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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Esther, by Rosa Nouchette Carey
+#2 in our series by Rosa Nouchette Carey
+
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+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
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+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
+
+
+Title: Esther
+       A Book for Girls
+
+Author: Rosa Nouchette Carey
+
+Release Date: November, 2004 [EBook #6850]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on February 2, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESTHER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Avinash Kothare, Tom Allen, Charles Franks
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+ESTHER:
+
+A BOOK FOR GIRLS.
+
+BY
+
+ROSA NOUCHETTE CAREY
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+The Last Day at Redmayne House.
+
+CHAPTER II.
+The Arrival at Combe Manor.
+
+CHAPTER III.
+Dot.
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+Uncle Geoffrey.
+
+CHAPTER V.
+The Old House at Milnthorpe.
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+The Flitting.
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+Over the Way.
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+Flurry and Flossy.
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+The Cedars.
+
+CHAPTER X.
+"I Wish I Had a Dot of My Own."
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+Miss Ruth's Nurse.
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+I Was Not Like Other Girls.
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+"We Have Missed Dame Bustle."
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+Playing in Tom Tidler's Ground.
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+Life at the Brambles.
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+The Smugglers' Cave.
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+A Long Night.
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+"You Brave Girl!"
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+A Letter from Home.
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+"You Were Right, Esther."
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+Santa Claus.
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+Allan and I Walk to Eltham Green.
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+Told in the Sunset.
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+Ringing the Changes.
+
+
+
+
+ESTHER
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+THE LAST DAY AT REDMAYNE HOUSE.
+
+
+What trifles vex one!
+
+I was always sorry that my name was Esther; not that I found fault
+with the name itself, but it was too grave, too full of meaning for
+such an insignificant person. Some one who was learned in such
+matters--I think it was Allan--told me once that it meant a star, or
+good fortune.
+
+It may be so, but the real meaning lay for me in the marginal note
+of my Bible: Esther, fair of form and good in countenance, that
+Hadassah, who was brought to the palace of Shushan, the beautiful
+Jewish queen who loved and succored her suffering people; truly a
+bright particular star among them.
+
+Girls, even the best of them, have their whims and fancies, and I
+never looked at myself in the glass on high days and holidays, when a
+festive garb was desirable, without a scornful protest, dumbly
+uttered, against so shining a name. There was such a choice, and I
+would rather have been Deborah or Leah, or even plain Susan, or
+Molly; anything homely, that would have suited my dark, low-browed
+face. Tall and angular, and hard-featured--what business had I with
+such a name?
+
+"My dear, beauty is only skin-deep, and common sense is worth its
+weight in gold; and you are my good sensible Esther," my mother said
+once, when I had hinted rather too strongly at my plainness. Dear
+soul, she was anxious to appease the pangs of injured vanity, and was
+full of such sweet, balmy speeches; but girls in the ugly duckling
+stage are not alive to moral compliments; and, well--perhaps I hoped
+my mother might find contradiction possible.
+
+Well, I am older and wiser now, less troublesomely introspective,
+and by no means so addicted to taking my internal structure to
+pieces, to find out how the motives and feelings work; but all the
+same, I hold strongly to diversity of gifts. I believe beauty is a
+gift, one of the good things of God; a very special talent, for which
+the owner must give account. But enough of this moralizing, for I
+want to speak of a certain fine afternoon in the year of our Lord,
+18--well, never mind the date.
+
+It was one of our red-letter days at Redmayne House--in other words,
+a whole holiday; we always had a whole holiday on Miss Majoribanks'
+birthday. The French governess had made a grand toilette, and had
+gone out for the day. Fraulein had retired to her own room, and was
+writing a long sentimental effusion to a certain "liebe Anna," who
+lived at Heidelberg. As Fraulein had taken several of us into
+confidence, we had heard a great deal of this Anna von Hummel, a
+little round-faced German, with flaxen plaits and china-blue eyes,
+like a doll; and Jessie and I had often wondered at this strong
+Teutonic attachment. Most of the girls were playing croquet--they
+played croquet then--on the square lawn before the drawing-room
+windows; the younger ones were swinging in the lime-walk. Jessie and
+I had betaken ourselves with our books to a corner we much affected,
+where there was a bench under a may-tree.
+
+Jessie was my school friend--chum, I think we called it; she was a
+fair, pretty girl, with a thoroughly English face, a neat compact
+figure, and manners which every one pronounced charming and lady-like;
+her mind was lady-like too, which was the best of all.
+
+Jessie read industriously--her book seemed to rivet her attention;
+but I was restless and distrait. The sun was shining on the limes,
+and the fresh green leaves seemed to thrill and shiver with life: a
+lazy breeze kept up a faint soughing, a white butterfly was hovering
+over the pink may, the girls' shrill voices sounded everywhere; a
+thousand undeveloped thoughts, vague and unsubstantial as the
+sunshine above us, seemed to blend with the sunshine and voices.
+
+"Jessie, do put down your book--I want to talk." Jessie raised her
+eyebrows a little quizzically but she was always amiable; she had
+that rare unselfishness of giving up her own will ungrudgingly; I
+think this was why I loved her so. Her story was interesting, but she
+put down her book without a sigh.
+
+"You are always talking, Esther," she said, with a provoking little
+smile; "but then," she added, quickly, as though she were afraid that
+I should think her unkind, "I never heard other girls talk so well."
+
+"Nonsense," was my hasty response: "don't put me out of temper with
+myself. I was indulging in a little bit of philosophy while you were
+deep in the 'Daisy Chain.' I was thinking what constituted a great
+mind."
+
+Jessie opened her eyes widely, but she did not at once reply; she
+was not, strictly speaking, a clever girl, and did not at once grasp
+any new idea; our conversations were generally rather one-sided. Emma
+Hardy, who was our school wag, once observed that I used Jessie's
+brains as an airing-place for my ideas. Certainly Jessie listened
+more than she talked, but then, she listened so sweetly.
+
+"Of course, Alfred the Great, and Sir Philip Sidney, and Princess
+Elizabeth of France, and all the heroes and heroines of old time--all
+the people who did such great things and lived such wonderful lives
+--may be said to have had great minds; but I am not thinking about
+them. I want to know what makes a great mind, and how one is to get
+it. There is Carrie, now, you know how good she is; I think she may
+be said to have one."
+
+"Carrie--your sister?"
+
+"Why, yes," I returned, a little impatiently; for certainly Jessie
+could not think I meant that stupid, peevish little Carrie Steadman,
+the dullest girl in the school; and whom else should I mean, but
+Carrie, my own dear sister, who was two years older than I, and who
+was as good as she was pretty, and who set us all such an example of
+unworldliness and self-denial; and Jessie had spent the Christmas
+holidays at our house, and had grown to know and love her too; and
+yet she could doubt of whom I was speaking; it could not be denied
+that Jessie was a little slow.
+
+"Carrie is so good," I went on, when I had cooled a little, "I am
+sure she has a great mind. When I read of Mrs. Judson and Elizabeth
+Fry, or of any of those grand creatures, I always think of Carrie.
+How few girls of nineteen would deprive themselves of half their
+dress allowance, that they might devote it to the poor; she has given
+up parties because she thinks them frivolous and a waste of time; and
+though she plays so beautifully, mother can hardly get her to
+practice, because she says it is a pity to devote so much time to a
+mere accomplishment, when she might be at school, or reading to poor
+old Betty Martin."
+
+"She might do both," put in Jessie, rather timidly; for she never
+liked contradicting any of my notions, however far-fetched and
+ill-assorted they might be. "Do you know, Esther, I fancy your mother
+is a little sorry that Carrie is so unlike other girls; she told me once
+that she thought it such a pity that she had let her talents rust
+after all the money that had been spent on her education."
+
+"You must have misunderstood my mother," I returned, somewhat
+loftily; "I heard her once say to Uncle Geoffrey that she thought
+Carrie was almost perfection. You have no idea how much Mr. Arnold
+thinks of her; he is always holding her up as his pattern young lady
+in the parish, and declares that he should not know what to do
+without her. She plays the organ at all the week-day services, and
+teaches at the Sunday school, and she has a district now, and a
+Bible-class for the younger girls. No wonder she cannot find time to
+practice, or to keep up her drawing." And I looked triumphantly at
+Jessie; but her manner did not quite please me. She might not be
+clever, but she had a good solid set of opinions to which she could
+hold stoutly enough.
+
+"Don't think me disagreeable, Esther," she pleaded. "I think a great
+deal of Carrie; she is very sweet, and pretty, and good, and we
+should all be better if we were more like her; but no one is quite
+faultless, and I think even Carrie makes mistakes at times."
+
+"Oh, of course!" I answered a little crossly, for I could not bear
+her finding fault with Carrie, who was such a paragon in my eyes. But
+Jessie took no notice of my manner, she was such a wise little
+creature; and I cannot help thinking that the less importance we
+attach to people's manner the better. Under a little roughness there
+is often good stuff, and some good people are singularly unfortunate
+in manner.
+
+So Jessie went on in her gentle way, "Do you remember Miss
+Majoribanks' favorite copy: 'Moderation in all things'? I think this
+ought to apply to everything we do. We had an old nurse once, who
+used to say such droll things to us children. I remember I had been
+very good, and done something very wonderful, as I thought, and
+nursie said to me in her dry way, 'Well, Miss Jessie, my dear, duty
+is not a hedgehog, that you should be bristling all over in that way.
+There is no getting at you to-day, you are too fully armed at all
+points for praise.' And she would not say another word; and another
+time, when I thought I ought to have been commended; she said, 'Least
+done is soonest mended; and well done is not ill done, and that is
+all about it.' Poor old nurse! she would never praise any one."
+
+"But, Jessie--how does this apply to Carrie?"
+
+"Well, not very much, I dare say; only I think Carrie overdoes her
+duty sometimes. I remember one evening your mother look so
+disappointed when Carrie said she was too tired to sing."
+
+"You mean the evening when the Scobells were there, and Carrie had
+been doing parish work all the day, and she came in looking so pale
+and fagged? I thought mother was hard on her that night. Carrie cried
+about it afterward in my room."
+
+"Oh, Esther, I thought she spoke so gently! She only said, 'Would it
+not have been better to have done a little less to-day, and reserved
+yourself for our friends? We ought never to disappoint people if we
+can help it.'"
+
+"Yes; only mother looked as if she were really displeased; and
+Carrie could not bear that; she said in her last letter that mother
+did not sympathize entirely in her work, and that she missed me
+dreadfully, for the whole atmosphere was rather chilling sometimes."
+
+Jessie looked a little sorry at this. "No one could think that of
+your home, Esther." And she sighed, for her home was very different
+from ours. Her parents were dead, and as she was an only child, she
+had never known the love of brother or sister; and the aunt who
+brought her up was a strict narrow-minded sort of person, with
+manners that must have been singularly uncongenial to my
+affectionate, simple-minded Jessie. Poor Jessie! I could not help
+giving her one of my bear-like hugs at this, so well did I know the
+meaning of that sigh; and there is no telling into what channel our
+talk would have drifted, only just at that moment Belle Martin, the
+pupil-teacher, appeared in sight, walking very straight and fast, and
+carrying her chin in an elevated fashion, a sort of practical
+exposition of Madame's "Heads up, young ladies!" But this was only
+her way, and Belle was a good creature.
+
+"You are to go in at once, Miss Cameron," she called out, almost
+before she reached us. "Miss Majoribanks has sent me to look for you;
+your uncle is with her in the drawing-room."
+
+"Uncle Geoffrey? Oh, my dear Uncle Geoff!" I exclaimed, joyfully.
+"Do you really mean it, Belle?"
+
+"Yes, Dr. Cameron is in the drawing-room," repeated Belle. But I
+never noticed how grave her voice was. She commenced whispering to
+Jessie almost before I was a yard away, and I thought I heard an
+exclamation in Jessie's voice; but I only said to myself, "Oh, my
+dear Uncle Geoff!" in a tone of suppressed ecstasy, and I looked
+round on the croquet players as I threaded the lawn with a sense of
+pity that not one of them possessed an uncle like mine.
+
+Miss Majoribanks was seated in state, in her well-preserved black
+satin gown, with her black gloves reposing in her lap, looking rather
+like a feminine mute; but on this occasion I took no notice of her. I
+actually forgot my courtesy, and I am afraid I made one of my awkward
+rushes, for Miss Majoribanks groaned slightly, though afterward she
+turned it into a cough.
+
+"Why, Esther, you are almost a woman now," said my uncle, putting me
+in front of him, and laying his heavy hand on my shoulder. "Bless me,
+how the child has grown, and how unlike she is to Carrie!"
+
+"I was seventeen yesterday," I answered, pouting a little, for I
+understood the reference to Carrie; and was I not the ugly duckling?
+--but I would not keep up the sore feeling a minute, I was so pleased
+to see him.
+
+No one would call Uncle Geoffrey handsome--oh, dear, no! his
+features were too rugged for that; but he had a droll, clever face,
+and a pair of honest eyes, and his gray hair was so closely cropped
+that it looked like a silver cap. He was a little restless and
+fidgety in his movements, too, and had ways that appeared singular to
+strangers, but I always regarded his habits respectfully. Clever men,
+I thought, were often eccentric; and I was quite angry with my mother
+when she used to say, "Geoff was an old bachelor, and he wanted a
+wife to polish him; I should like to see any woman dare to marry
+Uncle Geoff."
+
+"Seventeen, sweet seventeen! Eh, Esther?" but he still held my hand
+and looked at me thoughtfully. It was then I first noticed how grave
+he looked.
+
+"Have you come from Combe Manor, Uncle Geoff, and are they all quite
+well at home?" I asked, rather anxiously, for he seemed decidedly
+nervous.
+
+"Well, no," he returned, rather slowly; "I am sorry to spoil your
+holiday, child, but I have come by your mother's express desire to
+fetch you home. Frank--your father, I mean--is not well, and they
+will be glad of your help and--bless me"--Uncle Geoff's favorite
+exclamation--"how pale the girl looks!"
+
+"You are keeping something from me--he is very ill--I know he is
+very ill!" I exclaimed, passionately. "Oh, uncle, do speak out! he is
+--" but I could not finish my sentence, only Uncle Geoffrey understood.
+
+"No, no, it is not so bad as that," putting his arm round me, for I
+was trembling and shaking all over; "he is very ill--I dare not deny
+that there is much ground for fear; but Esther, we ought to lose no
+time in getting away from here. Will you swallow this glass of wine,
+like a good, brave child, and then pack up your things as soon as
+possible?"
+
+There was no resisting Uncle Geoffrey's coaxing voice; all his
+patients did what he told them, so I drank the wine, and tried to
+hurry from the room, only my knees felt so weak.
+
+"Miss Martin will assist you," whispered Miss Majoribanks, as I
+passed her; and, sure enough, as I entered the dormitory, there was
+Belle emptying my drawers, with Jessie helping her. Even in my
+bewildered state of wretchedness I wondered why Miss Majoribanks
+thought it necessary for me to take all my things. Was I bidding good-by
+to Redmayne House?
+
+Belle looked very kindly at me as she folded my dresses, but Jessie
+came up to me with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Esther!" she whispered,
+"how strange to think we were talking as we were, and now the
+opportunity has come?" and though her speech was a little vague, I
+understood it; she meant the time for me to display my greatness of
+mind--ah, me! my greatness of mind--where was it? I was of no use at
+all; the girls did it all between them, while I sat on the edge of my
+little bed and watched them. They were as quick as possible, and yet
+it seemed hours before the box was locked, and Belle had handed me
+the key; by-and-by, Miss Majoribanks came and fetched me down, for
+she said the fly was at the door, and Dr. Cameron was waiting.
+
+We girls had never cared much for Miss Majoribanks, but nothing
+could exceed her kindness then. I think the reason why schoolmistresses
+are not often beloved by their pupils--though there certainly are
+exceptions to that rule--is that they do not often show their good hearts.
+
+When Miss Majoribanks buttoned my gloves for me, and smoothed my
+hair, and gave me that motherly kiss, I felt I loved her. "God bless
+you my dear child! we shall all miss you; you have worked well and
+been a credit to the establishment. I am sorry indeed to part with
+you." Actually these were Miss Majoribanks' words, and spoken, too,
+in a husky voice!
+
+And when I got downstairs, there were all the girls, many of them
+with their croquet mallets in their hands, gathered in the front
+garden, and little Susie Pierrepoint, the baby of the school,
+carrying a large bunch of lavender and sweet-william from her own
+little garden, which she thrust into my hands.
+
+"They are for you," cried Susie; and then they all crowded round and
+kissed me.
+
+"Good-by, Esther; we are so sorry to lose you; write to us and let
+us know how you are."
+
+Jessie's pale little face came last. "Oh, my darling! how I shall be
+thinking of you!" cried the affectionate creature; and then I broke
+down, and Uncle Geoffrey led me away.
+
+"I am glad to see your school-fellows love you," he said, as we
+drove off, and Redmayne House became lost to sight. "Human affection
+is a great boon, Esther."
+
+Dear Uncle Geoffrey! he wanted to comfort me; but for some time I
+would not speak or listen.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+THE ARRIVAL AT COMBE MANOR.
+
+
+The great secret of Uncle Geoffrey's influence with people was a
+certain quiet undemonstrative sympathy. He did not talk much; he was
+rather given to letting people alone, but his kindliness of look made
+his few spoken words more precious than the voluble condolences of
+others.
+
+He made no effort to check the torrent of tears that followed my
+first stunned feelings; indeed, his "Poor child!" so tenderly
+uttered, only made them flow more quickly. It was not until we were
+seated in the railway compartment, and I had dried them of my own
+accord, that he attempted to rouse me by entering into conversation,
+and yet there was much that he knew must be said, only "great haste,
+small speed," was always Uncle Geoffrey's favorite motto. "There is
+time for all things, and much more," as he used to tell us.
+
+"Are you better now?" he asked, kindly. "That is right; put your
+handkerchief away, and we can have a little talk together. You are a
+sensible girl, Esther, and have a wise little head on your shoulders.
+Tell me, my child, had you any idea of any special anxiety or trouble
+that was preying on your father's mind?"
+
+"No, indeed," I returned, astonished. "I knew the farm was doing
+badly, and father used to complain now and then of Fred's
+extravagance, and mother looked once or twice very worried, but we
+did not think much about it."
+
+"Then I am afraid what I am going to tell you will be a great
+shock," he returned, gravely. "Your father and mother must have had
+heavy anxieties lately, though they have kept it from you children.
+The cause of your father's illness is mental trouble. I must not hide
+from you, Esther, that he is ruined."
+
+"Ruined!" I tried to repeat the word aloud, but it died on my lips.
+
+"A man with a family ought not to speculate," went on my uncle,
+speaking more to himself than me. "What did Frank know about the
+business? About as much as Fred does about art. He has spent
+thousands on the farm, and it has been a dead loss from the
+beginning. He knew as much about farming as Carrie does. Stuff and
+nonsense! And then he must needs dabble in shares for Spanish mines;
+and that new-fangled Wheal Catherine affair that has gone to smash
+lately. Every penny gone; and a wife, and--how many of you are there,
+Esther?"
+
+But I was too much overwhelmed to help him in his calculation, so he
+commenced striking off on his fingers, one by one.
+
+"Let me see; there's Fred, brought up, young coxcomb! to think
+himself a fine gentleman and an artist, with almost as much notion of
+work as I have of piano playing; and Allan, who has more brains than
+the rest of you put together; and Carrie, who is half a saint and
+slightly hysterical; and your poor little self; and then comes that
+nondescript article Jack. Why in the world do you call a feminine
+creature Jack? And poor little Dot, who will never earn a penny for
+himself--humph, six of you to clothe and feed--"
+
+"Oh, Uncle Geoff!" I burst out, taking no notice of this long
+tirade; and what did it matter if Dot never earned anything when I
+would work my fingers to the bone for him, the darling! "oh, Uncle
+Geoff, are things really so bad as that? Will Fred be obliged to give
+up his painting, when he has been to Rome, too; and shall we have to
+leave Combe Manor, and the farm? Oh, what will they all do? and
+Carrie, too?"
+
+"Work," was the somewhat grim reply, and then he went on in a milder
+tone. "Things are very bad, Esther; about as bad as they can be--for
+we must look matters in the face--and your father is very ill, and
+there is no knowing where the mischief may end; but you must all put
+your shoulders to the domestic wheel, and push it up the Hill
+Difficulty. It is a crisis, and a very painful one, but it will prove
+which of you has the right mettle.
+
+"I am not afraid of Allan," he went on; "the lad has plenty of good
+stuff in him; and I am not much afraid of you, Esther, at least I
+think not; but--" He hesitated, and then stopped, and I knew he was
+thinking of Fred and Carrie; but he need not. Of course Carrie would
+work as heartily as any of us; idling was never her forte; and Fred
+--well, perhaps Fred was not always industrious.
+
+I seemed to have lost myself in a perfect tangle of doubt and dread.
+Uncle Geoffrey went on with his talk, half sad and half moralizing,
+but I could not follow all he said. Two thoughts were buzzing about
+me like hornets. Father was ill, very ill, and we should have to
+leave Combe Manor. The sting of these thoughts was dreadful.
+
+I seemed to rouse out of a nightmare when Uncle Geoffrey suddenly
+announced that we were at Crowbridge. No one was waiting for us at
+the station, which somewhat surprised me; but Combe Manor was not a
+quarter of a mile off, so the luggage was wheeled away on a truck,
+and Uncle Geoffrey and I walked after it, up the sandy lane, and
+round by the hazel copse. And there were the fields, where Dapple,
+the gray mare, was feeding; and there were Cherry and Spot, and
+Brindle, and all the rest of the dear creatures, rubbing their horned
+heads against the hedge as usual; and two or three of them standing
+knee-deep in the great shallow pool, where Fred and Allan used to
+sail their boats, and make believe it was the Atlantic. We always
+called the little bit of sedgy ground under the willow America, and
+used to send freights of paper and cardboard across the mimic ocean,
+which did not always arrive safely.
+
+How lovely and peaceful it all looked on this June evening! The sun
+shone on the red brick house and old-fashioned casements; roses were
+climbing everywhere, on the walls, round the porch, over the very
+gateway. Fred was leaning against the gate, in his brown velveteen
+coat and slouched hat, looking so handsome and picturesque, poor
+fellow! He had a Gloire de Dijon in his button-hole. I remember I
+wondered vaguely how he had had the heart to pick it.
+
+"How is he?" called out Uncle Geoffrey. And Fred started, for though
+he was watching for us he had not seen us turn the corner of the lane.
+
+"No better," was the disconsolate answer, as he unlatched the gate,
+and stooped over it to kiss me. "We are expecting Allan down by the
+next train, and Carrie asked me to look out for you; how do you do,
+Esther? What have you done to yourself?" eyeing me with a mixture of
+chagrin and astonishment. I suppose crying had not improved my
+appearance; still, Fred need not have noticed my red eyes; but he was
+one who always "looked on the outward appearance."
+
+"She is tired and unhappy, poor little thing," repeated Uncle
+Geoffrey, answering for me, as he drew my arm through his. "I hope
+Carrie has got some tea for her;" and as he spoke Carrie came out in
+the porch to meet us. How sweet she looked, the "little nun," as Fred
+always called her, in her gray dress; with her smooth fair hair and
+pale pretty face.
+
+"Poor Esther, how tired you look!" she said, kissing me
+affectionately, but quietly--Carrie was always a little
+undemonstrative--"but I have got tea for you in the brown room" (we
+always called it the brown room, because it was wainscoted in oak);
+"will you have it now, or would you like to see mother?"
+
+"You had better have tea first and see your mother afterward,"
+observed Uncle Geoffrey; but I would not take this prudent counsel.
+On the stairs I came upon Jack, curled up on a window-sill, with
+Smudge, our old black cat, in her arms, and was welcomed by both of
+them with much effusion. Jack was a tall, thin girl, all legs and
+arms, with a droll, freckled face and round blue eyes, with all the
+awkwardness of fourteen, and none of its precocity. Her real name was
+Jacqueline, but we had always called her Jack, for brevity, and
+because, with her cropped head and rough ways, she resembled a boy
+more than a girl; her hair was growing now, and hung about her neck
+in short ungainly lengths, but I doubt whether in its present stage
+it was any improvement. I am not at all sure strangers considered
+Jack a prepossessing child, she was so awkward and overgrown, but I
+liked her droll face immensely. Fred was always finding fault with
+her and snubbing her, which brought him nothing but pert replies;
+then he would entreat mother to send her to school, but somehow she
+never went. Dot could not spare her, and mother thought there was
+plenty of time, so Jack still roamed about at her own sweet will;
+riding Dapple barebacked round the paddock, milking Cherry, and
+feeding the chickens; carrying on some pretense at lessons with
+Carrie, who was not a very strict mistress, and plaguing Fred, who
+had nice ways and hated any form of untidiness.
+
+"Oh, you dear thing!" cried Jack, leaping from the window-seat and
+nearly strangling me, while Smudge rubbed himself lovingly against my
+dress; "oh, you dear, darling, delightful old Esther, how pleased I
+am to see you!" (Certainly Jack was not undemonstrative.) "Oh, it has
+been so horrid the last few days--father ill, and mother always with
+him, and Fred as cross as two sticks, and Carrie always too busy or
+too tired for any one to speak to her; and Dot complaining of pain in
+his back and not caring to play, oh!" finished Jack, with a long-drawn
+sigh, "it has been almost too horrid."
+
+"Hush, Jack," was my sole reply; for there was dear mother coming
+down the passage toward us. I had only been away from her two months,
+and yet it struck me that her hair was grayer and her face was
+thinner than it used to be, and there were lines on her forehead that
+I never remember to have seen before; but she greeted me in her old
+affectionate way, putting back my hair from my face to look at me,
+and calling me her dear child. "But I must not stop a moment,
+Esther," she said hurriedly, "or father will miss me; take off your
+hat, and rest and refresh yourself, and then you shall come up and
+see him."
+
+"But, mother, where is Dot?"
+
+"In there," motioning toward the sick room; "he is always there, we
+cannot keep him out," and her lip trembled. When Jack and I returned
+to the brown room, we found the others gathered round the table.
+Carrie, who was pouring out the tea, pointed to the seat beside her.
+
+It was the first dreary meal I had ever remembered in the brown
+room; my first evening at home had always been so happy. The shallow
+blue teacups and tiny plates always seemed prettier than other
+people's china, and nothing ever tasted so delicious as our home-made
+brown bread and butter.
+
+But this evening the flavor seemed spoiled. Carrie sat in mother's
+place looking sad and abstracted, and fingering her little silver
+cross nervously. Fred was downcast and out of spirits, returning only
+brief replies to Uncle Geoffrey's questions, and only waking up to
+snub Jack if she spoke a word. Oh, how I wished Allan would make his
+appearance and put us all right! It was quite a relief when I heard
+mother's voice calling me, and she took me into the great cool room
+where father lay.
+
+Dot was curled up in mother's great arm-chair, with his favorite
+book of natural history; he slipped a hot little hand in mine as I
+passed him.
+
+Dot was our name for him because he was so little, but he had been
+called Frank, after our father; he was eight years old, but he hardly
+looked bigger than a child of six. His poor back was crooked, and he
+was lame from hip-disease; sometimes for weeks together the cruel
+abscesses wasted his strength, at other times he was tolerably free
+from pain; even at his worst times Dot was a cheery invalid, for he
+was a bright, patient little fellow. He had a beautiful little face,
+too, though perhaps the eyes were a trifle too large for the thin
+features; but Dot was my pet, and I could see no fault in him;
+nothing angered me more than when people pitied him or lamented over
+his infirmity. When I first came home the sound of his crutch on the
+floor was the sweetest music in my ear. But I had no eyes even for
+Dot after my first look at father. Oh, how changed, how terribly
+changed he was! The great wave of brown hair over his forehead was
+gray, his features were pinched and haggard, and when he spoke to me
+his voice was different, and he seemed hardly able to articulate.
+
+"Poor children--poor children!" he groaned; and as I kissed his
+cheek he said, "Be a good girl, Esther, and try to be a comfort to
+your mother."
+
+"When I am a man I shall try and be a comfort too," cried Dot, in
+his sharp chirpy voice; it quite startled father.
+
+"That's my brave boy," said father, faintly, and I think there were
+tears in his eyes. "Dora"--my mother's name was Dora--"I am too tired
+to talk; let the children go now, and come and sit by me while I go
+to sleep;" and mother gently dismissed us.
+
+I had rather a difficulty with Dot when I got outside, for he
+suddenly lowered his crutch and sat down on the floor.
+
+"I don't want to go to bed," he announced, decidedly. "I shall sit
+here all night, in case mother wants me; when it gets dark she may
+feel lonely."
+
+"But, Dot, mother will be grieved if she comes out and finds you
+here; she has anxiety enough as it is; and if you make yourself ill,
+too, you will only add to her trouble. Come, be a good boy, and let
+me help you to undress." But I might as well have talked to Smudge.
+Dot had these obstinate fits at times; he was tired, and his nerves
+were shaken by being so many hours in the sick room, and nothing
+would have induced him to move. I was so tired at last that I sat
+down on the floor, too, and rested my head against the door, and Dot
+sat bolt upright like a watchful little dog, and in this ridiculous
+position we were discovered by Allan. I had not heard of his arrival;
+and when he came toward us, springing lightly up two stairs at a
+time, I could not help uttering a suppressed exclamation of delight.
+
+He stopped at once and looked at us in astonishment. "Dot and
+Esther! in the name of all that is mysterious; huddled up like two
+Chinese gods on the matting. Why, I took Esther for a heap of clothes
+in the twilight." Of course I told him how it happened. Dot was
+naughty and would not move, and I was keeping him company. Allan
+hardly heard me out before he had shouldered Dot, crutch and all, and
+was walking off with him down the passage. "Wait for me a few
+minutes, Esther," he whispered; and I betook myself to the window-seat
+and looked over the dusky garden, where the tall white lilies
+looked like ghostly flowers in the gloom.
+
+It was a long time before Allan rejoined me. "That is a curious
+little body," he said, half laughing, as he sat down beside me. "I
+had quite a piece of work with him for carrying him off in that
+fashion; he said 'I was a savage, a great uncivilized man, to take
+such a mean advantage of him; If I were big I would fight you,' he
+said, doubling his fists; he looked such a miserable little atom of a
+chap as he said it."
+
+"Was he really angry?" I asked, for Dot was so seldom out of temper.
+
+"Angry, I believe you. He was in a towering rage; but he is all
+right now, so you need not go to him. I stroked him down, and praised
+him for his good intentions, and then I told him I was a doctor now,
+and no one contradicted my orders, and that he must be a good boy and
+let me help him to bed. Poor little fellow; he sobbed all the time he
+was undressing, he is so fond of father. I am afraid it will go badly
+with him if things turn out as I fear they will," and Allan's voice
+was very grave.
+
+We had a long talk after that, until Uncle Geoffrey came upstairs
+and dislodged us, by carrying Allan off. It was such a comfort to
+have him all to myself; we had been so much separated of late years.
+
+Allan was five years older than I; he was only a year younger than
+Fred, but the difference between them was very great. Allan looked
+the elder of the two; he was not so tall as Fred, but he was strongly
+built and sturdy; he was dark-complexioned, and his features were
+almost as irregular as mine; but in a man that did not so much
+matter, and very few people called Allan plain.
+
+Allan had always been my special brother--most sisters know what I
+mean by that term. Allan was undemonstrative; he seldom petted or
+made much of me, but a word from him was worth a hundred from Fred;
+and there was a quiet unspoken sympathy between us that was
+sufficiently palpable. If Allan wanted his gloves mended he always
+came to me, and not to Carrie. I was his chief correspondent, and he
+made me the confidante of his professional hopes and fears. In
+return, he good-humoredly interested himself in my studies, directed
+my reading, and considered himself at liberty to find fault with
+everything that did not please him. He was a little peremptory
+sometimes, but I did not mind that half so much as Fred's sarcasms;
+and he never distressed me as Fred did, by laughing at my large
+hands, or wondering why I was not so natty in my dress as Carrie.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+DOT.
+
+
+I went to my room to unpack my things, and by-and-by Carrie joined me.
+
+I half hoped that she meant to help me, but she sat down by the
+window and said, with a sigh, how tired she was; and certainly her
+eyes had a weary look.
+
+She watched me for some time in silence, but once or twice she
+sighed very heavily.
+
+"I wish you could leave those things, Esther," she said, at last,
+not pettishly--Carrie was never pettish--but a little too
+plaintively. "I have not had a creature to whom I could talk since
+you left home in April."
+
+The implied compliment was very nice, but I did not half like
+leaving my things--I was rather old-maidish in my ways, and never
+liked half measures; but I remembered reading once about "the lust of
+finishing," and what a test of unselfishness it was to put by a
+half-completed task cheerfully at the call of another duty. Perhaps it
+was my duty to leave my unpacking and listen to Carrie, but there was
+one little point in her speech that did not please me.
+
+"You could talk to mother," I objected; for mother always listened
+to one so nicely.
+
+"I tried it once, but mother did not understand," sighed Carrie. I
+used to wish she did not sigh so much. "We had quite an argument, but
+I saw it was no use--that I should never bring her to my way of
+thinking. She was brought up so differently; girls were allowed so
+little liberty then. My notions seemed to distress her. She said that
+I was peculiar, and that I carried things too far, and that she
+wished I were more like other girls; and then she kissed me, and said
+I was very good, and she did not mean to hurt me; but she thought
+home had the first claim; and so on. You know mother's way."
+
+"I think mother was right there--you think so yourself, do you not
+Carrie?" I asked anxiously, for this seemed to me the A B C of common
+sense.
+
+"Oh, of course," rather hastily. "Charity begins at home, but it
+ought not to stop there. If I chose to waste my time practicing for
+Fred's violin, and attending to all his thousand and one fads and
+fancies, what would become of all my parish work? You should have
+heard Mr. Arnold's sermon last Sunday, Esther; he spoke of the misery
+and poverty and ignorance that lay around us outside our homes, and
+of the loiterers and idlers within those homes." And Carrie's eyes
+looked sad and serious.
+
+"That is true," I returned, and then I stopped, and Jessie's words
+came to my mind, "Even Carrie makes mistakes at times." For the first
+time in my life the thought crossed me; in my absence would it not
+have been better for Carrie to have been a little more at home? It
+was Jessie's words and mother's careworn face that put the thought
+into my head; but the next moment I had dismissed it as heresy. My
+good, unselfish Carrie, it was impossible that she could make
+mistakes! Carrie's next speech chimed in well with my unspoken
+thoughts.
+
+"Home duties come first, of course, Esther--no one in their senses
+could deny such a thing; but we must be on our guard against make-
+believe duties. It is my duty to help mother by teaching Jack, and I
+give her two hours every morning; but when Fred comes into the
+schoolroom with some nonsensical request that would rob me of an hour
+or so, I am quite right not to give way to him. Do you think,"
+warming into enthusiasm over her subject, "that Fred's violin playing
+ought to stand in the way of any real work that will benefit souls as
+well as bodies--that will help to reclaim ignorance and teach
+virtue?" And Carrie's beautiful eyes grew dark and dewy with feeling.
+I wish mother could have seen her; something in her expression
+reminded me of a picture of Faith I had once seen.
+
+"Oh, Esther," she continued, for I was too moved to answer her,
+"every day I live I long to give myself more entirely to benefiting
+my fellow creatures. Girl as I am, I mean to join the grand army of
+workers--that is what Mr. Arnold called them. Oh, how I wish I could
+remember all he said! He told us not to be disheartened by petty
+difficulties, or to feel lonely because, perhaps, those who were our
+nearest and dearest discouraged our efforts or put obstacles in our
+way. 'You think you are alone,' he said, 'when you are one of the
+rank and file in that glorious battalion. There are thousands working
+with you and around you, although you cannot see them.' And then he
+exhorted us who were young to enter this crusade."
+
+"But, Carrie," I interrupted, somewhat mournfully, for I was tired
+and a little depressed, "I am afraid our work is already cut out for
+us, and we shall have to do it however little pleased we may be with
+the pattern. From what Uncle Geoffrey tells me, we shall be very
+poor."
+
+"I am not afraid of poverty, Esther."
+
+"But still you will be grieved to leave Combe Manor," I persisted.
+"Perhaps we shall have to live in a little pokey house somewhere, and
+to go out as governesses."
+
+"Perhaps so," she answered, serenely; "but I shall still find time
+for higher duties. I shall be a miser, and treasure all my minutes.
+But I have wasted nearly half-an-hour now; but it is such a luxury to
+talk to somebody who can understand." And then she kissed me
+affectionately and bade me hasten to bed, for it was getting late,
+and I looked sadly tired; but it never entered into her head to help
+me put away the clothes that strewed my room, though I was aching in
+every limb from grief and fatigue. If one looks up too much at the
+clouds one stumbles against rough stones sometimes. Star gazing is
+very sweet and elevating, but it is as well sometimes to pick up the
+homely flowers that grow round our feet. "What does Carrie mean by
+higher duties?" I grumbled, as I sought wearily to evoke order out of
+chaos. "To work for one's family is as much a duty as visiting the
+poor." I could not solve the problem; Carrie was too vague for me
+there; but I went to bed at last, and dreamed that we two were
+building houses on the seashore. Carrie's was the prettier, for it
+was all of sea-weed and bright-colored shells that looked as though
+the sun were shining on them, while mine was made of clay, tempered
+by mortar.
+
+"Oh, Carrie, I like yours best" I cried, disconsolately; yet as I
+spoke a long tidal wave came up and washed the frail building away.
+But though mine filled with foamy water, the rough walls remained
+entire, and then I looked at it again the receding wave had strewn
+its floors with small shining pearls.
+
+I must pass over the record of the next few days, for they were so
+sad--so sad, even now, I cannot think of them without tears. On the
+second day after my return, dear father had another attack, and
+before many hours were over we knew we were orphans.
+
+Two things stood out most prominently during that terrible week;
+dear mother's exceeding patience and Dot's despair. Mother gave us
+little trouble. She lay on her couch weeping silently, but no word of
+complaint or rebellion crossed her lips; she liked us to sit beside
+her and read her soothing passages of Scripture, and she was very
+thoughtful and full of pity for us all. Her health was never very
+good, and just now her strength had given way utterly. Uncle Geoffrey
+would not hear of her exerting herself, and, indeed, she looked so
+frail and broken that even Fred got alarmed about her.
+
+Carrie was her principal companion, for Dot took all my attention;
+and, indeed, it nearly broke our hearts to see him.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey had carried him from the room when father's last
+attack had come on. Jack was left in charge of him, and the rest of
+us were gathered in the sick room. I was the first to leave when all
+was over, for I thought of Dot and trembled; but as I opened the door
+there he was, crouched down in a little heap at the entrance, with
+Jack sobbing beside him.
+
+"I took away his crutch, but he crawled all the way on his hands and
+knees," whispered Jack; and then Allan came out and stood beside me.
+
+"Poor little fellow!" he muttered; and Dot lifted his miserable
+little white face, and held out his arms.
+
+"Take me in," he implored. "Father's dead, for I heard you all
+crying; but I must kiss him once more."
+
+"I don't think it will hurt him," observed Allan, in a low voice.
+"He will only imagine all sorts of horrors--and he looks so
+peaceful," motioning toward the closed door.
+
+"I will be so good," implored the poor child, "if you only take me
+in." And Allan, unable to resist any longer, lifted him in his arms.
+
+I did not go in, for I could not have borne it. Carrie told me
+afterward that Allan cried like a child when Dot nestled up to the
+dead face and began kissing and stroking it.
+
+"You are my own father, though you look so different," he whispered.
+"I wish you were not so cold. I wish you could look and speak to me
+--I am your little boy Dot--you were always so fond of Dot, father. Let
+me go with you; I don't want to live any longer without you," and so
+on, until Uncle Geoffrey made Allan take him away.
+
+Oh, how good Allan was to him! He lay down by his side all night,
+soothing him and talking to him, for Dot never slept. The next day we
+took turns to be with him, and so on day after day; but I think Dot
+liked Allan best.
+
+"He is most like father," he said once, which, perhaps, explained
+the preference; but then Allan had so much tact and gentleness. Fred
+did not understand him at all; he called him odd and uncanny, which
+displeased us both.
+
+One evening I had been reading to mother, and afterward I went up to
+Dot. He had been very feverish and had suffered much all day, and
+Allan had scarcely left him; but toward evening he had grown quieter.
+I found Jack beside him; they were making up garlands for the grave;
+it was Dot's only occupation just now.
+
+"Look here, Essie," he cried, eagerly. "Is not this a splendid
+wreath? We are making it all of pansies--they were father's favorite
+flowers. He always called them floral butterflies. Fancy a wreath of
+butterflies!" and Dot gave a weak little laugh. It was a very ghost
+of a laugh, but it was his first, and I hailed it joyfully. I praised
+the quaint stiff wreath. In its way it was picturesque. The rich hues
+of the pansies blended well--violet and gold; it was a pretty idea,
+laying heartsease on the breast that would never know anxiety again.
+
+"When I get better," continued Dot, "I am going to make such a
+beautiful little garden by dear father. Jack and I have been planning
+it. We are going to have rose-trees and lilies of the valley and
+sweet peas--father was so fond of sweet peas; and in the spring
+snowdrops and crocuses and violets. Allan says I may do it."
+
+"Yes, surely, Dot."
+
+"I wonder what father is doing now?" he exclaimed, suddenly, putting
+by the unfinished wreath a little wearily. "I think the worst of
+people dying is that we cannot find out what they are doing," and his
+eyes grew large and wistful. Alas! Dot, herein lies the sting of
+death--silence so insupportable and unbroken!
+
+"Shall I read you your favorite chapter?" I asked, softly; for every
+day Dot made us read to him the description of that City with its
+golden streets and gem-built walls; but he shook his head,
+
+"It glitters too much for my head to-night," he said, quaintly; "it
+is too bright and shining. I would rather think of dear father
+walking in those green pastures, with all the good people who have
+died. It must be very beautiful there, Esther. But I think father
+would be happier if I were with him."
+
+"Oh, Dot, no!" for the bare idea pained me; and I felt I must argue
+this notion away. "Allan and I could not spare you, or mother either;
+and there's Jack--what would poor Jack do without her playfellow?"
+
+"I don't feel I shall ever play again," said Dot, leaning his chin
+on his mites of hands and peering at us in his shrewd way. "Jack is a
+girl, and she cannot understand; but when one is only a Dot, and has
+an ugly crutch and a back that never leaves off aching, and a father
+that has gone to heaven, one does not care to be left behind."
+
+"But you are not thinking of us, Dot, and how unhappy it would make
+us to lose you too," I returned. And now the tears would come one by
+one; Dot saw them, and wiped them off with his sleeve.
+
+"Don't be silly, Esther," he said, in a coaxing little voice. "I am
+not going yet. Allan says I may live to be a man. He said so last
+night; and then he told me he was afraid we should be very poor; and
+that made me sorry, for I knew I should never be able to work, with
+my poor back."
+
+"But Allan and I will work for you, my darling," I exclaimed,
+throwing my arms round him; "only you must not leave us, Dot, even
+for father;" and as I said this I began to sob bitterly. I was
+terribly ashamed of myself when Allan came in and discovered me in
+the act; and there was Jack keeping me company, and frowning away her
+tears dreadfully.
+
+I thought Allan would have scolded us all round; but no, he did
+nothing of the kind. He patted Jack's wet cheeks and laughed at the
+hole in her handkerchief; and he then seated himself on the bed, and
+asked me very gently what was the matter with us all. Dot was
+spokesman: he stated the facts of the case rather lugubriously and in
+a slightly injured voice.
+
+"Esther is crying because she is selfish, and I am afraid I am
+selfish too."
+
+"Most likely," returned Allan, dryly; "it is a human failing. What
+is the case in point, Frankie?"
+
+Allan was the only one of us who ever called Dot by his proper name.
+
+"I should not mind growing up to be a man," replied Dot, fencing a
+little, "if I were big and strong like you," taking hold of the huge
+sinewy hand. "I could work then for mother and the girls; but now you
+will be always obliged to take care of me, and so--and so--" and here
+Dot's lips quivered a little, "I would rather go with dear father, if
+Esther would not cry about it so."
+
+"No, no, you must stay with us, Sonny," returned Allan, cheerily.
+"Esther and I are not going to give you up so easily. Why, look here,
+Frankie; I will tell you a secret. One of these days I mean to have a
+nice little house of my own, and Esther and you shall come and live
+with me, and I will go among my patients all the morning, and in the
+evening I shall come home very lazy and tired, and Esther shall fetch
+me my slippers and light the lamp, and I shall get my books, and you
+will have your drawing, and Esther will mend our clothes, and we
+shall be as cozy as possible."
+
+"Yes, yes," exclaimed Dot, clapping his hands. The snug picture had
+fascinated his childish fancy; Allan's fireside had obscured the
+lights of paradise. From this time this imaginary home of Allan's
+became his favorite castle in the air. When we were together he would
+often talk of it as though it were reality. We had planted the garden
+and furnished the parlor a dozen times over before the year was out;
+and so strong is a settled imagination that I am almost sure Dot
+believed that somewhere there existed the little white cottage with
+the porch covered with honeysuckle, and the low bay-window with the
+great pots of flowering plants, beside which Dot's couch was to stand.
+
+I don't think Jack enjoyed these talks so much as Dot and I did, as
+we made no room for her in our castle-building.
+
+"You must not live with us, Jack," Dot would say, very gravely; "you
+are only a girl, and we don't want girls"--what was I, I wonder?--
+"but you shall come and see us once a week, and Esther will give you
+brown bread and honey out of our beehives; for we had arranged there
+must be a row of beehives under a southern wall where peaches were to
+grow; and as for white lilies, we were to have dozens of them. Dear,
+dear, how harmless all these fancies were, and yet they kept us
+cheerful and warded off many an hour of depression from pain when
+Dot's back was bad. I remember one more thing that Allan said that
+night, when we were all better and more cheerful, for it was rather a
+grave speech for a young man; but then Allan had these fits of
+gravity.
+
+"Never mind thinking if you will grow up to be a man, Dot. Wishing
+won't help us to die an hour sooner, and the longest life must have
+an end some day. What we have to do is to take up our life, and do
+the best we can with it while it lasts, and to be kind and patient,
+and help one another. Most likely Esther and I will have to work hard
+enough all our lives--we shall work, and you may have to suffer; but
+we cannot do without you any more than you can do without us. There,
+Frankie!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+UNCLE GEOFFREY.
+
+
+The day after the funeral Uncle Geoffrey held a family council, at
+which we were all present, except mother and Dot; he preferred
+talking to her alone afterward.
+
+Oh, what changes! what incredible changes! We must leave Combe Manor
+at once. With the exception of a few hundred pounds that had been
+mother's portion, the only dowry that her good old father, a naval
+captain, had been able to give her, we were literally penniless. The
+boys were not able to help us much. Allan was only a house-surgeon in
+one of the London hospitals; and Fred, who called himself an artist,
+had never earned a penny. He was a fair copyist, and talked the
+ordinary art jargon, and went about all day in his brown velveteen
+coat, and wore his hair rather long; but we never saw much result
+from his Roman studies; latterly he had somewhat neglected his
+painting, and had taken to violin playing and musical composition.
+Uncle Geoffrey used to shake his head and say he was "Jack of all
+trades and master of none," which was not far from the mark. There
+was a great deal of talk between the three, before anything was
+settled.
+
+Fred was terribly aggravating to Uncle Geoffrey, I could see; but
+then he was so miserable, poor fellow; he would not look at things in
+their proper light, and he had a way with him as though he thought
+Uncle Geoffrey was putting upon him. The discussion grew very warm at
+last, for Allan sided with Uncle Geoffrey, and then Fred said every
+one was against him. It struck me Uncle Geoffrey pooh-poohed Fred's
+whim of being an artist; he wanted him to go into an office; there
+was a vacant berth he could secure by speaking to an old friend of
+his, who was in a China tea-house, a most respectable money-making
+firm, and Fred would have a salary at once, with good prospects of
+rising; but Fred passionately scouted the notion. He would rather
+enlist; he would drown, or hang himself sooner. There were no end of
+naughty things he said; only Carrie cried and begged him not to be so
+wicked, and that checked him.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey lost his patience at last, and very nearly told him
+he was an idiot, to his face; but Fred looked so handsome and
+miserable, that he relented; and at last it was arranged that Fred
+was to take a hundred pounds of mother's money--she would have given
+him the whole if she could, poor dear--and take cheap rooms in
+London, and try how he could get on by teaching drawing and taking
+copying orders.
+
+"Remember, Fred," continued Uncle Geoffrey, rather sternly, "you are
+taking a sixth part of your mother's entire income; all that she has
+for herself and these girls; if you squander it rashly, you will be
+robbing the widow and the fatherless. You have scouted my well-meant
+advice, and Allan's"--he went on--"and are marking out your own path
+in life very foolishly, as we think; remember, you have only yourself
+to blame, if you make that life a failure. Artists are of the same
+stuff as other men, and ought to be sober, steady, and persevering;
+without patience and effort you cannot succeed."
+
+"When my picture is accepted by the hanging committee, you and Allan
+will repent your sneers," answered Fred, bitterly.
+
+"We do not sneer, my boy," returned Uncle Geoffrey, more mildly--for
+he remembered Fred's father had only been dead a week--"we are only
+doubtful of the wisdom of your choice; but there, work hard at your
+daubs, and keep out of debt and bad company, and you may yet triumph
+over your cranky old uncle." And so the matter was amicably settled.
+
+Allan's arrangements were far more simple. He was to leave the
+hospital in another year, and become Uncle Geoffrey's assistant, with
+a view to partnership. It was not quite Allan's taste, a practice in
+a sleepy country town; but, as he remarked rather curtly, "beggars
+must not be choosers," and he would as soon work under Uncle Geoffrey
+as any other man. I think Allan was rather ambitious in his secret
+views. He wanted to remain longer at the hospital and get into a
+London practice; he would have liked to have been higher up the tree
+than Uncle Geoffrey, who was quite content with his quiet position at
+Milnthorpe. But the most astonishing part of the domestic programme
+was, that we were all going to live with Uncle Geoffrey. I could
+scarcely believe my ears when I heard it, and Carrie was just as
+surprised. Could any of us credit such unselfish generosity? He had
+not prepared us for it in the least.
+
+"Now, girls, you must just pack up your things, you, and the mother,
+and Dot; of course we must take Dot, and you must manage to shake
+yourselves down in the old house at Milnthorpe"--that is how he put
+it; "it is not so big as Combe Manor, and I daresay we shall be
+rather a tight fit when Allan comes; but the more the merrier, eh,
+Jack?"
+
+"Oh, Uncle Geoff, do you mean it?" gasped Jack, growing scarlet; but
+Carrie and I could not speak for surprise.
+
+"Mean it! Of course. What is the good of being a bachelor uncle, if
+one is not to be tyrannized over by an army of nephews and nieces? Do
+you think the plan will answer, Esther?" he said, rather more
+seriously.
+
+"If you and Deborah do not mind it, Uncle Geoffrey, I am sure it
+ought to answer; but we shall crowd you, and put you and Deborah to
+sad inconvenience, I am afraid;" for I was half afraid of Deborah,
+who had lived with Uncle Geoffrey for five-and-twenty years, and was
+used to her own ways, and not over fond of young people.
+
+"I shall not ask Deb's opinion," he answered, rather roguishly; "we
+must smooth her down afterward, eh, girls? Seriously, Allan, I think
+it is the best plan under the circumstances. I am not fond of being
+alone," and here Uncle Geoffrey gave a quick sigh. Poor Uncle Geoff!
+he had never meant to be an old bachelor, only She died while he was
+furnishing the old house at Milnthorpe, and he never could fix his
+mind on any one else.
+
+"I like young folks about me," he continued, cheerfully. "When I get
+old and rheumatic, I can keep Dot company, and Jack can wait on us
+both. Of course I am not a rich man, children, and we must all help
+to keep the kettle boiling; but the house is my own, and you can all
+shelter in it if you like; it will save house-rent and taxes, at any
+rate for the present."
+
+"Carrie and I will work," I replied, eagerly; for, though Uncle
+Geoffrey was not a poor man, he was very far from being rich, and he
+could not possibly afford to keep us all. A third of his income went
+to poor Aunt Prue, who had married foolishly, and was now a widow
+with a large family.
+
+Aunt Prue would have been penniless, only father and Uncle Geoff
+agreed to allow her a fixed maintenance. As Uncle Geoff explained to
+us afterward, she would now lose half her income.
+
+"There are eight children, and two or three of them are very
+delicate, and take after their father. I have been thinking about it
+all, Esther," he said, when Allan and I were alone with him, "and I
+have made up my mind that I must allow her another hundred a year.
+Poor soul, she works hard at that school-keeping of hers, and none of
+the children are old enough to help her except Lawrence, and he is
+going into a decline, the doctors say. I am afraid we shall have to
+pinch a bit, unless you and Carrie get some teaching."
+
+"Oh, Uncle Geoff, of course we shall work; and Jack, too, when she
+is old enough." Could he think we should be a burden on him, when we
+were all young and strong?
+
+I had forgotten poor Aunt Prue, who lived a long way off, and whom
+we saw but seldom. She was a pretty, subdued little woman, who always
+wore shabby black gowns; I never saw her in a good dress in my life.
+Well, we were as poor as Aunt Prue now, and I wondered if we should
+make such a gallant fight against misfortune as she did.
+
+We arranged matters after that--Allan and Uncle Geoff and I; for
+Carrie had gone to sit with mother, and Fred had strolled off
+somewhere. They wanted me to try my hand at housekeeping; at least,
+until mother was stronger and more able to bear things.
+
+"Carrie hates it, and you have a good head for accounts," Allan
+observed, quietly. It seemed rather strange that they should make me
+take the head, when Carrie was two years older, and a week ago I was
+only a schoolgirl; but I felt they were right, for I liked planning
+and contriving, and Carrie detested anything she called domestic
+drudgery.
+
+We considered ways and means after that. Uncle Geoffrey told us the
+exact amount of his income, He had always lived very comfortably, but
+when he had deducted the extra allowance for poor Aunt Prue, we saw
+clearly that there was not enough for so large a party; but at the
+first hint of this from Allan Uncle Geoffrey got quite warm and
+eager. Dear, generous Uncle Geoff! he was determined to share his
+last crust with his dead brother's widow and children.
+
+"Nonsense, fiddlesticks!" he kept on saying; "what do I want with
+luxuries? Ask Deborah if I care what I eat and drink; we shall do
+very well, if you and Esther are not so faint-hearted." And when we
+found out how our protests seemed to hurt him, we let him have his
+own way; only Allan and I exchanged looks, which said as plainly as
+looks could, "Is he not the best uncle that ever lived, and will we
+not work our hardest to help him?"
+
+I had a long talk with Carrie that night; she was very submissive
+and very sad, and seemed rather downhearted over things. She was
+quite as grateful for Uncle Geoff's generosity as we were, but I
+could see the notion of being a governess distressed her greatly. "I
+am very glad you will undertake the housekeeping, Esther," she said,
+rather plaintively; "it will leave me free for other things," and
+then she sighed very bitterly, and got up and left me. I was a little
+sorry that she did not tell me all that was in her mind, for, if we
+are "to bear each other's burdens," it is necessary to break down the
+reserve that keeps us out of even a sister's heart sometimes.
+
+But though Carrie left me to my own thoughts, I was not able to
+quiet myself for hours. If I had only Jessie to whom I could talk!
+and then it seemed to me as though it were months since we sat
+together in the garden of Redmayne House talking out our girlish
+philosophy.
+
+Only a fortnight ago, and yet how much had happened since then! What
+a revolution in our home-world! Dear father lying in his quiet grave;
+ourselves penniless orphans, obliged to leave Combe Manor, and
+indebted to our generous benefactor for the very roof that was to
+cover us and the food that we were to eat.
+
+Ah, well! I was only a schoolgirl, barely seventeen. No wonder I
+shrank back a little appalled from the responsibilities that awaited
+me. I was to be Uncle Geoff's housekeeper, his trusted right-hand and
+referee. I was to manage that formidable Deborah, and the stolid,
+broad-faced Martha; and there was mother so broken in health and
+spirits, and Dot, and Jack, with her hoidenish ways and torn frocks,
+and Allan miles away from me, and Carrie--well, I felt half afraid of
+Carrie to-night; she seemed meditating great things when I wanted her
+to compass daily duties. I hoped she would volunteer to go on with
+Jack's lessons and help with the mending, and I wondered with more
+forebodings what things she was planning for which I was to leave her
+free.
+
+All these things tired me, and I sat rather dismally in the
+moonlight looking out at the closed white lilies and the swaying
+branches of the limes, until a text suddenly flashed into my mind,
+"As thy day, so shall thy strength be." I lit my candle and opened my
+Bible, that I might read over the words for myself. Yes, there they
+were shining before my eyes, like "apples of gold in pictures of
+silver," refreshing and comforting my worn-out spirits. Strength
+promised for the day, but not beforehand, supplies of heavenly manna,
+not to be hoarded or put by; the daily measure, daily gathered.
+
+An old verse of Bishop Ken's came to my mind. Very quaint and rich
+in wisdom it was:
+
+  "Does each day upon its wing
+   Its appointed burden bring?
+   Load it not besides with sorrow
+   That belongeth to the morrow.
+   When by God the heart is riven,
+   Strength is promised, strength is given:
+   But fore-date the day of woe,
+   And alone thou bear'st the blow."
+
+When I had said this over to myself, I laid my head on the pillow
+and slept soundly.
+
+Mother and I had a nice little talk the next day. It was arranged
+that I was to go over to Milnthorpe with Uncle Geoffrey, who was
+obliged to return home somewhat hastily, in order to talk to Deborah
+and see what furniture would be required for the rooms that were
+placed at our disposal. As I was somewhat aghast at the amount of
+business entrusted to my inexperienced hands, Allan volunteered to
+help me, as Carrie could not be spared.
+
+We were to stay two or three days, make all the arrangements that
+were necessary, and then come back and prepare for the flitting. If
+Allan were beside me, I felt that I could accomplish wonders;
+nevertheless, I carried rather a harassed face into dear mother's
+dressing-room that morning.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how pale and tired you look!" were her first words as I
+came toward her couch. "Poor child, we are making you a woman before
+your time!" and her eyes filled with tears.
+
+"I am seventeen," I returned, with an odd little choke in my voice,
+for I could have cried with her readily at that moment. "That is
+quite a great age, mother; I feel terribly old, I assure you."
+
+"You are our dear, unselfish Esther," she returned, lovingly. Dear
+soul, she always thought the best of us all, and my heart swelled how
+proudly, and oh! how gratefully, when she told me in her sweet gentle
+way what a comfort I was to her.
+
+"You are so reliable, Esther," she went on, "that we all look to you
+as though you were older. You must be Uncle Geoffrey's favorite, I
+think, from the way he talks about you. Carrie is very sweet and good
+too, but she is not so practical."
+
+"Oh, mother, she is ever so much better than I!" I cried, for I
+could not bear the least disparagement of my darling Carrie. "Think
+how pretty she is, and how little she cares for dress and admiration.
+If I were like that," I added, flushing a little over my words, "I'm
+afraid I should be terribly vain."
+
+Mother smiled a little at that.
+
+"Be thankful then that you are saved that temptation." And then she
+stroked my hot cheek and went on softly: "Don't think so much about
+your looks, child; plain women are just as vain as pretty ones. Not
+that you are plain, Esther, in my eyes, or in the eyes of any one who
+loves you." But even that did not quite comfort me, for in my secret
+heart my want of beauty troubled me sadly. There, I have owned the
+worst of myself--it is out now.
+
+We talked for a long time after that about the new life that lay
+before us, and again I marveled at mother's patience and submission;
+but when I told her so she only hid her face and wept.
+
+"What does it matter?" she said, at last, when she had recovered
+herself a little. "No home can be quite a home to me now without him.
+If I could live within sight of his grave, I should be thankful; but
+Combe Manor and Milnthrope are the same to me now." And though these
+words struck me as strange at first, I understood afterward; for in
+the void and waste of her widowed life no outer change of
+circumstances seemed to disturb her, except for our sakes and for us.
+
+She seemed to feel Uncle Geoffrey's kindness as a sort of stay and
+source of endless comfort. "Such goodness--such unselfishness!" she
+kept murmuring to herself; and then she wanted to hear all that Allan
+and I proposed.
+
+"How I wish I could get strong and help you," she said, wistfully,
+when I had finished. "With all that teaching and housekeeping, I am
+afraid you will overtax your strength."
+
+"Oh, no, Carrie will help me," I returned, confidently. "Uncle
+Geoffrey is going to speak to some of his patients about us. He
+rather thinks those Thornes who live opposite to him want a
+governess."
+
+"That will be nice and handy, and save you a walk," she returned,
+brightening up at the notion that one of us would be so near her; but
+though I would not have hinted at such a thing, I should rather have
+enjoyed the daily walk. I was fond of fresh air, and exercise, and
+rushing about, after the manner of girls, and it seemed rather tame
+and monotonous just to cross the street to one's work; but I
+remembered Allan's favorite speech, "Beggars must not be choosers,"
+and held my peace.
+
+On the whole, I felt somewhat comforted by my talk with mother. If
+she and Uncle Geoffrey thought so well of me, I must try and live up
+to their good opinion. There is nothing so good as to fix a high
+standard for one's self. True, we may never reach it, never satisfy
+ourselves, but the continued effort strengthens and elevates us.
+
+I went into Carrie's room to tell her about the Thornes, and lay our
+plans together, but she was reading Thomas a Kempis, and did not seem
+inclined to be disturbed, so I retreated somewhat discomforted.
+
+But I forgot my disappointment a moment afterward, when I went into
+the schoolroom and found Dot fractious and weary, and Jack vainly
+trying to amuse him. Allan was busy, and the two children had passed
+a solitary morning.
+
+"Dot wanted Carrie to read to him, but she said she was too tired,
+and I could do it," grumbled Jack, disconsolately.
+
+"I don't like Jack's reading; it is too jerky, and her voice is too
+loud," returned Dot; but his countenance smoothed when I got the book
+and read to him, and soon he fell into a sound sleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+THE OLD HOUSE AT MILNTHORPE.
+
+
+The following afternoon Uncle Geoffrey, Allan, and I, started for
+Milnthorpe. Youthful grief is addicted to restlessness--it is only
+the old who can sit so silently and weep; it was perfectly natural,
+then, that I should hail a few days' change with feelings of relief.
+
+It was rather late in the evening when we arrived. As we drove
+through the market place there was the usual group of idlers
+loitering on the steps of the Red Lion, who stared at us lazily as we
+passed. Milnthorpe was an odd, primitive little place--the sunniest
+and sleepiest of country towns. It had a steep, straggling
+Highstreet, which ended in a wide, deserted-looking square, which
+rather reminded one of the Place in some Continental town. The weekly
+markets were held here, on which occasion the large white portico of
+the Red Lion was never empty. Milnthorpe woke with brief spasms of
+life on Monday morning; broad-shouldered men jostled each other on
+the grass-grown pavements; large country wagons, sweet-smelling in
+haymaking seasons, blocked up the central spaces; country women, with
+gay-colored handkerchiefs, sold eggs, and butter, and poultry In the
+square; and two or three farmers, with their dogs at their heels,
+lingered under the windows of the Red Lion, fingering the samples in
+their pockets, and exchanging dismal prognostications concerning the
+crops and the weather. One side of the square was occupied by St.
+Barnabas, with its pretty shaded churchyard and old gray vicarage. On
+the opposite side was the handsome red brick house occupied by Mr.
+Lucas, the banker, and two or three other houses, more or less
+pretentious, inhabited by the gentry of Milnthorpe.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey lived at the lower end of the High street. It was a
+tall, narrow house, with old-fashioned windows and wire blinds. These
+blinds, which were my detestation, were absolutely necessary, as the
+street door opened directly on the street. There was one smooth, long
+step, and that was all. It had rather a dull outside look, but the
+moment one entered the narrow wainscoted hall, there was a cheery
+vista of green lawn and neatly graveled paths through the glass door.
+
+The garden was the delight of Uncle Geoffrey's heart. It was
+somewhat narrow, to match the house; but in the center of the lawn,
+there was a glorious mulberry tree, the joy of us children. Behind
+was a wonderful intricacy of slim, oddly-shaped flower-beds,
+intersected by miniature walks, where two people could with
+difficulty walk abreast; and beyond this lay a tolerable kitchen
+garden, where Deborah grew cabbages and all sorts of homely herbs,
+and where tiny pink roses and sturdy sweet-williams blossomed among
+the gooseberry bushes.
+
+On one side of the house were two roomy parlors, divided by folding
+doors. We never called them anything but parlors, for the shabby
+wainscoted walls and old-fashioned furniture forbade any similitude
+to the modern drawing-room.
+
+On the other side of the hall was Uncle Geoffrey's study--a somewhat
+grim, dingy apartment, with brown shelves full of ponderous tomes, a
+pipe-rack filled with fantastic pipes, deep old cupboards full of
+hetereogeneous rubbish, and wide easy-chairs that one could hardly
+lift, one of which was always occupied by Jumbles, Uncle Geoffrey's
+dog.
+
+Jumbles was a great favorite with us all. He was a solemn, wise
+-looking dog of the terrier breed, indeed, I believe Uncle Geoff
+called him a Dandy Dinmont--blue-gray in color, with a great head,
+and deep-set intelligent eyes. It was Uncle Geoffrey's opinion that
+Jumbles understood all one said to him. He would sit with his head
+slightly on one side, thumping his tail against the floor, with a
+sort of glimmer of fun in his eyes, as though he comprehended our
+conversation, and interposed a "Hear, hear!" and when he had had
+enough of it, and we were growing prosy, he would turn over on his
+back with an expression of abject weariness, as though canine
+reticence objected to human garrulity.
+
+Jumbles was a rare old philosopher--a sort of four-footed Diogenes.
+He was discerning in his friendships, somewhat aggressive and
+splenetic to his equals; intolerant of cats, whom he hunted like
+vermin, and rather disdainfully condescending to the small dogs of
+Milnthorpe. Jumbles always accompanied Uncle Geoffrey in his rounds.
+He used to take his place in the gig with undeviating punctuality;
+nothing induced him to desert his post when the night-bell rang. He
+would rouse up from his sleep, and go out in the coldest weather. We
+used to hear his deep bark under the window as they sallied out in
+the midnight gloom.
+
+The morning after we arrived, Allan and I made a tour of inspection
+through the house. There were only three rooms on the first floor--
+Uncle Geoffrey's, with its huge four-post bed; a large front room,
+that we both decided would just do for mother; and a smaller one at
+the back, that, after a few minutes' deliberation, I allotted to
+Carrie.
+
+It caused me an envious pang or two before I yielded it, for I knew
+I must share a large upper room with Jack; the little room behind it
+must be for Dot, and the larger one would by-and-by be Allan's. I
+confess my heart sank a little when I thought of Jack's noisiness and
+thriftless ways; but when I remembered how fond she was of good
+books, and the great red-leaved diary that lay on her little table, I
+thought it better that Carrie should have a quiet corner to herself,
+and then she would be near mother.
+
+If only Jack could be taught to hold her tongue sometimes, and keep
+her drawers in order, instead of strewing her room with muddy boots
+and odd items of attire! Well, perhaps it might be my mission to
+train Jack to more orderly habits. I would set her a good example,
+and coax her to follow it. She was good-tempered and affectionate,
+and perhaps I should find her sufficiently pliable. I was so lost in
+these anxious thoughts that Allan had left me unperceived. I found
+him in the back parlor, seated on the table, and looking about him
+rather gloomily.
+
+"I say, Esther!" he called out, as soon as he caught sight of me, "I
+am afraid mother and Carrie will find this rather shabby after the
+dear old rooms at Combe Manor. Could we not furbish it up a little?"
+And Allan looked discontentedly at the ugly curtains and little,
+straight horse-hair sofa. Everything had grown rather shabby, only
+Uncle Geoffrey had not found it out.
+
+"Oh, of course!" I exclaimed, joyfully, for all sorts of brilliant
+thoughts had come to me while I tossed rather wakefully in the early
+morning hours. "Don't you know, Allan, that Uncle Geoffrey has
+decided to send mother and Carrie and Dot down to the sea for a week,
+while you and I and Jack make things comfortable for them? Now, why
+should we not help ourselves to the best of the furniture at Combe
+Manor, and make Uncle Geoff turn out all these ugly things? We might
+have our pretty carpet from the drawing-room, and the curtains, and
+mother's couch, and some of the easy-chairs, and the dear little
+carved cabinet with our purple china; it need not all be sold when we
+want it so badly for mother."
+
+Allan was so delighted at the idea that we propounded our views to
+Uncle Geoffrey at dinner-time; but he did not see the thing quite in
+our light.
+
+"Of course you will need furniture for the bedrooms," he returned,
+rather dubiously; "but I wanted to sell the rest of the things that
+were not absolutely needed, and invest the money."
+
+But this sensible view of the matter did not please me or Allan. We
+had a long argument, which ended in a compromise--the question of
+carpets might rest. Uncle Geoffrey's was a good Brussels, although it
+was dingy; but I might retain, if I liked, the pretty striped
+curtains from our drawing-room at Combe Manor, and mother's couch,
+and a few of the easy-chairs, and the little cabinet with the purple
+china; and then there was mother's inlaid work-table, and Carrie's
+davenport, and books belonging to both of us, and a little gilt clock
+that father had given mother on her last wedding-day--all these
+things would make an entire renovation in the shabby parlors.
+
+I was quite excited by all these arrangements; but an interview with
+Deborah soon cooled my ardor.
+
+Allan and Jumbles had gone out with Uncle Geoffrey, and I was
+sitting at the window looking over the lawn and the mulberry tree,
+when a sudden tap at the door startled me from my reverie. Of course
+it was Deborah; no one else's knuckles sounded as though they were
+iron. Deborah was a tall, angular woman, very spare and erect of
+figure, with a severe cast of countenance, and heavy black curls
+pinned up under her net cap; her print dresses were always starched
+until they crackled, and on Sunday her black silk dress rustled as I
+never heard any silk dress rustle before.
+
+"Yes, Deborah, what is it?" I asked, half-frightened; for surely my
+hour had come. Deborah was standing so very erect, with the basket of
+keys in her hands, and her mouth drawn down at the corners.
+
+"Master said this morning," began Deborah, grimly, "as how there was
+a new family coming to live here, and that I was to go to Miss Esther
+for orders. Five-and-twenty years have I cooked master's dinners for
+him, and received his orders, and never had a word of complaint from
+his lips, and now he is putting a mistress over me and Martha."
+
+"Oh, Deborah," I faltered, and then I came to a full stop; for was
+it not trying to a woman of her age and disposition, used to Uncle
+Geoffrey's bachelor ways, to have a houseful of young people turned
+on her hands? She and Martha would have to work harder, and they were
+both getting old. I felt so much for her that the tears came into my
+eyes, and my voice trembled.
+
+"It is hard!" I burst out; "it is very hard for you and Martha to
+have your quiet life disturbed. But how could we help coming here,
+when we had no home and no money, and Uncle Geoffrey was so generous?
+And then there was Dot and mother so ailing." And at the thought of
+all our helplessness, and Uncle Geoffrey's goodness a great tear
+rolled down my cheek. It was very babyish and undignified; but, after
+all, no assumption of womanliness would have helped me so much.
+Deborah's grim mouth relaxed; under her severe exterior, and with her
+sharp tongue, there beat a very kind heart, and Dot was her weak
+point.
+
+"Well, well, crying won't help the pot to boil, Miss Esther!" she
+said, brusquely enough; but I could see she was coming round. "Master
+was always that kind-hearted that he would have sheltered the whole
+parish if he could. I am not blaming him, though it goes hard with
+Martha and me, who have led peaceable, orderly lives, and never had a
+mistress or thought of one since Miss Blake died, and the master took
+up thoughts of single blessedness in earnest."
+
+"What sort of woman was Miss Blake?" I asked, eagerly, forgetting my
+few troubled tears at the thought of Uncle Geoffrey's one romance.
+The romance of middle-aged people always came with a faint, far-away
+odor to us young ones, like some old garment laid up in rose-leaves
+or lavender, which must needs be of quaint fashion and material, but
+doubtless precious in the eyes of the wearer.
+
+"Woman!" returned Deborah, with an angry snort; "she was a lady, if
+there ever was one. We don't see her sort every day, I can tell you
+that, Miss Esther; a pretty-spoken, dainty creature, with long fair
+curls, that one longed to twine round one's fingers."
+
+"She was pretty, then?" I hazarded more timidly.
+
+"Pretty! she was downright beautiful. Miss Carrie reminds me of her
+sometimes, but she is not near so handsome as poor Miss Rose. She
+used to come here sometimes with her mother, and she and master would
+sit under that mulberry tree. I can see her now walking over the
+grass in her white gown, with some apple blossoms in her hand,
+talking and laughing with him. It was a sad day when she lay in the
+fever, and did not know him, for all his calling to her 'Rose! Rose!'
+I was with her when she died, and I thought he would never hold up
+his head again."
+
+"Poor Uncle Geoffrey! But he is cheerful and contented now."
+
+"But there, I must not stand gossiping," continued Deborah,
+interrupting herself. "I have only brought you the keys, and wish to
+know what preserve you and Mr. Allan might favor for tea."
+
+But here I caught hold, not of the key-basket, but of the hard, work-worn
+hand that held it.
+
+"Oh, Deborah! do be good to us!" I broke out: "we will trouble you
+and Martha as little as possible, and we are all going to put our
+shoulders to the wheel and help ourselves; and we have no home but
+this, and no one to take care of us but Uncle Geoffrey."
+
+"I don't know but I will make some girdle cakes for tea," returned
+Deborah, in the most imperturbable voice; and she turned herself
+round abruptly, and walked out of the room without another word. But
+I was quite well satisfied and triumphant. When Deborah baked girdle
+cakes, she meant the warmest of welcomes, and no end of honor to
+Uncle Geoffrey's guests.
+
+"Humph! girdle cakes!" observed Uncle Geoffrey, with a smile, as he
+regarded them. "Deb is in a first-rate humor, then. You have played
+your cards well, old lady," and his eyes twinkled merrily.
+
+I went into the kitchen after tea, and had another long talk with
+Deborah. Dear old kitchen! How many happy hours we children had spent
+in it! It was very low and dark, and its two windows looked out on
+the stable-yard; but in the evening, when the fire burned clear and
+the blinds were drawn, it was a pleasant place. Deborah and Martha
+used to sit in the brown Windsor chairs knitting, with Puff, the
+great tabby cat, beside them, and the firelight would play on the red
+brick floor and snug crimson curtains.
+
+Deborah and I had a grand talk that night. She was a trifle
+obstinate and dogmatical, but we got on fairly well. To do her
+justice, her chief care seemed to be that her master should not be
+interfered with in any of his ways. "He will work harder than ever,"
+she groaned, "now there are all these mouths to feed. He and Jumbles
+will be fairly worn out."
+
+But our talk contented me. I had enlisted Deborah's sympathies on
+our side. I felt the battle was over. I was only a "bit thing" as
+Deborah herself called me, and I was tolerably tired when I went up
+to my room that night.
+
+Not that I felt inclined for sleep. Oh dear no! I just dragged the
+big easy-chair to the window, and sat there listening to the patter
+of summer rain on the leaves.
+
+It was very dark, for the moon had hidden her face; but through the
+cool dampness there crept a delicious fragrance of wet jasmine and
+lilies. I wanted to have a good "think;" not to sit down and take
+myself to pieces. Oh no, that was Carrie's way. Such introspection
+bored me and did me little good, for it only made me think more of
+myself and less of the Master; but I wanted to review the past
+fortnight, and look the future in the face. Foolish Esther! As though
+we can look at a veiled face. Only the past and the present is ours;
+the future is hidden with God.
+
+Yes, a fortnight ago I was a merry, heedless schoolgirl, with no
+responsibilities and few duties, except that laborious one of
+self-improvement, which must go on, under some form or other, until
+we die. And now, on my shrinking shoulders lay the weight of a woman's
+work. I was to teach others, when I knew so little myself; it was I
+who was to have the largest share of home administration--I, who was
+so faulty, so imperfect.
+
+Then I remembered a sentence Carrie had once read to me out of one
+of her innumerable books, and which had struck me very greatly at the
+time.
+
+"Happy should I think myself," said St. Francis de Sales, "if I
+could rid myself of my imperfections but one quarter of an hour
+previous to my death."
+
+Well, if a saint could say that, why should I lose heart thinking
+about my faults? What was the good of stirring up muddy water to try
+and see one's own miserable reflection, when one could look up into
+the serene blue of Divine Providence? If I had faults--and, alas! how
+many they were--I must try to remedy them; if I slipped, I must pray
+for strength to rise again.
+
+Courage, Esther! "Little by little," as Uncle Geoffrey says; "small
+beginnings make great endings." And when I had cheered myself with
+these words I went tranquilly to bed.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+THE FLITTING.
+
+
+So the old Combe Manor days were over, and with them the girlhood of
+Esther Cameron.
+
+Ah me! it was sad to say good-by to the dear old home of our
+childhood; to go round to our haunts, one by one, and look our
+last at every cherished nook and corner; to bid farewell to our
+four-footed pets, Dapple and Cherry and Brindle, and the dear little
+spotted calves; to caress our favorite pigeons for the last time, and
+to feed the greedy old turkey-cock, who had been the terror of our
+younger days. It was well, perhaps, that we were too busy for a
+prolonged leave-taking. Fred had gone to London, and his handsome
+lugubrious face no longer overlooked us as we packed books and china.
+Carrie and mother and Dot were cozily established in the little
+sea-side lodging, and only Allan, Jack, and I sat down to our meals
+in the dismantled rooms.
+
+It was hard work trying to keep cheerful, when Allan left off
+whistling, as he hammered at the heavy cases, and when Jack was
+discovered sobbing in odd corners, with Smudge in her arms--of course
+Smudge would accompany us to Milnthorpe; no one could imagine Jack
+without her favorite sable attendant, and then Dot was devoted to
+him. Jack used to come to us with piteous pleadings to take first one
+and then another of her pets; now it was the lame chicken she had
+nursed in a little basket by the kitchen fire, then a pair of guinea
+pigs that belonged to Dot, and some carrier pigeons that they
+specially fancied; after that, she was bent on the removal of a young
+family of hedgehogs, and some kittens that had been discovered in the
+hay-loft, belonging to the stable cat.
+
+We made a compromise at last, and entrusted to her care Carrie's
+tame canaries, and a cage of dormice that belonged to Dot, in whose
+fate Smudge look a vast amount of interest, though he never ventured
+to look at the canaries. The care of these interesting captives was
+consolatory to Jack, though she rained tears over them in secret, and
+was overheard by Allan telling them between her sobs that "they were
+all going to live in a little pokey house, without chickens or cows,
+or anything that would make life pleasant, and that she and they must
+never expect to be happy again." Ah, well! the longest day must have
+an end, and by-and-by the evening came when we turned away from dear
+old Combe Manor forever.
+
+It was far more cheerful work fitting up the new rooms at
+Milnthorpe, with Deborah's strong arms to help, and Uncle Geoffrey
+standing by to encourage our efforts; even Jack plucked up heart
+then, and hung up the canaries, and hid away the dormice out of
+Smudge's and Jumbles' reach, and consented to stretch her long legs
+in our behalf. Allan and I thought we had done wonders when all was
+finished, and even Deborah gave an approving word.
+
+"I think mother and Carrie will be pleased," I said, as I put some
+finishing touches to the tea-table on the evening we expected them.
+Allan had gone to the station to meet them, and only Uncle Geoffrey
+was my auditor. There was a great bowl of roses on the table, great
+crimson-hearted, delicious roses, and a basket of nectarines, that
+some patient had sent to Uncle Geoffrey. The parlors looked very
+pretty and snug; we had arranged our books on the shelves, and had
+hung up two or three choice engravings, and there was the gleam of
+purple and gold china from the dark oak cabinet, and by the garden
+window there were mother's little blue couch and her table and
+workbox, and Carrie's davenport, and an inviting easy-chair. The new
+curtains looked so well, too. No wonder Uncle Geoffrey declared that
+he did not recognize his old room.
+
+"I am sure they will be pleased," I repeated, as I moved the
+old-fashioned glass dish full of our delicious Combe Manor honey;
+but Uncle Geoffrey did not answer; he was listening to some wheels
+in the distance.
+
+"There they are," he said, snatching up his felt wide-awake. "Don't
+expect your mother to notice much to-night, Esther; poor thing, this
+is a sad coming home to her."
+
+I need not have worked so hard; that was my first thought when I saw
+mother's face as she entered the room. She was trembling like a leaf,
+and her face was all puckered and drawn, as I kissed her; but Uncle
+Geoffrey would not let her sit down or look at anything.
+
+"No, no, you shall not make efforts for us to-night," he said,
+patting her as though she were a child. "Take your mother upstairs,
+children, and let her have quiet! do you hear, nothing but quiet
+to-night." And then Allan drew her arm through his.
+
+I cried shame on myself for a selfish, disappointed pang, as I
+followed them. Of course Uncle Geoffrey was right and wise, as he
+always was, and I was still more ashamed of myself when I entered the
+room and found mother crying as though her heart would break, and
+clinging to Allan.
+
+"Oh, children, children! how can I live without your father?" she
+exclaimed, hysterically. Well, it was wise of Allan, for he let that
+pass and never said a word; he only helped me remove the heavy
+widow's bonnet and cloak, and moved the big chintz couch nearer to
+the window, and then he told me to be quick and bring her some tea;
+and when I returned he was sitting by her, fanning and talking to her
+in his pleasant boyish way; and though the tears were still flowing
+down her pale cheeks she sobbed less convulsively.
+
+"You have both been so good, and worked so hard, and I cannot thank
+you," she whispered, taking my hand, as I stood near her.
+
+"Esther does not want to be thanked," returned Allan, sturdily. "Now
+you will take your tea, won't you, mother? and by-and-by one of the
+girls shall come and sit with you."
+
+"Are we to go down and leave her?" I observed, dubiously, as Allan
+rose from his seat.
+
+"Yes, go, both of you, I shall be better alone; Allan knows that,"
+with a grateful glance as I reluctantly obeyed her. I was too young
+to understand the healing effects of quiet and silence in a great
+grief; to me the thought of such loneliness was dreadful, until,
+later on, she explained the whole matter.
+
+"I am never less alone than when I am alone," she said once, very
+simply to me. "I have the remembrance of your dear father and his
+words and looks ever before me, and God is so near--one feels that
+most when one is solitary." And her words remained with me long
+afterward.
+
+It was not such a very sad evening, after all. The sea air had done
+Dot good, and he was in better spirits; and then Carrie was so good
+and sweet, and so pleased with everything.
+
+"How kind of you, Esther," she said, with tears in her eyes, as I
+led her into her little bedroom. "I hardly dared hope for this, and
+so near dear mother." Well, it was very tiny, but very pretty, too.
+Carrie had her own little bed, in which she had slept from a child,
+and the evening sun streamed full on it, and a pleasant smell of
+white jasmine pervaded it; part of the window was framed with the
+delicate tendrils and tiny buds; and there was her little prayer-desk,
+with its shelf of devotional books, and her little round table
+and easy-chair standing just as it used; only, if one looked out of
+the window, instead of the belt of green circling meadows, dotted
+over by grazing cattle there was the lawn and the mulberry tree--a
+little narrow and homely, but still pleasant.
+
+Carrie's eyes looked very vague and misty when I left her and went
+down to Dot. Allan had put him to bed, but he would not hear of going
+to sleep; he had his dormice beside him, and Jumbles was curled up at
+the foot of the bed; he wanted to show me his seaweed and shells, and
+tell me about the sea.
+
+"I can't get it out of my head, Essie," he said, sitting up among
+his pillows and looking very wide-awake and excited. "I used to fall
+asleep listening to the long wash and roll of the waves, and in the
+morning there it was again. Don't you love the sea?"
+
+"Yes, dearly, Dot; and so does Allan."
+
+"It reminded me of the "Pilgrim's Progress"--just the last part.
+Don't you remember the river that every one was obliged to cross?
+Carrie told me it meant death." I nodded; Dot did not always need an
+answer to his childish fancies, he used to like to tell them all out
+to Allan and me. "One night," he went on, "my back was bad, and I
+could not sleep, and Carrie made me up a nest of pillows in a big
+chair by the window, and we sat there ever so long after mother was
+fast asleep.
+
+"It was so light--almost as light as day--and there were all sorts
+of sparkles over the water, as though it were shaking out tiny stars
+in play; and there was one broad golden path--oh! it was so beautiful
+--and then I thought of Christian and Christiana, and Mr. Ready-to-halt,
+and father, and they all crossed the river, you know."
+
+"Yes, Dot," I whispered. And then I repeated softly the well-known
+verse we had so often sung:
+
+  "One army of the living God,
+     To His command we bow;
+   Part of the host have crossed the flood,
+     And part are crossing now."
+
+"Yes, yes," he repeated, eagerly; "it seemed as though I could see
+father walking down the long golden path; it shone so, he could not
+have missed his way or fallen into the dark waters. Carrie told me
+that by-and-by there would be "no more sea," somehow; I was sorry for
+that--aren't you, Essie?"
+
+"Oh, no, don't be sorry," I burst out, for I had often talked about
+this with Carrie. "It is beautiful, but it is too shifting, too
+treacherous, too changeable, to belong to the higher life. Think of
+all the cruel wrecks, of all the drowned people it has swallowed up
+in its rage; it devours men and women, and little children, Dot, and
+hides its mischief with a smile. Oh, no, it is false in its beauty,
+and there shall be an end of it, with all that is not true and
+perfect."
+
+And when Dot had fallen asleep, I went down to Uncle Geoffrey and
+repeated our conversation, to which he listened with a great deal of
+interest.
+
+"You are perfectly right, Esther," he said, thoughtfully; "but I
+think there is another meaning involved in the words 'There shall be
+no more sea.'"
+
+"The sea divides us often from those we love," he went on musingly;
+"it is our great earthly barrier. In that perfected life that lies
+before us there can be no barrier, no division, no separating
+boundaries. In the new earth there will be no fierce torrents or
+engulfing ocean, no restless moaning of waves. Do you not see this?"
+
+"Yes, indeed, Uncle Geoffrey;" but all the same I thought in my own
+mind that it was a pretty fancy of the child's, thinking that he saw
+father walking across the moonlight sea. No, he could not have fallen
+in the dark water, no fear of that, Dot, when the angel of His mercy
+would hold him by the hand; and then I remembered a certain lake and
+a solemn figure walking quietly on its watery floor, and the words,
+"It is I, be not afraid," that have comforted many a dying heart!
+
+Allan had to leave us the next day, and go back to his work; it was
+a pity, as his mere presence, the very sound of his bright, young
+voice, seemed to rouse mother and do her good. As for me, I knew when
+Allan went some of the sunshine would go with him, and the world
+would have a dull, work-a-day look. I tried to tell him so as we took
+our last walk together. There was a little lane just by Uncle
+Geoffrey's house; you turned right into it from the High street, and
+it led into the country, within half a mile of the house. There were
+some haystacks and a farmyard, a place that went by the name of
+Grubbings' Farm; the soft litter of straw tempted us to sit down for
+a little, and listen to the quiet lowing of the cattle as they came
+up from their pasture to be milked.
+
+"It reminds me of Combe Manor," I said, and there was something wet
+on my cheek as I spoke; "and oh, Allan! how I shall miss you to-morrow,"
+and I touched his coat sleeve furtively, for Allan was not
+one to love demonstration. But, to my surprise, he gave me a kind
+little pat.
+
+"Not more than I shall miss you," he returned, cheerily. "We always
+get along well, you and I, don't we, little woman?" And as I nodded
+my head, for something seemed to impede my utterance at that moment,
+he went on more seriously, "You have a tough piece of work before
+you, Esther, you and Carrie; you will have to put your Combe Manor
+pride in your pockets, and summon up all your Cameron strength of
+mind before you learn to submit to the will of strangers.
+
+"Our poor, pretty Carrie," he continued, regretfully; "the little
+saint, as Uncle Geoffrey used to call her. I am afraid her work will
+not be quite to her mind, but you must smoothe her way as much as
+possible; but there, I won't preach on my last evening; let me have
+your plans instead, my dear."
+
+But I had no plans to tell him, and so we drifted by degrees into
+Allan's own work; and as he told me about the hospital and his
+student friends, and the great bustling world in which we lived, I
+forgot my own cares. If I had not much of a life of my own to lead, I
+could still live in his.
+
+The pleasure of this talk lingered long in my memory; it was so nice
+to feel that Allan and I understood each other so well and had no
+divided interests; it always seems to me that a sister ought to dwell
+in the heart of a brother and keep it warm for that other and sacred
+love that must come by-and-by; not that the wife need drive the
+sister into outer darkness, but that there must be a humbler abiding
+in the outer court, perchance a little guest-chamber on the wall; the
+nearer and more royal abode must be for the elected woman among women.
+
+There is too little giving up and coming down in this world, too
+much jealous assertion of right, too little yielding of the scepter
+in love. It may be hard--God knows it is hard, to our poor human
+nature, for some cherished sister to stand a little aside while
+another takes possession of the goodly mansion, yet if she be wise
+and bend gently to the new influence, there will be a "come up
+higher," long before the dregs of the feast are reached. Old bonds
+are not easily broken, early days have a sweetness of their own;
+by-and-by the sister will find her place ready for her, and welcoming
+hands stretched out without grudging.
+
+The next morning I rose early to see Allan off Just at the last
+moment Carrie came down in her pretty white wrapper to bid him
+good-by. Allan was strapping up his portmanteau in the hall, and
+shook his head at her in comic disapproval. "Fie, what pale cheeks,
+Miss Carrie! One would think you had been burning the midnight oil."
+I wonder if Allan's jesting words approached the truth, for Carrie's
+face flushed suddenly, and she did not answer.
+
+Allan did not seem to notice her confusion. He bade us both good-by
+very affectionately, and told us to be good girls and take care of
+ourselves, and then in a moment he was gone.
+
+Breakfast was rather a miserable business after that; I was glad
+Uncle Geoffrey read his paper so industriously and did not peep
+behind the urn. Dot did, and slipped a hot little hand in mine, in an
+old-fashioned sympathizing way. Carrie, who was sitting in her usual
+dreamy, abstracted way, suddenly startled us all by addressing Uncle
+Geoffrey rather abruptly.
+
+"Uncle Geoffrey, don't you think either Esther or I ought to go over
+to the Thornes? They want a governess, you know."
+
+"Eh, what?" returned Uncle Geoffrey, a little disturbed at the
+interruption in the middle of the leading article. "The Thornes? Oh,
+yes, somebody was saying something to me the other day about them;
+what was it?" And he rubbed his hair a little irritably.
+
+"We need not trouble Uncle Geoffrey," I put in, softly; "you and I
+can go across before mother comes down. I must speak to Deborah, and
+then I meant to hear Jack's lessons, but they can wait."
+
+"Very well," returned Carrie, nonchalantly; and then she added, in
+her composed, elder sisterly way, "I may as well tell you, Esther,
+that I mean to apply for the place myself; it will be so handy, the
+house being just opposite; far more convenient than if I had a longer
+walk."
+
+"Very well," was my response, but I could not help feeling a little
+relief at her decision; the absence of any walk was an evil in my
+eyes. The Thornes' windows looked into ours; already I had had a
+sufficient glimpse of three rather untidy little heads over the wire
+blind, and the spectacle had not attracted me. I ventured to hint my
+fears to Carrie that they were not very interesting children; but, to
+my dismay, she answered that few children are interesting, and that
+one was as good as another.
+
+"But I mean to be fond of my pupils," I hazarded, rather timidly, as
+I took my basket of keys. I thought Uncle Geoffrey was deep in his
+paper again. "I think a governess ought to have a good moral
+influence over them. Mother always said so."
+
+"We can have a good moral influence without any personal fondness,"
+returned Carrie, rather dryly. Poor girl! her work outside was
+distasteful to her, and she could not help showing it sometimes.
+
+"One cannot take interest in a child without loving it in time," I
+returned, with a little heat, for I did not enjoy this slavish notion
+of duty--pure labor, and nothing else. Carrie did not answer, she
+leaned rather wearily against the window, and looked absently out.
+Uncle Geoffrey gave her a shrewd glance as he folded up the newspaper
+and whistled to Jumbles.
+
+"Settle it between yourselves girls," he observed, suddenly, as he
+opened the door; "but if I were little Annie Thorne, I know I should
+choose Esther;" and with this parting thrust he left the room, making
+us feel terribly abashed.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+OVER THE WAY.
+
+
+I cannot say that I was prepossessed with the Thorne family, neither
+was Carrie.
+
+Mrs. Thorne was what I call a loud woman; her voice was loud, and
+she was full of words, and rather inquisitive on the subject of her
+neighbors.
+
+She was somewhat good-looking, but decidedly over-dressed. Early as
+it was, she was in a heavily-flounced silk dress, a little the worse
+for wear. I guessed that first day, with a sort of feminine
+intuition, that Mrs. Thorne wore out all her second-best clothes in
+the morning. Perhaps it was my country bringing up, but I thought how
+pure and fresh Carrie's modest dress looked beside it; and as for the
+quiet face under the neatly-trimmed bonnet, I could see Mrs. Thorne
+fell in love with it at once. She scarcely looked at or spoke to me,
+except when civility demanded it; and perhaps she was right, for who
+would care to look at me when Carrie was by? Then Carrie played, and
+I knew her exquisite touch would demand instant admiration. I was a
+mere bungler, a beginner beside her; she even sang a charming little
+_chanson_. No wonder Mrs. Thorne was delighted to secure such an
+accomplished person for her children's governess. The three little
+girls came in by-and-by--shy, awkward children, with their mother's
+black eyes, but without her fine complexion; plain, uninteresting
+little girls, with a sort of solemn non-intelligence in their blank
+countenances, and a perceptible shrinking from their mother's sharp
+voice.
+
+"Shake hands with Miss Cameron, Lucy; she is going to teach you all
+manner of nice things. Hold yourself straight, Annie. What will these
+young ladies think of you, Belle, if they look at your dirty
+pinafore? Mine are such troublesome children," she continued, in a
+complaining voice; "they are never nice and tidy and obedient, like
+other children. Mr. Thorne spoils them, and then finds fault with me."
+
+"What is your name, dear?" I whispered to the youngest, when Mrs.
+Thorne had withdrawn with Carrie for a few minutes. They were
+certainly very unattractive children; nevertheless, my heart warmed
+to them, as it did to all children. I was child-lover all my life.
+
+"Annie," returned the little one, shyly rolling her fat arms in her
+pinafore. She was less plain than the others, and had not outgrown
+her plumpness.
+
+"Do you know I have a little brother at home, who is a sad invalid;"
+and then I told them about Dot, about his patience and his sweet
+ways, and how he amused himself when he could not get off his couch
+for weeks; and as I warmed and grew eloquent with my subject, their
+eyes became round and fixed, and a sort of dawning interest woke up
+on their solemn faces; they forgot I was a stranger, and came closer,
+and Belle laid a podgy and a very dirty hand on my lap.
+
+"How old is your little boy?" asked Lucy, in a shrill whisper. And
+as I answered her Mrs. Thorne and Carrie re-entered the room. They
+both looked surprised when they saw the children grouped round me;
+Carrie's eyebrows elevated themselves a little quizzically, and Mrs.
+Thorne called them away rather sharply.
+
+"Don't take liberties with strangers, children. What will Miss
+Cameron think of such manners?" And then she dismissed them rather
+summarily. I saw Annie steal a little wistful look at me as she
+followed her sisters.
+
+We took our leave after that. Mrs. Thorne shook hands with us very
+graciously, but her parting words were addressed to Carrie. "On
+Monday, then. Please give my kind regards to Dr. Cameron, and tell
+him how thoroughly satisfied I am with the proposed arrangement." And
+Carrie answered very prettily, but as the door closed she sighed
+heavily.
+
+"Oh, what children! and what a mother!" she gasped, as she took my
+arm, and turned my foot-steps away from the house. "Never mind Jack,
+I am going to the service at St. Barnabas; I want some refreshment
+after what I have been through." And she sighed again.
+
+"But, Carrie," I remonstrated, "I have no time to spare. You know
+how Jack has been neglected, and how I have promised Allan to do my
+best for her until we can afford to send her to school."
+
+"You can walk with me to the church door," she returned, decidedly.
+I was beginning to find out that Carrie could be self-willed
+sometimes. "I must talk to you, Esther; I must tell you how I hate
+it. Fancy trying to hammer French and music into those children's
+heads, when I might--I might--" But here she stopped, actually on the
+verge of crying.
+
+"Oh, my darling, Carrie!" I burst out, for I never could bear to see
+her sweet face clouded for a moment, and she so seldom cried or gave
+way to any emotion. "Why would you not let me speak? I might have
+saved you this. I might have offered myself in your stead, and set
+you free for pleasanter work." But she shook her head, and struggled
+for composure.
+
+"You would not have done for Mrs. Thorne, Esther. Don't think me
+vain if I say that I play and sing far better than you."
+
+"A thousand times better," I interposed. "And then you can draw."
+
+"Well, Mrs. Thorne is a woman who values accomplishments. You are
+clever at some things; you speak French fairly, and then you are a
+good Latin scholar" (for Allan and I studied that together); "you can
+lay a solid foundation, as Uncle Geoffrey says; but Mrs. Thorne does
+not care about that," continued Carrie a little bitterly; "she wants
+a flimsy superstructure of accomplishments--music, and French, and
+drawing, as much as I can teach a useful life-work, Esther."
+
+"Well, why not?" I returned, with a little spirit, for here was one
+of Carrie's old arguments. "If it be the work given us to do, it must
+be a useful life-work. It might be our duty to make artificial
+flowers for our livelihood--hundreds of poor creatures do that--and
+you would not scold them for waste of time, I suppose?"
+
+"Anyhow, it is not work enough for me," replied Carrie firmly, and
+passing over my clever argument with a dignified silence; "it is the
+drudgery of mere ornamentation that I hate. I will do my best for
+those dreadful children, Esther. Are they not pitiful little
+overdressed creatures? And I will try and please their mother though
+I have not a thought in common with her. And when I have finished my
+ornamental brick-making--told my tales of the bricks----" here she
+paused, and looked at me with a heightened color.
+
+"And what then?" I asked, rather crossly, for there was a flaw in
+her speech somewhere, and I could not find it out.
+
+"We shall see, my wise little sister," she said, letting go my arm
+with a kind pressure. "See, here is St. Barnabas; is it not a dear
+old building? Must you go back to Jack?"
+
+"Yes, I must," I answered, shortly. "_Laborare est orare_--to
+labor is to pray, in my case, Carrie;" and with that I left her.
+
+But Carrie's arguments had seriously discomposed me. I longed to
+talk it all out with Allan, and I do not think I ever missed him so
+much as I did that day. I am afraid I was rather impatient with Jack
+that morning; to be sure she was terribly awkward and inattentive;
+she would put her elbows on the table, and ink her fingers, and then
+she had a way of jerking her hair out of her eyes, which drove me
+nearly frantic. I began to think we really must send her to school.
+We had done away with the folding doors, they always creaked so, and
+had hung up some curtains in their stead; through the folds I could
+catch glimpses of dear mother leaning back in her chair, with Dot
+beside her. He was spelling over his lesson to her, in a queer,
+little sing-song voice, and they looked so cool and quiet that the
+contrast was quite provoking; and there was Carrie kneeling in some
+dim corner, and soothing her perturbed spirits with softly-uttered
+psalms and prayers.
+
+"Jack," I returned, for the sixth time, "I cannot have you kick the
+table in that schoolboy fashion."
+
+Jack looked at me with roguish malice in her eyes. "You are not
+quite well, Esther; you have got a pain in your temper, haven't you,
+now?"
+
+I don't know what I might have answered, for Jack was right, and I
+was as cross as possible, only just at that moment Uncle Geoffrey put
+his head in at the door, and stood beaming on us like an angel of
+deliverance.
+
+"Fee-fo-fum," for he sometimes called Jack by that charming _sobriquet_,
+indeed, he was always inventing names for her, "it is too hot for
+work, isn't it? I think I must give you a holiday, for I want Esther
+to go out with me." Uncle Geoffrey's wishes were law, and I rose at
+once; but not all my secret feelings of relief could prevent me from
+indulging in a parting thrust.
+
+"I don't think Jack deserves the holiday," I remarked, with a severe
+look at the culprit; and Jack jerked her hair over her eyes this time
+in some confusion.
+
+"Hullo, Fee-fo-fum, what have you been up to? Giving Esther trouble?
+Oh, fie! fie!"
+
+"I only kicked the table," returned Jack, sullenly, "because I hate
+lessons--that I do, Uncle Geoffrey--and I inked my fingers because I
+liked it; and I put my elbows on the copy-book because Esther said I
+wasn't to do it; and my hair got in my eyes; and William the
+Conqueror had six wives, I know he had; and I told Esther she had a
+pain in her temper, because she was as cross as two sticks; and I
+don't remember any more, and I don't care," finished Jack, who could
+be like a mule on occasions.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey laughed--he could not help it--and then he patted
+Jack kindly on her rough locks. "Clever little Fee-fo-fum; so William
+the Conqueror had six wives, had he? Come, this is capital; we must
+send you to school, Jack, that is what we must do. Esther cannot be
+in two places at once." What did he mean by that, I wonder! And then
+he bid me run off and put on my hat, and not keep him waiting.
+
+Jack's brief sullenness soon vanished, and she followed me out of
+the room to give me a penitent hug--that was so like Jack; the inky
+caress was a doubtful consolation, but I liked it, somehow.
+
+"Where are you going, Uncle Geoff?" I asked, as we walked up the
+High street, followed by Jumbles, while Jack and Smudge watched us
+from the door.
+
+"Miss Lucas wants to see you," he returned, briefly. "Bless me,
+there is Carrie, deep in conversation with Mr. Smedley. Where on
+earth has the girl picked him up?" And there, true enough, was
+Carrie, standing in the porch, talking eagerly to a fresh-colored,
+benevolent-looking man, whom I knew by sight as the vicar of St.
+Barnabas.
+
+She must have waylaid him after service, for the other worshipers
+had dropped off; we had met two or three of them in the High street.
+I do not know why the sight displeased me, for of course she had a
+right to speak to her clergyman. Uncle Geoffrey whistled under his
+breath, and then laughed and wondered "what the little saint had to
+say to her pastor;" but I did not let him go on, for I was too
+excited with our errand.
+
+"Why does Miss Lucas want to see me?" I asked, with a little beating
+of the heart. The Lucas family were the richest people in Milnthorpe.
+
+Mr. Lucas was the banker, and kept his carriage, and had a pretty
+cottage somewhere by the seaside; they were Uncle Geoffrey's
+patients, I knew, but what had that to do with poor little me?
+
+"Miss Lucas wants to find some one to teach her little niece,"
+returned Uncle Geoffrey; and then I remembered all at once that
+Mr. Lucas was a widower with one little girl. He had lost his wife
+about a year ago, and his sister had come to live with him and take
+care of his motherless child. What a chance this would have been for
+Carrie! but now it was too late. I was half afraid as we came up to
+the great red brick house, it was so grand and imposing, and so was
+the solemn-looking butler who opened the door and ushered us into
+the drawing-room.
+
+As we crossed the hall some one came suddenly out on us from a dark
+lobby, and paused when he saw us. "Dr. Cameron! This is your niece, I
+suppose, whom my sister Ruth is expecting?" and as he shook hands
+with us he looked at me a little keenly, I thought. He was younger
+than I expected; it flashed across me suddenly that I had once seen
+his poor wife. I was standing looking out of the window one cold
+winter's day, when a carriage drove up to the door with a lady
+wrapped in furs. I remember Uncle Geoffrey went out to speak to her,
+and what a smile came over her face when she saw him. She was very
+pale, but very beautiful; every one said so in Milnthorpe, for she
+had been much beloved.
+
+"My sister is in the drawing-room; you must excuse me if I say I am
+in a great hurry," and then he passed on with a bow. I thought him
+very formidable, the sort of man who would be feared as well as
+respected by his dependants. He had the character of being a very
+reserved man, with a great many acquaintances and few intimate
+friends. I had no idea at that time that no one understood him so
+well as Uncle Geoffrey.
+
+I was decidedly nervous when I followed Uncle Geoffrey meekly into
+the drawing-room. Its size and splendor did not diminish my fears,
+and I little imagined then how I should get to love that room.
+
+It was a little low, in spite of its spaciousness, and its three
+long windows opened in French fashion on to the garden. I had a
+glimpse of the lawn, with a grand old cedar in the middle, before my
+eyes were attracted to a lady in deep mourning, writing in a little
+alcove, half curtained off from the rest of the room, and looking
+decidedly cozy.
+
+The moment she turned her face toward us at the mention of our
+names, my unpleasant feelings of nervousness vanished. She was such a
+little woman--slightly deformed, too--with a pale, sickly-looking
+face, and large, clear eyes, that seemed to attract sympathy at once,
+for they seemed to say to one, "I am only a timid, simple little
+creature. You need not be afraid of me."
+
+I was not very tall, but I almost looked down on her as she gave me
+her hand.
+
+"I was expecting you, Miss Cameron," she said, in such a sweet tone
+that it quite won my heart. "Your uncle kindly promised to introduce
+us to each other."
+
+And then she looked at me, not keenly and scrutinizingly, as her
+brother had done, but with a kindly inquisitiveness, as though she
+wanted to know all about me, and to put me at my ease as soon as
+possible. I flushed a little at that, and my unfortunate
+sensitiveness took alarm. If it were only Carrie, I thought, with her
+pretty face and soft voice; but I was so sadly unattractive, no one
+would be taken with me at first sight. Fred had once said so in my
+hearing, and how I had cried over that speech!
+
+"Esther looks older than she is; but she is only seventeen,"
+interposed Uncle Geoffrey, as he saw that unlucky blush. "She is a
+good girl, and very industrious, and her mother's right hand," went
+on the simple man. If I only could have plucked up spirit and
+contradicted him, but I felt tongue-tied.
+
+"She looks very reliable," returned Miss Lucas, in the kindest way.
+To this day I believe she could not find any compliment compatible
+with truth. I once told her so months afterward, when we were very
+good friends, and she laughed and could not deny it.
+
+"You were frowning so, Esther," she replied, "from excess of
+nervousness, I believe, that your forehead was quite lost in your
+hair, and your great eyes were looking at me in such a funny,
+frightened way, and the corners of your mouth all coming down, I
+thought you were five-and-twenty at least, and wondered what I was to
+do with such a proud, repellant-looking young woman; but when you
+smiled I began to see then."
+
+I had not reached the smiling stage just then, and was revolving her
+speech in rather a dispirited way. Reliable! I knew I was that; when
+all at once she left off looking at me, and began talking to Uncle
+Geoffrey.
+
+"And so you have finished all your Good Samaritan arrangements, Dr.
+Cameron; and your poor sister-in-law and her family are really
+settled in your house? You must let me know when I may call, or if I
+can be of any use. Giles told me all about it, and I was so
+interested."
+
+"Is it not good of Uncle Geoffrey?" I broke in. And then it must
+have been that I smiled; but I never could have passed that over in
+silence, to hear strangers praise him, and not join in.
+
+"I think it is noble of Dr. Cameron--we both think so," she
+answered, warmly; and then she turned to me again. "I can understand
+how anxious you must all feel to help and lighten his burdens. When
+Dr. Cameron proposed your services for my little niece--for he knows
+what an invalid I am, and that systematic teaching would be
+impossible to me--I was quite charmed with the notion. But now,
+before we talk any more about it, supposing you and I go up to see
+Flurry."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+FLURRY AND FLOSSY.
+
+
+What a funny little name! I could not help saying so to Miss Lucas
+as I followed her up the old oak staircase with its beautifully
+carved balustrades.
+
+"It is her own baby abbreviation of Florence," she returned, pausing
+on the landing to take breath, for even that slight ascent seemed to
+weary her. She was quite pale and panting by the time we arrived at
+our destination. "It is nice to be young and strong," she observed,
+wistfully. "I am not very old, it is true"--she could not have been
+more than eight-and-twenty--"but I have never enjoyed good health,
+and Dr. Cameron says I never can hope to do so; but what can you
+expect of a crooked little creature like me?" with a smile that was
+quite natural and humorous, and seemed to ask no pity.
+
+Miss Ruth was perfectly content with her life. I found out afterward
+she evoked rare beauty out of its quiet every-day monotony, storing
+up precious treasures in homely vessels.
+
+Life was to her full of infinite possibilities, a gradual dawning
+and brightening of hopes that would meet their full fruition
+hereafter. "Some people have strength to work," she said once to me,
+"and then plenty of work is given to them; and some must just keep
+quiet and watch others work, and give them a bright word of
+encouragement now and then. I am one of those wayside loiterers," she
+finished, with a laugh; but all the same every one knew how much Miss
+Ruth did to help others, in spite of her failing strength.
+
+The schoolroom, or nursery, as I believe it was called, was a large
+pleasant room just over the drawing-room, and commanding the same
+view of the garden and cedar-tree. It had three windows, only they
+were rather high up, and had cushioned window-seats. In one of them
+there was a little girl curled up in company with a large brown and
+white spaniel.
+
+"Well, Flurry, what mischief are you and Flossy concocting?" asked
+Miss Lucas, in a playful voice, for the child was too busily engaged
+to notice our entrance.
+
+"Why, it is my little auntie," exclaimed Flurry, joyously, and she
+scrambled down, while Flossy wagged his tail and barked. Evidently
+Miss Ruth was not a frequent visitor to the nursery.
+
+Flurry was about six, not a pretty child by any means, though there
+might be a promise of future beauty in her face. She was a thin,
+serious-looking little creature, more like the father than the
+mother, and no one could call Mr. Lucas handsome. Her dark eyes
+--nearly black they were--matched oddly, in my opinion, with her
+long fair hair; such pretty fluffy hair it was, falling over her
+black frock. When her aunt bade her come and speak to the lady who
+was kind enough to promise to teach her, she stood for a moment
+regarding me gravely with childish inquisitiveness before she gave
+me her hand.
+
+"What are you going to teach me?" she asked. "I don't think I want
+to be taught, auntie; I can read, I have been reading to Flossy, and
+I can write, and hem father's handkerchiefs. Ask nursie."
+
+"But you would like to play to dear father, and to learn all sorts
+of pretty hymns to say to him, would you not, my darling! There are
+many things you will have to know before you are a woman."
+
+"I don't mean to be a woman ever, I think," observed Flurry; "I like
+being a child better. Nursie is a woman, and nursie won't play; she
+says she is old and stupid."
+
+A happy inspiration came to me. "If you are good and learn your
+lessons, I will play with you," I said, rather timidly; "that is, if
+you care for a grown-up playfellow."
+
+I was only seventeen, in spite of my _pronounce_ features, and
+I could still enter into the delights of a good drawn battle of
+battledore and shuttlecock. Perhaps it was the repressed enthusiasm
+of my tone, for I really meant what I said; but Flurry's brief
+coldness vanished, and she caught at my hand at once.
+
+"Come and see them," she said; "I did not know you liked dolls, but
+you shall have one of your own if you like;" and she led me to a
+corner of the nursery where a quantity of dolls in odd costumes and
+wonderfully constrained attitudes were arranged round an inverted
+basket.
+
+"Joseph and his brethren," whispered Flurry. "I am going to put him
+in the pit directly, only I wondered what I should do for the camels
+--this is Issachar, and this Gad. Look at Gad's turban."
+
+It was almost impossible to retain my gravity. I could see Miss
+Lucas smiling in the window seat. Joseph and his brethren--what a
+droll idea for a child! But I did not know then that Flurry's dolls
+had to sustain a variety of bewildering parts. When I next saw them
+the smart turbans were all taken off the flaxen heads, a few dejected
+sawdust bodies hung limply round a miller's cart. "Ancient Britons,"
+whispered Flurry. "Nurse would not let me paint them blue, but they
+did not wear clothes then, you know." In fact, our history lesson was
+generally followed by a series of touching _tableaux vivants_, the
+dolls sustaining their parts in several moving scenes of "Alfred and
+the Cakes," "Hubert and Arthur," and once "the Battle of Cressy."
+
+Flurry and I parted the best of friends; and when we joined Uncle
+Geoffrey in the drawing-room I was quite ready to enter on my duties
+at once.
+
+Miss Lucas stipulated for my services from ten till five; a few
+simple lessons in the morning were to be followed by a walk, I was to
+lunch with them, and in the afternoon I was to amuse Flurry or teach
+her a little--just as I liked.
+
+"The fact is," observed Miss Lucas, as I looked a little surprised
+at this programme, "Nurse is a worthy woman, and we are all very much
+attached to her; but she is very ignorant, and my brother will not
+have Flurry thrown too much on her companionship. He wishes me to
+find some one who will take the sole charge of the child through the
+day; in the evening she always comes down to her father and sits with
+him until her bedtime." And then she named what seemed to me a
+surprisingly large sum for services. What! all that for playing with
+Flurry, and giving her a few baby lessons; poor Carrie could not have
+more for teaching the little Thornes. But when I hinted this to Uncle
+Geoffrey, he said quietly that they were rich people and could well
+afford it.
+
+"Don't rate yourself so low, little woman," he added, good-humoredly;
+"you are giving plenty of time and interest, and surely that is
+worth something." And then he went on to say that Jack must go to
+school, he knew a very good one just by; some ladies who were
+patients of his would take her at easy terms, he knew. He would call
+that very afternoon and speak to Miss Martin.
+
+Poor mother shed a few tears when I told her our plans. It was sad
+for her to see her girls reduced to work for themselves; but she
+cheered up after a little while, and begged me not to think her
+ungrateful and foolish. "For we have so many blessings, Esther," she
+went on, in her patient way. "We are all together, except poor Fred,
+and but for your uncle's goodness we might have been separated."
+
+"And we shall have such nice cozy evenings," I returned, "when the
+day's work is over. I shall feel like a day laborer, mother, bringing
+home my wages in my pocket. I shall be thinking of you and Dot all
+day, and longing to get back to you."
+
+But though I spoke and felt so cheerfully, I knew that the evenings
+would not be idle. There would be mending to do and linen to make,
+for we could not afford to buy our things ready-made; but, with
+mother's clever fingers and Carrie's help, I thought we should do
+very well. I must utilize every spare minute, I thought. I must get
+up early and help Deborah, so that things might go on smoothly for
+the rest of the day. There was Dot to dress, and mother was ailing,
+and had her breakfast in bed--there would be a hundred little things
+to set right before I started off for the Cedars, as Mr. Lucas' house
+was called.
+
+"Never mind, it is better to wear out than to rust out," I said to
+myself. And then I picked up Jack's gloves from the floor, hung up
+her hat in its place, and tried to efface the marks of her muddy
+boots from the carpet (I cannot deny Jack was a thorn in my side just
+now), and then there came a tap at my door, and Carrie came in.
+
+She looked so pretty and bright, that I could not help admiring her
+afresh. I am sure people must have called her beautiful.
+
+"How happy you look, Carrie, in spite of your three little Thornes,"
+I said rather mischievously. "Has mother told you about Miss Lucas?"
+
+"Yes, I heard all about that," she returned, absently. "You are very
+fortunate, Esther, to find work in which you can take an interest. I
+am glad--very glad about that."
+
+"I wish, for your sake, that we could exchange," I returned, feeling
+myself very generous in intention, but all the same delighted that my
+unselfishness should not be put to the proof.
+
+"Oh, no, I have no wish of that sort," she replied, hastily; "I
+could not quite bring myself to play with children in the nursery." I
+suppose mother had told her about the dolls. "Well, we both start on
+our separate treadmill on Monday--Black Monday, eh, Esther?"
+
+"Not at all," I retorted, for I was far too pleased and excited with
+my prospects to be damped by Carrie's want of enthusiasm. I thought I
+would sit down and write to Jessie, and tell her all about it, but
+here was Carrie preparing herself for one of her chats.
+
+"Did you see me talking to Mr. Smedley, Esther?" she began; and as I
+nodded she went on. "I had never spoken to him before since Uncle
+Geoffrey introduced us to him. He is such a nice, practical sort of
+man. He took me into the vicarage, and introduced me to his wife. She
+is very plain and homely, but so sensible."
+
+I held my peace. I had rather a terror of Mrs. Smedley. She was one
+of those bustling workers whom one dreads by instinct. She had a
+habit of pouncing upon people, especially young ones, and driving
+them to work. Before many days were over she had made poor mother
+promise to do some cutting out for the clothing club, as though
+mother had not work enough for us all at home. I thought it very
+inconsiderate of Mrs. Smedley.
+
+"I took to them at once," went on Carrie, "and indeed they were
+exceedingly kind. Mr. Smedley seemed to understand everything in a
+moment, how I wanted work, and----"
+
+"But, Carrie," I demanded, aghast at this, "you have work: you have
+the little Thornes."
+
+"Oh, don't drag them in at every word," she answered, pettishly--at
+least pettishly for her; "of course, I have my brick-making, and so
+have you. I am thinking of other things now, Esther; I have promised
+Mr. Smedley to be one of his district visitors."
+
+I almost jumped off my chair at that, I was so startled and so
+indignant.
+
+"Oh, Carrie! and when you know mother does not approve of girls of
+our age undertaking such work--she has said so over and over again
+--how can you go against her wishes?"
+
+Carrie looked at me mildly, but she was not in the least discomposed
+at my words.
+
+"Listen to me, you silly child," she said, good-humoredly; "this is
+one of mother's fancies; you cannot expect me with my settled views
+to agree with her in this."
+
+I don't know what Carrie meant by her views, unless they consisted
+in a determination to make herself and every one else uncomfortable
+by an overstrained sense of duty.
+
+"Middle-aged people are timid sometimes. Mother has never visited
+the poor herself, so she does not see the necessity for my doing it;
+but I am of a different opinion," continued Carrie, with a mild
+obstinacy that astonished me too much for any reply.
+
+"When mother cried about it just now, and begged me to let her speak
+to Mr. Smedley, I told her that I was old enough to judge for myself,
+and that I thought one's conscience ought not to be slavishly bound
+even to one's parent. I was trying to do my duty to her and to every
+one, but I must not neglect the higher part of my vocation."
+
+"Oh, Carrie, how could you? You will make her so unhappy."
+
+"No; she only cried a good deal, and begged me to be prudent and not
+overtax my strength; and then she talked about you, and hoped I
+should help you as much as possible, as though I meant to shirk any
+part of my duty. I do not think she really disapproved, only she
+seemed nervous and timid about it; but I ask you, Esther, how I could
+help offering my services, when Mrs. Smedley told me about the
+neglected state of the parish, and how few ladies came forward to
+help?"
+
+"But how will you find time?" I remonstrated; though what was the
+good of remonstrating when Carrie had once made up her mind?
+
+"I have the whole of Saturday afternoon, and an hour on Wednesday,
+and now the evenings are light I might utilize them a little. I am to
+have Nightingale lane and the whole of Rowley street, so one
+afternoon in the week will scarcely be sufficient."
+
+"Oh, Carrie," I groaned; but, actually, though the mending lay on my
+mind like a waking nightmare, I could not expostulate with her. I
+only looked at her in a dim, hopeless way and shook my head; if these
+were her views I must differ from them entirely. Not that I did not
+wish good--heavenly good--to the poor, but that I felt home duties
+would have to be left undone; and after all that uncle had done for
+us!
+
+"And then I promised Mrs. Smedley that I would help in the Sunday
+-school," she continued, cheerfully. "She was so pleased, and kissed
+me quite gratefully. She says she and Mr. Smedley have had such up-hill
+work since they came to Milnthorpe--and there is so much lukewarmness
+and worldliness in the place. Even Miss Lucas, in spite of her goodness
+--and she owned she was very good, Esther--will not take their advice
+about things."
+
+"I told her," she went on, hesitating, "that I would speak to you,
+and ask you to take a Sunday class in the infant school. You are so
+fond of children, I thought you would be sure to consent."
+
+"So I would, and gladly too, if you would take my place at home," I
+returned, quickly; "but if you do so much yourself, you will prevent
+me from doing anything. Why not let me take the Sunday school class,
+while you stop with mother and Dot?"
+
+"What nonsense!" she replied, flushing a little, for my proposition
+did not please her; "that is so like you, Esther, to raise obstacles
+for nothing. Why cannot we both teach; surely you can give one
+afternoon a week to God's work?"
+
+"I hope I am giving not one afternoon, but every afternoon to it," I
+returned, and the tears rushed to my eyes, for her speech wounded me.
+"Oh, Carrie, why will you not understand that I think that all work
+that is given us to do is God's work? It is just as right for me to
+play with Flurry as it is to teach in the Sunday school."
+
+"You can do both if you choose," she answered, coolly.
+
+"Not unless you take my place," I returned, decidedly, for I had the
+Cameron spirit, and would not yield my point; "for in that case Dot
+would lose his Sunday lessons, and Jack would be listless and fret
+mother."
+
+"Very well," was Carrie's response; but I could see she was
+displeased with my plain speaking; and I went downstairs very tired
+and dispirited, to find mother had cried herself into a bad headache.
+
+"If I could only talk to your dear father about it," she whispered,
+when she had opened her heart to me on the subject of Carrie. "I am
+old-fashioned, as Carrie says, and it is still my creed that parents
+know best for their children; but she thinks differently, and she is
+so good that, perhaps, one ought to leave her to judge for herself.
+If I could only know what your father would say," she went on,
+plaintively.
+
+I could give her no comfort, for I was only a girl myself, and my
+opinions were still immature and unfledged, and then I never had been
+as good as Carrie. But what I said seemed to console mother a little,
+for she drew down my face and kissed it.
+
+"Always my good, sensible Esther," she said, and then Uncle Geoffrey
+came in and prescribed for the headache, and the subject dropped.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+THE CEDARS.
+
+
+I was almost ashamed of myself for being so happy, and yet it was a
+sober kind of happiness too. I did not forget my father, and I missed
+Allan with an intensity that surprised myself; but, in spite of hard
+work and the few daily vexations that hamper every one's lot, I
+continued to extract a great deal of enjoyment out of my life. To sum
+it up with a word, it was life--not mere existence--a life brimming
+over with duties and responsibilities and untried work, too busy for
+vacuum. Every corner and interstice of time filled up--heart, and
+head, and hands always fully employed; and youth and health, those
+two grand gifts of God, making all such work a delight.
+
+Now I am older, and the sap of life does not run so freely in my
+veins, I almost marvel at the remembrance of those days, at my
+youthful exuberance and energy, and those words, "As thy day, so
+shall thy strength be," come to me with a strange force and
+illumination, for truly I needed it all then, and it was given to me.
+Time was a treasure trove, and I husbanded every minute with a
+miser's zeal. I had always been an early riser, and now I reaped the
+benefit of this habit. Jack used to murmur discontentedly in her
+sleep when I set the window open soon after six, and the fresh summer
+air fanned her hot face. But how cool and dewy the garden looked at
+that hour!
+
+It was so bright and still, with the thrushes and blackbirds hopping
+over the wet lawn, and the leaves looking so fresh and green in the
+morning sun; such twitterings and chirpings came from the lilac
+trees, where the little brown sparrows twittered and plumed
+themselves. The bird music used to chime in in a sort of refrain to
+my morning prayers--a diminutive chorus of praise--the choral before
+the day's service commenced.
+
+I always gave Jack a word of warning before I left the room (the
+reprimand used to find her in the middle of a dream), and then I went
+to Dot. I used to help him to dress and hear him repeat his prayers,
+and talk cheerfully to him when he was languid and fretful, and the
+small duties of life were too heavy for his feeble energies. Dot
+always took a large portion of my time; his movements were slow and
+full of tiny perversities; he liked to stand and philosophize in an
+infantile way when I wanted to be downstairs helping Deborah. Dot's
+fidgets, as I called them, were part of the day's work.
+
+When he was ready to hobble downstairs with his crutch, I used to
+fly back to Jack, and put a few finishing touches to her toilet, for
+I knew by experience that she would make her appearance downstairs
+with a crooked parting and a collar awry, and be grievously plaintive
+when Carrie found fault with her. Talking never mended matters; Jack
+was at the hoiden age, and had to grow into tidiness and womanhood
+by-and-by.
+
+After that I helped Deborah, and took up mother's breakfast. I
+always found her lying with her face to the window, and her open
+Bible beside her. Carrie had always been in before me and arranged
+the room. Mother slept badly, and at that early hour her face had a
+white, pining look, as though she had lost her way in the night, or
+waked to miss something. She used to turn with a sweet troubled smile
+to me as I entered.
+
+"Here comes my busy little woman," she would say, with a pretense at
+cheerfulness, and then she would ask after Dot. She never spoke much
+of her sadness to us; with an unselfishness that was most rare she
+refused to dim our young cheerfulness by holding an unhealed grief
+too plainly before our eyes. Dear mother, I realize now what that
+silence must have cost her!
+
+When breakfast was over, and Uncle Geoffrey busily engrossed with
+his paper, I used to steal into the kitchen and have a long confab
+with Deborah, and then Jack and I made our bed and dusted our room to
+save Martha, and by that time I was ready to start to the Cedars; but
+not until I had convoyed Jack to Miss Martin's, and left her and her
+books safely at the door.
+
+Dot used to kiss me rather wistfully when I left him with his
+lesson-books and paint-box, waiting for mother to come down and
+keep him company. Poor little fellow, he had rather a dull life of
+it, for even Jumbles refused to stay with him, and Smudge was out in
+the garden, lazily watching the sparrows. Poor little lonely boy,
+deprived of the usual pleasures of boyhood, and looking out on our
+busy lives from a sort of sad twilight of pain and weakness, but
+keeping such a brave heart and silent tongue over it all.
+
+How I enjoyed my little walk up High street and across the wide,
+sunshiny square! When I reached the Cedars, and the butler admitted
+me, I used to run up the old oak staircase and tap at the nursery
+door.
+
+Nurse used to courtesy and withdraw; Flurry and I had it all to
+ourselves. I never saw Miss Lucas until luncheon-time; she was more
+of an invalid than I knew at that time, and rarely left her room
+before noon. Flurry and I soon grew intimate; after a few days were
+over we were the best of friends. She was a clever child and fond of
+her lessons, but she was full of droll fancies. She always insisted
+on her dolls joining our studies. It used to be a little embarrassing
+to me at first to see myself surrounded by the vacant waxen faces
+staring at us, with every variety of smirk and bland fatuous
+expression: the flaxen heads nid-nodded over open lesson-books,
+propped up in limp, leathery arms. When Flossy grew impatient for a
+game of play, he would drag two or three of them down with a vicious
+snap and a stroke of his feathery paws. Flurry would shake her head
+at him disapprovingly, as she picked them up and shook out their
+smart frocks. The best behaved of the dolls always accompanied us in
+our walk before luncheon.
+
+I used to think of Carrie's words, sometimes, as I played with
+Flurry in the afternoon; she would not hear of lessons then.
+Sometimes I would coax her to sew a little, or draw; and she always
+had her half hour at the piano, but during the rest of the afternoon
+I am afraid there was nothing but play.
+
+How I wish Dot could have joined us sometimes as we built our famous
+brick castles, or worked in Flurry's little garden, where she grew
+all sorts of wonderful things. When I was tired or lazy I used to
+bring out my needle-work to the seat under the cedar, and tell Flurry
+stories, or talk to her as she dressed her dolls; she was very good
+and tractable, and never teased me to play when I was disinclined.
+
+I told her about Dot very soon, and she gave me no peace after that
+until I took her to see him; there was quite a childish friendship
+between them soon. Flurry used to send him little gifts, which she
+purchased with her pocket-money--pictures, and knives, and pencils. I
+often begged Miss Lucas to put a stop to it, but she only laughed and
+praised Flurry, and put by choice little portions of fruit and other
+dainties for Flurry's boy friend.
+
+Flurry prattled a great deal about her father, but I never saw him.
+He had his luncheon at the bank. Once when we were playing battledore
+and shuttle-cock in the hall--for Miss Lucas liked to hear us all
+over the house; she said it made her feel cheerful--I heard a door
+open overhead, and caught a glimpse of a dark face watching us; but I
+thought it was Morgan the butler, until Flurry called out joyfully,
+"Father! Father!" and then it disappeared. Now and then I met him in
+the square, and he always knew me and took off his hat; but I did not
+exchange a word with him for months.
+
+Flurry loved him, and seemed deep in his confidence. She always put
+on her best frock and little pearl necklace to go down and sit with
+her father, while he ate his dinner. She generally followed him into
+his study, and chatted to him, until nurse fetched her at bed-time.
+When she had asked me some puzzling question that it was impossible
+to answer, she would refer it to her father with implicit faith. She
+would make me rather uncomfortable at times respecting little
+speeches of his.
+
+"Father can't understand why you are so fond of play," she said once
+to me; "he says so few grown-up girls deign to amuse themselves with
+a game: but you do like it, don't you, Miss Cameron?" making up a
+very coaxing face. Of course I confessed to a great fondness for
+games, but all the same I wished Mr. Lucas had not said that. Perhaps
+he thought me too hoidenish for his child's governess, and for a
+whole week after that I refused to play with Flurry, until she began
+to mope, and my heart misgave me. We played at hide and seek that day
+all over the house--Flurry and Flossy and I.
+
+Then another time, covering me with dire confusion, "Father thinks
+that such a pretty story, Miss Cameron, the one about Gretchen. He
+said I ought to try and remember it, and write it down; and then he
+asked if you had really made it up in your head."
+
+"Oh, Flurry, that silly little story?"
+
+"Not silly at all," retorted Flurry, with a little heat; "father had
+a headache, and he could not talk to me, so I told him stories to
+send him to sleep, and I thought he would like dear little Gretchen.
+He never went to sleep after all, but his eyes were wide open,
+staring at the fire; and then he told me he had been thinking of dear
+mamma, and he thought I should be very like her some day. And then he
+thanked me for my pretty stories, and then tiresome old nursie
+fetched me to bed."
+
+That stupid little tale! To think of Mr. Lucas listening to that. I
+was not a very inventive storyteller, though I could warm into
+eloquence on occasions, but Flurry's demand was so excessive that I
+hit on a capital plan at last.
+
+I created a wonderful child heroine, and called her Juliet and told
+a little fresh piece of her history every day. Never was there such a
+child for impossible adventures and hairbreadth escapes; what that
+unfortunate little creature went through was known only to Flurry and
+me.
+
+She grew to love Juliet like a make-believe sister of her own, and
+talked of her at last as a living child. What long moral
+conversations took place between Juliet and her mother, what
+admirable remarks did that excellent mother make, referring to sundry
+small sins of omission and commission on Juliet's part! When I saw
+Flurry wince and turn red I knew the remarks had struck home.
+
+It was astonishing how Juliet's behavior varied with Flurry's. If
+Flurry were inattentive, Juliet was listless; if her history lessons
+were ill-learned, Juliet's mamma had always a great deal to say about
+the battle of Agincourt or any other event that it was necessary to
+impress on her memory. I am afraid Flurry at last took a great
+dislike to that well-meaning lady, and begged to hear more about
+Juliet's little brother and sister. When I came to a very
+uninteresting part she would propose a game of ball or a scamper with
+Flossy; but all the same next day we would be back at it again.
+
+The luncheon hour was very pleasant to me. I grew to like Miss Lucas
+excessively; she talked so pleasantly and seemed so interested in all
+I had to tell her about myself and Flurry; a quiet atmosphere of
+refinement surrounded her--a certain fitness and harmony of thought.
+Sometimes she would invite us into the drawing-room after luncheon,
+saying she felt lonely and would be glad of our society for a little.
+I used to enjoy those half-hours, though I am afraid Flurry found
+them a little wearisome. Our talk went over her head, and she would
+listen to it with a droll, half-bored expression, and take refuge at
+last with Flossy.
+
+Sometimes, but not often, Miss Lucas would take us to drive with
+her. I think, until she knew me well, that she liked better to be
+alone with her own thoughts. As our knowledge of each other grew, I
+was struck with the flower-like unfolding of her ideas; they would
+bud and break forth into all manner of quaint fancies--their
+freshness and originality used to charm me.
+
+I think there is no interest in life compared to knowing people
+--finding them out, their tastes, character, and so forth. I had an
+inquisitive delight, I called it thirst, for human knowledge, in
+drawing out a stranger; no traveler exploring unknown tracts of
+country ever pursued his researches with greater zeal and interest.
+Reserve only attracts me.
+
+Impulsive people, who let out their feelings the first moment, do
+not interest me half so much as silent folk. I like to sit down
+before an enclosed citadel and besiege it; with such ramparts of
+defense there must be precious store in the heart of the city, some
+hidden jewels, perhaps; at least, so I argue with myself.
+
+But, happy as I was with Miss Lucas and Flurry, five o'clock no
+sooner struck than I was flying down the oak staircase, with Flurry
+peeping at me between the balustrades, and waving a mite of a hand in
+token of adieu; for was I not going home to mother and Dot? Oh, the
+dear, bright home scene that always awaited me! I wonder if Carrie
+loved it as I did! The homely, sunny little parlors; the cozy tea
+table, over which old Martha would be hovering with careful face and
+hands; mother in her low chair by the garden window; Uncle Geoffrey
+with his books and papers at the little round table; Dot and Jack
+hidden in some corner, out of which Dot would come stumping on his
+poor little crutches to kiss me, and ask after his little friend
+Flurry.
+
+"Here comes our Dame Bustle," Uncle Geoffrey would say. It was his
+favorite name for me, and mother would look up and greet me with the
+same loving smile that was never wanting on her dear face.
+
+On the stairs I generally came upon Carrie, coming down from her
+little room.
+
+"How are the little Thornes?" I would ask her, cheerfully; but
+by-and-by I left off asking her about them. At first she used to shrug
+her shoulders and shake her head in a sort of disconsolate fashion,
+or answered indifferently: "Oh, much as usual, thank you." But once
+she returned, quite pettishly:
+
+"Why do you ask after those odious children, Esther? Why cannot you
+let me forget them for a few hours? If we are brickmakers, we need
+not always be telling the tales of our bricks." She finished with a
+sort of weary tone in her tired voice, and after that I let the
+little Thornes alone.
+
+What happy evenings those were! Not that we were idle, though--"the
+saints forbid," as old Biddy used to say. When tea was over, mother
+and I betook ourselves to the huge mending basket; sometimes Carrie
+joined us, when she was not engaged in district work, and then her
+clever fingers made the work light for us.
+
+Then there were Jack's lessons to superintend, and sometimes I had
+to help Dot with his drawing, or copy out papers for Uncle Geoffrey:
+then by-and-by Dot had to be taken upstairs, and there were little
+things to do for mother when Carrie was too tired or busy to do them.
+Mother was Carrie's charge. As Dot and Jack were mine, it was a fair
+division of labor, only somehow Carrie had always so much to do.
+
+Mother used to fret sometimes about it, and complain that Carrie sat
+up too late burning the midnight oil in her little room; but I never
+could find out what kept her up. I was much happier about Carrie now
+--she seemed brighter and in better spirits. If she loathed her daily
+drudgery, she said little about it, and complained less. All her
+interests were reserved for Nightingale lane and Rowley street. The
+hours spent in those unsavory neighborhoods were literally her times
+of refreshment. Her poor people were very close to her heart, and
+often she told us about them as we sat working together in the
+evening, until mother grew quite interested, and used to ask after
+them by name, which pleased Carrie, and made a bond of sympathy
+between them. At such times I somehow felt a little sad, though I
+would not have owned it for worlds, for it seemed to me as though my
+work were so trivial compared to Carrie's--as though I were a poor
+little Martha, "careful and troubled about many things" about,
+Deborah's crossness and Jack's reckless ways, occupied with small
+minor duties--dressing Dot, and tidying Jack's and Uncle Geoffrey's
+drawers; while Carrie was doing angel's work; reclaiming drunken
+women, and teaching miserable degraded children, and then coming home
+and playing sweet sacred fragments of Handel to soothe mother's worn
+spirits, or singing her the hymns she loved. Alas! I could not sing
+except in church, and my playing was a poor affair compared to
+Carrie's.
+
+I felt it most on Sundays, when Carrie used to go off to the Sunday
+school morning and afternoon, and left me to the somewhat monotonous
+task of hearing Jack her catechism and giving Dot his Scripture
+lesson. Sunday was always a trial to Dot. He was not strong enough to
+go to church--the service would have wearied him too much--his few
+lessons were soon done, and then time used to hang heavily on his
+hands.
+
+At last the grand idea came to me to set him to copy Scripture maps,
+and draw small illustrations of any Biblical scene that occurred in
+the lesson of the day. I have a book full of his childish fancies
+now, all elaborately colored on week-days--"Joseph and his Brethren"
+in gaudy turbans, and wonderfully inexpressive countenances,
+reminding me of Flurry's dolls; the queen of Sheba, coming before
+Solomon, in a marvelous green tiara and yellow garments; a headless
+Goliath, expressed with a painful degree of detail, more fit for the
+Wirtz Gallery than a child's scrap-book.
+
+Dot used frequently to write letters to Allan, to which I often
+added copious postscripts. I never could coax Dot to write to Fred,
+though Fred sent him plenty of kind messages, and many a choice
+little parcel of scraps and odds and ends, such as Dot liked.
+
+Fred was getting on tolerably, he always told us. He had rooms in
+St. John's Wood, which he shared with two other artists; he was
+working hard, and had some copying orders. Allan saw little of him;
+they had no friends in common, and no community of taste. Never were
+brothers less alike or with less sympathy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+"I WISH I HAD A DOT OF MY OWN."
+
+
+Months passed over, and found us the same busy, tranquil little
+household. I used to wonder how my letters could interest Allan so
+much as he said they did; I could find so little to narrate. And,
+talking of that, it strikes me that we are not sufficiently thankful
+for the monotony of life. I speak advisedly; I mean for the quiet
+uniformity and routine of our daily existence. In our youth we
+quarrel a little with its sameness and regularity; it is only when
+the storms of sudden crises and unlooked-for troubles break over our
+thankful heads that we look back with regret to those still days of
+old.
+
+Nothing seemed to happen, nothing looked different. Mother grew a
+little stronger as the summer passed, and took a few more household
+duties on herself. Dot pined and pinched as the cold weather came on,
+as he always did, and looked a shivering, shabby Dot sometimes.
+Jack's legs grew longer, and her frocks shorter, and we had to tie
+her hair to keep it out of her eyes, and she stooped more, and grew
+round-shouldered, which added to her list of beauties; but no one
+expected grace from Jack.
+
+At the Cedars things went on as usual, that Flurry left off calling
+me Miss Cameron, and took to Esther instead, somewhat scandalizing
+Miss Lucas, until she began taking to it herself. "For you are so
+young, and you are more Flurry's playfellow than her governess," she
+said apologetically; "it is no good being stiff when we are such old
+friends." And after that I always called her Miss Ruth.
+
+"Don't you want see to Roseberry, Esther?" asked Flurry, one day
+--that was the name of the little seaside place where Mr. Lucas had a
+cottage. "Aunt Ruth says you must come down with us next summer; she
+declares she has quite set her heart on it."
+
+"Oh, Flurry, that would be delightful!--but how could I leave mother
+and Dot?" I added in a regretful parenthesis. That was always the
+burden of my song--Mother and Dot.
+
+"Dot must come, too," pronounced Flurry, decidedly; and she actually
+proposed to Miss Ruth at luncheon that "Esther's little brother
+should be invited to Roseberry." Miss Ruth looked at me with kindly
+amused eyes, as I grew crimson and tried to hush Flurry.
+
+"We shall see," she returned, in her gentle voice; "if Esther will
+not go without Dot, Dot must come too." But though the bare idea was
+too delightful, I begged Miss Ruth not to entertain such an idea for
+a moment.
+
+I think Flurry's little speech put a kind thought into Miss Ruth's
+head, for when she next invited us to drive with her, the gray horses
+stopped for an instant at Uncle Geoffrey's door, and the footman
+lifted Dot in his little fur-lined coat, and placed him at Miss
+Ruth's side. And seeing the little lad's rapture, and Flurry's
+childish delight, she often called for him, sometimes when she was
+alone, for she said Dot never troubled her; he could be as quiet as a
+little mouse when her head ached and she was disinclined to talk.
+
+I said nothing happened; but one day I had a pleasant surprise, just
+when I did not deserve it; for it was one of my fractious days--days
+of moods and tenses I used to called them--when nothing seemed quite
+right, when I was beset by that sort of grown-up fractiousness that
+wants to be petted and put to bed, and bidden to lie still like a
+tired child.
+
+Winter had set in in downright earnest, and in those cold dark
+mornings early rising seemed an affront to the understanding, and a
+snare to be avoided by all right-minded persons; yet notwithstanding
+all that, a perverse, fidgety notion of duty drove me with a scourge
+of mental thorns from my warm bed. For I was young and healthy, and
+why should I lie there while Deborah and Martha broke the ice in
+their pitchers, and came downstairs with rasped red faces and
+acidulated tempers? I was thankful not to do likewise, to know I
+should hear in a few minutes a surly tap at the door, with the little
+hot-water can put down with protesting evidence. Even then it was
+hard work to flesh and blood, with no dewy lawn, no bird music now to
+swell my morning's devotion with tiny chorus of praise; only a hard
+frozen up world, with a trickle of meager sunshine running through it.
+
+But my hardest work was with Dot; he used to argue drowsily with me
+while I stood shivering and awaiting his pleasure. Why did I not go
+down to the fire if I were cold? He was not going to get up in the
+middle of the night to please any one; never mind the robins--of
+which I reminded him gently--he wished he were a robin too, and could
+get up and go to bed with a neat little feather bed tacked to his
+skin--nice, cosy little fellows; and then he would draw the
+bedclothes round his thin little shoulders, and try to maintain his
+position.
+
+He quite whimpered on the morning in question, when I lifted him out
+bodily--such a miserable Dot, looking like a starved dove in his
+white plumage; but he cheered up at the sight of the fire and hot
+coffee in the snug parlor, and whispered a little entreaty for
+forgiveness as I stooped over him to make him comfortable.
+
+"You are tired, Esther," said my mother tenderly, when she saw my
+face that morning; "you must not get up so early this cold weather, my
+dear." But I held my peace, for who would dress Dot, and what would
+become of Jack? And then came a little lump in my throat, for I was
+tired and fractious.
+
+When I got to the Cedars a solemn stillness reigned in the nursery,
+and instead of an orderly room a perfect chaos of doll revelry
+prevailed. All the chairs were turned into extempore beds, and the
+twelve dolls, with bandaged heads and arms, were tucked up with the
+greatest care.
+
+Flurry met me with an air of great importance and her finger on her
+lip.
+
+"Hush, Esther, you must not make a noise. I am Florence Nightingale,
+and these are all the poor sick and wounded soldiers; look at this
+one, this is Corporal Trim, and he has had his two legs shot off."
+
+I recognized Corporal Trim under his bandages; he was the very doll
+Flossy had so grievously maltreated and had robbed of an eye; the
+waxen tip of his nose was gone, and a great deal of his flaxen wig
+besides--quite a caricature of a mutilated veteran.
+
+I called Flurry to account a little sternly, and insisted on her
+restoring order to the room. Flurry pouted and sulked; her heart was
+at Scutari, and her wits went wool-gathering, and refused dates and
+the multiplication table. To make matters worse, it commenced
+snowing, and there was no prospect of a walk before luncheon. Miss
+Ruth did not come down to that meal, and afterward I sat and knitted
+in grim silence. Discipline must be maintained, and as Flurry would
+not work, neither would I play with her; but I do not know which of
+us was punished the most.
+
+"Oh, how cross you are, Esther, and it is Christmas eve!" cried
+Flurry at last, on the verge of crying. It was growing dusk, and
+already shadows lurked in the corner of the room, Flurry looked at me
+so wistfully that I am afraid I should have relented and gone on a
+little with Juliet, only at that moment she sprang up joyfully at the
+sound of her aunt's voice calling her, and ran out to the top of the
+dark staircase.
+
+"We are to go down, you and I; Aunt Ruth wants us," she exclaimed,
+laying violent hands on my work. I felt rather surprised at the
+summons, for Miss Ruth never called us at this hour, and it would
+soon be time for me to go home.
+
+The drawing-room looked the picture of warm comfort as we entered
+it; some glorious pine logs were crackling and spluttering in the
+grate, sending out showers of colored sparks.
+
+Miss Ruth was half-buried in her easy-chair, with her feet on the
+white fleecy rug, and the little square tea-table stood near her,
+with its silver kettle and the tiny blue teacups.
+
+"You have sent for us, Miss Ruth," I said, as I crossed the room to
+her; but at that instant another figure I had not seen started up
+from a dark corner, and caught hold of me in rough, boyish fashion.
+
+"Allan! oh Allan! Allan!" my voice rising into a perfect crescendo
+of ecstasy at the sight of his dear dark face. Could anything be more
+deliciously unexpected? And there was Miss Ruth laughing very softly
+to herself at my pleasure.
+
+"Oh, Allan, what does this mean," I demanded, "when you told us
+there was no chance of your spending Christmas with us? Have you been
+home? Have you seen mother and Dot? Have you come here to fetch me
+home?"
+
+Allan held up his hands as he took a seat near me.
+
+"One question at a time, Esther. I had unexpected leave of absence
+for a week, and that is why you see me; and as I wanted to surprise
+you all, I said nothing about it. I arrived about three hours ago,
+and as mother thought I might come and fetch you, why I thought I
+would, and that you would be pleased to see me; that is all my
+story," finished Allan, exchanging an amused glance with Miss Ruth.
+They had never met before, and yet they seemed already on excellent
+terms. All an made no sort of demur when Miss Ruth insisted that we
+should both have some tea to warm us before we went. I think he felt
+at home with her at once.
+
+Flurry seemed astonished at our proceeding. She regarded Allan for a
+long time very solemnly, until he won her heart by admiring Flossy;
+then she condescended to converse with him.
+
+"Are you Esther's brother, really?"
+
+"Yes, Miss Florence--I believe that is your name."
+
+"Florence Emmeline Lucas," she repeated glibly. "I'm Flurry for
+short; nobody calls me Florence except father sometimes. It was dear
+mamma's name, and he always sighs when he says it."
+
+"Indeed," returned Allan in an embarrassed tone; and then he took
+Flossy on his knee and began to play with him.
+
+"Esther is rich," went on Flurry, rather sadly. "She has three
+brothers; there's Fred, and you, and Dot. I think she likes Dot best,
+and so do I. What a pity I haven't a Dot of my own! No brothers; only
+father and Aunt Ruth."
+
+"Poor little dear," observed Allan compassionately--he was always
+fond of children. His hearty tone made Flurry look up in his face.
+"He is a nice man," she said to me afterward; "he likes Flossy and
+me, and he was pleased when I kissed him."
+
+I did not tell Flurry that Allan had been very much astonished at
+her friendship.
+
+"That is a droll little creature," he said, as we left the house
+together; "but there is something very attractive about her. You have
+a nice berth there, Esther. Miss Lucas seems a delightful person," an
+opinion in which I heartily agreed. Then he asked me about Mr. Lucas;
+but I had only Flurry's opinion to offer him on that subject, and he
+questioned me in his old way about my daily duties. "Mother thinks
+you are overworked, and you are certainly looking a little thin,
+Esther. Does not Carrie help you enough? And what is this I have just
+heard about the night school?"
+
+Our last grievance, which I had hitherto kept from Allan; but of
+course mother had told him. It was so nice to be walking there by his
+side, with the crisp white snow beneath our feet, and the dark sky
+over our heads; no more fractiousness now, when I could pour out all
+my worries to Allan.
+
+Such a long story I told him; but the gist of it was this; Carrie
+had been very imprudent; she would not let well alone, or be content
+with a sufficient round of duties. She worked hard with her pupils
+all day, and besides that she had a district and Sunday school; and
+now Mrs. Smedley had persuaded her to devote two evenings of her
+scanty leisure to the night school.
+
+"I think it is very hard and unjust to us," I continued rather
+excitedly. "We have so little of Carrie--only just the odds and ends
+of time she can spare us. Mrs. Smedley has no right to dictate to us
+all, and to work Carrie in the way she does. She has got an influence
+over her, and she uses it for her own purposes, and Carrie is weak to
+yield so entirely to her judgment; she coaxes her and flatters her,
+and talks about her high standard and unselfish zeal for the work;
+but I can't understand it, and I don't think it right for Carrie to
+be Mrs. Smedley's parochial drudge."
+
+"I will talk to Carrie," returned Allan, grimly; and he would not
+say another word on the subject. But I forgot all my grievances
+during the happy evening that followed.
+
+Allan was in such spirits! As frolicsome as a boy, he would not let
+us be dull, and so his talk never flagged for a moment. Dot laughed
+till the tears ran down his cheeks when Allan kicked over the mending
+basket, and finally ordered Martha to take it away. When Carrie
+returned from the night school, she found us all gathered round the
+fire in peaceful idleness, listening to Allan's stories, with Dot on
+the rug, basking in the heat like a youthful salamander.
+
+I think Allan must have followed her up to her room, for just as I
+was laying my head on the pillow there was a knock at the door, and
+Carrie entered with her candle, fully dressed, and with a dark circle
+round her eyes.
+
+She put down the light, so as not to wake Jack, and sat down by my
+side with a weary sigh.
+
+"Why did you all set Allan to talk to me?" she began reproachfully.
+"Why should I listen to him more than to you or mother? I begin to
+see that a man's foes are indeed of his own household."
+
+I bit my lips to keep in a torrent of angry words. I was out of
+patience with Carrie, even a saint ought to have common sense, I
+thought, and I was so tired and sleepy, and to-morrow was Christmas
+Day.
+
+"I could not sleep until I came and told you what I thought about
+it," she went on in her serious monotone. I don't think she even
+noticed my exasperated silence. "It is of no use for Allan to come
+and preach his wordly wisdom to me; we do not measure things by the
+same standard, he and I. You are better, Esther, but your hard
+matter-of-fact reasoning shocks me sometimes."
+
+"Oh, Carrie! why don't you create a world of your own," I demanded,
+scornfully, "if we none of us please you--not even Allan?"
+
+"Now you are angry without cause," she returned, gently, for Carrie
+rarely lost her temper in an argument; she was so meekly obstinate
+that we could do nothing with her. "We cannot create our own world,
+Esther; we can only do the best we can with this. When I am working
+so hard to do a little good in Milnthorpe, why do you all try to
+hinder and drag me back?"
+
+"Because you are _over_doing it, and wearing yourself out," I
+returned, determined to have my say; but she stopped me with quiet
+peremptoriness.
+
+"No more of that, Esther; I have heard it all from Allan. I am not
+afraid of wearing out; I hope to die in harness. Why, child, how can
+you be so faint-hearted? We cannot die until our time comes."
+
+"But when we court death it is suicide," I answered, stubbornly; but
+Carrie only gave one of her sweet little laughs.
+
+"You foolish Esther! who means to die, I should like to know? Why,
+the child is actually crying. Listen to me, you dear goosie. I was
+never so happy or well in my life." I shook my head sorrowfully, but
+she persisted in her statement. "Mrs. Smedley has given me new life.
+How I do love that woman! She is a perfect example to us--of
+unselfishness and energy. She says I am her right hand, and I do
+believe she means it, Esther." But I only groaned in answer. "She is
+doing a magnificent work in Milnthrope," she continued, "and I feel
+so proud that I am allowed to assist her. Do you know, I had twenty
+boys in my class this evening; they would come to me, though Miss
+Miles' class was nearly empty." And so she went on, until I felt all
+over prickles of suppressed nervousness. "Well, good-night," she
+said, at last, when I could not he roused into any semblance of
+interest; "we shall see which of us be right by-and-by."
+
+"Yes, we shall see," I answered, drowsily; but long after she left I
+muttered the words over and over to myself, "We shall see."
+
+Yes, by-and-by the light of Divine truth would flash over our
+actions, and in that pure radiance every unworthy work would wither
+up to naught--every unblessed deed retreat into outer darkness. Which
+would be right, she or I?
+
+I know only too well that, taking the world as a whole, we ought to
+_encourage_ Christian parochial work, because too many girls who
+possess the golden opportunity of leisure allow it to be wasted, and
+so commit the "sin of omission;" but there would have been quite as
+much good done had Carrie dutifully helped in our invalid home and
+cheered us all to health by her bright presence. And besides, I
+myself could then perhaps have taken a class at me night school if
+the stocking-mending and the other multitudinous domestic matters
+could have allowed it.
+
+The chimes of St. Barnabas were pealing through the midnight air
+before I slept. Above was the soft light of countless stars, sown
+broadcast over the dark skies. Christmas was come, and the angel's
+song sounding over the sleeping earth.
+
+"Peace and goodwill to men"--peace from weary arguments and
+fruitless regret, peace on mourning hearts, on divided homes, on
+mariners tossing afar on wintry seas, and peace surely on one
+troubled girlish heart that waited for the breaking of a more perfect
+day.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+MISS RUTH'S NURSE.
+
+
+Miss Ruth insisted on giving me a week's holiday, that I might avail
+myself of Allan's society; and as dear mother still persisted that I
+looked pale and in need of change, Allan gave me a course of bracing
+exercise in the shape of long country walks with him and Jack, when
+we plowed our way over half-frozen fields and down deep, muddy lanes,
+scrambling over gates and through hedges, and returning home laden
+with holly berries and bright red hips and haws.
+
+On Allan's last evening we were invited to dine at the Cedars--just
+Uncle Geoffrey, Allan, and I. Miss Ruth wrote such a pretty letter.
+She said that her brother thought it was a long time since he had
+seen his old friend Dr. Cameron, and that he was anxious to make
+acquaintance with his nephew and Flurry's playfellow--this was Miss
+Ruth's name for me, for we had quite dropped the governess between us.
+
+Allan looked quite pleased, and scouted my dubious looks; he had
+taken a fancy to Miss Ruth, and wanted to see her again. He laughed
+when I said regretfully that it was his last evening, and that I
+would rather have spent it quietly at home with him. I was shy at the
+notion of my first dinner-party; Mr. Lucas' presence would make it a
+formal affair.
+
+And then mother fretted a little that I had no evening-dress ready.
+I could not wear white, so all my pretty gowns were useless; but I
+cheered her up by my assuring her that such things did not matter in
+our deep mourning. And when I had dressed myself in my black
+cashmere, with soft white ruffles and a little knot of Christmas
+roses and ferns which Carrie had arranged in my dress, mother gave a
+relieved sigh, and thought I should do nicely, and Allan twisted me
+round, and declared I was not half so bad after all, and that, though
+I was no beauty, I should pass, with which dubious compliment I was
+obliged to content myself.
+
+"I wish you were going in my stead, Carrie," I whispered, as she
+wrapped me in mother's warm fleecy shawl, for the night was
+piercingly cold.
+
+"I would rather stay with mother," she answered quietly. And then
+she kissed me, and told me to be a good child, and not to be
+frightened of any one, in her gentle, elder sisterly way. It never
+occurred to her to envy me my party or my pleasant position at the
+Cedars, or to compare her own uncongenial work with mine. These sorts
+of petty jealousies and small oppositions were impossible to her; her
+nature was large and slightly raised, and took in wider vistas of
+life than ours.
+
+My heart sank a little when I heard the sharp vibrating sound of
+Mrs. Smedley's voice as we were announced. I had no idea that the
+vicar and his wife were to be invited, but they were the only guests
+beside ourselves. I never could like Mrs. Smedley and to the very
+last I never changed my girlish opinion of her. I have a curious
+instinctive repugnance to people who rustle through life; whose
+entrances and exits are environed with noise; who announce their
+intentions with the blast of the trumpet. Mrs. Smedley was a wordy
+woman. She talked much and well, but her voice was loud and jarring.
+She was not a bad-looking woman. I daresay in her younger days she
+had been handsome, for her features were very regular and her
+complexion good; but I always said that she had worn herself thin
+with talking. She was terribly straight and angular (I am afraid I
+called it bony); she had sharp high cheek bones, and her hands were
+long and lean. On this evening she wore a rich brown brocade, that
+creaked and rustled with every movement, and some Indian bangles that
+jingled every time she raised her arm. I could not help comparing her
+to Miss Ruth, who sat beside her, looking lovely in a black velvet
+gown, and as soft and noiseless as a little mouse. I am afraid Mrs.
+Smedley's clacking voice made her head ache terribly for she grew
+paler and paler before the long dinner was over. As Miss Ruth greeted
+me, I saw Mr. Lucas cross the room with Flurry holding his hand.
+
+"Flurry must introduce me to her playfellow," he said, with a kind
+glance at us both, as the child ran up to me and clasped me close.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how I have wanted you and Juliet," she whispered; but
+her father heard her.
+
+"I am afraid Flurry has had a dull week of it," he said, taking a
+seat beside us, and lifting the little creature to his knee. How
+pretty Flurry looked in her dainty white frock, all embroidery and
+lace, with knots of black ribbons against her dimpled shoulders, and
+her hair flowing round her like a golden veil! Such a little fairy
+queen she looked!
+
+"Father has been telling me stories," she observed, confidently;
+"they were very pretty ones, but I think I like Juliet best. And, oh!
+Esther, Flossy has broken Clementina's arm--that is your favorite
+doll, you know."
+
+"Has Miss Cameron a doll, too?" asked Mr. Lucas, and I thought he
+looked a little quizzical.
+
+"I always call it Esther's," returned Flurry, seriously. "She is
+quite fond of it, and nurses it sometimes at lessons."
+
+But I could bear no more. Mrs. Smedley was listening, I was sure,
+and it did sound so silly and babyish, and yet I only did it to
+please Flurry.
+
+"I am afraid you think me very childish," I stammered, for I
+remembered that game of battledore and shuttlecock, and how excited I
+had been when I had achieved two hundred. But as I commenced my
+little speech, with burning cheeks and a lip that would quiver with
+nervousness, he quietly stopped me.
+
+"I think nothing to your discredit, Miss Cameron. I am too grateful
+to you for making my little girl's life less lonely. I feel much
+happier about her now, and so does my sister." And then, as dinner
+was announced, he turned away and offered his arm to Mrs. Smedley.
+
+Mr. Smedley took me in and sat by me, but after a few cursory
+observations he left me to my own devices and talked to Miss Ruth. I
+was a little disappointed at this, for I preferred him infinitely to
+his wife, and I had always found his sermons very helpful; but I
+heard afterward that he never liked talking to young ladies, and did
+not know what to say to them. Carrie was an exception. She was too
+great a favorite with them both ever to be neglected. Mr. Lucas'
+attention was fully occupied by his voluble neighbor. Now and then he
+addressed a word to me, that I might not feel myself slighted, but
+Mrs. Smedley never seconded his efforts.
+
+Ever since I had refused to teach in the Sunday school she had
+regarded me with much head-shaking and severity. To her I was simply
+a frivolous, uninteresting young person, too headstrong to be guided.
+She always spoke pityingly of "your poor sister Esther" to Carrie, as
+though I were in a lamentable condition. I know she had heard of
+Flurry's doll, her look was so utterly contemptuous.
+
+To my dismay she commenced talking to Mr. Lucas about Carrie. It was
+very bad taste, I thought, with her sister sitting opposite to her;
+but Carrie was Mrs. Smedley's present hobby, and she always rode her
+hobby to death. No one else heard her, for they were all engaged with
+Miss Ruth.
+
+"Such an admirable creature," she was saying, when my attention was
+attracted to the conversation; "a most lovely person and mind, and
+yet so truly humble. I confess I love her as though she were a
+daughter of my own." Fancy being Mrs. Smedley's daughter! Happily,
+for their own sakes, she had no children. "Augustus feels just the
+same; he thinks so highly of her. Would you believe it, Mr. Lucas,
+that though she is a daily governess like her sister," with a sharp
+glance at poor little miserable me, "that that dear devoted girl
+takes house to house visitation in that dreadful Nightingale lane and
+Rowley street?" Was it my fancy, or did Mr. Lucas shrug his shoulders
+dubiously at this? As Mrs. Smedley paused here a moment, as though
+she expected an answer, he muttered, "Very praiseworthy, I am sure,"
+in a slightly bored tone.
+
+"She has a class in the Sunday-school besides, and now she gives two
+evenings a week to Mr. Smedley's night school. She is a pattern to
+all the young ladies of the place, as I do not fail to tell them."
+
+Why Mr. Lucas looked at me at that moment I do not know, but
+something in my face seemed to strike him, for he said, in a curious
+sort of tone, that meant a great deal, if I had only understood it:
+
+"You do not follow in your sister's footsteps, then, Miss Cameron?"
+
+"No, I do not," I answered abruptly, far too abruptly, I am afraid;
+"human beings cannot be like sheep jumping through a hedge--if one
+jumps, they all jump, you know."
+
+"And you do not like that," with a little laugh, as though he were
+amused.
+
+"No, I must be sure it is a safe gap first, and not a short cut to
+nowhere," was my inexplicable response. I do not know if Mr. Lucas
+understood me, for just then Miss Ruth gave the signal for the ladies
+to rise. The rest of the evening was rather a tedious affair. I
+played a little, but no one seemed specially impressed, and I could
+hear Mrs. Smedley's voice talking loudly all the time.
+
+Mr. Lucas did not address me again; he and Uncle Geoffrey talked
+politics on the rug. The Smedleys went early, and just as we were
+about to follow their example a strange thing happened; poor Miss
+Ruth was taken with one of her bad attacks.
+
+I was very frightened, for she looked to me as though she were
+dying; but Uncle Geoffrey was her doctor, and understood all about
+it, and Allan quietly stood by and helped him.
+
+Mr. Lucas rang for nurse, who always waited on Miss Ruth as well as
+Flurry, but she had gone to bed with a sick headache. The housemaid
+was young and awkward, and lost her head entirely, so Uncle Geoffrey
+sent her away to get her mistress' room ready, and he and Allan
+carried Miss Ruth up between them; and a few minutes afterward I
+heard Allan's whistle, and ran out into the hall.
+
+"Good-night, Esther," he said, hurriedly; I am just going to the
+surgery for some medicine. Uncle Geoffrey thinks you ought to offer
+your services for the night, as that girl is no manner of use; you
+had better go up now."
+
+"But, Allan, I do not understand nursing in the least," for this
+suggestion terrified me, and I wanted the walk home with Allan, and a
+cozy chat when every one had gone to bed; but, to my confusion, he
+merely looked at me and turned on his heel. Allan never wasted words
+on these occasions; if people would not do their duty he washed his
+hands of them. I could not bear him to be disappointed in me, or
+think me cowardly and selfish, so I went sorrowfully up to Miss
+Ruth's room, and found Uncle Geoffrey coming in search of me.
+
+"Oh, there you are, Esther," he said, in his most business-like
+tone, taking it for granted, as a matter of course, that I was going
+to stay. "I want you to help Miss Lucas to get comfortably to bed;
+she is in great pain, and cannot speak to you just yet; but you must
+try to assist her as well as you can. When the medicine comes, I will
+take a final look at her, and give you your orders." And then he
+nodded to me and went downstairs. There was no help for it; I must do
+my little best, and say nothing about it.
+
+Strange to say, I had never been in Miss Ruth's room before. I knew
+where it was situated, and that its windows looked out on the garden,
+but I had no idea what sort of a place it was.
+
+It was not large, but so prettily fitted up, and bore the stamp of
+refined taste, in every minute detail. I always think a room shows
+the character of its owner; one can judge in an instant, by looking
+round and noticing the little ornaments and small treasured
+possessions.
+
+I once questioned Carrie rather curiously about Mrs. Smedley's room,
+and she answered, reluctantly, that it was a large, bare-looking
+apartment, with an ugly paper, and full of medicine chests and
+work-baskets; nothing very comfortable or tasteful in its arrangements.
+I knew it; I could have told her so without seeing it.
+
+Miss Ruth's was very different; it was perfectly crowded with pretty
+things, and yet not too many of them. And such beautiful pictures
+hung on the walls, most of them sacred: but evidently chosen with a
+view to cheerfulness. Just opposite the bed was "The Flight into
+Egypt;" a portrait of Flurry; and some sunny little landscapes, most
+of them English scenes, finished the collection. There were some
+velvet lined shelves, filled with old china, and some dear little
+Dresden shepherdesses on the mantelpiece. A stand of Miss Ruth's
+favorite books stood beside her lounge chair, and her inlaid Indian
+desk was beside it.
+
+I was glad Miss Ruth liked pretty things; it showed such charming
+harmony in her character. Poor Miss Ruth, she was evidently suffering
+severely, as she lay on her couch in front of the fire; her hair was
+unbound, and fell in thick short lengths over her pillow, reminding
+me of Flurry's soft fluff, but not quite so bright a gold.
+
+I was sadly frightened when I found she did not open her eyes or
+speak to me. I am afraid I bungled sadly over my task, though she was
+quite patient and let me do what I liked with her. It seemed terribly
+long before I had her safely in her bed. When her head touched the
+pillows, she raised her eyelids with difficulty.
+
+"Thank you," she whispered; "you have done it so nicely, dear, and
+have not hurt me more than you could help," and then she motioned me
+to kiss her. Dear patient Miss Ruth!
+
+I had got the room all straight before Uncle Geoffrey came back, and
+then Mr. Lucas was with him. Miss Ruth spoke to them both, and took
+hold of her brother's hand as he leaned over her.
+
+"Good-night, Giles; don't worry about me; Esther is going to take
+care of me." She took it for granted, too. "Dr. Cameron's medicine
+will soon take away the pain."
+
+Uncle Geoffrey's orders were very simple; I must watch her and keep
+up the fire, and give her another dose if she were to awake in two
+hours' time; and if the attack came on again, I must wake nurse, in
+spite of her headache, as she knew what to do; and then he left me.
+
+"You are very good to do this," Mr. Lucas said, as he shook hands
+with me. "Have you been used to nursing?"
+
+I told him, briefly, no; but I was wise enough not to add that I
+feared I should never keep awake, in Spite of some very strong coffee
+Uncle Geoffrey had ordered me; but I was so young, and with such an
+appetite for sleep.
+
+I took out my faded flowers when they left me, said my prayers, and
+drank my coffee, and then tried to read one of Miss Ruth's books, but
+the letters seemed to dance before my eyes. I am afraid I had a short
+doze over Hiawatha, for I had a confused idea that I was Minnehaha
+laughing-water; and I thought the forest leaves were rustling round
+me, when a coal dropped out of the fire and startled me.
+
+It woke Miss Ruth from her refreshing sleep; but the pain had left
+her, and she looked quite bright and like herself.
+
+"I am a bad sleeper, and often lie awake until morning," she said,
+as I shook up her pillows and begged her to lie down again. "No, it
+is no good trying again just now, I am so dreadfully wide awake. Poor
+Esther! how tired you look, being kept out of your bed in this way."
+And she wanted me to curl myself up on the couch and go to sleep, but
+I stoutly refused; Uncle Geoffrey had said I was to watch her until
+morning. When she found I was inexorable in my resolution to keep
+awake, she began to talk.
+
+"I wonder if you know what pain is, Esther--real positive agony?"
+and when I assured her that a slight headache was the only form of
+suffering I had ever known, she gave a heavy sigh.
+
+"How strange, how fortunate, singular too, it seems to me. No pain!
+that must be a foretaste of heaven;" and she repeated, dreamily, "no
+more pain there. Oh, Esther, if you knew how I long sometimes for
+heaven."
+
+The words frightened me, somehow; they spoke such volumes of
+repressed longing. "Dear Miss Ruth, why?" I asked, almost timidly.
+
+"Can you ask why, and see me as I am to-night?" she asked, with
+scarcely restrained surprise. "If I could only bear it more patiently
+and learn the lesson it is meant to teach me, 'perfect through
+suffering,' the works of His chisel!" And then she softly repeated
+the words,
+
+  "Shedding soft drops of pity
+  Where the sharp edges of the tool have been."
+
+"I always loved that stanza so; it gave me the first idea I ever
+quite grasped how sorry He is when He is obliged to hurt us." And as
+I did not know how to answer her, she begged me to fetch the book,
+and she would show me the passage for myself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+I WAS NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS.
+
+
+I had no idea Miss Ruth could talk as she did that night. She seemed
+to open her heart to me with the simplicity of a child, giving me a
+deeper insight into a very lovely nature. Carrie had hitherto been my
+ideal, but on this night I caught myself wondering once or twice
+whether Carrie would ever exercise such patience and uncomplaining
+endurance under so many crossed purposes, such broken work.
+
+"I was never quite like other people," she said to me when I had
+closed the book; "you know I was a mere infant in my nurse's arms,
+when that accident happened." I nodded, for I had heard the sad
+details from Uncle Geoffrey; how an unbroken pair of young horses had
+shied across the road just as the nurse who was carrying Miss Ruth
+was attempting to cross it; the nurse had been knocked down and
+dreadfully injured, and her little charge had been violently thrown
+against the curb, and it had been thought by the doctor that one of
+the horses must have kicked her. For a long time she lay in a state
+of great suffering, and it was soon known that her health had
+sustained permanent injury.
+
+"I was always a crooked, stunted little thing," she went on, with a
+lovely smile. "My childhood was a sad ordeal; it was just battling
+with pain, and making believe that I did not mind. I used to try and
+bear it as cheerfully as I could, because mother fretted so over me;
+but in secret I was terribly rebellious, often I cried myself to
+sleep with angry passionate tears, because I was not like other girls.
+
+"Do you care to hear all this?" interrupting herself to look at my
+attentive face. It must have been a sufficient answer, for she went
+on talking without waiting for me to speak.
+
+"Giles was very good to me, but it was hard on him for his only
+sister to be such a useless invalid. He was active and strong, and I
+could not expect to keep him chained to my couch--I was always on a
+couch then--he had his friends and his cricket and football, and I
+could not expect to see much of him, I had to let him go with the rest.
+
+"Things went on like this--outward submission and inward revolt--much
+affection, but little of the grace of patience, until the eve of
+my confirmation, when a stranger came to preach at the parish church.
+I never heard his name before, and I never have heard it since.
+People said he came from a distance; but I shall never forget that
+sermon to my dying day, or the silvery penetrating voice that
+delivered it.
+
+"It was as though a message from heaven was brought straight to me,
+to the poor discontented child who sat so heart weary and desponding
+in the corner of the pew. I cannot oven remember the text; it was
+something about the suffering of Christ, but I knew that it was
+addressed to the suffering members of His church, and that he touched
+upon all physical and mental pain. And what struck me most was that
+he spoke of pain as a privilege, a high privilege and special
+training; something that called us into a fuller and inner fellowship
+with our suffering head.
+
+"He told us the heathen might dread pain, but not the Christian;
+that one really worthy of the name must be content to be the cross
+bearer, to tread really and literally in the steps of the Master.
+
+"What if He unfolded to us the mystery of pain? Would He not unfold
+the mystery of love too? What generous souls need fear that dread
+ordeal, that was to remove them from the outer to the inner court?
+Ought they not to rejoice that they were found worthy to share His
+reproach? He said much more than this, Esther, but memory is so weak
+and betrays one. But he had flung a torch into the darkest recesses
+of my soul, and the sudden light seemed to scorch and shrivel up all
+the discontent and bitterness; and, oh, the peace that succeeded; it
+was as though a drowning mariner left off struggling and buffeting
+with the waves that were carrying him to the shore, but just lay
+still and let himself be floated in."
+
+"And you were happier," I faltered, as she suddenly broke off, as
+though exhausted.
+
+"Yes, indeed," she returned softly. "Pain was not any more my enemy,
+but the stern life companion He had sent to accompany me--the cross
+that I must carry out of love to Him; oh, how different, how far more
+endurable! I took myself in hand by-and-by when I grew older and had
+a better judgment of things. I knew mine was a life apart, a
+separated life; by that I mean that I should never know the joy of
+wifehood or motherhood, that I must create my own little world, my
+own joys and interests."
+
+"And you have done so."
+
+"Yes, I have done so; I am a believer in happiness; I am quite sure
+in my mind that our beneficent Creator meant all His creatures to be
+happy, that whatever He gives them to bear, that He intends them to
+abide in the sunshine of His peace, and I determined to be happy. I
+surrounded my-self with pretty things, with pictures that were
+pleasant to the eye and recalled bright thoughts. I made my books my
+friends, and held sweet satisfying communion with minds of all ages.
+I cultivated music, and found intense enjoyment in the study of
+Handel and Beethoven.
+
+"When I got a little stronger I determined to be a worker too, and
+glean a little sheaf or two after the reapers, if it were only a
+dropped ear now and then.
+
+"I took up the Senana Mission. You have no idea how important I have
+grown, or what a vast correspondence I have kept up--the society
+begin to find me quite useful to them--and I have dear unknown
+correspondents whom I love as old friends, and whose faces I shall
+only see, perhaps, when we meet in heaven.
+
+"When dear Florence died--that was my sister-in-law, you know--I
+came to live with Giles, and to look after Flurry. I am quite a
+responsible woman, having charge of the household, and trying to be a
+companion to Giles; confess now, Esther, it is not such a useless
+life after all?"
+
+I do not know what I answered her. I have a dim recollection that I
+burst into some extravagant eulogium or other, for she colored to her
+temples and called me a foolish child, and begged me seriously never
+to say such things to her again.
+
+"I do not deserve all that, Esther, but you are too young to judge
+dispassionately; you must recollect that I have fewer temptations
+than other people. If I were strong and well I might be worldly too."
+
+"No, never," I answered indignantly; "you would always be better
+than other people, Miss Ruth--you and Carrie--oh, why are you both so
+good?" with a despairing inflection in my voice. "How you must both
+look down on me."
+
+"I know some one who is good, too," returned Miss Ruth, stroking my
+hair. "I know a brave girl who works hard and wears herself out in
+loving service, who is often tired and never complains, who thinks
+little of herself, and yet who does much to brighten other lives, and
+I think you know her too, Esther?" But I would not let her go on; it
+was scant goodness to love her, and Allan, and Dot. How could any one
+do otherwise? And what merit could there be in that?
+
+But though I disclaimed her praise, I was inwardly rejoiced that she
+should think such things of me, and should judge me worthy of her
+confidence. She was treating me as though I were her equal and
+friend, and, to do her justice the idea of my being a governess never
+seemed to enter into hers or Mr. Lucas' head.
+
+They always treated me from this time as a young friend, who
+conferred a favor on them by coming. My salary seemed to pass into my
+hand with the freedom of a gift. Perhaps it was that Uncle Geoffrey
+was such an old and valued friend, and that Miss Ruth knew that in
+point of birth the Camerons were far above the Lucases, for we were
+an old family whom misfortune had robbed of our honors.
+
+However this may be, my privileges were many, and the yoke of
+service lay lightly on my shoulders. Poor Carrie, indeed, had to eat
+the bitter bread of dependence, and to take many a severe rebuke from
+her employer. Mrs. Thorne was essentially a vulgar-minded woman. She
+was affected by the adventitious adjuncts of life; dress, mere
+station and wealth weighed largely in her view of things. Because we
+were poor, she denied our claim to equality; because Carrie taught
+her children, she snubbed and repressed her, to keep her in her
+place, as though Carrie were a sort of Jack-in-the-box to be jerked
+back with every movement.
+
+When Miss Ruth called on mother, Mrs. Thorne shrugged her shoulders,
+and wondered at the liberality of some people's views. When we were
+asked to dinner at the Cedars (I suppose Mrs. Smedley told her, for
+Carrie never gossiped), Mrs. Thorne's eye brows were uplifted in a
+surprised way. Her scorn knew no bounds when she called one
+afternoon, and saw Carrie seated at Miss Ruth's little tea-table; she
+completely ignored her through the visit, except to ask once after
+her children's lessons. Carrie took her snubbing meekly, and seemed
+perfectly indifferent. Her quiet lady-like bearing seemed to impress
+Miss Ruth most favorably, for when Carrie took her leave she kissed
+her, a thing she had never done before. I looked across at Mrs.
+Thorne, and saw her tea-cup poised half-way to her lips. She was
+transfixed with astonishment.
+
+"I envy you your sister, Esther," said Miss Ruth, busying herself
+with the silver kettle. "She is a dear girl--a very dear girl."
+
+"Humph!" ejaculated Mrs. Thorne. She was past words, and soon after
+she took her departure in a high state of indignation and dudgeon.
+
+I did not go home the next day. Allan came to say good-by to me,
+Uncle Geoffrey followed him, and he and Mr. Lucas both decided that I
+could not be spared. Nurse was somewhat ailing, and Uncle Geoffrey
+had to prescribe for her too; and as Miss Ruth recovered slowly from
+these attacks, she would be very lonely, shut up in her room.
+
+Miss Ruth was overjoyed when I promised to stay with her as long as
+they wanted me. Allan had satisfied my scruples about Jack and Dot.
+
+"They all think you ought to stay," he said. "Mother was the first
+to decide that. Martha has promised to attend to Dot in your absence.
+She grumbled a little, and so did he; but that will not matter. Jack
+must look after herself," finished this very decided young man, who
+was apt to settle feminine details in rather a summary fashion.
+
+If mother said it was my duty to remain, I need not trouble my head
+about minor worries; the duty in hand, they all thought, was with
+Miss Ruth, and with Miss Ruth I would stay.
+
+"It will be such a luxury to have you, Esther," she said, in her old
+bright way. "My head is generally bad after these attacks, and I
+cannot read much to myself, and with all my boasted resolution the
+hours do seem very long. Flurry must spare you to me after the
+morning, and we will have nice quiet times together."
+
+So I took possession of the little room next hers, and put away the
+few necessaries that mother had sent me, with a little picture of
+Dot, that he had drawn for me; but I little thought that afternoon
+that it would be a whole month before I left it.
+
+I am afraid that long visit spoiled me a little; it was so pleasant
+resuming some of the old luxuries. Instead of the cold bare room
+where Jack and I slept, for, in spite of all our efforts, it did look
+bare in the winter, I found a bright fire burning in my cozy little
+chamber, and casting warm ruddy gleams over the white china tiles;
+the wax candles stood ready for lighting on the toilet table; my
+dressing gown was aging in company with my slippers; everything so
+snug and essential to comfort, to the very eider-down quilt that
+looked so tempting.
+
+Then in the morning, just to dress myself and go down to the
+pleasant dining-room, with the great logs spluttering out a bright
+welcome, and the breakfast table loaded with many a dainty. No
+shivering Dot to coerce into good humor; no feckless Jack to frown
+into order; no grim Deborah to coax and help. Was it very wicked that
+I felt all this a relief? Then how deliciously the days passed; the
+few lessons with Flurry, more play than work; the inspiriting ramble
+ending generally with a peep at mother and Dot!
+
+The cozy luncheons, at which Flurry and I made our dinners, where
+Flurry sat in state at the bottom of the table and carved the
+pudding, and gave herself small airs of consequence, and then the
+long quiet afternoons with Miss Ruth.
+
+I used to write letters at her dictation, and read to her, not
+altogether dry reading, for she dearly loved an amusing book. It was
+the "Chronicles of Carlingford" we read, I remember; and how she
+praised the whole series, calling them pleasant wholesome pictures of
+life. We used to be quite sorry when Rhoda, the rosy-cheeked
+housemaid, brought up the little brass kettle, and I had to leave off
+to make Miss Ruth's tea. Mr. Lucas always came up when that was over,
+to sit with his sister a little and tell her all the news of the day,
+while I went down to Flurry, whom I always found seated on the
+library sofa, with her white frock spreading out like wings, waiting
+to sit with father while he ate his dinner.
+
+I always had supper in Miss Ruth's room, and never left her again
+till nurse came in to put her comfortable for the night. Flurry used
+to run in on her way to bed to hug us both and tell us what father
+had said.
+
+"You are father's treasure, his one ewe lamb, are you not?" said
+Miss Ruth once, as she drew the child fondly toward her; and when she
+had gone, running off with her merry laugh, she spoke almost with a
+sigh of her brother's love for the child.
+
+"Giles's love for her almost resembles idolatry. The child is like
+him, but she has poor Florence's eyes and her bright happy nature. I
+tremble sometimes to think what would become of him if he lost her. I
+have lived long enough to know that God sometimes takes away 'the
+desire of a man's eyes, all that he holds most dear.'"
+
+"But not often," I whispered, kissing her troubled brow, for a look
+of great sadness came over her face at the idea; but her words
+recurred to me by-and-by when I heard a short conversation between
+Flurry and her father.
+
+After the first fortnight Miss Ruth regained strength a little, and
+though still an invalid was enabled to spend some hours downstairs.
+Before I left the Cedars she had resumed all her old habits, and was
+able to preside at her brother's dinner-table.
+
+I joined them on these occasions, both by hers and Mr. Lucas'
+request, and so became better acquainted with Flurry's father.
+
+One Sunday afternoon I was reading in the drawing-room window, and
+trying to finish my book by the failing wintry light, when Flurry's
+voice caught my attention; she was sitting on a stool at her father's
+feet turning over the pages of her large picture Bible. Mr. Lucas had
+been dozing, I think, for there had been no conversation. Miss Ruth
+had gone upstairs.
+
+"Father," said the little one, suddenly, in her eager voice, "I do
+love that story of Isaac. Abraham was such a good man to offer up his
+only son, only God stopped him, you know. I wonder what his mother
+would have done if he had come home, and told her he had killed her
+boy. Would she have believed him, do you think? Would she have ever
+liked him again?"
+
+"My little Florence, what a strange idea to come into your small
+head." I could tell from Mr. Lucas' tone that such an idea had never
+occurred to him. What would Sarah have said as she looked upon her
+son's destroyer? Would she have acquiesced in that dread obedience,
+that sacrificial rite?
+
+"But, father dear," still persisted Flurry, "I can't help thinking
+about it; it would have been so dreadful for poor Sarah. Do you think
+you would have been like Abraham, father; would you have taken the
+knife to slay your only child?"
+
+"Hush, Florence," cried her father, hoarsely, and he suddenly caught
+her to him and kissed her, and bade her run away to her Aunt Ruth
+with some trifling message or other. I could see her childish
+question tortured him, by the strained look of his face, as he
+approached the window. He had not known I was there, but when he saw
+me he said almost irritably, only it was the irritability of
+suppressed pain:
+
+"What can put such thoughts in the child's head? I hope you do not
+let her think too much, Miss Cameron?"
+
+"Most children have strange fancies," I returned, quietly. "Flurry
+has a vivid imagination; she thinks more deeply than you could credit
+at her age; she often surprises me by the questions she asks. They
+show an amount of reasoning power that is very remarkable."
+
+"Let her play more," he replied, in a still more annoyed voice. "I
+hate prodigies; I would not have Flurry an infant phenomenon for the
+world. She has too much brain-power; she is too excitable; you must
+keep her back Miss Cameron."
+
+"I will do what I can," I returned humbly; and then, as he still
+looked anxious and ill at ease, I went on, "I do not think you need
+trouble about Flurry's precocity; children often say these things.
+Dot, my little brother--Frankie, I mean--would astonish you with some
+of his remarks. And then there was Jack," warming up with my subject;
+"Jack used to talk about harps and angels in the most heavenly way,
+till mother cried and thought she would die young; and look at Jack
+now--a strong healthy girl, without an ounce of imagination." I could
+see Mr. Lucas smile quietly to himself in the dusk, for he knew Jack,
+and had made more than one quizzical remark on her; but I think my
+observation comforted him a little, for he said no more, only when
+Flurry returned he took her on his knees and told her about a
+wonderful performing poodle he had seen, as a sort of pleasant
+interlude after her severe Biblical studies.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+"WE HAVE MISSED DAME BUSTLE."
+
+
+One other conversation lingered long in my memory, and it took place
+on my last evening at the Cedars. On the next day I was going home to
+mother and Dot, and yet I sighed! Oh, Esther, for shame!
+
+It was just before dinner. Miss Ruth had been summoned away to see
+an old servant of the family, and Flurry had run after her. Mr. Lucas
+was standing before the fire, warming himself after the manner of
+Englishmen, and I sat at Miss Ruth's little table working at a fleecy
+white shawl, that I was finishing to surprise mother.
+
+There was a short silence between us, for though I was less afraid
+of Mr. Lucas than formerly, I never spoke to him unless he addressed
+me; but, looking up from my work a moment, I saw him contemplating me
+in a quiet, thoughtful way, but he smiled pleasantly when our eyes met.
+
+"This is your last evening, I think, Miss Cameron?"
+
+"Indeed it is," I returned, with a short sigh.
+
+"You are sorry to leave us?" he questioned, very kindly; for I think
+he had heard the sigh.
+
+"I ought not to be sorry," I returned, stoutly; "for I am going home."
+
+"Oh! and home means everything with you!"
+
+"It means a great deal," knitting furiously, for I was angry at
+myself for being so sorry to leave; "but Miss Ruth has been so good
+to me that she has quite spoiled me. I shall not be half so fit for
+all the hard work I have at home.
+
+"That is a pity," he returned, slowly, as though he were revolving
+not my words, but some thoughts in his own mind. "Do you know I was
+thinking of something when you looked up just now. I was wondering
+why you should not remain with us altogether." I put down my knitting
+at that, and looked him full in the face; I was so intensely
+surprised at his words. "You and my sister are such friends; it would
+be pleasant for her to have you for a constant companion, for I am
+often busy and tired, and----" He paused as though he would have
+added something, but thought better of it. "And she is much alone. A
+young lively girl would rouse her and do her good, and Flurry would
+be glad of you."
+
+"I should like it very much," I returned, hesitatingly, "if it were
+not for mother and Dot." Just for the moment the offer dazzled me and
+blinded my common sense. Always to occupy my snug little pink
+chamber; to sit with Miss Ruth in this warm, luxurious drawing-room;
+to be waited on, petted, spoiled, as Miss Ruth always spoiled people.
+No wonder such a prospect allured a girl of seventeen.
+
+"Oh, they will do without you," he returned, with a man's
+indifference to female argument. He and Allan were alike in the
+facility with which they would knock over one's pet theories. "You
+are like other young people, Miss Cameron; you think the world cannot
+get on without you. When you are older you will get rid of this
+idea," he continued, turning amused eyes on my youthful perplexity.
+"It is only the young who think one cannot do without them," finished
+this worldly-wise observer of human nature.
+
+Somehow that stung me and put me on my mettle, and in a moment I had
+arrayed the whole of my feeble forces against so arbitrary an
+arrangement of my destiny.
+
+"I cannot help what other young people think," I said, in rather a
+perverse manner; "they may be wise or foolish as they like, but I am
+sure of one thing, that mother and Dot cannot do without me."
+
+I am afraid my speech was rather rude and abrupt, but Mr. Lucas did
+not seem to mind it. His eyes still retained their amused twinkle,
+but he condescended to argue the point more seriously with me, and
+sat down in Miss Ruth's low chair, as though to bring himself more on
+a level with me.
+
+"Let me give you a piece of advice, Miss Cameron; never be too sure
+of anything. Granted that your mother will miss you very badly at
+first (I can grant you that, if you like), but there is your sister
+to console her; and that irresistible Jack--how can your mother, a
+sensible woman in her way, let a girl go through life with such a
+name?"
+
+"She will not answer to any other,"' I returned, half offended at
+this piece of plain speaking; but it was true we had tried
+Jacqueline, and Lina, and Jack had always remained obstinately deaf.
+
+"Well, well, she will get wiser some day, when she grows into a
+woman; she will take more kindly to a sensible name then; but as I
+was saying, your mother may miss you, but all the same she may be
+thankful to have you so well established and in so comfortable a
+position. You will be a member of the family, and be treated as well
+as my sister herself; and the additional salary may be welcome just
+now, when there are school-bills to pay."
+
+It seemed clear common sense, put in that way, but not for one
+instant would I entertain such a proposition seriously. The more
+tempting it looked, the more I distrusted it. Mr. Lucas might be
+worldly-wise, but here I knew better than he. Would a few pounds more
+reconcile mother to my vacant place, or cheer Dot's blank face when
+he knew Esther had deserted him?
+
+"You are very good," I said, trying to keep myself well in hand, and
+to speak quietly--but now my cheeks burned with the effort; "and I
+thank you very much for your kind thought, but----"
+
+"Give me no buts," he interrupted, smiling; "and don't thank me for
+a piece of selfishness, for I was thinking most of my sister and
+Flurry."
+
+"But all the same I must thank you," I returned, firmly; "and I
+would like you to believe how happy I should have been if I could
+have done this conscientiously."
+
+"It is really so impossible?" still incredulously.
+
+"Really and truly, Mr. Lucas. I am worth little to other people, I
+know, but in their estimation I am worth much. Dot would fret badly;
+and though mother would make the best of it--she always does--she
+would never get over the missing, for Carrie is always busy, and Jack
+is so young, and----"
+
+"There is the dinner bell, and Ruth still chattering with old nurse.
+That is the climax of our argument. I dare say no more, you are so
+terribly in earnest, Miss Cameron, and so evidently believe all you
+say; but all the same, mothers part with their daughters sometimes,
+very gladly, too, under other circumstances; but there, we will let
+the subject drop for the present." And then he looked again at me
+with kindly amused eyes, refusing to take umbrage at my obstinacy;
+and then, to my relief, Miss Ruth interrupted us.
+
+I felt rather extinguished for the rest of the evening. I did not
+dare tell Miss Ruth, for fear she would upbraid me for my refusal. I
+knew she would side with her brother, and would think I could easily
+be spared from home. And if Carrie would only give up her parish
+work, and fit into the niche of the daughter of the house, she could
+easily fulfill all my duties. If--a great big "if" it was--an "if"
+that would spoil Carrie's life, and destroy all those sweet solemn
+hopes of hers. No, no; I must not entertain such a thought for a
+moment.
+
+Mr. Lucas had spoiled my last evening for me, and I think he knew
+it, for he came to my side as I was putting away my work, and spoke a
+few contrite words.
+
+"Don't let our talk worry you," he said, in so low a voice that Miss
+Ruth could not hear his words. "I am sure you were quite right to
+decide as you did--judging from your point of view, I mean, for of
+course I hold a different opinion. If you ever see fit to change your
+decision, you must promise to come and tell me." And of course I
+promised unhesitatingly.
+
+Miss Ruth followed me to my room, and stood by the fire a few minutes.
+
+"You look grave to-night, Esther, and I flatter myself that it is
+because you are sorry that your visit has come to an end."
+
+"And you are right," I returned, throwing my arms round her light
+little figure. Oh, how dearly I had grown to love her! "I would like
+to be always with you, Miss Ruth; to wait upon you and be your
+servant. Nothing would be beneath me--nothing. You are fond of me a
+little, are you not?" for somehow I craved for some expression of
+affection on this last night. Miss Ruth was very affectionate, but a
+little undemonstrative sometimes in manner.
+
+"I am very fond of you, Esther," she replied, turning her sweet eyes
+to me, "and I shall miss my kind, attentive nurse more than I can
+say. Poor Nurse Gill is getting quite jealous of you. She says Flurry
+is always wild to get to her playfellow, and will not stay with her
+if she can help it, and that now I can easily dispense with her
+services for myself. I had to smooth her down, Esther; the poor old
+creature quite cried about it, but I managed to console her at last."
+
+"I was always afraid that Mrs. Gill did not like me," I returned, in
+a pained voice, for somehow I always disliked hurting people's
+feelings.
+
+"Oh, she likes you very much; you must not think that. She says Miss
+Cameron is a very superior young lady, high in manner, and quite the
+gentlewoman. I think nurse's expression was 'quite the lady, Miss
+Ruth.'"
+
+"I have never been high in manner to her," I laughed. "We have a
+fine gossip sometimes over the nursery fire. I like Mrs. Gill, and
+would not injure her feelings for the world. She is so kind to Dot,
+too, when he comes to play with Flurry."
+
+"Poor little man, he will be glad to get his dear Esther back," she
+returned, in a sympathizing voice; and then she bade me good-night,
+and begged me to hasten to bed, as St. Barnabas had just chimed eleven.
+
+I woke the next morning with a weight upon me, as though I were
+expecting some ordeal; and though I scolded myself vigorously for my
+moral cowardice, and called myself a selfish, lazy girl, I could not
+shake off the feeling.
+
+Never had Miss Ruth seemed so dear to me as she had that day. As the
+hour approached for my departure I felt quite unhappy at the thought
+of even leaving her for those few hours.
+
+"We shall see you in the morning," she said, quite cheerfully, as I
+knelt on the rug, drawing on my warm gloves. I fancied she noticed my
+foolish, unaccountable depression, and would not add to it by any
+expression of regret.
+
+"Oh, yes," I returned, with a sort of sigh, as I glanced round the
+room where I had passed the evenings so pleasantly of late, and
+thought of the mending basket at home. I was naughty, I confess it;
+there were absolutely tears in my eyes, as I ran out into the cold
+dusk of a February evening.
+
+The streets were wet and gleaming, the shop lights glimmered on
+pools of rain-water; icy drops pattered down on my face; the brewers'
+horses steamed as they passed with the empty dray; the few foot
+passengers in High street shuffled along as hastily as they could;
+even Polly Pattison's rosy face looked puckered up with cold as she
+put up the shutters of the Dairy.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey's voice hailed me on the doorstep.
+
+"Here you are, little woman. Welcome home! We have missed Dame
+Bustle dreadfully;" and as he kissed me heartily I could not help
+stroking his rough, wet coat sleeve in a sort of penitent way.
+
+"Have you really missed me? It is good of you to say so, Uncle Geoff."
+
+"The house has not felt the same," he returned, pushing me in before
+him, and bidding me shake my cloak as I took it off in the passage.
+
+And then the door opened, and dear mother came out to help me. As I
+felt her gentle touch, and heard Dot's feeble "Hurrah! here is
+Esther!" the uncomfortable, discontented feelings vanished, and my
+better self regained the mastery. Yes, it was homely and shabby; but
+oh! so sunny and warm! I forgot Miss Ruth when Dot's beautiful little
+face raised itself from the cushions of the sofa, on which I had
+placed him, and he put his arms round me as I knelt down beside him,
+and whispered that his back was bad, and his legs felt funny, and he
+was so glad I was home again, for Martha was cross, and had hard
+scrubby hands, and hurt him often, though she did not mean it. This
+and much more did Dot whisper in his childish confidence.
+
+Then Jack came flying in, with Smudge, as usual, in her arms, and a
+most tumultuous welcome followed. And then came Carrie, with her soft
+kiss and few quiet words. I thought she looked paler and thinner than
+when I left home, but prettier than ever; and she, too, seemed
+pleased to see me. I took off my things as quickly as I could--not
+stopping to look round the somewhat disorderly room, where Jack had
+worked her sweet will for the last month--and joined the family at
+the tea-table. And afterward I sat close to mother, and talked to her
+as I mended one of Dot's shirts.
+
+Now and then my thoughts strayed to a far different scene--to a room
+lighted up with wax candles in silver sconces, and the white china
+lamp that always stood on Miss Ruth's little table.
+
+I could see in my mind's eye the trim little figure in black silk
+and lace ruffles, the diamonds gleaming on the small white hands.
+Flurry would be on the rug in her white frock, playing with the
+Persian kittens; most likely her father would be watching her from
+his armchair.
+
+I am afraid I answered mother absently, for, looking up, I caught
+her wistful glance at me. Carrie was at her night school, and Uncle
+Geoffrey had been called out. Jack was learning her lessons in the
+front parlor, and only Dot kept us company.
+
+"You must find it very different from the Cedars," she said,
+regretfully; "all that luxury must have spoiled you for home, Esther.
+Don't think I am complaining, my love, if I say you seem a little
+dull to-night."
+
+"Oh, mother!" flushing up to my temples with shame and irritation at
+her words; and then another look at the worn face under the widow's
+cap restrained my momentary impatience. Dot, who was watching us,
+struck in in his childish way.
+
+"Do you like the Cedars best, Essie? Would you rather be with Flurry
+than me?"
+
+My own darling! The bare idea was heresy, and acted on me like a
+moral _douche_.
+
+"Oh! mother and Dot," I said, "how can you both talk so? I am not
+spoiled--I refuse to be spoiled. I love the Cedars, but I love my own
+dear little home best." And at this moment I believed my own words.
+"Dot, how can you be so faithless--how could I love Flurry best? And
+what would Allan say? You are our own little boy, you know; he said
+so, and you belong to us both." And Dot's childish jealousy vanished.
+As for dear mother, she smiled at me in a sweet, satisfied way.
+
+"That is like our own old Esther. You were so quiet all tea-time, my
+dear, that I fancied something was amiss. It is so nice having you
+working beside me again," she went on, with a little gentle artifice.
+"I have missed your bright talk so much in the evenings."
+
+"Has Carrie been out much?" I asked; but I knew what the answer
+would be.
+
+"Generally three evenings in the week," returned mother, with a
+sigh, "and her home evenings have been so engrossed of late. Mrs.
+Smedley gives her all sorts of things to do--mending and covering
+books; I hardly knew what."
+
+"Carrie never sings to us now," put in Dot.
+
+"She is too tired, that is what she always says; but I cannot help
+thinking a little music would be a healthy relaxation for her; but
+she will have it that with her it is waste of time," said mother.
+
+Waste of time to sing to mother! I broke my thread in two with
+indignation at the thought. Yes, I was wanted at home, I could see
+that; Deborah told me so in her taciturn way, when I went to the
+kitchen to speak to her and Martha.
+
+I had sad work with my room before I slept that night, when Jack was
+fast asleep; and I was tired out when I crept shivering into my cold
+bed. I hardly seemed to have slept an hour before I saw Martha's
+unlovely face bending over me with the flaming candle, so different
+from Miss Ruth's trim maid.
+
+"Time to get up, Miss Esther, if you are going to dress Master Dot
+before breakfast. It is mortal cold, to be sure, and raw as raw; but
+I have brought you a cup of hot tea, as you seemed a bit down last
+night."
+
+The good creature! I could have hugged her in my girlish gratitude.
+The tea was a delicious treat, and put new heart into me. I was quite
+fresh and rested when I went into Dot's little room. He opened his
+eyes widely when he saw me.
+
+"Oh, Esther! is it really you, and not that ugly old Martha?" he
+cried out, joyfully. "I do hate her, to be sure. I will be a good
+boy, and you shall not have any trouble." And thereupon he fell to
+embracing me as though he would never leave off.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+PLAYING IN TOM TIDLER'S GROUND.
+
+
+We had had an old-fashioned winter--weeks of frost to delight the
+hearts of the young skaters of Milnthorpe; clear, cold bracing days,
+that made the young blood in our veins tingle with the sense of new
+life and buoyancy; long, dark winter evenings, when we sat round the
+clear, red fire, and the footsteps of the few passengers under our
+window rang with a sort of metallic sound on the frozen pavements.
+
+What a rush of cold air when the door opened, what snow-powdered
+garments we used to bring into Deborah's spotless kitchen! Dot used
+to shiver away from my kisses, and put up a little mittened hand to
+ward me off. "You are like a snow-woman, Essie," he would say. "Your
+face is as hard and cold and red as one of the haws Flurry brought me."
+
+"She looks as blooming as a rose in June," Uncle Geoffrey answered
+once, when he heard Dot's unflattering comparison. "Be off, lassie,
+and take off those wet boots;" but as I closed the door he added to
+mother, "Esther is improving, I think; she is less angular, and with
+that clear fresh color she looks quite bonnie."
+
+"Quite bonnie." Oh, Uncle Geoffrey, you little knew how that speech
+pleased me.
+
+Winter lasted long that year, and then came March, rough and
+boisterous and dull as usual, with its cruel east wind and the dust,
+"a peck of which was worth a king's ransom," as father used to say.
+
+Then came April, variable and bright, with coy smiles forever
+dissolving in tears; and then May in full blossom and beauty giving
+promise of summer days.
+
+We used to go out in the lanes, Flurry and I, to gather the spring
+flowers that Miss Ruth so dearly loved. We made a primrose basket
+once for her room, and many a cowslip ball for Dot, and then there
+were dainty little bunches of violets for mother and Carrie, only
+Carrie took hers to a dying girl in Nightingale lane.
+
+The roads round Milnthorpe were so full of lovely things hidden away
+among the mosses, that I proposed to Flurry that we should collect
+basketsful for Carrie's sick people. Miss Ruth was delighted with the
+idea, and asked Jack and Dot to join us, and we all drove down to a
+large wood some miles from the town, and spent the whole of the
+spring afternoon playing in a new Tom Tidler's ground, picking up
+gold and silver. The gold lay scattered broadcast on the land, in
+yellow patches round the trunks of trees, or beyond in the gleaming
+meadows; and we worked until the primroses lay heaped up in the
+baskets in wild confusion, and until our eyes ached with the yellow
+gleam. I could hear Dot singing softly to himself as he picked
+industriously. When he and Flurry got tired they seated themselves
+like a pair of happy little birds on the low bough of a tree. I could
+hear them twittering softly to each other, as they swung, with their
+arms interlaced, backward and forward in the sunlight; now and then I
+caught fragments of their talk.
+
+"We shall have plenty of flowers to pick in heaven," Dot was saying
+as I worked near them.
+
+"Oh, lots," returned Flurry, in an eager voice, "red and white
+roses, and lilies of the valley, miles of them--millions and
+millions, for all the little children, you know. What a lot of
+children there will be, Dot, and how nice to do nothing but play with
+them, always and forever."
+
+"We must sing hymns, you know," returned Dot, with a slight
+hesitation in his voice. Being a well brought up little boy, he was
+somewhat scandalized by Flurry's views; they sounded somewhat earthly
+and imperfect.
+
+"Oh, we can sing as we play," observed Flurry, irreverently; she was
+not at all in a heavenly mood this afternoon. "We can hang up our
+harps, as they do in the Psalms, you know, and just gather flowers as
+long as we like."
+
+"It is nice to think one's back won't ache so much over it, there,"
+replied poor Dot, who was quite weak and limp from his exertions.
+"One of the best things about heaven is, though it all seems nice
+enough, that we shan't be tired. Think of that, Flurry--never to be
+tired!"
+
+"I am never tired, though I am sleepy sometimes," responded Flurry,
+with refreshing candor, "You forget the nicest part, you silly boy,
+that it will never be dark. How I do hate the dark, to be sure."
+
+Dot opened his eyes widely at this. "Do you?" he returned, in an
+astonished voice; "that is because you are a girl, I suppose. I never
+thought much about it. I think it is nice and cozy when one is tucked
+up in bed. I always imagine the day is as tired as I am, and that she
+has been put to bed too, in a nice, warm, dark blanket."
+
+"Oh, you funny Dot," crowed Flurry. But she would not talk any more
+about heaven; she was in wild spirits, and when she had swung enough
+she commenced pelting Dot with primroses. Dot bore it stoutly for
+awhile, until he could resist no longer, and there was a flowery
+battle going on under the trees.
+
+It was quite late in the day when the tired children arrived home.
+
+Carrie fairly hugged Dot when the overflowing baskets were placed at
+her feet.
+
+"These are for all the sick women and little children," answered
+Dot, solemnly; "we worked so hard, Flurry and I."
+
+"You are a darling," returned Carrie, dimpling with pleasure.
+
+I believe this was the sweetest gift we could have made her. Nothing
+for herself would have pleased her half so much. She made Jack and me
+promise to help her carry them the next day, and we agreed, nothing
+loth. We had quite a festive afternoon in Nightingale lane.
+
+I had never been with Carrie before in her rounds, and I was
+wonderfully struck with her manner to the poor folk; there was so
+much tact, such delicate sympathy in all she said and did. I could
+see surly faces soften and rough voices grow silent as she addressed
+them in her simple way. Knots of boys and men dispersed to let her
+pass.
+
+"Bless her sweet face!" I heard one old road-sweeper say; and all
+the children seemed to crowd round her involuntarily, and yet, with
+the exception of Dot, she had never seemed to care for children.
+
+I watched her as she moved about the squalid rooms, arranging the
+primroses in broken bowls, and even teacups, with a sort of
+ministering grace I had never noticed in her before. Mother had
+always praised her nursing. She said her touch was so soft and firm,
+and her movement so noiseless; and she had once advised me to imitate
+her in this; and as I saw the weary eyes brighten and the languid
+head raise itself on the pillow at her approach, I could not but own
+that Carrie was in her natural sphere.
+
+As we returned home with our empty baskets, she told us a great deal
+about her district, and seemed grateful to us for sharing her
+pleasure. Indeed, I never enjoyed a talk with Carrie more; I never so
+thoroughly entered into the interest of her work.
+
+One June afternoon, when I returned home a little earlier than
+usual, for Flurry had been called down to go out with her father, I
+found Miss Ruth sitting with mother.
+
+I had evidently disturbed a most engrossing conversation, for mother
+looked flushed and a little excited, as she always did when anything
+happened out of the common, and Miss Ruth had the amused expression I
+knew so well.
+
+"You are earlier than usual, my dear," said mother, with an odd
+little twitch of the lip, as though something pleased her. But here
+Dot, who never could keep a secret for five minutes, burst out in his
+shrill voice:
+
+"Oh, Essie, what do you think? You will never believe it--you and I
+and Flurry are going to Roseberry for six whole weeks."
+
+"You have forgotten me, you ungrateful child," returned Miss Ruth in
+a funny tone; "I am nobody, I suppose, so long as you get your dear
+Esther and Flurry."
+
+Dot was instinctively a little gentleman. He felt he had made a
+mistake; so he hobbled up to Miss Ruth, and laid his hand on hers:
+"We couldn't do without you--could we, Essie?" he said in a coaxing
+voice. "Esther does not like ordering dinners; she often says so, and
+she looks ready to cry when Deb brings her the bills. It will be ever
+so much nicer to have Miss Ruth, won't it, Esther?" But I was too
+bewildered to answer him.
+
+"Oh, mother, is it really true? Can you really spare us, and for six
+whole weeks? Oh, it is too delightful! But Carrie, does she not want
+the change more than I?"
+
+I don't know why mother and Miss Ruth exchanged glances at this; but
+mother said rather sadly:
+
+"Miss Lucas has been good enough to ask your sister, Esther; she
+thought you might perhaps take turns; but I am sorry to say Carrie
+will not hear of it. She says it will spoil your visit, and that she
+cannot be spared."
+
+"Our parochial slave-driver is going out of town," put in Miss Ruth
+dryly. She could be a little sarcastic sometimes when Mrs. Smedley's
+name was implied. In her inmost heart she had no more love than I for
+the bustling lady.
+
+"She is going to stay with her niece at Newport, and so her poor
+little subaltern, Carrie, cannot be absent from her post. One day I
+mean to give a piece of my mind to that good lady," finished Miss
+Ruth, with a malicious sparkle in her eyes.
+
+"Oh, it's no use talking," sighed mother, and there was quite a
+hopeless inflection in her voice. "Carrie is a little weak, in spite
+of her goodness. She is like her mother in that--the strongest mind
+governs her. I have no chance against Mrs. Smedley."
+
+"It is a shame," I burst out; but Miss Ruth rose from her chair,
+still smiling.
+
+"You must restrain your indignation till I have gone, Esther," she
+said, in mock reproof. "Your mother and I have done all we could, and
+have coaxed and scolded for the last half-hour. The Smedley influence
+is too strong for us. Never mind, I have captured you and Dot;
+remember, you must be ready for us on Monday week;" and with that she
+took her departure.
+
+Mother followed me up to my room, on pretense of looking over Jack's
+things, but in reality she wanted a chat with me.
+
+The dear soul was quite overjoyed at the prospect of my holiday; she
+mingled lamentations over Carrie's obstinacy with expressions of
+pleasure at the treat in store for Dot and me.
+
+"And you will not be lonely without us, mother?"
+
+"My dear, how could I be so selfish! Think of the benefit the sea
+air will be to Dot! And then, I can trust him so entirely to you."
+And thereupon she began an anxious inquiry as to the state of my
+wardrobe, which lasted until the bell rang.
+
+But, in spite of the delicious anticipations that filled me, I was
+not wholly satisfied, and when mother had said good-night to us I
+detained Carrie.
+
+She came back a little reluctantly, and asked me what I wanted with
+her. She looked tired, almost worn out, and the blue veins were far
+too perceptible on the smooth, white forehead. I noticed for the
+first time a hollowness about the temples; the marked restlessness of
+an over-conscientious mind was wearing out the body; the delicacy of
+her look filled me with apprehension.
+
+"Oh, Carrie!" I said, vehemently, "you are not well; this hot
+weather is trying you. Do listen to me, darling. I don't want to vex
+you, but you must promise me to come to Roseberry."
+
+To my surprise she drew back with almost a frightened look on her
+face; well, not that exactly, but a sort of scared, bewildered
+expression.
+
+"Don't, Esther. Why will none of you give me any peace? Is it not
+enough that mother and Miss Lucas have been talking to me, and now
+you must begin! Do you know how much it costs me to stand firm
+against you all? You distress me, you wear me out with your talk."
+
+"Why cannot we convince you?" I returned, with a sort of despair.
+"You are mother's daughter, not Mrs. Smedley's: you owe no right of
+obedience to that woman."
+
+"How you all hate her!" she sighed. "I must look for no sympathy
+from any of you--your one thought is to thwart me in every way."
+
+"Carrie!" I almost gasped, for she looked and spoke so unlike herself.
+
+"I don't mean to be unkind," she replied in a softening tone; "I
+suppose you all mean it for the best. Once for all, Esther, I cannot
+come to Roseberry. I have promised Mrs. Smedley to look after things
+in her absence, and nothing would induce me to forfeit my trust."
+
+"You could write to her and say you were not well," I began; but she
+checked me almost angrily.
+
+"I am well, I am quite well; if I long for rest, if the prospect of
+a little change would be delightful, I suppose I could resist even
+these temptations. I am not worse than many other girls; I have work
+to do, and must do it. No fears of possible breakdowns shall frighten
+me from my duty. Go and enjoy your holiday, and do not worry about
+me, Esther." And then she kissed me, and took up her candle.
+
+I was sadly crestfallen, but no arguments could avail, I thought;
+and so I let her go from me. And yet if I had known the cause of her
+sudden irritability, I should not so soon have given up all hope. I
+little knew how sorely she was tempted; how necessary some brief rest
+and change of scene was to her overwrought nerves. If I had only been
+patient and pleaded with her, I think I must have persuaded her; but,
+alas! I never knew how nearly she had yielded.
+
+There was no sleep for Dot that night. I found him in a fever of
+excitement, thumping his hot pillows and flinging himself about in
+vain efforts to get cool. It was no good scolding him; he had these
+sleepless fits sometimes; so I bathed his face and hands, and sat
+down beside him, and laid my head against the pillow, hoping that he
+would quiet down by-and-by. But nothing would prevent his talking.
+
+"I wish I were out with the flowers in the garden," he said; "I
+think it is stupid being tucked up in bed in the summer. Allan is not
+in bed, is he? He says he is often called up, and has to cross the
+quadrangle to go to a great bare room where they bind up broken
+heads. Should you like to be a doctor, Essie?"
+
+"If I were a man," I returned, confidently, "I should be either a
+clergyman or a doctor; they are the grandest and noblest of
+professions. One is a cure of bodies, and the other is a cure of
+souls."
+
+"Oh, but they hurt people," observed Dot, shrinking a little; "they
+have horrid instruments they carry about with them."
+
+"They only hurt people for their own good, you silly little boy.
+Think of all the dark sick rooms they visit, and the poor, helpless
+people they comfort. They spend their lives doing good, healing
+dreadful diseases, and relieving pain."
+
+"I think Allan's life will be more useful than Fred's," observed
+Dot. Poor little boy! Constant intercourse with grown-up people was
+making him precocious. He used to say such sharp, shrewd things
+sometimes.
+
+I sighed a little when he spoke of Fred. I could imagine him
+loitering through life in his velveteen coat, doing little spurts of
+work, but never settling down into thorough hard work.
+
+Allan's descriptions of his life were not very encouraging. His last
+letter to me spoke a little dubiously about Fred's prospects.
+
+"He is just a drawing-master, and nothing else," wrote Allan. "Uncle
+Geoffrey's recommendations have obtained admittance for him into one
+or two good houses, and I hear he has hopes of Miss Hemming's school
+in Bayswater. Not a very enlivening prospect for our elegant Fred!
+Fancy that very superior young man sinking into a drawing-master! So
+much for the hanging committee and the picture that is to represent
+the Cameron genius.
+
+"I went down to Acacia road on Thursday evening, and dimly perceived
+Fred across an opaque cloud of tobacco smoke. He and some kindred
+spirits were talking art jargon in this thick atmosphere.
+
+"Fred looked a Bohemian of Bohemians in his gaudy dressing-gown and
+velvet smoking-cap. His hair is longer than ever, and he has become
+aesthetic in his tastes. There was broken china enough to stock a
+small shop. I am afraid I am rather too much a Philistine for their
+notions. I got some good downright stares and shrugs over my tough
+John Bull tendencies.
+
+"Tell mother Fred is all right, and keeping out of debt, and so one
+must not mind a few harmless vagaries."
+
+"Broken china, indeed!" muttered Uncle Geoff when I had finished
+reading this clause. "Broken fiddlesticks! Why, the lad must be weak
+in his head to spend his money on such rubbish." Uncle Geoffrey was
+never very civil to Fred.
+
+Dot did not say any more, and I began a long story, to keep his
+tongue quiet. As it was purposely uninteresting, and told in a
+monotonous voice, it soon had the effect of making him drowsy. When I
+reached this point, I stole softly from the room. It was bright
+moonlight when I lay down in bed, and all night long I dreamed of a
+rippling sea and broad sands, over which Dot and I were walking, hand
+in hand.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+LIFE AT THE BRAMBLES.
+
+
+It was a lovely evening when we arrived at Roseberry.
+
+"We lead regular hermit lives at the Brambles, away from the haunts
+of men," observed Miss Ruth; but I was too much occupied to answer
+her. Dot and I were peeping through the windows of the little omnibus
+that was conveying us and our luggage to the cottage. Miss Ruth had a
+pretty little pony carriage for country use; but she would not have
+it sent to the station to meet us--the omnibus would hold us all, she
+said. Nurse could go outside; the other two servants who made up the
+modest establishment at the Brambles had arrived the previous day.
+
+Roseberry was a straggling little place, without much pretension to
+gentility. A row of white lodging-houses, with green verandas, looked
+over the little parade; there was a railed-in green enclosure before
+the houses, where a few children played.
+
+Half a dozen bathing-machines were drawn up on the beach; beyond was
+the Preventive station, and the little white cottages where the
+Preventive men lived, with neat little gardens in front.
+
+The town was rather like Milnthorpe, for it boasted only one long
+street. A few modest shops, the Blue Boar Inn, and a bow-windowed
+house, with "Library" painted on it in large characters, were mixed
+up with pleasant-looking dwelling houses. The little gray church was
+down a country road, and did not look as though it belonged to the
+town, but the schools were in High street. Beyond Roseberry were the
+great rolling downs.
+
+We had left the tiny parade and the lodging houses behind us, and
+our little omnibus seemed jolting over the beach--I believe they
+called it a road but it was rough and stony, and seemed to lead to
+the shore. It was quite a surprise when we drove sharply round a low
+rocky point, and came upon a low gray cottage, with a little garden
+running down to the beach.
+
+Truly a hermit's abode, the Brambles; not another house in sight;
+low, white chalky cliffs, with the green downs above them, and, far
+as we could see, a steep beach, with long fringes of yellow sands,
+with the grey sea breaking softly in the distance, for it was low
+tide, and the sun had set.
+
+"Is this too lonely for you, Esther?" asked Miss Ruth, as we walked
+up the pebbly path to the porch. It was a deep stone porch, with
+seats on either side, and its depth gave darkness to the little
+square hall, with its stone fireplace and oak settles.
+
+"What a delicious place!" was my answer, as I followed her from one
+room into another. The cottage was a perfect nest of cozy little
+rooms, all very tiny, and leading into each other.
+
+There was a snug dining-room that led into Mr. Lucas' study, and
+beyond that two little drawing-rooms, very small, and simply though
+prettily furnished. They were perfect summer rooms, with their Indian
+matting and muslin curtains, with wicker chairs and lounges, and
+brackets with Miss Ruth's favorite china.
+
+Upstairs the arrangements were just as simple; not a carpet was to
+be seen, only dark polishes floors and strips of Indian matting, cool
+chintz coverings, and furniture of the simplest maple and pine wood
+--a charming summer retreat, fitted up with unostentatious taste. There
+was a tiny garden at the back, shut in by a low chalk cliff, a rough
+zigzag path that goats might have climbed led to the downs, and there
+was a breach where we could enjoy the sweet air and wide prospect.
+
+It was quite a cottage garden. All the old-fashioned flowers bloomed
+there; little pink cabbage roses, Turks-caps, lilies, lupins, and
+monkshood and columbines. Everlasting peas and scarlet-runners ran
+along the wall, and wide-lipped convolvuli, scarlet weeds of poppies
+flaunted beside the delicate white harebells, sweet-william and
+gillyflowers, and humble southernwood, and homely pinks and fragrant
+clove carnations, and pansies of every shade in purple and golden
+patches.
+
+"Oh, Essie, it reminds me of our cottage; why, there are the lilies
+and the beehives, and there is the porch where you said you should
+sit on summer evenings and mend Allan's socks." And Dot leaned on his
+crutches and looked round with bright wide-open eyes.
+
+Our little dream cottage; well, it was not unlike it, only the sea
+and the downs and the low chalk cliffs were added. How Dot and I grew
+to love that garden! There was an old medlar tree, very gnarled and
+crooked, under which Miss Ruth used to place her little tea-table;
+the wicker chairs were brought out and there we often used to spend
+our afternoons, with little blue butterflies hovering round us, and
+the bees humming among the sweet thyme and marjoram, and sometimes an
+adventurous sheep looking down on us from the cliff.
+
+We led a perfect gypsy life at the Brambles; no one called on us,
+the vicar of Roseberry was away, and a stranger had taken his duty;
+no interloper from the outer world broke the peaceful monotony of our
+days, and the sea kept up its plaintive music night and day, and the
+larks sang to us, and the busy humming of insect life made an
+undertone of melody, and in early mornings the little garden seemed
+steeped in dew and fragrance. We used to rise early, and after
+breakfast Flurry and I bathed. There was a little bathing-room beyond
+the cottage with a sort of wooden bridge running over the beach, and
+there Flurry and I would disport ourselves like mermaids.
+
+After a brisk run on the sands or over the downs, we joined Miss
+Ruth on the beach, where we worked and talked, or helped the children
+build sand-castles, and deck them with stone and sea-weeds. What
+treasures we collected for Carrie's Sunday scholars; what stores of
+bright-colored seaweed--or sea flowers, as Dot persisted in calling
+them--and heaps of faintly-tinged shells!
+
+Flurry's doll family had accompanied us to the Brambles. "The poor
+dear things wanted change of air!" Flurry had decided; and in spite
+of my dissuasion, all the fair waxen creatures and their
+heterogeneous wardrobe had been consigned to a vast trunk.
+
+Flurry's large family had given her infinite trouble when we settled
+for our mornings on the beach. She traveled up and down the long
+stony hillocks to the cottage until her little legs ached, to fetch
+the twelve dolls. When they were all deposited in their white
+sun-bonnets under a big umbrella, to save their complexions, which,
+notwithstanding, suffered severely, then, and then only, would Flurry
+join Dot on the narrow sands.
+
+Sometimes the tide rose, or a sudden shower came on, and then great
+was the confusion. Once a receding wave carried out Corporal Trim,
+the most unlucky of dolls, to sea. Flurry wrung her hands and wept so
+bitterly over this disaster that Miss Ruth was quite frightened, and
+Flossy jumped up and licked his little mistress' face and the faces
+of the dolls by turns.
+
+"Oh, the dear thing is drownded," sobbed Flurry, as Corporal Trim
+floundered hopelessly in the surge. Dot's soft heart was so moved by
+her distress that he hobbled into the water, crutches and all, to my
+infinite terror.
+
+"Don't cry. Flurry; I've got him by the hair of his head," shouted
+Dot, valiantly shouldering the dripping doll. Flurry ran down the
+beach with the tears still on her cheeks, and took the wretched
+corporal and hugged him to her bosom.
+
+"Oh, my poor drownded Trim," cried Flurry tenderly, and a strange
+procession formed to the cottage. Flurry with the poor victim in her
+arms and Flossy jumping and barking delightedly round her, and
+snatching at the wet rags; Dot, also, wet and miserable, toiling up
+the beach on his crutches; Miss Ruth and I following with the eleven
+dolls.
+
+The poor corporal spent the rest of the day watching his own clothes
+drying by the kitchen fire, where Dot kept him company; Flurry
+trotted in and out, and petted them both. I am afraid Dot, being a
+boy, often found the dolls a nuisance, and could have dispensed with
+their company. There was a grand quarrel once when he flatly refused
+to carry one. "I can't make believe to be a girl," said Dot, curling
+his lip with infinite contempt.
+
+"We used to spend our afternoons in the garden. It was cooler than
+the beach, and the shade of the old medlar was refreshing. We
+sometimes read aloud to the children, but oftener they were working
+in their little gardens, or playing with some tame rabbits that
+belonged to Flurry. Dot always hobbled after Flurry wherever she
+went; he was her devoted slave. Flurry sometimes treated him like one
+of her dolls, or put on little motherly airs, in imitation of Miss
+Ruth.
+
+"You are tired, my dear boy; pray lean on me," we heard her once
+say, propping him with her childish arm. "Sit down in the shade, you
+must not heat yourself;" but Dot rather resented her care of him,
+after the fashion of boys, but on the whole they suited each other
+perfectly.
+
+In the evenings we always walked over the downs or drove with Miss
+Ruth in her pony carriage through the leafy lanes, or beside the
+yellow cornfields. The children used to gather large nosegays of
+poppies and cornflowers, and little pinky convolvuli. Sometimes we
+visited a farmhouse where some people lived whom Miss Ruth knew.
+
+Once we stopped and had supper there, a homely meal of milk, and
+brown bread, and cream cheese, with a golden honeycomb to follow,
+which we ate in the farmyard kitchen. What an exquisite time we had
+there, sitting in the low window seat, looking over a bright clover
+field. A brood of little yellow chickens ran over the red-brick
+floor, a black retriever and her puppies lay before the fire--fat
+black puppies with blunt noses and foolish faces, turning over on
+their backs, and blundering under every one's feet.
+
+Dot and Flurry went out to see the cows milked, and came back with
+long stories of the dear little white, curly-tailed pigs. Flurry
+wrote to her father the next day, and begged that he would buy her
+one for a pet. Both she and Dot were indignant when he told them the
+little pig they admired so much would become a great ugly sow like
+its mother.
+
+Mrs. Blake, the farmer's wife, took a great fancy to Dot, and begged
+him to come again, which both the children promised her most
+earnestly to do. They both carried off spoils of bright red apples to
+eat on the way.
+
+It was almost dark when we drove home through the narrow lanes; the
+hedgerows glimmered strangely in the dusk; a fresh sea-ladened wind
+blew in our faces across the downs, the lights shone from the
+Preventive station, and across the vague mist glimmered a star or
+two. How fragrant and still it was, only the soft washing of the
+waves on the beach to break the silence!
+
+Miss Ruth shivered a little as we rattled down the road leading to
+the Brambles. Dorcas, mindful of her mistress' delicacy, had lighted
+a little fire in the inner drawing-room, and had hot coffee waiting
+for us.
+
+It looked so snug and inviting that the children left it reluctantly
+to go to bed; but Miss Ruth was inexorable. This was our cozy hour;
+all through the day we had to devote ourselves to the children--we
+used to enjoy this quiet time to ourselves. Sometimes I wrote to
+mother or Carrie, or we mutually took up our books; but oftener we
+sat and talked as we did on this evening, until Nurse came to remind
+us of the lateness of the hour.
+
+Mr. Lucas paid us brief visits; he generally came down on Saturday
+evening and remained until Monday. Miss Ruth could never coax him to
+stay longer; I think his business distracted him, and kept his
+trouble at bay. In this quiet place he would have grown restless. He
+had bought the Brambles to please his wife, and she, and not Miss
+Ruth, had furnished it. They had spent happy summers there when
+Flurry was a baby. The little garden had been a wilderness until
+then; every flower had been planted by his wife, every room bore
+witness to her charming taste. No wonder he regarded it with such
+mingled feelings of pain and pleasure.
+
+Mr. Lucas made no difference to our simple routine. Miss Ruth and
+Flurry used to drive to the little station to meet him, and bring him
+back in triumph to the seven o'clock nondescript meal, that was
+neither dinner nor tea, nor supper, but a compound of all. I used to
+go up with the children after that meal, that he and Miss Ruth might
+enjoy their chat undisturbed. When I returned to the drawing-room
+Miss Ruth was invariably alone.
+
+"Giles has gone out for a solitary prowl," she would say; and he
+rarely returned before we went upstairs. Miss Ruth knew his habits,
+and seldom waited up to say good-night to him.
+
+"He likes better to be alone when he is in this mood," she would say
+sometimes. Her tact and cleverness in managing him were wonderful;
+she never seemed to watch him, she never let him feel that his morbid
+fits were noticed and humored, but all the same she knew when to
+leave him alone, and when to talk to him; she could be his bright
+companion, or sit silently beside him for hours. On Sunday mornings
+Mr. Lucas always accompanied us to church, and in the afternoon he
+sat with the children on the beach. Dot soon got very fond of him,
+and would talk to him in his fearless way, about anything that came
+into his head; Miss Ruth sometimes joined them, but I always went
+apart with my book.
+
+Mr. Lucas was so good to me that I could not bear to hamper him in
+the least by my presence; with grown-up people he was a little stiff
+and reserved, but with children he was his true self.
+
+Flurry doted on her father, and Dot told me in confidence that "he
+was the nicest man he had ever known except Uncle Geoffrey."
+
+I could not hear their talk from my nest in the cliff, but I am
+afraid Dot's chief occupation was to hunt the little scurrying crabs
+into a certain pool he had already fringed with seaweed. I could see
+him and Flurry carrying the big jelly-fishes, and floating them
+carefully. They had left their spades and buckets at home, out of
+respect for the sacredness of the day; but neither Flurry's clean
+white frock nor Dot's new suit hindered them from scooping out the
+sand with their hands, and making rough and ready ramparts to keep in
+their prey.
+
+Mr. Lucas used to lie on the beach with his straw hat over his eyes,
+and watch their play, and pet Flossy. When he was tired of inaction
+he used to call to the children, and walk slowly and thought fully
+on. Flurry used to run after him.
+
+"Oh, do wait for Dot, father," she would plead; nothing would induce
+her to leave her infirm and halting little playfellow. One day, when
+Mr. Lucas was impatient of his slow progress, I saw him shoulder him,
+crutches and all, and march off with him, Dot clapping his hands and
+shouting with delight. That was the only time I followed them; but I
+was so afraid Dot was a hindrance, and wanted to capture him, I
+walked quite a mile before I met them coming back.
+
+Mr. Lucas was still carrying Dot; Flurry was trotting beside him,
+and pretending to use Dot's crutches.
+
+"We have been ever so far, Essie," screamed Dot when he caught sight
+of me. "We have seen lots of seagulls, and a great cave where the
+smugglers used to hide."
+
+"Oh, Dot, you must not let Mr. Lucas carry you," I said, holding out
+my arms to relieve him of his burden. "You must stay with me, and I
+will tell you a story."
+
+"He is happier up here, aren't you, Frankie boy?" returned Mr.
+Lucas, cheerfully.
+
+"Oh, but he will tire you," I faltered.
+
+"Tire me, this little bundle of bones!" peeping at Dot over his
+shoulder; "why, I could walk miles with him. Don't trouble yourself
+about him, Miss Esther. We understand each other perfectly."
+
+And then he left me, walking with long, easy strides over the uneven
+ground, with Flurry running to keep up with him.
+
+They used to go on the downs after tea, and sit on the little green
+beach, while Miss Ruth and I went to church.
+
+Miss Ruth never would use her pony carriage on Sunday. A boy used to
+draw her in a wheel-chair. She never stayed at home unless she was
+compelled to do so. I never knew any one enjoy the service more, or
+enter more fully into it.
+
+No matter how out of tune the singing might be, she always joined in
+it with a fervor that quite surprised me. "Depend upon it, Esther,"
+she used to say, "it is not the quality of our singing that matters
+but how much our heart joins with the choir. Perfect praise and
+perfect music cannot be expected here; but I like to think old
+Betty's cracked voice, when she joins in the hymns, is as sweet to
+angels' ears as our younger notes."
+
+The children always waited up for us on Sunday evening, and
+afterward Miss Ruth would sing with them; sometimes Mr. Lucas would
+walk up and down the gravel paths listening to them, but oftener I
+could catch the red light of his cigar from the cliff seat.
+
+I wonder what sad thoughts came to him as the voices floated out to
+him, mixed up with the low ripple of waves on the sand.
+
+"Where loyal hearts and true"--they were singing that, I remember;
+Flurry in her childish treble. And Flurry's mother, lying in her
+quiet grave--did the mother in paradise, I wonder, look down from her
+starry place on her little daughter singing her baby hymn, and on
+that lonely man, listening from the cliff seat in the darkness?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+THE SMUGGLERS' CAVE.
+
+
+The six weeks passed only too rapidly, but Dot and I were equally
+delighted when Miss Ruth petitioned for a longer extension of
+absence, to which dear mother returned a willing consent.
+
+A little note was enclosed for me in Miss Ruth's letter.
+
+"Make your mind quite easy, my dear child," she wrote, "we are
+getting on very well, and really Jack is improving, and does all
+sorts of little things to help me; she keeps her room tidier, and I
+have not had to find fault with her for a week.
+
+"We do not see much of Carrie; she comes home looking very pale and
+fagged; your uncle grumbles sometimes, but I tell him words are
+wasted, the Smedley influence is stronger than ever.
+
+"But you need not think I am dull, though I do miss my bright,
+cheery Esther, and my darling Frankie. Jack and I have nice walks,
+and Uncle Geoffrey takes me sometimes on his rounds, and two or three
+times Mr. Lucas has sent the carriage to take us into the country; he
+says the horses need exercise, now his sister is away, but I know it
+is all his kindness and thought for us. I will willingly spare you a
+little longer, and am only thankful that the darling boy is deriving
+so much benefit from the sea air."
+
+Dear, unselfish mother, always thinking first of her children's
+interest, and never of her own wishes; and yet I could read between
+the lines, and knew how she missed us, especially Dot, who was her
+constant companion.
+
+But it was really the truth that the sea air was doing Dot good. He
+complained less of his back, and went faster and faster on his little
+crutches; the cruel abscesses had not tried him for months, and now
+it seemed to me that the thin cheeks were rounding out a little. He
+looked so sunburned and rosy, that I wished mother could have seen
+him. It was only the color of a faintly-tinged rose, but all the same
+it was wonderful for Dot. We had had lovely weather for our holiday;
+but at the beginning of September came a change. About a week after
+mother's letter had arrived, heavy storms of wind and rain raged
+round the coast.
+
+Miss Ruth and Dot were weather-bound, neither of them had strength
+to brave the boisterous wind; but Flurry and I would tie down our
+hats with our veils and run down the parade for a blow. It used to be
+quite empty and deserted; only in the distance we could see the shiny
+hat of the Preventive man, as he walked up and down with his telescope.
+
+I used to hold Flurry tightly by the hand, for I feared she would be
+blown off her feet. Sometimes we were nearly drenched and blinded
+with the salt spray.
+
+The sea looked so gray and sullen, with white curling waves leaping
+up against the sea wall; heaps of froth lay on the parade, and even
+on the green enclosure in the front of the houses. People said it was
+the highest tide they had known for years.
+
+Once I was afraid to take Flurry out, and ran down to the beach
+alone. I had to plant my feet firmly in the shingles, for I could
+hardly stand against the wind. What a wild, magnificent scene it was,
+a study in browns and grays, a strange colorless blending of faint
+tints and uncertain shading.
+
+As the waves receded there was a dark margin of heaped-up seaweed
+along the beach, the tide swept in masses of tangled things, the
+surge broke along the shore with a voice like thunder, great foamy
+waves leaped up in curling splendor and then broke to pieces in the
+gray abyss. The sky was as gray as the sea; not a living thing was in
+sight except a lonely seagull. I could see the gleam of the firelight
+through one of the windows of the cottage. It looked so warm and
+snug. The beach was high and dry round me, but a little beyond the
+Brambles the tide flowed up to the low cliffs. Most people would have
+shivered in such a scene of desolation, for the seagull and I had it
+all to ourselves, but the tumult of the wind and waves only excited
+me. I felt wild with spirits, and could have shouted in the
+exuberance of my enjoyment.
+
+I could have danced in my glee, as the foamy snowflakes fell round
+me, and my face grew stiff and wet with the briny air. The white
+manes of the sea-horses arched themselves as they swept to their
+destruction. How the wind whistled and raved, like a hunted thing!
+"They that go down to the sea in ships, and do their business in the
+deep waters," those words seemed to flash to me across the wild
+tumult, and I thought of all the wonders seen by the mariners of old.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how can you be so adventurous?" exclaimed Miss Ruth, as
+I thrust a laughing face and wet waterproof into the room; she and
+the children were sitting round the fire.
+
+"Oh, it was delicious," I returned. "It intoxicated me like new
+wine; you cannot imagine the mighty duet of the sea and wind, the
+rolling sullen bass, and the shrill crescendo."
+
+"It must have been horrible," she replied, with a little shiver. The
+wild tempestuous weather depressed her; the loud discordance of the
+jarring elements seemed to fret the quiet of her spirit.
+
+"You are quite right," she said to me as we sat alone that evening,
+"this sort of weather disturbs my tranquillity; it makes me restless
+and agitates my nerves. Last night I could not sleep; images of
+terror blended with my waking thoughts. I seemed to see great ships
+driving before the wind, and to hear the roaring of breakers and
+crashing of timbers against cruel rocks; and when I closed my eyes,
+it was only to see the whitened bones of mariners lying fathoms deep
+among green tangled seaweed."
+
+"Dear Miss Ruth, no wonder you look pale and depressed after such a
+night. Would you like me to sleep with you? the wind seems to act on
+me like a lullaby. I felt cradled in comfort last night."
+
+"You are so strong," she said, with a little sadness in her voice.
+"You have no nerves, no diseased sensibilities; you do not dread the
+evils you cannot see, the universe does not picture itself to you in
+dim terrors."
+
+"Why, no," I returned, wonderingly, for such suggestions were new to
+me.
+
+"Sleep your happy sleep, my dear," she said, tenderly, "and thank
+God for your perfect health, Esther. I dozed a little myself toward
+morning, before the day woke in its rage, and then I had a horrible
+sort of dream, a half-waking scare, bred of my night-terrors.
+
+"I thought I was tossing like a dead leaf in the gale; the wind had
+broken bounds, and carried me away bodily. Now I was lying along the
+margin of waves, and now swept in wide circles in the air.
+
+"The noise was maddening. The air seemed full of shrieks and cries,
+as though the universe were lost and bewailing itself, 'Lamentation
+and mourning and woe,' seemed written upon the lurid sky and sea. I
+thought of those poor lovers in Dante's 'Inferno,' blown like
+spectral leaves before the infernal winds of hell; but I was alone in
+this tumultuous torrent.
+
+"I felt myself sinking at last into the dim, choking surge--it was
+horribly real, Esther--and then some one caught me by the hair and
+drew me out, and the words came to me, 'for so He bringeth them to
+the haven where they would be.'"
+
+"How strange!" I exclaimed in an awed tone, for Miss Ruth's face was
+pale, and there was a touch of sadness in her voice.
+
+"It was almost a vision of one's life," she returned, slowly; "we
+drift hither and thither, blown by many a gust of passion over many
+an unseen danger. If we be not engulfed, it is because the Angel of
+His Providence watches over us; 'drawn out of many waters,' how many
+a life history can testify of that!"
+
+"We have our smooth days as well," I returned, cheerfully, "when the
+sun shines, and there are only ripples on the waters."
+
+"That is in youth," she replied; "later on the storms must come, and
+the wise mariner will prepare himself to meet them. We must not
+always be expecting fair weather. Do you not remember the lines of my
+favorite hymn:
+
+  "'And oh, the joy upon that shore
+  To tell our shipwrecked voyage o'er.'
+
+"Really, I think one of the great pleasures in heaven will be telling
+the perils we have been through, and how He has brought us home at
+last."
+
+Miss Ruth would not let me sleep with her that night; but to my
+great relief, for her pale, weary looks made me anxious, the wind
+abated, and toward morning only the breaking surge was heard dashing
+along the shore.
+
+"I have rested better," were the first words when we met, "but that
+one night's hurly-burly has wrecked me a little," which meant that
+she was only fit for bed.
+
+But she would not hear of giving up entirely, so I drew her couch to
+the fire, and wrapped her up in shawls and left Dot to keep her
+company, while Flurry and I went out. In spite of the lull the sea
+was still very unquiet, and the receding tide gave us plenty of
+amusement, and we spent a very happy morning. In the afternoon, Miss
+Ruth had some errands for me to do in the town--wools to match, and
+books to change at the library, after which I had to replenish our
+exhausted store of note-paper.
+
+It was Saturday, and we had decided the pony carriage must go alone
+to the station to meet Mr. Lucas. He generally arrived a little
+before six, but once he had surprised us walking in with his
+portmanteau, just as we were starting for our afternoon's walk.
+Flurry begged hard to accompany me; but Miss Ruth thought she had
+done enough, and wished her to play with Dot in the dining-room at
+some nice game. I was rather sorry at Miss Ruth's decision, for I saw
+Flurry was in one of her perverse moods. They occurred very seldom,
+but gave me a great deal of trouble to overcome them. She could be
+very naughty on such occasions, and do a vast amount of mischief.
+Flurry's break-outs, as I called them, were extremely tiresome, as
+Nurse Gill and I knew well. I was very disinclined to trust Dot in
+her company, for her naughtiness would infect him, and even the best
+of children can be troublesome sometimes. Flurry looked very sulky
+when I asked her what game they meant to play, and I augured badly
+from her toss of the head and brief replies. She was hugging Flossie
+on the window-seat, and would not give me her attention, so I turned
+to Dot and begged him to be a good boy and not to disturb Miss Ruth,
+but take care of Flurry.
+
+Dot answered amiably, and I ran off, determining to be back as soon
+as I could. I wished Nurse Gill could sit with the children and keep
+them in good temper, but she was at work in Miss Ruth's room and
+could not come down.
+
+My errands took longer than I thought; wool matching is always a
+troublesome business, and the books Miss Ruth wanted were out, and I
+had to select others; it was more than an hour before I set off for
+home, and then I met Nurse Gill, who wanted some brass rings for the
+curtains she was making, and had forgotten to ask me to get them.
+
+The wind was rising again, and I was surprised to find Miss Ruth in
+the porch with her handkerchief tied over her head, and Dorcas
+running down the garden path.
+
+"Have you seen them, Miss Esther?" asked the girl, anxiously.
+
+"Who--what do you mean?" I inquired.
+
+"Miss Florence and Master Dot; we have been looking for them
+everywhere. I was taking a cup of tea just now to mistress, and she
+asked me to go into the dining-room, as the children seemed so quiet;
+but they were not there, and Betty and I have searched the house and
+garden over, and we cannot find them."
+
+"Oh, Esther, come here," exclaimed Miss Ruth in agony, for I was
+standing still straining my eyes over the beach to catch a glimpse of
+them. "I am afraid I was very wrong to send you out, and Giles will
+be here presently, and Dorcas says Dot's hat is missing from the peg,
+and Flurry's sealskin hat and jacket."
+
+Dot out in this wind! I stood aghast at the idea, but the next
+moment I took Miss Ruth's cold little hands in mine.
+
+"You must not stand here," I said firmly; "come into the drawing-room,
+I will talk to you there, and you too, Dorcas. No, I have not
+seen them," as Miss Ruth yielded to my strong grasp, and stood
+shivering and miserable on the rug. "I came past the Preventive
+station and down the parade, and they were not there."
+
+"Could they have followed Nurse Gill?" struck in Dorcas.
+
+"No, for I met her just now, and she was alone. I hardly think they
+would go to the town. Dot never cared for the shops, or Flurry
+either. Perhaps they might be hidden in one of the bathing machines.
+Oh, Miss Ruth," with an access of anxiety in my voice, "Dot is so
+weakly, and this strong wind will blow him down; it must be all
+Flurry's naughtiness, for nothing would have induced him to go out
+unless she made him."
+
+"What are we to do?" she replied, helplessly. This sudden terror had
+taken away her strength, she looked so ill. I thought a moment before
+I replied.
+
+"Let Dorcas go down to the bathing machines," I said, at last, "and
+she can speak to the Preventive man; and if you do not mind being
+alone, Miss Ruth, and you must promise to lie down and keep quiet,
+Betty might go into the town and find Nurse Gill. I will just run
+along the beach and take a look all around."
+
+"Yes, do," she returned. "Oh, my naughty, naughty Flurry!" almost
+wringing her hands.
+
+"Don't frighten yourself beforehand," I said, kissing her and
+speaking cheerfully, though I did feel in a state about Dot; and what
+would mother and Mr. Lucas say? "I daresay Dorcas or I will bring
+them back in a few minutes, and then won't they get a scolding!"
+
+"Oh, no; I shall be too happy to scold them," she returned, with a
+faint smile, for my words put fresh heart in her, and she would
+follow us into the porch and stand looking after us.
+
+I scrambled over the shingles as fast as I could, for the wind was
+rising, and I was afraid it would soon grow dusk. Nothing was in
+sight; the whole shore was empty and desolate--fearfully desolate,
+even to my eyes.
+
+It was no use going on, I thought; they must be hiding in the
+bathing machines after all. And I was actually turning round when
+something gray on the beach attracted my attention, and I picked it
+up. To my horror, it was one of Dot's woolen mittens that mother had
+knitted for him, and which he had worn that very afternoon.
+
+I was on their track, after all. I was sure of it now; but when I
+lifted my eyes and saw the dreary expanse of shore before me, a blank
+feeling of terror took possession of me. They were not in sight!
+Nothing but cloudy skies and low chalky cliffs, and the surge
+breaking on the shingles.
+
+All at once a thought that was almost an inspiration flashed across
+me--the smugglers' cave! Flurry was always talking about it; it had
+taken a strong hold of her imagination, and both she and Dot had been
+wild to explore it, only Miss Ruth had never encouraged the idea. She
+thought caves were damp, dreary places, and not fit for delicate
+children. Flurry must have tempted Dot to accompany her on this
+exploring expedition. I was as convinced of the fact as though I had
+overheard the children's conversation. She would coax and cajole him
+until his conscience was undermined. How could he have dragged
+himself so far on his crutches? for the cave was nearly half a mile
+away from where I stood, and the wind was rising fearfully. And now
+an icy chill of terror came over me from head to foot--the tide was
+advancing! It had already covered the narrow strip of sand; in less
+than an hour it would reach the cliffs, for the shore curved a little
+beyond the cottage, and with the exception of the beach before the
+Brambles, the sea covered the whole of the shingles.
+
+I shall never, to my dying day, forget that moment's agony when my
+mind first grasped the truth of the deadly peril those thoughtless
+babes had incurred. Without instant help, those little children must
+be drowned, for the water flowed into the cave. Even now it might be
+too late. All these thoughts whirled through my brain in an instant.
+
+Only for a moment I paused and cast one despairing glance round me.
+The cottage was out of sight. Nurse Gill, and Dorcas, and Betty were
+scouring the town; no time to run back for help, no hope of making
+one's voice heard with the wind whistling round me.
+
+"Oh, my God! help me to save these children!" I cried, with a sob
+that almost choked me. And then I dashed like a mad thing toward the
+shore.
+
+My despair gave me courage, but my progress was difficult and slow.
+It was impossible to keep up that pace over the heavy shingles with
+the wind tearing round me and taking away my breath.
+
+Several times I had to stand and collect my energies, and each time
+I paused I called the children's names loudly. But, alas! the wind
+and the sea swallowed up the sound.
+
+How fast the tide seemed coming up! The booming of the breakers
+sounded close behind me. I dared not look--I dared not think. I
+fought and buffeted the wind, and folded my cloak round me.
+
+"Out of the depth I have cried unto Thee." Those were the words I
+said over and over to myself.
+
+I had reached the cave at last, and leaned gasping and nearly faint
+with terror before I began searching in its dim recesses.
+
+Great masses of slimy seaweed lay heaped up at the entrance; a faint
+damp odor pervaded it. The sudden roar of wind and sea echoed in dull
+hollowness, but here at least my voice could be heard.
+
+"Flurry-Dot!" I screamed. I could hear my own wild shriek dying away
+through the cave. To my delight, two little voices answered:
+
+"Here we are Esther! Come along, we are having such a game! Flurry
+is the smuggler, and I am the Preventive man, and Flossy is my dog,
+and--oh, dear! what is the matter?" And Dot, who had hobbled out of a
+snug, dry little corner near the entrance, looked up with frightened
+eyes as I caught him and Flurry in my arms. I suppose my face
+betrayed my fears, for I could not at that moment gasp out another
+word.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+A LONG NIGHT.
+
+
+"What is the matter, Essie?" cried Dot, piteously, as I held him in
+that tight embrace without speaking. "We were naughty to come, yes, I
+know, but you said I was to take care of Flurry, and she would come.
+I did not like it, for the wind was so cold and rough, and I fell
+twice on the shingles; but it is nice here, and we were having such a
+famous game."
+
+"Esther is going to be cross and horrid because we ran away, but
+father will only laugh," exclaimed Flurry, with the remains of a
+frown on her face. She knew she was in the wrong and meant to brave
+it out.
+
+Oh, the poor babes, playing their innocent games with Death waiting
+for them outside!
+
+"Come, there is not an instant to lose," I exclaimed, catching up
+Dot in my arms; he was very little and light, and I thought we could
+get on faster so, and perhaps if the sea overtook us they would see
+us and put out a boat from the Preventive station. "Come, come," I
+repeated, snatching Flurry's hand, for she resisted a little: but
+when I reached the mouth of the cave she uttered a loud cry, and
+tugged fiercely at my hand to get free.
+
+"Oh, the sea, the dreadful sea!" she exclaimed, hiding her face; "it
+is coming up! Look at the waves--we shall be drownded!"
+
+I could feel Dot shiver in my arms, but he did not speak, only his
+little hands clung round my neck convulsively. Poor children! their
+punishment had already begun.
+
+"We shall be drowned if you don't make haste," I returned, trying to
+speak carefully, but my teeth chattered in spite of myself. "Come,
+Flurry, let us run a race with the waves; take hold of my cloak, for
+I want my hands free for Dot." I had dropped his crutches in the
+cave; they were no use to him--he could not have moved a step in the
+teeth of this wind.
+
+Poor Flurry began to cry bitterly, but she had confidence in my
+judgment, and an instinct of obedience made her grasp my cloak, and
+so we commenced our dangerous pilgrimage. I could only move slowly
+with Dot; the wind was behind us, but it was terribly fierce. Flurry
+fell twice, and picked herself up sobbing; the horrors of the scene
+utterly broke down her courage, and she threw her arms round me
+frantically and prayed me to go back.
+
+"The waves are nearly touching us!" she shrieked; and then Dot,
+infected by her terrors, began to cry loudly too. "We shall be
+drownded, all of us, and it is getting dark, and I won't go, I won't
+go!" screamed the poor child trying to push me back with her feeble
+force.
+
+Then despair took possession of me; we might have done it if Flurry
+had not lost all courage; the water would not have been high enough
+to drown us; we could have waded through it, and they would have seen
+us from the cottage and come to our help. I would have saved them; I
+knew I could; but in Flurry's frantic state it was impossible. Her
+eyes dilated with terror, a convulsive trembling seized her. Must we
+go back to the cave, and be drowned like rats in a hole? The idea was
+horrible, and yet it went far back. Perhaps there was some corner or
+ledge of rock where we might be safe; but to spend the night in such
+a place! the idea made me almost as frantic as Flurry. Still, it was
+our only chance, and we retraced our steps but still so slowly and
+painfully that the spray of the advancing waves wetted our faces, and
+beyond--ah!--I shut my eyes and struggled on, while Flurry hid her
+head in the folds of my cloak.
+
+We gained the smugglers' cave, and then I put down Dot, and bade him
+pick up his crutchers and follow me close, while I explored the cave.
+It was very dark, and Flurry began to cry afresh, and would not let
+go of my hand; but Dot shouldered his crutches, and walked behind us
+as well as he could.
+
+At each instant my terror grew. It was a large winding cave, but the
+heaps of seaweed everywhere, up to the very walls, proved that the
+water filled the cavern. I became hysterical too. I would not stay to
+be drowned there, I muttered between my chattering teeth; drowned in
+the dark, and choked with all that rotten garbage! Better take the
+children in either hand, and go out and meet our fate boldly. I felt
+my brain turning with the horror, when all at once I caught sight of
+a rough broken ledge of rock, rising gradually from the back of the
+cave. Seaweed hung in parts high up, but it seemed to me in the dim
+twilight there was a portion of the rock bare; if so, the sea did not
+cover it--we might find a dry foothold.
+
+"Let go my hand a moment, Flurry," I implored; "I think I see a
+little place where we may be safe. I will be back in a moment, dear."
+But nothing could induce her to relax her agonized grasp of my cloak.
+I had to argue the point. "The water comes all up here wherever the
+seaweed, is," I explained. "You think we are safe, Flurry, but we can
+be drowned where we stand; the sea fills the cave." But at this
+statement Flurry only screamed the louder and clung closer. Poor
+child! she was beside herself with fright.
+
+So I said to Dot:
+
+"My darling is a boy, and boys are not so frightened as girls; so
+you will stay here quietly while Flurry and I climb up there, and
+Flossy shall keep you company."
+
+"Don't be long," he implored, but he did not say another word. Dear,
+brave little heart, Dot behaved like a hero that day. He then stooped
+down and held Flossy, who whined to follow us. I I think the poor
+animal knew our danger, for he shivered and cowered down in evident
+alarm, and I could hear Dot coaxing him.
+
+It was very slippery and steep, and I crawled up with difficulty,
+with Flurry clambering after me, and holding tightly to my dress. Dot
+watched us wistfully as we went higher and higher, leaving him and
+Flossy behind. The seaweed impeded us, but after a little while we
+came to a bare piece of rock jutting out over the cave, with a
+scooped-out corner where all of us could huddle, and it seemed to me
+as though the shelf went on for a yard or two beyond it. We were
+above water-mark there; we should be quite safe, and a delicious
+glimmer of hope came over me.
+
+I had great difficulty in inducing Flurry to stay behind while I
+crawled down for Dot. She was afraid to be alone in that dark place,
+with the hollow booming of wind and waves echoing round her; but I
+told her sternly that Dot and Flossy would be drowned and then she
+let me go.
+
+Dot was overjoyed to welcome me back, and then I lifted him up and
+bade him crawl slowly on his hands and knees, while I followed with
+his crutches, and Flossy crept after us, shivering and whining for us
+to take him up. As we toiled up the broken ledge it seemed to grow
+darker, and we could hardly see each other's faces if we tried, only
+the splash of the first entering wave warned me that the sea would
+soon have been upon us.
+
+I was giddy and breathless by the time we reached the nook where
+Flurry was, and then we crept into the corner, the children clasping
+each other across me, and Flossy on my lap licking our faces
+alternately. Saved from a horrible death! For a little while I could
+do nothing but weep helplessly over the children and thank God for a
+merciful deliverance.
+
+As soon as the first hysterical outburst of emotion was over, I did
+my best to make the children as comfortable as I could under such
+forlorn circumstances. I knew Flurry's terror of darkness, and I
+could well imagine how horribly the water would foam and splash
+beneath us, and I must try and prevent them from seeing it.
+
+I made Dot climb into my lap, for I thought the hard rock would make
+his poor back ache, and I could keep him from being chilled; and then
+I induced Flurry to creep under my heavy waterproof cloak--how
+thankful I was I put it on!--and told her to hold Flossy in her arms,
+for the little creature's soft fur would be warm and comfortable; and
+then I fastened the cloak together, buttoning it until it formed a
+little tent above them. Flurry curled her feet into my dress and put
+her head on my shoulder, and she and Dot held each other fast across
+me, and Flossy rolled himself up into a warm ball and went to sleep.
+Poor little creatures! They began to forget their sorrows a little,
+until Flurry suddenly recollected that it was tea-time, and her
+father had arrived; and then she began crying again softly.
+
+"I'm so hungry," she sobbed; "aren't you Dot?"
+
+"Yes, but I don't mean to mind it," returned Dot, manfully. "Essie
+is hungry too." And he put up his hand and stroked my neck softly.
+The darling, he knew how I suffered, and would not add to my pain by
+complaining.
+
+I heard him say to Flurry in a whisper, "It is all our fault; we
+ought to be punished for running away; but Essie has done nothing
+wrong. I thought God meant to drown us, as He did the disobedient
+people." But this awful reminder of her small sins was too much for
+Flurry.
+
+"I did not mean to be wicked," she wailed. "I thought it would be
+such fun to play at smugglers in the cave, and Aunt Ruth and Esther
+never would let me."
+
+"Yes, and I begged you not to run away, and you would," retorted Dot
+in an admonishing tone. "I did not want come, too, because it was so
+cold, and the wind blew so; but I promised Essie to take care of you,
+so I went. I think you were quite as bad as the people whom God
+drowned, because they would not be good and mind Noah."
+
+"But I don't want to be drowned," responded Flurry, tearfully. "Oh,
+dear, Dot, don't say such dreadful things! I am good now, and I will
+never, never disobey auntie again. Shall we say our prayers, Dot, and
+ask God not to be so very angry, and then perhaps He will send some
+one to take us out of this dark, dreadful place?"
+
+Dot approved of this idea, and they began repeating their childish
+petitions together, but my mind strayed away when I tried to join them.
+
+Oh, how dark and desolate it was! I shivered and clasped the
+children closer to me as the hollow moaning of the waves reverberated
+through the cavern. Every minute the water was rising; by-and-by the
+spray must wet us even in our sheltered corner. Would the children
+believe me when I told them we were safe? Would not Flurry's terrors
+return at the first touch of the cold spray? The darkness and the
+noise and the horror were almost enough to turn her childish brain;
+they were too much for my endurance.
+
+"Oh, heavens!" I cried to myself, "must we really spend a long,
+hideous night in this place? We are safe! safe!" I repeated; but
+still it was too horrible to think of wearing out the long, slow
+hours in such misery.
+
+It was six now; the tide would not turn until three in the morning;
+it had been rising for three hours now; it would not be possible to
+leave the cave and make our way by the cliff for an hour after that.
+Ten hours--ten long, crawling hours to pass in this cramped position!
+I thought of dear mother's horror if she knew of our peril, and then
+I thought of Allan, and a lump came in my throat.
+
+Mr. Lucas would be scouring the coast in search of us. What a night
+for the agonized father to pass! And poor, fragile Miss Ruth, how
+would she endure such hours of anxiety? I could have wrung my hands
+and moaned aloud at the thought of their anguish, but for the
+children--the poor children who were whispering their baby prayers
+together; that kept me still. Perhaps they might be even now at the
+mouth of the cave, seeking and calling to us. A dozen times I
+imagined I could hear the splash of oars and the hoarse cries of the
+sailors; but how could our feeble voices reach them in the face of
+the shrieking wind? No one would think of the smugler's cave, for it
+was but one of many hollowed out of the cliff. They would search for
+us, but very soon they would abandon it in despair; they knew I had
+gone to seek the children; most likely I had been too late, and the
+rising tide had engulfed us, and swept us far out to sea. Miss Ruth
+would think of her dreams and tremble, and the wretched father would
+sit by her, stunned and helpless, waiting for the morning to break
+and bring him proof of his despair.
+
+The tears ran down my cheeks as these sad thoughts passed through my
+mind, and a strong inward cry for deliverance, for endurance, for
+some present comfort in this awful misery, shook my frame with
+convulsive shudders. Dot felt them, and clasped me tighter, and
+Flurry trembled in sympathy; my paroxysm disturbed them, but my
+prayer was heard, and the brief agony passed.
+
+I thought of Jeremiah in his dungeon, of Daniel in the lions' den,
+of the three children in the fiery furnace, and the Form that was
+like the Son of God walking with them in the midst of the flames; and
+I knew and felt that we were as safe on that rocky shelf, with the
+dark, raging waters below us, as though we were by our own bright
+hearth fire at home; then my trembling ceased, and I recovered voice
+to talk to the children.
+
+I wanted them to go to sleep; but Flurry said, in a lamentable
+voice, that she was too hungry, and the sea made such a noise; so I
+told them about Shadrach, Meshech, and Abednego; and after I had
+finished that, all the Bible stories I could remember of wonderful
+deliverance; and by-and-by we came to the storm on the Galilean lake.
+
+Flurry leaned heavily against me. "Oh, it is getting colder," she
+gasped; "Flossy keeps my hands warm, and the cloak is thick, and yet
+I can't help shivering." And I could feel Dot shiver, too. "The water
+seems very near us, I wish I did not feel afraid of it Esther," she
+whispered, after another minute; but I pretended not to hear her.
+
+"Yes, it is cold, but not so cold as those disciples must have
+felt," I returned; "they were in a little open boat, Flurry, and the
+water dashed right over them, and the vessel rocked dreadfully"--here
+I paused--"and it was dark, for Jesus was not yet come to them."
+
+"I wish He would come now," whispered Dot.
+
+"That is what the disciples wished, and all the time they little
+knew that He was on His way to them, and watching them toiling
+against the wind, and that very soon the wind would cease, and they
+would be safe on the shore. We do not like being in this dark cave,
+do we, Flurry darling? And the sea keeps us awake; but He knows that,
+and He is watching us; and by-and-by, when the morning comes, we
+shall have light and go home."
+
+Flurry said "Yes," sleepily, for in spite of the cold and hunger she
+was getting drowsy; it must have been long past her bedtime. We had
+sat on our dreary perch three hours, and there were six more to wait.
+I noticed that the sound of my voice tranquillized the children; so I
+repeated hymns slowly and monotonously until they nodded against me
+and fell into weary slumbers. "Thank God!" I murmured when I
+perceived this, and I leaned back against the rock, and tried to
+close my eyes; but they would keep opening and staring into the
+darkness. It was not black darkness--I do not think I could have
+borne that; a sort of murky half-light seemed reflected from the
+water, or from somewhere, and glimmered strangely from a background
+of inky blackness.
+
+It was bitterly cold now; my feet felt numbed, and the spray wetted
+and chilled my face. I dared not move my arm from Dot, he leaned so
+heavily against it, and Flurry's head was against him. She had curled
+herself up like Flossy, and I had one hand free, only I could not
+disentangle it from the cloak. I dared not change my cramped
+position, for fear of waking them. I was too thankful for their brief
+oblivion. If I could only doze for a few moments; if I could only
+shut out the black waters for a minute! The tumults of my thoughts
+were indescribable. My whole life seemed to pass before me; every
+childish folly, every girlish error and sin, seemed to rise up before
+me; conversations I had forgotten, little incidents of family life,
+dull or otherwise; speeches I had made and repented, till my head
+seemed whirling. It must be midnight now, I thought. If I could only
+dare; but a new terror kept me wide awake. In spite of my protecting
+arms, would not Dot suffer from the damp chilliness? He shivered in
+his sleep, and Flurry moaned and half woke, and then slept again. I
+was growing so numbed and cramped that I doubted my endurance for
+much longer. Dot seemed growing heavier, and there was the weight of
+Flurry and Flossy. If I could only stretch myself! And then I nearly
+cried out, for a sudden flash seemed to light the cavern. One
+instant, and it was gone; but that second showed a grewsome scene
+--damp, black walls, with a frothing turbulous water beneath them,
+and hanging arches exuding moisture. Darkness again. From whence had
+that light flashed? As I asked myself the question it came again,
+startling me with its sudden brilliancy; and this time it was
+certainly from some aperture overhead, and a little beyond where we
+sat.
+
+Gone again, and this time utterly; but not before I caught a glimpse
+of the broad rocky shelf beyond us. The light had flashed down not a
+dozen yards from where we stood; it must have been a lantern; if so,
+they were still seeking us, this time on the cliffs. It was only
+midnight, and there were still four weary hours to wait, and every
+moment I was growing more chilled and numbed. I began to dread the
+consequences to myself as well as to the children. If I could only
+crawl along the shelf and explore, perhaps there might be some
+opening to the cliff. I had not thought of this before, until the
+light brought the idea to my mind.
+
+I perceived, too, that the glimmering half-light came from above,
+and not from the mouth of the cave. For a moment the fear of losing
+my balance and falling back into the water daunted me, and kept me
+from moving; but the next minute I felt I must attempt it. I
+unfastened my cloak and woke Dot softly, and then whispered to him
+that I was cramped and in pain, and must move up and down the
+platform; and he understood me, and crawled sleepily off my lap; then
+I lifted Flurry with difficulty, for she moaned and whimpered at my
+touch.
+
+My numbness was so great I could hardly move my limbs; but I crawled
+across Flurry somehow, and saw Dot creep into my place, and covered
+them with my cloak; and then I commenced to move slowly and carefully
+on my hands and knees up the rocky path.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+"YOU BRAVE GIRL!"
+
+
+They told me afterward that this was a daring feat, and fraught with
+awful peril, for in that painful groping in the darkness I might have
+lost my balance and fallen back into the water.
+
+I was conscious of this at the time; but we cannot die until our
+hour is come, and in youth one's faith is more simple and trusting;
+to pray is to be heard, to grasp more tightly by the mantle of His
+Providence, so I committed myself to Heaven, and crept slowly along
+the face of the rock. In two or three minutes I felt cold air blowing
+down upon my face, and, raising myself cautiously, I found I was
+standing under an aperture, large enough for me to crawl through,
+which led to the downs. For one moment I breathed the fresh night air
+and caught the glimmer of starlight, and then I crept back to the
+children.
+
+Flurry was awake and weeping piteously, and Dot was trying to
+comfort her in a sleepy voice; but she was quiet the moment I told
+them about the hole.
+
+"I must leave you behind, Dot," I said, sorrowfully, "and take
+Flurry first;" and the brave little fellow said:
+
+"All right, Essie," and held back the dog, who was whining to follow.
+
+I put my arm round Flurry, and made her promise not to lose hold of
+the rock. The poor child was dreadfully frightened, and stopped every
+now and then, crying out in horror that she was falling into the
+water, but I held her fast and coaxed her to go on again; and all the
+time the clammy dews of terror stood on my forehead. Never to my
+dying day shall I forget those terrible moments.
+
+But we were mercifully preserved, and to my joy I felt the winds of
+heaven blowing round us, and in another moment Flurry had crawled
+through the hole in the rock, and was sitting shivering on the grass.
+
+"Now I must go back for Dot and Flossy," I exclaimed; but as I spoke
+and tried to disengage myself from Flurry's nervous grasp, I heard a
+little voice below.
+
+"I am here, Essie, and I have got Flossy all safe. Just stoop down
+and take him, and then I shall clamber up all right."
+
+"Oh, my darling, how could you?" The courageous child had actually
+dragged himself with the dog under one arm all along the dangerous
+path, to spare me another journey.
+
+I could scarcely speak, but I covered his cold little face with
+kisses as he tottered painfully into my arms--my precious boy, my
+brave, unselfish Dot!
+
+"I could not bring the crutches or the cloak, Essie," he whispered.
+
+"Never mind them," I replied, with a catch in my voice. "You are
+safe; we are all safe--that is all I can take in. I must carry you,
+Dot, and Flurry shall hold my dress, and we shall soon be home."
+
+"Where is your hat, Essie?" he asked, putting up his hand to my
+hair. It was true I was bareheaded, and yet I had never missed it. My
+cloak lay below in the cavern. What a strange sight I must have
+presented if any one could have seen us! My hair was blowing loosely
+about my face; my dress seemed to cling round my feet.
+
+How awfully dark and desolate the downs looked under that dim,
+starry light. Only the uncertain glimmer enabled me to keep from the
+cliffs or discern the right path. The heavy booming of the sea and
+the wind together drowned our voices. When it lulled I could hear
+Flurry sobbing to herself in the darkness, and Flossy, whining for
+company, as he followed us closely. Poor Dot was spent and weary, and
+lay heavily against my shoulder. Every now and then I had to stop and
+gather strength, for I felt strangely weak, and there was an odd
+beating at my heart. Dot must have heard my panting breath, for he
+begged me more than once to put him down and leave him, but I would
+not.
+
+My strength was nearly gone when we reached the shelving path
+leading down to the cottage, but I still dragged on. A stream of
+light came full upon us as we turned the corner; it came from the
+cottage.
+
+The door was wide open and the parlor blinds were raised, and the
+ruddy gleam of lamplight and firelight streamed full on our faces.
+
+No one saw us as we toiled up the pebbled path; no one waited for us
+in the porch. I have a faint recollection that I stood in the hall,
+looking round me for a moment in a dazed fashion; that Flossy barked,
+and a door burst open; there was a wave of light, and a man's voice
+saying something. I felt myself swaying with Dot in my arms; but some
+one must have caught us, for when I came to myself I was lying on the
+couch by the drawing-room fire, and Miss Ruth was kneeling beside me
+raining tears over my face.
+
+"And Dot!" I tried to move and could not, and fell back on my
+pillow. "The children!" I gasped, and there was a sudden movement in
+the room, and Mr. Lucas stood over me with his child in his arms. Was
+it my fancy, or were there tears in his eyes, too?
+
+"They are here, Esther," he said, in a soothing voice. "Nurse is
+taking care of your boy." And then he burst out, "Oh, you brave girl!
+you noble girl!" in a voice of strong emotion, and turned away.
+
+"Hush, Giles, we must keep her quiet," admonished his sister. "We do
+not know what the poor thing has been through, but she is as cold as
+ice. And feel how soaking her hair is!"
+
+Had it rained? I suppose it had, but then the children must be wet
+too!
+
+Miss Ruth must have noticed my anxious look, for she kissed me and
+whispered:
+
+"Don't worry, Esther; we have fires and hot baths ready. Nurse and
+the others will attend to the children; they will soon be warmed and
+in bed. Let me dry your hair and rub your cold hands; and drink this,
+and you will soon be able to move."
+
+The cordial and food they gave me revived my numb faculties, and in
+a little while I was able, with assistance, to go to my room. Miss
+Ruth followed me, and tenderly helped me to remove my damp things;
+but I would not lie down in my warm bed until I had seen with my own
+eyes that Flurry was already soundly asleep and Dot ready to follow
+her example.
+
+"Isn't it delicious?" he whispered, drowsily, as I kissed him; and
+then Miss Ruth led me back to my room, and tucked me up and sat down
+beside me.
+
+"Now tell me all about it," she said, "and then you will be able to
+sleep." For a strong excitement had succeeded the faintness, and in
+spite of my aching limbs and weariness I had a sensation as though I
+could fly.
+
+But when I told her she only shuddered and wept, and before I had
+half narrated the history of those dismal hours she was down on her
+knees beside the bed, kissing my hands.
+
+"Do let me," she sobbed, as I remonstrated. "Oh, Esther, how I love
+you! How I must always love you for this!"
+
+"No, I am not Miss Ruth any longer; I am Ruth. I am your own friend
+and sister, who would do anything to show her gratitude. You dear
+girl!--you brave girl!--as Giles called you."
+
+This brought to my lips the question, "How had Mr. Lucas borne this
+dreadful suspense?"
+
+"As badly as possible," she answered, drying her eyes. "Oh, Esther!
+what we have all been through. Giles came in half an hour after you
+left to search the shore. He was in a dreadful state, as you may
+imagine. He sent down to the Preventive station at once, and there
+was a boat got ready, and he went with the men. They pulled up and
+down for an hour or two, but could find no trace of you."
+
+"We were in the cavern all the time," I murmured.
+
+"That was the strangest part of all," she returned. "Giles
+remembered the cavern, and they went right into the mouth, and called
+as loudly as they could."
+
+"We did not hear them; the wind was making such a noise, and it was
+so dark."
+
+"The men gave up all hope at last, and Giles was obliged to come
+back. He walked into the house looking as white as death. 'It is all
+over,' he said; 'the tide has overtaken them, and that girl is
+drowned with them.' And then he gave a sort of sob, and buried his
+face in his hands. I turned so faint that for a little time he was
+obliged to attend to me, but when I was better he got up and left the
+house. It did not seem as though he could rest from the search, and
+yet he had not the faintest glimmer of hope. He would have the
+cottage illuminated and the door left open, and then he lighted his
+lantern and walked up and down the cliffs, and every time he came
+back his poor face looked whiter and more drawn. I had got hold of
+his hand, and was trying to keep him from wandering out again, when
+all at once we heard Flossy bark. Giles burst open the door, and then
+he gave a great cry, for there you were, my poor Esther, standing
+under the hall lamp, with your hair streaming over your shoulders and
+Dot in your arms, and Flurry holding your dress, and you looked at us
+and did not seem to see us, and Giles was just in time to catch you
+as you were reeling. He had you all in his arms at once," finished
+Miss Ruth, with another sob, "till I took our darling Flurry from
+him, and then he laid you down and carried Dot to the fire."
+
+"If I could not have saved them I would have died with them; you
+knew that, Miss Ruth."
+
+"Ruth," she corrected. "Yes, I knew that, and so did Giles. He said
+once or twice, 'She is strong enough or sensible enough to save them
+if it were possible, but no one can fight against fate.' Now I must
+go down to him, for he is waiting to hear all about it, and you must
+go to sleep, Esther, for your eyes are far too bright."
+
+But, greatly to her surprise and distress, I resisted this advice
+and broke out into frightened sobs. The sea was in my ears, I said,
+when I tried to close my eyes, and my arms felt empty without Dot and
+I could not believe he was safe, though she told me so over and over
+again.
+
+I was greatly amazed at my own want of control; but nothing could
+lessen this nervous excitement until Mr. Lucas came up to the door,
+and Miss Ruth went out to him in sore perplexity.
+
+"What am I to do, Giles? I cannot soothe her in the least."
+
+"Let her have the child," he returned, in his deep voice; "she will
+sleep then." And he actually fetched little Dot and put him in Miss
+Ruth's arms.
+
+"Isn't it nice, Essie?" he muttered sleepily, as he nestled against
+me.
+
+It was strange, but the moment my arm was round him, and I felt his
+soft breathing against my shoulder, my eyelids closed of their own
+accord, and a sense of weariness and security came over me.
+
+Before many minutes were over I had fallen into a deep sleep, and
+Miss Ruth was free to seek her brother and give him the information
+for which he was longing.
+
+It was nearly five in the morning when I closed my eyes, and it was
+exactly the same time on the following afternoon when I opened them.
+
+My first look was for Dot, but he was gone, the sun was streaming in
+at the window, a bright fire burned in the grate, and Nurse Gill was
+sitting knitting in the sunshine.
+
+She looked up with a pleasant smile on her homely face as I called
+to her rather feebly.
+
+"How you have slept, to be sure, Miss Esther--a good twelve hours.
+But I always say Nature is a safe nurse, and to be trusted. There's
+Master Dot has been up and dressed these three hours and more, and
+Miss Flurry too."
+
+"Oh, Nurse Gill, are you sure they are all right?" I asked, for it
+was almost too good news to be true.
+
+"Master Dot is as right as possible, though he is a little palish,
+and complains of his back and legs, which is only to be expected if
+they do ache a bit. Miss Flurry has a cold, but we could not induce
+her to lie in bed; she is sitting by the fire now on her father's
+knee, and Master Dot is with them: but there, Miss Ruth said she was
+to be called as soon as you woke, Miss Esther, though I did beg her
+not to put herself about, and her head so terribly bad as it has been
+all day."
+
+"Oh, nurse, don't disturb her," I pleaded, eagerly, "I am quite
+well, there is nothing the matter with me. I want to get up this
+moment and dress myself;" for a great longing came over me to join
+the the little group downstairs.
+
+"Not so fast, Miss Esther," she returned, good-humoredly. "You've
+had a fine sleep, to be sure, and young things will stand a mortal
+amount of fatigue; but there isn't a speck of color in your face, my
+poor lamb. Well, well," as I showed signs of impatience--"I won't
+disturb Miss Ruth, but I will fetch you some coffee and bread-and-
+butter, and we will see how you will feel then."
+
+Mrs. Gill was a dragon in her way, so I resigned myself to her
+peremptory kindness. When she trotted off on her charitable errand, I
+leaned on my elbow and looked out of the window. It was Sunday
+evening, I remembered, and the quiet peacefulness of the scene was in
+strangest contrast to the horrors of yesterday; the wind had lulled,
+and the big curling waves ceased to look terrible in the sunlight;
+the white spray tossed lightly hither and thither, and the long line
+of dark seaweed showed prettily along the yellow sands. The bitter
+war of winds and waves was over, and the defeated enemy had retired
+with spent fury, and sunk into silence. Could it be a dream? had we
+really lived through that dreadful nightmare? But at this moment
+Nurse Gill interrupted the painful retrospect by placing the fragrant
+coffee and brown bread-and-butter before me.
+
+I ate and drank eagerly, to please myself as well as her, and then I
+reiterated my intention to get up. It cost me something, however, to
+persevere in my resolution. My limbs trembled under me, and seemed to
+refuse their support in the strangest way, and the sight of my pale
+face almost frightened me, and I was grateful to Nurse Gill when she
+took the brush out of my shaking hand and proceeded to manipulate the
+long tangled locks.
+
+"You are no more fit than a baby to dress yourself, Miss Esther,"
+said the good old creature, in a vexed voice. "And to think of
+drowning all this beautiful hair. Why, there is seaweed in it I do
+declare, like a mermaid."
+
+"The rocks were covered with it," I returned, in a weary indifferent
+voice; for Mrs. Gill's officiousness tired me, and I longed to free
+myself from her kindly hands.
+
+When I was dressed, I crept very slowly downstairs. My courage was
+oozing away fast, and I rather dreaded all the kind inquiries that
+awaited me. But I need not have been afraid.
+
+Dot clapped his hands when he saw me, and Mr. Lucas put down Flurry
+and came to meet me.
+
+"You ought not to have exerted yourself," he said, reproachfully, as
+soon as he looked at me; and then he took hold of me and placed me in
+the armchair, and Flurry brought me a footstool and sat down on it,
+Dot climbed up on the arm of the chair and propped himself against
+me, and Miss Ruth rose softly from her couch and came across the room
+and kissed me.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how pale you look!" she said, anxiously.
+
+"She will soon have her color back again," returned Mr. Lucas,
+looking at me kindly. I think he wanted to say something, but the
+sight of my weakness deterred him. I could not have borne a word. The
+tears were very near the surface now, so near that I could only close
+my eyes and lean my head against Dot; and, seeing this, they very
+wisely left me alone. I recovered myself by-and-by, and was able to
+listen to the talk that went on around me. The children's tongues
+were busy as usual; Flurry had gone back to her father, and she and
+Dot were keeping up a brisk fire of conversation across the hearth-rug.
+I could not see Mr. Lucas' face, as he had moved to a dark corner,
+but Miss Ruth's couch was drawn full into the firelight, and I could
+see the tears glistening on her cheek.
+
+"Don't talk any more about it, my darlings," she said at last. "I
+feel as though I should never sleep again, and I am sure it is bad
+for Esther."
+
+"It does not hurt me," I returned, softly. "I suppose shipwrecked
+sailors like to talk over the dangers they escape; somehow everything
+seems so far away and strange to-night, as though it had happened
+months ago." But though I said this I could not help the nervous
+thrill that seemed to pass over me now and then.
+
+"Shall I read to you a little?" interrupted Mr. Lucas, quietly. "The
+children's talk tires your head;" and without waiting for an answer,
+he commenced reading some of my favorite hymns and a lovely poem, in
+a low mellow voice that was very pleasant and soothing.
+
+Nurse came to fetch Flurry, and then Dot went too, but Mr. Lucas did
+not put down the book for a long time. I had ceased to follow the
+words; the flicker of the firelight played fitfully before my eyes.
+The quiet room, the shaded lamplight, the measured cadence of the
+reader's voice, now rising, now falling, lulled me most pleasantly. I
+must have fallen asleep at last, for Flossy woke me by pushing his
+black nose into my hand; for when I sat up and rubbed my eyes Mr.
+Lucas was gone, and only Miss Ruth was laughing softly as she watched
+me.
+
+"Giles went away half an hour ago," she said amused at my perplexed
+face. "He was so pleased when he looked up and found you were asleep.
+I believe your pale face frightened him, but I shall tell him you
+look much better now."
+
+"My head feels less bewildered," was my answer.
+
+"You are beginning to recover yourself," she returned, decidedly;
+"now you must be a good child and go to bed;" and I rose at once.
+
+As I opened the drawing-room door, Mr. Lucas came out from his study.
+
+"Were you going to give me the slip?" he said, pleasantly. "I wanted
+to bid you good-by, as I shall be off in the morning before you are
+awake."
+
+"Good by," I returned, rather shyly, holding out my hand; but he
+kept it a moment longer than usual.
+
+"Esther, you must let me thank you," he said, abruptly. "I know but
+for you I must have lost my child. A man's gratitude for such a mercy
+is a strong thing, and you may count me your friend as long as I live."
+
+"You are very good," I stammered, "but I have done nothing; and
+there was Dot, you know." I am afraid I was very awkward, but I
+dreaded his speaking to me so, and the repressed emotion of his face
+and voice almost frightened me.
+
+"There, I have made you quite pale again," he said, regretfully.
+"Your nerves have not recovered from the shock. Well, we will speak
+of this again; good-night, my child, and sleep well," and with
+another kind smile he left me.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+A LETTER FROM HOME.
+
+
+I was so young and healthy that I soon recovered from the shock, and
+in a few days I had regained strength and color. Mr. Lucas had gone
+to see mother, and the day after his visit she wrote a fond
+incoherent letter, full of praises of my supposed heroism. Allan, to
+whom I had narrated everything fully, wrote more quietly, but the
+underlying tenderness breathed in every word for Dot and me touched
+me greatly. Dot had not suffered much; he was a little more lame, and
+his back ached more constantly. But it was Flurry who came off worst;
+her cold was on her chest, and when she threw it off she had a bad
+cough, and began to grow pale and thin; she was nervous, too, and
+woke every night calling out to me or Dot, and before many days were
+over Miss Ruth wrote to her brother and told him that Flurry would be
+better at home.
+
+We were waiting for his answer, when Miss Ruth brought a letter to
+my bedside from mother, and sat down, as usual, to hear the contents,
+for I used to read her little bits from my home correspondence, and
+she wanted to know what Uncle Geoffrey thought about Flurry. My
+sudden exclamation frightened her.
+
+"What is wrong, Esther? It is nothing about Giles?"
+
+"Oh, no!" I returned, the tears starting to my eyes, "but I must go
+home at once; Carrie is very ill, they are afraid it is an attack of
+rheumatic fever. Mother writes in such distress, and there is a
+message from Uncle Geoffrey, asking me to pack up and come to them
+without delay. There is something about Flurry, too; perhaps you had
+better read it."
+
+"I will take the letter away with me. Don't hurry too much, Esther;
+we will talk it over at breakfast, and there is no train now before
+eleven, and nurse will help you to pack."
+
+That was just like Miss Ruth--no fuss, no unnecessary words, no
+adding to my trouble by selfish regrets at my absence. She was like a
+man in that, she never troubled herself about petty details, as most
+women do, but just looked straight at the point in question.
+
+Her calmness reassured me, and by breakfast-time I was able to
+discuss matters quietly.
+
+"I have sent nurse to your room, Esther," she said, as she poured
+out the coffee; "the children have had their bread and milk, and have
+gone out to play; it is so warm and sunny, it will not hurt Flurry.
+The pony carriage will be round here at half-past ten, so you will
+have plenty of time, and I mean to drive you to the station myself."
+
+"You think of everything," I returned, gratefully. "Have you read
+the letter? Does it strike you that Carrie is so very ill?"
+
+"I am afraid so," she admitted, reluctantly; "your mother says she
+has been ailing some time, only she would not take care of herself,
+and then she got wet, and took her class in her damp things. I am
+afraid you have a long spell of nursing before you; rheumatic fever
+sometimes lasts a long time. Your uncle says something about a touch
+of pleurisy as well."
+
+I pushed away my plate, for I could not eat. I am ashamed to say a
+strong feeling of indignation took possession of me.
+
+"She would not give up," I burst out, angrily: "she would not come
+here to recruit herself, although she owned she felt ill; she has
+just gone on until her strength was exhausted and she was not in a
+state for anything, and now all this trouble and anxiety must come on
+mother, and she is not fit for it."
+
+"Hush, Esther; you must not feel like this," she returned, gently.
+"Poor Carrie will purchase wisdom dearly; depend upon it, the
+knowledge that she has brought on this illness through her own self-will
+will be the sharpest pang of all. You must go home and be a
+comfort to them all, as you have been our comfort," she added,
+sweetly; "and, Esther, I have been thinking over things, and you must
+trust Dot to me. We shall all return to the Cedars, most likely
+to-morrow, and I will promise not to let him out of my sight."
+
+And as I regarded her dubiously, she went on still more eagerly:
+
+"You must let me keep him, Esther. Flurry is so poorly, and she will
+fret over the loss of her little companion; and with such a serious
+illness in the house, he would only be an additional care to you."
+And as she seemed so much in earnest, I consented reluctantly to wait
+for mother's decision; for, after all, the child would be dull and
+neglected, with Jack at school, and mother and me shut up in Carrie's
+sick room. So in that, as in all else, Miss Ruth was right.
+
+Dot cried a little when I said good-by to him; he did not like
+seeing me go away, and the notion of Carrie's illness distressed him,
+and Flurry cried, too, because he did, and then Miss Ruth laughed at
+them both.
+
+"You silly children," she said, "when we are all going home to-morrow,
+and you can walk over and see Esther every day, and take her flowers
+and nice things for Carrie." Which view of the case cheered them
+immensely, and we left them with their heads very close together,
+evidently planning all sorts of surprises for Carrie and me.
+
+Miss Ruth talked very cheerfully up to the last moment, and then she
+grew a little silent and tearful.
+
+"I shall miss you so, Esther, both here and at the Cedars," she said
+tenderly. "I feel it may be a long time before you come to us again;
+but there, I mean to see plenty of you," she went on, recovering
+herself. "I shall bring Dot every day, if it be only for a few
+minutes!" And so she sent me away half comforted.
+
+It was a dreary journey, and I was thankful when it was over; there
+was no one to meet me at the station, so I took one of the huge
+lumbering flies, and a sleepy old horse dragged me reluctantly up the
+steep Milnthorpe streets.
+
+It was an odd coincidence, but as we passed the bank and I looked
+out of the window half absently, Mr. Lucas came down the steps and
+saw me, and motioned to the driver to stop.
+
+"I am very sorry to see you here," he said, gravely. "I met Dr.
+Cameron just now, and he told me your mother had written to recall
+you."
+
+"Did he say how Carrie was?" I interrupted anxiously.
+
+"She is no better, and in a state of great suffering; it seems she
+has been imprudent, and taken a severe chill; but don't let me keep
+you, if you are anxious to go on." But I detained him a moment.
+
+"Flurry seems better this morning," I observed; "her cough is less
+hard."
+
+He looked relieved at that.
+
+"I have written for them to come home to-morrow, and to bring Dot,
+too; we will take care of him for you, and make him happy among us,
+and you will have enough on your hands."
+
+And then he drew back, and went slowly down High street, but the
+encounter had cheered me; I was beginning to look on Mr. Lucas as an
+old friend.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey was on the door-step as I drove up, and we entered
+the house together.
+
+"This is a bad business, I am afraid," he said, in a subdued voice,
+as he closed the parlor door; "it goes to one's heart to see that
+pretty creature suffer. I am glad, for all our sakes, that Allan will
+be here next week." And then I remembered all at once that the year
+was out, and that Allan was coming home to live; but he had said so
+little about it in his last letters that I was afraid of some
+postponement.
+
+"He is really coming, then?" I exclaimed, in joyful surprise; this
+was good news.
+
+"Yes, next Thursday; and I shall be glad of the boy's help," he
+replied, gruffly; and then he sat down and told me about Carrie.
+
+Foolish girl, her zeal had indeed bordered upon madness. It seems
+Uncle Geoffrey had taxed her with illness a fortnight ago, and she
+had not denied it; she had even consented to take the remedies
+prescribed her in the way of medicine, but nothing would induce her
+to rest. The illness had culminated last Sunday; she had been caught
+in a heavy rain, and her thin summer walking dress had been drenched,
+and yet she had spent the afternoon as usual at the schools. A
+shivering fit that evening had been the result.
+
+"She has gradually got worse and worse," continued Uncle Geoffrey;
+"it is not ordinary rheumatic fever; there is certainly sciatica, and
+a touch of pleurisy; the chill on her enfeebled, worn-out frame has
+been deadly, and there is no knowing the mischief that may follow. I
+would not have you told before this, for after a nasty accident like
+yours, a person is not fit for much. Let me look at you, child. I
+must own you don't stem much amiss. Now listen to me, Esther. I have
+elected Deborah head-nurse, and you must work under her orders. Bless
+me," catching a glimpse of a crimson disappointed face, for I
+certainly felt crestfallen at this, "a chit like you cannot be
+expected to know everything. Deb is a splendid nurse; she has a head
+on her shoulders, that woman," with a little chuckle; "she has just
+put your mother out of the room, because she says that she is no more
+use than a baby, so you will have to wheedle yourself into her good
+graces if you expect to nurse Carrie."
+
+"Why did you send for me, if you expect me to be of no use?" I
+returned, with decided temper, for this remark chafed me; but he only
+chuckled again.
+
+"Deborah sent for you, not I," he said, in an amused voice. "'Couldn't
+we have Miss Esther home?' she asked; 'she has her wits about her,'
+which I am afraid was a hit at somebody."
+
+This soothed me down a little, for my dignity was sadly affronted
+that Deborah should be mistress of the sick room. I am afraid after
+all that I was not different from other girls, and had not yet
+outgrown what mother called the "porcupine stage" of girlhood, when
+one bristles all over at every supposed slight, armed at every point
+with minor prejudices, like "quills upon the fretful porcupine."
+
+Uncle Geoffrey bade me run along, for he was busy, so I went
+upstairs swallowing discontent with every step, until I looked up and
+saw mother's pale sad face watching me from a doorway, and then every
+unworthy feeling vanished.
+
+"Oh, my darling, thank Heaven I have you again!" she murmured,
+folding me in her loving arms; "my dear child, who has never given me
+a moment's anxiety." And then I knew how heavily Carrie's willfulness
+had weighed on that patient heart.
+
+She drew me half weeping into Carrie's little room, and we sat down
+together hand in hand. The invalid had been moved into mother's room,
+as it was large and sunny, and I could hear Deborah moving quietly as
+I passed the door.
+
+Mother would not speak about Carrie at first; she asked after Dot,
+and was full of gratitude to Miss Ruth for taking care of him; and
+then the dear soul cried over me, and said she had nearly lost us
+both, and that but for me her darling boy would have been drowned.
+Mr. Lucas had told her so.
+
+"He was full of your praises, Esther," she went on, drying her eyes;
+"he says he and Miss Ruth will be your fast friends through life;
+that there is nothing he would not do to show his gratitude; it made
+me so proud to hear it."
+
+"It makes me proud, too, mother; but I cannot have you talking about
+me, when I am longing to hear about Carrie."
+
+Mother sighed and shook her head, and then it was I noticed a
+tremulous movement about her head, and, oh! how gray her hair was,
+almost white under her widow's cap.
+
+"There is not much to say," she said, despondently; "your uncle will
+not tell me if she be in actual danger, but he looks graver every
+day. Her sufferings are terrible; just now Deborah would not let me
+remain, because I fretted so, as though a mother can help grieving
+over her child's agony. It is all her own fault, Esther, and that
+makes it all the harder to bear."
+
+I acquiesced silently, and then I told mother that I had come home
+to spare her, and do all I could for Carrie--as much as Deborah would
+allow.
+
+"You must be very prudent, then," she replied, "for Deborah is very
+jealous, and yet so devoted, that one cannot find fault with her.
+Perhaps she is right, and I am too weak to be of much use, but I
+should like you to be with your sister as much as possible."
+
+I promised to be cautious, and after a little more talk with mother
+I laid aside my traveling things and stole gently into the sick room.
+
+Deborah met me on the threshold with uplifted finger and a resolute
+"Hush!" on her lips. She looked more erect and angular than ever, and
+there was a stern forbidding expression on her face; but I would not
+be daunted.
+
+I caught her by both her hands, and drew her, against her will, to
+the door.
+
+"I want to speak to you," I whispered; and when I had her outside, I
+looked straight into her eyes. "Oh, Deb," I cried, "is it not
+dreadful for all of us? and I have been in such peril, too. What
+should we do without you, when you know all about nursing, and
+understand a sick room so well? You are everything to us, Deborah,
+and we are so grateful, and now you must let me help you a little,
+and spare you fatigue. I daresay there are many little things you
+could find for me to do."
+
+I do not know about the innocence of the dove, but certainly the
+wisdom of the serpent was in my speech; my humility made Deborah
+throw down her arms at once. "Any little thing that I can do," I
+pleaded, and her face relaxed and her hard gray eyes softened.
+
+"You are always ready to help a body, Miss Esther, I will say that,
+and I don't deny that I am nearly ready to drop with fatigue through
+not having my clothes off these three nights. The mistress is no more
+help than a baby, not being able to lift, or to leave off crying."
+
+"And you will let me help you?" I returned, eagerly, a little too
+eagerly, for she drew herself up.
+
+"I won't make any promises, Miss Esther," she said, rather stiffly;
+"the master said I must have help, and I am willing to try what you
+can do, though you are young and not used to the ways of a sick
+room," finished the provoking creature; but I restrained my impatience.
+
+"Any little thing that I can do," I repeated, humbly; and my
+forbearance had its reward, for Deborah drew aside to let me pass
+into the room, only telling me, rather sharply, to say as little
+possible and keep my thoughts to myself. Deborah's robust treatment
+was certainly bracing, and it gave me a sort of desperate courage;
+but the first shock of seeing Carrie was dreadful.
+
+The poor girl lay swathed in bandages, and as I entered the room her
+piteous moanings almost broke my heart. Burning with fever, and
+racked by pain, she could find no ease or rest.
+
+As I kissed her she shuddered, and her eyes looked at me with a
+terrible sadness in them.
+
+"Oh, my poor dear, how sorry I am!" I whispered. I dared not say
+more with Deborah hovering jealously in the back-ground.
+
+"Don't be sorry," she groaned; "I deserved it. I deserve it all."
+And then she turned away her face, and her fair hair shaded it from
+me. Did I hear it aright; and was it a whispered prayer for patience
+that caught my ear as she turned away.
+
+Deborah would not let me stay long. She sent me down to have tea and
+talk to mother, but she promised that I should come up again by-and-by.
+I was surprised as I opened the parlor door to find Mr. Lucas talking
+to Uncle Geoffrey and mother with Jack looking up at him with awe-struck
+eyes. He came forward with an amused smile, as he noticed my astonished
+pause.
+
+"You did not expect to see me here," he said, in his most friendly
+manner; "but I wanted to inquire after your sister. Mrs. Cameron has
+been so good as to promise me a cup of tea, so you must make it."
+
+That Mr. Lucas should be drinking tea at mother's table! somehow, I
+could not get over my surprise. I had never seen him in our house
+before, and yet in the old times both he and his wife had been
+frequent visitors. Certainly he seemed quite at home.
+
+Mother had lighted her pretty china lamp, and Uncle Geoffrey had
+thrown a log of wood on the fire, and the parlors looked bright and
+cozy, and even Jack's hair was brushed and her collar for once not
+awry. I suppose Mr. Lucas found it pleasant, for he stayed quite
+late, and I wondered how he could keep his dinner waiting so long;
+but then Uncle Geoffrey was such a clever man, and could talk so
+well. I thought I should have to leave them at last, for it was
+nearly the time that Deborah wanted me; but just then Mr. Lucas
+looked across at me and noticed something in my face.
+
+"You want to be with your sister," he said, suddenly interpreting my
+thoughts, "and I am reducing my cook to despair. Good-by, Mrs.
+Cameron. Many thanks for a pleasant hour." And then he shook hands
+with us all, and left the room with Uncle Geoffrey.
+
+"What an agreeable, well-bred man," observed mother. "I like him
+exceedingly, and yet people call him proud and reserved."
+
+"He is not a bit," I returned, indignantly; and then I kissed
+mother, and ran upstairs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+"YOU WERE RIGHT, ESTHER."
+
+
+For many, many long weeks, I might say months, my daily life was
+lived in Carrie's sick room.
+
+What a mercy it is that we are not permitted to see the course of
+events--that we take moment by moment from the Father's hand, not
+knowing what lies before us!
+
+It was September when I had that little altercation with Deborah on
+the threshold, and when she drew aside for me to pass into that
+dimly-lighted sickroom; it was Christmas now, and I was there still.
+Could I have foreseen those months, with their record of suffering,
+their hours of changeless monotony, well might my courage have failed.
+As it was, I watched the slow progression of nights and days almost
+indifferently; the walls of the sickroom closed round me, shutting me
+out from the actual world, and concentrating my thoughts on the
+frail girl who was fighting against disease and death.
+
+So terrible an illness I pray to Heaven I may never see again; sad
+complications producing unheard-of tortures, and bringing the
+sufferer again and again to the very brink of death.
+
+"If I could only die: if I were only good enough to be allowed to
+die!" that was the prayer she breathed; and there were times when I
+could have echoed it, when I would rather have parted with her,
+dearly as I loved her, than have seen her so racked with agony; but
+it was not to be. The lesson was not completed. There are some who
+must be taught to live, who have to take back "the turned lesson," as
+one has beautifully said, and learn it more perfectly.
+
+If I had ever doubted her goodness in my secret soul, I could doubt
+no longer, when I daily witnessed her weakness and her exceeding
+patience. She bore her suffering almost without complaint, and would
+often hide from us how much she had to endure.
+
+"'It is good to be still.' Do you remember that, Esther?" she said
+once; and I knew she was quoting the words of one who had suffered.
+
+After the first day I had no further difficulty with Deborah; she
+soon recognized my usefulness, and gave me my share of nursing
+without grudging. I took my turn at the night-watching, and served my
+first painful apprenticeship in sick nursing. Mother could do little
+for us; she could only relieve me for a couple of hours in the
+afternoon, during which Uncle Geoffrey insisted that I should have
+rest and exercise.
+
+Allan did not come home when we expected him; he had to postpone his
+intention for a couple of months. This was a sad disappointment, as
+he would have helped us so much, and mother's constant anxiety that
+my health should not suffer by my close confinement was a little
+trying at times. I was quite well, but it was no wonder that my fresh
+color faded a little, and that I grew a little quiet and subdued. The
+absence of life and change must be pernicious to young people; they
+want air, movement, a certain stirring of activity and bustle to keep
+time with their warm natures.
+
+Every one was very kind to me. Uncle Geoffrey would take me on his
+rounds, and often Miss Ruth and Flurry would call for me, and drive
+me into the country, and they brought me books and fruit and lovely
+flowers for Carrie's room; and though I never saw Mr. Lucas during
+his few brief visits he never failed to send me a kind message or to
+ask if there was anything he could do for us.
+
+Miss Ruth, or Ruth, as I always called her now, would sometimes come
+up into the sickroom and sit for a few minutes. Carrie liked to see
+her, and always greeted her with a smile; but when Mrs. Smedley heard
+of it, and rather peremptorily demanded admittance, she turned very
+pale, and calling me to her, charged me, in an agitated voice, never
+to let her in. "I could not see her, I could not," she went on,
+excitedly. "I like Miss Ruth; she is so gentle and quiet. But I want
+no one but you and mother."
+
+Mother once--very injudiciously, as Uncle Geoffrey and I thought
+--tried to shake this resolution of Carrie's.
+
+"Poor Mrs. Smedley seems so very grieved and disappointed that you
+will not see her, my dear. This is the third time she has called this
+week, and she has been so kind to you."
+
+"Oh, mother, don't make me see her!" pleaded Carrie, even her lips
+turning white; and of course mother kissed her and promised that she
+should not be troubled. But when she had left the room Carrie became
+very much agitated.
+
+"She is the last I ought to see, for she helped to bring me to this;
+she taught me to disobey my mother--yes, Esther, she did indeed!" as
+I expostulated in a shocked manner. "She was always telling me that
+my standard was not high enough--that I ought to look above even the
+wisest earthly parents. She said my mother had old-fashioned notions
+of duty; that things were different in her young days; that, in spite
+of her goodness, she had narrow views; that it was impossible for her
+even to comprehend me."
+
+"Dear Carrie, surely you could not have agreed with her?" I asked,
+gently; but her only answer was a sigh as she sank back upon her
+pillows.
+
+It was the evening Allan was expected, I remember. It was December
+now, and for nine weeks I had been shut up in that room, with the
+exception of my daily walk or drive.
+
+Deborah had gone back to her usual work; it was impossible to spare
+her longer. But she still helped in the heaviest part of the nursing,
+and came from time to time to look after us both.
+
+Dot had remained for six weeks at the Cedars; but mother missed him
+so much that Uncle Geoffrey decided to bring him home; and how glad
+and thankful I was to get my darling back!
+
+I saw very little of him, however, for, strange to say, Carrie did
+not care for him and Jack to stay long in the room. I was not
+surprised that Jack fidgeted her, for she was restless and noisy, and
+her loud voice and awkward manners would jar sadly on an invalid; but
+Dot was different.
+
+In a sick room he was as quiet as a little mouse, and he had such
+nice ways. It grieved me to see Carrie shade her eyes in that pained
+manner when he hobbled in softly on his crutches.
+
+"Carrie always cries when she sees me!" Dot said once, with a little
+quiver of his lips. Alas! we neither of us understood the strange
+misery that even the sight of her afflicted little brother caused her.
+
+Mother had gone downstairs when she had made her little protest
+about Mrs. Smedley, and we were left alone together. I was resting in
+the low cushioned chair Ruth had sent me in the early days of
+Carrie's illness, and was watching the fire in a quiet fashion that
+had become habitual to me. The room looked snug and pleasant in the
+twilight; the little bed on which I slept was in the farthest corner;
+a bouquet of hothouse flowers stood on the little round table, with
+some books Mr. Lucas had sent up for me. It must have looked cheerful
+to Carrie as she lay among the pillows; but to my dismay there were
+tears on her cheeks--I could see them glistening in the firelight.
+
+"Do you feel less well to-night, dear?" I asked, anxiously, as I
+took a seat beside her; but she shook her head.
+
+"I am better, much better," was her reply, "thanks to you and
+Deborah and Uncle Geoffrey," but her smile was very sad as she spoke.
+"How good you have been to me, Esther--how kind and patient!
+Sometimes I have looked at you when you were asleep over there, and I
+have cried to see how thin and weary you looked in your sleep, and
+all through me."
+
+"Nonsense," I returned, kissing her; but my voice was not quite clear.
+
+"Allan will say so to-night when he sees you--you are not the same,
+Esther. Your eyes are graver, and you seem to have forgotten how to
+laugh, and it is all my fault."
+
+"Dear Carrie, I wish you would not talk so."
+
+"Let me talk a little to-night," she pleaded. "I feel better and
+stronger, and it will be such a relief to tell you some of my
+thoughts. I have been silent for nine weeks, and sometimes the
+pent-up pain has been more than I could bear."
+
+"My poor Carrie," stroking the thin white hand on the coverlid.
+
+"Yes, I am that," she sighed. "Do you remember our old talks
+together? Oh, how wise you were, Esther, but I would not listen to
+you; you were all for present duties. I can recollect some of your
+words now. You told me our work lay before us, close to us, at our
+very feet, and yet I would stretch out my arms for more, till my own
+burdens crushed me, and I fell beneath them."
+
+"You attempted too much," I returned; "your intention was good, but
+you overstrained your powers."
+
+"You are putting it too mildly," she returned, with a great sadness
+in her voice. "Esther, I have had time to think since I have lain
+here, and I have been reviewing your life and mine. I wanted to see
+where the fault lay, and how I had missed my path. God was taking
+away my work from me; the sacrifice I offered was not acceptable."
+
+"Oh, my dear, hush!" But she lifted her hand feebly and laid on my
+lips.
+
+"It was weeks before I found it out, but I think I see it clearly
+now. We were both in earnest about our duty, we both wanted to do the
+best we could for others; but, Esther, after all it was you who were
+right; you did not turn against the work that was brought to you--
+your teaching, and house, and mother, and Dot, and even Jack--all
+that came first, and you knew it; you have worked in the corner of
+the vineyard that was appointed to you, and never murmured over its
+barrenness and narrow space, and so you are ripe and ready for any
+great work that may be waiting for you in the future. 'Faithful in
+little, faithful in much'--how often have I applied those words to
+you!"
+
+I tried to stem the torrent of retrospection, but nothing would
+silence her; as she said herself, the pent up feelings must have
+their course. But why did she judge herself so bitterly? It pained me
+inexpressibly to hear her.
+
+"If I had only listened to you!" she went on; "but my spiritual
+self-will blinded me. I despised my work. Oh, Esther! you cannot
+contradict me; you know how bitterly I spoke of the little Thornes;
+how I refused to take them into my heart; how scornfully I spoke of
+my ornamental brickmaking."
+
+I could not gainsay her words on that point; I knew her to be wrong.
+
+"I wanted to choose my work; that was the fatal error. I spurned the
+little duties at my feet, and looked out for some great work that I
+must do. Teaching the little Thornes was hateful to me; yet I could
+teach ragged children in the Sunday-school for hours. Mending Jack's
+things and talking to mother were wearisome details; yet I could toil
+through fog and rain in Nightingale lane, and feel no fatigue. My
+work was impure, my motives tainted by self-will. Could it be
+accepted by Him who was subject to His parents for thirty years, who
+worked at the carpenter's bench, when He could have preached to
+thousands?" And here she broke down, and wept bitterly.
+
+What could I answer? How could I apply comfort to one so sorely
+wounded? And yet through it all who could doubt her goodness?
+
+"Dear Carrie," I whispered, "if this be all true, if there be no
+exaggeration, no morbid conscientiousness in all you say, still you
+have repented, and your punishment has been severe."
+
+"My punishment!" she returned, in a voice almost of despair. "Why do
+you speak of it as past, when you know I shall bear the consequences
+of my own imprudence all my life long? This is what is secretly
+fretting me. I try to bow myself to His will; but, oh! it is so hard
+not to be allowed to make amends, not to be allowed to have a chance
+of doing better for the future, not to be allowed to make up for all
+my deficiencies in the past; but just to suffer and be a burden."
+
+I looked at her with frightened eyes. What could she mean, when she
+was getting better every day, and Uncle Geoffrey hoped she might be
+downstairs by Christmas Day?
+
+"Is it possible you do not know, Esther?" she said incredulously;
+but two red spots came into her thin cheeks. "Have not mother and
+Uncle Geoffrey told you?"
+
+"They have told me nothing," I repeated. "Oh, Carrie, what do you
+mean? You are not going to die?"
+
+"To die? Oh, no!" in a tone of unutterable regret. "Should I be so
+sorry for myself if I thought that? I am getting well--well," with a
+slight catching of her breath--"but when I come downstairs I shall be
+like Dot."
+
+I do not know what I said in answer to this terrible revelation.
+Uncle Geoffrey had never told me; Carrie had only extorted the truth
+from him with difficulty. My darling girl a cripple! It was Carrie
+who tried to comfort me as I knelt sobbing beside her.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how you cry! Don't, my dear, don't. It makes me still
+more unhappy. Have I told you too suddenly? But you must know. That
+is why I could not bear to see Dot come into the room. But I mean to
+get over my foolishness."
+
+But I attempted no answer. "Cruel, cruel!" were the only words that
+forced themselves through my teeth.
+
+"You shall not say that," she returned, stroking my hair. "How can
+it be cruel if it be meant for my good? I have feared this all along,
+Esther; the mischief has set in in one hip. It is not the suffering,
+but the thought of my helplessness that frightens me." And here her
+sweet eyes filled with tears.
+
+Oh, how selfish I was, when I ought to have been comforting her, if
+only the words would come! And then a sudden thought came to me.
+
+"They also serve who only stand and wait," and I repeated the line
+softly, and a sort of inspiration came over me.
+
+"Carrie," I said, embracing her, "this must be the work the loving
+Saviour has now for you to do. This is the Cross He would have you
+take up, and He who died to save the sinful and unthankful will give
+you grace sufficient to your need."
+
+"Yes, I begin to think it is!" she returned; and a light came into
+her eyes, and she lay back in a satisfied manner. "I never thought of
+it in that way; it seemed my punishment--just taking away my work and
+leaving me nothing but helplessness and emptiness."
+
+"And now you will look at it as still more difficult work. Oh,
+Carrie, what will mine be compared to that--to see you patient under
+suffering, cheerfully enduring, not murmuring or repining? What will
+that be but preaching to us daily?"
+
+"That will do," she answered faintly; "I must think it out. You have
+done more for me this afternoon than any one has." And seeing how
+exhausted she was, I left her, and stole back to my place.
+
+She slept presently, and I sat still in the glimmering firelight,
+listening to the sounds downstairs that told of Allan's arrival; but
+I could not go down and show my tear-stained face. Deborah came up
+presently to lay the little tea-table, and then Carrie woke up, and I
+waited on her as usual, and tried to coax her failing appetite; and
+by-and-by came the expected tap at the door.
+
+Of course it was Allan; no one but himself would come in with that
+alert step and cheerful voice.
+
+"Well, Carrie, my dear," he said, affectionately, bending over her
+as she looked up at him--whatever he felt at the sight of her changed
+face he kept to himself; he kissed me without a word and took his
+seat by the bedside.
+
+"You know, Allan?" she whispered, as he took her hand.
+
+"Yes, I know; Uncle Geoffrey has told me; but it may not be as bad
+as you think--you have much for which to be thankful; for weeks he
+never thought you would get over it. What does it matter about the
+lameness, Carrie, when you have come back to us from the very jaws of
+death?" and his voice trembled a little.
+
+"I felt badly about it until Esther talked to me," she returned.
+"Esther has been such a nurse to me, Allan."
+
+He looked at me as she said this, and his eyes glistened. "Esther is
+Esther," he replied, laconically; but I knew then how I satisfied him.
+
+"When we were alone together that night--for I waited downstairs to
+say good-night to him, while Deborah stayed with Carrie--he suddenly
+drew me toward him and looked in my face.
+
+"Poor child," he said, tenderly, "it is time I came home to relieve
+you; you have grown a visionary, unsubstantial Esther, with large
+eyes and a thin face; but somehow I never liked the look of you so
+well."
+
+That made me smile. "Oh, Allan, how nice it is to have you with me
+again!"
+
+"Nice! I should think so; what walks we will have, by the bye. I
+mean to have Carrie downstairs before a week is over; what is the
+good of you both moping upstairs? I shall alter all that."
+
+"She is too weak too move," I returned, dubiously.
+
+"But she is not too weak to be carried. You are keeping her too
+quiet, and she wants rousing a little; she feeds too much on her own
+thoughts, and it is bad for her; she is such a little saint, you
+know," continued Allan, half jestingly, "she wants to be leavened a
+little with our wickedness.
+
+"She is good; you would say so if you heard her."
+
+"Not a bit more good than some other people--Miss Ruth, for
+example;" but I could see from his mischievous eyes that he was not
+thinking of Ruth. How well and handsome he was looking: he had grown
+broader, and there was an air of manliness about him--"my bonnie
+lad," as I called him.
+
+I went to bed that night with greater contentment in my heart,
+because Allan had come home; and even Carrie seemed cheered by the
+hopeful view he had taken of her case.
+
+"He thinks, perhaps, that after some years I may not be quite so
+helpless," she whispered, as I said good-night to her, and her face
+looked composed and quiet in the fading firelight; "anyhow, I mean to
+bear it as well as I can, and not give you more trouble."
+
+"I do not think it a trouble," was my answer as her arms released
+me; and as I lay awake watching the gleaming shadows in the room, I
+thought how sweet such ministry is to those we love, their very
+helplessness endearing them to us. After all, this illness had drawn
+us closer together, we were more now as sisters should be, united in
+sympathy and growing deeper into each other's hearts. "How pleasant
+it is to live in unity!" said the Psalmist; and the echo of the words
+seemed to linger in my mind until I fell asleep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+SANTA CLAUS.
+
+
+After all Allan's sanguine prognostication was not fulfilled. The
+new year had opened well upon us before Carrie joined the family
+circle downstairs.
+
+But the sickroom was a different place now, when we had Allan's
+cheery visits to enliven our long evenings. A brighter element seemed
+introduced into the house. I wondered if Carrie felt as I did! if her
+heart leaped up with pleasure at the sound of his merry whistle, or
+the light springing footsteps that seemed everywhere!
+
+His vigorous will seemed to dominate over the whole household; he
+would drag me out peremptorily for what he called wholesome exercise,
+which meant long, scrambling walks, which sent me home with tingling
+pulses and exuberant spirits, until the atmosphere of the sick room
+moderated and subdued them again.
+
+He continued to relieve me in many ways; sometimes he would come in
+upon us in his quick, alert way, and bundle me and my work-basket
+downstairs, ordering me to talk to mother, while he gave Carrie a
+dose of his company. Perhaps the change was good for her, for I
+always fancied she looked less depressed when I saw her again.
+
+Our choice of reading displeased him not a little; the religious
+biographies and sentimental sacred poetry that Carrie specially
+affected were returned to the bookshelves by our young physician with
+an unsparing hand; he actually scolded me in no measured terms for
+what he called my want of sense.
+
+"What a goose you are, Esther," he said, in a disgusted voice; "but,
+there, you women are all alike," continued the youthful autocrat. "You
+pet one another's morbid fancies, and do no end of harm. Because
+Carrie wants cheering, you keep her low with all these books, which
+feed her gloomy ideas. What do you say? she likes it; well, many
+people like what is not good for them. I tell you she is not in a fit
+state for this sort of reading, and unless you will abide by my
+choice of books I will get Uncle Geoffrey to forbid them altogether."
+
+Carrie looked ready to cry at this fierce tirade, but I am afraid I
+only laughed in Allan's face; still, we had to mind him. He set me to
+work, I remember, on some interesting book of travels, that carried
+both of us far from Milnthorpe, and set us down in wonderful tropical
+regions, where we lost ourselves and our troubles in gorgeous
+descriptions.
+
+One evening I came up and found Allan reading the "Merchant of
+Venice," to her, and actually Carrie was enjoying it.
+
+"He reads so well," she said, rather apologetically, as she caught
+sight of my amused face; she did not like to own even to me that she
+found it more interesting than listening to Henry Martyn's life.
+
+It charmed us both to hear the sound of her soft laugh; and Allan
+went downstairs well satisfied with the result of his prescription.
+
+On Christmas Eve I had a great treat. Ruth wanted me to spend the
+evening with her; and as she took Carrie into her confidence, she got
+her way without difficulty. Carrie arranged every thing; mother was
+to sit with her, and then Allan and Deborah would help her to bed. I
+was to enjoy myself and have a real holiday, and not come home until
+Allan fetched me.
+
+I had quite a holiday feeling as I put on my new cashmere dress.
+Ruth had often fetched me for a drive, but I had not been inside the
+Cedars for months, and the prospect of a long evening there was
+delicious.
+
+Flurry ran out into the hall to meet me, and even Giles' grave face
+relaxed into a smile as he hoped "Miss Cameron was better;" but
+Flurry would hardly let me answer, she was so eager to show me the
+wreaths auntie and she had made, and to whisper that she had hung out
+a stocking for Santa Claus to fill, and that Santa Claus was going to
+fill one for Dot too.
+
+"Come in, you naughty little chatterbox, and do not keep Esther in
+the hall," exclaimed Ruth, from the curtained doorway; and the next
+minute I had my arms round her. Oh, the dear room! how cozy it looked
+after my months of absence; no other room, not even mother's pretty
+drawing-room at Combe Manor, was so entirely to my taste.
+
+There was the little square tea-table, as usual, and the dark blue
+china cups and saucers, and the wax candles in their silver sconces,
+and white china lamp, and the soft glow of the ruddy firelight
+playing into the dim corner.
+
+Ruth drew up the low rocking chair, and took off my hat and jacket,
+and smoothed my hair.
+
+"How nice you look Esther, and what a pretty dress! Is that Allan's
+present? But you are still very thin, my dear.
+
+"Oh, I am all right," I returned, carelessly, for what did it matter
+how I looked, now Carrie was better? "Dear Ruth," I whispered, as she
+still stood beside me, "I can think of nothing but the pleasure of
+being with you again."
+
+"I hope you mean to include me in that last speech," said a voice
+behind me; and there was Mr. Lucas standing laughing at us. He had
+come through the curtained doorway unheard, and I rose in some little
+confusion to shake hands.
+
+To my surprise, he echoed Miss Ruth's speech; but then he had not
+seen me for three months. I had been through so much since we last met.
+
+"What have they been doing to you, my poor child?" Those were
+actually his words, and his eyes rested on my face with quite a
+grieved, pitying expression.
+
+"Allan told me I was rather unsubstantial-looking," I returned,
+trying to speak lightly; but somehow the tears came to my eyes. "I
+was so tired before he came home, but now I am getting rested."
+
+"I wonder at Dr. Cameron letting a child like you work so hard," he
+retorted, quite abruptly. He had called me child twice, and I was
+eighteen and a half, and feeling so old--so old. I fancy Ruth saw my
+lip quiver, for she hastily interposed:
+
+"Let her sit down, Giles, and I will give her some tea. She looks as
+cold as a little starved robin."
+
+And after that no one spoke again of my altered looks. It troubled
+me for a few minutes, and then it passed out of my mind.
+
+After all, it could not be helped if I were a little thin and worn.
+The strain of those three months had been terrible; the daily
+spectacle of physical suffering before my eyes, the wakeful nights,
+the long monotonous days, and then the shock of knowing that Carrie
+must be a cripple, had all been too much for me.
+
+We talked about it presently, while Flurry sat like a mouse at my
+feet, turning over the pages of a new book of fairy tales. The kind
+sympathy they both showed me broke down the barrier of my girlish
+reserve, and I found comfort in speaking of the dreary past. I did
+not mind Mr. Lucas in the least: he showed such evident interest in
+all I told them. After dinner he joined us again in the drawing-room,
+instead of going as usual for a short time to his study.
+
+"When are you coming back to stay with us?" he asked, suddenly, as
+he stirred the logs until they emitted a shower of sparks.
+
+"Yes," echoed his sister, "Carrie is so much better now that we
+think it is high time for you to resume your duties; poor Flurry has
+been neglected enough."
+
+My answer was simply to look at them both; the idea of renewing work
+had never occurred to me; how could Carrie spare me? And yet ought I
+not to do my part all the more, now she was laid by? For a moment the
+sense of conflicting duties oppressed me.
+
+"Please do not look pale over it," observed Mr. Lucas, kindly; "but
+you do not mean, I suppose, to be always chained to your sister's
+couch? That will do neither of you any good."
+
+"Oh, no, I must work, of course," I returned, breathlessly. "Carrie
+will not be able to do anything, so it is the more necessary for me,
+but not yet--not until we have her downstairs."
+
+"Then we will give you three weeks' grace," observed Mr. Lucas,
+coolly. "It is as you say, with your usual good sense, absolutely
+necessary that one of you should work; and as Flurry has been without
+a governess long enough, we shall expect you to resume your duties in
+three weeks' time."
+
+I was a little perplexed by this speech, it was so dignified and
+peremptory; but looking up I could see a little smile breaking out at
+the corner of his mouth. Ruth too seemed amused.
+
+"Very well," I returned in the same voice; "I must be punctual, or I
+shall expect my dismissal."
+
+"Of course you must be punctual," he retorted; and the subject
+dropped, but I perceived he was in earnest under his jesting way.
+Flurry's governess was wanted back, that was clear.
+
+As for me, the mere notion of resuming my daily work at the Cedars
+was almost too delightful to contemplate. I had an odd idea, that
+missing them all had something to do with my sober feelings. I felt
+it when I went up to kiss Flurry in her little bed; the darling child
+was lying awake for me.
+
+She made me lie down on the bed beside her, and hugged me close with
+her warm arms, and her hair fell over my face like a veil, and then
+prattled to me about Santa Claus and the wonderful gifts she expected.
+
+"Will Santa Claus bring you anything, Esther?"
+
+"Not much, I fear," was my amused answer. We were rather a gift-loving
+family, and at Combe Manor our delight had been to load the breakfast
+table on Christmas day with presents for every member of the family,
+including servants; but of course now our resources were limited,
+and I expected few presents; but in my spare time I had contrived
+a few surprises in the shape of work. A set of embroidered baby
+linen for Flurry's best doll, dainty enough for a fairy baby; a
+white fleecy shawl for mother, and another for Carrie, and a chair-back
+for Ruth; she was fond of pretty things, but I certainly did not look
+for much in return.
+
+Allan had brought me that pretty dress from London, and another for
+Carrie, and he had not Fortunatus' purse, poor fellow!
+
+"I have got a present for you," whispered Flurry, and I could
+imagine how round and eager her eyes were; I think with a little
+encouragement she would have told me what it was; but I assured her
+that I should enjoy the surprise.
+
+"It won't keep you awake trying to guess, will it?" she asked,
+anxiously; and when I said no, she seemed a little disappointed.
+
+"Dot has got one too," she observed, presently; but I knew all about
+that. Dot was laboriously filling an album with his choicest works
+of art. His fingers were always stained with paint or Indian ink at
+meal times, and if I unexpectedly entered the room, I could see a
+square-shaped book being smuggled away under the tablecloth.
+
+I think these sudden rushes were rather against the general finish
+of the pictures, causing in some places an unsightly smudge or a
+blotchy appearance. In one page the Tower of Babel was disfigured by
+this very injudicious haste, and the bricks and the builders were
+wholly indistinguishable for a sad blotch of ochre; still, the title
+page made up for all such defects: "To my dear sister, Esther, from
+her affectionate little brother, Frankie."
+
+"Aunt Ruth has one, too," continued Flurry; but at this point I
+thought it better to say good-night. As it was, I found Allan had
+been waiting for me nearly half-an-hour, and pretended to growl at me
+for my dawdling, though in reality he was thoroughly enjoying his
+talk with Ruth.
+
+Carrie was awake when I entered the room; she was lying watching the
+fire. She welcomed me with her sweetest smile, and though I fancied
+her cheek was wet as I kissed it, her voice was very tranquil.
+
+"Have you had a pleasant evening, Esther?"
+
+"Very pleasant. Have you missed me very much, darling?"
+
+"I always miss you," she replied, gently; "but Allan has done his
+best to make the time pass quickly. And then dear mother was so good;
+she has been sitting with me ever so long; we have had such a nice
+talk. Somehow I begin to feel as if I had never known what mother was
+before."
+
+I knew Carrie wanted to tell me all about it, but I pretended I was
+tired, and that it was time to be asleep. So she said no more; she
+was submissive to us even in trifles now; and very soon I heard the
+sound of her soft, regular breathing.
+
+As for me, I laid wide awake for hours; my evening had excited me.
+The thought of resuming my happy duties at the Cedars pleased and
+exhilarated me. How kind and thoughtful they had been for my comfort,
+how warmly I had been welcomed!
+
+I fell to sleep at last, and dreamed that Santa Claus had brought me
+a mysterious present. The wrappers were so many that Deborah woke me
+before I reached the final. I remember I had quite a childish feeling
+of disappointment when my pleasant dream was broken.
+
+What a Christmas morning that was! Outside the trees were bending
+with hoar frost, a scanty whiteness lay on the lawn, and the soft
+mysterious light of coming snow seemed to envelope everything. Inside
+the fire burned ruddily, and Carrie lay smiling upon her pillows,
+with a little parcel in her outstretched hands. I thought of my
+unfinished dream, and told it to her as I unfolded the silver paper
+that wrapped the little box.
+
+"Oh, Carrie!" I exclaimed, for there was her little amethyst cross
+and beautiful filagree chain; that had been father's gift to her, the
+prettiest ornament she possessed, and that had been my secret
+admiration for years.
+
+"I want you to have it," she said, smiling, well pleased at my
+astonished face. "I can never wear it again, Esther; the world and I
+have parted company. I shall like to see you in it. I wish it were
+twice as good; I wish it were of priceless value, for nothing is too
+good for my dear little sister."
+
+I was very near crying over the little box, and Carrie was praising
+the thickness and beauty of her shawl, when in came Dot, with his
+scrap-book under his arm, and Jack, with a wonderful pen-wiper she
+had concocted, with a cat and kitten she had marvelously executed in
+gray cloth.
+
+Nor was this all. Downstairs a perfect array of parcels was grouped
+round my plate. There was a book from Allan, and a beautiful little
+traveling desk from Uncle Geoffrey. Mother had been searching in her
+jewel case, and had produced a pearl-ring, which she presented to me
+with many kisses.
+
+But the greatest surprise of all was still in store for me. Flurry's
+gift proved to be a very pretty little photograph of herself and
+Flossy, set in a velvet frame. Ruth's was an ivory prayer-book: but
+beside it lay a little parcel, directed in Mr. Lucas' handwriting,
+and a note inside begging me to accept a slight tribute of his
+gratitude. I opened it with a trembling hand, and there was an
+exquisite little watch, with a short gold chain attached to it--a
+perfect little beauty, as even Allan declared it to be.
+
+I was only eighteen, and I suppose most girls would understand my
+rapture at the sight. Until now a silver watch with a plain black
+guard had been my only possession; this I presented to Jack on the
+spot, and was in consequence nearly hugged to death.
+
+"How kind, how kind!" was all I could say; and mother seemed nearly
+as pleased as I was. As for Uncle Geoffrey and Allan, they took it in
+an offhand and masculine fashion.
+
+"Very proper, very prettily done," remarked Uncle Geoffrey,
+approvingly. "You see he has reason to be grateful to you, my dear,
+and Mr. Lucas is just the man to acknowledge it in the most fitting
+way."
+
+"I always said he was a brick," was Allan's unceremonious retort.
+"It is no more than he ought to have done, for your pluckiness saved
+Flurry." But to their surprise I turned on them with hot cheeks.
+
+"I have done nothing, it is all their kindness and goodness to me:
+it is far too generous. How ever shall I thank him?" And then I
+snatched up my treasure, and ran upstairs to show it to Carrie; and I
+do not think there was a happier girl that Christmas morning than
+Esther Cameron.
+
+The one drawback to my pleasure was--how I was to thank Mr. Lucas?
+But I was spared this embarrassment, for he and Flurry waited after
+service in the porch for us, and walked down High street.
+
+He came to my side at once with a glimmer of fun in his grave eyes.
+
+"Well, Miss Esther, has Santa Claus been good to you? or has he
+taken too great a liberty?"
+
+"Oh, Mr. Lucas," I began, in a stammering fashion, but he held up
+his hand peremptorily.
+
+"Not a word, not a syllable, if you please; the debt is all on my
+side, and you do not fancy it can be paid in such a paltry fashion. I
+am glad you are not offended with me, that is all." And then he
+proceeded to ask kindly after Carrie.
+
+His manner set me quite at my ease, and I was able to talk to him as
+usual. Dot was at the window watching for our approach. He clapped
+his hands delightedly at the sight of Mr. Lucas and Flurry.
+
+"I suppose I must come in a moment to see my little friend," he
+said, in a kindly voice, and in another moment he was comfortably
+seated in our parlor with Dot climbing on his knee.
+
+I never remember a happier Christmas till then, though, thank God, I
+have known still happier ones since. True, Carrie could not join the
+family gathering downstairs; but after the early dinner we all went
+up to her room, and sat in a pleasant circle round the fire.
+
+Only Fred was missing; except the dear father who lay in the quiet
+churchyard near Combe Manor; but we had bright, satisfactory letters
+from him, and hoped that on the whole he was doing well.
+
+We talked of him a good deal, and then it was that Dot announced his
+grand purpose of being an artist.
+
+"When I am a man," he finished, in a serious voice, "I mean to work
+harder than Fred, and paint great big pictures, and perhaps some
+grand nobleman will buy them of me."
+
+"I wonder what your first subject will be, Frankie?" asked Allan, in
+a slightly amused voice. He was turning over Dot's scrap-book, and
+was looking at the Tower of Babel in a puzzled way.
+
+"The Retreat of the Ten Thousand under Xenophon," was the perfectly
+startling answer, at which Allan opened his eyes rather widely, and
+Uncle Geoffrey laughed. Dot looked injured and a little cross.
+
+"People always laugh when I want to talk sense," he said, rather
+loftily.
+
+"Never mind, Frankie, we won't laugh any more," returned Allan,
+eager to soothe his favorite; "it is a big subject, but you have
+plenty of years to work it out in, and after all the grand thing in
+me is to aim high." Which speech, being slightly unintelligible,
+mollified Dot's wrath.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+ALLAN AND I WALK TO ELTHAM GREEN.
+
+
+The next great event in our family annals was Carrie's first
+appearance downstairs.
+
+Uncle Geoffrey had long wished her to make the effort, but she had
+made some excuse and put it off from day to day; but at last Allan
+took it into his head to manage things after his usual arbitrary
+fashion, and one afternoon he marched into the room, and, quietly
+lifting Carrie in his arms, as though she were a baby, desired me to
+follow with, her crutches, while he carried her downstairs.
+
+Carrie trembled a good deal, and turned very white, but she offered
+no remonstrance; and when Allan put her down outside the parlor door,
+she took her crutches from me in a patient uncomplaining way that
+touched us both.
+
+I always said we ought to have prepared Dot, but Allan would not
+hear of my telling him; but when the door opened and Carrie entered,
+walking slowly and painfully, being still unused to her crutches, we
+were all startled by a loud cry from Dot.
+
+"She is like me! Oh, poor, poor Carrie!" cried the little fellow,
+with a sob; and he broke into such a fit of crying that mother was
+quite upset. It was in vain we tried to soothe him; that Carrie drew
+him toward her with trembling arms and kissed him, and whispered that
+it was God's will, and she did not mind so very much now; he only
+kept repeating, "She is like me--oh, dear--oh dear! she is like me,"
+in a woe-begone little voice.
+
+Dot was so sensitive that I feared the shock would make him ill, but
+Allan came at last to the rescue. He had been called out of the room
+for a moment, and came back to find a scene of dire confusion--it
+took so little to upset mother, and really it was heartbreaking to
+all of us to see the child's grief.
+
+"Hallo, sonny, what's up now?" asked Allan, in a comical voice,
+lifting up Dot's tear-stained face for a nearer inspection.
+
+"Oh, she is like me," gasped Dot; "she has those horrid things, you
+know; and it's too bad, it's too bad!" he finished, with another
+choking sob.
+
+"Nonsense," returned Allan, with sturdy cheerfulness; "she won't use
+them always, you silly boy."
+
+"Not always!" returned Dot, with a woe-begone, puckered-up face.
+
+"Of course not, you little goose--or gander, I mean; she may have to
+hobble about on them for a year or two, perhaps longer; but Uncle
+Geoff and I mean to set her all right again--don't we, Carrie?"
+Carrie's answer was a dubious smile. She did not believe in her own
+recovery; but to Dot, Allan's words were full of complete comfort.
+
+"Oh, I am so glad, I am so glad!" cried the unselfish little
+creature. "I don't mind a bit for myself; I shouldn't be Dot without
+my sticks, but it seemed so dreadful for poor Carrie."
+
+And then, as she kissed him, with tears in her eyes, he whispered
+"that she was not to mind, for Allan would soon make her all right:
+he always did."
+
+Carrie tried to be cheerful that evening, but it cost her a great
+effort. It was hard returning to everyday life, without strength or
+capacity for its duties, with no bright prospect dawning in the
+future, only a long, gray horizon of present monotony and suffering.
+But here the consolation of the Gospel came to her help; the severe
+test of her faith proved its reality; and her submission and total
+abnegation of will brought her the truest comfort in her hour of need.
+
+Looking back on this part of our lives, I believe Carrie needed just
+this discipline; like many other earnest workers she made an idol of
+her work. It cost her months of suffering before she realized that
+God does not always need our work; that a chastened will is more
+acceptable to Him than the labor we think so all-sufficient. Sad
+lesson to poor human pride, that believes so much in its own efforts,
+and yet that many a one laid by in the vigor of life and work, has to
+learn so painfully. Oh, hardest of all work, to do nothing while
+others toil round us, to wait and look on, knowing God's ways are not
+our ways, that the patient endurance of helplessness is the duty
+ordained for us!
+
+Carrie had to undergo another ordeal the following day, for she was
+just settled on her couch when Mrs. Smedley entered unannounced.
+
+I had never liked Mrs. Smedley; indeed, at one time I was very near
+hating her; but I could not help feeling sorry for the woman when I
+saw how her face twitched and worked at the sight of her favorite.
+
+Carrie's altered looks must have touched her conscience. Carrie was
+a little nervous, but she soon recovered herself.
+
+"You must not be sorry for me," she said, taking her hand, for
+actually Mrs. Smedley could hardly speak; tears stood in her hard
+eyes, and then she motioned to me to leave them together.
+
+I never knew what passed between them, but I am sure Mrs. Smedley
+had been crying when I returned to the room. She rose at once, making
+some excuse about the lateness of the hour--and then she did what she
+never had done before--kissed me quite affectionately, and hoped they
+would soon see me at the vicarage.
+
+"There, that is over," said Carrie, as if to herself, in a relieved
+tone; but she did not seem disposed for any questioning, so I let her
+close her eyes and think over the interview in silence.
+
+The next day was a very eventful one. I had made up my mind to speak
+to mother and Carrie that morning, and announce my intention of going
+back to the Cedars. I was afraid it would be rather a blow to Carrie,
+and I wanted to get it over.
+
+In two or three days the three weeks' leave of absence would be over
+--Ruth would be expecting to hear from me. The old saying, "_L'homme
+propose, Dieu dispose_," was true in this case. I had little idea
+that morning, when I came down to breakfast, that all my cherished
+plans were to be set aside, and all through old Aunt Podgill.
+
+Why, I had never thought of her for years; and, as far as I can
+tell, her name had not been mentioned in our family circle, except on
+the occasion of dear father's death, when Uncle Geoffrey observed
+that he or Fred must write to her. She was father's and Uncle
+Geoffrey's aunt, on their mother's side, but she had quarreled with
+them when they were mere lads, and had never spoken to them since.
+Uncle Geoffrey was most in her black books, and she had not deigned
+to acknowledge his letter.
+
+"A cantankerous old woman," I remember he had called her on that
+occasion, and had made no further effort to propitiate her.
+
+It was rather a shock, then, to hear Aunt Podgill's name uttered in
+a loud voice by Allan, as I entered the room, and my surprise
+deepened into astonishment to find mother was absolutely crying over
+a black-edged letter.
+
+"Poor Mrs. Podgill is dead," explained Uncle Geoffrey, in rather a
+subdued voice, as I looked at him.
+
+But the news did not affect me much; I thought mother's handkerchief
+need hardly be applied to her eyes on that account.
+
+"That is a pity, of course; but, then, none of us knew her," I
+remarked, coldly. "She could not have been very nice, from your
+account, Uncle Geoffrey, so I do not know why we have to be so sorry
+for her death," for I was as aggrieved as possible at the sight of
+mother's handkerchief.
+
+"Well, she was a cantankerous old woman," began Uncle Geoffrey; and
+then he checked himself and added, "Heaven forgive me for speaking
+against the poor old creature now she is dead."
+
+"Yes, indeed, I have a great respect for Aunt Podgill," put in
+Allan; and I thought his voice was rather curious, and there was a
+repressed mirthful gleam in his eyes, and all the time mother went on
+crying.
+
+"Oh, my dear," she sobbed at last, "I am very foolish to be so
+overcome; but if it had only come in Frank's--in your father's time,
+it might--it might have saved him;" and here she broke down.
+
+"Ah, to be sure, poor thing!" ejaculated Uncle Geoffrey in a
+sympathizing tone; "that is what is troubling her; but you must cheer
+up, Dora, for, as I have always told you, Frank was never meant to be
+a long-lived man."
+
+"What are you all talking about?" I burst out, with vexed
+impatience. "What has Mrs. Podgill's death to do with father? and why
+is mother crying? and what makes you all so mysterious and tiresome?"
+for I was exasperated at the incongruity between mother's tears and
+Allan's amused face.
+
+"Tell her," gasped out mother: and Uncle Geoffrey, clearing his
+voice, proceeded to be spokesman, only Allan interrupted him at every
+word.
+
+"Why, you see, child, your mother is just a little upset at
+receiving some good news--"
+
+"Battling good news," put in Allan.
+
+"It is natural for her, poor thing! to think of your father; but we
+tell her that if he had been alive things would have shaped
+themselves differently--"
+
+"Of course they would," from that tiresome Allan.
+
+"Aunt Podgill, being a cantankerous--I mean a prejudiced--person,
+would never have forgotten her grudge against your father; but as in
+our last moments 'conscience makes cowards of us all,' as Shakespeare
+has it"--Uncle Geoffrey always quoted Shakespeare when he was
+agitated, and Allan said, "Hear, hear!" softly under his breath--"she
+could not forget the natural claims of blood; and so, my dear,"
+clearing his throat a little more, "she has left all her little
+fortune to your mother; and a pretty little penny it is, close upon
+seven hundred a year, and the furniture besides."
+
+"Uncle Geoffrey!" now it was my turn to gasp. Jack and Dot burst out
+laughing at my astonished face; only Dot squeezed my hand, and
+whispered, "Isn't it splendid, Essie?" Mother looked at me tearfully.
+
+"It is for your sakes I am glad, that my darling girls may not have
+to work. Carrie can have every comfort now; and you can stay with us,
+Esther, and we need not be divided any longer."
+
+"Hurrah," shouted Dot, waving his spoon over his head; but I only
+kissed mother without speaking; a strange, unaccountable feeling
+prevented me. If we were rich--or rather if we had this independence
+--I must not go on teaching Flurry; my duty was at home with mother
+and Carrie.
+
+I could have beaten myself for my selfishness; but it was true.
+Humiliating as it is to confess it, my first feeling was regret that
+my happy days at the Cedars were over.
+
+"You do not seem pleased," observed Allan, shrewdly, as he watched me.
+
+"I am so profoundly astonished that I am not capable of feeling," I
+returned hastily; but I blushed a little guiltily.
+
+"It is almost too good to believe," he returned. "I never liked the
+idea of you and Carrie doing anything, and yet it could not be
+helped; so now you will all be able to stay at home and enjoy
+yourselves."
+
+Mother brightened up visibly at this.
+
+"That will be nice, will it not, Esther? And Dot can have his
+lessons with you as usual. I was so afraid that Miss Ruth would want
+you back soon, and that Carrie would be dull. How good of your Aunt
+Podgill to make us all so happy! And if it were not for your father--"
+and here the dear soul had recourse to her handkerchief again.
+
+If I was silent, no one noticed it; every one was so eager in
+detailing his or her plans for the future. It was quite a relief when
+the lengthy breakfast was over, and I was free to go and tell Carrie;
+somehow in the general excitement no one thought of her. I reproached
+myself still more for my selfishness, and called myself all manner of
+hard names when I saw the glow of pleasure on her pale face.
+
+"Oh, Esther, how nice! How pleased dear mother must be! Now we shall
+have you all to ourselves, and you need not be spending all your days
+away from us."
+
+How strange! Carrie knew of my warm affection for Ruth and Flurry,
+and yet it never occurred to her that I should miss my daily
+intercourse with them. It struck me then how often our nearest and
+dearest misunderstand or fail to enter into our feelings.
+
+The thought recurred to me more than once that morning when I sat at
+my work listening to the discussion between her and mother. Carrie
+seemed a different creature that day; the wonderful news had lifted
+her out of herself, and she rejoiced so fully and heartily in our
+good fortune that I was still more ashamed of myself, and yet I was
+glad too.
+
+"It seems so wonderful to me, mother," Carrie was saying, in her
+sweet serious way, "that just when I was laid by, and unable to keep
+myself or any one else, that this provision should be made for us."
+
+"Yes, indeed; and then there is Dot, too, who will never be able to
+work," observed mother.
+
+It was lucky Dot did not hear her, or we might have had a reproachful
+_resume_ of his artistic intentions.
+
+"Dear mother, you need not be anxious any longer over the fortune of
+your two cripples," returned Carrie, tenderly. "I shall not feel so
+much a burthen now; and then we shall have Esther to look after us."
+And they both looked at me in a pleased, affectionate way. What could
+I do but put down my work and join in that innocent, loving talk?
+
+At our early dinner that day Allan seemed a little preoccupied and
+silent, but toward the close of the meal he addressed me in his
+off-hand fashion.
+
+"I want you to come out with me this afternoon; mother can look
+after Carrie."
+
+"It is a half holiday; may I come too?" added Jack, coaxingly.
+
+"Wait till you are asked, Miss Jacky," retorted Allan good-humoredly.
+"No, I don't want your ladyship's company this afternoon; I must
+have Esther to myself." And though Jack grumbled and looked
+discontented, he would not change his decision.
+
+I had made up my mind to see Ruth, and tell her all about it; but it
+never entered my head to dispute Allan's will if he wanted me to walk
+with him. I must give up Ruth, that was all; and I hurried to put on
+my things, that I might not keep him waiting, as he possessed his
+full share of masculine impatience.
+
+I thought that he had some plan to propose to me, but to my surprise
+he only talked about the most trivial subjects--the weather, the
+state of the roads, the prospects of skating.
+
+"Where are we going?" I asked at last, for we were passing the
+Cedars, and Allan rarely walked in that direction; but perhaps he had
+a patient to see.
+
+"Only to Eltham Green," he returned briefly.
+
+The answer was puzzling. Eltham Green was half a mile from the
+Cedars, and there was only one house there, beside a few scattered
+cottages; and I knew Uncle Geoffrey's patient, Mr. Anthony Lambert,
+who lived there, had died about a month ago.
+
+As Allan did not seem disposed to be communicative, I let the matter
+rest, and held my peace; and a few minutes quick walking brought us
+to the place.
+
+It was a little common, very wild and tangled with gorse, and in
+summer very picturesque. Some elms bordered the road, and there was a
+large clear-looking pond, and flocks of geese would waddle over the
+common, hissing and thrusting out their yellow bills to every passer-by.
+
+The cottages were pretty and rustic-looking, and had gay little
+gardens in front. They belonged to Mr. Lucas; and Eltham Cottage, as
+Mr. Lambert's house was called, was his property also.
+
+Flurry and I had always been very fond of the common, where Flossy
+had often run barking round the pond, after a family of yellow
+ducklings.
+
+"Eltham Cottage is still to let," I observed, looking up at the
+board; "it is such a pretty house"
+
+Allan made no response to that, but bade me enter, as he wanted to
+look at it.
+
+It was a long, two-storied cottage, with a veranda all round it, and
+in summer a profusion of flowers--roses and clematis, and a splendid
+passionflower--twined round the pillars and covered the porch.
+
+The woman who admitted us ushered us into a charming little hall,
+with a painted window and a glass door opening on to the lawn. There
+was a small room on one side of it, and on the other the dining room
+and drawing-room. The last was a very long, pleasant room, with three
+windows, all opening French fashion on to the veranda, and another
+glass door leading into a pretty little conservatory.
+
+The garden was small, but very tastefully laid out; but there was a
+southern wall, where peaches and nectarines were grown, and beehives
+stood, and some pretty winding walks, which led to snug nooks, where
+ferns or violets were hidden.
+
+"What a sweet place!" I exclaimed, admiringly, at which Allan looked
+exultant; but he only bade me follow him into the upper rooms.
+
+These were satisfactory in every respect. Some were of sunny aspect,
+and looked over the garden and some large park-like meadows; the
+front ones commanded the common.
+
+"There is not a bad room in the house," said Allan; and then he made
+me admire the linen-presses and old-fashioned cupboards, and the
+bright red-tiled kitchen looking out on a laurestinus walk.
+
+"It is a dear house!" I exclaimed, enthusiastically, at which Allan
+looked well-pleased. Then he took me by the arm, and drew me to a
+little window-seat on the upper landing--a proceeding that reminded
+me of the days at Combe Manor, when I sat waiting for him, and
+looking down on the lilies.
+
+"I am glad you think so," he said, solemnly; "for I wanted to ask
+your advice about an idea of mine; it came into my head this morning
+when we were all talking and planning, that this house would be just
+the thing for mother."
+
+"Allan!" I exclaimed, "you really do not mean to propose that we
+should leave Uncle Geoffrey?"
+
+"No, of course not," with a touch of impatience, for he was always a
+little hasty if people did not grasp his meaning at once, "but, you,
+see, houses in Milnthorpe are scarce, and we are rather too tight a
+fit at present. Besides, it is not quiet enough for Carrie: the noise
+of the carts and gigs on Monday morning jars her terribly. What I
+propose is, that you should all settle down here in this pretty
+countrified little nook, and take Uncle Geoff and Deb with you, and
+leave Martha and me to represent the Camerons in the old house in the
+High street."
+
+"But, Allan--" I commenced, dubiously, for I did not like the idea
+of leaving him behind; but he interrupted me, and put his views more
+forcibly before me.
+
+Carrie wanted quiet and country air, and so did Dot, and the
+conservatory and garden would be such a delight to mother. Uncle
+Geoffrey would be dull without us, and there was a nice little room
+that could be fitted up for him and Jumbles; he would drive in to his
+work every morning and he--Allan--could walk out and see us on two
+or three evenings in the week.
+
+"I must be there, of course, to look after the practice. I am afraid
+I am cut out for an old bachelor, Esther, like Uncle Geoff, for I do
+not feel at all dismal at the thought of having a house to myself,"
+finished Allan with his boyish laugh.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+TOLD IN THE SUNSET.
+
+
+What a clever head Allan had! I always said there was more in that
+boy than half a dozen Freds! To think of such a scheme coming into
+his mind, and driving us all nearly wild with excitement!
+
+Allan's strong will bore down all opposition. Mother's feeble
+remonstrances, which came from a sheer terror of change; even Uncle
+Geoffrey's sturdy refusal to budge an inch out of the old house where
+he had lived so long, did not weigh a straw against Allan's solid
+reasoning.
+
+It took a vast amount of talking, though, before our young autocrat
+achieved his final victory, and went off flushed and eager to settle
+preliminaries with Mr. Lucas. It was all sealed, signed, and
+delivered before he came back.
+
+The pretty cottage at Eltham was to be ours, furnished with Aunt
+Podgill's good old-fashioned furniture, and in the early days of
+April we were to accomplish our second flitting.
+
+The only remaining difficulty was about Jack; but this Uncle
+Geoffrey solved for us. The gig would bring him into Milnthorpe every
+morning, and he could easily drive Jack to her school, and the walk
+back would be good for her. In dark, wintry weather she could return
+with him, or, if occasion required it, she might be a weekly boarder.
+
+Mr. Lucas came back with Allan, and formally congratulated mother on
+her good fortune.
+
+I do not know if it were my fancy, but he seemed a little grave and
+constrained in his manners that evening, and scarcely addressed me at
+all until the close of his visit.
+
+"Under the circumstances I am afraid Flurry will have to lose her
+governess," he said, not looking at me, however, but at mother; and
+though I opened my lips to reply, my mother answered for me.
+
+"Well, yes, I am afraid so. Carrie depends so much on her sister."
+
+"Of course, of course," he returned, hastily; and actually he never
+said another word, but got up and said good-by to mother.
+
+But I could not let him go without a word after all his kindness to
+me; so, as Allan had gone out, I followed him out into the hall,
+though he tried to wave me back.
+
+"It is cold; I shall not open the hail door while you stand there,
+Miss Esther,"
+
+"Oh, I do not mind the cold one bit," I returned, nervously; "but I
+want to speak to you a moment, Mr. Lucas. Will you give Ruth my love,
+and tell her I will come and talk to her to-morrow, and--and I am so
+sorry to part with Flurry."
+
+"You are not more sorry than she will be," he returned, but not in
+his old natural manner; and then he begged me so decidedly to go back
+into the warm room that I dared not venture on another word.
+
+It was very unsatisfactory; something must have put him out, I
+thought, and I went back to mother feeling chilled and uncomfortable.
+Oh, dear! how dependent we are for comfort on the words and manners
+of those around us.
+
+I went to the Cedars the following afternoon, and had a long
+comfortable talk with Ruth. She even laid aside her usual quiet
+undemonstrativeness, and petted and made much of me, though she
+laughed a little at what she called my solemn face.
+
+"Confess now, Esther, you are not a bit pleased about all this money!"
+
+"Oh, indeed I am," I returned, quite shocked at this. "I am so
+delighted for mother and Dot and Carrie."
+
+"But not for yourself," she persisted.
+
+There was no deceiving Ruth, so I made a full confession, and
+stammered out, in great confusion, that I did not like losing her and
+Flurry; that it was wrong and selfish, when Carrie wanted me so; but
+I knew that even at Eltham I should miss the Cedars.
+
+She seemed touched at that. "You are a faithful soul, Esther; you
+never forget a kindness, and you cannot bear even a slight separation
+from those you love. We have spoiled you, I am afraid."
+
+"Yes, indeed," I returned, rather sadly, "you have been far too good
+to me."
+
+"That is a matter of opinion. Well, what am I to say to comfort you,
+when you find fault with even your good luck? Will it make you any
+better to know we shall all miss you dreadfully? Even Giles owned as
+much; and as for Flurry, we had quite a piece of work with her."
+
+"Mr. Lucas never even said he was sorry," I returned, in a piqued
+voice. It was true I was quite spoiled, for I even felt aggrieved
+that he did not join us in the drawing-room, and yet I knew he was in
+the house.
+
+"Oh, you do not know Giles," she answered, brightly; "he is one of
+the unselfish ones, he would not have damped what he thought your
+happiness for the world. You see, Esther, no one in their senses
+would ever believe that you were really sorry at your stroke of good
+fortune; it is only I who know you, my dear, that can understand how
+that is."
+
+Did she understand? Did I really understand myself? Anyhow, I felt
+horribly abashed while she was speaking. I felt I had been conducting
+myself in an unfledged girlish fashion, and that Ruth, with her staid
+common sense, was reproving me.
+
+I determined then and there that no more foolish expression of
+regret should cross my lips; that I would keep all such nonsense to
+myself; so when Flurry ran in very tearful and desponding, I took
+Ruth's cue, and talked to her as cheerfully as possible, giving her
+such vivid descriptions of the cottage and the garden, and the dear
+little honeysuckle arbor where Dot and she could have tea, that she
+speedily forgot all her regrets in delicious anticipations.
+
+"Yes, indeed," observed Ruth, as she benevolently contemplated us,
+"I expect Flurry and I will be such constant visitors that your
+mother will complain that there is no end of those tiresome Lucases.
+Run along, Flurry, and see if your father means to come in and have
+some tea. Tell him Esther is here."
+
+Flurry was a long time gone, and then she brought back a message
+that her father was too busy, and she might bring him a cup there,
+and that she was to give his kind regards to Miss Cameron, and that
+was all.
+
+I went home shortly after that, and found mother and Carrie deep in
+discussion about carpets and curtains. They both said I looked tired
+and cold, and that Ruth had kept me too long.
+
+"I think I am getting jealous of Ruth," Carrie said, with a gentle
+smile.
+
+And somehow the remark did not please me; not that Carrie really
+meant it, though; but it did strike me sometimes that both mother and
+she thought that Ruth rather monopolized me.
+
+My visits to the Cedars became very rare after this, for we were
+soon engrossed with the bustle of moving. For more than six weeks I
+trudged about daily between our house and Eltham Cottage. There were
+carpets to be fitted, and the furniture to be adapted to each room,
+and when that was done, Allan and I worked hard in the conservatory;
+and here Ruth often joined us, bringing with her a rare fern or plant
+from the well-stocked greenhouses at the Cedars. She used to sit and
+watch us at our labors, and say sometimes how much she wished she
+could help us, and sometimes she spent an hour or two with Carrie to
+make up for my absence.
+
+I rather reveled in my hard work, and grew happier every day, and
+the cottage did look so pretty when we had finished.
+
+Ruth was with me all the last afternoon. We lighted fires in all the
+rooms, and they looked so cozy. The table in the dining-room was
+spread with Aunt Podgill's best damask linen and her massive
+old-fashioned silver; and Deborah was actually baking her famous
+griddle cakes, to the admiration of our new help, Dorcas, before
+the first fly, with mother and Carrie and Dot, drove up to the
+door. I shall never forget mother's pleased look as she stood in
+the little hall, and Carrie's warm kiss as I welcomed them.
+
+"How beautiful it all looks!" she exclaimed; "how home-like and
+bright and cozy; you have managed so well, Esther!"
+
+"Esther always manages well," observed dear mother, proudly. The
+extent to which she believed in me and my resources was astonishing.
+She followed me all over the house, praising everything. I was glad
+Ruth heard her, and knew that I had done my best for them all. Allan
+accompanied the others, and we had quite a merry evening.
+
+Ruth stayed to tea. "She was really becoming one of us!" as mother
+observed; and Allan took her home. We all crowded into the porch to
+see them off; even Carrie, who was getting quite nimble on her
+crutches. It was a warm April night; the little common was flooded
+with moonlight; the spring flowers were sleeping in the white rays,
+and the limes glistened like silver. Uncle Geoffrey and I walked with
+them to the gate, while Ruth got into her pony carriage.
+
+I did not like saying good-night to Allan; it seemed so strange for
+him to be going back to the old house alone; but he burst into one of
+his ringing laughs when I told him so.
+
+"Why, I like it," he said, cheerily; "it is good fun being monarch
+of all I survey. Didn't I tell you I was cut out for an old bachelor?
+You must come and make tea for me sometimes, when I can't get out
+here." And then, in a more serious voice, he added, "It does put one
+into such good spirits to see mother and you girls safe in this
+pretty nest."
+
+I had never been idle; but now the day never seemed long enough for
+my numerous occupations, and yet they were summer days, too.
+
+The early rising was now an enjoyment to me. I used to work in the
+garden or conservatory before breakfast, and how delicious those
+hours were when the birds and I had it all to ourselves; and I hardly
+know which sang the loudest, for I was very happy, very happy indeed,
+without knowing why. I think this unreasoning and unreasonable
+happiness is an attribute of youth.
+
+I had got over my foolish disappointment about the Cedars. Ruth kept
+her word nobly, and she and Flurry came perpetually to the cottage.
+Sometimes I spent an afternoon or evening at the Cedars, and then I
+always saw Mr. Lucas, and he was most friendly and pleasant. He used
+to talk of coming down one afternoon to see how I was getting on with
+my fernery, but it was a long time before he kept his promise.
+
+The brief cloud, or whatever it was, had vanished and he was his own
+genial self. Flurry had not another governess, but Ruth gave her
+lessons sometimes, and on her bad days her father heard them. It was
+rather desultory teaching, and I used to shake my head rather
+solemnly when I heard of it; but Ruth always said that Giles wished
+it to be so for the present. The child was not strong, and was
+growing fast, and it would not hurt her to run wild a little.
+
+When breakfast was over, Dot and I worked hard; and in the afternoon
+I generally read to Carrie; she was far less of an invalid now, and
+used to busy herself with work for the poor while she lay on her
+couch and listened. She used to get mother to help her sometimes, and
+then Carrie would look so happy as she planned how this garment was
+to be for old Nanny Stables, and the next for her little grandson
+Jemmy. With returning strength came the old, unselfish desire to
+benefit others. It put her quite into spirits one day when Mrs.
+Smedley asked her to cover some books for the Sunday school.
+
+"How good of her to think of it; it is just work that I can do!" she
+said, gratefully; and for the rest of the day she looked like the old
+Carrie again.
+
+Allan came to see us nearly every evening. Oh, those delicious
+summer evenings! how vividly even now they seem to rise before me,
+though many, many happy years lie between me and them.
+
+Somehow it had grown a sort of habit with us to spend them on the
+common. Mother loved the sweet fresh air, and would sit for hours
+among the furze bushes and gorse, knitting placidly, and watching the
+children at their play, or the cottagers at work in their gardens;
+and Uncle Geoffrey, in his old felt hat, would sit beside her,
+reading the papers.
+
+Allan used to tempt Carrie for a stroll over the common; and when
+she was tired he and Jack and I would saunter down some of the long
+country lanes, sometimes hunting for glow-worms in the hedges,
+sometimes extending our walk until the moon shone over the silent
+fields, and the night became sweet and dewy, and the hedgerows
+glimmered strangely in the uncertain light.
+
+How cozy our little drawing-room always looked on our return! The
+lamp would be lighted on the round table, and the warm perfume of
+flowers seemed to steep the air with fragrance; sometimes the glass
+door would lie open, and gray moths come circling round the light,
+and outside lay the lawn, silvered with moonlight. Allan used to
+leave us regretfully to go back to the old house at Milnthorpe; he
+said we were such a snug party.
+
+When Carrie began to visit the cottages and to gather the children
+round her couch on Sunday afternoons, I knew she was her old self
+again. Day by day her sweet face grew calmer and happier; her eyes
+lost their sad wistful expression, and a little color touched her wan
+cheeks.
+
+Truly she often suffered much, and her lameness was a sad hindrance
+in the way of her usefulness; but her hands were always busy, and on
+her well days she spent hours in the cottages reading to two or three
+old people, or instructing the younger ones.
+
+It was touching to see her so thankful for the fragments of work
+that still fell to her share, content to take the humblest task, if
+she only might give but "a cup of cold water to one of these little
+ones;" and sometimes I thought how dearly the Good Shepherd must love
+the gentle creature who was treading her painful life-path so
+lovingly and patiently.
+
+I often wondered why Mr. Lucas never kept his promise of coming to
+see us; but one evening when Jack and Allan and I returned from our
+stroll we found him sitting talking to mother and Uncle Geoffrey.
+
+I was so surprised at his sudden appearance that I dropped some of
+the flowers I held in my hand, and he laughed as he helped me to pick
+them up.
+
+"I hope I haven't startled you," he said, as we shook hands.
+
+"No--that is--I never expected to see you here this evening," I
+returned, rather awkwardly.
+
+"Take off your hat, Esther," said mother, in an odd tone; and I
+thought she looked flushed and nervous, just as she does when she
+wants to cry. "Mr. Lucas has promised to have supper with us, and, my
+dear, he wants you to show him the conservatory and the fernery."
+
+It was still daylight, though the sun was setting fast; we had
+returned earlier than usual, for Allan had to go back to Milnthorpe,
+and he bade us goodnight hastily as I prepared to obey mother.
+
+Jack followed us, but mother called her back, and asked her to go to
+one of the cottages and fetch Carrie home. Such a glorious sunset met
+our eyes as we stepped out on the lawn; the clouds were a marvel of
+rose and violet and golden splendor; the windows of the cottage were
+glittering with the reflected beams, and a delicious scent of lilies
+was in the air.
+
+Mr. Lucas seemed in one of his grave moods, for he said very little
+until we reached the winding walk where the ferns were, and then----
+
+I am not going to repeat what he said; such words are too sacred;
+but it came upon me with the shock of a thunderbolt what he had been
+telling mother, and what he was trying to make me understood, for I
+was so stupid that I could not think what he meant by asking me to
+the Cedars, and when he saw that, he spoke more plainly.
+
+"You must come back, Esther; we cannot do without you any longer,"
+he continued very gently, "not as Flurry's governess, but as her
+mother, and as my wife."
+
+He was very patient with me, when he saw how the suddenness and the
+wonder of it all upset me, that a man like Mr. Lucas could love me,
+and be so clever and superior and good. How could such a marvelous
+thing have happened?
+
+And mother knew it, and Uncle Geoffrey, for Mr. Lucas had taken
+advantage of my absence to speak to them both, and they had given him
+leave to say this to me. Well, there could be no uncertainty in my
+answer. I already reverenced and venerated him above other men, and
+the rest came easy, and before we returned to the house the first
+strangeness and timidity had passed; I actually asked him--summoning
+up all my courage, however--how it was he could think of me, a mere
+girl without beauty, or cleverness, or any of the ordinary
+attractions of girlhood.
+
+"I don't know," he answered, and I knew by his voice he was smiling;
+"it has been coming on a long time; when people know you they don't
+think you plain, Esther, and to me you can never be so. I first knew
+what I really felt when I came out of the room that dreadful night,
+and saw you standing with drenched hair and white face, with Dot in
+your arms and my precious Flurry clinging to your dress; when I saw
+you tottering and caught you. I vowed then that you, and none other,
+should replace Flurry's dead mother;" and when he had said this I
+asked no more.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+RINGING THE CHANGES.
+
+
+When Mr. Lucas took me to mother, she kissed me and shed abundance
+of tears.
+
+"Oh, my darling, if only your poor father could know of this," she
+whispered; and when Uncle Geoffrey's turn came he seemed almost as
+touched.
+
+"What on earth are we to do without you, child?" he grumbled, wiping
+his eye-glasses. "There, go along with you. If ever a girl deserved a
+good husband and got it, you are the one."
+
+"Yes, indeed," sighed mother; "Esther is every one's right hand."
+
+But Mr. Lucas sat down by her side and said something so kind and
+comforting that she soon grew more cheerful, and I went up to Carrie.
+
+She was resting a little in the twilight, and I knelt down beside
+her and hid my face on her shoulder, and now the happy tears would
+find a vent.
+
+"Why, Esther--why, my dear, what does this mean?" she asked,
+anxiously; and then, with a sudden conviction dawning on her, she
+continued in an excited voice--"Mr. Lucas is here; he has been saying
+something, he--he----" And then I managed somehow to stammer out the
+truth.
+
+"I am so happy; but you will miss me so dreadfully, darling, and so
+will Dot and mother."
+
+But Carrie took me in her arms and silenced me at once.
+
+"We are all happy in your happiness; you shall not shed a tear for
+us--not one. Do you know how glad I am, how proud I feel that he
+should think so highly of my precious sister! Where is he? Let me get
+up, that I may welcome my new brother. So you and your dear Ruth will
+be sisters," she said, rallying me in her gentle way, and that made
+me smile and blush.
+
+How good Carrie was that evening! Mr. Lucas was quite touched by her
+few sweet words of welcome, and mother looked quite relieved at the
+sight of her bright face.
+
+"What message am I to take to Ruth?" he said to me, as we stood
+together in the porch later on that evening.
+
+"Give her my dear love, and ask her to come to me," was my
+half-whispered answer; and as I went to bed that night Carrie's
+words rang in my ears like sweetest music--"You and Ruth will be
+sisters."
+
+But it was Allan who was my first visitor. Directly Uncle Geoffrey
+told him what had happened, he put on his broad-brimmed straw hat,
+and leaving Uncle Geoffrey to attend to the patients, came striding
+down to the cottage.
+
+He had burst open the door and caught hold of me before I could put
+down Dot's lesson book. The little fellow looked up amazed at his
+radiant face.
+
+"What a brick you are, Esther, and what a brick he is!" fairly
+hugging me. "I never was so pleased at anything in my life. Hurrah
+for Mr. Lucas at the Cedars!" and Allan threw up his hat and caught
+it. No wonder Dot looked mystified.
+
+"What does he mean?" asked the poor child; "and how hot you look,
+Essie."
+
+"Listen to me, Frankie," returned Allan, sitting down by Dot. "The
+jolliest thing in the world has happened. Esther has made her
+fortune; she is going to have a good husband and a rich husband, and
+one we shall all like, Dot; and not only that, but she will have a
+dear little daughter as well."
+
+Dot fairly gasped as he looked at us both, and then he asked me
+rather piteously if Allan was telling him a funny story to make him
+laugh.
+
+"Oh, no, dear Dot," I whispered, bringing my face on a level with
+his, and bravely disregarding Allan's quizzical looks. "It is quite
+true, darling, although it is so strange I hardly know how to believe
+it myself. But one day I am going to the Cedars."
+
+"To live there? to leave us? Oh, Essie!" And Dot's eyes grew large
+and mournful.
+
+"Mr. Lucas wants me, and Flurry. Oh, my darling, forgive me!" as a
+big tear rolled down his cheek. "I shall always love you, Dot; you
+will not lose me. Oh, dear! oh dear! what am I to say to him, Allan?"
+
+"You will not love me the most any longer, Essie."
+
+And as I took him in my arms and kissed him passionately his cheek
+felt wet against mine.
+
+"Oh, Frankie, fie for shame!" interrupted Allan. "You have made
+Esther cry, and just now, when she was so happy. I did not think you
+were so selfish."
+
+But I would not let him go on. I knew where the pain lay. Dot was
+jealous for the first time in his life, and for a long time he
+refused to be comforted.
+
+Allan left us together by-and-by, and I took my darling on my lap
+and listened to his childish exposition of grief and the recital of
+grievances that were very real to him. How Flurry would always have
+me, and he (Dot) would be dull and left out in the cold. How Mr.
+Lucas was a very nice man; but he was so old, and he did not want him
+for a brother--indeed, he did not want a brother at all.
+
+He had Allan and that big, stupid Fred--for Dot, for once in his
+sweet life, was decidedly cross. And then he confided to me that he
+loved Carrie very much, but not half so well as he loved me. He
+wished Mr. Lucas had taken her instead. She was very nice and very
+pretty, and all that, and why hadn't he?
+
+But here I thought it high time to interpose.
+
+"But, Dot, I should not have liked that at all. And I am so happy,"
+I whispered.
+
+"You love him--that old, old man, Essie!" in unmitigated astonishment.
+
+"He is not old at all," I returned, indignantly; for, in spite of
+his iron-gray hair, Mr. Lucas could hardly be forty, and was still a
+young-looking man.
+
+Dot gave a wicked little smile at that. In his present mood he
+rather enjoyed vexing me.
+
+I got him in a better frame of mind by-and-by. I hardly knew what I
+said, but I kissed him, and cried and told him how unhappy he made
+me, and how pleased mother and Carrie and Jack were; and after that
+he left off saying sharp things, and treated me to a series of
+penitent hugs, and promised that he would not be cross with "my
+little girl" Flurry; for after that day he always persisted in
+calling her "my little girl."
+
+Dot had been a little exhausting, so I went down to the bench near
+the fernery to cool myself and secure a little quiet, and there Ruth
+found me. I saw her coming over the grass with outstretched hands,
+and such a smile on her dear face; and though I was so shy that I
+could scarcely greet her, I could feel by the way she kissed me how
+glad--how very glad--she was.
+
+"Dear Esther! My dear new sister!" she whispered.
+
+"Oh, Ruth, is it true?" I returned, blushing. "Last night it seemed
+real, but this morning I feel half in a dream. It will do me good to
+know that you are really pleased about this."
+
+"Can you doubt it, dearest?" she returned, reproachfully. "Have you
+not grown so deep into our hearts that we cannot tear you out if you
+would? You are necessary to all of us, Esther--to Flurry and me as to
+Giles----"
+
+But I put my hand on her lips to stop her. It was sweet, and yet it
+troubled me to know what he thought of me; but Ruth would not be
+stopped.
+
+"He came home so proud and happy last night. 'She has accepted me,
+Ruth,' he said, in such a pleased voice, and then he told me what you
+had said about being so young and inexperienced."
+
+"That was my great fear," I replied, in a low voice.
+
+"Your youth is a fault that will mend," she answered, quaintly. "I
+wish I could remember Giles' rhapsody--'So true, so unselfish, so
+womanly and devoted.' By-the-by, I have forgotten to give you his
+message; he will be here this afternoon with Flurry."
+
+We talked more soberly after a time, and the sweet golden forenoon
+wore away as we sat there looking at the cool green fronds of the
+ferns before us, with mother's bees humming about the roses. There
+was summer over the land and summer in my heart, and above us the
+blue open sky of God's Providence enfolding us.
+
+I was tying up the rose in the porch, when I saw Mr. Lucas and
+Flurry crossing the common. Dot, who was helping me, grew a little
+solemn all at once.
+
+"Here is your little girl, Essie," he said very gravely. My dear
+boy, how could he?
+
+"Oh, Esther," she panted, for she had broken away from her father at
+the sight of us, "auntie has told me you are going to be my own
+mamma, in place of poor mamma who died. I shall call you mammy. I was
+lying awake ever so long last night, thinking which name it should
+be, and I like that best."
+
+"You shall call me what you like, dear Flurry; but I am only Esther
+now."
+
+"Yes, but you will be mammy soon," she returned, nodding her little
+head sagely. "Mamma was such a grand lady; so big and handsome, she
+was older, too--" But here Mr. Lucas interrupted us.
+
+Dot received him in a very dignified manner.
+
+"How do you do?" he said, putting out his mite of a hand, in such an
+old-fashioned way. I could see Mr. Lucas' lip curl with secret
+amusement, and then he took the little fellow in his arms.
+
+"What is the matter, Dot? You do not seem half pleased to see me
+this afternoon. I suppose you are very angry with me for proposing to
+take Esther away. Don't you want an old fellow like me to be your
+brother?"
+
+Dot's face grew scarlet. Truth and politeness were sadly at
+variance, but at last he effected a compromise.
+
+"Esther says you are not so very old, after all," he stammered.
+
+"Oh, Esther says that, does she?" in an amused voice.
+
+"Father is not old at all," interrupted Flurry, in a cross voice.
+
+"Never mind, so that Esther is satisfied," returned Mr. Lucas,
+soothingly; "but as Flurry is going to be her little girl, you must
+be my little boy, eh, Dot?"
+
+"I am Esther's and Allan's little boy," replied Dot, rather
+ungraciously. We had spoiled our crippled darling among us, and had
+only ourselves to blame for his little tempers.
+
+"Yes, but you must be mine too," he replied, still more gently; and
+then he whispered something into his ear. I saw Dot's sulky
+countenance relax, and a little smile chase away his frown, and in
+another moment his arms closed round Mr. Lucas' neck; the
+reconciliation was complete.
+
+What a happy autumn that was! But November found us strangely busy,
+for we were preparing for my wedding. We were married on New Year's
+Day, when the snow lay on the ground. A quiet, a very quiet wedding,
+it was. I was married in my traveling dress, at Giles' expressed
+wish, and we drove straight from the church door to the station, for
+we were to spend the first few weeks in Devonshire.
+
+Dear Jessie, my old schoolmate, was my only bridesmaid; for Carrie
+would not hear of fulfilling that office on her crutches.
+
+I have a vague idea that the church was very full and I have a misty
+recollection of Dot, with very round eyes, standing near Allan; but I
+can recall no more, for my thoughts were engaged by the solemn vows
+we were exchanging.
+
+Three weeks afterward, and we were settled in the house that was to
+be mine for so many happy years; but never shall I forget the
+sweetness of that home-coming.
+
+Dear Ruth welcomed us on the threshold, and then took my hand and
+Giles' and led us into the bright firelit room. Two little faces
+peeped at us from the curtained recess, and these were Dot and
+Flurry. I had them both in my arms at once. I would not let Giles
+have Flurry at first till he threatened to take Dot.
+
+Oh, how happy we were. Ruth made tea for us, and I sat in my
+favorite low chair. The children scrambled up on Giles' knee, and he
+peeped at me between their eager faces; but I was quite content to
+let them engross him; it was pleasure enough for me to watch them.
+
+"Why, how grand you look, Essie!" Dot said at last. "Your fingers
+are twinkling with green and white stones, and your dress rustles
+like old Mrs. Jameson's."
+
+  "'And she shall walk in silk attire,
+   And silver have to spare,'"
+
+sang Giles. "Never mind Dot, Esther. Your brave attire suits you well."
+
+"She looks very nice," put in Ruth, softly; "but she is our dear old
+Esther all the same."
+
+"Nonsense, auntie," exclaimed Flurry, in her sharp little voice. "She is
+not Esther any longer; she is my dear new mammy." At which we all laughed.
+
+I was always mammy to Flurry, though my other darlings called me mother;
+for before many years were over I had Dots of my own--dear little fat
+Winnie, her brother Harold, and baby Geoffrey--to whom Ruth was always
+"auntie," or "little auntie," as my mischievous Harold called her.
+
+As the years passed on there were changes at Eltham Cottage--some of them
+sad and some of them pleasant, after the bitter-sweet fashions of life.
+
+The first great sorrow of my married life was dear mother's death. She
+failed a little after Harold's birth, and, to my great grief, she never
+saw my baby boy, Geoffrey. A few months before he came into the world she
+sank peacefully and painlessly to rest.
+
+Fred came up to the funeral, and stayed with Allan; he had grown a long
+beard, and looked very manly and handsome. His pictures were never
+accepted by the hanging committee; and after a few years he grew tired of
+his desultory work, and thankfully accepted a post Giles had procured for
+him in the Colonies. After this he found his place in life, and settled
+down, and when we last heard from him he was on the eve of marriage with a
+Canadian girl. He sent us her photograph, and both Giles and I approved of
+the open, candid face and smiling brown eyes, and thought Fred had done
+well for himself.
+
+Allan was a long time making his choice; but at last it fell on our new
+vicar's daughter, Emily Sherbourne; for, three years after our marriage,
+Mr. Smedley had been attacked by sudden illness, which carried him off.
+
+How pleased I was when Allan told me that he and Emmie had settled it
+between them. She was such a sweet girl; not pretty, but with a lovable,
+gentle face, and she had such simple kindly manners, so different from the
+girls of the present day, who hide their good womanly hearts under such
+abrupt loud ways. Emily, or, as we always called her, Emmie, was not
+clever, but she suited Allan to a nicety. She was wonderfully amiable, and
+bore his little irritabilities with the most placid good humor; nothing
+put her out, and she believed in him with a credulity that amused Allan
+largely; but he was very proud of her, and they made the happiest couple
+in the world, with the exception of Giles and me.
+
+Carrie lost her lameness, after all; but not until she had been up to
+London and had undergone skillful treatment under the care of a very
+skillful physician. I shall always remember Dot's joy when she took her
+first walk without her crutches. She came down to the Cedars with Jack,
+now a fine well-grown girl, and I shall never forget her sweet April face
+of smiles and tears.
+
+"How good God has been to me, Essie," she whispered, as we sat together
+under the cedar tree, while Jack ran off for her usual romp with Winnie
+and Harold. "I have just had to lie quiet until I learned the lesson He
+wanted me to learn years ago, and now He is making me so happy, and giving
+me back my work."
+
+It was just so; Carrie had come out of her painful ordeal strengthened
+and disciplined, and fit to teach others. No longer the weak, dreamy girl
+who stretched out over-eager hands for the work God in His wise providence
+withheld from her, she had emerged from her enforced retirement a bright
+helpful woman, who carried about her a secret fund of joy, of which no
+earthly circumstances could deprive her.
+
+"My sweet sister Charity," Allan called her, and the poor of Milnthorpe
+had reason to bless her; for early and late she labored among them,
+tending the sick and dying, working often at Allan's side among his poorer
+patients.
+
+At home she was Uncle Geoffrey's comfort, and a most sweet companion for
+him and Jack. As for Dot, he lived almost entirely at the Cedars. Giles
+had grown very fond of him, and we neither of us could spare him. They say
+he will always be a cripple; but what does that matter, when he spends day
+after day so happily in the little room Giles has fitted up for him?
+
+We believe, after all, Dot will be an artist. He has taken a lifelike
+portrait of my Harold that has delighted Giles, and he vows that he shall
+have all the advantages he can give him; for Giles is very rich--so rich
+that I almost tremble at the thought of our responsibilities; only I know
+my husband is a faithful steward, and makes a good use of his talents.
+Carrie is his almoner, and sometimes I work with her. There are some
+almshouses which Giles is building in which I take great interest, and
+where I mean to visit the old people, with Winnie trotting by my side.
+
+Just now Giles came in heated and tired. "What, little wife, still
+scribbling?"
+
+"Wait a moment, dear Giles," I replied. "I have just finished."
+
+And so I have--the few scanty recollections of Esther Cameron's life.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Esther, by Rosa Nouchette Carey
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESTHER ***
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