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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Little Citizens, by Myra Kelly
+
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+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
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+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
+
+
+Title: Little Citizens
+
+Author: Myra Kelly
+
+Release Date: October, 2004  [EBook #6662]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on January 10, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, LITTLE CITIZENS ***
+
+
+
+
+Phil McLaury, Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+LITTLE CITIZENS
+
+The Humours of School Life
+
+BY MYRA KELLY
+
+ILLUSTRATED BY W. D. STEVENS
+
+
+
+
+
+TO MY MOTHER
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+
+A Little Matter of Real Estate
+
+The Uses of Adversity
+
+A Christmas Present for a Lady
+
+Love Among the Blackboards
+
+Morris and the Honourable Tim
+
+When a Man's Widowed
+
+H.R.H. The Prince of Hester Street
+
+The Land Of Heart's Desire
+
+A Passport to Paradise
+
+The Touch of Nature
+
+
+
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+
+"Say, Teacher, I got something for you". _Frontispiece_
+
+Isidore Belchatosky, the Adonis of the class
+
+"I got two swollen legs over her"
+
+"My dear little chap, you mustn't cry like that"
+
+"Dismissed with the common herd at three o'clock"
+
+"I must ask you to leave this room"
+
+"Teacher, I tells you 'scuse"
+
+"So you want lick, so you can lick"
+
+"She's a beautiful yonge uptown lady, but easy scared. Oh, awful easy
+scared!"
+
+"Don't you dast to touch me," he yelled
+
+"Look at your back!"
+
+"You'll wish you minded your own ---- business before I get through
+with you"
+
+Morris Mogilewsky
+
+"I washes me the face"
+
+"Ain't you never comin' on the school for to see mine teacher?"
+
+
+
+
+A LITTLE MATTER OF REAL ESTATE
+
+
+
+Four weeks of teaching in a lower East Side school had deprived
+Constance Bailey of many of the "Ideals in Education" which, during
+four years at college, she had trustingly acquired. But, despite many
+discouragements, despite an unintelligible dialect and an autocratic
+"Course of Study," she clung to an ambition to establish harmony in
+her kingdom and to impress a high moral tone upon the fifty-eight
+little children of Israel entrusted to her care. She was therefore
+troubled and heavy of heart when it was borne in upon her that two of
+her little flock--cousins to boot, and girls--had so far forgotten the
+Golden Rule as to be "mad on theirselves und wouldn't to talk even,"
+as that Bureau of Fashionable Intelligence, Sarah Schrodsky, duly
+reported.
+
+"Und Teacher," Sarah continued, "Eva Gonorowsky's mamma has a mad on
+Sadie Gonorowsky's mamma, und her papa has a mad on her papa, und her
+gran'ma has a mad on both of papas und both of mammas, und her gran'pa
+has a mad somethin' fierce on both of uncles, und her auntie--"
+
+Here Miss Bailey sent the too communicative Sarah to her place and
+called the divided house of Gonorowsky to her desk for instant judgment.
+And as she held forth she was delighted to see that her words were
+falling upon good ground, for the dark and dainty features of her
+hearers expressed a flattering degree of conviction and of humility. She
+was admiring the wonderful lashes lying damp and dark on Eva's smooth
+cheek when the beautiful eyes unclosed, gazed straight across the desk
+at Sadie, and Eva took a flying leap into Teacher's lap to cling with
+arms and knees and fingers to her chosen refuge.
+
+"Oh, Teacher, Teacher," she wailed, "Sadie makes on me such a snoot
+I got a scare over it."
+
+Miss Bailey turned to the so lately placid face of Sadie in search of
+the devastating "snoot," but met only a serene glance of conscious
+guilelessness and the assurance:
+
+"No ma'an, I don't makes no snoot on nobody. I get killed as anything
+off of my mamma sooner I makes a snoot. It ain't polite." This with
+a reassuring smile and direct and candid gaze.
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an, she makes all times a snoot on me," cried the
+now weeping Eva, "all times. She turns her nose around, und makes go
+away her eyes, und comes her tongue out long. On'y I dassent to fight
+mit her while I'm cousins mit her. Und over cousins you got all times
+kind feelings."
+
+"Well, Sadie," Teacher questioned, "what have you to say?"
+
+The dark eyes met Teacher's with no shadow in their depths as Sadie
+uttered her denial:
+
+"I _never_ in my world done no snoot."
+
+A shudder of admiring awe swept over the assembled class--followed by
+a gasp of open contradiction as Sadie went on with her vindication.
+For Sadie's snoots were the envy of all the class. Had not Morris
+Mogilewsky paid three cents for lessons in the art, and, with the
+accomplishment, frightened a baby into what its angry mother described
+as "spine-yell convulsions"? And now Sadie was saying, "I _couldn't_ to
+make no snoot. Never. But, Teacher, it's like this: Eva makes _me_ whole
+bunches of trouble. Bertha Binderwitz und me is monitors in the yard
+when the childrens comes back from dinner. So-o-oh, I says, 'front
+dress,' like you says, so the childrens shall look on what head is in
+front of them. On'y Eva she don't 'front dress' at all, but extra she
+longs out her neck und rubs on me somethin' fierce--"
+
+"It's a lie!" interrupted Eva gently. "I don't make nothing like that.
+I stands by my line und Sadie she makes faces on me with her hand. It
+ain't polite." This with plaintive self-righteousness. "No ma'an, it
+_ain't_ polite--you makes snoots mit your hand like this." And as Eva
+illustrated with outspread fingers and a pink thumb in juxtaposition to
+a diminutive nose, Teacher, with uncertain gravity, was forced to admit
+that snoots of that description are sanctioned by few books of
+etiquette.
+
+"Now, my dear little girls," said she, "this quarrelling must stop.
+I want you to kiss each other as cousins should."
+
+This suggestion was a distinct failure. Eva and Sadie, with much
+fluttering of aprons and waving of curls, sought opposite corners of
+the schoolroom, while up started Sarah Schrodsky with: "Teacher, they
+couldn't to make no kissing. They're mad on theirselves 'cause their
+mammas has a mad. Sadie's mamma says like this on Eva's mamma, 'Don't
+you dast to talk to me--you lives by the fifth floor und your man is
+a robber.' Und Eva's mamma says--"
+
+When Teacher had managed to silence Sarah she led the weeping
+Gonorowskys back to their places and the scholastic world wagged on
+in outward tranquillity.
+
+Hostilities were temporarily suspended some days later owing to the
+illness of Sadie, by far the more aggressive of the opposing parties.
+Eva led a placid life for three peaceful days, and then--as by law
+prescribed and postal card invited--Sadie's mother came to explain
+her daughter's absence. Large of person, bland of manner, in a heavy
+black shawl and a heavier black wig, Mrs. Lazarus Gonorowsky stood
+beaming and bobbing in the hall.
+
+"I likes I should Sadie Gonorowsky's teacher see," she began, in the
+peculiar English of the adult population of the East Side. Mrs.
+Gonorowsky could neither use nor understand her young daughter's copious
+invective. Upon being assured that the diminutive form before her was
+indeed clothed with authority, she announced:
+
+"Comes a letter I should by the school come. I was Sadie's mamma."
+Here she drew from the inner recesses of the black shawl a bundle
+which, being placed in a perpendicular position, proved to be the most
+recent addition to the Gonorowsky household. She smoothed it with a
+work-worn but tender hand, and repeated in a saddened voice: "Yes,
+ma'am, I was her mamma und she lays now on the bed."
+
+The increasing sadness of Mrs. Gonorowsky's announcement and its
+sinister phraseology startled Teacher. "Not dead!" she cried. "Oh,
+surely not dead!"
+
+"Sure not," was the indignant response. "She's got such a sickness she
+must lay on the bed, und comes the doctor. Sadie's papa holds much on
+that child, Miss Teacher, und all times he has a worry over her. Me
+too. She comes by the school tomorrow maybe, und I ask you by a favour
+you should do me the kindness to look on her. So she feel again sick
+she should better on the house come. She say, 'Oh, mamma, I got a
+lovely teacher; I likes to look on her the while she has such a light
+face.'"
+
+Having thus diplomatically led up to a question, Mrs. Gonorowsky with
+great suavity asked, "Sadie is a good girl, hein?"
+
+"Oh, yes, indeed."
+
+"She is shmardt, hein? She don't make you no troubles?"
+
+"Well," Miss Bailey answered, "she has rather bothered me lately by
+quarrelling with her little cousin, Eva."
+
+"So-o-oh!" exclaimed Sadie's parent ponderously. "So-o-oh, Eva
+Gonorowsky makes you troubles; she is a bad girl--I tell Sadie--Sadie
+is a good girl--I tell her she should make nothings with Eva soch a
+bad girl. For what you not put her back by baby class? She is not
+shmardt."
+
+"Oh, but she is; she is a bright little thing," cried Teacher. "I
+couldn't think of putting her back. She's a dear little girl and I
+can't imagine why Sadie quarrels with her."
+
+Mrs. Gonorowsky drew her ample form to a wonderful erectness, readjusted
+her shawl, and answered with much stateliness:
+
+"It was a trouble from off of real estate." With dignity and blandness
+she proceeded to kiss Teacher's hand, and signified entire willingness
+to entrust her precious Sadie to the care of so estimable a young
+person, inquired solicitously if the work were not too much for so
+small a lady, and cautioned the young person against rainy mornings.
+Had she a mackintosh? Mr. Gonorowsky was selling them off that week.
+Were her imperceptibles sufficiently warm? Mr. Gonorowsky, by a strange
+chance, was absolutely giving away "fine all from wool" imperceptibles,
+and the store was near. Mrs. Gonorowsky then withdrew, leaving a kindly
+sentiment in Teacher's heart and an atmosphere of ironing-boards and
+onions in the hall. On the following morning Sadie returned to her
+"light-faced" teacher, and for one whole day hostilities were suspended.
+
+But on the morning after this truce Eva was absent from her accustomed
+place and Sadie blandly disclaimed all knowledge of her whereabouts.
+After the noon recess a pathetic little figure wavered in the doorway
+with one arm in a sling and one eye in a poultice. The remaining eye
+was fixed in deep reproach on the face of Isidore Belchatosky, the
+Adonis of the class, and the eye was the eye of Eva.
+
+"Eva!" exclaimed Teacher, "oh, Eva, what can you have been doing?
+What's the matter with your eye?"
+
+"Isidore Belchatosky he goes und makes me this here shiner," said Eva's
+accusing voice, as the eye under the poultice was uncovered for a
+moment. It was indeed a "shiner" of aggravated aspect, and Isidore
+cringed as it met his affrighted gaze. The sling and the bandages were
+of gay chintz, showing forth the adventures of Robinson Crusoe, and
+their lurid colours made them horribly conspicuous. Friday scampered
+across Eva's forehead, pursued by savages; and Crusoe, under his
+enormous umbrella, nestled close to her heart.
+
+"Surely Isidore would never hit a little girl?" Teacher remonstrated.
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an; he makes me this here shiner. Sadie she goes und
+tells him she kisses him a kiss so he makes me a shiner. He's lovin'
+mit her und she's got kind feelin's by him, the while his papa's got
+a candy cart. It's a stylish candy cart mit a bell und a horn. So-o-oh
+I was yesterday on the store for buy my mamma some wurst, und I don't
+make nothings mit nobody."
+
+Here the poor, half-blind Eva, with her love and talent for pantomime,
+took a gay little walk past Teacher's desk, with tossing head and
+swinging skirts. Then with a cry she recoiled from the very memory of
+her wrongs.
+
+"Come Isidore! Und he hits me a hack on my leg so I couldn't to hold
+it even. So I falls und I make me this here shiner. Und when my mamma
+seen how comes such a bile on my bone she had a mad; she hollered
+somethin' fierce."
+
+One could well sympathize with the harassed Mrs. Nathan Gonorowsky.
+
+"So-o-oh," continued Eva with melancholy enjoyment, "my mamma she puts
+medsin at a rag und bangages up mine eye. Und now I ain't healthy."
+
+"Sadie Gonorowsky, come here!" commanded Miss Bailey, in a voice which
+lifted Sadie bodily from the place to which she had guiltily determined
+to cling. And Sadie went, jaunty of air, but with shifting eyes.
+
+"Isidore Belchatosky, come here!" commanded Miss Bailey, and Isidore
+slunk after his divinity.
+
+Teacher was savagely angry, but bylaws forbade corporal punishment,
+and principles--and the Principal--forbade noisy upbraidings. And so
+with long, strange words, to supply the element of dread uncertainty,
+she began to speak, slowly and coldly as one ever should when addressing
+ears accustomed to much sputtering profanity.
+
+"Sadie and Isidore, did you dare to interfere with the life, the liberty
+and the happiness of our cherished young friend, Eva Gonorowsky? Did
+you _dare_?"
+
+"No ma'an," said Sadie with a sob.
+
+"It's a lie!" said Isidore with a snuffle.
+
+"Did you, Isidore, allow yourself to be tempted by beauty to such
+inconceivable depravity as to blacken Eva's eye?"
+
+"No ma'an. Self done it."
+
+"Did you, Sadie, descend so low as to barter kisses with Isidore
+Belchatosky?"
+
+"No ma'an," this with much scorn. "I wouldn't to kiss him; he's a
+scare-cat, und he tells out."
+
+"What did he tell?" asked Teacher.
+
+"He tells out how I say I kiss him a kiss so he make Eva a shiner. Und
+I wouldn't to do it. Never. So he gave me five cents even, I wouldn't
+to kiss no scare-cat."
+
+"Well, then, why did you promise?"
+
+"'Cause I couldn't to hit her mineself," said the doughty Sadie. She
+was inches taller than her victim, and stout withal. "I couldn't,
+'cause I ain't so healthy; I'm a nervous child, Teacher, und I was
+day-before-yesterday sick on the bed."
+
+Here the plaintive plaintiff showed a desire to testify once more, and
+Teacher appointed three-thirty that afternoon as the hour most suitable
+for a thorough examination of the case.
+
+When the last arm had been twisted into the last sleeve, when the last
+chin had been tied into the last shawl, when the last dispute as to
+ownership in disreputable mittens had been settled, the great case of
+Gonorowsky _vs._ Gonorowsky was called. On either side of the desk stood
+a diminutive Gonorowsky; Eva still plaintive, and Sadie, redly, on the
+defensive. Directly in front stood that labourer defrauded of his hire,
+that tool in the hands of guileful woman--Isidore Belchatosky.
+
+"Now," Teacher began, "I want to hear nothing but the truth. Isidore,
+did you hit Eva?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an."
+
+"What for?"
+
+"For a kiss."
+
+"From whom?"
+
+Here Sadie muttered a threat "to lay him down dead if he tells," and
+Isidore required promise of safe conduct to his own block before he
+consented to murmur:
+
+"Sadie Gonorowsky."
+
+"Did you get the kiss?"
+
+"No ma'an."
+
+"Do you know anything about this fight?"
+
+"No ma'an."
+
+"Well, then, you may go home now, and bring your mother with you
+to-morrow morning."
+
+Isidore left with a heavy heart and the enquiry was continued.
+
+"What has Sadie been doing to you, Eva?" asked Teacher, and Eva, with
+resigned mien, answered:
+
+"All things," and then details followed. "She makes on me a snoot, she
+pulls me on the bottom of my hair, she goes und takes her pencil und
+gives me a stick in my face. When I was marchin' she extra takes her
+shoes und steps at my legs; I got two swollen legs over her. Und
+now"--here a sob--"you could to look on how she makes me biles und
+shiners."
+
+As Eva's voice droned out these many accusations, Sadie grew more
+emphatic in her favourite repartee:
+
+"It's a lie! It's a lie! It's a lie!"
+
+"And now, Eva, will you tell me _why_ Sadie has been doing all these
+naughty things?"
+
+"Teacher, I don't know."
+
+"Oh, yes; you do!"
+
+"No ma'an; I don't. I could swear if I do. I kiss up to God." She
+wafted a kiss towards the ceiling. "I got all times a kind feelin'
+over Sadie, on'y she wouldn't to be glad on me. I seen yesterday her
+little brother in the street mit Sadie und she make he shouldn't to
+talk to me. My heart it breaks when she make like that; I'm got no
+brother und no sister und I'm lovin' _so_ much mit my little cousin. She
+goes und makes he should say nothin' und in _mine_ eyes stands tears. I
+was sad."
+
+[Illustration: ISIDORE BELCHATOSKY, THE ADONIS OF THE CLASS]
+
+[Illustration: "I GOT TWO SWOLLEN LEGS OVER HER"]
+
+"Well, dear, that's a shame," said Teacher, "and if you really don't
+understand, go out into the assembly room and wait for me. Sadie is
+going to tell me all about it."
+
+Eva vanished, only to return with the lurid bandage in her hand and
+the query:--"Can I make this wet?"
+
+Upon receiving permission so to do she retired with her courteous
+"Good-afternoon, Teacher," and her unchanged "Good-by, Sadie; I'm got
+yet that kind feelin'." Truly the "pangs of disprized love" seemed
+hers.
+
+Several kinds of persuasion were practised in Room 18 during the next
+five minutes. Then Sadie accepted defeat, faced the inevitable, and
+began:
+
+"It's like this: I dassent to be glad on Eva. So I want even, I dassent.
+My mamma has the same mad, und my papa. My mamma she says like this:
+So my papa gets sooner glad on my uncle she wouldn't to be wifes mit
+him no more! _Such_ is the mad she has!"
+
+"Why?"
+
+"Well. Mine uncle he come out of Russia. From long he come when I was
+a little bit of baby. Und he didn't to have no money for buy a house.
+So my papa--he's awful kind--he gives him thousen dollers so he could
+to buy. Und say, Teacher, what you think? he don't pays it back. It
+_ain't_ polite you takes thousen dollers und don't pays it back."
+
+Sadie's air, as she submitted this rule of social etiquette to Teacher's
+wider knowledge, was a wondrous thing to see--so deferential was it
+and yet so assured.
+
+"So my papa he writes a letter on my uncle how he could to pay that
+thousen dollers. _Goes_ months. _Comes_ no thousen dollers. So my papa
+he goes on the lawyer und the lawyer he writes on my uncle a letter how
+he should to pay. _Goes_ months. _Comes_ no thousen dollers." At each
+repetition of these fateful words Sadie shook her serious head, pursed
+up her rosy mouth, folded her hands resignedly, and sighed deeply.
+Clearly this was a tale more than twice told, for the voice and manner
+of Sadie were as the voice and manner of Mrs. Lazarus Gonorowsky, and
+the recital was plagiarism--masterly and complete.
+
+"And then?" prompted Teacher, lest the conversation languish.
+
+"Well, my papa writes some more a letter on mine uncle. Oh-o-oh, a
+awful bossy-und-mad letter. All the mad words what my papa knows he
+writes on mine uncle. Und my mamma she sets by my papa's side und all
+the mad words what my mamma knows she tells on my papa und he writes
+them, too, on mine uncle. Mine uncle (that's Eva's papa) could to have
+a fierce mad sooner he seen that bossy letter. But _goes_ two days.
+_Comes_ no thousen dollers."
+
+Here ensued a long and dramatic pause.
+
+"Well, comes no thousen dollers. Comes nothings. On'y by night my mamma
+she puts me on my bed; when comes my uncle! He comes und makes a
+knopping on our door. I couldn't to tell even how he makes knopping.
+I had such a scare I was green on the face, und my heart was going so
+you could to hear. I'm a nervous child, Missis Bailey, und my face is
+all times green sooner I gets a scare."
+
+This last observation was a triumph of mimicry, and recalled Mrs.
+Gonorowsky so vividly as to make her atmosphere of garlic and old
+furniture quite perceptible. "So my mamma hears how my uncle knopps
+und says 'Lemme in--lemme in.' She says ('scuse me, Teacher)--she says
+'he must be' ('scuse me) 'drunk.' That's how my mamma says.
+
+"So goes my papa by the door und says 'Who stands?' Und my uncle he
+says 'Lemme in.' So-o-oh my papa he opens the door. Stands my unclemit
+cheeky looks und he showed a fist on my papa. My papa has a fierce
+mad sooner he seen that fist--fists is awful cheeky when somebody
+ain't paid. So my papa he says ('scuse me)--it's fierce how he says,
+on'y he had a mad over that fist. He says ('scuse me), 'Go to hell!'
+und my uncle, what ain't paid that thousen dollers, he says just like
+that to my papa. He says too ('scuse me, Teacher), 'Go to hell!' So-o-oh
+then my papa hits my uncle (that's Eva's papa), und how my papa is
+strong I couldn't to tell even. He pulls every morning by the
+extrasizer, und he's got such a muscles! So he hits my uncle (that's
+Eva's papa), und my uncle he fall und he fall und he fall--we live by
+the third floor, und he fall off of the third floor by the street--und
+even in falling he says like that  ('scuse me, Teacher), 'Go to hell!
+go to hell! go to hell!' Ain't it somethin' fierce how he says? On all
+the steps he says, 'Go to hell! go to hell! go to hell!'"
+
+Miss Bailey had listened to authoritative lectures upon "The Place and
+Influence of the Teacher in Community Life," and was debating as to
+whether she had better inflict her visit of remonstrance upon Mr.
+Lazarus Gonorowsky, of the powerful and cultivated muscle, or upon Mr.
+Nathan Gonorowsky, of the deplorable manners, when this opportunity
+to bring the higher standards of living into the home was taken from
+her. The house of Gonorowsky, in jagged fragments, was tested as by
+fire and came forth united.
+
+Eva was absent one morning, and Sadie presented the explanation in a
+rather dirty envelope:
+
+Dear Miss:
+
+Excuse pliss that Eva Gonarofsky comes not on the school. We was moving
+und she couldn't to find her clothes. Yurs Resptphs,
+Her elders,
+Nathan Gonorowsky,
+Becky Ganurwoski.
+
+"Is Eva going far away?" asked Teacher. "Will she come to this school
+any more?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an, sure she comes; she lives now by my house. My
+uncle he lives by my house, too. Und my aunt."
+
+"And you're not angry with your cousin anymore?"
+
+"Teacher, no ma'an; I'm loving mit her. She's got on now all mine best
+clothes the while her mamma buys her new. My aunt buys new clothes,
+too. Und my uncle."
+
+Sadie reported this shopping epidemic so cheerily that Teacher asked
+with mild surprise:
+
+"Where are all their old things?"
+
+"Teacher, they're burned. Und my uncle's store und his _all_ of
+goods, und his house und his three sewing machines. All, all burned!"
+
+"Oh, dear me!" said Teacher. "Your poor uncle! Now he can never pay
+that thousand dollars."
+
+Sadie regarded Teacher with puzzled eyes.
+
+"Sure he pays. He's now 'most as rich like Van'pilt. I guess he's got
+a hundred dollers. He pays all right, all right, und my papa had a
+party over him: he had such a awful glad!"
+
+"Glad on your uncle?" cried Teacher, startled into colloquialisms.
+
+"Yiss ma'an. Und my mamma has a glad on Eva's mamma, und my gran'ma
+has a glad on both of papas und both of mammas, und my gran'pa has a
+glad just like my gran'ma. All, all glad!"
+
+As Teacher walked towards Grand Street that afternoon, she met a radiant
+little girl with a small and most unsteady boy in tow. She recognized
+Eva and surmised the cousin whose coldness had hurt her even unto
+tears.
+
+"Well, Eva, and what little boy is this?" she asked.
+
+And the beaming and transformed Eva answered:
+
+"It's my little cousin. He's lovin' mit me now. Sadie, too, is lovin'.
+I take him out the while it's healthy he walks, on'y he ain't so big
+und he falls. Say, Teacher, it's nice when he falls. I holds him in
+my hands."
+
+And fall he did. Eva picked him up, greatly to their mutual delight,
+and explained:
+
+"He's heavy, und my this here arm ain't yet so healthy, but I hold him
+in my hands the while he's cousins mit me, und over cousins I'm got
+all times that kind feelin'."
+
+
+
+
+THE USES OF ADVERSITY
+
+
+
+"I guess I don't need I should go on the school," announced Algernon
+Yonowsky.
+
+"I guess you do," said his sister.
+
+"I guess I don't need I should go on the school, neither," remarked
+Percival.
+
+"You got to go," Leah informed her mutinous brothers. "I got a permit
+for you from off the Principal; he's friends mit me the while I goes
+on that school when I was little. You got to go on the school, und you
+got to stay on the school. It's awful nice how you learn things there."
+
+But the prospect did not appeal to the Yonowsky twins. It seemed to
+forbode restraint and, during their six tempestuous years, they had
+followed their own stubborn ways and had accepted neither advice nor
+rebuke from any man. The evening of the day which had seen their
+birth had left Leah motherless, and her father broken of heart and of
+ambition. Since then Mr. Yonowsky had grown daily more silent and
+morose, and Leah had been less and less able to cope with "them devil
+boys."
+
+A room high up in a swarming tenement had been the grave of her youth
+and pleasure. She was as solitary there as she could have been in a
+desert, for the neighbours who had known and assisted her in the first
+years of her bereavement had died or moved to that Mecca of the New
+World, Harlem. And their successors were not kindly disposed towards
+a family comprising a silent man, a half-grown girl, and two twin
+demons who made the block a terror to the nervous and the stairs a
+menace to the unwary. No one came to gossip with Leah. She was too
+young to listen understandingly to older women's adventures in sickness
+or domestic infelicity, and too dispirited to make any show of interest
+in the toilettes or "affaires" of the younger. For what were incompetent
+doctors, habit-backed dresses, wavering husbands, or impetuous lovers
+to Leah Yonowsky, who had assumed all the responsibilities of a woman's
+life with none of its consolations?
+
+Of course she had, to some extent, failed in the upbringing of her
+brothers, but she had always looked forward hopefully to the time when
+they should be old enough to be sent to school. There they should
+learn, among much other lore, to live up to the names she had selected
+for them out of the book of love and of adventure which she had been
+reading at the time of their baptism. During all the years of her
+enslavement she had been a patron of the nearest public library, and
+it had been a source of great disappointment to her that Algernon and
+Percival had made no least attempt to acquire the grace of speech and
+manner which she had learned to associate with those lordly titles.
+
+And now they were refusing even to approach the Pierian Spring! "I
+guess I don't go," Algernon was persisting. "I guess I plays on the
+street."
+
+"Me, too," added Percival. "Patrick Brennan he goes on that school und
+he gives me over yesterday, a bloody nose. I don' need I should go on
+no school mit somebody what makes like that mit me."
+
+But with the assistance of the neighbours, the policeman on the beat
+and the truant officer, they were finally dragged to the halls of
+learning and delivered into the hands of Miss Bailey, who installed
+them in widely separated seats and seemed blandly unimpressed by their
+evident determination to make things unpleasant in Room 18. She met
+Leah's anticipatory apologies with:
+
+"Of course they'll be good. I shall see that they behave. Yes, I shall
+see, too, that Patrick Brennan does not fight with Percival. You musn't
+worry about them any more, but I fear they have made worrying a habit
+with you. If you will send them to school at a quarter to nine every
+morning, and at ten minutes to one in the afternoon, I shall do the
+rest."
+
+And Leah went out into the sunshine free, for the first time in six
+years. Free to wander through the streets, to do a little desultory
+shopping, to go down to the river and to watch the workmen driving
+rivets in the great new bridge. Never had she spent so pleasant a
+morning, and her heart was full of gratitude and peace when she
+reflected that hours such as these would henceforth be the order of
+the day.
+
+The advantages of a free education did not appeal to "them Yonowsky
+devils." Leah was forced to drag her reluctant charges twice a day to
+the school-house door--sometimes even up the stairs to Room 18--and
+the reports with which Miss Bailey met her were not enthusiastic.
+Still, Teacher admitted, too much was not to be expected from little
+boys coming in contact, for the first time, with authority.
+
+"Only send them regularly," she pleaded, "and perhaps they will learn
+to be happy here." And Leah, in spite of countless obstacles and
+difficulties, sent them.
+
+They were unusually mutinous one morning, and their dressing had been
+one long torment to Leah. They persisted in untying strings and
+unbuttoning buttons. They shrieked, they lay upon the floor and kicked,
+they spilled coffee upon their "jumpers," and systematically and
+deliberately reduced their sister to the verge of distraction and of
+tears. They were already late when she dragged them to the corner of
+the school, and there they made their last stand by sitting stolidly
+down upon the pavement.
+
+Leah could not cope with their two rigid little bodies, and, through
+welling tears of weariness and exasperation, she looked blankly up and
+down the dingy street for succour. If only her ally, Mr. Brennan, the
+policeman on the beat, would come! But Mr. Brennan was guarding a Grand
+Street crossing until such time as the last straggling child should
+have safely passed the dangers of the horse-cars, and nothing came in
+answer to Leah's prayer but a push-cart laden with figs and dates and
+propelled by a tall man, long-coated and fur-capped. His first glance
+read the tableau, and in an instant he grasped Percival, shook him
+into animation, threw him through the big door, and turned to reason
+with Algernon. But that rebel had already seen the error of his ways
+and was meekly ascending the steps and waving a resigned adieu to his
+sister. The heavy door clanged. Leah raised grateful eyes to her knight,
+and the thing was done. For the rest of that day Aaron Kastrinsky sold
+dates and figs at a reckless discount and dreamed of the fair oval of
+a girl's face framed in a shawl no more scarlet than her lips, while
+Leah's heart sang of a youth in a fur cap and a long coat who had been
+able to "boss them awful boys."
+
+Daily thereafter did Aaron Kastrinsky establish his gay green push-cart
+outside the school door set apart for the very little boys and drive
+a half hour's bustling trade ere the children were all housed. And
+daily two naughty small boys were convoyed to the door by a red-shawled,
+dark-eyed sister. Very slowly greetings grew from shy glance to shy
+smile, from swift drooping of the lashes to swift rise of colour, from
+gentle sweep of eyes to sustained regard, from formal good-morning to
+protracted chats. But before this happy stage was reached the twins
+decided that they no longer required safe conduct to the fountain of
+knowledge, and that Leah's attendance covered them with ridicule in
+the eyes of more independent spirits. But she refused to relax her
+vigilance, nay, rather she increased it; for she began to force her
+mutinous brothers to the synagogue on Sabbath mornings. The twins soon
+came to associate the vision of Aaron Kastrinsky with the idea of
+restraint and of stern virtue, for on the way to the synagogue he
+walked by Leah's side--looking strangely incomplete without his green
+push-cart--and drove them by the sheer force of his will to walk
+decorously in front. Decorously, too, he marched them back again, and
+stood idly talking to Leah at the steps of her tenement while the twins
+escaped to their enjoyments.
+
+When waiting milk-cans were thrown into cellars, when the wheels of
+momentarily deserted wagons were loosened, when pushcarts disappeared,
+when children bent on shopping were waylaid and robbed, when cats were
+tortured, horses' manes clipped, windows broken, shop-keepers enraged,
+babies frightened, and pit-falls set upon the stairs, the cry was
+always, "Them Yonowsky devils." Leah could do nothing with them. Mr.
+Yonowsky made no effort to control them, and Aaron Kastrinsky was not
+always there. Not half, not a quarter as often as he wished, for Leah
+promptly turned away from all his attempts to make her understand how
+greatly she would gain in peace and comfort if she would but marry
+him. They would move to a larger flat and he would manage the boys.
+But Leah's view of life and marriage was tinged with no glory of
+romance. She had no illusions, no ignorances, and she was afraid, she
+told her suitor, afraid.
+
+"But of what?" asked the puzzled Aaron. "Thou canst not be afraid of
+me. Thou knowest how dear thou art to me. What canst thou fear?"
+
+"I'm afraid of being married," was her ultimatum. She confessed that
+she loved no one else--she had never, poor child, known anyone else
+to love; she admitted the allurements of the larger flat and the strong
+hand always ready for the twins, was delighted to go with him to
+lectures at the Educational Alliance when her father could be aroused
+to responsible charge of the twins, rejoiced when he prospered in the
+world and exchanged the push-cart for a permanent fruit-stand--she
+even assisted at its decoration--but to marry him she was afraid.
+Yes, she liked him; yes, she would walk with him--and the twins--along
+Grand Street in the early evening. Yes, she would wear her red dress
+since he admired it; but to marry him--ah, no! Please, no! she was
+afraid of being married.
+
+Aaron was by birth and in his own country one of the learned class,
+and he promptly set about supplementing Leah's neglected education.
+She had lived so solitary a life that her Russian remained pure and
+soft and was quite distinct from the mixture of Yiddish, German, English,
+and slang which her neighbours spoke. English, which she read
+easily, she spoke rarely and haltingly, and Jewish in a prettily
+pedantic manner, learned from her mother, whose father had been a
+Rabbi. Aaron lent her books in these three languages, which straightway
+carried her into strange and glorious worlds. Occasionally the twins
+stole and sold the books, but their enlightenment remained. To
+supplement the reading he took her to lectures and to night schools,
+and thus one evening they listened to an illustrated "talk" on
+"Contagion and Its Causes." There had been an epidemic of smallpox in
+the quarter and Panic was abroad. Parents who spoke no English fought
+wildly with ambulance surgeons who spoke no Jewish, and refused to
+entrust the sufferers to the care of the Board of Health. Many
+disturbances resulted and the authorities arranged that, in all the
+missions, night schools, and settlements of the East Side, reassuring
+lecturers should spread abroad the folly of resistance, the joys of
+hospital life, the surety of recovery in the arms of the board, with
+a few remarks upon the sources of contagion.
+
+Leah and Aaron listened to one of the most calming of these orators.
+The lecturer spoke with such feeling--and such stereopticon slides--that
+smallpox, scarlet fever, measles, and diphtheria seemed the "open
+sesame" to bliss unutterable, and the source of these talismans rather
+to be sought for diligently than shunned. "Didst hear?" Leah asked
+Aaron as they went home. "For a redness on the skin one may stay in
+bed for a week and rest."
+
+"Ay, but one is sick," said Aaron sagely.
+
+"Not if one goes where the gentleman said. One lies in bed for a
+week--three weeks--and there be ladies who wait on one, and one
+rests--all days one rests. And there be no twins. Think of it, Aaron!
+rest and no twins!"
+
+A few days later she climbed home after a morning's shopping to find
+Algernon, heavy of eye and red of face, crouched near the locked door
+with a whimper in his voice and a card in his hand.
+
+"I'm got somethin'," he announced, with the pride of the invalid.
+
+"Where didst get it?" asked Leah, automatically; she was accustomed
+to brazen admission of guilt.
+
+"Off of a boy at school."
+
+"Thou wilt steal once too often," his sister admonished him. "Go now,
+confess to Miss Bailey, and return what thou hast taken."
+
+"The boy has it too," retorted Algernon. "It's a sickness--a taking
+sickness; und comes a man und gives me a card und says I should come
+by my house; I'm sick."
+
+Leah gazed on the card in despairing envy. She had hopefully searched
+her person for rash or redness, thinking thereby to achieve a ticket
+to that promised land where beautiful ladies--as the stereopticon had
+shown--sat graciously waving fans beside a smooth, white bed whereon
+one lay and rested: only rested: quiet day after quiet day. There had
+been no twins in her imaginings, yet here was Algernon already set
+upon the way; Algernon, who would be naughty in that blissful place,
+and who might even "talk sassy" to the beautiful ladies. Slow tears
+of disappointment grew under Leah's heavy lids and splashed upon the
+coveted ticket. And the doctor from the Board of Health, come to verify
+the more superficial examination of his colleague, misguidedly launched
+forth upon a resume of the reassuring lectures.
+
+"You mustn't cry," he remonstrated. "It's only measles and he won't
+be very sick. Why, you might keep him here, and I could send you a
+nurse to show you how to take care of him if it weren't for that butcher
+shop on the ground floor. But he'll be all right. Don't cry."
+
+In a short space the house of Yonowsky was bereft of its more noisy
+son, and peace reigned. Percival went lonely and early to bed. Leah
+sat late on the steps with Aaron, and, on the next morning, Percival
+duplicated the redness, the diagnosis, and the departure of his brother,
+and Leah came into her own.
+
+Then were the days wondrous long. There was time for all the pleasures
+from which she had been so long debarred. Time to read, time to sew,
+time to pay and to receive shy, short morning calls, time to scrub and
+polish until her room shone, time for experiments in cookery, time to
+stretch her father's wages to undreamed-of lengths, even time so to
+cheer and wheedle Mr. Yonowsky that she dared to ask his permission
+to bring Aaron up to her spotless domain. And Aaron, with a thumping
+of the hearts not due entirely to the height and steepness of the
+stairs, came formally to call upon his young divinity. The visit was
+a great success. Mr. Yonowsky blossomed under the sun of Aaron's
+deference and learning into an expansiveness which amazed his daughter,
+and the men discussed the law, the scriptures, the election, the Czar,
+nihilism, socialism, the tariff, and the theatre. But here Mr. Yonowsky
+lapsed into gloom. He had not visited a theatre for seven years--not
+since his wife's death.
+
+"And Miss Leah?" Aaron questioned.
+
+"Never, oh, never!" she breathed resignedly, yet so longingly that
+Aaron then and there arranged that he and she and Mr. Yonowsky should
+visit the Thalia Theatre on the following night. And Leah, with the
+glad and new assurance that the boys were safe, fell into happy
+devisings of a suitable array. When young Kastrinsky left after formal
+and prescribed adieus to his hostess, he dragged his host out to listen
+to a campaign speech.
+
+During the weeks that followed, even Mr. Yonowsky came to see the sweet
+uses of the Board of Health and to ponder long and deeply upon the
+nature of the "taking sickness." No longer forced to do perpetual,
+though ineffective, sentinel duty, he gradually resumed his place in
+the world of men and spent placid evenings at the synagogue, the
+Educational Alliance, the theatre, and the East Side Democratic Union.
+Leah bore him company at the theatre when she might, and Aaron followed
+Leah until parental pride swelled high under Mr. Yonowsky's green
+Prince Albert coat. For well he saw the looks of admiration which were
+turned upon his daughter as she sat by his side and consumed cold pink
+lemonade.
+
+He received two of the roundabout proposals which etiquette demands,
+and began to gather a dowry for Leah and to recall extraordinary
+outstanding securities to that end. But, before these things were
+accomplished, his sons and his troubles returned upon him. With renewed
+energy, stimulated imagination, and enriched profanity, "them Yonowsky
+devils" came home, and their reign of mischief set in afresh.
+
+They had always been unruly; they were utterly unmanageable now. Daily
+was Leah summoned to the big red school-house by the long-suffering
+Miss Bailey, and nightly was Mr. Yonowsky forced to cancel engagements
+at club or synagogue and to stay at home to "explanation them boys"
+to outraged neighbours.
+
+Aaron could still control them, but he was never brought upstairs now.
+How could Leah expect him to enjoy conversations carried on amid the
+yells of Algernon and Percival in freedom, or their shrieks in durance?
+
+The twins came home one noontime full of gossip and excitement. They
+clamoured over their cabbage soup that a classmate of theirs, one
+Isidore Belchatosky, had "a sickness--a taking sickness, what he took
+from off his sister Sadie."
+
+"Is it a bad sickness?" asked the father.
+
+"Somethin' fierce!" Percival assured him. "Pimples stands on his face,
+und he _says_ he's got 'em everywheres, but I guess maybe he lies.
+He says it's a chicken sickness what he has. Mit pimples everywheres!"
+
+"You don't know no names from sicknesses," Algernon broke in
+contemptuously. "It ain't the chicken sickness. It's the chicken puffs."
+
+"Where is his house?" asked Leah eagerly. And she joyously despatched
+the twins with kind inquiries and proffers to sit with the sufferer;
+for had not the prophesying gentleman explained that there was no surer
+way of attaining to hospital tickets than by speech and contact with
+one who had already "arrived"? And Algernon and Percival, spurred on
+by the allurement of the "pimples everywheres," pressed past all
+barriers and outposts until they feasted their eyes upon the neatly
+spotted Izzie, who proudly proved his boast of the "everywheres" and
+the exceeding puffiness of the chicken puffs.
+
+Two weeks later the little emissaries of love were in sorry case. The
+"pimples everywheres" appeared, the ambulance reappeared, the twins
+disappeared. The cleaning and polishing were resumed, Aaron invited
+to supper, Mr. Yonowsky pledged to deliver a lecture on "The Southern
+Negro and the Ballot," and a stew of the strongest elements set to
+simmer on the stove.
+
+Leah had learned the path to freedom and trod it with a light heart.
+Algernon and Percival enjoyed a long succession of diseases, contagious
+and infectious, and each attack meant a holiday of varying but always
+of considerable length. Under ordinary conditions Leah might have been
+forced to nurse her brothers through their less serious disorders, but
+there was a butcher shop on the ground floor of the Yonowsky tenement,
+and the by-laws of the Board of Health decreed that, such being the
+case, the children should be removed for nearly all the ills to which
+young and ill-nourished flesh is heir.
+
+"Them Yonowsky devils" became only visitors to their native block, but
+since they returned after each retirement more unruly and outrageous,
+they were not deeply mourned. Only the butcher objected, because his
+store was occasionally quarantined when Leah had achieved some very
+virulent excuse for summoning the ambulance and shipping her
+responsibilities. Mr. Yonowsky was puzzled but grateful, and Aaron was
+grateful too.
+
+Month after month went by and the twins had exhausted the lists of the
+lecturer and had enjoyed several other ailments, when Leah and her
+father went to bring them home from their typhoid-fever holiday.
+
+"You've been having a hard time with these boys," the man at the desk
+said kindly. "The worst luck I ever knew in the many years I've been
+here. But they're all right now. They've had everything on the list
+except water on the brain and elephantiasis, and they can't get them."
+
+"But some what they had they could some more get," Leah suggested in
+the English she so rarely used.
+
+"I think not," the official answered cheeringly. "They hardly ever do.
+No, I guess you'll be able to keep them at home now. Good luck to you!"
+
+But it was bad luck, the worst of luck. Mr. Yonowsky's public spirit
+died within his breast; Leah's coquetry vanished before a future
+unrelieved by visits from the black and friendly ambulance, and when
+Aaron climbed the well-known stairs that evening he heard, while he
+was yet two floors short of his destination, the shrieks of the twins,
+the smashing of crockery, and the grumbling of the neighbours. Suddenly
+a little figure darted upon him and Leah was in his arms.
+
+"Aaron," she sobbed. "Oh, Aaron, mine heart it breaks. There ain't no
+more taking sicknesses in all the world. So says the gentleman."
+
+"My golden one," said Aaron, who was a bit of a philosopher; "all good
+things come to an end except only Love. And the twins have had taking
+sicknesses in great and unheard-of numbers."
+
+"But now they are more than ever bad. I can do nothing with them and
+I am afraid of them. In hospitals, where one is very happy, one grows
+very big, and the twins are no longer little boys."
+
+"If you marry me--" Aaron began.
+
+"You will love me always?"
+
+"Yea, mine gold."
+
+"And for me you will boss them twins?"
+
+"Yea, verily, for thee I will boss the twins."
+
+And the betrothal of Leah Yonowsky to Aaron Kastrinsky was signed and
+sealed immediately.
+
+
+
+
+A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR A LADY
+
+
+It was the week before Christmas, and the First-Reader Class had,
+almost to a man, decided on the gifts to be lavished on "Teacher." She
+was quite unprepared for any such observance on the part of her small
+adherents, for her first study of the roll-book had shown her that its
+numerous Jacobs, Isidores, and Rachels belonged to a class to which
+Christmas Day was much as other days. And so she went serenely on her
+way, all unconscious of the swift and strict relation between her
+manner and her chances. She was, for instance, the only person in the
+room who did not know that her criticism of Isidore Belchatosky's hands
+and face cost her a tall "three for ten cents" candlestick and a plump
+box of candy.
+
+But Morris Mogilewsky, whose love for Teacher was far greater than the
+combined loves of all the other children, had as yet no present to
+bestow. That his "kind feeling" should be without proof when the lesser
+loves of Isidore Wishnewsky, Sadie Gonorowsky, and Bertha Binderwitz
+were taking the tangible but surprising forms which were daily exhibited
+to his confidential gaze, was more than he could bear. The knowledge
+saddened all his hours and was the more maddening because it could in
+no wise be shared by Teacher, who noticed his altered bearing and tried
+with all sorts of artful beguilements to make him happy and at ease.
+But her efforts served only to increase his unhappiness and his love.
+And he loved her! Oh, how he loved her! Since first his dreading eyes
+had clung for a breath's space to her "like man's shoes" and had then
+crept timidly upward past a black skirt, a "from silk" apron, a
+red "jumper," and "from gold" chain to her "light face," she had been
+mistress of his heart of hearts. That was more than three months ago.
+And well he remembered the day!
+
+His mother had washed him horribly, and had taken him into the big,
+red school-house, so familiar from the outside, but so full of unknown
+terrors within. After his dusty little shoes had stumbled over the
+threshold he had passed from ordeal to ordeal until at last he was
+torn in mute and white-faced despair from his mother's skirts.
+
+He was then dragged through long halls and up tall stairs by a large
+boy, who spoke to him disdainfully as "greenie," and cautioned him as
+to the laying down softly and taking up gently of those poor dusty
+shoes, so that his spirit was quite broken and his nerves were all
+unstrung when he was pushed into a room full of bright sunshine and
+of children who laughed at his frightened little face. The sunshine
+smote his timid eyes, the laughter smote his timid heart, and he turned
+to flee. But the door was shut, the large boy gone, and despair took
+him for its own.
+
+[Illustration: "MY POOR LITTLE CHAP, YOU MUSTN'T CRY LIKE, THAT"]
+
+[Illustration: DISMISSED WITH THE COMMON HERD AT THREE O'CLOCK]
+
+Down upon the floor he dropped, and wailed, and wept, and kicked. It
+was then that he heard, for the first time the voice which now he
+loved. A hand was forced between his aching body and the floor, and
+the voice said: "Why, my dear little chap, you mustn't cry like that.
+What's the matter?"
+
+The hand was gentle and the question kind, and these, combined with
+a faint perfume suggestive of drug stores and barber shops--but nicer
+than either--made him uncover his hot little face. Kneeling beside him
+was a lady, and he forced his eyes to that perilous ascent; from shoes
+to skirt, from skirt to jumper, from jumper to face, they trailed in
+dread uncertainty, but at the face they stopped. They had found--rest.
+
+Morris allowed himself to be gathered into the lady's arms and held
+upon her knee, and when his sobs no longer rent the very foundations
+of his pink and wide-spread tie, he answered her question in a voice
+as soft as his eyes, and as gently sad.
+
+"I ain't so big, und I don't know where is my mamma."
+
+So, having cast his troubles on the shoulders of the lady, he had added
+his throbbing head to the burden, and from that safe retreat had enjoyed
+his first day at school immensely.
+
+Thereafter he had been the first to arrive every morning, and the last
+to leave every afternoon; and under the care of Teacher, his liege
+lady, he had grown in wisdom and love and happiness. But the greatest
+of these was love. And now, when the other boys and girls were planning
+surprises and gifts of price for Teacher, his hands were as empty as
+his heart was full. Appeal to his mother met with denial prompt and
+energetic.
+
+"For what you go und make, over Christmas, presents? You ain't no
+Krisht; you should better have no kind feelings over Krishts, neither;
+your papa could to have a mad."
+
+"Teacher ain't no Krisht," said Morris stoutly; "all the other fellows
+buys her presents, und I'm loving mit her too; it's polite I gives her
+presents the while I'm got such a kind feeling over her."
+
+"Well, we ain't got no money for buy nothings," said Mrs. Mogilewsky
+sadly. "No money, und your papa, he has all times a scare he shouldn't
+to get no more, the while the boss"--and here followed incomprehensible,
+but depressing, financial details, until the end of the interview found
+Morris and his mother sobbing and rocking in one another's arms. So
+Morris was helpless, his mother poor, and Teacher all unknowing.
+
+And the great day, the Friday before Christmas came, and the school
+was, for the first half hour, quite mad. Doors opened suddenly and
+softly to admit small persons, clad in wondrous ways and bearing
+wondrous parcels. Room 18, generally so placid and so peaceful, was
+a howling wilderness full of brightly coloured, quickly changing groups
+of children, all whispering, all gurgling, and all hiding queer bundles.
+A newcomer invariably caused a diversion; the assembled multitude,
+athirst for novelty, fell upon him and clamoured for a glimpse of his
+bundle and a statement of its price.
+
+Teacher watched in dumb amaze. What could be the matter with the
+children, she wondered. They could not have guessed the shrouded
+something in the corner to be a Christmas-tree. What made them behave
+so queerly, and why did they look so strange? They seemed to have grown
+stout in a single night, and Teacher, as she noted this, marvelled
+greatly. The explanation was simple, though it came in alarming form.
+The sounds of revelry were pierced by a long, shrill yell, and a pair
+of agitated legs sprang suddenly into view between two desks. Teacher,
+rushing to the rescue, noted that the legs formed the unsteady stem
+of an upturned mushroom of brown flannel and green braid, which she
+recognized as the outward seeming of her cherished Bertha Binderwitz;
+and yet, when the desks were forced to disgorge their prey, the legs
+restored to their normal position were found to support a fat child--and
+Bertha was best described as "skinny"--in a dress of the Stuart tartan
+tastefully trimmed with purple. Investigation proved that Bertha's
+accumulative taste in dress was an established custom. In nearly all
+cases the glory of holiday attire was hung upon the solid foundation
+of every-day clothes as bunting is hung upon a building. The habit was
+economical of time, and produced a charming embonpoint.
+
+Teacher, too, was more beautiful than ever. Her dress was blue, and
+"very long down, like a lady," with bands of silk and scraps of lace
+distributed with the eye of art. In her hair she wore a bow of what
+Sadie Gonorowsky, whose father "worked by fancy goods," described as
+black "from plush ribbon--costs ten cents."
+
+Isidore Belchatosky, relenting, was the first to lay tribute before
+Teacher. He came forward with a sweet smile and a tall candlestick--the
+candy had gone to its long home--and Teacher, for a moment, could not
+be made to understand that all that length of bluish-white china was
+really hers "for keeps."
+
+"It's to-morrow holiday," Isidore assured her; "and we gives you
+presents, the while we have a kind feeling. Candlesticks could to cost
+twenty-five cents."
+
+"It's a lie. Three for ten," said a voice in the background, but Teacher
+hastened to respond to Isidore's test of her credulity:
+
+"Indeed, they could. This candlestick could have cost fifty cents, and
+it's just what I want. It is very good of you to bring me a present."
+
+"You're welcome," said Isidore, retiring; and then, the ice being
+broken, the First-Reader Class in a body rose to cast its gifts on
+Teacher's desk, and its arms around Teacher's neck.
+
+Nathan Horowitz presented a small cup and saucer; Isidore Applebaum
+bestowed a large calendar for the year before last; Sadie Gonorowsky
+brought a basket containing a bottle of perfume, a thimble, and a
+bright silk handkerchief; Sarah Schrodsky offered a pen-wiper and a
+yellow celluloid collar-button, and Eva Kidansky gave an elaborate
+nasal douche, under the pleasing delusion that it was an atomizer.
+
+Once more sounds of grief reached Teacher's ears. Rushing again to the
+rescue, she threw open the door and came upon Woe personified. Eva
+Gonorowsky, her hair in wildest disarray, her stocking fouled,
+ungartered, and down-gyved to her ankle, appeared before her teacher.
+She bore all the marks of Hamlet's excitement, and many more, including
+a tear-stained little face and a gilt saucer clasped to a panting
+breast.
+
+"Eva, my dearest Eva, what's happened to you _now_?" asked Teacher,
+for the list of ill-chances which had befallen this one of her charges
+was very long. And Eva's wail was that a boy, a very big boy, had
+stolen her golden cup "what I had for you by present," and had left
+her only the saucer and her undying love to bestow.
+
+Before Eva's sobs had quite yielded to Teacher's arts, Jacob Spitsky
+pressed forward with a tortoise-shell comb of terrifying aspect and
+hungry teeth, and an air showing forth a determination to adjust it
+in its destined place. Teacher meekly bowed her head; Jacob forced his
+offering into her long-suffering hair, and then retired with the
+information, "Costs fifteen cents, Teacher," and the courteous
+phrase--by etiquette prescribed--"Wish you health to wear it." He was
+plainly a hero, and was heard remarking to less favoured admirers that
+"Teacher's hair is awful softy, and smells off of perfumery."
+
+Here a big boy, a very big boy, entered hastily. He did not belong to
+Room 18, but he had long known Teacher. He had brought her a present;
+he wished her a Merry Christmas. The present, when produced, proved
+to be a pretty gold cup, and Eva Gonorowsky, with renewed emotion,
+recognized the boy as her assailant and the cup as her property. Teacher
+was dreadfully embarrassed; the boy not at all so. His policy was
+simple and entire denial, and in this he persevered, even after Eva's
+saucer had unmistakably proclaimed its relationship to the cup.
+
+Meanwhile the rush of presentation went steadily on. Other cups and
+saucers came in wild profusion. The desk was covered with them, and
+their wrappings of purple tissue paper required a monitor's whole
+attention. The soap, too, became urgently perceptible. It was of all
+sizes, shapes and colours, but of uniform and dreadful power of perfumes
+Teacher's eyes filled with tears--of gratitude--as each new piece or
+box was pressed against her nose, and Teacher's mind was full of wonder
+as to what she could ever do with all of it. Bottles of perfume vied
+with one another and with the all-pervading soap until the air was
+heavy and breathing grew labourious. But pride swelled the hearts of
+the assembled multitude. No other Teacher had so many helps to the
+toilet. None other was so beloved.
+
+Teacher's aspect was quite changed, and the "blue long down like a
+lady dress" was almost hidden by the offerings she had received. Jacob's
+comb had two massive and bejewelled rivals in the "softy hair." The
+front of the dress, where aching or despondent heads were wont to rest,
+glittered with campaign buttons of American celebrities, beginning
+with James G. Blaine and extending into modern history as far as Patrick
+Divver, Admiral Dewey, and Captain Dreyfus. Outside the blue belt was
+a white one, nearly clean, and bearing in "sure 'nough golden words"
+the curt, but stirring, invitation, "Remember the Maine." Around the
+neck were three chaplets of beads, wrought by chubby fingers and
+embodying much love, while the waist-line was further adorned by tiny
+and beribboned aprons. Truly, it was a day of triumph.
+
+When the waste-paper basket had been twice filled with wrappings and
+twice emptied; when order was emerging out of chaos; when the
+Christmas-tree had been disclosed and its treasures distributed, a
+timid hand was laid on Teacher's knee and a plaintive voice whispered,
+"Say, Teacher, I got something for you;" and Teacher turned quickly
+to see Morris, her dearest boy charge, with his poor little body showing
+quite plainly between his shirt-waist buttons and through the gashes
+he called pockets. This was his ordinary costume, and the funds of the
+house of Mogilewsky were evidently unequal to an outer layer of finery.
+
+"Now, Morris dear," said Teacher, "you shouldn't have troubled to get
+me a present; you know you and I are such good friends that--"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an," Morris interrupted, in a bewitching and rising
+inflection of his soft and plaintive voice. "I know you got a kind
+feeling by me, and I couldn't to tell even how I got a kind feeling
+by you. Only it's about that kind feeling I should give you a present.
+I didn't"--with a glance at the crowded desk--"I didn't to have no
+soap nor no perfumery, and my mamma she couldn't to buy none by the
+store; but, Teacher, I'm got something awful nice for you by present."
+
+"And what is it, deary?" asked the already rich and gifted young person.
+"What is my new present?"
+
+"Teacher, it's like this: I don't know; I ain't so big like I could
+to know"--and, truly, God pity him! he was passing small--"it ain't
+for boys--it's for ladies. Over yesterday on the night comes my papa
+to my house, und he gives my mamma the present. Sooner she looks on
+it, sooner she has a awful glad; in her eyes stands tears, und she
+says, like that--out of Jewish--'Thanks,' un' she kisses my papa a
+kiss. Und my papa, _how_ he is polite! he says--out of Jewish
+too--'You're welcome, all right,' un' he kisses my mamma a kiss. So
+my mamma, she sets und looks on the present, und all the time she looks
+she has a glad over it. Und I didn't to have no soap, so you could to
+have the present."
+
+"But did your mother say I might?"
+
+"Teacher, no ma'an; she didn't say like that, und she didn't to say
+_not_ like that. She didn't to know. But it's for ladies, un' Ididn't to
+have no soap. You could to look on it. It ain't for boys."
+
+And here Morris opened a hot little hand and disclosed a tightly folded
+pinkish paper. As Teacher read it he watched her with eager, furtive
+eyes, dry and bright, until hers grew suddenly moist, when his promptly
+followed suit. As she looked down at him, he made his moan once more:
+
+"It's for ladies, und I didn't to have no soap."
+
+"But, Morris, dear," cried Teacher unsteadily, laughing a little, and
+yet not far from tears, "this is ever so much nicer than soap--a
+thousand times better than perfume; and you're quite right, it is for
+ladies, and I never had one in all my life before. I am so very
+thankful."
+
+"You're welcome, all right. That's how my papa says; it's polite," said
+Morris proudly. And proudly he took his place among the very
+little boys, and loudly he joined in the ensuing song. For the rest
+of that exciting day he was a shining point of virtue in the rest of
+that confused class. And at three o'clock he was at Teacher's desk
+again, carrying on the conversation as if there had been no
+interruption.
+
+"Und my mamma," he said insinuatingly--"she kisses my papa a kiss."
+
+"Well?" said Teacher.
+
+"Well," said Morris, "you ain't never kissed me a kiss, und I seen how
+you kissed Eva Gonorowsky. I'm loving mit you too. Why don't you never
+kiss me a kiss?"
+
+"Perhaps," suggested Teacher mischievously, "perhaps it ain't for
+boys."
+
+But a glance at her "light face," with its crown of surprising combs,
+reassured him.
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an; it's for boys," he cried as he felt her arms
+about him, and saw that in her eyes, too, "stands tears."
+
+"It's polite you kisses me a kiss over that for ladies' present."
+
+Late that night Teacher sat in her pretty room--for she was,
+unofficially, a greatly pampered young person--and reviewed her
+treasures. She saw that they were very numerous, very touching, very
+whimsical, and very precious. But above all the rest she cherished a
+frayed and pinkish paper, rather crumpled and a little soiled. For it
+held the love of a man and a woman and a little child, and the magic
+of a home, for Morris Mogilewsky's Christmas present for ladies was
+the receipt for a month's rent for a room on the top floor of a Monroe
+Street tenement.
+
+
+
+
+LOVE AMONG THE BLACKBOARDS
+
+
+
+An organized government requires a cabinet, and, during the first weeks
+of her reign over Room 18, Miss Bailey set about providing herself
+with aides and advisors. She made, naturally, some fatal and expensive
+mistakes, as when she entrusted the class pencils to the care of one
+of the Yonowsky twins who, promptly falling ill of scarlet fever and
+imparting it to his brother, reduced the First-Reader Class to writing
+with coloured chalk.
+
+But gradually from the rank and file of candidates, from the
+well-meaning but clumsy; from the competent but dishonest; from the
+lazy and from the rash, she selected three loyal and devoted men to
+share her task of ruling. They were Morris Mogilewsky, Prime Minister
+and Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl; Nathan Spiderwitz, Councillor of
+the Exchequer and Monitor of Window Boxes; and Patrick Brennan,
+Commander-in-Chief of the Forces and Leader of the Line.
+
+The members of this cabinet, finding themselves raised to such high
+places by the pleasure of their sovereign, kept watchful eyes upon
+her. For full well they knew that cruelest of all the laws of the Board
+of Education, which decrees: "That the marriage of a female teacher
+shall constitute resignation." This ruling had deprived them of a
+Kindergarten teacher of transcendent charm and had made them as watchful
+of Miss Bailey as a bevy of maiden aunts could have been. Losing her
+they would lose love and power, and love and power are sweet.
+
+Morris was the first to discover definite grounds for uneasiness. He
+met his cherished Miss Bailey walking across Grand Street on a rainy
+morning, and the umbrella which was protecting her beloved head was
+held by a tall stranger in a long and baggy coat. After circling
+incredulously about this tableau, Morris dashed off to report to his
+colleagues. He found Patrick and Nathan in the midst of an exciting
+game of craps, but his pattering feet warned them of danger, so they
+pocketed their dice and turned to hear his news.
+
+"Say," he panted; "I seen Teacher mit a man."
+
+"No!" said Patrick, aghast.
+
+"It's a lie!" cried Nathan; "it's a lie!"
+
+"No; it's no lie," said Morris, with a sob half of breathlessness and
+half of sorrow; "I seen her for sure. Und the man carries umbrellas
+over her mit loving looks."
+
+"Ah, g'wan," drawled Patrick; "you're crazy. You don't know what you're
+talking about."
+
+"Sure do I," cried Morris. "I had once a auntie what was loving mit
+a awful stylish salesman--he's now floorwalkers--und I see how they
+makes."
+
+"Well," said Patrick, "I had a sister Mary and she married the milkman,
+so I know, too. But umbrellas doesn't mean much."
+
+"But the loving looks," Morris insisted. "My auntie makes such looks
+on the salesman--he's now floorwalkers--und sooner she marries mit
+him."
+
+"Say, Patrick," suggested Nathan; "I'll tell you what to do. You ask
+her if she's goin' to get married."
+
+"Naw," said Patrick. "Let Morris ask her. She'd tell him before she'd
+tell any of us. She's been soft on him ever since Christmas. Say,
+Morris, do you hear? You've got to ask Teacher if she's going to get
+married."
+
+"Oo-o-oh! I dassent. It ain't polite how you says," cried Morris in
+his shocked little voice. "It _ain't_ polite you asks like that.
+It's fierce."
+
+"Well, you've got to do it, anyway," said Patrick darkly, "and you've
+got to do it soon, and you've got to let us hear you."
+
+"It's fierce," protested Morris, but he was overruled by the dominant
+spirit of Patrick Brennan, that grandson of the kings of Munster and
+son of the policeman on the beat. His opportunity found him on the
+very next morning. Isidore Wishnewsky, the gentlest of gentle children,
+came to school wearing his accustomed air of melancholy shot across
+with a tender pride. His subdued "Good morning" was accompanied with
+much strenuous exertion directed, apparently, to the removal and
+exhibition of a portion of his spine. After much wriggling he paused
+long enough to say:
+
+"Teacher, what you think? I'm got a present for you," and then
+recommenced his search in another layer of his many flannels. His
+efforts being at length crowned with success, he drew forth and spread
+before Teacher's admiring eyes a Japanese paper napkin.
+
+"My sister," he explained. "She gets it to a weddinge."
+
+"Oh, Isidore," cried the flattered Teacher; "it's very pretty, isn't
+it?"
+
+"Teacher--yiss ma'an," gurgled Isidore. "It's stylish. You could to
+look on how stands birds on it and flowers. Mine sister she gives it
+to me und I gives it to you. _I_ don't need it. She gives me all
+times something the while she's got such a kind feelin' over me. She
+goes all times on weddinges. Most all her younge lady friends gettin'
+married; ain't it funny?"
+
+At the fateful word "married," the uneasy cabinet closed in about
+Teacher. Their three pairs of eyes clung to her face as Isidore
+repeated:
+
+"All gettin' married. Ain't it funny?"
+
+"Well, no, dear," answered Teacher musingly. "You know nearly all young
+ladies do it."
+
+Patrick took a pin from Teacher's desk and kneeled to tie his
+shoe-string. When he rose the point of the pin projected half an inch
+beyond the frayed toe of his shoe, and he was armed. Morris was most
+evidently losing courage--he was indeed trying to steal away when
+Patrick pressed close beside him and held him to his post.
+
+"Teacher," said Isidore suddenly, as a dreadful thought struck him, "be
+you a lady or be you a girl?"
+
+And Teacher, being of Hibernian ancestry, answered one question with
+another:
+
+"Which do you think, Isidore?"
+
+"Well," Isidore answered, "I don't know be you a forsure lady or be
+you a forsure girl. You wears your hair so tucked up und your dress
+so long down like you was a lady, but you laffs und tells us stories
+like you was a girl. I don't know."
+
+Clearly this was Morris's opening. Patrick pierced his soul with a
+glance of scorn and simultaneously buried the pin in his quaking leg.
+Thus encouraged, Morris rushed blindly into the conversation with:
+
+"Say, Teacher, Miss Bailey, be _you_ goin' to get married?" and then
+dropped limply against her shoulder.
+
+The question was not quite new to Teacher and, as she bestowed Morris
+more comfortably on her knee, she pondered once again. She knew that,
+for the present, her lines had fallen in very pleasant places, and she
+felt no desire to change to pastures new. And yet--and yet--. The
+average female life is long, and a Board, however thoughtful as to
+salary and pension, is an impersonal lord and master, and remote withal.
+So she answered quite simply, with her cheek against the boy's:
+
+"Well, perhaps so, Morris. Perhaps I shall, some day."
+
+"Teacher, no ma'an, Miss Bailey!" wailed the Monitor of the Gold-Fish.
+"Don't you go and get married mit nobody. So you do you couldn't be
+Teacher by us no more, and you're a awful nice teacher by little boys.
+You ain't _too_ big. Und say, we'd feel terrible bad the while you goes
+and gets married mit somebody--terrible bad."
+
+"Should you really, now?" asked Teacher, greatly pleased. "Well, dear,
+I too should be lonely without you."
+
+Here Isidore Wishnewsky, who considered this conversation as his
+cherished own, and saw it being torn from him, determined to outdo the
+favoured Morris as a squire of dames.
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an," he broke in. "We'd all feel terrible the while
+we ain't got you by teacher. All the boys und all the girls they says
+like this--it's the word in the yard--we ain't never had a teacher
+smells so nice like you."
+
+While Teacher was in the lenient mood, resulting from this astounding
+tribute, Nathan forged yet another chain for her securing.
+
+"Teacher," said he, "you wouldn't never go and get married mit nobody
+'out saying nothing to somebody, would you?"
+
+"Indeed, no, my dear," Miss Bailey assured him. "When I marry, you and
+Patrick and Morris shall be ushers--monitors, you know. Now are you
+happy, you funny little chaps?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an," Morris sighed, as the bell rang sharply, and
+the aloof and formal exercise of the assembly room began.
+
+Some days later Teacher arranged to go to a reception, and as she did
+not care to return to her home between work and play, she appeared at
+school in rather festive array. Room 18 was delighted with its
+transformed ruler, but to the board of monitors this glory of raiment
+brought nothing but misery. Every twist in the neat coiffure, every
+fold of the pretty dress, every rustle of the invisible silk, every
+click of the high heels, meant the coming abdication of Teacher and
+the disbanding of her cabinet. Just so had Patrick's sister Mary looked
+on the day she wed the milkman. Just such had been the outward aspect
+of Morris's auntie on the day of her union to the promising young
+salesman who was now a floorwalker and Morris's Uncle Ikey.
+
+Momentarily they expected some word of farewell--perhaps even an
+ice-cream party--but Teacher made no sign. They decided that she was
+reserving her last words for their private ear and were greatly
+disconcerted to find themselves turned out with the common herd at
+three o'clock. With heavy hearts they followed the example of Mary's
+little lamb and waited patiently about till Teacher did appear. When
+she came she was more wonderful than ever, in a long and billowy boa
+and a wide and billowy hat. She had seemed in a breathless hurry while
+up in Room 18, but now she stood quite placidly in a group of her small
+adherents on the highest of the school-house steps. And the cabinet,
+waiting gloomily apart, only muttered, "I told ye so," and "It must
+be a awful kind feeling," when the tall stranger came swinging upon
+the scene. When Teacher's eyes fell upon him she began to force her
+way through her clinging court, and when he was half way up the steps
+she was half way down. As they met he drew from his pocket a hand and
+the violets it held and Teacher was still adjusting the flowers in her
+jacket when she passed her lurking staff. "I didn't expect you at all,"
+she was saying. "You know it was not a really definite arrangement,
+and men hate receptions."
+
+A big voice replied in a phrase which Morris identified as having been
+prominent in the repertoire of the enamoured salesman--now a
+floorwalker--and Teacher with her companion turned to cross the street.
+Her heels clicked for yet a moment and the deserted cabinet knew that
+all was over.
+
+The gloom obscuring Patrick's spirit on that evening was of so deep
+a dye that Mrs. Brennan diagnosed it as the first stage of "a
+consumption." She administered simple remedies and warm baths with
+perseverance, but without effect. And more potent to cure than bath
+or bottle was the sight of Teacher on the next morning in her accustomed
+clothes and place.
+
+The Board of Monitors had hardly recovered from this panic when another
+alarming symptom appeared. Miss Bailey began to watch for letters, and
+large envelopes began to reward her watchfulness. Daily was Patrick
+sent to the powers that were to demand a letter, and daily he carried
+one, and a sorely heavy heart, back to his sovereign. In exactly the
+same sweetly insistent way had he been sent many a time and oft to
+seek tidings of the laggard milkman. His colleagues, when he laid these
+facts before them, were of the opinion that things looked very dark
+for Teacher. Said Nathan:
+
+"You know how she says we should be monitors on her weddinge? Well,
+it could to be lies. She marries maybe already."
+
+Patrick promptly knocked the Monitor of Window Boxes down upon the
+rough asphalt of the yard and kicked him.
+
+"Miss Bailey's no sneak," he cried hotly. "If she was married she'd
+just as lief go and tell."
+
+"Well," Morris began, "I had once a auntie--"
+
+"Your auntie makes me sick," snapped Patrick. But Morris went on quite
+undisturbedly:
+
+"I had once a auntie und she had awful kind feelings over a stylish
+floorwalker, und he was loving mit her. So-o-oh! They marries! Und
+they don't say nothings to nobody. On'y the stylish floor walker he
+writes on my auntie whole bunches of lovin' letters."
+
+"She ain't married," Patrick reiterated. "She ain't."
+
+"Well, she will be," muttered Nathan vindictively. "Und the new teacher
+will lick you the while you fights. It's fierce how you make me biles
+on my bones. Think shame."
+
+When the ruffled Monitor of the Window Boxes had been soothed by the
+peaceful Guardian of the Gold-Fish, the cabinet held council. Nathan
+suggested that it might be possible to bribe the interloper. They would
+give him their combined wealth and urge him to turn his eyes upon Miss
+Blake, whose room was across the hall. She was very big and would do
+excellently well for him, whereas she was entirely too long and too
+wide for them.
+
+Morris maintained that Teacher might be held by gratitude. A list
+should be made out, and, each in turn, a child a day, should give her
+a present.
+
+Patrick listened to these ideas in deep and restive disgust. He urged
+instant and copious bloodshed. His big brother's gang could "let
+daylight into the dude" with enjoyment and despatch. They would watch
+him ceaselessly and they would track him down.
+
+The watching was an easy matter, for Teacher, in common with the
+majority of rulers, lived much in the public eye. The stranger was
+often detected prowling in her vicinity. He even began to bring her
+to school in the mornings, and on these occasions there were always
+violets in her coat. He used to appear at luncheon time and vanish
+with her. He used to come in the afternoon and have tea in Room 18
+with two other teachers and with Teacher. The antagonism of the Monitor
+of Gold Fish became so marked that Miss Bailey was forced to
+remonstrate.
+
+"Morris, dear," she began one afternoon, when they were alone together,
+"you were very rude to Doctor Ingraham yesterday. I can't allow you
+to stay here with me if you're going to behave so badly. You sulked
+horribly and you slammed the door against his foot. Of course it was
+an accident, but how would you feel, Morris, if you had hurt him?"
+
+"Glad," said the Monitor of the Gold-Fish savagely. "Glad."
+
+"Morris! What do you mean by saying such a thing? I'm ashamed of you.
+Why should you want to hurt a friend of mine?"
+
+"Don't you be friends mit him!" cried Morris, deserting his fish and
+throwing himself upon his teacher. "Don't you do it, Teacher Missis
+Bailey. He ain't no friends for a lady." And then, in answer to
+Teacher's stare of blank surprise, he went on:
+
+"My mamma she seen him by your side und she says--I got to tell you
+in whispering how she says."
+
+Teacher bent her head and Morris whispered in an awe-struck voice:
+
+"My mamma says she like that: 'He could to be a Krisht,'" and then
+drew back to study Teacher's consternation. But she seemed quite calm.
+Perhaps she had already faced the devastating fact, for she said:
+
+"Yes, I know he's a Christian. I'm not afraid of them. Are you?"
+
+"Teacher, no ma'an, Missis Bailey, I ain't got no scare over Krishts,
+on'y they ain't no friends for ladies. My papa says like that on my
+auntie, und my auntie she's married now mit a stylish floorwalker.
+We'm got a Krisht in our house for boarder, so I know. But _you_
+couldn't to know 'bout Krishts."
+
+"Yes, I do. They're very nice people."
+
+"No ma'an," said Morris gently. And then still more courteously: "It's
+a lie. You couldn't to know about Krishts."
+
+"But I do know all about them, Morris dear. I'm a Christian."
+
+Again Morris remembered his manners. Again he replied in his courtly
+phrase:
+
+"It's a lie." As he said it, with a bewitching rising inflection, it
+was almost a caress. "It's a lie. Teacher fools. You couldn't to be
+no Krisht. You ain't got no looks off of Krishts."
+
+Teacher was mildly surprised. She was as Irish as Patrick Brennan and,
+in her own way, she looked it. Truly her eyes were brown, but the face
+and the faith of her fathers were still strongly hers. Morris,
+meanwhile, examined his sovereign with admiring eyes. He could well
+understand the heart of that Krisht, for Teacher was very beautiful
+and of splendid array. Her jumper was red, with golden buttons, and
+her collar was white, and her hair was soft, with combs. And she had
+a light face and a little bit of nose and teeth. Her apron was from
+silk with red ribbons and red flowers, and she had like man's-shoes and
+a watch. This vision of feminine perfection was bestowing time and
+smiles on him. She was actually appealing to his judgment.
+
+"Not look like a Christian?" she was saying. "Well, then, Morris, what
+do I look like?"
+
+And Morris, ever going straight to the point, replied: "You looks like
+a stylish Sheeny," and waited for this intoxicating praise to bring
+blushes to the light face he loved. It brought the blushes, but they
+were even redder and hotter than he had expected. There was also a
+gasp on which he had not counted and a queer flash in the brown eyes.
+
+"Morris," said Teacher, "Morris, did you ever see a Sheeny with a nose
+like mine?"
+
+Morris raised his head from the red jumper, climbed off the from-silk
+apron and solemnly contemplated the little bit of nose. The truth broke
+over him in sickening waves. The star of his life had set; his doll
+was stuffed with sawdust; his idol had feet of clay; his light-faced
+lady was a Christian. And yet she was his teacher and greatly to be
+loved, so he bore the knowledge, for her dear sake, as bravely as he
+could. He returned to the from-silk apron, wound a short arm round the
+white collar, and sobbed:
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an, you'm got a Krisht nose. But don't you care, no
+one couldn't never to know like you ain't a for sure Sheeny the while
+you got such terrible Sheeny eyes. Oh, but they couldn't never to think
+you're a Krisht. Und say, don't you have a frightened. I wouldn't never
+to tell nobody. Never. I makes a swear over it. I kiss up to God. I
+hopes I drops down if I tells."
+
+At the end of a month the high heels and the festive raiment appeared
+again, and the staff knew that the time for action had really come.
+They must bring the Krisht to terms before he should see Teacher in
+her present and irresistible array. He was always first at the trysting
+place, and there they would have speech with him. They arranged to
+escape from Room 18 before three o'clock. The Commander-in-Chief feigned
+a nose-bleed, the Prime Minister developed an inward agony, and the
+Chancellor of the Exchequer, after some moments of indecision, boldly
+plucked out a tottering tooth and followed--bloody but triumphant--in
+their wake. They found the enemy just as they had expected, and Morris,
+being again elected spokesman, stepped forward and took him by his
+dastard hand. The adversary yielded, thinking that Teacher had been
+forced to greater caution. The Commander-in-Chief and the Chancellor
+followed close behind, they having consented, in view of the enormous
+issues involved, to act as scouts. Around the corner they went into
+a dark and narrow alley, and, when they had reached a secluded spot
+between the high wall of the school and the blank windows of a recently
+burned tenement house, Morris began:
+
+"Teacher don't wants to go on the party mit you the while she ain't
+got no more that kind feeling over you."
+
+"What?" cried the astonished Doctor Ingraham.
+
+"She don't wants to be married mit you."
+
+"Did Miss Bailey send you with any message to me?"
+
+The question was so fierce that the truth was forced from the unwilling
+lips of the spokesman.
+
+"No ma'an--no sir," they faltered. "On'y that's the feeling what she
+had. Und so you go away now 'out seeing Teacher, me und the other
+fellows we gives you FIVE cents."
+
+The cabinet drew near to hear the answer to this suggestion. It puzzled
+them, for--
+
+"Now, look here, boy," said Doctor Ingraham, "you'd better go home and
+get to bed. You aren't well."
+
+Morris conferred with his colleagues and returned with:
+
+"We gives you SEVEN cents so you go home now 'out seeing Teacher. A
+nickel und two pennies so you go _now_. Und say, Miss Blake could
+to go by your side. She has kind feelings over you."
+
+"Nonsense," said the man. "When will your teacher be down?"
+
+"She ain't coming at all. She has no more feelings. So you goes now
+we gives you a dime and a penny. ELEVEN cents. We ain't got it; on'y
+we _could_ to get. Teacher gives me all times pennies."
+
+Just as the stranger was wondering how much of truth these extraordinary
+children knew, Teacher, calm-eyed and unruffled, appeared upon the
+scene. She said, as she generally did:
+
+"Doctor Ingraham! Who would have thought to find you here!" And then,
+"Are you talking to my little people? They are the cleverest little
+things, and such friends of mine. Morris here and I are the greatest
+of cronies."
+
+Teacher's manner, as she began her greeting, was serene and bright,
+but a gloomy, even a morose, glance from Doctor Ingraham's cold blue
+eye quite changed her. His voice too, considered as the voice of love,
+sounded sulkily as he said:
+
+"So it seems. He has given me an answer which you refused me."
+
+"How generous of Morris and how thoughtful! He's always trying to save
+me trouble. And the question, now, to which the answer belonged. May
+one know that?"
+
+"You know it well enough," with a glance up and down the deserted
+alley, for even Patrick had realized that discretion is the better
+part of statesmanship.
+
+"Oh _that_" said Teacher. "And Morris's answer?"
+
+"No."
+
+"They really are the cleverest children."
+
+"Little brutes! I can't think why you come down here every day. The
+brats aren't in the least grateful."
+
+"But they are. They think me perfection."
+
+"That is the contagion of mental states."
+
+"And they're not fond of you."
+"That's it again, I suppose." And, as Teacher made no sign of having
+heard, he went on: "Tea, do you know, is a dreadful bore."
+
+"Of course, but cold tea is worse. And the cakes are so shattered
+towards the end. Come."
+
+"I've changed my mind. I'm not going. I'm tired of this sort of thing.
+Answer me now."
+
+"But the children," faltered Teacher. "I should miss them so."
+
+At this sign of weakening Doctor Ingraham favoured the queer old street
+with a tableau to which it long had been a stranger. And the cabinet,
+creeping back to reconnoitre, immediately guessed the worst. Said
+Morris:
+
+"She's lovin' mit him und he's loving mit her. They've got loving
+looks. I had once a auntie--"
+
+This was too much for the torn spirit of the Leader of the Line. He
+laid violent hands--and feet--upon the Monitor of Gold Fish. The Monitor
+of Window Boxes promptly followed suit. Morris's prolonged yell of
+agonized surprise brought Teacher flying to the rescue. And Teacher
+brought Doctor Ingraham. While the latter held and restrained Patrick
+and Nathan, Miss Bailey lavished endearments and caresses on her
+favourite. The captor grew as restless as his captives under this
+aggravation, and at last allowed his charges to escape.
+
+"Look here!" he remonstrated; "I can't stand this sort of thing, you
+know. It's cruel."
+
+But Teacher's ears were all for Morris's tale of sorrow.
+
+"I don't know what is mit Patrick," he was saying. "He hits me a hack
+somethin' fierce sooner I says about mine auntie. Und Nathan, too, is
+bad boys. He says you lies."
+
+"I?" said Teacher; "I?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an, that's how he says. On'y _I_ know you don't lies. I _know_
+we should be monitors like you says."
+
+"When, dearie?"
+
+"On your weddinge. You know you says me, und Patrick, und Nathan,
+should be monitors on your weddinge when you marries mit him." And
+Morris stretched a pointing finger at the foe. After one radiant glance
+at Teacher's face, Doctor Ingraham possessed himself of the scrubby
+hand and shook it warmly.
+
+"And so you shall, old chap," he cried, "so you shall. You may be best
+man if you so desire. Anything you like."
+
+"New clothes?" asked Morris.
+
+"From stem to stern."
+
+"Ice-cream?"
+
+"Gallons."
+
+"Paper napkins mit birds?"
+
+"Bushels."
+
+"Can I mine little sister bring?"
+
+"A dozen little sisters if you have them."
+
+"Can I go in a carriage, down and up? It's stylish."
+
+"You shall have a parade of carriages--one for each sister."
+
+"Morris," commanded Miss Bailey, "go home."
+
+When she turned to confront Doctor Ingraham the "light face" was
+brightly pink and the "terrible Sheeny eyes" held a mixture of
+embarrassment and anger.
+
+"Of course I can't explain this," she said. "I must simply ask you to
+believe that he is making a dreadful mistake. You were quite right
+when you said they were ungrateful little brutes. They are. You were
+quite right, too, about teas being a bore. They are. So you will pardon
+me if I go to see little Leah Yonowsky. The twins are reported ill
+again. Good afternoon."
+
+It was a very rueful and disgusted enemy that the cabinet discerned
+in the offing.
+
+"Good Lord!" cried the Commander-in-Chief. "Here he comes again, and
+Miss Bailey ain't with him."
+
+"Morris," said the enemy, "you've done for me, my boy."
+
+"Won't she go by your side on the party?" asked the Prime Minister.
+
+"She will not," admitted the hostile power. "So you may as well trot
+out Miss Blake and begin to collect my eleven cents. For, though you
+may not have discovered it--and there be those who doubt it--a ten-cent
+cigar's a smoke."
+
+
+
+
+MORRIS AND THE HONOURABLE TIM
+
+
+
+On the first day of school, after the Christmas holidays, Teacher found
+herself surrounded by a howling mob of little savages in which she had
+much difficulty in recognizing her cherished First-Reader Class. Isidore
+Belchatosky's face was so wreathed in smiles and foreign matter as to
+be beyond identification; Nathan Spiderwitz had placed all his trust
+in a solitary suspender and two unstable buttons; Eva Kidansky had
+entirely freed herself from restraining hooks and eyes; Isidore
+Applebaum had discarded shoe-laces; and Abie Ashnewsky had bartered
+his only necktie for a yard of "shoe-string" licorice.
+
+Miss Bailey was greatly disheartened by this reversion to the original
+type. She delivered daily lectures on nail-brushes, hair-ribbons, shoe
+polish, pins, buttons, elastic, and other means to grace. Her talks
+on soap and water became almost personal in tone, and her insistence
+on a close union between such garments as were meant to be united, led
+to a lively traffic in twisted and disreputable safety-pins. And yet
+the First-Reader Class, in all other branches of learning so receptive
+and responsive, made but halting and uncertain progress towards
+thatstate of virtue which is next to godliness.
+
+Early in January came the report that "Gum Shoe Tim" was on the war-path
+and might be expected at any time. Miss Bailey heard the tidings in
+calm ignorance until Miss Blake, who ruled over the adjoining kingdom,
+interpreted the warning. A license to teach in the public schools of
+New York is good for only one year. Its renewal depends upon the reports
+of the Principal in charge of the school and of the Associate
+Superintendent in whose district the school chances to be. After three
+such renewals the license becomes permanent, but Miss Bailey was, as
+a teacher, barely four months old. The Associate Superintendent for
+her vicinity was the Honourable Timothy O'Shea, known and dreaded as
+"Gum Shoe Tim," owing to his engaging way of creeping softly up back
+stairs and appearing, all unheralded and unwelcome, upon the threshold
+of his intended victim.
+
+This, Miss Blake explained, was in defiance of all the rules of
+etiquette governing such visits of inspection. The proper procedure
+had been that of Mr. O'Shea's predecessor, who had always given timely
+notice of his coming and a hint as to the subjects in which he intended
+to examine the children. Some days later he would amble from room to
+room, accompanied by the amiable Principal, and followed by the
+gratitude of smiling and unruffled teachers.
+
+This kind old gentleman was now retired and had been succeeded by Mr.
+O'Shea, who, in addition to his unexpectedness, was adorned by an
+abominable temper, an overbearing manner, and a sense of cruel humour.
+He had almost finished his examinations at the nearest school where,
+during a brisk campaign of eight days, he had caused five dismissals,
+nine cases of nervous exhaustion, and an epidemic of hysteria.
+
+Day by day nerves grew more tense, tempers more unsure, sleep and
+appetite more fugitive. Experienced teachers went stolidly on with the
+ordinary routine while beginners devoted time and energy to the more
+spectacular portions of the curriculum. But no one knew the Honourable
+Timothy's pet subjects and so no one could specialize to any great
+extent.
+
+Miss Bailey was one of the beginners, and Room 18 was made to shine
+as the sun. Morris Mogilewsky, Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl, wrought
+busily until his charges glowed redly against the water plants in their
+shining bowl. Creepers crept, plants grew, and ferns waved under the
+care of Nathan Spiderwitz, Monitor of the Window Boxes. There was such
+a martial swing and strut in Patrick Brennan's leadership of the line
+that it informed even the timid heart of Isidore Wishnewsky with a
+war-like glow and his feet with a spasmodic but well-meant tramp. Sadie
+Gonorowsky and Eva, her cousin, sat closely side by side, no longer
+"mad on theirselves," but "mit kind feelings." The work of the preceding
+term was laid in neat and docketed piles upon the low book-case. The
+children were enjoined to keep clean and entire. And Teacher, a nervous
+and unsmiling Teacher, waited dully.
+
+A week passed thus, and then the good-hearted and experienced Miss
+Blake hurried ponderously across the hall to put Teacher on her guard.
+
+"I've just had a note from one of the grammar teachers," she panted.
+"'Gum Shoe Tim' is up in Miss Greene's room. He'll take this floor
+next. Now, see here, child, don't look so frightened. The Principle
+is with Tim. Of course you're nervous, but try not to show it. And
+you'll be all right, his lay is discipline and reading. Well, good
+luck to you!"
+
+Miss Bailey took heart of grace. The children read surprisingly well,
+were absolutely good, and the enemy under convoy of the friendly
+Principal would be much less terrifying than the enemy at large and
+alone. It was, therefore, with a manner almost serene that she turned
+to greet the kindly concerned Principal and the dreaded "Gum Shoe Tim."
+The latter she found less ominous of aspect than she had been led to
+fear, and the Principal's charming little speech of introduction made
+her flush with quick pleasure. And the anxious eyes of Sadie Gonorowsky,
+noting the flush, grew calm as Sadie whispered to Eva, her close cousin:
+
+"Say, Teacher has a glad. She's red on the face. It could to be her
+papa."
+
+"No. It's comp'ny," answered Eva sagely. "It ain't her papa. It's
+comp'ny the whiles Teacher takes him by the hand."
+
+The children were not in the least disconcerted by the presence of the
+large man. They always enjoyed visitors and they liked the heavy gold
+chain which festooned the wide white waistcoat of this guest; and,
+asthey watched him, the Associate Superintendent began to superintend.
+
+He looked at the children all in their clean and smiling rows: he
+looked at the flowers and the gold fish; at the pictures and the plaster
+casts: he looked at the work of the last term and he looked at Teacher.
+As he looked he swayed gently on his rubber heels and decided that he
+was going to enjoy  the coming quarter of an hour. Teacher pleased him
+from the first. She was neither old nor ill-favoured, and she was most
+evidently nervous. The combination appealed both to his love of power
+and his peculiar sense of humour. Settling deliberately in the chair
+of state, he began:
+
+"Can the children sing, Miss Bailey?"
+
+They could sing very prettily and they did.
+
+"Very nice, indeed," said the voice of visiting authority. "Very nice.
+Their music is exceptionally good. And are they drilled? Children,
+will you march for me?"
+
+Again they could and did. Patrick marshaled his line in time and triumph
+up and down the aisles to the evident interest and approval of the
+"comp'ny," and then Teacher led the class through some very energetic
+Swedish movements. While arms and bodies were bending and straightening
+at Teacher's command and example, the door opened and a breathless boy
+rushed in. He bore an unfolded note and, as Teacher had no hand to
+spare, the boy placed the paper on the desk under the softening eyes
+of the Honourable Timothy, who glanced down idly and then pounced upon
+the note and read its every word.
+
+"For you, Miss Bailey," he said in the voice before which even the
+school janitor had been known to quail. "Your friend was thoughtful,
+though a little late." And poor palpitating Miss Bailey read.
+
+"Watch out! 'Gum Shoe Tim' is in the building. The Principal caught
+him on the back stairs and they're going round together. He's as cross
+as a bear. Greene in dead faint in dressing-room. Says he's going to
+fire her. Watch out for him, and send the news on. His lay is reading
+and discipline."
+
+Miss Bailey grew cold with sick and unreasoning fear. As she gazed
+wide-eyed at the living confirmation of the statement that "Gum Shoe
+Tim" was "as cross as a bear," the gentle-hearted Principal took the
+paper from her nerveless grasp.
+
+"It's all right," he assured her. "Mr. O'Shea understands that you had
+no part in this. It's _all_ right. You are not responsible."
+
+But Teacher had no ears for his soothing. She could only watch with
+fascinated eyes as the Honourable Timothy reclaimed the note and wrote
+across it's damning face: "Miss Greene may come to. She is not
+fired.--T.O'S."
+
+"Here, boy," he called; "take this to your teacher." The puzzled
+messenger turned to obey, and the Associate Superintendent saw that
+though his dignity had suffered his power had increased. To the list
+of those whom he might, if so disposed, devour, he had now added the
+name of the Principal, who was quick to understand that an unpleasant
+investigation lay before him. If Miss Bailey could not be held
+responsible for this system of inter-classroom communication, it was
+clear that the Principal could.
+
+Every trace of interest had left Mr. O'Shea's voice as he asked:
+
+"Can they read?"
+
+"Oh, yes, they read," responded Teacher, but her spirit was crushed
+and the children reflected her depression. Still, they were marvellously
+good and that blundering note had said, "Discipline is his lay." Well,
+here he had it.
+
+There was one spectator of this drama, who, understanding no word nor
+incident therein, yet missed no shade of the many emotions which had
+stirred the light face of his lady. Towards the front of the room sat
+Morris Mogilewsky, with every nerve tuned to Teacher's, and with an
+appreciation of the situation in which the other children had no share.
+On the afternoon of one of those dreary days of waiting for the evil
+which had now come, Teacher had endeavoured to explain the nature and
+possible result of this ordeal to her favourite. It was clear to him
+now that she was troubled, and he held the large and unaccustomed
+presence of the comp'ny mit whiskers responsible. Countless generations
+of ancestors had followed and fostered the instinct which now led
+Morris to propitiate an angry power. Luckily, he was prepared with an
+offering of a suitable nature. He had meant to enjoy it for yet a few
+days, and then to give it to Teacher. She was such a sensible person
+about presents. One might give her one's most cherished possession
+with a brave and cordial heart, for on each Friday afternoon she
+returned the gifts she had received during the week. And this with no
+abatement of gratitude.
+
+Morris rose stealthily, crept forward, and placed a bright blue
+bromo-seltzer bottle in the fat hand which hung over the back of the
+chair of state. The hand closed instinctively as, with dawning
+curiosity, the Honourable Timothy studied the small figure at his side.
+It began in a wealth of loosely curling hair which shaded a delicate
+face, very pointed as to chin and monopolized by a pair of dark eyes,
+sad and deep and beautiful. A faded blue "jumper" was buttoned tightly
+across the narrow chest; frayed trousers were precariously attached
+to the "jumper," and impossible shoes and stockings supplemented the
+trousers. Glancing from boy to bottle, the "comp'ny mit whiskers"
+asked:
+
+"What's this for?"
+
+"For you."
+
+"What's in it?"
+
+"A present."
+
+Mr. O'Shea removed the cork and proceeded to draw out incredible
+quantities of absorbent cotton. When there was no more to come, a faint
+tinkle sounded within the blue depths, and Mr. O'Shea, reversing the
+bottle, found himself possessed of a trampled and disfigured sleeve
+link of most palpable brass.
+
+"It's from gold," Morris assured him. "You puts it in your--'scuse
+me--shirt. Wish you health to wear it."
+
+"Thank you," said the Honourable Tim, and there was a tiny break in
+the gloom which had enveloped him. And then, with a quick memory of
+the note and of his anger:
+
+"Miss Bailey, who is this young man?"
+
+And Teacher, of whose hobbies Morris was one, answered warmly: "That
+is Morris Mogilewsky, the best of boys. He takes care of the gold-fish,
+and does all sorts of things for me. Don't you, dear?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an," Morris answered.
+
+"I'm lovin' much mit you. I gives presents on the company over you."
+
+"Aint he rather big to speak such broken English?" asked Mr. O'Shea.
+"I hope you remember that it is part of your duty to stamp out the
+dialect."
+
+"Yes, I know," Miss Bailey answered. "But Morris has been in America
+for so short a time. Nine months, is it not?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an. I comes out of Russia," responded Morris, on the
+verge of tears and with his face buried in Teacher's dress.
+
+Now Mr. O'Shea had his prejudices--strong and deep. He had been given
+jurisdiction over that particular district because it was his native
+heath, and the Board of Education considered that he would be more in
+sympathy with the inhabitants than a stranger. The truth was absolutely
+the reverse. Because he had spent his early years in a large old house
+on East Broadway, because he now saw his birthplace changed to a squalid
+tenement, and the happy hunting grounds of his youth grown ragged and
+foreign--swarming with strange faces and noisy with strange tongues--Mr.
+O'Shea bore a sullen grudge against the usurping race.
+
+He resented the caressing air with which Teacher held the little hand
+placed so confidently within her own and he welcomed the opportunity
+of gratifying his still ruffled temper and his racial antagonism at
+the same time. He would take a rise out of this young woman about her
+little Jew. She would be comforted later on. Mr. O'Shea rather fancied
+himself in the role of comforter, when the sufferer was neither old
+nor ill-favoured. And so he set about creating the distress which he
+would later change to gratitude and joy. Assuredly the Honourable
+Timothy had a well-developed sense of humour.
+
+"His English is certainly dreadful," remarked the voice of authority,
+and it was not an English voice, nor is O'Shea distinctively an English
+name. "Dreadful. And, by the way, I hope you are not spoiling these
+youngsters. You must remember that you are fitting them for the battle
+of life. Don't coddle your soldiers. Can you reconcile your present
+attitude with discipline?"
+
+"With Morris--yes," Teacher answered. "He is gentle and tractable
+beyond words."
+
+"Well, I hope you're right," grunted Mr. O'Shea "but don't coddle
+them."
+
+And so the incident closed. The sleeve link was tucked, before Morris's
+yearning eyes, into the reluctant pocket of the wide white waistcoat,
+and Morris returned to his place. He found his reader and the proper
+page, and the lesson went on with brisk serenity: real on the children's
+part, but bravely assumed on Teacher's. Child after child stood up;
+read; sat down again; and it came to be the duty of Bertha Binderwitz
+to read the entire page of which the others had each read a line. She
+began jubilantly, but soon stumbled, hesitated, and wailed: "Stands
+a fierce word. I don't know what it is," and Teacher turned to write
+the puzzling word upon the blackboard.
+
+Morris's heart stopped with a sickening suddenness and then rushed
+madly on again. He had a new and dreadful duty to perform. All his
+mother's counsel, all his father's precepts told him that it was his
+duty. Yet fear held him in his little seat behind his little desk,
+while his conscience insisted on this unalterable decree of the social
+code: "So somebody's clothes is wrong it's polite you says 'scuse' und
+tells it out."
+
+And here was Teacher whom he dearly loved, whose ideals of personal
+adornment extended to full sets of buttons on jumpers and to laces in
+both shoes, here was his immaculate lady fair in urgent need of
+assistance and advice, and all because she had on that day inaugurated
+a delightfully vigorous exercise for which, architecturally, she was
+not designed.
+
+There was yet room for hope that some one else would see the breach
+and brave the danger. But no. The visitor sat stolidly in the chair
+of state, the Principal sat serenely beside him, the children sat each
+in his own little place, behind his own little desk, keeping his own
+little eyes on his own little book. No. Morris's soul cried with
+Hamlet's:
+
+  "_The time is out of joint;--O cursed spite,
+    That ever I was born to set it right_!"
+
+Up into the quiet air went his timid hand. Teacher, knowing him in his
+more garrulous moods, ignored the threatened interruption of Bertha's
+spirited resume, but the windmill action of the little arm attracted
+the Honourable Tim's attention.
+
+"The best of boys wants you," he suggested, and Teacher perforce asked:
+
+"Well, Morris, what is it?"
+
+Not until he was on his feet did the Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl,
+appreciate the enormity of the mission he had undertaken. The other
+children began to understand, and watched his struggle for words and
+breath with sympathy or derision, as their natures prompted. But there
+are no words in which one may politely mention ineffective safety-pins
+to one's glass of fashion. Morris's knees trembled queerly, his
+breathing grew difficult, and Teacher seemed a very great way off as
+she asked again:
+
+"Well, what is it, dear?"
+
+Morris panted a little, smiled weakly, and then sat down. Teacher was
+evidently puzzled, the "Comp'ny" alert, the Principal uneasy.
+
+"Now, Morris," Teacher remonstrated, "you must tell me what you want."
+
+But Morris had deserted his etiquette and his veracity, and murmured
+only:
+
+"Nothings."
+
+"Just wanted to be noticed," said the Honourable Tim. "It is easy to
+spoil them." And he watched the best of boys rather closely, for a
+habit of interrupting reading lessons, wantonly and without reason,
+was a trait in the young of which he disapproved.
+
+When this disapprobation manifested itself in Mr. O'Shea's countenance,
+the loyal heart of Morris interpreted it as a new menace to his
+sovereign. No later than yesterday she had warned them of the vital
+importance of coherence. "Every one knows," she had said, "that only
+common little boys and girls come apart. No one ever likes them," and
+the big stranger was even now misjudging her.
+
+Again his short arm agitated the quiet air. Again his trembling legs
+upheld a trembling boy. Again authority urged. Again Teacher asked:
+
+"Well, Morris, what is it, dear?"
+
+All this was as before, but not as before was poor harassed Miss
+Bailey's swoop down the aisle, her sudden taking of Morris's troubled
+little face between her soft hands, the quick near meeting with her
+kind eyes, the note of pleading in her repetition:
+
+"What do you want, Morris?"
+
+He was beginning to answer when it occurred to him that the truth might
+make her cry. There was an unsteadiness about her upper lip which
+seemed to indicate the possibility. Suddenly he found that he no longer
+yearned for words in which to tell her of her disjointment, but for
+something else--anything else--to say.
+
+His miserable eyes escaped from hers and wandered to the wall in
+desperate search for conversation. There was no help in the pictures,
+no inspiration in the plaster casts, but on the blackboard he read,
+"Tuesday, January twenty-first, 1902." Only the date, but he must make
+it serve. With Teacher close beside him, with the hostile eye of the
+Honourable Tim upon him, hedged round about by the frightened or
+admiring regard of the First-Reader Class, Morris blinked rapidly,
+swallowed resolutely, and remarked:
+
+"Teacher, this year's Nineteen-hundred-and-two," and knew that all was
+over.
+
+The caressing clasp of Teacher's hands grew into a grip of anger. The
+countenance of Mr. O'Shea took on the beatified expression of the
+prophet who has found honour and verification in his own country.
+
+"The best of boys has his off days and this is one of them," he
+remarked.
+
+"Morris," said Teacher, "did you stop a reading lesson to tell me that?
+Do you think I don't know what the year is? I'm ashamed of you."
+
+Never had she spoken thus. If the telling had been difficult to Morris
+when she was "glad on him," it was impossible now that she was a prey
+to such evident "mad feelings." And yet he must make some explanation.
+So he murmured: "Teacher, I tells you 'scuse. I know you knows what
+year stands, on'y it's polite I tells you something, und I had a fraid."
+
+"And so you bothered your Teacher with that nonsense," said Tim. "You're
+a nice boy!"
+
+Morris's eyes were hardly more appealing than Teacher's as the two
+culprits, for so they felt themselves, turned to their judge.
+
+"Morris is a strange boy," Miss Bailey explained. "He can't be managed
+by ordinary methods--"
+
+"And extraordinary methods don't seem to work to-day," Mr. O'Shea
+interjected.
+
+"--and I think," Teacher continued, "that it might be better not to
+press the point."
+
+"Oh, if you have no control over him--" Mr. O'Shea was beginning
+pleasantly, when the Principal suggested:
+
+"You'd better let us hear what he has to say, Miss Bailey; make him
+understand that you are master here." And Teacher, with a heart-sick
+laugh at the irony of this advice in the presence of the Associate
+Superintendent, turned to obey.
+
+But Morris would utter no words but these, dozens of times repeated:
+"I have a fraid." Miss Bailey coaxed, bribed, threatened and cajoled;
+shook him surreptitiously, petted him openly. The result was always
+the same: "It's polite I tells you something out, on'y I had a fraid."
+
+"But, Morris, dear, of what?" cried Teacher. "Are you afraid of me?
+Stop crying now and answer. Are you afraid of Miss Bailey?"
+
+"N-o-o-oh m-a-a-an."
+
+"Are you afraid of the Principal?"
+
+"N-o-o-oh m-a-a-an."
+
+"Are you afraid"--with a slight pause, during which a native hue of
+honesty was foully done to death--"of the kind gentleman we are all
+so glad to see?"
+
+"N-o-o-oh m-a-a-an."
+
+"Well, then, what is the matter with you? Are you sick? Don't you think
+you would like to go home to your mother?"
+
+"N-o-o-oh m-a-a-an; I ain't sick. I tells you 'scuse."
+
+The repeated imitation of a sorrowful goat was too much for the
+Honourable Tim.
+
+"Bring that boy to me," he commanded. "I'll show you how to manage
+refractory and rebellious children."
+
+With much difficulty and many assurances that the gentleman was not
+going to hurt him, Miss Bailey succeeded in untwining Morris's legs
+from the supports of the desk and in half carrying, half leading him
+up to the chair of state. An ominous silence had settled over the room.
+Eva Gonorowsky was weeping softly, and the redoubtable Isidore Applebaum
+was stiffened in a frozen calm.
+
+"Morris," began the Associate Superintendent in his most awful tones,
+"will you tell me why you raised your hand? Come here, sir." Teacher
+urged him gently, and like dog to heel, he went. He halted within a
+pace or two of Mr. O'Shea, and lifted a beseeching face towards him.
+
+"I couldn't to tell nothing out," said he. "I tells you 'scuse. I'm
+got a fraid."
+
+The Honourable Tim lunged quickly and caught the terrified boy
+preparatory to shaking him, but Morris escaped and fled to his haven
+of safety--his Teacher's arms. When Miss Bailey felt the quick clasp
+of the thin little hands, the heavy beating of the over-tried heart,
+and the deep convulsive sobs, she turned on the Honourable Timothy
+O'Shea and spoke:
+
+"I must ask you to leave this room at once," she announced. The
+Principal started, and then sat back. Teacher's eyes were dangerous,
+and the Honourable Tim might profit by a lesson. "You've frightened
+the child until he can't breathe. I can do nothing with him while you
+remain. The examination is ended. You may go."
+
+Now Mr. O'Shea saw he had gone a little too far in his effort to create
+the proper dramatic setting for his clemency. He had not expected the
+young woman to "rise" quite so far and high. His deprecating
+half-apology, half-eulogy, gave Morris the opportunity he craved.
+
+[Illustration: "I MUST ASK YOU TO LEAVE THIS ROOM"]
+
+[Illustration: "TEACHER, I TELLS YOU 'SCUSE"]
+
+"Teacher." he panted; "I wants to whisper mit you in the ear."
+
+With a dexterous movement he knelt upon her lap and tore out his
+solitary safety-pin. He then clasped her tightly and made his
+explanation. He began in the softest of whispers, which increased in
+volume as it did in interest, so that he reached the climax at the
+full power of his boy soprano voice.
+
+"Teacher, Missis Bailey, I know you know what year stands. On'y it's
+polite I tells you something, und I had a fraid the while the comp'ny
+mit the whiskers sets und rubbers. But, Teacher, it's like this: your
+jumper's sticking out und you could to take mine safety-pin."
+
+He had understood so little of all that had passed that he was beyond
+being surprised by the result of this communication. Miss Bailey had
+gathered him into her arms and had cried in a queer helpless way. And
+as she cried she had said over and over again: "Morris, how could you?
+Oh, how could you, dear? How _could_ you?"
+
+The Principal and "the comp'ny mit whiskers" had looked solemnly at
+one another for a struggling moment, and had then broken into laughter,
+long and loud, until the visiting authority was limp and moist. The
+children waited in polite uncertainty, but when Miss Bailey, after
+some indecision, had contributed a wan smile, which later grew into
+a shaky laugh, the First-Reader Class went wild.
+
+Then the Honourable Timothy arose to say good-by. He reiterated his
+praise of the singing and reading, the blackboard work and the moral
+tone. An awkward pause ensued, during which the Principal engaged the
+young Gonorowskys in impromptu conversation. The Honourable Tim crossed
+over to Miss Bailey's side and steadied himself for a great effort.
+
+"Teacher," he began meekly, "I tells you 'scuse. This sort of thing
+makes a man feel like a bull in a china shop. Do you think the little
+fellow will shake hands with me? I was really only joking."
+
+"But surely he will," said Miss Bailey, as she glanced down at the
+tangle of dark curls resting against her breast. "Morris, dear, aren't
+you going to say good-by to the gentleman?"
+
+Morris relaxed one hand from its grasp on his lady and bestowed it on
+Mr. O'Shea.
+
+"Good by," said he gently. "I gives you presents, from gold presents,
+the while you're friends mit Teacher. I'm loving much mit her too."
+
+At this moment the Principal turned, and Mr. O'Shea, in a desperate
+attempt to retrieve his dignity, began: "As to class management and
+discipline--"
+
+But the Principal was not to be deceived.
+
+"Don't you think, Mr. O'Shea," said he, "that you and I had better
+leave the management of the little ones to the women? You have noticed,
+perhaps, that this is Nature's method."
+
+
+
+
+WHEN A MAN'S WIDOWED
+
+
+
+It was a quarter past nine and Miss Bailey was calling the roll, an
+undertaking which, after months of daily practice, was still formidable.
+Beginning with Abraham Abrahamowsky and continuing through the alphabet
+to Solomon Zaracheck, the roll-call of the First-Reader Class was full
+of stumbling blocks and pitfalls. Teacher insisted upon absolute silence
+during the five minutes thus consumed, and so it chanced that the
+excitement of Miss Blake, bursting into Room 18 at this particular
+time, was thrown into strong relief against the prevailing peace.
+
+"Miss Bailey," began the ruffled sovereign of the room across the hall,
+"did the Principal speak to you about one of my boys being put back
+into your grade?"
+
+"Oh, yes; some weeks ago."
+
+"Well, he has been absent ever since, but he turned up this morning.
+Are you ready to take him now?"
+
+"But of course--How old is he?"
+
+"Nearly seven. Too old for your grade and too advanced, but the
+Principal wants you to have him because my boys laugh at him. His
+mother is dead, his sisters in an orphan asylum, and we thought that
+your little girls might have a civilizing influence over him."
+
+"Perhaps they may," Teacher cheerfully acquiesced. "Eva Gonorowsky
+alone would civilize a whole tribe of savages. Will you bring him to
+me?"
+
+The door of Room 17 was not quite closed, and from behind it came
+sounds of talking and of laughter. Miss Blake threw a few words upon
+the turmoil, and silence immediately ensued. Then said she: "Isidore
+Diamantstein, come here," and the only result was a slight titter.
+
+"Abie Fishhandler," she next commanded, "bring Diamantstein to Miss
+Bailey's room."
+
+The tittering increased and to it were added a scuffle and a sleepily
+fretful "Lemme be." A heavy footstep crossed the hall and the stalwart
+Abie Fishhandler stalked into Room 18, bearing the new boy in his arms.
+From his dusty unlaced shoes to his jungle of gleaming red hair, Isidore
+Diamantstein was inert, dirty, and bedraggled.
+
+"Oh, let him stand!" cried Miss Blake sharply. "Here, Diamantstein,
+what's the matter with you? This is Miss Bailey, your new teacher."
+
+"How do you do, Isidore?" said Miss Bailey, as she stooped and took
+his hand. Then she added quickly to Miss Blake: "He seems feverish.
+Is he ill?" "Perhaps he is," the other answered. "I never saw him so
+queer as he is this morning. You'd better let the doctor see him when
+he comes."
+
+But long before the eleven o'clock visit of the physician of the Board
+of Health, the illness of Isidore had reached its crisis. When Miss
+Bailey had established him in his new place he had seen nothing of his
+surroundings and had been quite deaf to the greetings, whether shy or
+jeering, with which the First-Reader Class had welcomed him. Left to
+his own devices, he had promptly laid his arms upon his desk and his
+head upon his arms. Five minutes passed. Ten minutes. Isidore's
+brilliant head still rested on his folded arms and Teacher felt that
+she must make some effort to comfort his wordless misery.
+
+"Isidore," she began, bending over him, "you won't have to stay here
+very long. You may go back to Miss Blake in a few days if you are good.
+So now, dear boy, cheer up!" But as she patted the shoulder nearest
+to her a long sigh quivered through the little body.
+
+"Now, don't do that," Miss Bailey urged. "Isidore, sit up nicely and
+let me look at you," and, slipping her hand beneath the chin, she
+turned the face up to hers. She was prepared for tear-drenched eyes
+and trembling lips but she found neither. Isidore's dark-lashed lids
+drooped heavily over his unseeing eyes, his head rolled loosely from
+side to side, and he began to slip, silently and unconsciously to the
+floor.
+
+Teacher, in wild alarm, bore him to an open window and sent Patrick
+Brennan in flying search of the Principal. A great revulsion shook her
+whenever she looked at the blank little face, but she never guessed
+the truth. Patrick's quest was short and the Principal's first glance
+sufficient.
+
+"Send for the janitor," he commanded, and then, "Miss Bailey, may I
+speak to you in the hall?"
+
+Teacher invested Morris Mogilewsky in the chair and the position of
+authority, sent Patrick for the janitor, and, strangely shaken, followed
+the Principal.
+
+"What is it?" she asked, miserably, when the door was closed. "What
+is the matter with that baby?"
+
+"Well," said the Principal kindly, "if you were more experienced you
+would be less shocked than I fear you are going to be. The child is
+simply and most abominably drunk."
+
+"Drunk!" gasped Miss Bailey. "Drunk! and not seven years old!"
+
+"Drunk," echoed the Principal. "Poor little chap! Did Miss Blake tell
+you the history?--The mother dead, the father away all day, no woman's
+care. Of course, the end will be the reformatory, but I wonder if we
+can do anything before that end is reached?"
+
+"Oh, it can't be quite hopeless!" cried Miss Bailey. "Please give him
+to me. But I want to see that father."
+
+"So you shall," the Principal assured her. "I shall send for him
+to-morrow to explain this. But he will be entirely at sea. I have him
+here every two or three weeks about one or other of his children--there
+are two boys in the upper grades--and the poor devil never can explain.
+However, I shall let you know when he is here."
+
+The morrow proved the Principal's surmise to have been correct. Mr.
+Lazarus Diamantstein stood in helpless and hopeless misery before a
+court of inquiry comprising the Principal, Miss Bailey, the physician
+of the Board of Health, a representative of the Gerry Society, the
+truant officer, the indignant janitor, and a policeman who had come
+to the school in reference to the florid language of his own small
+son, and, for scenic effect, was pressed into service. Mr. Diamantstein
+turned from one to another of these stern-faced officials and to each
+in turn he made his unaltered plea:
+
+"Mine leetle Izzie was a goot leetle boy. He don't never make like you
+says. Ach! never, never!"
+
+Again, for effect, scenic or moral, the Principal indicated one of the
+hostile figures of the court. "This gentleman," said he, "belongs to
+a society which will take charge of your son. Have you ever, Mr.
+Diamantstein, heard of the Gerry Society?"
+
+Poor Mr. Diamantstein cowered. In all the terrifying world in which
+he groped so darkly, the two forces against which he had been most
+often warned were the Board of Health, which might at any time and
+without notice wash out one's house and confiscate one's provisions;
+and the Gerry Society, which washed one's children with soap made from
+the grease of pigs, and fed them with all sorts of "traef" and unblessed
+meat.
+
+"Ach, no!" he implored. "Gott, no! You should not take and make so mit
+mine' leetle boy. He ain't a bad boy. He sure ain't."
+
+"Really, I don't think he is," Miss Bailey's cool and quiet voice
+interposed, and in a moment the harassed father was at her side
+pleading, extenuating, fawning.
+
+"That young lady," said the Principal, "is your only hope. If Miss
+Bailey--" Mr. Diamantstein interpreted this as an introduction and
+bowed most wonderfully--"If Miss Bailey will keep Isidore in her class
+he may stay in the school. If not, this gentleman--By the way, Miss
+Bailey, is he at school to-day?"
+
+"Oh, yes, and behaving beautifully. Perhaps his father would care to
+see him. Will you come with me, Mr. Diamantstein?"
+
+Yearnings to see the cause of all this trouble and sorrow were not
+very strong in the paternal bosom, but Mr. Diamantstein welcomed the
+opportunity to escape from officialdom and inquiry.
+
+As she led the way to Room 18, Teacher was again impressed by the
+furtive helplessness of the man. Living in a land whose language was
+well-nigh unintelligible to him, ruled and judged by laws whose
+existence he could learn only by breaking them, driven out of one
+country, unwelcomed in another, Mr. Diamantstein was indeed a wanderer
+and an outcast. Some note of sympathy found its way into Miss Bailey's
+efforts at conversation, and Mr. Diamantstein's quick ear detected it.
+The vision of Isidore in his new surroundings, the pictures and flowers,
+the swinging canary and the plaster casts, impressed him mightily,
+while Miss Bailey's evident and sincere interest in his efforts to do
+what he could for his boys took him entirely by surprise. He admonished
+Isidore to superhuman efforts towards the reformation which might keep
+him in this beautiful room and under the care of its lady, and, as he
+was about to return to his neglected sewing machine, he gave Miss
+Bailey all he had to give:
+
+"Say, Teacher," said he, with a wistful glance at his frail little
+son; "say, you want to lick Issie? Well, you can."
+
+"Oh, thank you very much, Mr. Diamantstein" returned Miss Bailey, while
+Isidore, thus bestowed, wept aloud, and required instant soothing.
+"That's very good of you, but I hope it won't be necessary."
+
+"Well," said the father generously, "so you _want_ lick, so you _can_
+lick." And so departed.
+
+Miss Bailey's new responsibility continued to behave beautifully. He
+was peacefully disposed towards the other boys, who feared and venerated
+him as a member of the "Clinton Street gang." He fell promptly captive
+to the dark and gentle charms of Eva Gonorowsky and to the calm dominion
+of Teacher. To the latter he showed a loving confidence which she met
+with a broad-minded tolerance, very wonderful to his eyes in a person
+of authority. She seemed really to understand the sweet reasonableness
+of the reminiscences with which he entertained her. And if she sometimes
+deplored the necessity of so much lying, stealing, fighting and late
+hours, well so, of late, did he. She asked him quite calmly one day
+what he had had for breakfast on the morning of his first day in Room
+18, and how he had chanced to be so drunk, and he, with true economy,
+answered two questions with one word:
+
+"Beer."
+
+"And where," asked Teacher, still carefully unimpressed "did you get
+it? From your father?"
+
+"Naw," said Isidore, whose manners were yet unformed "He don't never
+get no beer. He ain't got a can even."
+
+"Then where?"
+
+"To the s'loon--"
+
+"And which saloon?" Miss Bailey's quiet eyes betrayed no trace of her
+determination that the proprietor should suffer the full penalty of
+the law. "I thought little boys were not allowed into saloons."
+
+"Well," Isidore admitted, "I ain't gone in the s'loon. I tells the
+lady on our floor that my papa likes that she should lend her can und
+she says, 'He's welcome, all right.' Und I gives the can on a man what
+stands by the s'loon, und I says: 'My papa he has a sickness, und beer
+is healthy for him. On'y he couldn't to come for buy none. You could
+to take a drink for yourself.' Und the man says, 'Sure.' Und he gets
+the beer und takes the drink--a _awful_ big drink--und I sets by
+the curb und drinks what is in the can. It's awful nice for me."
+
+Miss Bailey's hope for any real or lasting moral change in Isidore was
+sadly shaken by this revelation. Six and a half years old and
+deliberately plotting and really enjoying a drunken debauch! Surely,
+the reformatory seemed inevitable. Suddenly she became conscious that
+the chain of circumstance in Isidore's recital was not complete.
+
+"But the money," she asked; "where did you get that?"
+
+Isidore's eyes were wells of candour as he answered: "Off a lady."
+
+"And why did she give it to you?"
+
+"'Cause I tells her my mamma lays on the hospital und I like I should
+buy her a orange on'y I ain't got no money for buy none."
+
+"Oh, Isidore!" cried Teacher, in a voice in which horror, pity,
+reproach, and wonder mingled. "And you have no mother!" And Isidore's
+answer was his professional whine, most heartrending and insincere.
+
+Gradually and carefully Teacher became slightly censorious and mildly
+didactic, and slowly Isidore Diamantstein came to forsake the paths
+of evil and to spend long afternoons in the serene and admiring
+companionship of Morris Mogilewsky, Patrick Brennan and Nathan
+Spiderwitz. But when, early in December, he found a stranded comic
+valentine and presented it, blushingly, to Eva Gonorowsky, Miss Bailey
+found that success was indeed most sweet.
+
+Mr. Diamantstein's visits to the school, directed with patient futility
+to the propitiation of the teachers of his older sons, always ended
+in a cheering little talk with the young ruler of Room 18. To her he
+confided his history, his difficulties, and his hopes. In return she
+gave him advice, encouragement, and, in moments of too pressing need,
+assistance. The need of this kind was, however, rare, for Mr.
+Diamantstein was an expert in one of the most difficult branches of
+the tailor's art, and his salary better than that of many of his
+fellows.
+
+Shortly after the incident of the valentine Mr. Diamantstein came to
+Room 18 in radiant array. His frock coat was new and of a wondrous
+fashion, his tan shoes were of superlative length and sharpness of
+toe, both his coat and vest were open to the lowest button and turned
+back to give due prominence to the bright blue shirt beneath. His hair
+shone in luxurious and oiled profusion, and in the collarless band of
+his shirt, a chaste diamond stud, not much larger than a butter-plate,
+flashed and shimmered through his curled black beard. It was luncheon
+lime, and Teacher was at liberty.
+
+"Say, Missis Pailey," he began, "what you think? I'm a loafer."
+
+"Did you give up your position?" asked Miss Bailey, "or did you lose
+it? You can easily get another, I hope."
+
+"You not understand," cried the guest eagerly. "I was one great big
+loafer," and he laid outstretched hands upon the blue bosom of his
+gala shirt; "one great big loafer man."
+
+"No, I'm afraid I don't understand," confessed Miss Bailey. "Tell me
+about it."
+
+"Vell, I was a vidder man," Mr. Diamantstein explained. "Mine vife she
+die. From long she die, und I'm a vidder man. But now I marry, maybe,
+again. I ain't no more a vidder man. I was a loafer on a beautiful
+yonge lady."
+
+"Oh! you're a lover, Mr. Diamantstein. Why, that's the best news I've
+heard for ages! And your new wife will take care of the boys. I am so
+glad!"
+
+"She's a beautiful yonge lady," the Lothario continued; "but easy
+scared! Oh, awful easy scared! So I don't tell her nothings over those
+devil boys."
+
+"Now, Mr. Diamantstein--" Teacher began admonishingly, but he
+interrupted.
+
+"I tells her like this: 'Say, ain't it nice? I got three leetle
+poys--awful nice leetle poys--no one ain't never seen no better leetle
+poys.' Und she says she won't marry mit me. Ain't I tell you how she's
+easy scared? But I tells her all times how my leetle poys is goot, how
+they makes for her the work, und the dinner, und the beds. Und now she
+says she will marry mit me und I'm a loafer on a beautiful yonge uptown
+lady."
+
+The wild gesticulations of Mr. Diamantstein during this account of his
+courtship and of its triumphant conclusion were wonderful to see. He
+stopped now, glowing and panting, and Teacher noticed, for the first
+time, that he was still a young man, and that there was some shadow
+of excuse for the reckless course of the "beautiful yonge uptown lady."
+
+"Mr. Diamantstein," she said heartily, "I wish you joy. I'm sure you
+deserve it, and I hope the young lady will be as good as she is
+beautiful. Bring her to see me some day, won't you?"
+
+"Sure," said Mr. Diamantstein politely.
+
+But ah, for the plans of mice and men! and oh, for the slip and the
+lip! Within that very week the airy castle of Mr. Diamantstein's hopes
+was shaken to its foundations. The cause was, of course, "them devil
+poys." Julius and Nathan Diamantstein were convicted of having stolen
+and offered for sale books, pencils, and paper, the property of the
+Board of Education. Isidore had acted as agent and was condemned as
+an accomplice. The father was sent for and the trio were expelled.
+
+Then deep was the grief of Miss Bailey, and wild was the wailing of
+Mr. Diamantstein. He tore his hair, he clung to the hem of Miss Bailey's
+garment and he noted incidentally that it was of "all from wool goods,"
+he cast his cherished derby upon the floor and himself upon her
+protection.
+
+"Say, Missis Pailey," he implored, "you do me the favour? You go on
+the Brincipal und you say like that: 'I give him five dollars, maybe,
+so he don't egspell them devil poys.'"
+
+"But he must," Teacher answered sadly. "It is the law. They must be
+expelled. But oh, Mr. Diamantstein, won't you try to take care of
+Isidore?"
+
+"Say, Missis Pailey," Mr. Diamantstein recommenced, "you do me the
+favour? You go on the Brincipal und you say like that: 'I give him
+five dollars, maybe, so he don't egspell the boys till the month.' It
+makes mit me then nothings."
+
+"You won't mind at the end of the month?" exclaimed Miss Bailey. "Why
+not?"
+
+"Well," said the lover tenderly, "it's over that beautiful yonge lady.
+She's awful easy scared! awful easy! Und sooner she knows them boys
+is egspell she don't marry no more mit me. On'y by the month she will
+be married already und nothings makes then nothings. Say, I gives you
+too, maybe, a nice present so you says like that on the Brincipal."
+
+But Mr. Diamantstein's lavish promises could avail nothing and the
+boys were doomed. Time passed and Isidore's place in Miss Bailey's
+kingdom was taken by another American citizen in the making, and the
+incident seemed closed.
+
+On an afternoon in the first week of February, Miss Bailey, Nathan
+Spiderwitz, and Morris Mogilewsky were busily putting Room 18 to rights,
+when a small boy, in an elaborate sailor costume, appeared before them.
+He was spotlessly clean and the handkerchief in the pocket of his
+blouse was dazzling in its white abundance. Upon his brow, soap-polished
+until it shone, there lay two smooth and sticky curves of auburn hair,
+and on his face there played a smile of happy recognition and repressed
+pride.
+
+Miss Bailey and her ministers stood at gaze until the new comer, with
+a glad cry of "Teacher, oh, mine Teacher," threw himself upon the lady,
+and then surprise gave place to joy.
+
+"Isidore, my dear boy; I'm so glad to see you! And how beautiful you
+look!" cried Teacher.
+
+"Beautiful and stylish," said Morris generously. "Sinkers on the necks
+und sleeves is stylish for boys," and he gazed longingly at the neatly
+embroidered anchors which adorned the sailor suit.
+
+"Oh, yes; suits mit sinkers is awful stylish. They could to cost three
+dollars. I seen 'em on Grand Street," said Nathan, and Isidore's heart
+beat high beneath the "sinker" on his breast.
+
+When the first transports of joy over the reunion had abated, Isidore
+explained his presence and his appearance.
+
+"My mamma," he began proudly, "she sets by the Principal's side und
+he says, like that, you should come for see my mamma. She's new."
+
+Teacher deftly patted her hair and stock into place, and set out in
+great interest and excitement to see the "beautiful yonge uptown lady."
+
+"Come, Isidore," she called.
+
+"Mine name ain't Isidore," he announced "Und it ain't Issie neither,
+but it's awful stylish. I gets it off my new mamma. It's a new name
+too."
+
+"Dear me," cried Miss Bailey. "What is it, then?"
+
+"I don't know," answered Isidore. "I couldn't to say it even."
+
+"Dear me!" cried Miss Bailey again, and hurried on.
+
+At the door of the Principal's office Teacher halted in puzzled
+surprise, for the first glance at the glowing face of the new mamma,
+and the first sound of her pleasant voice, proclaimed, beyond the
+shadow of a doubt, that Mrs. Lazarus Diamantstein the second was a
+buxom daughter of the Island of Saints. The little sailor climbed upon
+her lap, and the Principal introduced the matron to the maid. Miss
+Bailey said all that etiquette demanded and that interest prompted and
+Mrs. Diamantstein blushed prettily.
+
+"Thank you kindly," she answered.
+
+"You're very good, but I knew that before. Larry--me husband, you
+know--often told me how good you were to the child."
+
+"Ah, but you see," said Teacher, "I was very fond of Isidore."
+
+"That's not his name at all, Miss," said Mrs. Diamantstein decidedly.
+"That's a haythen name, and so I'm going to have him christened. Tell
+your name to the lady, allannah."
+
+Thus encouraged, Isidore toyed with a diamond stud, not much larger
+than a butter-plate, which glittered in the new shirtwaist of his new
+mamma, and uttered a perfectly unintelligible string of sounds.
+
+"See how well he knows it," said the parent proudly. "He says his name
+is Ignatius Aloysius Diamantstein. Think of him knowing it already and
+him not christened until next Sunday! I'll have them all christened
+at once by Father Burke, over at St. Mary's, and I came here to ask
+you two things. First, knowing the liking you have for the child, I
+ask you will you be godmother to Ignatius Aloysius?"
+
+Miss Bailey felt unable to cope, all unaided, with these sudden and
+bewildering changes. Isidore christened and Christianized! Isidore her
+godchild! She sought inspiration in the Principal, but his shoulders
+shook with unsympathetic mirth, and his face was turned away. Left to
+her own puzzled guidance, she answered:
+
+"Really, Mrs. Diamantstein, you are too good. I have been trying to
+take care of--of--"
+
+"Ignatius Aloysius," murmured the Principal. "Ye gods, and with that
+face!"
+
+"Of Ignatius," continued Miss Bailey, stifling a wild inclination
+towards unseemly laughter, "and I should be delighted to be his
+godmother, but--but--"
+
+"Well, then, that's settled, and thank you Miss. And now the other
+thing: Will you take Ignatius Aloysius back into your class? Larry
+told me how them three children wouldn't go to school for the longest
+time back, before I was married. Gettin' the little place ready for
+me, he says they were, and stayin' at home to do it. The darlin's! And
+lately I was too busy with one thing and another to bring them back.
+But now I've got Denis and Michael, me other two boys, entered over
+at the Christian Brothers' school. I was goin' to send the little
+fellow there too, but he cried to come to you. Won't you take him?"
+
+Miss Bailey appealed to the Principal. "Please," said she, "may I have
+my godson, Ignatius Aloysius, in my class?"
+
+"I shall try to arrange it so."
+
+Mrs. Diamantstein fixed grateful eyes on Teacher. "You're a good young
+lady," she repeated, with deep conviction. "And if one of them was a
+girl I'd call him after you. May I make so bold as to ask your name?"
+
+"Constance."
+
+"Well, now, that's grand. That's a beautiful name. Himself has two
+little girls in the orphans' home and I think I'll get one out and
+call it that. But, maybe, I won't. But anyway, the first one I get
+I'll call Constance, after you."
+
+When Mrs. Diamantstein had taken her decorous leave of the Principal,
+Miss Bailey and she walked to the great front door. As they reached
+it Mrs. Diamantstein reiterated her gratitude and added: "You'll be
+there at three o'clock, won't you, Miss? For we're to have a grand
+time at the party after the christening. Father Burke promised to come
+home to the little place with us, and Larry is goin' round now askin'
+his friends. And it's the queer owld friends he has, Miss, the queerest
+ever I seen, and with the queerest owld talk out of them. But sure,
+the little man will enjoy himself more if he has some of his own at
+the party."
+
+"And do you mean to tell me that the man is asking his Jewish friends
+to a Catholic christening?" remonstrated Miss Bailey, who had seen
+something of the racial antagonism which was rending all that district.
+
+"Sure, not at all, Miss," answered Mrs. Larry reassuringly. "Do you
+think I'd tell him what the party was for? What does the poor man know
+about christenings? and him, God help him, a haythen of a Jew. Make
+your mind easy, Miss; it'll just be a party to him. No more than that."
+
+"But he--all of them--will see Father Burke," Miss Bailey urged.
+
+"And who could they see that would do them more good?" demanded Mrs.
+Diamantstein belligerently. "Cock them up then. It's not often they'd
+be let into the one room with a saint of a man like that. They'll
+likely be the better of it for all the rest of their poor dark days."
+
+Teacher made one more effort towards fair play. "I think," she
+persisted, "that you ought to tell your husband what you intend to do.
+It would be dreadful if, after all your trouble, he should not let you
+change the boys' religion."
+
+"Let, indeed!" cried the bride warmly. "He can wait to do that until
+he's asked. I'd be long sorry to have a man like that with no bringing
+up of his own, as you might say, comin' between me and me duty in the
+sight of God. 'Let,' is it?" And the broad shoulders of Bridget
+Diamantstein stiffened while her clear eye flashed. "Well, I'm fond
+enough of that little man, but I'd break his sewin'-machine and dance
+on his derby before I'd see him bring up the darlin's for black
+Protestant Jews like himself."
+
+And across the space of many weeks, Mr. Diamantstein's voice rang again
+in Teacher's ears: "She's a beautiful yonge uptown lady, but easy
+scared. Oh, awful easy scared!"
+
+Well, love was ever blind.
+
+
+
+
+H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF HESTER STREET
+
+
+"It will be difficult," said Miss Bailey, gently insubordinate, "very
+difficult. I have already a register of fifty-eight and seats for only
+fifty. It is late in the term, too; the children read and write quite
+easily. And you say this new boy has never been at school?"
+
+"Never," admitted the Principal. "His people are rather distrustful
+of us. Some religious prejudice, I believe. They are the strictest of
+the strict. The grandfather is a Rabbi and has been educating the
+boy--an only child, by the way."
+
+"Put him in the kindergarten," Miss Bailey interjected hopefully.
+
+"No," answered the Principal, "he's too old for that."
+
+"Then let him wait until he can enter with the beginners in September.
+He will be really unhappy when he finds himself so far behind the
+others here."
+
+"I'm afraid I must ask you to take him now," the Principal persisted.
+"His father, the Assemblyman for this district, sees some advantage
+in sending his boy to school with the children of his supporters. But,
+of course, I shan't expect you to bring the child up to the grade.
+Just let him stay here and be happy. If you will send your roll-book
+to my office I will have him entered."
+
+And so it chanced, on an afternoon of early March, that the name of
+Isaac Borrachsohn was added--all unalphabetically--at the end of the
+roll-call of the First Reader Class.
+
+A writing lesson was in progress on the next morning when the new boy
+arrived. Miss Bailey, during her six months' reign over Room 18, had
+witnessed many first appearances, but never had charge of hers been
+borne into court on such a swelling tide of female relatives. The
+rather diminutive Teacher was engulfed in black-jetted capes, twinkling
+ear-rings, befeathered hats, warmly gleaming faces, and many flounced
+skirts, while the devoted eyes of the First Reader Class caught but
+fleeing glimpses of its sovereign between the red roses rising, quite
+without visible support, above agitated bonnets.
+
+Against this background Isaac glowed like a bird-of-paradise. The
+writing lesson halted. Bluntly pointed pencils paused in mid-air or
+between surprise-parted lips, and the First Reader Class drew deep
+breaths of awe and admiration: for the new boy wore the brightest and
+tightest of red velvet Fauntleroy suits, the most bouffant of underlying
+shirts, the deepest of lace collars, the most straightly cut of
+Anglo-Saxon coiffures, the most far-reaching of sailor hats. Sadie
+Gonorowsky, the haughty Sadie, paused open-eyed in her distribution
+of writing papers. Morris Mogilewsky, the gentle Morris, abstractedly
+bit off and swallowed a piece of the gold-fish food. Isidore
+Belchatosky, the exquisite Isidore, passed a stealthy hand over his
+closely cropped red head and knew that his reign was over.
+
+Miss Bailey determined, in view of the frightened expression in the
+new-comer's eyes, to forgive his inopportune enlistment. At her cordial
+words of welcome the alarm spread from his wide eyes to his trembling
+lips, and Teacher turned to the relatives to ask: "Doesn't he speak
+English?"
+
+There ensued much babbling and gesticulation. Isaac was volubly
+reproved, and then one of the younger and befeathered aunts made answer.
+
+"Sure does he. Only he was bashful, and when he should get sooner over
+it he English just like you speaks. Just like you he speaks. He is a
+good boy. Where is he goin' to sit? Where is his place?"
+
+Miss Bailey reflected with dismay that there was not an unassigned
+desk in the room. Fortunately, however, Patrick Brennan was absent on
+that morning--he was "making the mission" at St. Mary's church with
+his mother--and his queer assortment of string, buttons, pencil stumps,
+and a mute and battered mouth-organ, were swept into a drawer of
+Teacher's desk. Isaac was installed in this hastily created vacancy,
+the gratified relatives withdrew, and the writing lesson was resumed.
+
+When Isaac found himself cut entirely away from the maternal
+apron-strings, his impulse was towards the relief of tears, but his
+wandering gaze encountered the admiring eyes of Eva Gonorowsky and his
+aimless hand came in contact with the hidden store of chewing-gum with
+which the absent Patrick was won't to refresh himself, lightly attached
+to the under surface of the chair. Isaac promptly applied it to the
+soothing of his spirits, and decided that a school which furnished
+such dark and curly locked neighbours and such delectable sustenance
+was a pleasant place. So he accepted a long pencil from Sarah Schrodsky,
+and a sheet of paper from Sadie Gonorowsky, and fell to copying the
+writing on the board.
+
+While he laboured--quite unsuccessfully, since all his grandsire's
+instructions had been in Hebrew--Miss Bailey passed from desk to desk
+on a tour of inspection and exhortation, slightly annoyed and surprised
+to find that the excitement consequent upon Isaac Borrachsohn's
+introduction had not yet subsided. Eva Gonorowsky was flagrantly
+inattentive, and Teacher paused to point an accusing finger at the
+very erratic markings which she had achieved.
+
+"Eva," said she, "why do you keep your writing so very far from the
+line?"
+
+"I ain't so big," Eva responded meekly, "und so I makes mistakes. I
+tells you 'scuse."
+
+"Honey," responded Miss Bailey, her wrath quite turned away by this
+soft answer, "you could do beautifully if you would only look at the
+board instead of staring at the new boy."
+
+"Yiss ma'am," acquiesced Eva. "But, oh, Teacher, Missis Bailey, _ain't_
+he the sweet dude!"
+
+"Do you think so? Well, you need not stop writing to look at him,
+because you will be seeing him every day.
+
+"In this class? Oh, ain't that fine!" Eva whispered. "My, ain't his
+mamma put him on nice mit red-from-plush suits and stylish hair-cuts!"
+
+"Well, Isidore Belchatosky has a velvet suit," said the gentle-hearted
+Miss Bailey, as she noticed the miserable eyes of the deposed beau
+travelling from his own frayed sleeve to the scarlet splendour across
+the aisle.
+
+"But's it's black," sneered the small coquette, and Teacher was only
+just in time to snatch Isidore's faultless writing from the deluge of
+his bitter tears.
+
+When the First Reader Class filed down the yard for recess, Miss Bailey
+was disgusted to find that Isaac Borrachsohn's admiring audience
+increased until it included every boy in the school young enough to
+be granted these twenty minutes of relaxation during the long morning.
+He was led away to a distant corner, there to receive tribute of
+deference, marbles, candy, tops, and political badges. But he spoke
+no word. Silently and gravely he held court. Gravely and silently he
+suffered himself to be led back to Room 18. Still silently and still
+gravely he went home at twelve o'clock.
+
+At a quarter before one on that day, while Morris Mogilewsky and Nathan
+Spiderwitz, Monitors of Gold-Fish and Window Boxes, were waiting
+dejectedly for the opening of the school doors and reflecting that
+they must inevitably find themselves supplanted in their sovereign's
+regard--for Teacher, though an angel, was still a woman, and therefore
+sure to prefer gorgeously arrayed ministers--there entered to them
+Patrick Brennan, fortified by the morning's devotion, and reacting
+sharply against the morning's restraint.
+
+"Fellars," he began jubilantly; "I know where we can hook a banana.
+And the Ginney's asleep. Come on!"
+
+His colleagues looked at him with lack-lustre eyes. "I don't need no
+bananas," said Morris dispiritedly. "They ain't so awful healthy fer
+me."
+
+"Me too," Nathan agreed. "I et six once und they made me a sickness."
+
+"Bananas!" urged Patrick. "Bananas, an' the man asleep! What's the
+matter with ye anyway?"
+
+"There's a new boy in our class," Morris answered. "Und he's a dude.
+Und Teacher's lovin' mit him."
+
+"Und he sets in your place," added Nathan.
+
+"I'll break his face if he tries it again," cried Patrick hotly. "Who
+let him sit there?"
+
+"Teacher," wailed Morris. "Ain't I tell you how she's lovin' mit him?"
+
+"And where's all _my_ things?" Patrick demanded with pardonable
+curiosity. "Where am I to sit?"
+
+"She makes you should set by her side," Morris reassured him. "Und
+keep your pencil in her desk. It could be awful nice fer you. You sets
+right by her."
+
+"I'll try it for a day or two," said Patrick grandly. "I'll see how
+I'll like it."
+
+For the first hour he liked it very well. It was fun to sit beside
+Miss Bailey, to read from her reader, to write at her desk, to look
+grandly down upon his fellows, and to smile with condescension upon
+Eva Gonorowsky. But when Teacher opened her book of Fairy Tales and
+led the way to the land of magic Patrick discovered that the chewing
+gum, with which he was accustomed to refresh himself on these journeys,
+was gone. Automatically he swept his hand across the under surface of
+his chair. It was not there. He searched the drawer in which his
+treasures had been bestowed. Nor there. He glanced at the usurper in
+his rightful place, and saw that the jaws of Isaac moved rhythmically
+and placidly. Hot anger seized Patrick. He rose deliberately upon his
+sturdy legs and slapped the face of that sweet dude so exactly and
+with such force that the sound broke upon the quiet air like the crack
+of a revolver. Teacher, followed by the First Reader Class, rushed
+back from Fairy Land, and the next few minutes were devoted to
+separating the enraged Patrick from the terrified Isaac, who, in the
+excitement of the onslaught, had choked upon the _casus belli_,
+and could make neither restitution nor explanation. When Isaac was
+reduced, at the cost of much time and petting on Miss Bailey's part,
+to that stage of consolation in which departing grief takes the form
+of loud sobs, closely resembling hiccoughs and as surprising to the
+sufferer as to his sympathizers, Patrick found himself in universal
+disfavour. The eyes of the boys, always so loyal, were cold. The eyes
+of the girls, always so admiring, were reproachful. The eyes of Miss
+Bailey, always so loving, were hard and angry. Teacher professed herself
+too grieved and surprised to continue the interrupted story, and Patrick
+was held responsible for the substitution of a brisk mental arithmetic
+test in which he was easily distanced by every boy and girl in the
+room. But Isaac was still silent. No halcyon suggestion beginning,
+"Suppose I were to give you a dollar and you spent half of it for
+candy," no imaginary shopping orgie, could tempt him into speech.
+
+It was nearly three o'clock when at last he found his voice. In an
+idle inspection of his new desk he came upon one of those combinations
+of a pen, a pencil, and an eraser, which gladden the young and aggravate
+the old. It was one of Patrick's greatest treasures and had long been
+Eva's envious desire, and now Patrick, chained to the side of his
+indignant Teacher, saw this precious, delicate, and stubborn mechanism
+at the mercy of his clumsy successor. Isaac wrenched and twisted without
+avail; Patrick's wrath grew dark; Eva shyly proffered assistance;
+Patrick's jealousy flamed hot. And then, before Patrick's enraged eyes,
+Eva and Isaac tore the combination of writing implements to fragments,
+in their endeavour to make it yield a point. Patrick darted upon the
+surprised Isaac like an avenging whirlwind, and drove a knotty little
+fist into the centre of the Fauntleroy costume. And then, quite
+suddenly, Isaac lifted up his voice:
+
+"Don't you dast to touch me," he yelled, "you--Krisht fool."
+
+Miss Bailey sprang to her feet, but before she could reach the offender
+he had warmed to his work and was rolling off excerpts from remarks
+which he had heard at his father's club-rooms. These were, of course,
+in Hebrew, but after much hissing and many gutturals, he arrived,
+breathless, at the phrase as Anglo-Saxon as his hair:
+
+"You be--! Go to--!"
+
+[Illustration: "DON'T YOU DAST TO TOUCH ME," HE YELLED]
+
+[Illustration: "LOOK AT YOUR BACK!"]
+
+Of all Miss Bailey's rules for the government of her kingdom the most
+stringent were against blasphemy. Never had her subjects seen their
+gentle lady so instinct with wrath as she was when holding the wriggling
+arm of Patrick with one hand and the red plush shoulder of Isaac with
+the other, she resumed her place in the chair of authority. She leaned
+forward until her eyes, angry and determined, were looking close into
+Patrick's, and began:
+
+"You first. You commenced this thing. Now listen. If you ever touch
+that boy again--I don't care for what reason--I will whip you. Here,
+before the whole class, I shall spank you. Do you understand?"
+
+"Yes," said Patrick.
+
+"And now you," turning quickly to Isaac. "If you ever again dare to
+say bad words in this room I shall wash out the mouth you soil in
+saying them. Do you understand?"
+
+Isaac was silent.
+
+"Do you understand?" repeated Miss Bailey. Isaac spoke no word; gave
+no sign of comprehension.
+
+"Morris," called Teacher, "come and tell him that in Jewish for me,"
+and Morris, with many halts and shy recoilings, whispered a few words
+into the ear of Isaac, who remonstrated volubly.
+
+"He says he ain't said no bad word," the interpreter explained. "His
+papa says like that on his mamma, and his mamma says like that on his
+papa. Fer him, that ain't no bad word."
+
+"It is a bad word here," said Teacher inexorably. "Tell him I'll wash
+out his mouth if he says it again."
+
+Miss Bailey was so ruffled and disgusted by the course of events that
+she allowed only the Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl to stay with her
+after school that afternoon. When readers were counted and put upon
+shelves, charts furled, paint brushes washed, pencils sharpened, and
+blackboards cleaned, Morris pressed close to his lady and whispered:
+
+"Say, Teacher, I should tell you somethings."
+
+"Well, then, old man, tell it."
+
+"Teacher, it's like this; I ain't tell Ikey, out of Jewish, how you
+says you should wash out his mouth."
+
+"You didn't tell him? And why not, pray?"
+
+"Well," and Morris's tone, though apologetic, was self-righteous, "I
+guess you don't know about Ikey Borrachsohn."
+
+"I know he said two very bad things. Of course, I did not understand
+the Jewish part. What did he say? Did you know?"
+
+"Sure did I, on'y I wouldn't to tell it out. It ain't fer you. It ain't
+no fer-ladies word."
+
+Miss Bailey patted her small knight's hand. "Thank you, Morris," she
+said simply. "And so it was bad?"
+
+"Fierce."
+
+"Very well; I shall ask some other boy to tell him that I shall wash
+out his mouth."
+
+"Well," Morris began as before, "I guess you don't know 'bout Isaac
+Borrachsohn. You dassent to wash out his mouth, 'cause his grandpa's
+a Rabbi."
+
+"I know he is. Is that any reason for Isaac's swearing?"
+
+"His papa," Morris began in an awed whisper, "his papa's the King of
+Hester Street."
+
+"Well," responded Teacher calmly, "that makes no difference to me. No
+one may swear in this room. And now, Morris, you must run home. Your
+mother will be wondering where you are."
+
+Three minutes later Morris's dark head reappeared. His air was deeply
+confidential. "Teacher, Missis Bailey," he began, "I tells you 'scuse."
+
+"Well, dear, what is it?" asked Miss Bailey with divided interest, as
+she adjusted a very large hat with the guidance of a very small
+looking-glass. "What do you want?"
+
+Again Morris hesitated. "I guess," he faltered; "I guess you don't
+know 'bout Isaac Borrachsohn."
+
+"What has happened to him? Is he hurt?"
+
+"It's his papa. Ain't I told you he's the King of Hester Street und
+he's got dancing balls. My mamma und all the ladies on our block they
+puts them on stylish und goes on the ball. Und ain't you see how he's
+got a stylish mamma mit di'monds on the hair?"
+
+"Yes," admitted Miss Bailey, "I saw the diamonds." Not to have seen
+the paste buckle which menaced Mrs. Borrachsohn's left eye would have
+been to be blind indeed.
+
+"Und extra, you says you should wash out his mouth," Morris
+remonstrated. "I guess, maybe, you fools."
+
+"You'll see," said Miss Bailey blithely. "And now trot along, my dear.
+Good afternoon."
+
+Teacher hurried into her jacket and was buttoning her gloves when the
+Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl looked timidly in.
+
+"What now?" asked Teacher.
+
+"Well," said Morris, and breathed hard,
+
+"I guess you don't know 'bout Isaac Borrachsohn."
+
+Miss Bailey fell away into helpless laughter. "That would not be your
+fault, honey, even if it were true," she said. "But what has he been
+doing since I saw you?"
+
+"It's his papa," answered Morris. "His papa's got p'rades."
+
+"He has what?"
+
+"P'rades."
+
+"And are they very bad? I never heard of them."
+
+"You don't know what is p'rades?" cried Morris. "Won't your mamma leave
+you see them?"
+
+"What are they?" asked Teacher. "Did you ever see them?"
+
+"Sure I seen p'rades. My papa he takes me in his hand und I stands by
+the curb und looks on the p'rade. It goes by night. Comes mans und
+comes cops und comes George Wash'ton und comes Ikey Borrachsohn's papa,
+mit proud looks--he makes polite bows mit his head on all the peoples,
+und comes Teddy Rosenfelt. Und comes cows und more cops und ladies und
+el'fints, und comes Captain Dreyfus und Terry McGovern. Und comes mans,
+und mans, und mans--a great big all of mans--und they says: 'What's
+the matter with Ikey Borrachsohn's papa?'--he ain't got no sickness,
+Miss Bailey, on'y it's polite you say like that on p'rades. Und more
+mans they says: 'Nothings is mit him. He's all right!' That is what
+is p'rades. Ikey's papa's got them, und so you _dassent_ to wash
+out his mouth."
+
+"One more bad word," was Teacher's ultimatum; "one more and then I'll
+do it."
+
+Miss Bailey's commands were not lightly disregarded, and Patrick Brennan
+spent the ensuing week in vain endeavour to reconcile himself to a
+condition of things in which he, the first born of the policeman on
+the beat, and therefore by right of heredity a person of importance
+in the realm, should tamely submit to usurpation and insult on the
+part of this mushroom sprig of moneyed aristocracy, this sissy kid in
+velvet pants, this long-haired dummy of an Isaac Borrachsohn. Teacher
+could not have meant to cut him off from all hope of vengeance. If she
+had--then she must be shown that the honour of the house of Brennan
+was a thing beyond even her jurisdiction. A Brennan had been insulted
+in his person and in his property. Of course, he must have satisfaction.
+
+If Morris could have known that Patrick, of whom he was so fond, was
+plotting evil against the heir-apparent to the throne of Hester Street,
+he might have persuaded that scion of the royal house of Munster to
+stay his hand. But the advice of Patrick pere had always been: "Lay
+low until you see a good chanst, an' then sock it to 'em good and
+plenty." So Patrick fils bided his time and continued to "make the
+mission" with his pious mother.
+
+After his initial speech in his English, so like Miss Bailey's, Isaac
+Borrachsohn resumed his cloak of silence and spoke no more of the
+language of the land. Even in his own tongue he was far from garrulous.
+And yet his prestige continued to increase, his costumes grew ever
+more gorgeous, and his slaves--both male and female--daily more
+numerous. In reading and in "Memory Gems" his progress was, under the
+veil of speechlessness, imperceptible, but in writing and in all the
+prescribed branches of Manual Training he acquired a proficiency which
+made it impossible to return him to his royal sire. Gradually it was
+borne in upon Miss Bailey that she had met her Waterloo--a child who
+would have none of her. All her attempts at friendliness were met by
+the same stolid silence, the same impersonal regard, until in
+desperation, she essayed a small store of German phrases, relics of
+her sophomore days. Six faulty sentences, with only the most remote
+bearing upon the subject in hand, were more efficacious than volumes
+of applied psychology, and the reserve of Isaac Borrachsohn vanished
+before the rising conviction that Teacher belonged to his own race.
+How otherwise, he demanded, could she speak such beautiful Hebrew?
+When Morris translated this tribute to Patrick, a flame of anger and
+of hope lit up that Celtic soul. Such an accusation brought against
+Miss Bailey, whom he had heard his noble father describe as "one of
+ourselves, God bless her!" was bitter to hear, but the Knight of Munster
+comforted himself with the conviction that Teacher would no longer
+shield the sissy from the retribution he now had doubly earned. But
+it should be a retribution fitted to the offender and in proportion
+to the offence. Long experience of Jewish playfellows had taught Patrick
+a revenge more fiendish than a beating, a ducking, a persecution by
+"de gang," or a confiscation of goods and treasures. All of these were
+possible and hard to bear, but for Isaac's case something worse was
+needed. He should be branded with a cross! Fortune, after weeks of
+frowning, was with Patrick on that warm April afternoon. Isaac was
+attired in a white linen costume so short of stocking and of
+knickerbockers as to exhibit surprising area of fat leg, so fashionable
+in its tout ensemble as to cause Isidore Belchatosky to weep aloud,
+so spotless as to prompt Miss Bailey to shield it with her own "from
+silk" apron when the painting lesson commenced. Patrick Brennan had
+obeyed his father's injunction to "lay low" so carefully that Teacher
+granted a smiling assent to his plea to be allowed to occupy the place,
+which chanced to be empty, immediately behind Isaac's.
+
+On each little desk Miss Bailey, assisted by her whole corps of
+monitors, placed a sheet of drawing paper, a little pan containing
+India ink dissolved in water, and a fat Japanese paint brush. The class
+was delighted, for, with the possible exception of singing, there was
+no more popular occupation. Briskly the First Reader Class fell to
+work. Carefully they dipped brushes in ink. Bravely they commenced to
+draw. Teacher passed from desk to desk encouraging the timid,
+restraining the rash.
+
+Patrick dug his brush deep down into his ink, lifted it all wet and
+dripping, cast a furtive glance at Teacher's averted head, and set
+stealthily to work at the bent and defenceless back of Isaac
+Borrachsohn's spotless suit. From shoulder to shoulder he drew a thick
+black mark. Then another from straight cropped hair to patent leather
+belt. Mrs. Borrachsohn belonged to the school of mothers who believed
+in winter underwear until the first of June, and Isaac felt nothing.
+But Eva Gonorowsky saw and shuddered, hiding her eyes from the symbol
+and the desecration. Patrick glowered at her, filled his brush again,
+bent quickly down, and branded the bare and mottled legs of his enemy
+with two neatly crossed strokes.
+
+In an instant the room was in an uproar. Patrick, his face and hands
+daubed with ink, was executing a triumphant war-dance around Isaac,
+who, livid and inarticulate with rage, was alternately struggling for
+words and making wondrous Delsartean attempts to see his outraged back.
+
+"I socked it to you good and plenty!" chanted Patrick in shrill victory.
+"Look at your back! Look at your leg! It's ink! It won't come off! It
+will never come off! Look at your back!"
+
+Miss Bailey clanged the bell, caught Patrick by the waist-line, thrust
+him under her desk, fenced him in with a chair, and turned to Isaac
+who had only just realized the full horror of his plight. Isidore
+Belchatosky and Eva Gonorowsky had torn off the white tunic--thereby
+disclosing quantities of red flannel--and exhibited its desecrated
+back. And speech, English speech returned to the Prince of Hester
+Street. Haltingly at first, but with growing fluency he cursed and
+swore and blasphemed; using words of whose existence Teacher had never
+heard or known and at whose meaning she could but faintly guess. Eva
+began to whimper; Nathan lifted shocked eyes to Teacher; Patrick kicked
+away the barricading chair and, still armed with the inky brush, sprang
+into the arena, and it was not until five minutes later that gentle
+peace settled down on Room 18.
+
+Miss Bailey had received full parental authority from the policeman
+on the beat and she felt that the time for its exercise had come.
+
+"Patrick," she commanded. "Position!" And the Leader of the Line stood
+forth stripped of his rank and his followers, but not of his dauntless
+bearing.
+
+Teacher, with a heavy heart, selected the longest and lightest of her
+rulers and the review continued.
+
+"Hips firm!" was the next command, and Patrick's grimy hands sprang
+to his hips.
+
+"Trunk forward--bend!" Patrick doubled like a jack-knife and Miss
+Bailey did her duty.
+
+When it was over she was more distressed than was her victim. "Patrick,
+I'm so sorry this happened," said she. "But you remember that I warned
+you that I should whip you if you touched Isaac. Well, you did and I
+did. You know--all the children know--that I always keep my word."
+
+"Yiss ma'an," murmured the frightened First Reader Class.
+
+"Always?" asked Patrick.
+
+"Always," said Miss Bailey.
+
+"Then wash out his mouth," said Patrick, pointing to the gloating
+Isaac, who promptly ceased from gloating.
+
+"Oh, that reminds me," cried Teacher, "of something I want you to do.
+Will you tell Isaac you are sorry for spoiling his new suit?"
+
+"Sure," answered Patrick readily. "Say, Isaac, I'm sorry. Come and git
+your mouth washed."
+
+"Well," Miss Bailey temporized, "his clothes are ruined. Don't you
+think you could forgive him without the washing?"
+
+"Sure," answered Patrick again. "Ain't it too bad that you can't, too!
+But you said it and now you've got to do it. Like you did about me,
+you know. Where's the basin? I'll fill it."
+
+Teacher was fairly trapped, but, remembering that Isaac's provocation
+had been great, she determined to make the ordeal as bearable as
+possible. She sent for some water, selected a piece of appetizing rose
+pink soap, a relic of her Christmas store, and called Isaac, who, when
+he guessed the portent of all these preliminaries, suffered a shocking
+relapse into English. Nerved by this latest exhibition, Miss Bailey
+was deaf to the wails of Isaac and unyielding to the prayers and
+warnings of Morris and to the frantic sympathy of Eva Gonorowsky.
+
+"Soap ain't fer us," Morris cried. "It ain't fer us. We don't ever
+make like you makes mit soap!"
+
+"I noticed that," said Teacher dryly. "I really think you are afraid
+of soap and water. When I finish with Isaac you will all see how good
+it is for boys and girls to be washed."
+
+"But not in the mouth! Oh, Missis Bailey, soap in the mouth ain't fer
+us."
+
+"Nonsense, honey," answered Teacher; "it will only clean his teeth and
+help him to remember not to say nasty words." And, all unaware of the
+laws of "kosher" and of "traef," the distinctions between clean and
+unclean, quite as rigorous as, and much more complicated than, her
+own, Constance Bailey washed out the mouth of her royal charge, and,
+it being then three o'clock, dismissed her awed subjects and went
+serenely home.
+
+On his progress towards the palace of his sire, Isaac Borrachsohn,
+with Christian symbols printed large upon his person, alienated nine
+loyal Hebrew votes from his father's party and collected a following
+of small boys which nearly blocked the narrow streets. The crosses
+were bad enough, but when it was made clear that the contamination,
+in the form of bright pink soap, had penetrated to the innermost
+recesses of the heir of the Barrachsohns, the aunts, in frozen horror,
+turned for succour and advice to the Rabbi. But he could only confirm
+their worst fears. "Soap," said he, "is from the fat of pigs. Our boy
+is defiled. To-morrow he must be purified at the synagogue. I told you
+it was a Christian school."
+
+Then did the Assemblyman quail before the reproach of his women. Then
+did he bite his nails in indecision and remorse and swear to be revenged
+upon the woman who had dared so to pollute his son. Then did Isaac
+weep continuously, noisily, but ineffectually for, on the morrow, to
+the synagogue he went.
+
+Miss Bailey, when she saw that he was absent, was mildly
+self-reproachful and uneasy. If she could have known of the long and
+complicated rites and services which she had brought upon the boy who
+had been entrusted to her to be kept happy and out of mischief, she
+might not have listened so serenely to the janitor's announcement two
+days later.
+
+"Borrachsohn and a whole push of women, and an old bird with a beard,
+are waitin' for you in the boys' yard," he whispered with great
+_empressement_. "I sent them there," he explained, "because they
+wouldn't fit anywhere else. There's about a hundred of them."
+
+Mr. Borrachsohn's opening remark showed that the force of Isaac's speech
+was hereditary. "Are you the --- --- young woman who's been playing
+such fool tricks with my son? You'll wish you minded your own ---
+business before I get through with you."
+
+The belligerent attitude was reflected by the phalanx of female
+relatives, whose red roses waved in defiance now, as they had nodded
+in amity a few short weeks before. For an instant Teacher did not grasp
+the full meaning of Mr. Borrachsohn's greeting. Then suddenly she
+realized that this man, this trafficker in the blood and the honour
+of his people, had dared to swear at her, Constance Bailey. When her
+eyes met those of the Assemblyman he started slightly, and placed Isaac
+between him and this alarming young person who seemed not at all to
+realize that he could "break her" with a word.
+
+"Is this your child?" she demanded. And he found himself answering
+meekly:
+
+"Yes ma'an."
+
+"Then take him away," she commanded. "He is not fit to be with decent
+children. I refuse to teach him."
+
+"You can't refuse," said Mr. Borrachsohn. "It is the law--"
+
+[Illustration: "YOU'LL WISH YOU MINDED YOUR OWN --- BUSINESS BEFORE
+I GET THROUGH WITH YOU"]
+
+[Illustration: Morris Mogilewsky]
+
+"Law!" repeated Teacher. "What is the law to you?" She was an open-eyed
+young person; she had spent some months in Mr. Borrachsohn's district;
+she had a nasty energy of phrase; and the King of Hester Street has
+never translated the ensuing remarks to the wife of his bosom nor to
+the gentle-eyed old Rabbi who watched, greatly puzzled by his ideal
+of a Christian persecutor and this very different reality. Gradually
+the relatives saw that the accuser had become the accused, but they
+were hardly prepared to see him supplicating and even unsuccessfully.
+
+"No, I won't take him. I tell you his language is awful. I can't let
+the other children hear him."
+
+"But I shall see that he swears no more. We taught him for a joke.
+I'll stop him."
+
+"I'm afraid you can't."
+
+"Well, you try him. Try him for two weeks. He is a good boy; he will
+swear no more."
+
+"Very well," was Teacher's ungracious acquiescence; "I shall try him
+again. And if he should swear--"
+
+"You will not wash out his mouth--"
+
+"I shall, and this time I shall use hot water and sapolio and washing
+soda."
+
+Mr. Borrachsohn smiled blandly and turned to explain this dictum to
+his clan. And the dazed Miss Bailey saw the anger and antagonism die
+out of the faces before her and the roses above them, heard Mr.
+Borrachsohn's gentle, "We would be much obliged if you will so much
+accommodate us," saw the Rabbi lift grateful eyes to the ceiling and
+clasp his hands, saw Mrs. Borrachsohn brush away a tear of joy, and
+felt Isaac's soft and damp little palm placed within her own by the
+hand of his royal sire, saw the jetted capes, the flounced skirts, and
+befeathered hats follow the blue and brass buttons of the janitor, the
+broadcloth of the Assemblyman and the alpaca of the Rabbi, heard the
+door close with a triumphant bang, saw the beaming face of the returning
+janitor, and heard his speech of congratulation:
+
+"I heard it all; I was afraid to leave you alone with them. Will you
+excuse me, Miss Bailey, if I just pass the remark that you're a living
+wonder?"
+
+Still densely puzzled and pondering as to whether she could hope ever
+to understand these people, she sought the Principal and told him the
+whole story. "And now why," she asked, "did he make such a fuss about
+the washing only to yield without a struggle at the end?"
+
+The Principal laughed. "You are mistaken," said he. "Mr. Borrachsohn
+gained his point and you most gracefully capitulated."
+
+"I," cried Teacher; "I yield to that horrid man! Never! I said I should
+use soda and sapolio--"
+
+"Precisely," the Principal acquiesced. "And both soda and sapolio are
+kosher--lawful, clean. Miss Bailey, oh, Miss Bailey, you can never
+be haughty and lofty again, for you met 'that horrid man' in open battle
+and went weakly down before him."
+
+
+
+
+THE LAND OF HEART'S DESIRE
+
+
+
+Isaac Borrachsohn, that son of potentates and of Assemblymen, had been
+taken to Central Park by a proud uncle. For weeks thereafter he was
+the favourite bard of the First Reader Class and an exceeding great
+trouble to its sovereign, Miss Bailey, who found him now as garrulous
+as he had once been silent. There was no subject in the Course of Study
+to which he could not correlate the wonders of his journey, and Teacher
+asked herself daily and in vain whether it were more pedagogically
+correct to encourage "spontaneous self-expression" or to insist upon
+"logically essential sequence."
+
+But the other members of the class suffered no such uncertainty. They
+voted solidly for spontaneity in a self which found expression thus:
+
+"Und in the Central Park stands a water-lake, und in the water-lake
+stands birds--a big all of birds--und fishes. Und sooner you likes you
+should come over the water-lake you calls a bird, und you sets on the
+bird, und the bird makes go his legs, und you comes over the
+water-lake."
+
+"They could to be awful polite birds," Eva Gonorowsky was beginning
+when Morris interrupted with:
+
+"I had once a auntie und she had a bird, a awful polite bird; on'y
+sooner somebody calls him he _couldn't_ to come the while he sets
+in a cage."
+
+"Did he have a rubber neck?" Isaac inquired, and Morris reluctantly
+admitted that he had not been so blessed.
+
+"In the Central Park," Isaac went on, "all the birds is got rubber
+necks."
+
+"What colour from birds be they?" asked Eva.
+
+"All colours. Blue und white und red und yellow."
+
+"Und green," Patrick Brennan interjected determinedly. "The green ones
+is the best."
+
+"Did you go once?" asked Isaac, slightly disconcerted.
+
+"Naw, but I know. Me big brother told me."
+
+"They could to be stylish birds, too," said Eva wistfully. "Stylish
+und polite. From red und green birds is awful stylish for hats."
+
+"But these birds is big. Awful big! Mans could to ride on 'em und
+ladies und boys."
+
+"Und little girls, Ikey? Ain't they fer little girls?" asked the only
+little girl in the group. And a very small girl she was, with a softly
+gentle voice and darkly gentle eyes fixed pleadingly now upon the bard.
+
+"Yes," answered Isaac grudgingly; "sooner they sets by somebody's side
+little girls could to go. But sooner nobody holds them by the hand
+they could to have fraids over the rubber-neck-boat-birds und the
+water-lake, und the fishes."
+
+"What kind from fishes?" demanded Morris Mogilewsky, Monitor of Miss
+Bailey's Gold-Fish Bowl, with professional interest.
+
+"From gold fishes und red fishes und black fishes"--Patrick stirred
+uneasily and Isaac remembered--"und green fishes; the green ones is
+the biggest; und blue fishes und _all_ kinds from fishes. They lives way
+down in the water the while they have fraids over the rubber-neck-boat-
+birds. Say, what you think? Sooner a rubber-neck-boat-bird needs he
+should eat he longs down his neck und eats a from gold fish."
+
+"'Out fryin'?" asks Eva, with an incredulous shudder.
+
+"Yes, 'out fryin'. Ain't I told you little girls could to have fraids
+over 'em? Boys could to have fraids too," cried Isaac; and then spurred
+on by the calm of his rival, he added: "The rubber-neck-boat-birds
+they hollers somethin' fierce."
+
+"I wouldn't be afraid of them. Me pop's a cop," cried Patrick stoutly.
+"I'd just as lief set on 'em. I'd like to."
+
+"Ah, but you ain't seen 'em, und you ain't heard 'em holler," Isaac
+retorted.
+
+"Well, I'm goin' to. An' I'm goin' to see the lions an' the tigers an'
+the el'phants, an' I'm goin' to ride on the water-lake."
+
+"Oh, how I likes I should go too!" Eva broke out. O-o-oh, _how_ I likes
+I should look on them things! On'y I don't know do I need a ride on
+somethings what hollers. I don't know be they fer me."
+
+"Well, I'll take ye with me if your mother leaves you go," said Patrick
+grandly. "An' ye can hold me hand if ye're scared."
+
+"Me too?" implored Morris. "Oh, Patrick, c'n I go too?"
+
+"I guess so," answered the Leader of the Line graciously. But he turned
+a deaf ear to Isaac Borrachsohn's implorings to be allowed to join the
+party. Full well did Patrick know of the grandeur of Isaac's holiday
+attire and the impressionable nature of Eva's soul, and gravely did
+he fear that his own Sunday finery, albeit fashioned from the blue
+cloth and brass buttons of his sire, might be outshone.
+
+At Eva's earnest request, Sadie, her cousin, was invited, and Morris
+suggested that the Monitor of the Window Boxes should not be slighted
+by his colleagues of the goldfish and the line. So Nathan Spiderwitz
+was raised to Alpine heights of anticipation by visions of a window
+box "as big as blocks and streets," where every plant, in contrast to
+his lanky charges, bore innumerable blossoms. Ignatius Aloysius
+Diamantstein was unanimously nominated a member of the expedition; by
+Patrick, because they were neighbours at St. Mary's Sunday-school; by
+Morris, because they were classmates under the same Rabbi at the
+synagogue; by Nathan, because Ignatius Aloysius was a member of the
+"Clinton Street gang"; by Sadie, because he had "long pants sailor
+suit"; by Eva, because the others wanted him.
+
+Eva reached home that afternoon tingling with anticipation and
+uncertainty. What if her mother, with one short word, should close
+forever the gates of joy and boat-birds? But Mrs. Gonorowsky met her
+small daughter's elaborate plea with the simple question:
+
+"Who pays you the car-fare?"
+
+"Does it need car-fare to go?" faltered Eva.
+
+"Sure does it," answered her mother. "I don't know how much, but some
+it needs. Who pays it?"
+
+"Patrick ain't said."
+
+"Well, you should better ask him," Mrs. Gonorowsky advised, and, on
+the next morning, Eva did. She thereby buried the leader under the
+ruins of his fallen castle of clouds, but he struggled through them
+with the suggestion that each of his guests should be her, or his, own
+banker.
+
+"But ain't you got _no_ money 't all?" asked the guest of honour.
+
+"Not a cent," responded the host. "But I'll get it. How much have you?"
+
+"A penny. How much do I need?"
+
+"I don't know. Let's ask Miss Bailey."
+
+School had not yet formally begun and Teacher was reading. She was
+hardly disturbed when the children drove sharp elbows into her shoulder
+and her lap, and she answered Eva's--"Missis Bailey--oh, Missis Bailey,"
+with an abstracted--"Well dear?"
+
+"Missis Bailey, how much money takes car-fare to the Central Park?"
+
+Still with divided attention, Teacher replied--"Five cents, honey,"
+and read on, while Patrick called a meeting of his forces and made
+embarrassing explanations with admirable tact.
+
+There ensued weeks of struggle and economy for the exploring party,
+to which had been added a chaperon in the large and reassuring person
+of Becky Zalmonowsky, the class idiot. Sadie Gonorowsky's careful
+mother had considered Patrick too immature to bear the whole
+responsibility, and he, with a guile which promised well for his future,
+had complied with her desires and preserved his own authority unshaken.
+For Becky, poor child, though twelve years old and of an aspect
+eminently calculated to inspire trust in those who had never heldspeech
+with her, was a member of the First Reader Class only until
+such time as room could be found for her in some of the institutions
+where such unfortunates are bestowed.
+
+Slowly and in diverse ways each of the children acquired the essential
+nickel. Some begged, some stole, some gambled, some bartered, some
+earned, but their greatest source of income, Miss Bailey, was denied
+to them. For Patrick knew that she would have insisted upon some really
+efficient guardian from a higher class, and he announced with much
+heat that he would not go at all under those circumstances.
+
+At last the leader was called upon to set a day and appointed a Saturday
+in late May. He was disconcerted to find that only Ignatius Aloysius
+would travel on that day.
+
+"It's holidays, all Saturdays," Morris explained; "und we dassent to
+ride on no cars."
+
+"Why not?" asked Patrick.
+
+"It's law, the Rabbi says," Nathan supplemented. "I don't know why is
+it; on'y rides on holidays ain't fer us."
+
+"I guess," Eva sagely surmised; "I guess rubber-neck-boat-birds rides
+even ain't fer us on holidays. But I don't know do I need rides on
+birds what hollers."
+
+"You'll be all right," Patrick assured her. "I'm goin' to let ye hold
+me hand. If ye can't go on Saturday, I'll take ye on Sunday--next
+Sunday. Yous all must meet me here on the school steps. Bring yer money
+and bring yer lunch too. It's a long way and ye'll be hungry when ye
+get there. Ye get a terrible long ride for five cents."
+
+"Does it take all that to get there?" asked the practical Nathan. "Then
+how are we goin' to get back?"
+
+Poor little poet soul! Celtic and improvident! Patrick's visions had
+shown him only the triumphant arrival of his host and the beatific joy
+of Eva as she floated by his side on the most "fancy" of boat-birds.
+Of the return journey he had taken no thought. And so the saving and
+planning had to be done all over again. The struggle for the first
+nickel had been wearing and wearying, but the amassment of the second
+was beyond description difficult. The children were worn from long
+strife and many sacrifices, for the temptations to spend six or nine
+cents are so much more insistent and unusual than are yearnings to
+squander lesser sums. Almost daily some member of the band would confess
+a fall from grace and solvency, and almost daily Isaac Borrachsohn was
+called upon to descant anew upon the glories of the Central Park.
+Becky, the chaperon, was the most desultory collector of the party.
+Over and over she reached the proud heights of seven or even eight
+cents only to lavish her horde on the sticky joys of the candy cart
+of Isidore Belchatosky's papa or on the suddy charms of a strawberry
+soda.
+
+Then tearfully would she repent of her folly, and bitterly would the
+others upbraid her, telling again of the joys and wonders she had
+squandered. Then loudly would she bewail her weakness and plead in
+extenuation: "I seen the candy. Mouses from choc'late und Foxy Gran'pas
+from sugar--und I ain't never seen no Central Park."
+
+"But don't you know how Isaac says?" Eva would urge. "Don't you know
+how all things what is nice fer us stands in the Central Park? Say,
+Isaac, you should better tell Becky, some more, how the Central Park
+stands."
+
+And Isaac's tales grew daily more wild and independent of fact until
+the little girls quivered with yearning terror and the boys burnished
+up forgotten cap pistols. He told of lions, tigers, elephants, bears
+and buffaloes, all of enormous size and strength of lung, so that
+before many days had passed he had debarred himself, by whole-hearted
+lying, from the very possibility of joining the expedition and seeing
+the disillusionment of his public. With true artistic spirit he omitted
+all mention of confining house or cage and bestowed the gift of speech
+upon all the characters, whether brute or human, in his epic. The
+merry-go-round he combined with the menagerie into a whole which was
+not to be resisted.
+
+"Und all the am'blins," he informed his entranced listeners; "they
+goes around, und around, und around, where music plays und flags is.
+Und I sets on a lion und he runs around, und runs around, und runs
+around. Say--what you think? He has smiling looks und hair on the neck,
+und sooner he says like that 'I'm awful thirsty,' I gives him a peanut
+und I gets a golden ring."
+
+"Where is it?" asked the jealous and incredulous Patrick.
+
+"To my house." Isaac valiantly lied, for well he remembered the scene
+in which his scandalized but sympathetic uncle had discovered his
+attempt to purloin the brass ring which, with countless blackened
+duplicates, is plucked from a slot by the brandishing swords of the
+riders upon the merry-go-round. Truly, its possession had won him
+another ride--this time upon an elephant with upturned trunk and wide
+ears--but in his mind the return of that ring still rankled as the
+only grief in an otherwise perfect day.
+
+Miss Bailey--ably assisted by Aesop, Rudyard Kipling, and Thompson
+Seton--had prepared the First Reader Class to accept garrulous and
+benevolent lions, cows, panthers, and elephants, and the exploring
+party's absolute credulity encouraged Isaac to higher and yet higher
+flights, until Becky was strengthened against temptation.
+
+At last, on a Sunday in late June, the cavalcade in splendid raiment
+met on the wide steps, boarded a Grand Street car, and set out for
+Paradise. Some confusion occurred at the very beginning of things when
+Becky Zalmonowsky curtly refused to share her pennies with the
+conductor. When she was at last persuaded to yield, an embarrassing
+five minutes was consumed in searching for the required amount in the
+nooks and crannies of her costume where, for safe-keeping, she had
+cached her fund. One penny was in her shoe, another in her stocking,
+two in the lining of her hat, and one in the large and dilapidated
+chatelaine bag which dangled at her knees.
+
+Nathan Spiderwitz, who had preserved absolute silence, now contributed
+his fare, moist and warm, from his mouth, and Eva turned to him
+admonishingly.
+
+"Ain't Teacher told you money in the mouth ain't healthy fer you?" she
+sternly questioned, and Nathan, when he had removed other pennies, was
+able to answer:
+
+"I washed 'em first off." And they were indeed most brightly clean.
+"There's holes in me these here pockets," he explained, and promptly
+corked himself anew with currency.
+
+"But they don't tastes nice, do they?" Morris remonstrated. Nathan
+shook a corroborative head. "Und," the Monitor of the Gold-Fish further
+urged, "you could to swallow 'em und then you couldn't never to come
+by your house no more."
+
+But Nathan was not to be dissuaded, even when the impressional and
+experimental Becky tried his storage system and suffered keen discomfort
+before her penny was restored to her by a resourceful fellow-traveller
+who thumped her right lustily on the back until her crowings ceased
+and the coin was once more in her hand.
+
+At the meeting of Grand Street with the Bowery, wild confusion was
+made wilder by the addition of seven small persons armed with transfers
+and clamouring--all except Nathan--for Central Park. Two newsboys and
+a policeman bestowed them upon a Third Avenue car and all went well
+until Patrick missed his lunch and charged Ignatius Aloysius with its
+abstraction. Words ensued which were not easily to be forgotten even
+when the refreshment was found--flat and horribly distorted--under the
+portly frame of the chaperon.
+
+Jealousy may have played some part in the misunderstanding, for it was
+undeniable that there was a sprightliness, a joyant brightness, in the
+flowing red scarf on Ignatius Aloysius's nautical breast, which was
+nowhere paralleled in Patrick's more subdued array. And the tenth
+commandment seemed very arbitrary to Patrick, the star of St. Mary's
+Sunday-school, when he saw that the red silk was attracting nearly all
+the attention of his female contingent. If Eva admired flaunting ties
+it were well that she should say so now. There was yet time to spare
+himself the agony of riding on rubber-neck-boat-birds with one whose
+interest wandered from brass buttons. Darkly Patrick scowled upon his
+unconscious rival, and guilefully he remarked to Eva:
+
+"Red neckties is nice, don't you think?"
+
+"Awful nice," Eva agreed; "but they ain't so stylish like high-stiffs.
+High-stiffs und derbies is awful stylish."
+
+Gloom and darkness vanished from the heart and countenance of the
+Knight of Munster, for around his neck he wore, with suppressed agony,
+the highest and stiffest of "high-stiffs," and his brows--and the back
+of his neck--were encircled by his big brother's work-a-day derby.
+Again he saw and described to Eva the vision which had lived in his
+hopes for now so many weeks: against a background of teeming jungle,
+mysterious and alive with wild beasts, an amiable boat-bird floated
+on the water-lake; and upon the boat-bird, trembling but reassured,
+sat Eva Gonorowsky, hand in hand with her brass-buttoned protector.
+
+As the car sped up the Bowery the children felt that they were indeed
+adventurers. The clattering Elevated trains overhead, the crowds of
+brightly decked Sunday strollers, the clanging trolley cars, and the
+glimpses they caught of shining green as they passed the streets leading
+to the smaller squares and parks, all contributed to the holiday
+upliftedness which swelled their unaccustomed hearts. At each vista
+of green they made ready to disembark and were restrained only by the
+conductor and by the sage counsel of Eva, who reminded her impulsive
+companions that the Central Park could be readily identified by "the
+hollers from all them things what hollers." And so, in happy watching
+and calm trust of the conductor, they were borne far beyond 59th Street,
+the first and most popular entrance to the park, before an interested
+passenger came to their rescue. They tumbled off the car and pressed
+towards the green only to find themselves shut out by a high stone
+wall, against which they crouched and listened in vain for identifying
+hollers. The silence began to frighten them, when suddenly the quiet
+air was shattered by a shriek which would have done credit to the
+biggest of boat-birds or of lions, but which was--the children
+discovered after a moment's panic--only the prelude to an outburst of
+grief on the chaperon's part. When the inarticulate stage of her sorrow
+was passed, she demanded instant speech with her mamma. She would seem
+to have expressed a sentiment common to the majority, for three heads
+in Spring finery leaned dejectedly against the stone barrier while
+Nathan removed his car-fare to contribute the remark that he was growing
+hungry. Patrick was forced to seek aid in the passing crowd on Fifth
+Avenue, and in response to his pleading eyes and the depression of his
+party, a lady of gentle aspect and "kind looks" stopped and spoke to
+them.
+
+"Indeed, yes," she reassured them; "this is Central Park."
+
+"It has looks off the country," Eva commented.
+
+"Because it is a piece of the country," the lady explained.
+
+"Then we dassent to go, the while we ain't none of us got no sickness,"
+cried Eva forlornly. "We're all, all healthy, und the country is for
+sick childrens."
+
+"I am glad you are well," said the lady kindly; "but you may certainly
+play in the park. It is meant for all little children. The gate is
+near. Just walk on near this wall until you come to it."
+
+It was only a few blocks, and they were soon in the land of their
+hearts' desire, where were waving trees and flowering shrubs and
+smoothly sloping lawns, and, framed in all these wonders, a beautiful
+little water-lake all dotted and brightened by fleets of tiny boats.
+The pilgrims from the East Side stood for a moment at gaze and then
+bore down upon the jewel, straight over grass and border, which is a
+course not lightly to be followed in park precincts and in view of
+park policemen. The ensuing reprimand dashed their spirits not at all
+and they were soon assembled close to the margin of the lake, where
+they got entangled in guiding strings and drew to shore many a craft,
+to the disgust of many a small owner. Becky Zalmonowsky stood so closely
+over the lake that she shed the chatelaine bag into its shallow depths
+and did irreparable damage to her gala costume in her attempts to
+"dibble" for her property. It was at last recovered, no wetter than
+the toilette it was intended to adorn, and the cousins Gonorowsky had
+much difficulty in balking Becky's determination to remove her gown
+and dry it then and there.
+
+Then Ignatius Aloysius, the exacting, remembered garrulously that he
+had as yet seen nothing of the rubber-neck-boat-birds and suggested
+that they were even now graciously "hollering like an'thing" in some
+remote fastness of the park. So Patrick gave commands and the march
+was resumed with bliss now beaming on all the faces so lately clouded.
+Every turn of the endless walks brought new wonders to these little
+ones who were gazing for the first time upon the great world of growing
+things of which Miss Bailey had so often told them. The policeman's
+warning had been explicit and they followed decorously in the paths
+and picked none of the flowers which, as Eva had heard of old, were
+sticking right up out of the ground. And other flowers there were
+dangling high or low on tree or shrub, while here and there across the
+grass a bird came hopping or a squirrel ran. But the pilgrims never
+swerved. Full well they knew that these delights were not for such as
+they.
+
+It was, therefore, with surprise and concern that they at last debouched
+upon a wide green space where a flag waved at the top of a towering
+pole; for, behold, the grass was covered thick with children, with
+here and there a beneficent policeman looking serenely on.
+
+"Dast _we_ walk on it?" cried Morris. "Oh, Patrick, dast we?"
+
+"Ask the cop," Nathan suggested. It was his first speech for an hour,
+for Becky's misadventure with the chatelaine bag and the water-lake
+had made him more than ever sure that his own method of safe-keeping
+was the best.
+
+"Ask him yerself," retorted Patrick. He had quite intended to accost
+a large policeman, who would of course recognize and revere the buttons
+of Mr. Brennan _pere_, but a commander cannot well accept the advice of
+his subordinates. But Nathan was once more beyond the power of speech,
+and it was Morris Mogilewsky who asked for and obtained permission to
+walk on God's green earth. With little spurts of running and tentative
+jumps to test its spring, they crossed Peacock Lawn to the grateful
+shade of the trees at its further edge and there disposed themselves
+upon the ground and ate their luncheon. Nathan Spiderwitz waited until
+Sadie had finished and then entrusted the five gleaming pennies to her
+care while he wildly bolted an appetizing combination of dark
+brown-bread and uncooked salmon.
+
+Becky reposed upon the chatelaine bag and waved her still damp shoes
+exultantly. Eva lay, face downward beside her, and peered wonderingly
+deep into the roots of things.
+
+"Don't it smells nice!" she gloated. "Don't it looks nice! My, ain't
+we havin' the party-time!"
+
+"Don't mention it," said Patrick, in careful imitation of his mother's
+hostess's manner. "I'm pleased to see you, I'm sure."
+
+"The Central Park is awful pretty," Sadie soliloquized as she lay on
+her back and watched the waving branches and blue sky far above. "Awful
+pretty! I likes we should live here all the time."
+
+"Well," began Ignatius Aloysius Diamantstein, in slight disparagement
+of his rival's powers as a cicerone; "well, I ain't seen no lions, nor
+no rubber-neck-boat-birds. Und we ain't had no rides on nothings. Und
+I ain't heard no hollers neither."
+
+As if in answer to this criticism there arose upon the road beyond the
+trees a snorting, panting noise, growing momentarily louder and
+culminating just as East Side nerves were strained to breaking point,
+in a long, hoarse and terrifying yell. There was a flash of red, a
+cloud of dust, three other toots of agony, and the thing was gone.
+Gone, too, were the explorers and gone their peaceful rest. To the
+distant end of the field they flew, led by the panic-stricken chaperon,
+and followed by Eva and Patrick, hand in hand, he making show of a
+bravery he was far from feeling, and she frankly terrified. In a
+secluded corner, near the restaurant, the chaperon was run to earth
+by her breathless charges.
+
+"I seen the lion," she panted over and over. "I seen the fierce, big
+red lion, und I don't know where is my mamma."
+
+Patrick saw that one of the attractions had failed to attract, so he
+tried another.
+
+"Let's go and see the cows," he proposed. "Don't you know the po'try
+piece Miss Bailey learned us about cows?"
+
+Again the emotional chaperon interrupted. "I'm loving much mit Miss
+Bailey, too," she wailed. "Und I don't know where is she neither." But
+the pride of learning upheld the others and they chanted in singsong
+chorus, swaying rhythmically the while from leg to leg:
+
+    _"The friendly cow all red and white,
+    I love with all my heart:
+    She gives me cream with all her might,
+    To eat with apple-tart Robert Louis Stevenson."_
+
+Becky's tears ceased. "Be there cows in the Central Park?" she demanded.
+
+"Sure," said Patrick.
+
+"Und what kind from cream will he give us? Ice cream?"
+
+"Sure," said Patrick again.
+
+"Let's go," cried the emotional chaperon. A passing stranger turned
+the band in the general direction of the menagerie and the reality of
+the cow brought the whole "memory gem" into strange and undreamed
+reality.
+
+Gaily they set out through new and always beautiful ways; through
+tunnels where feet and voices rang with ghostly boomings most pleasant
+to the ear; over bridges whence they saw--in partial proof of Isaac
+Borrachsohn's veracity--"mans und ladies ridin'." Of a surety they
+rode nothing more exciting than horses, but that was, to East Side
+eyes, an unaccustomed sight, and Eva opined that it was owing, probably,
+to the shortness of their watch that they saw no lions and tigers
+similarly amiable. The cows, too, seemed far to seek, but the trees
+and grass and flowers were everywhere. Through long stretches of "for
+sure country" they picked their way, until they came, hot but happy,
+to a green and shady summer house on a hill. There they halted to rest,
+and there Ignatius Aloysius, with questionable delicacy, began to
+insist once more upon the full measure of his bond.
+
+"We ain't seen the rubber-neck-boat-birds," he complained. "Und we
+ain't had no rides on nothings."
+
+"You don't know what is polite," cried Eva, greatly shocked at his
+carping spirit in the presence of a hard-worked host. "You could to
+think shame over how you says somethings like that on a party."
+
+"This ain't no party," Ignatius Aloysius retorted. "It's a 'scursion.
+To a party somebody _gives_ you what you should eat; to a 'scursion
+you _brings_ it. Und, anyway, we ain't had no rides."
+
+"But we heard a holler," the guest of honour reminded him. "We heard
+a fierce, big holler from a lion. I don't know do I need a ride on
+something what hollers. I could to have a fraid maybe."
+
+"Ye wouldn't be afraid on the boats when I hold yer hand, would ye?"
+Patrick anxiously inquired, and Eva shyly admitted that, thus supported,
+she might be undismayed. To work off the pride and joy caused by this
+avowal, Patrick mounted the broad seat extending all around the
+summer-house and began to walk clatteringly upon it. The other pilgrims
+followed suit and the whole party stamped and danced with infinite
+enjoyment. Suddenly the leader halted with a cry of triumph and pointed
+grandly out through one of the wistaria-hung openings. Not De Soto
+upon the banks of the Mississippi nor Balboa above the Pacific could
+have felt more victorious than Patrick did as he announced:
+
+"There's the water-lake!"
+
+His followers closed in upon him so impetuously that he was borne down
+under their charge and fell ignominiously out upon the grass. But he
+was hardly missed; he had served his purpose. For there, beyond the
+rocks and lawns and red japonicas, lay the blue and shining water-lake
+in its confining banks of green. And upon its softly quivering surface
+floated the rubber-neck-boat-birds, white and sweetly silent instead
+of red and screaming--and the superlative length and arched beauty of
+their necks surpassed the wildest of Ikey Borrachsohn's descriptions.
+And relying upon the strength and politeness of these wondrous birds
+there were indeed "mans und ladies und boys und little girls" embarking,
+disembarking, and placidly weaving in and out and round about through
+scenes of hidden but undoubted beauty.
+
+Over rocks and grass the army charged towards bliss unutterable,
+strewing their path with overturned and howling babies of prosperity
+who, clumsy from many nurses and much pampering, failed to make way.
+Past all barriers, accident or official, they pressed, nor halted to
+draw rein or breath until they were established, beatified, upon the
+waiting swan-boat.
+
+Three minutes later they were standing outside the railings of the
+landing and regarding, through welling tears, the placid lake, the
+sunny slopes of grass and tree, the brilliant sky and the gleaming
+rubber-neck-boat-bird which, as Ikey described, "made go its legs,"
+but only, as he had omitted to mention, for money. So there they stood,
+seven sorrowful little figures engulfed in the rayless despair of
+childhood and the bitterness of poverty. For these were the children
+of the poor, and full well they knew that money was not to be diverted
+from its mission: that car-fare could not be squandered on bliss.
+
+Becky's woe was so strong and loud that the bitter wailings of the
+others served merely as its background. But Patrick cared not at all
+for the general despair. His remorseful eyes never strayed from the
+bowed figure of Eva Gonorowsky, for whose pleasure and honour he had
+striven so long and vainly. Slowly she conquered her sobs, slowly she
+raised her daisy-decked head, deliberately she blew her small pink
+nose, softly she approached her conquered knight, gently and all
+untruthfully she faltered, with yearning eyes on the majestic swans:
+"Don't you have no sad feelings, Patrick. I ain't got none. Ain't I
+told you from long, how I don't need no rubber-neck-boat-bird rides?
+I don't need 'em! I don't need em! I"--with a sob of passionate
+longing--"I'm got all times a awful scare over 'em. Let's go home,
+Patrick. Becky needs she should see her mamma, und I guess I needs my
+mamma too."
+
+
+
+
+A PASSPORT TO PARADISE
+
+
+School had been for some months in progress when the footsteps of Yetta
+Aaronsohn were turned, by a long-suffering Truant Officer, in the
+direction of Room 18. During her first few hours among its pictures,
+plants and children, she sadly realized the great and many barriers
+which separated her from Eva Gonorowsky, Morris Mogilewsky, Patrick
+Brennan, and other favoured spirits who basked in the sunshine of
+Teacher's regard. For, with a face too white, hair too straight, dresses
+too short and legs too long one runs a poor chance in rivalry with
+more blessed and bedizened children.
+
+Miss Bailey had already appointed her monitors, organized her kingdom,
+and was so hedged about with servitors and assistants that her wishes
+were acted upon before a stranger could surmise them, and her Cabinet,
+from the Leader of the Line to the Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl,
+presented an impregnable front to the aspiring public.
+
+During recess time Yetta learned that Teacher was further entrenched
+in groundless prejudice. Sarah Schrodsky, class bureau of etiquette
+and of _savoir faire_, warned the new-comer:
+
+"Sooner you comes on the school mit dirt on the face she wouldn't to
+have no kind feelin's over you. She don't lets you should set by her
+side: she don't lets you should be monitors off of somethings: she
+don't lets you should make an'thing what is nice fer you."
+
+Another peculiarity was announced by Sadie Gonorowsky: "So you comes
+late on the school, she has fierce mads. Patrick Brennan, he comes
+late over yesterday on the morning und she don't lets he should march
+first on the line."
+
+"Did she holler?" asked Yetta, in an awed whisper.
+
+"No. She don't need she should holler when she has mads. She looks on
+you mit long-mad-proud-looks und you don't needs no hollers. She could
+to have mads 'out sayin' nothings und you could to have a scare over
+it. It's fierce. Und extra she goes und tells it out to Patrick's
+papa--he's the cop mit buttons what stands by the corner--how Patrick
+comes late und Patrick gets killed as anything over it."
+
+"On'y Patrick ain't cried," interrupted Eva Gonorowsky. She had heard
+her hero's name and sprang to his defence. "Patrick tells me how his
+papa hits him awful hacks mit a club. I don't know what is a club,
+on'y Patrick says it makes him biles on all his bones."
+
+"You gets biles on your bones from off of cops sooner you comes late
+on the school!" gasped Yetta. "Nobody ain't tell me nothings over that.
+I don't know, neither, what is clubs--"
+
+"I know what they are," the more learned Sarah Schrodsky began. "It's
+a house mit man's faces in the windows. It's full from mans by night.
+Ikey Borrachsohn's papa's got one mit music inside."
+
+"I don't likes it! I have a fraid over it!" wailed Yetta. "I don't
+know does my mamma likes I should come somewheres where cops mit buttons
+makes like that mit me. I don't know is it healthy fer me."
+
+"Sooner you don't comes late on the school nobody makes like that mit
+you," Eva reminded the panic-stricken new-comer, and for the first
+three days of her school life Yetta was very early and very dirty.
+
+Miss Bailey, with gentle tact, delivered little lectures upon the use
+and beauty of soap and water which Eva Gonorowsky applied to and
+discussed with the new-comer.
+
+"Miss Bailey is a awful nice Teacher," she began one afternoon. "I
+never in my world seen no nicer teacher. On'y she's fancy."
+
+"I seen how she's fancy," Yetta agreed. "She's got her hair done fancy
+mit combs und her waist is from fancy goods."
+
+"Yes, she's fancy," Eva continued. "She likes you should put you on
+awful clean. Say, what you think, she sends a boy home once--mit notes
+even--the while he puts him on mit dirty sweaters. She says like this:
+'Sweaters what you wears by nights und by days ain't stylish fer
+school.' Und I guess she knows what is stylish. I ain't never in my
+world seen no stylisher teacher."
+
+"I don't know be buttoned-in-back dresses the style this year," ventured
+Yetta. The same misgiving had visited Eva, but she thrust it loyally
+from her.
+
+"They're the latest," she declared.
+
+"It's good they're the style," sighed Yetta. "Mine dress is a
+buttoned-in-back-dress, too. On'y I loses me the buttons from off of
+it. I guess maybe I sews 'em on again. Teacher could to have, maybe,
+kind feelings, sooner she sees how I puts me on mit buttons on mine
+back und--"
+
+"Sure could she!" interrupted the sustaining Eva.
+
+"Could she have kind feelings sooner I puts me on clean mit buttons
+on mine back und makes all things what is nice fer me? Oh, Eva, could
+she have feelin's over me?"
+
+"Sure could she," cried Eva. "Sooner you makes all them things she
+could to make you, maybe, monitors off of somethings."
+
+"Be you monitors?" demanded Yetta in sudden awe.
+
+"Off of pencils. Ain't you seen how I gives 'em out and takes 'em up?
+She gives me too a piece of paper mit writings on it. Sooner I shows
+it on the big boys what stands by the door in the yard, sooner they
+lets me I should come right up by Teacher's room. You could to look
+on it." And, after unfolding countless layers of paper and of
+cheese-cloth handkerchief, she exhibited her talisman. It was an
+ordinary visiting card with a line of writing under its neatly engraved
+"Miss Constance Bailey," and Yetta regarded it with envying eyes.
+
+"What does it says?" she asked.
+
+"Well," admitted Eva with reluctant candour, "I couldn't to read them
+words but I guess it says I should come all places what I wants the
+while I'm good girls."
+
+"Can you go all places where you wants mit it?"
+
+"Sure could you."
+
+"On theaytres?"
+
+"Sure."
+
+"On the Central Park?"
+
+"Sure."
+
+"On the country? Oh I guess you couldn't to go on the country mit it?"
+
+"Sure could you. All places what you wants you could to go sooner
+Missis Bailey writes on papers how you is good girls."
+
+"Oh, how I likes she should write like that fer me. Oh, how I likes
+I should be monitors off of somethings."
+
+"I tell you what you want to do: wash your hands!" cried Eva, with
+sudden inspiration. "She's crazy for what is clean. You wash your hands
+und your face. She could to have feelin's."
+
+For some mornings thereafter Yetta was clean--and late. Miss Bailey
+overlooked the cleanliness, but noted the tardiness, and treated the
+offender with some of "the mads 'out sayin' nothings" which Sadie had
+predicted. Still, the "cop mit buttons und clubs" did not appear,
+though Yetta lived in constant terror and expected that every opening
+of the door would disclose that dread avenger.
+
+On the fourth morning of her ablutions Yetta reached Room 18 while a
+reading lesson was absorbing Teacher's attention:
+
+"Powers above!" ejaculated Patrick Brennan, with all the ostentatious
+virtue of the recently reformed, "here's that new kid late again!"
+
+The new kid, in copious tears, encountered one of the
+"long-mad-proud-looks" and cringed.
+
+"Why are you late?" demanded Miss Bailey.
+
+"I washes me the face," whimpered the culprit, and the eyes with which
+she regarded Eva Gonorowsky added tearfully: "Villain behold your
+work!"
+
+[Illustration: "I WASHES ME THE FACE"]
+
+[Illustration: AIN'T YOU NEVER COMIN' ON THE SCHOOL FOR TO SEE MINE
+TEACHER?]
+
+"So I see, but that is no reason for being late. You have been late
+twice a day, morning and afternoon, for the last three days and your
+only excuse has been that you were washing your face. Which is no
+excuse at all."
+
+"I tells you 'scuse," pleaded Yetta. "I tells you 'scuse."
+
+"Very well, I'll forgive you to-day. I suppose I must tolerate you."
+
+"No-o-oh ma'an, Teacher, Missis Bailey, don't you do it," screamed
+Yetta in sudden terror. "I'd have a awful frightened over it. I swear,
+I kiss up to God, I wouldn't never no more come late on the school.
+I don't needs nobody should make nothings like that mit me."
+
+"Oh, it's not so bad," Miss Bailey reassured her. "And you must expect
+something to happen if you _will_ come late to school for no reason at
+all."
+
+And Yetta was too disturbed by the danger so narrowly escaped to tell
+this charming but most strangely ignorant young person that the washing
+of a face was a most time-consuming process. Yetta's one-roomed home
+was on the top floor, the sixth, and the only water supply was in the
+yard. Since the day her father had packed "assorted notions" into a
+black and shiny box and had set out to seek his very elusive fortunes
+in the country, Yetta had toiled three times a morning with a tin pail
+full of water. This formed the family's daily store and there was no
+surplus to be squandered. But to win Teacher's commendation she had
+bent her tired energies to another trip and, behold, her reward was
+a scolding!
+
+Eva Gonorowsky was terribly distressed, and the plaintive sobs which,
+from time to time, rent the bosom of Yetta's dingy plaid dress were
+as so many blows upon her adviser's bruised conscience. Desperately
+she cast about for some device by which Teacher's favour might be
+reclaimed and all jubilantly she imparted it to Yetta.
+
+"Say," she whispered, "I tell you what you want to do. You leave your
+mamma wash your dress."
+
+"I don't know would she like it. I washes me the face fer her und she
+has a mad on me."
+
+"She'd like it, all right, all right; ain't I tell you how she is crazy
+fer what is clean? You get your dress washed and it will look awful
+diff'rent. I done it und she had a glad."
+
+Now a mamma who supports a family by the making of buttonholes, for
+one hundred of which she receives nine cents, has little time for
+washing, and Yetta determined, unaided and unadvised, to be her own
+laundress. She made endless trips with her tin-pail from the sixth
+floor to the yard and back again, she begged a piece of soap from the
+friendly "janitor lady" and set valiantly to work. And Eva's prophecy
+was fulfilled. The dress looked "awful diff'rent" when it had dried
+to half its already scant proportions. From various sources Yetta
+collected six buttons of widely dissimilar design and colour and, with
+great difficulty since her hands were puffed and clumsy from long
+immersion in strong suds, she affixed them to the back of the dress
+and fell into her corner of the family couch to dream of Miss Bailey's
+surprise and joy when the blended plaid should be revealed unto her.
+Surely, if there were any gratitude in the hearts of teachers, Yetta
+should be, ere the sinking of another sun, "monitors off of somethings."
+
+That Teacher was surprised, no one who saw the glance of puzzled inquiry
+with which she greeted the entrance of the transformed Yetta, could
+doubt. That she had a glad, Yetta, who saw the stare replaced by a
+smile of quick recognition, was proudly assured. Eva Gonorowsky shone
+triumphant.
+
+"Ain't I tell you?" she whispered jubilantly as she made room upon her
+little bench and drew Yetta down beside her. "Ain't I tell you how
+she's crazy fer what is clean? Und I ain't never seen nothings what
+is clean like you be. You smells off of soap even."
+
+It was not surprising, for Yetta had omitted the rinsing which some
+laundresses advise. She had wasted none of the janitor lady's gift.
+It was all in the meshes of the flannel dress to which it lent, in
+addition to its reassuring perfume, a smooth damp slipperiness most
+pleasing to the touch.
+
+The athletic members of the First Reader Class were made familiar with
+this quality before the day was over, for, at the slightest exertion
+of its wearer, the rain-bow dress sprang, chrysalis-like, widely open
+up the back. Then were the combined efforts of two of the strongest
+members of the class required to drag the edges into apposition while
+Eva guided the buttons to their respective holes and Yetta "let go of
+her breath" with an energy which defeated its purpose.
+
+These interruptions of the class routine were so inevitable a
+consequence of Swedish exercises and gymnastics that Miss Bailey was
+forced to sacrifice Yetta's physical development to the general
+discipline and to anchor her in quiet waters during the frequent periods
+of drill. When she had been in time she sat at Teacher's desk in a
+glow of love and pride. When she had been late she stood in a corner
+near the book-case and repented of her sin. And, despite all her
+exertions and Eva's promptings, she was still occasionally late.
+
+Miss Bailey was seriously at a loss for some method of dealing with
+a child so wistful of eyes and so damaging of habits. A teacher's
+standing on the books of the Board of Education depends to a degree
+upon the punctuality and regularity of attendance to which she can
+inspire her class, and Yetta was reducing the average to untold depths.
+
+"What happened to-day?" Teacher asked one morning for the third time
+in one week, and through Yetta's noisy repentance she heard hints of
+"store" and "mamma."
+
+"Your mamma sent you to the store?" she interpreted and Yetta nodded
+dolefully.
+
+"And did you give her my message about that last week? Did you tell
+her that she _must_ send you to school before nine o'clock?" Again
+Yetta nodded, silent and resigned, evidently a creature bound upon the
+wheel, heart broken but uncomplaining.
+
+"Well, then," began Miss Bailey, struggling to maintain her just
+resentment, "you can tell her now that I want to see her. Ask her to
+come to school to-morrow morning."
+
+"Teacher, she couldn't. She ain't got time. Und she don't know where
+is the school neither."
+
+"That's nonsense. You live only two blocks away. She sees it every
+time she passes the corner."
+
+"She don't never pass no corner. She don't never come on the street.
+My mamma ain't got time. She sews."
+
+"But she can't sew always. She goes out, doesn't she, to do shopping
+and to see her friends?"
+
+"She ain't got friends. She ain't got time she should have 'em. She
+sews all times. Sooner I lays me und the babies on the bed by night
+my mamma sews. Und sooner I stands up in mornings my mamma sews. All,
+_all_, ALL times she sews."
+
+"And where is your father? Doesn't he help?"
+
+"Teacher, he's on the country. He is pedlar mans. He walk und he walk
+und he walk mit all things what is stylish in a box. On'y nobody wants
+they should buy somethings from off of my papa. No ma'an, Missis Bailey,
+that ain't how they makes mit my poor papa. They goes und makes dogs
+should bite him on the legs. That's how he tells in a letter what he
+writes on my mamma. Comes no money in the letter und me und my mamma
+we got it pretty hard. We got three babies."
+
+"I'm going home with you this afternoon," announced Miss Bailey in a
+voice which suggested neither mads nor clubs nor violence.
+
+After that visit things were a shade more bearable in the home of the
+absent pedlar, and one-half of Yetta's ambition was achieved. Teacher
+had a glad! There was a gentleness almost apologetic in her attitude
+and the hour after which an arrival should be met with a
+long-proud-mad-look was indefinitely postponed. And, friendly relations
+being established, Yetta's craving for monitorship grew with the passing
+days.
+
+When she expressed to Teacher her willingness to hold office she was
+met with unsatisfying but baffling generalities.
+
+"But surely I shall let you be monitor some day. I have monitors for
+nearly everything under the sun, now, but perhaps I shall think of
+something for you."
+
+"I likes," faltered Yetta; "I likes I should be monitor off of flowers."
+"But Nathan Spiderwitz takes care of the window boxes. He won't let
+even me touch them. Think what he would do to you."
+
+"Then I likes I should be monitors to set by your place when you goes
+by the Principal's office."
+
+"But Patrick Brennan always takes care of the children when I am not
+in the room."
+
+"He marches first by the line too. He's two monitors."
+
+"He truly is," agreed Miss Bailey. "Well, I shall let you try that
+some day."
+
+It was a most disastrous experiment. The First Reader Class, serenely
+good under the eye of Patrick Brennan, who wore one of the discarded
+brass buttons of his sire pinned to the breast of his shirt-waist,
+found nothing to fear or to obey in his supplanter, and Miss Bailey
+returned to her kingdom to find it in an uproar and her regent in
+tears.
+
+"I don't likes it. I don't likes it," Yetta wailed. "All the boys shows
+a fist on me. All the girls makes a snoot on me. All the childrens say
+cheek on me. I don't likes it. I don't likes it."
+
+"Then you sha'n't do it again," Teacher comforted her. "You needn't
+be a monitor if you don't wish."
+
+"But I likes I shall be monitors. On'y not that kind from monitors."
+
+"If you can think of something you would enjoy I shall let you try
+again. But it must be something, dear, that no one is doing for me."
+
+But Yetta could think of nothing until one afternoon when she was
+sitting at Teacher's desk during a Swedish drill. All about her were
+Teacher's things. Her large green blotter, her "from gold" inkstand
+and pens, her books where Fairies lived. Miss Bailey was standing
+directly in front of the desk and encouraging the First Reader Class--by
+command and example--to strenuous waving of arms and bending of bodies.
+
+"Forward bend!" commanded, and bent, Miss Bailey and her
+buttoned-in-back-waist followed the example of less fashionable models,
+shed its pearl buttons in a shower upon the smooth blotter and gave
+Yetta the inspiration for which she had been waiting. She gathered the
+buttons, extracted numerous pins from posts of trust in her attire,
+and when Miss Bailey had returned to her chair, gently set about
+repairing the breach.
+
+"What is it?" asked Miss Bailey. Yetta, her mouth full of pins,
+exhibited the buttons.
+
+"Dear me! All those off!" exclaimed Teacher. "It was good of you to
+arrange it for me. And now will you watch it? You'll tell me if it
+should open again?"
+
+Yetta had then disposed the pins to the best advantage and was free
+to voice her triumphant:
+
+"Oh, I knows _now_ how I wants I should be monitors! Teacher,
+mine dear Teacher, could I be monitors off of the back of your dress?"
+
+"But surely, you may," laughed Teacher, and Yetta entered straightway
+into the heaven of fulfilled desire.
+
+None of Eva's descriptions of the joys of monitorship had done justice
+to the glad reality. After common mortals had gone home at three
+o'clock, Room 18 was transformed into a land where only monitors and
+love abounded. And the new monitor was welcomed by the existing staff,
+for she had supplanted no one, and was so palpitatingly happy that
+Patrick Brennan forgave her earlier usurpation of his office and Nathan
+Spiderwitz bestowed upon her the freedom of the window boxes.
+
+"Ever when you likes you should have a crawley bug from off of the
+flowers; you tell me und I'll catch one fer you. I got lots. I don't
+need 'em all."
+
+"I likes I shall have one now," ventured Yetta, and Nathan ensnared
+one and put it in her hand where it "crawlied" most pleasingly until
+Morris Mogilewsky begged it for his Gold-Fish in their gleaming "fish
+theaytre." Then Eva shared with her friend and protege the delight of
+sharpening countless blunted and bitten pencils upon a piece of
+sand-paper.
+
+"Say," whispered Yetta as they worked busily and dirtily, "Say, I'm
+monitors now. On'y I ain't got no papers."
+
+"You ask her. She'll give you one."
+
+"I'd have a shamed the while she gives me und my mamma whole bunches
+of things already. She could to think, maybe, I'm a greedy. But I needs
+that paper awful much. I needs I shall go on the country for see mine
+papa."
+
+"No, she don't thinks you is greedy. Ain't you monitors on the back
+of her waist? You should come up here 'fore the childrens comes for
+see how her buttons stands. You go und tell her you needs that paper."
+
+Very diplomatically Yetta did. "Teacher," she began,
+"buttoned-in-back-dresses is stylish fer ladies."
+
+"Yes, honey," Miss Bailey acquiesced, "so I thought when I saw that
+you wear one."
+
+"On'y they opens," Yetta went on, all flushed by this high tribute to
+her correctness. "All times they opens, yours und mine, und that makes
+us shamed feelings."
+
+Again Miss Bailey acquiesced.
+
+"So-o-oh," pursued Yetta, with fast beating heart; "don't you wants
+you should give me somethings from paper mit writings on it so I could
+come on your room all times for see how is your buttoned-in-back-dresses?"
+
+"A beautiful idea," cried Teacher. "We'll take care of one another's
+buttons. I'll write the card for you now. You know what to do with it?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an. Eva tells me all times how I could come where I wants
+sooner you writes on papers how I is good girls."
+
+"I'll write nicer things than that on yours," said Miss Bailey. "You
+are one of the best little girls in the world. So useful to your mother
+and to the babies and to me! Oh yes, I'll write beautiful things on
+your card, my dear."
+
+When the Grand Street car had borne Miss Bailey away Yetta turned to
+Eva with determination in her eye and the "paper mit writings" in her
+hand.
+
+"I'm goin' on the country for see my papa und birds und flowers und
+all them things what Teacher tells stands in the country. I need I
+should see them."
+
+"Out your mamma?" Eva remonstrated.
+
+"'Out, 'out my mamma. She ain't got no time for go on no country. I
+don't needs my mamma should go by my side. Ain't you said I could to
+go all places what I wants I should go, sooner Teacher gives me papers
+mit writings?"
+
+"Sure could you," Eva repeated solemnly. "There ain't no place where
+you couldn't to go mit it."
+
+"I'll go on the country," said Yetta.
+
+That evening Mrs. Aaronsohn joined her neighbours upon the doorstep
+for the first time in seven years. For Yetta was lost. The neighbours
+were comforting but not resourceful. They all knew Yetta; knew her to
+be sensible and mature for her years even according to the exacting
+standard of the East Side. She would presently return, they assured
+the distraught Mrs. Aaronsohn, and pending that happy event they
+entertained her with details of the wanderings and home comings of
+their own offspring. But Yetta did not come. The reminiscent mothers
+talked themselves into silence, the deserted babies cried themselves
+to sleep. Mrs. Aaronsohn carried them up to bed--she hardly knew the
+outer aspect of her own door--and returned to the then deserted doorstep
+to watch for her first-born. One by one the lights were extinguished,
+the sewing-machines stopped, and the restless night of the quarter
+closed down. She was afraid to go even as far as the corner in search
+of the fugitive. She could not have recognized the house which held
+her home.
+
+All her hopes were centered in the coming of Miss Bailey. When the
+children of happier women were setting out for school she demanded and
+obtained from one of them safe conduct to Room 18. But Teacher, when
+Eva Gonorowsky had interpreted the tale of Yetta's disappearance, could
+suggest no explanation.
+
+"She was with me until half-past three. Then she and Eva walked with
+me to the corner. Did she tell you, dear, where she was going?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an. She says she goes on the country for see her
+papa und birds und flowers."
+
+When this was put into Jewish for Mrs. Aaronsohn she was neither
+comforted nor reassured. Miss Bailey was puzzled but undismayed. "We'll
+find her," she promised the now tearful mother. "I shall go with you
+to look for her. Say that in Jewish for me, Eva."
+
+The Principal lent a substitute. Room 18 was deserted by its sovereign:
+the pencils were deserted by their monitor: and Mrs. Aaronsohn, Miss
+Bailey and Eva Gonorowsky, official interpreter, set out for the nearest
+drug-store where a telephone might be. They inspected several unclaimed
+children before, in the station of a precinct many weary blocks away,
+they came upon Yetta. She was more dirty and bedraggled than she had
+ever been, but the charm of her manner was unchanged and, suspended
+about her neck, she wore a policeman's button.
+
+"One of the men brought her in here at ten o'clock last night," the
+man behind the blotter informed Miss Bailey, while Mrs. Aaronsohn
+showered abuse and caress upon the wanderer. "She was straying around
+the Bowery and she gave us a great game of talk about her father bein'
+a bird. I guess he is."
+
+"My papa und birds is on the country. I likes I shall go there," said
+Yetta from the depths of her mother's embrace.
+
+"There, that's what she tells everyone. She has a card there with a
+Christian name and no address on it. I was going to try to identify
+her by looking for this Miss Constance Bailey."
+
+"That is my name. I am her teacher. I gave her the card because--"
+
+"I'm monitors. I should go all places what I wants the while I'm good
+girls und Teacher writes it on pieces from paper. On'y I ain't want
+I should come on no cops' house. I likes I should go on the country
+for see my papa und birds und flowers. I says like that on a cop--I
+shows him the paper even--und he makes I shall come here on the cops'
+house where my papa don't stands und birds don't stands und flowers
+don't stands."
+
+"When next you want to go to the country," said Teacher, "you ought
+to let us know. You have frightened us all dreadfully and that is a
+very naughty thing to do. If you ever run away again I shall have to
+keep the promise I made to you long and long ago when you used to come
+late to school. I shall have to tolerate you."
+
+But Yetta was undismayed. "I ain't got no more a scare over that,"
+said she with a soft smile towards the brass-buttoned person behind
+the blotter. "Und I ain't got no scare over cops neither; I never in
+mine world seen how they makes all things what is polite mit me und
+gives me I should eat."
+
+"Well," cautioned Teacher "you must never do it again," and turned her
+attention to the very erratic spelling of Sergeant Moloney's official
+record of the flight of Yetta Aaronsohn.
+
+"Say," whispered Eva, and there was a tinge of jealousy in her soft
+voice; "say, who gives you the button like Patrick Brennan's got?"
+
+"THE COP," answered Yetta, pointing a dirty but reverential finger
+towards her new divinity. "I guess maybe I turns me the dress around.
+Buttoned-in-front-mit-from-gold-button-suits is awful stylish. He's
+got 'em."
+
+"Think shame how you says," cried Eva, with loyal eyes upon the neatly
+buttoned and all unsuspecting back of Miss Bailey, "Ain't you seen how
+is Teacher's back?"
+
+"Ain't I monitors off of it?" demanded Yetta. "Sure I know how is it.
+On'y I don't know be they so stylish. Cops ain't got 'em und, oh Eva,
+Cops is somethin' grand! I turns me the dress around."
+
+
+
+
+THE TOUCH OF NATURE
+
+
+
+"There is," wrote the authorities with a rare enthusiasm, "no greater
+power for the mental, moral and physical uplifting of the Child than
+a knowledge and an appreciation of the Beauties of Nature. It is the
+duty and the privilege of the teacher to bring this elevating influence
+into the lives of the children for whom she is responsible."
+There are not many of the Beauties of Nature to be found on the lower
+East Side of New York, and Miss Bailey found this portion of her duty
+full of difficulty. Excursions were out of the question, and she
+discovered that specimens conveyed but crudely erroneous ideas to
+the minds of her little people. She was growing discouraged at the
+halting progress of the First Reader Class in Natural Science, when,
+early in October, the Principal ushered into Room 18, Miss Eudora
+Langdon, Lecturer on Biology and Nature Study in a Western university, a
+shining light in the world of education, and an orator in her own
+conceit.
+
+"I shall leave Miss Langdon with you for a short time, Miss Bailey,"
+said the Principal when the introductions had been accomplished. "She
+is interested in the questions which are troubling you, and would like
+to speak to the children if you have no objection."
+
+"Surely none," replied Miss Bailey; and when the Principal had retired
+to interview parents and book-agents, she went on: "I find it difficult
+to make Nature Study real to the children. They regard it all as
+fairy-lore."
+
+"Ah, yes," the visitor admitted; "it does require some skill. You
+should appeal to their sense of the beautiful."
+
+"But I greatly fear," said Teacher sadly, "that the poor babies know
+very little about beauty."
+
+"Then develop the ideal," cried Miss Langdon, and the eyes behind her
+glasses shone with zeal. "Begin this very day. Should you like me to
+open up a topic?"
+
+"If you will be so very good," said Teacher, with some covert amusement,
+and Miss Langdon, laying her note-book on the desk, turned to address
+the class. Immediately Nathan Spiderwitz, always on the alert for bad
+news, started a rumour which spread from desk to desk--"Miss Bailey
+could to be goin' away. This could be a new teacher."
+
+"My dears," Miss Eudora began, with deliberate and heavy coyness; "I'm
+_so_ fond of little children! I've always loved them. That's why
+your kind Principal brought me here to talk to you. Now, wasn't that
+good of him?"
+
+At this confirmation of their fears the First Reader Class showed so
+moderate a joy that Miss Langdon hurried on: "And what would you like
+me to tell you about?"
+
+"Lions," said Patrick Brennan promptly. "Big hairy lions with teeth."
+
+The visitor paused almost blankly while the children brightened. Miss
+Bailey struggled with a rebellious laugh, but Miss Langdon recovered
+quickly.
+
+"I shall tell you," she began serenely, "about Beauty. Beauty is one
+of the greatest things in the world. Beauty makes us strong. Beauty
+makes us happy. I want you all to think--think hard--and tell me what
+we can do to make our lives more beautiful."
+
+Fifty-eight pairs of troubled eyes sought inspiration in the face of
+the rightful sovereign. Fifty-eight little minds wrestled dumbly.
+
+"Well, I suppose I must help you," said Miss Eudora with elephantine
+sprightliness. "Now, children, in the first place you must always read
+beautiful books; then, always look at beautiful things; and lastly,
+always think beautiful thoughts."
+
+"Miss Langdon," Teacher gently interposed, "these children cannot read
+very much--twenty-five words perhaps--and for the majority of them,
+poor little things, this school-room is the prettiest place in the
+world."
+
+"Oh, that's all right. My text is right there," said the visitor, with
+a nod towards a tree, the only large one in the district, which was
+visible through the window. It had not yet lost its leaves, and a
+shower during the preceding night had left it passably green. Turning
+to the children, now puzzled into fretful unhappiness, she clasped her
+hands, closed her eyes in rapture, and proceeded:
+
+"You all know how Beauty helps you. How it strengthens you for your
+work. Why, in the morning when you come to school you see a beautiful
+thing which cheers you for the whole day. Now, see if you can't tell
+me what it is."
+
+Another heavy silence followed and Miss Langdon turned again to Teacher.
+
+"Don't you teach them by the Socratic method?" she asked loftily.
+
+"Oh, yes," Miss Bailey replied, and then, with a hospitable desire to
+make her guest feel quite at home, she added: "But facts must be closely
+correlated with their thought-content. Their apperceiving basis is not
+large."
+
+"Ah, yes; of course," said the expert vaguely, but with a new
+consideration, and then to the waiting class: "Children, the beautiful
+thing I'm thinking of is green. Can't you think of something green and
+beautiful which you see every morning?"
+
+Eva Gonorowsky's big brown eyes fixed solemnly upon Teacher, flamed
+with sudden inspiration, and Teacher stiffened with an equally sudden
+fear. For smoothly starched and green was her whole shirtwaist, and
+carefully tied and green was her neat stock.
+
+Eva whispered jubilantly to Morris Mogilewsky, and another rumour swept
+the ranks. Intelligence flashed into face after face, and Miss Bailey
+knew that her fear was not unfounded, for, though Miss Langdon was
+waving an explanatory arm towards the open window, the gaze of the
+First Reader Class, bright with appreciation and amusement, was fixed
+on its now distracted teacher.
+
+"You can see this beautiful green joy sometimes when you are in the
+street," Miss Langdon ambled on; "but you see it best when you are
+here."
+
+Three hands shot up into the quiet air.
+
+"And I don't think the children in the other rooms see it as well as
+you do."
+
+"No ma'am," cried a delighted chorus, and eight more hands were raised.
+Prompting was reckless now and hands sprang up in all directions.
+
+"No, I don't think they do," Miss Langdon agreed. "I think perhaps
+that Heaven meant it just for you. Just for the good little boys and
+girls in this room."
+
+The enthusiasm grew wild and general. Miss Langdon turned a glance of
+triumph upon Miss Bailey, and was somewhat surprised by the very scarlet
+confusion which she saw.
+
+"It's all in the method," she said with pride, and, to the class: "Now,
+can you tell me the name of this beautiful green thing which makes us
+all so happy?"
+
+And the answer was a great, glad cry of: "Teacher's jumper!"
+
+"What?"
+
+"Teacher's jumper!" shouted the children as before, and Eva Gonorowsky,
+who had been the first to guess the jocular lady's meaning, put it
+more plainly.
+
+"Missis Bailey's got a green waist. Green is all the style this year."
+
+Miss Langdon sat down suddenly; stared; gasped; and then, as she was
+a clever woman, laughed.
+
+"Miss Bailey," she said, "you have a problem here. I wish you all
+success, but the apperceiving basis is, as you say, very limited."
+
+To the solving of this problem Teacher bent all her energies. Through
+diligent research she learned that the reading aloud of standard poems
+has been known to do wonders of mental and moral uplifting. But standard
+poems are not commonly adapted to minds six years old and of foreign
+extraction, so that Miss Bailey, though she explained, paraphrased,
+and commented, hardly flattered herself that the result was
+satisfactory. In courteous though puzzled silence the First Reader
+Class listened to enough of the poetry of the ages to have lifted them
+as high as Heaven. Wordsworth, Longfellow, Browning, any one who had
+seen and written of the beauty of bird or growing thing, was pressed
+into service. And then one day Miss Bailey brought her Shelley down
+and read his "Ode to the Skylark."
+
+"Now, don't you think that's a pretty thing?" she asked. "Did you hear
+how the lark went singing, bright and clear, up and up and up into the
+blue sky?"
+
+The children were carefully attentive, as ever, but not responsive.
+Morris Mogilewsky felt that he had alone understood the nature of this
+story. It was meant to amuse; therefore it was polite that one should
+be amused.
+
+"Teacher fools," he chuckled. "Larks ain't singin' in skies."
+
+"How do you know?" asked Miss Bailey.
+
+"'Cause we got a lark by our house. It's a from tin lark mit a cover."
+
+"A tin lark! With a cover!" Miss Bailey exclaimed. "Are you sure, dear,
+that you know what you are talking about?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an, I know," Morris began deliberately. "My papa,
+he has a lark. It's a from tin lark mit a cover. Und its got a handle
+too. Und my papa he takes it all times on the store for buy a lark of
+beer."
+
+"Lager beer! Oh, shade of Shelley!" groaned Miss Bailey's spirit, but
+aloud she only said: "No, my dear, I wasn't reading about lager beer.
+A lark is a little bird."
+
+"Well," Morris began with renewed confidence, "I know what is a bird.
+My auntie she had one from long. She says like that, she should give
+it to me, but my mamma she says, 'No, birds is foolishness.' But I
+know what is a bird. He scups on a stick in a cage."
+
+"So he does," agreed Miss Bailey, rightly inferring from Morris's
+expressive pantomime that to "scup" was to swing. "But sometimes he
+flies up into the sky in the country, as I was reading to you. Were
+you ever in the country?"
+
+"What country?" asked Morris. "Russia? I comes out of Russia."
+
+"No, not Russia. Not any particular country. Just the open country
+where the flowers grow."
+
+"No ma'an, I ain't seen it," said the child gently. "But I was once
+to Tompkins Square. On'y it was winter und snow lays on it. I ain't
+seen no flowers."
+
+"And do none of you know anything about the country?" asked Teacher
+sadly.
+
+"Oh, yiss ma'an, I know," said Eva Gonorowsky. "The country is the
+Fresh Air Fund."
+
+"Then you've been there," cried Miss Bailey. "Tell us about it, Eva."
+
+"No ma'an, I ain't seen it," said Eva proudly. "I'm healthy. But a
+girl on my block she had a sickness und so she goes. She tells me all
+times how is the country. It's got grass stickin' right up out of it.
+Grass und flowers! No ma'an, I ain't never seen it: I don't know where
+is it even, but oh! it could to be awful pretty!"
+
+"Yes, honey, it is," said Teacher. "Very, very pretty. When I was a
+little girl I lived in the country."
+
+"All day?" asked Morris.
+
+"Yes, all day."
+
+"Und all night?"
+
+"Yes, dear."
+
+"Oh, poor Miss Bailey," crooned Eva. "It could to be a awful sickness
+what you had."
+
+"No, I was very well. I lived in the country because my father had a
+house there, and I played all day in the garden."
+
+"Weren't you scared of the lions?" asked Patrick in incredulous
+admiration.
+
+"We had no lions," Miss Bailey explained apologetically. "But we had
+rabbits and guinea pigs and a horse and a cow and chickens and ducks
+and--and--"
+
+"Und eleflints," Morris suggested hope-fully.
+
+"No, we had no elephants," Teacher was forced to admit. "But we had
+a turtle and a monkey."
+
+"Did your papa have a organ?" asked Sadie Gonorowsky. "Organs mit
+monkeys is stylish for mans."
+
+"Think shame how you says!" cried her cousin Eva reproachfully. "Teacher
+ain't no Ginney. Organs ain't for Sheenies. They ain't for Krishts
+even. They all, all for Ginneys."
+
+"So's monkeys," said Sadie, unabashed. "Und organs mit monkeys _is_
+stylish."
+
+The children's deep interest in the animal kingdom gave Miss Bailey
+the point of departure for which she had been seeking. She abandoned
+Wordsworth and Shelley, and she bought a rabbit and a pair of white
+mice. The First Reader Class was enchanted. A canary in a gilded cage
+soon hung before the window and "scupped" most energetically while
+gold-fish in their bowl swam lazily back and forth. From these living
+texts, Miss Bailey easily preached care and kindness towards all
+creatures, and Room 18 came to be an energetic though independent
+branch of the S.P.C.A.
+
+The most sincere and zealous worker in the new field was Morris
+Mogilewsky, Monitor of the Gold-Fish Bowl. Day after day he earned new
+smiles and commendations from his liege lady by reports of cats and
+kittens fed and warmed, and of dogs rescued from torment. He was
+awakened one night by the cries of an outcast cat and followed the
+sounds to the roof of his tenement only to find that they came from
+another roof further down the block. The night was wet and blustering,
+but Morris was undismayed. He crawled over walls and round chimneys
+until he reached the cat and dragged her back to safety and refreshment.
+When, in the early dark of the next morning, Mrs. Mogilewsky discovered
+that the elements of the family breakfast had been lavished on the
+wanderer, she showed some natural resentment, but when she understood
+that such prodigally was encouraged, even rewarded, in high places,
+her wrath was very great.
+
+"So-o-oh, you foolishness like that on the school learns!" she fumed.
+"Und your teacher she learns you you should like so mil your papa's
+breakfast und cats make! She is then fine teacher!"
+
+"She's a awful nice teacher," cried Morris, with hot loyalty. "Awful
+nice. Sooner you seen her sooner you could to be loving mit her too.
+Ain't you _never_ comin' on the school for to see mine teacher?"
+
+"No!" his mother almost shrieked. "No! I seen her on the street once
+und she had looks off of Krishts. I don't need no Krishts. You don't
+need them neither. They ain't for us. You ain't so big like I could
+to tell you how they makes mit us in Russia. I don't like you should
+hold so much over no Krisht. For us they is devils."
+
+"Teacher ain't no devil," cried Morris, and he would have laid down
+his loyal life to have been able to add now, as he had some months
+earlier, "she ain't no Krisht neither," but he knew that his mother
+had guessed truly. Teacher was a Christian, she had told him so, and
+he had sworn to protect her secret.
+
+His mother's constant though generally smouldering hostility towards
+Miss Bailey troubled and puzzled him. In fact, many things were beyond
+his understanding. Night after night he lay in his corner behind the
+stove and listened while his father and his father's friends railed
+against the Christians and the Czar. He had seen strange meetings of
+grim and intent men, had listened to low reading of strange threats
+and mad reviling. And always he gathered that the Christian was a thing
+unspeakable, unknowable, without truth, or heart or trust. A thing to
+be feared and hated now but, in the glorious future, when the God of
+Israel should be once more remindful of his people, a thing to be
+triumphed over and trampled on.
+
+Yet each morning Morris waited at the big school door for the smile
+of a lady's face, the touch of a lady's hand, and each day he learned
+new gentleness and love, new interests and new wonders under her
+calm-eyed dominion. And behold, the lady was a Christian, and he loved
+her and she was very good to him!
+
+For his bright service to the cause of Nature in the matter of the
+cat, she had decorated him, not with a button or a garter--though
+neither would have been inappropriate--but with a ring bearing his
+initials gorgeously entwined. Then proud and happy was Morris
+Mogilewsky, and wild was the emulation of other members of the First
+Reader Class. Then serious was Teacher's account with a jeweller over
+in Columbia Street and grave her doubts as to Herr Froebel's blessing
+on the scheme. But the problem was solved. Of all the busy hours in
+Room 18's crowded day, there was none more happy than that devoted to
+"Nature Study--Domestic Animals and Home Pets."
+
+And then one morning Morris failed to answer to the roll-call. Never
+had he been absent since his first day at school, and Miss Bailey was
+full of uneasiness. Nathan Spiderwitz, Morris's friend and ally, was
+also missing, but at half-past nine he arrived entirely breathless and
+shockingly untidy.
+
+"Nathan," said Teacher reprovingly, "you are very late."
+
+"Yiss ma'an. I tells you 'scuse," gasped Nathan. "On'y Morris--"
+
+"Where is he?" cried Miss Bailey. "Is there anything the matter with
+him?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an. He ain't got no more that golden ring what you gives him
+over that cat."
+
+A murmur of commiseration swept through the room. "Oh, poor Morris!"
+sighed Eva Gonorowsky. "Ain't that fierce! From sure gold rings is
+awful stylish und they cost whole bunches of money."
+
+"Morris is a silly little boy," said Teacher crossly, for she had been
+frightened, as it now seemed, to no purpose. "I'll measure his finger
+for a new ring when he comes in."
+
+"He ain't comin'," said Nathan briefly.
+
+"Not coming to school simply because he lost a ring! Nonsense! Nathan,
+you just run back to Morris's house and tell him he must come. Tell
+him I'll give him a new ring and--"
+
+"But he ain't to his house," Nathan objected. "I seen how he goes
+away."
+
+"Well, then, how did he go away?"
+
+"Teacher, it's like this. Me und Morris we stands by our block when
+comes the baker's wagon. Und the baker he goes in the groc'ry store
+to sell bread und his wagon und horse stands by us. Und, say, on the
+horse's face is something, from leather, so the horse couldn't to eat.
+He couldn't to open his mouth even. But all times he longs out his
+neck like he should eat und he looks on me und Morris. So Morris he
+says: 'Ain't it fierce how that bad man makes mit that horse? Something
+from leather on the face ain't healthy for horses. I guess I takes it
+off.'"
+
+"But he didn't, Nathan?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an, he takes it off. He says like that: 'You know how Teacher
+says we should make all times what is lovin' mit dogs und cats und
+horses.' Und say, Teacher, Missis Bailey, that's how you says. He had
+a ring over it. A from sure gold ring mit his name--"
+
+"But the horse?" Miss Bailey interrupted. "The horse with the muzzle.
+I remember, dear, what I said, but I hope Morris didn't touch that
+baker's horse."
+
+"Sure did he," cried Nathan. "He buttons out that thing what I told
+you from leather, on the horse's face, und the horse he swallows the
+golden ring."
+
+"Why, I never heard of such a thing," gasped Miss Bailey. And Nathan
+explained.
+
+"Morris, he gives the horse a sweet potato und the horse he swallows
+the golden ring. He swallows it way, way, WAY down. Und it was from
+sure gold-"
+
+"But it must have been very loose or it wouldn't have come off his
+finger so easily."
+
+"It didn't come off," said Nathan patiently. "The horse he swallowed
+the finger too--four fingers--und it was from sure gold ring mit his
+name scratched in on it, what he had off of you, Teacher, for present
+over that cat."
+
+"Oh, you must be wrong," cried Miss Bailey, "it can't be as bad as you
+say."
+
+"Yiss ma'an, from sure gold nut--"
+
+"But his hand. Are you sure about his hand?"
+
+"I seen it," said Nathan. "I seen how comes blood on the sidewalk. I
+seen how comes a great big all of people. I seen how comes Morris's
+mamma und hollers like a fair theayter. I seen how comes Patrick
+Brennan's papa--he's a cop--und he makes come the amb'lance. Und
+sooner the doctor seen how comes blood on the sidewalk he says like
+this: so Morris bleeds four more inches of blood he don't got no more
+blood in his body. Say, I seen right into Morris He's red inside.
+So-o-oh, the doctor he bandages up his hand und takes him in the
+amb'lance, und all times his mamma hollers und yells und says mad words
+on the doctor so he had a mad over her. Und Morris he lays in the
+amb'lance und cries. Now he's sick."
+
+School dragged heavily that morning for the distressed and powerless
+Miss Bailey. She thought remorsefully of the trusty armour of timidity
+which she had, plate by plate, stripped from her favourite, and of the
+bravery and loving kindness which she had so carefully substituted and
+which had led the child--Where?
+
+"Nathan," she called as the children were going home, "do you know to
+what hospital Morris was taken? Did you see the doctor?"
+
+"Sure did I."
+
+"Was he a tall doctor? Had you ever seen him before?"
+
+"No ma'an," answered Nathan with a beautiful directness. "It wasn't
+your fellow We ain't seen him from long. But Morris he goes on the
+Guv'neer Hospital. I ain't never seen the doctor, but I knows the
+driver und the horse."
+
+Shortly after three o'clock that afternoon Miss Bailey and Doctor
+Ingraham were standing beside a little bed in Gouverneur Hospital.
+
+"Nathan is a horrible little liar," said the doctor genially. "Morris
+will be as well as ever in a week or so. The horse stood on his foot
+and bruised it rather badly, but he has all his fingers and his ring
+too. Haven't you, old man?"
+
+"Yiss ma'an, yiss sir; I got it here," answered the boy, as, with his
+uninjured hand, he drew up his battered trophy, hung about his neck
+on a piece of antiseptic gauze. "It's from sure gold und you gives it
+to me over that cat. But say, Teacher, Missis Bailey, horses ain't
+like cats."
+
+"No, dear, I know; that was a wicked horse."
+
+"Yiss ma'an; I guess you don't know 'bout horses. You said boys should
+make all times what is loving mit horses, but horses don't make what
+is lovin' mit boys. Und my mamma she says it's a foolishness you should
+make what is lovin' mit somebody sooner somebody don't make what is
+loving mit you."
+
+"That," said Dr. Ingraham, with a reproachful eye upon Miss Bailey,
+"is one of the truest truths in all the laws and the prophets. 'A
+foolishness' it certainly is."
+
+"That's how my mamma says," Morris plaintively continued. "Und I guess
+she knows. I done it und now I'm got a sickness over it."
+
+"Of course you have," acquiesced the doctor. "So have I. We all get
+it at times and its name is--"
+
+"Don't listen to him, honey," Miss Bailey interrupted. "You will be
+all right again in a few weeks."
+
+"Years," interposed the doctor.
+
+"And while you are here I shall come to see you every day to bring you
+books and candy and to tell you stories."
+
+"Tell me one now," Morris implored. "Take off your hat so I can put
+mine head at your necktie, und then you should tell me that story over,
+'Once upon some time when that world was young.'"
+
+It was nearly five o'clock when Miss Bailey gently disengaged herself
+and set out upon her uptown way. She passed from the hush of the
+hospital walls and halls into another phase of her accountability.
+Upon the steps, a woman, wild-eyed and dishevelled, was hurling an
+unintelligible mixture of pleading and abuse upon the stalwart frame
+of Patrick Brennan's father, the policeman on the beat. The woman tore
+her hair, wept, and beat her breast, but Mr. Brennan's calm was
+impassive.
+
+"You can't see him," he remarked. "Didn't they tell you that Thursday
+was visiting day? Well, and isn't this Choos-day? Go home now and shut
+up."
+
+"Mine Gott, he will die!" wailed the woman.
+
+"Not he," said Mr. Brennan. "Go home now and come back on Thursday.
+There's no good standing there. And there's no good in coming back in
+half an hour. You'll not see him before Thurs-day."
+
+The woman fell to wild weeping and her sympathetic neighbours followed
+suit.
+
+"Ach, mine little boy!" she wailed. "Mine arme little Morris!" And
+"arme little Morris" the neighbours echoed.
+
+"Morris Mogilewsky?" asked Miss Bailey.
+
+"Yes ma'an," answered Mr. Brennan with a shrug.
+
+"Yes ma'an," cried the neighbours in shrill chorus.
+
+"Yes ma'an," wailed the woman. "Mine Morris. They makes I shouldn't
+to see him. They takes him here the while he gets killed off of a
+horse."
+
+"Killed und chawed off of a horse," shrieked the comforting neighbours.
+
+"And are you his mother?" pursued Miss Bailey.
+
+"Yes ma'an," they all answered as before.
+
+"Very well, I think I can take you to see him. But not if you are going
+to be noisy."
+
+A stillness as of death settled upon Mrs. Mogilewsky as she sank down
+at Miss Bailey's feet in dumb appeal. And Constance Bailey saw in the
+eyes, so like Morris's, fixed upon her face, a world of misery which
+she had surely though innocently wrought.
+
+Dr. Ingraham was summoned and bent to Miss Bailey's will. A few moments
+later Morris's languid gaze embraced his mother, his teacher, and his
+doctor. The latter found Mrs. Mogilewsky's woe impervious to any
+soothing. "Chawed off of a horse!" she whimpered. "All the child what
+I got, chawed off of a horse!"
+
+"Wicked old horse!" ejaculated Teacher.
+
+"Crazy old Teacher!" snorted Mrs. Mogilewsky. "Fool old Teacher! I
+sends my little boy on the school so he should the English write und
+talk und the numbers learn so he comes--through the years maybe
+--American man, und she learns him foolishness over dogs und cats und
+horses. Crazy, crazy, crazy!"
+
+"Oh, come now. That's rather strong," remonstrated Doctor Ingraham,
+with a quizzical glance at Miss Bailey. Mrs. Mogilewsky wheeled towards
+her benefactress.
+
+"Do you know Morris's teacher?" she asked eagerly. "Ach, lady, kind
+lady, tell me where is her house; I like I shall tell her how she make
+sickness on my little boy. He lays on the bed over her. I like I should
+tell her somethings."
+
+"Mrs. Mogilewsky," began Miss Bailey, gently, "there is nothing you
+could say to her that would make her more sorry than she is. She is
+broken-hearted already, and if you don't stop talking like that you
+will make her cry. And then Morris would surely cry too; shouldn't
+you, dearie?"
+
+"Teacher, yiss ma'an," quavered Morris.
+
+"You!" groaned Mrs. Mogilewsky. "Be you Morris's teacher? Gott, how
+I makes mistakes! So you learn him that foolishness extra so he gets
+chawed off of horses?"
+
+"Nonsense," interposed the doctor. "Miss Bailey is ridiculously fond
+of that child of yours."
+
+"So-o-oh," began Mrs. Mogilewsky. "So-o-oh, she ain't done it extra?"
+
+"Purposely? Of course not," answered the doctor.
+
+"Ach, well, I should better maybe, excuse her." Mrs. Mogilewsky,
+placated and bland, resumed: "I excuse her the while she ain't so awful
+old. She makes, sometimes, mistakes too. I like you should come--the
+both--on my house for see me some day. That makes me glad in mine
+heart."
+
+"Oh mamma, mamma," cried Morris, "they couldn't to come by our house.
+They is Krishts. She is Krishts und he is Krishts. From long she tells
+me. Und you says, you says--"
+
+"Think shame," his mother admonished him. "Ain't you seen how she is
+lovin' mit you? Und Morris, mine golden one, I am all times lovin' mit
+somebody what is lovin' mit you. Ain't I excused her over it und made
+her invitation on my house?
+
+"And we shall be delighted," said the doctor, as he led the speechless
+Miss Bailey away. "It is uncommonly good of you to have forgiven her.
+But, as you, with keenest insight, discern, she is not very old. Perhaps
+she will reform."
+
+"Reform! I hate the very word," sighed Miss Bailey, for the day had
+been trying and her discouragement was great. "I've been trying to
+reform these people ever since I came down here. I've failed and failed
+and failed; misunderstood time and time again; made mistake after
+mistake. And now I've nearly killed that boy. The woman was right. It
+was all my fault."
+
+"It might be better--" began the Doctor and halted. "You might be
+happier if you--"
+
+"Resigned?" suggested Teacher. "Yes, sometimes I think I shall."
+"Do," said Doctor Ingraham. "That's a capital beginning."
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
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