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diff --git a/old/68479-0.txt b/old/68479-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 18c9858..0000000 --- a/old/68479-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5214 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Windmills, by Gilbert Cannan - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Windmills - A book of fables - -Author: Gilbert Cannan - -Release Date: July 8, 2022 [eBook #68479] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS *** - - -[Illustration: Windmills - -Gilbert Cannan] - - - - - WINDMILLS - - A BOOK OF FABLES - - BY - GILBERT CANNAN - - [Illustration] - - NEW YORK B. W. HUEBSCH, INC. MCMXX - - - - - COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY - B. W. HUEBSCH, INC. - - PRINTED IN U. S. A. - - - - - TO - D. H. LAWRENCE - - - - - ... _a huge terrible monster, called Moulinavent, who, with four - strong arms, waged eternal battle with all their divinities, - dexterously turning to avoid their blows, and repay them with - interest._ - - A TALE OF A TUB - - - - - -CONTENTS - - - SAMWAYS ISLAND, 1 - - I TITTIKER, 3 - - II THE BISHOP, 5 - - III ARABELLA, 7 - - IV THE SKITISH NAVY, 10 - - V CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS, 15 - - VI HOSTILITIES, 16 - - VII SIEBENHAAR, 18 - - VIII MORE OF SIEBENHAAR, 22 - - IX SIEBENHAAR ON WOMEN, 24 - - X LOVE, 26 - - XI MUSIC, 26 - - XII ADRIFT, 29 - - XIII HUNGER, 31 - - XIV MILITARY, 31 - - XV NAVAL, 37 - - XVI NATIONAL, 38 - - XVII REUNION, 41 - - XVIII BETROTHAL, 42 - - XIX REACTION, 44 - - XX HOME, 46 - - - ULTIMUS, 49 - - I THE SON OF HIS FATHER, 51 - - II QUESTIONS, 53 - - III CIVILISATION, 57 - - IV WAR AND WOMEN, 62 - - V WIRELESS, 65 - - VI BICH IS OBSTINATE, 67 - - VII PLANS, 72 - - VIII IN FATTISH WATERS, 74 - - IX AN AFTERNOON CALL, 77 - - X THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, 80 - - XI HIGH POLITICS, 82 - - XII THE PUBLIC, 87 - - XIII THE EMPEROR, 89 - - XIV WAR, 93 - - XV SIEBENHAAR ON SOCIETY, 97 - - XVI PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS, 98 - - XVII PEACE, 102 - - XVIII THE RETURN OF THE ISLAND, 104 - - - GYNECOLOGIA, 107 - - I HISTORY, 109 - - II CASTAWAY, 112 - - III MY CAPTOR, 114 - - IV THE CHANGE, 117 - - V THE HOMESTEAD, 121 - - VI OBSEQUIES, 124 - - VII SLAVERY, 127 - - VIII A STRANGE WOOING, 128 - - IX THE RUINED CITY, 130 - - X THE OUTLAWS, 132 - - XI EDMUND, 135 - - XII THE NUNNERY, 138 - - XIII IN THE CAPITAL, 142 - - XIV THE EXAMINATION, 146 - - XV MEN OF GENIUS, 149 - - XVI REVOLUTION, 153 - - - OUT OF WORK, 159 - - I MR. BLY’S HEART BREAKS, 161 - - II MR. BLY IS IMPRISONED, 162 - - III THE DARK GENTLEMAN, 163 - - IV THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S STORY, 165 - - V COGITATION, 167 - - VI CONFLAGRATION, 167 - - VII TIB STREET, 169 - - VIII MR. BLY’S SERMON, 171 - - IX THE EFFECT OF MR. BLY’S SERMON, 173 - - X THE WIDOW MARTIN, 173 - - XI MAKING A STIR, 175 - - XII MAKING A STIRABOUT, 176 - - XIII SPARKS FLYING, 177 - - XIV SMOULDERING, 178 - - XV SUCCOUR, 178 - - XVI ON THE ROAD, 181 - - XVII JAH, 183 - - XVIII JAH SPEAKS, 185 - - XIX SONG, 186 - - XX MORNING, 187 - - XXI HOPE, 187 - - - - -PREFACE TO AMERICAN EDITION - - -Prophecy of an event is unlikely to be interesting after it and this -may be the reason why my prophetic utterances regarding the Great War -took the form of Satire. The first of these fables has a history. It -was published originally in London as a little orange-covered booklet, -called Old Mole’s Novel and it was issued simultaneously with Old Mole, -a character to whom I was so attached that it gave me great pleasure -to attribute authorship to him. Only a small edition was printed and -it soon ran out of print. A copy of it reached Germany and fell into -the hands of a group of young men who were incensed by the nonsense -the high-born Generals and Admirals were talking in the Reichstag and -I received enthusiastic letters asking for more so that these caustic -prophecies might circulate in Germany and serve as an antidote. That -was more encouragement than I had received in England and so, for my -German friends, who had the advantage of living under a frank and not a -veiled Junkerdom, I composed the remaining fables and finished them a -few months before the outbreak of war. The translation was proceeded -with but so far as I know the book was never issued in Germany. It -appeared in England early in 1915 and this intensely patriotic effort -of mine was condemned as unpatriotic because we had already caught the -German trick of talking of war as holy. It sold not at all in its first -expensive edition because it was not a novel, nor an essay, nor a play -and the British public had no training in Satire, but I have since had -letters from both soldiers and conscientious objectors saying that -the book was their constant companion and solace, and I have recently -learned that in a certain division of the British Army it was declared -to be a court-martial offense for any officer to have the book in his -possession, presumably on the principle that the soldier must not read -anything which his superiors cannot understand. That of course was good -for the sale of the book and the cheap edition also ran out of print -just about the time when the shortage of paper produced a crisis in the -affairs of authors and publishers. - -The book was useful to me when the time came as evidence that my -objection to war was not an objection to personal discomfort, the -element of danger, owing to my ill health, not arising as a point at -issue, though that would not have made any difference to my position. -My objection to war is that it does not do what its advocates say it -does, and that no good cause can be served by it. Good causes can only -be served by patience, endurance, sympathy, understanding, mind and -will. - -The attempt to remove militarism and military conceptions from among -human preoccupations is a good cause and that I will serve with the -only weapon I know how to use--the pen, which they say is mightier than -the sword or even the howitzer. Having applied myself to this service -before the outbreak of the Great War, which for me began in 1911, I was -not to be diverted from it by the panic confusion of those who were -overtaken by the calamity rather than prepared for it. With Windmills, -my essay on Satire, my critical study of Samuel Butler, the Interlude -in Old Mole, I was an active participant in the Great War before it -began, but of course no one pays any attention to a prophet, especially -when he is enough of an artist to desire to give his prophecy permanent -form. That indeed was my mistake. Had I thundered in the accents of -Horatio Bottomley instead of clipping my sentences to the mocking -murmur of satire I might have been a hero to some one else’s valet, not -having one of my own. Peace has her Bottomleys no less renowned than -war, but I am afraid I am not among their number, for I have long since -returned to the serious business of life, the composition of dramatic -works, and I am in the position that most ensures unpopularity, that -of being able to say ‘I told you so.’ - -I am a little alarmed when I consider how closely the Great War -followed my prophecy of it and turn to the fables, Gynecologia and -Out of Work, which follow logically from the other. A world governed -by women as lopsidedly as it has been by men would be much like that -depicted here, and the final collapse, if it came, would surely follow -the lines indicated in Out of Work. None of us knows exactly of what we -are a portent and who can imagine to what Lady Astor’s flight into fame -may lead? If I had not already dedicated this book to my friend D. H. -Lawrence I would, without her permission, inscribe upon it the name of -the first woman to take her Seat in the worst club in London, the House -of Commons. - - GILBERT CANNAN. - -New York, 1919. - - - - -Samways Island - - -I: TITTIKER - -George Samways awoke one night with a vague distressful feeling that -all was not well with his island. The moon was shining, but it was -casting the shadow of the palm tree in which he slept over the hollow -wherein he cooked his meals, and that had never happened before. - -He was alarmed and climbed down his palm tree and ran to the tall hill -from which he was accustomed to observe the sea and the land that -floated blue on the edge of the sea. The ascent seemed longer than -usual, and when he reached the summit he was horrified to find a still -higher peak before him. At this sight he was overcome with emotion and -lay upon the earth and sobbed. When he could sob no more he rose to his -feet and dragged himself to the top of the furthest peak and gazed out -upon an empty sea. The moon was very bright. There was no land upon the -edge of the sea. He raised his eyes heavenwards. The stars were moving. -He looked round upon his island. It was shrunk, and the forests were -uprooted and the little lake at the foot of the hill had disappeared. -Before and behind his island the sea was churned and tumbled, as it -was when he pressed his hands against the little waves when he went -into the water to cleanse himself. - -And now a wind came and a storm arose; rain came beating, and he -hastened back to the hole in the ground he had dug for himself against -foul weather. Then, knowing that he would not sleep, he lit his lamp of -turtle oil and pith and read _Tittiker_. - -_Tittiker_ was the book left to him by his father whom he had put -into the ground many years before, even as he had seen his father do -with his mother when he was a little child. He had been born on the -island, and could just remember his mother, and his father had lived -long enough to teach him how to fish and hunt and make his clothes of -leaves, feathers, and skins, and to read in _Tittiker_, but not long -enough to give him any clue to the meaning of the book. But whenever -he was sad it was a great solace to him, and he had read it from cover -to cover forty times, for it was like talking to somebody else, and it -was full of names and titles, to which he had attached personages, so -that the island was very thickly populated. Through _Tittiker_ he knew -that the earth moved round the sun, that the moon moved round the earth -and made the tides, that there were three hundred and sixty-five days -in the year, seven days in the week, and that printing is the art of -producing impressions from characters or figures. - - -II: THE BISHOP - -When, the next morning, he crawled out of his lair he saw a man -strangely clad in black, with a shiny corded hat on his head and an -apron hanging from his middle to his knees, gazing up into his palm -tree and down into his kitchen. The man in black saw him and, in the -language of _Tittiker_, said: - -“Alas, my poor brother!” - -“Are you my brother?” asked George. - -The man in black stepped back in amazement. - -“You speak Fattish?” he cried. - -“I have had no one to speak to for many years,” replied George; “but my -father spoke as you do.” - -“Let us pray,” said the man in black, kneeling down on the sands. - -“Pray? What is that?” - -“To God. Surely you are acquainted with the nature of God?” - -The word occurred in _Tittiker_. - -“I often wondered what it was,” said George. - -“Ssh!” said the man in black soothingly. “See! I will tell you. God -made the world in six days and rested the seventh day....” - -“It took me nearly six days to dig my father’s grave, and then I was -very tired.” - -“Ssh! Ssh! Listen.... God made the world in six days, and last of all -he made man and set him to live in his nakedness and innocence by the -sweat of his brow. But man ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge -and became acquainted with original sin in the form of a serpent, -and his descendants were born, lived and died in wickedness and were -reduced to so terrible a plight that God in His mercy sent His son to -point the way to salvation. God’s son was crucified by the Jews, was -wedded to the Church, and, leaving His bride to carry His name all over -the world and bring lost sheep home to the fold, ascended into Heaven. -But first He descended into Hell to show that the soul might be saved -even after damnation, and He rose again the third day. His Church, -after many vicissitudes, reached the faithful people of Fatland, which -for all it is a little island off the continent of Europe, has created -the greatest Empire the world has ever seen. The Fattish people have -been favoured with the only true Church, whose officers and appointed -ministers are deacons, priests, rural deans, prebendaries, canons, -archdeacons, deans, bishops, archbishops. I am a Bishop.” - -“All that,” said George, “is in _Tittiker_.” - -And he recited the names and salaries of six dioceses, but when he -came to the seventh the Bishop blushed and bade him forbear. - -“That,” he said, “is my diocese.” And he swelled out and looked down -his nose and made George feel very uncomfortable, so that to bridge the -difficulty he went back to the Bishop’s story. - -“I like that,” he said. “And Hell is such a good word. I never heard it -before.” - -“Hell,” replied the Bishop, “is the place of damnation.” - -“Ah! my father used to say ‘damnation.’” - -“Ssh!” - -“There is something about Jews in _Tittiker_, but what is original sin?” - -The Bishop looked anxiously from left to right and from right to left -and in a very low, earnest voice he said: - -“Are there no women on your island?” - - -III: ARABELLA - -Even as the Bishop spoke there came round the point a creature than -whom George had not even dreamed of any more fair. But her garments -seemed to him absurd, because they clung about her nether limbs so as -to impede their action. She came with little steps toward them, crying: - -“Father!” - -“My child! Not dead!” - -“No, dear father. I have been drying myself over there. I have been -weeping for you. I thought I was the only one saved.” - -“So I thought of myself. What a wonderful young woman you are! You look -as if you were going district visiting, so neat you are.” - -George was staring at her with all his eyes. Never had he heard more -lovely sounds than those that came from her lips. - -“My daughter, Arabella,” said the Bishop. - -She held out her hand. George touched it fearfully as though he dreaded -lest she should melt away. - -“I like you,” he said. - -“I’m so hungry,” cried Arabella. - -“I could eat an ox,” declared the Bishop. - -George produced a kind of bread that he made from seeds, and the leg -of a goat, and went off to the creek near by to fetch some clams. He -also caught a crab and they had a very hearty breakfast, washed down -with the milk of cocoanuts. The Bishop had explained the situation to -Arabella, and she said: - -“And am I really the first woman you have ever seen!” - -“I had a mother,” replied George simply, “But she was not beautiful -like you. She dressed differently and her legs were fat and strong.” - -“There, there!” said the Bishop. But Arabella laughed merrily. - -The Bishop told how they had been with nineteen other Bishops and -their families upon a cruise in the steam-yacht _Oyster_, each Bishop -engaging to preach on Sundays to the lay passengers, and how the -propeller had been broken and they had been carried out of their course -and tossed this way and that, and finally wrecked (he thought) with the -loss of all hands, though the wireless operator had stuck to his post -to the last and managed to get off the tidings of the calamity with -latitude and longitude into the air. - -It all conveyed very little to George, but it was an acute pleasure to -him to hear their voices, and as they talked he looked from one to the -other with a happy, friendly smile. - -He was very proud to show his island to his visitors, but distressed -at the havoc wrought by the storm, and he apologised for its unusual -behaviour in moving. - -“It has never done it before,” he explained, and was rather hurt -because Arabella laughed. - -He showed them where, as far as he could remember, his father and -mother lay buried, and he took them to the top of the hill, and to -amuse them caught a goat and a little kind of kangaroo there was in -the forest, and a turtle. He displayed his hammock in the palm tree and -showed how he curled up in it and wedged himself in so as not to fall -out, and promised to prepare two other trees for them. They demurred. -The Bishop asked if he might have the lair, and Arabella asked George -to build her a house. He did not know what a house was, but looked it -up in _Tittiker_ and could find mention only of the House of Swells and -the House of Talk. Arabella made a little house of sand; he caught the -idea and spent the day weaving her a cabin of palm branches and mud -and pebbles. He sang whole passages from _Tittiker_ as he worked, and -when it was finished he led Arabella to the cabin and she smiled so -dazzlingly that he reeled, but quickly recovered himself, remembered as -in a vision how it had been with his mother, flung his arms round her -neck and kissed her, saying: - -“I love you.” - -“I think we had better look for my father,” said Arabella. - - -IV: THE SKITISH NAVY - -For three nights did the Bishop sleep in the lair and Arabella in -her cabin. A grey scrub grew on the Bishop’s chin, and during the -daytime he instructed George solemnly and heavily as he delivered -himself of his invariable confirmation address,--(on the second day -he baptised George in the creek, and Arabella was delighted to be his -god-mother)--with an eager pride as he told him of the Skitish Isles -where his diocese and the seat of the Empire lay. The United Kingdom, -he said, consisted of four countries, Fatland, Smugland, Bareland, and -Snales, but only Fatland mattered, because the Fattish absorbed the -best of the Smugs and the Barish and the Snelsh and found jobs for the -cleverest of them in Bondon or Buntown, which was the greatest city in -the world. He assured George that he might go down on his knees and -thank God--now that he was baptised--for having been born a Fattishman, -and that if they ever returned to Bondon he would receive a reward for -having added to the Skitish Empire. - -George knew all about the Emperor-King and his family, and liked the -idea of giving his island as a present. He asked the Bishop if he -thought the Emperor-King would give him Arabella. - -“That,” said the Bishop, “does not rest with the Emperor-King.” - -“But I want her,” answered George. - -Thereafter the Bishop was careful never to leave his daughter alone, -so that at last she protested and said she found Mr. Samways very -interesting and was perfectly able to take care of herself. - -So she was, and next time George kissed her she gave him a motherly -caress in return and he was more than satisfied; he was in an ecstasy -of happiness and danced to please her and showed her all the little -tricks he had invented to while away the tedium of his solitude, as -lying on his back with a great stone on his feet and kicking it into -the air, and walking on his knees with his feet in his hands, and -thrusting his toe into his mouth. He was downcast when she asked him -not to repeat some of his tricks. - -On the fourth day, for want of any other employment, the Bishop decided -to confirm George, who consented willingly when he learned that -Arabella had been confirmed. The ceremony impressed him greatly, and he -had just resolved never to have anything to do with Original Sin when -a terrifying boom broke in upon their solemnity. Some such noise had -preceded the detachment of the island, and George ran like a goat to -the top of the hill, whence, bearing down, he saw a dark grey vessel -belching smoke and casting up a great wave before and leaving a white -spume aft. Also on the side of the island away from his dwelling he saw -two sticks above water, and knew, from the Bishop’s description, that -it must be the steam-yacht _Oyster_. He hastened back with the news, -and presently the vessel hove in sight of the beach, and it conceived -and bare a little vessel which put out and came over the waves to the -shore. A handsome man all gold and blue stepped out of the little -vessel and planted a stick with a piece of cloth on it on the sands and -said: - -“I claim this island for the Skitish Empire.” - -“This island,” said the Bishop, “is the property of Mr. George Samways.” - -“Damme,” roared the man in gold and blue, “it isn’t on the chart.” - -“Mr. Samways was born here,” said Arabella with the most charming smile. - -“Yes.” George saw the man glance approvingly at Arabella and was -anxious to assert himself. “Yes, I was born on the island, but it broke -loose in a storm.” - -The officer roared again, the Bishop protested, the men in the boat -grinned, and at last Arabella took the affair in hand and explained -that her father was the Bishop of Bygn and that they had been in the -ill-fated _Oyster_. - -The officer removed his hat and begged pardon. They had received -messages from the _Oyster_, but the bearings were wrongly reported. -Sighting land not marked on the chart, they had decided to turn in to -annex it, but, of course, if Mr. Samways were a Skitish subject that -would be unnecessary, and--hum, ha!--All’s well that ends well and it -was extremely fortunate. - -Arabella said that Mr. Samways was not only a Skitish subject but a -member of the Church of Fatland, and would be only too pleased to -hand over his island to the Colonial or whatever office might desire -to govern it. Mr. Samways was, so far, the island’s whole permanent -population and would gladly give all particulars. For herself she was -only anxious to return to Fatland, and was excited at the prospect of -travelling on board one of the Emperor-King’s ships of war. Meanwhile -would Mr. ---- - -“Bich.” - ---would Mr. Bich stay to luncheon? - -Mr. Bich stayed to luncheon. In the afternoon he made a rough survey -of the island, sounded the surrounding waters, declared that movement -had ceased, and that so far as he could make out the island was fast -on a submarine reef, with which it had collided so violently that -a promontory had cracked and was even now sinking, and with it the -_Oyster_. - -Careful examination of the shore on that side of the island revealed -no more than the bodies of two Lascars, two nailbrushes, a corded silk -hat, a Bible, a keg of rum and five tins of condensed milk. In that -awful shipwreck had perished nineteen Bishops and their families, a -hundred and ten members of the professional and trading classes, the -crew, the captain, mates, and a cat. - -They stood there on that wild shore amid the solitude of sea and sky, -the Skitish officer, the Bishop, Arabella, and George Samways, and -their emotions were too deep for words. - - -V: CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS - -The ship lay-to, and, while the Captain and Mr. Bich discussed the -island in the language of their trade, the Bishop, whenever possible, -preached a sermon, or discoursed on the beauties of nature; but -Arabella took George under her protection, had his hair cut and his -beard shaved, and with a smile bought of the youngest sub-lieutenant -a suit of his shore-going clothes, a set of shirts, collars, and all -necessary under-garments. George found them most uncomfortable, but -bore with them for her sake. - -As the result of the eloquence of Mr. Bich the Captain went ashore -and returned to report that, the promontory now having sunk to the -depths of the ocean, a very decent harbour had been made and the island -would be valuable to the Empire as a coaling-station. His pockets were -bulging when he came aboard, and Arabella elicited from Mr. Bich that -the island was rich in precious stones and metals, and that the pebbles -of which her cabin had been built were emeralds and aquamarines such as -had never before been seen. Arabella told her father, and he bade her -say nothing, adding impressively: - -“We must protect Mr. Samways’ interests.” - -But George was thinking of nothing but the best means of obliterating -Mr. Bich, upon whom it seemed to him that Arabella was casting a too -favourable eye. - - -VI: HOSTILITIES - -As the ship steamed away from the island the smoke of another vessel -was sighted. It was signalled, but no reply was hoisted. There was -great excitement on board and the chief gunner said: - -“Let me have a go at them.” - -The Captain stood upon the bridge, a figure of calm dignity with a -telescope to his eye. Mr. Bich explained to Arabella and George that -the ship was a Fatter ship, and that the Fatters had lately been taking -islands on the sly without saying anything to anybody, because they -were jealous of the Skitish Empire and wanted to have one too. - -“Do islands make an Empire?” asked George. - -“Anything you can get,” replied Mr. Bich. - -The Fatter ship was making for the island. After her went the grey -vessel, and it was a nose-to-nose race who should first reach the -harbour. The Fatter ship won. The grey vessel fired a gun. The gig was -lowered and the Captain, looking very grim and determined, put off in -her.... Arabella dropped a pin and it was heard all over the vessel. -It was a relief to all on board when the Bishop knelt and offered up -a prayer for the Captain’s safety. The Amen that came at the end of -it brought the tears to George’s eyes, and his blood ran cold when it -swelled into a cheer as the Captain’s gig broke loose from the Fatter -ship and came tearing over the smooth waters. - -The Captain’s face was very white as he stepped on deck and called Mr. -Bich and the other officers to his state-room, and whiter still were -the faces of Mr. Bich and the officers when they left it. The vessel -shook with the vibration of the engines: there was a strange and stormy -muttering among the men: the vessel headed for the open sea. George was -taken to his cabin and locked in. He lay down on the floor and tried -to go to sleep. A roaring and a rumbling and a banging and a thudding -made that impossible. The shaking made him feel so sick that he wished -to die. Near by he could hear Arabella weeping, and that was more -than he could bear. He thrust and bumped against his door and worked -himself into a sweat over it, but it seemed that it would not give. As -he reached the very pit of despair, the door gave, the floor gave, the -walls heaved in upon him; in one roaring convulsion he was flung up and -up and up, and presently came down and down and down into the sea. It -tasted salt and was cool to his sweating body and he was glad of it. - - -VII: SIEBENHAAR - -He was not glad of it for long, because he soon became very cold and -was nipped to numbness. He assumed that it was the end, and felt a -remote regret for Arabella. Other thought he had none. - -When he came to himself he was, or seemed to be, once more in the room -from which he had been so violently propelled, but there were two men -standing near him and talking in a strange tongue. Presently there came -a third man who spoke to him in Fattish. - -“Hullo! Thought you were done in,” said the man. - -George stared. - -“Done in. Dead.” - -“Yes, I was.” - -The man laughed. - -“Funny fellow you are. Eyes just like a baby.” - -“Where is Arabella?” asked George. “Where am I?” - -“Give you three guesses,” said the man. - -“On a ship?” - -“Right.” - -“The Emperor-King’s ship?” - -“No. The King-Emperor’s. You have the honour to be the first prisoner -in the great Fattero-Fattish war.” - -“War? What is that?” - -“War? You don’t know what war is? Have you never read a newspaper?” - -“I have only read _Tittiker_. It tells about a War Office, but I never -knew what it was for.” - -“My name’s Siebenhaar, engineer and philosophical student, and I fancy -you are the man I have been looking for all my life. You should be -capable of a pure idea....” - -“What,” asked George, “is an idea?” - -Siebenhaar flung his arms around him and embraced him and recited a -long poem in his own language. - -“You shall be presented at the Universities!” he said. “You shall be a -living reproach to all writers, thinkers, artists, and I, Siebenhaar, -will be your humble attendant.” - -“Did I say anything unusual?” - -“Unusual? Unique! Colossal! The ultimate question! ‘What is war? What -is an idea?’ Ach?” - -George insisted on an explanation of the meaning of war, and then he -asked why the Fattish and the Fatters should be intent upon mutual -destruction, and also what the difference between them might be. - -“Difference?” said Siebenhaar. “The Fattish drink beer that you can -hold; the Fatters drink beer that runs through you. That is all there -is to it.” - -With that he sent for some Fatter beer and drank a large quantity -himself and made George taste it. He spat it out. - -“Is that why they are making war?” - -Siebenhaar smacked his lips. - -“Man,” he said, “is the creature of his internal organs, almost, I -might say, their slave. The lungs, the heart, the kidneys, the stomach, -the bladder, these control a man, and every day refashion him. If -they do their work well, so does he. If they do it ill, then so does -he. Each of the organs has secretions which periodically choke their -interaction, and bring about a state of ill-humour and discomfort in -which the difference between man and man is accentuated, and their good -relations degenerate into hatred and envy and distrust. At such times -murders are committed and horrible assaults, but frequently discretion -prevails over those desires, suppresses them but does not destroy them. -They accumulate and find expression in war, which has been led up to -by a series of actions on the part of men suffering from some internal -congestion. Modern war, they say, is made by money, and the lust for -it. That is no explanation. No man becomes a victim of the lust for -money except something interferes with his more natural lusts: no man, -I go so far as to say, could so desire money as to become a millionaire -except he were const----” - -“But what has this to do with beer?” interrupted George. - -“I’m coming to that,” continued Siebenhaar. - -“Beer taken in excess is a great getter of secretions, and man is so -vain an animal as to despise those whose secretions differ from his -own. What is more obvious than that the implacable enemies of the -Eastern hemisphere should be those whose drink is so much the same -but so profoundly different in its effects? Internal congestion may -bring about war, but in this war the material is undoubtedly supplied -by beer. And I may add, in support of my theory, that once war is -embarked upon, those engaged in it suffer so terribly from internal -disorganisation as to become unanswerable for their actions, and so -mad as to rejoice in the near prospect of a violent death. Moltke was -notoriously decayed inside and the state of Napoleon’s internal organs -will not bear thinking on.” - -George protested that he had never heard of Napoleon or Moltke, and -Siebenhaar was on the point of embracing him, when, muttering something -about Fatter beer, he rose abruptly and left the room. - - -VIII: MORE OF SIEBENHAAR - -“There is a woman aboard,” said Siebenhaar when he returned. “I suppose -you have never seen a woman?” - -“Two,” said George simply. - -Siebenhaar slapped his leg. - -“Have you any theory about them?” he asked. - -“Theory? I don’t know what theory is. I loved them. I put my arms round -their necks and rubbed my face against their soft faces. It was very -nice. I should like to do it every night before I go to sleep. I should -like to do it now.” - -“You shall,” said Siebenhaar, and he went out and came back with -Arabella. - -George leaped from his berth and flung his arms round her neck and -embraced her, and she was so surprised and delighted that she kissed -him, and Siebenhaar wept to see it. - -“I don’t know who you are, madam,” he said, “but if I were you I should -stick to that young man like a barnacle to a ship’s bottom. I would -creep into his heart and curl up in it like a grub in a ripe raspberry, -and I would go down on my knees and thank Heaven for having sent me -the one man in the modern world who may be capable of a genuine and -constant affection. You have him, madam, straight from his mother’s -arms, with a soul, a heart, as virgin as I hope your own are.” - -Arabella disengaged herself from George’s now ardent embrace, drew -herself up, and with the haughtiness of her race, said: - -“My father was a bishop of the Church of Fatland.” - -“That,” said Siebenhaar, “does not exempt you from the normal internal -economy of your sex or its need of the (perfectly honest) love of the -opposite sex. My point is that you have here an unrivalled opportunity -of meeting an honest love, and I implore you to take it.” - -“I would have you know,” retorted Arabella, “that I am engaged to my -late father’s chaplain.” - -“War,” said Siebenhaar, “is war, and I should advise you to seek -protection where it is offered.” - -“If you would hold my hand in yours,” said George to Arabella, “I think -I should sleep now. I am so tired.” - -Arabella held George’s hand and in two minutes he was asleep. - - -IX: SIEBENHAAR ON WOMEN - -“There are some,” said Siebenhaar, “who regard women as a disease, a -kind of fungoid distortion of the human form. But only the very lowest -species are hermaphrodite, and the higher seem to be split up into -male and female for the purpose of reproduction without temporary -loss of efficiency in the task of procuring food. The share of the -male in the act of reproduction is soon over, and among the wisest -inhabitants of the globe the male is destroyed as soon as his share is -performed. Human beings are not very wise: they have an exaggerated -idea of their importance; and they are reluctant to destroy the life of -their kind except in occasional outbursts of organised homicide such -as that on which we are now engaged. The share of the female entails -the devotion of many months, during which she needs the protection of -the male, whom, for that reason, and also because she hopes to repeat -the performance, she retains by every art at her disposal. Hence has -arisen the institution of marriage, which pledges the male to the -protection of the female and their offspring. Whether a moral principle -is engaged in this institution is a question upon which philosophers -cannot agree. It is therefore left out of most systems of philosophy. -Mine is based on my answer to it, which is that there is no moral -principle engaged. Morality is for the few who are capable of it. Few -men have the capacity for ideas, but all men love women, except a -few miserable degenerates, who prefer a substitute. There is no idea -in marriage. It is an expedient. Sensible communities admit of open -relief from it; in duller communities relief has to be sought in the -byways. And still no moral principle is engaged. It is a matter only -of supplying the necessities of human nature. Now, love is a different -affair altogether. Love is an idea, a direct inspiration. It alone -can transcend the tyranny of the internal organs and lead a man not -only to perceive his limitations but within them to create beauty, and -creative a man must be directly he becomes aware of the heat of love in -the heart of a woman. There is no other such purging fire, none that -can so illuminate the dark places of the world or so concentrate and -distil such lightness as there is. All evil, I have said, comes from -congestion; to release the good a purge is necessary, and there is no -purge like woman. Therefore, madam, I do most solemnly charge you to -tend the fire of love in your heart. Never again will you find a man so -sensible to its warmth--(most men can see no difference between love -and indigestion)--Oh, madam, discard all thoughts of marriage, which is -an expedient of prudence, which is cowardice, of modesty, which is a -lure, of innocence, which in an adult female is a lie, to the winds, do -exactly as you feel inclined to do, and love. Madam ----” - -But by this Arabella was asleep. She had sunk back against George, her -lovely tresses lay upon his shoulder, and her hand clasped his. - -Siebenhaar wiped away a tear, heaved a great sigh, took his beer-mug in -his hand and crept away on tip-toe. - - -X: LOVE - - -XI: MUSIC - -On deck was a band playing dirge-like dragging hymns, for the Admiral -of that ship was a very pious man and believed that the Almighty was -personally directing the war against the enemies of Fatterland, and -would be encouraged to hear that ship’s company taking him seriously. - -No sooner did Siebenhaar set foot on deck than he was arrested. - -The Chaplain had listened to every word of his discourse and reported -it to the Admiral, who detested Siebenhaar because he was always -laughing and was very popular with the crew. Word for word the -Chaplain had quoted Siebenhaar’s sayings, so that he could deny nothing -but only protest that it was purely a private matter, a series of -opinions and advice given gratuitously to an interesting couple. - -“Nothing,” roared the Admiral, “is given to the enemies of our country.” - -“We are all human,” said Siebenhaar. “I was carried away by the -discovery of human feeling amid the callousness of this pompous war.” - -The Admiral went pale. The Chaplain shuddered. The officers hid their -faces. - -“He has spoken against God’s holy war,” said the Chaplain. - -“That’s all my eye,” said Siebenhaar. “Why drag God into it? You are -making war simply because you have so many ships that you are ashamed -not to use them. The armament companies want to build more ships and -can invent no other way of getting rid of them.” - -“God has given us ships of war,” said the Chaplain, “even as He has -given us the good grain and the fish of the sea. Who are we that we -should not use them?” - -The sub-Chaplain had been sent to discover the effect of Siebenhaar’s -advice upon the enemies of Fatterland. The accused had just opened -his mouth to resume his defence when the sub-Chaplain returned and -whispered into the ear of his chief. - -“God help us all!” cried the Chaplain. “They are desecrating His ship!” - -There was a whispered consultation. George and Arabella were brought -before the court, and if George was the object of general execration, -Arabella won the admiration of all eyes, especially the Admiral’s, who -regarded his affections as his own particular, private and peculiar -devil and was now tempted by him. The Chaplain held forth at great -length; the Admiral grunted in apostrophe. Only Siebenhaar could -interpret. He said: - -“They say we have blasphemed their God of War. I by giving advice, you -by acting on it. It is not good to be fortunate and favoured among -hundreds of mateless males. It will go hard with us.” - -“And Arabella?” asked George. - -“They will keep Arabella,” replied Siebenhaar. - -They were silenced. - -A boat was stocked with corned beef, biscuits, and water. George and -Siebenhaar were placed in it and it was lowered. The band resumed its -playing of dirge-like dragging hymns, and through the wailing of the -oboes and the cornet-à-piston George could hear the sobs of Arabella. - - -XII: ADRIFT - -“Now,” said Siebenhaar, “you have an opportunity to exercise your -national prerogative and rule the waves.” - -George made no reply. His internal organs were supplying him with an -illustration of Siebenhaar’s theory. The waves did just as they liked -with the boat, sent it spinning in one direction, wrenched it back in -another, slipped from under it, picked it up again and every now and -then playfully sent a drenching spray over its occupants. - -Siebenhaar talked, sang and slept, and, when he was doing none of these -things, ate voraciously. - -“I insist on dying with a full stomach,” he said when George protested. - -George ate and slept and thought of Arabella, when he could think at -all. - -“Death,” said Siebenhaar, “must be very surprising: but then, so is -life when you penetrate its disguises and discover its immutability. -We hate death only because it is impossible to pretend that it is -something else, so that it comes at the end of the comedy to give us -the lie. After this experience I think I shall change my philosophy -and seek the truth of life with the light of death. You never know: it -might become fashionable. Women like their thoughts ready-made, and -they like them bizarre. Women are undoubtedly superior to men....” - -But by this time George was in such a state of discomfort that he lay -flat on his face in the bottom of the boat and groaned: - -“I am going to die.” - -“Eat,” said Siebenhaar, “eat and drink.” And he offered corned beef and -water. - -“I want to die,” moaned George, and he wept because death would not -come at once. He hid his face in his hands and howled and roared. -Siebenhaar himself ate the corned beef and drank the water, and went on -eating and drinking until he had exhausted all their supply. Then he -curled up in the bows and went to sleep and snored. - -And the waves changed their mood and gave the boat only a gentle -rocking. - -George opened his eyes and gazed up into the sky. It was night and the -stars were shining brilliantly. Red and yellow and white they were and -they danced above him. He was astonished to find that he did not wish -to die. He was very hungry. He crawled over to Siebenhaar and shook him -and woke him up. - -There was neither food nor water in the locker. - -“In the great cities of the civilised world,” said Siebenhaar, “there -are occasional performers who go without food for forty days. We shall -see.” - -“I am thirsty,” whimpered George. - -“Those occasional performers,” returned Siebenhaar, “drink water and -smoke cigarettes, and they are sheltered from the elements by walls of -glass. We shall see.” - -With that he turned over and went to sleep again. - - -XIII: HUNGER - -George’s face was sunk and his eyes glared. Siebenhaar tried to spit -into the sea, but it was impossible. He was daunted into silence. - -Another day began to dawn. - -“If this goes on,” said George in a dry whistling croak of a voice, “I -shall eat you.” - -And he glared so at Siebenhaar’s throat that the philosopher turned up -his coat collar to cover it. - - -XIV: MILITARY - -At dawn a shower of rain came. They collected water in George’s boots. -They had already eaten Siebenhaar’s. - -Thus revived, George stood up, and on the edge of the sea saw blue land -and little white sails. They came nearer and nearer, and presently they -were delivered by a little vessel that contained one white man and ten -negroes. Neither George nor Siebenhaar could speak, but they pointed to -their bellies and were given to eat. - -“I recant,” said Siebenhaar. “There is nothing to be learnt from death, -for death is nothing. The stomach is lord of life and master of the -world.” - -With that he recounted their adventures and the reason for their being -in such a woeful plight. The master of the ship, on learning that -Siebenhaar was a Fatter, said that he must deliver him up as a prisoner -when they reached Cecilia, the capital of the Fattish colony which they -would see as soon as the fleet--for it was a fishing fleet--turned into -the bay. - -“As a Philosopher,” said Siebenhaar, “I have no nationality. As an -engineer--but I am no longer an engineer. The Admiral and the Chaplain -will have seen to that. My life is now devoted to Mr. Samways, as in -a certain narrower sense it has nearly been.” And he told the master -of the ship how George was by birth the proprietor of the island in -dispute between the two nations, and how the island shone with precious -stones and glittered with a mountain of gold. The master’s cupidity was -aroused, and he agreed to grant Siebenhaar his liberty on the promise -of a rich reward at the conclusion of the war. He was a Fattishman, and -could not believe that there would be any other end than a Fattish -triumph. - -A pact was signed and they sailed into Cecilia, the governor of which -colony was Siebenhaar’s cousin and delighted to see him and to have a -chance of talking the Fatter language and indulging in philosophical -speculations for which his Fattish colleagues had no taste. He welcomed -George warmly on his first entry in a civilised land, and was delighted -to instruct him in the refinements of Fattish manners: how you did -not eat peas or gravy with your knife, and how (roughly speaking) -no portion of the body between the knees and shoulders might be -mentioned in polite society, and how sneezing and coughing and the like -sudden affections were to be checked or disguised. George talked of -Arabella and the wonderful stir of the emotions she had caused in him. -Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch (for that was his name) was greatly -shocked, and told how in the best Fattish society all talk of love was -forbidden, left by the men to the women, and how among men the emotions -were never discussed, and how, since it was impossible to avoid all -mention of that side of life, men in civilisation had invented a system -of droll stories which both provided amusement and put a stop to the -embarrassment of intimate revelations. - -However, as George’s vigour was restored by the good food he ate in -enormous quantities, he could not forbear to think of Arabella or to -talk of her. He spoke quite simply of her to a company of officers, and -they roared with laughter and found it was the best story they had ever -heard. - -When the officers were not telling droll stories, they were playing -cards or ball games or boasting one against the other or talking about -money. - -George asked what money was, and they showed him some. He was -disappointed. He had expected something much more remarkable because -they had been so excited about it. They told him he must have money, -and Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch gave him a sovereign. A man in -the street asked George to lend him a sovereign and George gave it to -him. The officers were highly amused. - -The adventurers had not been in Cecilia above a week when the town was -besieged and presently bombarded. Except that there was a shortage of -food and that every day at least thirty persons were killed, there was -no change in the life of the place. The officers told droll stories and -played cards or ball games or boasted one against the other or talked -about money. They ate, drank, slept, and quarrelled, and George found -them not so very much unlike himself except that he was serious about -his love for Arabella, while they laughed. He asked Siebenhaar what -civilisation was. Said the philosopher with a wave of his hand: - -“They have built a lot of houses.” - -“But the ships out there are knocking them down.” - -“They have made railways from one town to another.” - -“But the black men have torn the railways up.” (For the native tribes -had risen.) - -Said Siebenhaar: - -“No one can define civilisation. It means doing things.” - -“Why?” - -“Thou art the greatest of men,” replied Siebenhaar, and his face beamed -approbation and love upon his friend. But to put an unanswerable -question to Siebenhaar was to set him off on his theories. - -“First,” he said, “the stomach must be fed. Two men working together -can procure more food than two men working separately. That is as far -as we have got. Until the two men trust each other we are not likely to -get any further. Until then they will steal each other’s tools, goods, -women, and squabble over the proceeds of their work and make the world -a hell for the young. When one man steals or murders it is a crime: -when forty million men steal, murder, rape, burn, destroy, pillage, -sack, oppress, they are making glorious history, a lot of money, and, -if they like to call it so, an Empire. But Empire and petty thefts -are both occasioned by the lamentable distrust of the two men of our -postulate.” - -“But for Arabella,” said George, “I could wish I had never left my -island.” - -News of the war came dribbling in. The island had been twice captured -by the Fatter fleet, and twice it had been evacuated. The Fatters had -suffered defeat in their home waters but had gained a victory in the -Indian seas. Came news that the island had again been captured, then -the tidings that the whole of the Fatter fleet and army was to be -concentrated upon Cecilia and the colony of which it was the capital. - -“Why?” asked George. - -“Because a new reef of gold has been discovered up-country.” - -The bombardment grew very fierce. From the mountain above the town -ships of war could be seen coming from all directions, and some of them -were Fattish ships, but not enough as yet to come to grips with the -Fatter fleet. - -The inland frontiers were attacked but held, though with frightful loss -of life. Then one night from the Fatter fleet came a landing party, -and Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch called a council of war, and the -officers sat from ten o’clock until three in the morning debating what -had best be done. - -At half-past one the landing party were only a mile away. A shell -burst in the street as George was walking to his lodging and three men -were killed in front of him. It was the first time he had seen such a -thing. It froze his blood. He gave a yell that roused the whole town, -ran, was followed by a crowd of riff-raff seizing weapons as they went, -and rushed down upon the enemy, who had stopped for a moment to see -two dogs fighting in the road. They were taken by surprise and utterly -routed. - -There is no more rousing episode in the whole military history of -Fatland. George was for three days the hero of the Empire. He received -by wireless telegraphy countless offers of marriage, ten proposals -from music-hall engagements, and by cable a demand for the story of -the fight from the noble proprietor of a Sunday newspaper. It was -impossible to persuade that noble proprietor that there was no extant -photograph of Mr. Samways, and a fortune was spent in cablegrams in the -fruitless attempts to do so. - - -XV: NAVAL - -As it turned out the concentration on Cecilia was a fatal tactical -error, directly traceable to the King-Emperor, who had never left the -capital of Fatterland and had been misled by certain telegrams which -had been wrongly deciphered. The entire Fattish navy was collected -upon the bombarding fleet and utterly destroyed it. - -George and Siebenhaar watched the engagement from the mountain above -Cecilia. It was almost humorous to see the huge vessels curtsey to the -water and so disappear. It was astonishing to see the Fattish admiral -surround nine of his own vessels and cause them also to curtsey and -disappear. - -“What in hell,” said George, who had by now learned the nature of an -oath, “what in hell is he doing that for?” - -“That,” said Siebenhaar, “is for the benefit of the armament -contractors. A war without loss of ships is no use to them.” - -And suddenly George burst into tears, because he had thought of all -the men on board, and was overcome with the futility of it all and the -feeling that he was partially to blame for having been born on his -island. - - -XVI: NATIONAL - -The Fattish are an emotional race. They had overcome the Fatters, and -the only outstanding hero of that war was George. They insisted on -seeing George. They clamoured for him. They sent a cruiser to fetch him -from Cecilia, and the commander of that cruiser was none other than -Mr. Bich, who had won promotion. - -His astonishment was no less great than George’s, but his adventures -were less interesting. After the destruction of the ship he had been -saved by a turtle which had been attracted by his brass buttons and had -allowed him to ride on his back so long as they lasted. He had had to -give it one every twenty minutes, and had just come to his last when -he was seen and rescued. He had thought himself the only survivor, and -when he heard that Arabella also had been delivered from the waves -there came into his eye a gleam which George did not like. - -The voyage was quite monotonously uneventful and George was glad when -they reached Fatland. The Mayor, Corporation, and Citizens, also dogs -and children, of the port at which he landed, turned out to meet him; -he was given the freedom of the borough, and a banquet, and at both -ceremony and meal he was photographed. - -In Bondon he was given five public meals in two days. He was so -bewildered by the number of people who thronged round him that he -left all arrangements in Siebenhaar’s hands, and Siebenhaar liked the -banquets. - -He was received by the Emperor-King and decorated, and the -Empress-Queen said: “How do you do, Mr. Samways?” - -He was followed everywhere by enormous crowds, and outside his lodgings -there were always ten policemen to clear a way for the traffic. His -romantic history had put a polish on his fame: the motherless and -fatherless orphan, all those years alone upon an island; no woman in -Fatland old or young, rich or poor, but yearned to be a mother to him -and make up to him for all those years. And then the wonderful story -of his acceptance of the Fattish religion, his reception on those -golden sands into the church at the hands of the good Bishop of Bygn, -after the appalling disaster to the _Oyster_. All was known, and the -emotional Fattish found it irresistibly moving. George in all innocence -created a religious revival such as had never been known. The theatres, -music-halls, picture palaces were deserted: no crowds attended the -football matches or the race-meetings, and when the newspapers had -exhausted the Story of George Samways their circulation dropped to next -to nothing. The situation for certain trades looked black indeed. - -But of all of this George recked nothing. His one thought was for -Arabella. - - -XVII: REUNION - -Siebenhaar took a malicious delight in the ruin of the newspaper trade, -and pledged George to attend a mammoth church meeting in Bondon’s -greatest hall of assembly. There were forty bishops on the platform, -and a Duke presided. George entered. There were tears, cheers, sobs, -sighs, groans, conversions; and hundreds suddenly became conscious of -salvation, swooned away and were carried out. - -The Duke spoke for fifty minutes. Mr. Samways (he said) would now tell -the story of his--er--er--“Have I got to say something?” said George to -Siebenhaar. - -“Tell them,” said Siebenhaar, “to look after the stomach and the rest -will look out for itself.” - -George advanced toward the front of the platform and beamed out upon -the eager audience. - -Arabella let a pin drop and it could be heard all over the hall. - -It _was_ Arabella! For a moment George could not believe his eyes. It -was she! He leaped down from the platform, took her in his arms and -covered her with kisses. - -So strong was the hypnotic power of his fame that there was no male in -that huge audience but followed his example, no female, old or young, -rich or poor, but yielded to it. In vain did the bishops protest and -quote from the marriage service of the Fattish Church; in vain did they -go among the audience and earnestly implore the individual members -of it to desist. They replied that George Samways had revealed a new -religion and that they liked it. - -And above the tumult rose the voice of Siebenhaar saying: ---- But what -he said is unprintable. - - -XVIII: BETROTHAL - -How he escaped from the pandemonium George never knew, but his first -clear recollection after it was of being borne swiftly through the -streets of Bondon with Arabella in his arms, she weeping and telling -him of the hard and vile usage she had been put to on the Fatter ship, -for the Admiral was a horrid man. She told him how she had at last been -taken to the Fatterland and there, by her father’s influence--(for -her father also had been marvelously delivered from an untimely -end)--released and sent, first-class at the expense of the Fatter -Government, home to Fatland, and how she had there resumed her old -life of district visiting and tea parties and diocesan conferences and -rescuing white slaves and had been content in it until she had seen -him, when all her old love had sprung once more into flame and she -would never, never desert him more. George wept also and protested that -he would never leave her side. - -She took him to her home, and her father, who had been prevented by -indisposition from attending the meeting, blessed him and made him -welcome. - -It was very late and George drew Arabella to his side and said he would -send for his things. - -“Things!” said the Bishop. - -“We love each other,” replied George. - -“Do you propose to marry this man?” asked the Bishop. - -Arabella blushed and explained to George that he must go away until -they were married, and the Bishop revealed the meaning of the word. - -“But why?” asked George. - -“It is so ordained,” said the Bishop, and George was exasperated. - -“I love Arabella,” he cried. “What more do you want? And what on earth -has it got to do with you or anybody else? I love Arabella, and my love -has survived shipwreck, starvation, explosion, battle, murder, and the -public festivities of Fatland....” - -With extraordinary cynicism the Bishop replied: - -“That may be. But it is doubtful if it will survive marriage; therefore -marriage is necessary.” - -This illogical argument silenced George. The Bishop finally gave his -consent and the marriage was arranged to take place in a month’s time, -and the announcement of the betrothal was sent to the only remaining -morning newspaper. - - -XIX: REACTION - -There were great rejoicings when peace between Fatland and Fatterland -was signed and ratified, and the day was set apart for an imposing -ceremony at the Colonial Office, when George’s island was to be -solemnly incorporated in the Empire. - -In a little room high up in the huge offices Field-Marshals, Admirals, -and Cabinet Ministers foregathered. The State Map of the World was -produced and the island was marked on it, and George with his own hand -was to have the privilege of underlining its name in red ink. It was -an awful moment. George dipped his pen in the ink--(it was the first -time he had ever held a pen in his hand and he had to be instructed in -its use); he dipped his pen in the ink, held it poised above the map, -when the door opened and a white-faced clerk rushed in with a sheet of -paper as white as his face. This he gave to the Colonial Secretary, who -collapsed. The Lord High Flunkey took the paper and said: - -“Good God!” - -George dropped the pen and made a red blot on the State Map of the -World. - -The Lord High Flunkey pulled himself together and said: - -“My Lords and Gentlemen, the South Seas Squadron commissioned to annex -the new island reports that it has moved on and cannot be found.” - -“This is a serious matter, Mr. Samways,” said the senior Admiral. - -“I’m awfully sorry,” answered George, and he walked out of the room. - -It had been arranged that when George underlined the name of his island -on the map, the national flag should be run up on the offices so that -the expectant crowd should know that the Empire had been enlarged and -the war justified. There was an appalling silence as George left the -building. He slipped into the crowd before he was recognized and before -the awful news had spread. - -There was a groan, a hoot, a yell, and the crowd stormed and raved. -Stones flew, and soon there was not a window in that office left -unbroken. - -The Government resigned, and with its fall fell George Samways. He was -not the object of any active hostility. He was simply ignored. It was -as though he had never been. When he called at the Bishop’s house to -see Arabella, the footman stared through him and said the Bishop would -be obliged if he would write. George took the fellow by the scruff of -the neck and laid him on the floor. Then he ran upstairs to Arabella’s -room. - -“You!” she said. - -“Yes. I love you.” - -“We can’t be married now.” - -“No. We needn’t wait now. You’re coming with me.” - -He assisted her to pack a small handbag, and with that they set forth. - -At George’s lodgings they found Siebenhaar in argument with the master -of the ship, who had delivered them and had now come to Bondon to claim -his reward. He had sailed from Cecilia in his own ship, which was even -now at the docks. - -“We will sail in her,” said George, “and we will find my island.” - -“Find the island? The whole navy’s looking for it!” - -“It will come to me,” said George. - -And Siebenhaar embraced Arabella and congratulated her on having taken -his advice. - - -XX: HOME - -They had a pleasant voyage, saw the sea-serpent twice, and when they -came to the South Seas every night George sang those strange melodious -chants that he had made out of _Tittiker_. One night when they had been -at sea nigh eight months up and down the Southern Seas and almost into -the Antarctic, George fell into a kind of swoon and said: - -“She is coming, she is coming, my mother, my land.” - -And Arabella, fearing for his reason, implored Siebenhaar to distract -him with talk, and the master of the ship to make for the nearest port. -But George silenced Siebenhaar, and in an unearthly voice he crooned: - - “Cathoire Mor, or the Great--had thirty sons. - - Conn Ceadchadhach, called the Hero of the Hundred Battles--slain. - - Conaire--killed. - - Art-Aonfhir, the Melancholy--slain in battle. - - Lughaidh, surnamed MacConn--thrust through the eye with a spear in a - conspiracy. - - Feargus, surnamed Black-teeth--murdered at the instigation of his - successor. - - Cormac-Ulfhada--‘A Prince of the most excellent wisdom, and kept the - most splendid court that ever was in Bareland’; choked by the bone of - a fish at supper....” - -Near dawn he rose to his feet and stood with outstretched arms, -yelling at the top of his voice: - - “Connor, or Conchabhar--‘died of grief, being unable to redress the - misfortunes of his country.’ - - Niall-Caillie--drowned in the river Caillie. - - Turgesius--‘expelled the Barish historians, and burnt their books’; - thrown into a lough and drowned....” - -And Siebenhaar lifted up his eyes in wonder, for there was such a note -of triumph in George’s voice. - -The sun was casting up his first rosy glow upon the sky, and against -it, dark blue, almost purple, stood a tall hill that grew. There was -little wind, but the ship sped forward. - -“My beloved! My island!” cried George, and Arabella fell upon his neck. - -As the sun rose above the horizon they slipped ashore upon the yellow -sands, and George’s palm tree bowed to them and they four, George, -Arabella, Siebenhaar and the master of the ship, joined hands and -danced together. - -Then George took Arabella to the little cabin and he said: - -“The house I built for you.” - -But Siebenhaar said: - -“I am devilish hungry.” - - - - -Ultimus - - -I: THE SON OF HIS FATHER - -Though her love for George never faded, Arabella could not take kindly -to life on the island. She bore herself cheerfully until she was with -child, and then, when she began to plan careers for her son, she was -oppressed by the absence of opportunity which that life could afford. -She told herself that when she was dead and Siebenhaar was dead and -George was dead the boy would be left alone with the Captain, who was -only a common man. She had another two months to go when the Captain -disappeared one night with his ship and a cargo of rubies and emeralds. -The blow was too much for her: the only means of communication with the -world of Bishops and white slaves was gone; she sank into a profound -melancholy: the boy was born before his time; and she died. - -George flung himself on the sands and wept and swore he would call the -boy Judas, because he had betrayed him. However, Siebenhaar protested, -saying that, as the boy could not be christened, it was not right to -give him a Biblical name. He said that he personally should call him -Ultimus as he bade fair to be the last of his line, unless, as had -happened before, the island should insist on its population being -continued. For that was how, after much cogitation, the philosopher had -come to explain the previous strange adventure. George was indifferent, -but from hearing Siebenhaar call the boy Ultimus he also adopted the -name, not knowing its sad significance. Bearing deeply imprinted in his -soul the marks of his unhappy contact with the world, George forbade -all mention of it in his son’s presence. Never was he to know of the -hateful race who inhabited Fatland, and of the indomitable Fatters -whose admiral had so shamefully treated his mother. However, Siebenhaar -used to talk in his sleep, and he often slept in the middle of the day. -When he was six years old little Ultimus came to his father and said: - -“What is God? What is an engine? Is the world round? What is a mother? -Who is Siebenhaar’s father? What is a professor? Why does Siebenhaar -talk in two ways? If you helped me to be born why can’t I help some one -else? Is a Bishop a kind of man? Did I kill my mother, and how did I -do it if I never saw her? Is this your island? What is an island? Are -there other sorts of land? Are the stars land? Is the moon land? Is the -sun land? If you are my father, why isn’t Siebenhaar some one’s father? -Are all big men fathers? How do they do it? There are two kinds of -goats, why aren’t there two kinds of men? If there are she-goats, why -aren’t there she-men? What is a ship? Siebenhaar is always talking -about ships. What is money? Are you a King? There is a King in Fatland. -When is a father grand?...” - -George gave one despairing look at his son. He groaned: - -“Arabella, my love, my love.” - -Then he walked out into the sea and disappeared. A few hours later his -body was washed up on the shore, and Siebenhaar had to explain to the -boy that his father was dead. Ultimus said: - -“He walked out into the sea.” - -“To such peace,” replied Siebenhaar solemnly, “do we all come.” - - -II: QUESTIONS - -If the boy’s questions were fatal to his father they were a delight -to Siebenhaar, who had no further scruple about giving instruction, -for, in the hardship and solitude which had been his fate since his -encounter with George, his philosophy had matured and he saw that the -remaining years of his life might be spent in the instruction and -preparation of a disciple. - -They would sit for hours together on the sands drawing maps and -diagrams for illustration. Siebenhaar had no knowledge which he -did not communicate to Ultimus, who by the time he was seventeen -was a master of mathematics, German philosophy, the rudiments of -physics, chemistry, geology, physiology, biology, psychology, botany, -meteorology, astronomy. They made wind and stringed instruments and -played duets composed of what Siebenhaar could remember of Beethoven. -The boy was a good sculptor and painter, a carpenter, a cabinet-maker, -a mason, a cook, an engineer, a weaver, a tailor, a cobbler. He could -read and write five languages, was familiar with the geography of the -whole world, and knew the situations of the best brothels in all the -first-class ports. When he began to have needs which there was no means -of satisfying, Siebenhaar explained them to him: - -“You are now reaching that state of man which reveals the futility of -all knowledge, since you are awakened to desires which no knowledge can -satisfy. Rest assured that in the world your case would be no better, -but rather would be aggravated by opportunity and failure. You are, at -any rate, spared the tragedy of your father whose love destroyed the -object of his desire and reduced him to a morbid condition in which -your healthy wish for knowledge was more than he could bear. It is -right to wish for knowledge, because only through that can we recognise -our ignorance, and see the humour of our position. If you can see that -you can be happy and glad that you have lived.” - -Poor Ultimus tried hard to do so, but he often retired from their -conversations to weep, and Siebenhaar would find him sitting in the -water consoling himself with music. The unhappy youth became a prey to -boredom and wearied of the arts and sciences and discussions with which -they filled the day. They had long ago arrived at the conclusion that -there was no God, no ascertainable purpose in the universe, and nothing -in life but the fun or nuisance of living. He became romantic and -plagued Siebenhaar for stories, love-stories, bawdy experiences, the -tale of his meeting with George, and the deathless fable of the love of -George and Arabella. From that he came to delight in the idea of war, -and Siebenhaar explained to him how wars came about: how in the first -place men were obsessed by superstitions about God, each community -believing itself to be specially favoured and inspired by the unseen -powers, and ignoring all the evidence to the contrary, as poverty, -disease, corruption, bad art, inefficiency, and domestic unhappiness. -As a consequence each community was jealous of every other, and -supported its claims to moral superiority and divine favour with a -great show of force, of armed ships on the sea and trained men on the -land. - -To illustrate his remarks Siebenhaar concocted explosives and Ultimus -found such great amusement in them and was so busy destroying the -houses he had built, the statues he had made, the engines he had -contrived, that the philosopher was forced to change his theory of war -and to see that it has its roots in boredom. - -Thereafter Ultimus was alternately busy with the arts and sciences and -with destroying all his works when he was bored with them and could not -help recognising their futility. As his explosives upset Siebenhaar’s -nerves and the tranquillity he required for his contemplation, they -made an arrangement that Ultimus should give notice of his destructive -intentions when he felt them coming on. Then Siebenhaar would retire to -the other side of the island and leave him to it. - -The boy made a careful study of explosives and experimented with them -until he could send huge palm trees hundreds of feet into the air. It -became his ambition to blow up the mountain. He made several attempts, -but could not succeed. He blew great holes in it and discovered mines -of gold and diamonds and platinum and various new earths which, when -mixed with his explosive, increased its power. But the mountain -seemed to be capable of absorbing any shock. He had just given up his -experiments in despair when Siebenhaar came rushing over in a great -state of excitement to say that the island had moved a degree and a -half. - -The two men looked at each other incredulously, not daring to believe -in what was thumping in both their minds. They prepared a new charge, -took their bearings, exploded it, and found that they were moving at -the rate of twenty-three knots an hour, N.N.W. The next charge they -placed so that the island moved W.N.W. - -They could then navigate and go whither they pleased. They embraced, -danced, killed a goat, and drank heavily to celebrate their triumph. - - -III: CIVILISATION - -The north point of the island was a rocky headland, a precipice -hundreds of feet above the sea-level. Beyond it jutted three jagged -rocks. One morning Siebenhaar found on one of these rocks the hull of -a vessel, and when he looked closer he saw a man sitting disconsolate -upon it. He fetched Ultimus, who threw stones to attract the man’s -attention. It was impossible to make him hear. They gesticulated to -tell him to swim to his right, and at last he caught their meaning, -stripped and plunged into the sea. They had already stopped the island, -which was now making only a gentle way, so that there was no danger of -his being run down. - -By the time they reached the shore the man was already sitting on the -sands drying himself and eating a cocoa-nut. He was above middle age, -and had a little fat belly and long thin legs. Siebenhaar addressed him -in Fattish, and the man said he was a Rear-Admiral in the Fattish Navy -and would like to know what in hell they meant by ruining his battle in -which he had got the Fatters fairly on the run. - -“Battle?” said Siebenhaar. - -“Yes. Four cruisers, six destroyers, and torpedo craft. All gone on the -rocks. The most amazing thing in all my long experience. Not a sign of -a rock on the chart. You must have got the Fatters first, for their -firing suddenly ceased. Who are you? What are you?” - -Siebenhaar told him it was Samways Island. - -The man’s jaw dropped. - -“I spent the best part of three years after that,” he said. “I -originally annexed it for the Empire.” - -“Not,” cried Siebenhaar. “_Not_ Mr. Bich?” - -“Bich is my name.” - -Siebenhaar disclosed his identity and Rear-Admiral Bich covered his -amazement and emotion with a volley of expletives. He asked after -George, and when he was told that both he and Arabella were dead he -could not check his tears. - -He shook Ultimus warmly by the hand and said he was the very spit of -his father, with a strong look of his mother. Then he added: “I must -not forget my duty as an officer, and, as a matter of form, I claim the -island once more for the Empire.” - -“If you do,” said Ultimus quietly, “I shall blow you in pieces. I know -how the Fattish Empire treated my father, and, but for your kindly -thoughts of my mother, I would send you to join the ships which I am -only too happy to have destroyed if such a disaster can cause any -genuine commotion in Bondon. I will further caution you to be careful -what you say, as I am unaccustomed to society other than that of the -wise Siebenhaar, and already feel my soul filled with dislike and -contempt for you. This island is my island by inheritance, it is moving -by my will and I shall allow you to stay on it just as long as you are -useful to me.” - -Rear-Admiral Bich saw the strength of Ultimus’ position and was silent -until Siebenhaar asked him for news of civilisation, when he expressed -surprise that they had not heard of the war. - -“War?” said Siebenhaar. “Are they still at that game? Why, we were told -that the Fattero-Fattish war was to be the last.” - -“That,” replied the Admiral, “was a mere skirmish. There are six or -seven nations at war with Fatterland.” - -“Alas! my poor country!” cried the philosopher. “I knew how it would -be. Their infernal greed and conceit, their confusion of mind, their -slothfulness, their desire for discipline, their liking for monuments -and display, their want of tact, all these defects needed but success -for them to grow into active vice and plunge them into disaster. To -any nation a period of successful peace is fatal. The employment of -commercial cunning unredeemed by any other exercise of the mind is, -after a time, unutterably boring, and the most obvious relief from it -is found in the ideal of a nation in arms. Now that is a barren ideal. -To train men for so stupid and brutal a trade as the soldier’s is to -increase the already excessive amount of stupidity and brutality in the -world. To maintain large bodies of stupid and brutal men in arms is in -the end to be forced to find an excuse for using them. Human nature, -I fear, is incurably pugnacious and destructive. I have had to amend -many of my more optimistic opinions concerning the human race since I -have had the privilege of watching the development of our young friend -yonder. He is normal, healthy and intelligent, and acquainted with all -the resources of civilisation, physical and mental. There is hardly a -practical discovery of modern science that I have not placed at his -disposal for his use and amusement, but these do not satisfy him. He -is not exposed to the nervous pressure to which in our crowded modern -states I used to ascribe outbreaks of hostility. No. In the absence of -an enemy he must declare war upon his own handiwork, upon the elements, -upon the very earth itself.” - -“Before you go any further,” said the Rear-Admiral, “I should like -something to eat, and I should like to explain that on our side in the -war is the right. The Fatters have behaved like savages. They have -burned cities, murdered old men and children, raped women and committed -every outrage.” - -“I have seen something of warfare myself,” said Siebenhaar. “It is -a bestial occupation. When a man has become accustomed to slaughter -by license, what is there to make him stop at minor offences such as -theft, rape, and wounding? Soldiers who are unchaste in peace do not -become chaste when war is declared. In a friendly country the women -consent. In a hostile country some of them protest, generally because -they are panic-stricken and in terror of worse happening to them.” - -“This war,” said the Rear-Admiral, “is holy.” - -“I am a Fatter,” replied Siebenhaar, “and the Fatters have been taught -for generations that all war is holy and sanctifies all that is done in -its name.” - -“We,” said the Fattishman, “fight like gentlemen.” - -“And,” retorted the philosopher, “like gentlemen you burn and rape and -pillage.” - -“Your conversation,” said Ultimus, “has interested me extremely. I am -filled with a burning desire to see civilisation, war, soldiers, and, -above all, women. We will go to the centre of civilisation, and if I do -not like it I shall blow it in pieces.” - -“Two can play at that game,” said Bich. “We have explosives too.” - -For answer, Ultimus reached out and pressed two wires together. There -was a rumble, a crash, a thud, and hundreds of tons of rock were torn -away from the side of the mountain and hurled into the air to fall, -miles away, into the sea. - - -IV: WAR AND WOMEN - -As a sailor, Charles Bich, though middle-aged, liked nothing better -than to talk about women. He was sentimental about them, but at the -same time sensually appreciative of their beauty. To such an extent did -he inflame the young man’s imagination that Siebenhaar had to protest. - -“It is a shame,” he cried, “that the son of such a father should be -polluted with the obsessions of civilised men.” - -With the air of leaving no more to be said, Ultimus remarked: - -“I like them.” - -“So do all unintelligent men,” replied Siebenhaar, “and they are driven -mad by them and hope against hope for the day when all restraint will -be removed. This is another potent factor in the production of war. -Women are not to the same degree subject to these terrible obsessions, -but they do regret their limited opportunities in the organised society -of peace. Further, in times of war they like to think that men are -fighting for them, and they love to be regaled with stories of violence -and outrage, especially those who have been entirely chaste, and have -no hope of anything else.” - -The Rear-Admiral blushed. - -“When we fight,” he said, “we fight for our country, our King, our -Empire, for the all-red map of the world.” - -“These,” replied Siebenhaar, “are words. Country, King, Empire, are -protective ideas. What you love and what you defend is your mode of -living, which you have adopted partly because you have a prejudice in -favour of it, partly because you like it better than any other you -can conceive. Your living consists in eating, drinking, consorting -with women, and rearing any family you may produce. Everything else -is introduced merely to disguise any unpleasantness there may be in -the exercise of those functions. For the most part they are lies, -illusions, hallucinations, obsessions, which you find convenient to -cloak your unimportance. As a naval officer you justify the absurd -occupation by which you procure your livelihood. My young friend here -is under no such painful necessity and I wish him to be spared all -mental confusion.” - -“Personally,” interrupted Ultimus, “I do not wish to be influenced by -either of you. You, sir,” addressing Siebenhaar, “have given me all -the knowledge and wisdom you have stored up in your adventurous life, -and you, sir, have out of your life of duty, given me a new interest -in the two things, war and women, which have hitherto been denied me. -I am much obliged to you, and, if you don’t mind we will continue the -erection of the wireless installation we began yesterday, because I am -anxious to establish communication with the world as soon as possible.” - -Ultimus and Bich retired to the top of the mountain leaving Siebenhaar -sadly tracing on the sands a rough caricature of a woman. So horrible -was it to him that he could not finish it and obliterated it with his -foot. - - -V: WIRELESS - -Every day brought messages from the world. The Fattish had made -a glorious retreat of sixty miles. The Waltzians were offering a -glorious resistance to the Grossians. With the help of God the Fatters -had gloriously evacuated their trenches on the west, and heroically -withdrawn from a river on the east. With assistance from above the -Fattish navy had swept the Fatter flag from the seven seas. The -Bilgians had been nobly extinguished, though their flag was still -flying and their King ruled over a flooded country. Hundreds of -thousands of men were killed, wounded, and lost. From country to -country General congratulated General, Admirals sent their applause to -Field-Marshals, Statesmen exchanged bravos, and monarchs thanked each -other and God for timely assistance. - -Rear-Admiral Bich said: “Isn’t it glorious--glorious?” - -“At present,” replied Ultimus, “I am so confused that I can make -nothing of it. Why are they all so pleased with themselves? Do they -like to think of thousands of men dying?” - -“They have died for their country. They are heroes.” - -“I don’t see that. I cannot imagine myself going out of my way to die -for my island, and Fatland is also an island.” - -“Ah!” said the Rear-Admiral. “But there are no women on your island, no -little ones, no homes.” - -“There is Siebenhaar who has been father and mother to me, master and -instructor.” - -“Well! Suppose you saw men designing to murder Siebenhaar, would you -not raise a hand to defend him?” - -“Not if I saw there was not the remotest chance of saving him. But that -is nonsense. No one would want to murder Siebenhaar.” - -“I don’t know about that. There are times when he is so exasperating -that I hardly dare answer for myself.” - -“That is absurd,” replied Ultimus. “You know that I should destroy you -at once if you did anything to Siebenhaar. The case might be different -if you were in such a position that there would be consequences. But -why deal with hypothesis when you are confronted with facts?” - -The simple sailor was no hand at an argument, and just at that moment -there came the news of the loss of a Fattish fleet after an encounter -with the Fatters, with an account of the heroic death of the Commander, -Rear-Admiral Sir Charles Bich. - -Unfortunately the island was not yet in a position to transmit messages -and the unhappy Bich had to rest inactive, crushed with the burden of -the news of his own death and his inability to contradict it. - -“You see,” said Ultimus, “you _have_ died for your country, you are a -hero, and you do not like it at all.” - - -VI: BICH IS OBSTINATE - -The point was argued for many days. Bich would not withdraw from his -assertion that it was glorious to die for his country, but at the same -time he could not disguise his distress at having done so. - -“If I had died,” he said, “it would have been glorious.” - -“Only in the eyes of your countrymen,” said Siebenhaar. “You already -have that, and if you had died you would not have known anything about -it.” - -“There is a heaven above,” cried Bich. - -“Which you could never have entered. Has not Heaven enjoined you not to -kill and not to resist evil?” - -“In the service of my country!” - -“What does heaven know of your country? Heaven is eternal. Its laws are -for eternity. Your country, your Empire are mere temporary arrangements -for the convenience of a few millions of men and women who wish to -profit by the labours of people less fortunate than themselves. You are -therefore contending that it is glorious to die for a man’s material -advantage, or, in other words, for political and financial vested -interests.” - -“I am prepared at any moment to die for my country.” - -“You _have_ died.” - -“I have not.” - -“You have died and been given the glory attaching to such death.” - -“That is what I cannot bear.” - -“Then,” said Ultimus, “I will give you a root which will procure you -a perfectly painless death. I see that you do not mind dying for your -country so long as you do not know about it.” - -“And that,” put in Siebenhaar, “is where he is consistent. He is like -all the men of his time and condition; he does not mind living, in -fact he quite likes it, so long as he knows nothing about it and is -not called upon to realise what he is doing. When he is faced with the -consequences of such insensibility he is so appalled that he welcomes -the idea of death, if he can find some excuse for it. Therefore he -has invented a myth called his country and proposes to die for that. -According to his prejudices it is cowardly to draw a fire-arm upon -himself, but it is right and brave to place himself in the line of -some one else’s fire. Such a condition of imbecility is extremely -infectious. It sweeps through crowds of men like a disease through -cattle. But, as men are indomitably hopeful, they do not destroy each -other, as you, Ultimus, might suppose. No, they wait until they can -discover another crowd of men in the same lamentable condition, and -fall upon them in the hope of a victory which shall restore their -self-conceit and once more blind them to the appalling consequences of -their own ill-doing. And here, at last, we do touch upon one of the -prime causes of war. Superficially it looks as though the immediate -cause was this, that the governors of States make such a mess of the -affairs with which they are entrusted and reduce their people to so -lamentable a condition that they must seek war as an outlet, and to -give the male populace as soldiers the food which they have made it -impossible for them to earn as workers. There is also the consideration -that a large proportion of the male populace will be removed from all -possibility of making trouble. That is an interesting but a superficial -view which attaches more blame to the rich than they deserve. No. A -more profound analysis gives us the result I have previously indicated, -that wars are invariably due to moral epidemics. And, since the human -race will always be subject to them, there will always be war.” - -Ultimus had withdrawn at the beginning of the discussion. Having no -knowledge of men in herds, he could not follow the line of Siebenhaar’s -argument. He returned now to say that he had obliterated another -battle. On this the Rear-Admiral was excited and wished to know what -ships he had seen and what flag they were flying. - -“I do not know,” replied Ultimus, “but there were nine ships attacking -three and that struck me as so unfair that I decided to make an end of -it.” - -“But they may have been Fattish ships! Have you no regard for human -life?” - -Said Ultimus: - -“There was no sign of anything human. They looked like flies on the -water. When I see three scorpions attacking a smaller insect I always -kill the scorpions for their cowardice and the insect for having called -down their anger upon itself.” - -Rear-Admiral Bich drew himself up to his full height and said: - -“As a Christian I protest. As an officer and a gentleman I must ask you -to put me ashore at the first opportunity. They may be Fattish ships -which you have destroyed. My King and country need me.” - -“Come, come,” interposed Siebenhaar, “your King and country are -probably doing very well without you. They have an immense geographical -advantage which only the blind jealousy of the Fatters makes it -impossible for them to admit. You are already a hero; poems have in -all probability been written to your memory. You had better stay with -us. It will be much more amusing to see what effect Ultimus has on -civilisation than to plunge back into the fever which has seized it.” - -The Rear-Admiral looked scornful and very proud and said: - -“Herr Siebenhaar, on our previous acquaintance only the protection -of the late heroic Mr. Samways prevented me from denouncing you as a -Fatter spy. I have not forgotten.” - -“What,” asked Ultimus, “is a spy?” - -“Spies,” replied Siebenhaar, “are corrupt and useless people who are -sent out to frighten a hostile nation by making them think that the -enemy knows more about them than they do themselves. They are only used -when the desire for war is very strong. They exercise a paralysing -effect upon the civil population and deliver them up to the guidance of -their own military authorities. They are like microbes which carry the -war fever from one country to another. I regret that Sir Charles should -have so small an opinion of my intelligence as to think that my country -would make so trivial a use of me.” - -“I can’t stand all this talk,” muttered the Rear-Admiral, and he went -away and all night long paced up and down the sands on the other side -of the island, imagining that he was once more serving his King and -country on his own quarter-deck. - - -VII: PLANS - -In secret the indomitable servant of his country made himself a boat, -a coracle of palm branches and mud, and when, a week later, they came -in sight of land and Ultimus put in close to have a good look at it and -the little white city built by the mouth of a river, he put off in it -without so much as saying good-bye or thank you for the hospitality he -had received. - -“He will come back,” said Siebenhaar; “he will come and try to annex -the island. No Fattish officer can resist an island and the Fattish -have been known to waste thousands of lives in order to add a bare rock -or a pestilential swamp to their Empire. It is an amiable lunacy which -my unhappy race, who cannot appreciate their geographical disadvantage, -are trying to emulate. What is the news of the war to-day?” - -“The official reports all agree in saying that there is no further -development. Every capable man in every country is now bearing arms. -All other activity is at a standstill. Stern measures have had to be -taken by the various governments to stop the emigration of pregnant -women to the peaceful countries on the other side of the world.” - -“Ah!” said Siebenhaar, “I thought that would happen, I thought the -women would revolt as soon as war ceased to be an excitement and -became a trade.” - -“Some of the Governments,” added Ultimus, “are paying women over -forty-five years of age to go.” - -Siebenhaar chuckled. - -“It is time we interfered, Ultimus. When they lose their sense of -humour so far as that, it is time for action. We will go to Fatland. -Where are we now?” - -“Off the coast of Africa.” - -“We will lie out to sea until we have prepared the island against all -dangers. First of all we will blow up the harbour. Then we will mine -the shores all round. We will prepare the rocks on the tops of the -mountains for missiles and we will lay in a great stock of your new -transmissible explosive. We will then block the mouth of the great -Fattish river, and we shall see what we shall see. An intelligent use -of explosives should be able to counteract and if necessary to crush -the fatuous use of them that is now being made. We will try persuasion, -threats, and violence in that order to stop the war, and if then we -cannot succeed we will abandon the human race altogether and return to -our own Southern Seas.” - -“You forget,” expostulated Ultimus, “that I was drawn here out of -curiosity as to something else besides the war, and that is, woman.” - -“A man,” said Siebenhaar, “bears a grudge against woman for his birth; -he is a fool to burden himself with others against her.” - -“As I imagine them,” replied the young man wistfully, “they are -beautiful.” - -“Lord, Lord,” cried Siebenhaar, “if only a young man would be content -with his imaginings.” - - -VIII: IN FATTISH WATERS - -The island moved proudly up the Fattish channel, until they came within -sight of the land on either side of it. Here was drawn up a great array -of ships like those which had been destroyed in the Southern Seas. On -the foremost of the ships were hoisted a number of little flags which -Siebenhaar interpreted as saying: - -“Good morning. Welcome home.” - -Now, the fragmentary message recorded by the wireless gave the clue to -the purport of this signal. There had been a great rally of the Fattish -Empire, one colony had sent sacks of flour, another black currants, -another black men, another brown sugar; all came to the aid of the -motherland in her need, all forgot their grievances and vowed that they -never would be slaves. In the face of such a demonstration no doubt as -to whether the Fattish empire really existed could survive. Men who -would not admit black, brown, or yellow men to their clubs welcomed -them to their trenches. Such unity, such loyalty, such brotherhood, -must lead to victory. But victory was slow in coming and it was -becoming difficult to maintain interest in the war, when, suddenly, -there burst upon the Fattish public the news that the lost island was -responding to the call and even now coming to place its unique powers -of motion at the service of the Emperor-King. The miraculous had -happened. Once more it was obvious that the right was on the Fattish -side. Once more the streets of Bondon were thronged as on the eve of -the declaration of war. The map of the world with the red blot made -by George Samways was taken down and copies of it were sold for the -Imperial relief fund. It was supposed that George Samways, the only -hero of the last war, was on the island and had induced it to return to -the fold. His downfall was forgotten, his heroism remembered. - -Ultimus stopped the island and entered into communication by wireless -with the Fattish fleet. - -“Is that Samways Island?” - -“Yes.” - -“Is George Samways aboard?” - -“No. His son and his friend, Siebenhaar.” - -“What nationality is Siebenhaar?” - -“Fatter.” - -“He must be taken prisoner.” - -“Nonsense. He is an ex-engineer, now a philosopher.” - -“Fatter philosophers are writing the most scurrilous abuse of the -Fattish.” - -“Siebenhaar has been for the last twenty years on the island.” - -“Tell him to change his name before landing, or he will have to -register.” - -“We have no intention of landing.” - -“We did not get your last message correctly.” - -“We have no intention of landing.” - -“Don’t understand. May we send a deputation?” - -Ultimus replied: - -“I will receive one Cabinet Minister and the most beautiful woman in -Fatland. I shall be in the mouth of the river by two o’clock. You -had better move your ships and be very careful of the backwash. I -understand that the shores of the channel are strewn with wrecks.” - -Frantic messages then passed between the ships and the Admiralty in -Bondon. It would be extremely awkward to have the island in the river, -blocking the channels to the port, but the public were thinking of -nothing but the island, and, in default of George Samways, were quite -prepared to take his son to be their darling. There must not be a -hint anywhere of the possibility of the island’s being, after all, -disloyal. The Fattish had been very reticent about their relations with -God, whereas the Fatters had claimed him as their ally. The Fattish -had been favored with miracles, even as the Children of Israel. It was -decided to retain the miracle in the face of all risks and Mr. Samways -was promised that a Cabinet Minister accompanied by the most beautiful -woman in Fatland should call at four o’clock on the following day. - -The fleet turned and steamed away out of sight. - - -IX: AN AFTERNOON CALL - -The acknowledged most beautiful woman in Fatland was none other than -Arabella’s sister. She was fifty-three, but had managed to preserve -her reputation by the discreet publication of her connection with -illustrious men. She had one rival for the honour of the visit to the -island, a lovely creature, a brilliant singer of popular ballads, who, -during the crisis, had carried all before her and swept hundreds of -young men into the army with her famous ditty: “Won’t I kiss you when -you come back home?” However, her claims were disposed of by Arabella’s -sister astutely pointing out that she was the aunt of the young man -on the island, and therefore, if necessary, could be alone with him in -perfect propriety. - -In a motor launch she came out with the Lord High Chief of the -Admiralty in full-dress uniform. - -No sooner did she set eyes on Ultimus than she burst into tears and -cried that he was the living image of Arabella. She kissed him and he -drew back outraged and cried: - -“Don’t do that again.” - -Siebenhaar explained: - -“Your nephew, madam, has never seen a woman before and is naturally -alarmed. Your voice must sound strangely to his ears and your costume, -if you will forgive me, leaves room for considerable doubt as to the -normality of your anatomy. I think it would be as well if you made no -attempt to reassure him, but allowed him to look at you and to grow -accustomed to you while I engage your companion in conversation.” - -With that he turned to the Lord High Chief and said: - -“You can imagine that I am astounded to return after a long absence to -find civilisation plunged once more in the barbarism of war. Surely no -single one of the combatants has anything to gain by it.” - -“The war, sir, was not of our seeking.” - -“But you were prepared for it?” - -“By God we were. I had seen to that.” - -“Then you were prepared to join issue in any quarrel that might be -sought?” - -“We pledged our word to the Grossians and the Bilgians. Besides, -sir, apart from all that, the Fatters are jealous of our Empire, and -they have deliberately plotted for years to oust us commercially and -politically. They want us wiped off the map. But when it comes to -wiping----” - -“Does it ever come to that?” asked Siebenhaar. “Is Athens dead while -Plato lives? Is Rome forgotten while Virgil and Lucretius live in the -minds of men? Was there ever more in Spain than lives in Cervantes?” - -“I don’t know about that,” said the Lord High Chief; “but the Fatters -want to dominate the world.” - -“So did Alexander: so did Napoleon: but they wrought their own ruin.” - -“This is too deep for me,” replied the politician. “I want something -that the newspapers can get hold of. I want to know what you are up -to, how you found the island, how it came to move again, and, if it -isn’t a miracle of loyalty, what is it? Also I want to know what your -intentions are, because if you are not here to support us we shall have -to place you both under arrest,--er--that is, after you have moved the -island out of harm’s way.” - -Ultimus took Siebenhaar aside and said: “I want to go away. I have -been looking at the woman, and I think she is horrible.” - - -X: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN - -The Lord High Chief towards the end of the interview adopted a -peremptory tone and ordered the island to be taken through the enemy’s -minefield and then to blockade the enemy’s fleet. The island was to -be called H.M.S. Samways, to be manned with the crew of a first-class -battleship and commanded by a senior admiral. Ultimus refused -point-blank. He owed nothing to Fatland, and was not going to have -his island or his inventions used in a cause which he as yet did not -understand. The Lord High Chief stormed and blustered until Siebenhaar -told him the truth about Bich’s battle and the nature of the invention -of which Ultimus had spoken. The Lord High Chief went pale and muttered -that he should have thought his country’s cause good enough for any -man. However, since they were so obstinate, he invited the islanders -ashore and undertook to satisfy their curiosity with regard to the war, -or the events which immediately preceded it. Arabella’s sister proposed -that they should stay in her house, but her invitation was refused. - -No sooner had the visitors put off in the launch than Ultimus moved the -island further up the river until all channels were blocked and no ship -could get either in or out. - -“Now,” said Ultimus, “they will treat me with respect, and will not -rest content until they have satisfied me and persuaded me to move the -island once more.” - -The effect he desired was produced. They were taken up to Bondon in one -of the Royal motor-cars, and a whole floor in one of the most expensive -hotels was placed at their disposal. For the first time in his life -Ultimus slept in a bed and was so hot that he could not bear it. He -rang the bell in the middle of the night and a little chambermaid -appeared. - -“Take that thing away,” said Ultimus. - -The little chambermaid stared at him. - -“I don’t want it. I don’t like it,” he said, glowering at the girl’s -face. It was like a flower, like a star; it was beautiful. Ultimus -could not take his eyes off it. Her eyes smiled back at his amazed -curiosity. He stood and reeled and said: - -“I love you.” - -“Yes, sir,” replied the little chambermaid. - -“My father said the Fattish were false. I asked them to send me the -most beautiful woman in the land and they sent me a hideous old -creature.” - -“Yes, sir.” - -“Ah! Why did they not send you? We could have gone away at once, away, -away, where there are no old women, no battleships, no beds.” - -The little chambermaid by this time was fascinated, and she stayed with -Ultimus all night, while he talked and told her how he had desired to -see a woman and was now satisfied and never wished to see another, and -how when he had seen the war he and she would retire to the island. - -“Oh, sir,” said the little chambermaid. “And shall I be a Queen? And -won’t the Fatters ever be able to get near the island? They all say the -Fatters do awful things to women.” - -Ultimus took her to his breast and they were joined in the mystical -union of a kiss; and for many hours no word passed between them. - -In the morning they were disturbed by Siebenhaar, who came in -unsuspectingly, saw what had happened and withdrew discreetly, gave -orders to the management that Mr. Samways was not to be disturbed, and -went out to see Bondon in war-time. - - -XI: HIGH POLITICS - -The streets were full of young men in uniform. In the parks were young -men without uniform being drilled. Except for policemen, hall-porters, -street-scavengers, the town was empty, and when Siebenhaar asked a -policeman why it was so, he was informed that everybody had gone to -look at the island. - -Said the constable: “There was nothing like it since I was a boy, when -the war began.” - -Siebenhaar was taken aback. - -“How long?” he said. - -“Well! It’ll be a matter of fifteen years now, though it’s difficult to -remember. It goes on. Things get quiet in the winter. Then it begins -again with the fine weather, with a new list of Fatter atrocities. Then -there’s a new promise from the Emperor of Grossia; then we have another -rally of the Empire and things become livelier.” - -“I am astonished,” said Siebenhaar, “that a great free nation like the -Fattish should tolerate such a state of affairs.” - -“Bless you,” said the policeman, “I’ve forgotten what peace was like. -There’s a few old gentlemen hold meetings to talk about it, but we’re -used to it by now. I remember there used to be scares about our being -invaded, but they soon came to an end. We all take our spell at the -fighting, and, if we come home, settle down to work of one sort or -another. There’s no doubt about it, the Fatters would make a nasty mess -of things if we didn’t keep them bottled up.” - -Siebenhaar protested: “Surely you yourselves are making a nasty mess of -things?” - -“Oh!” replied the policeman. “That’s over the water. You soon forget -about it when you get back home. It would be funny, sir, if that there -island were to put a stop to the war. We’d hardly know what to do with -our young men.” - -Siebenhaar’s blood boiled. A great nation, with a tradition of freedom, -could acquiesce in such arrest of its life, such wanton sacrifice of -its youth! - -He visited the Lord High Chief and found him just out of his bed in a -suit of blue silk pajamas. Breakfast was laid before him and he offered -Siebenhaar coffee. It was refused. - -“I am come, sir, to tell you that the island will not be used to assist -you. It will be used to stop the war.” - -“Stop the----?” - -“As I say.” - -“Come, come, sir. The war cannot be stopped until all parties to it -agree to our terms of settlement. It is a matter of high politics, -which it takes an expert to understand. We have the matter well in -hand. The country was told at the beginning that it was to be a long -war. It will be finished when our terms are agreed upon and not before.” - -“And those terms are----?” - -“They are known to my colleagues and myself. When the settlement is -concluded they will be laid before the country.” - -“And have you, sir, during the last fifteen years ever risked your life -on land or sea? Have you suffered in pocket or in health? Have you been -deprived of even a luxury?” - -“For fifteen years I have been the hardest worked man in the country. -I have practically lived in this office. When things were going badly -with us I made speeches up and down the country.” - -“Asking young men to give their lives and thank God for the privilege -of dying before they had tasted the full sweetness of life.” - -“It is their country’s life against theirs.” - -“You say so.” - -“The Fatters will make an end of us if they don’t.” - -“Have you made an end of the Fatters?” - -“No. But we will before we have done.” - -“Are the Fatter women all stricken with barrenness?” - -“Not that I know of.” - -“Then you cannot make an end of the race.” - -“We can smash their Empire.” - -“A word. Can you smash a word? You seem to me, sir, to talk and act as -though a nation were an abstraction instead of a collection of human -beings, bound together by language, manners, and religion.” - -“It is a matter of high politics.” - -“It seems to me, sir, that war is the logical outcome of your view -of national life, and that a nation without a war is not a nation. I -should imagine that a war greatly facilitates the task of government. -The rich can always be trusted to look after themselves, but the -poor are rendered impotent. I cannot raise a hand to support either -such a view or such a condition. You have attained the ideal of high -politics, the sacrifice of domestic affairs to international relations. -I congratulate you. I decline all further hospitality at your hands. -My young friend has already realized one of his ambitions. I shall -request the Emperor of Fatterland to satisfy the other. We shall go -to Fatterland to-morrow and see the war which you have been able to -confine to other countries.” - -“Herr Siebenhaar,” shouted the Lord High Chief, “you shall do no such -thing. The public has taken the island to its heart. You will consider -yourself under arrest.” - -Siebenhaar smiled sweetly: - -“I have seen the Fattish public take Mr. George Samways to its heart -and I have seen it reject him. I do not think you will arrest me, for, -before leaving the island we arranged an explosion to take place -two days from now in case of our non-return. Such an explosion would -project thousands of tons of rock over your city.” - - -XII: THE PUBLIC - -Ultimus refused to be separated from the lady of his choice, and when -Siebenhaar said he must return to the island the little chambermaid -declared her willingness to go if she could be married first. - -“You need not worry about that,” grumbled Siebenhaar. “There will be no -other women on the island, no one to care whether you are married or -no, no one to bully you if you have dispensed with the ceremony, and -Ultimus has no relations except his aunt, who will never forgive him -for his frankness. I warn you that on our island you will find none of -the excitements of the great hotel, neither the advantages of society -nor its disadvantages.” - -“I will come,” said the little chambermaid, “if you will let me tell my -mother that I am married. It would kill her if she thought I was not.” - -“A lie more or less in a community is no great matter, since its -existence depends upon lies,” said Siebenhaar. - -So the chambermaid wrote to her mother, packed her belongings in her -tin box, and with Siebenhaar and Ultimus was driven in the royal -motor-car to the docks. The last few miles they drove through enormous -cheering crowds, men, women, and children, singing as they went. - - “Won’t I kiss you when you come back home, - My soldier boy! - For my heart is with you as you cross the foam, - My soldier boy! - You are big and you are brave, - From the Huns our homes to save, - Or to find a hero’s grave. - Won’t I kiss you when you come back home!” - -A motor launch took them swiftly out to the island and there Ultimus -was proud to show the little house he had built and the gardens he had -made. - -In the afternoon they went up to the top of the mountain, where an -amazing sight met their eyes. Through the smoke loomed the towers and -domes and chimneys of the great city, and on the banks of the river for -miles stretched the crowds of people, and others came along the roads, -pouring in on foot, in carts, and wagons. Ultimus was seized with -nausea, which soon gave place to rage and he stamped his foot on the -ground and cried: - -“There are too many of them. Let me destroy them.” - -But Siebenhaar wept and said: - -“Rather destroy those heartless men who herd them like cattle and -rob them of the fruits of their labour and bid them believe in a God -whom they deny, a national idea which they can maintain only by the -destruction of life and the ruin of the nation. Destroy those who -sacrifice beauty to their pleasures, and love to their obstinate pride. -See, the city must be empty now, destroy it.” - -Ultimus moved his hand and in one moment the domes, towers and chimneys -of the city disappeared. The island moved and the crowd, seeing that -which they had come to see, clapped their hands and shouted until the -island disappeared. - - -XIII: THE EMPEROR - -In a few hours they were off the coast of Fatterland, and had -blocked up the harbour where the Fatter fleet lay in hiding from the -overwhelming superiority of the Fattish. The Emperor himself, who had -already heard of the destruction of Bondon, came out to greet them. He -had information as to Siebenhaar’s previous career and he decorated him -at sight with a Silver Eagle. To Ultimus he handed an Iron Cross. - -The Emperor was dressed in a large brass helmet, a white suit with a -steel cuirass, and enormous shining boots. He was a little man and very -pompous. - -“God,” he said, “has blessed you.” - -“How do you know?” asked Siebenhaar. - -“God,” said the Emperor, “has preserved the Fatterland, through me.” - -“On this island,” retorted Siebenhaar, “we are accustomed to talk -sense. There would have been no need for God or anybody else to defend -Fatterland if you had not so wantonly destroyed peaceful relations with -other countries.” - -The Emperor removed his helmet. - -“What a relief!” he said. “No one has ever talked sensibly to me -before. You don’t know how sick I am of being an Emperor with everybody -assuming that I don’t wish to think of anything but my own dignity. I -am not allowed to think or talk of anything else.” - -“Has it ever occurred to you,” asked Siebenhaar, “that a dignity which -requires over a million soldiers to maintain it is hardly worth it? -Have you ever thought that the million soldiers are maintained not for -your dignity, but because their housing, their feeding, their equipment -are all exceedingly profitable to a few men?” - -“I have often thought that,” replied the Emperor, “but I have never -found a soul willing to discuss it with me. When I meet other Emperors -the same dreadful thought haunts all of us, but none of us dare speak -of it, for we are watched night and day, and what we are to say to -each other is written by young men in the Government Offices.” - -The Emperor began to cry. - -“Four million men have been killed since the war began, and everybody -says it is my fault. I didn’t make the war, I didn’t, indeed I didn’t. -It was not in my power to make war, any more than it is in my power to -stop it. Horrible things have been done by the soldiers.” - -“Poor wretches!” said Siebenhaar. “How can they be anything but -bestial, deprived as they are of all that makes life sweet?” - -“How, indeed?” asked the Emperor. “Thousands have died of dysentery, -or cholera, and enteric and typhoid. Hundreds of thousands more of -starvation and exposure. It is impossible, I tell you, impossible to -prevent organisation breaking down. Contractors!” He shook his fists. -“Ah! There is nothing contractors will not do, from sending bad food -to insisting on being paid for food they have never sent. Ah! the -villains! the villains! And to think that my name is being execrated -throughout the world.” - -The Emperor looked about him uneasily. - -“And now, Herr Siebenhaar, what am I to tell them on my return? That -your marvellous island is the gift of God to the Fatter people?” - -“Say nothing,” replied Siebenhaar, “except that Mr. Ultimus Samways -wishes to see the war. We are neutral territory. If we have damaged -Bondon we have in coming here cleared your minefields and we propose -to keep your fleet bottled up and shall destroy it unless Mr. Samways -returns in safety within a week.” - -“We have had a delightful talk and it has been refreshing to me to -discover a philosopher who is greater than an Emperor.” - -Siebenhaar laughed and said he looked forward to the day when -capitalists and contractors discovered that the world contained a power -greater than their own. - -“I also,” said the Emperor, “possess an island. I shall be happy when -the war is over and I can retire to it and live in peace and devote -myself to the delightful and harmless pursuit of painting bad pictures.” - -He promised that an airship should be sent for Ultimus, and said -good-bye cordially and regretfully. As he put his helmet on he said: - -“I have to wear this infernal thing, though it always gives me a -headache.” - -“Now,” said Siebenhaar to Ultimus, “you have seen the unhappy -individual who is called the man-eater of Europe.” - -“Was that the Emperor?” asked the chambermaid. “Why, they told me he -had a tail and always walked about with bleeding baby’s legs in his -hands!” - - -XIV: WAR - -The airship was a great delight to the inventive genius of Ultimus. -He had it brought to earth on the shore and examined the engines and -propellers, and its ingenious steering apparatus. The officer in -charge of it was discreet and silent, a stiff martial gentleman whose -intelligence and humanity were completely hidden by his uniform. He -had brought a declaration to be signed by Ultimus, saying that he was -a non-belligerent and did not represent any newspaper. For Siebenhaar -he had brought a bundle of newspapers of every country so that he might -read what the nations were saying of each other. - -At last Ultimus’ curiosity was satisfied, and he stepped into the -observation car, the engines started purring and the great fish-shaped -balloon rose into the air. - -Ultimus was surprised to see how little his island was and when they -passed over into Fatterland he cried: - -“Why, there is room for everybody! How wrong I was to hate the Fattish -for being so many! Why do not some of them come and live here if there -is no room for them on their island?” - -“They’d have a warm time of it if they did,” said the officer. - -“Why? Don’t you like the Fattish?” - -“They are pirates and thieves. They are jealous of our honest -commercial success. They and they only are responsible for this war. -They have set half the nations of Europe to attack us, but they attack -in vain. We are glorious warriors, but they are only commercial -travellers.” - -“In Fatland,” replied Ultimus, “they say that they are glorious -warriors, but you are only machines. And they say that you are jealous -of their Empire, and for years have been planning to destroy their -fleet.” - -“What nonsense!” said the officer. - -They had been thousands of feet in the air, often above the clouds. - -“We are approaching the western frontier.” - -They descended. A booming and roaring came up and a queer crackling -sound. There were flashes of light and puffs of smoke, but nowhere were -there signs of any men save far, far away on the roads behind the lines -of smoke and flashes of light. - -“That,” said the officer, “is the war.” - -“But where are the men who are doing it?” - -The officer pointed to black zigzag parallel lines in the ground. - -“They are there. Those are trenches. They are impregnable. Years ago, -at the beginning of the war there was some barbarous fighting with -bayonets, but since we took up those positions there is nothing but -what you see. Each year makes those positions stronger, nothing can -move the armies from them. While the war lasts, they will be held. Is -it not splendid? It is just the same on the eastern frontier, though -the line there is a hundred miles longer. Ah! It is the greatest war -the world has ever seen.” - -They came lower until they could see into the trenches. There were -men playing cards, others sleeping; another was vomiting. Another was -buttoning up his trousers when his head was blown off. His body stood -for a moment with his hand fumbling at his buttons. Then it collapsed -ridiculously. One of the men who was playing wiped a card on his -breeches and then played it. Another man went mad, climbed out of the -trenches and rushed screeching in the direction whence the missile had -come. - -“I have seen enough,” said Ultimus. “Why do they go there?” - -“Because if they did not Fatterland would be overrun with the savages -hired by the Fattish.” - -“Would that be worse?” - -“It would not last so long,” replied the officer, “but we should have -lost our honour as a nation.” - -“That,” said Ultimus, “is exactly how the most beautiful woman in -Fatland talks. What is this honour?” - -“It is holy,” said the officer with so fatuously fervent an expression -that Ultimus laughed. - -“Does your Highness wish to see the eastern frontier?” - -“No, thank you. That is enough.” - -The airship soared up. It was now night. The stars came out and Ultimus -mused: - -“Out of all the planets why should this be tortured with the life of -men? Is it their vast numbers that drive them mad? Or are they so vile -that war is their normal condition and peace only a rest from it?” - -For the first time Ultimus responded to the beauty of the world. They -flew low over mountains, and great rivers and wide valleys. The variety -of it all entranced him, accustomed as he was to the monotony of the -sea and the narrow limitations of the island. Apart from the horror of -war it was amazing to him that men should desert such loveliness to -spend their days in holes dug in the ground. - - -XV: SIEBENHAAR ON SOCIETY - -Meanwhile on the island the philosopher and the chambermaid lived -through difficult hours. The girl wept without ceasing and said if -she had known how dull it was going to be she never would have come. -Remembering Arabella’s dissatisfaction, Siebenhaar said: - -“Women have no resources within themselves. They take life too -seriously. It is never amusing to them. Society is organised for their -protection and amusement and they take no interest in it, and let men, -who are only worried or irritated by it, bring it to ruin without a -protest. Women are the criminals who are responsible for everything, -for they encourage men in their vanity and weaken them in their power. -They desire safety, and detest originality, intellect, imagination.” - -The chambermaid sobbed: “I thought it was going to be fun to be a -Queen, but there is no fun in reigning over sticks and stones.” - -“Women,” said Siebenhaar, “want their lovers and their babies and their -fun. When they have to choose between the three, they choose their fun. -No. They are not the criminals; it is men who are that for letting -them have their fun to keep them quiet. Oh! Ultimus, that was a true -instinct of yours to destroy them in their thousands!” - - -XVI: PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS - -Ultimus was gone exactly a week, during which time he saw all the -preparations for the war, the countless widows and orphans created by -it, the stoppage of other business, the immense activity at arsenals, -boot factories, and cloth mills, and chemical laboratories, the soup -kitchens for the starving, among whom he was horrified to see thousands -of men who had returned maimed from the trenches. What perhaps appalled -him most was the gaiety of the children. - -He mentioned this to Siebenhaar on his return. The philosopher said: - -“They have been born since the war began and do not conceive of life -being otherwise.” - -“It must end,” said Ultimus, and he sank into a deep reverie. The -strangest result of his experience was that the sight of the little -chambermaid filled him with disgust. When he thought of the peaceful -and profoundly stirring existence out of which he and Siebenhaar had -come he could not but contrast it with the obscene excitement in which -he had found her. That she could accept and welcome his embraces when -she knew, as he did not, the bestiality towards maintaining which the -energies of Europe were devoted, filled him with so bitter an anguish -that he could hardly endure the sight of her. When he thought that he -and she might be bringing another life into a world made so unworthy -of human life, then he thought that he could never forgive her. His -impulse was to escape, to leave the benighted nations to their fate, -but, when he thought of the suffering he had seen, he found that he was -bound to them by more than curiosity. He had seen war and could not -rest until he had done his utmost to expunge it from the minds of men. -He had lived in a pure happiness familiar with all the intellectual -discoveries of the human mind; now he had gained the love of beauty and -a more passionate incentive to live. What room was there now among all -those millions of men for intellect and beauty? - -Siebenhaar had made good use of the newspapers. - -“It is clear to me,” he said, “that this war happened through stupidity -and jealousy. They all invented excuses for it after the outbreak of -hostilities. There is no reason why it should not end as suddenly as it -began. It is too much to expect men debauched by fifteen years of war -to see reason, but they will understand force. We will use force.” - -Together they drew up the following manifesto: - - SAMWAYS ISLAND, - OFF EUROPE. - - We, the undersigned, lately arrived in Europe, on discovering its - unanimous betrayal of civilisation, hereby declare as follows: - - (1) We have destroyed Bondon. - - (2) The power which did that will be used against any of the present - belligerents not consenting to lay down their arms. - - (3) Upon the declaration of peace the fleets of the hostile nations - are to be collected and sunk, the guns and ammunition of the various - disbanded armies having first been laded in them. Neutral nations - will then be invited by us to destroy their fleets and disband their - armies. - - (4) Nations in future will have no high political relations with each - other except through a central government. - - (5) Recognising the natural pugnacity of the human race and its - love of spectacular effect, we suggest that in future nations which - arrive at a complete misunderstanding should, with the consent of the - central government, declare war on each other for a period of not - less than one week and not more than one month, the nations to place - in the firing line only the incurably diseased, the incorrigibly - criminal, the lunatic and the imbecile, and all of those convicted of - exploitation and profit-sharing. - - (6) Not more than two thousand men are to be employed on either side, - and the sphere of operations is to be narrowly limited. If desired, - and to encourage a knowledge of the horror of war, we suggest that - such wars be paid for by admitting spectators at a price. - - (7) Wars are only to take place in August. - - (8) Naval war is to be prohibited altogether as too barbarous. The - central government will maintain an armed fleet for the suppression - of pirates. - - (9) Weapons and machines designed for the destruction of human life - are only to be manufactured by the central government. - - (10) Acknowledging that follies do not die easily and that nations at - war will always desire territory as a trophy, we are willing to place - the island at the service of the central government as the prize to - be fought for. It can always be found by wireless. - - (11) We submit that there shall be no discussion of the terms of - settlement until the central government is set up and a proper - tribunal is constituted to deal with all claims. The first step in - the interest of parties is disarmament, and upon that we insist. - - (Signed) IGNATZ SIEBENHAAR. - ULTIMUS SAMWAYS. - - - -XVII: PEACE - -This manifesto was transmitted by wireless to all parts of the world. -It was published in the newspapers of America, and therefore could -not be suppressed by the various National Committees for Keeping the -Public in the Dark. Ultimus received invitations to all the capitals -of the belligerent nations. He said that if they had anything to say -they could say it by wireless. Meanwhile if nothing was said the Fatter -fleet would be destroyed within a week: the Fattish fleet immediately -after it: and the various ports and capitals would one by one meet the -fate of Bondon. - -A great deal was said. Almost every day mean little men, who looked as -though they had been fat only a short time before and then scorched, -arrived to offer Ultimus his own price for his new explosive. They all -said the same thing: the enemy alone was responsible for the war and -it would never end until the enemy was destroyed. Therefore, in the -interests of civilisation and universal peace, Mr. Samways ought to -sell, nay, give to humanity the secret of his invention. - -“I am using it in the interests of civilisation,” said he, “and, as you -see, I am resisting all temptation to make money out of it. The proper -use of an explosive is that for which I made mine, namely, to destroy -every ugly and useless thing I had made.” - -And the mean little men went away. Two of them committed suicide on -their way back to shore, so troubled were they at being deprived of -the monopoly which had enabled them to drive millions of men to the -slaughter that the rest might be miserable slaves in their hands. - -As a matter of fact, these two had been ruined by the destruction -of Bondon, upon which they had been dependent for the world-wide -circulation of their credit. - -Day after day brought the news of the suicide of one great financier -after another, and the army contractors, realising that they might -not be paid for their efforts, abandoned them. No food or supplies -reached the armies, which came home in search of food. The Emperors -of Fatterland and Grossia fled to their country estates. The Emperor -of Waltzia had been dead for ten years, though his death had been -concealed. - -Before long a number of intelligent men from every country had met -in Scandinavia and a central government was proclaimed. The Fattish, -Fatter, Grossian, Waltzian, and Coqdorian fleets were collected in the -North Sea, and Ultimus had the great satisfaction of driving the island -through them. - - -XVIII: THE RETURN OF THE ISLAND - -And now Ultimus could breathe again. Came the news every day of -tremendous rejoicings in all the countries, and in all the name of -Ultimus Samways was blessed. He was asked by every one of them to -anchor his island off their shores, but he replied: - -“Not until the lunatic that is in every European is dead, can I dwell -among you. It is easy for you, whose lives are shallow to forget. But -I have seen and suffered and I cannot forget. When you have discovered -the depths in your own lives and each man recognises the profound -wonder of every other, then will the thought of the philosopher -Siebenhaar be as fertile seed among you and you will reap the harvest -of brotherhood.” - -When he had sent this message to the United States of Europe he sought -out the little chambermaid and said to her: - -“I beg your forgiveness. I have let the horror of war break in upon my -devotion to you. We are making for the Southern Seas. If you prefer it -you can retire to Bondon, though I must warn you that your luxurious -hotel is now a hospital for the cure of astute business men.” - -The little chambermaid replied: - -“I did want to go to see the fun when peace was declared, having seen -the fun in the streets when they declared war. But it’s come over me -now that I love you and only you, and I want to be by your side to give -you all the happiness you have brought into my heart.” - -And Siebenhaar said: - -“This is a mystery past the understanding of men, but the -understanding is its servant.” - - - - -Gynecologia - - -I: HISTORY - -I, Conrad P. Lewis, of Crown Imperial, Pa., U.S.A., do hereby declare -that the following narrative of my adventures is a plain truthful tale -with nothing added or taken away. At the end of a long life I am able -to remember unmoved things that for many years I could not call to mind -without horror and disgust. Even now I cannot see the charming person -of my daughter without some faint discomfort, to be rid of which (for I -would die in peace) I have determined to write my story. - -The whole civilised world will remember how, during the years when -Europe was sunk under the vileness of a scientific barbarism, there -was suddenly an end of news from Fatland. Our ships that sailed for -her ports did not return. Her flag had disappeared from the high -seas. Her trade had entirely ceased. She exported neither coal nor -those manufactured goods which had carried her language, customs, -and religion to the ends of the earth. Her colonies (we learned) had -received only a message to say that they must in future look after -themselves, as, indeed, they were as capable of doing as any other -collection of people. In one night Fatland ceased to be. - -It was at first assumed that her enemies the Fatters had invaded and -captured her, but, clearly, they would not destroy her commerce. -Moreover, the Fatters were at that time and for many years afterwards -living in a state of siege, keeping nine hostile nations at bay upon -their frontiers. This was the last of the great wars, leading, as we -now know, to the abolition of the idea of nationality, which endowed a -nation with the attributes of a vain and insolent human being, so that -its actions were childish and could only be made effective by force. -When that idea died in the apathy and suffering and bitterness of the -years following the great wars then the glorious civilisation which we -now enjoy became possible. - -The disappearance of Fatland took place shortly after the outbreak -of hostilities, which, from the practice which the Europeans had in -those days, was always accomplished with great expedition. Every four -years or so, when the exhausted nations once more had enough young -men over eighteen, there would be some little quarrel, or an arranged -assassination, or an ambassador would be indiscreet. One war, I -remember, broke out over a scuffle between two bakers in the streets -of Bondon: they were a Fattishman and a Fatter, and they had been -arguing over the merits of the Fattish loaf and the continental bâton. -The Press of both countries took it up: their governments had a good -class of troops that year and they did not hesitate to use them. We, in -the Western world, were accustomed to it by then and knew how to keep -our trade alive through neutral countries. Also, I regret to say, we -had engaged upon the dreadful traffic in war material. In those days -we were still bounded by the primitive civilisation of Europe. We had -not been wakened to manhood and the way of life and eternity, we had -not been taught to be elemental in our own elemental continent by the -sublime masterpiece of Junius F. Hohlenheim. - -When it became clear that Fatland could not be in the hands of the -Fatters: when, moreover, we were told that she was taking no part in -the last and bloodiest of the wars, and when, after many months, there -came no news of any kind, then our merchant-monarchs (now happily -extinct) fitted out an expedition, with credentials to the Fattish -Government, if any. Wild rumors had spread that the Gulf Stream was -diverted, making the Skitish islands uninhabitable, but I had just -then returned from a voyage to Norroway and knew that it was not so. -I had gazed at the coasts of the mysterious islands with pity, with -curiosity, with sad and, I must own it, sentimental longing. Were they -not our home? We were still colonists in those days, always looking -to other lands than that in which we lived. “O Fatland,” I cried. -“O mother inviolate!” But we had the captain’s wife on board and she -laughed and said that was not the adjective to apply to a mother. - - -II: CASTAWAY - -On my return I married and put my savings into my father-in-law’s -brush-making business, which was almost at once ruined, and I had to -go to sea again. Government money had been got for the expedition I -told you of, and I knew that pay would be higher on that account. I -sent in an application, and, having an uncle well placed, was taken on -as third officer. A dirty little gunboat had been put in commission, -and directly I set eyes on her I knew the voyage would be unlucky. We -were but three days out when we had trouble with the propeller shaft -and were carried far north among the ugliest ice I ever saw, and -narrowly escaped being caught in a floe. Fortunately we ran into a -southward current in the nick of time and, with a fresh wind springing -up, were quickly out of danger. However, the years of war had added -another peril to those of nature. We fouled a mine among the islands -of Smugland and were blown to bits. At the time I was standing near a -number of petrol cans, and when I came to the surface of the water I -found some of them floating near me. I tied six of them together and -they made a tidy little raft, though it was very uncomfortable. On them -I drifted for four days until hunger and thirst were too much for me -and I swooned away. I was then past agony and my swoon was more like -passing into an enchantment than a physical surrender. - -I was not at all astonished, therefore, when I came to my senses to -find myself in a bed with a man sitting by my bedside. Very glad was I -to see him, and I cried out in a big voice: - -“Kerbosh! If I ain’t got into heaven by mistake.” - -The man shook his head sadly and said: - -“Heaven? No.” - -But I could not shake off the feeling that I was in Heaven. The man -had long hair and a beard, and I could be pardoned for taking him -for Peter. He wore a rough shift, a long kilt below his knees, and -thick stockings, and by his elbow on a little table, was another -stocking which he had been knitting. He gave me food and drink, and I -at once felt stronger, but somewhat squeamish, so that the sense of -hallucination clung about me. When I asked where I was, the man tiptoed -to the door, opened it and listened, then returned to my bedside and -said in a whisper: - -“It is as much as my place is worth, but I would warn you as man to -man to make good your escape while you may. As man to man, I say it, -man to man.” - -He was so terribly excited as he said this that I decided in my own -mind that he was a harmless lunatic, one of the many whom the great -wars had rendered idiotic. To humour him I repeated: - -“As man to man.” - -And I put out my hand. He seized it and said in a desperate voice: - -“I am old enough to be your fa----” - -Footsteps sounded on the stairs and in absolute terror he stopped, took -up his knitting and plied the needles frantically. - - -III: MY CAPTOR - -The footsteps came up to the door of the room in which I lay. The -door opened to reveal a truly remarkable figure; plump, short, with a -tousled mop of reddish-grey hair and a wide, pleasant, weather-beaten -face. This figure was clad in a loose blue coat and Bulgarian trousers, -very baggy about the hips and tight about the calves; not at all an -unbecoming costume, though it both puzzled and pained me. So much so -that I pretended to be asleep, for I was averse to being made to -speak to this strange object. A woman’s voice addressed the man with -the knitting and asked him how I was. He replied that I had come to my -senses and gone to sleep again. As luck would have it, the food I had -eaten so hastily began just then to cause me acute discomfort, and my -body, escaping my control, relieved itself after its fashion. Thereupon -the woman, perceiving that I was malingering, fell upon me and shook -me until my teeth rattled and delivered herself of an oration upon the -deceitfulness of man. I was still suffering acutely and could offer -no resistance, though I cried out that I was an American citizen and -neutral and should have the matter brought to the ears of my Government. - -“In this country,” said my assailant, “men are men and are treated as -such, and we do not recognize the existence of any other country in -the world. You will get up now and place your superior strength at -the service of those who feed you and as far as possible justify your -existence.” - -The man with the knitting had crept from the room. He returned with a -shift, a kilt and stockings like his own. I was made to put these on, -the woman, in defiance of all decency, watching me and talking shrilly -all the time. Then she drove the man and myself out of doors and set us -to work at hoeing in a field of turnips, while she whistled to a dog -that came bounding over a hedge, and trudged off in the direction of a -wood. - -“Who is she?” said I. “Is she your wife?” - -“Wife?” answered he. “Wife! There is neither marriage nor giving -in marriage. She is a farmer, and I, who was once a Professor of -Economics, am her labourer. Intellectually I am in despair, but -physically I am in such rude health that I cannot entertain the thought -of self-destruction long enough to commit the act. She is my niece, and -when the change came she undertook, as all women did, to provide work -for her male relatives above a certain age.” - -“Change?” I whispered. “What change?” - -“Have you not heard?” he said. “Is the country severed from the -civilised world?” - -I informed him of the expedition which I had joined. He gave a long -hopeless sigh and fell into a great silence which moved me far more -than his words had done. We plied our hoes in the immense field which -was situated in a desolate region of slight undulations the outlines of -which were blurred with rank growth. - -Presently I broke in upon his silence to ask his name. - -“I was,” he murmured, “I was Professor Ian Baffin.” - -“Can it be possible?” I cried, for the fame of that great man was -world-wide, and during the notorious Anti-Trust elections in my country -his works had been in every cultured home. I told him this, but it -brought him no comfort. - -“At the time of the change,” he said, “I and fifty other Professors -and Fellows of Colleges published a manifesto in which we pointed out -the disasters that must ensue, and we even went so far as to promise -them degrees at the major universities, but the change came and the -universities were destroyed.” - -“What change?” I asked again. - -He leaned on his hoe and gazed toward the setting sun. - - -IV: THE CHANGE - -“About the tenth year of the second of the great wars,” he said, -“there was a convulsion in the country. A young idealist appeared who -with fiery and vulgar eloquence proclaimed that war was the triumph -of the old over the young, to whom since the world began justice had -never been done. The old, he said, were in the position of trustees -who had betrayed their trust and instead of working for the benefit of -the endless army of the young who came after them, devoted all their -energies to robbing them of their birthright. To extricate themselves -from the punishment which must otherwise have fallen on them they -exploited the courage and love of adventure of the young and set them -to destroy each other. So successful had they been in this device that -they could count on using it at least once in every generation, and -politicians knew that when they were at the end of their tether they -could always procure a continuance of their offices and emoluments -by declaring war. This had been the condition of civilised existence -for so many thousands of years that it was generally accepted and the -truth was never suspected until our young idealist arrived with honey -on his lips for the young and gall and bitter invective for the old. -He rushed up and down the country persuading young men on no condition -to take up arms. ‘Government?’ he said. ‘What government do you need -except such as will provide you with roads, railways, lighting, bread -for the incapacitated, and drainage for all?’ I signed a manifesto -against him too. His ignorance of economics was pitiful. In the end -martial law was proclaimed and he was shot. The young men did not -listen to him, but the young women did. Shooting him was a mistake. -It gave his name the magic of martyrdom. By the thousand, women, old, -young, and middle-aged, cherished his portrait in their bosoms, prayed -to him in secret, vowed themselves to his cause, and remained chaste. -Nunneries were founded in his name, but so potent was the spell of his -martyrdom, so overwrought were the women of this country by the many -crises through which we have passed, that amid all the temptations of -life they were dedicated to his memory and preserved their virginity. -They said if the country can find no better use for our sons than to -send them to the slaughter and disablement, we will breed no sons. The -Government was warned, but like all governments they could not see -beyond the system by which they governed, and when at last they were -convinced that something serious was happening, they could think of no -other remedy than that of giving votes, i.e. a share in the system by -which they enjoyed their positions. At first, to show their contempt -for the Government, the women did not use their votes until the country -was shown by an energetic and public-spirited woman that another war -was in the making. An election was forced and the Government was -defeated. At the conclusion of the second great war you may remember -that Bondon was destroyed, and with it the Houses of Parliament and the -Royal Palace. A new capital was chosen, but as Fatland was no longer -the center of the world’s credit system, finance had lost its old -power. A new type of politician had arisen, who, in order to win favour -with the women, set himself to do all in his power to make government -impossible. The enormous numerical superiority of the women made -their leaders paramount in the land, though there was still officially -a Cabinet and a House of Swells. On the third and last outbreak of -hostilities the officials made their final despairing effort and -declared war on Fatterland, but they had no army. They had been unable -to rebuild their fleet as all the other countries had done. They were -helpless. The Cabinet and the House of Swells, to set an example to the -country, armed themselves and went to the front, taking with them the -last ten thousand young men in the country. They never returned and -the country was left populated solely by old men, cripples, and women, -of whom a few thousand were pregnant. These were interned. A committee -of influential women was formed and issued a decree that Fatland would -henceforth have no share in male civilisation. Men had, to cut a long -story short, made a mess of things, and women would now see what they -could do. They began by abolishing property in land. The first, the -only important thing was to feed the population. The State guaranteed -to everybody food, housing, and clothes. Able-bodied women were to take -charge of their male relatives and make them useful. Decent women, -that is to say virgins, were to work on the land. All women guilty of -childbirth were to be sent to work in the factories. I cannot remember -all the laws made, for my memory has been impaired by my sufferings, -but they were all dictated by an unreasoning and venomous hatred of -men. We are little better than slaves. They laugh at us affectionately, -but they despise and ignore our thoughts. They have defied every -economic law, but astonishingly they continue to live.” - -“Indeed,” said I, “the world goes on. The sun sets and will rise as it -has done these millions of years, with change upon change, folly upon -folly beneath it. We turn up the earth for the food we eat and so we -live. Truly I think there is some wisdom in these women.” - -The sun went down, a bell rang in the farmhouse, we shouldered our hoes -and returned thither, each busy with his own thoughts. - - -V: THE HOMESTEAD - -To my annoyance I found that the bell was not a summons to a meal, but -to a meeting of the family of five women for a kind of a service. This -consisted in reading aloud from the speeches of William Christmas, -the idealist who had provoked this monstrous state of affairs. His -portrait hung on the wall opposite the door, and I must confess that -his face was singularly beautiful. The woman who had roused me from my -bed read a passage beginning: “The tyranny of the old is due to their -stupidity, which neither young men nor women have yet had the patience -to break through.” And as she closed the book she said, “Thus spake -William Christmas.” Whereupon the other women muttered, “of blessed -memory, which endureth for ever and ever. Amen.” These women were plain -and forbidding. Their eyes were fixed on the portrait with a dog-like -subjection which I found most repulsive. They stood transfixed while -the woman-farmer declaimed: “For guidance, William Christmas, spirit -of woman incarnate, we look to thee in the morning and in the evening, -in our goings out and our comings in, and woe to her who stumbles on -the way of all flesh into the snares of men.” On that the five of them -turned and glared sorrowfully at my old friend and me until I was hard -put to it not to laugh. The meeting then came to an end, and we were -told to prepare supper. We withdrew to the kitchen, and there Professor -Baffin began to snigger, and when I asked him what amused him he said: - -“The joke of it is that this Christmas, like all idealists, was as -great a lecher as Julius Cæsar. It was his lechery made his position in -the old order of society impossible.” - -I laughed too, for I had begun dimly to understand the passion which -moved these virgins in their chastity, and I was filled with a fierce -hatred of the lot of them, and resolved as soon as possible to escape. - -We cooked a meal of fish and eggs, and having laid the table we had to -wait on the family. I was struck by the triviality of their discourse -and the absence from it of any general argument. The five women -twittered like sparrows in mid-winter and not once did they laugh. -They talked of the condition of their beasts and their crops, and so -earnest, so careful were they that I understood that it must be barren -soil indeed that would resist their efforts. They were discussing -what goods they would requisition from the district store in return -for their contribution to the State granaries. I wondered if they had -succeeded in abolishing money, and upon enquiry I found that they had. -The Professor told me that they had abolished everything which before -the change had made them dependent upon men and their pleasure. - -“But why do you men stand it?” I cried. - -“We would starve else. We have no credit. Contributions to the State -granaries are not accepted from men, nor are men allowed to trade -direct with the stores.” - -“But cannot they revolt and use their strength?” - -“The strange thing is,” said the Professor, “that men cannot now endure -the sight of each other. They are as jealous of each other as women -were in the old days. Besides, writing is forbidden, and no book -is allowed save the posthumous works of the lecherous William. The -libraries were destroyed on the same day as the arsenals. Intelligence -is gagged. Thrift and a terrible restless activity are now our only -virtues.” - -“And art?” - -“Art? How should there be art? It was never more than the amusement -of women in their idleness. They are no longer idle and I must admit -that they are admirably methodical in their work, energetic and -straightforward as men never were. But it is ill living in a woman-made -world and I shall not be sorry when death comes.” - - -VI: OBSEQUIES - -Death came to the old man that night, and so surprised him that he was -unable to feel anything. I had been put to sleep in the same room with -him and was awakened by his talking. He was delivering himself of what -sounded like a lecture, but he broke off in the middle to say: - -“This is very astonishing. I am going to die.” - -I struck a light, and there he was lying with a smile of incredulity -upon his face, and I thought that, if we were sentient beings when we -were born, so and not otherwise we would accept the gift of life. So -and not otherwise do we greet all manifestations of life which have not -become familiar through habit. - -I was grateful to the old man for giving me the key to my own frame of -mind. I spoke to him, but he was dead. - -His loud discourse had roused the mistress of the house who came -knocking at the door, saying: - -“Baffin, if you don’t behave yourself I shall come and tickle you.” - -So astounded and outraged was I at this address that I leapt out of my -bed, donned my kilt, and said: - -“Come in, woman, and see what you have done. This learned old man, -whose mind was one of the glories of the world, has been driven to his -death, starved, deprived of the intellectual habits through which a -long life had been----” - -I got no further, for the woman flung herself upon me and tickled my -sides and armpits until I shrieked. Two other women came rushing up -and held me on the floor, and then with a feather they tickled my feet -until I was nearly mad. I wept and cried for mercy, and at last they -desisted and withdrew, leaving me with the corpse, to which they paid -not the slightest attention. - -The next morning I was told to dig a grave and to prepare the body for -burial. There was no more ceremony than in a civilised country is given -to the interment of a dog, and in the house I only heard the old man -referred to twice. The youngest of the women said, “He was a dear old -idiot,” but the mistress of the house shut her mouth like a trap on the -words: “One the less.” - -But a day or two later I found upon the grave a pretty wreath of wild -flowers, and that evening under a hedge I came on a little girl, who -was crying softly to herself. I had not seen her before and was puzzled -to know where she came from. She said her name was Audrey and she lived -at the next farm, where they were very unkind to her, and she used to -meet the old man in the fields and he was very nice to her, and when -she heard he was dead she wanted to die too. The men on the farm were -rough and dirty, and the women were all spiteful and suspicious. - -When I asked her if she had put the wreath on my old friend’s grave, -she was frightened and made me promise not to tell anyone. Of course I -promised, and I took her home. As we parted we engaged to meet again in -the wood half-way between our two houses. - - -VII: SLAVERY - -In my own country I have often remarked the cruel lack of consideration -with which women treat their servants, but here I was appalled by the -bland inhumanity of the conduct of these women toward myself. I was -given no wages and no liberty. (I could not keep my engagement with -Audrey.) I was a hind, and lived in horror of the degradation into -which I saw that I must sink. Day after day of the cruel work of the -fields brought me to a torpid condition in which I could but blindly -obey the orders given me when I returned home. Especially I dreaded -the evenings on those days when the mistress of the house went to the -district stores, for she always returned out of temper and found fault -with everything I did. Also, when she was out of temper, her readings -from the Book of Christmas were twice as long as usual. - -I was some weeks in this melancholy condition, not knowing how I could -make my escape and indeed despairing of it, when I was sent on a -message to the next farm. On the way back I met Audrey, at the sight of -whose young beauty I forgot the despair which latterly had seized me. -I rushed to her and caught her up in my arms and kissed her. Thereupon -she said she would never go back, but would stay with me forever. I -could not deny her, for I had found in her the incentive which I had -lost in my growing indifference to my fate. She was but a child, and -the only gracious being I had met in this ill-fated country. Hand -in hand we wandered until dusk, when I hid her in the hay-loft and -returned to my duties. - -I was severely chidden for my long absence and ordered during the -next week to wear the Skirt of Punishment, a garment of the shape -fashionable among women at the time of the great change. Poor Audrey -could not help laughing when she saw me in it, but having no other -clothes I had to put off all thought of escape until I was released -from punishment. Never before had I realised how cramped the mind could -become from the confinement of the legs. My week in a skirt came very -near to breaking my spirit. Another four days of it and I believe I -should have grovelled in submissive adoration before my tyrant. Only my -nightly visits to Audrey kept me in courage and resolution. - - -VIII: A STRANGE WOOING - -The youngest of the women in the homestead was the last to speak to -me. She was dark and not uncomely, and I had often noticed her at the -readings smile rather fearfully at her own thoughts. Once my eyes had -met hers and I was shocked by the direct challenge of her gaze. At the -time I was disturbed and uneasy, but soon forgot and took no notice of -the woman except that I felt vaguely that she was unhappy. But soon -I was always meeting her. I would find her lurking in the rooms as I -came to scrub and clean them. Or she would appear in the lane as I came -home from the fields, or I would meet her in the doorway, so that I -could not help brushing against her. A little later I missed one of my -stockings as I got up in the morning and had to go barefoot until I had -knitted another pair. - -One night as I was creeping off to my poor Audrey, now deadly weary of -her close quarters in the hay, to my horror I met this woman clad in -her night attire. She vanished and I went my way thoroughly frightened. -I told Audrey to be ready to come with me next day, for we were spied -upon and could not now wait, as we had planned, until my little thefts -from the larder had given us a sufficient store of food. - -Nothing happened the next day and I gave up my determination to ransack -the larder. That night as I opened the door I found the woman pressed -against it, so that she fell almost into my arms. She clung to me -wildly, assured me that I was the most beautiful man she had ever -seen, and tried to press me back into my room, her tone, her whole -bearing conveying an invitation about which it was impossible to be -mistaken. It chilled me to the heart, coming as it did so suddenly out -of the coldness engendered by the rigid separation of the sexes and the -deliberate humiliation of men in that woman-ridden region. As gently as -I could I put her from me, though it was not so easy, and I rushed out -into the night. I could not tell Audrey what had happened, but as soon -as I saw her I felt that the moment for our escape had come. If we did -not seize it I should be denounced and tickled, if not worse. We crept -away and made straight across the fields and at dawn hid in a wood. - - -IX: THE RUINED CITY - -I was relieved to hear from Audrey that there were no newspapers. She -told me that a man from her farm had run away but was never found. -There were always new men coming, because it was impossible for them -to obtain food except what they could kill. In the summer there were -always men wandering about the country, but they came back in the -winter and were glad to work for their board and lodging. I soon -understood this, for when we had exhausted our store we were often a -whole day without a morsel passing our lips, and I began to see the -foolhardiness of my attempt at liberty. Again and again I besought -Audrey to leave me, but she would not. She could always have obtained a -meal for herself had she gone alone to a house, but wherever I went I -was asked for my registered number, and at first had not the readiness -to invent one. At last I told one woman I was 8150. She asked me what -district and I did not know. On that she bundled me out and I was lucky -to escape detention. When I asked Audrey about the registration she -said all men were registered with a number and a letter. The men on her -farm had been L.D. Next time I said I was L.D. 8150, and when asked my -business I said I was taking my young miss to the nunnery at O. Either -my answer was satisfactory or Audrey’s beauty was the passport it would -be in any normal country, for we were handsomely treated and given a -present of three cheeses to take to the nuns. - -We ate the cheeses and were kept alive until, after a fortnight’s -journey, we came on a dismal mass of blackened buildings. We entered -the city, once world-famous for its textiles, and never have I -been so near the hopelessness of the damned. The remains of a dead -civilisation; decomposing and festering; grass grew in between the -cobbles of the streets; weeds were rank; creepers covered the walls -of the houses and their filthy windows. Huge factories were crumbling -away, and here and there we came on immense piles of bricks where the -chimneys had tumbled down. For miles we walked through the streets and -never saw a soul until as we turned a corner into a square we came on a -sight that made me think we had reached the lowest Hell. - - -X: THE OUTLAWS - -There was a great fire in the middle of the square, and round this was -a tatterdemalion crew of men and women. They were roasting an ox, and, -as they waited for it, they sang and danced. When we approached near -enough to hear what they were singing I blushed and felt aggrieved for -Audrey. Many of the men and women were perfectly shameless in their -gestures, and I wished to go back the way we had come. However, we had -been seen, and were drawn into the light of the fire and asked to give -an account of ourselves. I told them I was an American citizen only -too anxious to return to my own country now I had seen the pass to -which theirs had been brought. Audrey clung to me, and I said she was -my little cousin whom I had come to deliver, and that, having wandered -hungry for so many days, we had taken refuge in the town in the hope -of faring better. We were given stools to sit on, and slices of the -best cut of the ox were put before us. The rest drank spirits and wine -from some cellar in the town and were soon more crazy than ever, and -more obscene, but with my belly full of good meat I was not offended -and preferred their debauchery to the icy virtue which had so horribly -oppressed me at the homestead. Audrey was excited by it all, but I knew -that her innocence could take no harm. - -Presently there was only one man sober besides myself. He came towards -me and invited me to stay the night in his house where he lived alone -with his son. I liked the looks of the man. He was poorly clad, but in -the old fashion of coat and trousers, whereas the costumes of the men -in the square were strange and bizarre. - -As we walked through the dark streets our new friend told me that all -the great cities of Fatland were in this condition, abandoned to the -dregs of the population, degraded men and women, idle and lawless, with -the leaven of the few proud spirits who would not accept the new regime -and found a world governed by women as repulsive as a world governed -by men. I was astonished at this, for I could not then see, as later -I saw, the abomination of civilised life as I had known it at home. -Perhaps a sailor, for whom life ashore means pleasure and relief from -responsibilities, cannot feel injustice and inequality. On the sea he -has his own way of dealing with those poisons. - -The house we came to was small but comfortable. My new friend explained -that he was able to keep alive by dealing with the outlaws, who kept -money current among themselves, and, indeed, had come to regard him -as their counsellor and peacemaker, and never returned from their -raids without bringing him some tribute. Seeing me dubious of the -morality of this, he explained that under the old order he had been -a shareholder in joint-stock companies and accepted his share of the -profits without scruple as to how they had been obtained. He told me -further that he was quite alone in the city, and that no one else -maintained the old life. He had registered himself in compliance with -the law, but could not leave the mathematical work to which his life -had been devoted, for he believed that he would achieve results which -would survive all the vicissitudes of Fattish civilisation even as the -work of Pythagoras had survived ancient Greece. The number of outlaws, -he said, was growing, and there would eventually be a revolution, to -lead which he was preparing and educating his son, Edmund. His own -sympathies, he declared, had at first been with the women, who had been -driven to extricate the country from the vicious circle of war into -which it had been drawn by the egregious folly of men. But when, having -achieved this, they abused their power and, in the intoxication of -their success, defied nature herself, then he had abandoned all hope -and had taken the only means of dissociating himself from the life of -his country, namely, by staying where he was. To be sure the women had -established agriculture on a sound basis, but it was vain for them to -breed cattle if they would not breed themselves. - -I asked him if he was a widower. He said No. - - -XI: EDMUND - -This man’s son was the most charming boy I ever set eyes on. He was -eighteen, but had the carriage and assurance of a young man in his -prime, most resolute and happy. He liked talking to me and was more -communicative than his father. For a fortnight he would work steadily -at his books, imbibing the principles of government in the philosophers -from Plato down. He thought they were all wrong, said so, and but -for his simplicity I should have put him down as conceited. It was -very slowly as I talked to him that I came to realise the revolution -in thought produced by the great European wars and the terrible -consequences, how fatal they had been to the old easy idealism. The new -spirit in its generous acceptance of the gross stuff of human nature -and its indomitable search for beauty in it has been expressed for -all time by our poet, Hohlenheim, and I only need state here that I -encountered it for the first time in that ruined city. Not, however, -till Hohlenheim expressed it did I recognise it. - -But for Hohlenheim I could believe in a Providence when I think of -Edmund and Audrey. They were as bee and flower. The honey of her -beauty drew him and he was hers, she his, from the first moment. I had -regarded her as a child and was amazed to see how she rejoiced in him. -I had expected more modesty until I reflected how in such darkness as -that which enveloped Fatland love must blaze. It flared up between -them and burned them into one spirit. So moved was I that all other -marriage, even my own, has always seemed a mockery to me. - -How gracious Audrey was to me! She promised me that Edmund would hurry -up his revolution so that I could return to my own country, but I was -given to understand that the position was very difficult, because his -own mother was Vice-Chairwoman of the Governing Committee. For a week -at a time Edmund would be away rounding up outlaws, and, at great risk, -preaching to the kilted and registered men in the fields. Had he been -caught he would have been tickled to death. - -After a time I went with him on his expeditions. It was amazing how his -eloquence and his personality produced their effect even on the dullest -minds. The stream of men proceeding to the ruined city increased every -day, and we began to have enough good people to suppress the reckless -rioters somewhat and to organise the life of the town something after -the fashion of the Italian city-state, except that we made no warlike -preparations whatsoever. Most encouraging of all, we had a growing -number of young women coming into the place, and thankful as they were -to escape the nunneries or the spinsterhood of the farms, they quickly -found mates and produced children. The birth of every baby was made a -matter of public rejoicing. - -But alas! my ill-luck pursued me. On one of our expeditions we were -cut off and surrounded in a field by a patrol of women. Edmund managed -to escape, but I was captured and tortured into making a confession of -what was going on in the ruined city. I did not see how my confession -could do any harm, and I don’t know what happened, but though my -friends must have known where I was they made no attempt to rescue -me or to communicate with me. I think I should have died rather than -confess but for the thought of my wife. My strongest passion then was -to see her again. Let that, if excuse is needed, be mine. - - -XII: THE NUNNERY - -As Edmund disappeared through a gap in the hedge I was attacked by a -mob of women, screaming at the top of their voices. They talked me into -a state of stupefaction and led me dazed in the direction of a great -building which I had taken for a factory or workhouse. Here with the -leader of my captors I was hustled through a little gate with the mob -outside hooting and yelling: - -“Man! Man! Man!” - -I was flung into a cell and left there to collect my wits, which I -found hard of doing, for I was near the limits of my endurance, and I -did not see how I could hold out against the numbing influence of such -absolute feminism. In the society to which I had been accustomed men, -whatever their misdeeds, had always treated women with indulgence, but -here the life of a man was one long expiation for the crime of having -been born. I had spirit enough left in me to revolt, but my feeling -could only express itself in bitter tears. I wept all night without -ceasing, and the next day I was so weak and ill that I slept from utter -exhaustion. - -Bread and water were handed in to me through a hole in the door, but -the bread was sour and the water was foul to my taste. Once again I -fell a victim to the sense of hallucination, and when at last the door -of my cell was opened and a human figure entered I was half-convinced -that I was honoured with a visitation by an angel. I fell on my knees -and the “angel” called me to my senses by saying: - -“Fool, get up.” - -I obeyed and my visitor informed me that she was the Medical -Superintendent come to inspect me. I was ordered to strip and stand in -the middle of the cell while the superintendent walked round me and -surveyed me as farmers do with cattle. She prodded my flesh and asked -me my age and what illnesses I had had. She sounded my lungs and tested -my heart and appeared to be well satisfied. As she scanned my person -there came into her eyes a quizzical, humorous look, in which there was -a certain kindly pity, so that I was reassured and plucked up courage -to ask where I was and what was going to be done with me. I was told -that I was in the great nunnery of O, and that my destiny depended -upon her report. I asked her to make it a good one and she laughed. I -laughed too, for indeed mine was a most ridiculous position, standing -there stark naked under her scrutiny. It became necessary for me to -cover myself, and when I had done so we still stood there laughing like -two sillies. She said: - -“You’ll do.” - -“For what?” - -“I can give you a certificate for fatherhood.” - -I gasped and protested that I was married, and expressed my horror of -any such misconduct as she proposed. She ignored my protest and said: - -“The mothers of your children will be carefully chosen for you.” - -On that I roared with laughter. The idea was too preposterous. The -superintendent reproved me and said that any ordinary man would give -his eyes to be in my position, which I owed entirely to my wonderful -physique. I declared my unwillingness and demanded as an American -citizen to be set at liberty. She told me that the idea of nationality -was not recognised and that I must serve the human race in the way -marked out for me. “How?” said I. “Marked out for me? By whom?” I was -assured by my own physical fitness. I protested that I could not look -upon fatherhood as a career, but was told that I must consider it among -the noblest. I maintained that it could never be for a man more than -an incident, significant and delightful no doubt, but no more to be -specialized in than any other natural function. Argument, however, was -impossible, for on this subject the superintendent’s humour deserted -her. However, her interest was roused and she was more friendly in her -attitude, and consented to explain to me the institution which she -served. It was not in the old sense a nunnery, for its inmates were -not vowed to seclusion, and though portraits of William Christmas were -plentiful on its walls, there was no formal devotion to his memory. -It was literally a garden of girls. Female children were brought from -the affiliated crèches to be trained and educated for the functions of -life to which they were best fitted. The intelligent were equipped for -the sciences, the strong for agriculture, the quick and cunning for -industry, the beautiful for maternity. Male children were farmed out -and given no instruction whatever, since they needed no intelligence -for the duties they had to perform. “But the birth-rate?” I said, and -received the answer: “Should never be such as to complicate the problem -of food. It is better to have a small sensible population than one -which is driven mad by its own multitude.” - -I was far from convinced and said: “Such a world might a student of -bees dream of after a late supper of radishes.” - -My new friend replied that I had not lived through the nightmare of -the great wars, or I would be in a better position to appreciate the -blessings of a scientific society. She admitted that men were perhaps -treated with undue severity, but added that, for her part, she believed -it to be necessary for the gradual suppression of the masculine conceit -and folly which had for so long ravaged the world. In time that would -right itself, the severity would be relaxed, and men would assert an -undeniable claim to a due share in the benefits of civilisation. In the -meanwhile, she would do all in her power to befriend me. I implored her -to certify me unfit for fatherhood, but she would only yield so far as -to declare that I was in need of a month’s recuperation and distraction. - -With that ended my interview with that extraordinary woman, who in -happier circumstances would have been a glory to her sex. - -I was presently removed from my cell to a pleasant room in the lodge -by the gate, and I was made to earn my keep by working in the garden. -At the end of a week I was despatched by road to the capital to appear -there before the examining committee of the department of birth. - - -XIII: IN THE CAPITAL - -As luck would have it my guardian on the long journey by road--for -motor-cars had not been renounced--was a little chatterbox of a woman, -who coquetted with me in the innocent and provocative manner of the -born flirt. She meant no harm by it, but could not control her eyes -and gestures. I encouraged her to make her talk, and she told me it -would have gone hardly with me but that the medical superintendent -had been passing by the gate of the nunnery as I was thrust in. But -for her I should have been condemned to work in the sewers or to sell -stamps in the post office, menial work reserved for criminals, for the -authorities were becoming exasperated with the agitation for the rights -of men. The outlaws no one minded. They inhabited the ruined cities -and sooner or later would be starved out. It was absurd to expect the -new society to be rid altogether of the pests which had plagued the -old, but every reasonable woman was determined that for generations men -should not enjoy the rights which they had so wantonly abused. - -“But,” I said, “men never claimed rights.” - -“No,” answered my coquette, “they stole them when we were not looking. -They insisted that we should all be mothers, so that we should be too -busy to keep them out of mischief.” - -“My dear child,” said I, “it is the women who have kept us in mischief.” - -“No one can say,” she replied, “that we do not keep you out of it now.” -And she gave me one of those arch involuntary invitations which have -before now been the undoing of Empires. I could not resist it. I seized -her in my arms and kissed her full on the lips. - -I half expected her to stop the car and denounce me, but when she had -made sure that the girl driving had not seen she was undisturbed and -remarked with a charming smile: - -“Some foreign ways are rather pretty.” - -I repeated the offence, and by the journey’s end we were very good -friends and understood each other extremely well. She agreed with me -when I said that all forms of society were dependent upon a lot of -solemn humbug. She said yes, and she expected that before she had done -she would be put upon her trial. I did not then understand her meaning, -for we parted at the door of a large house, where she was given a -receipt for me. She saluted me, the dear little trousered flirt, by -putting her finger to her lips as the car drove off. - -There were no women in that house. Its inhabitants were a number -of young men like myself, all superb in physique and many of them -extremely handsome, but they were all gloomy and depressed. I was -right in guessing them to be other candidates for fatherhood. They -were guarded and served by very old men in long robes like tea-gowns. -Horrible old creatures they were, like wicked midwives who vary their -habit of bringing human beings into the world by preparing their dead -bodies to leave it. But the young men were hardly any better: they were -dull, stupid, and listless, and their conversation was obscene. - -We had to spend our time in physical exercise, in taking baths and -anointing our bodies with unguents and perfumes. We were decked out -in beautiful clothes. Embroidered coats and white linen kilts. In the -evenings there were lectures on physiology, and we were made to chant -a poetical passage from the works of William Christmas, a description -of the glory of the bridegroom, of which I remember nothing except an -offensive comparison with a stallion. - -The humiliation was terrible, and when I remembered the superintendent -speaking of “the mothers of my children” I was seized with a nausea -which I could not shake off, until, two days after my arrival, an -epidemic of suicide among the candidates horrified me into a wholesome -reaction against my surroundings. I found it hard to account for -the epidemic until I noticed the coincidence of the disappearance -of the most comely of the young men with the periodic visits of the -high officials. This pointed, though at first I refused to believe -it, to the vilest abuse of the system set up by the women in their -pathetic attempt to solve the problem of population scientifically. -Far, far better were it had they been content with their refusal to -bear children and to impose chastity upon all without exception, and -to let the race perish. Must the stronger sex always seek to degrade -the weaker? My experience in that house filled me with an ungovernable -hatred of women. The sight of them with the absurdities of their -bodies accentuated by the trousered costumes they had elected to adopt -filled me with scorn and bitter merriment. The smell of them, to which -in my hatred I became morbidly sensitive, made me sick. The sound of -their voices set my teeth on edge. - -Such was my condition when, after three weeks’ training, I was called -before the examination committee. - - -XIV: THE EXAMINATION - -Nothing in all my strange experiences astonished me so much as the lack -of ceremony in this matter of fatherhood. It was approached with a -brutal disinterestedness, a cynical disregard of feeling equalled only -by men of pleasure in other countries. I was filled with rage when I -was introduced to the committee of middle-aged and elderly women and -exposed to their cold scrutiny. First of all I was told to stand at the -end of the hall and repeat the poem of William Christmas. I had been -made to get it by heart, but in my distress I substituted the word Ram -for the word Stallion. The chairwoman rapped angrily on the table. - -“Why do you say Ram for Stallion?” - -I replied: “Because it more aptly describes my condition. There is -nobility in the stallion, but the ram is a foolish beast.” - -There was a consultation, after which the chairwoman bade me approach -and said: - -“Your medical report is excellent but we are afraid you lack mental -simplicity. You are an educated man.” - -“I am an American citizen,” I replied proudly, “and I protest against -the treatment to which I have been subjected.” - -“We know nothing of that,” retorted the chairwoman. “You are before -us as L.D. 8150, recommended for paternal duties and, if passed, to -be entered in the stud-book. Your record since you have been in the -country is a bad one, but points to the possession of a spirit which -for our purposes may be valuable.” - -I said: “You may call me what you like; you may register me in any book -you please, send me where you choose, but I am a married man and will -not oblige you.” - -Then a fury seized me and I shouted: - -“Can you not see that you are driving your people into madness or -disaster, that you will soon be plunged again into barbarism, that your -science is destroying the very spirit of civilisation? I tell you that -even now, as you work and plan and arrange, there is growing a revolt -against you, a revolt so strong that it will ignore you, as life in the -end ignores those who would measure it with a silver rod.” - -The chairwoman smiled as she rejoined: - -“Those are almost identically the words I addressed to the late Prime -Minister of Fatland when, after thirty years of prevarication, he was -persuaded to receive a deputation. I am afraid we must reject you as -a candidate for the duties for which you have been trained. In the -ordinary course you would be put upon your trial and committed to a -severe cross-examination, an art which has been raised by us to the -pitch of perfection. As it is, we are satisfied that you are labouring -under the disadvantage of contamination from a man-governed society and -are probably not guilty of the usual offences which render candidates -unfit. We therefore condemn you as a man of genius, and order you to be -interned in the suburb set apart for that class.” - -I bowed to cover my amazement, a bell was rung, and I was conducted -forth. Outside, meeting another candidate, green with nervousness, -I told him I had been rejected, whereupon he plucked up courage and -asked me how I had managed it. I told him to say Billy-Goat instead of -Stallion. - - -XV: MEN OF GENIUS - -I had not then met Hohlenheim and did not know what a man of genius -was, and for genius I still had a superstitious reverence. Before I -left the committee hall I was given a coloured ribbon to wear across my -breast and a brass button to pin into my hat. On the button was printed -M.G. 1231. What! said I to myself, Over a thousand men of genius in the -country! never dreaming that some of them might be of the same kind as -myself, so obstinate are superstitions and so completely do they hide -the obvious. - -As I passed through the streets of the capital I found that I was the -object of amused contemptuous glances from the women, who walked busily -and purposefully along. There were no shops in the streets, which -were bordered with trees and gardens and seemed to be very well and -skilfully laid out. I was free to go where I liked, or I thought I was, -and I determined not to go to the suburb, but to find a lodging where I -could for a while keep out of trouble and at my leisure discover some -means of getting out of the abominable country. Coming on what looked -like an eating-house, I entered the folding doors, but was immediately -ejected by a diminutive portress. When I explained that I was hungry -she told me to go home. - -I was equally unfortunate at other places, and at last put their unkind -receptions down to my badges. Is this, I thought, how they treat their -men of genius? My applications for lodgings were no more prosperous, -and I was preparing to sleep in the streets when I met an enormously -fat man wearing a ribbon and button like my own. He hailed me as a -comrade, flung his arm round my shoulder and said: “The cold winds of -misfortune may blow through an æolian harp, but they make music. Ah! -Divine music, in paint, in stone, in words, and many other different -materials.” “I beg your pardon,” said I, “but the wind of misfortune is -blowing an infernal hunger through my ribs, and I should be obliged if -you will lead me to a place where I can be fed.” “Gladly, gladly. We -immortals, living and dead, are brothers.” So saying he led me through -a couple of gardens until we came to a village of little red houses -set round a green, in the center of which was a statue. “Christmas!” I -cried. “Christmas it is,” said my guide, “the only statue left in the -country, save in our little community, where the rule is, Every man his -own statue.” - -Community within community! This society in which I was floundering was -like an Indian puzzle-box which you open and open until you come to a -little piece of cane like a slice of a dried pea. - -However, I was too hungry to pursue reflection any further and without -more words followed my companion into one of the little red houses, -where for the first time for many months I was face to face with a -right good meal. Here at any rate were sensible people who had not -forgotten that a man’s first obligation is to his stomach. I ate -feverishly and paid no heed to my companions at table, two little -gentlemen whom at home I would have taken for elderly store-clerks. -When at last I spoke, one of the little gentlemen was very excited to -discover that I was an American. “Can you tell me,” he said, “can you -tell me who are now the best sellers?” - -“What,” I asked, “are they?” - -They looked at each other in dismay. - -“_We_ were best sellers,” they cried in chorus. - -After the meal they brought out volumes of cuttings from the American -newspapers, and I recognised the names of men who had in their works -brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. - -“Do I behold,” I said, “the authors of those delightful books which -have made life sweeter for thousands?” - -They hung their heads modestly, each apparently expecting the other to -speak. At last my fat friend said: - -“Brothers, we will have a bottle of port on this.” - -The port was already decanted and ready to his hand. Over it they -poured out their woes. Publication had stopped in Fatland. There was -no public, and the public of America had been made inaccessible. How -can a man write a book without a public? It would be sheer waste of his -genius. When a man has been paid two hundred dollars for a story he -could not be expected to work for less, could he? I supposed not, and -the little man with the long hair and pointed Elizabethean beard cried -hysterically: - -“But these women, these harpies, expect us to work for their bits of -paper, their drafts on their miserable stores. When they drew up their -confounded statutes they admitted genius: they acknowledged that we -should be useless on farms or in factories. They allowed us this, the -once-famous garden suburb, for our residence and retreat, but they made -us work--work--us, the dreamers of dreams! But what work? The sweet -fruits of our inspiration? No. We have been set to edit the works of -William Christmas, to write the biography of William Christmas, to -prepare the sayings of William Christmas for the young. No Christmas, -no dinner, and there you are. Is such a life tolerable?” - -“No!” cried the fat man. - -“What is more,” continued the indignant one, “we are asked to dwell -among nincompoops who have never had and never could have any -reputation, young men who used to insult us in the newspapers, cranks -and faddists who have never reached the heart of the great public and -are jealous of those who have. And these men are set to work with us in -our drudgery, and they are paid exactly at the same rate. Fortunately -many of them waste their time in writing poetry and drama while we do -their work and make them pay in contributions to our table. Pass the -port, brother.” - -They spent the evening reading aloud from their volumes of press -cuttings, living in the glorious past, while they appealed to me every -now and then for news of the publishing world in America. I invented -the names of best sellers and made my hosts’ mouths water over the -prices I alleged to be then current. They were so pleased with me that -they pressed me to stay with them and to work on the new Concordance of -Christmas. - - -XVI: REVOLUTION - -Work on the Index, I soon found, meant preparing the whole mighty -undertaking, while my three men of genius smoked, ate, drank, slept, -talked, and went a-strolling in the capital. There was this advantage -about being a man of genius that I was free to come and go as and -when I liked, though I was everywhere scoffed at and treated with -good-humoured scorn. I was always liable to insult at the hands of -the high-spirited young women of the capital who held places in the -Government offices and had acquired the insolent manners of a ruling -class. However, I soon learned to recognise the type and to avoid an -encounter, though my poor old friends often came home black and blue. - -There was a great deal more sense in Christmas than I had at first -supposed, and, as I progressed with my work, I saw that what he meant -was very near what Edmund and his father had been at, namely, that -men and women, if only they set about it the right way, can find in -each other the interest, amusement, and imaginative zest to dispel the -boredom which is alone responsible for social calamities. His appeal -had been to men, but he had only reached the ears of women, and they -had hopelessly misunderstood him. They had expected him to have a new -message and had taken his old wisdom for novelty by identifying it with -his personality. He had not taken the precaution to placate the men -of genius of his time. Without a marketable reputation they could not -recognise him. They refused to acknowledge him and drove him into the -strange courses which made him seem to the nerve-ridden women of the -country new, fresh, and Heaven-sent. Certainly he had genius, as my -professional men of genius had it not, and it came into too direct a -contact with the public mind. The smouldering indignation of ages burst -into flame. More and more as I worked I was filled with respect for -this idealist and with pity for the human beings who had followed him -to their undoing. His insight was remarkable, and I made a collection -of his works to take back with me to America, if I should ever go there. - -I stayed in the Suburb of Genius for a couple of years, very pleased -to be away from the women, and among people many of whom were amusing. -There were painters and sculptors, who spent their time making -Christmas portraits and effigies, cursing like sailors as they worked. -Very good company some of these men, and most ingenious in their shifts -and devices to dodge the rules and regulations with which they were -hemmed in. Some of them had smuggled women into their houses and lived -in a very charming domesticity. I envied them and was filled with -longing for my home. - -One day as I was at my work I came on an unpublished manuscript of -Christmas. It contained a poem which I liked and a saying which fired -me. This was the poem: - - “The woman’s spirit kindles man’s desire, - And both are burned up by a quenchless fire. - Let but the woman set her spirit free, - Then it is man’s unto eternity. - It is a world within his hands, and there - They two may dwell encircled in a square.” - -I could never quite make sense of it, but it seized my imagination as -nonsense sometimes will, and prepared it for the convulsion which was -to happen. - -This was the saying: - -“There will come one after me who shall build where I have destroyed, -and he shall capture the flame wherewith I have burned away the dying -thoughts of men.” - -The words haunted me. They were in none of the Christmas books, nor in -the biography. I inserted it in the Concordance and in a new edition -of the Speeches, on my own responsibility and without saying a word to -my employers. There might or might not be trouble, but I knew that the -Chairwoman of the Governing Committee was a vain old creature and would -take the words to mean herself. To my mind they pointed straight to -Edmund. I knew that his cause was gaining ground and that, if I could -gain sufficient publicity for the saying, his following would be vastly -increased. - -I was on good terms with the chief of the publishing department and was -able to persuade her to announce that the new edition of the Speeches -was the only one authorised by the Governing Committee; all others to -be called in. The success of my trick exceeded all my dreams. There was -something like an exodus from the capital. - -I met my dear Audrey one day. She had come to spy out the land. Her -news was glorious. For miles round the once ruined city the farms were -occupied with happy men and women working together to supply food for -the towns, which in return furnished their wants from its workshops, -which the toilers filled with song as they worked. The fame of it was -everywhere growing. Other ruined cities had been occupied. Two of the -great nunneries were deserted. Edmund with a great company of young men -had taken possession of a town by the sea and opened the harbour and -released the ships. - -“Ships!” I said. “There are ships sailing on the sea!” - -That settled it. No more men of genius for me. That night I spent -in chalking up the saying of William Christmas on the walls of the -capital. The next morning I was with Audrey wandering about the -streets, hearing Edmund’s name on all lips, and then, satisfied that -all would be well, I made for the sea-board. - -It was good to see America again, but I suffered there as acutely as -I had done in Fatland. I had been among women who, if misguided, were -free. My dear wife and I could never understand one another and she -died within a very few years after my return of a broken heart. I -thought I could not survive her, and should not have done but for my -fortunate encounter with Hohlenheim, who could understand my loathing -of woman in Fatland, of man in America, draw it up into his own -matchless imagination and distil the passion of it into beauty. - - - - -Out of Work - - -I: MR. BLY’S HEART BREAKS - -In a little house, one of many such houses, in a town, one of many such -towns in Fatland, sat Nicholas Bly, a small stationer and newsagent, -by the bedside of his wife. She said: “Ain’t I thin, Nick?” and again -she said: “My hair is only half what it was.” And he said: “It’s very -pretty hair.” She smiled and took his hand in hers and she died. When -Nicholas Bly was quite sure that she was dead, when he could believe -that she was dead, he did not weep, for there were no tears in his -eyes. He said nothing, for there were no words in his mind. He felt -nothing, for his heart was breaking, and so little was he alive that -he did not know it. His wife was dead, his two children were dead, his -shop was closed, and he had two shillings in the world, and they were -borrowed. - -He went out into the street and when he saw a well-fed man he hated -him: and when he saw a thin hungry man he despised him; on returning -to his house he found there a Doctor and a Parson. The Doctor said his -wife had died of something with two long Latin names. - -“She starved,” said Nicholas Bly. - -The Parson said something about the will and the love of God. - -“The devil’s took her,” said Nicholas Bly. - -The Parson cast up his eyes and exhorted the blasphemer to seek comfort -in duty and distraction in hard work. - -“I’m out of work,” said Nicholas Bly; “the devil’s took my work and my -wife and my two children. Hell’s full up and overflowed into this ’ere -town and this ’ere street. We must fight the devil with fire and bloody -murders.” - -The Parson and the Doctor agreed that the poor fellow was mad. - - -II: MR. BLY IS IMPRISONED - -Nicholas Bly’s stomach was full of emptiness, the heat of his blood -parched his brains, and his sleep was crowded with huddling bad dreams. -He ate crusts and cabbage stalks picked up out of the gutter, and when -he was near mad with thirst he snatched beer jugs from children as they -turned into the entries leading to their houses. His days he spent -looking for the devil. Three nights he spent moving from one square -with seats round it to another, and on the fourth night he heard of a -brick-field where there was some warmth. He slept there that night and -was arrested. The magistrate said: - -“I am satisfied that you are a thoroughly worthless character, an -incurable vagabond, and if not yet a danger, a nuisance to society....” - -(The magistrate said a great deal more. He was newly appointed and -needed to persuade himself of his dignity by talk.) - -Nicholas Bly was sent to prison. - - -III: THE DARK GENTLEMAN - -When he left the prison Nicholas Bly realised that he had legs to walk -with but nowhere to go, hands to work with but nothing to do, a brain -to think with but never a thought. He was almost startled to find -himself utterly alone, and his loneliness drove him into a hot rage. In -prison he had thought vaguely of the world as a warm place outside, to -which in the course of days he would return. Now that he had returned -the world had nothing to do with him and he had nothing to do with it. -He prowled through the streets, but a sort of pride forbade him to -eat the cabbage stalks and crusts of the gutters, and to rob children -of their parents’ beer he was ashamed. He looked for work, but was -everywhere refused, and he said to himself: - -“Prison is the best the world can do for men like me.” - -But he was determined to give the world a better reason for putting him -in prison than sleeping in a brick-field because it was warm. The world -was cold. He would make it warm. The devil was in the world: he would -burn him out, use his own element against him. - -He chose the largest timber-yard he could find, and that night he stole -a can of petrol, and when he had placed it in a heap of shavings went -out into the street to find some matches. He met a seedy individual in -a coat with a fur collar and a broad-brimmed hat, who looked like an -actor, and he asked him if he could oblige him with a match. - -“Lucifers,” said the seedy individual and gave him three. - -Nicholas Bly returned to the timber-yard with the matches. He struck -one. It went off like a rocket. The second exploded like a Chinese -cracker, and he was just lighting the third when he heard a melancholy -chuckle. He turned his head and found the seedy individual gazing at -him with an expression of wistfulness. - -“Like old times,” said the seedy individual. - -Nicholas Bly lit the third match and it flooded the whole yard with -Bengal light, and still he had not set fire to his petrol. - -“Gimme another match,” said Nicholas Bly; “watch me set fire to the -yard and go and tell.” - -“I have no more,” replied the stranger. “Those were my last. I no -longer make fire or instruments of fire. No one wants my tricks. I have -lost everything and am doomed.” - -“I have lost my wife, my children and my work.” - -“I have lost my kingdom, my power and my glory.” - -“The devil took them,” answered Nicholas Bly. - -“I wish I had,” replied the stranger. - - -IV: THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S STORY - -Nicholas Bly fetched a screech loud enough to wake a whole parish. The -dark gentleman pounced on him firmly and gagged him with his hand, and -his fingers burnt into the newsagent’s cheek. - -“Be silent,” said the dark gentleman, “you’ll have them coming and -taking you away from me. Will you be silent?” - -Nicholas Bly nodded to say he would be silent. Then he said: - -“If you didn’t take them, who did?” - -“Jah!” said the devil, for the dark gentleman was no other. “Jah took -them. Jah does everything now, at least I am forced to the conclusion -that he does, since I find everything going on much the same. I knew -how it would be. I knew he would find it dull only dealing with -virtuous people. It was very sudden. I was deposed without any notice -just in the middle of the busiest time I’d had for centuries. I have -had a horrible time. No one believed in me. For years now I have only -been used to frighten children, and have occasionally been allowed to -slip into their dreams. You must agree that it is galling for one who -has lived on the fat of human faith--for in the good old days I had far -more souls than Jah. I haven’t been in a grown man’s mind for years -until I found yours open to me.” - -“I don’t know about that,” said Nicholas Bly. “I want my wife. I want -my two children. I want my work.” - -“Anything may be possible if you will believe in me.” - -“I’ll believe in anything, I’d go to Hell if I could get them back.” - - -“There is no Hell,” said the devil. - - -V: COGITATION - -This was a little difficult for Nicholas Bly. For a long time they sat -brooding in the darkness of the timber-yard. Then said Nicholas Bly: - -“Seeing’s believing. I see you. I believe in you. You’re the first -critter that’s spoke to me honest and kindly this many a long day. You -seem to be worse off than I am. We’re mates.” - -“Thank you,” said the devil. “In the old days I used to offer those who -believed in me women, wine, song and riches. But now we shall have to -see what we can do.” - -“I want to spite that there Jah.” - -“We will do our best,” said the devil. - -With that they rose to their feet, and as they left the timber-yard the -devil shook a spark out of his tail on to the petrol, so that they had -not gone above a mile when the wood was ablaze and they could see the -red glow of the fire against the sky. - - -VI: CONFLAGRATION - -Gleefully the devil took Mr. Bly back to watch the blaze, and they were -huddled and squeezed and pressed in the crowd. A fat woman took a -fancy to the devil and put her arm round his waist. - -“Where are you living, old dear?” she said. - -“You leave my pal alone,” said Nicholas Bly. - -But the devil gave her a smacking kiss, and she slapped his face and -giggled, saying: - -“Geeh! That was a warm one that was.” - -And she persisted until the devil had confessed his name to be Mr. -Nicodemus. Then she said she had a snug little room in her house which -he could have--his pal too if they were not to be separated. - -Mr. Bly demurred, but Mr. Nicodemus said: - -“You can only get at Jah through the women.” - -So they pursued the adventure and went home with the fat woman, but -when she reached her parlour she plumped down on her knees and said -her prayers, and the devil vanished, and she was so enraged that she -swept Nicholas Bly out with her broom. He hammered on her door and -told her why his friend had vanished, and that if she would say her -prayers backward he would return. She said her prayers backwards and -Mr. Nicodemus returned. - - -VII: TIB STREET - -The fat woman’s name was Mrs. Martin, and when she found that her -beloved had a tail she was not at all put out, but to avoid scandal, -cut it off. - -All the same there was a scandal, for the fascination of Mr. Nicodemus -was irresistible, and the house was always full of women, and whenever -he went out he was followed by a herd of them. Mrs. Martin was jealous, -Mr. Bly sulked and Mr. Nicodemus had a busy time placating indignant -husbands and lovers. Not a house in Tib street but was in a state of -upheaval. The men sought consolation in drink, and presently there was -hardly one who had retained his work. - -“We are getting on,” said Mr. Nicodemus. “We are getting on. In the -good old times men left their work to follow me, and it used to be a -favourite device of mine to make their work seem so repulsive to them -that they preferred thieving or fighting or even suffering to it. If we -end as we have begun, then Jah will be as isolated as you and I have -been.” - -And he chuckled in triumph and bussed Mrs. Martin. - -“That,” said she, “reminds me of Martin; and he was a oner, he was. -That’s worth anything to me.” - -With that the good creature bustled off to arrange for a week’s charing -to keep her lodgers in food. - -Shortlived, however was the triumph of Mr. Nicodemus, for, with the -women neglecting their homes and the men their work, the children -sickened and died, and no day passed but two or three little coffins -were taken to the cemetery. And in their grief the women remembered -Jah, and went to church to appease His wrath. The men were sobered and -returned to work, but at wages punitively reduced, so that their last -state was worse than their first, for the women were now devoted to Jah -and the children were empty and their bellies were pinched. - -Nicholas Bly cursed Jah. The sight of the little coffins being taken -out of Tib Street reminded him of his own children and he went near mad -and vowed that Jah was taking them because He was a jealous God, one -who had taken Hell from the devil and their children from men in the -purblindness of His fury. - -And he began to preach at the corner of Tib Street. - - -VIII: MR. BLY’S SERMON - -He said: - -“There are many filthy streets in this town, but this is the filthiest. -Who made it filthy? Jah! It is the nature of man to love his wife and -his children, to dwell with them in peace and loving-kindness. But for -all his love, wherewith shall a man feed his wife and children? What -clothing shall he give them? What shelter find for them? Go you into -this street and look into the houses. You will find crumbling walls, -broken stairs, windows stuffed with clouts: you will find bare shelves -and cupboards: you will find dead children with never so much as a -whole shroud among them. You will say that perhaps they are better -dead, but I say unto you that if a man’s children be dead wherewith -shall he feed his love? And without a full love in his heart how shall -a man work or live or die? Are we born only to die? And if life ends -in death what matters it how life be lived? But, I say unto you, that -because life ends in death a man must see to it that all his days are -filled with love, which is beauty, which is truth. And I say unto you -when your eyes are filled and bleeding with the pain of the sights -you shall see here, go out into the fields and to the hills and the -great waters and see the sun rise and shed his light and go down and -cast his light upon the moon, and draw vapour from the earth and bring -it again in the rain; and feel the wind upon your faces, and see the -sodden air hang upon the earth until the coming of the storm to cleanse -its foulness: and do you mark the flight of the birds, the nesting of -the birds, the happy fish in the waters, the slow beasts in the fields: -observe the growth of trees and plants, and grasses and corn. Then you -shall know the richness of love among the creatures that know not Jah. -They die and are visited with sickness even as we, but theirs is a free -life and a free death unconfined by any sickness of the mind or tyranny -of Gods and Demons. We alone among creatures are cheated of our desires -and perish for the want of food amid plenty, and are cut off each from -his full share of the abounding love of the world. Who takes our share? -Jah! Who kills our love? Jah! Who filches the best of our thoughts, the -keenest sap of our courage? Who fills our lives and homes with darkness -and despair, and meanness and emptiness? Jah! I know not who Jah is, -nor whence He came, but I will dethrone Him.” - - -IX: THE EFFECT OF MR. BLY’S SERMON - -Street oratory was at that time very common, but there was a note in -Mr. Bly’s eloquence which attracted many of the inhabitants of the -district, especially the young, and he achieved a certain fame. No -one knew exactly what he was talking about, for, except for expletive -purposes, the word Jah had dropped out of the vernacular. Mr. Bly -was assumed to be some kind of politician, and he was certainly more -exciting than most. Therefore his audiences were twice as large as -those of any other speaker. Seeing this, a Labour Agitator came to -him and offered him a place on his committee and a pound a week as a -lecturer. - -“I can speak about nothing but Jah,” said Mr. Bly. - -“Speak about anything you like so long as you catch their ears,” said -the agitator. - -So Mr. Bly accepted the offer. - - -X: THE WIDOW MARTIN - -When Mr. Bly told his infernal companion of his engagement Mr. -Nicodemus said: - -“Talking is a very human way of creating a disturbance. My way and -Jah’s way is the way of corruption. We unseat the mind and poison the -soul with unsatisfiable desires. But if you wish it I will go with you. -We have lit a fire in Tib Street that will burn itself out without us.” - -“I should like your company,” replied Mr. Bly. “It helps me to be -reminded that Jah has been unjust to more than human beings. It -redoubles my fury and kindles my eloquence. I am determined to earn my -pound a week and drive Jah out of the land.” - -The devil began to draw on his shabby fur coat. Mrs. Martin had been -listening to their conversation. She burst in upon them and vowed that -her Nick should never, never leave her. With horrible callousness Mr. -Nicodemus told her that he was pledged to Mr. Bly, and asked her for -his tail. She refused to give it up, and was so stubborn that, at last, -after they had argued with her, and pleaded and stormed, and bribed -and bullied, she said she would produce his tail if she might go with -them; and they consented, for Mr. Nicodemus said that if he were ever -returned to power he would be in need of his tail, and indeed would be -a ridiculous object without it, his system of damnation being supported -by tradition and symbol and ritual. - -They had a merry supper-party, and that night took train for the town -appointed for Mr. Bly’s first appearance on a political platform. - - -XI: MAKING A STIR - -Where other politicians dealt in statistics, which, after all, are but -an intellectual excitement, a kind of mental cats’-cradle, our orator -sounded three notes: he appealed to a man’s love of women, his love of -children, and led his audience on to hatred of Jah. To the first two -they responded, were persuaded that they were as he said, cheated and -betrayed, and, though they could not follow him further without losing -their heads, they lost them and were filled with hatred. And as Mr. -Bly never made any reference either to Government or Opposition his -speeches were reported in the newspapers on both sides, and aroused -the greatest interest through the country. The well-to-do found -breakfast insipid without his utterances, and, to support him, they -subscribed largely to the funds of the organisation which promoted his -efforts. His salary was raised to two pounds a week on the day when a -Conservative organ published his portrait and a leading article on the -golden sincerity of the Working Classes. - - -XII: MAKING A STIRABOUT - -Where other orators damned everything from sewing cotton to -battleships, and so could not avoid giving offence, Mr. Bly damned only -Jah and hurt nobody’s feelings. But he produced an effect. He laid -every grievance at Jah’s door, and roused so much enthusiasm that at -last he began to believe in his power. - -It is not often that the people find a leader, and when they do they -expect him to lead. They were impatient for Mr. Bly to reveal to them a -line of action, and here he was puzzled. It was one thing (he found) to -talk about Jah, another to bring Jah to book. He had no other machinery -than that of the Labour Agitators, who had been making elaborate -preparations for a strike. Their preparations were excellent, but their -followers were reluctant. They could provide them with no adequate -motive. In vain did they talk of the dawn of Labour, the Rights of the -Worker, and a Place in the Sun; to all these the people preferred the -prospect of pay on Saturday. Nothing could stir them, until, at last, -at one of Mr. Bly’s meetings when he was being hailed as a leader and -implored to lead, and at his wit’s end what to do, upon a whisper from -behind, he said: - -“Strike! Strike against Jah! You are workers! Why do you work? To feed -your children. Your children die. Strike, I say, strike while the -iron is hot, the iron that has entered into your souls from the cruel -tyranny of Jah! There is no other enemy. You have no other foe....” - -He did not need to say more. The fat was in the fire. - - -XIII. SPARKS FLYING - -The fat crackled and sputtered. In thirty-six hours the business of -the town was at a standstill, and by that time Mr. Bly had visited -three other towns, and they too succumbed to his passion. At every town -he visited he was welcomed with brass bands and red carpets, and his -orders were obeyed. The Labour Agitators of the neighbouring countries -desired his services and cabled for him, and he promised to go as soon -as Jah was driven out of Fatland. - -The strikes were begun in feasting and merrymaking, and things were -done that delighted Mr. Nicodemus and the widow Martin’s heart: - -“The men are becoming quite themselves again.” - -And Mr. Nicodemus gazed upon it all and sighed: - -“Ah! If only Hell were open!” - -The widow Martin gazed upon him voluptuously and muttered: - -“It would be just ’Eaven to keep that public you’re always talking -about for ever and ever with you.” - - -XIV: SMOULDERING - -The strikers soon came to grips with want and the very poor were -brought to starvation. Only the more fiercely for that did their -passion glow. They forgot all about Mr. Bly and Jah: they were only -determined not to give in. They knew not wherefore they were fighting, -and were savagely resolved not to return to their old ways without some -palpable change. Forces and emotions had been stirred which led them to -look for a miracle, and without the miracle they preferred to die. The -miracle did not come and many of them died. - - -XV: SUCCOUR - -With a moderate but assured income the Fattish are humane, that is to -say, they grope like shadows through life and shun the impenetrable -shadow of death. They shuddered to think of the very poor dying with -their eyes gazing forward for the miracle that never came, and they -said: - -“To think of their finding no miracle but death! It is too horrible. -Can such things be in Fatland? Why don’t we do something?” - -So they formed committees and wrote to the newspapers and started -various funds; and they invited Mr. Bly to lecture in aid of them. - -He came to Bondon, lectured, and became the fashion. He discovered to -his amazement that there were rich people in Fatland, and these rich -people formed Anti-Jah societies. Enormous sums of money were collected -for the strikers, because the rich were so delighted to be amused. Mr. -Bly amused them enormously. Mr. Nicodemus gave a course of lectures -on the Kingdom from which Jah had deposed him, and Mrs. Martin held -meetings for women only, to expound her views of men. For years the -rich people had not been so vastly entertained, and they poured out -money for the strikers. - -Unfortunately their subscriptions could buy little else for the very -poor but coffins, and of them the supply soon came to an end. - -Famine and pestilence stalked abroad, but only the more fiercely -did Mr. Bly urge the destruction of Jah, and the more blindly and -desperately did the starving poor of Fatland look for the miracle. - -But soon not only were the poor starving, but the comfortable, the -tradespeople, the professional classes, the humane persons with -moderate but assured incomes were faced with want. Rats were now five -shillings a brace, and a nest of baby mice was known to fetch four -shillings. - -When the rich found their meals were costing them more than a pound a -head then they forgot their craze and Mr. Bly, and Mr. Nicodemus and -the widow Martin withdrew from Bondon. Mr. Bly was no longer reported -in the newspapers. His name had become offensive, the bloom had gone -from his novelty, the varnish from his reputation, and the sting out of -his power. - -In all the towns gaunt spectre-like men began to sneak back to work, -and Mr. Bly was nigh frenzied with rage, disgust and despair. - -“It is Jah!” he said. “It is Jah. He has crept into the hearts of men. -He has stirred their minds against me. Oh! my grief. He has used me to -bring men lower yet, so that they will live in viler dwellings, and eat -of fouler food, and be more meanly clad, more verminous than ever. The -women will be lower sluts and shrews than they have ever been, and of -their children it will be hard to see how they can ever grow into men -and women. Deeper and deeper into the pit has Jah brought us, and there -is now no hope.” - -And in his agony he remembered how in his childhood he had been taught -to pray to Jah, and he knelt and prayed that he might come face to -face with Jah, to tell Him what He had done, and to implore Him to -make an end of His cruelty and to destroy all at once. - -Hearing him pray Mr. Nicodemus fled from his side and left him alone -with the Widow Martin. Said she: - -“Don’t take on so, dearie. A man’s no call to take on so when he has a -woman by his side. There’s nothing else in the nature of things, but -men and women only. If we starve, we starve: and if we die, we die, -it’s all one. Have done, I say, there’s always room for a bit o’ fun.” - -“Fun!” cried Mr. Bly. - -And the comfortable creature took his head to her bosom, and there he -sobbed out his grief. - - -XVI: ON THE ROAD - -So the strike ended, and Nicholas Bly walked from town to town marking -its effects. It was as he had foreseen, and men were lower than before, -and every night he prayed that he might meet Jah to curse Him to His -face. For days on end he would utter never a word, but the widow Martin -stayed with him and saw that he ate and drank, stealing, begging, -wheedling, selling herself to get him food. She would say: - -“It’s not like Mr. Nicodemus. There’s very little fun in him, but a -woman doesn’t care for fun when she’s sorry for a man.” - -He was a grim sight now, was Nicholas Bly. His ragged clothes hung and -flapped on him as on a scarecrow. His cheeks were sunken and patched -with a dirty grey stubble. His eyes glared feverishly out of red -sockets, and they seemed to see nothing but to be asking for a sight -of something. There was a sort of film on them, but the light in the -man shone through it. His shoulders were bowed and his thin arms hung -limply by his side, but always his face was upturned, and he shook as -he walked, like a flame. - -The malady in him drove him to the heights. His desire was to be near -the sky. Presently he forsook the towns and went from one range of -hills to another seeking the highest in Fatland. - -At last after many days he reached the highest hill, and there he lay -flat on his face and would neither eat nor drink. By his side sat -the widow Martin, and she made certain that he was going to die, and -produced two pennies to lay upon his eyelids when death should come. - -On the third day he turned over on his back and said: - -“Jah is coming.” - -And it was so. - -Up the steep path came a man with a great beard and a huge nose and -eyes that twinkled with the light of merriment and shone with the -tenderness of irony, and blazed with the fire of genius. By his side -walked a slim dark figure, and with a joyful cry the widow Martin -declared it to be Mr. Nicodemus. - -Nicholas Bly sat up and began to rehearse all the curses that in his -bitterness he had prepared. - - -XVII: JAH - -He began: - -“By the dead bodies of the children of men; by the plagues and diseases -of the bodies of women; by the festering----” - -Very quietly Jah took His seat by his side and motioned to Mr. -Nicodemus to take up his position in front of them. In a voice of the -most musical sweetness and with a rich full diction He said: - -“As we made the ascent I was expostulating with my friend here for -the absurdity of his attempt to reinstate himself in the world. There -is no Hell. Neither is there a Heaven. These places live by faith as -we have done. It is a little difficult for us to understand, but we -have no occasion for resentment. Separately it is impossible for us to -understand. My meeting with my dark friend here led me a little way on -the road towards a solution. The four of us may arrive at something.” - -The widow Martin scanned Jah closely: - -“You’ve been a fine man in your time.” - -“I have never been a man,” replied Jah sadly. “Nor have I been able -to play my part in human affairs. Like my friend here I have been an -exile. I have been forced to dwell in the mists of superstition, even -as he has been confined in the dark depths of lust. Until now I never -understood our interdependence. I am the imagination of man. He is -man’s passion. Together we can bring about the release of love in his -soul. Separately we can do nothing to break his folly, his stupidity, -his brutality, his vain selfishness. Without us he can be inquisitive -and clever, vigorous and energetic, but he remains insensible, unjust, -cruel and cowardly.” - -And Nicholas Bly roused himself and he seemed to grow, and the film -fell from his eyes and he cried: - -“Blessed be Jah, blessed be Nicodemus, blessed be man and the heart of -man, blessed be woman and the love of woman, blessed be life, blessed -be death!” - -So saying he rose to his feet. Before his face the sun was sinking in -the evening glory: behind him the moon rose. - - -XVIII: JAH SPEAKS - -A great wind blew through Nicholas Bly’s hair and he bowed his head in -acceptance of the wonder of the universe. - -As the moon rose to her zenith Jah said: - -“There are Wonders beyond me and God is beyond imagination. My dwelling -is in the mind of men, but I have been driven therefrom. My friend here -should dwell in the heart of man, but he has been unseated. Together we -should win for man his due share of the world’s dominion and power, and -should be his sweetest stops in the instrument of life. For without us -is no joy, and with us joy is fierce. I speak, of the woman also, for -she is the equal of man and his comrade.” - -And as the moon was sinking to the west Jah said: - -“We have suffered too long, and we have brought forth nothing. Let us -no longer be separate, but let us, man, woman, God and Devil, join -together to bring forth joy, for until there is joy on earth there -shall not be justice, nor kindness, nor understanding, nor any good -thing. We are but one spirit, for the spirit is one, and none but the -undivided spirit can see the light of the sun.” - -Even as he spoke the sun came up in his majesty, dwarfing the mighty -hills, and Nicholas Bly raised his head and saw Nicodemus in the -likeness of a lusty young man, fine and splendid in his desire, and Jah -in the shape of a winged boy. And as he saw them they disappeared, and -he said: - -“They have vanished into the air.” - -From the scarred hillside came an echo: - -“Into the air.” - - -XIX: SONG - -Then did Nicholas Bly sing: - - “I have lived, I have loved, I have died, - And my spirit has burned like a flame; - In the furnace of life my soul has been tried, - I have dwindled to ashes of shame. - - I have glowed to the winds of my own desire, - I have flickered and flared and roared, - Through the endless night has flashed my delight - To declare my joy in the Lord. - - For the Lord is life and I am His, - And His are my shame and my pride. - My song is His: my Lord sings this: - I have lived, I have loved, I have died.” - - -XX: MORNING - -Waking, the woman said: - -“How is it with you, my man?” - -He answered: - -“I feel truly that I am a man.” - -Gazing upon the woman, he saw that she was beautiful. - - -XXI: HOPE - -They came down from the hills, and a mist descended upon them, and -presently a driving rain. They were glad of each other, and smiled -their joy upon all whom they met. Nicholas Bly never ceased to make -songs, and as he sang the woman laughed merrily. The songs he made he -sang to many men, but none would listen except the drunken man in the -public-houses. - -One day a very drunken man asked Nicholas Bly to sing a song again, and -he refused, because he wished to sing a better song. The man offered -him a mug of beer to sing again, but he refused, saying: - -“I do not sing for hire.” - -The man despised him and drank the beer himself, saying: - -“It’s a silly kind of sod will sing for nothing.” - -And he would hear no more. - -So it was everywhere. None could understand that Nicholas Bly should -sing for the delight of it or that there could be a joy to set him -singing. In the end, and that soon, his heart broke and he died, and -Fatland is as it is. - -Mr. Nicodemus and Jah were never seen again, nor in Fatland is there -trace or memory of them. - -But within the womb of the woman was the child of her man, so that she -gazed in upon herself with a great hope. In this she was so absorbed -that the insensibility of the Fattish moved her not at all and she -forgot to apply for her maternity benefit. - - - THE END OF - WINDMILLS - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES: - - - Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - - Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - - Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been standardized. - - Archaic or variant spelling has been retained. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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