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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #67501 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/67501)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Adolescence, by Stephen Paget
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Adolescence
-
-Author: Stephen Paget
-
-Release Date: February 25, 2022 [eBook #67501]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed
-             Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-             produced from images generously made available by The
-             Internet Archive)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ADOLESCENCE ***
-
-
-
-
-
-                              ADOLESCENCE
-
-
-
-
-                              ADOLESCENCE
-
-
-                                  BY
-                             STEPHEN PAGET
-
-
-                          CONSTABLE & COMPANY
-                          LIMITED      LONDON
-
-
-
-
-                         _First printed 1917._
-
-
-
-
-This lecture was read to Oxford University Extension Students, in
-the Sheldonian Theatre, in August, 1917. The general subject of the
-lectures and classes was “The Near Future: problems of construction and
-reconstruction.”
-
-The Master of University College, who presided over the meeting,
-pointed out that I had said nothing of the help which is given to young
-men by their sisters. He spoke of the legions of young men who “keep
-straight” because they keep in mind what their sisters are to them. I
-ought to have said something of this influence of home-life.
-
-And I ought, perhaps, to have defined with more exactness the very
-words which I would use, if it were my duty to attempt a boy’s
-“sex-education”――we could hardly find an uglier title for it. But I was
-afraid to say more than I did say. The great thing is, that the parent,
-or it may be the teacher, should be able to tell the child, “Do come
-to me, right away, whenever you are puzzled or shocked at anything
-that you read, or hear, or notice: and I will tell you, as well as I
-can, all that you need to know about it.” And the greatest thing of all
-is careful self-preparation. To answer a child with evasive or lying
-nonsense is to offend the child: and we have it on good authority that
-we deserve for that offence the millstone round our necks, and the
-depth of the sea.
-
-
-
-
-                              ADOLESCENCE
-
-
-The honour of coming here was embittered by the difficulty of deciding
-what to say and how to say it. One of the hardest of all subjects,
-adolescence, was given to me: with this added hardship, that I was
-to consider it as something which may be reconstructed in the near
-future; or as a problem which we may somehow solve. It needs more than
-a man to understand adolescence: it needs, at the very least, a Royal
-Commission. I do not understand, really understand, anybody except
-myself; indeed, I do not thoroughly understand even me. One thing, to
-begin with, I did know about adolescence. I knew that it was a Latin
-word. So I looked it up in the Latin dictionary. And there I found
-to my surprise that the ancients were not agreed as to the term of
-adolescence. Varro reckons it from the 15th to the 30th year of life.
-Cicero speaks of Crassus, at 34, as adolescent: he even uses the word
-of Brutus and Cassius, when they were 40; and, what is most unexpected
-of all, he uses it of himself, in the year of his Consulship, when he
-was 44. Nothing could be more incorrigibly middle-aged than Cicero
-at 44; nothing could be more finally settled beyond all possibility
-of unsettlement. We cannot discuss adolescence, if it is to include
-persons of that standing.
-
-Shall we therefore put this word back in the Latin dictionary, and
-speak not of adolescence but of youth? But the word youth hardly takes
-into account the bodily changes which occur between childhood and adult
-life. We are concerned here with the schoolroom years, the threshold
-years, say, from 14 to 18. All of us, when we think seriously about
-boys and girls from 14 to 18 years old, have at the back of our minds
-the thought of sex. And you must forgive me, if I use very plain words
-this evening: for I hope and believe that you will prefer, from a man
-of my profession, plain speaking to roundabout phrases.
-
-My theme is adolescence: I have no right to talk about small children.
-But how can I help myself? Boys and girls begin to be vaguely conscious
-of sex, long before they are 14; some of them get into unclean habits,
-or say unclean things, when they are nearer to 4 than they are to 14;
-indeed, they may get into unclean habits before they are 4. If we are
-to understand the schoolroom, we must first understand the nursery.
-Children, by the time that they are 14, are what those 14 years have
-made them, with our assistance, or with our neglect.
-
-But, as all of us are well aware, no two children are exactly alike
-in this matter. The differences between them are finely graduated;
-but the extremes of difference are miles apart. Some children are
-wholly incurious about sex; some are slightly inquisitive, some are
-very inquisitive, and some, but very few, not one in a thousand, are
-downright vicious and obsessed.
-
-We are too ready, it may be, to give all our praise to those who are
-wholly incurious; we call them healthy-minded, pure-minded, and so
-forth. We admire them because they take no interest in this part
-of their natural life, just as we admire them because they take no
-interest in the working of their brains and their digestive organs. But
-there is nothing very admirable in this blank indifference toward the
-affairs of the body; it is good common sense, but we ought to think
-twice before we regard it as a virtue: it is altogether negative, and
-virtues are something positive. We can safely afford to keep some of
-our admiration for the children who are inquisitive. Besides, we have
-no business to put the possession of sex on a level with the possession
-of digestive organs. The facts of digestion are merely physiological:
-you can take them or leave them. The facts of sex are not merely
-physiological: and it is perilous, either to take them or to leave them.
-
-Of course, the incurious child is more easy to talk to, more easy
-to get on with, than the inquisitive child; but we can hardly
-wish all boys and girls from 14 to 18 to remain thus childish in
-their knowledge of themselves. I do not believe that what we call
-“innocence” is any sure protection to boys or to girls against impure
-or perverted ways in adolescence. Indeed, I am inclined to believe that
-innocence, or ignorance, may even betray them instead of protecting
-them.
-
-Besides, it is the accepted way of intelligent children to be
-inquisitive: it is their birthright to ask us any amount of questions.
-A child who never asks a question about sex is indeed, so far as that
-goes, a backward child: what we call unobservant. In some ways, this
-non-questioning mind is good for young children; but surely it is
-unnatural that the children should attain to adolescence and still be
-ignorant of what they are.
-
-Whether these incurious children tend to be passionless in early adult
-life, I do not know; nor can I make any guess as to the proportion, in
-adolescence, of temperaments devoid of passion. Only, if they who are
-incurious during childhood do tend to be passionless in later years,
-that is no reason why we should admire them as children. For, in the
-design of our nature, and in the fabric of our nature, there is a
-place, and a very honourable place, for passion held under control. And
-they who have nothing to control are to be congratulated, because they
-are out of the way of temptation; but we admire, even more, those who
-are in the way of temptation and withstand it.
-
-If this be true, or anywhere near true, that a measure of inquisitiveness
-in childhood, and a measure of passion in early adult life, are welcome
-signs of a sane mind in a sane body, such as Juvenal bids us pray for,
-then it follows that we ought to give careful regard to these
-inquisitive children, and wise and honest answers to their embarrassing
-questions.
-
-But we grown-up folk are not agreed, nor ever shall be, what to tell
-them, and when to tell it. We have no set method of talking to children
-about sex, nor of warning older boys and girls against the miseries
-into which it may, if they let it, bring them. Of course, this want of
-agreement is not altogether our fault; we are so divided, because the
-children are so diverse. Their differences of temperament are reflected
-in our different ways of dealing with them. The fact remains, that we
-have no common plan, no authorised programme: and, if ever we do invent
-one, which we never shall, it will not suit all the children. Each of
-us, in this perplexity, judges for himself or herself; there is nothing
-else to be done.
-
-Still, we can be agreed over some points; we can make one or two rules,
-and keep them before us. It is a good rule, surely, that we should
-prepare ourselves and arm ourselves against the shock of a sudden
-question. We must have our answers ready. We must rehearse, we must
-learn almost word for word, as it were by heart, what we will say, when
-the inevitable demand for facts is sprung on us. That is our bounden
-duty, to make up our phrases beforehand, so that we shall not be caught
-unawares. It is not fair to the children that we should give them
-stupid floundering answers, or snub them, or shut them up. They have
-a perfect right to a well thought out answer. That is the meaning of
-what Horace says, that the utmost reverence is due to them. We cannot
-better reverence them than by deciding, long before the question comes,
-how we will handle it. Think for a moment what silly things are said to
-children, all for want of careful self-preparation.
-
-To this good rule we might add another――that we must never tell them a
-lie. We ought not to be liars, not even to small children. Take, for
-instance, one of the best of all opportunities for telling the truth;
-take the arrival of a baby brother or sister. Where did it come from?
-I have no patience with people who say that the angels, or the doctor,
-brought it. There is enough nonsense already talked about my profession
-without that. What business have they to lie to an honest child? Or
-take a more heart-searching instance. Imagine a child at Christmas-time
-playing with that most beautiful of all Christmas toys, a little
-_crêche_, with little figures of Mary and Joseph and the Babe lying in
-a manger; and the child turns round and asks you where Baby Jesus came
-from. What answer will you give? What harm can it do to a child, to
-know that children are born of their mothers? What does harm the minds
-of children is not our plain speaking; it is their own secret reading,
-gossiping, and imagining.
-
-Now let me venture a bit further. In the kingdom of a child’s mind, it
-is not one set of thoughts, but two, which gradually rise to power,
-as the child grows to adult life. Right away from the nursery age,
-these two ideas are important above all others; important alike to
-the child and to us. One is the child’s notions about sex; the other
-is the child’s notions about God. Everything else wavers and shifts;
-we see the children change every scrap of their minds over and over
-again: their likes and their dislikes, their plans and their decisions,
-flourish and perish, and are no more than stages or phases. But these
-two purposes of their curiosity――the desire to know what sex is, and
-the desire to know what God is――these endure, and are more imperative
-with every added year of life.
-
-As the children ask very absurd questions about sex, so they ask very
-absurd questions about God. As we are taken aback, and say foolish
-things to them over the one subject, so we do over the other. As we
-ought to prepare ourselves for the one opportunity, so we ought for the
-other. As we must answer properly about sex, so we must answer properly
-about God. It is bad enough to shut them up over sex; it is worse to
-shut them up over God. They are trying to get at something. They, at
-their end of life, are like Sir John Falstaff at his end of life――you
-remember the account of his death, by the hostess of the Boar’s Head
-Tavern:
-
-    So ’a cried out――God, God, God!――three or four times. Now I,
-    to comfort him, bid him ’a should not think of God; I hoped
-    there was no need to trouble himself with any such thoughts
-    yet.
-
-Whatever we say to the children we must never say that. But who will
-teach us what we ought to say? Perhaps we might make a rule that we
-will try not to play down to their childish notions. On the contrary,
-we will try to tell them that our grown-up notions are hardly less
-childish than theirs. We cannot worship their little graven image,
-but we can confess to them that our own image is a very poor thing.
-They will be glad to hear of the feebleness of our thoughts. We want
-to lead them out of their first position: we want to get them a little
-further on the interminable quest. We shall not do that by accepting
-and adopting their idea of God, using it as an argument or weapon
-against them. But we may perhaps be of use to them, if we explain to
-them that we, even we, are nothing better than babies, when it comes
-to attempting to think of what we really mean by the Divine Name.
-Let us inform them plainly, that the best that we can do for them is
-to conduct them out of the poverty of their minds into the poverty of
-ours. It is possible, also, that we might find it a good rule with
-children, to make less use of the word “God,” and more use of the
-word “the Spirit,” or “the Holy Spirit.” This word “Spirit” is not
-associated in their minds with any bodily shape; it may thus help them,
-as time goes on, to forsake their little graven image.
-
-I do believe that these two ideas――the idea of sex, and the idea
-of God――are of the utmost importance to us in our dealings with
-children and with adolescents. If we are to think of constructing and
-reconstructing human lives as if they were houses, let us have the
-proper materials for it, and let us handle them wisely. These two ideas
-are good materials; they will take any amount of construction and of
-reconstruction, and, if we build as we ought, they will stand the very
-heavy strain which will be put on them. Please forgive me, that I am
-treating my subject on these old-fashioned lines; I did not choose it:
-the authorities chose it for me. They ought to have given it not to
-a mere grandpapa, but to somebody worthy of the unmusical name of an
-educationalist.
-
-In adolescence, in early adult life, there comes a heavy strain on
-these two ideas, and unless we have built as we ought, some portion of
-the edifice will be in danger of falling. The point is, that we must
-somehow manage to build these two ideas together; we must adjust and
-fit them together, giving to each of them its due place in the house
-of life, not opposing but conjoining them to each other, as a builder
-conjoins bricks and mortar. It is a true saying, “The reasonable soul
-and flesh is one man.” Please observe that they not _are_, but _is_,
-one man; they are so closely united that they _is_ one man. It follows,
-that what we call temptation addresses itself not to the flesh alone,
-but also to the reasonable soul. Consider the predicament of a young
-man who up to now has, as we call it, “kept straight.” All round him,
-day after day, newspapers and books and shop windows and theatres,
-and other men’s talk, and the look of the crowd in the streets, are
-alluding to it. His pride is wounded, and the more he tries not to
-think of it, the more it hurts. All young men covet and pursue the
-experiences of life; he is vexed and resentful that he should be thus
-incomplete. He has given up what a young man most hates to give up: he
-has given up something which would make him just like other young men.
-Not only his body, but his reasonable soul, is restless and impatient.
-That which impels him to the edge of temptation is not his animal
-nature but his whole human nature.
-
-Other motives, alike in boys and in girls, are vanity, sentimentality,
-and intolerance, especially in these tremendous days, of the monotonous
-narrowness of their work and the fretful discipline of their homes. And
-there are some boys and girls――happily it is a small minority――who are
-so passionate and so wilful that they hardly stop to reckon what they
-are doing.
-
-Of course, we have some antidotes against temptation. One of them
-is the right employment of mind and body; but the mind must not
-be employed at haphazard, and the body must not be over-fatigued.
-The employment of the mind must have a touch of refinement or
-fastidiousness: things which are lurid and vulgar must be recognised
-for what they are: the boys and girls must be fond of “good form”;
-they must be picksome over books and theatres and picture-palaces and
-friendships. The employment of the body must have a touch of discipline
-or training: outdoor exercise, athletics in moderation, fresh air,
-plain food, cold water. If I could be a little boy again, I would join
-the Boy Scouts; if I could be a young man again, I would get on without
-alcohol and cigarettes.
-
-To these approved antidotes, let me, as a doctor, add a good tonic,
-to steady the nerves of adolescence. I prescribe a full dose of the
-natural sciences. Some people believe in what are called “hobbies” for
-boys and girls. I do not think much of hobbies, if it comes to nothing
-more than photographing or stamp-collecting or carpentering at odd
-moments; but I love to see boys and girls working hard at physics and
-chemistry. It is a grand thing for them: it really does tranquillise
-and strengthen them; I like to believe that it even tends, as it were,
-to reduce their high temperature and their rapid pulse. All other
-employments of the adolescent mind――as Mrs. Tulliver, in _The Mill
-on the Floss_, says of the crowns of bonnets――they are “so chancy:
-never two summers alike.” Books, art, politics, amusements, outward
-observances of religion――all of them are so chancy: all of them are
-open to the criticism of the young people. I remember, ages ago, a
-German professor dining at my father’s house; and in the course of
-the talk some reference was made to St. Paul. “Ah! Paulus,” said the
-Professor, “I have read his works; but I do not agree with Paulus.”
-Science is not like that: there is no chanciness in her: we inevitably
-agree with her. If a chemical test goes wrong, we know that we have
-done it wrong. This eternal certainty gives to physics and chemistry,
-somehow, authority over the vagrant minds of boys and girls; and this
-authority, surely, must help to keep them able to resist temptation.
-
-These antidotes and this tonic are all very well; but the best thing of
-all would be, for all boys and girls, unfailing belief in what we call
-the Spirit of God, or the Presence of God, in their daily affairs. I
-feel sure that there are many of them who are more likely to be kept
-straight by that than by anything else.
-
-And, of course, it is our business to prepare them, with all the
-wisdom and forethought that we can manage to find in ourselves, for
-these dangerous years of early adult life. But we must begin while
-they are children; we must begin with careful answers to their
-ridiculous questions about sex and about God. These two ideas are
-our building-materials: we must work them together, not keep them
-apart, nor oppose them to each other; we must go on, constructing and
-reconstructing them in the growing fabric of the mind, adapting and
-adjusting them to each other: so that the children, when they come to
-adolescence, shall come to it neither ignorant nor helpless.
-
-So many of us hang about the child’s mind, in a timid sort of way,
-hesitating to go in. We look up at the windows, we peep through the
-letter-box, we try the back door, we ring the bell very gently――the
-left-hand bell, which is marked Servants; we dare not ring the
-visitors’ bell, nor ply the knocker. And the child, all the while, is
-expecting us. We wait for opportunities. It is probable, with some
-children, that we ought to make them, not wait for them. I do not
-altogether like the word “initiate”; yet I have in my imagination some
-special day set and appointed for a grave little home-ceremony; the
-whole thing well thought out, the exhortation written down beforehand,
-every word of it. The occasion of telling boys and girls the truth
-about their bodily nature would thus be made solemn and memorable, as
-an act of their lives. I have been reading again that scene in _Tom
-Brown’s Schooldays_, where the Squire gives his parting advice to Tom,
-on the way to Rugby. It is one of the hundred best things in one of the
-hundred best books. Only, all boys and girls are not alike: there is
-need, with some of them, of saying more than the Squire said. Perhaps a
-birthday would afford a good opportunity. And, of course, it ought to
-be done at home: it ought to be done by the child’s parents. Most of
-us here, when we were 14 or 15 years old, were confirmed, and received
-the Holy Communion. It was a little time of quiet self-judgment and
-good resolutions; it really did help us. If I could have my life back,
-I should like to be told about my bodily nature in that devout and
-premeditated way. It ought to be done at home, and my father ought to
-do it, probably on my birthday. Instead of that, it was done by another
-boy, at a preparatory school. I still remember the exact words that we
-used, and I could still find almost the very paving-stone on which I
-was standing.
-
-There are things to be said to children; and there are things to be
-said to older boys and girls going out into the world. I cannot fix
-the right ages for it: no two children are alike. I feel, also, that
-first-rate school teachers are more likely than second-rate parents to
-say the right thing to children. There is a place, doubtless, in school
-teaching, for lessons in botany and in natural history. The trouble is,
-that some of the children may fail to see what you are driving at. You
-can lead them to the very edge of the stream of analogy, but you cannot
-make them drink. They may remain, at the last moment, recalcitrant;
-and you may never get quite so far as to tell them what you were
-intending to tell them.
-
-If it were my duty to inform a boy, between 12 and 14 years old――and
-it certainly is not the business of any man to speak to girls about
-their bodily nature――I would not begin with botany. I would begin with
-mankind. I would tell him that all of us come out of the bodies of our
-mothers: and in that way come all creatures. I would argue from us to
-animals, not from animals to us. Then I would say something about
-the anatomical differences between male and female children: and I
-would tell him that this difference runs through all creation, all the
-distance from us down to plants and flowers. And I would say to him,
-“All creatures are formed in this way, in the bodies of their mothers,
-before they are born: but they cannot begin to be formed, till the male
-and the female have actually come together: and that is all that you
-need to know.” If it were my duty to talk to a young man 18 or 19 years
-old, I would talk to him as to any other man, freely and explicitly; I
-would also warn him of the disastrous bodily results which may follow
-even one act of wrong-doing, and how these results might be visited,
-years hence, on his children. And, of course, whatever the age, I would
-not only lecture, I would also preach. If I am to help a boy to “keep
-straight,” I must appeal from that which is natural in him to that
-which is spiritual in him.
-
-And――so far as adolescence is concerned――if ever there was a time when
-we ought to speak plainly, it is now. Whether we like it or not, the
-old habit of silence has for some years been falling away from us.
-Even before the War, we had begun to talk more freely, and to be less
-offended by plain speaking. The War has made it still harder for us
-to remain silent. We have seen, everywhere, boys and girls, all of a
-sudden, as it were transfigured: the boys turned into men, the girls
-turned into women; courage, obedience, endurance, flaming up in them,
-so that we marvel at them. But we have seen, also, the dark side
-of their life. They have gone ahead so fast, and their eyes are so
-dazzled, that some of them will not stop to read our danger-signals.
-Most of us have some influence over them, some of us have great
-influence. Things already are bad enough, and, in all probability, will
-be worse in the near future. Our influence was not given to us for
-nothing: and if we do not exercise it now, we shall be sorry, too late.
-
-There is one more bit of advice, in these days, which we might give
-to young men. The War seems to make it somehow wrong, that a young
-man, of decent character, in good health and steady work, should
-remain unmarried. He ought to marry, that sons of his may serve their
-country, filling the empty places of the young men who have died for
-their country. Before the War, it was nobody’s business but his own,
-whether a young man were married or single. We observe him now from
-another point of view, with every added month of the War, and every
-casualty-list; we say that he is not doing his duty, if he prefers
-the comfort and the freedom of bachelor-life to the cares of marriage
-and parentage. Let him so live now, in these terrible days, that his
-children shall be born healthy, a blessing alike to him and to his
-country.
-
-Now, to finish with, let me dot the _i_’s and cross the _t_’s of
-this paper. It is likely enough that I have been talking more of
-things as they were in my boyhood than of things as they are now. The
-Victorian Age was in many ways magnificent; but it neither approved
-of inquisitive children, nor enlightened them. For example――one
-of my contemporaries tells me that she was taught botany out of a
-book called _Lindley’s Ladies’ Botany_. In this book, the fact that
-flowers are male and female was carefully left out. She learned this
-fact when she was 18; she gathered it from a sermon in church, and it
-vexed and offended her. We have got past all that sort of nonsense.
-But we are still at sixes and sevens how to tell children about their
-bodily nature. We let them alone, they let us alone; we wait, they
-wait; neither we nor they like to begin. We do not know what they
-are thinking of. But we know this much, that there are two sets of
-thoughts which must, simply must, be growing up together in their
-minds――the idea of sex, and the idea of God. We cannot help them
-without self-preparation; we muddle them, not educate them, on these
-two subjects, unless we have made up our own minds how we will answer
-their questions.
-
-Further, I do believe that some parents might well make a solemn little
-home-ceremony of telling a child about his or her bodily nature; not
-leave it to chance, nor to the unclean talk of schoolfellows; no, nor
-even leave it to the child’s teachers. Father or mother ought to do it.
-And, when the children are grown up, it ought to be done again, with
-clear warning against the dangers which they are going into.
-
-Finally, what they need is not physiology alone, but physiology and
-faith together. There has been a great deal too much science talked
-about adolescence. Too much physiology, pathology, psychology――not
-that psychology really is a science――too much analysis, too many
-statistics. If any of you, as parents or as teachers, do require a
-short science-book, there is Dr. Starr’s _The Adolescent Period_. It
-has its faults. It is unduly apprehensive of some things which are not
-important. It makes too much of those boys and girls who are abnormal.
-Some children are abnormal; and some, but very few, are as it were
-demoniac, to their own misery and the misery of others. These most
-unhappy children have been put under the microscope for us by our kind
-friends the psychologists. But the vast majority of boys and girls are
-normal.
-
-Dr. Starr’s book is not for general reading. Still, for the right sort
-of readers, it is a good and useful book. But what, after all, do we
-want with books? It is the children that we have got to read; not books
-about them, but them. I doubt whether psychologists understand ordinary
-children better than a wise old family nurse understands them. Boys
-and girls are human beings: they were not discovered by science: they
-refuse to be elucidated by science. The way for us to help them is
-not by psychology, but by faith, self-preparation, courage, and common
-sense.
-
-
-
-
-                        _Printed in England by_
-                          Butler and Tanner,
-                          _Frome and London_
-
-
-
-
- Transcriber’s Notes:
-
- ――Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).
-
- ――Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected.
-
- ――Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved.
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-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-<p class="noic"><i>First printed 1917.</i></p>
-</div>
-
-
-
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_5"></a>[5]</span></p>
-
-<p class="cap">This lecture was read to
-Oxford University Extension
-Students, in the Sheldonian
-Theatre, in August, 1917. The
-general subject of the lectures and
-classes was “The Near Future:
-problems of construction and reconstruction.”</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>The Master of University College,
-who presided over the meeting,
-pointed out that I had said nothing
-of the help which is given to young
-men by their sisters. He spoke<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_6"></a>[6]</span>
-of the legions of young men who
-“keep straight” because they keep
-in mind what their sisters are to
-them. I ought to have said something
-of this influence of home-life.</p>
-
-<p>And I ought, perhaps, to have
-defined with more exactness the
-very words which I would use, if
-it were my duty to attempt a boy’s
-“sex-education”—we could hardly
-find an uglier title for it. But I
-was afraid to say more than I did
-say. The great thing is, that the
-parent, or it may be the teacher,
-should be able to tell the child,
-“Do come to me, right away,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_7"></a>[7]</span>
-whenever you are puzzled or
-shocked at anything that you read,
-or hear, or notice: and I will tell
-you, as well as I can, all that you
-need to know about it.” And the
-greatest thing of all is careful self-preparation.
-To answer a child
-with evasive or lying nonsense is
-to offend the child: and we have
-it on good authority that we deserve
-for that offence the millstone
-round our necks, and the depth of
-the sea.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_8"></a>[8]</span></p>
-
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_9"></a>[9]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak" id="Adolescence">ADOLESCENCE</h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class="cap">The honour of coming here
-was embittered by the difficulty
-of deciding what to say and
-how to say it. One of the hardest
-of all subjects, adolescence, was
-given to me: with this added hardship,
-that I was to consider it as
-something which may be reconstructed
-in the near future; or as
-a problem which we may somehow
-solve. It needs more than a man<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_10"></a>[10]</span>
-to understand adolescence: it needs,
-at the very least, a Royal Commission.
-I do not understand, really
-understand, anybody except myself;
-indeed, I do not thoroughly understand
-even me. One thing, to begin
-with, I did know about adolescence.
-I knew that it was a Latin word.
-So I looked it up in the Latin dictionary.
-And there I found to my
-surprise that the ancients were not
-agreed as to the term of adolescence.
-Varro reckons it from the
-15th to the 30th year of life. Cicero
-speaks of Crassus, at 34, as adolescent:
-he even uses the word of<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_11"></a>[11]</span>
-Brutus and Cassius, when they
-were 40; and, what is most unexpected
-of all, he uses it of himself,
-in the year of his Consulship,
-when he was 44. Nothing could
-be more incorrigibly middle-aged
-than Cicero at 44; nothing could
-be more finally settled beyond all
-possibility of unsettlement. We
-cannot discuss adolescence, if it is
-to include persons of that standing.</p>
-
-<p>Shall we therefore put this word
-back in the Latin dictionary, and
-speak not of adolescence but of
-youth? But the word youth hardly<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_12"></a>[12]</span>
-takes into account the bodily
-changes which occur between
-childhood and adult life. We are
-concerned here with the schoolroom
-years, the threshold years,
-say, from 14 to 18. All of us,
-when we think seriously about boys
-and girls from 14 to 18 years old,
-have at the back of our minds the
-thought of sex. And you must
-forgive me, if I use very plain
-words this evening: for I hope and
-believe that you will prefer, from
-a man of my profession, plain
-speaking to roundabout phrases.</p>
-
-<p>My theme is adolescence: I have<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_13"></a>[13]</span>
-no right to talk about small children.
-But how can I help myself?
-Boys and girls begin to be vaguely
-conscious of sex, long before they
-are 14; some of them get into
-unclean habits, or say unclean
-things, when they are nearer to 4
-than they are to 14; indeed, they
-may get into unclean habits before
-they are 4. If we are to understand
-the schoolroom, we must first
-understand the nursery. Children,
-by the time that they are 14, are
-what those 14 years have made
-them, with our assistance, or with
-our neglect.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_14"></a>[14]</span></p>
-
-<p>But, as all of us are well aware,
-no two children are exactly alike
-in this matter. The differences
-between them are finely graduated;
-but the extremes of difference are
-miles apart. Some children are
-wholly incurious about sex; some
-are slightly inquisitive, some are
-very inquisitive, and some, but
-very few, not one in a thousand,
-are downright vicious and obsessed.</p>
-
-<p>We are too ready, it may be, to
-give all our praise to those who
-are wholly incurious; we call them
-healthy-minded, pure-minded, and<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_15"></a>[15]</span>
-so forth. We admire them because
-they take no interest in this
-part of their natural life, just as
-we admire them because they
-take no interest in the working of
-their brains and their digestive
-organs. But there is nothing very
-admirable in this blank indifference
-toward the affairs of the body; it
-is good common sense, but we
-ought to think twice before we
-regard it as a virtue: it is altogether
-negative, and virtues are
-something positive. We can safely
-afford to keep some of our admiration
-for the children who are inquisitive.<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_16"></a>[16]</span>
-Besides, we have no
-business to put the possession of
-sex on a level with the possession
-of digestive organs. The facts of
-digestion are merely physiological:
-you can take them or leave them.
-The facts of sex are not merely
-physiological: and it is perilous,
-either to take them or to leave
-them.</p>
-
-<p>Of course, the incurious child is
-more easy to talk to, more easy
-to get on with, than the inquisitive
-child; but we can hardly wish all
-boys and girls from 14 to 18 to
-remain thus childish in their knowledge<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_17"></a>[17]</span>
-of themselves. I do not believe
-that what we call “innocence”
-is any sure protection to boys or to
-girls against impure or perverted
-ways in adolescence. Indeed, I
-am inclined to believe that innocence,
-or ignorance, may even
-betray them instead of protecting
-them.</p>
-
-<p>Besides, it is the accepted way
-of intelligent children to be inquisitive:
-it is their birthright to ask us
-any amount of questions. A child
-who never asks a question about
-sex is indeed, so far as that goes,
-a backward child: what we call<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_18"></a>[18]</span>
-unobservant. In some ways, this
-non-questioning mind is good for
-young children; but surely it is
-unnatural that the children should
-attain to adolescence and still be
-ignorant of what they are.</p>
-
-<p>Whether these incurious children
-tend to be passionless in early adult
-life, I do not know; nor can I make
-any guess as to the proportion,
-in adolescence, of temperaments
-devoid of passion. Only, if they
-who are incurious during childhood
-do tend to be passionless in later
-years, that is no reason why we
-should admire them as children.<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_19"></a>[19]</span>
-For, in the design of our nature,
-and in the fabric of our nature,
-there is a place, and a very honourable
-place, for passion held under
-control. And they who have nothing
-to control are to be congratulated,
-because they are out of the
-way of temptation; but we admire,
-even more, those who are in the
-way of temptation and withstand
-it.</p>
-
-<p>If this be true, or anywhere near
-true, that a measure of inquisitiveness
-in childhood, and a measure
-of passion in early adult life, are
-welcome signs of a sane mind in a<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_20"></a>[20]</span>
-sane body, such as Juvenal bids us
-pray for, then it follows that we
-ought to give careful regard to
-these inquisitive children, and wise
-and honest answers to their embarrassing
-questions.</p>
-
-<p>But we grown-up folk are not
-agreed, nor ever shall be, what to
-tell them, and when to tell it. We
-have no set method of talking to
-children about sex, nor of warning
-older boys and girls against the
-miseries into which it may, if they
-let it, bring them. Of course, this
-want of agreement is not altogether
-our fault; we are so divided, because<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_21"></a>[21]</span>
-the children are so diverse.
-Their differences of temperament
-are reflected in our different ways
-of dealing with them. The fact
-remains, that we have no common
-plan, no authorised programme:
-and, if ever we do invent one,
-which we never shall, it will not
-suit all the children. Each of us,
-in this perplexity, judges for himself
-or herself; there is nothing
-else to be done.</p>
-
-<p>Still, we can be agreed over
-some points; we can make one or
-two rules, and keep them before
-us. It is a good rule, surely, that<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_22"></a>[22]</span>
-we should prepare ourselves and
-arm ourselves against the shock
-of a sudden question. We must
-have our answers ready. We must
-rehearse, we must learn almost
-word for word, as it were by heart,
-what we will say, when the inevitable
-demand for facts is sprung
-on us. That is our bounden
-duty, to make up our phrases beforehand,
-so that we shall not be
-caught unawares. It is not fair to
-the children that we should give
-them stupid floundering answers,
-or snub them, or shut them up.
-They have a perfect right to a<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_23"></a>[23]</span>
-well thought out answer. That is
-the meaning of what Horace says,
-that the utmost reverence is due
-to them. We cannot better reverence
-them than by deciding, long
-before the question comes, how
-we will handle it. Think for a
-moment what silly things are said
-to children, all for want of careful
-self-preparation.</p>
-
-<p>To this good rule we might add
-another—that we must never tell
-them a lie. We ought not to be
-liars, not even to small children.
-Take, for instance, one of the best
-of all opportunities for telling the<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_24"></a>[24]</span>
-truth; take the arrival of a baby
-brother or sister. Where did it
-come from? I have no patience
-with people who say that the angels,
-or the doctor, brought it. There
-is enough nonsense already talked
-about my profession without that.
-What business have they to lie to
-an honest child? Or take a more
-heart-searching instance. Imagine
-a child at Christmas-time playing
-with that most beautiful of all
-Christmas toys, a little <i>crêche</i>, with
-little figures of Mary and Joseph
-and the Babe lying in a manger;
-and the child turns round and asks<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_25"></a>[25]</span>
-you where Baby Jesus came from.
-What answer will you give? What
-harm can it do to a child, to know
-that children are born of their
-mothers? What does harm the
-minds of children is not our plain
-speaking; it is their own secret
-reading, gossiping, and imagining.</p>
-
-<p>Now let me venture a bit further.
-In the kingdom of a child’s mind,
-it is not one set of thoughts, but
-two, which gradually rise to power,
-as the child grows to adult life.
-Right away from the nursery age,
-these two ideas are important
-above all others; important alike<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_26"></a>[26]</span>
-to the child and to us. One is the
-child’s notions about sex; the other
-is the child’s notions about God.
-Everything else wavers and shifts;
-we see the children change every
-scrap of their minds over and over
-again: their likes and their dislikes,
-their plans and their decisions,
-flourish and perish, and are no
-more than stages or phases. But
-these two purposes of their curiosity—the
-desire to know what
-sex is, and the desire to know
-what God is—these endure, and
-are more imperative with every
-added year of life.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_27"></a>[27]</span></p>
-
-<p>As the children ask very absurd
-questions about sex, so they ask
-very absurd questions about God.
-As we are taken aback, and say
-foolish things to them over the one
-subject, so we do over the other.
-As we ought to prepare ourselves
-for the one opportunity, so we
-ought for the other. As we must
-answer properly about sex, so we
-must answer properly about God.
-It is bad enough to shut them up
-over sex; it is worse to shut them
-up over God. They are trying to
-get at something. They, at their
-end of life, are like Sir John Falstaff<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_28"></a>[28]</span>
-at his end of life—you remember
-the account of his death, by the
-hostess of the Boar’s Head Tavern:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-
-<p>So ’a cried out—God, God, God!—three
-or four times. Now I, to comfort him, bid
-him ’a should not think of God; I hoped
-there was no need to trouble himself with
-any such thoughts yet.</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>Whatever we say to the children
-we must never say that. But who
-will teach us what we ought to say?
-Perhaps we might make a rule
-that we will try not to play down
-to their childish notions. On the
-contrary, we will try to tell them
-that our grown-up notions are
-hardly less childish than theirs.<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_29"></a>[29]</span>
-We cannot worship their little
-graven image, but we can confess
-to them that our own image is a
-very poor thing. They will be glad
-to hear of the feebleness of our
-thoughts. We want to lead them
-out of their first position: we want
-to get them a little further on the
-interminable quest. We shall not
-do that by accepting and adopting
-their idea of God, using it as an
-argument or weapon against them.
-But we may perhaps be of use to
-them, if we explain to them that
-we, even we, are nothing better
-than babies, when it comes to attempting<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_30"></a>[30]</span>
-to think of what we really
-mean by the Divine Name. Let us
-inform them plainly, that the best
-that we can do for them is to conduct
-them out of the poverty of
-their minds into the poverty of ours.
-It is possible, also, that we might
-find it a good rule with children, to
-make less use of the word “God,”
-and more use of the word “the
-Spirit,” or “the Holy Spirit.” This
-word “Spirit” is not associated in
-their minds with any bodily shape;
-it may thus help them, as time goes
-on, to forsake their little graven
-image.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_31"></a>[31]</span></p>
-
-<p>I do believe that these two ideas—the
-idea of sex, and the idea of
-God—are of the utmost importance
-to us in our dealings with children
-and with adolescents. If we are
-to think of constructing and reconstructing
-human lives as if they
-were houses, let us have the proper
-materials for it, and let us handle
-them wisely. These two ideas are
-good materials; they will take any
-amount of construction and of reconstruction,
-and, if we build as we
-ought, they will stand the very
-heavy strain which will be put on
-them. Please forgive me, that I<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_32"></a>[32]</span>
-am treating my subject on these
-old-fashioned lines; I did not choose
-it: the authorities chose it for me.
-They ought to have given it not to
-a mere grandpapa, but to somebody
-worthy of the unmusical name
-of an educationalist.</p>
-
-<p>In adolescence, in early adult
-life, there comes a heavy strain on
-these two ideas, and unless we
-have built as we ought, some portion
-of the edifice will be in danger
-of falling. The point is, that we
-must somehow manage to build
-these two ideas together; we must
-adjust and fit them together, giving<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_33"></a>[33]</span>
-to each of them its due place in
-the house of life, not opposing but
-conjoining them to each other, as
-a builder conjoins bricks and mortar.
-It is a true saying, “The reasonable
-soul and flesh is one man.”
-Please observe that they not <em>are</em>,
-but <em>is</em>, one man; they are so closely
-united that they <em>is</em> one man. It
-follows, that what we call temptation
-addresses itself not to the flesh
-alone, but also to the reasonable
-soul. Consider the predicament of
-a young man who up to now has,
-as we call it, “kept straight.” All
-round him, day after day, newspapers<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_34"></a>[34]</span>
-and books and shop windows
-and theatres, and other men’s talk,
-and the look of the crowd in the
-streets, are alluding to it. His
-pride is wounded, and the more
-he tries not to think of it, the more
-it hurts. All young men covet and
-pursue the experiences of life; he
-is vexed and resentful that he
-should be thus incomplete. He
-has given up what a young man
-most hates to give up: he has given
-up something which would make
-him just like other young men.
-Not only his body, but his reasonable
-soul, is restless and impatient.<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_35"></a>[35]</span>
-That which impels him to the edge
-of temptation is not his animal
-nature but his whole human nature.</p>
-
-<p>Other motives, alike in boys and
-in girls, are vanity, sentimentality,
-and intolerance, especially in these
-tremendous days, of the monotonous
-narrowness of their work and
-the fretful discipline of their homes.
-And there are some boys and girls—happily
-it is a small minority—who
-are so passionate and so
-wilful that they hardly stop to
-reckon what they are doing.</p>
-
-<p>Of course, we have some antidotes
-against temptation. One of<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_36"></a>[36]</span>
-them is the right employment of
-mind and body; but the mind must
-not be employed at haphazard, and
-the body must not be over-fatigued.
-The employment of the mind must
-have a touch of refinement or fastidiousness:
-things which are lurid
-and vulgar must be recognised for
-what they are: the boys and girls
-must be fond of “good form”;
-they must be picksome over books
-and theatres and picture-palaces
-and friendships. The employment
-of the body must have a touch
-of discipline or training: outdoor
-exercise, athletics in moderation,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_37"></a>[37]</span>
-fresh air, plain food, cold water.
-If I could be a little boy again, I
-would join the Boy Scouts; if I
-could be a young man again, I
-would get on without alcohol and
-cigarettes.</p>
-
-<p>To these approved antidotes, let
-me, as a doctor, add a good tonic,
-to steady the nerves of adolescence.
-I prescribe a full dose of
-the natural sciences. Some people
-believe in what are called “hobbies”
-for boys and girls. I do
-not think much of hobbies, if it
-comes to nothing more than photographing
-or stamp-collecting or<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_38"></a>[38]</span>
-carpentering at odd moments; but
-I love to see boys and girls working
-hard at physics and chemistry.
-It is a grand thing for them:
-it really does tranquillise and
-strengthen them; I like to believe
-that it even tends, as it were, to
-reduce their high temperature and
-their rapid pulse. All other employments
-of the adolescent mind—as
-Mrs. Tulliver, in <cite>The Mill on
-the Floss</cite>, says of the crowns of
-bonnets—they are “so chancy:
-never two summers alike.” Books,
-art, politics, amusements, outward
-observances of religion—all of<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_39"></a>[39]</span>
-them are so chancy: all of them
-are open to the criticism of the
-young people. I remember, ages
-ago, a German professor dining at
-my father’s house; and in the
-course of the talk some reference
-was made to St. Paul. “Ah!
-Paulus,” said the Professor, “I
-have read his works; but I do not
-agree with Paulus.” Science is not
-like that: there is no chanciness in
-her: we inevitably agree with her.
-If a chemical test goes wrong, we
-know that we have done it wrong.
-This eternal certainty gives to
-physics and chemistry, somehow,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_40"></a>[40]</span>
-authority over the vagrant minds
-of boys and girls; and this
-authority, surely, must help to
-keep them able to resist temptation.</p>
-
-<p>These antidotes and this tonic
-are all very well; but the best thing
-of all would be, for all boys and
-girls, unfailing belief in what we
-call the Spirit of God, or the
-Presence of God, in their daily
-affairs. I feel sure that there are
-many of them who are more likely
-to be kept straight by that than
-by anything else.</p>
-
-<p>And, of course, it is our business<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_41"></a>[41]</span>
-to prepare them, with all the wisdom
-and forethought that we can
-manage to find in ourselves, for
-these dangerous years of early
-adult life. But we must begin
-while they are children; we must
-begin with careful answers to their
-ridiculous questions about sex and
-about God. These two ideas are
-our building-materials: we must
-work them together, not keep
-them apart, nor oppose them
-to each other; we must go on,
-constructing and reconstructing
-them in the growing fabric of the
-mind, adapting and adjusting them<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_42"></a>[42]</span>
-to each other: so that the children,
-when they come to adolescence,
-shall come to it neither
-ignorant nor helpless.</p>
-
-<p>So many of us hang about the
-child’s mind, in a timid sort of
-way, hesitating to go in. We look
-up at the windows, we peep
-through the letter-box, we try the
-back door, we ring the bell very
-gently—the left-hand bell, which
-is marked Servants; we dare not
-ring the visitors’ bell, nor ply the
-knocker. And the child, all the
-while, is expecting us. We wait
-for opportunities. It is probable,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_43"></a>[43]</span>
-with some children, that we ought
-to make them, not wait for them.
-I do not altogether like the word
-“initiate”; yet I have in my
-imagination some special day set
-and appointed for a grave little
-home-ceremony; the whole thing
-well thought out, the exhortation
-written down beforehand, every
-word of it. The occasion of telling
-boys and girls the truth about their
-bodily nature would thus be made
-solemn and memorable, as an act
-of their lives. I have been reading
-again that scene in <cite>Tom Brown’s
-Schooldays</cite>, where the Squire gives<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_44"></a>[44]</span>
-his parting advice to Tom, on the
-way to Rugby. It is one of the
-hundred best things in one of the
-hundred best books. Only, all
-boys and girls are not alike: there
-is need, with some of them, of
-saying more than the Squire said.
-Perhaps a birthday would afford a
-good opportunity. And, of course,
-it ought to be done at home: it
-ought to be done by the child’s
-parents. Most of us here, when
-we were 14 or 15 years old, were
-confirmed, and received the Holy
-Communion. It was a little time
-of quiet self-judgment and good<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_45"></a>[45]</span>
-resolutions; it really did help us.
-If I could have my life back, I
-should like to be told about my
-bodily nature in that devout and
-premeditated way. It ought to be
-done at home, and my father
-ought to do it, probably on my
-birthday. Instead of that, it was
-done by another boy, at a preparatory
-school. I still remember
-the exact words that we used, and
-I could still find almost the very
-paving-stone on which I was
-standing.</p>
-
-<p>There are things to be said to
-children; and there are things to<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_46"></a>[46]</span>
-be said to older boys and girls
-going out into the world. I cannot
-fix the right ages for it: no two
-children are alike. I feel, also, that
-first-rate school teachers are more
-likely than second-rate parents to
-say the right thing to children.
-There is a place, doubtless, in
-school teaching, for lessons in
-botany and in natural history. The
-trouble is, that some of the children
-may fail to see what you
-are driving at. You can lead
-them to the very edge of the
-stream of analogy, but you cannot
-make them drink. They may remain,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_47"></a>[47]</span>
-at the last moment, recalcitrant;
-and you may never get
-quite so far as to tell them what
-you were intending to tell them.</p>
-
-<p>If it were my duty to inform a
-boy, between 12 and 14 years old—and
-it certainly is not the business
-of any man to speak to girls about
-their bodily nature—I would not
-begin with botany. I would begin
-with mankind. I would tell him
-that all of us come out of the
-bodies of our mothers: and in
-that way come all creatures. I
-would argue from us to animals,
-not from animals to us. Then I<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_48"></a>[48]</span>
-would say something about the
-anatomical differences between
-male and female children: and I
-would tell him that this difference
-runs through all creation, all the
-distance from us down to plants
-and flowers. And I would say to
-him, “All creatures are formed in
-this way, in the bodies of their
-mothers, before they are born: but
-they cannot begin to be formed,
-till the male and the female have
-actually come together: and that is
-all that you need to know.” If it
-were my duty to talk to a young
-man 18 or 19 years old, I would<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_49"></a>[49]</span>
-talk to him as to any other man,
-freely and explicitly; I would also
-warn him of the disastrous bodily
-results which may follow even one
-act of wrong-doing, and how these
-results might be visited, years
-hence, on his children. And, of
-course, whatever the age, I would
-not only lecture, I would also
-preach. If I am to help a boy to
-“keep straight,” I must appeal
-from that which is natural in him
-to that which is spiritual in him.</p>
-
-<p>And—so far as adolescence is
-concerned—if ever there was a
-time when we ought to speak<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_50"></a>[50]</span>
-plainly, it is now. Whether we
-like it or not, the old habit of
-silence has for some years been
-falling away from us. Even before
-the War, we had begun to talk
-more freely, and to be less offended
-by plain speaking. The War has
-made it still harder for us to remain
-silent. We have seen, everywhere,
-boys and girls, all of a sudden,
-as it were transfigured: the boys
-turned into men, the girls turned
-into women; courage, obedience,
-endurance, flaming up in them, so
-that we marvel at them. But we
-have seen, also, the dark side of<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_51"></a>[51]</span>
-their life. They have gone ahead
-so fast, and their eyes are so
-dazzled, that some of them will
-not stop to read our danger-signals.
-Most of us have some influence
-over them, some of us have great
-influence. Things already are bad
-enough, and, in all probability, will
-be worse in the near future. Our
-influence was not given to us for
-nothing: and if we do not exercise
-it now, we shall be sorry, too
-late.</p>
-
-<p>There is one more bit of advice,
-in these days, which we might
-give to young men. The War<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_52"></a>[52]</span>
-seems to make it somehow wrong,
-that a young man, of decent character,
-in good health and steady
-work, should remain unmarried.
-He ought to marry, that sons of
-his may serve their country, filling
-the empty places of the young
-men who have died for their
-country. Before the War, it was
-nobody’s business but his own,
-whether a young man were
-married or single. We observe
-him now from another point of
-view, with every added month of
-the War, and every casualty-list;
-we say that he is not doing his<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_53"></a>[53]</span>
-duty, if he prefers the comfort and
-the freedom of bachelor-life to the
-cares of marriage and parentage.
-Let him so live now, in these
-terrible days, that his children
-shall be born healthy, a blessing
-alike to him and to his country.</p>
-
-<p>Now, to finish with, let me dot
-the <em>i</em>’s and cross the <em>t</em>’s of this
-paper. It is likely enough that
-I have been talking more of things
-as they were in my boyhood than
-of things as they are now. The
-Victorian Age was in many ways
-magnificent; but it neither approved
-of inquisitive children, nor enlightened<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_54"></a>[54]</span>
-them. For example—one
-of my contemporaries tells me
-that she was taught botany out of a
-book called <cite>Lindley’s Ladies’ Botany</cite>.
-In this book, the fact that flowers
-are male and female was carefully
-left out. She learned this fact
-when she was 18; she gathered it
-from a sermon in church, and it
-vexed and offended her. We have
-got past all that sort of nonsense.
-But we are still at sixes and sevens
-how to tell children about their
-bodily nature. We let them alone,
-they let us alone; we wait, they
-wait; neither we nor they like to<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_55"></a>[55]</span>
-begin. We do not know what they
-are thinking of. But we know this
-much, that there are two sets of
-thoughts which must, simply must,
-be growing up together in their
-minds—the idea of sex, and the
-idea of God. We cannot help
-them without self-preparation; we
-muddle them, not educate them, on
-these two subjects, unless we have
-made up our own minds how we
-will answer their questions.</p>
-
-<p>Further, I do believe that some
-parents might well make a solemn
-little home-ceremony of telling a
-child about his or her bodily nature;<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_56"></a>[56]</span>
-not leave it to chance, nor to the
-unclean talk of schoolfellows; no,
-nor even leave it to the child’s
-teachers. Father or mother ought
-to do it. And, when the children
-are grown up, it ought to be done
-again, with clear warning against
-the dangers which they are going
-into.</p>
-
-<p>Finally, what they need is not
-physiology alone, but physiology and
-faith together. There has been a
-great deal too much science talked
-about adolescence. Too much
-physiology, pathology, psychology—not
-that psychology really is a<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_57"></a>[57]</span>
-science—too much analysis, too
-many statistics. If any of you, as
-parents or as teachers, do require a
-short science-book, there is Dr.
-Starr’s <cite>The Adolescent Period</cite>. It
-has its faults. It is unduly apprehensive
-of some things which are
-not important. It makes too much
-of those boys and girls who are
-abnormal. Some children are abnormal;
-and some, but very few,
-are as it were demoniac, to their
-own misery and the misery of
-others. These most unhappy children
-have been put under the
-microscope for us by our kind<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_58"></a>[58]</span>
-friends the psychologists. But the
-vast majority of boys and girls are
-normal.</p>
-
-<p>Dr. Starr’s book is not for
-general reading. Still, for the
-right sort of readers, it is a good
-and useful book. But what, after
-all, do we want with books? It is
-the children that we have got to
-read; not books about them, but
-them. I doubt whether psychologists
-understand ordinary children
-better than a wise old family nurse
-understands them. Boys and girls
-are human beings: they were not
-discovered by science: they refuse<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_59"></a>[59]</span>
-to be elucidated by science. The
-way for us to help them is not by
-psychology, but by faith, self-preparation,
-courage, and common
-sense.</p>
-
-
-
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p class="noic"><i>Printed in England by</i><br />
-<span class="publisher">Butler and Tanner,</span><br />
-<i>Frome and London</i></p>
-</div>
-
-
-
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-<div class="tnote">
-<p class="noi tntitle">Transcriber’s Notes:</p>
-
-<p class="smfont">Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected.</p>
-
-<p class="smfont">Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved.</p>
-</div>
-
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