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} - .footnote {font-size: .9em; } - div.footnote p {text-indent: 2em; margin-bottom: .5em; } - .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } - .section { page-break-before: always; } - .ol_1 li {font-size: .9em; } - .x-ebookmaker .ol_1 li {padding-left: 1em; text-indent: 0em; } - body {font-family: Georgia, serif; text-align: justify; } - table {font-size: .9em; padding: 1.5em .5em 1em; page-break-inside: avoid; - clear: both; } - div.titlepage {text-align: center; page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; } - div.titlepage p {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 3em; } - .ph2 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; - page-break-before: always; } - .x-ebookmaker p.dropcap:first-letter { float: left; } - /* ]]> */ </style> - </head> - <body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Memoirs and Posthumous Works of Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, by Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Memoirs and Posthumous Works of Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 15, 2022 [eBook #67847]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Richard Tonsing and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS AND POSTHUMOUS WORKS OF MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN ***</div> - -<div class='tnotes covernote'> - -<p class='c000'><strong>Transcriber’s Note:</strong></p> - -<p class='c000'>The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p> - -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/i_frontispiece.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -<div class='ic001'> -<p><span class='sc'>Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin</span></p> -</div> -</div> - -<div class='titlepage'> - -<div> - <h1 class='c001'>MEMOIRS<br /> <span class='small'>AND</span><br /> <span class='xlarge'>POSTHUMOUS WORKS</span><br /> <span class='small'>OF</span><br /> <span class='large'>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN,</span><br /> <span class='xlarge'>AUTHOR</span><br /> <span class='small'>OF A</span><br /> <span class='large'>VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMAN.</span><br /> <span class='small'>IN TWO VOLUMES.</span><br /> <br /> <span class='xlarge'>VOL. I.</span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c002'> - <div>DUBLIN:</div> - <div class='c003'><em>Printed by Thomas Burnside</em>,</div> - <div><span class='small'>FOR J. RICE, III, GRAFTON-STREET.</span></div> - <div class='c003'>1798.</div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c004'>CONTENTS<br /> <span class='large'>OF VOL. I.</span></h2> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-b c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em><a href='#Memoirs'>Memoirs.</a></em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em><a href='#Letters'>Letters.</a></em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em><a href='#French'>Letter on the present Character of the French Nation.</a></em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em><a href='#Infants'>Letter on the Management of Infants.</a></em></div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><em><a href='#Johnson'>Letters to Mr. Johnson.</a></em></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> - <h2 id='Memoirs' class='c004'>MEMOIRS.</h2> -</div> - -<h3 class='c005'>CHAP. I.<br /> <span class='large'>1759–1775.</span></h3> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>It has always appeared to me, that to give to -the public some account of the life of a person -of eminent merit deceased, is a duty incumbent -on survivors. It seldom happens that such a person -passes through life, without being the subject -of thoughtless calumny, or malignant misrepresentation. -It cannot happen that the public at -large should be on a footing with their intimate -acquaintance, and be the observer of those virtues -which discover themselves principally in personal -intercourse. Every benefactor of mankind -is more or less influenced by a liberal passion -for fame; and survivors only pay a debt due to -these benefactors, when they assert and establish -on their part, the honour they loved. The justice -which is thus done to the illustrious dead, -converts into the fairest source of animation and -encouragement to those who would follow them -in the same career. The human species at large -<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span>is interested in this justice, as it teaches them to -place their respect and affection, upon those qualities -which best deserve to be esteemed and loved. -I cannot easily prevail on myself to doubt, that -the more fully we are presented with the picture -and story of such persons as are the subject of the -following narrative, the more generally shall we -feel in ourselves an attachment to their fate, and -a sympathy in their excellencies. There are not -many individuals with whose character the public -welfare and improvement are more intimately -connected, than the author of A Vindication of -the Rights of Woman.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The facts detailed in the following pages, are -principally taken from the mouth of the person -to whom they relate; and of the veracity and ingenuousness -of her habits, perhaps no one that -was ever acquainted with her, entertains a doubt. -The writer of this narrative, when he has met -with persons, that in any degree created to themselves -an interest and attachment in his mind, has -always felt a curiosity to be acquainted with the -scenes through which they had passed, and the -incidents that had contributed to form their understandings -and character. Impelled by this sentiment, -he repeatedly led the conversation of -Mary to topics of this sort; and, once or twice, -he made notes in her presence, of a few dates -calculated to arrange the circumstances in his -<span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span>mind. To the materials thus collected, he has -added an industrious enquiry among the persons -most intimately acquainted with her at the different -periods of her life.</p> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<p class='c007'>Mary Wollstonecraft was born on the 27th of -April 1759. Her father’s name was Edward -John, and the name of her mother Elizabeth, of -the family of Dixons of Ballyshannon in the kingdom -of Ireland: her paternal grandfather was a -respectable manufacturer in Spitalfields, and is -supposed to have left to his son a property of -10,000l. Three of her brothers and two sisters -are still living; their names, Edward, James, -Charles, Eliza, and Everina. Of these, Edward -only was older than herself; he resides in London. -James is in Paris, and Charles in or near Philadelphia -in America. Her sisters have for some -years been engaged in the office of governesses in -private families, and are both at present in Ireland.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am doubtful whether the father of Mary was -bred to any profession; but, about the time of her -birth, he resorted, rather perhaps as an amusement -than a business, to the occupation of farming. -He was of a very active, and somewhat versatile -disposition, and so frequently changed his -abode, as to throw some ambiguity upon the place -<span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span>of her birth. She told me, that the doubt in her -mind in that respect, lay between London, and a -farm upon Epping Forest, which was the principal -scene of the five first years of her life.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary was distinguished in early youth, by some -portion of that exquisite sensibility, soundness of -understanding, and decision of character, which -were the leading features of her mind through the -whole course of her life. She experienced in the -first period of her existence, but few of those indulgences -and marks of affection, which are principally -calculated to sooth the subjection and sorrows -of our early years. She was not the favourite -either of her father or mother. Her father -was a man of quick, impetuous disposition, subject -to alternate fits of kindness and cruelty. In -his family he was a despot, and his wife appears -to have been the first, and most submissive of his -subjects. The mother’s partiality was fixed upon -the eldest son, and her system of government relative -to Mary, was characterized by considerable -rigour. She, at length, became convinced of -her mistake, and adopted a different plan with -her younger daughters. When in the Wrongs -of Woman, Mary speaks of “the petty cares -which obscured the morning of her heroine’s life; -continual restraint in the most trivial matters; -unconditional submission to orders, which, as a -mere child, she soon discovered to be unreasonable, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span>because inconsistent and contradictory; and -the being obliged often to sit, in the presence of -her parents, for three or four hours together, -without daring to utter a word;” she is, I believe, -to be considered as copying the outline of the first -period of her own existence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But it was in vain that the blighting winds of -unkindness or indifference, seemed destined to -counteract the superiority of Mary’s mind. It -surmounted every obstacle; and, by degrees, -from a person little considered in the family, she -became in some sort its director and umpire. -The despotism of her education cost her many a -heart-ache. She was not formed to be the contented -and unresisting subject of a despot; but I -have heard her remark more than once, that, -when she felt she had done wrong, the reproof or -chastisement of her mother, instead of being a terror -to her, she found to be the only thing capable -of reconciling her to herself. The blows of -her father on the contrary, which were the mere -ebullitions of a passionate temper, instead of humbling -her, roused her indignation. Upon such occasions -she felt her superiority, and was apt to betray -marks of contempt. The quickness of her -father’s temper, led him sometimes to threaten -similar violence towards his wife. When that -was the case, Mary would often throw herself -between the despot and his victim, with the purpose -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>to receive upon her own person the blows -that might be directed against her mother. She -has even laid whole nights upon the landing-place -near their chamber-door, when, mistakenly, or -with reason, she apprehended that her father -might break out into paroxysms of violence. The -conduct he held towards the members of his family, -was of the same kind as that he observed towards -animals. He was for the most part extravagantly -fond of them; but, when he was displeased, -and this frequently happened, and for -very trivial reasons, his anger was alarming. -Mary was what Dr. Johnson would have called, -“a very good hater.” In some instance of passion -exercised by her father to one of his dogs, she -was accustomed to speak of her emotions of abhorrence, -as having risen to agony. In a word, -her conduct during her girlish years, was such, -as to extort some portion of affection from her -mother, and to hold her father in considerable -awe.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In one respect, the system of education of the -mother appears to have had merit. All her children -were vigorous and healthy. This seems -very much to depend upon the management of -our infant years. It is affirmed by some persons -of the present day, most profoundly skilled in the -sciences of health and disease, that there is no period -of human life so little subject to mortality as -<span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>the period of infancy. Yet, from the mismanagement -to which children are exposed, many -of the diseases of childhood are rendered fatal, and -more persons die in that, than in any other period -of human life. Mary had projected a work upon -this subject, which she had carefully considered, -and well understood. She has indeed left a specimen -of her skill in this respect in her eldest daughter, -three years and a half old, who is a singular -example of vigorous constitution and florid health. -Mr. Anthony Carlisle, surgeon, of Soho-square, -whom to name is sufficiently to honour, had promised -to revise her production. This is but one -out of numerous projects of activity and usefulness, -which her untimely death has fatally terminated.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The rustic situation in which Mary had spent -her infancy, no doubt contributed to confirm the -stamina of her constitution. She sported in the -open air, and amidst the picturesque and refreshing -scenes of nature, for which she always retained -the most exquisite relish. Dolls and the other -amusements usually appropriated to female children, -she held in contempt; and felt a much -greater propensity to join in the active and hardy -sports of her brothers, than to confine herself to -those of her own sex.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>About the time that Mary completed the fifth -year of her age, her father removed to a small -distance from his former habitation, and took a -farm near the Whalebone upon Epping Forest, -a little way out of the Chelmsford road. In -Michaelmas, 1765, he once more changed his -residence, and occupied a convenient house behind -the town of Barking in Essex, eight miles from -London. In this situation some of their nearest -neighbours were, Bamber Gascoyne, esquire, -successively member of parliament for several boroughs, -and his brother, Mr. Joseph Gascoyne. -Bamber Gascoyne resided but little on this spot; -but his brother was almost a constant inhabitant, -and his family in habits of the most frequent intercourse -with the family of Mary. Here Mr. -Wollstonecraft remained for three years. In September -1796, I accompanied my wife on a visit to -this spot. No person reviewed with greater sensibility, -the scenes of her childhood. We found -the house uninhabited, and the garden in a wild -and ruinous state. She renewed her acquaintance -with the market-place, the streets, and the wharf, -the latter of which we found crowded with barges, -and full of activity.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In Michaelmas, 1768, Mr. Wollstonecraft -again removed to a farm near Beverly in Yorkshire. -Here the family remained for six years, -and consequently, Mary did not quit this residence, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>till she had attained the age of fifteen years and -five months. The principal part of her school -education passed during this period: but it was -not to any advantage of infant literature, that she -was indebted for her subsequent eminence; her -education in this respect was merely such, as -was afforded by the day-schools of the place, in -which she resided. To her recollections Beverly -appeared a very handsome town, surrounded by -genteel families, and with a brilliant assembly. -She was surprized, when she visited it in 1795, -upon her voyage to Norway, to find the reality -so very much below the picture in her imagination.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Hitherto Mr. Wollstonecraft had been a farmer; -but the restlessness of his disposition would -not suffer him to content himself with the occupation -in which for some years he had been engaged, -and the temptation of a commercial speculation -of some sort being held out to him, he -removed to a house in Queen’s-Row, in Hoxton -near London, for the purpose of its execution. -Here he remained for a year and a half; but, being -frustrated in his expectations of profit, he, -after that term, gave up the project in which he -was engaged, and returned to his former pursuits. -During this residence at Hoxton, the writer of -these memoirs inhabited, as a student, at the dissenting -college in that place. It is perhaps a question -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>of curious speculation to enquire, what would -have been the amount of the difference in the -pursuits and enjoyments of each party, if they -had met, and considered each other with the same -distinguishing regard in 1776, as they were afterwards -impressed with in the year 1796. The -writer had then completed the twentieth, and -Mary the seventeenth year of her age. Which -would have been predominant; the disadvantages -of obscurity, and the pressure of a family; or the -gratifications and improvement that might have -flowed from their intercourse?</p> - -<p class='c007'>One of the acquaintances Mary formed at this -time was a Mr. Clare, who inhabited the next -house to that which was tenanted by her father, -and to whom she was probably in some degree -indebted for the early cultivation of her mind. -Mr. Clare was a clergyman, and appears to have -been a humourist of a very singular cast. In his -person he was deformed and delicate; and his -figure, I am told, bore a resemblance to that of -the celebrated Pope. He had a fondness for poetry, -and was not destitute of taste. His manners -were expressive of a tenderness and benevolence, -the demonstrations of which appeared to have -been somewhat too artificially cultivated. His -habits were those of a perfect recluse. He seldom -went out of his drawing-room, and he shewed to -a friend of Mary a pair of shoes, which had served -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>him, he said, for fourteen years. Mary frequently -spent days and weeks together, at the house of -Mr. Clare.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. II.<br /> <span class='large'>1775–1783.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>But a connection more memorable originated -about this time, between Mary and a person of -her own sex, for whom she contracted a friendship -so fervent, as for years to have constituted -the ruling passion of her mind. The name of -this person was Frances Blood; she was two years -older than Mary. Her residence was at that time -at Newington Butts, a village near the southern -extremity of the metropolis; and the original instrument -for bringing these two friends acquainted, -was Mrs. Clare, wife of the gentleman already -mentioned, who was on a footing of considerable -intimacy with both parties. The acquaintance -of Fanny, like that of Mr. Clare, contributed -to ripen the immature talents of Mary.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The situation in which Mary was introduced -to her, bore a resemblance to the first interview -of Werter with Charlotte. She was conducted -to the door of a small house, but furnished with -peculiar neatness and propriety. The first object -that caught her sight, was a young woman of a -slender and elegant form, and eighteen years of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>age, busily employed in feeding and managing -some children, born of the same parents, but -considerably inferior to her in age. The impression -Mary received from this spectacle was indelible; -and, before the interview was concluded, -she had taken, in her heart, the vows of an eternal -friendship.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Fanny was a young woman of extraordinary accomplishments. -She sung and played with taste. -She drew with exquisite fidelity and neatness; and -by the employment of this talent, for some time -maintained her father, mother, and family, but -ultimately ruined her health by her extraordinary -exertions. She read and wrote with considerable -application; and the same ideas of minute and delicate -propriety followed her in these, as in her -other occupations.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary, a wild, but animated and aspiring girl -of sixteen, contemplated Fanny, in the first instance, -with sentiments of inferiority and reverence. -Though they were much together, yet, -the distance of their habitation being considerable, -they supplied the want of more frequent interviews -by an assiduous correspondence. Mary found -Fanny’s letters better spelt and better indited than -her own, and felt herself abashed. She had hitherto -paid but a superficial attention to literature. -She had read, to gratify the ardor of an inextinguishable -<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>thirst of knowledge; but she had not -thought of writing as an art. Her ambition to -excel was now awakened, and she applied herself -with passion and earnestness. Fanny undertook -to be her instructor; and, so far as related to accuracy -and method, her lessons were given with -considerable skill.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It has already been mentioned that in the spring -of the year 1776, Mr. Wollstonecroft quitted his -situation at Hoxton, and returned to his former -agricultural pursuits. The situation upon which -he now fixed was in Wales, a circumstance that -was felt as a severe blow to Mary’s darling spirit -of friendship. The principal acquaintance of the -Wollstonecrofts in this retirement, was the family -of a Mr. Allen, two of whose daughters are since -married to the two elder sons of the celebrated -English potter, Josiah Wedgwood.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Wales however was Mr. Wollstonecroft’s residence -for little more than a year. He returned to -the neighbourhood of London; and Mary, whose -spirit of independence was unalterable, had influence -enough to determine his choice in favour of -the village of Walworth, that she might be near -her chosen friend. It was probably before this, -that she has once or twice started the idea of quitting -her parental roof, and providing for herself. -But she was prevailed upon to resign this idea, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>and conditions were stipulated with her, relative -to her having an apartment in the house that -should be exclusively her own, and her commanding -the other requisites of study. She did not -however think herself fairly treated in these instances, -and either the conditions abovementioned, -or some others, were not observed in the sequel, -with the fidelity she expected. In one case, -she had procured an eligible situation, and every -thing was settled respecting her removal to it, -when the intreaties and tears of her mother led her -to surrender her own inclinations, and abandon -the engagement.</p> - -<p class='c007'>These however were only temporary delays. -Her propensities continued the same, and the motives -by which she was instigated were unabated. -In the year 1778, she being nineteen years of age, -a proposal was made to her of living as a companion -with a Mrs. Dawson of Bath, a widow lady, -with one son already adult. Upon enquiry she -found that Mrs. Dawson was a woman of great -peculiarity of temper, that she had had a great -variety of companions in succession, and that no -one had found it practicable to continue with her. -Mary was not discouraged by this information, -and accepted the situation, with a resolution that -she would effect in this respect, what none of her -predecessors had been able to do. In the sequel -she had reason to consider the account she had received -<span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>as sufficiently accurate, but she did not relax -in her endeavours. By method, constancy -and firmness, she found the means of making her -situation tolerable; and Mrs. Dawson would occasionally -confess, that Mary was the only person -that had lived with her in that situation, in her -treatment of whom she felt herself under any restraint.</p> - -<p class='c007'>With Mrs. Dawson she continued to reside for -two years, and only left her, summoned by the -melancholy circumstance of her mother’s rapidly -declining health. True to the calls of humanity, -Mary felt in this intelligence an irresistible motive, -and eagerly returned to the paternal roof which -she had before resolutely quitted. The residence -of her father at this time, was at Enfield near -London. He had, I believe, given up agriculture -from the time of his quitting Wales, it appearing -that he now made it less a source of profit -than loss, and being thought advisable that he -should rather live upon the interest of his property -already in possession.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The illness of Mrs. Wollstonecroft was lingering, -but hopeless. Mary was assiduous in her attendance -upon her mother. At first, every attention -was received with acknowledgements and -gratitude; but, as the attentions grew habitual, -and the health of the mother more and more -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>wretched, they were rather exacted, than received. -Nothing would be taken by the unfortunate -patient, but from the hands of Mary; rest was -denied night or day, and by the time nature was -exhausted in the parent, the daughter was qualified -to assume her place, and become in turn herself -a patient. The last words her mother ever -uttered were, “A little patience, and all will be -over!” and these words are repeatedly referred to -by Mary in the course of her writings.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Upon the death of Mrs. Wollstonecraft, Mary -bid a final adieu to the roof of her father. According -to my memorandum, I find her next the -inmate of Fanny at Walham-Green, near the village -of Fulham. Upon what plan they now lived -together, I am unable to ascertain; certainly not -that of Mary’s becoming in any degree an additional -burthen upon the industry of her friend. -Thus situated, their intimacy ripened; they approached -more nearly to a footing of equality; -and their attachment became more rooted and active.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary was ever ready at the call of distress, -and, in particular, during her whole life was eager -and active to promote the welfare of every -member of her family. In 1780 she attended the -death-bed of her mother; in 1782 she was summoned -by a not less melancholy occasion, to attend -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>her sister Eliza, married to a Mr. Bishop, -who, subsequently to a dangerous lying-in, remained -for some months in a very afflicting situation. -Mary continued with her sister without intermission, -to her perfect recovery.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. III.<br /> <span class='large'>1783–1785.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>Mary was now arrived at the twenty-fourth -year of her age. Her project, five years before, -had been personal independence; it was now usefulness. -In the solitude of attendance on her sister’s -illness, and during the subsequent convalescence, -she had leisure to ruminate upon purposes -of this sort. Her expanded mind led her to seek -something more arduous than the mere removal of -personal vexations; and the sensibility of her -heart would not suffer her to rest in solitary gratifications. -The derangement of her father’s affairs -daily became more and more glaring; and -a small independent provision made for herself -and her sisters appears to have been sacrificed in -the wreck. For ten years, from 1782 to 1792, -she may be said to have been, in a great degree, -the victim of a desire to promote the benefit of -others. She did not foresee the severe disappointment -with which an exclusive purpose of this sort -is pregnant; she was inexperienced enough to lay -a stress upon the consequent gratitude of those she -benefited; and she did not sufficiently consider -that, in proportion as we involve ourselves in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>interests and society of others, we acquire a more -exquisite sense of their defects, and are tormented -with their untractableness and folly.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The project upon which she now determined, -was no other than that of a day-school, to be superintended -by Fanny Blood, herself, and her two -sisters.</p> - -<p class='c007'>They accordingly opened one in the year 1783, -at the village of Islington; but in the course of a -few months removed it to Newington Green. -Here Mary formed some acquaintances who influenced -the future events of her life. The first of -these in her own estimation was Dr. Richard -Price, well known for his political and mathematical -calculations, and universally esteemed by -those who knew him, for the simplicity of his -manners, and the ardour of his benevolence. The -regard conceived by these two persons for each -other, was mutual, and partook of a spirit of the -purest attachment. Mary had been bred in the -principles of the church of England, but her esteem -for this venerable preacher led her occasionally -to attend upon his public instructions. Her -religion was, in reality, little allied to any system -of forms; and, as she has often told me, was -founded rather in taste, than in the niceties of polemical -discussion. Her mind constitutionally attached -itself to the sublime and the amiable. She -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>found an inexpressible delight in the beauties of -nature, and in the splendid reveries of the imagination. -But nature itself, she thought, would be -no better than a vast blank, if the mind of the observer -did not supply it with an animating soul. -When she walked amidst the wonders of nature, -she was accustomed to converse with her God. -To her mind he was pictured as not less amiable, -generous and kind, than great, wise and exalted. -In fact, she had received few lessons of religion in -her youth, and her religion was almost entirely of -her own creation. But she was not on that account -the less attached to it, or the less scrupulous -in discharging what she considered as its duties. -She could not recollect the time when she had believed -the doctrine of future punishments. The -tenets of her system were the growth of her own -moral taste, and her religion therefore had always -been a gratification, never a terror to her. She -expected a future state; but she would not allow -her ideas of that future state to be modified by the -notions of judgment and retribution. From this -sketch, it is sufficiently evident, that the pleasure -she took in an occasional attendance upon the sermons -of Dr. Price, was not accompanied with a -superstitious adherence to his doctrines. The fact -is, that, so far down as the year 1787, she regularly -frequented public worship, for the most part -according to the forms of the church of England. -After that period her attendance became less constant, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>and in no long time was wholly discontinued. -I believe it may be admitted as a maxim, -that no person of a well furnished mind, that has -shaken off the implicit subjection of youth, and -is not the zealous partisan of a sect, can bring -himself to conform to the public and regular routine -of sermons and prayers.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Another of the friends she acquired at this period, -was Mrs. Burgh, widow of the author of -the Political Disquisitions, a woman universally -well spoken of for the warmth and purity of her -benevolence. Mary, whenever she had occasion -to allude to her, to the last period of her life, paid -the tribute due to her virtues. The only remaining -friend necessary to be enumerated in this place, -is the Rev. John Hewlet, now master of a Boarding-school -at Schecklewel near Hackney, whom I -shall have occasion to mention hereafter.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have already said that Fanny’s health had -been materially injured by her incessant labours -for the maintenance of her family. She had also -suffered a disappointment, which preyed upon -her mind. To these different sources of ill health -she became gradually a victim: and at length -discovered all the symptoms of a pulmonary consumption. -By the medical men that attended -her, she was advised to try the effects of a southern -<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>climate; and, about the beginning of the -year 1785, sailed for Lisbon.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The first feeling with which Mary had contemplated -her friend, was a sentiment of inferiority -and reverence; but that, from the operation -of a ten years’ acquaintance, was considerably -changed. Fanny had originally been far before -her in literary attainments; this disparity no -longer existed. In whatever degree Mary might -endeavour to free herself from the delusions of -self-esteem, this period of observation upon her -own mind and that of her friend, could not pass, -without her perceiving that there were some essential -characteristics of genius, which she possessed, -and in which her friend was deficient. The -principal of these was a firmness of mind, an unconquerable -greatness of soul, by which, after a -short internal struggle, she was accustomed to -rise above difficulties and suffering. Whatever -Mary undertook, she perhaps in all instances accomplished; -and, to her lofty spirit, scarcely -any thing she desired, appeared hard to perform. -Fanny, on the contrary, was a woman of a timid -and irresolute nature, accustomed to yield to -difficulties, and probably priding herself in this -morbid softness of her temper. One instance -that I have heard Mary relate of this sort, was, -that, at a certain time, Fanny, dissatisfied with -her domestic situation, expressed an earnest desire -<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>to have a home of her own. Mary, who felt nothing -more pressing than to relieve the inconveniencies -of her friend, determined to accomplish -this object for her. It cost her infinite exertions; -but at length she was able to announce to Fanny -that a house was prepared, and that she was on -the spot to receive her. The answer which -Fanny returned to the letter of her friend, consisted -almost wholly of an enumeration of objections -to the quitting her family, which she had -not thought of before, but which now appeared -to her of considerable weight.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The judgment which experience had taught -Mary to form of the mind of her friend, determined -her in the advice she gave, at the period to -which I have brought down the story. Fanny -was recommended to seek a softer climate, but -she had no funds to defray the expence of such an -undertaking. At this time Mr. Hugh Skeys of -Dublin, but then resident in the kingdom of Portugal, -paid his addresses to her. The state of her -health Mary considered such as scarcely to afford -the shadow of a hope; it was not therefore a -time at which it was most obvious to think of -marriage. She conceived however that nothing -should be omitted, which might alleviate, if it -could not cure; and accordingly urged her speedy -acceptance of the proposal. Fanny accordingly -made the voyage to Lisbon; and the marriage -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>took place on the twenty-fourth of February -1785.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The change of climate and situation was productive -of little benefit; and the life of Fanny was -only prolonged by a period of pregnancy, which -soon declared itself. Mary, in the mean time, -was impressed with the idea that her friend would -die in this distant country; and, shocked with the -recollection of her separation from the circle of her -friends, determined to pass over to Lisbon to attend -her. This resolution was treated by her acquaintance -as in the utmost degree visionary; but -she was not to be diverted from her point. She -had not money to defray her expences: she must -quit for a long time the school, the very existence -of which probably depended upon her exertions.</p> - -<p class='c007'>No person was ever better formed for the business -of education; if it be not a sort of absurdity -to speak of a person as formed for an inferior object, -who is in possession of talents, in the fullest -degree adequate to something on a more important -and comprehensive scale. Mary had a quickness -of temper, not apt to take offence with inadvertencies, -but which led her to imagine that she -saw the mind of the person with whom she had -any transaction, and to refer the principle of her -approbation or displeasure to the cordiality or injustice -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>of their sentiments. She was occasionally -severe and imperious in her resentments; and, -when she strongly disapproved, was apt to express -her censure in terms that gave a very humiliating -sensation to the person against whom it was directed. -Her displeasure however never assumed -its severest form, but when it was barbed by disappointment. -Where she expected little, she was -not very rigid in her censure of error.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But, to whatever the defects of her temper -might amount, they were never exercised upon -her inferiors in station or age. She scorned to -make use of an ungenerous advantage, or to -wound the defenceless. To her servants there -never was a mistress more considerate or more -kind. With children she was the mirror of patience. -Perhaps, in all her extensive experience -upon the subject of education, she never betrayed -one symptom of irascibility. Her heart was the -seat of every benevolent feeling; and accordingly, -in all her intercourse with children, it was kindness -and sympathy alone that prompted her conduct. -Sympathy, when it mounts to a certain -height, inevitably begets affection in the person -to whom it is exercised; and I have heard her -say, that she never was concerned in the education -of one child, who was not personally attached to -her, and earnestly concerned not to incur her displeasure. -Another eminent advantage she possessed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>in the business of education, was that she -was little troubled with scepticism and uncertainty. -She saw, as it were by intuition, the path which -her mind determined to pursue, and had a firm -confidence in her own power to effect what she -desired. Yet, with all this, she had scarcely a -tincture of obstinacy. She carefully watched -symptoms as they rose, and the success of her experiments; -and governed herself accordingly. -While I thus enumerate her more than maternal -qualities, it is impossible not to feel a pang at the -recollection of her orphan children!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Though her friends earnestly dissuaded her -from the journey to Lisbon, she found among -them a willingness to facilitate the execution of -her project, when it was once fixed. Mrs. -Burgh in particular, supplied her with money, -which however she always conceived came from -Dr. Price. This loan, I have reason to believe, -was faithfully repaid.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It was during her residence at Newington Green, -that she was introduced to the acquaintance of -Dr. Johnson, who was at that time considered as -in some sort the father of English literature. The -doctor treated her with particular kindness and -attention, had a long conversation with her, and -desired her to repeat her visit often. This she -firmly purposed to do; but the news of his last -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>illness, and then of his death, intervened to prevent -her making a second visit.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Her residence in Lisbon was not long. She arrived -but a short time before her friend was prematurely -delivered, and the event was fatal to -both mother and child. Frances Blood, hitherto -the chosen object of Mary’s attachment, died on -the 29th of November, 1785.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is thus that she speaks of her in her letters -from Norway, written ten years after her decease. -“When a warm heart has received strong impressions, -they are not to be effaced. Emotions -become sentiments; and the imagination renders -even transient sensations permanent, by fondly retracing -them. I cannot, without a thrill of delight, -recollect views I have seen, which are not -to be forgotten, nor looks I have felt in every -nerve, which I shall never more meet. The -grave has closed over a dear friend, the friend of -my youth; still she is present with me, and I -hear her soft voice warbling as I stray over the -heath.”</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. IV.<br /> <span class='large'>1785–1787.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>No doubt the voyage to Lisbon tended considerably -to enlarge the understanding of Mary. -She was admitted into the best company the English -factory afforded. She made many profound -observations on the character of the natives, and -the baleful effects of superstition. The obsequies -of Fanny, which it was necessary to perform by -stealth and in darkness, tended to invigorate these -observations in her mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>She sailed upon her voyage home about the -twentieth of December. On this occasion a circumstance -occurred, that deserves to be recorded. -While they were on their passage, they fell in -with a French vessel, in great distress, and in -daily expectation of foundering at sea, at the same -time that it was almost destitute of provisions. -The Frenchman hailed them, and intreated the -English captain, in consideration of his melancholy -situation, to take him and his crew on board. -The Englishman represented in reply, that his -stock of provisions was by no means adequate to -such an additional number of mouths, and absolutely -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>refused compliance. Mary, shocked at -his apparent insensibility, took up the cause of -the sufferers, and threatened the captain to have -him called to a severe account, when he arrived -in England. She finally prevailed, and had the -satisfaction to reflect, that the persons in -question possibly owed their lives to her interposition.</p> - -<p class='c007'>When she arrived in England, she found that -her school had suffered considerably in her absence. -It can be little reproach to any one, to -say that they were found incapable of supplying -her place. She not only excelled in the management -of the children, but had also the talent of -being attentive and obliging to the parents, without -degrading herself.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The period at which I am now arrived is important, -as conducting to the first step of her literary -career. Mr. Hewlet had frequently mentioned -literature to Mary as a certain source of pecuniary -produce, and had urged her to make trial -of the truth of his judgment. At this time she -was desirous of assisting the father and mother of -Fanny in an object they had in view, the transporting -themselves to Ireland; and, as usual, -what she desired in a pecuniary view, she was ready -to take on herself to effect. For this purpose -she wrote a duodecimo pamphlet of one hundred -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>and sixty pages, entitled, Thoughts on the Education -of Daughters. Mr. Hewlet obtained from -the bookseller, Mr. Johnson in St. Paul’s Church -Yard, ten guineas for the copy-right of this manuscript, -which she immediately applied to the -object for the sake of which the pamphlet was -written.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Every thing urged Mary to put an end to the -affair of the school. She was dissatisfied with -the different appearance it presented upon her return, -from the state in which she left it. Experience -impressed upon her a rooted aversion to -that sort of cohabitation with her sisters, which -the project of the school imposed. Cohabitation -is a point of delicate experiment, and is, in a -majority of instances, pregnant with ill humour -and unhappiness. The activity and ardent spirit -of adventure which characterized Mary, were -not felt in an equal degree by her sisters, so that -a disproportionate share of every burthen attendant -upon the situation, fell to her lot. On the -other hand, they could scarcely perhaps be perfectly -easy, in observing the superior degree of -deference and courtship, which her merit extorted -from almost every one that knew her. Her kindness -for them was not diminished, but she resolved -that the mode of its exertion in future should -be different, tending to their benefit, without intrenching -upon her own liberty.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>Thus circumstanced, a proposal was made her, -such as, regarding only the situations through -which she had lately passed, is usually termed advantageous. -This was, to accept the office of -governess to the daughters of Lord Viscount -Kingsborough, eldest son to the Earl of Kingston -of the kingdom of Ireland. The terms held -out to her, were such as she determined to accept, -at the same time resolving to retain the situation -only for a short time. Independence was -the object after which she thirsted, and she was -fixed to try whether it might not be found in literary -occupation. She was desirous however first -to accumulate a small sum of money, which -should enable her to consider at leisure the different -literary engagements that might offer, and -provide in some degree for the eventual deficiency -of her earliest attempts.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The situation in the family of Lord Kingsborough, -was offered to her through the medium -of the Rev. Mr. Prior, at that time one of the -under masters of Eton school. She spent some -time at the house of this gentleman, immediately -after her giving up the school at Newington -Green. Here she had an opportunity of making -an accurate observation upon the manners and -conduct of that celebrated seminary, and the ideas -she retained of it were by no means favourable. -By all that she saw, she was confirmed in a very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>favourite opinion of her’s, in behalf of day-schools, -where, as she expressed it, “children -have the opportunity of conversing with children, -without interfering with domestic affections, the -foundation of virtue.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>Though her residence in the family of Lord -Kingsborough continued scarcely more than -twelve months, she left behind her, with them -and their connections, a very advantageous impression. -The governesses the young ladies had -hitherto had, were only a species of upper servants, -controlled in every thing by the mother; -Mary insisted upon the unbounded exercise of her -own discretion. When the young ladies heard of -their governess coming from England, they heard -in imagination of a new enemy, and declared their -resolution to guard themselves accordingly. Mary -however speedily succeeded in gaining their confidence, -and the friendship that soon grew up between -her and Margaret King, now Countess -Mount Cashel, the eldest daughter, was in an uncommon -degree cordial and affectionate. Mary -always spoke of this young lady in terms of the -truest applause, both in relation to the eminence -of her intellectual powers, and the ingenuous -amiableness of her disposition. Lady Kingsborough, -from the best motives, had imposed upon -her daughters a variety of prohibitions, both as to -the books they should read, and in many other respects. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>These prohibitions had their usual effects; -inordinate desire for the things forbidden, -and clandestine indulgence. Mary immediately -restored the children to their liberty, and undertook -to govern them by their affections only. The -salutary effects of the new system of education -were speedily visible; and Lady Kingsborough -soon felt no other uneasiness than lest the children -should love their governess better than their mother.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary made many friends in Ireland, among the -persons who visited Lord Kingsborough’s house, -for she always appeared there with the air of an -equal, and not of a dependent. I have heard her -mention the ludicrous distress of a woman of quality, -whose name I have forgotten, that, in a large -company, singled out Mary, and entered into a -long conversation with her. After the conversation -was over, she enquired whom she had been -talking with, and found, to her utter mortification -and dismay, that it was Miss King’s governess.</p> - -<p class='c007'>One of the persons among her Irish acquaintance, -whom Mary was accustomed to speak of -with the highest respect, was Mr. George Ogle, -member of parliament for the county of Wexford. -She held his talents in very high estimation; she -was strongly prepossessed in favour of the goodness -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>of his heart; and she always spoke of him as -the most perfect gentleman she had ever known. -She felt the regret of a disappointed friend, at -the part he has lately taken in the politics of Ireland.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Lord Kingsborough’s family passed the summer -of the year 1787 at Bristol Hot-Wells, and had -formed the project of proceeding from thence to -the Continent, a tour in which Mary purposed to -accompany them. The plan however was ultimately -given up, and Mary in consequence closed -her connection with them, earlier than she otherwise -had purposed to do.</p> - -<p class='c007'>At Bristol Hot-Wells she composed the little -book which bears the title of Mary, a Fiction. A -considerable part of this story consists, with certain -modifications, of the incidents of her own -friendship with Fanny. All the events that do -not relate to that subject are fictitious.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This little work, if Mary had never produced -any thing else, would serve, with persons of true -taste and sensibility, to establish the eminence of -her genius. The story is nothing. He that -looks into the book only for incident, will probably -lay it down with disgust. But the feelings -are of the truest and most exquisite class; every -circumstance is adorned with that species of imagination, -which enlists itself under the banners of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>delicacy and sentiment. A work of sentiment, -as it is called, is too often another name for a -work of affectation. He that should imagine -that the sentiments of this book are affected, -would indeed be entitled to our profoundest commiseration.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. V.<br /> <span class='large'>1787–1790.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>Being now determined to enter upon her literary -plan, Mary came immediately from Bristol -to the metropolis. Her conduct under this -circumstance was such as to do credit both to her -own heart, and that of Mr. Johnson, her publisher, -between whom and herself there now -commenced an intimate friendship. She had seen -him upon occasion of publishing her Thoughts on -the Education of Daughters, and she addressed -two or three letters to him during her residence -in Ireland. Upon her arrival in London in August -1787, she went immediately to his house, -and frankly explained to him her purpose, at the -same time requesting his assistance and advice as to -its execution. After a short conversation Mr. -Johnson invited her to make his house her home, -till she should have suited herself with a fixed residence. -She accordingly resided at this time two -or three weeks under his roof. At the same period -she paid a visit or two of similar duration to -some friends, at no great distance from the metropolis.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>At Michaelmas 1787, she entered upon a house -in George-street, on the Surry side of Black Friar’s -Bridge, which Mr. Johnson had provided for -her during her excursion into the country. The -three years immediately ensuing, may be said, in -the ordinary acceptation of the term, to have -been the most active period of her life. She -brought with her to this habitation, the novel of -Mary, which had not yet been sent to the press, -and the commencement of a sort of oriental tale, -entitled, the Cave of Fancy, which she thought -proper afterwards to lay aside unfinished. I am -told that at this period she appeared under great -dejection of spirits, and filled with melancholy -regret for the loss of her youthful friend. A period -of two years had elapsed since the death of that -friend; but it was possibly the composition of the -fiction of Mary, that renewed her sorrows in their -original force. Soon after entering upon her new -habitation, she produced a little work, entitled, -Original Stories from Real Life, intended for the -use of children. At the commencement of her -literary career, she is said to have conceived a vehement -aversion to the being regarded, by her -ordinary acquaintance, in the character of an author, -and to have employed some precautions to -prevent its occurrence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The employment which the bookseller suggested -to her, as the easiest and most certain source of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>pecuniary income, of course, was translation. -With this view she improved herself in her -French, with which she had previously but a -slight acquaintance, and acquired the Italian and -German languages. The greater part of her literary -engagements at this time, were such as -were presented to her by Mr. Johnson. She new-modelled -and abridged a work, translated from -the Dutch, entitled, Young Grandison: she began -a translation from the French, of a book, called, -the New Robinson; but in this undertaking, -she was, I believe, anticipated by another translator: -and she compiled a series of extracts in verse -and prose, upon the model of Dr. Enfield’s -Speaker, which bears the title of the Female -Reader; but which, from a cause not worth -mentioning, has hitherto been printed with a different -name in the title-page.</p> - -<p class='c007'>About the middle of the year 1788, Mr. Johnson -instituted the Analytical Review, in which -Mary took a considerable share. She also translated -Necker on the Importance of Religious opinions; -made an abridgement of Lavater’s Physiognomy, -from the French, which has never been -published; and compressed Salzmann’s Elements -of Morality, a German production, into a publication -in three volumes duodecimo. The translation -of Salzmann produced a correspondence -between Mary and the author; and he afterwards -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>repaid the obligation to her in kind, by a German -translation of the Rights of Woman. Such were -her principal literary occupations, from the autumn -of 1787, to the autumn of 1790.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It perhaps deserves to be remarked that this sort -of miscellaneous literary employment, seems, for -the time at least, rather to damp and contract, -than to enlarge and invigorate the genius. The -writer is accustomed to see his performances answer -the mere mercantile purpose of the day, and -confounded with those of persons to whom he is -secretly conscious of a superiority. No neighbour -mind serves as a mirror to reflect the generous -confidence he felt within himself; and perhaps -the man never yet existed who could maintain his -enthusiasm to its full vigour, in the midst of this -kind of solitariness. He is touched with the torpedo -of mediocrity. I believe that nothing which -Mary produced during this period, is marked with -those daring flights, which exhibit themselves in -the little fiction she composed just before its commencement. -Among effusions of a nobler cast, -I find occasionally interspersed some of that homily-language, -which, to speak from my own feelings, -is calculated to damp the moral courage, it -was intended to awaken. This is probably to be -assigned to the causes above described.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>I have already said that one of the purposes -which Mary had conceived, a few years before, -as necessary to give a relish to the otherwise insipid, -or embittered, draught of human life, was -usefulness. On this side, the period of her existence -of which I am now treating, is more brilliant, -than in any literary view. She determined -to apply as great a part as possible of the produce -of her present employments, to the assistance of -her friends and of the distressed; and, for this -purpose, laid down to herself rules of the most -rigid economy. She began with endeavouring to -promote the interest of her sisters. She conceived -that there was no situation in which she could -place them, at once so respectable and agreeable, -as that of governesses in private families. She -determined therefore in the first place, to endeavour -to qualify them for such an undertaking. -Her younger sister she sent to Paris, where she remained -near two years. The elder she placed in -a school near London, first as a parlour-boarder, -and afterwards as a teacher. Her brother James, -who had already been at sea, she first took into -her house, and next sent to Woolwich for instruction, -to qualify him for a respectable situation in -the royal navy, where he was shortly after made -a lieutenant. Charles, who was her favourite -brother, had been articled to the eldest, an attorney -in the Minories; but, not being satisfied with -his situation, she removed him; and in some time -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>after, having first placed him with a farmer for -instruction, she fitted him out for America, where -his speculations, founded upon the basis she had -provided, are said to have been extremely prosperous. -The reason so much of this parental sort -of care fell upon her, was, that her father had -by this time considerably embarrassed his circumstances. -His affairs having grown too complex -for himself to disentangle, he had entrusted them -to the management of a near relation; but Mary, -not being satisfied with the conduct of the business, -took them into her own hands. The exertions -she made, and the struggles which she entered -into however, in this instance, were ultimately -fruitless. To the day of her death her father -was almost wholly supported by funds which -she supplied to him. In addition to her exertions -for her own family, she took a young girl of about -seven years of age under her protection and care, -the niece of Mrs. John Hunter, and of the present -Mrs. Skeys, for whose mother, then lately -dead, she had entertained a sincere friendship.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The period, from the end of the year 1787 to -the end of the year 1790, though consumed in -labours of little eclat, served still further to establish -her in a friendly connection from which she -derived many pleasures. Mr. Johnson, the bookseller, -contracted a great personal regard for her, -which resembled in many respects that of a parent. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>As she frequented his house, she of course became -acquainted with his guests. Among these -may be mentioned as persons possessing her esteem, -Mr. Bonnycastle, the mathematician, the late -Mr. George Anderson, accountant to the board -of control, Dr. George Fordyce, and Mr. Fuseli, -the celebrated painter. Between both of the -two latter and herself, there existed sentiments of -genuine affection and friendship.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. VI.<br /> <span class='large'>1790–1792.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>Hitherto the literary career of Mary, had -for the most part, been silent; and had been productive -of income to herself, without apparently -leading to the wreath of fame. From this time -she was destined to attract the notice of the public, -and perhaps no female writer ever obtained -so great a degree of celebrity throughout Europe.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It cannot be doubted that, while, for three -years of literary employment, she “held the -noiseless tenor of her way,” her mind was insensibly -advancing towards a vigorous maturity. The -uninterrupted habit of composition gave a freedom -and firmness to the expression of her sentiments. -The society she frequented, nourished her understanding, -and enlarged her mind. The French -revolution, while it gave a fundamental shock to -the human intellect through every region of the -globe, did not fail to produce a conspicuous effect -in the progress of Mary’s reflections. The prejudices -of her early years suffered a vehement -concussion. Her respect for establishments was -<span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>undermined. At this period occurred a misunderstanding -upon public grounds, with one of her -early friends, whose attachment to musty creeds -and exploded absurdities, had been increased, by -the operation of those very circumstances, by -which her mind had been rapidly advanced in the -race of independence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The event, immediately introductory to the -rank which from this time she held in the lists of -literature, was the publication of Burke’s Reflections -on the Revolution in France. This book, -after having been long promised to the world, -finally made its appearance on the first of November -1790; and Mary, full of sentiments of liberty, -and impressed with a warm interest in the -struggle that was now going on, seized her pen in -the first bursts of indignation, an emotion of which -she was strongly susceptible. She was in the habit -of composing with rapidity, and her answer, -which was the first of the numerous ones that appeared, -obtained extraordinary notice. Marked -as it is with the vehemence and impetuousness of -its eloquence, it is certainly chargeable with a too -contemptuous and intemperate treatment of the -great man against whom its attack is directed. -But this circumstance was not injurious to the success -of the publication. Burke had been warmly -loved by the most liberal and enlightened friends -of freedom, and they were proportionably inflamed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>and disgusted by the fury of his assault, upon -what they deemed to be its sacred cause.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Short as was the time in which Mary composed -her Answer to Burke’s Reflections, there was -one anecdote she told me concerning it, which -seems worth recording in this place. It was sent -to the press, as is the general practice when the -early publication of a piece is deemed a matter of -importance, before the composition was finished. -When Mary had arrived at about the middle of -her work, she was seized with a temporary fit of -torpor and indolence, and began to repent of -her undertaking. In this state of mind, she -called, one evening, as she was in the practice -of doing, upon her publisher, for the purpose of -relieving herself by an hour or two’s conversation. -Here, the habitual ingenuousness of her -nature, led her to describe what had just past in -her thoughts. Mr. Johnson immediately, in a -kind and friendly way, intreated her not to put -any constraint upon her inclination, and to give -herself no uneasiness about the sheets already printed, -which he would cheerfully throw a side, if it -would contribute to her happiness. Mary had -wanted stimulus. She had not expected to be encouraged, -in what she well knew to be an unreasonable -access of idleness. Her friend’s so readily -falling in with her ill humour, and seeming to expect -that she would lay aside her undertaking, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>piqued her pride. She immediately went home; -and proceeded to the end of her work, with no -other interruptions but what were absolutely indispensible.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is probable that the applause which attended -her Answer to Burke, elevated the tone of her -mind. She had always felt much confidence in -her own powers; but it cannot be doubted, that -the actual perception of a similar feeling respecting -us in a multitude of others, must increase the -confidence, and stimulate the adventure of any -human being. Mary accordingly proceeded, in -a short time after, to the composition of her most -celebrated production, the Vindication of the -Rights of Woman.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Never did any author enter into a cause, with -a more ardent desire to be found, not a flourishing -and empty declaimer, but an effectual champion. -She considered herself as standing forth in defence -of one half of the human species, labouring under -a yoke which, through all the records of time, -had degraded them from the station of rational -beings, and almost sunk them to the level of the -brutes. She saw indeed, that they were often attempted -to be held in silken fetters, and bribed -into the love of slavery; but the disguise and the -treachery served only the more fully to confirm -<span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>her opposition. She regarded her sex in the language -of Calista, as</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b c009'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>“In every state of life the slaves of men:”</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'>the rich as alternately under the despotism of a -father, a brother, and a husband; and the middling -and the poorer classes shut out from the acquisition -of bread with independence, when they -are not shut out from the very means of an industrious -subsistence. Such were the views she -entertained of the subject; and such the feelings -with which she warmed her mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The work is certainly a very bold and original -production. The strength and firmness with -which the author repels the opinions of Rousseau, -Dr. Gregory, and Dr. James Fordyce, respecting -the condition of women, cannot but make a strong -impression upon every ingenuous reader. The -public at large formed very different opinions respecting -the character of the performance. Many -of the sentiments are undoubtedly of a rather masculine -description. The spirited and decisive way -in which the author explodes the system of gallantry, -and the species of homage with which the -sex is usually treated, shocked the majority. Novelty -produced a sentiment in their mind, which -they mistook for a sense of injustice. The pretty -soft creatures that are so often to be found in the -female sex, and that class of men who believe -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>they could not exist without such pretty, soft creatures -to resort to, were in arms against the author -of so heretical and blasphemous a doctrine. There -are also, it must be confessed, occasional passages -of a stern and rugged feature, incompatible with -the true stamina of the writer’s character. But, -if they did not belong to her fixed and permanent -character, they belonged to her character <i><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">pro -tempore</span></i>; and what she thought, she scorned to -qualify.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yet, along with this rigid, and somewhat amazonian -temper, which characterised some parts -of the book, it is impossible not to remark a luxuriance -of imagination, and a trembling delicacy -of sentiment, which would have done honour to -a poet, bursting with all the visions of an Armida -and a Dido.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The contradiction, to the public apprehension -was equally great, as to the person of the author, -as it was when they considered the temper of the -book. In the champion of her sex, who was described -as endeavouring to invest them with all the -rights of man, those whom curiosity prompted to -seek the occasion of beholding her, expected to -find a sturdy, muscular, raw-boned virago; and -they were not a little surprised, when, instead of -all this, they found a woman, lovely in her person, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>and, in the best and most engaging sense, feminine -in her manners.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The Vindication of the Rights of Woman is -undoubtedly a very unequal performance, and -eminently deficient in method and arrangement. -When tried by the hoary and long-established laws -of literary composition, it can scarcely maintain -its claim to be placed in the first class of human -productions. But when we consider the importance -of its doctrines, and the eminence of genius -it displays, it seems not very improbable that it -will be read as long as the English language endures. -The publication of this book forms an -epocha in the subject to which it belongs; and -Mary Wollstonecraft will perhaps hereafter be -found to have performed more substantial service -for the cause of her sex, than all the other -writers, male or female, that ever felt themselves -animated in the behalf of oppressed and injured -beauty.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The censure of the liberal critic as to the defects -of this performance, will be changed into -astonishment, when I tell him, that a work of -this inestimable moment, was begun, carried on, -and finished in the state in which it now appears, -in a period of no more than six weeks.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is necessary here that I should resume the -subject of the friendship that subsisted between -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>Mary and Mr. Fuseli, which proved the source of -the most memorable events in her subsequent -history. He is a native of the republic of Switzerland, -and has spent the principal part of his -life in the island of Great Britain. The eminence -of his genius can scarcely be disputed; it -has indeed received the testimony which is the -least to be suspected, that of some of the most considerable -of his contemporary artists. He has one -of the most striking characteristics of genius, a -daring, as well as persevering, spirit of adventure. -The work in which he is at present engaged, -a series of pictures for the illustration of -Milton, upon a very large scale, and produced -solely upon the incitement of his own mind, is a -proof of this, if indeed his whole life had not sufficiently -proved it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. Fuseli is one of Mr. Johnson’s oldest friends, -and was at this time in the habit of visiting him -two or three times a week. Mary, one of whose -strongest characteristics was the exquisite sensations -of pleasure she felt from the associations of -visible objects, had hitherto never been acquainted, -with an eminent painter. The being thus introduced -therefore to the society of Mr. Fuseli, was -a high gratification to her; while he found in -Mary, a person perhaps more susceptible of the -emotions painting is calculated to excite, than any -other with whom he ever conversed. Painting, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>and subjects closely connected with painting, were -their almost constant topics of conversation; and -they found them inexhaustible. It cannot be -doubted, but that this was a species of exercise -very conducive to the improvement of Mary’s -mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Nothing human however is unmixed. If Mary -derived improvement from Mr. Fuseli, she may -also be suspected of having caught the infection -of some of his faults. In early life Mr. Fuseli -was ardently attached to literature; but the demands -of his profession have prevented him from -keeping up that extensive and indiscriminate acquaintance -with it, that belles-lettres scholars frequently -possess. Of consequence, the favourites -of his boyish years remain his only favourites. -Homer is with Mr. Fuseli the abstract and deposit -of every human perfection. Milton, Shakespear, -and Richardson, have also engaged much of his -attention. The nearest rival of Homer, I believe, -if Homer can have a rival, is Jean Jacques Rousseau. -A young man embraces entire the opinions -of a favourite writer, and Mr. Fuseli has not had -leisure to bring the opinions of his youth to a revision. -Smitten with Rousseau’s conception of the -perfectness of the savage state, and the essential -abortiveness of all civilization, Mr. Fuseli looks at -all our little attempts at improvement, with a spirit -that borders perhaps too much upon contempt -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>and indifference. One of his favourite positions -is the divinity of genius. This is a power that -comes complete at once from the hands of the -Creator of all things, and the first essays of a man -of real genius are such, in all their grand and most -important features, as no subsequent assiduity can -amend. Add to this, that Mr. Fuseli is somewhat -of a caustic turn of mind, with much wit, and a -disposition to search, in every thing new or modern, -for occasions of censure. I believe Mary -came something more a cynic out of the school of -Mr. Fuseli, than she went into it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But the principal circumstance that relates to -the intercourse of Mary, and this celebrated artist, -remains to be told. She saw Mr. Fuseli frequently; -he amused, delighted and instructed her. -As a painter, it was impossible she should not wish -to see his works, and consequently to frequent his -house. She visited him; her visits were returned. -Notwithstanding the inequality of their years, -Mary was not of a temper to live upon terms of -so much intimacy with a man of merit and genius, -without loving him. The delight she enjoyed in -his society, she transferred by association to his -person. What she experienced in this respect, -was no doubt heightened, by the state of celibacy -and restraint in which she had hitherto lived, and -to which the rules of polished society condemn an -unmarried woman. She conceived a personal and -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>ardent affection for him. Mr. Fuseli was a married -man, and his wife the acquaintance of Mary. -She readily perceived the restrictions which this -circumstance seemed to impose upon her; but she -made light of any difficulty that might arise out -of them. Not that she was insensible to the value -of domestic endearments between persons of -an opposite sex, but that she scorned to suppose, -that she could feel a struggle, in conforming to -the laws she should lay down to her conduct.</p> - -<p class='c007'>There cannot perhaps be a properer place than -the present, to state her principles upon this subject, -such at least as they were when I knew her -best. She set a great value on a mutual affection -between persons of an opposite sex. She regarded -it as the principal solace of human life. It -was her maxim, “that the imagination should -awaken the senses, and not the senses the imagination.” -In other words, that whatever related -to the gratification of the senses, ought to arise, -in a human being of a pure mind, only as the consequence -of an individual affection. She regarded -the manners and habits of the majority of our sex -in that respect, with strong disapprobation. She -conceived that true virtue would prescribe the -most entire celibacy, exclusively of affection, and -the most perfect fidelity to that affection when it -existed.—There is no reason to doubt that, if Mr. -Fuseli had been disengaged at the period of their -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>acquaintance, he would have been the man of her -choice. As it was, she conceived it both practicable -and eligible, to cultivate a distinguishing affection -for him, and to foster it by the endearments -of personal intercourse and a reciprocation of kindness, -without departing in the smallest degree from -the rules she prescribed to herself.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In September 1791, she removed from the -house she occupied in George-street, to a large -and commodious apartment in Store-street, Bedford-square. -She began to think that she had -been too rigid, in the laws of frugality and self-denial -with which she set out in her literary career; -and now added to the neatness and cleanliness -which she had always scrupulously observed, -a certain degree of elegance, and those temperate -indulgences in furniture and accommodation, -from which a sound and uncorrupted taste never -fails to derive pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It was in the month of November in the same -year (1791), that the writer of this narrative was -first in company with the person to whom it relates. -He dined with her at a friend’s, together -with Mr. Thomas Paine and one or two other -persons. The invitation was of his own seeking, -his object being to see the author of the Rights of -Man, with whom he had never before conversed.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>The interview was not fortunate. Mary and -myself parted, mutually displeased with each -other. I had not read her Rights of Woman. -I had barely looked into her Answer to Burke, -and been displeased, as literary men are apt to be, -with a few offences, against grammar and other -minute points of composition. I had therefore -little curiosity to see Mrs. Wollstonecraft, and a -very great curiosity to see Thomas Paine. Paine, -in his general habits, is no great talker; and, -though he threw in occasionally some shrewd and -striking remarks, the conversation lay principally -between me and Mary. I, of consequence, heard -her, very frequently when I wished to hear Paine.</p> - -<p class='c007'>We touched on a considerable variety of topics, -and particularly on the characters and habits of -certain eminent men. Mary, as has already been -observed, had acquired, in a very blameable degree, -the practice of seeing every thing on the -gloomy side, and bestowing censure with a plentiful -hand, where circumstances were in any respect -doubtful. I, on the contrary, had a strong -propensity, to favourable construction, and particularly, -where I found unequivocal marks of -genius, strongly to incline to the supposition of -generous and manly virtue. We ventilated in this -way the characters of Voltaire and others, who -have obtained from some individuals an ardent admiration, -while the greater number have treated -<span class='pageno' id='Page_57'>57</span>them with extreme moral severity. Mary was at -last provoked to tell me, that praise, lavished in -the way that I lavished it, could do no credit either -to the commended or the commender. We discussed -some questions on the subject of religion, -in which her opinions approached much nearer to -the received ones, than mine. As the conversation -proceeded, I became dissatisfied with the -tone of my own share in it. We touched upon -all topics, without treating forcibly and connectedly -upon any. Meanwhile, I did her the justice, -in giving an account of the conversation to a party -in which I supped, though I was not sparing of -my blame, to yield her the praise of a person of -active and independent thinking. On her side, -she did me no part of what perhaps I considered -as justice.</p> - -<p class='c007'>We met two or three times in the course of the -following year, but made a very small degree of -progress towards a cordial acquaintance.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In the close of the year 1792, Mary went over -to France, where she continued to reside for upwards -of two years. One of her principal inducements -to this step, related, I believe, to Mr. -Fuseli. She had, at first, considered it as reasonable -and judicious, to cultivate what I may be -permitted to call, a Platonic affection for him; -but she did not, in the sequel, find all the satisfaction -in this plan, which she had originally expected -<span class='pageno' id='Page_58'>58</span>from it. It was in vain that she enjoyed much -pleasure in his society, and that she enjoyed it frequently. -Her ardent imagination was continually -conjuring up pictures of the happiness she should -have found, if fortune had favoured their -more intimate union. She felt herself formed for -domestic affection, and all those tender charities, -which men of sensibility have constantly treated -as the dearest band of human society. General -conversation and society could not satisfy her. She -felt herself alone, as it were, in the great mass of -her species; and she repined when she reflected, -that the best years of her life were spent in this -comfortless solitude. These ideas made the cordial -intercourse of Mr. Fuseli, which had at first -been one of her greatest pleasures, a source of perpetual -torment to her. She conceived it necessary -to snap the chain of this association in her mind; -and, for that purpose, determined to seek a new -climate, and mingle in different scenes.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is singular, that during her residence in Store-street, -which lasted more than twelve months, -she produced nothing, except a few articles in the -Analytical Review. Her literary meditations were -chiefly employed upon the Sequel to the Rights of -Woman; but she has scarcely left behind her a -single paper, that can, with any certainty, be assigned -to have had this destination.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_59'>59</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. VII.<br /> <span class='large'>1792–1795.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>The original plan of Mary, respecting -her residence in France, had no precise limits -in the article of duration; the single purpose -she had in view being that of an endeavour to -heal her distempered mind. She did not proceed -so far as even to discharge her lodging in London; -and, to some friends who saw her immediately -before her departure, she spoke merely of an -absence of six weeks.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is not to be wondered at, that her excursion -did not originally seem to produce the effects she -had expected from it. She was in a land of strangers; -she had no acquaintance; she had even to -acquire the power of receiving and communicating -ideas with facility in the language of the country. -Her first residence was in a spacious mansion -to which she had been invited, but the master of -which (monsieur Fillietaz) was absent at the time -of her arrival. At first therefore she found herself -surrounded only with servants. The gloominess -of her mind communicated its own colour to the -objects she saw; and in this temper she began a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_60'>60</span>series of Letters on the Present Character of the -French Nation, one of which she forwarded to -her publisher, and which appears in the collection -of her posthumous works. This performance she -soon after discontinued; and it is, as she justly remarks, -tinged with the saturnine temper which at -that time pervaded her mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary carried with her introductions to several -agreeable families in Paris. She renewed her acquaintance -with Paine. There also subsisted a -very sincere friendship between her and Helen -Maria Williams, author of a collection of poems -of uncommon merit, who at that time resided in -Paris. Another person, whom Mary always spoke -of in terms of ardent commendation, both for the -excellence of his disposition, and the force of -his genius, was a count Slabrendorf, by birth, I -believe, a Swede. It is almost unnecessary to -mention, that she was personally acquainted with -the majority of the leaders in the French revolution.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But the house that, I believe, she principally -frequented at this time, was that of Mr. Thomas -Christie, a person whose pursuits were mercantile, -and who had written a volume on the French revolution. -With Mrs. Christie her acquaintance -was more intimate than with her husband.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It was about four months after her arrival at -Paris in December 1792, that she entered into -<span class='pageno' id='Page_61'>61</span>that species of connection, for which her heart secretly -panted, and which had the effect of diffusing -an immediate tranquillity and cheerfulness -over her manners. The person with whom it -was formed (for it would be an idle piece -of delicacy, to attempt to suppress a name, which -is known to every one whom the reputation of -Mary has reached,) was Mr. Gilbert Imlay, -native of the United States of North America.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The place at which she first saw Mr. Imlay was -at the house of Mr. Christie; and it perhaps deserves -to be noticed, that the emotions he then excited -in her mind, were, I am told, those of dislike, -and that, for some time, she shunned all occasions -of meeting him. This sentiment however -speedily gave place to one of the greatest kindness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Previously to the partiality she conceived for -him, she had determined upon a journey to Switzerland, -induced chiefly by motives of economy. -But she had some difficulty in procuring a passport; -and it was probably the intercourse that -now originated between her and Mr. Imlay, that -changed her purpose, and led her to prefer a lodging -at Neuilly, a village three miles from Paris.—Her -habitation here was a solitary house in the -midst of a garden, with no other inhabitants than -herself and the gardener, an old man, who performed -for her many of the offices of a domestic, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_62'>62</span>and would sometimes contend for the honour of -making her bed. The gardener had a great veneration -for his guest, and would set before her, -when alone, some grapes of a particularly fine -sort, which she could not without the greatest difficulty -obtain, when she had any person with her -as a visitor. Here it was that she conceived, and -for the most part executed, her Historical and -Moral View of the French Revolution<a id='r1'></a><a href='#f1' class='c011'><sup>[1]</sup></a>, into -which, as she observes, are incorporated most of -the observations she had collected for her Letters, -and which was written with more sobriety and -cheerfulness than the tone in which they had been -commenced. In the evening she was accustomed -to refresh herself by a walk in a neighbouring -wood, from which her old host in vain endeavoured -to dissuade her, by recounting divers horrible -robberies and murders that had been committed -there.</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f1'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r1'>1</a>. No part of the proposed continuation of this work, -has been found among the papers of the author.</p> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The commencement of the attachment Mary -now formed, had neither confidant nor adviser.—She -always conceived it to be a gross breach of delicacy -to have any confidant in a matter of this sacred -nature, an affair of the heart. The origin -of the connection was about the middle of April -1793, and it was carried on in a private manner -for four months. At the expiration of that period -<span class='pageno' id='Page_63'>63</span>a circumstance occurred that induced her to -declare it. The French convention, exasperated -at the conduct of the British government, particularly -in the affair of Toulon, formed a decree -against the citizens of this country, by one article -of which the English, resident in France, were ordered -into prison till the period of a general peace. -Mary had objected to a marriage with Mr. Imlay -who, at the time their connection was formed, had -no property whatever; because she would not involve -him in certain family embarrassments to -which she conceived herself exposed, or make -him answerable for the pecuniary demands that -existed against her. She however considered their -engagement as of the most sacred nature; and -they had mutually formed the plan of emigrating -to America, as soon as they should have realized -a sum, enabling them to do it in the mode they desired. -The decree however that I have just mentioned, -made it necessary, not that a marriage -should actually take place, but that Mary should -take the name of Imlay, which, from the nature -of their connection, she conceived herself entitled -to do, and obtain a certificate from the American -ambassador, as the wife of a native of that country.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Their engagement being thus avowed, they -thought proper to reside under the same roof, and -for that purpose removed to Paris.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_64'>64</span>Mary was now arrived at the situation, which, -for two or three preceding years, her reason had -pointed out to her as affording the most substantial -prospect of happiness. She had been tossed -and agitated by the waves of misfortune. Her -childhood, as she often said, had known few of the -endearments, which constitute the principal happiness -of childhood. The temper of her father -had early given to her mind a severe cast of thought, -and substituted the inflexibility of resistance for -the confidence of affection. The cheerfulness of -her entrance upon womanhood, had been darkened, -by an attendance upon the death-bed of -her mother, and the still more afflicting calamity -of her eldest sister. Her exertions to create a -joint independence for her sisters and herself, had -been attended, neither with the success, nor the -pleasure, she had hoped from them. Her first -youthful passion, her friendship for Fanny, had encountered -many disappointments, and, in fine, a -melancholy and premature catastrophe. Soon after -these accumulated mortifications, she was engaged -in a contest with a near relation, whom she -regarded as unprincipled, respecting the wreck -of her father’s fortune. In this affair she suffered -the double pain, which arises from moral indignation, -and disappointed benevolence. Her exertions -to assist almost every member of her family, were -great and unremitted. Finally, when she indulged -a romantic affection for Mr. Fuseli, and fondly -<span class='pageno' id='Page_65'>65</span>imagined that she should find in it the solace of -her cares, she perceived too late, that, by continually -impressing on her mind fruitless images of -unreserved affection and domestic felicity, it only -served to give new pungency to the sensibility that -was destroying her.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Some persons may be inclined to observe, that -the evils here enumerated, are not among the heaviest -in the catalogue of human calamities. But -evils take their rank, more from the temper of the -mind that suffers them, than from their abstract -nature. Upon a man of a hard and insensible disposition, -the shafts of misfortune often fall pointless -and impotent. There are persons, by no -means hard and insensible, who, from an elastic -and sanguine turn of mind, are continually prompted -to look on the fair side of things, and, having -suffered one fall, immediately rise again, to pursue -their course, with the same eagerness, the -same hope, and the same gaiety, as before. On -the other hand, we not unfrequently meet with -persons, endowed with the most exquisite and delicious -sensibility, whose minds seem almost of too -fine a texture to encounter the vicissitudes of human -affairs, to whom pleasure is transport, and -disappointment is agony indescribable. This character -is finely pourtrayed by the author of the -Sorrows of Werter. Mary was in this respect a -female Werter.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_66'>66</span>She brought then, in the present instance, a -wounded and sick heart, to take refuge in the bosom -of a chosen friend. Let it not however be -imagined, that she brought a heart, querulous, and -ruined in its taste for pleasure. No; her whole -character seemed to change with a change of fortune. -Her sorrows, the depression of her spirits, -were forgotten, and she assumed all the simplicity -and the vivacity of a youthful mind. She was -like a serpent upon a rock, that casts its slough, -and appears again with the brilliancy, the sleekness, -and the elastic activity of its happiest age.—She -was playful, full of confidence, kindness and -sympathy. Her eyes assumed new lustre, and her -cheeks new colour and smoothness. Her voice became -chearful; her temper overflowing with universal -kindness; and that smile of bewitching tenderness -from day to day illuminated her countenance, -which all who knew her will so well recollect, -and which won, both heart and soul, the affection -of almost every one that beheld it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary now reposed herself upon a person, of -whose honour and principles she had the most exalted -idea. She nourished an individual affection, -which she saw no necessity of subjecting to restraint; -and a heart like her’s was not formed to -nourish affection by halves. Her conception of -Mr. Imlay’s “tenderness and worth, had twisted -him closely round her heart;” and she “indulged -<span class='pageno' id='Page_67'>67</span>the thought, that she had thrown out some tendrils, -to cling to the elm by which she wished to -be supported.” This was “talking a new language -to her;” but, “conscious that she was not -a parasite-plant,” she was willing to encourage -and foster the luxuriancies of affection. Her confidence -was entire; her love was unbounded. -Now, for the first time in her life, she gave a loose -to all the sensibilities of her nature.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Soon after the time I am now speaking of, her -attachment to Mr. Imlay gained a new link, by -finding reason to suppose herself with child.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Their establishment at Paris, was however broken -up almost as soon as formed, by the circumstance -of Mr. Imlay’s entering into business, -urged as he said, by the prospect of a family, and -this being a favourable crisis in French affairs for -commercial speculations. The pursuits in which -he was engaged, led him in the month of September -to Havre de Grace, then called Havre Marat, -probably to superintend the shipping of goods, in -which he was jointly engaged with some other -person or persons. Mary remained in the capital.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The solitude in which she was now left, proved -an unexpected trial. Domestic affections constituted -the object upon which her heart was fixed; -and she early felt, with an inward grief, that Mr. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_68'>68</span>Imlay “did not attach those tender emotions -round the idea of home,” which, every time -they recurred, dimmed her eyes with moisture. -She had expected his return from week to week, -and from month to month; but a succession of business -still continued to detain him at Havre. At -the same time the sanguinary character which the -government of France began every day more decisively -to assume, contributed to banish tranquillity -from the first months of her pregnancy. Before -she left Neuilly, she happened one day to enter -Paris on foot (I believe, by the Place de Louis -Quinze), when an execution, attended with some -peculiar aggravations, had just taken place, and the -blood of the guillotine appeared fresh upon the -pavement. The emotions of her soul burst forth -in indignant exclamations, while a prudent bystander -warned her of her danger, and intreated -her to hasten and hide her discontents. She described -to me, more than once, the anguish she -felt at hearing of the death of Brissot, Verginaud, -and the twenty deputies, as one of the most intolerable -sensations she had ever experienced.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Finding the return of Mr. Imlay continually -postponed, she determined, in January 1794, to -join him at Havre. One motive that influenced -her, though, I believe, by no means the principal, -was the growing cruelties of Robespierre, and the -desire she felt to be in any other place, rather than -<span class='pageno' id='Page_69'>69</span>the devoted city, in the midst of which they -were perpetrated.</p> - -<p class='c007'>From January to September, Mr. Imlay and -Mary lived together, with great harmony, at -Havre, where the child, with which she was -pregnant, was born, on the fourteenth of May, -and named Frances, in remembrance of the dear -friend of her youth, whose image could never be -erased from her memory.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In September, Mr. Imlay took his departure -from Havre for the port of London. As this step -was said to be necessary in the way of business, he -endeavoured to prevail upon Mary to quit Havre, -and once more take up her abode at Paris. Robespierre -was now no more, and, of consequence, the -only objection she had to residing in the capital, -was removed. Mr. Imlay was already in London, -before she undertook her journey, and it proved -the most fatiguing journey she ever made; the -carriage, in which she travelled, being overturned -no less than four times between Havre and Paris.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This absence, like that of the preceding year -in which Mr. Imlay had removed to Havre, was -represented as an absence that was to have a short -duration. In two months he was once again to -join her at Paris. It proved however the prelude -to an eternal separation. The agonies of such a -separation, or rather desertion, great as Mary -<span class='pageno' id='Page_70'>70</span>would have found them upon every supposition, -were vastly increased, by the lingering method in -which it was effected, and the ambiguity that, for -a long time, hung upon it. This circumstance -produced the effect, of holding her mind, by force, -as it were, to the most painful of all subjects, and -not suffering her to derive the just advantage from -the energy and elasticity of her character.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The procrastination of which I am speaking -was however productive of one advantage. It -put off the evil day. She did not suspect the calamities -that awaited her, till the close of the year. -She gained an additional three months of comparative -happiness. But she purchased it at a very -dear rate. Perhaps no human creature ever suffered -greater misery, than dyed the whole year -1795, in the life of this incomparable woman. It -was wasted in that sort of despair, to the sense of -which the mind is continually awakened, by a -glimmering of fondly cherished, expiring hope.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Why did she thus obstinately cling to an ill-starred, -unhappy passion? Because it is of the -very essence of affection, to seek to perpetuate itself. -He does not love, who can resign this cherished -sentiment, without suffering some of the -sharpest struggles that our nature is capable of enduring. -Add to this, Mary had fixed her heart -upon this chosen friend; and one of the last impressions -a worthy mind can submit to receive, is -<span class='pageno' id='Page_71'>71</span>that of the worthlessness of the person upon whom -it has fixed all its esteem. Mary had struggled to -entertain a favourable opinion of human nature; -she had unweariedly sought for a kindred mind, -in whose integrity and fidelity to take up her rest. -Mr. Imlay undertook to prove, in his letters written -immediately after their complete separation, -that his conduct towards her was reconcilable to -the strictest rectitude; but undoubtedly Mary was -of a different opinion. Whatever the reader may -decide in this respect, there is one sentiment that, -I believe, he will unhesitatingly admit: that of -pity for the mistake of the man, who, being in -possession of such a friendship and attachment as -those of Mary, could hold them at a trivial -price, and, “like the base Indian, throw a pearl -away, richer than all his tribe.<a id='r2'></a><a href='#f2' class='c011'><sup>[2]</sup></a>”</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f2'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r2'>2</a>. A person, from whose society at this time Mary derived -particular gratification, was Archibald Hamilton Rowan, -who had lately become a fugitive from Ireland, in consequence -of a political prosecution, and in whom she found -those qualities which were always eminently engaging to her, -great integrity of disposition, and great kindness of heart.</p> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_72'>72</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. VIII.<br /> <span class='large'>1795–1796.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>In April 1795, Mary returned once more to -London, being requested to do so by Mr. Imlay, -who even sent a servant to Paris to wait upon her -in the journey, before she could complete the necessary -arrangements for her departure. But, -notwithstanding these favourable appearances, she -came to England with a heavy heart, not daring, -after all the uncertainties and anguish she had endured, -to trust to the suggestions of hope.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The gloomy forebodings of her mind, were -but too faithfully verified. Mr. Imlay had already -formed another connection; as it is said, -with a young actress from a strolling company of -players. His attentions therefore to Mary were -formal and constrained, and she probably had but -little of his society. This alteration could not escape -her penetrating glance. He ascribed it to -pressure of business, and some pecuniary embarrassments -which, at that time, occurred to him; it -was of little consequence to Mary what was the -cause. She saw, but too well, though she strove -not to see, that his affections were lost to her for -ever.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_73'>73</span>It is impossible to imagine a period of greater -pain and mortification than Mary passed, for -about seven weeks, from the sixteenth of April to -the sixth of June, in a furnished house that Mr. -Imlay had provided for her. She had come over -to England, a country for which she, at this time, -expressed “a repugnance, that almost amounted -to horror,” in search of happiness. She feared -that that happiness had altogether escaped her; -but she was encouraged by the eagerness and impatience -which Mr. Imlay at length seemed to manifest -for her arrival. When she saw him, all her -fears were confirmed. What a picture was she -capable of forming to herself, of the overflowing -kindness of a meeting, after an interval of so much -anguish and apprehension! A thousand images of -this sort were present to her burning imagination. -It is in vain, on such occasions, for reserve and reproach -to endeavour to curb in the emotions of an -affectionate heart. But the hopes she nourished -were speedily blasted. Her reception by Mr. Imlay, -was cold and embarrassed. Discussions (“explanations” -they were called) followed; cruel explanations, -that only added to the anguish of a heart -already overwhelmed in grief! They had small -pretensions indeed to explicitness; but they sufficiently -told, that the case admitted not of remedy.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary was incapable of sustaining her equanimity -in this pressing emergency. “Love, dear, -delusive!” as she expressed herself to a friend -<span class='pageno' id='Page_74'>74</span>some time afterwards, “rigorous reason had -forced her to resign; and now her rational prospects -were blasted, just as she had learned to be -contented with rational enjoyments.” Thus situated, -life became an intolerable burthen. While -she was absent from Mr. Imlay, she could talk of -purposes of separation and independence. But, -now that they were in the same house, she could -not withhold herself from endeavours to revive -their mutual cordiality; and unsuccessful endeavours -continually added fuel to the fire that destroyed -her. She formed a desperate purpose to -die.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This part of the story of Mary is involved in -considerable obscurity. I only know, that Mr. -Imlay became acquainted with her purpose, at a -moment when he was uncertain whether or no it -were already executed, and that his feelings were -roused by the intelligence. It was perhaps owing -to his activity and representations, that her life -was, at this time, saved. She determined to continue -to exist. Actuated by this purpose, she -took a resolution, worthy both of the strength and -affectionateness of her mind. Mr. Imlay was involved -in a question of considerable difficulty, respecting -a mercantile adventure in Norway. It -seemed to require the presence of some very judicious -agent, to conduct the business to its desired -termination. Mary determined to make the voyage, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_75'>75</span>and take the business into her own hands. -Such a voyage seemed the most desireable thing -to recruit her health, and, if possible, her spirits, -in the present crisis. It was also gratifying to her -feelings, to be employed in promoting the interest -of a man, from whom she had experienced such -severe unkindness, but to whom she ardently desired -to be reconciled. The moment of desperation -I have mentioned, occurred in the close of -May, and, in about a week after, she set out upon -this new expedition.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The narrative of this voyage is before the -world, and perhaps a book of travels that so irresistibly -seizes on the heart, never, in any other -instance, found its way from the press. The occasional -harshness and ruggedness of character, -that diversify her Vindication of the Rights of -Woman, here totally disappear. If ever there -was a book calculated to make a man in love with -its author, this appears to me to be the book. She -speaks of her sorrows, in a way that fills us with -melancholy, and dissolves us in tenderness, at the -same time that she displays a genius which commands -all our admiration. Affliction had tempered -her heart to a softness almost more than human; -and the gentleness of her spirit seems precisely -to accord with all the romance of unbounded -attachment.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_76'>76</span>Thus softened and improved, thus fraught with -imagination and sensibility, with all, and more -than all, “that youthful poets fancy, when they -love,” she returned to England, and, if he had so -pleased, to the arms of her former lover. Her -return was hastened by the ambiguity, to her apprehension, -of Mr. Imlay’s conduct. He had promised -to meet her upon her return from Norway, -probably at Hamburgh; and they were then to -pass some time in Switzerland. The style however -of his letters to her during her tour, was not -such as to inspire confidence; and she wrote to -him very urgently, to explain himself, relative -to the footing upon which they were hereafter to -stand to each other. In his answer, which reached -her at Hamburgh, he treated her questions as -“extraordinary and unnecessary,” and desired her -to be at the pains to decide for herself. Feeling -herself unable to accept this as an explanation, she -instantly determined to sail for London by the very -first opportunity, that she might thus bring to a -termination the suspence that preyed upon her -soul.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It was not long after her arrival in London in -the commencement of October, that she attained -the certainty she sought. Mr. Imlay procured -her a lodging. But the neglect she experienced -from him after she entered it, flashed conviction -upon her, in spite of his asseverations. She made -<span class='pageno' id='Page_77'>77</span>further enquiries, and at length was informed by -a servant, of the real state of the case. Under the -immediate shock which the painful certainty gave -her, her first impulse was to repair to him at the -ready-furnished house he had provided for his new -mistress. What was the particular nature of -their conference I am unable to relate. It is sufficient -to say that the wretchedness of the night -which succeeded this fatal discovery, impressed -her with the feeling, that she would sooner suffer -a thousand deaths, than pass another of equal -misery.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The agony of her mind determined her; and -that determination gave her a sort of desperate serenity. -She resolved to plunge herself in the -Thames; and, not being satisfied with any spot -nearer to London, she took a boat, and rowed to -Putney. Her first thought had led her to Battersea-bridge, -but she found it too public. It was -night when she arrived at Putney, and by that -time had begun to rain with great violence. The -rain suggested to her the idea of walking up and -down the bridge, till her clothes were thoroughly -drenched and heavy with the wet, which she did -for half an hour without meeting a human being. -She then leaped from the top of the bridge, but -still seemed to find a difficulty in sinking, which, -she endeavoured to counteract by pressing her -clothes closely round her. After some time she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_78'>78</span>became insensible; but she always spoke of the -pain she underwent as such, that, though she -could afterwards have determined upon almost any -other species of voluntary death, it would have -been impossible for her to resolve upon encountering -the same sensations again. I am doubtful, -whether this is to be ascribed to the mere nature -of suffocation, or was not owing to the preternatural -action of a desperate spirit.</p> - -<p class='c007'>After having been for a considerable time insensible, -she was recovered by the exertions of those -by whom the body was found. She had fought, -with cool and deliberate firmness, to put a period -to her existence, and yet she lived to have every -prospect of a long possession of enjoyment and happiness. -It is perhaps not an unfrequent case with -suicides, that we find reason to suppose, if they -had survived their gloomy purpose, that they -would, at a subsequent period, have been considerably -happy. It arises indeed, in some measure, -out of the very nature of a spirit of self-destruction; -which implies a degree of anguish, that the constitution -of the human mind will not suffer to remain -long undiminished. This is a serious reflection. -Probably no man would destroy himself -from an impatience of present pain, if he -felt a moral certainty that there were years of enjoyment -still in reserve for him. It is perhaps a -futile attempt, to think of reasoning with a man -<span class='pageno' id='Page_79'>79</span>in that state of mind which precedes suicide. Moral -reasoning is nothing but the awakening of certain -feelings; and the feeling by which he is actuated, -is too strong to leave us much chance of -impressing him with other feelings, that should -have force enough to counter-balance it. But, if -the prospect of future tranquillity and pleasure -cannot be expected to have much weight with a -man under an immediate purpose of suicide, it is -so much the more to be wished, that men would -impress their minds, in their sober moments, with -a conception, which, being rendered habitual, -seems to promise to act as a successful antidote in -a paroxysm of desperation.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The present situation of Mary, of necessity -produced some further intercourse between her -and Mr. Imlay. He sent a physician to her; and -Mrs. Christie, at his desire, prevailed on her to -remove to her house in Finsbury-square. In the -mean time Mr. Imlay assured her that his present -was merely a casual, sensual connection; and of -course, fostered in her mind the idea that it would -be once more in her choice to live with him. -With whatever intention the idea was suggested, -it was certainly calculated to increase the agitation -of her mind. In one respect however it produced -an effect unlike that which might most obviously -have been looked for. It roused within -her the characteristic energy of mind, which she -<span class='pageno' id='Page_80'>80</span>seemed partially to have forgotten. She saw the -necessity of bringing the affair to a point, and -not suffering months and years to roll on in uncertainty -and suspence. This idea inspired her with -an extraordinary resolution. The language she -employed, was, in effect, as follows: “If we -are ever to live together again, it must be now. -We meet now, or we part for ever. You say, -You cannot abruptly break off the connection -you have formed. It is unworthy of my courage -and character, to wait the uncertain issue of that -connection. I am determined to come to a decision. -I consent then, for the present, to live with -you, and the woman to whom you have associated -yourself. I think it important that you should -learn habitually to feel for your child the affection -of a father. But, if you reject this proposal, -here we end. You are now free. We will correspond -no more. We will have no intercourse -of any kind. I will be to you as a person that is -dead.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>The proposal she made, extraordinary and injudicious -as it was, was at first accepted; and -Mr. Imlay took her accordingly, to look at a -house he was upon the point of hiring, that she -might judge whether it was calculated to please -her. Upon second thoughts however he retracted -his concession.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_81'>81</span>In the following month, Mr. Imlay, and the -woman with whom he was at present connected, -went to Paris, where they remained three months. -Mary had, previously to this, fixed herself in a -lodging in Finsbury-place, where, for some time, -she saw scarcely any one but Mrs. Christie, for -the sake of whose neighbourhood she had chosen -this situation; “existing,” as she expressed it, -“in a living tomb, and her life but an exercise of -fortitude, continually on the stretch.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>Thus circumstanced, it was unavoidable for -her thoughts to brood upon a passion, which all -that she had suffered had not yet been able to extinguish. -Accordingly, as soon as Mr. Imlay returned -to England, she could not restrain herself, -from making another effort, and desiring to see -him once more. “During his absence, affection -had led her to make numberless excuses for his -conduct,” and she probably wished to believe that -his present connection was, as he represented it, -purely of a casual nature. To this application, -she observes, that “he returned no other answer, -except declaring, with unjustifiable passion, that -he would not see her.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>This answer, though, at the moment, highly -irritating to Mary, was not the ultimate close of -the affair. Mr. Christie was connected in business -with Mr. Imlay, at the same time that the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_82'>82</span>house of Mr. Christie was the only one at which -Mary habitually visited. The consequence of this -was, that, when Mr. Imlay had been already -more than a fortnight in town, Mary called at -Mr. Christie’s one evening, at a time when Mr. -Imlay was in the parlour. The room was full of -company. Mrs. Christie heard Mary’s voice in -the passage, and hastened to her, to intreat her -not to make her appearance. Mary however was -not to be controlled. She thought, as she afterwards -told me, that it was not consistent with -conscious rectitude, that she should shrink, as if -abashed, from the presence of one by whom she -deemed herself injured. Her child was with her. -She entered; and, in a firm manner, immediately -led up the child, now near two years of age, -to the knees of its father. He retired with Mary -into another apartment, and promised to dine -with her at her lodging, I believe, the next -day.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In the interview which took place in consequence -of this appointment, he expressed himself -to her in friendly terms, and in a manner calculated -to sooth her despair. Though he could -conduct himself, when absent from her, in a way -which she censured as unfeeling; this species of -sternness constantly expired when he came into -her presence. Mary was prepared at this moment -to catch at every phantom of happiness; and the -gentleness of his carriage, was to her as a sunbeam, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_83'>83</span>awakening the hope of returning day. For -an instant she gave herself up to delusive visions; -and even after the period of delirium expired, she -still dwelt, with an aching eye, upon the air-built -and unsubstantial prospect of a reconciliation.</p> - -<p class='c007'>At his particular request, she retained the name -of Imlay, which, a short time before, he had -seemed to dispute with her. “It was not,” as -she expresses herself in a letter to a friend, “for the -world that she did so—not in the least—but she -was unwilling to cut the Gordian knot, or tear -herself away in appearance, when she could not in -reality.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>The day after this interview, she set out upon a -visit to the country, where she spent nearly the -whole of the month of March. It was, I believe, -while she was upon this visit, that some epistolary -communication with Mr. Imlay, induced her resolutely -to expel from her mind, all remaining -doubt as to the issue of the affair.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary was now aware that every demand of -forbearance towards him, of duty to her child, -and even of indulgence to her own deep-rooted -predilection, was discharged. She determined -to rouse herself, and cast off for ever an attachment, -which to her had been a spring of inexhaustible -bitterness. Her present residence among -<span class='pageno' id='Page_84'>84</span>the scenes of nature, was favourable to this purpose. -She was at the house of an old and -intimate friend, a lady of the name of Cotton, -whose partiality for her was strong and sincere. -Mrs. Cotton’s nearest neighbour was Sir William -East, baronet; and from the joint effect of the -kindness of her friend, and the hospitable and, -distinguishing attentions of this respectable family, -she derived considerable benefit. She had been -amused and interested in her journey to Norway; -but with this difference, that, at that time, her -mind perpetually returned with trembling anxiety -to conjectures respecting Mr. Imlay’s future conduct, -whereas now, with a lofty and undaunted -spirit, she threw aside every thought that recurred -to him, while she felt herself called upon to -make one more effort for life and happiness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Once after this, to my knowledge, she saw -Mr. Imlay; probably, not long after her return -to town. They met by accident upon the New -Road; he alighted from his horse, and walked -with her some time; and the rencounter passed, -as she assured me, without producing in her any -oppressive emotion.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Be it observed, by the way, and I may be supposed -best to have known the real state of the case, -she never spoke of Mr. Imlay with acrimony, and -was displeased when any person, in her hearing, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_85'>85</span>expressed contempt of him. She was characterised -by a strong sense of indignation; but her emotions -of this sort were short-lived, and in no -long time subsided into a dignified sereneness and -equanimity.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The question of her connection with Mr. Imlay, -as we have seen, was not completely dismissed, -till March 1796. But it is worthy to be observed, -that she did not, like ordinary persons -under extreme anguish of mind, suffer her understanding, -in the mean time, to sink into listlessness -and debility. The most inapprehensive reader -may conceive what was the mental torture she -endured, when he considers, that she was twice, -with an interval of four months, from the end of -May to the beginning of October, prompted by -it to purposes of suicide. Yet in this period she -wrote her letters from Norway. Shortly after its -expiration she prepared them for the press, and -they were published in the close of that year. In -January 1796, she finished the sketch of a comedy, -which turns, in the serious scenes, upon the -incidents of her own story. It was offered to both -the winter-managers, and remained among her -papers at the period of her decease; but it appeared -to me to be in so crude and imperfect a state, -that I judged it most respectful to her memory to -commit it to the flames. To understand this extraordinary -<span class='pageno' id='Page_86'>86</span>degree of activity, we must recollect -however the entire solitude, in which most of her -hours were at that time consumed.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_87'>87</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. IX.<br /> <span class='large'>1796–1797.</span></h3> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>I am now led, by the progress of the story, to -the last branch of her history, the connection between -Mary and myself. And this I relate with -the same simplicity that has pervaded every other -part of my narrative. If there ever were any -motives of prudence or delicacy, that could impose -a qualification upon the story, they are now -over. They could have no relation but to factitious -rules of decorum. There are no circumstance -of her life, that, in the judgment of honour -and reason, could brand her with disgrace. Never -did there exist a human being, that needed, with -less fear, expose all their actions, and call upon -the universe to judge them. An event of the most -deplorable sort, his awfully imposed silence upon -the gabble of frivolity.</p> - -<p class='c007'>We renewed our acquaintance in January -1796, but with no particular effect, except so far -as sympathy in her anguish, added in my mind to -the respect I had always entertained for her talents. -It was in the close of that month that I read her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_88'>88</span>Letters from Norway; and the impression that -book produced upon me has been already related.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It was on the fourteenth of April that I first saw -her after her excursion into Berkshire. On that -day she called upon me in Somers Town, she having, -since her return, taken a lodging in Cumming-street, -Pentonville, at no great distance from -the place of my habitation. From that time our -intimacy increased, by regular, but almost imperceptible -degrees.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The partiality we conceived for each other, -was in that mode, which I have always regarded -as the purest and most refined style of love. It -grew with equal advances in the mind of each. -It would have been impossible for the most minute -observer to have said who was before, and -who was after. One sex did not take the priority -which long established custom has awarded it, nor -the other overstep that delicacy which is so severely -imposed. I am not conscious that either -party can assume to have been the agent or the -patient, the toil-spreader or the prey, in the affair. -When, in the course of things, the disclosure -came, there was nothing, in a manner, for -either party to disclose to the other.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In July 1796 I made an excursion into the -county of Norfolk, which occupied nearly the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_89'>89</span>whole of that month. During this period Mary -removed, from Cumming-street, Pentonville, to -Judd place West, which may be considered as the -extremity of Somers Town. In the former situation, -she had occupied a furnished lodging. She -had meditated a tour to Italy or Switzerland, and -knew not how soon she should set out with that -view. Now however she felt herself reconciled -to a longer abode in England, probably without -exactly knowing why this change had taken -place in her mind. She had a quantity of furniture -locked up at a broker’s ever since her residence -in Store-street, and she now found it adviseable -to bring it into use. This circumstance -occasioned her present removal.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The temporary separation attendant on my -little journey, had its effect on the mind of both -parties. It gave a space for the maturing of inclination. -I believe that, during this interval, -each furnished to the other the principal topic of -solitary and daily contemplation. Absence bestows -a refined and aërial delicacy upon affection, -which it with difficulty acquires in any other way. -It seems to resemble the communication of spirits, -without the medium, or the impediment of this -earthly frame.</p> - -<p class='c007'>When we met again, we met with new pleasure, -and, I may add, with a more decisive preference -<span class='pageno' id='Page_90'>90</span>for each other. It was however three -weeks longer, before the sentiment which trembled -upon the tongue, burst from the lips of either. -There was, as I have already said, no period of -throes and resolute explanation attendant on the -tale. It was friendship melting into love. Previously -to our mutual declaration, each felt half-assured, -yet each felt a certain trembling anxiety -to have assurance complete.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary rested her head upon the shoulder of her -lover, hoping to find a heart with which she might -safely treasure her world of affection; fearing to -commit a mistake, yet, in spite of her melancholy -experience, fraught with that generous confidence, -which, in a great soul, is never extinguished. -I had never loved till now; or, at least, had -never nourished a passion to the same growth, or -met with an object so consummately worthy.</p> - -<p class='c007'>We did not marry. It is difficult to recommend -any thing to indiscriminate adoption, contrary -to the established rules and prejudices of -mankind; but certainly nothing can be so ridiculous -upon the face of it, or so contrary to the genuine -march of sentiment, as to require the overflowing -of the soul to wait upon a ceremony, and -that which, wherever delicacy and imagination -exist, is of all things most sacredly private, to blow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_91'>91</span>a trumpet before it, and to record the moment -when it has arrived at its climax.</p> - -<p class='c007'>There were however other reasons why we did -not immediately marry. Mary felt an entire conviction -of the propriety of her conduct. It would -be absurd to suppose that, with a heart withered -by desertion, she was not right to give way to the -emotions of kindness which our intimacy produced, -and to seek for that support in friendship and -affection, which could alone give pleasure to her -heart, and peace to her meditations. It was only -about six months since she had resolutely banished -every thought of Mr. Imlay; but it was at -least eighteen that he ought to have been banished, -and would have been banished, had it not been -for her scrupulous pertinacity in determining to -leave no measure untried to regain him. Add to -this, that the laws of etiquette ordinarily laid down -in these cases, are essentially absurd, and that the -sentiments of the heart cannot submit to be directed -by the rule and the square. But Mary had an -extreme aversion to be made the topic of vulgar -discussion; and, if there be any weakness in this, -the dreadful trials through which she had recently -passed, may well plead in its excuse. She felt -that she had been too much, and too rudely spoken -of, in the former instance; and she could not resolve -to do any thing that should immediately revive -that painful topic.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_92'>92</span>For myself, it is certain that I had for many -years regarded marriage with so well-grounded an -apprehension, that, notwithstanding the partiality -for Mary that had taken possession of my soul, I -should have felt it very difficult, at least in the -present stage of our intercourse, to have resolved -on such a measure. Thus, partly from similar, -and partly from different motives, we felt alike in -this, as we did perhaps in every other circumstance -that related to our intercourse.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have nothing further that I find it necessary to -record, till the commencement of April 1797. -We then judged it proper to declare our marriage, -which had taken place a little before. The principal -motive for complying with this ceremony, -was the circumstance of Mary’s being in a state -of pregnancy. She was unwilling, and perhaps -with reason, to incur that exclusion from the society -of many valuable and excellent individuals, -which custom awards in cases of this sort. I should -have felt an extreme repugnance to the having -caused her such an inconvenience. And, after the -experiment of seven months of as intimate an intercourse -as our respective modes of living would -admit, there was certainly less hazard to either, -in the subjecting ourselves to those consequences -which the laws of England annex to the relations -of husband and wife. On the sixth of April we -<span class='pageno' id='Page_93'>93</span>entered into possession of a house, which had been -taken by us in concert.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In this place I have a very curious circumstance -to notice, which I am happy to have occasion to -mention, as it tends to expose certain regulations -of polished society, of which the absurdity vies -with the odiousness. Mary had long possessed the -advantage of an acquaintance with many persons -of genius, and with others whom the effects of an -intercourse with elegant society, combined with a -certain portion of information and good sense, sufficed -to render amusing companions. She had -lately extended the circle of her acquaintance in -this respect; and her mind, trembling between -the opposite impressions of past anguish and -renovating tranquilly, found ease in this species of -recreation. Wherever Mary appeared, admiration -attended upon her. She had always displayed -talents for conversation; but maturity of understanding, -her travels, her long residence in -France, the discipline of affliction, and the smiling, -new-born peace which awaked a corresponding -smile in her animated countenance, inexpressibly -increased them. The way in which the story -of Mr. Imlay was treated in these polite circles, -was probably the result of the partiality she excited. -These elegant personages were divided -between their cautious adherence to forms, and -the desire to seek their own gratification. Mary -<span class='pageno' id='Page_94'>94</span>made no secret of the nature of her connection -with Mr. Imlay; and in one instance, I well -know, she put herself to the trouble of explaining -it to a person totally indifferent to her, because -he never failed to publish every thing he knew, -and, she was sure, would repeat her explanation -to his numerous acquaintance. She was of too -proud and generous a spirit to stoop to hypocracy. -These persons however, in spite of all that could -be said, persisted in shutting their eyes, and pretending -they took her for a married woman.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Observe the consequence of this! While she -was, and constantly professed to be, an unmarried -mother; she was fit society for the squeamish and -the formal. The moment she acknowledged herself -a wife, and that by a marriage perhaps unexceptionable, -the case was altered. Mary and -myself, ignorant as we were of these elevated -refinements, supposed that our marriage would -place her upon a surer footing in the calendar of -polished society, than ever. But it forced these -people to see the truth, and to confess their belief -of what they had carefully been told; and -this they could not forgive. Be it remarked, that -the date of our marriage had nothing to do with -this, that question being never once mentioned -during this period. Mary indeed had, till now, -retained the name of Imlay, which had first been -assumed from necessity in France; but its being -<span class='pageno' id='Page_95'>95</span>retained thus long, was purely from the aukwardness -that attends the introduction of a change, -and not from an apprehension of consequences of -this sort. Her scrupulous explicitness as to the -nature of her situation, surely sufficed to make -the name she bore perfectly immaterial.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is impossible to relate the particulars of such a -story, but in the language of contempt and ridicule. -A serious reflection however upon the -whole, ought to awaken emotions of a different -sort. Mary retained the most numerous portion -of her acquaintance, and the majority of those -whom she principally valued. It was only the -supporters and the subjects of the unprincipled -manners of a court, that she lost. This however -is immaterial. The tendency of the proceeding -strictly considered, and uniformly acted upon, -would have been to proscribe her from all valuable -society. And who was the person proscribed? -The firmest champion, and, as I strongly suspect, -the greatest ornament her sex ever had to boast! -A woman, with sentiments as pure, as refined, -and as delicate, as ever inhabited a human heart! -It is fit that such persons should stand by, that we -may have room enough for the dull and insolent -dictators, the gamblers and demireps of polished -society!</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_96'>96</span>Two of the persons, the loss of whose acquaintance -Mary principally regretted upon this occasion, -were Mrs. Inchbald and Mrs. Siddons.—Their -acquaintance, it is perhaps fair to observe, -is to be ranked among her recent acquisitions. -Mrs. Siddons, I am sure, regretted the necessity, -which she conceived to be imposed on her by the -peculiarity of her situation, to conform to the -rules I have described. She is endowed with that -rich and generous sensibility, which should best -enable its possessor completely to feel the merits of -her deceased friend. She very truly observes, in -a letter now before me, that the Travels in Norway -were read by no one, who was in possession -of “more reciprocity of feeling, or more deeply -impressed with admiration of the writer’s extraordinary -powers.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mary felt a transitory pang, when the conviction -reached her of so unexpected a circumstance, -that was rather exquisite. But she disdained to -sink under the injustice (as this ultimately was) of -the supercilious and the foolish, and presently shook -off the impression of the first surprize. That -once subsided, I well know that the event was -thought of, with no emotions, but those of superiority -to the injustice she sustained; and was not -of force enough, to diminish a happiness, which -seemed hourly to become more vigorous and -firm.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_97'>97</span>I think I may venture to say, that no two persons -ever found in each other’s society, a satisfaction -more pure and refined. What it was in itself, -can now only be known, in its full extent, to the -survivor. But, I believe, the serenity of her -countenance, the increasing sweetness of her manners, -and that consciousness of enjoyment that -seemed ambitious that every one she saw should -be happy as well as herself, were matters of general -observation to all her acquaintance. She -had always possessed, in an unparallelled degree, -the art of communicating happiness, and she was -now in the constant and unlimited exercise of it. -She seemed to have attained that situation, which -her disposition and character imperiously demanded, -but which she had never before attained; and -her understanding and her heart felt the benefit -of it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>While we lived as near neighbours only, and -before our last removal, her mind had attained -considerable tranquillity, and was visited but seldom -with those emotions of anguish, which had been -but too familiar to her. But the improvement in -this respect, which accrued upon our removal -and establishment, was extremely obvious. She -was a worshipper of domestic life. She loved to -observe the growth of affection between me and -her daughter, then three years of age, as well as -my anxiety respecting the child not yet born. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_98'>98</span>Pregnancy itself, unequal as the decree of nature -seems to be in this respect, is the source of a -thousand endearments. No one knew better than -Mary how to extract sentiments of exquisite delight, -from trifles, which a suspicious and formal -wisdom would scarcely deign to remark. A little -ride into the country with myself and the child, -has sometimes produced a sort of opening of the -heart, a general expression of confidence and affectionate -soul, a sort of infantine, yet dignified endearment, -which those who have felt may understand, -but which I should in vain attempt to -pourtray.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In addition to our domestic pleasures, I was -fortunate enough to introduce her to some of my -acquaintance of both sexes, to whom she attached -herself with all the ardour of approbation and -friendship.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Ours was not an idle happiness, a paradise of -selfish and transitory pleasures. It is perhaps -scarcely necessary to mention, that, influenced by -the ideas I had long entertained upon the subject -of cohabitation, I engaged an apartment, about -twenty doors from our house in the Polygon, -Somers Town, which I designed for the purpose -of my study and literary occupations. Trifles -however will be interesting to some readers, -when they relate to the last period of the life of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_99'>99</span>such a person as Mary. I will add therefore, -that we were both of us of opinion, that it was -possible for two persons to be too uniformly in each -other’s society. Influenced by that opinion, it -was my practice to repair to the apartment I -have mentioned as soon as I rose, and frequently -not to make my appearance in the Polygon, till -the hour of dinner. We agreed in condemning -the notion, prevalent in many situations in life, -that a man and his wife cannot visit in mixed society, -but in company with each other; and we -rather sought occasions of deviating from, than of -complying with, this rule. By these means, -though, for the most part, we spent the latter -half of each day in one another’s society, -yet we were in no danger of satiety. We -seemed to combine, in a considerable degree, the -novelty and lively sensation of a visit, with the -more delicious and heart-felt pleasures of domestic -life.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Whatever may be thought, in other respects, -of the plan we laid down to ourselves, we probably -derived a real advantage from it, as to the -constancy and uninterruptedness of our literary -pursuits. Mary had a variety of projects of this -sort, for the exercise of her talents, and the benefit -of society; and, if she had lived, I believe -the world would have had very little reason to -complain of any remission of her industry. One -of her projects, which has been already mentioned, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_100'>100</span>was a series of Letters on the Management of -Infants. Though she had been for some time -digesting her ideas on this subject with a view to -the press, I have found comparatively nothing -that she had committed to paper respecting it. -Another project, of longer standing, was of a series -of books for the instruction of children. A -fragment she left in execution of this project, is -inserted in her Posthumous Works.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But the principal work, in which she was engaged -for more than twelve months before her -decease, was a novel, entitled, The Wrongs of -Woman. I shall not stop here to explain the -nature of the work, as so much of it as was already -written, is now given to the public. I shall only -observe that, impressed as she could not fail to be, -with the consciousness of her talents, she was desirous, -in this instance, that they should effect -what they were capable of effecting. She was -sensible how arduous a task it is to produce a truly -excellent novel; and she roused her faculties -to grapple with it. All her other works were -produced with a rapidity, that did not give her -powers time fully to expand. But this was written -slowly and with mature consideration. She -began it in several forms, which she successively -rejected, after they were considerably advanced. -She wrote many parts of the work again and again, -and, when she had finished what she intended for -<span class='pageno' id='Page_101'>101</span>the first part, she felt herself more urgently stimulated -to revise and improve what she had written, -than to proceed, with constancy of application, in -the parts that were to follow.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_102'>102</span> - <h3 class='c001'>CHAP. X.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c012'>I am now led, by the course of my narrative, -to the last fatal scene of her life. She was taken -in labour on Wednesday, the thirtieth of August. -She had been somewhat indisposed on the preceding -Friday, the confluence, I believe, of a -sudden alarm. But from that time she was in -perfect health. She was so far from being under -any apprehension as to the difficulties of child-birth, -as frequently to ridicule the fashion of ladies in England, -who keep their chamber for one full month -after delivery. For herself, she proposed coming -down to dinner on the day immediately following. -She had already had some experience on the subject -in the case of Fanny; and I chearfully submitted -in every point to her judgment and her -wisdom. She hired no nurse. Influenced by ideas -of decorum, which certainly ought to have no -place, at least in cases of danger, she determined -to have a woman to attend her in the capacity of -midwife. She was sensible that the proper business -of a midwife, in the instance of a natural -<span class='pageno' id='Page_103'>103</span>labour, is to sit by and wait for the operations of -nature, which seldom, in these affairs, demand -the interposition of art.</p> - -<p class='c007'>At five o’clock in the morning of the day of -delivery, she felt what she conceived to be some -notices of the approaching labour. Mrs. Blenkinsop, -matron and midwife to the Westminster -Lying-in Hospital, who had seen Mary several -times previous to her delivery, was soon after -sent for, and arrived about nine. During the -whole day Mary was perfectly chearful. Her -pains came on slowly; and, in the morning, she -wrote several notes, three addressed to me, who -had gone, as usual, to my apartments, for the -purpose of study. About two o’clock in the afternoon, -she went up to her chamber—never -more to descend.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The child was born at twenty minutes after -eleven at night. Mary had requested that I -would not come into the chamber till all was -over, and signified her intention of then performing -the interesting office of presenting -the new-born child to its father. I was sitting -in a parlour; and it was not till after two o’clock -on Thursday morning, that I received the alarming -intelligence, that the placenta was not yet -removed, and that the midwife dared not proceed -any further, and gave her opinion for calling in a -male practitioner. I accordingly went for Dr. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_104'>104</span>Poignand, physician and man-midwife to the same -hospital, who arrived between three and four -hours after the birth of the child. He immediately -proceeded to the extraction of the placenta, -which he brought away in pieces, till he was satisfied -that the whole was removed. In that point -however it afterwards appeared that he was mistaken.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The period from the birth of the child till about -eight o’clock the next morning, was a period full -of peril and alarm. The loss of blood was considerable, -and produced an almost uninterrupted -series of fainting fits. I went to the chamber soon -after four in the morning, and found her in this -state. She told me some time on Thursday, -“that she should have died the preceding night, -but that she was determined not to leave me.”—She -added, with one of those smiles which so -eminently illuminated her countenance, “that I -should not be like Porson,” alluding to the circumstance -of that great man having lost his wife, -after being only a few months married. Speaking -of what she had already passed through, she declared, -“that she had never known what bodily -pain was before.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>On Thursday morning Dr. Poignand repeated -his visit. Mary had just before expressed some inclination -to see Dr. George Fordyce, a man probably -of more science than any other medical professor -<span class='pageno' id='Page_105'>105</span>in England, and between whom and herself -there had long subsisted a mutual friendship. I -mentioned this to Dr. Poignand, but he rather discountenanced -the idea, observing that he saw no -necessity for it, and that he supposed Dr. Fordyce -was not particularly conversant with obstetrical -cases; but that I would do as I pleased. After -Dr. Poignand was gone, I determined to send for -Dr. Fordyce. He accordingly saw the patient -about three o’clock on Thursday afternoon. He, -however, perceived no particular cause of alarm; -and, on that or the next day, quoted, as I am told, -Mary’s case, in a mixed company, as a corroboration -of a favourite idea of his, of the propriety -of employing females in the capacity of midwives. -Mary, “had had a woman, and was doing extremely -well.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>What had passed, however, in the night between -Wednesday and Thursday, had so far alarmed me, -that I did not quit the house, and scarcely the -chamber, during the following day. But my -alarms wore off, as time advanced. Appearances -were more favourable, than the exhausted state of -the patient would almost have permitted me to -expect. Friday morning, therefore, I devoted to a -business of some urgency, which called me to different -parts of the town, and which, before dinner, -I happily completed. On my return, and -during the evening, I received the most pleasurable -<span class='pageno' id='Page_106'>106</span>sensations from the promising state of the patient. -I was now perfectly satisfied that every -thing was safe, and that, if she did not take cold, -or suffer from any external accident, her speedy -recovery was certain.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Saturday was a day less auspicious than Friday, -but not absolutely alarming.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Sunday, the third of September, I now regard -as the day, that finally decided on the fate of the -object dearest to my heart that the universe contained. -Encouraged by what I considered as the -progress of her recovery, I accompanied a friend -in the morning in several calls, one of them as far -as Kensington, and did not return till dinner-time. -On my return I found a degree of anxiety in every -face, and was told that she had had a sort of shivering -fit, and had expressed some anxiety at the -length of my absence. My sister and a friend of -hers, had been engaged to dine below stairs, but a -message was sent to put them off, and Mary ordered -that the cloth should not be laid, as usual, in -the room immediately under her on the first floor, -but in the ground-floor parlour. I felt a pang at -having been so long and so unseasonably absent, -and determined that I would not repeat the fault.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In the evening she had a second shivering fit, -the symptoms of which were in the highest degree -<span class='pageno' id='Page_107'>107</span>alarming. Every muscle of the body trembled, -the teeth chattered, and the bed shook under her. -This continued probably for five minutes. She -told me, after it was over, that it had been a struggle -between life and death, and that she had been -more than once, in the course of it, at the point of -expiring. I now apprehend these to have been -the symptoms of a decided mortification, occasioned -by the part of the placenta that remained -in the womb. At the time, however, I was far -from considering it in that light. When I went -for Dr. Poignand, between two and three o’clock -on the morning of Thursday, despair was in my -heart. The fact of the adhesion of the placenta -was stated to me; and, ignorant as I was of obstetrical -science, I felt as if the death of Mary was -in a manner decided. But hope had re-visited -my bosom; and her chearings were so delightful, -that I hugged her obstinately to my heart. I was -only mortified at what appeared to me a new delay -in the recovery I so earnestly longed for. I -immediately sent for Dr. Fordyce, who had been -with her in the morning, as well as on the three -preceding days. Dr. Poignand had also called this -morning, but declined paying any further visits, -as we had thought proper to call in Dr. Fordyce.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The progress of the disease was now uninterrupted. -On Tuesday I found it necessary again -<span class='pageno' id='Page_108'>108</span>to call in Dr. Fordyce in the afternoon, who -brought with him Dr. Clarke of New Burlington-street, -under the idea that some operation might be -necessary. I have already said, that I pertinaciously -persisted in viewing the fair side of things; -and therefore the interval between Sunday and -Tuesday evening, did not pass without some mixture -of chearfulness. On Monday, Dr. Fordyce -forbad the child’s having the breast, and we therefore -procured puppies to draw off the milk. This -occasioned some pleasantry of Mary with me and -the other attendants. Nothing could exceed the -equanimity, the patience and affectionateness of -the poor sufferer. I intreated her to recover; I -dwelt with trembling fondness on every favourable -circumstance; and, as far it was possible in so -dreadful a situation, she, by her smiles and kind -speeches, rewarded my affection.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Wednesday was to me the day of greatest torture -in the melancholy series. It was now decided -that the only chance of supporting her -through what she had to suffer, was by supplying -her rather freely with wine. This task was devolved -upon me. I began about four o’clock in -the afternoon. But for me, totally ignorant of the -nature of diseases and of the human frame, thus -to play with a life that now seemed all that was -dear to me in the universe, was too dreadful a -task. I knew neither what was too much, nor -<span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span>what was too little. Having begun, I felt compelled, -under every disadvantage, to go on. This -lasted for three hours. Towards the end of that -time, I happened foolishly to ask the servant who -came out of the room, “What she thought of -her mistress?” she replied, “that, in her judgment, -she was going as fast as possible.” There -are moments, when any creature that lives, has -power to drive one into madness. I seemed to -know the absurdity of this reply; but that was of -no consequence—It added to the measure of my -distraction. A little after seven I intreated a friend -to go for Mr. Carlisle, and bring him instantly -wherever he was to be found. He had voluntarily -called on the patient on the preceding Saturday, -and two or three times since. He had seen -her that morning, and had been earnest in recommending -the wine diet. That day he dined four -miles out of town, on the side of the metropolis, -which was furthest from us. Notwithstanding this, -my friend returned with him after three-quarters -of an hour’s absence. No one who knows my -friend, will wonder either at his eagerness or success, -when I name Mr. Basil Montagu. The -sight of Mr. Carlisle thus unexpectedly, gave me a -stronger alleviating sensation, than I thought it -possible to experience.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. Carlisle left us no more from Wednesday -evening, to the hour of her death. It was impossible -<span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>to exceed his kindness and affectionate attention. -It excited in every spectator a sentiment -like adoration. His conduct was uniformly tender -and anxious, ever upon the watch, observing -every symptom, and eager to improve every favourable -appearance. If skill or attention could -have saved her, Mary would still live. In addition -to Mr. Carlisle’s constant presence, she had Dr. -Fordyce and Dr. Clarke every day. She had for -nurses, or rather for friends, watching every occasion -to serve her, Mrs. Fenwick, author of an -excellent novel, entitled Secrecy, another very -kind and judicious lady, and a favourite female -servant. I was scarcely ever out of the room. -Four friends, Mr. Fenwick, Mr. Basil Montagu, -Mr. Marshal, and Mr. Dyson, sat up nearly the -whole of the last week of her existence in the -house, to be dispatched, on any errand, to any -part of the metropolis, at a moment’s warning.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. Carlisle being in the chamber, I retired to -bed for a few hours on Wednesday night. Towards -morning he came into my room with an account -that the patient was surprisingly better. I -went instantly into the chamber. But I now sought -to suppress every idea of hope. The greatest anguish -I have any conception of, consists in that -crushing of a new-born hope which I had already -two or three times experienced. If Mary recovered, -it was well, and I should see it time -<span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>enough. But it was too mighty a thought to -bear being trifled with, and turned out and admitted -in this abrupt way.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I had reason to rejoice in the firmness of my -gloomy thoughts, when, about ten o’clock on -Thursday evening, Mr. Carlisle told us to prepare -ourselves, for we had reason to expect the -fatal event every moment. To my thinking, she -did not appear to be in that state of total exhaustion, -which I supposed to precede death; but it is -probable that death does not always take place by -that gradual process I had pictured to myself; a -sudden pang may accelerate his arrival. She did -not die on Thursday night.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Till now it does not appear that she had any -serious thoughts of dying; but on Friday and Saturday, -the two last days of her life, she occasionally -spoke as if she expected it. This was, however, -only at intervals; the thought did not seem -to dwell upon her mind. Mr. Carlisle rejoiced in -this. He observed, and there is great force in the -suggestion, that there is no more pitiable object, -than a sick man, that knows he is dying. The -thought must be expected to destroy his courage, -to co-operate with the disease, and to counteract -every favourable effort of nature.</p> - -<p class='c007'>On these two days her faculties were in too decayed -a state, to be able to follow any train of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>ideas with force or any accuracy of connection. -Her religion, as I have already shown, was not -calculated to be the torment of a sick bed; and, in -fact, during her whole illness, not one word of a -religious cast fell from her lips.</p> - -<p class='c007'>She was affectionate and compliant to the last. -I observed on Friday and Saturday nights, that, -whenever her attendants recommended to her to -sleep, she discovered her willingness to yield, by -breathing, perhaps for the space of a minute, in -the manner of a person that sleeps, though the effort, -from the state of her disorder, usually proved -ineffectual.</p> - -<p class='c007'>She was not tormented by useless contradiction. -One night the servant, from an error in judgment, -teazed her with idle expostulations; but she complained -of it grievously, and it was corrected.—“Pray, -pray, do not let her reason with me,” -was her expression. Death itself is scarcely so -dreadful to the enfeebled frame, as the monotonous -importunity of nurses everlastingly repeated.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Seeing that every hope was extinct, I was very -desirous of obtaining from her any directions, -that she might wish to have followed after her decease. -Accordingly, on Saturday morning, I -talked to her for a good while of the two children. -In conformity to Mr. Carlisle’s maxim of not impressing -<span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>the idea of death, I was obliged to manage -my expressions. I therefore affected to proceed -wholly upon the ground of her having been -very ill, and that it would be some time before she -could expect to be well; wishing her to tell me -any thing that she would choose to have done respecting -the children, as they would now be principally -under my care. After having repeated -this idea to her in a great variety of forms, she at -length said, with a significant tone of voice, “I -know what you are thinking of,” but added, that -she had nothing to communicate to me upon the -subject.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The shivering fits had ceased entirely for the -two last days. Mr. Carlisle observed that her -continuance was almost miraculous, and he was on -the watch for favourable appearances, believing it -highly improper to give up all hope, and remarking, -that perhaps one in a million, of persons in her -state might possibly recover. I conceive that not -one in a million, unites so good a constitution of -body and of mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>These were the amusements of persons in the -very gulph of despair. At six o’clock on Sunday -morning, September the tenth, Mr. Carlisle called -me from my bed to which I had retired at one, in -conformity to my request, that I might not be left -<span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>to receive all at once the intelligence that she was -no more. She expired at twenty minutes before -eight.</p> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<p class='c007'>Her remains were deposited, on the fifteenth of -September, at ten o’clock in the morning, in the -church-yard of the parish church of St. Pancras, -Middlesex. A few of the persons she most esteemed, -attended the ceremony; and a plain monument -is now erecting on the spot, by some of -her friends, with the following inscription:</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='sc'>mary wollstonecraft godwin,</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>author of</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>a vindication</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>of the rights of woman.</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>born, XXVII april MDCCLIX.</span></div> - <div><span class='sc'>died, X september MDCCXCVII.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<p class='c007'>The loss of the world in this admirable woman, -I leave to other men to collect; my own I well -know, nor can it be improper to describe it. I do -not here allude to the personal pleasures I enjoyed -in her conversation: these increased every day, -in proportion as we knew each other better, and -as our mutual confidence increased. They can be -measured only by the treasures of her mind, and -the virtues of her heart. But this is a subject for -meditation, not for words. What I purposed alluding -to, was the improvement that I have for -ever lost.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>We had cultivated our powers (if I may venture -to use this sort of language) in different directions; -I, chiefly an attempt at logical and metaphysical -distinction; she, a taste for the picturesque. -One of the leading passions of my -mind has been an anxious desire not to be deceived. -This has led me to view the topics of my reflection -on all sides; and to examine and re-examine -without end, the questions that interest me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But it was not merely (to judge at least from all -the reports of my memory in this respect) the -difference of propensities, that made the difference -in our intellectual habits. I have been stimulated -as long as I can remember, by an ambition for -intellectual distinction; but, as long as I can remember, -I have been discouraged, when I have -endeavoured to cast the sum of my intellectual value, -by finding that I did not possess, in the degree -of some other men, an intuitive perception -of intellectual beauty. I have perhaps a strong -and lively sense of the pleasures of the imagination; -but I have seldom been right in assigning to them -their proportionate value, but by dint of persevering -examination, and the change and correction -of my first opinions.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What I wanted in this respect, Mary possessed, -in a degree superior to any other person I ever -knew. The strength of her mind lay in intuition. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>She was often right, by this means only, in matters -of mere speculation. Her religion, her philosophy, -(in both of which the errors were comparatively -few, and the strain dignified and generous) -were, as I have already said, the pure result -of feeling and taste. She adopted one opinion, -and rejected another, spontaneously, by a -sort of tact and the force of a cultivated imagination; -and yet, though perhaps, in the strict sense -of the term, she reasoned little, it is surprising -what a degree of soundness is to be found in her -determinations. But, if this quality was of use -to her in topics that seem the proper province of -reasoning, it was much more so in matters directly -appealing to the intellectual taste. In a robust -and unwavering judgment of this sort, there is a -kind of witchcraft; when it decides justly, it -produces a responsive vibration in every ingenuous -mind. In this sense, my oscillation and scepticism -were fixed by her boldness. When a true -opinion emanated in this way from another mind, -the conviction produced in my own assumed a -similar character, instantaneous and firm. This -species of intellect probably differs from the other, -chiefly in the relation of earlier and later. What -the one perceives instantaneously (circumstances -having produced in it, either a premature attention -to objects of this sort, or a greater boldness -of decision) the other receives only by degrees. -What it wants, seems to be nothing more than a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>minute attention to first impressions, and a just -appreciation of them; habits that are never so -effectually generated, as by the daily recurrence -of a striking example.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This light was lent to me for a very short -period, and is now extinguished for ever!</p> - -<p class='c007'>While I have described the improvement I was -in the act of receiving, I believe I have put down -the leading traits of her intellectual character.</p> - -<p class='c012'><span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>The following Letters may possibly be found -to contain the finest examples of the language of -sentiment and passion ever presented to the world. -They bear a striking resemblance to the celebrated -Romance of Werter, though the incidents to -which they relate are of a very different cast. -Probably the readers to whom Werter is incapable -of affording pleasure, will receive no delight -from the present publication. The editor apprehends -that, in the judgment of those best qualified -to decide upon the comparison, these Letters -will be admitted to have the superiority over the -fiction of Goethe. They are the offspring of a -glowing imagination, and a heart penetrated with -the passion it essays to describe.</p> - -<p class='c007'>To the series of letters constituting the principal -article in these two volumes, are added various -pieces, none of which, it is hoped, will be found -discreditable to the talents of the author. The -slight fragment of Letters on the Management of -Infants, may be thought a trifle; but it seems to -have some value, as presenting to us with vividness -the intention of the writer on this important -subject. The publication of a few select Letters -to Mr. Johnson, appeared to be at once a just monument -to the sincerity of his friendship, and a -valuable and interesting specimen of the mind of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>the writer. The Letter on the Present Character -of the French Nation, the Extract of the Cave of -Fancy, a Tale, and the Hints for the Second Part -of the Rights of Woman, may, I believe, safely -be left to speak for themselves. The Essay on -Poetry and our Relish for the Beauties of Nature, -appeared in the Monthly Magazine for April last, -and is the only piece in this collection which has -previously found its way to the press.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span> - <h2 id='Letters' class='c004'>LETTERS.</h2> -</div> - -<h3 class='c013'>LETTER I.</h3> -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Two o’Clock.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c000'>My dear love, after making my arrangements -for our snug dinner to-day, I have been taken by -storm, and obliged to promise to dine, at an -early hour, with the Miss ——s, the only day -they intend to pass here. I shall, however, leave -the key in the door, and hope to find you at my -fire-side when I return, about eight o’clock. Will -you not wait for poor Joan?—whom you will -find better, and till then think very affectionately -of her.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours, truly,</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am sitting down to dinner; so do not send an -answer.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER II.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Past Twelve o’Clock, Monday night,</div> - <div class='line in20'>[August]</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I obey an emotion of my heart, which made -me think of wishing thee, my love, good night! -before I go to rest, with more tenderness than I -can to-morrow, when writing a hasty line or two -under Colonel ——’s eye. You can scarcely -imagine with what pleasure I anticipate the day, -when we are to begin almost to live together; and -you would smile to hear how many plans of employment -I have in my head, now that I am confident -that my heart has found peace in your bosom.—Cherish -me with that dignified tenderness, -which I have only found in you; and your own -dear girl will try to keep under a quickness of -feeling, that has sometimes given you pain—Yes, -I will be <em>good</em>, that I may deserve to be happy: -and whilst you love me, I cannot again fall into -the miserable state, which rendered life a burthen -almost too heavy to be borne.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But, good-night!—God bless you! Sterne says, -that is equal to a kiss—yet I would rather give -you the kiss into the bargain, glowing with gratitude -to Heaven, and affection to you. I like -the word affection, because it signifies something -habitual; and we are soon to meet, to try whether -<span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span>we have mind enough to keep our hearts -warm.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I will be at the barrier a little after ten o’clock -to-morrow<a id='r3'></a><a href='#f3' class='c011'><sup>[3]</sup></a>—Yours—</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f3'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r3'>3</a>. The child is in a subsequent letter called the “barrier -girl,” probably from a supposition that she owed her existence -to this interview.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>EDITOR.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER III.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>You have often called me, dear girl, but you -would now say good, did you know how very attentive -I have been to the —— ever since I came -to Paris. I am not however going to trouble you -with the account, because I like to see your eyes -praise me; and, Milton insinuates, that during -such recitals, there are interruptions, not ungrateful -to the heart, when the honey that drops -from the lips is not merely words.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yet, I shall not (let me tell you before these -people enter, to force me to huddle away my -letter) be content with only a kiss of <span class='fss'>DUTY</span>—you -<em>must</em> be glad to see me—because you are -glad—or I will make love to the <em>shade</em> of Mirabeau, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span>to whom my heart continually turned, whilst I -was talking to Madame ——, forcibly telling me -that it will ever have sufficient warmth to love, -whether I will or not, sentiment, though I so -highly respect principle.——</p> - -<p class='c007'>Not that I think Mirabeau utterly devoid of -principles—far—and, if I had not begun -to form a new theory respecting men, I should, -in the vanity of my heart, have imagined that I -could have made something of his——it was composed -of such materials—Hush! here they come—and -love flies away in the twinkling of an eye, -leaving a little brush of his wing on my pale -cheeks.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I hope to see Dr. —— this morning; I am -going to Mr. ——’s to meet him. ——, and some -others, are invited to dine with us to-day; and -to-morrow I am to spend the day with ——.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall probably not be able to return to —— -to-morrow; but it is no matter, because I must -take a carriage, I have so many books, that I immediately -want, to take with me—On Friday -then I shall expect you to dine with me—and, if -you come a little before dinner, it is so long since I -have seen you, you will not be scolded by yours -affectionately</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER IV<a id='r4'></a><a href='#f4' class='c011'><sup>[4]</sup></a>.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='footnote' id='f4'> -<p class='c015'><a href='#r4'>4</a>. This and the thirteen following letters appear to have -been written during a separation of several months; the date -Paris.</p> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Friday Morning [September.]</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>A man, whom a letter from Mr. —— previously -announced, called here yesterday for the -payment of a draft; and he seemed disappointed -at not finding you at home. I sent him to Mr. —— I have since seen him, and he tells me that -he has settled the business.</p> - -<p class='c007'>So much for business!—may I venture to talk a -little longer about less weighty affairs?—How are -you?—I have been following you all along the -road this comfortless weather; for, when I am -absent from those I love, my imagination is as -lively, as if my senses had never been gratified by -their presence—I was going to say caresses—and -why should I not? I have found out that I have -more than you, in one respect; because I can, -without any violent effort of reason, find food for -love in the same object, much longer than you -can.—The way to my senses is through my heart; -but, forgive me! I think there is sometimes a -shorter cut to yours.</p> - -<p class='c007'>With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, a very -sufficient dash of folly is necessary to render a -<span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>woman <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">piquante</span></i>, a soft word for desirable; and, -beyond these casual ebullitions of sympathy, -few look for enjoyment by fostering a passion -in their hearts. One reason, in short, why I -wish my whole sex to become wiser, is, that -the foolish ones may not, by their pretty folly, -rob those whose sensibility keeps down their -vanity, of the few roses that afford them solace in -the thorny road of life.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I do not know how I fell into these reflections, -excepting one thought produced it—that these -continual separations were necessary to warm your -affection.—Of late, we are always separating.—Crack!—crack!—and -away you go.—This -joke wears the sallow cast of thought; for, though -I began to write cheerfully, some melancholy -tears have found their way into my eyes, that -linger there, whilst a glow of tenderness at my -heart whispers that you are one of the best creatures -in the world.—Pardon then the vagaries of a -mind, that has been almost “crazed by care” as -well as “crossed in hapless love,” and bear with -me a <em>little</em> longer!—When we are settled in the -country together, more duties will open before -me, and my heart, which now, trembling into -peace, is agitated by every emotion that awaken -the remembrance of old griefs, will learn to rest -on yours, with that dignity your character, not -to talk of my own, demands.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_126'>126</span>Take care of yourself—and write soon to your -own girl (you may add dear, if you please) who -sincerely loves you, and will try to convince you -of it, by becoming happier</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER V.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just received your letter, and feel as -if I could not go to bed tranquilly without saying -a few words in reply—merely to tell you, that my -mind is serene, and my heart affectionate.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Ever since you last saw me inclined to faint, I -have felt some gentle twitches, which make me -begin to think, that I am nourishing a creature -who will soon be sensible of my care.—This -thought has not only produced an overflowing of -tenderness to you, but made me very attentive to -calm my mind and take exercise, lest I should -destroy an object, in whom we are to have a mutual -interest, you know. Yesterday—do not -smile!—finding that I had hurt myself by lifting -precipitately a large log of wood, I sat down in -an agony, till I felt those said twitches again.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Are you very busy?</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_127'>127</span>So you may reckon on its being finished soon, -though not before you come home, unless you are -detained longer than I now allow myself to believe -you will.—</p> - -<p class='c007'>Be that as it may, write to me, my best love, -and bid me be patient—kindly—and the expressions -of kindness will again beguile the time, as -sweetly as they have done to-night.—Tell me also -over and over again, that your happiness (and -you deserve to be happy!) is closely connected -with mine, and I will try to dissipate, as they -rise, the fumes of former discontent, that have -too often clouded the sunshine, which you have -endeavoured to diffuse through my mind. God -bless you! Take care of yourself, and remember -with tenderness your affectionate</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am going to rest very happy, and you have -made me so.—This is the kindest good night I -can utter.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER VI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Friday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am glad to find that other people can be unreasonable, -as well as myself—for be it known to -thee, that I answered thy first letter, the very night it -<span class='pageno' id='Page_128'>128</span>reached me (Sunday), though thou couldst not -receive it before Wednesday, because it was not -sent off till the next day.—There is a full, true, -and particular account.—</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yet I am not angry with thee, my love, for -I think that it is a proof of stupidity, and likewise -of a milk-and-water affection, which comes to the -same thing, when the temper is governed by a -square and compass.—There is nothing picturesque -in this straight-lined equality, and the passions -always give grace to the actions.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Recollection now makes my heart bound to -thee; but, it is not to thy money-getting face, -though I cannot be seriously displeased with the -exertion which increases my esteem, or rather is -what I should have expected from thy character.—No; -I have thy honest countenance before me—Pop—relaxed -by tenderness; a little—little -wounded by my whims; and thy eyes glistening -with sympathy.—Thy lips then feel softer than -soft—and I rest my cheek on thine, forgetting all -the world.—I have not left the hue of love out -of the picture—the rosy glow; and fancy has -spread it over my own cheeks, I believe, for I -feel them burning, whilst a delicious tear trembles -in my eye, that would be all your own, if a -grateful emotion directed to the Father of nature, -who has made me thus alive to happiness, did not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_129'>129</span>give more warmth to the sentiment it divides—I -must pause a moment.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Need I tell you that I am tranquil after writing -thus?—I do not know why, but I have more confidence -in your affection, when absent, than present; -nay, I think that you must love me, for, -in the sincerity of my heart let me say it, I believe -I deserve your tenderness, because I am true, and -have a degree of sensibility that you can see and -relish.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER VII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday Morning (December 29.)</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>You seem to have taken up your abode at -H——. Pray sir! when do you think of coming -home? or, to write very considerately, -when will business permit you? I shall expect -(as the country people say in England) that you -will make a <em>power</em> of money to indemnify me for -your absence.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_130'>130</span>Well! but, my love, to the old story—am I -to see you this week, or this month?—I do not -know what you are about—for, as you did not -tell me, I would not ask Mr. ——, who is generally -pretty communicative.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I long to see Mrs. ——; not to hear -from you, so do not give yourself airs, but to get -a letter from Mr. ——. And I am half angry -with you for not informing me whether she -had brought one with her or not.—On this score -I will cork up some of the kind things that were -ready to drop from my pen, which has never -been dipt in gall when addressing you; or, will -only suffer an exclamation—“The creature!” or -a kind look, to escape me, when I pass the flippers—which -I could not remove from my <em>salle</em> door, -though they are not the handsomest of their kind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Be not too anxious to get money!—for nothing -worth having is to be purchased. God bless you.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours affectionately</div> - <div class='line in20'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_131'>131</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER VIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Monday Night (December 30.)</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>My best love, your letter to-night was particularly -grateful to my heart, depressed by the -letters I received by ——, for he brought me -several, and the parcel of books directed to Mr. -—— was for me. Mr. ——’s letter -was long and very affectionate; but the account -he gives me of his own affairs, though he obviously -makes the best of them, has vexed me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>A melancholy letter from my sister —— has -also harrassed my mind—that from my brother -would have given me sincere pleasure; but for</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>There is a spirit of independence in this letter, -that will please you; and you shall see it, when -we are once more over the fire together—I think -that you would hail him as a brother, with one of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_132'>132</span>your tender looks, when your heart not only gives -a lustre to your eye, but a dance of playfulness, -that he would meet with a glow half made up of -bashfulness, and a desire to please the —— where -shall I find a word to express the relationship -which subsists between us? Shall I ask the little -twitcher? But I have dropt half the sentence -that was to tell you how much he would be inclined -to love the man loved by his sister. I have -been fancying myself sitting between you, ever -since I began to write, and my heart has leaped -at the thought! You see how I chat to you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I did not receive your letter till I came home; -and I did not expect it, so the post came in much -later than usual. It was a cordial to me—and I -wanted one.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. —— tells me that he has written again -and again.—Love him a little!—It would be a -kind of separation, if you did not love those I -love.</p> - -<p class='c007'>There was so much considerate tenderness in -your epistle to-night, that, if it has not made you -dearer to me, it has made me forcibly feel how -very dear you are to me, by charming away half -my cares.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours affectionately</div> - <div class='line in20'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_133'>133</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER IX.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Tuesday Morning, [December 31.]</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Though I have just sent a letter off, yet, as -captain —— offers to take one, I am not willing -to let him go without a kind greeting, because -trifles of this sort, without having any effect on -my mind, damp my spirits:—and you, with all -your struggles to be manly, have some of this -same sensibility. Do not bid it begone, for I love -to see it striving to master your features; besides, -these kind of sympathies are the life of affection: -and why, in cultivating our understandings, should -we try to dry up these springs of pleasure, which -gush out to give a freshness to days browned by -care!<a id='t133'></a></p> - -<p class='c007'>The books sent to me are such as we may read -together; so I shall not look into them till you return; -when you shall read, whilst I mend my -stockings.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_134'>134</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER X.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday Night [January 1.]</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>As I have been, you tell me, three days -without writing, I ought not to complain of two: -yet, as I expected to receive a letter this afternoon, -I am hurt; and why should I, by concealing -it, affect the heroism I do not feel?</p> - -<p class='c007'>I hate commerce. How differently must ——’s -and heart be organized from mine! You will tell -me, that exertions are necessary: I am weary of -them! The face of things, public and private, -vexes me. The “peace” and clemency which -seemed to be dawning a few days ago, disappear -again. “I am fallen,” as Milton said, “on -evil days;” for I really believe that Europe will -be in a state of convulsion, during half a century -at least. Life is but a labour of patience: it is always -rolling a great stone up a hill; for, before a -person can find a resting-place, imagining it is -lodged, down it comes again, and all the work is -to be done over anew!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Should I attempt to write any more, I could -not change the strain. My head aches, and my -heart is heavy. The world appears an “unweeded -garden,” where “things rank and vile” -flourish best.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_135'>135</span>If you do not return soon—or, which is no such -mighty matter, talk of it—I will throw your slippers -out at the window, and be off—nobody knows -where.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Finding that I was observed, I told the good -women, the two Mrs. ——, simply that I was -with child: and let them stare!—and ——, -nay, all the world, may know it for aught I care—Yet -I wish to avoid ——’s coarse jokes.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Considering the care and anxiety a woman must -have about a child before it comes into the world, -it seems to me, by a natural right, to belong to -her. When men get immersed in the world, they -seem to lose all sensations, excepting those necessary -to continue or produce life!—Are these the -privileges of reason? Amongst the feathered race, -whilst the hen keeps the young warm, her mate -stays by to cheer her; but it is sufficient for man -to condescend to get a child, in order to claim it.—A -man is a tyrant!</p> - -<p class='c007'>You may now tell me, that, if it were not for -me, you would be laughing away with some honest -fellows in L—n. The casual exercise of social -sympathy would not be sufficient for me—I -should not think such an heartless life worth preserving.—It -<span class='pageno' id='Page_136'>136</span>is necessary to be in good-humour -with you, to be pleased with the world.</p> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Thursday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I was very low-spirited last night, ready to -quarrel with your cheerful temper, which makes -absence easy to you.—And, why should I mince -the matter? I was offended at your not even mentioning -it. I do not want to be loved like a goddess; -but I wish to be necessary to you. God bless -you!<a id='r5'></a><a href='#f5' class='c011'><sup>[5]</sup></a></p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f5'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r5'>5</a>. Some further letters, written during the remainder of -the week, in a similar strain to the preceding, appear to -have been destroyed by the person to whom they are addressed.</p> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Monday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just received your kind and rational -letter, and would fain hide my face, glowing with -shame for my folly. I would hide it in your bosom, -if you would again open it to me, and nestle -closely till you bade my fluttering heart be still, by -saying that you forgave me. With eyes overflowing -with tears, and in the humblest attitude, I -intreat you. Do not turn from me, for indeed I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_137'>137</span>love you fondly, and have been very wretched, -since the night I was so cruelly hurt by thinking -that you had no confidence in me—</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is time for me to grow more reasonable, a -few more of these caprices of sensibility would -destroy me. I have, in fact, been very much indisposed -for a few days past, and the notion that I -was tormenting, or perhaps killing, a poor little -animal, about whom I am grown anxious and -tender, now I feel it alive, made me worse. My -bowels have been dreadfully disordered, and every -thing I ate or drank disagreed with my stomach; -still I feel intimations of its existence, though they -have been fainter.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Do you think that the creature goes regularly -to sleep? I am ready to ask as many questions as -Voltaire’s Man of Forty Crowns. Ah! do not -continue to be angry with me! You perceive that -I am already smiling through my tears—You -have lightened my heart, and my frozen spirits -are melting into playfulness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Write the moment you receive this. I shall -count the minutes. But drop not an angry word, -I cannot now bear it. Yet, if you think I deserve -a scolding (it does not admit of a question, I grant), -wait till you come back—and then, if you are -<span class='pageno' id='Page_138'>138</span>angry one day, I shall be sure of seeing you the -next.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— —— did not write to you, I suppose, because -he talked of going to H——. Hearing that -I was ill, he called very kindly on me, not dreaming -that it was some words that he incautiously -let fall, which rendered me so.</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you, my love; do not shut your heart -against a return of tenderness; and, as I now in -fancy cling to you, be more than ever my support. -Feel but as affectionate when you read this -letter, as I did writing it, and you will make -happy, your</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I will never, if I am not entirely cured of -quarrelling, begin to encourage “quick-coming -fancies,” when we are separated. Yesterday, my -love, I could not open your letter for some time; -and, though it was not half as severe as I merited, -it threw me into such a fit of trembling, as seriously -alarmed me. I did not, as you may suppose, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_139'>139</span>care for a little pain on my own account; -but all the fears which I have had for a few days -past, returned with fresh force. This morning I -am better; will you not be glad to hear it? You -perceive that sorrow has almost made a child of -me, and that I want to be soothed to peace.</p> - -<p class='c007'>One thing you mistake in my character, and -imagine that to be coldness which is just the contrary. -For, when I am hurt by the person most -dear to me, I must let out a whole torrent of emotions, -in which tenderness would be uppermost, or -stifle them altogether; and it appears to me almost -a duty to stifle them, when I imagine that I am -treated with coldness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am afraid that I have vexed you, my own ——. -I know the quickness of your feelings—and let -me, in the sincerity of my heart, assure you, there -is nothing I would not suffer to make you happy. -My own happiness wholly depends on you—and, -knowing you, when my reason is not clouded, I -look forward to a rational prospect of as much -felicity as the earth affords—with a little dash of -rapture into the bargain, if you will look at me, -when we meet again, as you have sometimes -greeted, your humbled, yet most affectionate</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_140'>140</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Thursday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been wishing the time away, my kind -love, unable to rest till I knew that my penitential -letter had reached your hand, and this afternoon, -when your tender epistle of Tuesday gave such -exquisite pleasure to your poor sick girl, her heart -smote her to think that you were to receive another -cold one. Burn it also, my ——; yet do -not forget that even those letters were full of love; -and I shall ever recollect, that you did not wait to -be mollified by my penitence, before you took me -again to your heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have been unwell, and would not, now I am -recovering, take a journey, because I have been -seriously alarmed and angry with myself, dreading -continually the fatal consequence of my folly. -But, should you think it right to remain at H—, -I shall find some opportunity, in the course of a -fortnight, or less perhaps, to come to you, and -before then I shall be strong again.—Yet do not -be uneasy! I am really better, and never took -such care of myself, as I have done since you restored -my peace of mind. The girl is come to -warm my bed—so I will tenderly say, good night! -and write a line or two in the morning.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='pageno' id='Page_141'>141</span>Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I wish you were here to walk with me this -fine morning! yet your absence shall not prevent -me. I have stayed at home too much; though, -when I was so dreadfully out of spirits, I was careless -of every thing.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will now sally forth (you will go with me in -my heart) and try whether this fine bracing air -will not give the vigour to the poor babe, it had, -before I so inconsiderately gave way to the grief -that deranged my bowels, and gave a turn to my -whole system.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XIV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Saturday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The two or three letters, which I have written -to you lately, my love, will serve as an answer to -your explanatory one. I cannot but respect your -motives and conduct. I always respected them; -and was only hurt, by what seemed to me a want -of confidence, and consequently affection.—I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_142'>142</span>thought also, that if you were obliged to stay three -months at H—, I might as well have been with -you.—Well! well, what signifies what I brooded -over—Let us now be friends!</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall probably receive a letter from you to-day, -sealing my pardon—and I will be careful not -to torment you with my querulous humours, at -least, till I see you again. Act as circumstances -direct, and I will not enquire when they will permit -you to return, convinced that you will hasten -to your * * * *, when you have attained (or -lost sight of) the object of your journey.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What a picture have you sketched of our fire-side! -Yes, my love, my fancy was instantly at -work, and I found my head on your shoulder, -whilst my eyes were fixed on the little creatures -that were clinging to your knees. I did not absolutely -determine that there should be six—if -you have not set your heart on this round number.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am going to dine with Mrs. ——. I have -not been to visit her since the first day she came -to Paris. I wish indeed to be out in the air as -much as I can; for the exercise I have taken -these two or three days past, has been of such service -to me, that I hope shortly to tell you, that I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_143'>143</span>am quite well, I have scarcely slept before last -night, and then not much.—The two Mrs. ——s -have been very anxious and tender.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I need not desire you to give the colonel a good -bottle of wine.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I wrote to you yesterday, my ——; but, -finding that the colonel is still detained (for his -passport was forgotten at the office yesterday) I -am not willing to let so many days elapse without -your hearing from me, after having talked of -illness and apprehensions.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I cannot boast of being quite recovered, yet I -am (I must use my Yorkshire phrase; for, when -my heart is warm, pop come the expressions of -childhood into my head) so <em>lightsome</em>, that I -think it will not <em>go badly with me</em>.—And nothing -shall be wanting on my part, I assure you; for I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_144'>144</span>am urged on, not only by an enlivened affection -for you, but by a new-born tenderness that plays -cheerly round my dilating heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I was therefore, in defiance of cold and dirt, out -in the air the greater part of yesterday; and, if -I get over this evening without a return of the -fever that has tormented me, I shall talk no more -of illness. I have promised the little creature, -that its mother, who ought to cherish it, will not -again plague it, and begged it to pardon me; and, -since I could not hug either it or you to my breast, -I have to my heart.—I am afraid to read over -this prattle—but it is only for your eye.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have been seriously vexed, to find that, whilst -you were harrassed by impediments in your undertakings, -I was giving you additional uneasiness.—If -you can make any of your plans answer—it -is well, I do not think a little money inconvenient; -but, should they fail, we will struggle -cheerfully together—drawn closer by the pinching -blasts of poverty.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu, my love! Write often to your poor -girl, and write long letters; for I not only like -them for being longer, but because more heart -steals into them; and I am happy to catch your -heart whenever I can.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_145'>145</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XVI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Tuesday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I seize this opportunity to inform you that I -am to set out on Thursday with Mr. ——, -and hope to tell you soon (on your lips) how glad -I shall be to see you. I have just got my passport, -so I do not foresee any impediment to my -reaching H——, to bid you good-night next -Friday in my new apartment—where I am to -meet you and love, in spite of care, to smile me to -sleep—for I have not caught much rest since we -parted.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You have, by your tenderness and worth, -twisted yourself more artfully round my heart, -than I supposed possible.—Let me indulge the -thought, that I have thrown out some tendrils to -cling to the elm by which I wished to be supported.—This -is talking a new language for me!—But, -knowing that I am not a parasite-plant, I am -willing to receive the proofs of affection, that -every pulse replies to, when I think of being -once more in the same house with you.—God -bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_146'>146</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XVII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I only send this as an <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">avant-coureur</span></i>, without -jack-boots, to tell you, that I am again on the -wing, and hope to be with you a few hours after -you receive it. I shall find you well, and composed, -I am sure; or, more properly speaking, -cheerful.—What is the reason that my spirits are -not as manageable as yours? Yet, now I think of -it. I will not allow that your temper is even, -though I have promised myself, in order to obtain -my own forgiveness, that I will not ruffle -it for a long, long time—I am afraid to say -never.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Farewell for a moment!—Do not forget that -I am driving towards you in person! My mind, -unfettered, has flown to you long since, or rather -has never left you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am well, and have no apprehension that I -shall find the journey too fatiguing, when I follow -the lead of my heart.—With my face turned to -H—my spirits will not sink—and my mind has -always hitherto enabled my body to do whatever -I wished.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours affectionately</div> - <div class='line in16'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_147'>147</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XVIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>H—, Thursday Morning, March 12.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>We are such creatures of habit, my love, that, -though I cannot say I was sorry, childishly so, -for your going, when I knew that you were to -stay such a short time, and I had a plan of employment; -yet I could not sleep.—I turned to -your side of the bed, and tried to make the most -of the comfort of the pillow, which you used to -tell me I was churlish about; but all would not -do.—I took nevertheless my walk before breakfast, -though the weather was not very inviting—and -here I am, wishing you a finer day, and seeing -you peep over my shoulder, as I write, with one -of your kindest looks—when your eyes glisten, -and a suffusion creeps over your relaxing features.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But I do not mean to dally with you this -morning—So God bless you! Take care of yourself -and sometimes fold<a id='t147'></a> to your heart your affectionate.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_148'>148</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XIX.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c015'>Do not call me stupid, for leaving on the table -the little bit of paper I was to inclose.—This comes -of being in love at the fag end of a letter of business.—You -know, you say, they will not chime -together.—I had got you by the fire-side, with -<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">gigot</span></i> smoking on the board, to lard your poor -bare ribs—and behold, I closed my letter without -taking the paper up, that was directly under my -eyes!—What had I got in them to render me so -blind?—I give you leave to answer the question, -if you will not scold; for I am</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most affectionately</div> - <div class='line in24'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XX.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday, August 17.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have promised —— to go with him to -his country-house, where he is now permitted to -dine—and the little darling, to be sure<a id='r6'></a><a href='#f6' class='c011'><sup>[6]</sup></a>—whom -<span class='pageno' id='Page_149'>149</span>I cannot help kissing with more fondness, since -you left us. I think I shall enjoy the fine prospect, -and that it will rather enliven than satiate -my imagination.</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f6'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r6'>6</a>. The child spoken of in some preceding letters, had now -been born a considerable time.</p> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have called on Mrs. ——. She has the -manners of a gentlewoman, with a dash of the -easy French coquetry, which renders her <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">piquante</span></i>. -But <em>Monsieur</em> her husband, whom nature -never dreamed of casting in either the mould -of a gentleman or lover, makes but an aukward -figure in the foreground of the picture.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The H——s are very ugly, without doubt—and -the house smelt of commerce from top to -toe, so that his abortive attempt to display taste, -only proved it to be one of the things not to be -bought with gold. I was in a room a moment -alone, and my attention was attracted by the <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">pendule</span></i>. -A nymph was offering up her vows before -a smoking altar, to a fat-bottomed Cupid (saving -your presence), who was kicking his heels in the -air. Ah! kick on, thought I; for the demon of -traffic will ever fright away the loves and graces, -that streak with the rosy beams of infant fancy the -<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">sombre</span></i> day of life—whilst the imagination, not -allowing us to see things as they are, enables us to -catch a hasty draught of the running stream of delight, -the thirst for which seems to be given only -to tantalize us.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_150'>150</span>But I am philosophizing; nay, perhaps you will -call me severe, and bid me let the square-headed -money-getters alone. Peace to them! though -none of the social spirits (and there are not a few -of different descriptions, who sport about the various -inlets to my heart) gave me a twitch to restrain -my pen.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have been writing, expecting poor —— -to come; for, when I began, I merely thought of -business; and, as this is the idea that most naturally -associates with your image, I wonder I -stumbled on any other.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yet, as common life, in my opinion, is scarcely -worth having, even with a <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">gigot</span></i> every day, and a -pudding added thereunto, I will allow you to cultivate -my judgment, if you will permit me to -keep alive the sentiments in your heart which -may be termed romantic, because, the offspring -of the senses and the imagination, they resemble -the mother more than the father<a id='r7'></a><a href='#f7' class='c011'><sup>[7]</sup></a>, when they produce -the suffusion I admire. In spite of icy age, -I hope still to see it, if you have not determined -only to eat and drink, and be stupidly useful to the -stupid—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='footnote' id='f7'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r7'>7</a>. She means, “the latter more than the former.”</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>EDITOR.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_151'>151</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>H—, August 19, Tuesday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I received both your letters to-day—I had -reckoned on hearing from you yesterday, therefore -was disappointed, though I imputed your silence -to the right cause. I intended answering -your kind letter immediately, that you might have -felt the pleasure it gave me; but —— came -in, and some other things interrupted me; so -that the fine vapour has evaporated—yet, leaving -a sweet scent behind, I have only to tell you, -what is sufficiently obvious, that the earnest desire -I have shown to keep my place, or gain more -ground in your heart, is a sure proof how necessary -your affection is to my happiness.—Still I -do not think it false delicacy, or foolish pride, to -wish that your attention to my happiness should -arise <em>as much</em> from love, which is always rather a -selfish passion, as reason—that is, I want you to -promote my felicity, by seeking your own—For, -whatever pleasure it may give me to discover your -generosity of soul, I would not be dependent for -your affection on the very quality I most admire. -No; there are qualities in your heart, which demand -my affection; but, unless the attachment -appears to me clearly mutual, I shall labour only -to esteem your character, instead of cherishing a -tenderness for your person.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_152'>152</span>I write in a hurry, because the little one, who -has been sleeping a long time, begins to call for -me. Poor thing! when I am sad, I lament that -all my affections grow on me, till they become -too strong for my peace, though they all afford -me snatches of exquisite enjoyment—This for -our little girl was at first very reasonable—more -the effect of reason, a sense of duty, than feeling—now, -she has got into my heart and imagination, -and when I walk out without her, her little -figure is ever dancing before me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You too have somehow clung round my heart—I -found I could not eat my dinner in the great -room—and, when I took up the large knife to -carve for myself, tears rushed into my eyes.—Do -not however suppose that I am melancholy—for, -when you are from me, I not only wonder how -I can find fault with you—but how I can doubt -your affection.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will not mix any comments on the inclosed (it -roused my indignation) with the effusion of tenderness, -with which I assure you, that you are the -friend of my bosom, and the prop of my heart.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_153'>153</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>H—, August 20.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I want to know what steps you have taken -respecting ——. Knavery always rouses my indignation—I -should be gratified to hear that the -law had chastised —— severely; but I do not -wish you to see him, because the business does not -now admit of peaceful discussion, and I do not exactly -know how you would express your contempt.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Pray ask some questions about Tallien—I am -still pleased with the dignity of his conduct.—The -other day, in the cause of humanity, he made use -of a degree of address, which I admire—and mean -to point out to you, as one of the few instances -of address which do credit to the abilities of the -man, without taking away from that confidence -in his openness of heart, which is the true basis of -both public and private friendship.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Do not suppose that I mean to allude to a little -reserve of temper in you, of which I have sometimes -complained! You have been used to a cunning -woman, and you almost look for cunning—Nay, -in <em>managing</em> my happiness, you now and -then wounded my sensibility, concealing yourself -till honest sympathy, giving you to me without -<span class='pageno' id='Page_154'>154</span>disguise, lets me look into a heart, which my halfbroken -one wishes to creep into, to be revived -and cherished.——You have frankness of heart, -but not often exactly that overflowing (<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">épanchement -de cœur</span></i>), which becoming almost childish, -appears a weakness only to the weak.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But I have left poor Tallien. I wanted you -to enquire likewise whether, as a member declared -in the convention, Robespierre really maintained -a number of mistresses—Should it prove so, -I suspect that they rather flattered his vanity than -his senses.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Here is a chatting, desultory epistle! But do -not suppose that I mean to close it without mentioning -the little damsel—who has been almost -springing out of my arm—she certainly looks very -like you—but I do not love her the less for that, -whether I am angry or pleased with you.—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours affectionately</div> - <div class='line in20'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXIII<a id='r8'></a><a href='#f8' class='c011'><sup>[8]</sup></a>.</h3> - -<div class='footnote' id='f8'> -<p class='c015'><a href='#r8'>8</a>. This is the first of a series of letters written during a -separation of many months, to which no cordial meeting -ever succeeded. They were sent from Paris, and bear the -address of London.</p> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>September 22.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just written two letters, that are -going by other conveyances, and which I reckon -<span class='pageno' id='Page_155'>155</span>on your receiving long before this. I therefore -merely write, because I know I should be disappointed -at seeing any one who had left you, if you -did not send a letter, were it ever so short, to tell -me why you did not write a longer—and you -will want to be told, over and over again, that our -little Hercules is quite recovered.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Besides looking at me there are three other -things, which delight her—to ride in a coach, to -look at a scarlet waistcoat, and hear loud music—yesterday -at the <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">féte</span></i>, she enjoyed the two latter; -but to honor J. J. Rousseau, I intend to give -her a sash, the first she has ever had round her—and -why not?—for I have always been half -in love with him.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Well, this you will say is trifling—shall I talk -about alum or soap? There is nothing picturesque -in your present pursuits; my imagination then -rather chuses to ramble back to the barrier with -you, or to see you coming to meet me, and my -basket of grapes.—With what pleasure do I recollect -your looks and words, when I have been sitting -on the window, regarding the waving -corn!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Believe me, sage sir, you have not sufficient -respect for the imagination—I could prove to you -in a trice that it is the mother of sentiment, the -great distinction of our nature, the only purifier -<span class='pageno' id='Page_156'>156</span>of the passions—animals have a portion of reason, -and equal, if not more exquisite, senses; -but no trace of imagination, or her offspring -taste, appears in any of their actions. The impulse -of the senses, passions, if you will, and the -conclusions of reason draw men together; but -the imagination is the true fire, stolen from heaven -to animate this cold creature of clay, producing -all those fine sympathies that lead to rapture, -rendering men social by expanding their -hearts instead of leaving them leisure to calculate -how many comforts society affords.</p> - -<p class='c007'>If you call these observations romantic, a -phrase in this place which would be tantamount to -nonsensical, I shall be apt to retort, that you are -embruted by trade, and the vulgar enjoyments of -life—Bring me then back your barrier face, or -you shall have nothing to say to my barrier-girl; -and I shall fly from you to cherish the remembrances -that will be ever dear to me; for I am -yours truly</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXIV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Evening. Sept. 23.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been playing and laughing with the -little girl so long, that I cannot take up my pen to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_157'>157</span>address you without emotion. Pressing her to -my bosom, she looked so like you (<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entre nous</span></i>, your -best looks, for I do not admire your commercial -face) every nerve seemed to vibrate to the touch, -and I began to think that there was something in -the assertion of man and wife being one—for you -seemed to pervade my whole frame, quickening -the beat of my heart, and lending me the sympathetic -tears you excited.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Have I any thing more to say to you? No; not -for the present—the rest is all flown away; and, -indulging tenderness for you, I cannot now complain -of some people here, who have ruffled my -temper for two or three days past.</p> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Yesterday B—— sent to me for my -packet of letters. He called on me before; and I -like him better than I did—that is, I have the -same opinion of his understanding, but I think -with you, he has more tenderness and real delicacy -of feeling with respect to women, than are -commonly to be met with. His manner too of -speaking of his little girl, about the age of mine, -interested me. I gave him a letter for my sister, -and requested him to see her.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_158'>158</span>I have been interrupted. Mr. —— I suppose -will write about business. Public affairs I do not -descant on, except to tell you that they write -now with great freedom and truth; and this liberty -of the press will overthrow the Jacobins, I -plainly perceive.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I hope you take care of your health. I have -got a habit of restlessness at night, which arises, I -believe, from activity of mind; for, when I am -alone, that is, not near one to whom I can open -my heart, I sink into reveries and trains of thinking, -which agitate and fatigue me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This is my third letter; when am I to hear -from you? I need not tell you, I suppose, that I -am now writing with somebody in the room with -me, and —— is waiting to carry this to Mr. ——’s. -I will then kiss the girl for you, and bid you -adieu.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I desired you, in one of my other letters, to -bring back to me your barrier-face—or that you -should not be loved by my barrier-girl. I know -that you will love her more and more, for she is a -little affectionate, intelligent creature, with as -much vivacity, I think, as you could wish for.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I was going to tell you of two or three things -which displease me here; but they are not of -<span class='pageno' id='Page_159'>159</span>sufficient consequence to interrupt pleasing sensations. -I have received a letter from Mr. ——. -I want you to bring —— with you. Madame -S—— is by me, reading a German translation of -your letters—she desires me to give her love to -you, on account of what you say of the negroes.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most affectionately,</div> - <div class='line in20'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Paris, Sept. 28.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have written to you three or four letters; -but different causes have prevented my sending -them by the persons who promised to take or forward -them. The inclosed is one I wrote to go -by B——; yet, finding that he will not arrive, -before I hope, and believe, you will have set out -on your return, I inclose it to you, and shall give -it in charge to ——, as Mr. —— is detained, to -whom I also gave a letter.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I cannot help being anxious to hear from you; -but I shall not harrass you with accounts of inquietudes, -or of cares that arise from peculiar circumstances.—I -have had so many little plagues -<span class='pageno' id='Page_160'>160</span>here, that I have almost lamented that I left -H——. ——, who is at best a most helpless -creature, is now, on account of her pregnancy, -more trouble than use to me, so that I still continue -to be almost a slave to the child.—She indeed -rewards me, for she is a sweet little creature; -for, setting aside a mother’s fondness (which, by -the bye, is growing on me, her little intelligent -smiles sinking into my heart), she has an astonishing -degree of sensibility and observation. The -other day by B——’s child, a fine one, she -looked like a little sprite.—She is all life and motion, -and her eyes are not the eyes of a fool—I -will swear.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I slept at St. Germain’s, in the very room (if -you have not forgot) in which you pressed me -very tenderly to your heart.—I did not forget to -fold my darling to mine, with sensations that are -almost too sacred to be alluded to.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu, my love! Take care of yourself, if you -wish to be the protector of your child, and the -comfort of her mother.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have received, for you, letters from ——. -I want to hear how that affair finishes, though I -do not know whether I have most contempt for -his folly or knavery.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your own</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_161'>161</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXVI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>October 1.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>It is a heartless task to write letters, without -knowing whether they will ever reach you.—I -have given two to ——, who has been a-going, -a-going, every day, for a week past; and three -others, which were written in a low-spirited -strain, a little querulous or so, I have not been -able to forward by the opportunities that were -mentioned to me. <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Tant mieux!</span></i> you will say, -and I will not say nay; for I should be sorry that -the contents of a letter, when you are so far away, -should damp the pleasure that the sight of it would -afford—judging of your feelings by my own. I -just now stumbled on one of the kind letters, -which you wrote during your last absence. You -are then a dear affectionate creature, and I will -not plague you. The letter which you chance to -receive, when the absence is so long, ought to -bring only tears of tenderness, without any bitter -alloy, into your eyes.</p> - -<p class='c007'>After your return I hope indeed, that you will -not be so immersed in business, as during the last -<span class='pageno' id='Page_162'>162</span>three or four months past—for even money, taking -into the account all the future comforts it is -to procure, may be gained at too dear a rate, if -painful impressions are left on the mind.—These -impressions were much more lively, soon after -you went away, than at present—for a thousand -tender recollections efface the melancholy traces -they left on my mind—and every emotion is on -the same side as my reason, which always was on -yours.—Separated, it would be almost impious -to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of -character.—I feel that I love you; and, if I cannot -be happy with you, I will seek it no where -else.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My little darling grows every day more dear -to me—and she often has a kiss, when we are -alone together, which I give her for you, with -all my heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have been interrupted—and must send off my -letter. The liberty of the press will produce a -great effect here—the <em>cry of blood will not be vain</em>!—Some -more monsters will perish—and the Jacobins -are conquered.—Yet I almost fear the last -slap of the tail of the beast.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have had several trifling teazing inconveniencies -here, which I shall not now trouble you with -a detail of.—I am sending —— back; her pregnancy -<span class='pageno' id='Page_163'>163</span>rendered her useless. The girl I have got -has more vivacity, which is better for the child.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I long to hear from you.—Bring a copy of —— -and —— with you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— is still here; he is a lost man.—He really -loves his wife, and is anxious about his children; -but his indiscriminate hospitality and social feelings -have given him an inveterate habit of drinking, -that destroys his health, as well as renders his person -disgusting.—If his wife had more sense, or delicacy, -she might restrain him: as it is, nothing -will save him.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most truly and affectionately</div> - <div class='line in28'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXVII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>October 26.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>My dear love, I began to wish so earnestly to -hear from you, that the sight of your letters occasioned -such pleasurable emotions, I was obliged -to throw them aside till the little girl and I were -alone together; and this said little girl, our darling, -is become a most intelligent little creature, -and as gay as a lark, and that in the morning too, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_164'>164</span>which I do not find quite so convenient. I once -told you, that the sensations before she was born, -and when she is sucking, were pleasant; but they -do not deserve to be compared to the emotions I -feel, when she stops to smile upon me, or laughs -outright on meeting me unexpectedly in the street, -or after a short absence. She has now the advantage -of having two good nurses, and I am at -present able to discharge my duty to her, without -being the slave of it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have therefore employed and amused myself -since I got rid of ——, and am making a progress -in the language amongst other things. I have -also made some new acquaintance. I have almost -<em>charmed</em> a judge of the tribunal, R——, -who, though I should not have thought it possible, -has humanity, if not <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">beaucoup d’esprit</span></i>. But -let me tell you, if you do not make haste back, I -shall be half in love with the author of the <em>Marseillaise</em>, -who is a handsome man, a little too -broad-faced or so, and plays sweetly on the -violin.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What do you say to this threat?—why, <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entre -nous</span></i>, I like to give way to a sprightly vein, when -writing to you. “The devil,” you know, is -proverbially said to be “in a good humour, when -he is pleased.” Will you not then be a good boy, -and come back quickly to play with your girls? -<span class='pageno' id='Page_165'>165</span>but I shall not allow you to love the new-comer -best.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>My heart longs for your return, my love, and -only looks for, and seeks happiness with you; yet -do not imagine that I childishly wish you to come -back, before you have arranged things in such a -manner, that it will not be necessary for you to -leave us soon again, or to make exertions which -injure your constitution.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most truly and tenderly</div> - <div class='line in24'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>P. S. You would oblige me by delivering the -inclosed to Mr. ——, and pray call for an answer.—It -is for a person uncomfortably situated.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXVIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>December, 26.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been, my love, for some days tormented -by fears, that I would not allow to assume a form—I -had been expecting you daily—and I heard that -many vessels had been driven on shore during the -late gale.—Well, I now see your letter, and find -<span class='pageno' id='Page_166'>166</span>that you are safe: I will not regret then that your -exertions have hitherto been so unavailing.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Be that as it may, return to me when you have -arranged the other matters, which —— has been -crowding on you. I want to be sure that you are -safe—and not separated from me by a sea that -must be passed. For, feeling that I am happier -than ever I was, do you wonder at my sometimes -dreading that fate has not done persecuting me? -Come to me my dearest friend, father of my -child!—All these fond ties glow at my heart at -this moment, and dim my eyes.—With you an -independence is desirable; and it is always within -our reach, if affluence escapes us—without you -the world again appears empty to me. But I am -recurring to some of the melancholy thoughts that -have flitted across my mind for some days past, -and haunted my dreams.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My little darling is indeed a sweet child; and -I am sorry that you are not here, to see her little -mind unfold itself. You talk of “dalliance;” but -certainly no lover was more attached to his mistress -than she is to me. Her eyes follow me every -where, and by affection I have the most despotic -<span class='pageno' id='Page_167'>167</span>power over her. She is all vivacity or softness—yes; -I love her more than I thought I should. -When I have been hurt at your stay, I have embraced -her as my only comfort—when pleased with -you, for looking and laughing like you; nay, I -cannot, I find, long be angry with you, whilst -I am kissing her for resembling you. But there -would be no end to these details. Fold us both to -your heart; for I am truly and affectionately</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXIX.</h3> - -<div class='c016'>December 28.</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I do, my love, indeed sincerely sympathize -with you in all your disappointments.—Yet, knowing -that you are well, and think of me with affection, -I only lament other disappointments, because -I am sorry that you should thus exert your -self in vain, and that you are kept from me.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_168'>168</span>——, I know, urges you to stay, and is -continually branching out into new projects, because -he has the idle desire to amass a large fortune, -rather an immense one, merely to have -the credit of having made it. But we who are -governed by other motives, ought not to be led -on by him. When we meet we will discuss this -subject—You will listen to reason, and it has -probably occurred to you, that it will be better, -in future, to pursue some sober plan, which may -demand more time, and still enable you to arrive -at the same end. It appears to me absurd to -waste life in preparing to live.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Would it not now be possible to arrange your -business in such a manner as to avoid the inquietudes, -of which I have had my share since -your departure? It is not possible to enter into -business, as an employment necessary to keep the -faculties awake, and (to sink a little in the expressions) -the pot boiling, without suffering what -must ever be considered as a secondary object, to -engross the mind, and drive sentiment and affection -out of the heart?</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am in a hurry to give this letter to the person -who has promised to forward it with ——’s. -I wish then to counteract, in some measure, -what he has doubtless recommended most -warmly.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_169'>169</span>Stay, my friend, whilst it is <em>absolutely</em> necessary.—I -will give you no tenderer name, though it -glows at my heart, unless you come the moment -the settling the <em>present</em> objects permit. <em>I do not -consent</em> to your taking any other journey—or the -little woman and I will be off, the Lord knows -where. But, as I had rather owe every thing to -your affection, and, I may add, to your reason, -(for this immoderate desire of wealth, which -makes —— so eager to have you remain, is -contrary to your principles of action), I will not -importune you.—I will only tell you that I long -to see you—and, being at peace with you, I -shall be hurt, rather than made angry by delays. -Having suffered so much in life, do not be surprized -if I sometimes, when left to myself, -grow gloomy, and suppose that it was all a -dream, and that my happiness is not to last. I -say happiness, because remembrance retrenches -all the dark shades of the picture.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My little one begins to shew her teeth, and use -her legs.—She wants you to bear your part in the -nursing business, for I am fatigued with dancing -her, and, yet she is not satisfied—she wants you -to thank her mother for taking such care of her, -as you only can.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_170'>170</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXX.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>December 29.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Though I suppose you have later intelligence, -yet, as —— has just informed me -that he has an opportunity of sending immediately -to you, I take advantage of it to inclose you</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>How I hate this crooked business! This intercourse -with the world, which obliges one to see -the worst side of human nature! Why cannot -you be content with the object you had first in -view, when you entered into this wearisome -labyrinth? I know very well that you have been -imperceptibly drawn on; yet why does one project, -successful or abortive, only give place to -two others? Is it not sufficient to avoid poverty? -I am contented to do my part; and, even here, -sufficient to escape from wretchedness is not difficult -to obtain. And let me tell you, I have my -project also—and, if you do not soon return, the -little girl and I will take care of ourselves; we -will not accept any of your cold kindness—your -distant civilities—no; not we.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_171'>171</span>This is but half jesting, for I am really tormented -by the desire which —— manifests -to have you remain where you are.—Yet why -do I talk to you?—if he can persuade you let -him!—for, if you are not happier with me, and -your own wishes do not make you throw aside -these eternal projects, I am above using any arguments, -though reason, as well as affection -seems to offer them—if our affection be mutual, -they will occur to you—and you will act accordingly.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Since my arrival here, I have found the German -lady, of whom you have heard me speak. Her -first child died in the month; but she has another, -about the age of my ——, a fine little creature. -They are still but contriving to live —— earning -their daily bread—yet, though they are -but just above poverty, I envy them. She is a -tender affectionate mother—fatigued even by -her attention. However she has an affectionate -husband in her turn, to render her care light, and -to share her pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will own to you that, feeling extreme tenderness -for my little girl, I grow sad very often -when I am playing with her, that you are not -here, to observe with me how her mind unfolds -and her little heart becomes attached!—These -appear to me to be true pleasures—and still you -<span class='pageno' id='Page_172'>172</span>suffer them to escape you, in search of what we -may never enjoy. It is your own maxim to -“live in the present moment.”—<em>If you do</em>—stay, -for God’s sake; but tell me truth—if not, tell -me when I may expect to see you, and let me -not be always vainly looking for you, till I grow -sick at heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu! I am a little hurt. I must take my -darling to my bosom to comfort me.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>December 30.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Should you receive three or four of the -letters at once which I have written lately, do -not think of Sir John Brute, for I do not mean -to wife you. I only take advantage of every -occasion, that one out of three of my epistles -may reach your hands, and inform you that I am -not of ——’s opinion, who talks till he makes -me angry, of the necessity of your staying two -<span class='pageno' id='Page_173'>173</span>or three months longer. I do not like this life of -continual inquietude—and, <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entre nous</span></i>, I am determined -to try to earn some money here myself, -in order to convince you that, if you chuse to run -about the world to get a fortune, it is for yourself—for -the little girl and I will live without your -assistance, unless you are with us. I may be -termed proud—Be it so—but I will never -abandon certain principles of action.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The common run of men have such an ignoble -way of thinking, that if they debauch their -hearts, and prostitute their persons, following -perhaps a gust of inebriation, they suppose the -wife, slave rather, whom they maintain, has no -right to complain, and ought to receive the sultan -whenever he deigns to return, with open arms, -though his have been polluted by half an hundred -promiscuous amours during his absence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I consider fidelity and constancy as two distinct -things; yet the former is necessary, to give life -to the other—and such a degree of respect do I -think due to myself, that, if only probity, which -is a good thing in its place, brings you back, -never return!—for, if a wandering of the heart, -or even a caprice of the imagination detains you—there -is an end of all my hopes of happiness—I -could not forgive it, if I would.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_174'>174</span>I have gotten into a melancholy mood, you -perceive. You know my opinion of men in general; -you know that I think them systematic -tyrants, and that it is the rarest thing in the world, -to meet with a man with sufficient delicacy of -feeling to govern desire. When I am thus sad, I -lament that my little darling, fondly as I doat on -her, is a girl.—I am sorry to have a tie to a world -that for me is ever sown with thorns.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You will call this an ill-humoured letter, when, -in fact, it is the strongest proof of affection I can -give, to dread to lose you. —— has taken -such pains to convince me that you must and -ought to stay, that it has inconceivably depressed -my spirits.—You have always known my opinion—I -have ever declared, that two people, who mean -to live together, ought not to be long separated. If -certain things are more necessary to you than me—search -for them—Say but one word, and you -shall never hear of me more.—If not—for God’s -sake, let us struggle with poverty—with any evil, -but these continual inquietudes of business, which -I have been told were to last but a few months, -though every day the end appears more distant! -This is the first letter in this strain that I have determined -to forward to you; the rest lie by, because -I was unwilling to give you pain, and I -should not now write, if I did not think that there -<span class='pageno' id='Page_175'>175</span>would be no conclusion to the schemes, which demand, -as I am told, your presence.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *<a id='r9'></a><a href='#f9' class='c011'><sup>[9]</sup></a></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='footnote' id='f9'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r9'>9</a>. The person to whom the letters are addressed, was -about this time at Ramsgate, on his return, as he professed, -to Paris, when he was recalled, as it should seem, to London, -by the further pressure of business now accumulated upon -him.</p> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>January 9.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I just now received one of your hasty <em>notes</em>; -for business so entirely occupies you, that you have -not time, or sufficient command of thought, to -write letters. Beware! you seem to be got into -a whirl of projects and schemes, which are drawing -you into a gulph, that, if it do not absorb -your happiness, will infallibly destroy mine.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Fatigued during my youth by the most arduous -struggles, not only to obtain independence, but to -render myself useful, not merely pleasure, for -which I had the most lively taste, I mean the simple -pleasures that flow from passion and affection, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_176'>176</span>escaped me, but the most melancholy views of life -were impressed by a disappointed heart on my -mind. Since I knew you, I have been endeavouring -to go back to my former nature, and have allowed -some time to glide away, winged with the -delight which only spontaneous enjoyment can -give. Why have you so soon dissolved the charm?</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am really unable to bear the continual inquietude -which your and ——’s never-ending -plans produce. This you may term want of firmness—but -you are mistaken—I have still sufficient -firmness to pursue my principle of action. The -present misery, I cannot find a softer word to do -justice to my feelings, appears to me unnecessary—and -therefore I have not firmness to support it -as you may think I ought. I should have been -content, and still wish, to retire with you to a -farm—My God! any thing, but these continual -anxieties—any thing but commerce, which debases -the mind, and roots out affection from the -heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I do not mean to complain of subordinate inconveniences——yet -I will simply observe, that, -led to expect you every week, I did not make the -arrangements required by the present circumstances, -to procure the necessaries of life. In order -to have them, a servant, for that purpose only, -is indispensible—The want of wood, has made -<span class='pageno' id='Page_177'>177</span>me catch the most violent cold I ever had; and -my head is so disturbed by continual coughing, -that I am unable to write without stopping frequently -to recollect myself.—This however is -one of the common evils which must be borne -with——bodily pain does not touch the heart -though it fatigues the spirits.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Still as you talk of your return, even in February, -doubtingly, I have determined, the moment -the weather changes, to wean my child. It is -too soon for her to begin to divide sorrow!—And -as one has well said, “despair is a freeman,” we -will go and seek our fortune together.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This is not a caprice of the moment—for your -absence has given new weight to some conclusions, -that I was very reluctantly forming before -you left me.—I do not chuse to be a secondary -object. If your feelings were in unison with -mine, you would not sacrifice so much to visionary -prospects of future advantage.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_178'>178</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Jan. 15.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I was just going to begin my letter with the -tag end of a song, which would only have told -you, what I may as well say simply, that it is -pleasant to forgive those we love. I have received -your two letters, dated the 26th and 28th of -December, and my anger died away. You can -scarcely conceive the effect some of your letters -have produced on me. After longing to hear -from you during a tedious interval of suspense, -I have seen a superscription written by you. -Promising myself pleasure, and feeling emotion, -I have laid it by me, till the person who brought -it, left the room—when, behold! on opening it, -I have found only half a dozen hasty lines, that -have damped all the rising affection of my soul.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Well now for business—</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>My animal is well; I have not yet taught her -to eat, but nature is doing the business. I gave -<span class='pageno' id='Page_179'>179</span>her a crust to assist the cutting of her teeth; and -now she has two, she makes good use of them -to gnaw a crust, biscuit, &c. You would laugh -to see her; she is just like a little squirrel; she -will guard a crust for two hours; and, after fixing -her eye on an object for some time, dart on it -with an aim as sure as a bird of prey—nothing -can equal her life and spirits. I suffer from a -cold; but it does not affect her. Adieu! do not -forget to love us—and come soon to tell us that -you do.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXIV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Jan. 30.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>From the purport of your last letters, I should -suppose that this will scarcely reach you; and I -have already written so many letters, that you -have either not received, or neglected to acknowledge, -I do not find it pleasant, or rather I have -no inclination, to go over the same ground again. If -you have received them, and are still detained by -new projects, it is useless for me to say any more -on the subject. I have done with it for ever; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_180'>180</span>yet I ought to remind you, that your pecuniary -interest suffers by your absence.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>For my part, my head is turned giddy, by only -hearing of plans to make money, and my contemptuous -feelings have sometimes burst out. I -therefore was glad that a violent cold gave me a -pretext to stay at home, lest I should have uttered -unseasonable truths.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My child is well, and the spring will perhaps -restore me to myself.—I have endured many inconveniences -this winter, which should I be -ashamed to mention, if they had been unavoidable. -“The secondary pleasures of life,” you -say, “are very necessary to my comfort:” it may -be so; but I have ever considered them as secondary. -If therefore you accuse me of wanting -the resolution necessary to bear the <em>common</em><a id='r10'></a><a href='#f10' class='c011'><sup>[10]</sup></a> evils -of life; I should answer, that I have not fashioned -my mind to sustain them, because I would avoid -them, cost what it would.——</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu!</p> - -<div class='c017'>* * * *</div> - -<div class='footnote' id='f10'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r10'>10</a>. This probably alludes to some expression of the person -to whom the letters are addressed, in which he treated as -common evils, things upon which the letter-writer was disposed -to bestow a different appellation.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='fss'>EDITOR</span>.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_181'>181</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXV.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>February 9.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The melancholy presentiment has for some -time hung on my spirits, that we were parted -for ever; and the letters I received this day, by -Mr. ——, convince me that it was not without -foundation. You allude to some other letters, -which I suppose have miscarried; for most of -those I have got, were only a few hasty lines, -calculated to wound the tenderness the sight of the -superscriptions excited.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I mean not however to complain; yet so many -feelings are struggling for utterance, and agitating -a heart almost bursting with anguish, that I find it -very difficult to write with any degree of coherence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You left me indisposed, though you have taken -no notice of it; and the most fatiguing journey -I ever had, contributed to continue it. However, -I recovered my health; but a neglected -cold, and continual inquietude during the last two -months, have reduced me to a state of weakness -<span class='pageno' id='Page_182'>182</span>I never before experienced. Those who did not -know that the canker-worm was at work at the -core, cautioned me about suckling my child too -long. God preserve this poor child and render -her happier than her mother!</p> - -<p class='c007'>But I am wandering from my subject: indeed -my head turns giddy, when I think that all the -confidence I have had in the affection of others is -come to this. I did not expect this blow from -you. I have done my duty to you and my -child; and if I am not to have any return of -affection to reward me, I have the sad consolation -of knowing that I deserved a better fate. -My soul is weary—I am sick at heart; and but -for this little darling I would cease to care about -a life, which is now stripped of every charm.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You see how stupid I am, uttering declamation, -when I meant simply to tell you, that I -consider your requesting me to come to you, as -merely dictated by honor. Indeed, I scarcely -understand you. You request me to come, and -then tell me that you have not given up all -thoughts of returning to this place.</p> - -<p class='c007'>When I determined to live with you, I was -only governed by affection. I would share poverty -with you, but I turn with affright from -the sea of trouble on which you are entering. I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_183'>183</span>have certain principles of action: I know what to -look for to found my happiness on. It is not money. -With you I wished for sufficient to procure -the comforts of life—as it is, less will do.—I -can still exert myself to obtain the necessaries of -life for my child, and she does not want more at -present. I have two or three plans in my head to -earn our subsistence; for do not suppose that, -neglected by you, I will lie under obligations of a -pecuniary kind to you!—No; I would sooner -submit to menial service. I wanted the support -of your affection—that gone, all is over!—I did -not think, when I complained of ——’s contemptible -avidity to accumulate money, that he -would have dragged you into his schemes.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I cannot write. I enclose a fragment of a -letter written soon after your departure, and -another which tenderness made me keep back -when it was written. You will see then the -sentiments of a calmer, though not a more determined -moment. Do not insult me by saying, -that “our being together is paramount to every -other consideration!” Were it, you would not -be running after a bubble at the expence of my -peace of mind.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Perhaps this is the last letter you will ever receive -from me.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div><span class='pageno' id='Page_184'>184</span></div> -<div class='section'> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXVI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Feb. 10.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>You talk of “permanent views and future -comfort”—not for me, for I am dead to hope. -The inquietudes of the last winter have finished -the business, and my heart is not only broken, -but my constitution destroyed. I conceive myself -in a galloping consumption, and the continual -anxiety I feel at the thought of leaving my child, -feeds the fever that nightly devours me. It is -on her account that I again write to you, to conjure -you, by all that you hold sacred, to leave her -here with the German lady you may have heard -me mention! She has a child of the same age, -and they may be brought up together, as I wish -her to be brought up. I shall write more fully -on the subject. To facilitate this, I shall give up -my present lodgings, and go into the same house. -I can live much cheaper there, which is now -become an object. I have had 3000 livres from -——, and I shall take one more to pay my servant’s -wages, &c. and then I shall endeavour to -procure what I want by my own exertions. I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_185'>185</span>shall entirely give up the acquaintance of the -Americans.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— and I have not been on good terms a long -time. Yesterday he very unmanlily exulted -over me, on account of your determination to -stay. I had provoked it is true, by some asperities -against commerce, which have dropped from -me, when we have argued about the propriety of -your remaining where you are; and it is no matter, -I have drunk too deep of the bitter cup to -care about trifles.</p> - -<p class='c007'>When you first entered into these plans, you -bounded your views to the gaining of a thousand -pounds. It was sufficient to have procured a -farm in America, which would have been an -independence. You find now that you did not -know yourself, and that a certain situation in life -is more necessary to you than you imagined—more -necessary than an uncorrupted heart—For a -year or two you may procure yourself what you -call pleasure; eating, drinking, and women; but -in the solitude of declining life, I shall be remembered -with regret—I was going to say with remorse, -but checked my pen.</p> - -<p class='c007'>As I have never concealed the nature of my -connection with you, reputation will not suffer. -I shall never have a confident: I am content with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_186'>186</span>the approbation of my own mind; and, if there -be a searcher of hearts, mine will not be despised. -Reading what you have written relative to -the desertion of women, I have often wondered -how theory and practice could be so different, till -I recollected, that the sentiments of passion, and -the resolves of reason, are very distinct. As to -my sisters, as you are so continually hurried with -business, you need not write to them—I shall, -when my mind is calmer. God bless you! -Adieu!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>This has been such a period of barbarity and -misery, I ought not to complain of having my -share. I wish one moment that I had never -heard of the cruelties that have been practised -here, and the next envy the mothers who have -been killed with their children. Surely I had -suffered enough in life, not to be cursed with -a fondness, that burns up the vital stream I am -imparting. You will think me mad: I would I -were so, that I could forget my misery—so that -my head or heart would be still.——</p> - -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXVII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Feb. 19.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>When I first received your letter, putting off -your return to an indefinite time, I felt so hurt, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_187'>187</span>that I know not what I wrote. I am now calmer -though it was not the kind of wound over which -time has the quickest effect; on the contrary, the -more I think, the sadder I grow. Society fatigues -me inexpressibly—So much so, that finding -fault with every one, I have only reason -enough to discover that the fault is in myself. -My child alone interests me, and, but for her, I -should not take any pains to recover my health.</p> - -<p class='c007'>As it is, I shall wean her, and try if by that -step (to which I feel a repugnance, for it is my -only solace) I can get rid of my cough. Physicians -talk much of the danger attending any complaint -on the lungs, after a woman has suckled for -some months. They lay a stress also on the -necessity of keeping the mind tranquil—and my -God! how has mine been harrassed! But -whilst the caprices of other women are gratified, -“the wind of heaven not suffered to visit them -too rudely,” I have not found a guardian angel, -in heaven or on earth, to ward off sorrow or care -from my bosom.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What sacrifices have you not made for a woman -you did not respect!—But I will not go -over this ground—I want to tell you that I do not -understand you. You say that you have not -given up all thoughts of returning here—and I -know that it will be necessary—nay, is. I cannot -<span class='pageno' id='Page_188'>188</span>explain myself; but if you have not lost your -memory, you will easily divine my meaning. -What! is our life then only to be made up of separations? -and am I only to return to a country, -that has not merely lost all charms for me, but -for which I feel a repugnance that almost amounts -to horror, only to be left there a prey to it!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Why is it so necessary that I should return?—brought -up here, my girl would be freer. Indeed, -expecting you to join us, I had formed -some plans of usefulness that have now vanished -with my hopes of happiness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In the bitterness of my heart, I could complain -with reason, that I am left here dependant on a -man, whose avidity to acquire a fortune has rendered -him callous to every sentiment connected -with social or affectionate emotions. With a -brutal insensibility, he cannot help displaying the -pleasure your determination to stay gives him, in -spite of the effect it is visible it has had on me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Till I can earn money, I shall endeavour to -borrow some, for I want to avoid asking him -continually for the sum necessary to maintain me. -Do not mistake me, I have never been refused.—Yet -I have gone half a dozen times to the house -to ask for it, and come away without speaking——you -must guess why—Besides, I wish to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_189'>189</span>avoid hearing of the eternal projects to which -you have sacrificed my peace not remembering—but -I will be silent for ever.——</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXVIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>April 7.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Here I am at H——, on the wing towards -you, and I write now, only to tell you that you -may expect me in the course of three or four -days; for I shall not attempt to give vent to the -different emotions which agitate my heart—You -may term a feeling, which appears to me to be -a degree of delicacy that naturally arises from -sensibility, pride—Still I cannot indulge the very -affectionate tenderness which glows in my bosom, -without trembling, till I see by your eyes, that -it is mutual.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I sit, lost in thought, looking at the sea—and -tears rush into my eyes, when I find that I am -cherishing any fond expectations. I have indeed -been so unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult -to acquire fresh hopes, as to regain tranquillity. -Enough of this—lie still, foolish heart! But for -the little girl, I could almost wish that it should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_190'>190</span>cease to beat, to be no more alive to the anguish -of disappointment.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Sweet little creature! I deprived myself of my -only pleasure, when I weaned her about ten days -ago. I am however glad I conquered my repugnance. -It was necessary it should be done -soon, and I did not wish to embitter the renewal -of your acquaintance with her, by putting it off -till we met. It was a painful exertion to me, -and I thought it best to throw this inquietude with -the rest, into the sack that I would fain throw -over my shoulder. I wished to endure it alone, -in short—Yet, after sending her to sleep in the -next room for three or four nights, you cannot -think with what joy I took her back again to sleep -in my bosom!</p> - -<p class='c007'>I suppose I shall find you when I arrive, for -I do not see any necessity for you coming to me. -Pray inform Mr. ——, that I have his little -friend with me. My wishing to oblige him, -made me put myself to some inconvenience——and -delay my departure; which was irksome to -me, who have not quite as much philosophy, I -would not for the world say indifference, as you. -God bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_191'>191</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XXXIX.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Brighthelmstone, Saturday, April 11.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Here we are, my love, and mean to set out -early in the morning; and if I can find you, I -hope to dine with you to-morrow. I shall drive -to ——’s hotel, where —— tells me -you have been—and, if you have left it, I hope -you will take care there to receive us.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have brought with me Mr. ——’s little -friend, and a girl whom I like to take care of our -little darling—not on the way, for that fell to my -share. But why do I write about trifles?—or -any thing?—Are we not to meet soon?—What -does your heart say!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your’s truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have weaned my ——, and she is now -eating way at the white bread.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_192'>192</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XL.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>London, Friday, May 22.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just received your affectionate letter -and am distressed to think that I have added to -your embarrassments at this troublesome juncture, -when the exertion of all the faculties of your mind -appears to be necessary, to extricate you out of -your pecuniary difficulties. I suppose it was -something relative to the circumstance you have -mentioned, which made —— request to see -me to-day, to <em>converse about a matter of great importance</em>. -Be that as it may, his letter (such is -the state of my spirits) inconceivably alarmed me, -and rendered the last night as distressing as the -two former had been.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have laboured to calm my mind since you -left me—Still I find that tranquillity is not to -be obtained by exertion; it is a feeling so different -from the resignation of despair!—I am -however no longer angry with you—nor will I -ever utter another complaint—there are arguments -which convince the reason, whilst they -<span class='pageno' id='Page_193'>193</span>carry death to the heart—We have had too many -cruel explanations, that not only cloud every future -prospect; but embitter the remembrances -which alone give life to affection.—Let the subject -never be revived!</p> - -<p class='c007'>It seems to me that I have not only lost the -hope, but the power of being happy.——Every -emotion is now sharpened by anguish.—My -soul has been shook, and my tone of feelings -destroyed.—I have gone out—and sought for dissapation, -if not amusement merely to fatigue still -more, I find, my irritable nerves.—</p> - -<p class='c007'>My friend—my dear friend—examine yourself -well—I am out of the question; for, alass! I am -nothing—and discover what you wish to do—what -will render you most comfortable—or, to -be more explicit—whether you desire to live with -me, or part for ever? When you can once ascertain -it, tell me frankly, I conjure you!—for, -believe me, I have very involuntarily interrupted -your peace.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall expect you to dinner on Monday, and -will endeavour to assume a cheerful face to greet -you—at any rate I will avoid conversations, -which only tend to harrass your feelings, because -I am most affectionately yours.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_194'>194</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I inclose you the letter, which you desired -me to forward, and I am tempted very laconically -to wish you a good morning—not because I -am angry, or have nothing to say; but to keep -down a wounded spirit.—I shall make every effort -to calm my mind—yet a strong conviction seems -to whirl round in the very centre of my brain, -which, like the fiat of fate, emphatically assures -me, that grief has a firm hold of my heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>—, Wednesday. Two o’Clock.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>We arrived here about an hour ago. I am -extremely fatigued with the child, who would not -rest quiet with any body but me, during the night -<span class='pageno' id='Page_195'>195</span>and now we are here in a comfortless, damp -room, in a sort of tomb-like house. This however -I shall quickly remedy, for, when I have -finished this letter, (which I must do immediately, -because the post goes out early), I shall sally forth, -and enquire about a vessel and an inn.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will not distress you by talking of the depression -of my spirits, or the struggle I had to -keep alive my dying heart.—It is even now too -full to allow me to write with composure.—***, -—dear ****,—am I always to be tossed about -thus?—shall I never find an asylum to rest <em>contented</em> -in? How can you love to fly about continually—dropping -down, as it were, in a new -world—cold and strange!—every other day? -Why do you not attach those tender emotions -round the idea of home, which even now dim my -eyes?—This alone is affection—every thing else -is only humanity, electrified by sympathy.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will write to you again to-morrow, when I -know how long I am to be detained—and hope to -get a letter quickly from you, to cheer yours sincerely -and affectionately</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_196'>196</span>—— is playing near me in high spirits. She -was so pleased with the noise of the mail-horn, -she has been continually imitating it.—Adieu!</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Thursday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>A lady has just sent to offer to take me to -—— —. I have then only a moment to exclaim -against the vague manner in which people give information</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>But why talk of inconveniences, which are in fact -trifling, when compared with the sinking of the -heart I have felt! I did not intend to touch this -painful string—God bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly,</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_197'>197</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLIV.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Friday June 12.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just received yours, dated the 9th, -which I suppose was a mistake, for it could -scarcely have loitered so long on the road. The -general observations which apply to the state of -your own mind, appear to me just, as far as they -go; and I shall always consider it as one of the -most serious misfortunes of my life, that I did not -meet you, before satiety had rendered your senses -so fastidious, as almost to close up every tender -avenue of sentiment and affection that leads to -your sympathetic heart. You have a heart, my -friend, yet, hurried away by the impetuosity of -inferior feelings, you have sought in vulgar excesses, -for that gratification which only the heart -can bestow.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The common run of men, I know, with strong -health and gross appetites, must have variety to -banish <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">ennui</span></i>, because the imagination never leads -its magic wand, to convert people into love, cemented -<span class='pageno' id='Page_198'>198</span>by according reason.—Ah! my friend, -you know not the ineffable delight, the exquisite -pleasure, which arises from a unison of affection -and desire, when the whole soul and senses are -abandoned to a lively imagination, that renders -every emotion delicate and rapturous. Yes; these -are emotions over which satiety has no power, -and the recollection of which, even disappointment -cannot disenchant; but they do not exist -without self-denial. These emotions, more or less -strong, appear to me to be the distinctive characteristic -of genius, the foundation of taste, and of -that exquisite relish of the beauties of nature, of -which the common herd of eaters and drinkers -and <em>child-begetters</em>, certainly have no idea. You -will smile at an observation that has just occurred -to me: I consider those minds as the most strong -and original, whose imagination acts as the stimulus -to their senses.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Well! you will ask, what is the result of all -this reasoning? Why I cannot help thinking that -it is possible for you, having great strength of -mind, to return to nature, and regain a sanity of -constitution, and purity of feeling—which would -open your heart to me.——I would fain rest -there!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yet, convinced more than ever of the sincerity -and tenderness of my attachment to you, the involuntary -<span class='pageno' id='Page_199'>199</span>hopes, which a determination to live -has revived, are not sufficiently strong to dissipate -the cloud, that despair has spread over futurity. -I have looked at the sea, and at my child, hardly -daring to own to myself the secret wish, that it -might become our tomb; and that the heart, still -so alive to anguish, might there be quieted by -death. At this moment ten thousand complicated -sentiments press for utterance, weigh on my heart, -and obscure my sight.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Are we ever to meet again? and will you endeavour -to render that meeting happier than the -last? Will you endeavour to restrain your caprices, -in order to give vigour to affection, and to give -play to the checked sentiments that nature intended -should expand your heart? I cannot indeed, -without agony, think of your bosom’s being continually -contaminated; and bitter are the tears -which exhaust my eyes, when I recollect why my -child and I are forced to stay from the asylum, in -which, after so many storms, I had hoped to rest, -smiling at angry fate.—These are not common -sorrows; nor can you perhaps conceive, how -much active fortitude it requires to labour perpetually -to blunt the shafts of disappointment.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Examine now yourself, and ascertain whether -you can live in something like a settled stile. Let -our confidence in future be unbounded; consider -<span class='pageno' id='Page_200'>200</span>whether you find it necessary to sacrifice me to -what you term “the zest of life;” and, when -you have once a clear view of your own motives, -of your own incentive to action, do not deceive -me!</p> - -<p class='c007'>The train of thoughts which the writing of this -epistle awoke, makes me so wretched, that I -must take a walk to rouse and calm my mind. But -first, let me tell you, that, if you really wish to -promote my happiness, you will endeavour to give -me as much as you can of yourself. You have -great mental energy; and your judgment seems -to me so just, that it is only the dupe of your inclination -in discussing one subject.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The post does not go out to-day. To-morrow -I may write more tranquilly. I cannot say when -the vessel will sail in which I have determined to -depart.</p> - -<hr class='c008' /> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Saturday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Your second letter reached me about an hour -ago. You were certainly wrong in supposing -that I did not mention you with respect; though, -without my being conscious of it, some sparks of -resentment may have animated the gloom of despair—Yes; -with less affection, I should have -<span class='pageno' id='Page_201'>201</span>been more respectful. However the regard which -I have for you, is so unequivocal to myself, I -imagine that it must be sufficiently obvious to -every body else. Besides, the only letter I intended -for the public eye was to ——, and that I destroyed -from delicacy before you saw them, because -it was only written (of course warmly in -your praise) to prevent any odium being thrown -on you<a id='r11'></a><a href='#f11' class='c011'><sup>[11]</sup></a>.</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f11'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r11'>11</a>. This passage refers to letters written under a purpose of -suicide, and not intended to be opened till after the catastrophe.</p> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am harrassed by your embarrassments, and -shall certainly use all my efforts to make the business -terminate to your satisfaction in which I -am engaged.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My friend—my dearest friend—I feel my fate -united to yours by the most sacred principles of my -soul, and the yearns of—yes, I will say it—a -true, unsophisticated heart.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>If the wind be fair, the captain talks of sailing -on Monday; but I am afraid I shall be detained -some days longer. At any rate, continue to write, -(I want this support) till you are sure I am where -I cannot expect a letter; and, if any should arrive -<span class='pageno' id='Page_202'>202</span>after my departure, a gentleman (not Mr. ——’s -friend, I promise you) from whom I have received -great civilities, will send them after me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Do write by every occasion! I am anxious to -hear how your affairs go on; and, still more, to be -convinced that you are not separating yourself -from us. For my little darling is calling papa, -and adding her parrot word—Come, Come! And -will you not come, and let us exert ourselves?—I -shall recover all my energy, when I am convinced -that my exertions will draw us more closely together. -Once more adieu!</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday, June, 14.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I rather expected to hear from you to-day—I -wish you would not fail to write to me for a -little time, because I am not quite well—Whether -I have any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning -in violent fits of trembling—and, in spite of -all my efforts, the child—every thing—fatigues -me, in which I seek for solace or amusement.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_203'>203</span>Mr. —— forced on me a letter to a physician -of this place; it was fortunate, for I should -otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the -necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman -(I can admire, you know, a pretty woman, -when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather -interesting man.—They have behaved to me -with great hospitality; and poor —— was never -so happy in her life, as amongst their young -brood.</p> - -<p class='c007'>They took me in their carriage to —— -and I ran over my favourite walks, with a vivacity -that would have astonished you.—The town -did not please me quite so well as formerly—It -appeared so diminutive; and, when I found that -many of the inhabitants had lived in the same -houses ever since I left it, I could not help wondering -how they could thus have vegetated, whilst I -was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at -pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place -where I at present am, is much improved; but it -is astonishing what strides aristocracy and fanaticism -have made, since I resided in this country.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The wind does not appear inclined to change, -so I am still forced to linger—When do you think -that you shall be able to set out for France? I do -not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and -still less your connections on the other side of the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_204'>204</span>water. Often do I sigh, when I think of your -entanglements in business, and your extreme restlessness.—Even -now I am almost afraid to ask -you whether the pleasure of being free does not -over-balance the pain you felt at parting with me? -Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel -me necessary to you—or why should we meet -again?—but, the moment after, despair damps -my rising spirits, aggravated by the emotions of -tenderness, which ought to soften the cares of -life.——God bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely and affectionately</div> - <div class='line in28'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLVI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>June 15.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I want to know how you have settled with -respect to ——. In short, be very particular -in your account of all your affairs—let our -confidence, my dear, be unbounded.—The last -time we were separated, was a separation indeed -on your part—Now you have acted more ingenuously, -let the most affectionate interchange of -sentiments fill up the aching void of disappointment. -I almost dread that your plans will prove -<span class='pageno' id='Page_205'>205</span>abortive—yet should the most unlucky turn send -you home to us, convinced that a true friend is a -treasure, I should not much mind having to struggle -with the world again. Accuse me not of -pride—yet sometimes, when nature has opened -my heart to its author, I have wondered that you -did not set a higher value on my heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Receive a kiss from ——, I was going to -add, if you will not take one from me, and believe -me yours</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sincerely,</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The wind still continues in the same quarter.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLVII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Tuesday morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The captain has just sent to inform me, that I -must be on board in the course of a few hours.—I -wished to have stayed till to-morrow. It would -have been a comfort to me to have received another -letter from you—Should one arrive, it will -be sent after me.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_206'>206</span>My spirits are agitated, I scarcely know why -the quitting England seems to be a fresh parting. -Surely you will not forget me. A thousand weak -forebodings assault my soul, and the state of my -health renders me sensible to every thing. It is -surprising, that in London, in a continual conflict -of mind, I was still growing better—whilst here, -bowed down by the despotic hand of fate, forced -into resignation by despair, I seem to be fading -away—perishing beneath a cruel blight, that -withers up all my faculties.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The child is perfectly well. My hand seems -unwilling to add adieu! I know not why this -inexpressible sadness has taken possession of me. -It is not a presentiment of ill. Yet having been -so perpetually the sport of disappointment, having -a heart that has been as it were a mark for -misery, I dread to meet wretchedness in some -new shape. Well, let it come—I care not!—what -have I to dread, who have so little to hope -for! God bless you—I am most affectionately -and sincerely yours.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_207'>207</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLVIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I was hurried on board yesterday about three -o’clock, the wind having changed. But before -evening it steered round to the old point; and -here we are, in the midst of mists and waters, -only taking advantage of the tide to advance a -few miles.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You will scarcely suppose that I left the town -with reluctance—yet it was even so—for I -wished to receive another letter from you, and I -felt pain at parting, for ever perhaps, from the -amiable family, who had treated me with so -much hospitality and kindness. They will probably -send me your letter, if it arrives this -morning; for here we are likely to remain, I -am afraid to think how long.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The vessel is very commodious, and the captain -a civil, open-hearted kind of man. There -being no other passengers, I have the cabin to -myself, which is pleasant; and I have brought a -few books with me to beguile weariness; but I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_208'>208</span>seem inclined rather to employ the dead moments -of suspence in writing some effusions, than -in reading.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What are you about? How are your affairs -going on? It may be a long time before you -answer these questions. My dear friend, my -heart sinks within me!—Why am I forced thus to -struggle continually with my affections and feelings? -Ah! why are those affections and feelings -the source of so much misery, when they seem -to have been given to vivify my heart, and -extend my usefulness! But I must not dwell on -this subject. Will you not endeavour to cherish -all the affection you can for me? What am I -saying?—Rather forget me if you can—if other -gratifications are dearer to you. How is every -remembrance of mine embittered by disappointment? -What a world is this! They only seem -happy, who never look beyond sensual or artificial -enjoyments. Adieu.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— begins to play with the cabin boy, -and is as gay as a lark. I will labour to be tranquil; -and am in every mood,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your’s sincerely</div> - <div class='line in20'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_209'>209</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER XLIX.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Thursday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Here I am still—and I have just received -your letter of Monday by the pilot who promised -to bring it to me, if we were detained, as -expected, by the wind. It is indeed wearisome -to be thus tossed about without going forward. -I have a violent head-ache, yet I am obliged to -take care of the child, who is a little tormented -by her teeth, because —— is unable to do -any thing, she is rendered so sick by the motion -of the ship, as we ride at anchor.</p> - -<p class='c007'>These are however trifling inconveniences, compared -with anguish of mind—compared with the -sinking of a broken heart. To tell you the truth -I never in my life suffered so much from depression -of spirits—from despair. I do not sleep—or, -if I close my eyes, it is to have the most terrifying -dreams, in which I often meet you with -different casts of countenance.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will not, my dear ——, torment you by -dwelling on my sufferings—and will use all my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_210'>210</span>efforts to calm my mind, instead of deadening it—at -present it is most painfully active. I find I -am not equal to these continual struggles—yet -your letter this morning has afforded me some -comfort, and I will try to revive hope. One -thing let me tell you, when we meet again—surely -we are to meet!—it must be to part no -more. I mean not to have seas between us, it -is more than I can support.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The pilot is hurrying me; God bless you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In spite of the commodiousness of the vessel, -every thing here would disgust my senses, had I -nothing else to think of—“When the mind’s -free, the body’s delicate;”—mine has been too -much hurt to regard trifles.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Your’s most truly</div> - <div class='line in16'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER L.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Saturday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>This is the fifth dreary day I have been imprisoned -by the wind, with every outward object -<span class='pageno' id='Page_211'>211</span>to disgust the senses, and unable to banish the remembrances -that sadden my heart.</p> - -<p class='c007'>How am I altered by disappointment!—When -going to ——, ten years ago, the elasticity of my -mind was sufficient to ward off weariness, and -the imagination still could dip her brush in the -rainbow of fancy, and sketch futurity in smiling -colours. Now I am going towards the North in -search of sunbeams! Will any ever warm this -desolated heart? All nature seems to frown, or -rather mourn with me. Every thing is cold—cold -as my expectations! Before I left the shore, -tormented, as I now am, by these North-east -<em>chillers</em>, I could not help exclaiming—Give me, -gracious Heaven! at least, genial weather, if I -am never to meet the genial affection that still -warms this agitated bosom—compelling life to -linger there.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am now going on shore with the captain, -though the weather be rough, to seek for milk, -&c. at a little village, and to take a walk, after -which I hope to sleep—for, confined here, surrounded -by disagreeable smells, I have lost the -little appetite I had; and I lie awake, till thinking -almost drives me to the brink of madness—only -to the brink, for I never forget, even in the feverish -slumbers I sometimes fall into, the misery -I am labouring to blunt the sense of, by every -exertion in my power.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_212'>212</span>Poor —— still continues sick, and —— -grows weary when the weather will not allow her -to remain on deck.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I hope this will be the last letter I shall write -from England to you—are you not tired of this -lingering adieu?</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The captain last night, after I had written my -letter to you intended to be left at a little village, -offered to go to —— to pass to-day. We had -a troublesome sail, and now I must hurry on board -again, for the wind has changed.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I half expected to find a letter from you here. -Had you written one hap-hazard it would have -been kind and considerate—you might have -known, had you thought, that the wind would -not permit me to depart. These are attentions -more grateful to the heart than offers of service—But -<span class='pageno' id='Page_213'>213</span>why do I foolishly continue to look for -them?</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu! adieu! My friend—your friendship -is very cold—you see I am hurt. God bless -you! I may perhaps be some time or other, -independent in every sense of the word—Ah! -there is but one sense of it of consequence. I -will break or bend this weak heart—yet even -now it is full.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely</div> - <div class='line in16'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The child is well; I did not leave her on -board.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>June 27, Saturday.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I arrived in ——. I have now but a -moment, before the post goes out, to inform you -we have got here; though not without considerable -difficulty, for we were set ashore in a boat -above twenty miles below.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_214'>214</span>What I suffered in the vessel I will not now -descant upon, nor mention the pleasure I received -from the sight of the rocky coast. This -morning however, walking to join the carriage -that was to transport us to this place, I fell, -without any previous warning, senseless on the -rocks—and how I escaped with life I can scarcely -guess. I was in a stupor for a quarter of an -hour; the suffusion of blood at last restored me to -my senses; the contusion is great, and my brain -confused. The child is well.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Twenty miles ride in the rain, after my accident, -has sufficiently deranged me, and here I -could not get a fire to warm me, or any thing -warm to eat; the inns are mere stables, I must -nevertheless go to bed. For God’s sake, let me -hear from you immediately my friend! I am not -well, and yet you see I cannot die.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely</div> - <div class='line in16'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_215'>215</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>June 29.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I wrote to you by the last post, to inform you -of my arrival; and I alluded to the extreme -fatigue I endured on ship-board, owing to ——’s -illness, and the roughness of the weather—I likewise -mentioned to you my fall, the effects of -which I still feel, though I do not think it will -have any serious consequences.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— —— will go with me, if I find it necessary -to go to ——. The inns are here so -bad, I was forced to accept of an apartment in his -house. I am overwhelmed with civilities on all -sides, and fatigued with the endeavours to amuse -me, from which I cannot escape.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My friend—my friend, I am not well—a -deadly weight of sorrow lies heavily on my heart. -I am again tossed on the troubled billows of life; -and obliged to cope with difficulties, without being -buoyed up by the hopes that render them bearable. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_216'>216</span>“How flat, dull, and unprofitable,” appears -to me all the bustle into which I see people -here so eagerly enter! I long every night to -go to bed, to hide my melancholy face in my pillow; -but there is a canker-worm in my bosom -that never sleeps.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LIV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 1.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I labour in vain to calm my mind—my soul -has been overwhelmed by sorrow and disappointment. -Every thing fatigues me—this is a life -that cannot last long. It is you who must determine -with respect to futurity—and, when you -have, I will act accordingly—I mean, we must -either resolve to live together, or part for ever, -I cannot bear these continual struggles—But I -wish you to examine carefully your own heart -and mind; and if you perceive the least chance of -being happier without me than with me, or if -your inclination leans capriciously to that side, do -not dissemble; but tell me frankly that you will -never see me more. I will then adopt the plan I -mentioned to you—for we must either live together, -or I will be entirely independent.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_217'>217</span>My heart is so oppressed, I cannot write with -precision——You know however that what I -so imperfectly express, are not the crude sentiments -of the moment—You can only contribute -to my comfort (it is the consolation I am in need -of) by being with me—and, if the tenderest -friendship is of any value, why will you not look -to me for a degree of satisfaction that heartless -affections cannot bestow?</p> - -<p class='c007'>Tell me then, will you determine to meet me -at Basle?—I shall, I should imagine, be at —— -before the close of August; and, after you settle -your affairs at Paris, could we not meet there?</p> - -<div class='lg-container-b'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>God bless you!</div> - <div class='line in12'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in24'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Poor —— —— has suffered during the journey -with her teeth.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_218'>218</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LV.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 3.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>There was a gloominess diffused through -your last letter, the impression of which still rests -on my mind—though, recollecting how quickly -you throw off the forcible feelings of the moment, -I flatter myself it has long since given place to -your usual cheerfulness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Believe me (and my eyes fill with tears of tenderness -as I assure you) there is nothing I would -not endure in the way of privation, rather than -disturb your tranquillity.—If I am fated to be unhappy, -I will labour to hide my sorrows in my -bosom; and you shall always find me a faithful, -affectionate friend.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I grow more and more attached to my little -girl—and I cherish this affection without fear, because -it must be a long time before it can become -bitterness of soul.—She is an interesting creature. -On ship-board, how often as I gazed at the sea, -have I longed to bury my troubled bosom in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span>less troubled deep; asserting with Brutus, “that -the virtue I had followed too far, was merely an -empty name!” and nothing but the sight of her—her -playful smiles, which seemed to cling and -twine round my heart—could have stopped me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>What peculiar misery has fallen to my share! -To act up to my principles, I have laid the strictest -restraint on my very thoughts—yes; not to -sully the delicacy of my feelings, I have reined in -my imagination; and started with affright from -every sensation, (I allude to ——) that stealing -with balmy sweetness into my soul, led me to -scent from afar the fragrance of reviving nature.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My friend, I have dearly paid for one conviction.—Love -in some minds, is an affair of sentiment, -arising from the same delicacy of perception -(or taste) as renders them alive to the beauties -of nature, poetry, &c. alive to the charms of -those evanescent graces that are, as it were, impalpable—they -must be felt, they cannot be described.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Love is a want of my heart. I have examined -myself lately with more care than formerly, -and find, that to deaden is not to calm the mind—Aiming -at tranquillity, I have almost destroyed -all the energy of my soul—almost rooted out -<span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span>what renders it estimable—Yes, I have damped -the enthusiasm of character, which converts the -grossest materials into a fuel that imperceptibly -feeds hopes, which aspire above common enjoyment. -Despair, since the birth of my child, has -rendered me stupid—soul and body seemed to be -fading away before the withering touch of disappointment.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am now endeavouring to recover myself—and -such is the elasticity of my constitution, and -the purity of the atmosphere here, that health -unsought for, begins to reanimate my countenance.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have the sincerest esteem and affection for you—but -the desire of regaining peace, (do you understand -me?) has made me forget the respect -due to my own emotions—sacred emotions, that -are the sure harbingers of the delights I was formed -to enjoy—and shall enjoy, for nothing can extinguish -the heavenly spark.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Still, when we meet again, I will not torment -you, I promise you. I blush when I recollect my -former conduct—and will not in future confound -myself with the beings whom I feel to be my -inferiors. I will listen to delicacy, or pride.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LVI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 4.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I hope to hear from you by to-morrow’s -mail. My dearest friend! I cannot tear my affections -from you—and, though every remembrance -stings me to the soul, I think of you, till -I make allowance for the very defects of character, -that have given such a cruel stab to my -peace.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Still however I am more alive than you have -seen me for a long, long time. I have a degree -of vivacity, even in my grief, which is preferable -to the benumbing stupour that, for the -last year, has frozen up all my faculties.—Perhaps -this change is more owing to returning -health, than to the vigour of my reason—for, in -spite of sadness (and surely I have had my share,) -the purity of this air, and the being continually -out in it, for I sleep in the country every night, -has made an alteration in my appearance that -really surprises me.—The rosy fingers of health -<span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span>already streak my cheeks—and I have seen a -<em>physical</em> life in my eyes, after I have been climbing -the rocks, that resembled the fond, credulous -hopes of youth.</p> - -<p class='c007'>With what a cruel sigh have I recollected that -I had forgotten to hope! Reason, or rather experience, -does not thus cruelly damp poor ——’s -pleasures; she plays all day in the garden with -——’s children, and makes friends for herself.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Do not tell me, that you are happier without -us—Will you not come to us in Switzerland? Ah! -why do not you love us with much more sentiment?—why -are you a creature of such sympathy -that the warmth of your feelings, or rather quickness -of your senses, hardens your heart? It is my -misfortune, that my imagination is perpetually -shading your defects, and lending you charms, -whilst the grossness of your senses makes you (call -me not vain) overlook graces in me, that only -dignity of mind, and the sensibility of an expanded -heart can give.—God bless you! Adieu.</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LVII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 7.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I could not help feeling extremely mortified -last post, at not receiving a letter from you. My -being at —— was but a chance, and you -might have hazarded it; and would a year ago.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall not however complain—There are misfortunes -so great, as to silence the usual expressions -of sorrow——Believe me, there is such a thing as -a broken heart! There are characters whose very -energy prays upon them; and who, ever inclined -to cherish by reflection some passion, cannot rest -satisfied with the common comforts of life. I -have endeavoured to fly from myself, and launched -into all the dissipation possible here, only to feel -keener anguish, when alone with my child.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Still, could any thing please me—had not disappointment -cut me off from life, this romantic -country, these fine evenings, would interest me.—My -<span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span>God! can any thing? and am I ever to feel -alive to painful sensations?—But it cannot—it -shall not last long.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The post is again arrived; I have sent to seek -for letters, only to be wounded to the soul by a -negative. My brain seems on fire. I must go -into the air.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LVIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 14.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am now on my journey to ——. I felt -more at leaving my child, than I thought I -should—and, whilst at night I imagined every -instant that I heard the half-formed sounds of her -voice—I asked myself how I could think of parting -with her for ever, of leaving her thus helpless?</p> - -<p class='c007'>Poor lamb! It may run very well in a tale, -that “God will temper the winds to the shorn -<span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span>lamb;” but how can I expect that she will be -shielded, when my naked bosom has had to -brave continually the pitiless storm? Yes; I could -add, with poor Lear—What is the war of elements -to the pangs of disappointed affection, and -the horror arising from a discovery of a breach of -confidence, that snaps every social tie!</p> - -<p class='c007'>All is not right somewhere. When you first -knew me, I was not thus lost. I could still confide, -for I opened my heart to you—of this only -comfort you have deprived me, whilst my happiness, -you tell me, was your first object. Strange -want of judgment!</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will not complain; but, from the soundness -of your understanding, I am convinced, if you -give yourself leave to reflect, you will also feel, -that your conduct to me, so far from being generous, -has not been just. I mean not to allude to -factitious principles of morality; but to the simple -basis of all rectitude. However I did not intend -to argue—Your not writing is cruel, and my -reason is perhaps disturbed by constant wretchedness.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Poor —— would fain have accompanied -me, out of tenderness; for my fainting, or rather -convulsion, when I landed, and my sudden -changes of countenance since, have alarmed her -<span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span>so much, that she is perpetually afraid of some -accident—But it would have injured the child -this warm season, as she is cutting her teeth.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I hear not of your having written to me -at ——. Very well! Act as you please, there -is nothing I fear or care for! When I see whether -I can, or cannot obtain the money I am come -here about, I will not trouble you with letters to -which you do not reply.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LIX.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 18.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am here in ——, separated from my -child, and here I must remain a month at least, or -I might as well never have come.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have begun —— which will, I hope, -discharge all my obligations of a pecuniary kind. -I am lowered in my own eyes, on account of my -not having done it sooner.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>I shall make no further comments on your silence. -God bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LX.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>July 30.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just received two of your letters, dated -the 26th and 30th of June; and you must have -received several from me, informing you of my -detention, and how much I was hurt by your silence.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Write to me then, my friend, and write explicitly. -I have suffered, God knows, since I left -you. Ah! you have never felt this kind of sickness -of heart! My mind however is at present -painfully active, and the sympathy I feel almost -rises to agony. But this is not a subject of complaint, -it has afforded me pleasure, and reflected -<span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span>pleasure is all I have to hope for—if a spark of -hope be yet alive in my forlorn bosom.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I will try to write with a degree of composure. -I wish for us to live together, because I want you -to acquire an habitual tenderness for my poor girl. -I cannot bear to think of leaving her alone in the -world, or that she should only be protected by -your sense of duty. Next to preserving her, -my most earnest wish is not to disturb your peace. -I have nothing to expect, and little to fear, in life. -There are wounds that can never be healed, but -they may be allowed to fester in silence without -wincing.</p> - -<p class='c007'>When we meet again, you shall be convinced -that I have more resolution than you give me credit -for. I will not torment you. If I am destined -always to be disappointed and unhappy, I will conceal -the anguish I cannot dissipate; and the tightened -cord of life or reason will at last snap, and -set me free.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Yes; I shall be happy—This heart is worthy -of the bliss its feelings anticipate—and I cannot -even persuade myself, wretched as they have -made me, that my principles and sentiments are -not founded in nature and truth. But to have -done with these subjects.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>I have been seriously employed in this way since -I came to ——; yet I never was so much in the -air. I walk, I ride on horseback—row, bathe, -and even sleep in the fields; my health is consequently -improved. The child, —— informs -me, is well. I long to be with her.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Write to me immediately—were I only to think -of myself, I could wish you to return to me, poor, -with the simplicity of character, part of which -you seem lately to have lost, that first attached to -you</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours most affectionately</div> - <div class='line in8'>* * * * * * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been subscribing other letters—so I -mechanically did the same to yours.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Aug. 5.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Employment and exercise have been of -great service to me; and I have entirely recovered -<span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span>the strength and activity I lost during the -time of my nursing. I have seldom been in better -health; and my mind, though trembling to -the touch of anguish, is calmer—yet still the same. -I have, it is true, enjoyed some tranquillity, and -more happiness here, than for a long—long time -past. (I say happiness, for I can give no other appellation -to the exquisite delight this wild country -and fine summer have afforded me.) Still, on examining -my heart, I find that it is so constituted, -I cannot live without some particular affection.—I -am afraid not without a passion, and I feel the -want of it more in society, than in solitude——</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Writing to you, whenever an affectionate epithet -occurs, my eyes fill with tears, and my -trembling hand stops—you may then depend on -my resolution, when with you. If I am doomed -to be unhappy, I will confine my anguish in my -own bosom—tenderness, rather than passion, has -made me sometimes overlook delicacy, the same -tenderness will in future restrain me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you!</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Aug. 7.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Air, exercise, and bathing, have restored me -to health, braced my muscles, and covered my -ribs, even whilst I have recovered my former activity.—I -cannot tell you that my mind is calm, -though I have snatched some moments of exquisite -delight, wandering through the woods, and -resting on the rocks.</p> - -<p class='c007'>This state of suspense, my friend, is intolerable; -we must determine on something—and -soon; we must meet shortly, or part for ever. I -am sensible that I acted foolishly—but I was -wretched, when we were together—Expecting -too much, I let the pleasure I might have caught, -slip from me. I cannot live with you, I ought -not, if you form another attachment. But I promise -you, mine shall not be intruded on you. Little -reason have I to expect a shadow of happiness, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>after the cruel disappointments that have rent my -heart; but that of my child seems to depend on -our being together. Still I do not wish you to -sacrifice a chance of enjoyment for an uncertain -good. I feel a conviction, that I can provide -for her, and it shall be my object—if we are indeed -to part to meet no more. Her affection -must not be divided. She must be a comfort to -me, if I am to have no other, and only know me -as her support. I feel that I cannot endure the -anguish of corresponding with you, if we are only -to correspond. No; if you seek for happiness -elsewhere, my letters shall not interrupt your repose. -I will be dead to you. I cannot express -to you what pain it gives me to write about an -eternal separation. You must determine, examine -yourself—But, for God’s sake! spare me -the anxiety of uncertainty! I may sink under the -trial; but I will not complain.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Adieu! If I had anything more to say to you, -it is all flown, and absorbed by the most tormenting -apprehensions; yet I scarcely know what new -form of misery I have to dread.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I ought to beg your pardon for having sometimes -written peevishly; but you will impute it to -affection, if you understand any thing of the -heart of</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours truly</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXIII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Aug. 9.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Five of your letters have been sent after me -from ——. One, dated the 14th of July, was -written in a style which I may have merited, but -did not expect from you. However this is not a -time to reply to it, except to assure you that you -shall not be tormented with any more complaints. -I am disgusted with myself for having so long importuned -you with my affection.——</p> - -<p class='c007'>My child is very well. We shall soon meet, -to part no more, I hope—I mean, I and my girl. -I shall wait with some degree of anxiety till I am -informed how your affairs terminate.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXIV.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Aug. 26.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I arrived here last night, and with the most -exquisite delight, once more pressed my babe to -my heart. We shall part no more. You perhaps -cannot conceive the pleasure it gave me, to -see her run about, and play alone. Her increasing -intelligence attaches me more and more to -her. I have promised her that I will fulfil my -duty to her; and nothing in future shall make me -forget it. I will also exert myself to obtain an -independence for her; but I will not be too anxious -on this head.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I have already told you, that I have recovered -my health. Vigour, and even vivacity of mind, -have returned with a renovated constitution. As -for peace, we will not talk of it. I was not made, -perhaps, to enjoy the calm contentment so -termed.——</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span>You tell me that my letters torture you; I -will not describe the effect yours have on me. I -received three this morning, the last dated the 7th -of this month. I mean not to give vent to the -emotions they produced. Certainly you are right; -our minds are not congenial. I have lived in an -ideal world, and fostered sentiments that you do -not comprehend—or you would not treat me thus. -I am not, I will not be, merely an object of compassion, -a clog, however light, to teize you. Forget -that I exist: I will never remind you. Something -emphatical whispers me to put an end to these -struggles. Be free, I will not torment, when I -cannot please. I can take care of my child; you -need not continually tell me that our fortune is inseparable, -<em>that you will try to cherish tenderness -for me.</em> Do no violence to yourself! When we -are separated, our interest, since you give so much -weight to pecuniary considerations, will be entirely -divided. I want not protection without affection; -and support I need not, whilst my faculties -are undisturbed. I had a dislike to living in England; -but painful feelings must give way to superior -considerations. I may not be able to acquire -the sum necessary to maintain my child and -self elsewhere. It is too late to go to Switzerland. -I shall not remain at ——, living expensively. -But be not alarmed! I shall not force -myself on you any more.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>Adieu! I am agitated, my whole frame is convulsed, -my lips tremble, as if shook by cold, -though fire seems to be circulating in my veins.</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>September 6.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I received just now your letter of the 20th. -I had written you a letter last night, into which -imperceptibly slipt some of my bitterness of soul. -I will copy the part relative to business. I am -not sufficiently vain to imagine that I can, for -more than a moment, cloud your enjoyment of -life—to prevent even that, you had better never -hear from me—and repose on the idea that I am -happy.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Gracious God! It is impossible for me to -stifle something like resentment, when I receive -fresh proofs of your indifference. What I have -suffered this last year, is not to be forgotten! I -have not that happy substitute for wisdom, insensibility—and -the lively sympathies which bind -<span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span>me to my fellow-creatures, are all of a painful -kind.—They are the agonies of a broken heart—pleasure -and I have shaken hands.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I see here nothing but heaps of ruins, and only -converse with people immersed in trade and sensuality.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am weary of travelling—yet seem to have -no home—no resting place to look to.—I am -strangely cast off.—How often, passing through -the rocks, I have thought, “But for this child -I would lay my head on one of them, and never -open my eyes again!” With a heart feelingly -alive to all the affections of my nature—I have -never met with one, softer than the stone that I -would fain take for my last pillow. I once thought -I had, but it was all a delusion. I meet with families -continually, who are bound together by affection -or principle—and, when I am conscious -that I have fulfilled the duties of my station, almost -to a forgetfulness of myself, I am ready to -demand, in a murmuring tone, of Heaven, -“Why am I thus abandoned?”</p> - -<p class='c007'>You say now</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I do not understand you. It is necessary for you -to write more explicitly——and determine on -some mode of conduct.—I cannot endure this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span>suspence—Decide—Do you fear to strike another -blow? We live together, or eternally part!—I -shall not write to you again, till I receive an -answer to this. I must compose my tortured -soul, before I write on indifferent subjects.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I do not know whether I write intelligibly, for -my head is disturbed.—But this you ought to pardon—for -it is with difficulty frequently that I -make out what you mean to say—You write I -suppose, at Mr. ——’s after dinner, when your -head is not the clearest—and as for your heart, if -you have one, I see nothing like the dictates of -affection, unless a glimpse when you mention the -child.——Adieu!</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXVI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>September 25.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have just finished a letter, to be given in -charge to captain ——. In that I complained of -your silence, and expressed my surprise that three -mails should have arrived without bringing a line -for me. Since I closed it, I hear of another, and -still no letter.—I am labouring to write calmly—this -<span class='pageno' id='Page_239'>239</span>silence is a refinement on cruelty. Had captain -—— remained a few days longer, I would -have returned with him to England. What have -I to do here? I have repeatedly written to you -fully. Do you do the same—and quickly. Do -not leave me in suspense. I have not deserved -this of you. I cannot write my mind is so distressed. -Adieu!</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXVII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>September 27.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>When you receive this, I shall either have -landed, or be hovering on the British coast—your -letter of the 18th decided me.</p> - -<p class='c007'>By what criterion of principle or affection, you -term my questions extraordinary and unnecessary, -I cannot determine.—You desire me to decide—I -had decided. You must have had long ago two -letters of mine, from ——, to the same purport, -to consider.—In these, God knows! there -was but too much affection, and the agonies of a -distracted mind were but too faithfully pourtrayed!—What -more then had I to say?—The negative -was to come from you.—You had perpetually -recurred to your promise of meeting me in the -<span class='pageno' id='Page_240'>240</span>autumn—Was it extraordinary that I should demand -a yes, or no?—Your letter is written with -extreme harshness, coldness I am accustomed to; -in it I find not a trace of the tenderness of humanity, -much less of friendship.—I only see a desire -to heave a load off your shoulders.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am above disputing about words.—It matters -not in what terms you decide.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The tremendous power who formed this heart, -must have foreseen that, in a world in which self-interest, -in various shapes, is the principal mobile, -I had little chance of escaping misery.—To the -fiat of fate I submit.—I am content to be wretched; -but I will not be contemptible.—Of me you have -no cause to complain, but for having had too -much regard for you—for having expected a degree -of permanent happiness, when you only -sought for a momentary gratification.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am strangely deficient in sagacity.—Uniting -myself to you, your tenderness seemed to make -me amends for all my former misfortunes.—On -this tenderness and affection with what confidence -did I rest!—but I leaned on a spear, that has -pierced me to the heart.—You have thrown off a -faithful friend, to pursue the caprices of the moment.—We -certainly are differently organized; -for even now, when conviction has been stamped -<span class='pageno' id='Page_241'>241</span>on my soul by sorrow, I can scarcely believe it -possible. It depends at present on you, whether -you will see me or not.—I shall take no step, till -I see or hear from you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Preparing myself for the worst—I have determined, -if your next letter be like the last, to -write to Mr. —— to procure me an obscure -lodging, and not to inform any body of my arrival.—There -I will endeavour in a few months to -obtain the sum necessary to take me to France—from -you I will not receive any more.—I am not -yet sufficiently humbled to depend on your beneficence.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Some people, whom my unhappiness has -interested, though they know not the extent of it, -will assist me to attain the object I have in view, -the independence of my child. Should a peace -take place, ready money will go a great way in -France—and I will borrow a sum, which my -industry <em>shall</em> enable me to pay at my leisure, to -purchase a small estate for my girl.—The assistance -I shall find necessary to complete her education, -I can get at an easy rate at Paris—I can introduce -her to such society as she will like—and -thus securing for her all the chance for happiness, -which depends on me, I shall die in peace, persuaded -that the felicity which has hitherto cheated -my expectation, will not always elude my grasp. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_242'>242</span>No poor tempest-tossed mariner ever more earnestly -longed to arrive at his port.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I shall not come up in the vessel all the way, -because I have no place to go to. Captain —— -will inform you where I am. It is needless to add, -that I am not in a state of mind to bear suspense—and -that I wish to see you, though it be the last -time.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXVIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday, October 4</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I wrote to you by the packet, to inform -you, that your letter of the 18th of last month, -had determined me to set out with captain ——; -but, as we sailed very quick, I take it for granted, -that you have not yet received it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You say, I must decide for myself. I had decided, -that it was most for the interest of my little -girl, and for my own comfort, little as I expect, -for us to live together; and I even thought -that you would be glad, some years hence, when -the tumult of business was over, to repose in the -society of an affectionate friend, and mark the -progress of our interesting child, whilst endeavouring -to be of use in the circle you at last resolved -<span class='pageno' id='Page_243'>243</span>to rest in; for you cannot run about for -ever.</p> - -<p class='c007'>From the tenour of your last letter however, I -am led to imagine, that you have formed some -new attachment. If it be so, let me earnestly request -you to see me once more, and immediately. -This is the only proof I require of the friendship -you profess for me. I will then decide, since you -boggle about a mere form.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am labouring to write with calmness, but the -extreme anguish I feel, at landing without having -any friend to receive me, and even to be conscious -that the friend whom I most wish to see, -will feel a disagreeable sensation at being informed -of my arrival, does not come under the description -of common misery. Every emotion yields -to an overwhelming flood of sorrow—and the -playfulness of my child distresses me. On her account, -I wished to remain a few days here, comfortless -as is my situation. Besides, I did not wish -to surprise you. You have told me, that you -would make any sacrifice to promote my happiness—and, -even in your last unkind letter, you talk of -the ties which bind you to me and my child.—Tell -me, that you wish it, and I will cut this Gordian -knot.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I now most earnestly intreat you to write to me, -without fail, by the return of the post. Direct -<span class='pageno' id='Page_244'>244</span>your letter to be left at the post-office, and tell me -whether you will come to me here, or where you -will meet me. I can receive your letter on Wednesday -morning.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Do not keep me in suspence.—I expect nothing -from you, or any human being: my die is cast!—I -have fortitude enough to determine to do my -duty; yet I cannot raise my depressed spirits, or -calm my trembling heart.—That Being who -moulded it thus, knows that I am unable to tear -up by the roots the propensity to affection which -has been the torment of my life—but life will have -an end!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Should you come here (a few months ago I -could not have doubted it) you will find me at —— -If you prefer meeting me on the road, tell me -where.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours affectionately</div> - <div class='line in12'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXIX.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>I write you now on my knees; imploring -you to send my child and the maid with ——, to -Paris, to be consigned to the care of Madame ——, -rue ——, section de ——. Should they be removed, -—— can give their direction.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_245'>245</span>Let the maid have all my clothes without distinction.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Pray pay the cook her wages, and do not mention -the confession which I forced from her—a -little sooner or later is of no consequence. Nothing -but my extreme stupidity could have rendered -me blind so long. Yet, whilst you assured -me that you had no attachment, I thought we -might still have lived together.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall make no comments on your conduct; -or any appeal to the world. Let my wrongs sleep -with me! Soon, very soon shall I be at peace. -When you receive this, my burning head will be -cold.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I would encounter a thousand deaths, rather -than a night like the last. Your treatment has -thrown my mind into a state of chaos; yet I am -serene. I go to find comfort, and my only fear -is, that my poor body will be insulted by an endeavour -to recal my hated existence. But I shall -plunge into the Thames where there is the least -chance of my being snatched from the death I -seek.</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you! May you never know by experience -what you have made me endure. Should -your sensibility ever awake, remorse will find its -way to your heart; and, in the midst of business -<span class='pageno' id='Page_246'>246</span>and sensual pleasure, I shall appear before you, -the victim of your deviation from rectitude.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXX.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Sunday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have only to lament, that, when the -bitterness of death was past, I was inhumanly -brought back to life and misery. But a fixed determination -is not to be baffled by disappointment; -nor will I allow that to be a frantic attempt, -which was one of the calmest acts of reason. -In this respect, I am only accountable to myself. -Did I care for what is termed reputation, it is by -other circumstances that I should be dishonoured.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You say, “that you know not how to extricate -ourselves out of the wretchedness into which we -have been plunged.” You are extricated long -since.—But I forbear to comment.——If I am -condemned to live longer, it is a living death.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It appears to me, that you lay much more stress -on delicacy, than on principle; but I am unable -to discover what sentiment of delicacy would have -been violated, by your visiting a wretched friend—if -<span class='pageno' id='Page_247'>247</span>indeed you have any friendship for me.—But -since your new attachment is the only thing sacred -in your eyes, I am silent—Be happy! My complaints -shall never more damp your enjoyment—perhaps -I am mistaken in supposing that even my -death could, for more than a moment.—This is -what you call magnanimity.—It is happy for -yourself, that you possess this quality in the highest -degree.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Your continually asserting, that you will do all -in your power to contribute to my comfort (when -you only allude to pecuniary assistance), appears -to me a flagrant breach of delicacy.—I want not -such vulgar comfort, nor will I accept it. I never -wanted but your heart.—That gone, you have -nothing more to give. Had I only poverty to fear, -I should not shrink from life.—Forgive me then, -if I say, that I shall consider any direct or indirect -attempt to supply my necessities, as an insult which -I have not merited—and as rather done out of -tenderness for your own reputation, than for me. -Do not mistake me; I do not think that you value -money (therefore I will not accept what you do -not care for) though I do much less, because certain -privations are not painful to me. When I -am dead, respect for yourself will make you take -care of the child.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I write with difficulty—probably I shall never -write to you again.—Adieu!</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you!</p> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_248'>248</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXI.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Monday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am compelled at last to say that you treat me -ungenerously. I agree with you, that</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>But let the obliquity now fall on me.—I fear neither -poverty nor infamy. I am unequal to the -task of writing—and explanations are not necessary.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - <div class='c003'>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>My child may have to blush for her mother’s -want of prudence—and may lament that the rectitude -of my heart made me above vulgar precautions; -but she shall not despise me for meanness. -You are now perfectly free.—</p> - -<p class='c007'>God bless you.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_249'>249</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXII.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Saturday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been hurt by indirect enquiries, which -appear to me not to be dictated by any tenderness -to me. You ask “If I am well or tranquil?”—They -who think me so, must want a heart to -estimate my feelings by.—I chuse then to be the -organ of my own sentiments.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I must tell you, that I am very much mortified -by your continually offering me pecuniary -assistance—and, considering your going to the new -house, as an open avowal that you abandon me, -let me tell you that I will sooner perish than receive -any thing from you—and I say this at the -moment when I am disappointed in my first attempt -to obtain a temporary supply. But this -even pleases me; an accumulation of disappointments -and misfortunes seem to suit the habit of -my mind.—</p> - -<p class='c007'>Have but a little patience and I will remove -myself where it will not be necessary for you to -talk—of course, not to think of me. But let me -see, written by yourself—for I will not receive it -through any other medium—that the affair is -<span class='pageno' id='Page_250'>250</span>finished. It is an insult to me to suppose, that I -can be reconciled, or recover my spirits; but, if -you hear nothing of me, it will be the same -thing to you.</p> - -<p class='c012'>Even your seeing me has been to oblige other -people, and not to sooth my distracted mind.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Thursday Afternoon.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. —— having forgot to desire you to -send the things of mine which were left at the -house, I have to request you to let —— bring -them to ——.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall go this evening to the lodging; so you -need not be restrained from coming here to transact -your business,—And, whatever I may think, -and feel—you need not fear that I shall publicly -complain—No! If I have any criterion to judge -of wright and wrong, I have been most ungenerously -treated: but, wishing now only to hide -myself, I shall be silent as the grave in which I -long to forget myself. I shall protect and provide -<span class='pageno' id='Page_251'>251</span>for my child. I only mean by this to say, -that you having nothing to fear from my desperation.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Farewell.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXIV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>London, November 27.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>The letter, without an address, which you -put up with the letters you returned, did not meet -my eyes till just now. I had thrown the letters -aside—I did not wish to look over a register of -sorrow.</p> - -<p class='c007'>My not having seen it, will account for my -having written to you with anger—under the impression -your departure, without even a line left -for me, made on me, even after your late conduct, -which could not lead me to expect much attention -to my sufferings.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In fact, “the decided conduct, which appeared -to me so unfeeling,” has almost overturned -my reason; my mind is injured—I scarcely know -where I am, or what I do. The grief I cannot -conquer (for some cruel recollections never quit -<span class='pageno' id='Page_252'>252</span>me, banishing almost every other) I labour to -conceal in total solitude. My life therefore is but -an exercise of fortitude, continually on the -stretch—and hope never gleams in this tomb, -where I am buried alive.</p> - -<p class='c007'>But I meant to reason with you, and not to -complain.—You tell me, “that I shall judge -more cooly of your mode of acting, some time -hence.” But is it not possible that <em>passion</em> clouds -your reason, as much as it does mine?—and -ought you not to doubt, whether those principles -are so “exalted,” as you term them, which only -lead to your own gratification? In other words, -whether it be just to have no principle of action, -but that of following your inclination, trampling -on the affection you have fostered and the expectations -you have excited?</p> - -<p class='c007'>My affection for you is rooted in my heart. I -know you are not what you now seem—nor will -you always act or feel as you now do, though I -may never be comforted by the change. Even at -Paris, my image will haunt you.—You will see -my pale face—and sometimes the tears of anguish -will drop on your heart, which you have forced -from mine.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I cannot write. I thought I could quickly -have refuted all your <em>ingenious</em> arguments; but -<span class='pageno' id='Page_253'>253</span>my head is confused.—Right or wrong, I am -miserable!</p> - -<p class='c007'>It seems to me, that my conduct has always -been governed by the strictest principles of justice -and truth.—Yet, how wretched have social -feelings, and delicacy of sentiment rendered -me!—I have loved with my whole soul, only to -discover that I had no chance of a return—and -that existence is a burthen without it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I do not perfectly understand you.—If, by the -offer of your friendship, you still only mean pecuniary -support—I must again reject it.—Trifling -are the ills of poverty in the scale of misfortune.—God -bless you!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I have been treated ungenerously—if I understand -what is generosity.—You seem to me only -to have been anxious to shake me off—regardless -whether you dashed me to atoms by the fall. In -truth I have been rudely handled. <em>Do you judge -coolly</em>, and I trust you will not continue to call those -capricious feelings “the most refined,” which -would undermine not only the most sacred principles, -but the affections which unite mankind.——You -would render mothers unnatural—and -there would be no such thing as a father!—If -your theory of morals is the most “exalted,” it -is certainly the most easy.—It does not require -<span class='pageno' id='Page_254'>254</span>much magnanimity, to determine to please ourselves -for the moment, let others suffer what they -will!</p> - -<p class='c007'>Excuse me for again tormenting you, my heart -thirsts for justice from you—and whilst I recollect -that you approved Miss ——’s conduct. I -am convinced you will not always justify your -own.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Beware of the deceptions of passion! It will not -always banish from your mind, that you have -acted ignobly—and condescended to subterfuge to -gloss over the conduct you could not excuse.—Do -truth and principle require such sacrifices?</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>London, December 8.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Having just been informed that —— is to -return immediately to Paris, I would not miss a -sure opportunity of writing, because I am not -certain that my last, by Dover, has reached you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Resentment, and even anger, are momentary -emotions with me—and I wished to tell you so, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_255'>255</span>that if you ever think of me, it may not be in the -light of an enemy.</p> - -<p class='c007'>That I have not been used <em>well</em> I must ever -feel; perhaps, not always with the keen anguish -I do at present—for I began even now to write -calmly, and I cannot restrain my tears.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I am stunned!—Your late conduct still appears -to me a frightful dream. Ah! ask yourself if -you have not condescended to employ a little address, -I could almost say cunning, unworthy of -you?—Principles are sacred things—and we never -play with truth, with impunity.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The expectation (I have too fondly nourished -it) of regaining your affection, every day grows -fainter and fainter.—Indeed it seems to me, when -I am more sad than usual, that I shall never see -you more.—Yet you will not always forget me. -You will feel something like remorse, for having -lived only for yourself—and sacrificed my peace to -inferior gratifications. In a comfortless old age, -you will remember that you had one disinterested -friend, whose heart you wounded to the quick. -The hour of recollection will come—and you will -not be satisfied to act the part of a boy, till you -fall into that of a dotard. I know that your mind, -your heart, and your principles of action, are all -superior to your present conduct. You do, you -<span class='pageno' id='Page_256'>256</span>must, respect me—and you will be sorry to forfeit -my esteem.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You know best whether I am still preserving -the remembrance of an imaginary being. I once -thought that I knew you thoroughly—but now I -am obliged to leave some doubts that involuntarily -press on me, to be cleared up by time.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You may render me unhappy; but cannot -make me contemptible in my own eyes. I shall -still be able to support my child, though I am -disappointed in some other plans of usefulness, which -I once believed would have afforded you equal -pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Whilst I was with you, I restrained my natural -generosity, because I thought your property in -jeopardy. When I went to ——, I requested -you, <em>if you could conveniently</em>, not to forget my -father, sisters, and some other people, whom I was -interested about.—Money was lavished away, yet -not only my requests were neglected, but some -trifling debts were not discharged, that now come -on me. Was this friendship—or generosity? -Will you not grant you have forgotten yourself? -Still I have an affection for you.—God bless -you.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>* * * *</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_257'>257</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXVI.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c015'>As the parting from you for ever is the most -serious event of my life, I will once expostulate -with you, and call not the language of truth and -feeling ingenuity!</p> - -<p class='c007'>I know the soundness of your understanding—and -know that it is impossible for you always to -confound the caprices of every wayward inclination -with the manly dictates of principle.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You tell me “that I torment you.”—Why -do I?——Because you cannot estrange your heart -entirely from me—and you feel that justice is on -my side. You urge, “that your conduct was -unequivocal.”—It was not.—When your coolness -has hurt me, with what tenderness have you -endeavoured to remove the impression!—and even -before I returned to England, you took great pains -to convince me that all my uneasiness was occasioned -by the effect of a worn-out constitution—and -you concluded your letter with these words, -“Business alone has kept me from you.—Come to -my port, and I will still fly down to my two dear -girls with a heart all their own.”</p> - -<p class='c007'>With these assurances, is it extraordinary that -I should believe what I wished? I might—and -did think that you had a struggle with old propensities; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_258'>258</span>but I still thought that I and virtue -should at last prevail. I still thought that you had -a magnanimity of character, which would enable -you to conquer yourself.</p> - -<p class='c007'>—— ——, believe me, it is not romance, you -have acknowledged to me feelings of this kind. -You could restore me to life and hope, and the satisfaction -you would feel, would amply repay you.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In tearing myself from you, it is my own heart -I pierce—and the time will come, when you will -lament that you have thrown away a heart, that, -even in the moment of passion, you cannot despise.—I -would owe every thing to your generosity—but, -for God’s sake, keep me no longer in -suspense!—Let me see you once more!——</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER LXXVII.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>You must do as you please with respect to -the child. I could wish that it might be done -soon, that my name may be no more mentioned -to you. It is now finished. Convinced that you -have neither regard nor friendship, I disdain to -utter a reproach, though I have had reason to -think, that the “forbearance” talked of, has not -been very delicate. It is however of no consequence. -I am glad you are satisfied with your -own conduct.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_259'>259</span>I now solemnly assure you, that this is an eternal -farewel. Yet I flinch not from the duties -which tie me to life.</p> - -<p class='c007'>That there is “sophistry” on one side or -other, is certain; but now it matters not on -which. On my part it has not been a question -of words. Yet your understanding or mine must -be strangely warped, for what you term “delicacy,” -appears to me to be exactly the contrary. -I have no criterion for morality, and have thought -in vain, if the sensations which lead you to follow -an ancle or step, be the sacred foundation of -principle and affection. Mine has been of a very -different nature, or it would not have stood the -brunt of your sarcasms.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The sentiment in me is still sacred. If there be -any part of me that will survive the sense of my -misfortunes, it is the purity of my affections. The -impetuosity of your senses, may have led you -to term mere animal desire, the source of principle; -and it may give zest to some years to come. -Whether you will always think so, I shall never -know.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is strange that, in spite of all you do, something -like conviction forces me to believe, that -you are not what you appear to be.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I part with you in peace.</p> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_260'>260</span> - <h2 id='French' class='c004'>LETTER<br /> <span class='small'>ON THE</span><br /> <span class='large'>PRESENT CHARACTER</span><br /> <span class='small'>OF THE</span><br /> <span class='large'>FRENCH NATION.</span></h2> -</div> - -<p class='c018'>INTRODUCTORY TO A SERIES OF LETTERS -ON THE PRESENT CHARACTER OF THE -FRENCH NATION.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r c002'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Paris, February 15, 1793.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MY DEAR FRIEND,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c000'>It is necessary perhaps for an observer of mankind, -to guard as carefully the remembrance of -the first impression made by a nation, as by a countenance; -because we imperceptibly lose sight of -the national character, when we become more intimate -with individuals. It is not then useless or -presumptuous to note, that, when I first entered -Paris, the striking contrast of riches and poverty, -elegance and slovenliness, urbanity and deceit, -every where caught my eye, and saddened my -soul; and these impressions are still the foundation -of my remarks on the manners, which flatter -the senses, more than they interest the heart, and -yet excite more interest than esteem.</p> - -<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_261'>261</span>The whole mode of life here tends indeed to -render the people frivolous, and, to borrow their -favourite epithet, amiable. Ever on the wing, -they are always sipping the sparkling joy on the -brim of the cup, leaving satiety in the bottom for -those who venture to drink deep. On all sides -they trip along, buoyed up by animal spirits, and -seemingly so void of care, that often, when I am -walking on the Boulevards, it occurs to me, that -they alone understand the full import of the term -leisure; and they trifle their time away with such -an air of contentment, I know not how to wish -them wiser at the expence of their gaiety. They -play before me like motes in a sunbeam, enjoying -the passing ray; whilst an English head, searching -for more solid happiness, loses, in the analysis of -pleasure, the volatile sweets of the moment.—Their -chief enjoyment, it is true, rises from vanity: -but it is not the vanity that engenders vexation -of spirit; on the contrary, it lightens the -heavy burden of life, which reason too often -weighs, merely to shift from one shoulder to the -other.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Investigating the modification of the passion, as -I would analyze the elements that give a form to -dead matter, I shall attempt to trace to their source -the causes which have combined to render this -nation the most polished, in a physical sense, and -probably the most superficial in the world; and I -<span class='pageno' id='Page_262'>262</span>mean to follow the windings of the various -streams that disembogue into a terrific gulf, in -which all the dignity of our nature is absorbed. -For every thing has conspired to make the French -the most sensual people in the world; and what -can render the heart so hard, or so effectually -stifle every moral emotion, as the refinements of -sensuality?</p> - -<p class='c007'>The frequent repetition of the word French, -appears invidious; let me then make a previous -observation, which I beg you not to lose sight of, -when I speak rather harshly of a land flowing -with milk and honey. Remember that it is not -the morals of a particular people that I would decry; -for are we not all of the same stock? But I -wish calmly to consider the stage of civilization -in which I find the French, and, giving a sketch -of their character, and unfolding the circumstances -which have produced its identity, I shall endeavour -to throw some light on the history of man, -and on the present important subjects of discussion.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I would I could first inform you that, out of -the chaos of vices and follies, prejudices and virtues, -rudely jumbled together, I saw the fair form -of Liberty slowly rising, and Virtue expanding her -wings to shelter all her children! I should then hear -the account of the barbarities that have rent the bosom -<span class='pageno' id='Page_263'>263</span>of France patiently, and bless the firm hand -that lopt off the rotten limbs. But, if the aristocracy -of birth is levelled with the ground, only to -make room for that of riches, I am afraid that -the morals of the people will not be much improved -by the change, or the government rendered -less venial. Still it is not just to dwell on the -misery produced by the present struggle, without -adverting to the standing evils of the old system. -I am grieved—sorely grieved—when I think of -the blood that has stained the cause of freedom at -Paris; but I also hear the same live stream cry -aloud from the highways, through which the retreating -armies passed with famine and death in -their rear, and I hide my face with awe before -the inscrutable ways of Providence, sweeping in -such various directions the bosom of destruction -over the sons of men.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Before I came to France, I cherished, you -know, an opinion, that strong virtues might exist -with the polished manners produced by the -progress of civilization; and I even anticipated -the epoch, when, in the course of improvement, -men would labour to become virtuous, without -being goaded on by misery. But now, the perspective -of the golden age, fading before the attentive -eye of observation, almost eludes my sight; -and, losing thus in part my theory of a more perfect -state, start not, my friend, if I bring forward -an opinion, which at the first glance seems to be -levelled aginst the existence of God! I am not -<span class='pageno' id='Page_264'>264</span>become an Atheist, I assure you, by residing at -Paris: yet I begin to fear that vice, or, if you -will, evil, is the grand mobile of action, and that, -when the passions are justly poized, we become -harmless, and in the same proportion useless.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The wants of reason are very few; and, were -we to consider dispassionately the real value of most -things, we should probably rest satisfied with the -simple gratification of our physical necessities, and -be content with negative goodness: for it is frequently, -only that wanton, the imagination, with -her artful coquetry, who lures us forward, and -makes us run over a rough road, pushing aside -every obstacle merely to catch a disappointment.</p> - -<p class='c007'>The desire also of being useful to others, is continually -damped by experience; and, if the exertions -of humanity were not in some measure their -own reward, who would endure misery, or struggle -with care, to make some people ungrateful, -and others idle?</p> - -<p class='c007'>You will call these melancholy effusions, and -guess that, fatigued by the vivacity, which has all -the bustling folly of childhood, without the innocence -which renders ignorance charming, I am -too severe in my strictures. It may be so; and I -am aware that the good effects of the revolution -will be last felt at Paris; where surely the soul of -Epicurus has only been at work to root out the simple -emotions of the heart, which, being natural, -are always moral. Rendered cold and artificial by -the selfish enjoyments of the senses, which the government -<span class='pageno' id='Page_265'>265</span>fostered, is it surprising that simplicity -of manners, and singleness of heart, rarely appear, -to recreate me with the wild odour of nature, so -passing sweet?</p> - -<p class='c007'>Seeing how deep the fibres of mischief have -shot, I sometimes ask, with a doubting accent, -Whether a nation can go back to the purity of -manners which has hitherto been maintained unsullied -only by the keen air of poverty, when, -emasculated by pleasure, the luxuries of prosperity -are become the wants of nature? I cannot -yet give up the hope, that a fairer day is dawning -on Europe, though I must hesitatingly observe, -that little is to be expected from the narrow -principle of commerce which seems every -where to be shoving aside <em>the point of honour</em> of -the <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">noblesse</span></i>. I can look beyond the evils of the -moment, and do not expect muddied water to -become clear before it has had time to stand; yet, -even for the moment, it is the most terrific of all -sights, to see men vicious without warmth—to see -the order that should be the superscription of virtue, -cultivated to give security to crimes which -only thoughtlessness could palliate. Disorder is, -in fact, the very essence of vice, though with the -wild wishes of a corrupt fancy humane emotions -often kindly mix to soften their atrocity. Thus -humanity, generosity, and even self-denial, sometimes -render a character grand, and even useful, -when hurried away by lawless passions; but what -can equal the turpitude of a cold calculator who -<span class='pageno' id='Page_266'>266</span>lives for himself alone, and considering his fellow-creatures -merely as machines of pleasure, never -forgets that honesty is the best policy? Keeping -ever within the pale of the law, he crushes his -thousands with impunity; but it is with that degree -of management, which makes him, to borrow -a significant vulgarism, a villain <em>in grain</em>. -The very excess of his depravation preserves him, -whilst the more respectable beast of prey, who -prowls about like the lion, and roars to announce -his approach, falls into a snare.</p> - -<p class='c007'>You may think it too soon to form an opinion -of the future government, yet it is impossible to -avoid hazarding some conjectures, when every -thing whispers me, that names, not principles, -are changed, and when I see that the turn of the -tide has left the dregs of the old system to corrupt -the new. For the same pride of office, the same -desire of power are still visible; with this aggravation, -that, fearing to return to obscurity after -having but just acquired a relish for distinction, -each hero, or philosopher, for all are dubbed with -these new titles, endeavours to make hay while -the sun shines; and every petty municipal officer, -become the idol, or rather the tyrant of the day, -stalks like a cock on a dunghill.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I shall now conclude this desultory letter; -which however will enable you to foresee that I -shall treat more of morals than manners.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours ——</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_267'>267</span> - <h2 id='Infants' class='c004'>LETTER<br /> <span class='small'>ON THE</span><br /> <span class='large'>MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS.</span></h2> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c006'>I ought to appologize for not having written -to you on the subject you mentioned; but, to -tell you the truth, it grew upon me: and, instead -of an answer, I have begun a series of letters on -the management of children in their infancy. Replying -then to your question, I have the public -in my thoughts, and shall endeavour to shew -what modes appear to me necessary, to render the -infancy of children more healthy and happy. I -have long thought, that the cause which renders -children as hard to rear as the most fragile plant, -is our deviation from simplicity. I know that -some able physicians have recommended the method -I have pursued, and I mean to point out the -good effects I have observed in practice. I am -aware that many matrons will exclaim against me -and dwell on the number of children they have -brought up, as their mothers did before them -<span class='pageno' id='Page_268'>268</span>without troubling themselves with new-fangled -notions; yet, though, in my uncle Toby’s -words, they should attempt to silence me, by -“wishing I had seen their large” families, I -must suppose, while a third part of the human -species, according to the most accurate calculation, -die during their infancy, just at the -threshold of life, that there is some errors in -the modes adopted by mothers and nurses, which -counteracts their own endeavours. I may be mistaken -in some particulars; for general rules, -founded on the soundest reason, demand individual -modification; but, if I can persuade any of the -rising generation to exercise their reason on this -head, I am content. My advice will probably -be found most useful to mothers in the middle -class; and it is from that the lower imperceptibly -gains improvement. Custom, produced by -reason in one, may safely be the effect of imitation -in the other.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div>— — — — —</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_269'>269</span> - <h2 id='Johnson' class='c004'><span class='sc'>LETTERS<br /> TO<br /> Mr. JOHNSON</span>,<br /> <span class='small'>BOOKSELLER, IN ST. PAUL’S CHURCH-YARD.</span></h2> -</div> - -<h3 class='c013'>LETTER I.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Dublin, April 14, [1787.]</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>DEAR SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='drop-capa0_0 c000'>I am still an invalid—and begin to believe that -I ought never to expect to enjoy health. My -mind preys on my body—and, when I endeavour -to be useful, I grow too much interested for my -own peace. Confined almost entirely to the society -of children, I am anxiously solicitous for -their future welfare, and mortified beyond measure, -when counteracted in my endeavours to improve -them.—I feel all the mother’s fears for the -swarm of little ones which surround me, and observe -disorders, without having power to apply the -proper remedies. How can I be reconciled to -life, when it is always a painful warfare, and when -I am deprived of all the pleasures I relish?—I -allude to rational conversations, and domestic affections. -Here, alone, a poor solitary individual in -a strange land, tied to one spot, and subject to the -caprice of another, can I be contented? I am desirous -<span class='pageno' id='Page_270'>270</span>to convince you that I have <em>some</em> cause for -sorrow—and am not without reason detached -from life. I shall hope to hear that you are well, -and am yours sincerely,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Wollstonecraft.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER II.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Henly, Thursday, Sept. 13.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MY DEAR SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Since I saw you, I have, literally speaking, -<em>enjoyed</em> solitude. My sister could not accompany -me in my rambles; I therefore wandered alone -by the side of the Thames, and in the neighbouring -beautiful fields and pleasure-grounds: the -prospects were of such a placid kind, I <em>caught</em> -tranquillity while I surveyed them—my mind was -<em>still</em>, though active. Were I to give you an account -how I have spent my time, you would smile. -I found an old French bible here, and amused myself -with comparing it with our English translation—then -I would listen to the falling leaves, or -observe the various tints the autumn gave to -them. At other times, the singing of a robin, or -the noise of a water-mill, engaged my attention—for -I was, at the same time perhaps discussing -some knotty point, or straying from this <em>tiny</em> world -to new systems. After these excursions, I returned -<span class='pageno' id='Page_271'>271</span>to the family meals, to’d the children stories -(they think me <em>vastly</em> agreeable) and my sister was -amused.—Well, will you allow me to call this -way of passing my days pleasant?</p> - -<p class='c007'>I was just going to mend my pen; but I believe -it will enable me to say all I have to add to this -epistle. Have you yet heard of an habitation for -me? I often think of my new plan of life; and, -lest my sister should try to prevail on me to alter -it, I have avoided mentioning it to her. I am -determined!—Your sex generally laugh at female -determinations; but let me tell you, I never yet -resolved to do any thing of consequence, that I did -not adhere resolutely to it, till I had accomplished -my purpose, improbable as it might have appeared -to a more timid mind. In the course of near -nine-and-twenty years, I have gathered some experience, -and felt many <em>severe</em> disappointments—and -what is the amount? I long for a little peace -and <em>independence</em>! Every obligation we receive -from our fellow-creatures is a new shackle, takes -from our native freedom, and debases the mind, -makes us mere earthworms—I am not fond of -grovelling!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in4'>I am, sir, yours, &c.</div> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Mary Wollstonecraft</span>.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_272'>272</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER III.</h3> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Market Harborough, Sept. 20.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MY DEAR SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>You left me with three opulent tradesmen; -their conversation was not calculated to beguile the -way, when the sable curtain concealed the beauties -of nature. I listened to the tricks of trade—and -shrunk away without wishing to grow rich; even -the novelty of the subjects did not render them -pleasing; fond as I am of tracing the passions in -all their different forms—I was not surprised by -any glimpse of the sublime or beautiful—though -one of them imagined I should be a useful partner -in a good <em>firm</em>. I was very much fatigued, and -have scarcely recovered myself. I do not expect -to enjoy the same tranquil pleasures Henley afforded: -I meet with new objects to employ my -mind; but many painful emotions are complicated -with the reflections they give rise to.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I do not intend to enter on the <em>old</em> topic, yet -hope to hear from you—and am yours, &c.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='sc'>Mary Wollstonecraft.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER IV.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Friday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MY DEAR SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Though your remarks are generally judicious—I -cannot <em>now</em> concur with you, I mean with -<span class='pageno' id='Page_273'>273</span>respect to the preface<a id='r12'></a><a href='#f12' class='c011'><sup>[12]</sup></a>, and have not altered it. -I hate the usual smooth way of exhibiting proud -humility. A general rule <em>only</em> extends to the majority—and, -believe me, the few judicious who -may peruse my book, will not feel themselves -hurt—and the weak are too vain to mind what is -said in a book intended for children.</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f12'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r12'>12</a>. To Original Stories.</p> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I return you the Italian MS.—but do not hastily -imagine that I am indolent. I would not spare -any labour to do my duty—and after the most laborious -day, that single thought would solace me -more than any pleasures the senses could enjoy. -I find I could not translate the MS. well. If it -was not a MS., I should not be so easily intimidated; -but the hand, and errors in orthography, -or abbreviations, are a stumbling-block at the first -setting out.—I cannot bear to do any thing I cannot -do well—and I should loose time in the vain -attempt.</p> - -<p class='c007'>I had, the other day, the satisfaction of again -receiving a letter from my poor, dear Margaret<a id='r13'></a><a href='#f13' class='c011'><sup>[13]</sup></a>. -With all the mother’s fondness I could transcribe -a part of it. She says, every day her affection to me, -and dependence on heaven increase, &c.—I miss -her innocent caresses—and sometimes indulge a -pleasing hope, that she may be allowed to cheer -my childless age—if I am to live to be old. At -any rate, I may hear of the virtues I may not -contemplate—and my reason may permit me to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_274'>274</span>love a female. I now allude to ——. I have -received another letter from her, and her childish -complaints vex me—indeed they do.—As usual, -good-night.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>If parents attended to their children, I would -not have written the stories; for, what are books, -compared to conversations which affection inforces!—</p> - -<div class='footnote' id='f13'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r13'>13</a>. Countess Mount Cashel.</p> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER V.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MY DEAR SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>Remember you are to settle <em>my account</em>, as I -want to know how much I am in your debt—but -do not suppose that I feel any uneasiness on that -score. The generality of people in trade would -not be much obliged to me for a like civility, <em>but -you were a man</em> before you were a bookseller—so I -am your sincere friend,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER VI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Friday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am sick with vexation, and wish I could -knock my foolish head against the wall, that bodily -pain might make me feel less anguish from -self-reproach! To say the truth, I was never -more displeased with myself, and I will tell you -the cause. You may recollect that I did not mention -<span class='pageno' id='Page_275'>275</span>to you the circumstance of —— having -a fortune left to him; nor did a hint of it dropt -from me when I conversed with my sister; because -I knew he had a sufficient motive for concealing -it. Last Sunday, when his character was -aspersed, as I thought, unjustly, in the heat of vindication -I informed ****** that he was now independent; -but, at the same time, desired him not -to repeat my information to B——; yet, last -Tuesday, he told him all, and the boy at B——’s -gave Mrs. —— an account of it. As Mr. —— -knew he had only made a confident of me (I blush -to think of it!) he guessed the channel of intelligence, -and this morning came (not to reproach -me, I wish he had!) but to point out the injury -I have done him. Let what will be the consequence, -I will reimburse him, if I deny myself -the necessaries of life—and even then my folly -will sting me. Perhaps you can scarcely conceive -the misery I at this moment endure—that I, -whose power of doing good is so limited, should -do harm, galls my very soul. **** may laugh -at these qualms—but, supposing Mr. —— -to be unworthy, I am not the less to blame.—Surely -it is hell to despise one’s self! I did not -want this additional vexation—at this time I have -many that hang heavily on my spirits. I shall not -call on you this month, nor stir out. My stomach -has been so suddenly and violently affected, I am -unable to lean over the desk.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_276'>276</span> - <h3 class='c014'>LETTER VII.</h3> -</div> - -<p class='c015'>As I am become a reviewer, I think it right -in the way of business, to consider the subject. -You have alarmed the editor of the Critical, as -the advertisement prefixed to the Appendix plainly -shews. The Critical appears to be a timid, -mean production, and its success is a reflection on -the taste and judgment of the public; but, as a -body, who ever gave it credit for much? The -voice of the people is only the voice of truth, -when some man of abilities has had time to get -fast hold of the <span class='fss'>GREAT NOSE</span> of the monster. -Of course, local fame is generally a clamour, and -dies away. The Appendix to the Monthly afforded -me more amusement, though every article -almost wants energy and a <em>cant</em> of virtue and -liberality is strewed over it; always tame, and eager -to pay court to established fame. The account -of Necker is one unvaried tone of admiration. -Surely men were born only to provide for the -sustenance of the body by enfeebling the mind!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER VIII.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>You made me very low-spirited last night, by -your manner of talking.—You are my only friend—the -only person I am <em>intimate</em> with.—I never -had a father, or a brother—you have been both -to me, ever since I knew you—yet I have sometimes -been very petulant.—I have been thinking -<span class='pageno' id='Page_277'>277</span>of those instances of ill humour and quickness, and -they appeared like crimes.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Yours sincerely</div> - <div class='line in12'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER IX.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Saturday Night.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I am a mere animal, and instinctive emotions -too often silence the suggestions of reason. Your -note—I can scarcely tell why, hurt me—and produced -a kind of winterly smile, which diffuses a -beam of despondent tranquillity over the features. -I have been very ill—Heaven knows it was more -than fancy. After some sleepless, wearisome -nights, towards the morning I have grown delirious.—Last -Thursday, in particular, I imagined -—— was thrown into great distress by his -folly; and I, unable to assist him, was in an -agony. My nerves were in such a painful state -of irritation—I suffered more than I can express. -Society was necessary—and might have diverted -me till I gained more strength; but I blushed -when I recollect how often I had teazed you -with childish complaints, and the reveries of a -disordered imagination. I even <em>imagined</em> that I -intruded on you, because you never called on me—though -you perceived that I was not well.—I -have nourished a sickly kind of delicacy, which -gives me many unnecessary pangs. I acknowledge -that life is but a jest—and often a frightful dream—yet -catch myself every day searching for something -<span class='pageno' id='Page_278'>278</span>serious—and feel real misery from the disappointment. -I am a strange compound of weakness -and resolution. However, if I must suffer, I -will endeavour to suffer in silence. There is certainly -a great defect in my mind—my wayward -heart creates its own misery—Why I am made -thus I cannot tell; and, till I can form some -idea of the whole of my existence, I must be content -to weep and dance like a child—long for -a toy, and be tired of it as soon as I get it.</p> - -<p class='c007'>We must each of us wear a fool’s cap; but -mine, alas! has lost its bells, and grown so heavy, -I find it intolerably troublesome.——Goodnight! -I have been pursuing a number of strange -thoughts since I began to write, and have actually -both wept and laughed immoderately—Surely I -am a fool—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY W.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER X.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Monday Morning.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I really want a German grammar, as I intend -to attempt to learn that language——and I -will tell you the reason why.—While I live, I am -persuaded, I must exert my understanding to procure -an independence, and render myself useful. -To make the task easier, I ought to store my mind -with knowledge—The feed-time is passing away. -I see the necessity of labouring now—and of that -necessity I do not complain; on the contrary, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_279'>279</span>I am thankful that I have more than common -incentives to pursue knowledge, and draw -my pleasures from the employments that are -within my reach. You perceive this is not a -gloomy day—I feel at this moment particularly -grateful to you—without your humane and <em>delicate</em> -assistance, how many obstacles should I not have -had to encounter—too often should I have been -out of patience with my fellow-creatures, whom -I wish to love!—Allow me to love you, my dear -sir, and call friend a being I respect.—Adieu!</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY W.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XI.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>I thought you <em>very</em> unkind, nay, very unfeeling, -last night. My cares and vexations, I -will say what I allow myself to think—do me honour, -as they arise from disinterestedness and <em>unbending</em> -principles; nor can that mode of conduct -be a reflection on my understanding, which enables -me to bear misery, rather than selfishly live -for myself alone. I am not the only character -deserving of respect, that has had to struggle with -various sorrows—while inferior minds have enjoyed -local fame and present comfort.—Dr. Johnson’s -cares almost drove him mad—but I suppose, -you would quietly have told him, he was a fool -<span class='pageno' id='Page_280'>280</span>for not being calm, and that wise men striving -against the stream, can yet be in good humour. I -have done with insensible human wisdom,—“indifference -cold in wisdom’s guise,”—and turn to the -source of perfection—who perhaps never disregarded -an almost broken heart, especially when a -respect, a practical respect, for virtue, sharpened -the wounds of adversity. I am ill—I stayed in -bed this morning till eleven o’clock, only thinking -of getting money to extricate myself out of some -of my difficulties—the struggle is now over. I -will condescend to try to obtain some in a disagreeable -way.</p> - -<p class='c007'>Mr. —— called on me just now—pray did -you know his motive for calling<a id='r14'></a><a href='#f14' class='c011'><sup>[14]</sup></a>?—I think him -impertinently officious.—He had left the house -before it occured to me in the strong light it does -now, or I should have told him so.—My poverty -makes me proud—I will not be insulted by a superficial -puppy—His intimacy with Miss —— -gave him a privilege, which he should not have -assumed with me—a proposal might be made to -his cousin, a milliner’s girl, which should not -have been mentioned to me. Pray tell him -that I am offended—and do not wish to see -him again——When I meet him at your house, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_281'>281</span>I shall leave the room, since I cannot pull him -by the nose. I can force my spirit to leave my -body—but it shall never bend to support that -body—God of heaven, save thy child from this -living death!—I scarcely know what I write. My -hand trembles—I am very sick—sick at heart.—</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='footnote' id='f14'> -<p class='c007'><a href='#r14'>14</a>. This alludes to a foolish proposal of marriage for mercenary -considerations, which the gentleman here mentioned -thought proper to recommend to her. The two letters which -immediately follow, are addressed to the gentleman himself.</p> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Tuesday Evening.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>When you left me this morning, and I reflected -a moment—your <em>officious</em> message, which -at first appeared to me a joke—looked so very like -an insult—I cannot forget it—To prevent then -the necessity of forcing a smile—when I chance to -meet you—I take the earliest opportunity of informing -you of my sentiments.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XIII.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Wednesday, 3 o’clock.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>SIR,</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>It is inexpressibly disagreeable to me to be obliged -to enter again on a subject, that has already -<span class='pageno' id='Page_282'>282</span>raised a tumult of <em>indignant</em> emotions in my bosom, -which I was labouring to suppress when I received -your letter. I shall now <em>condescend</em> to answer your -epistle; but let me first tell you, that, in my <em>unprotected</em> -situation, I make a point of never forgiving -a <em>deliberate insult</em>—and in that light I consider -your late officious conduct. It is not according to -my nature to mince matters—I will then tell you -in plain terms, what I think. I have ever considered -you in the light of a <em>civil</em> acquaintance—on -the word friend I lay a peculiar emphasis—and, as -a mere acquaintance, you were rude and <em>cruel</em>, to -step forward to insult a woman, whose conduct and -misfortunes demand respect. If my friend, Mr. -Johnson, had made the proposal—I should have -been severely hurt—have thought him unkind -and unfeeling, but not <em>impertinent</em>. The privilege -of intimacy you had no claim to, and should have -referred the man to myself—if you had not sufficient -discernment to quash it at once. I am, sir, -poor and destitute. Yet I have a spirit that will -never bend, or take indirect methods, to obtain the -consequence I despise; nay, if to support life it -was necessary to act contrary to my principles, the -struggle would soon be over. I can bear any thing -but my own contempt.</p> - -<p class='c007'>In a few words, what I call an insult, is the -bare supposition that I could for a moment think of -<em>prostituting</em> my person for a maintenance; for in -<span class='pageno' id='Page_283'>283</span>that point of view does such a marriage appear to -me, who consider right and wrong in the abstract, -and never by words and local opinions shield myself -from the reproaches of my own heart and understanding.</p> - -<p class='c007'>It is needless to say more—Only you must excuse -me when I add, that I wish never to see, but -as a perfect stranger, a person who could so -grossly mistake my character. An apology is not -necessary—if you were inclined to make one—nor -any further expostulations. I again repeat, I -cannot overlook an affront; few indeed have sufficient -delicacy to respect poverty, even where it -gives lustre to a character——and I tell you sir, I -am poor, yet can live without your benevolent -exertions.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XIV.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>I send you <em>all</em> the books I had to review except -Dr. J——’s Sermons, which I have begun. If -you wish me to look over any more trash this -month, you must send it directly. I have been -so low-spirited since I saw you—I was quite glad, -last night, to feel myself affected by some passages -in Dr. J——’s sermon on the death of his wife—I -seemed (suddenly) to <em>find</em> my <em>soul</em> again. It has -been for some time I cannot tell where. Send me -<span class='pageno' id='Page_284'>284</span>the Speaker, and <em>Mary</em>, I want one, and I shall -soon want for some paper—you may as well send -it at the same time, for I am trying to brace my -nerves that I may be industrious. I am afraid reason -is not a good bracer—for I have been reasoning -a long time with my untoward spirits, and yet -my hand trembles. I could finish a period very -<em>prettily</em> now, by saying that it ought to be steady -when I add that I am yours sincerely,</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>If you do not like the manner in which I reviewed -Dr. J—’s s—— on his wife, be it known -unto you—I <em>will</em> not do it any other way—I felt -some pleasure in paying a just tribute of respect -to the memory of a man—who, spite of all his -faults, I have an affection for—I say <em>have</em>, for I -believe he is somewhere—<em>where</em> my soul has been -gadding perhaps;—but <em>you</em> do not live on conjectures.</p> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XV.</h3> - -<p class='c015'>My dear sir, I send you a chapter which I am -pleased with, now I see it in one point of view—and, -as I have made free with the author, I hope -you will not have often to say—what does this -mean?</p> - -<p class='c007'>You forgot you were to make out my account, -I am, of course, over head and ears in debt; but I -have not that kind of pride, which makes some -dislike to be obliged to those they respect. On -<span class='pageno' id='Page_285'>285</span>the contrary, when I involuntarily lament that I -have not a father or brother, I thankfully recollect -that I have received unexpected kindness from -you and a few others. So reason allows, what nature -impels me to—for I cannot live without loving -my fellow creatures—nor can I love them, -without discovering some virtue.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>MARY.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<h3 class='c014'>LETTER XVI.</h3> - -<div class='lg-container-r c003'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>Paris, December 26, 1792.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c007'>I should immediately on the receipt of your -letter, my dear friend, have thanked you for your -punctuality, for it highly gratified me, had I not -wished to wait till I could tell you that this day -was not stained with blood. Indeed the prudent -precautions taken by the National Convention to -prevent a tumult, made me suppose that the dogs -of faction would not dare to bark, much less to bite, -however true to their scent; and I was not mistaken; -for the citizens, who were all called out, -are returning home with composed countenances, -shouldering their arms. About nine o’clock this -morning, the king passed by my window, moving -silently along (excepting now and then a few -strokes on the drum, which rendered the stillness -more awful) through empty streets, surrounded -by the national guards, who, clustering round the -carriage, seemed to deserve their name. The -inhabitants flocked to their windows, but the casements -were all shut, not a voice was heard, nor -<span class='pageno' id='Page_286'>286</span>did I see any thing like an insulting gesture. For -the first time since I entered France, I bowed to -the majesty of the people, and respected the propriety -of behaviour so perfectly in unison with my -own feelings. I can scarcely tell you why, but -an association of ideas made the tears flow insensibly -from my eyes, when I saw Louis sitting, -with more dignity than I expected from his character, -in a hackney coach, going to meet death, -where so many of his race have triumphed. My -fancy instantly brought Louis XIV before me, entering -the capital with all his pomp, after one of -the victories most flattering to his pride, only to see -the sunshine of prosperity overshadowed by the -sublime gloom of misery. I have been alone ever -since; and, though my mind is calm, I cannot -dismiss the lively images that have filled my imagination -all the day—Nay, do not smile, but pity -me; for, once or twice, lifting my eyes from the -paper, I have seen eyes glare through a glass-door -opposite my chair, and bloody hands shook at me. -Not the distant sound of a footstep can I hear. My -apartments are remote from those of the servants, -the only persons who sleep with me in an immense -hotel, one folding door opening after another. I -wish I had even kept the cat with me!—I want to -see something alive; death in so many frightful -shapes has taken hold of my fancy. I am going to -bed—and, for the first time in my life, I cannot -put out the candle.</p> - -<div class='lg-container-r'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>M. W.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c002'> - <div>FINIS.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c003' /> -</div> -<div class='tnotes x-ebookmaker'> - -<div class='chapter ph2'> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c019'> - <div>TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES</div> - </div> -</div> - -</div> - - <ol class='ol_1 c002'> - <li>P. <a href='#t133'>133</a>, the first character in “_are” failed to print. Added “c” to make it - “care” in the phrase “should we try to dry up these springs of pleasure, which gush out - to give a freshness to days browned by <em>c</em>are!” - - </li> - <li>P. <a href='#t147'>147</a>, changed “sold to your heart” to “fold to your heart”. - - </li> - <li>Silently corrected obvious typographical errors and variations in spelling. - - </li> - <li>Retained archaic, non-standard, and uncertain spellings as printed. - </li> - </ol> - -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS AND POSTHUMOUS WORKS OF MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT GODWIN ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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