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If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Hole Book - -Author: Peter Newell - -Release Date: January 11, 2022 [eBook #67144] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Chuck Greif, deaurider and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOLE BOOK *** - - - - [Illustration: - - THE HOLE BOOK - - _By_ PETER NEWELL - - HARPER & BROTHERS - NEW YORK - ] - - Copyright, 1908, by HARPER & BROTHERS. - - _All rights reserved._ - Published October, 1908. - - - - - THE HOLE BOOK - - Tom Potts was fooling with a gun - (Such follies should not be), - When--bang! the pesky thing went off - Most unexpectedly! - - Tom didn’t know ’twas loaded, and - It scared him ’most to death-- - He tumbled flat upon the floor - And fairly gasped for breath. - - The bullet smashed a fine French clock - (The clock had just struck three), - Then made a hole clean through the wall, - As you can plainly see. - -[Illustration] - - Out in the kitchen Bridget Quinn - Was busying about, - When through the boiler crashed the shot - And let the water out! - - The floor was flooded like a pond, - The room was filled with steam, - And Bridget gathered up her skirts - And rushed out with a scream. - -[Illustration] - - Out in the back yard Sister Sue, - With “Sis” and Mabel Dunn, - Was swinging underneath the trees, - And having lots of fun,-- - - When zip! the speeding bullet sang, - And cut the rope in two, - Then hurtled through the high board fence, - And to the ground came Sue! - -[Illustration] - - Just then an automobile passed, - Its body painted green-- - The bullet struck its side and pierced - The tank of gasolene. - - A loud explosion followed and - A tremor shook the air! - The passengers were tossed aloft - Amidst the smoke and glare! - -[Illustration] - - An artist in a studio, - Who had a medal won, - Was painting on “A Laughing Boy,” - Which work was all but done: - - The ball of lead this picture smote, - As through the room it ranged, - And through the canvas bored its way, - And the expression changed! - -[Illustration] - - Old Granny Fink was sound asleep-- - As sound as one could wish; - Beside her an aquarium - Was standing, stocked with fish: - - The bullet struck the crystal globe, - And roused her from her nap-- - And Granny found that she was drenched, - With goldfish in her lap! - -[Illustration] - - A lady came into a store - Where animals were sold, - To buy a parrot with a tongue - That wouldn’t swear or scold; - - But as she talked about the bird - And asked about the price, - The bullet plunged clean through a box - And freed a lot of mice! - -[Illustration] - - Old Hagenschmit, behind his house, - His new Dutch pipe was trying, - When--bing! the bullet smashed the bowl - And sent the pieces flying! - - “Who put dot bombshell in my pipe?” - Exclaimed the startled smoker. - “If I could git my hands on him, - Dere would be vone less joker!” - -[Illustration] - - A pear-tree, seen above the wall, - With fruit was laden down, - And Ned, below, appeared to be - The saddest boy in town; - - Just then the restless bullet passed, - And clipped a branching limb - Which bore a dozen pears or more - And passed it down to him! - -[Illustration] - - G. Foozleman, in high silk hat, - Along the street was trailing, - When through the crown the bullet sped - And sent his hat a-sailing! - - “What do you mean, sir,” blurted he, - To Harvey Jones, behind him, - “By knocking off my high silk hat?” - But Harvey didn’t mind him. - -[Illustration] - - Dick Bumble, with a bag of grain, - Was going out to grind it, - When through the bag the bullet tore - And left a hole behind it! - - Dick neither knew the bag was pinked, - Nor that a hole was in it, - And wondered why the load he bore - Grew lighter every minute. - -[Illustration] - - Tim Nickleby had hooked a fish, - And was about to land it, - When--snap! his fish-pole broke in two-- - He couldn’t understand it. - - Of course the bullet did the trick;-- - It would have been more thrilling - If it had punctured Timothy, - Who was in need of drilling. - -[Illustration] - - A restless wild-cat had escaped, - And roamed the gardens free; - The keeper, frightened at the sight, - Had climbed a lofty tree: - - The savage brute espied him there, - And with an agile bound, - It met the bullet in the air, - And tumbled to the ground! - -[Illustration] - - A watermelon, large and fine, - Was in the kitchen shed; - The bullet drilled a hole through it - As on its way it sped. - - “Who plugged dat melon?” mammy cried, - As through the door she came. - “I’d spank de chile dat done dat trick, - Ef I could learn his name.” - -[Illustration] - - A vender of balloons, a chap - In Russia born and bred, - Came ambling through the dusty street, - His wares above his head. - - “Balloons! Balloons! Who vants to buy?” - He shrilly cried. “I say--” - Just then his enterprise collapsed-- - The shot had come that way. - -[Illustration] - - A German band was on parade, - And all the district knew it, - When--boom! the bass-drum sounded out-- - The shot had gone clean through it! - - The leader turned about in ire, - And pointing at the drummer, - Exclaimed: “You sthart too soon, my friendt-- - You make a better plumber!” - -[Illustration] - - Mis’ Silverman had built a fire - And shovelled on some coal, - When through the stove-pipe crashed the shot - And made a gaping hole! - - The smoke in murky columns rose, - The lady raised a shout; - Then on the scene the firemen came, - And put the lady out! - -[Illustration] - - A cat espied a tiny mouse, - And crouched to make a spring; - The mousey couldn’t find a place - In which to hide--poor thing! - - Just then the bullet made a hole-- - A fair-sized hole at that-- - And in it dashed the frightened mouse, - And thus escaped the cat. - -[Illustration] - - A thief was stealing in the door-- - A clever chap was he; - For he had waited till the gong - Had summoned all to tea. - - But at that moment came the shot, - And smote the door-bell clear-- - The butler reached the door in time - To see him disappear! - -[Illustration] - - Old Sandy, on his Highland pipes, - Was drooning “Robin Hood,” - And coaxing from the boys and girls - Such pennies as he could, - - When suddenly the bag went “squash!” - The drone became a sigh-- - The fleeting shot had pierced the bag - Of wind in passing by! - -[Illustration] - - For some excitement, good and hot, - These lads were fairly spoiling, - When through the bee-hive plunked the shot, - And set the pot a-boiling! - - The startled swarm came streaming out - In temper hot and baneful, - And drove the foe in awful rout, - With volleys sharp and painful! - -[Illustration] - - When Felix Fenno flew his kite, - He found his hands were full; - It seemed determined to escape, - So strongly did it pull. - - But presently the whizzing shot - The kite-string neatly parted, - And, like an air-ship on a cruise, - His precious kite departed! - -[Illustration] - - The grocer boy was teasing Snip - By pelting him with rice, - And keeping just beyond his reach-- - Which wasn’t very nice. - - Just then the bullet clipped the chain - That held the pup, and--joy! - He fairly sprinted through the air, - And nabbed that grocer boy! - -[Illustration] - - Mis’ Newlywed had made a cake, - With icings good and stout-- - The bullet struck its armor belt, - And meekly flattened out. - - And this was lucky for Tom Potts, - The boy who fired the shot-- - It might have gone clean round the world - And killed him on the spot. - -[Illustration] - -[Illustration] - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOLE BOOK *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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