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If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: How to Get Married, Although a Woman - or, The Art of Pleasing Men - -Author: Young Widow - -Release Date: September 11, 2021 [eBook #66270] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Demian Katz, Craig Kirkwood, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (Images courtesy of - the Digital Library@Villanova University.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO GET MARRIED, ALTHOUGH A -WOMAN *** - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_), and text -enclosed by equal signs is in bold (=bold=). - -Additional Transcriber’s Notes are at the end. - - * * * * * - - - - -HOW TO GET MARRIED ALTHOUGH A WOMAN; - - - OR, THE ART OF PLEASING MEN. - - By “A YOUNG WIDOW.” - - (COPYRIGHT 1892 BY J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING CO.) - - OHIO CARD CO., - COLUMBUS OHIO - - * * * * * - -Murine Eye Remedies - -[Illustration] - -Murine is a Reliable Domestic Eye Remedy, Perfectly Harmless, and -should be in the Medicine Closet of every Family, as a “First Aid” for -Injuries or Diseased Conditions of that delicate organ, the Eye. - -It does not Smart or Irritate the Eye, but is Soothing in its action. -Tonic, Astringent and an Antiseptic Lotion, and while it is used by -Physicians it is in every sense a Domestic Remedy and can be used by -every one with Perfect Safety for the Prevention of Eye Troubles and -for Affections and Diseases of the external surface of the Eye and Lids. - -Recommended for Weak Eyes, Strained Eyes, Itching Eyes, Red Eyes and -Eyelids, for Well Eyes that are Tired, for Red Eyes from Weeping, for -Redness and Swelling of the Eyelids, and for Eyes affected by the -excessive use of Tobacco and Stimulants. - -Your Druggist sells Murine Eye Remedies. Our Books mailed Free, tell -you all about them and how to use them. - -May be sent by mail at following prices. - - Murine Eye Remedy 30c., 60c., $1.00 - DeLuxe Toilet Edition--For the Dressing Table 1.25 - Tourist--Autoist--in Leather Case 1.25 - Murine Eye Salve in Aseptic Tubes 25c., 1.00 - Granuline--For Chronic Sore Eyes and Trachoma 1.50 - - MURINE EYE REMEDY CO. - No. Nine East Ohio Street, CHICAGO, U. S. A. - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - CHAPTER. PAGE. - - I. Girls and Matrimony 5 - - II. The Girl whom Men Like 20 - - III. The Girl who Wins 41 - - IV. The Girl who Fails 55 - - V. Some Unfailing Methods 84 - - VI. A Word of Warning 91 - - VII. The Secret of the Widow’s Power 107 - - VIII. “Lady Beauty” 119 - - IX. The Loved Wife 128 - - Choice Selections in Poetry and Prose 145 - - * * * * * - -HOW TO GET MARRIED, ALTHOUGH A WOMAN. - - - - -CHAPTER I. GIRLS AND MATRIMONY. - - -It is natural for girls to wish to marry. The desire to do so is not to -be condemned, but rather applauded, for it is Heaven-born. The Creator -implanted it in the human heart, man and woman alike. God made man for -woman and woman for man. He did not intend that they should live apart -from each other. When He said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” -He included woman in the man. It is not good for woman to live alone. -He put a longing in the heart of man and woman alike which is only -satisfied by the love of the other. He made a void in the heart which -can only be filled by the companionship and love of one of the opposite -sex. Man and woman are alike in this. It is as natural to her as to -him: she can no more help it than he can. The unnatural part is that -a woman must keep still about it, and if no one comes to woo, try to -stifle the longing. - -There are plenty who hold up their hands in holy horror when it is -said that a certain girl wishes to marry. It is nothing at all out of -the way when _Mr. Jones_ says _he_ has determined to marry. If his -sister Mollie gave voice to such a sentiment, it would be shocking, -however. It would be shocking for her to give expression to the longing -the all-wise Father has implanted in her heart. It is a heart, too, -that will never be satisfied with yearning only, with fame, with any -vocation, with dumb animals, with other people’s children; and it is a -wise thing it will not. It is not a wise thing, however, that Mollie -will be condemned because she cannot be satisfied without having a -fireside and home of her own, because she wants a big loving fellow to -care for her and to protect her, and whom she can love and make happy, -because she wants her own home, no matter how small it is, to adorn -and make pretty, her own housekeeping to look after, her own and his -children to care for; because she wants her own wifehood, just as her -brother wants a wife and home of his own and will not be satisfied to -be a bachelor. - -Let him make up his mind to marry. The world will approve of his -decision. Let Mollie do the same thing. I want to see girls marry. I am -always glad when I hear that one is engaged to do so. To help some to -do so, I write these few chapters. There are too many old maids. There -are more than there need to be. - -I feel particularly sorry for the girl who has passed the line of youth -and who has no admirers. Her brothers are all married, and most of her -girlhood friends are absorbed in a husband and a baby. She has none, -when doubtless she has it within her to make a good wife and mother. -She is often restless, unsatisfied, disappointed. If she is at all -weak-minded, she becomes sour as she grows older. She grows envious of -all happily married women, and has a secret grudge toward men because -she feels that she has been slighted by the sex generally. Many a girl -who would make a good wife is soured by her failure to become one, and -turns out an unpleasant member of society. All old maids are not by any -means like this, however. There are many unmarried women in the world -that will take up cheerfully any fate, turning their disappointment -into a blessing for others. - -But I fear that, after all, they go through life with a heart -unsatisfied. Alone, when they look into the secret chambers of that -uncomplaining heart, they see there the old longings for love. - -There are unmarried women who do a great deal of good in the world. -They accept their solitary lot as the will of the Heavenly Father. -But is it His will? Does He give the heart longings which He will not -satisfy? No. A thousand times, No. That would be tantalizing us. Too -often we make mistakes in life, and then declare the consequences to be -His will. It is so in failing to marry. Girls make mistakes in their -conduct and remain spinsters. The fault is their own. They do not know -how to attract, and so are passed by. - -Plenty of girls do so well understand the art of attracting men, that -they have numberless offers of marriage. I know women who could not -count up on their ten fingers the men who have been in love with them: -among them men who for their sakes have remained unmarried through -life. I have had personal acquaintance with women who have been married -three times, and could, some of them, be married again. I know other -women who have never had one admirer. - -I know girls who can attract men to them, and almost as soon as they -are attracted, repel them. That sort of a girl never marries. She wants -to do so, and acts through ignorance. I have sometimes felt like giving -a girl a good shaking when I have seen her spoil her own chances. I -have been dying to whisper a word of advice at times, but was too -wise to do so, knowing it would not be well received. Girls know so -fearfully much! The experiences of a mature woman count for nothing -beside the wonderful knowledge some girls in their teens have! In the -hope that some of these maidens will be willing to read what they would -not hear, when it was too personal, I determined to write down what I -know about being attractive to the other sex, what I know about girls’ -failures, and why they fail. - -Not long ago there appeared in “The Woman’s Department” of one of our -daily papers a letter from a young girl, in which she confessed that -she loved a young man who did not return her affection. She asked what -she should do to win him. The editor could not tell her, advising her -to give him up, very much as if it were a pleasure excursion the poor -girl was writing about. There are times when it is necessary to give up -all hope of winning a man. This, however, did not appear to have been -one of them. The girl should have been told just how she could attract, -then win him. Perhaps the editor did not herself know. - -If a girl is thrown much in the society of a young man whose affections -are not previously engaged, and if she knows how to do it, she is -quite sure to make him love her. If, however, he cares for some one -else, who cares for him, no true woman will in any way try to come -between the two: she will rather avoid doing so. If the girl has -become interested before she knows of his engagement, it is a case of -misplaced affections. There I must advise giving him up. Get interested -in another man, and win that one. It might be well always for a girl -to find out first whether or not a man is interested in some one else. -That would often save a world of trouble. A misplaced affection, when -foolishly adhered to will stand in the way of a happy marriage. It is -not always the _man_ you love. Not unfrequently it is your ideal which -you make a certain man fill. Often, if you are not blinded, you will -see that instead of filling it, he “wobbles” around in the large space -you have given him. That ideal can easily be transferred to another -man. Very few hearts are so true that they love but once. They may do -so in stories, but in real life we change. We rarely marry our first -love, and almost always forget all about him. - -After marriage it is a different thing. Then it is no ideal: it is -real. The man you love is real. The love is real, and continues even -after “death do you part.” - -So, let no misplaced affection stand between you and marriage. Return -a love if it is offered you and the man is desirable, or set yourself -to win one. Do not go about sighing for a man who belongs to another -girl. He never gives you a thought--they are hers. Have too much -self-respect, and too high an opinion of your charms to think about -him. In a few years, impossible as it may seem now, when you meet him -middle-aged and a family man, you will wonder what you ever saw in -him to care about. This sounds heartless, but it is true. It goes to -prove that in early life before marriage it is the ideal and not the -man a girl often loves. If I am mistaken in that, I am not mistaken -in saying that a girl is happier married to a man for whom she cares -less than she did for this ideal, than in remaining a spinster because -some other girl bore off the heart she craved. To my mind a woman is -happier married under almost any circumstances than single. That I know -is against the teachings of to-day, and does not savor the least of -woman’s rights. I believe her “rights” is to be married. - -Sometimes a girl who is attractive enough to win any man is kept from -marriage by the selfish attentions of one man who either cannot or will -not say anything to her about marrying him. This is not an unfrequent -occurrence. A man who, on account of his circumstances, cannot marry, -or who, because he prefers his freedom, will not marry, will pay -attention to a girl for years. He wins her affections, and keeps away -others who would be glad to marry her. Meantime she hopes that every -day she will hear the words he has given her a right to expect to hear. -In the end, if she allows this thing to continue, she will be an old -maid. - -No matter how much you care for a man, give him up if, after a certain -length of time, he says nothing to you about marriage. You will lose -nothing in the end by doing so, and may gain him. If he really cares -for you, the danger of losing you will make him more anxious to possess -you. Then, if ever, he will find means to ask you to marry him. If he -does not then, he never would. If giving him up hurts you, heal the -wound by remembering that his intentions could not have been serious, -and that he has allowed himself to lose you. Remember, too, that the -hurt will come some time, anyway, and most likely when you are beyond -the age to attract any one else. So giving him up while you are yet -young means a marriage with some other man. Clinging weakly to him -means, without doubt, that he will, when you are no longer young and -attractive, cast you away for a fairer face. - -Never so far forget your self-respect as to ask a dilatory lover his -intentions. Never allow your father or brother so to demean you. If a -man has intentions, no matter how bashful he is, he will declare them. -If he does not do so, he has none, and you had better give up all hope -in that direction. There are always plenty more men about who will care -for you, and who will let you know it too. - -Three such cases have come to my knowledge. The girl acted differently -in each one. The first clung to her dilatory lover till he finally left -her when she was too old to attract any one else. Now, alone in the -world, she supports herself by keeping a boarding-house. The second one -had her father ask the lover his intentions, and in that way roped him -in. It was not a happy marriage. A third gave up the man who would not -propose, and shortly afterwards married another man for whom she grew -to care a great deal more. - -Some attractive girls live in small towns where they can meet no one -whom they could or would marry. Consequently they have to remain -single. In such a case a man would go out and seek a wife. A girl -cannot exactly do that. She can, however, sometimes change her place -of residence for that purpose. When it makes little difference, as -far as business is concerned, where a family live, I believe a father -owes this duty to his unmarried daughters. He can take her where she -will be likely to meet an eligible man. I once knew a father with two -young daughters who left his country home for their sakes. He took a -nice house in Philadelphia, and remained there till they were both -married, then returned home. A widow with three daughters left her -farm and rented a large furnished house in New York City. As a means -of support she took first-class boarders. The eldest was considerably -over thirty, but they were all three attractive. Being so placed where -they met gentlemen, none of them were long in marrying. A maiden lady -of forty-one, very jolly, bright, and good-natured, interesting but not -pretty, and so fleshy she was a sight, had never in the east met a man -whom she could marry. She went to California to visit a sister, and in -less than a year was married to a wealthy widower. - -Change of residence will often change the lonely spinster, young or -advanced, into a happy wife. - - - - -CHAPTER II. THE GIRL WHOM MEN LIKE. - - -Leaving matrimony out of the question, it is desirable for a girl to -aim to be a favorite with men generally. She should be a girl whom all -men like, whether or not that liking ripens into a feeling more tender. -Then she always stands the chance of its so ripening. Many a man goes -through life till he has made a success of his business without giving -a thought to marriage. When he is ready to marry, he looks about him -without any sentiment often to see whom of his lady friends he would -like for a wife. Ten to one he hits upon a girl whose character has -called forth his friendly admiration. This once settled he straightway -falls in love with something to build upon. Widowers will frequently -marry a girl of whom they thought well when the wife was yet living. - -Mere beauty counts for less in the long run than is generally supposed. -It has less power in determining matrimonial choice than you would -think. Its first effects are too strong in proportion to its other -effects. It is seen at once, and instead of growing upon the beholder, -its power rather lessens as it becomes familiar. The two most beautiful -girls I ever met are now old maids. The most winning girl I ever -knew had absolutely a plain face. There was a charm about her which -attracted all men, and which made them swear, after they knew her, that -she was a most beautiful creature. Even after she had refused a man, he -loved and admired her. - -You all want to look as pretty as you can, but you must not place -any dependence upon beauty to settle you in life. Many men prefer -stylish girls to pretty ones. Look about you at the married women of -your acquaintance. How few of them are pretty now, or were in their -youth. Two of the worst wives I have ever known are pretty women. -Their husbands made the mistake of marrying for beauty. A vain girl is -generally selfish, and men do like an unselfish girl. A man wants an -unselfish wife. - -If you wish men to admire you, you must first be a true woman with -a noble character. Look to your home-life. Men catch glimpses of -that when you least think it. They know well that an industrious, -sweet-tempered, unselfish daughter makes an industrious, -sweet-tempered, unselfish wife. A girl of whom her brother is very -fond, and whose special friend she is, goes into the society of men, -where it is known, with a wonderful recommendation. As a general thing -you can tell how a girl will treat her husband by the way she treats -her brother. I once knew a young man who asked a girl to marry him -because he saw her tender, loving solicitude for her brother. - -Men like bright girls. Even the most sober prefer a jolly, laughing -girl. As I once heard a man say about a very merry one, “Think of -having such a creature always in your home! You wouldn’t have much -chance for blues.” I knew a wonderfully homely girl who was so jolly -that men surrounded her wherever she went. Men like a good time, -and a lively girl will give it to them. If you cannot all be jolly, -you can be bright, talkative, and interested. Jolly girls are never -sentimental. A man hates a sentimental girl. Sentimental looks, long -faces, teary expressions are only attractive in novels. Men, out of -books, do not like to wipe away tears--they prefer to walk away from -them. Never forget that a man is a selfish being. Keep that little fact -in view continually; and if you want to please him, pander to it. If -anything will disgust a man with a girl, it is to see her make a fuss. -Even if you have real heart-sorrow, the more you control yourself, -the more you will be admired. Remember you look your very worst when -you cry. The tears do not “well up,” and “overflow,” “chasing each -other down your alabaster cheeks like so many pearly drops,” as they -do in novels. No: your face squints up, while your eyes and nose get -red. Instead of being attractive, unless the man for whose benefit you -have gotten up this scene loves you, he will walk away. It is manlike -to walk off at the first sign of a storm, and to avoid everything -uncomfortable. Bear that in mind. When you treat a man to a scene on -any subject, you lose your hold upon him. Ten to one he will leave you -to seek the society of some lively girl who is wise enough to hide her -tears. - -A man likes a sensible girl. He likes real good common sense. Nothing -is more trying than an unreasonable woman, and a man will not have -anything to do with her when he does not have to do so. He may be -politely pleasant to her, but he does not care to have her for his -wife. To be sure plenty of unreasonable, trying women are wives. -(I would they were not!) They had the faculty of hiding their real -character before the binding vows were spoken. It is better to have -nothing to hide. Be your honest true self always. If you are naturally -endowed with common sense, try to cultivate it. Learn to be reasonable, -and try not to be governed by your feelings. A man never cares for a -girl whose feelings and not duty are her guide. Bear in mind that I -am not talking about the man who is in love with you, but the one who -views you calmly but may sometime love you. - -Men like good-natured girls. I know two sisters, the eldest of whom is -quick-tempered, resentful, ill-spoken, and is over thirty without a -gentleman friend. She never had one. The younger, not yet nineteen, is -good-natured and lively. All the men who know her like her. One man, in -fear of her being carried off by some one else, has secured her promise -to marry him. - -A man likes to feel that the wife he takes to his home is going to -brighten that home. He does not want a high temper to contend with. A -girl never shows off to a worse advantage than when she is angry. Men -are attracted by sweetness of disposition. No greater compliment could -be paid to any woman than is paid to the Princess of Wales when she is -called Her Royal Sweetness. Directly we hear that, we are drawn to her. - -Sweetness of mind and manner is woman’s greatest charm. A sweet woman -is beloved by every one. It is woman’s province to be sweet. Gail -Hamilton says, “It is the first duty of woman to be a lady.” I say, it -is her first duty, after being a Christian (which is certainly first -of everything), to be sweet. She says to be a lady is more than to be -a prince. Let me add that to be Her Royal Sweetness is more than to be -Her Royal Highness. We all are won by a sweet manner. A sweet smile -will even draw us to a stranger. It can be yours if you will cultivate -it. Begin at home. Lay the foundation there. Be sweet at heart. Do -not put on gracious smiles and winning ways for the outside world -only. If they are not natural, you will be caught tripping sometimes. -Circumstances may arise when you will show the man whom you are the -most anxious to win what you truly are. Although that will be a good -thing for him, it will be bad for you. Be genuine. Counterfeit is -detected in the long run. I know a woman who outside is the very ideal -of sweetness, but who is a perfect demon at home. She won her husband, -whom she now drives almost to madness, by that assumed sweetness. In -spite of smiles and graciousness, she is the most friendless woman I -know. The world demands genuine coin, and will detect counterfeit. -So begin at home to be sweet, and unconsciously it will become your -natural manner. You will not have to assume it: it will be your own. - -A girl may be more than plain, even homely, but if her manners are -gentle, her voice sweet and low, her bearing womanly, her power is -wonderful. A charming smile unlocks many a door which is barred to a -stiff, ungracious manner. A charming smile warms every one it greets. -It is particularly winning to a man. It has in it a welcome which -fascinates him, and brings him to you again. A gracious, sweet manner -is of more account in winning your way with the sterner sex than -millions. More girls are married for their sweetness than for their -money. A charming, bright greeting, will sometimes engage a man’s -interest or attention on the spot. - -“Be courteous” at all times. “Be courteous” under all circumstances -even the most trying, in your family, among friends, and with -strangers. I remember it was said of a sweet girl at school, “She would -be polite to Satan himself if he came to her room.” I almost believe -it. I once heard a truly sweet girl say, “I was so provoked;” when -another girl broke in, “I don’t believe that. Any one knows that you -cannot get provoked.” - -Sensible men like an economical girl. A man does not want to feel that -after marriage all his money, especially if he does not have much of -it, is going to be wasted. - -Men like healthy girls. A man hates to hear a woman complain. He is -not sympathetic. Men rarely are; but then you must take them as you -find them, not as you would have them. Just there lies the secret of -some girls’ failure to attract; they have no patience with a man’s -imperfections, and are unwise enough to allow him to see that they have -discovered them. - -Men like girls who are hearty and who have a hearty interest in things. -A real live girl is always a favorite. A man avoids a sentimental girl. -Do not quote poetry. Do not look languishing. Do not model your conduct -after the heroines of novels. Study real life, and be real. Do not -expect anything to occur to you as it does to girls in novels: it never -will. - -Do not exact too much attention. A man hates to give it where it is -exacted, even when it is your right. It is their way to pay it only -when they feel like doing so. A man never wants to be controlled. -Before he is in love, he is particularly alive to any effort to do so. -When he is in love, he is more blind to it; but even then it is not -well to press it. - -To be thoroughly attractive you must have a great deal of tact. Tact -has been called the supremest weapon in a woman’s hands. Without it, -she is helpless. With it, she is powerful. Tact will enable you to see -just what to do, how to do it, what to say, and how to say it. Men are -not all alike. What will please one may not please another. They are -all built on the same general plan, however, and if you know one well, -you know pretty much all there is to be known about the whole sex. Yet -different lines of conduct are to be pursued with different men. A girl -with tact grasps this in a moment. Indeed, she grasps the situation -every time and pleases every time. You must understand man-nature. -You can learn a great deal of it from your brother. Let me tell you -too that if girls would more frequently advise with their brothers, -they would get along a hundred-fold better. A brother can give you an -insight into other men, and at the same time look after your interests. -You will rarely fail to go right and to do right, if you will make him -your confidant. Find out what he likes, and you will know what other -men like. - -If you would be attractive, you must hide your feelings. I know of no -time at home or abroad when it is well to show your real feelings if -they are disagreeable. Bear in mind that I do not lay down a code of -laws to be practised only abroad regardless of your home-life. Let the -first man upon whom you try your winning arts be your father. Make him -sure that you are the most perfect of girls. Then try your brothers. As -the most lovely of daughters and sisters, you will be real when you are -attracting other men by your winning manners. - -A man likes a girl who is read up--at least in the news of the day. He -does not want to be instructed, and he never likes a girl who knows -better than he does about things. If even you are sure he is wrong, do -not correct him. That would be a wound to his vanity, which is itself -a fatal thing to do. If you are better educated than he is, do not let -him know it. Appear to receive instruction, and let your knowledge -be a sort of cushion for his. Be interested in what he talks about, -and willing to learn. Give him your full attention when he talks to -you. It is a lack of tact that makes a girl show a want of interest. -It is a lack of tact too that makes a girl let a man see what a good -opinion she has of herself, when she ought to be showing him what a -good opinion she has of him. It is very well to have it settled in -your own mind just what you are, and what your attractions are, but do -not let any know of that opinion. It is well to have a good opinion of -yourself: it will give you an ease in society and a confidence to go -ahead and win. Be sure, however, that you are worthy of that opinion. -Be sure that you are not deceiving even yourself. - -Never allow a man to sacrifice his comfort for you. If he is rude -enough even to ask to smoke in your presence, with your sweetest smile -give him permission to do so. Promote his comfort in every possible -way. They notice these things and like such attentions. Do not feel -it your right always to have the best of everything and he the worst. -Decline to accept the sacrifices that he as a gentleman will insist -upon making. Some girls will heedlessly accept anything with a sort of -blind gross selfishness. The girl who is unselfish at home, and who -looks out for the comfort of her family before she does her own, will -unconsciously carry the same winning spirit with her wherever she goes. -The girl who is selfish at home, and who puts on her sweetness with -company dress, will often forget all about it, especially under any -excitement. - -Do not allow a man to spend much money upon you. He rarely cares to -do so, but does it because it is customary among a certain class, and -thinks that you expect it of him. Give him a pleasant surprise when -he invites you into a restaurant or elsewhere, by declining. You do -not want to be indebted to him in a monetary point of view--it lessens -your dignity. It would not be a pleasant thing to hear him count up how -much he has spent upon you. A man will do it, and make remarks about -it to other men too. They have it all done to a fine point, and know -just which girl is expensive in her tastes, and which one it costs the -most to take out. I have heard them talk when I have been behind the -scenes. Some girls, I am sorry to say, will even go so far as to hint -that they would like to be taken to a certain entertainment or out for -refreshments. There is much bitter truth in the jokes we read about the -ice-cream girl. The writer of them, I always think, has smarted under -the custom. - -No matter what a man is himself, he likes a modest girl. True modesty -has a great charm. A girl without it is like a faded flower. As a -general thing, her end is sad. Beauty is fleeting, but modesty gives -a charm which outlasts youth. A retiring, gentle girl is something -to seek after; and a man rather seek. A bold girl may receive more -attentions from a certain class of men, but less love in the long run. -That “certain class of men” you want to avoid instead of seeking to -attract them. The real gentleman, the kind for whose attentions you -care, never wants anything to do with a bold, loud girl. The loud girl -is never a lady. Cultivate a low, sweet voice at all times. Abjure -slang and chewing gum. Of the two evils I do not know which is the -worst; but I do know that no true lady is addicted to either. - -Men like large-minded, large-hearted girls. They like girls who have no -envy in their nature, who can be fair and just even to a rival, who -will see good in every one, and speak of that instead of the evil. - -If you meet a girl whom you feel is your superior, emulate her; try to -become all she is. At the same time, be large enough to acknowledge -her excellence. Your very humility and sweet praise of her will be -a winning grace. Ten to one the man will think how sweet you are -instead of seeing the excellent traits you point out in her. Bitter, -narrow-minded girls have an idea they can bring a superior girl down to -their level by casting mud at her. It is a species of mud that always -flies back, with a sort of a double back-action arrangement, and does -all the harm to the thrower. In the first place, it is not Christ-like -to speak unkindly of any one; in the second, men hate to hear it. It is -only a weak one who will join in with you. In the third place, it is so -small, and tells so plainly that you are narrow, envious, inferior. -Instead of trying to pull a girl down, always try to climb up beyond -her heights. Be large enough to discern and acknowledge whatever good -you see in any one. Be charitable to the wrong-doings of your friends. -Never mention the plainly seen faults of another girl. In this evil -world, be as though you saw no evil. Be pure. “To the pure all things -are pure.” Let all things and all people be pure in your sight. - -Make yourself worth having, and men will want to have you. Strive to -cultivate a true womanliness and to become an efficient person. Be a -girl who can help herself, who is not ignorant of work or too lazy to -do it. Do not be a mere toy whom men will flirt with and then drop when -they want to marry a woman who will be a helpmeet. Sensible men do not -want to marry a bundle of nothing for a wife. When they are cheated -into doing so, they repent it all their lives. You do not want to think -that the man whom you will marry is going to repent the act. I know I -would rather die on my wedding-day. I think that if a man to whom I was -married should hint by word or deed of such a repentance, I would feel -that my life was a complete failure, and should want to go out of it -then and there. - -Be accomplished and brilliant if possible, but above all things prepare -yourself to be a helpmeet for a man. Men like talents in a girl, -especially music; but a man likes to have his wife know how to keep -house. Learn that. Learn to make all sorts of garments and to cook, -even if you are wealthy. - - - - -CHAPTER III. THE GIRL WHO WINS. - - -Being an attractive girl whom all men like is not exactly the same -thing as setting about deliberately to win some one man’s heart. It has -been said that the girl thinks of matrimony before the man does. He -goes on blindly and thoughtlessly until he is so deep in love that he -cannot retreat; while from the very start she thinks whether or not she -would like to wed him. - -It may be that you know some young man whom in a womanly way you would -like to win. Let us suppose that in the secret recesses of your heart -you have decided that you would like to marry him. - -In the first place, you must not fall deeply in love with him. If -you fail, you do not want to be broken-hearted; and too, when a girl -is really up and down in love, she loses control of herself. She is -no longer sure of herself and of her conduct. You must keep cool and -calculating. You must admire the man, and feel that at that time he is -the only one you could love. Lose just enough of your heart so that, -when he is won and asks for your love, you can give it to him. - -You must be able to arrange your mode of warfare, and always have -perfect possession of yourself. There must be no silly excitement when -he is present, and downcast face when he is away. Such a course would -surely provoke comment; and your conduct must not be commented upon. No -one must be allowed to suspect that you are interested in him. It is -not your province in any way to go a-wooing; but you can work wonders -in the way of winning the man you want. I have read that a woman may -marry whom she will. I almost believe she can. You cannot, however, go -about in an open way as a man can. With him the battle is sometimes -half won when he makes it known that he wishes marriage. With you it -would be all lost. - -You must never run after a man. Make yourself so attractive that he -will seek you. Then it is all in your own hands. You can keep him -beside you. You may have to wait some time for him to come. Be patient. -Nothing is ever accomplished without patience. An impatient, nervous -anxiety on your part will be likely to spoil everything. Never go where -you know he will be and where he does not expect you, if you can avoid -doing so. Better, by far, let him miss you where he anticipates seeing -you than to see too much of you. His disappointment will show him how -much he is interested in you. - -Do not hesitate to let him see that you have a modest, maidenly -interest in him. Men like that. It must be done in a retiring way as -if you did not intend to have him see it, but could not help yourself. -While a man will boast of a girl running after him, this little secret -of yours, which by his acuteness(!) he has discovered, he will keep -sacredly to himself. The very modesty with which you try to veil it -will heighten its value in his eyes. - -Do not hesitate to let him see by your greeting that he is welcome. -I do not mean that you are to be effusive. It is done by your smile, -your look, more than by words. Girls make the mistake of greeting a man -coolly in fear of appearing forward or of showing a regard. Never be -cool to the man you want to win. Ward McAllister says in his “Society -as I Have Found It”: “The value of a pleasant manner is impossible to -estimate. It is like sunshine; it gladdens. You feel it, and are at -once attracted to the person without knowing why.” - -Young girls are rarely mistress of these sweet, little, but telling -arts. The knowing just how comes later in life. Balzac has said that a -woman of thirty is at her most fascinating and dangerous period. The -women who have been the most famous for their power over hearts have -all been nearer forty than twenty. This seems incredible to you yet -in your teens. You now look upon twenty-five as a species of old age. -At thirty, you think, as far as men are concerned, a woman is in the -sere and yellow leaf; while at forty they are little less than in their -dotage. Look out, that while you are counting on your youth to marry -you, some of these females in the sere and yellow leaf, or even in -their dotage, will carry off the prize, because she knows how and you -do not. The fact is, the woman of thirty is still young now-a-days, -whatever she was in our grandmothers’ time. - -She can win men’s love too. She knows the world so well that she takes -men as she finds them, while the girl in her teens does not. The girl -aspires too often to make them fit in her narrow mould. Girls are -too often narrow in their ideas. In the secret acceptance of a man’s -faults, or taking him as you find him, lies a great deal the secret -of power over them. You girls are too sure of yourselves, too fixed -in your opinions, too certain that you are right and that others are -wrong. You are too anxious to set a man right. They have a way of their -own of not wanting to be set right. They never want to be corrected. If -they are wrong, their ignorance is bliss to them. - -Girls have little charity. They are generally hard in their judgments -of everything and of everybody. They take delight in showing off what -they know, and making a man feel like a fool. A man never allows the -same girl to make him feel like a fool twice. Once is enough for any -man. He seeks the society of another straightway. Girls are given to -display a superiority, and make a man feel small. Again he walks off. -A man never falls in love with a girl who makes him feel small. Now -the charming girl hides her own opinions--her superiority, and brings -out what is best in the man. This is what you must do every time. When -you seek to win a man, make him pleased with himself. The better he is -pleased with himself the better he will like you. This is not done by -bold, outspoken flattery (although a man will swallow larger doses of -that than you suppose), but by adroitly showing him his own best side. -If you have to touch his tender places, do it with a soft hand that -will soothe instead of wound. - -A man likes a smart girl. Your smartness or your brilliancy must, -however, be kept in the background. You must not use it to dazzle him, -but to make him feel that he is brilliant. If he is witty, never try to -be more so than he is. If he is highly educated and you are more so, -still be willing to be instructed by him. Never aspire to teach him. A -man does not want to be set right by a woman. - -If he is a talker, so manage that he will do all the talking, if he -wishes to, while you are the interested listener. I do not mean that -you are to be mum: you are to be so interested that you cannot help -sometimes breaking in. All your remarks should be to the point, and so -worded that he will be led on until he is even surprised at his own -powers of conversation and brilliancy. There is no surer way than this -to keep him at your side. If he looks at his watch it will be to see -how much longer he can remain with you, not because he wishes to hurry -away. When he finally must leave you, he will have so much better an -opinion of himself that he will be quite a new man. His thoughts of you -will be most flattering. He will not know why. Men rarely analyze their -emotions. If they did, it would be worse for us and our little arts. In -a certain way they go about blindly. - -A man is self-centred. He loves to talk about himself. His vanity is -his weak point. If he is no talker, and all other topics fail, lead him -to talk about himself. Only one man in a hundred will fail to respond -to this bait. He does not know that he is engrossing the conversation -in this way: he only knows that you are delightful. - -The wonderful charm some girls have for men lies in the interest she -shows in him, and the tact with which she makes him think well of -himself. - -A man will not be snubbed. In novels, especially of the Duchess kind, -the abject small creature whom she calls the hero thrives upon it. His -love feeds upon snubbing, and grows more intense. He falls in love at -first sight, and the worse his charmer treats him the more he loves -her. This is not true to life. These books are full of false ideas, and -do much harm to the girl who reads them. - -It seems almost coarse to advise flattery. Flattery is coarse. You can, -however, discover a man’s good qualities, talents, etc., and praise -them without limit. Men will swallow large doses of praise without so -much as a wink. They do not even know you are praising them; they are -only conscious of being pleased. You must be discreet, however, in -giving your doses, and above all things avoid getting the name of being -a flatterer. You can sometimes give praise with an unsparing hand, but -you must be sure of the right occasion. A public man may be praised _ad -libitum_. In fact, a man who sings, acts, speaks in public needs it. - -The private man wants it too. He gets less of it from the world in -general, and your good opinion, delicately expressed, will be all the -more acceptable. When you have a field all to yourself, be sure and -improve the occasion. - -The girl who is affectionate wins. I do not mean to imply that you are -to embrace every man you meet or to allow anything of the kind from -them. You are to show a certain warmth of feeling. No man likes a cold -girl. Ice repels. A friend of mine, whose great attraction was her -warmth of manner, mowed down hearts like ten-pins Her greeting always -was more than cordial. She gave almost an affectionate grasp of the -hand, allowing her hand to lie there a mere shadow of time, while her -beaming smile showed her delight at the meeting. There was life and -warm blood in the touch of her slender fingers which made many a man’s -heart beat quickly for her. She made a man feel that in winning her he -would be winning a loving wife, and that is what a man always wants. - -Another equally successful girl made the man with whom she was talking -feel that he was the only man of much importance in the world; all her -interest was in him--just in him. Every look was flattery of the worst -kind. - -We sometimes say that a girl has an indescribable charm and a way with -her that no man can withstand. I think her power is simply that she -makes a man think better of himself. She gives him a confidence in -himself. She makes him pleased with himself. She shows an interest -in his greatest interest, himself. Instead of wounding his vanity, -which is almost greater than his heart, she flatters it. Men rarely -overlook an insult to the former. A girl who has made a man think less -of himself may give that man up on the spot. She is crossed off of his -books forever. - -There are occasions when you must exercise a good deal of forbearance -with a man if you wish to win him. A man is prone to wander. He may be -paying attention to some other girl when you most want him. Although -it is very annoying, there must be nothing cold in your greeting when -he comes to you again. You must not reproach him. You must simply make -yourself a great deal more fascinating than she is. You must be more -sweet and winning if possible than you were before. Take pains never -to speak ill of this possible rival. It is neither Christian-like or -lady-like to do so. It is bad taste. The man knows you are jealous. -He hates to hear bitter words. It looks very much as if you could and -would make bitter remarks to your husband. If you reproach him now -for wandering, he may judge truly that your husband will have little -liberty. If you are jealous and inclined to make a fuss before there is -even any engagement, what will you be like after marriage? - -If you would win, cultivate a sweet, gentle, forbearing spirit. Be -always gracious. Cultivate a kindly manner. “Be free from arrogance, -self-assertion, self-consciousness, considerate of the feelings of -others.” Be courteous and kind in manners to every one. - - - - -CHAPTER IV. THE GIRL WHO FAILS. - - -“The young man fights shy of the girl who makes a dead set after him,” -was the inelegant, but o’er-true paragraph I read in the paper not long -since. The paragraphist was evidently a man and knew his sex. - -The girl who runs after a man fails. She more likely disgusts him -than flatters him. He does not want her or her attentions when he can -have them without the seeking. It is man’s province to woo, and his -whole nature seems to revolt against a turning of the tables. I call -to mind a schoolmate who on this account was a complete failure. She -was pretty, bright, even witty, well educated, moved in good society, -and had money, but no man wanted her. Her boldness disgusted all of -them. When she saw one she fancied, she paid such open court to him -that he avoided her. Some time afterwards, when she saw the uselessness -of pursuit there, she turned her attentions elsewhere, running after -another man. Although naturally attractive, I never knew a man who -wanted her. - -I have known of other girls who have never married for this same -reason. It seems to be a common fault. It is a serious one. If you are -at all inclined to be forward with men, stop it. You will not only -fail to marry, you will lose respect. You gain nothing and lose all. -You cheapen yourself and your charms when you “throw yourself at a -man’s head.” As it has been decreed from the beginning of the world -that man is the head of the woman, so it is decreed that as he shall -protect her, he is the one to woo and she the one to be won. You will -meet coarse men who will respond to all your advances. They will pay -you attention just for the fun of the thing. They will never marry -you, and it would be a good lesson to you if you could hear them talk -of you among themselves. A man never spares a girl who has no respect -for herself. A man whom you run after may even say many tender things -to you. He may lead you up to the point where, if you had not begun -it, you would have a right to expect him to ask you to marry him. He -doesn’t. He stops just there. - -A girl’s great charm is a sweet, womanly modesty, which appears to hide -a love she cannot help feeling. - -It is a great mistake to let your male friends see you with any -blemishes upon you. If you have a breaking-out on the face, a swollen -cheek, a red nose, or anything which disfigures you, hide yourself -till it is over. Men like to idealize a girl whom they admire, and -they cannot idealize a swollen face or a red nose. I knew a girl who -continually had styes on her eyes. She was not wise enough to hide -herself at the time, but continued to go out where she would meet her -male friends. She has never married, and I have always thought that -this is the reason. Another girl had her front teeth drawn, and went -about toothless for a while. Other girls do not hesitate to let men see -them with their bangs in curl-papers. A man will never let you see him -with his hair not combed or with his face lathered for shaving. - -Be tidy always. Have your hair combed, your dress neat, even if it is -old. Patches are to be respected, while holes mark the sloven. Always, -even if you are scrubbing the floor, be ready to see any one who -comes. The very one in whose eyes you most desire to appear well may -come then. Some men have a way of dropping in at such unexpected times. -Many a man has been disillusionized by a dirty dress or a frowsy head. -Men like a nice appearance. They never want to marry a sloven if they -know it. A bright and interesting writer has never married for this -reason. Her head is never combed, and there is always a rip somewhere -in her dress. Her hands are generally touched off with ink. - -The independent, self-reliant girl is rarely a favorite with men. A -man loves to protect. He does not like a masterful, bossy girl. He -does not want to follow as if he were a spaniel. It is a poor specimen -of a man who does not want to lead. Three sisters were left with a -very little money at the death of their father. They were self-reliant -and thorough business women. They invested their money to such good -advantage in real estate that in a few years they became wealthy women. -They were never married. It would have been impossible for any man with -any self-respect to have loved either of them: they were so mannish, -independent, and self-reliant. - -Do not be of the so-called woman’s rights order. Men hate strong-minded -women who are forever harping on the wrongs of women and of the rights -they are going to have. That kind of girl generally does have a -wrong--the wrong of being neglected by the sterner sex. A woman’s right -is a husband, a home, and children. It is her right to have something -to love and to make happy. When she wants to usurp a man’s place, she -is going out of her sphere and makes a failure of her life. If you have -a leaning towards “woman’s rights,” erect yourself and lean the other -way. If you do not, you are doomed to unattractive spinsterhood, dress -reform, and the lecture platform, and to feed on husks. That sweet -little wife yonder, who hardly knows who is being voted for, and whose -horizon is bounded by her husband, is feeding on corn. She believes -that her rights are wifehood and motherhood, and she has them. - -A self-assertive girl fails. A self-assertive, selfish, self-centred -girl is no man’s ideal. It is unwomanish as well as unwomanly. A girl -who can push ahead and take her own part is generally allowed to do so. -It is a mistake to be anything that is unfeminine. Men never admire -girls who have masculine characteristics. Only a fool will marry her. -Do not ape men in dress or manner. Strive to be womanish and womanly -at all times in every way. The attractive woman is womanly sweetness -personified. - -The girl who insists upon attentions gets none. The girl who looks upon -her escort as her slave _pro tem._ loses him. You must never treat a -man as if he were your servant. He will not stand it from you, although -you may be attractive in other ways. His manhood will assert itself, -and no matter how much he has loved you, that love will be killed. It -is a poor outlook for married happiness. He does not care to wed where -he knows he will be henpecked. - -A poor girl will marry before a wealthy one will. The latter has it -written upon her that it costs a mint to keep her. She may be much -admired, but she is an expensive luxury. Unless a young man has -exceptional means, he must give her up. You will find numbers of -unmarried women in the highest society everywhere. Men are afraid to -marry the daughters of millionnaires, unless a large dowry is going to -be among the wedding presents. Extravagant habits, they know, have -been her rule. She has never been taught to economize in anything. She -must have an establishment as elegant as her father’s. She could not -think of beginning as humbly as her parents likely did. So she either -fails to marry at all, or marries late in life, when the death of her -parents has given her an independent fortune. - -A girl who shows her anxiety to marry generally fails to do so. A man -feels that it is marriage and not himself that she wants. That wounds -his vanity. She is never self-possessed in the society of men. She is -so anxious to please that she plans beforehand what she will say. When -she says it, it comes out wrong and does not fit in. She is trembling -and eager even if she does not run after him. Like vaulting ambition, -she o’erleaps herself. Every time you meet her, she has new and fresh -hopes. She is waiting always anxiously for a proposal, and would -accept any man who offered himself regardless of creed (almost color), -circumstances, character, and condition. - -The sharp, snubby girl never succeeds. A man will not stay where he is -snubbed or where his vanity is wounded. Some girls, especially very -young ones, have an idea that they are saying smart things where they -are only saying sharp things. You hardly realize what a great mistake -you are making when you try to be witty at a man’s expense. You only -make a greater one when you are cutting in your remarks. Girls have an -idea that it does a young man good to have, as they express it, “the -conceit taken out of him.” I doubt if it does, and even so, you are -not the one to do it. Let him have a good opinion of himself in his -youth. Help him to it, rather than to try to take it away from him. -The outside world will give him knocks enough as he battles his way -up in it, to take any amount of conceit out of him. Maybe he comes to -you sometimes just smarting from one. Let him find for his wounds a -balm. Learn to soothe and sympathize instead of hurting. Your tongue -is sometimes so unwittingly cruel. Your laugh is so heartless that you -make a man with a rhinoceros skin shrink. It all flies back upon your -own head, however. You will suffer for it afterwards. It will only -drive him from you. Girls often can attract who cannot keep a beau. -Notice them. See if they have not sharp tongues and do not love to take -the conceit out of a man. “He has too good an opinion of himself, but I -let him know what I thought of him,” I have heard girls say. One thing -is certain--if you have done that, you will never hear from him that he -thinks much of you. - -So round off your sharp corners. Remember that the young man with a -good opinion of himself is the more easy to win, because you can play -upon his vanity. - -Do not speak your mind plainly. Certain persons pride themselves on -plain speaking, as if there were a virtue in hurting some one else’s -feelings. When you hear any one say, “I always speak my mind,” you may -know she says disagreeable things. She thinks when she has said that -that she can go ahead, cutting right and left with her tongue. They are -never people who praise. It appears that those who say “just what they -think” generally think unkind things. - -Avoid doing so, especially to a man. It is unkind. It makes more -enemies the world over than anything else. Men will swallow praise _ad -nauseum_, but they will not take censure. - -The eccentric girl had better never have been born, as far as men are -concerned. They will have nothing to do with her. If you are eccentric -and have prided yourself upon it, the sooner you become like folks -the better for you. A man will not pay attention to an oddity. An -outlandish hat that causes comment will sometimes drive him away. He -may not know what is the matter with it, but he knows he will not ask -you out while there is any danger of your wearing it. It is a mistake -to be odd in your conduct or language. Eccentricity grows upon one. If -you are given to it in your youth, what will you be in your old age? A -man would know that if he were rash enough to marry you, every day you -would make him ashamed. - -The girl who has too many gentlemen friends hardly ever marries. There -is something in every man’s heart which subscribes to - - “The rose that all are praising, - Is not the rose for me.” - -There are cases where jealousy of another’s man’s attentions will -hasten a proposal. But two are in the case there, however, and both -are in love. Avoid many gentlemen callers. Do not allow your house -to become a meeting-place. A man will not fall in love where he sees -you smile as sweetly on another man as you do upon him. He will reign -alone. He never goes on shares where a heart is concerned. A man may -call often, where he knows he will meet other men, but it is only as -a friend. He does not fall in love with his hostess. When he marries -it will likely be some little modest girl who hardly knows any man but -himself. - -When I was very young I remember hoping that when I grew older I would -have as many gentlemen callers as a certain young lady who lived near -us. Every night her parlors were thronged. It seemed to be a general -meeting-place for young men. Her sister and herself lavished their -smiles upon them. She never married. Her sister married a man whom she -met in another place, and who hardly ever came to the house. Another -girl had quite as many callers. She must have seen her danger, for she -ceased to receive them. Some time later she married. - -It is flattering to your vanity to have a great many gentlemen friends -who call, and who take you out, but it will certainly stand in the -way of marriage. It is fun, doubtless, to count up a long list of -escorts, but the girl who can do so rarely counts up a long list of -offers. A girl who was so retiring that she was rarely invited out by a -gentleman, was loved by almost every man who got well-acquainted with -her. She could have counted up a long list of offers but a short list -of escorts. At a party she was a wall-flower. She had few gentlemen -callers, yet it seems as though all men longed to possess her. She -passed most of her evenings alone with her family, and married well. So -it shows that knowing many men would rather indicate no marriage than a -surety of one. - -The cold girl never succeeds. A man would as soon make love to an -icicle. A man prefers fire. He likes a warm, living heart. He wants to -see that a girl has that heart. A pretty, stylish young girl whom I -want to see settled in life is failing to do so on just that account. -She in not naturally cold, but when she is at all interested in a man, -she becomes almost frigid in his presence. She is too afraid of showing -her interest in him to allow him to see that she responds to his. A man -wants an affectionate, warm-hearted wife. So he will marry what seems -to him to be an affectionate girl. There is a certain warmth of manner -that will show this disposition. - -A girl fails who will not let the man who is beginning to love her see -that she can return love. It must be shown modestly, however. You must -be sympathetic. Man has his success and his failures in life. As he -comes to you, he is thinking of them more than he is of you. He wants -to talk of them. If you do not show a sympathetic interest, he will go -where he can get it. Draw him out on his favorite topic, no matter if -it is himself. I remember once walking two squares with a gentleman who -talked of nothing else but a slight injury on his hand. - -An interesting, intellectual lady is going through life unmarried -for no other reason, I believe, than her lack of sympathy. You are -conscious of this lack whenever you converse with her. If you mention -yourself, your humble aim and ambitions, a dead silence falls. You feel -as if you were undone and wish you could hide your head. A woman will -hasten to change the subject and to make amends. A man leaves and never -returns. - -A man likes to look, as it were, in a mirror. He likes to see himself -reflected in the eyes that meet his. He wants to feel that the girl has -so much interest in him that she is interested in every word he says -about himself. - -The girl who talks about herself usurps his prerogative. He does not -relish that, and her society is stupid to him. _I_ is a man’s pronoun. -_You_ is a woman’s. Very young girls who are filled with themselves -and their own affairs are very much given to this. As they grow older, -they see it does not do. Bear in mind that no matter how pretty you are -or how sweet, if you will talk about yourself to a man, you become “as -tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ears of a drowsy man.” -There is an old witticism which tells the truth in a nutshell: “What -is a bore? A man who talks about himself when you want to talk about -yourself.” - -The high-tempered girl fails. A man bent upon matrimony avoids her if -he is aware of it. If you have such an infirmity, try to get rid of it -as you would a facial blemish. Try harder; for it is indeed far worse -than any bodily disfigurement. Our Lord, whose strength is sufficient -for you always, will help you to do so. Some girls falsely call it a -high spirit. It is anything but that. It is a weak spirit. A girl who -gives way to temper has no control over herself. She is weak instead of -high and strong. Her doors are always open, and whoever will may come -in and upset her. Instead of being proud of it, be ashamed of it. While -possessing it, your life is a failure everywhere. - -A sweet, interesting, lively conversationalist is one thing, and a girl -with a long tongue is another. Avoid gossip and meddling. - -It is a mistake to entertain a gentleman with an account of your -neighbor’s failings and backslidings. His interests are broader. He -rarely stoops to such little things, and they weary him. Men never care -for girls who have the reputation for being gossips. Fill your mind -with better things. Read and enlarge your powers of conversation. - -It is a mistake to be inquisitive. While a man likes a girl to be -interested in him and in his doings, he does not want to be questioned -about them. A walking interrogation point is never a pleasant -companion. When you draw him out it must be with tact. - -A precise, prim, what we call an old maidish girl is a failure. She is -born to a lonely life of spinsterhood. Unless she change she cannot -escape her fate. At heart she may be all that is true and good, but -no man will ever find that out. As a rule men judge of us by outward -appearances. They take women more for what they seem to be than for -what they are. The good qualities of the prim girl are all lost upon -him. - -With gentlemen a loud girl never succeeds. She can always attract the -attentions of coarse men, but a well-bred man avoids her. He loves -modesty. He does not want the girl whom he escorts to be conspicuous -by boisterous talking and laughing. He does not want her to be -hail-fellow-well-met with every man they meet. It shows she has no -modesty. He cannot respect her and will not marry her. It is never nice -to be “gay” or “fast.” The men whom you attract about you by it are not -the men you want to marry. They are the kind who do not want to marry -you or any one else. - -Loud, conspicuous dressing is never an attraction. Men like stylish, -well-dressed girls, but they never like anything that is flashy or that -attracts attention. - -The girl who imagines every man she meets is in love with her rarely -is loved by one. This is a common fault with young girls. It comes -either from innate silliness or from the reading of too many novels. -The worst of it is, she is not even cured of her folly when the men -do not propose to her, but do to some other girl. She imagines some -insurmountable difficulty was in his way, and that he has only married -the other girl out of pique. That is the way it was in the last novel -she read. Girls, be sensible. Every man you meet will not fall in love -with you. When one does, he will let you know it. Men are not given to -sighing in secret over one girl, then marrying another without love. A -man who loves you will be open about it. He will not avoid you. He acts -on the spot: sometimes without much thought. So when a man does not pay -attention to you, rest assured, unless you have offended him, that he -does not want to do so. He is not in love with you. He is more likely -to pay attention without loving, than to love without paying attentions. - -A vain girl fails. The pretty girl who depends altogether upon her -looks and is proud of her beauty, rarely marries. I have spoken of this -before. It has been thought that in matrimony, as in other fields, the -plain-featured girl has the greatest success. A pretty girl starts out -with false notions of her charms. She thinks that she has only to be -seen to be loved. She overestimates her one gift, and does not try to -cultivate others. Youths who easily fall in love and as easily out -again are caught by a merely pretty face. Men want something more. - -Let me quote from an article on this subject which I read the other -day: “Look about you and count the number of faded, thwarted beauties -you know, who are embittered dependents, or else late in life have -picked up a broken stick in the shape of a partner to help disguise -their crippled vanity. In fact, so frequently is this the case that -between the ages of sixteen and twenty-six only extraordinary virtue -and talent ever saves a belle from grievous folly in her aspirations.” -So if you are a beauty and wish to marry, I advise you strongly to put -aside all vanity, and to cultivate the superior charms of your plainer -sisters. - -Never allow your mother to do the courting. There are times when a girl -can win a man against his will, and he will never know that it was she -who did it. A mother never can do this. A man knows it every time. When -he sees her efforts, he is forewarned and on his guard. It is all done -in cold blood and deliberately by the mother. The daughter has less -deliberation and a great deal of warm blood when she attempts it. He is -likely to think: “What an interesting girl! I believe I could get her -if I tried,” and may try. Of the mother’s efforts, he thinks: “That old -woman wants me to marry her daughter. I can see through her. I won’t do -it.” - -A mother may make herself so attractive that, if she were a girl, she -would win him. Notwithstanding that, he hardens his heart against the -daughter. A lady who, even as a grandmother, is attractive to men, -tried in her early married days to win a young man for her sister. He -responded quickly to her overtures, and seemed glad to come to the -house. She thought she was succeeding, when one day he said to her: -“I know what you are about. You might as well give it up, you won’t -accomplish it. If you were not married, however, I would propose to you -to-day.” - -She did give it up. - -A girl makes a mistake who brags of her conquests. She should never -speak of them to any one. If a man whom you cannot accept offers you -his hand, forget that he did so. By your manner to him when you meet -afterwards, endeavor to make him forget it. The girl who tells about -the hearts she has won, wins no more. Men grow afraid of her. She is -not to be trusted, they think. If she will lead other men on to propose -only to reject them, then tell of it, she will do the same to them. - -A girl who fears that the man to whom she only is pleasant will -think she is in love with him, is not likely to accomplish much -matrimonially. She grows too self-conscious and stiff in her manner. -You must forget yourself, or remember only that a man is won by a -pleasant manner. If he did think you were a bit interested in him, he -would be flattered by it, and might return it shortly. - -By a pleasant manner I do not mean a continual giggling. While you must -be animated and lively, you cannot laugh continually. A sensible girl -can be grave as well as gay. There are times, and plenty of them, when -laughter jars. There is certainly a time to laugh and a time to cry; -but there is never a time to giggle. Solomon gives a list of almost -everything for which we have time, but he never says a word about -giggling. A bright, animated manner and continual giggling are two -different things. A bright girl is everywhere a success. A giggler is -generally considered half-witted. A giggler has no depth of feeling. A -bright, lively girl generally has a great deal of feeling; she is not -slow to show it, either. - -Do not laugh when you talk. Do not laugh the moment a man speaks to -you, keeping it up all the time he is with you. It looks as if you were -delighted out of your senses. Do not laugh every time he looks at you -till he begins to wonder if there is a black spot on his nose. Some men -may prefer a grave girl any way. You might study the man and the place -before you are too lively. - -It may be that some of you who read these chapters have failed so far -to win any man’s love. Examine yourself and your peculiarities to see -wherein the trouble lies. When you have found it, strive to overcome -the difficulty. You cannot do it in your own strength. The Lord will -help you. He will give you grace to overcome every evil temper, every -disagreeable habit, every unlovely manner. If you ask Him, He will -make you sweet and lovely. Rest assured that He is interested in your -success; for He did not intend woman to live alone. - - - - -CHAPTER V. SOME UNFAILING METHODS. - - -It is universally known that when a man and woman have a mutual -interest, they get interested in each other. When they are in any way -drawn together, they soon find that they cannot live apart. When a man -grows accustomed to a woman with whom he is pleased, he desires to keep -her with him. So we may consider that a companionship with a man is -an unfailing way to win him. This companionship unfortunately is not -always easy to arrange. - -It is often difficult to get up a mutual interest. When you can, be -sure to do so. It must come naturally however. A forced arrangement, -plainly seen, would defeat itself. - -Marriages frequently take place between parties who board in the same -house. Seeing each other daily, getting well acquainted, and the -mutual interest, even of the table, will draw them together. A young -lady boarded, with her brother, in a house where there were no other -young ladies, but a number of gentlemen. All admired her, several were -smitten with her, and two asked her hand in marriage. A third began to -think more of her than of the girl to whom he was engaged. - -A widow, with a nice home of her own, took two clergymen to board. It -was not long before both wanted to marry her. She did not want either -of them, but took the one who was the most persistent. - -Singing together is another mutual interest. It is the means of many -a marriage. In a quartette, the soprano and tenor marry, the bass and -alto. The singer may marry his accompanist. Jennie Lind married her -unknown pianist, Goldschmidt, who was younger than herself. Actors, who -are always thrown much together, marry and unmarry _ad libitum_ in a -disgraceful way. - -The marriage of the type-writer and her employer is so frequent that it -has passed into a joke. They grow interested in each other from mere -companionship. - -A student falls in love with the sister of his friend where he visits -during vacation. The late Henry Ward Beecher met his wife at her -father’s home whither he had gone with a college chum, her brother. -I had an aunt who had offers from two students brought home by her -brothers. This is such a common occurrence that enterprising mothers -sometimes urge sons to bring home desirable students to introduce to -her daughters. - -A lawyer will marry a fair client. I might add that he is the more -likely to do so if he is settling up a large estate for her. - -A physician rarely marries a patient. If your heart is set upon a -certain physician do not play the rôle of an invalid. When you are sick -you should have a married physician. A young lady was taken ill with -pneumonia. Her family were strangers in the place, and, without knowing -it, called in an unmarried physician. He was interested in the case, -but not in the least in her. A year later he met her, when in perfect -health, at the house of a mutual friend and fell in love with her. - -Living next door to each other will often make young people interested -in each other. Church-work which brings young men and maidens together -is fruitful of many marriages. A young man was put on a fair-table with -a number of ladies. He fell in love with the only unmarried one on it. -A young clergyman comes in contact with so many girls, and is so run -after, that going to his church and entering into the work for his sake -is but lost labor. If you want to work in a Church, do it for the Lord, -without a thought of who has charge of that body of worshippers. - -We learn from Abelard and Heloise what the pupil will become to the -teacher. Almost always, when neither are married, free lessons in -love accompany another kind of a lesson--that is, if the lessons are -private. Men fall in love with a lady who teaches them anything. A -young lady was taught Hebrew by an unmarried clergyman. They married -about a year after the lessons began. - -A man and woman who are in business together almost always marry. An -author has been known to marry her publisher. A Mr. Maxwell published -Miss Braddon’s novels, and now she is Mrs. Maxwell. Margaret Sydney -is the _nom de plume_ of a writer who married her publisher, Daniel -Lothrop, of Lothrop and Co. - -An almost certain way to win a man’s love is to win his confidence. -When a man talks to a woman about his greatest interest, he becomes -interested in her. When he opens his whole heart to her, he gives her -that heart. I never knew this to fail. How to win this confidence is -the puzzle. The very man you want may be the one who knows the most -about keeping his affairs to himself. You will have to use tact and -patience in drawing him out. Get him to talk about his business, or -make him talk of his books, his pleasures, his family: always about -himself. Persist in this gently. Show him you can keep a secret. -Encourage him to talk about himself until he touches upon something -that is nearest his heart. Some men will do this sooner than others. -The man who readily confides in you, readily falls in love--and almost -as readily falls out. It is said that the heart which is easily won is -hard to keep; and that the heart which is hard to win you never lose. -When you have drawn any man to tell you his heart unreservedly, he is -yours. - -A young man was in love with a girl of whom his mother did not approve. -He was much distressed by the fuss she made. He did not want to give -up the girl or to pain his mother. He must talk of his trouble to some -one, and he selected a young girl who was visiting the family. He told -her all his troubles. She encouraged him with infinite tact until he -spoke unreservedly. Whenever he could find her alone he talked of that -and of nothing else. Then he planned to be alone with her. Before three -months he loved her better than he did the first one. - - - - -CHAPTER VI. A WORD OF WARNING. - - -The greatest mistake a girl can make is to allow familiarities -from men. A girl must be circumspect in her conduct. She must be -self-respecting. Having a proper self-respect and being a prude are two -different things. A man never likes a prude. He never, in his heart, -cares for one who has no self-respect. A man, of a certain class, will -pay her attention and take advantage of the liberties she allows, but -he never marries her. - -You are not safe if you allow the least digression from the right path. -A slip once made can never be recalled, and the second follows very -easily on the first. Then comes the third, and so on, till ruin is the -end for you--not for him. - -It is a girl’s own fault if she fall. It is her place to guard her -honor. - -You will meet many a man who is lover-like and fascinating, but if he -says nothing about marriage, leave him alone. You do not want to hear -of love, if that is all he has to say. Never mind if you do love him. -If he loves you and finds he cannot possess you otherwise, he will want -to marry you. - -Beware of the beginning. Be careful of your conversation. Never smile -at a joke with a double meaning. Meet it with silence. Do not pretend -you do not understand if you do: there are men who would take pleasure -in enlightening you. There are times when it is well to show that you -do not approve of it; you may even have to rebuke it. Thereafter avoid -that man. If he cares to continue your friendship, he will know how he -must behave himself. - -Never let a young man repeat a story to you that he would not repeat -if your mother were present. A man who would do that, means no good -to you. An old and excellent rule is, never talk about anything to a -man you would not talk about before a third party; and never talk to a -girl as you would not talk if a man were present. Never say anything to -either which you would not repeat to your mother. A well-known writer -has lately said: “It is always a mistake for a young girl to talk -to a man as if she were _blasé_ and widely experienced in all human -emotions, frailties, and faults. Many inexperienced, innocent girls -adopt this manner, thinking it will render them fascinating in the eyes -of men. Men take us for what we seem, not for what we are. The most -hardened _mondaine_ who wears a mask of frank innocence fares better -with them than the good, sweet-hearted girl who puts on _blasé_ airs -and pretends to be a little wicked.” - -Let your heart be pure. Keep your lips pure. God can make and keep them -so. He can take away all interest in sin. - -Never make an appointment with a young man of which you cannot tell -your mother. When a young man urges you to deceive your mother, he -means to deceive you. Your mother is your best friend; make her your -confidante in all things, then you will never go astray. On the first -approach of familiarities, consult her and be guided by her advice. - -Men do not have to be told: they know what girl they may approach -familiarly and what one they must treat with respect. You may be sure -there is something wrong in your conduct if you are approached as you -do not wish to be. - -Be careful not to call a man by his first name unless he is a relative. -A well-bred lady will not even address a man thus whom she has known -in her childhood. Do not allow a man to call you by your first name. -You can easily show by your manner that it is distasteful to you. Check -even the liberty of your Christian name with the prefix Miss. Although -you may have an older sister, you have a right to your father’s name. -If you cannot be Miss Jones, you can be Miss Mary Jones. - -When you are out walking with a gentleman, do not allow him to grasp -your elbow. Some men do this instead of offering the arm. He is -ill-bred if he attempts it. It is too familiar altogether, and is -becoming too common. A polished gentleman will not do it. He will offer -his arm. - -Beware of allowing a caress from a man to whom you are not engaged. -Stifle in the beginning any attempt to do so. Do not so much as allow -him to hold your hand. No matter if you do like him, and if his warm -grasp does send the happy blood to your heart, it is a happiness you -have no right to--neither has he, until he has spoken. Sometimes these -things, small as they seem, are but the first step on the broad path -that leads to destruction. Perhaps you like as much to feel that strong -arm about you as he does to put it there. It is in his power to make it -right to do so; it is not in yours, so refuse it. Believe me, you will -gain nothing by it, and may lose all. If a man finds he cannot embrace -you unengaged, he will take steps to be engaged to you if he loves you. - -Poor child! You allow it because you love him. It may be anything but -love for you and your good that prompts his action. A man rarely binds -himself to a girl who allows his caresses without it. Another thing, -while you are treasuring up this caress as a closely-guarded secret, -he is doubtlessly telling his comrades what liberties be can take with -you. That is too true. The indiscretions which a girl will hide, he -will boast of--it is a man’s nature. He judges you by himself, too. -He knows that he kisses other girls when he can get a chance, and he -supposes that you allow other men’s caresses. A man cares more for the -caress than for the girl. When he is not genuinely in love, one girl -will do almost as well as another. He supposes it is the same with you. -He argues that if you are cheap to him, you will be cheap to other men. - -“Never speak of love till your lover speaks of marriage,” is a good old -rule. Men do not talk much about marriage to a girl who will profess -her love before he asks her to be his wife. - -Be careful to whom you give your photograph. Like figures, they cannot -lie. If you have given it, you cannot deny doing so: it is there, a -fact, in the young man’s possession--he may show it to whom he pleases. -He generally pleases to show it to all his male friends. It is another -thing which cheapens you. Your picture is one of a collection he has of -girls. Maybe for a while, when exhibiting his gallery of beauties, he -may call you his best girl. He does it all lightly, and as the young -men look over the collection, they will make remarks about you all -which, if you heard them, would make you blush. If a girl has no more -respect for herself than to give a picture to every man who asks for -it, you must not expect men to respect her. It is no sign a man loves -you because he asks for your picture. If he does, let him ask for you -first. He more likely wants to enlarge his collection of photographs. -If you went into his room, you would see it stuck up in his mirror with -a dozen or so of others. - -It is a mistake to imagine that an engagement breaks down all barriers. -Engagements are so frequently broken. Instead of being almost as -sacred as marriage, they are held lightly. You must continue after -your engagement to be careful of your conduct and not to allow any -undue liberties. Do not let your lover’s caresses be too frequent or -passionate. Some young people act as if they only become engaged so -they might kiss each other--they spend all their time at it when they -are alone. Some of these things are sweeter if they are waited for. -Couples who are parted during their engagement generally are the most -happy when they are married. They have not exhausted their affection; -instead of its being an old story, it is fresh. - -If it were worth the while, I would advise you not to sit on a man’s -lap till you were his wife. It is quite customary with lovers, I know; -but it seems to me to be letting down bars which should be left up. -Engagements are so easily broken that there should be stricter lines -drawn. Surely no true woman who has entered upon her second engagement -wants to remember how she sat on the lap of the first betrothed. While -there is no harm in so doing, you will be on the safe side not to. - -It is wrong to take money from your betrothed. If you live on dry -crusts and work till you drop, refuse it. Be married in calico rather -than have his money buy your wedding-dress. Sometimes girls will urge -a speedy wedding-day. You have no more right to do that than you have -to ask him to marry you--the two go together. If he is too slow and -you know of no reason why he should be, he does not care much for -you; you had better break the engagement. However, if your heart would -break with the engagement, try to make him more anxious to have you all -to himself. It is not a girl’s place to be eager for the marriage. If -you are self-supporting and want to marry him because you are tired of -working, you wrong him. No matter what reason you may have for wishing -an early marriage, it is never your right to propose it. - -Attentions from a married man are blasting to a girl’s reputation. No -matter how fascinating he is, how much you admire him, how much you -like his attentions, refuse to accept them. He is desecrating the most -sacred ordinance, marriage. He is insulting you and wronging his wife. -Eventually he will return to her, leaving you with a tarnished name. -His wife will forgive him, and society will forget he went astray; but -his wife will never forgive you, and society will never forget it. -You will always be spoken of as the girl that was “crazy after him.” -It will stand in the way of a marriage for you. Men do not care to -marry a girl who has been talked about, or whose name was coupled with -a married man’s. You lose everything by it, almost your character. -There is no such food for gossip as the attentions of a married man to -a girl. They suspect you are not all you ought to be, they have good -reason to do so. They may think if you will encourage a man to trample -on his marriage vows, you would trample on your own. You are condemned -by every one. - -Your vanity may lead you to feel a degree of triumph in winning a -husband from a wife. It is no triumph, however, to do so. The man who -will be so won is in most cases extremely weak and decidedly untrue. -It is not that your attractions are superior to hers, it is that he -is fickle, and you were the first girl who accepts his unlawful love. -Instead of being a triumph, it is a sin. Instead of being a subject -for boasting, it is something to be ashamed of. Instead of encouraging -him for one moment, flee from him. Instead of looking upon him as your -lover, consider him your worst enemy: an enemy who for the selfish -indulgence of the time would ruin your whole life. In this world of -sin and sorrowful consequences of sin, you cannot be too careful of -yourself, your conduct, and your associates. If a man is known by the -company he keeps, much more is a girl. Much misery will come from one -imprudent, maybe innocent, act. A trifle may sometimes be what starts -you on the road to destruction. That road is broad, and very enticing -to some; but the end is death. Never drink with a man. The pity of it -that this should have to be written down! There is a class of girls who -aim to be a little fast. They think they make themselves attractive to -men by keeping pace with all their sins. They think men will like them -if they have a “good time” with them. They call this a “good time.” It -is an unmitigated bad time; a time that will make you and him bad too. -You will fail in your object, for you will not attract him. It is a low -man who will care for a girl who cares so little for herself. - -Instead of drinking with a man, keep him from doing so. Your power -over men is very great, girls; it is much greater than you think. You -can make him good or bad, if he loves you. If he is only your friend, -you can help him withstand temptation and turn him from wrong. Try to -exhibit the ideal woman always. Let your character be so elevated that -you will raise the man who walks beside you. Be a pure, true girl, and -he will be a better, purer man. The very thought of you, as he goes out -into a sinful world and meets temptations of which you are ignorant, -will be a shield to him. Next to the strength God can give him, will be -the remembrance of your goodness and purity. He will, for your sake, -abhor things which before had a fascination for him. - -Always be wrapt in a cloak of sweet maidenly reserve and dignity. -Then no tongue can assail you, no man will dare to offer you any -familiarity; the conversation and conduct of men will take a better -tone in your society. - -Try to make every man you meet, even a passing acquaintance, better. -Resolve that you will know no man whom you will not influence decidedly -for good. So act that when you look back in after years you can -honestly say that you tried to make every man whom you knew well, a -Christian. So strive to lead young men to Christ that you will see the -fruits of your efforts dotted all along your path of life. Let every -man whom you know be able to say, as he looks back, “I have been a -better man for knowing her.” - -In all your intercourse with men, do everything to ennoble and nothing -to lower his character. “Let him see that you are a true woman and a -Christian: one whose life is beautiful in its maidenly dignity and -attractive loveliness.” - - - - -CHAPTER VII. THE SECRET OF THE WIDOW’S POWER. - - -There is no doubt that a widow can, if she choose, attract a man where -a girl is powerless to do so. She has a charm which is irresistible -when she pleases to exercise it. This power lies greatly in her -knowledge of man-nature. It lies also in her taking a man just as he -is. Instead of wounding his vanity by trying to make him conform to her -ideas, she makes him pleased with himself as he is. Girls have sharp -corners which hurt a man if he runs against them; widows never have. -Girls are unkind; widows never are. Girls like to tease and ridicule a -man; a widow is too wise to do so. Girls will wound even a man who is -not sensitive; a widow soothes. Girls never remember a man’s feelings; -a widow never forgets them. - -She has studied one man thoroughly. She knows his peculiarities, his -weaknesses, his strong points, his likes and dislikes. In knowing one -man well, she knows his sex. She has learned well what will please -one man. In learning that she knows what will please all men. She has -learned to sink her own individuality. She has learned to follow, -and has no desire to lead. She knows that men like to be obeyed. She -knows they like their ease. She knows they would rather be amused, -entertained, than to dance attendance. She knows that the best way to -entertain a man is to make him talk of himself or his hobby. She never -minds how much he rides this hobby when he is with her. A girl would -forbid its entrance. A widow may even get up and ride with him. When -a girl would show a man she has no interest in his affairs, a widow -would make him believe she was even more interested than he was. A girl -would say, “I get so sick of hearing that man talk on that subject that -I won’t listen to him.” The widow draws him out. Where a girl would cut -him short, she encourages him to go on at length. He begins to connect -her with his hobby. He learns to come eagerly to her with every new -development, sure of sympathy. When he is downcast about it, he comes -to her as quickly for the encouragement he is sure to get. He begins to -feel that there is no one in the world who understands and appreciates -him as she does. The rest soon follows. - -A widow is sympathetic--she is sincere in that sympathy. She has -suffered and feels for all who suffer. She can understand a heartache, -because she knows what it is to have her dearest earthly hopes -shattered. Her life is a disappointment, and she can weep with those -who have been disappointed. She has found out that life is not a bed of -roses only, but has many thorns. She will help soothe the wounds that -thorns have made in other hearts. She knows that men have troubles, -little or great; and she knows too much to give him any more. She has -stood by one man as he has fought with the world, and knows that it is -woman’s province to strengthen him by her sympathy and helpful word for -the battle. She knows that when a man seeks a woman’s society he wants -peace. She knows his vanity is wounded every day in his contact with -men, and that when he comes to her he wants it flattered. - -So a widow tries to make a man happy and comfortable. She rarely -alludes to her own grief. It is more interesting because she does not. -She mutely appeals for sympathy, while she gives that same sympathy. -Few young girls know anything about sorrow; they cannot understand -what it is. They are generally so full of themselves they cannot -sympathize. Herein lies their weakness, and herein lies a widow’s -strength. Sympathy is a woman’s greatest power. Girls are self-centred; -a widow never is. A girl is absorbed in her own pleasure; a widow has -learned to make the pleasures of another hers. A girl puts herself -forward prominently; a widow sinks her personality. She has learned to -do so. She knows the man with whom she is talking is more interested in -himself than he is in her. She knows that no man cares as much for her -interests, plans, hopes, as he does for his own; and she talks of his -only. She lets him take the lead in the conversation, she follows. - -A young girl has moods; a widow has none. She is always the same. A -man is sure of her. He knows when he leaves her, she will be the same -when he meets her again. I have known girls to lose an admirer by a -cool greeting or change of demeanor. A widow never would. It is said -that Madame Recamier’s great charm was her gracious sweetness, which -was under all circumstances the same. - -A girl fancies that a man thinks of her all the time, as she does of -him. She likely thinks of him all day and dreams of him by night. A -man, out in the world, is engrossed in business--that is his first -consideration. It is only his leisure he can give to her. He goes to -her for his pleasure. A widow knows this. She has other things to -occupy her mind, and comes as fresh to him as he does to her. She knows -that he has not lived over and over her last remarks, and she has not -dwelt upon his. She makes no mistakes in estimating his affection for -her. - -She never puts his affection to a test. Girls love to do so. A widow -knows that it will have to be a pretty strong one that will stand it. -She never makes any experiments. She knows him in and out. She knows -what will please him and what will not please him. She knows what -flatters his vanity and what will drive him away. Her lessons have been -too thorough to allow any mistake. - -Experience has taught her that the best way to win a man is to make him -think more of himself. Experience has taught her that she can have her -own way easily by proper management. A girl fights openly for her own -way. She is unsuccessful as her plans are open. - -A widow knows that the royal road to a man’s heart lies through his -stomach. Her little dinners and tempting lunches are a part of her -mode of warfare. A man will always go where he can get a good dinner. -He does not wait for a second invitation, and hardly a first. A man is -always pleased with himself (unless he is a bad case of dyspepsia) when -he has a good dinner. When he is pleased with himself, he is pleased -with those about him. - -When a man knows that an evening call means a pretty little lunch, he -is quite sure to come again. He goes first for the sake of his stomach, -and later for the sake of his heart. - -A widow never forgets that the better friends she and the man become, -the more likely he is to love her. With a man and woman there is but a -short step from friendship to love. It has been said that there is no -such thing as Platonic friendships between the two sexes. A widow knows -that friendship ripens more quickly over the well-laden table than -under any other circumstances. A girl trusts to romantic surroundings. -A widow never does. She has found out that her hero was fleshly, and -she knows that all men are. She knows that only a boy, wildly in love, -prefers moonlight to a substantial meal. - -If a girl takes a meal with a man it is always at his expense. A widow -never allows a man to spend much, if any, money upon her. She knows -just how little he cares about doing so. She has heard the opinion -of one man strongly expressed on that subject. She will not put one -stumbling-block in a man’s way. - -A widow knows how to dress. She knows just the kind of dresses a -man likes. She rarely is given to display. She chooses quiet tones -or continues to wear black. Costly apparel she is well aware will -frighten away a man of limited means. She studies herself, and how to -dress, so as to make the best of both. Her art is so perfect that it is -hidden. - -A widow is in no haste to wed. Many do not wish to do so at any time. -She does not have to marry for a home: she either has inherited one or -is able to support herself. She has no fear before her eyes of being -an old maid. Years do not lessen her chances, as they do a girl’s. She -does not pretend to be young. Youth is not her attraction. In these -respects she is as independent as a man. It is not matrimony alone she -cares for, if she marries, but a congenial companion. If she does not -meet the right one this year, she may the next. She can afford to wait. - -A widow is conscious of her power. That gives her a good command of -herself. She knows, from one man at least, if not from more, the full -value of her charms. She knows her power to retain one man’s love even -until the end. She knows how to make a man happy. She has done so. -She knows that what once won love will do so again. She knows a man’s -weak points: she knows his strong ones. She knows her own weak points: -she may have been told of them very plainly. These she takes pains to -strengthen. - -Old bachelors are proverbially hard to win. When one does marry it -is almost always a widow. She only seems to know how to attract him. -She knows what a hard fight it will be, and sets deliberately about -doing it. She knows he is selfish. Only a selfish man tries to avoid -family ties and troubles. Your warm-hearted, unselfish men always -marry. A widow is not shocked at his selfishness. She has not looked -for perfection. She helps him be selfish. She makes him look upon her -as one who will encourage his pet foibles. She shows him that she will -help him with them; instead of having to give up for her “my dog and my -cat,” she will pet “my dog and my cat.” - -Yet a widow has a great drawback. There are some men at whom she can -never get a chance. A man who does not wish to marry avoids a widow. He -will pay attention to a young girl perfectly sure he can withstand her -charms; but the young widow is a different person. He knows that if he -allows himself to begin there, he cannot break off. Dickens gave the -key-note to the whole situation when he said, “Samivel, beware of the -widders.” For ages Samivels who do not wish to marry have obeyed that -injunction. - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. “LADY BEAUTY.” - - -The following is quoted, verbatim, from an English novel entitled, -“Lady Beauty; or, Charming to Her Latest Day.” As it bears upon this -subject, and many may not have read the book, I copy some parts. - -“You will find that your own enjoyment is heightened by the -consciousness of power to please others.... Let this ever be in -your mind: ‘I am a creature formed to give pleasure.’ Be courteous, -be gentle, be refined, be sweet in all your dealings. Never lose -your temper: it ruins the face; and it always leaves a disagreeable -impression which nothing rubs out. Depend upon it, men may respect -those creatures who are called women of character, which generally -means women who perform awkwardly duties which with a little thought -they might perform in a charming way: men may respect them, but when -they want enjoyment they turn to women who study the art of pleasing. -Now, what I want to teach you is, to be solid and pleasing too. Believe -me a woman is seldom called upon to do anything which she may not do in -an agreeable style if she will only take pains.... Never disarrange for -an instant the drapery of pleasantness which a woman ought always to -wear: keep it on you even for your husbands.... Be agreeable even when -you are alone with your looking-glass. Please everybody as far as you -can. Study morning, noon, and night to be agreeable. - -“Don’t expect too much of men and women, and you will learn to be -good-humored over their selfishness and hypocrisy. - -“Learned talk is very affected. Be as well-educated as you please, but -don’t seem so. - -“She had a frank, spontaneous sympathy with life all around and in -every part, such as I never met in any one beside herself. By reason -of this virtue she was always interested in what was going on, and -the very quality which subdued her individuality in one way made her -character fresh and delightful in another. She resolved to charm others -with happiness and goodness in view, not mere society conquests.... She -used worldly methods for most unworldly means. The polish, the graces, -the social attractions, the accomplishments, literature, and wit, which -some despise, she used as the very material out of which her noble -purpose must be woven.... In the secret interior of her intentions she -was truly devoted, trying by the spell of a beautiful womanhood to -make those with whom she lived better and happier. - -“‘Tell me about it,’ she whispers, oh so low, so deliciously. She -meant, ‘Anything you say will be sweet to hear.’ - -“Too womanly for coquetry or coyness, she gave her answer at once. - -“Warmth, purity, tenderness, principle, all the finer parts of -character were hers.... Her face was beautiful because it was the image -of the soul. - -“It is a good maxim: ‘Never really be angry.’ - -“To the opposite, her sister relied on her beauty for a place among -her sex, and was at no pains to cultivate conversation, letters, or -any branch of the art of pleasing except the setting forth of her -personal charms. Had her manner and her talk been what she might easily -have made them, she would have shone out as a beauty in the prime of -her womanhood. She had no lack of sense nor of education, either; but -proudly reposing on her incontestable loveliness, she rather withdrew -than put forward her attractions. - -“I wish to convince women that it is a great mistake on their part to -suppose that their power to please departs with youth. At all times -I have noticed that men of sense seldom admire--or grow enamored -of--women for beauty alone, but for character, manner, taste, and -conversation. Now, while beauty, we must admit, lessens with time, -character, manner, taste, and conversation may each be refined and -enriched.... Mere beauty is but one bright unchanging beam: it will -even grow wearisome; but wit, sense, courtesy, and humanity are forever -casting forth new and unexpected rays and enlivening intercourse with -agreeable surprises. - -“She was the best dresser I ever knew. Her appearance pleased numbers -of people before they saw her face.... She managed through all the -changes of fashion to respect herself and her own figure and face: in -the fashion she would always be; but still she would modulate it so as -to be the queen and not the slave. - -“Her manners in society were captivating. With what graceful attention -she heard what you had to say. How modestly she gave her own -opinion.... She tried to please. She knew that a woman ought to be -an object of admiration and affection, and she ruled her whole life -with a view to this fact. Her religion gave a richness, a sweetness, a -seriousness to all her charms. - -“You will laugh when I tell you that Lady Beauty at the age of -fifty-three had a new lover.” - - -“BEAUTY RULES.” - -“Rule One.--A woman’s power in the world is measured by her power to -please. Whatever she will wish to accomplish, she will manage it best -by pleasing. A woman’s grand social aim should be to please. - -“Rule Two.--Modesty is the ground on which all a woman’s charms appear -to the best advantage. In manner, dress, conversation, remember always -that modesty must not be forgotten.... Not prudery. Modesty is of the -soul. Prudery is on the surface. - -“Rule Three.--So the woman’s aim is to please, and modesty is the first -principle. - -“Rule Four.--Always dress up to your age or a little beyond it. Let -your face be the youngest thing about you, not the oldest. - -“Rule Five.--Remember that what women admire in themselves is seldom -what men admire in them. - -“Rule Six.--Women’s beauties are seldom men’s beauties. - -“Rule Seven.--Gayety tempered by seriousness is the happiest manner in -society. - -“Rule Eight.--Always speak low. - -“Rule Nine.--A plain woman can never be pretty. She can always be -fascinating if she takes pains. I remember well a man who was a great -admirer of our sex telling me that one of the most fascinating women he -ever knew was not only not pretty, but as to her face decidedly plain. -‘Her figure,’ he said, ‘was neat, her dressing faultless, her every -movement graceful; her conversation was clever and animated, and she -always tried to please. She was one of the most acceptable women in -society I ever knew. She married brilliantly. - -“Rule Ten.--Every year a woman lives, the more pains she must take -with her dress. - -“Rule Eleven.--In all things, let a woman ask what will please a man -of sense before she asks what will please the men of fashion. You see, -if a woman lives for the commendation of men of fashion, she will, if -pretty, piquant, or what not, have a reign of ten years. But if she -remembers that she has charms of mind and character and taste, as well -as charms of figure and complexion, the men of sense will follow her -for a half century; and in the long run the men of fashion will be led -by the men of sense. - -“I have often asked myself, ‘What is the secret of her character?’ and -I have always come to the same conclusion: that if her religious faith -were deducted from her, she would not be what she is, but must become a -less agreeable and not so good a woman.” - - - - -CHAPTER IX. THE LOVED WIFE. - - -Our life-story does not end, as it does in the novel, when the -wedding-bells ring. After that comes the real life. The wedding-bells -are but the call to more faithful duties, more earnest, unselfish love, -greater effort to be attractive, more pains to make the husband happy -than were taken to win his love. They ring out the birth of a love that -is until death. They ring out the knell of all coyness and romance. -The hero becomes the very human man: the shy girl is a woman who is to -be his helpmeet. They ring out the beginning of a battle where man and -woman must stand shoulder to shoulder if they would win. They tell -of a conflict where there will be strength in union, but in division -weakness, destruction of happiness, complete failure, disgrace, and -sometimes even death. - -A girl rarely considers the deep responsibilities she takes upon -herself when she marries. She is more often thinking of the happiness -it will give her than of what she is to be to the man. She does not -stop to think whether or not she is going to make her husband happy. -She forgets that from that time his whole happiness, his success in -life, almost his soul, are in her keeping. “A man must ask his wife’s -leave to thrive” is altogether true. A wife may be a dead weight or -an inspiration. The dead weight drags even the strongest down, and an -inspiration helps him to conquer every time. I have heard a man with a -bad wife say: “Oh, I have no heart in me to do anything. She takes it -all out of me.” I have known a man with less ability, but with a true -wife to inspire him, to conquer where the other failed. - -Marriage itself is not happiness unalloyed. Life never is in any state. -You are happier married than single, but marriage has its hard places. -The romance soon dies out. Real life comes. The every day living -together brings friction. It is for better and for worse. It seems a -light thing to say at the time when you are sure it will all be for -the better. You fancy you have only half learned his goodness. In many -cases that is so. In many more it is not: it is for the worse. Then -the break comes. Gradually his weaknesses will be revealed to you. The -golden idol shows clay feet. Slowly the gilding is all rubbed off, and -the idol is seen to be clay all through. Many a woman meets with this -disappointment. It is the great disappointment of her life. God help -the woman who finds that her husband is unworthy of her love! A weak -woman sinks under the blow, and drags him even farther down. A strong -woman will stand up bravely and in the end draw him up to her heights. - -She must gather together all her love for him. She must allow religion -to take the helm with this love or all is lost. Sometimes love reels: -sometimes the senses do. Then, of all times, a woman must watch herself -well. She is fighting a terrible battle with her disappointment as well -as with his faults. They must be silent battles: the more silent the -stronger they will be, and the more sure she will be of victory. She -must never by hint or word let any one outside know of his failings. -If they are of the kind which go before or which are well known by the -community, she must show the world that she is blind to them. She must -never speak against her husband even to her own mother. She must never -admit that he has a fault. She has entered into a partnership where -one partner cannot be untrue to the other. She has promised before -God to honor him. Her loyalty may save him. It is certain that if she -does talk about him, and it comes to his ears, it will drive him away -from her. When a breach is made between husband and wife, it widens -continually. What in the beginning is a tiny thread soon becomes a -broad gulf. It is really wonderful what a little while it takes for -this breach to widen, and how disastrous are the effects. Our daily -papers are a continual illustration of that fact. - -A perfect wife will never allow her opinion of her unworthy husband to -be known. If he is unkind to her, she hides it as she hides her own -misdeeds. Indeed, she would rather take upon herself the blame for -any trouble others may have seen. She is pleased always with any kind -attention he receives. A lady wrote her sister, with whom her husband -was stopping for a few days: “He writes me you are doing every thing to -make his visit pleasant. Thank you. Whatever kindness you bestow upon -him you bestow upon me.” - -You will find plenty of listeners when you tell of your husband’s -faults and your own wrongs. They will be your apparent sympathizers. -Not one, however, will respect you for doing so. No one will care about -you. Almost all will repeat it to some one else. It will be generally -said that you live unhappily with your husband. You will have as much -blame as he has. It is the way of the world. It knows pretty well that -the wife who so far forgets herself as to talk against her husband -is as much to blame for the trouble as he is. She cannot be a good, -loving, Christian wife, who is trying to lead him to better things. -Such a woman would hold her tongue. In telling, you have simply opened -all the doors and windows of your house and invited the community to -look their fill at your most private affairs. The rest of the doors -and windows of the community are closed. You have noticed--have you -not?--that your confidence has not been returned. No, indeed. It is -well known that the woman who cannot guard her husband’s honor cannot -respect another’s confidence. If only in the sight of men then, the -untrue wife is the loser. She sends him into greater wrong. She undoes -herself as she undoes him. Together they must rise or fall. Many a -woman in her blind anger at her husband has tried to crush him. Like -Samson, when he would crush the Philistines, she has succeeded, but -only to bury herself in the ruins with him. - -That her husband is not what she thought him, is no excuse: she took -him for worse as well as better. She is simply showing that she is not -one whit above him, and that he has been decidedly deceived in her. He -has gotten the worse too. - -Unfortunately true, good men have bad wives, too--they are not confined -to bad husbands only. There are wives of good men who forget that the -husband’s whole happiness depends upon them. Many a wife forgets this -great responsibility. His business may be successful and everything -outside going along satisfactorily, but if he has no peace at home -he has no happiness. A woman who does not make her husband happy -fails in her great life-work. She is unworthy to be the mother of his -children. God gave woman to man to be his helpmeet; she is no helpmeet -if she makes his life wretched. It is her highest pleasure, her great -“rights,” to smooth his path. If she fail there, she far better never -have married. - -What a man wants in his wife is companionship, sympathy, and love. -He wants to feel that she is his best friend. He never wants to look -anywhere else for sympathy and help: he never will if he can get all -he needs from her. His life has many hard places: he needs a companion -to go over them with him. He is often overtaken by misfortunes: he -needs some one to stand by him and sympathize as she helps him to bear -them. He has to fight with poverty often, and he needs a woman whom -he feels, when he puts his arms about her, is worth fighting for. -He has many enemies: he needs a wife whose loving words will make up -for the bitter ones he hears from them. He needs a wife who will make -him forget, when he is in her presence, that there is an unkind world -outside. He meets sin everywhere: he wants a wife who will give him -words of counsel, and who will take his hands and lead him to greater -faith in, and love for, the Father. Storms will come all through life, -he must encounter them. He needs a woman who will cling to him through -the hardest. He needs her love through sunshine and victory as well. - -He wants to feel through all that his refuge is in her arms as hers is -in his. He wants a wife upon whose breast he can lay his head, when -sorrows come, and weep. He wants one who will make him feel that no -matter where else death strikes, as long as he has her he can endure -life. I remember a man who, when his dearly-beloved sister died, laid -his head on his wife’s shoulder, weeping, and said, “If it were you I -should die.” - -There are in history women upon whose strong hearts strong men have -leaned and have become more strengthened in that leaning. Weak men have -become manly through a womanly wife. Strong men have been weakened by -a weak, wicked wife. Truly a man is made or marred when he marries. He -must indeed ask his wife leave to thrive. - -It is in every woman’s power to be a well-loved wife. She cannot exact -it: she must win it. She has his affection to start upon. She must -increase it, instead of allowing it to decrease. She must not go upon -the principle that because she is his wife it is his duty to worship -her. If she does, she will be bankrupt as far as his affection is -concerned. Men are not made in that way, as I have said before, and you -must take them as you find them if you take one at all. Many a wife has -allowed her husband’s affection to die. She has fancied, maybe, that -she was lowering her dignity to try to keep what she considered was her -due. Nothing is our due of which we are not worthy. We are not worthy -of a love we do not try to keep. Women who are exacting after marriage -are generally the ones who tried the hardest to attract the man at -first. It is generally the girl who runs after a man till she gets him -who makes no effort after marriage to retain his love, and who talks -the loudest about her “rights, and not grovelling at his feet,” if it -is suggested that she do better. - -Before she married she dressed for him. Nothing she owned was too -pretty to put on when she knew he would see her. She was careful to -be tidy in her person. She would never let him see a room in her home -which was in disorder. She was courteous always. She never said an -impatient word to him or before him. If he was cross, she bore it like -an angel. She greeted him always when he came with a sweet smile and -caress. She had loving words for him as she told him how she wanted to -see him every minute since they had parted. She desired in every way -to appear at her best before him. She hid every defect of temper or -disposition. - -After marriage she does not care how untidy she is when he comes home. -She never thinks of dressing for him. She is not courteous to him. She -has no loving word, and she never hesitates to speak a cross one to -him. She has smiles yet for the outside world, but none for the man -whom she has promised to love and honor. She talks to him as she would -be ashamed to have any one hear her speak. She never bears with him. If -he is cross, she is crosser. Is it any wonder she loses his love? She -is not what he thought she was, or what he thought he was marrying. If -he had seen her in her true colors before the fatal words were spoken, -he never would have bound himself to her. The beautiful soul, the sweet -smile that won him, are gone. The gentle spirit he fancied he detected, -was a delusion. What he loved, he does not possess. He possesses an -unwomanly wife, and that he did not woo. With a weak man there comes a -break. He often seeks his happiness with another woman. A strong man -endures in silence, growing old and sad, broken in his youth. - -Ought this to be? There is no reason, because you have grown familiar -to each other, you should not try to hide your temper as you did -before. There is no reason, because he is “caught” and cannot get away -from you, that you should cease to be attractive to him. You spread -your net well. Now make the nest so attractive that he will be glad -that he was “caught.” Be all that you led him to fancy you were. - -Why should not a woman dress for her husband? Why should she not -cultivate a sweet disposition for him and endeavor to make his home -the happiest spot on earth? Why not try to banish from it every cloud, -everything that will annoy or irritate? Is it of no use? It is of the -greatest earthly use. It is a means of helping you both on to Heaven. -If you must be selfish, remember it is making yourself happier to have -your husband love you as he loves no other earthly being. Men, after -all, are easily pleased--you found that out in your courtship days. -They are easily managed too. A man will do almost everything for the -wife that makes him happy. He is almost too much of a slave to her. -She can do what she will to him. With him, getting her own way is only -a matter of tact and sweetness. Husbands are almost all like the man -in the fable of the wind and sun. The sun beat in the end. Warmth of -love and sweetness of manner will gain a victory, where an ill-tempered -insisting upon “rights” fails completely. - -Ward McAllister says in his “Society as I Have Found It,” “My advice to -all married women is to keep up flirting with their husbands as much -after marriage as before; to make themselves as attractive after their -marriage as they were when they captivated them; not to neglect their -toilet, but rather to improve it: to be as coquettish and coy after -they are bound together as before when no ties held them.” - - - - -Choice Selections in Poetry and Prose. - - -Compiled by RHODUM L. GRIGGS. - - -INTRODUCTION. - -We know that there is an unfortunate tendency in human nature to treat -with levity the subject of love, courtship and marriage. But a moment’s -consideration should convince you how utterly repugnant it is to all -manly feelings to jest in these matters. They are the most serious -questions of your life, as your weal or woe, and the weal and woe of -those who come after you, depend in great measure, upon the wisdom and -virtue with which you conduct your preparations for marriage. The whole -tendency of such lightness is to cause the marriage relation to be -lightly esteemed, and the true aim of courtship to be lost sight of, -for unless you view it in its true light, with that sober earnestness -which the subject demands, your courtship will be nothing more than a -grand game of hypocrisy, resulting in misery the most deplorable. - - -LOVE. - -Love is an actual need, an urgent requirement of the heart. Every -properly constituted human being who entertains an appreciation of -loneliness and looks forward to a home of happiness and content, feels -the necessity of loving. - -Without love, life is unfinished; hope, without aim; nature defective, -and man miserable. Love is the ruling element of life; the great -instrument of nature; that soft, subduing sun against whose melting -beams there is not one human soul in a million, not a thousand men in -all earth’s domain, whose hearts are hardened. Love, if pure, unselfish -and discreet, constitutes the chief happiness of human life. No man -or woman is complete in their experience of life until they have been -subdued into union with the world through their affections. The bosom -which does not feel love is cold; the mind which does not conceive -it is dull; the philosophy which does not accept it is false; the -only true religion in the world has pure, undying love for its basis. -Look back over your life; if there is a bright spot to be seen, it is -where the star of love shed its light; if there is a plant, flower or -any beautiful thing visible it is where the smiles and tears of your -affections were spent; where some fond eye met your own; where some -endearing heart was clasped to yours. - -Love, to make your life and home beautiful, must shine on through -years, and its radiance linger till the shadows of death darken -altogether. - - -COURTSHIP - -Is the first turning point in your life, crowded with perils and -temptations. The rose tints of affection dazzle and bewilder your -imagination. You should not trust too much to the impulse of the heart, -or be too easily captivated by a winning exterior. - -Not once in a hundred times do two natures, brought side by side, -harmonize in every part. While always bearing in mind that life without -love is a wilderness, it should not be overlooked that true affection -requires solid support. Your object in courtship should not be to -charm, gratify, nor please simply for the present pleasure, but for -the selection of a companion who must bear, suffer and enjoy life -with you in all its forms; one who will walk pleasantly, willingly -and confidingly by your side through all the intricate and changing -vicissitudes incident to mortal life; one possessed of a constitution -of soul similar to your own; of similar age, opinions, tastes, habits, -modes of thought and feeling; one who under any given combination of -circumstances would be affected as you would; one who would approve -what you approve and condemn what you condemn; not for the purpose of -agreeing with you but of her own free will; one who is already united -to you by the ties of spiritual harmony. In the selection of a wife, a -pure, loving heart and good common sense are many times more valuable -than personal beauty or wealth, for once installed in the affections -of such a woman, you have a life claim on her good offices, and no -sacrifice that she can make is too great, no adversity so strong -that it can shake her firmness. True courtship is withal a beautiful -sight. Only the coarse and illiterate can see there aught for ridicule -or jest. It is the flowing together of two separate lives that have -heretofore been divided, now mysteriously brought together, to flow on -through all time, and only God in His infinite wisdom knows how far in -the shadowy hereafter. - - -MARRIAGE. - -For all professions, trades and callings in life, men and women prepare -themselves by previous attention to their principles and duties. They -study them, devote time and money to them. Every imaginable case, -difficulty or trial is considered and duly disposed of according to -the general principles of the trade or profession. But marriage, the -most important and holy relation of life, involving the most sacred -responsibilities and influences, social, civil and religious, that bear -upon men and women, is entered upon in hot haste or blind stupidity by -a great majority of the men and women of to-day. - -No man has a right to ask a woman to enter matrimonial bonds with him -unless he is thoroughly acquainted with the female constitution and -character, for he who knows not her nature knows not how to gratify -or satisfy that nature. It is ignorance in these matters that causes -a great amount of matrimonial infelicity. Marriage, to be a blessing, -must be properly entered. It has its fundamental laws, which must be -obeyed. - -The conditions upon which its joys and advantages are realized may be -learned beforehand, and should not be entered in blindness, but in -the light of a perfect knowledge of its rules and regulations, its -promises, conditions, laws and privileges, so that no uncertainty shall -follow a knowledge of its reality. Some are disappointed in marriage -because they expect too much from it. Their imagination has pictured a -condition of things never experienced on this side of heaven. With the -marriage ceremony you enter a new world, if you enter understandingly, -and live as becomes thoughtful, considerate human beings, each -trying to bear with the other’s infirmities, and to consider the -other’s happiness as paramount to their own. Marriage then becomes a -delightful scene of domestic happiness, to which all true men and women -look forward as the condition of life most consonant to their true -happiness. - - -SELECTION OF A HUSBAND. - -To the young woman who is just about to determine her start in life, -we would say: Give up your whole mind to this problem of finding a -husband whom you can love, and who can love you. It is worthy of your -utmost effort. Remember that in selecting the father of your child -the qualities which will show in the little one have no relation to -his accomplishments, and that even the homeliest features may become -beautiful, shining with the light of his noble qualities. - -The profession of motherhood stands ready to give you every repayment -if you will but devote to fitting yourself for its duties the same -patient effort you would give to the study of any science, or the same -energy you would throw into social duties. - -Unlike social distinction, it will not be disappointing; but as the -years go by, loving children will stand ready to enthrone you in their -hearts and gratefully recognize your every effort in their behalf. - -_First_--Give perfect truth and exact it. - -_Second_--Use every endeavor to eradicate your own faults, and gently, -patiently and lovingly help your companion to do the same. - -_Third_--Do not expect too much from either yourself or your mate. Be -humble, with a clear understanding of your own limitations; but be firm -in the determination that with each day you will climb together to a -higher level. - -_Fourth_--Do not be discouraged at slow progress. Do not doubt that in -the end you will be repaid for all effort. So also do not doubt that if -you are careless, selfish or deceitful you will be planting seeds for -eventual catastrophe. - - -WHAT PLEASES MEN AND WOMEN. - - -THE WOMAN. - -It pleases her to be told that she is fascinating; to be called well -dressed; to be called sensible; to depend on some man and pretend -that she is ruling him; to be told that she improves man by her -companionship; to be treated courteously and with respect, and to be -talked to reasonably. - -It pleases her to be treated sensibly and honestly; to be considered -and questioned, and not treated as a butterfly with no head or heart. -It pleases her to be loved and admired by a man who is strong enough -to subdue her and make _his_ way her way; to lead her and take care -of her; and it pleases her to find happiness in being ruled by an -intellect that she can look up to admiringly, and one to whom her mind -bows in reverence. - - -THE MAN. - -It pleases the man to have a woman love him; to have her lead him in -the way he wants to go; to have her sometimes treat him as a great big -baby, to be cared for, petted and caressed; also to have her think -him great, and good, and true, and favor him with her attentions -accordingly. It pleases him to have a woman’s bright eyes expressing -the approbation, approval and admiration the lips do not speak. - -It pleases him to have her hand smooth away the careworn expression -and wrinkles from his brow, and to have her strength to help him over -the weak places in life. It pleases a worthy man who tries to be good -to have a sweet woman lead him in the way called beautiful. A woman -can sink a man to the depths of misery or help him to the zenith of -happiness; her smile inspires him. - - -MOODY’S EULOGY ON WOMEN. - -“I think that the Almighty intended the work of woman in this world -should be, above all, the rearing of a family. He gave into her keeping -the souls and characters of the young, to make or mar. And surely there -is no nobler or more responsible work than this. From the home--the -domain of woman--spring most of the highest impulses of humanity. And -to fit woman for her great work the Creator made her of a finer cast -than man; there is nothing on earth so noble, so pure, so exalted, so -near the ideal of character, as a woman. Woman can rise higher than -man, but she can likewise sink lower. The very height which she can -attain seems to make her fall the greater when she does fall. There -is great strength and great weakness in woman’s character; and it is -a vital duty of men, whose greater evenness of temperament gives them -greater self-control, and consequently a commanding position, to do -everything in their power to enable the woman to be true to her higher -nature. - -“I believe that, other things being equal, the happiest woman is the -woman who is a mother and the maker of a home; but if she cannot fulfil -her true destiny, if she must enter the business world, she should be -given the greatest consideration, simply because she is a woman. I have -heard women say that they ask for nothing on the ground of sex. Perhaps -they don’t, but personally I cannot forget their sex. Even in a purely -business matter, my attitude and manner toward them are not just what -they would be toward men.”--_Dwight L. Moody._ - - * * * * * - -“God has made the mind of woman the complement to the mind of man. - -“When properly coupled they are a source of strength to each other. -As steel and flint strike fire, so the brightest wit and best thought -spring from the intellectual union of man and wife. Beginning as a -stimulus to research and higher endeavor, each learns to know the mind -of the other. A glance often reads thought without the spoken word.” - - -A MOTHER’S SMILE. - - Though a mother may seem void of beauty, - Her tongue have no art to beguile, - To her children there’s nothing so lovely - As her face when bright with a smile. - - When they wake from the slumbers of childhood, - And gaze on the world, half afraid, - If they see mother’s face bending o’er them, - Their swift-starting fears are allayed. - - To their fingers her cheek is the softest, - Though care may have hardened its lines, - And their bruises are healed by her kisses, - From lips on which age has its signs. - - She’s a comrade to share in their pastimes, - A refuge if dangers betide, - There is always a comfort in troubles, - A haven of peace at her side. - - Oh, ye mothers, smile oft on your children, - For blest is the woman whose face, - Once impressed on these hearts in their childhood, - Nor distance nor time can efface. - - And more happy the man or the woman, - Immersed in the world’s snare and wile, - Who bears upon memory’s tablets - The thought of a mother’s fond smile. - - -A LOW VOICE IN WOMAN. - -Yes, we agree with that old poet, who said that a low, soft voice -was an excellent thing in woman. Indeed, we feel inclined to go much -farther than he has on the subject, and call it one of her crowning -charms. How often the spell of beauty is rudely broken by coarse, loud -talking! How often you are irresistibly drawn to a plain, unassuming -woman, whose soft, silvery tones render her positively attractive. In -the social circle, how pleasant it is to hear a woman talk in that -low key which always characterizes the true lady. In the sanctuary of -home how such a voice soothes the fretful child and cheers the weary -husband. - - -CONNUBIALITIES. - -It is the hardest thing in love to feign it where it is not, or hide it -where it is; but it is easier counterfeited than concealed. The face -of her we love is the fairest of sights, and her voice the sweetest -harmony in the world. A man is more reserved in his friend’s concerns -than in his own; a woman, on the contrary, keeps her own concerns -better than another’s. A woman will think herself slighted if she is -not courted, yet pretends to know herself too well to believe your -flattery. Absence is to love what fasting is to the body; a little -stimulates it, but a long abstinence is fatal. The greatest pleasure -of life is love; the greatest treasure, contentment; the greatest -possession, health; the greatest ease is sleep; and the greatest -medicine, a true friend. - - -LOVE. - - “It helps us to bear with the trouble, - It helps us to stand in the strife, - It brightens the skies for the sorrowing eyes, - And lightens the burdens of life. - - “It makes the rose bloom in the desert, - And brings down the dew on the sod; - The tempest may beat, but the pathway is sweet - With the roses and lilies of God.” - - -YOU KISSED ME. - - “My forehead drooped low on your breast, - With a feeling of shelter and infinite rest, - While the holy emotion my tongue dared not speak - Flashed up like a flame from my heart to my cheek. - - “Your arms held me fast--Oh! your arms were so bold-- - Heart beat against heart in that passionate fold. - Your glances seemed drawing my soul through my eyes, - As the sun draws the mist from the sea to the skies. - - “You kissed me! My heart and my breath and my will, - In delicious joy, for the moment, stood still. - Life had for me then no temptations, no charms, - No vision of pleasure outside of your arms.” - - -THE MARRIAGE QUESTION. - -“Thousands marry and the majority of them live together all their -lives. But I think that not more than one couple in ten love each -other, continuously, during that time. - -“As soon as they have taken the marriage vows they feel an ownership -of each other, feel that they are bound so that they cannot get away, -and so grow careless about each other’s comforts and pleasures, until, -before they realize it, love has flown, and then it depends upon the -dispositions of the two whether it is a cat-and-dog life or one of -friendship and companionship without love. Remember this: It is nature -to love, and if you do not retain the love of your husband or wife, -some one else is liable to do so. - -“For a while you may bind a person to you by marriage vows, but love -can only be bound by love, and it takes the same devotion, the same -love after it is won that it takes to win it in the first place.”--_Goe -Van Hise_, Glendale, Cal. - - * * * * * - -Many boys and girls enter matrimony before they are old enough to -realize the responsibility they assume, and they frequently fill -their lives with bitterness by acting so rashly. Wait till you are -old enough to exercise judgment in the choice of your companion; then -choose wisely, and enthrone the goddess of Love upon a heart stamped -with eternal fidelity, and be your home a palace or a cottage, it will -indeed be a “sweet, sweet home.” - - -THE AGES OF LOVE. - -The Outlook, in the Thorwaldsen Gallery, Copenhagen. - - * * * * * - -Friend--It reminds me forcibly of the time when “they were both naked -and were not ashamed.” Indeed, it gave me a new comprehension of the -meaning of that text. - -Guide--Which of all Thorwaldsen’s works did you like the best? - -Philosopher--How is it possible to tell? There were at least a dozen -best. - -Friend--The “Ages of Love,” because it suggested a sermon to me which I -am going to preach some time. - - * * * * * - -The “Ages of Love” is a bas-relief consisting essentially of six -figures, though so combined as to make, as it were, one tableau. In -the first, a covered basket contains a number of imprisoned Cupids, -and a child is curiously lifting a corner of the cover to look in -and learn what love is like. In the second an attendant female -figure--Venus?--has taken a Cupid out of the basket, and a maiden is -eagerly and imploringly reaching out both hands to receive it. In the -third her prayer has been granted, and the woman clasps the Cupid -to her breast. In the fourth the woman is still holding Cupid, but -carelessly by the wings, her mind evidently on other things intent. In -the fifth a man sits looking upon the ground, while Cupid sits perched -upon his back, and he knows not why he is there. In the sixth Cupid -has taken his flight and is just beyond the reach of an old man, who -stretches out his hands in vain to recover the fugitive. - - * * * * * - -Guide--And pray, parson, what would your sermon be? - -Friend--Just Thorwaldsen’s sermon; nothing more. It would be in five -subdivisions. First: Childhood inquiring into love. It is right to -inquire. The father and mother should answer the inquiry and not leave -the child to learn of this most sacred mystery of life from profane -lips. Second: Maidenhood seeking love. She is right to seek it. It -is idle to sing, “Love not, love not! the thing you love will die.” -Love is “the greatest thing in the world,” above all others best worth -seeking. Third: Motherhood possessing. Love is wealth indeed, and the -only wealth worth having. The poorest is rich if he have love, and the -richest is poor if he have it not. Fourth: Manhood forgetting love. -Alas, that so many of us no sooner possess love than we forget it, and -are indifferent to it, and put it aside. Love, the most valuable of all -knowledge, has been bestowed on us, and we forget it; the most sacred -of all possessions has been given us, and we turn our backs upon it. -Ambition usurps love’s crown, and the true king is forgotten. And -thus, fifth, and last of all: Love, forgotten, flies away, and the -unloved old man looks longingly about for some one to love him, and -there is none, and he drops into his grave unloved and not missed. It -is the tragedy of life: youth inquiring; maidenhood seeking; motherhood -possessing; manhood forgetting; old age losing. - -Guide--When you preach that sermon, give us notice and we will come to -hear it. - -Friend--Better, instead, buy a photograph of Thorwaldsen’s bas-relief -and study that. The sermon is all there--and more is there besides. - - -WHICH ONE? - - One of us, dear, with grief untold, - Must the other’s death with pain behold, - Must stand with hand in living hold - Of stiffened fingers growing cold. - Dearest, which one? - - One of us, dear, bereft of cheer, - Must pause beside a flower-strewn bier, - Must kneel alone and drop a tear - Upon a form to heart so dear. - Dearest, which one? - - One of us, dear, with heart like lead, - Must stand beside a narrow bed, - Must hear the sod fall on the dead - With anguished breath and nameless dread. - Dearest, which one? - - One of us, dear, with stifled moan, - Must henceforth walk the world alone; - Must ever yearn for a tender tone, - Heard only around the Great White Throne. - Dearest, which one? - - -KIND WORDS. - -Kind words may prove pearls of the highest price; soften and turn away -wrath; make friendship out of enmity, and build a monument of good that -the storms of time cannot destroy. Cherish them, dear boys and girls. A -kind heart full of love and sympathy and loving words, will spring to -your lips to bless, to help and to comfort all around you. “That which -the fountain sends forth returns again to the fountain.” - - Better to hope, though the clouds hang low, - And to keep the eyes still lifted, - For the still blue sky will still peep through - When the ominous clouds are rifted. - - There was never a night without a day, - Or an evening without a morning; - And the darkest hour, as the proverb goes, - “Is the hour before the dawning.” - -A life of real virtue, of nobleness, of true greatness, is not an -accident. It comes, if it comes at all, from lofty aspirations, from -incorruptible motives, long cherished, and held sacred as life. - - -SIN. - -“Sin is the most expensive thing possible. It wastes money. It wears -the body into decay. But, bad as these things are, there are even worse -behind, for it blights the intellect and withers the moral nature -of man. It weakens the will; it blunts the conscience; it hardens -the heart. It dries up all the finer feelings of the soul, so that -ultimately all regard for truth and holiness and purity is gone. But -worse yet, sin is an enslaving thing. It becomes the master of the -man who indulges in it and sets him to do the hardest drudgery. It -hires him out, as it were, to feed swine, leaving him to feed along -with them. That which was at first a joy becomes in the end a bondage. -That which was first a pleasant companion becomes at length a cruel -task-master, which compels him to make bricks without straw, and -sometimes even without clay.”--_Dr. W. M. Taylor._ - -Let not sin, therefore, reign in your M-O-R-T-A-L body.--Rom. vi. 12. - - -A HYMN. - - “O, help me, Lord, by grace to win - The victory o’er this world of sin, - For I am weak when left alone, - I have no strength to call my own. - - “O! lead me by Thy gentle hand, - Across this desert’s burning sand, - And when I’m weary let me rest - My aching head upon Thy breast. - - “Direct my mind to things divine, - And keep my thoughts as pure as Thine; - Oh, let no wicked thoughts come in. - Let nothing cause my soul to sin. - - “Upon Thy bosom let me lean - And keep my words so pure and clean - That angels hearing would not blush, - Nor heaven’s cry my voice to hush. - - “REFRAIN. - - “O, help me, Lord, by grace to win - The victory o’er this world of sin, - And o’er the billows safely guide - Me to life’s port on the other side.” - - JOHN W. GRIGGS, - Upshaw, Ala. - Jan. 26, 1903. - - -THE SCULPTOR’S DREAM. - - “Chisel in hand stood a sculptor boy, - With his marble block before him, - And his face lit up with a smile of joy, - As an angel dream passed o’er him. - He carved the dream on that shapeless stone, - With many a sharp incision; - With heaven’s own light the sculptor shone-- - He had caught the angel-vision. - - “Sculptors of life are we, as we stand, - With our soul uncarved before us, - Waiting the hour, when at God’s command, - Our life-dream passes o’er us. - If we carve it then on the yielding stone, - With many a sharp incision, - Its heavenly beauty shall be our own-- - Our lives that angel-vision.” - - BISHOP G. W. DOANE. - - -BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. - - “If you have a gray-haired mother - In the old home far away, - Sit down and write the letter - You put off day by day. - Don’t wait until her tired steps - Reach heaven’s pearly gate-- - But show her that you think of her - Before it is too late. - - “If you’ve a tender message - Or a loving word to say, - Don’t wait till you forget it, - But whisper it to-day. - Who knows what bitter memories - May haunt you if you wait?-- - So make your loved ones happy - Before it is too late. - - “We live but in the present, - The future is unknown-- - To-morrow is a mystery, - To-day is all our own. - The chance that fortune lends to us - May vanish while we wait, - So spend your life’s rich treasure - Before it is too late. - - “The tender words unspoken, - The letter never sent, - The long-forgotten messages, - The wealth of love unspent. - For these some hearts are breaking, - For these some loved ones wait-- - So show them that you care for them - Before it is too late.” - - -HOW TO TALK TO MEN. - -There are many young girls who complain that they do not know how to -talk to men. They have probably been brought up almost exclusively -among their own sex, and, therefore, look upon men very much as upon -beings of another world, and when they find themselves in masculine -society they are at a loss to know how to make themselves agreeable, -and what to talk about. Their task would be lightened if they realized -that men are, after all, very nearly akin to themselves, and that they -have very much the same ideas, feelings and sentiments. The failure -to recognize this fact generally earns them the character among their -male acquaintances for unamiability or pride; seldom, indeed, are they -credited with the timidity of ignorance. The girl who generally is -acceptable with men is without self-consciousness, and talks to a man -much in the same style as she would to a girl friend. - -She is not always thinking of herself and the impression she creates, -but she is kind and sympathetic, and she interests herself in him and -his affairs, and lets him feel it; always, however, taking care to -avoid excess in this respect. When talking with him she shows interest -in the matter under discussion, but, while holding to her own opinions, -she takes care not to assert them with too great eagerness. - -No man was ever really influenced by a self-assertive, dogmatic woman, -and the woman who wishes to have men friends must remember that the -secret of both her power and her popularity lies in her gentleness, -sweetness and good temper. She must be cheery, too, and ready with -her smiles; but that is quite another thing, be it remembered, from -the senseless giggling which some girls seem to fancy is particularly -charming to the other sex. - - -ABOUT ATTRACTING HUSBANDS. - -Men have, since the world began, been angled for deliberately by girls, -and times out of count have been caught. - -Girls will continue to fish for husbands, and will continue to catch -them as long as marriage is a fashion--a state likely to coincide with -the length of time the world lasts. - -But for all that, it need not be asserted, as it so often is, that -all girls angle. Why should the word be used, moreover, with such -bitterness? Surely it is not wrong of girls to behave charmingly and -make themselves look attractive and pretty, and especially so in the -eyes of those men for whose good opinion they are most anxious? If they -were to wear sackcloth and go about veritable kill-joys, is it likely -that they would succeed in winning what they want? - -It is said that love is never evenly distributed, and that in every -engaged couple there is more love on one side than on the other. Women -fall in love with the opposite sex just as often as the opposite sex -does with them. What is to happen if a girl sees a man she believes she -could fondly love, and whom she is sure would fondly love her, if she -is debarred from angling for him? - -A girl may not propose to a man. She may not put to him the anxious -question, “Do you love me?” From her lips it would be unpardonable were -the tender pleading, “Will you marry me?” to proceed. But she sees one -whom she has good reason to think she could wed and be happy with, and -the sole step she can rightly take to bring about a declaration of love -from him is just this: She can make herself so pleasant and fascinating -that he falls in love with her, and asks her that sweet question she -has so deeply longed to hear from him. - -The feminine angler should be very cautious. Let her declare her -purpose--should it be only by a startled word--and a hundred eyes will -dart scorn at her, a hundred tongues condemn her. She who is wise, -however, is careful--both for the sake of the man she loves and her own -reputation--that the little wiles she practices shall appeal only to -him, and shall not be observable by those onlookers who are popularly -supposed to see most of the game. Women are undoubtedly endowed with -a special measure of instinct, and are therefore able to accomplish -wonders, apparently never planned or premeditated. Woe be it to the -swain who does not want to fall in love, should some fair daughter of -Eve will that he shall! - -There is this to console him, however: that the said daughter of Eve, -should she be discreet and diplomatic, will so work matters that -the happy man will never guess that he has been singled out for -preference. He will take the bait and greedily swallow it, all the time -under the impression that he was the angler, and that it was only after -the greatest struggle that he managed to land his prize. - -He will be as proud of his achievement as he can be--that is to say, if -the girl who has caught him has been very canny during her maneuvers. -She need not be deceitful, nor forward, nor unwomanly, nor any of the -other plain-spoken and objectionable epithets applied to the feminine -angler. - -As has been pointed out, she need merely be a tactful, purposeful, -clever girl, one who, knowing her own powers to charm, exercises them -for the most valuable end and aim life offers--that of forming a home -in which two persons may be happy, and from which they may radiate -a sufficiency of joy to make the world about it more contented and -felicitous than it was before. - -Do marriages arranged as an outcome of the angling principle turn out -well? Does the fascinating little woman whose bright eyes, pretty ways -and dainty dress won her a husband, having secured what she desired, -make for the man whose helpmeet she has elected to be a good wife? If -she does, a dozen to one he will never find out that he was caught; or -if she in some sweet moment should divulge to him the secret, and tell -him in whispers and with shy kisses, how she did her best to draw him -to her, he will, with further kisses, solemnly declare unto her his -delight and gratitude that she so thoughtfully and cleverly made things -easy for a blundering idiot like himself. - -On the contrary, should she abandon every effort to please directly -or soon after the golden circlet is firmly on her finger, how rapidly -will his eyes be opened to all the crude and ugly scheming she employed -to secure him! How bitterly will he rue the weak moment in which he -succumbed to her blandishments. Then will the memory of her charming -little speeches and sweet little ways be dust and ashes to him. He will -cease to believe in women, taught by his captor to distrust the sex for -her sake. - -There is all the difference in the world between the girl who angles -honestly, so that a happy union may be had with the man she loves, and -the girl who angles simply for the achievement of some tribute to her -vanity--a wealthy husband, a husband with more money than her friend’s -husband possesses, or a husband who will give her a title and position. - -There are few women so purely calculating that, once having achieved -their object, they can deliberately show themselves in their true -colors. Captious, irritable, ill-tempered, untidy--all these -distressing characteristics they may reveal to their miserable husbands -later, but for the first few weeks of marriage they rarely unmask. It -is when the home is settled into, and the regular routine of existence -begins, that the test is fairly made. - -The admirable angler now shows herself in her true colors. She means -to be a good housekeeper, so she studies her husband’s likes and -dislikes, and incontestably, though silently, demonstrates to him that -since he hates bacon he shall not have it every morning. Above all, she -reflects, and recollects, and realizes that what he loved her for in -those very early days, when first she taught him to grow fond of her, -were her pretty ways. And who shall say, with so glorious a result as -this winning woman shall achieve, that she was wrong in her girlhood to -be an angler? - -If there were more of them! But there are more than is imagined. Only -it is the happy country that has no history, and the successful angler -that has no historian. - - -DUTIES OF AN ENGAGED GIRL. - -An engaged girl should endeavor to be both a comfort and a help to her -lover; not merely a pet and plaything. It is a very bad augury for the -future when a man instinctively feels that a wax doll would be of as -much use to his worries as she whom he intends making his helpmeet for -life. And yet, only the other day, a gentleman was heard to exclaim: -“No, no; I would not trouble Lily for the world; why, she is only made -for the sunshine and the flowers.” - -Again, it is the engaged girl’s duty to be open and candid in all -her relations with her lover. The seeds of much future distrust and -unhappiness are sown if once he suspects she is keeping a secret from -him. It is also her duty to be considerate of his wishes, and if he -have a harmless antipathy to any little thing or other, let her humor -him in this. No doubt she also has some little “fads” which require -consideration. - -For instance, that girl was wise who ceased adopting “mannish” ways -because her sweetheart disapproved. By doing so she only rendered -herself more charming than ever in his eyes. To be punctual is another -of the engaged girl’s duties. She has no more business to keep her -lover waiting than he has to keep her waiting. Tardiness is not a sign -of maidenly indifference, as some damsels seem to think. It is merely -an indication of bad manners. Of course, it is her bounden duty to be -engaged openly. Her lover should be known to her parents, and, where -practicable, should visit her at her own house. In conclusion, I will -mention the last and most important duty of all, and that is that she -should love her lover with her whole heart, mind and strength. If she -does not perform this office thoroughly and well, the others might just -as easily be left alone. - - -PREMATURE MATRIMONY. - -Marriage is a divine and beautiful arrangement, as designed in -God’s providence. It is the blending of two spirits in one. Man is -incomplete without his wife: he has strength, she has beauty. “It is -not good that man should be alone.” “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a -good thing.” - - “Of all the joys that man can feel, - The purest sure are there. - While o’er his heart affections steal, - Like balmy summer air; - His wife’s caress, his children’s smile, - Unlike the world are free from guile.” - -Premature marriages are among the greatest evils of the times--the -result of fancy. The ballroom or evening party never develops real -character. Matches made at such places, or made under similar -circumstances, are not of the class that originate in heaven. They more -generally are conceived in the opposite place, and bring forth only -iniquity. - -The true way to study and learn one another is to do it at home, in -the parlor, in the kitchen, and on occasions that test the temper. -We see the result of premature unions in the almost daily divorces -that are taking place; in the running away of husbands--leaving their -wives and children to starve--and in the elopement of wives. Not only -this, but we witness it in broken-spirited men, made old in the prime -of life, struggling on for mere food, clothing, and mere shelter; and -in woman, cross, sluttish and wrinkled. And the result does not stop -with the husband and wife. There are the children; they partake of the -feebleness and vices of the parents, both physical and moral, and go -out into the world stunted and gnarled. Young friends, _beware_! - - “O lasses take care where fancy lights, - This world’s full of snares: - The end of frolicsome fancy’s flights - Is oft a nest of cares.” - -A judicious writer, alluding to the matrimonial state, says: “There -is not a city, scarcely a township, which does not number among its -inhabitants women who have married on very short acquaintance, only -to be abused, deserted, and left a burden and a lifelong sorrow to -the families in which they were born and reared, and which they most -imprudently and improperly deserted to share the fortunes of relative -strangers.” - -If young ladies would realize how grossly indelicate, as well as -culpably reckless, such marriages appear in the eyes of the observing, -they surely would forbear. A year’s thorough acquaintance, with -the most circumstantial accounts, from disinterested and reliable -witnesses, of the antecedents from childhood, are the very least -guarantee which any woman who realizes what marriage is, will require -of a stranger. - -Even then, if her parents are not fully satisfied, as well as herself, -she should still hesitate. Marriage is an undertaking in which no delay -can be so hazardous as undue precipitation. - -“A prudent man foreseeth the evil and hideth himself; but the simple -pass on and are punished.”--_Solomon._ - -In how many instances, of the present day, is marriage merely a -union of hands--the affection not being taken into consideration. -The question on the one side, “Is she handsome? has she money?” on -the other, “Can he support me in style? shall I be able to make an -appearance?” How much better would it be to ask, “Has the woman a -heart capable of pure affection?” “Will she be willing to share with -me adversity as well as prosperity?” “Will she forsake all others and -cleave only to me through weal and woe?” - -And woman, yes, woman, she whose very nature ought to stimulate her -to higher and holier motives for taking upon herself the marriage -relation, is too often anxious only as to the length of her husband’s -purse, and the amount of his bank stock; the heart, the mind, the -intellect, in fact everything really worth marrying for, being -non-essentials. - -But, oh, the misery which too often follows such marriages! The -husband, when it is too late, laments his blindness and his folly. -The wife is made to realize that riches take to themselves wings and -fly away; and then comes the consciousness of a want of sympathy and -congeniality of feelings. Both are thrown back upon themselves, for not -a chord in the breast of one vibrates in unison with the other. - -Let the young beware how they enter the marriage state from such -motives, lest they wake too late from the delusion. Consult the -judgment, and hesitate when that says “Beware.” Let the property be -_in_ rather than _with_ the companion. - -Oh, the loneliness of an unwedded heart! The hands may be united, but -to feel that in heart you are separated must be misery indeed. To think -of being obliged to associate for life with one who has not a feeling -of sympathy with you, and who is, moreover, in sentiment, taste and -feeling directly opposed to you--how revolting the thought! Then, let -love, not ambition, lead you to form those ties that naught but death -can honorably sever. - -Weigh well the consequences of one wrong or hasty step in the choice -of a companion for life. Walk softly here, lest you fall, to rise no -more. Seek wisdom from above. “In all thy ways acknowledge the Lord, -and He shall direct thy paths.” “Seek first the kingdom of God and His -righteousness” at all times, and you are safe. - - “Oh, happy state! when souls each other draw; - When love is liberty and nature’s law; - All then is full, possessing and possessed, - No craving void left aching in the breast; - E’en thought meets thought, ere from the lips it part, - And each warm wish springs mutual from the heart.” - - -THE GIFT OF GIFTS--A WORD TO HUSBANDS. - -Husband, have you this gift of gifts? Has God in superabounding -mercy given you a dear wife, lovely, virtuous, prudent, sensible, -intelligent, and above all a God-fearing wife, meek, modest, humble, -Christlike?--“an helpmeet” in very deed? Well, what do you think of it? -Do you appreciate the blessing duly?--make suitable returns? _Can_ you -do it? Such a gift is unspeakable. How few, comparatively, appreciate -the gift of a good wife? - -A very godly man said to us recently, “I thank the Lord daily, -hourly, for the jewel of a wife God hath given me.” A distinguished -writer--speaking of the value of a good wife--remarks thus: “In the -true wife the husband finds not affection only, but companionship--a -companionship with which no other can compare. The family relation -gives retirement without solitude, and society without the rough -intrusion of the world. It plants in the husband’s dwelling a friend -who can listen to the details of his interests with sympathy, who -can appreciate his repetition of events, only important as they are -embalmed in the heart. Common friends are linked to us by a slender -thread. We must retain them by ministering, in some way, to their -interest or their enjoyment. What a luxury it is for a man to feel -that in his house there is a true and affectionate being, in whose -presence he may throw off restraint without danger to his dignity; he -may confide without the fear of treachery, and be sick or unfortunate -without being abandoned. If in the outward world he grow weary of human -selfishness, his heart can safely trust in one whose soul yearns for -his happiness, and whose indulgence overlooks his defects.” - -Give your wives to understand that you esteem them above all others; -make them your confidants; confide in them and they will confide in -you; confidence begets confidence, love begets love, sweetness begets -sweetness. - -Above all, sympathize with the wives of your bosoms in the hour of -affliction. Rejoice with them when they rejoice, and weep with them -when they weep. Who, if not a bosom companion, will wipe from the cheek -the falling tear of sorrow? Finally, husbands, remember that death -will soon sever the connubial cord! When you behold her, with whom you -lived, and toiled, and wept, and rejoiced, cold and lifeless, laid in -the coffin-- - - “Think of the happiness so deep and tender - That filled thy heart when wandering by her side, - Think how her faintest smile had power to render - The darkest moment one of love and pride. - - “And now that this frail form in death grows colder, - A sweet, calm rapture fills the parting hour, - That thou art with her, though a sad beholder, - A witness of the dear Redeemer’s power!” - -Will you _then_ regret that you studied _always_ to promote her -happiness? that the law of kindness and love dwelt on your lips -_evermore_? O think, and be _now_ her ministering angel! - -“A prudent wife is from the Lord,” _directly_; to God be all the praise. - - -THE GOOD WIFE. - -Jeremy Taylor says, “If you are for pleasure, marry; if you prize -rosy health, marry; and if money is your object, marry. A good wife -is heaven’s best gift to man--his angel and minister of graces -innumerable--his gem of many virtues--his casket of jewels--her -voice, his sweetest music--her smiles, his brightest day--her kiss, -the guardian of his innocence--her arms, the pale of his safety, the -balm of his health, the balsam of his life--her industry, his surest -wealth--her economy, his safest steward--her lips his faithful -counselors--her bosom, the safest pillow of his cares--and her prayers -the ablest advocates of heaven’s blessings on his head.” - - -WOMAN. - - “She ne’er with treacherous kiss her Saviour stung, - Nor e’er denied Him with unholy tongue; - She, when apostles shrank, could danger brave; - Last at His cross and earliest at His grave.” - - * * * * * - - “To think of summers yet to come, - That I am not to see; - To think a weed is yet to bloom - From dust that I shall be! - - “To think when heaven and earth are fled, - And times and seasons o’er, - When all that can die shall be dead, - That I must die no more! - - “Ah! where will then my portion be? - How shall I spend eternity!” - - * * * * * - -The Literary Sensation of the Hour - -IS - -The Confessions of A Young Girl - -_By VERA_ - -[Illustration] - -WOULD YOU care to see love revealed in a new and entrancing light, -revealed by one whose very soul is burning with a divine and absorbing -passion? - -WOULD YOU care to have revealed to you the pre-nuptial desires of a -young and beautiful woman, madly longing for her lover’s embrace? - -WOULD YOU care to see passion revealed with a fire and intensity -inconceivable to the average human? - -WOULD YOU care to gaze into a heart throbbing deliriously with the joy -of a transcendent happiness, then staggering under the weight of a -nameless horror? - -WOULD YOU care to study the quivering soul of a woman and watch her as -she revels in wild and ecstatic emotions, the joy of bliss realized, -and later gaze upon her as she sinks into the agonizing and abysmal -depths of ruin and despair? - -WOULD YOU like to be lifted out of your dull, commonplace self and -thrilled with new thoughts, new impulses, new blood red emotions, by a -gloriously beautiful woman who opens the secret chambers of her heart -so that you may observe at close range the roaring volcano of love that -is consuming her very soul? - -Then seize this momentous opportunity and reap an experience which no -other volume can afford, by reading - -THE CONFESSIONS OF A YOUNG GIRL - -The book that has caused a sensation in the old world and is now -sweeping the Western Hemisphere like a prairie fire. - -THE LITERARY SENSATION OF TWO CONTINENTS - -Printed from large type, and bound in paper cover with illustration in -colors. Sent to any address by mail postpaid on receipt of Price, 30 -cents. - - * * * * * - -TWO HUNDRED OLD-TIME SONGS. - -This volume contains the _words and music_ of choicest gems of the old -and familiar songs we used to sing when we were young. It has been -arranged with great care and we have no hesitation in saying that it is -the best book of the kind published. Read the following =partial table -of Contents=. The book contains 130 songs besides the ones mentioned -here and would cost $50 in sheet music form. - -[Illustration] - - Willie, We Have Missed You. - Wait for the Wagon. - Oh Dear! What Can the Matter be. - Oh Why do you Tease Me. - Oh, Would I Were a Bird. - Oh, Would I Were a Boy Again. - Over the Garden Wall. - Pilgrim Fathers, The. - Pat Malloy. - Pauper’s Drive, The. - Paddle Your Own Canoe. - Robin Adair. - Robinson Crusoe. - Don’t You Go, Tommy. - Free as a Bird. - In the Gloaming. - John Anderson, My Joe. - Katie’s Letter. - Little Annie Rooney. - Larboard Watch. - Life on the Ocean Wave, A. - Low Backed Car, The. - Mollie, Put the Kettle On. - Meet Me by Moonlight. - Nancy Lee. - O, Boys Carry Me ’Long. - Oh! Susannah. - Our Flag is There. - O Had I Wings Like a Dove. - Old Oaken Bucket, The. - O Come, Come Away. - Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep. - Rock Me to Sleep, Mother. - Sparkling and Bright. - There was an Old Woman. - ’Tis the Last Rose of Summer. - Rose of Allandale. - Star Spangled Banner, The. - Saint Patrick Was a Gentleman. - See Saw, Margery Daw. - Sing a Song of Sixpence. - See, the Conquering Hero Comes. - Stop Dat Knockin’. - Sally in Our Alley. - Scots, What Ha’e Wi’ Wallace Bled. - Sword of Bunker Hill, The. - Spider and the Fly, The. - Shells of Ocean. - Steal Away. - Take Back the Heart. - Three Fishers Went Sailing. - Ten Little Niggers. - ’Tis the Last Rose of Summer. - Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay. - Thou Art Gone From My Gaze. - There is a Green Hill far Away. - There was a Jolly Miller. - -This book of 176 pages containing the above entire list of songs and -many others, _words and music_, will be sent by mail postpaid upon -receipt of price. 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In addition to the above, -“Fortune-Telling by the Magic Crystal” is gone into in detail, giving -all the symbols for a correct divination of the future. “The Oraculum: -or, Napoleon Buonaparte’s Book of Fate” (especially translated) is -given here for perhaps the first time in the English language. A table -of questions generally applicable has been compiled, and 16 pages -of answers, to suit any temperament or individuality, are given. -“Fortune-Telling With Dice” is very complete, giving an assorted list -of 32 answers to questions for every possible throw of two dice. Get -this book, study it, and use it at the first opportunity, and if the -girls don’t say you are certainly IT we’ll refund the money. Here’s a -chance to make a hit. - -The book contains 100 pages, fully illustrated, is bound in paper -cover, and will be sent by mail, postpaid, on receipt of price, 30 -cents. 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Hartt. - -Punctuation has been made consistent. - -Variations in spelling and hyphenation were retained as they appear in -the original publication, except that obvious typographical errors have -been corrected. - -The following change was made: - -p. 7: illegible first letter assumed to be y (with yearning only,) - -p. 63: her inserted (as her parents) - -Ad for “FORTUNE-TELLING BY CARDS, DICE, and CRYSTAL”: The address is -missing at the end of the ad after the “Address” label. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO GET MARRIED, ALTHOUGH A -WOMAN *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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