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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1080785 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #66029 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66029) diff --git a/old/66029-0.txt b/old/66029-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 52a8aa5..0000000 --- a/old/66029-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,898 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Two Slatterns and a King, by Edna St. -Vincent Millay - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Two Slatterns and a King - A Moral Interlude - -Author: Edna St. Vincent Millay - -Release Date: August 10, 2021 [eBook #66029] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO SLATTERNS AND A -KING *** - - - - - - STEWART KIDD MODERN PLAYS - Edited by Frank Shay - - - TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING - - - - -_Stewart Kidd Modern Plays_ - -_Edited by_ FRANK SHAY - - -To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public and -those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing under -the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens -of the world’s best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared -to secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form -that is at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the -performer and producer. _Buffalo Express_: “Each play is of merit. Each -is unlike the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the -realistic trend of the modern drama.” - -From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the plays. - - -SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. _By Frank G. Tompkins._ - - Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, - Detroit. - - _San Francisco Bulletin_: “The lines are new and many of them are - decidedly clever.” - - _Providence Journal_: “An ingenious and merry little one-act play.” - - -THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in One Act. _By Holland - Hudson._ - - Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. - - _Oakland Tribune_: “A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East.” - - -MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. _By Hildegarde Flanner._ - - Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. - - _Three Arts Magazine_: “This thoughtful and well-written play of - Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres and - is now available in print.” - - -HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. _By H. A. Overstreet._ - - Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. - - _St. Louis Star_: “It is a light whimsy and well carried out.” - - _San Francisco Chronicle_: “No one is likely to hear or read it - without real and legitimate pleasure.” - - -SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. _By Stuart Walker._ - - Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora House, - New York City. - - _Brooklyn Eagle_: “Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic - without being noisy.” - - -OTHERS TO FOLLOW. _Bound in Art Paper. Each, net, .50_ - - - - - TWO SLATTERNS AND - A KING - - A MORAL INTERLUDE - - By - EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY - - Author of “Aria da Capo”, etc. - - First produced at Vassar College. - - [Illustration] - - CINCINNATI - STEWART KIDD COMPANY - PUBLISHERS - - - - - COPYRIGHT, 1921 - STEWART KIDD COMPANY - - _All rights reserved_ - COPYRIGHT IN ENGLAND - -No amateur or professional use permitted of “TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING” -without written authorization first obtained from Stewart Kidd Company, -121 East Fifth Street, Cincinnati, O., to whom all applications should -be addressed. - - - - -TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING - - -PERSONS - - THE KING - CHANCE the VICE - TIDY the false SLATTERN - SLUT the true SLATTERN - - - - - THE - PROLOGUE - AND THE - EPILOGUE - SPOKEN - BY - CHANCE - - - - -TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING - - - - -PROLOGUE - - I am that cunning infidel - By men called CHANCE,--you know me well. - It is through me you met your wives; - Through me your harvest blights or thrives; - And one and all, through me, to-day - Hither you came to see the play, - Which if your favor still you lend, - As now, so on until the end, - You shall be taught what way a King - Though a sublime and awful thing - And even wise, may come to be - A laughing-stock,--and all through me! - - (_Exit_) - - (ENTER KING) - -KING - - I am the King of all this land: - I hold a sceptre in my hand; - Upon my head I wear a crown; - Everybody stands when I sit down. (_Sits_) - -CHANCE (_Appearing to audience; he is invisible throughout the play to - the other players in it._) - - Excepting me,--please bear in mind - I sit whenever I feel inclined. (_Sits_) - -KING - - Although my lands are wide and long, - My walls right thick, my armies strong, - I am not wholly satisfied. - -CHANCE - - That is because you have no bride. - -KING - - Who speaks?--Come forth and, if you dare, - Say once again what causes my care! - Why I am discontent with life! - -CHANCE - - It is because you have no wife. - -KING - - A woman in my royal house! - A woman! A wife! A bride! A spouse! - Bold stranger, this is not the cure, - For a woman I could never endure! - -CHANCE - - Per-CHANCE to-morrow you will find - You have altered your imperial mind. - - (_Exeunt KING and CHANCE severally_) - - (ENTER TIDY) - -TIDY - - I am TIDY, I have been - All my life both neat and clean. - From my outside to my in - Clean am I unto my skin. - Every day into a bucket - My hands I dip, my head I duck it; - And if the water plenty be - I sometimes wet some more of me. - This is my kitchen, where you will find - All things pleasant and to your mind; - Against the wall in orderly pairs-- - One, two,--one, two,--observe my chairs. - In the middle of the room my table stands: - I would not move it for many lands. - My basins and bowls are all in their places; - The bottoms of my pots are as clean as your faces. - My kettle boils so cheerily, - It is like a friendly voice to me; - About my work I merrily sing, - And I brush my hearth with a white duck’s wing. - Oh, full is every cupboard, sharp is every knife!-- - My bright, sunny kitchen is the pride of my life! - - (_Exit TIDY_) - - (ENTER SLUT) - -SLUT - - I am SLUT; I am a slattern, - You must not take me for your pattern. - I spend my days in slovenly ease; - I sleep when I like and I wake when I please. - My manners, they are indolent; - In clutter and filth I am quite content. - Here is my kitchen, where I stir up my messes, - And wear out my old shoes and soiled silk dresses. - My table sags beneath the weight - Of stale food and unwashed plate; - The cat has tipped the pitcher o’er,-- - The greasy stream drips onto the floor; - Under the table is a broken cup-- - I am too tired to pick it up. - - (_Exit SLUT_) - - (ENTER KING) - -KING - - Now I will no longer tarry - For I think that I will marry. - Now the one thing in my life - Is to marry me a wife. - But I will not be content - With a wench that’s indolent, - Or take a slattern for a spouse,-- - I will go from house to house, - Unheralded--that there may be - No cleaning up because of me-- - And that maid whose kitchen’s neatest - Will I have to be my sweetest. - - (_Exit KING_) - - (CHANCE APPEARS) - -CHANCE - - That I am absent do not fear - For that you have not seen me here, - For know, I oft invisibly - Do move among the things you see; - And to confuse and thwart the King - Through Slut and Tidy, is a thing - Dear to my nature,--therefore heed, - And you shall see a show indeed! - - (_Exit CHANCE_) - - (_Enter TIDY in great disorder_) - -TIDY - - Oh, dear, oh, dear, what shall I do? - Oh, such a plight I never knew! - Though I arose as is my way - An hour before the break of day, - Here it is noon, and nothing done; - The milk has soured in the sun, - And the sweet, pretty duck I broiled - A neighbor’s dog has dragged and spoiled; - I beat him with my hands and wept! - Straight through the window then he leapt, - And through the window after him, - With scratchéd face and bruiséd limb, - And on through mire and briar and bog - Hours and hours I chased that dog, - Stumbling, uttering awful cries-- - While into my kitchen swarmed the flies! - I came back at half-past ten! - Oh, what a sight did greet me then! - My fair white sheets I hung so fine - Down in the black muck under the line! - And out of the oven from cakes ’n’ pies ’n’ - Beautiful tarts the thick smoke risin’! - I knelt down my tarts to remove, - And my quince jelly that stood on the stove - Up did boil, and, as you see, - Boiled itself all over me!-- - All over the floor, all over the room,-- - Whereat I ran to fetch the broom-- - The broom! The broom--instead of the mop! - To fetch a broom to wipe up slop! - And with its handle smashed the clock’s face, - Getting glass all over the place, - And knocked the dishes off the shelf, - And fell to my knees and cut myself, - And wept and cried and when I would rise - Could not see for the tears in my eyes; - So tripped on a chair and, to save a fall, - Caught at the table, then flat did sprawl, - Dragging the table down with me, - And everything on it, as well you may see! - I cannot live in such a state! - But where to begin is past my pate! - - (_Enter KING_) - -KING - - I am the King of all these lands: - Down upon your knees and hands. - Wishing to marry me, I have said - That the tidiest maiden I would wed - In all my realm, wherefore I go - From kitchen to kitchen, that I may know - And judge for myself what maid is worth - To sit at my side in feasting and in mirth. - Untidy Spill-time, it is easy to see - That my fair bride you never will be. - -TIDY - - Oh, great King, hear me when I say - This has been a most unusual day! - It is by chance alone you see - In such a state my kitchen and me! - I can set us both to rights in a minute! - -KING - - In vain! I have set a trap and caught you in it! - Vain, wench, your lies and your pretense! - I see what I see and I hie me hence! - - (_Exit KING_) - - (_Exit TIDY, weeping_) - - (ENTER SLUT) - -SLUT - - Lest you know me not in this disguise - I tell you I am SLUT, and I tell you no lies. - My face and my hands are clean and neat; - Fresh is my frock, trim are my feet. - But I assure you you are not wrong - To think that so tidy I shall not be for long. - And if the story you wish from me, - I will tell you how this came to be: - Dull was the day and tedious my book; - I saw no pleasure wherever I might look; - I had done everything that I knew how to do, - And I could think of nothing new. - But at last I thought of one - Thing that I had never done. - And I said, “I will take a broom, - And I will sweep this room! - I will wash this floor!” - I had never washed it before-- - “All things in order will I arrange, - Although I hate order, for it will be a change.” - So here I am, as you can see-- - I and my kitchen as clean as can be. - But in a room as clean as this - My bones ache and I find no bliss. - So watch, and soon it will appear - Much less orderly and drear. - - (_Enter KING_) - -KING - - Down upon your knees and hands! - I am the King of all these lands. - Wishing to marry me, I have said - That the tidiest maiden I would wed - In all my realms, wherefore I go - From kitchen to kitchen that I may know-- - Yet stay! This kitchen is so tidy, - I think that you must be my bridey! - As far and wide as I have been - So neat a kitchen I have not seen; - Therefore I say you are my wife, - For the remainder of your life. - -SLUT (_aside_) - - To point him out his error at first I intended, - But least said is soonest mended. - - (_Exeunt KING with SLUT_) - - (_Enter TIDY_) - -TIDY - - Now once again with me - All is as it is wont to be. - Now once again you see me stand - The tidiest lady in the land. - If the King should see me now - He would tell a different tale, I trow. - - (_Enter KING_) - -KING - - Oh, lovely lady, who are you, - That I am a talking to? - -TIDY - - She am I whom you did scorn - This very day at morn. - -KING - - It may not be as you have said, - For you would I gladly wed! - -TIDY - - I thank you for the favor, but - They tell me you have married SLUT! - -KING - - Oh, cock’s bones! And strike me dead! - Is it a Slut that I have wed? - - (_Enter SLUT dressed as at first_) - -SLUT - - So here you dally whilst I sit at home! - Never any more abroad shall you roam, - But sit at home with me for the rest of your life, - For I am your lawful wedded wife! - -KING - - Oh, woe is me, what a life will be mine! - -SLUT - - It is too late now to repine: - Home with me you come for the rest of your life, - For SLUT is your lawful wedded wife! - - (_Exit SLUT with KING_) - -TIDY - - A slattern is a fearful sight,--ah, me! - What pleasure it gives so tidy to be! - - (_Exit TIDY_) - -EPILOGUE - - Now that the play is at an end, - By CHANCE _you_ have enjoyed it, friend; - By CHANCE to _you_ his sweet was gall; - By CHANCE _you_ slumbered through it all. - Howe’er it be, it was by CHANCE - The KING was led so merry a dance, - By CHANCE that TIDY met disgrace, - By CHANCE alone SLUT washed her face; - From morn to eve the whole day long - It was by CHANCE that things went wrong. - Wherefore, good friends, t’ escape derision, - Be not o’er hasty in your decision, - For he who heedeth not this rule - BY CHANCE HE WILL BE CALLED A FOOL! - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: - - - Italicized or underlined text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Two Slatterns and a King</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:1em;'>A Moral Interlude</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Edna St. Vincent Millay</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: August 10, 2021 [eBook #66029]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING ***</div> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/cover.jpg" width="40%" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - - -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="center"><span class="xlarge">STEWART KIDD MODERN PLAYS</span><br /> -Edited by Frank Shay</p> -</div> - -<h1>TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING</h1> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="u"><i>Stewart Kidd Modern Plays</i></span></h2> - - -<p class="center"><i>Edited by</i> FRANK SHAY</p> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public -and those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing -under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens -of the world’s best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared to -secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form that is -at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the performer -and producer. <i>Buffalo Express</i>: “Each play is of merit. Each is unlike -the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the realistic trend -of the modern drama.”</p> - -<p>From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the plays.</p> - - -<p>SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. <i>By Frank G. Tompkins.</i></p> - - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit.</p> - -<p><i>San Francisco Bulletin</i>: “The lines are new and many of them -are decidedly clever.”</p> - -<p><i>Providence Journal</i>: “An ingenious and merry little one-act play.”</p> -</div> - - - - -<p>THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in -One Act. <i>By Holland Hudson.</i></p> - - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>Originally produced by the Washington Square Players.</p> - -<p><i>Oakland Tribune</i>: “A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East.”</p> -</div> - - -<p>MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. <i>By Hildegarde Flanner.</i></p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society.</p> - -<p><i>Three Arts Magazine</i>: “This thoughtful and well-written play of -Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres -and is now available in print.”</p> -</div> - - -<p>HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. <i>By H. A. Overstreet.</i></p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y.</p> - -<p><i>St. Louis Star</i>: “It is a light whimsy and well carried out.”</p> - -<p><i>San Francisco Chronicle</i>: “No one is likely to hear or read it -without real and legitimate pleasure.”</p> -</div> - - -<p>SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. <i>By Stuart Walker.</i></p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora -House, New York City.</p> - -<p><i>Brooklyn Eagle</i>: “Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic -without being noisy.”</p> -</div> - - -<p class="center">OTHERS TO FOLLOW. <i>Bound in Art Paper. Each, net, .50</i></p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i_title.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> - - -<p class="ph1"><span class="smcap">Two Slatterns And</span><br /> -<span class="allsmcap">A KING</span></p> - -<p><span class="xlarge">A MORAL INTERLUDE</span></p> - -<p>By<br /> -<span class="xlarge">EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY</span><br /> -<br /> -Author of “Aria da Capo”, etc.<br /> - -First produced at Vassar College.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i_titlelogo.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<p>CINCINNATI<br /> -<span class="xlarge">STEWART KIDD COMPANY</span><br /> -PUBLISHERS</p> -</div> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="center">COPYRIGHT, 1921<br /> -STEWART KIDD COMPANY<br /> -<br /> -<i>All rights reserved</i><br /> -COPYRIGHT IN ENGLAND</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>No amateur or professional use permitted of “<span class="smcap">Two Slatterns -and a King</span>” without written authorization first obtained from -Stewart Kidd Company, 121 East Fifth Street, Cincinnati, O., to -whom all applications should be addressed.</p> -</div></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak">TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING<br /> - - -<br /> -<small>PERSONS</small></h2> - - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span class="smcap">The King</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span class="smcap">Chance</span> the <span class="smcap">Vice</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span class="smcap">Tidy</span> the false <span class="smcap">Slattern</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span class="smcap">Slut</span> the true <span class="smcap">Slattern</span></div> -</div></div></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="center"> -THE<br /> -<span class="xlarge">PROLOGUE</span><br /> -AND THE<br /> -<span class="xlarge">EPILOGUE</span><br /> -SPOKEN<br /> -BY<br /> -<span class="xlarge">CHANCE</span><br /> -</p></div> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span> - -<p class="ph1"><span class="smcap">Two Slatterns and a King</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak">PROLOGUE</h2> -</div> - - - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">I am that cunning infidel</div> -<div class="verse">By men called CHANCE,—you know me well.</div> -<div class="verse">It is through me you met your wives;</div> -<div class="verse">Through me your harvest blights or thrives;</div> -<div class="verse">And one and all, through me, to-day</div> -<div class="verse">Hither you came to see the play,</div> -<div class="verse">Which if your favor still you lend,</div> -<div class="verse">As now, so on until the end,</div> -<div class="verse">You shall be taught what way a King</div> -<div class="verse">Though a sublime and awful thing</div> -<div class="verse">And even wise, may come to be</div> -<div class="verse">A laughing-stock,—and all through me!</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">ENTER KING</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">I am the King of all this land:</div> -<div class="verse">I hold a sceptre in my hand;</div> -<div class="verse">Upon my head I wear a crown;</div> -<div class="verse">Everybody stands when I sit down. (<i>Sits</i>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> (<i>Appearing to audience; he is invisible<br /> -throughout the play to the other players in it.</i>)</div> - -<div class="verse">Excepting me,—please bear in mind</div> -<div class="verse">I sit whenever I feel inclined. (<i>Sits</i>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Although my lands are wide and long,</div> -<div class="verse">My walls right thick, my armies strong,</div> -<div class="verse">I am not wholly satisfied.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"><span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span></div> - -<div class="verse">That is because you have no bride.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Who speaks?—Come forth and, if you dare,</div> -<div class="verse">Say once again what causes my care!</div> -<div class="verse">Why I am discontent with life!</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span></div> - -<div class="verse">It is because you have no wife.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">A woman in my royal house!</div> -<div class="verse">A woman! A wife! A bride! A spouse!</div> -<div class="verse">Bold stranger, this is not the cure,</div> -<div class="verse">For a woman I could never endure!</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Per-CHANCE to-morrow you will find</div> -<div class="verse">You have altered your imperial mind.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - - -<div class="center">(<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> <i>severally</i>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - - -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">ENTER TIDY</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">I am TIDY, I have been</div> -<div class="verse">All my life both neat and clean.</div> -<div class="verse">From my outside to my in</div> -<div class="verse">Clean am I unto my skin.</div> -<div class="verse">Every day into a bucket</div> -<div class="verse">My hands I dip, my head I duck it;</div> -<div class="verse">And if the water plenty be</div> -<div class="verse">I sometimes wet some more of me.</div> -<div class="verse">This is my kitchen, where you will find</div> -<div class="verse">All things pleasant and to your mind;</div> -<div class="verse">Against the wall in orderly pairs—</div> -<div class="verse">One, two,—one, two,—observe my chairs.</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span> -<div class="verse">In the middle of the room my table stands:</div> -<div class="verse">I would not move it for many lands.</div> -<div class="verse">My basins and bowls are all in their places;</div> -<div class="verse">The bottoms of my pots are as clean as your faces.</div> -<div class="verse">My kettle boils so cheerily,</div> -<div class="verse">It is like a friendly voice to me;</div> -<div class="verse">About my work I merrily sing,</div> -<div class="verse">And I brush my hearth with a white duck’s wing.</div> -<div class="verse">Oh, full is every cupboard, sharp is every knife!—</div> -<div class="verse">My bright, sunny kitchen is the pride of my life!</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">ENTER SLUT</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span></div> - -<div class="verse">I am SLUT; I am a slattern,</div> -<div class="verse">You must not take me for your pattern.</div> -<div class="verse">I spend my days in slovenly ease;</div> -<div class="verse">I sleep when I like and I wake when I please.</div> -<div class="verse">My manners, they are indolent;</div> -<div class="verse">In clutter and filth I am quite content.</div> -<div class="verse">Here is my kitchen, where I stir up my messes,</div> -<div class="verse">And wear out my old shoes and soiled silk dresses.</div> -<div class="verse">My table sags beneath the weight</div> -<div class="verse">Of stale food and unwashed plate;</div> -<div class="verse">The cat has tipped the pitcher o’er,—</div> -<div class="verse">The greasy stream drips onto the floor;</div> -<div class="verse">Under the table is a broken cup—</div> -<div class="verse">I am too tired to pick it up.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"><span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span> - - - -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">ENTER KING</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Now I will no longer tarry</div> -<div class="verse">For I think that I will marry.</div> -<div class="verse">Now the one thing in my life</div> -<div class="verse">Is to marry me a wife.</div> -<div class="verse">But I will not be content</div> -<div class="verse">With a wench that’s indolent,</div> -<div class="verse">Or take a slattern for a spouse,—</div> -<div class="verse">I will go from house to house,</div> -<div class="verse">Unheralded—that there may be</div> -<div class="verse">No cleaning up because of me—</div> -<div class="verse">And that maid whose kitchen’s neatest</div> -<div class="verse">Will I have to be my sweetest.</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">CHANCE APPEARS</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span></div> - -<div class="verse">That I am absent do not fear</div> -<div class="verse">For that you have not seen me here,</div> -<div class="verse">For know, I oft invisibly</div> -<div class="verse">Do move among the things you see;</div> -<div class="verse">And to confuse and thwart the King</div> -<div class="verse">Through Slut and Tidy, is a thing</div> -<div class="verse">Dear to my nature,—therefore heed,</div> -<div class="verse">And you shall see a show indeed!</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span> <i>in great disorder</i>)</div> -</div> -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Oh, dear, oh, dear, what shall I do?</div> -<div class="verse">Oh, such a plight I never knew!</div> -<div class="verse">Though I arose as is my way</div> -<div class="verse">An hour before the break of day,</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span> -<div class="verse">Here it is noon, and nothing done;</div> -<div class="verse">The milk has soured in the sun,</div> -<div class="verse">And the sweet, pretty duck I broiled</div> -<div class="verse">A neighbor’s dog has dragged and spoiled;</div> -<div class="verse">I beat him with my hands and wept!</div> -<div class="verse">Straight through the window then he leapt,</div> -<div class="verse">And through the window after him,</div> -<div class="verse">With scratchéd face and bruiséd limb,</div> -<div class="verse">And on through mire and briar and bog</div> -<div class="verse">Hours and hours I chased that dog,</div> -<div class="verse">Stumbling, uttering awful cries—</div> -<div class="verse">While into my kitchen swarmed the flies!</div> -<div class="verse">I came back at half-past ten!</div> -<div class="verse">Oh, what a sight did greet me then!</div> -<div class="verse">My fair white sheets I hung so fine</div> -<div class="verse">Down in the black muck under the line!</div> -<div class="verse">And out of the oven from cakes ’n’ pies ’n’</div> -<div class="verse">Beautiful tarts the thick smoke risin’!</div> -<div class="verse">I knelt down my tarts to remove,</div> -<div class="verse">And my quince jelly that stood on the stove</div> -<div class="verse">Up did boil, and, as you see,</div> -<div class="verse">Boiled itself all over me!—</div> -<div class="verse">All over the floor, all over the room,—</div> -<div class="verse">Whereat I ran to fetch the broom—</div> -<div class="verse">The broom! The broom—instead of the mop!</div> -<div class="verse">To fetch a broom to wipe up slop!</div> -<div class="verse">And with its handle smashed the clock’s face,</div> -<div class="verse">Getting glass all over the place,</div> -<div class="verse">And knocked the dishes off the shelf,</div> -<div class="verse">And fell to my knees and cut myself,</div> -<div class="verse">And wept and cried and when I would rise</div> -<div class="verse">Could not see for the tears in my eyes;</div> -<div class="verse">So tripped on a chair and, to save a fall,</div> -<div class="verse">Caught at the table, then flat did sprawl,</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span> -<div class="verse">Dragging the table down with me,</div> -<div class="verse">And everything on it, as well you may see!</div> -<div class="verse">I cannot live in such a state!</div> -<div class="verse">But where to begin is past my pate!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">I am the King of all these lands:</div> -<div class="verse">Down upon your knees and hands.</div> -<div class="verse">Wishing to marry me, I have said</div> -<div class="verse">That the tidiest maiden I would wed</div> -<div class="verse">In all my realm, wherefore I go</div> -<div class="verse">From kitchen to kitchen, that I may know</div> -<div class="verse">And judge for myself what maid is worth</div> -<div class="verse">To sit at my side in feasting and in mirth.</div> -<div class="verse">Untidy Spill-time, it is easy to see</div> -<div class="verse">That my fair bride you never will be.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Oh, great King, hear me when I say</div> -<div class="verse">This has been a most unusual day!</div> -<div class="verse">It is by chance alone you see</div> -<div class="verse">In such a state my kitchen and me!</div> -<div class="verse">I can set us both to rights in a minute!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">In vain! I have set a trap and caught you in it!</div> -<div class="verse">Vain, wench, your lies and your pretense!</div> -<div class="verse">I see what I see and I hie me hence!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - - - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span>, <i>weeping</i>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<span class="allsmcap">ENTER SLUT</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Lest you know me not in this disguise</div> -<div class="verse">I tell you I am SLUT, and I tell you no lies.</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span> -<div class="verse">My face and my hands are clean and neat;</div> -<div class="verse">Fresh is my frock, trim are my feet.</div> -<div class="verse">But I assure you you are not wrong</div> -<div class="verse">To think that so tidy I shall not be for long.</div> -<div class="verse">And if the story you wish from me,</div> -<div class="verse">I will tell you how this came to be:</div> -<div class="verse">Dull was the day and tedious my book;</div> -<div class="verse">I saw no pleasure wherever I might look;</div> -<div class="verse">I had done everything that I knew how to do,</div> -<div class="verse">And I could think of nothing new.</div> -<div class="verse">But at last I thought of one</div> -<div class="verse">Thing that I had never done.</div> -<div class="verse">And I said, “I will take a broom,</div> -<div class="verse">And I will sweep this room!</div> -<div class="verse">I will wash this floor!”</div> -<div class="verse">I had never washed it before—</div> -<div class="verse">“All things in order will I arrange,</div> -<div class="verse">Although I hate order, for it will be a change.”</div> -<div class="verse">So here I am, as you can see—</div> -<div class="verse">I and my kitchen as clean as can be.</div> -<div class="verse">But in a room as clean as this</div> -<div class="verse">My bones ache and I find no bliss.</div> -<div class="verse">So watch, and soon it will appear</div> -<div class="verse">Much less orderly and drear.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Down upon your knees and hands!</div> -<div class="verse">I am the King of all these lands.</div> -<div class="verse">Wishing to marry me, I have said</div> -<div class="verse">That the tidiest maiden I would wed</div> -<div class="verse">In all my realms, wherefore I go</div> -<div class="verse">From kitchen to kitchen that I may know—</div> -<div class="verse">Yet stay! This kitchen is so tidy,</div> -<div class="verse">I think that you must be my bridey!</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span> -<div class="verse">As far and wide as I have been</div> -<div class="verse">So neat a kitchen I have not seen;</div> -<div class="verse">Therefore I say you are my wife,</div> -<div class="verse">For the remainder of your life.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span> (<i>aside</i>)</div> - -<div class="verse">To point him out his error at first I intended,</div> -<div class="verse">But least said is soonest mended.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>with</i> <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Now once again with me</div> -<div class="verse">All is as it is wont to be.</div> -<div class="verse">Now once again you see me stand</div> -<div class="verse">The tidiest lady in the land.</div> -<div class="verse">If the King should see me now</div> -<div class="verse">He would tell a different tale, I trow.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Oh, lovely lady, who are you,</div> -<div class="verse">That I am a talking to?</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">She am I whom you did scorn</div> -<div class="verse">This very day at morn.</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">It may not be as you have said,</div> -<div class="verse">For you would I gladly wed!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">I thank you for the favor, but</div> -<div class="verse">They tell me you have married <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span>!</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Oh, cock’s bones! And strike me dead!</div> -<div class="verse">Is it a Slut that I have wed?</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span> <i>dressed as at first</i>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span></div> - -<div class="verse">So here you dally whilst I sit at home!</div> -<div class="verse">Never any more abroad shall you roam,</div> -<div class="verse">But sit at home with me for the rest of your life,</div> -<div class="verse">For I am your lawful wedded wife!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">KING</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Oh, woe is me, what a life will be mine!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span></div> - -<div class="verse">It is too late now to repine:</div> -<div class="verse">Home with me you come for the rest of your life,</div> -<div class="verse">For <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span> is your lawful wedded wife!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span> <i>with</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="verseleft"><span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span></div> - -<div class="verse">A slattern is a fearful sight,—ah, me!</div> -<div class="verse">What pleasure it gives so tidy to be!</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="center">(<i>Exit</i> <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span>)</div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="center"><h2>EPILOGUE</h2></div> -</div> - -<div class="stanza"> - -<div class="verse">Now that the play is at an end,</div> -<div class="verse">By <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> <i>you</i> have enjoyed it, friend;</div> -<div class="verse">By <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> to <i>you</i> his sweet was gall;</div> -<div class="verse">By <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> <i>you</i> slumbered through it all.</div> -<div class="verse">Howe’er it be, it was by <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span></div> -<div class="verse">The <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> was led so merry a dance,</div> -<div class="verse">By <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> that <span class="allsmcap">TIDY</span> met disgrace,</div> -<div class="verse">By <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> alone <span class="allsmcap">SLUT</span> washed her face;</div><span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span> -<div class="verse">From morn to eve the whole day long</div> -<div class="verse">It was by <span class="allsmcap">CHANCE</span> that things went wrong.</div> -<div class="verse">Wherefore, good friends, t’ escape derision,</div> -<div class="verse">Be not o’er hasty in your decision,</div> -<div class="verse">For he who heedeth not this rule</div> -<div class="verse"><span class="allsmcap">BY CHANCE HE WILL BE CALLED A FOOL</span>!</div> -</div></div></div> - - - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TWO SLATTERNS AND A KING ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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