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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..52e79a6 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #66245 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66245) diff --git a/old/66245-0.txt b/old/66245-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 66b5027..0000000 --- a/old/66245-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1104 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Ticket to the Stars, by Raymond E. Banks - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Ticket to the Stars - -Author: Raymond E. Banks - -Release Date: September 8, 2021 [eBook #66245] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TICKET TO THE STARS *** - - - - - Earth wasn't good enough once a man had a - taste of deep space--and met his Ideal. Al Hall - wanted to know why, so he volunteered for his-- - - TICKET to the STARS - - By Raymond E. Banks - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy - February 1954 - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -I was sitting in the dining-bar of the Thousand Lights, in New York, -watching Kelly as the woman walked into the bar. There was a ripple, -an undercurrent of sensation. Not because of the way she looked, not -because of her dress, but because she was an Ideal. People hate Ideals. -The better-looking they are the more they are hated, and this one was -right on top. - -I sat at a table about twelve feet from Kelly. He sat at the bar and -I could see his face in the mirror. His face scowled in an expression -of hate. I saw him pick up his cigarettes and make a ball of the empty -package with his fist. He tried to look away; his eyes crossed mine and -he didn't even recognize me. - -The Ideal came up to him and slipped on the stool beside him with some -word of greeting. She was human all right. Too human. She was dressed -in white. Most of them dress in white. There was some gold sprinkled on -her costume. It was very expensive, made of Scolarian cloth, flowing -around her body. Kelly bit his lip and pulled away from the touch of -her arm. It was a well-rounded arm, white and perfect in the soft -lights of the bar. The face was pleasant with a youthful glow. Her red -hair was soft enough to halo, strong enough to fall a bit this way -and that as she turned. She had a small nose, blue Irish eyes and a -smattering of freckles. - -She looked a little bit like Kelly. - -She went on talking. When she smiled her white teeth flashed and -sparkled. Nobody from earth quite had teeth like that. - -The bartender set a drink before Kelly, took the Ideal's order. She -made a few comments to Kelly and he dipped his face despairingly in -his arms. The rest of the people in the bar went unconcernedly about -their business. - -"God damn it! Leave me alone!" - -Kelly burst out just as the bartender served the girl's drink. Kelly -took his own drink and threw it in the pretty Irish face of the -redhead, whipped away from the stool and was gone. I caught a glimpse -of his face as he went past and it was frightening. It was the face -of a man who can never get drunk again, who can never really sleep -again. You took one look at him and knew he'd been in deep space on the -Stardust Overdrive, but it seemed queer to see the look on a familiar -face. - -My own insides felt cold. First Kelly made the moon. Then I did. Then I -made Mars. Then he did. Then he went on the Stardust Overdrive ... and -came back with his Ideal.... - - * * * * * - -Kelly's redhead wiped the drink from her face, flushing a little. A -bouncer came up and told her to leave. She gave him the look they -all have. Of patience, of humor, of some exasperation. Some of her -delectable red hair was soaked with the drink but she pushed it back -from her eyes and got up. She gave a wistful glance at her untouched -drink and started to go. She went past my table with a flash of smooth -legs. There was the faint odor of deep-space perfume. The crowd parted -in distaste from her, but a couple of near-spacemen made some grinning -cracks and whistled. - -I followed her out. - -She stood on the curbing, white and gracious, fumbling absently with -her coat as I came up. She was watching the parking lot. Her eyes -barely grazed me as I helped her with the coat. It was snowing but her -bare arms were warm. - -"Is Kelly going back?" - -She smiled her thanks for the help. "Maybe." - -"Would he go back if anything happened to you?" - -"I don't know." - -Kelly was coming now. His aircar swooped up to the curb and he opened -the door for her. She got in, sliding beside him with an amused but -determined look. - -I pulled out my gun and leaned forward. I put the muzzle against the -curving throat of the girl. - -"Jim," I said, "I'll do it for you if you want." - -There was a flash of fright in her face and she put her hand up to her -throat, but only to ease the pressure of the gun that dug into the -white flesh. - -Jim stared at the girl and me and the gun. - -"No, Al." - -"It's no crime," I said. "They'd never convict me for killing an Ideal. -Jim, this is your last chance to beat the Stardust Overdrive." - -"Thanks, Al," said Kelly. "Maybe I'll be sending for you someday to -help." - -"Out there," I said. - -"Out there," he said bitterly. "I'm leaving tomorrow." - -The girl's small hands moved up and with amazing strength pushed my gun -away from her throat. Her look was one of triumph, even and cool, not -gloating. Almost matter-of-fact. - -"Remind me to scare the hell out of you some time," she said. "We're -human too, you know." - -I looked down at the sitting sweep of the white-clad thighs and -grunted. "Maybe." - -Then I looked at Jim and saw it was check-out time. For a moment his -face had the old look of swagger. Just for a second he was the old Jim. - -"Keep 'em flying, boy," he said. - -"Same to you, Jim." - -"Maybe I'll see you out there some time, Al." - -"Maybe you will, Jim," I said. - -"Goodbye, Albert Hall," said the girl. The aircar zoomed away from me. - - * * * * * - -I put my gun away angrily. Then I caught an aircar back to the office. -On the way I did a lot of thinking. And what I thought made me even -angrier. I thought about Kelly--and all the other men like him who -signed on the Stardust Overdrive. They were good men, happy men--even -married, some of them. But when they came back from deep space they -were changed. For they always brought back an Ideal--a beautiful -woman on the surface, and seemingly one who was a reflection of their -every wish or desire--an Ideal. Human? As far as Earth science could -determine. But science and deep space were light years apart and -perhaps would always be that way for the men who went out there never -talked about it much when they came back. Why? _Why!_ - -What made them hate it--like Kelly? And what made them _have_ to -return? What turned a happy man into a miserable prisoner? _Why didn't -Kelly quit the Stardust Overdrive?_ - -When I got to the office I had made up my mind. This had been gnawing -at me for a long time and it had to be settled. I had to know.... - -I filled out my request for transfer from planetary runs to deep space. -Then I went to the tele and called my wife. - -"Honey, you won't like what I've just done," I told her. I could see -her face take on a sudden chilled look. As if she knew.... - -"What is it, Al?" There was tenseness in her voice and I couldn't blame -her a bit. - -"The Stardust Overdrive." I said it quickly and then felt like a heel. -But it was already too late. - -"Al--no--you couldn't--" - -"I signed the papers a few minutes ago. Honey, you've got to -understand--I have to ... I saw Kelly a little while ago. He's changed, -and I've got to know why. He was my best friend...." - -Her face grew hard then. "Kelly! What about me? Don't I count? I'm your -wife--remember? Or would you rather find someone to take my place--an -Ideal!" - -"You don't understand," I tried to tell her, but knew it was useless. -She had never been in space, not even to Luna. A spaceman gets the -challenge in his blood, he's got to see more, he's got to know what's -beyond the solar system. Out where the Ideals come from. Sooner or -later he's got to _know_. - -Her face sobered suddenly and there was a desperateness in her eyes. -"Al, did Kelly tell you?" - -I looked into the tele at her. "Tell me what?" - -Her lips were tight and white. "Kelly's wife committed suicide today. -She couldn't take it any longer. It was her or--the Ideal...." - -I felt the shock of her words and knew what she was trying to say. _It -could happen to us!_ - -I shook my head. "I'm sorry to hear that." And then I felt a bitter -anger. "She didn't give him a chance to find himself. Now he'll never -quit--" - -"Chance! What kind of a chance does any woman have against an Ideal? -You're blaming _her_?" - -This wasn't getting us anywhere and we both knew it. We stared at each -other in the tele for a long silent minute. Then she said, "This will -be the end for us, Al. Remember that before it's too late...." - -I saw again the haunted look on Kelly's face. The almost desperate -pleading there of something I could never understand unless-- - -"I'm going." I said before I could let her change my mind. - -"Then there's nothing more to say. Goodbye, Al." - -And she switched off the set on me. Her face was gone, and maybe our -life together too. Just like that. - - * * * * * - -There was a three-day orientation period before we took off. Ships -on the Stardust Overdrive were operated by two-man teams and I -was assigned to a man named Radwick, an older man, who had been on -the Drive before. He was as crazy as a carnival mirror. He was a -semanticist and he carried around a small bag full of wooden blocks. -He would set these on a table and shift them around into various -positions. "I am thinking on the non-verbal level," he told me. "I'm -expressing ideas in things." - -"Maybe we'd better go over the Company manual. I got a lot to learn in -only three days." - -He had white hair and a thin face and a patient smile. "Nonsense. You -can't learn that way. You learn by doing. When we get into space, I'll -teach you all you need to know about the Drive." - -I put in a complaint to the Company. "Listen," I told the supervisor. -"I don't like the idea of teaming up with a grown-up man who plays with -blocks. This boy has really lost his lid." - -The supervisor gave me the stern Company treatment. "Don't you know -that we can't get one man in a hundred for the Drive?" he said. "We -can't afford to pick and choose. You volunteered for Stardust and -you'll have to abide by our system of operation." - - * * * * * - -I was glad to get out of earth and into the planets. The people of -earth loved that far-off metal we brought back from the stars, called -duronium plus. You could make a hundred year suit with it or you could -carry an atomic pile around in your pocket in a wallet made of the -stuff. It was profitable trade for the Company, but nobody wanted to -have anything to do with the rest of the culture of the far-off stars. -Every human who had gone out there had either not come back, or had -come back with too few of his marbles. In order to get their duronium -plus they had to depend on the lunatic fringe of people like Radwick, -Kelly and me. People who would try anything once. People who liked to -scare themselves about a thing and then go out and do it. - -Radwick and I traveled on a conventional ship almost to Pluto. The -small, fast Overdrive ships never came very far into the solar system. -The local boys who put us on the small, red traveler serviced the ship -with a touch of awe. They were plenty scared, as if afraid they would -be stuck on board when we left. - -There was something odd about the construction of the ship, but I -couldn't put my finger on it. - -"The design has passed through the minds of the Stardust beings," said -Radwick, dumping his blocks on the table in the main cabin with a -rattling sound. "Earthmen provided the blueprints but these ships are -built out in Scolaris. They're partly organic." - -"What!" - -I put my hand against one red wall and felt a warm, lifelike glow. - -"Certainly, why not?" smiled Radwick, clomping a design with his -blocks. He made the carbon ring to symbolize life and an energy formula -to symbolize the machine. "It's only in people's minds that there is a -clean break between organic and non-organic. Machines have a youth, old -age and death; so do people. They are really interchangeable...." - -"I don't like the idea of traveling in the stomach of some -space-monster," I babbled. "He might get the idea to digest us." - -"Stomach-bummick," said Radwick. "This cabin could just as easily be an -ear or the inside of an eye. Only the ship isn't organic in that way. -It's just partly organic and partly not which may be expressed--" - -He fell silent, throwing the blocks around. Suddenly I heard a bell. It -consisted of four mellow tones struck at regular intervals. - -"What's that?" - -"Ideal sound," he said. "You'll have to get used to that too. It's -another concept that we don't have back on earth." - -"What's ideal about ringing a dinner bell?" - -Radwick shrugged. "It's just a discontinuity to us. The Stardust people -write off our fashions in clothing as a discontinuity in reasoning that -they don't understand. We must write off theirs." He smiled briefly. -"You'll come to write off a great many things, young man." - -I didn't tell him I thought the bells were far from ideal. They didn't -have any place to come from, and for the first time I felt a fear of -the unknown. Radwick sat there unperturbed trying to fashion some -concept, probably of the bells, with his blocks. The earthmen finished -servicing and came in to make arrangements for a rendezvous with us -some months from then. - -"First time out?" the Captain asked me. - -"Yessir," I said, trying to look fearless. - -He sighed. "Watch out for the Ideals," he said. "The first time's the -hardest." His crew stood behind him looking at me like they would look -at a condemned man about to take his place in the electric chair. - -"Well, all happiness," he said, giving a distasteful glance at the -absorbed Radwick. - -"All happiness," I managed and they left us alone in space with ringing -bells and the red space ship that had the disconcerting habit of -sighing once in a while or shifting its wall structure in a stretch -that was so human you felt like apologizing for being inside it. - - * * * * * - -We were out in four light year space. In the big Empty between our -solar system and the next. We had passed through two magnetic fields, -and already I wasn't the same, but Radwick had laughed. - -"Pleasure and pain," he said. "As common as an old shoe on a vacant -lot. Why get corked over a little thing like that?" - -It helped. It helped a lot to see him twisting and writhing on his -bunk, the same as I was, only with the big red encyclopedia on his -face as he pretended to read in indifference. We were in the painful -magnetic field for about eight hours and I cried and cursed and prayed -and laughed in horror and sweated a bucket. The reaction was worse. My -frayed nerves temporarily gave out and I tried to walk through the wall -of the space ship into the dining room of the Thousand Lights back in -New York. - -Shortly after that we hit the pleasure field. Those precious moments -lasted for the same time as the painful sensations, but after that -earth seemed like a cemetery of the dead. I mewed like a stroked kitten -and Radwick kept putting down his encyclopedia and laughing in goofy -happiness. It was silly; it was wonderful; it made me so glad to have a -human body that I wanted to cry. - -These magnetic fields were behind us now and I was staring at the -outside emptiness apprehensively. - -"Radwick, look--" I gasped. - -I had been watching a point of light in the distance. It broke on us -swiftly with dazzling power. The magnitudes of light were so powerful -that I had to turn the screen down to its darkest level. - -Out there was what looked like the true Choir of Heaven. Rank on -rank of singing, human faces, spiraling upward. Tensions of mighty -humanistic fire glowed from the banked, singing faces. The hymn was -obscure but it was faintly religious and very stirring. Now we were -winging down a long corridor in space banked on either side by a myriad -shining, dedicated human faces, pouring out glory with solemn deep-soul -singing. The celestial organ effect made the whole ship vibrate and -made Radwick's blocks jump on the table like animated poker chips. - -We were traveling towards a throne of golden light. In the midst of -the throne was a blinding brilliance that was our goal. Now the vision -closed in and the entire power of light and sound blasted into my -deepest marrow. Even when I closed my eyes I could see the faces; my -plugged ears yielded to the lifting sound. - -Radwick was holding out a can of pork and beans towards me. - -"Yesterday we had chili for supper," he shouted. "How's about beans -tonight--or shall I open a canned steak?" - -"Man," I yelled, pointing helplessly to the overpowering vision. "Man--" - -I have never been particularly religious because it doesn't help in -space. But for anybody that goes by the Book, this was Paradise in -white and gold technicolor. I was ready to subscribe my salary to the -cause and give up my life of sin in those seconds. - -At the moment we came to the celestial throne, Radwick was scrounging -in the kitchen drawer trying to find another can-opener to replace the -one I'd bent. - -We shot past the throne and into emptiness again. I mopped my brow and -peered back, exalted by the vision but glad that I was only seeing -things. - -Only the Choir was still there and the throne, receding in the -distance. We were on the back side of it now. - -"How about that?" I croaked weakly to Radwick. "How about that?" - -"Oh, it's real all right," said Radwick evenly. He took a hatchet to -the can of beans and burst it open. "You can join up with the hymnals -if you want. Step right outside the ship and fall into rank. Heaven by -any definition. The company's lost plenty of spacemen there. Chance to -become immortal, you know. I suspect that the Choir's time is infinity -and past; present and future would cease to exist for you. Your body -would wither away and you'd become an essence, still with a vague -sense of your old name and address but totally wrapped up in the glory -hallelujah and the singing. On the whole, not a bad place to spend the -rest of eternity." - -"Immortality," I breathed. "But--why--" - -"According to the law of discontinuity," said Radwick, "the basic -assumptions which make its existence impossible are wrong. In other -words, we don't believe it could happen because of the known physical -facts of the human body and the known facts of space. But if any step -of reasoning along the way is wrong, then it could exist. So one link -in our reasoning is wrong--and it exists." - -I didn't get that and he sat down with his half of the can of beans and -tried to explain it to me with his semantics blocks. - - * * * * * - -I remember arguing the point of meaning and insanity with Radwick while -we were passing through the layers of time. The ship would give a jerk -each time we cut into a new strip in the piled-up layers. First we -would be in our own time which Radwick called white time. Then we would -bump over into blue time and there was a pervading sense of oddness -while our eyes adjusted to a new system of angles which made everything -look like a parallelogram in shape. In blue time our drinking water was -a rubbery chunk of blue stuff and the solid walls of our ship shimmered -into opaque, running liquid that forever eddied and whirled and yet -never drained away. You could put your hand into it and feel the walls -splash and splatter like water. But our hands, and indeed, our whole -bodies shifted in gaseous uncertainty, both Radwick and I becoming -shapeless things of floating motion in a time where liquids were solid, -solids liquid, and organic matter gaseous. Together we expanded to -fill the cabin and I was fascinated by the shifts in form. - -I felt the logical hammer strokes of Radwick's thinking. "You've heard -ideal sound that pleases the auditory nerves. You've experienced the -perfect tyranny of pain and pleasure. You've witnessed the extreme -wonder of spiritual Heaven--now, my friend, feel freedom. A perfect, -ideal freedom of mind and body and being that men who grub after -freedom will never know." - -Then we broke back into white time and everything became normal. - -"No wonder they go mad out here," I breathed. - -"Mad?" said Radwick. "No, not over that. The more alien a sensation, -the less dangerous it is to sanity. With the unknown there is the fear -symptom, perhaps, but there is no identity with the alien. The things -that drive men crazy are the known, normal things which are just one -beat off. Things that ought to be normal but aren't." - -"Like the Ideals." - -Radwick nodded his silver head. "Like the Ideals." - -"How come you never met your Ideal, Radwick?" - -He sighed. He played with the blocks. "I did. She was destroyed." - -"You killed her?" - -"She was destroyed." - -In the red time there were suggestive mists that whispered. Radwick -watched me with amusement. I had never seen a mist-woman before, -and I forgot about the Ideals when I saw these graceful, half-solid -creatures that drifted past the ship. In the distance they were alien -forms but as they divined our own forms and wants they shifted into -reasonable facsimilies of earth-women and smiled and whispered as we -drew alongside. - -"Sirens," I breathed, feeling cold fear inside. - -Radwick concealed a smile as one of them materialized inside the ship. -She balanced on the cabin table and fell towards me, whispering sounds -that almost made words. The sensation was one of almost-solid and yet a -yielding that gave way to the touch. There was a wetness and a warmness -with just the suggestion of glossy, mist hair, dainty-brushing, -lip-kissing. She formed herself around my body and nibbled my ear and -teased me to open my pores and admit her. - -"I don't know how!" I gasped, almost overwhelmed by the -not-quite-solidity of her. - -"And never will," laughed Radwick. "You aren't sex-oriented or you -would be at the end of your run on the Overdrive right this moment, -spirited away into the ideal of orgiastic perfection. The Company loses -a lot of men to these mists and they go drifting in love forever, but -she can't hurt you." - -Then the delicious mist got mad and slapped my face and floated -daintily off. Then came the jarring sensation and we were back in the -daylight of our own time and heading again towards the next layer of -blue time. Only by then I could marvel no more. - - * * * * * - -I saw Kelly on Scolaris while they were loading the ship with duronium. -In exchange the Scolarians got various earth chemicals which were used -for alien purposes beyond our knowing. Scolaris was a planet of a great -star; it was also a city. It was a fine city but by no means different -from New York. In fact it could've been New York done on an idealistic -scale. The people of Scolaris, the Star-beings, were engaged in some -terrific struggle which I couldn't quite understand. - -"Back on earth," said Kelly as we sat in his sidewalk apartment, "there -were a lot of things that went on I didn't like. If you loved someone, -there was hate mixed with it. If you liked some idea--freedom, equal -rights, the dignity of man, there was always some person or some -institution around that spoiled it. You were always striving for some -perfection and yet you knew you could never reach it. But listen, Al, -they got it here--perfection." He leaned back with a sigh. - -His red-headed Ideal of the Thousand Lights in New York was there. Her -name was Valda and she smiled at me and asked if I had shot any more -Ideals lately. I grinned a negative and accepted the drink of Scolaris -that she mixed. It was perfect. - -"The Scolarians are at war with a group from another galaxy, the -Philosters," said Kelly. "These star-beings are people like us engaged -in a great struggle with the Philosterian forces. But there isn't any -stupidity on our side. The Scolarians are all fine people, generous, -loving, determined. They respect one another; they never let you down. -The women of Scolaris that we call Ideals, once they fall for a man, -Scolarian or earth-like, are forever faithful and one hundred per cent -in love with you. To me the whole race is perfect good fighting the -perfect evil of the Philosterians. I want to join that fight, Al. Only -here on the Stardust Overdrive do the true whites and blacks of good -and evil exist." - -"But you hated Valda back on earth," I pointed out. "Back in the -Thousand Lights that night." - -"Yes. I hated her because she could be perfect and I knew I couldn't -be--I hated my own imperfection. I'm learning. I'm going to stay here -and learn to be a Scolarian. In other words, reach perfection of an -integrated, happy body and mind, engaged in a worthwhile struggle, -dedicated to the forces of good forever." - -I leaned back seeing how much we were brothers, feeling how good it -was to be on Scolaris. There was a knock on the door and a dark-haired -woman came in. - -"This is Sandy," said Valda, smiling at me. - -I felt better than ever because I had met my Ideal. - - * * * * * - -"There's one human agony worse than all," said Radwick. We were in the -Thousand Lights dining-bar back in New York. "It is to conceive an -ideal and then continually fall short of it. That's why the company -loses men out in space. On Scolaris a human can be his ideal. It ruins -him for earth. His body may be in New York, but his being is out on -the Stardust Overdrive, fighting the good fight, living for ideals, -experiencing total commitment." - -I didn't pay much attention. I already knew what he meant. All of my -life I had yearned for things greater than life. An ideal job, an ideal -wife, an ideal struggle to fight and win. It wasn't on earth. It was -out on the Drive. Kelly, Radwick and I were fools on earth, cut off -from the sensible ones, hating the imperfections. The people for their -part rightly hated those ideal men and women of Scolaris. - -I watched Sandy coming across the room. The earth people drew back in -hate. On earth I felt some of that hate, but I couldn't escape her. She -had a body that was delectable--because I had created the thought of -it for her to wear. Her face was the face of my dreams because I had -dreamed it so. She looked a little like me as an ideal always must. -But the red lips, the cream skin, the silken hips and trim ankles, -the glorious spun gloss of her dark hair and penetrating beauty of -gray-green eyes--these were less than the total appeal. - -She wanted me no matter whether or not I wanted her. The ideal -love--realizing that she couldn't possibly escape me, no matter how -harshly I mistreated her. No matter what I did, she only smiled and -came back for more. She followed me like a dog, worried about me, crept -into my bed at night to warm my body, left me alone when I wanted to -be alone. - -She stood at the table. She was my ideal. But you have to test and -retest an ideal. That's why, half in anger half in fear, I stood up and -struck her across the face, watching the imprint of my hand in red on -the smooth, young cheek. She had the look they all have of patience, of -humor, of some exasperation. - -"Temper, temper," she said, sitting down with a grin. A near-spaceman -at the bar gave her the ogle and the wink and she frosted him with a -look. No need to worry about losing her. - -But Radwick was smiling a curious smile. He was piling up tiny white -sugar cubes on the table. "Ah," he said, "Nothing is greater." Then he -leaned over to me and said, "Observe the girl with her back to us over -there. The Ideal. The one with the brown hair." - -Sandy frowned. "Why would he be interested in another Ideal? Naturally -they all come here, as it is one of the few places they are made -welcome in your cold, non-idealistic city." - -I looked at the Ideal. There was some hint of familiarity in the lines -of her profile and the way she smiled at the far-spaceman who was with -her. - -"She could be Valda," I said. "But they all look much alike." - -"She is Valda," said Radwick. - -"No," said Sandy, flushing. - -"You ask Sandy, Al. She's your ideal and cannot lie to you." - -"What about it, Sandy?" - -Sandy dropped her wonderful eyes. "Yes," she said. "Valda is somebody -else's ideal now, looking a little different." - -"But what about Kelly?" I cried. "I thought an Ideal never changed--" - -"Kelly was fighting a war out on Scolaris," said Radwick. - -"Kelly--dead?" - -"You forgot the war," said Radwick. "The fight against the -Philosterians that Kelly pledged himself to. Apparently he fought and -died for the eternal good." - -"But why should she live and go on?" I said in shock. I gripped Sandy's -arm until she winced. - -"An ideal can't die," said Sandy. "When we are killed it is only the -person who worshipped us." - -Kelly--dead out on the Stardust Overdrive--among the red and blue times -and the ringing ideal bells! It was a little too far off and rich, even -for me. - -"I was thinking of going back to Scolaris myself," I said bitterly. -"And maybe fighting." - -"You would fight," said Radwick. "You would die. An ideal must always -kill an imperfect man who cannot reach it. Sometimes it is Kelly or the -millions of Kellys physically dead in war. Sometimes it is only a part -of a man that an ideal kills." - -Sandy jumped up so fast that she knocked over a water glass. - -"Please, Al, please--" - -But it was too late. I saw her glorious hair fade into a dull, ordinary -mass. Her arms thickened, her breasts got smaller. Her body shifted -under the dress with realistic imperfections. Her skin coarsened. She -was still attractive now, but no more so than a thousand other women in -New York. - - * * * * * - -I stood up but she had already made the motion to withdraw. "I will -manage," she said. "We will say goodbye now. Your perspective has -changed and I can no longer stand you." - -I said nothing, being too full of new thoughts and feelings. She walked -away towards the bar. As she approached she caught the attention of a -near spaceman and seemed to improve at once. Seemed to regain some of -her lost beauty. - -"You see how unsatisfactory the Ideals are," said Radwick. - -"And yours--" - -Radwick gestured at the sugar cubes that were damp now with the water -Sandy had spilled. - -"A far-spaceman did the same for me, Al," he said. On the table was a -circle of sugar cubes which symbolized the ideal, like an "o". Radwick -put his hand in the middle of it and turned his hand, pushing the cubes -in distortion so they became a zero, or "0". He grinned up at me. - -"Nothing is greater," he said, "and we must check in tomorrow for the -Overdrive. It's time to go out again." - -"I won't be going," I said. "I don't want any more of the Stardust -Overdrive." - -"Too bad. There is much to learn out there." - -I laughed at him playing with his cubes. "Yeah, there's a lot to -learn--but we've got it right here too, and a better word for it. -Dreams." - -He looked up at me quizzically. "Dreams?" - -"That's right. You know--'the grass is always greener' stuff. When you -get tired of facing reality you can sign on the Stardust Overdrive. -Treat yourself to a thrill--the biggest in the cosmos. I've found the -answer I was looking for, Radwick, the thing you haven't been able to -find with all your mathematical cube symbols. Men stay on the Stardust -Overdrive and _with_ an Ideal only because they choose a fantasy life -to reality. They _think_ they have it better out there on Scolaris. -Better? They fight and die just as they would on Earth. The rub comes -in when you realize you're only being a sucker for another race--doing -what the Scolarians want you to do so they don't have to do it all by -themselves. You can have your ideals and deep space thrills. It's a -cheap price for your life--just as it was for Kelly." - -He kept staring at me and I saw it wasn't sinking in. So I gave him a -mock salute. "Think it over, Radwick." - -I turned away and he called after me. - -"Where are you going?" - -I looked back at him and grinned. "I'm going to call up my Ideal--the -only one that's real." - -I let him chew on that and went to the nearest tele to tell my wife I -was home.... - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TICKET TO THE STARS *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. 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Banks</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Ticket to the Stars</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Raymond E. Banks</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: September 8, 2021 [eBook #66245]</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</div> - -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TICKET TO THE STARS ***</div> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<p>Earth wasn't good enough once a man had a<br /> -taste of deep space—and met his Ideal. Al Hall<br /> -wanted to know why, so he volunteered for his—</p> - -<h1>TICKET to the STARS</h1> - -<h2>By Raymond E. Banks</h2> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br /> -February 1954<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>I was sitting in the dining-bar of the Thousand Lights, in New York, -watching Kelly as the woman walked into the bar. There was a ripple, -an undercurrent of sensation. Not because of the way she looked, not -because of her dress, but because she was an Ideal. People hate Ideals. -The better-looking they are the more they are hated, and this one was -right on top.</p> - -<p>I sat at a table about twelve feet from Kelly. He sat at the bar and -I could see his face in the mirror. His face scowled in an expression -of hate. I saw him pick up his cigarettes and make a ball of the empty -package with his fist. He tried to look away; his eyes crossed mine and -he didn't even recognize me.</p> - -<p>The Ideal came up to him and slipped on the stool beside him with some -word of greeting. She was human all right. Too human. She was dressed -in white. Most of them dress in white. There was some gold sprinkled on -her costume. It was very expensive, made of Scolarian cloth, flowing -around her body. Kelly bit his lip and pulled away from the touch of -her arm. It was a well-rounded arm, white and perfect in the soft -lights of the bar. The face was pleasant with a youthful glow. Her red -hair was soft enough to halo, strong enough to fall a bit this way -and that as she turned. She had a small nose, blue Irish eyes and a -smattering of freckles.</p> - -<p>She looked a little bit like Kelly.</p> - -<p>She went on talking. When she smiled her white teeth flashed and -sparkled. Nobody from earth quite had teeth like that.</p> - -<p>The bartender set a drink before Kelly, took the Ideal's order. She -made a few comments to Kelly and he dipped his face despairingly in -his arms. The rest of the people in the bar went unconcernedly about -their business.</p> - -<p>"God damn it! Leave me alone!"</p> - -<p>Kelly burst out just as the bartender served the girl's drink. Kelly -took his own drink and threw it in the pretty Irish face of the -redhead, whipped away from the stool and was gone. I caught a glimpse -of his face as he went past and it was frightening. It was the face -of a man who can never get drunk again, who can never really sleep -again. You took one look at him and knew he'd been in deep space on the -Stardust Overdrive, but it seemed queer to see the look on a familiar -face.</p> - -<p>My own insides felt cold. First Kelly made the moon. Then I did. Then I -made Mars. Then he did. Then he went on the Stardust Overdrive ... and -came back with his Ideal....</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Kelly's redhead wiped the drink from her face, flushing a little. A -bouncer came up and told her to leave. She gave him the look they -all have. Of patience, of humor, of some exasperation. Some of her -delectable red hair was soaked with the drink but she pushed it back -from her eyes and got up. She gave a wistful glance at her untouched -drink and started to go. She went past my table with a flash of smooth -legs. There was the faint odor of deep-space perfume. The crowd parted -in distaste from her, but a couple of near-spacemen made some grinning -cracks and whistled.</p> - -<p>I followed her out.</p> - -<p>She stood on the curbing, white and gracious, fumbling absently with -her coat as I came up. She was watching the parking lot. Her eyes -barely grazed me as I helped her with the coat. It was snowing but her -bare arms were warm.</p> - -<p>"Is Kelly going back?"</p> - -<p>She smiled her thanks for the help. "Maybe."</p> - -<p>"Would he go back if anything happened to you?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know."</p> - -<p>Kelly was coming now. His aircar swooped up to the curb and he opened -the door for her. She got in, sliding beside him with an amused but -determined look.</p> - -<p>I pulled out my gun and leaned forward. I put the muzzle against the -curving throat of the girl.</p> - -<p>"Jim," I said, "I'll do it for you if you want."</p> - -<p>There was a flash of fright in her face and she put her hand up to her -throat, but only to ease the pressure of the gun that dug into the -white flesh.</p> - -<p>Jim stared at the girl and me and the gun.</p> - -<p>"No, Al."</p> - -<p>"It's no crime," I said. "They'd never convict me for killing an Ideal. -Jim, this is your last chance to beat the Stardust Overdrive."</p> - -<p>"Thanks, Al," said Kelly. "Maybe I'll be sending for you someday to -help."</p> - -<p>"Out there," I said.</p> - -<p>"Out there," he said bitterly. "I'm leaving tomorrow."</p> - -<p>The girl's small hands moved up and with amazing strength pushed my gun -away from her throat. Her look was one of triumph, even and cool, not -gloating. Almost matter-of-fact.</p> - -<p>"Remind me to scare the hell out of you some time," she said. "We're -human too, you know."</p> - -<p>I looked down at the sitting sweep of the white-clad thighs and -grunted. "Maybe."</p> - -<p>Then I looked at Jim and saw it was check-out time. For a moment his -face had the old look of swagger. Just for a second he was the old Jim.</p> - -<p>"Keep 'em flying, boy," he said.</p> - -<p>"Same to you, Jim."</p> - -<p>"Maybe I'll see you out there some time, Al."</p> - -<p>"Maybe you will, Jim," I said.</p> - -<p>"Goodbye, Albert Hall," said the girl. The aircar zoomed away from me.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I put my gun away angrily. Then I caught an aircar back to the office. -On the way I did a lot of thinking. And what I thought made me even -angrier. I thought about Kelly—and all the other men like him who -signed on the Stardust Overdrive. They were good men, happy men—even -married, some of them. But when they came back from deep space they -were changed. For they always brought back an Ideal—a beautiful -woman on the surface, and seemingly one who was a reflection of their -every wish or desire—an Ideal. Human? As far as Earth science could -determine. But science and deep space were light years apart and -perhaps would always be that way for the men who went out there never -talked about it much when they came back. Why? <i>Why!</i></p> - -<p>What made them hate it—like Kelly? And what made them <i>have</i> to -return? What turned a happy man into a miserable prisoner? <i>Why didn't -Kelly quit the Stardust Overdrive?</i></p> - -<p>When I got to the office I had made up my mind. This had been gnawing -at me for a long time and it had to be settled. I had to know....</p> - -<p>I filled out my request for transfer from planetary runs to deep space. -Then I went to the tele and called my wife.</p> - -<p>"Honey, you won't like what I've just done," I told her. I could see -her face take on a sudden chilled look. As if she knew....</p> - -<p>"What is it, Al?" There was tenseness in her voice and I couldn't blame -her a bit.</p> - -<p>"The Stardust Overdrive." I said it quickly and then felt like a heel. -But it was already too late.</p> - -<p>"Al—no—you couldn't—"</p> - -<p>"I signed the papers a few minutes ago. Honey, you've got to -understand—I have to ... I saw Kelly a little while ago. He's changed, -and I've got to know why. He was my best friend...."</p> - -<p>Her face grew hard then. "Kelly! What about me? Don't I count? I'm your -wife—remember? Or would you rather find someone to take my place—an -Ideal!"</p> - -<p>"You don't understand," I tried to tell her, but knew it was useless. -She had never been in space, not even to Luna. A spaceman gets the -challenge in his blood, he's got to see more, he's got to know what's -beyond the solar system. Out where the Ideals come from. Sooner or -later he's got to <i>know</i>.</p> - -<p>Her face sobered suddenly and there was a desperateness in her eyes. -"Al, did Kelly tell you?"</p> - -<p>I looked into the tele at her. "Tell me what?"</p> - -<p>Her lips were tight and white. "Kelly's wife committed suicide today. -She couldn't take it any longer. It was her or—the Ideal...."</p> - -<p>I felt the shock of her words and knew what she was trying to say. <i>It -could happen to us!</i></p> - -<p>I shook my head. "I'm sorry to hear that." And then I felt a bitter -anger. "She didn't give him a chance to find himself. Now he'll never -quit—"</p> - -<p>"Chance! What kind of a chance does any woman have against an Ideal? -You're blaming <i>her</i>?"</p> - -<p>This wasn't getting us anywhere and we both knew it. We stared at each -other in the tele for a long silent minute. Then she said, "This will -be the end for us, Al. Remember that before it's too late...."</p> - -<p>I saw again the haunted look on Kelly's face. The almost desperate -pleading there of something I could never understand unless—</p> - -<p>"I'm going." I said before I could let her change my mind.</p> - -<p>"Then there's nothing more to say. Goodbye, Al."</p> - -<p>And she switched off the set on me. Her face was gone, and maybe our -life together too. Just like that.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There was a three-day orientation period before we took off. Ships -on the Stardust Overdrive were operated by two-man teams and I -was assigned to a man named Radwick, an older man, who had been on -the Drive before. He was as crazy as a carnival mirror. He was a -semanticist and he carried around a small bag full of wooden blocks. -He would set these on a table and shift them around into various -positions. "I am thinking on the non-verbal level," he told me. "I'm -expressing ideas in things."</p> - -<p>"Maybe we'd better go over the Company manual. I got a lot to learn in -only three days."</p> - -<p>He had white hair and a thin face and a patient smile. "Nonsense. You -can't learn that way. You learn by doing. When we get into space, I'll -teach you all you need to know about the Drive."</p> - -<p>I put in a complaint to the Company. "Listen," I told the supervisor. -"I don't like the idea of teaming up with a grown-up man who plays with -blocks. This boy has really lost his lid."</p> - -<p>The supervisor gave me the stern Company treatment. "Don't you know -that we can't get one man in a hundred for the Drive?" he said. "We -can't afford to pick and choose. You volunteered for Stardust and -you'll have to abide by our system of operation."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I was glad to get out of earth and into the planets. The people of -earth loved that far-off metal we brought back from the stars, called -duronium plus. You could make a hundred year suit with it or you could -carry an atomic pile around in your pocket in a wallet made of the -stuff. It was profitable trade for the Company, but nobody wanted to -have anything to do with the rest of the culture of the far-off stars. -Every human who had gone out there had either not come back, or had -come back with too few of his marbles. In order to get their duronium -plus they had to depend on the lunatic fringe of people like Radwick, -Kelly and me. People who would try anything once. People who liked to -scare themselves about a thing and then go out and do it.</p> - -<p>Radwick and I traveled on a conventional ship almost to Pluto. The -small, fast Overdrive ships never came very far into the solar system. -The local boys who put us on the small, red traveler serviced the ship -with a touch of awe. They were plenty scared, as if afraid they would -be stuck on board when we left.</p> - -<p>There was something odd about the construction of the ship, but I -couldn't put my finger on it.</p> - -<p>"The design has passed through the minds of the Stardust beings," said -Radwick, dumping his blocks on the table in the main cabin with a -rattling sound. "Earthmen provided the blueprints but these ships are -built out in Scolaris. They're partly organic."</p> - -<p>"What!"</p> - -<p>I put my hand against one red wall and felt a warm, lifelike glow.</p> - -<p>"Certainly, why not?" smiled Radwick, clomping a design with his -blocks. He made the carbon ring to symbolize life and an energy formula -to symbolize the machine. "It's only in people's minds that there is a -clean break between organic and non-organic. Machines have a youth, old -age and death; so do people. They are really interchangeable...."</p> - -<p>"I don't like the idea of traveling in the stomach of some -space-monster," I babbled. "He might get the idea to digest us."</p> - -<p>"Stomach-bummick," said Radwick. "This cabin could just as easily be an -ear or the inside of an eye. Only the ship isn't organic in that way. -It's just partly organic and partly not which may be expressed—"</p> - -<p>He fell silent, throwing the blocks around. Suddenly I heard a bell. It -consisted of four mellow tones struck at regular intervals.</p> - -<p>"What's that?"</p> - -<p>"Ideal sound," he said. "You'll have to get used to that too. It's -another concept that we don't have back on earth."</p> - -<p>"What's ideal about ringing a dinner bell?"</p> - -<p>Radwick shrugged. "It's just a discontinuity to us. The Stardust people -write off our fashions in clothing as a discontinuity in reasoning that -they don't understand. We must write off theirs." He smiled briefly. -"You'll come to write off a great many things, young man."</p> - -<p>I didn't tell him I thought the bells were far from ideal. They didn't -have any place to come from, and for the first time I felt a fear of -the unknown. Radwick sat there unperturbed trying to fashion some -concept, probably of the bells, with his blocks. The earthmen finished -servicing and came in to make arrangements for a rendezvous with us -some months from then.</p> - -<p>"First time out?" the Captain asked me.</p> - -<p>"Yessir," I said, trying to look fearless.</p> - -<p>He sighed. "Watch out for the Ideals," he said. "The first time's the -hardest." His crew stood behind him looking at me like they would look -at a condemned man about to take his place in the electric chair.</p> - -<p>"Well, all happiness," he said, giving a distasteful glance at the -absorbed Radwick.</p> - -<p>"All happiness," I managed and they left us alone in space with ringing -bells and the red space ship that had the disconcerting habit of -sighing once in a while or shifting its wall structure in a stretch -that was so human you felt like apologizing for being inside it.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We were out in four light year space. In the big Empty between our -solar system and the next. We had passed through two magnetic fields, -and already I wasn't the same, but Radwick had laughed.</p> - -<p>"Pleasure and pain," he said. "As common as an old shoe on a vacant -lot. Why get corked over a little thing like that?"</p> - -<p>It helped. It helped a lot to see him twisting and writhing on his -bunk, the same as I was, only with the big red encyclopedia on his -face as he pretended to read in indifference. We were in the painful -magnetic field for about eight hours and I cried and cursed and prayed -and laughed in horror and sweated a bucket. The reaction was worse. My -frayed nerves temporarily gave out and I tried to walk through the wall -of the space ship into the dining room of the Thousand Lights back in -New York.</p> - -<p>Shortly after that we hit the pleasure field. Those precious moments -lasted for the same time as the painful sensations, but after that -earth seemed like a cemetery of the dead. I mewed like a stroked kitten -and Radwick kept putting down his encyclopedia and laughing in goofy -happiness. It was silly; it was wonderful; it made me so glad to have a -human body that I wanted to cry.</p> - -<p>These magnetic fields were behind us now and I was staring at the -outside emptiness apprehensively.</p> - -<p>"Radwick, look—" I gasped.</p> - -<p>I had been watching a point of light in the distance. It broke on us -swiftly with dazzling power. The magnitudes of light were so powerful -that I had to turn the screen down to its darkest level.</p> - -<p>Out there was what looked like the true Choir of Heaven. Rank on -rank of singing, human faces, spiraling upward. Tensions of mighty -humanistic fire glowed from the banked, singing faces. The hymn was -obscure but it was faintly religious and very stirring. Now we were -winging down a long corridor in space banked on either side by a myriad -shining, dedicated human faces, pouring out glory with solemn deep-soul -singing. The celestial organ effect made the whole ship vibrate and -made Radwick's blocks jump on the table like animated poker chips.</p> - -<p>We were traveling towards a throne of golden light. In the midst of -the throne was a blinding brilliance that was our goal. Now the vision -closed in and the entire power of light and sound blasted into my -deepest marrow. Even when I closed my eyes I could see the faces; my -plugged ears yielded to the lifting sound.</p> - -<p>Radwick was holding out a can of pork and beans towards me.</p> - -<p>"Yesterday we had chili for supper," he shouted. "How's about beans -tonight—or shall I open a canned steak?"</p> - -<p>"Man," I yelled, pointing helplessly to the overpowering vision. "Man—"</p> - -<p>I have never been particularly religious because it doesn't help in -space. But for anybody that goes by the Book, this was Paradise in -white and gold technicolor. I was ready to subscribe my salary to the -cause and give up my life of sin in those seconds.</p> - -<p>At the moment we came to the celestial throne, Radwick was scrounging -in the kitchen drawer trying to find another can-opener to replace the -one I'd bent.</p> - -<p>We shot past the throne and into emptiness again. I mopped my brow and -peered back, exalted by the vision but glad that I was only seeing -things.</p> - -<p>Only the Choir was still there and the throne, receding in the -distance. We were on the back side of it now.</p> - -<p>"How about that?" I croaked weakly to Radwick. "How about that?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, it's real all right," said Radwick evenly. He took a hatchet to -the can of beans and burst it open. "You can join up with the hymnals -if you want. Step right outside the ship and fall into rank. Heaven by -any definition. The company's lost plenty of spacemen there. Chance to -become immortal, you know. I suspect that the Choir's time is infinity -and past; present and future would cease to exist for you. Your body -would wither away and you'd become an essence, still with a vague -sense of your old name and address but totally wrapped up in the glory -hallelujah and the singing. On the whole, not a bad place to spend the -rest of eternity."</p> - -<p>"Immortality," I breathed. "But—why—"</p> - -<p>"According to the law of discontinuity," said Radwick, "the basic -assumptions which make its existence impossible are wrong. In other -words, we don't believe it could happen because of the known physical -facts of the human body and the known facts of space. But if any step -of reasoning along the way is wrong, then it could exist. So one link -in our reasoning is wrong—and it exists."</p> - -<p>I didn't get that and he sat down with his half of the can of beans and -tried to explain it to me with his semantics blocks.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I remember arguing the point of meaning and insanity with Radwick while -we were passing through the layers of time. The ship would give a jerk -each time we cut into a new strip in the piled-up layers. First we -would be in our own time which Radwick called white time. Then we would -bump over into blue time and there was a pervading sense of oddness -while our eyes adjusted to a new system of angles which made everything -look like a parallelogram in shape. In blue time our drinking water was -a rubbery chunk of blue stuff and the solid walls of our ship shimmered -into opaque, running liquid that forever eddied and whirled and yet -never drained away. You could put your hand into it and feel the walls -splash and splatter like water. But our hands, and indeed, our whole -bodies shifted in gaseous uncertainty, both Radwick and I becoming -shapeless things of floating motion in a time where liquids were solid, -solids liquid, and organic matter gaseous. Together we expanded to -fill the cabin and I was fascinated by the shifts in form.</p> - -<p>I felt the logical hammer strokes of Radwick's thinking. "You've heard -ideal sound that pleases the auditory nerves. You've experienced the -perfect tyranny of pain and pleasure. You've witnessed the extreme -wonder of spiritual Heaven—now, my friend, feel freedom. A perfect, -ideal freedom of mind and body and being that men who grub after -freedom will never know."</p> - -<p>Then we broke back into white time and everything became normal.</p> - -<p>"No wonder they go mad out here," I breathed.</p> - -<p>"Mad?" said Radwick. "No, not over that. The more alien a sensation, -the less dangerous it is to sanity. With the unknown there is the fear -symptom, perhaps, but there is no identity with the alien. The things -that drive men crazy are the known, normal things which are just one -beat off. Things that ought to be normal but aren't."</p> - -<p>"Like the Ideals."</p> - -<p>Radwick nodded his silver head. "Like the Ideals."</p> - -<p>"How come you never met your Ideal, Radwick?"</p> - -<p>He sighed. He played with the blocks. "I did. She was destroyed."</p> - -<p>"You killed her?"</p> - -<p>"She was destroyed."</p> - -<p>In the red time there were suggestive mists that whispered. Radwick -watched me with amusement. I had never seen a mist-woman before, -and I forgot about the Ideals when I saw these graceful, half-solid -creatures that drifted past the ship. In the distance they were alien -forms but as they divined our own forms and wants they shifted into -reasonable facsimilies of earth-women and smiled and whispered as we -drew alongside.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"Sirens," I breathed, feeling cold fear inside.</p> - -<p>Radwick concealed a smile as one of them materialized inside the ship. -She balanced on the cabin table and fell towards me, whispering sounds -that almost made words. The sensation was one of almost-solid and yet a -yielding that gave way to the touch. There was a wetness and a warmness -with just the suggestion of glossy, mist hair, dainty-brushing, -lip-kissing. She formed herself around my body and nibbled my ear and -teased me to open my pores and admit her.</p> - -<p>"I don't know how!" I gasped, almost overwhelmed by the -not-quite-solidity of her.</p> - -<p>"And never will," laughed Radwick. "You aren't sex-oriented or you -would be at the end of your run on the Overdrive right this moment, -spirited away into the ideal of orgiastic perfection. The Company loses -a lot of men to these mists and they go drifting in love forever, but -she can't hurt you."</p> - -<p>Then the delicious mist got mad and slapped my face and floated -daintily off. Then came the jarring sensation and we were back in the -daylight of our own time and heading again towards the next layer of -blue time. Only by then I could marvel no more.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I saw Kelly on Scolaris while they were loading the ship with duronium. -In exchange the Scolarians got various earth chemicals which were used -for alien purposes beyond our knowing. Scolaris was a planet of a great -star; it was also a city. It was a fine city but by no means different -from New York. In fact it could've been New York done on an idealistic -scale. The people of Scolaris, the Star-beings, were engaged in some -terrific struggle which I couldn't quite understand.</p> - -<p>"Back on earth," said Kelly as we sat in his sidewalk apartment, "there -were a lot of things that went on I didn't like. If you loved someone, -there was hate mixed with it. If you liked some idea—freedom, equal -rights, the dignity of man, there was always some person or some -institution around that spoiled it. You were always striving for some -perfection and yet you knew you could never reach it. But listen, Al, -they got it here—perfection." He leaned back with a sigh.</p> - -<p>His red-headed Ideal of the Thousand Lights in New York was there. Her -name was Valda and she smiled at me and asked if I had shot any more -Ideals lately. I grinned a negative and accepted the drink of Scolaris -that she mixed. It was perfect.</p> - -<p>"The Scolarians are at war with a group from another galaxy, the -Philosters," said Kelly. "These star-beings are people like us engaged -in a great struggle with the Philosterian forces. But there isn't any -stupidity on our side. The Scolarians are all fine people, generous, -loving, determined. They respect one another; they never let you down. -The women of Scolaris that we call Ideals, once they fall for a man, -Scolarian or earth-like, are forever faithful and one hundred per cent -in love with you. To me the whole race is perfect good fighting the -perfect evil of the Philosterians. I want to join that fight, Al. Only -here on the Stardust Overdrive do the true whites and blacks of good -and evil exist."</p> - -<p>"But you hated Valda back on earth," I pointed out. "Back in the -Thousand Lights that night."</p> - -<p>"Yes. I hated her because she could be perfect and I knew I couldn't -be—I hated my own imperfection. I'm learning. I'm going to stay here -and learn to be a Scolarian. In other words, reach perfection of an -integrated, happy body and mind, engaged in a worthwhile struggle, -dedicated to the forces of good forever."</p> - -<p>I leaned back seeing how much we were brothers, feeling how good it -was to be on Scolaris. There was a knock on the door and a dark-haired -woman came in.</p> - -<p>"This is Sandy," said Valda, smiling at me.</p> - -<p>I felt better than ever because I had met my Ideal.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"There's one human agony worse than all," said Radwick. We were in the -Thousand Lights dining-bar back in New York. "It is to conceive an -ideal and then continually fall short of it. That's why the company -loses men out in space. On Scolaris a human can be his ideal. It ruins -him for earth. His body may be in New York, but his being is out on -the Stardust Overdrive, fighting the good fight, living for ideals, -experiencing total commitment."</p> - -<p>I didn't pay much attention. I already knew what he meant. All of my -life I had yearned for things greater than life. An ideal job, an ideal -wife, an ideal struggle to fight and win. It wasn't on earth. It was -out on the Drive. Kelly, Radwick and I were fools on earth, cut off -from the sensible ones, hating the imperfections. The people for their -part rightly hated those ideal men and women of Scolaris.</p> - -<p>I watched Sandy coming across the room. The earth people drew back in -hate. On earth I felt some of that hate, but I couldn't escape her. She -had a body that was delectable—because I had created the thought of -it for her to wear. Her face was the face of my dreams because I had -dreamed it so. She looked a little like me as an ideal always must. -But the red lips, the cream skin, the silken hips and trim ankles, -the glorious spun gloss of her dark hair and penetrating beauty of -gray-green eyes—these were less than the total appeal.</p> - -<p>She wanted me no matter whether or not I wanted her. The ideal -love—realizing that she couldn't possibly escape me, no matter how -harshly I mistreated her. No matter what I did, she only smiled and -came back for more. She followed me like a dog, worried about me, crept -into my bed at night to warm my body, left me alone when I wanted to -be alone.</p> - -<p>She stood at the table. She was my ideal. But you have to test and -retest an ideal. That's why, half in anger half in fear, I stood up and -struck her across the face, watching the imprint of my hand in red on -the smooth, young cheek. She had the look they all have of patience, of -humor, of some exasperation.</p> - -<p>"Temper, temper," she said, sitting down with a grin. A near-spaceman -at the bar gave her the ogle and the wink and she frosted him with a -look. No need to worry about losing her.</p> - -<p>But Radwick was smiling a curious smile. He was piling up tiny white -sugar cubes on the table. "Ah," he said, "Nothing is greater." Then he -leaned over to me and said, "Observe the girl with her back to us over -there. The Ideal. The one with the brown hair."</p> - -<p>Sandy frowned. "Why would he be interested in another Ideal? Naturally -they all come here, as it is one of the few places they are made -welcome in your cold, non-idealistic city."</p> - -<p>I looked at the Ideal. There was some hint of familiarity in the lines -of her profile and the way she smiled at the far-spaceman who was with -her.</p> - -<p>"She could be Valda," I said. "But they all look much alike."</p> - -<p>"She is Valda," said Radwick.</p> - -<p>"No," said Sandy, flushing.</p> - -<p>"You ask Sandy, Al. She's your ideal and cannot lie to you."</p> - -<p>"What about it, Sandy?"</p> - -<p>Sandy dropped her wonderful eyes. "Yes," she said. "Valda is somebody -else's ideal now, looking a little different."</p> - -<p>"But what about Kelly?" I cried. "I thought an Ideal never changed—"</p> - -<p>"Kelly was fighting a war out on Scolaris," said Radwick.</p> - -<p>"Kelly—dead?"</p> - -<p>"You forgot the war," said Radwick. "The fight against the -Philosterians that Kelly pledged himself to. Apparently he fought and -died for the eternal good."</p> - -<p>"But why should she live and go on?" I said in shock. I gripped Sandy's -arm until she winced.</p> - -<p>"An ideal can't die," said Sandy. "When we are killed it is only the -person who worshipped us."</p> - -<p>Kelly—dead out on the Stardust Overdrive—among the red and blue times -and the ringing ideal bells! It was a little too far off and rich, even -for me.</p> - -<p>"I was thinking of going back to Scolaris myself," I said bitterly. -"And maybe fighting."</p> - -<p>"You would fight," said Radwick. "You would die. An ideal must always -kill an imperfect man who cannot reach it. Sometimes it is Kelly or the -millions of Kellys physically dead in war. Sometimes it is only a part -of a man that an ideal kills."</p> - -<p>Sandy jumped up so fast that she knocked over a water glass.</p> - -<p>"Please, Al, please—"</p> - -<p>But it was too late. I saw her glorious hair fade into a dull, ordinary -mass. Her arms thickened, her breasts got smaller. Her body shifted -under the dress with realistic imperfections. Her skin coarsened. She -was still attractive now, but no more so than a thousand other women in -New York.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I stood up but she had already made the motion to withdraw. "I will -manage," she said. "We will say goodbye now. Your perspective has -changed and I can no longer stand you."</p> - -<p>I said nothing, being too full of new thoughts and feelings. She walked -away towards the bar. As she approached she caught the attention of a -near spaceman and seemed to improve at once. Seemed to regain some of -her lost beauty.</p> - -<p>"You see how unsatisfactory the Ideals are," said Radwick.</p> - -<p>"And yours—"</p> - -<p>Radwick gestured at the sugar cubes that were damp now with the water -Sandy had spilled.</p> - -<p>"A far-spaceman did the same for me, Al," he said. On the table was a -circle of sugar cubes which symbolized the ideal, like an "o". Radwick -put his hand in the middle of it and turned his hand, pushing the cubes -in distortion so they became a zero, or "0". He grinned up at me.</p> - -<p>"Nothing is greater," he said, "and we must check in tomorrow for the -Overdrive. It's time to go out again."</p> - -<p>"I won't be going," I said. "I don't want any more of the Stardust -Overdrive."</p> - -<p>"Too bad. There is much to learn out there."</p> - -<p>I laughed at him playing with his cubes. "Yeah, there's a lot to -learn—but we've got it right here too, and a better word for it. -Dreams."</p> - -<p>He looked up at me quizzically. "Dreams?"</p> - -<p>"That's right. You know—'the grass is always greener' stuff. When you -get tired of facing reality you can sign on the Stardust Overdrive. -Treat yourself to a thrill—the biggest in the cosmos. I've found the -answer I was looking for, Radwick, the thing you haven't been able to -find with all your mathematical cube symbols. Men stay on the Stardust -Overdrive and <i>with</i> an Ideal only because they choose a fantasy life -to reality. They <i>think</i> they have it better out there on Scolaris. -Better? They fight and die just as they would on Earth. The rub comes -in when you realize you're only being a sucker for another race—doing -what the Scolarians want you to do so they don't have to do it all by -themselves. You can have your ideals and deep space thrills. It's a -cheap price for your life—just as it was for Kelly."</p> - -<p>He kept staring at me and I saw it wasn't sinking in. So I gave him a -mock salute. "Think it over, Radwick."</p> - -<p>I turned away and he called after me.</p> - -<p>"Where are you going?"</p> - -<p>I looked back at him and grinned. "I'm going to call up my Ideal—the -only one that's real."</p> - -<p>I let him chew on that and went to the nearest tele to tell my wife I -was home....</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TICKET TO THE STARS ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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