment. Yes, I will dig it up and take it, old as I am, and
-find my little son and bring him home and he shall never leave me more,
-whatever they may say.”
-
-Again the two men looked at each other and the son’s face begged his
-cousin to speak again for him and so the cousin’s son said again, “Good
-aunt, they will not even let you see him. They would not let us in
-at all, I say; no, although we showed silver, because they said the
-governor was hot now against such crime as his. It is some new crime
-nowadays, and very heinous.”
-
-“My son has never done a crime,” the mother cried proudly, and she
-lifted up her staff and shook it at the man. “There is an enemy
-somewhere here who pays more than we have to keep him in the gaol.”
-And she looked around about the crowd that stood there gaping now and
-drinking down the news they heard, their eyes staring and their jaws
-agape, and she cried at them, “Saw any of you any crime my little son
-ever did?”
-
-This one looked at that and each looked everywhere and said no word
-and the mother saw their dubious looks and somehow her heart broke.
-She fell into her weeping again and cried at them, “Oh, you hated him
-because he was so fair to look upon--better than your black sons, who
-are only hinds--aye, you hate anyone who is better than yourselves--”
-and she rose and staggered forth and went home weeping most bitterly.
-
-But when she was come home again and they were alone and none near
-except the cousin and the cousin’s wife and their children, the mother
-wiped her eyes and said to her elder son more quietly yet in a fever,
-too, “But this is letting good time pass. Tell me all, for we may save
-him yet. We have the night. What was his true crime? We will take all
-we have and save him yet.”
-
-There passed between the son and son’s wife a look at this, not evil,
-but as though forbearance were very near its end in them, and then the
-son began, “I do not know what the crime is rightly, but they call him
-what I told you, a communist. A new word--I have heard it often, and
-when I asked what it was it seemed to be a sort of robber band. I asked
-the guard there at the gaol, who stands with a gun across his arm, and
-he answered, ‘What is he? Why, one who would even take your land from
-you, goodman, for himself, and one who contrives against the state and
-so must die with all his fellows.’ Aye, that is his crime.”
-
-The mother listened hard to this, the candle’s light falling on her
-face that glistened with dried tears, and she said astounded, her voice
-trembling while she strove to make it firm, “But I do not think it can
-be so. I never heard him say a word like this. I never heard of such a
-crime. To kill a man, to rob a house, to let a parent starve, these be
-crimes. But how can land be robbed? Can he roll it up like cloth and
-take it away with him and hide it somewhere?”
-
-“I do not know, mother,” said the son, his head hanging, his hands
-hanging loose between his knees as he sat upon a little stool. He wore
-his one robe still, but he had tucked the edge into his girdle, for he
-was not used to robes, and now he put it in more firmly and then he
-said slowly, “I do not know what else was said, a great deal here and
-there in the town we heard, because so many are to be killed tomorrow
-and they make a holiday. What else was said, my cousin?”
-
-Then the cousin’s son scratched his chin and swallowed hard and stared
-at the faces round about him in the room and he said, “There was a
-great deal said by those town folk, but I dared not ask much for when
-I asked more closely what the pother was about the guards at the gaol
-turned on me and said, ‘Are you one of them, too? What is it then to
-you if they are killed?’ And I dared not say I was the cousin of one
-to be killed. But we did find a chief gaoler and we gave him some money
-and begged for a private place to speak in and he led us to a corner of
-the gaol behind his own house and we told him we were honest country
-folk and had a little poor land and rented more, and that there was one
-among the doomed to die who was a distant relative, and if we could
-save him then we would for honor’s sake, since none of our name had
-died under a headsman’s blade before. But only if it did not cost too
-much since we were poor. The gaoler took the silver then and asked how
-the lad looked and we told him and he said, ‘I think I know the lad you
-mean, for he has been very ill at ease in gaol, and I think he would
-say all he knows, except there is a maid beside him bold as any I have
-ever seen who keeps him brave. Yes, some are hard and bold and do not
-care however they may die or when they die. But that lad is afraid. I
-doubt he knows what he has done or why he dies, for he looks a simple
-country lad they have used for their bidding and made great promises to
-him. I believe his crime is that he was found with certain books upon
-him that he gave among the people freely, and in the books are evil
-things said of overturning all the state and sharing all the money and
-the land alike.’”
-
-Then the mother looked at her elder son and broke out in fresh weeping
-and she moaned, “I knew we ought to let him have some land. We might
-have rented a little more and given him a share--but no, this elder
-son of mine and his wife must hold it all and grudge him everything--”
-
-Then the elder son opened his mouth to speak, but the old cousin said
-quietly, “Do not speak, my son. Let your mother blame you and ease
-herself. We all know what you are and what your brother was and how ill
-he hated any labor on the land or any labor anywhere.”
-
-So the son held his peace. At last the cousin’s son said on, “We asked
-the gaoler then how much silver it would take to set the lad free, and
-the gaoler shook his head and said that if the lad were high of place
-and son of some great rich and mighty man then doubtless silver used
-could set him free. But being a country lad and poor no man would put
-his life in danger for all that we could give, and so doubtless he must
-die.”
-
-At this the mother shrieked, “And shall he die because he is my son and
-I am poor? We have that land we own and we will sell it to free him.
-Yes, we will sell it this very night,--there are those in this hamlet--”
-
-But the elder son spoke up at this talk of his land and he said, “And
-how then will we live? We can scarcely live even as it is and if we
-rent more and at these new and ruinous rates we have now we shall be
-beggars. All we own is this small parcel of land and I will not sell
-it, mother. No, the land is mine--I will not sell it.”
-
-And when he said this his wife spoke up, to say the only thing she had
-said all the time, for she had sat there quietly listening, her pale
-face grave and showing nothing and she said, “There is the son I have
-in me to think of now.”
-
-And the man said heavily, “Aye, it is he I think of.”
-
-Then was the old mother silent. Yes, she was silent and she wept a
-while and thereafter all that night whenever fresh words broke forth
-there was but this one answer to them all.
-
- * * * * *
-
-When the dim dawn came near, for they had sat the night through, the
-mother gathered some strange strength she had and said, “I will go
-myself. Once more I will go into the town and wait to see my little son
-if he must go out to die.” And they laid their hands upon her arm and
-begged her not to go, and the son said earnestly, “Mother, I will go
-and fetch him--afterwards--for if you see the sight you yourself will
-die.” But she said, “What if I die?”
-
-She washed her face and combed the bit of gray hair left on her head
-and put a clean coat on herself as ever she was used to do when she
-went townwards, and she said simply, “Go and fetch my cousin’s ass. You
-will let me have it, cousin?”
-
-“Oh, aye,” the cousin said helplessly and sadly.
-
-So the son and cousin’s son went and fetched the ass and set the old
-mother on its back and they walked to the town beside it, a lantern in
-the son’s hand, for dawn was still too faint to walk by.
-
-Now was the mother weak and quiet and washed by her tears, and she went
-almost not knowing what she did, but clinging to the ass’s back. Her
-head hung down and she did not look once to see the dawn. She stared
-down into the pale dusty road that scarcely showed yet through the
-darkness. The men were silent, too, at that grave hour, and so they
-went winding with the road to the south and entered in toward the
-southern gate that was not opened yet as they came because the day was
-still so early.
-
-But there were many waiting there, for it had been noised about the
-countryside that there would be this great beheading and many came to
-see it for a show and brought their children. As soon as the gates were
-opened they all pressed in, the mother on her ass, and the two men,
-and they all turned to that piece of ground near the city wall within
-a certain open space. There in the early morning light a great crowd
-stood already, thick and pressed and silent with the thought of this
-vast spectacle of death. Little children clung hard to their parents in
-nameless fear of what they did not know, and babes cried out and were
-hushed and the crowd was silent, waiting hungrily, relishing in some
-strange way and hating, too, the horror that they craved to see.
-
-But the mother and the two men did not stay in the crowd. No, the
-mother whispered, “Let us go to the door of the gaol and stand there,”
-for in her poor heart she still held the hope that somehow when she saw
-her son some miracle must happen, some way must come whereby she could
-save him.
-
-So the man turned the ass’s head toward the gaol and there it was,
-and beside its gate set in the high wall spiked with glass along the
-top they waited. There a guard stretched himself and by him a lantern
-burned low, the candle spilling out a heap of melted tallow red as
-blood, until a chill wind blew up suddenly with the dawn and blew the
-guttering light out. There the three waited in the dusty street, and
-the mother came down from the ass and waited, and soon they heard the
-sound of footsteps stirring, and then the sound of many footsteps made
-on stone and marching and then there was a shout, “Open the gates!”
-
-The guards sprang up then and stood beside the gates erect, their
-weapons stiff and hard across their shoulders, and so the gates swung
-open.
-
-Then did the mother strain her eyes to see her son. There came forth
-many persons, youth tied to youth and two by two, their hands bound
-with hempen thongs, and each two tied to the two ahead. At first they
-seemed all young men, and yet here and there were maids, but hard to
-tell as maids, because their long hair was shorn and they wore the
-garments that the men did, and there was nothing to show what they were
-until one looked close and saw their little breasts and narrow waists,
-for their faces were as wild and bold as any young man’s.
-
-The mother looked at every face, at this one and at that, and suddenly
-she saw her own lad. Yes, there he walked, his head down, and he was
-tied to a maid, and his hands fast to hers.
-
-Then the mother rushed forward and fell at his feet and clasped them
-and gave one loud cry, “My son!”
-
-She looked up into his face, the palest face, his lips white and
-earthen and the eyes dull. When he saw his mother he turned paler still
-and would have fallen had he not been bound to the maid. For this maid
-pulled at him and would not let him fall, nor would she let him stay,
-and when she saw the old white-haired woman at his feet she laughed
-aloud, the boldest, mirthless laugh and she cried out high and shrill,
-“Comrade, remember now you have no mother and no father, nor any dear
-to you except our common cause!” And she pulled him on his way.
-
-Then a guard ran out and picked the mother up and threw her to one side
-upon the road and there she lay in the dust. Then the crowd marched on
-and out of sight and to that southern gate, and suddenly a wild song
-burst from them and they went singing to their death.
-
-At last the two men came and would have lifted up the mother, but she
-would not let them. She lay there in the dust a while, moaning and
-listening in a daze to that strange song, yet knowing nothing, only
-moaning on.
-
-And yet she could not moan long either, for a guard came from the gaol
-gate and prodded her most rudely with his gun and roared at her, “Off
-with you, old hag--” and the two men grew afraid and forced the mother
-to her feet and set her on the ass again and turned homeward slowly.
-But before they reached the southern gate they paused a while beside a
-wall and waited.
-
-They waited until they heard a great roar go up, and then the two men
-looked at each other and at the old mother. But if she heard it or
-knew what it was, she made no sign. She sat drooping on the beast, and
-staring into the dust beneath its feet.
-
-Then they went on, having heard the cry, and they met the crowd
-scattering and shouting this and that. The men said nothing nor did the
-old mother seem to hear, but some cried out, “A very merry death they
-died, too, and full of courage! Did you see that young bold maid and
-how she was singing to the end and when her head rolled off I swear she
-sang on a second, did she not?”
-
-And some said, “Saw you that lad whose red blood spurted out so far it
-poured upon the headsman’s foot and made him curse?”
-
-And some were laughing and their faces red and some were pale, and as
-the two men and the mother passed into the city gate, there was a young
-man there whose face was white as clay and he turned aside and leaned
-against the wall and vomited.
-
-But if she saw or heard these things the mother said no word. No, she
-knew the lad was dead now; dead, and no use silver or anything; no use
-reproach, even if she could reprove. She longed but for one place and
-it was to get to her home and search out that old grave and weep there.
-It came across her heart most bitterly that not even had she any grave
-of her own dead to weep upon as other women had, and she must go and
-weep on some old unknown grave to ease her heart. But even this pang
-passed and she only longed to weep and ease herself.
-
- * * * * *
-
-When she was before their door again she came down from the ass and she
-said pleading to her elder son, “Take me out behind the hamlet--I must
-weep a while.”
-
-The cousin’s wife was there and heard it and she said kindly, shaking
-her old head and wiping her eyes on her sleeves, “Aye, let the poor
-soul weep a while--it is the kindest thing--”
-
-And so in silence the son led his mother to the grave and made a smooth
-place in the grass for her to sit upon and pulled some other grass and
-made it soft for her. She sat down then and leaned her head upon the
-grave and looked at him haggardly and said, “Go away and leave me for
-a while and let me weep.” And when he hesitated she said again most
-passionately, “Leave me, for if I do not weep then I must die!”
-
-So he went away saying, “I will come soon to fetch you, mother,” for he
-was loath to leave her there alone.
-
-Then did the mother sit and watch the idle day grow bright. She watched
-the sun come fresh and golden over all the land as though no one had
-died that day. The fields were ripe with late harvest and the grain
-was full and yellow in the leaf and the yellow sun poured over all
-the fields. And all the time the mother sat and waited for her sorrow
-to rise to tears in her and ease her broken heart. She thought of all
-her life and all her dead and how little there had been of any good to
-lay hold on in her years, and so her sorrow rose. She let it rise, not
-angry any more, nor struggling, but letting sorrow come now as it would
-and she took her measure full of it. She let herself be crushed to the
-very earth and felt her sorrow fill her, accepting it. And turning her
-face to the sky she cried in agony, “Is this atonement now? Am I not
-punished well?”
-
-And then her tears came gushing and she laid her old head upon the
-grave and bent her face into the weeds and so she wept.
-
-On and on she wept through that bright morning. She remembered every
-little sorrow and every great one and how her man had quarreled and
-gone and how there was no little maid to come and call her home from
-weeping now and how her lad looked tied to that wild maid and so she
-wept for all her life that day.
-
- * * * * *
-
-But even as she wept her son came running. Yes, he came running over
-the sun-strewn land and as he ran he beckoned with his arm and shouted
-something to her but she could not hear it quickly out of all her maze
-of sorrow. She lifted up her face to hear and then she heard him say,
-“Mother--mother--” and then she heard him cry, “My son is come--your
-grandson, mother!”
-
-Yes, she heard that cry of his as clear as any call she ever heard her
-whole life long. Her tears ceased without her knowing it. She rose and
-staggered and then went to meet him, crying, “When--when--”
-
-“But now,” he shouted laughing. “This very moment born--a son--I never
-saw a bigger babe and roaring like a lad born a year or two, I swear!”
-
-She laid her hand upon his arm and began to laugh a little, half
-weeping, too. And leaning on him she hurried her old feet and forgot
-herself.
-
-Thus the two went to the house and into that room where the new mother
-lay upon her bed. The room was full of women from the hamlet who had
-come to hear the news and even that old gossip, the oldest woman of
-them all now, and very deaf and bent nigh double with her years, she
-must come too and when she saw the old mother she cackled out, “A lucky
-woman you are, goodwife--I thought the end of your luck was come, but
-here it is born again, son’s son, I swear, and here be I with nothing
-but my old carcass for my pains--”
-
-But the old mother said not one word and she saw no one. She went into
-the room and to the bed and looked down. There the child lay, a boy,
-and roaring as his father said he did, his mouth wide open, as fair
-and stout a babe as any she had ever seen. She bent and seized him in
-her arms and held him and felt him hot and strong against her with new
-life.
-
-She looked at him from head to foot and laughed and looked again, and
-at last she searched about the room for the cousin’s wife and there the
-woman was, a little grandchild or two clinging to her, who had come to
-see the sight. Then when she found the face she sought the old mother
-held the child for the other one to see and forgetting all the roomful
-she cried aloud, laughing as she cried, her eyes all swelled with her
-past weeping, “See, cousin! I doubt I was so full of sin as once I
-thought I was, cousin--you see my grandson!”
-
-
-
-
- THE
- JOHN DAY
- COMPANY
- INC.
-
-[Illustration]
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