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+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #66898 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66898)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Dough or Dynamite, by W. C. Tuttle
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Dough or Dynamite
-
-Author: W. C. Tuttle
-
-Release Date: December 7, 2021 [eBook #66898]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Roger Frank and Sue Clark
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DOUGH OR DYNAMITE ***
-
-
-
-
- DOUGH OR DYNAMITE
-
- By W. C. TUTTLE
-
- Author of “Clean Crazy,” “Monkeying with Ancestors,” etc.
-
-
-Me and “Muley” Bowles and “Chuck” Warner are putting a saddle on a
-colt in the Cross J corral, when “Telescope” Tolliver enters the
-precincts of said ranch, and we gets our first glimpse of Archibald
-Ames.
-
-Archibald occupies a seat on the buckboard with Telescope, and they
-soon comes over and climbs on top of the corral fence. Archibald’s
-name fits him—in a way. The length of his first name indicates his
-girth and his last name his height. He’s one of them persons who you’d
-never invite to set down, ’cause he don’t seem to require no such
-posture.
-
-It takes him quite a long time to negotiate the top-pole of the
-corral, and when he does get up there he has to balance—his feet won’t
-reach the next pole. He’s wearing them dinky little pants, with the
-seat of a shoplifter and the knees of Lord Fauntleroy. His calves
-perspire in shiny leggings, and for a hat he wears a libel on the name
-of Stetson.
-
-Muley gives him a passing glance, yanks up another notch on the cinch,
-and grunts—
-
-“What’ll we do with it?”
-
-“Love it to death or render it out,” grunts Chuck. “Looks to me like
-one of them playthings for kids that yuh can’t tip over and make it
-stay down. Let’s give this colt a chance to breathe, while we peers a
-little closer at this attraction.”
-
-We ambles over and looks up at the critter’s soles.
-
-“Mister Ames,” orates Telescope, “I’m obliged to make yuh used to
-Muley Bowles. He’s the sylph-like critter in woolly chaps. That one
-with the sad, horse-faced features is Chuck Warner, the anti-George
-Washington of Yaller Rock County, and the other person down there is
-Henry Peck. They’re all harmless.
-
-“Bunch, this is Mister Archibald Ames, who is to be with us for a
-spell.”
-
-“I’m pleased to meet yuh,” smiles Archie.
-
-“You ought to be,” agrees Muley. “It ain’t often that we shows this
-much interest in a stranger. What seems to bring yuh hither?”
-
-“I brung him,” states Telescope. “Mister Ames is looking for local
-color. Sabe?”
-
-“What’s he done, and is he wanted by Federal, State or county?” asks
-Chuck, serious-like, wiggling his ears.
-
-Chuck can wiggle his ears just like a mule.
-
-“Done what?” grunts Telescope. “Chuck, you boob, don’t yuh know what
-local color is?”
-
-“I’ll bite,” grins Chuck. “Go ahead and spring it, Telescope.”
-
-Telescope clears his throat, rolls a cigaret and glares at Chuck, who
-glares right back, and wiggles his ears.
-
-“Look at them ears!” applauds Archibald. “I’d love to get a close-up
-of them.”
-
-“Mister,” reproves Chuck, “it ain’t seemly that a stranger should set
-on top of a corral and make remarks about the physical failings of a
-native son. Keep on at the pace you’ve started, and that spell that
-Telescope spoke about can be spelled in four letters: g-o-n-e. Sabe?”
-
-“You got a lot to say about it, now ain’t yuh?” reproves Telescope.
-“You ain’t nothing around here but a forty-dollar puncher. You got a
-lot of chance to tell visitors where to head in. Come on, Mister Ames,
-and we’ll go up and see the man what owns this ranch, and ain’t no
-more sense than to pay forty dollars to a runt like that.”
-
-They climbs down and goes up to the ranch-house.
-
-“Haw! Haw! Haw!” whoops Muley, shaking every ounce of his two hundred
-and forty pounds of bone and lard. “Haw! Haw! ‘Come on, Mister Ames,
-and we go up to see the man’—haw, haw, haw! You will tell folks where
-to head in at, will yuh?”
-
-Muley is a poet. There might ’a’ been as good rhymers as him once upon
-a time, but they’re all dead and departed. Muley is the he-buzzard of
-the flock right now. He hangs on to the side of the corral and wipes
-the tears out of his eyes.
-
-“Gosh!” he snorts. “Telescope sure showed his breeding, Chuck. Yuh
-could tell he’s been well raised. Sticks his chin up in the air, like
-a grouse with a goiter, and proclaims: ‘Come on with me, Mister Ames.’
-Haw! Haw! Haw!”
-
-“Some day I’m going to reach up and hang my fist on his jaw,”
-proclaims Chuck.
-
-“You better catch him in bed or carry a ladder with yuh,” says I. “You
-got ambition, Chuck, but your height ain’t noways adequate.”
-
-A little later old man Whittaker, who owns the Cross J outfit, comes
-out with Archibald, and them two goes back to town in the buckboard.
-Telescope comes down to the bunk-house and sets down in our midst.
-
-Chuck gives him a mean look, and goes on playing solitaire. Telescope
-admires himself in our cracked shaving-mirror.
-
-“Better fix your features in your mind, Telescope, ’cause you’re sure
-going to need a pattern after Chuck gets through with yuh,” laughs
-Muley.
-
-“That banty little ear-wiggler!” snorts Telescope. “I got a feeling
-that I ain’t going to punch cows much longer.”
-
-“Dead men punch no cows,” states Chuck. “Your perceptions are getting
-clearer.”
-
-“Where do yuh feel bad, Telescope?” I asks. “Tell papa where it
-hurts.”
-
-“Aw ——!” Telescope turns from the mirror and glares at us. “I’m glad
-I’m going to get away from you half-wits.”
-
-“Has the old man been kicking on yuh wasting so much time over at the
-Bowers ranch, holding hands with Miss Amy, or has that tumble-bug yuh
-had down to the corral been whispering sweet nothings in your ear?”
-asks Chuck.
-
- * * * * *
-
-“You leave Miss Bowers’ name out of it!” snaps Telescope. “Mister Ames
-is a moving-picture man, and I may cease punching the festive cow to
-play hero parts for him. Me and him have had quite some conversation
-regarding same, and he assures me that I’ve got the physique and
-features for a lead.”
-
-“You got the physique and features for a funeral if yuh don’t quit
-wearing my red tie,” says I. “That’s right—throw it on the floor. If
-yuh wants to make a hit with folks, why don’t yuh buy some clothes of
-your own?”
-
-“Tell us all about it, little one,” begs Muley, resting his fat chin
-on his hands, and squinting at Telescope.
-
- “Sing us a song of a locoed man,
- Who got stuck on your face and shape—
- A form that was built by accident,
- And the face of a Jungle ape.
- Sing us a song of a keeper bold,
- Who went sound asleep one day,
- A keeper who’s going to show up soon,
- And lead little Archie away.”
-
-“I’ll tell yuh nothing!” yelps Telescope. “You fellers are just plumb
-ignorant.”
-
-“Ain’t it true?” nods Chuck. “I’d take a job, too, if I was begged.”
-
-“You!” snorts Telescope. “Haw, haw, haw! Mister Ames told me that if
-he wanted something for the public to laugh at he’d sure hire you. No,
-Chuckie. This is a moving picture—not a sideshow.”
-
-“Here’s the idea,” continues Telescope. “Mister Ames wants something
-real. He wants real punchers and——”
-
-“Ninety-eight cents in Chicago,” nods Chuck. “I seen in a mail-order
-catalog where yuh could get good ones for——”
-
-“He wants a real hold-up,” states Telescope. “He wants a stage held
-up, and he don’t want no fake. Sabe? Somehow he’s got the idea that I
-could do it artistic-like.”
-
-“Your experience will help yuh out,” nods Chuck. “There was a hold-up
-over in Mexican Cañon once, and the feller——”
-
-“Sufficient, Chuck!” snorts Muley, and Chuck winks at me.
-
-“Well, of course it wasn’t done by one man,” murmurs Chuck. “One of
-the posse shot the horns off a animile and made a muley. Correct me if
-I appear to be wrong,”
-
-“You stand corrected,” states Muley. “Desist from historical romance,
-or I’ll remember one Summer afternoon down in Cottonwood, when a
-certain man went into a bank, and ——”
-
-“I accepts the correction,” admits Chuck, playing a red queen on a red
-king, and Telescope continues:
-
-“You fellers keep this under your hats. Sabe? Along about Wednesday
-afternoon I’m going to hold up the stage from Piperock. Of course
-after it’s over I’ll return everything, and all the while this picture
-will be taken. He wants to advertise it as a real hold-up, and she
-will be all that.”
-
-“Going south, as she drags out of Hell Gate Crossing,” orates Chuck.
-
-“That’s the designated place,” grins Telescope. “You must ’a’ been
-studying the situation, Chuck.”
-
-“Suppose somebody takes a shot at yuh?” I suggests. “Art Miller ain’t
-no suckling infant, and if there’s a shipment from the Golden Cross
-aboard there might be a guard.”
-
-“Yuh never can tell about them shipments,” agrees Chuck. “I’ve tried
-several times to find out.”
-
-“No wonder yuh know a good place,” laughs Telescope. “Never mind,
-there ain’t going to be no shooting. I’ll have ’em buffaloed. My
-shells will all be blanks. If I makes good in this I cinches a job
-with Archibald Ames, and it’s good-by to the Cross J. No more will
-Mister Tolliver ride the hills and smell of burnt hair and corrals.
-Poor, eh? I’ll be eating breakfast in bed while Chuck Warner is out
-chopping holes in the ice so the doggies can drink.”
-
-“A little more such talk and yuh won’t have to be a actor to get
-breakfast in bed,” states Chuck. “Keep it up, and you’ll have all your
-meals in bed. If you wants to hear me say what I think about you being
-a actor you got to come outside. I got too much respect for the
-bunk-house to express myself here.”
-
-This day being Monday, we has to put up with that kind of conversation
-until Tuesday afternoon, when Chuck opines that he’s going up to
-Piperock. Chuck can’t stand prosperity, and Tuesday is payday. He’s a
-roulette fiend, and he runs into bad luck every time he bucks a wheel
-in Paradise, so he wearies his bronc with monthly trips to Piperock.
-Once he won eight dollars up there. It cost him forty but he never
-figured that side of the ledger.
-
-Anyway we wishes him many happy returns of the day, and he lopes away.
-As he forks his bronc he grins at Telescope, and says:
-
-“To be a good actor, yuh got to imagine you’re the party you’re
-imitating. Just think you’re ‘Slippery’ Silverton, Telescope. He’s a
-good pattern to go by. Sabe?”
-
-Slippery sure ain’t no imitation. He’s had the Montana officers
-buffaloed for so long that they think he’s more than one man. The
-accumulated rewards for him look like the weekly clean-up at the U. S.
-mint.
-
-Me and Muley wishes to see the proceedings, so we rides down to
-Paradise the next day with Telescope, and has converse with Archibald
-Ames. He squints at the sky and shakes his head.
-
-“I doubt it,” says he. “Too cloudy. Yuh can’t get snappy stuff in
-atmosphere like this, and there can’t be no retake. We’ll let her go
-until tomorrow. I may set up after a while and get some character
-stuff. Lots of local color around here. Good characters, and the
-background is great. Know what I mean?”
-
-“Perfectly,” says I. “Sheep-herders and so forth.”
-
-Telescope opines that old man Bowers’ ranch is calling him, so a
-little later on he rides away, he and Muley horns into a poker game,
-and about an hour later Archibald Ames invades the place and leans
-against the bar. Mike Pelly leaves the table to serve him, but Archie
-ain’t dry. He asks a question—
-
-“Can you tell me where I can get some raw beef?”
-
-He turns to us, and we sees the most wonderful black eye yuh ever
-seen.
-
-“Holy henhawks!” I snorts. “What yuh been doing?”
-
-“I’ll tell yuh,” snorts “Doughgod” Smith, from the doorway. “He’s been
-exhibiting his danged ignorance. He opines to get a picture of a
-shepherd and he picked me!”
-
-“Doughgod ain’t no shepherd,” I explains to Archie.
-
-“This is a —— of a time to tell me!” wails Archie, and he goes across
-the street to a restaurant.
-
-The next we sees of him he’s taking a picture of a rackful of broncs
-and then he goes over and photygrafts a greaser kid and a dog.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Me and Muley donates as much as we can to Mike’s game, and then quits.
-We wanders down to Art Miller’s barn, and sets down in the sun. We
-haven’t been there long, when we sees the stage drive up to the depot.
-They dumps some stuff off, and then drives down to the barn. Beside
-Art is old man Warner’s son Chuck, and when he sees us he grins all
-over his homely face. Art sees us, and they both whoops.
-
-“Awful funny,” says Muley. “Haw, haw!”
-
-“Any time yuh don’t think it was yuh got another think coming,” whoops
-Chuck, hanging on to a front wheel. “Haw! Haw! Haw! Left the danged
-fool up a—haw, haw, haw—tree!”
-
-Art leans against one of his wheelers, and the tears runs out of his
-eyes.
-
-“Some—haw, haw, haw—picture!” gargles Art. “I ain’t laughed so much in
-my whole life!”
-
-Him and Chuck looks at each other, and busts out laughing again.
-
-“What seems to be tickling yuh?” asks Muley. “Is it a secret?”
-
-“Oh, glory!” gasps Chuck. “Listen, you fellers. That’s going to be
-some picture. Telescope held up that stage, but nobody will ever see
-that picture. Haw! Haw! Haw! We drives out of the crossing, and he
-stops us, just like a regular bandit. Of course we know he’s got
-blanks in his gun, but we elevates our hands to make the play good,
-He’s got a sack over his head, so yuh can’t see his face, and I got a
-false mustache on so he won’t know me. I made it myself.
-
-“Well, we kicks the express box off, and sudden-like goes for our
-guns. He must ’a’ been dreaming to let us get the drop thataway. We
-makes him throw his gun in the river. Haw! Haw! Haw!
-
-“Then we makes him put the box back on the stage,” whoops Art. “After
-he gets that done we makes him walk down to the river, and get a big
-rock. Then we marches him back and makes him put it on the empty boot.
-He made ten trips after boulders. Then we makes him dance a while,
-crawl all the way around the outfit on his hands and knees, and to
-finish up we made him climb up an old cottonwood snag, and he’s there
-when we drives out of sight, with our thumbs at our noses at him. Haw!
-Haw!”
-
-“Wait ’till I see Telescope,” promises Chuck, weak-like.
-
-“Haw!” says Muley. “He’d admire to hear it, Chuck. He was here until a
-while ago, and went over to Bowers’.”
-
-“Here? Telescope?” squeaks Chuck.
-
-“Uh-huh,” says I. “it was too cloudy, so we postponed taking that
-picture.”
-
-Art and Chuck looks foolish-like at each other and then at us.
-
-“Well!” says Chuck “I don’t sabe this.”
-
-“That’s the trouble with you, Chuck,” opines Muley. “Art don’t have
-much sabe either. I reckon you fellers had about ten thousand easy
-dollars crawling around your stage on its hands and knees, and just to
-show your contempt for it yuh rode away with your thumbs at your nose
-and your fingers wiggling at it.”
-
-“Sus-slippery Silverton!” stutters Chuck. “That sure was Slippery!
-Ain’t we the dangdest fools on earth!”
-
-“By a majority of two,” agrees Muley, “Telescope will be delighted.”
-
-“My ——!” gasps Art. “Slippery Silverton! I think that box had a
-shipment from the Golden Cross. What a chance I took!”
-
-“All the way from Piperock,” says I, but I don’t think Chuck got it—he
-was beyond words.
-
-Me and Muley went up and had a drink, and Muley laughs so hard that he
-forgot to pay for it. We meets Art a little later on but there ain’t
-much fun joshing him about it.
-
-“It’s on Chuck,” says he. “He explains the joke to me, and as she’s
-pulled off as per schedule I thinks it’s all right.”
-
-“But it spoils things for Telescope,” says I. “You knowing about it
-spoils the hold-up. It might look like a fake. Sabe?”
-
-“That’s right,” agrees Art. “Telescope is a friend of mine and—I got
-it! I’ll make out that I don’t feel good, and I’ll ask ‘Ricky’
-Henderson to drive for me. He wants to come down anyway.”
-
-“That’s fine,” says Muley. “Telescope will make it right with you, and
-we won’t tell him about today.”
-
-That night we don’t have neither Telescope or Chuck with us. Telescope
-is just riding away as we come in, and we don’t have a chance to talk
-with him, and Chuck don’t come home, ’cause he’s too danged ashamed to
-face Telescope.
-
-The next morning the old man sends me and Muley over to the Triangle
-to get some cows that Johnny Myers brought out of the Sleeping Crick
-Hills with some of his, and we misses the picture-taking. We travels
-as fast as we can, but the stage has gone past when we hits the main
-road on our way back. There ain’t nobody at the Hell Gate crossing, so
-we pilgrims on to the ranch.
-
-About an hour later Telescope comes in, and a little later Chuck
-drifts home.
-
-“There seems to be a Jonah on this job,” states Telescope.
-
-“What yuh limping about, Telescope?” asks Chuck.
-
-“Hurt my knee. Reckon it’s a good thing the stage didn’t come down
-today, ’cause I’d ’a’ been a cripple in that picture. Slipped on a
-rock.”
-
-“Stage didn’t come down?” I asks, and Telescope shakes his head.
-
-“Nope. Me and Mister Ames was there for two hours after the time, but
-she don’t show up.”
-
-“Didn’t come down?” wonders Chuck, aloud. “Didn’t go to Paradise?”
-
-“She sure didn’t. Hadn’t been there when I left.”
-
-Chuck looks foolish-like, and gets busy reading an old magazine. I
-notices that he’s got it upside down, but his lips are moving, so I
-reckon it don’t matter. He’s restless, and don’t sleep well that
-night.
-
-The next morning, right after breakfast, up rides Bill McFee, our
-unworthy sheriff; Ricky Henderson, Art Miller and Al McGuire, who
-manages the ground work of the Golden Cross. Telescope limps over to
-greet them, and they seems a heap interested in Telescope’s walk.
-
-“What do yuh think, Ricky?” asks McFee.
-
-“I’d hate to swear to it, Bill, but he limped.”
-
-“I arrests yuh in the name of the law for robbing the Piperock stage
-yesterday, Telescope,” states Bill.
-
-Telescope looks foolish-like at Bill, and then laughs.
-
-“Yesterday, Bill? Why, it never——”
-
-“The description covers yuh,” states Bill. “I got your pardner, who
-calls himself Archibald Ames, in jail. He’s already admitted the
-intent to rob it, but says if you robbed it he don’t know nothing
-about it. Said he was late meeting yuh, so he don’t know what yuh
-might ’a’ done.”
-
-“Whoever done it got seven thousand in that box,” states McGuire.
-
-“Seven thousand!” wonders Telescope. “I thought the clean-up was
-brought down yesterday.”
-
-“Some folks did,” grins McGuire. “We figured to double-cross some wise
-folks.”
-
-I hears a deep breath, and Chuck sets down hard on the step. Old man
-Whittaker comes out, and they has to chaw the whole thing over again.
-
-“Well,” says the old man, “I don’t think that Telescope done it, but
-under the circumstances I reckon he’ll have to go to jail.”
-
-“At least yuh can have breakfast in bed,” consoles Muley, and then he
-recites:
-
- “A man in jail don’t have no cares;
- The flight of time don’t bother him,
- There ain’t no place for him to go,
- The passing hours lightly skim.
- The judge may say, ‘A year or two,
- In places where they don’t need clocks,’
- But you should care—when you get loose,
- You’ve seven thousand in that box.”
-
-“Muley, when I get loose I’m going to cut your rhymer square in two,”
-proclaims Telescope, and just then the old man leads Telescope’s bronc
-up, and he rides away with the posse.
-
- * * * * *
-
-We’re sad. Doggone, it sure is a sad sight to see our compatriot in
-the hands of the law. We smokes a while, and then I turns to Chuck—
-
-“Where is that seven thousand, Chuck?” He looks, queer-like, at me for
-a moment, and shakes his head.
-
-“Danged if I know, Hen.”
-
-“You had it, didn’t yuh?”
-
-“Nope. Listen; I held up that stage before it got to the ford. Sabe? I
-was going to chase Ricky away and drive it myself. Figured I’d have
-some fun with Telescope. Sabe? Well, I scared —— out of Ricky. He
-ain’t got no nerves anyway, and——”
-
-“Wait!” yelps Muley. “Do you mean to set there and tell us that you
-scared Ricky so bad that he didn’t know your physique from
-Telescope’s? How about the limp?”
-
-“Don’t rush me!” snaps Chuck. “Telescope was so cocky about that
-picture stuff that I figured to have some fun. Did yuh ever walk on
-stilts? Well, I did when I was a kid. I made me a pair that just
-filled my boots, and pulled a flour sack over my head. Limp?
-
-“Of course I’d limp. I danged near fell on my face when I yelled for
-him to stop. I made him get out and walk back up the road, and told
-him if he stopped I’d perforate him. I took the box off the seat,
-which I figured was that shipment, and looks her over. On it in big
-letters she proclaims to be dynamite. I lays that box back on the
-seat, gets my stilt tangled in a wheel, and fell plumb off the grade.
-
-“Well, the team ran away, that’s all I know. I figured that Ricky
-would stop ’em—they wasn’t running fast.”
-
-“What kind of a looking box?” asks Muley.
-
-“Wooden box with two ends and four sides. Regular dynamite box.”
-
-“Well described,” applauds Muley. “All we got to find is a wooden box,
-with two ends and four sides.”
-
-Art Miller comes back in about an hour for some things of Telescope’s,
-and we talks it over with him.
-
-“Must ’a’ been Telescope or the party what held her up that other
-time,” says he. “The feller that me and Chuck fussed around with
-didn’t have no limp.”
-
-“Maybe the exercise that you and Chuck gave him made him stiff and
-sore,” I suggests, and Art grins. “Maybe. Funny thing about that
-hold-up. After that feller helps himself he must ’a’ scared that team,
-’cause they runs away and scatters things all the way up to ‘Mighty’
-Jones’ place, where they smashes a front wheel on a stump and stops.
-
-“Ricky says there was a box of dynamite from the Golden Cross, the
-same of which he holds careful in the seat. He said that he was meek
-when held up, ’cause he was afraid that feller might shoot into that
-box. That box is a goner, and it’s a wonder it didn’t blow that outfit
-to thunder—unless that’s the treasure-box.”
-
-Art pilgrims back towards town, and we all starts for the corral.
-
-“Where yuh going?” asks Muley.
-
-“After some dynamite dough,” says all three of us together.
-
-We rides up and down that road from the ford to Mighty’s place, but we
-don’t find nothing. We stops at the old Soda Springs trail, which
-shows fresh tracks. By mutual consent we turns up the trail. About
-half a mile up the crick we discovers a camp.
-
-We recognizes old “Frenchy” Timmons as the party humped over the fire,
-tossing flapjacks, so we rides up and greets him. He’s got a couple of
-moth-eaten burros nosing around his little tent. Frenchy is so crooked
-that he’s suspicious of himself. He’s one of them kind of prospectors
-what goes around with the feeling that every man what speaks kindly to
-him is laying to beat him out of the next strike he makes. He looks up
-through a decade of whiskers and grunts a greeting.
-
-“How’s your stock of location notices holding out, Frenchy?” asks
-Muley. “For a man with only two burros you can make more ‘discoveries’
-than any sourdough I ever seen.”
-
-“Yah-h-h-h!” gurgles Frenchy, way back in the whiskers. “I find heem
-sometame, Mooley.”
-
-“You dang well know yuh—yuh sure have, Frenchy. Look!”
-
-Muley points behind Frenchy, and there one end sticking out of the
-brush, is a wooden box, and the word “DYNAMITE” fairly yelps at us in
-big letters.
-
-Frenchy turns to see what we’re looking at, and the son-of-a-gun
-reaches for his six-shooter. He was years too late. Me and Chuck have
-him covered before he can touch his gun, and he stands there like a
-lamb, while Muley balances that box in front of him on the
-saddle-horn.
-
-“Next time yuh better find out who owns things before yuh picks ’em up
-for yourself,” advises Chuck. “Throw that gun over in the brush!
-That’s the stuff. Now keep your mouth shut! Sabe?”
-
-Frenchy didn’t say a word, but we can see that he’s a heap annoyed. We
-strings out down the trail, and when we’re about two hundred yards
-from the camp, comes a splintering noise, and the report of a big
-rifle. Me and Chuck throws our broncs off the trail and gets down. We
-can hear Muley complaining about things, and we asks him why he feels
-so cross.
-
-“Danged old pelican!” he wails. “That bullet cut the corner off our
-box!”
-
-“You still got it, ain’t yuh?” I asks.
-
-“Uh-huh, I got her, Hen, but she almost met her Waterloo on a rock.
-Reckon it loosened all the nails. Shall we go back and smoke up that
-old coot?”
-
-“Next Christmas,” replies Chuck. “That old coot has got a Sharps
-.45-70, and the Warners don’t care for that style of death. He’s
-crazy, Muley, and we’d put ourselves in his class if we went back.”
-
-We lifts that box back on Muley’s saddle, and went on.
-
-We hits the road, and makes good lime for a mile or two, when we meets
-Mighty Jones. He stops and we exchanges pleasantries. We comments on
-the weather, the crops—which theer ain’t none—and the general wear and
-tear on the human race. Muley switches the position of that box, and
-the next second we’re covered by Mighty Jones. I starts to grin, but
-when I sees that Mighty is in earnest I irons my face out flat again.
-
-“Hands up!” he snaps, and Muley lets that box slip. She hits the
-ground and rolls over. I glances at Mighty, and he’s got the look on
-his face of a man who has seen all there is in life, but ain’t ready
-to go blind.
-
-“My ——!” he gasps, whirls his bronc around and gallops off down the
-road like a crazy man, holding on to his hat with one hand and fanning
-his bronc with the other.
-
-We watches him fade away in the dust, and puts our hands down.
-
-“Of all the locoed actions on earth that’s the sharp end of the
-limit,” proclaims Muley, sliding off his bronc.
-
-That last shock was almost too much for that box, ’cause when Muley
-essays to lift her she sort ’a’ opened on one end.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Muley holds his position for a moment, straightens up and gets on his
-bronc without taking his eyes off the box. He spurs his bronc,
-easy-like, until he’s a few feet away from that box, and then he
-imitates Mighty Jones.
-
-Me and Chuck puffs away on our cigarets and watches Muley depart.
-
-“I’ll likely get scared, too, but I’m taking a chance,” states Chuck,
-and walks over to the box.
-
-He sighs deep-like, and takes off his hat.
-
-“Henry Peck, there must be a Supreme Being what watches over fools and
-cow-punchers. This box is full of eighty per cent. dynamite. Come and
-take a look.”
-
-“Your word is as good as gold, Chuck. That stuff must have a good
-disposition to stand all that grief. Let’s go home before something
-happens to irritate it.”
-
-We finds Muley at the ford, but he ain’t got much to say. He asks
-Chuck if he saw what was in that box, and Chuck said that he did.
-
-“Wonderful!” exclaims Muley. “It stood rough handling but I never
-thought a face like yours could look upon eighty per cent. dynamite
-and not explode it. That’s why I went away so rapid.”
-
-The old man is home when we gets there, and he announces that
-Telescope and Archibald Ames are still in jail.
-
-“What does Archibald have to say about it?” I asks.
-
-“That fat four-flusher!” yelps the old man. “He says that Telescope
-might ’a’ done it. Of course this Ames feller don’t fit the
-description, but he might at least—aw——”
-
-“I’m going down to see Telescope,” announces Muley.
-
- “He lies down there in durance vile
- Behind the bolts and locks,
- With prison staring in his face
- ’Cause we can’t find that box.
- That held a little bunch of gold,
- Which was labeled dynamite.
- Will we let our pal wear striped clothes?”
-
-“Not by a gol-danged sight!” I finishes, being somewhat of a poet
-myself.
-
-Muley shakes my hand and invites me to join the Perverted Order of
-Paradise Poets, of which he’s the only living member.
-
-“Don’t tell too much down there, Muley,” advises Chuck. “If you runs
-off at the mouth I might get eased into jail, and that would cut down
-the number of detectives on the case. Sabe?”
-
-“Fear not,” says Muley. “I go but to bring cheer to the needy. I will
-be back anon.”
-
-About three hours later Doughgod Smith rides in, and we walks out to
-where him and the old man are greeting each other.
-
-“If this keeps on, Whittaker, you’re going to be short of men,” states
-Doughgod.
-
-“Huh!” grunts the old man. “One man don’t make no difference this time
-of year. Three punchers is enough to set around and play cards, and
-eat up good grub.”
-
-“You only got two left now,” says Doughgod. “Muley’s in jail, too.”
-
-“Muley!” snorts the old man. “What’s he in for?”
-
-“Stealing dynamite from Mighty Jones.”
-
-Chuck had started to set down on his heels, but when Doughgod’s
-information hits his ears he sprawls flat on his back and blinks at
-the sky. I starts to lean on a buckboard wheel that is ten feet away,
-and I ends up on my back with my feet over the tongue.
-
-“Mighty spoke of some folks being accessory to the fact, too,” states
-Doughgod, offhand-like.
-
-“Stealing dynamite!” yelps the old man. “Where, when and what for?”
-
-“I don’t know. Mighty comes to town and acts like a man what has had
-delirious delight scared out of him. He anchors to Pelly’s bar until
-he’s gained normal again, and then he speaks knowingly of
-powder-thieves. Mighty’s half-loco, and what ain’t loco is
-absent-mindness, but just the same he has Muley arrested, and he hints
-of more arrests as soon as certain persons hit town. I seen Muley, and
-he said if I came this way to have Chuck and Hen come to see him.”
-
-“That’s right,” agrees the old man. “We’ll all go down.”
-
-“Not me,” says I. “I got rheumatic pains in my knees. Notice how I
-fell over that buckboard handle? I ain’t myself today, and I simply
-couldn’t stand it to ride.”
-
-“Neither could I,” says Chuck. “I’m sore all over. Let’s wait until
-tomorrow. Muley will be there just the same.”
-
-“We’ll go in the buckboard,” says the old man. “In a case like this
-I’d go if I had to walk.”
-
-“I’d admire to walk,” says Chuck, but the old man goes after the team,
-and me and Chuck helps each other limp to the bunk-house.
-
-“Shake hands with a murderer, Henry,” says Chuck, offering his hand.
-“I’ve killed the old man and crippled Doughgod for life—in my mind.
-You and me will spend the evening and night in the Paradise jail,
-Henry Clay Peck.”
-
-“Can’t yuh think of nothing cheerful to sing?” I asks. “If we’re in
-jail we never will find that box. Think!”
-
-“Think ——!” yelps Chuck, going to the door. “I’m going to enjoy the
-untainted air as long as I can.”
-
-I rustles out my war-sack and puts on clean clothes. It’s liable to be
-some time before I gets a chance to change again. Chuck comes back
-after a while and sets down on the bunk, disconsolate-like, and plays
-“Just Before the Battle, Mother” on his mouth-organ. Pretty soon the
-old man yells to us.
-
-We walks out, slow-like, and I climbs, painfully, into the seat with
-the old man. Chuck holds the team by the bits until we’re all set.
-Then he lets loose and hops aboard as we goes past. We whirls out of
-the yard and hits the road on the run. Sudden-like that equipage does
-a high dive on one side, and yours truly stands on his head in a
-mesquite bush.
-
-When I gets through making a cactus pincushion of my cranium, I riseth
-up and looks around.
-
-Down the road about fifty yards sets the old man, gazing off down the
-road, and cussing at a piece of line he’s still got in one hand. I
-hears a groan across the road, and Chuck’s head sticks up out of the
-brush. The old man gets up out of the road and painfully dusts off the
-seat of his pants. He plods up to us and looks us over.
-
-“By cripes!” he snorts, “I ain’t suspicious of nobody on earth. I’m a
-man among men, and I don’t suspicion nobody, but if that wasn’t foul
-play I’ll eat the whole ranch. Now, I’ll haul you hombres to town in a
-lumber wagon.”
-
-He plods on to the house, while I extracts cactus spines and cuss
-words from my carcass. Chuck limps over and rubs his hip.
-
-“Light on a rock?” I asks, and he feels of his hip some more.
-
-He reaches into his hip pocket, takes out an object and tosses it on
-the ground.
-
-“Lit right on the darned thing!” he groans.
-
-It’s the nut off a front wheel of that buckboard. I kicks it off into
-the brush, and rolls a smoke.
-
-“Well,” says he, after a while, “you can give me credit for blocking
-the wheels of progress for a minute, can’t yuh? I’ll likely have to
-stand up all the way to town.”
-
-“We’ll get plenty of time to rest,” says I.
-
- * * * * *
-
-We got to Paradise, but it wasn’t no pleasure-ride, and the first
-person we see is Mighty Jones.
-
-Mighty seems to have drowned his feelings, and he’s spending his
-afternoon trying to hold up the hitch-rack. The old man goes in the
-saloon, but me and Chuck goes over to have a interview with our enemy.
-He nods at us like an owl.
-
-“Tut-tut-tried to bub-blow me up,” he stutters, “Tha’s mean thing
-to-to-to do.”
-
-“Tell us all about it, old-timer,” says Chuck, helping the old boy let
-loose of the rack, and leading him over to the sidewalk. “What’s all
-this dynamite stuff I’m hearing about?”
-
-Mighty gets very deliberate in his language:
-
-“Eighty pershent. Tha’s good powder. Sabe? Good powder but too
-ener-zhetic. Know what I mean? Mine’s eighty per shent. Stage runs
-away and sehtops at my place. I find box of shixty per shent. Sabe?
-Eighty too dangeroush to pack, so I exchanges. Sabe. Same price.
-Eighty per shent too easy on trigger. Know what I mean? Lissen;
-shomebody mus’ ’a’ stole that eighty from the stage, and I can’ fin’
-mine. Sabe?”
-
-“Think!” yelps Chuck. “Think where yuh put it, Mighty!”
-
-Mighty bobs his head and screws up his face:
-
-“I know. Tha’s the box Muley tried to assassinate me with.”
-
-“That was eighty per cent.!” yells Chuck. “Doyuh get that? It was
-eighty per cent.!”
-
-“Zas so? Fool to drop eighty per shent. Awful careless.”
-
-“Where did you put that box you took off the stage?” I asks,
-pronouncing every word distinct and separate.
-
-Mighty is so danged absent-minded that yuh got to make him remember.
-
-“You took it out of the stage, and then what did you do with it?”
-
-“Somebody must ’a’ stole—whoa! I know! In the woodshed. I thought I
-put it in the barn. Ain’ that the limit? Mus’ go and turn poor old
-Muley loosh. Yes, sir. He never stole nothing.”
-
-“That’s right,” applauds Chuck. “Go right over and tell the sheriff to
-turn him loose.”
-
-“I got to shee Ricky firsht,” states the old pelican, wise as a barn
-owl. “Mus’ shee if Ricky wants to hold him for stealing that eighty
-per shent. Mighty Jones is law-abiding pershon. Know what I mean?”
-
-We watches Mighty weave down the street, and Chuck grins all over his
-face—
-
-“We’ll find Telescope’s and Muley’s broncs, and we’ll go up to Mighty
-Jones’ woodshed and rescue that money.”
-
-We finds both broncs in Pelly’s barn, so we saddles up and fares
-forth. We don’t fare far until we meets Bill McFee. We stops and asks
-Bill if there’s anything new.
-
-“Nope,” says he. “I reckon we got ’em in jail.”
-
-“So?” says Chuck. “Bill, how would you like to take a ride with us and
-bring back that seven thousand?”
-
-Bill grins like it was a good joke:
-
-“Uh-huh. I’d admire that. What’s the joke?”
-
-“Ain’t no joke, Sheriff,” says I. “You go with us and bring the gold
-back. Is that satisfactory?”
-
-“I’d admire to know a little more.”
-
-“Not at all necessary,” says Chuck. “Election is only three months
-away, and the credit ain’t going to hurt yuh none, Bill.”
-
-“That’s sensible,” agrees Bill. “I’m with yuh.”
-
-Bill attempts to find out things, but we don’t talk much, and it’s
-dark when we climbs off at Mighty’s place. We hikes right over to the
-woodshed. Bill lights a match and looks inside, drops the match and
-don’t stop running for a hundred yards. Me and Chuck gallops with him
-for a ways, sort of sympathetic-like.
-
-“Bobcats!” whistles Bill. “Shed’s full of ’em!”
-
-Yuh never can tell what kind of a pet a nut like Mighty is liable to
-have, so we ain’t surprised a lot.
-
-“I ain’t afraid of no cat what ever lived,” states Chuck. “I’m going
-to get that box in spite of anything.”
-
-We pilgrims up close again, with our guns ready. Chuck finds an old
-newspaper, which he lights, and we peeks around the corner of the
-door, and looks right into the shiny eyes of two big cats. Three guns
-goes off at the same time, and three men went away. There ain’t a
-sound from the shed, so we sneaks back.
-
-“That’s good shooting,” applauds Bill. “Two shots killed ’em both,
-’cause I shot in the ground.”
-
-“Sure was,” I agrees, “I did, too.”
-
-“Wonderful!” agrees Chuck. “They must ’a’ jumped high, ’cause mine
-went through the roof.”
-
-Chuck tosses in that burning paper. Them cats are still there but
-don’t move.
-
-“Rugs!” snorts Chuck. “Mighty is sort of a taxidermist, and he put
-them eyes in himself. They sure look natural.”
-
-We found that box. Chuck makes a presentation speech to the minion of
-the law, who recites a few appropriate words in return. Bill takes the
-box on his saddle-horn, and we goes back to Paradise.
-
-We gets McGuire and all the rest of Paradise’s population to see the
-grand opening. We assembles in Pelly’s saloon and Mike furnishes the
-hammer.
-
-“Gents,” states Bill, “this ain’t a complete exoneration of Telescope
-and Ames, but I reckon it clears ’em a plenty. The law recovers said
-stolen property, but I’ll let Mister Warner and Mister Peck tell the
-story. I can hunt lost things but I can’t tell a interesting story
-like some folks.”
-
-“You better superintend this, McGuire,” he continues. “It’s a lot of
-wealth to look upon.”
-
-He tears the top boards off, and Paradise gazes a plenty.
-
-Me and Chuck takes one gaze, and slips loose. We meets at the door,
-ambles around the corner and forks our broncs. I follers Chuck’s lead,
-and about a mile from town we stops and looks back.
-
-“Henry,” says he, sad-like, “who do you suppose put them rocks in that
-box?”
-
-“If I knew I’d be a murderer,” says I, and then it strikes me funny.
-“Box of scab-rock guarded by two mounted bobcats! Haw! Haw! Haw!
-Mister McFee, we hereby puts in your care and custody one box, the
-value of same being problematical. You being a duly elected officer of
-the law, and, we having faith in your integrity and sense of duty,
-turneth over said box to be dealt with as yuh see fit,” says I,
-quoting Chuck’s woodshed speech.
-
-“Value being problematical takes the curse of anyway, Hen,” says he.
-
-It’s about midnight when we arrives at the Cross J. The old man is in
-the bunk-house, and he looks us over, sad-like.
-
-“What are you fellers trying to do?” he asks. “The sheriff sure is one
-sore person. Says he can prove that one or both of you was mixed up in
-that robbery.”
-
-“Aw ——!” snorts Chuck. “I thought it was the right box.”
-
-“It was. McGuire identified it. The question is this: you knowed where
-the box was—where are the contents? That’s what Paradise wants to
-know.”
-
-“Paradise ain’t got nothing on us, eh, Chuck?” says I. “If they wanted
-to know any worse than we do they’d all be sick.”
-
-Me and Chuck talks it all over and decides that the longer we’re out
-of jail the more they’ll have against us when we do get in, so we
-decide to give ourself up before we’re liable to capital punishment.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The next morning we rides away to be locked up in self-defense. Just
-outside of Paradise we overtakes an Injun. He’s jogging along on a
-glass-eyed pinto, and he grins when he sees Chuck. Chuck stands in
-with all the aborigines.
-
-“Hello, Tenas Charley,” grins the buck.
-
-“Hello, Hiawatha,” grins Chuck. “Where you go so early?”
-
-“You sabe Doc Milliken?”
-
-“You bet. Why you wantum?”
-
-“Givum letter. Me got letter. White man hurtum leg. No walk. Me go to
-Doc Milliken. Sabe?”
-
-He fusses around in his blanket and produces a piece of paper. Chuck
-takes the paper and reads the few words. He hands me the letter and
-grins. It reads like this:
-
- Hurt my leg. Follow the Injun to me.
-
-There ain’t no name signed.
-
-“Heap scared,” informs the Injun. “Hurtum leg on tree.”
-
-“Where you camp?” asks Chuck, and we gets informed that it’s on Little
-Beaver Crick. Chuck gives him back the letter, and swings around. “So
-long, Setting Bull,” says he, and the Injun grins and bobs off down
-the road.
-
-“Now where?” I asks, and Chuck grins, “Slippery Silverton!” he whoops.
-“If it was anybody around here they’d ‘a’ signed their name. He’s
-hived up with that Injun, and we’re going to land him, Henry. Maybe
-he’s got the gold, too.”
-
-It didn’t take us long to find that camp. We advances on foot. There’s
-a white man setting on the sunny side of that teepee, and he’s in
-blissful ignorance until me and Chuck lands on his shoulders like two
-playful bears. He gets energetic, but Chuck taps him on the head with
-his gun, and we hog-ties him proper. When he opens his eyes Chuck
-grins at him an’ says—
-
-“Hello, Slippery.”
-
-He don’t say a word.
-
-“Don’t talk,” advises Chuck. “Yuh might wear out your teeth.”
-
-The feller looks at us, foolish-like, so we hoists him up on Chuck’s
-bronc, and Chuck rides behind him. Once he opened his mouth and spoke
-one line:
-
-“You fellers are an hour late.”
-
-That’s all he said. I reckon Chuck hit him pretty hard.
-
-We pilgrims right into Paradise, and up to Pelly’s saloon. There ain’t
-a soul in sight, but we observes signs of life down where we holds our
-court. We takes our captive down there, cuts the ropes off his legs
-and takes him inside.
-
-The place is crowded and Telescope is on the stand. We gets in just in
-time to hear the judge ask Telescope if he can think of any earthly
-reason why he shouldn’t be held for the next term of court.
-
-“A lot of reason, Judge!” yells Chuck, pushing our prisoner up to the
-front. “Here’s the main reason. Gents, I makes yuh used to Slippery
-Silverton!”
-
-“Silverton ——!” I hears McGuire yelp.
-
-“That’s the owner of the Golden Cross mine, Mister Warde,” And then he
-horns his way over to our prisoner and snorts—“What does this all
-mean?”
-
-“I don’t know,” says the feller. “I—— I must ’a’ got hurt. Unless I’m
-mistaken I came part-way from the mine with Joe Allerton. We had that
-gold shipment. We sent out two decoy boxes on account of so many
-robberies. We rode across the hills. Joe figured on just making that
-train. He went to Helena. I wanted a pair of moccasins, and Joe left
-me at that Indian teepee. The owner wasn’t there, so I waited. That’s
-all, I guess. Somebody jumped on to me and—here I am.”
-
-“The—the gold didn’t come down yesterday?” gasps McGuire, and Warde
-shakes his head, painful-like. “No. Just a box of rocks.”
-
-Just then in comes Doc Milliken.
-
-“Say!” he yells. “Will one of you strong men come and help me set a
-man’s leg? Mighty Jones cut a tree the wrong way and it lit on him.
-Lucky he was found by an Injun, who came for help. He was able to send
-a note but fainted before he could sign his name. All I want is
-somebody to hold him down. He’s so absent-minded that he’s liable to
-run away. He says to tell Ricky Henderson that his box of dynamite is
-either in the hay-loft or under his cabin floor. He can’t remember
-which.”
-
-Art Miller is standing close to Chuck, and Chuck grabs him by the arm
-and whispers—“What does a new wheel for your stage cost, Art?”
-
-“About eight dollars, Chuck—why?” “Here’s ten. Don’t ask me.”
-
-While there is plenty of talk me and Chuck backs out and rides out of
-town. We’re in the bunk-house when Telescope and Muley and the old man
-comes home. Telescope and Muley comes in and looks us over,
-solemn-like. Pretty soon Muley climbs up on the bunk and recites, with
-appropriate gestures and feeling:
-
- “Let me sing yuh a song of four danged fools,
- Four punchers whose brains are nix,
- Who done some things they ought not to do,
- And got in a —— of a fix.
- One was stuck on himself and wanted to be
- Admired at ten cents a throw.
- Another wore stilts so he’d look like a man,
- When he went out after the dough.
- Three of the fools fooled with dynamite,
- One beat up an innocent man.
- The price of a wheel was all that it cost.
- You may beat it—I don’t think yuh can.”
-
-“Beautiful,” says I. “You’ve got a soul, Muley. There’s still that box
-of dynamite of Mighty’s to account for.”
-
-“He picked it up on his way home,” says Muley. “That’s settled.”
-
-“Did Archibald Ames get his local color?” I asks, and Telescope shakes
-his head. “Archibald Ames didn’t wait for nothing. He even hired
-somebody to drive him to Silver Bend. I asked him what he wanted me to
-do, and he told me to go to a place where they don’t cut holes in the
-ice.”
-
-“You’ll miss them meals in bed,” sympathizes Chuck, wiggling his ears,
-and ducks outdoors just in time.
-
-A boot-jack splintered on the door behind him.
-
-“Well, it ended all right anyway,” grunts Muley. “How’d yuh say yuh
-hurt that leg, Telescope?”
-
-Telescope peeks out of the door, and then limps back to me and Muley.
-
-“I didn’t go to Bowers’ that first day the stage was robbed,” he
-whispers. “Don’t breathe it to a soul. I wouldn’t have Chuck hear it
-for a million.”
-
-We holds up our right hands.
-
-“Well,” says he, “that cottonwood snag they made me climb didn’t have
-no bark on it, and when I started down I slid too fast. Sabe?”
-
-“Chuck was right!” I snorts. “He sure told the truth that time.”
-
-Telescope hops to his feet and grabs me by the arms.
-
-“What do yuh mean, Hen? What did Chuck say?”
-
-“He said it sure was slippery,” says I.
-
-
-[Transcriber’s Note: This story appeared in the August 3, 1918
-issue of Adventure magazine.]
-
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- <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Dough or Dynamite, by W. C. Tuttle</title>
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- p { text-indent:1.15em; margin-top:0.1em; margin-bottom:0.1em; text-align:justify; }
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- .poetry .stanza { margin-top:0.7em; margin-bottom:0.7em; margin-left:4em; }
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-<body>
-<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Dough or Dynamite, by W. C. Tuttle</p>
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
-at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
-are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
-country where you are located before using this eBook.
-</div>
-
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Dough or Dynamite</p>
- <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: W. C. Tuttle</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: December 7, 2021 [eBook #66898]</p>
-<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p>
- <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Roger Frank and Sue Clark</p>
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DOUGH OR DYNAMITE ***</div>
-<div class='mt01 mb01 wi001'>
- <img src='images/illus-001.jpg' alt='' style='width:100%' />
-</div>
-<div style='text-align:center; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto; '>
-<h1 style='font-size:1.4em;'>DOUGH OR DYNAMITE</h1>
-<div style='margin-top:1em;'>By W. C. TUTTLE</div>
-<div style='font-size:0.8em;margin-top:0.4em;margin-bottom:1.6em;'>Author of “Clean Crazy,” “Monkeying with Ancestors,” etc.</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>Me and “Muley” Bowles and “Chuck” Warner are putting a saddle on a
-colt in the Cross J corral, when “Telescope” Tolliver enters the
-precincts of said ranch, and we gets our first glimpse of Archibald
-Ames.</p>
-
-<p>Archibald occupies a seat on the buckboard with Telescope, and they
-soon comes over and climbs on top of the corral fence. Archibald’s
-name fits him—in a way. The length of his first name indicates his
-girth and his last name his height. He’s one of them persons who you’d
-never invite to set down, ’cause he don’t seem to require no such
-posture.</p>
-
-<p>It takes him quite a long time to negotiate the top-pole of the
-corral, and when he does get up there he has to balance—his feet won’t
-reach the next pole. He’s wearing them dinky little pants, with the
-seat of a shoplifter and the knees of Lord Fauntleroy. His calves
-perspire in shiny leggings, and for a hat he wears a libel on the name
-of Stetson.</p>
-
-<p>Muley gives him a passing glance, yanks up another notch on the cinch,
-and grunts—</p>
-
-<p>“What’ll we do with it?”</p>
-
-<p>“Love it to death or render it out,” grunts Chuck. “Looks to me like
-one of them playthings for kids that yuh can’t tip over and make it
-stay down. Let’s give this colt a chance to breathe, while we peers a
-little closer at this attraction.”</p>
-
-<p>We ambles over and looks up at the critter’s soles.</p>
-
-<p>“Mister Ames,” orates Telescope, “I’m obliged to make yuh used to
-Muley Bowles. He’s the sylph-like critter in woolly chaps. That one
-with the sad, horse-faced features is Chuck Warner, the anti-George
-Washington of Yaller Rock County, and the other person down there is
-Henry Peck. They’re all harmless.</p>
-
-<p>“Bunch, this is Mister Archibald Ames, who is to be with us for a
-spell.”</p>
-
-<p>“I’m pleased to meet yuh,” smiles Archie.</p>
-
-<p>“You ought to be,” agrees Muley. “It ain’t often that we shows this
-much interest in a stranger. What seems to bring yuh hither?”</p>
-
-<p>“I brung him,” states Telescope. “Mister Ames is looking for local
-color. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“What’s he done, and is he wanted by Federal, State or county?” asks
-Chuck, serious-like, wiggling his ears.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck can wiggle his ears just like a mule.</p>
-
-<p>“Done what?” grunts Telescope. “Chuck, you boob, don’t yuh know what
-local color is?”</p>
-
-<p>“I’ll bite,” grins Chuck. “Go ahead and spring it, Telescope.”</p>
-
-<p>Telescope clears his throat, rolls a cigaret and glares at Chuck, who
-glares right back, and wiggles his ears.</p>
-
-<p>“Look at them ears!” applauds Archibald. “I’d love to get a close-up
-of them.”</p>
-
-<p>“Mister,” reproves Chuck, “it ain’t seemly that a stranger should set
-on top of a corral and make remarks about the physical failings of a
-native son. Keep on at the pace you’ve started, and that spell that
-Telescope spoke about can be spelled in four letters: g-o-n-e. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“You got a lot to say about it, now ain’t yuh?” reproves Telescope.
-“You ain’t nothing around here but a forty-dollar puncher. You got a
-lot of chance to tell visitors where to head in. Come on, Mister Ames,
-and we’ll go up and see the man what owns this ranch, and ain’t no
-more sense than to pay forty dollars to a runt like that.”</p>
-
-<p>They climbs down and goes up to the ranch-house.</p>
-
-<p>“Haw! Haw! Haw!” whoops Muley, shaking every ounce of his two hundred
-and forty pounds of bone and lard. “Haw! Haw! ‘Come on, Mister Ames,
-and we go up to see the man’—haw, haw, haw! You will tell folks where
-to head in at, will yuh?”</p>
-
-<p>Muley is a poet. There might ’a’ been as good rhymers as him once upon
-a time, but they’re all dead and departed. Muley is the he-buzzard of
-the flock right now. He hangs on to the side of the corral and wipes
-the tears out of his eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Gosh!” he snorts. “Telescope sure showed his breeding, Chuck. Yuh
-could tell he’s been well raised. Sticks his chin up in the air, like
-a grouse with a goiter, and proclaims: ‘Come on with me, Mister Ames.’
-Haw! Haw! Haw!”</p>
-
-<p>“Some day I’m going to reach up and hang my fist on his jaw,”
-proclaims Chuck.</p>
-
-<p>“You better catch him in bed or carry a ladder with yuh,” says I. “You
-got ambition, Chuck, but your height ain’t noways adequate.”</p>
-
-<p>A little later old man Whittaker, who owns the Cross J outfit, comes
-out with Archibald, and them two goes back to town in the buckboard.
-Telescope comes down to the bunk-house and sets down in our midst.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck gives him a mean look, and goes on playing solitaire. Telescope
-admires himself in our cracked shaving-mirror.</p>
-
-<p>“Better fix your features in your mind, Telescope, ’cause you’re sure
-going to need a pattern after Chuck gets through with yuh,” laughs
-Muley.</p>
-
-<p>“That banty little ear-wiggler!” snorts Telescope. “I got a feeling
-that I ain’t going to punch cows much longer.”</p>
-
-<p>“Dead men punch no cows,” states Chuck. “Your perceptions are getting
-clearer.”</p>
-
-<p>“Where do yuh feel bad, Telescope?” I asks. “Tell papa where it
-hurts.”</p>
-
-<p>“Aw ——!” Telescope turns from the mirror and glares at us. “I’m glad
-I’m going to get away from you half-wits.”</p>
-
-<p>“Has the old man been kicking on yuh wasting so much time over at the
-Bowers ranch, holding hands with Miss Amy, or has that tumble-bug yuh
-had down to the corral been whispering sweet nothings in your ear?”
-asks Chuck.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>“You leave Miss Bowers’ name out of it!” snaps Telescope. “Mister Ames
-is a moving-picture man, and I may cease punching the festive cow to
-play hero parts for him. Me and him have had quite some conversation
-regarding same, and he assures me that I’ve got the physique and
-features for a lead.”</p>
-
-<p>“You got the physique and features for a funeral if yuh don’t quit
-wearing my red tie,” says I. “That’s right—throw it on the floor. If
-yuh wants to make a hit with folks, why don’t yuh buy some clothes of
-your own?”</p>
-
-<p>“Tell us all about it, little one,” begs Muley, resting his fat chin
-on his hands, and squinting at Telescope.</p>
-
-<div class='poetry-container'>
-<div class='poetry'>
-<div class='stanza'>
-<div class='verse'>“Sing us a song of a locoed man,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Who got stuck on your face and shape—</div>
-<div class='verse'>A form that was built by accident,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>And the face of a Jungle ape.</div>
-<div class='verse'>Sing us a song of a keeper bold,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Who went sound asleep one day,</div>
-<div class='verse'>A keeper who’s going to show up soon,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>And lead little Archie away.”</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>“I’ll tell yuh nothing!” yelps Telescope. “You fellers are just plumb
-ignorant.”</p>
-
-<p>“Ain’t it true?” nods Chuck. “I’d take a job, too, if I was begged.”</p>
-
-<p>“You!” snorts Telescope. “Haw, haw, haw! Mister Ames told me that if
-he wanted something for the public to laugh at he’d sure hire you. No,
-Chuckie. This is a moving picture—not a sideshow.”</p>
-
-<p>“Here’s the idea,” continues Telescope. “Mister Ames wants something
-real. He wants real punchers and——”</p>
-
-<p>“Ninety-eight cents in Chicago,” nods Chuck. “I seen in a mail-order
-catalog where yuh could get good ones for——”</p>
-
-<p>“He wants a real hold-up,” states Telescope. “He wants a stage held
-up, and he don’t want no fake. Sabe? Somehow he’s got the idea that I
-could do it artistic-like.”</p>
-
-<p>“Your experience will help yuh out,” nods Chuck. “There was a hold-up
-over in Mexican Cañon once, and the feller——”</p>
-
-<p>“Sufficient, Chuck!” snorts Muley, and Chuck winks at me.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, of course it wasn’t done by one man,” murmurs Chuck. “One of
-the posse shot the horns off a animile and made a muley. Correct me if
-I appear to be wrong,”</p>
-
-<p>“You stand corrected,” states Muley. “Desist from historical romance,
-or I’ll remember one Summer afternoon down in Cottonwood, when a
-certain man went into a bank, and ——”</p>
-
-<p>“I accepts the correction,” admits Chuck, playing a red queen on a red
-king, and Telescope continues:</p>
-
-<p>“You fellers keep this under your hats. Sabe? Along about Wednesday
-afternoon I’m going to hold up the stage from Piperock. Of course
-after it’s over I’ll return everything, and all the while this picture
-will be taken. He wants to advertise it as a real hold-up, and she
-will be all that.”</p>
-
-<p>“Going south, as she drags out of Hell Gate Crossing,” orates Chuck.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s the designated place,” grins Telescope. “You must ’a’ been
-studying the situation, Chuck.”</p>
-
-<p>“Suppose somebody takes a shot at yuh?” I suggests. “Art Miller ain’t
-no suckling infant, and if there’s a shipment from the Golden Cross
-aboard there might be a guard.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yuh never can tell about them shipments,” agrees Chuck. “I’ve tried
-several times to find out.”</p>
-
-<p>“No wonder yuh know a good place,” laughs Telescope. “Never mind,
-there ain’t going to be no shooting. I’ll have ’em buffaloed. My
-shells will all be blanks. If I makes good in this I cinches a job
-with Archibald Ames, and it’s good-by to the Cross J. No more will
-Mister Tolliver ride the hills and smell of burnt hair and corrals.
-Poor, eh? I’ll be eating breakfast in bed while Chuck Warner is out
-chopping holes in the ice so the doggies can drink.”</p>
-
-<p>“A little more such talk and yuh won’t have to be a actor to get
-breakfast in bed,” states Chuck. “Keep it up, and you’ll have all your
-meals in bed. If you wants to hear me say what I think about you being
-a actor you got to come outside. I got too much respect for the
-bunk-house to express myself here.”</p>
-
-<p>This day being Monday, we has to put up with that kind of conversation
-until Tuesday afternoon, when Chuck opines that he’s going up to
-Piperock. Chuck can’t stand prosperity, and Tuesday is payday. He’s a
-roulette fiend, and he runs into bad luck every time he bucks a wheel
-in Paradise, so he wearies his bronc with monthly trips to Piperock.
-Once he won eight dollars up there. It cost him forty but he never
-figured that side of the ledger.</p>
-
-<p>Anyway we wishes him many happy returns of the day, and he lopes away.
-As he forks his bronc he grins at Telescope, and says:</p>
-
-<p>“To be a good actor, yuh got to imagine you’re the party you’re
-imitating. Just think you’re ‘Slippery’ Silverton, Telescope. He’s a
-good pattern to go by. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>Slippery sure ain’t no imitation. He’s had the Montana officers
-buffaloed for so long that they think he’s more than one man. The
-accumulated rewards for him look like the weekly clean-up at the U. S.
-mint.</p>
-
-<p>Me and Muley wishes to see the proceedings, so we rides down to
-Paradise the next day with Telescope, and has converse with Archibald
-Ames. He squints at the sky and shakes his head.</p>
-
-<p>“I doubt it,” says he. “Too cloudy. Yuh can’t get snappy stuff in
-atmosphere like this, and there can’t be no retake. We’ll let her go
-until tomorrow. I may set up after a while and get some character
-stuff. Lots of local color around here. Good characters, and the
-background is great. Know what I mean?”</p>
-
-<p>“Perfectly,” says I. “Sheep-herders and so forth.”</p>
-
-<p>Telescope opines that old man Bowers’ ranch is calling him, so a
-little later on he rides away, he and Muley horns into a poker game,
-and about an hour later Archibald Ames invades the place and leans
-against the bar. Mike Pelly leaves the table to serve him, but Archie
-ain’t dry. He asks a question—</p>
-
-<p>“Can you tell me where I can get some raw beef?”</p>
-
-<p>He turns to us, and we sees the most wonderful black eye yuh ever
-seen.</p>
-
-<p>“Holy henhawks!” I snorts. “What yuh been doing?”</p>
-
-<p>“I’ll tell yuh,” snorts “Doughgod” Smith, from the doorway. “He’s been
-exhibiting his danged ignorance. He opines to get a picture of a
-shepherd and he picked me!”</p>
-
-<p>“Doughgod ain’t no shepherd,” I explains to Archie.</p>
-
-<p>“This is a —— of a time to tell me!” wails Archie, and he goes across
-the street to a restaurant.</p>
-
-<p>The next we sees of him he’s taking a picture of a rackful of broncs
-and then he goes over and photygrafts a greaser kid and a dog.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>Me and Muley donates as much as we can to Mike’s game, and then quits.
-We wanders down to Art Miller’s barn, and sets down in the sun. We
-haven’t been there long, when we sees the stage drive up to the depot.
-They dumps some stuff off, and then drives down to the barn. Beside
-Art is old man Warner’s son Chuck, and when he sees us he grins all
-over his homely face. Art sees us, and they both whoops.</p>
-
-<p>“Awful funny,” says Muley. “Haw, haw!”</p>
-
-<p>“Any time yuh don’t think it was yuh got another think coming,” whoops
-Chuck, hanging on to a front wheel. “Haw! Haw! Haw! Left the danged
-fool up a—haw, haw, haw—tree!”</p>
-
-<p>Art leans against one of his wheelers, and the tears runs out of his
-eyes.</p>
-
-<p>“Some—haw, haw, haw—picture!” gargles Art. “I ain’t laughed so much in
-my whole life!”</p>
-
-<p>Him and Chuck looks at each other, and busts out laughing again.</p>
-
-<p>“What seems to be tickling yuh?” asks Muley. “Is it a secret?”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, glory!” gasps Chuck. “Listen, you fellers. That’s going to be
-some picture. Telescope held up that stage, but nobody will ever see
-that picture. Haw! Haw! Haw! We drives out of the crossing, and he
-stops us, just like a regular bandit. Of course we know he’s got
-blanks in his gun, but we elevates our hands to make the play good,
-He’s got a sack over his head, so yuh can’t see his face, and I got a
-false mustache on so he won’t know me. I made it myself.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, we kicks the express box off, and sudden-like goes for our
-guns. He must ’a’ been dreaming to let us get the drop thataway. We
-makes him throw his gun in the river. Haw! Haw! Haw!</p>
-
-<p>“Then we makes him put the box back on the stage,” whoops Art. “After
-he gets that done we makes him walk down to the river, and get a big
-rock. Then we marches him back and makes him put it on the empty boot.
-He made ten trips after boulders. Then we makes him dance a while,
-crawl all the way around the outfit on his hands and knees, and to
-finish up we made him climb up an old cottonwood snag, and he’s there
-when we drives out of sight, with our thumbs at our noses at him. Haw!
-Haw!”</p>
-
-<p>“Wait ’till I see Telescope,” promises Chuck, weak-like.</p>
-
-<p>“Haw!” says Muley. “He’d admire to hear it, Chuck. He was here until a
-while ago, and went over to Bowers’.”</p>
-
-<p>“Here? Telescope?” squeaks Chuck.</p>
-
-<p>“Uh-huh,” says I. “it was too cloudy, so we postponed taking that
-picture.”</p>
-
-<p>Art and Chuck looks foolish-like at each other and then at us.</p>
-
-<p>“Well!” says Chuck “I don’t sabe this.”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s the trouble with you, Chuck,” opines Muley. “Art don’t have
-much sabe either. I reckon you fellers had about ten thousand easy
-dollars crawling around your stage on its hands and knees, and just to
-show your contempt for it yuh rode away with your thumbs at your nose
-and your fingers wiggling at it.”</p>
-
-<p>“Sus-slippery Silverton!” stutters Chuck. “That sure was Slippery!
-Ain’t we the dangdest fools on earth!”</p>
-
-<p>“By a majority of two,” agrees Muley, “Telescope will be delighted.”</p>
-
-<p>“My ——!” gasps Art. “Slippery Silverton! I think that box had a
-shipment from the Golden Cross. What a chance I took!”</p>
-
-<p>“All the way from Piperock,” says I, but I don’t think Chuck got it—he
-was beyond words.</p>
-
-<p>Me and Muley went up and had a drink, and Muley laughs so hard that he
-forgot to pay for it. We meets Art a little later on but there ain’t
-much fun joshing him about it.</p>
-
-<p>“It’s on Chuck,” says he. “He explains the joke to me, and as she’s
-pulled off as per schedule I thinks it’s all right.”</p>
-
-<p>“But it spoils things for Telescope,” says I. “You knowing about it
-spoils the hold-up. It might look like a fake. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s right,” agrees Art. “Telescope is a friend of mine and—I got
-it! I’ll make out that I don’t feel good, and I’ll ask ‘Ricky’
-Henderson to drive for me. He wants to come down anyway.”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s fine,” says Muley. “Telescope will make it right with you, and
-we won’t tell him about today.”</p>
-
-<p>That night we don’t have neither Telescope or Chuck with us. Telescope
-is just riding away as we come in, and we don’t have a chance to talk
-with him, and Chuck don’t come home, ’cause he’s too danged ashamed to
-face Telescope.</p>
-
-<p>The next morning the old man sends me and Muley over to the Triangle
-to get some cows that Johnny Myers brought out of the Sleeping Crick
-Hills with some of his, and we misses the picture-taking. We travels
-as fast as we can, but the stage has gone past when we hits the main
-road on our way back. There ain’t nobody at the Hell Gate crossing, so
-we pilgrims on to the ranch.</p>
-
-<p>About an hour later Telescope comes in, and a little later Chuck
-drifts home.</p>
-
-<p>“There seems to be a Jonah on this job,” states Telescope.</p>
-
-<p>“What yuh limping about, Telescope?” asks Chuck.</p>
-
-<p>“Hurt my knee. Reckon it’s a good thing the stage didn’t come down
-today, ’cause I’d ’a’ been a cripple in that picture. Slipped on a
-rock.”</p>
-
-<p>“Stage didn’t come down?” I asks, and Telescope shakes his head.</p>
-
-<p>“Nope. Me and Mister Ames was there for two hours after the time, but
-she don’t show up.”</p>
-
-<p>“Didn’t come down?” wonders Chuck, aloud. “Didn’t go to Paradise?”</p>
-
-<p>“She sure didn’t. Hadn’t been there when I left.”</p>
-
-<p>Chuck looks foolish-like, and gets busy reading an old magazine. I
-notices that he’s got it upside down, but his lips are moving, so I
-reckon it don’t matter. He’s restless, and don’t sleep well that
-night.</p>
-
-<p>The next morning, right after breakfast, up rides Bill McFee, our
-unworthy sheriff; Ricky Henderson, Art Miller and Al McGuire, who
-manages the ground work of the Golden Cross. Telescope limps over to
-greet them, and they seems a heap interested in Telescope’s walk.</p>
-
-<p>“What do yuh think, Ricky?” asks McFee.</p>
-
-<p>“I’d hate to swear to it, Bill, but he limped.”</p>
-
-<p>“I arrests yuh in the name of the law for robbing the Piperock stage
-yesterday, Telescope,” states Bill.</p>
-
-<p>Telescope looks foolish-like at Bill, and then laughs.</p>
-
-<p>“Yesterday, Bill? Why, it never——”</p>
-
-<p>“The description covers yuh,” states Bill. “I got your pardner, who
-calls himself Archibald Ames, in jail. He’s already admitted the
-intent to rob it, but says if you robbed it he don’t know nothing
-about it. Said he was late meeting yuh, so he don’t know what yuh
-might ’a’ done.”</p>
-
-<p>“Whoever done it got seven thousand in that box,” states McGuire.</p>
-
-<p>“Seven thousand!” wonders Telescope. “I thought the clean-up was
-brought down yesterday.”</p>
-
-<p>“Some folks did,” grins McGuire. “We figured to double-cross some wise
-folks.”</p>
-
-<p>I hears a deep breath, and Chuck sets down hard on the step. Old man
-Whittaker comes out, and they has to chaw the whole thing over again.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” says the old man, “I don’t think that Telescope done it, but
-under the circumstances I reckon he’ll have to go to jail.”</p>
-
-<p>“At least yuh can have breakfast in bed,” consoles Muley, and then he
-recites:</p>
-
-<div class='poetry-container'>
-<div class='poetry'>
-<div class='stanza'>
-<div class='verse'>“A man in jail don’t have no cares;</div>
-<div class='indent2'>The flight of time don’t bother him,</div>
-<div class='verse'>There ain’t no place for him to go,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>The passing hours lightly skim.</div>
-<div class='verse'>The judge may say, ‘A year or two,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>In places where they don’t need clocks,’</div>
-<div class='verse'>But you should care—when you get loose,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>You’ve seven thousand in that box.”</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>“Muley, when I get loose I’m going to cut your rhymer square in two,”
-proclaims Telescope, and just then the old man leads Telescope’s bronc
-up, and he rides away with the posse.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>We’re sad. Doggone, it sure is a sad sight to see our compatriot in
-the hands of the law. We smokes a while, and then I turns to Chuck—</p>
-
-<p>“Where is that seven thousand, Chuck?” He looks, queer-like, at me for
-a moment, and shakes his head.</p>
-
-<p>“Danged if I know, Hen.”</p>
-
-<p>“You had it, didn’t yuh?”</p>
-
-<p>“Nope. Listen; I held up that stage before it got to the ford. Sabe? I
-was going to chase Ricky away and drive it myself. Figured I’d have
-some fun with Telescope. Sabe? Well, I scared —— out of Ricky. He
-ain’t got no nerves anyway, and——”</p>
-
-<p>“Wait!” yelps Muley. “Do you mean to set there and tell us that you
-scared Ricky so bad that he didn’t know your physique from
-Telescope’s? How about the limp?”</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t rush me!” snaps Chuck. “Telescope was so cocky about that
-picture stuff that I figured to have some fun. Did yuh ever walk on
-stilts? Well, I did when I was a kid. I made me a pair that just
-filled my boots, and pulled a flour sack over my head. Limp?</p>
-
-<p>“Of course I’d limp. I danged near fell on my face when I yelled for
-him to stop. I made him get out and walk back up the road, and told
-him if he stopped I’d perforate him. I took the box off the seat,
-which I figured was that shipment, and looks her over. On it in big
-letters she proclaims to be dynamite. I lays that box back on the
-seat, gets my stilt tangled in a wheel, and fell plumb off the grade.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, the team ran away, that’s all I know. I figured that Ricky
-would stop ’em—they wasn’t running fast.”</p>
-
-<p>“What kind of a looking box?” asks Muley.</p>
-
-<p>“Wooden box with two ends and four sides. Regular dynamite box.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well described,” applauds Muley. “All we got to find is a wooden box,
-with two ends and four sides.”</p>
-
-<p>Art Miller comes back in about an hour for some things of Telescope’s,
-and we talks it over with him.</p>
-
-<p>“Must ’a’ been Telescope or the party what held her up that other
-time,” says he. “The feller that me and Chuck fussed around with
-didn’t have no limp.”</p>
-
-<p>“Maybe the exercise that you and Chuck gave him made him stiff and
-sore,” I suggests, and Art grins. “Maybe. Funny thing about that
-hold-up. After that feller helps himself he must ’a’ scared that team,
-’cause they runs away and scatters things all the way up to ‘Mighty’
-Jones’ place, where they smashes a front wheel on a stump and stops.</p>
-
-<p>“Ricky says there was a box of dynamite from the Golden Cross, the
-same of which he holds careful in the seat. He said that he was meek
-when held up, ’cause he was afraid that feller might shoot into that
-box. That box is a goner, and it’s a wonder it didn’t blow that outfit
-to thunder—unless that’s the treasure-box.”</p>
-
-<p>Art pilgrims back towards town, and we all starts for the corral.</p>
-
-<p>“Where yuh going?” asks Muley.</p>
-
-<p>“After some dynamite dough,” says all three of us together.</p>
-
-<p>We rides up and down that road from the ford to Mighty’s place, but we
-don’t find nothing. We stops at the old Soda Springs trail, which
-shows fresh tracks. By mutual consent we turns up the trail. About
-half a mile up the crick we discovers a camp.</p>
-
-<p>We recognizes old “Frenchy” Timmons as the party humped over the fire,
-tossing flapjacks, so we rides up and greets him. He’s got a couple of
-moth-eaten burros nosing around his little tent. Frenchy is so crooked
-that he’s suspicious of himself. He’s one of them kind of prospectors
-what goes around with the feeling that every man what speaks kindly to
-him is laying to beat him out of the next strike he makes. He looks up
-through a decade of whiskers and grunts a greeting.</p>
-
-<p>“How’s your stock of location notices holding out, Frenchy?” asks
-Muley. “For a man with only two burros you can make more ‘discoveries’
-than any sourdough I ever seen.”</p>
-
-<p>“Yah-h-h-h!” gurgles Frenchy, way back in the whiskers. “I find heem
-sometame, Mooley.”</p>
-
-<p>“You dang well know yuh—yuh sure have, Frenchy. Look!”</p>
-
-<p>Muley points behind Frenchy, and there one end sticking out of the
-brush, is a wooden box, and the word “DYNAMITE” fairly yelps at us in
-big letters.</p>
-
-<p>Frenchy turns to see what we’re looking at, and the son-of-a-gun
-reaches for his six-shooter. He was years too late. Me and Chuck have
-him covered before he can touch his gun, and he stands there like a
-lamb, while Muley balances that box in front of him on the
-saddle-horn.</p>
-
-<p>“Next time yuh better find out who owns things before yuh picks ’em up
-for yourself,” advises Chuck. “Throw that gun over in the brush!
-That’s the stuff. Now keep your mouth shut! Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>Frenchy didn’t say a word, but we can see that he’s a heap annoyed. We
-strings out down the trail, and when we’re about two hundred yards
-from the camp, comes a splintering noise, and the report of a big
-rifle. Me and Chuck throws our broncs off the trail and gets down. We
-can hear Muley complaining about things, and we asks him why he feels
-so cross.</p>
-
-<p>“Danged old pelican!” he wails. “That bullet cut the corner off our
-box!”</p>
-
-<p>“You still got it, ain’t yuh?” I asks.</p>
-
-<p>“Uh-huh, I got her, Hen, but she almost met her Waterloo on a rock.
-Reckon it loosened all the nails. Shall we go back and smoke up that
-old coot?”</p>
-
-<p>“Next Christmas,” replies Chuck. “That old coot has got a Sharps
-.45-70, and the Warners don’t care for that style of death. He’s
-crazy, Muley, and we’d put ourselves in his class if we went back.”</p>
-
-<p>We lifts that box back on Muley’s saddle, and went on.</p>
-
-<p>We hits the road, and makes good lime for a mile or two, when we meets
-Mighty Jones. He stops and we exchanges pleasantries. We comments on
-the weather, the crops—which theer ain’t none—and the general wear and
-tear on the human race. Muley switches the position of that box, and
-the next second we’re covered by Mighty Jones. I starts to grin, but
-when I sees that Mighty is in earnest I irons my face out flat again.</p>
-
-<p>“Hands up!” he snaps, and Muley lets that box slip. She hits the
-ground and rolls over. I glances at Mighty, and he’s got the look on
-his face of a man who has seen all there is in life, but ain’t ready
-to go blind.</p>
-
-<p>“My ——!” he gasps, whirls his bronc around and gallops off down the
-road like a crazy man, holding on to his hat with one hand and fanning
-his bronc with the other.</p>
-
-<p>We watches him fade away in the dust, and puts our hands down.</p>
-
-<p>“Of all the locoed actions on earth that’s the sharp end of the
-limit,” proclaims Muley, sliding off his bronc.</p>
-
-<p>That last shock was almost too much for that box, ’cause when Muley
-essays to lift her she sort ’a’ opened on one end.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>Muley holds his position for a moment, straightens up and gets on his
-bronc without taking his eyes off the box. He spurs his bronc,
-easy-like, until he’s a few feet away from that box, and then he
-imitates Mighty Jones.</p>
-
-<p>Me and Chuck puffs away on our cigarets and watches Muley depart.</p>
-
-<p>“I’ll likely get scared, too, but I’m taking a chance,” states Chuck,
-and walks over to the box.</p>
-
-<p>He sighs deep-like, and takes off his hat.</p>
-
-<p>“Henry Peck, there must be a Supreme Being what watches over fools and
-cow-punchers. This box is full of eighty per cent. dynamite. Come and
-take a look.”</p>
-
-<p>“Your word is as good as gold, Chuck. That stuff must have a good
-disposition to stand all that grief. Let’s go home before something
-happens to irritate it.”</p>
-
-<p>We finds Muley at the ford, but he ain’t got much to say. He asks
-Chuck if he saw what was in that box, and Chuck said that he did.</p>
-
-<p>“Wonderful!” exclaims Muley. “It stood rough handling but I never
-thought a face like yours could look upon eighty per cent. dynamite
-and not explode it. That’s why I went away so rapid.”</p>
-
-<p>The old man is home when we gets there, and he announces that
-Telescope and Archibald Ames are still in jail.</p>
-
-<p>“What does Archibald have to say about it?” I asks.</p>
-
-<p>“That fat four-flusher!” yelps the old man. “He says that Telescope
-might ’a’ done it. Of course this Ames feller don’t fit the
-description, but he might at least—aw——”</p>
-
-<p>“I’m going down to see Telescope,” announces Muley.</p>
-
-<div class='poetry-container'>
-<div class='poetry'>
-<div class='stanza'>
-<div class='verse'>“He lies down there in durance vile</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Behind the bolts and locks,</div>
-<div class='verse'>With prison staring in his face</div>
-<div class='indent2'>’Cause we can’t find that box.</div>
-<div class='verse'>That held a little bunch of gold,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Which was labeled dynamite.</div>
-<div class='verse'>Will we let our pal wear striped clothes?”</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>“Not by a gol-danged sight!” I finishes, being somewhat of a poet
-myself.</p>
-
-<p>Muley shakes my hand and invites me to join the Perverted Order of
-Paradise Poets, of which he’s the only living member.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t tell too much down there, Muley,” advises Chuck. “If you runs
-off at the mouth I might get eased into jail, and that would cut down
-the number of detectives on the case. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“Fear not,” says Muley. “I go but to bring cheer to the needy. I will
-be back anon.”</p>
-
-<p>About three hours later Doughgod Smith rides in, and we walks out to
-where him and the old man are greeting each other.</p>
-
-<p>“If this keeps on, Whittaker, you’re going to be short of men,” states
-Doughgod.</p>
-
-<p>“Huh!” grunts the old man. “One man don’t make no difference this time
-of year. Three punchers is enough to set around and play cards, and
-eat up good grub.”</p>
-
-<p>“You only got two left now,” says Doughgod. “Muley’s in jail, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“Muley!” snorts the old man. “What’s he in for?”</p>
-
-<p>“Stealing dynamite from Mighty Jones.”</p>
-
-<p>Chuck had started to set down on his heels, but when Doughgod’s
-information hits his ears he sprawls flat on his back and blinks at
-the sky. I starts to lean on a buckboard wheel that is ten feet away,
-and I ends up on my back with my feet over the tongue.</p>
-
-<p>“Mighty spoke of some folks being accessory to the fact, too,” states
-Doughgod, offhand-like.</p>
-
-<p>“Stealing dynamite!” yelps the old man. “Where, when and what for?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know. Mighty comes to town and acts like a man what has had
-delirious delight scared out of him. He anchors to Pelly’s bar until
-he’s gained normal again, and then he speaks knowingly of
-powder-thieves. Mighty’s half-loco, and what ain’t loco is
-absent-mindness, but just the same he has Muley arrested, and he hints
-of more arrests as soon as certain persons hit town. I seen Muley, and
-he said if I came this way to have Chuck and Hen come to see him.”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s right,” agrees the old man. “We’ll all go down.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not me,” says I. “I got rheumatic pains in my knees. Notice how I
-fell over that buckboard handle? I ain’t myself today, and I simply
-couldn’t stand it to ride.”</p>
-
-<p>“Neither could I,” says Chuck. “I’m sore all over. Let’s wait until
-tomorrow. Muley will be there just the same.”</p>
-
-<p>“We’ll go in the buckboard,” says the old man. “In a case like this
-I’d go if I had to walk.”</p>
-
-<p>“I’d admire to walk,” says Chuck, but the old man goes after the team,
-and me and Chuck helps each other limp to the bunk-house.</p>
-
-<p>“Shake hands with a murderer, Henry,” says Chuck, offering his hand.
-“I’ve killed the old man and crippled Doughgod for life—in my mind.
-You and me will spend the evening and night in the Paradise jail,
-Henry Clay Peck.”</p>
-
-<p>“Can’t yuh think of nothing cheerful to sing?” I asks. “If we’re in
-jail we never will find that box. Think!”</p>
-
-<p>“Think ——!” yelps Chuck, going to the door. “I’m going to enjoy the
-untainted air as long as I can.”</p>
-
-<p>I rustles out my war-sack and puts on clean clothes. It’s liable to be
-some time before I gets a chance to change again. Chuck comes back
-after a while and sets down on the bunk, disconsolate-like, and plays
-“Just Before the Battle, Mother” on his mouth-organ. Pretty soon the
-old man yells to us.</p>
-
-<p>We walks out, slow-like, and I climbs, painfully, into the seat with
-the old man. Chuck holds the team by the bits until we’re all set.
-Then he lets loose and hops aboard as we goes past. We whirls out of
-the yard and hits the road on the run. Sudden-like that equipage does
-a high dive on one side, and yours truly stands on his head in a
-mesquite bush.</p>
-
-<p>When I gets through making a cactus pincushion of my cranium, I riseth
-up and looks around.</p>
-
-<p>Down the road about fifty yards sets the old man, gazing off down the
-road, and cussing at a piece of line he’s still got in one hand. I
-hears a groan across the road, and Chuck’s head sticks up out of the
-brush. The old man gets up out of the road and painfully dusts off the
-seat of his pants. He plods up to us and looks us over.</p>
-
-<p>“By cripes!” he snorts, “I ain’t suspicious of nobody on earth. I’m a
-man among men, and I don’t suspicion nobody, but if that wasn’t foul
-play I’ll eat the whole ranch. Now, I’ll haul you hombres to town in a
-lumber wagon.”</p>
-
-<p>He plods on to the house, while I extracts cactus spines and cuss
-words from my carcass. Chuck limps over and rubs his hip.</p>
-
-<p>“Light on a rock?” I asks, and he feels of his hip some more.</p>
-
-<p>He reaches into his hip pocket, takes out an object and tosses it on
-the ground.</p>
-
-<p>“Lit right on the darned thing!” he groans.</p>
-
-<p>It’s the nut off a front wheel of that buckboard. I kicks it off into
-the brush, and rolls a smoke.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” says he, after a while, “you can give me credit for blocking
-the wheels of progress for a minute, can’t yuh? I’ll likely have to
-stand up all the way to town.”</p>
-
-<p>“We’ll get plenty of time to rest,” says I.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>We got to Paradise, but it wasn’t no pleasure-ride, and the first
-person we see is Mighty Jones.</p>
-
-<p>Mighty seems to have drowned his feelings, and he’s spending his
-afternoon trying to hold up the hitch-rack. The old man goes in the
-saloon, but me and Chuck goes over to have a interview with our enemy.
-He nods at us like an owl.</p>
-
-<p>“Tut-tut-tried to bub-blow me up,” he stutters, “Tha’s mean thing
-to-to-to do.”</p>
-
-<p>“Tell us all about it, old-timer,” says Chuck, helping the old boy let
-loose of the rack, and leading him over to the sidewalk. “What’s all
-this dynamite stuff I’m hearing about?”</p>
-
-<p>Mighty gets very deliberate in his language:</p>
-
-<p>“Eighty pershent. Tha’s good powder. Sabe? Good powder but too
-ener-zhetic. Know what I mean? Mine’s eighty per shent. Stage runs
-away and sehtops at my place. I find box of shixty per shent. Sabe?
-Eighty too dangeroush to pack, so I exchanges. Sabe. Same price.
-Eighty per shent too easy on trigger. Know what I mean? Lissen;
-shomebody mus’ ’a’ stole that eighty from the stage, and I can’ fin’
-mine. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“Think!” yelps Chuck. “Think where yuh put it, Mighty!”</p>
-
-<p>Mighty bobs his head and screws up his face:</p>
-
-<p>“I know. Tha’s the box Muley tried to assassinate me with.”</p>
-
-<p>“That was eighty per cent.!” yells Chuck. “Doyuh get that? It was
-eighty per cent.!”</p>
-
-<p>“Zas so? Fool to drop eighty per shent. Awful careless.”</p>
-
-<p>“Where did you put that box you took off the stage?” I asks,
-pronouncing every word distinct and separate.</p>
-
-<p>Mighty is so danged absent-minded that yuh got to make him remember.</p>
-
-<p>“You took it out of the stage, and then what did you do with it?”</p>
-
-<p>“Somebody must ’a’ stole—whoa! I know! In the woodshed. I thought I
-put it in the barn. Ain’ that the limit? Mus’ go and turn poor old
-Muley loosh. Yes, sir. He never stole nothing.”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s right,” applauds Chuck. “Go right over and tell the sheriff to
-turn him loose.”</p>
-
-<p>“I got to shee Ricky firsht,” states the old pelican, wise as a barn
-owl. “Mus’ shee if Ricky wants to hold him for stealing that eighty
-per shent. Mighty Jones is law-abiding pershon. Know what I mean?”</p>
-
-<p>We watches Mighty weave down the street, and Chuck grins all over his
-face—</p>
-
-<p>“We’ll find Telescope’s and Muley’s broncs, and we’ll go up to Mighty
-Jones’ woodshed and rescue that money.”</p>
-
-<p>We finds both broncs in Pelly’s barn, so we saddles up and fares
-forth. We don’t fare far until we meets Bill McFee. We stops and asks
-Bill if there’s anything new.</p>
-
-<p>“Nope,” says he. “I reckon we got ’em in jail.”</p>
-
-<p>“So?” says Chuck. “Bill, how would you like to take a ride with us and
-bring back that seven thousand?”</p>
-
-<p>Bill grins like it was a good joke:</p>
-
-<p>“Uh-huh. I’d admire that. What’s the joke?”</p>
-
-<p>“Ain’t no joke, Sheriff,” says I. “You go with us and bring the gold
-back. Is that satisfactory?”</p>
-
-<p>“I’d admire to know a little more.”</p>
-
-<p>“Not at all necessary,” says Chuck. “Election is only three months
-away, and the credit ain’t going to hurt yuh none, Bill.”</p>
-
-<p>“That’s sensible,” agrees Bill. “I’m with yuh.”</p>
-
-<p>Bill attempts to find out things, but we don’t talk much, and it’s
-dark when we climbs off at Mighty’s place. We hikes right over to the
-woodshed. Bill lights a match and looks inside, drops the match and
-don’t stop running for a hundred yards. Me and Chuck gallops with him
-for a ways, sort of sympathetic-like.</p>
-
-<p>“Bobcats!” whistles Bill. “Shed’s full of ’em!”</p>
-
-<p>Yuh never can tell what kind of a pet a nut like Mighty is liable to
-have, so we ain’t surprised a lot.</p>
-
-<p>“I ain’t afraid of no cat what ever lived,” states Chuck. “I’m going
-to get that box in spite of anything.”</p>
-
-<p>We pilgrims up close again, with our guns ready. Chuck finds an old
-newspaper, which he lights, and we peeks around the corner of the
-door, and looks right into the shiny eyes of two big cats. Three guns
-goes off at the same time, and three men went away. There ain’t a
-sound from the shed, so we sneaks back.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s good shooting,” applauds Bill. “Two shots killed ’em both,
-’cause I shot in the ground.”</p>
-
-<p>“Sure was,” I agrees, “I did, too.”</p>
-
-<p>“Wonderful!” agrees Chuck. “They must ’a’ jumped high, ’cause mine
-went through the roof.”</p>
-
-<p>Chuck tosses in that burning paper. Them cats are still there but
-don’t move.</p>
-
-<p>“Rugs!” snorts Chuck. “Mighty is sort of a taxidermist, and he put
-them eyes in himself. They sure look natural.”</p>
-
-<p>We found that box. Chuck makes a presentation speech to the minion of
-the law, who recites a few appropriate words in return. Bill takes the
-box on his saddle-horn, and we goes back to Paradise.</p>
-
-<p>We gets McGuire and all the rest of Paradise’s population to see the
-grand opening. We assembles in Pelly’s saloon and Mike furnishes the
-hammer.</p>
-
-<p>“Gents,” states Bill, “this ain’t a complete exoneration of Telescope
-and Ames, but I reckon it clears ’em a plenty. The law recovers said
-stolen property, but I’ll let Mister Warner and Mister Peck tell the
-story. I can hunt lost things but I can’t tell a interesting story
-like some folks.”</p>
-
-<p>“You better superintend this, McGuire,” he continues. “It’s a lot of
-wealth to look upon.”</p>
-
-<p>He tears the top boards off, and Paradise gazes a plenty.</p>
-
-<p>Me and Chuck takes one gaze, and slips loose. We meets at the door,
-ambles around the corner and forks our broncs. I follers Chuck’s lead,
-and about a mile from town we stops and looks back.</p>
-
-<p>“Henry,” says he, sad-like, “who do you suppose put them rocks in that
-box?”</p>
-
-<p>“If I knew I’d be a murderer,” says I, and then it strikes me funny.
-“Box of scab-rock guarded by two mounted bobcats! Haw! Haw! Haw!
-Mister McFee, we hereby puts in your care and custody one box, the
-value of same being problematical. You being a duly elected officer of
-the law, and, we having faith in your integrity and sense of duty,
-turneth over said box to be dealt with as yuh see fit,” says I,
-quoting Chuck’s woodshed speech.</p>
-
-<p>“Value being problematical takes the curse of anyway, Hen,” says he.</p>
-
-<p>It’s about midnight when we arrives at the Cross J. The old man is in
-the bunk-house, and he looks us over, sad-like.</p>
-
-<p>“What are you fellers trying to do?” he asks. “The sheriff sure is one
-sore person. Says he can prove that one or both of you was mixed up in
-that robbery.”</p>
-
-<p>“Aw ——!” snorts Chuck. “I thought it was the right box.”</p>
-
-<p>“It was. McGuire identified it. The question is this: you knowed where
-the box was—where are the contents? That’s what Paradise wants to
-know.”</p>
-
-<p>“Paradise ain’t got nothing on us, eh, Chuck?” says I. “If they wanted
-to know any worse than we do they’d all be sick.”</p>
-
-<p>Me and Chuck talks it all over and decides that the longer we’re out
-of jail the more they’ll have against us when we do get in, so we
-decide to give ourself up before we’re liable to capital punishment.</p>
-
-<div style='height:1em;'></div>
-
-<p>The next morning we rides away to be locked up in self-defense. Just
-outside of Paradise we overtakes an Injun. He’s jogging along on a
-glass-eyed pinto, and he grins when he sees Chuck. Chuck stands in
-with all the aborigines.</p>
-
-<p>“Hello, Tenas Charley,” grins the buck.</p>
-
-<p>“Hello, Hiawatha,” grins Chuck. “Where you go so early?”</p>
-
-<p>“You sabe Doc Milliken?”</p>
-
-<p>“You bet. Why you wantum?”</p>
-
-<p>“Givum letter. Me got letter. White man hurtum leg. No walk. Me go to
-Doc Milliken. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>He fusses around in his blanket and produces a piece of paper. Chuck
-takes the paper and reads the few words. He hands me the letter and
-grins. It reads like this:</p>
-
-<div class='poetry-container'>
-<div class='poetry'>
-<div class='stanza'>
-<div class='verse'>Hurt my leg. Follow the Injun to me.</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>There ain’t no name signed.</p>
-
-<p>“Heap scared,” informs the Injun. “Hurtum leg on tree.”</p>
-
-<p>“Where you camp?” asks Chuck, and we gets informed that it’s on Little
-Beaver Crick. Chuck gives him back the letter, and swings around. “So
-long, Setting Bull,” says he, and the Injun grins and bobs off down
-the road.</p>
-
-<p>“Now where?” I asks, and Chuck grins, “Slippery Silverton!” he whoops.
-“If it was anybody around here they’d ‘a’ signed their name. He’s
-hived up with that Injun, and we’re going to land him, Henry. Maybe
-he’s got the gold, too.”</p>
-
-<p>It didn’t take us long to find that camp. We advances on foot. There’s
-a white man setting on the sunny side of that teepee, and he’s in
-blissful ignorance until me and Chuck lands on his shoulders like two
-playful bears. He gets energetic, but Chuck taps him on the head with
-his gun, and we hog-ties him proper. When he opens his eyes Chuck
-grins at him an’ says—</p>
-
-<p>“Hello, Slippery.”</p>
-
-<p>He don’t say a word.</p>
-
-<p>“Don’t talk,” advises Chuck. “Yuh might wear out your teeth.”</p>
-
-<p>The feller looks at us, foolish-like, so we hoists him up on Chuck’s
-bronc, and Chuck rides behind him. Once he opened his mouth and spoke
-one line:</p>
-
-<p>“You fellers are an hour late.”</p>
-
-<p>That’s all he said. I reckon Chuck hit him pretty hard.</p>
-
-<p>We pilgrims right into Paradise, and up to Pelly’s saloon. There ain’t
-a soul in sight, but we observes signs of life down where we holds our
-court. We takes our captive down there, cuts the ropes off his legs
-and takes him inside.</p>
-
-<p>The place is crowded and Telescope is on the stand. We gets in just in
-time to hear the judge ask Telescope if he can think of any earthly
-reason why he shouldn’t be held for the next term of court.</p>
-
-<p>“A lot of reason, Judge!” yells Chuck, pushing our prisoner up to the
-front. “Here’s the main reason. Gents, I makes yuh used to Slippery
-Silverton!”</p>
-
-<p>“Silverton ——!” I hears McGuire yelp.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s the owner of the Golden Cross mine, Mister Warde,” And then he
-horns his way over to our prisoner and snorts—“What does this all
-mean?”</p>
-
-<p>“I don’t know,” says the feller. “I—— I must ’a’ got hurt. Unless I’m
-mistaken I came part-way from the mine with Joe Allerton. We had that
-gold shipment. We sent out two decoy boxes on account of so many
-robberies. We rode across the hills. Joe figured on just making that
-train. He went to Helena. I wanted a pair of moccasins, and Joe left
-me at that Indian teepee. The owner wasn’t there, so I waited. That’s
-all, I guess. Somebody jumped on to me and—here I am.”</p>
-
-<p>“The—the gold didn’t come down yesterday?” gasps McGuire, and Warde
-shakes his head, painful-like. “No. Just a box of rocks.”</p>
-
-<p>Just then in comes Doc Milliken.</p>
-
-<p>“Say!” he yells. “Will one of you strong men come and help me set a
-man’s leg? Mighty Jones cut a tree the wrong way and it lit on him.
-Lucky he was found by an Injun, who came for help. He was able to send
-a note but fainted before he could sign his name. All I want is
-somebody to hold him down. He’s so absent-minded that he’s liable to
-run away. He says to tell Ricky Henderson that his box of dynamite is
-either in the hay-loft or under his cabin floor. He can’t remember
-which.”</p>
-
-<p>Art Miller is standing close to Chuck, and Chuck grabs him by the arm
-and whispers—“What does a new wheel for your stage cost, Art?”</p>
-
-<p>“About eight dollars, Chuck—why?” “Here’s ten. Don’t ask me.”</p>
-
-<p>While there is plenty of talk me and Chuck backs out and rides out of
-town. We’re in the bunk-house when Telescope and Muley and the old man
-comes home. Telescope and Muley comes in and looks us over,
-solemn-like. Pretty soon Muley climbs up on the bunk and recites, with
-appropriate gestures and feeling:</p>
-
-<div class='poetry-container'>
-<div class='poetry'>
-<div class='stanza'>
-<div class='verse'>“Let me sing yuh a song of four danged fools,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Four punchers whose brains are nix,</div>
-<div class='verse'>Who done some things they ought not to do,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>And got in a —— of a fix.</div>
-<div class='verse'>One was stuck on himself and wanted to be</div>
-<div class='indent2'>Admired at ten cents a throw.</div>
-<div class='verse'>Another wore stilts so he’d look like a man,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>When he went out after the dough.</div>
-<div class='verse'>Three of the fools fooled with dynamite,</div>
-<div class='indent2'>One beat up an innocent man.</div>
-<div class='verse'>The price of a wheel was all that it cost.</div>
-<div class='indent2'>You may beat it—I don’t think yuh can.”</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p>“Beautiful,” says I. “You’ve got a soul, Muley. There’s still that box
-of dynamite of Mighty’s to account for.”</p>
-
-<p>“He picked it up on his way home,” says Muley. “That’s settled.”</p>
-
-<p>“Did Archibald Ames get his local color?” I asks, and Telescope shakes
-his head. “Archibald Ames didn’t wait for nothing. He even hired
-somebody to drive him to Silver Bend. I asked him what he wanted me to
-do, and he told me to go to a place where they don’t cut holes in the
-ice.”</p>
-
-<p>“You’ll miss them meals in bed,” sympathizes Chuck, wiggling his ears,
-and ducks outdoors just in time.</p>
-
-<p>A boot-jack splintered on the door behind him.</p>
-
-<p>“Well, it ended all right anyway,” grunts Muley. “How’d yuh say yuh
-hurt that leg, Telescope?”</p>
-
-<p>Telescope peeks out of the door, and then limps back to me and Muley.</p>
-
-<p>“I didn’t go to Bowers’ that first day the stage was robbed,” he
-whispers. “Don’t breathe it to a soul. I wouldn’t have Chuck hear it
-for a million.”</p>
-
-<p>We holds up our right hands.</p>
-
-<p>“Well,” says he, “that cottonwood snag they made me climb didn’t have
-no bark on it, and when I started down I slid too fast. Sabe?”</p>
-
-<p>“Chuck was right!” I snorts. “He sure told the truth that time.”</p>
-
-<p>Telescope hops to his feet and grabs me by the arms.</p>
-
-<p>“What do yuh mean, Hen? What did Chuck say?”</p>
-
-<p>“He said it sure was slippery,” says I.</p>
-
-<div class="tn">
- <p>Transcriber’s Note: This story appeared in
- the August 3, 1918 issue of <em>Adventure</em> magazine.</p>
-</div>
-
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