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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Stilled Patter, by James E. Gunn
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: The Stilled Patter
-
-Author: James E. Gunn
-
-Release Date: February 24, 2022 [eBook #67487]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed
-             Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***
-
-
-
-
-
-                          The Stilled Patter
-
-                           By JAMES E. GUNN
-
-                        Illustrated by STALLMAN
-
-                   _The age-old battle of the sexes
-                   may yet be the deadliest of all!_
-
-           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
-                 Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.
-         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
-         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-George Washington was the father of his country.
-
-I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
-of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
-fact, no more anybody.
-
-This is the end of the world.
-
-It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
-solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
-of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
-writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
-conspiracy.
-
-I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
-the truth. How it was used was not my concern.
-
-But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
-me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
-guilt.
-
-Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
-know that it will never be read.
-
-The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
-shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
-of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
-will never be born.
-
-But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
-return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.
-
-I will begin again.
-
-My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
-The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
-another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
-into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
-but those areas are still crowded and deadly.
-
-Someone would recognize me.
-
-I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
-supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
-without extra foraging.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
-second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.
-
-It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
-accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
-the father of two children that it happened.
-
-Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
-subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
-the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
-child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
-advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
-illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.
-
-They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
-afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
-for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
-always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
-mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
-vested interests.
-
-I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
-not been slow, would be a father?
-
-The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
-information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
-that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.
-
-I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
-before I convinced myself.
-
-A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time--two can't
-take any more."
-
-The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
-If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?
-
-Answer: somebody else did it.
-
-Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
-nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
-poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.
-
-Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.
-
-I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
-men and women.
-
-I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all--if
-you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
-was perfectly valid.
-
-The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
-hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
-into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
-total disability.
-
-The latter was hard to prove.
-
-But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
-second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.
-
-I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
-to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
-fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.
-
-"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"
-
-And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?
-
-The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
-the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
-worse during their second pregnancies.[1] At this time life became
-almost unbearable for them--and it was, as a consequence, completely
-unbearable for their husbands.
-
-    [Footnote 1: Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
-    average American family: 1.6 children.--W. M.]
-
-Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
-proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
-felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
-wife and I didn't know this.
-
-I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
-know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: _Is there a
-subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
-out?_
-
-It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
-memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
-If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
-another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
-blur.
-
-If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
-lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
-and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
-things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
-will ever need.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
-Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
-early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
-fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."
-
-The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
-"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
-there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.
-
-In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that--try as you
-would--you would have an "occasional" baby.
-
-We did. We had two of them.
-
-The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
-said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."
-
-That is a re-statement of the quotation above.
-
-I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
-took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
-would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.
-
-A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
-early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:
-
-    _Baby wakes up (being hungry)._
-
-    _Baby gets fed (all he can hold)._
-
-    _Baby is sleepy (being fed)._
-
-    _Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy)._
-
-    _Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full)._
-
-I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
-else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.
-
-I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
-fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
-everything else the pediatricians prescribed?
-
-Hoist by their own petards!
-
-The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
-one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."[2]
-
-    [Footnote 2: Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made
-    gas bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.--W. M.]
-
-Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?
-
-Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them--my kind for
-instance--cried very hard. And children--even pipe-dream children--woke
-up hungry.
-
-Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
-minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
-anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
-teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
-substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.
-
-For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
-baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
-frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....
-
-I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
-America! At least I have saved the world that.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
-man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
-They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
-You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.
-
-It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
-discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.
-
-Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
-children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
-published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.
-
-Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
-books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
-the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
-proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
-parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
-discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
-would disappear.
-
-There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
-and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
-reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
-whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
-friends.
-
-The word raced around the world.
-
-It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
-simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
-plant named _Lithospermum ruderale_. For the first time, a
-contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient--and 100% effective in
-reducing _male_ fertility.
-
-Birth control was in the hands of the men.
-
-Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
-over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
-article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
-out hiding places in the heels of shoes....
-
-Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
-depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
-sick or well.
-
-The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
-then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
-years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
-doors.
-
-It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
-clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
-hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
-broke....
-
-By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.
-
-By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
-deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
-civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.
-
-People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
-packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.
-
-Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
-be doomed.
-
-I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
-to know that society--that human life itself--was founded on a basic
-deception?
-
-I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.
-
-    _Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
-    a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
-    interest, but chiefly for your amusement._
-
-    _Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
-    cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
-    before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
-    that._
-
-    _As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
-    sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal.
-    Our readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in
-    service._
-
-    _Never underestimate the power of a woman._
-
-                                                      --_Wilma Masters_
-
-*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***
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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67487 ***
+
+                          The Stilled Patter
+
+                           By JAMES E. GUNN
+
+                        Illustrated by STALLMAN
+
+                   _The age-old battle of the sexes
+                   may yet be the deadliest of all!_
+
+           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
+                 Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.
+         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
+         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
+
+
+George Washington was the father of his country.
+
+I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
+of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
+fact, no more anybody.
+
+This is the end of the world.
+
+It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
+solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
+of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
+writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
+conspiracy.
+
+I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
+the truth. How it was used was not my concern.
+
+But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
+me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
+guilt.
+
+Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
+know that it will never be read.
+
+The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
+shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
+of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
+will never be born.
+
+But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
+return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.
+
+I will begin again.
+
+My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
+The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
+another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
+into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
+but those areas are still crowded and deadly.
+
+Someone would recognize me.
+
+I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
+supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
+without extra foraging.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
+second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.
+
+It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
+accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
+the father of two children that it happened.
+
+Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
+subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
+the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
+child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
+advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
+illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.
+
+They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
+afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
+for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
+always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
+mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
+vested interests.
+
+I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
+not been slow, would be a father?
+
+The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
+information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
+that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.
+
+I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
+before I convinced myself.
+
+A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time--two can't
+take any more."
+
+The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
+If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?
+
+Answer: somebody else did it.
+
+Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
+nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
+poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.
+
+Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.
+
+I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
+men and women.
+
+I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all--if
+you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
+was perfectly valid.
+
+The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
+hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
+into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
+total disability.
+
+The latter was hard to prove.
+
+But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
+second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.
+
+I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
+to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
+fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.
+
+"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"
+
+And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?
+
+The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
+the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
+worse during their second pregnancies.[1] At this time life became
+almost unbearable for them--and it was, as a consequence, completely
+unbearable for their husbands.
+
+    [Footnote 1: Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
+    average American family: 1.6 children.--W. M.]
+
+Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
+proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
+felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
+wife and I didn't know this.
+
+I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
+know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: _Is there a
+subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
+out?_
+
+It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
+memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
+If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
+another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
+blur.
+
+If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
+lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
+and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
+things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
+will ever need.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
+Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
+early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
+fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."
+
+The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
+"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
+there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.
+
+In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that--try as you
+would--you would have an "occasional" baby.
+
+We did. We had two of them.
+
+The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
+said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."
+
+That is a re-statement of the quotation above.
+
+I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
+took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
+would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.
+
+A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
+early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:
+
+    _Baby wakes up (being hungry)._
+
+    _Baby gets fed (all he can hold)._
+
+    _Baby is sleepy (being fed)._
+
+    _Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy)._
+
+    _Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full)._
+
+I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
+else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.
+
+I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
+fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
+everything else the pediatricians prescribed?
+
+Hoist by their own petards!
+
+The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
+one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."[2]
+
+    [Footnote 2: Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made
+    gas bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.--W. M.]
+
+Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?
+
+Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them--my kind for
+instance--cried very hard. And children--even pipe-dream children--woke
+up hungry.
+
+Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
+minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
+anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
+teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
+substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.
+
+For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
+baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
+frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....
+
+I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
+America! At least I have saved the world that.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
+man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
+They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
+You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.
+
+It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
+discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.
+
+Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
+children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
+published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.
+
+Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
+books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
+the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
+proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
+parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
+discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
+would disappear.
+
+There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
+and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
+reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
+whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
+friends.
+
+The word raced around the world.
+
+It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
+simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
+plant named _Lithospermum ruderale_. For the first time, a
+contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient--and 100% effective in
+reducing _male_ fertility.
+
+Birth control was in the hands of the men.
+
+Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
+over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
+article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
+out hiding places in the heels of shoes....
+
+Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
+depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
+sick or well.
+
+The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
+then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
+years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
+doors.
+
+It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
+clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
+hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
+broke....
+
+By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.
+
+By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
+deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
+civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.
+
+People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
+packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.
+
+Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
+be doomed.
+
+I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
+to know that society--that human life itself--was founded on a basic
+deception?
+
+I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.
+
+    _Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
+    a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
+    interest, but chiefly for your amusement._
+
+    _Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
+    cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
+    before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
+    that._
+
+    _As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
+    sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal.
+    Our readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in
+    service._
+
+    _Never underestimate the power of a woman._
+
+                                                      --_Wilma Masters_
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67487 ***
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-<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Stilled Patter, by James E. Gunn</p>
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
-at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
-are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
-country where you are located before using this eBook.
-</div>
-
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Stilled Patter</p>
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: James E. Gunn</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: February 24, 2022 [eBook #67487]</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p>
-  <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</p>
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***</div>
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>The Stilled Patter</h1>
-
-<h2>By JAMES E. GUNN</h2>
-
-<p>Illustrated by STALLMAN</p>
-
-<p><i>The age-old battle of the sexes<br />
-may yet be the deadliest of all!</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-  <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>George Washington was the father of his country.</p>
-
-<p>I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
-of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
-fact, no more anybody.</p>
-
-<p>This is the end of the world.</p>
-
-<p>It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
-solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
-of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
-writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
-conspiracy.</p>
-
-<p>I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
-the truth. How it was used was not my concern.</p>
-
-<p>But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
-me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
-guilt.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
-know that it will never be read.</p>
-
-<p>The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
-shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
-of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
-will never be born.</p>
-
-<p>But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
-return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.</p>
-
-<p>I will begin again.</p>
-
-<p>My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
-The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
-another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
-into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
-but those areas are still crowded and deadly.</p>
-
-<p>Someone would recognize me.</p>
-
-<p>I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
-supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
-without extra foraging.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
-second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.</p>
-
-<p>It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
-accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
-the father of two children that it happened.</p>
-
-<p>Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
-subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
-the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
-child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
-advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
-illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.</p>
-
-<p>They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
-afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
-for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
-always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
-mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
-vested interests.</p>
-
-<p>I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
-not been slow, would be a father?</p>
-
-<p>The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
-information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
-that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.</p>
-
-<p>I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
-before I convinced myself.</p>
-
-<p>A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time&mdash;two can't
-take any more."</p>
-
-<p>The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
-If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?</p>
-
-<p>Answer: somebody else did it.</p>
-
-<p>Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
-nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
-poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.</p>
-
-<p>Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.</p>
-
-<p>I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
-men and women.</p>
-
-<p>I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all&mdash;if
-you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
-was perfectly valid.</p>
-
-<p>The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
-hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
-into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
-total disability.</p>
-
-<p>The latter was hard to prove.</p>
-
-<p>But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
-second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.</p>
-
-<p>I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
-to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
-fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.</p>
-
-<p>"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"</p>
-
-<p>And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?</p>
-
-<p>The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
-the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
-worse during their second pregnancies.<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> At this time life became
-almost unbearable for them&mdash;and it was, as a consequence, completely
-unbearable for their husbands.</p>
-
-<p>Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
-proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
-felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
-wife and I didn't know this.</p>
-
-<p>I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
-know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: <i>Is there a
-subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
-out?</i></p>
-
-<p>It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
-memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
-If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
-another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
-blur.</p>
-
-<p>If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
-lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
-and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
-things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
-will ever need.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
-Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
-early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
-fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."</p>
-
-<p>The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
-"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
-there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.</p>
-
-<p>In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that&mdash;try as you
-would&mdash;you would have an "occasional" baby.</p>
-
-<p>We did. We had two of them.</p>
-
-<p>The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
-said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."</p>
-
-<p>That is a re-statement of the quotation above.</p>
-
-<p>I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
-took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
-would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.</p>
-
-<p>A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
-early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p><i>Baby wakes up (being hungry).</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Baby gets fed (all he can hold).</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Baby is sleepy (being fed).</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy).</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full).</i></p></div>
-
-<p>I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
-else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.</p>
-
-<p>I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
-fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
-everything else the pediatricians prescribed?</p>
-
-<p>Hoist by their own petards!</p>
-
-<p>The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
-one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a></p>
-
-<p>Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?</p>
-
-<p>Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them&mdash;my kind for
-instance&mdash;cried very hard. And children&mdash;even pipe-dream children&mdash;woke
-up hungry.</p>
-
-<p>Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
-minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
-anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
-teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
-substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.</p>
-
-<p>For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
-baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
-frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....</p>
-
-<p>I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
-America! At least I have saved the world that.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
-man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
-They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
-You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.</p>
-
-<p>It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
-discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.</p>
-
-<p>Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
-children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
-published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.</p>
-
-<p>Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
-books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
-the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
-proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
-parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
-discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
-would disappear.</p>
-
-<p>There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
-and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
-reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
-whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
-friends.</p>
-
-<p>The word raced around the world.</p>
-
-<p>It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
-simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
-plant named <i>Lithospermum ruderale</i>. For the first time, a
-contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient&mdash;and 100% effective in
-reducing <i>male</i> fertility.</p>
-
-<p>Birth control was in the hands of the men.</p>
-
-<p>Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
-over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
-article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
-out hiding places in the heels of shoes....</p>
-
-<p>Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
-depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
-sick or well.</p>
-
-<p>The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
-then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
-years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
-doors.</p>
-
-<p>It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
-clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
-hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
-broke....</p>
-
-<p>By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.</p>
-
-<p>By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
-deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
-civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.</p>
-
-<p>People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
-packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.</p>
-
-<p>Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
-be doomed.</p>
-
-<p>I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
-to know that society&mdash;that human life itself&mdash;was founded on a basic
-deception?</p>
-
-<p>I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p><i>Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
-a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
-interest, but chiefly for your amusement.</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
-cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
-before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
-that.</i></p>
-
-<p><i>As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
-sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal. Our
-readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in service.</i></p>
-
-<p><i>Never underestimate the power of a woman.</i></p>
-
-<p class="ph1">&mdash;<i>Wilma Masters</i></p></div>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<div class="footnote">
-<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
-average American family: 1.6 children.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
-
-<div class="footnote">
-<p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made gas
-bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
-
-
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+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67487 ***</div>
+
+<div class="titlepage">
+
+<h1>The Stilled Patter</h1>
+
+<h2>By JAMES E. GUNN</h2>
+
+<p>Illustrated by STALLMAN</p>
+
+<p><i>The age-old battle of the sexes<br />
+may yet be the deadliest of all!</i></p>
+
+<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
+Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.<br />
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
+the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<div class="figcenter">
+  <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p>George Washington was the father of his country.</p>
+
+<p>I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
+of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
+fact, no more anybody.</p>
+
+<p>This is the end of the world.</p>
+
+<p>It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
+solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
+of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
+writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
+conspiracy.</p>
+
+<p>I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
+the truth. How it was used was not my concern.</p>
+
+<p>But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
+me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
+guilt.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
+know that it will never be read.</p>
+
+<p>The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
+shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
+of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
+will never be born.</p>
+
+<p>But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
+return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.</p>
+
+<p>I will begin again.</p>
+
+<p>My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
+The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
+another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
+into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
+but those areas are still crowded and deadly.</p>
+
+<p>Someone would recognize me.</p>
+
+<p>I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
+supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
+without extra foraging.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
+second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.</p>
+
+<p>It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
+accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
+the father of two children that it happened.</p>
+
+<p>Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
+subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
+the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
+child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
+advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
+illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.</p>
+
+<p>They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
+afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
+for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
+always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
+mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
+vested interests.</p>
+
+<p>I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
+not been slow, would be a father?</p>
+
+<p>The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
+information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
+that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.</p>
+
+<p>I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
+before I convinced myself.</p>
+
+<p>A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time&mdash;two can't
+take any more."</p>
+
+<p>The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
+If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?</p>
+
+<p>Answer: somebody else did it.</p>
+
+<p>Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
+nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
+poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.</p>
+
+<p>Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.</p>
+
+<p>I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
+men and women.</p>
+
+<p>I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all&mdash;if
+you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
+was perfectly valid.</p>
+
+<p>The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
+hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
+into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
+total disability.</p>
+
+<p>The latter was hard to prove.</p>
+
+<p>But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
+second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.</p>
+
+<p>I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
+to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
+fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.</p>
+
+<p>"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"</p>
+
+<p>And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?</p>
+
+<p>The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
+the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
+worse during their second pregnancies.<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> At this time life became
+almost unbearable for them&mdash;and it was, as a consequence, completely
+unbearable for their husbands.</p>
+
+<p>Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
+proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
+felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
+wife and I didn't know this.</p>
+
+<p>I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
+know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: <i>Is there a
+subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
+out?</i></p>
+
+<p>It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
+memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
+If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
+another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
+blur.</p>
+
+<p>If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
+lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
+and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
+things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
+will ever need.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
+Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
+early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
+fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."</p>
+
+<p>The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
+"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
+there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.</p>
+
+<p>In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that&mdash;try as you
+would&mdash;you would have an "occasional" baby.</p>
+
+<p>We did. We had two of them.</p>
+
+<p>The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
+said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."</p>
+
+<p>That is a re-statement of the quotation above.</p>
+
+<p>I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
+took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
+would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.</p>
+
+<p>A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
+early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p><i>Baby wakes up (being hungry).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby gets fed (all he can hold).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby is sleepy (being fed).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full).</i></p></div>
+
+<p>I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
+else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
+fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
+everything else the pediatricians prescribed?</p>
+
+<p>Hoist by their own petards!</p>
+
+<p>The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
+one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a></p>
+
+<p>Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?</p>
+
+<p>Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them&mdash;my kind for
+instance&mdash;cried very hard. And children&mdash;even pipe-dream children&mdash;woke
+up hungry.</p>
+
+<p>Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
+minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
+anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
+teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
+substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.</p>
+
+<p>For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
+baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
+frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....</p>
+
+<p>I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
+America! At least I have saved the world that.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
+man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
+They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
+You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.</p>
+
+<p>It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
+discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.</p>
+
+<p>Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
+children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
+published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.</p>
+
+<p>Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
+books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
+the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
+proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
+parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
+discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
+would disappear.</p>
+
+<p>There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
+and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
+reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
+whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
+friends.</p>
+
+<p>The word raced around the world.</p>
+
+<p>It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
+simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
+plant named <i>Lithospermum ruderale</i>. For the first time, a
+contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient&mdash;and 100% effective in
+reducing <i>male</i> fertility.</p>
+
+<p>Birth control was in the hands of the men.</p>
+
+<p>Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
+over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
+article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
+out hiding places in the heels of shoes....</p>
+
+<p>Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
+depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
+sick or well.</p>
+
+<p>The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
+then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
+years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
+doors.</p>
+
+<p>It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
+clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
+hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
+broke....</p>
+
+<p>By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.</p>
+
+<p>By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
+deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
+civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.</p>
+
+<p>People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
+packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.</p>
+
+<p>Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
+be doomed.</p>
+
+<p>I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
+to know that society&mdash;that human life itself&mdash;was founded on a basic
+deception?</p>
+
+<p>I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p><i>Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
+a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
+interest, but chiefly for your amusement.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
+cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
+before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
+that.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
+sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal. Our
+readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in service.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Never underestimate the power of a woman.</i></p>
+
+<p class="ph1">&mdash;<i>Wilma Masters</i></p></div>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<div class="footnote">
+<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
+average American family: 1.6 children.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote">
+<p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made gas
+bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 67487 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Stilled Patter, by James E. Gunn
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
+will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
+using this eBook.
+
+Title: The Stilled Patter
+
+Author: James E. Gunn
+
+Release Date: February 24, 2022 [eBook #67487]
+
+Language: English
+
+Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed
+             Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***
+
+
+
+
+
+                          The Stilled Patter
+
+                           By JAMES E. GUNN
+
+                        Illustrated by STALLMAN
+
+                   _The age-old battle of the sexes
+                   may yet be the deadliest of all!_
+
+           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
+                 Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.
+         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
+         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
+
+
+George Washington was the father of his country.
+
+I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
+of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
+fact, no more anybody.
+
+This is the end of the world.
+
+It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
+solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
+of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
+writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
+conspiracy.
+
+I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
+the truth. How it was used was not my concern.
+
+But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
+me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
+guilt.
+
+Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
+know that it will never be read.
+
+The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
+shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
+of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
+will never be born.
+
+But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
+return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.
+
+I will begin again.
+
+My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
+The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
+another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
+into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
+but those areas are still crowded and deadly.
+
+Someone would recognize me.
+
+I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
+supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
+without extra foraging.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
+second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.
+
+It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
+accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
+the father of two children that it happened.
+
+Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
+subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
+the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
+child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
+advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
+illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.
+
+They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
+afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
+for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
+always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
+mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
+vested interests.
+
+I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
+not been slow, would be a father?
+
+The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
+information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
+that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.
+
+I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
+before I convinced myself.
+
+A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time--two can't
+take any more."
+
+The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
+If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?
+
+Answer: somebody else did it.
+
+Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
+nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
+poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.
+
+Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.
+
+I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
+men and women.
+
+I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all--if
+you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
+was perfectly valid.
+
+The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
+hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
+into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
+total disability.
+
+The latter was hard to prove.
+
+But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
+second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.
+
+I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
+to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
+fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.
+
+"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"
+
+And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?
+
+The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
+the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
+worse during their second pregnancies.[1] At this time life became
+almost unbearable for them--and it was, as a consequence, completely
+unbearable for their husbands.
+
+    [Footnote 1: Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
+    average American family: 1.6 children.--W. M.]
+
+Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
+proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
+felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
+wife and I didn't know this.
+
+I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
+know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: _Is there a
+subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
+out?_
+
+It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
+memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
+If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
+another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
+blur.
+
+If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
+lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
+and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
+things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
+will ever need.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
+Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
+early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
+fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."
+
+The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
+"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
+there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.
+
+In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that--try as you
+would--you would have an "occasional" baby.
+
+We did. We had two of them.
+
+The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
+said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."
+
+That is a re-statement of the quotation above.
+
+I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
+took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
+would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.
+
+A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
+early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:
+
+    _Baby wakes up (being hungry)._
+
+    _Baby gets fed (all he can hold)._
+
+    _Baby is sleepy (being fed)._
+
+    _Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy)._
+
+    _Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full)._
+
+I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
+else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.
+
+I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
+fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
+everything else the pediatricians prescribed?
+
+Hoist by their own petards!
+
+The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
+one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."[2]
+
+    [Footnote 2: Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made
+    gas bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.--W. M.]
+
+Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?
+
+Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them--my kind for
+instance--cried very hard. And children--even pipe-dream children--woke
+up hungry.
+
+Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
+minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
+anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
+teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
+substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.
+
+For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
+baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
+frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....
+
+I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
+America! At least I have saved the world that.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
+man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
+They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
+You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.
+
+It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
+discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.
+
+Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
+children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
+published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.
+
+Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
+books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
+the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
+proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
+parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
+discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
+would disappear.
+
+There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
+and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
+reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
+whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
+friends.
+
+The word raced around the world.
+
+It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
+simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
+plant named _Lithospermum ruderale_. For the first time, a
+contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient--and 100% effective in
+reducing _male_ fertility.
+
+Birth control was in the hands of the men.
+
+Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
+over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
+article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
+out hiding places in the heels of shoes....
+
+Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
+depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
+sick or well.
+
+The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
+then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
+years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
+doors.
+
+It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
+clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
+hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
+broke....
+
+By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.
+
+By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
+deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
+civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.
+
+People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
+packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.
+
+Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
+be doomed.
+
+I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
+to know that society--that human life itself--was founded on a basic
+deception?
+
+I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.
+
+    _Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
+    a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
+    interest, but chiefly for your amusement._
+
+    _Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
+    cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
+    before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
+    that._
+
+    _As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
+    sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal.
+    Our readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in
+    service._
+
+    _Never underestimate the power of a woman._
+
+                                                      --_Wilma Masters_
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***
+
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+<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Stilled Patter, by James E. Gunn</p>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
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+country where you are located before using this eBook.
+</div>
+
+<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Stilled Patter</p>
+<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: James E. Gunn</p>
+<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: February 24, 2022 [eBook #67487]</p>
+<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p>
+  <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</p>
+<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***</div>
+
+<div class="titlepage">
+
+<h1>The Stilled Patter</h1>
+
+<h2>By JAMES E. GUNN</h2>
+
+<p>Illustrated by STALLMAN</p>
+
+<p><i>The age-old battle of the sexes<br />
+may yet be the deadliest of all!</i></p>
+
+<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
+Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956.<br />
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
+the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<div class="figcenter">
+  <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap" />
+
+<p>George Washington was the father of his country.</p>
+
+<p>I am not George Washington. My name is Andrew Jones, and it is because
+of me there will be no more Joneses in the world. There will be, in
+fact, no more anybody.</p>
+
+<p>This is the end of the world.</p>
+
+<p>It did not come through fire or ice, with a bang or a whimper, from
+solar catastrophe or man's suicidal mis-use of atomic power or any
+of the other fearful possibilities with which the Sunday-supplement
+writers once terrified us. It came through the exposure of an age-old
+conspiracy.</p>
+
+<p>I did it. My excuse is the eternal excuse of the scientist: I sought
+the truth. How it was used was not my concern.</p>
+
+<p>But that it should have led to the depopulation of the Earth concerns
+me, as it must concern every man, and I have an unshakable feeling of
+guilt.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps I write this now in the hope that I may somehow purge myself. I
+know that it will never be read.</p>
+
+<p>The linen wick gutters in the saucer of melted tallow. It casts strange
+shadows on the cellar wall. Sometimes I think that they are the ghosts
+of children come to haunt me, the ghosts of all the little children who
+will never be born.</p>
+
+<p>But this is not what I sat down to write while I waited for Lindsay to
+return. What is keeping Lindsay? He should be back by now.</p>
+
+<p>I will begin again.</p>
+
+<p>My name is Andrew Jones, and today, by my figures, is October 3, 1969.
+The weather is turning cold here, and soon we must go looking for
+another hiding place. My joints are getting old; the damp has seeped
+into them. I long for the year-long warmth of California or Florida,
+but those areas are still crowded and deadly.</p>
+
+<p>Someone would recognize me.</p>
+
+<p>I think we will try a powerhouse again this winter. Often they have
+supplies of coal large enough to last us through the cold weather
+without extra foraging.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>Cataclysm began in 1954, June 13 to be exact. That was the day my
+second child was born, a boy we named Kevin.</p>
+
+<p>It is surprising that a man who was the father of two children should
+accuse himself of depopulating the Earth. And yet it is because I was
+the father of two children that it happened.</p>
+
+<p>Pre-natal care of mothers and post-natal care of infants were
+subjects of compelling interest in those days, arriving monthly in
+the burgeoning women's magazines and annually in the proliferous
+child-care manuals. Pediatricians and mothers besieged parents with
+advice, and we consumed everything with catholic appetite: logical,
+illogical, sensible, insensible, nonsensical, self-contradictory.</p>
+
+<p>They kept us on our toes, strung as taut as Stradivarius violins,
+afraid to act for fear we would do the wrong thing, afraid not to act
+for fear inaction would be disastrous. Pediatricians and mothers,
+always the same authors. Never were there any articles on the care of
+mother and child by a father, only by what I came to think of as the
+vested interests.</p>
+
+<p>I was slow, I admit; but what father has not been slow? Who, if he had
+not been slow, would be a father?</p>
+
+<p>The books and the articles would have been troublesome enough if the
+information they imparted had been accurate. But slowly I became aware
+that they were subtly interwoven with mis-statements.</p>
+
+<p>I raveled them out, I categorized them. I counted five different kinds
+before I convinced myself.</p>
+
+<p>A mother published this: "One baby takes up all your time&mdash;two can't
+take any more."</p>
+
+<p>The fallacy was obvious. A certain amount of housework was inescapable.
+If the mother was unable to do the work, what happened to it?</p>
+
+<p>Answer: somebody else did it.</p>
+
+<p>Who? Even in the abundance of those days, most of us couldn't afford
+nurses, maids, cooks, laundresses, or cleaning women. The era of the
+poor relation who came to help out for a few months was long past.</p>
+
+<p>Who did the work, then? The father, that's who.</p>
+
+<p>I stared deep into the shocking chasm between the mental processes of
+men and women.</p>
+
+<p>I studied the statement again. There was no mis-statement at all&mdash;if
+you granted the hidden premise and didn't boggle on the implication. It
+was perfectly valid.</p>
+
+<p>The hidden premise was that women did all the housework. But that
+hadn't been true for a generation. The husband-father had been drafted
+into home service, and there was no discharge for him short of death or
+total disability.</p>
+
+<p>The latter was hard to prove.</p>
+
+<p>But the implication was the deadly thing: in the consideration of
+second child, a father's time and labor counted for nothing.</p>
+
+<p>I remembered a shaggy little story about a farmer who held up his hog
+to let it eat the corn off the stalk. "Doesn't it take a long time to
+fatten up a hog that way?" exclaimed the efficiency expert.</p>
+
+<p>"Shore," said the farmer, "but what's time to a hog?"</p>
+
+<p>And what, in a woman's eyes, was time to a father?</p>
+
+<p>The second type of mis-statement was a pure omission. The thing
+the baby books didn't mention was that most women felt ten times
+worse during their second pregnancies.<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> At this time life became
+almost unbearable for them&mdash;and it was, as a consequence, completely
+unbearable for their husbands.</p>
+
+<p>Not one baby book or article mentioned that fact. That it was a fact I
+proved by a personal survey. Every mother questioned revealed that she
+felt horrible during her second pregnancy. She was surprised that my
+wife and I didn't know this.</p>
+
+<p>I was not surprised. Nobody ever mentioned it, that is why we didn't
+know. I think it was at this time I first asked myself: <i>Is there a
+subconscious conspiracy to keep this kind of information from leaking
+out?</i></p>
+
+<p>It wasn't important that women didn't know this. They had selective
+memories (proof of this was that mankind lasted as long as it did).
+If they were maternally inclined (as most of them were at one time or
+another), the disadvantages of pregnancy faded into a sort of merciful
+blur.</p>
+
+<p>If there was a conspiracy, it was aimed at fathers. It was intended to
+lull them into the logical supposition that conditions usually improve
+and that experience is the great teacher. Pure delusion! With women,
+things are always worse, and they are born with all the knowledge they
+will ever need.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>Babies could be divided into two kinds: "most" and "occasional."
+Consider, for instance, the following quotation: "Most babies in the
+early months sleep from feeding to feeding; an occasional baby won't
+fall into this pattern but insists on being sociable after his meals."</p>
+
+<p>The first time I read that I supposed that this business of "most" and
+"occasional" was a statistical matter. That was my fatal mistake. If
+there was any statistical backing for that statement, I never found it.</p>
+
+<p>In my experience, the chances were nine out of ten that&mdash;try as you
+would&mdash;you would have an "occasional" baby.</p>
+
+<p>We did. We had two of them.</p>
+
+<p>The fourth type of mis-statement was the false generalization. It was
+said, much too often: "A full baby is a sleepy baby."</p>
+
+<p>That is a re-statement of the quotation above.</p>
+
+<p>I sat down with a pencil and paper and figured it out. A small infant
+took half an hour to finish a bottle. If he ate five times a day, he
+would have spent 21-1/2 hours asleep out of every 24.</p>
+
+<p>A little farther on I would read something like: "If a baby wakes up
+early, he is not getting enough to eat." I drew up a schedule:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p><i>Baby wakes up (being hungry).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby gets fed (all he can hold).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby is sleepy (being fed).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby goes to sleep (being sleepy).</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Baby sleeps until next feeding (being full).</i></p></div>
+
+<p>I didn't recognize the baby. Who could? He wasn't my child or anybody
+else's. He was the pediatrician's pipe-dream child.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at it another way: if the baby slept except when being
+fed, when did it get the baths, orange juice, vitamins, cereal, and
+everything else the pediatricians prescribed?</p>
+
+<p>Hoist by their own petards!</p>
+
+<p>The fifth type of mis-statement was the impossible ideal. I tried this
+one for logic: "Babies should not be allowed to cry before feeding."<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a></p>
+
+<p>Had those doctors ever tried to keep a hungry child from crying?</p>
+
+<p>Hungry children cried. It was their nature. Some of them&mdash;my kind for
+instance&mdash;cried very hard. And children&mdash;even pipe-dream children&mdash;woke
+up hungry.</p>
+
+<p>Warming a bottle to drinkable temperature took time, at least five
+minutes and sometimes ten. Meanwhile, in spite of everything that
+anyone could do, the baby was crying. He would not he cajoled, walked,
+teased, patted, jollied, scolded, or argued into accepting any
+substitute for his formula. With him, it was food or nothing.</p>
+
+<p>For horror, I had a favorite scene: the mother alone, rushing from
+baby to bottle, from bottle to baby, one screaming, the other cold,
+frantic with the pediatrician's admonitions, and then both too hot....</p>
+
+<p>I would not have had it on my conscience for all the royalties in
+America! At least I have saved the world that.</p>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<p>There were more mis-statements, but those were enough. I did what any
+man, any scientist, would have done. I gave my findings to the world.
+They were published under the title: "What the Baby Books Won't Tell
+You." The article stirred up immediate controversy.</p>
+
+<p>It is not enough to uncover a conspiracy; you must find a motive. I had
+discovered the motive behind the Great Conspiracy.</p>
+
+<p>Baby books were not written to teach parents how to care for their
+children; baby books were written to sell baby books. And magazines
+published articles about babies to sell magazines to mothers.</p>
+
+<p>Valid reasons. If they had not existed, there would have been no baby
+books, no women's magazines. But this had far-reaching consequences:
+the market for baby books and women's magazines was the great,
+proliferating population of new parents. If the awful truth about
+parenthood were published, if these hardy, ingenuous souls were
+discouraged, something quite startling would happen to the market: it
+would disappear.</p>
+
+<p>There were attempts at suppression on all levels, but the truth was out
+and nothing could stop its spread. Secret printing presses turned out
+reprints by the millions; they were passed from hand to hand. Fathers
+whispered the word to husbands; husbands passed it on to bachelor
+friends.</p>
+
+<p>The word raced around the world.</p>
+
+<p>It would not have been so disastrous if Lindsay McPherson had not
+simultaneously perfected his contraceptive pill out of a Southwestern
+plant named <i>Lithospermum ruderale</i>. For the first time, a
+contraceptive was safe, cheap, and convenient&mdash;and 100% effective in
+reducing <i>male</i> fertility.</p>
+
+<p>Birth control was in the hands of the men.</p>
+
+<p>Billions of the tiny pills were turned out. Enemy nations sowed them
+over each other's territory in boxes containing translations of my
+article. Men cached them away, carried them in money belts, hollowed
+out hiding places in the heels of shoes....</p>
+
+<p>Births dropped suddenly. Almost overnight, the maternity wards were
+depopulated. Hospitals went broke, or began advertising for patrons,
+sick or well.</p>
+
+<p>The makers of baby foods, baby apparel, and baby accessories went next,
+then the women's magazines when they lost their advertising. In a few
+years, the condition hit the schools; one by one they closed their
+doors.</p>
+
+<p>It was a creeping paralysis. The toy makers and sellers collapsed. The
+clothing industry couldn't survive longer. The shoe-makers were hardest
+hit. Food consumption dropped. All over the country, farmers went
+broke....</p>
+
+<p>By comparison, the Great Depression seemed like a boom.</p>
+
+<p>By 1965 the end was in sight. Society disintegrated. The cities were
+deserted; they burned for years. From a mechanical-agricultural
+civilization, the world returned to the stone age in one decade.</p>
+
+<p>People went in packs for protection. There were two kinds of them:
+packs of men hunting for food and packs of women hunting for men.</p>
+
+<p>Soon, as the women grow too old for child-bearing, the race of Man will
+be doomed.</p>
+
+<p>I did it. I am guilty. Lindsay helped, but I am the one. But how was I
+to know that society&mdash;that human life itself&mdash;was founded on a basic
+deception?</p>
+
+<p>I wonder what is keeping Lindsay. He should be back by now.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p><i>Editor's note: This manuscript was found in a cellar of a house in
+a Midwestern city; it is presented here partly for its historical
+interest, but chiefly for your amusement.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Mr. Wilma Masters (the former Andrew Jones) was found in the same
+cellar. Our hunting party had taken Lindsay McPherson some time
+before, and he had directed us promptly to the cellar. Men are like
+that.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>As is the custom, the men were stripped, carefully searched, and
+sent to the premarital barracks to wait for some girl's proposal. Our
+readers will be happy to learn that they are both back in service.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Never underestimate the power of a woman.</i></p>
+
+<p class="ph1">&mdash;<i>Wilma Masters</i></p></div>
+
+<hr class="tb" />
+
+<div class="footnote">
+<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Editor's note: This may help explain the size of the
+average American family: 1.6 children.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote">
+<p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Editor's note: This led to swallowing air which made gas
+bubbles; gas bubbles caused colic.&mdash;W. M.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STILLED PATTER ***</div>
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author	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-01-22 04:13:58 -0800
committer	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-01-22 04:13:58 -0800
commit	0c7fbe2fb32224449a36f5b5e204fd320a77b210 (patch)
tree	b0f9981d368fd54955d7101a43626cdf35c23733
parent	8fa89d0bb568b4fd0544eefc1eb0d3446940cc03 (diff)