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diff --git a/old/68384-0.txt b/old/68384-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 982d7ad..0000000 --- a/old/68384-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1277 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Philistine: a periodical of -protest (Vol. I, No. 4, September 1895), by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 4, September - 1895) - -Author: Various - -Release Date: June 23, 2022 [eBook #68384] - -Language: English - -Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at - https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images - made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL -OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 4, SEPTEMBER 1895) *** - - - - - - - The Philistine - A Periodical of Protest. - - _I have peppered two of them: two I’m sure I have - paid, two rogues in buckram._—KING HENRY IV. - - [Illustration: No. Four.] - - Printed Every Little While - for The Society of The Philistines - and Published by - Them Monthly. Subscription, - One Dollar Yearly - Single Copies, 10 Cents. September, 1895. - - - - -The Philistine. - -Edited by H. P. Taber. - - - - -CONTENTS FOR SEPTEMBER, 1895. - - - The Birth of the Flower. John Northern Hilliard - - A Notable Work. Elbert Hubbard - - The Manners Tart. Clara Cahill Park - - A Matter of Background. William McIntosh - - In Slippery Places. W. - - A Lantern Song. Stephen Crane - - The Rubaiyat of O’Mara Khayvan. W. M. - - Notes. - -THE PHILISTINE is published monthly at $1 a year, 10 cents a single -copy. Subscriptions may be left with newsdealers or sent direct to the -publishers. - -Business communications should be addressed to THE PHILISTINE, East -Aurora, New York. Matter intended for publication may be sent to the same -address or to Box 6, Cambridge, Massachusetts. - -_Entered at the Postoffice at East Aurora, New York, for transmission as -mail matter of the second class._ - -_COPYRIGHT, 1895, by H. P. Taber._ - - - - -THE PHILISTINE. - - NO. 4. September, 1895. VOL. 1. - - - - -THE BIRTH OF THE FLOWER. - - - In the Beginning, God, the Great Workman, - Fashioned a seed; - Cunningly wrought it from waste-stuff left over - In building the stars; - Then, in the dust and the grime of His Workshop, - He rested and pondered— - Then, with a smile, flung the animate atom - Far into space. - - As the seed fell through the blue of the heavens - Down to the world, - Wind, the Great Gardener, seized it in triumph - And bore it away; - Then, at a sign of the Master, who made it, - He planted the seed:— - Thus into life sprang the first of the flowers - On earth. - - —JOHN NORTHERN HILLIARD. - - - - -A NOTABLE WORK. - - -In Mr. Cudahy’s remarkable book entitled _The Pawns of Chance_ there are -Sixteen Women who Did. Its sure success is prophesied on this account, -for of the five novels that have made ten-strikes during the past year -each has contained at least One Woman who Did, and in two instances -Several. - -And right here, before referring further to Mr. Cudahy’s book, I wish to -place on file a modest word of protest concerning the modern sex novel. - -Just now the stage and story-book seem to vie with one another in putting -on parade the Men and Women who Did for the delectation of those who Have -or May. The motif in all these books and plays is to depict the torturing -emotions that wring and tear the hearts of these unhappy mortals. The -Camp of Philistia does not boast that there are in it no People who Did, -neither do we deny the reality of the heartaches and tears that come from -unrequited love and affection placed not wisely. But from a somewhat -limited experience in wordily affairs I arise to say that life does not -consist entirely in these things, and furthermore that the importance -given to the Folks who Have is quite out of proportion to their proper -place with the procession. There are yet loves that are sweet and -wholesome; there are still ambitions that are manly and strong. Let’s -write and talk of these. - -But still even in spite of a morbid plot and many incidents that are -rather bluggy, Mr. Cudahy has produced a work that probably will outsell -any of the other volumes issued by Chicago’s Enterprising Decadent -Publishers. This book has a few positive virtues. Evidently it is a -collaboration. I think the author has employed some exceptionally bright -apprentices and like Dumas the Elder, Mr. Cudahy is to be congratulated -on the rare discrimination shown in choosing his help. In literature, as -in commerce or war, much depends on selecting one’s aides: every good -general must be properly reinforced. - -The prospectus of _The Pawns of Chance_ describes the binding of the book -as “a symphony in pig-skin.” And the volume is certainly very pleasing -to the eye. The paper is hand-made—deckle edge; the illustrations and -etchings on Japan paper; and the portrait of the author that serves as -frontispiece is a genuine work of art. - -The space in THE PHILISTINE at my disposal will not admit of an extended -criticism, so I will briefly trace the plot, and make a few casual -remarks on the more important situations, trusting that my readers will -procure the work and each read for himself. For while its faults are -many, yet there are here and there redeeming features, and in the moral -at the close is a suggestion that is worth one’s while. - -Now for the story: - -James Hunks, known on the bills as Signor De June, was in 1875 proprietor -of a Ballet Troupe. The corps de ballet consisted of sixteen ladies who -were personally selected by Signor De June, and trained by him so that -they performed some very wonderful terpsichorean evolutions. Eight of -these women were blondes and eight brunettes. Surprising to state, none -were over thirty and none under twenty years of age. But they were all -Women who Did—that is to say, Ladies with a Past. - -Not that they were selected on this account; indeed, Signor De June -did not interest himself in their Experiences—he only wanted form and -intellect—but mostly form. Yet a coryphee must have brains, else she -could not learn to conduct her airy shape through the mazy evolutions of -the dance. - -But it came about by degrees that Signor De June learned that all of his -ladies were Ladies with a History. And being a philosopher, he reasoned -it out that the ballet was the only respectable calling that was open to -a woman who had been the victim of misplaced love. Such is the bitter -cruelty of a sham-virtuous society. - -And thus on page 141 Signor De June muses as follows: “Had my ladies been -possessed of homely faces and crusty manners, no temptation could have -come to them, and they would all have lived and died virtuous maidens; or -at best been the contented (or discontented) wives of farmers, molders, -bricklayers or mill hands. But being loving and gracious and sympathetic -and withal beautiful, they have been unfortunate. Furthermore no woman -should ever speak of her virtue unless she hates her husband and loves -another man.” - -So Signor De June was very kind and gentle with these ladies—aye! tender. -He loved them all; he guarded and shielded them from every fierce -temptation. It was a pure paternal love—more properly Platonic. He only -wished to make them happy—that was all. - -They gave exhibitions in the principal cities of the United States and -were everywhere successful. Occasionally a husband or a former lover of -one of these Women who Did would appear upon the scene, and whenever this -happened the Signor, who was a large man and ambi-dextrous, would take -the offender neck and crop and throw him out. This always cooled the most -amorous follower, but it kept Signor De June quite busy. Yet it must -not be thought that the Signor was brutal—far from it: all were welcome -to worship his ladies, but it must be done from the parquette or dress -circle. - -So they were all very prosperous and very happy, until one day the wife -of Signor De June appeared and camped upon his trail. He had gotten an -Indiana divorce from this woman five years before, but the courts had -pronounced it invalid, and now she was upon him neck and crop, just as he -had been upon the lovers and husbands. He tried to explain to her that -he loved the Corps de Ballet, not the ladies individually. He loved them -as a Whole, not singly. Moreover, his love was idyllic—Platonic. The -wife explained that the thing did not exist except in books, and further -stated her belief that the love was Plutonic if anything; and moreover it -must cease. - -No doubt the woman really loved Mr. Hunks. He, too, had a little regard -for her, although they quarrelled. But he was essentially commercial—a -man of peace. He had no stomach for a legal battle with his wife’s -attorneys, who had taken the case on speculation, and he could not run -away. The woman utterly refused to be bought off for a reasonable sum, -and she also declined joining the Ballet herself, in spite of De June’s -assertions that he could love seventeen as well as sixteen, for in love -capacity increases through use. - -“Try it for a month and you will see that it is Platonic,” said De June. - -“I’ve no doubt I’d find it so,” said the wife. - -She still was firm. He must choose between her and the Troupe. If he -chose the Troupe he’d have her, like the poor, always with him. If he -chose her alone she would still resemble the poverty stricken; but there -would come times when vigilance might relax and he could slip a way. - -But what to do with the Troupe! He could not throw these beautiful, -susceptible women on a struggling, seething, wicked world. He could not -put them on a farm, for who would look after, correct, discipline and -restrain them as he had done? If allowed to scatter they would marry, and -marriage according to civilized methods, so-called, was a failure; had he -not tried it? - -But De June was a man of resource (he was from Chicago). They were in -Denver and women were scarce. He would select husbands for his ladies, -himself. - -He did so, choosing sixteen strong fine young miners. Calling the men out -one side, he made known to them his plan. Each man was to have a wife -on payment of the trifling fee of two hundred dollars “matriculation” -(_Sic_). The men were delighted—but had the ladies been consulted? No, -that was not necessary—there was to be a return to primitive methods, -which indeed were ever best: civilization was artificial, unnatural and -corrupt. - -These sixteen ladies were all of fair intelligence, good hearted, able to -work, willing to obey. More than that they had great capacity for loving, -for had not this excess of love been their misfortune? The love only -needed proper direction, like all of our other gifts. - -The sixteen gentlemen that the philosophic De June selected were of fair -intelligence, healthy and good natured, prosperous and all men of fine -physique. There was no choice in the men; there was no choice in the -women; they were on the same intellectual plane—they were well mated -and De June would not defeat the God of Chance by allowing any personal -selection. One man offered a thousand dollars for first choice, but Mr. -Hunks was a man of honor and could not be bought. - -The gentlemen were to be in the parquette. When the ladies appeared on -the stage, at the word “Go” from De June, the sixteen men were to make a -rush for the stage and each seize his future wife. All after the manner -of the Romans who captured the Sabine women—and I guess the Roman Nation -is not to be sneezed at! Cæsar, Antony, Brutus and all the rest of those -honorable men were products of just such marriages. - -The rush was made—the women screamed, some fainted, but each man held -his prize. The electric lights were turned off, the audience got out as -best it could. Then the doors were locked, the curtain dropped and Signor -De June stepped forward and in gentle words assured the sixteen ladies -that no harm should come to them. All had been arranged for the best. -They must be good honest wives, and the men must be good honest husbands, -and Mr. Hunks, being a Justice of the Peace, declared them all man and -wife—that is sixteen wives and sixteen husbands. - -The women, it must be confessed, had grown a trifle weary of the De June -Idyllic Plan; and in the good old-fashioned womanly way, oft in the night -season, each had confessed in her own heart, that one loving husband for -each woman was what Nature intended. So they accepted the situation, -and each began to use those winning ways that Herbert Spencer says are -woman’s weapons: woman conquers through her intuition. - -At a word from De June the women repaired to their dressing rooms and -soon appeared in customary feminine attire. This time the ladies had to -pick their mates, for the change in dress greatly mystified the hirsute -miners. There was a slight scramble among the ladies when three of them -selected the same man, but the Signor soon brought order out of chaos. -This scene, which occurs in chapter XXXIII, is quite dramatic. - -All being amicably settled De June gave each woman a chaste kiss on the -cheek, shook hands with the grateful miners and went sorrowfully back -(with his $3,200.00) to the hotel where his Mary Jane sat up awaiting him. - -That night Mr. Hunks and his wife left for Chicago. There he went into -real estate and was very successful. Having resolved to face his fate, -he treated Mary Jane as gently as he could and she repaid it all in -kindness. So things were really not so bad as the Signor had imagined. - -Ten years passed and Mr. Hunks went back to Denver and found that the -sixteen couples were living happily. Many little pledges had appeared to -cement the bonds. All were content and perfectly mated, although several -of the men were a bit henpecked—but a man soon gets used to such things. -(See page 491, line 16). The women having had Experience were resolved to -hold their new found mates with love’s own bonds; and the men fearing to -lose such beautiful treasures were ever kind. There was a little doubt in -the minds of all concerning De June’s commission as Justice of the Peace, -and then certain requirements of the divorce courts had not been fully -met, but these irregularities put all on their good behavior. For it is -a fact that if a mortal knows that his mate cannot get away he is often -severe and unreasonable. - -And the curious part of all this is that the story is true. Mr. Cudahy -protests it on his honor, and declares that these sixteen worthy couples -laid the foundation for the elite of Denver society, and are now the -leading lights in that beautiful city. - -The story is somewhat marred by such ungrammatical expressions as “has -came,” “shouldn’t ought,” etc. There are also a needless number of French -and Latin phrases, culled from a lexicon I fear, and a striving after -Latin derivatives. It is also a pity that more pains was not taken with -the proof reading, as exasperating errors are on nearly every page. Still -these are minor points. - -In the last four chapters there is considerable symbolism, which one -cannot but wish had been put in plain English. Like Zangwill’s _The -Master_, the moral is left for the last. It is a little clouded, but I -take it that Mr. Cudahy believes that civilization’s plan of selection -is very faulty. He suggests indirectly that Congress should appoint -Matrimonial Commissioners for each district—men of discretion, experience -and judgment. The Commissioner is to select from society sixteen -marriageable young women and place them in a room, and then take a like -number of young men and let them make a rush, and this, says Mr. Cudahy, -would doubtless do away with many of our matrimonial misfits. - -Lovers of literature will look anxiously for Mr. Cudahy’s next book, -and in the meantime I am sure that the Young Decadents will reap a rich -harvest from _The Pawns of Chance_. I am in receipt of a letter from the -distinguished author wherein he says that he is positively declining all -invitations to lecture in the provinces, but that he may appear late in -the season in a few of our principal cities. - -It may interest the Philistines to know that R. G. Dun & Co. rate Mr. -Cudahy Z Z xxx 1, while Hobart Chatfield-Chatfield Taylor is only Y x 2 -3·4 and Mrs. Reginald De Koven ranks K x 4. At the present moment I can -recall but two residents of Grub Street who have ratings so high as Mr. -Cudahy, these being William Waldorf Astor and Walter Blackburn Harte. - - ELBERT HUBBARD. - - - - -THE MANNERS TART. - - -An old and worn out Tart once sat on the pantry shelf and as it dried and -stiffened, thus it soliloquized: “In my youth men fought over me, not to -possess me, but that each should pass me to his neighbor. - -“I was a fair Tart, greatly to be prized, but the manners of all were -such that I was left alone on the table, the last of my kind, the -Manners Tart, and they all withdrew, feigning indifference. - -“The cook, having made many of my brethren, cared not for me, so I, -created to rejoice the soul of man, sit here, a cold and cheerless thing -at which the rats gnaw nightly. - -“There was a little boy at the table, but why speak of him? He stretched -out his hand for me, but detecting a slight frown between the eyebrows of -his mother, he withdrew it and my chance was gone. - -“The little boy was the only one that sympathized with me; he knew that a -Tart is short lived at best; that the only modest ambition of a Tart is -to gladden some one in life and to overhear a few words of praise as it -passes away. - -“But alas! I am a failure, and all because I move in a circle that makes -a merit of self-sacrifice. I do not understand such things, but——” -here a pang of mold struck to the Tart’s heart and it relapsed into -unconsciousness. - -If it had understood it would have said—“there are many joys in the world -that die unrejoiced over because no man will have the courage to do what -he wants to do.” - - CLARA CAHILL PARK. - -DETROIT, August, 1895. - - - - -A MATTER OF BACKGROUND. - - -If the war in the extreme East just ended has done no more for humanity, -it has demonstrated the unfitness in these days of a nation that has no -perspective. Philosophers we have had, and eke reformers, who saw no -farther than their noses. But here is a great people whose polity is -exclusive, whose art recognizes no relation of distance, whose social -code is rigidly formal and openly mercenary, whose methods in war -consisted up to a late date of noise and stenches and hideous banners -designed to frighten an enemy. With rare powers of detail, the art of -China is lifeless and without spirituality or suggestive force. With -centuries of training in literary industry, its lore is the elaborate -repetition of didactic sayings thousands of years old. There is no -background in its pictures. There is no constructive basis in its social -theory. All is flat surface, repression, imitation. Yet here is the -oldest nation in the world in continuous history. We need not wonder it -has fallen at last. The marvel is that it stood so long. The student of -history may well ask what has held back destroying hands through so many -centuries of the world’s unrest. - -Lack of a sense of proportion and distance is not peculiar, however, to -Orientals. Even in the light of western civilization philosophers have -forgotten yesterday and to-morrow, and the foreground has usurped the -canvas. Impatience is a sign of modern degeneration if the oracle who has -a caveat on that warning is good authority. It is strange to find in the -prophet himself the fault he attributes to our time. For in all ages the -world has been on the point of going to the dogs, according to some voice -crying in the wilderness or on the house tops, as he is crying now. From -Jonah warning luxurious Nineveh down to Max Simon Nordau listing crooked -ears as the breeder counts his cross-billed chicks as proof that the race -is “running out,” the warning has been unceasing. And yet the race lives, -and builds on its ruins. - -Our nerves have worn us out, according to Mr. Nordau. If Count Tolstoi -knows, amatory passion is the cause of the wreck, and high feeding back -of that. If Mr. Ibsen is right, artificiality has destroyed the virtues. -M. Zola is sure that bestiality has brought judgment upon at least one -modern Sodom. Mynheer Maartens is Philistine enough to ascribe most of -our ills to repression of sincerity, of naturalness in social life. And -so a score of doctors describe special symptoms, each empirically, each -truthfully. The wisest of them—those who have a sense of perspective—see -beyond the immediate ailment the persistent vitality which is never -wholly conquered. - -We have specialized philosophy and literature as we have medicine. -These are not quacks who tell us the world is going to wreck through -the extravagances of society, through the repression of humanities, -through the lusts of gross living. They are students of particular phases -of distemper. The world, not the men in its clinics, is to blame when -it hails each as a cure-all. The realism of a Zola or a Nordau is not -a finality. While the knife is in hand the ulcer is pre-eminently in -evidence. Its removal is the business in order. But the genius of a Zola -that divines the cancer in the vitals of society presupposes the life -that is behind it—and that is the main factor in his surgery. - -He would be a false teacher who should put the immediate in the place -of the permanent in any such calculation. The world that listens has an -equal responsibility. The greatest artist can only paint passing phases -of the limitless evolution going on about him. It is heresy in itself -fatal to put a phase in the place of the infinite process. Grant that -society is always at war with itself, always repressing truth, always -promoting animalism by its very more or less disguises. The paradox of -these results can never be wholly escaped. The teacher who sees what is -and was in due proportion will judge what is to be, though no son of a -prophet. The new realism for which Philistines contend is no expose of -the evils of modern society, no uncovering of a witch’s pot. It holds all -these manifestations in perspective, but substitutes none of them for -a general view of life and human destiny. It would make health instead -of disease infectious, substituting for blind Oriental imitation a -truer standard of custom, freer from convention that has no warrant of -purpose, more direct in its expression of natural and normal vitality -in personal living and thinking. “From within outward,” is its motto. -It would depose and outgrow self-consciousness—the vampire fungus that -signalizes arrested development and decay in thought or in letters or in -the self-projection of social life. The realism of the Philistines is -manifested in the recognition of healthy life that we find in some of the -new literature—in the heroic romance of Anthony Hope, in the charming -tenderness and sweetness of Maartens’s Hollandais and in the fresh-witted -islanders, full of arterial blood, of Hall Caine and the wizard who lies -buried on the mountain top of his own beloved island—that second one to -the left after you leave San Francisco. - -Even the modern stage, corrupted by French intensities and the commercial -idea of filling the house, is showing signs of a reaction. Not more than -nine-tenths of the standard attractions of the coming season are based on -infractions of the seventh commandment or of that similar law which every -chivalrous man knows, though it was never traced in fire on the Sinaitic -stone. - - WILLIAM MCINTOSH. - - - - -IN SLIPPERY PLACES. - - “Publish it not in the streets of Askelon lest the daughters of - THE PHILISTINES rejoice.” - - -The publishers of the _Chap Book_ of July 15th have kept their promise -to furnish original matter in one way perhaps not contemplated when they -made mention of that booklet in their catalogue. - -We can rest assured that Tacitus never wrote “emperasset” in the sentence -quoted on page 174; we shall be slow to believe that the author of _The -Children of the Ghetto_, in confusion of mind was referring empire and -empirical to a common origin, mixing up the sons of Aeneas and Danaos -after the fashion of Little Buttercup. - -With perhaps a trifle less confidence we may acquit him of dragging into -notice as a prominent name in English letters the hitherto obscure or -wholly mythical “Carlysle,” who figures on page 177. But in excusing the -writer from the fatherhood of these literary foundlings we are compelled -to look to the publishers or at least to their proof-reader as the -responsible man, a sense of decency no less than the requirements of this -metaphor, repudiates the suggestion that he might after all turn out to -be a woman, and whether the reproach belong at the door of the principals -or of the workman is quite immaterial to us, the house must stand the -breakage of glassware, not the bartender. - -A matter of two typographical errors within the space of a single short -article may seem but trifling subject for comment in a world where the -surest footed at times slip, but one or two considerations make even such -venial sins fit objects for animadversion. The publishers of the little -fortnightly, in the manner of their issues if not in so many words, -set themselves up, in a fashion, as guides in the matter of literary -elegance, it behooves them therefore to take heed that the unwary be -not led astray. “Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat,” nor should -the venerable name of Caxton be made a laughing-stock in the mouths of -scoffers. - - W. - -SAN FRANCISCO, August, 1895. - - * * * * * - -TO MARK TWAIN: I am awfully sorry you have lost all your money. I am in -the same boat, but let’s not talk about it all the time. - - - - -A LANTERN SONG. - - - EACH SMALL GLEAM WAS A VOICE - —A LANTERN VOICE— - IN LITTLE SONGS OF CARMINE, VIOLET, GREEN, GOLD. - A CHORUS OF COLORS CAME OVER THE WATER, - THE WONDROUS LEAF-SHADOWS NO LONGER WAVERED, - NO PINES CROONED ON THE HILLS, - THE BLUE NIGHT WAS ELSEWHERE A SILENCE - WHEN THE CHORUS OF COLORS CAME OVER THE WATER, - LITTLE SONGS OF CARMINE, VIOLET, GREEN, GOLD. - - SMALL GLOWING PEBBLES - THROWN ON THE DARK PLANE OF EVENING - SING GOOD BALLADS OF GOD - AND ETERNITY, WITH SOUL’S REST. - LITTLE PRIESTS, LITTLE HOLY FATHERS, - NONE CAN DOUBT THE TRUTH OF YOUR HYMNING - WHEN THE MARVELOUS CHORUS COMES OVER THE WATER, - SONGS OF CARMINE, VIOLET, GREEN, GOLD. - - STEPHEN CRANE. - - - - -THE RUBAIYAT OF O’MARA KHAYVAN. - -ERIN (IRAN?) YEAR OF THE HEGIRA 94—VIA BROOKLYN. - - - Wake! for the night that lets poor man forget - His daily toil is past, and in Care’s net - Another day is caught to gasp and fade; - Oh, but my weary bones are heavy yet! - - Wake! son of kings that bears a hod on high, - And builds the world. The red sun mounts the sky - And circles squares in the cot’s every chink - And gilds ephemeral motes that whirl and die. - - Wake! for the bearded goat devours the door! - And now the family pig forbears to snore, - And from his trough sets up the Persian’s cry— - “Eat! drink! To-morrow we shall be no more!” - - Eat, drink and sleep! Aye, eat and sleep who can! - I work and ache. The beast outstrips the man; - And when oblivion bids the sequence end, - Which shall we say has best filled nature’s plan? - - When on Gowanus’ hills the whistle blows - What dreams are mine of Hafiz’ wine-red rose? - And when I drag my leaden feet toward home - No sensuous bulbul note woos to repose. - - I envy the dull brute my hand shall slay. - He lifts no stolid eye above the clay. - I, longing, on the cloud-banked verge discern - “Unborn To-morrow and dead Yesterday.” - - What is the Cup to lips that may not drain? - Or fleeting joy to lives conceived in pain? - Toil and aspire is still the common lot, - Stumbling to rise and rising fall again. - - And is this all? Shall skies no longer shine, - Or stars lure on to themes that seem divine? - Ah, Maker of the Tents! is this thy hope— - To feed and grovel and to die like swine? - - W. M. - - - - -SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES: BEING SUNDRY BITS OF WISDOM WHICH HAVE -BEEN HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW SET FORTH IN PRINT. - - -To Robert Cameron Rogers: You are keeping the stage waiting. - - * * * * * - -My friend with the Sharp Scissors which edit the Table Talk column -of the Buffalo _Commercial_ had a few words to say the other evening -regarding success. He alleged that Mr. Bok and Richard Harding Davis were -successful men, and that it was the pleasure of unsuccessful people to -jump on them mercilessly. I dislike to disagree with Mr. Quilp, but it -seems to me that he belongs to that class of people who habitually miss -the point of things. - -The story in _Gil Blas_ of the strolling player—true to what he deemed -his art—working with commendable if misdirected energy, walking from town -to town, and as he walked soaking his dry crusts in the water of wayside -wells—this were a story of success. Success, it seems to me, lies not so -much in having one’s name a commonplace among this great American public, -which falls down to worship mediocrity if it is well advertised, as in -doing one’s day’s work honestly and sincerely. To sing a song that finds -its way into the hearts of men; to act a part that helps another toward -his happiness, and do it all without blare of trumpets and jangle of -hurdy-gurdy; and then walk on to the next town, stopping by the roadside -wells to soak a dry crust in cool water, or, perhaps, a fresh cake in -a mug of Bass as occasion served, and then, at the end, to lie down -quietly, listening to the singing by the people of one’s own songs—though -they know it not—presents a picture of a perfect harmony. This is the -preachment of Stevenson and of men before him, and until a better one may -be advanced this will serve. I would rather have written _The Pavilion -on the Links_ than _Successward_, or even Mr. Davis’s masterpiece, _Van -Bibber and the Swan Boats_. Still, it is a matter of taste, and if one -likes lactated food, roast mutton is bad for his stomach. - - * * * * * - -According to the prospectus Mr. Cudahy’s book fairly bristles with -epigram: the bristles alone are said to be worth the money. - - * * * * * - -Probably Lawrence Hutton knows more about death masks than any living -man. I cheerfully grant him this honor, but when he writes the -advertising pages in _Harper’s_ and springs them on an unsuspecting -public as “Literary Notes,” I rebel. Rebellion is not, however, confined -to mere objection to his sailing under false colors, but to such -sentences as these from a recent number of _Harper’s_: - - “_Beyond the Dreams of Avarice_ is not as _amusing_ as an - entertaining story, but it is intensely interesting from - beginning to end. No one who picks it up for an evening’s - _amusement_ will be likely to lay it down unfinished or to lay - it aside for any other form of current _entertainment_.” - -The italics are mine, and are put in simply to emphasize the occult -meaning of Mr. Hutton, who belongs to the class which assumes to set the -literary pace of the world. I doubt if Brander Matthews could do worse. - - * * * * * - -The portrait of Mr. Cudahy that is used as a frontispiece in his new book -is a photograph from the original chromo, signed by the electrotyper. - - * * * * * - -It is reported to me that quite a large section of the Metropolitan -colony sing their jubilate this way: “It is Howells that hath made us and -not we ourselves—We are his people and the sheep of his pasture.” - - * * * * * - -“Papa,” said the smart boy at dinner, “does consomme mean consumed?” - -“No, my son,” said the philologic pa, “consomme is from a Latin word, -_summum_—all—and comes to us via the French. It means ‘all together’—the -same as the Trilby pose.” And there was silence for the space of four -seconds. - - * * * * * - -Somebody has sent me the prospectus of a magazine shortly to be published -in Cincinnati. In spite of rumors to the contrary THE PHILISTINE will -continue publication. Even _The Century_, although frightened, will let -advertising contracts as heretofore. THE PHILISTINE, and supposedly -other magazines, base their hopes of a longer existence not on their -equal worth—for lo! it is but timorously we draw breath after reading -this prospectus—but knowing that the new magazine will be keyed to so -exquisite a pitch of literary supremacy that only a few from the world -erudite may revel in such a rarified atmosphere. The birth of the -periodical—from the prospectus—fittingly closes this momentous era. -Evolution, hitherto satisfied with minute gradations, now forges ahead -in a stupendous leap; we are diatoms, we scratch rudely on bones, and -live in caves; we still bag the mastodon with embryonic pitfall, we shave -with a shell and are only paleozoic microbes in a literary miocene age. -We are mental fossils clogged in stratified oblivion—but we can’t help -it, we are rudimentary and still possess some basal instincts such as -love, religion, love of beauty and the like. But we never imagined how -infinitesimal we were until the coming of that fatal prospectus. Now we -realize that the groaning of the world, the extraordinary upheaval of the -age, the quickening of the leaven, the quaking of the Zeit Gheist were -but the premonitory travaillings of eternity before the awful nativity of -this infant from Over-the-Rhine. The veil of our temple is rent and our -suspenders are in hock. Mighty Spirit of the æons have mercy on us! we -are worms! moribund, senile old things. Our ears are sessile, yet we hear -the portents. In this hackneyed, conventional, sterile age somebody is -going to be original! Prostrate we make obeisance. Spare us Original that -is to be—spare us! But who t’ell started this Literary Fresh Air Fund, -anyway? - - * * * * * - -“Three generations from the soil” may be a good rule of social -eligibility after all. I know a family in one of our great lake cities -which has ruled society therein for half a lifetime and it is only two -removes from the mud. But savagery will crop out now and then, despite -all the austerities of social custom and the perpetual effort to reach -the calm of Nirvana and look as if life was a doosid bore. The delight -of these, as of all savages, is to astonish the natives. When it can be -done by driving a loping team of circus horses down the chief avenue of -the city, that suffices. Another pet trick is to mass the family on the -porch of the wooden-castled mansion on a Sunday morning and take their -pictures in group, in full view of worshippers returning from church. The -suggestion of a Ute reservation at such times is complete. When these -fail to create a sensation, a yellow tally-ho driven madly through the -narrowest streets of the Quartier Teuton, scattering dogs and babies, -with whoops and horns and the mottled circus horses in the lead, does the -business. It isn’t so long since the richest of our American nobility -showed the craven blood of the materialistic sons of the bush, to whom -brute life is everything. The American-English duel that failed is still -an unpleasant memory. I mention these things only to illustrate the -paradox of our days. We do labor hard to get rid of the joy of living -and we call the new state culture and repose, when we get it. But the -storage of force is a poor thing. It breaks out in abnormal ways and the -acquisitive father is punished in his degenerate children to the third -and fourth generation sometimes—and usually to the second. - - * * * * * - -I have received the second volume of _Moods_, which my Philadelphia -correspondent calls _Sulks_. It is a retrograde from the first number in -that in some places the printing is on both sides of the leaf. I had hope -that _Moods_ would continue its good work and in the second number leave -both sides blank. As it is, however, I commend the first volume to that -eminent figurer, Mr. Edward Atkinson of Boston, who may use the blank -sides upon which to calculate what the other pages are good for. By the -way, the announcement of the second volume contains a description of the -type used, which is a reprint of the typefounder’s circular concerning -the Jenson type. I would imagine that some of the geniuses of _Moods_ -could have at least written an original circular. The prospectus of the -second volume contains a list of one hundred and seventeen stars—geniuses -of the first magnitude—still as my friend of the _Picayune_ says, “Though -they twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, we wonder what they are.” - - * * * * * - -If McClure can give us more such exquisite stories as the Zenda tale -in the August number, a good deal of reminiscent literature and living -documents may be pardoned. Hope is better than memory, Mr. McClure. - - * * * * * - -Mr. Frank A. Munsey, who prints a picture book, of which eleven million -copies are sold every four weeks, declares in a shrill, throaty falsetto -that American literature at present is so and so; and that in the future -he proposes to have it _so_. Mr. Oppenheimer of Rochester has not yet -been heard from. - - * * * * * - -I hope no one suspects me of any disrespect toward Mr. Ham Garland of the -Chicago Stock Yards, heretofore noticed in these columns. A correspondent -reminds me that Mr. G. is favorably mentioned in the oldest records. The -historian of the creation remarks “And Ham was the father of Canaan.” - - * * * * * - -Chicago’s _Echo_ should be successful. It is taking from the foreign -periodicals their very best of picturings and giving us a taste of the -delightful fun of _Fliegende Blætter_, _La Rire_, and the rest—a fun -which somehow we cannot produce in America, so _Puck’s_ artists and those -of _Judge_ and a few others borrow the ideas and we pat ourselves on the -back and say what a keen sense of humor we have. We are very funny—we -Americans—funnier, by long odds, than we think. I notice, too, that _The -Echo_ knows another good thing when it sees it, so the editors have -made the printers use my pet grape leaves for the beginnings of their -paragraphs. For this compliment to my taste I thank _The Echo_. - - * * * * * - -What we are coming to in poetry is always a fascinating theme—like biking -in the dark on a strange road. But what we are going away from is more -satisfactory to contemplate. It is pleasant to think that Homer, the -blind minstrel, and Omar, the tent maker, are fixed facts. They are the -poles of verse—one standing for the heroic and romantic, self-unconscious -and buoyant, the other for vampire introspection and fatalism which -mistakes interior darkness for an eclipse of the universe. It is also -consoling to know that such poetry as Francis Saltus Saltus’s “Dreams -After Sunset” and Duncan Campbell Scott’s yawp in the August number has -been written—for they won’t have to be written again. - - * * * * * - -Judge Grant, in commenting on the ways of the Summer Girl in the July -_Scribner’s_, says that after her return to her own particular vine and -fig-tree she has, among other perplexities, “a considerable uncertainty -in her mind as _to whom she is engaged to_.” This is in form somewhat -similar to the reporter who said the victim of the trolley accident was -killed fatally dead. - - * * * * * - -According to Mr. F. Hopkinson Smith, who parts his name in the middle and -therefore ought to know, “Abbey in his art really has done what Wagner -has done in music, Tennyson and the poets in verse.” He says so in the -current _Scribner’s_. Tennyson “and” the poets is so kind—with accent on -the “so.” The author of “Locksley Hall” ought to come back to Lily Dale -or somewhere and thank Mr. Hopsmith. - - * * * * * - -The style of whiskers formerly called “Dundreary,” is now known as “The -Wind in the Clearing.” - - * * * * * - -I have received from the Department of Agriculture an envelope labelled -“Official Business—Penalty for Private Use $300.” Stamped across the face -in red ink is the autograph of Hon. D. N. Lockwood. Inside this envelope -was one still smaller which bore this inscription: - - +----------------------------------------+ - | U. S. Department of Agriculture. | - | | - | FORGET-ME-NOT. | - | | - | Blue. | - | | - | A half-hardy perennial. It prefers | - | a moist situation, is easily grown and | - | blooms early. | - +----------------------------------------+ - -If I remember correctly Mr. Lockwood Ran for something during last fall’s -campaign. I wonder what he is going to Run for next that he wishes to be -remembered. - - * * * * * - -New York rejoices in the possession of a magazine for rich people. It is -called _Form_, and it tells all about the first families—Knickerbockers -and others—and what they do to be decent. I understand it proposes -to offer prizes after the manner of Judge Tourgee’s _Basis_ for the -cleverest paraphrase of the second verse in Genesis. The historian of -creation declares that on the first day “the earth was without _Form_, -and void.” It’s a great “ad.” - - * * * * * - - In - Praising poetry of William Morris - And Stephen Crane - Were you poking fun? - I hope ’twas so: - For - You must perceive - That those slashed and mangled lines - Do no more resemblance bear - To true poetry - Than hacked and shattered corpse - On battle field - Bears - To a perfect man, - Whose form divinely fair - Fitly enfolds feelings consummate - Against such lines— - And in fact ’gainst all your verse, - I do - Protest. - - NELSON AYRES. - -NEW ORLEANS, Aug. 15, ’95. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration] - -At the Publishers’ Convention recently held in San Francisco the -delegates were treated to a steamboat ride down the bay where a picnic -was held. Police were on hand to see that the delegates did not all rush -down a steep place into the sea and perish in the waters. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF -PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 4, SEPTEMBER 1895) *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. 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