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diff --git a/old/68382-0.txt b/old/68382-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index f9d2544..0000000 --- a/old/68382-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1655 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Philistine: a periodical of -protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July 1895), by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 2, July - 1895) - -Author: Various - -Release Date: June 23, 2022 [eBook #68382] - -Language: English - -Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at - https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images - made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL -OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) *** - - - - - - - The Philistine: - A Periodical of Protest. - - “_Those Philistines who engender animosity, stir up trouble - and then smile._”—_John Calvin._ - - [Illustration] - - Printed Every Little While for The Society - of The Philistines and Published - by Them Monthly. Subscription, One - Dollar Yearly; Single Copies, 10 Cents. - Number 2. July, 1895. - - - - - The Bibelot - - A Reprint of Poetry and Prose for Book Lovers, chosen in part - from scarce editions and sources not generally known.... - - Printed for Thomas B. Mosher and Publish’d by him at 37 - Exchange Street, Portland, Maine - - Price 5 cents 50 cents a year - - THE BIBELOT is issued monthly, beautifully printed on white - laid paper, uncut, old style blue wrapper, in size a small - quarto (5×6), 24 to 32 pages of text, and will be sent postpaid - on receipt of subscription. Remit (preferably) by N. Y. Draft, - or P. O. Money Order. - - Numbers now ready. - - January—Lyrics from William Blake. February—Ballades from - Villon. March—Mediæval Student Songs. April—A Discourse of - Marcus Aurelius. May—Fragments from Sappho. June—Sonnets on - English Dramatic Poets. - - THOMAS B. MOSHER, Portland, Maine. - - Please Mention THE PHILISTINE. - - - - -The Philistine. - -Edited by H. P. Taber. - - - - -CONTENTS FOR JULY, 1895. - - - JEREMIADS: - - An Interview with the Devil, Walter Blackburn Harte. - - Fashion in Letters and Things, Elbert Hubbard. - - Where is Literature At? Eugene R. White. - - A Free Lunch League, William McIntosh. - - The New Hahnemann, Herbert L. Baker. - - OTHER THINGS: - - Some Little Verses, Edwin R. Champlin. - - The Laughter of the Gods, Rowland B. Mahany. - - The Lord of Lanturlu, G. F. W. - - Side Talks with The Philistines. - - Some More Verses. - - Advertisements. - -THE PHILISTINE is published monthly at $1 a year, 10 cents a single -copy. Subscriptions may be left with newsdealers or sent direct to the -publishers. - -Business communications should be addressed to THE PHILISTINE. East -Aurora, New York. Matter intended for publication may be sent to the same -address or to Box 6, Cambridge, Massachusetts. - -_Entered at the Postoffice at East Aurora, New York, for transmission as -mail matter of the second class._ - -_COPYRIGHT, 1895._ - - - - -THE PHILISTINE - - NO. 2. July, 1895. VOL. 1. - - - - -SOME LITTLE VERSES. - - -OF EDWARD ROWLAND SILL. - - Since he is dead who once was so alive, - And all is living that in life he saw, - His written words provoke in me an awe - And wonder if he still unseen doth thrive— - His inmost being true to life and law. - -LOST JOY. - - Whence joy came I do not know, - But she left me long ago; - In a heart that still is free - She abides—and loves not me. - - EDWIN R. CHAMPLIN. - - - - -WHERE IS LITERATURE AT? - - -At any time the sight of a Don Quixote leveling an earnest lance at a -mill is inspiring, hence a book called _Degeneration_, by one Max Simon -Nordau, is worthy of attention. The book has been discussed pro and con -as fully as it deserved. If not forgotten it is reserved for another -generation to adjudicate its value. Enough that it has stirred up a -valiant mess, out of which can come nothing but good. - -As a whole it is worthless—it might well have been written by a son of -Robert Elsmere and Mrs. Nickelby—for the mosaic of clever observation -is wrought into a most grotesque picture. The perception of Mr. Nordau -is fine, but his perspective is absurdly jumbled. The premises, logical -enough, are made to form an absurd conclusion—yet the half-truths in the -book are well worthy of note. - -Genius was an abnormality long before Nordau found it out from Lombroso. -Granted that everybody who has risen above the dead level of mediocrity -is a maniac, let us head the list with Jesus of Nazareth. But does that -detract from the value of their work or the good of their mission? Moses -may have had asymmetrical ears, and Blind Homer been possessed with all -sorts of mental afflictions. That is not the point. What Mr. Nordau does -show us is that the literature of this decade is self conscious and that -it is marked in general by a hopeless lack of unity. Not that these facts -were discovered by the captious German: Good lack, they are apparent -enough, but he has surely emphasized them. And the object of this is to -say a say about the present non-importance of modern literature’s self -consciousness and its lack of unity. - -When one talks with a decrier of modernity, when our ears are stuffed -with the prattle about self consciousness, should there be an attempt -to say a word it is met with a flaunting statement about Homer. Homer -is undeniably the great unsullied spring, the rock struck in the desert -which pours forth a clear limpid stream. But the example does not serve. -If Homer is pristine he is also primeval. Self consciousness in these -days means nothing less than that one comprehends in part that momentous -question of where we are at. Underlying which it means that it has a -realizing sense of battles to fight and wrongs to retrieve. Marry and up, -we might all be Homers had literature no past. The past is a millstone -that has hung around the neck of many a sturdy man. - -Truth to tell, there must be a certain self consciousness nowadays if -anything is to be done. Besides, what is self consciousness? Not the kind -that mistakes the medium for the work accomplished, but a genuine hearty -self consciousness. Is it not manifestly absurd to deny to the father of -an idea the most complete conception of his paternity? Can we interpret -the works of an author in any other proportion than that which exists -between our understanding and his? - -But Nordau’s principal _casus belli_ is the present diversity in -literature, he thinks; its lack of unity—a segregation which denotes -decay. - -Pish! - -Diversity is a step towards universality. And is not the present aspect -due primarily to a self assertive spirit, a declaration of individual -independence in literature, built upon the lack of single leaders and the -abolition of a great literary center? - -Take the literary capillarity of a great name. It has a marvelous effect, -availing perhaps for all time, but scarcely to the succeeding generation. -Dante, Shakespeare and the world’s sons are but the flood marks of a -great literary tidal wave that crests with eternity. These marks leave -such an influence on the next generation that they can only be viewed -with wonder. And when that same next generation perceives that deeds were -wrought on certain lines, behold a mad rush to build on the same, to -blindly copy after the model, to servilely imitate the pattern. This is -the damning power of the so-called classicists. Not having the original -spontaneity, such doing accomplishes little more than to emasculate -itself wittingly. - -Trend is an unseen thread in the warp and woof of literature. It bobs -about, hides here and there, and who will say but now and then it drops -a stitch? Yet the weave goes on for all that. Achievement in the realm -of the real and the realm of the ideal are rarely synchronous. Literature -acted as a John the Baptist for the Renaissance. Artistic expression -antedated for centuries the march of science. Why should we of the purple -trouble ourselves if science should now be the vanguard. It will be a -close finish at the End of Things. - -The Sleeping Beauty is now all ready for the magic kiss. The Prince is -perhaps bending over her. He has cut a way through the thorns, the briars -and brambles that hedged her in. He has climbed the stairs and looks her -at last squarely in the face. She will be awake while we yet pule and -despair that there is no good in us and that if a good thing ever came -out of Nazareth it was immediately and ignominiously pushed along by the -rabble. - -That’s a close analogue, that Sleeping Beauty. Literature wanted not for -thorns and brambles. Conventions, artificial ties and misconceptions -were of the prickliest kind. Those that spring up where empty ancient -forms are worshipped always are, but we have had some Princes with strong -buskins, who laughed at the stings and bade the small things do their -worst. - -Rossetti and the Pre-Raphaelites were of that kind. Walt Whitman lacked -the princely qualities, the blue blood of prestige that would work the -magic charm, but he was valiant for all that. And there have been others -who have not lacked in bravery. - -Now, it is just that hardihood that Nordau derides. Let him creak and -carp, let others erect their idols and worship thereat. Even fetiches -have their use. The world wags on, however, and the line is forming anew. -We will be happy yet. - -It is a Gargantuan task to get at the heart of this multiple age. He will -be a Titan who does it. - -Form antedates concept. Thus far have we journeyed on this way of -ours—the leaven of concept and of form both have broken out in patches -here and there. Let someone arise who can master both. - -Then— - - E. R. W. - - - - -THE LAUGHTER OF THE GODS. - - - The laughter of the Gods is clear - And sweet to those who do not know - How, underneath its limpid flow, - Lurk envy, hatred, hope and fear. - - ROWLAND B. MAHANY. - - - - -FASHION IN LETTERS AND THINGS. - - -Periodicity exists throughout all nature. Day and night, winter and -summer, equinox and solstice; years of plenty and years of famine, -commerce active and business depressed; volcanoes in state of eruption, -then at rest; comets return, eclipses come back, the striae of one -glacial period are deepened by those of another, and the leg o’ mutton -sleeves that our grandmammas wore in the thirties are again upon us. - -When the hounds start game in the mountains, the hunter knowing that the -deer moves in a circle, stands still on the run-way, biding his time. So -no one need wail and strike his breast if his raiment is out of style: -all such should be consoled by the fact that the fashion is surely coming -back. - -Mode in dress is only an outcrop of a general law. Why does fashion -change? Because it is the fashion. The followers of fashion—that is -to say, civilized men and women—are not content with being all alike. -Esquimaux and Hottentots never vary their styles. But people in the -temperate zones are intemperate and desire to excel—to be different from -others—distinctive, peculiar, individual. Very seldom is any one strong -enough to stand alone, so in certain social circles, by common consent, -all overcoats are cut one length—say, to come just above the knee. Then -this overcoat is gradually lowered: to the knee, just below the knee, to -the ankle—until it conceals the feet. Then an enormous collar is added, -which when turned up and viewed from behind completely hides the man. -But this thing cannot last; it is not many days before the same men are -wearing overcoats so short that the wearers look like matadors ready for -the fray. - -Ladies wear hoops; the hoops expand and expand, until the maximum of -possibility in size is reached. Something must be done! The crinoline -contracts until these same ladies appear in clinging skirts, and the -pull-back lives its little hour. Then the former width of the dress is -used to lengthen it. The skirt touches the ground, trails two inches, -six, eight, a foot, two feet. Its length becomes too great to drag and so -is carried, to the great inconvenience of its owner; or in banquet halls -pages are employed. But this is too much, a protest comes and two hundred -women in Boston agree to appear on the streets the first rainy day in -skirts barely coming to the boot top. “Dress Reform” societies spring up, -magazines become the organs of the protestants and the printing presses -run over time. - -The garb of the Quaker is only a revulsion from a flutter of ribbons and -towering headgear. From Beau Brummel lifting his hat with great flourish -and uncovering on slight excuse, we have William Penn who uncovers to -nobody; the height of Brummel’s hat finds place in the width of Penn’s. - -All things move in an orbit. - -Even theories have their regular times of incubation. They are hatched, -grow lusty, crow in falsetto or else cackle; then they proceed to scratch -in the flower beds of conservatism to the hysterical fear of good old -ladies, who shoo them away. Or if the damage seems serious, the ladies -set dogs—the lap-dogs of war—upon them. - -“The sun do move;” Brother Jasper is right. All things move. And when -matters get pushed to a point where they fall on t’other side, a Reformer -appears. The people proclaim him king, but he modestly calls himself -“Protector.” He is spoken of in history as the Savior of the State. - -There are only two classes of men who live in history: those who crowd a -thing to its extreme limit, and those who then arise and cry “Hold!” A -Pharaoh makes a Moses possible. The latter we write down in our books as -immortal, the first as infamous. - -This is true of all who live in history, whether in the realm of -politics, religion or art. History is only a record of ideas (or lack -of them) pushed to a point where revulsion occurs. If Rome had been -moderate, Luther would have had no excuse. - -Literature obeys the law; its orbit is an ellipse. The illustrious names -in letters are those of the men who have stood at aphelion or perihelion -and waved the flaring comet back. - -The so-called great poets are the men stationed by fate at these pivotal -points. And as fires burn brightest when the wind is high, so these men -facing mob majorities have, through opposition, had their intellects -fanned into a flame. - -More than thirteen decisive battles have taken place in the world of -letters. And the question at issue has always been the same: Radical -and Conservative calling themselves Realist, Romanticist, Veritist or -What-not struggling for supremacy. - -Term it “Veritism” and “Impressionism” if you prefer—juggle the names and -put your Union troops in gray, but this does not change the question. - -The battle between the two schools of literature is a football game. -The extreme goal on one side is tea table chatter, on the other an -obscure symbolism. “The difference is this:” said Dion Boucicault, -“when Romanticism goes to seed it is ‘rot;’ when Realism reaches a like -condition it is only ‘drivel.’” - -In literary production why should we hear so much about the dignity of -this school and the propriety of that. Men who fail to appreciate the -individual excellence of a certain literary output, declare it to be -without sense and therefore base. In letters they assume that a style is -wholly good or it is wholly bad. They make no allowances for temperament; -they would have all men speak in one voice. - -Yet liberty need not result in disorder, nor can originality serve as a -pretext for boozy inaccuracy. In a literary production the bolder the -conception the more irreproachable should be the execution. - -There is a tendency for thought to get fixed in set forms, and this -form is always that which has been used by some great man. For any one -to express thought and feeling in a different way is blasphemy to the -eunuchs who guard the tents of Tradition. - -Writers of different schools exist because their style fits the mind of -a certain style of reader. The sprightly, animated picturesqueness, the -play of wit and flights of imagination are only a full expression of -what many faintly feel. Thus their mood is mirrored and their thought -expressed: hence they are pleased. - -In fact the only reason why we like a writer is because he expresses our -thought in a way we like. And the reason we dislike a writer is because -he deals in that which is not ours. We of course might grow to like -him, but the process is slow, for according to Herbert Spencer we must -hear a thing six hundred times before we understand. If we comprehend -a proposition at once, it is only because it was ours already. If the -portrayal of a situation in fiction fascinates us, it is because we (in -fancy or fact) have gone before and spied out the land. - -There must be more than one school of literature, because there is more -than one mood of mind: just as in religion there must be many sects. -We worship God not only in sincerity and truth, but according to the -temperament our mothers gave us. - -The emotional “school of religion” finds its votaries in Methodism: -Methodism fits a certain mind. The stately dignity of the Ritualist is -a necessity to a certain cast of intellect. And until we get a church -that is broad enough, and deep enough, and high enough to allow for -temperament in men, “church union” will exist only as an abstract idea. - -Until we have a school of literature that will combine all schools and -give the liberty to a full expression of every mood, there will be a -warfare between the “sects” that give free rein to imagination and the -sect that, having no imagination, merely describes. When one school -driven by the jibes and jeers of the other tilts to t’other side, a heavy -man will start the teeter back, and he is the man we crown. - -And let us ever crown the heavy man when we find him. - - ELBERT HUBBARD. - - - - -THE LORD OF LANTURLU. - -IDEA, METRE AND REFRAIN CRIBBED FROM THE FRENCH OF GABRIEL VICAIRE AS SET -FORTH IN _Le Figaro_ OF MARCH 30, 1895 (_q. v._). - - - When swallows southward flew, - Forth rode in armor fair - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu. - - Vowed he to cross the brine, - Pausing not night nor day, - That he might Paynims slay - In Palestine. - - Faithful a knight and true - As you’d find anywhere, - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu. - - Half a league on his way - Met him a shepherdess, - Beaming in loveliness, - Sweet as young day. - - Gazed in her eyes of blue, - Saw Love in hiding there, - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu. - - “Let the foul Paynim wait,” - Plead Love, “and rest with me; - Sullen and cold the sea, - Here’s brighter fate.” - - ... - - When swallows northward flew, - Back to his home did fare - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu. - - Led he his charger gray, - Bearing a shepherdess - Beaming with loveliness, - Sweet as young day. - - White lambs, beribboned blue, - Herded with anxious care - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu. - - Fine sport of him they made, - Knights famous, old and lone, - Strength, youth and hope all gone - In the Crusade. - - But in their hearts they knew, - “He hath the better fare— - Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire - And Lanturlu.” - - G. F. W. - - - - -A FREE LUNCH LEAGUE. - - -Before George Du Maurier created the one complaisant female who is -admitted into all the good society of Europe and America he achieved -some fame as the author of a recipe for keeping peace in families. The -good wife was to apply the prescription, and it read “Feed the Brute.” -Whether this meant to keep a good cook or to cater to the element -in human nature which the paradox of civilization constantly brings -into abnormal prominence among the overwrought people Mr. Du Maurier -describes, is not clear. The man as a whole or his grosser nature may be -the brute referred to. But the policy of feeding the unidentified fauna -of Mr. Du Maurier’s world is in no doubt. Modern custom has settled -the most direct road to satisfaction of the men and women who compose -society. You may see its sign boards at any formal social meeting, and -they all point to the dining room. - -When THE PHILISTINE said some time ago that hospitality had become an -exchange he meant an exchange of food. There is no plainer way to state -the fact—short of nausea. Of course hospitality does not start at eating. -That is where it ends. The starting point is the purest courtesy—the -_caritas_ that “seeketh not her own,” “is not puffed up” and “abideth” -as the head of the trinity of eternal virtues. But on the most generous -of virtues grows the most selfish of vices, and ostentation is the -death-dealing parasite that destroys primitive hospitality. - -Mrs. Moor Gage lives in the suburbs. It is the proper place to live—if -you can. She has neighbors and likes them. She calls, swaps cards with -the ladies, imbibes a little hot water, and then gets along where her -social position requires somebody should be fed. She is just as good as -Mrs. Taxsale on the other avenue, so hospitality alone won’t fill the -bill. A caterer must mince this dinner. Mr. Moor Gage must perspire later -on, but now is feeding time. At much expense the food is arranged for. At -more expense virgin dresses must be gotten together, if all hands stitch -and try on till the hour the dinner comes. When they are gone, feeders -and fed draw one breath of content. “It’s all over.” - -Or, is it a reception. The hospitality is all in the front of the house. -That’s where the receiving party are. But the procession doesn’t linger -there. It moves rearward. The animals are to be fed. If one doubts the -sincerity of this movement let him recall the comments of those who -“couldn’t get to the dining room” at the last distribution of eatables. - -Of course when Mrs. Taxsale opens her larder to her friends she will have -a little better “stuff”—they really do call it by that name in competent -society—and so the auction goes on. Sometimes card parties and other -social efforts not primarily connected with digestion get mixed up with -catering. The result is usually disastrous. Bidding gets too high for -some of the members. The bargain day pace is too fast. There ends the -card club. - -There are persons, here and there, who think there is something -finer than feeding in courtesy. They are Philistines. They object to -materialism, even when it swamps only the things of this world. It is -also reported, on somewhat vague evidence, that refined literary people -are not so given to feeding as the common folks of Mr. Du Maurier’s -world. It is to bear a suggestion to these that this is written. Literary -persons being functionally the makers of custom have a great glory within -easy reach. Let them crystallize their scattered atoms of protest in an -Anti Free Lunch League. It may take some self denial, but there is the -compensating pleasure of mutual admiration when they gather at a call -like this: - - +--------------------------------------------+ - | _Miss Basbleu will be pleased to welcome | - | you at her residence | - | Tuesday evening | - | to meet Mr. Patemback. | - | Nordau at 11._ | - +--------------------------------------------+ - -Contemplation of the infinite fall will take the place of supper in a -most edifying way. It is to be presumed that literary people have had -something to eat at home. - -The segregation of society thus begun will leave the materialists who -compose its majority to follow out their instincts, and it will be -reasonable to look for a vast improvement in eating entertainments in -consequence. Mrs. Moor Gage and Mrs. Taxsale will then be freer to -advertise their attractions—as thus: - - +--------------------------------------------+ - | _Your company is requested on | - | Wednesday evening | - | at the residence of Mrs. Moor Gage, | - | Five Per Cent Avenue, | - | Syndicate Park. | - | | - | H. L. at 11._ | - +--------------------------------------------+ - -“H. L.” means hot lunch, which may be varied indefinitely. It is plainly -a great improvement on “Dancing at 9.” You get dancing everywhere. -Specifications may be introduced. For those who don’t like bread pencils -and ice cream shingles something more solid may be put on the bill of -fare, which will in time serve as the invitation also. - -The suggestion is made in the interest of sincerer living. If we are to -“feed the brute,” why not say so? - - W. M. - - - - -THE NEW HAHNEMANN. - - -The taste for literature in homeopathic doses seems to be growing. If -this thing keeps on, the time may come when knowledge will be put up like -pills or wafers or tablets. And a great convenience it would be to the -busy sons of American toil. If one wished to prepare an article on some -historical subject, for instance, he could buy a box of Motley’s American -Pills or Gibbon’s Roman Tablets, and take one after another until the -requisite amount of historical information were absorbed. It would also -be pleasant, if a gentle titillation of the literary senses were desired, -to buy a few Richard Harding Davis wafers and lie down to delightful -dreams. Or in case one’s conscience became unusually obstreperous, he -could take Biblical tabules till his system was soaked with sanctity. If -one’s pessimism were temporarily upmost, he could find plenty of Nordau’s -pillules to help him enjoy his misery while the fit lasted. It’s a great -scheme. Methinks the dim distant future holds a publisher’s announcement -similar to this: - - _JUST ISSUED_: - - “SOME IMPRESSIONS AND A FIT.” - - By Mark Nye Bunner. In twelve pills and two boxes. In plain - pasteboard boxes, $1.00 per box. In gilt edge boxes, uncut, - $2.00 per box. By all means the strongest work of this popular - condenser. It is not too much to say that there is more giggle - in each pill than can be found in any similar work. And the - fit at the end—well, it is wholly indescribable. Long Greens & - Co., Literary Dispensatory, Chicago and London. Sent prepaid by - telepath, on receipt of price. - - A FEW CRITICISMS. - - _Washington Roast_: “Not a dull pill in the box.” - - _New York Rostrum_: “Very clever. After taking one pill, the - reader cannot put down the box until he has taken all its - contents.” - - _Chicago Between-Seas_: “Cannot contain our disgust. Tried to - digest the contents of these boxes, but threw up the job after - taking one pill.” - - _New Orleans Pickatune_: “The pills lead gently and pleasantly - up to the final mystery when the Fit clears everything up in a - very sensational manner. More such pills would have a highly - beneficial effect upon modern literature.” - - HERBERT L. BAKER. - - - - -AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL. - - -It is only during inclement weather that writers who cannot command -the oracular and prophetic freedom, which is the proud possession of -the morning and evening journals, can hope to gain even the smallest -audience; for the masses are more hungry for facts which lie, than for -the truth, or even those fine fantasies that afford us some surcease of -wide-open eyed sorrow. If this paper is ever read at all, it should be -read in gloomy weather. Indeed, it is intended to be read on a gray day, -as it was written on a wild night. Only very robust imaginations feel -the fascination or the eternal questions of life and death in the wide -ample world of broad, white sunlight; for their animal spirits get the -better of their reason. In rainy weather we writers flatten our noses -against the panes of strange windows, lost to all sense of propriety, in -the wild hope that some one within is reading one of our amusing works. -In the case of the present writer, however, it is all proper to say that -he has suffered disillusionment so often that he has espoused a chill -dignity, and sits at home and reads his own works in a spirit of grim -appreciation. Indeed, accepting the appalling vacuity of the million -noisy heads as an incurable fact—a fact that should chasten the vanity -of those whose hopes and ambitions and thought are borne and blown hither -and thither, like puff-balls upon the acclaiming wind of ten thousand -pairs of lungs—it may be said with perfect propriety that it is nothing -less than impertinence for any writer, who aims to rise above the biting -lechery of the common imaginations, to expect to find readers under clear -skies. Even the midsummer sun, which is surely innocent of any such evil -intention, seems to only ripen distracting noises in the minds of the -vast majority sunk in the turgid mean of commonplace; for how many good -souls can be bothered with anything more abstract than the very latest -soggy novel, just hot and dirty from the press, in sunshiny weather? Even -moonshine is wasted upon all but those feather-brains on the lookout for -ghosts. - -And it may be noted, although it is not strictly relevant, that, with -the multiplication of periodicals of one sort and another, even stormy -weather is beginning to fail the few writers in our day who are audacious -enough to still cling to the old ambitions of letters, in spite of -worldly prudence and all the warnings of the literary tip-staffs who -infallibly know “the market”—for in the periodical world it is raining -hot-baked sensations and novelties every hour in the twenty-four—the -depressing vulgar commonplaces that have made up the round of human -existence from the dawn of history and always will. But we must make up -our minds to accept this as one of the small ironies of life: thought is -smothered in an immense spawn of crocodile words. The newspapers we have -always with us; and they succeed in making such an unceasing and damnable -din that only an insignificant minority of exceptionally cool heads can -hear themselves think. - -It is worthy of remark that the printing press has contributed in no -small degree toward driving the Devil out of orthodox theology. This is a -fact, although Atheists, Rationalists and Materialists claim the credit -of it. Indeed, His Eminence confessed to me, over a bottle of Lachryma -Christi at the Theological Club, that he was completely discouraged, -and he announced that he was revolving in his mind the expediency of -abandoning the long and honorable career, which he has enjoyed in the -polity of human life. He said that he had found his old-fashioned and -painstaking tortuous methods of depraving men’s minds suddenly rendered -absolutely puerile, ridiculous and contemptible by comparison with the -unwearied and stupendous operations of the steam-presses of journalism. -The meeting depressed me greatly; for whatever opinions other folk -may profess to hold of the Devil, the more sober imaginations, the -humorous writers, will always be glad to testify to the ungrudged and -inestimable services he has continually rendered them in their arduous -and ill-paid calling. I have since learned definitely that the Devil was -in good earnest, and has retired into a voluntary exile, whence endless -deputations of learned, suppliant, apologetic and furious theologians -have endeavored to coax him, but entirely in vain. He has abdicated, -he replies steadfastly, forever; and the desperate situation of the -theologians, whose calling and character is seriously imperiled by his -obstinacy, leaves him perfectly unmoved. He declares he has been long -abandoned by those who flourished upon the pleasantries which he devised -to make life amusing, and being under no sort of moral obligation to -ingrates who have publicly held his name and character in abhorrence, he -cheerfully abandons them to their wretched fate. He himself is humbled; -let them taste of his bitterness, as they have shared in his prosperity, -without any honest acknowledgment of his benefaction. He is still great -enough to preserve his dignity; let them preserve their own as best they -can. And this ought not to be a difficult business; for there are still -a multitude of fools in the world, and any new noisy dogma is not more -than twenty-four hours old before a million credulous heads believe it -embodies the immanent truth of the universe. Such subtle wits as the -theologians, and those whom they serve, can assuredly find a way out of -the mire of misfortune, as the multitude is always hospitable to miracle -workers, though deaf and blind to facts and truth. - -The Devil himself, however, has discovered the ironies of the ambition -that can only prosper upon the folly of fools. He recognizes the -omnipotence of his rivals, the omniscient journalists, in this vineyard, -and is content to let them discover in due time that wisdom does not -consist in the counting of noses, and that mere bawdy optimism brings -its own dissatisfaction. And, moreover, in retiring, the Devil is -sustained by the firm conviction that his old laborious schemes for the -befuddlement and bewilderment and corruption of mankind will not only be -ably continued, but improved and surpassed in subtlety and thoroughness -by these audacious and unscrupulous successors. So his decision is -irrevocable; he has abdicated forever. Emulation would but emphasize -the futile and ludicrous pretensions of his old ingrate protegees, the -theologians; and the Devil is not ungenerous, even in misfortune, even to -those base hypocrites who have enjoyed his protection and reviled him. -Then, retirement with dignity is better than embittered ambition and a -fall without dignity. As he points out—and those who have known him in -better days should assuredly sustain him in his noble and philosophic -humility, so rare among the great of fallen fortunes—it is worse than -useless for him to labor painfully to cultivate a deep and stirring -delight in original sin in one promising little urchin, spending weary -days and anxious and tender solicitude on the hard benches of the public -schools, when the great and omniscient newspaper press can at any given -moment set a whole nation, or even the whole civilized world, crawling -upon all fours, nosing and wallowing in filth. Only a few aboriginal -tribes escape, and the Devil does not deem these worthy of cultivation, -since civilization is encroaching upon them and their days are already -numbered. - -The Devil was always notoriously an abandoned pessimist, and his dismal -view of the outcome of the great modern passion for literacy is probably -due to disappointed ambition and malevolence; for, granting all the -suffocating triviality and vulgarity of the Sabbatical literature dished -up in the seventh day’s newspapers, it must always in strict justice be -remembered that long and beautiful abstracts of sermons of soporific -platitude, and charmingly convincing illogic, appear regularly in the -Monday morning issues. And so optimists may feel that the morals of -civilization are safe. - -But, on the other hand, evil tongues cannot be silenced. If the -accumulation of facts were not such a patently depraved, atrabilious -and libellous business, there would be fewer cynics, and cheerful, good -natured optimism would expire for want of that venomous opposition which -contracts hopeless stupidity into stony and barren virtue. Epigrams would -become dissipated in the most undivided passion for truth, in order to -diffuse it again into commonness among eager and hungry ears; but the -fact is, these ears are now enamored of such noises as cost them no sort -of intellectual effort. - -It may as well be stated here that the Devil has somehow lost a great -deal of his popularity in the congregations of the elect, through the -continual assaults of Philistines and the unfortunate discovery of -natural facts, that have taken catastrophe out of the Devil’s hands and -transferred it to the domain of inflexible and insensible law. But the -moral cowardice revealed in this abandonment of the Devil is certainly -pathetic. Yet we must remember that it is ever so—for the people who turn -on us first are the ones we have most benefited. And this seems to be one -of Nature’s devices for diverting our energies into new channels of well -doing. - - WALTER BLACKBURN HARTE. - - - - -SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES: BEING SUNDRY BITS OF WISDOM WHICH HAVE -BEEN HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW SET FORTH IN PRINT. - - -_Bot._ Let me play the lion, too. I will roar, that I will do any man’s -heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the duke say, “Let -him roar again. Let him roar again.” - -_Quin._ An you should do it too terribly, you would fright the duchess -and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us -all. - -_All._ That would hang us, every mother’s son. - -_Bot._ I grant you, friends, if that you should fright the ladies out of -their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us; but I will -aggravate my voice so that I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove; -I will roar you an ’twere any nightingale. - - * * * * * - -To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the -heaven. - -There is a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time -to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a -time to break down and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to -laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast stones and a -time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain -from embracing; a time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep and -a time to cast away; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep -silence and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time -for war and a time for peace. - -I have seen the tribulation that God has given to the sons of men; yet He -has made everything beautiful in its time: and I know that there is no -good but for a man to rejoice and to do the good that he can in life: and -I would have every man eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of his labor, -for this is the gift of God. - - * * * * * - -Our neighboring city of Buffalo is to be congratulated. The International -League of Press Clubs will convene there next summer. A plumber who was -accidentally blackballed by the Buffalo club writes me that they will -come “some in rags and some in jags.” - - * * * * * - -If the women who wheel did but know it they would undoubtedly be -influenced by the fact, patent to all men, that all the compromise -garments for bicycle wear are hideous. There is no beauty in and of any -of them. The more cut off they are the worse. There is only one element -of grace about drapery, and that is in its flowing lines. The cut-off -Russian blouses are no lovelier than a high hat or a hydrant cover. By -and by, when Philistine good sense shall have won dominion over the -ladies who bike, it will be discovered by them that there is no essential -impurity in dress. The woman who does masculine things should wear -masculine covering. Why not? Is it to be assumed that the pedal branches -of the human form divine are by any natural law under ban? Or is it -custom that makes the difference? If so, it will be deemed indecent one -of these days to drape the arms, now hidden in balloons, in the tight -sleeves of our elder sisters. - -It may be guessed at a venture, there being no authority except that -nebulous tyranny that controls all matters of feminine custom, that the -difficulty would be met in some measure if the fair wheelers did not -have to get off the machine in public view. Even a man is apt to be -embarrassed when he walks the pavement with a clamp around his nether -drapery, both looking and feeling as if he had been through burdocks -and come away loaded. It is of easy recollection how one feels on the -board walk with clinging garments that were all right in the water a -moment ago. The ladies might be willing to wear knickerbockers—and they -ought to be told that in nothing else would they look so well—if by -some contrivance a fall of drapery sheltered the too-freely evidenced -pedestals of beauty when off the wheel. What Felix will invent such a -curtain and a way of keeping it out of the way when not wanted? Here -is an opening for genius—and a beneficent one, for by such devices is -civilization advanced. - - * * * * * - -Mrs. Frank Guesslie has written an article on _How My Husbands Proposed_. -It will be syndicated by the National Thought Supply and Newspaper -Feeding Company. - - * * * * * - -A newspaper that does much show printing announces in big headlines: “A -Woman Clown. The Only One Is With Barnum and Bailey.” Barnum and Bailey -reside in different climates just now. That “only” woman clown must be as -ubiquitous as Sydney Smith’s Scot. - - * * * * * - -The Boston Woman’s Rescue League has the champion non sequitur. The -league is against bicycling by women, and announces the startling -discovery that “thirty per cent of the girls that have come to the Rescue -League for aid were bicycle riders at one time.” Probably one hundred per -cent of the same were innocent girls at one time. Maybe it was when they -biked. - - * * * * * - -I understand there’s a movement in the Back Bay gravel pit of Boston, -Mass., to abolish the word “Mr.” on calling cards. Some of the -three-named have been a little crowded for space, perhaps, or it may be -that they dimly realize that it isn’t good taste to call oneself by a -complimentary title. Some clergymen refuse to sign “Rev.” before their -names, or put it in parenthesis as if to have it beyond their personal -reach, as New England ladies write “(Miss)” and others “(Mrs.)”. Good -Philistines need not be told that Mr. means Master and is a compliment in -the second person. It is of a piece with lifting the hat, theoretically -a helmet, to the person whom you respect. That was the old time vote of -confidence. You thus expressed the belief that he wouldn’t brain you with -a broadsword at the first opportunity. Giving the hand was another token -of disarmament as a mark of confidence. Bowing the head also invited the -knightly salute with any convenient weapon. With this went a more or less -sincere confession of his imputed power. You called him “master,” which -became “mister” by corruption. Our imitative good society has forgotten -the meaning of the thing it imitates, as usual. Our ready-made coats of -arms seldom fit. He that is greatest calls himself servant, according to -good authority, and not master. Even Beacon Hill and the adjacent desert -seems to have come to a realization of the fact. We may look for the -cards of John De Smythe Smythe or Perkins Hopkinson Revere with Mr. in -brackets or omitted one of these days. - - * * * * * - -“Mamma,” said seven-year-old, in the suburbs, “when will somebody’s house -or somebody’s barn burn up?” - -“I don’t know,” said mamma, “I hope never. But I suppose they will -sometime.” - -“Well,” said the son, with a sigh, “it’s an awful long time since we had -a good fire.” - -Thus we see that even calamity may furnish entertainment for the simple -and sincere. - - * * * * * - -Rock & Bumball, of Chicago, announce a new volume by Gallbert Faker. Its -title is _Scenes in the Boshy Hills_. - - * * * * * - -Several mighty and high church bishops in this country are out against -“the new woman.” It is noted that they don’t say anything against “the -old woman” in general or in particular. - - * * * * * - -_How to Carry a Cat in a Basket_ is the attractive title of an article to -appear in the forthcoming _Ladies’ Fireside Fudge_, from the pen of its -gifted editor, Mr. E. W. Sok. - - * * * * * - -There are things in these maxnordo days that are enough to make a man -strike his father—for something besides a loan. For instance, a few weeks -since we had the peculiar spectacle of the Marquis of Queensbury being -done up by his son according to London rules; and now in the last issue -of the _Chip-Munk_ we see “A Recent Writer in _Scribner’s_” well cuffed -by a boy of whom he is the author. “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth,” -etc. - - * * * * * - -Judge Tourgee is still making straw without bricks in the _Basis_. - - * * * * * - -Now that Mrs. Cady Stanton has launched her Woman’s Bible, let her -prepare to enter a woman’s heaven. The men won’t be in it. - - * * * * * - -Robert Grant is getting democratic. He is down as far as the summer girl -in the current _Scribner_. - - * * * * * - -_The Napoleon on the Hearth_ is a new magazine announced from New York. -It will bear the subtitle, _Every Man His Own Bonaparte Revival_. - - * * * * * - -A new book by Mr. Poultry Bigead is about ready. It will be called _My -Collection of Stones from Cherries Eaten by the German Emperor_, and will -contain a frontispiece of _Cavalry Horses Having Spasms_, by a well known -artist. - - * * * * * - -On what ought to be very good authority I am told that if the women who -wheel adopt knickerbockers, there will be more care of the female infants -of the next generation. Some of the ladies who most strongly object to -the advanced and advancing style are said to have good reasons in the -matter of physical conformation. I know parents who are very careful not -to let their boy babies stand alone too early, fearing bow legs. Perhaps -the parents of the future will be equally careful about their girlies, in -view of the changing fashion in nether drapery. - -Apropos of this, I know a very pleasant little lady—pleasant, but -thin—whose brother is a sad wag. “Adelaide,” he said to her last Tuesday, -“if you wear those new knickerbockers of yours out on the street, you’ll -get yourself arrested for having no visible means of support.” - - * * * * * - -It is asserted that Mr. George A. Hibbard is perfectly serious. - - * * * * * - -It is really too bad that a magazine which lives up to its standard so -well as the _Overland Monthly_ should try to make us believe that its -illustrations are much better than those in Frank Leslie’s _Budget_. - - * * * * * - -_How I Wrote the Account of How I Wrote My First Book_, by General Louisa -Wallace, author of _Bob Hur_, is announced. - - * * * * * - -I have received through Messrs. Funk & Wagnalls, publishers of a -Methodist dictionary and other works of erudition and vital piety, an -invitation to vote aye on a large number of changes of words in common -use—mostly in the fonetic direction. Simplicity is the apparent aim. -There is a good deal of retrospect in the list. Some of the spellings -that were licked out of us when we were boys seem like old friends come -back to ask our pardon. The old days are with us when we are told to -spell “skul,” for example. The evisceration of sacred words is a little -arbitrary. “Savior” is spelt without the full-mouthed British “u,” dear -to every lover of the Prayer Book, but Antichrist isn’t economized at -all. “Pel-mel” looks it, if a word ever did. “Graf” is something to be -guessed at, and one may ask if “adulterin” is something to eat. The -fonetix didn’t reach Czar, or perhaps our M. E.—me friends are respecters -of persons. However, they shortened “pontiff” by an “f,” and I wouldn’t -be surprised if His Holiness masqueraded as “Pop” in the next circular. -It is interesting, if not impressive, this reform—like the abbreviation -of bicycle clothes and the sending of bad writing by wire. - - * * * * * - -That choking female on the cover of the _Mid-Continent_ is still -tottering, but hasn’t tumbled yet. Neither have the publishers, it would -seem. - - * * * * * - -A hammock and a book and a horse and a yacht are really enough to begin -with for Robert Grant. He says as much in _Scribner’s_ and he doesn’t -care a dam for Newport for a week or two. How little the things of this -vain world appeal to those who can have them by touching a button. - - * * * * * - -It runs in the Howl family. W. Dean has a daughter who puts her poems -under display ad heads in _Scribner’s_. The decorative head is the thing. -The poem just belongs. - - * * * * * - -The last _Century_ is not so distinctly medieval as some of its -predecessors. - - * * * * * - -Mrs. Robert Humphrey Elsmere Ward has quit twaddling for a space. “Bessie -Costrell” is ended, and it’s a toss up between jubilate and nunc dimittis. - - * * * * * - -The current _Atlantic_ is very pacific—not to say mild. - - * * * * * - -The June _Chautauquan_ really praises “newspaper English.” This is the -time of year when the Reservation wants all the newspaper English it can -get for nothing. - -The amazing thing about that Amazing Marriage is the lot of talk the -proof reader has read about it. - - * * * * * - -Tarbell discovered Napoleon, but McClure discovered Tarbell. Now let’s -have a series of living documents—“Tarbell at 8,” “Tarbell at 9:30,” -“Tarbell at 46,” etc. - - * * * * * - -The World, the Flesh and the Devil have gone out of partnership in the -’Frisco _News-Letter_. The head of the firm retires. - - - -THE SPOTTED SPRINTER. - -AFTER THE MANNER OF MR. STEAMIN’ STORK. - - - I saw a man making a fool of himself; - He was writing a poem, - Scratch, scratch, scratch went his pen, - “Go ’way, Man,” says I; “you can’t do it.” - He picked up a handful of red devils and - Threw them at my head. - “You infernal liar,” he howled, - “I can write poetry with my toes!” - I was disquieted. I turned and - Ran like a Blue Streak for the Horizon, - Yelling Bloody Murder. - When I got there I - Bit a piece out of it - And lay down on my stomach and - Thought. - And breathed hard. - - -AN EARNEST CRY AND PRAYER. - -ADDRESSED TO THE BAIRNS AND OTHER RELATIVES OF ALL SUCCESSFUL AUTHORS. - - Ye kin of unco’ writing men, - How can ye sing sae weak, sae flat; - How can ye wag the little pen, - And I sae weary and a’ that! - - A near relation ye may ain, - Wha’s joyed me muckle in the past— - That canna sooth my inward pain— - Ye’ll break my swelling heart at last! - - Thou well mayst be a poet’s son, - And still shouldst gather trolley fare; - The daughter of a mighty one, - And yet shouldst maul the typewritair! - - Oh, relatives of canny men, - Think ye that I’ve a heart to feel; - Stay, stay the wild cavorting pen, - And gie my wounds a chance to heal. - - THE AHKOOND OF SWAT. - - -TO THE NICEST GIRL. - -AFTER THE FRENCH OF PIERRE DE RONSARD. - - Eyes of brown: The major key - In which, ’tis plain, days ought to be, - Seems all in minor chords; the strings - Have slipped down half-a-tone, and things - Are dark as blackest night to me. - - And why? Because your brown eyes bring - The vision of a heart to me; - The vision of a heart to sing - Of Life and Love and Loyalty— - I may not win. That’s why the strings - Are out of tune. - - H. P. T. - - - - -ADVERTISEMENTS. - - -ROCK & BUMBALL, Literary Undertakers. - -Peacock Feather Caskets a Specialty. Caxton Building, Chicago. - - * * * * * - -USE BLISS CARMAN’S CONDITION Powders. Make poets lay. Chicago and Canada. - - * * * * * - -H₂ BOYSEN, Literary Analyst. - -Ibsen interpreted while you wait. Columbia College, N. Y. - - * * * * * - -WALTER QUEER NICHOLS, ONE of Harper’s Young People, Manufacturer Castoria -Jokes. Warranted harmless. Address Harper’s Drawer, Franklin Square, New -York. - - * * * * * - -MAVERICK BRANDER MATTHEWS, Dealer in Local Color in bulk or tubes. -Columbia College, New York. Write for specimens. Reference, Bacheler, -Johnson & Bacheler. - - * * * * * - -WEE WILLIE WINTER, DESIGNER of graveyards. Weeps to order. References: A. -Daly, L. Langtry, A. Rehan. - - * * * * * - -CABLEGRAM. - - Nice, 1 Juin. - - To Bumball, Chicago: - - PHILISTINE received. Fire Carman. - - Rock. - - Coll $7.61. - - * * * * * - -_MEDITATIONS IN MOTLEY._ - -By WALTER BLACKBURN HARTE - -“Meditations in Motley” reveals a new American essayist, honest and -whimsical, with a good deal of decorative plain speaking. An occasional -carelessness of style is redeemed by unfailing insight.—I. ZANGWILL in -_The Pall Mall Magazine_ for April, 1895. - -A series of well written essays, remarkable on the whole for observation, -refinement of feeling and literary sense. The book may be taken as a -wholesome protest against the utilitarian efforts of the Time-Spirit, -and as a plea for the rights and liberties of the imagination. We -congratulate Mr. Harte on the success of his book.—_Public Opinion_, -London, England. - -Mr. Harte is not always so good in the piece as in the pattern, but he -is often a pleasant companion, and I have met with no volume of essays -from America since Miss Agnes Repplier’s so good as his “Meditations in -Motley.”—RICHARD LE GALLIENNE, in the London _Review_. - -PRICE, CLOTH $1.25. - -For sale by all Booksellers, or sent postpaid on receipt of price by THE -PHILISTINE. - - * * * * * - -_LITTLE JOURNEYS_ - -To the Homes of Good Men and Great. - -_A series of literary studies published in monthly numbers, tastefully -printed on hand-made paper, with attractive title-page._ - -By ELBERT HUBBARD - -The publishers announce that Little Journeys will be issued monthly and -that each number will treat of recent visits made by Mr. Elbert Hubbard -to the homes and haunts of various eminent persons. The subjects for the -first twelve numbers have been arranged as follows: - - 1. George Eliot - 2. Thomas Carlyle - 3. John Ruskin - 4. W. E. Gladstone - 5. J. M. W. Turner - 6. Jonathan Swift - 7. Victor Hugo - 8. Wm. Wordsworth - 9. W. M. Thackeray - 10. Charles Dickens - 11. Oliver Goldsmith - 12. Shakespeare - -_LITTLE JOURNEYS: Published Monthly, 50 cents a year. Single copies. 5 -cents, postage paid._ - -Published by G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS, - - 27 and 29 West 23d Street, New York. - 24 Bedford Street, Strand, London. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF -PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 2, JULY 1895) *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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