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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3bff268 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #66723 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66723) diff --git a/old/66723-0.txt b/old/66723-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 00b3c9d..0000000 --- a/old/66723-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1030 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Stop, You're Killing Me!, by Darius -John Granger - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Stop, You're Killing Me! - -Author: Darius John Granger - -Release Date: November 13, 2021 [eBook #66723] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STOP, YOU'RE KILLING -ME! *** - - - - - - Stop, You're Killing Me! - - By Darius John Granger - - As a private eye I get a lot of screwball - cases, but nothing to match my own; my wife and - kid trying to kill me--and neither aware of it! - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy - February 1956 - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -It's funny how a silly little habit can save your life. - -I got into the car that morning and was thinking of nothing in -particular--except maybe the cases I hoped to be getting downtown in my -one man private dick office. We live at the top of the city's highest -hill, my wife and our son Sam, who's seventeen, and myself. At least -it's the highest hill in the residential district and the highest one -I know of. So out of habit I patted the brakes to test them as the car -began to roll down the slight incline of the driveway. - -The brakes didn't hold. - -Had I started down Jackson Hill, down the long half mile slope which -levels off at the busy intersection of MacArthur and Houston Avenues, -I'd have streaked through the intersection out of control. I don't know -what the odds for survival are in such a circumstance, but I'd hate to -have to test them. - -As it was, I shook my head in surprise and pulled the handbrake, -bringing the Olds to a stop at the foot of the driveway. I climbed out -and bent down to take a look at the right front wheel. In a few seconds -I knew what the trouble was. Brake fluid. There wasn't any. But that -didn't make sense because I'd had the car--brakes included--overhauled -only last week. - -Which meant someone had drained the brake fluid from the Olds. - -I checked the other front wheel and it was the same. No brake fluid. -I sat there in the car for a few minutes smoking a cigarette before I -went into the house to call the local service station and have them tow -the Olds in. - -It was the third time in less than a month that someone had tried to -kill me. - -That happens, of course, to private detectives. It isn't only in the -movies and the two-bit mystery thrillers that it happens. It happens in -real life, too. I know because I've been in the business twenty years. -Go downtown some time and look me up; Frank Foley's the name and you'll -find me in the Ditmas Building on Pearl Street. Sure it happens to -private eyes in real life. They're on a hot case and someone wants them -off and because it's known bribes won't do any good, violence, mayhem -and murder are tried. - -But that didn't fit the situation in this case. There had been three -tries on my life. The jets of our gas stove turned on while I was -napping over a cup of coffee late of a cold night in the kitchen, with -door and windows closed. The pulley of our extension ladder failing -to hold while I was up painting the eaves of the house. And now the -drained brake fluid. - -I was on no important case. All of my work at the moment was routine. -They say I am getting old, but don't you believe it. I've got some good -cases ahead of me yet. They say I was able to get away with my shady -tricks when I was younger but that I'm slipping and can't get away -with them now. Don't you believe it. In my business you've always got -to get away with them. And when Frank Foley is all washed up, Frank -Foley will be the first one to know it. - -The situation in this case was worse. The situation in this case was -strictly a family affair. All the attempts at my life had been made at -home, either by my wife Sue or our boy Sam. Sounds nuts, because we're -a pretty happy family usually. But there it was. Either Sue or Sam -could have snafu'd the pulley on the extension ladder and either one of -them could have turned on the gas jets after I had dozed. As for the -drained brake fluid, Sue didn't know a spark plug from the carburetor -air intake, but Sam was a hot rod with his own beat-up jalopy and knew -as much about cars as anyone since old Henry Ford himself. - - * * * * * - -I went inside and sat down at the kitchen table. Sam was still -lingering over his coffee before heading over to the high school. Sue -was doing the dishes and humming. She turned around and said: - -"S'matter dear, something wrong with the car?" - -"You better ask Sammy," I suggested. - -"Sammy? But why?" - -"I don't get it, pop," Sammy said still drinking his coffee. - -The other two times I had said nothing. Accidents. You don't accuse -your own wife and son of trying to kill you unless you're sure. But the -drained brake fluid was no accident. I swept Sammy's coffee cup off -the table with my right hand and grabbed the front of his shirt. Sue -screamed with surprise as I dragged Sammy to his feet. - -"You drained out the brake fluid," I said. - -"I don't know what you're talking about, pop. What's the matter with -you? You'll rip the shirt!" - -"Lay off of him for crying out loud, Frank," Sue cried out. - -"Lay off of him," I said, repeating her words and imitating her tone. -This always exasperated Sue. She put down her dish rag and came over to -me and hollered: - -"Well, you haven't said what's the matter." - -"I said he drained the brake fluid out of the car. I could have killed -myself." - -"That's ridiculous, Frank, and you know it. Why would Sam do a thing -like that?" - -"How should I know why he'd do a thing like that?" - -"Why don't you let go of him?" - -I did so and Sammy slumped down into his chair. "How should I know," I -went on, "why either one of you would bolix up the extension ladder or -turn on the gas jets right here in the kitchen while I was dozing?" - -"What?" Sue gasped. "What did you say?" - -"You heard right, mom," Sammy said, staring at me as if I'd just -escaped from the twentieth century equivalent of bedlam. - -"Frank, you've been working too hard," Sue said. "Why don't you take a -vacation? We could go off to--" - -"Oh, to hell with a vacation," I said, but I was simmering down. They -both looked so completely innocent, it kind of stopped me. Add to that -fact that my family had no reason in the world for trying to kill me, -and I was almost inclined to believe them. - -Except that you couldn't change the facts. You couldn't change what had -happened. - -I turned around without saying anything and headed for the door. "Why -don't you drop in on Doc Mundin on the way to work?" Sue suggested. - -I slammed the door and went out to the wife's car and got in and drove -downtown. All the way down, you could have threaded a needle with the -line my lips made. - - * * * * * - -There was one customer in my waiting room when I reached the office. I -offered him a curt nod and went by the inner door. "Be right with you," -I mumbled. He didn't respond. He was a short, chunky man with hips as -wide as his shoulders and a flabby, loose-jowled face but a chest like -a barrel. I gave him a double take when he failed to respond. I said, -"Well, do you want to see a private detective or don't you?" - -"I want to see you," he said. - -Somehow, I didn't like the way he said it, but let it ride. "Be right -with you," I told him as I unlocked the inner door and moved through -the sanctum sanctorum, such as it is. I smoked a cigarette halfway down -before I pressed the buzzer to admit him. - -He came in with the bouncy stride to which chunky fat men are prone. He -looked straight at me and smiled as if he had known me for years. "I'm -glad to see you're still alive, Mr. Foley," he said. - -I stood up. "Would you say that again please?" I asked him. - -"I'm glad to see you're still alive." - -"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" - -"Well, let me see. By this time your wife and son would have tried -three times to kill you. That being the--" - -I was around the desk before he could finish. I grabbed him much -harder than I had grabbed Sammy. Something--probably the lining of his -jacket--ripped. "You'd better explain that," I suggested. - -"There's hardly anything to explain. Your wife tried to kill you by -almost cutting through the pulley rope of your extension ladder, but -you got off with a strained ankle. She tried to kill again by leaving -the gas jets on one night in the kitchen. But you awoke in time. Your -son tried to kill you this morning by draining the brake fluid from -your car. There now. Does that bring us up to date?" - -I was so shocked I let go of him. I sat down and lit another cigarette -with what remained of the first. I watched him brush himself off and -settle himself in the client chair. - -"I can't blame you for behaving like that," he said. - -"What the devil have you been doing, living in our attic and spying on -me?" - -"Dear me, no. But you see, I know. I know all about you, Mr. Foley. I -have to know." - -"You have to?" - -"Now that you have avoided death the first three times, I'm going to -hire you." - -"To hire me? What for?" - -I must have sounded so amazed that my visitor said: "You do hire -yourself out as a private detective? Don't you? That is your function, -isn't it?" - -"Yeah, but--" - -"But how did I know? That's a long story. Too long and too involved for -you and probably you wouldn't believe it anyhow. Look, Mr. Foley. I -would like to hire you. I am an inventor. Your job will be to protect -me and my invention against harm--for as long as necessary. Perhaps the -rest of my life." - -"The rest of your life!" - -"Oh, that isn't very long. You see, I die of a heart attack in 1959." - -"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "You mean, your doctor told you you -only have three more years to live?" - -"My doctor?" the chunky fat man said. "Dear me, no. My great great -great great grandchild told me. And he, of course, knows." - -"Your great great great great grandchild," I said. - -"Yes, of course. Naturally the dear boy--if you can call a man your own -age a boy--is very upset. He's marooned here, you see." - -"This--uh--great great great great grandson is your own age, you say?" - -"Perhaps a little older. I never asked him." - -"But he won't be born for a hundred years!" I gasped. There was a -silence. Then I smiled at my visitor. I had to smile. He was pulling my -leg. He did it the best, the soberest way possible--but he was pulling -my leg. There would be a place for him on TV, I thought, and said so. - -"But I'm not joking," he insisted. "Everything I told you is true, Mr. -Foley. Here is what I want you to do. For as long as necessary, perhaps -until my death in 1959, I want you to protect me and my invention. I'll -pay you a hundred dollars a week for as long as I live, plus expenses." - - * * * * * - -A hundred and expenses was more than I averaged, but I didn't say that. -I said, "What do I have to protect you against?" - -"Why, didn't I say? My great great--" - -"Great great," I said for him, "grandson. Look, jack. You're talking -in riddles. Why don't you spit straight out whatever you want to say? -Your great great great great grandson can't possibly want to harm you -because, damn it, he hasn't been born yet. Which leaves us where?" - -"Oh, but you're wrong. He doesn't want to harm me specifically. -He merely wants to stop me from completing my invention. When he -discovered I was going to hire you to protect me he decided to kill you -as a warning to me. He tried three times and missed three times so I -know you're pretty resourceful, Mr. Foley. I'd feel that my invention -and I are safe in your hands." - -"First you say my family's trying to kill me, then you say your four -times grandson. Well, which is it?" - -"Both. That is, my relative employs mental suggestion on your -relatives, using them as agents. They have no reason to kill you, do -they?" - -"No," I admitted. - -"There. Then obviously it must be my--umm, four times grandson, as you -say. Will you take the job?" - -"I don't know yet," I said. "I'll admit it, jack. I don't know if -you're crazy or I'm crazy." - -"Why does either one of us have to be crazy? Can't you simply protect -me and my invention and--" - -"What kind of invention is it?" I asked. - -"I thought you would get around to that." - -"Well, what is it?" - -"I had wanted to wait until it was finished so I could show you. One -doesn't simply talk about an invention like mine and expect to be -believed." - -When I'm puzzled I become arrogant. I guess you call it bluster and -often it can see you through pretty rough spots. So despite the offer -of a hundred dollars a week plus expenses I said, "Either you tell me -all about it, or we forget you ever came here. Understand?" - -"I suppose so," he admitted. "Very well, then--" - -"Just a minute. You haven't even told me your name." - -"It's Haney. Angus W. Haney, Mr. Foley." - -"Now what about the invention?" - -"It's almost finished," Angus W. Haney said. "At the moment I can't -prove to you that it works. Unless you believe my great great great -great grandson really is what I say he is." - -"Whoever heard of a--" - -"That is crucial, Mr. Foley. Because if you believe he is what I say he -is, then you know my invention will be a success. You see, what I am in -the process of inventing is a time machine." - - * * * * * - -That was enough for one day and I guess Angus W. Haney knew it was -enough. He gave me his card and told me to call him and I said that -I would. After he had left, I got out the office bottle--which that -winter was bourbon--and poured myself a good hard slug which went down -smoothly. It's a hoax, I kept telling myself. It has to be a hoax. - -But was it? I guess I wasn't entirely convinced, because Angus Haney -had said that his four times grandson was using my Sue and Sammy--via -mental suggestion--to kill me. And that being the case, I decided -against going home that night. What the hell, a guy couldn't take -chances, not in my business. You learned to be careful or else you left -the business in a hurry or they carried you out. So, I'd wait and see. - -I called up home and made some kind of excuse, then took a room -downtown in the Hazel Arms Hotel. I checked in, showered, and went -outside for a good meal. When I returned to the Hazel Arms it was early -so I killed some time at the bar, then went out and took in a movie. - -At ten o'clock that evening I went upstairs to turn in. Kind of an -early hour for a private eye, I know, but I was bushed and I guess I'm -not as young as I used to be. I shut the door behind me and was about -to turn on the light when a voice said: - -"After you turn it on just walk to the bed and sit down, please. I'm -holding a gun on you." - -I touched the light switch and the room was bathed in light and I saw -him. He was a middle aged fellow, but trim and well-preserved with dark -piercing eyes and hair graying at the temples. He said, "I suppose you -know who I am." - -I sat down on the bed, shaking my head. He was seated across the room -from me in a wing chair, holding a .38 Banker's Special very steadily -in his right hand, the muzzle pointing at me. - -"No," I said. "Who are you?" - -"I am Angus Haney's great great great great grandson." - -By then I didn't even blink. I merely said, "Go on, I'm listening." - -"I tried to have you killed as a warning to my relation, Mr. Foley. You -see, I don't want to kill him. I can't predict what might happen if I -kill him. It's never been done before, killing an ancestor. I might -disrupt the whole family line. For example, I might never be born. We -couldn't possibly have that, could we?" - -"Not if you say we couldn't. What do you want, jack? To kill me?" - -"If I had wanted that I could merely pull the trigger, couldn't I?" - -"Yeah." - -"I'm afraid trying to kill you was a mistake. Angus is determined to go -on with his invention anyway. But if I can convince you not to take his -proposition, perhaps I'll be able to destroy his time machine before he -has time to hire another guard." - -"But why do you want to destroy it?" - -"Because I'm trapped here in your primitive age. Because I'll never get -back to my own time, that's why." - -"I don't get you." - -"Look. My ancestor Angus Haney invents a time machine. It can travel -forward in time, but not back. In my own day I invent a machine based -to a large extent on Angus' earlier machine. It can travel back in -time, but not forward. I come here, visiting your mid-twentieth -century, thinking I can return to my own day in Angus' machine." - -"Then why don't you want it built?" - -"Because Angus explained to me that I was wrong. The machines are -slightly different. I can travel on my own, but not his. He can travel -on his own, but not mine. Result, I'm trapped here. Unless--" - -"Unless what?" - -"Unless I can prevent Angus from completing his machine. If it's -destroyed, my own machine would have been impossible because, as I have -said, most of my work is based on Angus'. You'll help me?" - -"No," I said. "Why should I?" - -"Because I cannot stand living in your barbarous age. Because I want to -return home to the world I understand." - -"Hell," I said, "Angus is as good as my client right now." - -"I will give you," the well-preserved middle aged man said, "ten -thousand dollars to help me destroy Angus Haney's time machine." - -"And win or lose you won't have my family try to kill me any more?" - -"Win or lose," he said. - -Great-great--I got to call him that because I never learned his -name--waited for my answer while I did some of the fast thinking a -private dick has to do every working day of his life. When opportunity -knocks, a private dick can't pass it up. He won't keep his shingle up -long if he does because the work isn't exactly steady. This, obviously, -was opportunity. Ten thousand bucks worth. And ten G's in one lump sum -looked a lot better than Angus Haney's indefinite hundred a week. - -Did that mean I was turning on Angus Haney? Well, it's a cinch I -wouldn't have been booted out of the fraternity of private eyes for it -because despite what you read to the contrary in the two-bit shamus -books--of noble impulses and motives pure as chivalry--a private eye is -for number one and that's the end of it. - -"Mister," I said, "you have got yourself a deal. When do I start?" - -"You know where Angus Haney lives?" - -"He gave me his card." - -"Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. He's working late tonight so he'll sleep -late tomorrow. He's putting the finishing touches tonight on the first -time machine ever built. In the morning, we destroy it. All right?" - -"For ten thousand bucks," I said, "I'd destroy the Taj Mahal." - - * * * * * - -It was a cold clear morning. I didn't call home because I couldn't face -the wife and kid, not for a while. I had accused them of trying to kill -me and it was true enough but they had no recollection of it. I still -had the wife's car with me, but she could pick up mine at the service -station on her own way to work. - -I was too excited to eat breakfast. It isn't every morning you start -out to earn ten thousand dollars. - -I drove across town to the address on Angus Haney's card. Great-great -was already waiting for me, and pacing the sidewalk impatiently. The -frown lifted when he saw me and you could actually see him relax down -to the tips of his toes. - -"I can take care of the machine," he said. "You watch for Angus. If -Angus tries to stop me, you take care of Angus. All right?" - -I nodded and we went around the side of the house, where Angus Haney -had planted rhododendron and azaleas. Me, I don't care much for -plants--I only know the names because my wife makes such a fuss about -them. - -"In the cellar," Great-great whispered. "I have a key." - -"How did you get a key?" - -"In my own time this house is preserved as a museum. I simply made a -key from the restored model." - -In silence we approached the cellar door. A look at my wristwatch told -me it was seven-thirty. If Angus Haney had worked late last night he -would probably still be asleep. The job would be a lead-pipe cinch. - -I watched my companion slip a key into the lock. In a moment, the door -stood ajar and I was peering down a steep flight of bare wood steps. -Nodding at each other, we began to go down. - -We stopped short at the foot of the staircase. There was someone down -there. - -"I thought you said he'd be sleeping," I protested, barely forming the -words with my lips. - -"I'm sure he's asleep--but I didn't know he'd sleep down in the cellar. -Apparently he didn't want to leave the machine even for a minute." - -Faint light entered the cellar through the small high windows. At first -I saw nothing but the usual clutter of basement junk, but then in the -far corner beyond the water tank I saw something which didn't belong. -Make that two things. First, there was a man asleep on a cot. Second, -there was this machine. - -For all I know of gadgets, it could have been a super-powered ham radio -set. But a ham doesn't come complete with a glass-enclosed compartment -big enough for a man. - -We stalked across the floor, Great-great pausing to pick something up. -It was a length of steel pipe and with it he wouldn't have much trouble -demolishing Angus Haney's untried time machine. - -This was it. This was my big day. Ten thousand bucks for almost -nothing. I looked at the plump man sleeping on the cot in front of his -invention. I felt no remorse. His adversary had made a better offer, so -what the hell could he expect? - -All at once, things happened fast. Great-great stumbled over something -and went reeling across the room. He was so surprised that he shouted, -"But it doesn't belong there! I couldn't have tripped over it! It isn't -in the restoration, I tell you." - -I didn't have time to point out that the restoration might not be quite -accurate. Because the commotion woke up Angus Haney. - -He came springing off the cot--fully awake and alarmed in the -split-second it took to open his eyes. - -"You'll have to kill me first!" he cried, moving in front of the -machine and preparing to defend it like a mother lion defends her cubs. - -My companion ignored him, trying to work around behind him toward the -time machine. I advanced straight for Angus Haney. - -"Be sensible, jack," I said, "and you won't get hurt. I'm bigger than -you are and I know how to fight. I don't want to hurt you, but--" - - * * * * * - -He turned away from me, though, and lunged at Great-great. I dove at -him in a street clothes version of the flying tackle and we went -down together. Angus Haney was stronger than I had expected. Or maybe -it wasn't that. Maybe he was fighting with desperation. Because the -machine meant everything to him. - -Well, the ten grand wasn't exactly chicken feed to me, either. If Angus -was going to fight back, I had to play rough. I clubbed him across -the mouth with my right fist and his lips became a bloody smear, but -he kept kicking and twisting and writhing to get at his relative, who -stood poised now over the time machine with the length of steel pipe. - -"Don't!" Angus Haney screamed, and rolled clear of me. He was on his -feet in an instant and wrestling to get the pipe from my companion. - -"If I destroy it, you fool," the man who hadn't been born yet said, "I -won't build my own version of it and won't be trapped back here in your -twentieth century. You can't stop me." - -But Angus, who outweighed his antagonist, had other ideas. In the brief -time it took me to climb to my feet and reach them, the metal pipe went -clattering away across the floor and Angus was wrestling his relative -away from the time machine. I grabbed Angus' shoulder and swung him -around and hit him. He dropped like a stone and, with a whoop of -triumph, my companion scrambled after the heavy metal pipe. - -Angus was down but not out. I'll have to say this for him; he had guts. -He was on his feet again before Great-great could reach the machine. - -I'll never forget that scene. For a moment time seemed to be suspended. -Great-great stood poised with the metal pipe at the top of its arc, -ready to bring it down with crushing force on the delicate control -bank of the machine. Angus seemed to stop in mid-air as he leaped for -the pipe. Immediately behind him was the glass-enclosed booth of the -machine. Or--and this is important--it was glass-enclosed on three -sides. The fourth side was nothing but air. - -I caught Angus around the waist and pulled him back. We stumbled away -from the machine and then back toward it. Suddenly Angus went limp. It -was the oldest trick in the book, but I fell for it. I relaxed my hold -on him and, as soon as I did, he became a fury. Something struck the -side of my head and the next thing I knew I was staggering toward the -time machine. - -Just as Great-great brought the heavy metal pipe down. - -I staggered inside the glass-enclosed booth. - -There was a loud crashing sound. - -And then--unexpectedly--a faint hum--a sudden blurry curtain before my -eyes--a rolling, seething, billowing mist of white--and a moment of -exquisite pain.... - -And Angus Haney's voice from a million miles away: "You're destroying -it...." - -Then blackness like the gulf between the stars. - -Or between the centuries. - - * * * * * - -Well that's the story. I'm telling you everything so you'll understand. -I am not--repeat, not--crazy. I'm as sane as you are. Of course my -emotional responses to your mental tests are different: I'm from the -twentieth century. - -I know I can't get back. I know a little more ought to be said about my -story. Angus failed to stop Great-great, who completely demolished his -machine. - -How do I know? - -Because you never even heard of a successful experiment in time travel -here in the twenty-first century. Simple, isn't it. - -I wish I knew Great-great's name. If I knew his name and could find -him, he'd confirm my story. I know what you're thinking. Believe me, I -am not a paranoid. I.... - -What's that? His name's Haney, just like Angus Haney? That figures, -I guess. George Haney. Well, truck him in for crying out loud. He'll -confirm everything I say-- - -Here he is now. "Well, Jack am I glad to see you! They think I'm crazy. -They're trying to tell me there's no such thing as time travel, but I -ought to know. I come from the past. And you ought to know, because you -went back there to destroy Angus Haney's prototype of a time machine so -you wouldn't build one yourself, based on it, and be trapped back in my -century. Right? Incidentally, Jack, you can forget all about the ten -grand, just as long as you get me out of here and convince them I'm not -crazy." - -He stares at me. He's Great-great, all right. He frowns and says, "I -could not possibly be interested. I never saw you before in my life. -And obviously, there is no such thing as time travel." He shakes his -head sadly and starts to leave. - -"Wait!" I cry. "You don't understand. I understand now. Of course you -wouldn't know. You wouldn't remember. Because if you destroyed Angus -Haney's time machine there wouldn't be any such thing as time travel -and you wouldn't have built your own machine. So you forgot. The -episode sort of never existed for you." - -"I'm terribly sorry I can't help you, fellow." A genuine look of -sympathy in his eyes. - -"There's no such thing as time travel. For everybody but me. I'm the -one guy who proved time travel was possible--before the first and only -time machine was destroyed." - -He leaves. The head medics confer. I know what they're saying. I'm -nuts. Time travel is impossible so I must be nuts. - -But we know better, don't we? - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STOP, YOU'RE KILLING ME! *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Stop, You're Killing Me!</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Darius John Granger</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: November 13, 2021 [eBook #66723]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STOP, YOU'RE KILLING ME! ***</div> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>Stop, You're Killing Me!</h1> - -<h2>By Darius John Granger</h2> - -<p>As a private eye I get a lot of screwball<br /> -cases, but nothing to match my own; my wife and<br /> -kid trying to kill me—and neither aware of it!</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br /> -February 1956<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>It's funny how a silly little habit can save your life.</p> - -<p>I got into the car that morning and was thinking of nothing in -particular—except maybe the cases I hoped to be getting downtown in my -one man private dick office. We live at the top of the city's highest -hill, my wife and our son Sam, who's seventeen, and myself. At least -it's the highest hill in the residential district and the highest one -I know of. So out of habit I patted the brakes to test them as the car -began to roll down the slight incline of the driveway.</p> - -<p>The brakes didn't hold.</p> - -<p>Had I started down Jackson Hill, down the long half mile slope which -levels off at the busy intersection of MacArthur and Houston Avenues, -I'd have streaked through the intersection out of control. I don't know -what the odds for survival are in such a circumstance, but I'd hate to -have to test them.</p> - -<p>As it was, I shook my head in surprise and pulled the handbrake, -bringing the Olds to a stop at the foot of the driveway. I climbed out -and bent down to take a look at the right front wheel. In a few seconds -I knew what the trouble was. Brake fluid. There wasn't any. But that -didn't make sense because I'd had the car—brakes included—overhauled -only last week.</p> - -<p>Which meant someone had drained the brake fluid from the Olds.</p> - -<p>I checked the other front wheel and it was the same. No brake fluid. -I sat there in the car for a few minutes smoking a cigarette before I -went into the house to call the local service station and have them tow -the Olds in.</p> - -<p>It was the third time in less than a month that someone had tried to -kill me.</p> - -<p>That happens, of course, to private detectives. It isn't only in the -movies and the two-bit mystery thrillers that it happens. It happens in -real life, too. I know because I've been in the business twenty years. -Go downtown some time and look me up; Frank Foley's the name and you'll -find me in the Ditmas Building on Pearl Street. Sure it happens to -private eyes in real life. They're on a hot case and someone wants them -off and because it's known bribes won't do any good, violence, mayhem -and murder are tried.</p> - -<p>But that didn't fit the situation in this case. There had been three -tries on my life. The jets of our gas stove turned on while I was -napping over a cup of coffee late of a cold night in the kitchen, with -door and windows closed. The pulley of our extension ladder failing -to hold while I was up painting the eaves of the house. And now the -drained brake fluid.</p> - -<p>I was on no important case. All of my work at the moment was routine. -They say I am getting old, but don't you believe it. I've got some good -cases ahead of me yet. They say I was able to get away with my shady -tricks when I was younger but that I'm slipping and can't get away -with them now. Don't you believe it. In my business you've always got -to get away with them. And when Frank Foley is all washed up, Frank -Foley will be the first one to know it.</p> - -<p>The situation in this case was worse. The situation in this case was -strictly a family affair. All the attempts at my life had been made at -home, either by my wife Sue or our boy Sam. Sounds nuts, because we're -a pretty happy family usually. But there it was. Either Sue or Sam -could have snafu'd the pulley on the extension ladder and either one of -them could have turned on the gas jets after I had dozed. As for the -drained brake fluid, Sue didn't know a spark plug from the carburetor -air intake, but Sam was a hot rod with his own beat-up jalopy and knew -as much about cars as anyone since old Henry Ford himself.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I went inside and sat down at the kitchen table. Sam was still -lingering over his coffee before heading over to the high school. Sue -was doing the dishes and humming. She turned around and said:</p> - -<p>"S'matter dear, something wrong with the car?"</p> - -<p>"You better ask Sammy," I suggested.</p> - -<p>"Sammy? But why?"</p> - -<p>"I don't get it, pop," Sammy said still drinking his coffee.</p> - -<p>The other two times I had said nothing. Accidents. You don't accuse -your own wife and son of trying to kill you unless you're sure. But the -drained brake fluid was no accident. I swept Sammy's coffee cup off -the table with my right hand and grabbed the front of his shirt. Sue -screamed with surprise as I dragged Sammy to his feet.</p> - -<p>"You drained out the brake fluid," I said.</p> - -<p>"I don't know what you're talking about, pop. What's the matter with -you? You'll rip the shirt!"</p> - -<p>"Lay off of him for crying out loud, Frank," Sue cried out.</p> - -<p>"Lay off of him," I said, repeating her words and imitating her tone. -This always exasperated Sue. She put down her dish rag and came over to -me and hollered:</p> - -<p>"Well, you haven't said what's the matter."</p> - -<p>"I said he drained the brake fluid out of the car. I could have killed -myself."</p> - -<p>"That's ridiculous, Frank, and you know it. Why would Sam do a thing -like that?"</p> - -<p>"How should I know why he'd do a thing like that?"</p> - -<p>"Why don't you let go of him?"</p> - -<p>I did so and Sammy slumped down into his chair. "How should I know," I -went on, "why either one of you would bolix up the extension ladder or -turn on the gas jets right here in the kitchen while I was dozing?"</p> - -<p>"What?" Sue gasped. "What did you say?"</p> - -<p>"You heard right, mom," Sammy said, staring at me as if I'd just -escaped from the twentieth century equivalent of bedlam.</p> - -<p>"Frank, you've been working too hard," Sue said. "Why don't you take a -vacation? We could go off to—"</p> - -<p>"Oh, to hell with a vacation," I said, but I was simmering down. They -both looked so completely innocent, it kind of stopped me. Add to that -fact that my family had no reason in the world for trying to kill me, -and I was almost inclined to believe them.</p> - -<p>Except that you couldn't change the facts. You couldn't change what had -happened.</p> - -<p>I turned around without saying anything and headed for the door. "Why -don't you drop in on Doc Mundin on the way to work?" Sue suggested.</p> - -<p>I slammed the door and went out to the wife's car and got in and drove -downtown. All the way down, you could have threaded a needle with the -line my lips made.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There was one customer in my waiting room when I reached the office. I -offered him a curt nod and went by the inner door. "Be right with you," -I mumbled. He didn't respond. He was a short, chunky man with hips as -wide as his shoulders and a flabby, loose-jowled face but a chest like -a barrel. I gave him a double take when he failed to respond. I said, -"Well, do you want to see a private detective or don't you?"</p> - -<p>"I want to see you," he said.</p> - -<p>Somehow, I didn't like the way he said it, but let it ride. "Be right -with you," I told him as I unlocked the inner door and moved through -the sanctum sanctorum, such as it is. I smoked a cigarette halfway down -before I pressed the buzzer to admit him.</p> - -<p>He came in with the bouncy stride to which chunky fat men are prone. He -looked straight at me and smiled as if he had known me for years. "I'm -glad to see you're still alive, Mr. Foley," he said.</p> - -<p>I stood up. "Would you say that again please?" I asked him.</p> - -<p>"I'm glad to see you're still alive."</p> - -<p>"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"</p> - -<p>"Well, let me see. By this time your wife and son would have tried -three times to kill you. That being the—"</p> - -<p>I was around the desk before he could finish. I grabbed him much -harder than I had grabbed Sammy. Something—probably the lining of his -jacket—ripped. "You'd better explain that," I suggested.</p> - -<p>"There's hardly anything to explain. Your wife tried to kill you by -almost cutting through the pulley rope of your extension ladder, but -you got off with a strained ankle. She tried to kill again by leaving -the gas jets on one night in the kitchen. But you awoke in time. Your -son tried to kill you this morning by draining the brake fluid from -your car. There now. Does that bring us up to date?"</p> - -<p>I was so shocked I let go of him. I sat down and lit another cigarette -with what remained of the first. I watched him brush himself off and -settle himself in the client chair.</p> - -<p>"I can't blame you for behaving like that," he said.</p> - -<p>"What the devil have you been doing, living in our attic and spying on -me?"</p> - -<p>"Dear me, no. But you see, I know. I know all about you, Mr. Foley. I -have to know."</p> - -<p>"You have to?"</p> - -<p>"Now that you have avoided death the first three times, I'm going to -hire you."</p> - -<p>"To hire me? What for?"</p> - -<p>I must have sounded so amazed that my visitor said: "You do hire -yourself out as a private detective? Don't you? That is your function, -isn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Yeah, but—"</p> - -<p>"But how did I know? That's a long story. Too long and too involved for -you and probably you wouldn't believe it anyhow. Look, Mr. Foley. I -would like to hire you. I am an inventor. Your job will be to protect -me and my invention against harm—for as long as necessary. Perhaps the -rest of my life."</p> - -<p>"The rest of your life!"</p> - -<p>"Oh, that isn't very long. You see, I die of a heart attack in 1959."</p> - -<p>"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "You mean, your doctor told you you -only have three more years to live?"</p> - -<p>"My doctor?" the chunky fat man said. "Dear me, no. My great great -great great grandchild told me. And he, of course, knows."</p> - -<p>"Your great great great great grandchild," I said.</p> - -<p>"Yes, of course. Naturally the dear boy—if you can call a man your own -age a boy—is very upset. He's marooned here, you see."</p> - -<p>"This—uh—great great great great grandson is your own age, you say?"</p> - -<p>"Perhaps a little older. I never asked him."</p> - -<p>"But he won't be born for a hundred years!" I gasped. There was a -silence. Then I smiled at my visitor. I had to smile. He was pulling my -leg. He did it the best, the soberest way possible—but he was pulling -my leg. There would be a place for him on TV, I thought, and said so.</p> - -<p>"But I'm not joking," he insisted. "Everything I told you is true, Mr. -Foley. Here is what I want you to do. For as long as necessary, perhaps -until my death in 1959, I want you to protect me and my invention. I'll -pay you a hundred dollars a week for as long as I live, plus expenses."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A hundred and expenses was more than I averaged, but I didn't say that. -I said, "What do I have to protect you against?"</p> - -<p>"Why, didn't I say? My great great—"</p> - -<p>"Great great," I said for him, "grandson. Look, jack. You're talking -in riddles. Why don't you spit straight out whatever you want to say? -Your great great great great grandson can't possibly want to harm you -because, damn it, he hasn't been born yet. Which leaves us where?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, but you're wrong. He doesn't want to harm me specifically. -He merely wants to stop me from completing my invention. When he -discovered I was going to hire you to protect me he decided to kill you -as a warning to me. He tried three times and missed three times so I -know you're pretty resourceful, Mr. Foley. I'd feel that my invention -and I are safe in your hands."</p> - -<p>"First you say my family's trying to kill me, then you say your four -times grandson. Well, which is it?"</p> - -<p>"Both. That is, my relative employs mental suggestion on your -relatives, using them as agents. They have no reason to kill you, do -they?"</p> - -<p>"No," I admitted.</p> - -<p>"There. Then obviously it must be my—umm, four times grandson, as you -say. Will you take the job?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know yet," I said. "I'll admit it, jack. I don't know if -you're crazy or I'm crazy."</p> - -<p>"Why does either one of us have to be crazy? Can't you simply protect -me and my invention and—"</p> - -<p>"What kind of invention is it?" I asked.</p> - -<p>"I thought you would get around to that."</p> - -<p>"Well, what is it?"</p> - -<p>"I had wanted to wait until it was finished so I could show you. One -doesn't simply talk about an invention like mine and expect to be -believed."</p> - -<p>When I'm puzzled I become arrogant. I guess you call it bluster and -often it can see you through pretty rough spots. So despite the offer -of a hundred dollars a week plus expenses I said, "Either you tell me -all about it, or we forget you ever came here. Understand?"</p> - -<p>"I suppose so," he admitted. "Very well, then—"</p> - -<p>"Just a minute. You haven't even told me your name."</p> - -<p>"It's Haney. Angus W. Haney, Mr. Foley."</p> - -<p>"Now what about the invention?"</p> - -<p>"It's almost finished," Angus W. Haney said. "At the moment I can't -prove to you that it works. Unless you believe my great great great -great grandson really is what I say he is."</p> - -<p>"Whoever heard of a—"</p> - -<p>"That is crucial, Mr. Foley. Because if you believe he is what I say he -is, then you know my invention will be a success. You see, what I am in -the process of inventing is a time machine."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>That was enough for one day and I guess Angus W. Haney knew it was -enough. He gave me his card and told me to call him and I said that -I would. After he had left, I got out the office bottle—which that -winter was bourbon—and poured myself a good hard slug which went down -smoothly. It's a hoax, I kept telling myself. It has to be a hoax.</p> - -<p>But was it? I guess I wasn't entirely convinced, because Angus Haney -had said that his four times grandson was using my Sue and Sammy—via -mental suggestion—to kill me. And that being the case, I decided -against going home that night. What the hell, a guy couldn't take -chances, not in my business. You learned to be careful or else you left -the business in a hurry or they carried you out. So, I'd wait and see.</p> - -<p>I called up home and made some kind of excuse, then took a room -downtown in the Hazel Arms Hotel. I checked in, showered, and went -outside for a good meal. When I returned to the Hazel Arms it was early -so I killed some time at the bar, then went out and took in a movie.</p> - -<p>At ten o'clock that evening I went upstairs to turn in. Kind of an -early hour for a private eye, I know, but I was bushed and I guess I'm -not as young as I used to be. I shut the door behind me and was about -to turn on the light when a voice said:</p> - -<p>"After you turn it on just walk to the bed and sit down, please. I'm -holding a gun on you."</p> - -<p>I touched the light switch and the room was bathed in light and I saw -him. He was a middle aged fellow, but trim and well-preserved with dark -piercing eyes and hair graying at the temples. He said, "I suppose you -know who I am."</p> - -<p>I sat down on the bed, shaking my head. He was seated across the room -from me in a wing chair, holding a .38 Banker's Special very steadily -in his right hand, the muzzle pointing at me.</p> - -<p>"No," I said. "Who are you?"</p> - -<p>"I am Angus Haney's great great great great grandson."</p> - -<p>By then I didn't even blink. I merely said, "Go on, I'm listening."</p> - -<p>"I tried to have you killed as a warning to my relation, Mr. Foley. You -see, I don't want to kill him. I can't predict what might happen if I -kill him. It's never been done before, killing an ancestor. I might -disrupt the whole family line. For example, I might never be born. We -couldn't possibly have that, could we?"</p> - -<p>"Not if you say we couldn't. What do you want, jack? To kill me?"</p> - -<p>"If I had wanted that I could merely pull the trigger, couldn't I?"</p> - -<p>"Yeah."</p> - -<p>"I'm afraid trying to kill you was a mistake. Angus is determined to go -on with his invention anyway. But if I can convince you not to take his -proposition, perhaps I'll be able to destroy his time machine before he -has time to hire another guard."</p> - -<p>"But why do you want to destroy it?"</p> - -<p>"Because I'm trapped here in your primitive age. Because I'll never get -back to my own time, that's why."</p> - -<p>"I don't get you."</p> - -<p>"Look. My ancestor Angus Haney invents a time machine. It can travel -forward in time, but not back. In my own day I invent a machine based -to a large extent on Angus' earlier machine. It can travel back in -time, but not forward. I come here, visiting your mid-twentieth -century, thinking I can return to my own day in Angus' machine."</p> - -<p>"Then why don't you want it built?"</p> - -<p>"Because Angus explained to me that I was wrong. The machines are -slightly different. I can travel on my own, but not his. He can travel -on his own, but not mine. Result, I'm trapped here. Unless—"</p> - -<p>"Unless what?"</p> - -<p>"Unless I can prevent Angus from completing his machine. If it's -destroyed, my own machine would have been impossible because, as I have -said, most of my work is based on Angus'. You'll help me?"</p> - -<p>"No," I said. "Why should I?"</p> - -<p>"Because I cannot stand living in your barbarous age. Because I want to -return home to the world I understand."</p> - -<p>"Hell," I said, "Angus is as good as my client right now."</p> - -<p>"I will give you," the well-preserved middle aged man said, "ten -thousand dollars to help me destroy Angus Haney's time machine."</p> - -<p>"And win or lose you won't have my family try to kill me any more?"</p> - -<p>"Win or lose," he said.</p> - -<p>Great-great—I got to call him that because I never learned his -name—waited for my answer while I did some of the fast thinking a -private dick has to do every working day of his life. When opportunity -knocks, a private dick can't pass it up. He won't keep his shingle up -long if he does because the work isn't exactly steady. This, obviously, -was opportunity. Ten thousand bucks worth. And ten G's in one lump sum -looked a lot better than Angus Haney's indefinite hundred a week.</p> - -<p>Did that mean I was turning on Angus Haney? Well, it's a cinch I -wouldn't have been booted out of the fraternity of private eyes for it -because despite what you read to the contrary in the two-bit shamus -books—of noble impulses and motives pure as chivalry—a private eye is -for number one and that's the end of it.</p> - -<p>"Mister," I said, "you have got yourself a deal. When do I start?"</p> - -<p>"You know where Angus Haney lives?"</p> - -<p>"He gave me his card."</p> - -<p>"Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. He's working late tonight so he'll sleep -late tomorrow. He's putting the finishing touches tonight on the first -time machine ever built. In the morning, we destroy it. All right?"</p> - -<p>"For ten thousand bucks," I said, "I'd destroy the Taj Mahal."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was a cold clear morning. I didn't call home because I couldn't face -the wife and kid, not for a while. I had accused them of trying to kill -me and it was true enough but they had no recollection of it. I still -had the wife's car with me, but she could pick up mine at the service -station on her own way to work.</p> - -<p>I was too excited to eat breakfast. It isn't every morning you start -out to earn ten thousand dollars.</p> - -<p>I drove across town to the address on Angus Haney's card. Great-great -was already waiting for me, and pacing the sidewalk impatiently. The -frown lifted when he saw me and you could actually see him relax down -to the tips of his toes.</p> - -<p>"I can take care of the machine," he said. "You watch for Angus. If -Angus tries to stop me, you take care of Angus. All right?"</p> - -<p>I nodded and we went around the side of the house, where Angus Haney -had planted rhododendron and azaleas. Me, I don't care much for -plants—I only know the names because my wife makes such a fuss about -them.</p> - -<p>"In the cellar," Great-great whispered. "I have a key."</p> - -<p>"How did you get a key?"</p> - -<p>"In my own time this house is preserved as a museum. I simply made a -key from the restored model."</p> - -<p>In silence we approached the cellar door. A look at my wristwatch told -me it was seven-thirty. If Angus Haney had worked late last night he -would probably still be asleep. The job would be a lead-pipe cinch.</p> - -<p>I watched my companion slip a key into the lock. In a moment, the door -stood ajar and I was peering down a steep flight of bare wood steps. -Nodding at each other, we began to go down.</p> - -<p>We stopped short at the foot of the staircase. There was someone down -there.</p> - -<p>"I thought you said he'd be sleeping," I protested, barely forming the -words with my lips.</p> - -<p>"I'm sure he's asleep—but I didn't know he'd sleep down in the cellar. -Apparently he didn't want to leave the machine even for a minute."</p> - -<p>Faint light entered the cellar through the small high windows. At first -I saw nothing but the usual clutter of basement junk, but then in the -far corner beyond the water tank I saw something which didn't belong. -Make that two things. First, there was a man asleep on a cot. Second, -there was this machine.</p> - -<p>For all I know of gadgets, it could have been a super-powered ham radio -set. But a ham doesn't come complete with a glass-enclosed compartment -big enough for a man.</p> - -<p>We stalked across the floor, Great-great pausing to pick something up. -It was a length of steel pipe and with it he wouldn't have much trouble -demolishing Angus Haney's untried time machine.</p> - -<p>This was it. This was my big day. Ten thousand bucks for almost -nothing. I looked at the plump man sleeping on the cot in front of his -invention. I felt no remorse. His adversary had made a better offer, so -what the hell could he expect?</p> - -<p>All at once, things happened fast. Great-great stumbled over something -and went reeling across the room. He was so surprised that he shouted, -"But it doesn't belong there! I couldn't have tripped over it! It isn't -in the restoration, I tell you."</p> - -<p>I didn't have time to point out that the restoration might not be quite -accurate. Because the commotion woke up Angus Haney.</p> - -<p>He came springing off the cot—fully awake and alarmed in the -split-second it took to open his eyes.</p> - -<p>"You'll have to kill me first!" he cried, moving in front of the -machine and preparing to defend it like a mother lion defends her cubs.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>My companion ignored him, trying to work around behind him toward the -time machine. I advanced straight for Angus Haney.</p> - -<p>"Be sensible, jack," I said, "and you won't get hurt. I'm bigger than -you are and I know how to fight. I don't want to hurt you, but—"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He turned away from me, though, and lunged at Great-great. I dove at -him in a street clothes version of the flying tackle and we went -down together. Angus Haney was stronger than I had expected. Or maybe -it wasn't that. Maybe he was fighting with desperation. Because the -machine meant everything to him.</p> - -<p>Well, the ten grand wasn't exactly chicken feed to me, either. If Angus -was going to fight back, I had to play rough. I clubbed him across -the mouth with my right fist and his lips became a bloody smear, but -he kept kicking and twisting and writhing to get at his relative, who -stood poised now over the time machine with the length of steel pipe.</p> - -<p>"Don't!" Angus Haney screamed, and rolled clear of me. He was on his -feet in an instant and wrestling to get the pipe from my companion.</p> - -<p>"If I destroy it, you fool," the man who hadn't been born yet said, "I -won't build my own version of it and won't be trapped back here in your -twentieth century. You can't stop me."</p> - -<p>But Angus, who outweighed his antagonist, had other ideas. In the brief -time it took me to climb to my feet and reach them, the metal pipe went -clattering away across the floor and Angus was wrestling his relative -away from the time machine. I grabbed Angus' shoulder and swung him -around and hit him. He dropped like a stone and, with a whoop of -triumph, my companion scrambled after the heavy metal pipe.</p> - -<p>Angus was down but not out. I'll have to say this for him; he had guts. -He was on his feet again before Great-great could reach the machine.</p> - -<p>I'll never forget that scene. For a moment time seemed to be suspended. -Great-great stood poised with the metal pipe at the top of its arc, -ready to bring it down with crushing force on the delicate control -bank of the machine. Angus seemed to stop in mid-air as he leaped for -the pipe. Immediately behind him was the glass-enclosed booth of the -machine. Or—and this is important—it was glass-enclosed on three -sides. The fourth side was nothing but air.</p> - -<p>I caught Angus around the waist and pulled him back. We stumbled away -from the machine and then back toward it. Suddenly Angus went limp. It -was the oldest trick in the book, but I fell for it. I relaxed my hold -on him and, as soon as I did, he became a fury. Something struck the -side of my head and the next thing I knew I was staggering toward the -time machine.</p> - -<p>Just as Great-great brought the heavy metal pipe down.</p> - -<p>I staggered inside the glass-enclosed booth.</p> - -<p>There was a loud crashing sound.</p> - -<p>And then—unexpectedly—a faint hum—a sudden blurry curtain before my -eyes—a rolling, seething, billowing mist of white—and a moment of -exquisite pain....</p> - -<p>And Angus Haney's voice from a million miles away: "You're destroying -it...."</p> - -<p>Then blackness like the gulf between the stars.</p> - -<p>Or between the centuries.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Well that's the story. I'm telling you everything so you'll understand. -I am not—repeat, not—crazy. I'm as sane as you are. Of course my -emotional responses to your mental tests are different: I'm from the -twentieth century.</p> - -<p>I know I can't get back. I know a little more ought to be said about my -story. Angus failed to stop Great-great, who completely demolished his -machine.</p> - -<p>How do I know?</p> - -<p>Because you never even heard of a successful experiment in time travel -here in the twenty-first century. Simple, isn't it.</p> - -<p>I wish I knew Great-great's name. If I knew his name and could find -him, he'd confirm my story. I know what you're thinking. Believe me, I -am not a paranoid. I....</p> - -<p>What's that? His name's Haney, just like Angus Haney? That figures, -I guess. George Haney. Well, truck him in for crying out loud. He'll -confirm everything I say—</p> - -<p>Here he is now. "Well, Jack am I glad to see you! They think I'm crazy. -They're trying to tell me there's no such thing as time travel, but I -ought to know. I come from the past. And you ought to know, because you -went back there to destroy Angus Haney's prototype of a time machine so -you wouldn't build one yourself, based on it, and be trapped back in my -century. Right? Incidentally, Jack, you can forget all about the ten -grand, just as long as you get me out of here and convince them I'm not -crazy."</p> - -<p>He stares at me. He's Great-great, all right. He frowns and says, "I -could not possibly be interested. I never saw you before in my life. -And obviously, there is no such thing as time travel." He shakes his -head sadly and starts to leave.</p> - -<p>"Wait!" I cry. "You don't understand. I understand now. Of course you -wouldn't know. You wouldn't remember. Because if you destroyed Angus -Haney's time machine there wouldn't be any such thing as time travel -and you wouldn't have built your own machine. So you forgot. The -episode sort of never existed for you."</p> - -<p>"I'm terribly sorry I can't help you, fellow." A genuine look of -sympathy in his eyes.</p> - -<p>"There's no such thing as time travel. For everybody but me. I'm the -one guy who proved time travel was possible—before the first and only -time machine was destroyed."</p> - -<p>He leaves. The head medics confer. I know what they're saying. I'm -nuts. Time travel is impossible so I must be nuts.</p> - -<p>But we know better, don't we?</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STOP, YOU'RE KILLING ME! ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ -concept and trademark. 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