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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c16ff2b --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #68479 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/68479) diff --git a/old/68479-0.txt b/old/68479-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 18c9858..0000000 --- a/old/68479-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5214 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Windmills, by Gilbert Cannan - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Windmills - A book of fables - -Author: Gilbert Cannan - -Release Date: July 8, 2022 [eBook #68479] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS *** - - -[Illustration: Windmills - -Gilbert Cannan] - - - - - WINDMILLS - - A BOOK OF FABLES - - BY - GILBERT CANNAN - - [Illustration] - - NEW YORK B. W. HUEBSCH, INC. MCMXX - - - - - COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY - B. W. HUEBSCH, INC. - - PRINTED IN U. S. A. - - - - - TO - D. H. LAWRENCE - - - - - ... _a huge terrible monster, called Moulinavent, who, with four - strong arms, waged eternal battle with all their divinities, - dexterously turning to avoid their blows, and repay them with - interest._ - - A TALE OF A TUB - - - - - -CONTENTS - - - SAMWAYS ISLAND, 1 - - I TITTIKER, 3 - - II THE BISHOP, 5 - - III ARABELLA, 7 - - IV THE SKITISH NAVY, 10 - - V CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS, 15 - - VI HOSTILITIES, 16 - - VII SIEBENHAAR, 18 - - VIII MORE OF SIEBENHAAR, 22 - - IX SIEBENHAAR ON WOMEN, 24 - - X LOVE, 26 - - XI MUSIC, 26 - - XII ADRIFT, 29 - - XIII HUNGER, 31 - - XIV MILITARY, 31 - - XV NAVAL, 37 - - XVI NATIONAL, 38 - - XVII REUNION, 41 - - XVIII BETROTHAL, 42 - - XIX REACTION, 44 - - XX HOME, 46 - - - ULTIMUS, 49 - - I THE SON OF HIS FATHER, 51 - - II QUESTIONS, 53 - - III CIVILISATION, 57 - - IV WAR AND WOMEN, 62 - - V WIRELESS, 65 - - VI BICH IS OBSTINATE, 67 - - VII PLANS, 72 - - VIII IN FATTISH WATERS, 74 - - IX AN AFTERNOON CALL, 77 - - X THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, 80 - - XI HIGH POLITICS, 82 - - XII THE PUBLIC, 87 - - XIII THE EMPEROR, 89 - - XIV WAR, 93 - - XV SIEBENHAAR ON SOCIETY, 97 - - XVI PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS, 98 - - XVII PEACE, 102 - - XVIII THE RETURN OF THE ISLAND, 104 - - - GYNECOLOGIA, 107 - - I HISTORY, 109 - - II CASTAWAY, 112 - - III MY CAPTOR, 114 - - IV THE CHANGE, 117 - - V THE HOMESTEAD, 121 - - VI OBSEQUIES, 124 - - VII SLAVERY, 127 - - VIII A STRANGE WOOING, 128 - - IX THE RUINED CITY, 130 - - X THE OUTLAWS, 132 - - XI EDMUND, 135 - - XII THE NUNNERY, 138 - - XIII IN THE CAPITAL, 142 - - XIV THE EXAMINATION, 146 - - XV MEN OF GENIUS, 149 - - XVI REVOLUTION, 153 - - - OUT OF WORK, 159 - - I MR. BLY’S HEART BREAKS, 161 - - II MR. BLY IS IMPRISONED, 162 - - III THE DARK GENTLEMAN, 163 - - IV THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S STORY, 165 - - V COGITATION, 167 - - VI CONFLAGRATION, 167 - - VII TIB STREET, 169 - - VIII MR. BLY’S SERMON, 171 - - IX THE EFFECT OF MR. BLY’S SERMON, 173 - - X THE WIDOW MARTIN, 173 - - XI MAKING A STIR, 175 - - XII MAKING A STIRABOUT, 176 - - XIII SPARKS FLYING, 177 - - XIV SMOULDERING, 178 - - XV SUCCOUR, 178 - - XVI ON THE ROAD, 181 - - XVII JAH, 183 - - XVIII JAH SPEAKS, 185 - - XIX SONG, 186 - - XX MORNING, 187 - - XXI HOPE, 187 - - - - -PREFACE TO AMERICAN EDITION - - -Prophecy of an event is unlikely to be interesting after it and this -may be the reason why my prophetic utterances regarding the Great War -took the form of Satire. The first of these fables has a history. It -was published originally in London as a little orange-covered booklet, -called Old Mole’s Novel and it was issued simultaneously with Old Mole, -a character to whom I was so attached that it gave me great pleasure -to attribute authorship to him. Only a small edition was printed and -it soon ran out of print. A copy of it reached Germany and fell into -the hands of a group of young men who were incensed by the nonsense -the high-born Generals and Admirals were talking in the Reichstag and -I received enthusiastic letters asking for more so that these caustic -prophecies might circulate in Germany and serve as an antidote. That -was more encouragement than I had received in England and so, for my -German friends, who had the advantage of living under a frank and not a -veiled Junkerdom, I composed the remaining fables and finished them a -few months before the outbreak of war. The translation was proceeded -with but so far as I know the book was never issued in Germany. It -appeared in England early in 1915 and this intensely patriotic effort -of mine was condemned as unpatriotic because we had already caught the -German trick of talking of war as holy. It sold not at all in its first -expensive edition because it was not a novel, nor an essay, nor a play -and the British public had no training in Satire, but I have since had -letters from both soldiers and conscientious objectors saying that -the book was their constant companion and solace, and I have recently -learned that in a certain division of the British Army it was declared -to be a court-martial offense for any officer to have the book in his -possession, presumably on the principle that the soldier must not read -anything which his superiors cannot understand. That of course was good -for the sale of the book and the cheap edition also ran out of print -just about the time when the shortage of paper produced a crisis in the -affairs of authors and publishers. - -The book was useful to me when the time came as evidence that my -objection to war was not an objection to personal discomfort, the -element of danger, owing to my ill health, not arising as a point at -issue, though that would not have made any difference to my position. -My objection to war is that it does not do what its advocates say it -does, and that no good cause can be served by it. Good causes can only -be served by patience, endurance, sympathy, understanding, mind and -will. - -The attempt to remove militarism and military conceptions from among -human preoccupations is a good cause and that I will serve with the -only weapon I know how to use--the pen, which they say is mightier than -the sword or even the howitzer. Having applied myself to this service -before the outbreak of the Great War, which for me began in 1911, I was -not to be diverted from it by the panic confusion of those who were -overtaken by the calamity rather than prepared for it. With Windmills, -my essay on Satire, my critical study of Samuel Butler, the Interlude -in Old Mole, I was an active participant in the Great War before it -began, but of course no one pays any attention to a prophet, especially -when he is enough of an artist to desire to give his prophecy permanent -form. That indeed was my mistake. Had I thundered in the accents of -Horatio Bottomley instead of clipping my sentences to the mocking -murmur of satire I might have been a hero to some one else’s valet, not -having one of my own. Peace has her Bottomleys no less renowned than -war, but I am afraid I am not among their number, for I have long since -returned to the serious business of life, the composition of dramatic -works, and I am in the position that most ensures unpopularity, that -of being able to say ‘I told you so.’ - -I am a little alarmed when I consider how closely the Great War -followed my prophecy of it and turn to the fables, Gynecologia and -Out of Work, which follow logically from the other. A world governed -by women as lopsidedly as it has been by men would be much like that -depicted here, and the final collapse, if it came, would surely follow -the lines indicated in Out of Work. None of us knows exactly of what we -are a portent and who can imagine to what Lady Astor’s flight into fame -may lead? If I had not already dedicated this book to my friend D. H. -Lawrence I would, without her permission, inscribe upon it the name of -the first woman to take her Seat in the worst club in London, the House -of Commons. - - GILBERT CANNAN. - -New York, 1919. - - - - -Samways Island - - -I: TITTIKER - -George Samways awoke one night with a vague distressful feeling that -all was not well with his island. The moon was shining, but it was -casting the shadow of the palm tree in which he slept over the hollow -wherein he cooked his meals, and that had never happened before. - -He was alarmed and climbed down his palm tree and ran to the tall hill -from which he was accustomed to observe the sea and the land that -floated blue on the edge of the sea. The ascent seemed longer than -usual, and when he reached the summit he was horrified to find a still -higher peak before him. At this sight he was overcome with emotion and -lay upon the earth and sobbed. When he could sob no more he rose to his -feet and dragged himself to the top of the furthest peak and gazed out -upon an empty sea. The moon was very bright. There was no land upon the -edge of the sea. He raised his eyes heavenwards. The stars were moving. -He looked round upon his island. It was shrunk, and the forests were -uprooted and the little lake at the foot of the hill had disappeared. -Before and behind his island the sea was churned and tumbled, as it -was when he pressed his hands against the little waves when he went -into the water to cleanse himself. - -And now a wind came and a storm arose; rain came beating, and he -hastened back to the hole in the ground he had dug for himself against -foul weather. Then, knowing that he would not sleep, he lit his lamp of -turtle oil and pith and read _Tittiker_. - -_Tittiker_ was the book left to him by his father whom he had put -into the ground many years before, even as he had seen his father do -with his mother when he was a little child. He had been born on the -island, and could just remember his mother, and his father had lived -long enough to teach him how to fish and hunt and make his clothes of -leaves, feathers, and skins, and to read in _Tittiker_, but not long -enough to give him any clue to the meaning of the book. But whenever -he was sad it was a great solace to him, and he had read it from cover -to cover forty times, for it was like talking to somebody else, and it -was full of names and titles, to which he had attached personages, so -that the island was very thickly populated. Through _Tittiker_ he knew -that the earth moved round the sun, that the moon moved round the earth -and made the tides, that there were three hundred and sixty-five days -in the year, seven days in the week, and that printing is the art of -producing impressions from characters or figures. - - -II: THE BISHOP - -When, the next morning, he crawled out of his lair he saw a man -strangely clad in black, with a shiny corded hat on his head and an -apron hanging from his middle to his knees, gazing up into his palm -tree and down into his kitchen. The man in black saw him and, in the -language of _Tittiker_, said: - -“Alas, my poor brother!” - -“Are you my brother?” asked George. - -The man in black stepped back in amazement. - -“You speak Fattish?” he cried. - -“I have had no one to speak to for many years,” replied George; “but my -father spoke as you do.” - -“Let us pray,” said the man in black, kneeling down on the sands. - -“Pray? What is that?” - -“To God. Surely you are acquainted with the nature of God?” - -The word occurred in _Tittiker_. - -“I often wondered what it was,” said George. - -“Ssh!” said the man in black soothingly. “See! I will tell you. God -made the world in six days and rested the seventh day....” - -“It took me nearly six days to dig my father’s grave, and then I was -very tired.” - -“Ssh! Ssh! Listen.... God made the world in six days, and last of all -he made man and set him to live in his nakedness and innocence by the -sweat of his brow. But man ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge -and became acquainted with original sin in the form of a serpent, -and his descendants were born, lived and died in wickedness and were -reduced to so terrible a plight that God in His mercy sent His son to -point the way to salvation. God’s son was crucified by the Jews, was -wedded to the Church, and, leaving His bride to carry His name all over -the world and bring lost sheep home to the fold, ascended into Heaven. -But first He descended into Hell to show that the soul might be saved -even after damnation, and He rose again the third day. His Church, -after many vicissitudes, reached the faithful people of Fatland, which -for all it is a little island off the continent of Europe, has created -the greatest Empire the world has ever seen. The Fattish people have -been favoured with the only true Church, whose officers and appointed -ministers are deacons, priests, rural deans, prebendaries, canons, -archdeacons, deans, bishops, archbishops. I am a Bishop.” - -“All that,” said George, “is in _Tittiker_.” - -And he recited the names and salaries of six dioceses, but when he -came to the seventh the Bishop blushed and bade him forbear. - -“That,” he said, “is my diocese.” And he swelled out and looked down -his nose and made George feel very uncomfortable, so that to bridge the -difficulty he went back to the Bishop’s story. - -“I like that,” he said. “And Hell is such a good word. I never heard it -before.” - -“Hell,” replied the Bishop, “is the place of damnation.” - -“Ah! my father used to say ‘damnation.’” - -“Ssh!” - -“There is something about Jews in _Tittiker_, but what is original sin?” - -The Bishop looked anxiously from left to right and from right to left -and in a very low, earnest voice he said: - -“Are there no women on your island?” - - -III: ARABELLA - -Even as the Bishop spoke there came round the point a creature than -whom George had not even dreamed of any more fair. But her garments -seemed to him absurd, because they clung about her nether limbs so as -to impede their action. She came with little steps toward them, crying: - -“Father!” - -“My child! Not dead!” - -“No, dear father. I have been drying myself over there. I have been -weeping for you. I thought I was the only one saved.” - -“So I thought of myself. What a wonderful young woman you are! You look -as if you were going district visiting, so neat you are.” - -George was staring at her with all his eyes. Never had he heard more -lovely sounds than those that came from her lips. - -“My daughter, Arabella,” said the Bishop. - -She held out her hand. George touched it fearfully as though he dreaded -lest she should melt away. - -“I like you,” he said. - -“I’m so hungry,” cried Arabella. - -“I could eat an ox,” declared the Bishop. - -George produced a kind of bread that he made from seeds, and the leg -of a goat, and went off to the creek near by to fetch some clams. He -also caught a crab and they had a very hearty breakfast, washed down -with the milk of cocoanuts. The Bishop had explained the situation to -Arabella, and she said: - -“And am I really the first woman you have ever seen!” - -“I had a mother,” replied George simply, “But she was not beautiful -like you. She dressed differently and her legs were fat and strong.” - -“There, there!” said the Bishop. But Arabella laughed merrily. - -The Bishop told how they had been with nineteen other Bishops and -their families upon a cruise in the steam-yacht _Oyster_, each Bishop -engaging to preach on Sundays to the lay passengers, and how the -propeller had been broken and they had been carried out of their course -and tossed this way and that, and finally wrecked (he thought) with the -loss of all hands, though the wireless operator had stuck to his post -to the last and managed to get off the tidings of the calamity with -latitude and longitude into the air. - -It all conveyed very little to George, but it was an acute pleasure to -him to hear their voices, and as they talked he looked from one to the -other with a happy, friendly smile. - -He was very proud to show his island to his visitors, but distressed -at the havoc wrought by the storm, and he apologised for its unusual -behaviour in moving. - -“It has never done it before,” he explained, and was rather hurt -because Arabella laughed. - -He showed them where, as far as he could remember, his father and -mother lay buried, and he took them to the top of the hill, and to -amuse them caught a goat and a little kind of kangaroo there was in -the forest, and a turtle. He displayed his hammock in the palm tree and -showed how he curled up in it and wedged himself in so as not to fall -out, and promised to prepare two other trees for them. They demurred. -The Bishop asked if he might have the lair, and Arabella asked George -to build her a house. He did not know what a house was, but looked it -up in _Tittiker_ and could find mention only of the House of Swells and -the House of Talk. Arabella made a little house of sand; he caught the -idea and spent the day weaving her a cabin of palm branches and mud -and pebbles. He sang whole passages from _Tittiker_ as he worked, and -when it was finished he led Arabella to the cabin and she smiled so -dazzlingly that he reeled, but quickly recovered himself, remembered as -in a vision how it had been with his mother, flung his arms round her -neck and kissed her, saying: - -“I love you.” - -“I think we had better look for my father,” said Arabella. - - -IV: THE SKITISH NAVY - -For three nights did the Bishop sleep in the lair and Arabella in -her cabin. A grey scrub grew on the Bishop’s chin, and during the -daytime he instructed George solemnly and heavily as he delivered -himself of his invariable confirmation address,--(on the second day -he baptised George in the creek, and Arabella was delighted to be his -god-mother)--with an eager pride as he told him of the Skitish Isles -where his diocese and the seat of the Empire lay. The United Kingdom, -he said, consisted of four countries, Fatland, Smugland, Bareland, and -Snales, but only Fatland mattered, because the Fattish absorbed the -best of the Smugs and the Barish and the Snelsh and found jobs for the -cleverest of them in Bondon or Buntown, which was the greatest city in -the world. He assured George that he might go down on his knees and -thank God--now that he was baptised--for having been born a Fattishman, -and that if they ever returned to Bondon he would receive a reward for -having added to the Skitish Empire. - -George knew all about the Emperor-King and his family, and liked the -idea of giving his island as a present. He asked the Bishop if he -thought the Emperor-King would give him Arabella. - -“That,” said the Bishop, “does not rest with the Emperor-King.” - -“But I want her,” answered George. - -Thereafter the Bishop was careful never to leave his daughter alone, -so that at last she protested and said she found Mr. Samways very -interesting and was perfectly able to take care of herself. - -So she was, and next time George kissed her she gave him a motherly -caress in return and he was more than satisfied; he was in an ecstasy -of happiness and danced to please her and showed her all the little -tricks he had invented to while away the tedium of his solitude, as -lying on his back with a great stone on his feet and kicking it into -the air, and walking on his knees with his feet in his hands, and -thrusting his toe into his mouth. He was downcast when she asked him -not to repeat some of his tricks. - -On the fourth day, for want of any other employment, the Bishop decided -to confirm George, who consented willingly when he learned that -Arabella had been confirmed. The ceremony impressed him greatly, and he -had just resolved never to have anything to do with Original Sin when -a terrifying boom broke in upon their solemnity. Some such noise had -preceded the detachment of the island, and George ran like a goat to -the top of the hill, whence, bearing down, he saw a dark grey vessel -belching smoke and casting up a great wave before and leaving a white -spume aft. Also on the side of the island away from his dwelling he saw -two sticks above water, and knew, from the Bishop’s description, that -it must be the steam-yacht _Oyster_. He hastened back with the news, -and presently the vessel hove in sight of the beach, and it conceived -and bare a little vessel which put out and came over the waves to the -shore. A handsome man all gold and blue stepped out of the little -vessel and planted a stick with a piece of cloth on it on the sands and -said: - -“I claim this island for the Skitish Empire.” - -“This island,” said the Bishop, “is the property of Mr. George Samways.” - -“Damme,” roared the man in gold and blue, “it isn’t on the chart.” - -“Mr. Samways was born here,” said Arabella with the most charming smile. - -“Yes.” George saw the man glance approvingly at Arabella and was -anxious to assert himself. “Yes, I was born on the island, but it broke -loose in a storm.” - -The officer roared again, the Bishop protested, the men in the boat -grinned, and at last Arabella took the affair in hand and explained -that her father was the Bishop of Bygn and that they had been in the -ill-fated _Oyster_. - -The officer removed his hat and begged pardon. They had received -messages from the _Oyster_, but the bearings were wrongly reported. -Sighting land not marked on the chart, they had decided to turn in to -annex it, but, of course, if Mr. Samways were a Skitish subject that -would be unnecessary, and--hum, ha!--All’s well that ends well and it -was extremely fortunate. - -Arabella said that Mr. Samways was not only a Skitish subject but a -member of the Church of Fatland, and would be only too pleased to -hand over his island to the Colonial or whatever office might desire -to govern it. Mr. Samways was, so far, the island’s whole permanent -population and would gladly give all particulars. For herself she was -only anxious to return to Fatland, and was excited at the prospect of -travelling on board one of the Emperor-King’s ships of war. Meanwhile -would Mr. ---- - -“Bich.” - ---would Mr. Bich stay to luncheon? - -Mr. Bich stayed to luncheon. In the afternoon he made a rough survey -of the island, sounded the surrounding waters, declared that movement -had ceased, and that so far as he could make out the island was fast -on a submarine reef, with which it had collided so violently that -a promontory had cracked and was even now sinking, and with it the -_Oyster_. - -Careful examination of the shore on that side of the island revealed -no more than the bodies of two Lascars, two nailbrushes, a corded silk -hat, a Bible, a keg of rum and five tins of condensed milk. In that -awful shipwreck had perished nineteen Bishops and their families, a -hundred and ten members of the professional and trading classes, the -crew, the captain, mates, and a cat. - -They stood there on that wild shore amid the solitude of sea and sky, -the Skitish officer, the Bishop, Arabella, and George Samways, and -their emotions were too deep for words. - - -V: CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS - -The ship lay-to, and, while the Captain and Mr. Bich discussed the -island in the language of their trade, the Bishop, whenever possible, -preached a sermon, or discoursed on the beauties of nature; but -Arabella took George under her protection, had his hair cut and his -beard shaved, and with a smile bought of the youngest sub-lieutenant -a suit of his shore-going clothes, a set of shirts, collars, and all -necessary under-garments. George found them most uncomfortable, but -bore with them for her sake. - -As the result of the eloquence of Mr. Bich the Captain went ashore -and returned to report that, the promontory now having sunk to the -depths of the ocean, a very decent harbour had been made and the island -would be valuable to the Empire as a coaling-station. His pockets were -bulging when he came aboard, and Arabella elicited from Mr. Bich that -the island was rich in precious stones and metals, and that the pebbles -of which her cabin had been built were emeralds and aquamarines such as -had never before been seen. Arabella told her father, and he bade her -say nothing, adding impressively: - -“We must protect Mr. Samways’ interests.” - -But George was thinking of nothing but the best means of obliterating -Mr. Bich, upon whom it seemed to him that Arabella was casting a too -favourable eye. - - -VI: HOSTILITIES - -As the ship steamed away from the island the smoke of another vessel -was sighted. It was signalled, but no reply was hoisted. There was -great excitement on board and the chief gunner said: - -“Let me have a go at them.” - -The Captain stood upon the bridge, a figure of calm dignity with a -telescope to his eye. Mr. Bich explained to Arabella and George that -the ship was a Fatter ship, and that the Fatters had lately been taking -islands on the sly without saying anything to anybody, because they -were jealous of the Skitish Empire and wanted to have one too. - -“Do islands make an Empire?” asked George. - -“Anything you can get,” replied Mr. Bich. - -The Fatter ship was making for the island. After her went the grey -vessel, and it was a nose-to-nose race who should first reach the -harbour. The Fatter ship won. The grey vessel fired a gun. The gig was -lowered and the Captain, looking very grim and determined, put off in -her.... Arabella dropped a pin and it was heard all over the vessel. -It was a relief to all on board when the Bishop knelt and offered up -a prayer for the Captain’s safety. The Amen that came at the end of -it brought the tears to George’s eyes, and his blood ran cold when it -swelled into a cheer as the Captain’s gig broke loose from the Fatter -ship and came tearing over the smooth waters. - -The Captain’s face was very white as he stepped on deck and called Mr. -Bich and the other officers to his state-room, and whiter still were -the faces of Mr. Bich and the officers when they left it. The vessel -shook with the vibration of the engines: there was a strange and stormy -muttering among the men: the vessel headed for the open sea. George was -taken to his cabin and locked in. He lay down on the floor and tried -to go to sleep. A roaring and a rumbling and a banging and a thudding -made that impossible. The shaking made him feel so sick that he wished -to die. Near by he could hear Arabella weeping, and that was more -than he could bear. He thrust and bumped against his door and worked -himself into a sweat over it, but it seemed that it would not give. As -he reached the very pit of despair, the door gave, the floor gave, the -walls heaved in upon him; in one roaring convulsion he was flung up and -up and up, and presently came down and down and down into the sea. It -tasted salt and was cool to his sweating body and he was glad of it. - - -VII: SIEBENHAAR - -He was not glad of it for long, because he soon became very cold and -was nipped to numbness. He assumed that it was the end, and felt a -remote regret for Arabella. Other thought he had none. - -When he came to himself he was, or seemed to be, once more in the room -from which he had been so violently propelled, but there were two men -standing near him and talking in a strange tongue. Presently there came -a third man who spoke to him in Fattish. - -“Hullo! Thought you were done in,” said the man. - -George stared. - -“Done in. Dead.” - -“Yes, I was.” - -The man laughed. - -“Funny fellow you are. Eyes just like a baby.” - -“Where is Arabella?” asked George. “Where am I?” - -“Give you three guesses,” said the man. - -“On a ship?” - -“Right.” - -“The Emperor-King’s ship?” - -“No. The King-Emperor’s. You have the honour to be the first prisoner -in the great Fattero-Fattish war.” - -“War? What is that?” - -“War? You don’t know what war is? Have you never read a newspaper?” - -“I have only read _Tittiker_. It tells about a War Office, but I never -knew what it was for.” - -“My name’s Siebenhaar, engineer and philosophical student, and I fancy -you are the man I have been looking for all my life. You should be -capable of a pure idea....” - -“What,” asked George, “is an idea?” - -Siebenhaar flung his arms around him and embraced him and recited a -long poem in his own language. - -“You shall be presented at the Universities!” he said. “You shall be a -living reproach to all writers, thinkers, artists, and I, Siebenhaar, -will be your humble attendant.” - -“Did I say anything unusual?” - -“Unusual? Unique! Colossal! The ultimate question! ‘What is war? What -is an idea?’ Ach?” - -George insisted on an explanation of the meaning of war, and then he -asked why the Fattish and the Fatters should be intent upon mutual -destruction, and also what the difference between them might be. - -“Difference?” said Siebenhaar. “The Fattish drink beer that you can -hold; the Fatters drink beer that runs through you. That is all there -is to it.” - -With that he sent for some Fatter beer and drank a large quantity -himself and made George taste it. He spat it out. - -“Is that why they are making war?” - -Siebenhaar smacked his lips. - -“Man,” he said, “is the creature of his internal organs, almost, I -might say, their slave. The lungs, the heart, the kidneys, the stomach, -the bladder, these control a man, and every day refashion him. If -they do their work well, so does he. If they do it ill, then so does -he. Each of the organs has secretions which periodically choke their -interaction, and bring about a state of ill-humour and discomfort in -which the difference between man and man is accentuated, and their good -relations degenerate into hatred and envy and distrust. At such times -murders are committed and horrible assaults, but frequently discretion -prevails over those desires, suppresses them but does not destroy them. -They accumulate and find expression in war, which has been led up to -by a series of actions on the part of men suffering from some internal -congestion. Modern war, they say, is made by money, and the lust for -it. That is no explanation. No man becomes a victim of the lust for -money except something interferes with his more natural lusts: no man, -I go so far as to say, could so desire money as to become a millionaire -except he were const----” - -“But what has this to do with beer?” interrupted George. - -“I’m coming to that,” continued Siebenhaar. - -“Beer taken in excess is a great getter of secretions, and man is so -vain an animal as to despise those whose secretions differ from his -own. What is more obvious than that the implacable enemies of the -Eastern hemisphere should be those whose drink is so much the same -but so profoundly different in its effects? Internal congestion may -bring about war, but in this war the material is undoubtedly supplied -by beer. And I may add, in support of my theory, that once war is -embarked upon, those engaged in it suffer so terribly from internal -disorganisation as to become unanswerable for their actions, and so -mad as to rejoice in the near prospect of a violent death. Moltke was -notoriously decayed inside and the state of Napoleon’s internal organs -will not bear thinking on.” - -George protested that he had never heard of Napoleon or Moltke, and -Siebenhaar was on the point of embracing him, when, muttering something -about Fatter beer, he rose abruptly and left the room. - - -VIII: MORE OF SIEBENHAAR - -“There is a woman aboard,” said Siebenhaar when he returned. “I suppose -you have never seen a woman?” - -“Two,” said George simply. - -Siebenhaar slapped his leg. - -“Have you any theory about them?” he asked. - -“Theory? I don’t know what theory is. I loved them. I put my arms round -their necks and rubbed my face against their soft faces. It was very -nice. I should like to do it every night before I go to sleep. I should -like to do it now.” - -“You shall,” said Siebenhaar, and he went out and came back with -Arabella. - -George leaped from his berth and flung his arms round her neck and -embraced her, and she was so surprised and delighted that she kissed -him, and Siebenhaar wept to see it. - -“I don’t know who you are, madam,” he said, “but if I were you I should -stick to that young man like a barnacle to a ship’s bottom. I would -creep into his heart and curl up in it like a grub in a ripe raspberry, -and I would go down on my knees and thank Heaven for having sent me -the one man in the modern world who may be capable of a genuine and -constant affection. You have him, madam, straight from his mother’s -arms, with a soul, a heart, as virgin as I hope your own are.” - -Arabella disengaged herself from George’s now ardent embrace, drew -herself up, and with the haughtiness of her race, said: - -“My father was a bishop of the Church of Fatland.” - -“That,” said Siebenhaar, “does not exempt you from the normal internal -economy of your sex or its need of the (perfectly honest) love of the -opposite sex. My point is that you have here an unrivalled opportunity -of meeting an honest love, and I implore you to take it.” - -“I would have you know,” retorted Arabella, “that I am engaged to my -late father’s chaplain.” - -“War,” said Siebenhaar, “is war, and I should advise you to seek -protection where it is offered.” - -“If you would hold my hand in yours,” said George to Arabella, “I think -I should sleep now. I am so tired.” - -Arabella held George’s hand and in two minutes he was asleep. - - -IX: SIEBENHAAR ON WOMEN - -“There are some,” said Siebenhaar, “who regard women as a disease, a -kind of fungoid distortion of the human form. But only the very lowest -species are hermaphrodite, and the higher seem to be split up into -male and female for the purpose of reproduction without temporary -loss of efficiency in the task of procuring food. The share of the -male in the act of reproduction is soon over, and among the wisest -inhabitants of the globe the male is destroyed as soon as his share is -performed. Human beings are not very wise: they have an exaggerated -idea of their importance; and they are reluctant to destroy the life of -their kind except in occasional outbursts of organised homicide such -as that on which we are now engaged. The share of the female entails -the devotion of many months, during which she needs the protection of -the male, whom, for that reason, and also because she hopes to repeat -the performance, she retains by every art at her disposal. Hence has -arisen the institution of marriage, which pledges the male to the -protection of the female and their offspring. Whether a moral principle -is engaged in this institution is a question upon which philosophers -cannot agree. It is therefore left out of most systems of philosophy. -Mine is based on my answer to it, which is that there is no moral -principle engaged. Morality is for the few who are capable of it. Few -men have the capacity for ideas, but all men love women, except a -few miserable degenerates, who prefer a substitute. There is no idea -in marriage. It is an expedient. Sensible communities admit of open -relief from it; in duller communities relief has to be sought in the -byways. And still no moral principle is engaged. It is a matter only -of supplying the necessities of human nature. Now, love is a different -affair altogether. Love is an idea, a direct inspiration. It alone -can transcend the tyranny of the internal organs and lead a man not -only to perceive his limitations but within them to create beauty, and -creative a man must be directly he becomes aware of the heat of love in -the heart of a woman. There is no other such purging fire, none that -can so illuminate the dark places of the world or so concentrate and -distil such lightness as there is. All evil, I have said, comes from -congestion; to release the good a purge is necessary, and there is no -purge like woman. Therefore, madam, I do most solemnly charge you to -tend the fire of love in your heart. Never again will you find a man so -sensible to its warmth--(most men can see no difference between love -and indigestion)--Oh, madam, discard all thoughts of marriage, which is -an expedient of prudence, which is cowardice, of modesty, which is a -lure, of innocence, which in an adult female is a lie, to the winds, do -exactly as you feel inclined to do, and love. Madam ----” - -But by this Arabella was asleep. She had sunk back against George, her -lovely tresses lay upon his shoulder, and her hand clasped his. - -Siebenhaar wiped away a tear, heaved a great sigh, took his beer-mug in -his hand and crept away on tip-toe. - - -X: LOVE - - -XI: MUSIC - -On deck was a band playing dirge-like dragging hymns, for the Admiral -of that ship was a very pious man and believed that the Almighty was -personally directing the war against the enemies of Fatterland, and -would be encouraged to hear that ship’s company taking him seriously. - -No sooner did Siebenhaar set foot on deck than he was arrested. - -The Chaplain had listened to every word of his discourse and reported -it to the Admiral, who detested Siebenhaar because he was always -laughing and was very popular with the crew. Word for word the -Chaplain had quoted Siebenhaar’s sayings, so that he could deny nothing -but only protest that it was purely a private matter, a series of -opinions and advice given gratuitously to an interesting couple. - -“Nothing,” roared the Admiral, “is given to the enemies of our country.” - -“We are all human,” said Siebenhaar. “I was carried away by the -discovery of human feeling amid the callousness of this pompous war.” - -The Admiral went pale. The Chaplain shuddered. The officers hid their -faces. - -“He has spoken against God’s holy war,” said the Chaplain. - -“That’s all my eye,” said Siebenhaar. “Why drag God into it? You are -making war simply because you have so many ships that you are ashamed -not to use them. The armament companies want to build more ships and -can invent no other way of getting rid of them.” - -“God has given us ships of war,” said the Chaplain, “even as He has -given us the good grain and the fish of the sea. Who are we that we -should not use them?” - -The sub-Chaplain had been sent to discover the effect of Siebenhaar’s -advice upon the enemies of Fatterland. The accused had just opened -his mouth to resume his defence when the sub-Chaplain returned and -whispered into the ear of his chief. - -“God help us all!” cried the Chaplain. “They are desecrating His ship!” - -There was a whispered consultation. George and Arabella were brought -before the court, and if George was the object of general execration, -Arabella won the admiration of all eyes, especially the Admiral’s, who -regarded his affections as his own particular, private and peculiar -devil and was now tempted by him. The Chaplain held forth at great -length; the Admiral grunted in apostrophe. Only Siebenhaar could -interpret. He said: - -“They say we have blasphemed their God of War. I by giving advice, you -by acting on it. It is not good to be fortunate and favoured among -hundreds of mateless males. It will go hard with us.” - -“And Arabella?” asked George. - -“They will keep Arabella,” replied Siebenhaar. - -They were silenced. - -A boat was stocked with corned beef, biscuits, and water. George and -Siebenhaar were placed in it and it was lowered. The band resumed its -playing of dirge-like dragging hymns, and through the wailing of the -oboes and the cornet-à-piston George could hear the sobs of Arabella. - - -XII: ADRIFT - -“Now,” said Siebenhaar, “you have an opportunity to exercise your -national prerogative and rule the waves.” - -George made no reply. His internal organs were supplying him with an -illustration of Siebenhaar’s theory. The waves did just as they liked -with the boat, sent it spinning in one direction, wrenched it back in -another, slipped from under it, picked it up again and every now and -then playfully sent a drenching spray over its occupants. - -Siebenhaar talked, sang and slept, and, when he was doing none of these -things, ate voraciously. - -“I insist on dying with a full stomach,” he said when George protested. - -George ate and slept and thought of Arabella, when he could think at -all. - -“Death,” said Siebenhaar, “must be very surprising: but then, so is -life when you penetrate its disguises and discover its immutability. -We hate death only because it is impossible to pretend that it is -something else, so that it comes at the end of the comedy to give us -the lie. After this experience I think I shall change my philosophy -and seek the truth of life with the light of death. You never know: it -might become fashionable. Women like their thoughts ready-made, and -they like them bizarre. Women are undoubtedly superior to men....” - -But by this time George was in such a state of discomfort that he lay -flat on his face in the bottom of the boat and groaned: - -“I am going to die.” - -“Eat,” said Siebenhaar, “eat and drink.” And he offered corned beef and -water. - -“I want to die,” moaned George, and he wept because death would not -come at once. He hid his face in his hands and howled and roared. -Siebenhaar himself ate the corned beef and drank the water, and went on -eating and drinking until he had exhausted all their supply. Then he -curled up in the bows and went to sleep and snored. - -And the waves changed their mood and gave the boat only a gentle -rocking. - -George opened his eyes and gazed up into the sky. It was night and the -stars were shining brilliantly. Red and yellow and white they were and -they danced above him. He was astonished to find that he did not wish -to die. He was very hungry. He crawled over to Siebenhaar and shook him -and woke him up. - -There was neither food nor water in the locker. - -“In the great cities of the civilised world,” said Siebenhaar, “there -are occasional performers who go without food for forty days. We shall -see.” - -“I am thirsty,” whimpered George. - -“Those occasional performers,” returned Siebenhaar, “drink water and -smoke cigarettes, and they are sheltered from the elements by walls of -glass. We shall see.” - -With that he turned over and went to sleep again. - - -XIII: HUNGER - -George’s face was sunk and his eyes glared. Siebenhaar tried to spit -into the sea, but it was impossible. He was daunted into silence. - -Another day began to dawn. - -“If this goes on,” said George in a dry whistling croak of a voice, “I -shall eat you.” - -And he glared so at Siebenhaar’s throat that the philosopher turned up -his coat collar to cover it. - - -XIV: MILITARY - -At dawn a shower of rain came. They collected water in George’s boots. -They had already eaten Siebenhaar’s. - -Thus revived, George stood up, and on the edge of the sea saw blue land -and little white sails. They came nearer and nearer, and presently they -were delivered by a little vessel that contained one white man and ten -negroes. Neither George nor Siebenhaar could speak, but they pointed to -their bellies and were given to eat. - -“I recant,” said Siebenhaar. “There is nothing to be learnt from death, -for death is nothing. The stomach is lord of life and master of the -world.” - -With that he recounted their adventures and the reason for their being -in such a woeful plight. The master of the ship, on learning that -Siebenhaar was a Fatter, said that he must deliver him up as a prisoner -when they reached Cecilia, the capital of the Fattish colony which they -would see as soon as the fleet--for it was a fishing fleet--turned into -the bay. - -“As a Philosopher,” said Siebenhaar, “I have no nationality. As an -engineer--but I am no longer an engineer. The Admiral and the Chaplain -will have seen to that. My life is now devoted to Mr. Samways, as in -a certain narrower sense it has nearly been.” And he told the master -of the ship how George was by birth the proprietor of the island in -dispute between the two nations, and how the island shone with precious -stones and glittered with a mountain of gold. The master’s cupidity was -aroused, and he agreed to grant Siebenhaar his liberty on the promise -of a rich reward at the conclusion of the war. He was a Fattishman, and -could not believe that there would be any other end than a Fattish -triumph. - -A pact was signed and they sailed into Cecilia, the governor of which -colony was Siebenhaar’s cousin and delighted to see him and to have a -chance of talking the Fatter language and indulging in philosophical -speculations for which his Fattish colleagues had no taste. He welcomed -George warmly on his first entry in a civilised land, and was delighted -to instruct him in the refinements of Fattish manners: how you did -not eat peas or gravy with your knife, and how (roughly speaking) -no portion of the body between the knees and shoulders might be -mentioned in polite society, and how sneezing and coughing and the like -sudden affections were to be checked or disguised. George talked of -Arabella and the wonderful stir of the emotions she had caused in him. -Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch (for that was his name) was greatly -shocked, and told how in the best Fattish society all talk of love was -forbidden, left by the men to the women, and how among men the emotions -were never discussed, and how, since it was impossible to avoid all -mention of that side of life, men in civilisation had invented a system -of droll stories which both provided amusement and put a stop to the -embarrassment of intimate revelations. - -However, as George’s vigour was restored by the good food he ate in -enormous quantities, he could not forbear to think of Arabella or to -talk of her. He spoke quite simply of her to a company of officers, and -they roared with laughter and found it was the best story they had ever -heard. - -When the officers were not telling droll stories, they were playing -cards or ball games or boasting one against the other or talking about -money. - -George asked what money was, and they showed him some. He was -disappointed. He had expected something much more remarkable because -they had been so excited about it. They told him he must have money, -and Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch gave him a sovereign. A man in -the street asked George to lend him a sovereign and George gave it to -him. The officers were highly amused. - -The adventurers had not been in Cecilia above a week when the town was -besieged and presently bombarded. Except that there was a shortage of -food and that every day at least thirty persons were killed, there was -no change in the life of the place. The officers told droll stories and -played cards or ball games or boasted one against the other or talked -about money. They ate, drank, slept, and quarrelled, and George found -them not so very much unlike himself except that he was serious about -his love for Arabella, while they laughed. He asked Siebenhaar what -civilisation was. Said the philosopher with a wave of his hand: - -“They have built a lot of houses.” - -“But the ships out there are knocking them down.” - -“They have made railways from one town to another.” - -“But the black men have torn the railways up.” (For the native tribes -had risen.) - -Said Siebenhaar: - -“No one can define civilisation. It means doing things.” - -“Why?” - -“Thou art the greatest of men,” replied Siebenhaar, and his face beamed -approbation and love upon his friend. But to put an unanswerable -question to Siebenhaar was to set him off on his theories. - -“First,” he said, “the stomach must be fed. Two men working together -can procure more food than two men working separately. That is as far -as we have got. Until the two men trust each other we are not likely to -get any further. Until then they will steal each other’s tools, goods, -women, and squabble over the proceeds of their work and make the world -a hell for the young. When one man steals or murders it is a crime: -when forty million men steal, murder, rape, burn, destroy, pillage, -sack, oppress, they are making glorious history, a lot of money, and, -if they like to call it so, an Empire. But Empire and petty thefts -are both occasioned by the lamentable distrust of the two men of our -postulate.” - -“But for Arabella,” said George, “I could wish I had never left my -island.” - -News of the war came dribbling in. The island had been twice captured -by the Fatter fleet, and twice it had been evacuated. The Fatters had -suffered defeat in their home waters but had gained a victory in the -Indian seas. Came news that the island had again been captured, then -the tidings that the whole of the Fatter fleet and army was to be -concentrated upon Cecilia and the colony of which it was the capital. - -“Why?” asked George. - -“Because a new reef of gold has been discovered up-country.” - -The bombardment grew very fierce. From the mountain above the town -ships of war could be seen coming from all directions, and some of them -were Fattish ships, but not enough as yet to come to grips with the -Fatter fleet. - -The inland frontiers were attacked but held, though with frightful loss -of life. Then one night from the Fatter fleet came a landing party, -and Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch called a council of war, and the -officers sat from ten o’clock until three in the morning debating what -had best be done. - -At half-past one the landing party were only a mile away. A shell -burst in the street as George was walking to his lodging and three men -were killed in front of him. It was the first time he had seen such a -thing. It froze his blood. He gave a yell that roused the whole town, -ran, was followed by a crowd of riff-raff seizing weapons as they went, -and rushed down upon the enemy, who had stopped for a moment to see -two dogs fighting in the road. They were taken by surprise and utterly -routed. - -There is no more rousing episode in the whole military history of -Fatland. George was for three days the hero of the Empire. He received -by wireless telegraphy countless offers of marriage, ten proposals -from music-hall engagements, and by cable a demand for the story of -the fight from the noble proprietor of a Sunday newspaper. It was -impossible to persuade that noble proprietor that there was no extant -photograph of Mr. Samways, and a fortune was spent in cablegrams in the -fruitless attempts to do so. - - -XV: NAVAL - -As it turned out the concentration on Cecilia was a fatal tactical -error, directly traceable to the King-Emperor, who had never left the -capital of Fatterland and had been misled by certain telegrams which -had been wrongly deciphered. The entire Fattish navy was collected -upon the bombarding fleet and utterly destroyed it. - -George and Siebenhaar watched the engagement from the mountain above -Cecilia. It was almost humorous to see the huge vessels curtsey to the -water and so disappear. It was astonishing to see the Fattish admiral -surround nine of his own vessels and cause them also to curtsey and -disappear. - -“What in hell,” said George, who had by now learned the nature of an -oath, “what in hell is he doing that for?” - -“That,” said Siebenhaar, “is for the benefit of the armament -contractors. A war without loss of ships is no use to them.” - -And suddenly George burst into tears, because he had thought of all -the men on board, and was overcome with the futility of it all and the -feeling that he was partially to blame for having been born on his -island. - - -XVI: NATIONAL - -The Fattish are an emotional race. They had overcome the Fatters, and -the only outstanding hero of that war was George. They insisted on -seeing George. They clamoured for him. They sent a cruiser to fetch him -from Cecilia, and the commander of that cruiser was none other than -Mr. Bich, who had won promotion. - -His astonishment was no less great than George’s, but his adventures -were less interesting. After the destruction of the ship he had been -saved by a turtle which had been attracted by his brass buttons and had -allowed him to ride on his back so long as they lasted. He had had to -give it one every twenty minutes, and had just come to his last when -he was seen and rescued. He had thought himself the only survivor, and -when he heard that Arabella also had been delivered from the waves -there came into his eye a gleam which George did not like. - -The voyage was quite monotonously uneventful and George was glad when -they reached Fatland. The Mayor, Corporation, and Citizens, also dogs -and children, of the port at which he landed, turned out to meet him; -he was given the freedom of the borough, and a banquet, and at both -ceremony and meal he was photographed. - -In Bondon he was given five public meals in two days. He was so -bewildered by the number of people who thronged round him that he -left all arrangements in Siebenhaar’s hands, and Siebenhaar liked the -banquets. - -He was received by the Emperor-King and decorated, and the -Empress-Queen said: “How do you do, Mr. Samways?” - -He was followed everywhere by enormous crowds, and outside his lodgings -there were always ten policemen to clear a way for the traffic. His -romantic history had put a polish on his fame: the motherless and -fatherless orphan, all those years alone upon an island; no woman in -Fatland old or young, rich or poor, but yearned to be a mother to him -and make up to him for all those years. And then the wonderful story -of his acceptance of the Fattish religion, his reception on those -golden sands into the church at the hands of the good Bishop of Bygn, -after the appalling disaster to the _Oyster_. All was known, and the -emotional Fattish found it irresistibly moving. George in all innocence -created a religious revival such as had never been known. The theatres, -music-halls, picture palaces were deserted: no crowds attended the -football matches or the race-meetings, and when the newspapers had -exhausted the Story of George Samways their circulation dropped to next -to nothing. The situation for certain trades looked black indeed. - -But of all of this George recked nothing. His one thought was for -Arabella. - - -XVII: REUNION - -Siebenhaar took a malicious delight in the ruin of the newspaper trade, -and pledged George to attend a mammoth church meeting in Bondon’s -greatest hall of assembly. There were forty bishops on the platform, -and a Duke presided. George entered. There were tears, cheers, sobs, -sighs, groans, conversions; and hundreds suddenly became conscious of -salvation, swooned away and were carried out. - -The Duke spoke for fifty minutes. Mr. Samways (he said) would now tell -the story of his--er--er--“Have I got to say something?” said George to -Siebenhaar. - -“Tell them,” said Siebenhaar, “to look after the stomach and the rest -will look out for itself.” - -George advanced toward the front of the platform and beamed out upon -the eager audience. - -Arabella let a pin drop and it could be heard all over the hall. - -It _was_ Arabella! For a moment George could not believe his eyes. It -was she! He leaped down from the platform, took her in his arms and -covered her with kisses. - -So strong was the hypnotic power of his fame that there was no male in -that huge audience but followed his example, no female, old or young, -rich or poor, but yielded to it. In vain did the bishops protest and -quote from the marriage service of the Fattish Church; in vain did they -go among the audience and earnestly implore the individual members -of it to desist. They replied that George Samways had revealed a new -religion and that they liked it. - -And above the tumult rose the voice of Siebenhaar saying: ---- But what -he said is unprintable. - - -XVIII: BETROTHAL - -How he escaped from the pandemonium George never knew, but his first -clear recollection after it was of being borne swiftly through the -streets of Bondon with Arabella in his arms, she weeping and telling -him of the hard and vile usage she had been put to on the Fatter ship, -for the Admiral was a horrid man. She told him how she had at last been -taken to the Fatterland and there, by her father’s influence--(for -her father also had been marvelously delivered from an untimely -end)--released and sent, first-class at the expense of the Fatter -Government, home to Fatland, and how she had there resumed her old -life of district visiting and tea parties and diocesan conferences and -rescuing white slaves and had been content in it until she had seen -him, when all her old love had sprung once more into flame and she -would never, never desert him more. George wept also and protested that -he would never leave her side. - -She took him to her home, and her father, who had been prevented by -indisposition from attending the meeting, blessed him and made him -welcome. - -It was very late and George drew Arabella to his side and said he would -send for his things. - -“Things!” said the Bishop. - -“We love each other,” replied George. - -“Do you propose to marry this man?” asked the Bishop. - -Arabella blushed and explained to George that he must go away until -they were married, and the Bishop revealed the meaning of the word. - -“But why?” asked George. - -“It is so ordained,” said the Bishop, and George was exasperated. - -“I love Arabella,” he cried. “What more do you want? And what on earth -has it got to do with you or anybody else? I love Arabella, and my love -has survived shipwreck, starvation, explosion, battle, murder, and the -public festivities of Fatland....” - -With extraordinary cynicism the Bishop replied: - -“That may be. But it is doubtful if it will survive marriage; therefore -marriage is necessary.” - -This illogical argument silenced George. The Bishop finally gave his -consent and the marriage was arranged to take place in a month’s time, -and the announcement of the betrothal was sent to the only remaining -morning newspaper. - - -XIX: REACTION - -There were great rejoicings when peace between Fatland and Fatterland -was signed and ratified, and the day was set apart for an imposing -ceremony at the Colonial Office, when George’s island was to be -solemnly incorporated in the Empire. - -In a little room high up in the huge offices Field-Marshals, Admirals, -and Cabinet Ministers foregathered. The State Map of the World was -produced and the island was marked on it, and George with his own hand -was to have the privilege of underlining its name in red ink. It was -an awful moment. George dipped his pen in the ink--(it was the first -time he had ever held a pen in his hand and he had to be instructed in -its use); he dipped his pen in the ink, held it poised above the map, -when the door opened and a white-faced clerk rushed in with a sheet of -paper as white as his face. This he gave to the Colonial Secretary, who -collapsed. The Lord High Flunkey took the paper and said: - -“Good God!” - -George dropped the pen and made a red blot on the State Map of the -World. - -The Lord High Flunkey pulled himself together and said: - -“My Lords and Gentlemen, the South Seas Squadron commissioned to annex -the new island reports that it has moved on and cannot be found.” - -“This is a serious matter, Mr. Samways,” said the senior Admiral. - -“I’m awfully sorry,” answered George, and he walked out of the room. - -It had been arranged that when George underlined the name of his island -on the map, the national flag should be run up on the offices so that -the expectant crowd should know that the Empire had been enlarged and -the war justified. There was an appalling silence as George left the -building. He slipped into the crowd before he was recognized and before -the awful news had spread. - -There was a groan, a hoot, a yell, and the crowd stormed and raved. -Stones flew, and soon there was not a window in that office left -unbroken. - -The Government resigned, and with its fall fell George Samways. He was -not the object of any active hostility. He was simply ignored. It was -as though he had never been. When he called at the Bishop’s house to -see Arabella, the footman stared through him and said the Bishop would -be obliged if he would write. George took the fellow by the scruff of -the neck and laid him on the floor. Then he ran upstairs to Arabella’s -room. - -“You!” she said. - -“Yes. I love you.” - -“We can’t be married now.” - -“No. We needn’t wait now. You’re coming with me.” - -He assisted her to pack a small handbag, and with that they set forth. - -At George’s lodgings they found Siebenhaar in argument with the master -of the ship, who had delivered them and had now come to Bondon to claim -his reward. He had sailed from Cecilia in his own ship, which was even -now at the docks. - -“We will sail in her,” said George, “and we will find my island.” - -“Find the island? The whole navy’s looking for it!” - -“It will come to me,” said George. - -And Siebenhaar embraced Arabella and congratulated her on having taken -his advice. - - -XX: HOME - -They had a pleasant voyage, saw the sea-serpent twice, and when they -came to the South Seas every night George sang those strange melodious -chants that he had made out of _Tittiker_. One night when they had been -at sea nigh eight months up and down the Southern Seas and almost into -the Antarctic, George fell into a kind of swoon and said: - -“She is coming, she is coming, my mother, my land.” - -And Arabella, fearing for his reason, implored Siebenhaar to distract -him with talk, and the master of the ship to make for the nearest port. -But George silenced Siebenhaar, and in an unearthly voice he crooned: - - “Cathoire Mor, or the Great--had thirty sons. - - Conn Ceadchadhach, called the Hero of the Hundred Battles--slain. - - Conaire--killed. - - Art-Aonfhir, the Melancholy--slain in battle. - - Lughaidh, surnamed MacConn--thrust through the eye with a spear in a - conspiracy. - - Feargus, surnamed Black-teeth--murdered at the instigation of his - successor. - - Cormac-Ulfhada--‘A Prince of the most excellent wisdom, and kept the - most splendid court that ever was in Bareland’; choked by the bone of - a fish at supper....” - -Near dawn he rose to his feet and stood with outstretched arms, -yelling at the top of his voice: - - “Connor, or Conchabhar--‘died of grief, being unable to redress the - misfortunes of his country.’ - - Niall-Caillie--drowned in the river Caillie. - - Turgesius--‘expelled the Barish historians, and burnt their books’; - thrown into a lough and drowned....” - -And Siebenhaar lifted up his eyes in wonder, for there was such a note -of triumph in George’s voice. - -The sun was casting up his first rosy glow upon the sky, and against -it, dark blue, almost purple, stood a tall hill that grew. There was -little wind, but the ship sped forward. - -“My beloved! My island!” cried George, and Arabella fell upon his neck. - -As the sun rose above the horizon they slipped ashore upon the yellow -sands, and George’s palm tree bowed to them and they four, George, -Arabella, Siebenhaar and the master of the ship, joined hands and -danced together. - -Then George took Arabella to the little cabin and he said: - -“The house I built for you.” - -But Siebenhaar said: - -“I am devilish hungry.” - - - - -Ultimus - - -I: THE SON OF HIS FATHER - -Though her love for George never faded, Arabella could not take kindly -to life on the island. She bore herself cheerfully until she was with -child, and then, when she began to plan careers for her son, she was -oppressed by the absence of opportunity which that life could afford. -She told herself that when she was dead and Siebenhaar was dead and -George was dead the boy would be left alone with the Captain, who was -only a common man. She had another two months to go when the Captain -disappeared one night with his ship and a cargo of rubies and emeralds. -The blow was too much for her: the only means of communication with the -world of Bishops and white slaves was gone; she sank into a profound -melancholy: the boy was born before his time; and she died. - -George flung himself on the sands and wept and swore he would call the -boy Judas, because he had betrayed him. However, Siebenhaar protested, -saying that, as the boy could not be christened, it was not right to -give him a Biblical name. He said that he personally should call him -Ultimus as he bade fair to be the last of his line, unless, as had -happened before, the island should insist on its population being -continued. For that was how, after much cogitation, the philosopher had -come to explain the previous strange adventure. George was indifferent, -but from hearing Siebenhaar call the boy Ultimus he also adopted the -name, not knowing its sad significance. Bearing deeply imprinted in his -soul the marks of his unhappy contact with the world, George forbade -all mention of it in his son’s presence. Never was he to know of the -hateful race who inhabited Fatland, and of the indomitable Fatters -whose admiral had so shamefully treated his mother. However, Siebenhaar -used to talk in his sleep, and he often slept in the middle of the day. -When he was six years old little Ultimus came to his father and said: - -“What is God? What is an engine? Is the world round? What is a mother? -Who is Siebenhaar’s father? What is a professor? Why does Siebenhaar -talk in two ways? If you helped me to be born why can’t I help some one -else? Is a Bishop a kind of man? Did I kill my mother, and how did I -do it if I never saw her? Is this your island? What is an island? Are -there other sorts of land? Are the stars land? Is the moon land? Is the -sun land? If you are my father, why isn’t Siebenhaar some one’s father? -Are all big men fathers? How do they do it? There are two kinds of -goats, why aren’t there two kinds of men? If there are she-goats, why -aren’t there she-men? What is a ship? Siebenhaar is always talking -about ships. What is money? Are you a King? There is a King in Fatland. -When is a father grand?...” - -George gave one despairing look at his son. He groaned: - -“Arabella, my love, my love.” - -Then he walked out into the sea and disappeared. A few hours later his -body was washed up on the shore, and Siebenhaar had to explain to the -boy that his father was dead. Ultimus said: - -“He walked out into the sea.” - -“To such peace,” replied Siebenhaar solemnly, “do we all come.” - - -II: QUESTIONS - -If the boy’s questions were fatal to his father they were a delight -to Siebenhaar, who had no further scruple about giving instruction, -for, in the hardship and solitude which had been his fate since his -encounter with George, his philosophy had matured and he saw that the -remaining years of his life might be spent in the instruction and -preparation of a disciple. - -They would sit for hours together on the sands drawing maps and -diagrams for illustration. Siebenhaar had no knowledge which he -did not communicate to Ultimus, who by the time he was seventeen -was a master of mathematics, German philosophy, the rudiments of -physics, chemistry, geology, physiology, biology, psychology, botany, -meteorology, astronomy. They made wind and stringed instruments and -played duets composed of what Siebenhaar could remember of Beethoven. -The boy was a good sculptor and painter, a carpenter, a cabinet-maker, -a mason, a cook, an engineer, a weaver, a tailor, a cobbler. He could -read and write five languages, was familiar with the geography of the -whole world, and knew the situations of the best brothels in all the -first-class ports. When he began to have needs which there was no means -of satisfying, Siebenhaar explained them to him: - -“You are now reaching that state of man which reveals the futility of -all knowledge, since you are awakened to desires which no knowledge can -satisfy. Rest assured that in the world your case would be no better, -but rather would be aggravated by opportunity and failure. You are, at -any rate, spared the tragedy of your father whose love destroyed the -object of his desire and reduced him to a morbid condition in which -your healthy wish for knowledge was more than he could bear. It is -right to wish for knowledge, because only through that can we recognise -our ignorance, and see the humour of our position. If you can see that -you can be happy and glad that you have lived.” - -Poor Ultimus tried hard to do so, but he often retired from their -conversations to weep, and Siebenhaar would find him sitting in the -water consoling himself with music. The unhappy youth became a prey to -boredom and wearied of the arts and sciences and discussions with which -they filled the day. They had long ago arrived at the conclusion that -there was no God, no ascertainable purpose in the universe, and nothing -in life but the fun or nuisance of living. He became romantic and -plagued Siebenhaar for stories, love-stories, bawdy experiences, the -tale of his meeting with George, and the deathless fable of the love of -George and Arabella. From that he came to delight in the idea of war, -and Siebenhaar explained to him how wars came about: how in the first -place men were obsessed by superstitions about God, each community -believing itself to be specially favoured and inspired by the unseen -powers, and ignoring all the evidence to the contrary, as poverty, -disease, corruption, bad art, inefficiency, and domestic unhappiness. -As a consequence each community was jealous of every other, and -supported its claims to moral superiority and divine favour with a -great show of force, of armed ships on the sea and trained men on the -land. - -To illustrate his remarks Siebenhaar concocted explosives and Ultimus -found such great amusement in them and was so busy destroying the -houses he had built, the statues he had made, the engines he had -contrived, that the philosopher was forced to change his theory of war -and to see that it has its roots in boredom. - -Thereafter Ultimus was alternately busy with the arts and sciences and -with destroying all his works when he was bored with them and could not -help recognising their futility. As his explosives upset Siebenhaar’s -nerves and the tranquillity he required for his contemplation, they -made an arrangement that Ultimus should give notice of his destructive -intentions when he felt them coming on. Then Siebenhaar would retire to -the other side of the island and leave him to it. - -The boy made a careful study of explosives and experimented with them -until he could send huge palm trees hundreds of feet into the air. It -became his ambition to blow up the mountain. He made several attempts, -but could not succeed. He blew great holes in it and discovered mines -of gold and diamonds and platinum and various new earths which, when -mixed with his explosive, increased its power. But the mountain -seemed to be capable of absorbing any shock. He had just given up his -experiments in despair when Siebenhaar came rushing over in a great -state of excitement to say that the island had moved a degree and a -half. - -The two men looked at each other incredulously, not daring to believe -in what was thumping in both their minds. They prepared a new charge, -took their bearings, exploded it, and found that they were moving at -the rate of twenty-three knots an hour, N.N.W. The next charge they -placed so that the island moved W.N.W. - -They could then navigate and go whither they pleased. They embraced, -danced, killed a goat, and drank heavily to celebrate their triumph. - - -III: CIVILISATION - -The north point of the island was a rocky headland, a precipice -hundreds of feet above the sea-level. Beyond it jutted three jagged -rocks. One morning Siebenhaar found on one of these rocks the hull of -a vessel, and when he looked closer he saw a man sitting disconsolate -upon it. He fetched Ultimus, who threw stones to attract the man’s -attention. It was impossible to make him hear. They gesticulated to -tell him to swim to his right, and at last he caught their meaning, -stripped and plunged into the sea. They had already stopped the island, -which was now making only a gentle way, so that there was no danger of -his being run down. - -By the time they reached the shore the man was already sitting on the -sands drying himself and eating a cocoa-nut. He was above middle age, -and had a little fat belly and long thin legs. Siebenhaar addressed him -in Fattish, and the man said he was a Rear-Admiral in the Fattish Navy -and would like to know what in hell they meant by ruining his battle in -which he had got the Fatters fairly on the run. - -“Battle?” said Siebenhaar. - -“Yes. Four cruisers, six destroyers, and torpedo craft. All gone on the -rocks. The most amazing thing in all my long experience. Not a sign of -a rock on the chart. You must have got the Fatters first, for their -firing suddenly ceased. Who are you? What are you?” - -Siebenhaar told him it was Samways Island. - -The man’s jaw dropped. - -“I spent the best part of three years after that,” he said. “I -originally annexed it for the Empire.” - -“Not,” cried Siebenhaar. “_Not_ Mr. Bich?” - -“Bich is my name.” - -Siebenhaar disclosed his identity and Rear-Admiral Bich covered his -amazement and emotion with a volley of expletives. He asked after -George, and when he was told that both he and Arabella were dead he -could not check his tears. - -He shook Ultimus warmly by the hand and said he was the very spit of -his father, with a strong look of his mother. Then he added: “I must -not forget my duty as an officer, and, as a matter of form, I claim the -island once more for the Empire.” - -“If you do,” said Ultimus quietly, “I shall blow you in pieces. I know -how the Fattish Empire treated my father, and, but for your kindly -thoughts of my mother, I would send you to join the ships which I am -only too happy to have destroyed if such a disaster can cause any -genuine commotion in Bondon. I will further caution you to be careful -what you say, as I am unaccustomed to society other than that of the -wise Siebenhaar, and already feel my soul filled with dislike and -contempt for you. This island is my island by inheritance, it is moving -by my will and I shall allow you to stay on it just as long as you are -useful to me.” - -Rear-Admiral Bich saw the strength of Ultimus’ position and was silent -until Siebenhaar asked him for news of civilisation, when he expressed -surprise that they had not heard of the war. - -“War?” said Siebenhaar. “Are they still at that game? Why, we were told -that the Fattero-Fattish war was to be the last.” - -“That,” replied the Admiral, “was a mere skirmish. There are six or -seven nations at war with Fatterland.” - -“Alas! my poor country!” cried the philosopher. “I knew how it would -be. Their infernal greed and conceit, their confusion of mind, their -slothfulness, their desire for discipline, their liking for monuments -and display, their want of tact, all these defects needed but success -for them to grow into active vice and plunge them into disaster. To -any nation a period of successful peace is fatal. The employment of -commercial cunning unredeemed by any other exercise of the mind is, -after a time, unutterably boring, and the most obvious relief from it -is found in the ideal of a nation in arms. Now that is a barren ideal. -To train men for so stupid and brutal a trade as the soldier’s is to -increase the already excessive amount of stupidity and brutality in the -world. To maintain large bodies of stupid and brutal men in arms is in -the end to be forced to find an excuse for using them. Human nature, -I fear, is incurably pugnacious and destructive. I have had to amend -many of my more optimistic opinions concerning the human race since I -have had the privilege of watching the development of our young friend -yonder. He is normal, healthy and intelligent, and acquainted with all -the resources of civilisation, physical and mental. There is hardly a -practical discovery of modern science that I have not placed at his -disposal for his use and amusement, but these do not satisfy him. He -is not exposed to the nervous pressure to which in our crowded modern -states I used to ascribe outbreaks of hostility. No. In the absence of -an enemy he must declare war upon his own handiwork, upon the elements, -upon the very earth itself.” - -“Before you go any further,” said the Rear-Admiral, “I should like -something to eat, and I should like to explain that on our side in the -war is the right. The Fatters have behaved like savages. They have -burned cities, murdered old men and children, raped women and committed -every outrage.” - -“I have seen something of warfare myself,” said Siebenhaar. “It is -a bestial occupation. When a man has become accustomed to slaughter -by license, what is there to make him stop at minor offences such as -theft, rape, and wounding? Soldiers who are unchaste in peace do not -become chaste when war is declared. In a friendly country the women -consent. In a hostile country some of them protest, generally because -they are panic-stricken and in terror of worse happening to them.” - -“This war,” said the Rear-Admiral, “is holy.” - -“I am a Fatter,” replied Siebenhaar, “and the Fatters have been taught -for generations that all war is holy and sanctifies all that is done in -its name.” - -“We,” said the Fattishman, “fight like gentlemen.” - -“And,” retorted the philosopher, “like gentlemen you burn and rape and -pillage.” - -“Your conversation,” said Ultimus, “has interested me extremely. I am -filled with a burning desire to see civilisation, war, soldiers, and, -above all, women. We will go to the centre of civilisation, and if I do -not like it I shall blow it in pieces.” - -“Two can play at that game,” said Bich. “We have explosives too.” - -For answer, Ultimus reached out and pressed two wires together. There -was a rumble, a crash, a thud, and hundreds of tons of rock were torn -away from the side of the mountain and hurled into the air to fall, -miles away, into the sea. - - -IV: WAR AND WOMEN - -As a sailor, Charles Bich, though middle-aged, liked nothing better -than to talk about women. He was sentimental about them, but at the -same time sensually appreciative of their beauty. To such an extent did -he inflame the young man’s imagination that Siebenhaar had to protest. - -“It is a shame,” he cried, “that the son of such a father should be -polluted with the obsessions of civilised men.” - -With the air of leaving no more to be said, Ultimus remarked: - -“I like them.” - -“So do all unintelligent men,” replied Siebenhaar, “and they are driven -mad by them and hope against hope for the day when all restraint will -be removed. This is another potent factor in the production of war. -Women are not to the same degree subject to these terrible obsessions, -but they do regret their limited opportunities in the organised society -of peace. Further, in times of war they like to think that men are -fighting for them, and they love to be regaled with stories of violence -and outrage, especially those who have been entirely chaste, and have -no hope of anything else.” - -The Rear-Admiral blushed. - -“When we fight,” he said, “we fight for our country, our King, our -Empire, for the all-red map of the world.” - -“These,” replied Siebenhaar, “are words. Country, King, Empire, are -protective ideas. What you love and what you defend is your mode of -living, which you have adopted partly because you have a prejudice in -favour of it, partly because you like it better than any other you -can conceive. Your living consists in eating, drinking, consorting -with women, and rearing any family you may produce. Everything else -is introduced merely to disguise any unpleasantness there may be in -the exercise of those functions. For the most part they are lies, -illusions, hallucinations, obsessions, which you find convenient to -cloak your unimportance. As a naval officer you justify the absurd -occupation by which you procure your livelihood. My young friend here -is under no such painful necessity and I wish him to be spared all -mental confusion.” - -“Personally,” interrupted Ultimus, “I do not wish to be influenced by -either of you. You, sir,” addressing Siebenhaar, “have given me all -the knowledge and wisdom you have stored up in your adventurous life, -and you, sir, have out of your life of duty, given me a new interest -in the two things, war and women, which have hitherto been denied me. -I am much obliged to you, and, if you don’t mind we will continue the -erection of the wireless installation we began yesterday, because I am -anxious to establish communication with the world as soon as possible.” - -Ultimus and Bich retired to the top of the mountain leaving Siebenhaar -sadly tracing on the sands a rough caricature of a woman. So horrible -was it to him that he could not finish it and obliterated it with his -foot. - - -V: WIRELESS - -Every day brought messages from the world. The Fattish had made -a glorious retreat of sixty miles. The Waltzians were offering a -glorious resistance to the Grossians. With the help of God the Fatters -had gloriously evacuated their trenches on the west, and heroically -withdrawn from a river on the east. With assistance from above the -Fattish navy had swept the Fatter flag from the seven seas. The -Bilgians had been nobly extinguished, though their flag was still -flying and their King ruled over a flooded country. Hundreds of -thousands of men were killed, wounded, and lost. From country to -country General congratulated General, Admirals sent their applause to -Field-Marshals, Statesmen exchanged bravos, and monarchs thanked each -other and God for timely assistance. - -Rear-Admiral Bich said: “Isn’t it glorious--glorious?” - -“At present,” replied Ultimus, “I am so confused that I can make -nothing of it. Why are they all so pleased with themselves? Do they -like to think of thousands of men dying?” - -“They have died for their country. They are heroes.” - -“I don’t see that. I cannot imagine myself going out of my way to die -for my island, and Fatland is also an island.” - -“Ah!” said the Rear-Admiral. “But there are no women on your island, no -little ones, no homes.” - -“There is Siebenhaar who has been father and mother to me, master and -instructor.” - -“Well! Suppose you saw men designing to murder Siebenhaar, would you -not raise a hand to defend him?” - -“Not if I saw there was not the remotest chance of saving him. But that -is nonsense. No one would want to murder Siebenhaar.” - -“I don’t know about that. There are times when he is so exasperating -that I hardly dare answer for myself.” - -“That is absurd,” replied Ultimus. “You know that I should destroy you -at once if you did anything to Siebenhaar. The case might be different -if you were in such a position that there would be consequences. But -why deal with hypothesis when you are confronted with facts?” - -The simple sailor was no hand at an argument, and just at that moment -there came the news of the loss of a Fattish fleet after an encounter -with the Fatters, with an account of the heroic death of the Commander, -Rear-Admiral Sir Charles Bich. - -Unfortunately the island was not yet in a position to transmit messages -and the unhappy Bich had to rest inactive, crushed with the burden of -the news of his own death and his inability to contradict it. - -“You see,” said Ultimus, “you _have_ died for your country, you are a -hero, and you do not like it at all.” - - -VI: BICH IS OBSTINATE - -The point was argued for many days. Bich would not withdraw from his -assertion that it was glorious to die for his country, but at the same -time he could not disguise his distress at having done so. - -“If I had died,” he said, “it would have been glorious.” - -“Only in the eyes of your countrymen,” said Siebenhaar. “You already -have that, and if you had died you would not have known anything about -it.” - -“There is a heaven above,” cried Bich. - -“Which you could never have entered. Has not Heaven enjoined you not to -kill and not to resist evil?” - -“In the service of my country!” - -“What does heaven know of your country? Heaven is eternal. Its laws are -for eternity. Your country, your Empire are mere temporary arrangements -for the convenience of a few millions of men and women who wish to -profit by the labours of people less fortunate than themselves. You are -therefore contending that it is glorious to die for a man’s material -advantage, or, in other words, for political and financial vested -interests.” - -“I am prepared at any moment to die for my country.” - -“You _have_ died.” - -“I have not.” - -“You have died and been given the glory attaching to such death.” - -“That is what I cannot bear.” - -“Then,” said Ultimus, “I will give you a root which will procure you -a perfectly painless death. I see that you do not mind dying for your -country so long as you do not know about it.” - -“And that,” put in Siebenhaar, “is where he is consistent. He is like -all the men of his time and condition; he does not mind living, in -fact he quite likes it, so long as he knows nothing about it and is -not called upon to realise what he is doing. When he is faced with the -consequences of such insensibility he is so appalled that he welcomes -the idea of death, if he can find some excuse for it. Therefore he -has invented a myth called his country and proposes to die for that. -According to his prejudices it is cowardly to draw a fire-arm upon -himself, but it is right and brave to place himself in the line of -some one else’s fire. Such a condition of imbecility is extremely -infectious. It sweeps through crowds of men like a disease through -cattle. But, as men are indomitably hopeful, they do not destroy each -other, as you, Ultimus, might suppose. No, they wait until they can -discover another crowd of men in the same lamentable condition, and -fall upon them in the hope of a victory which shall restore their -self-conceit and once more blind them to the appalling consequences of -their own ill-doing. And here, at last, we do touch upon one of the -prime causes of war. Superficially it looks as though the immediate -cause was this, that the governors of States make such a mess of the -affairs with which they are entrusted and reduce their people to so -lamentable a condition that they must seek war as an outlet, and to -give the male populace as soldiers the food which they have made it -impossible for them to earn as workers. There is also the consideration -that a large proportion of the male populace will be removed from all -possibility of making trouble. That is an interesting but a superficial -view which attaches more blame to the rich than they deserve. No. A -more profound analysis gives us the result I have previously indicated, -that wars are invariably due to moral epidemics. And, since the human -race will always be subject to them, there will always be war.” - -Ultimus had withdrawn at the beginning of the discussion. Having no -knowledge of men in herds, he could not follow the line of Siebenhaar’s -argument. He returned now to say that he had obliterated another -battle. On this the Rear-Admiral was excited and wished to know what -ships he had seen and what flag they were flying. - -“I do not know,” replied Ultimus, “but there were nine ships attacking -three and that struck me as so unfair that I decided to make an end of -it.” - -“But they may have been Fattish ships! Have you no regard for human -life?” - -Said Ultimus: - -“There was no sign of anything human. They looked like flies on the -water. When I see three scorpions attacking a smaller insect I always -kill the scorpions for their cowardice and the insect for having called -down their anger upon itself.” - -Rear-Admiral Bich drew himself up to his full height and said: - -“As a Christian I protest. As an officer and a gentleman I must ask you -to put me ashore at the first opportunity. They may be Fattish ships -which you have destroyed. My King and country need me.” - -“Come, come,” interposed Siebenhaar, “your King and country are -probably doing very well without you. They have an immense geographical -advantage which only the blind jealousy of the Fatters makes it -impossible for them to admit. You are already a hero; poems have in -all probability been written to your memory. You had better stay with -us. It will be much more amusing to see what effect Ultimus has on -civilisation than to plunge back into the fever which has seized it.” - -The Rear-Admiral looked scornful and very proud and said: - -“Herr Siebenhaar, on our previous acquaintance only the protection -of the late heroic Mr. Samways prevented me from denouncing you as a -Fatter spy. I have not forgotten.” - -“What,” asked Ultimus, “is a spy?” - -“Spies,” replied Siebenhaar, “are corrupt and useless people who are -sent out to frighten a hostile nation by making them think that the -enemy knows more about them than they do themselves. They are only used -when the desire for war is very strong. They exercise a paralysing -effect upon the civil population and deliver them up to the guidance of -their own military authorities. They are like microbes which carry the -war fever from one country to another. I regret that Sir Charles should -have so small an opinion of my intelligence as to think that my country -would make so trivial a use of me.” - -“I can’t stand all this talk,” muttered the Rear-Admiral, and he went -away and all night long paced up and down the sands on the other side -of the island, imagining that he was once more serving his King and -country on his own quarter-deck. - - -VII: PLANS - -In secret the indomitable servant of his country made himself a boat, -a coracle of palm branches and mud, and when, a week later, they came -in sight of land and Ultimus put in close to have a good look at it and -the little white city built by the mouth of a river, he put off in it -without so much as saying good-bye or thank you for the hospitality he -had received. - -“He will come back,” said Siebenhaar; “he will come and try to annex -the island. No Fattish officer can resist an island and the Fattish -have been known to waste thousands of lives in order to add a bare rock -or a pestilential swamp to their Empire. It is an amiable lunacy which -my unhappy race, who cannot appreciate their geographical disadvantage, -are trying to emulate. What is the news of the war to-day?” - -“The official reports all agree in saying that there is no further -development. Every capable man in every country is now bearing arms. -All other activity is at a standstill. Stern measures have had to be -taken by the various governments to stop the emigration of pregnant -women to the peaceful countries on the other side of the world.” - -“Ah!” said Siebenhaar, “I thought that would happen, I thought the -women would revolt as soon as war ceased to be an excitement and -became a trade.” - -“Some of the Governments,” added Ultimus, “are paying women over -forty-five years of age to go.” - -Siebenhaar chuckled. - -“It is time we interfered, Ultimus. When they lose their sense of -humour so far as that, it is time for action. We will go to Fatland. -Where are we now?” - -“Off the coast of Africa.” - -“We will lie out to sea until we have prepared the island against all -dangers. First of all we will blow up the harbour. Then we will mine -the shores all round. We will prepare the rocks on the tops of the -mountains for missiles and we will lay in a great stock of your new -transmissible explosive. We will then block the mouth of the great -Fattish river, and we shall see what we shall see. An intelligent use -of explosives should be able to counteract and if necessary to crush -the fatuous use of them that is now being made. We will try persuasion, -threats, and violence in that order to stop the war, and if then we -cannot succeed we will abandon the human race altogether and return to -our own Southern Seas.” - -“You forget,” expostulated Ultimus, “that I was drawn here out of -curiosity as to something else besides the war, and that is, woman.” - -“A man,” said Siebenhaar, “bears a grudge against woman for his birth; -he is a fool to burden himself with others against her.” - -“As I imagine them,” replied the young man wistfully, “they are -beautiful.” - -“Lord, Lord,” cried Siebenhaar, “if only a young man would be content -with his imaginings.” - - -VIII: IN FATTISH WATERS - -The island moved proudly up the Fattish channel, until they came within -sight of the land on either side of it. Here was drawn up a great array -of ships like those which had been destroyed in the Southern Seas. On -the foremost of the ships were hoisted a number of little flags which -Siebenhaar interpreted as saying: - -“Good morning. Welcome home.” - -Now, the fragmentary message recorded by the wireless gave the clue to -the purport of this signal. There had been a great rally of the Fattish -Empire, one colony had sent sacks of flour, another black currants, -another black men, another brown sugar; all came to the aid of the -motherland in her need, all forgot their grievances and vowed that they -never would be slaves. In the face of such a demonstration no doubt as -to whether the Fattish empire really existed could survive. Men who -would not admit black, brown, or yellow men to their clubs welcomed -them to their trenches. Such unity, such loyalty, such brotherhood, -must lead to victory. But victory was slow in coming and it was -becoming difficult to maintain interest in the war, when, suddenly, -there burst upon the Fattish public the news that the lost island was -responding to the call and even now coming to place its unique powers -of motion at the service of the Emperor-King. The miraculous had -happened. Once more it was obvious that the right was on the Fattish -side. Once more the streets of Bondon were thronged as on the eve of -the declaration of war. The map of the world with the red blot made -by George Samways was taken down and copies of it were sold for the -Imperial relief fund. It was supposed that George Samways, the only -hero of the last war, was on the island and had induced it to return to -the fold. His downfall was forgotten, his heroism remembered. - -Ultimus stopped the island and entered into communication by wireless -with the Fattish fleet. - -“Is that Samways Island?” - -“Yes.” - -“Is George Samways aboard?” - -“No. His son and his friend, Siebenhaar.” - -“What nationality is Siebenhaar?” - -“Fatter.” - -“He must be taken prisoner.” - -“Nonsense. He is an ex-engineer, now a philosopher.” - -“Fatter philosophers are writing the most scurrilous abuse of the -Fattish.” - -“Siebenhaar has been for the last twenty years on the island.” - -“Tell him to change his name before landing, or he will have to -register.” - -“We have no intention of landing.” - -“We did not get your last message correctly.” - -“We have no intention of landing.” - -“Don’t understand. May we send a deputation?” - -Ultimus replied: - -“I will receive one Cabinet Minister and the most beautiful woman in -Fatland. I shall be in the mouth of the river by two o’clock. You -had better move your ships and be very careful of the backwash. I -understand that the shores of the channel are strewn with wrecks.” - -Frantic messages then passed between the ships and the Admiralty in -Bondon. It would be extremely awkward to have the island in the river, -blocking the channels to the port, but the public were thinking of -nothing but the island, and, in default of George Samways, were quite -prepared to take his son to be their darling. There must not be a -hint anywhere of the possibility of the island’s being, after all, -disloyal. The Fattish had been very reticent about their relations with -God, whereas the Fatters had claimed him as their ally. The Fattish -had been favored with miracles, even as the Children of Israel. It was -decided to retain the miracle in the face of all risks and Mr. Samways -was promised that a Cabinet Minister accompanied by the most beautiful -woman in Fatland should call at four o’clock on the following day. - -The fleet turned and steamed away out of sight. - - -IX: AN AFTERNOON CALL - -The acknowledged most beautiful woman in Fatland was none other than -Arabella’s sister. She was fifty-three, but had managed to preserve -her reputation by the discreet publication of her connection with -illustrious men. She had one rival for the honour of the visit to the -island, a lovely creature, a brilliant singer of popular ballads, who, -during the crisis, had carried all before her and swept hundreds of -young men into the army with her famous ditty: “Won’t I kiss you when -you come back home?” However, her claims were disposed of by Arabella’s -sister astutely pointing out that she was the aunt of the young man -on the island, and therefore, if necessary, could be alone with him in -perfect propriety. - -In a motor launch she came out with the Lord High Chief of the -Admiralty in full-dress uniform. - -No sooner did she set eyes on Ultimus than she burst into tears and -cried that he was the living image of Arabella. She kissed him and he -drew back outraged and cried: - -“Don’t do that again.” - -Siebenhaar explained: - -“Your nephew, madam, has never seen a woman before and is naturally -alarmed. Your voice must sound strangely to his ears and your costume, -if you will forgive me, leaves room for considerable doubt as to the -normality of your anatomy. I think it would be as well if you made no -attempt to reassure him, but allowed him to look at you and to grow -accustomed to you while I engage your companion in conversation.” - -With that he turned to the Lord High Chief and said: - -“You can imagine that I am astounded to return after a long absence to -find civilisation plunged once more in the barbarism of war. Surely no -single one of the combatants has anything to gain by it.” - -“The war, sir, was not of our seeking.” - -“But you were prepared for it?” - -“By God we were. I had seen to that.” - -“Then you were prepared to join issue in any quarrel that might be -sought?” - -“We pledged our word to the Grossians and the Bilgians. Besides, -sir, apart from all that, the Fatters are jealous of our Empire, and -they have deliberately plotted for years to oust us commercially and -politically. They want us wiped off the map. But when it comes to -wiping----” - -“Does it ever come to that?” asked Siebenhaar. “Is Athens dead while -Plato lives? Is Rome forgotten while Virgil and Lucretius live in the -minds of men? Was there ever more in Spain than lives in Cervantes?” - -“I don’t know about that,” said the Lord High Chief; “but the Fatters -want to dominate the world.” - -“So did Alexander: so did Napoleon: but they wrought their own ruin.” - -“This is too deep for me,” replied the politician. “I want something -that the newspapers can get hold of. I want to know what you are up -to, how you found the island, how it came to move again, and, if it -isn’t a miracle of loyalty, what is it? Also I want to know what your -intentions are, because if you are not here to support us we shall have -to place you both under arrest,--er--that is, after you have moved the -island out of harm’s way.” - -Ultimus took Siebenhaar aside and said: “I want to go away. I have -been looking at the woman, and I think she is horrible.” - - -X: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN - -The Lord High Chief towards the end of the interview adopted a -peremptory tone and ordered the island to be taken through the enemy’s -minefield and then to blockade the enemy’s fleet. The island was to -be called H.M.S. Samways, to be manned with the crew of a first-class -battleship and commanded by a senior admiral. Ultimus refused -point-blank. He owed nothing to Fatland, and was not going to have -his island or his inventions used in a cause which he as yet did not -understand. The Lord High Chief stormed and blustered until Siebenhaar -told him the truth about Bich’s battle and the nature of the invention -of which Ultimus had spoken. The Lord High Chief went pale and muttered -that he should have thought his country’s cause good enough for any -man. However, since they were so obstinate, he invited the islanders -ashore and undertook to satisfy their curiosity with regard to the war, -or the events which immediately preceded it. Arabella’s sister proposed -that they should stay in her house, but her invitation was refused. - -No sooner had the visitors put off in the launch than Ultimus moved the -island further up the river until all channels were blocked and no ship -could get either in or out. - -“Now,” said Ultimus, “they will treat me with respect, and will not -rest content until they have satisfied me and persuaded me to move the -island once more.” - -The effect he desired was produced. They were taken up to Bondon in one -of the Royal motor-cars, and a whole floor in one of the most expensive -hotels was placed at their disposal. For the first time in his life -Ultimus slept in a bed and was so hot that he could not bear it. He -rang the bell in the middle of the night and a little chambermaid -appeared. - -“Take that thing away,” said Ultimus. - -The little chambermaid stared at him. - -“I don’t want it. I don’t like it,” he said, glowering at the girl’s -face. It was like a flower, like a star; it was beautiful. Ultimus -could not take his eyes off it. Her eyes smiled back at his amazed -curiosity. He stood and reeled and said: - -“I love you.” - -“Yes, sir,” replied the little chambermaid. - -“My father said the Fattish were false. I asked them to send me the -most beautiful woman in the land and they sent me a hideous old -creature.” - -“Yes, sir.” - -“Ah! Why did they not send you? We could have gone away at once, away, -away, where there are no old women, no battleships, no beds.” - -The little chambermaid by this time was fascinated, and she stayed with -Ultimus all night, while he talked and told her how he had desired to -see a woman and was now satisfied and never wished to see another, and -how when he had seen the war he and she would retire to the island. - -“Oh, sir,” said the little chambermaid. “And shall I be a Queen? And -won’t the Fatters ever be able to get near the island? They all say the -Fatters do awful things to women.” - -Ultimus took her to his breast and they were joined in the mystical -union of a kiss; and for many hours no word passed between them. - -In the morning they were disturbed by Siebenhaar, who came in -unsuspectingly, saw what had happened and withdrew discreetly, gave -orders to the management that Mr. Samways was not to be disturbed, and -went out to see Bondon in war-time. - - -XI: HIGH POLITICS - -The streets were full of young men in uniform. In the parks were young -men without uniform being drilled. Except for policemen, hall-porters, -street-scavengers, the town was empty, and when Siebenhaar asked a -policeman why it was so, he was informed that everybody had gone to -look at the island. - -Said the constable: “There was nothing like it since I was a boy, when -the war began.” - -Siebenhaar was taken aback. - -“How long?” he said. - -“Well! It’ll be a matter of fifteen years now, though it’s difficult to -remember. It goes on. Things get quiet in the winter. Then it begins -again with the fine weather, with a new list of Fatter atrocities. Then -there’s a new promise from the Emperor of Grossia; then we have another -rally of the Empire and things become livelier.” - -“I am astonished,” said Siebenhaar, “that a great free nation like the -Fattish should tolerate such a state of affairs.” - -“Bless you,” said the policeman, “I’ve forgotten what peace was like. -There’s a few old gentlemen hold meetings to talk about it, but we’re -used to it by now. I remember there used to be scares about our being -invaded, but they soon came to an end. We all take our spell at the -fighting, and, if we come home, settle down to work of one sort or -another. There’s no doubt about it, the Fatters would make a nasty mess -of things if we didn’t keep them bottled up.” - -Siebenhaar protested: “Surely you yourselves are making a nasty mess of -things?” - -“Oh!” replied the policeman. “That’s over the water. You soon forget -about it when you get back home. It would be funny, sir, if that there -island were to put a stop to the war. We’d hardly know what to do with -our young men.” - -Siebenhaar’s blood boiled. A great nation, with a tradition of freedom, -could acquiesce in such arrest of its life, such wanton sacrifice of -its youth! - -He visited the Lord High Chief and found him just out of his bed in a -suit of blue silk pajamas. Breakfast was laid before him and he offered -Siebenhaar coffee. It was refused. - -“I am come, sir, to tell you that the island will not be used to assist -you. It will be used to stop the war.” - -“Stop the----?” - -“As I say.” - -“Come, come, sir. The war cannot be stopped until all parties to it -agree to our terms of settlement. It is a matter of high politics, -which it takes an expert to understand. We have the matter well in -hand. The country was told at the beginning that it was to be a long -war. It will be finished when our terms are agreed upon and not before.” - -“And those terms are----?” - -“They are known to my colleagues and myself. When the settlement is -concluded they will be laid before the country.” - -“And have you, sir, during the last fifteen years ever risked your life -on land or sea? Have you suffered in pocket or in health? Have you been -deprived of even a luxury?” - -“For fifteen years I have been the hardest worked man in the country. -I have practically lived in this office. When things were going badly -with us I made speeches up and down the country.” - -“Asking young men to give their lives and thank God for the privilege -of dying before they had tasted the full sweetness of life.” - -“It is their country’s life against theirs.” - -“You say so.” - -“The Fatters will make an end of us if they don’t.” - -“Have you made an end of the Fatters?” - -“No. But we will before we have done.” - -“Are the Fatter women all stricken with barrenness?” - -“Not that I know of.” - -“Then you cannot make an end of the race.” - -“We can smash their Empire.” - -“A word. Can you smash a word? You seem to me, sir, to talk and act as -though a nation were an abstraction instead of a collection of human -beings, bound together by language, manners, and religion.” - -“It is a matter of high politics.” - -“It seems to me, sir, that war is the logical outcome of your view -of national life, and that a nation without a war is not a nation. I -should imagine that a war greatly facilitates the task of government. -The rich can always be trusted to look after themselves, but the -poor are rendered impotent. I cannot raise a hand to support either -such a view or such a condition. You have attained the ideal of high -politics, the sacrifice of domestic affairs to international relations. -I congratulate you. I decline all further hospitality at your hands. -My young friend has already realized one of his ambitions. I shall -request the Emperor of Fatterland to satisfy the other. We shall go -to Fatterland to-morrow and see the war which you have been able to -confine to other countries.” - -“Herr Siebenhaar,” shouted the Lord High Chief, “you shall do no such -thing. The public has taken the island to its heart. You will consider -yourself under arrest.” - -Siebenhaar smiled sweetly: - -“I have seen the Fattish public take Mr. George Samways to its heart -and I have seen it reject him. I do not think you will arrest me, for, -before leaving the island we arranged an explosion to take place -two days from now in case of our non-return. Such an explosion would -project thousands of tons of rock over your city.” - - -XII: THE PUBLIC - -Ultimus refused to be separated from the lady of his choice, and when -Siebenhaar said he must return to the island the little chambermaid -declared her willingness to go if she could be married first. - -“You need not worry about that,” grumbled Siebenhaar. “There will be no -other women on the island, no one to care whether you are married or -no, no one to bully you if you have dispensed with the ceremony, and -Ultimus has no relations except his aunt, who will never forgive him -for his frankness. I warn you that on our island you will find none of -the excitements of the great hotel, neither the advantages of society -nor its disadvantages.” - -“I will come,” said the little chambermaid, “if you will let me tell my -mother that I am married. It would kill her if she thought I was not.” - -“A lie more or less in a community is no great matter, since its -existence depends upon lies,” said Siebenhaar. - -So the chambermaid wrote to her mother, packed her belongings in her -tin box, and with Siebenhaar and Ultimus was driven in the royal -motor-car to the docks. The last few miles they drove through enormous -cheering crowds, men, women, and children, singing as they went. - - “Won’t I kiss you when you come back home, - My soldier boy! - For my heart is with you as you cross the foam, - My soldier boy! - You are big and you are brave, - From the Huns our homes to save, - Or to find a hero’s grave. - Won’t I kiss you when you come back home!” - -A motor launch took them swiftly out to the island and there Ultimus -was proud to show the little house he had built and the gardens he had -made. - -In the afternoon they went up to the top of the mountain, where an -amazing sight met their eyes. Through the smoke loomed the towers and -domes and chimneys of the great city, and on the banks of the river for -miles stretched the crowds of people, and others came along the roads, -pouring in on foot, in carts, and wagons. Ultimus was seized with -nausea, which soon gave place to rage and he stamped his foot on the -ground and cried: - -“There are too many of them. Let me destroy them.” - -But Siebenhaar wept and said: - -“Rather destroy those heartless men who herd them like cattle and -rob them of the fruits of their labour and bid them believe in a God -whom they deny, a national idea which they can maintain only by the -destruction of life and the ruin of the nation. Destroy those who -sacrifice beauty to their pleasures, and love to their obstinate pride. -See, the city must be empty now, destroy it.” - -Ultimus moved his hand and in one moment the domes, towers and chimneys -of the city disappeared. The island moved and the crowd, seeing that -which they had come to see, clapped their hands and shouted until the -island disappeared. - - -XIII: THE EMPEROR - -In a few hours they were off the coast of Fatterland, and had -blocked up the harbour where the Fatter fleet lay in hiding from the -overwhelming superiority of the Fattish. The Emperor himself, who had -already heard of the destruction of Bondon, came out to greet them. He -had information as to Siebenhaar’s previous career and he decorated him -at sight with a Silver Eagle. To Ultimus he handed an Iron Cross. - -The Emperor was dressed in a large brass helmet, a white suit with a -steel cuirass, and enormous shining boots. He was a little man and very -pompous. - -“God,” he said, “has blessed you.” - -“How do you know?” asked Siebenhaar. - -“God,” said the Emperor, “has preserved the Fatterland, through me.” - -“On this island,” retorted Siebenhaar, “we are accustomed to talk -sense. There would have been no need for God or anybody else to defend -Fatterland if you had not so wantonly destroyed peaceful relations with -other countries.” - -The Emperor removed his helmet. - -“What a relief!” he said. “No one has ever talked sensibly to me -before. You don’t know how sick I am of being an Emperor with everybody -assuming that I don’t wish to think of anything but my own dignity. I -am not allowed to think or talk of anything else.” - -“Has it ever occurred to you,” asked Siebenhaar, “that a dignity which -requires over a million soldiers to maintain it is hardly worth it? -Have you ever thought that the million soldiers are maintained not for -your dignity, but because their housing, their feeding, their equipment -are all exceedingly profitable to a few men?” - -“I have often thought that,” replied the Emperor, “but I have never -found a soul willing to discuss it with me. When I meet other Emperors -the same dreadful thought haunts all of us, but none of us dare speak -of it, for we are watched night and day, and what we are to say to -each other is written by young men in the Government Offices.” - -The Emperor began to cry. - -“Four million men have been killed since the war began, and everybody -says it is my fault. I didn’t make the war, I didn’t, indeed I didn’t. -It was not in my power to make war, any more than it is in my power to -stop it. Horrible things have been done by the soldiers.” - -“Poor wretches!” said Siebenhaar. “How can they be anything but -bestial, deprived as they are of all that makes life sweet?” - -“How, indeed?” asked the Emperor. “Thousands have died of dysentery, -or cholera, and enteric and typhoid. Hundreds of thousands more of -starvation and exposure. It is impossible, I tell you, impossible to -prevent organisation breaking down. Contractors!” He shook his fists. -“Ah! There is nothing contractors will not do, from sending bad food -to insisting on being paid for food they have never sent. Ah! the -villains! the villains! And to think that my name is being execrated -throughout the world.” - -The Emperor looked about him uneasily. - -“And now, Herr Siebenhaar, what am I to tell them on my return? That -your marvellous island is the gift of God to the Fatter people?” - -“Say nothing,” replied Siebenhaar, “except that Mr. Ultimus Samways -wishes to see the war. We are neutral territory. If we have damaged -Bondon we have in coming here cleared your minefields and we propose -to keep your fleet bottled up and shall destroy it unless Mr. Samways -returns in safety within a week.” - -“We have had a delightful talk and it has been refreshing to me to -discover a philosopher who is greater than an Emperor.” - -Siebenhaar laughed and said he looked forward to the day when -capitalists and contractors discovered that the world contained a power -greater than their own. - -“I also,” said the Emperor, “possess an island. I shall be happy when -the war is over and I can retire to it and live in peace and devote -myself to the delightful and harmless pursuit of painting bad pictures.” - -He promised that an airship should be sent for Ultimus, and said -good-bye cordially and regretfully. As he put his helmet on he said: - -“I have to wear this infernal thing, though it always gives me a -headache.” - -“Now,” said Siebenhaar to Ultimus, “you have seen the unhappy -individual who is called the man-eater of Europe.” - -“Was that the Emperor?” asked the chambermaid. “Why, they told me he -had a tail and always walked about with bleeding baby’s legs in his -hands!” - - -XIV: WAR - -The airship was a great delight to the inventive genius of Ultimus. -He had it brought to earth on the shore and examined the engines and -propellers, and its ingenious steering apparatus. The officer in -charge of it was discreet and silent, a stiff martial gentleman whose -intelligence and humanity were completely hidden by his uniform. He -had brought a declaration to be signed by Ultimus, saying that he was -a non-belligerent and did not represent any newspaper. For Siebenhaar -he had brought a bundle of newspapers of every country so that he might -read what the nations were saying of each other. - -At last Ultimus’ curiosity was satisfied, and he stepped into the -observation car, the engines started purring and the great fish-shaped -balloon rose into the air. - -Ultimus was surprised to see how little his island was and when they -passed over into Fatterland he cried: - -“Why, there is room for everybody! How wrong I was to hate the Fattish -for being so many! Why do not some of them come and live here if there -is no room for them on their island?” - -“They’d have a warm time of it if they did,” said the officer. - -“Why? Don’t you like the Fattish?” - -“They are pirates and thieves. They are jealous of our honest -commercial success. They and they only are responsible for this war. -They have set half the nations of Europe to attack us, but they attack -in vain. We are glorious warriors, but they are only commercial -travellers.” - -“In Fatland,” replied Ultimus, “they say that they are glorious -warriors, but you are only machines. And they say that you are jealous -of their Empire, and for years have been planning to destroy their -fleet.” - -“What nonsense!” said the officer. - -They had been thousands of feet in the air, often above the clouds. - -“We are approaching the western frontier.” - -They descended. A booming and roaring came up and a queer crackling -sound. There were flashes of light and puffs of smoke, but nowhere were -there signs of any men save far, far away on the roads behind the lines -of smoke and flashes of light. - -“That,” said the officer, “is the war.” - -“But where are the men who are doing it?” - -The officer pointed to black zigzag parallel lines in the ground. - -“They are there. Those are trenches. They are impregnable. Years ago, -at the beginning of the war there was some barbarous fighting with -bayonets, but since we took up those positions there is nothing but -what you see. Each year makes those positions stronger, nothing can -move the armies from them. While the war lasts, they will be held. Is -it not splendid? It is just the same on the eastern frontier, though -the line there is a hundred miles longer. Ah! It is the greatest war -the world has ever seen.” - -They came lower until they could see into the trenches. There were -men playing cards, others sleeping; another was vomiting. Another was -buttoning up his trousers when his head was blown off. His body stood -for a moment with his hand fumbling at his buttons. Then it collapsed -ridiculously. One of the men who was playing wiped a card on his -breeches and then played it. Another man went mad, climbed out of the -trenches and rushed screeching in the direction whence the missile had -come. - -“I have seen enough,” said Ultimus. “Why do they go there?” - -“Because if they did not Fatterland would be overrun with the savages -hired by the Fattish.” - -“Would that be worse?” - -“It would not last so long,” replied the officer, “but we should have -lost our honour as a nation.” - -“That,” said Ultimus, “is exactly how the most beautiful woman in -Fatland talks. What is this honour?” - -“It is holy,” said the officer with so fatuously fervent an expression -that Ultimus laughed. - -“Does your Highness wish to see the eastern frontier?” - -“No, thank you. That is enough.” - -The airship soared up. It was now night. The stars came out and Ultimus -mused: - -“Out of all the planets why should this be tortured with the life of -men? Is it their vast numbers that drive them mad? Or are they so vile -that war is their normal condition and peace only a rest from it?” - -For the first time Ultimus responded to the beauty of the world. They -flew low over mountains, and great rivers and wide valleys. The variety -of it all entranced him, accustomed as he was to the monotony of the -sea and the narrow limitations of the island. Apart from the horror of -war it was amazing to him that men should desert such loveliness to -spend their days in holes dug in the ground. - - -XV: SIEBENHAAR ON SOCIETY - -Meanwhile on the island the philosopher and the chambermaid lived -through difficult hours. The girl wept without ceasing and said if -she had known how dull it was going to be she never would have come. -Remembering Arabella’s dissatisfaction, Siebenhaar said: - -“Women have no resources within themselves. They take life too -seriously. It is never amusing to them. Society is organised for their -protection and amusement and they take no interest in it, and let men, -who are only worried or irritated by it, bring it to ruin without a -protest. Women are the criminals who are responsible for everything, -for they encourage men in their vanity and weaken them in their power. -They desire safety, and detest originality, intellect, imagination.” - -The chambermaid sobbed: “I thought it was going to be fun to be a -Queen, but there is no fun in reigning over sticks and stones.” - -“Women,” said Siebenhaar, “want their lovers and their babies and their -fun. When they have to choose between the three, they choose their fun. -No. They are not the criminals; it is men who are that for letting -them have their fun to keep them quiet. Oh! Ultimus, that was a true -instinct of yours to destroy them in their thousands!” - - -XVI: PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS - -Ultimus was gone exactly a week, during which time he saw all the -preparations for the war, the countless widows and orphans created by -it, the stoppage of other business, the immense activity at arsenals, -boot factories, and cloth mills, and chemical laboratories, the soup -kitchens for the starving, among whom he was horrified to see thousands -of men who had returned maimed from the trenches. What perhaps appalled -him most was the gaiety of the children. - -He mentioned this to Siebenhaar on his return. The philosopher said: - -“They have been born since the war began and do not conceive of life -being otherwise.” - -“It must end,” said Ultimus, and he sank into a deep reverie. The -strangest result of his experience was that the sight of the little -chambermaid filled him with disgust. When he thought of the peaceful -and profoundly stirring existence out of which he and Siebenhaar had -come he could not but contrast it with the obscene excitement in which -he had found her. That she could accept and welcome his embraces when -she knew, as he did not, the bestiality towards maintaining which the -energies of Europe were devoted, filled him with so bitter an anguish -that he could hardly endure the sight of her. When he thought that he -and she might be bringing another life into a world made so unworthy -of human life, then he thought that he could never forgive her. His -impulse was to escape, to leave the benighted nations to their fate, -but, when he thought of the suffering he had seen, he found that he was -bound to them by more than curiosity. He had seen war and could not -rest until he had done his utmost to expunge it from the minds of men. -He had lived in a pure happiness familiar with all the intellectual -discoveries of the human mind; now he had gained the love of beauty and -a more passionate incentive to live. What room was there now among all -those millions of men for intellect and beauty? - -Siebenhaar had made good use of the newspapers. - -“It is clear to me,” he said, “that this war happened through stupidity -and jealousy. They all invented excuses for it after the outbreak of -hostilities. There is no reason why it should not end as suddenly as it -began. It is too much to expect men debauched by fifteen years of war -to see reason, but they will understand force. We will use force.” - -Together they drew up the following manifesto: - - SAMWAYS ISLAND, - OFF EUROPE. - - We, the undersigned, lately arrived in Europe, on discovering its - unanimous betrayal of civilisation, hereby declare as follows: - - (1) We have destroyed Bondon. - - (2) The power which did that will be used against any of the present - belligerents not consenting to lay down their arms. - - (3) Upon the declaration of peace the fleets of the hostile nations - are to be collected and sunk, the guns and ammunition of the various - disbanded armies having first been laded in them. Neutral nations - will then be invited by us to destroy their fleets and disband their - armies. - - (4) Nations in future will have no high political relations with each - other except through a central government. - - (5) Recognising the natural pugnacity of the human race and its - love of spectacular effect, we suggest that in future nations which - arrive at a complete misunderstanding should, with the consent of the - central government, declare war on each other for a period of not - less than one week and not more than one month, the nations to place - in the firing line only the incurably diseased, the incorrigibly - criminal, the lunatic and the imbecile, and all of those convicted of - exploitation and profit-sharing. - - (6) Not more than two thousand men are to be employed on either side, - and the sphere of operations is to be narrowly limited. If desired, - and to encourage a knowledge of the horror of war, we suggest that - such wars be paid for by admitting spectators at a price. - - (7) Wars are only to take place in August. - - (8) Naval war is to be prohibited altogether as too barbarous. The - central government will maintain an armed fleet for the suppression - of pirates. - - (9) Weapons and machines designed for the destruction of human life - are only to be manufactured by the central government. - - (10) Acknowledging that follies do not die easily and that nations at - war will always desire territory as a trophy, we are willing to place - the island at the service of the central government as the prize to - be fought for. It can always be found by wireless. - - (11) We submit that there shall be no discussion of the terms of - settlement until the central government is set up and a proper - tribunal is constituted to deal with all claims. The first step in - the interest of parties is disarmament, and upon that we insist. - - (Signed) IGNATZ SIEBENHAAR. - ULTIMUS SAMWAYS. - - - -XVII: PEACE - -This manifesto was transmitted by wireless to all parts of the world. -It was published in the newspapers of America, and therefore could -not be suppressed by the various National Committees for Keeping the -Public in the Dark. Ultimus received invitations to all the capitals -of the belligerent nations. He said that if they had anything to say -they could say it by wireless. Meanwhile if nothing was said the Fatter -fleet would be destroyed within a week: the Fattish fleet immediately -after it: and the various ports and capitals would one by one meet the -fate of Bondon. - -A great deal was said. Almost every day mean little men, who looked as -though they had been fat only a short time before and then scorched, -arrived to offer Ultimus his own price for his new explosive. They all -said the same thing: the enemy alone was responsible for the war and -it would never end until the enemy was destroyed. Therefore, in the -interests of civilisation and universal peace, Mr. Samways ought to -sell, nay, give to humanity the secret of his invention. - -“I am using it in the interests of civilisation,” said he, “and, as you -see, I am resisting all temptation to make money out of it. The proper -use of an explosive is that for which I made mine, namely, to destroy -every ugly and useless thing I had made.” - -And the mean little men went away. Two of them committed suicide on -their way back to shore, so troubled were they at being deprived of -the monopoly which had enabled them to drive millions of men to the -slaughter that the rest might be miserable slaves in their hands. - -As a matter of fact, these two had been ruined by the destruction -of Bondon, upon which they had been dependent for the world-wide -circulation of their credit. - -Day after day brought the news of the suicide of one great financier -after another, and the army contractors, realising that they might -not be paid for their efforts, abandoned them. No food or supplies -reached the armies, which came home in search of food. The Emperors -of Fatterland and Grossia fled to their country estates. The Emperor -of Waltzia had been dead for ten years, though his death had been -concealed. - -Before long a number of intelligent men from every country had met -in Scandinavia and a central government was proclaimed. The Fattish, -Fatter, Grossian, Waltzian, and Coqdorian fleets were collected in the -North Sea, and Ultimus had the great satisfaction of driving the island -through them. - - -XVIII: THE RETURN OF THE ISLAND - -And now Ultimus could breathe again. Came the news every day of -tremendous rejoicings in all the countries, and in all the name of -Ultimus Samways was blessed. He was asked by every one of them to -anchor his island off their shores, but he replied: - -“Not until the lunatic that is in every European is dead, can I dwell -among you. It is easy for you, whose lives are shallow to forget. But -I have seen and suffered and I cannot forget. When you have discovered -the depths in your own lives and each man recognises the profound -wonder of every other, then will the thought of the philosopher -Siebenhaar be as fertile seed among you and you will reap the harvest -of brotherhood.” - -When he had sent this message to the United States of Europe he sought -out the little chambermaid and said to her: - -“I beg your forgiveness. I have let the horror of war break in upon my -devotion to you. We are making for the Southern Seas. If you prefer it -you can retire to Bondon, though I must warn you that your luxurious -hotel is now a hospital for the cure of astute business men.” - -The little chambermaid replied: - -“I did want to go to see the fun when peace was declared, having seen -the fun in the streets when they declared war. But it’s come over me -now that I love you and only you, and I want to be by your side to give -you all the happiness you have brought into my heart.” - -And Siebenhaar said: - -“This is a mystery past the understanding of men, but the -understanding is its servant.” - - - - -Gynecologia - - -I: HISTORY - -I, Conrad P. Lewis, of Crown Imperial, Pa., U.S.A., do hereby declare -that the following narrative of my adventures is a plain truthful tale -with nothing added or taken away. At the end of a long life I am able -to remember unmoved things that for many years I could not call to mind -without horror and disgust. Even now I cannot see the charming person -of my daughter without some faint discomfort, to be rid of which (for I -would die in peace) I have determined to write my story. - -The whole civilised world will remember how, during the years when -Europe was sunk under the vileness of a scientific barbarism, there -was suddenly an end of news from Fatland. Our ships that sailed for -her ports did not return. Her flag had disappeared from the high -seas. Her trade had entirely ceased. She exported neither coal nor -those manufactured goods which had carried her language, customs, -and religion to the ends of the earth. Her colonies (we learned) had -received only a message to say that they must in future look after -themselves, as, indeed, they were as capable of doing as any other -collection of people. In one night Fatland ceased to be. - -It was at first assumed that her enemies the Fatters had invaded and -captured her, but, clearly, they would not destroy her commerce. -Moreover, the Fatters were at that time and for many years afterwards -living in a state of siege, keeping nine hostile nations at bay upon -their frontiers. This was the last of the great wars, leading, as we -now know, to the abolition of the idea of nationality, which endowed a -nation with the attributes of a vain and insolent human being, so that -its actions were childish and could only be made effective by force. -When that idea died in the apathy and suffering and bitterness of the -years following the great wars then the glorious civilisation which we -now enjoy became possible. - -The disappearance of Fatland took place shortly after the outbreak -of hostilities, which, from the practice which the Europeans had in -those days, was always accomplished with great expedition. Every four -years or so, when the exhausted nations once more had enough young -men over eighteen, there would be some little quarrel, or an arranged -assassination, or an ambassador would be indiscreet. One war, I -remember, broke out over a scuffle between two bakers in the streets -of Bondon: they were a Fattishman and a Fatter, and they had been -arguing over the merits of the Fattish loaf and the continental bâton. -The Press of both countries took it up: their governments had a good -class of troops that year and they did not hesitate to use them. We, in -the Western world, were accustomed to it by then and knew how to keep -our trade alive through neutral countries. Also, I regret to say, we -had engaged upon the dreadful traffic in war material. In those days -we were still bounded by the primitive civilisation of Europe. We had -not been wakened to manhood and the way of life and eternity, we had -not been taught to be elemental in our own elemental continent by the -sublime masterpiece of Junius F. Hohlenheim. - -When it became clear that Fatland could not be in the hands of the -Fatters: when, moreover, we were told that she was taking no part in -the last and bloodiest of the wars, and when, after many months, there -came no news of any kind, then our merchant-monarchs (now happily -extinct) fitted out an expedition, with credentials to the Fattish -Government, if any. Wild rumors had spread that the Gulf Stream was -diverted, making the Skitish islands uninhabitable, but I had just -then returned from a voyage to Norroway and knew that it was not so. -I had gazed at the coasts of the mysterious islands with pity, with -curiosity, with sad and, I must own it, sentimental longing. Were they -not our home? We were still colonists in those days, always looking -to other lands than that in which we lived. “O Fatland,” I cried. -“O mother inviolate!” But we had the captain’s wife on board and she -laughed and said that was not the adjective to apply to a mother. - - -II: CASTAWAY - -On my return I married and put my savings into my father-in-law’s -brush-making business, which was almost at once ruined, and I had to -go to sea again. Government money had been got for the expedition I -told you of, and I knew that pay would be higher on that account. I -sent in an application, and, having an uncle well placed, was taken on -as third officer. A dirty little gunboat had been put in commission, -and directly I set eyes on her I knew the voyage would be unlucky. We -were but three days out when we had trouble with the propeller shaft -and were carried far north among the ugliest ice I ever saw, and -narrowly escaped being caught in a floe. Fortunately we ran into a -southward current in the nick of time and, with a fresh wind springing -up, were quickly out of danger. However, the years of war had added -another peril to those of nature. We fouled a mine among the islands -of Smugland and were blown to bits. At the time I was standing near a -number of petrol cans, and when I came to the surface of the water I -found some of them floating near me. I tied six of them together and -they made a tidy little raft, though it was very uncomfortable. On them -I drifted for four days until hunger and thirst were too much for me -and I swooned away. I was then past agony and my swoon was more like -passing into an enchantment than a physical surrender. - -I was not at all astonished, therefore, when I came to my senses to -find myself in a bed with a man sitting by my bedside. Very glad was I -to see him, and I cried out in a big voice: - -“Kerbosh! If I ain’t got into heaven by mistake.” - -The man shook his head sadly and said: - -“Heaven? No.” - -But I could not shake off the feeling that I was in Heaven. The man -had long hair and a beard, and I could be pardoned for taking him -for Peter. He wore a rough shift, a long kilt below his knees, and -thick stockings, and by his elbow on a little table, was another -stocking which he had been knitting. He gave me food and drink, and I -at once felt stronger, but somewhat squeamish, so that the sense of -hallucination clung about me. When I asked where I was, the man tiptoed -to the door, opened it and listened, then returned to my bedside and -said in a whisper: - -“It is as much as my place is worth, but I would warn you as man to -man to make good your escape while you may. As man to man, I say it, -man to man.” - -He was so terribly excited as he said this that I decided in my own -mind that he was a harmless lunatic, one of the many whom the great -wars had rendered idiotic. To humour him I repeated: - -“As man to man.” - -And I put out my hand. He seized it and said in a desperate voice: - -“I am old enough to be your fa----” - -Footsteps sounded on the stairs and in absolute terror he stopped, took -up his knitting and plied the needles frantically. - - -III: MY CAPTOR - -The footsteps came up to the door of the room in which I lay. The -door opened to reveal a truly remarkable figure; plump, short, with a -tousled mop of reddish-grey hair and a wide, pleasant, weather-beaten -face. This figure was clad in a loose blue coat and Bulgarian trousers, -very baggy about the hips and tight about the calves; not at all an -unbecoming costume, though it both puzzled and pained me. So much so -that I pretended to be asleep, for I was averse to being made to -speak to this strange object. A woman’s voice addressed the man with -the knitting and asked him how I was. He replied that I had come to my -senses and gone to sleep again. As luck would have it, the food I had -eaten so hastily began just then to cause me acute discomfort, and my -body, escaping my control, relieved itself after its fashion. Thereupon -the woman, perceiving that I was malingering, fell upon me and shook -me until my teeth rattled and delivered herself of an oration upon the -deceitfulness of man. I was still suffering acutely and could offer -no resistance, though I cried out that I was an American citizen and -neutral and should have the matter brought to the ears of my Government. - -“In this country,” said my assailant, “men are men and are treated as -such, and we do not recognize the existence of any other country in -the world. You will get up now and place your superior strength at -the service of those who feed you and as far as possible justify your -existence.” - -The man with the knitting had crept from the room. He returned with a -shift, a kilt and stockings like his own. I was made to put these on, -the woman, in defiance of all decency, watching me and talking shrilly -all the time. Then she drove the man and myself out of doors and set us -to work at hoeing in a field of turnips, while she whistled to a dog -that came bounding over a hedge, and trudged off in the direction of a -wood. - -“Who is she?” said I. “Is she your wife?” - -“Wife?” answered he. “Wife! There is neither marriage nor giving -in marriage. She is a farmer, and I, who was once a Professor of -Economics, am her labourer. Intellectually I am in despair, but -physically I am in such rude health that I cannot entertain the thought -of self-destruction long enough to commit the act. She is my niece, and -when the change came she undertook, as all women did, to provide work -for her male relatives above a certain age.” - -“Change?” I whispered. “What change?” - -“Have you not heard?” he said. “Is the country severed from the -civilised world?” - -I informed him of the expedition which I had joined. He gave a long -hopeless sigh and fell into a great silence which moved me far more -than his words had done. We plied our hoes in the immense field which -was situated in a desolate region of slight undulations the outlines of -which were blurred with rank growth. - -Presently I broke in upon his silence to ask his name. - -“I was,” he murmured, “I was Professor Ian Baffin.” - -“Can it be possible?” I cried, for the fame of that great man was -world-wide, and during the notorious Anti-Trust elections in my country -his works had been in every cultured home. I told him this, but it -brought him no comfort. - -“At the time of the change,” he said, “I and fifty other Professors -and Fellows of Colleges published a manifesto in which we pointed out -the disasters that must ensue, and we even went so far as to promise -them degrees at the major universities, but the change came and the -universities were destroyed.” - -“What change?” I asked again. - -He leaned on his hoe and gazed toward the setting sun. - - -IV: THE CHANGE - -“About the tenth year of the second of the great wars,” he said, -“there was a convulsion in the country. A young idealist appeared who -with fiery and vulgar eloquence proclaimed that war was the triumph -of the old over the young, to whom since the world began justice had -never been done. The old, he said, were in the position of trustees -who had betrayed their trust and instead of working for the benefit of -the endless army of the young who came after them, devoted all their -energies to robbing them of their birthright. To extricate themselves -from the punishment which must otherwise have fallen on them they -exploited the courage and love of adventure of the young and set them -to destroy each other. So successful had they been in this device that -they could count on using it at least once in every generation, and -politicians knew that when they were at the end of their tether they -could always procure a continuance of their offices and emoluments -by declaring war. This had been the condition of civilised existence -for so many thousands of years that it was generally accepted and the -truth was never suspected until our young idealist arrived with honey -on his lips for the young and gall and bitter invective for the old. -He rushed up and down the country persuading young men on no condition -to take up arms. ‘Government?’ he said. ‘What government do you need -except such as will provide you with roads, railways, lighting, bread -for the incapacitated, and drainage for all?’ I signed a manifesto -against him too. His ignorance of economics was pitiful. In the end -martial law was proclaimed and he was shot. The young men did not -listen to him, but the young women did. Shooting him was a mistake. -It gave his name the magic of martyrdom. By the thousand, women, old, -young, and middle-aged, cherished his portrait in their bosoms, prayed -to him in secret, vowed themselves to his cause, and remained chaste. -Nunneries were founded in his name, but so potent was the spell of his -martyrdom, so overwrought were the women of this country by the many -crises through which we have passed, that amid all the temptations of -life they were dedicated to his memory and preserved their virginity. -They said if the country can find no better use for our sons than to -send them to the slaughter and disablement, we will breed no sons. The -Government was warned, but like all governments they could not see -beyond the system by which they governed, and when at last they were -convinced that something serious was happening, they could think of no -other remedy than that of giving votes, i.e. a share in the system by -which they enjoyed their positions. At first, to show their contempt -for the Government, the women did not use their votes until the country -was shown by an energetic and public-spirited woman that another war -was in the making. An election was forced and the Government was -defeated. At the conclusion of the second great war you may remember -that Bondon was destroyed, and with it the Houses of Parliament and the -Royal Palace. A new capital was chosen, but as Fatland was no longer -the center of the world’s credit system, finance had lost its old -power. A new type of politician had arisen, who, in order to win favour -with the women, set himself to do all in his power to make government -impossible. The enormous numerical superiority of the women made -their leaders paramount in the land, though there was still officially -a Cabinet and a House of Swells. On the third and last outbreak of -hostilities the officials made their final despairing effort and -declared war on Fatterland, but they had no army. They had been unable -to rebuild their fleet as all the other countries had done. They were -helpless. The Cabinet and the House of Swells, to set an example to the -country, armed themselves and went to the front, taking with them the -last ten thousand young men in the country. They never returned and -the country was left populated solely by old men, cripples, and women, -of whom a few thousand were pregnant. These were interned. A committee -of influential women was formed and issued a decree that Fatland would -henceforth have no share in male civilisation. Men had, to cut a long -story short, made a mess of things, and women would now see what they -could do. They began by abolishing property in land. The first, the -only important thing was to feed the population. The State guaranteed -to everybody food, housing, and clothes. Able-bodied women were to take -charge of their male relatives and make them useful. Decent women, -that is to say virgins, were to work on the land. All women guilty of -childbirth were to be sent to work in the factories. I cannot remember -all the laws made, for my memory has been impaired by my sufferings, -but they were all dictated by an unreasoning and venomous hatred of -men. We are little better than slaves. They laugh at us affectionately, -but they despise and ignore our thoughts. They have defied every -economic law, but astonishingly they continue to live.” - -“Indeed,” said I, “the world goes on. The sun sets and will rise as it -has done these millions of years, with change upon change, folly upon -folly beneath it. We turn up the earth for the food we eat and so we -live. Truly I think there is some wisdom in these women.” - -The sun went down, a bell rang in the farmhouse, we shouldered our hoes -and returned thither, each busy with his own thoughts. - - -V: THE HOMESTEAD - -To my annoyance I found that the bell was not a summons to a meal, but -to a meeting of the family of five women for a kind of a service. This -consisted in reading aloud from the speeches of William Christmas, -the idealist who had provoked this monstrous state of affairs. His -portrait hung on the wall opposite the door, and I must confess that -his face was singularly beautiful. The woman who had roused me from my -bed read a passage beginning: “The tyranny of the old is due to their -stupidity, which neither young men nor women have yet had the patience -to break through.” And as she closed the book she said, “Thus spake -William Christmas.” Whereupon the other women muttered, “of blessed -memory, which endureth for ever and ever. Amen.” These women were plain -and forbidding. Their eyes were fixed on the portrait with a dog-like -subjection which I found most repulsive. They stood transfixed while -the woman-farmer declaimed: “For guidance, William Christmas, spirit -of woman incarnate, we look to thee in the morning and in the evening, -in our goings out and our comings in, and woe to her who stumbles on -the way of all flesh into the snares of men.” On that the five of them -turned and glared sorrowfully at my old friend and me until I was hard -put to it not to laugh. The meeting then came to an end, and we were -told to prepare supper. We withdrew to the kitchen, and there Professor -Baffin began to snigger, and when I asked him what amused him he said: - -“The joke of it is that this Christmas, like all idealists, was as -great a lecher as Julius Cæsar. It was his lechery made his position in -the old order of society impossible.” - -I laughed too, for I had begun dimly to understand the passion which -moved these virgins in their chastity, and I was filled with a fierce -hatred of the lot of them, and resolved as soon as possible to escape. - -We cooked a meal of fish and eggs, and having laid the table we had to -wait on the family. I was struck by the triviality of their discourse -and the absence from it of any general argument. The five women -twittered like sparrows in mid-winter and not once did they laugh. -They talked of the condition of their beasts and their crops, and so -earnest, so careful were they that I understood that it must be barren -soil indeed that would resist their efforts. They were discussing -what goods they would requisition from the district store in return -for their contribution to the State granaries. I wondered if they had -succeeded in abolishing money, and upon enquiry I found that they had. -The Professor told me that they had abolished everything which before -the change had made them dependent upon men and their pleasure. - -“But why do you men stand it?” I cried. - -“We would starve else. We have no credit. Contributions to the State -granaries are not accepted from men, nor are men allowed to trade -direct with the stores.” - -“But cannot they revolt and use their strength?” - -“The strange thing is,” said the Professor, “that men cannot now endure -the sight of each other. They are as jealous of each other as women -were in the old days. Besides, writing is forbidden, and no book -is allowed save the posthumous works of the lecherous William. The -libraries were destroyed on the same day as the arsenals. Intelligence -is gagged. Thrift and a terrible restless activity are now our only -virtues.” - -“And art?” - -“Art? How should there be art? It was never more than the amusement -of women in their idleness. They are no longer idle and I must admit -that they are admirably methodical in their work, energetic and -straightforward as men never were. But it is ill living in a woman-made -world and I shall not be sorry when death comes.” - - -VI: OBSEQUIES - -Death came to the old man that night, and so surprised him that he was -unable to feel anything. I had been put to sleep in the same room with -him and was awakened by his talking. He was delivering himself of what -sounded like a lecture, but he broke off in the middle to say: - -“This is very astonishing. I am going to die.” - -I struck a light, and there he was lying with a smile of incredulity -upon his face, and I thought that, if we were sentient beings when we -were born, so and not otherwise we would accept the gift of life. So -and not otherwise do we greet all manifestations of life which have not -become familiar through habit. - -I was grateful to the old man for giving me the key to my own frame of -mind. I spoke to him, but he was dead. - -His loud discourse had roused the mistress of the house who came -knocking at the door, saying: - -“Baffin, if you don’t behave yourself I shall come and tickle you.” - -So astounded and outraged was I at this address that I leapt out of my -bed, donned my kilt, and said: - -“Come in, woman, and see what you have done. This learned old man, -whose mind was one of the glories of the world, has been driven to his -death, starved, deprived of the intellectual habits through which a -long life had been----” - -I got no further, for the woman flung herself upon me and tickled my -sides and armpits until I shrieked. Two other women came rushing up -and held me on the floor, and then with a feather they tickled my feet -until I was nearly mad. I wept and cried for mercy, and at last they -desisted and withdrew, leaving me with the corpse, to which they paid -not the slightest attention. - -The next morning I was told to dig a grave and to prepare the body for -burial. There was no more ceremony than in a civilised country is given -to the interment of a dog, and in the house I only heard the old man -referred to twice. The youngest of the women said, “He was a dear old -idiot,” but the mistress of the house shut her mouth like a trap on the -words: “One the less.” - -But a day or two later I found upon the grave a pretty wreath of wild -flowers, and that evening under a hedge I came on a little girl, who -was crying softly to herself. I had not seen her before and was puzzled -to know where she came from. She said her name was Audrey and she lived -at the next farm, where they were very unkind to her, and she used to -meet the old man in the fields and he was very nice to her, and when -she heard he was dead she wanted to die too. The men on the farm were -rough and dirty, and the women were all spiteful and suspicious. - -When I asked her if she had put the wreath on my old friend’s grave, -she was frightened and made me promise not to tell anyone. Of course I -promised, and I took her home. As we parted we engaged to meet again in -the wood half-way between our two houses. - - -VII: SLAVERY - -In my own country I have often remarked the cruel lack of consideration -with which women treat their servants, but here I was appalled by the -bland inhumanity of the conduct of these women toward myself. I was -given no wages and no liberty. (I could not keep my engagement with -Audrey.) I was a hind, and lived in horror of the degradation into -which I saw that I must sink. Day after day of the cruel work of the -fields brought me to a torpid condition in which I could but blindly -obey the orders given me when I returned home. Especially I dreaded -the evenings on those days when the mistress of the house went to the -district stores, for she always returned out of temper and found fault -with everything I did. Also, when she was out of temper, her readings -from the Book of Christmas were twice as long as usual. - -I was some weeks in this melancholy condition, not knowing how I could -make my escape and indeed despairing of it, when I was sent on a -message to the next farm. On the way back I met Audrey, at the sight of -whose young beauty I forgot the despair which latterly had seized me. -I rushed to her and caught her up in my arms and kissed her. Thereupon -she said she would never go back, but would stay with me forever. I -could not deny her, for I had found in her the incentive which I had -lost in my growing indifference to my fate. She was but a child, and -the only gracious being I had met in this ill-fated country. Hand -in hand we wandered until dusk, when I hid her in the hay-loft and -returned to my duties. - -I was severely chidden for my long absence and ordered during the -next week to wear the Skirt of Punishment, a garment of the shape -fashionable among women at the time of the great change. Poor Audrey -could not help laughing when she saw me in it, but having no other -clothes I had to put off all thought of escape until I was released -from punishment. Never before had I realised how cramped the mind could -become from the confinement of the legs. My week in a skirt came very -near to breaking my spirit. Another four days of it and I believe I -should have grovelled in submissive adoration before my tyrant. Only my -nightly visits to Audrey kept me in courage and resolution. - - -VIII: A STRANGE WOOING - -The youngest of the women in the homestead was the last to speak to -me. She was dark and not uncomely, and I had often noticed her at the -readings smile rather fearfully at her own thoughts. Once my eyes had -met hers and I was shocked by the direct challenge of her gaze. At the -time I was disturbed and uneasy, but soon forgot and took no notice of -the woman except that I felt vaguely that she was unhappy. But soon -I was always meeting her. I would find her lurking in the rooms as I -came to scrub and clean them. Or she would appear in the lane as I came -home from the fields, or I would meet her in the doorway, so that I -could not help brushing against her. A little later I missed one of my -stockings as I got up in the morning and had to go barefoot until I had -knitted another pair. - -One night as I was creeping off to my poor Audrey, now deadly weary of -her close quarters in the hay, to my horror I met this woman clad in -her night attire. She vanished and I went my way thoroughly frightened. -I told Audrey to be ready to come with me next day, for we were spied -upon and could not now wait, as we had planned, until my little thefts -from the larder had given us a sufficient store of food. - -Nothing happened the next day and I gave up my determination to ransack -the larder. That night as I opened the door I found the woman pressed -against it, so that she fell almost into my arms. She clung to me -wildly, assured me that I was the most beautiful man she had ever -seen, and tried to press me back into my room, her tone, her whole -bearing conveying an invitation about which it was impossible to be -mistaken. It chilled me to the heart, coming as it did so suddenly out -of the coldness engendered by the rigid separation of the sexes and the -deliberate humiliation of men in that woman-ridden region. As gently as -I could I put her from me, though it was not so easy, and I rushed out -into the night. I could not tell Audrey what had happened, but as soon -as I saw her I felt that the moment for our escape had come. If we did -not seize it I should be denounced and tickled, if not worse. We crept -away and made straight across the fields and at dawn hid in a wood. - - -IX: THE RUINED CITY - -I was relieved to hear from Audrey that there were no newspapers. She -told me that a man from her farm had run away but was never found. -There were always new men coming, because it was impossible for them -to obtain food except what they could kill. In the summer there were -always men wandering about the country, but they came back in the -winter and were glad to work for their board and lodging. I soon -understood this, for when we had exhausted our store we were often a -whole day without a morsel passing our lips, and I began to see the -foolhardiness of my attempt at liberty. Again and again I besought -Audrey to leave me, but she would not. She could always have obtained a -meal for herself had she gone alone to a house, but wherever I went I -was asked for my registered number, and at first had not the readiness -to invent one. At last I told one woman I was 8150. She asked me what -district and I did not know. On that she bundled me out and I was lucky -to escape detention. When I asked Audrey about the registration she -said all men were registered with a number and a letter. The men on her -farm had been L.D. Next time I said I was L.D. 8150, and when asked my -business I said I was taking my young miss to the nunnery at O. Either -my answer was satisfactory or Audrey’s beauty was the passport it would -be in any normal country, for we were handsomely treated and given a -present of three cheeses to take to the nuns. - -We ate the cheeses and were kept alive until, after a fortnight’s -journey, we came on a dismal mass of blackened buildings. We entered -the city, once world-famous for its textiles, and never have I -been so near the hopelessness of the damned. The remains of a dead -civilisation; decomposing and festering; grass grew in between the -cobbles of the streets; weeds were rank; creepers covered the walls -of the houses and their filthy windows. Huge factories were crumbling -away, and here and there we came on immense piles of bricks where the -chimneys had tumbled down. For miles we walked through the streets and -never saw a soul until as we turned a corner into a square we came on a -sight that made me think we had reached the lowest Hell. - - -X: THE OUTLAWS - -There was a great fire in the middle of the square, and round this was -a tatterdemalion crew of men and women. They were roasting an ox, and, -as they waited for it, they sang and danced. When we approached near -enough to hear what they were singing I blushed and felt aggrieved for -Audrey. Many of the men and women were perfectly shameless in their -gestures, and I wished to go back the way we had come. However, we had -been seen, and were drawn into the light of the fire and asked to give -an account of ourselves. I told them I was an American citizen only -too anxious to return to my own country now I had seen the pass to -which theirs had been brought. Audrey clung to me, and I said she was -my little cousin whom I had come to deliver, and that, having wandered -hungry for so many days, we had taken refuge in the town in the hope -of faring better. We were given stools to sit on, and slices of the -best cut of the ox were put before us. The rest drank spirits and wine -from some cellar in the town and were soon more crazy than ever, and -more obscene, but with my belly full of good meat I was not offended -and preferred their debauchery to the icy virtue which had so horribly -oppressed me at the homestead. Audrey was excited by it all, but I knew -that her innocence could take no harm. - -Presently there was only one man sober besides myself. He came towards -me and invited me to stay the night in his house where he lived alone -with his son. I liked the looks of the man. He was poorly clad, but in -the old fashion of coat and trousers, whereas the costumes of the men -in the square were strange and bizarre. - -As we walked through the dark streets our new friend told me that all -the great cities of Fatland were in this condition, abandoned to the -dregs of the population, degraded men and women, idle and lawless, with -the leaven of the few proud spirits who would not accept the new regime -and found a world governed by women as repulsive as a world governed -by men. I was astonished at this, for I could not then see, as later -I saw, the abomination of civilised life as I had known it at home. -Perhaps a sailor, for whom life ashore means pleasure and relief from -responsibilities, cannot feel injustice and inequality. On the sea he -has his own way of dealing with those poisons. - -The house we came to was small but comfortable. My new friend explained -that he was able to keep alive by dealing with the outlaws, who kept -money current among themselves, and, indeed, had come to regard him -as their counsellor and peacemaker, and never returned from their -raids without bringing him some tribute. Seeing me dubious of the -morality of this, he explained that under the old order he had been -a shareholder in joint-stock companies and accepted his share of the -profits without scruple as to how they had been obtained. He told me -further that he was quite alone in the city, and that no one else -maintained the old life. He had registered himself in compliance with -the law, but could not leave the mathematical work to which his life -had been devoted, for he believed that he would achieve results which -would survive all the vicissitudes of Fattish civilisation even as the -work of Pythagoras had survived ancient Greece. The number of outlaws, -he said, was growing, and there would eventually be a revolution, to -lead which he was preparing and educating his son, Edmund. His own -sympathies, he declared, had at first been with the women, who had been -driven to extricate the country from the vicious circle of war into -which it had been drawn by the egregious folly of men. But when, having -achieved this, they abused their power and, in the intoxication of -their success, defied nature herself, then he had abandoned all hope -and had taken the only means of dissociating himself from the life of -his country, namely, by staying where he was. To be sure the women had -established agriculture on a sound basis, but it was vain for them to -breed cattle if they would not breed themselves. - -I asked him if he was a widower. He said No. - - -XI: EDMUND - -This man’s son was the most charming boy I ever set eyes on. He was -eighteen, but had the carriage and assurance of a young man in his -prime, most resolute and happy. He liked talking to me and was more -communicative than his father. For a fortnight he would work steadily -at his books, imbibing the principles of government in the philosophers -from Plato down. He thought they were all wrong, said so, and but -for his simplicity I should have put him down as conceited. It was -very slowly as I talked to him that I came to realise the revolution -in thought produced by the great European wars and the terrible -consequences, how fatal they had been to the old easy idealism. The new -spirit in its generous acceptance of the gross stuff of human nature -and its indomitable search for beauty in it has been expressed for -all time by our poet, Hohlenheim, and I only need state here that I -encountered it for the first time in that ruined city. Not, however, -till Hohlenheim expressed it did I recognise it. - -But for Hohlenheim I could believe in a Providence when I think of -Edmund and Audrey. They were as bee and flower. The honey of her -beauty drew him and he was hers, she his, from the first moment. I had -regarded her as a child and was amazed to see how she rejoiced in him. -I had expected more modesty until I reflected how in such darkness as -that which enveloped Fatland love must blaze. It flared up between -them and burned them into one spirit. So moved was I that all other -marriage, even my own, has always seemed a mockery to me. - -How gracious Audrey was to me! She promised me that Edmund would hurry -up his revolution so that I could return to my own country, but I was -given to understand that the position was very difficult, because his -own mother was Vice-Chairwoman of the Governing Committee. For a week -at a time Edmund would be away rounding up outlaws, and, at great risk, -preaching to the kilted and registered men in the fields. Had he been -caught he would have been tickled to death. - -After a time I went with him on his expeditions. It was amazing how his -eloquence and his personality produced their effect even on the dullest -minds. The stream of men proceeding to the ruined city increased every -day, and we began to have enough good people to suppress the reckless -rioters somewhat and to organise the life of the town something after -the fashion of the Italian city-state, except that we made no warlike -preparations whatsoever. Most encouraging of all, we had a growing -number of young women coming into the place, and thankful as they were -to escape the nunneries or the spinsterhood of the farms, they quickly -found mates and produced children. The birth of every baby was made a -matter of public rejoicing. - -But alas! my ill-luck pursued me. On one of our expeditions we were -cut off and surrounded in a field by a patrol of women. Edmund managed -to escape, but I was captured and tortured into making a confession of -what was going on in the ruined city. I did not see how my confession -could do any harm, and I don’t know what happened, but though my -friends must have known where I was they made no attempt to rescue -me or to communicate with me. I think I should have died rather than -confess but for the thought of my wife. My strongest passion then was -to see her again. Let that, if excuse is needed, be mine. - - -XII: THE NUNNERY - -As Edmund disappeared through a gap in the hedge I was attacked by a -mob of women, screaming at the top of their voices. They talked me into -a state of stupefaction and led me dazed in the direction of a great -building which I had taken for a factory or workhouse. Here with the -leader of my captors I was hustled through a little gate with the mob -outside hooting and yelling: - -“Man! Man! Man!” - -I was flung into a cell and left there to collect my wits, which I -found hard of doing, for I was near the limits of my endurance, and I -did not see how I could hold out against the numbing influence of such -absolute feminism. In the society to which I had been accustomed men, -whatever their misdeeds, had always treated women with indulgence, but -here the life of a man was one long expiation for the crime of having -been born. I had spirit enough left in me to revolt, but my feeling -could only express itself in bitter tears. I wept all night without -ceasing, and the next day I was so weak and ill that I slept from utter -exhaustion. - -Bread and water were handed in to me through a hole in the door, but -the bread was sour and the water was foul to my taste. Once again I -fell a victim to the sense of hallucination, and when at last the door -of my cell was opened and a human figure entered I was half-convinced -that I was honoured with a visitation by an angel. I fell on my knees -and the “angel” called me to my senses by saying: - -“Fool, get up.” - -I obeyed and my visitor informed me that she was the Medical -Superintendent come to inspect me. I was ordered to strip and stand in -the middle of the cell while the superintendent walked round me and -surveyed me as farmers do with cattle. She prodded my flesh and asked -me my age and what illnesses I had had. She sounded my lungs and tested -my heart and appeared to be well satisfied. As she scanned my person -there came into her eyes a quizzical, humorous look, in which there was -a certain kindly pity, so that I was reassured and plucked up courage -to ask where I was and what was going to be done with me. I was told -that I was in the great nunnery of O, and that my destiny depended -upon her report. I asked her to make it a good one and she laughed. I -laughed too, for indeed mine was a most ridiculous position, standing -there stark naked under her scrutiny. It became necessary for me to -cover myself, and when I had done so we still stood there laughing like -two sillies. She said: - -“You’ll do.” - -“For what?” - -“I can give you a certificate for fatherhood.” - -I gasped and protested that I was married, and expressed my horror of -any such misconduct as she proposed. She ignored my protest and said: - -“The mothers of your children will be carefully chosen for you.” - -On that I roared with laughter. The idea was too preposterous. The -superintendent reproved me and said that any ordinary man would give -his eyes to be in my position, which I owed entirely to my wonderful -physique. I declared my unwillingness and demanded as an American -citizen to be set at liberty. She told me that the idea of nationality -was not recognised and that I must serve the human race in the way -marked out for me. “How?” said I. “Marked out for me? By whom?” I was -assured by my own physical fitness. I protested that I could not look -upon fatherhood as a career, but was told that I must consider it among -the noblest. I maintained that it could never be for a man more than -an incident, significant and delightful no doubt, but no more to be -specialized in than any other natural function. Argument, however, was -impossible, for on this subject the superintendent’s humour deserted -her. However, her interest was roused and she was more friendly in her -attitude, and consented to explain to me the institution which she -served. It was not in the old sense a nunnery, for its inmates were -not vowed to seclusion, and though portraits of William Christmas were -plentiful on its walls, there was no formal devotion to his memory. -It was literally a garden of girls. Female children were brought from -the affiliated crèches to be trained and educated for the functions of -life to which they were best fitted. The intelligent were equipped for -the sciences, the strong for agriculture, the quick and cunning for -industry, the beautiful for maternity. Male children were farmed out -and given no instruction whatever, since they needed no intelligence -for the duties they had to perform. “But the birth-rate?” I said, and -received the answer: “Should never be such as to complicate the problem -of food. It is better to have a small sensible population than one -which is driven mad by its own multitude.” - -I was far from convinced and said: “Such a world might a student of -bees dream of after a late supper of radishes.” - -My new friend replied that I had not lived through the nightmare of -the great wars, or I would be in a better position to appreciate the -blessings of a scientific society. She admitted that men were perhaps -treated with undue severity, but added that, for her part, she believed -it to be necessary for the gradual suppression of the masculine conceit -and folly which had for so long ravaged the world. In time that would -right itself, the severity would be relaxed, and men would assert an -undeniable claim to a due share in the benefits of civilisation. In the -meanwhile, she would do all in her power to befriend me. I implored her -to certify me unfit for fatherhood, but she would only yield so far as -to declare that I was in need of a month’s recuperation and distraction. - -With that ended my interview with that extraordinary woman, who in -happier circumstances would have been a glory to her sex. - -I was presently removed from my cell to a pleasant room in the lodge -by the gate, and I was made to earn my keep by working in the garden. -At the end of a week I was despatched by road to the capital to appear -there before the examining committee of the department of birth. - - -XIII: IN THE CAPITAL - -As luck would have it my guardian on the long journey by road--for -motor-cars had not been renounced--was a little chatterbox of a woman, -who coquetted with me in the innocent and provocative manner of the -born flirt. She meant no harm by it, but could not control her eyes -and gestures. I encouraged her to make her talk, and she told me it -would have gone hardly with me but that the medical superintendent -had been passing by the gate of the nunnery as I was thrust in. But -for her I should have been condemned to work in the sewers or to sell -stamps in the post office, menial work reserved for criminals, for the -authorities were becoming exasperated with the agitation for the rights -of men. The outlaws no one minded. They inhabited the ruined cities -and sooner or later would be starved out. It was absurd to expect the -new society to be rid altogether of the pests which had plagued the -old, but every reasonable woman was determined that for generations men -should not enjoy the rights which they had so wantonly abused. - -“But,” I said, “men never claimed rights.” - -“No,” answered my coquette, “they stole them when we were not looking. -They insisted that we should all be mothers, so that we should be too -busy to keep them out of mischief.” - -“My dear child,” said I, “it is the women who have kept us in mischief.” - -“No one can say,” she replied, “that we do not keep you out of it now.” -And she gave me one of those arch involuntary invitations which have -before now been the undoing of Empires. I could not resist it. I seized -her in my arms and kissed her full on the lips. - -I half expected her to stop the car and denounce me, but when she had -made sure that the girl driving had not seen she was undisturbed and -remarked with a charming smile: - -“Some foreign ways are rather pretty.” - -I repeated the offence, and by the journey’s end we were very good -friends and understood each other extremely well. She agreed with me -when I said that all forms of society were dependent upon a lot of -solemn humbug. She said yes, and she expected that before she had done -she would be put upon her trial. I did not then understand her meaning, -for we parted at the door of a large house, where she was given a -receipt for me. She saluted me, the dear little trousered flirt, by -putting her finger to her lips as the car drove off. - -There were no women in that house. Its inhabitants were a number -of young men like myself, all superb in physique and many of them -extremely handsome, but they were all gloomy and depressed. I was -right in guessing them to be other candidates for fatherhood. They -were guarded and served by very old men in long robes like tea-gowns. -Horrible old creatures they were, like wicked midwives who vary their -habit of bringing human beings into the world by preparing their dead -bodies to leave it. But the young men were hardly any better: they were -dull, stupid, and listless, and their conversation was obscene. - -We had to spend our time in physical exercise, in taking baths and -anointing our bodies with unguents and perfumes. We were decked out -in beautiful clothes. Embroidered coats and white linen kilts. In the -evenings there were lectures on physiology, and we were made to chant -a poetical passage from the works of William Christmas, a description -of the glory of the bridegroom, of which I remember nothing except an -offensive comparison with a stallion. - -The humiliation was terrible, and when I remembered the superintendent -speaking of “the mothers of my children” I was seized with a nausea -which I could not shake off, until, two days after my arrival, an -epidemic of suicide among the candidates horrified me into a wholesome -reaction against my surroundings. I found it hard to account for -the epidemic until I noticed the coincidence of the disappearance -of the most comely of the young men with the periodic visits of the -high officials. This pointed, though at first I refused to believe -it, to the vilest abuse of the system set up by the women in their -pathetic attempt to solve the problem of population scientifically. -Far, far better were it had they been content with their refusal to -bear children and to impose chastity upon all without exception, and -to let the race perish. Must the stronger sex always seek to degrade -the weaker? My experience in that house filled me with an ungovernable -hatred of women. The sight of them with the absurdities of their -bodies accentuated by the trousered costumes they had elected to adopt -filled me with scorn and bitter merriment. The smell of them, to which -in my hatred I became morbidly sensitive, made me sick. The sound of -their voices set my teeth on edge. - -Such was my condition when, after three weeks’ training, I was called -before the examination committee. - - -XIV: THE EXAMINATION - -Nothing in all my strange experiences astonished me so much as the lack -of ceremony in this matter of fatherhood. It was approached with a -brutal disinterestedness, a cynical disregard of feeling equalled only -by men of pleasure in other countries. I was filled with rage when I -was introduced to the committee of middle-aged and elderly women and -exposed to their cold scrutiny. First of all I was told to stand at the -end of the hall and repeat the poem of William Christmas. I had been -made to get it by heart, but in my distress I substituted the word Ram -for the word Stallion. The chairwoman rapped angrily on the table. - -“Why do you say Ram for Stallion?” - -I replied: “Because it more aptly describes my condition. There is -nobility in the stallion, but the ram is a foolish beast.” - -There was a consultation, after which the chairwoman bade me approach -and said: - -“Your medical report is excellent but we are afraid you lack mental -simplicity. You are an educated man.” - -“I am an American citizen,” I replied proudly, “and I protest against -the treatment to which I have been subjected.” - -“We know nothing of that,” retorted the chairwoman. “You are before -us as L.D. 8150, recommended for paternal duties and, if passed, to -be entered in the stud-book. Your record since you have been in the -country is a bad one, but points to the possession of a spirit which -for our purposes may be valuable.” - -I said: “You may call me what you like; you may register me in any book -you please, send me where you choose, but I am a married man and will -not oblige you.” - -Then a fury seized me and I shouted: - -“Can you not see that you are driving your people into madness or -disaster, that you will soon be plunged again into barbarism, that your -science is destroying the very spirit of civilisation? I tell you that -even now, as you work and plan and arrange, there is growing a revolt -against you, a revolt so strong that it will ignore you, as life in the -end ignores those who would measure it with a silver rod.” - -The chairwoman smiled as she rejoined: - -“Those are almost identically the words I addressed to the late Prime -Minister of Fatland when, after thirty years of prevarication, he was -persuaded to receive a deputation. I am afraid we must reject you as -a candidate for the duties for which you have been trained. In the -ordinary course you would be put upon your trial and committed to a -severe cross-examination, an art which has been raised by us to the -pitch of perfection. As it is, we are satisfied that you are labouring -under the disadvantage of contamination from a man-governed society and -are probably not guilty of the usual offences which render candidates -unfit. We therefore condemn you as a man of genius, and order you to be -interned in the suburb set apart for that class.” - -I bowed to cover my amazement, a bell was rung, and I was conducted -forth. Outside, meeting another candidate, green with nervousness, -I told him I had been rejected, whereupon he plucked up courage and -asked me how I had managed it. I told him to say Billy-Goat instead of -Stallion. - - -XV: MEN OF GENIUS - -I had not then met Hohlenheim and did not know what a man of genius -was, and for genius I still had a superstitious reverence. Before I -left the committee hall I was given a coloured ribbon to wear across my -breast and a brass button to pin into my hat. On the button was printed -M.G. 1231. What! said I to myself, Over a thousand men of genius in the -country! never dreaming that some of them might be of the same kind as -myself, so obstinate are superstitions and so completely do they hide -the obvious. - -As I passed through the streets of the capital I found that I was the -object of amused contemptuous glances from the women, who walked busily -and purposefully along. There were no shops in the streets, which -were bordered with trees and gardens and seemed to be very well and -skilfully laid out. I was free to go where I liked, or I thought I was, -and I determined not to go to the suburb, but to find a lodging where I -could for a while keep out of trouble and at my leisure discover some -means of getting out of the abominable country. Coming on what looked -like an eating-house, I entered the folding doors, but was immediately -ejected by a diminutive portress. When I explained that I was hungry -she told me to go home. - -I was equally unfortunate at other places, and at last put their unkind -receptions down to my badges. Is this, I thought, how they treat their -men of genius? My applications for lodgings were no more prosperous, -and I was preparing to sleep in the streets when I met an enormously -fat man wearing a ribbon and button like my own. He hailed me as a -comrade, flung his arm round my shoulder and said: “The cold winds of -misfortune may blow through an æolian harp, but they make music. Ah! -Divine music, in paint, in stone, in words, and many other different -materials.” “I beg your pardon,” said I, “but the wind of misfortune is -blowing an infernal hunger through my ribs, and I should be obliged if -you will lead me to a place where I can be fed.” “Gladly, gladly. We -immortals, living and dead, are brothers.” So saying he led me through -a couple of gardens until we came to a village of little red houses -set round a green, in the center of which was a statue. “Christmas!” I -cried. “Christmas it is,” said my guide, “the only statue left in the -country, save in our little community, where the rule is, Every man his -own statue.” - -Community within community! This society in which I was floundering was -like an Indian puzzle-box which you open and open until you come to a -little piece of cane like a slice of a dried pea. - -However, I was too hungry to pursue reflection any further and without -more words followed my companion into one of the little red houses, -where for the first time for many months I was face to face with a -right good meal. Here at any rate were sensible people who had not -forgotten that a man’s first obligation is to his stomach. I ate -feverishly and paid no heed to my companions at table, two little -gentlemen whom at home I would have taken for elderly store-clerks. -When at last I spoke, one of the little gentlemen was very excited to -discover that I was an American. “Can you tell me,” he said, “can you -tell me who are now the best sellers?” - -“What,” I asked, “are they?” - -They looked at each other in dismay. - -“_We_ were best sellers,” they cried in chorus. - -After the meal they brought out volumes of cuttings from the American -newspapers, and I recognised the names of men who had in their works -brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. - -“Do I behold,” I said, “the authors of those delightful books which -have made life sweeter for thousands?” - -They hung their heads modestly, each apparently expecting the other to -speak. At last my fat friend said: - -“Brothers, we will have a bottle of port on this.” - -The port was already decanted and ready to his hand. Over it they -poured out their woes. Publication had stopped in Fatland. There was -no public, and the public of America had been made inaccessible. How -can a man write a book without a public? It would be sheer waste of his -genius. When a man has been paid two hundred dollars for a story he -could not be expected to work for less, could he? I supposed not, and -the little man with the long hair and pointed Elizabethean beard cried -hysterically: - -“But these women, these harpies, expect us to work for their bits of -paper, their drafts on their miserable stores. When they drew up their -confounded statutes they admitted genius: they acknowledged that we -should be useless on farms or in factories. They allowed us this, the -once-famous garden suburb, for our residence and retreat, but they made -us work--work--us, the dreamers of dreams! But what work? The sweet -fruits of our inspiration? No. We have been set to edit the works of -William Christmas, to write the biography of William Christmas, to -prepare the sayings of William Christmas for the young. No Christmas, -no dinner, and there you are. Is such a life tolerable?” - -“No!” cried the fat man. - -“What is more,” continued the indignant one, “we are asked to dwell -among nincompoops who have never had and never could have any -reputation, young men who used to insult us in the newspapers, cranks -and faddists who have never reached the heart of the great public and -are jealous of those who have. And these men are set to work with us in -our drudgery, and they are paid exactly at the same rate. Fortunately -many of them waste their time in writing poetry and drama while we do -their work and make them pay in contributions to our table. Pass the -port, brother.” - -They spent the evening reading aloud from their volumes of press -cuttings, living in the glorious past, while they appealed to me every -now and then for news of the publishing world in America. I invented -the names of best sellers and made my hosts’ mouths water over the -prices I alleged to be then current. They were so pleased with me that -they pressed me to stay with them and to work on the new Concordance of -Christmas. - - -XVI: REVOLUTION - -Work on the Index, I soon found, meant preparing the whole mighty -undertaking, while my three men of genius smoked, ate, drank, slept, -talked, and went a-strolling in the capital. There was this advantage -about being a man of genius that I was free to come and go as and -when I liked, though I was everywhere scoffed at and treated with -good-humoured scorn. I was always liable to insult at the hands of -the high-spirited young women of the capital who held places in the -Government offices and had acquired the insolent manners of a ruling -class. However, I soon learned to recognise the type and to avoid an -encounter, though my poor old friends often came home black and blue. - -There was a great deal more sense in Christmas than I had at first -supposed, and, as I progressed with my work, I saw that what he meant -was very near what Edmund and his father had been at, namely, that -men and women, if only they set about it the right way, can find in -each other the interest, amusement, and imaginative zest to dispel the -boredom which is alone responsible for social calamities. His appeal -had been to men, but he had only reached the ears of women, and they -had hopelessly misunderstood him. They had expected him to have a new -message and had taken his old wisdom for novelty by identifying it with -his personality. He had not taken the precaution to placate the men -of genius of his time. Without a marketable reputation they could not -recognise him. They refused to acknowledge him and drove him into the -strange courses which made him seem to the nerve-ridden women of the -country new, fresh, and Heaven-sent. Certainly he had genius, as my -professional men of genius had it not, and it came into too direct a -contact with the public mind. The smouldering indignation of ages burst -into flame. More and more as I worked I was filled with respect for -this idealist and with pity for the human beings who had followed him -to their undoing. His insight was remarkable, and I made a collection -of his works to take back with me to America, if I should ever go there. - -I stayed in the Suburb of Genius for a couple of years, very pleased -to be away from the women, and among people many of whom were amusing. -There were painters and sculptors, who spent their time making -Christmas portraits and effigies, cursing like sailors as they worked. -Very good company some of these men, and most ingenious in their shifts -and devices to dodge the rules and regulations with which they were -hemmed in. Some of them had smuggled women into their houses and lived -in a very charming domesticity. I envied them and was filled with -longing for my home. - -One day as I was at my work I came on an unpublished manuscript of -Christmas. It contained a poem which I liked and a saying which fired -me. This was the poem: - - “The woman’s spirit kindles man’s desire, - And both are burned up by a quenchless fire. - Let but the woman set her spirit free, - Then it is man’s unto eternity. - It is a world within his hands, and there - They two may dwell encircled in a square.” - -I could never quite make sense of it, but it seized my imagination as -nonsense sometimes will, and prepared it for the convulsion which was -to happen. - -This was the saying: - -“There will come one after me who shall build where I have destroyed, -and he shall capture the flame wherewith I have burned away the dying -thoughts of men.” - -The words haunted me. They were in none of the Christmas books, nor in -the biography. I inserted it in the Concordance and in a new edition -of the Speeches, on my own responsibility and without saying a word to -my employers. There might or might not be trouble, but I knew that the -Chairwoman of the Governing Committee was a vain old creature and would -take the words to mean herself. To my mind they pointed straight to -Edmund. I knew that his cause was gaining ground and that, if I could -gain sufficient publicity for the saying, his following would be vastly -increased. - -I was on good terms with the chief of the publishing department and was -able to persuade her to announce that the new edition of the Speeches -was the only one authorised by the Governing Committee; all others to -be called in. The success of my trick exceeded all my dreams. There was -something like an exodus from the capital. - -I met my dear Audrey one day. She had come to spy out the land. Her -news was glorious. For miles round the once ruined city the farms were -occupied with happy men and women working together to supply food for -the towns, which in return furnished their wants from its workshops, -which the toilers filled with song as they worked. The fame of it was -everywhere growing. Other ruined cities had been occupied. Two of the -great nunneries were deserted. Edmund with a great company of young men -had taken possession of a town by the sea and opened the harbour and -released the ships. - -“Ships!” I said. “There are ships sailing on the sea!” - -That settled it. No more men of genius for me. That night I spent -in chalking up the saying of William Christmas on the walls of the -capital. The next morning I was with Audrey wandering about the -streets, hearing Edmund’s name on all lips, and then, satisfied that -all would be well, I made for the sea-board. - -It was good to see America again, but I suffered there as acutely as -I had done in Fatland. I had been among women who, if misguided, were -free. My dear wife and I could never understand one another and she -died within a very few years after my return of a broken heart. I -thought I could not survive her, and should not have done but for my -fortunate encounter with Hohlenheim, who could understand my loathing -of woman in Fatland, of man in America, draw it up into his own -matchless imagination and distil the passion of it into beauty. - - - - -Out of Work - - -I: MR. BLY’S HEART BREAKS - -In a little house, one of many such houses, in a town, one of many such -towns in Fatland, sat Nicholas Bly, a small stationer and newsagent, -by the bedside of his wife. She said: “Ain’t I thin, Nick?” and again -she said: “My hair is only half what it was.” And he said: “It’s very -pretty hair.” She smiled and took his hand in hers and she died. When -Nicholas Bly was quite sure that she was dead, when he could believe -that she was dead, he did not weep, for there were no tears in his -eyes. He said nothing, for there were no words in his mind. He felt -nothing, for his heart was breaking, and so little was he alive that -he did not know it. His wife was dead, his two children were dead, his -shop was closed, and he had two shillings in the world, and they were -borrowed. - -He went out into the street and when he saw a well-fed man he hated -him: and when he saw a thin hungry man he despised him; on returning -to his house he found there a Doctor and a Parson. The Doctor said his -wife had died of something with two long Latin names. - -“She starved,” said Nicholas Bly. - -The Parson said something about the will and the love of God. - -“The devil’s took her,” said Nicholas Bly. - -The Parson cast up his eyes and exhorted the blasphemer to seek comfort -in duty and distraction in hard work. - -“I’m out of work,” said Nicholas Bly; “the devil’s took my work and my -wife and my two children. Hell’s full up and overflowed into this ’ere -town and this ’ere street. We must fight the devil with fire and bloody -murders.” - -The Parson and the Doctor agreed that the poor fellow was mad. - - -II: MR. BLY IS IMPRISONED - -Nicholas Bly’s stomach was full of emptiness, the heat of his blood -parched his brains, and his sleep was crowded with huddling bad dreams. -He ate crusts and cabbage stalks picked up out of the gutter, and when -he was near mad with thirst he snatched beer jugs from children as they -turned into the entries leading to their houses. His days he spent -looking for the devil. Three nights he spent moving from one square -with seats round it to another, and on the fourth night he heard of a -brick-field where there was some warmth. He slept there that night and -was arrested. The magistrate said: - -“I am satisfied that you are a thoroughly worthless character, an -incurable vagabond, and if not yet a danger, a nuisance to society....” - -(The magistrate said a great deal more. He was newly appointed and -needed to persuade himself of his dignity by talk.) - -Nicholas Bly was sent to prison. - - -III: THE DARK GENTLEMAN - -When he left the prison Nicholas Bly realised that he had legs to walk -with but nowhere to go, hands to work with but nothing to do, a brain -to think with but never a thought. He was almost startled to find -himself utterly alone, and his loneliness drove him into a hot rage. In -prison he had thought vaguely of the world as a warm place outside, to -which in the course of days he would return. Now that he had returned -the world had nothing to do with him and he had nothing to do with it. -He prowled through the streets, but a sort of pride forbade him to -eat the cabbage stalks and crusts of the gutters, and to rob children -of their parents’ beer he was ashamed. He looked for work, but was -everywhere refused, and he said to himself: - -“Prison is the best the world can do for men like me.” - -But he was determined to give the world a better reason for putting him -in prison than sleeping in a brick-field because it was warm. The world -was cold. He would make it warm. The devil was in the world: he would -burn him out, use his own element against him. - -He chose the largest timber-yard he could find, and that night he stole -a can of petrol, and when he had placed it in a heap of shavings went -out into the street to find some matches. He met a seedy individual in -a coat with a fur collar and a broad-brimmed hat, who looked like an -actor, and he asked him if he could oblige him with a match. - -“Lucifers,” said the seedy individual and gave him three. - -Nicholas Bly returned to the timber-yard with the matches. He struck -one. It went off like a rocket. The second exploded like a Chinese -cracker, and he was just lighting the third when he heard a melancholy -chuckle. He turned his head and found the seedy individual gazing at -him with an expression of wistfulness. - -“Like old times,” said the seedy individual. - -Nicholas Bly lit the third match and it flooded the whole yard with -Bengal light, and still he had not set fire to his petrol. - -“Gimme another match,” said Nicholas Bly; “watch me set fire to the -yard and go and tell.” - -“I have no more,” replied the stranger. “Those were my last. I no -longer make fire or instruments of fire. No one wants my tricks. I have -lost everything and am doomed.” - -“I have lost my wife, my children and my work.” - -“I have lost my kingdom, my power and my glory.” - -“The devil took them,” answered Nicholas Bly. - -“I wish I had,” replied the stranger. - - -IV: THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S STORY - -Nicholas Bly fetched a screech loud enough to wake a whole parish. The -dark gentleman pounced on him firmly and gagged him with his hand, and -his fingers burnt into the newsagent’s cheek. - -“Be silent,” said the dark gentleman, “you’ll have them coming and -taking you away from me. Will you be silent?” - -Nicholas Bly nodded to say he would be silent. Then he said: - -“If you didn’t take them, who did?” - -“Jah!” said the devil, for the dark gentleman was no other. “Jah took -them. Jah does everything now, at least I am forced to the conclusion -that he does, since I find everything going on much the same. I knew -how it would be. I knew he would find it dull only dealing with -virtuous people. It was very sudden. I was deposed without any notice -just in the middle of the busiest time I’d had for centuries. I have -had a horrible time. No one believed in me. For years now I have only -been used to frighten children, and have occasionally been allowed to -slip into their dreams. You must agree that it is galling for one who -has lived on the fat of human faith--for in the good old days I had far -more souls than Jah. I haven’t been in a grown man’s mind for years -until I found yours open to me.” - -“I don’t know about that,” said Nicholas Bly. “I want my wife. I want -my two children. I want my work.” - -“Anything may be possible if you will believe in me.” - -“I’ll believe in anything, I’d go to Hell if I could get them back.” - - -“There is no Hell,” said the devil. - - -V: COGITATION - -This was a little difficult for Nicholas Bly. For a long time they sat -brooding in the darkness of the timber-yard. Then said Nicholas Bly: - -“Seeing’s believing. I see you. I believe in you. You’re the first -critter that’s spoke to me honest and kindly this many a long day. You -seem to be worse off than I am. We’re mates.” - -“Thank you,” said the devil. “In the old days I used to offer those who -believed in me women, wine, song and riches. But now we shall have to -see what we can do.” - -“I want to spite that there Jah.” - -“We will do our best,” said the devil. - -With that they rose to their feet, and as they left the timber-yard the -devil shook a spark out of his tail on to the petrol, so that they had -not gone above a mile when the wood was ablaze and they could see the -red glow of the fire against the sky. - - -VI: CONFLAGRATION - -Gleefully the devil took Mr. Bly back to watch the blaze, and they were -huddled and squeezed and pressed in the crowd. A fat woman took a -fancy to the devil and put her arm round his waist. - -“Where are you living, old dear?” she said. - -“You leave my pal alone,” said Nicholas Bly. - -But the devil gave her a smacking kiss, and she slapped his face and -giggled, saying: - -“Geeh! That was a warm one that was.” - -And she persisted until the devil had confessed his name to be Mr. -Nicodemus. Then she said she had a snug little room in her house which -he could have--his pal too if they were not to be separated. - -Mr. Bly demurred, but Mr. Nicodemus said: - -“You can only get at Jah through the women.” - -So they pursued the adventure and went home with the fat woman, but -when she reached her parlour she plumped down on her knees and said -her prayers, and the devil vanished, and she was so enraged that she -swept Nicholas Bly out with her broom. He hammered on her door and -told her why his friend had vanished, and that if she would say her -prayers backward he would return. She said her prayers backwards and -Mr. Nicodemus returned. - - -VII: TIB STREET - -The fat woman’s name was Mrs. Martin, and when she found that her -beloved had a tail she was not at all put out, but to avoid scandal, -cut it off. - -All the same there was a scandal, for the fascination of Mr. Nicodemus -was irresistible, and the house was always full of women, and whenever -he went out he was followed by a herd of them. Mrs. Martin was jealous, -Mr. Bly sulked and Mr. Nicodemus had a busy time placating indignant -husbands and lovers. Not a house in Tib street but was in a state of -upheaval. The men sought consolation in drink, and presently there was -hardly one who had retained his work. - -“We are getting on,” said Mr. Nicodemus. “We are getting on. In the -good old times men left their work to follow me, and it used to be a -favourite device of mine to make their work seem so repulsive to them -that they preferred thieving or fighting or even suffering to it. If we -end as we have begun, then Jah will be as isolated as you and I have -been.” - -And he chuckled in triumph and bussed Mrs. Martin. - -“That,” said she, “reminds me of Martin; and he was a oner, he was. -That’s worth anything to me.” - -With that the good creature bustled off to arrange for a week’s charing -to keep her lodgers in food. - -Shortlived, however was the triumph of Mr. Nicodemus, for, with the -women neglecting their homes and the men their work, the children -sickened and died, and no day passed but two or three little coffins -were taken to the cemetery. And in their grief the women remembered -Jah, and went to church to appease His wrath. The men were sobered and -returned to work, but at wages punitively reduced, so that their last -state was worse than their first, for the women were now devoted to Jah -and the children were empty and their bellies were pinched. - -Nicholas Bly cursed Jah. The sight of the little coffins being taken -out of Tib Street reminded him of his own children and he went near mad -and vowed that Jah was taking them because He was a jealous God, one -who had taken Hell from the devil and their children from men in the -purblindness of His fury. - -And he began to preach at the corner of Tib Street. - - -VIII: MR. BLY’S SERMON - -He said: - -“There are many filthy streets in this town, but this is the filthiest. -Who made it filthy? Jah! It is the nature of man to love his wife and -his children, to dwell with them in peace and loving-kindness. But for -all his love, wherewith shall a man feed his wife and children? What -clothing shall he give them? What shelter find for them? Go you into -this street and look into the houses. You will find crumbling walls, -broken stairs, windows stuffed with clouts: you will find bare shelves -and cupboards: you will find dead children with never so much as a -whole shroud among them. You will say that perhaps they are better -dead, but I say unto you that if a man’s children be dead wherewith -shall he feed his love? And without a full love in his heart how shall -a man work or live or die? Are we born only to die? And if life ends -in death what matters it how life be lived? But, I say unto you, that -because life ends in death a man must see to it that all his days are -filled with love, which is beauty, which is truth. And I say unto you -when your eyes are filled and bleeding with the pain of the sights -you shall see here, go out into the fields and to the hills and the -great waters and see the sun rise and shed his light and go down and -cast his light upon the moon, and draw vapour from the earth and bring -it again in the rain; and feel the wind upon your faces, and see the -sodden air hang upon the earth until the coming of the storm to cleanse -its foulness: and do you mark the flight of the birds, the nesting of -the birds, the happy fish in the waters, the slow beasts in the fields: -observe the growth of trees and plants, and grasses and corn. Then you -shall know the richness of love among the creatures that know not Jah. -They die and are visited with sickness even as we, but theirs is a free -life and a free death unconfined by any sickness of the mind or tyranny -of Gods and Demons. We alone among creatures are cheated of our desires -and perish for the want of food amid plenty, and are cut off each from -his full share of the abounding love of the world. Who takes our share? -Jah! Who kills our love? Jah! Who filches the best of our thoughts, the -keenest sap of our courage? Who fills our lives and homes with darkness -and despair, and meanness and emptiness? Jah! I know not who Jah is, -nor whence He came, but I will dethrone Him.” - - -IX: THE EFFECT OF MR. BLY’S SERMON - -Street oratory was at that time very common, but there was a note in -Mr. Bly’s eloquence which attracted many of the inhabitants of the -district, especially the young, and he achieved a certain fame. No -one knew exactly what he was talking about, for, except for expletive -purposes, the word Jah had dropped out of the vernacular. Mr. Bly -was assumed to be some kind of politician, and he was certainly more -exciting than most. Therefore his audiences were twice as large as -those of any other speaker. Seeing this, a Labour Agitator came to -him and offered him a place on his committee and a pound a week as a -lecturer. - -“I can speak about nothing but Jah,” said Mr. Bly. - -“Speak about anything you like so long as you catch their ears,” said -the agitator. - -So Mr. Bly accepted the offer. - - -X: THE WIDOW MARTIN - -When Mr. Bly told his infernal companion of his engagement Mr. -Nicodemus said: - -“Talking is a very human way of creating a disturbance. My way and -Jah’s way is the way of corruption. We unseat the mind and poison the -soul with unsatisfiable desires. But if you wish it I will go with you. -We have lit a fire in Tib Street that will burn itself out without us.” - -“I should like your company,” replied Mr. Bly. “It helps me to be -reminded that Jah has been unjust to more than human beings. It -redoubles my fury and kindles my eloquence. I am determined to earn my -pound a week and drive Jah out of the land.” - -The devil began to draw on his shabby fur coat. Mrs. Martin had been -listening to their conversation. She burst in upon them and vowed that -her Nick should never, never leave her. With horrible callousness Mr. -Nicodemus told her that he was pledged to Mr. Bly, and asked her for -his tail. She refused to give it up, and was so stubborn that, at last, -after they had argued with her, and pleaded and stormed, and bribed -and bullied, she said she would produce his tail if she might go with -them; and they consented, for Mr. Nicodemus said that if he were ever -returned to power he would be in need of his tail, and indeed would be -a ridiculous object without it, his system of damnation being supported -by tradition and symbol and ritual. - -They had a merry supper-party, and that night took train for the town -appointed for Mr. Bly’s first appearance on a political platform. - - -XI: MAKING A STIR - -Where other politicians dealt in statistics, which, after all, are but -an intellectual excitement, a kind of mental cats’-cradle, our orator -sounded three notes: he appealed to a man’s love of women, his love of -children, and led his audience on to hatred of Jah. To the first two -they responded, were persuaded that they were as he said, cheated and -betrayed, and, though they could not follow him further without losing -their heads, they lost them and were filled with hatred. And as Mr. -Bly never made any reference either to Government or Opposition his -speeches were reported in the newspapers on both sides, and aroused -the greatest interest through the country. The well-to-do found -breakfast insipid without his utterances, and, to support him, they -subscribed largely to the funds of the organisation which promoted his -efforts. His salary was raised to two pounds a week on the day when a -Conservative organ published his portrait and a leading article on the -golden sincerity of the Working Classes. - - -XII: MAKING A STIRABOUT - -Where other orators damned everything from sewing cotton to -battleships, and so could not avoid giving offence, Mr. Bly damned only -Jah and hurt nobody’s feelings. But he produced an effect. He laid -every grievance at Jah’s door, and roused so much enthusiasm that at -last he began to believe in his power. - -It is not often that the people find a leader, and when they do they -expect him to lead. They were impatient for Mr. Bly to reveal to them a -line of action, and here he was puzzled. It was one thing (he found) to -talk about Jah, another to bring Jah to book. He had no other machinery -than that of the Labour Agitators, who had been making elaborate -preparations for a strike. Their preparations were excellent, but their -followers were reluctant. They could provide them with no adequate -motive. In vain did they talk of the dawn of Labour, the Rights of the -Worker, and a Place in the Sun; to all these the people preferred the -prospect of pay on Saturday. Nothing could stir them, until, at last, -at one of Mr. Bly’s meetings when he was being hailed as a leader and -implored to lead, and at his wit’s end what to do, upon a whisper from -behind, he said: - -“Strike! Strike against Jah! You are workers! Why do you work? To feed -your children. Your children die. Strike, I say, strike while the -iron is hot, the iron that has entered into your souls from the cruel -tyranny of Jah! There is no other enemy. You have no other foe....” - -He did not need to say more. The fat was in the fire. - - -XIII. SPARKS FLYING - -The fat crackled and sputtered. In thirty-six hours the business of -the town was at a standstill, and by that time Mr. Bly had visited -three other towns, and they too succumbed to his passion. At every town -he visited he was welcomed with brass bands and red carpets, and his -orders were obeyed. The Labour Agitators of the neighbouring countries -desired his services and cabled for him, and he promised to go as soon -as Jah was driven out of Fatland. - -The strikes were begun in feasting and merrymaking, and things were -done that delighted Mr. Nicodemus and the widow Martin’s heart: - -“The men are becoming quite themselves again.” - -And Mr. Nicodemus gazed upon it all and sighed: - -“Ah! If only Hell were open!” - -The widow Martin gazed upon him voluptuously and muttered: - -“It would be just ’Eaven to keep that public you’re always talking -about for ever and ever with you.” - - -XIV: SMOULDERING - -The strikers soon came to grips with want and the very poor were -brought to starvation. Only the more fiercely for that did their -passion glow. They forgot all about Mr. Bly and Jah: they were only -determined not to give in. They knew not wherefore they were fighting, -and were savagely resolved not to return to their old ways without some -palpable change. Forces and emotions had been stirred which led them to -look for a miracle, and without the miracle they preferred to die. The -miracle did not come and many of them died. - - -XV: SUCCOUR - -With a moderate but assured income the Fattish are humane, that is to -say, they grope like shadows through life and shun the impenetrable -shadow of death. They shuddered to think of the very poor dying with -their eyes gazing forward for the miracle that never came, and they -said: - -“To think of their finding no miracle but death! It is too horrible. -Can such things be in Fatland? Why don’t we do something?” - -So they formed committees and wrote to the newspapers and started -various funds; and they invited Mr. Bly to lecture in aid of them. - -He came to Bondon, lectured, and became the fashion. He discovered to -his amazement that there were rich people in Fatland, and these rich -people formed Anti-Jah societies. Enormous sums of money were collected -for the strikers, because the rich were so delighted to be amused. Mr. -Bly amused them enormously. Mr. Nicodemus gave a course of lectures -on the Kingdom from which Jah had deposed him, and Mrs. Martin held -meetings for women only, to expound her views of men. For years the -rich people had not been so vastly entertained, and they poured out -money for the strikers. - -Unfortunately their subscriptions could buy little else for the very -poor but coffins, and of them the supply soon came to an end. - -Famine and pestilence stalked abroad, but only the more fiercely -did Mr. Bly urge the destruction of Jah, and the more blindly and -desperately did the starving poor of Fatland look for the miracle. - -But soon not only were the poor starving, but the comfortable, the -tradespeople, the professional classes, the humane persons with -moderate but assured incomes were faced with want. Rats were now five -shillings a brace, and a nest of baby mice was known to fetch four -shillings. - -When the rich found their meals were costing them more than a pound a -head then they forgot their craze and Mr. Bly, and Mr. Nicodemus and -the widow Martin withdrew from Bondon. Mr. Bly was no longer reported -in the newspapers. His name had become offensive, the bloom had gone -from his novelty, the varnish from his reputation, and the sting out of -his power. - -In all the towns gaunt spectre-like men began to sneak back to work, -and Mr. Bly was nigh frenzied with rage, disgust and despair. - -“It is Jah!” he said. “It is Jah. He has crept into the hearts of men. -He has stirred their minds against me. Oh! my grief. He has used me to -bring men lower yet, so that they will live in viler dwellings, and eat -of fouler food, and be more meanly clad, more verminous than ever. The -women will be lower sluts and shrews than they have ever been, and of -their children it will be hard to see how they can ever grow into men -and women. Deeper and deeper into the pit has Jah brought us, and there -is now no hope.” - -And in his agony he remembered how in his childhood he had been taught -to pray to Jah, and he knelt and prayed that he might come face to -face with Jah, to tell Him what He had done, and to implore Him to -make an end of His cruelty and to destroy all at once. - -Hearing him pray Mr. Nicodemus fled from his side and left him alone -with the Widow Martin. Said she: - -“Don’t take on so, dearie. A man’s no call to take on so when he has a -woman by his side. There’s nothing else in the nature of things, but -men and women only. If we starve, we starve: and if we die, we die, -it’s all one. Have done, I say, there’s always room for a bit o’ fun.” - -“Fun!” cried Mr. Bly. - -And the comfortable creature took his head to her bosom, and there he -sobbed out his grief. - - -XVI: ON THE ROAD - -So the strike ended, and Nicholas Bly walked from town to town marking -its effects. It was as he had foreseen, and men were lower than before, -and every night he prayed that he might meet Jah to curse Him to His -face. For days on end he would utter never a word, but the widow Martin -stayed with him and saw that he ate and drank, stealing, begging, -wheedling, selling herself to get him food. She would say: - -“It’s not like Mr. Nicodemus. There’s very little fun in him, but a -woman doesn’t care for fun when she’s sorry for a man.” - -He was a grim sight now, was Nicholas Bly. His ragged clothes hung and -flapped on him as on a scarecrow. His cheeks were sunken and patched -with a dirty grey stubble. His eyes glared feverishly out of red -sockets, and they seemed to see nothing but to be asking for a sight -of something. There was a sort of film on them, but the light in the -man shone through it. His shoulders were bowed and his thin arms hung -limply by his side, but always his face was upturned, and he shook as -he walked, like a flame. - -The malady in him drove him to the heights. His desire was to be near -the sky. Presently he forsook the towns and went from one range of -hills to another seeking the highest in Fatland. - -At last after many days he reached the highest hill, and there he lay -flat on his face and would neither eat nor drink. By his side sat -the widow Martin, and she made certain that he was going to die, and -produced two pennies to lay upon his eyelids when death should come. - -On the third day he turned over on his back and said: - -“Jah is coming.” - -And it was so. - -Up the steep path came a man with a great beard and a huge nose and -eyes that twinkled with the light of merriment and shone with the -tenderness of irony, and blazed with the fire of genius. By his side -walked a slim dark figure, and with a joyful cry the widow Martin -declared it to be Mr. Nicodemus. - -Nicholas Bly sat up and began to rehearse all the curses that in his -bitterness he had prepared. - - -XVII: JAH - -He began: - -“By the dead bodies of the children of men; by the plagues and diseases -of the bodies of women; by the festering----” - -Very quietly Jah took His seat by his side and motioned to Mr. -Nicodemus to take up his position in front of them. In a voice of the -most musical sweetness and with a rich full diction He said: - -“As we made the ascent I was expostulating with my friend here for -the absurdity of his attempt to reinstate himself in the world. There -is no Hell. Neither is there a Heaven. These places live by faith as -we have done. It is a little difficult for us to understand, but we -have no occasion for resentment. Separately it is impossible for us to -understand. My meeting with my dark friend here led me a little way on -the road towards a solution. The four of us may arrive at something.” - -The widow Martin scanned Jah closely: - -“You’ve been a fine man in your time.” - -“I have never been a man,” replied Jah sadly. “Nor have I been able -to play my part in human affairs. Like my friend here I have been an -exile. I have been forced to dwell in the mists of superstition, even -as he has been confined in the dark depths of lust. Until now I never -understood our interdependence. I am the imagination of man. He is -man’s passion. Together we can bring about the release of love in his -soul. Separately we can do nothing to break his folly, his stupidity, -his brutality, his vain selfishness. Without us he can be inquisitive -and clever, vigorous and energetic, but he remains insensible, unjust, -cruel and cowardly.” - -And Nicholas Bly roused himself and he seemed to grow, and the film -fell from his eyes and he cried: - -“Blessed be Jah, blessed be Nicodemus, blessed be man and the heart of -man, blessed be woman and the love of woman, blessed be life, blessed -be death!” - -So saying he rose to his feet. Before his face the sun was sinking in -the evening glory: behind him the moon rose. - - -XVIII: JAH SPEAKS - -A great wind blew through Nicholas Bly’s hair and he bowed his head in -acceptance of the wonder of the universe. - -As the moon rose to her zenith Jah said: - -“There are Wonders beyond me and God is beyond imagination. My dwelling -is in the mind of men, but I have been driven therefrom. My friend here -should dwell in the heart of man, but he has been unseated. Together we -should win for man his due share of the world’s dominion and power, and -should be his sweetest stops in the instrument of life. For without us -is no joy, and with us joy is fierce. I speak, of the woman also, for -she is the equal of man and his comrade.” - -And as the moon was sinking to the west Jah said: - -“We have suffered too long, and we have brought forth nothing. Let us -no longer be separate, but let us, man, woman, God and Devil, join -together to bring forth joy, for until there is joy on earth there -shall not be justice, nor kindness, nor understanding, nor any good -thing. We are but one spirit, for the spirit is one, and none but the -undivided spirit can see the light of the sun.” - -Even as he spoke the sun came up in his majesty, dwarfing the mighty -hills, and Nicholas Bly raised his head and saw Nicodemus in the -likeness of a lusty young man, fine and splendid in his desire, and Jah -in the shape of a winged boy. And as he saw them they disappeared, and -he said: - -“They have vanished into the air.” - -From the scarred hillside came an echo: - -“Into the air.” - - -XIX: SONG - -Then did Nicholas Bly sing: - - “I have lived, I have loved, I have died, - And my spirit has burned like a flame; - In the furnace of life my soul has been tried, - I have dwindled to ashes of shame. - - I have glowed to the winds of my own desire, - I have flickered and flared and roared, - Through the endless night has flashed my delight - To declare my joy in the Lord. - - For the Lord is life and I am His, - And His are my shame and my pride. - My song is His: my Lord sings this: - I have lived, I have loved, I have died.” - - -XX: MORNING - -Waking, the woman said: - -“How is it with you, my man?” - -He answered: - -“I feel truly that I am a man.” - -Gazing upon the woman, he saw that she was beautiful. - - -XXI: HOPE - -They came down from the hills, and a mist descended upon them, and -presently a driving rain. They were glad of each other, and smiled -their joy upon all whom they met. Nicholas Bly never ceased to make -songs, and as he sang the woman laughed merrily. The songs he made he -sang to many men, but none would listen except the drunken man in the -public-houses. - -One day a very drunken man asked Nicholas Bly to sing a song again, and -he refused, because he wished to sing a better song. The man offered -him a mug of beer to sing again, but he refused, saying: - -“I do not sing for hire.” - -The man despised him and drank the beer himself, saying: - -“It’s a silly kind of sod will sing for nothing.” - -And he would hear no more. - -So it was everywhere. None could understand that Nicholas Bly should -sing for the delight of it or that there could be a joy to set him -singing. In the end, and that soon, his heart broke and he died, and -Fatland is as it is. - -Mr. Nicodemus and Jah were never seen again, nor in Fatland is there -trace or memory of them. - -But within the womb of the woman was the child of her man, so that she -gazed in upon herself with a great hope. In this she was so absorbed -that the insensibility of the Fattish moved her not at all and she -forgot to apply for her maternity benefit. - - - THE END OF - WINDMILLS - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES: - - - Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - - Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - - Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been standardized. - - Archaic or variant spelling has been retained. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Windmills</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:1em;'>A book of fables</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Gilbert Cannan</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: July 8, 2022 [eBook #68479]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS ***</div> - -<div class="figcenter hide"><img src="images/coversmall.jpg" width="450" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i_half_title.jpg" alt="" /></div> -<p class="caption">Windmills</p> - -<p class="caption">Gilbert Cannan</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i_title.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>WINDMILLS</h1> - -<p><span class="large">A BOOK OF FABLES</span></p> - -<p>BY<br /> -<span class="large">GILBERT CANNAN</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i_titlelogo.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<p><span class="allsmcap">NEW YORK</span>     B. W. HUEBSCH, <span class="allsmcap">INC.</span>     <span class="allsmcap">MCMXX</span></p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="center"> -COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY<br /> -B. W. HUEBSCH, INC.<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -PRINTED IN U. S. A.</p> -</div> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="center">TO<br /> -<span class="large">D. H. LAWRENCE</span></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>... <i>a huge terrible monster, called Moulinavent, who, with four strong -arms, waged eternal battle with all their divinities, dexterously turning -to avoid their blows, and repay them with interest.</i></p> - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">A Tale of a Tub</span></p> -</div></div> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_ix">[ix]</span> -<h2 class="nobreak">CONTENTS</h2> -</div> - -<table> - -<tr><td colspan="2"><span class="large"><span class="smcap">Samways Island</span>,</span> <a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">I</td><td> <span class="smcap">Tittiker</span>, <a href="#Page_3"> 3</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">II</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Bishop</span>, <a href="#Page_5"> 5</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">III</td><td> <span class="smcap">Arabella</span>, <a href="#Page_7"> 7</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IV</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Skitish Navy</span>, <a href="#Page_10"> 10</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">V</td><td> <span class="smcap">Captain Courageous</span>, <a href="#Page_15"> 15</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Hostilities</span>, <a href="#Page_16"> 16</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Siebenhaar</span>, <a href="#Page_18"> 18</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">More of Siebenhaar</span>, <a href="#Page_22"> 22</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IX</td><td> <span class="smcap">Siebenhaar on Women</span>, <a href="#Page_24"> 24</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">X</td><td> <span class="smcap">Love</span>, <a href="#Page_26">26</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Music</span>, <a href="#Page_26"> 26</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Adrift</span>, <a href="#Page_29"> 29</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Hunger</span>, <a href="#Page_31"> 31</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Military</span>, <a href="#Page_31"> 31</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Naval</span>, <a href="#Page_37"> 37</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVI</td><td> <span class="smcap">National</span>, <a href="#Page_38"> 38</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Reunion</span>, <a href="#Page_41"> 41</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Betrothal</span>, <a href="#Page_42"> 42</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIX</td><td> <span class="smcap">Reaction</span>, <a href="#Page_44"> 44</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XX</td><td> <span class="smcap">Home</span>, <a href="#Page_46"> 46</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"> </td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"><span class="large"><span class="smcap">Ultimus</span>,</span> <a href="#Page_49"> 49</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">I</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Son of His Father</span>, <a href="#Page_51"> 51</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">II</td><td> <span class="smcap">Questions</span>, <a href="#Page_53"> 53</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">III</td><td> <span class="smcap">Civilisation</span>, <a href="#Page_57"> 57</a><span class="pagenum" id="Page_x">[x]</span></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IV</td><td> <span class="smcap">War and Women</span>, <a href="#Page_62"> 62</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">V</td><td> <span class="smcap">Wireless</span>, <a href="#Page_65"> 65</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VI</td><td><span class="smcap">Bich is Obstinate</span>, <a href="#Page_67"> 67</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Plans</span>, <a href="#Page_72"> 72</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">In Fattish Waters</span>, <a href="#Page_74">74</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IX</td><td> <span class="smcap">An Afternoon Call</span>, <a href="#Page_77"> 77</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">X</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Most Beautiful Woman</span>, <a href="#Page_80"> 80</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XI</td><td> <span class="smcap">High Politics</span>, <a href="#Page_82"> 82</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XII</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Public</span>, <a href="#Page_87"> 87</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Emperor</span>, <a href="#Page_89"> 89</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIV</td><td> <span class="smcap">War</span>, <a href="#Page_93">93</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Siebenhaar on Society</span>,<a href="#Page_97"> 97</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Practical Considerations</span>,<a href="#Page_98"> 98</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Peace</span>, <a href="#Page_102">102</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Return of the Island</span>, <a href="#Page_104"> 104</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"> </td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"><span class="large"><span class="smcap">Gynecologia</span>, </span> <a href="#Page_107">107</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">I</td><td> <span class="smcap">History</span>, <a href="#Page_109"> 109</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">II</td><td> <span class="smcap">Castaway</span>, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">III</td><td> <span class="smcap">My Captor</span>, <a href="#Page_114"> 114</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IV</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Change</span>, <a href="#Page_117"> 117</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">V</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Homestead</span>, <a href="#Page_121"> 121</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Obsequies</span>, <a href="#Page_124">124</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Slavery</span>, <a href="#Page_127"> 127</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">A Strange Wooing</span>, <a href="#Page_128">128</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IX</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Ruined City</span>, <a href="#Page_130">130</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">X</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Outlaws</span>, <a href="#Page_132"> 132</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Edmund</span>, <a href="#Page_135"> 135</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XII</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Nunnery</span>, <a href="#Page_138"> 138</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">In the Capital</span>, <a href="#Page_142"> 142</a><span class="pagenum" id="Page_xi">[xi]</span></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIV</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Examination</span>, <a href="#Page_146"> 146</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Men of Genius</span>, <a href="#Page_149">149</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Revolution</span>, <a href="#Page_153"> 153</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"> </td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="2"><span class="large"><span class="smcap">Out of Work</span>, </span> <a href="#Page_159"> 159</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">I</td><td> <span class="smcap">Mr. Bly’s Heart Breaks</span>, <a href="#Page_161"> 161</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">II</td><td> <span class="smcap">Mr. Bly is Imprisoned</span>, <a href="#Page_162"> 162</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">III</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Dark Gentleman</span>, <a href="#Page_163"> 163</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IV</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Dark Gentleman’s Story</span>, <a href="#Page_165"> 165</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">V</td><td> <span class="smcap">Cogitation</span>, <a href="#Page_167">167</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Conflagration</span>, <a href="#Page_167"> 167</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Tib Street</span>, <a href="#Page_169">169</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">VIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Mr. Bly’s Sermon</span>, <a href="#Page_171"> 171</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">IX</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Effect of Mr. Bly’s Sermon</span>, <a href="#Page_173"> 173</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">X</td><td> <span class="smcap">The Widow Martin</span>, <a href="#Page_173">173</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Making a Stir</span>, <a href="#Page_175"> 175</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Making a Stirabout</span>, <a href="#Page_176">176</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Sparks Flying</span>, <a href="#Page_177"> 177</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Smouldering</span>, <a href="#Page_178"> 178</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XV</td><td> <span class="smcap">Succour</span>, <a href="#Page_178">178</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVI</td><td> <span class="smcap">On the Road</span>, <a href="#Page_181"> 181</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Jah</span>, <a href="#Page_183">183</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XVIII</td><td> <span class="smcap">Jah Speaks</span>, <a href="#Page_185">185</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XIX</td><td> <span class="smcap">Song</span>, <a href="#Page_186"> 186</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XX</td><td> <span class="smcap">Morning</span>, <a href="#Page_187"> 187</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td class="tdr">XXI</td><td> <span class="smcap">Hope</span>, <a href="#Page_187">187</a></td></tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_xii">[xii]</span></p> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_xiii">[xiii]</span> - -<h2 class="nobreak">PREFACE TO AMERICAN EDITION</h2> -</div> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Prophecy</span> of an event is unlikely to be interesting -after it and this may be the reason why my prophetic -utterances regarding the Great War took the -form of Satire. The first of these fables has a history. -It was published originally in London as a little -orange-covered booklet, called Old Mole’s Novel -and it was issued simultaneously with Old Mole, a -character to whom I was so attached that it gave -me great pleasure to attribute authorship to him. -Only a small edition was printed and it soon ran out -of print. A copy of it reached Germany and fell -into the hands of a group of young men who were -incensed by the nonsense the high-born Generals and -Admirals were talking in the Reichstag and I received -enthusiastic letters asking for more so that -these caustic prophecies might circulate in Germany -and serve as an antidote. That was more encouragement -than I had received in England and so, for -my German friends, who had the advantage of living -under a frank and not a veiled Junkerdom, I composed -the remaining fables and finished them a few -months before the outbreak of war. The translation<span class="pagenum" id="Page_xiv">[xiv]</span> -was proceeded with but so far as I know the -book was never issued in Germany. It appeared in -England early in 1915 and this intensely patriotic -effort of mine was condemned as unpatriotic because -we had already caught the German trick of talking -of war as holy. It sold not at all in its first expensive -edition because it was not a novel, nor an essay, -nor a play and the British public had no training -in Satire, but I have since had letters from both soldiers -and conscientious objectors saying that the -book was their constant companion and solace, -and I have recently learned that in a certain division -of the British Army it was declared to be a court-martial -offense for any officer to have the book in -his possession, presumably on the principle that the -soldier must not read anything which his superiors -cannot understand. That of course was good for -the sale of the book and the cheap edition also ran -out of print just about the time when the shortage -of paper produced a crisis in the affairs of authors -and publishers.</p> - -<p>The book was useful to me when the time came -as evidence that my objection to war was not an -objection to personal discomfort, the element of -danger, owing to my ill health, not arising as a point -at issue, though that would not have made any difference -to my position. My objection to war is that -it does not do what its advocates say it does, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_xv">[xv]</span> -that no good cause can be served by it. Good -causes can only be served by patience, endurance, -sympathy, understanding, mind and will.</p> - -<p>The attempt to remove militarism and military -conceptions from among human preoccupations -is a good cause and that I will serve with the only -weapon I know how to use—the pen, which they -say is mightier than the sword or even the howitzer. -Having applied myself to this service before the -outbreak of the Great War, which for me began in -1911, I was not to be diverted from it by the panic -confusion of those who were overtaken by the calamity -rather than prepared for it. With Windmills, -my essay on Satire, my critical study of Samuel -Butler, the Interlude in Old Mole, I was an active -participant in the Great War before it began, but of -course no one pays any attention to a prophet, especially -when he is enough of an artist to desire to -give his prophecy permanent form. That indeed -was my mistake. Had I thundered in the accents -of Horatio Bottomley instead of clipping my sentences -to the mocking murmur of satire I might have -been a hero to some one else’s valet, not having one -of my own. Peace has her Bottomleys no less renowned -than war, but I am afraid I am not among -their number, for I have long since returned to the -serious business of life, the composition of dramatic -works, and I am in the position that most ensures<span class="pagenum" id="Page_xvi">[xvi]</span> -unpopularity, that of being able to say ‘I told you -so.’</p> - -<p>I am a little alarmed when I consider how closely -the Great War followed my prophecy of it and turn -to the fables, Gynecologia and Out of Work, -which follow logically from the other. A world -governed by women as lopsidedly as it has been by -men would be much like that depicted here, and the -final collapse, if it came, would surely follow the -lines indicated in Out of Work. None of us knows -exactly of what we are a portent and who can imagine -to what Lady Astor’s flight into fame may lead? -If I had not already dedicated this book to my -friend D. H. Lawrence I would, without her permission, -inscribe upon it the name of the first woman to -take her Seat in the worst club in London, the -House of Commons.</p> - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Gilbert Cannan.</span></p> - -<p>New York, 1919.</p> - - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">[1]</span> -<h2 class="nobreak">Samways Island</h2> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">[2]</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[3]</span></p> - -<h3 class="nobreak">I: TITTIKER</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">George Samways</span> awoke one night with a vague -distressful feeling that all was not well with his -island. The moon was shining, but it was casting -the shadow of the palm tree in which he slept over -the hollow wherein he cooked his meals, and that -had never happened before.</p> - -<p>He was alarmed and climbed down his palm tree -and ran to the tall hill from which he was accustomed -to observe the sea and the land that floated -blue on the edge of the sea. The ascent seemed -longer than usual, and when he reached the summit -he was horrified to find a still higher peak before -him. At this sight he was overcome with emotion -and lay upon the earth and sobbed. When he could -sob no more he rose to his feet and dragged himself -to the top of the furthest peak and gazed out upon -an empty sea. The moon was very bright. There -was no land upon the edge of the sea. He raised -his eyes heavenwards. The stars were moving. -He looked round upon his island. It was shrunk, -and the forests were uprooted and the little lake at -the foot of the hill had disappeared. Before and -behind his island the sea was churned and tumbled, as<span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[4]</span> -it was when he pressed his hands against the little -waves when he went into the water to cleanse himself.</p> - -<p>And now a wind came and a storm arose; rain -came beating, and he hastened back to the hole in -the ground he had dug for himself against foul -weather. Then, knowing that he would not sleep, -he lit his lamp of turtle oil and pith and read <i>Tittiker</i>.</p> - -<p><i>Tittiker</i> was the book left to him by his father -whom he had put into the ground many years before, -even as he had seen his father do with his -mother when he was a little child. He had been -born on the island, and could just remember his -mother, and his father had lived long enough to -teach him how to fish and hunt and make his clothes -of leaves, feathers, and skins, and to read in <i>Tittiker</i>, -but not long enough to give him any clue to the -meaning of the book. But whenever he was sad it -was a great solace to him, and he had read it from -cover to cover forty times, for it was like talking to -somebody else, and it was full of names and titles, -to which he had attached personages, so that the island -was very thickly populated. Through <i>Tittiker</i> -he knew that the earth moved round the sun, -that the moon moved round the earth and made the -tides, that there were three hundred and sixty-five -days in the year, seven days in the week, and that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[5]</span> -printing is the art of producing impressions from -characters or figures.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">II: THE BISHOP</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">When</span>, the next morning, he crawled out of his lair -he saw a man strangely clad in black, with a shiny -corded hat on his head and an apron hanging from -his middle to his knees, gazing up into his palm tree -and down into his kitchen. The man in black saw -him and, in the language of <i>Tittiker</i>, said:</p> - -<p>“Alas, my poor brother!”</p> - -<p>“Are you my brother?” asked George.</p> - -<p>The man in black stepped back in amazement.</p> - -<p>“You speak Fattish?” he cried.</p> - -<p>“I have had no one to speak to for many years,” -replied George; “but my father spoke as you do.”</p> - -<p>“Let us pray,” said the man in black, kneeling -down on the sands.</p> - -<p>“Pray? What is that?”</p> - -<p>“To God. Surely you are acquainted with the -nature of God?”</p> - -<p>The word occurred in <i>Tittiker</i>.</p> - -<p>“I often wondered what it was,” said George.</p> - -<p>“Ssh!” said the man in black soothingly. “See! -I will tell you. God made the world in six days and -rested the seventh day....”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[6]</span>“It took me nearly six days to dig my father’s -grave, and then I was very tired.”</p> - -<p>“Ssh! Ssh! Listen.... God made the world -in six days, and last of all he made man and set him -to live in his nakedness and innocence by the sweat -of his brow. But man ate of the fruit of the tree -of knowledge and became acquainted with original -sin in the form of a serpent, and his descendants -were born, lived and died in wickedness and were reduced -to so terrible a plight that God in His mercy -sent His son to point the way to salvation. God’s -son was crucified by the Jews, was wedded to the -Church, and, leaving His bride to carry His name -all over the world and bring lost sheep home to the -fold, ascended into Heaven. But first He descended -into Hell to show that the soul might be -saved even after damnation, and He rose again the -third day. His Church, after many vicissitudes, -reached the faithful people of Fatland, which for all -it is a little island off the continent of Europe, has -created the greatest Empire the world has ever seen. -The Fattish people have been favoured with the -only true Church, whose officers and appointed ministers -are deacons, priests, rural deans, prebendaries, -canons, archdeacons, deans, bishops, archbishops. -I am a Bishop.”</p> - -<p>“All that,” said George, “is in <i>Tittiker</i>.”</p> - -<p>And he recited the names and salaries of six dioceses,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[7]</span> -but when he came to the seventh the Bishop -blushed and bade him forbear.</p> - -<p>“That,” he said, “is my diocese.” And he -swelled out and looked down his nose and made -George feel very uncomfortable, so that to bridge -the difficulty he went back to the Bishop’s story.</p> - -<p>“I like that,” he said. “And Hell is such a -good word. I never heard it before.”</p> - -<p>“Hell,” replied the Bishop, “is the place of damnation.”</p> - -<p>“Ah! my father used to say ‘damnation.’”</p> - -<p>“Ssh!”</p> - -<p>“There is something about Jews in <i>Tittiker</i>, but -what is original sin?”</p> - -<p>The Bishop looked anxiously from left to right -and from right to left and in a very low, earnest -voice he said:</p> - -<p>“Are there no women on your island?”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">III: ARABELLA</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Even</span> as the Bishop spoke there came round the -point a creature than whom George had not even -dreamed of any more fair. But her garments -seemed to him absurd, because they clung about her -nether limbs so as to impede their action. She -came with little steps toward them, crying:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[8]</span>“Father!”</p> - -<p>“My child! Not dead!”</p> - -<p>“No, dear father. I have been drying myself -over there. I have been weeping for you. I -thought I was the only one saved.”</p> - -<p>“So I thought of myself. What a wonderful -young woman you are! You look as if you were -going district visiting, so neat you are.”</p> - -<p>George was staring at her with all his eyes. -Never had he heard more lovely sounds than those -that came from her lips.</p> - -<p>“My daughter, Arabella,” said the Bishop.</p> - -<p>She held out her hand. George touched it fearfully -as though he dreaded lest she should melt -away.</p> - -<p>“I like you,” he said.</p> - -<p>“I’m so hungry,” cried Arabella.</p> - -<p>“I could eat an ox,” declared the Bishop.</p> - -<p>George produced a kind of bread that he made -from seeds, and the leg of a goat, and went off to -the creek near by to fetch some clams. He also -caught a crab and they had a very hearty breakfast, -washed down with the milk of cocoanuts. The -Bishop had explained the situation to Arabella, and -she said:</p> - -<p>“And am I really the first woman you have ever -seen!”</p> - -<p>“I had a mother,” replied George simply, “But<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[9]</span> -she was not beautiful like you. She dressed differently -and her legs were fat and strong.”</p> - -<p>“There, there!” said the Bishop. But Arabella -laughed merrily.</p> - -<p>The Bishop told how they had been with nineteen -other Bishops and their families upon a cruise in the -steam-yacht <i>Oyster</i>, each Bishop engaging to preach -on Sundays to the lay passengers, and how the propeller -had been broken and they had been carried -out of their course and tossed this way and that, and -finally wrecked (he thought) with the loss of all -hands, though the wireless operator had stuck to his -post to the last and managed to get off the tidings -of the calamity with latitude and longitude into the -air.</p> - -<p>It all conveyed very little to George, but it was an -acute pleasure to him to hear their voices, and as -they talked he looked from one to the other with a -happy, friendly smile.</p> - -<p>He was very proud to show his island to his visitors, -but distressed at the havoc wrought by the -storm, and he apologised for its unusual behaviour -in moving.</p> - -<p>“It has never done it before,” he explained, and -was rather hurt because Arabella laughed.</p> - -<p>He showed them where, as far as he could remember, -his father and mother lay buried, and he took -them to the top of the hill, and to amuse them<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[10]</span> -caught a goat and a little kind of kangaroo there -was in the forest, and a turtle. He displayed his -hammock in the palm tree and showed how he curled -up in it and wedged himself in so as not to fall out, -and promised to prepare two other trees for them. -They demurred. The Bishop asked if he might -have the lair, and Arabella asked George to build -her a house. He did not know what a house was, -but looked it up in <i>Tittiker</i> and could find mention -only of the House of Swells and the House of Talk. -Arabella made a little house of sand; he caught the -idea and spent the day weaving her a cabin of palm -branches and mud and pebbles. He sang whole -passages from <i>Tittiker</i> as he worked, and when it -was finished he led Arabella to the cabin and she -smiled so dazzlingly that he reeled, but quickly recovered -himself, remembered as in a vision how it -had been with his mother, flung his arms round her -neck and kissed her, saying:</p> - -<p>“I love you.”</p> - -<p>“I think we had better look for my father,” said -Arabella.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IV: THE SKITISH NAVY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">For</span> three nights did the Bishop sleep in the lair -and Arabella in her cabin. A grey scrub grew on the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[11]</span> -Bishop’s chin, and during the daytime he instructed -George solemnly and heavily as he delivered himself -of his invariable confirmation address,—(on -the second day he baptised George in the creek, and -Arabella was delighted to be his god-mother)—with -an eager pride as he told him of the Skitish -Isles where his diocese and the seat of the Empire -lay. The United Kingdom, he said, consisted of -four countries, Fatland, Smugland, Bareland, and -Snales, but only Fatland mattered, because the Fattish -absorbed the best of the Smugs and the Barish -and the Snelsh and found jobs for the cleverest of -them in Bondon or Buntown, which was the greatest -city in the world. He assured George that he might -go down on his knees and thank God—now that -he was baptised—for having been born a Fattishman, -and that if they ever returned to Bondon he -would receive a reward for having added to the -Skitish Empire.</p> - -<p>George knew all about the Emperor-King and his -family, and liked the idea of giving his island as a -present. He asked the Bishop if he thought the -Emperor-King would give him Arabella.</p> - -<p>“That,” said the Bishop, “does not rest with the -Emperor-King.”</p> - -<p>“But I want her,” answered George.</p> - -<p>Thereafter the Bishop was careful never to leave -his daughter alone, so that at last she protested and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[12]</span> -said she found Mr. Samways very interesting and -was perfectly able to take care of herself.</p> - -<p>So she was, and next time George kissed her she -gave him a motherly caress in return and he was -more than satisfied; he was in an ecstasy of happiness -and danced to please her and showed her all the -little tricks he had invented to while away the tedium -of his solitude, as lying on his back with a great -stone on his feet and kicking it into the air, and walking -on his knees with his feet in his hands, and -thrusting his toe into his mouth. He was downcast -when she asked him not to repeat some of his tricks.</p> - -<p>On the fourth day, for want of any other employment, -the Bishop decided to confirm George, who -consented willingly when he learned that Arabella -had been confirmed. The ceremony impressed him -greatly, and he had just resolved never to have anything -to do with Original Sin when a terrifying -boom broke in upon their solemnity. Some such -noise had preceded the detachment of the island, -and George ran like a goat to the top of the hill, -whence, bearing down, he saw a dark grey vessel -belching smoke and casting up a great wave before -and leaving a white spume aft. Also on the side of -the island away from his dwelling he saw two sticks -above water, and knew, from the Bishop’s description, -that it must be the steam-yacht <i>Oyster</i>. He -hastened back with the news, and presently the vessel<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[13]</span> -hove in sight of the beach, and it conceived and -bare a little vessel which put out and came over the -waves to the shore. A handsome man all gold and -blue stepped out of the little vessel and planted a -stick with a piece of cloth on it on the sands and -said:</p> - -<p>“I claim this island for the Skitish Empire.”</p> - -<p>“This island,” said the Bishop, “is the property -of Mr. George Samways.”</p> - -<p>“Damme,” roared the man in gold and blue, “it -isn’t on the chart.”</p> - -<p>“Mr. Samways was born here,” said Arabella -with the most charming smile.</p> - -<p>“Yes.” George saw the man glance approvingly -at Arabella and was anxious to assert himself. -“Yes, I was born on the island, but it broke loose -in a storm.”</p> - -<p>The officer roared again, the Bishop protested, -the men in the boat grinned, and at last Arabella -took the affair in hand and explained that her father -was the Bishop of Bygn and that they had been in -the ill-fated <i>Oyster</i>.</p> - -<p>The officer removed his hat and begged pardon. -They had received messages from the <i>Oyster</i>, but -the bearings were wrongly reported. Sighting land -not marked on the chart, they had decided to turn in -to annex it, but, of course, if Mr. Samways were a -Skitish subject that would be unnecessary, and—hum,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[14]</span> -ha!—All’s well that ends well and it was extremely -fortunate.</p> - -<p>Arabella said that Mr. Samways was not only a -Skitish subject but a member of the Church of Fatland, -and would be only too pleased to hand over his -island to the Colonial or whatever office might desire -to govern it. Mr. Samways was, so far, the -island’s whole permanent population and would -gladly give all particulars. For herself she was only -anxious to return to Fatland, and was excited at the -prospect of travelling on board one of the Emperor-King’s -ships of war. Meanwhile would Mr. ——</p> - -<p>“Bich.”</p> - -<p>—would Mr. Bich stay to luncheon?</p> - -<p>Mr. Bich stayed to luncheon. In the afternoon -he made a rough survey of the island, sounded the -surrounding waters, declared that movement had -ceased, and that so far as he could make out the -island was fast on a submarine reef, with which it -had collided so violently that a promontory had -cracked and was even now sinking, and with it the -<i>Oyster</i>.</p> - -<p>Careful examination of the shore on that side of -the island revealed no more than the bodies of two -Lascars, two nailbrushes, a corded silk hat, a Bible, -a keg of rum and five tins of condensed milk. In -that awful shipwreck had perished nineteen Bishops -and their families, a hundred and ten members of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[15]</span> -the professional and trading classes, the crew, the -captain, mates, and a cat.</p> - -<p>They stood there on that wild shore amid the solitude -of sea and sky, the Skitish officer, the Bishop, -Arabella, and George Samways, and their emotions -were too deep for words.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">V: CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> ship lay-to, and, while the Captain and Mr. -Bich discussed the island in the language of their -trade, the Bishop, whenever possible, preached a -sermon, or discoursed on the beauties of nature; but -Arabella took George under her protection, had his -hair cut and his beard shaved, and with a smile -bought of the youngest sub-lieutenant a suit of his -shore-going clothes, a set of shirts, collars, and all -necessary under-garments. George found them -most uncomfortable, but bore with them for her -sake.</p> - -<p>As the result of the eloquence of Mr. Bich the -Captain went ashore and returned to report that, -the promontory now having sunk to the depths of the -ocean, a very decent harbour had been made and the -island would be valuable to the Empire as a coaling-station. -His pockets were bulging when he came -aboard, and Arabella elicited from Mr. Bich that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[16]</span> -the island was rich in precious stones and metals, -and that the pebbles of which her cabin had been -built were emeralds and aquamarines such as had -never before been seen. Arabella told her father, -and he bade her say nothing, adding impressively:</p> - -<p>“We must protect Mr. Samways’ interests.”</p> - -<p>But George was thinking of nothing but the best -means of obliterating Mr. Bich, upon whom it -seemed to him that Arabella was casting a too favourable -eye.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VI: HOSTILITIES</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the ship steamed away from the island the smoke -of another vessel was sighted. It was signalled, but -no reply was hoisted. There was great excitement -on board and the chief gunner said:</p> - -<p>“Let me have a go at them.”</p> - -<p>The Captain stood upon the bridge, a figure of -calm dignity with a telescope to his eye. Mr. Bich -explained to Arabella and George that the ship was -a Fatter ship, and that the Fatters had lately been -taking islands on the sly without saying anything to -anybody, because they were jealous of the Skitish -Empire and wanted to have one too.</p> - -<p>“Do islands make an Empire?” asked George.</p> - -<p>“Anything you can get,” replied Mr. Bich.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[17]</span>The Fatter ship was making for the island. -After her went the grey vessel, and it was a nose-to-nose -race who should first reach the harbour. The -Fatter ship won. The grey vessel fired a gun. -The gig was lowered and the Captain, looking very -grim and determined, put off in her.... Arabella -dropped a pin and it was heard all over the vessel. -It was a relief to all on board when the Bishop knelt -and offered up a prayer for the Captain’s safety. -The Amen that came at the end of it brought the -tears to George’s eyes, and his blood ran cold when -it swelled into a cheer as the Captain’s gig broke -loose from the Fatter ship and came tearing over -the smooth waters.</p> - -<p>The Captain’s face was very white as he stepped -on deck and called Mr. Bich and the other officers -to his state-room, and whiter still were the faces of -Mr. Bich and the officers when they left it. The -vessel shook with the vibration of the engines: there -was a strange and stormy muttering among the men: -the vessel headed for the open sea. George was -taken to his cabin and locked in. He lay down on -the floor and tried to go to sleep. A roaring and a -rumbling and a banging and a thudding made that -impossible. The shaking made him feel so sick that -he wished to die. Near by he could hear Arabella -weeping, and that was more than he could bear. -He thrust and bumped against his door and worked<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[18]</span> -himself into a sweat over it, but it seemed that it -would not give. As he reached the very pit of despair, -the door gave, the floor gave, the walls heaved -in upon him; in one roaring convulsion he was flung -up and up and up, and presently came down and -down and down into the sea. It tasted salt and was -cool to his sweating body and he was glad of it.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VII: SIEBENHAAR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">He</span> was not glad of it for long, because he soon became -very cold and was nipped to numbness. He -assumed that it was the end, and felt a remote regret -for Arabella. Other thought he had none.</p> - -<p>When he came to himself he was, or seemed to be, -once more in the room from which he had been so -violently propelled, but there were two men standing -near him and talking in a strange tongue. Presently -there came a third man who spoke to him in -Fattish.</p> - -<p>“Hullo! Thought you were done in,” said the -man.</p> - -<p>George stared.</p> - -<p>“Done in. Dead.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, I was.”</p> - -<p>The man laughed.</p> - -<p>“Funny fellow you are. Eyes just like a baby.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[19]</span>“Where is Arabella?” asked George. “Where -am I?”</p> - -<p>“Give you three guesses,” said the man.</p> - -<p>“On a ship?”</p> - -<p>“Right.”</p> - -<p>“The Emperor-King’s ship?”</p> - -<p>“No. The King-Emperor’s. You have the -honour to be the first prisoner in the great Fattero-Fattish -war.”</p> - -<p>“War? What is that?”</p> - -<p>“War? You don’t know what war is? Have -you never read a newspaper?”</p> - -<p>“I have only read <i>Tittiker</i>. It tells about a War -Office, but I never knew what it was for.”</p> - -<p>“My name’s Siebenhaar, engineer and philosophical -student, and I fancy you are the man I have been -looking for all my life. You should be capable of a -pure idea....”</p> - -<p>“What,” asked George, “is an idea?”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar flung his arms around him and embraced -him and recited a long poem in his own language.</p> - -<p>“You shall be presented at the Universities!” he -said. “You shall be a living reproach to all writers, -thinkers, artists, and I, Siebenhaar, will be your -humble attendant.”</p> - -<p>“Did I say anything unusual?”</p> - -<p>“Unusual? Unique! Colossal! The ultimate<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[20]</span> -question! ‘What is war? What is an idea?’ -Ach?”</p> - -<p>George insisted on an explanation of the meaning -of war, and then he asked why the Fattish and the -Fatters should be intent upon mutual destruction, -and also what the difference between them might be.</p> - -<p>“Difference?” said Siebenhaar. “The Fattish -drink beer that you can hold; the Fatters drink beer -that runs through you. That is all there is to it.”</p> - -<p>With that he sent for some Fatter beer and drank -a large quantity himself and made George taste it. -He spat it out.</p> - -<p>“Is that why they are making war?”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar smacked his lips.</p> - -<p>“Man,” he said, “is the creature of his internal -organs, almost, I might say, their slave. The lungs, -the heart, the kidneys, the stomach, the bladder, -these control a man, and every day refashion him. -If they do their work well, so does he. If they do -it ill, then so does he. Each of the organs has secretions -which periodically choke their interaction, -and bring about a state of ill-humour and discomfort -in which the difference between man and man -is accentuated, and their good relations degenerate -into hatred and envy and distrust. At such times -murders are committed and horrible assaults, but -frequently discretion prevails over those desires, -suppresses them but does not destroy them. They<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[21]</span> -accumulate and find expression in war, which has -been led up to by a series of actions on the part of -men suffering from some internal congestion. Modern -war, they say, is made by money, and the lust for -it. That is no explanation. No man becomes a -victim of the lust for money except something interferes -with his more natural lusts: no man, I go so -far as to say, could so desire money as to become a -millionaire except he were const——”</p> - -<p>“But what has this to do with beer?” interrupted -George.</p> - -<p>“I’m coming to that,” continued Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>“Beer taken in excess is a great getter of secretions, -and man is so vain an animal as to despise -those whose secretions differ from his own. What -is more obvious than that the implacable enemies of -the Eastern hemisphere should be those whose drink -is so much the same but so profoundly different in -its effects? Internal congestion may bring about -war, but in this war the material is undoubtedly supplied -by beer. And I may add, in support of my -theory, that once war is embarked upon, those engaged -in it suffer so terribly from internal disorganisation -as to become unanswerable for their actions, -and so mad as to rejoice in the near prospect of a -violent death. Moltke was notoriously decayed inside -and the state of Napoleon’s internal organs will -not bear thinking on.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">[22]</span>George protested that he had never heard of -Napoleon or Moltke, and Siebenhaar was on the -point of embracing him, when, muttering something -about Fatter beer, he rose abruptly and left the -room.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VIII: MORE OF SIEBENHAAR</h3> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">There</span> is a woman aboard,” said Siebenhaar when -he returned. “I suppose you have never seen a -woman?”</p> - -<p>“Two,” said George simply.</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar slapped his leg.</p> - -<p>“Have you any theory about them?” he asked.</p> - -<p>“Theory? I don’t know what theory is. I -loved them. I put my arms round their necks and -rubbed my face against their soft faces. It was -very nice. I should like to do it every night before -I go to sleep. I should like to do it now.”</p> - -<p>“You shall,” said Siebenhaar, and he went out -and came back with Arabella.</p> - -<p>George leaped from his berth and flung his arms -round her neck and embraced her, and she was so -surprised and delighted that she kissed him, and -Siebenhaar wept to see it.</p> - -<p>“I don’t know who you are, madam,” he said, -“but if I were you I should stick to that young man<span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">[23]</span> -like a barnacle to a ship’s bottom. I would creep -into his heart and curl up in it like a grub in a ripe -raspberry, and I would go down on my knees and -thank Heaven for having sent me the one man in the -modern world who may be capable of a genuine and -constant affection. You have him, madam, straight -from his mother’s arms, with a soul, a heart, as virgin -as I hope your own are.”</p> - -<p>Arabella disengaged herself from George’s now -ardent embrace, drew herself up, and with the haughtiness -of her race, said:</p> - -<p>“My father was a bishop of the Church of Fatland.”</p> - -<p>“That,” said Siebenhaar, “does not exempt you -from the normal internal economy of your sex or its -need of the (perfectly honest) love of the opposite -sex. My point is that you have here an unrivalled -opportunity of meeting an honest love, and I implore -you to take it.”</p> - -<p>“I would have you know,” retorted Arabella, -“that I am engaged to my late father’s chaplain.”</p> - -<p>“War,” said Siebenhaar, “is war, and I should -advise you to seek protection where it is offered.”</p> - -<p>“If you would hold my hand in yours,” said -George to Arabella, “I think I should sleep now. I -am so tired.”</p> - -<p>Arabella held George’s hand and in two minutes -he was asleep.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_24">[24]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IX: SIEBENHAAR ON WOMEN</h3> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">There</span> are some,” said Siebenhaar, “who regard -women as a disease, a kind of fungoid distortion of -the human form. But only the very lowest species -are hermaphrodite, and the higher seem to be split -up into male and female for the purpose of reproduction -without temporary loss of efficiency in the -task of procuring food. The share of the male in -the act of reproduction is soon over, and among the -wisest inhabitants of the globe the male is destroyed -as soon as his share is performed. Human beings -are not very wise: they have an exaggerated idea of -their importance; and they are reluctant to destroy -the life of their kind except in occasional outbursts -of organised homicide such as that on which we are -now engaged. The share of the female entails the -devotion of many months, during which she needs -the protection of the male, whom, for that reason, -and also because she hopes to repeat the performance, -she retains by every art at her disposal. -Hence has arisen the institution of marriage, which -pledges the male to the protection of the female -and their offspring. Whether a moral principle is -engaged in this institution is a question upon which -philosophers cannot agree. It is therefore left out -of most systems of philosophy. Mine is based on<span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">[25]</span> -my answer to it, which is that there is no moral principle -engaged. Morality is for the few who are -capable of it. Few men have the capacity for ideas, -but all men love women, except a few miserable degenerates, -who prefer a substitute. There is no -idea in marriage. It is an expedient. Sensible -communities admit of open relief from it; in duller -communities relief has to be sought in the byways. -And still no moral principle is engaged. It is a matter -only of supplying the necessities of human nature. -Now, love is a different affair altogether. Love is -an idea, a direct inspiration. It alone can transcend -the tyranny of the internal organs and lead a man -not only to perceive his limitations but within them -to create beauty, and creative a man must be directly -he becomes aware of the heat of love in the heart of -a woman. There is no other such purging fire, none -that can so illuminate the dark places of the world -or so concentrate and distil such lightness as there -is. All evil, I have said, comes from congestion; to -release the good a purge is necessary, and there is -no purge like woman. Therefore, madam, I do -most solemnly charge you to tend the fire of love in -your heart. Never again will you find a man so -sensible to its warmth—(most men can see no -difference between love and indigestion)—Oh, -madam, discard all thoughts of marriage, which is -an expedient of prudence, which is cowardice, of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_26">[26]</span> -modesty, which is a lure, of innocence, which in an -adult female is a lie, to the winds, do exactly as you -feel inclined to do, and love. Madam ——”</p> - -<p>But by this Arabella was asleep. She had sunk -back against George, her lovely tresses lay upon his -shoulder, and her hand clasped his.</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar wiped away a tear, heaved a great -sigh, took his beer-mug in his hand and crept away -on tip-toe.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">X: LOVE</h3> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XI: MUSIC</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">On</span> deck was a band playing dirge-like dragging -hymns, for the Admiral of that ship was a very pious -man and believed that the Almighty was personally -directing the war against the enemies of Fatterland, -and would be encouraged to hear that ship’s -company taking him seriously.</p> - -<p>No sooner did Siebenhaar set foot on deck than -he was arrested.</p> - -<p>The Chaplain had listened to every word of his -discourse and reported it to the Admiral, who detested -Siebenhaar because he was always laughing<span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">[27]</span> -and was very popular with the crew. Word for -word the Chaplain had quoted Siebenhaar’s sayings, -so that he could deny nothing but only protest that -it was purely a private matter, a series of opinions -and advice given gratuitously to an interesting -couple.</p> - -<p>“Nothing,” roared the Admiral, “is given to the -enemies of our country.”</p> - -<p>“We are all human,” said Siebenhaar. “I was -carried away by the discovery of human feeling -amid the callousness of this pompous war.”</p> - -<p>The Admiral went pale. The Chaplain shuddered. -The officers hid their faces.</p> - -<p>“He has spoken against God’s holy war,” said -the Chaplain.</p> - -<p>“That’s all my eye,” said Siebenhaar. “Why -drag God into it? You are making war simply because -you have so many ships that you are ashamed -not to use them. The armament companies want -to build more ships and can invent no other way of -getting rid of them.”</p> - -<p>“God has given us ships of war,” said the Chaplain, -“even as He has given us the good grain and -the fish of the sea. Who are we that we should not -use them?”</p> - -<p>The sub-Chaplain had been sent to discover the -effect of Siebenhaar’s advice upon the enemies of -Fatterland. The accused had just opened his mouth<span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">[28]</span> -to resume his defence when the sub-Chaplain returned -and whispered into the ear of his chief.</p> - -<p>“God help us all!” cried the Chaplain. “They -are desecrating His ship!”</p> - -<p>There was a whispered consultation. George -and Arabella were brought before the court, and if -George was the object of general execration, Arabella -won the admiration of all eyes, especially the -Admiral’s, who regarded his affections as his own -particular, private and peculiar devil and was now -tempted by him. The Chaplain held forth at great -length; the Admiral grunted in apostrophe. Only -Siebenhaar could interpret. He said:</p> - -<p>“They say we have blasphemed their God of -War. I by giving advice, you by acting on it. It is -not good to be fortunate and favoured among hundreds -of mateless males. It will go hard with us.”</p> - -<p>“And Arabella?” asked George.</p> - -<p>“They will keep Arabella,” replied Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>They were silenced.</p> - -<p>A boat was stocked with corned beef, biscuits, -and water. George and Siebenhaar were placed in -it and it was lowered. The band resumed its playing -of dirge-like dragging hymns, and through the -wailing of the oboes and the cornet-à-piston George -could hear the sobs of Arabella.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">[29]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XII: ADRIFT</h3> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">Now</span>,” said Siebenhaar, “you have an opportunity -to exercise your national prerogative and rule the -waves.”</p> - -<p>George made no reply. His internal organs were -supplying him with an illustration of Siebenhaar’s -theory. The waves did just as they liked with the -boat, sent it spinning in one direction, wrenched it -back in another, slipped from under it, picked it up -again and every now and then playfully sent a -drenching spray over its occupants.</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar talked, sang and slept, and, when he -was doing none of these things, ate voraciously.</p> - -<p>“I insist on dying with a full stomach,” he said -when George protested.</p> - -<p>George ate and slept and thought of Arabella, -when he could think at all.</p> - -<p>“Death,” said Siebenhaar, “must be very surprising: -but then, so is life when you penetrate its -disguises and discover its immutability. We hate -death only because it is impossible to pretend that it -is something else, so that it comes at the end of the -comedy to give us the lie. After this experience I -think I shall change my philosophy and seek the -truth of life with the light of death. You never -know: it might become fashionable. Women like<span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">[30]</span> -their thoughts ready-made, and they like them -bizarre. Women are undoubtedly superior to -men....”</p> - -<p>But by this time George was in such a state of discomfort -that he lay flat on his face in the bottom -of the boat and groaned:</p> - -<p>“I am going to die.”</p> - -<p>“Eat,” said Siebenhaar, “eat and drink.” And -he offered corned beef and water.</p> - -<p>“I want to die,” moaned George, and he wept -because death would not come at once. He hid his -face in his hands and howled and roared. Siebenhaar -himself ate the corned beef and drank the -water, and went on eating and drinking until he had -exhausted all their supply. Then he curled up in -the bows and went to sleep and snored.</p> - -<p>And the waves changed their mood and gave the -boat only a gentle rocking.</p> - -<p>George opened his eyes and gazed up into the sky. -It was night and the stars were shining brilliantly. -Red and yellow and white they were and they danced -above him. He was astonished to find that he did -not wish to die. He was very hungry. He crawled -over to Siebenhaar and shook him and woke him up.</p> - -<p>There was neither food nor water in the locker.</p> - -<p>“In the great cities of the civilised world,” said -Siebenhaar, “there are occasional performers who -go without food for forty days. We shall see.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">[31]</span>“I am thirsty,” whimpered George.</p> - -<p>“Those occasional performers,” returned Siebenhaar, -“drink water and smoke cigarettes, and they -are sheltered from the elements by walls of glass. -We shall see.”</p> - -<p>With that he turned over and went to sleep again.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIII: HUNGER</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">George’s</span> face was sunk and his eyes glared. Siebenhaar -tried to spit into the sea, but it was impossible. -He was daunted into silence.</p> - -<p>Another day began to dawn.</p> - -<p>“If this goes on,” said George in a dry whistling -croak of a voice, “I shall eat you.”</p> - -<p>And he glared so at Siebenhaar’s throat that the -philosopher turned up his coat collar to cover it.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIV: MILITARY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">At</span> dawn a shower of rain came. They collected -water in George’s boots. They had already eaten -Siebenhaar’s.</p> - -<p>Thus revived, George stood up, and on the edge -of the sea saw blue land and little white sails. They -came nearer and nearer, and presently they were delivered<span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">[32]</span> -by a little vessel that contained one white -man and ten negroes. Neither George nor Siebenhaar -could speak, but they pointed to their bellies -and were given to eat.</p> - -<p>“I recant,” said Siebenhaar. “There is nothing -to be learnt from death, for death is nothing. The -stomach is lord of life and master of the world.”</p> - -<p>With that he recounted their adventures and -the reason for their being in such a woeful plight. -The master of the ship, on learning that Siebenhaar -was a Fatter, said that he must deliver him up -as a prisoner when they reached Cecilia, the capital -of the Fattish colony which they would see as soon -as the fleet—for it was a fishing fleet—turned into -the bay.</p> - -<p>“As a Philosopher,” said Siebenhaar, “I have no -nationality. As an engineer—but I am no longer -an engineer. The Admiral and the Chaplain will -have seen to that. My life is now devoted to Mr. -Samways, as in a certain narrower sense it has nearly -been.” And he told the master of the ship how -George was by birth the proprietor of the island in -dispute between the two nations, and how the island -shone with precious stones and glittered with a -mountain of gold. The master’s cupidity was -aroused, and he agreed to grant Siebenhaar his liberty -on the promise of a rich reward at the conclusion -of the war. He was a Fattishman, and could<span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">[33]</span> -not believe that there would be any other end than -a Fattish triumph.</p> - -<p>A pact was signed and they sailed into Cecilia, the -governor of which colony was Siebenhaar’s cousin -and delighted to see him and to have a chance of -talking the Fatter language and indulging in philosophical -speculations for which his Fattish colleagues -had no taste. He welcomed George warmly on his -first entry in a civilised land, and was delighted to instruct -him in the refinements of Fattish manners: -how you did not eat peas or gravy with your knife, -and how (roughly speaking) no portion of the body -between the knees and shoulders might be mentioned -in polite society, and how sneezing and coughing -and the like sudden affections were to be checked or -disguised. George talked of Arabella and the wonderful -stir of the emotions she had caused in him. -Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch (for that was his -name) was greatly shocked, and told how in the best -Fattish society all talk of love was forbidden, left by -the men to the women, and how among men the emotions -were never discussed, and how, since it was impossible -to avoid all mention of that side of life, men -in civilisation had invented a system of droll stories -which both provided amusement and put a stop to -the embarrassment of intimate revelations.</p> - -<p>However, as George’s vigour was restored by the -good food he ate in enormous quantities, he could<span class="pagenum" id="Page_34">[34]</span> -not forbear to think of Arabella or to talk of her. -He spoke quite simply of her to a company of -officers, and they roared with laughter and found it -was the best story they had ever heard.</p> - -<p>When the officers were not telling droll stories, -they were playing cards or ball games or boasting -one against the other or talking about money.</p> - -<p>George asked what money was, and they showed -him some. He was disappointed. He had expected -something much more remarkable because -they had been so excited about it. They told him he -must have money, and Colonel Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch -gave him a sovereign. A man in the street -asked George to lend him a sovereign and George -gave it to him. The officers were highly amused.</p> - -<p>The adventurers had not been in Cecilia above -a week when the town was besieged and presently -bombarded. Except that there was a shortage of -food and that every day at least thirty persons were -killed, there was no change in the life of the place. -The officers told droll stories and played cards or -ball games or boasted one against the other or -talked about money. They ate, drank, slept, and -quarrelled, and George found them not so very much -unlike himself except that he was serious about his -love for Arabella, while they laughed. He asked -Siebenhaar what civilisation was. Said the philosopher -with a wave of his hand:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">[35]</span>“They have built a lot of houses.”</p> - -<p>“But the ships out there are knocking them -down.”</p> - -<p>“They have made railways from one town to another.”</p> - -<p>“But the black men have torn the railways up.” -(For the native tribes had risen.)</p> - -<p>Said Siebenhaar:</p> - -<p>“No one can define civilisation. It means doing -things.”</p> - -<p>“Why?”</p> - -<p>“Thou art the greatest of men,” replied Siebenhaar, -and his face beamed approbation and love upon -his friend. But to put an unanswerable question to -Siebenhaar was to set him off on his theories.</p> - -<p>“First,” he said, “the stomach must be fed. -Two men working together can procure more food -than two men working separately. That is as far as -we have got. Until the two men trust each other we -are not likely to get any further. Until then they -will steal each other’s tools, goods, women, and -squabble over the proceeds of their work and make -the world a hell for the young. When one man -steals or murders it is a crime: when forty million -men steal, murder, rape, burn, destroy, pillage, sack, -oppress, they are making glorious history, a lot of -money, and, if they like to call it so, an Empire. -But Empire and petty thefts are both occasioned by<span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">[36]</span> -the lamentable distrust of the two men of our postulate.”</p> - -<p>“But for Arabella,” said George, “I could wish -I had never left my island.”</p> - -<p>News of the war came dribbling in. The island -had been twice captured by the Fatter fleet, and -twice it had been evacuated. The Fatters had suffered -defeat in their home waters but had gained a -victory in the Indian seas. Came news that the island -had again been captured, then the tidings that -the whole of the Fatter fleet and army was to be concentrated -upon Cecilia and the colony of which it -was the capital.</p> - -<p>“Why?” asked George.</p> - -<p>“Because a new reef of gold has been discovered -up-country.”</p> - -<p>The bombardment grew very fierce. From the -mountain above the town ships of war could be seen -coming from all directions, and some of them were -Fattish ships, but not enough as yet to come to grips -with the Fatter fleet.</p> - -<p>The inland frontiers were attacked but held, -though with frightful loss of life. Then one night -from the Fatter fleet came a landing party, and Colonel -Sir Gerard Schweinfleisch called a council of -war, and the officers sat from ten o’clock until three -in the morning debating what had best be done.</p> - -<p>At half-past one the landing party were only a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">[37]</span> -mile away. A shell burst in the street as George -was walking to his lodging and three men were killed -in front of him. It was the first time he had seen -such a thing. It froze his blood. He gave a yell -that roused the whole town, ran, was followed -by a crowd of riff-raff seizing weapons as they went, -and rushed down upon the enemy, who had stopped -for a moment to see two dogs fighting in the road. -They were taken by surprise and utterly routed.</p> - -<p>There is no more rousing episode in the whole military -history of Fatland. George was for three days -the hero of the Empire. He received by wireless -telegraphy countless offers of marriage, ten proposals -from music-hall engagements, and by cable a demand -for the story of the fight from the noble proprietor -of a Sunday newspaper. It was impossible to persuade -that noble proprietor that there was no extant -photograph of Mr. Samways, and a fortune was -spent in cablegrams in the fruitless attempts to do so.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XV: NAVAL</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> it turned out the concentration on Cecilia was a -fatal tactical error, directly traceable to the King-Emperor, -who had never left the capital of Fatterland -and had been misled by certain telegrams which -had been wrongly deciphered. The entire Fattish<span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">[38]</span> -navy was collected upon the bombarding fleet and -utterly destroyed it.</p> - -<p>George and Siebenhaar watched the engagement -from the mountain above Cecilia. It was almost -humorous to see the huge vessels curtsey to the water -and so disappear. It was astonishing to see the Fattish -admiral surround nine of his own vessels and -cause them also to curtsey and disappear.</p> - -<p>“What in hell,” said George, who had by now -learned the nature of an oath, “what in hell is he -doing that for?”</p> - -<p>“That,” said Siebenhaar, “is for the benefit of -the armament contractors. A war without loss of -ships is no use to them.”</p> - -<p>And suddenly George burst into tears, because he -had thought of all the men on board, and was overcome -with the futility of it all and the feeling that -he was partially to blame for having been born on his -island.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVI: NATIONAL</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Fattish are an emotional race. They had overcome -the Fatters, and the only outstanding hero of -that war was George. They insisted on seeing -George. They clamoured for him. They sent a -cruiser to fetch him from Cecilia, and the commander<span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">[39]</span> -of that cruiser was none other than Mr. -Bich, who had won promotion.</p> - -<p>His astonishment was no less great than George’s, -but his adventures were less interesting. After the -destruction of the ship he had been saved by a turtle -which had been attracted by his brass buttons and -had allowed him to ride on his back so long as they -lasted. He had had to give it one every twenty minutes, -and had just come to his last when he was seen -and rescued. He had thought himself the only survivor, -and when he heard that Arabella also had been -delivered from the waves there came into his eye a -gleam which George did not like.</p> - -<p>The voyage was quite monotonously uneventful -and George was glad when they reached Fatland. -The Mayor, Corporation, and Citizens, also dogs -and children, of the port at which he landed, turned -out to meet him; he was given the freedom of the -borough, and a banquet, and at both ceremony and -meal he was photographed.</p> - -<p>In Bondon he was given five public meals in two -days. He was so bewildered by the number of people -who thronged round him that he left all arrangements -in Siebenhaar’s hands, and Siebenhaar liked -the banquets.</p> - -<p>He was received by the Emperor-King and decorated, -and the Empress-Queen said: “How do you -do, Mr. Samways?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">[40]</span>He was followed everywhere by enormous crowds, -and outside his lodgings there were always ten policemen -to clear a way for the traffic. His romantic history -had put a polish on his fame: the motherless and -fatherless orphan, all those years alone upon an island; -no woman in Fatland old or young, rich or -poor, but yearned to be a mother to him and make up -to him for all those years. And then the wonderful -story of his acceptance of the Fattish religion, his reception -on those golden sands into the church at the -hands of the good Bishop of Bygn, after the appalling -disaster to the <i>Oyster</i>. All was known, and the -emotional Fattish found it irresistibly moving. -George in all innocence created a religious revival -such as had never been known. The theatres, music-halls, -picture palaces were deserted: no crowds attended -the football matches or the race-meetings, and -when the newspapers had exhausted the Story of -George Samways their circulation dropped to next to -nothing. The situation for certain trades looked -black indeed.</p> - -<p>But of all of this George recked nothing. His -one thought was for Arabella.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">[41]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVII: REUNION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Siebenhaar</span> took a malicious delight in the ruin of -the newspaper trade, and pledged George to attend -a mammoth church meeting in Bondon’s greatest hall -of assembly. There were forty bishops on the platform, -and a Duke presided. George entered. -There were tears, cheers, sobs, sighs, groans, conversions; -and hundreds suddenly became conscious of -salvation, swooned away and were carried out.</p> - -<p>The Duke spoke for fifty minutes. Mr. Samways -(he said) would now tell the story of his—er—er—“Have -I got to say something?” said George to -Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>“Tell them,” said Siebenhaar, “to look after the -stomach and the rest will look out for itself.”</p> - -<p>George advanced toward the front of the platform -and beamed out upon the eager audience.</p> - -<p>Arabella let a pin drop and it could be heard all -over the hall.</p> - -<p>It <i>was</i> Arabella! For a moment George could -not believe his eyes. It was she! He leaped down -from the platform, took her in his arms and covered -her with kisses.</p> - -<p>So strong was the hypnotic power of his fame that -there was no male in that huge audience but followed -his example, no female, old or young, rich or poor,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">[42]</span> -but yielded to it. In vain did the bishops protest -and quote from the marriage service of the Fattish -Church; in vain did they go among the audience -and earnestly implore the individual members of it -to desist. They replied that George Samways had -revealed a new religion and that they liked it.</p> - -<p>And above the tumult rose the voice of Siebenhaar -saying: —— But what he said is unprintable.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVIII: BETROTHAL</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">How</span> he escaped from the pandemonium George -never knew, but his first clear recollection after it was -of being borne swiftly through the streets of Bondon -with Arabella in his arms, she weeping and telling -him of the hard and vile usage she had been put to -on the Fatter ship, for the Admiral was a horrid -man. She told him how she had at last been taken -to the Fatterland and there, by her father’s influence—(for -her father also had been marvelously delivered -from an untimely end)—released and sent, -first-class at the expense of the Fatter Government, -home to Fatland, and how she had there resumed her -old life of district visiting and tea parties and diocesan -conferences and rescuing white slaves and had -been content in it until she had seen him, when all her -old love had sprung once more into flame and she<span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">[43]</span> -would never, never desert him more. George wept -also and protested that he would never leave her -side.</p> - -<p>She took him to her home, and her father, who -had been prevented by indisposition from attending -the meeting, blessed him and made him welcome.</p> - -<p>It was very late and George drew Arabella to his -side and said he would send for his things.</p> - -<p>“Things!” said the Bishop.</p> - -<p>“We love each other,” replied George.</p> - -<p>“Do you propose to marry this man?” asked the -Bishop.</p> - -<p>Arabella blushed and explained to George that he -must go away until they were married, and the -Bishop revealed the meaning of the word.</p> - -<p>“But why?” asked George.</p> - -<p>“It is so ordained,” said the Bishop, and George -was exasperated.</p> - -<p>“I love Arabella,” he cried. “What more do -you want? And what on earth has it got to do with -you or anybody else? I love Arabella, and my love -has survived shipwreck, starvation, explosion, battle, -murder, and the public festivities of Fatland....”</p> - -<p>With extraordinary cynicism the Bishop replied:</p> - -<p>“That may be. But it is doubtful if it will survive -marriage; therefore marriage is necessary.”</p> - -<p>This illogical argument silenced George. The -Bishop finally gave his consent and the marriage was<span class="pagenum" id="Page_44">[44]</span> -arranged to take place in a month’s time, and the -announcement of the betrothal was sent to the only -remaining morning newspaper.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIX: REACTION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">There</span> were great rejoicings when peace between -Fatland and Fatterland was signed and ratified, and -the day was set apart for an imposing ceremony at -the Colonial Office, when George’s island was to be -solemnly incorporated in the Empire.</p> - -<p>In a little room high up in the huge offices Field-Marshals, -Admirals, and Cabinet Ministers foregathered. -The State Map of the World was produced -and the island was marked on it, and George with -his own hand was to have the privilege of underlining -its name in red ink. It was an awful moment. -George dipped his pen in the ink—(it was the first -time he had ever held a pen in his hand and he had -to be instructed in its use); he dipped his pen in the -ink, held it poised above the map, when the door -opened and a white-faced clerk rushed in with a sheet -of paper as white as his face. This he gave to the -Colonial Secretary, who collapsed. The Lord High -Flunkey took the paper and said:</p> - -<p>“Good God!”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">[45]</span>George dropped the pen and made a red blot on -the State Map of the World.</p> - -<p>The Lord High Flunkey pulled himself together -and said:</p> - -<p>“My Lords and Gentlemen, the South Seas -Squadron commissioned to annex the new island reports -that it has moved on and cannot be found.”</p> - -<p>“This is a serious matter, Mr. Samways,” said -the senior Admiral.</p> - -<p>“I’m awfully sorry,” answered George, and he -walked out of the room.</p> - -<p>It had been arranged that when George underlined -the name of his island on the map, the national -flag should be run up on the offices so that the expectant -crowd should know that the Empire had -been enlarged and the war justified. There was an -appalling silence as George left the building. He -slipped into the crowd before he was recognized and -before the awful news had spread.</p> - -<p>There was a groan, a hoot, a yell, and the crowd -stormed and raved. Stones flew, and soon there was -not a window in that office left unbroken.</p> - -<p>The Government resigned, and with its fall fell -George Samways. He was not the object of any -active hostility. He was simply ignored. It was -as though he had never been. When he called at the -Bishop’s house to see Arabella, the footman stared -through him and said the Bishop would be obliged<span class="pagenum" id="Page_46">[46]</span> -if he would write. George took the fellow by the -scruff of the neck and laid him on the floor. Then -he ran upstairs to Arabella’s room.</p> - -<p>“You!” she said.</p> - -<p>“Yes. I love you.”</p> - -<p>“We can’t be married now.”</p> - -<p>“No. We needn’t wait now. You’re coming -with me.”</p> - -<p>He assisted her to pack a small handbag, and with -that they set forth.</p> - -<p>At George’s lodgings they found Siebenhaar in -argument with the master of the ship, who had delivered -them and had now come to Bondon to claim -his reward. He had sailed from Cecilia in his own -ship, which was even now at the docks.</p> - -<p>“We will sail in her,” said George, “and we will -find my island.”</p> - -<p>“Find the island? The whole navy’s looking for -it!”</p> - -<p>“It will come to me,” said George.</p> - -<p>And Siebenhaar embraced Arabella and congratulated -her on having taken his advice.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XX: HOME</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">They</span> had a pleasant voyage, saw the sea-serpent -twice, and when they came to the South Seas every<span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">[47]</span> -night George sang those strange melodious chants -that he had made out of <i>Tittiker</i>. One night when -they had been at sea nigh eight months up and down -the Southern Seas and almost into the Antarctic, -George fell into a kind of swoon and said:</p> - -<p>“She is coming, she is coming, my mother, my -land.”</p> - -<p>And Arabella, fearing for his reason, implored -Siebenhaar to distract him with talk, and the master -of the ship to make for the nearest port. But -George silenced Siebenhaar, and in an unearthly -voice he crooned:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Cathoire Mor, or the Great—had thirty -sons.</p> - -<p>Conn Ceadchadhach, called the Hero of the -Hundred Battles—slain.</p> - -<p>Conaire—killed.</p> - -<p>Art-Aonfhir, the Melancholy—slain in battle.</p> - -<p>Lughaidh, surnamed MacConn—thrust -through the eye with a spear in a conspiracy.</p> - -<p>Feargus, surnamed Black-teeth—murdered at -the instigation of his successor.</p> - -<p>Cormac-Ulfhada—‘A Prince of the most excellent -wisdom, and kept the most splendid -court that ever was in Bareland’; choked by -the bone of a fish at supper....”</p> -</div> - -<p>Near dawn he rose to his feet and stood with outstretched<span class="pagenum" id="Page_48">[48]</span> -arms, yelling at the top of his voice:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Connor, or Conchabhar—‘died of grief, -being unable to redress the misfortunes of -his country.’</p> - -<p>Niall-Caillie—drowned in the river Caillie.</p> - -<p>Turgesius—‘expelled the Barish historians, -and burnt their books’; thrown into a lough -and drowned....”</p> -</div> - -<p>And Siebenhaar lifted up his eyes in wonder, for -there was such a note of triumph in George’s voice.</p> - -<p>The sun was casting up his first rosy glow upon -the sky, and against it, dark blue, almost purple, -stood a tall hill that grew. There was little wind, -but the ship sped forward.</p> - -<p>“My beloved! My island!” cried George, -and Arabella fell upon his neck.</p> - -<p>As the sun rose above the horizon they slipped -ashore upon the yellow sands, and George’s palm -tree bowed to them and they four, George, Arabella, -Siebenhaar and the master of the ship, joined hands -and danced together.</p> - -<p>Then George took Arabella to the little cabin and -he said:</p> - -<p>“The house I built for you.”</p> - -<p>But Siebenhaar said:</p> - -<p>“I am devilish hungry.”</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">[49]</span> -<h2 class="nobreak">Ultimus</h2> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_50">[50]</span></p> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">[51]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">I: THE SON OF HIS FATHER</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Though</span> her love for George never faded, Arabella -could not take kindly to life on the island. She -bore herself cheerfully until she was with child, and -then, when she began to plan careers for her son, she -was oppressed by the absence of opportunity which -that life could afford. She told herself that when -she was dead and Siebenhaar was dead and George -was dead the boy would be left alone with the Captain, -who was only a common man. She had another -two months to go when the Captain disappeared -one night with his ship and a cargo of rubies -and emeralds. The blow was too much for her: the -only means of communication with the world of -Bishops and white slaves was gone; she sank into a -profound melancholy: the boy was born before his -time; and she died.</p> - -<p>George flung himself on the sands and wept and -swore he would call the boy Judas, because he had -betrayed him. However, Siebenhaar protested, -saying that, as the boy could not be christened, it was -not right to give him a Biblical name. He said that -he personally should call him Ultimus as he bade<span class="pagenum" id="Page_52">[52]</span> -fair to be the last of his line, unless, as had happened -before, the island should insist on its population -being continued. For that was how, after much -cogitation, the philosopher had come to explain the -previous strange adventure. George was indifferent, -but from hearing Siebenhaar call the boy Ultimus -he also adopted the name, not knowing its sad -significance. Bearing deeply imprinted in his soul -the marks of his unhappy contact with the world, -George forbade all mention of it in his son’s presence. -Never was he to know of the hateful race -who inhabited Fatland, and of the indomitable Fatters -whose admiral had so shamefully treated his -mother. However, Siebenhaar used to talk in his -sleep, and he often slept in the middle of the day. -When he was six years old little Ultimus came to his -father and said:</p> - -<p>“What is God? What is an engine? Is the -world round? What is a mother? Who is Siebenhaar’s -father? What is a professor? Why does -Siebenhaar talk in two ways? If you helped me to -be born why can’t I help some one else? Is a Bishop -a kind of man? Did I kill my mother, and how did -I do it if I never saw her? Is this your island? -What is an island? Are there other sorts of land? -Are the stars land? Is the moon land? Is the sun -land? If you are my father, why isn’t Siebenhaar -some one’s father? Are all big men fathers?<span class="pagenum" id="Page_53">[53]</span> -How do they do it? There are two kinds of goats, -why aren’t there two kinds of men? If there are -she-goats, why aren’t there she-men? What is a -ship? Siebenhaar is always talking about ships. -What is money? Are you a King? There is a -King in Fatland. When is a father grand?...”</p> - -<p>George gave one despairing look at his son. He -groaned:</p> - -<p>“Arabella, my love, my love.”</p> - -<p>Then he walked out into the sea and disappeared. -A few hours later his body was washed up on the -shore, and Siebenhaar had to explain to the boy that -his father was dead. Ultimus said:</p> - -<p>“He walked out into the sea.”</p> - -<p>“To such peace,” replied Siebenhaar solemnly, -“do we all come.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">II: QUESTIONS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">If</span> the boy’s questions were fatal to his father they -were a delight to Siebenhaar, who had no further -scruple about giving instruction, for, in the hardship -and solitude which had been his fate since his encounter -with George, his philosophy had matured -and he saw that the remaining years of his life might -be spent in the instruction and preparation of a disciple.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_54">[54]</span>They would sit for hours together on the sands -drawing maps and diagrams for illustration. Siebenhaar -had no knowledge which he did not communicate -to Ultimus, who by the time he was seventeen -was a master of mathematics, German philosophy, -the rudiments of physics, chemistry, geology, -physiology, biology, psychology, botany, meteorology, -astronomy. They made wind and stringed instruments -and played duets composed of what Siebenhaar -could remember of Beethoven. The boy -was a good sculptor and painter, a carpenter, a cabinet-maker, -a mason, a cook, an engineer, a weaver, -a tailor, a cobbler. He could read and write five -languages, was familiar with the geography of the -whole world, and knew the situations of the best -brothels in all the first-class ports. When he began -to have needs which there was no means of satisfying, -Siebenhaar explained them to him:</p> - -<p>“You are now reaching that state of man which -reveals the futility of all knowledge, since you are -awakened to desires which no knowledge can satisfy. -Rest assured that in the world your case would be no -better, but rather would be aggravated by opportunity -and failure. You are, at any rate, spared the -tragedy of your father whose love destroyed the -object of his desire and reduced him to a morbid condition -in which your healthy wish for knowledge was<span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">[55]</span> -more than he could bear. It is right to wish for -knowledge, because only through that can we recognise -our ignorance, and see the humour of our position. -If you can see that you can be happy and glad -that you have lived.”</p> - -<p>Poor Ultimus tried hard to do so, but he often -retired from their conversations to weep, and Siebenhaar -would find him sitting in the water consoling -himself with music. The unhappy youth became -a prey to boredom and wearied of the arts and -sciences and discussions with which they filled the -day. They had long ago arrived at the conclusion -that there was no God, no ascertainable purpose in -the universe, and nothing in life but the fun or nuisance -of living. He became romantic and plagued -Siebenhaar for stories, love-stories, bawdy experiences, -the tale of his meeting with George, and the -deathless fable of the love of George and Arabella. -From that he came to delight in the idea of war, and -Siebenhaar explained to him how wars came about: -how in the first place men were obsessed by superstitions -about God, each community believing itself to -be specially favoured and inspired by the unseen -powers, and ignoring all the evidence to the contrary, -as poverty, disease, corruption, bad art, inefficiency, -and domestic unhappiness. As a consequence -each community was jealous of every other, and supported<span class="pagenum" id="Page_56">[56]</span> -its claims to moral superiority and divine -favour with a great show of force, of armed ships -on the sea and trained men on the land.</p> - -<p>To illustrate his remarks Siebenhaar concocted explosives -and Ultimus found such great amusement in -them and was so busy destroying the houses he had -built, the statues he had made, the engines he had -contrived, that the philosopher was forced to change -his theory of war and to see that it has its roots in -boredom.</p> - -<p>Thereafter Ultimus was alternately busy with the -arts and sciences and with destroying all his works -when he was bored with them and could not help recognising -their futility. As his explosives upset Siebenhaar’s -nerves and the tranquillity he required for -his contemplation, they made an arrangement that -Ultimus should give notice of his destructive intentions -when he felt them coming on. Then Siebenhaar -would retire to the other side of the island and -leave him to it.</p> - -<p>The boy made a careful study of explosives and -experimented with them until he could send huge -palm trees hundreds of feet into the air. It became -his ambition to blow up the mountain. He made -several attempts, but could not succeed. He blew -great holes in it and discovered mines of gold and -diamonds and platinum and various new earths which, -when mixed with his explosive, increased its power.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">[57]</span> -But the mountain seemed to be capable of absorbing -any shock. He had just given up his experiments in -despair when Siebenhaar came rushing over in a -great state of excitement to say that the island had -moved a degree and a half.</p> - -<p>The two men looked at each other incredulously, -not daring to believe in what was thumping in both -their minds. They prepared a new charge, took -their bearings, exploded it, and found that they were -moving at the rate of twenty-three knots an hour, -N.N.W. The next charge they placed so that the -island moved W.N.W.</p> - -<p>They could then navigate and go whither they -pleased. They embraced, danced, killed a goat, and -drank heavily to celebrate their triumph.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">III: CIVILISATION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> north point of the island was a rocky headland, -a precipice hundreds of feet above the sea-level. Beyond -it jutted three jagged rocks. One morning -Siebenhaar found on one of these rocks the hull of a -vessel, and when he looked closer he saw a man sitting -disconsolate upon it. He fetched Ultimus, who -threw stones to attract the man’s attention. It was -impossible to make him hear. They gesticulated to -tell him to swim to his right, and at last he caught<span class="pagenum" id="Page_58">[58]</span> -their meaning, stripped and plunged into the sea. -They had already stopped the island, which was now -making only a gentle way, so that there was no danger -of his being run down.</p> - -<p>By the time they reached the shore the man was -already sitting on the sands drying himself and eating -a cocoa-nut. He was above middle age, and -had a little fat belly and long thin legs. Siebenhaar -addressed him in Fattish, and the man said he was a -Rear-Admiral in the Fattish Navy and would like to -know what in hell they meant by ruining his battle -in which he had got the Fatters fairly on the run.</p> - -<p>“Battle?” said Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>“Yes. Four cruisers, six destroyers, and torpedo -craft. All gone on the rocks. The most amazing -thing in all my long experience. Not a sign of -a rock on the chart. You must have got the Fatters -first, for their firing suddenly ceased. Who are -you? What are you?”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar told him it was Samways Island.</p> - -<p>The man’s jaw dropped.</p> - -<p>“I spent the best part of three years after that,” -he said. “I originally annexed it for the Empire.”</p> - -<p>“Not,” cried Siebenhaar. “<i>Not</i> Mr. Bich?”</p> - -<p>“Bich is my name.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar disclosed his identity and Rear-Admiral -Bich covered his amazement and emotion with -a volley of expletives. He asked after George, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">[59]</span> -when he was told that both he and Arabella were -dead he could not check his tears.</p> - -<p>He shook Ultimus warmly by the hand and said -he was the very spit of his father, with a strong look -of his mother. Then he added: “I must not forget -my duty as an officer, and, as a matter of form, -I claim the island once more for the Empire.”</p> - -<p>“If you do,” said Ultimus quietly, “I shall blow -you in pieces. I know how the Fattish Empire -treated my father, and, but for your kindly thoughts -of my mother, I would send you to join the ships -which I am only too happy to have destroyed if such -a disaster can cause any genuine commotion in Bondon. -I will further caution you to be careful what -you say, as I am unaccustomed to society other than -that of the wise Siebenhaar, and already feel my soul -filled with dislike and contempt for you. This island -is my island by inheritance, it is moving by my will -and I shall allow you to stay on it just as long as you -are useful to me.”</p> - -<p>Rear-Admiral Bich saw the strength of Ultimus’ -position and was silent until Siebenhaar asked him -for news of civilisation, when he expressed surprise -that they had not heard of the war.</p> - -<p>“War?” said Siebenhaar. “Are they still at -that game? Why, we were told that the Fattero-Fattish -war was to be the last.”</p> - -<p>“That,” replied the Admiral, “was a mere skirmish.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_60">[60]</span> -There are six or seven nations at war with -Fatterland.”</p> - -<p>“Alas! my poor country!” cried the philosopher. -“I knew how it would be. Their infernal greed -and conceit, their confusion of mind, their slothfulness, -their desire for discipline, their liking for monuments -and display, their want of tact, all these defects -needed but success for them to grow into active -vice and plunge them into disaster. To any nation -a period of successful peace is fatal. The employment -of commercial cunning unredeemed by any -other exercise of the mind is, after a time, unutterably -boring, and the most obvious relief from it is -found in the ideal of a nation in arms. Now that -is a barren ideal. To train men for so stupid and -brutal a trade as the soldier’s is to increase the already -excessive amount of stupidity and brutality in -the world. To maintain large bodies of stupid and -brutal men in arms is in the end to be forced to find -an excuse for using them. Human nature, I fear, is -incurably pugnacious and destructive. I have had -to amend many of my more optimistic opinions concerning -the human race since I have had the privilege -of watching the development of our young friend -yonder. He is normal, healthy and intelligent, and -acquainted with all the resources of civilisation, -physical and mental. There is hardly a practical -discovery of modern science that I have not placed<span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">[61]</span> -at his disposal for his use and amusement, but these -do not satisfy him. He is not exposed to the nervous -pressure to which in our crowded modern states I -used to ascribe outbreaks of hostility. No. In the -absence of an enemy he must declare war upon his -own handiwork, upon the elements, upon the very -earth itself.”</p> - -<p>“Before you go any further,” said the Rear-Admiral, -“I should like something to eat, and I should -like to explain that on our side in the war is the right. -The Fatters have behaved like savages. They have -burned cities, murdered old men and children, raped -women and committed every outrage.”</p> - -<p>“I have seen something of warfare myself,” said -Siebenhaar. “It is a bestial occupation. When a -man has become accustomed to slaughter by license, -what is there to make him stop at minor offences such -as theft, rape, and wounding? Soldiers who are unchaste -in peace do not become chaste when war is declared. -In a friendly country the women consent. -In a hostile country some of them protest, generally -because they are panic-stricken and in terror of -worse happening to them.”</p> - -<p>“This war,” said the Rear-Admiral, “is holy.”</p> - -<p>“I am a Fatter,” replied Siebenhaar, “and the -Fatters have been taught for generations that all -war is holy and sanctifies all that is done in its -name.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_62">[62]</span>“We,” said the Fattishman, “fight like gentlemen.”</p> - -<p>“And,” retorted the philosopher, “like gentlemen -you burn and rape and pillage.”</p> - -<p>“Your conversation,” said Ultimus, “has interested -me extremely. I am filled with a burning desire -to see civilisation, war, soldiers, and, above all, -women. We will go to the centre of civilisation, -and if I do not like it I shall blow it in pieces.”</p> - -<p>“Two can play at that game,” said Bich. “We -have explosives too.”</p> - -<p>For answer, Ultimus reached out and pressed two -wires together. There was a rumble, a crash, a -thud, and hundreds of tons of rock were torn away -from the side of the mountain and hurled into the air -to fall, miles away, into the sea.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IV: WAR AND WOMEN</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> a sailor, Charles Bich, though middle-aged, liked -nothing better than to talk about women. He was -sentimental about them, but at the same time sensually -appreciative of their beauty. To such an extent -did he inflame the young man’s imagination that Siebenhaar -had to protest.</p> - -<p>“It is a shame,” he cried, “that the son of such a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_63">[63]</span> -father should be polluted with the obsessions of civilised -men.”</p> - -<p>With the air of leaving no more to be said, Ultimus -remarked:</p> - -<p>“I like them.”</p> - -<p>“So do all unintelligent men,” replied Siebenhaar, -“and they are driven mad by them and hope against -hope for the day when all restraint will be removed. -This is another potent factor in the production of -war. Women are not to the same degree subject to -these terrible obsessions, but they do regret their -limited opportunities in the organised society of -peace. Further, in times of war they like to think -that men are fighting for them, and they love to be -regaled with stories of violence and outrage, especially -those who have been entirely chaste, and have -no hope of anything else.”</p> - -<p>The Rear-Admiral blushed.</p> - -<p>“When we fight,” he said, “we fight for our -country, our King, our Empire, for the all-red map -of the world.”</p> - -<p>“These,” replied Siebenhaar, “are words. Country, -King, Empire, are protective ideas. What you -love and what you defend is your mode of living, -which you have adopted partly because you have a -prejudice in favour of it, partly because you like it -better than any other you can conceive. Your living -consists in eating, drinking, consorting with women,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_64">[64]</span> -and rearing any family you may produce. Everything -else is introduced merely to disguise any unpleasantness -there may be in the exercise of those -functions. For the most part they are lies, illusions, -hallucinations, obsessions, which you find convenient -to cloak your unimportance. As a naval officer you -justify the absurd occupation by which you procure -your livelihood. My young friend here is under no -such painful necessity and I wish him to be spared -all mental confusion.”</p> - -<p>“Personally,” interrupted Ultimus, “I do not -wish to be influenced by either of you. You, sir,” -addressing Siebenhaar, “have given me all the -knowledge and wisdom you have stored up in your -adventurous life, and you, sir, have out of your life -of duty, given me a new interest in the two things, -war and women, which have hitherto been denied me. -I am much obliged to you, and, if you don’t mind we -will continue the erection of the wireless installation -we began yesterday, because I am anxious to establish -communication with the world as soon as possible.”</p> - -<p>Ultimus and Bich retired to the top of the mountain -leaving Siebenhaar sadly tracing on the sands a -rough caricature of a woman. So horrible was it to -him that he could not finish it and obliterated it with -his foot.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_65">[65]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">V: WIRELESS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Every</span> day brought messages from the world. The -Fattish had made a glorious retreat of sixty miles. -The Waltzians were offering a glorious resistance to -the Grossians. With the help of God the Fatters -had gloriously evacuated their trenches on the west, -and heroically withdrawn from a river on the east. -With assistance from above the Fattish navy had -swept the Fatter flag from the seven seas. The -Bilgians had been nobly extinguished, though their -flag was still flying and their King ruled over a -flooded country. Hundreds of thousands of men -were killed, wounded, and lost. From country to -country General congratulated General, Admirals -sent their applause to Field-Marshals, Statesmen -exchanged bravos, and monarchs thanked each other -and God for timely assistance.</p> - -<p>Rear-Admiral Bich said: “Isn’t it glorious—glorious?”</p> - -<p>“At present,” replied Ultimus, “I am so confused -that I can make nothing of it. Why are they all so -pleased with themselves? Do they like to think of -thousands of men dying?”</p> - -<p>“They have died for their country. They are -heroes.”</p> - -<p>“I don’t see that. I cannot imagine myself going<span class="pagenum" id="Page_66">[66]</span> -out of my way to die for my island, and Fatland is -also an island.”</p> - -<p>“Ah!” said the Rear-Admiral. “But there are -no women on your island, no little ones, no homes.”</p> - -<p>“There is Siebenhaar who has been father and -mother to me, master and instructor.”</p> - -<p>“Well! Suppose you saw men designing to murder -Siebenhaar, would you not raise a hand to defend -him?”</p> - -<p>“Not if I saw there was not the remotest chance -of saving him. But that is nonsense. No one -would want to murder Siebenhaar.”</p> - -<p>“I don’t know about that. There are times -when he is so exasperating that I hardly dare answer -for myself.”</p> - -<p>“That is absurd,” replied Ultimus. “You know -that I should destroy you at once if you did anything -to Siebenhaar. The case might be different if you -were in such a position that there would be consequences. -But why deal with hypothesis when you -are confronted with facts?”</p> - -<p>The simple sailor was no hand at an argument, -and just at that moment there came the news of the -loss of a Fattish fleet after an encounter with the -Fatters, with an account of the heroic death of the -Commander, Rear-Admiral Sir Charles Bich.</p> - -<p>Unfortunately the island was not yet in a position -to transmit messages and the unhappy Bich had to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">[67]</span> -rest inactive, crushed with the burden of the news of -his own death and his inability to contradict it.</p> - -<p>“You see,” said Ultimus, “you <i>have</i> died for your -country, you are a hero, and you do not like it at all.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VI: BICH IS OBSTINATE</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> point was argued for many days. Bich -would not withdraw from his assertion that it was -glorious to die for his country, but at the same time -he could not disguise his distress at having done so.</p> - -<p>“If I had died,” he said, “it would have been -glorious.”</p> - -<p>“Only in the eyes of your countrymen,” said Siebenhaar. -“You already have that, and if you had -died you would not have known anything about it.”</p> - -<p>“There is a heaven above,” cried Bich.</p> - -<p>“Which you could never have entered. Has not -Heaven enjoined you not to kill and not to resist -evil?”</p> - -<p>“In the service of my country!”</p> - -<p>“What does heaven know of your country? -Heaven is eternal. Its laws are for eternity. Your -country, your Empire are mere temporary arrangements -for the convenience of a few millions of men -and women who wish to profit by the labours of people -less fortunate than themselves. You are therefore<span class="pagenum" id="Page_68">[68]</span> -contending that it is glorious to die for a -man’s material advantage, or, in other words, for political -and financial vested interests.”</p> - -<p>“I am prepared at any moment to die for my -country.”</p> - -<p>“You <i>have</i> died.”</p> - -<p>“I have not.”</p> - -<p>“You have died and been given the glory attaching -to such death.”</p> - -<p>“That is what I cannot bear.”</p> - -<p>“Then,” said Ultimus, “I will give you a root -which will procure you a perfectly painless death. I -see that you do not mind dying for your country so -long as you do not know about it.”</p> - -<p>“And that,” put in Siebenhaar, “is where he is -consistent. He is like all the men of his time and -condition; he does not mind living, in fact he quite -likes it, so long as he knows nothing about it and is -not called upon to realise what he is doing. When -he is faced with the consequences of such insensibility -he is so appalled that he welcomes the idea of death, -if he can find some excuse for it. Therefore he has -invented a myth called his country and proposes to -die for that. According to his prejudices it is cowardly -to draw a fire-arm upon himself, but it is right -and brave to place himself in the line of some one -else’s fire. Such a condition of imbecility is extremely -infectious. It sweeps through crowds of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">[69]</span> -men like a disease through cattle. But, as men are -indomitably hopeful, they do not destroy each other, -as you, Ultimus, might suppose. No, they wait until -they can discover another crowd of men in the same -lamentable condition, and fall upon them in the hope -of a victory which shall restore their self-conceit and -once more blind them to the appalling consequences -of their own ill-doing. And here, at last, we do -touch upon one of the prime causes of war. Superficially -it looks as though the immediate cause was this, -that the governors of States make such a mess of the -affairs with which they are entrusted and reduce their -people to so lamentable a condition that they must -seek war as an outlet, and to give the male populace -as soldiers the food which they have made it impossible -for them to earn as workers. There is also the -consideration that a large proportion of the male -populace will be removed from all possibility of -making trouble. That is an interesting but a superficial -view which attaches more blame to the rich -than they deserve. No. A more profound analysis -gives us the result I have previously indicated, -that wars are invariably due to moral epidemics. -And, since the human race will always be subject to -them, there will always be war.”</p> - -<p>Ultimus had withdrawn at the beginning of the -discussion. Having no knowledge of men in herds, -he could not follow the line of Siebenhaar’s argument.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_70">[70]</span> -He returned now to say that he had obliterated -another battle. On this the Rear-Admiral was -excited and wished to know what ships he had seen -and what flag they were flying.</p> - -<p>“I do not know,” replied Ultimus, “but there -were nine ships attacking three and that struck me -as so unfair that I decided to make an end of it.”</p> - -<p>“But they may have been Fattish ships! Have -you no regard for human life?”</p> - -<p>Said Ultimus:</p> - -<p>“There was no sign of anything human. They -looked like flies on the water. When I see three -scorpions attacking a smaller insect I always kill the -scorpions for their cowardice and the insect for having -called down their anger upon itself.”</p> - -<p>Rear-Admiral Bich drew himself up to his full -height and said:</p> - -<p>“As a Christian I protest. As an officer and a -gentleman I must ask you to put me ashore at the -first opportunity. They may be Fattish ships which -you have destroyed. My King and country need -me.”</p> - -<p>“Come, come,” interposed Siebenhaar, “your -King and country are probably doing very well without -you. They have an immense geographical advantage -which only the blind jealousy of the Fatters -makes it impossible for them to admit. You are already -a hero; poems have in all probability been<span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">[71]</span> -written to your memory. You had better stay with -us. It will be much more amusing to see what effect -Ultimus has on civilisation than to plunge back -into the fever which has seized it.”</p> - -<p>The Rear-Admiral looked scornful and very proud -and said:</p> - -<p>“Herr Siebenhaar, on our previous acquaintance -only the protection of the late heroic Mr. Samways -prevented me from denouncing you as a Fatter spy. -I have not forgotten.”</p> - -<p>“What,” asked Ultimus, “is a spy?”</p> - -<p>“Spies,” replied Siebenhaar, “are corrupt and -useless people who are sent out to frighten a hostile -nation by making them think that the enemy knows -more about them than they do themselves. They -are only used when the desire for war is very strong. -They exercise a paralysing effect upon the civil population -and deliver them up to the guidance of their -own military authorities. They are like microbes -which carry the war fever from one country to another. -I regret that Sir Charles should have so -small an opinion of my intelligence as to think that -my country would make so trivial a use of me.”</p> - -<p>“I can’t stand all this talk,” muttered the Rear-Admiral, -and he went away and all night long paced -up and down the sands on the other side of the island, -imagining that he was once more serving his -King and country on his own quarter-deck.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_72">[72]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VII: PLANS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">In</span> secret the indomitable servant of his country -made himself a boat, a coracle of palm branches and -mud, and when, a week later, they came in sight of -land and Ultimus put in close to have a good look at -it and the little white city built by the mouth of a -river, he put off in it without so much as saying good-bye -or thank you for the hospitality he had received.</p> - -<p>“He will come back,” said Siebenhaar; “he will -come and try to annex the island. No Fattish officer -can resist an island and the Fattish have been known -to waste thousands of lives in order to add a bare -rock or a pestilential swamp to their Empire. It is -an amiable lunacy which my unhappy race, who cannot -appreciate their geographical disadvantage, are -trying to emulate. What is the news of the war -to-day?”</p> - -<p>“The official reports all agree in saying that there -is no further development. Every capable man in -every country is now bearing arms. All other activity -is at a standstill. Stern measures have had to be -taken by the various governments to stop the emigration -of pregnant women to the peaceful countries -on the other side of the world.”</p> - -<p>“Ah!” said Siebenhaar, “I thought that would -happen, I thought the women would revolt as soon<span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">[73]</span> -as war ceased to be an excitement and became a -trade.”</p> - -<p>“Some of the Governments,” added Ultimus, -“are paying women over forty-five years of age -to go.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar chuckled.</p> - -<p>“It is time we interfered, Ultimus. When they -lose their sense of humour so far as that, it is time -for action. We will go to Fatland. Where are -we now?”</p> - -<p>“Off the coast of Africa.”</p> - -<p>“We will lie out to sea until we have prepared the -island against all dangers. First of all we will blow -up the harbour. Then we will mine the shores all -round. We will prepare the rocks on the tops of the -mountains for missiles and we will lay in a great -stock of your new transmissible explosive. We will -then block the mouth of the great Fattish river, and -we shall see what we shall see. An intelligent use of -explosives should be able to counteract and if necessary -to crush the fatuous use of them that is now -being made. We will try persuasion, threats, and -violence in that order to stop the war, and if then we -cannot succeed we will abandon the human race altogether -and return to our own Southern Seas.”</p> - -<p>“You forget,” expostulated Ultimus, “that I was -drawn here out of curiosity as to something else besides -the war, and that is, woman.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_74">[74]</span>“A man,” said Siebenhaar, “bears a grudge -against woman for his birth; he is a fool to burden -himself with others against her.”</p> - -<p>“As I imagine them,” replied the young man wistfully, -“they are beautiful.”</p> - -<p>“Lord, Lord,” cried Siebenhaar, “if only a young -man would be content with his imaginings.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VIII: IN FATTISH WATERS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> island moved proudly up the Fattish channel, -until they came within sight of the land on either side -of it. Here was drawn up a great array of ships -like those which had been destroyed in the Southern -Seas. On the foremost of the ships were hoisted a -number of little flags which Siebenhaar interpreted -as saying:</p> - -<p>“Good morning. Welcome home.”</p> - -<p>Now, the fragmentary message recorded by the -wireless gave the clue to the purport of this signal. -There had been a great rally of the Fattish Empire, -one colony had sent sacks of flour, another black currants, -another black men, another brown sugar; all -came to the aid of the motherland in her need, all -forgot their grievances and vowed that they never -would be slaves. In the face of such a demonstration -no doubt as to whether the Fattish empire really<span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">[75]</span> -existed could survive. Men who would not admit -black, brown, or yellow men to their clubs welcomed -them to their trenches. Such unity, such loyalty, -such brotherhood, must lead to victory. But victory -was slow in coming and it was becoming difficult to -maintain interest in the war, when, suddenly, there -burst upon the Fattish public the news that the lost -island was responding to the call and even now coming -to place its unique powers of motion at the service -of the Emperor-King. The miraculous had happened. -Once more it was obvious that the right was -on the Fattish side. Once more the streets of Bondon -were thronged as on the eve of the declaration -of war. The map of the world with the red blot -made by George Samways was taken down and -copies of it were sold for the Imperial relief fund. -It was supposed that George Samways, the only hero -of the last war, was on the island and had induced it -to return to the fold. His downfall was forgotten, -his heroism remembered.</p> - -<p>Ultimus stopped the island and entered into communication -by wireless with the Fattish fleet.</p> - -<p>“Is that Samways Island?”</p> - -<p>“Yes.”</p> - -<p>“Is George Samways aboard?”</p> - -<p>“No. His son and his friend, Siebenhaar.”</p> - -<p>“What nationality is Siebenhaar?”</p> - -<p>“Fatter.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_76">[76]</span>“He must be taken prisoner.”</p> - -<p>“Nonsense. He is an ex-engineer, now a philosopher.”</p> - -<p>“Fatter philosophers are writing the most scurrilous -abuse of the Fattish.”</p> - -<p>“Siebenhaar has been for the last twenty years on -the island.”</p> - -<p>“Tell him to change his name before landing, or -he will have to register.”</p> - -<p>“We have no intention of landing.”</p> - -<p>“We did not get your last message correctly.”</p> - -<p>“We have no intention of landing.”</p> - -<p>“Don’t understand. May we send a deputation?”</p> - -<p>Ultimus replied:</p> - -<p>“I will receive one Cabinet Minister and the -most beautiful woman in Fatland. I shall be in the -mouth of the river by two o’clock. You had better -move your ships and be very careful of the backwash. -I understand that the shores of the channel are -strewn with wrecks.”</p> - -<p>Frantic messages then passed between the ships -and the Admiralty in Bondon. It would be extremely -awkward to have the island in the river, -blocking the channels to the port, but the public were -thinking of nothing but the island, and, in default of -George Samways, were quite prepared to take his -son to be their darling. There must not be a hint<span class="pagenum" id="Page_77">[77]</span> -anywhere of the possibility of the island’s being, -after all, disloyal. The Fattish had been very reticent -about their relations with God, whereas the Fatters -had claimed him as their ally. The Fattish had -been favored with miracles, even as the Children of -Israel. It was decided to retain the miracle in the -face of all risks and Mr. Samways was promised that -a Cabinet Minister accompanied by the most beautiful -woman in Fatland should call at four o’clock on -the following day.</p> - -<p>The fleet turned and steamed away out of sight.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IX: AN AFTERNOON CALL</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> acknowledged most beautiful woman in Fatland -was none other than Arabella’s sister. She was -fifty-three, but had managed to preserve her reputation -by the discreet publication of her connection with -illustrious men. She had one rival for the honour of -the visit to the island, a lovely creature, a brilliant -singer of popular ballads, who, during the crisis, had -carried all before her and swept hundreds of young -men into the army with her famous ditty: “Won’t -I kiss you when you come back home?” However, -her claims were disposed of by Arabella’s sister -astutely pointing out that she was the aunt of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_78">[78]</span> -young man on the island, and therefore, if necessary, -could be alone with him in perfect propriety.</p> - -<p>In a motor launch she came out with the Lord -High Chief of the Admiralty in full-dress uniform.</p> - -<p>No sooner did she set eyes on Ultimus than she -burst into tears and cried that he was the living image -of Arabella. She kissed him and he drew back -outraged and cried:</p> - -<p>“Don’t do that again.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar explained:</p> - -<p>“Your nephew, madam, has never seen a woman -before and is naturally alarmed. Your voice must -sound strangely to his ears and your costume, if you -will forgive me, leaves room for considerable doubt -as to the normality of your anatomy. I think it -would be as well if you made no attempt to reassure -him, but allowed him to look at you and to grow accustomed -to you while I engage your companion in -conversation.”</p> - -<p>With that he turned to the Lord High Chief and -said:</p> - -<p>“You can imagine that I am astounded to return -after a long absence to find civilisation plunged once -more in the barbarism of war. Surely no single one -of the combatants has anything to gain by it.”</p> - -<p>“The war, sir, was not of our seeking.”</p> - -<p>“But you were prepared for it?”</p> - -<p>“By God we were. I had seen to that.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_79">[79]</span>“Then you were prepared to join issue in any -quarrel that might be sought?”</p> - -<p>“We pledged our word to the Grossians and the -Bilgians. Besides, sir, apart from all that, the Fatters -are jealous of our Empire, and they have deliberately -plotted for years to oust us commercially and -politically. They want us wiped off the map. But -when it comes to wiping——”</p> - -<p>“Does it ever come to that?” asked Siebenhaar. -“Is Athens dead while Plato lives? Is Rome forgotten -while Virgil and Lucretius live in the minds of -men? Was there ever more in Spain than lives in -Cervantes?”</p> - -<p>“I don’t know about that,” said the Lord High -Chief; “but the Fatters want to dominate the -world.”</p> - -<p>“So did Alexander: so did Napoleon: but they -wrought their own ruin.”</p> - -<p>“This is too deep for me,” replied the politician. -“I want something that the newspapers can get hold -of. I want to know what you are up to, how you -found the island, how it came to move again, and, if -it isn’t a miracle of loyalty, what is it? Also I want -to know what your intentions are, because if you are -not here to support us we shall have to place you -both under arrest,—er—that is, after you have -moved the island out of harm’s way.”</p> - -<p>Ultimus took Siebenhaar aside and said: “I want<span class="pagenum" id="Page_80">[80]</span> -to go away. I have been looking at the woman, and -I think she is horrible.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">X: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Lord High Chief towards the end of the interview -adopted a peremptory tone and ordered the -island to be taken through the enemy’s minefield and -then to blockade the enemy’s fleet. The island was -to be called H.M.S. Samways, to be manned with the -crew of a first-class battleship and commanded by a -senior admiral. Ultimus refused point-blank. He -owed nothing to Fatland, and was not going to have -his island or his inventions used in a cause which he -as yet did not understand. The Lord High Chief -stormed and blustered until Siebenhaar told him the -truth about Bich’s battle and the nature of the invention -of which Ultimus had spoken. The Lord -High Chief went pale and muttered that he should -have thought his country’s cause good enough for any -man. However, since they were so obstinate, he invited -the islanders ashore and undertook to satisfy -their curiosity with regard to the war, or the events -which immediately preceded it. Arabella’s sister -proposed that they should stay in her house, but her -invitation was refused.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_81">[81]</span>No sooner had the visitors put off in the launch -than Ultimus moved the island further up the river -until all channels were blocked and no ship could get -either in or out.</p> - -<p>“Now,” said Ultimus, “they will treat me with -respect, and will not rest content until they have -satisfied me and persuaded me to move the island -once more.”</p> - -<p>The effect he desired was produced. They were -taken up to Bondon in one of the Royal motor-cars, -and a whole floor in one of the most expensive hotels -was placed at their disposal. For the first time in -his life Ultimus slept in a bed and was so hot that he -could not bear it. He rang the bell in the middle of -the night and a little chambermaid appeared.</p> - -<p>“Take that thing away,” said Ultimus.</p> - -<p>The little chambermaid stared at him.</p> - -<p>“I don’t want it. I don’t like it,” he said, glowering -at the girl’s face. It was like a flower, like a -star; it was beautiful. Ultimus could not take his -eyes off it. Her eyes smiled back at his amazed -curiosity. He stood and reeled and said:</p> - -<p>“I love you.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, sir,” replied the little chambermaid.</p> - -<p>“My father said the Fattish were false. I asked -them to send me the most beautiful woman in the -land and they sent me a hideous old creature.”</p> - -<p>“Yes, sir.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_82">[82]</span>“Ah! Why did they not send you? We could -have gone away at once, away, away, where there -are no old women, no battleships, no beds.”</p> - -<p>The little chambermaid by this time was fascinated, -and she stayed with Ultimus all night, while -he talked and told her how he had desired to see a -woman and was now satisfied and never wished to -see another, and how when he had seen the war he -and she would retire to the island.</p> - -<p>“Oh, sir,” said the little chambermaid. “And -shall I be a Queen? And won’t the Fatters ever -be able to get near the island? They all say the -Fatters do awful things to women.”</p> - -<p>Ultimus took her to his breast and they were -joined in the mystical union of a kiss; and for many -hours no word passed between them.</p> - -<p>In the morning they were disturbed by Siebenhaar, -who came in unsuspectingly, saw what had happened -and withdrew discreetly, gave orders to the -management that Mr. Samways was not to be disturbed, -and went out to see Bondon in war-time.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XI: HIGH POLITICS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> streets were full of young men in uniform. In -the parks were young men without uniform being -drilled. Except for policemen, hall-porters, street-scavengers,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_83">[83]</span> -the town was empty, and when Siebenhaar -asked a policeman why it was so, he was informed -that everybody had gone to look at the island.</p> - -<p>Said the constable: “There was nothing like it -since I was a boy, when the war began.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar was taken aback.</p> - -<p>“How long?” he said.</p> - -<p>“Well! It’ll be a matter of fifteen years now, -though it’s difficult to remember. It goes on. -Things get quiet in the winter. Then it begins again -with the fine weather, with a new list of Fatter atrocities. -Then there’s a new promise from the Emperor -of Grossia; then we have another rally of the -Empire and things become livelier.”</p> - -<p>“I am astonished,” said Siebenhaar, “that a great -free nation like the Fattish should tolerate such a -state of affairs.”</p> - -<p>“Bless you,” said the policeman, “I’ve forgotten -what peace was like. There’s a few old gentlemen -hold meetings to talk about it, but we’re used to it -by now. I remember there used to be scares about -our being invaded, but they soon came to an end. -We all take our spell at the fighting, and, if we come -home, settle down to work of one sort or another. -There’s no doubt about it, the Fatters would make -a nasty mess of things if we didn’t keep them bottled -up.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_84">[84]</span>Siebenhaar protested: “Surely you yourselves -are making a nasty mess of things?”</p> - -<p>“Oh!” replied the policeman. “That’s over -the water. You soon forget about it when you get -back home. It would be funny, sir, if that there -island were to put a stop to the war. We’d hardly -know what to do with our young men.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar’s blood boiled. A great nation, with -a tradition of freedom, could acquiesce in such arrest -of its life, such wanton sacrifice of its youth!</p> - -<p>He visited the Lord High Chief and found him -just out of his bed in a suit of blue silk pajamas. -Breakfast was laid before him and he offered Siebenhaar -coffee. It was refused.</p> - -<p>“I am come, sir, to tell you that the island will -not be used to assist you. It will be used to stop the -war.”</p> - -<p>“Stop the——?”</p> - -<p>“As I say.”</p> - -<p>“Come, come, sir. The war cannot be stopped -until all parties to it agree to our terms of settlement. -It is a matter of high politics, which it takes -an expert to understand. We have the matter well -in hand. The country was told at the beginning that -it was to be a long war. It will be finished when our -terms are agreed upon and not before.”</p> - -<p>“And those terms are——?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_85">[85]</span>“They are known to my colleagues and myself. -When the settlement is concluded they will be laid -before the country.”</p> - -<p>“And have you, sir, during the last fifteen years -ever risked your life on land or sea? Have you suffered -in pocket or in health? Have you been deprived -of even a luxury?”</p> - -<p>“For fifteen years I have been the hardest worked -man in the country. I have practically lived in this -office. When things were going badly with us I -made speeches up and down the country.”</p> - -<p>“Asking young men to give their lives and thank -God for the privilege of dying before they had tasted -the full sweetness of life.”</p> - -<p>“It is their country’s life against theirs.”</p> - -<p>“You say so.”</p> - -<p>“The Fatters will make an end of us if they -don’t.”</p> - -<p>“Have you made an end of the Fatters?”</p> - -<p>“No. But we will before we have done.”</p> - -<p>“Are the Fatter women all stricken with barrenness?”</p> - -<p>“Not that I know of.”</p> - -<p>“Then you cannot make an end of the race.”</p> - -<p>“We can smash their Empire.”</p> - -<p>“A word. Can you smash a word? You seem -to me, sir, to talk and act as though a nation were an<span class="pagenum" id="Page_86">[86]</span> -abstraction instead of a collection of human beings, -bound together by language, manners, and religion.”</p> - -<p>“It is a matter of high politics.”</p> - -<p>“It seems to me, sir, that war is the logical outcome -of your view of national life, and that a nation -without a war is not a nation. I should imagine that a -war greatly facilitates the task of government. The -rich can always be trusted to look after themselves, -but the poor are rendered impotent. I cannot raise -a hand to support either such a view or such a condition. -You have attained the ideal of high politics, -the sacrifice of domestic affairs to international relations. -I congratulate you. I decline all further -hospitality at your hands. My young friend has already -realized one of his ambitions. I shall request -the Emperor of Fatterland to satisfy the other. -We shall go to Fatterland to-morrow and see the -war which you have been able to confine to other -countries.”</p> - -<p>“Herr Siebenhaar,” shouted the Lord High -Chief, “you shall do no such thing. The public has -taken the island to its heart. You will consider -yourself under arrest.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar smiled sweetly:</p> - -<p>“I have seen the Fattish public take Mr. George -Samways to its heart and I have seen it reject him. -I do not think you will arrest me, for, before leaving -the island we arranged an explosion to take place<span class="pagenum" id="Page_87">[87]</span> -two days from now in case of our non-return. Such -an explosion would project thousands of tons of rock -over your city.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XII: THE PUBLIC</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Ultimus</span> refused to be separated from the lady -of his choice, and when Siebenhaar said he must return -to the island the little chambermaid declared -her willingness to go if she could be married first.</p> - -<p>“You need not worry about that,” grumbled Siebenhaar. -“There will be no other women on the -island, no one to care whether you are married or no, -no one to bully you if you have dispensed with the -ceremony, and Ultimus has no relations except his -aunt, who will never forgive him for his frankness. -I warn you that on our island you will find none of -the excitements of the great hotel, neither the advantages -of society nor its disadvantages.”</p> - -<p>“I will come,” said the little chambermaid, “if -you will let me tell my mother that I am married. -It would kill her if she thought I was not.”</p> - -<p>“A lie more or less in a community is no great -matter, since its existence depends upon lies,” said -Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>So the chambermaid wrote to her mother, packed -her belongings in her tin box, and with Siebenhaar<span class="pagenum" id="Page_88">[88]</span> -and Ultimus was driven in the royal motor-car to the -docks. The last few miles they drove through -enormous cheering crowds, men, women, and children, -singing as they went.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="first">“Won’t I kiss you when you come back home,</div> -<div class="indent3">My soldier boy!</div> -<div class="verse">For my heart is with you as you cross the foam,</div> -<div class="indent3">My soldier boy!</div> -<div class="indent">You are big and you are brave,</div> -<div class="indent">From the Huns our homes to save,</div> -<div class="indent">Or to find a hero’s grave.</div> -<div class="verse">Won’t I kiss you when you come back home!”</div> -</div></div> - -<p>A motor launch took them swiftly out to the island -and there Ultimus was proud to show the little -house he had built and the gardens he had made.</p> - -<p>In the afternoon they went up to the top of the -mountain, where an amazing sight met their eyes. -Through the smoke loomed the towers and domes -and chimneys of the great city, and on the banks of -the river for miles stretched the crowds of people, -and others came along the roads, pouring in on foot, -in carts, and wagons. Ultimus was seized with nausea, -which soon gave place to rage and he stamped -his foot on the ground and cried:</p> - -<p>“There are too many of them. Let me destroy -them.”</p> - -<p>But Siebenhaar wept and said:</p> - -<p>“Rather destroy those heartless men who herd<span class="pagenum" id="Page_89">[89]</span> -them like cattle and rob them of the fruits of their -labour and bid them believe in a God whom they -deny, a national idea which they can maintain only -by the destruction of life and the ruin of the nation. -Destroy those who sacrifice beauty to their pleasures, -and love to their obstinate pride. See, the city must -be empty now, destroy it.”</p> - -<p>Ultimus moved his hand and in one moment the -domes, towers and chimneys of the city disappeared. -The island moved and the crowd, seeing that which -they had come to see, clapped their hands and -shouted until the island disappeared.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIII: THE EMPEROR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">In</span> a few hours they were off the coast of Fatterland, -and had blocked up the harbour where the Fatter -fleet lay in hiding from the overwhelming superiority -of the Fattish. The Emperor himself, who had already -heard of the destruction of Bondon, came out -to greet them. He had information as to Siebenhaar’s -previous career and he decorated him at sight -with a Silver Eagle. To Ultimus he handed an -Iron Cross.</p> - -<p>The Emperor was dressed in a large brass helmet, -a white suit with a steel cuirass, and enormous shining -boots. He was a little man and very pompous.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_90">[90]</span>“God,” he said, “has blessed you.”</p> - -<p>“How do you know?” asked Siebenhaar.</p> - -<p>“God,” said the Emperor, “has preserved the -Fatterland, through me.”</p> - -<p>“On this island,” retorted Siebenhaar, “we are -accustomed to talk sense. There would have been -no need for God or anybody else to defend Fatterland -if you had not so wantonly destroyed peaceful -relations with other countries.”</p> - -<p>The Emperor removed his helmet.</p> - -<p>“What a relief!” he said. “No one has ever -talked sensibly to me before. You don’t know how -sick I am of being an Emperor with everybody assuming -that I don’t wish to think of anything but my -own dignity. I am not allowed to think or talk of -anything else.”</p> - -<p>“Has it ever occurred to you,” asked Siebenhaar, -“that a dignity which requires over a million soldiers -to maintain it is hardly worth it? Have you ever -thought that the million soldiers are maintained not -for your dignity, but because their housing, their -feeding, their equipment are all exceedingly profitable -to a few men?”</p> - -<p>“I have often thought that,” replied the Emperor, -“but I have never found a soul willing to discuss it -with me. When I meet other Emperors the same -dreadful thought haunts all of us, but none of us -dare speak of it, for we are watched night and day,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_91">[91]</span> -and what we are to say to each other is written by -young men in the Government Offices.”</p> - -<p>The Emperor began to cry.</p> - -<p>“Four million men have been killed since the war -began, and everybody says it is my fault. I didn’t -make the war, I didn’t, indeed I didn’t. It was not -in my power to make war, any more than it is in my -power to stop it. Horrible things have been done -by the soldiers.”</p> - -<p>“Poor wretches!” said Siebenhaar. “How can -they be anything but bestial, deprived as they are of -all that makes life sweet?”</p> - -<p>“How, indeed?” asked the Emperor. “Thousands -have died of dysentery, or cholera, and enteric -and typhoid. Hundreds of thousands more of -starvation and exposure. It is impossible, I tell you, -impossible to prevent organisation breaking down. -Contractors!” He shook his fists. “Ah! There -is nothing contractors will not do, from sending bad -food to insisting on being paid for food they have -never sent. Ah! the villains! the villains! And -to think that my name is being execrated throughout -the world.”</p> - -<p>The Emperor looked about him uneasily.</p> - -<p>“And now, Herr Siebenhaar, what am I to tell -them on my return? That your marvellous island is -the gift of God to the Fatter people?”</p> - -<p>“Say nothing,” replied Siebenhaar, “except that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_92">[92]</span> -Mr. Ultimus Samways wishes to see the war. We -are neutral territory. If we have damaged Bondon -we have in coming here cleared your minefields and -we propose to keep your fleet bottled up and shall -destroy it unless Mr. Samways returns in safety -within a week.”</p> - -<p>“We have had a delightful talk and it has been -refreshing to me to discover a philosopher who is -greater than an Emperor.”</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar laughed and said he looked forward to -the day when capitalists and contractors discovered -that the world contained a power greater than their -own.</p> - -<p>“I also,” said the Emperor, “possess an island. -I shall be happy when the war is over and I can retire -to it and live in peace and devote myself to the -delightful and harmless pursuit of painting bad pictures.”</p> - -<p>He promised that an airship should be sent for -Ultimus, and said good-bye cordially and regretfully. -As he put his helmet on he said:</p> - -<p>“I have to wear this infernal thing, though it always -gives me a headache.”</p> - -<p>“Now,” said Siebenhaar to Ultimus, “you have -seen the unhappy individual who is called the man-eater -of Europe.”</p> - -<p>“Was that the Emperor?” asked the chambermaid. -“Why, they told me he had a tail and always<span class="pagenum" id="Page_93">[93]</span> -walked about with bleeding baby’s legs in his -hands!”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIV: WAR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> airship was a great delight to the inventive -genius of Ultimus. He had it brought to earth on -the shore and examined the engines and propellers, -and its ingenious steering apparatus. The officer in -charge of it was discreet and silent, a stiff martial -gentleman whose intelligence and humanity were -completely hidden by his uniform. He had brought -a declaration to be signed by Ultimus, saying that he -was a non-belligerent and did not represent any -newspaper. For Siebenhaar he had brought a -bundle of newspapers of every country so that he -might read what the nations were saying of each -other.</p> - -<p>At last Ultimus’ curiosity was satisfied, and he -stepped into the observation car, the engines started -purring and the great fish-shaped balloon rose into -the air.</p> - -<p>Ultimus was surprised to see how little his island -was and when they passed over into Fatterland he -cried:</p> - -<p>“Why, there is room for everybody! How<span class="pagenum" id="Page_94">[94]</span> -wrong I was to hate the Fattish for being so many! -Why do not some of them come and live here if there -is no room for them on their island?”</p> - -<p>“They’d have a warm time of it if they did,” said -the officer.</p> - -<p>“Why? Don’t you like the Fattish?”</p> - -<p>“They are pirates and thieves. They are jealous -of our honest commercial success. They and they -only are responsible for this war. They have set -half the nations of Europe to attack us, but they attack -in vain. We are glorious warriors, but they -are only commercial travellers.”</p> - -<p>“In Fatland,” replied Ultimus, “they say that -they are glorious warriors, but you are only machines. -And they say that you are jealous of their -Empire, and for years have been planning to destroy -their fleet.”</p> - -<p>“What nonsense!” said the officer.</p> - -<p>They had been thousands of feet in the air, often -above the clouds.</p> - -<p>“We are approaching the western frontier.”</p> - -<p>They descended. A booming and roaring came -up and a queer crackling sound. There were flashes -of light and puffs of smoke, but nowhere were there -signs of any men save far, far away on the roads behind -the lines of smoke and flashes of light.</p> - -<p>“That,” said the officer, “is the war.”</p> - -<p>“But where are the men who are doing it?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_95">[95]</span>The officer pointed to black zigzag parallel lines -in the ground.</p> - -<p>“They are there. Those are trenches. They -are impregnable. Years ago, at the beginning of -the war there was some barbarous fighting with bayonets, -but since we took up those positions there is -nothing but what you see. Each year makes -those positions stronger, nothing can move the -armies from them. While the war lasts, they will -be held. Is it not splendid? It is just the same on -the eastern frontier, though the line there is a hundred -miles longer. Ah! It is the greatest war the -world has ever seen.”</p> - -<p>They came lower until they could see into the -trenches. There were men playing cards, others -sleeping; another was vomiting. Another was buttoning -up his trousers when his head was blown off. -His body stood for a moment with his hand fumbling -at his buttons. Then it collapsed ridiculously. -One of the men who was playing wiped a card on -his breeches and then played it. Another man went -mad, climbed out of the trenches and rushed screeching -in the direction whence the missile had come.</p> - -<p>“I have seen enough,” said Ultimus. “Why do -they go there?”</p> - -<p>“Because if they did not Fatterland would be -overrun with the savages hired by the Fattish.”</p> - -<p>“Would that be worse?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_96">[96]</span>“It would not last so long,” replied the officer, -“but we should have lost our honour as a nation.”</p> - -<p>“That,” said Ultimus, “is exactly how the most -beautiful woman in Fatland talks. What is this -honour?”</p> - -<p>“It is holy,” said the officer with so fatuously fervent -an expression that Ultimus laughed.</p> - -<p>“Does your Highness wish to see the eastern -frontier?”</p> - -<p>“No, thank you. That is enough.”</p> - -<p>The airship soared up. It was now night. The -stars came out and Ultimus mused:</p> - -<p>“Out of all the planets why should this be tortured -with the life of men? Is it their vast numbers -that drive them mad? Or are they so vile that war -is their normal condition and peace only a rest from -it?”</p> - -<p>For the first time Ultimus responded to the beauty -of the world. They flew low over mountains, and -great rivers and wide valleys. The variety of it all -entranced him, accustomed as he was to the monotony -of the sea and the narrow limitations of the island. -Apart from the horror of war it was amazing -to him that men should desert such loveliness to -spend their days in holes dug in the ground.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_97">[97]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XV: SIEBENHAAR ON SOCIETY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Meanwhile</span> on the island the philosopher and the -chambermaid lived through difficult hours. The -girl wept without ceasing and said if she had known -how dull it was going to be she never would have -come. Remembering Arabella’s dissatisfaction, -Siebenhaar said:</p> - -<p>“Women have no resources within themselves. -They take life too seriously. It is never amusing to -them. Society is organised for their protection and -amusement and they take no interest in it, and let -men, who are only worried or irritated by it, bring it -to ruin without a protest. Women are the criminals -who are responsible for everything, for they encourage -men in their vanity and weaken them in their -power. They desire safety, and detest originality, -intellect, imagination.”</p> - -<p>The chambermaid sobbed: “I thought it was -going to be fun to be a Queen, but there is no fun in -reigning over sticks and stones.”</p> - -<p>“Women,” said Siebenhaar, “want their lovers -and their babies and their fun. When they have to -choose between the three, they choose their fun. -No. They are not the criminals; it is men who are -that for letting them have their fun to keep them<span class="pagenum" id="Page_98">[98]</span> -quiet. Oh! Ultimus, that was a true instinct of -yours to destroy them in their thousands!”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVI: PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Ultimus</span> was gone exactly a week, during which -time he saw all the preparations for the war, the -countless widows and orphans created by it, the stoppage -of other business, the immense activity at arsenals, -boot factories, and cloth mills, and chemical -laboratories, the soup kitchens for the starving, -among whom he was horrified to see thousands of -men who had returned maimed from the trenches. -What perhaps appalled him most was the gaiety -of the children.</p> - -<p>He mentioned this to Siebenhaar on his return. -The philosopher said:</p> - -<p>“They have been born since the war began and -do not conceive of life being otherwise.”</p> - -<p>“It must end,” said Ultimus, and he sank into a -deep reverie. The strangest result of his experience -was that the sight of the little chambermaid filled -him with disgust. When he thought of the peaceful -and profoundly stirring existence out of which he and -Siebenhaar had come he could not but contrast it -with the obscene excitement in which he had found<span class="pagenum" id="Page_99">[99]</span> -her. That she could accept and welcome his embraces -when she knew, as he did not, the bestiality -towards maintaining which the energies of Europe -were devoted, filled him with so bitter an anguish -that he could hardly endure the sight of her. When -he thought that he and she might be bringing another -life into a world made so unworthy of human -life, then he thought that he could never forgive her. -His impulse was to escape, to leave the benighted -nations to their fate, but, when he thought of the suffering -he had seen, he found that he was bound to -them by more than curiosity. He had seen war and -could not rest until he had done his utmost to expunge -it from the minds of men. He had lived in a -pure happiness familiar with all the intellectual discoveries -of the human mind; now he had gained the -love of beauty and a more passionate incentive to -live. What room was there now among all those -millions of men for intellect and beauty?</p> - -<p>Siebenhaar had made good use of the newspapers.</p> - -<p>“It is clear to me,” he said, “that this war happened -through stupidity and jealousy. They all invented -excuses for it after the outbreak of hostilities. -There is no reason why it should not end as suddenly -as it began. It is too much to expect men debauched -by fifteen years of war to see reason, but they will -understand force. We will use force.”</p> - -<p>Together they drew up the following manifesto:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_100">[100]</span></p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Samways Island,       <br /> -Off Europe.</span></p> - -<p>We, the undersigned, lately arrived in Europe, on -discovering its unanimous betrayal of civilisation, -hereby declare as follows:</p> - -<p>(1) We have destroyed Bondon.</p> - -<p>(2) The power which did that will be used -against any of the present belligerents not consenting -to lay down their arms.</p> - -<p>(3) Upon the declaration of peace the fleets of -the hostile nations are to be collected and sunk, the -guns and ammunition of the various disbanded -armies having first been laded in them. Neutral -nations will then be invited by us to destroy their -fleets and disband their armies.</p> - -<p>(4) Nations in future will have no high political -relations with each other except through a central -government.</p> - -<p>(5) Recognising the natural pugnacity of the -human race and its love of spectacular effect, we suggest -that in future nations which arrive at a complete -misunderstanding should, with the consent of -the central government, declare war on each other -for a period of not less than one week and not more -than one month, the nations to place in the firing line -only the incurably diseased, the incorrigibly criminal, -the lunatic and the imbecile, and all of those convicted -of exploitation and profit-sharing.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_101">[101]</span>(6) Not more than two thousand men are to be -employed on either side, and the sphere of operations -is to be narrowly limited. If desired, and to -encourage a knowledge of the horror of war, we suggest -that such wars be paid for by admitting spectators -at a price.</p> - -<p>(7) Wars are only to take place in August.</p> - -<p>(8) Naval war is to be prohibited altogether as -too barbarous. The central government will maintain -an armed fleet for the suppression of pirates.</p> - -<p>(9) Weapons and machines designed for the destruction -of human life are only to be manufactured -by the central government.</p> - -<p>(10) Acknowledging that follies do not die easily -and that nations at war will always desire territory -as a trophy, we are willing to place the island at the -service of the central government as the prize to be -fought for. It can always be found by wireless.</p> - -<p>(11) We submit that there shall be no discussion -of the terms of settlement until the central government -is set up and a proper tribunal is constituted to -deal with all claims. The first step in the interest of -parties is disarmament, and upon that we insist.</p> - -<p class="right">(Signed)       <span class="smcap">Ignatz Siebenhaar.</span><br /> -<span class="smcap">Ultimus Samways.</span></p> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_102">[102]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVII: PEACE</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">This</span> manifesto was transmitted by wireless to all -parts of the world. It was published in the newspapers -of America, and therefore could not be suppressed -by the various National Committees for -Keeping the Public in the Dark. Ultimus received -invitations to all the capitals of the belligerent nations. -He said that if they had anything to say they -could say it by wireless. Meanwhile if nothing was -said the Fatter fleet would be destroyed within a -week: the Fattish fleet immediately after it: and -the various ports and capitals would one by one meet -the fate of Bondon.</p> - -<p>A great deal was said. Almost every day mean -little men, who looked as though they had been fat -only a short time before and then scorched, arrived -to offer Ultimus his own price for his new explosive. -They all said the same thing: the enemy alone was -responsible for the war and it would never end until -the enemy was destroyed. Therefore, in the interests -of civilisation and universal peace, Mr. Samways -ought to sell, nay, give to humanity the secret -of his invention.</p> - -<p>“I am using it in the interests of civilisation,” said -he, “and, as you see, I am resisting all temptation to -make money out of it. The proper use of an explosive<span class="pagenum" id="Page_103">[103]</span> -is that for which I made mine, namely, to destroy -every ugly and useless thing I had made.”</p> - -<p>And the mean little men went away. Two of -them committed suicide on their way back to shore, -so troubled were they at being deprived of the monopoly -which had enabled them to drive millions of -men to the slaughter that the rest might be miserable -slaves in their hands.</p> - -<p>As a matter of fact, these two had been ruined by -the destruction of Bondon, upon which they had been -dependent for the world-wide circulation of their -credit.</p> - -<p>Day after day brought the news of the suicide of -one great financier after another, and the army contractors, -realising that they might not be paid for -their efforts, abandoned them. No food or supplies -reached the armies, which came home in search of -food. The Emperors of Fatterland and Grossia -fled to their country estates. The Emperor of -Waltzia had been dead for ten years, though his -death had been concealed.</p> - -<p>Before long a number of intelligent men from -every country had met in Scandinavia and a central -government was proclaimed. The Fattish, Fatter, -Grossian, Waltzian, and Coqdorian fleets were collected -in the North Sea, and Ultimus had the great -satisfaction of driving the island through them.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_104">[104]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVIII: THE RETURN OF THE ISLAND</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">And</span> now Ultimus could breathe again. Came the -news every day of tremendous rejoicings in all the -countries, and in all the name of Ultimus Samways -was blessed. He was asked by every one of them -to anchor his island off their shores, but he replied:</p> - -<p>“Not until the lunatic that is in every European -is dead, can I dwell among you. It is easy for you, -whose lives are shallow to forget. But I have seen -and suffered and I cannot forget. When you have -discovered the depths in your own lives and each -man recognises the profound wonder of every other, -then will the thought of the philosopher Siebenhaar -be as fertile seed among you and you will reap the -harvest of brotherhood.”</p> - -<p>When he had sent this message to the United -States of Europe he sought out the little chambermaid -and said to her:</p> - -<p>“I beg your forgiveness. I have let the horror -of war break in upon my devotion to you. We are -making for the Southern Seas. If you prefer it you -can retire to Bondon, though I must warn you that -your luxurious hotel is now a hospital for the cure of -astute business men.”</p> - -<p>The little chambermaid replied:</p> - -<p>“I did want to go to see the fun when peace was<span class="pagenum" id="Page_105">[105]</span> -declared, having seen the fun in the streets when -they declared war. But it’s come over me now that -I love you and only you, and I want to be by your -side to give you all the happiness you have brought -into my heart.”</p> - -<p>And Siebenhaar said:</p> - -<p>“This is a mystery past the understanding of -men, but the understanding is its servant.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_106">[106]</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_107">[107]</span> -<h2 class="nobreak">Gynecologia</h2> -</div> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_108">[108]</span> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_109">[109]</span> - -<h3 class="nobreak">I: HISTORY</h3> - -<p>I, <span class="smcap">Conrad P. Lewis</span>, of Crown Imperial, Pa., -U.S.A., do hereby declare that the following narrative -of my adventures is a plain truthful tale with -nothing added or taken away. At the end of a long -life I am able to remember unmoved things that for -many years I could not call to mind without horror -and disgust. Even now I cannot see the charming -person of my daughter without some faint discomfort, -to be rid of which (for I would die in peace) I -have determined to write my story.</p> - -<p>The whole civilised world will remember how, -during the years when Europe was sunk under the -vileness of a scientific barbarism, there was suddenly -an end of news from Fatland. Our ships that sailed -for her ports did not return. Her flag had disappeared -from the high seas. Her trade had entirely -ceased. She exported neither coal nor those manufactured -goods which had carried her language, customs, -and religion to the ends of the earth. Her -colonies (we learned) had received only a message -to say that they must in future look after themselves, -as, indeed, they were as capable of doing as any -other collection of people. In one night Fatland -ceased to be.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_110">[110]</span>It was at first assumed that her enemies the Fatters -had invaded and captured her, but, clearly, they -would not destroy her commerce. Moreover, the -Fatters were at that time and for many years afterwards -living in a state of siege, keeping nine hostile -nations at bay upon their frontiers. This was the -last of the great wars, leading, as we now know, to -the abolition of the idea of nationality, which endowed -a nation with the attributes of a vain and insolent -human being, so that its actions were childish -and could only be made effective by force. When -that idea died in the apathy and suffering and bitterness -of the years following the great wars then the -glorious civilisation which we now enjoy became possible.</p> - -<p>The disappearance of Fatland took place shortly -after the outbreak of hostilities, which, from the -practice which the Europeans had in those days, was -always accomplished with great expedition. Every -four years or so, when the exhausted nations once -more had enough young men over eighteen, there -would be some little quarrel, or an arranged assassination, -or an ambassador would be indiscreet. One -war, I remember, broke out over a scuffle between -two bakers in the streets of Bondon: they were a Fattishman -and a Fatter, and they had been arguing -over the merits of the Fattish loaf and the continental -bâton. The Press of both countries took it up:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_111">[111]</span> -their governments had a good class of troops that -year and they did not hesitate to use them. We, in -the Western world, were accustomed to it by then -and knew how to keep our trade alive through neutral -countries. Also, I regret to say, we had engaged -upon the dreadful traffic in war material. In -those days we were still bounded by the primitive -civilisation of Europe. We had not been wakened -to manhood and the way of life and eternity, we had -not been taught to be elemental in our own elemental -continent by the sublime masterpiece of Junius F. -Hohlenheim.</p> - -<p>When it became clear that Fatland could not be -in the hands of the Fatters: when, moreover, we -were told that she was taking no part in the last and -bloodiest of the wars, and when, after many months, -there came no news of any kind, then our merchant-monarchs -(now happily extinct) fitted out an expedition, -with credentials to the Fattish Government, if -any. Wild rumors had spread that the Gulf Stream -was diverted, making the Skitish islands uninhabitable, -but I had just then returned from a voyage to -Norroway and knew that it was not so. I had gazed -at the coasts of the mysterious islands with pity, with -curiosity, with sad and, I must own it, sentimental -longing. Were they not our home? We were still -colonists in those days, always looking to other lands -than that in which we lived. “O Fatland,” I cried.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_112">[112]</span> -“O mother inviolate!” But we had the captain’s -wife on board and she laughed and said that was not -the adjective to apply to a mother.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">II: CASTAWAY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">On</span> my return I married and put my savings into my -father-in-law’s brush-making business, which was almost -at once ruined, and I had to go to sea again. -Government money had been got for the expedition -I told you of, and I knew that pay would be higher -on that account. I sent in an application, and, having -an uncle well placed, was taken on as third officer. -A dirty little gunboat had been put in commission, -and directly I set eyes on her I knew the -voyage would be unlucky. We were but three days -out when we had trouble with the propeller shaft -and were carried far north among the ugliest ice I -ever saw, and narrowly escaped being caught in a -floe. Fortunately we ran into a southward current -in the nick of time and, with a fresh wind -springing up, were quickly out of danger. However, -the years of war had added another peril -to those of nature. We fouled a mine among the -islands of Smugland and were blown to bits. At the -time I was standing near a number of petrol cans, -and when I came to the surface of the water I found<span class="pagenum" id="Page_113">[113]</span> -some of them floating near me. I tied six of them -together and they made a tidy little raft, though it -was very uncomfortable. On them I drifted for -four days until hunger and thirst were too much for -me and I swooned away. I was then past agony and -my swoon was more like passing into an enchantment -than a physical surrender.</p> - -<p>I was not at all astonished, therefore, when I came -to my senses to find myself in a bed with a man sitting -by my bedside. Very glad was I to see him, and -I cried out in a big voice:</p> - -<p>“Kerbosh! If I ain’t got into heaven by mistake.”</p> - -<p>The man shook his head sadly and said:</p> - -<p>“Heaven? No.”</p> - -<p>But I could not shake off the feeling that I was in -Heaven. The man had long hair and a beard, and -I could be pardoned for taking him for Peter. He -wore a rough shift, a long kilt below his knees, and -thick stockings, and by his elbow on a little table, -was another stocking which he had been knitting. -He gave me food and drink, and I at once felt -stronger, but somewhat squeamish, so that the sense -of hallucination clung about me. When I asked -where I was, the man tiptoed to the door, opened it -and listened, then returned to my bedside and said in -a whisper:</p> - -<p>“It is as much as my place is worth, but I would<span class="pagenum" id="Page_114">[114]</span> -warn you as man to man to make good your escape -while you may. As man to man, I say it, man to -man.”</p> - -<p>He was so terribly excited as he said this that I -decided in my own mind that he was a harmless lunatic, -one of the many whom the great wars had rendered -idiotic. To humour him I repeated:</p> - -<p>“As man to man.”</p> - -<p>And I put out my hand. He seized it and said in -a desperate voice:</p> - -<p>“I am old enough to be your fa——”</p> - -<p>Footsteps sounded on the stairs and in absolute -terror he stopped, took up his knitting and plied the -needles frantically.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">III: MY CAPTOR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> footsteps came up to the door of the room in -which I lay. The door opened to reveal a truly remarkable -figure; plump, short, with a tousled mop -of reddish-grey hair and a wide, pleasant, weather-beaten -face. This figure was clad in a loose blue -coat and Bulgarian trousers, very baggy about the -hips and tight about the calves; not at all an unbecoming -costume, though it both puzzled and pained -me. So much so that I pretended to be asleep, for I<span class="pagenum" id="Page_115">[115]</span> -was averse to being made to speak to this strange -object. A woman’s voice addressed the man with -the knitting and asked him how I was. He replied -that I had come to my senses and gone to sleep again. -As luck would have it, the food I had eaten so hastily -began just then to cause me acute discomfort, -and my body, escaping my control, relieved itself -after its fashion. Thereupon the woman, perceiving -that I was malingering, fell upon me and shook -me until my teeth rattled and delivered herself of an -oration upon the deceitfulness of man. I was still -suffering acutely and could offer no resistance, though -I cried out that I was an American citizen and neutral -and should have the matter brought to the ears -of my Government.</p> - -<p>“In this country,” said my assailant, “men are -men and are treated as such, and we do not recognize -the existence of any other country in the world. -You will get up now and place your superior strength -at the service of those who feed you and as far as -possible justify your existence.”</p> - -<p>The man with the knitting had crept from the -room. He returned with a shift, a kilt and stockings -like his own. I was made to put these on, the -woman, in defiance of all decency, watching me and -talking shrilly all the time. Then she drove the -man and myself out of doors and set us to work at -hoeing in a field of turnips, while she whistled to a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_116">[116]</span> -dog that came bounding over a hedge, and trudged -off in the direction of a wood.</p> - -<p>“Who is she?” said I. “Is she your wife?”</p> - -<p>“Wife?” answered he. “Wife! There is -neither marriage nor giving in marriage. She is a -farmer, and I, who was once a Professor of Economics, -am her labourer. Intellectually I am in despair, -but physically I am in such rude health that I -cannot entertain the thought of self-destruction long -enough to commit the act. She is my niece, and -when the change came she undertook, as all women -did, to provide work for her male relatives above a -certain age.”</p> - -<p>“Change?” I whispered. “What change?”</p> - -<p>“Have you not heard?” he said. “Is the country -severed from the civilised world?”</p> - -<p>I informed him of the expedition which I had -joined. He gave a long hopeless sigh and fell into -a great silence which moved me far more than his -words had done. We plied our hoes in the immense -field which was situated in a desolate region of slight -undulations the outlines of which were blurred with -rank growth.</p> - -<p>Presently I broke in upon his silence to ask his -name.</p> - -<p>“I was,” he murmured, “I was Professor Ian -Baffin.”</p> - -<p>“Can it be possible?” I cried, for the fame of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_117">[117]</span> -that great man was world-wide, and during the notorious -Anti-Trust elections in my country his works -had been in every cultured home. I told him this, -but it brought him no comfort.</p> - -<p>“At the time of the change,” he said, “I and -fifty other Professors and Fellows of Colleges published -a manifesto in which we pointed out the disasters -that must ensue, and we even went so far as to -promise them degrees at the major universities, but -the change came and the universities were destroyed.”</p> - -<p>“What change?” I asked again.</p> - -<p>He leaned on his hoe and gazed toward the setting -sun.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IV: THE CHANGE</h3> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">About</span> the tenth year of the second of the great -wars,” he said, “there was a convulsion in the country. -A young idealist appeared who with fiery and -vulgar eloquence proclaimed that war was the triumph -of the old over the young, to whom since the -world began justice had never been done. The old, -he said, were in the position of trustees who had betrayed -their trust and instead of working for the -benefit of the endless army of the young who came -after them, devoted all their energies to robbing -them of their birthright. To extricate themselves<span class="pagenum" id="Page_118">[118]</span> -from the punishment which must otherwise have fallen -on them they exploited the courage and love of -adventure of the young and set them to destroy each -other. So successful had they been in this device -that they could count on using it at least once in every -generation, and politicians knew that when they were -at the end of their tether they could always procure -a continuance of their offices and emoluments by declaring -war. This had been the condition of civilised -existence for so many thousands of years that -it was generally accepted and the truth was never -suspected until our young idealist arrived with honey -on his lips for the young and gall and bitter invective -for the old. He rushed up and down the country -persuading young men on no condition to take up -arms. ‘Government?’ he said. ‘What government -do you need except such as will provide you -with roads, railways, lighting, bread for the incapacitated, -and drainage for all?’ I signed a manifesto -against him too. His ignorance of economics was -pitiful. In the end martial law was proclaimed and -he was shot. The young men did not listen to him, -but the young women did. Shooting him was a mistake. -It gave his name the magic of martyrdom. -By the thousand, women, old, young, and middle-aged, -cherished his portrait in their bosoms, prayed -to him in secret, vowed themselves to his cause, and -remained chaste. Nunneries were founded in his<span class="pagenum" id="Page_119">[119]</span> -name, but so potent was the spell of his martyrdom, -so overwrought were the women of this country by -the many crises through which we have passed, that -amid all the temptations of life they were dedicated -to his memory and preserved their virginity. They -said if the country can find no better use for our sons -than to send them to the slaughter and disablement, -we will breed no sons. The Government was -warned, but like all governments they could not see -beyond the system by which they governed, and -when at last they were convinced that something serious -was happening, they could think of no other remedy -than that of giving votes, i.e. a share in the system -by which they enjoyed their positions. At first, -to show their contempt for the Government, the -women did not use their votes until the country was -shown by an energetic and public-spirited woman -that another war was in the making. An election -was forced and the Government was defeated. At -the conclusion of the second great war you may remember -that Bondon was destroyed, and with it the -Houses of Parliament and the Royal Palace. A -new capital was chosen, but as Fatland was no longer -the center of the world’s credit system, finance had -lost its old power. A new type of politician had -arisen, who, in order to win favour with the women, -set himself to do all in his power to make government -impossible. The enormous numerical superiority of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_120">[120]</span> -the women made their leaders paramount in the -land, though there was still officially a Cabinet and a -House of Swells. On the third and last outbreak -of hostilities the officials made their final despairing -effort and declared war on Fatterland, but they had -no army. They had been unable to rebuild their -fleet as all the other countries had done. They were -helpless. The Cabinet and the House of Swells, to -set an example to the country, armed themselves and -went to the front, taking with them the last ten thousand -young men in the country. They never returned -and the country was left populated solely by -old men, cripples, and women, of whom a few thousand -were pregnant. These were interned. A -committee of influential women was formed and issued -a decree that Fatland would henceforth have no -share in male civilisation. Men had, to cut a long -story short, made a mess of things, and women -would now see what they could do. They began by -abolishing property in land. The first, the only important -thing was to feed the population. The -State guaranteed to everybody food, housing, and -clothes. Able-bodied women were to take charge of -their male relatives and make them useful. Decent -women, that is to say virgins, were to work on the -land. All women guilty of childbirth were to be -sent to work in the factories. I cannot remember -all the laws made, for my memory has been impaired<span class="pagenum" id="Page_121">[121]</span> -by my sufferings, but they were all dictated by an -unreasoning and venomous hatred of men. We are -little better than slaves. They laugh at us affectionately, -but they despise and ignore our thoughts. -They have defied every economic law, but astonishingly -they continue to live.”</p> - -<p>“Indeed,” said I, “the world goes on. The sun -sets and will rise as it has done these millions of -years, with change upon change, folly upon folly beneath -it. We turn up the earth for the food we eat -and so we live. Truly I think there is some wisdom -in these women.”</p> - -<p>The sun went down, a bell rang in the farmhouse, -we shouldered our hoes and returned thither, each -busy with his own thoughts.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">V: THE HOMESTEAD</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">To</span> my annoyance I found that the bell was not a -summons to a meal, but to a meeting of the family -of five women for a kind of a service. This consisted -in reading aloud from the speeches of William -Christmas, the idealist who had provoked this monstrous -state of affairs. His portrait hung on the -wall opposite the door, and I must confess that his -face was singularly beautiful. The woman who -had roused me from my bed read a passage beginning:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_122">[122]</span> -“The tyranny of the old is due to their stupidity, -which neither young men nor women have -yet had the patience to break through.” And as she -closed the book she said, “Thus spake William -Christmas.” Whereupon the other women muttered, -“of blessed memory, which endureth for ever -and ever. Amen.” These women were plain and -forbidding. Their eyes were fixed on the portrait -with a dog-like subjection which I found most repulsive. -They stood transfixed while the woman-farmer -declaimed: “For guidance, William Christmas, -spirit of woman incarnate, we look to thee in -the morning and in the evening, in our goings out and -our comings in, and woe to her who stumbles on the -way of all flesh into the snares of men.” On that -the five of them turned and glared sorrowfully at my -old friend and me until I was hard put to it not to -laugh. The meeting then came to an end, and we -were told to prepare supper. We withdrew to the -kitchen, and there Professor Baffin began to snigger, -and when I asked him what amused him he said:</p> - -<p>“The joke of it is that this Christmas, like all -idealists, was as great a lecher as Julius Cæsar. It -was his lechery made his position in the old order -of society impossible.”</p> - -<p>I laughed too, for I had begun dimly to understand -the passion which moved these virgins in their -chastity, and I was filled with a fierce hatred of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_123">[123]</span> -lot of them, and resolved as soon as possible to escape.</p> - -<p>We cooked a meal of fish and eggs, and having -laid the table we had to wait on the family. I was -struck by the triviality of their discourse and the absence -from it of any general argument. The five -women twittered like sparrows in mid-winter and not -once did they laugh. They talked of the condition -of their beasts and their crops, and so earnest, so -careful were they that I understood that it must be -barren soil indeed that would resist their efforts. -They were discussing what goods they would requisition -from the district store in return for their contribution -to the State granaries. I wondered if they -had succeeded in abolishing money, and upon enquiry -I found that they had. The Professor told me that -they had abolished everything which before the -change had made them dependent upon men and -their pleasure.</p> - -<p>“But why do you men stand it?” I cried.</p> - -<p>“We would starve else. We have no credit. -Contributions to the State granaries are not accepted -from men, nor are men allowed to trade direct with -the stores.”</p> - -<p>“But cannot they revolt and use their strength?”</p> - -<p>“The strange thing is,” said the Professor, “that -men cannot now endure the sight of each other. -They are as jealous of each other as women were in<span class="pagenum" id="Page_124">[124]</span> -the old days. Besides, writing is forbidden, and no -book is allowed save the posthumous works of the -lecherous William. The libraries were destroyed -on the same day as the arsenals. Intelligence is -gagged. Thrift and a terrible restless activity are -now our only virtues.”</p> - -<p>“And art?”</p> - -<p>“Art? How should there be art? It was never -more than the amusement of women in their idleness. -They are no longer idle and I must admit -that they are admirably methodical in their work, -energetic and straightforward as men never were. -But it is ill living in a woman-made world and I shall -not be sorry when death comes.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VI: OBSEQUIES</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Death</span> came to the old man that night, and so surprised -him that he was unable to feel anything. I -had been put to sleep in the same room with him and -was awakened by his talking. He was delivering -himself of what sounded like a lecture, but he broke -off in the middle to say:</p> - -<p>“This is very astonishing. I am going to die.”</p> - -<p>I struck a light, and there he was lying with a -smile of incredulity upon his face, and I thought that,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_125">[125]</span> -if we were sentient beings when we were born, so -and not otherwise we would accept the gift of life. -So and not otherwise do we greet all manifestations -of life which have not become familiar through -habit.</p> - -<p>I was grateful to the old man for giving me the -key to my own frame of mind. I spoke to him, but -he was dead.</p> - -<p>His loud discourse had roused the mistress of the -house who came knocking at the door, saying:</p> - -<p>“Baffin, if you don’t behave yourself I shall come -and tickle you.”</p> - -<p>So astounded and outraged was I at this address -that I leapt out of my bed, donned my kilt, and said:</p> - -<p>“Come in, woman, and see what you have done. -This learned old man, whose mind was one of the -glories of the world, has been driven to his death, -starved, deprived of the intellectual habits through -which a long life had been——”</p> - -<p>I got no further, for the woman flung herself upon -me and tickled my sides and armpits until I shrieked. -Two other women came rushing up and held me on -the floor, and then with a feather they tickled my -feet until I was nearly mad. I wept and cried for -mercy, and at last they desisted and withdrew, leaving -me with the corpse, to which they paid not the -slightest attention.</p> - -<p>The next morning I was told to dig a grave and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_126">[126]</span> -to prepare the body for burial. There was no more -ceremony than in a civilised country is given to the -interment of a dog, and in the house I only heard the -old man referred to twice. The youngest of the -women said, “He was a dear old idiot,” but the mistress -of the house shut her mouth like a trap on the -words: “One the less.”</p> - -<p>But a day or two later I found upon the grave a -pretty wreath of wild flowers, and that evening under -a hedge I came on a little girl, who was crying -softly to herself. I had not seen her before and was -puzzled to know where she came from. She said -her name was Audrey and she lived at the next farm, -where they were very unkind to her, and she used to -meet the old man in the fields and he was very nice -to her, and when she heard he was dead she wanted -to die too. The men on the farm were rough and -dirty, and the women were all spiteful and suspicious.</p> - -<p>When I asked her if she had put the wreath on my -old friend’s grave, she was frightened and made me -promise not to tell anyone. Of course I promised, -and I took her home. As we parted we engaged to -meet again in the wood half-way between our two -houses.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_127">[127]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VII: SLAVERY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">In</span> my own country I have often remarked the cruel -lack of consideration with which women treat their -servants, but here I was appalled by the bland inhumanity -of the conduct of these women toward myself. -I was given no wages and no liberty. (I -could not keep my engagement with Audrey.) I -was a hind, and lived in horror of the degradation -into which I saw that I must sink. Day after day -of the cruel work of the fields brought me to a torpid -condition in which I could but blindly obey the orders -given me when I returned home. Especially I -dreaded the evenings on those days when the mistress -of the house went to the district stores, for she -always returned out of temper and found fault with -everything I did. Also, when she was out of temper, -her readings from the Book of Christmas were -twice as long as usual.</p> - -<p>I was some weeks in this melancholy condition, -not knowing how I could make my escape and indeed -despairing of it, when I was sent on a message -to the next farm. On the way back I met Audrey, -at the sight of whose young beauty I forgot the despair -which latterly had seized me. I rushed to -her and caught her up in my arms and kissed her. -Thereupon she said she would never go back, but<span class="pagenum" id="Page_128">[128]</span> -would stay with me forever. I could not deny her, -for I had found in her the incentive which I had lost -in my growing indifference to my fate. She was but -a child, and the only gracious being I had met in this -ill-fated country. Hand in hand we wandered until -dusk, when I hid her in the hay-loft and returned to -my duties.</p> - -<p>I was severely chidden for my long absence and -ordered during the next week to wear the Skirt of -Punishment, a garment of the shape fashionable -among women at the time of the great change. -Poor Audrey could not help laughing when she saw -me in it, but having no other clothes I had to put off -all thought of escape until I was released from punishment. -Never before had I realised how cramped -the mind could become from the confinement of the -legs. My week in a skirt came very near to breaking -my spirit. Another four days of it and I believe -I should have grovelled in submissive adoration before -my tyrant. Only my nightly visits to Audrey -kept me in courage and resolution.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VIII: A STRANGE WOOING</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> youngest of the women in the homestead was -the last to speak to me. She was dark and not uncomely, -and I had often noticed her at the readings -smile rather fearfully at her own thoughts. Once<span class="pagenum" id="Page_129">[129]</span> -my eyes had met hers and I was shocked by the direct -challenge of her gaze. At the time I was disturbed -and uneasy, but soon forgot and took no notice -of the woman except that I felt vaguely that she -was unhappy. But soon I was always meeting her. -I would find her lurking in the rooms as I came to -scrub and clean them. Or she would appear in the -lane as I came home from the fields, or I would meet -her in the doorway, so that I could not help brushing -against her. A little later I missed one of my stockings -as I got up in the morning and had to go barefoot -until I had knitted another pair.</p> - -<p>One night as I was creeping off to my poor Audrey, -now deadly weary of her close quarters in the -hay, to my horror I met this woman clad in her -night attire. She vanished and I went my way -thoroughly frightened. I told Audrey to be ready -to come with me next day, for we were spied upon -and could not now wait, as we had planned, until my -little thefts from the larder had given us a sufficient -store of food.</p> - -<p>Nothing happened the next day and I gave up my -determination to ransack the larder. That night as -I opened the door I found the woman pressed -against it, so that she fell almost into my arms. She -clung to me wildly, assured me that I was the most -beautiful man she had ever seen, and tried to press -me back into my room, her tone, her whole bearing<span class="pagenum" id="Page_130">[130]</span> -conveying an invitation about which it was impossible -to be mistaken. It chilled me to the heart, coming -as it did so suddenly out of the coldness engendered -by the rigid separation of the sexes and the -deliberate humiliation of men in that woman-ridden -region. As gently as I could I put her from me, -though it was not so easy, and I rushed out into the -night. I could not tell Audrey what had happened, -but as soon as I saw her I felt that the moment for -our escape had come. If we did not seize it I should -be denounced and tickled, if not worse. We crept -away and made straight across the fields and at dawn -hid in a wood.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IX: THE RUINED CITY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> relieved to hear from Audrey that there were -no newspapers. She told me that a man from her -farm had run away but was never found. There -were always new men coming, because it was impossible -for them to obtain food except what they could -kill. In the summer there were always men wandering -about the country, but they came back in the -winter and were glad to work for their board and -lodging. I soon understood this, for when we had -exhausted our store we were often a whole day without -a morsel passing our lips, and I began to see the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_131">[131]</span> -foolhardiness of my attempt at liberty. Again and -again I besought Audrey to leave me, but she would -not. She could always have obtained a meal for -herself had she gone alone to a house, but wherever -I went I was asked for my registered number, and -at first had not the readiness to invent one. At last -I told one woman I was 8150. She asked me what -district and I did not know. On that she bundled -me out and I was lucky to escape detention. When -I asked Audrey about the registration she said all -men were registered with a number and a letter. -The men on her farm had been L.D. Next time I -said I was L.D. 8150, and when asked my business I -said I was taking my young miss to the nunnery at -O. Either my answer was satisfactory or Audrey’s -beauty was the passport it would be in any normal -country, for we were handsomely treated and given -a present of three cheeses to take to the nuns.</p> - -<p>We ate the cheeses and were kept alive until, -after a fortnight’s journey, we came on a dismal -mass of blackened buildings. We entered the city, -once world-famous for its textiles, and never have I -been so near the hopelessness of the damned. The -remains of a dead civilisation; decomposing and festering; -grass grew in between the cobbles of the -streets; weeds were rank; creepers covered the walls -of the houses and their filthy windows. Huge factories -were crumbling away, and here and there we<span class="pagenum" id="Page_132">[132]</span> -came on immense piles of bricks where the chimneys -had tumbled down. For miles we walked through -the streets and never saw a soul until as we turned a -corner into a square we came on a sight that made me -think we had reached the lowest Hell.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">X: THE OUTLAWS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was a great fire in the middle of the square, -and round this was a tatterdemalion crew of men -and women. They were roasting an ox, and, as -they waited for it, they sang and danced. When we -approached near enough to hear what they were -singing I blushed and felt aggrieved for Audrey. -Many of the men and women were perfectly shameless -in their gestures, and I wished to go back the -way we had come. However, we had been seen, -and were drawn into the light of the fire and asked -to give an account of ourselves. I told them I was -an American citizen only too anxious to return to my -own country now I had seen the pass to which theirs -had been brought. Audrey clung to me, and I said -she was my little cousin whom I had come to deliver, -and that, having wandered hungry for so many days, -we had taken refuge in the town in the hope of faring -better. We were given stools to sit on, and -slices of the best cut of the ox were put before us.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_133">[133]</span> -The rest drank spirits and wine from some cellar in -the town and were soon more crazy than ever, and -more obscene, but with my belly full of good meat -I was not offended and preferred their debauchery -to the icy virtue which had so horribly oppressed me -at the homestead. Audrey was excited by it all, but -I knew that her innocence could take no harm.</p> - -<p>Presently there was only one man sober besides -myself. He came towards me and invited me to -stay the night in his house where he lived alone -with his son. I liked the looks of the man. He -was poorly clad, but in the old fashion of coat and -trousers, whereas the costumes of the men in the -square were strange and bizarre.</p> - -<p>As we walked through the dark streets our new -friend told me that all the great cities of Fatland -were in this condition, abandoned to the dregs of the -population, degraded men and women, idle and lawless, -with the leaven of the few proud spirits who -would not accept the new regime and found a world -governed by women as repulsive as a world governed -by men. I was astonished at this, for I could not -then see, as later I saw, the abomination of civilised -life as I had known it at home. Perhaps a sailor, -for whom life ashore means pleasure and relief from -responsibilities, cannot feel injustice and inequality. -On the sea he has his own way of dealing with those -poisons.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_134">[134]</span>The house we came to was small but comfortable. -My new friend explained that he was able to keep -alive by dealing with the outlaws, who kept money -current among themselves, and, indeed, had come to -regard him as their counsellor and peacemaker, and -never returned from their raids without bringing him -some tribute. Seeing me dubious of the morality -of this, he explained that under the old order he had -been a shareholder in joint-stock companies and accepted -his share of the profits without scruple as to -how they had been obtained. He told me further -that he was quite alone in the city, and that no one -else maintained the old life. He had registered -himself in compliance with the law, but could not -leave the mathematical work to which his life had -been devoted, for he believed that he would achieve -results which would survive all the vicissitudes of -Fattish civilisation even as the work of Pythagoras -had survived ancient Greece. The number of outlaws, -he said, was growing, and there would eventually -be a revolution, to lead which he was preparing -and educating his son, Edmund. His own sympathies, -he declared, had at first been with the women, -who had been driven to extricate the country from -the vicious circle of war into which it had been -drawn by the egregious folly of men. But when, -having achieved this, they abused their power and, -in the intoxication of their success, defied nature herself,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_135">[135]</span> -then he had abandoned all hope and had taken -the only means of dissociating himself from the life -of his country, namely, by staying where he was. -To be sure the women had established agriculture on -a sound basis, but it was vain for them to breed cattle -if they would not breed themselves.</p> - -<p>I asked him if he was a widower. He said No.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XI: EDMUND</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">This</span> man’s son was the most charming boy I ever -set eyes on. He was eighteen, but had the carriage -and assurance of a young man in his prime, most resolute -and happy. He liked talking to me and was -more communicative than his father. For a fortnight -he would work steadily at his books, imbibing -the principles of government in the philosophers -from Plato down. He thought they were all wrong, -said so, and but for his simplicity I should have put -him down as conceited. It was very slowly as I -talked to him that I came to realise the revolution in -thought produced by the great European wars and -the terrible consequences, how fatal they had been -to the old easy idealism. The new spirit in its generous -acceptance of the gross stuff of human nature -and its indomitable search for beauty in it has been -expressed for all time by our poet, Hohlenheim, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_136">[136]</span> -I only need state here that I encountered it for the -first time in that ruined city. Not, however, till -Hohlenheim expressed it did I recognise it.</p> - -<p>But for Hohlenheim I could believe in a Providence -when I think of Edmund and Audrey. They -were as bee and flower. The honey of her beauty -drew him and he was hers, she his, from the first moment. -I had regarded her as a child and was -amazed to see how she rejoiced in him. I had expected -more modesty until I reflected how in such -darkness as that which enveloped Fatland love must -blaze. It flared up between them and burned them -into one spirit. So moved was I that all other marriage, -even my own, has always seemed a mockery -to me.</p> - -<p>How gracious Audrey was to me! She promised -me that Edmund would hurry up his revolution so -that I could return to my own country, but I was -given to understand that the position was very difficult, -because his own mother was Vice-Chairwoman -of the Governing Committee. For a week at a time -Edmund would be away rounding up outlaws, and, -at great risk, preaching to the kilted and registered -men in the fields. Had he been caught he would -have been tickled to death.</p> - -<p>After a time I went with him on his expeditions. -It was amazing how his eloquence and his personality -produced their effect even on the dullest minds.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_137">[137]</span> -The stream of men proceeding to the ruined city increased -every day, and we began to have enough -good people to suppress the reckless rioters somewhat -and to organise the life of the town something -after the fashion of the Italian city-state, except that -we made no warlike preparations whatsoever. -Most encouraging of all, we had a growing number -of young women coming into the place, and thankful -as they were to escape the nunneries or the spinsterhood -of the farms, they quickly found mates and produced -children. The birth of every baby was made -a matter of public rejoicing.</p> - -<p>But alas! my ill-luck pursued me. On one of our -expeditions we were cut off and surrounded in a field -by a patrol of women. Edmund managed to escape, -but I was captured and tortured into making a confession -of what was going on in the ruined city. I -did not see how my confession could do any harm, -and I don’t know what happened, but though my -friends must have known where I was they made no -attempt to rescue me or to communicate with me. -I think I should have died rather than confess but -for the thought of my wife. My strongest passion -then was to see her again. Let that, if excuse is -needed, be mine.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_138">[138]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XII: THE NUNNERY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> Edmund disappeared through a gap in the -hedge I was attacked by a mob of women, screaming -at the top of their voices. They talked me into a -state of stupefaction and led me dazed in the direction -of a great building which I had taken for a factory -or workhouse. Here with the leader of my -captors I was hustled through a little gate with the -mob outside hooting and yelling:</p> - -<p>“Man! Man! Man!”</p> - -<p>I was flung into a cell and left there to collect my -wits, which I found hard of doing, for I was near -the limits of my endurance, and I did not see how I -could hold out against the numbing influence of such -absolute feminism. In the society to which I had -been accustomed men, whatever their misdeeds, had -always treated women with indulgence, but here the -life of a man was one long expiation for the crime of -having been born. I had spirit enough left in me to -revolt, but my feeling could only express itself in -bitter tears. I wept all night without ceasing, and -the next day I was so weak and ill that I slept from -utter exhaustion.</p> - -<p>Bread and water were handed in to me through a -hole in the door, but the bread was sour and the water -was foul to my taste. Once again I fell a victim<span class="pagenum" id="Page_139">[139]</span> -to the sense of hallucination, and when at last -the door of my cell was opened and a human figure -entered I was half-convinced that I was honoured -with a visitation by an angel. I fell on my knees -and the “angel” called me to my senses by saying:</p> - -<p>“Fool, get up.”</p> - -<p>I obeyed and my visitor informed me that she was -the Medical Superintendent come to inspect me. I -was ordered to strip and stand in the middle of the -cell while the superintendent walked round me and -surveyed me as farmers do with cattle. She prodded -my flesh and asked me my age and what illnesses I -had had. She sounded my lungs and tested my -heart and appeared to be well satisfied. As she -scanned my person there came into her eyes a quizzical, -humorous look, in which there was a certain -kindly pity, so that I was reassured and plucked up -courage to ask where I was and what was going to be -done with me. I was told that I was in the great -nunnery of O, and that my destiny depended upon -her report. I asked her to make it a good one and -she laughed. I laughed too, for indeed mine was a -most ridiculous position, standing there stark naked -under her scrutiny. It became necessary for me to -cover myself, and when I had done so we still stood -there laughing like two sillies. She said:</p> - -<p>“You’ll do.”</p> - -<p>“For what?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_140">[140]</span>“I can give you a certificate for fatherhood.”</p> - -<p>I gasped and protested that I was married, and -expressed my horror of any such misconduct as she -proposed. She ignored my protest and said:</p> - -<p>“The mothers of your children will be carefully -chosen for you.”</p> - -<p>On that I roared with laughter. The idea was -too preposterous. The superintendent reproved me -and said that any ordinary man would give his eyes -to be in my position, which I owed entirely to my -wonderful physique. I declared my unwillingness -and demanded as an American citizen to be set at -liberty. She told me that the idea of nationality -was not recognised and that I must serve the human -race in the way marked out for me. “How?” said -I. “Marked out for me? By whom?” I was -assured by my own physical fitness. I protested that -I could not look upon fatherhood as a career, but -was told that I must consider it among the noblest. -I maintained that it could never be for a man more -than an incident, significant and delightful no doubt, -but no more to be specialized in than any other natural -function. Argument, however, was impossible, -for on this subject the superintendent’s humour deserted -her. However, her interest was roused and -she was more friendly in her attitude, and consented -to explain to me the institution which she served. It -was not in the old sense a nunnery, for its inmates<span class="pagenum" id="Page_141">[141]</span> -were not vowed to seclusion, and though portraits -of William Christmas were plentiful on its walls, -there was no formal devotion to his memory. It -was literally a garden of girls. Female children -were brought from the affiliated crèches to be trained -and educated for the functions of life to which they -were best fitted. The intelligent were equipped for -the sciences, the strong for agriculture, the quick -and cunning for industry, the beautiful for maternity. -Male children were farmed out and given no instruction -whatever, since they needed no intelligence for -the duties they had to perform. “But the birth-rate?” -I said, and received the answer: “Should -never be such as to complicate the problem of food. -It is better to have a small sensible population than -one which is driven mad by its own multitude.”</p> - -<p>I was far from convinced and said: “Such a -world might a student of bees dream of after a late -supper of radishes.”</p> - -<p>My new friend replied that I had not lived -through the nightmare of the great wars, or I would -be in a better position to appreciate the blessings of a -scientific society. She admitted that men were -perhaps treated with undue severity, but added that, -for her part, she believed it to be necessary for the -gradual suppression of the masculine conceit and -folly which had for so long ravaged the world. In -time that would right itself, the severity would be<span class="pagenum" id="Page_142">[142]</span> -relaxed, and men would assert an undeniable claim to -a due share in the benefits of civilisation. In the -meanwhile, she would do all in her power to befriend -me. I implored her to certify me unfit for fatherhood, -but she would only yield so far as to declare -that I was in need of a month’s recuperation and -distraction.</p> - -<p>With that ended my interview with that extraordinary -woman, who in happier circumstances would -have been a glory to her sex.</p> - -<p>I was presently removed from my cell to a pleasant -room in the lodge by the gate, and I was made -to earn my keep by working in the garden. At the -end of a week I was despatched by road to the capital -to appear there before the examining committee -of the department of birth.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIII: IN THE CAPITAL</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> luck would have it my guardian on the long journey -by road—for motor-cars had not been renounced—was -a little chatterbox of a woman, who -coquetted with me in the innocent and provocative -manner of the born flirt. She meant no harm by it, -but could not control her eyes and gestures. I encouraged -her to make her talk, and she told me it -would have gone hardly with me but that the medical<span class="pagenum" id="Page_143">[143]</span> -superintendent had been passing by the gate of -the nunnery as I was thrust in. But for her I should -have been condemned to work in the sewers or to sell -stamps in the post office, menial work reserved for -criminals, for the authorities were becoming exasperated -with the agitation for the rights of men. -The outlaws no one minded. They inhabited the -ruined cities and sooner or later would be starved -out. It was absurd to expect the new society to be -rid altogether of the pests which had plagued the -old, but every reasonable woman was determined -that for generations men should not enjoy the rights -which they had so wantonly abused.</p> - -<p>“But,” I said, “men never claimed rights.”</p> - -<p>“No,” answered my coquette, “they stole them -when we were not looking. They insisted that we -should all be mothers, so that we should be too busy -to keep them out of mischief.”</p> - -<p>“My dear child,” said I, “it is the women who -have kept us in mischief.”</p> - -<p>“No one can say,” she replied, “that we do not -keep you out of it now.” And she gave me one of -those arch involuntary invitations which have before -now been the undoing of Empires. I could not resist -it. I seized her in my arms and kissed her full -on the lips.</p> - -<p>I half expected her to stop the car and denounce -me, but when she had made sure that the girl driving<span class="pagenum" id="Page_144">[144]</span> -had not seen she was undisturbed and remarked with -a charming smile:</p> - -<p>“Some foreign ways are rather pretty.”</p> - -<p>I repeated the offence, and by the journey’s end we -were very good friends and understood each other -extremely well. She agreed with me when I said -that all forms of society were dependent upon a lot -of solemn humbug. She said yes, and she expected -that before she had done she would be put upon her -trial. I did not then understand her meaning, for -we parted at the door of a large house, where she -was given a receipt for me. She saluted me, the -dear little trousered flirt, by putting her finger to her -lips as the car drove off.</p> - -<p>There were no women in that house. Its inhabitants -were a number of young men like myself, all -superb in physique and many of them extremely -handsome, but they were all gloomy and depressed. -I was right in guessing them to be other candidates -for fatherhood. They were guarded and served by -very old men in long robes like tea-gowns. Horrible -old creatures they were, like wicked midwives -who vary their habit of bringing human beings into -the world by preparing their dead bodies to leave -it. But the young men were hardly any better: -they were dull, stupid, and listless, and their conversation -was obscene.</p> - -<p>We had to spend our time in physical exercise, in<span class="pagenum" id="Page_145">[145]</span> -taking baths and anointing our bodies with unguents -and perfumes. We were decked out in beautiful -clothes. Embroidered coats and white linen kilts. -In the evenings there were lectures on physiology, -and we were made to chant a poetical passage from -the works of William Christmas, a description of the -glory of the bridegroom, of which I remember nothing -except an offensive comparison with a stallion.</p> - -<p>The humiliation was terrible, and when I remembered -the superintendent speaking of “the mothers -of my children” I was seized with a nausea which I -could not shake off, until, two days after my arrival, -an epidemic of suicide among the candidates horrified -me into a wholesome reaction against my surroundings. -I found it hard to account for the epidemic -until I noticed the coincidence of the disappearance -of the most comely of the young men with -the periodic visits of the high officials. This -pointed, though at first I refused to believe it, to the -vilest abuse of the system set up by the women in -their pathetic attempt to solve the problem of population -scientifically. Far, far better were it had -they been content with their refusal to bear children -and to impose chastity upon all without exception, -and to let the race perish. Must the stronger sex -always seek to degrade the weaker? My experience -in that house filled me with an ungovernable -hatred of women. The sight of them with the absurdities<span class="pagenum" id="Page_146">[146]</span> -of their bodies accentuated by the trousered -costumes they had elected to adopt filled me with -scorn and bitter merriment. The smell of them, to -which in my hatred I became morbidly sensitive, -made me sick. The sound of their voices set my -teeth on edge.</p> - -<p>Such was my condition when, after three weeks’ -training, I was called before the examination committee.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIV: THE EXAMINATION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Nothing</span> in all my strange experiences astonished -me so much as the lack of ceremony in this matter of -fatherhood. It was approached with a brutal disinterestedness, -a cynical disregard of feeling equalled -only by men of pleasure in other countries. I was -filled with rage when I was introduced to the committee -of middle-aged and elderly women and exposed -to their cold scrutiny. First of all I was told -to stand at the end of the hall and repeat the poem -of William Christmas. I had been made to get it by -heart, but in my distress I substituted the word Ram -for the word Stallion. The chairwoman rapped -angrily on the table.</p> - -<p>“Why do you say Ram for Stallion?”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_147">[147]</span>I replied: “Because it more aptly describes -my condition. There is nobility in the stallion, but -the ram is a foolish beast.”</p> - -<p>There was a consultation, after which the chairwoman -bade me approach and said:</p> - -<p>“Your medical report is excellent but we are -afraid you lack mental simplicity. You are an educated -man.”</p> - -<p>“I am an American citizen,” I replied proudly, -“and I protest against the treatment to which I have -been subjected.”</p> - -<p>“We know nothing of that,” retorted the chairwoman. -“You are before us as L.D. 8150, recommended -for paternal duties and, if passed, to be entered -in the stud-book. Your record since you have -been in the country is a bad one, but points to the -possession of a spirit which for our purposes may be -valuable.”</p> - -<p>I said: “You may call me what you like; you -may register me in any book you please, send me -where you choose, but I am a married man and will -not oblige you.”</p> - -<p>Then a fury seized me and I shouted:</p> - -<p>“Can you not see that you are driving your people -into madness or disaster, that you will soon be -plunged again into barbarism, that your science is destroying -the very spirit of civilisation? I tell you -that even now, as you work and plan and arrange,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_148">[148]</span> -there is growing a revolt against you, a revolt so -strong that it will ignore you, as life in the end ignores -those who would measure it with a silver rod.”</p> - -<p>The chairwoman smiled as she rejoined:</p> - -<p>“Those are almost identically the words I addressed -to the late Prime Minister of Fatland when, -after thirty years of prevarication, he was persuaded -to receive a deputation. I am afraid we must reject -you as a candidate for the duties for which you have -been trained. In the ordinary course you would be -put upon your trial and committed to a severe cross-examination, -an art which has been raised by us to -the pitch of perfection. As it is, we are satisfied -that you are labouring under the disadvantage of -contamination from a man-governed society and are -probably not guilty of the usual offences which render -candidates unfit. We therefore condemn you as -a man of genius, and order you to be interned in the -suburb set apart for that class.”</p> - -<p>I bowed to cover my amazement, a bell was rung, -and I was conducted forth. Outside, meeting another -candidate, green with nervousness, I told him -I had been rejected, whereupon he plucked up courage -and asked me how I had managed it. I told -him to say Billy-Goat instead of Stallion.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_149">[149]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XV: MEN OF GENIUS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">I had</span> not then met Hohlenheim and did not know -what a man of genius was, and for genius I still had -a superstitious reverence. Before I left the committee -hall I was given a coloured ribbon to wear -across my breast and a brass button to pin into my -hat. On the button was printed M.G. 1231. -What! said I to myself, Over a thousand men of -genius in the country! never dreaming that some of -them might be of the same kind as myself, so obstinate -are superstitions and so completely do they hide -the obvious.</p> - -<p>As I passed through the streets of the capital I -found that I was the object of amused contemptuous -glances from the women, who walked busily and purposefully -along. There were no shops in the streets, -which were bordered with trees and gardens and -seemed to be very well and skilfully laid out. I was -free to go where I liked, or I thought I was, and I -determined not to go to the suburb, but to find a -lodging where I could for a while keep out of trouble -and at my leisure discover some means of getting -out of the abominable country. Coming on what -looked like an eating-house, I entered the folding -doors, but was immediately ejected by a diminutive<span class="pagenum" id="Page_150">[150]</span> -portress. When I explained that I was hungry she -told me to go home.</p> - -<p>I was equally unfortunate at other places, and at -last put their unkind receptions down to my badges. -Is this, I thought, how they treat their men of -genius? My applications for lodgings were no more -prosperous, and I was preparing to sleep in the -streets when I met an enormously fat man wearing -a ribbon and button like my own. He hailed me as -a comrade, flung his arm round my shoulder and -said: “The cold winds of misfortune may blow -through an æolian harp, but they make music. Ah! -Divine music, in paint, in stone, in words, and many -other different materials.” “I beg your pardon,” -said I, “but the wind of misfortune is blowing an infernal -hunger through my ribs, and I should be -obliged if you will lead me to a place where I can be -fed.” “Gladly, gladly. We immortals, living and -dead, are brothers.” So saying he led me through -a couple of gardens until we came to a village of -little red houses set round a green, in the center of -which was a statue. “Christmas!” I cried. -“Christmas it is,” said my guide, “the only statue -left in the country, save in our little community, -where the rule is, Every man his own statue.”</p> - -<p>Community within community! This society in -which I was floundering was like an Indian puzzle-box -which you open and open until you come to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_151">[151]</span> -a little piece of cane like a slice of a dried pea.</p> - -<p>However, I was too hungry to pursue reflection -any further and without more words followed my -companion into one of the little red houses, where -for the first time for many months I was face to face -with a right good meal. Here at any rate were sensible -people who had not forgotten that a man’s first -obligation is to his stomach. I ate feverishly and -paid no heed to my companions at table, two little -gentlemen whom at home I would have taken for -elderly store-clerks. When at last I spoke, one of -the little gentlemen was very excited to discover that -I was an American. “Can you tell me,” he said, -“can you tell me who are now the best sellers?”</p> - -<p>“What,” I asked, “are they?”</p> - -<p>They looked at each other in dismay.</p> - -<p>“<i>We</i> were best sellers,” they cried in chorus.</p> - -<p>After the meal they brought out volumes of cuttings -from the American newspapers, and I recognised -the names of men who had in their works -brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips.</p> - -<p>“Do I behold,” I said, “the authors of those delightful -books which have made life sweeter for -thousands?”</p> - -<p>They hung their heads modestly, each apparently -expecting the other to speak. At last my fat friend -said:</p> - -<p>“Brothers, we will have a bottle of port on this.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_152">[152]</span>The port was already decanted and ready to his -hand. Over it they poured out their woes. Publication -had stopped in Fatland. There was no public, -and the public of America had been made inaccessible. -How can a man write a book without a public? -It would be sheer waste of his genius. When -a man has been paid two hundred dollars for a story -he could not be expected to work for less, could he? -I supposed not, and the little man with the long hair -and pointed Elizabethean beard cried hysterically:</p> - -<p>“But these women, these harpies, expect us to -work for their bits of paper, their drafts on their -miserable stores. When they drew up their confounded -statutes they admitted genius: they acknowledged -that we should be useless on farms or in factories. -They allowed us this, the once-famous garden -suburb, for our residence and retreat, but they -made us work—work—us, the dreamers of -dreams! But what work? The sweet fruits of our -inspiration? No. We have been set to edit the -works of William Christmas, to write the biography -of William Christmas, to prepare the sayings of -William Christmas for the young. No Christmas, -no dinner, and there you are. Is such a life tolerable?”</p> - -<p>“No!” cried the fat man.</p> - -<p>“What is more,” continued the indignant one, -“we are asked to dwell among nincompoops who<span class="pagenum" id="Page_153">[153]</span> -have never had and never could have any reputation, -young men who used to insult us in the newspapers, -cranks and faddists who have never reached the -heart of the great public and are jealous of those -who have. And these men are set to work with us -in our drudgery, and they are paid exactly at the -same rate. Fortunately many of them waste their -time in writing poetry and drama while we do their -work and make them pay in contributions to our -table. Pass the port, brother.”</p> - -<p>They spent the evening reading aloud from their -volumes of press cuttings, living in the glorious past, -while they appealed to me every now and then for -news of the publishing world in America. I invented -the names of best sellers and made my hosts’ -mouths water over the prices I alleged to be then -current. They were so pleased with me that they -pressed me to stay with them and to work on the new -Concordance of Christmas.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVI: REVOLUTION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Work</span> on the Index, I soon found, meant preparing -the whole mighty undertaking, while my three men -of genius smoked, ate, drank, slept, talked, and went -a-strolling in the capital. There was this advantage -about being a man of genius that I was free to come<span class="pagenum" id="Page_154">[154]</span> -and go as and when I liked, though I was everywhere -scoffed at and treated with good-humoured scorn. I -was always liable to insult at the hands of the high-spirited -young women of the capital who held places -in the Government offices and had acquired the insolent -manners of a ruling class. However, I soon -learned to recognise the type and to avoid an encounter, -though my poor old friends often came -home black and blue.</p> - -<p>There was a great deal more sense in Christmas -than I had at first supposed, and, as I progressed -with my work, I saw that what he meant was very -near what Edmund and his father had been at, -namely, that men and women, if only they set about -it the right way, can find in each other the interest, -amusement, and imaginative zest to dispel the boredom -which is alone responsible for social calamities. -His appeal had been to men, but he had only reached -the ears of women, and they had hopelessly misunderstood -him. They had expected him to have a -new message and had taken his old wisdom for novelty -by identifying it with his personality. He had -not taken the precaution to placate the men of genius -of his time. Without a marketable reputation they -could not recognise him. They refused to acknowledge -him and drove him into the strange courses -which made him seem to the nerve-ridden women of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_155">[155]</span> -the country new, fresh, and Heaven-sent. Certainly -he had genius, as my professional men of -genius had it not, and it came into too direct a contact -with the public mind. The smouldering indignation -of ages burst into flame. More and more as -I worked I was filled with respect for this idealist -and with pity for the human beings who had followed -him to their undoing. His insight was remarkable, -and I made a collection of his works to -take back with me to America, if I should ever go -there.</p> - -<p>I stayed in the Suburb of Genius for a couple of -years, very pleased to be away from the women, and -among people many of whom were amusing. There -were painters and sculptors, who spent their time -making Christmas portraits and effigies, cursing -like sailors as they worked. Very good company -some of these men, and most ingenious in their shifts -and devices to dodge the rules and regulations with -which they were hemmed in. Some of them had -smuggled women into their houses and lived in a -very charming domesticity. I envied them and was -filled with longing for my home.</p> - -<p>One day as I was at my work I came on an unpublished -manuscript of Christmas. It contained a -poem which I liked and a saying which fired me. -This was the poem:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_156">[156]</span></p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="first">“The woman’s spirit kindles man’s desire,</div> -<div class="verse">And both are burned up by a quenchless fire.</div> -<div class="verse">Let but the woman set her spirit free,</div> -<div class="verse">Then it is man’s unto eternity.</div> -<div class="verse">It is a world within his hands, and there</div> -<div class="verse">They two may dwell encircled in a square.”</div> -</div></div> - -<p>I could never quite make sense of it, but it seized -my imagination as nonsense sometimes will, and prepared -it for the convulsion which was to happen.</p> - -<p>This was the saying:</p> - -<p>“There will come one after me who shall build -where I have destroyed, and he shall capture the -flame wherewith I have burned away the dying -thoughts of men.”</p> - -<p>The words haunted me. They were in none of -the Christmas books, nor in the biography. I inserted -it in the Concordance and in a new edition of -the Speeches, on my own responsibility and without -saying a word to my employers. There might or -might not be trouble, but I knew that the Chairwoman -of the Governing Committee was a vain old -creature and would take the words to mean herself. -To my mind they pointed straight to Edmund. I -knew that his cause was gaining ground and that, if -I could gain sufficient publicity for the saying, his -following would be vastly increased.</p> - -<p>I was on good terms with the chief of the publishing -department and was able to persuade her to announce -that the new edition of the Speeches was the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_157">[157]</span> -only one authorised by the Governing Committee; -all others to be called in. The success of my trick -exceeded all my dreams. There was something like -an exodus from the capital.</p> - -<p>I met my dear Audrey one day. She had come to -spy out the land. Her news was glorious. For -miles round the once ruined city the farms were occupied -with happy men and women working together -to supply food for the towns, which in return furnished -their wants from its workshops, which the -toilers filled with song as they worked. The fame -of it was everywhere growing. Other ruined cities -had been occupied. Two of the great nunneries -were deserted. Edmund with a great company of -young men had taken possession of a town by the -sea and opened the harbour and released the ships.</p> - -<p>“Ships!” I said. “There are ships sailing on -the sea!”</p> - -<p>That settled it. No more men of genius for me. -That night I spent in chalking up the saying of William -Christmas on the walls of the capital. The -next morning I was with Audrey wandering about -the streets, hearing Edmund’s name on all lips, and -then, satisfied that all would be well, I made for the -sea-board.</p> - -<p>It was good to see America again, but I suffered -there as acutely as I had done in Fatland. I had -been among women who, if misguided, were free.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_158">[158]</span> -My dear wife and I could never understand one another -and she died within a very few years after my -return of a broken heart. I thought I could not survive -her, and should not have done but for my fortunate -encounter with Hohlenheim, who could understand -my loathing of woman in Fatland, of man in -America, draw it up into his own matchless imagination -and distil the passion of it into beauty.</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_159">[159]</span> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="Out_of_Work">Out of Work</h2> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_160">[160]</span></p> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_161">[161]</span></p> - -<h3 class="nobreak">I: MR. BLY’S HEART BREAKS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">In</span> a little house, one of many such houses, in a town, -one of many such towns in Fatland, sat Nicholas Bly, -a small stationer and newsagent, by the bedside of -his wife. She said: “Ain’t I thin, Nick?” and -again she said: “My hair is only half what it -was.” And he said: “It’s very pretty hair.” -She smiled and took his hand in hers and she died. -When Nicholas Bly was quite sure that she was -dead, when he could believe that she was dead, he -did not weep, for there were no tears in his eyes. -He said nothing, for there were no words in his -mind. He felt nothing, for his heart was breaking, -and so little was he alive that he did not know it. -His wife was dead, his two children were dead, his -shop was closed, and he had two shillings in the -world, and they were borrowed.</p> - -<p>He went out into the street and when he saw a -well-fed man he hated him: and when he saw a thin -hungry man he despised him; on returning to his -house he found there a Doctor and a Parson. The -Doctor said his wife had died of something with two -long Latin names.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_162">[162]</span>“She starved,” said Nicholas Bly.</p> - -<p>The Parson said something about the will and the -love of God.</p> - -<p>“The devil’s took her,” said Nicholas Bly.</p> - -<p>The Parson cast up his eyes and exhorted the -blasphemer to seek comfort in duty and distraction -in hard work.</p> - -<p>“I’m out of work,” said Nicholas Bly; “the -devil’s took my work and my wife and my two children. -Hell’s full up and overflowed into this ’ere -town and this ’ere street. We must fight the devil -with fire and bloody murders.”</p> - -<p>The Parson and the Doctor agreed that the poor -fellow was mad.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">II: MR. BLY IS IMPRISONED</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Nicholas Bly’s</span> stomach was full of emptiness, the -heat of his blood parched his brains, and his sleep -was crowded with huddling bad dreams. He ate -crusts and cabbage stalks picked up out of the gutter, -and when he was near mad with thirst he -snatched beer jugs from children as they turned -into the entries leading to their houses. His days -he spent looking for the devil. Three nights he -spent moving from one square with seats round it to -another, and on the fourth night he heard of a brick-field<span class="pagenum" id="Page_163">[163]</span> -where there was some warmth. He slept there -that night and was arrested. The magistrate said:</p> - -<p>“I am satisfied that you are a thoroughly worthless -character, an incurable vagabond, and if not yet -a danger, a nuisance to society....”</p> - -<p>(The magistrate said a great deal more. He was -newly appointed and needed to persuade himself of -his dignity by talk.)</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly was sent to prison.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">III: THE DARK GENTLEMAN</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">When</span> he left the prison Nicholas Bly realised that -he had legs to walk with but nowhere to go, hands -to work with but nothing to do, a brain to think with -but never a thought. He was almost startled to -find himself utterly alone, and his loneliness drove -him into a hot rage. In prison he had thought -vaguely of the world as a warm place outside, to -which in the course of days he would return. Now -that he had returned the world had nothing to do -with him and he had nothing to do with it. He -prowled through the streets, but a sort of pride forbade -him to eat the cabbage stalks and crusts of the -gutters, and to rob children of their parents’ beer -he was ashamed. He looked for work, but was -everywhere refused, and he said to himself:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_164">[164]</span>“Prison is the best the world can do for men like -me.”</p> - -<p>But he was determined to give the world a better -reason for putting him in prison than sleeping in a -brick-field because it was warm. The world was -cold. He would make it warm. The devil was in -the world: he would burn him out, use his own element -against him.</p> - -<p>He chose the largest timber-yard he could find, -and that night he stole a can of petrol, and when he -had placed it in a heap of shavings went out into the -street to find some matches. He met a seedy individual -in a coat with a fur collar and a broad-brimmed -hat, who looked like an actor, and he asked -him if he could oblige him with a match.</p> - -<p>“Lucifers,” said the seedy individual and gave -him three.</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly returned to the timber-yard with the -matches. He struck one. It went off like a rocket. -The second exploded like a Chinese cracker, and he -was just lighting the third when he heard a melancholy -chuckle. He turned his head and found the -seedy individual gazing at him with an expression of -wistfulness.</p> - -<p>“Like old times,” said the seedy individual.</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly lit the third match and it flooded the -whole yard with Bengal light, and still he had not set -fire to his petrol.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_165">[165]</span>“Gimme another match,” said Nicholas Bly; -“watch me set fire to the yard and go and tell.”</p> - -<p>“I have no more,” replied the stranger. -“Those were my last. I no longer make fire or instruments -of fire. No one wants my tricks. I have -lost everything and am doomed.”</p> - -<p>“I have lost my wife, my children and my work.”</p> - -<p>“I have lost my kingdom, my power and my -glory.”</p> - -<p>“The devil took them,” answered Nicholas Bly.</p> - -<p>“I wish I had,” replied the stranger.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IV: THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S STORY</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Nicholas Bly</span> fetched a screech loud enough to -wake a whole parish. The dark gentleman pounced -on him firmly and gagged him with his hand, and his -fingers burnt into the newsagent’s cheek.</p> - -<p>“Be silent,” said the dark gentleman, “you’ll -have them coming and taking you away from me. -Will you be silent?”</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly nodded to say he would be silent. -Then he said:</p> - -<p>“If you didn’t take them, who did?”</p> - -<p>“Jah!” said the devil, for the dark gentleman -was no other. “Jah took them. Jah does everything<span class="pagenum" id="Page_166">[166]</span> -now, at least I am forced to the conclusion that -he does, since I find everything going on much the -same. I knew how it would be. I knew he would -find it dull only dealing with virtuous people. It -was very sudden. I was deposed without any notice -just in the middle of the busiest time I’d had for -centuries. I have had a horrible time. No one believed -in me. For years now I have only been used -to frighten children, and have occasionally been allowed -to slip into their dreams. You must agree -that it is galling for one who has lived on the fat of -human faith—for in the good old days I had far -more souls than Jah. I haven’t been in a grown -man’s mind for years until I found yours open to -me.”</p> - -<p>“I don’t know about that,” said Nicholas Bly. -“I want my wife. I want my two children. I -want my work.”</p> - -<p>“Anything may be possible if you will believe in -me.”</p> - -<p>“I’ll believe in anything, I’d go to Hell if I could -get them back.”</p> - -<p> </p> - -<p>“There is no Hell,” said the devil.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_167">[167]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">V: COGITATION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">This</span> was a little difficult for Nicholas Bly. For a -long time they sat brooding in the darkness of the -timber-yard. Then said Nicholas Bly:</p> - -<p>“Seeing’s believing. I see you. I believe in you. -You’re the first critter that’s spoke to me honest and -kindly this many a long day. You seem to be worse -off than I am. We’re mates.”</p> - -<p>“Thank you,” said the devil. “In the old days -I used to offer those who believed in me women, -wine, song and riches. But now we shall have to see -what we can do.”</p> - -<p>“I want to spite that there Jah.”</p> - -<p>“We will do our best,” said the devil.</p> - -<p>With that they rose to their feet, and as they left -the timber-yard the devil shook a spark out of his -tail on to the petrol, so that they had not gone above -a mile when the wood was ablaze and they could see -the red glow of the fire against the sky.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VI: CONFLAGRATION</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Gleefully</span> the devil took Mr. Bly back to watch -the blaze, and they were huddled and squeezed and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_168">[168]</span> -pressed in the crowd. A fat woman took a fancy to -the devil and put her arm round his waist.</p> - -<p>“Where are you living, old dear?” she said.</p> - -<p>“You leave my pal alone,” said Nicholas Bly.</p> - -<p>But the devil gave her a smacking kiss, and she -slapped his face and giggled, saying:</p> - -<p>“Geeh! That was a warm one that was.”</p> - -<p>And she persisted until the devil had confessed -his name to be Mr. Nicodemus. Then she said she -had a snug little room in her house which he could -have—his pal too if they were not to be separated.</p> - -<p>Mr. Bly demurred, but Mr. Nicodemus said:</p> - -<p>“You can only get at Jah through the women.”</p> - -<p>So they pursued the adventure and went home -with the fat woman, but when she reached her parlour -she plumped down on her knees and said her -prayers, and the devil vanished, and she was so enraged -that she swept Nicholas Bly out with her -broom. He hammered on her door and told her -why his friend had vanished, and that if she would -say her prayers backward he would return. She -said her prayers backwards and Mr. Nicodemus returned.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_169">[169]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VII: TIB STREET</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> fat woman’s name was Mrs. Martin, and when -she found that her beloved had a tail she was not at -all put out, but to avoid scandal, cut it off.</p> - -<p>All the same there was a scandal, for the fascination -of Mr. Nicodemus was irresistible, and the -house was always full of women, and whenever he -went out he was followed by a herd of them. Mrs. -Martin was jealous, Mr. Bly sulked and Mr. Nicodemus -had a busy time placating indignant husbands -and lovers. Not a house in Tib street but -was in a state of upheaval. The men sought consolation -in drink, and presently there was hardly one -who had retained his work.</p> - -<p>“We are getting on,” said Mr. Nicodemus. -“We are getting on. In the good old times men -left their work to follow me, and it used to be a favourite -device of mine to make their work seem so -repulsive to them that they preferred thieving or -fighting or even suffering to it. If we end as we -have begun, then Jah will be as isolated as you and -I have been.”</p> - -<p>And he chuckled in triumph and bussed Mrs. Martin.</p> - -<p>“That,” said she, “reminds me of Martin; and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_170">[170]</span> -he was a oner, he was. That’s worth anything to -me.”</p> - -<p>With that the good creature bustled off to arrange -for a week’s charing to keep her lodgers in food.</p> - -<p>Shortlived, however was the triumph of Mr. -Nicodemus, for, with the women neglecting their -homes and the men their work, the children sickened -and died, and no day passed but two or three little -coffins were taken to the cemetery. And in their -grief the women remembered Jah, and went to -church to appease His wrath. The men were sobered -and returned to work, but at wages punitively -reduced, so that their last state was worse than their -first, for the women were now devoted to Jah and -the children were empty and their bellies were -pinched.</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly cursed Jah. The sight of the little -coffins being taken out of Tib Street reminded him -of his own children and he went near mad and -vowed that Jah was taking them because He was a -jealous God, one who had taken Hell from the devil -and their children from men in the purblindness of -His fury.</p> - -<p>And he began to preach at the corner of Tib -Street.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_171">[171]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">VIII: MR. BLY’S SERMON</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">He</span> said:</p> - -<p>“There are many filthy streets in this town, but -this is the filthiest. Who made it filthy? Jah! It -is the nature of man to love his wife and his children, -to dwell with them in peace and loving-kindness. -But for all his love, wherewith shall a man feed his -wife and children? What clothing shall he give -them? What shelter find for them? Go you into -this street and look into the houses. You will find -crumbling walls, broken stairs, windows stuffed with -clouts: you will find bare shelves and cupboards: you -will find dead children with never so much as a whole -shroud among them. You will say that perhaps -they are better dead, but I say unto you that if a -man’s children be dead wherewith shall he feed his -love? And without a full love in his heart how -shall a man work or live or die? Are we born only -to die? And if life ends in death what matters it -how life be lived? But, I say unto you, that because -life ends in death a man must see to it that all his -days are filled with love, which is beauty, which is -truth. And I say unto you when your eyes are filled -and bleeding with the pain of the sights you shall see -here, go out into the fields and to the hills and the -great waters and see the sun rise and shed his light<span class="pagenum" id="Page_172">[172]</span> -and go down and cast his light upon the moon, and -draw vapour from the earth and bring it again in the -rain; and feel the wind upon your faces, and see the -sodden air hang upon the earth until the coming of -the storm to cleanse its foulness: and do you mark -the flight of the birds, the nesting of the birds, the -happy fish in the waters, the slow beasts in the fields: -observe the growth of trees and plants, and grasses -and corn. Then you shall know the richness of love -among the creatures that know not Jah. They die -and are visited with sickness even as we, but theirs is -a free life and a free death unconfined by any sickness -of the mind or tyranny of Gods and Demons. -We alone among creatures are cheated of our desires -and perish for the want of food amid plenty, and are -cut off each from his full share of the abounding love -of the world. Who takes our share? Jah! Who -kills our love? Jah! Who filches the best of our -thoughts, the keenest sap of our courage? Who -fills our lives and homes with darkness and despair, -and meanness and emptiness? Jah! I know not -who Jah is, nor whence He came, but I will dethrone -Him.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_173">[173]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">IX: THE EFFECT OF MR. BLY’S -SERMON</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Street</span> oratory was at that time very common, but -there was a note in Mr. Bly’s eloquence which attracted -many of the inhabitants of the district, especially -the young, and he achieved a certain fame. -No one knew exactly what he was talking about, for, -except for expletive purposes, the word Jah had -dropped out of the vernacular. Mr. Bly was assumed -to be some kind of politician, and he was certainly -more exciting than most. Therefore his audiences -were twice as large as those of any other -speaker. Seeing this, a Labour Agitator came to -him and offered him a place on his committee and a -pound a week as a lecturer.</p> - -<p>“I can speak about nothing but Jah,” said Mr. -Bly.</p> - -<p>“Speak about anything you like so long as you -catch their ears,” said the agitator.</p> - -<p>So Mr. Bly accepted the offer.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">X: THE WIDOW MARTIN</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">When</span> Mr. Bly told his infernal companion of his -engagement Mr. Nicodemus said:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_174">[174]</span>“Talking is a very human way of creating a disturbance. -My way and Jah’s way is the way of -corruption. We unseat the mind and poison the -soul with unsatisfiable desires. But if you wish it I -will go with you. We have lit a fire in Tib Street -that will burn itself out without us.”</p> - -<p>“I should like your company,” replied Mr. Bly. -“It helps me to be reminded that Jah has been unjust -to more than human beings. It redoubles my -fury and kindles my eloquence. I am determined to -earn my pound a week and drive Jah out of the -land.”</p> - -<p>The devil began to draw on his shabby fur coat. -Mrs. Martin had been listening to their conversation. -She burst in upon them and vowed that her -Nick should never, never leave her. With horrible -callousness Mr. Nicodemus told her that he was -pledged to Mr. Bly, and asked her for his tail. She -refused to give it up, and was so stubborn that, at -last, after they had argued with her, and pleaded -and stormed, and bribed and bullied, she said she -would produce his tail if she might go with them; -and they consented, for Mr. Nicodemus said that if -he were ever returned to power he would be in need -of his tail, and indeed would be a ridiculous object -without it, his system of damnation being supported -by tradition and symbol and ritual.</p> - -<p>They had a merry supper-party, and that night<span class="pagenum" id="Page_175">[175]</span> -took train for the town appointed for Mr. Bly’s first -appearance on a political platform.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XI: MAKING A STIR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Where</span> other politicians dealt in statistics, which, -after all, are but an intellectual excitement, a kind -of mental cats’-cradle, our orator sounded three -notes: he appealed to a man’s love of women, his -love of children, and led his audience on to hatred of -Jah. To the first two they responded, were persuaded -that they were as he said, cheated and betrayed, -and, though they could not follow him further -without losing their heads, they lost them and -were filled with hatred. And as Mr. Bly never -made any reference either to Government or Opposition -his speeches were reported in the newspapers -on both sides, and aroused the greatest interest -through the country. The well-to-do found breakfast -insipid without his utterances, and, to support -him, they subscribed largely to the funds of the organisation -which promoted his efforts. His salary -was raised to two pounds a week on the day when a -Conservative organ published his portrait and a -leading article on the golden sincerity of the Working -Classes.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_176">[176]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XII: MAKING A STIRABOUT</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Where</span> other orators damned everything from sewing -cotton to battleships, and so could not avoid -giving offence, Mr. Bly damned only Jah and hurt -nobody’s feelings. But he produced an effect. He -laid every grievance at Jah’s door, and roused so -much enthusiasm that at last he began to believe in -his power.</p> - -<p>It is not often that the people find a leader, and -when they do they expect him to lead. They were -impatient for Mr. Bly to reveal to them a line of action, -and here he was puzzled. It was one thing -(he found) to talk about Jah, another to bring Jah -to book. He had no other machinery than that of -the Labour Agitators, who had been making elaborate -preparations for a strike. Their preparations -were excellent, but their followers were reluctant. -They could provide them with no adequate motive. -In vain did they talk of the dawn of Labour, the -Rights of the Worker, and a Place in the Sun; to all -these the people preferred the prospect of pay on -Saturday. Nothing could stir them, until, at last, -at one of Mr. Bly’s meetings when he was being -hailed as a leader and implored to lead, and at his -wit’s end what to do, upon a whisper from behind, -he said:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_177">[177]</span>“Strike! Strike against Jah! You are workers! -Why do you work? To feed your children. -Your children die. Strike, I say, strike while the -iron is hot, the iron that has entered into your souls -from the cruel tyranny of Jah! There is no other -enemy. You have no other foe....”</p> - -<p>He did not need to say more. The fat was in the -fire.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIII. SPARKS FLYING</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> fat crackled and sputtered. In thirty-six -hours the business of the town was at a standstill, -and by that time Mr. Bly had visited three other -towns, and they too succumbed to his passion. At -every town he visited he was welcomed with brass -bands and red carpets, and his orders were obeyed. -The Labour Agitators of the neighbouring countries -desired his services and cabled for him, and he promised -to go as soon as Jah was driven out of Fatland.</p> - -<p>The strikes were begun in feasting and merrymaking, -and things were done that delighted Mr. -Nicodemus and the widow Martin’s heart:</p> - -<p>“The men are becoming quite themselves again.”</p> - -<p>And Mr. Nicodemus gazed upon it all and sighed:</p> - -<p>“Ah! If only Hell were open!”</p> - -<p>The widow Martin gazed upon him voluptuously -and muttered:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_178">[178]</span>“It would be just ’Eaven to keep that public -you’re always talking about for ever and ever with -you.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIV: SMOULDERING</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> strikers soon came to grips with want and the -very poor were brought to starvation. Only the -more fiercely for that did their passion glow. They -forgot all about Mr. Bly and Jah: they were only -determined not to give in. They knew not wherefore -they were fighting, and were savagely resolved -not to return to their old ways without some palpable -change. Forces and emotions had been -stirred which led them to look for a miracle, and -without the miracle they preferred to die. The -miracle did not come and many of them died.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XV: SUCCOUR</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">With</span> a moderate but assured income the Fattish -are humane, that is to say, they grope like shadows -through life and shun the impenetrable shadow of -death. They shuddered to think of the very poor -dying with their eyes gazing forward for the miracle -that never came, and they said:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_179">[179]</span>“To think of their finding no miracle but death! -It is too horrible. Can such things be in Fatland? -Why don’t we do something?”</p> - -<p>So they formed committees and wrote to the -newspapers and started various funds; and they invited -Mr. Bly to lecture in aid of them.</p> - -<p>He came to Bondon, lectured, and became the -fashion. He discovered to his amazement that -there were rich people in Fatland, and these rich -people formed Anti-Jah societies. Enormous sums -of money were collected for the strikers, because -the rich were so delighted to be amused. Mr. Bly -amused them enormously. Mr. Nicodemus gave a -course of lectures on the Kingdom from which Jah -had deposed him, and Mrs. Martin held meetings for -women only, to expound her views of men. For -years the rich people had not been so vastly entertained, -and they poured out money for the strikers.</p> - -<p>Unfortunately their subscriptions could buy little -else for the very poor but coffins, and of them the -supply soon came to an end.</p> - -<p>Famine and pestilence stalked abroad, but only -the more fiercely did Mr. Bly urge the destruction -of Jah, and the more blindly and desperately did the -starving poor of Fatland look for the miracle.</p> - -<p>But soon not only were the poor starving, but the -comfortable, the tradespeople, the professional -classes, the humane persons with moderate but assured<span class="pagenum" id="Page_180">[180]</span> -incomes were faced with want. Rats were -now five shillings a brace, and a nest of baby mice -was known to fetch four shillings.</p> - -<p>When the rich found their meals were costing -them more than a pound a head then they forgot -their craze and Mr. Bly, and Mr. Nicodemus and -the widow Martin withdrew from Bondon. Mr. -Bly was no longer reported in the newspapers. His -name had become offensive, the bloom had gone -from his novelty, the varnish from his reputation, -and the sting out of his power.</p> - -<p>In all the towns gaunt spectre-like men began to -sneak back to work, and Mr. Bly was nigh frenzied -with rage, disgust and despair.</p> - -<p>“It is Jah!” he said. “It is Jah. He has crept -into the hearts of men. He has stirred their minds -against me. Oh! my grief. He has used me to -bring men lower yet, so that they will live in viler -dwellings, and eat of fouler food, and be more -meanly clad, more verminous than ever. The -women will be lower sluts and shrews than they have -ever been, and of their children it will be hard to -see how they can ever grow into men and women. -Deeper and deeper into the pit has Jah brought us, -and there is now no hope.”</p> - -<p>And in his agony he remembered how in his childhood -he had been taught to pray to Jah, and he -knelt and prayed that he might come face to face<span class="pagenum" id="Page_181">[181]</span> -with Jah, to tell Him what He had done, and to implore -Him to make an end of His cruelty and to destroy -all at once.</p> - -<p>Hearing him pray Mr. Nicodemus fled from his -side and left him alone with the Widow Martin. -Said she:</p> - -<p>“Don’t take on so, dearie. A man’s no call to -take on so when he has a woman by his side. -There’s nothing else in the nature of things, but men -and women only. If we starve, we starve: and if -we die, we die, it’s all one. Have done, I say, -there’s always room for a bit o’ fun.”</p> - -<p>“Fun!” cried Mr. Bly.</p> - -<p>And the comfortable creature took his head to -her bosom, and there he sobbed out his grief.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVI: ON THE ROAD</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">So</span> the strike ended, and Nicholas Bly walked from -town to town marking its effects. It was as he had -foreseen, and men were lower than before, and -every night he prayed that he might meet Jah to -curse Him to His face. For days on end he would -utter never a word, but the widow Martin stayed -with him and saw that he ate and drank, stealing, -begging, wheedling, selling herself to get him food. -She would say:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_182">[182]</span>“It’s not like Mr. Nicodemus. There’s very -little fun in him, but a woman doesn’t care for fun -when she’s sorry for a man.”</p> - -<p>He was a grim sight now, was Nicholas Bly. His -ragged clothes hung and flapped on him as on a -scarecrow. His cheeks were sunken and patched -with a dirty grey stubble. His eyes glared feverishly -out of red sockets, and they seemed to see -nothing but to be asking for a sight of something. -There was a sort of film on them, but the light in the -man shone through it. His shoulders were bowed -and his thin arms hung limply by his side, but always -his face was upturned, and he shook as he walked, -like a flame.</p> - -<p>The malady in him drove him to the heights. -His desire was to be near the sky. Presently he -forsook the towns and went from one range of hills -to another seeking the highest in Fatland.</p> - -<p>At last after many days he reached the highest -hill, and there he lay flat on his face and would -neither eat nor drink. By his side sat the widow -Martin, and she made certain that he was going to -die, and produced two pennies to lay upon his eyelids -when death should come.</p> - -<p>On the third day he turned over on his back and -said:</p> - -<p>“Jah is coming.”</p> - -<p>And it was so.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_183">[183]</span>Up the steep path came a man with a great beard -and a huge nose and eyes that twinkled with the -light of merriment and shone with the tenderness of -irony, and blazed with the fire of genius. By his -side walked a slim dark figure, and with a joyful cry -the widow Martin declared it to be Mr. Nicodemus.</p> - -<p>Nicholas Bly sat up and began to rehearse all the -curses that in his bitterness he had prepared.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVII: JAH</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">He</span> began:</p> - -<p>“By the dead bodies of the children of men; by -the plagues and diseases of the bodies of women; -by the festering——”</p> - -<p>Very quietly Jah took His seat by his side and motioned -to Mr. Nicodemus to take up his position in -front of them. In a voice of the most musical -sweetness and with a rich full diction He said:</p> - -<p>“As we made the ascent I was expostulating with -my friend here for the absurdity of his attempt to -reinstate himself in the world. There is no Hell. -Neither is there a Heaven. These places live by -faith as we have done. It is a little difficult for us -to understand, but we have no occasion for resentment. -Separately it is impossible for us to understand. -My meeting with my dark friend here led<span class="pagenum" id="Page_184">[184]</span> -me a little way on the road towards a solution. The -four of us may arrive at something.”</p> - -<p>The widow Martin scanned Jah closely:</p> - -<p>“You’ve been a fine man in your time.”</p> - -<p>“I have never been a man,” replied Jah sadly. -“Nor have I been able to play my part in human affairs. -Like my friend here I have been an exile. I -have been forced to dwell in the mists of superstition, -even as he has been confined in the dark depths -of lust. Until now I never understood our interdependence. -I am the imagination of man. He is -man’s passion. Together we can bring about the -release of love in his soul. Separately we can do -nothing to break his folly, his stupidity, his brutality, -his vain selfishness. Without us he can be inquisitive -and clever, vigorous and energetic, but he remains -insensible, unjust, cruel and cowardly.”</p> - -<p>And Nicholas Bly roused himself and he seemed -to grow, and the film fell from his eyes and he cried:</p> - -<p>“Blessed be Jah, blessed be Nicodemus, blessed -be man and the heart of man, blessed be woman -and the love of woman, blessed be life, blessed be -death!”</p> - -<p>So saying he rose to his feet. Before his face the -sun was sinking in the evening glory: behind him the -moon rose.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_185">[185]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XVIII: JAH SPEAKS</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">A great</span> wind blew through Nicholas Bly’s hair and -he bowed his head in acceptance of the wonder of -the universe.</p> - -<p>As the moon rose to her zenith Jah said:</p> - -<p>“There are Wonders beyond me and God is beyond -imagination. My dwelling is in the mind of -men, but I have been driven therefrom. My friend -here should dwell in the heart of man, but he has -been unseated. Together we should win for man his -due share of the world’s dominion and power, and -should be his sweetest stops in the instrument of life. -For without us is no joy, and with us joy is fierce. -I speak, of the woman also, for she is the equal of -man and his comrade.”</p> - -<p>And as the moon was sinking to the west Jah said:</p> - -<p>“We have suffered too long, and we have brought -forth nothing. Let us no longer be separate, but -let us, man, woman, God and Devil, join together to -bring forth joy, for until there is joy on earth there -shall not be justice, nor kindness, nor understanding, -nor any good thing. We are but one spirit, for the -spirit is one, and none but the undivided spirit can -see the light of the sun.”</p> - -<p>Even as he spoke the sun came up in his majesty, -dwarfing the mighty hills, and Nicholas Bly raised<span class="pagenum" id="Page_186">[186]</span> -his head and saw Nicodemus in the likeness of a lusty -young man, fine and splendid in his desire, and Jah -in the shape of a winged boy. And as he saw them -they disappeared, and he said:</p> - -<p>“They have vanished into the air.”</p> - -<p>From the scarred hillside came an echo:</p> - -<p>“Into the air.”</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XIX: SONG</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Then</span> did Nicholas Bly sing:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="first">“I have lived, I have loved, I have died,</div> -<div class="indent">And my spirit has burned like a flame;</div> -<div class="verse">In the furnace of life my soul has been tried,</div> -<div class="indent">I have dwindled to ashes of shame.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">I have glowed to the winds of my own desire,</div> -<div class="indent">I have flickered and flared and roared,</div> -<div class="verse">Through the endless night has flashed my delight</div> -<div class="indent">To declare my joy in the Lord.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">For the Lord is life and I am His,</div> -<div class="indent">And His are my shame and my pride.</div> -<div class="verse">My song is His: my Lord sings this:</div> -<div class="indent">I have lived, I have loved, I have died.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_187">[187]</span></p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XX: MORNING</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">Waking</span>, the woman said:</p> - -<p>“How is it with you, my man?”</p> - -<p>He answered:</p> - -<p>“I feel truly that I am a man.”</p> - -<p>Gazing upon the woman, he saw that she was -beautiful.</p> - - -<h3 class="nobreak">XXI: HOPE</h3> - -<p><span class="smcap">They</span> came down from the hills, and a mist descended -upon them, and presently a driving rain. -They were glad of each other, and smiled their joy -upon all whom they met. Nicholas Bly never -ceased to make songs, and as he sang the woman -laughed merrily. The songs he made he sang to -many men, but none would listen except the drunken -man in the public-houses.</p> - -<p>One day a very drunken man asked Nicholas Bly -to sing a song again, and he refused, because he -wished to sing a better song. The man offered him -a mug of beer to sing again, but he refused, saying:</p> - -<p>“I do not sing for hire.”</p> - -<p>The man despised him and drank the beer himself, -saying:</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_188">[188]</span>“It’s a silly kind of sod will sing for nothing.”</p> - -<p>And he would hear no more.</p> - -<p>So it was everywhere. None could understand -that Nicholas Bly should sing for the delight of it or -that there could be a joy to set him singing. In the -end, and that soon, his heart broke and he died, and -Fatland is as it is.</p> - -<p>Mr. Nicodemus and Jah were never seen again, -nor in Fatland is there trace or memory of them.</p> - -<p>But within the womb of the woman was the child -of her man, so that she gazed in upon herself with -a great hope. In this she was so absorbed that the -insensibility of the Fattish moved her not at all and -she forgot to apply for her maternity benefit.</p> - - -<p class="center">THE END OF<br /> -WINDMILLS</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="transnote"> -<p class="ph1">TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:</p> - - - -<p>Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.</p> - -<p>Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been standardized.</p> - -<p>Archaic or variant spelling has been retained.</p> -</div></div> -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINDMILLS ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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