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If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Dr. Courtney's guide to happy marriage, Multum in parvo library, - vol. 1, no. 6, June, 1894 - -Author: Dr. Courtney - -Release Date: June 24, 2022 [eBook #68396] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Demian Katz, Craig Kirkwood, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (Images courtesy - of the Digital Library@Villanova University.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DR. COURTNEY'S GUIDE TO HAPPY -MARRIAGE, MULTUM IN PARVO LIBRARY, VOL. 1, NO. 6, JUNE, 1894 *** - - -Transcriber’s Note: - -Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_), and text -enclosed by equal signs is in bold (=bold=). - -An additional Transcriber’s Note is at the end. - - * * * * * - -Multum in Parvo Library. - -_Entered at Post Office as Second-Class matter._ - -Vol. I. JUNE, 1894. _Published Monthly._ No. 6. - - - - -Dr. Courtney’s Guide TO Happy Marriage. - - - _Smallest Magazine in the World. Subscription - price, 50 cts. per year. Single copies, 5 cents each._ - - PUBLISHED BY - A. B. COURTNEY, - 671 Tremont Street, Boston. - - * * * * * - -MARRIAGE GUIDE. - - - - -The Newly Wed. - - -We will suppose you have read and profited by the excellent suggestions -contained in an article published in a previous issue of this library, -under the head of “How to Woo, Win and Wed.” You have succeeded in -winning the object of your affections, and have set sail upon the sea -of matrimony. It is often called a troublous sea. Such indeed it proves -in truth to be for those who embark upon it not fully prepared for the -voyage. Do you really, married or unmarried, know the full meaning of -the word marriage. It is something far more serious than a mere civil -contract or religious ceremony. These are only the marks of outward -show. There is a good deal behind these--a good deal that you ought -to know, and of which, perchance, you are ignorant. The aim of this -article is to give some practical advice to those who have already -entered into the bonds of matrimony, and it will not, it is hoped, come -amiss to those about to marry, but who have not yet taken the step that -leads to misery or bliss. “Marriage,” says Selden, “is a desperate -thing; the frogs in Æsop were extremely wise; they had a great mind to -some water, but they would not leap into the well, because they could -not get out again.” Would that most of us possessed the wisdom of the -fabled frogs. - - - - -Purpose of Marriage. - - -Marriage ought to be consummated as the result of mutual love and -esteem, and not for the purpose of simply gratifying the desires of our -lower nature. This last consideration is, it must be acknowledged, a -controlling one with a great many people, and marriages contracted in -this manner are not generally, and cannot hope to be, happy ones. The -sacredness of the marriage relation ought never to be violated. We must -not forget that we are rational beings with a will to withstand the -weaknesses of our animal natures. - - - - -Happy and Unhappy Marriages. - - -A happy marriage is without doubt the ideal state of living, the end -for which mankind has always striven, while an unhappy marriage is a -veritable hell on earth. Examples of both of these states need not -be given. We see them every day. To one who reads the daily papers -regularly with particular note of the records of divorces, assaults -of drunken or jealous husbands, the faithlessness of women and the -elopements, the thought must present itself that there are more unhappy -marriages than happy ones. This, fortunately, is not true. Where we -read of one unhappy marriage and its terrible consequences there are -ten happy ones of which the world never hears. - -“Marriage,” writes Addison, “enlarges the scene of our happiness and -miseries.” - -“It is a mistake,” says another writer, “to consider marriage merely -as a scheme to happiness; it is also a bond of service, it is the most -ancient of that social ministration which God has ordained for all -human beings, and which is symbolized by all the relations of nature.” - -Still another writer says: “Married life appears to me a sort of -philosophical discipline, training persons to honorable duties, worthy -of the good and wise. Few unmarried people are affected as they ought -to be toward the public good, and perceive what are really the most -important objects in life.” - - - - -How to be Happy. - - -Those who wish to lead happy married lives cannot do better than to -follow a few rules which we present herewith. - -Husband and wife ought to maintain entire confidence in each other, -have no secrets each from the other; don’t quarrel; have forbearance -for each other’s failings; you have neither of you married an angel. -Remember, husband, that of every dollar you own, fifty cents belongs -to your wife; she is an equal partner with you in the business of -life; don’t compel her to become a mere household drudge, working for -her board and clothes; she did not marry you for that. Try to see the -good points of your husband or wife; don’t magnify the faults; we are -all only human; don’t have the first quarrel and the second will never -come. - - - - -Golden Precepts. - - -Let the rebuke be preceded by a kiss. - -Don’t require a request to be repeated. - -Never should both be angry at the same time. - -Be lovers all your life. Let the courtship be continued after marriage. - -Never neglect the other for all the world beside. - -Let each strive always to accommodate the other. - -Let the angry word be answered with a kiss. - -Bestow your warmest sympathies in each other’s trials. - -Criticize as little as possible, but if you find it necessary to -criticize, make your criticism in the most loving manner possible. - -Make no display of the sacrifices you make for each other. - -Never make remarks calculated to bring ridicule upon the other. - -Never deceive; confidence once lost can never be wholly regained. - -Always use the most loving and gentle words when addressing each other. - -Let each study what pleasure he can bestow upon the other during the -day. - -Always leave home with a tender good-bye and loving words. They may be -the last. - -Consult and advise together in all things. - -When you feel like quarrelling, discuss the whole thing together and -you will come to an amicable settlement. - -Never reproach the other, especially in the presence of others, for an -error which was committed with a good motive and with the best judgment -at the time. - -Don’t tell your friends the faults of your husband or wife. - - - - -The Duty of the Wife. - - -The wife’s place is in the home. That is her proper sphere of action, -and the one in which she ought to be most happy. - -Don’t devote time to society matters while your house duties need to be -done. Don’t spend your time in making clothes for some naked boys in -Dooloboo who do not need them, while your own children go about with -patched or torn clothing. - -Greet your husband with a smile on his return from work. - -Don’t scold your husband. - -Don’t think your husband ought to be perfect. Are you yourself perfect? - -Be careful and economical in the expenditure of money for household -purposes. (By the way, your husband ought to make you the treasurer of -the firm.) - -Always dress neatly for your husband’s sake. You used to do it before -marriage. Imagine your husband is still your lover. - -Treat your husband’s friends politely. This is an important part of -your wifely duty. - -Don’t spend money extravagantly for dress or other personal adornment. - - - - -The Husband’s Duty. - - -Don’t think the woman you have married is yours, body and soul. - -Don’t be niggardly in money matters. - -Don’t withhold from your wife your tender love and sympathy. Regard her -as your dear sweetheart all through life. Always treat her with tender -consideration. - -Don’t try to argue with her. A woman cannot reason; she is guided -rather by her womanly intuition, which is rarely at fault. - -Follow the counsel of your wife. Many a man has done so and succeeded. -Wisdom and foresight are possessed by women, as well as men. - -Let your wife understand fully your business. Don’t let her think you -are earning fifty dollars a week when you are earning only thirty -dollars, or vice versa. - -Give your wife all the pleasure you can. She needs it. - -Do not go about enjoying yourself with boon companions while your wife -toils at home. - -Don’t spend money for rum while your wife has to make over her old -dresses. - -If your wife is worthy of it (most wives are), praise her. Women like -praise. - -Women are not as strongly built as men, and are thus likely to be often -in delicate health. If so, your wife may be petulant and cross. Make -allowances for this and don’t scold her. - -Don’t interfere with your wife in the performance of the duties that -belong peculiarly to her. - -Give her money enough to dress well, even if you have to make -sacrifices to do so. - -Treat her mother with becoming respect. - - - - -Marrying for a Home. - - -A good many women are foolish enough and dishonorable enough to marry -merely for a home--foolish because they cannot expect such a marriage -to result happily, and dishonorable because they have deceived the man -they married. Love ought to be the basis of all marriages. - - - - -Joy and Pleasure. - - -A married life is not one of unalloyed bliss. We ought not to expect -this. It has its pains as well as its pleasures. As Margaret Fuller -says: “Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the marriage -state; look not therein for contentment greater than God will give, -or a creature in this world can receive, namely, to be free from all -inconveniences. Marriage is not, like the hill of Olympus, wholly clear -without clouds.” When misfortune comes to us, and all the rest of the -world deserts us, we have those at home to whom to look in certain -expectancy of sympathy and encouragement--wife and children. As John -Taylor says: “A married man falling into misfortune is more apt to -retrieve his situation in the world than a single one, chiefly because -his spirits are soothed and retrieved by domestic endearments, and -his self-respect kept alive by finding that, although all abroad be -darkness and humiliation, yet there is a little world of love at home -over which he is monarch.” - -A married man is more apt to labor for the good of all mankind, while -a single man is apt to be more selfish in his aims and endeavors. -The interests of a single man centre round himself, while those of a -married man embrace his whole family, and in a larger degree the whole -community. - - - - -Don’t Board. - - -If you are a newly-married couple, don’t board. Go to keeping house -as soon as possible. Don’t get married if you can’t do this. A young -woman ought to learn the duties and pleasures of housekeeping as soon -after marriage as possible. If she boards out, she has little to occupy -her time, and is apt to pass her days in reading silly novels, or to -fall into that terrible habit of gossiping. She ought to find pleasure -in working for her husband, and she can work for him best only in her -own home, preparing his meals and by the performance of other wifely -duties. As a mere boarder in somebody else’s home, she cannot do -this. There are many drawbacks and perplexities about housekeeping, -to be sure, but these ought to be met and contended with with a brave -spirit. In the end, having conquered, it will be found that the -pleasures far outweigh them. A woman ought to take pleasure in looking -after the home nest, and ought not to leave to some unsympathetic -boarding-housekeeper the task of preparing the daily meals for her -husband. - - - - -The Mother-in-Law. - - -A mother-in-law is often a blessing, but few will admit the truth of -this statement. Many men, however, have found her to be a ministering -angel in disguise. It is better, nevertheless, for the newly-married -couple to live by themselves, if possible, and not be under the sway of -a mother-in-law, or other relative, however kind and unselfish she or -they may be. They ought to strike out for themselves. A mother-in-law, -however good her intention may be (and no doubt her intentions are -always good), is pretty sure to prove meddlesome and dictatorial to a -greater or less degree, and end by being an element of discord in what -ought to be a happy home. You will find it better to paddle your own -canoe, even if you do not make very rapid or easy progress at first. - - - - -Marriage a Lottery. - - -Marriage has been called a lottery. Fortunately it is a lottery in -which there are a great many prizes. Let us give you this bit of advice -in regard to marriage as a lottery: Try to think that you have drawn -a prize. Thinking so will go a good way toward making the supposition -a pleasant reality. Never lose sight of this fact. If your husband or -wife does not come up to the high standard which you have hoped for, -try to stifle the disappointment. It might be worse. Start out well -on the sea of matrimony. “Many a marriage,” writes Frederika Bremer, -“has commenced like the morning, red, and perished like a mushroom. -Wherefore? Because the married pair neglected to be as agreeable to -each other after their union as they were before it. Seek always to -please each other; lavish not your love to-day; remember that marriage -has a morrow, and again a morrow.” Another writer on the same subject -wisely says: “The happiness of married life depends on a power of -making small sacrifices with readiness and cheerfulness. Few persons -are ever called upon to make great sacrifices or to confer great -favors; but affection is kept alive, and happiness secured, by keeping -up a constant warfare against little selfishness.” - - - - -Jealousy. - - -It is said that jealousy is an unmistakable sign of true love. We are -supposed to be jealous of those whom we most dearly love. There may -be some truth in this assertion, but we incline rather to think that -it is open to dispute. Only the weakest are the most jealous. But the -“green-eyed” monster has caused too much misery to treat the matter -lightly. Where mutual love and respect and perfect confidence exist, -and where the married parties are sensible, intellectual people, -jealousy rarely exists. Jealousy, such as that which is said to be -an infallible sign of true love, is exhibited chiefly by silly young -women, married and single, who have no serious grounds for suspicion -against the object toward which their jealousy is directed. If you -are of an incurably jealous disposition, never marry any one of the -opposite sex who is good looking. This will only add fuel to the fires -of your jealousy. Marry a homely person--the homelier the better--one -who is not likely to receive undesirable attentions from the opposite -sex after marriage. But the best advice of all is don’t be jealous. Be -sensible. Nine times out of ten you have no real cause for jealousy -after all. To be jealous of your husband or wife implies that you -have married a partner who cannot be trusted. Have you married such a -person? Probably not. Then why be jealous? - - - - -Mental and Physical Exercise. - - -People in ill health cannot be expected to be happy whether they are -married or single. In order to preserve the health of mind and body, -the laws of health, as regards pure air, exercise, food, drink, etc., -must be rigidly followed. - -Exercise is one of the best means of preserving health. Care must be -taken, however, that the exercise be of a kind and amount suitable to -the needs of each person. Recreation, or a change of occupation (but -never idleness), is sufficient exercise for some people. But there -is little recreation in a game of chess, for instance, in the case -of a man employed in a counting-room all day. His exercise should be -taken out of doors, and be such as to free the mind from the exactions -of business. The wealthy idler will find health in industry of some -kind. Horseback riding is beneficial for those engaged in sedentary -occupations, such as bookkeeping, office-work, etc. Walking is the -best kind of exercise of all, and the most easily obtainable. Bicycle -riding, too, is very good; so are all open-air games when not indulged -in to excess. Dancing is an agreeable and healthy recreation for those -engaged in sedentary pursuits. Indeed, it is considered second to none. -One of the worse cases of consumption has been known to have been -cured by dancing, practised daily for many months. Horseback riding is -also very good for consumptives. Swimming is one of the best kinds of -exercise. - -All but babies have too little sleep. Everybody ought to get at -least eight hours’ sleep in a day. Insanity often results from want -of sleep. Always sleep on the right side, never on the back. Always -breathe through the nose when asleep or awake. Never have a fire in -your sleeping-room, unless you are an invalid. The need of cleanliness, -pure air, pure water, sunshine and a cheerful disposition, etc., are -too well known to need insisting upon here. These are necessary for -the preservation of health, and without health there can be no real -happiness. - - * * * * * - -The Art of Ventriloquism. - -[Illustration] - -This great book was written by the celebrated Frederic Maccabe, one of -the most famous of the world’s ventriloquists. Mr. Maccabe here clearly -shows that ventriloquism is not a natural gift, but that by training -and practice it may be acquired by any one, and it is certainly an -accomplishment well worth cultivating, for nothing will so amuse and -mystify a social gathering as the feats of the ventriloquist. He -appears to be a man of a dozen voices. In his natural tone of voice -he asks a question, and the answer appears to come from the depths of -the chimney in the weak accents of a little child. Again, we hear the -voice of an old man appearing to proceed from the roof of the building, -the distant barking of a dog, etc., etc. These wonderful imitations -are performed without the slightest movement of the lips, greatly -to the astonishment of the audience. Would you not like to acquire -this amusing and mystifying accomplishment? You can do so easily and -readily by studying the directions contained in this book, which is -the best and most complete instructor in the art of ventriloquism ever -published. It is a book of 64 large, double-column pages, bound in -attractive colored paper covers, and will be sent by mail post-paid -upon receipt of only =Ten Cents=. - - KEYSTONE BOOK CO., - Philadelphia, Pa. - - - - -How to Spoil the Boy. - - -Eight Every-Day Rules. - -If you want your gray hairs dishonored by a spoiled and ruined son, -adopt the following directions: - -1. Let him have plenty of spending money. - -2. Permit him to choose his own companions without restraint or -direction. - -3. Give him a latch key, and allow him to return home late in the -evenings. - -4. Make no inquiries as to where and with whom he spends - - -HIS LEISURE MOMENTS. - -5. Give him to understand that manners make a good substitute for -morality. - -6. Teach him to expect pay for every act of helpfulness to others. - -7. Allow him to occupy a seat in church with the boys rather than the -pew with his parents. - -8. Permit him to regard the Sunday school unsuitable for a boy on the -verge of young manhood. - - * * * * * - -Multum in Parvo Library. - -=No. 1. Book of Short Stories and Tid Bits.= - -=No. 2. How to Become a Lightning Calculator.= This book teaches you -how to add, subtract, divide and multiply instantaneously, and will -prove to be worth many dollars to you. - -=No. 3. Art of Love Making and Guide to Etiquette.= This book is just -what is needed by every young man or woman. - -=No. 4. Prize Cook Book.= A collection of choice and well-tested -cooking recipes. - -=No. 5. Mormonism Exposed.= An explanation of the mysterious rites of -the Danites or “Latter Day Saints,” polygamy, etc., by a Mormon slave -wife. Story of Mountain Meadow Massacre. - -=No. 6. Marriage Manual.= If you are married, or expect to be, you -should not fail to get this most important book. - -=No. 7. Dr. Parkhurst’s Exposures.= This little volume tells about the -raids of the celebrated reformer in the dens of iniquity in New York. A -thrilling narrative. - -=No. 8. How to Get Rich.= A guide to rapid wealth. Contains very -valuable secrets, never before seen in print. - -=No. 9. Secrets of the Harem.= This book is written by a woman who has -been there. It tells of the beautiful captive women of the Sultan’s -seraglios. - -=No. 10. Guide to Fortune Telling and Dream Book.= By the celebrated -Mme. LeNormand. - -=No. 11. Book of Detective Stories.= Thrilling adventures and triumph -of skill. - -=No. 12. Book of Brief Narratives=, never before published. Very -interesting. - -=SPECIAL OFFER=: We have on hand a quantity of back numbers, as above -mentioned, and will send any that you may select at the reduced price -of one cent each. Send stamps in payment. - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Note: - -Punctuation has been made consistent. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DR. COURTNEY'S GUIDE TO HAPPY -MARRIAGE, MULTUM IN PARVO LIBRARY, VOL. 1, NO. 6, JUNE, 1894 *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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