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-Project Gutenberg's The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling, by Henry Fielding
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-
-Title: The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling
-
-Author: Henry Fielding
-
-
-Release Date: September, 2004  [EBook #6593]
-This file was first posted on December 29, 2002
-Last Updated: June 15, 2013
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HISTORY OF TOM JONES ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Carlo Traverso, Charles Franks, and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team. This file has been
-cross-checked with 2 other different editions available
-on-line
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-THE HISTORY OF TOM JONES, A FOUNDLING
-
-By Henry Fielding
-
-
-
-
-
-CONTENTS
-
-
-DEDICATION
-
-
-BOOK I -- CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF THE FOUNDLING AS IS
-NECESSARY OR PROPER TO ACQUAINT THE READER WITH IN THE BEGINNING OF
-THIS HISTORY.
-
-Chapter i -- The introduction to the work, or bill of fare to the
-feast.
-
-Chapter ii -- A short description of squire Allworthy, and a fuller
-account of Miss Bridget Allworthy, his sister.
-
-Chapter iii -- An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return
-home. The decent behaviour of Mrs Deborah Wilkins, with some proper
-animadversions on bastards.
-
-Chapter iv -- The reader's neck brought into danger by a description;
-his escape; and the great condescension of Miss Bridget Allworthy.
-
-Chapter v -- Containing a few common matters, with a very uncommon
-observation upon them.
-
-Chapter vi -- Mrs Deborah is introduced into the parish with a
-simile. A short account of Jenny Jones, with the difficulties and
-discouragements which may attend young women in the pursuit of
-learning.
-
-Chapter vii -- Containing such grave matter, that the reader cannot
-laugh once through the whole chapter, unless peradventure he should
-laugh at the author.
-
-Chapter viii -- A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah;
-containing more amusement, but less instruction, than the former.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing matters which will surprize the reader.
-
-Chapter x -- The hospitality of Allworthy; with a short sketch of the
-characters of two brothers, a doctor and a captain, who were
-entertained by that gentleman.
-
-Chapter xi -- Containing many rules, and some examples, concerning
-falling in love: descriptions of beauty, and other more prudential
-inducements to matrimony.
-
-Chapter xii -- Containing what the reader may, perhaps, expect to find
-in it.
-
-Chapter xiii -- Which concludes the first book; with an instance of
-ingratitude, which, we hope, will appear unnatural.
-
-
-BOOK II -- CONTAINING SCENES OF MATRIMONIAL FELICITY IN DIFFERENT
-DEGREES OF LIFE; AND VARIOUS OTHER TRANSACTIONS DURING THE FIRST TWO
-YEARS AFTER THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN CAPTAIN BLIFIL AND MISS BRIDGET
-ALLWORTHY.
-
-Chapter i -- Showing what kind of a history this is; what it is like,
-and what it is not like.
-
-Chapter ii -- Religious cautions against showing too much favour to
-bastards; and a great discovery made by Mrs Deborah Wilkins.
-
-Chapter iii -- The description of a domestic government founded upon
-rules directly contrary to those of Aristotle.
-
-Chapter iv -- Containing one of the most bloody battles, or rather
-duels, that were ever recorded in domestic history.
-
-Chapter v -- Containing much matter to exercise the judgment and
-reflection of the reader.
-
-Chapter vi -- The trial of Partridge, the schoolmaster, for
-incontinency; the evidence of his wife; a short reflection on the
-wisdom of our law; with other grave matters, which those will like
-best who understand them most.
-
-Chapter vii -- A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples
-may extract from hatred: with a short apology for those people who
-overlook imperfections in their friends.
-
-Chapter viii -- A receipt to regain the lost affections of a wife,
-which hath never been known to fail in the most desperate cases.
-
-Chapter ix -- A proof of the infallibility of the foregoing receipt,
-in the lamentations of the widow; with other suitable decorations of
-death, such as physicians, &c., and an epitaph in the true stile.
-
-
-BOOK III -- CONTAINING THE MOST MEMORABLE TRANSACTIONS WHICH PASSED IN
-THE FAMILY OF MR ALLWORTHY, FROM THE TIME WHEN TOMMY JONES ARRIVED AT
-THE AGE OF FOURTEEN, TILL HE ATTAINED THE AGE OF NINETEEN. IN THIS
-BOOK THE READER MAY PICK UP SOME HINTS CONCERNING THE EDUCATION OF
-CHILDREN.
-
-Chapter i -- Containing little or nothing.
-
-Chapter ii -- The heroe of this great history appears with very bad
-omens. A little tale of so LOW a kind that some may think it not worth
-their notice. A word or two concerning a squire, and more relating to
-a gamekeeper and a schoolmaster.
-
-Chapter iii -- The character of Mr Square the philosopher, and of Mr
-Thwackum the divine; with a dispute concerning----
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing a necessary apology for the author; and a childish
-incident, which perhaps requires an apology likewise --
-
-Chapter v. -- The opinions of the divine and the philosopher
-concerning the two boys; with some reasons for their opinions, and
-other matters.
-
-Chapter vi -- Containing a better reason still for the
-before-mentioned opinions.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which the author himself makes his appearance on the
-stage.
-
-Chapter viii -- A childish incident, in which, however, is seen a
-good-natured disposition in Tom Jones.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing an incident of a more heinous kind, with the
-comments of Thwackum and Square.
-
-Chapter x -- In which Master Blifil and Jones appear in different
-lights.
-
-
-BOOK IV -- CONTAINING THE TIME OF A YEAR.
-
-Chapter i -- Containing five pages of paper.
-
-Chapter ii -- A short hint of what we can do in the sublime, and a
-description of Miss Sophia Western.
-
-Chapter iii -- Wherein the history goes back to commemorate a trifling
-incident that happened some years since; but which, trifling as it
-was, had some future consequences.
-
-Chapter iv -- Containing such very deep and grave matters, that some
-readers, perhaps, may not relish it.
-
-Chapter v -- Containing matter accommodated to every taste.
-
-Chapter vi -- An apology for the insensibility of Mr Jones to all the
-charms of the lovely Sophia; in which possibly we may, in a
-considerable degree, lower his character in the estimation of those
-men of wit and gallantry who approve the heroes in most of our modern
-comedies.
-
-Chapter vii -- Being the shortest chapter in this book.
-
-Chapter viii -- A battle sung by the muse in the Homerican style, and
-which none but the classical reader can taste.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing matter of no very peaceable colour.
-
-Chapter x -- A story told by Mr Supple, the curate. The penetration of
-Squire Western. His great love for his daughter, and the return to it
-made by her.
-
-Chapter xi -- The narrow escape of Molly Seagrim, with some
-observations for which we have been forced to dive pretty deep into
-nature.
-
-Chapter xii -- Containing much clearer matters; but which flowed from
-the same fountain with those in the preceding chapter.
-
-Chapter xiii -- A dreadful accident which befel Sophia. The gallant
-behaviour of Jones, and the more dreadful consequence of that
-behaviour to the young lady; with a short digression in favour of the
-female sex.
-
-Chapter xiv -- The arrival of a surgeon.--His operations, and a long
-dialogue between Sophia and her maid.
-
-
-BOOK V -- CONTAINING A PORTION OF TIME SOMEWHAT LONGER THAN HALF A
-YEAR.
-
-Chapter i -- Of the SERIOUS in writing, and for what purpose it is
-introduced.
-
-Chapter ii -- In which Mr Jones receives many friendly visits during
-his confinement; with some fine touches of the passion of love, scarce
-visible to the naked eye.
-
-Chapter iii -- Which all who have no heart will think to contain much
-ado about nothing.
-
-Chapter iv -- A little chapter, in which is contained a little
-incident.
-
-Chapter v -- A very long chapter, containing a very great incident.
-
-Chapter vi -- By comparing which with the former, the reader may
-possibly correct some abuse which he hath formerly been guilty of in
-the application of the word love.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which Mr Allworthy appears on a sick-bed.
-
-Chapter viii -- Containing matter rather natural than pleasing.
-
-Chapter ix -- Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on
-that saying of Aeschines, that "drunkenness shows the mind of a man,
-as a mirrour reflects his person."
-
-Chapter x -- Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of
-other more grave writers, who have proved beyond contradiction, that
-wine is often the forerunner of incontinency.
-
-Chapter xi -- In which a simile in Mr Pope's period of a mile
-introduces as bloody a battle as can possibly be fought without the
-assistance of steel or cold iron.
-
-Chapter xii -- In which is seen a more moving spectacle than all the
-blood in the bodies of Thwackum and Blifil, and of twenty other such,
-is capable of producing.
-
-
-BOOK VI -- CONTAINING ABOUT THREE WEEKS.
-
-Chapter i -- Of love.
-
-Chapter ii -- The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and
-knowledge of the world, and an instance of the deep penetration which
-she derived from those advantages.
-
-Chapter iii -- Containing two defiances to the critics.
-
-Chapter iv -- Containing sundry curious matters.
-
-Chapter v -- In which is related what passed between Sophia and her
-aunt.
-
-Chapter vi -- Containing a dialogue between Sophia and Mrs Honour,
-which may a little relieve those tender affections which the foregoing
-scene may have raised in the mind of a good-natured reader.
-
-Chapter vii -- A picture of formal courtship in miniature, as it
-always ought to be drawn, and a scene of a tenderer kind painted at
-full length.
-
-Chapter viii -- The meeting between Jones and Sophia.
-
-Chapter ix -- Being of a much more tempestuous kind than the former.
-
-Chapter x -- In which Mr Western visits Mr Allworthy.
-
-Chapter xi -- A short chapter; but which contains sufficient matter to
-affect the good-natured reader.
-
-Chapter xii -- Containing love-letters, &c.
-
-Chapter xiii -- The behaviour of Sophia on the present occasion; which
-none of her sex will blame, who are capable of behaving in the same
-manner. And the discussion of a knotty point in the court of
-conscience.
-
-Chapter xiv -- A short chapter, containing a short dialogue between
-Squire Western and his sister.
-
-
-BOOK VII -- CONTAINING THREE DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- A comparison between the world and the stage.
-
-Chapter ii -- Containing a conversation which Mr Jones had with
-himself.
-
-Chapter iii -- Containing several dialogues.
-
-Chapter iv -- A picture of a country gentlewoman taken from the life.
-
-Chapter v -- The generous behaviour of Sophia towards her aunt.
-
-Chapter vi -- Containing great variety of matter.
-
-Chapter vii -- A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange
-stratagem of Mrs Honour.
-
-Chapter viii -- Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon
-kind.
-
-Chapter ix -- The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a
-magistrate. A hint to justices of peace, concerning the necessary
-qualifications of a clerk; with extraordinary instances of paternal
-madness and filial affection.
-
-Chapter x -- Containing several matters, natural enough perhaps, but
-low.
-
-Chapter xi -- The adventure of a company of soldiers.
-
-Chapter xii -- The adventure of a company of officers.
-
-Chapter xiii -- Containing the great address of the landlady, the
-great learning of a surgeon, and the solid skill in casuistry of the
-worthy lieutenant.
-
-Chapter xiv -- A most dreadful chapter indeed; and which few readers
-ought to venture upon in an evening, especially when alone.
-
-Chapter xv -- The conclusion of the foregoing adventure.
-
-
-BOOK VIII -- CONTAINING ABOUT TWO DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- A wonderful long chapter concerning the marvellous; being
-much the longest of all our introductory chapters.
-
-Chapter ii -- In which the landlady pays a visit to Mr Jones.
-
-Chapter iii -- In which the surgeon makes his second appearance.
-
-Chapter iv -- In which is introduced one of the pleasantest barbers
-that was ever recorded in history, the barber of Bagdad, or he in Don
-Quixote, not excepted.
-
-Chapter v -- A dialogue between Mr Jones and the barber.
-
-Chapter vi -- In which more of the talents of Mr Benjamin will appear,
-as well as who this extraordinary person was.
-
-Chapter vii -- Containing better reasons than any which have yet
-appeared for the conduct of Partridge; an apology for the weakness of
-Jones; and some further anecdotes concerning my landlady.
-
-Chapter viii -- Jones arrives at Gloucester, and goes to the Bell; the
-character of that house, and of a petty-fogger which he there meets
-with.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing several dialogues between Jones and
-Partridge, concerning love, cold, hunger, and other matters; with the
-lucky and narrow escape of Partridge, as he was on the very brink of
-making a fatal discovery to his friend.
-
-Chapter x -- In which our travellers meet with a very extraordinary
-adventure.
-
-Chapter xi -- In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his
-history.
-
-Chapter xii -- In which the Man of the Hill continues his history.
-
-Chapter xiii -- In which the foregoing story is farther continued.
-
-Chapter xiv -- In which the Man of the Hill concludes his history.
-
-Chapter xv -- A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse
-between Mr Jones and the Man of the Hill.
-
-
-BOOK IX -- CONTAINING TWELVE HOURS.
-
-Chapter i -- Of those who lawfully may, and of those who may not,
-write such histories as this.
-
-Chapter ii -- Containing a very surprizing adventure indeed, which Mr
-Jones met with in his walk with the Man of the Hill.
-
-Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Jones with his lady at the inn; with
-a very full description of the battle of Upton.
-
-Chapter iv -- In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to
-hostilities, and causes the conclusion of a firm and lasting peace
-between all parties.
-
-Chapter v -- An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a
-description of a battle of the amorous kind.
-
-Chapter vi -- A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very
-common, though not very friendly, conclusion.
-
-Chapter vii -- Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what
-means she came into that distressful situation from which she was
-rescued by Jones.
-
-
-BOOK X -- IN WHICH THE HISTORY GOES FORWARD ABOUT TWELVE HOURS.
-
-Chapter i -- Containing instructions very necessary to be perused by
-modern critics.
-
-Chapter ii -- Containing the arrival of an Irish gentleman, with very
-extraordinary adventures which ensued at the inn.
-
-Chapter iii -- A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the
-chamber-maid, proper to be read by all inn-keepers and their servants;
-with the arrival, and affable behaviour of a beautiful young lady;
-which may teach persons of condition how they may acquire the love of
-the whole world.
-
-Chapter iv -- Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal
-disesteem and hatred.
-
-Chapter v -- Showing who the amiable lady, and her unamiable maid,
-were.
-
-Chapter vi -- Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of
-Partridge, the madness of Jones, and the folly of Fitzpatrick.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which are concluded the adventures that happened at
-the inn at Upton.
-
-Chapter viii -- In which the history goes backward.
-
-Chapter ix -- The escape of Sophia.
-
-
-BOOK XI -- CONTAINING ABOUT THREE DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- A crust for the critics.
-
-Chapter ii -- The adventures which Sophia met with after her leaving
-Upton.
-
-Chapter iii -- A very short chapter, in which however is a sun, a
-moon, a star, and an angel.
-
-Chapter iv -- The history of Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-Chapter v -- In which the history of Mrs Fitzpatrick is continued.
-
-Chapter vi -- In which the mistake of the landlord throws Sophia into
-a dreadful consternation.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which Mrs Fitzpatrick concludes her history.
-
-Chapter viii -- A dreadful alarm in the inn, with the arrival of an
-unexpected friend of Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-Chapter ix -- The morning introduced in some pretty writing. A
-stagecoach. The civility of chambermaids. The heroic temper of
-Sophia. Her generosity.  The return to it. The departure of the
-company, and their arrival at London; with some remarks for the use of
-travellers.
-
-Chapter x -- Containing a hint or two concerning virtue, and a few
-more concerning suspicion.
-
-
-BOOK XII -- CONTAINING THE SAME INDIVIDUAL TIME WITH THE FORMER.
-
-Chapter i -- Showing what is to be deemed plagiarism in a modern
-author, and what is to be considered as lawful prize.
-
-Chapter ii -- In which, though the squire doth not find his daughter,
-something is found which puts an end to his pursuit.
-
-Chapter iii -- The departure of Jones from Upton, with what passed
-between him and Partridge on the road.
-
-Chapter iv -- The adventure of a beggar-man.
-
-Chapter v -- Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his
-companion met on the road.
-
-Chapter vi -- From which it may be inferred that the best things are
-liable to be misunderstood and misinterpreted.
-
-Chapter vii -- Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of
-the good company assembled in the kitchen.
-
-Chapter viii -- In which fortune seems to have been in a better humour
-with Jones than we have hitherto seen her.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing little more than a few odd observations.
-
-Chapter x -- In which Mr Jones and Mr Dowling drink a bottle together.
-
-Chapter xi -- The disasters which befel Jones on his departure for
-Coventry; with the sage remarks of Partridge.
-
-Chapter xii -- Relates that Mr Jones continued his journey, contrary
-to the advice of Partridge, with what happened on that occasion.
-
-Chapter xiii -- A dialogue between Jones and Partridge.
-
-Chapter xiv -- What happened to Mr Jones in his journey from St
-Albans.
-
-
-BOOK XIII -- CONTAINING THE SPACE OF TWELVE DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- An Invocation.
-
-Chapter ii -- What befel Mr Jones on his arrival in London.
-
-Chapter iii -- A project of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and her visit to Lady
-Bellaston.
-
-Chapter iv -- Which consists of visiting.
-
-Chapter v -- An adventure which happened to Mr Jones at his lodgings,
-with some account of a young gentleman who lodged there, and of the
-mistress of the house, and her two daughters.
-
-Chapter vi -- What arrived while the company were at breakfast, with
-some hints concerning the government of daughters.
-
-Chapter vii -- Containing the whole humours of a masquerade.
-
-Chapter viii -- Containing a scene of distress, which will appear very
-extraordinary to most of our readers.
-
-Chapter ix -- Which treats of matters of a very different kind from
-those in the preceding chapter.
-
-Chapter x -- A chapter which, though short, may draw tears from some
-eyes.
-
-Chapter xi -- In which the reader will be surprized.
-
-Chapter xii -- In which the thirteenth book is concluded.
-
-
-BOOK XIV -- CONTAINING TWO DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- An essay to prove that an author will write the better
-for having some knowledge of the subject on which he writes.
-
-Chapter ii -- Containing letters and other matters which attend
-amours.
-
-Chapter iii -- Containing various matters.
-
-Chapter iv -- Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young
-people of both sexes.
-
-Chapter v -- A short account of the history of Mrs Miller.
-
-Chapter vi -- Containing a scene which we doubt not will affect all
-our readers.
-
-Chapter vii -- The interview between Mr Jones and Mr Nightingale.
-
-Chapter viii -- What passed between Jones and old Mr Nightingale; with
-the arrival of a person not yet mentioned in this history.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing strange matters.
-
-Chapter x -- A short chapter, which concludes the book.
-
-
-BOOK XV -- IN WHICH THE HISTORY ADVANCES ABOUT TWO DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- Too short to need a preface.
-
-Chapter ii -- In which is opened a very black design against Sophia.
-
-Chapter iii -- A further explanation of the foregoing design.
-
-Chapter iv -- By which it will appear how dangerous an advocate a lady
-is when she applies her eloquence to an ill purpose.
-
-Chapter v -- Containing some matters which may affect, and others
-which may surprize, the reader.
-
-Chapter vi -- By what means the squire came to discover his daughter.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which various misfortunes befel poor Jones.
-
-Chapter viii -- Short and sweet.
-
-Chapter ix -- Containing love-letters of several sorts.
-
-Chapter x -- Consisting partly of facts, and partly of observations
-upon them.
-
-Chapter xi -- Containing curious, but not unprecedented matter.
-
-Chapter xii -- A discovery made by Partridge.
-
-
-BOOK XVI -- CONTAINING THE SPACE OF FIVE DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- Of prologues.
-
-Chapter ii -- A whimsical adventure which befel the squire, with the
-distressed situation of Sophia.
-
-Chapter iii -- What happened to Sophia during her confinement.
-
-Chapter iv -- In which Sophia is delivered from her confinement.
-
-Chapter v -- In which Jones receives a letter from Sophia, and goes to
-a play with Mrs Miller and Partridge.
-
-Chapter vi -- In which the history is obliged to look back.
-
-Chapter vii -- In which Mr Western pays a visit to his sister, in
-company with Mr Blifil.
-
-Chapter viii -- Schemes of Lady Bellaston for the ruin of Jones.
-
-Chapter ix -- In which Jones pays a visit to Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-Chapter x -- The consequence of the preceding visit.
-
-
-BOOK XVII -- CONTAINING THREE DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- Containing a portion of introductory writing.
-
-Chapter ii -- The generous and grateful behaviour of Mrs Miller.
-
-Chapter iii -- The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning
-the paternal authority.
-
-Chapter iv -- An extraordinary scene between Sophia and her aunt.
-
-Chapter v -- Mrs Miller and Mr Nightingale visit Jones in the prison.
-
-Chapter vi -- In which Mrs Miller pays a visit to Sophia.
-
-Chapter vii -- A pathetic scene between Mr Allworthy and Mrs Miller.
-
-Chapter viii -- Containing various matters.
-
-Chapter ix -- What happened to Mr Jones in the prison.
-
-
-BOOK XVIII -- CONTAINING ABOUT SIX DAYS.
-
-Chapter i -- A farewel to the reader.
-
-Chapter ii -- Containing a very tragical incident.
-
-Chapter iii -- Allworthy visits old Nightingale; with a strange
-discovery that he made on that occasion.
-
-Chapter iv -- Containing two letters in very different stiles.
-
-Chapter v -- In which the history is continued.
-
-Chapter vi -- In which the history is farther continued.
-
-Chapter vii -- Continuation of the history.
-
-Chapter viii -- Further continuation.
-
-Chapter ix -- A further continuation.
-
-Chapter x -- Wherein the history begins to draw towards a conclusion.
-
-Chapter xi -- The history draws nearer to a conclusion.
-
-Chapter xii -- Approaching still nearer to the end.
-
-Chapter the last -- In which the history is concluded.
-
-
-
-
-
-To the Honourable
-
-GEORGE LYTTLETON, ESQ;
-
-One of the Lords Commissioners of the Treasury.
-
-Sir,
-
-Notwithstanding your constant refusal, when I have asked leave to
-prefix your name to this dedication, I must still insist on my right
-to desire your protection of this work.
-
-To you, Sir, it is owing that this history was ever begun. It was by
-your desire that I first thought of such a composition. So many years
-have since past, that you may have, perhaps, forgotten this
-circumstance: but your desires are to me in the nature of commands;
-and the impression of them is never to be erased from my memory.
-
-Again, Sir, without your assistance this history had never been
-completed. Be not startled at the assertion. I do not intend to draw
-on you the suspicion of being a romance writer. I mean no more than
-that I partly owe to you my existence during great part of the time
-which I have employed in composing it: another matter which it may be
-necessary to remind you of; since there are certain actions of which
-you are apt to be extremely forgetful; but of these I hope I shall
-always have a better memory than yourself.
-
-Lastly, It is owing to you that the history appears what it now is. If
-there be in this work, as some have been pleased to say, a stronger
-picture of a truly benevolent mind than is to be found in any other,
-who that knows you, and a particular acquaintance of yours, will doubt
-whence that benevolence hath been copied? The world will not, I
-believe, make me the compliment of thinking I took it from myself. I
-care not: this they shall own, that the two persons from whom I have
-taken it, that is to say, two of the best and worthiest men in the
-world, are strongly and zealously my friends. I might be contented
-with this, and yet my vanity will add a third to the number; and him
-one of the greatest and noblest, not only in his rank, but in every
-public and private virtue. But here, whilst my gratitude for the
-princely benefactions of the Duke of Bedford bursts from my heart, you
-must forgive my reminding you that it was you who first recommended me
-to the notice of my benefactor.
-
-And what are your objections to the allowance of the honour which I
-have sollicited? Why, you have commended the book so warmly, that you
-should be ashamed of reading your name before the dedication. Indeed,
-sir, if the book itself doth not make you ashamed of your
-commendations, nothing that I can here write will, or ought. I am not
-to give up my right to your protection and patronage, because you have
-commended my book: for though I acknowledge so many obligations to
-you, I do not add this to the number; in which friendship, I am
-convinced, hath so little share: since that can neither biass your
-judgment, nor pervert your integrity. An enemy may at any time obtain
-your commendation by only deserving it; and the utmost which the
-faults of your friends can hope for, is your silence; or, perhaps, if
-too severely accused, your gentle palliation.
-
-In short, sir, I suspect, that your dislike of public praise is your
-true objection to granting my request. I have observed that you have,
-in common with my two other friends, an unwillingness to hear the
-least mention of your own virtues; that, as a great poet says of one
-of you, (he might justly have said it of all three), you
-
-     _Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame_.
-
-If men of this disposition are as careful to shun applause, as others
-are to escape censure, how just must be your apprehension of your
-character falling into my hands; since what would not a man have
-reason to dread, if attacked by an author who had received from him
-injuries equal to my obligations to you!
-
-And will not this dread of censure increase in proportion to the
-matter which a man is conscious of having afforded for it? If his
-whole life, for instance, should have been one continued subject of
-satire, he may well tremble when an incensed satirist takes him in
-hand. Now, sir, if we apply this to your modest aversion to panegyric,
-how reasonable will your fears of me appear!
-
-Yet surely you might have gratified my ambition, from this single
-confidence, that I shall always prefer the indulgence of your
-inclinations to the satisfaction of my own. A very strong instance of
-which I shall give you in this address, in which I am determined to
-follow the example of all other dedicators, and will consider not what
-my patron really deserves to have written, but what he will be best
-pleased to read.
-
-Without further preface then, I here present you with the labours of
-some years of my life. What merit these labours have is already known
-to yourself. If, from your favourable judgment, I have conceived some
-esteem for them, it cannot be imputed to vanity; since I should have
-agreed as implicitly to your opinion, had it been given in favour of
-any other man's production. Negatively, at least, I may be allowed to
-say, that had I been sensible of any great demerit in the work, you
-are the last person to whose protection I would have ventured to
-recommend it.
-
-From the name of my patron, indeed, I hope my reader will be
-convinced, at his very entrance on this work, that he will find in the
-whole course of it nothing prejudicial to the cause of religion and
-virtue, nothing inconsistent with the strictest rules of decency, nor
-which can offend even the chastest eye in the perusal. On the
-contrary, I declare, that to recommend goodness and innocence hath
-been my sincere endeavour in this history. This honest purpose you
-have been pleased to think I have attained: and to say the truth, it
-is likeliest to be attained in books of this kind; for an example is a
-kind of picture, in which virtue becomes, as it were, an object of
-sight, and strikes us with an idea of that loveliness, which Plato
-asserts there is in her naked charms.
-
-Besides displaying that beauty of virtue which may attract the
-admiration of mankind, I have attempted to engage a stronger motive to
-human action in her favour, by convincing men, that their true
-interest directs them to a pursuit of her. For this purpose I have
-shown that no acquisitions of guilt can compensate the loss of that
-solid inward comfort of mind, which is the sure companion of innocence
-and virtue; nor can in the least balance the evil of that horror and
-anxiety which, in their room, guilt introduces into our bosoms. And
-again, that as these acquisitions are in themselves generally
-worthless, so are the means to attain them not only base and infamous,
-but at best incertain, and always full of danger. Lastly, I have
-endeavoured strongly to inculcate, that virtue and innocence can
-scarce ever be injured but by indiscretion; and that it is this alone
-which often betrays them into the snares that deceit and villainy
-spread for them. A moral which I have the more industriously laboured,
-as the teaching it is, of all others, the likeliest to be attended
-with success; since, I believe, it is much easier to make good men
-wise, than to make bad men good.
-
-For these purposes I have employed all the wit and humour of which I
-am master in the following history; wherein I have endeavoured to
-laugh mankind out of their favourite follies and vices. How far I have
-succeeded in this good attempt, I shall submit to the candid reader,
-with only two requests: First, that he will not expect to find
-perfection in this work; and Secondly, that he will excuse some parts
-of it, if they fall short of that little merit which I hope may appear
-in others.
-
-I will detain you, sir, no longer. Indeed I have run into a preface,
-while I professed to write a dedication. But how can it be otherwise?
-I dare not praise you; and the only means I know of to avoid it, when
-you are in my thoughts, are either to be entirely silent, or to turn
-my thoughts to some other subject.
-
-Pardon, therefore, what I have said in this epistle, not only without
-your consent, but absolutely against it; and give me at least leave,
-in this public manner, to declare that I am, with the highest respect
-and gratitude,--
-
-Sir,
-
-Your most obliged,
-
-Obedient, humble servant,
-
-HENRY FIELDING.
-
-
-
-
-
-THE HISTORY OF TOM JONES, A FOUNDLING.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK I.
-
-CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF THE FOUNDLING AS IS NECESSARY OR
-PROPER TO ACQUAINT THE READER WITH IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS HISTORY.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-The introduction to the work, or bill of fare to the feast.
-
-
-An author ought to consider himself, not as a gentleman who gives a
-private or eleemosynary treat, but rather as one who keeps a public
-ordinary, at which all persons are welcome for their money. In the
-former case, it is well known that the entertainer provides what fare
-he pleases; and though this should be very indifferent, and utterly
-disagreeable to the taste of his company, they must not find any
-fault; nay, on the contrary, good breeding forces them outwardly to
-approve and to commend whatever is set before them. Now the contrary
-of this happens to the master of an ordinary. Men who pay for what
-they eat will insist on gratifying their palates, however nice and
-whimsical these may prove; and if everything is not agreeable to their
-taste, will challenge a right to censure, to abuse, and to d--n their
-dinner without controul.
-
-To prevent, therefore, giving offence to their customers by any such
-disappointment, it hath been usual with the honest and well-meaning
-host to provide a bill of fare which all persons may peruse at their
-first entrance into the house; and having thence acquainted themselves
-with the entertainment which they may expect, may either stay and
-regale with what is provided for them, or may depart to some other
-ordinary better accommodated to their taste.
-
-As we do not disdain to borrow wit or wisdom from any man who is
-capable of lending us either, we have condescended to take a hint from
-these honest victuallers, and shall prefix not only a general bill of
-fare to our whole entertainment, but shall likewise give the reader
-particular bills to every course which is to be served up in this and
-the ensuing volumes.
-
-The provision, then, which we have here made is no other than _Human
-Nature_. Nor do I fear that my sensible reader, though most luxurious
-in his taste, will start, cavil, or be offended, because I have named
-but one article. The tortoise--as the alderman of Bristol, well
-learned in eating, knows by much experience--besides the delicious
-calipash and calipee, contains many different kinds of food; nor can
-the learned reader be ignorant, that in human nature, though here
-collected under one general name, is such prodigious variety, that a
-cook will have sooner gone through all the several species of animal
-and vegetable food in the world, than an author will be able to
-exhaust so extensive a subject.
-
-An objection may perhaps be apprehended from the more delicate, that
-this dish is too common and vulgar; for what else is the subject of
-all the romances, novels, plays, and poems, with which the stalls
-abound? Many exquisite viands might be rejected by the epicure, if it
-was a sufficient cause for his contemning of them as common and
-vulgar, that something was to be found in the most paltry alleys under
-the same name. In reality, true nature is as difficult to be met with
-in authors, as the Bayonne ham, or Bologna sausage, is to be found in
-the shops.
-
-But the whole, to continue the same metaphor, consists in the cookery
-of the author; for, as Mr Pope tells us--
-
-    "True wit is nature to advantage drest;
-    What oft was thought, but ne'er so well exprest."
-
-The same animal which hath the honour to have some part of his flesh
-eaten at the table of a duke, may perhaps be degraded in another part,
-and some of his limbs gibbeted, as it were, in the vilest stall in
-town. Where, then, lies the difference between the food of the
-nobleman and the porter, if both are at dinner on the same ox or calf,
-but in the seasoning, the dressing, the garnishing, and the setting
-forth? Hence the one provokes and incites the most languid appetite,
-and the other turns and palls that which is the sharpest and keenest.
-
-In like manner, the excellence of the mental entertainment consists
-less in the subject than in the author's skill in well dressing it up.
-How pleased, therefore, will the reader be to find that we have, in
-the following work, adhered closely to one of the highest principles
-of the best cook which the present age, or perhaps that of
-Heliogabalus, hath produced. This great man, as is well known to all
-lovers of polite eating, begins at first by setting plain things
-before his hungry guests, rising afterwards by degrees as their
-stomachs may be supposed to decrease, to the very quintessence of
-sauce and spices. In like manner, we shall represent human nature at
-first to the keen appetite of our reader, in that more plain and
-simple manner in which it is found in the country, and shall hereafter
-hash and ragoo it with all the high French and Italian seasoning of
-affectation and vice which courts and cities afford. By these means,
-we doubt not but our reader may be rendered desirous to read on for
-ever, as the great person just above-mentioned is supposed to have
-made some persons eat.
-
-Having premised thus much, we will now detain those who like our bill
-of fare no longer from their diet, and shall proceed directly to serve
-up the first course of our history for their entertainment.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-A short description of squire Allworthy, and a fuller account of Miss
-Bridget Allworthy, his sister.
-
-
-In that part of the western division of this kingdom which is commonly
-called Somersetshire, there lately lived, and perhaps lives still, a
-gentleman whose name was Allworthy, and who might well be called the
-favourite of both nature and fortune; for both of these seem to have
-contended which should bless and enrich him most. In this contention,
-nature may seem to some to have come off victorious, as she bestowed
-on him many gifts, while fortune had only one gift in her power; but
-in pouring forth this, she was so very profuse, that others perhaps
-may think this single endowment to have been more than equivalent to
-all the various blessings which he enjoyed from nature. From the
-former of these, he derived an agreeable person, a sound constitution,
-a solid understanding, and a benevolent heart; by the latter, he was
-decreed to the inheritance of one of the largest estates in the
-county.
-
-This gentleman had in his youth married a very worthy and beautiful
-woman, of whom he had been extremely fond: by her he had three
-children, all of whom died in their infancy. He had likewise had the
-misfortune of burying this beloved wife herself, about five years
-before the time in which this history chuses to set out. This loss,
-however great, he bore like a man of sense and constancy, though it
-must be confest he would often talk a little whimsically on this head;
-for he sometimes said he looked on himself as still married, and
-considered his wife as only gone a little before him, a journey which
-he should most certainly, sooner or later, take after her; and that he
-had not the least doubt of meeting her again in a place where he
-should never part with her more--sentiments for which his sense was
-arraigned by one part of his neighbours, his religion by a second, and
-his sincerity by a third.
-
-He now lived, for the most part, retired in the country, with one
-sister, for whom he had a very tender affection. This lady was now
-somewhat past the age of thirty, an aera at which, in the opinion of
-the malicious, the title of old maid may with no impropriety be
-assumed. She was of that species of women whom you commend rather for
-good qualities than beauty, and who are generally called, by their own
-sex, very good sort of women--as good a sort of woman, madam, as you
-would wish to know. Indeed, she was so far from regretting want of
-beauty, that she never mentioned that perfection, if it can be called
-one, without contempt; and would often thank God she was not as
-handsome as Miss Such-a-one, whom perhaps beauty had led into errors
-which she might have otherwise avoided. Miss Bridget Allworthy (for
-that was the name of this lady) very rightly conceived the charms of
-person in a woman to be no better than snares for herself, as well as
-for others; and yet so discreet was she in her conduct, that her
-prudence was as much on the guard as if she had all the snares to
-apprehend which were ever laid for her whole sex. Indeed, I have
-observed, though it may seem unaccountable to the reader, that this
-guard of prudence, like the trained bands, is always readiest to go on
-duty where there is the least danger. It often basely and cowardly
-deserts those paragons for whom the men are all wishing, sighing,
-dying, and spreading every net in their power; and constantly attends
-at the heels of that higher order of women for whom the other sex have
-a more distant and awful respect, and whom (from despair, I suppose,
-of success) they never venture to attack.
-
-Reader, I think proper, before we proceed any farther together, to
-acquaint thee that I intend to digress, through this whole history, as
-often as I see occasion, of which I am myself a better judge than any
-pitiful critic whatever; and here I must desire all those critics to
-mind their own business, and not to intermeddle with affairs or works
-which no ways concern them; for till they produce the authority by
-which they are constituted judges, I shall not plead to their
-jurisdiction.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-An odd accident which befel Mr Allworthy at his return home. The
-decent behaviour of Mrs Deborah Wilkins, with some proper
-animadversions on bastards.
-
-
-I have told my reader, in the preceding chapter, that Mr Allworthy
-inherited a large fortune; that he had a good heart, and no family.
-Hence, doubtless, it will be concluded by many that he lived like an
-honest man, owed no one a shilling, took nothing but what was his own,
-kept a good house, entertained his neighbours with a hearty welcome at
-his table, and was charitable to the poor, i.e. to those who had
-rather beg than work, by giving them the offals from it; that he died
-immensely rich and built an hospital.
-
-And true it is that he did many of these things; but had he done
-nothing more I should have left him to have recorded his own merit on
-some fair freestone over the door of that hospital. Matters of a much
-more extraordinary kind are to be the subject of this history, or I
-should grossly mis-spend my time in writing so voluminous a work; and
-you, my sagacious friend, might with equal profit and pleasure travel
-through some pages which certain droll authors have been facetiously
-pleased to call _The History of England_.
-
-Mr Allworthy had been absent a full quarter of a year in London, on
-some very particular business, though I know not what it was; but
-judge of its importance by its having detained him so long from home,
-whence he had not been absent a month at a time during the space of
-many years. He came to his house very late in the evening, and after a
-short supper with his sister, retired much fatigued to his chamber.
-Here, having spent some minutes on his knees--a custom which he never
-broke through on any account--he was preparing to step into bed, when,
-upon opening the cloathes, to his great surprize he beheld an infant,
-wrapt up in some coarse linen, in a sweet and profound sleep, between
-his sheets. He stood some time lost in astonishment at this sight;
-but, as good nature had always the ascendant in his mind, he soon
-began to be touched with sentiments of compassion for the little
-wretch before him. He then rang his bell, and ordered an elderly
-woman-servant to rise immediately, and come to him; and in the
-meantime was so eager in contemplating the beauty of innocence,
-appearing in those lively colours with which infancy and sleep always
-display it, that his thoughts were too much engaged to reflect that he
-was in his shirt when the matron came in. She had indeed given her
-master sufficient time to dress himself; for out of respect to him,
-and regard to decency, she had spent many minutes in adjusting her
-hair at the looking-glass, notwithstanding all the hurry in which she
-had been summoned by the servant, and though her master, for aught she
-knew, lay expiring in an apoplexy, or in some other fit.
-
-It will not be wondered at that a creature who had so strict a regard
-to decency in her own person, should be shocked at the least deviation
-from it in another. She therefore no sooner opened the door, and saw
-her master standing by the bedside in his shirt, with a candle in his
-hand, than she started back in a most terrible fright, and might
-perhaps have swooned away, had he not now recollected his being
-undrest, and put an end to her terrors by desiring her to stay without
-the door till he had thrown some cloathes over his back, and was
-become incapable of shocking the pure eyes of Mrs Deborah Wilkins,
-who, though in the fifty-second year of her age, vowed she had never
-beheld a man without his coat. Sneerers and prophane wits may perhaps
-laugh at her first fright; yet my graver reader, when he considers the
-time of night, the summons from her bed, and the situation in which
-she found her master, will highly justify and applaud her conduct,
-unless the prudence which must be supposed to attend maidens at that
-period of life at which Mrs Deborah had arrived, should a little
-lessen his admiration.
-
-When Mrs Deborah returned into the room, and was acquainted by her
-master with the finding the little infant, her consternation was
-rather greater than his had been; nor could she refrain from crying
-out, with great horror of accent as well as look, "My good sir! what's
-to be done?" Mr Allworthy answered, she must take care of the child
-that evening, and in the morning he would give orders to provide it a
-nurse. "Yes, sir," says she; "and I hope your worship will send out
-your warrant to take up the hussy its mother, for she must be one of
-the neighbourhood; and I should be glad to see her committed to
-Bridewell, and whipt at the cart's tail. Indeed, such wicked sluts
-cannot be too severely punished. I'll warrant 'tis not her first, by
-her impudence in laying it to your worship." "In laying it to me,
-Deborah!" answered Allworthy: "I can't think she hath any such design.
-I suppose she hath only taken this method to provide for her child;
-and truly I am glad she hath not done worse." "I don't know what is
-worse," cries Deborah, "than for such wicked strumpets to lay their
-sins at honest men's doors; and though your worship knows your own
-innocence, yet the world is censorious; and it hath been many an
-honest man's hap to pass for the father of children he never begot;
-and if your worship should provide for the child, it may make the
-people the apter to believe; besides, why should your worship provide
-for what the parish is obliged to maintain? For my own part, if it was
-an honest man's child, indeed--but for my own part, it goes against me
-to touch these misbegotten wretches, whom I don't look upon as my
-fellow-creatures. Faugh! how it stinks! It doth not smell like a
-Christian. If I might be so bold to give my advice, I would have it
-put in a basket, and sent out and laid at the churchwarden's door. It
-is a good night, only a little rainy and windy; and if it was well
-wrapt up, and put in a warm basket, it is two to one but it lives till
-it is found in the morning. But if it should not, we have discharged
-our duty in taking proper care of it; and it is, perhaps, better for
-such creatures to die in a state of innocence, than to grow up and
-imitate their mothers; for nothing better can be expected of them."
-
-There were some strokes in this speech which perhaps would have
-offended Mr Allworthy, had he strictly attended to it; but he had now
-got one of his fingers into the infant's hand, which, by its gentle
-pressure, seeming to implore his assistance, had certainly out-pleaded
-the eloquence of Mrs Deborah, had it been ten times greater than it
-was. He now gave Mrs Deborah positive orders to take the child to her
-own bed, and to call up a maid-servant to provide it pap, and other
-things, against it waked. He likewise ordered that proper cloathes
-should be procured for it early in the morning, and that it should be
-brought to himself as soon as he was stirring.
-
-Such was the discernment of Mrs Wilkins, and such the respect she bore
-her master, under whom she enjoyed a most excellent place, that her
-scruples gave way to his peremptory commands; and she took the child
-under her arms, without any apparent disgust at the illegality of its
-birth; and declaring it was a sweet little infant, walked off with it
-to her own chamber.
-
-Allworthy here betook himself to those pleasing slumbers which a heart
-that hungers after goodness is apt to enjoy when thoroughly satisfied.
-As these are possibly sweeter than what are occasioned by any other
-hearty meal, I should take more pains to display them to the reader,
-if I knew any air to recommend him to for the procuring such an
-appetite.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-The reader's neck brought into danger by a description; his escape;
-and the great condescension of Miss Bridget Allworthy.
-
-
-The Gothic stile of building could produce nothing nobler than Mr
-Allworthy's house. There was an air of grandeur in it that struck you
-with awe, and rivalled the beauties of the best Grecian architecture;
-and it was as commodious within as venerable without.
-
-It stood on the south-east side of a hill, but nearer the bottom than
-the top of it, so as to be sheltered from the north-east by a grove of
-old oaks which rose above it in a gradual ascent of near half a mile,
-and yet high enough to enjoy a most charming prospect of the valley
-beneath.
-
-In the midst of the grove was a fine lawn, sloping down towards the
-house, near the summit of which rose a plentiful spring, gushing out
-of a rock covered with firs, and forming a constant cascade of about
-thirty feet, not carried down a regular flight of steps, but tumbling
-in a natural fall over the broken and mossy stones till it came to the
-bottom of the rock, then running off in a pebly channel, that with
-many lesser falls winded along, till it fell into a lake at the foot
-of the hill, about a quarter of a mile below the house on the south
-side, and which was seen from every room in the front. Out of this
-lake, which filled the center of a beautiful plain, embellished with
-groups of beeches and elms, and fed with sheep, issued a river, that
-for several miles was seen to meander through an amazing variety of
-meadows and woods till it emptied itself into the sea, with a large
-arm of which, and an island beyond it, the prospect was closed.
-
-On the right of this valley opened another of less extent, adorned
-with several villages, and terminated by one of the towers of an old
-ruined abby, grown over with ivy, and part of the front, which
-remained still entire.
-
-The left-hand scene presented the view of a very fine park, composed
-of very unequal ground, and agreeably varied with all the diversity
-that hills, lawns, wood, and water, laid out with admirable taste, but
-owing less to art than to nature, could give. Beyond this, the country
-gradually rose into a ridge of wild mountains, the tops of which were
-above the clouds.
-
-It was now the middle of May, and the morning was remarkably serene,
-when Mr Allworthy walked forth on the terrace, where the dawn opened
-every minute that lovely prospect we have before described to his eye;
-and now having sent forth streams of light, which ascended the blue
-firmament before him, as harbingers preceding his pomp, in the full
-blaze of his majesty rose the sun, than which one object alone in this
-lower creation could be more glorious, and that Mr Allworthy himself
-presented--a human being replete with benevolence, meditating in what
-manner he might render himself most acceptable to his Creator, by
-doing most good to his creatures.
-
-Reader, take care. I have unadvisedly led thee to the top of as high a
-hill as Mr Allworthy's, and how to get thee down without breaking thy
-neck, I do not well know. However, let us e'en venture to slide down
-together; for Miss Bridget rings her bell, and Mr Allworthy is
-summoned to breakfast, where I must attend, and, if you please, shall
-be glad of your company.
-
-The usual compliments having past between Mr Allworthy and Miss
-Bridget, and the tea being poured out, he summoned Mrs Wilkins, and
-told his sister he had a present for her, for which she thanked
-him--imagining, I suppose, it had been a gown, or some ornament for
-her person. Indeed, he very often made her such presents; and she, in
-complacence to him, spent much time in adorning herself. I say in
-complacence to him, because she always exprest the greatest contempt
-for dress, and for those ladies who made it their study.
-
-But if such was her expectation, how was she disappointed when Mrs
-Wilkins, according to the order she had received from her master,
-produced the little infant? Great surprizes, as hath been observed,
-are apt to be silent; and so was Miss Bridget, till her brother began,
-and told her the whole story, which, as the reader knows it already,
-we shall not repeat.
-
-Miss Bridget had always exprest so great a regard for what the ladies
-are pleased to call virtue, and had herself maintained such a severity
-of character, that it was expected, especially by Wilkins, that she
-would have vented much bitterness on this occasion, and would have
-voted for sending the child, as a kind of noxious animal, immediately
-out of the house; but, on the contrary, she rather took the
-good-natured side of the question, intimated some compassion for the
-helpless little creature, and commended her brother's charity in what
-he had done.
-
-Perhaps the reader may account for this behaviour from her
-condescension to Mr Allworthy, when we have informed him that the good
-man had ended his narrative with owning a resolution to take care of
-the child, and to breed him up as his own; for, to acknowledge the
-truth, she was always ready to oblige her brother, and very seldom, if
-ever, contradicted his sentiments. She would, indeed, sometimes make a
-few observations, as that men were headstrong, and must have their own
-way, and would wish she had been blest with an independent fortune;
-but these were always vented in a low voice, and at the most amounted
-only to what is called muttering.
-
-However, what she withheld from the infant, she bestowed with the
-utmost profuseness on the poor unknown mother, whom she called an
-impudent slut, a wanton hussy, an audacious harlot, a wicked jade, a
-vile strumpet, with every other appellation with which the tongue of
-virtue never fails to lash those who bring a disgrace on the sex.
-
-A consultation was now entered into how to proceed in order to
-discover the mother. A scrutiny was first made into the characters of
-the female servants of the house, who were all acquitted by Mrs
-Wilkins, and with apparent merit; for she had collected them herself,
-and perhaps it would be difficult to find such another set of
-scarecrows.
-
-The next step was to examine among the inhabitants of the parish; and
-this was referred to Mrs Wilkins, who was to enquire with all
-imaginable diligence, and to make her report in the afternoon.
-
-Matters being thus settled, Mr Allworthy withdrew to his study, as was
-his custom, and left the child to his sister, who, at his desire, had
-undertaken the care of it.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Containing a few common matters, with a very uncommon observation upon
-them.
-
-
-When her master was departed, Mrs Deborah stood silent, expecting her
-cue from Miss Bridget; for as to what had past before her master, the
-prudent housekeeper by no means relied upon it, as she had often known
-the sentiments of the lady in her brother's absence to differ greatly
-from those which she had expressed in his presence. Miss Bridget did
-not, however, suffer her to continue long in this doubtful situation;
-for having looked some time earnestly at the child, as it lay asleep
-in the lap of Mrs Deborah, the good lady could not forbear giving it a
-hearty kiss, at the same time declaring herself wonderfully pleased
-with its beauty and innocence. Mrs Deborah no sooner observed this
-than she fell to squeezing and kissing, with as great raptures as
-sometimes inspire the sage dame of forty and five towards a youthful
-and vigorous bridegroom, crying out, in a shrill voice, "O, the dear
-little creature!--The dear, sweet, pretty creature! Well, I vow it is
-as fine a boy as ever was seen!"
-
-These exclamations continued till they were interrupted by the lady,
-who now proceeded to execute the commission given her by her brother,
-and gave orders for providing all necessaries for the child,
-appointing a very good room in the house for his nursery. Her orders
-were indeed so liberal, that, had it been a child of her own, she
-could not have exceeded them; but, lest the virtuous reader may
-condemn her for showing too great regard to a base-born infant, to
-which all charity is condemned by law as irreligious, we think proper
-to observe that she concluded the whole with saying, "Since it was her
-brother's whim to adopt the little brat, she supposed little master
-must be treated with great tenderness. For her part, she could not
-help thinking it was an encouragement to vice; but that she knew too
-much of the obstinacy of mankind to oppose any of their ridiculous
-humours."
-
-With reflections of this nature she usually, as has been hinted,
-accompanied every act of compliance with her brother's inclinations;
-and surely nothing could more contribute to heighten the merit of this
-compliance than a declaration that she knew, at the same time, the
-folly and unreasonableness of those inclinations to which she
-submitted. Tacit obedience implies no force upon the will, and
-consequently may be easily, and without any pains, preserved; but when
-a wife, a child, a relation, or a friend, performs what we desire,
-with grumbling and reluctance, with expressions of dislike and
-dissatisfaction, the manifest difficulty which they undergo must
-greatly enhance the obligation.
-
-As this is one of those deep observations which very few readers can
-be supposed capable of making themselves, I have thought proper to
-lend them my assistance; but this is a favour rarely to be expected in
-the course of my work. Indeed, I shall seldom or never so indulge him,
-unless in such instances as this, where nothing but the inspiration
-with which we writers are gifted, can possibly enable any one to make
-the discovery.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Mrs Deborah is introduced into the parish with a simile. A short
-account of Jenny Jones, with the difficulties and discouragements
-which may attend young women in the pursuit of learning.
-
-
-Mrs Deborah, having disposed of the child according to the will of her
-master, now prepared to visit those habitations which were supposed to
-conceal its mother.
-
-Not otherwise than when a kite, tremendous bird, is beheld by the
-feathered generation soaring aloft, and hovering over their heads, the
-amorous dove, and every innocent little bird, spread wide the alarm,
-and fly trembling to their hiding-places. He proudly beats the air,
-conscious of his dignity, and meditates intended mischief.
-
-So when the approach of Mrs Deborah was proclaimed through the street,
-all the inhabitants ran trembling into their houses, each matron
-dreading lest the visit should fall to her lot. She with stately steps
-proudly advances over the field: aloft she bears her towering head,
-filled with conceit of her own pre-eminence, and schemes to effect her
-intended discovery.
-
-The sagacious reader will not from this simile imagine these poor
-people had any apprehension of the design with which Mrs Wilkins was
-now coming towards them; but as the great beauty of the simile may
-possibly sleep these hundred years, till some future commentator shall
-take this work in hand, I think proper to lend the reader a little
-assistance in this place.
-
-It is my intention, therefore, to signify, that, as it is the nature
-of a kite to devour little birds, so is it the nature of such persons
-as Mrs Wilkins to insult and tyrannize over little people. This being
-indeed the means which they use to recompense to themselves their
-extreme servility and condescension to their superiors; for nothing
-can be more reasonable, than that slaves and flatterers should exact
-the same taxes on all below them, which they themselves pay to all
-above them.
-
-Whenever Mrs Deborah had occasion to exert any extraordinary
-condescension to Mrs Bridget, and by that means had a little soured
-her natural disposition, it was usual with her to walk forth among
-these people, in order to refine her temper, by venting, and, as it
-were, purging off all ill humours; on which account she was by no
-means a welcome visitant: to say the truth, she was universally
-dreaded and hated by them all.
-
-On her arrival in this place, she went immediately to the habitation
-of an elderly matron; to whom, as this matron had the good fortune to
-resemble herself in the comeliness of her person, as well as in her
-age, she had generally been more favourable than to any of the rest.
-To this woman she imparted what had happened, and the design upon
-which she was come thither that morning. These two began presently to
-scrutinize the characters of the several young girls who lived in any
-of those houses, and at last fixed their strongest suspicion on one
-Jenny Jones, who, they both agreed, was the likeliest person to have
-committed this fact.
-
-This Jenny Jones was no very comely girl, either in her face or
-person; but nature had somewhat compensated the want of beauty with
-what is generally more esteemed by those ladies whose judgment is
-arrived at years of perfect maturity, for she had given her a very
-uncommon share of understanding. This gift Jenny had a good deal
-improved by erudition. She had lived several years a servant with a
-schoolmaster, who, discovering a great quickness of parts in the girl,
-and an extraordinary desire of learning--for every leisure hour she
-was always found reading in the books of the scholars--had the
-good-nature, or folly--just as the reader pleases to call it--to
-instruct her so far, that she obtained a competent skill in the Latin
-language, and was, perhaps, as good a scholar as most of the young men
-of quality of the age. This advantage, however, like most others of an
-extraordinary kind, was attended with some small inconveniences: for
-as it is not to be wondered at, that a young woman so well
-accomplished should have little relish for the society of those whom
-fortune had made her equals, but whom education had rendered so much
-her inferiors; so is it matter of no greater astonishment, that this
-superiority in Jenny, together with that behaviour which is its
-certain consequence, should produce among the rest some little envy
-and ill-will towards her; and these had, perhaps, secretly burnt in
-the bosoms of her neighbours ever since her return from her service.
-
-Their envy did not, however, display itself openly, till poor Jenny,
-to the surprize of everybody, and to the vexation of all the young
-women in these parts, had publickly shone forth on a Sunday in a new
-silk gown, with a laced cap, and other proper appendages to these.
-
-The flame, which had before lain in embryo, now burst forth. Jenny
-had, by her learning, increased her own pride, which none of her
-neighbours were kind enough to feed with the honour she seemed to
-demand; and now, instead of respect and adoration, she gained nothing
-but hatred and abuse by her finery. The whole parish declared she
-could not come honestly by such things; and parents, instead of
-wishing their daughters the same, felicitated themselves that their
-children had them not.
-
-Hence, perhaps, it was, that the good woman first mentioned the name
-of this poor girl to Mrs Wilkins; but there was another circumstance
-that confirmed the latter in her suspicion; for Jenny had lately been
-often at Mr Allworthy's house. She had officiated as nurse to Miss
-Bridget, in a violent fit of illness, and had sat up many nights with
-that lady; besides which, she had been seen there the very day before
-Mr Allworthy's return, by Mrs Wilkins herself, though that sagacious
-person had not at first conceived any suspicion of her on that
-account: for, as she herself said, "She had always esteemed Jenny as a
-very sober girl (though indeed she knew very little of her), and had
-rather suspected some of those wanton trollops, who gave themselves
-airs, because, forsooth, they thought themselves handsome."
-
-Jenny was now summoned to appear in person before Mrs Deborah, which
-she immediately did. When Mrs Deborah, putting on the gravity of a
-judge, with somewhat more than his austerity, began an oration with
-the words, "You audacious strumpet!" in which she proceeded rather to
-pass sentence on the prisoner than to accuse her.
-
-Though Mrs Deborah was fully satisfied of the guilt of Jenny, from the
-reasons above shewn, it is possible Mr Allworthy might have required
-some stronger evidence to have convicted her; but she saved her
-accusers any such trouble, by freely confessing the whole fact with
-which she was charged.
-
-This confession, though delivered rather in terms of contrition, as it
-appeared, did not at all mollify Mrs Deborah, who now pronounced a
-second judgment against her, in more opprobrious language than before;
-nor had it any better success with the bystanders, who were now grown
-very numerous. Many of them cried out, "They thought what madam's silk
-gown would end in;" others spoke sarcastically of her learning. Not a
-single female was present but found some means of expressing her
-abhorrence of poor Jenny, who bore all very patiently, except the
-malice of one woman, who reflected upon her person, and tossing up her
-nose, said, "The man must have a good stomach who would give silk
-gowns for such sort of trumpery!" Jenny replied to this with a
-bitterness which might have surprized a judicious person, who had
-observed the tranquillity with which she bore all the affronts to her
-chastity; but her patience was perhaps tired out, for this is a virtue
-which is very apt to be fatigued by exercise.
-
-Mrs Deborah having succeeded beyond her hopes in her inquiry, returned
-with much triumph, and, at the appointed hour, made a faithful report
-to Mr Allworthy, who was much surprized at the relation; for he had
-heard of the extraordinary parts and improvements of this girl, whom
-he intended to have given in marriage, together with a small living,
-to a neighbouring curate. His concern, therefore, on this occasion,
-was at least equal to the satisfaction which appeared in Mrs Deborah,
-and to many readers may seem much more reasonable.
-
-Miss Bridget blessed herself, and said, "For her part, she should
-never hereafter entertain a good opinion of any woman." For Jenny
-before this had the happiness of being much in her good graces also.
-
-The prudent housekeeper was again dispatched to bring the unhappy
-culprit before Mr Allworthy, in order, not as it was hoped by some,
-and expected by all, to be sent to the house of correction, but to
-receive wholesome admonition and reproof; which those who relish that
-kind of instructive writing may peruse in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Containing such grave matter, that the reader cannot laugh once
-through the whole chapter, unless peradventure he should laugh at the
-author.
-
-
-When Jenny appeared, Mr Allworthy took her into his study, and spoke
-to her as follows: "You know, child, it is in my power as a
-magistrate, to punish you very rigorously for what you have done; and
-you will, perhaps, be the more apt to fear I should execute that
-power, because you have in a manner laid your sins at my door.
-
-"But, perhaps, this is one reason which hath determined me to act in a
-milder manner with you: for, as no private resentment should ever
-influence a magistrate, I will be so far from considering your having
-deposited the infant in my house as an aggravation of your offence,
-that I will suppose, in your favour, this to have proceeded from a
-natural affection to your child, since you might have some hopes to
-see it thus better provided for than was in the power of yourself, or
-its wicked father, to provide for it. I should indeed have been highly
-offended with you had you exposed the little wretch in the manner of
-some inhuman mothers, who seem no less to have abandoned their
-humanity, than to have parted with their chastity. It is the other
-part of your offence, therefore, upon which I intend to admonish you,
-I mean the violation of your chastity;--a crime, however lightly it
-may be treated by debauched persons, very heinous in itself, and very
-dreadful in its consequences.
-
-"The heinous nature of this offence must be sufficiently apparent to
-every Christian, inasmuch as it is committed in defiance of the laws
-of our religion, and of the express commands of Him who founded that
-religion.
-
-"And here its consequences may well be argued to be dreadful; for what
-can be more so, than to incur the divine displeasure, by the breach of
-the divine commands; and that in an instance against which the highest
-vengeance is specifically denounced?
-
-"But these things, though too little, I am afraid, regarded, are so
-plain, that mankind, however they may want to be reminded, can never
-need information on this head. A hint, therefore, to awaken your sense
-of this matter, shall suffice; for I would inspire you with
-repentance, and not drive you to desperation.
-
-"There are other consequences, not indeed so dreadful or replete with
-horror as this; and yet such, as, if attentively considered, must, one
-would think, deter all of your sex at least from the commission of
-this crime.
-
-"For by it you are rendered infamous, and driven, like lepers of old,
-out of society; at least, from the society of all but wicked and
-reprobate persons; for no others will associate with you.
-
-"If you have fortunes, you are hereby rendered incapable of enjoying
-them; if you have none, you are disabled from acquiring any, nay
-almost of procuring your sustenance; for no persons of character will
-receive you into their houses. Thus you are often driven by necessity
-itself into a state of shame and misery, which unavoidably ends in the
-destruction of both body and soul.
-
-"Can any pleasure compensate these evils? Can any temptation have
-sophistry and delusion strong enough to persuade you to so simple a
-bargain? Or can any carnal appetite so overpower your reason, or so
-totally lay it asleep, as to prevent your flying with affright and
-terror from a crime which carries such punishment always with it?
-
-"How base and mean must that woman be, how void of that dignity of
-mind, and decent pride, without which we are not worthy the name of
-human creatures, who can bear to level herself with the lowest animal,
-and to sacrifice all that is great and noble in her, all her heavenly
-part, to an appetite which she hath in common with the vilest branch
-of the creation! For no woman, sure, will plead the passion of love
-for an excuse. This would be to own herself the mere tool and bubble
-of the man. Love, however barbarously we may corrupt and pervert its
-meaning, as it is a laudable, is a rational passion, and can never be
-violent but when reciprocal; for though the Scripture bids us love our
-enemies, it means not with that fervent love which we naturally bear
-towards our friends; much less that we should sacrifice to them our
-lives, and what ought to be dearer to us, our innocence. Now in what
-light, but that of an enemy, can a reasonable woman regard the man who
-solicits her to entail on herself all the misery I have described to
-you, and who would purchase to himself a short, trivial, contemptible
-pleasure, so greatly at her expense! For, by the laws of custom, the
-whole shame, with all its dreadful consequences, falls intirely upon
-her. Can love, which always seeks the good of its object, attempt to
-betray a woman into a bargain where she is so greatly to be the loser?
-If such corrupter, therefore, should have the impudence to pretend a
-real affection for her, ought not the woman to regard him not only as
-an enemy, but as the worst of all enemies, a false, designing,
-treacherous, pretended friend, who intends not only to debauch her
-body, but her understanding at the same time?"
-
-Here Jenny expressing great concern, Allworthy paused a moment, and
-then proceeded: "I have talked thus to you, child, not to insult you
-for what is past and irrevocable, but to caution and strengthen you
-for the future. Nor should I have taken this trouble, but from some
-opinion of your good sense, notwithstanding the dreadful slip you have
-made; and from some hopes of your hearty repentance, which are founded
-on the openness and sincerity of your confession. If these do not
-deceive me, I will take care to convey you from this scene of your
-shame, where you shall, by being unknown, avoid the punishment which,
-as I have said, is allotted to your crime in this world; and I hope,
-by repentance, you will avoid the much heavier sentence denounced
-against it in the other. Be a good girl the rest of your days, and
-want shall be no motive to your going astray; and, believe me, there
-is more pleasure, even in this world, in an innocent and virtuous
-life, than in one debauched and vicious.
-
-"As to your child, let no thoughts concerning it molest you; I will
-provide for it in a better manner than you can ever hope. And now
-nothing remains but that you inform me who was the wicked man that
-seduced you; for my anger against him will be much greater than you
-have experienced on this occasion."
-
-Jenny now lifted her eyes from the ground, and with a modest look and
-decent voice thus began:--
-
-"To know you, sir, and not love your goodness, would be an argument of
-total want of sense or goodness in any one. In me it would amount to
-the highest ingratitude, not to feel, in the most sensible manner, the
-great degree of goodness you have been pleased to exert on this
-occasion. As to my concern for what is past, I know you will spare my
-blushes the repetition. My future conduct will much better declare my
-sentiments than any professions I can now make. I beg leave to assure
-you, sir, that I take your advice much kinder than your generous offer
-with which you concluded it; for, as you are pleased to say, sir, it
-is an instance of your opinion of my understanding."--Here her tears
-flowing apace, she stopped a few moments, and then proceeded
-thus:--"Indeed, sir, your kindness overcomes me; but I will endeavour
-to deserve this good opinion: for if I have the understanding you are
-so kindly pleased to allow me, such advice cannot be thrown away upon
-me. I thank you, sir, heartily, for your intended kindness to my poor
-helpless child: he is innocent, and I hope will live to be grateful
-for all the favours you shall show him. But now, sir, I must on my
-knees entreat you not to persist in asking me to declare the father of
-my infant. I promise you faithfully you shall one day know; but I am
-under the most solemn ties and engagements of honour, as well as the
-most religious vows and protestations, to conceal his name at this
-time. And I know you too well, to think you would desire I should
-sacrifice either my honour or my religion."
-
-Mr Allworthy, whom the least mention of those sacred words was
-sufficient to stagger, hesitated a moment before he replied, and then
-told her, she had done wrong to enter into such engagements to a
-villain; but since she had, he could not insist on her breaking them.
-He said, it was not from a motive of vain curiosity he had inquired,
-but in order to punish the fellow; at least, that he might not
-ignorantly confer favours on the undeserving.
-
-As to these points, Jenny satisfied him by the most solemn assurances,
-that the man was entirely out of his reach; and was neither subject to
-his power, nor in any probability of becoming an object of his
-goodness.
-
-The ingenuity of this behaviour had gained Jenny so much credit with
-this worthy man, that he easily believed what she told him; for as she
-had disdained to excuse herself by a lie, and had hazarded his further
-displeasure in her present situation, rather than she would forfeit
-her honour or integrity by betraying another, he had but little
-apprehensions that she would be guilty of falsehood towards himself.
-
-He therefore dismissed her with assurances that he would very soon
-remove her out of the reach of that obloquy she had incurred;
-concluding with some additional documents, in which he recommended
-repentance, saying, "Consider, child, there is one still to reconcile
-yourself to, whose favour is of much greater importance to you than
-mine."
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah; containing more
-amusement, but less instruction, than the former.
-
-
-When Mr Allworthy had retired to his study with Jenny Jones, as hath
-been seen, Mrs Bridget, with the good housekeeper, had betaken
-themselves to a post next adjoining to the said study; whence, through
-the conveyance of a keyhole, they sucked in at their ears the
-instructive lecture delivered by Mr Allworthy, together with the
-answers of Jenny, and indeed every other particular which passed in
-the last chapter.
-
-This hole in her brother's study-door was indeed as well known to Mrs
-Bridget, and had been as frequently applied to by her, as the famous
-hole in the wall was by Thisbe of old. This served to many good
-purposes. For by such means Mrs Bridget became often acquainted with
-her brother's inclinations, without giving him the trouble of
-repeating them to her. It is true, some inconveniences attended this
-intercourse, and she had sometimes reason to cry out with Thisbe, in
-Shakspeare, "O, wicked, wicked wall!" For as Mr Allworthy was a
-justice of peace, certain things occurred in examinations concerning
-bastards, and such like, which are apt to give great offence to the
-chaste ears of virgins, especially when they approach the age of
-forty, as was the case of Mrs Bridget. However, she had, on such
-occasions, the advantage of concealing her blushes from the eyes of
-men; and _De non apparentibus, et non existentibus eadem est
-ratio_--in English, "When a woman is not seen to blush, she doth not
-blush at all."
-
-Both the good women kept strict silence during the whole scene between
-Mr Allworthy and the girl; but as soon as it was ended, and that
-gentleman was out of hearing, Mrs Deborah could not help exclaiming
-against the clemency of her master, and especially against his
-suffering her to conceal the father of the child, which she swore she
-would have out of her before the sun set.
-
-At these words Mrs Bridget discomposed her features with a smile (a
-thing very unusual to her). Not that I would have my reader imagine,
-that this was one of those wanton smiles which Homer would have you
-conceive came from Venus, when he calls her the laughter-loving
-goddess; nor was it one of those smiles which Lady Seraphina shoots
-from the stage-box, and which Venus would quit her immortality to be
-able to equal. No, this was rather one of those smiles which might be
-supposed to have come from the dimpled cheeks of the august Tisiphone,
-or from one of the misses, her sisters.
-
-With such a smile then, and with a voice sweet as the evening breeze
-of Boreas in the pleasant month of November, Mrs Bridget gently
-reproved the curiosity of Mrs Deborah; a vice with which it seems the
-latter was too much tainted, and which the former inveighed against
-with great bitterness, adding, "That, among all her faults, she
-thanked Heaven her enemies could not accuse her of prying into the
-affairs of other people."
-
-She then proceeded to commend the honour and spirit with which Jenny
-had acted. She said, she could not help agreeing with her brother,
-that there was some merit in the sincerity of her confession, and in
-her integrity to her lover: that she had always thought her a very
-good girl, and doubted not but she had been seduced by some rascal,
-who had been infinitely more to blame than herself, and very probably
-had prevailed with her by a promise of marriage, or some other
-treacherous proceeding.
-
-This behaviour of Mrs Bridget greatly surprised Mrs Deborah; for this
-well-bred woman seldom opened her lips, either to her master or his
-sister, till she had first sounded their inclinations, with which her
-sentiments were always consonant. Here, however, she thought she might
-have launched forth with safety; and the sagacious reader will not
-perhaps accuse her of want of sufficient forecast in so doing, but
-will rather admire with what wonderful celerity she tacked about, when
-she found herself steering a wrong course.
-
-"Nay, madam," said this able woman, and truly great politician, "I
-must own I cannot help admiring the girl's spirit, as well as your
-ladyship. And, as your ladyship says, if she was deceived by some
-wicked man, the poor wretch is to be pitied. And to be sure, as your
-ladyship says, the girl hath always appeared like a good, honest,
-plain girl, and not vain of her face, forsooth, as some wanton husseys
-in the neighbourhood are."
-
-"You say true, Deborah," said Miss Bridget. "If the girl had been one
-of those vain trollops, of which we have too many in the parish, I
-should have condemned my brother for his lenity towards her. I saw two
-farmers' daughters at church, the other day, with bare necks. I
-protest they shocked me. If wenches will hang out lures for fellows,
-it is no matter what they suffer. I detest such creatures; and it
-would be much better for them that their faces had been seamed with
-the smallpox; but I must confess, I never saw any of this wanton
-behaviour in poor Jenny: some artful villain, I am convinced, hath
-betrayed, nay perhaps forced her; and I pity the poor wretch with all
-my heart."
-
-Mrs Deborah approved all these sentiments, and the dialogue concluded
-with a general and bitter invective against beauty, and with many
-compassionate considerations for all honest plain girls who are
-deluded by the wicked arts of deceitful men.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing matters which will surprize the reader.
-
-
-Jenny returned home well pleased with the reception she had met with
-from Mr Allworthy, whose indulgence to her she industriously made
-public; partly perhaps as a sacrifice to her own pride, and partly
-from the more prudent motive of reconciling her neighbours to her, and
-silencing their clamours.
-
-But though this latter view, if she indeed had it, may appear
-reasonable enough, yet the event did not answer her expectation; for
-when she was convened before the justice, and it was universally
-apprehended that the house of correction would have been her fate,
-though some of the young women cryed out "It was good enough for her,"
-and diverted themselves with the thoughts of her beating hemp in a
-silk gown; yet there were many others who began to pity her condition:
-but when it was known in what manner Mr Allworthy had behaved, the
-tide turned against her. One said, "I'll assure you, madam hath had
-good luck." A second cryed, "See what it is to be a favourite!" A
-third, "Ay, this comes of her learning." Every person made some
-malicious comment or other on the occasion, and reflected on the
-partiality of the justice.
-
-The behaviour of these people may appear impolitic and ungrateful to
-the reader, who considers the power and benevolence of Mr Allworthy.
-But as to his power, he never used it; and as to his benevolence, he
-exerted so much, that he had thereby disobliged all his neighbours;
-for it is a secret well known to great men, that, by conferring an
-obligation, they do not always procure a friend, but are certain of
-creating many enemies.
-
-Jenny was, however, by the care and goodness of Mr Allworthy, soon
-removed out of the reach of reproach; when malice being no longer able
-to vent its rage on her, began to seek another object of its
-bitterness, and this was no less than Mr Allworthy, himself; for a
-whisper soon went abroad, that he himself was the father of the
-foundling child.
-
-This supposition so well reconciled his conduct to the general
-opinion, that it met with universal assent; and the outcry against his
-lenity soon began to take another turn, and was changed into an
-invective against his cruelty to the poor girl. Very grave and good
-women exclaimed against men who begot children, and then disowned
-them. Nor were there wanting some, who, after the departure of Jenny,
-insinuated that she was spirited away with a design too black to be
-mentioned, and who gave frequent hints that a legal inquiry ought to
-be made into the whole matter, and that some people should be forced
-to produce the girl.
-
-These calumnies might have probably produced ill consequences, at the
-least might have occasioned some trouble, to a person of a more
-doubtful and suspicious character than Mr Allworthy was blessed with;
-but in his case they had no such effect; and, being heartily despised
-by him, they served only to afford an innocent amusement to the good
-gossips of the neighbourhood.
-
-But as we cannot possibly divine what complection our reader may be
-of, and as it will be some time before he will hear any more of Jenny,
-we think proper to give him a very early intimation, that Mr Allworthy
-was, and will hereafter appear to be, absolutely innocent of any
-criminal intention whatever. He had indeed committed no other than an
-error in politics, by tempering justice with mercy, and by refusing to
-gratify the good-natured disposition of the mob,[*] with an object for
-their compassion to work on in the person of poor Jenny, whom, in
-order to pity, they desired to have seen sacrificed to ruin and
-infamy, by a shameful correction in Bridewell.
-
-  [*]Whenever this word occurs in our writings, it intends persons
-  without virtue or sense, in all stations; and many of the highest
-  rank are often meant by it.
-
-So far from complying with this their inclination, by which all hopes
-of reformation would have been abolished, and even the gate shut
-against her if her own inclinations should ever hereafter lead her to
-chuse the road of virtue, Mr Allworthy rather chose to encourage the
-girl to return thither by the only possible means; for too true I am
-afraid it is, that many women have become abandoned, and have sunk to
-the last degree of vice, by being unable to retrieve the first slip.
-This will be, I am afraid, always the case while they remain among
-their former acquaintance; it was therefore wisely done by Mr
-Allworthy, to remove Jenny to a place where she might enjoy the
-pleasure of reputation, after having tasted the ill consequences of
-losing it.
-
-To this place therefore, wherever it was, we will wish her a good
-journey, and for the present take leave of her, and of the little
-foundling her child, having matters of much higher importance to
-communicate to the reader.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-The hospitality of Allworthy; with a short sketch of the characters of
-two brothers, a doctor and a captain, who were entertained by that
-gentleman.
-
-
-Neither Mr Allworthy's house, nor his heart, were shut against any
-part of mankind, but they were both more particularly open to men of
-merit. To say the truth, this was the only house in the kingdom where
-you was sure to gain a dinner by deserving it.
-
-Above all others, men of genius and learning shared the principal
-place in his favour; and in these he had much discernment: for though
-he had missed the advantage of a learned education, yet, being blest
-with vast natural abilities, he had so well profited by a vigorous
-though late application to letters, and by much conversation with men
-of eminence in this way, that he was himself a very competent judge in
-most kinds of literature.
-
-It is no wonder that in an age when this kind of merit is so little in
-fashion, and so slenderly provided for, persons possessed of it should
-very eagerly flock to a place where they were sure of being received
-with great complaisance; indeed, where they might enjoy almost the
-same advantages of a liberal fortune as if they were entitled to it in
-their own right; for Mr Allworthy was not one of those generous
-persons who are ready most bountifully to bestow meat, drink, and
-lodging on men of wit and learning, for which they expect no other
-return but entertainment, instruction, flattery, and subserviency; in
-a word, that such persons should be enrolled in the number of
-domestics, without wearing their master's cloathes, or receiving
-wages.
-
-On the contrary, every person in this house was perfect master of his
-own time: and as he might at his pleasure satisfy all his appetites
-within the restrictions only of law, virtue, and religion; so he
-might, if his health required, or his inclination prompted him to
-temperance, or even to abstinence, absent himself from any meals, or
-retire from them, whenever he was so disposed, without even a
-sollicitation to the contrary: for, indeed, such sollicitations from
-superiors always savour very strongly of commands. But all here were
-free from such impertinence, not only those whose company is in all
-other places esteemed a favour from their equality of fortune, but
-even those whose indigent circumstances make such an eleemosynary
-abode convenient to them, and who are therefore less welcome to a
-great man's table because they stand in need of it.
-
-Among others of this kind was Dr Blifil, a gentleman who had the
-misfortune of losing the advantage of great talents by the obstinacy
-of a father, who would breed him to a profession he disliked. In
-obedience to this obstinacy the doctor had in his youth been obliged
-to study physic, or rather to say he studied it; for in reality books
-of this kind were almost the only ones with which he was unacquainted;
-and unfortunately for him, the doctor was master of almost every other
-science but that by which he was to get his bread; the consequence of
-which was, that the doctor at the age of forty had no bread to eat.
-
-Such a person as this was certain to find a welcome at Mr Allworthy's
-table, to whom misfortunes were ever a recommendation, when they were
-derived from the folly or villany of others, and not of the
-unfortunate person himself. Besides this negative merit, the doctor
-had one positive recommendation;--this was a great appearance of
-religion. Whether his religion was real, or consisted only in
-appearance, I shall not presume to say, as I am not possessed of any
-touchstone which can distinguish the true from the false.
-
-If this part of his character pleased Mr Allworthy, it delighted Miss
-Bridget. She engaged him in many religious controversies; on which
-occasions she constantly expressed great satisfaction in the doctor's
-knowledge, and not much less in the compliments which he frequently
-bestowed on her own. To say the truth, she had read much English
-divinity, and had puzzled more than one of the neighbouring curates.
-Indeed, her conversation was so pure, her looks so sage, and her whole
-deportment so grave and solemn, that she seemed to deserve the name of
-saint equally with her namesake, or with any other female in the Roman
-kalendar.
-
-As sympathies of all kinds are apt to beget love, so experience
-teaches us that none have a more direct tendency this way than those
-of a religious kind between persons of different sexes. The doctor
-found himself so agreeable to Miss Bridget, that he now began to
-lament an unfortunate accident which had happened to him about ten
-years before; namely, his marriage with another woman, who was not
-only still alive, but, what was worse, known to be so by Mr Allworthy.
-This was a fatal bar to that happiness which he otherwise saw
-sufficient probability of obtaining with this young lady; for as to
-criminal indulgences, he certainly never thought of them. This was
-owing either to his religion, as is most probable, or to the purity of
-his passion, which was fixed on those things which matrimony only, and
-not criminal correspondence, could put him in possession of, or could
-give him any title to.
-
-He had not long ruminated on these matters, before it occurred to his
-memory that he had a brother who was under no such unhappy incapacity.
-This brother he made no doubt would succeed; for he discerned, as he
-thought, an inclination to marriage in the lady; and the reader
-perhaps, when he hears the brother's qualifications, will not blame
-the confidence which he entertained of his success.
-
-This gentleman was about thirty-five years of age. He was of a middle
-size, and what is called well-built. He had a scar on his forehead,
-which did not so much injure his beauty as it denoted his valour (for
-he was a half-pay officer). He had good teeth, and something affable,
-when he pleased, in his smile; though naturally his countenance, as
-well as his air and voice, had much of roughness in it: yet he could
-at any time deposit this, and appear all gentleness and good-humour.
-He was not ungenteel, nor entirely devoid of wit, and in his youth had
-abounded in sprightliness, which, though he had lately put on a more
-serious character, he could, when he pleased, resume.
-
-He had, as well as the doctor, an academic education; for his father
-had, with the same paternal authority we have mentioned before,
-decreed him for holy orders; but as the old gentleman died before he
-was ordained, he chose the church military, and preferred the king's
-commission to the bishop's.
-
-He had purchased the post of lieutenant of dragoons, and afterwards
-came to be a captain; but having quarrelled with his colonel, was by
-his interest obliged to sell; from which time he had entirely
-rusticated himself, had betaken himself to studying the Scriptures,
-and was not a little suspected of an inclination to methodism.
-
-It seemed, therefore, not unlikely that such a person should succeed
-with a lady of so saint-like a disposition, and whose inclinations
-were no otherwise engaged than to the marriage state in general; but
-why the doctor, who certainly had no great friendship for his brother,
-should for his sake think of making so ill a return to the hospitality
-of Allworthy, is a matter not so easy to be accounted for.
-
-Is it that some natures delight in evil, as others are thought to
-delight in virtue? Or is there a pleasure in being accessory to a
-theft when we cannot commit it ourselves? Or lastly (which experience
-seems to make probable), have we a satisfaction in aggrandizing our
-families, even though we have not the least love or respect for them?
-
-Whether any of these motives operated on the doctor, we will not
-determine; but so the fact was. He sent for his brother, and easily
-found means to introduce him at Allworthy's as a person who intended
-only a short visit to himself.
-
-The captain had not been in the house a week before the doctor had
-reason to felicitate himself on his discernment. The captain was
-indeed as great a master of the art of love as Ovid was formerly. He
-had besides received proper hints from his brother, which he failed
-not to improve to the best advantage.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-Containing many rules, and some examples, concerning falling in love:
-descriptions of beauty, and other more prudential inducements to
-matrimony.
-
-
-It hath been observed, by wise men or women, I forget which, that all
-persons are doomed to be in love once in their lives. No particular
-season is, as I remember, assigned for this; but the age at which Miss
-Bridget was arrived, seems to me as proper a period as any to be fixed
-on for this purpose: it often, indeed, happens much earlier; but when
-it doth not, I have observed it seldom or never fails about this time.
-Moreover, we may remark that at this season love is of a more serious
-and steady nature than what sometimes shows itself in the younger
-parts of life. The love of girls is uncertain, capricious, and so
-foolish that we cannot always discover what the young lady would be
-at; nay, it may almost be doubted whether she always knows this
-herself.
-
-Now we are never at a loss to discern this in women about forty; for
-as such grave, serious, and experienced ladies well know their own
-meaning, so it is always very easy for a man of the least sagacity to
-discover it with the utmost certainty.
-
-Miss Bridget is an example of all these observations. She had not been
-many times in the captain's company before she was seized with this
-passion. Nor did she go pining and moping about the house, like a
-puny, foolish girl, ignorant of her distemper: she felt, she knew, and
-she enjoyed, the pleasing sensation, of which, as she was certain it
-was not only innocent but laudable, she was neither afraid nor
-ashamed.
-
-And to say the truth, there is, in all points, great difference
-between the reasonable passion which women at this age conceive
-towards men, and the idle and childish liking of a girl to a boy,
-which is often fixed on the outside only, and on things of little
-value and no duration; as on cherry-cheeks, small, lily-white hands,
-sloe-black eyes, flowing locks, downy chins, dapper shapes; nay,
-sometimes on charms more worthless than these, and less the party's
-own; such are the outward ornaments of the person, for which men are
-beholden to the taylor, the laceman, the periwig-maker, the hatter,
-and the milliner, and not to nature. Such a passion girls may well be
-ashamed, as they generally are, to own either to themselves or others.
-
-The love of Miss Bridget was of another kind. The captain owed nothing
-to any of these fop-makers in his dress, nor was his person much more
-beholden to nature. Both his dress and person were such as, had they
-appeared in an assembly or a drawing-room, would have been the
-contempt and ridicule of all the fine ladies there. The former of
-these was indeed neat, but plain, coarse, ill-fancied, and out of
-fashion. As for the latter, we have expressly described it above. So
-far was the skin on his cheeks from being cherry-coloured, that you
-could not discern what the natural colour of his cheeks was, they
-being totally overgrown by a black beard, which ascended to his eyes.
-His shape and limbs were indeed exactly proportioned, but so large
-that they denoted the strength rather of a ploughman than any other.
-His shoulders were broad beyond all size, and the calves of his legs
-larger than those of a common chairman. In short, his whole person
-wanted all that elegance and beauty which is the very reverse of
-clumsy strength, and which so agreeably sets off most of our fine
-gentlemen; being partly owing to the high blood of their ancestors,
-viz., blood made of rich sauces and generous wines, and partly to an
-early town education.
-
-Though Miss Bridget was a woman of the greatest delicacy of taste, yet
-such were the charms of the captain's conversation, that she totally
-overlooked the defects of his person. She imagined, and perhaps very
-wisely, that she should enjoy more agreeable minutes with the captain
-than with a much prettier fellow; and forewent the consideration of
-pleasing her eyes, in order to procure herself much more solid
-satisfaction.
-
-The captain no sooner perceived the passion of Miss Bridget, in which
-discovery he was very quick-sighted, than he faithfully returned it.
-The lady, no more than her lover, was remarkable for beauty. I would
-attempt to draw her picture, but that is done already by a more able
-master, Mr Hogarth himself, to whom she sat many years ago, and hath
-been lately exhibited by that gentleman in his print of a winter's
-morning, of which she was no improper emblem, and may be seen walking
-(for walk she doth in the print) to Covent Garden church, with a
-starved foot-boy behind carrying her prayer-book.
-
-The captain likewise very wisely preferred the more solid enjoyments
-he expected with this lady, to the fleeting charms of person. He was
-one of those wise men who regard beauty in the other sex as a very
-worthless and superficial qualification; or, to speak more truly, who
-rather chuse to possess every convenience of life with an ugly woman,
-than a handsome one without any of those conveniences. And having a
-very good appetite, and but little nicety, he fancied he should play
-his part very well at the matrimonial banquet, without the sauce of
-beauty.
-
-To deal plainly with the reader, the captain, ever since his arrival,
-at least from the moment his brother had proposed the match to him,
-long before he had discovered any flattering symptoms in Miss Bridget,
-had been greatly enamoured; that is to say, of Mr Allworthy's house
-and gardens, and of his lands, tenements, and hereditaments; of all
-which the captain was so passionately fond, that he would most
-probably have contracted marriage with them, had he been obliged to
-have taken the witch of Endor into the bargain.
-
-As Mr Allworthy, therefore, had declared to the doctor that he never
-intended to take a second wife, as his sister was his nearest
-relation, and as the doctor had fished out that his intentions were to
-make any child of hers his heir, which indeed the law, without his
-interposition, would have done for him; the doctor and his brother
-thought it an act of benevolence to give being to a human creature,
-who would be so plentifully provided with the most essential means of
-happiness. The whole thoughts, therefore, of both the brothers were
-how to engage the affections of this amiable lady.
-
-But fortune, who is a tender parent, and often doth more for her
-favourite offspring than either they deserve or wish, had been so
-industrious for the captain, that whilst he was laying schemes to
-execute his purpose, the lady conceived the same desires with himself,
-and was on her side contriving how to give the captain proper
-encouragement, without appearing too forward; for she was a strict
-observer of all rules of decorum. In this, however, she easily
-succeeded; for as the captain was always on the look-out, no glance,
-gesture, or word escaped him.
-
-The satisfaction which the captain received from the kind behaviour of
-Miss Bridget, was not a little abated by his apprehensions of Mr
-Allworthy; for, notwithstanding his disinterested professions, the
-captain imagined he would, when he came to act, follow the example of
-the rest of the world, and refuse his consent to a match so
-disadvantageous, in point of interest, to his sister. From what oracle
-he received this opinion, I shall leave the reader to determine: but
-however he came by it, it strangely perplexed him how to regulate his
-conduct so as at once to convey his affection to the lady, and to
-conceal it from her brother. He at length resolved to take all private
-opportunities of making his addresses; but in the presence of Mr
-Allworthy to be as reserved and as much upon his guard as was
-possible; and this conduct was highly approved by the brother.
-
-He soon found means to make his addresses, in express terms, to his
-mistress, from whom he received an answer in the proper form, viz.:
-the answer which was first made some thousands of years ago, and which
-hath been handed down by tradition from mother to daughter ever since.
-If I was to translate this into Latin, I should render it by these two
-words, _Nolo Episcopari_: a phrase likewise of immemorial use on
-another occasion.
-
-The captain, however he came by his knowledge, perfectly well
-understood the lady, and very soon after repeated his application with
-more warmth and earnestness than before, and was again, according to
-due form, rejected; but as he had increased in the eagerness of his
-desires, so the lady, with the same propriety, decreased in the
-violence of her refusal.
-
-Not to tire the reader, by leading him through every scene of this
-courtship (which, though in the opinion of a certain great author, it
-is the pleasantest scene of life to the actor, is, perhaps, as dull
-and tiresome as any whatever to the audience), the captain made his
-advances in form, the citadel was defended in form, and at length, in
-proper form, surrendered at discretion.
-
-During this whole time, which filled the space of near a month, the
-captain preserved great distance of behaviour to his lady in the
-presence of the brother; and the more he succeeded with her in
-private, the more reserved was he in public. And as for the lady, she
-had no sooner secured her lover than she behaved to him before company
-with the highest degree of indifference; so that Mr Allworthy must
-have had the insight of the devil (or perhaps some of his worse
-qualities) to have entertained the least suspicion of what was going
-forward.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-Containing what the reader may, perhaps, expect to find in it.
-
-
-In all bargains, whether to fight or to marry, or concerning any other
-such business, little previous ceremony is required to bring the
-matter to an issue when both parties are really in earnest. This was
-the case at present, and in less than a month the captain and his lady
-were man and wife.
-
-The great concern now was to break the matter to Mr Allworthy; and
-this was undertaken by the doctor.
-
-One day, then, as Allworthy was walking in his garden, the doctor came
-to him, and, with great gravity of aspect, and all the concern which
-he could possibly affect in his countenance, said, "I am come, sir, to
-impart an affair to you of the utmost consequence; but how shall I
-mention to you what it almost distracts me to think of!" He then
-launched forth into the most bitter invectives both against men and
-women; accusing the former of having no attachment but to their
-interest, and the latter of being so addicted to vicious inclinations
-that they could never be safely trusted with one of the other sex.
-"Could I," said he, "sir, have suspected that a lady of such prudence,
-such judgment, such learning, should indulge so indiscreet a passion!
-or could I have imagined that my brother--why do I call him so? he is
-no longer a brother of mine----"
-
-"Indeed but he is," said Allworthy, "and a brother of mine too."
-
-"Bless me, sir!" said the doctor, "do you know the shocking affair?"
-
-"Look'ee, Mr Blifil," answered the good man, "it hath been my constant
-maxim in life to make the best of all matters which happen. My sister,
-though many years younger than I, is at least old enough to be at the
-age of discretion. Had he imposed on a child, I should have been more
-averse to have forgiven him; but a woman upwards of thirty must
-certainly be supposed to know what will make her most happy. She hath
-married a gentleman, though perhaps not quite her equal in fortune;
-and if he hath any perfections in her eye which can make up that
-deficiency, I see no reason why I should object to her choice of her
-own happiness; which I, no more than herself, imagine to consist only
-in immense wealth. I might, perhaps, from the many declarations I have
-made of complying with almost any proposal, have expected to have been
-consulted on this occasion; but these matters are of a very delicate
-nature, and the scruples of modesty, perhaps, are not to be overcome.
-As to your brother, I have really no anger against him at all. He hath
-no obligations to me, nor do I think he was under any necessity of
-asking my consent, since the woman is, as I have said, _sui juris_,
-and of a proper age to be entirely answerable only, to herself for her
-conduct."
-
-The doctor accused Mr Allworthy of too great lenity, repeated his
-accusations against his brother, and declared that he should never
-more be brought either to see, or to own him for his relation. He then
-launched forth into a panegyric on Allworthy's goodness; into the
-highest encomiums on his friendship; and concluded by saying, he
-should never forgive his brother for having put the place which he
-bore in that friendship to a hazard.
-
-Allworthy thus answered: "Had I conceived any displeasure against your
-brother, I should never have carried that resentment to the innocent:
-but I assure you I have no such displeasure. Your brother appears to
-me to be a man of sense and honour. I do not disapprove the taste of
-my sister; nor will I doubt but that she is equally the object of his
-inclinations. I have always thought love the only foundation of
-happiness in a married state, as it can only produce that high and
-tender friendship which should always be the cement of this union;
-and, in my opinion, all those marriages which are contracted from
-other motives are greatly criminal; they are a profanation of a most
-holy ceremony, and generally end in disquiet and misery: for surely we
-may call it a profanation to convert this most sacred institution into
-a wicked sacrifice to lust or avarice: and what better can be said of
-those matches to which men are induced merely by the consideration of
-a beautiful person, or a great fortune?
-
-"To deny that beauty is an agreeable object to the eye, and even
-worthy some admiration, would be false and foolish. Beautiful is an
-epithet often used in Scripture, and always mentioned with honour. It
-was my own fortune to marry a woman whom the world thought handsome,
-and I can truly say I liked her the better on that account. But to
-make this the sole consideration of marriage, to lust after it so
-violently as to overlook all imperfections for its sake, or to require
-it so absolutely as to reject and disdain religion, virtue, and sense,
-which are qualities in their nature of much higher perfection, only
-because an elegance of person is wanting: this is surely inconsistent,
-either with a wise man or a good Christian. And it is, perhaps, being
-too charitable to conclude that such persons mean anything more by
-their marriage than to please their carnal appetites; for the
-satisfaction of which, we are taught, it was not ordained.
-
-"In the next place, with respect to fortune. Worldly prudence,
-perhaps, exacts some consideration on this head; nor will I absolutely
-and altogether condemn it. As the world is constituted, the demands of
-a married state, and the care of posterity, require some little regard
-to what we call circumstances. Yet this provision is greatly
-increased, beyond what is really necessary, by folly and vanity, which
-create abundantly more wants than nature. Equipage for the wife, and
-large fortunes for the children, are by custom enrolled in the list of
-necessaries; and to procure these, everything truly solid and sweet,
-and virtuous and religious, are neglected and overlooked.
-
-"And this in many degrees; the last and greatest of which seems scarce
-distinguishable from madness;--I mean where persons of immense
-fortunes contract themselves to those who are, and must be,
-disagreeable to them--to fools and knaves--in order to increase an
-estate already larger even than the demands of their pleasures. Surely
-such persons, if they will not be thought mad, must own, either that
-they are incapable of tasting the sweets of the tenderest friendship,
-or that they sacrifice the greatest happiness of which they are
-capable to the vain, uncertain, and senseless laws of vulgar opinion,
-which owe as well their force as their foundation to folly."
-
-Here Allworthy concluded his sermon, to which Blifil had listened with
-the profoundest attention, though it cost him some pains to prevent
-now and then a small discomposure of his muscles. He now praised every
-period of what he had heard with the warmth of a young divine, who
-hath the honour to dine with a bishop the same day in which his
-lordship hath mounted the pulpit.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-Which concludes the first book; with an instance of ingratitude,
-which, we hope, will appear unnatural.
-
-
-The reader, from what hath been said, may imagine that the
-reconciliation (if indeed it could be so called) was only matter of
-form; we shall therefore pass it over, and hasten to what must surely
-be thought matter of substance.
-
-The doctor had acquainted his brother with what had past between Mr
-Allworthy and him; and added with a smile, "I promise you I paid you
-off; nay, I absolutely desired the good gentleman not to forgive you:
-for you know after he had made a declaration in your favour, I might
-with safety venture on such a request with a person of his temper; and
-I was willing, as well for your sake as for my own, to prevent the
-least possibility of a suspicion."
-
-Captain Blifil took not the least notice of this, at that time; but he
-afterwards made a very notable use of it.
-
-One of the maxims which the devil, in a late visit upon earth, left to
-his disciples, is, when once you are got up, to kick the stool from
-under you. In plain English, when you have made your fortune by the
-good offices of a friend, you are advised to discard him as soon as
-you can.
-
-Whether the captain acted by this maxim, I will not positively
-determine: so far we may confidently say, that his actions may be
-fairly derived from this diabolical principle; and indeed it is
-difficult to assign any other motive to them: for no sooner was he
-possessed of Miss Bridget, and reconciled to Allworthy, than he began
-to show a coldness to his brother which increased daily; till at
-length it grew into rudeness, and became very visible to every one.
-
-The doctor remonstrated to him privately concerning this behaviour,
-but could obtain no other satisfaction than the following plain
-declaration: "If you dislike anything in my brother's house, sir, you
-know you are at liberty to quit it." This strange, cruel, and almost
-unaccountable ingratitude in the captain, absolutely broke the poor
-doctor's heart; for ingratitude never so thoroughly pierces the human
-breast as when it proceeds from those in whose behalf we have been
-guilty of transgressions. Reflections on great and good actions,
-however they are received or returned by those in whose favour they
-are performed, always administer some comfort to us; but what
-consolation shall we receive under so biting a calamity as the
-ungrateful behaviour of our friend, when our wounded conscience at the
-same time flies in our face, and upbraids us with having spotted it in
-the service of one so worthless!
-
-Mr Allworthy himself spoke to the captain in his brother's behalf, and
-desired to know what offence the doctor had committed; when the
-hard-hearted villain had the baseness to say that he should never
-forgive him for the injury which he had endeavoured to do him in his
-favour; which, he said, he had pumped out of him, and was such a
-cruelty that it ought not to be forgiven.
-
-Allworthy spoke in very high terms upon this declaration, which, he
-said, became not a human creature. He expressed, indeed, so much
-resentment against an unforgiving temper, that the captain at last
-pretended to be convinced by his arguments, and outwardly professed to
-be reconciled.
-
-As for the bride, she was now in her honeymoon, and so passionately
-fond of her new husband that he never appeared to her to be in the
-wrong; and his displeasure against any person was a sufficient reason
-for her dislike to the same.
-
-The captain, at Mr Allworthy's instance, was outwardly, as we have
-said, reconciled to his brother; yet the same rancour remained in his
-heart; and he found so many opportunities of giving him private hints
-of this, that the house at last grew insupportable to the poor doctor;
-and he chose rather to submit to any inconveniences which he might
-encounter in the world, than longer to bear these cruel and ungrateful
-insults from a brother for whom he had done so much.
-
-He once intended to acquaint Allworthy with the whole; but he could
-not bring himself to submit to the confession, by which he must take
-to his share so great a portion of guilt. Besides, by how much the
-worse man he represented his brother to be, so much the greater would
-his own offence appear to Allworthy, and so much the greater, he had
-reason to imagine, would be his resentment.
-
-He feigned, therefore, some excuse of business for his departure, and
-promised to return soon again; and took leave of his brother with so
-well-dissembled content, that, as the captain played his part to the
-same perfection, Allworthy remained well satisfied with the truth of
-the reconciliation.
-
-The doctor went directly to London, where he died soon after of a
-broken heart; a distemper which kills many more than is generally
-imagined, and would have a fair title to a place in the bill of
-mortality, did it not differ in one instance from all other
-diseases--viz., that no physician can cure it.
-
-Now, upon the most diligent enquiry into the former lives of these two
-brothers, I find, besides the cursed and hellish maxim of policy above
-mentioned, another reason for the captain's conduct: the captain,
-besides what we have before said of him, was a man of great pride and
-fierceness, and had always treated his brother, who was of a different
-complexion, and greatly deficient in both these qualities, with the
-utmost air of superiority. The doctor, however, had much the larger
-share of learning, and was by many reputed to have the better
-understanding. This the captain knew, and could not bear; for though
-envy is at best a very malignant passion, yet is its bitterness
-greatly heightened by mixing with contempt towards the same object;
-and very much afraid I am, that whenever an obligation is joined to
-these two, indignation and not gratitude will be the product of all
-three.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK II.
-
-CONTAINING SCENES OF MATRIMONIAL FELICITY IN DIFFERENT DEGREES OF
-LIFE; AND VARIOUS OTHER TRANSACTIONS DURING THE FIRST TWO YEARS AFTER
-THE MARRIAGE BETWEEN CAPTAIN BLIFIL AND MISS BRIDGET ALLWORTHY.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Showing what kind of a history this is; what it is like, and what it
-is not like.
-
-
-Though we have properly enough entitled this our work, a history, and
-not a life; nor an apology for a life, as is more in fashion; yet we
-intend in it rather to pursue the method of those writers, who profess
-to disclose the revolutions of countries, than to imitate the painful
-and voluminous historian, who, to preserve the regularity of his
-series, thinks himself obliged to fill up as much paper with the
-detail of months and years in which nothing remarkable happened, as he
-employs upon those notable aeras when the greatest scenes have been
-transacted on the human stage.
-
-Such histories as these do, in reality, very much resemble a
-newspaper, which consists of just the same number of words, whether
-there be any news in it or not. They may likewise be compared to a
-stage coach, which performs constantly the same course, empty as well
-as full. The writer, indeed, seems to think himself obliged to keep
-even pace with time, whose amanuensis he is; and, like his master,
-travels as slowly through centuries of monkish dulness, when the world
-seems to have been asleep, as through that bright and busy age so
-nobly distinguished by the excellent Latin poet--
-
-     _Ad confligendum venientibus undique poenis,
-     Omnia cum belli trepido concussa tumultu
-     Horrida contremuere sub altis aetheris auris;
-     In dubioque fuit sub utrorum regna cadendum
-     Omnibus humanis esset, terraque marique._
-
-Of which we wish we could give our readers a more adequate translation
-than that by Mr Creech--
-
-     When dreadful Carthage frighted Rome with arms,
-     And all the world was shook with fierce alarms;
-     Whilst undecided yet, which part should fall,
-     Which nation rise the glorious lord of all.
-
-Now it is our purpose, in the ensuing pages, to pursue a contrary
-method. When any extraordinary scene presents itself (as we trust will
-often be the case), we shall spare no pains nor paper to open it at
-large to our reader; but if whole years should pass without producing
-anything worthy his notice, we shall not be afraid of a chasm in our
-history; but shall hasten on to matters of consequence, and leave such
-periods of time totally unobserved.
-
-These are indeed to be considered as blanks in the grand lottery of
-time. We therefore, who are the registers of that lottery, shall
-imitate those sagacious persons who deal in that which is drawn at
-Guildhall, and who never trouble the public with the many blanks they
-dispose of; but when a great prize happens to be drawn, the newspapers
-are presently filled with it, and the world is sure to be informed at
-whose office it was sold: indeed, commonly two or three different
-offices lay claim to the honour of having disposed of it; by which, I
-suppose, the adventurers are given to understand that certain brokers
-are in the secrets of Fortune, and indeed of her cabinet council.
-
-My reader then is not to be surprized, if, in the course of this work,
-he shall find some chapters very short, and others altogether as long;
-some that contain only the time of a single day, and others that
-comprise years; in a word, if my history sometimes seems to stand
-still, and sometimes to fly. For all which I shall not look on myself
-as accountable to any court of critical jurisdiction whatever: for as
-I am, in reality, the founder of a new province of writing, so I am at
-liberty to make what laws I please therein. And these laws, my
-readers, whom I consider as my subjects, are bound to believe in and
-to obey; with which that they may readily and cheerfully comply, I do
-hereby assure them that I shall principally regard their ease and
-advantage in all such institutions: for I do not, like a _jure divino_
-tyrant, imagine that they are my slaves, or my commodity. I am,
-indeed, set over them for their own good only, and was created for
-their use, and not they for mine. Nor do I doubt, while I make their
-interest the great rule of my writings, they will unanimously concur
-in supporting my dignity, and in rendering me all the honour I shall
-deserve or desire.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Religious cautions against showing too much favour to bastards; and a
-great discovery made by Mrs Deborah Wilkins.
-
-
-Eight months after the celebration of the nuptials between Captain
-Blifil and Miss Bridget Allworthy, a young lady of great beauty,
-merit, and fortune, was Miss Bridget, by reason of a fright, delivered
-of a fine boy. The child was indeed to all appearances perfect; but
-the midwife discovered it was born a month before its full time.
-
-Though the birth of an heir by his beloved sister was a circumstance
-of great joy to Mr Allworthy, yet it did not alienate his affections
-from the little foundling, to whom he had been godfather, had given
-his own name of Thomas, and whom he had hitherto seldom failed of
-visiting, at least once a day, in his nursery.
-
-He told his sister, if she pleased, the new-born infant should be bred
-up together with little Tommy; to which she consented, though with
-some little reluctance: for she had truly a great complacence for her
-brother; and hence she had always behaved towards the foundling with
-rather more kindness than ladies of rigid virtue can sometimes bring
-themselves to show to these children, who, however innocent, may be
-truly called the living monuments of incontinence.
-
-The captain could not so easily bring himself to bear what he
-condemned as a fault in Mr Allworthy. He gave him frequent hints, that
-to adopt the fruits of sin, was to give countenance to it. He quoted
-several texts (for he was well read in Scripture), such as, _He visits
-the sins of the fathers upon the children; and the fathers have eaten
-sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge_,&c. Whence he
-argued the legality of punishing the crime of the parent on the
-bastard. He said, "Though the law did not positively allow the
-destroying such base-born children, yet it held them to be the
-children of nobody; that the Church considered them as the children of
-nobody; and that at the best, they ought to be brought up to the
-lowest and vilest offices of the commonwealth."
-
-Mr Allworthy answered to all this, and much more, which the captain
-had urged on this subject, "That, however guilty the parents might be,
-the children were certainly innocent: that as to the texts he had
-quoted, the former of them was a particular denunciation against the
-Jews, for the sin of idolatry, of relinquishing and hating their
-heavenly King; and the latter was parabolically spoken, and rather
-intended to denote the certain and necessary consequences of sin, than
-any express judgment against it. But to represent the Almighty as
-avenging the sins of the guilty on the innocent, was indecent, if not
-blasphemous, as it was to represent him acting against the first
-principles of natural justice, and against the original notions of
-right and wrong, which he himself had implanted in our minds; by which
-we were to judge not only in all matters which were not revealed, but
-even of the truth of revelation itself. He said he knew many held the
-same principles with the captain on this head; but he was himself
-firmly convinced to the contrary, and would provide in the same manner
-for this poor infant, as if a legitimate child had had fortune to have
-been found in the same place."
-
-While the captain was taking all opportunities to press these and such
-like arguments, to remove the little foundling from Mr Allworthy's, of
-whose fondness for him he began to be jealous, Mrs Deborah had made a
-discovery, which, in its event, threatened at least to prove more
-fatal to poor Tommy than all the reasonings of the captain.
-
-Whether the insatiable curiosity of this good woman had carried her on
-to that business, or whether she did it to confirm herself in the good
-graces of Mrs Blifil, who, notwithstanding her outward behaviour to
-the foundling, frequently abused the infant in private, and her
-brother too, for his fondness to it, I will not determine; but she had
-now, as she conceived, fully detected the father of the foundling.
-
-Now, as this was a discovery of great consequence, it may be necessary
-to trace it from the fountain-head. We shall therefore very minutely
-lay open those previous matters by which it was produced; and for that
-purpose we shall be obliged to reveal all the secrets of a little
-family with which my reader is at present entirely unacquainted; and
-of which the oeconomy was so rare and extraordinary, that I fear it
-will shock the utmost credulity of many married persons.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-The description of a domestic government founded upon rules directly
-contrary to those of Aristotle.
-
-
-My reader may please to remember he hath been informed that Jenny
-Jones had lived some years with a certain schoolmaster, who had, at
-her earnest desire, instructed her in Latin, in which, to do justice
-to her genius, she had so improved herself, that she was become a
-better scholar than her master.
-
-Indeed, though this poor man had undertaken a profession to which
-learning must be allowed necessary, this was the least of his
-commendations. He was one of the best-natured fellows in the world,
-and was, at the same time, master of so much pleasantry and humour,
-that he was reputed the wit of the country; and all the neighbouring
-gentlemen were so desirous of his company, that as denying was not his
-talent, he spent much time at their houses, which he might, with more
-emolument, have spent in his school.
-
-It may be imagined that a gentleman so qualified and so disposed, was
-in no danger of becoming formidable to the learned seminaries of Eton
-or Westminster. To speak plainly, his scholars were divided into two
-classes: in the upper of which was a young gentleman, the son of a
-neighbouring squire, who, at the age of seventeen, was just entered
-into his Syntaxis; and in the lower was a second son of the same
-gentleman, who, together with seven parish-boys, was learning to read
-and write.
-
-The stipend arising hence would hardly have indulged the schoolmaster
-in the luxuries of life, had he not added to this office those of
-clerk and barber, and had not Mr Allworthy added to the whole an
-annuity of ten pounds, which the poor man received every Christmas,
-and with which he was enabled to cheer his heart during that sacred
-festival.
-
-Among his other treasures, the pedagogue had a wife, whom he had
-married out of Mr Allworthy's kitchen for her fortune, viz., twenty
-pounds, which she had there amassed.
-
-This woman was not very amiable in her person. Whether she sat to my
-friend Hogarth, or no, I will not determine; but she exactly resembled
-the young woman who is pouring out her mistress's tea in the third
-picture of the Harlot's Progress. She was, besides, a profest follower
-of that noble sect founded by Xantippe of old; by means of which she
-became more formidable in the school than her husband; for, to confess
-the truth, he was never master there, or anywhere else, in her
-presence.
-
-Though her countenance did not denote much natural sweetness of
-temper, yet this was, perhaps, somewhat soured by a circumstance which
-generally poisons matrimonial felicity; for children are rightly
-called the pledges of love; and her husband, though they had been
-married nine years, had given her no such pledges; a default for which
-he had no excuse, either from age or health, being not yet thirty
-years old, and what they call a jolly brisk young man.
-
-Hence arose another evil, which produced no little uneasiness to the
-poor pedagogue, of whom she maintained so constant a jealousy, that he
-durst hardly speak to one woman in the parish; for the least degree of
-civility, or even correspondence, with any female, was sure to bring
-his wife upon her back, and his own.
-
-In order to guard herself against matrimonial injuries in her own
-house, as she kept one maid-servant, she always took care to chuse her
-out of that order of females whose faces are taken as a kind of
-security for their virtue; of which number Jenny Jones, as the reader
-hath been before informed, was one.
-
-As the face of this young woman might be called pretty good security
-of the before-mentioned kind, and as her behaviour had been always
-extremely modest, which is the certain consequence of understanding in
-women; she had passed above four years at Mr Partridge's (for that was
-the schoolmaster's name) without creating the least suspicion in her
-mistress. Nay, she had been treated with uncommon kindness, and her
-mistress had permitted Mr Partridge to give her those instructions
-which have been before commemorated.
-
-But it is with jealousy as with the gout: when such distempers are in
-the blood, there is never any security against their breaking out; and
-that often on the slightest occasions, and when least suspected.
-
-Thus it happened to Mrs Partridge, who had submitted four years to her
-husband's teaching this young woman, and had suffered her often to
-neglect her work, in order to pursue her learning. For, passing by one
-day, as the girl was reading, and her master leaning over her, the
-girl, I know not for what reason, suddenly started up from her chair:
-and this was the first time that suspicion ever entered into the head
-of her mistress. This did not, however, at that time discover itself,
-but lay lurking in her mind, like a concealed enemy, who waits for a
-reinforcement of additional strength before he openly declares himself
-and proceeds upon hostile operations: and such additional strength
-soon arrived to corroborate her suspicion; for not long after, the
-husband and wife being at dinner, the master said to his maid, _Da
-mihi aliquid potum:_ upon which the poor girl smiled, perhaps at the
-badness of the Latin, and, when her mistress cast her eyes on her,
-blushed, possibly with a consciousness of having laughed at her
-master. Mrs Partridge, upon this, immediately fell into a fury, and
-discharged the trencher on which she was eating, at the head of poor
-Jenny, crying out, "You impudent whore, do you play tricks with my
-husband before my face?" and at the same instant rose from her chair
-with a knife in her hand, with which, most probably, she would have
-executed very tragical vengeance, had not the girl taken the advantage
-of being nearer the door than her mistress, and avoided her fury by
-running away: for, as to the poor husband, whether surprize had
-rendered him motionless, or fear (which is full as probable) had
-restrained him from venturing at any opposition, he sat staring and
-trembling in his chair; nor did he once offer to move or speak, till
-his wife, returning from the pursuit of Jenny, made some defensive
-measures necessary for his own preservation; and he likewise was
-obliged to retreat, after the example of the maid.
-
-This good woman was, no more than Othello, of a disposition
-
-            To make a life of jealousy
-     And follow still the changes of the moon
-     With fresh suspicions--
-
-With her, as well as him,
-
-          --To be once in doubt,
-     Was once to be resolvd--
-
-she therefore ordered Jenny immediately to pack up her alls and
-begone, for that she was determined she should not sleep that night
-within her walls.
-
-Mr Partridge had profited too much by experience to interpose in a
-matter of this nature. He therefore had recourse to his usual receipt
-of patience, for, though he was not a great adept in Latin, he
-remembered, and well understood, the advice contained in these words
-
-     --_Leve fit quod bene fertur onus_
-
-in English:
-
-     A burden becomes lightest when it is well borne--
-
-which he had always in his mouth; and of which, to say the truth, he
-had often occasion to experience the truth.
-
-Jenny offered to make protestations of her innocence; but the tempest
-was too strong for her to be heard. She then betook herself to the
-business of packing, for which a small quantity of brown paper
-sufficed, and, having received her small pittance of wages, she
-returned home.
-
-The schoolmaster and his consort passed their time unpleasantly enough
-that evening, but something or other happened before the next morning,
-which a little abated the fury of Mrs Partridge; and she at length
-admitted her husband to make his excuses: to which she gave the
-readier belief, as he had, instead of desiring her to recall Jenny,
-professed a satisfaction in her being dismissed, saying, she was grown
-of little use as a servant, spending all her time in reading, and was
-become, moreover, very pert and obstinate; for, indeed, she and her
-master had lately had frequent disputes in literature; in which, as
-hath been said, she was become greatly his superior. This, however, he
-would by no means allow; and as he called her persisting in the right,
-obstinacy, he began to hate her with no small inveteracy.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing one of the most bloody battles, or rather duels, that were
-ever recorded in domestic history.
-
-
-For the reasons mentioned in the preceding chapter, and from some
-other matrimonial concessions, well known to most husbands, and which,
-like the secrets of freemasonry, should be divulged to none who are
-not members of that honourable fraternity, Mrs Partridge was pretty
-well satisfied that she had condemned her husband without cause, and
-endeavoured by acts of kindness to make him amends for her false
-suspicion. Her passions were indeed equally violent, whichever way
-they inclined; for as she could be extremely angry, so could she be
-altogether as fond.
-
-But though these passions ordinarily succeed each other, and scarce
-twenty-four hours ever passed in which the pedagogue was not, in some
-degree, the object of both; yet, on extraordinary occasions, when the
-passion of anger had raged very high, the remission was usually
-longer: and so was the case at present; for she continued longer in a
-state of affability, after this fit of jealousy was ended, than her
-husband had ever known before: and, had it not been for some little
-exercises, which all the followers of Xantippe are obliged to perform
-daily, Mr Partridge would have enjoyed a perfect serenity of several
-months.
-
-Perfect calms at sea are always suspected by the experienced mariner
-to be the forerunners of a storm, and I know some persons, who,
-without being generally the devotees of superstition, are apt to
-apprehend that great and unusual peace or tranquillity will be
-attended with its opposite. For which reason the antients used, on
-such occasions, to sacrifice to the goddess Nemesis, a deity who was
-thought by them to look with an invidious eye on human felicity, and
-to have a peculiar delight in overturning it.
-
-As we are very far from believing in any such heathen goddess, or from
-encouraging any superstition, so we wish Mr John Fr----, or some other
-such philosopher, would bestir himself a little, in order to find out
-the real cause of this sudden transition from good to bad fortune,
-which hath been so often remarked, and of which we shall proceed to
-give an instance; for it is our province to relate facts, and we shall
-leave causes to persons of much higher genius.
-
-Mankind have always taken great delight in knowing and descanting on
-the actions of others. Hence there have been, in all ages and nations,
-certain places set apart for public rendezvous, where the curious
-might meet and satisfy their mutual curiosity. Among these, the
-barbers' shops have justly borne the pre-eminence. Among the Greeks,
-barbers' news was a proverbial expression; and Horace, in one of his
-epistles, makes honourable mention of the Roman barbers in the same
-light.
-
-Those of England are known to be no wise inferior to their Greek or
-Roman predecessors. You there see foreign affairs discussed in a
-manner little inferior to that with which they are handled in the
-coffee-houses; and domestic occurrences are much more largely and
-freely treated in the former than in the latter. But this serves only
-for the men. Now, whereas the females of this country, especially
-those of the lower order, do associate themselves much more than those
-of other nations, our polity would be highly deficient, if they had
-not some place set apart likewise for the indulgence of their
-curiosity, seeing they are in this no way inferior to the other half
-of the species.
-
-In enjoying, therefore, such place of rendezvous, the British fair
-ought to esteem themselves more happy than any of their foreign
-sisters; as I do not remember either to have read in history, or to
-have seen in my travels, anything of the like kind.
-
-This place then is no other than the chandler's shop, the known seat
-of all the news; or, as it is vulgarly called, gossiping, in every
-parish in England.
-
-Mrs Partridge being one day at this assembly of females, was asked by
-one of her neighbours, if she had heard no news lately of Jenny Jones?
-To which she answered in the negative. Upon this the other replied,
-with a smile, That the parish was very much obliged to her for having
-turned Jenny away as she did.
-
-Mrs Partridge, whose jealousy, as the reader well knows, was long
-since cured, and who had no other quarrel to her maid, answered
-boldly, She did not know any obligation the parish had to her on that
-account; for she believed Jenny had scarce left her equal behind her.
-
-"No, truly," said the gossip, "I hope not, though I fancy we have
-sluts enow too. Then you have not heard, it seems, that she hath been
-brought to bed of two bastards? but as they are not born here, my
-husband and the other overseer says we shall not be obliged to keep
-them."
-
-"Two bastards!" answered Mrs Partridge hastily: "you surprize me! I
-don't know whether we must keep them; but I am sure they must have
-been begotten here, for the wench hath not been nine months gone
-away."
-
-Nothing can be so quick and sudden as the operations of the mind,
-especially when hope, or fear, or jealousy, to which the two others
-are but journeymen, set it to work. It occurred instantly to her, that
-Jenny had scarce ever been out of her own house while she lived with
-her. The leaning over the chair, the sudden starting up, the Latin,
-the smile, and many other things, rushed upon her all at once. The
-satisfaction her husband expressed in the departure of Jenny, appeared
-now to be only dissembled; again, in the same instant, to be real; but
-yet to confirm her jealousy, proceeding from satiety, and a hundred
-other bad causes. In a word, she was convinced of her husband's guilt,
-and immediately left the assembly in confusion.
-
-As fair Grimalkin, who, though the youngest of the feline family,
-degenerates not in ferocity from the elder branches of her house, and
-though inferior in strength, is equal in fierceness to the noble tiger
-himself, when a little mouse, whom it hath long tormented in sport,
-escapes from her clutches for a while, frets, scolds, growls, swears;
-but if the trunk, or box, behind which the mouse lay hid be again
-removed, she flies like lightning on her prey, and, with envenomed
-wrath, bites, scratches, mumbles, and tears the little animal.
-
-Not with less fury did Mrs Partridge fly on the poor pedagogue. Her
-tongue, teeth, and hands, fell all upon him at once. His wig was in an
-instant torn from his head, his shirt from his back, and from his face
-descended five streams of blood, denoting the number of claws with
-which nature had unhappily armed the enemy.
-
-Mr Partridge acted for some time on the defensive only; indeed he
-attempted only to guard his face with his hands; but as he found that
-his antagonist abated nothing of her rage, he thought he might, at
-least, endeavour to disarm her, or rather to confine her arms; in
-doing which her cap fell off in the struggle, and her hair being too
-short to reach her shoulders, erected itself on her head; her stays
-likewise, which were laced through one single hole at the bottom,
-burst open; and her breasts, which were much more redundant than her
-hair, hung down below her middle; her face was likewise marked with
-the blood of her husband: her teeth gnashed with rage; and fire, such
-as sparkles from a smith's forge, darted from her eyes. So that,
-altogether, this Amazonian heroine might have been an object of terror
-to a much bolder man than Mr Partridge.
-
-He had, at length, the good fortune, by getting possession of her
-arms, to render those weapons which she wore at the ends of her
-fingers useless; which she no sooner perceived, than the softness of
-her sex prevailed over her rage, and she presently dissolved in tears,
-which soon after concluded in a fit.
-
-That small share of sense which Mr Partridge had hitherto preserved
-through this scene of fury, of the cause of which he was hitherto
-ignorant, now utterly abandoned him. He ran instantly into the street,
-hallowing out that his wife was in the agonies of death, and
-beseeching the neighbours to fly with the utmost haste to her
-assistance. Several good women obeyed his summons, who entering his
-house, and applying the usual remedies on such occasions, Mrs
-Partridge was at length, to the great joy of her husband, brought to
-herself.
-
-As soon as she had a little recollected her spirits, and somewhat
-composed herself with a cordial, she began to inform the company of
-the manifold injuries she had received from her husband; who, she
-said, was not contented to injure her in her bed; but, upon her
-upbraiding him with it, had treated her in the cruelest manner
-imaginable; had tore her cap and hair from her head, and her stays
-from her body, giving her, at the same time, several blows, the marks
-of which she should carry to the grave.
-
-The poor man, who bore on his face many more visible marks of the
-indignation of his wife, stood in silent astonishment at this
-accusation; which the reader will, I believe, bear witness for him,
-had greatly exceeded the truth; for indeed he had not struck her once;
-and this silence being interpreted to be a confession of the charge by
-the whole court, they all began at once, _una voce_, to rebuke and
-revile him, repeating often, that none but a coward ever struck a
-woman.
-
-Mr Partridge bore all this patiently; but when his wife appealed to
-the blood on her face, as an evidence of his barbarity, he could not
-help laying claim to his own blood, for so it really was; as he
-thought it very unnatural, that this should rise up (as we are taught
-that of a murdered person often doth) in vengeance against him.
-
-To this the women made no other answer, than that it was a pity it had
-not come from his heart, instead of his face; all declaring, that, if
-their husbands should lift their hands against them, they would have
-their hearts' bloods out of their bodies.
-
-After much admonition for what was past, and much good advice to Mr
-Partridge for his future behaviour, the company at length departed,
-and left the husband and wife to a personal conference together, in
-which Mr Partridge soon learned the cause of all his sufferings.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Containing much matter to exercise the judgment and reflection of the
-reader.
-
-
-I believe it is a true observation, that few secrets are divulged to
-one person only; but certainly, it would be next to a miracle that a
-fact of this kind should be known to a whole parish, and not transpire
-any farther.
-
-And, indeed, a very few days had past, before the country, to use a
-common phrase, rung of the schoolmaster of Little Baddington; who was
-said to have beaten his wife in the most cruel manner. Nay, in some
-places it was reported he had murdered her; in others, that he had
-broke her arms; in others, her legs: in short, there was scarce an
-injury which can be done to a human creature, but what Mrs Partridge
-was somewhere or other affirmed to have received from her husband.
-
-The cause of this quarrel was likewise variously reported; for as some
-people said that Mrs Partridge had caught her husband in bed with his
-maid, so many other reasons, of a very different kind, went abroad.
-Nay, some transferred the guilt to the wife, and the jealousy to the
-husband.
-
-Mrs Wilkins had long ago heard of this quarrel; but, as a different
-cause from the true one had reached her ears, she thought proper to
-conceal it; and the rather, perhaps, as the blame was universally laid
-on Mr Partridge; and his wife, when she was servant to Mr Allworthy,
-had in something offended Mrs Wilkins, who was not of a very forgiving
-temper.
-
-But Mrs Wilkins, whose eyes could see objects at a distance, and who
-could very well look forward a few years into futurity, had perceived
-a strong likelihood of Captain Blifil's being hereafter her master;
-and as she plainly discerned that the captain bore no great goodwill
-to the little foundling, she fancied it would be rendering him an
-agreeable service, if she could make any discoveries that might lessen
-the affection which Mr Allworthy seemed to have contracted for this
-child, and which gave visible uneasiness to the captain, who could not
-entirely conceal it even before Allworthy himself; though his wife,
-who acted her part much better in public, frequently recommended to
-him her own example, of conniving at the folly of her brother, which,
-she said, she at least as well perceived, and as much resented, as any
-other possibly could.
-
-Mrs Wilkins having therefore, by accident, gotten a true scent of the
-above story,--though long after it had happened, failed not to satisfy
-herself thoroughly of all the particulars; and then acquainted the
-captain, that she had at last discovered the true father of the little
-bastard, which she was sorry, she said, to see her master lose his
-reputation in the country, by taking so much notice of.
-
-The captain chid her for the conclusion of her speech, as an improper
-assurance in judging of her master's actions: for if his honour, or
-his understanding, would have suffered the captain to make an alliance
-with Mrs Wilkins, his pride would by no means have admitted it. And to
-say the truth, there is no conduct less politic, than to enter into
-any confederacy with your friend's servants against their master: for
-by these means you afterwards become the slave of these very servants;
-by whom you are constantly liable to be betrayed. And this
-consideration, perhaps it was, which prevented Captain Blifil from
-being more explicit with Mrs Wilkins, or from encouraging the abuse
-which she had bestowed on Allworthy.
-
-But though he declared no satisfaction to Mrs Wilkins at this
-discovery, he enjoyed not a little from it in his own mind, and
-resolved to make the best use of it he was able.
-
-He kept this matter a long time concealed within his own breast, in
-hopes that Mr Allworthy might hear it from some other person; but Mrs
-Wilkins, whether she resented the captain's behaviour, or whether his
-cunning was beyond her, and she feared the discovery might displease
-him, never afterwards opened her lips about the matter.
-
-I have thought it somewhat strange, upon reflection, that the
-housekeeper never acquainted Mrs Blifil with this news, as women are
-more inclined to communicate all pieces of intelligence to their own
-sex, than to ours. The only way, as it appears to me, of solving this
-difficulty, is, by imputing it to that distance which was now grown
-between the lady and the housekeeper: whether this arose from a
-jealousy in Mrs Blifil, that Wilkins showed too great a respect to the
-foundling; for while she was endeavouring to ruin the little infant,
-in order to ingratiate herself with the captain, she was every day
-more and more commending it before Allworthy, as his fondness for it
-every day increased. This, notwithstanding all the care she took at
-other times to express the direct contrary to Mrs Blifil, perhaps
-offended that delicate lady, who certainly now hated Mrs Wilkins; and
-though she did not, or possibly could not, absolutely remove her from
-her place, she found, however, the means of making her life very
-uneasy. This Mrs Wilkins, at length, so resented, that she very openly
-showed all manner of respect and fondness to little Tommy, in
-opposition to Mrs Blifil.
-
-The captain, therefore, finding the story in danger of perishing, at
-last took an opportunity to reveal it himself.
-
-He was one day engaged with Mr Allworthy in a discourse on charity: in
-which the captain, with great learning, proved to Mr Allworthy, that
-the word charity in Scripture nowhere means beneficence or generosity.
-
-"The Christian religion," he said, "was instituted for much nobler
-purposes, than to enforce a lesson which many heathen philosophers had
-taught us long before, and which, though it might perhaps be called a
-moral virtue, savoured but little of that sublime, Christian-like
-disposition, that vast elevation of thought, in purity approaching to
-angelic perfection, to be attained, expressed, and felt only by grace.
-Those," he said, "came nearer to the Scripture meaning, who understood
-by it candour, or the forming of a benevolent opinion of our brethren,
-and passing a favourable judgment on their actions; a virtue much
-higher, and more extensive in its nature, than a pitiful distribution
-of alms, which, though we would never so much prejudice, or even ruin
-our families, could never reach many; whereas charity, in the other
-and truer sense, might be extended to all mankind."
-
-He said, "Considering who the disciples were, it would be absurd to
-conceive the doctrine of generosity, or giving alms, to have been
-preached to them. And, as we could not well imagine this doctrine
-should be preached by its Divine Author to men who could not practise
-it, much less should we think it understood so by those who can
-practise it, and do not.
-
-"But though," continued he, "there is, I am afraid, little merit in
-these benefactions, there would, I must confess, be much pleasure in
-them to a good mind, if it was not abated by one consideration. I
-mean, that we are liable to be imposed upon, and to confer our
-choicest favours often on the undeserving, as you must own was your
-case in your bounty to that worthless fellow Partridge: for two or
-three such examples must greatly lessen the inward satisfaction which
-a good man would otherwise find in generosity; nay, may even make him
-timorous in bestowing, lest he should be guilty of supporting vice,
-and encouraging the wicked; a crime of a very black dye, and for which
-it will by no means be a sufficient excuse, that we have not actually
-intended such an encouragement; unless we have used the utmost caution
-in chusing the objects of our beneficence. A consideration which, I
-make no doubt, hath greatly checked the liberality of many a worthy
-and pious man."
-
-Mr Allworthy answered, "He could not dispute with the captain in the
-Greek language, and therefore could say nothing as to the true sense
-of the word which is translated charity; but that he had always
-thought it was interpreted to consist in action, and that giving alms
-constituted at least one branch of that virtue.
-
-"As to the meritorious part," he said, "he readily agreed with the
-captain; for where could be the merit of barely discharging a duty?
-which," he said, "let the word charity have what construction it
-would, it sufficiently appeared to be from the whole tenor of the New
-Testament. And as he thought it an indispensable duty, enjoined both
-by the Christian law, and by the law of nature itself; so was it
-withal so pleasant, that if any duty could be said to be its own
-reward, or to pay us while we are discharging it, it was this.
-
-"To confess the truth," said he, "there is one degree of generosity
-(of charity I would have called it), which seems to have some show of
-merit, and that is, where, from a principle of benevolence and
-Christian love, we bestow on another what we really want ourselves;
-where, in order to lessen the distresses of another, we condescend to
-share some part of them, by giving what even our own necessities
-cannot well spare. This is, I think, meritorious; but to relieve our
-brethren only with our superfluities; to be charitable (I must use the
-word) rather at the expense of our coffers than ourselves; to save
-several families from misery rather than hang up an extraordinary
-picture in our houses or gratify any other idle ridiculous
-vanity--this seems to be only being human creatures. Nay, I will
-venture to go farther, it is being in some degree epicures: for what
-could the greatest epicure wish rather than to eat with many mouths
-instead of one? which I think may be predicated of any one who knows
-that the bread of many is owing to his own largesses.
-
-"As to the apprehension of bestowing bounty on such as may hereafter
-prove unworthy objects, because many have proved such; surely it can
-never deter a good man from generosity. I do not think a few or many
-examples of ingratitude can justify a man's hardening his heart
-against the distresses of his fellow-creatures; nor do I believe it
-can ever have such effect on a truly benevolent mind. Nothing less
-than a persuasion of universal depravity can lock up the charity of a
-good man; and this persuasion must lead him, I think, either into
-atheism, or enthusiasm; but surely it is unfair to argue such
-universal depravity from a few vicious individuals; nor was this, I
-believe, ever done by a man, who, upon searching his own mind, found
-one certain exception to the general rule." He then concluded by
-asking, "who that Partridge was, whom he had called a worthless
-fellow?"
-
-"I mean," said the captain, "Partridge the barber, the schoolmaster,
-what do you call him? Partridge, the father of the little child which
-you found in your bed."
-
-Mr Allworthy exprest great surprize at this account, and the captain
-as great at his ignorance of it; for he said he had known it above a
-month: and at length recollected with much difficulty that he was told
-it by Mrs Wilkins.
-
-Upon this, Wilkins was immediately summoned; who having confirmed what
-the captain had said, was by Mr Allworthy, by and with the captain's
-advice, dispatched to Little Baddington, to inform herself of the
-truth of the fact: for the captain exprest great dislike at all hasty
-proceedings in criminal matters, and said he would by no means have Mr
-Allworthy take any resolution either to the prejudice of the child or
-its father, before he was satisfied that the latter was guilty; for
-though he had privately satisfied himself of this from one of
-Partridge's neighbours, yet he was too generous to give any such
-evidence to Mr Allworthy.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-The trial of Partridge, the schoolmaster, for incontinency; the
-evidence of his wife; a short reflection on the wisdom of our law;
-with other grave matters, which those will like best who understand
-them most.
-
-
-It may be wondered that a story so well known, and which had furnished
-so much matter of conversation, should never have been mentioned to Mr
-Allworthy himself, who was perhaps the only person in that country who
-had never heard of it.
-
-To account in some measure for this to the reader, I think proper to
-inform him, that there was no one in the kingdom less interested in
-opposing that doctrine concerning the meaning of the word charity,
-which hath been seen in the preceding chapter, than our good man.
-Indeed, he was equally intitled to this virtue in either sense; for as
-no man was ever more sensible of the wants, or more ready to relieve
-the distresses of others, so none could be more tender of their
-characters, or slower to believe anything to their disadvantage.
-
-Scandal, therefore, never found any access to his table; for as it
-hath been long since observed that you may know a man by his
-companions, so I will venture to say, that, by attending to the
-conversation at a great man's table, you may satisfy yourself of his
-religion, his politics, his taste, and indeed of his entire
-disposition: for though a few odd fellows will utter their own
-sentiments in all places, yet much the greater part of mankind have
-enough of the courtier to accommodate their conversation to the taste
-and inclination of their superiors.
-
-But to return to Mrs Wilkins, who, having executed her commission with
-great dispatch, though at fifteen miles distance, brought back such a
-confirmation of the schoolmaster's guilt, that Mr Allworthy determined
-to send for the criminal, and examine him _viva voce_. Mr Partridge,
-therefore, was summoned to attend, in order to his defence (if he
-could make any) against this accusation.
-
-At the time appointed, before Mr Allworthy himself, at Paradise-hall,
-came as well the said Partridge, with Anne, his wife, as Mrs Wilkins
-his accuser.
-
-And now Mr Allworthy being seated in the chair of justice, Mr
-Partridge was brought before him. Having heard his accusation from the
-mouth of Mrs Wilkins, he pleaded not guilty, making many vehement
-protestations of his innocence.
-
-Mrs Partridge was then examined, who, after a modest apology for being
-obliged to speak the truth against her husband, related all the
-circumstances with which the reader hath already been acquainted; and
-at last concluded with her husband's confession of his guilt.
-
-Whether she had forgiven him or no, I will not venture to determine;
-but it is certain she was an unwilling witness in this cause; and it
-is probable from certain other reasons, would never have been brought
-to depose as she did, had not Mrs Wilkins, with great art, fished all
-out of her at her own house, and had she not indeed made promises, in
-Mr Allworthy's name, that the punishment of her husband should not be
-such as might anywise affect his family.
-
-Partridge still persisted in asserting his innocence, though he
-admitted he had made the above-mentioned confession; which he however
-endeavoured to account for, by protesting that he was forced into it
-by the continued importunity she used: who vowed, that, as she was
-sure of his guilt, she would never leave tormenting him till he had
-owned it; and faithfully promised, that, in such case, she would never
-mention it to him more. Hence, he said, he had been induced falsely to
-confess himself guilty, though he was innocent; and that he believed
-he should have confest a murder from the same motive.
-
-Mrs Partridge could not bear this imputation with patience; and having
-no other remedy in the present place but tears, she called forth a
-plentiful assistance from them, and then addressing herself to Mr
-Allworthy, she said (or rather cried), "May it please your worship,
-there never was any poor woman so injured as I am by that base man;
-for this is not the only instance of his falsehood to me. No, may it
-please your worship, he hath injured my bed many's the good time and
-often. I could have put up with his drunkenness and neglect of his
-business, if he had not broke one of the sacred commandments. Besides,
-if it had been out of doors I had not mattered it so much; but with my
-own servant, in my own house, under my own roof, to defile my own
-chaste bed, which to be sure he hath, with his beastly stinking
-whores. Yes, you villain, you have defiled my own bed, you have; and
-then you have charged me with bullocking you into owning the truth. It
-is very likely, an't please your worship, that I should bullock him? I
-have marks enow about my body to show of his cruelty to me. If you had
-been a man, you villain, you would have scorned to injure a woman in
-that manner. But you an't half a man, you know it. Nor have you been
-half a husband to me. You need run after whores, you need, when I'm
-sure--And since he provokes me, I am ready, an't please your worship,
-to take my bodily oath that I found them a-bed together. What, you
-have forgot, I suppose, when you beat me into a fit, and made the
-blood run down my forehead, because I only civilly taxed you with
-adultery! but I can prove it by all my neighbours. You have almost
-broke my heart, you have, you have."
-
-Here Mr Allworthy interrupted, and begged her to be pacified,
-promising her that she should have justice; then turning to Partridge,
-who stood aghast, one half of his wits being hurried away by surprize
-and the other half by fear, he said he was sorry to see there was so
-wicked a man in the world. He assured him that his prevaricating and
-lying backward and forward was a great aggravation of his guilt; for
-which the only atonement he could make was by confession and
-repentance. He exhorted him, therefore, to begin by immediately
-confessing the fact, and not to persist in denying what was so plainly
-proved against him even by his own wife.
-
-Here, reader, I beg your patience a moment, while I make a just
-compliment to the great wisdom and sagacity of our law, which refuses
-to admit the evidence of a wife for or against her husband. This, says
-a certain learned author, who, I believe, was never quoted before in
-any but a law-book, would be the means of creating an eternal
-dissension between them. It would, indeed, be the means of much
-perjury, and of much whipping, fining, imprisoning, transporting, and
-hanging.
-
-Partridge stood a while silent, till, being bid to speak, he said he
-had already spoken the truth, and appealed to Heaven for his
-innocence, and lastly to the girl herself, whom he desired his worship
-immediately to send for; for he was ignorant, or at least pretended to
-be so, that she had left that part of the country.
-
-Mr Allworthy, whose natural love of justice, joined to his coolness of
-temper, made him always a most patient magistrate in hearing all the
-witnesses which an accused person could produce in his defence, agreed
-to defer his final determination of this matter till the arrival of
-Jenny, for whom he immediately dispatched a messenger; and then having
-recommended peace between Partridge and his wife (though he addressed
-himself chiefly to the wrong person), he appointed them to attend
-again the third day; for he had sent Jenny a whole day's journey from
-his own house.
-
-At the appointed time the parties all assembled, when the messenger
-returning brought word, that Jenny was not to be found; for that she
-had left her habitation a few days before, in company with a
-recruiting officer.
-
-Mr Allworthy then declared that the evidence of such a slut as she
-appeared to be would have deserved no credit; but he said he could not
-help thinking that, had she been present, and would have declared the
-truth, she must have confirmed what so many circumstances, together
-with his own confession, and the declaration of his wife that she had
-caught her husband in the fact, did sufficiently prove. He therefore
-once more exhorted Partridge to confess; but he still avowing his
-innocence, Mr Allworthy declared himself satisfied of his guilt, and
-that he was too bad a man to receive any encouragement from him. He
-therefore deprived him of his annuity, and recommended repentance to
-him on account of another world, and industry to maintain himself and
-his wife in this.
-
-There were not, perhaps, many more unhappy persons than poor
-Partridge. He had lost the best part of his income by the evidence of
-his wife, and yet was daily upbraided by her for having, among other
-things, been the occasion of depriving her of that benefit; but such
-was his fortune, and he was obliged to submit to it.
-
-Though I called him poor Partridge in the last paragraph, I would have
-the reader rather impute that epithet to the compassion in my temper
-than conceive it to be any declaration of his innocence. Whether he
-was innocent or not will perhaps appear hereafter; but if the historic
-muse hath entrusted me with any secrets, I will by no means be guilty
-of discovering them till she shall give me leave.
-
-Here therefore the reader must suspend his curiosity. Certain it is
-that, whatever was the truth of the case, there was evidence more than
-sufficient to convict him before Allworthy; indeed, much less would
-have satisfied a bench of justices on an order of bastardy; and yet,
-notwithstanding the positiveness of Mrs Partridge, who would have
-taken the sacrament upon the matter, there is a possibility that the
-schoolmaster was entirely innocent: for though it appeared clear on
-comparing the time when Jenny departed from Little Baddington with
-that of her delivery that she had there conceived this infant, yet it
-by no means followed of necessity that Partridge must have been its
-father; for, to omit other particulars, there was in the same house a
-lad near eighteen, between whom and Jenny there had subsisted
-sufficient intimacy to found a reasonable suspicion; and yet, so blind
-is jealousy, this circumstance never once entered into the head of the
-enraged wife.
-
-Whether Partridge repented or not, according to Mr Allworthy's advice,
-is not so apparent. Certain it is that his wife repented heartily of
-the evidence she had given against him: especially when she found Mrs
-Deborah had deceived her, and refused to make any application to Mr
-Allworthy on her behalf. She had, however, somewhat better success
-with Mrs Blifil, who was, as the reader must have perceived, a much
-better-tempered woman, and very kindly undertook to solicit her
-brother to restore the annuity; in which, though good-nature might
-have some share, yet a stronger and more natural motive will appear in
-the next chapter.
-
-These solicitations were nevertheless unsuccessful: for though Mr
-Allworthy did not think, with some late writers, that mercy consists
-only in punishing offenders; yet he was as far from thinking that it
-is proper to this excellent quality to pardon great criminals
-wantonly, without any reason whatever. Any doubtfulness of the fact,
-or any circumstance of mitigation, was never disregarded: but the
-petitions of an offender, or the intercessions of others, did not in
-the least affect him. In a word, he never pardoned because the
-offender himself, or his friends, were unwilling that he should be
-punished.
-
-Partridge and his wife were therefore both obliged to submit to their
-fate; which was indeed severe enough: for so far was he from doubling
-his industry on the account of his lessened income, that he did in a
-manner abandon himself to despair; and as he was by nature indolent,
-that vice now increased upon him, by which means he lost the little
-school he had; so that neither his wife nor himself would have had any
-bread to eat, had not the charity of some good Christian interposed,
-and provided them with what was just sufficient for their sustenance.
-
-As this support was conveyed to them by an unknown hand, they
-imagined, and so, I doubt not, will the reader, that Mr Allworthy
-himself was their secret benefactor; who, though he would not openly
-encourage vice, could yet privately relieve the distresses of the
-vicious themselves, when these became too exquisite and
-disproportionate to their demerit. In which light their wretchedness
-appeared now to Fortune herself; for she at length took pity on this
-miserable couple, and considerably lessened the wretched state of
-Partridge, by putting a final end to that of his wife, who soon after
-caught the small-pox, and died.
-
-The justice which Mr Allworthy had executed on Partridge at first met
-with universal approbation; but no sooner had he felt its
-consequences, than his neighbours began to relent, and to
-compassionate his case; and presently after, to blame that as rigour
-and severity which they before called justice. They now exclaimed
-against punishing in cold blood, and sang forth the praises of mercy
-and forgiveness.
-
-These cries were considerably increased by the death of Mrs Partridge,
-which, though owing to the distemper above mentioned, which is no
-consequence of poverty or distress, many were not ashamed to impute to
-Mr Allworthy's severity, or, as they now termed it, cruelty.
-
-Partridge having now lost his wife, his school, and his annuity, and
-the unknown person having now discontinued the last-mentioned charity,
-resolved to change the scene, and left the country, where he was in
-danger of starving, with the universal compassion of all his
-neighbours.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples may extract from
-hatred: with a short apology for those people who overlook
-imperfections in their friends.
-
-
-Though the captain had effectually demolished poor Partridge, yet had
-he not reaped the harvest he hoped for, which was to turn the
-foundling out of Mr Allworthy's house.
-
-On the contrary, that gentleman grew every day fonder of little Tommy,
-as if he intended to counterbalance his severity to the father with
-extraordinary fondness and affection towards the son.
-
-This a good deal soured the captain's temper, as did all the other
-daily instances of Mr Allworthy's generosity; for he looked on all
-such largesses to be diminutions of his own wealth.
-
-In this, we have said, he did not agree with his wife; nor, indeed, in
-anything else: for though an affection placed on the understanding is,
-by many wise persons, thought more durable than that which is founded
-on beauty, yet it happened otherwise in the present case. Nay, the
-understandings of this couple were their principal bone of contention,
-and one great cause of many quarrels, which from time to time arose
-between them; and which at last ended, on the side of the lady, in a
-sovereign contempt for her husband; and on the husband's, in an utter
-abhorrence of his wife.
-
-As these had both exercised their talents chiefly in the study of
-divinity, this was, from their first acquaintance, the most common
-topic of conversation between them. The captain, like a well-bred man,
-had, before marriage, always given up his opinion to that of the lady;
-and this, not in the clumsy awkward manner of a conceited blockhead,
-who, while he civilly yields to a superior in an argument, is desirous
-of being still known to think himself in the right. The captain, on
-the contrary, though one of the proudest fellows in the world, so
-absolutely yielded the victory to his antagonist, that she, who had
-not the least doubt of his sincerity, retired always from the dispute
-with an admiration of her own understanding and a love for his.
-
-But though this complacence to one whom the captain thoroughly
-despised, was not so uneasy to him as it would have been had any hopes
-of preferment made it necessary to show the same submission to a
-Hoadley, or to some other of great reputation in the science, yet even
-this cost him too much to be endured without some motive. Matrimony,
-therefore, having removed all such motives, he grew weary of this
-condescension, and began to treat the opinions of his wife with that
-haughtiness and insolence, which none but those who deserve some
-contempt themselves can bestow, and those only who deserve no contempt
-can bear.
-
-When the first torrent of tenderness was over, and when, in the calm
-and long interval between the fits, reason began to open the eyes of
-the lady, and she saw this alteration of behaviour in the captain, who
-at length answered all her arguments only with pish and pshaw, she was
-far from enduring the indignity with a tame submission. Indeed, it at
-first so highly provoked her, that it might have produced some
-tragical event, had it not taken a more harmless turn, by filling her
-with the utmost contempt for her husband's understanding, which
-somewhat qualified her hatred towards him; though of this likewise she
-had a pretty moderate share.
-
-The captain's hatred to her was of a purer kind: for as to any
-imperfections in her knowledge or understanding, he no more despised
-her for them, than for her not being six feet high. In his opinion of
-the female sex, he exceeded the moroseness of Aristotle himself: he
-looked on a woman as on an animal of domestic use, of somewhat higher
-consideration than a cat, since her offices were of rather more
-importance; but the difference between these two was, in his
-estimation, so small, that, in his marriage contracted with Mr
-Allworthy's lands and tenements, it would have been pretty equal which
-of them he had taken into the bargain. And yet so tender was his
-pride, that it felt the contempt which his wife now began to express
-towards him; and this, added to the surfeit he had before taken of her
-love, created in him a degree of disgust and abhorrence, perhaps
-hardly to be exceeded.
-
-One situation only of the married state is excluded from pleasure: and
-that is, a state of indifference: but as many of my readers, I hope,
-know what an exquisite delight there is in conveying pleasure to a
-beloved object, so some few, I am afraid, may have experienced the
-satisfaction of tormenting one we hate. It is, I apprehend, to come at
-this latter pleasure, that we see both sexes often give up that ease
-in marriage which they might otherwise possess, though their mate was
-never so disagreeable to them. Hence the wife often puts on fits of
-love and jealousy, nay, even denies herself any pleasure, to disturb
-and prevent those of her husband; and he again, in return, puts
-frequent restraints on himself, and stays at home in company which he
-dislikes, in order to confine his wife to what she equally detests.
-Hence, too, must flow those tears which a widow sometimes so
-plentifully sheds over the ashes of a husband with whom she led a life
-of constant disquiet and turbulency, and whom now she can never hope
-to torment any more.
-
-But if ever any couple enjoyed this pleasure, it was at present
-experienced by the captain and his lady. It was always a sufficient
-reason to either of them to be obstinate in any opinion, that the
-other had previously asserted the contrary. If the one proposed any
-amusement, the other constantly objected to it: they never loved or
-hated, commended or abused, the same person. And for this reason, as
-the captain looked with an evil eye on the little foundling, his wife
-began now to caress it almost equally with her own child.
-
-The reader will be apt to conceive, that this behaviour between the
-husband and wife did not greatly contribute to Mr Allworthy's repose,
-as it tended so little to that serene happiness which he had designed
-for all three from this alliance; but the truth is, though he might be
-a little disappointed in his sanguine expectations, yet he was far
-from being acquainted with the whole matter; for, as the captain was,
-from certain obvious reasons, much on his guard before him, the lady
-was obliged, for fear of her brother's displeasure, to pursue the same
-conduct. In fact, it is possible for a third person to be very
-intimate, nay even to live long in the same house, with a married
-couple, who have any tolerable discretion, and not even guess at the
-sour sentiments which they bear to each other: for though the whole
-day may be sometimes too short for hatred, as well as for love; yet
-the many hours which they naturally spend together, apart from all
-observers, furnish people of tolerable moderation with such ample
-opportunity for the enjoyment of either passion, that, if they love,
-they can support being a few hours in company without toying, or if
-they hate, without spitting in each other's faces.
-
-It is possible, however, that Mr Allworthy saw enough to render him a
-little uneasy; for we are not always to conclude, that a wise man is
-not hurt, because he doth not cry out and lament himself, like those
-of a childish or effeminate temper. But indeed it is possible he might
-see some faults in the captain without any uneasiness at all; for men
-of true wisdom and goodness are contented to take persons and things
-as they are, without complaining of their imperfections, or attempting
-to amend them. They can see a fault in a friend, a relation, or an
-acquaintance, without ever mentioning it to the parties themselves, or
-to any others; and this often without lessening their affection.
-Indeed, unless great discernment be tempered with this overlooking
-disposition, we ought never to contract friendship but with a degree
-of folly which we can deceive; for I hope my friends will pardon me
-when I declare, I know none of them without a fault; and I should be
-sorry if I could imagine I had any friend who could not see mine.
-Forgiveness of this kind we give and demand in turn. It is an exercise
-of friendship, and perhaps none of the least pleasant. And this
-forgiveness we must bestow, without desire of amendment. There is,
-perhaps, no surer mark of folly, than an attempt to correct the
-natural infirmities of those we love. The finest composition of human
-nature, as well as the finest china, may have a flaw in it; and this,
-I am afraid, in either case, is equally incurable; though,
-nevertheless, the pattern may remain of the highest value.
-
-Upon the whole, then, Mr Allworthy certainly saw some imperfections in
-the captain; but as this was a very artful man, and eternally upon his
-guard before him, these appeared to him no more than blemishes in a
-good character, which his goodness made him overlook, and his wisdom
-prevented him from discovering to the captain himself. Very different
-would have been his sentiments had he discovered the whole; which
-perhaps would in time have been the case, had the husband and wife
-long continued this kind of behaviour to each other; but this kind
-Fortune took effectual means to prevent, by forcing the captain to do
-that which rendered him again dear to his wife, and restored all her
-tenderness and affection towards him.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-A receipt to regain the lost affections of a wife, which hath never
-been known to fail in the most desperate cases.
-
-
-The captain was made large amends for the unpleasant minutes which he
-passed in the conversation of his wife (and which were as few as he
-could contrive to make them), by the pleasant meditations he enjoyed
-when alone.
-
-These meditations were entirely employed on Mr Allworthy's fortune;
-for, first, he exercised much thought in calculating, as well as he
-could, the exact value of the whole: which calculations he often saw
-occasion to alter in his own favour: and, secondly and chiefly, he
-pleased himself with intended alterations in the house and gardens,
-and in projecting many other schemes, as well for the improvement of
-the estate as of the grandeur of the place: for this purpose he
-applied himself to the studies of architecture and gardening, and read
-over many books on both these subjects; for these sciences, indeed,
-employed his whole time, and formed his only amusement. He at last
-completed a most excellent plan: and very sorry we are, that it is not
-in our power to present it to our reader, since even the luxury of the
-present age, I believe, would hardly match it. It had, indeed, in a
-superlative degree, the two principal ingredients which serve to
-recommend all great and noble designs of this nature; for it required
-an immoderate expense to execute, and a vast length of time to bring
-it to any sort of perfection. The former of these, the immense wealth
-of which the captain supposed Mr Allworthy possessed, and which he
-thought himself sure of inheriting, promised very effectually to
-supply; and the latter, the soundness of his own constitution, and his
-time of life, which was only what is called middle-age, removed all
-apprehension of his not living to accomplish.
-
-Nothing was wanting to enable him to enter upon the immediate
-execution of this plan, but the death of Mr Allworthy; in calculating
-which he had employed much of his own algebra, besides purchasing
-every book extant that treats of the value of lives, reversions, &c.
-From all which he satisfied himself, that as he had every day a chance
-of this happening, so had he more than an even chance of its happening
-within a few years.
-
-But while the captain was one day busied in deep contemplations of
-this kind, one of the most unlucky as well as unseasonable accidents
-happened to him. The utmost malice of Fortune could, indeed, have
-contrived nothing so cruel, so mal-a-propos, so absolutely destructive
-to all his schemes. In short, not to keep the reader in long suspense,
-just at the very instant when his heart was exulting in meditations on
-the happiness which would accrue to him by Mr Allworthy's death, he
-himself--died of an apoplexy.
-
-This unfortunately befel the captain as he was taking his evening walk
-by himself, so that nobody was present to lend him any assistance, if
-indeed, any assistance could have preserved him. He took, therefore,
-measure of that proportion of soil which was now become adequate to
-all his future purposes, and he lay dead on the ground, a great
-(though not a living) example of the truth of that observation of
-Horace:
-
-        _Tu secanda marmora
-        Locas sub ipsum funus; et sepulchri
-        Immemor, struis domos._
-
-Which sentiment I shall thus give to the English reader: "You provide
-the noblest materials for building, when a pickaxe and a spade are
-only necessary: and build houses of five hundred by a hundred feet,
-forgetting that of six by two."
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-A proof of the infallibility of the foregoing receipt, in the
-lamentations of the widow; with other suitable decorations of death,
-such as physicians, &c., and an epitaph in the true stile.
-
-
-Mr Allworthy, his sister, and another lady, were assembled at the
-accustomed hour in the supper-room, where, having waited a
-considerable time longer than usual, Mr Allworthy first declared he
-began to grow uneasy at the captain's stay (for he was always most
-punctual at his meals); and gave orders that the bell should be rung
-without the doors, and especially towards those walks which the
-captain was wont to use.
-
-All these summons proving ineffectual (for the captain had, by
-perverse accident, betaken himself to a new walk that evening), Mrs
-Blifil declared she was seriously frightened. Upon which the other
-lady, who was one of her most intimate acquaintance, and who well knew
-the true state of her affections, endeavoured all she could to pacify
-her, telling her--To be sure she could not help being uneasy; but that
-she should hope the best. That, perhaps the sweetness of the evening
-had inticed the captain to go farther than his usual walk: or he might
-be detained at some neighbour's. Mrs Blifil answered, No; she was sure
-some accident had befallen him; for that he would never stay out
-without sending her word, as he must know how uneasy it would make
-her. The other lady, having no other arguments to use, betook herself
-to the entreaties usual on such occasions, and begged her not to
-frighten herself, for it might be of very ill consequence to her own
-health; and, filling out a very large glass of wine, advised, and at
-last prevailed with her to drink it.
-
-Mr Allworthy now returned into the parlour; for he had been himself in
-search after the captain. His countenance sufficiently showed the
-consternation he was under, which, indeed, had a good deal deprived
-him of speech; but as grief operates variously on different minds, so
-the same apprehension which depressed his voice, elevated that of Mrs
-Blifil. She now began to bewail herself in very bitter terms, and
-floods of tears accompanied her lamentations; which the lady, her
-companion, declared she could not blame, but at the same time
-dissuaded her from indulging; attempting to moderate the grief of her
-friend by philosophical observations on the many disappointments to
-which human life is daily subject, which, she said, was a sufficient
-consideration to fortify our minds against any accidents, how sudden
-or terrible soever. She said her brother's example ought to teach her
-patience, who, though indeed he could not be supposed as much
-concerned as herself, yet was, doubtless, very uneasy, though his
-resignation to the Divine will had restrained his grief within due
-bounds.
-
-"Mention not my brother," said Mrs Blifil; "I alone am the object of
-your pity. What are the terrors of friendship to what a wife feels on
-these occasions? Oh, he is lost! Somebody hath murdered him--I shall
-never see him more!"--Here a torrent of tears had the same consequence
-with what the suppression had occasioned to Mr Allworthy, and she
-remained silent.
-
-At this interval a servant came running in, out of breath, and cried
-out, The captain was found; and, before he could proceed farther, he
-was followed by two more, bearing the dead body between them.
-
-Here the curious reader may observe another diversity in the
-operations of grief: for as Mr Allworthy had been before silent, from
-the same cause which had made his sister vociferous; so did the
-present sight, which drew tears from the gentleman, put an entire stop
-to those of the lady; who first gave a violent scream, and presently
-after fell into a fit.
-
-The room was soon full of servants, some of whom, with the lady
-visitant, were employed in care of the wife; and others, with Mr
-Allworthy, assisted in carrying off the captain to a warm bed; where
-every method was tried, in order to restore him to life.
-
-And glad should we be, could we inform the reader that both these
-bodies had been attended with equal success; for those who undertook
-the care of the lady succeeded so well, that, after the fit had
-continued a decent time, she again revived, to their great
-satisfaction: but as to the captain, all experiments of bleeding,
-chafing, dropping, &c., proved ineffectual. Death, that inexorable
-judge, had passed sentence on him, and refused to grant him a
-reprieve, though two doctors who arrived, and were fee'd at one and
-the same instant, were his counsel.
-
-These two doctors, whom, to avoid any malicious applications, we shall
-distinguish by the names of Dr Y. and Dr Z., having felt his pulse; to
-wit, Dr Y. his right arm, and Dr Z. his left; both agreed that he was
-absolutely dead; but as to the distemper, or cause of his death, they
-differed; Dr Y. holding that he died of an apoplexy, and Dr Z. of an
-epilepsy.
-
-Hence arose a dispute between the learned men, in which each delivered
-the reasons of their several opinions. These were of such equal force,
-that they served both to confirm either doctor in his own sentiments,
-and made not the least impression on his adversary.
-
-To say the truth, every physician almost hath his favourite disease,
-to which he ascribes all the victories obtained over human nature. The
-gout, the rheumatism, the stone, the gravel, and the consumption, have
-all their several patrons in the faculty; and none more than the
-nervous fever, or the fever on the spirits. And here we may account
-for those disagreements in opinion, concerning the cause of a
-patient's death, which sometimes occur, between the most learned of
-the college; and which have greatly surprized that part of the world
-who have been ignorant of the fact we have above asserted.
-
-The reader may perhaps be surprized, that, instead of endeavouring to
-revive the patient, the learned gentlemen should fall immediately into
-a dispute on the occasion of his death; but in reality all such
-experiments had been made before their arrival: for the captain was
-put into a warm bed, had his veins scarified, his forehead chafed, and
-all sorts of strong drops applied to his lips and nostrils.
-
-The physicians, therefore, finding themselves anticipated in
-everything they ordered, were at a loss how to apply that portion of
-time which it is usual and decent to remain for their fee, and were
-therefore necessitated to find some subject or other for discourse;
-and what could more naturally present itself than that before
-mentioned?
-
-Our doctors were about to take their leave, when Mr Allworthy, having
-given over the captain, and acquiesced in the Divine will, began to
-enquire after his sister, whom he desired them to visit before their
-departure.
-
-This lady was now recovered of her fit, and, to use the common phrase,
-as well as could be expected for one in her condition. The doctors,
-therefore, all previous ceremonies being complied with, as this was a
-new patient, attended, according to desire, and laid hold on each of
-her hands, as they had before done on those of the corpse.
-
-The case of the lady was in the other extreme from that of her
-husband: for as he was past all the assistance of physic, so in
-reality she required none.
-
-There is nothing more unjust than the vulgar opinion, by which
-physicians are misrepresented, as friends to death. On the contrary, I
-believe, if the number of those who recover by physic could be opposed
-to that of the martyrs to it, the former would rather exceed the
-latter. Nay, some are so cautious on this head, that, to avoid a
-possibility of killing the patient, they abstain from all methods of
-curing, and prescribe nothing but what can neither do good nor harm. I
-have heard some of these, with great gravity, deliver it as a maxim,
-"That Nature should be left to do her own work, while the physician
-stands by as it were to clap her on the back, and encourage her when
-she doth well."
-
-So little then did our doctors delight in death, that they discharged
-the corpse after a single fee; but they were not so disgusted with
-their living patient; concerning whose case they immediately agreed,
-and fell to prescribing with great diligence.
-
-Whether, as the lady had at first persuaded her physicians to believe
-her ill, they had now, in return, persuaded her to believe herself so,
-I will not determine; but she continued a whole month with all the
-decorations of sickness. During this time she was visited by
-physicians, attended by nurses, and received constant messages from
-her acquaintance to enquire after her health.
-
-At length the decent time for sickness and immoderate grief being
-expired, the doctors were discharged, and the lady began to see
-company; being altered only from what she was before, by that colour
-of sadness in which she had dressed her person and countenance.
-
-The captain was now interred, and might, perhaps, have already made a
-large progress towards oblivion, had not the friendship of Mr
-Allworthy taken care to preserve his memory, by the following epitaph,
-which was written by a man of as great genius as integrity, and one
-who perfectly well knew the captain.
-
-                              HERE LIES,
-                  IN EXPECTATION OF A JOYFUL RISING,
-                             THE BODY OF
-
-                         CAPTAIN JOHN BLIFIL.
-
-                                LONDON
-                     HAD THE HONOUR OF HIS BIRTH,
-                                OXFORD
-                          OF HIS EDUCATION.
-
-                              HIS PARTS
-                   WERE AN HONOUR TO HIS PROFESSION
-                         AND TO HIS COUNTRY:
-                      HIS LIFE, TO HIS RELIGION
-                          AND HUMAN NATURE.
-                        HE WAS A DUTIFUL SON,
-                          A TENDER HUSBAND,
-                       AN AFFECTIONATE FATHER,
-                         A MOST KIND BROTHER,
-                          A SINCERE FRIEND,
-                         A DEVOUT CHRISTIAN,
-                           AND A GOOD MAN.
-
-                        HIS INCONSOLABLE WIDOW
-                       HATH ERECTED THIS STONE,
-                           THE MONUMENT OF
-                             HIS VIRTUES
-                        AND OF HER AFFECTION.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK III.
-
-CONTAINING THE MOST MEMORABLE TRANSACTIONS WHICH PASSED IN THE FAMILY
-OF MR ALLWORTHY, FROM THE TIME WHEN TOMMY JONES ARRIVED AT THE AGE OF
-FOURTEEN, TILL HE ATTAINED THE AGE OF NINETEEN. IN THIS BOOK THE
-READER MAY PICK UP SOME HINTS CONCERNING THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Containing little or nothing.
-
-
-The reader will be pleased to remember, that, at the beginning of the
-second book of this history, we gave him a hint of our intention to
-pass over several large periods of time, in which nothing happened
-worthy of being recorded in a chronicle of this kind.
-
-In so doing, we do not only consult our own dignity and ease, but the
-good and advantage of the reader: for besides that by these means we
-prevent him from throwing away his time, in reading without either
-pleasure or emolument, we give him, at all such seasons, an
-opportunity of employing that wonderful sagacity, of which he is
-master, by filling up these vacant spaces of time with his own
-conjectures; for which purpose we have taken care to qualify him in
-the preceding pages.
-
-For instance, what reader but knows that Mr Allworthy felt, at first,
-for the loss of his friend, those emotions of grief, which on such
-occasions enter into all men whose hearts are not composed of flint,
-or their heads of as solid materials? Again, what reader doth not know
-that philosophy and religion in time moderated, and at last
-extinguished, this grief? The former of these teaching the folly and
-vanity of it, and the latter correcting it as unlawful, and at the
-same time assuaging it, by raising future hopes and assurances, which
-enable a strong and religious mind to take leave of a friend, on his
-deathbed, with little less indifference than if he was preparing for a
-long journey; and, indeed, with little less hope of seeing him again.
-
-Nor can the judicious reader be at a greater loss on account of Mrs
-Bridget Blifil, who, he may be assured, conducted herself through the
-whole season in which grief is to make its appearance on the outside
-of the body, with the strictest regard to all the rules of custom and
-decency, suiting the alterations of her countenance to the several
-alterations of her habit: for as this changed from weeds to black,
-from black to grey, from grey to white, so did her countenance change
-from dismal to sorrowful, from sorrowful to sad, and from sad to
-serious, till the day came in which she was allowed to return to her
-former serenity.
-
-We have mentioned these two, as examples only of the task which may be
-imposed on readers of the lowest class. Much higher and harder
-exercises of judgment and penetration may reasonably be expected from
-the upper graduates in criticism. Many notable discoveries will, I
-doubt not, be made by such, of the transactions which happened in the
-family of our worthy man, during all the years which we have thought
-proper to pass over: for though nothing worthy of a place in this
-history occurred within that period, yet did several incidents happen
-of equal importance with those reported by the daily and weekly
-historians of the age; in reading which great numbers of persons
-consume a considerable part of their time, very little, I am afraid,
-to their emolument. Now, in the conjectures here proposed, some of the
-most excellent faculties of the mind may be employed to much
-advantage, since it is a more useful capacity to be able to foretel
-the actions of men, in any circumstance, from their characters, than
-to judge of their characters from their actions. The former, I own,
-requires the greater penetration; but may be accomplished by true
-sagacity with no less certainty than the latter.
-
-As we are sensible that much the greatest part of our readers are very
-eminently possessed of this quality, we have left them a space of
-twelve years to exert it in; and shall now bring forth our heroe, at
-about fourteen years of age, not questioning that many have been long
-impatient to be introduced to his acquaintance.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-
-The heroe of this great history appears with very bad omens. A little
-tale of so LOW a kind that some may think it not worth their notice. A
-word or two concerning a squire, and more relating to a gamekeeper and
-a schoolmaster.
-
-As we determined, when we first sat down to write this history, to
-flatter no man, but to guide our pen throughout by the directions of
-truth, we are obliged to bring our heroe on the stage in a much more
-disadvantageous manner than we could wish; and to declare honestly,
-even at his first appearance, that it was the universal opinion of all
-Mr Allworthy's family that he was certainly born to be hanged.
-
-Indeed, I am sorry to say there was too much reason for this
-conjecture; the lad having from his earliest years discovered a
-propensity to many vices, and especially to one which hath as direct a
-tendency as any other to that fate which we have just now observed to
-have been prophetically denounced against him: he had been already
-convicted of three robberies, viz., of robbing an orchard, of stealing
-a duck out of a farmer's yard, and of picking Master Blifil's pocket
-of a ball.
-
-The vices of this young man were, moreover, heightened by the
-disadvantageous light in which they appeared when opposed to the
-virtues of Master Blifil, his companion; a youth of so different a
-cast from little Jones, that not only the family but all the
-neighbourhood resounded his praises. He was, indeed, a lad of a
-remarkable disposition; sober, discreet, and pious beyond his age;
-qualities which gained him the love of every one who knew him: while
-Tom Jones was universally disliked; and many expressed their wonder
-that Mr Allworthy would suffer such a lad to be educated with his
-nephew, lest the morals of the latter should be corrupted by his
-example.
-
-An incident which happened about this time will set the characters of
-these two lads more fairly before the discerning reader than is in the
-power of the longest dissertation.
-
-Tom Jones, who, bad as he is, must serve for the heroe of this
-history, had only one friend among all the servants of the family; for
-as to Mrs Wilkins, she had long since given him up, and was perfectly
-reconciled to her mistress. This friend was the gamekeeper, a fellow
-of a loose kind of disposition, and who was thought not to entertain
-much stricter notions concerning the difference of _meum_ and _tuum_
-than the young gentleman himself. And hence this friendship gave
-occasion to many sarcastical remarks among the domestics, most of
-which were either proverbs before, or at least are become so now; and,
-indeed, the wit of them all may be comprised in that short Latin
-proverb, "_Noscitur a socio;_" which, I think, is thus expressed in
-English, "You may know him by the company he keeps."
-
-To say the truth, some of that atrocious wickedness in Jones, of which
-we have just mentioned three examples, might perhaps be derived from
-the encouragement he had received from this fellow, who, in two or
-three instances, had been what the law calls an accessary after the
-fact: for the whole duck, and great part of the apples, were converted
-to the use of the gamekeeper and his family; though, as Jones alone
-was discovered, the poor lad bore not only the whole smart, but the
-whole blame; both which fell again to his lot on the following
-occasion.
-
-Contiguous to Mr Allworthy's estate was the manor of one of those
-gentlemen who are called preservers of the game. This species of men,
-from the great severity with which they revenge the death of a hare or
-partridge, might be thought to cultivate the same superstition with
-the Bannians in India; many of whom, we are told, dedicate their whole
-lives to the preservation and protection of certain animals; was it
-not that our English Bannians, while they preserve them from other
-enemies, will most unmercifully slaughter whole horse-loads
-themselves; so that they stand clearly acquitted of any such
-heathenish superstition.
-
-I have, indeed, a much better opinion of this kind of men than is
-entertained by some, as I take them to answer the order of Nature, and
-the good purposes for which they were ordained, in a more ample manner
-than many others. Now, as Horace tells us that there are a set of
-human beings
-
-           _Fruges consumere nati,_
-
-"Born to consume the fruits of the earth;" so I make no manner of
-doubt but that there are others
-
-          _Feras consumere nati,_
-
-"Born to consume the beasts of the field;" or, as it is commonly
-called, the game; and none, I believe, will deny but that those
-squires fulfil this end of their creation.
-
-Little Jones went one day a shooting with the gamekeeper; when
-happening to spring a covey of partridges near the border of that
-manor over which Fortune, to fulfil the wise purposes of Nature, had
-planted one of the game consumers, the birds flew into it, and were
-marked (as it is called) by the two sportsmen, in some furze bushes,
-about two or three hundred paces beyond Mr Allworthy's dominions.
-
-Mr Allworthy had given the fellow strict orders, on pain of forfeiting
-his place, never to trespass on any of his neighbours; no more on
-those who were less rigid in this matter than on the lord of this
-manor. With regard to others, indeed, these orders had not been always
-very scrupulously kept; but as the disposition of the gentleman with
-whom the partridges had taken sanctuary was well known, the gamekeeper
-had never yet attempted to invade his territories. Nor had he done it
-now, had not the younger sportsman, who was excessively eager to
-pursue the flying game, over-persuaded him; but Jones being very
-importunate, the other, who was himself keen enough after the sport,
-yielded to his persuasions, entered the manor, and shot one of the
-partridges.
-
-The gentleman himself was at that time on horse-back, at a little
-distance from them; and hearing the gun go off, he immediately made
-towards the place, and discovered poor Tom; for the gamekeeper had
-leapt into the thickest part of the furze-brake, where he had happily
-concealed himself.
-
-The gentleman having searched the lad, and found the partridge upon
-him, denounced great vengeance, swearing he would acquaint Mr
-Allworthy. He was as good as his word: for he rode immediately to his
-house, and complained of the trespass on his manor in as high terms
-and as bitter language as if his house had been broken open, and the
-most valuable furniture stole out of it. He added, that some other
-person was in his company, though he could not discover him; for that
-two guns had been discharged almost in the same instant. And, says he,
-"We have found only this partridge, but the Lord knows what mischief
-they have done."
-
-At his return home, Tom was presently convened before Mr Allworthy. He
-owned the fact, and alledged no other excuse but what was really true,
-viz., that the covey was originally sprung in Mr Allworthy's own
-manor.
-
-Tom was then interrogated who was with him, which Mr Allworthy
-declared he was resolved to know, acquainting the culprit with the
-circumstance of the two guns, which had been deposed by the squire and
-both his servants; but Tom stoutly persisted in asserting that he was
-alone; yet, to say the truth, he hesitated a little at first, which
-would have confirmed Mr Allworthy's belief, had what the squire and
-his servants said wanted any further confirmation.
-
-The gamekeeper, being a suspected person, was now sent for, and the
-question put to him; but he, relying on the promise which Tom had made
-him, to take all upon himself, very resolutely denied being in company
-with the young gentleman, or indeed having seen him the whole
-afternoon.
-
-Mr Allworthy then turned towards Tom, with more than usual anger in
-his countenance, and advised him to confess who was with him;
-repeating, that he was resolved to know. The lad, however, still
-maintained his resolution, and was dismissed with much wrath by Mr
-Allworthy, who told him he should have to the next morning to consider
-of it, when he should be questioned by another person, and in another
-manner.
-
-Poor Jones spent a very melancholy night; and the more so, as he was
-without his usual companion; for Master Blifil was gone abroad on a
-visit with his mother. Fear of the punishment he was to suffer was on
-this occasion his least evil; his chief anxiety being, lest his
-constancy should fail him, and he should be brought to betray the
-gamekeeper, whose ruin he knew must now be the consequence.
-
-Nor did the gamekeeper pass his time much better. He had the same
-apprehensions with the youth; for whose honour he had likewise a much
-tenderer regard than for his skin.
-
-In the morning, when Tom attended the reverend Mr Thwackum, the person
-to whom Mr Allworthy had committed the instruction of the two boys, he
-had the same questions put to him by that gentleman which he had been
-asked the evening before, to which he returned the same answers. The
-consequence of this was, so severe a whipping, that it possibly fell
-little short of the torture with which confessions are in some
-countries extorted from criminals.
-
-Tom bore his punishment with great resolution; and though his master
-asked him, between every stroke, whether he would not confess, he was
-contented to be flead rather than betray his friend, or break the
-promise he had made.
-
-The gamekeeper was now relieved from his anxiety, and Mr Allworthy
-himself began to be concerned at Tom's sufferings: for besides that Mr
-Thwackum, being highly enraged that he was not able to make the boy
-say what he himself pleased, had carried his severity much beyond the
-good man's intention, this latter began now to suspect that the squire
-had been mistaken; which his extreme eagerness and anger seemed to
-make probable; and as for what the servants had said in confirmation
-of their master's account, he laid no great stress upon that. Now, as
-cruelty and injustice were two ideas of which Mr Allworthy could by no
-means support the consciousness a single moment, he sent for Tom, and
-after many kind and friendly exhortations, said, "I am convinced, my
-dear child, that my suspicions have wronged you; I am sorry that you
-have been so severely punished on this account." And at last gave him
-a little horse to make him amends; again repeating his sorrow for what
-had past.
-
-Tom's guilt now flew in his face more than any severity could make it.
-He could more easily bear the lashes of Thwackum, than the generosity
-of Allworthy. The tears burst from his eyes, and he fell upon his
-knees, crying, "Oh, sir, you are too good to me. Indeed you are.
-Indeed I don't deserve it." And at that very instant, from the fulness
-of his heart, had almost betrayed the secret; but the good genius of
-the gamekeeper suggested to him what might be the consequence to the
-poor fellow, and this consideration sealed his lips.
-
-Thwackum did all he could to persuade Allworthy from showing any
-compassion or kindness to the boy, saying, "He had persisted in an
-untruth;" and gave some hints, that a second whipping might probably
-bring the matter to light.
-
-But Mr Allworthy absolutely refused to consent to the experiment. He
-said, the boy had suffered enough already for concealing the truth,
-even if he was guilty, seeing that he could have no motive but a
-mistaken point of honour for so doing.
-
-"Honour!" cryed Thwackum, with some warmth, "mere stubbornness and
-obstinacy! Can honour teach any one to tell a lie, or can any honour
-exist independent of religion?"
-
-This discourse happened at table when dinner was just ended; and there
-were present Mr Allworthy, Mr Thwackum, and a third gentleman, who now
-entered into the debate, and whom, before we proceed any further, we
-shall briefly introduce to our reader's acquaintance.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-The character of Mr Square the philosopher, and of Mr Thwackum the
-divine; with a dispute concerning----
-
-
-The name of this gentleman, who had then resided some time at Mr
-Allworthy's house, was Mr Square. His natural parts were not of the
-first rate, but he had greatly improved them by a learned education.
-He was deeply read in the antients, and a profest master of all the
-works of Plato and Aristotle. Upon which great models he had
-principally formed himself; sometimes according with the opinion of
-the one, and sometimes with that of the other. In morals he was a
-profest Platonist, and in religion he inclined to be an Aristotelian.
-
-But though he had, as we have said, formed his morals on the Platonic
-model, yet he perfectly agreed with the opinion of Aristotle, in
-considering that great man rather in the quality of a philosopher or a
-speculatist, than as a legislator. This sentiment he carried a great
-way; indeed, so far, as to regard all virtue as matter of theory only.
-This, it is true, he never affirmed, as I have heard, to any one; and
-yet upon the least attention to his conduct, I cannot help thinking it
-was his real opinion, as it will perfectly reconcile some
-contradictions which might otherwise appear in his character.
-
-This gentleman and Mr Thwackum scarce ever met without a disputation;
-for their tenets were indeed diametrically opposite to each other.
-Square held human nature to be the perfection of all virtue, and that
-vice was a deviation from our nature, in the same manner as deformity
-of body is. Thwackum, on the contrary, maintained that the human mind,
-since the fall, was nothing but a sink of iniquity, till purified and
-redeemed by grace. In one point only they agreed, which was, in all
-their discourses on morality never to mention the word goodness. The
-favourite phrase of the former, was the natural beauty of virtue; that
-of the latter, was the divine power of grace. The former measured all
-actions by the unalterable rule of right, and the eternal fitness of
-things; the latter decided all matters by authority; but in doing
-this, he always used the scriptures and their commentators, as the
-lawyer doth his Coke upon Lyttleton, where the comment is of equal
-authority with the text.
-
-After this short introduction, the reader will be pleased to remember,
-that the parson had concluded his speech with a triumphant question,
-to which he had apprehended no answer; viz., Can any honour exist
-independent on religion?
-
-To this Square answered; that it was impossible to discourse
-philosophically concerning words, till their meaning was first
-established: that there were scarce any two words of a more vague and
-uncertain signification, than the two he had mentioned; for that there
-were almost as many different opinions concerning honour, as
-concerning religion. "But," says he, "if by honour you mean the true
-natural beauty of virtue, I will maintain it may exist independent of
-any religion whatever. Nay," added he, "you yourself will allow it may
-exist independent of all but one: so will a Mahometan, a Jew, and all
-the maintainers of all the different sects in the world."
-
-Thwackum replied, this was arguing with the usual malice of all the
-enemies to the true Church. He said, he doubted not but that all the
-infidels and hereticks in the world would, if they could, confine
-honour to their own absurd errors and damnable deceptions; "but
-honour," says he, "is not therefore manifold, because there are many
-absurd opinions about it; nor is religion manifold, because there are
-various sects and heresies in the world. When I mention religion, I
-mean the Christian religion; and not only the Christian religion, but
-the Protestant religion; and not only the Protestant religion, but the
-Church of England. And when I mention honour, I mean that mode of
-Divine grace which is not only consistent with, but dependent upon,
-this religion; and is consistent with and dependent upon no other. Now
-to say that the honour I here mean, and which was, I thought, all the
-honour I could be supposed to mean, will uphold, much less dictate an
-untruth, is to assert an absurdity too shocking to be conceived."
-
-"I purposely avoided," says Square, "drawing a conclusion which I
-thought evident from what I have said; but if you perceived it, I am
-sure you have not attempted to answer it. However, to drop the article
-of religion, I think it is plain, from what you have said, that we
-have different ideas of honour; or why do we not agree in the same
-terms of its explanation? I have asserted, that true honour and true
-virtue are almost synonymous terms, and they are both founded on the
-unalterable rule of right, and the eternal fitness of things; to which
-an untruth being absolutely repugnant and contrary, it is certain that
-true honour cannot support an untruth. In this, therefore, I think we
-are agreed; but that this honour can be said to be founded on
-religion, to which it is antecedent, if by religion be meant any
-positive law--"
-
-"I agree," answered Thwackum, with great warmth, "with a man who
-asserts honour to be antecedent to religion! Mr Allworthy, did I
-agree--?"
-
-He was proceeding when Mr Allworthy interposed, telling them very
-coldly, they had both mistaken his meaning; for that he had said
-nothing of true honour.--It is possible, however, he would not have
-easily quieted the disputants, who were growing equally warm, had not
-another matter now fallen out, which put a final end to the
-conversation at present.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing a necessary apology for the author; and a childish
-incident, which perhaps requires an apology likewise.
-
-
-Before I proceed farther, I shall beg leave to obviate some
-misconstructions into which the zeal of some few readers may lead
-them; for I would not willingly give offence to any, especially to men
-who are warm in the cause of virtue or religion.
-
-I hope, therefore, no man will, by the grossest misunderstanding or
-perversion of my meaning, misrepresent me, as endeavouring to cast any
-ridicule on the greatest perfections of human nature; and which do,
-indeed, alone purify and ennoble the heart of man, and raise him above
-the brute creation. This, reader, I will venture to say (and by how
-much the better man you are yourself, by so much the more will you be
-inclined to believe me), that I would rather have buried the
-sentiments of these two persons in eternal oblivion, than have done
-any injury to either of these glorious causes.
-
-On the contrary, it is with a view to their service, that I have taken
-upon me to record the lives and actions of two of their false and
-pretended champions. A treacherous friend is the most dangerous enemy;
-and I will say boldly, that both religion and virtue have received
-more real discredit from hypocrites than the wittiest profligates or
-infidels could ever cast upon them: nay, farther, as these two, in
-their purity, are rightly called the bands of civil society, and are
-indeed the greatest of blessings; so when poisoned and corrupted with
-fraud, pretence, and affectation, they have become the worst of civil
-curses, and have enabled men to perpetrate the most cruel mischiefs to
-their own species.
-
-Indeed, I doubt not but this ridicule will in general be allowed: my
-chief apprehension is, as many true and just sentiments often came
-from the mouths of these persons, lest the whole should be taken
-together, and I should be conceived to ridicule all alike. Now the
-reader will be pleased to consider, that, as neither of these men were
-fools, they could not be supposed to have holden none but wrong
-principles, and to have uttered nothing but absurdities; what
-injustice, therefore, must I have done to their characters, had I
-selected only what was bad! And how horribly wretched and maimed must
-their arguments have appeared!
-
-Upon the whole, it is not religion or virtue, but the want of them,
-which is here exposed. Had not Thwackum too much neglected virtue, and
-Square, religion, in the composition of their several systems, and had
-not both utterly discarded all natural goodness of heart, they had
-never been represented as the objects of derision in this history; in
-which we will now proceed.
-
-This matter then, which put an end to the debate mentioned in the last
-chapter, was no other than a quarrel between Master Blifil and Tom
-Jones, the consequence of which had been a bloody nose to the former;
-for though Master Blifil, notwithstanding he was the younger, was in
-size above the other's match, yet Tom was much his superior at the
-noble art of boxing.
-
-Tom, however, cautiously avoided all engagements with that youth; for
-besides that Tommy Jones was an inoffensive lad amidst all his
-roguery, and really loved Blifil, Mr Thwackum being always the second
-of the latter, would have been sufficient to deter him.
-
-But well says a certain author, No man is wise at all hours; it is
-therefore no wonder that a boy is not so. A difference arising at play
-between the two lads, Master Blifil called Tom a beggarly bastard.
-Upon which the latter, who was somewhat passionate in his disposition,
-immediately caused that phenomenon in the face of the former, which we
-have above remembered.
-
-Master Blifil now, with his blood running from his nose, and the tears
-galloping after from his eyes, appeared before his uncle and the
-tremendous Thwackum. In which court an indictment of assault, battery,
-and wounding, was instantly preferred against Tom; who in his excuse
-only pleaded the provocation, which was indeed all the matter that
-Master Blifil had omitted.
-
-It is indeed possible that this circumstance might have escaped his
-memory; for, in his reply, he positively insisted, that he had made
-use of no such appellation; adding, "Heaven forbid such naughty words
-should ever come out of his mouth!"
-
-Tom, though against all form of law, rejoined in affirmance of the
-words. Upon which Master Blifil said, "It is no wonder. Those who will
-tell one fib, will hardly stick at another. If I had told my master
-such a wicked fib as you have done, I should be ashamed to show my
-face."
-
-"What fib, child?" cries Thwackum pretty eagerly.
-
-"Why, he told you that nobody was with him a shooting when he killed
-the partridge; but he knows" (here he burst into a flood of tears),
-"yes, he knows, for he confessed it to me, that Black George the
-gamekeeper was there. Nay, he said--yes you did--deny it if you can,
-that you would not have confest the truth, though master had cut you
-to pieces."
-
-At this the fire flashed from Thwackum's eyes, and he cried out in
-triumph--"Oh! ho! this is your mistaken notion of honour! This is the
-boy who was not to be whipped again!" But Mr Allworthy, with a more
-gentle aspect, turned towards the lad, and said, "Is this true, child?
-How came you to persist so obstinately in a falsehood?"
-
-Tom said, "He scorned a lie as much as any one: but he thought his
-honour engaged him to act as he did; for he had promised the poor
-fellow to conceal him: which," he said, "he thought himself farther
-obliged to, as the gamekeeper had begged him not to go into the
-gentleman's manor, and had at last gone himself, in compliance with
-his persuasions." He said, "This was the whole truth of the matter,
-and he would take his oath of it;" and concluded with very
-passionately begging Mr Allworthy "to have compassion on the poor
-fellow's family, especially as he himself only had been guilty, and
-the other had been very difficultly prevailed on to do what he did.
-Indeed, sir," said he, "it could hardly be called a lie that I told;
-for the poor fellow was entirely innocent of the whole matter. I
-should have gone alone after the birds; nay, I did go at first, and he
-only followed me to prevent more mischief. Do, pray, sir, let me be
-punished; take my little horse away again; but pray, sir, forgive poor
-George."
-
-Mr Allworthy hesitated a few moments, and then dismissed the boys,
-advising them to live more friendly and peaceably together.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-The opinions of the divine and the philosopher concerning the two
-boys; with some reasons for their opinions, and other matters.
-
-
-It is probable, that by disclosing this secret, which had been
-communicated in the utmost confidence to him, young Blifil preserved
-his companion from a good lashing; for the offence of the bloody nose
-would have been of itself sufficient cause for Thwackum to have
-proceeded to correction; but now this was totally absorbed in the
-consideration of the other matter; and with regard to this, Mr
-Allworthy declared privately, he thought the boy deserved reward
-rather than punishment, so that Thwackum's hand was withheld by a
-general pardon.
-
-Thwackum, whose meditations were full of birch, exclaimed against this
-weak, and, as he said he would venture to call it, wicked lenity. To
-remit the punishment of such crimes was, he said, to encourage them.
-He enlarged much on the correction of children, and quoted many texts
-from Solomon, and others; which being to be found in so many other
-books, shall not be found here. He then applied himself to the vice of
-lying, on which head he was altogether as learned as he had been on
-the other.
-
-Square said, he had been endeavouring to reconcile the behaviour of
-Tom with his idea of perfect virtue, but could not. He owned there was
-something which at first sight appeared like fortitude in the action;
-but as fortitude was a virtue, and falsehood a vice, they could by no
-means agree or unite together. He added, that as this was in some
-measure to confound virtue and vice, it might be worth Mr Thwackum's
-consideration, whether a larger castigation might not be laid on upon
-the account.
-
-As both these learned men concurred in censuring Jones, so were they
-no less unanimous in applauding Master Blifil. To bring truth to
-light, was by the parson asserted to be the duty of every religious
-man; and by the philosopher this was declared to be highly conformable
-with the rule of right, and the eternal and unalterable fitness of
-things.
-
-All this, however, weighed very little with Mr Allworthy. He could not
-be prevailed on to sign the warrant for the execution of Jones. There
-was something within his own breast with which the invincible fidelity
-which that youth had preserved, corresponded much better than it had
-done with the religion of Thwackum, or with the virtue of Square. He
-therefore strictly ordered the former of these gentlemen to abstain
-from laying violent hands on Tom for what had past. The pedagogue was
-obliged to obey those orders; but not without great reluctance, and
-frequent mutterings that the boy would be certainly spoiled.
-
-Towards the gamekeeper the good man behaved with more severity. He
-presently summoned that poor fellow before him, and after many bitter
-remonstrances, paid him his wages, and dismist him from his service;
-for Mr Allworthy rightly observed, that there was a great difference
-between being guilty of a falsehood to excuse yourself, and to excuse
-another. He likewise urged, as the principal motive to his inflexible
-severity against this man, that he had basely suffered Tom Jones to
-undergo so heavy a punishment for his sake, whereas he ought to have
-prevented it by making the discovery himself.
-
-When this story became public, many people differed from Square and
-Thwackum, in judging the conduct of the two lads on the occasion.
-Master Blifil was generally called a sneaking rascal, a poor-spirited
-wretch, with other epithets of the like kind; whilst Tom was honoured
-with the appellations of a brave lad, a jolly dog, and an honest
-fellow. Indeed, his behaviour to Black George much ingratiated him
-with all the servants; for though that fellow was before universally
-disliked, yet he was no sooner turned away than he was as universally
-pitied; and the friendship and gallantry of Tom Jones was celebrated
-by them all with the highest applause; and they condemned Master
-Blifil as openly as they durst, without incurring the danger of
-offending his mother. For all this, however, poor Tom smarted in the
-flesh; for though Thwackum had been inhibited to exercise his arm on
-the foregoing account, yet, as the proverb says, It is easy to find a
-stick, &c. So was it easy to find a rod; and, indeed, the not being
-able to find one was the only thing which could have kept Thwackum any
-long time from chastising poor Jones.
-
-Had the bare delight in the sport been the only inducement to the
-pedagogue, it is probable Master Blifil would likewise have had his
-share; but though Mr Allworthy had given him frequent orders to make
-no difference between the lads, yet was Thwackum altogether as kind
-and gentle to this youth, as he was harsh, nay even barbarous, to the
-other. To say the truth, Blifil had greatly gained his master's
-affections; partly by the profound respect he always showed his
-person, but much more by the decent reverence with which he received
-his doctrine; for he had got by heart, and frequently repeated, his
-phrases, and maintained all his master's religious principles with a
-zeal which was surprizing in one so young, and which greatly endeared
-him to the worthy preceptor.
-
-Tom Jones, on the other hand, was not only deficient in outward tokens
-of respect, often forgetting to pull off his hat, or to bow at his
-master's approach; but was altogether as unmindful both of his
-master's precepts and example. He was indeed a thoughtless, giddy
-youth, with little sobriety in his manners, and less in his
-countenance; and would often very impudently and indecently laugh at
-his companion for his serious behaviour.
-
-Mr Square had the same reason for his preference of the former lad;
-for Tom Jones showed no more regard to the learned discourses which
-this gentleman would sometimes throw away upon him, than to those of
-Thwackum. He once ventured to make a jest of the rule of right; and at
-another time said, he believed there was no rule in the world capable
-of making such a man as his father (for so Mr Allworthy suffered
-himself to be called).
-
-Master Blifil, on the contrary, had address enough at sixteen to
-recommend himself at one and the same time to both these opposites.
-With one he was all religion, with the other he was all virtue. And
-when both were present, he was profoundly silent, which both
-interpreted in his favour and in their own.
-
-Nor was Blifil contented with flattering both these gentlemen to their
-faces; he took frequent occasions of praising them behind their backs
-to Allworthy; before whom, when they two were alone, and his uncle
-commended any religious or virtuous sentiment (for many such came
-constantly from him) he seldom failed to ascribe it to the good
-instructions he had received from either Thwackum or Square; for he
-knew his uncle repeated all such compliments to the persons for whose
-use they were meant; and he found by experience the great impressions
-which they made on the philosopher, as well as on the divine: for, to
-say the truth, there is no kind of flattery so irresistible as this,
-at second hand.
-
-The young gentleman, moreover, soon perceived how extremely grateful
-all those panegyrics on his instructors were to Mr Allworthy himself,
-as they so loudly resounded the praise of that singular plan of
-education which he had laid down; for this worthy man having observed
-the imperfect institution of our public schools, and the many vices
-which boys were there liable to learn, had resolved to educate his
-nephew, as well as the other lad, whom he had in a manner adopted, in
-his own house; where he thought their morals would escape all that
-danger of being corrupted to which they would be unavoidably exposed
-in any public school or university.
-
-Having, therefore, determined to commit these boys to the tuition of a
-private tutor, Mr Thwackum was recommended to him for that office, by
-a very particular friend, of whose understanding Mr Allworthy had a
-great opinion, and in whose integrity he placed much confidence. This
-Thwackum was fellow of a college, where he almost entirely resided;
-and had a great reputation for learning, religion, and sobriety of
-manners. And these were doubtless the qualifications by which Mr
-Allworthy's friend had been induced to recommend him; though indeed
-this friend had some obligations to Thwackum's family, who were the
-most considerable persons in a borough which that gentleman
-represented in parliament.
-
-Thwackum, at his first arrival, was extremely agreeable to Allworthy;
-and indeed he perfectly answered the character which had been given of
-him. Upon longer acquaintance, however, and more intimate
-conversation, this worthy man saw infirmities in the tutor, which he
-could have wished him to have been without; though as those seemed
-greatly overbalanced by his good qualities, they did not incline Mr
-Allworthy to part with him: nor would they indeed have justified such
-a proceeding; for the reader is greatly mistaken, if he conceives that
-Thwackum appeared to Mr Allworthy in the same light as he doth to him
-in this history; and he is as much deceived, if he imagines that the
-most intimate acquaintance which he himself could have had with that
-divine, would have informed him of those things which we, from our
-inspiration, are enabled to open and discover. Of readers who, from
-such conceits as these, condemn the wisdom or penetration of Mr
-Allworthy, I shall not scruple to say, that they make a very bad and
-ungrateful use of that knowledge which we have communicated to them.
-
-These apparent errors in the doctrine of Thwackum served greatly to
-palliate the contrary errors in that of Square, which our good man no
-less saw and condemned. He thought, indeed, that the different
-exuberancies of these gentlemen would correct their different
-imperfections; and that from both, especially with his assistance, the
-two lads would derive sufficient precepts of true religion and virtue.
-If the event happened contrary to his expectations, this possibly
-proceeded from some fault in the plan itself; which the reader hath my
-leave to discover, if he can: for we do not pretend to introduce any
-infallible characters into this history; where we hope nothing will be
-found which hath never yet been seen in human nature.
-
-To return therefore: the reader will not, I think, wonder that the
-different behaviour of the two lads above commemorated, produced the
-different effects of which he hath already seen some instance; and
-besides this, there was another reason for the conduct of the
-philosopher and the pedagogue; but this being matter of great
-importance, we shall reveal it in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Containing a better reason still for the before-mentioned opinions.
-
-
-It is to be known then, that those two learned personages, who have
-lately made a considerable figure on the theatre of this history, had,
-from their first arrival at Mr Allworthy's house, taken so great an
-affection, the one to his virtue, the other to his religion, that they
-had meditated the closest alliance with him.
-
-For this purpose they had cast their eyes on that fair widow, whom,
-though we have not for some time made any mention of her, the reader,
-we trust, hath not forgot. Mrs Blifil was indeed the object to which
-they both aspired.
-
-It may seem remarkable, that, of four persons whom we have
-commemorated at Mr Allworthy's house, three of them should fix their
-inclinations on a lady who was never greatly celebrated for her
-beauty, and who was, moreover, now a little descended into the vale of
-years; but in reality bosom friends, and intimate acquaintance, have a
-kind of natural propensity to particular females at the house of a
-friend--viz., to his grandmother, mother, sister, daughter, aunt,
-niece, or cousin, when they are rich; and to his wife, sister,
-daughter, niece, cousin, mistress, or servant-maid, if they should be
-handsome.
-
-We would not, however, have our reader imagine, that persons of such
-characters as were supported by Thwackum and Square, would undertake a
-matter of this kind, which hath been a little censured by some rigid
-moralists, before they had thoroughly examined it, and considered
-whether it was (as Shakespear phrases it) "Stuff o' th' conscience,"
-or no. Thwackum was encouraged to the undertaking by reflecting that
-to covet your neighbour's sister is nowhere forbidden: and he knew it
-was a rule in the construction of all laws, that "_Expressum facit
-cessare tacitum._" The sense of which is, "When a lawgiver sets down
-plainly his whole meaning, we are prevented from making him mean what
-we please ourselves." As some instances of women, therefore, are
-mentioned in the divine law, which forbids us to covet our neighbour's
-goods, and that of a sister omitted, he concluded it to be lawful. And
-as to Square, who was in his person what is called a jolly fellow, or
-a widow's man, he easily reconciled his choice to the eternal fitness
-of things.
-
-Now, as both of these gentlemen were industrious in taking every
-opportunity of recommending themselves to the widow, they apprehended
-one certain method was, by giving her son the constant preference to
-the other lad; and as they conceived the kindness and affection which
-Mr Allworthy showed the latter, must be highly disagreeable to her,
-they doubted not but the laying hold on all occasions to degrade and
-vilify him, would be highly pleasing to her; who, as she hated the
-boy, must love all those who did him any hurt. In this Thwackum had
-the advantage; for while Square could only scarify the poor lad's
-reputation, he could flea his skin; and, indeed, he considered every
-lash he gave him as a compliment paid to his mistress; so that he
-could, with the utmost propriety, repeat this old flogging line,
-_"Castigo te non quod odio habeam, sed quod_ AMEM. I chastise thee not
-out of hatred, but out of love." And this, indeed, he often had in his
-mouth, or rather, according to the old phrase, never more properly
-applied, at his fingers' ends.
-
-For this reason, principally, the two gentlemen concurred, as we have
-seen above, in their opinion concerning the two lads; this being,
-indeed, almost the only instance of their concurring on any point;
-for, beside the difference of their principles, they had both long ago
-strongly suspected each other's design, and hated one another with no
-little degree of inveteracy.
-
-This mutual animosity was a good deal increased by their alternate
-successes; for Mrs Blifil knew what they would be at long before they
-imagined it; or, indeed, intended she should: for they proceeded with
-great caution, lest she should be offended, and acquaint Mr Allworthy.
-But they had no reason for any such fear; she was well enough pleased
-with a passion, of which she intended none should have any fruits but
-herself. And the only fruits she designed for herself were, flattery
-and courtship; for which purpose she soothed them by turns, and a long
-time equally. She was, indeed, rather inclined to favour the parson's
-principles; but Square's person was more agreeable to her eye, for he
-was a comely man; whereas the pedagogue did in countenance very nearly
-resemble that gentleman, who, in the Harlot's Progress, is seen
-correcting the ladies in Bridewell.
-
-Whether Mrs Blifil had been surfeited with the sweets of marriage, or
-disgusted by its bitters, or from what other cause it proceeded, I
-will not determine; but she could never be brought to listen to any
-second proposals. However, she at last conversed with Square with such
-a degree of intimacy that malicious tongues began to whisper things of
-her, to which, as well for the sake of the lady, as that they were
-highly disagreeable to the rule of right and the fitness of things, we
-will give no credit, and therefore shall not blot our paper with them.
-The pedagogue, 'tis certain, whipped on, without getting a step nearer
-to his journey's end.
-
-Indeed he had committed a great error, and that Square discovered much
-sooner than himself. Mrs Blifil (as, perhaps, the reader may have
-formerly guessed) was not over and above pleased with the behaviour of
-her husband; nay, to be honest, she absolutely hated him, till his
-death at last a little reconciled him to her affections. It will not
-be therefore greatly wondered at, if she had not the most violent
-regard to the offspring she had by him. And, in fact, she had so
-little of this regard, that in his infancy she seldom saw her son, or
-took any notice of him; and hence she acquiesced, after a little
-reluctance, in all the favours which Mr Allworthy showered on the
-foundling; whom the good man called his own boy, and in all things put
-on an entire equality with Master Blifil. This acquiescence in Mrs
-Blifil was considered by the neighbours, and by the family, as a mark
-of her condescension to her brother's humour, and she was imagined by
-all others, as well as Thwackum and Square, to hate the foundling in
-her heart; nay, the more civility she showed him, the more they
-conceived she detested him, and the surer schemes she was laying for
-his ruin: for as they thought it her interest to hate him, it was very
-difficult for her to persuade them she did not.
-
-Thwackum was the more confirmed in his opinion, as she had more than
-once slily caused him to whip Tom Jones, when Mr Allworthy, who was an
-enemy to this exercise, was abroad; whereas she had never given any
-such orders concerning young Blifil. And this had likewise imposed
-upon Square. In reality, though she certainly hated her own son--of
-which, however monstrous it appears, I am assured she is not a
-singular instance--she appeared, notwithstanding all her outward
-compliance, to be in her heart sufficiently displeased with all the
-favour shown by Mr Allworthy to the foundling. She frequently
-complained of this behind her brother's back, and very sharply
-censured him for it, both to Thwackum and Square; nay, she would throw
-it in the teeth of Allworthy himself, when a little quarrel, or miff,
-as it is vulgarly called, arose between them.
-
-However, when Tom grew up, and gave tokens of that gallantry of temper
-which greatly recommends men to women, this disinclination which she
-had discovered to him when a child, by degrees abated, and at last she
-so evidently demonstrated her affection to him to be much stronger
-than what she bore her own son, that it was impossible to mistake her
-any longer. She was so desirous of often seeing him, and discovered
-such satisfaction and delight in his company, that before he was
-eighteen years old he was become a rival to both Square and Thwackum;
-and what is worse, the whole country began to talk as loudly of her
-inclination to Tom, as they had before done of that which she had
-shown to Square: on which account the philosopher conceived the most
-implacable hatred for our poor heroe.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which the author himself makes his appearance on the stage.
-
-
-Though Mr Allworthy was not of himself hasty to see things in a
-disadvantageous light, and was a stranger to the public voice, which
-seldom reaches to a brother or a husband, though it rings in the ears
-of all the neighbourhood; yet was this affection of Mrs Blifil to Tom,
-and the preference which she too visibly gave him to her own son, of
-the utmost disadvantage to that youth.
-
-For such was the compassion which inhabited Mr Allworthy's mind, that
-nothing but the steel of justice could ever subdue it. To be
-unfortunate in any respect was sufficient, if there was no demerit to
-counterpoise it, to turn the scale of that good man's pity, and to
-engage his friendship and his benefaction.
-
-When therefore he plainly saw Master Blifil was absolutely detested
-(for that he was) by his own mother, he began, on that account only,
-to look with an eye of compassion upon him; and what the effects of
-compassion are, in good and benevolent minds, I need not here explain
-to most of my readers.
-
-Henceforward he saw every appearance of virtue in the youth through
-the magnifying end, and viewed all his faults with the glass inverted,
-so that they became scarce perceptible. And this perhaps the amiable
-temper of pity may make commendable; but the next step the weakness of
-human nature alone must excuse; for he no sooner perceived that
-preference which Mrs Blifil gave to Tom, than that poor youth (however
-innocent) began to sink in his affections as he rose in hers. This, it
-is true, would of itself alone never have been able to eradicate Jones
-from his bosom; but it was greatly injurious to him, and prepared Mr
-Allworthy's mind for those impressions which afterwards produced the
-mighty events that will be contained hereafter in this history; and to
-which, it must be confest, the unfortunate lad, by his own wantonness,
-wildness, and want of caution, too much contributed.
-
-In recording some instances of these, we shall, if rightly understood,
-afford a very useful lesson to those well-disposed youths who shall
-hereafter be our readers; for they may here find, that goodness of
-heart, and openness of temper, though these may give them great
-comfort within, and administer to an honest pride in their own minds,
-will by no means, alas! do their business in the world. Prudence and
-circumspection are necessary even to the best of men. They are indeed,
-as it were, a guard to Virtue, without which she can never be safe. It
-is not enough that your designs, nay, that your actions, are
-intrinsically good; you must take care they shall appear so. If your
-inside be never so beautiful, you must preserve a fair outside also.
-This must be constantly looked to, or malice and envy will take care
-to blacken it so, that the sagacity and goodness of an Allworthy will
-not be able to see through it, and to discern the beauties within. Let
-this, my young readers, be your constant maxim, that no man can be
-good enough to enable him to neglect the rules of prudence; nor will
-Virtue herself look beautiful, unless she be bedecked with the outward
-ornaments of decency and decorum. And this precept, my worthy
-disciples, if you read with due attention, you will, I hope, find
-sufficiently enforced by examples in the following pages.
-
-I ask pardon for this short appearance, by way of chorus, on the
-stage. It is in reality for my own sake, that, while I am discovering
-the rocks on which innocence and goodness often split, I may not be
-misunderstood to recommend the very means to my worthy readers, by
-which I intend to show them they will be undone. And this, as I could
-not prevail on any of my actors to speak, I myself was obliged to
-declare.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-A childish incident, in which, however, is seen a good-natured
-disposition in Tom Jones.
-
-
-The reader may remember that Mr Allworthy gave Tom Jones a little
-horse, as a kind of smart-money for the punishment which he imagined
-he had suffered innocently.
-
-This horse Tom kept above half a year, and then rode him to a
-neighbouring fair, and sold him.
-
-At his return, being questioned by Thwackum what he had done with the
-money for which the horse was sold, he frankly declared he would not
-tell him.
-
-"Oho!" says Thwackum, "you will not! then I will have it out of your
-br--h;" that being the place to which he always applied for
-information on every doubtful occasion.
-
-Tom was now mounted on the back of a footman, and everything prepared
-for execution, when Mr Allworthy, entering the room, gave the criminal
-a reprieve, and took him with him into another apartment; where, being
-alone with Tom, he put the same question to him which Thwackum had
-before asked him.
-
-Tom answered, he could in duty refuse him nothing; but as for that
-tyrannical rascal, he would never make him any other answer than with
-a cudgel, with which he hoped soon to be able to pay him for all his
-barbarities.
-
-Mr Allworthy very severely reprimanded the lad for his indecent and
-disrespectful expressions concerning his master; but much more for his
-avowing an intention of revenge. He threatened him with the entire
-loss of his favour, if he ever heard such another word from his mouth;
-for, he said, he would never support or befriend a reprobate. By these
-and the like declarations, he extorted some compunction from Tom, in
-which that youth was not over-sincere; for he really meditated some
-return for all the smarting favours he had received at the hands of
-the pedagogue. He was, however, brought by Mr Allworthy to express a
-concern for his resentment against Thwackum; and then the good man,
-after some wholesome admonition, permitted him to proceed, which he
-did as follows:--
-
-"Indeed, my dear sir, I love and honour you more than all the world: I
-know the great obligations I have to you, and should detest myself if
-I thought my heart was capable of ingratitude. Could the little horse
-you gave me speak, I am sure he could tell you how fond I was of your
-present; for I had more pleasure in feeding him than in riding him.
-Indeed, sir, it went to my heart to part with him; nor would I have
-sold him upon any other account in the world than what I did. You
-yourself, sir, I am convinced, in my case, would have done the same:
-for none ever so sensibly felt the misfortunes of others. What would
-you feel, dear sir, if you thought yourself the occasion of them?
-Indeed, sir, there never was any misery like theirs."
-
-"Like whose, child?" says Allworthy: "What do you mean?"
-
-"Oh, sir!" answered Tom, "your poor gamekeeper, with all his large
-family, ever since your discarding him, have been perishing with all
-the miseries of cold and hunger: I could not bear to see these poor
-wretches naked and starving, and at the same time know myself to have
-been the occasion of all their sufferings. I could not bear it, sir;
-upon my soul, I could not." [Here the tears ran down his cheeks, and
-he thus proceeded.] "It was to save them from absolute destruction I
-parted with your dear present, notwithstanding all the value I had for
-it: I sold the horse for them, and they have every farthing of the
-money."
-
-Mr Allworthy now stood silent for some moments, and before he spoke
-the tears started from his eyes. He at length dismissed Tom with a
-gentle rebuke, advising him for the future to apply to him in cases of
-distress, rather than to use extraordinary means of relieving them
-himself.
-
-This affair was afterwards the subject of much debate between Thwackum
-and Square. Thwackum held, that this was flying in Mr Allworthy's
-face, who had intended to punish the fellow for his disobedience. He
-said, in some instances, what the world called charity appeared to him
-to be opposing the will of the Almighty, which had marked some
-particular persons for destruction; and that this was in like manner
-acting in opposition to Mr Allworthy; concluding, as usual, with a
-hearty recommendation of birch.
-
-Square argued strongly on the other side, in opposition perhaps to
-Thwackum, or in compliance with Mr Allworthy, who seemed very much to
-approve what Jones had done. As to what he urged on this occasion, as
-I am convinced most of my readers will be much abler advocates for
-poor Jones, it would be impertinent to relate it. Indeed it was not
-difficult to reconcile to the rule of right an action which it would
-have been impossible to deduce from the rule of wrong.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing an incident of a more heinous kind, with the comments of
-Thwackum and Square.
-
-
-It hath been observed by some man of much greater reputation for
-wisdom than myself, that misfortunes seldom come single. An instance
-of this may, I believe, be seen in those gentlemen who have the
-misfortune to have any of their rogueries detected; for here discovery
-seldom stops till the whole is come out. Thus it happened to poor Tom;
-who was no sooner pardoned for selling the horse, than he was
-discovered to have some time before sold a fine Bible which Mr
-Allworthy gave him, the money arising from which sale he had disposed
-of in the same manner. This Bible Master Blifil had purchased, though
-he had already such another of his own, partly out of respect for the
-book, and partly out of friendship to Tom, being unwilling that the
-Bible should be sold out of the family at half-price. He therefore
-deposited the said half-price himself; for he was a very prudent lad,
-and so careful of his money, that he had laid up almost every penny
-which he had received from Mr Allworthy.
-
-Some people have been noted to be able to read in no book but their
-own. On the contrary, from the time when Master Blifil was first
-possessed of this Bible, he never used any other. Nay, he was seen
-reading in it much oftener than he had before been in his own. Now, as
-he frequently asked Thwackum to explain difficult passages to him,
-that gentleman unfortunately took notice of Tom's name, which was
-written in many parts of the book. This brought on an inquiry, which
-obliged Master Blifil to discover the whole matter.
-
-Thwackum was resolved a crime of this kind, which he called sacrilege,
-should not go unpunished. He therefore proceeded immediately to
-castigation: and not contented with that he acquainted Mr Allworthy,
-at their next meeting, with this monstrous crime, as it appeared to
-him: inveighing against Tom in the most bitter terms, and likening him
-to the buyers and sellers who were driven out of the temple.
-
-Square saw this matter in a very different light. He said, he could
-not perceive any higher crime in selling one book than in selling
-another. That to sell Bibles was strictly lawful by all laws both
-Divine and human, and consequently there was no unfitness in it. He
-told Thwackum, that his great concern on this occasion brought to his
-mind the story of a very devout woman, who, out of pure regard to
-religion, stole Tillotson's Sermons from a lady of her acquaintance.
-
-This story caused a vast quantity of blood to rush into the parson's
-face, which of itself was none of the palest; and he was going to
-reply with great warmth and anger, had not Mrs Blifil, who was present
-at this debate, interposed. That lady declared herself absolutely of
-Mr Square's side. She argued, indeed, very learnedly in support of his
-opinion; and concluded with saying, if Tom had been guilty of any
-fault, she must confess her own son appeared to be equally culpable;
-for that she could see no difference between the buyer and the seller;
-both of whom were alike to be driven out of the temple.
-
-Mrs Blifil having declared her opinion, put an end to the debate.
-Square's triumph would almost have stopt his words, had he needed
-them; and Thwackum, who, for reasons before-mentioned, durst not
-venture at disobliging the lady, was almost choaked with indignation.
-As to Mr Allworthy, he said, since the boy had been already punished
-he would not deliver his sentiments on the occasion; and whether he
-was or was not angry with the lad, I must leave to the reader's own
-conjecture.
-
-Soon after this, an action was brought against the gamekeeper by
-Squire Western (the gentleman in whose manor the partridge was
-killed), for depredations of the like kind. This was a most
-unfortunate circumstance for the fellow, as it not only of itself
-threatened his ruin, but actually prevented Mr Allworthy from
-restoring him to his favour: for as that gentleman was walking out one
-evening with Master Blifil and young Jones, the latter slily drew him
-to the habitation of Black George; where the family of that poor
-wretch, namely, his wife and children, were found in all the misery
-with which cold, hunger, and nakedness, can affect human creatures:
-for as to the money they had received from Jones, former debts had
-consumed almost the whole.
-
-Such a scene as this could not fail of affecting the heart of Mr
-Allworthy. He immediately gave the mother a couple of guineas, with
-which he bid her cloath her children. The poor woman burst into tears
-at this goodness, and while she was thanking him, could not refrain
-from expressing her gratitude to Tom; who had, she said, long
-preserved both her and hers from starving. "We have not," says she,
-"had a morsel to eat, nor have these poor children had a rag to put
-on, but what his goodness hath bestowed on us." For, indeed, besides
-the horse and the Bible, Tom had sacrificed a night-gown, and other
-things, to the use of this distressed family.
-
-On their return home, Tom made use of all his eloquence to display the
-wretchedness of these people, and the penitence of Black George
-himself; and in this he succeeded so well, that Mr Allworthy said, he
-thought the man had suffered enough for what was past; that he would
-forgive him, and think of some means of providing for him and his
-family.
-
-Jones was so delighted with this news, that, though it was dark when
-they returned home, he could not help going back a mile, in a shower
-of rain, to acquaint the poor woman with the glad tidings; but, like
-other hasty divulgers of news, he only brought on himself the trouble
-of contradicting it: for the ill fortune of Black George made use of
-the very opportunity of his friend's absence to overturn all again.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-In which Master Blifil and Jones appear in different lights.
-
-
-Master Blifil fell very short of his companion in the amiable quality
-of mercy; but he as greatly exceeded him in one of a much higher kind,
-namely, in justice: in which he followed both the precepts and example
-of Thwackum and Square; for though they would both make frequent use
-of the word mercy, yet it was plain that in reality Square held it to
-be inconsistent with the rule of right; and Thwackum was for doing
-justice, and leaving mercy to heaven. The two gentlemen did indeed
-somewhat differ in opinion concerning the objects of this sublime
-virtue; by which Thwackum would probably have destroyed one half of
-mankind, and Square the other half.
-
-Master Blifil then, though he had kept silence in the presence of
-Jones, yet, when he had better considered the matter, could by no
-means endure the thought of suffering his uncle to confer favours on
-the undeserving. He therefore resolved immediately to acquaint him
-with the fact which we have above slightly hinted to the readers. The
-truth of which was as follows:
-
-The gamekeeper, about a year after he was dismissed from Mr
-Allworthy's service, and before Tom's selling the horse, being in want
-of bread, either to fill his own mouth or those of his family, as he
-passed through a field belonging to Mr Western espied a hare sitting
-in her form. This hare he had basely and barbarously knocked on the
-head, against the laws of the land, and no less against the laws of
-sportsmen.
-
-The higgler to whom the hare was sold, being unfortunately taken many
-months after with a quantity of game upon him, was obliged to make his
-peace with the squire, by becoming evidence against some poacher. And
-now Black George was pitched upon by him, as being a person already
-obnoxious to Mr Western, and one of no good fame in the country. He
-was, besides, the best sacrifice the higgler could make, as he had
-supplied him with no game since; and by this means the witness had an
-opportunity of screening his better customers: for the squire, being
-charmed with the power of punishing Black George, whom a single
-transgression was sufficient to ruin, made no further enquiry.
-
-Had this fact been truly laid before Mr Allworthy, it might probably
-have done the gamekeeper very little mischief. But there is no zeal
-blinder than that which is inspired with the love of justice against
-offenders. Master Blifil had forgot the distance of the time. He
-varied likewise in the manner of the fact: and by the hasty addition
-of the single letter S he considerably altered the story; for he said
-that George had wired hares. These alterations might probably have
-been set right, had not Master Blifil unluckily insisted on a promise
-of secrecy from Mr Allworthy before he revealed the matter to him; but
-by that means the poor gamekeeper was condemned without having an
-opportunity to defend himself: for as the fact of killing the hare,
-and of the action brought, were certainly true, Mr Allworthy had no
-doubt concerning the rest.
-
-Short-lived then was the joy of these poor people; for Mr Allworthy
-the next morning declared he had fresh reason, without assigning it,
-for his anger, and strictly forbad Tom to mention George any more:
-though as for his family, he said he would endeavour to keep them from
-starving; but as to the fellow himself, he would leave him to the
-laws, which nothing could keep him from breaking.
-
-Tom could by no means divine what had incensed Mr Allworthy, for of
-Master Blifil he had not the least suspicion. However, as his
-friendship was to be tired out by no disappointments, he now
-determined to try another method of preserving the poor gamekeeper
-from ruin.
-
-Jones was lately grown very intimate with Mr Western. He had so
-greatly recommended himself to that gentleman, by leaping over
-five-barred gates, and by other acts of sportsmanship, that the squire
-had declared Tom would certainly make a great man if he had but
-sufficient encouragement. He often wished he had himself a son with
-such parts; and one day very solemnly asserted at a drinking bout,
-that Tom should hunt a pack of hounds for a thousand pound of his
-money, with any huntsman in the whole country.
-
-By such kind of talents he had so ingratiated himself with the squire,
-that he was a most welcome guest at his table, and a favourite
-companion in his sport: everything which the squire held most dear, to
-wit, his guns, dogs, and horses, were now as much at the command of
-Jones, as if they had been his own. He resolved therefore to make use
-of this favour on behalf of his friend Black George, whom he hoped to
-introduce into Mr Western's family, in the same capacity in which he
-had before served Mr Allworthy.
-
-The reader, if he considers that this fellow was already obnoxious to
-Mr Western, and if he considers farther the weighty business by which
-that gentleman's displeasure had been incurred, will perhaps condemn
-this as a foolish and desperate undertaking; but if he should totally
-condemn young Jones on that account, he will greatly applaud him for
-strengthening himself with all imaginable interest on so arduous an
-occasion.
-
-For this purpose, then, Tom applied to Mr Western's daughter, a young
-lady of about seventeen years of age, whom her father, next after
-those necessary implements of sport just before mentioned, loved and
-esteemed above all the world. Now, as she had some influence on the
-squire, so Tom had some little influence on her. But this being the
-intended heroine of this work, a lady with whom we ourselves are
-greatly in love, and with whom many of our readers will probably be in
-love too, before we part, it is by no means proper she should make her
-appearance at the end of a book.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK IV.
-
-CONTAINING THE TIME OF A YEAR.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Containing five pages of paper.
-
-
-As truth distinguishes our writings from those idle romances which are
-filled with monsters, the productions, not of nature, but of
-distempered brains; and which have been therefore recommended by an
-eminent critic to the sole use of the pastry-cook; so, on the other
-hand, we would avoid any resemblance to that kind of history which a
-celebrated poet seems to think is no less calculated for the emolument
-of the brewer, as the reading it should be always attended with a
-tankard of good ale--
-
-     While--history with her comrade ale,
-     Soothes the sad series of her serious tale
-
-For as this is the liquor of modern historians, nay, perhaps their
-muse, if we may believe the opinion of Butler, who attributes
-inspiration to ale, it ought likewise to be the potation of their
-readers, since every book ought to be read with the same spirit and in
-the same manner as it is writ. Thus the famous author of Hurlothrumbo
-told a learned bishop, that the reason his lordship could not taste
-the excellence of his piece was, that he did not read it with a fiddle
-in his hand; which instrument he himself had always had in his own,
-when he composed it.
-
-That our work, therefore, might be in no danger of being likened to
-the labours of these historians, we have taken every occasion of
-interspersing through the whole sundry similes, descriptions, and
-other kind of poetical embellishments. These are, indeed, designed to
-supply the place of the said ale, and to refresh the mind, whenever
-those slumbers, which in a long work are apt to invade the reader as
-well as the writer, shall begin to creep upon him. Without
-interruptions of this kind, the best narrative of plain matter of fact
-must overpower every reader; for nothing but the ever lasting
-watchfulness, which Homer has ascribed only to Jove himself, can be
-proof against a newspaper of many volumes.
-
-We shall leave to the reader to determine with what judgment we have
-chosen the several occasions for inserting those ornamental parts of
-our work. Surely it will be allowed that none could be more proper
-than the present, where we are about to introduce a considerable
-character on the scene; no less, indeed, than the heroine of this
-heroic, historical, prosaic poem. Here, therefore, we have thought
-proper to prepare the mind of the reader for her reception, by filling
-it with every pleasing image which we can draw from the face of
-nature. And for this method we plead many precedents. First, this is
-an art well known to, and much practised by, our tragick poets, who
-seldom fail to prepare their audience for the reception of their
-principal characters.
-
-Thus the heroe is always introduced with a flourish of drums and
-trumpets, in order to rouse a martial spirit in the audience, and to
-accommodate their ears to bombast and fustian, which Mr Locke's blind
-man would not have grossly erred in likening to the sound of a
-trumpet. Again, when lovers are coming forth, soft music often
-conducts them on the stage, either to soothe the audience with the
-softness of the tender passion, or to lull and prepare them for that
-gentle slumber in which they will most probably be composed by the
-ensuing scene.
-
-And not only the poets, but the masters of these poets, the managers
-of playhouses, seem to be in this secret; for, besides the aforesaid
-kettle-drums, &c., which denote the heroe's approach, he is generally
-ushered on the stage by a large troop of half a dozen scene-shifters;
-and how necessary these are imagined to his appearance, may be
-concluded from the following theatrical story:--
-
-King Pyrrhus was at dinner at an ale-house bordering on the theatre,
-when he was summoned to go on the stage. The heroe, being unwilling to
-quit his shoulder of mutton, and as unwilling to draw on himself the
-indignation of Mr Wilks (his brother-manager) for making the audience
-wait, had bribed these his harbingers to be out of the way. While Mr
-Wilks, therefore, was thundering out, "Where are the carpenters to
-walk on before King Pyrrhus?" that monarch very quietly eat his
-mutton, and the audience, however impatient, were obliged to entertain
-themselves with music in his absence.
-
-To be plain, I much question whether the politician, who hath
-generally a good nose, hath not scented out somewhat of the utility of
-this practice. I am convinced that awful magistrate my lord-mayor
-contracts a good deal of that reverence which attends him through the
-year, by the several pageants which precede his pomp. Nay, I must
-confess, that even I myself, who am not remarkably liable to be
-captivated with show, have yielded not a little to the impressions of
-much preceding state. When I have seen a man strutting in a
-procession, after others whose business was only to walk before him, I
-have conceived a higher notion of his dignity than I have felt on
-seeing him in a common situation. But there is one instance, which
-comes exactly up to my purpose. This is the custom of sending on a
-basket-woman, who is to precede the pomp at a coronation, and to strew
-the stage with flowers, before the great personages begin their
-procession. The antients would certainly have invoked the goddess
-Flora for this purpose, and it would have been no difficulty for their
-priests, or politicians to have persuaded the people of the real
-presence of the deity, though a plain mortal had personated her and
-performed her office. But we have no such design of imposing on our
-reader; and therefore those who object to the heathen theology, may,
-if they please, change our goddess into the above-mentioned
-basket-woman. Our intention, in short, is to introduce our heroine
-with the utmost solemnity in our power, with an elevation of stile,
-and all other circumstances proper to raise the veneration of our
-reader.--Indeed we would, for certain causes, advise those of our male
-readers who have any hearts, to read no farther, were we not well
-assured, that how amiable soever the picture of our heroine will
-appear, as it is really a copy from nature, many of our fair
-countrywomen will be found worthy to satisfy any passion, and to
-answer any idea of female perfection which our pencil will be able to
-raise.
-
-And now, without any further preface, we proceed to our next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-A short hint of what we can do in the sublime, and a description of
-Miss Sophia Western.
-
-
-Hushed be every ruder breath. May the heathen ruler of the winds
-confine in iron chains the boisterous limbs of noisy Boreas, and the
-sharp-pointed nose of bitter-biting Eurus. Do thou, sweet Zephyrus,
-rising from thy fragrant bed, mount the western sky, and lead on those
-delicious gales, the charms of which call forth the lovely Flora from
-her chamber, perfumed with pearly dews, when on the 1st of June, her
-birth-day, the blooming maid, in loose attire, gently trips it over
-the verdant mead, where every flower rises to do her homage, till the
-whole field becomes enamelled, and colours contend with sweets which
-shall ravish her most.
-
-So charming may she now appear! and you the feathered choristers of
-nature, whose sweetest notes not even Handel can excell, tune your
-melodious throats to celebrate her appearance. From love proceeds your
-music, and to love it returns. Awaken therefore that gentle passion in
-every swain: for lo! adorned with all the charms in which nature can
-array her; bedecked with beauty, youth, sprightliness, innocence,
-modesty, and tenderness, breathing sweetness from her rosy lips, and
-darting brightness from her sparkling eyes, the lovely Sophia comes!
-
-Reader, perhaps thou hast seen the statue of the _Venus de Medicis_.
-Perhaps, too, thou hast seen the gallery of beauties at Hampton Court.
-Thou may'st remember each bright Churchill of the galaxy, and all the
-toasts of the Kit-cat. Or, if their reign was before thy times, at
-least thou hast seen their daughters, the no less dazzling beauties of
-the present age; whose names, should we here insert, we apprehend they
-would fill the whole volume.
-
-Now if thou hast seen all these, be not afraid of the rude answer
-which Lord Rochester once gave to a man who had seen many things. No.
-If thou hast seen all these without knowing what beauty is, thou hast
-no eyes; if without feeling its power, thou hast no heart.
-
-Yet is it possible, my friend, that thou mayest have seen all these
-without being able to form an exact idea of Sophia; for she did not
-exactly resemble any of them. She was most like the picture of Lady
-Ranelagh: and, I have heard, more still to the famous dutchess of
-Mazarine; but most of all she resembled one whose image never can
-depart from my breast, and whom, if thou dost remember, thou hast
-then, my friend, an adequate idea of Sophia.
-
-But lest this should not have been thy fortune, we will endeavour with
-our utmost skill to describe this paragon, though we are sensible that
-our highest abilities are very inadequate to the task.
-
-Sophia, then, the only daughter of Mr Western, was a middle-sized
-woman; but rather inclining to tall. Her shape was not only exact, but
-extremely delicate: and the nice proportion of her arms promised the
-truest symmetry in her limbs. Her hair, which was black, was so
-luxuriant, that it reached her middle, before she cut it to comply
-with the modern fashion; and it was now curled so gracefully in her
-neck, that few could believe it to be her own. If envy could find any
-part of the face which demanded less commendation than the rest, it
-might possibly think her forehead might have been higher without
-prejudice to her. Her eyebrows were full, even, and arched beyond the
-power of art to imitate. Her black eyes had a lustre in them, which
-all her softness could not extinguish. Her nose was exactly regular,
-and her mouth, in which were two rows of ivory, exactly answered Sir
-John Suckling's description in those lines:--
-
-      Her lips were red, and one was thin,
-      Compar'd to that was next her chin.
-         Some bee had stung it newly.
-
-Her cheeks were of the oval kind; and in her right she had a dimple,
-which the least smile discovered. Her chin had certainly its share in
-forming the beauty of her face; but it was difficult to say it was
-either large or small, though perhaps it was rather of the former
-kind. Her complexion had rather more of the lily than of the rose; but
-when exercise or modesty increased her natural colour, no vermilion
-could equal it. Then one might indeed cry out with the celebrated Dr
-Donne:
-
-     --Her pure and eloquent blood
-     Spoke in her cheeks, and so distinctly wrought
-     That one might almost say her body thought.
-
-Her neck was long and finely turned: and here, if I was not afraid of
-offending her delicacy, I might justly say, the highest beauties of
-the famous _Venus de Medicis_ were outdone. Here was whiteness which
-no lilies, ivory, nor alabaster could match. The finest cambric might
-indeed be supposed from envy to cover that bosom which was much whiter
-than itself.--It was indeed,
-
-     _Nitor splendens Pario marmore purius_.
-
-     A gloss shining beyond the purest brightness of Parian marble.
-
-Such was the outside of Sophia; nor was this beautiful frame disgraced
-by an inhabitant unworthy of it. Her mind was every way equal to her
-person; nay, the latter borrowed some charms from the former; for when
-she smiled, the sweetness of her temper diffused that glory over her
-countenance which no regularity of features can give. But as there are
-no perfections of the mind which do not discover themselves in that
-perfect intimacy to which we intend to introduce our reader with this
-charming young creature, so it is needless to mention them here: nay,
-it is a kind of tacit affront to our reader's understanding, and may
-also rob him of that pleasure which he will receive in forming his own
-judgment of her character.
-
-It may, however, be proper to say, that whatever mental
-accomplishments she had derived from nature, they were somewhat
-improved and cultivated by art: for she had been educated under the
-care of an aunt, who was a lady of great discretion, and was
-thoroughly acquainted with the world, having lived in her youth about
-the court, whence she had retired some years since into the country.
-By her conversation and instructions, Sophia was perfectly well bred,
-though perhaps she wanted a little of that ease in her behaviour which
-is to be acquired only by habit, and living within what is called the
-polite circle. But this, to say the truth, is often too dearly
-purchased; and though it hath charms so inexpressible, that the
-French, perhaps, among other qualities, mean to express this, when
-they declare they know not what it is; yet its absence is well
-compensated by innocence; nor can good sense and a natural gentility
-ever stand in need of it.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Wherein the history goes back to commemorate a trifling incident that
-happened some years since; but which, trifling as it was, had some
-future consequences.
-
-
-The amiable Sophia was now in her eighteenth year, when she is
-introduced into this history. Her father, as hath been said, was
-fonder of her than of any other human creature. To her, therefore, Tom
-Jones applied, in order to engage her interest on the behalf of his
-friend the gamekeeper.
-
-But before we proceed to this business, a short recapitulation of some
-previous matters may be necessary.
-
-Though the different tempers of Mr Allworthy and of Mr Western did not
-admit of a very intimate correspondence, yet they lived upon what is
-called a decent footing together; by which means the young people of
-both families had been acquainted from their infancy; and as they were
-all near of the same age, had been frequent playmates together.
-
-The gaiety of Tom's temper suited better with Sophia, than the grave
-and sober disposition of Master Blifil. And the preference which she
-gave the former of these, would often appear so plainly, that a lad of
-a more passionate turn than Master Blifil was, might have shown some
-displeasure at it.
-
-As he did not, however, outwardly express any such disgust, it would
-be an ill office in us to pay a visit to the inmost recesses of his
-mind, as some scandalous people search into the most secret affairs of
-their friends, and often pry into their closets and cupboards, only to
-discover their poverty and meanness to the world.
-
-However, as persons who suspect they have given others cause of
-offence, are apt to conclude they are offended; so Sophia imputed an
-action of Master Blifil to his anger, which the superior sagacity of
-Thwackum and Square discerned to have arisen from a much better
-principle.
-
-Tom Jones, when very young, had presented Sophia with a little bird,
-which he had taken from the nest, had nursed up, and taught to sing.
-
-Of this bird, Sophia, then about thirteen years old, was so extremely
-fond, that her chief business was to feed and tend it, and her chief
-pleasure to play with it. By these means little Tommy, for so the bird
-was called, was become so tame, that it would feed out of the hand of
-its mistress, would perch upon the finger, and lie contented in her
-bosom, where it seemed almost sensible of its own happiness; though
-she always kept a small string about its leg, nor would ever trust it
-with the liberty of flying away.
-
-One day, when Mr Allworthy and his whole family dined at Mr Western's,
-Master Blifil, being in the garden with little Sophia, and observing
-the extreme fondness that she showed for her little bird, desired her
-to trust it for a moment in his hands. Sophia presently complied with
-the young gentleman's request, and after some previous caution,
-delivered him her bird; of which he was no sooner in possession, than
-he slipt the string from its leg and tossed it into the air.
-
-The foolish animal no sooner perceived itself at liberty, than
-forgetting all the favours it had received from Sophia, it flew
-directly from her, and perched on a bough at some distance.
-
-Sophia, seeing her bird gone, screamed out so loud, that Tom Jones,
-who was at a little distance, immediately ran to her assistance.
-
-He was no sooner informed of what had happened, than he cursed Blifil
-for a pitiful malicious rascal; and then immediately stripping off his
-coat he applied himself to climbing the tree to which the bird
-escaped.
-
-Tom had almost recovered his little namesake, when the branch on which
-it was perched, and that hung over a canal, broke, and the poor lad
-plumped over head and ears into the water.
-
-Sophia's concern now changed its object. And as she apprehended the
-boy's life was in danger, she screamed ten times louder than before;
-and indeed Master Blifil himself now seconded her with all the
-vociferation in his power.
-
-The company, who were sitting in a room next the garden, were
-instantly alarmed, and came all forth; but just as they reached the
-canal, Tom (for the water was luckily pretty shallow in that part)
-arrived safely on shore.
-
-Thwackum fell violently on poor Tom, who stood dropping and shivering
-before him, when Mr Allworthy desired him to have patience; and
-turning to Master Blifil, said, "Pray, child, what is the reason of
-all this disturbance?"
-
-Master Blifil answered, "Indeed, uncle, I am very sorry for what I
-have done; I have been unhappily the occasion of it all. I had Miss
-Sophia's bird in my hand, and thinking the poor creature languished
-for liberty, I own I could not forbear giving it what it desired; for
-I always thought there was something very cruel in confining anything.
-It seemed to be against the law of nature, by which everything hath a
-right to liberty; nay, it is even unchristian, for it is not doing
-what we would be done by; but if I had imagined Miss Sophia would have
-been so much concerned at it, I am sure I never would have done it;
-nay, if I had known what would have happened to the bird itself: for
-when Master Jones, who climbed up that tree after it, fell into the
-water, the bird took a second flight, and presently a nasty hawk
-carried it away."
-
-Poor Sophia, who now first heard of her little Tommy's fate (for her
-concern for Jones had prevented her perceiving it when it happened),
-shed a shower of tears. These Mr Allworthy endeavoured to assuage,
-promising her a much finer bird: but she declared she would never have
-another. Her father chid her for crying so for a foolish bird; but
-could not help telling young Blifil, if he was a son of his, his
-backside should be well flead.
-
-Sophia now returned to her chamber, the two young gentlemen were sent
-home, and the rest of the company returned to their bottle; where a
-conversation ensued on the subject of the bird, so curious, that we
-think it deserves a chapter by itself.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing such very deep and grave matters, that some readers,
-perhaps, may not relish it.
-
-
-Square had no sooner lighted his pipe, than, addressing himself to
-Allworthy, he thus began: "Sir, I cannot help congratulating you on
-your nephew; who, at an age when few lads have any ideas but of
-sensible objects, is arrived at a capacity of distinguishing right
-from wrong. To confine anything, seems to me against the law of
-nature, by which everything hath a right to liberty. These were his
-words; and the impression they have made on me is never to be
-eradicated. Can any man have a higher notion of the rule of right, and
-the eternal fitness of things? I cannot help promising myself, from
-such a dawn, that the meridian of this youth will be equal to that of
-either the elder or the younger Brutus."
-
-Here Thwackum hastily interrupted, and spilling some of his wine, and
-swallowing the rest with great eagerness, answered, "From another
-expression he made use of, I hope he will resemble much better men.
-The law of nature is a jargon of words, which means nothing. I know
-not of any such law, nor of any right which can be derived from it. To
-do as we would be done by, is indeed a Christian motive, as the boy
-well expressed himself; and I am glad to find my instructions have
-borne such good fruit."
-
-"If vanity was a thing fit," says Square, "I might indulge some on the
-same occasion; for whence only he can have learnt his notions of right
-or wrong, I think is pretty apparent. If there be no law of nature,
-there is no right nor wrong."
-
-"How!" says the parson, "do you then banish revelation? Am I talking
-with a deist or an atheist?"
-
-"Drink about," says Western. "Pox of your laws of nature! I don't know
-what you mean, either of you, by right and wrong. To take away my
-girl's bird was wrong, in my opinion; and my neighbour Allworthy may
-do as he pleases; but to encourage boys in such practices, is to breed
-them up to the gallows."
-
-Allworthy answered, "That he was sorry for what his nephew had done,
-but could not consent to punish him, as he acted rather from a
-generous than unworthy motive." He said, "If the boy had stolen the
-bird, none would have been more ready to vote for a severe
-chastisement than himself; but it was plain that was not his design:"
-and, indeed, it was as apparent to him, that he could have no other
-view but what he had himself avowed. (For as to that malicious purpose
-which Sophia suspected, it never once entered into the head of Mr
-Allworthy.) He at length concluded with again blaming the action as
-inconsiderate, and which, he said, was pardonable only in a child.
-
-Square had delivered his opinion so openly, that if he was now silent,
-he must submit to have his judgment censured. He said, therefore, with
-some warmth, "That Mr Allworthy had too much respect to the dirty
-consideration of property. That in passing our judgments on great and
-mighty actions, all private regards should be laid aside; for by
-adhering to those narrow rules, the younger Brutus had been condemned
-of ingratitude, and the elder of parricide."
-
-"And if they had been hanged too for those crimes," cried Thwackum,
-"they would have had no more than their deserts. A couple of
-heathenish villains! Heaven be praised we have no Brutuses now-a-days!
-I wish, Mr Square, you would desist from filling the minds of my
-pupils with such antichristian stuff; for the consequence must be,
-while they are under my care, its being well scourged out of them
-again. There is your disciple Tom almost spoiled already. I overheard
-him the other day disputing with Master Blifil that there was no merit
-in faith without works. I know that is one of your tenets, and I
-suppose he had it from you."
-
-"Don't accuse me of spoiling him," says Square. "Who taught him to
-laugh at whatever is virtuous and decent, and fit and right in the
-nature of things? He is your own scholar, and I disclaim him. No, no,
-Master Blifil is my boy. Young as he is, that lad's notions of moral
-rectitude I defy you ever to eradicate."
-
-Thwackum put on a contemptuous sneer at this, and replied, "Ay, ay, I
-will venture him with you. He is too well grounded for all your
-philosophical cant to hurt. No, no, I have taken care to instil such
-principles into him--"
-
-"And I have instilled principles into him too," cries Square. "What
-but the sublime idea of virtue could inspire a human mind with the
-generous thought of giving liberty? And I repeat to you again, if it
-was a fit thing to be proud, I might claim the honour of having
-infused that idea."--
-
-"And if pride was not forbidden," said Thwackum, "I might boast of
-having taught him that duty which he himself assigned as his motive."
-
-"So between you both," says the squire, "the young gentleman hath been
-taught to rob my daughter of her bird. I find I must take care of my
-partridge-mew. I shall have some virtuous religious man or other set
-all my partridges at liberty." Then slapping a gentleman of the law,
-who was present, on the back, he cried out, "What say you to this, Mr
-Counsellor? Is not this against law?"
-
-The lawyer with great gravity delivered himself as follows:--
-
-"If the case be put of a partridge, there can be no doubt but an
-action would lie; for though this be _ferae naturae_, yet being
-reclaimed, property vests: but being the case of a singing bird,
-though reclaimed, as it is a thing of base nature, it must be
-considered as _nullius in bonis_. In this case, therefore, I conceive
-the plaintiff must be non-suited; and I should disadvise the bringing
-any such action."
-
-"Well," says the squire, "if it be _nullus bonus_, let us drink about,
-and talk a little of the state of the nation, or some such discourse
-that we all understand; for I am sure I don't understand a word of
-this. It may be learning and sense for aught I know: but you shall
-never persuade me into it. Pox! you have neither of you mentioned a
-word of that poor lad who deserves to be commended: to venture
-breaking his neck to oblige my girl was a generous-spirited action: I
-have learning enough to see that. D--n me, here's Tom's health! I
-shall love the boy for it the longest day I have to live."
-
-Thus was the debate interrupted; but it would probably have been soon
-resumed, had not Mr Allworthy presently called for his coach, and
-carried off the two combatants.
-
-Such was the conclusion of this adventure of the bird, and of the
-dialogue occasioned by it; which we could not help recounting to our
-reader, though it happened some years before that stage or period of
-time at which our history is now arrived.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Containing matter accommodated to every taste.
-
-
-"Parva leves capiunt animos--Small things affect light minds," was the
-sentiment of a great master of the passion of love. And certain it is,
-that from this day Sophia began to have some little kindness for Tom
-Jones, and no little aversion for his companion.
-
-Many accidents from time to time improved both these passions in her
-breast; which, without our recounting, the reader may well conclude,
-from what we have before hinted of the different tempers of these
-lads, and how much the one suited with her own inclinations more than
-the other. To say the truth, Sophia, when very young, discerned that
-Tom, though an idle, thoughtless, rattling rascal, was nobody's enemy
-but his own; and that Master Blifil, though a prudent, discreet, sober
-young gentleman, was at the same time strongly attached to the
-interest only of one single person; and who that single person was the
-reader will be able to divine without any assistance of ours.
-
-These two characters are not always received in the world with the
-different regard which seems severally due to either; and which one
-would imagine mankind, from self-interest, should show towards them.
-But perhaps there may be a political reason for it: in finding one of
-a truly benevolent disposition, men may very reasonably suppose they
-have found a treasure, and be desirous of keeping it, like all other
-good things, to themselves. Hence they may imagine, that to trumpet
-forth the praises of such a person, would, in the vulgar phrase, be
-crying Roast-meat, and calling in partakers of what they intend to
-apply solely to their own use. If this reason does not satisfy the
-reader, I know no other means of accounting for the little respect
-which I have commonly seen paid to a character which really does great
-honour to human nature, and is productive of the highest good to
-society. But it was otherwise with Sophia. She honoured Tom Jones, and
-scorned Master Blifil, almost as soon as she knew the meaning of those
-two words.
-
-Sophia had been absent upwards of three years with her aunt; during
-all which time she had seldom seen either of these young gentlemen.
-She dined, however, once, together with her aunt, at Mr Allworthy's.
-This was a few days after the adventure of the partridge, before
-commemorated. Sophia heard the whole story at table, where she said
-nothing: nor indeed could her aunt get many words from her as she
-returned home; but her maid, when undressing her, happening to say,
-"Well, miss, I suppose you have seen young Master Blifil to-day?" she
-answered with much passion, "I hate the name of Master Blifil, as I do
-whatever is base and treacherous: and I wonder Mr Allworthy would
-suffer that old barbarous schoolmaster to punish a poor boy so cruelly
-for what was only the effect of his good-nature." She then recounted
-the story to her maid, and concluded with saying, "Don't you think he
-is a boy of noble spirit?"
-
-This young lady was now returned to her father; who gave her the
-command of his house, and placed her at the upper end of his table,
-where Tom (who for his great love of hunting was become a great
-favourite of the squire) often dined. Young men of open, generous
-dispositions are naturally inclined to gallantry, which, if they have
-good understandings, as was in reality Tom's case, exerts itself in an
-obliging complacent behaviour to all women in general. This greatly
-distinguished Tom from the boisterous brutality of mere country
-squires on the one hand, and from the solemn and somewhat sullen
-deportment of Master Blifil on the other; and he began now, at twenty,
-to have the name of a pretty fellow among all the women in the
-neighbourhood.
-
-Tom behaved to Sophia with no particularity, unless perhaps by showing
-her a higher respect than he paid to any other. This distinction her
-beauty, fortune, sense, and amiable carriage, seemed to demand; but as
-to design upon her person he had none; for which we shall at present
-suffer the reader to condemn him of stupidity; but perhaps we shall be
-able indifferently well to account for it hereafter.
-
-Sophia, with the highest degree of innocence and modesty, had a
-remarkable sprightliness in her temper. This was so greatly increased
-whenever she was in company with Tom, that had he not been very young
-and thoughtless, he must have observed it: or had not Mr Western's
-thoughts been generally either in the field, the stable, or the
-dog-kennel, it might have perhaps created some jealousy in him: but so
-far was the good gentleman from entertaining any such suspicions, that
-he gave Tom every opportunity with his daughter which any lover could
-have wished; and this Tom innocently improved to better advantage, by
-following only the dictates of his natural gallantry and good-nature,
-than he might perhaps have done had he had the deepest designs on the
-young lady.
-
-But indeed it can occasion little wonder that this matter escaped the
-observation of others, since poor Sophia herself never remarked it;
-and her heart was irretrievably lost before she suspected it was in
-danger.
-
-Matters were in this situation, when Tom, one afternoon, finding
-Sophia alone, began, after a short apology, with a very serious face,
-to acquaint her that he had a favour to ask of her which he hoped her
-goodness would comply with.
-
-Though neither the young man's behaviour, nor indeed his manner of
-opening this business, were such as could give her any just cause of
-suspecting he intended to make love to her; yet whether Nature
-whispered something into her ear, or from what cause it arose I will
-not determine; certain it is, some idea of that kind must have
-intruded itself; for her colour forsook her cheeks, her limbs
-trembled, and her tongue would have faltered, had Tom stopped for an
-answer; but he soon relieved her from her perplexity, by proceeding to
-inform her of his request; which was to solicit her interest on behalf
-of the gamekeeper, whose own ruin, and that of a large family, must
-be, he said, the consequence of Mr Western's pursuing his action
-against him.
-
-Sophia presently recovered her confusion, and, with a smile full of
-sweetness, said, "Is this the mighty favour you asked with so much
-gravity? I will do it with all my heart. I really pity the poor
-fellow, and no longer ago than yesterday sent a small matter to his
-wife." This small matter was one of her gowns, some linen, and ten
-shillings in money, of which Tom had heard, and it had, in reality,
-put this solicitation into his head.
-
-Our youth, now, emboldened with his success, resolved to push the
-matter farther, and ventured even to beg her recommendation of him to
-her father's service; protesting that he thought him one of the
-honestest fellows in the country, and extremely well qualified for the
-place of a gamekeeper, which luckily then happened to be vacant.
-
-Sophia answered, "Well, I will undertake this too; but I cannot
-promise you as much success as in the former part, which I assure you
-I will not quit my father without obtaining. However, I will do what I
-can for the poor fellow; for I sincerely look upon him and his family
-as objects of great compassion. And now, Mr Jones, I must ask you a
-favour."
-
-"A favour, madam!" cries Tom: "if you knew the pleasure you have given
-me in the hopes of receiving a command from you, you would think by
-mentioning it you did confer the greatest favour on me; for by this
-dear hand I would sacrifice my life to oblige you."
-
-He then snatched her hand, and eagerly kissed it, which was the first
-time his lips had ever touched her. The blood, which before had
-forsaken her cheeks, now made her sufficient amends, by rushing all
-over her face and neck with such violence, that they became all of a
-scarlet colour. She now first felt a sensation to which she had been
-before a stranger, and which, when she had leisure to reflect on it,
-began to acquaint her with some secrets, which the reader, if he doth
-not already guess them, will know in due time.
-
-Sophia, as soon as she could speak (which was not instantly), informed
-him that the favour she had to desire of him was, not to lead her
-father through so many dangers in hunting; for that, from what she had
-heard, she was terribly frightened every time they went out together,
-and expected some day or other to see her father brought home with
-broken limbs. She therefore begged him, for her sake, to be more
-cautious; and as he well knew Mr Western would follow him, not to ride
-so madly, nor to take those dangerous leaps for the future.
-
-Tom promised faithfully to obey her commands; and after thanking her
-for her kind compliance with his request, took his leave, and departed
-highly charmed with his success.
-
-Poor Sophia was charmed too, but in a very different way. Her
-sensations, however, the reader's heart (if he or she have any) will
-better represent than I can, if I had as many mouths as ever poet
-wished for, to eat, I suppose, those many dainties with which he was
-so plentifully provided.
-
-It was Mr Western's custom every afternoon, as soon as he was drunk,
-to hear his daughter play on the harpsichord; for he was a great lover
-of music, and perhaps, had he lived in town, might have passed for a
-connoisseur; for he always excepted against the finest compositions of
-Mr Handel. He never relished any music but what was light and airy;
-and indeed his most favourite tunes were Old Sir Simon the King, St
-George he was for England, Bobbing Joan, and some others.
-
-His daughter, though she was a perfect mistress of music, and would
-never willingly have played any but Handel's, was so devoted to her
-father's pleasure, that she learnt all those tunes to oblige him.
-However, she would now and then endeavour to lead him into her own
-taste; and when he required the repetition of his ballads, would
-answer with a "Nay, dear sir;" and would often beg him to suffer her
-to play something else.
-
-This evening, however, when the gentleman was retired from his bottle,
-she played all his favourites three times over without any
-solicitation. This so pleased the good squire, that he started from
-his couch, gave his daughter a kiss, and swore her hand was greatly
-improved. She took this opportunity to execute her promise to Tom; in
-which she succeeded so well, that the squire declared, if she would
-give him t'other bout of Old Sir Simon, he would give the gamekeeper
-his deputation the next morning. Sir Simon was played again and again,
-till the charms of the music soothed Mr Western to sleep. In the
-morning Sophia did not fail to remind him of his engagement; and his
-attorney was immediately sent for, ordered to stop any further
-proceedings in the action, and to make out the deputation.
-
-Tom's success in this affair soon began to ring over the country, and
-various were the censures passed upon it; some greatly applauding it
-as an act of good nature; others sneering, and saying, "No wonder that
-one idle fellow should love another." Young Blifil was greatly enraged
-at it. He had long hated Black George in the same proportion as Jones
-delighted in him; not from any offence which he had ever received, but
-from his great love to religion and virtue;--for Black George had the
-reputation of a loose kind of a fellow. Blifil therefore represented
-this as flying in Mr Allworthy's face; and declared, with great
-concern, that it was impossible to find any other motive for doing
-good to such a wretch.
-
-Thwackum and Square likewise sung to the same tune. They were now
-(especially the latter) become greatly jealous of young Jones with the
-widow; for he now approached the age of twenty, was really a fine
-young fellow, and that lady, by her encouragements to him, seemed
-daily more and more to think him so.
-
-Allworthy was not, however, moved with their malice. He declared
-himself very well satisfied with what Jones had done. He said the
-perseverance and integrity of his friendship was highly commendable,
-and he wished he could see more frequent instances of that virtue.
-
-But Fortune, who seldom greatly relishes such sparks as my friend Tom,
-perhaps because they do not pay more ardent addresses to her, gave now
-a very different turn to all his actions, and showed them to Mr
-Allworthy in a light far less agreeable than that gentleman's goodness
-had hitherto seen them in.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-An apology for the insensibility of Mr Jones to all the charms of the
-lovely Sophia; in which possibly we may, in a considerable degree,
-lower his character in the estimation of those men of wit and
-gallantry who approve the heroes in most of our modern comedies.
-
-
-There are two sorts of people, who, I am afraid, have already
-conceived some contempt for my heroe, on account of his behaviour to
-Sophia. The former of these will blame his prudence in neglecting an
-opportunity to possess himself of Mr Western's fortune; and the latter
-will no less despise him for his backwardness to so fine a girl, who
-seemed ready to fly into his arms, if he would open them to receive
-her.
-
-Now, though I shall not perhaps be able absolutely to acquit him of
-either of these charges (for want of prudence admits of no excuse; and
-what I shall produce against the latter charge will, I apprehend, be
-scarce satisfactory); yet, as evidence may sometimes be offered in
-mitigation, I shall set forth the plain matter of fact, and leave the
-whole to the reader's determination.
-
-Mr Jones had somewhat about him, which, though I think writers are not
-thoroughly agreed in its name, doth certainly inhabit some human
-breasts; whose use is not so properly to distinguish right from wrong,
-as to prompt and incite them to the former, and to restrain and
-withhold them from the latter.
-
-This somewhat may be indeed resembled to the famous trunk-maker in the
-playhouse; for, whenever the person who is possessed of it doth what
-is right, no ravished or friendly spectator is so eager or so loud in
-his applause: on the contrary, when he doth wrong, no critic is so apt
-to hiss and explode him.
-
-To give a higher idea of the principle I mean, as well as one more
-familiar to the present age; it may be considered as sitting on its
-throne in the mind, like the Lord High Chancellor of this kingdom in
-his court; where it presides, governs, directs, judges, acquits, and
-condemns according to merit and justice, with a knowledge which
-nothing escapes, a penetration which nothing can deceive, and an
-integrity which nothing can corrupt.
-
-This active principle may perhaps be said to constitute the most
-essential barrier between us and our neighbours the brutes; for if
-there be some in the human shape who are not under any such dominion,
-I choose rather to consider them as deserters from us to our
-neighbours; among whom they will have the fate of deserters, and not
-be placed in the first rank.
-
-Our heroe, whether he derived it from Thwackum or Square I will not
-determine, was very strongly under the guidance of this principle; for
-though he did not always act rightly, yet he never did otherwise
-without feeling and suffering for it. It was this which taught him,
-that to repay the civilities and little friendships of hospitality by
-robbing the house where you have received them, is to be the basest
-and meanest of thieves. He did not think the baseness of this offence
-lessened by the height of the injury committed; on the contrary, if to
-steal another's plate deserved death and infamy, it seemed to him
-difficult to assign a punishment adequate to the robbing a man of his
-whole fortune, and of his child into the bargain.
-
-This principle, therefore, prevented him from any thought of making
-his fortune by such means (for this, as I have said, is an active
-principle, and doth not content itself with knowledge or belief only).
-Had he been greatly enamoured of Sophia, he possibly might have
-thought otherwise; but give me leave to say, there is great difference
-between running away with a man's daughter from the motive of love,
-and doing the same thing from the motive of theft.
-
-Now, though this young gentleman was not insensible of the charms of
-Sophia; though he greatly liked her beauty, and esteemed all her other
-qualifications, she had made, however, no deep impression on his
-heart; for which, as it renders him liable to the charge of stupidity,
-or at least of want of taste, we shall now proceed to account.
-
-The truth then is, his heart was in the possession of another woman.
-Here I question not but the reader will be surprized at our long
-taciturnity as to this matter; and quite at a loss to divine who this
-woman was, since we have hitherto not dropt a hint of any one likely
-to be a rival to Sophia; for as to Mrs Blifil, though we have been
-obliged to mention some suspicions of her affection for Tom, we have
-not hitherto given the least latitude for imagining that he had any
-for her; and, indeed, I am sorry to say it, but the youth of both
-sexes are too apt to be deficient in their gratitude for that regard
-with which persons more advanced in years are sometimes so kind to
-honour them.
-
-That the reader may be no longer in suspense, he will be pleased to
-remember, that we have often mentioned the family of George Seagrim
-(commonly called Black George, the gamekeeper), which consisted at
-present of a wife and five children.
-
-The second of these children was a daughter, whose name was Molly, and
-who was esteemed one of the handsomest girls in the whole country.
-
-Congreve well says there is in true beauty something which vulgar
-souls cannot admire; so can no dirt or rags hide this something from
-those souls which are not of the vulgar stamp.
-
-The beauty of this girl made, however, no impression on Tom, till she
-grew towards the age of sixteen, when Tom, who was near three years
-older, began first to cast the eyes of affection upon her. And this
-affection he had fixed on the girl long before he could bring himself
-to attempt the possession of her person: for though his constitution
-urged him greatly to this, his principles no less forcibly restrained
-him. To debauch a young woman, however low her condition was, appeared
-to him a very heinous crime; and the good-will he bore the father,
-with the compassion he had for his family, very strongly corroborated
-all such sober reflections; so that he once resolved to get the better
-of his inclinations, and he actually abstained three whole months
-without ever going to Seagrim's house, or seeing his daughter.
-
-Now, though Molly was, as we have said, generally thought a very fine
-girl, and in reality she was so, yet her beauty was not of the most
-amiable kind. It had, indeed, very little of feminine in it, and would
-have become a man at least as well as a woman; for, to say the truth,
-youth and florid health had a very considerable share in the
-composition.
-
-Nor was her mind more effeminate than her person. As this was tall and
-robust, so was that bold and forward. So little had she of modesty,
-that Jones had more regard for her virtue than she herself. And as
-most probably she liked Tom as well as he liked her, so when she
-perceived his backwardness she herself grew proportionably forward;
-and when she saw he had entirely deserted the house, she found means
-of throwing herself in his way, and behaved in such a manner that the
-youth must have had very much or very little of the heroe if her
-endeavours had proved unsuccessful. In a word, she soon triumphed over
-all the virtuous resolutions of Jones; for though she behaved at last
-with all decent reluctance, yet I rather chuse to attribute the
-triumph to her, since, in fact, it was her design which succeeded.
-
-In the conduct of this matter, I say, Molly so well played her part,
-that Jones attributed the conquest entirely to himself, and considered
-the young woman as one who had yielded to the violent attacks of his
-passion. He likewise imputed her yielding to the ungovernable force of
-her love towards him; and this the reader will allow to have been a
-very natural and probable supposition, as we have more than once
-mentioned the uncommon comeliness of his person: and, indeed, he was
-one of the handsomest young fellows in the world.
-
-As there are some minds whose affections, like Master Blifil's, are
-solely placed on one single person, whose interest and indulgence
-alone they consider on every occasion; regarding the good and ill of
-all others as merely indifferent, any farther than as they contribute
-to the pleasure or advantage of that person: so there is a different
-temper of mind which borrows a degree of virtue even from self-love.
-Such can never receive any kind of satisfaction from another, without
-loving the creature to whom that satisfaction is owing, and without
-making its well-being in some sort necessary to their own ease.
-
-Of this latter species was our heroe. He considered this poor girl as
-one whose happiness or misery he had caused to be dependent on
-himself. Her beauty was still the object of desire, though greater
-beauty, or a fresher object, might have been more so; but the little
-abatement which fruition had occasioned to this was highly
-overbalanced by the considerations of the affection which she visibly
-bore him, and of the situation into which he had brought her. The
-former of these created gratitude, the latter compassion; and both,
-together with his desire for her person, raised in him a passion which
-might, without any great violence to the word, be called love; though,
-perhaps, it was at first not very judiciously placed.
-
-This, then, was the true reason of that insensibility which he had
-shown to the charms of Sophia, and that behaviour in her which might
-have been reasonably enough interpreted as an encouragement to his
-addresses; for as he could not think of abandoning his Molly, poor and
-destitute as she was, so no more could he entertain a notion of
-betraying such a creature as Sophia. And surely, had he given the
-least encouragement to any passion for that young lady, he must have
-been absolutely guilty of one or other of those crimes; either of
-which would, in my opinion, have very justly subjected him to that
-fate, which, at his first introduction into this history, I mentioned
-to have been generally predicted as his certain destiny.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Being the shortest chapter in this book.
-
-
-Her mother first perceived the alteration in the shape of Molly; and
-in order to hide it from her neighbours, she foolishly clothed her in
-that sack which Sophia had sent her; though, indeed, that young lady
-had little apprehension that the poor woman would have been weak
-enough to let any of her daughters wear it in that form.
-
-Molly was charmed with the first opportunity she ever had of showing
-her beauty to advantage; for though she could very well bear to
-contemplate herself in the glass, even when dressed in rags; and
-though she had in that dress conquered the heart of Jones, and perhaps
-of some others; yet she thought the addition of finery would much
-improve her charms, and extend her conquests.
-
-Molly, therefore, having dressed herself out in this sack, with a new
-laced cap, and some other ornaments which Tom had given her, repairs
-to church with her fan in her hand the very next Sunday. The great are
-deceived if they imagine they have appropriated ambition and vanity to
-themselves. These noble qualities flourish as notably in a country
-church and churchyard as in the drawing-room, or in the closet.
-Schemes have indeed been laid in the vestry which would hardly
-disgrace the conclave. Here is a ministry, and here is an opposition.
-Here are plots and circumventions, parties and factions, equal to
-those which are to be found in courts.
-
-Nor are the women here less practised in the highest feminine arts
-than their fair superiors in quality and fortune. Here are prudes and
-coquettes. Here are dressing and ogling, falsehood, envy, malice,
-scandal; in short, everything which is common to the most splendid
-assembly, or politest circle. Let those of high life, therefore, no
-longer despise the ignorance of their inferiors; nor the vulgar any
-longer rail at the vices of their betters.
-
-Molly had seated herself some time before she was known by her
-neighbours. And then a whisper ran through the whole congregation,
-"Who is she?" but when she was discovered, such sneering, gigling,
-tittering, and laughing ensued among the women, that Mr Allworthy was
-obliged to exert his authority to preserve any decency among them.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-A battle sung by the muse in the Homerican style, and which none but
-the classical reader can taste.
-
-
-Mr Western had an estate in this parish; and as his house stood at
-little greater distance from this church than from his own, he very
-often came to Divine Service here; and both he and the charming Sophia
-happened to be present at this time.
-
-Sophia was much pleased with the beauty of the girl, whom she pitied
-for her simplicity in having dressed herself in that manner, as she
-saw the envy which it had occasioned among her equals. She no sooner
-came home than she sent for the gamekeeper, and ordered him to bring
-his daughter to her; saying she would provide for her in the family,
-and might possibly place the girl about her own person, when her own
-maid, who was now going away, had left her.
-
-Poor Seagrim was thunderstruck at this; for he was no stranger to the
-fault in the shape of his daughter. He answered, in a stammering
-voice, "That he was afraid Molly would be too awkward to wait on her
-ladyship, as she had never been at service." "No matter for that,"
-says Sophia; "she will soon improve. I am pleased with the girl, and
-am resolved to try her."
-
-Black George now repaired to his wife, on whose prudent counsel he
-depended to extricate him out of this dilemma; but when he came
-thither he found his house in some confusion. So great envy had this
-sack occasioned, that when Mr Allworthy and the other gentry were gone
-from church, the rage, which had hitherto been confined, burst into an
-uproar; and, having vented itself at first in opprobrious words,
-laughs, hisses, and gestures, betook itself at last to certain missile
-weapons; which, though from their plastic nature they threatened
-neither the loss of life or of limb, were however sufficiently
-dreadful to a well-dressed lady. Molly had too much spirit to bear
-this treatment tamely. Having therefore--but hold, as we are diffident
-of our own abilities, let us here invite a superior power to our
-assistance.
-
-Ye Muses, then, whoever ye are, who love to sing battles, and
-principally thou who whilom didst recount the slaughter in those
-fields where Hudibras and Trulla fought, if thou wert not starved with
-thy friend Butler, assist me on this great occasion. All things are
-not in the power of all.
-
-As a vast herd of cows in a rich farmer's yard, if, while they are
-milked, they hear their calves at a distance, lamenting the robbery
-which is then committing, roar and bellow; so roared forth the
-Somersetshire mob an hallaloo, made up of almost as many squalls,
-screams, and other different sounds as there were persons, or indeed
-passions among them: some were inspired by rage, others alarmed by
-fear, and others had nothing in their heads but the love of fun; but
-chiefly Envy, the sister of Satan, and his constant companion, rushed
-among the crowd, and blew up the fury of the women; who no sooner came
-up to Molly than they pelted her with dirt and rubbish.
-
-Molly, having endeavoured in vain to make a handsome retreat, faced
-about; and laying hold of ragged Bess, who advanced in the front of
-the enemy, she at one blow felled her to the ground. The whole army of
-the enemy (though near a hundred in number), seeing the fate of their
-general, gave back many paces, and retired behind a new-dug grave; for
-the churchyard was the field of battle, where there was to be a
-funeral that very evening. Molly pursued her victory, and catching up
-a skull which lay on the side of the grave, discharged it with such
-fury, that having hit a taylor on the head, the two skulls sent
-equally forth a hollow sound at their meeting, and the taylor took
-presently measure of his length on the ground, where the skulls lay
-side by side, and it was doubtful which was the more valuable of the
-two. Molly then taking a thigh-bone in her hand, fell in among the
-flying ranks, and dealing her blows with great liberality on either
-side, overthrew the carcass of many a mighty heroe and heroine.
-
-Recount, O Muse, the names of those who fell on this fatal day. First,
-Jemmy Tweedle felt on his hinder head the direful bone. Him the
-pleasant banks of sweetly-winding Stour had nourished, where he first
-learnt the vocal art, with which, wandering up and down at wakes and
-fairs, he cheered the rural nymphs and swains, when upon the green
-they interweaved the sprightly dance; while he himself stood fiddling
-and jumping to his own music. How little now avails his fiddle! He
-thumps the verdant floor with his carcass. Next, old Echepole, the
-sowgelder, received a blow in his forehead from our Amazonian heroine,
-and immediately fell to the ground. He was a swinging fat fellow, and
-fell with almost as much noise as a house. His tobacco-box dropped at
-the same time from his pocket, which Molly took up as lawful spoils.
-Then Kate of the Mill tumbled unfortunately over a tombstone, which
-catching hold of her ungartered stocking inverted the order of nature,
-and gave her heels the superiority to her head. Betty Pippin, with
-young Roger her lover, fell both to the ground; where, oh perverse
-fate! she salutes the earth, and he the sky. Tom Freckle, the smith's
-son, was the next victim to her rage. He was an ingenious workman, and
-made excellent pattens; nay, the very patten with which he was knocked
-down was his own workmanship. Had he been at that time singing psalms
-in the church, he would have avoided a broken head. Miss Crow, the
-daughter of a farmer; John Giddish, himself a farmer; Nan Slouch,
-Esther Codling, Will Spray, Tom Bennet; the three Misses Potter, whose
-father keeps the sign of the Red Lion; Betty Chambermaid, Jack Ostler,
-and many others of inferior note, lay rolling among the graves.
-
-Not that the strenuous arm of Molly reached all these; for many of
-them in their flight overthrew each other.
-
-But now Fortune, fearing she had acted out of character, and had
-inclined too long to the same side, especially as it was the right
-side, hastily turned about: for now Goody Brown--whom Zekiel Brown
-caressed in his arms; nor he alone, but half the parish besides; so
-famous was she in the fields of Venus, nor indeed less in those of
-Mars. The trophies of both these her husband always bore about on his
-head and face; for if ever human head did by its horns display the
-amorous glories of a wife, Zekiel's did; nor did his well-scratched
-face less denote her talents (or rather talons) of a different kind.
-
-No longer bore this Amazon the shameful flight of her party. She stopt
-short, and, calling aloud to all who fled, spoke as follows: "Ye
-Somersetshire men, or rather ye Somersetshire women, are ye not
-ashamed thus to fly from a single woman? But if no other will oppose
-her, I myself and Joan Top here will have the honour of the victory."
-Having thus said, she flew at Molly Seagrim, and easily wrenched the
-thigh-bone from her hand, at the same time clawing off her cap from
-her head. Then laying hold of the hair of Molly with her left hand,
-she attacked her so furiously in the face with the right, that the
-blood soon began to trickle from her nose. Molly was not idle this
-while. She soon removed the clout from the head of Goody Brown, and
-then fastening on her hair with one hand, with the other she caused
-another bloody stream to issue forth from the nostrils of the enemy.
-
-When each of the combatants had borne off sufficient spoils of hair
-from the head of her antagonist, the next rage was against the
-garments. In this attack they exerted so much violence, that in a very
-few minutes they were both naked to the middle.
-
-It is lucky for the women that the seat of fistycuff war is not the
-same with them as among men; but though they may seem a little to
-deviate from their sex, when they go forth to battle, yet I have
-observed, they never so far forget, as to assail the bosoms of each
-other; where a few blows would be fatal to most of them. This, I know,
-some derive from their being of a more bloody inclination than the
-males. On which account they apply to the nose, as to the part whence
-blood may most easily be drawn; but this seems a far-fetched as well
-as ill-natured supposition.
-
-Goody Brown had great advantage of Molly in this particular; for the
-former had indeed no breasts, her bosom (if it may be so called), as
-well in colour as in many other properties, exactly resembling an
-antient piece of parchment, upon which any one might have drummed a
-considerable while without doing her any great damage.
-
-Molly, beside her present unhappy condition, was differently formed in
-those parts, and might, perhaps, have tempted the envy of Brown to
-give her a fatal blow, had not the lucky arrival of Tom Jones at this
-instant put an immediate end to the bloody scene.
-
-This accident was luckily owing to Mr Square; for he, Master Blifil,
-and Jones, had mounted their horses, after church, to take the air,
-and had ridden about a quarter of a mile, when Square, changing his
-mind (not idly, but for a reason which we shall unfold as soon as we
-have leisure), desired the young gentlemen to ride with him another
-way than they had at first purposed. This motion being complied with,
-brought them of necessity back again to the churchyard.
-
-Master Blifil, who rode first, seeing such a mob assembled, and two
-women in the posture in which we left the combatants, stopt his horse
-to enquire what was the matter. A country fellow, scratching his head,
-answered him: "I don't know, measter, un't I; an't please your honour,
-here hath been a vight, I think, between Goody Brown and Moll
-Seagrim."
-
-"Who, who?" cries Tom; but without waiting for an answer, having
-discovered the features of his Molly through all the discomposure in
-which they now were, he hastily alighted, turned his horse loose, and,
-leaping over the wall, ran to her. She now first bursting into tears,
-told him how barbarously she had been treated. Upon which, forgetting
-the sex of Goody Brown, or perhaps not knowing it in his rage--for, in
-reality, she had no feminine appearance but a petticoat, which he
-might not observe--he gave her a lash or two with his horsewhip; and
-then flying at the mob, who were all accused by Moll, he dealt his
-blows so profusely on all sides, that unless I would again invoke the
-muse (which the good-natured reader may think a little too hard upon
-her, as she hath so lately been violently sweated), it would be
-impossible for me to recount the horse-whipping of that day.
-
-Having scoured the whole coast of the enemy, as well as any of Homer's
-heroes ever did, or as Don Quixote or any knight-errant in the world
-could have done, he returned to Molly, whom he found in a condition
-which must give both me and my reader pain, was it to be described
-here. Tom raved like a madman, beat his breast, tore his hair, stamped
-on the ground, and vowed the utmost vengeance on all who had been
-concerned. He then pulled off his coat, and buttoned it round her, put
-his hat upon her head, wiped the blood from her face as well as he
-could with his handkerchief, and called out to the servant to ride as
-fast as possible for a side-saddle, or a pillion, that he might carry
-her safe home.
-
-Master Blifil objected to the sending away the servant, as they had
-only one with them; but as Square seconded the order of Jones, he was
-obliged to comply.
-
-The servant returned in a very short time with the pillion, and Molly,
-having collected her rags as well as she could, was placed behind him.
-In which manner she was carried home, Square, Blifil, and Jones
-attending.
-
-Here Jones having received his coat, given her a sly kiss, and
-whispered her, that he would return in the evening, quitted his Molly,
-and rode on after his companions.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing matter of no very peaceable colour.
-
-
-Molly had no sooner apparelled herself in her accustomed rags, than
-her sisters began to fall violently upon her, particularly her eldest
-sister, who told her she was well enough served. "How had she the
-assurance to wear a gown which young Madam Western had given to
-mother! If one of us was to wear it, I think," says she, "I myself
-have the best right; but I warrant you think it belongs to your
-beauty. I suppose you think yourself more handsomer than any of
-us."--"Hand her down the bit of glass from over the cupboard," cries
-another; "I'd wash the blood from my face before I talked of my
-beauty."--"You'd better have minded what the parson says," cries the
-eldest, "and not a harkened after men voke."--"Indeed, child, and so
-she had," says the mother, sobbing: "she hath brought a disgrace upon
-us all. She's the vurst of the vamily that ever was a whore."
-
-"You need not upbraid me with that, mother," cries Molly; "you
-yourself was brought-to-bed of sister there, within a week after you
-was married."
-
-"Yes, hussy," answered the enraged mother, "so I was, and what was the
-mighty matter of that? I was made an honest woman then; and if you was
-to be made an honest woman, I should not be angry; but you must have
-to doing with a gentleman, you nasty slut; you will have a bastard,
-hussy, you will; and that I defy any one to say of me."
-
-In this situation Black George found his family, when he came home for
-the purpose before mentioned. As his wife and three daughters were all
-of them talking together, and most of them crying, it was some time
-before he could get an opportunity of being heard; but as soon as such
-an interval occurred, he acquainted the company with what Sophia had
-said to him.
-
-Goody Seagrim then began to revile her daughter afresh. "Here," says
-she, "you have brought us into a fine quandary indeed. What will madam
-say to that big belly? Oh that ever I should live to see this day!"
-
-Molly answered with great spirit, "And what is this mighty place which
-you have got for me, father?" (for he had not well understood the
-phrase used by Sophia of being about her person). "I suppose it is to
-be under the cook; but I shan't wash dishes for anybody. My gentleman
-will provide better for me. See what he hath given me this afternoon.
-He hath promised I shall never want money; and you shan't want money
-neither, mother, if you will hold your tongue, and know when you are
-well." And so saying, she pulled out several guineas, and gave her
-mother one of them.
-
-The good woman no sooner felt the gold within her palm, than her
-temper began (such is the efficacy of that panacea) to be mollified.
-"Why, husband," says she, "would any but such a blockhead as you not
-have enquired what place this was before he had accepted it? Perhaps,
-as Molly says, it may be in the kitchen; and truly I don't care my
-daughter should be a scullion wench; for, poor as I am, I am a
-gentlewoman. And thof I was obliged, as my father, who was a
-clergyman, died worse than nothing, and so could not give me a
-shilling of _potion_, to undervalue myself by marrying a poor man; yet
-I would have you to know, I have a spirit above all them things. Marry
-come up! it would better become Madam Western to look at home, and
-remember who her own grandfather was. Some of my family, for aught I
-know, might ride in their coaches, when the grandfathers of some voke
-walked a-voot. I warrant she fancies she did a mighty matter, when she
-sent us that old gownd; some of my family would not have picked up
-such rags in the street; but poor people are always trampled
-upon.--The parish need not have been in such a fluster with Molly. You
-might have told them, child, your grandmother wore better things new
-out of the shop."
-
-"Well, but consider," cried George, "what answer shall I make to
-madam?"
-
-"I don't know what answer," says she; "you are always bringing your
-family into one quandary or other. Do you remember when you shot the
-partridge, the occasion of all our misfortunes? Did not I advise you
-never to go into Squire Western's manor? Did not I tell you many a
-good year ago what would come of it? But you would have your own
-headstrong ways; yes, you would, you villain."
-
-Black George was, in the main, a peaceable kind of fellow, and nothing
-choleric nor rash; yet did he bear about him something of what the
-antients called the irascible, and which his wife, if she had been
-endowed with much wisdom, would have feared. He had long experienced,
-that when the storm grew very high, arguments were but wind, which
-served rather to increase, than to abate it. He was therefore seldom
-unprovided with a small switch, a remedy of wonderful force, as he had
-often essayed, and which the word villain served as a hint for his
-applying.
-
-No sooner, therefore, had this symptom appeared, than he had immediate
-recourse to the said remedy, which though, as it is usual in all very
-efficacious medicines, it at first seemed to heighten and inflame the
-disease, soon produced a total calm, and restored the patient to
-perfect ease and tranquillity.
-
-This is, however, a kind of horse-medicine, which requires a very
-robust constitution to digest, and is therefore proper only for the
-vulgar, unless in one single instance, viz., where superiority of
-birth breaks out; in which case, we should not think it very
-improperly applied by any husband whatever, if the application was not
-in itself so base, that, like certain applications of the physical
-kind which need not be mentioned, it so much degrades and contaminates
-the hand employed in it, that no gentleman should endure the thought
-of anything so low and detestable.
-
-The whole family were soon reduced to a state of perfect quiet; for
-the virtue of this medicine, like that of electricity, is often
-communicated through one person to many others, who are not touched by
-the instrument. To say the truth, as they both operate by friction, it
-may be doubted whether there is not something analogous between them,
-of which Mr Freke would do well to enquire, before he publishes the
-next edition of his book.
-
-A council was now called, in which, after many debates, Molly still
-persisting that she would not go to service, it was at length
-resolved, that Goody Seagrim herself should wait on Miss Western, and
-endeavour to procure the place for her eldest daughter, who declared
-great readiness to accept it: but Fortune, who seems to have been an
-enemy of this little family, afterwards put a stop to her promotion.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-A story told by Mr Supple, the curate. The penetration of Squire
-Western. His great love for his daughter, and the return to it made by
-her.
-
-
-The next morning Tom Jones hunted with Mr Western, and was at his
-return invited by that gentleman to dinner.
-
-The lovely Sophia shone forth that day with more gaiety and
-sprightliness than usual. Her battery was certainly levelled at our
-heroe; though, I believe, she herself scarce yet knew her own
-intention; but if she had any design of charming him, she now
-succeeded.
-
-Mr Supple, the curate of Mr Allworthy's parish, made one of the
-company. He was a good-natured worthy man; but chiefly remarkable for
-his great taciturnity at table, though his mouth was never shut at it.
-In short, he had one of the best appetites in the world. However, the
-cloth was no sooner taken away, than he always made sufficient amends
-for his silence: for he was a very hearty fellow; and his conversation
-was often entertaining, never offensive.
-
-At his first arrival, which was immediately before the entrance of the
-roast-beef, he had given an intimation that he had brought some news
-with him, and was beginning to tell, that he came that moment from Mr
-Allworthy's, when the sight of the roast-beef struck him dumb,
-permitting him only to say grace, and to declare he must pay his
-respect to the baronet, for so he called the sirloin.
-
-When dinner was over, being reminded by Sophia of his news, he began
-as follows: "I believe, lady, your ladyship observed a young woman at
-church yesterday at even-song, who was drest in one of your outlandish
-garments; I think I have seen your ladyship in such a one. However, in
-the country, such dresses are
-
-     _Rara avis in terris, nigroque simillima cygno._
-
-That is, madam, as much as to say, 'A rare bird upon the earth, and
-very like a black swan.' The verse is in Juvenal. But to return to
-what I was relating. I was saying such garments are rare sights in the
-country; and perchance, too, it was thought the more rare, respect
-being had to the person who wore it, who, they tell me, is the
-daughter of Black George, your worship's gamekeeper, whose sufferings,
-I should have opined, might have taught him more wit, than to dress
-forth his wenches in such gaudy apparel. She created so much confusion
-in the congregation, that if Squire Allworthy had not silenced it, it
-would have interrupted the service: for I was once about to stop in
-the middle of the first lesson. Howbeit, nevertheless, after prayer
-was over, and I was departed home, this occasioned a battle in the
-churchyard, where, amongst other mischief, the head of a travelling
-fidler was very much broken. This morning the fidler came to Squire
-Allworthy for a warrant, and the wench was brought before him. The
-squire was inclined to have compounded matters; when, lo! on a sudden
-the wench appeared (I ask your ladyship's pardon) to be, as it were,
-at the eve of bringing forth a bastard. The squire demanded of her who
-was the father? But she pertinaciously refused to make any response.
-So that he was about to make her mittimus to Bridewell when I
-departed."
-
-"And is a wench having a bastard all your news, doctor?" cries
-Western; "I thought it might have been some public matter, something
-about the nation."
-
-"I am afraid it is too common, indeed," answered the parson; "but I
-thought the whole story altogether deserved commemorating. As to
-national matters, your worship knows them best. My concerns extend no
-farther than my own parish."
-
-"Why, ay," says the squire, "I believe I do know a little of that
-matter, as you say. But, come, Tommy, drink about; the bottle stands
-with you."
-
-Tom begged to be excused, for that he had particular business; and
-getting up from table, escaped the clutches of the squire, who was
-rising to stop him, and went off with very little ceremony.
-
-The squire gave him a good curse at his departure; and then turning to
-the parson, he cried out, "I smoke it: I smoke it. Tom is certainly
-the father of this bastard. Zooks, parson, you remember how he
-recommended the veather o' her to me. D--n un, what a sly b--ch 'tis.
-Ay, ay, as sure as two-pence, Tom is the veather of the bastard."
-
-"I should be very sorry for that," says the parson.
-
-"Why sorry," cries the squire: "Where is the mighty matter o't? What,
-I suppose dost pretend that thee hast never got a bastard? Pox! more
-good luck's thine? for I warrant hast a done a _therefore_ many's the
-good time and often."
-
-"Your worship is pleased to be jocular," answered the parson; "but I
-do not only animadvert on the sinfulness of the action--though that
-surely is to be greatly deprecated--but I fear his unrighteousness may
-injure him with Mr Allworthy. And truly I must say, though he hath the
-character of being a little wild, I never saw any harm in the young
-man; nor can I say I have heard any, save what your worship now
-mentions. I wish, indeed, he was a little more regular in his
-responses at church; but altogether he seems
-
-     _Ingenui vultus puer ingenuique pudoris._
-
-That is a classical line, young lady; and, being rendered into
-English, is, `a lad of an ingenuous countenance, and of an ingenuous
-modesty;' for this was a virtue in great repute both among the Latins
-and Greeks. I must say, the young gentleman (for so I think I may call
-him, notwithstanding his birth) appears to me a very modest, civil
-lad, and I should be sorry that he should do himself any injury in
-Squire Allworthy's opinion."
-
-"Poogh!" says the squire: "Injury, with Allworthy! Why, Allworthy
-loves a wench himself. Doth not all the country know whose son Tom is?
-You must talk to another person in that manner. I remember Allworthy
-at college."
-
-"I thought," said the parson, "he had never been at the university."
-
-"Yes, yes, he was," says the squire: "and many a wench have we two had
-together. As arrant a whore-master as any within five miles o'un. No,
-no. It will do'n no harm with he, assure yourself; nor with anybody
-else. Ask Sophy there--You have not the worse opinion of a young
-fellow for getting a bastard, have you, girl? No, no, the women will
-like un the better for't."
-
-This was a cruel question to poor Sophia. She had observed Tom's
-colour change at the parson's story; and that, with his hasty and
-abrupt departure, gave her sufficient reason to think her father's
-suspicion not groundless. Her heart now at once discovered the great
-secret to her which it had been so long disclosing by little and
-little; and she found herself highly interested in this matter. In
-such a situation, her father's malapert question rushing suddenly upon
-her, produced some symptoms which might have alarmed a suspicious
-heart; but, to do the squire justice, that was not his fault. When she
-rose therefore from her chair, and told him a hint from him was always
-sufficient to make her withdraw, he suffered her to leave the room,
-and then with great gravity of countenance remarked, "That it was
-better to see a daughter over-modest than over-forward;"--a sentiment
-which was highly applauded by the parson.
-
-There now ensued between the squire and the parson a most excellent
-political discourse, framed out of newspapers and political pamphlets;
-in which they made a libation of four bottles of wine to the good of
-their country: and then, the squire being fast asleep, the parson
-lighted his pipe, mounted his horse, and rode home.
-
-When the squire had finished his half-hour's nap, he summoned his
-daughter to her harpsichord; but she begged to be excused that
-evening, on account of a violent head-ache. This remission was
-presently granted; for indeed she seldom had occasion to ask him
-twice, as he loved her with such ardent affection, that, by gratifying
-her, he commonly conveyed the highest gratification to himself. She
-was really, what he frequently called her, his little darling, and she
-well deserved to be so; for she returned all his affection in the most
-ample manner. She had preserved the most inviolable duty to him in all
-things; and this her love made not only easy, but so delightful, that
-when one of her companions laughed at her for placing so much merit in
-such scrupulous obedience, as that young lady called it, Sophia
-answered, "You mistake me, madam, if you think I value myself upon
-this account; for besides that I am barely discharging my duty, I am
-likewise pleasing myself. I can truly say I have no delight equal to
-that of contributing to my father's happiness; and if I value myself,
-my dear, it is on having this power, and not on executing it."
-
-This was a satisfaction, however, which poor Sophia was incapable of
-tasting this evening. She therefore not only desired to be excused
-from her attendance at the harpsichord, but likewise begged that he
-would suffer her to absent herself from supper. To this request
-likewise the squire agreed, though not without some reluctance; for he
-scarce ever permitted her to be out of his sight, unless when he was
-engaged with his horses, dogs, or bottle. Nevertheless he yielded to
-the desire of his daughter, though the poor man was at the same time
-obliged to avoid his own company (if I may so express myself), by
-sending for a neighbouring farmer to sit with him.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-The narrow escape of Molly Seagrim, with some observations for which
-we have been forced to dive pretty deep into nature.
-
-
-Tom Jones had ridden one of Mr Western's horses that morning in the
-chase; so that having no horse of his own in the squire's stable, he
-was obliged to go home on foot: this he did so expeditiously that he
-ran upwards of three miles within the half-hour.
-
-Just as he arrived at Mr Allworthy's outward gate, he met the
-constable and company with Molly in their possession, whom they were
-conducting to that house where the inferior sort of people may learn
-one good lesson, viz., respect and deference to their superiors; since
-it must show them the wide distinction Fortune intends between those
-persons who are to be corrected for their faults, and those who are
-not; which lesson if they do not learn, I am afraid they very rarely
-learn any other good lesson, or improve their morals, at the house of
-correction.
-
-A lawyer may perhaps think Mr Allworthy exceeded his authority a
-little in this instance. And, to say the truth, I question, as here
-was no regular information before him, whether his conduct was
-strictly regular. However, as his intention was truly upright, he
-ought to be excused in _foro conscientiae_; since so many arbitrary
-acts are daily committed by magistrates who have not this excuse to
-plead for themselves.
-
-Tom was no sooner informed by the constable whither they were
-proceeding (indeed he pretty well guessed it of himself), than he
-caught Molly in his arms, and embracing her tenderly before them all,
-swore he would murder the first man who offered to lay hold of her. He
-bid her dry her eyes and be comforted; for, wherever she went, he
-would accompany her. Then turning to the constable, who stood
-trembling with his hat off, he desired him, in a very mild voice, to
-return with him for a moment only to his father (for so he now called
-Allworthy); for he durst, he said, be assured, that, when he had
-alledged what he had to say in her favour, the girl would be
-discharged.
-
-The constable, who, I make no doubt, would have surrendered his
-prisoner had Tom demanded her, very readily consented to this request.
-So back they all went into Mr Allworthy's hall; where Tom desired them
-to stay till his return, and then went himself in pursuit of the good
-man. As soon as he was found, Tom threw himself at his feet, and
-having begged a patient hearing, confessed himself to be the father of
-the child of which Molly was then big. He entreated him to have
-compassion on the poor girl, and to consider, if there was any guilt
-in the case, it lay principally at his door.
-
-"If there is any guilt in the case!" answered Allworthy warmly: "Are
-you then so profligate and abandoned a libertine to doubt whether the
-breaking the laws of God and man, the corrupting and ruining a poor
-girl be guilt? I own, indeed, it doth lie principally upon you; and so
-heavy it is, that you ought to expect it should crush you."
-
-"Whatever may be my fate," says Tom, "let me succeed in my
-intercessions for the poor girl. I confess I have corrupted her! but
-whether she shall be ruined, depends on you. For Heaven's sake, sir,
-revoke your warrant, and do not send her to a place which must
-unavoidably prove her destruction."
-
-Allworthy bid him immediately call a servant. Tom answered there was
-no occasion; for he had luckily met them at the gate, and relying upon
-his goodness, had brought them all back into his hall, where they now
-waited his final resolution, which upon his knees he besought him
-might be in favour of the girl; that she might be permitted to go home
-to her parents, and not be exposed to a greater degree of shame and
-scorn than must necessarily fall upon her. "I know," said he, "that is
-too much. I know I am the wicked occasion of it. I will endeavour to
-make amends, if possible; and if you shall have hereafter the goodness
-to forgive me, I hope I shall deserve it."
-
-Allworthy hesitated some time, and at last said, "Well, I will
-discharge my mittimus.--You may send the constable to me." He was
-instantly called, discharged, and so was the girl.
-
-It will be believed that Mr Allworthy failed not to read Tom a very
-severe lecture on this occasion; but it is unnecessary to insert it
-here, as we have faithfully transcribed what he said to Jenny Jones in
-the first book, most of which may be applied to the men, equally with
-the women. So sensible an effect had these reproofs on the young man,
-who was no hardened sinner, that he retired to his own room, where he
-passed the evening alone, in much melancholy contemplation.
-
-Allworthy was sufficiently offended by this transgression of Jones;
-for notwithstanding the assertions of Mr Western, it is certain this
-worthy man had never indulged himself in any loose pleasures with
-women, and greatly condemned the vice of incontinence in others.
-Indeed, there is much reason to imagine that there was not the least
-truth in what Mr Western affirmed, especially as he laid the scene of
-those impurities at the university, where Mr Allworthy had never been.
-In fact, the good squire was a little too apt to indulge that kind of
-pleasantry which is generally called rhodomontade: but which may, with
-as much propriety, be expressed by a much shorter word; and perhaps we
-too often supply the use of this little monosyllable by others; since
-very much of what frequently passes in the world for wit and humour,
-should, in the strictest purity of language, receive that short
-appellation, which, in conformity to the well-bred laws of custom, I
-here suppress.
-
-But whatever detestation Mr Allworthy had to this or to any other
-vice, he was not so blinded by it but that he could discern any virtue
-in the guilty person, as clearly indeed as if there had been no
-mixture of vice in the same character. While he was angry therefore
-with the incontinence of Jones, he was no less pleased with the honour
-and honesty of his self-accusation. He began now to form in his mind
-the same opinion of this young fellow, which, we hope, our reader may
-have conceived. And in balancing his faults with his perfections, the
-latter seemed rather to preponderate.
-
-It was to no purpose, therefore, that Thwackum, who was immediately
-charged by Mr Blifil with the story, unbended all his rancour against
-poor Tom. Allworthy gave a patient hearing to their invectives, and
-then answered coldly: "That young men of Tom's complexion were too
-generally addicted to this vice; but he believed that youth was
-sincerely affected with what he had said to him on the occasion, and
-he hoped he would not transgress again." So that, as the days of
-whipping were at an end, the tutor had no other vent but his own mouth
-for his gall, the usual poor resource of impotent revenge.
-
-But Square, who was a less violent, was a much more artful man; and as
-he hated Jones more perhaps than Thwackum himself did, so he contrived
-to do him more mischief in the mind of Mr Allworthy.
-
-The reader must remember the several little incidents of the
-partridge, the horse, and the Bible, which were recounted in the
-second book. By all which Jones had rather improved than injured the
-affection which Mr Allworthy was inclined to entertain for him. The
-same, I believe, must have happened to him with every other person who
-hath any idea of friendship, generosity, and greatness of spirit, that
-is to say, who hath any traces of goodness in his mind.
-
-Square himself was not unacquainted with the true impression which
-those several instances of goodness had made on the excellent heart of
-Allworthy; for the philosopher very well knew what virtue was, though
-he was not always perhaps steady in its pursuit; but as for Thwackum,
-from what reason I will not determine, no such thoughts ever entered
-into his head: he saw Jones in a bad light, and he imagined Allworthy
-saw him in the same, but that he was resolved, from pride and
-stubbornness of spirit, not to give up the boy whom he had once
-cherished; since by so doing, he must tacitly acknowledge that his
-former opinion of him had been wrong.
-
-Square therefore embraced this opportunity of injuring Jones
-in the tenderest part, by giving a very bad turn to all these
-before-mentioned occurrences. "I am sorry, sir," said he, "to own I
-have been deceived as well as yourself. I could not, I confess, help
-being pleased with what I ascribed to the motive of friendship, though
-it was carried to an excess, and all excess is faulty and vicious: but
-in this I made allowance for youth. Little did I suspect that the
-sacrifice of truth, which we both imagined to have been made to
-friendship, was in reality a prostitution of it to a depraved and
-debauched appetite. You now plainly see whence all the seeming
-generosity of this young man to the family of the gamekeeper
-proceeded. He supported the father in order to corrupt the daughter,
-and preserved the family from starving, to bring one of them to shame
-and ruin. This is friendship! this is generosity! As Sir Richard
-Steele says, `Gluttons who give high prices for delicacies, are very
-worthy to be called generous.' In short I am resolved, from this
-instance, never to give way to the weakness of human nature more, nor
-to think anything virtue which doth not exactly quadrate with the
-unerring rule of right."
-
-The goodness of Allworthy had prevented those considerations from
-occurring to himself; yet were they too plausible to be absolutely and
-hastily rejected, when laid before his eyes by another. Indeed what
-Square had said sunk very deeply into his mind, and the uneasiness
-which it there created was very visible to the other; though the good
-man would not acknowledge this, but made a very slight answer, and
-forcibly drove off the discourse to some other subject. It was well
-perhaps for poor Tom, that no such suggestions had been made before he
-was pardoned; for they certainly stamped in the mind of Allworthy the
-first bad impression concerning Jones.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-Containing much clearer matters; but which flowed from the same
-fountain with those in the preceding chapter.
-
-
-The reader will be pleased, I believe, to return with me to Sophia.
-She passed the night, after we saw her last, in no very agreeable
-manner. Sleep befriended her but little, and dreams less. In the
-morning, when Mrs Honour, her maid, attended her at the usual hour,
-she was found already up and drest.
-
-Persons who live two or three miles' distance in the country are
-considered as next-door neighbours, and transactions at the one house
-fly with incredible celerity to the other. Mrs Honour, therefore, had
-heard the whole story of Molly's shame; which she, being of a very
-communicative temper, had no sooner entered the apartment of her
-mistress, than she began to relate in the following manner:--
-
-"La, ma'am, what doth your la'ship think? the girl that your la'ship
-saw at church on Sunday, whom you thought so handsome; though you
-would not have thought her so handsome neither, if you had seen her
-nearer, but to be sure she hath been carried before the justice for
-being big with child. She seemed to me to look like a confident slut:
-and to be sure she hath laid the child to young Mr Jones. And all the
-parish says Mr Allworthy is so angry with young Mr Jones, that he
-won't see him. To be sure, one can't help pitying the poor young man,
-and yet he doth not deserve much pity neither, for demeaning himself
-with such kind of trumpery. Yet he is so pretty a gentleman, I should
-be sorry to have him turned out of doors. I dares to swear the wench
-was as willing as he; for she was always a forward kind of body. And
-when wenches are so coming, young men are not so much to be blamed
-neither; for to be sure they do no more than what is natural. Indeed
-it is beneath them to meddle with such dirty draggle-tails; and
-whatever happens to them, it is good enough for them. And yet, to be
-sure, the vile baggages are most in fault. I wishes, with all my
-heart, they were well to be whipped at the cart's tail; for it is pity
-they should be the ruin of a pretty young gentleman; and nobody can
-deny but that Mr Jones is one of the most handsomest young men that
-ever----"
-
-She was running on thus, when Sophia, with a more peevish voice than
-she had ever spoken to her in before, cried, "Prithee, why dost thou
-trouble me with all this stuff? What concern have I in what Mr Jones
-doth? I suppose you are all alike. And you seem to me to be angry it
-was not your own case."
-
-"I, ma'am!" answered Mrs Honour, "I am sorry your ladyship should have
-such an opinion of me. I am sure nobody can say any such thing of me.
-All the young fellows in the world may go to the divil for me. Because
-I said he was a handsome man? Everybody says it as well as I. To be
-sure, I never thought as it was any harm to say a young man was
-handsome; but to be sure I shall never think him so any more now; for
-handsome is that handsome does. A beggar wench!--"
-
-"Stop thy torrent of impertinence," cries Sophia, "and see whether my
-father wants me at breakfast."
-
-Mrs Honour then flung out of the room, muttering much to herself, of
-which "Marry come up, I assure you," was all that could be plainly
-distinguished.
-
-Whether Mrs Honour really deserved that suspicion, of which her
-mistress gave her a hint, is a matter which we cannot indulge our
-reader's curiosity by resolving. We will, however, make him amends in
-disclosing what passed in the mind of Sophia.
-
-The reader will be pleased to recollect, that a secret affection for
-Mr Jones had insensibly stolen into the bosom of this young lady. That
-it had there grown to a pretty great height before she herself had
-discovered it. When she first began to perceive its symptoms, the
-sensations were so sweet and pleasing, that she had not resolution
-sufficient to check or repel them; and thus she went on cherishing a
-passion of which she never once considered the consequences.
-
-This incident relating to Molly first opened her eyes. She now first
-perceived the weakness of which she had been guilty; and though it
-caused the utmost perturbation in her mind, yet it had the effect of
-other nauseous physic, and for the time expelled her distemper. Its
-operation indeed was most wonderfully quick; and in the short
-interval, while her maid was absent, so entirely removed all symptoms,
-that when Mrs Honour returned with a summons from her father, she was
-become perfectly easy, and had brought herself to a thorough
-indifference for Mr Jones.
-
-The diseases of the mind do in almost every particular imitate those
-of the body. For which reason, we hope, that learned faculty, for whom
-we have so profound a respect, will pardon us the violent hands we
-have been necessitated to lay on several words and phrases, which of
-right belong to them, and without which our descriptions must have
-been often unintelligible.
-
-Now there is no one circumstance in which the distempers of the mind
-bear a more exact analogy to those which are called bodily, than that
-aptness which both have to a relapse. This is plain in the violent
-diseases of ambition and avarice. I have known ambition, when cured at
-court by frequent disappointments (which are the only physic for it),
-to break out again in a contest for foreman of the grand jury at an
-assizes; and have heard of a man who had so far conquered avarice, as
-to give away many a sixpence, that comforted himself, at last, on his
-deathbed, by making a crafty and advantageous bargain concerning his
-ensuing funeral, with an undertaker who had married his only child.
-
-In the affair of love, which, out of strict conformity with the Stoic
-philosophy, we shall here treat as a disease, this proneness to
-relapse is no less conspicuous. Thus it happened to poor Sophia; upon
-whom, the very next time she saw young Jones, all the former symptoms
-returned, and from that time cold and hot fits alternately seized her
-heart.
-
-The situation of this young lady was now very different from what it
-had ever been before. That passion which had formerly been so
-exquisitely delicious, became now a scorpion in her bosom. She
-resisted it therefore with her utmost force, and summoned every
-argument her reason (which was surprisingly strong for her age) could
-suggest, to subdue and expel it. In this she so far succeeded, that
-she began to hope from time and absence a perfect cure. She resolved
-therefore to avoid Tom Jones as much as possible; for which purpose
-she began to conceive a design of visiting her aunt, to which she made
-no doubt of obtaining her father's consent.
-
-But Fortune, who had other designs in her head, put an immediate stop
-to any such proceeding, by introducing an accident, which will be
-related in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-A dreadful accident which befel Sophia. The gallant behaviour of
-Jones, and the more dreadful consequence of that behaviour to the
-young lady; with a short digression in favour of the female sex.
-
-
-Mr Western grew every day fonder and fonder of Sophia, insomuch that
-his beloved dogs themselves almost gave place to her in his
-affections; but as he could not prevail on himself to abandon these,
-he contrived very cunningly to enjoy their company, together with that
-of his daughter, by insisting on her riding a hunting with him.
-
-Sophia, to whom her father's word was a law, readily complied with his
-desires, though she had not the least delight in a sport, which was of
-too rough and masculine a nature to suit with her disposition. She had
-however another motive, beside her obedience, to accompany the old
-gentleman in the chase; for by her presence she hoped in some measure
-to restrain his impetuosity, and to prevent him from so frequently
-exposing his neck to the utmost hazard.
-
-The strongest objection was that which would have formerly been an
-inducement to her, namely, the frequent meeting with young Jones, whom
-she had determined to avoid; but as the end of the hunting season now
-approached, she hoped, by a short absence with her aunt, to reason
-herself entirely out of her unfortunate passion; and had not any doubt
-of being able to meet him in the field the subsequent season without
-the least danger.
-
-On the second day of her hunting, as she was returning from the chase,
-and was arrived within a little distance from Mr Western's house, her
-horse, whose mettlesome spirit required a better rider, fell suddenly
-to prancing and capering in such a manner that she was in the most
-imminent peril of falling. Tom Jones, who was at a little distance
-behind, saw this, and immediately galloped up to her assistance. As
-soon as he came up, he leapt from his own horse, and caught hold of
-hers by the bridle. The unruly beast presently reared himself an end
-on his hind legs, and threw his lovely burthen from his back, and
-Jones caught her in his arms.
-
-She was so affected with the fright, that she was not immediately able
-to satisfy Jones, who was very solicitous to know whether she had
-received any hurt. She soon after, however, recovered her spirits,
-assured him she was safe, and thanked him for the care he had taken of
-her. Jones answered, "If I have preserved you, madam, I am
-sufficiently repaid; for I promise you, I would have secured you from
-the least harm at the expense of a much greater misfortune to myself
-than I have suffered on this occasion."
-
-"What misfortune?" replied Sophia eagerly; "I hope you have come to no
-mischief?"
-
-"Be not concerned, madam," answered Jones. "Heaven be praised you have
-escaped so well, considering the danger you was in. If I have broke my
-arm, I consider it as a trifle, in comparison of what I feared upon
-your account."
-
-Sophia then screamed out, "Broke your arm! Heaven forbid."
-
-"I am afraid I have, madam," says Jones: "but I beg you will suffer me
-first to take care of you. I have a right hand yet at your service, to
-help you into the next field, whence we have but a very little walk to
-your father's house."
-
-Sophia seeing his left arm dangling by his side, while he was using
-the other to lead her, no longer doubted of the truth. She now grew
-much paler than her fears for herself had made her before. All her
-limbs were seized with a trembling, insomuch that Jones could scarce
-support her; and as her thoughts were in no less agitation, she could
-not refrain from giving Jones a look so full of tenderness, that it
-almost argued a stronger sensation in her mind, than even gratitude
-and pity united can raise in the gentlest female bosom, without the
-assistance of a third more powerful passion.
-
-Mr Western, who was advanced at some distance when this accident
-happened, was now returned, as were the rest of the horsemen. Sophia
-immediately acquainted them with what had befallen Jones, and begged
-them to take care of him. Upon which Western, who had been much
-alarmed by meeting his daughter's horse without its rider, and was now
-overjoyed to find her unhurt, cried out, "I am glad it is no worse. If
-Tom hath broken his arm, we will get a joiner to mend un again."
-
-The squire alighted from his horse, and proceeded to his house on
-foot, with his daughter and Jones. An impartial spectator, who had met
-them on the way, would, on viewing their several countenances, have
-concluded Sophia alone to have been the object of compassion: for as
-to Jones, he exulted in having probably saved the life of the young
-lady, at the price only of a broken bone; and Mr Western, though he
-was not unconcerned at the accident which had befallen Jones, was,
-however, delighted in a much higher degree with the fortunate escape
-of his daughter.
-
-The generosity of Sophia's temper construed this behaviour of Jones
-into great bravery; and it made a deep impression on her heart: for
-certain it is, that there is no one quality which so generally
-recommends men to women as this; proceeding, if we believe the common
-opinion, from that natural timidity of the sex, which is, says Mr
-Osborne, "so great, that a woman is the most cowardly of all the
-creatures God ever made;"--a sentiment more remarkable for its
-bluntness than for its truth. Aristotle, in his Politics, doth them, I
-believe, more justice, when he says, "The modesty and fortitude of men
-differ from those virtues in women; for the fortitude which becomes a
-woman, would be cowardice in a man; and the modesty which becomes a
-man, would be pertness in a woman." Nor is there, perhaps, more of
-truth in the opinion of those who derive the partiality which women
-are inclined to show to the brave, from this excess of their fear. Mr
-Bayle (I think, in his article of Helen) imputes this, and with
-greater probability, to their violent love of glory; for the truth of
-which, we have the authority of him who of all others saw farthest
-into human nature, and who introduces the heroine of his Odyssey, the
-great pattern of matrimonial love and constancy, assigning the glory
-of her husband as the only source of her affection towards him.[*]
-
-  [*] The English reader will not find this in the poem; for the
-  sentiment is entirely left out in the translation.
-
-However this be, certain it is that the accident operated very
-strongly on Sophia; and, indeed, after much enquiry into the matter, I
-am inclined to believe, that, at this very time, the charming Sophia
-made no less impression on the heart of Jones; to say truth, he had
-for some time become sensible of the irresistible power of her charms.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiv.
-
-The arrival of a surgeon.--His operations, and a long dialogue between
-Sophia and her maid.
-
-
-When they arrived at Mr Western's hall, Sophia, who had tottered along
-with much difficulty, sunk down in her chair; but by the assistance of
-hartshorn and water, she was prevented from fainting away, and had
-pretty well recovered her spirits, when the surgeon who was sent for
-to Jones appeared. Mr Western, who imputed these symptoms in his
-daughter to her fall, advised her to be presently blooded by way of
-prevention. In this opinion he was seconded by the surgeon, who gave
-so many reasons for bleeding, and quoted so many cases where persons
-had miscarried for want of it, that the squire became very
-importunate, and indeed insisted peremptorily that his daughter should
-be blooded.
-
-Sophia soon yielded to the commands of her father, though entirely
-contrary to her own inclinations, for she suspected, I believe, less
-danger from the fright, than either the squire or the surgeon. She
-then stretched out her beautiful arm, and the operator began to
-prepare for his work.
-
-While the servants were busied in providing materials, the surgeon,
-who imputed the backwardness which had appeared in Sophia to her
-fears, began to comfort her with assurances that there was not the
-least danger; for no accident, he said, could ever happen in bleeding,
-but from the monstrous ignorance of pretenders to surgery, which he
-pretty plainly insinuated was not at present to be apprehended. Sophia
-declared she was not under the least apprehension; adding, "If you
-open an artery, I promise you I'll forgive you." "Will you?" cries
-Western: "D--n me, if I will. If he does thee the least mischief, d--n
-me if I don't ha' the heart's blood o'un out." The surgeon assented to
-bleed her upon these conditions, and then proceeded to his operation,
-which he performed with as much dexterity as he had promised; and with
-as much quickness: for he took but little blood from her, saying, it
-was much safer to bleed again and again, than to take away too much at
-once.
-
-Sophia, when her arm was bound up, retired: for she was not willing
-(nor was it, perhaps, strictly decent) to be present at the operation
-on Jones. Indeed, one objection which she had to bleeding (though she
-did not make it) was the delay which it would occasion to setting the
-broken bone. For Western, when Sophia was concerned, had no
-consideration but for her; and as for Jones himself, he "sat like
-patience on a monument smiling at grief." To say the truth, when he
-saw the blood springing from the lovely arm of Sophia, he scarce
-thought of what had happened to himself.
-
-The surgeon now ordered his patient to be stript to his shirt, and
-then entirely baring the arm, he began to stretch and examine it, in
-such a manner that the tortures he put him to caused Jones to make
-several wry faces; which the surgeon observing, greatly wondered at,
-crying, "What is the matter, sir? I am sure it is impossible I should
-hurt you." And then holding forth the broken arm, he began a long and
-very learned lecture of anatomy, in which simple and double fractures
-were most accurately considered; and the several ways in which Jones
-might have broken his arm were discussed, with proper annotations
-showing how many of these would have been better, and how many worse
-than the present case.
-
-Having at length finished his laboured harangue, with which the
-audience, though it had greatly raised their attention and admiration,
-were not much edified, as they really understood not a single syllable
-of all he had said, he proceeded to business, which he was more
-expeditious in finishing, than he had been in beginning.
-
-Jones was then ordered into a bed, which Mr Western compelled him to
-accept at his own house, and sentence of water-gruel was passed upon
-him.
-
-Among the good company which had attended in the hall during the
-bone-setting, Mrs Honour was one; who being summoned to her mistress
-as soon as it was over, and asked by her how the young gentleman did,
-presently launched into extravagant praises on the magnanimity, as she
-called it, of his behaviour, which, she said, "was so charming in so
-pretty a creature." She then burst forth into much warmer encomiums on
-the beauty of his person; enumerating many particulars, and ending
-with the whiteness of his skin.
-
-This discourse had an effect on Sophia's countenance, which would not
-perhaps have escaped the observance of the sagacious waiting-woman,
-had she once looked her mistress in the face, all the time she was
-speaking: but as a looking-glass, which was most commodiously placed
-opposite to her, gave her an opportunity of surveying those features,
-in which, of all others, she took most delight; so she had not once
-removed her eyes from that amiable object during her whole speech.
-
-Mrs Honour was so intirely wrapped up in the subject on which she
-exercised her tongue, and the object before her eyes, that she gave
-her mistress time to conquer her confusion; which having done, she
-smiled on her maid, and told her, "she was certainly in love with this
-young fellow."--"I in love, madam!" answers she: "upon my word, ma'am,
-I assure you, ma'am, upon my soul, ma'am, I am not."--"Why, if you
-was," cries her mistress, "I see no reason that you should be ashamed
-of it; for he is certainly a pretty fellow."--"Yes, ma'am," answered
-the other, "that he is, the most handsomest man I ever saw in my life.
-Yes, to be sure, that he is, and, as your ladyship says, I don't know
-why I should be ashamed of loving him, though he is my betters. To be
-sure, gentlefolks are but flesh and blood no more than us servants.
-Besides, as for Mr Jones, thof Squire Allworthy hath made a gentleman
-of him, he was not so good as myself by birth: for thof I am a poor
-body, I am an honest person's child, and my father and mother were
-married, which is more than some people can say, as high as they hold
-their heads. Marry, come up! I assure you, my dirty cousin! thof his
-skin be so white, and to be sure it is the most whitest that ever was
-seen, I am a Christian as well as he, and nobody can say that I am
-base born: my grandfather was a clergyman,[*] and would have been very
-angry, I believe, to have thought any of his family should have taken
-up with Molly Seagrim's dirty leavings."
-
-  [*] This is the second person of low condition whom we have recorded
-  in this history to have sprung from the clergy. It is to be hoped
-  such instances will, in future ages, when some provision is made for
-  the families of the inferior clergy, appear stranger than they can
-  be thought at present.
-
-Perhaps Sophia might have suffered her maid to run on in this manner,
-from wanting sufficient spirits to stop her tongue, which the reader
-may probably conjecture was no very easy task; for certainly there
-were some passages in her speech which were far from being agreeable
-to the lady. However, she now checked the torrent, as there seemed no
-end of its flowing. "I wonder," says she, "at your assurance in daring
-to talk thus of one of my father's friends. As to the wench, I order
-you never to mention her name to me. And with regard to the young
-gentleman's birth, those who can say nothing more to his disadvantage,
-may as well be silent on that head, as I desire you will be for the
-future."
-
-"I am sorry I have offended your ladyship," answered Mrs Honour. "I am
-sure I hate Molly Seagrim as much as your ladyship can; and as for
-abusing Squire Jones, I can call all the servants in the house to
-witness, that whenever any talk hath been about bastards, I have
-always taken his part; for which of you, says I to the footmen, would
-not be a bastard, if he could, to be made a gentleman of? And, says I,
-I am sure he is a very fine gentleman; and he hath one of the whitest
-hands in the world; for to be sure so he hath: and, says I, one of the
-sweetest temperedest, best naturedest men in the world he is; and,
-says I, all the servants and neighbours all round the country loves
-him. And, to be sure, I could tell your ladyship something, but that I
-am afraid it would offend you."--"What could you tell me, Honour?"
-says Sophia. "Nay, ma'am, to be sure he meant nothing by it, therefore
-I would not have your ladyship be offended."--"Prithee tell me," says
-Sophia; "I will know it this instant."--"Why, ma'am," answered Mrs
-Honour, "he came into the room one day last week when I was at work,
-and there lay your ladyship's muff on a chair, and to be sure he put
-his hands into it; that very muff your ladyship gave me but yesterday.
-La! says I, Mr Jones, you will stretch my lady's muff, and spoil it:
-but he still kept his hands in it: and then he kissed it--to be sure I
-hardly ever saw such a kiss in my life as he gave it."--"I suppose he
-did not know it was mine," replied Sophia. "Your ladyship shall hear,
-ma'am. He kissed it again and again, and said it was the prettiest
-muff in the world. La! sir, says I, you have seen it a hundred times.
-Yes, Mrs Honour, cried he; but who can see anything beautiful in the
-presence of your lady but herself?--Nay, that's not all neither; but I
-hope your ladyship won't be offended, for to be sure he meant nothing.
-One day, as your ladyship was playing on the harpsichord to my master,
-Mr Jones was sitting in the next room, and methought he looked
-melancholy. La! says I, Mr Jones, what's the matter? a penny for your
-thoughts, says I. Why, hussy, says he, starting up from a dream, what
-can I be thinking of, when that angel your mistress is playing? And
-then squeezing me by the hand, Oh! Mrs Honour, says he, how happy will
-that man be!--and then he sighed. Upon my troth, his breath is as
-sweet as a nosegay.--But to be sure he meant no harm by it. So I hope
-your ladyship will not mention a word; for he gave me a crown never to
-mention it, and made me swear upon a book, but I believe, indeed, it
-was not the Bible."
-
-Till something of a more beautiful red than vermilion be found out, I
-shall say nothing of Sophia's colour on this occasion. "Ho--nour,"
-says she, "I--if you will not mention this any more to me--nor to
-anybody else, I will not betray you--I mean, I will not be angry; but
-I am afraid of your tongue. Why, my girl, will you give it such
-liberties?"--"Nay, ma'am," answered she, "to be sure, I would sooner
-cut out my tongue than offend your ladyship. To be sure I shall never
-mention a word that your ladyship would not have me."--"Why, I would
-not have you mention this any more," said Sophia, "for it may come to
-my father's ears, and he would be angry with Mr Jones; though I really
-believe, as you say, he meant nothing. I should be very angry myself,
-if I imagined--"--"Nay, ma'am," says Honour, "I protest I believe he
-meant nothing. I thought he talked as if he was out of his senses;
-nay, he said he believed he was beside himself when he had spoken the
-words. Ay, sir, says I, I believe so too. Yes, says he, Honour.--But I
-ask your ladyship's pardon; I could tear my tongue out for offending
-you." "Go on," says Sophia; "you may mention anything you have not
-told me before."--"Yes, Honour, says he (this was some time
-afterwards, when he gave me the crown), I am neither such a coxcomb,
-or such a villain, as to think of her in any other delight but as my
-goddess; as such I will always worship and adore her while I have
-breath.--This was all, ma'am, I will be sworn, to the best of my
-remembrance. I was in a passion with him myself, till I found he meant
-no harm."--"Indeed, Honour," says Sophia, "I believe you have a real
-affection for me. I was provoked the other day when I gave you
-warning; but if you have a desire to stay with me, you shall."--"To be
-sure, ma'am," answered Mrs Honour, "I shall never desire to part with
-your ladyship. To be sure, I almost cried my eyes out when you gave me
-warning. It would be very ungrateful in me to desire to leave your
-ladyship; because as why, I should never get so good a place again. I
-am sure I would live and die with your ladyship; for, as poor Mr Jones
-said, happy is the man----"
-
-Here the dinner bell interrupted a conversation which had wrought such
-an effect on Sophia, that she was, perhaps, more obliged to her
-bleeding in the morning, than she, at the time, had apprehended she
-should be. As to the present situation of her mind, I shall adhere to
-a rule of Horace, by not attempting to describe it, from despair of
-success. Most of my readers will suggest it easily to themselves; and
-the few who cannot, would not understand the picture, or at least
-would deny it to be natural, if ever so well drawn.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK V.
-
-CONTAINING A PORTION OF TIME SOMEWHAT LONGER THAN HALF A YEAR.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Of the SERIOUS in writing, and for what purpose it is introduced.
-
-
-Peradventure there may be no parts in this prodigious work which will
-give the reader less pleasure in the perusing, than those which have
-given the author the greatest pains in composing. Among these probably
-may be reckoned those initial essays which we have prefixed to the
-historical matter contained in every book; and which we have
-determined to be essentially necessary to this kind of writing, of
-which we have set ourselves at the head.
-
-For this our determination we do not hold ourselves strictly bound to
-assign any reason; it being abundantly sufficient that we have laid it
-down as a rule necessary to be observed in all prosai-comi-epic
-writing. Who ever demanded the reasons of that nice unity of time or
-place which is now established to be so essential to dramatic poetry?
-What critic hath been ever asked, why a play may not contain two days
-as well as one? Or why the audience (provided they travel, like
-electors, without any expense) may not be wafted fifty miles as well
-as five? Hath any commentator well accounted for the limitation which
-an antient critic hath set to the drama, which he will have contain
-neither more nor less than five acts? Or hath any one living attempted
-to explain what the modern judges of our theatres mean by that word
-_low_; by which they have happily succeeded in banishing all humour
-from the stage, and have made the theatre as dull as a drawing-room!
-Upon all these occasions the world seems to have embraced a maxim of
-our law, viz., _cuicunque in arte sua perito credendum est:_ for it
-seems perhaps difficult to conceive that any one should have had
-enough of impudence to lay down dogmatical rules in any art or science
-without the least foundation. In such cases, therefore, we are apt to
-conclude there are sound and good reasons at the bottom, though we are
-unfortunately not able to see so far.
-
-Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to
-critics, and have imagined them men of much greater profundity than
-they really are. From this complacence, the critics have been
-emboldened to assume a dictatorial power, and have so far succeeded,
-that they are now become the masters, and have the assurance to give
-laws to those authors from whose predecessors they originally received
-them.
-
-The critic, rightly considered, is no more than the clerk, whose
-office it is to transcribe the rules and laws laid down by those great
-judges whose vast strength of genius hath placed them in the light of
-legislators, in the several sciences over which they presided. This
-office was all which the critics of old aspired to; nor did they ever
-dare to advance a sentence, without supporting it by the authority of
-the judge from whence it was borrowed.
-
-But in process of time, and in ages of ignorance, the clerk began to
-invade the power and assume the dignity of his master. The laws of
-writing were no longer founded on the practice of the author, but on
-the dictates of the critic. The clerk became the legislator, and those
-very peremptorily gave laws whose business it was, at first, only to
-transcribe them.
-
-Hence arose an obvious, and perhaps an unavoidable error; for these
-critics being men of shallow capacities, very easily mistook mere form
-for substance. They acted as a judge would, who should adhere to the
-lifeless letter of law, and reject the spirit. Little circumstances,
-which were perhaps accidental in a great author, were by these critics
-considered to constitute his chief merit, and transmitted as
-essentials to be observed by all his successors. To these
-encroachments, time and ignorance, the two great supporters of
-imposture, gave authority; and thus many rules for good writing have
-been established, which have not the least foundation in truth or
-nature; and which commonly serve for no other purpose than to curb and
-restrain genius, in the same manner as it would have restrained the
-dancing-master, had the many excellent treatises on that art laid it
-down as an essential rule that every man must dance in chains.
-
-To avoid, therefore, all imputation of laying down a rule for
-posterity, founded only on the authority of _ipse dixit_--for which,
-to say the truth, we have not the profoundest veneration--we shall
-here waive the privilege above contended for, and proceed to lay
-before the reader the reasons which have induced us to intersperse
-these several digressive essays in the course of this work.
-
-And here we shall of necessity be led to open a new vein of knowledge,
-which if it hath been discovered, hath not, to our remembrance, been
-wrought on by any antient or modern writer. This vein is no other than
-that of contrast, which runs through all the works of the creation,
-and may probably have a large share in constituting in us the idea of
-all beauty, as well natural as artificial: for what demonstrates the
-beauty and excellence of anything but its reverse? Thus the beauty of
-day, and that of summer, is set off by the horrors of night and
-winter. And, I believe, if it was possible for a man to have seen only
-the two former, he would have a very imperfect idea of their beauty.
-
-But to avoid too serious an air; can it be doubted, but that the
-finest woman in the world would lose all benefit of her charms in the
-eye of a man who had never seen one of another cast? The ladies
-themselves seem so sensible of this, that they are all industrious to
-procure foils: nay, they will become foils to themselves; for I have
-observed (at Bath particularly) that they endeavour to appear as ugly
-as possible in the morning, in order to set off that beauty which they
-intend to show you in the evening.
-
-Most artists have this secret in practice, though some, perhaps, have
-not much studied the theory. The jeweller knows that the finest
-brilliant requires a foil; and the painter, by the contrast of his
-figures, often acquires great applause.
-
-A great genius among us will illustrate this matter fully. I cannot,
-indeed, range him under any general head of common artists, as he hath
-a title to be placed among those
-
-       _Inventas qui vitam excoluere per artes._
-        Who by invented arts have life improved.
-
-I mean here the inventor of that most exquisite entertainment, called
-the English Pantomime.
-
-This entertainment consisted of two parts, which the inventor
-distinguished by the names of the serious and the comic. The serious
-exhibited a certain number of heathen gods and heroes, who were
-certainly the worst and dullest company into which an audience was
-ever introduced; and (which was a secret known to few) were actually
-intended so to be, in order to contrast the comic part of the
-entertainment, and to display the tricks of harlequin to the better
-advantage.
-
-This was, perhaps, no very civil use of such personages: but the
-contrivance was, nevertheless, ingenious enough, and had its effect.
-And this will now plainly appear, if, instead of serious and comic, we
-supply the words duller and dullest; for the comic was certainly
-duller than anything before shown on the stage, and could be set off
-only by that superlative degree of dulness which composed the serious.
-So intolerably serious, indeed, were these gods and heroes, that
-harlequin (though the English gentleman of that name is not at all
-related to the French family, for he is of a much more serious
-disposition) was always welcome on the stage, as he relieved the
-audience from worse company.
-
-Judicious writers have always practised this art of contrast with
-great success. I have been surprized that Horace should cavil at this
-art in Homer; but indeed he contradicts himself in the very next line:
-
-     _Indignor quandoque bonus dormitat Homerus;
-     Verum opere in longo fas est obrepere somnum._
-
-     I grieve if e'er great Homer chance to sleep,
-     Yet slumbers on long works have right to creep.
-
-For we are not here to understand, as perhaps some have, that an
-author actually falls asleep while he is writing. It is true, that
-readers are too apt to be so overtaken; but if the work was as long as
-any of Oldmixon, the author himself is too well entertained to be
-subject to the least drowsiness. He is, as Mr Pope observes,
-
-     Sleepless himself to give his readers sleep.
-
-To say the truth, these soporific parts are so many scenes of serious
-artfully interwoven, in order to contrast and set off the rest; and
-this is the true meaning of a late facetious writer, who told the
-public that whenever he was dull they might be assured there was a
-design in it.
-
-In this light, then, or rather in this darkness, I would have the
-reader to consider these initial essays. And after this warning, if he
-shall be of opinion that he can find enough of serious in other parts
-of this history, he may pass over these, in which we profess to be
-laboriously dull, and begin the following books at the second chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-In which Mr Jones receives many friendly visits during his
-confinement; with some fine touches of the passion of love, scarce
-visible to the naked eye.
-
-
-Tom Jones had many visitors during his confinement, though some,
-perhaps, were not very agreeable to him. Mr Allworthy saw him almost
-every day; but though he pitied Tom's sufferings, and greatly approved
-the gallant behaviour which had occasioned them; yet he thought this
-was a favourable opportunity to bring him to a sober sense of his
-indiscreet conduct; and that wholesome advice for that purpose could
-never be applied at a more proper season than at the present, when the
-mind was softened by pain and sickness, and alarmed by danger; and
-when its attention was unembarrassed with those turbulent passions
-which engage us in the pursuit of pleasure.
-
-At all seasons, therefore, when the good man was alone with the youth,
-especially when the latter was totally at ease, he took occasion to
-remind him of his former miscarriages, but in the mildest and
-tenderest manner, and only in order to introduce the caution which he
-prescribed for his future behaviour; "on which alone," he assured him,
-"would depend his own felicity, and the kindness which he might yet
-promise himself to receive at the hands of his father by adoption,
-unless he should hereafter forfeit his good opinion: for as to what
-had past," he said, "it should be all forgiven and forgotten. He
-therefore advised him to make a good use of this accident, that so in
-the end it might prove a visitation for his own good."
-
-Thwackum was likewise pretty assiduous in his visits; and he too
-considered a sick-bed to be a convenient scene for lectures. His
-stile, however, was more severe than Mr Allworthy's: he told his
-pupil, "That he ought to look on his broken limb as a judgment from
-heaven on his sins. That it would become him to be daily on his knees,
-pouring forth thanksgivings that he had broken his arm only, and not
-his neck; which latter," he said, "was very probably reserved for some
-future occasion, and that, perhaps, not very remote. For his part," he
-said, "he had often wondered some judgment had not overtaken him
-before; but it might be perceived by this, that Divine punishments,
-though slow, are always sure." Hence likewise he advised him, "to
-foresee, with equal certainty, the greater evils which were yet
-behind, and which were as sure as this of overtaking him in his state
-of reprobacy. These are," said he, "to be averted only by such a
-thorough and sincere repentance as is not to be expected or hoped for
-from one so abandoned in his youth, and whose mind, I am afraid, is
-totally corrupted. It is my duty, however, to exhort you to this
-repentance, though I too well know all exhortations will be vain and
-fruitless. But _liberavi animam meam._ I can accuse my own conscience
-of no neglect; though it is at the same time with the utmost concern I
-see you travelling on to certain misery in this world, and to as
-certain damnation in the next."
-
-Square talked in a very different strain; he said, "Such accidents as
-a broken bone were below the consideration of a wise man. That it was
-abundantly sufficient to reconcile the mind to any of these
-mischances, to reflect that they are liable to befal the wisest of
-mankind, and are undoubtedly for the good of the whole." He said, "It
-was a mere abuse of words to call those things evils, in which there
-was no moral unfitness: that pain, which was the worst consequence of
-such accidents, was the most contemptible thing in the world;" with
-more of the like sentences, extracted out of the second book of
-Tully's Tusculan questions, and from the great Lord Shaftesbury. In
-pronouncing these he was one day so eager, that he unfortunately bit
-his tongue; and in such a manner, that it not only put an end to his
-discourse, but created much emotion in him, and caused him to mutter
-an oath or two: but what was worst of all, this accident gave
-Thwackum, who was present, and who held all such doctrine to be
-heathenish and atheistical, an opportunity to clap a judgment on his
-back. Now this was done with so malicious a sneer, that it totally
-unhinged (if I may so say) the temper of the philosopher, which the
-bite of his tongue had somewhat ruffled; and as he was disabled from
-venting his wrath at his lips, he had possibly found a more violent
-method of revenging himself, had not the surgeon, who was then luckily
-in the room, contrary to his own interest, interposed and preserved
-the peace.
-
-Mr Blifil visited his friend Jones but seldom, and never alone. This
-worthy young man, however, professed much regard for him, and as great
-concern at his misfortune; but cautiously avoided any intimacy, lest,
-as he frequently hinted, it might contaminate the sobriety of his own
-character: for which purpose he had constantly in his mouth that
-proverb in which Solomon speaks against evil communication. Not that
-he was so bitter as Thwackum; for he always expressed some hopes of
-Tom's reformation; "which," he said, "the unparalleled goodness shown
-by his uncle on this occasion, must certainly effect in one not
-absolutely abandoned:" but concluded, "if Mr Jones ever offends
-hereafter, I shall not be able to say a syllable in his favour."
-
-As to Squire Western, he was seldom out of the sick-room, unless when
-he was engaged either in the field or over his bottle. Nay, he would
-sometimes retire hither to take his beer, and it was not without
-difficulty that he was prevented from forcing Jones to take his beer
-too: for no quack ever held his nostrum to be a more general panacea
-than he did this; which, he said, had more virtue in it than was in
-all the physic in an apothecary's shop. He was, however, by much
-entreaty, prevailed on to forbear the application of this medicine;
-but from serenading his patient every hunting morning with the horn
-under his window, it was impossible to withhold him; nor did he ever
-lay aside that hallow, with which he entered into all companies, when
-he visited Jones, without any regard to the sick person's being at
-that time either awake or asleep.
-
-This boisterous behaviour, as it meant no harm, so happily it effected
-none, and was abundantly compensated to Jones, as soon as he was able
-to sit up, by the company of Sophia, whom the squire then brought to
-visit him; nor was it, indeed, long before Jones was able to attend
-her to the harpsichord, where she would kindly condescend, for hours
-together, to charm him with the most delicious music, unless when the
-squire thought proper to interrupt her, by insisting on Old Sir Simon,
-or some other of his favourite pieces.
-
-Notwithstanding the nicest guard which Sophia endeavoured to set on
-her behaviour, she could not avoid letting some appearances now and
-then slip forth: for love may again be likened to a disease in this,
-that when it is denied a vent in one part, it will certainly break out
-in another. What her lips, therefore, concealed, her eyes, her
-blushes, and many little involuntary actions, betrayed.
-
-One day, when Sophia was playing on the harpsichord, and Jones was
-attending, the squire came into the room, crying, "There, Tom, I have
-had a battle for thee below-stairs with thick parson Thwackum. He hath
-been a telling Allworthy, before my face, that the broken bone was a
-judgment upon thee. D--n it, says I, how can that be? Did he not come
-by it in defence of a young woman? A judgment indeed! Pox, if he never
-doth anything worse, he will go to heaven sooner than all the parsons
-in the country. He hath more reason to glory in it than to be ashamed
-of it."--"Indeed, sir," says Jones, "I have no reason for either; but
-if it preserved Miss Western, I shall always think it the happiest
-accident of my life."--"And to gu," said the squire, "to zet Allworthy
-against thee vor it! D--n un, if the parson had unt his petticuoats
-on, I should have lent un o flick; for I love thee dearly, my boy, and
-d--n me if there is anything in my power which I won't do for thee.
-Sha't take thy choice of all the horses in my stable to-morrow
-morning, except only the Chevalier and Miss Slouch." Jones thanked
-him, but declined accepting the offer. "Nay," added the squire, "sha't
-ha the sorrel mare that Sophy rode. She cost me fifty guineas, and
-comes six years old this grass." "If she had cost me a thousand,"
-cries Jones passionately, "I would have given her to the dogs." "Pooh!
-pooh!" answered Western; "what! because she broke thy arm? Shouldst
-forget and forgive. I thought hadst been more a man than to bear
-malice against a dumb creature."--Here Sophia interposed, and put an
-end to the conversation, by desiring her father's leave to play to
-him; a request which he never refused.
-
-The countenance of Sophia had undergone more than one change during
-the foregoing speeches; and probably she imputed the passionate
-resentment which Jones had expressed against the mare, to a different
-motive from that from which her father had derived it. Her spirits
-were at this time in a visible flutter; and she played so intolerably
-ill, that had not Western soon fallen asleep, he must have remarked
-it. Jones, however, who was sufficiently awake, and was not without an
-ear any more than without eyes, made some observations; which being
-joined to all which the reader may remember to have passed formerly,
-gave him pretty strong assurances, when he came to reflect on the
-whole, that all was not well in the tender bosom of Sophia; an opinion
-which many young gentlemen will, I doubt not, extremely wonder at his
-not having been well confirmed in long ago. To confess the truth, he
-had rather too much diffidence in himself, and was not forward enough
-in seeing the advances of a young lady; a misfortune which can be
-cured only by that early town education, which is at present so
-generally in fashion.
-
-When these thoughts had fully taken possession of Jones, they
-occasioned a perturbation in his mind, which, in a constitution less
-pure and firm than his, might have been, at such a season, attended
-with very dangerous consequences. He was truly sensible of the great
-worth of Sophia. He extremely liked her person, no less admired her
-accomplishments, and tenderly loved her goodness. In reality, as he
-had never once entertained any thought of possessing her, nor had ever
-given the least voluntary indulgence to his inclinations, he had a
-much stronger passion for her than he himself was acquainted with. His
-heart now brought forth the full secret, at the same time that it
-assured him the adorable object returned his affection.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Which all who have no heart will think to contain much ado about
-nothing.
-
-
-The reader will perhaps imagine the sensations which now arose in
-Jones to have been so sweet and delicious, that they would rather tend
-to produce a chearful serenity in the mind, than any of those
-dangerous effects which we have mentioned; but in fact, sensations of
-this kind, however delicious, are, at their first recognition, of a
-very tumultuous nature, and have very little of the opiate in them.
-They were, moreover, in the present case, embittered with certain
-circumstances, which being mixed with sweeter ingredients, tended
-altogether to compose a draught that might be termed bitter-sweet;
-than which, as nothing can be more disagreeable to the palate, so
-nothing, in the metaphorical sense, can be so injurious to the mind.
-
-For first, though he had sufficient foundation to flatter himself in
-what he had observed in Sophia, he was not yet free from doubt of
-misconstruing compassion, or at best, esteem, into a warmer regard. He
-was far from a sanguine assurance that Sophia had any such affection
-towards him, as might promise his inclinations that harvest, which, if
-they were encouraged and nursed, they would finally grow up to
-require. Besides, if he could hope to find no bar to his happiness
-from the daughter, he thought himself certain of meeting an effectual
-bar in the father; who, though he was a country squire in his
-diversions, was perfectly a man of the world in whatever regarded his
-fortune; had the most violent affection for his only daughter, and had
-often signified, in his cups, the pleasure he proposed in seeing her
-married to one of the richest men in the county. Jones was not so vain
-and senseless a coxcomb as to expect, from any regard which Western
-had professed for him, that he would ever be induced to lay aside
-these views of advancing his daughter. He well knew that fortune is
-generally the principal, if not the sole, consideration, which
-operates on the best of parents in these matters: for friendship makes
-us warmly espouse the interest of others; but it is very cold to the
-gratification of their passions. Indeed, to feel the happiness which
-may result from this, it is necessary we should possess the passion
-ourselves. As he had therefore no hopes of obtaining her father's
-consent; so he thought to endeavour to succeed without it, and by such
-means to frustrate the great point of Mr Western's life, was to make a
-very ill use of his hospitality, and a very ungrateful return to the
-many little favours received (however roughly) at his hands. If he saw
-such a consequence with horror and disdain, how much more was he
-shocked with what regarded Mr Allworthy; to whom, as he had more than
-filial obligations, so had he for him more than filial piety! He knew
-the nature of that good man to be so averse to any baseness or
-treachery, that the least attempt of such a kind would make the sight
-of the guilty person for ever odious to his eyes, and his name a
-detestable sound in his ears. The appearance of such unsurmountable
-difficulties was sufficient to have inspired him with despair, however
-ardent his wishes had been; but even these were contruoled by
-compassion for another woman. The idea of lovely Molly now intruded
-itself before him. He had sworn eternal constancy in her arms, and she
-had as often vowed never to out-live his deserting her. He now saw her
-in all the most shocking postures of death; nay, he considered all the
-miseries of prostitution to which she would be liable, and of which he
-would be doubly the occasion; first by seducing, and then by deserting
-her; for he well knew the hatred which all her neighbours, and even
-her own sisters, bore her, and how ready they would all be to tear her
-to pieces. Indeed, he had exposed her to more envy than shame, or
-rather to the latter by means of the former: for many women abused her
-for being a whore, while they envied her her lover, and her finery,
-and would have been themselves glad to have purchased these at the
-same rate. The ruin, therefore, of the poor girl must, he foresaw,
-unavoidably attend his deserting her; and this thought stung him to
-the soul. Poverty and distress seemed to him to give none a right of
-aggravating those misfortunes. The meanness of her condition did not
-represent her misery as of little consequence in his eyes, nor did it
-appear to justify, or even to palliate, his guilt, in bringing that
-misery upon her. But why do I mention justification? His own heart
-would not suffer him to destroy a human creature who, he thought,
-loved him, and had to that love sacrificed her innocence. His own good
-heart pleaded her cause; not as a cold venal advocate, but as one
-interested in the event, and which must itself deeply share in all the
-agonies its owner brought on another.
-
-When this powerful advocate had sufficiently raised the pity of Jones,
-by painting poor Molly in all the circumstances of wretchedness; it
-artfully called in the assistance of another passion, and represented
-the girl in all the amiable colours of youth, health, and beauty; as
-one greatly the object of desire, and much more so, at least to a good
-mind, from being, at the same time, the object of compassion.
-
-Amidst these thoughts, poor Jones passed a long sleepless night, and
-in the morning the result of the whole was to abide by Molly, and to
-think no more of Sophia.
-
-In this virtuous resolution he continued all the next day till the
-evening, cherishing the idea of Molly, and driving Sophia from his
-thoughts; but in the fatal evening, a very trifling accident set all
-his passions again on float, and worked so total a change in his mind,
-that we think it decent to communicate it in a fresh chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-A little chapter, in which is contained a little incident.
-
-
-Among other visitants, who paid their compliments to the young
-gentleman in his confinement, Mrs Honour was one. The reader, perhaps,
-when he reflects on some expressions which have formerly dropt from
-her, may conceive that she herself had a very particular affection for
-Mr Jones; but, in reality, it was no such thing. Tom was a handsome
-young fellow; and for that species of men Mrs Honour had some regard;
-but this was perfectly indiscriminate; for having being crossed in the
-love which she bore a certain nobleman's footman, who had basely
-deserted her after a promise of marriage, she had so securely kept
-together the broken remains of her heart, that no man had ever since
-been able to possess himself of any single fragment. She viewed all
-handsome men with that equal regard and benevolence which a sober and
-virtuous mind bears to all the good. She might indeed be called a
-lover of men, as Socrates was a lover of mankind, preferring one to
-another for corporeal, as he for mental qualifications; but never
-carrying this preference so far as to cause any perturbation in the
-philosophical serenity of her temper.
-
-The day after Mr Jones had that conflict with himself which we have
-seen in the preceding chapter, Mrs Honour came into his room, and
-finding him alone, began in the following manner:--"La, sir, where do
-you think I have been? I warrants you, you would not guess in fifty
-years; but if you did guess, to be sure I must not tell you
-neither."--"Nay, if it be something which you must not tell me," said
-Jones, "I shall have the curiosity to enquire, and I know you will not
-be so barbarous to refuse me."--"I don't know," cries she, "why I
-should refuse you neither, for that matter; for to be sure you won't
-mention it any more. And for that matter, if you knew where I have
-been, unless you knew what I have been about, it would not signify
-much. Nay, I don't see why it should be kept a secret for my part; for
-to be sure she is the best lady in the world." Upon this, Jones began
-to beg earnestly to be let into this secret, and faithfully promised
-not to divulge it. She then proceeded thus:--"Why, you must know, sir,
-my young lady sent me to enquire after Molly Seagrim, and to see
-whether the wench wanted anything; to be sure, I did not care to go,
-methinks; but servants must do what they are ordered.--How could you
-undervalue yourself so, Mr Jones?--So my lady bid me go and carry her
-some linen, and other things. She is too good. If such forward sluts
-were sent to Bridewell, it would be better for them. I told my lady,
-says I, madam, your la'ship is encouraging idleness."--"And was my
-Sophia so good?" says Jones. "My Sophia! I assure you, marry come up,"
-answered Honour. "And yet if you knew all--indeed, if I was as Mr
-Jones, I should look a little higher than such trumpery as Molly
-Seagrim." "What do you mean by these words," replied Jones, "if I knew
-all?" "I mean what I mean," says Honour. "Don't you remember putting
-your hands in my lady's muff once? I vow I could almost find in my
-heart to tell, if I was certain my lady would never come to the
-hearing on't." Jones then made several solemn protestations. And
-Honour proceeded--"Then to be sure, my lady gave me that muff; and
-afterwards, upon hearing what you had done"--"Then you told her what I
-had done?" interrupted Jones. "If I did, sir," answered she, "you need
-not be angry with me. Many's the man would have given his head to have
-had my lady told, if they had known,--for, to be sure, the biggest
-lord in the land might be proud--but, I protest, I have a great mind
-not to tell you." Jones fell to entreaties, and soon prevailed on her
-to go on thus. "You must know then, sir, that my lady had given this
-muff to me; but about a day or two after I had told her the story, she
-quarrels with her new muff, and to be sure it is the prettiest that
-ever was seen. Honour, says she, this is an odious muff; it is too big
-for me, I can't wear it: till I can get another, you must let me have
-my old one again, and you may have this in the room on't--for she's a
-good lady, and scorns to give a thing and take a thing, I promise you
-that. So to be sure I fetched it her back again, and, I believe, she
-hath worn it upon her arm almost ever since, and I warrants hath given
-it many a kiss when nobody hath seen her."
-
-Here the conversation was interrupted by Mr Western himself, who came
-to summon Jones to the harpsichord; whither the poor young fellow went
-all pale and trembling. This Western observed, but, on seeing Mrs
-Honour, imputed it to a wrong cause; and having given Jones a hearty
-curse between jest and earnest, he bid him beat abroad, and not poach
-up the game in his warren.
-
-Sophia looked this evening with more than usual beauty, and we may
-believe it was no small addition to her charms, in the eye of Mr
-Jones, that she now happened to have on her right arm this very muff.
-
-She was playing one of her father's favourite tunes, and he was
-leaning on her chair, when the muff fell over her fingers, and put her
-out. This so disconcerted the squire, that he snatched the muff from
-her, and with a hearty curse threw it into the fire. Sophia instantly
-started up, and with the utmost eagerness recovered it from the
-flames.
-
-Though this incident will probably appear of little consequence to
-many of our readers; yet, trifling as it was, it had so violent an
-effect on poor Jones, that we thought it our duty to relate it. In
-reality, there are many little circumstances too often omitted by
-injudicious historians, from which events of the utmost importance
-arise. The world may indeed be considered as a vast machine, in which
-the great wheels are originally set in motion by those which are very
-minute, and almost imperceptible to any but the strongest eyes.
-
-Thus, not all the charms of the incomparable Sophia; not all the
-dazzling brightness, and languishing softness of her eyes; the harmony
-of her voice, and of her person; not all her wit, good-humour,
-greatness of mind, or sweetness of disposition, had been able so
-absolutely to conquer and enslave the heart of poor Jones, as this
-little incident of the muff. Thus the poet sweetly sings of Troy--
-
-      _--Captique dolis lachrymisque coacti
-      Quos neque Tydides, nec Larissaeus Achilles,
-      Non anni domuere decem, non mille Carinae._
-
-      What Diomede or Thetis' greater son,
-      A thousand ships, nor ten years' siege had done
-      False tears and fawning words the city won.
-
-The citadel of Jones was now taken by surprize. All those
-considerations of honour and prudence which our heroe had lately with
-so much military wisdom placed as guards over the avenues of his
-heart, ran away from their posts, and the god of love marched in, in
-triumph.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-A very long chapter, containing a very great incident.
-
-
-But though this victorious deity easily expelled his avowed enemies
-from the heart of Jones, he found it more difficult to supplant the
-garrison which he himself had placed there. To lay aside all allegory,
-the concern for what must become of poor Molly greatly disturbed and
-perplexed the mind of the worthy youth. The superior merit of Sophia
-totally eclipsed, or rather extinguished, all the beauties of the poor
-girl; but compassion instead of contempt succeeded to love. He was
-convinced the girl had placed all her affections, and all her prospect
-of future happiness, in him only. For this he had, he knew, given
-sufficient occasion, by the utmost profusion of tenderness towards
-her: a tenderness which he had taken every means to persuade her he
-would always maintain. She, on her side, had assured him of her firm
-belief in his promise, and had with the most solemn vows declared,
-that on his fulfilling or breaking these promises, it depended,
-whether she should be the happiest or most miserable of womankind. And
-to be the author of this highest degree of misery to a human being,
-was a thought on which he could not bear to ruminate a single moment.
-He considered this poor girl as having sacrificed to him everything in
-her little power; as having been at her own expense the object of his
-pleasure; as sighing and languishing for him even at that very
-instant. Shall then, says he, my recovery, for which she hath so
-ardently wished; shall my presence, which she hath so eagerly
-expected, instead of giving her that joy with which she hath flattered
-herself, cast her at once down into misery and despair? Can I be such
-a villain? Here, when the genius of poor Molly seemed triumphant, the
-love of Sophia towards him, which now appeared no longer dubious,
-rushed upon his mind, and bore away every obstacle before it.
-
-At length it occurred to him, that he might possibly be able to make
-Molly amends another way; namely, by giving her a sum of money. This,
-nevertheless, he almost despaired of her accepting, when he
-recollected the frequent and vehement assurances he had received from
-her, that the world put in balance with him would make her no amends
-for his loss. However, her extreme poverty, and chiefly her egregious
-vanity (somewhat of which hath been already hinted to the reader),
-gave him some little hope, that, notwithstanding all her avowed
-tenderness, she might in time be brought to content herself with a
-fortune superior to her expectation, and which might indulge her
-vanity, by setting her above all her equals. He resolved therefore to
-take the first opportunity of making a proposal of this kind.
-
-One day, accordingly, when his arm was so well recovered that he could
-walk easily with it slung in a sash, he stole forth, at a season when
-the squire was engaged in his field exercises, and visited his fair
-one. Her mother and sisters, whom he found taking their tea, informed
-him first that Molly was not at home; but afterwards the eldest sister
-acquainted him, with a malicious smile, that she was above stairs
-a-bed. Tom had no objection to this situation of his mistress, and
-immediately ascended the ladder which led towards her bed-chamber; but
-when he came to the top, he, to his great surprize, found the door
-fast; nor could he for some time obtain any answer from within; for
-Molly, as she herself afterwards informed him, was fast asleep.
-
-The extremes of grief and joy have been remarked to produce very
-similar effects; and when either of these rushes on us by surprize, it
-is apt to create such a total perturbation and confusion, that we are
-often thereby deprived of the use of all our faculties. It cannot
-therefore be wondered at, that the unexpected sight of Mr Jones should
-so strongly operate on the mind of Molly, and should overwhelm her
-with such confusion, that for some minutes she was unable to express
-the great raptures, with which the reader will suppose she was
-affected on this occasion. As for Jones, he was so entirely possessed,
-and as it were enchanted, by the presence of his beloved object, that
-he for a while forgot Sophia, and consequently the principal purpose
-of his visit.
-
-This, however, soon recurred to his memory; and after the first
-transports of their meeting were over, he found means by degrees to
-introduce a discourse on the fatal consequences which must attend
-their amour, if Mr Allworthy, who had strictly forbidden him ever
-seeing her more, should discover that he still carried on this
-commerce. Such a discovery, which his enemies gave him reason to think
-would be unavoidable, must, he said, end in his ruin, and consequently
-in hers. Since therefore their hard fates had determined that they
-must separate, he advised her to bear it with resolution, and swore he
-would never omit any opportunity, through the course of his life, of
-showing her the sincerity of his affection, by providing for her in a
-manner beyond her utmost expectation, or even beyond her wishes, if
-ever that should be in his power; concluding at last, that she might
-soon find some man who would marry her, and who would make her much
-happier than she could be by leading a disreputable life with him.
-
-Molly remained a few moments in silence, and then bursting into a
-flood of tears, she began to upbraid him in the following words: "And
-this is your love for me, to forsake me in this manner, now you have
-ruined me! How often, when I have told you that all men are false and
-perjury alike, and grow tired of us as soon as ever they have had
-their wicked wills of us, how often have you sworn you would never
-forsake me! And can you be such a perjury man after all? What
-signifies all the riches in the world to me without you, now you have
-gained my heart, so you have--you have--? Why do you mention another
-man to me? I can never love any other man as long as I live. All other
-men are nothing to me. If the greatest squire in all the country would
-come a suiting to me to-morrow, I would not give my company to him.
-No, I shall always hate and despise the whole sex for your sake."--
-
-She was proceeding thus, when an accident put a stop to her tongue,
-before it had run out half its career. The room, or rather garret, in
-which Molly lay, being up one pair of stairs, that is to say, at the
-top of the house, was of a sloping figure, resembling the great Delta
-of the Greeks. The English reader may perhaps form a better idea of
-it, by being told that it was impossible to stand upright anywhere but
-in the middle. Now, as this room wanted the conveniency of a closet,
-Molly had, to supply that defect, nailed up an old rug against the
-rafters of the house, which enclosed a little hole where her best
-apparel, such as the remains of that sack which we have formerly
-mentioned, some caps, and other things with which she had lately
-provided herself, were hung up and secured from the dust.
-
-This enclosed place exactly fronted the foot of the bed, to which,
-indeed, the rug hung so near, that it served in a manner to supply the
-want of curtains. Now, whether Molly, in the agonies of her rage,
-pushed this rug with her feet; or Jones might touch it; or whether the
-pin or nail gave way of its own accord, I am not certain; but as Molly
-pronounced those last words, which are recorded above, the wicked rug
-got loose from its fastening, and discovered everything hid behind it;
-where among other female utensils appeared--(with shame I write it,
-and with sorrow will it be read)--the philosopher Square, in a posture
-(for the place would not near admit his standing upright) as
-ridiculous as can possibly be conceived.
-
-The posture, indeed, in which he stood, was not greatly unlike that of
-a soldier who is tied neck and heels; or rather resembling the
-attitude in which we often see fellows in the public streets of
-London, who are not suffering but deserving punishment by so standing.
-He had a nightcap belonging to Molly on his head, and his two large
-eyes, the moment the rug fell, stared directly at Jones; so that when
-the idea of philosophy was added to the figure now discovered, it
-would have been very difficult for any spectator to have refrained
-from immoderate laughter.
-
-I question not but the surprize of the reader will be here equal to
-that of Jones; as the suspicions which must arise from the appearance
-of this wise and grave man in such a place, may seem so inconsistent
-with that character which he hath, doubtless, maintained hitherto, in
-the opinion of every one.
-
-But to confess the truth, this inconsistency is rather imaginary than
-real. Philosophers are composed of flesh and blood as well as other
-human creatures; and however sublimated and refined the theory of
-these may be, a little practical frailty is as incident to them as to
-other mortals. It is, indeed, in theory only, and not in practice, as
-we have before hinted, that consists the difference: for though such
-great beings think much better and more wisely, they always act
-exactly like other men. They know very well how to subdue all
-appetites and passions, and to despise both pain and pleasure; and
-this knowledge affords much delightful contemplation, and is easily
-acquired; but the practice would be vexatious and troublesome; and,
-therefore, the same wisdom which teaches them to know this, teaches
-them to avoid carrying it into execution.
-
-Mr Square happened to be at church on that Sunday, when, as the reader
-may be pleased to remember, the appearance of Molly in her sack had
-caused all that disturbance. Here he first observed her, and was so
-pleased with her beauty, that he prevailed with the young gentlemen to
-change their intended ride that evening, that he might pass by the
-habitation of Molly, and by that means might obtain a second chance of
-seeing her. This reason, however, as he did not at that time mention
-to any, so neither did we think proper to communicate it then to the
-reader.
-
-Among other particulars which constituted the unfitness of things in
-Mr Square's opinion, danger and difficulty were two. The difficulty
-therefore which he apprehended there might be in corrupting this young
-wench, and the danger which would accrue to his character on the
-discovery, were such strong dissuasives, that it is probable he at
-first intended to have contented himself with the pleasing ideas which
-the sight of beauty furnishes us with. These the gravest men, after a
-full meal of serious meditation, often allow themselves by way of
-dessert: for which purpose, certain books and pictures find their way
-into the most private recesses of their study, and a certain liquorish
-part of natural philosophy is often the principal subject of their
-conversation.
-
-But when the philosopher heard, a day or two afterwards, that the
-fortress of virtue had already been subdued, he began to give a larger
-scope to his desires. His appetite was not of that squeamish kind
-which cannot feed on a dainty because another hath tasted it. In
-short, he liked the girl the better for the want of that chastity,
-which, if she had possessed it, must have been a bar to his pleasures;
-he pursued and obtained her.
-
-The reader will be mistaken, if he thinks Molly gave Square the
-preference to her younger lover: on the contrary, had she been
-confined to the choice of one only, Tom Jones would undoubtedly have
-been, of the two, the victorious person. Nor was it solely the
-consideration that two are better than one (though this had its proper
-weight) to which Mr Square owed his success: the absence of Jones
-during his confinement was an unlucky circumstance; and in that
-interval some well-chosen presents from the philosopher so softened
-and unguarded the girl's heart, that a favourable opportunity became
-irresistible, and Square triumphed over the poor remains of virtue
-which subsisted in the bosom of Molly.
-
-It was now about a fortnight since this conquest, when Jones paid the
-above-mentioned visit to his mistress, at a time when she and Square
-were in bed together. This was the true reason why the mother denied
-her as we have seen; for as the old woman shared in the profits
-arising from the iniquity of her daughter, she encouraged and
-protected her in it to the utmost of her power; but such was the envy
-and hatred which the elder sister bore towards Molly, that,
-notwithstanding she had some part of the booty, she would willingly
-have parted with this to ruin her sister and spoil her trade. Hence
-she had acquainted Jones with her being above-stairs in bed, in hopes
-that he might have caught her in Square's arms. This, however, Molly
-found means to prevent, as the door was fastened; which gave her an
-opportunity of conveying her lover behind that rug or blanket where he
-now was unhappily discovered.
-
-Square no sooner made his appearance than Molly flung herself back in
-her bed, cried out she was undone, and abandoned herself to despair.
-This poor girl, who was yet but a novice in her business, had not
-arrived to that perfection of assurance which helps off a town lady in
-any extremity; and either prompts her with an excuse, or else inspires
-her to brazen out the matter with her husband, who, from love of
-quiet, or out of fear of his reputation--and sometimes, perhaps, from
-fear of the gallant, who, like Mr Constant in the play, wears a
-sword--is glad to shut his eyes, and content to put his horns in his
-pocket. Molly, on the contrary, was silenced by this evidence, and
-very fairly gave up a cause which she had hitherto maintained with so
-many tears, and with such solemn and vehement protestations of the
-purest love and constancy.
-
-As to the gentleman behind the arras, he was not in much less
-consternation. He stood for a while motionless, and seemed equally at
-a loss what to say, or whither to direct his eyes. Jones, though
-perhaps the most astonished of the three, first found his tongue; and
-being immediately recovered from those uneasy sensations which Molly
-by her upbraidings had occasioned, he burst into a loud laughter, and
-then saluting Mr Square, advanced to take him by the hand, and to
-relieve him from his place of confinement.
-
-Square being now arrived in the middle of the room, in which part only
-he could stand upright, looked at Jones with a very grave countenance,
-and said to him, "Well, sir, I see you enjoy this mighty discovery,
-and, I dare swear, take great delight in the thoughts of exposing me;
-but if you will consider the matter fairly, you will find you are
-yourself only to blame. I am not guilty of corrupting innocence. I
-have done nothing for which that part of the world which judges of
-matters by the rule of right, will condemn me. Fitness is governed by
-the nature of things, and not by customs, forms, or municipal laws.
-Nothing is indeed unfit which is not unnatural."--"Well reasoned, old
-boy," answered Jones; "but why dost thou think that I should desire to
-expose thee? I promise thee, I was never better pleased with thee in
-my life; and unless thou hast a mind to discover it thyself, this
-affair may remain a profound secret for me."--"Nay, Mr Jones," replied
-Square, "I would not be thought to undervalue reputation. Good fame is
-a species of the Kalon, and it is by no means fitting to neglect it.
-Besides, to murder one's own reputation is a kind of suicide, a
-detestable and odious vice. If you think proper, therefore, to conceal
-any infirmity of mine (for such I may have, since no man is perfectly
-perfect), I promise you I will not betray myself. Things may be
-fitting to be done, which are not fitting to be boasted of; for
-by the perverse judgment of the world, that often becomes the
-subject of censure, which is, in truth, not only innocent but
-laudable."--"Right!" cries Jones: "what can be more innocent than the
-indulgence of a natural appetite? or what more laudable than the
-propagation of our species?"--"To be serious with you," answered
-Square, "I profess they always appeared so to me."--"And yet," said
-Jones, "you was of a different opinion when my affair with this girl
-was first discovered."--"Why, I must confess," says Square, "as the
-matter was misrepresented to me, by that parson Thwackum, I might
-condemn the corruption of innocence: it was that, sir, it was
-that--and that--: for you must know, Mr Jones, in the consideration of
-fitness, very minute circumstances, sir, very minute circumstances
-cause great alteration."--"Well," cries Jones, "be that as it will, it
-shall be your own fault, as I have promised you, if you ever hear any
-more of this adventure. Behave kindly to the girl, and I will never
-open my lips concerning the matter to any one. And, Molly, do you be
-faithful to your friend, and I will not only forgive your infidelity
-to me, but will do you all the service I can." So saying, he took a
-hasty leave, and, slipping down the ladder, retired with much
-expedition.
-
-Square was rejoiced to find this adventure was likely to have no worse
-conclusion; and as for Molly, being recovered from her confusion, she
-began at first to upbraid Square with having been the occasion of her
-loss of Jones; but that gentleman soon found the means of mitigating
-her anger, partly by caresses, and partly by a small nostrum from his
-purse, of wonderful and approved efficacy in purging off the ill
-humours of the mind, and in restoring it to a good temper.
-
-She then poured forth a vast profusion of tenderness towards her new
-lover; turned all she had said to Jones, and Jones himself, into
-ridicule; and vowed, though he once had the possession of her person,
-that none but Square had ever been master of her heart.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-By comparing which with the former, the reader may possibly correct
-some abuse which he hath formerly been guilty of in the application of
-the word love.
-
-
-The infidelity of Molly, which Jones had now discovered, would,
-perhaps, have vindicated a much greater degree of resentment than he
-expressed on the occasion; and if he had abandoned her directly from
-that moment, very few, I believe, would have blamed him.
-
-Certain, however, it is, that he saw her in the light of compassion;
-and though his love to her was not of that kind which could give him
-any great uneasiness at her inconstancy, yet was he not a little
-shocked on reflecting that he had himself originally corrupted her
-innocence; for to this corruption he imputed all the vice into which
-she appeared now so likely to plunge herself.
-
-This consideration gave him no little uneasiness, till Betty, the
-elder sister, was so kind, some time afterwards, entirely to cure him
-by a hint, that one Will Barnes, and not himself, had been the first
-seducer of Molly; and that the little child, which he had hitherto so
-certainly concluded to be his own, might very probably have an equal
-title, at least, to claim Barnes for its father.
-
-Jones eagerly pursued this scent when he had first received it; and in
-a very short time was sufficiently assured that the girl had told him
-truth, not only by the confession of the fellow, but at last by that
-of Molly herself.
-
-This Will Barnes was a country gallant, and had acquired as many
-trophies of this kind as any ensign or attorney's clerk in the
-kingdom. He had, indeed, reduced several women to a state of utter
-profligacy, had broke the hearts of some, and had the honour of
-occasioning the violent death of one poor girl, who had either drowned
-herself, or, what was rather more probable, had been drowned by him.
-
-Among other of his conquests, this fellow had triumphed over the heart
-of Betty Seagrim. He had made love to her long before Molly was grown
-to be a fit object of that pastime; but had afterwards deserted her,
-and applied to her sister, with whom he had almost immediate success.
-Now Will had, in reality, the sole possession of Molly's affection,
-while Jones and Square were almost equally sacrifices to her interest
-and to her pride.
-
-Hence had grown that implacable hatred which we have before seen
-raging in the mind of Betty; though we did not think it necessary to
-assign this cause sooner, as envy itself alone was adequate to all the
-effects we have mentioned.
-
-Jones was become perfectly easy by possession of this secret with
-regard to Molly; but as to Sophia, he was far from being in a state of
-tranquillity; nay, indeed, he was under the most violent perturbation;
-his heart was now, if I may use the metaphor, entirely evacuated, and
-Sophia took absolute possession of it. He loved her with an unbounded
-passion, and plainly saw the tender sentiments she had for him; yet
-could not this assurance lessen his despair of obtaining the consent
-of her father, nor the horrors which attended his pursuit of her by
-any base or treacherous method.
-
-The injury which he must thus do to Mr Western, and the concern which
-would accrue to Mr Allworthy, were circumstances that tormented him
-all day, and haunted him on his pillow at night. His life was a
-constant struggle between honour and inclination, which alternately
-triumphed over each other in his mind. He often resolved, in the
-absence of Sophia, to leave her father's house, and to see her no
-more; and as often, in her presence, forgot all those resolutions, and
-determined to pursue her at the hazard of his life, and at the
-forfeiture of what was much dearer to him.
-
-This conflict began soon to produce very strong and visible effects:
-for he lost all his usual sprightliness and gaiety of temper, and
-became not only melancholy when alone, but dejected and absent in
-company; nay, if ever he put on a forced mirth, to comply with Mr
-Western's humour, the constraint appeared so plain, that he seemed to
-have been giving the strongest evidence of what he endeavoured to
-conceal by such ostentation.
-
-It may, perhaps, be a question, whether the art which he used to
-conceal his passion, or the means which honest nature employed to
-reveal it, betrayed him most: for while art made him more than ever
-reserved to Sophia, and forbad him to address any of his discourse to
-her, nay, to avoid meeting her eyes, with the utmost caution; nature
-was no less busy in counterplotting him. Hence, at the approach of the
-young lady, he grew pale; and if this was sudden, started. If his eyes
-accidentally met hers, the blood rushed into his cheeks, and his
-countenance became all over scarlet. If common civility ever obliged
-him to speak to her, as to drink her health at table, his tongue was
-sure to falter. If he touched her, his hand, nay his whole frame,
-trembled. And if any discourse tended, however remotely, to raise the
-idea of love, an involuntary sigh seldom failed to steal from his
-bosom. Most of which accidents nature was wonderfully industrious to
-throw daily in his way.
-
-All these symptoms escaped the notice of the squire: but not so of
-Sophia. She soon perceived these agitations of mind in Jones, and was
-at no loss to discover the cause; for indeed she recognized it in her
-own breast. And this recognition is, I suppose, that sympathy which
-hath been so often noted in lovers, and which will sufficiently
-account for her being so much quicker-sighted than her father.
-
-But, to say the truth, there is a more simple and plain method of
-accounting for that prodigious superiority of penetration which we
-must observe in some men over the rest of the human species, and one
-which will serve not only in the case of lovers, but of all others.
-From whence is it that the knave is generally so quick-sighted to
-those symptoms and operations of knavery, which often dupe an honest
-man of a much better understanding? There surely is no general
-sympathy among knaves; nor have they, like freemasons, any common sign
-of communication. In reality, it is only because they have the same
-thing in their heads, and their thoughts are turned the same way.
-Thus, that Sophia saw, and that Western did not see, the plain
-symptoms of love in Jones can be no wonder, when we consider that the
-idea of love never entered into the head of the father, whereas the
-daughter, at present, thought of nothing else.
-
-When Sophia was well satisfied of the violent passion which tormented
-poor Jones, and no less certain that she herself was its object, she
-had not the least difficulty in discovering the true cause of his
-present behaviour. This highly endeared him to her, and raised in her
-mind two of the best affections which any lover can wish to raise in a
-mistress--these were, esteem and pity--for sure the most outrageously
-rigid among her sex will excuse her pitying a man whom she saw
-miserable on her own account; nor can they blame her for esteeming one
-who visibly, from the most honourable motives, endeavoured to smother
-a flame in his own bosom, which, like the famous Spartan theft, was
-preying upon and consuming his very vitals. Thus his backwardness, his
-shunning her, his coldness, and his silence, were the forwardest, the
-most diligent, the warmest, and most eloquent advocates; and wrought
-so violently on her sensible and tender heart, that she soon felt for
-him all those gentle sensations which are consistent with a virtuous
-and elevated female mind. In short, all which esteem, gratitude, and
-pity, can inspire in such towards an agreeable man--indeed, all which
-the nicest delicacy can allow. In a word, she was in love with him to
-distraction.
-
-One day this young couple accidentally met in the garden, at the end
-of the two walks which were both bounded by that canal in which Jones
-had formerly risqued drowning to retrieve the little bird that Sophia
-had there lost.
-
-This place had been of late much frequented by Sophia. Here she used
-to ruminate, with a mixture of pain and pleasure, on an incident
-which, however trifling in itself, had possibly sown the first seeds
-of that affection which was now arrived to such maturity in her heart.
-
-Here then this young couple met. They were almost close together
-before either of them knew anything of the other's approach. A
-bystander would have discovered sufficient marks of confusion in the
-countenance of each; but they felt too much themselves to make any
-observation. As soon as Jones had a little recovered his first
-surprize, he accosted the young lady with some of the ordinary forms
-of salutation, which she in the same manner returned; and their
-conversation began, as usual, on the delicious beauty of the morning.
-Hence they past to the beauty of the place, on which Jones launched
-forth very high encomiums. When they came to the tree whence he had
-formerly tumbled into the canal, Sophia could not help reminding him
-of that accident, and said, "I fancy, Mr Jones, you have some little
-shuddering when you see that water."--"I assure you, madam," answered
-Jones, "the concern you felt at the loss of your little bird will
-always appear to me the highest circumstance in that adventure. Poor
-little Tommy! there is the branch he stood upon. How could the little
-wretch have the folly to fly away from that state of happiness in
-which I had the honour to place him? His fate was a just punishment
-for his ingratitude."--"Upon my word, Mr Jones," said she, "your
-gallantry very narrowly escaped as severe a fate. Sure the remembrance
-must affect you."--"Indeed, madam," answered he, "if I have any reason
-to reflect with sorrow on it, it is, perhaps, that the water had not
-been a little deeper, by which I might have escaped many bitter
-heart-aches that Fortune seems to have in store for me."--"Fie, Mr
-Jones!" replied Sophia; "I am sure you cannot be in earnest now. This
-affected contempt of life is only an excess of your complacence to me.
-You would endeavour to lessen the obligation of having twice ventured
-it for my sake. Beware the third time." She spoke these last words
-with a smile, and a softness inexpressible. Jones answered with a
-sigh, "He feared it was already too late for caution:" and then
-looking tenderly and stedfastly on her, he cried, "Oh, Miss Western!
-can you desire me to live? Can you wish me so ill?" Sophia, looking
-down on the ground, answered with some hesitation, "Indeed, Mr Jones,
-I do not wish you ill."--"Oh, I know too well that heavenly temper,"
-cries Jones, "that divine goodness, which is beyond every other
-charm."--"Nay, now," answered she, "I understand you not. I can stay
-no longer."--"I--I would not be understood!" cries he; "nay, I can't
-be understood. I know not what I say. Meeting you here so
-unexpectedly, I have been unguarded: for Heaven's sake pardon me, if I
-have said anything to offend you. I did not mean it. Indeed, I would
-rather have died--nay, the very thought would kill me."--"You surprize
-me," answered she. "How can you possibly think you have offended
-me?"--"Fear, madam," says he, "easily runs into madness; and there is
-no degree of fear like that which I feel of offending you. How can I
-speak then? Nay, don't look angrily at me: one frown will destroy me.
-I mean nothing. Blame my eyes, or blame those beauties. What am I
-saying? Pardon me if I have said too much. My heart overflowed. I have
-struggled with my love to the utmost, and have endeavoured to conceal
-a fever which preys on my vitals, and will, I hope, soon make it
-impossible for me ever to offend you more."
-
-Mr Jones now fell a trembling as if he had been shaken with the fit of
-an ague. Sophia, who was in a situation not very different from his,
-answered in these words: "Mr Jones, I will not affect to misunderstand
-you; indeed, I understand you too well; but, for Heaven's sake, if you
-have any affection for me, let me make the best of my way into the
-house. I wish I may be able to support myself thither."
-
-Jones, who was hardly able to support himself, offered her his arm,
-which she condescended to accept, but begged he would not mention a
-word more to her of this nature at present. He promised he would not;
-insisting only on her forgiveness of what love, without the leave of
-his will, had forced from him: this, she told him, he knew how to
-obtain by his future behaviour; and thus this young pair tottered and
-trembled along, the lover not once daring to squeeze the hand of his
-mistress, though it was locked in his.
-
-Sophia immediately retired to her chamber, where Mrs Honour and the
-hartshorn were summoned to her assistance. As to poor Jones, the only
-relief to his distempered mind was an unwelcome piece of news, which,
-as it opens a scene of different nature from those in which the reader
-hath lately been conversant, will be communicated to him in the next
-chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which Mr Allworthy appears on a sick-bed.
-
-
-Mr Western was become so fond of Jones that he was unwilling to part
-with him, though his arm had been long since cured; and Jones, either
-from the love of sport, or from some other reason, was easily
-persuaded to continue at his house, which he did sometimes for a
-fortnight together without paying a single visit at Mr Allworthy's;
-nay, without ever hearing from thence.
-
-Mr Allworthy had been for some days indisposed with a cold, which had
-been attended with a little fever. This he had, however, neglected; as
-it was usual with him to do all manner of disorders which did not
-confine him to his bed, or prevent his several faculties from
-performing their ordinary functions;--a conduct which we would by no
-means be thought to approve or recommend to imitation; for surely the
-gentlemen of the Aesculapian art are in the right in advising, that
-the moment the disease has entered at one door, the physician should
-be introduced at the other: what else is meant by that old adage,
-_Venienti occurrite morbo?_ "Oppose a distemper at its first
-approach." Thus the doctor and the disease meet in fair and equal
-conflict; whereas, by giving time to the latter, we often suffer him
-to fortify and entrench himself, like a French army; so that the
-learned gentleman finds it very difficult, and sometimes impossible,
-to come at the enemy. Nay, sometimes by gaining time the disease
-applies to the French military politics, and corrupts nature over to
-his side, and then all the powers of physic must arrive too late.
-Agreeable to these observations was, I remember, the complaint of the
-great Doctor Misaubin, who used very pathetically to lament the late
-applications which were made to his skill, saying, "Bygar, me believe
-my pation take me for de undertaker, for dey never send for me till de
-physicion have kill dem."
-
-Mr Allworthy's distemper, by means of this neglect, gained such
-ground, that, when the increase of his fever obliged him to send for
-assistance, the doctor at his first arrival shook his head, wished he
-had been sent for sooner, and intimated that he thought him in very
-imminent danger. Mr Allworthy, who had settled all his affairs in this
-world, and was as well prepared as it is possible for human nature to
-be for the other, received this information with the utmost calmness
-and unconcern. He could, indeed, whenever he laid himself down to
-rest, say with Cato in the tragical poem--
-
-                               Let guilt or fear
-     Disturb man's rest: Cato knows neither of them;
-     Indifferent in his choice to sleep or die.
-
-In reality, he could say this with ten times more reason and
-confidence than Cato, or any other proud fellow among the antient or
-modern heroes; for he was not only devoid of fear, but might be
-considered as a faithful labourer, when at the end of harvest he is
-summoned to receive his reward at the hands of a bountiful master.
-
-The good man gave immediate orders for all his family to be summoned
-round him. None of these were then abroad, but Mrs Blifil, who had
-been some time in London, and Mr Jones, whom the reader hath just
-parted from at Mr Western's, and who received this summons just as
-Sophia had left him.
-
-The news of Mr Allworthy's danger (for the servant told him he was
-dying) drove all thoughts of love out of his head. He hurried
-instantly into the chariot which was sent for him, and ordered the
-coachman to drive with all imaginable haste; nor did the idea of
-Sophia, I believe, once occur to him on the way.
-
-And now the whole family, namely, Mr Blifil, Mr Jones, Mr Thwackum, Mr
-Square, and some of the servants (for such were Mr Allworthy's orders)
-being all assembled round his bed, the good man sat up in it, and was
-beginning to speak, when Blifil fell to blubbering, and began to
-express very loud and bitter lamentations. Upon this Mr Allworthy
-shook him by the hand, and said, "Do not sorrow thus, my dear nephew,
-at the most ordinary of all human occurrences. When misfortunes befal
-our friends we are justly grieved; for those are accidents which might
-often have been avoided, and which may seem to render the lot of one
-man more peculiarly unhappy than that of others; but death is
-certainly unavoidable, and is that common lot in which alone the
-fortunes of all men agree: nor is the time when this happens to us
-very material. If the wisest of men hath compared life to a span,
-surely we may be allowed to consider it as a day. It is my fate to
-leave it in the evening; but those who are taken away earlier have
-only lost a few hours, at the best little worth lamenting, and much
-oftener hours of labour and fatigue, of pain and sorrow. One of the
-Roman poets, I remember, likens our leaving life to our departure from
-a feast;--a thought which hath often occurred to me when I have seen
-men struggling to protract an entertainment, and to enjoy the company
-of their friends a few moments longer. Alas! how short is the most
-protracted of such enjoyments! how immaterial the difference between
-him who retires the soonest, and him who stays the latest! This is
-seeing life in the best view, and this unwillingness to quit our
-friends is the most amiable motive from which we can derive the fear
-of death; and yet the longest enjoyment which we can hope for of this
-kind is of so trivial a duration, that it is to a wise man truly
-contemptible. Few men, I own, think in this manner; for, indeed, few
-men think of death till they are in its jaws. However gigantic and
-terrible an object this may appear when it approaches them, they are
-nevertheless incapable of seeing it at any distance; nay, though they
-have been ever so much alarmed and frightened when they have
-apprehended themselves in danger of dying, they are no sooner cleared
-from this apprehension than even the fears of it are erased from their
-minds. But, alas! he who escapes from death is not pardoned; he is
-only reprieved, and reprieved to a short day.
-
-"Grieve, therefore, no more, my dear child, on this occasion: an event
-which may happen every hour; which every element, nay, almost every
-particle of matter that surrounds us is capable of producing, and
-which must and will most unavoidably reach us all at last, ought
-neither to occasion our surprize nor our lamentation.
-
-"My physician having acquainted me (which I take very kindly of him)
-that I am in danger of leaving you all very shortly, I have determined
-to say a few words to you at this our parting, before my distemper,
-which I find grows very fast upon me, puts it out of my power.
-
-"But I shall waste my strength too much. I intended to speak
-concerning my will, which, though I have settled long ago, I think
-proper to mention such heads of it as concern any of you, that I may
-have the comfort of perceiving you are all satisfied with the
-provision I have there made for you.
-
-"Nephew Blifil, I leave you the heir to my whole estate, except only
-£500 a-year, which is to revert to you after the death of your mother,
-and except one other estate of £500 a-year, and the sum of £6000,
-which I have bestowed in the following manner:
-
-"The estate of £500 a-year I have given to you, Mr Jones: and as I
-know the inconvenience which attends the want of ready money, I have
-added £1000 in specie. In this I know not whether I have exceeded or
-fallen short of your expectation. Perhaps you will think I have given
-you too little, and the world will be as ready to condemn me for
-giving you too much; but the latter censure I despise; and as to the
-former, unless you should entertain that common error which I have
-often heard in my life pleaded as an excuse for a total want of
-charity, namely, that instead of raising gratitude by voluntary acts
-of bounty, we are apt to raise demands, which of all others are the
-most boundless and most difficult to satisfy.--Pardon me the bare
-mention of this; I will not suspect any such thing."
-
-Jones flung himself at his benefactor's feet, and taking eagerly hold
-of his hand, assured him his goodness to him, both now and all other
-times, had so infinitely exceeded not only his merit but his hopes,
-that no words could express his sense of it. "And I assure you, sir,"
-said he, "your present generosity hath left me no other concern than
-for the present melancholy occasion. Oh, my friend, my father!" Here
-his words choaked him, and he turned away to hide a tear which was
-starting from his eyes.
-
-Allworthy then gently squeezed his hand, and proceeded thus: "I am
-convinced, my child, that you have much goodness, generosity, and
-honour, in your temper: if you will add prudence and religion to
-these, you must be happy; for the three former qualities, I admit,
-make you worthy of happiness, but they are the latter only which will
-put you in possession of it.
-
-"One thousand pound I have given to you, Mr Thwackum; a sum I am
-convinced which greatly exceeds your desires, as well as your wants.
-However, you will receive it as a memorial of my friendship; and
-whatever superfluities may redound to you, that piety which you so
-rigidly maintain will instruct you how to dispose of them.
-
-"A like sum, Mr Square, I have bequeathed to you. This, I hope, will
-enable you to pursue your profession with better success than
-hitherto. I have often observed with concern, that distress is more
-apt to excite contempt than commiseration, especially among men of
-business, with whom poverty is understood to indicate want of ability.
-But the little I have been able to leave you will extricate you from
-those difficulties with which you have formerly struggled; and then I
-doubt not but you will meet with sufficient prosperity to supply what
-a man of your philosophical temper will require.
-
-"I find myself growing faint, so I shall refer you to my will for my
-disposition of the residue. My servants will there find some tokens to
-remember me by; and there are a few charities which, I trust, my
-executors will see faithfully performed. Bless you all. I am setting
-out a little before you."--
-
-Here a footman came hastily into the room, and said there was an
-attorney from Salisbury who had a particular message, which he said he
-must communicate to Mr Allworthy himself: that he seemed in a violent
-hurry, and protested he had so much business to do, that, if he could
-cut himself into four quarters, all would not be sufficient.
-
-"Go, child," said Allworthy to Blifil, "see what the gentleman wants.
-I am not able to do any business now, nor can he have any with me, in
-which you are not at present more concerned than myself. Besides, I
-really am--I am incapable of seeing any one at present, or of any
-longer attention." He then saluted them all, saying, perhaps he should
-be able to see them again, but he should be now glad to compose
-himself a little, finding that he had too much exhausted his spirits
-in discourse.
-
-Some of the company shed tears at their parting; and even the
-philosopher Square wiped his eyes, albeit unused to the melting mood.
-As to Mrs Wilkins, she dropt her pearls as fast as the Arabian trees
-their medicinal gums; for this was a ceremonial which that gentlewoman
-never omitted on a proper occasion.
-
-After this Mr Allworthy again laid himself down on his pillow, and
-endeavoured to compose himself to rest.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Containing matter rather natural than pleasing.
-
-
-Besides grief for her master, there was another source for that briny
-stream which so plentifully rose above the two mountainous cheek-bones
-of the housekeeper. She was no sooner retired, than she began to
-mutter to herself in the following pleasant strain: "Sure master might
-have made some difference, methinks, between me and the other
-servants. I suppose he hath left me mourning; but, i'fackins! if that
-be all, the devil shall wear it for him, for me. I'd have his worship
-know I am no beggar. I have saved five hundred pound in his service,
-and after all to be used in this manner.--It is a fine encouragement
-to servants to be honest; and to be sure, if I have taken a little
-something now and then, others have taken ten times as much; and now
-we are all put in a lump together. If so be that it be so, the legacy
-may go to the devil with him that gave it. No, I won't give it up
-neither, because that will please some folks. No, I'll buy the gayest
-gown I can get, and dance over the old curmudgeon's grave in it. This
-is my reward for taking his part so often, when all the country have
-cried shame of him, for breeding up his bastard in that manner; but he
-is going now where he must pay for all. It would have become him
-better to have repented of his sins on his deathbed, than to glory in
-them, and give away his estate out of his own family to a misbegotten
-child. Found in his bed, forsooth! a pretty story! ay, ay, those that
-hide know where to find. Lord forgive him! I warrant he hath many more
-bastards to answer for, if the truth was known. One comfort is, they
-will all be known where he is a going now.--`The servants will find
-some token to remember me by.' Those were the very words; I shall
-never forget them, if I was to live a thousand years. Ay, ay, I shall
-remember you for huddling me among the servants. One would have
-thought he might have mentioned my name as well as that of Square; but
-he is a gentleman forsooth, though he had not cloths on his back when
-he came hither first. Marry come up with such gentlemen! though he
-hath lived here this many years, I don't believe there is arrow a
-servant in the house ever saw the colour of his money. The devil shall
-wait upon such a gentleman for me." Much more of the like kind she
-muttered to herself; but this taste shall suffice to the reader.
-
-Neither Thwackum nor Square were much better satisfied with their
-legacies. Though they breathed not their resentment so loud, yet from
-the discontent which appeared in their countenances, as well as from
-the following dialogue, we collect that no great pleasure reigned in
-their minds.
-
-About an hour after they had left the sick-room, Square met Thwackum
-in the hall and accosted him thus: "Well, sir, have you heard any news
-of your friend since we parted from him?"--"If you mean Mr Allworthy,"
-answered Thwackum, "I think you might rather give him the appellation
-of your friend; for he seems to me to have deserved that title."--"The
-title is as good on your side," replied Square, "for his bounty, such
-as it is, hath been equal to both."--"I should not have mentioned it
-first," cries Thwackum, "but since you begin, I must inform you I am
-of a different opinion. There is a wide distinction between voluntary
-favours and rewards. The duty I have done in his family, and the care
-I have taken in the education of his two boys, are services for which
-some men might have expected a greater return. I would not have you
-imagine I am therefore dissatisfied; for St Paul hath taught me to
-be content with the little I have. Had the modicum been less, I
-should have known my duty. But though the Scriptures obliges me to
-remain contented, it doth not enjoin me to shut my eyes to my own
-merit, nor restrain me from seeing when I am injured by an unjust
-comparison."--"Since you provoke me," returned Square, "that injury is
-done to me; nor did I ever imagine Mr Allworthy had held my friendship
-so light, as to put me in balance with one who received his wages. I
-know to what it is owing; it proceeds from those narrow principles
-which you have been so long endeavouring to infuse into him, in
-contempt of everything which is great and noble. The beauty and
-loveliness of friendship is too strong for dim eyes, nor can it be
-perceived by any other medium than that unerring rule of right, which
-you have so often endeavoured to ridicule, that you have perverted
-your friend's understanding."--"I wish," cries Thwackum, in a rage, "I
-wish, for the sake of his soul, your damnable doctrines have not
-perverted his faith. It is to this I impute his present behaviour, so
-unbecoming a Christian. Who but an atheist could think of leaving the
-world without having first made up his account? without confessing his
-sins, and receiving that absolution which he knew he had one in the
-house duly authorized to give him? He will feel the want of these
-necessaries when it is too late, when he is arrived at that place
-where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. It is then he will find
-in what mighty stead that heathen goddess, that virtue, which you and
-all other deists of the age adore, will stand him. He will then summon
-his priest, when there is none to be found, and will lament the want
-of that absolution, without which no sinner can be safe."--"If it be
-so material," says Square, "why don't you present it him of your own
-accord?" "It hath no virtue," cries Thwackum, "but to those who have
-sufficient grace to require it. But why do I talk thus to a heathen
-and an unbeliever? It is you that taught him this lesson, for which
-you have been well rewarded in this world, as I doubt not your
-disciple will soon be in the other."--"I know not what you mean by
-reward," said Square; "but if you hint at that pitiful memorial of our
-friendship, which he hath thought fit to bequeath me, I despise it;
-and nothing but the unfortunate situation of my circumstances should
-prevail on me to accept it."
-
-The physician now arrived, and began to inquire of the two disputants,
-how we all did above-stairs? "In a miserable way," answered Thwackum.
-"It is no more than I expected," cries the doctor: "but pray what
-symptoms have appeared since I left you?"--"No good ones, I am
-afraid," replied Thwackum: "after what past at our departure, I think
-there were little hopes." The bodily physician, perhaps, misunderstood
-the curer of souls; and before they came to an explanation, Mr Blifil
-came to them with a most melancholy countenance, and acquainted them
-that he brought sad news, that his mother was dead at Salisbury; that
-she had been seized on the road home with the gout in her head and
-stomach, which had carried her off in a few hours. "Good-lack-a-day!"
-says the doctor. "One cannot answer for events; but I wish I had been
-at hand, to have been called in. The gout is a distemper which it is
-difficult to treat; yet I have been remarkably successful in it."
-Thwackum and Square both condoled with Mr Blifil for the loss of his
-mother, which the one advised him to bear like a man, and the other
-like a Christian. The young gentleman said he knew very well we were
-all mortal, and he would endeavour to submit to his loss as well as he
-could. That he could not, however, help complaining a little against
-the peculiar severity of his fate, which brought the news of so great
-a calamity to him by surprize, and that at a time when he hourly
-expected the severest blow he was capable of feeling from the malice
-of fortune. He said, the present occasion would put to the test those
-excellent rudiments which he had learnt from Mr Thwackum and Mr
-Square; and it would be entirely owing to them, if he was enabled to
-survive such misfortunes.
-
-It was now debated whether Mr Allworthy should be informed of the
-death of his sister. This the doctor violently opposed; in which, I
-believe, the whole college would agree with him: but Mr Blifil said,
-he had received such positive and repeated orders from his uncle,
-never to keep any secret from him for fear of the disquietude which it
-might give him, that he durst not think of disobedience, whatever
-might be the consequence. He said, for his part, considering the
-religious and philosophic temper of his uncle, he could not agree with
-the doctor in his apprehensions. He was therefore resolved to
-communicate it to him: for if his uncle recovered (as he heartily
-prayed he might) he knew he would never forgive an endeavour to keep a
-secret of this kind from him.
-
-The physician was forced to submit to these resolutions, which the two
-other learned gentlemen very highly commended. So together moved Mr
-Blifil and the doctor toward the sick-room; where the physician first
-entered, and approached the bed, in order to feel his patient's pulse,
-which he had no sooner done, than he declared he was much better; that
-the last application had succeeded to a miracle, and had brought the
-fever to intermit: so that, he said, there appeared now to be as
-little danger as he had before apprehended there were hopes.
-
-To say the truth, Mr Allworthy's situation had never been so bad as
-the great caution of the doctor had represented it: but as a wise
-general never despises his enemy, however inferior that enemy's force
-may be, so neither doth a wise physician ever despise a distemper,
-however inconsiderable. As the former preserves the same strict
-discipline, places the same guards, and employs the same scouts,
-though the enemy be never so weak; so the latter maintains the same
-gravity of countenance, and shakes his head with the same significant
-air, let the distemper be never so trifling. And both, among many
-other good ones, may assign this solid reason for their conduct, that
-by these means the greater glory redounds to them if they gain the
-victory, and the less disgrace if by any unlucky accident they should
-happen to be conquered.
-
-Mr Allworthy had no sooner lifted up his eyes, and thanked Heaven for
-these hopes of his recovery, than Mr Blifil drew near, with a very
-dejected aspect, and having applied his handkerchief to his eye,
-either to wipe away his tears, or to do as Ovid somewhere expresses
-himself on another occasion
-
-     _Si nullus erit, tamen excute nullum,_
-
-     If there be none, then wipe away that none,
-
-he communicated to his uncle what the reader hath been just before
-acquainted with.
-
-Allworthy received the news with concern, with patience, and with
-resignation. He dropt a tender tear, then composed his countenance,
-and at last cried, "The Lord's will be done in everything."
-
-He now enquired for the messenger; but Blifil told him it had been
-impossible to detain him a moment; for he appeared by the great hurry
-he was in to have some business of importance on his hands; that he
-complained of being hurried and driven and torn out of his life, and
-repeated many times, that if he could divide himself into four
-quarters, he knew how to dispose of every one.
-
-Allworthy then desired Blifil to take care of the funeral. He said, he
-would have his sister deposited in his own chapel; and as to the
-particulars, he left them to his own discretion, only mentioning the
-person whom he would have employed on this occasion.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Which, among other things, may serve as a comment on that saying of
-Aeschines, that "drunkenness shows the mind of a man, as a mirrour
-reflects his person."
-
-
-The reader may perhaps wonder at hearing nothing of Mr Jones in the
-last chapter. In fact, his behaviour was so different from that of the
-persons there mentioned, that we chose not to confound his name with
-theirs.
-
-When the good man had ended his speech, Jones was the last who
-deserted the room. Thence he retired to his own apartment, to give
-vent to his concern; but the restlessness of his mind would not suffer
-him to remain long there; he slipped softly therefore to Allworthy's
-chamber-door, where he listened a considerable time without hearing
-any kind of motion within, unless a violent snoring, which at last his
-fears misrepresented as groans. This so alarmed him, that he could not
-forbear entering the room; where he found the good man in the bed, in
-a sweet composed sleep, and his nurse snoring in the above mentioned
-hearty manner, at the bed's feet. He immediately took the only method
-of silencing this thorough bass, whose music he feared might disturb
-Mr Allworthy; and then sitting down by the nurse, he remained
-motionless till Blifil and the doctor came in together and waked the
-sick man, in order that the doctor might feel his pulse, and that the
-other might communicate to him that piece of news, which, had Jones
-been apprized of it, would have had great difficulty of finding its
-way to Mr Allworthy's ear at such a season.
-
-When he first heard Blifil tell his uncle this story, Jones could
-hardly contain the wrath which kindled in him at the other's
-indiscretion, especially as the doctor shook his head, and declared
-his unwillingness to have the matter mentioned to his patient. But as
-his passion did not so far deprive him of all use of his
-understanding, as to hide from him the consequences which any violent
-expression towards Blifil might have on the sick, this apprehension
-stilled his rage at the present; and he grew afterwards so satisfied
-with finding that this news had, in fact, produced no mischief, that
-he suffered his anger to die in his own bosom, without ever mentioning
-it to Blifil.
-
-The physician dined that day at Mr Allworthy's; and having after
-dinner visited his patient, he returned to the company, and told them,
-that he had now the satisfaction to say, with assurance, that his
-patient was out of all danger: that he had brought his fever to a
-perfect intermission, and doubted not by throwing in the bark to
-prevent its return.
-
-This account so pleased Jones, and threw him into such immoderate
-excess of rapture, that he might be truly said to be drunk with
-joy--an intoxication which greatly forwards the effects of wine; and
-as he was very free too with the bottle on this occasion (for he drank
-many bumpers to the doctor's health, as well as to other toasts) he
-became very soon literally drunk.
-
-Jones had naturally violent animal spirits: these being set on float
-and augmented by the spirit of wine, produced most extravagant
-effects. He kissed the doctor, and embraced him with the most
-passionate endearments; swearing that next to Mr Allworthy himself, he
-loved him of all men living. "Doctor," added he, "you deserve a statue
-to be erected to you at the public expense, for having preserved a
-man, who is not only the darling of all good men who know him, but a
-blessing to society, the glory of his country, and an honour to human
-nature. D--n me if I don't love him better than my own soul."
-
-"More shame for you," cries Thwackum. "Though I think you have reason
-to love him, for he hath provided very well for you. And perhaps it
-might have been better for some folks that he had not lived to see
-just reason of revoking his gift."
-
-Jones now looking on Thwackum with inconceivable disdain, answered,
-"And doth thy mean soul imagine that any such considerations could
-weigh with me? No, let the earth open and swallow her own dirt (if I
-had millions of acres I would say it) rather than swallow up my dear
-glorious friend."
-
-     _Quis desiderio sit pudor aut modus
-     Tam chari capitis?_[*]
-
-  [*] "What modesty or measure can set bounds to our desire of so dear
-  a friend?" The word _desiderium_ here cannot be easily translated.
-  It includes our desire of enjoying our friend again, and the grief
-  which attends that desire.
-
-The doctor now interposed, and prevented the effects of a wrath which
-was kindling between Jones and Thwackum; after which the former gave a
-loose to mirth, sang two or three amorous songs, and fell into every
-frantic disorder which unbridled joy is apt to inspire; but so far was
-he from any disposition to quarrel, that he was ten times better
-humoured, if possible, than when he was sober.
-
-To say truth, nothing is more erroneous than the common observation,
-that men who are ill-natured and quarrelsome when they are drunk, are
-very worthy persons when they are sober: for drink, in reality, doth
-not reverse nature, or create passions in men which did not exist in
-them before. It takes away the guard of reason, and consequently
-forces us to produce those symptoms, which many, when sober, have art
-enough to conceal. It heightens and inflames our passions (generally
-indeed that passion which is uppermost in our mind), so that the angry
-temper, the amorous, the generous, the good-humoured, the avaricious,
-and all other dispositions of men, are in their cups heightened and
-exposed.
-
-And yet as no nation produces so many drunken quarrels, especially
-among the lower people, as England (for indeed, with them, to drink
-and to fight together are almost synonymous terms), I would not,
-methinks, have it thence concluded, that the English are the
-worst-natured people alive. Perhaps the love of glory only is at the
-bottom of this; so that the fair conclusion seems to be, that our
-countrymen have more of that love, and more of bravery, than any other
-plebeians. And this the rather, as there is seldom anything
-ungenerous, unfair, or ill-natured, exercised on these occasions: nay,
-it is common for the combatants to express good-will for each other
-even at the time of the conflict; and as their drunken mirth generally
-ends in a battle, so do most of their battles end in friendship.
-
-But to return to our history. Though Jones had shown no design of
-giving offence, yet Mr Blifil was highly offended at a behaviour which
-was so inconsistent with the sober and prudent reserve of his own
-temper. He bore it too with the greater impatience, as it appeared to
-him very indecent at this season; "When," as he said, "the house was a
-house of mourning, on the account of his dear mother; and if it had
-pleased Heaven to give him some prospect of Mr Allworthy's recovery,
-it would become them better to express the exultations of their hearts
-in thanksgiving, than in drunkenness and riots; which were properer
-methods to encrease the Divine wrath, than to avert it." Thwackum, who
-had swallowed more liquor than Jones, but without any ill effect on
-his brain, seconded the pious harangue of Blifil; but Square, for
-reasons which the reader may probably guess, was totally silent.
-
-Wine had not so totally overpowered Jones, as to prevent his
-recollecting Mr Blifil's loss, the moment it was mentioned. As no
-person, therefore, was more ready to confess and condemn his own
-errors, he offered to shake Mr Blifil by the hand, and begged his
-pardon, saying, "His excessive joy for Mr Allworthy's recovery had
-driven every other thought out of his mind."
-
-Blifil scornfully rejected his hand; and with much indignation
-answered, "It was little to be wondered at, if tragical spectacles
-made no impression on the blind; but, for his part, he had the
-misfortune to know who his parents were, and consequently must be
-affected with their loss."
-
-Jones, who, notwithstanding his good humour, had some mixture of the
-irascible in his constitution, leaped hastily from his chair, and
-catching hold of Blifil's collar, cried out, "D--n you for a rascal,
-do you insult me with the misfortune of my birth?" He accompanied
-these words with such rough actions, that they soon got the better of
-Mr Blifil's peaceful temper; and a scuffle immediately ensued, which
-might have produced mischief, had it not been prevented by the
-interposition of Thwackum and the physician; for the philosophy of
-Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly
-smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he
-apprehended some danger of having it broke in his mouth.
-
-The combatants being now prevented from executing present vengeance on
-each other, betook themselves to the common resources of disappointed
-rage, and vented their wrath in threats and defiance. In this kind of
-conflict, Fortune, which, in the personal attack, seemed to incline to
-Jones, was now altogether as favourable to his enemy.
-
-A truce, nevertheless, was at length agreed on, by the mediation of
-the neutral parties, and the whole company again sat down at the
-table; where Jones being prevailed on to ask pardon, and Blifil to
-give it, peace was restored, and everything seemed _in statu quo_.
-
-But though the quarrel was, in all appearance, perfectly reconciled,
-the good humour which had been interrupted by it, was by no means
-restored. All merriment was now at an end, and the subsequent
-discourse consisted only of grave relations of matters of fact, and of
-as grave observations upon them; a species of conversation, in which,
-though there is much of dignity and instruction, there is but little
-entertainment. As we presume therefore to convey only this last to the
-reader, we shall pass by whatever was said, till the rest of the
-company having by degrees dropped off, left only Square and the
-physician together; at which time the conversation was a little
-heightened by some comments on what had happened between the two young
-gentlemen; both of whom the doctor declared to be no better than
-scoundrels; to which appellation the philosopher, very sagaciously
-shaking his head, agreed.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-Showing the truth of many observations of Ovid, and of other more
-grave writers, who have proved beyond contradiction, that wine is
-often the forerunner of incontinency.
-
-
-Jones retired from the company, in which we have seen him engaged,
-into the fields, where he intended to cool himself by a walk in the
-open air before he attended Mr Allworthy. There, whilst he renewed
-those meditations on his dear Sophia, which the dangerous illness of
-his friend and benefactor had for some time interrupted, an accident
-happened, which with sorrow we relate, and with sorrow doubtless will
-it be read; however, that historic truth to which we profess so
-inviolable an attachment, obliges us to communicate it to posterity.
-
-It was now a pleasant evening in the latter end of June, when our
-heroe was walking in a most delicious grove, where the gentle breezes
-fanning the leaves, together with the sweet trilling of a murmuring
-stream, and the melodious notes of nightingales, formed altogether the
-most enchanting harmony. In this scene, so sweetly accommodated to
-love, he meditated on his dear Sophia. While his wanton fancy roamed
-unbounded over all her beauties, and his lively imagination painted
-the charming maid in various ravishing forms, his warm heart melted
-with tenderness; and at length, throwing himself on the ground, by the
-side of a gently murmuring brook, he broke forth into the following
-ejaculation:
-
-"O Sophia, would Heaven give thee to my arms, how blest would be my
-condition! Curst be that fortune which sets a distance between us. Was
-I but possessed of thee, one only suit of rags thy whole estate, is
-there a man on earth whom I would envy! How contemptible would the
-brightest Circassian beauty, drest in all the jewels of the Indies,
-appear to my eyes! But why do I mention another woman? Could I think
-my eyes capable of looking at any other with tenderness, these hands
-should tear them from my head. No, my Sophia, if cruel fortune
-separates us for ever, my soul shall doat on thee alone. The chastest
-constancy will I ever preserve to thy image. Though I should never
-have possession of thy charming person, still shalt thou alone have
-possession of my thoughts, my love, my soul. Oh! my fond heart is so
-wrapt in that tender bosom, that the brightest beauties would for me
-have no charms, nor would a hermit be colder in their embraces.
-Sophia, Sophia alone shall be mine. What raptures are in that name! I
-will engrave it on every tree."
-
-At these words he started up, and beheld--not his Sophia--no, nor a
-Circassian maid richly and elegantly attired for the grand Signior's
-seraglio. No; without a gown, in a shift that was somewhat of the
-coarsest, and none of the cleanest, bedewed likewise with some
-odoriferous effluvia, the produce of the day's labour, with a
-pitchfork in her hand, Molly Seagrim approached. Our hero had his
-penknife in his hand, which he had drawn for the before-mentioned
-purpose of carving on the bark; when the girl coming near him, cryed
-out with a smile, "You don't intend to kill me, squire, I hope!"--"Why
-should you think I would kill you?" answered Jones. "Nay," replied
-she, "after your cruel usage of me when I saw you last, killing me
-would, perhaps, be too great kindness for me to expect."
-
-Here ensued a parley, which, as I do not think myself obliged to
-relate it, I shall omit. It is sufficient that it lasted a full
-quarter of an hour, at the conclusion of which they retired into the
-thickest part of the grove.
-
-Some of my readers may be inclined to think this event unnatural.
-However, the fact is true; and perhaps may be sufficiently accounted
-for by suggesting, that Jones probably thought one woman better than
-none, and Molly as probably imagined two men to be better than one.
-Besides the before-mentioned motive assigned to the present behaviour
-of Jones, the reader will be likewise pleased to recollect in his
-favour, that he was not at this time perfect master of that wonderful
-power of reason, which so well enables grave and wise men to subdue
-their unruly passions, and to decline any of these prohibited
-amusements. Wine now had totally subdued this power in Jones. He was,
-indeed, in a condition, in which, if reason had interposed, though
-only to advise, she might have received the answer which one
-Cleostratus gave many years ago to a silly fellow, who asked him, if
-he was not ashamed to be drunk? "Are not you," said Cleostratus,
-"ashamed to admonish a drunken man?"--To say the truth, in a court of
-justice drunkenness must not be an excuse, yet in a court of
-conscience it is greatly so; and therefore Aristotle, who commends the
-laws of Pittacus, by which drunken men received double punishment for
-their crimes, allows there is more of policy than justice in that law.
-Now, if there are any transgressions pardonable from drunkenness, they
-are certainly such as Mr Jones was at present guilty of; on which head
-I could pour forth a vast profusion of learning, if I imagined it
-would either entertain my reader, or teach him anything more than he
-knows already. For his sake therefore I shall keep my learning to
-myself, and return to my history.
-
-It hath been observed, that Fortune seldom doth things by halves. To
-say truth, there is no end to her freaks whenever she is disposed to
-gratify or displease. No sooner had our heroe retired with his Dido,
-but
-
-     _Speluncam_ Blifil _dux et divinus eandem
-     Deveniunt--_
-
-the parson and the young squire, who were taking a serious walk,
-arrived at the stile which leads into the grove, and the latter caught
-a view of the lovers just as they were sinking out of sight.
-
-Blifil knew Jones very well, though he was at above a hundred yards'
-distance, and he was as positive to the sex of his companion, though
-not to the individual person. He started, blessed himself, and uttered
-a very solemn ejaculation.
-
-Thwackum expressed some surprize at these sudden emotions, and asked
-the reason of them. To which Blifil answered, "He was certain he had
-seen a fellow and wench retire together among the bushes, which he
-doubted not was with some wicked purpose." As to the name of Jones, he
-thought proper to conceal it, and why he did so must be left to the
-judgment of the sagacious reader; for we never chuse to assign motives
-to the actions of men, when there is any possibility of our being
-mistaken.
-
-The parson, who was not only strictly chaste in his own person, but a
-great enemy to the opposite vice in all others, fired at this
-information. He desired Mr Blifil to conduct him immediately to the
-place, which as he approached he breathed forth vengeance mixed with
-lamentations; nor did he refrain from casting some oblique reflections
-on Mr Allworthy; insinuating that the wickedness of the country was
-principally owing to the encouragement he had given to vice, by having
-exerted such kindness to a bastard, and by having mitigated that just
-and wholesome rigour of the law which allots a very severe punishment
-to loose wenches.
-
-The way through which our hunters were to pass in pursuit of their
-game was so beset with briars, that it greatly obstructed their walk,
-and caused besides such a rustling, that Jones had sufficient warning
-of their arrival before they could surprize him; nay, indeed, so
-incapable was Thwackum of concealing his indignation, and such
-vengeance did he mutter forth every step he took, that this alone must
-have abundantly satisfied Jones that he was (to use the language of
-sportsmen) found sitting.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-In which a simile in Mr Pope's period of a mile introduces as bloody a
-battle as can possibly be fought without the assistance of steel or
-cold iron.
-
-
-As in the season of _rutting_ (an uncouth phrase, by which the vulgar
-denote that gentle dalliance, which in the well-wooded[*] forest of
-Hampshire, passes between lovers of the ferine kind), if, while the
-lofty-crested stag meditates the amorous sport, a couple of puppies,
-or any other beasts of hostile note, should wander so near the temple
-of Venus Ferina that the fair hind should shrink from the place,
-touched with that somewhat, either of fear or frolic, of nicety or
-skittishness, with which nature hath bedecked all females, or hath at
-least instructed them how to put it on; lest, through the indelicacy
-of males, the Samean mysteries should be pryed into by unhallowed
-eyes: for, at the celebration of these rites, the female priestess
-cries out with her in Virgil (who was then, probably, hard at work on
-such celebration),
-
-      _--Procul, o procul este, profani;
-      Proclamat vates, totoque absistite luco._
-
-      --Far hence be souls profane,
-      The sibyl cry'd, and from the grove abstain.--DRYDEN.
-
-  [*] This is an ambiguous phrase, and may mean either a forest well
-  cloathed with wood, or well stript of it.
-
-If, I say, while these sacred rites, which are in common to _genus
-omne animantium,_ are in agitation between the stag and his mistress,
-any hostile beasts should venture too near, on the first hint given by
-the frighted hind, fierce and tremendous rushes forth the stag to the
-entrance of the thicket; there stands he centinel over his love,
-stamps the ground with his foot, and with his horns brandished aloft
-in air, proudly provokes the apprehended foe to combat.
-
-Thus, and more terrible, when he perceived the enemy's approach,
-leaped forth our heroe. Many a step advanced he forwards, in order to
-conceal the trembling hind, and, if possible, to secure her retreat.
-And now Thwackum, having first darted some livid lightning from his
-fiery eyes, began to thunder forth, "Fie upon it! Fie upon it! Mr
-Jones. Is it possible you should be the person?"--"You see," answered
-Jones, "it is possible I should be here."--"And who," said Thwackum,
-"is that wicked slut with you?"--"If I have any wicked slut with me,"
-cries Jones, "it is possible I shall not let you know who she is."--"I
-command you to tell me immediately," says Thwackum: "and I would not
-have you imagine, young man, that your age, though it hath somewhat
-abridged the purpose of tuition, hath totally taken away the authority
-of the master. The relation of the master and scholar is indelible;
-as, indeed, all other relations are; for they all derive their
-original from heaven. I would have you think yourself, therefore, as
-much obliged to obey me now, as when I taught you your first
-rudiments."--"I believe you would," cries Jones; "but that will not
-happen, unless you had the same birchen argument to convince
-me."--"Then I must tell you plainly," said Thwackum, "I am resolved to
-discover the wicked wretch."--"And I must tell you plainly," returned
-Jones, "I am resolved you shall not." Thwackum then offered to
-advance, and Jones laid hold of his arms; which Mr Blifil endeavoured
-to rescue, declaring, "he would not see his old master insulted."
-
-Jones now finding himself engaged with two, thought it necessary to
-rid himself of one of his antagonists as soon as possible. He
-therefore applied to the weakest first; and, letting the parson go, he
-directed a blow at the young squire's breast, which luckily taking
-place, reduced him to measure his length on the ground.
-
-Thwackum was so intent on the discovery, that, the moment he found
-himself at liberty, he stept forward directly into the fern, without
-any great consideration of what might in the meantime befal his
-friend; but he had advanced a very few paces into the thicket, before
-Jones, having defeated Blifil, overtook the parson, and dragged him
-backward by the skirt of his coat.
-
-This parson had been a champion in his youth, and had won much honour
-by his fist, both at school and at the university. He had now indeed,
-for a great number of years, declined the practice of that noble art;
-yet was his courage full as strong as his faith, and his body no less
-strong than either. He was moreover, as the reader may perhaps have
-conceived, somewhat irascible in his nature. When he looked back,
-therefore, and saw his friend stretched out on the ground, and found
-himself at the same time so roughly handled by one who had formerly
-been only passive in all conflicts between them (a circumstance which
-highly aggravated the whole), his patience at length gave way; he
-threw himself into a posture of offence; and collecting all his force,
-attacked Jones in the front with as much impetuosity as he had
-formerly attacked him in the rear.
-
-Our heroe received the enemy's attack with the most undaunted
-intrepidity, and his bosom resounded with the blow. This he presently
-returned with no less violence, aiming likewise at the parson's
-breast; but he dexterously drove down the fist of Jones, so that it
-reached only his belly, where two pounds of beef and as many of
-pudding were then deposited, and whence consequently no hollow sound
-could proceed. Many lusty blows, much more pleasant as well as easy to
-have seen, than to read or describe, were given on both sides: at last
-a violent fall, in which Jones had thrown his knees into Thwackum's
-breast, so weakened the latter, that victory had been no longer
-dubious, had not Blifil, who had now recovered his strength, again
-renewed the fight, and by engaging with Jones, given the parson a
-moment's time to shake his ears, and to regain his breath.
-
-And now both together attacked our heroe, whose blows did not retain
-that force with which they had fallen at first, so weakened was he by
-his combat with Thwackum; for though the pedagogue chose rather to
-play _solos_ on the human instrument, and had been lately used to
-those only, yet he still retained enough of his antient knowledge to
-perform his part very well in a _duet_.
-
-The victory, according to modern custom, was like to be decided by
-numbers, when, on a sudden, a fourth pair of fists appeared in the
-battle, and immediately paid their compliments to the parson; and the
-owner of them at the same time crying out, "Are not you ashamed, and
-be d--n'd to you, to fall two of you upon one?"
-
-The battle, which was of the kind that for distinction's sake is
-called royal, now raged with the utmost violence during a few minutes;
-till Blifil being a second time laid sprawling by Jones, Thwackum
-condescended to apply for quarter to his new antagonist, who was now
-found to be Mr Western himself; for in the heat of the action none of
-the combatants had recognized him.
-
-In fact, that honest squire, happening, in his afternoon's walk with
-some company, to pass through the field where the bloody battle was
-fought, and having concluded, from seeing three men engaged, that two
-of them must be on a side, he hastened from his companions, and with
-more gallantry than policy, espoused the cause of the weaker party. By
-which generous proceeding he very probably prevented Mr Jones from
-becoming a victim to the wrath of Thwackum, and to the pious
-friendship which Blifil bore his old master; for, besides the
-disadvantage of such odds, Jones had not yet sufficiently recovered
-the former strength of his broken arm. This reinforcement, however,
-soon put an end to the action, and Jones with his ally obtained the
-victory.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-In which is seen a more moving spectacle than all the blood in the
-bodies of Thwackum and Blifil, and of twenty other such, is capable of
-producing.
-
-
-The rest of Mr Western's company were now come up, being just at the
-instant when the action was over. These were the honest clergyman,
-whom we have formerly seen at Mr Western's table; Mrs Western, the
-aunt of Sophia; and lastly, the lovely Sophia herself.
-
-At this time, the following was the aspect of the bloody field. In one
-place lay on the ground, all pale, and almost breathless, the
-vanquished Blifil. Near him stood the conqueror Jones, almost covered
-with blood, part of which was naturally his own, and part had been
-lately the property of the Reverend Mr Thwackum. In a third place
-stood the said Thwackum, like King Porus, sullenly submitting to the
-conqueror. The last figure in the piece was Western the Great, most
-gloriously forbearing the vanquished foe.
-
-Blifil, in whom there was little sign of life, was at first the
-principal object of the concern of every one, and particularly of Mrs
-Western, who had drawn from her pocket a bottle of hartshorn, and was
-herself about to apply it to his nostrils, when on a sudden the
-attention of the whole company was diverted from poor Blifil, whose
-spirit, if it had any such design, might have now taken an opportunity
-of stealing off to the other world, without any ceremony.
-
-For now a more melancholy and a more lovely object lay motionless
-before them. This was no other than the charming Sophia herself, who,
-from the sight of blood, or from fear for her father, or from some
-other reason, had fallen down in a swoon, before any one could get to
-her assistance.
-
-Mrs Western first saw her and screamed. Immediately two or three
-voices cried out, "Miss Western is dead." Hartshorn, water, every
-remedy was called for, almost at one and the same instant.
-
-The reader may remember, that in our description of this grove we
-mentioned a murmuring brook, which brook did not come there, as such
-gentle streams flow through vulgar romances, with no other purpose
-than to murmur. No! Fortune had decreed to ennoble this little brook
-with a higher honour than any of those which wash the plains of
-Arcadia ever deserved.
-
-Jones was rubbing Blifil's temples, for he began to fear he had given
-him a blow too much, when the words, Miss Western and Dead, rushed at
-once on his ear. He started up, left Blifil to his fate, and flew to
-Sophia, whom, while all the rest were running against each other,
-backward and forward, looking for water in the dry paths, he caught up
-in his arms, and then ran away with her over the field to the rivulet
-above mentioned; where, plunging himself into the water, he contrived
-to besprinkle her face, head, and neck very plentifully.
-
-Happy was it for Sophia that the same confusion which prevented her
-other friends from serving her, prevented them likewise from
-obstructing Jones. He had carried her half ways before they knew what
-he was doing, and he had actually restored her to life before they
-reached the waterside. She stretched out her arms, opened her eyes,
-and cried, "Oh! heavens!" just as her father, aunt, and the parson
-came up.
-
-Jones, who had hitherto held this lovely burthen in his arms, now
-relinquished his hold; but gave her at the same instant a tender
-caress, which, had her senses been then perfectly restored, could not
-have escaped her observation. As she expressed, therefore, no
-displeasure at this freedom, we suppose she was not sufficiently
-recovered from her swoon at the time.
-
-This tragical scene was now converted into a sudden scene of joy. In
-this our heroe was certainly the principal character; for as he
-probably felt more ecstatic delight in having saved Sophia than she
-herself received from being saved, so neither were the congratulations
-paid to her equal to what were conferred on Jones, especially by Mr
-Western himself, who, after having once or twice embraced his
-daughter, fell to hugging and kissing Jones. He called him the
-preserver of Sophia, and declared there was nothing, except her, or
-his estate, which he would not give him; but upon recollection, he
-afterwards excepted his fox-hounds, the Chevalier, and Miss Slouch
-(for so he called his favourite mare).
-
-All fears for Sophia being now removed, Jones became the object of the
-squire's consideration.--"Come, my lad," says Western, "d'off thy
-quoat and wash thy feace; for att in a devilish pickle, I promise
-thee. Come, come, wash thyself, and shat go huome with me; and we'l
-zee to vind thee another quoat."
-
-Jones immediately complied, threw off his coat, went down to the
-water, and washed both his face and bosom; for the latter was as much
-exposed and as bloody as the former. But though the water could clear
-off the blood, it could not remove the black and blue marks which
-Thwackum had imprinted on both his face and breast, and which, being
-discerned by Sophia, drew from her a sigh and a look full of
-inexpressible tenderness.
-
-Jones received this full in his eyes, and it had infinitely a stronger
-effect on him than all the contusions which he had received before. An
-effect, however, widely different; for so soft and balmy was it, that,
-had all his former blows been stabs, it would for some minutes have
-prevented his feeling their smart.
-
-The company now moved backwards, and soon arrived where Thwackum had
-got Mr Blifil again on his legs. Here we cannot suppress a pious wish,
-that all quarrels were to be decided by those weapons only with which
-Nature, knowing what is proper for us, hath supplied us; and that cold
-iron was to be used in digging no bowels but those of the earth. Then
-would war, the pastime of monarchs, be almost inoffensive, and battles
-between great armies might be fought at the particular desire of
-several ladies of quality; who, together with the kings themselves,
-might be actual spectators of the conflict. Then might the field be
-this moment well strewed with human carcasses, and the next, the dead
-men, or infinitely the greatest part of them, might get up, like Mr
-Bayes's troops, and march off either at the sound of a drum or fiddle,
-as should be previously agreed on.
-
-I would avoid, if possible, treating this matter ludicrously, lest
-grave men and politicians, whom I know to be offended at a jest, may
-cry pish at it; but, in reality, might not a battle be as well decided
-by the greater number of broken heads, bloody noses, and black eyes,
-as by the greater heaps of mangled and murdered human bodies? Might
-not towns be contended for in the same manner? Indeed, this may be
-thought too detrimental a scheme to the French interest, since they
-would thus lose the advantage they have over other nations in the
-superiority of their engineers; but when I consider the gallantry and
-generosity of that people, I am persuaded they would never decline
-putting themselves upon a par with their adversary; or, as the phrase
-is, making themselves his match.
-
-But such reformations are rather to be wished than hoped for: I shall
-content myself, therefore, with this short hint, and return to my
-narrative.
-
-Western began now to inquire into the original rise of this quarrel.
-To which neither Blifil nor Jones gave any answer; but Thwackum said
-surlily, "I believe the cause is not far off; if you beat the bushes
-well you may find her."--"Find her?" replied Western: "what! have you
-been fighting for a wench?"--"Ask the gentleman in his waistcoat
-there," said Thwackum: "he best knows." "Nay then," cries Western, "it
-is a wench certainly.--Ah, Tom, Tom, thou art a liquorish dog. But
-come, gentlemen, be all friends, and go home with me, and make final
-peace over a bottle." "I ask your pardon, sir," says Thwackum: "it is
-no such slight matter for a man of my character to be thus injuriously
-treated, and buffeted by a boy, only because I would have done my
-duty, in endeavouring to detect and bring to justice a wanton harlot;
-but, indeed, the principal fault lies in Mr Allworthy and yourself;
-for if you put the laws in execution, as you ought to do, you will
-soon rid the country of these vermin."
-
-"I would as soon rid the country of foxes," cries Western. "I think we
-ought to encourage the recruiting those numbers which we are every day
-losing in the war.--But where is she? Prithee, Tom, show me." He then
-began to beat about, in the same language and in the same manner as if
-he had been beating for a hare; and at last cried out, "Soho! Puss is
-not far off. Here's her form, upon my soul; I believe I may cry stole
-away." And indeed so he might; for he had now discovered the place
-whence the poor girl had, at the beginning of the fray, stolen away,
-upon as many feet as a hare generally uses in travelling.
-
-Sophia now desired her father to return home; saying she found herself
-very faint, and apprehended a relapse. The squire immediately complied
-with his daughter's request (for he was the fondest of parents). He
-earnestly endeavoured to prevail with the whole company to go and sup
-with him: but Blifil and Thwackum absolutely refused; the former
-saying, there were more reasons than he could then mention, why he
-must decline this honour; and the latter declaring (perhaps rightly)
-that it was not proper for a person of his function to be seen at any
-place in his present condition.
-
-Jones was incapable of refusing the pleasure of being with his Sophia;
-so on he marched with Squire Western and his ladies, the parson
-bringing up the rear. This had, indeed, offered to tarry with his
-brother Thwackum, professing his regard for the cloth would not permit
-him to depart; but Thwackum would not accept the favour, and, with no
-great civility, pushed him after Mr Western.
-
-Thus ended this bloody fray; and thus shall end the fifth book of this
-history.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK VI.
-
-CONTAINING ABOUT THREE WEEKS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Of love.
-
-
-In our last book we have been obliged to deal pretty much with the
-passion of love; and in our succeeding book shall be forced to handle
-this subject still more largely. It may not therefore in this place be
-improper to apply ourselves to the examination of that modern
-doctrine, by which certain philosophers, among many other wonderful
-discoveries, pretend to have found out, that there is no such passion
-in the human breast.
-
-Whether these philosophers be the same with that surprising sect, who
-are honourably mentioned by the late Dr Swift, as having, by the mere
-force of genius alone, without the least assistance of any kind of
-learning, or even reading, discovered that profound and invaluable
-secret that there is no God; or whether they are not rather the same
-with those who some years since very much alarmed the world, by
-showing that there were no such things as virtue or goodness really
-existing in human nature, and who deduced our best actions from pride,
-I will not here presume to determine. In reality, I am inclined to
-suspect, that all these several finders of truth, are the very
-identical men who are by others called the finders of gold. The method
-used in both these searches after truth and after gold, being indeed
-one and the same, viz., the searching, rummaging, and examining into a
-nasty place; indeed, in the former instances, into the nastiest of all
-places, A BAD MIND.
-
-But though in this particular, and perhaps in their success, the
-truth-finder and the gold-finder may very properly be compared
-together; yet in modesty, surely, there can be no comparison between
-the two; for who ever heard of a gold-finder that had the impudence or
-folly to assert, from the ill success of his search, that there was no
-such thing as gold in the world? whereas the truth-finder, having
-raked out that jakes, his own mind, and being there capable of tracing
-no ray of divinity, nor anything virtuous or good, or lovely, or
-loving, very fairly, honestly, and logically concludes that no such
-things exist in the whole creation.
-
-To avoid, however, all contention, if possible, with these
-philosophers, if they will be called so; and to show our own
-disposition to accommodate matters peaceably between us, we shall here
-make them some concessions, which may possibly put an end to the
-dispute.
-
-First, we will grant that many minds, and perhaps those of the
-philosophers, are entirely free from the least traces of such a
-passion.
-
-Secondly, that what is commonly called love, namely, the desire of
-satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate
-white human flesh, is by no means that passion for which I here
-contend. This is indeed more properly hunger; and as no glutton is
-ashamed to apply the word love to his appetite, and to say he LOVES
-such and such dishes; so may the lover of this kind, with equal
-propriety, say, he HUNGERS after such and such women.
-
-Thirdly, I will grant, which I believe will be a most acceptable
-concession, that this love for which I am an advocate, though it
-satisfies itself in a much more delicate manner, doth nevertheless
-seek its own satisfaction as much as the grossest of all our
-appetites.
-
-And, lastly, that this love, when it operates towards one of a
-different sex, is very apt, towards its complete gratification, to
-call in the aid of that hunger which I have mentioned above; and which
-it is so far from abating, that it heightens all its delights to a
-degree scarce imaginable by those who have never been susceptible of
-any other emotions than what have proceeded from appetite alone.
-
-In return to all these concessions, I desire of the philosophers to
-grant, that there is in some (I believe in many) human breasts a kind
-and benevolent disposition, which is gratified by contributing to the
-happiness of others. That in this gratification alone, as in
-friendship, in parental and filial affection, as indeed in general
-philanthropy, there is a great and exquisite delight. That if we will
-not call such disposition love, we have no name for it. That though
-the pleasures arising from such pure love may be heightened and
-sweetened by the assistance of amorous desires, yet the former can
-subsist alone, nor are they destroyed by the intervention of the
-latter. Lastly, that esteem and gratitude are the proper motives to
-love, as youth and beauty are to desire, and, therefore, though such
-desire may naturally cease, when age or sickness overtakes its object;
-yet these can have no effect on love, nor ever shake or remove, from a
-good mind, that sensation or passion which hath gratitude and esteem
-for its basis.
-
-To deny the existence of a passion of which we often see manifest
-instances, seems to be very strange and absurd; and can indeed proceed
-only from that self-admonition which we have mentioned above: but how
-unfair is this! Doth the man who recognizes in his own heart no traces
-of avarice or ambition, conclude, therefore, that there are no such
-passions in human nature? Why will we not modestly observe the same
-rule in judging of the good, as well as the evil of others? Or why, in
-any case, will we, as Shakespear phrases it, "put the world in our own
-person?"
-
-Predominant vanity is, I am afraid, too much concerned here. This is
-one instance of that adulation which we bestow on our own minds, and
-this almost universally. For there is scarce any man, how much soever
-he may despise the character of a flatterer, but will condescend in
-the meanest manner to flatter himself.
-
-To those therefore I apply for the truth of the above observations,
-whose own minds can bear testimony to what I have advanced.
-
-Examine your heart, my good reader, and resolve whether you do believe
-these matters with me. If you do, you may now proceed to their
-exemplification in the following pages: if you do not, you have, I
-assure you, already read more than you have understood; and it would
-be wiser to pursue your business, or your pleasures (such as they
-are), than to throw away any more of your time in reading what you can
-neither taste nor comprehend. To treat of the effects of love to you,
-must be as absurd as to discourse on colours to a man born blind;
-since possibly your idea of love may be as absurd as that which we are
-told such blind man once entertained of the colour scarlet; that
-colour seemed to him to be very much like the sound of a trumpet: and
-love probably may, in your opinion, very greatly resemble a dish of
-soup, or a surloin of roast-beef.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and knowledge of the
-world, and an instance of the deep penetration which she derived from
-those advantages.
-
-
-The reader hath seen Mr Western, his sister, and daughter, with young
-Jones, and the parson, going together to Mr Western's house, where the
-greater part of the company spent the evening with much joy and
-festivity. Sophia was indeed the only grave person; for as to Jones,
-though love had now gotten entire possession of his heart, yet the
-pleasing reflection on Mr Allworthy's recovery, and the presence of
-his mistress, joined to some tender looks which she now and then could
-not refrain from giving him, so elevated our heroe, that he joined the
-mirth of the other three, who were perhaps as good-humoured people as
-any in the world.
-
-Sophia retained the same gravity of countenance the next morning at
-breakfast; whence she retired likewise earlier than usual, leaving her
-father and aunt together. The squire took no notice of this change in
-his daughter's disposition. To say the truth, though he was somewhat
-of a politician, and had been twice a candidate in the country
-interest at an election, he was a man of no great observation. His
-sister was a lady of a different turn. She had lived about the court,
-and had seen the world. Hence she had acquired all that knowledge
-which the said world usually communicates; and was a perfect mistress
-of manners, customs, ceremonies, and fashions. Nor did her erudition
-stop here. She had considerably improved her mind by study; she had
-not only read all the modern plays, operas, oratorios, poems, and
-romances--in all which she was a critic; but had gone through Rapin's
-History of England, Eachard's Roman History, and many French _Mémoires
-pour servir à l'Histoire_: to these she had added most of the
-political pamphlets and journals published within the last twenty
-years. From which she had attained a very competent skill in politics,
-and could discourse very learnedly on the affairs of Europe. She was,
-moreover, excellently well skilled in the doctrine of amour, and knew
-better than anybody who and who were together; a knowledge which she
-the more easily attained, as her pursuit of it was never diverted by
-any affairs of her own; for either she had no inclinations, or they
-had never been solicited; which last is indeed very probable; for her
-masculine person, which was near six foot high, added to her manner
-and learning, possibly prevented the other sex from regarding her,
-notwithstanding her petticoats, in the light of a woman. However, as
-she had considered the matter scientifically, she perfectly well knew,
-though she had never practised them, all the arts which fine ladies
-use when they desire to give encouragement, or to conceal liking, with
-all the long appendage of smiles, ogles, glances, &c., as they are at
-present practised in the beau-monde. To sum the whole, no species of
-disguise or affectation had escaped her notice; but as to the plain
-simple workings of honest nature, as she had never seen any such, she
-could know but little of them.
-
-By means of this wonderful sagacity, Mrs Western had now, as she
-thought, made a discovery of something in the mind of Sophia. The
-first hint of this she took from the behaviour of the young lady in
-the field of battle; and the suspicion which she then conceived, was
-greatly corroborated by some observations which she had made that
-evening and the next morning. However, being greatly cautious to avoid
-being found in a mistake, she carried the secret a whole fortnight in
-her bosom, giving only some oblique hints, by simpering, winks, nods,
-and now and then dropping an obscure word, which indeed sufficiently
-alarmed Sophia, but did not at all affect her brother.
-
-Being at length, however, thoroughly satisfied of the truth of her
-observation, she took an opportunity, one morning, when she was alone
-with her brother, to interrupt one of his whistles in the following
-manner:--
-
-"Pray, brother, have you not observed something very extraordinary in my
-niece lately?"--"No, not I," answered Western; "is anything the matter
-with the girl?"--"I think there is," replied she; "and something of
-much consequence too."--"Why, she doth not complain of anything,"
-cries Western; "and she hath had the small-pox."--"Brother," returned
-she, "girls are liable to other distempers besides the small-pox, and
-sometimes possibly to much worse." Here Western interrupted her with
-much earnestness, and begged her, if anything ailed his daughter, to
-acquaint him immediately; adding, "she knew he loved her more than his
-own soul, and that he would send to the world's end for the best
-physician to her." "Nay, nay," answered she, smiling, "the distemper
-is not so terrible; but I believe, brother, you are convinced I know
-the world, and I promise you I was never more deceived in my life, if
-my niece be not most desperately in love."--"How! in love!" cries
-Western, in a passion; "in love, without acquainting me! I'll
-disinherit her; I'll turn her out of doors, stark naked, without a
-farthing. Is all my kindness vor 'ur, and vondness o'ur come to this,
-to fall in love without asking me leave?"--"But you will not,"
-answered Mrs Western, "turn this daughter, whom you love better than
-your own soul, out of doors, before you know whether you shall approve
-her choice. Suppose she should have fixed on the very person whom you
-yourself would wish, I hope you would not be angry then?"--"No, no,"
-cries Western, "that would make a difference. If she marries the man I
-would ha' her, she may love whom she pleases, I shan't trouble my head
-about that." "That is spoken," answered the sister, "like a sensible
-man; but I believe the very person she hath chosen would be the very
-person you would choose for her. I will disclaim all knowledge of the
-world, if it is not so; and I believe, brother, you will allow I have
-some."--"Why, lookee, sister," said Western, "I do believe you have as
-much as any woman; and to be sure those are women's matters. You know
-I don't love to hear you talk about politics; they belong to us, and
-petticoats should not meddle: but come, who is the man?"--"Marry!"
-said she, "you may find him out yourself if you please. You, who are
-so great a politician, can be at no great loss. The judgment which can
-penetrate into the cabinets of princes, and discover the secret
-springs which move the great state wheels in all the political
-machines of Europe, must surely, with very little difficulty, find out
-what passes in the rude uninformed mind of a girl."--"Sister," cries
-the squire, "I have often warn'd you not to talk the court gibberish
-to me. I tell you, I don't understand the lingo: but I can read a
-journal, or the _London Evening Post._ Perhaps, indeed, there may be
-now and tan a verse which I can't make much of, because half the
-letters are left out; yet I know very well what is meant by that, and
-that our affairs don't go so well as they should do, because of
-bribery and corruption."--"I pity your country ignorance from my
-heart," cries the lady.--"Do you?" answered Western; "and I pity your
-town learning; I had rather be anything than a courtier, and a
-Presbyterian, and a Hanoverian too, as some people, I believe,
-are."--"If you mean me," answered she, "you know I am a woman,
-brother; and it signifies nothing what I am. Besides--"--"I do know
-you are a woman," cries the squire, "and it's well for thee that art
-one; if hadst been a man, I promise thee I had lent thee a flick long
-ago."--"Ay, there," said she, "in that flick lies all your fancied
-superiority. Your bodies, and not your brains, are stronger than ours.
-Believe me, it is well for you that you are able to beat us; or, such
-is the superiority of our understanding, we should make all of you
-what the brave, and wise, and witty, and polite are already--our
-slaves."--"I am glad I know your mind," answered the squire. "But
-we'll talk more of this matter another time. At present, do tell me
-what man is it you mean about my daughter?"--"Hold a moment," said
-she, "while I digest that sovereign contempt I have for your sex; or
-else I ought to be angry too with you. There--I have made a shift to
-gulp it down. And now, good politic sir, what think you of Mr Blifil?
-Did she not faint away on seeing him lie breathless on the ground? Did
-she not, after he was recovered, turn pale again the moment we came up
-to that part of the field where he stood? And pray what else should be
-the occasion of all her melancholy that night at supper, the next
-morning, and indeed ever since?"--"'Fore George!" cries the squire,
-"now you mind me on't, I remember it all. It is certainly so, and I am
-glad on't with all my heart. I knew Sophy was a good girl, and would
-not fall in love to make me angry. I was never more rejoiced in my
-life; for nothing can lie so handy together as our two estates. I had
-this matter in my head some time ago: for certainly the two estates
-are in a manner joined together in matrimony already, and it would be
-a thousand pities to part them. It is true, indeed, there be larger
-estates in the kingdom, but not in this county, and I had rather bate
-something, than marry my daughter among strangers and foreigners.
-Besides, most o' zuch great estates be in the hands of lords, and I
-heate the very name of _themmun_. Well but, sister, what would you
-advise me to do; for I tell you women know these matters better than
-we do?"--"Oh, your humble servant, sir," answered the lady: "we are
-obliged to you for allowing us a capacity in anything. Since you are
-pleased, then, most politic sir, to ask my advice, I think you may
-propose the match to Allworthy yourself. There is no indecorum in the
-proposal's coming from the parent of either side. King Alcinous, in Mr
-Pope's Odyssey, offers his daughter to Ulysses. I need not caution so
-politic a person not to say that your daughter is in love; that would
-indeed be against all rules."--"Well," said the squire, "I will
-propose it; but I shall certainly lend un a flick, if he should refuse
-me." "Fear not," cries Mrs Western; "the match is too advantageous to
-be refused." "I don't know that," answered the squire: "Allworthy is a
-queer b--ch, and money hath no effect o'un." "Brother," said the lady,
-"your politics astonish me. Are you really to be imposed on by
-professions? Do you think Mr Allworthy hath more contempt for money
-than other men because he professes more? Such credulity would better
-become one of us weak women, than that wise sex which heaven hath
-formed for politicians. Indeed, brother, you would make a fine plenipo
-to negotiate with the French. They would soon persuade you, that they
-take towns out of mere defensive principles." "Sister," answered the
-squire, with much scorn, "let your friends at court answer for the
-towns taken; as you are a woman, I shall lay no blame upon you; for I
-suppose they are wiser than to trust women with secrets." He
-accompanied this with so sarcastical a laugh, that Mrs Western could
-bear no longer. She had been all this time fretted in a tender part
-(for she was indeed very deeply skilled in these matters, and very
-violent in them), and therefore, burst forth in a rage, declared her
-brother to be both a clown and a blockhead, and that she would stay no
-longer in his house.
-
-The squire, though perhaps he had never read Machiavel, was, however,
-in many points, a perfect politician. He strongly held all those wise
-tenets, which are so well inculcated in that Politico-Peripatetic
-school of Exchange-alley. He knew the just value and only use of
-money, viz., to lay it up. He was likewise well skilled in the exact
-value of reversions, expectations, &c., and had often considered the
-amount of his sister's fortune, and the chance which he or his
-posterity had of inheriting it. This he was infinitely too wise to
-sacrifice to a trifling resentment. When he found, therefore, he had
-carried matters too far, he began to think of reconciling them; which
-was no very difficult task, as the lady had great affection for her
-brother, and still greater for her niece; and though too susceptible
-of an affront offered to her skill in politics, on which she much
-valued herself, was a woman of a very extraordinary good and sweet
-disposition.
-
-Having first, therefore, laid violent hands on the horses, for whose
-escape from the stable no place but the window was left open, he next
-applied himself to his sister; softened and soothed her, by unsaying
-all he had said, and by assertions directly contrary to those which
-had incensed her. Lastly, he summoned the eloquence of Sophia to his
-assistance, who, besides a most graceful and winning address, had the
-advantage of being heard with great favour and partiality by her aunt.
-
-The result of the whole was a kind smile from Mrs Western, who said,
-"Brother, you are absolutely a perfect Croat; but as those have their
-use in the army of the empress queen, so you likewise have some good
-in you. I will therefore once more sign a treaty of peace with you,
-and see that you do not infringe it on your side; at least, as you are
-so excellent a politician, I may expect you will keep your leagues,
-like the French, till your interest calls upon you to break them."
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Containing two defiances to the critics.
-
-
-The squire having settled matters with his sister, as we have seen in
-the last chapter, was so greatly impatient to communicate the proposal
-to Allworthy, that Mrs Western had the utmost difficulty to prevent
-him from visiting that gentleman in his sickness, for this purpose.
-
-Mr Allworthy had been engaged to dine with Mr Western at the time when
-he was taken ill. He was therefore no sooner discharged out of the
-custody of physic, but he thought (as was usual with him on all
-occasions, both the highest and the lowest) of fulfilling his
-engagement.
-
-In the interval between the time of the dialogue in the last chapter,
-and this day of public entertainment, Sophia had, from certain obscure
-hints thrown out by her aunt, collected some apprehension that the
-sagacious lady suspected her passion for Jones. She now resolved to
-take this opportunity of wiping out all such suspicion, and for that
-purpose to put an entire constraint on her behaviour.
-
-First, she endeavoured to conceal a throbbing melancholy heart with
-the utmost sprightliness in her countenance, and the highest gaiety in
-her manner. Secondly, she addressed her whole discourse to Mr Blifil,
-and took not the least notice of poor Jones the whole day.
-
-The squire was so delighted with this conduct of his daughter, that he
-scarce eat any dinner, and spent almost his whole time in watching
-opportunities of conveying signs of his approbation by winks and nods
-to his sister; who was not at first altogether so pleased with what
-she saw as was her brother.
-
-In short, Sophia so greatly overacted her part, that her aunt was at
-first staggered, and began to suspect some affectation in her niece;
-but as she was herself a woman of great art, so she soon attributed
-this to extreme art in Sophia. She remembered the many hints she had
-given her niece concerning her being in love, and imagined the young
-lady had taken this way to rally her out of her opinion, by an
-overacted civility: a notion that was greatly corroborated by the
-excessive gaiety with which the whole was accompanied. We cannot here
-avoid remarking, that this conjecture would have been better founded
-had Sophia lived ten years in the air of Grosvenor Square, where young
-ladies do learn a wonderful knack of rallying and playing with that
-passion, which is a mighty serious thing in woods and groves an
-hundred miles distant from London.
-
-To say the truth, in discovering the deceit of others, it matters much
-that our own art be wound up, if I may use the expression, in the same
-key with theirs: for very artful men sometimes miscarry by fancying
-others wiser, or, in other words, greater knaves, than they really
-are. As this observation is pretty deep, I will illustrate it by the
-following short story. Three countrymen were pursuing a Wiltshire
-thief through Brentford. The simplest of them seeing "The Wiltshire
-House," written under a sign, advised his companions to enter it, for
-there most probably they would find their countryman. The second, who
-was wiser, laughed at this simplicity; but the third, who was wiser
-still, answered, "Let us go in, however, for he may think we should
-not suspect him of going amongst his own countrymen." They accordingly
-went in and searched the house, and by that means missed overtaking
-the thief, who was at that time but a little way before them; and who,
-as they all knew, but had never once reflected, could not read.
-
-The reader will pardon a digression in which so invaluable a secret is
-communicated, since every gamester will agree how necessary it is to
-know exactly the play of another, in order to countermine him. This
-will, moreover, afford a reason why the wiser man, as is often seen,
-is the bubble of the weaker, and why many simple and innocent
-characters are so generally misunderstood and misrepresented; but what
-is most material, this will account for the deceit which Sophia put on
-her politic aunt.
-
-Dinner being ended, and the company retired into the garden, Mr
-Western, who was thoroughly convinced of the certainty of what his
-sister had told him, took Mr Allworthy aside, and very bluntly
-proposed a match between Sophia and young Mr Blifil.
-
-Mr Allworthy was not one of those men whose hearts flutter at any
-unexpected and sudden tidings of worldly profit. His mind was, indeed,
-tempered with that philosophy which becomes a man and a Christian. He
-affected no absolute superiority to all pleasure and pain, to all joy
-and grief; but was not at the same time to be discomposed and ruffled
-by every accidental blast, by every smile or frown of fortune. He
-received, therefore, Mr Western's proposal without any visible
-emotion, or without any alteration of countenance. He said the
-alliance was such as he sincerely wished; then launched forth into a
-very just encomium on the young lady's merit; acknowledged the offer
-to be advantageous in point of fortune; and after thanking Mr Western
-for the good opinion he had professed of his nephew, concluded, that
-if the young people liked each other, he should be very desirous to
-complete the affair.
-
-Western was a little disappointed at Mr Allworthy's answer, which was
-not so warm as he expected. He treated the doubt whether the young
-people might like one another with great contempt, saying, "That
-parents were the best judges of proper matches for their children:
-that for his part he should insist on the most resigned obedience from
-his daughter: and if any young fellow could refuse such a bed-fellow,
-he was his humble servant, and hoped there was no harm done."
-
-Allworthy endeavoured to soften this resentment by many eulogiums on
-Sophia, declaring he had no doubt but that Mr Blifil would very gladly
-receive the offer; but all was ineffectual; he could obtain no other
-answer from the squire but--"I say no more--I humbly hope there's no
-harm done--that's all." Which words he repeated at least a hundred
-times before they parted.
-
-Allworthy was too well acquainted with his neighbour to be offended at
-this behaviour; and though he was so averse to the rigour which some
-parents exercise on their children in the article of marriage, that he
-had resolved never to force his nephew's inclinations, he was
-nevertheless much pleased with the prospect of this union; for the
-whole country resounded the praises of Sophia, and he had himself
-greatly admired the uncommon endowments of both her mind and person.
-
-To which I believe we may add, the consideration of her vast fortune,
-which, though he was too sober to be intoxicated with it, he was too
-sensible to despise.
-
-And here, in defiance of all the barking critics in the world, I must
-and will introduce a digression concerning true wisdom, of which Mr
-Allworthy was in reality as great a pattern as he was of goodness.
-
-True wisdom then, notwithstanding all which Mr Hogarth's poor poet may
-have writ against riches, and in spite of all which any rich well-fed
-divine may have preached against pleasure, consists not in the
-contempt of either of these. A man may have as much wisdom in the
-possession of an affluent fortune, as any beggar in the streets; or
-may enjoy a handsome wife or a hearty friend, and still remain as wise
-as any sour popish recluse, who buries all his social faculties, and
-starves his belly while he well lashes his back.
-
-To say truth, the wisest man is the likeliest to possess all worldly
-blessings in an eminent degree; for as that moderation which wisdom
-prescribes is the surest way to useful wealth, so can it alone qualify
-us to taste many pleasures. The wise man gratifies every appetite and
-every passion, while the fool sacrifices all the rest to pall and
-satiate one.
-
-It may be objected, that very wise men have been notoriously
-avaricious. I answer, Not wise in that instance. It may likewise be
-said, That the wisest men have been in their youth immoderately fond
-of pleasure. I answer, They were not wise then.
-
-Wisdom, in short, whose lessons have been represented as so hard to
-learn by those who never were at her school, only teaches us to extend
-a simple maxim universally known and followed even in the lowest life,
-a little farther than that life carries it. And this is, not to buy at
-too dear a price.
-
-Now, whoever takes this maxim abroad with him into the grand market of
-the world, and constantly applies it to honours, to riches, to
-pleasures, and to every other commodity which that market affords, is,
-I will venture to affirm, a wise man, and must be so acknowledged in
-the worldly sense of the word; for he makes the best of bargains,
-since in reality he purchases everything at the price only of a little
-trouble, and carries home all the good things I have mentioned, while
-he keeps his health, his innocence, and his reputation, the common
-prices which are paid for them by others, entire and to himself.
-
-From this moderation, likewise, he learns two other lessons, which
-complete his character. First, never to be intoxicated when he hath
-made the best bargain, nor dejected when the market is empty, or when
-its commodities are too dear for his purchase.
-
-But I must remember on what subject I am writing, and not trespass too
-far on the patience of a good-natured critic. Here, therefore, I put
-an end to the chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing sundry curious matters.
-
-
-As soon as Mr Allworthy returned home, he took Mr Blifil apart, and
-after some preface, communicated to him the proposal which had been
-made by Mr Western, and at the same time informed him how agreeable
-this match would be to himself.
-
-The charms of Sophia had not made the least impression on Blifil; not
-that his heart was pre-engaged; neither was he totally insensible of
-beauty, or had any aversion to women; but his appetites were by nature
-so moderate, that he was able, by philosophy, or by study, or by some
-other method, easily to subdue them: and as to that passion which we
-have treated of in the first chapter of this book, he had not the
-least tincture of it in his whole composition.
-
-But though he was so entirely free from that mixed passion, of which
-we there treated, and of which the virtues and beauty of Sophia formed
-so notable an object; yet was he altogether as well furnished with
-some other passions, that promised themselves very full gratification
-in the young lady's fortune. Such were avarice and ambition, which
-divided the dominion of his mind between them. He had more than once
-considered the possession of this fortune as a very desirable thing,
-and had entertained some distant views concerning it; but his own
-youth, and that of the young lady, and indeed principally a reflection
-that Mr Western might marry again, and have more children, had
-restrained him from too hasty or eager a pursuit.
-
-This last and most material objection was now in great measure
-removed, as the proposal came from Mr Western himself. Blifil,
-therefore, after a very short hesitation, answered Mr Allworthy, that
-matrimony was a subject on which he had not yet thought; but that he
-was so sensible of his friendly and fatherly care, that he should in
-all things submit himself to his pleasure.
-
-Allworthy was naturally a man of spirit, and his present gravity arose
-from true wisdom and philosophy, not from any original phlegm in his
-disposition; for he had possessed much fire in his youth, and had
-married a beautiful woman for love. He was not therefore greatly
-pleased with this cold answer of his nephew; nor could he help
-launching forth into the praises of Sophia, and expressing some wonder
-that the heart of a young man could be impregnable to the force of
-such charms, unless it was guarded by some prior affection.
-
-Blifil assured him he had no such guard; and then proceeded to
-discourse so wisely and religiously on love and marriage, that he
-would have stopt the mouth of a parent much less devoutly inclined
-than was his uncle. In the end, the good man was satisfied that his
-nephew, far from having any objections to Sophia, had that esteem for
-her, which in sober and virtuous minds is the sure foundation of
-friendship and love. And as he doubted not but the lover would, in a
-little time, become altogether as agreeable to his mistress, he
-foresaw great happiness arising to all parties by so proper and
-desirable an union. With Mr Blifil's consent therefore he wrote the
-next morning to Mr Western, acquainting him that his nephew had very
-thankfully and gladly received the proposal, and would be ready to
-wait on the young lady, whenever she should be pleased to accept his
-visit.
-
-Western was much pleased with this letter, and immediately returned an
-answer; in which, without having mentioned a word to his daughter, he
-appointed that very afternoon for opening the scene of courtship.
-
-As soon as he had dispatched this messenger, he went in quest of his
-sister, whom he found reading and expounding the _Gazette_ to parson
-Supple. To this exposition he was obliged to attend near a quarter of
-an hour, though with great violence to his natural impetuosity, before
-he was suffered to speak. At length, however, he found an opportunity
-of acquainting the lady, that he had business of great consequence to
-impart to her; to which she answered, "Brother, I am entirely at your
-service. Things look so well in the north, that I was never in a
-better humour."
-
-The parson then withdrawing, Western acquainted her with all which had
-passed, and desired her to communicate the affair to Sophia, which she
-readily and chearfully undertook; though perhaps her brother was a
-little obliged to that agreeable northern aspect which had so
-delighted her, that he heard no comment on his proceedings; for they
-were certainly somewhat too hasty and violent.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-In which is related what passed between Sophia and her aunt.
-
-
-Sophia was in her chamber, reading, when her aunt came in. The moment
-she saw Mrs Western, she shut the book with so much eagerness, that
-the good lady could not forbear asking her, What book that was which
-she seemed so much afraid of showing? "Upon my word, madam," answered
-Sophia, "it is a book which I am neither ashamed nor afraid to own I
-have read. It is the production of a young lady of fashion, whose good
-understanding, I think, doth honour to her sex, and whose good heart
-is an honour to human nature." Mrs Western then took up the book, and
-immediately after threw it down, saying--"Yes, the author is of a very
-good family; but she is not much among people one knows. I have never
-read it; for the best judges say, there is not much in it."--"I dare
-not, madam, set up my own opinion," says Sophia, "against the best
-judges, but there appears to me a great deal of human nature in it;
-and in many parts so much true tenderness and delicacy, that it hath
-cost me many a tear."--"Ay, and do you love to cry then?" says the
-aunt. "I love a tender sensation," answered the niece, "and would pay
-the price of a tear for it at any time."--"Well, but show me," said
-the aunt, "what was you reading when I came in; there was something
-very tender in that, I believe, and very loving too. You blush, my
-dear Sophia. Ah! child, you should read books which would teach you a
-little hypocrisy, which would instruct you how to hide your thoughts a
-little better."--"I hope, madam," answered Sophia, "I have no thoughts
-which I ought to be ashamed of discovering."--"Ashamed! no," cries the
-aunt, "I don't think you have any thoughts which you ought to be
-ashamed of; and yet, child, you blushed just now when I mentioned the
-word loving. Dear Sophy, be assured you have not one thought which I
-am not well acquainted with; as well, child, as the French are with
-our motions, long before we put them in execution. Did you think,
-child, because you have been able to impose upon your father, that you
-could impose upon me? Do you imagine I did not know the reason of your
-overacting all that friendship for Mr Blifil yesterday? I have seen a
-little too much of the world, to be so deceived. Nay, nay, do not
-blush again. I tell you it is a passion you need not be ashamed of. It
-is a passion I myself approve, and have already brought your father
-into the approbation of it. Indeed, I solely consider your
-inclination; for I would always have that gratified, if possible,
-though one may sacrifice higher prospects. Come, I have news which
-will delight your very soul. Make me your confident, and I will
-undertake you shall be happy to the very extent of your wishes." "La,
-madam," says Sophia, looking more foolishly than ever she did in her
-life, "I know not what to say--why, madam, should you suspect?"--"Nay,
-no dishonesty," returned Mrs Western. "Consider, you are speaking to
-one of your own sex, to an aunt, and I hope you are convinced you
-speak to a friend. Consider, you are only revealing to me what I know
-already, and what I plainly saw yesterday, through that most artful of
-all disguises, which you had put on, and which must have deceived any
-one who had not perfectly known the world. Lastly, consider it is a
-passion which I highly approve." "La, madam," says Sophia, "you come
-upon one so unawares, and on a sudden. To be sure, madam, I am not
-blind--and certainly, if it be a fault to see all human perfections
-assembled together--but is it possible my father and you, madam, can
-see with my eyes?" "I tell you," answered the aunt, "we do entirely
-approve; and this very afternoon your father hath appointed for you to
-receive your lover." "My father, this afternoon!" cries Sophia, with
-the blood starting from her face.--"Yes, child," said the aunt, "this
-afternoon. You know the impetuosity of my brother's temper. I
-acquainted him with the passion which I first discovered in you that
-evening when you fainted away in the field. I saw it in your fainting.
-I saw it immediately upon your recovery. I saw it that evening at
-supper, and the next morning at breakfast (you know, child, I have
-seen the world). Well, I no sooner acquainted my brother, but he
-immediately wanted to propose it to Allworthy. He proposed it
-yesterday, Allworthy consented (as to be sure he must with joy), and
-this afternoon, I tell you, you are to put on all your best airs."
-"This afternoon!" cries Sophia. "Dear aunt, you frighten me out of my
-senses." "O, my dear," said the aunt, "you will soon come to yourself
-again; for he is a charming young fellow, that's the truth on't."
-"Nay, I will own," says Sophia, "I know none with such perfections. So
-brave, and yet so gentle; so witty, yet so inoffensive; so humane, so
-civil, so genteel, so handsome! What signifies his being base born,
-when compared with such qualifications as these?" "Base born? What do
-you mean?" said the aunt, "Mr Blifil base born!" Sophia turned
-instantly pale at this name, and faintly repeated it. Upon which the
-aunt cried, "Mr Blifil--ay, Mr Blifil, of whom else have we been
-talking?" "Good heavens," answered Sophia, ready to sink, "of Mr
-Jones, I thought; I am sure I know no other who deserves--" "I
-protest," cries the aunt, "you frighten me in your turn. Is it Mr
-Jones, and not Mr Blifil, who is the object of your affection?" "Mr
-Blifil!" repeated Sophia. "Sure it is impossible you can be in
-earnest; if you are, I am the most miserable woman alive." Mrs Western
-now stood a few moments silent, while sparks of fiery rage flashed
-from her eyes. At length, collecting all her force of voice, she
-thundered forth in the following articulate sounds:
-
-"And is it possible you can think of disgracing your family by allying
-yourself to a bastard? Can the blood of the Westerns submit to such
-contamination? If you have not sense sufficient to restrain such
-monstrous inclinations, I thought the pride of our family would have
-prevented you from giving the least encouragement to so base an
-affection; much less did I imagine you would ever have had the
-assurance to own it to my face."
-
-"Madam," answered Sophia, trembling, "what I have said you have
-extorted from me. I do not remember to have ever mentioned the name of
-Mr Jones with approbation to any one before; nor should I now had I
-not conceived he had your approbation. Whatever were my thoughts of
-that poor, unhappy young man, I intended to have carried them with me
-to my grave--to that grave where only now, I find, I am to seek
-repose." Here she sunk down in her chair, drowned in her tears, and,
-in all the moving silence of unutterable grief, presented a spectacle
-which must have affected almost the hardest heart.
-
-All this tender sorrow, however, raised no compassion in her aunt. On
-the contrary, she now fell into the most violent rage.--"And I would
-rather," she cried, in a most vehement voice, "follow you to your
-grave, than I would see you disgrace yourself and your family by such
-a match. O Heavens! could I have ever suspected that I should live to
-hear a niece of mine declare a passion for such a fellow? You are the
-first--yes, Miss Western, you are the first of your name who ever
-entertained so grovelling a thought. A family so noted for the
-prudence of its women"--here she ran on a full quarter of an hour,
-till, having exhausted her breath rather than her rage, she concluded
-with threatening to go immediately and acquaint her brother.
-
-Sophia then threw herself at her feet, and laying hold of her hands,
-begged her with tears to conceal what she had drawn from her; urging
-the violence of her father's temper, and protesting that no
-inclinations of hers should ever prevail with her to do anything which
-might offend him.
-
-Mrs Western stood a moment looking at her, and then, having
-recollected herself, said, "That on one consideration only she would
-keep the secret from her brother; and this was, that Sophia should
-promise to entertain Mr Blifil that very afternoon as her lover, and
-to regard him as the person who was to be her husband."
-
-Poor Sophia was too much in her aunt's power to deny her anything
-positively; she was obliged to promise that she would see Mr Blifil,
-and be as civil to him as possible; but begged her aunt that the match
-might not be hurried on. She said, "Mr Blifil was by no means
-agreeable to her, and she hoped her father would be prevailed on not
-to make her the most wretched of women."
-
-Mrs Western assured her, "That the match was entirely agreed upon, and
-that nothing could or should prevent it. I must own," said she, "I
-looked on it as on a matter of indifference; nay, perhaps, had some
-scruples about it before, which were actually got over by my thinking
-it highly agreeable to your own inclinations; but now I regard it as
-the most eligible thing in the world: nor shall there be, if I can
-prevent it, a moment of time lost on the occasion."
-
-Sophia replied, "Delay at least, madam, I may expect from both your
-goodness and my father's. Surely you will give me time to endeavour to
-get the better of so strong a disinclination as I have at present to
-this person."
-
-The aunt answered, "She knew too much of the world to be so deceived;
-that as she was sensible another man had her affections, she should
-persuade Mr Western to hasten the match as much as possible. It would
-be bad politics, indeed," added she, "to protract a siege when the
-enemy's army is at hand, and in danger of relieving it. No, no,
-Sophy," said she, "as I am convinced you have a violent passion which
-you can never satisfy with honour, I will do all I can to put your
-honour out of the care of your family: for when you are married those
-matters will belong only to the consideration of your husband. I hope,
-child, you will always have prudence enough to act as becomes you; but
-if you should not, marriage hath saved many a woman from ruin."
-
-Sophia well understood what her aunt meant; but did not think proper
-to make her an answer. However, she took a resolution to see Mr
-Blifil, and to behave to him as civilly as she could, for on that
-condition only she obtained a promise from her aunt to keep secret the
-liking which her ill fortune, rather than any scheme of Mrs Western,
-had unhappily drawn from her.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Containing a dialogue between Sophia and Mrs Honour, which may a
-little relieve those tender affections which the foregoing scene may
-have raised in the mind of a good-natured reader.
-
-
-Mrs Western having obtained that promise from her niece which we have
-seen in the last chapter, withdrew; and presently after arrived Mrs
-Honour. She was at work in a neighbouring apartment, and had been
-summoned to the keyhole by some vociferation in the preceding
-dialogue, where she had continued during the remaining part of it. At
-her entry into the room, she found Sophia standing motionless, with
-the tears trickling from her eyes. Upon which she immediately ordered
-a proper quantity of tears into her own eyes, and then began, "O
-Gemini, my dear lady, what is the matter?"--"Nothing," cries Sophia.
-"Nothing! O dear Madam!" answers Honour, "you must not tell me that,
-when your ladyship is in this taking, and when there hath been such a
-preamble between your ladyship and Madam Western."--"Don't teaze me,"
-cries Sophia; "I tell you nothing is the matter. Good heavens! why was
-I born?"--"Nay, madam," says Mrs Honour, "you shall never persuade me
-that your la'ship can lament yourself so for nothing. To be sure I am
-but a servant; but to be sure I have been always faithful to your
-la'ship, and to be sure I would serve your la'ship with my life."--"My
-dear Honour," says Sophia, "'tis not in thy power to be of any service
-to me. I am irretrievably undone."--"Heaven forbid!" answered the
-waiting-woman; "but if I can't be of any service to you, pray tell me,
-madam--it will be some comfort to me to know--pray, dear ma'am, tell
-me what's the matter."--"My father," cries Sophia, "is going to marry
-me to a man I both despise and hate."--"O dear, ma'am," answered the
-other, "who is this wicked man? for to be sure he is very bad, or your
-la'ship would not despise him."--"His name is poison to my tongue,"
-replied Sophia: "thou wilt know it too soon." Indeed, to confess the
-truth, she knew it already, and therefore was not very inquisitive as
-to that point. She then proceeded thus: "I don't pretend to give your
-la'ship advice, whereof your la'ship knows much better than I can
-pretend to, being but a servant; but, i-fackins! no father in England
-should marry me against my consent. And, to be sure, the 'squire is so
-good, that if he did but know your la'ship despises and hates the
-young man, to be sure he would not desire you to marry him. And if
-your la'ship would but give me leave to tell my master so. To be sure,
-it would be more properer to come from your own mouth; but as your
-la'ship doth not care to foul your tongue with his nasty name--"--"You
-are mistaken, Honour," says Sophia; "my father was determined before
-he ever thought fit to mention it to me."--"More shame for him," cries
-Honour: "you are to go to bed to him, and not master: and thof a man
-may be a very proper man, yet every woman mayn't think him handsome
-alike. I am sure my master would never act in this manner of his own
-head. I wish some people would trouble themselves only with what
-belongs to them; they would not, I believe, like to be served so, if
-it was their own case; for though I am a maid, I can easily believe as
-how all men are not equally agreeable. And what signifies your la'ship
-having so great a fortune, if you can't please yourself with the man
-you think most handsomest? Well, I say nothing; but to be sure it is a
-pity some folks had not been better born; nay, as for that matter, I
-should not mind it myself; but then there is not so much money; and
-what of that? your la'ship hath money enough for both; and where can
-your la'ship bestow your fortune better? for to be sure every one must
-allow that he is the most handsomest, charmingest, finest, tallest,
-properest man in the world."--"What do you mean by running on in this
-manner to me?" cries Sophia, with a very grave countenance. "Have I
-ever given any encouragement for these liberties?"--"Nay, ma'am, I ask
-pardon; I meant no harm," answered she; "but to be sure the poor
-gentleman hath run in my head ever since I saw him this morning. To be
-sure, if your la'ship had but seen him just now, you must have pitied
-him. Poor gentleman! I wishes some misfortune hath not happened to
-him; for he hath been walking about with his arms across, and looking
-so melancholy, all this morning: I vow and protest it made me almost
-cry to see him."--"To see whom?" says Sophia. "Poor Mr Jones,"
-answered Honour. "See him! why, where did you see him?" cries Sophia.
-"By the canal, ma'am," says Honour. "There he hath been walking all
-this morning, and at last there he laid himself down: I believe he
-lies there still. To be sure, if it had not been for my modesty, being
-a maid, as I am, I should have gone and spoke to him. Do, ma'am, let
-me go and see, only for a fancy, whether he is there still."--"Pugh!"
-says Sophia. "There! no, no: what should he do there? He is gone
-before this time, to be sure. Besides, why--what--why should you go to
-see? besides, I want you for something else. Go, fetch me my hat and
-gloves. I shall walk with my aunt in the grove before dinner." Honour
-did immediately as she was bid, and Sophia put her hat on; when,
-looking in the glass, she fancied the ribbon with which her hat was
-tied did not become her, and so sent her maid back again for a ribbon
-of a different colour; and then giving Mrs Honour repeated charges not
-to leave her work on any account, as she said it was in violent haste,
-and must be finished that very day, she muttered something more about
-going to the grove, and then sallied out the contrary way, and walked,
-as fast as her tender trembling limbs could carry her, directly
-towards the canal.
-
-Jones had been there as Mrs Honour had told her; he had indeed spent
-two hours there that morning in melancholy contemplation on his
-Sophia, and had gone out from the garden at one door the moment she
-entered it at another. So that those unlucky minutes which had been
-spent in changing the ribbons, had prevented the lovers from meeting
-at this time;--a most unfortunate accident, from which my fair readers
-will not fail to draw a very wholesome lesson. And here I strictly
-forbid all male critics to intermeddle with a circumstance which I
-have recounted only for the sake of the ladies, and upon which they
-only are at liberty to comment.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-A picture of formal courtship in miniature, as it always ought to be
-drawn, and a scene of a tenderer kind painted at full length.
-
-
-It was well remarked by one (and perhaps by more), that misfortunes do
-not come single. This wise maxim was now verified by Sophia, who was
-not only disappointed of seeing the man she loved, but had the
-vexation of being obliged to dress herself out, in order to receive a
-visit from the man she hated.
-
-That afternoon Mr Western, for the first time, acquainted his daughter
-with his intention; telling her, he knew very well that she had heard
-it before from her aunt. Sophia looked very grave upon this, nor could
-she prevent a few pearls from stealing into her eyes. "Come, come,"
-says Western, "none of your maidenish airs; I know all; I assure you
-sister hath told me all."
-
-"Is it possible," says Sophia, "that my aunt can have betrayed me
-already?"--"Ay, ay," says Western; "betrayed you! ay. Why, you
-betrayed yourself yesterday at dinner. You showed your fancy very
-plainly, I think. But you young girls never know what you would be at.
-So you cry because I am going to marry you to the man you are in love
-with! Your mother, I remember, whimpered and whined just in the same
-manner; but it was all over within twenty-four hours after we were
-married: Mr Blifil is a brisk young man, and will soon put an end to
-your squeamishness. Come, chear up, chear up; I expect un every
-minute."
-
-Sophia was now convinced that her aunt had behaved honourably to her:
-and she determined to go through that disagreeable afternoon with as
-much resolution as possible, and without giving the least suspicion in
-the world to her father.
-
-Mr Blifil soon arrived; and Mr Western soon after withdrawing, left
-the young couple together.
-
-Here a long silence of near a quarter of an hour ensued; for the
-gentleman who was to begin the conversation had all the unbecoming
-modesty which consists in bashfulness. He often attempted to speak,
-and as often suppressed his words just at the very point of utterance.
-At last out they broke in a torrent of far-fetched and high-strained
-compliments, which were answered on her side by downcast looks, half
-bows, and civil monosyllables. Blifil, from his inexperience in the
-ways of women, and from his conceit of himself, took this behaviour
-for a modest assent to his courtship; and when, to shorten a scene
-which she could no longer support, Sophia rose up and left the room,
-he imputed that, too, merely to bashfulness, and comforted himself
-that he should soon have enough of her company.
-
-He was indeed perfectly well satisfied with his prospect of success;
-for as to that entire and absolute possession of the heart of his
-mistress which romantic lovers require, the very idea of it never
-entered his head. Her fortune and her person were the sole objects of
-his wishes, of which he made no doubt soon to obtain the absolute
-property; as Mr Western's mind was so earnestly bent on the match; and
-as he well knew the strict obedience which Sophia was always ready to
-pay to her father's will, and the greater still which her father would
-exact, if there was occasion. This authority, therefore, together with
-the charms which he fancied in his own person and conversation, could
-not fail, he thought, of succeeding with a young lady, whose
-inclinations were, he doubted not, entirely disengaged.
-
-Of Jones he certainly had not even the least jealousy; and I have
-often thought it wonderful that he had not. Perhaps he imagined the
-character which Jones bore all over the country (how justly, let the
-reader determine), of being one of the wildest fellows in England,
-might render him odious to a lady of the most exemplary modesty.
-Perhaps his suspicions might be laid asleep by the behaviour of
-Sophia, and of Jones himself, when they were all in company together.
-Lastly, and indeed principally, he was well assured there was not
-another self in the case. He fancied that he knew Jones to the bottom,
-and had in reality a great contempt for his understanding, for not
-being more attached to his own interest. He had no apprehension that
-Jones was in love with Sophia; and as for any lucrative motives, he
-imagined they would sway very little with so silly a fellow. Blifil,
-moreover, thought the affair of Molly Seagrim still went on, and
-indeed believed it would end in marriage; for Jones really loved him
-from his childhood, and had kept no secret from him, till his
-behaviour on the sickness of Mr Allworthy had entirely alienated his
-heart; and it was by means of the quarrel which had ensued on this
-occasion, and which was not yet reconciled, that Mr Blifil knew
-nothing of the alteration which had happened in the affection which
-Jones had formerly borne towards Molly.
-
-From these reasons, therefore, Mr Blifil saw no bar to his success
-with Sophia. He concluded her behaviour was like that of all other
-young ladies on a first visit from a lover, and it had indeed entirely
-answered his expectations.
-
-Mr Western took care to way-lay the lover at his exit from his
-mistress. He found him so elevated with his success, so enamoured with
-his daughter, and so satisfied with her reception of him, that the old
-gentleman began to caper and dance about his hall, and by many other
-antic actions to express the extravagance of his joy; for he had not
-the least command over any of his passions; and that which had at any
-time the ascendant in his mind hurried him to the wildest excesses.
-
-As soon as Blifil was departed, which was not till after many hearty
-kisses and embraces bestowed on him by Western, the good squire went
-instantly in quest of his daughter, whom he no sooner found than he
-poured forth the most extravagant raptures, bidding her chuse what
-clothes and jewels she pleased; and declaring that he had no other use
-for fortune but to make her happy. He then caressed her again and
-again with the utmost profusion of fondness, called her by the most
-endearing names, and protested she was his only joy on earth.
-
-Sophia perceiving her father in this fit of affection, which she did
-not absolutely know the reason of (for fits of fondness were not
-unusual to him, though this was rather more violent than ordinary),
-thought she should never have a better opportunity of disclosing
-herself than at present, as far at least as regarded Mr Blifil; and
-she too well foresaw the necessity which she should soon be under of
-coming to a full explanation. After having thanked the squire,
-therefore, for all his professions of kindness, she added, with a look
-full of inexpressible softness, "And is it possible my papa can be so
-good to place all his joy in his Sophy's happiness?" which Western
-having confirmed by a great oath, and a kiss; she then laid hold of
-his hand, and, falling on her knees, after many warm and passionate
-declarations of affection and duty, she begged him "not to make her
-the most miserable creature on earth by forcing her to marry a man
-whom she detested. This I entreat of you, dear sir," said she, "for
-your sake, as well as my own, since you are so very kind to tell me
-your happiness depends on mine."--"How! what!" says Western, staring
-wildly. "Oh! sir," continued she, "not only your poor Sophy's
-happiness; her very life, her being, depends upon your granting her
-request. I cannot live with Mr Blifil. To force me into this marriage
-would be killing me."--"You can't live with Mr Blifil?" says Western.
-"No, upon my soul I can't," answered Sophia. "Then die and be d--d,"
-cries he, spurning her from him. "Oh! sir," cries Sophia, catching
-hold of the skirt of his coat, "take pity on me, I beseech you. Don't
-look and say such cruel--Can you be unmoved while you see your Sophy
-in this dreadful condition? Can the best of fathers break my heart?
-Will he kill me by the most painful, cruel, lingering death?"--"Pooh!
-pooh!" cries the squire; "all stuff and nonsense; all maidenish
-tricks. Kill you, indeed! Will marriage kill you?"--"Oh! sir,"
-answered Sophia, "such a marriage is worse than death. He is not even
-indifferent; I hate and detest him."--"If you detest un never so
-much," cries Western, "you shall ha'un." This he bound by an oath too
-shocking to repeat; and after many violent asseverations, concluded in
-these words: "I am resolved upon the match, and unless you consent to
-it I will not give you a groat, not a single farthing; no, though I
-saw you expiring with famine in the street, I would not relieve you
-with a morsel of bread. This is my fixed resolution, and so I leave
-you to consider on it." He then broke from her with such violence,
-that her face dashed against the floor; and he burst directly out of
-the room, leaving poor Sophia prostrate on the ground.
-
-When Western came into the hall, he there found Jones; who seeing his
-friend looking wild, pale, and almost breathless, could not forbear
-enquiring the reason of all these melancholy appearances. Upon which
-the squire immediately acquainted him with the whole matter,
-concluding with bitter denunciations against Sophia, and very pathetic
-lamentations of the misery of all fathers who are so unfortunate to
-have daughters.
-
-Jones, to whom all the resolutions which had been taken in favour of
-Blifil were yet a secret, was at first almost struck dead with this
-relation; but recovering his spirits a little, mere despair, as he
-afterwards said, inspired him to mention a matter to Mr Western, which
-seemed to require more impudence than a human forehead was ever gifted
-with. He desired leave to go to Sophia, that he might endeavour to
-obtain her concurrence with her father's inclinations.
-
-If the squire had been as quicksighted as he was remarkable for the
-contrary, passion might at present very well have blinded him. He
-thanked Jones for offering to undertake the office, and said, "Go, go,
-prithee, try what canst do;" and then swore many execrable oaths that
-he would turn her out of doors unless she consented to the match.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-The meeting between Jones and Sophia.
-
-
-Jones departed instantly in quest of Sophia, whom he found just risen
-from the ground, where her father had left her, with the tears
-trickling from her eyes, and the blood running from her lips. He
-presently ran to her, and with a voice full at once of tenderness and
-terrour, cried, "O my Sophia, what means this dreadful sight?" She
-looked softly at him for a moment before she spoke, and then said, "Mr
-Jones, for Heaven's sake how came you here?--Leave me, I beseech you,
-this moment."--"Do not," says he, "impose so harsh a command upon
-me--my heart bleeds faster than those lips. O Sophia, how easily could
-I drain my veins to preserve one drop of that dear blood."--"I have
-too many obligations to you already," answered she, "for sure you
-meant them such." Here she looked at him tenderly almost a minute, and
-then bursting into an agony, cried, "Oh, Mr Jones, why did you save my
-life? my death would have been happier for us both."--"Happier for us
-both!" cried he. "Could racks or wheels kill me so painfully as
-Sophia's--I cannot bear the dreadful sound. Do I live but for her?"
-Both his voice and looks were full of inexpressible tenderness when he
-spoke these words; and at the same time he laid gently hold on her
-hand, which she did not withdraw from him; to say the truth, she
-hardly knew what she did or suffered. A few moments now passed in
-silence between these lovers, while his eyes were eagerly fixed on
-Sophia, and hers declining towards the ground: at last she recovered
-strength enough to desire him again to leave her, for that her certain
-ruin would be the consequence of their being found together; adding,
-"Oh, Mr Jones, you know not, you know not what hath passed this cruel
-afternoon."--"I know all, my Sophia," answered he; "your cruel father
-hath told me all, and he himself hath sent me hither to you."--"My
-father sent you to me!" replied she: "sure you dream."--"Would to
-Heaven," cries he, "it was but a dream! Oh, Sophia, your father hath
-sent me to you, to be an advocate for my odious rival, to solicit you
-in his favour. I took any means to get access to you. O speak to me,
-Sophia! comfort my bleeding heart. Sure no one ever loved, ever doated
-like me. Do not unkindly withhold this dear, this soft, this gentle
-hand--one moment, perhaps, tears you for ever from me--nothing less
-than this cruel occasion could, I believe, have ever conquered the
-respect and awe with which you have inspired me." She stood a moment
-silent, and covered with confusion; then lifting up her eyes gently
-towards him, she cried, "What would Mr Jones have me say?"--"O do but
-promise," cries he, "that you never will give yourself to
-Blifil."--"Name not," answered she, "the detested sound. Be assured I
-never will give him what is in my power to withhold from him."--"Now
-then," cries he, "while you are so perfectly kind, go a little
-farther, and add that I may hope."--"Alas!" says she, "Mr Jones,
-whither will you drive me? What hope have I to bestow? You know my
-father's intentions."--"But I know," answered he, "your compliance
-with them cannot be compelled."--"What," says she, "must be the
-dreadful consequence of my disobedience? My own ruin is my least
-concern. I cannot bear the thoughts of being the cause of my father's
-misery."--"He is himself the cause," cries Jones, "by exacting a power
-over you which Nature hath not given him. Think on the misery which I
-am to suffer if I am to lose you, and see on which side pity will turn
-the balance."--"Think of it!" replied she: "can you imagine I do not
-feel the ruin which I must bring on you, should I comply with your
-desire? It is that thought which gives me resolution to bid you fly
-from me for ever, and avoid your own destruction."--"I fear no
-destruction," cries he, "but the loss of Sophia. If you would save me
-from the most bitter agonies, recall that cruel sentence. Indeed, I
-can never part with you, indeed I cannot."
-
-The lovers now stood both silent and trembling, Sophia being unable to
-withdraw her hand from Jones, and he almost as unable to hold it; when
-the scene, which I believe some of my readers will think had lasted
-long enough, was interrupted by one of so different a nature, that we
-shall reserve the relation of it for a different chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Being of a much more tempestuous kind than the former.
-
-
-Before we proceed with what now happened to our lovers, it may be
-proper to recount what had past in the hall during their tender
-interview.
-
-Soon after Jones had left Mr Western in the manner above mentioned,
-his sister came to him, and was presently informed of all that had
-passed between her brother and Sophia relating to Blifil.
-
-This behaviour in her niece the good lady construed to be an absolute
-breach of the condition on which she had engaged to keep her love for
-Mr Jones a secret. She considered herself, therefore, at full liberty
-to reveal all she knew to the squire, which she immediately did in the
-most explicit terms, and without any ceremony or preface.
-
-The idea of a marriage between Jones and his daughter, had never once
-entered into the squire's head, either in the warmest minutes of his
-affection towards that young man, or from suspicion, or on any other
-occasion. He did indeed consider a parity of fortune and circumstances
-to be physically as necessary an ingredient in marriage, as difference
-of sexes, or any other essential; and had no more apprehension of his
-daughter's falling in love with a poor man, than with any animal of a
-different species.
-
-He became, therefore, like one thunderstruck at his sister's relation.
-He was, at first, incapable of making any answer, having been almost
-deprived of his breath by the violence of the surprize. This, however,
-soon returned, and, as is usual in other cases after an intermission,
-with redoubled force and fury.
-
-The first use he made of the power of speech, after his recovery from
-the sudden effects of his astonishment, was to discharge a round
-volley of oaths and imprecations. After which he proceeded hastily to
-the apartment where he expected to find the lovers, and murmured, or
-rather indeed roared forth, intentions of revenge every step he went.
-
-As when two doves, or two wood-pigeons, or as when Strephon and
-Phyllis (for that comes nearest to the mark) are retired into some
-pleasant solitary grove, to enjoy the delightful conversation of Love,
-that bashful boy, who cannot speak in public, and is never a good
-companion to more than two at a time; here, while every object is
-serene, should hoarse thunder burst suddenly through the shattered
-clouds, and rumbling roll along the sky, the frightened maid starts
-from the mossy bank or verdant turf, the pale livery of death succeeds
-the red regimentals in which Love had before drest her cheeks, fear
-shakes her whole frame, and her lover scarce supports her trembling
-tottering limbs.
-
-Or as when two gentlemen, strangers to the wondrous wit of the place,
-are cracking a bottle together at some inn or tavern at Salisbury, if
-the great Dowdy, who acts the part of a madman as well as some of his
-setters-on do that of a fool, should rattle his chains, and dreadfully
-hum forth the grumbling catch along the gallery; the frighted
-strangers stand aghast; scared at the horrid sound, they seek some
-place of shelter from the approaching danger; and if the well-barred
-windows did admit their exit, would venture their necks to escape the
-threatening fury now coming upon them.
-
-So trembled poor Sophia, so turned she pale at the noise of her
-father, who, in a voice most dreadful to hear, came on swearing,
-cursing, and vowing the destruction of Jones. To say the truth, I
-believe the youth himself would, from some prudent considerations,
-have preferred another place of abode at this time, had his terror on
-Sophia's account given him liberty to reflect a moment on what any
-otherways concerned himself, than as his love made him partake
-whatever affected her.
-
-And now the squire, having burst open the door, beheld an object which
-instantly suspended all his fury against Jones; this was the ghastly
-appearance of Sophia, who had fainted away in her lover's arms. This
-tragical sight Mr Western no sooner beheld, than all his rage forsook
-him; he roared for help with his utmost violence; ran first to his
-daughter, then back to the door calling for water, and then back again
-to Sophia, never considering in whose arms she then was, nor perhaps
-once recollecting that there was such a person in the world as Jones;
-for indeed I believe the present circumstances of his daughter were
-now the sole consideration which employed his thoughts.
-
-Mrs Western and a great number of servants soon came to the assistance
-of Sophia with water, cordials, and everything necessary on those
-occasions. These were applied with such success, that Sophia in a very
-few minutes began to recover, and all the symptoms of life to return.
-Upon which she was presently led off by her own maid and Mrs Western:
-nor did that good lady depart without leaving some wholesome
-admonitions with her brother, on the dreadful effects of his passion,
-or, as she pleased to call it, madness.
-
-The squire, perhaps, did not understand this good advice, as it was
-delivered in obscure hints, shrugs, and notes of admiration: at least,
-if he did understand it, he profited very little by it; for no sooner
-was he cured of his immediate fears for his daughter, than he relapsed
-into his former frenzy, which must have produced an immediate battle
-with Jones, had not parson Supple, who was a very strong man, been
-present, and by mere force restrained the squire from acts of
-hostility.
-
-The moment Sophia was departed, Jones advanced in a very suppliant
-manner to Mr Western, whom the parson held in his arms, and begged him
-to be pacified; for that, while he continued in such a passion, it
-would be impossible to give him any satisfaction.
-
-"I wull have satisfaction o' thee," answered the squire; "so doff thy
-clothes. _At unt_ half a man, and I'll lick thee as well as wast ever
-licked in thy life." He then bespattered the youth with abundance of
-that language which passes between country gentlemen who embrace
-opposite sides of the question; with frequent applications to him to
-salute that part which is generally introduced into all controversies
-that arise among the lower orders of the English gentry at
-horse-races, cock-matches, and other public places. Allusions to this
-part are likewise often made for the sake of the jest. And here, I
-believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in
-desiring another to kiss your a-- for having just before threatened to
-kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that no one ever
-desires you to kick that which belongs to himself, nor offers to kiss
-this part in another.
-
-It may likewise seem surprizing that in the many thousand kind
-invitations of this sort, which every one who hath conversed with
-country gentlemen must have heard, no one, I believe, hath ever seen a
-single instance where the desire hath been complied with;--a great
-instance of their want of politeness; for in town nothing can be more
-common than for the finest gentlemen to perform this ceremony every
-day to their superiors, without having that favour once requested of
-them.
-
-To all such wit, Jones very calmly answered, "Sir, this usage may
-perhaps cancel every other obligation you have conferred on me; but
-there is one you can never cancel; nor will I be provoked by your
-abuse to lift my hand against the father of Sophia."
-
-At these words the squire grew still more outrageous than before; so
-that the parson begged Jones to retire; saying, "You behold, sir, how
-he waxeth wrath at your abode here; therefore let me pray you not to
-tarry any longer. His anger is too much kindled for you to commune
-with him at present. You had better, therefore, conclude your visit,
-and refer what matters you have to urge in your behalf to some other
-opportunity."
-
-Jones accepted this advice with thanks, and immediately departed. The
-squire now regained the liberty of his hands, and so much temper as to
-express some satisfaction in the restraint which had been laid upon
-him; declaring that he should certainly have beat his brains out; and
-adding, "It would have vexed one confoundedly to have been hanged for
-such a rascal."
-
-The parson now began to triumph in the success of his peace-making
-endeavours, and proceeded to read a lecture against anger, which might
-perhaps rather have tended to raise than to quiet that passion in some
-hasty minds. This lecture he enriched with many valuable quotations
-from the antients, particularly from Seneca; who hath indeed so well
-handled this passion, that none but a very angry man can read him
-without great pleasure and profit. The doctor concluded this harangue
-with the famous story of Alexander and Clitus; but as I find that
-entered in my common-place under title Drunkenness, I shall not insert
-it here.
-
-The squire took no notice of this story, nor perhaps of anything he
-said; for he interrupted him before he had finished, by calling for a
-tankard of beer; observing (which is perhaps as true as any
-observation on this fever of the mind) that anger makes a man dry.
-
-No sooner had the squire swallowed a large draught than he renewed the
-discourse on Jones, and declared a resolution of going the next
-morning early to acquaint Mr Allworthy. His friend would have
-dissuaded him from this, from the mere motive of good-nature; but his
-dissuasion had no other effect than to produce a large volley of oaths
-and curses, which greatly shocked the pious ears of Supple; but he did
-not dare to remonstrate against a privilege which the squire claimed
-as a freeborn Englishman. To say truth, the parson submitted to please
-his palate at the squire's table, at the expense of suffering now and
-then this violence to his ears. He contented himself with thinking he
-did not promote this evil practice, and that the squire would not
-swear an oath the less, if he never entered within his gates. However,
-though he was not guilty of ill manners by rebuking a gentleman in his
-own house, he paid him off obliquely in the pulpit: which had not,
-indeed, the good effect of working a reformation in the squire
-himself; yet it so far operated on his conscience, that he put the
-laws very severely in execution against others, and the magistrate was
-the only person in the parish who could swear with impunity.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-In which Mr Western visits Mr Allworthy.
-
-
-Mr Allworthy was now retired from breakfast with his nephew, well
-satisfied with the report of the young gentleman's successful visit to
-Sophia (for he greatly desired the match, more on account of the young
-lady's character than of her riches), when Mr Western broke abruptly
-in upon them, and without any ceremony began as follows:--
-
-"There, you have done a fine piece of work truly! You have brought up
-your bastard to a fine purpose; not that I believe you have had any
-hand in it neither, that is, as a man may say, designedly: but there
-is a fine kettle-of-fish made on't up at our house." "What can be the
-matter, Mr Western?" said Allworthy. "O, matter enow of all
-conscience: my daughter hath fallen in love with your bastard, that's
-all; but I won't ge her a hapeny, not the twentieth part of a brass
-varden. I always thought what would come o' breeding up a bastard like
-a gentleman, and letting un come about to vok's houses. It's well vor
-un I could not get at un: I'd a lick'd un; I'd a spoil'd his
-caterwauling; I'd a taught the son of a whore to meddle with meat for
-his master. He shan't ever have a morsel of meat of mine, or a varden
-to buy it: if she will ha un, one smock shall be her portion. I'd
-sooner ge my esteate to the zinking fund, that it may be sent to
-Hanover to corrupt our nation with." "I am heartily sorry," cries
-Allworthy. "Pox o' your sorrow," says Western; "it will do me
-abundance of good when I have lost my only child, my poor Sophy, that
-was the joy of my heart, and all the hope and comfort of my age; but I
-am resolved I will turn her out o' doors; she shall beg, and starve,
-and rot in the streets. Not one hapeny, not a hapeny shall she ever
-hae o' mine. The son of a bitch was always good at finding a hare
-sitting, an be rotted to'n: I little thought what puss he was looking
-after; but it shall be the worst he ever vound in his life. She shall
-be no better than carrion: the skin o'er is all he shall ha, and zu
-you may tell un." "I am in amazement," cries Allworthy, "at what you
-tell me, after what passed between my nephew and the young lady no
-longer ago than yesterday." "Yes, sir," answered Western, "it was
-after what passed between your nephew and she that the whole matter
-came out. Mr Blifil there was no sooner gone than the son of a whore
-came lurching about the house. Little did I think when I used to love
-him for a sportsman that he was all the while a poaching after my
-daughter." "Why truly," says Allworthy, "I could wish you had not
-given him so many opportunities with her; and you will do me the
-justice to acknowledge that I have always been averse to his staying
-so much at your house, though I own I had no suspicion of this kind."
-"Why, zounds," cries Western, "who could have thought it? What the
-devil had she to do wi'n? He did not come there a courting to her; he
-came there a hunting with me." "But was it possible," says Allworthy,
-"that you should never discern any symptoms of love between them, when
-you have seen them so often together?" "Never in my life, as I hope to
-be saved," cries Western: "I never so much as zeed him kiss her in all
-my life; and so far from courting her, he used rather to be more
-silent when she was in company than at any other time; and as for the
-girl, she was always less civil to'n than to any young man that came
-to the house. As to that matter, I am not more easy to be deceived
-than another; I would not have you think I am, neighbour." Allworthy
-could scarce refrain laughter at this; but he resolved to do a
-violence to himself; for he perfectly well knew mankind, and had too
-much good-breeding and good-nature to offend the squire in his present
-circumstances. He then asked Western what he would have him do upon
-this occasion. To which the other answered, "That he would have him
-keep the rascal away from his house, and that he would go and lock up
-the wench; for he was resolved to make her marry Mr Blifil in spite of
-her teeth." He then shook Blifil by the hand, and swore he would have
-no other son-in-law. Presently after which he took his leave; saying
-his house was in such disorder that it was necessary for him to make
-haste home, to take care his daughter did not give him the slip; and
-as for Jones, he swore if he caught him at his house, he would qualify
-him to run for the geldings' plate.
-
-When Allworthy and Blifil were again left together, a long silence
-ensued between them; all which interval the young gentleman filled up
-with sighs, which proceeded partly from disappointment, but more from
-hatred; for the success of Jones was much more grievous to him than
-the loss of Sophia.
-
-At length his uncle asked him what he was determined to do, and he
-answered in the following words:--"Alas! sir, can it be a question
-what step a lover will take, when reason and passion point different
-ways? I am afraid it is too certain he will, in that dilemma, always
-follow the latter. Reason dictates to me, to quit all thoughts of a
-woman who places her affections on another; my passion bids me hope
-she may in time change her inclinations in my favour. Here, however, I
-conceive an objection may be raised, which, if it could not fully be
-answered, would totally deter me from any further pursuit. I mean the
-injustice of endeavouring to supplant another in a heart of which he
-seems already in possession; but the determined resolution of Mr
-Western shows that, in this case, I shall, by so doing, promote the
-happiness of every party; not only that of the parent, who will thus
-be preserved from the highest degree of misery, but of both the
-others, who must be undone by this match. The lady, I am sure, will be
-undone in every sense; for, besides the loss of most part of her own
-fortune, she will be not only married to a beggar, but the little
-fortune which her father cannot withhold from her will be squandered
-on that wench with whom I know he yet converses. Nay, that is a
-trifle; for I know him to be one of the worst men in the world; for
-had my dear uncle known what I have hitherto endeavoured to conceal,
-he must have long since abandoned so profligate a wretch." "How!" said
-Allworthy; "hath he done anything worse than I already know? Tell me,
-I beseech you?" "No," replied Blifil; "it is now past, and perhaps he
-may have repented of it." "I command you, on your duty," said
-Allworthy, "to tell me what you mean." "You know, sir," says Blifil,
-"I never disobeyed you; but I am sorry I mentioned it, since it may
-now look like revenge, whereas, I thank Heaven, no such motive ever
-entered my heart; and if you oblige me to discover it, I must be his
-petitioner to you for your forgiveness." "I will have no conditions,"
-answered Allworthy; "I think I have shown tenderness enough towards
-him, and more perhaps than you ought to thank me for." "More, indeed,
-I fear, than he deserved," cries Blifil; "for in the very day of your
-utmost danger, when myself and all the family were in tears, he filled
-the house with riot and debauchery. He drank, and sung, and roared;
-and when I gave him a gentle hint of the indecency of his actions, he
-fell into a violent passion, swore many oaths, called me rascal, and
-struck me." "How!" cries Allworthy; "did he dare to strike you?" "I am
-sure," cries Blifil, "I have forgiven him that long ago. I wish I
-could so easily forget his ingratitude to the best of benefactors; and
-yet even that I hope you will forgive him, since he must have
-certainly been possessed with the devil: for that very evening, as Mr
-Thwackum and myself were taking the air in the fields, and exulting in
-the good symptoms which then first began to discover themselves, we
-unluckily saw him engaged with a wench in a manner not fit to be
-mentioned. Mr Thwackum, with more boldness than prudence, advanced to
-rebuke him, when (I am sorry to say it) he fell upon the worthy man,
-and beat him so outrageously that I wish he may have yet recovered the
-bruises. Nor was I without my share of the effects of his malice,
-while I endeavoured to protect my tutor; but that I have long
-forgiven; nay, I prevailed with Mr Thwackum to forgive him too, and
-not to inform you of a secret which I feared might be fatal to him.
-And now, sir, since I have unadvisedly dropped a hint of this matter,
-and your commands have obliged me to discover the whole, let me
-intercede with you for him." "O child!" said Allworthy, "I know not
-whether I should blame or applaud your goodness, in concealing such
-villany a moment: but where is Mr Thwackum? Not that I want any
-confirmation of what you say; but I will examine all the evidence of
-this matter, to justify to the world the example I am resolved to make
-of such a monster."
-
-Thwackum was now sent for, and presently appeared. He corroborated
-every circumstance which the other had deposed; nay, he produced the
-record upon his breast, where the handwriting of Mr Jones remained
-very legible in black and blue. He concluded with declaring to Mr
-Allworthy, that he should have long since informed him of this matter,
-had not Mr Blifil, by the most earnest interpositions, prevented him.
-"He is," says he, "an excellent youth: though such forgiveness of
-enemies is carrying the matter too far."
-
-In reality, Blifil had taken some pains to prevail with the parson,
-and to prevent the discovery at that time; for which he had many
-reasons. He knew that the minds of men are apt to be softened and
-relaxed from their usual severity by sickness. Besides, he imagined
-that if the story was told when the fact was so recent, and the
-physician about the house, who might have unravelled the real truth,
-he should never be able to give it the malicious turn which he
-intended. Again, he resolved to hoard up this business, till the
-indiscretion of Jones should afford some additional complaints; for he
-thought the joint weight of many facts falling upon him together,
-would be the most likely to crush him; and he watched, therefore, some
-such opportunity as that with which fortune had now kindly presented
-him. Lastly, by prevailing with Thwackum to conceal the matter for a
-time, he knew he should confirm an opinion of his friendship to Jones,
-which he had greatly laboured to establish in Mr Allworthy.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-A short chapter; but which contains sufficient matter to affect the
-good-natured reader.
-
-
-It was Mr Allworthy's custom never to punish any one, not even to turn
-away a servant, in a passion. He resolved therefore to delay passing
-sentence on Jones till the afternoon.
-
-The poor young man attended at dinner, as usual; but his heart was too
-much loaded to suffer him to eat. His grief too was a good deal
-aggravated by the unkind looks of Mr Allworthy; whence he concluded
-that Western had discovered the whole affair between him and Sophia;
-but as to Mr Blifil's story, he had not the least apprehension; for of
-much the greater part he was entirely innocent; and for the residue,
-as he had forgiven and forgotten it himself, so he suspected no
-remembrance on the other side. When dinner was over, and the servants
-departed, Mr Allworthy began to harangue. He set forth, in a long
-speech, the many iniquities of which Jones had been guilty,
-particularly those which this day had brought to light; and concluded
-by telling him, "That unless he could clear himself of the charge, he
-was resolved to banish him his sight for ever."
-
-Many disadvantages attended poor Jones in making his defence; nay,
-indeed, he hardly knew his accusation; for as Mr Allworthy, in
-recounting the drunkenness, &c., while he lay ill, out of modesty sunk
-everything that related particularly to himself, which indeed
-principally constituted the crime; Jones could not deny the charge.
-His heart was, besides, almost broken already; and his spirits were so
-sunk, that he could say nothing for himself; but acknowledged the
-whole, and, like a criminal in despair, threw himself upon mercy;
-concluding, "That though he must own himself guilty of many follies
-and inadvertencies, he hoped he had done nothing to deserve what would
-be to him the greatest punishment in the world."
-
-Allworthy answered, "That he had forgiven him too often already, in
-compassion to his youth, and in hopes of his amendment: that he now
-found he was an abandoned reprobate, and such as it would be criminal
-in any one to support and encourage. Nay," said Mr Allworthy to him,
-"your audacious attempt to steal away the young lady, calls upon me to
-justify my own character in punishing you. The world who have already
-censured the regard I have shown for you may think, with some colour
-at least of justice, that I connive at so base and barbarous an
-action--an action of which you must have known my abhorrence: and
-which, had you had any concern for my ease and honour, as well as for
-my friendship, you would never have thought of undertaking. Fie upon
-it, young man! indeed there is scarce any punishment equal to your
-crimes, and I can scarce think myself justifiable in what I am now
-going to bestow on you. However, as I have educated you like a child
-of my own, I will not turn you naked into the world. When you open
-this paper, therefore, you will find something which may enable you,
-with industry, to get an honest livelihood; but if you employ it to
-worse purposes, I shall not think myself obliged to supply you
-farther, being resolved, from this day forward, to converse no more
-with you on any account. I cannot avoid saying, there is no part of
-your conduct which I resent more than your ill-treatment of that good
-young man (meaning Blifil) who hath behaved with so much tenderness
-and honour towards you."
-
-These last words were a dose almost too bitter to be swallowed. A
-flood of tears now gushed from the eyes of Jones, and every faculty of
-speech and motion seemed to have deserted him. It was some time before
-he was able to obey Allworthy's peremptory commands of departing;
-which he at length did, having first kissed his hands with a passion
-difficult to be affected, and as difficult to be described.
-
-The reader must be very weak, if, when he considers the light in which
-Jones then appeared to Mr Allworthy, he should blame the rigour of his
-sentence. And yet all the neighbourhood, either from this weakness, or
-from some worse motive, condemned this justice and severity as the
-highest cruelty. Nay, the very persons who had before censured the
-good man for the kindness and tenderness shown to a bastard (his own,
-according to the general opinion), now cried out as loudly against
-turning his own child out of doors. The women especially were
-unanimous in taking the part of Jones, and raised more stories on the
-occasion than I have room, in this chapter, to set down.
-
-One thing must not be omitted, that, in their censures on this
-occasion, none ever mentioned the sum contained in the paper which
-Allworthy gave Jones, which was no less than five hundred pounds; but
-all agreed that he was sent away penniless, and some said naked, from
-the house of his inhuman father.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-Containing love-letters, &c.
-
-
-Jones was commanded to leave the house immediately, and told, that his
-clothes and everything else should be sent to him whithersoever he
-should order them.
-
-He accordingly set out, and walked above a mile, not regarding, and
-indeed scarce knowing, whither he went. At length a little brook
-obstructing his passage, he threw himself down by the side of it; nor
-could he help muttering with some little indignation, "Sure my father
-will not deny me this place to rest in!"
-
-Here he presently fell into the most violent agonies, tearing his hair
-from his head, and using most other actions which generally accompany
-fits of madness, rage, and despair.
-
-When he had in this manner vented the first emotions of passion, he
-began to come a little to himself. His grief now took another turn,
-and discharged itself in a gentler way, till he became at last cool
-enough to reason with his passion, and to consider what steps were
-proper to be taken in his deplorable condition.
-
-And now the great doubt was, how to act with regard to Sophia. The
-thoughts of leaving her almost rent his heart asunder; but the
-consideration of reducing her to ruin and beggary still racked him, if
-possible, more; and if the violent desire of possessing her person
-could have induced him to listen one moment to this alternative, still
-he was by no means certain of her resolution to indulge his wishes at
-so high an expense. The resentment of Mr Allworthy, and the injury he
-must do to his quiet, argued strongly against this latter; and lastly,
-the apparent impossibility of his success, even if he would sacrifice
-all these considerations to it, came to his assistance; and thus
-honour at last backed with despair, with gratitude to his benefactor,
-and with real love to his mistress, got the better of burning desire,
-and he resolved rather to quit Sophia, than pursue her to her ruin.
-
-It is difficult for any who have not felt it, to conceive the glowing
-warmth which filled his breast on the first contemplation of this
-victory over his passion. Pride flattered him so agreeably, that his
-mind perhaps enjoyed perfect happiness; but this was only momentary:
-Sophia soon returned to his imagination, and allayed the joy of his
-triumph with no less bitter pangs than a good-natured general must
-feel, when he surveys the bleeding heaps, at the price of whose blood
-he hath purchased his laurels; for thousands of tender ideas lay
-murdered before our conqueror.
-
-Being resolved, however, to pursue the paths of this giant honour, as
-the gigantic poet Lee calls it, he determined to write a farewel
-letter to Sophia; and accordingly proceeded to a house not far off,
-where, being furnished with proper materials, he wrote as follows:--
-
-  "MADAM,
-
-  "When you reflect on the situation in which I write, I am sure your
-  good-nature will pardon any inconsistency or absurdity which my
-  letter contains; for everything here flows from a heart so full,
-  that no language can express its dictates.
-
-  "I have resolved, madam, to obey your commands, in flying for ever
-  from your dear, your lovely sight. Cruel indeed those commands are;
-  but it is a cruelty which proceeds from fortune, not from my Sophia.
-  Fortune hath made it necessary, necessary to your preservation, to
-  forget there ever was such a wretch as I am.
-
-  "Believe me, I would not hint all my sufferings to you, if I
-  imagined they could possibly escape your ears. I know the goodness
-  and tenderness of your heart, and would avoid giving you any of
-  those pains which you always feel for the miserable. O let nothing,
-  which you shall hear of my hard fortune, cause a moment's concern;
-  for, after the loss of you, everything is to me a trifle.
-
-  "O Sophia! it is hard to leave you; it is harder still to desire you
-  to forget me; yet the sincerest love obliges me to both. Pardon my
-  conceiving that any remembrance of me can give you disquiet; but if
-  I am so gloriously wretched, sacrifice me every way to your relief.
-  Think I never loved you; or think truly how little I deserve you;
-  and learn to scorn me for a presumption which can never be too
-  severely punished.--I am unable to say more.--May guardian angels
-  protect you for ever!"
-
-He was now searching his pockets for his wax, but found none, nor
-indeed anything else, therein; for in truth he had, in his frantic
-disposition, tossed everything from him, and amongst the rest, his
-pocket-book, which he had received from Mr Allworthy, which he had
-never opened, and which now first occurred to his memory.
-
-The house supplied him with a wafer for his present purpose, with
-which, having sealed his letter, he returned hastily towards the brook
-side, in order to search for the things which he had there lost. In
-his way he met his old friend Black George, who heartily condoled with
-him on his misfortune; for this had already reached his ears, and
-indeed those of all the neighbourhood.
-
-Jones acquainted the gamekeeper with his loss, and he as readily went
-back with him to the brook, where they searched every tuft of grass in
-the meadow, as well where Jones had not been as where he had been; but
-all to no purpose, for they found nothing; for, indeed, though the
-things were then in the meadow, they omitted to search the only place
-where they were deposited; to wit, in the pockets of the said George;
-for he had just before found them, and being luckily apprized of their
-value, had very carefully put them up for his own use.
-
-The gamekeeper having exerted as much diligence in quest of the lost
-goods, as if he had hoped to find them, desired Mr Jones to recollect
-if he had been in no other place: "For sure," said he, "if you had
-lost them here so lately, the things must have been here still; for
-this is a very unlikely place for any one to pass by." And indeed it
-was by great accident that he himself had passed through that field,
-in order to lay wires for hares, with which he was to supply a
-poulterer at Bath the next morning.
-
-Jones now gave over all hopes of recovering his loss, and almost all
-thoughts concerning it, and turning to Black George, asked him
-earnestly if he would do him the greatest favour in the world?
-
-George answered with some hesitation, "Sir, you know you may command
-me whatever is in my power, and I heartily wish it was in my power to
-do you any service." In fact, the question staggered him; for he had,
-by selling game, amassed a pretty good sum of money in Mr Western's
-service, and was afraid that Jones wanted to borrow some small matter
-of him; but he was presently relieved from his anxiety, by being
-desired to convey a letter to Sophia, which with great pleasure he
-promised to do. And indeed I believe there are few favours which he
-would not have gladly conferred on Mr Jones; for he bore as much
-gratitude towards him as he could, and was as honest as men who love
-money better than any other thing in the universe, generally are.
-
-Mrs Honour was agreed by both to be the proper means by which this
-letter should pass to Sophia. They then separated; the gamekeeper
-returned home to Mr Western's, and Jones walked to an alehouse at half
-a mile's distance, to wait for his messenger's return.
-
-George no sooner came home to his master's house than he met with Mrs
-Honour; to whom, having first sounded her with a few previous
-questions, he delivered the letter for her mistress, and received at
-the same time another from her, for Mr Jones; which Honour told him
-she had carried all that day in her bosom, and began to despair of
-finding any means of delivering it.
-
-The gamekeeper returned hastily and joyfully to Jones, who, having
-received Sophia's letter from him, instantly withdrew, and eagerly
-breaking it open, read as follows:--
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "It is impossible to express what I have felt since I saw you. Your
-  submitting, on my account, to such cruel insults from my father,
-  lays me under an obligation I shall ever own. As you know his
-  temper, I beg you will, for my sake, avoid him. I wish I had any
-  comfort to send you; but believe this, that nothing but the last
-  violence shall ever give my hand or heart where you would be sorry
-  to see them bestowed."
-
-Jones read this letter a hundred times over, and kissed it a hundred
-times as often. His passion now brought all tender desires back into
-his mind. He repented that he had writ to Sophia in the manner we have
-seen above; but he repented more that he had made use of the interval
-of his messenger's absence to write and dispatch a letter to Mr
-Allworthy, in which he had faithfully promised and bound himself to
-quit all thoughts of his love. However, when his cool reflections
-returned, he plainly perceived that his case was neither mended nor
-altered by Sophia's billet, unless to give him some little glimpse of
-hope, from her constancy, of some favourable accident hereafter. He
-therefore resumed his resolution, and taking leave of Black George,
-set forward to a town about five miles distant, whither he had desired
-Mr Allworthy, unless he pleased to revoke his sentence, to send his
-things after him.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-The behaviour of Sophia on the present occasion; which none of her sex
-will blame, who are capable of behaving in the same manner. And the
-discussion of a knotty point in the court of conscience.
-
-
-Sophia had passed the last twenty-four hours in no very desirable
-manner. During a large part of them she had been entertained by her
-aunt with lectures of prudence, recommending to her the example of the
-polite world, where love (so the good lady said) is at present
-entirely laughed at, and where women consider matrimony, as men do
-offices of public trust, only as the means of making their fortunes,
-and of advancing themselves in the world. In commenting on which text
-Mrs Western had displayed her eloquence during several hours.
-
-These sagacious lectures, though little suited either to the taste or
-inclination of Sophia, were, however, less irksome to her than her own
-thoughts, that formed the entertainment of the night, during which she
-never once closed her eyes.
-
-But though she could neither sleep nor rest in her bed, yet, having no
-avocation from it, she was found there by her father at his return
-from Allworthy's, which was not till past ten o'clock in the morning.
-He went directly up to her apartment, opened the door, and seeing she
-was not up, cried, "Oh! you are safe then, and I am resolved to keep
-you so." He then locked the door, and delivered the key to Honour,
-having first given her the strictest charge, with great promises of
-rewards for her fidelity, and most dreadful menaces of punishment in
-case she should betray her trust.
-
-Honour's orders were, not to suffer her mistress to come out of her
-room without the authority of the squire himself, and to admit none to
-her but him and her aunt; but she was herself to attend her with
-whatever Sophia pleased, except only pen, ink, and paper, of which she
-was forbidden the use.
-
-The squire ordered his daughter to dress herself and attend him at
-dinner; which she obeyed; and having sat the usual time, was again
-conducted to her prison.
-
-In the evening the gaoler Honour brought her the letter which she
-received from the gamekeeper. Sophia read it very attentively twice or
-thrice over, and then threw herself upon the bed, and burst into a
-flood of tears. Mrs Honour expressed great astonishment at this
-behaviour in her mistress; nor could she forbear very eagerly begging
-to know the cause of this passion. Sophia made her no answer for some
-time, and then, starting suddenly up, caught her maid by the hand, and
-cried, "O Honour! I am undone." "Marry forbid," cries Honour: "I wish
-the letter had been burnt before I had brought it to your la'ship. I'm
-sure I thought it would have comforted your la'ship, or I would have
-seen it at the devil before I would have touched it." "Honour," says
-Sophia, "you are a good girl, and it is vain to attempt concealing
-longer my weakness from you; I have thrown away my heart on a man who
-hath forsaken me." "And is Mr Jones," answered the maid, "such a
-perfidy man?" "He hath taken his leave of me," says Sophia, "for ever
-in that letter. Nay, he hath desired me to forget him. Could he have
-desired that if he had loved me? Could he have borne such a thought?
-Could he have written such a word?" "No, certainly, ma'am," cries
-Honour; "and to be sure, if the best man in England was to desire me
-to forget him, I'd take him at his word. Marry, come up! I am sure
-your la'ship hath done him too much honour ever to think on him;--a
-young lady who may take her choice of all the young men in the
-country. And to be sure, if I may be so presumptuous as to offer my
-poor opinion, there is young Mr Blifil, who, besides that he is come
-of honest parents, and will be one of the greatest squires all
-hereabouts, he is to be sure, in my poor opinion, a more handsomer and
-a more politer man by half; and besides, he is a young gentleman of a
-sober character, and who may defy any of the neighbours to say black
-is his eye; he follows no dirty trollops, nor can any bastards be laid
-at his door. Forget him, indeed! I thank Heaven I myself am not so
-much at my last prayers as to suffer any man to bid me forget him
-twice. If the best he that wears a head was for to go for to offer to
-say such an affronting word to me, I would never give him my company
-afterwards, if there was another young man in the kingdom. And as I
-was a saying, to be sure, there is young Mr Blifil." "Name not his
-detested name," cries Sophia. "Nay, ma'am," says Honour, "if your
-la'ship doth not like him, there be more jolly handsome young men that
-would court your la'ship, if they had but the least encouragement. I
-don't believe there is arrow young gentleman in this county, or in the
-next to it, that if your la'ship was but to look as if you had a mind
-to him, would not come about to make his offers directly." "What a
-wretch dost thou imagine me," cries Sophia, "by affronting my ears
-with such stuff! I detest all mankind." "Nay, to be sure, ma'am,"
-answered Honour, "your la'ship hath had enough to give you a surfeit
-of them. To be used ill by such a poor, beggarly, bastardly
-fellow."--"Hold your blasphemous tongue," cries Sophia: "how dare you
-mention his name with disrespect before me? He use me ill? No, his
-poor bleeding heart suffered more when he writ the cruel words than
-mine from reading them. O! he is all heroic virtue and angelic
-goodness. I am ashamed of the weakness of my own passion, for blaming
-what I ought to admire. O, Honour! it is my good only which he
-consults. To my interest he sacrifices both himself and me. The
-apprehension of ruining me hath driven him to despair." "I am very
-glad," says Honour, "to hear your la'ship takes that into your
-consideration; for to be sure, it must be nothing less than ruin to
-give your mind to one that is turned out of doors, and is not worth a
-farthing in the world." "Turned out of doors!" cries Sophia hastily:
-"how! what dost thou mean?" "Why, to be sure, ma'am, my master no
-sooner told Squire Allworthy about Mr Jones having offered to make
-love to your la'ship than the squire stripped him stark naked, and
-turned him out of doors!" "Ha!" says Sophia, "I have been the cursed,
-wretched cause of his destruction! Turned naked out of doors! Here,
-Honour, take all the money I have; take the rings from my fingers.
-Here, my watch: carry him all. Go find him immediately." "For Heaven's
-sake, ma'am," answered Mrs Honour, "do but consider, if my master
-should miss any of these things, I should be made to answer for them.
-Therefore let me beg your la'ship not to part with your watch and
-jewels. Besides, the money, I think, is enough of all conscience; and
-as for that, my master can never know anything of the matter." "Here,
-then," cries Sophia, "take every farthing I am worth, find him out
-immediately, and give it him. Go, go, lose not a moment."
-
-Mrs Honour departed according to orders, and finding Black George
-below-stairs, delivered him the purse, which contained sixteen
-guineas, being, indeed, the whole stock of Sophia; for though her
-father was very liberal to her, she was much too generous to be rich.
-
-Black George having received the purse, set forward towards the
-alehouse; but in the way a thought occurred to him, whether he should
-not detain this money likewise. His conscience, however, immediately
-started at this suggestion, and began to upbraid him with ingratitude
-to his benefactor. To this his avarice answered, That his conscience
-should have considered the matter before, when he deprived poor Jones
-of his £500. That having quietly acquiesced in what was of so much
-greater importance, it was absurd, if not downright hypocrisy, to
-affect any qualms at this trifle. In return to which, Conscience, like
-a good lawyer, attempted to distinguish between an absolute breach of
-trust, as here, where the goods were delivered, and a bare concealment
-of what was found, as in the former case. Avarice presently treated
-this with ridicule, called it a distinction without a difference, and
-absolutely insisted that when once all pretensions of honour and
-virtue were given up in any one instance, that there was no precedent
-for resorting to them upon a second occasion. In short, poor
-Conscience had certainly been defeated in the argument, had not Fear
-stept in to her assistance, and very strenuously urged that the real
-distinction between the two actions, did not lie in the different
-degrees of honour but of safety: for that the secreting the £500 was a
-matter of very little hazard; whereas the detaining the sixteen
-guineas was liable to the utmost danger of discovery.
-
-By this friendly aid of Fear, Conscience obtained a compleat victory
-in the mind of Black George, and, after making him a few compliments
-on his honesty, forced him to deliver the money to Jones.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiv.
-
-A short chapter, containing a short dialogue between Squire Western
-and his sister.
-
-
-Mrs Western had been engaged abroad all that day. The squire met her
-at her return home; and when she enquired after Sophia, he acquainted
-her that he had secured her safe enough. "She is locked up in
-chamber," cries he, "and Honour keeps the key." As his looks were full
-of prodigious wisdom and sagacity when he gave his sister this
-information, it is probable he expected much applause from her for
-what he had done; but how was he disappointed when, with a most
-disdainful aspect, she cried, "Sure, brother, you are the weakest of
-all men. Why will you not confide in me for the management of my
-niece? Why will you interpose? You have now undone all that I have
-been spending my breath in order to bring about. While I have been
-endeavouring to fill her mind with maxims of prudence, you have been
-provoking her to reject them. English women, brother, I thank heaven,
-are no slaves. We are not to be locked up like the Spanish and Italian
-wives. We have as good a right to liberty as yourselves. We are to be
-convinced by reason and persuasion only, and not governed by force. I
-have seen the world, brother, and know what arguments to make use of;
-and if your folly had not prevented me, should have prevailed with her
-to form her conduct by those rules of prudence and discretion which I
-formerly taught her." "To be sure," said the squire, "I am always in
-the wrong." "Brother," answered the lady, "you are not in the wrong,
-unless when you meddle with matters beyond your knowledge. You must
-agree that I have seen most of the world; and happy had it been for my
-niece if she had not been taken from under my care. It is by living at
-home with you that she hath learnt romantic notions of love and
-nonsense." "You don't imagine, I hope," cries the squire, "that I have
-taught her any such things." "Your ignorance, brother," returned she,
-"as the great Milton says, almost subdues my patience."[*] "D--n
-Milton!" answered the squire: "if he had the impudence to say so to my
-face, I'd lend him a douse, thof he was never so great a man.
-Patience! An you come to that, sister, I have more occasion of
-patience, to be used like an overgrown schoolboy, as I am by you. Do
-you think no one hath any understanding, unless he hath been about at
-court. Pox! the world is come to a fine pass indeed, if we are all
-fools, except a parcel of round-heads and Hanover rats. Pox! I hope
-the times are a coming when we shall make fools of them, and every man
-shall enjoy his own. That's all, sister; and every man shall enjoy his
-own. I hope to zee it, sister, before the Hanover rats have eat up all
-our corn, and left us nothing but turneps to feed upon."--"I protest,
-brother," cries she, "you are now got beyond my understanding. Your
-jargon of turneps and Hanover rats is to me perfectly
-unintelligible."--"I believe," cries he, "you don't care to hear o'em;
-but the country interest may succeed one day or other for all
-that."--"I wish," answered the lady, "you would think a little of your
-daughter's interest; for, believe me, she is in greater danger than
-the nation."--"Just now," said he, "you chid me for thinking on her,
-and would ha' her left to you."--"And if you will promise to interpose
-no more," answered she, "I will, out of my regard to my niece,
-undertake the charge."--"Well, do then," said the squire, "for you
-know I always agreed, that women are the properest to manage women."
-
-  [*] The reader may, perhaps, subdue his own patience, if he searches
-  for this in Milton.]
-
-Mrs Western then departed, muttering something with an air of disdain,
-concerning women and management of the nation. She immediately
-repaired to Sophia's apartment, who was now, after a day's
-confinement, released again from her captivity.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK VII.
-
-CONTAINING THREE DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-A comparison between the world and the stage.
-
-
-The world hath been often compared to the theatre; and many grave
-writers, as well as the poets, have considered human life as a great
-drama, resembling, in almost every particular, those scenical
-representations which Thespis is first reported to have invented, and
-which have been since received with so much approbation and delight in
-all polite countries.
-
-This thought hath been carried so far, and is become so general, that
-some words proper to the theatre, and which were at first
-metaphorically applied to the world, are now indiscriminately and
-literally spoken of both; thus stage and scene are by common use grown
-as familiar to us, when we speak of life in general, as when we
-confine ourselves to dramatic performances: and when transactions
-behind the curtain are mentioned, St James's is more likely to occur
-to our thoughts than Drury-lane.
-
-It may seem easy enough to account for all this, by reflecting that
-the theatrical stage is nothing more than a representation, or, as
-Aristotle calls it, an imitation of what really exists; and hence,
-perhaps, we might fairly pay a very high compliment to those who by
-their writings or actions have been so capable of imitating life, as
-to have their pictures in a manner confounded with, or mistaken for,
-the originals.
-
-But, in reality, we are not so fond of paying compliments to these
-people, whom we use as children frequently do the instruments of their
-amusement; and have much more pleasure in hissing and buffeting them,
-than in admiring their excellence. There are many other reasons which
-have induced us to see this analogy between the world and the stage.
-
-Some have considered the larger part of mankind in the light of
-actors, as personating characters no more their own, and to which in
-fact they have no better title, than the player hath to be in earnest
-thought the king or emperor whom he represents. Thus the hypocrite may
-be said to be a player; and indeed the Greeks called them both by one
-and the same name.
-
-The brevity of life hath likewise given occasion to this comparison.
-So the immortal Shakespear--
-
-      --Life's a poor player,
-      That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
-      And then is heard no more.
-
-For which hackneyed quotation I will make the reader amends by a very
-noble one, which few, I believe, have read. It is taken from a poem
-called the Deity, published about nine years ago, and long since
-buried in oblivion; a proof that good books, no more than good men, do
-always survive the bad.
-
-      From Thee[*] all human actions take their springs,
-      The rise of empires and the fall of kings!
-      See the vast Theatre of Time display'd,
-      While o'er the scene succeeding heroes tread!
-      With pomp the shining images succeed,
-      What leaders triumph, and what monarchs bleed!
-      Perform the parts thy providence assign'd,
-      Their pride, their passions, to thy ends inclin'd:
-      Awhile they glitter in the face of day,
-      Then at thy nod the phantoms pass away;
-      No traces left of all the busy scene,
-      But that remembrance says--_The things have been!_
-
-  [*] The Deity.
-
-In all these, however, and in every other similitude of life to the
-theatre, the resemblance hath been always taken from the stage only.
-None, as I remember, have at all considered the audience at this great
-drama.
-
-But as Nature often exhibits some of her best performances to a very
-full house, so will the behaviour of her spectators no less admit the
-above-mentioned comparison than that of her actors. In this vast
-theatre of time are seated the friend and the critic; here are claps
-and shouts, hisses and groans; in short, everything which was ever
-seen or heard at the Theatre-Royal.
-
-Let us examine this in one example; for instance, in the behaviour of
-the great audience on that scene which Nature was pleased to exhibit
-in the twelfth chapter of the preceding book, where she introduced
-Black George running away with the £500 from his friend and
-benefactor.
-
-Those who sat in the world's upper gallery treated that incident, I am
-well convinced, with their usual vociferation; and every term of
-scurrilous reproach was most probably vented on that occasion.
-
-If we had descended to the next order of spectators, we should have
-found an equal degree of abhorrence, though less of noise and
-scurrility; yet here the good women gave Black George to the devil,
-and many of them expected every minute that the cloven-footed
-gentleman would fetch his own.
-
-The pit, as usual, was no doubt divided; those who delight in heroic
-virtue and perfect character objected to the producing such instances
-of villany, without punishing them very severely for the sake of
-example. Some of the author's friends cryed, "Look'e, gentlemen, the
-man is a villain, but it is nature for all that." And all the young
-critics of the age, the clerks, apprentices, &c., called it low, and
-fell a groaning.
-
-As for the boxes, they behaved with their accustomed politeness. Most
-of them were attending to something else. Some of those few who
-regarded the scene at all, declared he was a bad kind of man; while
-others refused to give their opinion, till they had heard that of the
-best judges.
-
-Now we, who are admitted behind the scenes of this great theatre of
-Nature (and no author ought to write anything besides dictionaries and
-spelling-books who hath not this privilege), can censure the action,
-without conceiving any absolute detestation of the person, whom
-perhaps Nature may not have designed to act an ill part in all her
-dramas; for in this instance life most exactly resembles the stage,
-since it is often the same person who represents the villain and the
-heroe; and he who engages your admiration to-day will probably attract
-your contempt to-morrow. As Garrick, whom I regard in tragedy to be
-the greatest genius the world hath ever produced, sometimes
-condescends to play the fool; so did Scipio the Great, and Laelius the
-Wise, according to Horace, many years ago; nay, Cicero reports them to
-have been "incredibly childish." These, it is true, played the fool,
-like my friend Garrick, in jest only; but several eminent characters
-have, in numberless instances of their lives, played the fool
-egregiously in earnest; so far as to render it a matter of some doubt
-whether their wisdom or folly was predominant; or whether they were
-better intitled to the applause or censure, the admiration or
-contempt, the love or hatred, of mankind.
-
-Those persons, indeed, who have passed any time behind the scenes of
-this great theatre, and are thoroughly acquainted not only with the
-several disguises which are there put on, but also with the fantastic
-and capricious behaviour of the Passions, who are the managers and
-directors of this theatre (for as to Reason, the patentee, he is known
-to be a very idle fellow and seldom to exert himself), may most
-probably have learned to understand the famous _nil admirari_ of
-Horace, or in the English phrase, to stare at nothing.
-
-A single bad act no more constitutes a villain in life, than a single
-bad part on the stage. The passions, like the managers of a playhouse,
-often force men upon parts without consulting their judgment, and
-sometimes without any regard to their talents. Thus the man, as well
-as the player, may condemn what he himself acts; nay, it is common to
-see vice sit as awkwardly on some men, as the character of Iago would
-on the honest face of Mr William Mills.
-
-Upon the whole, then, the man of candour and of true understanding is
-never hasty to condemn. He can censure an imperfection, or even a
-vice, without rage against the guilty party. In a word, they are the
-same folly, the same childishness, the same ill-breeding, and the same
-ill-nature, which raise all the clamours and uproars both in life and
-on the stage. The worst of men generally have the words rogue and
-villain most in their mouths, as the lowest of all wretches are the
-aptest to cry out low in the pit.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Containing a conversation which Mr Jones had with himself.
-
-
-Jones received his effects from Mr Allworthy's early in the morning,
-with the following answer to his letter:--
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "I am commanded by my uncle to acquaint you, that as he did not
-  proceed to those measures he had taken with you, without the
-  greatest deliberation, and after the fullest evidence of your
-  unworthiness, so will it be always out of your power to cause the
-  least alteration in his resolution. He expresses great surprize at
-  your presumption in saying you have resigned all pretensions to a
-  young lady, to whom it is impossible you should ever have had any,
-  her birth and fortune having made her so infinitely your superior.
-  Lastly, I am commanded to tell you, that the only instance of your
-  compliance with my uncle's inclinations which he requires, is, your
-  immediately quitting this country. I cannot conclude this without
-  offering you my advice, as a Christian, that you would seriously
-  think of amending your life. That you may be assisted with grace so
-  to do, will be always the prayer of
-
-  "Your humble servant,
-
-  "W. BLIFIL."
-
-Many contending passions were raised in our heroe's mind by this
-letter; but the tender prevailed at last over the indignant and
-irascible, and a flood of tears came seasonably to his assistance, and
-possibly prevented his misfortunes from either turning his head, or
-bursting his heart.
-
-He grew, however, soon ashamed of indulging this remedy; and starting
-up, he cried, "Well, then, I will give Mr Allworthy the only instance
-he requires of my obedience. I will go this moment--but whither?--why,
-let Fortune direct; since there is no other who thinks it of any
-consequence what becomes of this wretched person, it shall be a matter
-of equal indifference to myself. Shall I alone regard what no
-other--Ha! have I not reason to think there is another?--one whose
-value is above that of the whole world!--I may, I must imagine my
-Sophia is not indifferent to what becomes of me. Shall I then leave
-this only friend--and such a friend? Shall I not stay with
-her?--Where--how can I stay with her? Have I any hopes of ever seeing
-her, though she was as desirous as myself, without exposing her to the
-wrath of her father, and to what purpose? Can I think of soliciting
-such a creature to consent to her own ruin? Shall I indulge any
-passion of mine at such a price? Shall I lurk about this country like
-a thief, with such intentions?--No, I disdain, I detest the thought.
-Farewel, Sophia; farewel, most lovely, most beloved--" Here passion
-stopped his mouth, and found a vent at his eyes.
-
-And now having taken a resolution to leave the country, he began to
-debate with himself whither he should go. The world, as Milton phrases
-it, lay all before him; and Jones, no more than Adam, had any man to
-whom he might resort for comfort or assistance. All his acquaintance
-were the acquaintance of Mr Allworthy; and he had no reason to expect
-any countenance from them, as that gentleman had withdrawn his favour
-from him. Men of great and good characters should indeed be very
-cautious how they discard their dependents; for the consequence to the
-unhappy sufferer is being discarded by all others.
-
-What course of life to pursue, or to what business to apply himself,
-was a second consideration: and here the prospect was all a melancholy
-void. Every profession, and every trade, required length of time, and
-what was worse, money; for matters are so constituted, that "nothing
-out of nothing" is not a truer maxim in physics than in politics; and
-every man who is greatly destitute of money, is on that account
-entirely excluded from all means of acquiring it.
-
-At last the Ocean, that hospitable friend to the wretched, opened her
-capacious arms to receive him; and he instantly resolved to accept her
-kind invitation. To express myself less figuratively, he determined to
-go to sea.
-
-This thought indeed no sooner suggested itself, than he eagerly
-embraced it; and having presently hired horses, he set out for Bristol
-to put it in execution.
-
-But before we attend him on this expedition, we shall resort awhile to
-Mr Western's, and see what further happened to the charming Sophia.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Containing several dialogues.
-
-
-The morning in which Mr Jones departed, Mrs Western summoned Sophia
-into her apartment; and having first acquainted her that she had
-obtained her liberty of her father, she proceeded to read her a long
-lecture on the subject of matrimony; which she treated not as a
-romantic scheme of happiness arising from love, as it hath been
-described by the poets; nor did she mention any of those purposes for
-which we are taught by divines to regard it as instituted by sacred
-authority; she considered it rather as a fund in which prudent women
-deposit their fortunes to the best advantage, in order to receive a
-larger interest for them than they could have elsewhere.
-
-When Mrs Western had finished, Sophia answered, "That she was very
-incapable of arguing with a lady of her aunt's superior knowledge and
-experience, especially on a subject which she had so very little
-considered, as this of matrimony."
-
-"Argue with me, child!" replied the other; "I do not indeed expect it.
-I should have seen the world to very little purpose truly, if I am to
-argue with one of your years. I have taken this trouble, in order to
-instruct you. The antient philosophers, such as Socrates, Alcibiades,
-and others, did not use to argue with their scholars. You are to
-consider me, child, as Socrates, not asking your opinion, but only
-informing you of mine." From which last words the reader may possibly
-imagine, that this lady had read no more of the philosophy of
-Socrates, than she had of that of Alcibiades; and indeed we cannot
-resolve his curiosity as to this point.
-
-"Madam," cries Sophia, "I have never presumed to controvert any
-opinion of yours; and this subject, as I said, I have never yet
-thought of, and perhaps never may."
-
-"Indeed, Sophy," replied the aunt, "this dissimulation with me is very
-foolish. The French shall as soon persuade me that they take foreign
-towns in defence only of their own country, as you can impose on me to
-believe you have never yet thought seriously of matrimony. How can
-you, child, affect to deny that you have considered of contracting an
-alliance, when you so well know I am acquainted with the party with
-whom you desire to contract it?--an alliance as unnatural, and
-contrary to your interest, as a separate league with the French would
-be to the interest of the Dutch! But however, if you have not hitherto
-considered of this matter, I promise you it is now high time, for my
-brother is resolved immediately to conclude the treaty with Mr Blifil;
-and indeed I am a sort of guarantee in the affair, and have promised
-your concurrence."
-
-"Indeed, madam," cries Sophia, "this is the only instance in which I
-must disobey both yourself and my father. For this is a match which
-requires very little consideration in me to refuse."
-
-"If I was not as great a philosopher as Socrates himself," returned
-Mrs Western, "you would overcome my patience. What objection can you
-have to the young gentleman?"
-
-"A very solid objection, in my opinion," says Sophia--"I hate him."
-
-"Will you never learn a proper use of words?" answered the aunt.
-"Indeed, child, you should consult Bailey's Dictionary. It is
-impossible you should hate a man from whom you have received no
-injury. By hatred, therefore, you mean no more than dislike, which is
-no sufficient objection against your marrying of him. I have known
-many couples, who have entirely disliked each other, lead very
-comfortable genteel lives. Believe me, child, I know these things
-better than you. You will allow me, I think, to have seen the world,
-in which I have not an acquaintance who would not rather be thought to
-dislike her husband than to like him. The contrary is such
-out-of-fashion romantic nonsense, that the very imagination of it is
-shocking."
-
-"Indeed, madam," replied Sophia, "I shall never marry a man I dislike.
-If I promise my father never to consent to any marriage contrary to
-his inclinations, I think I may hope he will never force me into that
-state contrary to my own."
-
-"Inclinations!" cries the aunt, with some warmth. "Inclinations! I am
-astonished at your assurance. A young woman of your age, and
-unmarried, to talk of inclinations! But whatever your inclinations may
-be, my brother is resolved; nay, since you talk of inclinations, I
-shall advise him to hasten the treaty. Inclinations!"
-
-Sophia then flung herself upon her knees, and tears began to trickle
-from her shining eyes. She entreated her aunt, "to have mercy upon
-her, and not to resent so cruelly her unwillingness to make herself
-miserable;" often urging, "that she alone was concerned, and that her
-happiness only was at stake."
-
-As a bailiff, when well authorized by his writ, having possessed
-himself of the person of some unhappy debtor, views all his tears
-without concern; in vain the wretched captive attempts to raise
-compassion; in vain the tender wife bereft of her companion, the
-little prattling boy, or frighted girl, are mentioned as inducements
-to reluctance. The noble bumtrap, blind and deaf to every circumstance
-of distress, greatly rises above all the motives to humanity, and into
-the hands of the gaoler resolves to deliver his miserable prey.
-
-Not less blind to the tears, or less deaf to every entreaty of Sophia
-was the politic aunt, nor less determined was she to deliver over the
-trembling maid into the arms of the gaoler Blifil. She answered with
-great impetuosity, "So far, madam, from your being concerned alone,
-your concern is the least, or surely the least important. It is the
-honour of your family which is concerned in this alliance; you are
-only the instrument. Do you conceive, mistress, that in an
-intermarriage between kingdoms, as when a daughter of France is
-married into Spain, the princess herself is alone considered in the
-match? No! it is a match between two kingdoms, rather than between two
-persons. The same happens in great families such as ours. The alliance
-between the families is the principal matter. You ought to have a
-greater regard for the honour of your family than for your own person;
-and if the example of a princess cannot inspire you with these noble
-thoughts, you cannot surely complain at being used no worse than all
-princesses are used."
-
-"I hope, madam," cries Sophia, with a little elevation of voice, "I
-shall never do anything to dishonour my family; but as for Mr Blifil,
-whatever may be the consequence, I am resolved against him, and no
-force shall prevail in his favour."
-
-Western, who had been within hearing during the greater part of the
-preceding dialogue, had now exhausted all his patience; he therefore
-entered the room in a violent passion, crying, "D--n me then if
-shatunt ha'un, d--n me if shatunt, that's all--that's all; d--n me if
-shatunt."
-
-Mrs Western had collected a sufficient quantity of wrath for the use
-of Sophia; but she now transferred it all to the squire. "Brother,"
-said she, "it is astonishing that you will interfere in a matter
-which you had totally left to my negotiation. Regard to my family
-hath made me take upon myself to be the mediating power, in order to
-rectify those mistakes in policy which you have committed in your
-daughter's education. For, brother, it is you--it is your
-preposterous conduct which hath eradicated all the seeds that I had
-formerly sown in her tender mind. It is you yourself who have taught
-her disobedience."--"Blood!" cries the squire, foaming at the mouth,
-"you are enough to conquer the patience of the devil! Have I ever
-taught my daughter disobedience?--Here she stands; speak honestly,
-girl, did ever I bid you be disobedient to me? Have not I done
-everything to humour and to gratify you, and to make you obedient to
-me? And very obedient to me she was when a little child, before you
-took her in hand and spoiled her, by filling her head with a pack of
-court notions. Why--why--why--did I not overhear you telling her she
-must behave like a princess? You have made a Whig of the girl; and how
-should her father, or anybody else, expect any obedience from
-her?"--"Brother," answered Mrs Western, with an air of great disdain,
-"I cannot express the contempt I have for your politics of all kinds;
-but I will appeal likewise to the young lady herself, whether I have
-ever taught her any principles of disobedience. On the contrary,
-niece, have I not endeavoured to inspire you with a true idea of the
-several relations in which a human creature stands in society? Have I
-not taken infinite pains to show you, that the law of nature hath
-enjoined a duty on children to their parents? Have I not told you what
-Plato says on that subject?--a subject on which you was so notoriously
-ignorant when you came first under my care, that I verily believe you
-did not know the relation between a daughter and a father."--"'Tis a
-lie," answered Western. "The girl is no such fool, as to live to
-eleven years old without knowing that she was her father's
-relation."--"O! more than Gothic ignorance," answered the lady. "And
-as for your manners, brother, I must tell you, they deserve a
-cane."--"Why then you may gi' it me, if you think you are able," cries
-the squire; "nay, I suppose your niece there will be ready enough to
-help you."--"Brother," said Mrs Western, "though I despise you beyond
-expression, yet I shall endure your insolence no longer; so I desire
-my coach may be got ready immediately, for I am resolved to leave your
-house this very morning."--"And a good riddance too," answered he; "I
-can bear your insolence no longer, an you come to that. Blood! it is
-almost enough of itself to make my daughter undervalue my sense, when
-she hears you telling me every minute you despise me."--"It is
-impossible, it is impossible," cries the aunt; "no one can undervalue
-such a boor."--"Boar," answered the squire, "I am no boar; no, nor
-ass; no, nor rat neither, madam. Remember that--I am no rat. I am a
-true Englishman, and not of your Hanover breed, that have eat up the
-nation."--"Thou art one of those wise men," cries she, "whose
-nonsensical principles have undone the nation; by weakening the hands
-of our government at home, and by discouraging our friends and
-encouraging our enemies abroad."--"Ho! are you come back to your
-politics?" cries the squire: "as for those I despise them as much as I
-do a f--t." Which last words he accompanied and graced with the very
-action, which, of all others, was the most proper to it. And whether
-it was this word or the contempt exprest for her politics, which most
-affected Mrs Western, I will not determine; but she flew into the most
-violent rage, uttered phrases improper to be here related, and
-instantly burst out of the house. Nor did her brother or her niece
-think proper either to stop or to follow her; for the one was so much
-possessed by concern, and the other by anger, that they were rendered
-almost motionless.
-
-The squire, however, sent after his sister the same holloa which
-attends the departure of a hare, when she is first started before the
-hounds. He was indeed a great master of this kind of vociferation, and
-had a holla proper for most occasions in life.
-
-Women who, like Mrs Western, know the world, and have applied
-themselves to philosophy and politics, would have immediately availed
-themselves of the present disposition of Mr Western's mind, by
-throwing in a few artful compliments to his understanding at the
-expense of his absent adversary; but poor Sophia was all simplicity.
-By which word we do not intend to insinuate to the reader, that she
-was silly, which is generally understood as a synonymous term with
-simple; for she was indeed a most sensible girl, and her understanding
-was of the first rate; but she wanted all that useful art which
-females convert to so many good purposes in life, and which, as it
-rather arises from the heart than from the head, is often the property
-of the silliest of women.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-A picture of a country gentlewoman taken from the life.
-
-
-Mr Western having finished his holla, and taken a little breath, began
-to lament, in very pathetic terms, the unfortunate condition of men,
-who are, says he, "always whipt in by the humours of some d--n'd b--
-or other. I think I was hard run enough by your mother for one man;
-but after giving her a dodge, here's another b-- follows me upon the
-foil; but curse my jacket if I will be run down in this manner by any
-o'um."
-
-Sophia never had a single dispute with her father, till this unlucky
-affair of Blifil, on any account, except in defence of her mother,
-whom she had loved most tenderly, though she lost her in the eleventh
-year of her age. The squire, to whom that poor woman had been a
-faithful upper-servant all the time of their marriage, had returned
-that behaviour by making what the world calls a good husband. He very
-seldom swore at her (perhaps not above once a week) and never beat
-her; she had not the least occasion for jealousy, and was perfect
-mistress of her time; for she was never interrupted by her husband,
-who was engaged all the morning in his field exercises, and all the
-evening with bottle companions. She scarce indeed ever saw him but at
-meals; where she had the pleasure of carving those dishes which she
-had before attended at the dressing. From these meals she retired
-about five minutes after the other servants, having only stayed to
-drink "the king over the water." Such were, it seems, Mr Western's
-orders; for it was a maxim with him, that women should come in with
-the first dish, and go out after the first glass. Obedience to these
-orders was perhaps no difficult task; for the conversation (if it may
-be called so) was seldom such as could entertain a lady. It consisted
-chiefly of hallowing, singing, relations of sporting adventures,
-b--d--y, and abuse of women, and of the government.
-
-These, however, were the only seasons when Mr Western saw his wife;
-for when he repaired to her bed, he was generally so drunk that he
-could not see; and in the sporting season he always rose from her
-before it was light. Thus was she perfect mistress of her time, and
-had besides a coach and four usually at her command; though unhappily,
-indeed, the badness of the neighbourhood, and of the roads, made this
-of little use; for none who had set much value on their necks would
-have passed through the one, or who had set any value on their hours,
-would have visited the other. Now to deal honestly with the reader,
-she did not make all the return expected to so much indulgence; for
-she had been married against her will by a fond father, the match
-having been rather advantageous on her side; for the squire's estate
-was upward of £3000 a year, and her fortune no more than a bare £8000.
-Hence perhaps she had contracted a little gloominess of temper, for
-she was rather a good servant than a good wife; nor had she always the
-gratitude to return the extraordinary degree of roaring mirth, with
-which the squire received her, even with a good-humoured smile. She
-would, moreover, sometimes interfere with matters which did not
-concern her, as the violent drinking of her husband, which in the
-gentlest terms she would take some of the few opportunities he gave
-her of remonstrating against. And once in her life she very earnestly
-entreated him to carry her for two months to London, which he
-peremptorily denied; nay, was angry with his wife for the request ever
-after, being well assured that all the husbands in London are
-cuckolds.
-
-For this last, and many other good reasons, Western at length heartily
-hated his wife; and as he never concealed this hatred before her
-death, so he never forgot it afterwards; but when anything in the
-least soured him, as a bad scenting day, or a distemper among his
-hounds, or any other such misfortune, he constantly vented his spleen
-by invectives against the deceased, saying, "If my wife was alive now,
-she would be glad of this."
-
-These invectives he was especially desirous of throwing forth before
-Sophia; for as he loved her more than he did any other, so he was
-really jealous that she had loved her mother better than him. And this
-jealousy Sophia seldom failed of heightening on these occasions; for
-he was not contented with violating her ears with the abuse of her
-mother, but endeavoured to force an explicit approbation of all this
-abuse; with which desire he never could prevail upon her by any
-promise or threats to comply.
-
-Hence some of my readers will, perhaps, wonder that the squire had not
-hated Sophia as much as he had hated her mother; but I must inform
-them, that hatred is not the effect of love, even through the medium
-of jealousy. It is, indeed, very possible for jealous persons to kill
-the objects of their jealousy, but not to hate them. Which sentiment
-being a pretty hard morsel, and bearing something of the air of a
-paradox, we shall leave the reader to chew the cud upon it to the end
-of the chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-The generous behaviour of Sophia towards her aunt.
-
-
-Sophia kept silence during the foregoing speech of her father, nor did
-she once answer otherwise than with a sigh; but as he understood none
-of the language, or, as he called it, lingo of the eyes, so he was not
-satisfied without some further approbation of his sentiments, which he
-now demanded of his daughter; telling her, in the usual way, "he
-expected she was ready to take the part of everybody against him, as
-she had always done that of the b-- her mother." Sophia remaining
-still silent, he cryed out, "What, art dumb? why dost unt speak? Was
-not thy mother a d--d b-- to me? answer me that. What, I suppose you
-despise your father too, and don't think him good enough to speak to?"
-
-"For Heaven's sake, sir," answered Sophia, "do not give so cruel a
-turn to my silence. I am sure I would sooner die than be guilty of any
-disrespect towards you; but how can I venture to speak, when every
-word must either offend my dear papa, or convict me of the blackest
-ingratitude as well as impiety to the memory of the best of mothers;
-for such, I am certain, my mamma was always to me?"
-
-"And your aunt, I suppose, is the best of sisters too!" replied the
-squire. "Will you be so kind as to allow that she is a b--? I may
-fairly insist upon that, I think?"
-
-"Indeed, sir," says Sophia, "I have great obligations to my aunt. She
-hath been a second mother to me."
-
-"And a second wife to me too," returned Western; "so you will take her
-part too! You won't confess that she hath acted the part of the vilest
-sister in the world?"
-
-"Upon my word, sir," cries Sophia, "I must belie my heart wickedly if
-I did. I know my aunt and you differ very much in your ways of
-thinking; but I have heard her a thousand times express the greatest
-affection for you; and I am convinced, so far from her being the worst
-sister in the world, there are very few who love a brother better."
-
-"The English of all which is," answered the squire, "that I am in the
-wrong. Ay, certainly. Ay, to be sure the woman is in the right, and
-the man in the wrong always."
-
-"Pardon me, sir," cries Sophia. "I do not say so."
-
-"What don't you say?" answered the father: "you have the impudence to
-say she's in the right: doth it not follow then of course that I am in
-the wrong? And perhaps I am in the wrong to suffer such a Presbyterian
-Hanoverian b-- to come into my house. She may 'dite me of a plot for
-anything I know, and give my estate to the government."
-
-"So far, sir, from injuring you or your estate," says Sophia, "if my
-aunt had died yesterday, I am convinced she would have left you her
-whole fortune."
-
-Whether Sophia intended it or no, I shall not presume to assert; but
-certain it is, these last words penetrated very deep into the ears of
-her father, and produced a much more sensible effect than all she had
-said before. He received the sound with much the same action as a man
-receives a bullet in his head. He started, staggered, and turned pale.
-After which he remained silent above a minute, and then began in the
-following hesitating manner: "Yesterday! she would have left me her
-esteate yesterday! would she? Why yesterday, of all the days in the
-year? I suppose if she dies to-morrow, she will leave it to somebody
-else, and perhaps out of the vamily."--"My aunt, sir," cries Sophia,
-"hath very violent passions, and I can't answer what she may do under
-their influence."
-
-"You can't!" returned the father: "and pray who hath been the occasion
-of putting her into those violent passions? Nay, who hath actually put
-her into them? Was not you and she hard at it before I came into the
-room? Besides, was not all our quarrel about you? I have not
-quarrelled with sister this many years but upon your account; and now
-you would throw the whole blame upon me, as thof I should be the
-occasion of her leaving the esteate out o' the vamily. I could have
-expected no better indeed; this is like the return you make to all the
-rest of my fondness."
-
-"I beseech you then," cries Sophia, "upon my knees I beseech you, if I
-have been the unhappy occasion of this difference, that you will
-endeavour to make it up with my aunt, and not suffer her to leave your
-house in this violent rage of anger: she is a very good-natured woman,
-and a few civil words will satisfy her. Let me entreat you, sir."
-
-"So I must go and ask pardon for your fault, must I?" answered
-Western. "You have lost the hare, and I must draw every way to find
-her again? Indeed, if I was certain"--Here he stopt, and Sophia
-throwing in more entreaties, at length prevailed upon him; so that
-after venting two or three bitter sarcastical expressions against his
-daughter, he departed as fast as he could to recover his sister,
-before her equipage could be gotten ready.
-
-Sophia then returned to her chamber of mourning, where she indulged
-herself (if the phrase may be allowed me) in all the luxury of tender
-grief. She read over more than once the letter which she had received
-from Jones; her muff too was used on this occasion; and she bathed
-both these, as well as herself, with her tears. In this situation the
-friendly Mrs Honour exerted her utmost abilities to comfort her
-afflicted mistress. She ran over the names of many young gentlemen:
-and having greatly commended their parts and persons, assured Sophia
-that she might take her choice of any. These methods must have
-certainly been used with some success in disorders of the like kind,
-or so skilful a practitioner as Mrs Honour would never have ventured
-to apply them; nay, I have heard that the college of chambermaids hold
-them to be as sovereign remedies as any in the female dispensary; but
-whether it was that Sophia's disease differed inwardly from those
-cases with which it agreed in external symptoms, I will not assert;
-but, in fact, the good waiting-woman did more harm than good, and at
-last so incensed her mistress (which was no easy matter) that with an
-angry voice she dismissed her from her presence.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Containing great variety of matter.
-
-
-The squire overtook his sister just as she was stepping into the
-coach, and partly by force, and partly by solicitations, prevailed
-upon her to order her horses back into their quarters. He succeeded in
-this attempt without much difficulty; for the lady was, as we have
-already hinted, of a most placable disposition, and greatly loved her
-brother, though she despised his parts, or rather his little knowledge
-of the world.
-
-Poor Sophia, who had first set on foot this reconciliation, was now
-made the sacrifice to it. They both concurred in their censures on her
-conduct; jointly declared war against her, and directly proceeded to
-counsel, how to carry it on in the most vigorous manner. For this
-purpose, Mrs Western proposed not only an immediate conclusion of the
-treaty with Allworthy, but as immediately to carry it into execution;
-saying, "That there was no other way to succeed with her niece, but by
-violent methods, which she was convinced Sophia had not sufficient
-resolution to resist. By violent," says she, "I mean rather, hasty
-measures; for as to confinement or absolute force, no such things must
-or can be attempted. Our plan must be concerted for a surprize, and
-not for a storm."
-
-These matters were resolved on, when Mr Blifil came to pay a visit to
-his mistress. The squire no sooner heard of his arrival, than he stept
-aside, by his sister's advice, to give his daughter orders for the
-proper reception of her lover: which he did with the most bitter
-execrations and denunciations of judgment on her refusal.
-
-The impetuosity of the squire bore down all before him; and Sophia, as
-her aunt very wisely foresaw, was not able to resist him. She agreed,
-therefore, to see Blifil, though she had scarce spirits or strength
-sufficient to utter her assent. Indeed, to give a peremptory denial to
-a father whom she so tenderly loved, was no easy task. Had this
-circumstance been out of the case, much less resolution than what she
-was really mistress of, would, perhaps, have served her; but it is no
-unusual thing to ascribe those actions entirely to fear, which are in
-a great measure produced by love.
-
-In pursuance, therefore, of her father's peremptory command, Sophia
-now admitted Mr Blifil's visit. Scenes like this, when painted at
-large, afford, as we have observed, very little entertainment to the
-reader. Here, therefore, we shall strictly adhere to a rule of Horace;
-by which writers are directed to pass over all those matters which
-they despair of placing in a shining light;--a rule, we conceive, of
-excellent use as well to the historian as to the poet; and which, if
-followed, must at least have this good effect, that many a great evil
-(for so all great books are called) would thus be reduced to a small
-one.
-
-It is possible the great art used by Blifil at this interview would
-have prevailed on Sophia to have made another man in his circumstances
-her confident, and to have revealed the whole secret of her heart to
-him; but she had contracted so ill an opinion of this young gentleman,
-that she was resolved to place no confidence in him; for simplicity,
-when set on its guard, is often a match for cunning. Her behaviour to
-him, therefore, was entirely forced, and indeed such as is generally
-prescribed to virgins upon the second formal visit from one who is
-appointed for their husband.
-
-But though Blifil declared himself to the squire perfectly satisfied
-with his reception; yet that gentleman, who, in company with his
-sister, had overheard all, was not so well pleased. He resolved, in
-pursuance of the advice of the sage lady, to push matters as forward
-as possible; and addressing himself to his intended son-in-law in the
-hunting phrase, he cried, after a loud holla, "Follow her, boy, follow
-her; run in, run in; that's it, honeys. Dead, dead, dead. Never be
-bashful, nor stand shall I, shall I? Allworthy and I can finish all
-matters between us this afternoon, and let us ha' the wedding
-to-morrow."
-
-Blifil having conveyed the utmost satisfaction into his countenance,
-answered, "As there is nothing, sir, in this world which I so eagerly
-desire as an alliance with your family, except my union with the most
-amiable and deserving Sophia, you may easily imagine how impatient I
-must be to see myself in possession of my two highest wishes. If I
-have not therefore importuned you on this head, you will impute it
-only to my fear of offending the lady, by endeavouring to hurry on so
-blessed an event faster than a strict compliance with all the rules of
-decency and decorum will permit. But if, by your interest, sir, she
-might be induced to dispense with any formalities--"
-
-"Formalities! with a pox!" answered the squire. "Pooh, all stuff and
-nonsense! I tell thee, she shall ha' thee to-morrow: you will know the
-world better hereafter, when you come to my age. Women never gi' their
-consent, man, if they can help it, 'tis not the fashion. If I had
-stayed for her mother's consent, I might have been a batchelor to this
-day.--To her, to her, co to her, that's it, you jolly dog. I tell thee
-shat ha' her to-morrow morning."
-
-Blifil suffered himself to be overpowered by the forcible rhetoric of
-the squire; and it being agreed that Western should close with
-Allworthy that very afternoon, the lover departed home, having first
-earnestly begged that no violence might be offered to the lady by this
-haste, in the same manner as a popish inquisitor begs the lay power to
-do no violence to the heretic delivered over to it, and against whom
-the church hath passed sentence.
-
-And, to say the truth, Blifil had passed sentence against Sophia; for,
-however pleased he had declared himself to Western with his reception,
-he was by no means satisfied, unless it was that he was convinced of
-the hatred and scorn of his mistress: and this had produced no less
-reciprocal hatred and scorn in him. It may, perhaps, be asked, Why
-then did he not put an immediate end to all further courtship? I
-answer, for that very reason, as well as for several others equally
-good, which we shall now proceed to open to the reader.
-
-Though Mr Blifil was not of the complexion of Jones, nor ready to eat
-every woman he saw; yet he was far from being destitute of that
-appetite which is said to be the common property of all animals. With
-this, he had likewise that distinguishing taste, which serves to
-direct men in their choice of the object or food of their several
-appetites; and this taught him to consider Sophia as a most delicious
-morsel, indeed to regard her with the same desires which an ortolan
-inspires into the soul of an epicure. Now the agonies which affected
-the mind of Sophia, rather augmented than impaired her beauty; for her
-tears added brightness to her eyes, and her breasts rose higher with
-her sighs. Indeed, no one hath seen beauty in its highest lustre who
-hath never seen it in distress. Blifil therefore looked on this human
-ortolan with greater desire than when he viewed her last; nor was his
-desire at all lessened by the aversion which he discovered in her to
-himself. On the contrary, this served rather to heighten the pleasure
-he proposed in rifling her charms, as it added triumph to lust; nay,
-he had some further views, from obtaining the absolute possession of
-her person, which we detest too much even to mention; and revenge
-itself was not without its share in the gratifications which he
-promised himself. The rivalling poor Jones, and supplanting him in her
-affections, added another spur to his pursuit, and promised another
-additional rapture to his enjoyment.
-
-Besides all these views, which to some scrupulous persons may seem to
-savour too much of malevolence, he had one prospect, which few readers
-will regard with any great abhorrence. And this was the estate of Mr
-Western; which was all to be settled on his daughter and her issue;
-for so extravagant was the affection of that fond parent, that,
-provided his child would but consent to be miserable with the husband
-he chose, he cared not at what price he purchased him.
-
-For these reasons Mr Blifil was so desirous of the match that he
-intended to deceive Sophia, by pretending love to her; and to deceive
-her father and his own uncle, by pretending he was beloved by her. In
-doing this he availed himself of the piety of Thwackum, who held, that
-if the end proposed was religious (as surely matrimony is), it
-mattered not how wicked were the means. As to other occasions, he used
-to apply the philosophy of Square, which taught, that the end was
-immaterial, so that the means were fair and consistent with moral
-rectitude. To say truth, there were few occurrences in life on which
-he could not draw advantage from the precepts of one or other of those
-great masters.
-
-Little deceit was indeed necessary to be practised on Mr Western; who
-thought the inclinations of his daughter of as little consequence as
-Blifil himself conceived them to be; but as the sentiments of Mr
-Allworthy were of a very different kind, so it was absolutely
-necessary to impose on him. In this, however, Blifil was so well
-assisted by Western, that he succeeded without difficulty; for as Mr
-Allworthy had been assured by her father that Sophia had a proper
-affection for Blifil, and that all which he had suspected concerning
-Jones was entirely false, Blifil had nothing more to do than to
-confirm these assertions; which he did with such equivocations, that
-he preserved a salvo for his conscience; and had the satisfaction of
-conveying a lie to his uncle, without the guilt of telling one. When
-he was examined touching the inclinations of Sophia by Allworthy, who
-said, "He would on no account be accessary to forcing a young lady
-into a marriage contrary to her own will;" he answered, "That the real
-sentiments of young ladies were very difficult to be understood; that
-her behaviour to him was full as forward as he wished it, and that if
-he could believe her father, she had all the affection for him which
-any lover could desire. As for Jones," said he, "whom I am loth to
-call villain, though his behaviour to you, sir, sufficiently justifies
-the appellation, his own vanity, or perhaps some wicked views, might
-make him boast of a falsehood; for if there had been any reality in
-Miss Western's love to him, the greatness of her fortune would never
-have suffered him to desert her, as you are well informed he hath.
-Lastly, sir, I promise you I would not myself, for any consideration,
-no, not for the whole world, consent to marry this young lady, if I
-was not persuaded she had all the passion for me which I desire she
-should have."
-
-This excellent method of conveying a falsehood with the heart only,
-without making the tongue guilty of an untruth, by the means of
-equivocation and imposture, hath quieted the conscience of many a
-notable deceiver; and yet, when we consider that it is Omniscience on
-which these endeavour to impose, it may possibly seem capable of
-affording only a very superficial comfort; and that this artful and
-refined distinction between communicating a lie, and telling one, is
-hardly worth the pains it costs them.
-
-Allworthy was pretty well satisfied with what Mr Western and Mr Blifil
-told him: and the treaty was now, at the end of two days, concluded.
-Nothing then remained previous to the office of the priest, but the
-office of the lawyers, which threatened to take up so much time, that
-Western offered to bind himself by all manner of covenants, rather
-than defer the happiness of the young couple. Indeed, he was so very
-earnest and pressing, that an indifferent person might have concluded
-he was more a principal in this match than he really was; but this
-eagerness was natural to him on all occasions: and he conducted every
-scheme he undertook in such a manner, as if the success of that alone
-was sufficient to constitute the whole happiness of his life.
-
-The joint importunities of both father and son-in-law would probably
-have prevailed on Mr Allworthy, who brooked but ill any delay of
-giving happiness to others, had not Sophia herself prevented it, and
-taken measures to put a final end to the whole treaty, and to rob both
-church and law of those taxes which these wise bodies have thought
-proper to receive from the propagation of the human species in a
-lawful manner. Of which in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-A strange resolution of Sophia, and a more strange stratagem of Mrs
-Honour.
-
-
-Though Mrs Honour was principally attached to her own interest, she
-was not without some little attachment to Sophia. To say truth, it was
-very difficult for any one to know that young lady without loving her.
-She no sooner therefore heard a piece of news, which she imagined to
-be of great importance to her mistress, than, quite forgetting the
-anger which she had conceived two days before, at her unpleasant
-dismission from Sophia's presence, she ran hastily to inform her of
-the news.
-
-The beginning of her discourse was as abrupt as her entrance into the
-room. "O dear ma'am!" says she, "what doth your la'ship think? To be
-sure I am frightened out of my wits; and yet I thought it my duty to
-tell your la'ship, though perhaps it may make you angry, for we
-servants don't always know what will make our ladies angry; for, to be
-sure, everything is always laid to the charge of a servant. When our
-ladies are out of humour, to be sure we must be scolded; and to be
-sure I should not wonder if your la'ship should be out of humour; nay,
-it must surprize you certainly, ay, and shock you too."--"Good Honour,
-let me know it without any longer preface," says Sophia; "there are
-few things, I promise you, which will surprize, and fewer which will
-shock me."--"Dear ma'am," answered Honour, "to be sure, I overheard my
-master talking to parson Supple about getting a licence this very
-afternoon; and to be sure I heard him say, your la'ship should be
-married to-morrow morning." Sophia turned pale at these words, and
-repeated eagerly, "To-morrow morning!"--"Yes, ma'am," replied the
-trusty waiting-woman, "I will take my oath I heard my master say
-so."--"Honour," says Sophia, "you have both surprized and shocked me
-to such a degree that I have scarce any breath or spirits left. What
-is to be done in my dreadful situation?"--"I wish I was able to advise
-your la'ship," says she. "Do advise me," cries Sophia; "pray, dear
-Honour, advise me. Think what you would attempt if it was your own
-case."--"Indeed, ma'am," cries Honour, "I wish your la'ship and I
-could change situations; that is, I mean without hurting your la'ship;
-for to be sure I don't wish you so bad as to be a servant; but because
-that if so be it was my case, I should find no manner of difficulty in
-it; for, in my poor opinion, young Squire Blifil is a charming, sweet,
-handsome man."--"Don't mention such stuff," cries Sophia. "Such
-stuff!" repeated Honour; "why, there. Well, to be sure, what's one
-man's meat is another man's poison, and the same is altogether as true
-of women."--"Honour," says Sophia, "rather than submit to be the wife
-of that contemptible wretch, I would plunge a dagger into my
-heart."--"O lud! ma'am!" answered the other, "I am sure you frighten
-me out of my wits now. Let me beseech your la'ship not to suffer such
-wicked thoughts to come into your head. O lud! to be sure I tremble
-every inch of me. Dear ma'am, consider, that to be denied Christian
-burial, and to have your corpse buried in the highway, and a stake
-drove through you, as farmer Halfpenny was served at Ox Cross; and, to
-be sure, his ghost hath walked there ever since, for several people
-have seen him. To be sure it can be nothing but the devil which can
-put such wicked thoughts into the head of anybody; for certainly it is
-less wicked to hurt all the world than one's own dear self; and so I
-have heard said by more parsons than one. If your la'ship hath such a
-violent aversion, and hates the young gentleman so very bad, that you
-can't bear to think of going into bed to him; for to be sure there may
-be such antipathies in nature, and one had lieverer touch a toad than
-the flesh of some people."--
-
-Sophia had been too much wrapt in contemplation to pay any great
-attention to the foregoing excellent discourse of her maid;
-interrupting her therefore, without making any answer to it, she said,
-"Honour, I am come to a resolution. I am determined to leave my
-father's house this very night; and if you have the friendship for me
-which you have often professed, you will keep me company."--"That I
-will, ma'am, to the world's end," answered Honour; "but I beg your
-la'ship to consider the consequence before you undertake any rash
-action. Where can your la'ship possibly go?"--"There is," replied
-Sophia, "a lady of quality in London, a relation of mine, who spent
-several months with my aunt in the country; during all which time she
-treated me with great kindness, and expressed so much pleasure in my
-company, that she earnestly desired my aunt to suffer me to go with
-her to London. As she is a woman of very great note, I shall easily
-find her out, and I make no doubt of being very well and kindly
-received by her."--"I would not have your la'ship too confident of
-that," cries Honour; "for the first lady I lived with used to invite
-people very earnestly to her house; but if she heard afterwards they
-were coming, she used to get out of the way. Besides, though this lady
-would be very glad to see your la'ship, as to be sure anybody would be
-glad to see your la'ship, yet when she hears your la'ship is run away
-from my master--" "You are mistaken, Honour," says Sophia: "she looks
-upon the authority of a father in a much lower light than I do; for
-she pressed me violently to go to London with her, and when I refused
-to go without my father's consent, she laughed me to scorn, called me
-silly country girl, and said, I should make a pure loving wife, since
-I could be so dutiful a daughter. So I have no doubt but she will both
-receive me and protect me too, till my father, finding me out of his
-power, can be brought to some reason."
-
-"Well, but, ma'am," answered Honour, "how doth your la'ship think of
-making your escape? Where will you get any horses or conveyance? For
-as for your own horse, as all the servants know a little how matters
-stand between my master and your la'ship, Robin will be hanged before
-he will suffer it to go out of the stable without my master's express
-orders." "I intend to escape," said Sophia, "by walking out of the
-doors when they are open. I thank Heaven my legs are very able to
-carry me. They have supported me many a long evening"--"Yes, to be
-sure," cries Honour, "I will follow your la'ship through the world;
-but your la'ship had almost as good be alone: for I should not be able
-to defend you, if any robbers, or other villains, should meet with
-you. Nay, I should be in as horrible a fright as your la'ship; for to
-be certain, they would ravish us both. Besides, ma'am, consider how
-cold the nights are now; we shall be frozen to death."--"A good brisk
-pace," answered Sophia, "will preserve us from the cold; and if you
-cannot defend me from a villain, Honour, I will defend you; for I will
-take a pistol with me. There are two always charged in the
-hall."--"Dear ma'am, you frighten me more and more," cries Honour:
-"sure your la'ship would not venture to fire it off! I had rather run
-any chance than your la'ship should do that."--"Why so?" says Sophia,
-smiling; "would not you, Honour, fire a pistol at any one who should
-attack your virtue?"--"To be sure, ma'am," cries Honour, "one's virtue
-is a dear thing, especially to us poor servants; for it is our
-livelihood, as a body may say: yet I mortally hate fire-arms; for so
-many accidents happen by them."--"Well, well," says Sophia, "I believe
-I may ensure your virtue at a very cheap rate, without carrying any
-arms with us; for I intend to take horses at the very first town we
-come to, and we shall hardly be attacked in our way thither. Look'ee,
-Honour, I am resolved to go; and if you will attend me, I promise you
-I will reward you to the very utmost of my power."
-
-This last argument had a stronger effect on Honour than all the
-preceding. And since she saw her mistress so determined, she desisted
-from any further dissuasions. They then entered into a debate on ways
-and means of executing their project. Here a very stubborn difficulty
-occurred, and this was the removal of their effects, which was much
-more easily got over by the mistress than by the maid; for when a lady
-hath once taken a resolution to run to a lover, or to run from him,
-all obstacles are considered as trifles. But Honour was inspired by no
-such motive; she had no raptures to expect, nor any terrors to shun;
-and besides the real value of her clothes, in which consisted a great
-part of her fortune, she had a capricious fondness for several gowns,
-and other things; either because they became her, or because they were
-given her by such a particular person; because she had bought them
-lately, or because she had had them long; or for some other reasons
-equally good; so that she could not endure the thoughts of leaving the
-poor things behind her exposed to the mercy of Western, who, she
-doubted not, would in his rage make them suffer martyrdom.
-
-The ingenious Mrs Honour having applied all her oratory to dissuade
-her mistress from her purpose, when she found her positively
-determined, at last started the following expedient to remove her
-clothes, viz., to get herself turned out of doors that very evening.
-Sophia highly approved this method, but doubted how it might be
-brought about. "O, ma'am," cries Honour, "your la'ship may trust that
-to me; we servants very well know how to obtain this favour of our
-masters and mistresses; though sometimes, indeed, where they owe us
-more wages than they can readily pay, they will put up with all our
-affronts, and will hardly take any warning we can give them; but the
-squire is none of those; and since your la'ship is resolved upon
-setting out to-night, I warrant I get discharged this afternoon." It
-was then resolved that she should pack up some linen and a night-gown
-for Sophia, with her own things; and as for all her other clothes, the
-young lady abandoned them with no more remorse than the sailor feels
-when he throws over the goods of others, in order to save his own
-life.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Containing scenes of altercation, of no very uncommon kind.
-
-
-Mrs Honour had scarce sooner parted from her young lady, than
-something (for I would not, like the old woman in Quevedo, injure the
-devil by any false accusation, and possibly he might have no hand in
-it)--but something, I say, suggested itself to her, that by
-sacrificing Sophia and all her secrets to Mr Western, she might
-probably make her fortune. Many considerations urged this discovery.
-The fair prospect of a handsome reward for so great and acceptable a
-service to the squire, tempted her avarice; and again, the danger of
-the enterprize she had undertaken; the uncertainty of its success;
-night, cold, robbers, ravishers, all alarmed her fears. So forcibly
-did all these operate upon her, that she was almost determined to go
-directly to the squire, and to lay open the whole affair. She was,
-however, too upright a judge to decree on one side, before she had
-heard the other. And here, first, a journey to London appeared very
-strongly in support of Sophia. She eagerly longed to see a place in
-which she fancied charms short only of those which a raptured saint
-imagines in heaven. In the next place, as she knew Sophia to have much
-more generosity than her master, so her fidelity promised her a
-greater reward than she could gain by treachery. She then
-cross-examined all the articles which had raised her fears on the
-other side, and found, on fairly sifting the matter, that there was
-very little in them. And now both scales being reduced to a pretty
-even balance, her love to her mistress being thrown into the scale of
-her integrity, made that rather preponderate, when a circumstance
-struck upon her imagination which might have had a dangerous effect,
-had its whole weight been fairly put into the other scale. This was
-the length of time which must intervene before Sophia would be able to
-fulfil her promises; for though she was intitled to her mother's
-fortune at the death of her father, and to the sum of £3000 left her
-by an uncle when she came of age; yet these were distant days, and
-many accidents might prevent the intended generosity of the young
-lady; whereas the rewards she might expect from Mr Western were
-immediate. But while she was pursuing this thought the good genius of
-Sophia, or that which presided over the integrity of Mrs Honour, or
-perhaps mere chance, sent an accident in her way, which at once
-preserved her fidelity, and even facilitated the intended business.
-
-Mrs Western's maid claimed great superiority over Mrs Honour on
-several accounts. First, her birth was higher; for her great-grandmother
-by the mother's side was a cousin, not far removed, to an Irish peer.
-Secondly, her wages were greater. And lastly, she had been at London,
-and had of consequence seen more of the world. She had always behaved,
-therefore, to Mrs Honour with that reserve, and had always exacted of
-her those marks of distinction, which every order of females preserves
-and requires in conversation with those of an inferior order. Now as
-Honour did not at all times agree with this doctrine, but would
-frequently break in upon the respect which the other demanded, Mrs
-Western's maid was not at all pleased with her company; indeed, she
-earnestly longed to return home to the house of her mistress, where
-she domineered at will over all the other servants. She had been
-greatly, therefore, disappointed in the morning, when Mrs Western had
-changed her mind on the very point of departure; and had been in what
-is vulgarly called a glouting humour ever since.
-
-In this humour, which was none of the sweetest, she came into the room
-where Honour was debating with herself in the manner we have above
-related. Honour no sooner saw her, than she addressed her in the
-following obliging phrase: "Soh, madam, I find we are to have the
-pleasure of your company longer, which I was afraid the quarrel
-between my master and your lady would have robbed us of."--"I don't
-know, madam," answered the other, "what you mean by we and us. I
-assure you I do not look on any of the servants in this house to be
-proper company for me. I am company, I hope, for their betters every
-day in the week. I do not speak on your account, Mrs Honour; for you
-are a civilized young woman; and when you have seen a little more of
-the world, I should not be ashamed to walk with you in St James's
-Park."--"Hoity toity!" cries Honour, "madam is in her airs, I protest.
-Mrs Honour, forsooth! sure, madam, you might call me by my sir-name;
-for though my lady calls me Honour, I have a sir-name as well as other
-folks. Ashamed to walk with me, quotha! marry, as good as yourself, I
-hope."--"Since you make such a return to my civility," said the other,
-"I must acquaint you, Mrs Honour, that you are not so good as me. In
-the country, indeed, one is obliged to take up with all kind of
-trumpery; but in town I visit none but the women of women of quality.
-Indeed, Mrs Honour, there is some difference, I hope, between you and
-me."--"I hope so too," answered Honour: "there is some difference in
-our ages, and--I think in our persons." Upon speaking which last
-words, she strutted by Mrs Western's maid with the most provoking air
-of contempt; turning up her nose, tossing her head, and violently
-brushing the hoop of her competitor with her own. The other lady put
-on one of her most malicious sneers, and said, "Creature! you are
-below my anger; and it is beneath me to give ill words to such an
-audacious saucy trollop; but, hussy, I must tell you, your breeding
-shows the meanness of your birth as well as of your education; and
-both very properly qualify you to be the mean serving-woman of a
-country girl."--"Don't abuse my lady," cries Honour: "I won't take
-that of you; she's as much better than yours as she is younger, and
-ten thousand times more handsomer."
-
-Here ill luck, or rather good luck, sent Mrs Western to see her maid
-in tears, which began to flow plentifully at her approach; and of
-which being asked the reason by her mistress, she presently acquainted
-her that her tears were occasioned by the rude treatment of that
-creature there--meaning Honour. "And, madam," continued she, "I could
-have despised all she said to me; but she hath had the audacity to
-affront your ladyship, and to call you ugly--Yes, madam, she called
-you ugly old cat to my face. I could not bear to hear your ladyship
-called ugly."--"Why do you repeat her impudence so often?" said Mrs
-Western. And then turning to Mrs Honour, she asked her "How she had
-the assurance to mention her name with disrespect?"--"Disrespect,
-madam!" answered Honour; "I never mentioned your name at all: I said
-somebody was not as handsome as my mistress, and to be sure you know
-that as well as I."--"Hussy," replied the lady, "I will make such a
-saucy trollop as yourself know that I am not a proper subject of your
-discourse. And if my brother doth not discharge you this moment, I
-will never sleep in his house again. I will find him out, and have you
-discharged this moment."--"Discharged!" cries Honour; "and suppose I
-am: there are more places in the world than one. Thank Heaven, good
-servants need not want places; and if you turn away all who do not
-think you handsome, you will want servants very soon; let me tell you
-that."
-
-Mrs Western spoke, or rather thundered, in answer; but as she was
-hardly articulate, we cannot be very certain of the identical words;
-we shall therefore omit inserting a speech which at best would not
-greatly redound to her honour. She then departed in search of her
-brother, with a countenance so full of rage, that she resembled one of
-the furies rather than a human creature.
-
-The two chambermaids being again left alone, began a second bout at
-altercation, which soon produced a combat of a more active kind. In
-this the victory belonged to the lady of inferior rank, but not
-without some loss of blood, of hair, and of lawn and muslin.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-The wise demeanour of Mr Western in the character of a magistrate. A
-hint to justices of peace, concerning the necessary qualifications of
-a clerk; with extraordinary instances of paternal madness and filial
-affection.
-
-
-Logicians sometimes prove too much by an argument, and politicians
-often overreach themselves in a scheme. Thus had it like to have
-happened to Mrs Honour, who, instead of recovering the rest of her
-clothes, had like to have stopped even those she had on her back from
-escaping; for the squire no sooner heard of her having abused his
-sister, than he swore twenty oaths he would send her to Bridewell.
-
-Mrs Western was a very good-natured woman, and ordinarily of a
-forgiving temper. She had lately remitted the trespass of a
-stage-coachman, who had overturned her post-chaise into a ditch; nay,
-she had even broken the law, in refusing to prosecute a highwayman who
-had robbed her, not only of a sum of money, but of her ear-rings; at
-the same time d--ning her, and saying, "Such handsome b--s as you
-don't want jewels to set them off, and be d--n'd to you." But now, so
-uncertain are our tempers, and so much do we at different times differ
-from ourselves, she would hear of no mitigation; nor could all the
-affected penitence of Honour, nor all the entreaties of Sophia for her
-own servant, prevail with her to desist from earnestly desiring her
-brother to execute justiceship (for it was indeed a syllable more than
-justice) on the wench.
-
-But luckily the clerk had a qualification, which no clerk to a justice
-of peace ought ever to be without, namely, some understanding in the
-law of this realm. He therefore whispered in the ear of the justice
-that he would exceed his authority by committing the girl to
-Bridewell, as there had been no attempt to break the peace; "for I am
-afraid, sir," says he, "you cannot legally commit any one to Bridewell
-only for ill-breeding."
-
-In matters of high importance, particularly in cases relating to the
-game, the justice was not always attentive to these admonitions of his
-clerk; for, indeed, in executing the laws under that head, many
-justices of peace suppose they have a large discretionary power, by
-virtue of which, under the notion of searching for and taking away
-engines for the destruction of the game, they often commit trespasses,
-and sometimes felony, at their pleasure.
-
-But this offence was not of quite so high a nature, nor so dangerous
-to the society. Here, therefore, the justice behaved with some
-attention to the advice of his clerk; for, in fact, he had already had
-two informations exhibited against him in the King's Bench, and had no
-curiosity to try a third.
-
-The squire, therefore, putting on a most wise and significant
-countenance, after a preface of several hums and hahs, told his
-sister, that upon more mature deliberation, he was of opinion, that
-"as there was no breaking up of the peace, such as the law," says he,
-"calls breaking open a door, or breaking a hedge, or breaking a head,
-or any such sort of breaking, the matter did not amount to a felonious
-kind of a thing, nor trespasses, nor damages, and, therefore, there
-was no punishment in the law for it."
-
-Mrs Western said, "she knew the law much better; that she had known
-servants very severely punished for affronting their masters;" and
-then named a certain justice of the peace in London, "who," she said,
-"would commit a servant to Bridewell at any time when a master or
-mistress desired it."
-
-"Like enough," cries the squire; "it may be so in London; but the law
-is different in the country." Here followed a very learned dispute
-between the brother and sister concerning the law, which we would
-insert, if we imagined many of our readers could understand it. This
-was, however, at length referred by both parties to the clerk, who
-decided it in favour of the magistrate; and Mrs Western was, in the
-end, obliged to content herself with the satisfaction of having Honour
-turned away; to which Sophia herself very readily and cheerfully
-consented.
-
-Thus Fortune, after having diverted herself, according to custom, with
-two or three frolicks, at last disposed all matters to the advantage
-of our heroine; who indeed succeeded admirably well in her deceit,
-considering it was the first she had ever practised. And, to say the
-truth, I have often concluded, that the honest part of mankind would
-be much too hard for the knavish, if they could bring themselves to
-incur the guilt, or thought it worth their while to take the trouble.
-
-Honour acted her part to the utmost perfection. She no sooner saw
-herself secure from all danger of Bridewell, a word which had raised
-most horrible ideas in her mind, than she resumed those airs which her
-terrors before had a little abated; and laid down her place, with as
-much affectation of content, and indeed of contempt, as was ever
-practised at the resignation of places of much greater importance. If
-the reader pleases, therefore, we chuse rather to say she
-resigned--which hath, indeed, been always held a synonymous expression
-with being turned out, or turned away.
-
-Mr Western ordered her to be very expeditious in packing; for his
-sister declared she would not sleep another night under the same roof
-with so impudent a slut. To work therefore she went, and that so
-earnestly, that everything was ready early in the evening; when,
-having received her wages, away packed bag and baggage, to the great
-satisfaction of every one, but of none more than of Sophia; who,
-having appointed her maid to meet her at a certain place not far from
-the house, exactly at the dreadful and ghostly hour of twelve, began
-to prepare for her own departure.
-
-But first she was obliged to give two painful audiences, the one to
-her aunt, and the other to her father. In these Mrs Western herself
-began to talk to her in a more peremptory stile than before: but her
-father treated her in so violent and outrageous a manner, that he
-frightened her into an affected compliance with his will; which so
-highly pleased the good squire, that he changed his frowns into
-smiles, and his menaces into promises: he vowed his whole soul was
-wrapt in hers; that her consent (for so he construed the words, "You
-know, sir, I must not, nor can, refuse to obey any absolute command of
-yours") had made him the happiest of mankind. He then gave her a large
-bank-bill to dispose of in any trinkets she pleased, and kissed and
-embraced her in the fondest manner, while tears of joy trickled from
-those eyes which a few moments before had darted fire and rage against
-the dear object of all his affection.
-
-Instances of this behaviour in parents are so common, that the reader,
-I doubt not, will be very little astonished at the whole conduct of Mr
-Western. If he should, I own I am not able to account for it; since
-that he loved his daughter most tenderly, is, I think, beyond dispute.
-So indeed have many others, who have rendered their children most
-completely miserable by the same conduct; which, though it is almost
-universal in parents, hath always appeared to me to be the most
-unaccountable of all the absurdities which ever entered into the brain
-of that strange prodigious creature man.
-
-The latter part of Mr Western's behaviour had so strong an effect on
-the tender heart of Sophia, that it suggested a thought to her, which
-not all the sophistry of her politic aunt, nor all the menaces of her
-father, had ever once brought into her head. She reverenced her father
-so piously, and loved him so passionately, that she had scarce ever
-felt more pleasing sensations, than what arose from the share she
-frequently had of contributing to his amusement, and sometimes,
-perhaps, to higher gratifications; for he never could contain the
-delight of hearing her commended, which he had the satisfaction of
-hearing almost every day of her life. The idea, therefore, of the
-immense happiness she should convey to her father by her consent to
-this match, made a strong impression on her mind. Again, the extreme
-piety of such an act of obedience worked very forcibly, as she had a
-very deep sense of religion. Lastly, when she reflected how much she
-herself was to suffer, being indeed to become little less than a
-sacrifice, or a martyr, to filial love and duty, she felt an agreeable
-tickling in a certain little passion, which though it bears no
-immediate affinity either to religion or virtue, is often so kind as
-to lend great assistance in executing the purposes of both.
-
-Sophia was charmed with the contemplation of so heroic an action, and
-began to compliment herself with much premature flattery, when Cupid,
-who lay hid in her muff, suddenly crept out, and like Punchinello in a
-puppet-show, kicked all out before him. In truth (for we scorn to
-deceive our reader, or to vindicate the character of our heroine by
-ascribing her actions to supernatural impulse) the thoughts of her
-beloved Jones, and some hopes (however distant) in which he was very
-particularly concerned, immediately destroyed all which filial love,
-piety, and pride had, with their joint endeavours, been labouring to
-bring about.
-
-But before we proceed any farther with Sophia, we must now look back
-to Mr Jones.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-Containing several matters, natural enough perhaps, but low.
-
-
-The reader will be pleased to remember, that we left Mr Jones, in the
-beginning of this book, on his road to Bristol; being determined to
-seek his fortune at sea, or rather, indeed, to fly away from his
-fortune on shore.
-
-It happened (a thing not very unusual), that the guide who undertook
-to conduct him on his way, was unluckily unacquainted with the road;
-so that having missed his right track, and being ashamed to ask
-information, he rambled about backwards and forwards till night came
-on, and it began to grow dark. Jones suspecting what had happened,
-acquainted the guide with his apprehensions; but he insisted on it,
-that they were in the right road, and added, it would be very strange
-if he should not know the road to Bristol; though, in reality, it
-would have been much stranger if he had known it, having never past
-through it in his life before.
-
-Jones had not such implicit faith in his guide, but that on their
-arrival at a village he inquired of the first fellow he saw, whether
-they were in the road to Bristol. "Whence did you come?" cries the
-fellow. "No matter," says Jones, a little hastily; "I want to know if
-this be the road to Bristol?"--"The road to Bristol!" cries the
-fellow, scratching his head: "why, measter, I believe you will hardly
-get to Bristol this way to-night."--"Prithee, friend, then," answered
-Jones, "do tell us which is the way."--"Why, measter," cries the
-fellow, "you must be come out of your road the Lord knows whither; for
-thick way goeth to Glocester."--"Well, and which way goes to Bristol?"
-said Jones. "Why, you be going away from Bristol," answered the
-fellow. "Then," said Jones, "we must go back again?"--"Ay, you must,"
-said the fellow. "Well, and when we come back to the top of the hill,
-which way must we take?"--"Why, you must keep the strait road."--"But
-I remember there are two roads, one to the right and the other to the
-left."--"Why, you must keep the right-hand road, and then gu strait
-vorwards; only remember to turn vurst to your right, and then to your
-left again, and then to your right, and that brings you to the
-squire's; and then you must keep strait vorwards, and turn to the
-left."
-
-Another fellow now came up, and asked which way the gentlemen were
-going; of which being informed by Jones, he first scratched his head,
-and then leaning upon a pole he had in his hand, began to tell him,
-"That he must keep the right-hand road for about a mile, or a mile and
-a half, or such a matter, and then he must turn short to the left,
-which would bring him round by Measter Jin Bearnes's."--"But which is
-Mr John Bearnes's?" says Jones. "O Lord!" cries the fellow, "why,
-don't you know Measter Jin Bearnes? Whence then did you come?"
-
-These two fellows had almost conquered the patience of Jones, when a
-plain well-looking man (who was indeed a Quaker) accosted him thus:
-"Friend, I perceive thou hast lost thy way; and if thou wilt take my
-advice, thou wilt not attempt to find it to-night. It is almost dark,
-and the road is difficult to hit; besides, there have been several
-robberies committed lately between this and Bristol. Here is a very
-creditable good house just by, where thou may'st find good
-entertainment for thyself and thy cattle till morning." Jones, after a
-little persuasion, agreed to stay in this place till the morning, and
-was conducted by his friend to the public-house.
-
-The landlord, who was a very civil fellow, told Jones, "He hoped he
-would excuse the badness of his accommodation; for that his wife was
-gone from home, and had locked up almost everything, and carried the
-keys along with her." Indeed the fact was, that a favourite daughter
-of hers was just married, and gone that morning home with her husband;
-and that she and her mother together had almost stript the poor man of
-all his goods, as well as money; for though he had several children,
-this daughter only, who was the mother's favourite, was the object of
-her consideration; and to the humour of this one child she would with
-pleasure have sacrificed all the rest, and her husband into the
-bargain.
-
-Though Jones was very unfit for any kind of company, and would have
-preferred being alone, yet he could not resist the importunities of
-the honest Quaker; who was the more desirous of sitting with him, from
-having remarked the melancholy which appeared both in his countenance
-and behaviour; and which the poor Quaker thought his conversation
-might in some measure relieve.
-
-After they had past some time together, in such a manner that my
-honest friend might have thought himself at one of his silent
-meetings, the Quaker began to be moved by some spirit or other,
-probably that of curiosity, and said, "Friend, I perceive some sad
-disaster hath befallen thee; but pray be of comfort. Perhaps thou hast
-lost a friend. If so, thou must consider we are all mortal. And why
-shouldst thou grieve, when thou knowest thy grief will do thy friend
-no good? We are all born to affliction. I myself have my sorrows as
-well as thee, and most probably greater sorrows. Though I have a clear
-estate of £100 a year, which is as much as I want, and I have a
-conscience, I thank the Lord, void of offence; my constitution is
-sound and strong, and there is no man can demand a debt of me, nor
-accuse me of an injury; yet, friend, I should be concerned to think
-thee as miserable as myself."
-
-Here the Quaker ended with a deep sigh; and Jones presently answered,
-"I am very sorry, sir, for your unhappiness, whatever is the occasion
-of it."--"Ah! friend," replied the Quaker, "one only daughter is the
-occasion; one who was my greatest delight upon earth, and who within
-this week is run away from me, and is married against my consent. I
-had provided her a proper match, a sober man and one of substance; but
-she, forsooth, would chuse for herself, and away she is gone with a
-young fellow not worth a groat. If she had been dead, as I suppose thy
-friend is, I should have been happy."--"That is very strange, sir,"
-said Jones. "Why, would it not be better for her to be dead, than to
-be a beggar?" replied the Quaker: "for, as I told you, the fellow is
-not worth a groat; and surely she cannot expect that I shall ever give
-her a shilling. No, as she hath married for love, let her live on love
-if she can; let her carry her love to market, and see whether any one
-will change it into silver, or even into halfpence."--"You know your
-own concerns best, sir," said Jones. "It must have been," continued
-the Quaker, "a long premeditated scheme to cheat me: for they have
-known one another from their infancy; and I always preached to her
-against love, and told her a thousand times over it was all folly and
-wickedness. Nay, the cunning slut pretended to hearken to me, and to
-despise all wantonness of the flesh; and yet at last broke out at a
-window two pair of stairs: for I began, indeed, a little to suspect
-her, and had locked her up carefully, intending the very next morning
-to have married her up to my liking. But she disappointed me within a
-few hours, and escaped away to the lover of her own chusing; who lost
-no time, for they were married and bedded and all within an hour. But
-it shall be the worst hour's work for them both that ever they did;
-for they may starve, or beg, or steal together, for me. I will never
-give either of them a farthing." Here Jones starting up cried, "I
-really must be excused: I wish you would leave me."--"Come, come,
-friend," said the Quaker, "don't give way to concern. You see there
-are other people miserable besides yourself."--"I see there are
-madmen, and fools, and villains in the world," cries Jones. "But let
-me give you a piece of advice: send for your daughter and son-in-law
-home, and don't be yourself the only cause of misery to one you
-pretend to love."--"Send for her and her husband home!" cries the
-Quaker loudly; "I would sooner send for the two greatest enemies I
-have in the world!"--"Well, go home yourself, or where you please,"
-said Jones, "for I will sit no longer in such company."--"Nay,
-friend," answered the Quaker, "I scorn to impose my company on any
-one." He then offered to pull money from his pocket, but Jones pushed
-him with some violence out of the room.
-
-The subject of the Quaker's discourse had so deeply affected Jones,
-that he stared very wildly all the time he was speaking. This the
-Quaker had observed, and this, added to the rest of his behaviour,
-inspired honest Broadbrim with a conceit, that his companion was in
-reality out of his senses. Instead of resenting the affront,
-therefore, the Quaker was moved with compassion for his unhappy
-circumstances; and having communicated his opinion to the landlord, he
-desired him to take great care of his guest, and to treat him with the
-highest civility.
-
-"Indeed," says the landlord, "I shall use no such civility towards
-him; for it seems, for all his laced waistcoat there, he is no more a
-gentleman than myself, but a poor parish bastard, bred up at a great
-squire's about thirty miles off, and now turned out of doors (not for
-any good to be sure). I shall get him out of my house as soon as
-possible. If I do lose my reckoning, the first loss is always the
-best. It is not above a year ago that I lost a silver spoon."
-
-"What dost thou talk of a parish bastard, Robin?" answered the Quaker.
-"Thou must certainly be mistaken in thy man."
-
-"Not at all," replied Robin; "the guide, who knows him very well, told
-it me." For, indeed, the guide had no sooner taken his place at the
-kitchen fire, than he acquainted the whole company with all he knew or
-had ever heard concerning Jones.
-
-The Quaker was no sooner assured by this fellow of the birth and low
-fortune of Jones, than all compassion for him vanished; and the honest
-plain man went home fired with no less indignation than a duke would
-have felt at receiving an affront from such a person.
-
-The landlord himself conceived an equal disdain for his guest; so that
-when Jones rung the bell in order to retire to bed, he was acquainted
-that he could have no bed there. Besides disdain of the mean condition
-of his guest, Robin entertained violent suspicion of his intentions,
-which were, he supposed, to watch some favourable opportunity of
-robbing the house. In reality, he might have been very well eased of
-these apprehensions, by the prudent precautions of his wife and
-daughter, who had already removed everything which was not fixed to
-the freehold; but he was by nature suspicious, and had been more
-particularly so since the loss of his spoon. In short, the dread of
-being robbed totally absorbed the comfortable consideration that he
-had nothing to lose.
-
-Jones being assured that he could have no bed, very contentedly betook
-himself to a great chair made with rushes, when sleep, which had
-lately shunned his company in much better apartments, generously paid
-him a visit in his humble cell.
-
-As for the landlord, he was prevented by his fears from retiring to
-rest. He returned therefore to the kitchen fire, whence he could
-survey the only door which opened into the parlour, or rather hole,
-where Jones was seated; and as for the window to that room, it was
-impossible for any creature larger than a cat to have made his escape
-through it.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-The adventure of a company of soldiers.
-
-
-The landlord having taken his seat directly opposite to the door of
-the parlour, determined to keep guard there the whole night. The guide
-and another fellow remained long on duty with him, though they neither
-knew his suspicions, nor had any of their own. The true cause of their
-watching did, indeed, at length, put an end to it; for this was no
-other than the strength and goodness of the beer, of which having
-tippled a very large quantity, they grew at first very noisy and
-vociferous, and afterwards fell both asleep.
-
-But it was not in the power of liquor to compose the fears of Robin.
-He continued still waking in his chair, with his eyes fixed stedfastly
-on the door which led into the apartment of Mr Jones, till a violent
-thundering at his outward gate called him from his seat, and obliged
-him to open it; which he had no sooner done, than his kitchen was
-immediately full of gentlemen in red coats, who all rushed upon him in
-as tumultuous a manner as if they intended to take his little castle
-by storm.
-
-The landlord was now forced from his post to furnish his numerous
-guests with beer, which they called for with great eagerness; and upon
-his second or third return from the cellar, he saw Mr Jones standing
-before the fire in the midst of the soldiers; for it may easily be
-believed, that the arrival of so much good company should put an end
-to any sleep, unless that from which we are to be awakened only by the
-last trumpet.
-
-The company having now pretty well satisfied their thirst, nothing
-remained but to pay the reckoning, a circumstance often productive of
-much mischief and discontent among the inferior rank of gentry, who
-are apt to find great difficulty in assessing the sum, with exact
-regard to distributive justice, which directs that every man shall pay
-according to the quantity which he drinks. This difficulty occurred
-upon the present occasion; and it was the greater, as some gentlemen
-had, in their extreme hurry, marched off, after their first draught,
-and had entirely forgot to contribute anything towards the said
-reckoning.
-
-A violent dispute now arose, in which every word may be said to have
-been deposed upon oath; for the oaths were at least equal to all the
-other words spoken. In this controversy the whole company spoke
-together, and every man seemed wholly bent to extenuate the sum which
-fell to his share; so that the most probable conclusion which could be
-foreseen was, that a large portion of the reckoning would fall to the
-landlord's share to pay, or (what is much the same thing) would remain
-unpaid.
-
-All this while Mr Jones was engaged in conversation with the serjeant;
-for that officer was entirely unconcerned in the present dispute,
-being privileged by immemorial custom from all contribution.
-
-The dispute now grew so very warm that it seemed to draw towards a
-military decision, when Jones, stepping forward, silenced all their
-clamours at once, by declaring that he would pay the whole reckoning,
-which indeed amounted to no more than three shillings and fourpence.
-
-This declaration procured Jones the thanks and applause of the whole
-company. The terms honourable, noble, and worthy gentleman, resounded
-through the room; nay, my landlord himself began to have a better
-opinion of him, and almost to disbelieve the account which the guide
-had given.
-
-The serjeant had informed Mr Jones that they were marching against the
-rebels, and expected to be commanded by the glorious Duke of
-Cumberland. By which the reader may perceive (a circumstance which we
-have not thought necessary to communicate before) that this was the
-very time when the late rebellion was at the highest; and indeed the
-banditti were now marched into England, intending, as it was thought,
-to fight the king's forces, and to attempt pushing forward to the
-metropolis.
-
-Jones had some heroic ingredients in his composition, and was a hearty
-well-wisher to the glorious cause of liberty, and of the Protestant
-religion. It is no wonder, therefore, that in circumstances which
-would have warranted a much more romantic and wild undertaking, it
-should occur to him to serve as a volunteer in this expedition.
-
-Our commanding officer had said all in his power to encourage and
-promote this good disposition, from the first moment he had been
-acquainted with it. He now proclaimed the noble resolution aloud,
-which was received with great pleasure by the whole company, who all
-cried out, "God bless King George and your honour;" and then added,
-with many oaths, "We will stand by you both to the last drops of our
-blood."
-
-The gentleman who had been all night tippling at the alehouse, was
-prevailed on by some arguments which a corporal had put into his
-hands, to undertake the same expedition. And now the portmanteau
-belonging to Mr Jones being put up in the baggage-cart, the forces
-were about to move forwards; when the guide, stepping up to Jones,
-said, "Sir, I hope you will consider that the horses have been kept
-out all night, and we have travelled a great ways out of our way."
-Jones was surprized at the impudence of this demand, and acquainted
-the soldiers with the merits of his cause, who were all unanimous in
-condemning the guide for his endeavours to put upon a gentleman. Some
-said, he ought to be tied neck and heels; others that he deserved to
-run the gantlope; and the serjeant shook his cane at him, and wished
-he had him under his command, swearing heartily he would make an
-example of him.
-
-Jones contented himself however with a negative punishment, and walked
-off with his new comrades, leaving the guide to the poor revenge of
-cursing and reviling him; in which latter the landlord joined, saying,
-"Ay, ay, he is a pure one, I warrant you. A pretty gentleman, indeed,
-to go for a soldier! He shall wear a laced wastecoat truly. It is an
-old proverb and a true one, all is not gold that glisters. I am glad
-my house is well rid of him."
-
-All that day the serjeant and the young soldier marched together; and
-the former, who was an arch fellow, told the latter many entertaining
-stories of his campaigns, though in reality he had never made any; for
-he was but lately come into the service, and had, by his own
-dexterity, so well ingratiated himself with his officers, that he had
-promoted himself to a halberd; chiefly indeed by his merit in
-recruiting, in which he was most excellently well skilled.
-
-Much mirth and festivity passed among the soldiers during their march.
-In which the many occurrences that had passed at their last quarters
-were remembered, and every one, with great freedom, made what jokes he
-pleased on his officers, some of which were of the coarser kind, and
-very near bordering on scandal. This brought to our heroe's mind the
-custom which he had read of among the Greeks and Romans, of indulging,
-on certain festivals and solemn occasions, the liberty to slaves, of
-using an uncontrouled freedom of speech towards their masters.
-
-Our little army, which consisted of two companies of foot, were now
-arrived at the place where they were to halt that evening. The
-serjeant then acquainted his lieutenant, who was the commanding
-officer, that they had picked up two fellows in that day's march, one
-of which, he said, was as fine a man as ever he saw (meaning the
-tippler), for that he was near six feet, well proportioned, and
-strongly limbed; and the other (meaning Jones) would do well enough
-for the rear rank.
-
-The new soldiers were now produced before the officer, who having
-examined the six-feet man, he being first produced, came next to
-survey Jones: at the first sight of whom, the lieutenant could not
-help showing some surprize; for besides that he was very well dressed,
-and was naturally genteel, he had a remarkable air of dignity in his
-look, which is rarely seen among the vulgar, and is indeed not
-inseparably annexed to the features of their superiors.
-
-"Sir," said the lieutenant, "my serjeant informed me that you are
-desirous of enlisting in the company I have at present under my
-command; if so, sir, we shall very gladly receive a gentleman who
-promises to do much honour to the company by bearing arms in it."
-
-Jones answered: "That he had not mentioned anything of enlisting
-himself; that he was most zealously attached to the glorious cause for
-which they were going to fight, and was very desirous of serving as a
-volunteer;" concluding with some compliments to the lieutenant, and
-expressing the great satisfaction he should have in being under his
-command.
-
-The lieutenant returned his civility, commended his resolution, shook
-him by the hand, and invited him to dine with himself and the rest of
-the officers.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-The adventure of a company of officers.
-
-
-The lieutenant, whom we mentioned in the preceding chapter, and who
-commanded this party, was now near sixty years of age. He had entered
-very young into the army, and had served in the capacity of an ensign
-at the battle of Tannieres; here he had received two wounds, and had
-so well distinguished himself, that he was by the Duke of Marlborough
-advanced to be a lieutenant, immediately after that battle.
-
-In this commission he had continued ever since, viz., near forty
-years; during which time he had seen vast numbers preferred over his
-head, and had now the mortification to be commanded by boys, whose
-fathers were at nurse when he first entered into the service.
-
-Nor was this ill success in his profession solely owing to his having
-no friends among the men in power. He had the misfortune to incur the
-displeasure of his colonel, who for many years continued in the
-command of this regiment. Nor did he owe the implacable ill-will which
-this man bore him to any neglect or deficiency as an officer, nor
-indeed to any fault in himself; but solely to the indiscretion of his
-wife, who was a very beautiful woman, and who, though she was
-remarkably fond of her husband, would not purchase his preferment at
-the expense of certain favours which the colonel required of her.
-
-The poor lieutenant was more peculiarly unhappy in this, that while he
-felt the effects of the enmity of his colonel, he neither knew, nor
-suspected, that he really bore him any; for he could not suspect an
-ill-will for which he was not conscious of giving any cause; and his
-wife, fearing what her husband's nice regard to his honour might have
-occasioned, contented herself with preserving her virtue without
-enjoying the triumphs of her conquest.
-
-This unfortunate officer (for so I think he may be called) had many
-good qualities besides his merit in his profession; for he was a
-religious, honest, good-natured man; and had behaved so well in his
-command, that he was highly esteemed and beloved not only by the
-soldiers of his own company, but by the whole regiment.
-
-The other officers who marched with him were a French lieutenant, who
-had been long enough out of France to forget his own language, but not
-long enough in England to learn ours, so that he really spoke no
-language at all, and could barely make himself understood on the most
-ordinary occasions. There were likewise two ensigns, both very young
-fellows; one of whom had been bred under an attorney, and the other
-was son to the wife of a nobleman's butler.
-
-As soon as dinner was ended, Jones informed the company of the
-merriment which had passed among the soldiers upon their march; "and
-yet," says he, "notwithstanding all their vociferation, I dare swear
-they will behave more like Grecians than Trojans when they come to the
-enemy."--"Grecians and Trojans!" says one of the ensigns, "who the
-devil are they? I have heard of all the troops in Europe, but never of
-any such as these."
-
-"Don't pretend to more ignorance than you have, Mr Northerton," said
-the worthy lieutenant. "I suppose you have heard of the Greeks and
-Trojans, though perhaps you never read Pope's Homer; who, I remember,
-now the gentleman mentions it, compares the march of the Trojans to
-the cackling of geese, and greatly commends the silence of the
-Grecians. And upon my honour there is great justice in the cadet's
-observation."
-
-"Begar, me remember dem ver well," said the French lieutenant: "me ave
-read them at school in dans Madam Daciere, des Greek, des Trojan, dey
-fight for von woman--ouy, ouy, me ave read all dat."
-
-"D--n Homo with all my heart," says Northerton; "I have the marks of
-him on my a-- yet. There's Thomas, of our regiment, always carries a
-Homo in his pocket; d--n me, if ever I come at it, if I don't burn it.
-And there's Corderius, another d--n'd son of a whore, that hath got me
-many a flogging."
-
-"Then you have been at school, Mr Northerton?" said the lieutenant.
-
-"Ay, d--n me, have I," answered he; "the devil take my father for
-sending me thither! The old put wanted to make a parson of me, but
-d--n me, thinks I to myself, I'll nick you there, old cull; the devil
-a smack of your nonsense shall you ever get into me. There's Jemmy
-Oliver, of our regiment, he narrowly escaped being a pimp too, and
-that would have been a thousand pities; for d--n me if he is not one
-of the prettiest fellows in the whole world; but he went farther than
-I with the old cull, for Jimmey can neither write nor read."
-
-"You give your friend a very good character," said the lieutenant,
-"and a very deserved one, I dare say. But prithee, Northerton, leave
-off that foolish as well as wicked custom of swearing; for you are
-deceived, I promise you, if you think there is wit or politeness in
-it. I wish, too, you would take my advice, and desist from abusing the
-clergy. Scandalous names, and reflections cast on any body of men,
-must be always unjustifiable; but especially so, when thrown on so
-sacred a function; for to abuse the body is to abuse the function
-itself; and I leave to you to judge how inconsistent such behaviour is
-in men who are going to fight in defence of the Protestant religion."
-
-Mr Adderly, which was the name of the other ensign, had sat hitherto
-kicking his heels and humming a tune, without seeming to listen to the
-discourse; he now answered, "_O, Monsieur, on ne parle pas de la
-religion dans la guerre_."--"Well said, Jack," cries Northerton: "if
-_la religion_ was the only matter, the parsons should fight their own
-battles for me."
-
-"I don't know, gentlemen," said Jones, "what may be your opinion; but
-I think no man can engage in a nobler cause than that of his religion;
-and I have observed, in the little I have read of history, that no
-soldiers have fought so bravely as those who have been inspired with a
-religious zeal: for my own part, though I love my king and country, I
-hope, as well as any man in it, yet the Protestant interest is no
-small motive to my becoming a volunteer in the cause."
-
-Northerton now winked on Adderly, and whispered to him slily, "Smoke
-the prig, Adderly, smoke him." Then turning to Jones, said to him, "I
-am very glad, sir, you have chosen our regiment to be a volunteer in;
-for if our parson should at any time take a cup too much, I find you
-can supply his place. I presume, sir, you have been at the university;
-may I crave the favour to know what college?"
-
-"Sir," answered Jones, "so far from having been at the university, I
-have even had the advantage of yourself, for I was never at school."
-
-"I presumed," cries the ensign, "only upon the information of your
-great learning."--"Oh! sir," answered Jones, "it is as possible for a
-man to know something without having been at school, as it is to have
-been at school and to know nothing."
-
-"Well said, young volunteer," cries the lieutenant. "Upon my word,
-Northerton, you had better let him alone; for he will be too hard for
-you."
-
-Northerton did not very well relish the sarcasm of Jones; but he
-thought the provocation was scarce sufficient to justify a blow, or a
-rascal, or scoundrel, which were the only repartees that suggested
-themselves. He was, therefore, silent at present; but resolved to take
-the first opportunity of returning the jest by abuse.
-
-It now came to the turn of Mr Jones to give a toast, as it is called;
-who could not refrain from mentioning his dear Sophia. This he did the
-more readily, as he imagined it utterly impossible that any one
-present should guess the person he meant.
-
-But the lieutenant, who was the toast-master, was not contented with
-Sophia only. He said, he must have her sir-name; upon which Jones
-hesitated a little, and presently after named Miss Sophia Western.
-Ensign Northerton declared he would not drink her health in the same
-round with his own toast, unless somebody would vouch for her. "I knew
-one Sophy Western," says he, "that was lain with by half the young
-fellows at Bath; and perhaps this is the same woman." Jones very
-solemnly assured him of the contrary; asserting that the young lady he
-named was one of great fashion and fortune. "Ay, ay," says the ensign,
-"and so she is: d--n me, it is the same woman; and I'll hold half a
-dozen of Burgundy, Tom French of our regiment brings her into company
-with us at any tavern in Bridges-street." He then proceeded to
-describe her person exactly (for he had seen her with her aunt), and
-concluded with saying, "that her father had a great estate in
-Somersetshire."
-
-The tenderness of lovers can ill brook the least jesting with the
-names of their mistresses. However, Jones, though he had enough of the
-lover and of the heroe too in his disposition, did not resent these
-slanders as hastily as, perhaps, he ought to have done. To say the
-truth, having seen but little of this kind of wit, he did not readily
-understand it, and for a long time imagined Mr Northerton had really
-mistaken his charmer for some other. But now, turning to the ensign
-with a stern aspect, he said, "Pray, sir, chuse some other subject for
-your wit; for I promise you I will bear no jesting with this lady's
-character." "Jesting!" cries the other, "d--n me if ever I was more in
-earnest in my life. Tom French of our regiment had both her and her
-aunt at Bath." "Then I must tell you in earnest," cries Jones, "that
-you are one of the most impudent rascals upon earth."
-
-He had no sooner spoken these words, than the ensign, together with a
-volley of curses, discharged a bottle full at the head of Jones, which
-hitting him a little above the right temple, brought him instantly to
-the ground.
-
-The conqueror perceiving the enemy to lie motionless before him, and
-blood beginning to flow pretty plentifully from his wound, began now
-to think of quitting the field of battle, where no more honour was to
-be gotten; but the lieutenant interposed, by stepping before the door,
-and thus cut off his retreat.
-
-Northerton was very importunate with the lieutenant for his liberty;
-urging the ill consequences of his stay, asking him, what he could
-have done less? "Zounds!" says he, "I was but in jest with the fellow.
-I never heard any harm of Miss Western in my life." "Have not you?"
-said the lieutenant; "then you richly deserve to be hanged, as well
-for making such jests, as for using such a weapon: you are my
-prisoner, sir; nor shall you stir from hence till a proper guard comes
-to secure you."
-
-Such an ascendant had our lieutenant over this ensign, that all that
-fervency of courage which had levelled our poor heroe with the floor,
-would scarce have animated the said ensign to have drawn his sword
-against the lieutenant, had he then had one dangling at his side: but
-all the swords being hung up in the room, were, at the very beginning
-of the fray, secured by the French officer. So that Mr Northerton was
-obliged to attend the final issue of this affair.
-
-The French gentleman and Mr Adderly, at the desire of their commanding
-officer, had raised up the body of Jones, but as they could perceive
-but little (if any) sign of life in him, they again let him fall,
-Adderly damning him for having blooded his wastecoat; and the
-Frenchman declaring, "Begar, me no tush the Engliseman de mort: me
-have heard de Englise ley, law, what you call, hang up de man dat tush
-him last."
-
-When the good lieutenant applied himself to the door, he applied
-himself likewise to the bell; and the drawer immediately attending, he
-dispatched him for a file of musqueteers and a surgeon. These
-commands, together with the drawer's report of what he had himself
-seen, not only produced the soldiers, but presently drew up the
-landlord of the house, his wife, and servants, and, indeed, every one
-else who happened at that time to be in the inn.
-
-To describe every particular, and to relate the whole conversation of
-the ensuing scene, is not within my power, unless I had forty pens,
-and could, at once, write with them all together, as the company now
-spoke. The reader must, therefore, content himself with the most
-remarkable incidents, and perhaps he may very well excuse the rest.
-
-The first thing done was securing the body of Northerton, who being
-delivered into the custody of six men with a corporal at their head,
-was by them conducted from a place which he was very willing to leave,
-but it was unluckily to a place whither he was very unwilling to go.
-To say the truth, so whimsical are the desires of ambition, the very
-moment this youth had attained the above-mentioned honour, he would
-have been well contented to have retired to some corner of the world,
-where the fame of it should never have reached his ears.
-
-It surprizes us, and so perhaps, it may the reader, that the
-lieutenant, a worthy and good man, should have applied his chief care,
-rather to secure the offender, than to preserve the life of the
-wounded person. We mention this observation, not with any view of
-pretending to account for so odd a behaviour, but lest some critic
-should hereafter plume himself on discovering it. We would have these
-gentlemen know we can see what is odd in characters as well as
-themselves, but it is our business to relate facts as they are; which,
-when we have done, it is the part of the learned and sagacious reader
-to consult that original book of nature, whence every passage in our
-work is transcribed, though we quote not always the particular page
-for its authority.
-
-The company which now arrived were of a different disposition. They
-suspended their curiosity concerning the person of the ensign, till
-they should see him hereafter in a more engaging attitude. At present,
-their whole concern and attention were employed about the bloody
-object on the floor; which being placed upright in a chair, soon began
-to discover some symptoms of life and motion. These were no sooner
-perceived by the company (for Jones was at first generally concluded
-to be dead) than they all fell at once to prescribing for him (for as
-none of the physical order was present, every one there took that
-office upon him).
-
-Bleeding was the unanimous voice of the whole room; but unluckily
-there was no operator at hand; every one then cried, "Call the
-barber;" but none stirred a step. Several cordials was likewise
-prescribed in the same ineffective manner; till the landlord ordered
-up a tankard of strong beer, with a toast, which he said was the best
-cordial in England.
-
-The person principally assistant on this occasion, indeed the only one
-who did any service, or seemed likely to do any, was the landlady: she
-cut off some of her hair, and applied it to the wound to stop the
-blood; she fell to chafing the youth's temples with her hand; and
-having exprest great contempt for her husband's prescription of beer,
-she despatched one of her maids to her own closet for a bottle of
-brandy, of which, as soon as it was brought, she prevailed on Jones,
-who was just returned to his senses, to drink a very large and
-plentiful draught.
-
-Soon afterwards arrived the surgeon, who having viewed the wound,
-having shaken his head, and blamed everything which was done, ordered
-his patient instantly to bed; in which place we think proper to leave
-him some time to his repose, and shall here, therefore, put an end to
-this chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-Containing the great address of the landlady, the great learning of a
-surgeon, and the solid skill in casuistry of the worthy lieutenant.
-
-
-When the wounded man was carried to his bed, and the house began again
-to clear up from the hurry which this accident had occasioned, the
-landlady thus addressed the commanding officer: "I am afraid, sir,"
-said she, "this young man did not behave himself as well as he should
-do to your honours; and if he had been killed, I suppose he had but
-his desarts: to be sure, when gentlemen admit inferior parsons into
-their company, they oft to keep their distance; but, as my first
-husband used to say, few of 'em know how to do it. For my own part, I
-am sure I should not have suffered any fellows to _include_ themselves
-into gentlemen's company; but I thoft he had been an officer himself,
-till the serjeant told me he was but a recruit."
-
-"Landlady," answered the lieutenant, "you mistake the whole matter.
-The young man behaved himself extremely well, and is, I believe, a
-much better gentleman than the ensign who abused him. If the young
-fellow dies, the man who struck him will have most reason to be sorry
-for it: for the regiment will get rid of a very troublesome fellow,
-who is a scandal to the army; and if he escapes from the hands of
-justice, blame me, madam, that's all."
-
-"Ay! ay! good lack-a-day!" said the landlady; "who could have thoft
-it? Ay, ay, ay, I am satisfied your honour will see justice done; and
-to be sure it oft to be to every one. Gentlemen oft not to kill poor
-folks without answering for it. A poor man hath a soul to be saved, as
-well as his betters."
-
-"Indeed, madam," said the lieutenant, "you do the volunteer wrong: I
-dare swear he is more of a gentleman than the officer."
-
-"Ay!" cries the landlady; "why, look you there, now: well, my first
-husband was a wise man; he used to say, you can't always know the
-inside by the outside. Nay, that might have been well enough too; for
-I never _saw'd_ him till he was all over blood. Who would have thoft
-it? mayhap, some young gentleman crossed in love. Good lack-a-day, if
-he should die, what a concern it will be to his parents! why, sure the
-devil must possess the wicked wretch to do such an act. To be sure, he
-is a scandal to the army, as your honour says; for most of the
-gentlemen of the army that ever I saw, are quite different sort of
-people, and look as if they would scorn to spill any Christian blood
-as much as any men: I mean, that is, in a civil way, as my first
-husband used to say. To be sure, when they come into the wars, there
-must be bloodshed: but that they are not to be blamed for. The more of
-our enemies they kill there, the better: and I wish, with all my
-heart, they could kill every mother's son of them."
-
-"O fie, madam!" said the lieutenant, smiling; "_all_ is rather too
-bloody-minded a wish."
-
-"Not at all, sir," answered she; "I am not at all bloody-minded, only
-to our enemies; and there is no harm in that. To be sure it is natural
-for us to wish our enemies dead, that the wars may be at an end, and
-our taxes be lowered; for it is a dreadful thing to pay as we do. Why
-now, there is above forty shillings for window-lights, and yet we have
-stopt up all we could; we have almost blinded the house, I am sure.
-Says I to the exciseman, says I, I think you oft to favour us; I am
-sure we are very good friends to the government: and so we are for
-sartain, for we pay a mint of money to 'um. And yet I often think to
-myself the government doth not imagine itself more obliged to us, than
-to those that don't pay 'um a farthing. Ay, ay, it is the way of the
-world."
-
-She was proceeding in this manner when the surgeon entered the room.
-The lieutenant immediately asked how his patient did. But he resolved
-him only by saying, "Better, I believe, than he would have been by
-this time, if I had not been called; and even as it is, perhaps it
-would have been lucky if I could have been called sooner."--"I hope,
-sir," said the lieutenant, "the skull is not fractured."--"Hum," cries
-the surgeon: "fractures are not always the most dangerous symptoms.
-Contusions and lacerations are often attended with worse phaenomena,
-and with more fatal consequences, than fractures. People who know
-nothing of the matter conclude, if the skull is not fractured, all is
-well; whereas, I had rather see a man's skull broke all to pieces,
-than some contusions I have met with."--"I hope," says the lieutenant,
-"there are no such symptoms here."--"Symptoms," answered the surgeon,
-"are not always regular nor constant. I have known very unfavourable
-symptoms in the morning change to favourable ones at noon, and return
-to unfavourable again at night. Of wounds, indeed, it is rightly and
-truly said, _Nemo repente fuit turpissimus_. I was once, I remember,
-called to a patient who had received a violent contusion in his tibia,
-by which the exterior cutis was lacerated, so that there was a profuse
-sanguinary discharge; and the interior membranes were so divellicated,
-that the os or bone very plainly appeared through the aperture of the
-vulnus or wound. Some febrile symptoms intervening at the same time
-(for the pulse was exuberant and indicated much phlebotomy), I
-apprehended an immediate mortification. To prevent which, I presently
-made a large orifice in the vein of the left arm, whence I drew twenty
-ounces of blood; which I expected to have found extremely sizy and
-glutinous, or indeed coagulated, as it is in pleuretic complaints;
-but, to my surprize, it appeared rosy and florid, and its consistency
-differed little from the blood of those in perfect health. I then
-applied a fomentation to the part, which highly answered the
-intention; and after three or four times dressing, the wound began to
-discharge a thick pus or matter, by which means the cohesion--But
-perhaps I do not make myself perfectly well understood?"--"No,
-really," answered the lieutenant, "I cannot say I understand a
-syllable."--"Well, sir," said the surgeon, "then I shall not tire your
-patience; in short, within six weeks my patient was able to walk upon
-his legs as perfectly as he could have done before he received the
-contusion."--"I wish, sir," said the lieutenant, "you would be so kind
-only to inform me, whether the wound this young gentleman hath had the
-misfortune to receive, is likely to prove mortal."--"Sir," answered
-the surgeon, "to say whether a wound will prove mortal or not at first
-dressing, would be very weak and foolish presumption: we are all
-mortal, and symptoms often occur in a cure which the greatest of our
-profession could never foresee."--"But do you think him in danger?"
-says the other.--"In danger! ay, surely," cries the doctor: "who is
-there among us, who, in the most perfect health, can be said not to be
-in danger? Can a man, therefore, with so bad a wound as this be said
-to be out of danger? All I can say at present is, that it is well I
-was called as I was, and perhaps it would have been better if I had
-been called sooner. I will see him again early in the morning; and in
-the meantime let him be kept extremely quiet, and drink liberally of
-water-gruel."--"Won't you allow him sack-whey?" said the
-landlady.--"Ay, ay, sack-whey," cries the doctor, "if you will,
-provided it be very small."--"And a little chicken broth too?" added
-she.--"Yes, yes, chicken broth," said the doctor, "is very
-good."--"Mayn't I make him some jellies too?" said the landlady.--"Ay,
-ay," answered the doctor, "jellies are very good for wounds, for they
-promote cohesion." And indeed it was lucky she had not named soup or
-high sauces, for the doctor would have complied, rather than have lost
-the custom of the house.
-
-The doctor was no sooner gone, than the landlady began to trumpet
-forth his fame to the lieutenant, who had not, from their short
-acquaintance, conceived quite so favourable an opinion of his physical
-abilities as the good woman, and all the neighbourhood, entertained
-(and perhaps very rightly); for though I am afraid the doctor was a
-little of a coxcomb, he might be nevertheless very much of a surgeon.
-
-The lieutenant having collected from the learned discourse of the
-surgeon that Mr Jones was in great danger, gave orders for keeping Mr
-Northerton under a very strict guard, designing in the morning to
-attend him to a justice of peace, and to commit the conducting the
-troops to Gloucester to the French lieutenant, who, though he could
-neither read, write, nor speak any language, was, however, a good
-officer.
-
-In the evening, our commander sent a message to Mr Jones, that if a
-visit would not be troublesome, he would wait on him. This civility
-was very kindly and thankfully received by Jones, and the lieutenant
-accordingly went up to his room, where he found the wounded man much
-better than he expected; nay, Jones assured his friend, that if he had
-not received express orders to the contrary from the surgeon, he
-should have got up long ago; for he appeared to himself to be as well
-as ever, and felt no other inconvenience from his wound but an extreme
-soreness on that side of his head.
-
-"I should be very glad," quoth the lieutenant, "if you was as well as
-you fancy yourself, for then you could be able to do yourself justice
-immediately; for when a matter can't be made up, as in case of a blow,
-the sooner you take him out the better; but I am afraid you think
-yourself better than you are, and he would have too much advantage
-over you."
-
-"I'll try, however," answered Jones, "if you please, and will be so
-kind to lend me a sword, for I have none here of my own."
-
-"My sword is heartily at your service, my dear boy," cries the
-lieutenant, kissing him; "you are a brave lad, and I love your spirit;
-but I fear your strength; for such a blow, and so much loss of blood,
-must have very much weakened you; and though you feel no want of
-strength in your bed, yet you most probably would after a thrust or
-two. I can't consent to your taking him out tonight; but I hope you
-will be able to come up with us before we get many days' march
-advance; and I give you my honour you shall have satisfaction, or the
-man who hath injured you shan't stay in our regiment."
-
-"I wish," said Jones, "it was possible to decide this matter to-night:
-now you have mentioned it to me, I shall not be able to rest."
-
-"Oh, never think of it," returned the other: "a few days will make no
-difference. The wounds of honour are not like those in your body: they
-suffer nothing by the delay of cure. It will be altogether as well for
-you to receive satisfaction a week hence as now."
-
-"But suppose," says Jones, "I should grow worse, and die of the
-consequences of my present wound?"
-
-"Then your honour," answered the lieutenant, "will require no
-reparation at all. I myself will do justice to your character, and
-testify to the world your intention to have acted properly, if you had
-recovered."
-
-"Still," replied Jones, "I am concerned at the delay. I am almost
-afraid to mention it to you who are a soldier; but though I have been
-a very wild young fellow, still in my most serious moments, and at the
-bottom, I am really a Christian."
-
-"So am I too, I assure you," said the officer; "and so zealous a one,
-that I was pleased with you at dinner for taking up the cause of your
-religion; and I am a little offended with you now, young gentleman,
-that you should express a fear of declaring your faith before any
-one."
-
-"But how terrible must it be," cries Jones, "to any one who is really
-a Christian, to cherish malice in his breast, in opposition to the
-command of Him who hath expressly forbid it? How can I bear to do this
-on a sick-bed? Or how shall I make up my account, with such an article
-as this in my bosom against me?"
-
-"Why, I believe there is such a command," cries the lieutenant; "but a
-man of honour can't keep it. And you must be a man of honour, if you
-will be in the army. I remember I once put the case to our chaplain
-over a bowl of punch, and he confessed there was much difficulty in
-it; but he said, he hoped there might be a latitude granted to
-soldiers in this one instance; and to be sure it is our duty to hope
-so; for who would bear to live without his honour? No, no, my dear
-boy, be a good Christian as long as you live; but be a man of honour
-too, and never put up an affront; not all the books, nor all the
-parsons in the world, shall ever persuade me to that. I love my
-religion very well, but I love my honour more. There must be some
-mistake in the wording the text, or in the translation, or in the
-understanding it, or somewhere or other. But however that be, a man
-must run the risque, for he must preserve his honour. So compose
-yourself to-night, and I promise you you shall have an opportunity of
-doing yourself justice." Here he gave Jones a hearty buss, shook him
-by the hand, and took his leave.
-
-But though the lieutenant's reasoning was very satisfactory to
-himself, it was not entirely so to his friend. Jones therefore, having
-revolved this matter much in his thoughts, at last came to a
-resolution, which the reader will find in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiv.
-
-A most dreadful chapter indeed; and which few readers ought to venture
-upon in an evening, especially when alone.
-
-
-Jones swallowed a large mess of chicken, or rather cock, broth, with a
-very good appetite, as indeed he would have done the cock it was made
-of, with a pound of bacon into the bargain; and now, finding in
-himself no deficiency of either health or spirit, he resolved to get
-up and seek his enemy.
-
-But first he sent for the serjeant, who was his first acquaintance
-among these military gentlemen. Unluckily that worthy officer having,
-in a literal sense, taken his fill of liquor, had been some time
-retired to his bolster, where he was snoring so loud that it was not
-easy to convey a noise in at his ears capable of drowning that which
-issued from his nostrils.
-
-However, as Jones persisted in his desire of seeing him, a vociferous
-drawer at length found means to disturb his slumbers, and to acquaint
-him with the message. Of which the serjeant was no sooner made
-sensible, than he arose from his bed, and having his clothes already
-on, immediately attended. Jones did not think fit to acquaint the
-serjeant with his design; though he might have done it with great
-safety, for the halberdier was himself a man of honour, and had killed
-his man. He would therefore have faithfully kept this secret, or
-indeed any other which no reward was published for discovering. But as
-Jones knew not those virtues in so short an acquaintance, his caution
-was perhaps prudent and commendable enough.
-
-He began therefore by acquainting the serjeant, that as he was now
-entered into the army, he was ashamed of being without what was
-perhaps the most necessary implement of a soldier; namely, a sword;
-adding, that he should be infinitely obliged to him, if he could
-procure one. "For which," says he, "I will give you any reasonable
-price; nor do I insist upon its being silver-hilted; only a good
-blade, and such as may become a soldier's thigh."
-
-The serjeant, who well knew what had happened, and had heard that
-Jones was in a very dangerous condition, immediately concluded, from
-such a message, at such a time of night, and from a man in such a
-situation, that he was light-headed. Now as he had his wit (to use
-that word in its common signification) always ready, he bethought
-himself of making his advantage of this humour in the sick man. "Sir,"
-says he, "I believe I can fit you. I have a most excellent piece of
-stuff by me. It is not indeed silver-hilted, which, as you say, doth
-not become a soldier; but the handle is decent enough, and the blade
-one of the best in Europe. It is a blade that--a blade that--in short,
-I will fetch it you this instant, and you shall see it and handle it.
-I am glad to see your honour so well with all my heart."
-
-Being instantly returned with the sword, he delivered it to Jones, who
-took it and drew it; and then told the serjeant it would do very well,
-and bid him name his price.
-
-The serjeant now began to harangue in praise of his goods. He said
-(nay he swore very heartily), "that the blade was taken from a French
-officer, of very high rank, at the battle of Dettingen. I took it
-myself," says he, "from his side, after I had knocked him o' the head.
-The hilt was a golden one. That I sold to one of our fine gentlemen;
-for there are some of them, an't please your honour, who value the
-hilt of a sword more than the blade."
-
-Here the other stopped him, and begged him to name a price. The
-serjeant, who thought Jones absolutely out of his senses, and very
-near his end, was afraid lest he should injure his family by asking
-too little. However, after a moment's hesitation, he contented himself
-with naming twenty guineas, and swore he would not sell it for less to
-his own brother.
-
-"Twenty guineas!" says Jones, in the utmost surprize: "sure you think
-I am mad, or that I never saw a sword in my life. Twenty guineas,
-indeed! I did not imagine you would endeavour to impose upon me. Here,
-take the sword--No, now I think on't, I will keep it myself, and show
-it your officer in the morning, acquainting him, at the same time,
-what a price you asked me for it."
-
-The serjeant, as we have said, had always his wit (_in sensu
-praedicto_) about him, and now plainly saw that Jones was not in the
-condition he had apprehended him to be; he now, therefore,
-counterfeited as great surprize as the other had shown, and said, "I
-am certain, sir, I have not asked you so much out of the way. Besides,
-you are to consider, it is the only sword I have, and I must run the
-risque of my officer's displeasure, by going without one myself. And
-truly, putting all this together, I don't think twenty shillings was
-so much out of the way."
-
-"Twenty shillings!" cries Jones; "why, you just now asked me twenty
-guineas."--"How!" cries the serjeant, "sure your honour must have
-mistaken me: or else I mistook myself--and indeed I am but half awake.
-Twenty guineas, indeed! no wonder your honour flew into such a
-passion. I say twenty guineas too. No, no, I mean twenty shillings, I
-assure you. And when your honour comes to consider everything, I hope
-you will not think that so extravagant a price. It is indeed true, you
-may buy a weapon which looks as well for less money. But----"
-
-Here Jones interrupted him, saying, "I will be so far from making any
-words with you, that I will give you a shilling more than your
-demand." He then gave him a guinea, bid him return to his bed, and
-wished him a good march; adding, he hoped to overtake them before the
-division reached Worcester.
-
-The serjeant very civilly took his leave, fully satisfied with his
-merchandize, and not a little pleased with his dexterous recovery from
-that false step into which his opinion of the sick man's
-light-headedness had betrayed him.
-
-As soon as the serjeant was departed, Jones rose from his bed, and
-dressed himself entirely, putting on even his coat, which, as its
-colour was white, showed very visibly the streams of blood which had
-flowed down it; and now, having grasped his new-purchased sword in his
-hand, he was going to issue forth, when the thought of what he was
-about to undertake laid suddenly hold of him, and he began to reflect
-that in a few minutes he might possibly deprive a human being of life,
-or might lose his own. "Very well," said he, "and in what cause do I
-venture my life? Why, in that of my honour. And who is this human
-being? A rascal who hath injured and insulted me without provocation.
-But is not revenge forbidden by Heaven? Yes, but it is enjoined by the
-world. Well, but shall I obey the world in opposition to the express
-commands of Heaven? Shall I incur the Divine displeasure rather than
-be called--ha--coward--scoundrel?--I'll think no more; I am resolved,
-and must fight him."
-
-The clock had now struck twelve, and every one in the house were in
-their beds, except the centinel who stood to guard Northerton, when
-Jones softly opening his door, issued forth in pursuit of his enemy,
-of whose place of confinement he had received a perfect description
-from the drawer. It is not easy to conceive a much more tremendous
-figure than he now exhibited. He had on, as we have said, a
-light-coloured coat, covered with streams of blood. His face, which
-missed that very blood, as well as twenty ounces more drawn from him
-by the surgeon, was pallid. Round his head was a quantity of bandage,
-not unlike a turban. In the right hand he carried a sword, and in the
-left a candle. So that the bloody Banquo was not worthy to be compared
-to him. In fact, I believe a more dreadful apparition was never raised
-in a church-yard, nor in the imagination of any good people met in a
-winter evening over a Christmas fire in Somersetshire.
-
-When the centinel first saw our heroe approach, his hair began gently
-to lift up his grenadier cap; and in the same instant his knees fell
-to blows with each other. Presently his whole body was seized with
-worse than an ague fit. He then fired his piece, and fell flat on his
-face.
-
-Whether fear or courage was the occasion of his firing, or whether he
-took aim at the object of his terror, I cannot say. If he did,
-however, he had the good fortune to miss his man.
-
-Jones seeing the fellow fall, guessed the cause of his fright, at
-which he could not forbear smiling, not in the least reflecting on the
-danger from which he had just escaped. He then passed by the fellow,
-who still continued in the posture in which he fell, and entered the
-room where Northerton, as he had heard, was confined. Here, in a
-solitary situation, he found--an empty quart pot standing on the
-table, on which some beer being spilt, it looked as if the room had
-lately been inhabited; but at present it was entirely vacant.
-
-Jones then apprehended it might lead to some other apartment; but upon
-searching all round it, he could perceive no other door than that at
-which he entered, and where the centinel had been posted. He then
-proceeded to call Northerton several times by his name; but no one
-answered; nor did this serve to any other purpose than to confirm the
-centinel in his terrors, who was now convinced that the volunteer was
-dead of his wounds, and that his ghost was come in search of the
-murderer: he now lay in all the agonies of horror; and I wish, with
-all my heart, some of those actors who are hereafter to represent a
-man frighted out of his wits had seen him, that they might be taught
-to copy nature, instead of performing several antic tricks and
-gestures, for the entertainment and applause of the galleries.
-
-Perceiving the bird was flown, at least despairing to find him, and
-rightly apprehending that the report of the firelock would alarm the
-whole house, our heroe now blew out his candle, and gently stole back
-again to his chamber, and to his bed; whither he would not have been
-able to have gotten undiscovered, had any other person been on the
-same staircase, save only one gentleman who was confined to his bed by
-the gout; for before he could reach the door to his chamber, the hall
-where the centinel had been posted was half full of people, some in
-their shirts, and others not half drest, all very earnestly enquiring
-of each other what was the matter.
-
-The soldier was now found lying in the same place and posture in which
-we just now left him. Several immediately applied themselves to raise
-him, and some concluded him dead; but they presently saw their
-mistake, for he not only struggled with those who laid their hands on
-him, but fell a roaring like a bull. In reality, he imagined so many
-spirits or devils were handling him; for his imagination being
-possessed with the horror of an apparition, converted every object he
-saw or felt into nothing but ghosts and spectres.
-
-At length he was overpowered by numbers, and got upon his legs; when
-candles being brought, and seeing two or three of his comrades
-present, he came a little to himself; but when they asked him what was
-the matter? he answered, "I am a dead man, that's all, I am a dead
-man, I can't recover it, I have seen him." "What hast thou seen,
-Jack?" says one of the soldiers. "Why, I have seen the young volunteer
-that was killed yesterday." He then imprecated the most heavy curses
-on himself, if he had not seen the volunteer, all over blood, vomiting
-fire out of his mouth and nostrils, pass by him into the chamber where
-Ensign Northerton was, and then seizing the ensign by the throat, fly
-away with him in a clap of thunder.
-
-This relation met with a gracious reception from the audience. All the
-women present believed it firmly, and prayed Heaven to defend them
-from murder. Amongst the men too, many had faith in the story; but
-others turned it into derision and ridicule; and a serjeant who was
-present answered very coolly, "Young man, you will hear more of this,
-for going to sleep and dreaming on your post."
-
-The soldier replied, "You may punish me if you please; but I was as
-broad awake as I am now; and the devil carry me away, as he hath the
-ensign, if I did not see the dead man, as I tell you, with eyes as big
-and as fiery as two large flambeaux."
-
-The commander of the forces, and the commander of the house, were now
-both arrived; for the former being awake at the time, and hearing the
-centinel fire his piece, thought it his duty to rise immediately,
-though he had no great apprehensions of any mischief; whereas the
-apprehensions of the latter were much greater, lest her spoons and
-tankards should be upon the march, without having received any such
-orders from her.
-
-Our poor centinel, to whom the sight of this officer was not much more
-welcome than the apparition, as he thought it, which he had seen
-before, again related the dreadful story, and with many additions of
-blood and fire; but he had the misfortune to gain no credit with
-either of the last-mentioned persons: for the officer, though a very
-religious man, was free from all terrors of this kind; besides, having
-so lately left Jones in the condition we have seen, he had no
-suspicion of his being dead. As for the landlady, though not over
-religious, she had no kind of aversion to the doctrine of spirits; but
-there was a circumstance in the tale which she well knew to be false,
-as we shall inform the reader presently.
-
-But whether Northerton was carried away in thunder or fire, or in
-whatever other manner he was gone, it was now certain that his body
-was no longer in custody. Upon this occasion the lieutenant formed a
-conclusion not very different from what the serjeant is just mentioned
-to have made before, and immediately ordered the centinel to be taken
-prisoner. So that, by a strange reverse of fortune (though not very
-uncommon in a military life), the guard became the guarded.
-
-
-
-Chapter xv.
-
-The conclusion of the foregoing adventure.
-
-
-Besides the suspicion of sleep, the lieutenant harboured another and
-worse doubt against the poor centinel, and this was, that of
-treachery; for as he believed not one syllable of the apparition, so
-he imagined the whole to be an invention formed only to impose upon
-him, and that the fellow had in reality been bribed by Northerton to
-let him escape. And this he imagined the rather, as the fright
-appeared to him the more unnatural in one who had the character of as
-brave and bold a man as any in the regiment, having been in several
-actions, having received several wounds, and, in a word, having
-behaved himself always like a good and valiant soldier.
-
-That the reader, therefore, may not conceive the least ill opinion of
-such a person, we shall not delay a moment in rescuing his character
-from the imputation of this guilt.
-
-Mr Northerton then, as we have before observed, was fully satisfied
-with the glory which he had obtained from this action. He had perhaps
-seen, or heard, or guessed, that envy is apt to attend fame. Not that
-I would here insinuate that he was heathenishly inclined to believe in
-or to worship the goddess Nemesis; for, in fact, I am convinced he
-never heard of her name. He was, besides, of an active disposition,
-and had a great antipathy to those close quarters in the castle of
-Gloucester, for which a justice of peace might possibly give him a
-billet. Nor was he moreover free from some uneasy meditations on a
-certain wooden edifice, which I forbear to name, in conformity to the
-opinion of mankind, who, I think, rather ought to honour than to be
-ashamed of this building, as it is, or at least might be made, of more
-benefit to society than almost any other public erection. In a word,
-to hint at no more reasons for his conduct, Mr Northerton was desirous
-of departing that evening, and nothing remained for him but to
-contrive the quomodo, which appeared to be a matter of some
-difficulty.
-
-Now this young gentleman, though somewhat crooked in his morals, was
-perfectly straight in his person, which was extremely strong and well
-made. His face too was accounted handsome by the generality of women,
-for it was broad and ruddy, with tolerably good teeth. Such charms did
-not fail making an impression on my landlady, who had no little relish
-for this kind of beauty. She had, indeed, a real compassion for the
-young man; and hearing from the surgeon that affairs were like to go
-ill with the volunteer, she suspected they might hereafter wear no
-benign aspect with the ensign. Having obtained, therefore, leave to
-make him a visit, and finding him in a very melancholy mood, which she
-considerably heightened by telling him there were scarce any hopes of
-the volunteer's life, she proceeded to throw forth some hints, which
-the other readily and eagerly taking up, they soon came to a right
-understanding; and it was at length agreed that the ensign should, at
-a certain signal, ascend the chimney, which communicating very soon
-with that of the kitchen, he might there again let himself down; for
-which she would give him an opportunity by keeping the coast clear.
-
-But lest our readers, of a different complexion, should take this
-occasion of too hastily condemning all compassion as a folly, and
-pernicious to society, we think proper to mention another particular
-which might possibly have some little share in this action. The ensign
-happened to be at this time possessed of the sum of fifty pounds,
-which did indeed belong to the whole company; for the captain having
-quarrelled with his lieutenant, had entrusted the payment of his
-company to the ensign. This money, however, he thought proper to
-deposit in my landlady's hand, possibly by way of bail or security
-that he would hereafter appear and answer to the charge against him;
-but whatever were the conditions, certain it is, that she had the
-money and the ensign his liberty.
-
-The reader may perhaps expect, from the compassionate temper of this
-good woman, that when she saw the poor centinel taken prisoner for a
-fact of which she knew him innocent, she should immediately have
-interposed in his behalf; but whether it was that she had already
-exhausted all her compassion in the above-mentioned instance, or that
-the features of this fellow, though not very different from those of
-the ensign, could not raise it, I will not determine; but, far from
-being an advocate for the present prisoner, she urged his guilt to his
-officer, declaring, with uplifted eyes and hands, that she would not
-have had any concern in the escape of a murderer for all the world.
-
-Everything was now once more quiet, and most of the company returned
-again to their beds; but the landlady, either from the natural
-activity of her disposition, or from her fear for her plate, having no
-propensity to sleep, prevailed with the officers, as they were to
-march within little more than an hour, to spend that time with her
-over a bowl of punch.
-
-Jones had lain awake all this while, and had heard great part of the
-hurry and bustle that had passed, of which he had now some curiosity
-to know the particulars. He therefore applied to his bell, which he
-rung at least twenty times without any effect: for my landlady was in
-such high mirth with her company, that no clapper could be heard there
-but her own; and the drawer and chambermaid, who were sitting together
-in the kitchen (for neither durst he sit up nor she lie in bed alone),
-the more they heard the bell ring the more they were frightened, and
-as it were nailed down in their places.
-
-At last, at a lucky interval of chat, the sound reached the ears of
-our good landlady, who presently sent forth her summons, which both
-her servants instantly obeyed. "Joe," says the mistress, "don't you
-hear the gentleman's bell ring? Why don't you go up?"--"It is not my
-business," answered the drawer, "to wait upon the chambers--it is
-Betty Chambermaid's."--"If you come to that," answered the maid, "it
-is not my business to wait upon gentlemen. I have done it indeed
-sometimes; but the devil fetch me if ever I do again, since you make
-your preambles about it." The bell still ringing violently, their
-mistress fell into a passion, and swore, if the drawer did not go up
-immediately, she would turn him away that very morning. "If you do,
-madam," says he, "I can't help it. I won't do another servant's
-business." She then applied herself to the maid, and endeavoured to
-prevail by gentle means; but all in vain: Betty was as inflexible as
-Joe. Both insisted it was not their business, and they would not do
-it.
-
-The lieutenant then fell a laughing, and said, "Come, I will put an
-end to this contention;" and then turning to the servants, commended
-them for their resolution in not giving up the point; but added, he
-was sure, if one would consent to go the other would. To which
-proposal they both agreed in an instant, and accordingly went up very
-lovingly and close together. When they were gone, the lieutenant
-appeased the wrath of the landlady, by satisfying her why they were
-both so unwilling to go alone.
-
-They returned soon after, and acquainted their mistress, that the sick
-gentleman was so far from being dead, that he spoke as heartily as if
-he was well; and that he gave his service to the captain, and should
-be very glad of the favour of seeing him before he marched.
-
-The good lieutenant immediately complied with his desires, and sitting
-down by his bed-side, acquainted him with the scene which had happened
-below, concluding with his intentions to make an example of the
-centinel.
-
-Upon this Jones related to him the whole truth, and earnestly begged
-him not to punish the poor soldier, "who, I am confident," says he,
-"is as innocent of the ensign's escape, as he is of forging any lie,
-or of endeavouring to impose on you."
-
-The lieutenant hesitated a few moments, and then answered: "Why, as
-you have cleared the fellow of one part of the charge, so it will be
-impossible to prove the other, because he was not the only centinel.
-But I have a good mind to punish the rascal for being a coward. Yet
-who knows what effect the terror of such an apprehension may have?
-and, to say the truth, he hath always behaved well against an enemy.
-Come, it is a good thing to see any sign of religion in these fellows;
-so I promise you he shall be set at liberty when we march. But hark,
-the general beats. My dear boy, give me another buss. Don't discompose
-nor hurry yourself; but remember the Christian doctrine of patience,
-and I warrant you will soon be able to do yourself justice, and to
-take an honourable revenge on the fellow who hath injured you." The
-lieutenant then departed, and Jones endeavoured to compose himself to
-rest.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK VIII.
-
-CONTAINING ABOUT TWO DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-A wonderful long chapter concerning the marvellous; being much the
-longest of all our introductory chapters.
-
-
-As we are now entering upon a book in which the course of our history
-will oblige us to relate some matters of a more strange and surprizing
-kind than any which have hitherto occurred, it may not be amiss, in
-the prolegomenous or introductory chapter, to say something of that
-species of writing which is called the marvellous. To this we shall,
-as well for the sake of ourselves as of others, endeavour to set some
-certain bounds, and indeed nothing can be more necessary, as
-critics[*] of different complexions are here apt to run into very
-different extremes; for while some are, with M. Dacier, ready to
-allow, that the same thing which is impossible may be yet
-probable,[**] others have so little historic or poetic faith, that they
-believe nothing to be either possible or probable, the like to which
-hath not occurred to their own observation.
-
-  [*] By this word here, and in most other parts of our work, we mean
-  every reader in the world.
-  [**] It is happy for M. Dacier that he was not an Irishman.
-
-First, then, I think it may very reasonably be required of every
-writer, that he keeps within the bounds of possibility; and still
-remembers that what it is not possible for man to perform, it is
-scarce possible for man to believe he did perform. This conviction
-perhaps gave birth to many stories of the antient heathen deities (for
-most of them are of poetical original). The poet, being desirous to
-indulge a wanton and extravagant imagination, took refuge in that
-power, of the extent of which his readers were no judges, or rather
-which they imagined to be infinite, and consequently they could not be
-shocked at any prodigies related of it. This hath been strongly urged
-in defence of Homer's miracles; and it is perhaps a defence; not, as
-Mr Pope would have it, because Ulysses told a set of foolish lies to
-the Phaeacians, who were a very dull nation; but because the poet
-himself wrote to heathens, to whom poetical fables were articles of
-faith. For my own part, I must confess, so compassionate is my temper,
-I wish Polypheme had confined himself to his milk diet, and preserved
-his eye; nor could Ulysses be much more concerned than myself, when
-his companions were turned into swine by Circe, who showed, I think,
-afterwards, too much regard for man's flesh to be supposed capable of
-converting it into bacon. I wish, likewise, with all my heart, that
-Homer could have known the rule prescribed by Horace, to introduce
-supernatural agents as seldom as possible. We should not then have
-seen his gods coming on trivial errands, and often behaving themselves
-so as not only to forfeit all title to respect, but to become the
-objects of scorn and derision. A conduct which must have shocked the
-credulity of a pious and sagacious heathen; and which could never have
-been defended, unless by agreeing with a supposition to which I have
-been sometimes almost inclined, that this most glorious poet, as he
-certainly was, had an intent to burlesque the superstitious faith of
-his own age and country.
-
-But I have rested too long on a doctrine which can be of no use to a
-Christian writer; for as he cannot introduce into his works any of
-that heavenly host which make a part of his creed, so it is horrid
-puerility to search the heathen theology for any of those deities who
-have been long since dethroned from their immortality. Lord
-Shaftesbury observes, that nothing is more cold than the invocation of
-a muse by a modern; he might have added, that nothing can be more
-absurd. A modern may with much more elegance invoke a ballad, as some
-have thought Homer did, or a mug of ale, with the author of Hudibras;
-which latter may perhaps have inspired much more poetry, as well as
-prose, than all the liquors of Hippocrene or Helicon.
-
-The only supernatural agents which can in any manner be allowed to us
-moderns, are ghosts; but of these I would advise an author to be
-extremely sparing. These are indeed, like arsenic, and other dangerous
-drugs in physic, to be used with the utmost caution; nor would I
-advise the introduction of them at all in those works, or by those
-authors, to which, or to whom, a horse-laugh in the reader would be
-any great prejudice or mortification.
-
-As for elves and fairies, and other such mummery, I purposely omit the
-mention of them, as I should be very unwilling to confine within any
-bounds those surprizing imaginations, for whose vast capacity the
-limits of human nature are too narrow; whose works are to be
-considered as a new creation; and who have consequently just right to
-do what they will with their own.
-
-Man therefore is the highest subject (unless on very extraordinary
-occasions indeed) which presents itself to the pen of our historian,
-or of our poet; and, in relating his actions, great care is to be
-taken that we do not exceed the capacity of the agent we describe.
-
-Nor is possibility alone sufficient to justify us; we must keep
-likewise within the rules of probability. It is, I think, the opinion
-of Aristotle; or if not, it is the opinion of some wise man, whose
-authority will be as weighty when it is as old, "That it is no excuse
-for a poet who relates what is incredible, that the thing related is
-really matter of fact." This may perhaps be allowed true with regard
-to poetry, but it may be thought impracticable to extend it to the
-historian; for he is obliged to record matters as he finds them,
-though they may be of so extraordinary a nature as will require no
-small degree of historical faith to swallow them. Such was the
-successless armament of Xerxes described by Herodotus, or the
-successful expedition of Alexander related by Arrian. Such of later
-years was the victory of Agincourt obtained by Harry the Fifth, or
-that of Narva won by Charles the Twelfth of Sweden. All which
-instances, the more we reflect on them, appear still the more
-astonishing.
-
-Such facts, however, as they occur in the thread of the story, nay,
-indeed, as they constitute the essential parts of it, the historian is
-not only justifiable in recording as they really happened, but indeed
-would be unpardonable should he omit or alter them. But there are
-other facts not of such consequence nor so necessary, which, though
-ever so well attested, may nevertheless be sacrificed to oblivion in
-complacence to the scepticism of a reader. Such is that memorable
-story of the ghost of George Villiers, which might with more propriety
-have been made a present of to Dr Drelincourt, to have kept the ghost
-of Mrs Veale company, at the head of his Discourse upon Death, than
-have been introduced into so solemn a work as the History of the
-Rebellion.
-
-To say the truth, if the historian will confine himself to what really
-happened, and utterly reject any circumstance, which, though never so
-well attested, he must be well assured is false, he will sometimes
-fall into the marvellous, but never into the incredible. He will often
-raise the wonder and surprize of his reader, but never that
-incredulous hatred mentioned by Horace. It is by falling into fiction,
-therefore, that we generally offend against this rule, of deserting
-probability, which the historian seldom, if ever, quits, till he
-forsakes his character and commences a writer of romance. In this,
-however, those historians who relate public transactions, have the
-advantage of us who confine ourselves to scenes of private life. The
-credit of the former is by common notoriety supported for a long time;
-and public records, with the concurrent testimony of many authors,
-bear evidence to their truth in future ages. Thus a Trajan and an
-Antoninus, a Nero and a Caligula, have all met with the belief of
-posterity; and no one doubts but that men so very good, and so very
-bad, were once the masters of mankind.
-
-But we who deal in private character, who search into the most retired
-recesses, and draw forth examples of virtue and vice from holes and
-corners of the world, are in a more dangerous situation. As we have no
-public notoriety, no concurrent testimony, no records to support and
-corroborate what we deliver, it becomes us to keep within the limits
-not only of possibility, but of probability too; and this more
-especially in painting what is greatly good and amiable. Knavery and
-folly, though never so exorbitant, will more easily meet with assent;
-for ill-nature adds great support and strength to faith.
-
-Thus we may, perhaps, with little danger, relate the history of
-Fisher; who having long owed his bread to the generosity of Mr Derby,
-and having one morning received a considerable bounty from his hands,
-yet, in order to possess himself of what remained in his friend's
-scrutore, concealed himself in a public office of the Temple, through
-which there was a passage into Mr Derby's chambers. Here he overheard
-Mr Derby for many hours solacing himself at an entertainment which he
-that evening gave his friends, and to which Fisher had been invited.
-During all this time, no tender, no grateful reflections arose to
-restrain his purpose; but when the poor gentleman had let his company
-out through the office, Fisher came suddenly from his lurking-place,
-and walking softly behind his friend into his chamber, discharged a
-pistol-ball into his head. This may be believed when the bones of
-Fisher are as rotten as his heart. Nay, perhaps, it will be credited,
-that the villain went two days afterwards with some young ladies to
-the play of Hamlet; and with an unaltered countenance heard one of the
-ladies, who little suspected how near she was to the person, cry out,
-"Good God! if the man that murdered Mr Derby was now present!"
-manifesting in this a more seared and callous conscience than even
-Nero himself; of whom we are told by Suetonius, "that the
-consciousness of his guilt, after the death of his mother, became
-immediately intolerable, and so continued; nor could all the
-congratulations of the soldiers, of the senate, and the people, allay
-the horrors of his conscience."
-
-But now, on the other hand, should I tell my reader, that I had known
-a man whose penetrating genius had enabled him to raise a large
-fortune in a way where no beginning was chaulked out to him; that he
-had done this with the most perfect preservation of his integrity, and
-not only without the least injustice or injury to any one individual
-person, but with the highest advantage to trade, and a vast increase
-of the public revenue; that he had expended one part of the income of
-this fortune in discovering a taste superior to most, by works where
-the highest dignity was united with the purest simplicity, and another
-part in displaying a degree of goodness superior to all men, by acts
-of charity to objects whose only recommendations were their merits, or
-their wants; that he was most industrious in searching after merit in
-distress, most eager to relieve it, and then as careful (perhaps too
-careful) to conceal what he had done; that his house, his furniture,
-his gardens, his table, his private hospitality, and his public
-beneficence, all denoted the mind from which they flowed, and were all
-intrinsically rich and noble, without tinsel, or external ostentation;
-that he filled every relation in life with the most adequate virtue;
-that he was most piously religious to his Creator, most zealously
-loyal to his sovereign; a most tender husband to his wife, a kind
-relation, a munificent patron, a warm and firm friend, a knowing and a
-chearful companion, indulgent to his servants, hospitable to his
-neighbours, charitable to the poor, and benevolent to all mankind.
-Should I add to these the epithets of wise, brave, elegant, and indeed
-every other amiable epithet in our language, I might surely say,
-
-      _--Quis credet? nemo Hercule! nemo;
-      Vel duo, vel nemo;_
-
-and yet I know a man who is all I have here described. But a single
-instance (and I really know not such another) is not sufficient to
-justify us, while we are writing to thousands who never heard of the
-person, nor of anything like him. Such _rarae aves_ should be remitted
-to the epitaph writer, or to some poet who may condescend to hitch him
-in a distich, or to slide him into a rhime with an air of carelessness
-and neglect, without giving any offence to the reader.
-
-In the last place, the actions should be such as may not only be
-within the compass of human agency, and which human agents may
-probably be supposed to do; but they should be likely for the very
-actors and characters themselves to have performed; for what may be
-only wonderful and surprizing in one man, may become improbable, or
-indeed impossible, when related of another.
-
-This last requisite is what the dramatic critics call conversation of
-character; and it requires a very extraordinary degree of judgment,
-and a most exact knowledge of human nature.
-
-It is admirably remarked by a most excellent writer, that zeal can no
-more hurry a man to act in direct opposition to itself, than a rapid
-stream can carry a boat against its own current. I will venture to
-say, that for a man to act in direct contradiction to the dictates of
-his nature, is, if not impossible, as improbable and as miraculous as
-anything which can well be conceived. Should the best parts of the
-story of M. Antoninus be ascribed to Nero, or should the worst
-incidents of Nero's life be imputed to Antoninus, what would be more
-shocking to belief than either instance? whereas both these being
-related of their proper agent, constitute the truly marvellous.
-
-Our modern authors of comedy have fallen almost universally into the
-error here hinted at; their heroes generally are notorious rogues, and
-their heroines abandoned jades, during the first four acts; but in the
-fifth, the former become very worthy gentlemen, and the latter women
-of virtue and discretion: nor is the writer often so kind as to give
-himself the least trouble to reconcile or account for this monstrous
-change and incongruity. There is, indeed, no other reason to be
-assigned for it, than because the play is drawing to a conclusion; as
-if it was no less natural in a rogue to repent in the last act of a
-play, than in the last of his life; which we perceive to be generally
-the case at Tyburn, a place which might indeed close the scene of some
-comedies with much propriety, as the heroes in these are most commonly
-eminent for those very talents which not only bring men to the
-gallows, but enable them to make an heroic figure when they are there.
-
-Within these few restrictions, I think, every writer may be permitted
-to deal as much in the wonderful as he pleases; nay, if he thus keeps
-within the rules of credibility, the more he can surprize the reader
-the more he will engage his attention, and the more he will charm him.
-As a genius of the highest rank observes in his fifth chapter of the
-Bathos, "The great art of all poetry is to mix truth with fiction, in
-order to join the credible with the surprizing."
-
-For though every good author will confine himself within the bounds of
-probability, it is by no means necessary that his characters, or his
-incidents, should be trite, common, or vulgar; such as happen in every
-street, or in every house, or which may be met with in the home
-articles of a newspaper. Nor must he be inhibited from showing many
-persons and things, which may possibly have never fallen within the
-knowledge of great part of his readers. If the writer strictly
-observes the rules above-mentioned, he hath discharged his part; and
-is then intitled to some faith from his reader, who is indeed guilty
-of critical infidelity if he disbelieves him.
-
-For want of a portion of such faith, I remember the character of a
-young lady of quality, which was condemned on the stage for being
-unnatural, by the unanimous voice of a very large assembly of clerks
-and apprentices; though it had the previous suffrages of many ladies
-of the first rank; one of whom, very eminent for her understanding,
-declared it was the picture of half the young people of her
-acquaintance.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-In which the landlady pays a visit to Mr Jones.
-
-
-When Jones had taken leave of his friend the lieutenant, he
-endeavoured to close his eyes, but all in vain; his spirits were too
-lively and wakeful to be lulled to sleep. So having amused, or rather
-tormented, himself with the thoughts of his Sophia till it was open
-daylight, he called for some tea; upon which occasion my landlady
-herself vouchsafed to pay him a visit.
-
-This was indeed the first time she had seen him, or at least had taken
-any notice of him; but as the lieutenant had assured her that he was
-certainly some young gentleman of fashion, she now determined to show
-him all the respect in her power; for, to speak truly, this was one of
-those houses where gentlemen, to use the language of advertisements,
-meet with civil treatment for their money.
-
-She had no sooner begun to make his tea, than she likewise began to
-discourse:--"La! sir," said she, "I think it is great pity that such a
-pretty young gentleman should under-value himself so, as to go about
-with these soldier fellows. They call themselves gentlemen, I warrant
-you; but, as my first husband used to say, they should remember it is
-we that pay them. And to be sure it is very hard upon us to be obliged
-to pay them, and to keep 'um too, as we publicans are. I had twenty of
-'um last night, besides officers: nay, for matter o' that, I had
-rather have the soldiers than officers: for nothing is ever good
-enough for those sparks; and I am sure, if you was to see the bills;
-la! sir, it is nothing. I have had less trouble, I warrant you, with a
-good squire's family, where we take forty or fifty shillings of a
-night, besides horses. And yet I warrants me, there is narrow a one of
-those officer fellows but looks upon himself to be as good as arrow a
-squire of £500 a year. To be sure it doth me good to hear their men
-run about after 'um, crying your honour, and your honour. Marry come
-up with such honour, and an ordinary at a shilling a head. Then
-there's such swearing among 'um, to be sure it frightens me out o' my
-wits: I thinks nothing can ever prosper with such wicked people. And
-here one of 'um has used you in so barbarous a manner. I thought
-indeed how well the rest would secure him; they all hang together; for
-if you had been in danger of death, which I am glad to see you are
-not, it would have been all as one to such wicked people. They would
-have let the murderer go. Laud have mercy upon 'um; I would not have
-such a sin to answer for, for the whole world. But though you are
-likely, with the blessing, to recover, there is laa for him yet; and
-if you will employ lawyer Small, I darest be sworn he'll make the
-fellow fly the country for him; though perhaps he'll have fled the
-country before; for it is here to-day and gone to-morrow with such
-chaps. I hope, however, you will learn more wit for the future, and
-return back to your friends; I warrant they are all miserable for your
-loss; and if they was but to know what had happened--La, my seeming! I
-would not for the world they should. Come, come, we know very well
-what all the matter is; but if one won't, another will; so pretty a
-gentleman need never want a lady. I am sure, if I was you, I would see
-the finest she that ever wore a head hanged, before I would go for a
-soldier for her.--Nay, don't blush so" (for indeed he did to a violent
-degree). "Why, you thought, sir, I knew nothing of the matter, I
-warrant you, about Madam Sophia."--"How," says Jones, starting up, "do
-you know my Sophia?"--"Do I! ay marry," cries the landlady; "many's
-the time hath she lain in this house."--"With her aunt, I suppose,"
-says Jones. "Why, there it is now," cries the landlady. "Ay, ay, ay, I
-know the old lady very well. And a sweet young creature is Madam
-Sophia, that's the truth on't."--"A sweet creature," cries Jones; "O
-heavens!"
-
-  Angels are painted fair to look like her.
-  There's in her all that we believe of heav'n,
-  Amazing brightness, purity, and truth,
-  Eternal joy and everlasting love.
-
-"And could I ever have imagined that you had known my Sophia!"--"I
-wish," says the landlady, "you knew half so much of her. What would
-you have given to have sat by her bed-side? What a delicious neck she
-hath! Her lovely limbs have stretched themselves in that very bed you
-now lie in."--"Here!" cries Jones: "hath Sophia ever laid here?"--"Ay,
-ay, here; there, in that very bed," says the landlady; "where I wish
-you had her this moment; and she may wish so too for anything I know
-to the contrary, for she hath mentioned your name to me."--"Ha!" cries
-he; "did she ever mention her poor Jones? You flatter me now: I can
-never believe so much."--"Why, then," answered she, "as I hope to be
-saved, and may the devil fetch me if I speak a syllable more than the
-truth, I have heard her mention Mr Jones; but in a civil and modest
-way, I confess; yet I could perceive she thought a great deal more
-than she said."--"O my dear woman!" cries Jones, "her thoughts of me I
-shall never be worthy of. Oh, she is all gentleness, kindness,
-goodness! Why was such a rascal as I born, ever to give her soft bosom
-a moment's uneasiness? Why am I cursed? I, who would undergo all the
-plagues and miseries which any daemon ever invented for mankind, to
-procure her any good; nay, torture itself could not be misery to me,
-did I but know that she was happy."--"Why, look you there now," says
-the landlady; "I told her you was a constant lovier."--"But pray,
-madam, tell me when or where you knew anything of me; for I never was
-here before, nor do I remember ever to have seen you."--"Nor is it
-possible you should," answered she; "for you was a little thing when I
-had you in my lap at the squire's."--"How, the squire's?" says Jones:
-"what, do you know that great and good Mr Allworthy then?"--"Yes,
-marry, do I," says she: "who in the country doth not?"--"The fame of
-his goodness indeed," answered Jones, "must have extended farther than
-this; but heaven only can know him--can know that benevolence which it
-copied from itself, and sent upon earth as its own pattern. Mankind
-are as ignorant of such divine goodness, as they are unworthy of it;
-but none so unworthy of it as myself. I, who was raised by him to such
-a height; taken in, as you must well know, a poor base-born child,
-adopted by him, and treated as his own son, to dare by my follies to
-disoblige him, to draw his vengeance upon me. Yes, I deserve it all;
-for I will never be so ungrateful as ever to think he hath done an act
-of injustice by me. No, I deserve to be turned out of doors, as I am.
-And now, madam," says he, "I believe you will not blame me for turning
-soldier, especially with such a fortune as this in my pocket." At
-which words he shook a purse, which had but very little in it, and
-which still appeared to the landlady to have less.
-
-My good landlady was (according to vulgar phrase) struck all of a heap
-by this relation. She answered coldly, "That to be sure people were
-the best judges what was most proper for their circumstances. But
-hark," says she, "I think I hear somebody call. Coming! coming! the
-devil's in all our volk; nobody hath any ears. I must go down-stairs;
-if you want any more breakfast the maid will come up. Coming!" At
-which words, without taking any leave, she flung out of the room; for
-the lower sort of people are very tenacious of respect; and though
-they are contented to give this gratis to persons of quality, yet they
-never confer it on those of their own order without taking care to be
-well paid for their pains.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-In which the surgeon makes his second appearance.
-
-
-Before we proceed any farther, that the reader may not be mistaken in
-imagining the landlady knew more than she did, nor surprized that she
-knew so much, it may be necessary to inform him that the lieutenant
-had acquainted her that the name of Sophia had been the occasion of
-the quarrel; and as for the rest of her knowledge, the sagacious
-reader will observe how she came by it in the preceding scene. Great
-curiosity was indeed mixed with her virtues; and she never willingly
-suffered any one to depart from her house, without enquiring as much
-as possible into their names, families, and fortunes.
-
-She was no sooner gone than Jones, instead of animadverting on her
-behaviour, reflected that he was in the same bed which he was informed
-had held his dear Sophia. This occasioned a thousand fond and tender
-thoughts, which we would dwell longer upon, did we not consider that
-such kind of lovers will make a very inconsiderable part of our
-readers. In this situation the surgeon found him, when he came to
-dress his wound. The doctor perceiving, upon examination, that his
-pulse was disordered, and hearing that he had not slept, declared that
-he was in great danger; for he apprehended a fever was coming on,
-which he would have prevented by bleeding, but Jones would not submit,
-declaring he would lose no more blood; "and, doctor," says he, "if you
-will be so kind only to dress my head, I have no doubt of being well
-in a day or two."
-
-"I wish," answered the surgeon, "I could assure your being well in a
-month or two. Well, indeed! No, no, people are not so soon well of
-such contusions; but, sir, I am not at this time of day to be
-instructed in my operations by a patient, and I insist on making a
-revulsion before I dress you."
-
-Jones persisted obstinately in his refusal, and the doctor at last
-yielded; telling him at the same time that he would not be answerable
-for the ill consequence, and hoped he would do him the justice to
-acknowledge that he had given him a contrary advice; which the patient
-promised he would.
-
-The doctor retired into the kitchen, where, addressing himself to the
-landlady, he complained bitterly of the undutiful behaviour of his
-patient, who would not be blooded, though he was in a fever.
-
-"It is an eating fever then," says the landlady; "for he hath devoured
-two swinging buttered toasts this morning for breakfast."
-
-"Very likely," says the doctor: "I have known people eat in a fever;
-and it is very easily accounted for; because the acidity occasioned by
-the febrile matter may stimulate the nerves of the diaphragm, and
-thereby occasion a craving which will not be easily distinguishable
-from a natural appetite; but the aliment will not be concreted, nor
-assimilated into chyle, and so will corrode the vascular orifices, and
-thus will aggravate the febrific symptoms. Indeed, I think the
-gentleman in a very dangerous way, and, if he is not blooded, I am
-afraid will die."
-
-"Every man must die some time or other," answered the good woman; "it
-is no business of mine. I hope, doctor, you would not have me hold him
-while you bleed him. But, hark'ee, a word in your ear; I would advise
-you, before you proceed too far, to take care who is to be your
-paymaster."
-
-"Paymaster!" said the doctor, staring; "why, I've a gentleman under my
-hands, have I not?"
-
-"I imagined so as well as you," said the landlady; "but, as my first
-husband used to say, everything is not what it looks to be. He is an
-arrant scrub, I assure you. However, take no notice that I mentioned
-anything to you of the matter; but I think people in business oft
-always to let one another know such things."
-
-"And have I suffered such a fellow as this," cries the doctor, in a
-passion, "to instruct me? Shall I hear my practice insulted by one who
-will not pay me? I am glad I have made this discovery in time. I will
-see now whether he will be blooded or no." He then immediately went
-upstairs, and flinging open the door of the chamber with much
-violence, awaked poor Jones from a very sound nap, into which he was
-fallen, and, what was still worse, from a delicious dream concerning
-Sophia.
-
-"Will you be blooded or no?" cries the doctor, in a rage. "I have told
-you my resolution already," answered Jones, "and I wish with all my
-heart you had taken my answer; for you have awaked me out of the
-sweetest sleep which I ever had in my life."
-
-"Ay, ay," cries the doctor; "many a man hath dozed away his life.
-Sleep is not always good, no more than food; but remember, I demand of
-you for the last time, will you be blooded?"--"I answer you for the
-last time," said Jones, "I will not."--"Then I wash my hands of you,"
-cries the doctor; "and I desire you to pay me for the trouble I have
-had already. Two journeys at 5s. each, two dressings at 5s. more, and
-half a crown for phlebotomy."--"I hope," said Jones, "you don't intend
-to leave me in this condition."--"Indeed but I shall," said the other.
-"Then," said Jones, "you have used me rascally, and I will not pay you
-a farthing."--"Very well," cries the doctor; "the first loss is the
-best. What a pox did my landlady mean by sending for me to such
-vagabonds!" At which words he flung out of the room, and his patient
-turning himself about soon recovered his sleep; but his dream was
-unfortunately gone.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-In which is introduced one of the pleasantest barbers that was ever
-recorded in history, the barber of Bagdad, or he in Don Quixote, not
-excepted.
-
-
-The clock had now struck five when Jones awaked from a nap of seven
-hours, so much refreshed, and in such perfect health and spirits, that
-he resolved to get up and dress himself; for which purpose he unlocked
-his portmanteau, and took out clean linen, and a suit of cloaths; but
-first he slipt on a frock, and went down into the kitchen to bespeak
-something that might pacify certain tumults he found rising within his
-stomach.
-
-Meeting the landlady, he accosted her with great civility, and asked,
-"What he could have for dinner?"--"For dinner!" says she; "it is an
-odd time a day to think about dinner. There is nothing drest in the
-house, and the fire is almost out."--"Well, but," says he, "I must
-have something to eat, and it is almost indifferent to me what; for,
-to tell you the truth, I was never more hungry in my life."--"Then,"
-says she, "I believe there is a piece of cold buttock and carrot,
-which will fit you."--"Nothing better," answered Jones; "but I should
-be obliged to you, if you would let it be fried." To which the
-landlady consented, and said, smiling, "she was glad to see him so
-well recovered;" for the sweetness of our heroe's temper was almost
-irresistible; besides, she was really no ill-humoured woman at the
-bottom; but she loved money so much, that she hated everything which
-had the semblance of poverty.
-
-Jones now returned in order to dress himself, while his dinner was
-preparing, and was, according to his orders, attended by the barber.
-
-This barber, who went by the name of Little Benjamin, was a fellow of
-great oddity and humour, which had frequently let him into small
-inconveniencies, such as slaps in the face, kicks in the breech,
-broken bones, &c. For every one doth not understand a jest; and those
-who do are often displeased with being themselves the subjects of it.
-This vice was, however, incurable in him; and though he had often
-smarted for it, yet if ever he conceived a joke, he was certain to be
-delivered of it, without the least respect of persons, time, or place.
-
-He had a great many other particularities in his character, which I
-shall not mention, as the reader will himself very easily perceive
-them, on his farther acquaintance with this extraordinary person.
-
-Jones being impatient to be drest, for a reason which may be easily
-imagined, thought the shaver was very tedious in preparing his suds,
-and begged him to make haste; to which the other answered with much
-gravity, for he never discomposed his muscles on any account,
-"_Festina lente_, is a proverb which I learned long before I ever
-touched a razor."--"I find, friend, you are a scholar," replied Jones.
-"A poor one," said the barber, "_non omnia possumus omnes._"--"Again!"
-said Jones; "I fancy you are good at capping verses."--"Excuse me,
-sir," said the barber, "_non tanto me dignor honore_." And then
-proceeding to his operation, "Sir," said he, "since I have dealt in
-suds, I could never discover more than two reasons for shaving; the
-one is to get a beard, and the other to get rid of one. I conjecture,
-sir, it may not be long since you shaved from the former of these
-motives. Upon my word, you have had good success; for one may say of
-your beard, that it is _tondenti gravior_."--"I conjecture," says
-Jones, "that thou art a very comical fellow."--"You mistake me widely,
-sir," said the barber: "I am too much addicted to the study of
-philosophy; _hinc illae lacrymae_, sir; that's my misfortune. Too much
-learning hath been my ruin."--"Indeed," says Jones, "I confess,
-friend, you have more learning than generally belongs to your trade;
-but I can't see how it can have injured you."--"Alas! sir," answered
-the shaver, "my father disinherited me for it. He was a
-dancing-master; and because I could read before I could dance, he took
-an aversion to me, and left every farthing among his other
-children.--Will you please to have your temples--O la! I ask your
-pardon, I fancy there is _hiatus in manuscriptis_. I heard you was
-going to the wars; but I find it was a mistake."--"Why do you conclude
-so?" says Jones. "Sure, sir," answered the barber, "you are too wise a
-man to carry a broken head thither; for that would be carrying coals
-to Newcastle."
-
-"Upon my word," cries Jones, "thou art a very odd fellow, and I like
-thy humour extremely; I shall be very glad if thou wilt come to me
-after dinner, and drink a glass with me; I long to be better
-acquainted with thee."
-
-"O dear sir!" said the barber, "I can do you twenty times as great a
-favour, if you will accept of it."--"What is that, my friend?" cries
-Jones. "Why, I will drink a bottle with you if you please; for I
-dearly love good-nature; and as you have found me out to be a comical
-fellow, so I have no skill in physiognomy, if you are not one of the
-best-natured gentlemen in the universe." Jones now walked downstairs
-neatly drest, and perhaps the fair Adonis was not a lovelier figure;
-and yet he had no charms for my landlady; for as that good woman did
-not resemble Venus at all in her person, so neither did she in her
-taste. Happy had it been for Nanny the chambermaid, if she had seen
-with the eyes of her mistress, for that poor girl fell so violently in
-love with Jones in five minutes, that her passion afterwards cost her
-many a sigh. This Nanny was extremely pretty, and altogether as coy;
-for she had refused a drawer, and one or two young farmers in the
-neighbourhood, but the bright eyes of our heroe thawed all her ice in
-a moment.
-
-When Jones returned to the kitchen, his cloth was not yet laid; nor
-indeed was there any occasion it should, his dinner remaining _in
-statu quo_, as did the fire which was to dress it. This disappointment
-might have put many a philosophical temper into a passion; but it had
-no such effect on Jones. He only gave the landlady a gentle rebuke,
-saying, "Since it was so difficult to get it heated he would eat the
-beef cold." But now the good woman, whether moved by compassion, or by
-shame, or by whatever other motive, I cannot tell, first gave her
-servants a round scold for disobeying the orders which she had never
-given, and then bidding the drawer lay a napkin in the Sun, she set
-about the matter in good earnest, and soon accomplished it.
-
-This Sun, into which Jones was now conducted, was truly named, as
-_lucus a non lucendo_; for it was an apartment into which the sun had
-scarce ever looked. It was indeed the worst room in the house; and
-happy was it for Jones that it was so. However, he was now too hungry
-to find any fault; but having once satisfied his appetite, he ordered
-the drawer to carry a bottle of wine into a better room, and expressed
-some resentment at having been shown into a dungeon.
-
-The drawer having obeyed his commands, he was, after some time,
-attended by the barber, who would not indeed have suffered him to wait
-so long for his company had he not been listening in the kitchen to
-the landlady, who was entertaining a circle that she had gathered
-round her with the history of poor Jones, part of which she had
-extracted from his own lips, and the other part was her own ingenious
-composition; for she said "he was a poor parish boy, taken into the
-house of Squire Allworthy, where he was bred up as an apprentice, and
-now turned out of doors for his misdeeds, particularly for making love
-to his young mistress, and probably for robbing the house; for how
-else should he come by the little money he hath; and this," says she,
-"is your gentleman, forsooth!"--"A servant of Squire Allworthy!" says
-the barber; "what's his name?"--"Why he told me his name was Jones,"
-says she: "perhaps he goes by a wrong name. Nay, and he told me, too,
-that the squire had maintained him as his own son, thof he had
-quarrelled with him now."--"And if his name be Jones, he told you the
-truth," said the barber; "for I have relations who live in that
-country; nay, and some people say he is his son."--"Why doth he not go
-by the name of his father?"--"I can't tell that," said the barber;
-"many people's sons don't go by the name of their father."--"Nay,"
-said the landlady, "if I thought he was a gentleman's son, thof he was
-a bye-blow, I should behave to him in another guess manner; for many
-of these bye-blows come to be great men, and, as my poor first husband
-used to say, never affront any customer that's a gentleman."
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-A dialogue between Mr Jones and the barber.
-
-
-This conversation passed partly while Jones was at dinner in his
-dungeon, and partly while he was expecting the barber in the parlour.
-And, as soon as it was ended, Mr Benjamin, as we have said, attended
-him, and was very kindly desired to sit down. Jones then filling out a
-glass of wine, drank his health by the appellation of _doctissime
-tonsorum_. "_Ago tibi gratias, domine_" said the barber; and then
-looking very steadfastly at Jones, he said, with great gravity, and
-with a seeming surprize, as if he had recollected a face he had seen
-before, "Sir, may I crave the favour to know if your name is not
-Jones?" To which the other answered, "That it was."--"_Proh deum atque
-hominum fidem_!" says the barber; "how strangely things come to pass!
-Mr Jones, I am your most obedient servant. I find you do not know me,
-which indeed is no wonder, since you never saw me but once, and then
-you was very young. Pray, sir, how doth the good Squire Allworthy? how
-doth _ille optimus omnium patronus_?"--"I find," said Jones, "you do
-indeed know me; but I have not the like happiness of recollecting
-you."--"I do not wonder at that," cries Benjamin; "but I am surprized
-I did not know you sooner, for you are not in the least altered. And
-pray, sir, may I, without offence, enquire whither you are travelling
-this way?"--"Fill the glass, Mr Barber," said Jones, "and ask no more
-questions."--"Nay, sir," answered Benjamin, "I would not be
-troublesome; and I hope you don't think me a man of an impertinent
-curiosity, for that is a vice which nobody can lay to my charge; but I
-ask pardon; for when a gentleman of your figure travels without his
-servants, we may suppose him to be, as we say, _in casu incognito_,
-and perhaps I ought not to have mentioned your name."--"I own," says
-Jones, "I did not expect to have been so well known in this country as
-I find I am; yet, for particular reasons, I shall be obliged to you if
-you will not mention my name to any other person till I am gone from
-hence."--"_Pauca verba_," answered the barber;" and I wish no other
-here knew you but myself; for some people have tongues; but I promise
-you I can keep a secret. My enemies will allow me that virtue."--"And
-yet that is not the characteristic of your profession, Mr Barber,"
-answered Jones. "Alas! sir," replied Benjamin, "_Non si male nunc et
-olim sic erit_. I was not born nor bred a barber, I assure you. I have
-spent most of my time among gentlemen, and though I say it, I
-understand something of gentility. And if you had thought me as worthy
-of your confidence as you have some other people, I should have shown
-you I could have kept a secret better. I should not have degraded your
-name in a public kitchen; for indeed, sir, some people have not used
-you well; for besides making a public proclamation of what you told
-them of a quarrel between yourself and Squire Allworthy, they added
-lies of their own, things which I knew to be lies."--"You surprize me
-greatly," cries Jones. "Upon my word, sir," answered Benjamin, "I tell
-the truth, and I need not tell you my landlady was the person. I am
-sure it moved me to hear the story, and I hope it is all false; for I
-have a great respect for you, I do assure you I have, and have had
-ever since the good-nature you showed to Black George, which was
-talked of all over the country, and I received more than one letter
-about it. Indeed, it made you beloved by everybody. You will pardon
-me, therefore; for it was real concern at what I heard made me ask
-many questions; for I have no impertinent curiosity about me: but I
-love good-nature and thence became _amoris abundantia erga te_."
-
-Every profession of friendship easily gains credit with the miserable;
-it is no wonder therefore, if Jones, who, besides his being miserable,
-was extremely open-hearted, very readily believed all the professions
-of Benjamin, and received him into his bosom. The scraps of Latin,
-some of which Benjamin applied properly enough, though it did not
-savour of profound literature, seemed yet to indicate something
-superior to a common barber; and so indeed did his whole behaviour.
-Jones therefore believed the truth of what he had said, as to his
-original and education; and at length, after much entreaty, he said,
-"Since you have heard, my friend, so much of my affairs, and seem so
-desirous to know the truth, if you will have patience to hear it, I
-will inform you of the whole."--"Patience!" cries Benjamin, "that I
-will, if the chapter was never so long; and I am very much obliged to
-you for the honour you do me."
-
-Jones now began, and related the whole history, forgetting only a
-circumstance or two, namely, everything which passed on that day in
-which he had fought with Thwackum; and ended with his resolution to go
-to sea, till the rebellion in the North had made him change his
-purpose, and had brought him to the place where he then was.
-
-Little Benjamin, who had been all attention, never once interrupted
-the narrative; but when it was ended he could not help observing, that
-there must be surely something more invented by his enemies, and told
-Mr Allworthy against him, or so good a man would never have dismissed
-one he had loved so tenderly, in such a manner. To which Jones
-answered, "He doubted not but such villanous arts had been made use of
-to destroy him."
-
-And surely it was scarce possible for any one to have avoided making
-the same remark with the barber, who had not indeed heard from Jones
-one single circumstance upon which he was condemned; for his actions
-were not now placed in those injurious lights in which they had been
-misrepresented to Allworthy; nor could he mention those many false
-accusations which had been from time to time preferred against him to
-Allworthy: for with none of these he was himself acquainted. He had
-likewise, as we have observed, omitted many material facts in his
-present relation. Upon the whole, indeed, everything now appeared in
-such favourable colours to Jones, that malice itself would have found
-it no easy matter to fix any blame upon him.
-
-Not that Jones desired to conceal or to disguise the truth; nay, he
-would have been more unwilling to have suffered any censure to fall on
-Mr Allworthy for punishing him, than on his own actions for deserving
-it; but, in reality, so it happened, and so it always will happen; for
-let a man be never so honest, the account of his own conduct will, in
-spite of himself, be so very favourable, that his vices will come
-purified through his lips, and, like foul liquors well strained, will
-leave all their foulness behind. For though the facts themselves may
-appear, yet so different will be the motives, circumstances, and
-consequences, when a man tells his own story, and when his enemy tells
-it, that we scarce can recognise the facts to be one and the same.
-
-Though the barber had drank down this story with greedy ears, he was
-not yet satisfied. There was a circumstance behind which his
-curiosity, cold as it was, most eagerly longed for. Jones had
-mentioned the fact of his amour, and of his being the rival of Blifil,
-but had cautiously concealed the name of the young lady. The barber,
-therefore, after some hesitation, and many hums and hahs, at last
-begged leave to crave the name of the lady, who appeared to be the
-principal cause of all this mischief. Jones paused a moment, and then
-said, "Since I have trusted you with so much, and since, I am afraid,
-her name is become too publick already on this occasion, I will not
-conceal it from you. Her name is Sophia Western."
-
-"_Proh deum atque hominum fidem_! Squire Western hath a daughter grown
-a woman!"--"Ay, and such a woman," cries Jones, "that the world cannot
-match. No eye ever saw anything so beautiful; but that is her least
-excellence. Such sense! such goodness! Oh, I could praise her for
-ever, and yet should omit half her virtues!"--"Mr Western a daughter
-grown up!" cries the barber: "I remember the father a boy; well,
-_Tempus edax rerum_."
-
-The wine being now at an end, the barber pressed very eagerly to be
-his bottle; but Jones absolutely refused, saying, "He had already
-drank more than he ought: and that he now chose to retire to his room,
-where he wished he could procure himself a book."--"A book!" cries
-Benjamin; "what book would you have? Latin or English? I have some
-curious books in both languages; such as _Erasmi Colloquia, Ovid de
-Tristibus, Gradus ad Parnassum;_ and in English I have several of the
-best books, though some of them are a little torn; but I have a great
-part of Stowe's Chronicle; the sixth volume of Pope's Homer; the third
-volume of the Spectator; the second volume of Echard's Roman History;
-the Craftsman; Robinson Crusoe; Thomas a Kempis; and two volumes of
-Tom Brown's Works."
-
-"Those last," cries Jones, "are books I never saw, so if you please
-lend me one of those volumes." The barber assured him he would be
-highly entertained, for he looked upon the author to have been one of
-the greatest wits that ever the nation produced. He then stepped to
-his house, which was hard by, and immediately returned; after which,
-the barber having received very strict injunctions of secrecy from
-Jones, and having sworn inviolably to maintain it, they separated; the
-barber went home, and Jones retired to his chamber.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-In which more of the talents of Mr Benjamin will appear, as well as
-who this extraordinary person was.
-
-
-In the morning Jones grew a little uneasy at the desertion of his
-surgeon, as he apprehended some inconvenience, or even danger, might
-attend the not dressing his wound; he enquired of the drawer, what
-other surgeons were to be met with in that neighbourhood. The drawer
-told him, there was one not far off; but he had known him often refuse
-to be concerned after another had been sent before him; "but, sir,"
-says he, "if you will take my advice, there is not a man in the
-kingdom can do your business better than the barber who was with you
-last night. We look upon him to be one of the ablest men at a cut in
-all this neighbourhood. For though he hath not been her above three
-months, he hath done several great cures."
-
-The drawer was presently dispatched for Little Benjamin, who being
-acquainted in what capacity he was wanted, prepared himself
-accordingly, and attended; but with so different an air and aspect
-from that which he wore when his basin was under his arm, that he
-could scarce be known to be the same person.
-
-"So, tonsor," says Jones, "I find you have more trades than one; how
-came you not to inform me of this last night?"--"A surgeon," answered
-Benjamin, with great gravity, "is a profession, not a trade. The
-reason why I did not acquaint you last night that I professed this
-art, was, that I then concluded you was under the hands of another
-gentleman, and I never love to interfere with my brethren in their
-business. _Ars omnibus communis_. But now, sir, if you please, I will
-inspect your head, and when I see into your skull, I will give my
-opinion of your case."
-
-Jones had no great faith in this new professor; however, he suffered
-him to open the bandage and to look at his wound; which as soon as he
-had done, Benjamin began to groan and shake his head violently. Upon
-which Jones, in a peevish manner, bid him not play the fool, but tell
-him in what condition he found him. "Shall I answer you as a surgeon,
-or a friend?" said Benjamin. "As a friend, and seriously," said Jones.
-"Why then, upon my soul," cries Benjamin, "it would require a great
-deal of art to keep you from being well after a very few dressings;
-and if you will suffer me to apply some salve of mine, I will answer
-for the success." Jones gave his consent, and the plaister was applied
-accordingly.
-
-"There, sir," cries Benjamin: "now I will, if you please, resume my
-former self; but a man is obliged to keep up some dignity in his
-countenance whilst he is performing these operations, or the world
-will not submit to be handled by him. You can't imagine, sir, of how
-much consequence a grave aspect is to a grave character. A barber may
-make you laugh, but a surgeon ought rather to make you cry."
-
-"Mr Barber, or Mr Surgeon, or Mr Barber-surgeon," said Jones. "O dear
-sir!" answered Benjamin, interrupting him, "_Infandum, regina, jubes
-renovare dolorem_. You recall to my mind that cruel separation of the
-united fraternities, so much to the prejudice of both bodies, as all
-separations must be, according to the old adage, _Vis unita fortior_;
-which to be sure there are not wanting some of one or of the other
-fraternity who are able to construe. What a blow was this to me, who
-unite both in my own person!" "Well, by whatever name you please to be
-called," continued Jones, "you certainly are one of the oddest, most
-comical fellows I ever met with, and must have something very
-surprizing in your story, which you must confess I have a right to
-hear."--"I do confess it," answered Benjamin, "and will very readily
-acquaint you with it, when you have sufficient leisure, for I promise
-you it will require a good deal of time." Jones told him, he could
-never be more at leisure than at present. "Well, then," said Benjamin,
-"I will obey you; but first I will fasten the door, that none may
-interrupt us." He did so, and then advancing with a solemn air to
-Jones, said: "I must begin by telling you, sir, that you yourself have
-been the greatest enemy I ever had." Jones was a little startled at
-this sudden declaration. "I your enemy, sir!" says he, with much
-amazement, and some sternness in his look. "Nay, be not angry," said
-Benjamin, "for I promise you I am not. You are perfectly innocent of
-having intended me any wrong; for you was then an infant: but I shall,
-I believe, unriddle all this the moment I mention my name. Did you
-never hear, sir, of one Partridge, who had the honour of being reputed
-your father, and the misfortune of being ruined by that honour?" "I
-have, indeed, heard of that Partridge," says Jones, "and have always
-believed myself to be his son." "Well, sir," answered Benjamin, "I am
-that Partridge; but I here absolve you from all filial duty, for I do
-assure you, you are no son of mine." "How!" replied Jones, "and is it
-possible that a false suspicion should have drawn all the ill
-consequences upon you, with which I am too well acquainted?" "It is
-possible," cries Benjamin, "for it is so: but though it is natural
-enough for men to hate even the innocent causes of their sufferings,
-yet I am of a different temper. I have loved you ever since I heard of
-your behaviour to Black George, as I told you; and I am convinced,
-from this extraordinary meeting, that you are born to make me amends
-for all I have suffered on that account. Besides, I dreamt, the night
-before I saw you, that I stumbled over a stool without hurting myself;
-which plainly showed me something good was towards me: and last night
-I dreamt again, that I rode behind you on a milk-white mare, which is
-a very excellent dream, and betokens much good fortune, which I am
-resolved to pursue unless you have the cruelty to deny me."
-
-"I should be very glad, Mr Partridge," answered Jones, "to have it in
-my power to make you amends for your sufferings on my account, though
-at present I see no likelihood of it; however, I assure you I will
-deny you nothing which is in my power to grant."
-
-"It is in your power sure enough," replied Benjamin; "for I desire
-nothing more than leave to attend you in this expedition. Nay, I have
-so entirely set my heart upon it, that if you should refuse me, you
-will kill both a barber and a surgeon in one breath."
-
-Jones answered, smiling, that he should be very sorry to be the
-occasion of so much mischief to the public. He then advanced many
-prudential reasons, in order to dissuade Benjamin (whom we shall
-hereafter call Partridge) from his purpose; but all were in vain.
-Partridge relied strongly on his dream of the milk-white mare.
-"Besides, sir," says he, "I promise you I have as good an inclination
-to the cause as any man can possibly have; and go I will, whether you
-admit me to go in your company or not."
-
-Jones, who was as much pleased with Partridge as Partridge could be
-with him, and who had not consulted his own inclination but the good
-of the other in desiring him to stay behind, when he found his friend
-so resolute, at last gave his consent; but then recollecting himself,
-he said, "Perhaps, Mr Partridge, you think I shall be able to support
-you, but I really am not;" and then taking out his purse, he told out
-nine guineas, which he declared were his whole fortune.
-
-Partridge answered, "That his dependence was only on his future
-favour; for he was thoroughly convinced he would shortly have enough
-in his power. At present, sir," said he, "I believe I am rather the
-richer man of the two; but all I have is at your service, and at your
-disposal. I insist upon your taking the whole, and I beg only to
-attend you in the quality of your servant; _Nil desperandum est Teucro
-duce et auspice Teucro_": but to this generous proposal concerning the
-money, Jones would by no means submit.
-
-It was resolved to set out the next morning, when a difficulty arose
-concerning the baggage; for the portmanteau of Mr Jones was too large
-to be carried without a horse.
-
-"If I may presume to give my advice," says Partridge, "this
-portmanteau, with everything in it, except a few shirts, should be
-left behind. Those I shall be easily able to carry for you, and the
-rest of your cloaths will remain very safe locked up in my house."
-
-This method was no sooner proposed than agreed to; and then the barber
-departed, in order to prepare everything for his intended expedition.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Containing better reasons than any which have yet appeared for the
-conduct of Partridge; an apology for the weakness of Jones; and some
-further anecdotes concerning my landlady.
-
-
-Though Partridge was one of the most superstitious of men, he would
-hardly perhaps have desired to accompany Jones on his expedition
-merely from the omens of the joint-stool and white mare, if his
-prospect had been no better than to have shared the plunder gained in
-the field of battle. In fact, when Partridge came to ruminate on the
-relation he had heard from Jones, he could not reconcile to himself
-that Mr Allworthy should turn his son (for so he most firmly believed
-him to be) out of doors, for any reason which he had heard assigned.
-He concluded, therefore, that the whole was a fiction, and that Jones,
-of whom he had often from his correspondents heard the wildest
-character, had in reality run away from his father. It came into his
-head, therefore, that if he could prevail with the young gentleman to
-return back to his father, he should by that means render a service to
-Allworthy, which would obliterate all his former anger; nay, indeed,
-he conceived that very anger was counterfeited, and that Allworthy had
-sacrificed him to his own reputation. And this suspicion indeed he
-well accounted for, from the tender behaviour of that excellent man to
-the foundling child; from his great severity to Partridge, who,
-knowing himself to be innocent, could not conceive that any other
-should think him guilty; lastly, from the allowance which he had
-privately received long after the annuity had been publickly taken
-from him, and which he looked upon as a kind of smart-money, or rather
-by way of atonement for injustice; for it is very uncommon, I believe,
-for men to ascribe the benefactions they receive to pure charity, when
-they can possibly impute them to any other motive. If he could by any
-means therefore persuade the young gentleman to return home, he
-doubted not but that he should again be received into the favour of
-Allworthy, and well rewarded for his pains; nay, and should be again
-restored to his native country; a restoration which Ulysses himself
-never wished more heartily than poor Partridge.
-
-As for Jones, he was well satisfied with the truth of what the other
-had asserted, and believed that Partridge had no other inducements but
-love to him, and zeal for the cause; a blameable want of caution and
-diffidence in the veracity of others, in which he was highly worthy of
-censure. To say the truth, there are but two ways by which men become
-possessed of this excellent quality. The one is from long experience,
-and the other is from nature; which last, I presume, is often meant by
-genius, or great natural parts; and it is infinitely the better of the
-two, not only as we are masters of it much earlier in life, but as it
-is much more infallible and conclusive; for a man who hath been
-imposed on by ever so many, may still hope to find others more honest;
-whereas he who receives certain necessary admonitions from within,
-that this is impossible, must have very little understanding indeed,
-if he ever renders himself liable to be once deceived. As Jones had
-not this gift from nature, he was too young to have gained it by
-experience; for at the diffident wisdom which is to be acquired this
-way, we seldom arrive till very late in life; which is perhaps the
-reason why some old men are apt to despise the understandings of all
-those who are a little younger than themselves.
-
-Jones spent most part of the day in the company of a new acquaintance.
-This was no other than the landlord of the house, or rather the
-husband of the landlady. He had but lately made his descent
-downstairs, after a long fit of the gout, in which distemper he was
-generally confined to his room during one half of the year; and during
-the rest, he walked about the house, smoaked his pipe, and drank his
-bottle with his friends, without concerning himself in the least with
-any kind of business. He had been bred, as they call it, a gentleman;
-that is, bred up to do nothing; and had spent a very small fortune,
-which he inherited from an industrious farmer his uncle, in hunting,
-horse-racing, and cock-fighting, and had been married by my landlady
-for certain purposes, which he had long since desisted from answering;
-for which she hated him heartily. But as he was a surly kind of
-fellow, so she contented herself with frequently upbraiding him by
-disadvantageous comparisons with her first husband, whose praise she
-had eternally in her mouth; and as she was for the most part mistress
-of the profit, so she was satisfied to take upon herself the care and
-government of the family, and, after a long successless struggle, to
-suffer her husband to be master of himself.
-
-In the evening, when Jones retired to his room, a small dispute arose
-between this fond couple concerning him:--"What," says the wife, "you
-have been tippling with the gentleman, I see?"--"Yes," answered the
-husband, "we have cracked a bottle together, and a very gentlemanlike
-man he is, and hath a very pretty notion of horse-flesh. Indeed, he is
-young, and hath not seen much of the world; for I believe he hath been
-at very few horse-races."--"Oho! he is one of your order, is he?"
-replies the landlady: "he must be a gentleman to be sure, if he is a
-horse-racer. The devil fetch such gentry! I am sure I wish I had never
-seen any of them. I have reason to love horse-racers truly!"--"That
-you have," says the husband; "for I was one, you know."--"Yes,"
-answered she, "you are a pure one indeed. As my first husband used to
-say, I may put all the good I have ever got by you in my eyes, and see
-never the worse."--"D--n your first husband!" cries he. "Don't d--n a
-better man than yourself," answered the wife: "if he had been alive,
-you durst not have done it."--"Then you think," says he, "I have not
-so much courage as yourself; for you have d--n'd him often in my
-hearing."--"If I did," says she, "I have repented of it many's the
-good time and oft. And if he was so good to forgive me a word spoken
-in haste or so, it doth not become such a one as you to twitter me. He
-was a husband to me, he was; and if ever I did make use of an ill word
-or so in a passion, I never called him rascal; I should have told a
-lie, if I had called him rascal." Much more she said, but not in his
-hearing; for having lighted his pipe, he staggered off as fast as he
-could. We shall therefore transcribe no more of her speech, as it
-approached still nearer and nearer to a subject too indelicate to find
-any place in this history.
-
-Early in the morning Partridge appeared at the bedside of Jones, ready
-equipped for the journey, with his knapsack at his back. This was his
-own workmanship; for besides his other trades, he was no indifferent
-taylor. He had already put up his whole stock of linen in it,
-consisting of four shirts, to which he now added eight for Mr Jones;
-and then packing up the portmanteau, he was departing with it towards
-his own house, but was stopt in his way by the landlady, who refused
-to suffer any removals till after the payment of the reckoning.
-
-The landlady was, as we have said, absolute governess in these
-regions; it was therefore necessary to comply with her rules; so the
-bill was presently writ out, which amounted to a much larger sum than
-might have been expected, from the entertainment which Jones had met
-with. But here we are obliged to disclose some maxims, which publicans
-hold to be the grand mysteries of their trade. The first is, If they
-have anything good in their house (which indeed very seldom happens)
-to produce it only to persons who travel with great equipages. 2dly,
-To charge the same for the very worst provisions, as if they were the
-best. And lastly, If any of their guests call but for little, to make
-them pay a double price for everything they have; so that the amount
-by the head may be much the same.
-
-The bill being made and discharged, Jones set forward with Partridge,
-carrying his knapsack; nor did the landlady condescend to wish him a
-good journey; for this was, it seems, an inn frequented by people of
-fashion; and I know not whence it is, but all those who get their
-livelihood by people of fashion, contract as much insolence to the
-rest of mankind, as if they really belonged to that rank themselves.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Jones arrives at Gloucester, and goes to the Bell; the character of
-that house, and of a petty-fogger which he there meets with.
-
-
-Mr Jones and Partridge, or Little Benjamin (which epithet of Little
-was perhaps given him ironically, he being in reality near six feet
-high), having left their last quarters in the manner before described,
-travelled on to Gloucester without meeting any adventure worth
-relating.
-
-Being arrived here, they chose for their house of entertainment the
-sign of the Bell, an excellent house indeed, and which I do most
-seriously recommend to every reader who shall visit this antient city.
-The master of it is brother to the great preacher Whitefield; but is
-absolutely untainted with the pernicious principles of Methodism, or
-of any other heretical sect. He is indeed a very honest plain man,
-and, in my opinion, not likely to create any disturbance either in
-church or state. His wife hath, I believe, had much pretension to
-beauty, and is still a very fine woman. Her person and deportment
-might have made a shining figure in the politest assemblies; but
-though she must be conscious of this and many other perfections, she
-seems perfectly contented with, and resigned to, that state of life to
-which she is called; and this resignation is entirely owing to the
-prudence and wisdom of her temper; for she is at present as free from
-any Methodistical notions as her husband: I say at present; for she
-freely confesses that her brother's documents made at first some
-impression upon her, and that she had put herself to the expense of a
-long hood, in order to attend the extraordinary emotions of the
-Spirit; but having found, during an experiment of three weeks, no
-emotions, she says, worth a farthing, she very wisely laid by her
-hood, and abandoned the sect. To be concise, she is a very friendly
-good-natured woman; and so industrious to oblige, that the guests must
-be of a very morose disposition who are not extremely well satisfied
-in her house.
-
-Mrs Whitefield happened to be in the yard when Jones and his attendant
-marched in. Her sagacity soon discovered in the air of our heroe
-something which distinguished him from the vulgar. She ordered her
-servants, therefore, immediately to show him into a room, and
-presently afterwards invited him to dinner with herself; which
-invitation he very thankfully accepted; for indeed much less agreeable
-company than that of Mrs Whitefield, and a much worse entertainment
-than she had provided, would have been welcome after so long fasting
-and so long a walk.
-
-Besides Mr Jones and the good governess of the mansion, there sat down
-at table an attorney of Salisbury, indeed the very same who had
-brought the news of Mrs Blifil's death to Mr Allworthy, and whose
-name, which I think we did not before mention, was Dowling: there was
-likewise present another person, who stiled himself a lawyer, and who
-lived somewhere near Linlinch, in Somersetshire. This fellow, I say,
-stiled himself a lawyer, but was indeed a most vile petty-fogger,
-without sense or knowledge of any kind; one of those who may be termed
-train-bearers to the law; a sort of supernumeraries in the profession,
-who are the hackneys of attorneys, and will ride more miles for
-half-a-crown than a postboy.
-
-During the time of dinner, the Somersetshire lawyer recollected the
-face of Jones, which he had seen at Mr Allworthy's; for he had often
-visited in that gentleman's kitchen. He therefore took occasion to
-enquire after the good family there with that familiarity which would
-have become an intimate friend or acquaintance of Mr Allworthy; and
-indeed he did all in his power to insinuate himself to be such, though
-he had never had the honour of speaking to any person in that family
-higher than the butler. Jones answered all his questions with much
-civility, though he never remembered to have seen the petty-fogger
-before; and though he concluded, from the outward appearance and
-behaviour of the man, that he usurped a freedom with his betters, to
-which he was by no means intitled.
-
-As the conversation of fellows of this kind is of all others the most
-detestable to men of any sense, the cloth was no sooner removed than
-Mr Jones withdrew, and a little barbarously left poor Mrs Whitefield
-to do a penance, which I have often heard Mr Timothy Harris, and other
-publicans of good taste, lament, as the severest lot annexed to their
-calling, namely, that of being obliged to keep company with their
-guests.
-
-Jones had no sooner quitted the room, than the petty-fogger, in a
-whispering tone, asked Mrs Whitefield, "If she knew who that fine
-spark was?" She answered, "She had never seen the gentleman
-before."--"The gentleman, indeed!" replied the petty-fogger; "a pretty
-gentleman, truly! Why, he's the bastard of a fellow who was hanged for
-horse-stealing. He was dropt at Squire Allworthy's door, where one of
-the servants found him in a box so full of rain-water, that he would
-certainly have been drowned, had he not been reserved for another
-fate."--"Ay, ay, you need not mention it, I protest: we understand
-what that fate is very well," cries Dowling, with a most facetious
-grin.--"Well," continued the other, "the squire ordered him to be
-taken in; for he is a timbersome man everybody knows, and was afraid
-of drawing himself into a scrape; and there the bastard was bred up,
-and fed, and cloathified all to the world like any gentleman; and
-there he got one of the servant-maids with child, and persuaded her to
-swear it to the squire himself; and afterwards he broke the arm of one
-Mr Thwackum a clergyman, only because he reprimanded him for following
-whores; and afterwards he snapt a pistol at Mr Blifil behind his back;
-and once, when Squire Allworthy was sick, he got a drum, and beat it
-all over the house to prevent him from sleeping; and twenty other
-pranks he hath played, for all which, about four or five days ago,
-just before I left the country, the squire stripped him stark naked,
-and turned him out of doors."
-
-"And very justly too, I protest," cries Dowling; "I would turn my own
-son out of doors, if he was guilty of half as much. And pray what is
-the name of this pretty gentleman?"
-
-"The name o' un?" answered Petty-fogger; "why, he is called Thomas
-Jones."
-
-"Jones!" answered Dowling a little eagerly; "what, Mr Jones that lived
-at Mr Allworthy's? was that the gentleman that dined with us?"--"The
-very same," said the other. "I have heard of the gentleman," cries
-Dowling, "often; but I never heard any ill character of him."--"And I
-am sure," says Mrs Whitefield, "if half what this gentleman hath said
-be true, Mr Jones hath the most deceitful countenance I ever saw; for
-sure his looks promise something very different; and I must say, for
-the little I have seen of him, he is as civil a well-bred man as you
-would wish to converse with."
-
-Petty-fogger calling to mind that he had not been sworn, as he usually
-was, before he gave his evidence, now bound what he had declared with
-so many oaths and imprecations that the landlady's ears were shocked,
-and she put a stop to his swearing, by assuring him of her belief.
-Upon which he said, "I hope, madam, you imagine I would scorn to tell
-such things of any man, unless I knew them to be true. What interest
-have I in taking away the reputation of a man who never injured me? I
-promise you every syllable of what I have said is fact, and the whole
-country knows it."
-
-As Mrs Whitefield had no reason to suspect that the petty-fogger had
-any motive or temptation to abuse Jones, the reader cannot blame her
-for believing what he so confidently affirmed with many oaths. She
-accordingly gave up her skill in physiognomy, and hence-forwards
-conceived so ill an opinion of her guest, that she heartily wished him
-out of her house.
-
-This dislike was now farther increased by a report which Mr Whitefield
-made from the kitchen, where Partridge had informed the company, "That
-though he carried the knapsack, and contented himself with staying
-among servants, while Tom Jones (as he called him) was regaling in the
-parlour, he was not his servant, but only a friend and companion, and
-as good a gentleman as Mr Jones himself."
-
-Dowling sat all this while silent, biting his fingers, making faces,
-grinning, and looking wonderfully arch; at last he opened his lips,
-and protested that the gentleman looked like another sort of man. He
-then called for his bill with the utmost haste, declared he must be at
-Hereford that evening, lamented his great hurry of business, and
-wished he could divide himself into twenty pieces, in order to be at
-once in twenty places.
-
-The petty-fogger now likewise departed, and then Jones desired the
-favour of Mrs Whitefield's company to drink tea with him; but she
-refused, and with a manner so different from that with which she had
-received him at dinner, that it a little surprized him. And now he
-soon perceived her behaviour totally changed; for instead of that
-natural affability which we have before celebrated, she wore a
-constrained severity on her countenance, which was so disagreeable to
-Mr Jones, that he resolved, however late, to quit the house that
-evening.
-
-He did indeed account somewhat unfairly for this sudden change; for
-besides some hard and unjust surmises concerning female fickleness and
-mutability, he began to suspect that he owed this want of civility to
-his want of horses; a sort of animals which, as they dirty no sheets,
-are thought in inns to pay better for their beds than their riders,
-and are therefore considered as the more desirable company; but Mrs
-Whitefield, to do her justice, had a much more liberal way of
-thinking. She was perfectly well-bred, and could be very civil to a
-gentleman, though he walked on foot. In reality, she looked on our
-heroe as a sorry scoundrel, and therefore treated him as such, for
-which not even Jones himself, had he known as much as the reader,
-could have blamed her; nay, on the contrary, he must have approved her
-conduct, and have esteemed her the more for the disrespect shown
-towards himself. This is indeed a most aggravating circumstance, which
-attends depriving men unjustly of their reputation; for a man who is
-conscious of having an ill character, cannot justly be angry with
-those who neglect and slight him; but ought rather to despise such as
-affect his conversation, unless where a perfect intimacy must have
-convinced them that their friend's character hath been falsely and
-injuriously aspersed.
-
-This was not, however, the case of Jones; for as he was a perfect
-stranger to the truth, so he was with good reason offended at the
-treatment he received. He therefore paid his reckoning and departed,
-highly against the will of Mr Partridge, who having remonstrated much
-against it to no purpose, at last condescended to take up his knapsack
-and to attend his friend.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing several dialogues between Jones and Partridge, concerning
-love, cold, hunger, and other matters; with the lucky and narrow
-escape of Partridge, as he was on the very brink of making a fatal
-discovery to his friend.
-
-
-The shadows began now to descend larger from the high mountains; the
-feathered creation had betaken themselves to their rest. Now the
-highest order of mortals were sitting down to their dinners, and the
-lowest order to their suppers. In a word, the clock struck five just
-as Mr Jones took his leave of Gloucester; an hour at which (as it was
-now mid-winter) the dirty fingers of Night would have drawn her sable
-curtain over the universe, had not the moon forbid her, who now, with
-a face as broad and as red as those of some jolly mortals, who, like
-her, turn night into day, began to rise from her bed, where she had
-slumbered away the day, in order to sit up all night. Jones had not
-travelled far before he paid his compliments to that beautiful planet,
-and, turning to his companion, asked him if he had ever beheld so
-delicious an evening? Partridge making no ready answer to his
-question, he proceeded to comment on the beauty of the moon, and
-repeated some passages from Milton, who hath certainly excelled all
-other poets in his description of the heavenly luminaries. He then
-told Partridge the story from the Spectator, of two lovers who had
-agreed to entertain themselves when they were at a great distance from
-each other, by repairing, at a certain fixed hour, to look at the
-moon; thus pleasing themselves with the thought that they were both
-employed in contemplating the same object at the same time. "Those
-lovers," added he, "must have had souls truly capable of feeling all
-the tenderness of the sublimest of all human passions."--"Very
-probably," cries Partridge: "but I envy them more, if they had bodies
-incapable of feeling cold; for I am almost frozen to death, and am
-very much afraid I shall lose a piece of my nose before we get to
-another house of entertainment. Nay, truly, we may well expect some
-judgment should happen to us for our folly in running away so by night
-from one of the most excellent inns I ever set my foot into. I am sure
-I never saw more good things in my life, and the greatest lord in the
-land cannot live better in his own house than he may there. And to
-forsake such a house, and go a rambling about the country, the Lord
-knows whither, _per devia rura viarum_, I say nothing for my part; but
-some people might not have charity enough to conclude we were in our
-sober senses."--"Fie upon it, Mr Partridge!" says Jones, "have a
-better heart; consider you are going to face an enemy; and are you
-afraid of facing a little cold? I wish, indeed, we had a guide to
-advise which of these roads we should take."--"May I be so bold," says
-Partridge, "to offer my advice? _Interdum stultus opportuna
-loquitur_"--"Why, which of them," cries Jones, "would you
-recommend?"--"Truly neither of them," answered Partridge. "The only
-road we can be certain of finding, is the road we came. A good hearty
-pace will bring us back to Gloucester in an hour; but if we go
-forward, the Lord Harry knows when we shall arrive at any place; for I
-see at least fifty miles before me, and no house in all the
-way."--"You see, indeed, a very fair prospect," says Jones, "which
-receives great additional beauty from the extreme lustre of the moon.
-However, I will keep the left-hand track, as that seems to lead
-directly to those hills, which we were informed lie not far from
-Worcester. And here, if you are inclined to quit me, you may, and
-return back again; but for my part, I am resolved to go forward."
-
-"It is unkind in you, sir," says Partridge, "to suspect me of any such
-intention. What I have advised hath been as much on your account as on
-my own: but since you are determined to go on, I am as much determined
-to follow. _I prae sequar te_."
-
-They now travelled some miles without speaking to each other, during
-which suspense of discourse Jones often sighed, and Benjamin groaned
-as bitterly, though from a very different reason. At length Jones made
-a full stop, and turning about, cries, "Who knows, Partridge, but the
-loveliest creature in the universe may have her eyes now fixed on that
-very moon which I behold at this instant?" "Very likely, sir,"
-answered Partridge; "and if my eyes were fixed on a good surloin of
-roast beef, the devil might take the moon and her horns into the
-bargain." "Did ever Tramontane make such an answer?" cries Jones.
-"Prithee, Partridge, wast thou ever susceptible of love in thy life,
-or hath time worn away all the traces of it from thy memory?"
-"Alack-a-day!" cries Partridge, "well would it have been for me if I
-had never known what love was. _Infandum regina jubes renovare
-dolorem_. I am sure I have tasted all the tenderness, and sublimities,
-and bitternesses of the passion." "Was your mistress unkind, then?"
-says Jones. "Very unkind, indeed, sir," answered Partridge; "for she
-married me, and made one of the most confounded wives in the world.
-However, heaven be praised, she's gone; and if I believed she was in
-the moon, according to a book I once read, which teaches that to be
-the receptacle of departed spirits, I would never look at it for fear
-of seeing her; but I wish, sir, that the moon was a looking-glass for
-your sake, and that Miss Sophia Western was now placed before it." "My
-dear Partridge," cries Jones, "what a thought was there! A thought
-which I am certain could never have entered into any mind but that of
-a lover. O Partridge! could I hope once again to see that face; but,
-alas! all those golden dreams are vanished for ever, and my only
-refuge from future misery is to forget the object of all my former
-happiness." "And do you really despair of ever seeing Miss Western
-again?" answered Partridge; "if you will follow my advice I will
-engage you shall not only see her but have her in your arms." "Ha! do
-not awaken a thought of that nature," cries Jones: "I have struggled
-sufficiently to conquer all such wishes already." "Nay," answered
-Partridge, "if you do not wish to have your mistress in your arms you
-are a most extraordinary lover indeed." "Well, well," says Jones, "let
-us avoid this subject; but pray what is your advice?" "To give it you
-in the military phrase, then," says Partridge, "as we are soldiers,
-`To the right about.' Let us return the way we came; we may yet reach
-Gloucester to-night, though late; whereas, if we proceed, we are
-likely, for aught I see, to ramble about for ever without coming
-either to house or home." "I have already told you my resolution is to
-go on," answered Jones; "but I would have you go back. I am obliged to
-you for your company hither; and I beg you to accept a guinea as a
-small instance of my gratitude. Nay, it would be cruel in me to suffer
-you to go any farther; for, to deal plainly with you, my chief end and
-desire is a glorious death in the service of my king and country." "As
-for your money," replied Partridge, "I beg, sir, you will put it up; I
-will receive none of you at this time; for at present I am, I believe,
-the richer man of the two. And as your resolution is to go on, so mine
-is to follow you if you do. Nay, now my presence appears absolutely
-necessary to take care of you, since your intentions are so desperate;
-for I promise you my views are much more prudent; as you are resolved
-to fall in battle if you can, so I am resolved as firmly to come to no
-hurt if I can help it. And, indeed, I have the comfort to think there
-will be but little danger; for a popish priest told me the other day
-the business would soon be over, and he believed without a battle." "A
-popish priest!" cries Jones, "I have heard is not always to be
-believed when he speaks in behalf of his religion." "Yes, but so far,"
-answered the other, "from speaking in behalf of his religion, he
-assured me the Catholicks did not expect to be any gainers by the
-change; for that Prince Charles was as good a Protestant as any in
-England; and that nothing but regard to right made him and the rest of
-the popish party to be Jacobites."--"I believe him to be as much a
-Protestant as I believe he hath any right," says Jones; "and I make no
-doubt of our success, but not without a battle. So that I am not so
-sanguine as your friend the popish priest." "Nay, to be sure, sir,"
-answered Partridge, "all the prophecies I have ever read speak of a
-great deal of blood to be spilt in the quarrel, and the miller with
-three thumbs, who is now alive, is to hold the horses of three kings,
-up to his knees in blood. Lord, have mercy upon us all, and send
-better times!" "With what stuff and nonsense hast thou filled thy
-head!" answered Jones: "this too, I suppose, comes from the popish
-priest. Monsters and prodigies are the proper arguments to support
-monstrous and absurd doctrines. The cause of King George is the cause
-of liberty and true religion. In other words, it is the cause of
-common sense, my boy, and I warrant you will succeed, though Briarius
-himself was to rise again with his hundred thumbs, and to turn
-miller." Partridge made no reply to this. He was, indeed, cast into
-the utmost confusion by this declaration of Jones. For, to inform the
-reader of a secret, which he had no proper opportunity of revealing
-before, Partridge was in truth a Jacobite, and had concluded that
-Jones was of the same party, and was now proceeding to join the
-rebels. An opinion which was not without foundation. For the tall,
-long-sided dame, mentioned by Hudibras--that many-eyed, many-tongued,
-many-mouthed, many-eared monster of Virgil, had related the story of
-the quarrel between Jones and the officer, with the usual regard to
-truth. She had, indeed, changed the name of Sophia into that of the
-Pretender, and had reported, that drinking his health was the cause
-for which Jones was knocked down. This Partridge had heard, and most
-firmly believed. 'Tis no wonder, therefore, that he had thence
-entertained the above-mentioned opinion of Jones; and which he had
-almost discovered to him before he found out his own mistake. And at
-this the reader will be the less inclined to wonder, if he pleases to
-recollect the doubtful phrase in which Jones first communicated his
-resolution to Mr Partridge; and, indeed, had the words been less
-ambiguous, Partridge might very well have construed them as he did;
-being persuaded as he was that the whole nation were of the same
-inclination in their hearts; nor did it stagger him that Jones had
-travelled in the company of soldiers; for he had the same opinion of
-the army which he had of the rest of the people.
-
-But however well affected he might be to James or Charles, he was
-still much more attached to Little Benjamin than to either; for which
-reason he no sooner discovered the principles of his fellow-traveller
-than he thought proper to conceal and outwardly give up his own to the
-man on whom he depended for the making his fortune, since he by no
-means believed the affairs of Jones to be so desperate as they really
-were with Mr Allworthy; for as he had kept a constant correspondence
-with some of his neighbours since he left that country, he had heard
-much, indeed more than was true, of the great affection Mr Allworthy
-bore this young man, who, as Partridge had been instructed, was to be
-that gentleman's heir, and whom, as we have said, he did not in the
-least doubt to be his son.
-
-He imagined therefore that whatever quarrel was between them, it would
-be certainly made up at the return of Mr Jones; an event from which he
-promised great advantages, if he could take this opportunity of
-ingratiating himself with that young gentleman; and if he could by any
-means be instrumental in procuring his return, he doubted not, as we
-have before said, but it would as highly advance him in the favour of
-Mr Allworthy.
-
-We have already observed, that he was a very good-natured fellow, and
-he hath himself declared the violent attachment he had to the person
-and character of Jones; but possibly the views which I have just
-before mentioned, might likewise have some little share in prompting
-him to undertake this expedition, at least in urging him to continue
-it, after he had discovered that his master and himself, like some
-prudent fathers and sons, though they travelled together in great
-friendship, had embraced opposite parties. I am led into this
-conjecture, by having remarked, that though love, friendship, esteem,
-and such like, have very powerful operations in the human mind;
-interest, however, is an ingredient seldom omitted by wise men, when
-they would work others to their own purposes. This is indeed a most
-excellent medicine, and, like Ward's pill, flies at once to the
-particular part of the body on which you desire to operate, whether it
-be the tongue, the hand, or any other member, where it scarce ever
-fails of immediately producing the desired effect.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-In which our travellers meet with a very extraordinary adventure.
-
-
-Just as Jones and his friend came to the end of their dialogue in the
-preceding chapter, they arrived at the bottom of a very steep hill.
-Here Jones stopt short, and directing his eyes upwards, stood for a
-while silent. At length he called to his companion, and said,
-"Partridge, I wish I was at the top of this hill; it must certainly
-afford a most charming prospect, especially by this light; for the
-solemn gloom which the moon casts on all objects, is beyond expression
-beautiful, especially to an imagination which is desirous of
-cultivating melancholy ideas."--"Very probably," answered Partridge;
-"but if the top of the hill be properest to produce melancholy
-thoughts, I suppose the bottom is the likeliest to produce merry ones,
-and these I take to be much the better of the two. I protest you have
-made my blood run cold with the very mentioning the top of that
-mountain; which seems to me to be one of the highest in the world. No,
-no, if we look for anything, let it be for a place under ground, to
-screen ourselves from the frost."--"Do so," said Jones; "let it be but
-within hearing of this place, and I will hallow to you at my return
-back."--"Surely, sir, you are not mad," said Partridge.--"Indeed, I
-am," answered Jones, "if ascending this hill be madness; but as you
-complain so much of the cold already, I would have you stay below. I
-will certainly return to you within an hour."--"Pardon me, sir," cries
-Partridge; "I have determined to follow you wherever you go." Indeed
-he was now afraid to stay behind; for though he was coward enough in
-all respects, yet his chief fear was that of ghosts, with which the
-present time of night, and the wildness of the place, extremely well
-suited.
-
-At this instant Partridge espied a glimmering light through some
-trees, which seemed very near to them. He immediately cried out in a
-rapture, "Oh, sir! Heaven hath at last heard my prayers, and hath
-brought us to a house; perhaps it may be an inn. Let me beseech you,
-sir, if you have any compassion either for me or yourself, do not
-despise the goodness of Providence, but let us go directly to yon
-light. Whether it be a public-house or no, I am sure if they be
-Christians that dwell there, they will not refuse a little house-room
-to persons in our miserable condition." Jones at length yielded to the
-earnest supplications of Partridge, and both together made directly
-towards the place whence the light issued.
-
-They soon arrived at the door of this house, or cottage, for it might
-be called either, without much impropriety. Here Jones knocked several
-times without receiving any answer from within; at which Partridge,
-whose head was full of nothing but of ghosts, devils, witches, and
-such like, began to tremble, crying, "Lord, have mercy upon us! surely
-the people must be all dead. I can see no light neither now, and yet I
-am certain I saw a candle burning but a moment before.--Well! I have
-heard of such things."--"What hast thou heard of?" said Jones. "The
-people are either fast asleep, or probably, as this is a lonely place,
-are afraid to open their door." He then began to vociferate pretty
-loudly, and at last an old woman, opening an upper casement, asked,
-Who they were, and what they wanted? Jones answered, They were
-travellers who had lost their way, and having seen a light in the
-window, had been led thither in hopes of finding some fire to warm
-themselves. "Whoever you are," cries the woman, "you have no business
-here; nor shall I open the door to any one at this time of night."
-Partridge, whom the sound of a human voice had recovered from his
-fright, fell to the most earnest supplications to be admitted for a
-few minutes to the fire, saying, he was almost dead with the cold; to
-which fear had indeed contributed equally with the frost. He assured
-her that the gentleman who spoke to her was one of the greatest
-squires in the country; and made use of every argument, save one,
-which Jones afterwards effectually added; and this was, the promise of
-half-a-crown;--a bribe too great to be resisted by such a person,
-especially as the genteel appearance of Jones, which the light of the
-moon plainly discovered to her, together with his affable behaviour,
-had entirely subdued those apprehensions of thieves which she had at
-first conceived. She agreed, therefore, at last, to let them in; where
-Partridge, to his infinite joy, found a good fire ready for his
-reception.
-
-The poor fellow, however, had no sooner warmed himself, than those
-thoughts which were always uppermost in his mind, began a little to
-disturb his brain. There was no article of his creed in which he had a
-stronger faith than he had in witchcraft, nor can the reader conceive
-a figure more adapted to inspire this idea, than the old woman who now
-stood before him. She answered exactly to that picture drawn by Otway
-in his Orphan. Indeed, if this woman had lived in the reign of James
-the First, her appearance alone would have hanged her, almost without
-any evidence.
-
-Many circumstances likewise conspired to confirm Partridge in his
-opinion. Her living, as he then imagined, by herself in so lonely a
-place; and in a house, the outside of which seemed much too good for
-her, but its inside was furnished in the most neat and elegant manner.
-To say the truth, Jones himself was not a little surprized at what he
-saw; for, besides the extraordinary neatness of the room, it was
-adorned with a great number of nicknacks and curiosities, which might
-have engaged the attention of a virtuoso.
-
-While Jones was admiring these things, and Partridge sat trembling
-with the firm belief that he was in the house of a witch, the old
-woman said, "I hope, gentlemen, you will make what haste you can; for
-I expect my master presently, and I would not for double the money he
-should find you here."--"Then you have a master?" cried Jones.
-"Indeed, you will excuse me, good woman, but I was surprized to see
-all those fine things in your house."--"Ah, sir," said she, "if the
-twentieth part of these things were mine, I should think myself a rich
-woman. But pray, sir, do not stay much longer, for I look for him in
-every minute."--"Why, sure he would not be angry with you," said
-Jones, "for doing a common act of charity?"--"Alack-a-day, sir!" said
-she, "he is a strange man, not at all like other people. He keeps no
-company with anybody, and seldom walks out but by night, for he doth
-not care to be seen; and all the country people are as much afraid of
-meeting him; for his dress is enough to frighten those who are not
-used to it. They call him, the Man of the Hill (for there he walks by
-night), and the country people are not, I believe, more afraid of the
-devil himself. He would be terribly angry if he found you
-here."--"Pray, sir," says Partridge, "don't let us offend the
-gentleman; I am ready to walk, and was never warmer in my life. Do
-pray, sir, let us go. Here are pistols over the chimney: who knows
-whether they be charged or no, or what he may do with them?"--"Fear
-nothing, Partridge," cries Jones; "I will secure thee from
-danger."--"Nay, for matter o' that, he never doth any mischief," said
-the woman; "but to be sure it is necessary he should keep some arms
-for his own safety; for his house hath been beset more than once; and
-it is not many nights ago that we thought we heard thieves about it:
-for my own part, I have often wondered that he is not murdered by some
-villain or other, as he walks out by himself at such hours; but then,
-as I said, the people are afraid of him; and besides, they think, I
-suppose, he hath nothing about him worth taking."--"I should imagine,
-by this collection of rarities," cries Jones, "that your master had
-been a traveller."--"Yes, sir," answered she, "he hath been a very
-great one: there be few gentlemen that know more of all matters than
-he. I fancy he hath been crost in love, or whatever it is I know not;
-but I have lived with him above these thirty years, and in all that
-time he hath hardly spoke to six living people." She then again
-solicited their departure, in which she was backed by Partridge; but
-Jones purposely protracted the time, for his curiosity was greatly
-raised to see this extraordinary person. Though the old woman,
-therefore, concluded every one of her answers with desiring him to be
-gone, and Partridge proceeded so far as to pull him by the sleeve, he
-still continued to invent new questions, till the old woman, with an
-affrighted countenance, declared she heard her master's signal; and at
-the same instant more than one voice was heard without the door,
-crying, "D--n your blood, show us your money this instant. Your money,
-you villain, or we will blow your brains about your ears."
-
-"O, good heaven!" cries the old woman, "some villains, to be sure,
-have attacked my master. O la! what shall I do? what shall I
-do?"--"How!" cries Jones, "how!--Are these pistols loaded?"--"O, good
-sir, there is nothing in them, indeed. O pray don't murder us,
-gentlemen!" (for in reality she now had the same opinion of those
-within as she had of those without). Jones made her no answer; but
-snatching an old broad sword which hung in the room, he instantly
-sallied out, where he found the old gentleman struggling with two
-ruffians, and begging for mercy. Jones asked no questions, but fell so
-briskly to work with his broad sword, that the fellows immediately
-quitted their hold; and without offering to attack our heroe, betook
-themselves to their heels and made their escape; for he did not
-attempt to pursue them, being contented with having delivered the old
-gentleman; and indeed he concluded he had pretty well done their
-business, for both of them, as they ran off, cried out with bitter
-oaths that they were dead men.
-
-Jones presently ran to lift up the old gentleman, who had been thrown
-down in the scuffle, expressing at the same time great concern lest he
-should have received any harm from the villains. The old man stared a
-moment at Jones, and then cried, "No, sir, no, I have very little
-harm, I thank you. Lord have mercy upon me!"--"I see, sir," said
-Jones, "you are not free from apprehensions even of those who have had
-the happiness to be your deliverers; nor can I blame any suspicions
-which you may have; but indeed you have no real occasion for any; here
-are none but your friends present. Having mist our way this cold
-night, we took the liberty of warming ourselves at your fire, whence
-we were just departing when we heard you call for assistance, which, I
-must say, Providence alone seems to have sent you."--"Providence,
-indeed," cries the old gentleman, "if it be so."--"So it is, I assure
-you," cries Jones. "Here is your own sword, sir; I have used it in
-your defence, and I now return it into your hand." The old man having
-received the sword, which was stained with the blood of his enemies,
-looked stedfastly at Jones during some moments, and then with a sigh
-cried out, "You will pardon me, young gentleman; I was not always of a
-suspicious temper, nor am I a friend to ingratitude."
-
-"Be thankful then," cries Jones, "to that Providence to which you owe
-your deliverance: as to my part, I have only discharged the common
-duties of humanity, and what I would have done for any fellow-creature
-in your situation."--"Let me look at you a little longer," cries the
-old gentleman. "You are a human creature then? Well, perhaps you are.
-Come pray walk into my little hutt. You have been my deliverer
-indeed."
-
-The old woman was distracted between the fears which she had of her
-master, and for him; and Partridge was, if possible, in a greater
-fright. The former of these, however, when she heard her master speak
-kindly to Jones, and perceived what had happened, came again to
-herself; but Partridge no sooner saw the gentleman, than the
-strangeness of his dress infused greater terrors into that poor fellow
-than he had before felt, either from the strange description which he
-had heard, or from the uproar which had happened at the door.
-
-To say the truth, it was an appearance which might have affected a
-more constant mind than that of Mr Partridge. This person was of the
-tallest size, with a long beard as white as snow. His body was
-cloathed with the skin of an ass, made something into the form of a
-coat. He wore likewise boots on his legs, and a cap on his head, both
-composed of the skin of some other animals.
-
-As soon as the old gentleman came into his house, the old woman began
-her congratulations on his happy escape from the ruffians. "Yes,"
-cried he, "I have escaped, indeed, thanks to my preserver."--"O the
-blessing on him!" answered she: "he is a good gentleman, I warrant
-him. I was afraid your worship would have been angry with me for
-letting him in; and to be certain I should not have done it, had not I
-seen by the moon-light, that he was a gentleman, and almost frozen to
-death. And to be certain it must have been some good angel that sent
-him hither, and tempted me to do it."
-
-"I am afraid, sir," said the old gentleman to Jones, "that I have
-nothing in this house which you can either eat or drink, unless you
-will accept a dram of brandy; of which I can give you some most
-excellent, and which I have had by me these thirty years." Jones
-declined this offer in a very civil and proper speech, and then the
-other asked him, "Whither he was travelling when he mist his way?"
-saying, "I must own myself surprized to see such a person as you
-appear to be, journeying on foot at this time of night. I suppose,
-sir, you are a gentleman of these parts; for you do not look like one
-who is used to travel far without horses?"
-
-"Appearances," cried Jones, "are often deceitful; men sometimes look
-what they are not. I assure you I am not of this country; and whither
-I am travelling, in reality I scarce know myself."
-
-"Whoever you are, or whithersoever you are going," answered the old
-man, "I have obligations to you which I can never return."
-
-"I once more," replied Jones, "affirm that you have none; for there
-can be no merit in having hazarded that in your service on which I set
-no value; and nothing is so contemptible in my eyes as life."
-
-"I am sorry, young gentleman," answered the stranger, "that you have
-any reason to be so unhappy at your years."
-
-"Indeed I am, sir," answered Jones, "the most unhappy of
-mankind."--"Perhaps you have had a friend, or a mistress?" replied the
-other. "How could you," cries Jones, "mention two words sufficient to
-drive me to distraction?"--"Either of them are enough to drive any man
-to distraction," answered the old man. "I enquire no farther, sir;
-perhaps my curiosity hath led me too far already."
-
-"Indeed, sir," cries Jones, "I cannot censure a passion which I feel
-at this instant in the highest degree. You will pardon me when I
-assure you, that everything which I have seen or heard since I first
-entered this house hath conspired to raise the greatest curiosity in
-me. Something very extraordinary must have determined you to this
-course of life, and I have reason to fear your own history is not
-without misfortunes."
-
-Here the old gentleman again sighed, and remained silent for some
-minutes: at last, looking earnestly on Jones, he said, "I have read
-that a good countenance is a letter of recommendation; if so, none
-ever can be more strongly recommended than yourself. If I did not feel
-some yearnings towards you from another consideration, I must be the
-most ungrateful monster upon earth; and I am really concerned it is no
-otherwise in my power than by words to convince you of my gratitude."
-
-Jones, after a moment's hesitation, answered, "That it was in his
-power by words to gratify him extremely. I have confest a curiosity,"
-said he, "sir; need I say how much obliged I should be to you, if you
-would condescend to gratify it? Will you suffer me therefore to beg,
-unless any consideration restrains you, that you would be pleased to
-acquaint me what motives have induced you thus to withdraw from the
-society of mankind, and to betake yourself to a course of life to
-which it sufficiently appears you were not born?"
-
-"I scarce think myself at liberty to refuse you anything after what
-hath happened," replied the old man. "If you desire therefore to hear
-the story of an unhappy man, I will relate it to you. Indeed you judge
-rightly, in thinking there is commonly something extraordinary in the
-fortunes of those who fly from society; for however it may seem a
-paradox, or even a contradiction, certain it is, that great
-philanthropy chiefly inclines us to avoid and detest mankind; not on
-account so much of their private and selfish vices, but for those of a
-relative kind; such as envy, malice, treachery, cruelty, with every
-other species of malevolence. These are the vices which true
-philanthropy abhors, and which rather than see and converse with, she
-avoids society itself. However, without a compliment to you, you do
-not appear to me one of those whom I should shun or detest; nay, I
-must say, in what little hath dropt from you, there appears some
-parity in our fortunes: I hope, however, yours will conclude more
-successfully."
-
-Here some compliments passed between our heroe and his host, and then
-the latter was going to begin his history, when Partridge interrupted
-him. His apprehensions had now pretty well left him, but some effects
-of his terrors remained; he therefore reminded the gentleman of that
-excellent brandy which he had mentioned. This was presently brought,
-and Partridge swallowed a large bumper.
-
-The gentleman then, without any farther preface, began as you may read
-in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-In which the Man of the Hill begins to relate his history.
-
-
-"I was born in a village of Somersetshire, called Mark, in the year
-1657. My father was one of those whom they call gentlemen farmers. He
-had a little estate of about £300 a year of his own, and rented
-another estate of near the same value. He was prudent and industrious,
-and so good a husbandman, that he might have led a very easy and
-comfortable life, had not an arrant vixen of a wife soured his
-domestic quiet. But though this circumstance perhaps made him
-miserable, it did not make him poor; for he confined her almost
-entirely at home, and rather chose to bear eternal upbraidings in his
-own house, than to injure his fortune by indulging her in the
-extravagancies she desired abroad.
-
-"By this Xanthippe" (so was the wife of Socrates called, said
-Partridge)--"by this Xanthippe he had two sons, of which I was the
-younger. He designed to give us both good education; but my elder
-brother, who, unhappily for him, was the favourite of my mother,
-utterly neglected his learning; insomuch that, after having been five
-or six years at school with little or no improvement, my father, being
-told by his master that it would be to no purpose to keep him longer
-there, at last complied with my mother in taking him home from the
-hands of that tyrant, as she called his master; though indeed he gave
-the lad much less correction than his idleness deserved, but much
-more, it seems, than the young gentleman liked, who constantly
-complained to his mother of his severe treatment, and she as
-constantly gave him a hearing."
-
-"Yes, yes," cries Partridge, "I have seen such mothers; I have been
-abused myself by them, and very unjustly; such parents deserve
-correction as much as their children."
-
-Jones chid the pedagogue for his interruption, and then the stranger
-proceeded.
-
-"My brother now, at the age of fifteen, bade adieu to all learning,
-and to everything else but to his dog and gun; with which latter he
-became so expert, that, though perhaps you may think it incredible, he
-could not only hit a standing mark with great certainty, but hath
-actually shot a crow as it was flying in the air. He was likewise
-excellent at finding a hare sitting, and was soon reputed one of the
-best sportsmen in the country; a reputation which both he and his
-mother enjoyed as much as if he had been thought the finest scholar.
-
-"The situation of my brother made me at first think my lot the harder,
-in being continued at school: but I soon changed my opinion; for as I
-advanced pretty fast in learning, my labours became easy, and my
-exercise so delightful, that holidays were my most unpleasant time;
-for my mother, who never loved me, now apprehending that I had the
-greater share of my father's affection, and finding, or at least
-thinking, that I was more taken notice of by some gentlemen of
-learning, and particularly by the parson of the parish, than my
-brother, she now hated my sight, and made home so disagreeable to me,
-that what is called by school-boys Black Monday, was to me the whitest
-in the whole year.
-
-"Having at length gone through the school at Taunton, I was thence
-removed to Exeter College in Oxford, where I remained four years; at
-the end of which an accident took me off entirely from my studies; and
-hence, I may truly date the rise of all which happened to me
-afterwards in life.
-
-"There was at the same college with myself one Sir George Gresham, a
-young fellow who was intitled to a very considerable fortune, which he
-was not, by the will of his father, to come into full possession of
-till he arrived at the age of twenty-five. However, the liberality of
-his guardians gave him little cause to regret the abundant caution of
-his father; for they allowed him five hundred pounds a year while he
-remained at the university, where he kept his horses and his whore,
-and lived as wicked and as profligate a life as he could have done had
-he been never so entirely master of his fortune; for besides the five
-hundred a year which he received from his guardians, he found means to
-spend a thousand more. He was above the age of twenty-one, and had no
-difficulty in gaining what credit he pleased.
-
-"This young fellow, among many other tolerable bad qualities, had one
-very diabolical. He had a great delight in destroying and ruining the
-youth of inferior fortune, by drawing them into expenses which they
-could not afford so well as himself; and the better, and worthier, and
-soberer any young man was, the greater pleasure and triumph had he in
-his destruction. Thus acting the character which is recorded of the
-devil, and going about seeking whom he might devour.
-
-"It was my misfortune to fall into an acquaintance and intimacy with
-this gentleman. My reputation of diligence in my studies made me a
-desirable object of his mischievous intention; and my own inclination
-made it sufficiently easy for him to effect his purpose; for though I
-had applied myself with much industry to books, in which I took great
-delight, there were other pleasures in which I was capable of taking
-much greater; for I was high-mettled, had a violent flow of animal
-spirits, was a little ambitious, and extremely amorous.
-
-"I had not long contracted an intimacy with Sir George before I became
-a partaker of all his pleasures; and when I was once entered on that
-scene, neither my inclination nor my spirit would suffer me to play an
-under part. I was second to none of the company in any acts of
-debauchery; nay, I soon distinguished myself so notably in all riots
-and disorders, that my name generally stood first in the roll of
-delinquents; and instead of being lamented as the unfortunate pupil of
-Sir George, I was now accused as the person who had misled and
-debauched that hopeful young gentleman; for though he was the
-ringleader and promoter of all the mischief, he was never so
-considered. I fell at last under the censure of the vice-chancellor,
-and very narrowly escaped expulsion.
-
-"You will easily believe, sir, that such a life as I am now describing
-must be incompatible with my further progress in learning; and that in
-proportion as I addicted myself more and more to loose pleasure, I
-must grow more and more remiss in application to my studies. This was
-truly the consequence; but this was not all. My expenses now greatly
-exceeded not only my former income, but those additions which I
-extorted from my poor generous father, on pretences of sums being
-necessary for preparing for my approaching degree of batchelor of
-arts. These demands, however, grew at last so frequent and exorbitant,
-that my father by slow degrees opened his ears to the accounts which
-he received from many quarters of my present behaviour, and which my
-mother failed not to echo very faithfully and loudly; adding, `Ay,
-this is the fine gentleman, the scholar who doth so much honour to his
-family, and is to be the making of it. I thought what all this
-learning would come to. He is to be the ruin of us all, I find, after
-his elder brother hath been denied necessaries for his sake, to
-perfect his education forsooth, for which he was to pay us such
-interest: I thought what the interest would come to,' with much more
-of the same kind; but I have, I believe, satisfied you with this
-taste.
-
-"My father, therefore, began now to return remonstrances instead of
-money to my demands, which brought my affairs perhaps a little sooner
-to a crisis; but had he remitted me his whole income, you will imagine
-it could have sufficed a very short time to support one who kept pace
-with the expenses of Sir George Gresham.
-
-"It is more than possible that the distress I was now in for money,
-and the impracticability of going on in this manner, might have
-restored me at once to my senses and to my studies, had I opened my
-eyes before I became involved in debts from which I saw no hopes of
-ever extricating myself. This was indeed the great art of Sir George,
-and by which he accomplished the ruin of many, whom he afterwards
-laughed at as fools and coxcombs, for vying, as he called it, with a
-man of his fortune. To bring this about, he would now and then advance
-a little money himself, in order to support the credit of the
-unfortunate youth with other people; till, by means of that very
-credit, he was irretrievably undone.
-
-"My mind being by these means grown as desperate as my fortune, there
-was scarce a wickedness which I did not meditate, in order for my
-relief. Self-murder itself became the subject of my serious
-deliberation; and I had certainly resolved on it, had not a more
-shameful, though perhaps less sinful, thought expelled it from my
-head."--Here he hesitated a moment, and then cried out, "I protest, so
-many years have not washed away the shame of this act, and I shall
-blush while I relate it." Jones desired him to pass over anything that
-might give him pain in the relation; but Partridge eagerly cried out,
-"Oh, pray, sir, let us hear this; I had rather hear this than all the
-rest; as I hope to be saved, I will never mention a word of it." Jones
-was going to rebuke him, but the stranger prevented it by proceeding
-thus: "I had a chum, a very prudent, frugal young lad, who, though he
-had no very large allowance, had by his parsimony heaped up upwards of
-forty guineas, which I knew he kept in his escritore. I took therefore
-an opportunity of purloining his key from his breeches-pocket, while
-he was asleep, and thus made myself master of all his riches: after
-which I again conveyed his key into his pocket, and counterfeiting
-sleep--though I never once closed my eyes, lay in bed till after he
-arose and went to prayers--an exercise to which I had long been
-unaccustomed.
-
-"Timorous thieves, by extreme caution, often subject themselves to
-discoveries, which those of a bolder kind escape. Thus it happened to
-me; for had I boldly broke open his escritore, I had, perhaps, escaped
-even his suspicion; but as it was plain that the person who robbed him
-had possessed himself of his key, he had no doubt, when he first
-missed his money, but that his chum was certainly the thief. Now as he
-was of a fearful disposition, and much my inferior in strength, and I
-believe in courage, he did not dare to confront me with my guilt, for
-fear of worse bodily consequences which might happen to him. He
-repaired therefore immediately to the vice-chancellor, and upon
-swearing to the robbery, and to the circumstances of it, very easily
-obtained a warrant against one who had now so bad a character through
-the whole university.
-
-"Luckily for me, I lay out of the college the next evening; for that
-day I attended a young lady in a chaise to Witney, where we staid all
-night, and in our return, the next morning, to Oxford, I met one of my
-cronies, who acquainted me with sufficient news concerning myself to
-make me turn my horse another way."
-
-"Pray, sir, did he mention anything of the warrant?" said Partridge.
-But Jones begged the gentleman to proceed without regarding any
-impertinent questions; which he did as follows:--
-
-"Having now abandoned all thoughts of returning to Oxford, the next
-thing which offered itself was a journey to London. I imparted this
-intention to my female companion, who at first remonstrated against
-it; but upon producing my wealth, she immediately consented. We then
-struck across the country, into the great Cirencester road, and made
-such haste, that we spent the next evening, save one, in London.
-
-"When you consider the place where I now was, and the company with
-whom I was, you will, I fancy, conceive that a very short time brought
-me to an end of that sum of which I had so iniquitously possessed
-myself.
-
-"I was now reduced to a much higher degree of distress than before:
-the necessaries of life began to be numbered among my wants; and what
-made my case still the more grievous was, that my paramour, of whom I
-was now grown immoderately fond, shared the same distresses with
-myself. To see a woman you love in distress; to be unable to relieve
-her, and at the same time to reflect that you have brought her into
-this situation, is perhaps a curse of which no imagination can
-represent the horrors to those who have not felt it."--"I believe it
-from my soul," cries Jones, "and I pity you from the bottom of my
-heart:" he then took two or three disorderly turns about the room, and
-at last begged pardon, and flung himself into his chair, crying, "I
-thank Heaven, I have escaped that!"
-
-"This circumstance," continued the gentleman, "so severely aggravated
-the horrors of my present situation, that they became absolutely
-intolerable. I could with less pain endure the raging in my own
-natural unsatisfied appetites, even hunger or thirst, than I could
-submit to leave ungratified the most whimsical desires of a woman on
-whom I so extravagantly doated, that, though I knew she had been the
-mistress of half my acquaintance, I firmly intended to marry her. But
-the good creature was unwilling to consent to an action which the
-world might think so much to my disadvantage. And as, possibly, she
-compassionated the daily anxieties which she must have perceived me
-suffer on her account, she resolved to put an end to my distress. She
-soon, indeed, found means to relieve me from my troublesome and
-perplexed situation; for while I was distracted with various
-inventions to supply her with pleasures, she very kindly--betrayed me
-to one of her former lovers at Oxford, by whose care and diligence I
-was immediately apprehended and committed to gaol.
-
-"Here I first began seriously to reflect on the miscarriages of my
-former life; on the errors I had been guilty of; on the misfortunes
-which I had brought on myself; and on the grief which I must have
-occasioned to one of the best of fathers. When I added to all these
-the perfidy of my mistress, such was the horror of my mind, that life,
-instead of being longer desirable, grew the object of my abhorrence;
-and I could have gladly embraced death as my dearest friend, if it had
-offered itself to my choice unattended by shame.
-
-"The time of the assizes soon came, and I was removed by habeas corpus
-to Oxford, where I expected certain conviction and condemnation; but,
-to my great surprize, none appeared against me, and I was, at the end
-of the sessions, discharged for want of prosecution. In short, my chum
-had left Oxford, and whether from indolence, or from what other motive
-I am ignorant, had declined concerning himself any farther in the
-affair."
-
-"Perhaps," cries Partridge, "he did not care to have your blood upon
-his hands; and he was in the right on't. If any person was to be
-hanged upon my evidence, I should never be able to lie alone
-afterwards, for fear of seeing his ghost."
-
-"I shall shortly doubt, Partridge," says Jones, "whether thou art more
-brave or wise."--"You may laugh at me, sir, if you please," answered
-Partridge; "but if you will hear a very short story which I can tell,
-and which is most certainly true, perhaps you may change your opinion.
-In the parish where I was born--" Here Jones would have silenced him;
-but the stranger interceded that he might be permitted to tell his
-story, and in the meantime promised to recollect the remainder of his
-own.
-
-Partridge then proceeded thus: "In the parish where I was born, there
-lived a farmer whose name was Bridle, and he had a son named Francis,
-a good hopeful young fellow: I was at the grammar-school with him,
-where I remember he was got into Ovid's Epistles, and he could
-construe you three lines together sometimes without looking into a
-dictionary. Besides all this, he was a very good lad, never missed
-church o' Sundays, and was reckoned one of the best psalm-singers in
-the whole parish. He would indeed now and then take a cup too much,
-and that was the only fault he had."--"Well, but come to the ghost,"
-cries Jones. "Never fear, sir; I shall come to him soon enough,"
-answered Partridge. "You must know, then, that farmer Bridle lost a
-mare, a sorrel one, to the best of my remembrance; and so it fell out
-that this young Francis shortly afterward being at a fair at Hindon,
-and as I think it was on--, I can't remember the day; and being as he
-was, what should he happen to meet but a man upon his father's mare.
-Frank called out presently, Stop thief; and it being in the middle of
-the fair, it was impossible, you know, for the man to make his escape.
-So they apprehended him and carried him before the justice: I remember
-it was Justice Willoughby, of Noyle, a very worthy good gentleman; and
-he committed him to prison, and bound Frank in a recognisance, I think
-they call it--a hard word compounded of _re_ and _cognosco_; but it
-differs in its meaning from the use of the simple, as many other
-compounds do. Well, at last down came my Lord Justice Page to hold the
-assizes; and so the fellow was had up, and Frank was had up for a
-witness. To be sure, I shall never forget the face of the judge, when
-he began to ask him what he had to say against the prisoner. He made
-poor Frank tremble and shake in his shoes. `Well you, fellow,' says my
-lord, `what have you to say? Don't stand humming and hawing, but speak
-out.' But, however, he soon turned altogether as civil to Frank, and
-began to thunder at the fellow; and when he asked him if he had
-anything to say for himself, the fellow said, he had found the horse.
-`Ay!' answered the judge, `thou art a lucky fellow: I have travelled
-the circuit these forty years, and never found a horse in my life: but
-I'll tell thee what, friend, thou wast more lucky than thou didst know
-of; for thou didst not only find a horse, but a halter too, I promise
-thee.' To be sure, I shall never forget the word. Upon which everybody
-fell a laughing, as how could they help it? Nay, and twenty other
-jests he made, which I can't remember now. There was something about
-his skill in horse-flesh which made all the folks laugh. To be
-certain, the judge must have been a very brave man, as well as a man
-of much learning. It is indeed charming sport to hear trials upon life
-and death. One thing I own I thought a little hard, that the
-prisoner's counsel was not suffered to speak for him, though he
-desired only to be heard one very short word, but my lord would not
-hearken to him, though he suffered a counsellor to talk against him
-for above half-an-hour. I thought it hard, I own, that there should be
-so many of them; my lord, and the court, and the jury, and the
-counsellors, and the witnesses, all upon one poor man, and he too in
-chains. Well, the fellow was hanged, as to be sure it could be no
-otherwise, and poor Frank could never be easy about it. He never was
-in the dark alone, but he fancied he saw the fellow's spirit."--"Well,
-and is this thy story?" cries Jones. "No, no," answered Partridge. "O
-Lord have mercy upon me! I am just now coming to the matter; for one
-night, coming from the alehouse, in a long, narrow, dark lane, there
-he ran directly up against him; and the spirit was all in white, and
-fell upon Frank; and Frank, who was a sturdy lad, fell upon the spirit
-again, and there they had a tussel together, and poor Frank was
-dreadfully beat: indeed he made a shift at last to crawl home; but
-what with the beating, and what with the fright, he lay ill above a
-fortnight; and all this is most certainly true, and the whole parish
-will bear witness to it."
-
-The stranger smiled at this story, and Jones burst into a loud fit of
-laughter; upon which Partridge cried, "Ay, you may laugh, sir; and so
-did some others, particularly a squire, who is thought to be no better
-than an atheist; who, forsooth, because there was a calf with a white
-face found dead in the same lane the next morning, would fain have it
-that the battle was between Frank and that, as if a calf would set
-upon a man. Besides, Frank told me he knew it to be a spirit, and
-could swear to him in any court in Christendom; and he had not drank
-above a quart or two or such a matter of liquor, at the time. Lud have
-mercy upon us, and keep us all from dipping our hands in blood, I
-say!"
-
-"Well, sir," said Jones to the stranger, "Mr Partridge hath finished
-his story, and I hope will give you no future interruption, if you
-will be so kind to proceed." He then resumed his narration; but as he
-hath taken breath for a while, we think proper to give it to our
-reader, and shall therefore put an end to this chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-In which the Man of the Hill continues his history.
-
-
-"I had now regained my liberty," said the stranger; "but I had lost my
-reputation; for there is a wide difference between the case of a man
-who is barely acquitted of a crime in a court of justice, and of him
-who is acquitted in his own heart, and in the opinion of the people. I
-was conscious of my guilt, and ashamed to look any one in the face; so
-resolved to leave Oxford the next morning, before the daylight
-discovered me to the eyes of any beholders.
-
-"When I had got clear of the city, it first entered into my head to
-return home to my father, and endeavour to obtain his forgiveness; but
-as I had no reason to doubt his knowledge of all which had past, and
-as I was well assured of his great aversion to all acts of dishonesty,
-I could entertain no hopes of being received by him, especially since
-I was too certain of all the good offices in the power of my mother;
-nay, had my father's pardon been as sure, as I conceived his
-resentment to be, I yet question whether I could have had the
-assurance to behold him, or whether I could, upon any terms, have
-submitted to live and converse with those who, I was convinced, knew
-me to have been guilty of so base an action.
-
-"I hastened therefore back to London, the best retirement of either
-grief or shame, unless for persons of a very public character; for
-here you have the advantage of solitude without its disadvantage,
-since you may be alone and in company at the same time; and while you
-walk or sit unobserved, noise, hurry, and a constant succession of
-objects, entertain the mind, and prevent the spirits from preying on
-themselves, or rather on grief or shame, which are the most
-unwholesome diet in the world; and on which (though there are many who
-never taste either but in public) there are some who can feed very
-plentifully and very fatally when alone.
-
-"But as there is scarce any human good without its concomitant evil,
-so there are people who find an inconvenience in this unobserving
-temper of mankind; I mean persons who have no money; for as you are
-not put out of countenance, so neither are you cloathed or fed by
-those who do not know you. And a man may be as easily starved in
-Leadenhall-market as in the deserts of Arabia.
-
-"It was at present my fortune to be destitute of that great evil, as
-it is apprehended to be by several writers, who I suppose were
-overburthened with it, namely, money."--"With submission, sir," said
-Partridge, "I do not remember any writers who have called it
-_malorum_; but _irritamenta malorum_. _Effodiuntur opes, irritamenta
-malorum_"--"Well, sir," continued the stranger, "whether it be an
-evil, or only the cause of evil, I was entirely void of it, and at the
-same time of friends, and, as I thought, of acquaintance; when one
-evening, as I was passing through the Inner Temple, very hungry, and
-very miserable, I heard a voice on a sudden hailing me with great
-familiarity by my Christian name; and upon turning about, I presently
-recollected the person who so saluted me to have been my
-fellow-collegiate; one who had left the university above a year, and
-long before any of my misfortunes had befallen me. This gentleman,
-whose name was Watson, shook me heartily by the hand; and expressing
-great joy at meeting me, proposed our immediately drinking a bottle
-together. I first declined the proposal, and pretended business, but
-as he was very earnest and pressing, hunger at last overcame my pride,
-and I fairly confessed to him I had no money in my pocket; yet not
-without framing a lie for an excuse, and imputing it to my having
-changed my breeches that morning. Mr Watson answered, `I thought,
-Jack, you and I had been too old acquaintance for you to mention such
-a matter.' He then took me by the arm, and was pulling me along; but I
-gave him very little trouble, for my own inclinations pulled me much
-stronger than he could do.
-
-"We then went into the Friars, which you know is the scene of all
-mirth and jollity. Here, when we arrived at the tavern, Mr Watson
-applied himself to the drawer only, without taking the least notice of
-the cook; for he had no suspicion but that I had dined long since.
-However, as the case was really otherwise, I forged another falsehood,
-and told my companion I had been at the further end of the city on
-business of consequence, and had snapt up a mutton-chop in haste; so
-that I was again hungry, and wished he would add a beef-steak to his
-bottle."--"Some people," cries Partridge, "ought to have good
-memories; or did you find just money enough in your breeches to pay
-for the mutton-chop?"--"Your observation is right," answered the
-stranger, "and I believe such blunders are inseparable from all
-dealing in untruth.--But to proceed--I began now to feel myself
-extremely happy. The meat and wine soon revived my spirits to a high
-pitch, and I enjoyed much pleasure in the conversation of my old
-acquaintance, the rather as I thought him entirely ignorant of what
-had happened at the university since his leaving it.
-
-"But he did not suffer me to remain long in this agreeable delusion;
-for taking a bumper in one hand, and holding me by the other, `Here,
-my boy,' cries he, `here's wishing you joy of your being so honourably
-acquitted of that affair laid to your charge.' I was thunderstruck
-with confusion at those words, which Watson observing, proceeded thus:
-`Nay, never be ashamed, man; thou hast been acquitted, and no one now
-dares call thee guilty; but, prithee, do tell me, who am thy friend--I
-hope thou didst really rob him? for rat me if it was not a meritorious
-action to strip such a sneaking, pitiful rascal; and instead of the
-two hundred guineas, I wish you had taken as many thousand. Come,
-come, my boy, don't be shy of confessing to me: you are not now
-brought before one of the pimps. D--n me if I don't honour you for it;
-for, as I hope for salvation, I would have made no manner of scruple
-of doing the same thing.'
-
-"This declaration a little relieved my abashment; and as wine had now
-somewhat opened my heart, I very freely acknowledged the robbery, but
-acquainted him that he had been misinformed as to the sum taken, which
-was little more than a fifth part of what he had mentioned.
-
-"`I am sorry for it with all my heart,' quoth he, `and I wish thee
-better success another time. Though, if you will take my advice, you
-shall have no occasion to run any such risque. Here,' said he, taking
-some dice out of his pocket, `here's the stuff. Here are the
-implements; here are the little doctors which cure the distempers of
-the purse. Follow but my counsel, and I will show you a way to empty
-the pocket of a queer cull without any danger of the nubbing cheat.'"
-
-"Nubbing cheat!" cries Partridge: "pray, sir, what is that?"
-
-"Why that, sir," says the stranger, "is a cant phrase for the gallows;
-for as gamesters differ little from highwaymen in their morals, so do
-they very much resemble them in their language.
-
-"We had now each drank our bottle, when Mr Watson said, the board was
-sitting, and that he must attend, earnestly pressing me at the same
-time to go with him and try my fortune. I answered he knew that was at
-present out of my power, as I had informed him of the emptiness of my
-pocket. To say the truth, I doubted not from his many strong
-expressions of friendship, but that he would offer to lend me a small
-sum for that purpose, but he answered, `Never mind that, man; e'en
-boldly run a levant' [Partridge was going to inquire the meaning of
-that word, but Jones stopped his mouth]: `but be circumspect as to the
-man. I will tip you the proper person, which may be necessary, as you
-do not know the town, nor can distinguish a rum cull from a queer
-one."
-
-"The bill was now brought, when Watson paid his share, and was
-departing. I reminded him, not without blushing, of my having no
-money. He answered, `That signifies nothing; score it behind the door,
-or make a bold brush and take no notice.--Or--stay,' says he; `I will
-go down-stairs first, and then do you take up my money, and score the
-whole reckoning at the bar, and I will wait for you at the corner.' I
-expressed some dislike at this, and hinted my expectations that he
-would have deposited the whole; but he swore he had not another
-sixpence in his pocket.
-
-"He then went down, and I was prevailed on to take up the money and
-follow him, which I did close enough to hear him tell the drawer the
-reckoning was upon the table. The drawer past by me up-stairs; but I
-made such haste into the street, that I heard nothing of his
-disappointment, nor did I mention a syllable at the bar, according to
-my instructions.
-
-"We now went directly to the gaming-table, where Mr Watson, to my
-surprize, pulled out a large sum of money and placed it before him, as
-did many others; all of them, no doubt, considering their own heaps as
-so many decoy birds, which were to intice and draw over the heaps of
-their neighbours.
-
-"Here it would be tedious to relate all the freaks which Fortune, or
-rather the dice, played in this her temple. Mountains of gold were in
-a few moments reduced to nothing at one part of the table, and rose as
-suddenly in another. The rich grew in a moment poor, and the poor as
-suddenly became rich; so that it seemed a philosopher could nowhere
-have so well instructed his pupils in the contempt of riches, at least
-he could nowhere have better inculcated the incertainty of their
-duration.
-
-"For my own part, after having considerably improved my small estate,
-I at last entirely demolished it. Mr Watson too, after much variety of
-luck, rose from the table in some heat, and declared he had lost a
-cool hundred, and would play no longer. Then coming up to me, he asked
-me to return with him to the tavern; but I positively refused, saying,
-I would not bring myself a second time into such a dilemma, and
-especially as he had lost all his money and was now in my own
-condition. `Pooh!' says he, `I have just borrowed a couple of guineas
-of a friend, and one of them is at your service.' He immediately put
-one of them into my hand, and I no longer resisted his inclination.
-
-"I was at first a little shocked at returning to the same house whence
-we had departed in so unhandsome a manner; but when the drawer, with
-very civil address, told us, `he believed we had forgot to pay our
-reckoning,' I became perfectly easy, and very readily gave him a
-guinea, bid him pay himself, and acquiesced in the unjust charge which
-had been laid on my memory.
-
-"Mr Watson now bespoke the most extravagant supper he could well think
-of; and though he had contented himself with simple claret before,
-nothing now but the most precious Burgundy would serve his purpose.
-
-"Our company was soon encreased by the addition of several gentlemen
-from the gaming-table; most of whom, as I afterwards found, came not
-to the tavern to drink, but in the way of business; for the true
-gamesters pretended to be ill, and refused their glass, while they
-plied heartily two young fellows, who were to be afterwards pillaged,
-as indeed they were without mercy. Of this plunder I had the good
-fortune to be a sharer, though I was not yet let into the secret.
-
-"There was one remarkable accident attended this tavern play; for the
-money by degrees totally disappeared; so that though at the beginning
-the table was half covered with gold, yet before the play ended, which
-it did not till the next day, being Sunday, at noon, there was scarce
-a single guinea to be seen on the table; and this was the stranger as
-every person present, except myself, declared he had lost; and what
-was become of the money, unless the devil himself carried it away, is
-difficult to determine."
-
-"Most certainly he did," says Partridge, "for evil spirits can carry
-away anything without being seen, though there were never so many folk
-in the room; and I should not have been surprized if he had carried
-away all the company of a set of wicked wretches, who were at play in
-sermon time. And I could tell you a true story, if I would, where the
-devil took a man out of bed from another man's wife, and carried him
-away through the keyhole of the door. I've seen the very house where
-it was done, and nobody hath lived in it these thirty years."
-
-Though Jones was a little offended by the impertinence of Partridge,
-he could not however avoid smiling at his simplicity. The stranger did
-the same, and then proceeded with his story, as will be seen in the
-next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-In which the foregoing story is farther continued.
-
-
-"My fellow-collegiate had now entered me in a new scene of life. I
-soon became acquainted with the whole fraternity of sharpers, and was
-let into their secrets; I mean, into the knowledge of those gross
-cheats which are proper to impose upon the raw and unexperienced; for
-there are some tricks of a finer kind, which are known only to a few
-of the gang, who are at the head of their profession; a degree of
-honour beyond my expectation; for drink, to which I was immoderately
-addicted, and the natural warmth of my passions, prevented me from
-arriving at any great success in an art which requires as much
-coolness as the most austere school of philosophy.
-
-"Mr Watson, with whom I now lived in the closest amity, had unluckily
-the former failing to a very great excess; so that instead of making a
-fortune by his profession, as some others did, he was alternately rich
-and poor, and was often obliged to surrender to his cooler friends,
-over a bottle which they never tasted, that plunder that he had taken
-from culls at the public table.
-
-"However, we both made a shift to pick up an uncomfortable livelihood;
-and for two years I continued of the calling; during which time I
-tasted all the varieties of fortune, sometimes flourishing in
-affluence, and at others being obliged to struggle with almost
-incredible difficulties. To-day wallowing in luxury, and to-morrow
-reduced to the coarsest and most homely fare. My fine clothes being
-often on my back in the evening, and at the pawn-shop the next
-morning.
-
-"One night, as I was returning pennyless from the gaming-table, I
-observed a very great disturbance, and a large mob gathered together
-in the street. As I was in no danger from pickpockets, I ventured into
-the croud, where upon enquiry I found that a man had been robbed and
-very ill used by some ruffians. The wounded man appeared very bloody,
-and seemed scarce able to support himself on his legs. As I had not
-therefore been deprived of my humanity by my present life and
-conversation, though they had left me very little of either honesty or
-shame, I immediately offered my assistance to the unhappy person, who
-thankfully accepted it, and, putting himself under my conduct, begged
-me to convey him to some tavern, where he might send for a surgeon,
-being, as he said, faint with loss of blood. He seemed indeed highly
-pleased at finding one who appeared in the dress of a gentleman; for
-as to all the rest of the company present, their outside was such that
-he could not wisely place any confidence in them.
-
-"I took the poor man by the arm, and led him to the tavern where we
-kept our rendezvous, as it happened to be the nearest at hand. A
-surgeon happening luckily to be in the house, immediately attended,
-and applied himself to dressing his wounds, which I had the pleasure
-to hear were not likely to be mortal.
-
-"The surgeon having very expeditiously and dextrously finished his
-business, began to enquire in what part of the town the wounded man
-lodged; who answered, `That he was come to town that very morning;
-that his horse was at an inn in Piccadilly, and that he had no other
-lodging, and very little or no acquaintance in town.'
-
-"This surgeon, whose name I have forgot, though I remember it began
-with an R, had the first character in his profession, and was
-serjeant-surgeon to the king. He had moreover many good qualities, and
-was a very generous good-natured man, and ready to do any service to
-his fellow-creatures. He offered his patient the use of his chariot to
-carry him to his inn, and at the same time whispered in his ear, `That
-if he wanted any money, he would furnish him.'
-
-"The poor man was not now capable of returning thanks for this
-generous offer; for having had his eyes for some time stedfastly on
-me, he threw himself back in his chair, crying, `Oh, my son! my son!'
-and then fainted away.
-
-"Many of the people present imagined this accident had happened
-through his loss of blood; but I, who at the same time began to
-recollect the features of my father, was now confirmed in my
-suspicion, and satisfied that it was he himself who appeared before
-me. I presently ran to him, raised him in my arms, and kissed his cold
-lips with the utmost eagerness. Here I must draw a curtain over a
-scene which I cannot describe; for though I did not lose my being, as
-my father for a while did, my senses were however so overpowered with
-affright and surprize, that I am a stranger to what passed during some
-minutes, and indeed till my father had again recovered from his swoon,
-and I found myself in his arms, both tenderly embracing each other,
-while the tears trickled a-pace down the cheeks of each of us.
-
-"Most of those present seemed affected by this scene, which we, who
-might be considered as the actors in it, were desirous of removing
-from the eyes of all spectators as fast as we could; my father
-therefore accepted the kind offer of the surgeon's chariot, and I
-attended him in it to his inn.
-
-"When we were alone together, he gently upbraided me with having
-neglected to write to him during so long a time, but entirely omitted
-the mention of that crime which had occasioned it. He then informed me
-of my mother's death, and insisted on my returning home with him,
-saying, `That he had long suffered the greatest anxiety on my account;
-that he knew not whether he had most feared my death or wished it,
-since he had so many more dreadful apprehensions for me. At last, he
-said, a neighbouring gentleman, who had just recovered a son from the
-same place, informed him where I was; and that to reclaim me from this
-course of life was the sole cause of his journey to London.' He
-thanked Heaven he had succeeded so far as to find me out by means of
-an accident which had like to have proved fatal to him; and had the
-pleasure to think he partly owed his preservation to my humanity, with
-which he profest himself to be more delighted than he should have been
-with my filial piety, if I had known that the object of all my care
-was my own father.
-
-"Vice had not so depraved my heart as to excite in it an insensibility
-of so much paternal affection, though so unworthily bestowed. I
-presently promised to obey his commands in my return home with him, as
-soon as he was able to travel, which indeed he was in a very few days,
-by the assistance of that excellent surgeon who had undertaken his
-cure.
-
-"The day preceding my father's journey (before which time I scarce
-ever left him), I went to take my leave of some of my most intimate
-acquaintance, particularly of Mr Watson, who dissuaded me from burying
-myself, as he called it, out of a simple compliance with the fond
-desires of a foolish old fellow. Such sollicitations, however, had no
-effect, and I once more saw my own home. My father now greatly
-sollicited me to think of marriage; but my inclinations were utterly
-averse to any such thoughts. I had tasted of love already, and perhaps
-you know the extravagant excesses of that most tender and most violent
-passion."--Here the old gentleman paused, and looked earnestly at
-Jones; whose countenance, within a minute's space, displayed the
-extremities of both red and white. Upon which the old man, without
-making any observations, renewed his narrative.
-
-"Being now provided with all the necessaries of life, I betook myself
-once again to study, and that with a more inordinate application than
-I had ever done formerly. The books which now employed my time solely
-were those, as well antient as modern, which treat of true philosophy,
-a word which is by many thought to be the subject only of farce and
-ridicule. I now read over the works of Aristotle and Plato, with the
-rest of those inestimable treasures which antient Greece had
-bequeathed to the world.
-
-"These authors, though they instructed me in no science by which men
-may promise to themselves to acquire the least riches or worldly
-power, taught me, however, the art of despising the highest
-acquisitions of both. They elevate the mind, and steel and harden it
-against the capricious invasions of fortune. They not only instruct in
-the knowledge of Wisdom, but confirm men in her habits, and
-demonstrate plainly, that this must be our guide, if we propose ever
-to arrive at the greatest worldly happiness, or to defend ourselves,
-with any tolerable security, against the misery which everywhere
-surrounds and invests us.
-
-"To this I added another study, compared to which, all the philosophy
-taught by the wisest heathens is little better than a dream, and is
-indeed as full of vanity as the silliest jester ever pleased to
-represent it. This is that Divine wisdom which is alone to be found in
-the Holy Scriptures; for they impart to us the knowledge and assurance
-of things much more worthy our attention than all which this world can
-offer to our acceptance; of things which Heaven itself hath
-condescended to reveal to us, and to the smallest knowledge of which
-the highest human wit unassisted could never ascend. I began now to
-think all the time I had spent with the best heathen writers was
-little more than labour lost: for, however pleasant and delightful
-their lessons may be, or however adequate to the right regulation of
-our conduct with respect to this world only; yet, when compared with
-the glory revealed in Scripture, their highest documents will appear
-as trifling, and of as little consequence, as the rules by which
-children regulate their childish little games and pastime. True it is,
-that philosophy makes us wiser, but Christianity makes us better men.
-Philosophy elevates and steels the mind, Christianity softens and
-sweetens it. The former makes us the objects of human admiration, the
-latter of Divine love. That insures us a temporal, but this an eternal
-happiness.--But I am afraid I tire you with my rhapsody."
-
-"Not at all," cries Partridge; "Lud forbid we should be tired with
-good things!"
-
-"I had spent," continued the stranger, "about four years in the most
-delightful manner to myself, totally given up to contemplation, and
-entirely unembarrassed with the affairs of the world, when I lost the
-best of fathers, and one whom I so entirely loved, that my grief at
-his loss exceeds all description. I now abandoned my books, and gave
-myself up for a whole month to the effects of melancholy and despair.
-Time, however, the best physician of the mind, at length brought me
-relief."--"Ay, ay; _Tempus edax rerum_" said Partridge.--"I then,"
-continued the stranger, "betook myself again to my former studies,
-which I may say perfected my cure; for philosophy and religion may be
-called the exercises of the mind, and when this is disordered, they
-are as wholesome as exercise can be to a distempered body. They do
-indeed produce similar effects with exercise; for they strengthen and
-confirm the mind, till man becomes, in the noble strain of Horace--
-
-     _Fortis, et in seipso totus teres atque rotundus,
-     Externi ne quid valeat per laeve morari;
-     In quem manca ruit semper Fortuna._"[*]
-
-     [*] Firm in himself, who on himself relies,
-     Polish'd and round, who runs his proper course
-     And breaks misfortunes with superior force.--MR FRANCIS.
-
-Here Jones smiled at some conceit which intruded itself into his
-imagination; but the stranger, I believe, perceived it not, and
-proceeded thus:--
-
-"My circumstances were now greatly altered by the death of that best
-of men; for my brother, who was now become master of the house,
-differed so widely from me in his inclinations, and our pursuits in
-life had been so very various, that we were the worst of company to
-each other: but what made our living together still more disagreeable,
-was the little harmony which could subsist between the few who
-resorted to me, and the numerous train of sportsmen who often attended
-my brother from the field to the table; for such fellows, besides the
-noise and nonsense with which they persecute the ears of sober men,
-endeavour always to attack them with affront and contempt. This was so
-much the case, that neither I myself, nor my friends, could ever sit
-down to a meal with them without being treated with derision, because
-we were unacquainted with the phrases of sportsmen. For men of true
-learning, and almost universal knowledge, always compassionate the
-ignorance of others; but fellows who excel in some little, low,
-contemptible art, are always certain to despise those who are
-unacquainted with that art.
-
-"In short, we soon separated, and I went, by the advice of a
-physician, to drink the Bath waters; for my violent affliction, added
-to a sedentary life, had thrown me into a kind of paralytic disorder,
-for which those waters are accounted an almost _certain_ cure. The
-second day after my arrival, as I was walking by the river, the sun
-shone so intensely hot (though it was early in the year), that I
-retired to the shelter of some willows, and sat down by the river
-side. Here I had not been seated long before I heard a person on the
-other side of the willows sighing and bemoaning himself bitterly. On a
-sudden, having uttered a most impious oath, he cried, `I am resolved
-to bear it no longer,' and directly threw himself into the water. I
-immediately started, and ran towards the place, calling at the same
-time as loudly as I could for assistance. An angler happened luckily
-to be a-fishing a little below me, though some very high sedge had hid
-him from my sight. He immediately came up, and both of us together,
-not without some hazard of our lives, drew the body to the shore. At
-first we perceived no sign of life remaining; but having held the body
-up by the heels (for we soon had assistance enough), it discharged a
-vast quantity of water at the mouth, and at length began to discover
-some symptoms of breathing, and a little afterwards to move both its
-hands and its legs.
-
-"An apothecary, who happened to be present among others, advised that
-the body, which seemed now to have pretty well emptied itself of
-water, and which began to have many convulsive motions, should be
-directly taken up, and carried into a warm bed. This was accordingly
-performed, the apothecary and myself attending.
-
-"As we were going towards an inn, for we knew not the man's lodgings,
-luckily a woman met us, who, after some violent screaming, told us
-that the gentleman lodged at her house.
-
-"When I had seen the man safely deposited there, I left him to the
-care of the apothecary; who, I suppose, used all the right methods
-with him, for the next morning I heard he had perfectly recovered his
-senses.
-
-"I then went to visit him, intending to search out, as well as I
-could, the cause of his having attempted so desperate an act, and to
-prevent, as far as I was able, his pursuing such wicked intentions for
-the future. I was no sooner admitted into his chamber, than we both
-instantly knew each other; for who should this person be but my good
-friend Mr Watson! Here I will not trouble you with what past at our
-first interview; for I would avoid prolixity as much as
-possible."--"Pray let us hear all," cries Partridge; "I want mightily
-to know what brought him to Bath."
-
-"You shall hear everything material," answered the stranger; and then
-proceeded to relate what we shall proceed to write, after we have
-given a short breathing time to both ourselves and the reader.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiv.
-
-In which the Man of the Hill concludes his history.
-
-
-"Mr Watson," continued the stranger, "very freely acquainted me, that
-the unhappy situation of his circumstances, occasioned by a tide of
-ill luck, had in a manner forced him to a resolution of destroying
-himself.
-
-"I now began to argue very seriously with him, in opposition to this
-heathenish, or indeed diabolical, principle of the lawfulness of
-self-murder; and said everything which occurred to me on the subject;
-but, to my great concern, it seemed to have very little effect on him.
-He seemed not at all to repent of what he had done, and gave me reason
-to fear he would soon make a second attempt of the like horrible kind.
-
-"When I had finished my discourse, instead of endeavouring to answer
-my arguments, he looked me stedfastly in the face, and with a smile
-said, `You are strangely altered, my good friend, since I remember
-you. I question whether any of our bishops could make a better
-argument against suicide than you have entertained me with; but unless
-you can find somebody who will lend me a cool hundred, I must either
-hang, or drown, or starve; and, in my opinion, the last death is the
-most terrible of the three.'
-
-"I answered him very gravely that I was indeed altered since I had
-seen him last. That I had found leisure to look into my follies and to
-repent of them. I then advised him to pursue the same steps; and at
-last concluded with an assurance that I myself would lend him a
-hundred pound, if it would be of any service to his affairs, and he
-would not put it into the power of a die to deprive him of it.
-
-"Mr Watson, who seemed almost composed in slumber by the former part
-of my discourse, was roused by the latter. He seized my hand eagerly,
-gave me a thousand thanks, and declared I was a friend indeed; adding
-that he hoped I had a better opinion of him than to imagine he had
-profited so little by experience, as to put any confidence in those
-damned dice which had so often deceived him. `No, no,' cries he; `let
-me but once handsomely be set up again, and if ever Fortune makes a
-broken merchant of me afterwards, I will forgive her.'
-
-"I very well understood the language of setting up, and broken
-merchant. I therefore said to him, with a very grave face, Mr Watson,
-you must endeavour to find out some business or employment, by which
-you may procure yourself a livelihood; and I promise you, could I see
-any probability of being repaid hereafter, I would advance a much
-larger sum than what you have mentioned, to equip you in any fair and
-honourable calling; but as to gaming, besides the baseness and
-wickedness of making it a profession, you are really, to my own
-knowledge, unfit for it, and it will end in your certain ruin.
-
-"`Why now, that's strange,' answered he; `neither you, nor any of my
-friends, would ever allow me to know anything of the matter, and yet I
-believe I _am_ as good a hand at every game as any of you all; and I
-heartily wish I was to play with you only for your whole fortune: I
-should desire no better sport, and I would let you name your game into
-the bargain: but come, my dear boy, have you the hundred in your
-pocket?"
-
-"I answered I had only a bill for £50, which I delivered him, and
-promised to bring him the rest next morning; and after giving him a
-little more advice, took my leave.
-
-"I was indeed better than my word; for I returned to him that very
-afternoon. When I entered the room, I found him sitting up in his bed
-at cards with a notorious gamester. This sight, you will imagine,
-shocked me not a little; to which I may add the mortification of
-seeing my bill delivered by him to his antagonist, and thirty guineas
-only given in exchange for it.
-
-"The other gamester presently quitted the room, and then Watson
-declared he was ashamed to see me; `but,' says he, `I find luck runs
-so damnably against me, that I will resolve to leave off play for
-ever. I have thought of the kind proposal you made me ever since, and
-I promise you there shall be no fault in me, if I do not put it in
-execution.'
-
-"Though I had no great faith in his promises, I produced him the
-remainder of the hundred in consequence of my own; for which he gave
-me a note, which was all I ever expected to see in return for my
-money.
-
-"We were prevented from any further discourse at present by the
-arrival of the apothecary; who, with much joy in his countenance, and
-without even asking his patient how he did, proclaimed there was great
-news arrived in a letter to himself, which he said would shortly be
-public, `That the Duke of Monmouth was landed in the west with a vast
-army of Dutch; and that another vast fleet hovered over the coast of
-Norfolk, and was to make a descent there, in order to favour the
-duke's enterprize with a diversion on that side.'
-
-"This apothecary was one of the greatest politicians of his time. He
-was more delighted with the most paultry packet, than with the best
-patient, and the highest joy he was capable of, he received from
-having a piece of news in his possession an hour or two sooner than
-any other person in the town. His advices, however, were seldom
-authentic; for he would swallow almost anything as a truth--a humour
-which many made use of to impose upon him.
-
-"Thus it happened with what he at present communicated; for it was
-known within a short time afterwards that the duke was really landed,
-but that his army consisted only of a few attendants; and as to the
-diversion in Norfolk, it was entirely false.
-
-"The apothecary staid no longer in the room than while he acquainted
-us with his news; and then, without saying a syllable to his patient
-on any other subject, departed to spread his advices all over the
-town.
-
-"Events of this nature in the public are generally apt to eclipse all
-private concerns. Our discourse therefore now became entirely
-political.[*] For my own part, I had been for some time very seriously
-affected with the danger to which the Protestant religion was so
-visibly exposed under a Popish prince, and thought the apprehension of
-it alone sufficient to justify that insurrection; for no real security
-can ever be found against the persecuting spirit of Popery, when armed
-with power, except the depriving it of that power, as woeful
-experience presently showed. You know how King James behaved after
-getting the better of this attempt; how little he valued either his
-royal word, or coronation oath, or the liberties and rights of his
-people. But all had not the sense to foresee this at first; and
-therefore the Duke of Monmouth was weakly supported; yet all could
-feel when the evil came upon them; and therefore all united, at last,
-to drive out that king, against whose exclusion a great party among us
-had so warmly contended during the reign of his brother, and for whom
-they now fought with such zeal and affection."
-
-"What you say," interrupted Jones, "is very true; and it has often
-struck me, as the most wonderful thing I ever read of in history, that
-so soon after this convincing experience which brought our whole
-nation to join so unanimously in expelling King James, for the
-preservation of our religion and liberties, there should be a party
-among us mad enough to desire the placing his family again on the
-throne." "You are not in earnest!" answered the old man; "there can be
-no such party. As bad an opinion as I have of mankind, I cannot
-believe them infatuated to such a degree. There may be some hot-headed
-Papists led by their priests to engage in this desperate cause, and
-think it a holy war; but that Protestants, that are members of the
-Church of England, should be such apostates, such _felos de se_, I
-cannot believe it; no, no, young man, unacquainted as I am with what
-has past in the world for these last thirty years, I cannot be so
-imposed upon as to credit so foolish a tale; but I see you have a mind
-to sport with my ignorance."--"Can it be possible," replied Jones,
-"that you have lived so much out of the world as not to know that
-during that time there have been two rebellions in favour of the son
-of King James, one of which is now actually raging in the very heart
-of the kingdom." At these words the old gentleman started up, and in a
-most solemn tone of voice, conjured Jones by his Maker to tell him if
-what he said was really true; which the other as solemnly affirming,
-he walked several turns about the room in a profound silence, then
-cried, then laughed, and at last fell down on his knees, and blessed
-God, in a loud thanksgiving prayer, for having delivered him from all
-society with human nature, which could be capable of such monstrous
-extravagances. After which, being reminded by Jones that he had broke
-off his story, he resumed it again in this manner:--
-
-"As mankind, in the days I was speaking of, was not yet arrived at
-that pitch of madness which I find they are capable of now, and which,
-to be sure, I have only escaped by living alone, and at a distance
-from the contagion, there was a considerable rising in favour of
-Monmouth; and my principles strongly inclining me to take the same
-part, I determined to join him; and Mr Watson, from different motives
-concurring in the same resolution (for the spirit of a gamester will
-carry a man as far upon such an occasion as the spirit of patriotism),
-we soon provided ourselves with all necessaries, and went to the duke
-at Bridgewater.
-
-"The unfortunate event of this enterprize, you are, I conclude, as
-well acquainted with as myself. I escaped, together with Mr Watson,
-from the battle at Sedgemore, in which action I received a slight
-wound. We rode near forty miles together on the Exeter road, and then
-abandoning our horses, scrambled as well as we could through the
-fields and bye-roads, till we arrived at a little wild hut on a
-common, where a poor old woman took all the care of us she could, and
-dressed my wound with salve, which quickly healed it."
-
-"Pray, sir, where was the wound?" says Partridge. The stranger
-satisfied him it was in his arm, and then continued his narrative.
-"Here, sir," said he, "Mr Watson left me the next morning, in order,
-as he pretended, to get us some provision from the town of Collumpton;
-but--can I relate it, or can you believe it?--this Mr Watson, this
-friend, this base, barbarous, treacherous villain, betrayed me to a
-party of horse belonging to King James, and at his return delivered me
-into their hands.
-
-"The soldiers, being six in number, had now seized me, and were
-conducting me to Taunton gaol; but neither my present situation, nor
-the apprehensions of what might happen to me, were half so irksome to
-my mind as the company of my false friend, who, having surrendered
-himself, was likewise considered as a prisoner, though he was better
-treated, as being to make his peace at my expense. He at first
-endeavoured to excuse his treachery; but when he received nothing but
-scorn and upbraiding from me, he soon changed his note, abused me as
-the most atrocious and malicious rebel, and laid all his own guilt to
-my charge, who, as he declared, had solicited, and even threatened
-him, to make him take up arms against his gracious as well as lawful
-sovereign.
-
-"This false evidence (for in reality he had been much the forwarder of
-the two) stung me to the quick, and raised an indignation scarce
-conceivable by those who have not felt it. However, fortune at length
-took pity on me; for as we were got a little beyond Wellington, in a
-narrow lane, my guards received a false alarm, that near fifty of the
-enemy were at hand; upon which they shifted for themselves, and left
-me and my betrayer to do the same. That villain immediately ran from
-me, and I am glad he did, or I should have certainly endeavoured,
-though I had no arms, to have executed vengeance on his baseness.
-
-"I was now once more at liberty; and immediately withdrawing from the
-highway into the fields, I travelled on, scarce knowing which way I
-went, and making it my chief care to avoid all public roads and all
-towns--nay, even the most homely houses; for I imagined every human
-creature whom I saw desirous of betraying me.
-
-"At last, after rambling several days about the country, during which
-the fields afforded me the same bed and the same food which nature
-bestows on our savage brothers of the creation, I at length arrived at
-this place, where the solitude and wildness of the country invited me
-to fix my abode. The first person with whom I took up my habitation
-was the mother of this old woman, with whom I remained concealed till
-the news of the glorious revolution put an end to all my apprehensions
-of danger, and gave me an opportunity of once more visiting my own
-home, and of enquiring a little into my affairs, which I soon settled
-as agreeably to my brother as to myself; having resigned everything to
-him, for which he paid me the sum of a thousand pounds, and settled on
-me an annuity for life.
-
-"His behaviour in this last instance, as in all others, was selfish
-and ungenerous. I could not look on him as my friend, nor indeed did
-he desire that I should; so I presently took my leave of him, as well
-as of my other acquaintance; and from that day to this, my history is
-little better than a blank."
-
-"And is it possible, sir," said Jones, "that you can have resided here
-from that day to this?"--"O no, sir," answered the gentleman; "I have
-been a great traveller, and there are few parts of Europe with which I
-am not acquainted." "I have not, sir," cried Jones, "the assurance to
-ask it of you now; indeed it would be cruel, after so much breath as
-you have already spent: but you will give me leave to wish for some
-further opportunity of hearing the excellent observations which a man
-of your sense and knowledge of the world must have made in so long a
-course of travels."--"Indeed, young gentleman," answered the stranger,
-"I will endeavour to satisfy your curiosity on this head likewise, as
-far as I am able." Jones attempted fresh apologies, but was prevented;
-and while he and Partridge sat with greedy and impatient ears, the
-stranger proceeded as in the next chapter.
-
-
-  [*] _The rest of this paragraph and the two following paragraphs
-  in the first edition were as follows_:
-
-  "For my own part, I had been for some time very seriously affected
-  with the danger to which the Protestant religion was so visibly
-  exposed, that nothing but the immediate interposition of Providence
-  seemed capable of preserving it; for King James had indeed declared
-  war against the Protestant cause. He had brought known papists into
-  the army and attempted to bring them into the Church and into the
-  University. Popish priests swarmed through the nation, appeared
-  publicly in their habits, and boasted that they should shortly walk
-  in procession through the streets. Our own clergy were forbid to
-  preach against popery, and bishops were ordered to supend those who
-  did; and to do the business at once an illegal ecclesiastical
-  commission was erected, little inferior to an inquisition, of which,
-  probably, it was intended to be the ringleader. Thus, as our duty to
-  the king can never be called more than our second duty, he had
-  discharged us from this by making it incompatible with our
-  preserving the first, which is surely to heaven. Besides this, he
-  had dissolved his subjects from their allegiance by breaking his
-  Coronation Oath, to which their allegiance is annexed; for he had
-  imprisoned bishops because they would not give up their religion,
-  and turned out judges because they would not absolutely surrender
-  the law into his hands; nay, he seized this himself, and when he
-  claimed a dispensing power, he declared himself, in fact, as
-  absolute as any tyrant ever was or can be. I have recapitulated
-  these matters in full lest some of them should have been omitted in
-  history; and I think nothing less than such provocations as I have
-  here mentioned, nothing less than certain and imminent danger to
-  their religion and liberties, can justify or even mitigate the
-  dreadful sin of rebellion in any people."
-
-  "I promise you, sir," says Jones, "all these facts, and more, I have
-  read in history, but I will tell you a fact which is not yet
-  recorded and of which I suppose you are ignorant. There is actually
-  now a rebellion on foot in this kingdom in favour of the son of that
-  very King James, a professed papist, more bigoted, if possible, than
-  his father, and this carried on by Protestants against a king who
-  hath never in one single instance made the least invasion on our
-  liberties."
-
-  "Prodigious indeed!" answered the stranger. "You tell me what would
-  be incredible of a nation which did not deserve the character that
-  Virgil gives of a woman, _varium et mutabile semper_. Surely this is
-  to be unworthy of the care which Providence seems to have taken of
-  us in the preservation of our religion against the powerful designs
-  and constant machinations of Popery, a preservation so strange and
-  unaccountable that I almost think we may appeal to it as to a
-  miracle for the proof of its holiness. Prodigious indeed! A
-  Protestant rebellion in favour of a popish prince! The folly of
-  mankind is as wonderful as their knavery--But to conclude my story:
-  I resolved to take arms in defence of my country, of my religion,
-  and my liberty, and Mr. Watson joined in the same resolution. We
-  soon provided ourselves with an necessaries and joined the Duke at
-  Bridgewater."
-
-  "The unfortunate event of this enterprise you are perhaps better
-  acquainted with than myself. I escaped together with Mr. Watson from
-  the battle at Sedgemore,...
-
-
-
-Chapter xv.
-
-A brief history of Europe; and a curious discourse between Mr Jones
-and the Man of the Hill.
-
-
-"In Italy the landlords are very silent. In France they are more
-talkative, but yet civil. In Germany and Holland they are generally
-very impertinent. And as for their honesty, I believe it is pretty
-equal in all those countries. The _laquais à louange_ are sure to lose
-no opportunity of cheating you; and as for the postilions, I think
-they are pretty much alike all the world over. These, sir, are the
-observations on men which I made in my travels; for these were the
-only men I ever conversed with. My design, when I went abroad, was to
-divert myself by seeing the wondrous variety of prospects, beasts,
-birds, fishes, insects, and vegetables, with which God has been
-pleased to enrich the several parts of this globe; a variety which, as
-it must give great pleasure to a contemplative beholder, so doth it
-admirably display the power, and wisdom, and goodness of the Creator.
-Indeed, to say the truth, there is but one work in his whole creation
-that doth him any dishonour, and with that I have long since avoided
-holding any conversation."
-
-"You will pardon me," cries Jones; "but I have always imagined that
-there is in this very work you mention as great variety as in all the
-rest; for, besides the difference of inclination, customs and climates
-have, I am told, introduced the utmost diversity into human nature."
-
-"Very little indeed," answered the other: "those who travel in order
-to acquaint themselves with the different manners of men might spare
-themselves much pains by going to a carnival at Venice; for there they
-will see at once all which they can discover in the several courts of
-Europe. The same hypocrisy, the same fraud; in short, the same follies
-and vices dressed in different habits. In Spain, these are equipped
-with much gravity; and in Italy, with vast splendor. In France, a
-knave is dressed like a fop; and in the northern countries, like a
-sloven. But human nature is everywhere the same, everywhere the object
-of detestation and scorn.
-
-"As for my own part, I past through all these nations as you perhaps
-may have done through a croud at a shew-jostling to get by them,
-holding my nose with one hand, and defending my pockets with the
-other, without speaking a word to any of them, while I was pressing on
-to see what I wanted to see; which, however entertaining it might be
-in itself, scarce made me amends for the trouble the company gave me."
-
-"Did not you find some of the nations among which you travelled less
-troublesome to you than others?" said Jones. "O yes," replied the old
-man: "the Turks were much more tolerable to me than the Christians;
-for they are men of profound taciturnity, and never disturb a stranger
-with questions. Now and then indeed they bestow a short curse upon
-him, or spit in his face as he walks the streets, but then they have
-done with him; and a man may live an age in their country without
-hearing a dozen words from them. But of all the people I ever saw,
-heaven defend me from the French! With their damned prate and
-civilities, and doing the honour of their nation to strangers (as they
-are pleased to call it), but indeed setting forth their own vanity;
-they are so troublesome, that I had infinitely rather pass my life
-with the Hottentots than set my foot in Paris again. They are a nasty
-people, but their nastiness is mostly without; whereas, in France, and
-some other nations that I won't name, it is all within, and makes them
-stink much more to my reason than that of Hottentots does to my nose.
-
-"Thus, sir, I have ended the history of my life; for as to all that
-series of years during which I have lived retired here, it affords no
-variety to entertain you, and may be almost considered as one
-day.[*] The retirement has been so compleat, that I could hardly have
-enjoyed a more absolute solitude in the deserts of the Thebais than
-here in the midst of this populous kingdom. As I have no estate, I am
-plagued with no tenants or stewards: my annuity is paid me pretty
-regularly, as indeed it ought to be; for it is much less than what I
-might have expected in return for what I gave up. Visits I admit none;
-and the old woman who keeps my house knows that her place entirely
-depends upon her saving me all the trouble of buying the things that I
-want, keeping off all sollicitation or business from me, and holding
-her tongue whenever I am within hearing. As my walks are all by night,
-I am pretty secure in this wild unfrequented place from meeting any
-company. Some few persons I have met by chance, and sent them home
-heartily frighted, as from the oddness of my dress and figure they
-took me for a ghost or a hobgoblin. But what has happened to-night
-shows that even here I cannot be safe from the villany of men; for
-without your assistance I had not only been robbed, but very probably
-murdered."
-
-  [*] the rest of this paragraph is omitted in the third edition
-
-Jones thanked the stranger for the trouble he had taken in relating
-his story, and then expressed some wonder how he could possibly endure
-a life of such solitude; "in which," says he, "you may well complain
-of the want of variety. Indeed I am astonished how you have filled up,
-or rather killed, so much of your time."
-
-"I am not at all surprized," answered the other, "that to one whose
-affections and thoughts are fixed on the world my hours should appear
-to have wanted employment in this place: but there is one single act,
-for which the whole life of man is infinitely too short: what time can
-suffice for the contemplation and worship of that glorious, immortal,
-and eternal Being, among the works of whose stupendous creation not
-only this globe, but even those numberless luminaries which we may
-here behold spangling all the sky, though they should many of them be
-suns lighting different systems of worlds, may possibly appear but as
-a few atoms opposed to the whole earth which we inhabit? Can a man who
-by divine meditations is admitted as it were into the conversation of
-this ineffable, incomprehensible Majesty, think days, or years, or
-ages, too long for the continuance of so ravishing an honour? Shall
-the trifling amusements, the palling pleasures, the silly business of
-the world, roll away our hours too swiftly from us; and shall the pace
-of time seem sluggish to a mind exercised in studies so high, so
-important, and so glorious? As no time is sufficient, so no place is
-improper, for this great concern. On what object can we cast our eyes
-which may not inspire us with ideas of his power, of his wisdom, and
-of his goodness? It is not necessary that the rising sun should dart
-his fiery glories over the eastern horizon; nor that the boisterous
-winds should rush from their caverns, and shake the lofty forest; nor
-that the opening clouds should pour their deluges on the plains: it is
-not necessary, I say, that any of these should proclaim his majesty:
-there is not an insect, not a vegetable, of so low an order in the
-creation as not to be honoured with bearing marks of the attributes of
-its great Creator; marks not only of his power, but of his wisdom and
-goodness. Man alone, the king of this globe, the last and greatest
-work of the Supreme Being, below the sun; man alone hath basely
-dishonoured his own nature; and by dishonesty, cruelty, ingratitude,
-and treachery, hath called his Maker's goodness in question, by
-puzzling us to account how a benevolent being should form so foolish
-and so vile an animal. Yet this is the being from whose conversation
-you think, I suppose, that I have been unfortunately restrained, and
-without whose blessed society, life, in your opinion, must be tedious
-and insipid."
-
-"In the former part of what you said," replied Jones, "I most heartily
-and readily concur; but I believe, as well as hope, that the
-abhorrence which you express for mankind in the conclusion, is much
-too general. Indeed, you here fall into an error, which in my little
-experience I have observed to be a very common one, by taking the
-character of mankind from the worst and basest among them; whereas,
-indeed, as an excellent writer observes, nothing should be esteemed as
-characteristical of a species, but what is to be found among the best
-and most perfect individuals of that species. This error, I believe,
-is generally committed by those who from want of proper caution in the
-choice of their friends and acquaintance, have suffered injuries from
-bad and worthless men; two or three instances of which are very
-unjustly charged on all human nature."
-
-"I think I had experience enough of it," answered the other: "my first
-mistress and my first friend betrayed me in the basest manner, and in
-matters which threatened to be of the worst of consequences--even to
-bring me to a shameful death."
-
-"But you will pardon me," cries Jones, "if I desire you to reflect who
-that mistress and who that friend were. What better, my good sir,
-could be expected in love derived from the stews, or in friendship
-first produced and nourished at the gaming-table? To take the
-characters of women from the former instance, or of men from the
-latter, would be as unjust as to assert that air is a nauseous and
-unwholesome element, because we find it so in a jakes. I have lived
-but a short time in the world, and yet have known men worthy of the
-highest friendship, and women of the highest love."
-
-"Alas! young man," answered the stranger, "you have lived, you
-confess, but a very short time in the world: I was somewhat older than
-you when I was of the same opinion."
-
-"You might have remained so still," replies Jones, "if you had not
-been unfortunate, I will venture to say incautious, in the placing
-your affections. If there was, indeed, much more wickedness in the
-world than there is, it would not prove such general assertions
-against human nature, since much of this arrives by mere accident, and
-many a man who commits evil is not totally bad and corrupt in his
-heart. In truth, none seem to have any title to assert human nature to
-be necessarily and universally evil, but those whose own minds afford
-them one instance of this natural depravity; which is not, I am
-convinced, your case."
-
-"And such," said the stranger, "will be always the most backward to
-assert any such thing. Knaves will no more endeavour to persuade us of
-the baseness of mankind, than a highwayman will inform you that there
-are thieves on the road. This would, indeed, be a method to put you on
-your guard, and to defeat their own purposes. For which reason, though
-knaves, as I remember, are very apt to abuse particular persons, yet
-they never cast any reflection on human nature in general." The old
-gentleman spoke this so warmly, that as Jones despaired of making a
-convert, and was unwilling to offend, he returned no answer.
-
-The day now began to send forth its first streams of light, when Jones
-made an apology to the stranger for having staid so long, and perhaps
-detained him from his rest. The stranger answered, "He never wanted
-rest less than at present; for that day and night were indifferent
-seasons to him; and that he commonly made use of the former for the
-time of his repose and of the latter for his walks and lucubrations.
-However," said he, "it is now a most lovely morning, and if you can
-bear any longer to be without your own rest or food, I will gladly
-entertain you with the sight of some very fine prospects which I
-believe you have not yet seen."
-
-Jones very readily embraced this offer, and they immediately set
-forward together from the cottage. As for Partridge, he had fallen
-into a profound repose just as the stranger had finished his story;
-for his curiosity was satisfied, and the subsequent discourse was not
-forcible enough in its operation to conjure down the charms of sleep.
-Jones therefore left him to enjoy his nap; and as the reader may
-perhaps be at this season glad of the same favour, we will here put an
-end to the eighth book of our history.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK IX.
-
-CONTAINING TWELVE HOURS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Of those who lawfully may, and of those who may not, write such
-histories as this.
-
-
-Among other good uses for which I have thought proper to institute
-these several introductory chapters, I have considered them as a kind
-of mark or stamp, which may hereafter enable a very indifferent reader
-to distinguish what is true and genuine in this historic kind of
-writing, from what is false and counterfeit. Indeed, it seems likely
-that some such mark may shortly become necessary, since the favourable
-reception which two or three authors have lately procured for their
-works of this nature from the public, will probably serve as an
-encouragement to many others to undertake the like. Thus a swarm of
-foolish novels and monstrous romances will be produced, either to the
-great impoverishing of booksellers, or to the great loss of time and
-depravation of morals in the reader; nay, often to the spreading of
-scandal and calumny, and to the prejudice of the characters of many
-worthy and honest people.
-
-I question not but the ingenious author of the Spectator was
-principally induced to prefix Greek and Latin mottos to every paper,
-from the same consideration of guarding against the pursuit of those
-scribblers, who having no talents of a writer but what is taught by
-the writing-master, are yet nowise afraid nor ashamed to assume the
-same titles with the greatest genius, than their good brother in the
-fable was of braying in the lion's skin.
-
-By the device therefore of his motto, it became impracticable for any
-man to presume to imitate the Spectators, without understanding at
-least one sentence in the learned languages. In the same manner I have
-now secured myself from the imitation of those who are utterly
-incapable of any degree of reflection, and whose learning is not equal
-to an essay.
-
-I would not be here understood to insinuate, that the greatest merit
-of such historical productions can ever lie in these introductory
-chapters; but, in fact, those parts which contain mere narrative only,
-afford much more encouragement to the pen of an imitator, than those
-which are composed of observation and reflection. Here I mean such
-imitators as Rowe was of Shakespear, or as Horace hints some of the
-Romans were of Cato, by bare feet and sour faces.
-
-To invent good stories, and to tell them well, are possibly very rare
-talents, and yet I have observed few persons who have scrupled to aim
-at both: and if we examine the romances and novels with which the
-world abounds, I think we may fairly conclude, that most of the
-authors would not have attempted to show their teeth (if the
-expression may be allowed me) in any other way of writing; nor could
-indeed have strung together a dozen sentences on any other subject
-whatever.
-
-     _Scribimus indocti doctique passim_,[*]
-
-     [*] --Each desperate blockhead dares to write:
-     Verse is the trade of every living wight.--FRANCIS.
-
-may be more truly said of the historian and biographer, than of any
-other species of writing; for all the arts and sciences (even
-criticism itself) require some little degree of learning and
-knowledge. Poetry, indeed, may perhaps be thought an exception; but
-then it demands numbers, or something like numbers: whereas, to the
-composition of novels and romances, nothing is necessary but paper,
-pens, and ink, with the manual capacity of using them. This, I
-conceive, their productions show to be the opinion of the authors
-themselves: and this must be the opinion of their readers, if indeed
-there be any such.
-
-Hence we are to derive that universal contempt which the world, who
-always denominate the whole from the majority, have cast on all
-historical writers who do not draw their materials from records. And
-it is the apprehension of this contempt that hath made us so
-cautiously avoid the term romance, a name with which we might
-otherwise have been well enough contented. Though, as we have good
-authority for all our characters, no less indeed than the vast
-authentic doomsday-book of nature, as is elsewhere hinted, our labours
-have sufficient title to the name of history. Certainly they deserve
-some distinction from those works, which one of the wittiest of men
-regarded only as proceeding from a _pruritus_, or indeed rather from a
-looseness of the brain.
-
-But besides the dishonour which is thus cast on one of the most useful
-as well as entertaining of all kinds of writing, there is just reason
-to apprehend, that by encouraging such authors we shall propagate much
-dishonour of another kind; I mean to the characters of many good and
-valuable members of society; for the dullest writers, no more than the
-dullest companions, are always inoffensive. They have both enough of
-language to be indecent and abusive. And surely if the opinion just
-above cited be true, we cannot wonder that works so nastily derived
-should be nasty themselves, or have a tendency to make others so.
-
-To prevent therefore, for the future, such intemperate abuses of
-leisure, of letters, and of the liberty of the press, especially as
-the world seems at present to be more than usually threatened with
-them, I shall here venture to mention some qualifications, every one
-of which are in a pretty high degree necessary to this order of
-historians.
-
-The first is, genius, without a full vein of which no study, says
-Horace, can avail us. By genius I would understand that power or
-rather those powers of the mind, which are capable of penetrating into
-all things within our reach and knowledge, and of distinguishing their
-essential differences. These are no other than invention and judgment;
-and they are both called by the collective name of genius, as they are
-of those gifts of nature which we bring with us into the world.
-Concerning each of which many seem to have fallen into very great
-errors; for by invention, I believe, is generally understood a
-creative faculty, which would indeed prove most romance writers to
-have the highest pretensions to it; whereas by invention is really
-meant no more (and so the word signifies) than discovery, or finding
-out; or to explain it at large, a quick and sagacious penetration into
-the true essence of all the objects of our contemplation. This, I
-think, can rarely exist without the concomitancy of judgment; for how
-we can be said to have discovered the true essence of two things,
-without discerning their difference, seems to me hard to conceive. Now
-this last is the undisputed province of judgment, and yet some few men
-of wit have agreed with all the dull fellows in the world in
-representing these two to have been seldom or never the property of
-one and the same person.
-
-But though they should be so, they are not sufficient for our purpose,
-without a good share of learning; for which I could again cite the
-authority of Horace, and of many others, if any was necessary to prove
-that tools are of no service to a workman, when they are not sharpened
-by art, or when he wants rules to direct him in his work, or hath no
-matter to work upon. All these uses are supplied by learning; for
-nature can only furnish us with capacity; or, as I have chose to
-illustrate it, with the tools of our profession; learning must fit
-them for use, must direct them in it, and, lastly, must contribute
-part at least of the materials. A competent knowledge of history and
-of the belles-lettres is here absolutely necessary; and without this
-share of knowledge at least, to affect the character of an historian,
-is as vain as to endeavour at building a house without timber or
-mortar, or brick or stone. Homer and Milton, who, though they added
-the ornament of numbers to their works, were both historians of our
-order, were masters of all the learning of their times.
-
-Again, there is another sort of knowledge, beyond the power of
-learning to bestow, and this is to be had by conversation. So
-necessary is this to the understanding the characters of men, that
-none are more ignorant of them than those learned pedants whose lives
-have been entirely consumed in colleges, and among books; for however
-exquisitely human nature may have been described by writers, the true
-practical system can be learnt only in the world. Indeed the like
-happens in every other kind of knowledge. Neither physic nor law are
-to be practically known from books. Nay, the farmer, the planter, the
-gardener, must perfect by experience what he hath acquired the
-rudiments of by reading. How accurately soever the ingenious Mr Miller
-may have described the plant, he himself would advise his disciple to
-see it in the garden. As we must perceive, that after the nicest
-strokes of a Shakespear or a Jonson, of a Wycherly or an Otway, some
-touches of nature will escape the reader, which the judicious action
-of a Garrick, of a Cibber, or a Clive,[*] can convey to him; so, on the
-real stage, the character shows himself in a stronger and bolder light
-than he can be described. And if this be the case in those fine and
-nervous descriptions which great authors themselves have taken from
-life, how much more strongly will it hold when the writer himself
-takes his lines not from nature, but from books? Such characters are
-only the faint copy of a copy, and can have neither the justness nor
-spirit of an original.
-
-  [*] There is a peculiar propriety in mentioning this great actor,
-  and these two most justly celebrated actresses, in this place, as
-  they have all formed themselves on the study of nature only, and not
-  on the imitation of their predecessors. Hence they have been able to
-  excel all who have gone before them; a degree of merit which the
-  servile herd of imitators can never possibly arrive at.
-
-Now this conversation in our historian must be universal, that is,
-with all ranks and degrees of men; for the knowledge of what is called
-high life will not instruct him in low; nor, _e converso_, will his
-being acquainted with the inferior part of mankind teach him the
-manners of the superior. And though it may be thought that the
-knowledge of either may sufficiently enable him to describe at least
-that in which he hath been conversant, yet he will even here fall
-greatly short of perfection; for the follies of either rank do in
-reality illustrate each other. For instance, the affectation of high
-life appears more glaring and ridiculous from the simplicity of the
-low; and again, the rudeness and barbarity of this latter, strikes
-with much stronger ideas of absurdity, when contrasted with, and
-opposed to, the politeness which controuls the former. Besides, to say
-the truth, the manners of our historian will be improved by both these
-conversations; for in the one he will easily find examples of
-plainness, honesty, and sincerity; in the other of refinement,
-elegance, and a liberality of spirit; which last quality I myself have
-scarce ever seen in men of low birth and education.
-
-Nor will all the qualities I have hitherto given my historian avail
-him, unless he have what is generally meant by a good heart, and be
-capable of feeling. The author who will make me weep, says Horace,
-must first weep himself. In reality, no man can paint a distress well
-which he doth not feel while he is painting it; nor do I doubt, but
-that the most pathetic and affecting scenes have been writ with tears.
-In the same manner it is with the ridiculous. I am convinced I never
-make my reader laugh heartily but where I have laughed before him;
-unless it should happen at any time, that instead of laughing with me
-he should be inclined to laugh at me. Perhaps this may have been the
-case at some passages in this chapter, from which apprehension I will
-here put an end to it.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Containing a very surprizing adventure indeed, which Mr Jones met with
-in his walk with the Man of the Hill.
-
-
-Aurora now first opened her casement, _Anglice_ the day began to
-break, when Jones walked forth in company with the stranger, and
-mounted Mazard Hill; of which they had no sooner gained the summit
-than one of the most noble prospects in the world presented itself to
-their view, and which we would likewise present to the reader, but for
-two reasons: first, we despair of making those who have seen this
-prospect admire our description; secondly, we very much doubt whether
-those who have not seen it would understand it.
-
-Jones stood for some minutes fixed in one posture, and directing his
-eyes towards the south; upon which the old gentleman asked, What he
-was looking at with so much attention? "Alas! sir," answered he with a
-sigh, "I was endeavouring to trace out my own journey hither. Good
-heavens! what a distance is Gloucester from us! What a vast track of
-land must be between me and my own home!"--"Ay, ay, young gentleman,"
-cries the other, "and by your sighing, from what you love better than
-your own home, or I am mistaken. I perceive now the object of your
-contemplation is not within your sight, and yet I fancy you have a
-pleasure in looking that way." Jones answered with a smile, "I find,
-old friend, you have not yet forgot the sensations of your youth. I
-own my thoughts were employed as you have guessed."
-
-They now walked to that part of the hill which looks to the
-north-west, and which hangs over a vast and extensive wood. Here they
-were no sooner arrived than they heard at a distance the most violent
-screams of a woman, proceeding from the wood below them. Jones
-listened a moment, and then, without saying a word to his companion
-(for indeed the occasion seemed sufficiently pressing), ran, or rather
-slid, down the hill, and, without the least apprehension or concern
-for his own safety, made directly to the thicket, whence the sound had
-issued.
-
-He had not entered far into the wood before he beheld a most shocking
-sight indeed, a woman stript half naked, under the hands of a ruffian,
-who had put his garter round her neck, and was endeavouring to draw
-her up to a tree. Jones asked no questions at this interval, but fell
-instantly upon the villain, and made such good use of his trusty oaken
-stick that he laid him sprawling on the ground before he could defend
-himself, indeed almost before he knew he was attacked; nor did he
-cease the prosecution of his blows till the woman herself begged him
-to forbear, saying, she believed he had sufficiently done his
-business.
-
-The poor wretch then fell upon her knees to Jones, and gave him a
-thousand thanks for her deliverance. He presently lifted her up, and
-told her he was highly pleased with the extraordinary accident which
-had sent him thither for her relief, where it was so improbable she
-should find any; adding, that Heaven seemed to have designed him as
-the happy instrument of her protection. "Nay," answered she, "I could
-almost conceive you to be some good angel; and, to say the truth, you
-look more like an angel than a man in my eye." Indeed he was a
-charming figure; and if a very fine person, and a most comely set of
-features, adorned with youth, health, strength, freshness, spirit, and
-good-nature, can make a man resemble an angel, he certainly had that
-resemblance.
-
-The redeemed captive had not altogether so much of the human-angelic
-species: she seemed to be at least of the middle age, nor had her face
-much appearance of beauty; but her cloaths being torn from all the
-upper part of her body, her breasts, which were well formed and
-extremely white, attracted the eyes of her deliverer, and for a few
-moments they stood silent, and gazing at each other; till the ruffian
-on the ground beginning to move, Jones took the garter which had been
-intended for another purpose, and bound both his hands behind him. And
-now, on contemplating his face, he discovered, greatly to his
-surprize, and perhaps not a little to his satisfaction, this very
-person to be no other than ensign Northerton. Nor had the ensign
-forgotten his former antagonist, whom he knew the moment he came to
-himself. His surprize was equal to that of Jones; but I conceive his
-pleasure was rather less on this occasion.
-
-Jones helped Northerton upon his legs, and then looking him stedfastly
-in the face, "I fancy, sir," said he, "you did not expect to meet me
-any more in this world, and I confess I had as little expectation to
-find you here. However, fortune, I see, hath brought us once more
-together, and hath given me satisfaction for the injury I have
-received, even without my own knowledge."
-
-"It is very much like a man of honour, indeed," answered Northerton,
-"to take satisfaction by knocking a man down behind his back. Neither
-am I capable of giving you satisfaction here, as I have no sword; but
-if you dare behave like a gentleman, let us go where I can furnish
-myself with one, and I will do by you as a man of honour ought."
-
-"Doth it become such a villain as you are," cries Jones, "to
-contaminate the name of honour by assuming it? But I shall waste no
-time in discourse with you. Justice requires satisfaction of you now,
-and shall have it." Then turning to the woman, he asked her, if she
-was near her home; or if not, whether she was acquainted with any
-house in the neighbourhood, where she might procure herself some
-decent cloaths, in order to proceed to a justice of the peace.
-
-She answered she was an entire stranger in that part of the world.
-Jones then recollecting himself, said, he had a friend near who would
-direct them; indeed, he wondered at his not following; but, in fact,
-the good Man of the Hill, when our heroe departed, sat himself down on
-the brow, where, though he had a gun in his hand, he with great
-patience and unconcern had attended the issue.
-
-Jones then stepping without the wood, perceived the old man sitting as
-we have just described him; he presently exerted his utmost agility,
-and with surprizing expedition ascended the hill.
-
-The old man advised him to carry the woman to Upton, which, he said,
-was the nearest town, and there he would be sure of furnishing her
-with all manner of conveniencies. Jones having received his direction
-to the place, took his leave of the Man of the Hill, and, desiring him
-to direct Partridge the same way, returned hastily to the wood.
-
-Our heroe, at his departure to make this enquiry of his friend, had
-considered, that as the ruffian's hands were tied behind him, he was
-incapable of executing any wicked purposes on the poor woman. Besides,
-he knew he should not be beyond the reach of her voice, and could
-return soon enough to prevent any mischief. He had moreover declared
-to the villain, that if he attempted the least insult, he would be
-himself immediately the executioner of vengeance on him. But Jones
-unluckily forgot, that though the hands of Northerton were tied, his
-legs were at liberty; nor did he lay the least injunction on the
-prisoner that he should not make what use of these he pleased.
-Northerton therefore having given no parole of that kind, thought he
-might without any breach of honour depart; not being obliged, as he
-imagined, by any rules, to wait for a formal discharge. He therefore
-took up his legs, which were at liberty, and walked off through the
-wood, which favoured his retreat; nor did the woman, whose eyes were
-perhaps rather turned toward her deliverer, once think of his escape,
-or give herself any concern or trouble to prevent it.
-
-Jones therefore, at his return, found the woman alone. He would have
-spent some time in searching for Northerton, but she would not permit
-him; earnestly entreating that he would accompany her to the town
-whither they had been directed. "As to the fellow's escape," said she,
-"it gives me no uneasiness; for philosophy and Christianity both
-preach up forgiveness of injuries. But for you, sir, I am concerned at
-the trouble I give you; nay, indeed, my nakedness may well make me
-ashamed to look you in the face; and if it was not for the sake of
-your protection, I should wish to go alone."
-
-Jones offered her his coat; but, I know not for what reason, she
-absolutely refused the most earnest solicitations to accept it. He
-then begged her to forget both the causes of her confusion. "With
-regard to the former," says he, "I have done no more than my duty in
-protecting you; and as for the latter, I will entirely remove it, by
-walking before you all the way; for I would not have my eyes offend
-you, and I could not answer for my power of resisting the attractive
-charms of so much beauty."
-
-Thus our heroe and the redeemed lady walked in the same manner as
-Orpheus and Eurydice marched heretofore; but though I cannot believe
-that Jones was designedly tempted by his fair one to look behind him,
-yet as she frequently wanted his assistance to help her over stiles,
-and had besides many trips and other accidents, he was often obliged
-to turn about. However, he had better fortune than what attended poor
-Orpheus, for he brought his companion, or rather follower, safe into
-the famous town of Upton.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-The arrival of Mr Jones with his lady at the inn; with a very full
-description of the battle of Upton.
-
-
-Though the reader, we doubt not, is very eager to know who this lady
-was, and how she fell into the hands of Mr Northerton, we must beg him
-to suspend his curiosity for a short time, as we are obliged, for some
-very good reasons which hereafter perhaps he may guess, to delay his
-satisfaction a little longer.
-
-Mr Jones and his fair companion no sooner entered the town, than they
-went directly to that inn which in their eyes presented the fairest
-appearance to the street. Here Jones, having ordered a servant to show
-a room above stairs, was ascending, when the dishevelled fair, hastily
-following, was laid hold on by the master of the house, who cried,
-"Heyday, where is that beggar wench going? Stay below stairs, I desire
-you." But Jones at that instant thundered from above, "Let the lady
-come up," in so authoritative a voice, that the good man instantly
-withdrew his hands, and the lady made the best of her way to the
-chamber.
-
-Here Jones wished her joy of her safe arrival, and then departed, in
-order, as he promised, to send the landlady up with some cloaths. The
-poor woman thanked him heartily for all his kindness, and said, she
-hoped she should see him again soon, to thank him a thousand times
-more. During this short conversation, she covered her white bosom as
-well as she could possibly with her arms; for Jones could not avoid
-stealing a sly peep or two, though he took all imaginable care to
-avoid giving any offence.
-
-Our travellers had happened to take up their residence at a house of
-exceeding good repute, whither Irish ladies of strict virtue, and many
-northern lasses of the same predicament, were accustomed to resort in
-their way to Bath. The landlady therefore would by no means have
-admitted any conversation of a disreputable kind to pass under her
-roof. Indeed, so foul and contagious are all such proceedings, that
-they contaminate the very innocent scenes where they are committed,
-and give the name of a bad house, or of a house of ill repute, to all
-those where they are suffered to be carried on.
-
-Not that I would intimate that such strict chastity as was preserved
-in the temple of Vesta can possibly be maintained at a public inn. My
-good landlady did not hope for such a blessing, nor would any of the
-ladies I have spoken of, or indeed any others of the most rigid note,
-have expected or insisted on any such thing. But to exclude all vulgar
-concubinage, and to drive all whores in rags from within the walls, is
-within the power of every one. This my landlady very strictly adhered
-to, and this her virtuous guests, who did not travel in rags, would
-very reasonably have expected of her.
-
-Now it required no very blameable degree of suspicion to imagine that
-Mr Jones and his ragged companion had certain purposes in their
-intention, which, though tolerated in some Christian countries,
-connived at in others, and practised in all, are however as expressly
-forbidden as murder, or any other horrid vice, by that religion which
-is universally believed in those countries. The landlady, therefore,
-had no sooner received an intimation of the entrance of the above-said
-persons than she began to meditate the most expeditious means for
-their expulsion. In order to this, she had provided herself with a
-long and deadly instrument, with which, in times of peace, the
-chambermaid was wont to demolish the labours of the industrious
-spider. In vulgar phrase, she had taken up the broomstick, and was
-just about to sally from the kitchen, when Jones accosted her with a
-demand of a gown and other vestments, to cover the half-naked woman
-upstairs.
-
-Nothing can be more provoking to the human temper, nor more dangerous
-to that cardinal virtue, patience, than solicitations of extraordinary
-offices of kindness on behalf of those very persons with whom we are
-highly incensed. For this reason Shakespear hath artfully introduced
-his Desdemona soliciting favours for Cassio of her husband, as the
-means of inflaming, not only his jealousy, but his rage, to the
-highest pitch of madness; and we find the unfortunate Moor less able
-to command his passion on this occasion, than even when he beheld his
-valued present to his wife in the hands of his supposed rival. In
-fact, we regard these efforts as insults on our understanding, and to
-such the pride of man is very difficultly brought to submit.
-
-My landlady, though a very good-tempered woman, had, I suppose, some
-of this pride in her composition, for Jones had scarce ended his
-request, when she fell upon him with a certain weapon, which, though
-it be neither long, nor sharp, nor hard, nor indeed threatens from its
-appearance with either death or wound, hath been however held in great
-dread and abhorrence by many wise men--nay, by many brave ones;
-insomuch, that some who have dared to look into the mouth of a loaded
-cannon, have not dared to look into a mouth where this weapon was
-brandished; and rather than run the hazard of its execution, have
-contented themselves with making a most pitiful and sneaking figure in
-the eyes of all their acquaintance.
-
-To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr Jones was one of these; for
-though he was attacked and violently belaboured with the aforesaid
-weapon, he could not be provoked to make any resistance; but in a most
-cowardly manner applied, with many entreaties, to his antagonist to
-desist from pursuing her blows; in plain English, he only begged her
-with the utmost earnestness to hear him; but before he could obtain
-his request, my landlord himself entered into the fray, and embraced
-that side of the cause which seemed to stand very little in need of
-assistance.
-
-There are a sort of heroes who are supposed to be determined in their
-chusing or avoiding a conflict by the character and behaviour of the
-person whom they are to engage. These are said to know their men, and
-Jones, I believe, knew his woman; for though he had been so submissive
-to her, he was no sooner attacked by her husband, than he demonstrated
-an immediate spirit of resentment, and enjoined him silence under a
-very severe penalty; no less than that, I think, of being converted
-into fuel for his own fire.
-
-The husband, with great indignation, but with a mixture of pity,
-answered, "You must pray first to be made able. I believe I am a
-better man than yourself; ay, every way, that I am;" and presently
-proceeded to discharge half-a-dozen whores at the lady above stairs,
-the last of which had scarce issued from his lips, when a swinging
-blow from the cudgel that Jones carried in his hand assaulted him over
-the shoulders.
-
-It is a question whether the landlord or the landlady was the most
-expeditious in returning this blow. My landlord, whose hands were
-empty, fell to with his fist, and the good wife, uplifting her broom
-and aiming at the head of Jones, had probably put an immediate end to
-the fray, and to Jones likewise, had not the descent of this broom
-been prevented--not by the miraculous intervention of any heathen
-deity, but by a very natural though fortunate accident, viz., by the
-arrival of Partridge; who entered the house at that instant (for fear
-had caused him to run every step from the hill), and who, seeing the
-danger which threatened his master or companion (which you chuse to
-call him), prevented so sad a catastrophe, by catching hold of the
-landlady's arm, as it was brandished aloft in the air.
-
-The landlady soon perceived the impediment which prevented her blow;
-and being unable to rescue her arm from the hands of Partridge, she
-let fall the broom; and then leaving Jones to the discipline of her
-husband, she fell with the utmost fury on that poor fellow, who had
-already given some intimation of himself, by crying, "Zounds! do you
-intend to kill my friend?"
-
-Partridge, though not much addicted to battle, would not however stand
-still when his friend was attacked; nor was he much displeased with
-that part of the combat which fell to his share; he therefore returned
-my landlady's blows as soon as he received them: and now the fight was
-obstinately maintained on all parts, and it seemed doubtful to which
-side Fortune would incline, when the naked lady, who had listened at
-the top of the stairs to the dialogue which preceded the engagement,
-descended suddenly from above, and without weighing the unfair
-inequality of two to one, fell upon the poor woman who was boxing with
-Partridge; nor did that great champion desist, but rather redoubled
-his fury, when he found fresh succours were arrived to his assistance.
-
-Victory must now have fallen to the side of the travellers (for the
-bravest troops must yield to numbers) had not Susan the chambermaid
-come luckily to support her mistress. This Susan was as two-handed a
-wench (according to the phrase) as any in the country, and would, I
-believe, have beat the famed Thalestris herself, or any of her subject
-Amazons; for her form was robust and man-like, and every way made for
-such encounters. As her hands and arms were formed to give blows with
-great mischief to an enemy, so was her face as well contrived to
-receive blows without any great injury to herself, her nose being
-already flat to her face; her lips were so large, that no swelling
-could be perceived in them, and moreover they were so hard, that a
-fist could hardly make any impression on them. Lastly, her cheek-bones
-stood out, as if nature had intended them for two bastions to defend
-her eyes in those encounters for which she seemed so well calculated,
-and to which she was most wonderfully well inclined.
-
-This fair creature entering the field of battle, immediately filed to
-that wing where her mistress maintained so unequal a fight with one of
-either sex. Here she presently challenged Partridge to single combat.
-He accepted the challenge, and a most desperate fight began between
-them.
-
-Now the dogs of war being let loose, began to lick their bloody lips;
-now Victory, with golden wings, hung hovering in the air; now Fortune,
-taking her scales from her shelf, began to weigh the fates of Tom
-Jones, his female companion, and Partridge, against the landlord, his
-wife, and maid; all which hung in exact balance before her; when a
-good-natured accident put suddenly an end to the bloody fray, with
-which half of the combatants had already sufficiently feasted. This
-accident was the arrival of a coach and four; upon which my landlord
-and landlady immediately desisted from fighting, and at their entreaty
-obtained the same favour of their antagonists: but Susan was not so
-kind to Partridge; for that Amazonian fair having overthrown and
-bestrid her enemy, was now cuffing him lustily with both her hands,
-without any regard to his request of a cessation of arms, or to those
-loud exclamations of murder which he roared forth.
-
-No sooner, however, had Jones quitted the landlord, than he flew to
-the rescue of his defeated companion, from whom he with much
-difficulty drew off the enraged chambermaid: but Partridge was not
-immediately sensible of his deliverance, for he still lay flat on the
-floor, guarding his face with his hands; nor did he cease roaring till
-Jones had forced him to look up, and to perceive that the battle was
-at an end.
-
-The landlord, who had no visible hurt, and the landlady, hiding her
-well-scratched face with her handkerchief, ran both hastily to the
-door to attend the coach, from which a young lady and her maid now
-alighted. These the landlady presently ushered into that room where Mr
-Jones had at first deposited his fair prize, as it was the best
-apartment in the house. Hither they were obliged to pass through the
-field of battle, which they did with the utmost haste, covering their
-faces with their handkerchiefs, as desirous to avoid the notice of any
-one. Indeed their caution was quite unnecessary; for the poor
-unfortunate Helen, the fatal cause of all the bloodshed, was entirely
-taken up in endeavouring to conceal her own face, and Jones was no
-less occupied in rescuing Partridge from the fury of Susan; which
-being happily effected, the poor fellow immediately departed to the
-pump to wash his face, and to stop that bloody torrent which Susan had
-plentifully set a-flowing from his nostrils.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to hostilities,
-and causes the conclusion of a firm and lasting peace between all
-parties.
-
-
-A serjeant and a file of musqueteers, with a deserter in their
-custody, arrived about this time. The serjeant presently enquired for
-the principal magistrate of the town, and was informed by my landlord,
-that he himself was vested in that office. He then demanded his
-billets, together with a mug of beer, and complaining it was cold,
-spread himself before the kitchen fire.
-
-Mr Jones was at this time comforting the poor distressed lady, who sat
-down at a table in the kitchen, and leaning her head upon her arm, was
-bemoaning her misfortunes; but lest my fair readers should be in pain
-concerning a particular circumstance, I think proper here to acquaint
-them, that before she had quitted the room above stairs, she had so
-well covered herself with a pillowbeer which she there found, that her
-regard to decency was not in the least violated by the presence of so
-many men as were now in the room.
-
-One of the soldiers now went up to the serjeant, and whispered
-something in his ear; upon which he stedfastly fixed his eyes on the
-lady, and having looked at her for near a minute, he came up to her,
-saying, "I ask pardon, madam; but I am certain I am not deceived; you
-can be no other person than Captain Waters's lady?"
-
-The poor woman, who in her present distress had very little regarded
-the face of any person present, no sooner looked at the serjeant than
-she presently recollected him, and calling him by his name, answered,
-"That she was indeed the unhappy person he imagined her to be;" but
-added, "I wonder any one should know me in this disguise." To which
-the serjeant replied, "He was very much surprized to see her ladyship
-in such a dress, and was afraid some accident had happened to
-her."--"An accident hath happened to me, indeed," says she, "and I am
-highly obliged to this gentleman" (pointing to Jones) "that it was not
-a fatal one, or that I am now living to mention it."--"Whatever the
-gentleman hath done," cries the serjeant, "I am sure the captain will
-make him amends for it; and if I can be of any service, your ladyship
-may command me, and I shall think myself very happy to have it in my
-power to serve your ladyship; and so indeed may any one, for I know
-the captain will well reward them for it."
-
-The landlady, who heard from the stairs all that past between the
-serjeant and Mrs Waters, came hastily down, and running directly up to
-her, began to ask pardon for the offences she had committed, begging
-that all might be imputed to ignorance of her quality: for, "Lud!
-madam," says she, "how should I have imagined that a lady of your
-fashion would appear in such a dress? I am sure, madam, if I had once
-suspected that your ladyship was your ladyship, I would sooner have
-burnt my tongue out, than have said what I have said; and I hope your
-ladyship will accept of a gown, till you can get your own cloaths."
-
-"Prithee, woman," says Mrs Waters, "cease your impertinence: how can
-you imagine I should concern myself about anything which comes from
-the lips of such low creatures as yourself? But I am surprized at your
-assurance in thinking, after what is past, that I will condescend to
-put on any of your dirty things. I would have you know, creature, I
-have a spirit above that."
-
-Here Jones interfered, and begged Mrs Waters to forgive the landlady,
-and to accept her gown: "for I must confess," cries he, "our
-appearance was a little suspicious when first we came in; and I am
-well assured all this good woman did was, as she professed, out of
-regard to the reputation of her house."
-
-"Yes, upon my truly was it," says she: "the gentleman speaks very much
-like a gentleman, and I see very plainly is so; and to be certain the
-house is well known to be a house of as good reputation as any on the
-road, and though I say it, is frequented by gentry of the best
-quality, both Irish and English. I defy anybody to say black is my
-eye, for that matter. And, as I was saying, if I had known your
-ladyship to be your ladyship, I would as soon have burnt my fingers as
-have affronted your ladyship; but truly where gentry come and spend
-their money, I am not willing that they should be scandalized by a set
-of poor shabby vermin, that, wherever they go, leave more lice than
-money behind them; such folks never raise my compassion, for to be
-certain it is foolish to have any for them; and if our justices did as
-they ought, they would be all whipt out of the kingdom, for to be
-certain it is what is most fitting for them. But as for your ladyship,
-I am heartily sorry your ladyship hath had a misfortune, and if your
-ladyship will do me the honour to wear my cloaths till you can get
-some of your ladyship's own, to be certain the best I have is at your
-ladyship's service."
-
-Whether cold, shame, or the persuasions of Mr Jones prevailed most on
-Mrs Waters, I will not determine, but she suffered herself to be
-pacified by this speech of my landlady, and retired with that good
-woman, in order to apparel herself in a decent manner.
-
-My landlord was likewise beginning his oration to Jones, but was
-presently interrupted by that generous youth, who shook him heartily
-by the hand, and assured him of entire forgiveness, saying, "If you
-are satisfied, my worthy friend, I promise you I am;" and indeed, in
-one sense, the landlord had the better reason to be satisfied; for he
-had received a bellyfull of drubbing, whereas Jones had scarce felt a
-single blow.
-
-Partridge, who had been all this time washing his bloody nose at the
-pump, returned into the kitchen at the instant when his master and the
-landlord were shaking hands with each other. As he was of a peaceable
-disposition, he was pleased with those symptoms of reconciliation; and
-though his face bore some marks of Susan's fist, and many more of her
-nails, he rather chose to be contented with his fortune in the last
-battle than to endeavour at bettering it in another.
-
-The heroic Susan was likewise well contented with her victory, though
-it had cost her a black eye, which Partridge had given her at the
-first onset. Between these two, therefore, a league was struck, and
-those hands which had been the instruments of war became now the
-mediators of peace.
-
-Matters were thus restored to a perfect calm; at which the serjeant,
-though it may seem so contrary to the principles of his profession,
-testified his approbation. "Why now, that's friendly," said he; "d--n
-me, I hate to see two people bear ill-will to one another after they
-have had a tussel. The only way when friends quarrel is to see it out
-fairly in a friendly manner, as a man may call it, either with a fist,
-or sword, or pistol, according as they like, and then let it be all
-over; for my own part, d--n me if ever I love my friend better than
-when I am fighting with him! To bear malice is more like a Frenchman
-than an Englishman."
-
-He then proposed a libation as a necessary part of the ceremony at all
-treaties of this kind. Perhaps the reader may here conclude that he
-was well versed in antient history; but this, though highly probable,
-as he cited no authority to support the custom, I will not affirm with
-any confidence. Most likely indeed it is, that he founded his opinion
-on very good authority, since he confirmed it with many violent oaths.
-
-Jones no sooner heard the proposal than, immediately agreeing with the
-learned serjeant, he ordered a bowl, or rather a large mug, filled
-with the liquor used on these occasions, to be brought in, and then
-began the ceremony himself. He placed his right hand in that of the
-landlord, and, seizing the bowl with his left, uttered the usual
-words, and then made his libation. After which, the same was observed
-by all present. Indeed, there is very little need of being particular
-in describing the whole form, as it differed so little from those
-libations of which so much is recorded in antient authors and their
-modern transcribers. The principal difference lay in two instances;
-for, first, the present company poured the liquor only down their
-throats; and, secondly, the serjeant, who officiated as priest, drank
-the last; but he preserved, I believe, the antient form, in swallowing
-much the largest draught of the whole company, and in being the only
-person present who contributed nothing towards the libation besides
-his good offices in assisting at the performance.
-
-The good people now ranged themselves round the kitchen fire, where
-good humour seemed to maintain an absolute dominion; and Partridge not
-only forgot his shameful defeat, but converted hunger into thirst, and
-soon became extremely facetious. We must however quit this agreeable
-assembly for a while, and attend Mr Jones to Mrs Waters's apartment,
-where the dinner which he had bespoke was now on the table. Indeed, it
-took no long time in preparing, having been all drest three days
-before, and required nothing more from the cook than to warm it over
-again.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-An apology for all heroes who have good stomachs, with a description
-of a battle of the amorous kind.
-
-
-Heroes, notwithstanding the high ideas which, by the means of
-flatterers, they may entertain of themselves, or the world may
-conceive of them, have certainly more of mortal than divine about
-them. However elevated their minds may be, their bodies at least
-(which is much the major part of most) are liable to the worst
-infirmities, and subject to the vilest offices of human nature. Among
-these latter, the act of eating, which hath by several wise men been
-considered as extremely mean and derogatory from the philosophic
-dignity, must be in some measure performed by the greatest prince,
-heroe, or philosopher upon earth; nay, sometimes Nature hath been so
-frolicsome as to exact of these dignified characters a much more
-exorbitant share of this office than she hath obliged those of the
-lowest order to perform.
-
-To say the truth, as no known inhabitant of this globe is really more
-than man, so none need be ashamed of submitting to what the
-necessities of man demand; but when those great personages I have just
-mentioned condescend to aim at confining such low offices to
-themselves--as when, by hoarding or destroying, they seem desirous to
-prevent any others from eating--then they surely become very low and
-despicable.
-
-Now, after this short preface, we think it no disparagement to our
-heroe to mention the immoderate ardour with which he laid about him at
-this season. Indeed, it may be doubted whether Ulysses, who by the way
-seems to have had the best stomach of all the heroes in that eating
-poem of the Odyssey, ever made a better meal. Three pounds at least of
-that flesh which formerly had contributed to the composition of an ox
-was now honoured with becoming part of the individual Mr Jones.
-
-This particular we thought ourselves obliged to mention, as it may
-account for our heroe's temporary neglect of his fair companion, who
-eat but very little, and was indeed employed in considerations of a
-very different nature, which passed unobserved by Jones, till he had
-entirely satisfied that appetite which a fast of twenty-four hours had
-procured him; but his dinner was no sooner ended than his attention to
-other matters revived; with these matters therefore we shall now
-proceed to acquaint the reader.
-
-Mr Jones, of whose personal accomplishments we have hitherto said very
-little, was, in reality, one of the handsomest young fellows in the
-world. His face, besides being the picture of health, had in it the
-most apparent marks of sweetness and good-nature. These qualities were
-indeed so characteristical in his countenance, that, while the spirit
-and sensibility in his eyes, though they must have been perceived by
-an accurate observer, might have escaped the notice of the less
-discerning, so strongly was this good-nature painted in his look, that
-it was remarked by almost every one who saw him.
-
-It was, perhaps, as much owing to this as to a very fine complexion
-that his face had a delicacy in it almost inexpressible, and which
-might have given him an air rather too effeminate, had it not been
-joined to a most masculine person and mien: which latter had as much
-in them of the Hercules as the former had of the Adonis. He was
-besides active, genteel, gay, and good-humoured; and had a flow of
-animal spirits which enlivened every conversation where he was
-present.
-
-When the reader hath duly reflected on these many charms which all
-centered in our heroe, and considers at the same time the fresh
-obligations which Mrs Waters had to him, it will be a mark more of
-prudery than candour to entertain a bad opinion of her because she
-conceived a very good opinion of him.
-
-But, whatever censures may be passed upon her, it is my business to
-relate matters of fact with veracity. Mrs Waters had, in truth, not
-only a good opinion of our heroe, but a very great affection for him.
-To speak out boldly at once, she was in love, according to the present
-universally-received sense of that phrase, by which love is applied
-indiscriminately to the desirable objects of all our passions,
-appetites, and senses, and is understood to be that preference which
-we give to one kind of food rather than to another.
-
-But though the love to these several objects may possibly be one and
-the same in all cases, its operations however must be allowed to be
-different; for, how much soever we may be in love with an excellent
-surloin of beef, or bottle of Burgundy; with a damask rose, or Cremona
-fiddle; yet do we never smile, nor ogle, nor dress, nor flatter, nor
-endeavour by any other arts or tricks to gain the affection of the
-said beef, &c. Sigh indeed we sometimes may; but it is generally in
-the absence, not in the presence, of the beloved object. For otherwise
-we might possibly complain of their ingratitude and deafness, with the
-same reason as Pasiphae doth of her bull, whom she endeavoured to
-engage by all the coquetry practised with good success in the
-drawing-room on the much more sensible as well as tender hearts of the
-fine gentlemen there.
-
-The contrary happens in that love which operates between persons of
-the same species, but of different sexes. Here we are no sooner in
-love than it becomes our principal care to engage the affection of the
-object beloved. For what other purpose indeed are our youth instructed
-in all the arts of rendering themselves agreeable? If it was not with
-a view to this love, I question whether any of those trades which deal
-in setting off and adorning the human person would procure a
-livelihood. Nay, those great polishers of our manners, who are by some
-thought to teach what principally distinguishes us from the brute
-creation, even dancing-masters themselves, might possibly find no
-place in society. In short, all the graces which young ladies and
-young gentlemen too learn from others, and the many improvements
-which, by the help of a looking-glass, they add of their own, are in
-reality those very _spicula et faces amoris_ so often mentioned by
-Ovid; or, as they are sometimes called in our own language, the whole
-artillery of love.
-
-Now Mrs Waters and our heroe had no sooner sat down together than the
-former began to play this artillery upon the latter. But here, as we
-are about to attempt a description hitherto unassayed either in prose
-or verse, we think proper to invoke the assistance of certain aërial
-beings, who will, we doubt not, come kindly to our aid on this
-occasion.
-
-"Say then, ye Graces! you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of
-Seraphina's countenance; for you are truly divine, are always in her
-presence, and well know all the arts of charming; say, what were the
-weapons now used to captivate the heart of Mr Jones."
-
-"First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose bright orbs flashed lightning
-at their discharge, flew forth two pointed ogles; but, happily for our
-heroe, hit only a vast piece of beef which he was then conveying into
-his plate, and harmless spent their force. The fair warrior perceived
-their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom drew forth a
-deadly sigh. A sigh which none could have heard unmoved, and which was
-sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen beaus; so soft, so sweet,
-so tender, that the insinuating air must have found its subtle way to
-the heart of our heroe, had it not luckily been driven from his ears
-by the coarse bubbling of some bottled ale, which at that time he was
-pouring forth. Many other weapons did she assay; but the god of eating
-(if there be any such deity, for I do not confidently assert it)
-preserved his votary; or perhaps it may not be _dignus vindice nodus_,
-and the present security of Jones may be accounted for by natural
-means; for as love frequently preserves from the attacks of hunger, so
-may hunger possibly, in some cases, defend us against love.
-
-"The fair one, enraged at her frequent disappointments, determined on
-a short cessation of arms. Which interval she employed in making ready
-every engine of amorous warfare for the renewing of the attack when
-dinner should be over.
-
-"No sooner then was the cloth removed than she again began her
-operations. First, having planted her right eye sidewise against Mr
-Jones, she shot from its corner a most penetrating glance; which,
-though great part of its force was spent before it reached our heroe,
-did not vent itself absolutely without effect. This the fair one
-perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes, and levelled them downwards, as
-if she was concerned for what she had done; though by this means she
-designed only to draw him from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes,
-through which she intended to surprize his heart. And now, gently
-lifting up those two bright orbs which had already begun to make an
-impression on poor Jones, she discharged a volley of small charms at
-once from her whole countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth, nor
-of joy; but a smile of affection, which most ladies have always ready
-at their command, and which serves them to show at once their
-good-humour, their pretty dimples, and their white teeth.
-
-"This smile our heroe received full in his eyes, and was immediately
-staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the
-enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on foot
-between the parties; during which the artful fair so slily and
-imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued the
-heart of our heroe before she again repaired to acts of hostility. To
-confess the truth, I am afraid Mr Jones maintained a kind of Dutch
-defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison, without duly
-weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia. In short, no sooner had
-the amorous parley ended and the lady had unmasked the royal battery,
-by carelessly letting her handkerchief drop from her neck, than the
-heart of Mr Jones was entirely taken, and the fair conqueror enjoyed
-the usual fruits of her victory."
-
-Here the Graces think proper to end their description, and here we
-think proper to end the chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very common,
-though not very friendly, conclusion.
-
-
-While our lovers were entertaining themselves in the manner which is
-partly described in the foregoing chapter, they were likewise
-furnishing out an entertainment for their good friends in the kitchen.
-And this in a double sense, by affording them matter for their
-conversation, and, at the same time, drink to enliven their spirits.
-
-There were now assembled round the kitchen fire, besides my landlord
-and landlady, who occasionally went backward and forward, Mr
-Partridge, the serjeant, and the coachman who drove the young lady and
-her maid.
-
-Partridge having acquainted the company with what he had learnt from
-the Man of the Hill concerning the situation in which Mrs Waters had
-been found by Jones, the serjeant proceeded to that part of her
-history which was known to him. He said she was the wife of Mr Waters,
-who was a captain in their regiment, and had often been with him at
-quarters. "Some folks," says he, "used indeed to doubt whether they
-were lawfully married in a church or no. But, for my part, that's no
-business of mine: I must own, if I was put to my corporal oath, I
-believe she is little better than one of us; and I fancy the captain
-may go to heaven when the sun shines upon a rainy day. But if he does,
-that is neither here nor there; for he won't want company. And the
-lady, to give the devil his due, is a very good sort of lady, and
-loves the cloth, and is always desirous to do strict justice to it;
-for she hath begged off many a poor soldier, and, by her good-will,
-would never have any of them punished. But yet, to be sure, Ensign
-Northerton and she were very well acquainted together at our last
-quarters; that is the very right and truth of the matter. But the
-captain he knows nothing about it; and as long as there is enough for
-him too, what does it signify? He loves her not a bit the worse, and I
-am certain would run any man through the body that was to abuse her;
-therefore I won't abuse her, for my part. I only repeat what other
-folks say; and, to be certain, what everybody says, there must be some
-truth in."--"Ay, ay, a great deal of truth, I warrant you," cries
-Partridge; "_Veritas odium parit_"--"All a parcel of scandalous
-stuff," answered the mistress of the house. "I am sure, now she is
-drest, she looks like a very good sort of lady, and she behaves
-herself like one; for she gave me a guinea for the use of my
-cloaths."--"A very good lady indeed!" cries the landlord; "and if you
-had not been a little too hasty, you would not have quarrelled with
-her as you did at first."--"You need mention that with my truly!"
-answered she: "if it had not been for your nonsense, nothing had
-happened. You must be meddling with what did not belong to you, and
-throw in your fool's discourse."--"Well, well," answered he; "what's
-past cannot be mended, so there's an end of the matter."--"Yes," cries
-she, "for this once; but will it be mended ever the more hereafter?
-This is not the first time I have suffered for your numscull's pate. I
-wish you would always hold your tongue in the house, and meddle only
-in matters without doors, which concern you. Don't you remember what
-happened about seven years ago?"--"Nay, my dear," returned he, "don't
-rip up old stories. Come, come, all's well, and I am sorry for what I
-have done." The landlady was going to reply, but was prevented by the
-peace-making serjeant, sorely to the displeasure of Partridge, who was
-a great lover of what is called fun, and a great promoter of those
-harmless quarrels which tend rather to the production of comical than
-tragical incidents.
-
-The serjeant asked Partridge whither he and his master were travelling?
-"None of your magisters," answered Partridge; "I am no man's servant, I
-assure you; for, though I have had misfortunes in the world, I write
-gentleman after my name; and, as poor and simple as I may appear now, I
-have taught grammar-school in my time; _sed hei mihi! non sum quod
-fui_."--"No offence, I hope, sir," said the serjeant; "where, then, if
-I may venture to be so bold, may you and your friend be
-travelling?"--"You have now denominated us right," says Partridge.
-"_Amici sumus._ And I promise you my friend is one of the greatest
-gentlemen in the kingdom" (at which words both landlord and landlady
-pricked up their ears). "He is the heir of Squire Allworthy."--"What,
-the squire who doth so much good all over the country?" cries my
-landlady. "Even he," answered Partridge.--"Then I warrant," says she,
-"he'll have a swinging great estate hereafter."--"Most certainly,"
-answered Partridge.--"Well," replied the landlady, "I thought the first
-moment I saw him he looked like a good sort of gentleman; but my
-husband here, to be sure, is wiser than anybody."--"I own, my dear,"
-cries he, "it was a mistake."--"A mistake, indeed!" answered she; "but
-when did you ever know me to make such mistakes?"--"But how comes it,
-sir," cries the landlord, "that such a great gentleman walks about the
-country afoot?"--"I don't know," returned Partridge; "great gentlemen
-have humours sometimes. He hath now a dozen horses and servants at
-Gloucester; and nothing would serve him, but last night, it being very
-hot weather, he must cool himself with a walk to yon high hill, whither
-I likewise walked with him to bear him company; but if ever you catch
-me there again: for I was never so frightened in all my life. We met
-with the strangest man there."--"I'll be hanged," cries the landlord,
-"if it was not the Man of the Hill, as they call him; if indeed he be a
-man; but I know several people who believe it is the devil that lives
-there."--"Nay, nay, like enough," says Partridge; "and now you put me
-in the head of it, I verily and sincerely believe it was the devil,
-though I could not perceive his cloven foot: but perhaps he might have
-the power given him to hide that, since evil spirits can appear in what
-shapes they please."--"And pray, sir," says the serjeant, "no offence,
-I hope; but pray what sort of a gentleman is the devil? For I have
-heard some of our officers say there is no such person; and that it is
-only a trick of the parsons, to prevent their being broke; for, if it
-was publickly known that there was no devil, the parsons would be of no
-more use than we are in time of peace."--"Those officers," says
-Partridge, "are very great scholars, I suppose."--"Not much of
-schollards neither," answered the serjeant; "they have not half your
-learning, sir, I believe; and, to be sure, I thought there must be a
-devil, notwithstanding what they said, though one of them was a
-captain; for methought, thinks I to myself, if there be no devil, how
-can wicked people be sent to him? and I have read all that upon a
-book."--"Some of your officers," quoth the landlord, "will find there
-is a devil, to their shame, I believe. I don't question but he'll pay
-off some old scores upon my account. Here was one quartered upon me
-half a year, who had the conscience to take up one of my best beds,
-though he hardly spent a shilling a day in the house, and suffered his
-men to roast cabbages at the kitchen fire, because I would not give
-them a dinner on a Sunday. Every good Christian must desire there
-should be a devil for the punishment of such wretches."--"Harkee,
-landlord," said the serjeant, "don't abuse the cloth, for I won't take
-it."--"D--n the cloth!" answered the landlord, "I have suffered enough
-by them."--"Bear witness, gentlemen," says the serjeant, "he curses the
-king, and that's high treason."--"I curse the king! you villain," said
-the landlord. "Yes, you did," cries the serjeant; "you cursed the
-cloth, and that's cursing the king. It's all one and the same; for
-every man who curses the cloth would curse the king if he durst; so for
-matter o' that, it's all one and the same thing."--"Excuse me there, Mr
-Serjeant," quoth Partridge, "that's a _non sequitur_."--"None of your
-outlandish linguo," answered the serjeant, leaping from his seat; "I
-will not sit still and hear the cloth abused."--"You mistake me,
-friend," cries Partridge. "I did not mean to abuse the cloth; I only
-said your conclusion was a _non sequitur_.[*]"--"You
-are another," cries the serjeant," an you come to that. No more a
-_sequitur_ than yourself. You are a pack of rascals, and I'll prove it;
-for I will fight the best man of you all for twenty pound." This
-challenge effectually silenced Partridge, whose stomach for drubbing
-did not so soon return after the hearty meal which he had lately been
-treated with; but the coachman, whose bones were less sore, and whose
-appetite for fighting was somewhat sharper, did not so easily brook the
-affront, of which he conceived some part at least fell to his share. He
-started therefore from his seat, and, advancing to the serjeant, swore
-he looked on himself to be as good a man as any in the army, and
-offered to box for a guinea. The military man accepted the combat, but
-refused the wager; upon which both immediately stript and engaged, till
-the driver of horses was so well mauled by the leader of men, that he
-was obliged to exhaust his small remainder of breath in begging for
-quarter.
-
-  [*] This word, which the serjeant unhappily mistook for an affront,
-  is a term in logic, and means that the conclusion does not follow
-  from the premises.
-
-The young lady was now desirous to depart, and had given orders for
-her coach to be prepared; but all in vain, for the coachman was
-disabled from performing his office for that evening. An antient
-heathen would perhaps have imputed this disability to the god of
-drink, no less than to the god of war; for, in reality, both the
-combatants had sacrificed as well to the former deity as to the
-latter. To speak plainly, they were both dead drunk, nor was Partridge
-in a much better situation. As for my landlord, drinking was his
-trade; and the liquor had no more effect on him than it had on any
-other vessel in his house.
-
-The mistress of the inn, being summoned to attend Mr Jones and his
-companion at their tea, gave a full relation of the latter part of the
-foregoing scene; and at the same time expressed great concern for the
-young lady, "who," she said, "was under the utmost uneasiness at being
-prevented from pursuing her journey. She is a sweet pretty creature,"
-added she, "and I am certain I have seen her face before. I fancy she
-is in love, and running away from her friends. Who knows but some
-young gentleman or other may be expecting her, with a heart as heavy
-as her own?"
-
-Jones fetched a heavy sigh at those words; of which, though Mrs Waters
-observed it, she took no notice while the landlady continued in the
-room; but, after the departure of that good woman, she could not
-forbear giving our heroe certain hints on her suspecting some very
-dangerous rival in his affections. The aukward behaviour of Mr Jones
-on this occasion convinced her of the truth, without his giving her a
-direct answer to any of her questions; but she was not nice enough in
-her amours to be greatly concerned at the discovery. The beauty of
-Jones highly charmed her eye; but as she could not see his heart, she
-gave herself no concern about it. She could feast heartily at the
-table of love, without reflecting that some other already had been, or
-hereafter might be, feasted with the same repast. A sentiment which,
-if it deals but little in refinement, deals, however, much in
-substance; and is less capricious, and perhaps less ill-natured and
-selfish, than the desires of those females who can be contented enough
-to abstain from the possession of their lovers, provided they are
-sufficiently satisfied that no one else possesses them.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what means she came
-into that distressful situation from which she was rescued by Jones.
-
-
-Though Nature hath by no means mixed up an equal share either of
-curiosity or vanity in every human composition, there is perhaps no
-individual to whom she hath not allotted such a proportion of both as
-requires much arts, and pains too, to subdue and keep under;--a
-conquest, however, absolutely necessary to every one who would in any
-degree deserve the characters of wisdom or good breeding.
-
-As Jones, therefore, might very justly be called a well-bred man, he
-had stifled all that curiosity which the extraordinary manner in which
-he had found Mrs Waters must be supposed to have occasioned. He had,
-indeed, at first thrown out some few hints to the lady; but, when he
-perceived her industriously avoiding any explanation, he was contented
-to remain in ignorance, the rather as he was not without suspicion
-that there were some circumstances which must have raised her blushes,
-had she related the whole truth.
-
-Now since it is possible that some of our readers may not so easily
-acquiesce under the same ignorance, and as we are very desirous to
-satisfy them all, we have taken uncommon pains to inform ourselves of
-the real fact, with the relation of which we shall conclude this book.
-
-This lady, then, had lived some years with one Captain Waters, who was
-a captain in the same regiment to which Mr Northerton belonged. She
-past for that gentleman's wife, and went by his name; and yet, as the
-serjeant said, there were some doubts concerning the reality of their
-marriage, which we shall not at present take upon us to resolve.
-
-Mrs Waters, I am sorry to say it, had for some time contracted an
-intimacy with the above-mentioned ensign, which did no great credit to
-her reputation. That she had a remarkable fondness for that young
-fellow is most certain; but whether she indulged this to any very
-criminal lengths is not so extremely clear, unless we will suppose
-that women never grant every favour to a man but one, without granting
-him that one also.
-
-The division of the regiment to which Captain Waters belonged had two
-days preceded the march of that company to which Mr Northerton was the
-ensign; so that the former had reached Worcester the very day after
-the unfortunate re-encounter between Jones and Northerton which we
-have before recorded.
-
-Now, it had been agreed between Mrs Waters and the captain that she
-would accompany him in his march as far as Worcester, where they were
-to take their leave of each other, and she was thence to return to
-Bath, where she was to stay till the end of the winter's campaign
-against the rebels.
-
-With this agreement Mr Northerton was made acquainted. To say the
-truth, the lady had made him an assignation at this very place, and
-promised to stay at Worcester till his division came thither; with
-what view, and for what purpose, must be left to the reader's
-divination; for, though we are obliged to relate facts, we are not
-obliged to do a violence to our nature by any comments to the
-disadvantage of the loveliest part of the creation.
-
-Northerton no sooner obtained a release from his captivity, as we have
-seen, than he hasted away to overtake Mrs Waters; which, as he was a
-very active nimble fellow, he did at the last-mentioned city, some few
-hours after Captain Waters had left her. At his first arrival he made
-no scruple of acquainting her with the unfortunate accident; which he
-made appear very unfortunate indeed, for he totally extracted every
-particle of what could be called fault, at least in a court of honour,
-though he left some circumstances which might be questionable in a
-court of law.
-
-Women, to their glory be it spoken, are more generally capable of that
-violent and apparently disinterested passion of love, which seeks only
-the good of its object, than men. Mrs Waters, therefore, was no sooner
-apprized of the danger to which her lover was exposed, than she lost
-every consideration besides that of his safety; and this being a
-matter equally agreeable to the gentleman, it became the immediate
-subject of debate between them.
-
-After much consultation on this matter, it was at length agreed that
-the ensign should go across the country to Hereford, whence he might
-find some conveyance to one of the sea-ports in Wales, and thence
-might make his escape abroad. In all which expedition Mrs Waters
-declared she would bear him company; and for which she was able to
-furnish him with money, a very material article to Mr Northerton, she
-having then in her pocket three bank-notes to the amount of £90,
-besides some cash, and a diamond ring of pretty considerable value on
-her finger. All which she, with the utmost confidence, revealed to
-this wicked man, little suspecting she should by these means inspire
-him with a design of robbing her. Now, as they must, by taking horses
-from Worcester, have furnished any pursuers with the means of
-hereafter discovering their route, the ensign proposed, and the lady
-presently agreed, to make their first stage on foot; for which purpose
-the hardness of the frost was very seasonable.
-
-The main part of the lady's baggage was already at Bath, and she had
-nothing with her at present besides a very small quantity of linen,
-which the gallant undertook to carry in his own pockets. All things,
-therefore, being settled in the evening, they arose early the next
-morning, and at five o'clock departed from Worcester, it being then
-above two hours before day, but the moon, which was then at the full,
-gave them all the light she was capable of affording.
-
-Mrs Waters was not of that delicate race of women who are obliged to
-the invention of vehicles for the capacity of removing themselves from
-one place to another, and with whom consequently a coach is reckoned
-among the necessaries of life. Her limbs were indeed full of strength
-and agility, and, as her mind was no less animated with spirit, she
-was perfectly able to keep pace with her nimble lover.
-
-Having travelled on for some miles in a high road, which Northerton
-said he was informed led to Hereford, they came at the break of day to
-the side of a large wood, where he suddenly stopped, and, affecting to
-meditate a moment with himself, expressed some apprehensions from
-travelling any longer in so public a way. Upon which he easily
-persuaded his fair companion to strike with him into a path which
-seemed to lead directly through the wood, and which at length brought
-them both to the bottom of Mazard Hill.
-
-Whether the execrable scheme which he now attempted to execute was the
-effect of previous deliberation, or whether it now first came into his
-head, I cannot determine. But being arrived in this lonely place,
-where it was very improbable he should meet with any interruption, he
-suddenly slipped his garter from his leg, and, laying violent hands on
-the poor woman, endeavoured to perpetrate that dreadful and detestable
-fact which we have before commemorated, and which the providential
-appearance of Jones did so fortunately prevent.
-
-Happy was it for Mrs Waters that she was not of the weakest order of
-females; for no sooner did she perceive, by his tying a knot in his
-garter, and by his declarations, what his hellish intentions were,
-than she stood stoutly to her defence, and so strongly struggled with
-her enemy, screaming all the while for assistance, that she delayed
-the execution of the villain's purpose several minutes, by which means
-Mr Jones came to her relief at that very instant when her strength
-failed and she was totally overpowered, and delivered her from the
-ruffian's hands, with no other loss than that of her cloaths, which
-were torn from her back, and of the diamond ring, which during the
-contention either dropped from her finger, or was wrenched from it by
-Northerton.
-
-Thus, reader, we have given thee the fruits of a very painful enquiry
-which for thy satisfaction we have made into this matter. And here we
-have opened to thee a scene of folly as well as villany, which we
-could scarce have believed a human creature capable of being guilty
-of, had we not remembered that this fellow was at that time firmly
-persuaded that he had already committed a murder, and had forfeited
-his life to the law. As he concluded therefore that his only safety
-lay in flight, he thought the possessing himself of this poor woman's
-money and ring would make him amends for the additional burthen he was
-to lay on his conscience.
-
-And here, reader, we must strictly caution thee that thou dost not
-take any occasion, from the misbehaviour of such a wretch as this, to
-reflect on so worthy and honourable a body of men as are the officers
-of our army in general. Thou wilt be pleased to consider that this
-fellow, as we have already informed thee, had neither the birth nor
-education of a gentleman, nor was a proper person to be enrolled among
-the number of such. If, therefore, his baseness can justly reflect on
-any besides himself, it must be only on those who gave him his
-commission.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK X.
-
-IN WHICH THE HISTORY GOES FORWARD ABOUT TWELVE HOURS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Containing instructions very necessary to be perused by modern
-critics.
-
-
-Reader, it is impossible we should know what sort of person thou wilt
-be; for, perhaps, thou may'st be as learned in human nature as
-Shakespear himself was, and, perhaps, thou may'st be no wiser than
-some of his editors. Now, lest this latter should be the case, we
-think proper, before we go any farther together, to give thee a few
-wholesome admonitions; that thou may'st not as grossly misunderstand
-and misrepresent us, as some of the said editors have misunderstood
-and misrepresented their author.
-
-First, then, we warn thee not too hastily to condemn any of the
-incidents in this our history as impertinent and foreign to our main
-design, because thou dost not immediately conceive in what manner such
-incident may conduce to that design. This work may, indeed, be
-considered as a great creation of our own; and for a little reptile of
-a critic to presume to find fault with any of its parts, without
-knowing the manner in which the whole is connected, and before he
-comes to the final catastrophe, is a most presumptuous absurdity. The
-allusion and metaphor we have here made use of, we must acknowledge to
-be infinitely too great for our occasion; but there is, indeed, no
-other, which is at all adequate to express the difference between an
-author of the first rate and a critic of the lowest.
-
-Another caution we would give thee, my good reptile, is, that thou
-dost not find out too near a resemblance between certain characters
-here introduced; as, for instance, between the landlady who appears in
-the seventh book and her in the ninth. Thou art to know, friend, that
-there are certain characteristics in which most individuals of every
-profession and occupation agree. To be able to preserve these
-characteristics, and at the same time to diversify their operations,
-is one talent of a good writer. Again, to mark the nice distinction
-between two persons actuated by the same vice or folly is another;
-and, as this last talent is found in very few writers, so is the true
-discernment of it found in as few readers; though, I believe, the
-observation of this forms a very principal pleasure in those who are
-capable of the discovery; every person, for instance, can distinguish
-between Sir Epicure Mammon and Sir Fopling Flutter; but to note the
-difference between Sir Fopling Flutter and Sir Courtly Nice requires a
-more exquisite judgment: for want of which, vulgar spectators of plays
-very often do great injustice in the theatre; where I have sometimes
-known a poet in danger of being convicted as a thief, upon much worse
-evidence than the resemblance of hands hath been held to be in the
-law. In reality, I apprehend every amorous widow on the stage would
-run the hazard of being condemned as a servile imitation of Dido, but
-that happily very few of our play-house critics understand enough of
-Latin to read Virgil.
-
-In the next place, we must admonish thee, my worthy friend (for,
-perhaps, thy heart may be better than thy head), not to condemn a
-character as a bad one, because it is not perfectly a good one. If
-thou dost delight in these models of perfection, there are books enow
-written to gratify thy taste; but, as we have not, in the course of
-our conversation, ever happened to meet with any such person, we have
-not chosen to introduce any such here. To say the truth, I a little
-question whether mere man ever arrived at this consummate degree of
-excellence, as well as whether there hath ever existed a monster bad
-enough to verify that
-
-      _----nulla virtute redemptum
-       A vitiis_----[*]
-
-  [*] Whose vices are not allayed with a single virtue
-
-in Juvenal; nor do I, indeed, conceive the good purposes served by
-inserting characters of such angelic perfection, or such diabolical
-depravity, in any work of invention; since, from contemplating either,
-the mind of man is more likely to be overwhelmed with sorrow and shame
-than to draw any good uses from such patterns; for in the former
-instance he may be both concerned and ashamed to see a pattern of
-excellence in his nature, which he may reasonably despair of ever
-arriving at; and in contemplating the latter he may be no less
-affected with those uneasy sensations, at seeing the nature of which
-he is a partaker degraded into so odious and detestable a creature.
-
-In fact, if there be enough of goodness in a character to engage the
-admiration and affection of a well-disposed mind, though there should
-appear some of those little blemishes _quas humana parum cavit
-natura_, they will raise our compassion rather than our abhorrence.
-Indeed, nothing can be of more moral use than the imperfections which
-are seen in examples of this kind; since such form a kind of surprize,
-more apt to affect and dwell upon our minds than the faults of very
-vicious and wicked persons. The foibles and vices of men, in whom
-there is great mixture of good, become more glaring objects from the
-virtues which contrast them and shew their deformity; and when we find
-such vices attended with their evil consequence to our favourite
-characters, we are not only taught to shun them for our own sake, but
-to hate them for the mischiefs they have already brought on those we
-love.
-
-And now, my friend, having given you these few admonitions, we will,
-if you please, once more set forward with our history.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Containing the arrival of an Irish gentleman, with very extraordinary
-adventures which ensued at the inn.
-
-
-Now the little trembling hare, which the dread of all her numerous
-enemies, and chiefly of that cunning, cruel, carnivorous animal, man,
-had confined all the day to her lurking-place, sports wantonly o'er
-the lawns; now on some hollow tree the owl, shrill chorister of the
-night, hoots forth notes which might charm the ears of some modern
-connoisseurs in music; now, in the imagination of the half-drunk
-clown, as he staggers through the churchyard, or rather charnelyard,
-to his home, fear paints the bloody hobgoblin; now thieves and
-ruffians are awake, and honest watchmen fast asleep; in plain English,
-it was now midnight; and the company at the inn, as well those who
-have been already mentioned in this history, as some others who
-arrived in the evening, were all in bed. Only Susan Chambermaid was
-now stirring, she being obliged to wash the kitchen before she retired
-to the arms of the fond expecting hostler.
-
-In this posture were affairs at the inn when a gentleman arrived there
-post. He immediately alighted from his horse, and, coming up to Susan,
-enquired of her, in a very abrupt and confused manner, being almost
-out of breath with eagerness, Whether there was any lady in the house?
-The hour of night, and the behaviour of the man, who stared very
-wildly all the time, a little surprized Susan, so that she hesitated
-before she made any answer; upon which the gentleman, with redoubled
-eagerness, begged her to give him a true information, saying, He had
-lost his wife, and was come in pursuit of her. "Upon my shoul," cries
-he, "I have been near catching her already in two or three places, if
-I had not found her gone just as I came up with her. If she be in the
-house, do carry me up in the dark and show her to me; and if she be
-gone away before me, do tell me which way I shall go after her to meet
-her, and, upon my shoul, I will make you the richest poor woman in the
-nation." He then pulled out a handful of guineas, a sight which would
-have bribed persons of much greater consequence than this poor wench
-to much worse purposes.
-
-Susan, from the account she had received of Mrs Waters, made not the
-least doubt but that she was the very identical stray whom the right
-owner pursued. As she concluded, therefore, with great appearance of
-reason, that she never could get money in an honester way than by
-restoring a wife to her husband, she made no scruple of assuring the
-gentleman that the lady he wanted was then in the house; and was
-presently afterwards prevailed upon (by very liberal promises, and
-some earnest paid into her hands) to conduct him to the bedchamber of
-Mrs Waters.
-
-It hath been a custom long established in the polite world, and that
-upon very solid and substantial reasons, that a husband shall never
-enter his wife's apartment without first knocking at the door. The
-many excellent uses of this custom need scarce be hinted to a reader
-who hath any knowledge of the world; for by this means the lady hath
-time to adjust herself, or to remove any disagreeable object out of
-the way; for there are some situations in which nice and delicate
-women would not be discovered by their husbands.
-
-To say the truth, there are several ceremonies instituted among the
-polished part of mankind, which, though they may, to coarser
-judgments, appear as matters of mere form, are found to have much of
-substance in them, by the more discerning; and lucky would it have
-been had the custom above mentioned been observed by our gentleman in
-the present instance. Knock, indeed, he did at the door, but not with
-one of those gentle raps which is usual on such occasions. On the
-contrary, when he found the door locked, he flew at it with such
-violence, that the lock immediately gave way, the door burst open, and
-he fell headlong into the room.
-
-He had no sooner recovered his legs than forth from the bed, upon his
-legs likewise, appeared--with shame and sorrow are we obliged to
-proceed--our heroe himself, who, with a menacing voice, demanded of
-the gentleman who he was, and what he meant by daring to burst open
-his chamber in that outrageous manner.
-
-The gentleman at first thought he had committed a mistake, and was
-going to ask pardon and retreat, when, on a sudden, as the moon shone
-very bright, he cast his eyes on stays, gowns, petticoats, caps,
-ribbons, stockings, garters, shoes, clogs, &c., all which lay in a
-disordered manner on the floor. All these, operating on the natural
-jealousy of his temper, so enraged him, that he lost all power of
-speech; and, without returning any answer to Jones, he endeavoured to
-approach the bed.
-
-Jones immediately interposing, a fierce contention arose, which soon
-proceeded to blows on both sides. And now Mrs Waters (for we must
-confess she was in the same bed), being, I suppose, awakened from her
-sleep, and seeing two men fighting in her bedchamber, began to scream
-in the most violent manner, crying out murder! robbery! and more
-frequently rape! which last, some, perhaps, may wonder she should
-mention, who do not consider that these words of exclamation are used
-by ladies in a fright, as fa, la, la, ra, da, &c., are in music, only
-as the vehicles of sound, and without any fixed ideas.
-
-Next to the lady's chamber was deposited the body of an Irish
-gentleman who arrived too late at the inn to have been mentioned
-before. This gentleman was one of those whom the Irish call a
-calabalaro, or cavalier. He was a younger brother of a good family,
-and, having no fortune at home, was obliged to look abroad in order to
-get one; for which purpose he was proceeding to the Bath, to try his
-luck with cards and the women.
-
-This young fellow lay in bed reading one of Mrs Behn's novels; for he
-had been instructed by a friend that he would find no more effectual
-method of recommending himself to the ladies than the improving his
-understanding, and filling his mind with good literature. He no
-sooner, therefore, heard the violent uproar in the next room, than he
-leapt from his bolster, and, taking his sword in one hand, and the
-candle which burnt by him in the other, he went directly to Mrs
-Waters's chamber.
-
-If the sight of another man in his shirt at first added some shock to
-the decency of the lady, it made her presently amends by considerably
-abating her fears; for no sooner had the calabalaro entered the room
-than he cried out, "Mr Fitzpatrick, what the devil is the maning of
-this?" Upon which the other immediately answered, "O, Mr Maclachlan! I
-am rejoiced you are here.--This villain hath debauched my wife, and is
-got into bed with her."--"What wife?" cries Maclachlan; "do not I know
-Mrs Fitzpatrick very well, and don't I see that the lady, whom the
-gentleman who stands here in his shirt is lying in bed with, is none
-of her?"
-
-Fitzpatrick, now perceiving, as well by the glimpse he had of the
-lady, as by her voice, which might have been distinguished at a
-greater distance than he now stood from her, that he had made a very
-unfortunate mistake, began to ask many pardons of the lady; and then,
-turning to Jones, he said, "I would have you take notice I do not ask
-your pardon, for you have bate me; for which I am resolved to have
-your blood in the morning."
-
-Jones treated this menace with much contempt; and Mr Maclachlan
-answered, "Indeed, Mr Fitzpatrick, you may be ashamed of your own
-self, to disturb people at this time of night; if all the people in
-the inn were not asleep, you would have awakened them as you have me.
-The gentleman has served you very rightly. Upon my conscience, though
-I have no wife, if you had treated her so, I would have cut your
-throat."
-
-Jones was so confounded with his fears for his lady's reputation, that
-he knew neither what to say or do; but the invention of women is, as
-hath been observed, much readier than that of men. She recollected
-that there was a communication between her chamber and that of Mr
-Jones; relying, therefore, on his honour and her own assurance, she
-answered, "I know not what you mean, villains! I am wife to none of
-you. Help! Rape! Murder! Rape!"--And now, the landlady coming into the
-room, Mrs Waters fell upon her with the utmost virulence, saying, "She
-thought herself in a sober inn, and not in a bawdy-house; but that a
-set of villains had broke into her room, with an intent upon her
-honour, if not upon her life; and both, she said, were equally dear to
-her."
-
-The landlady now began to roar as loudly as the poor woman in bed had
-done before. She cried, "She was undone, and that the reputation of
-her house, which was never blown upon before, was utterly destroyed."
-Then, turning to the men, she cried, "What, in the devil's name, is
-the reason of all this disturbance in the lady's room?" Fitzpatrick,
-hanging down his head, repeated, "That he had committed a mistake, for
-which he heartily asked pardon," and then retired with his countryman.
-Jones, who was too ingenious to have missed the hint given him by his
-fair one, boldly asserted, "That he had run to her assistance upon
-hearing the door broke open, with what design he could not conceive,
-unless of robbing the lady; which, if they intended, he said, he had
-the good fortune to prevent." "I never had a robbery committed in my
-house since I have kept it," cries the landlady; "I would have you to
-know, sir, I harbour no highwaymen here; I scorn the word, thof I say
-it. None but honest, good gentlefolks, are welcome to my house; and, I
-thank good luck, I have always had enow of such customers; indeed as
-many as I could entertain. Here hath been my lord--," and then she
-repeated over a catalogue of names and titles, many of which we might,
-perhaps, be guilty of a breach of privilege by inserting.
-
-Jones, after much patience, at length interrupted her, by making an
-apology to Mrs Waters, for having appeared before her in his shirt,
-assuring her "That nothing but a concern for her safety could have
-prevailed on him to do it." The reader may inform himself of her
-answer, and, indeed, of her whole behaviour to the end of the scene,
-by considering the situation which she affected, it being that of a
-modest lady, who was awakened out of her sleep by three strange men in
-her chamber. This was the part which she undertook to perform; and,
-indeed, she executed it so well, that none of our theatrical actresses
-could exceed her, in any of their performances, either on or off the
-stage.
-
-And hence, I think, we may very fairly draw an argument, to prove how
-extremely natural virtue is to the fair sex; for, though there is not,
-perhaps, one in ten thousand who is capable of making a good actress,
-and even among these we rarely see two who are equally able to
-personate the same character, yet this of virtue they can all
-admirably well put on; and as well those individuals who have it not,
-as those who possess it, can all act it to the utmost degree of
-perfection.
-
-When the men were all departed, Mrs Waters, recovering from her fear,
-recovered likewise from her anger, and spoke in much gentler accents
-to the landlady, who did not so readily quit her concern for the
-reputation of the house, in favour of which she began again to number
-the many great persons who had slept under her roof; but the lady
-stopt her short, and having absolutely acquitted her of having had any
-share in the past disturbance, begged to be left to her repose, which,
-she said, she hoped to enjoy unmolested during the remainder of the
-night. Upon which the landlady, after much civility and many
-courtsies, took her leave.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-A dialogue between the landlady and Susan the chamber-maid, proper to
-be read by all inn-keepers and their servants; with the arrival, and
-affable behaviour of a beautiful young lady; which may teach persons
-of condition how they may acquire the love of the whole world.
-
-
-The landlady, remembering that Susan had been the only person out of
-bed when the door was burst open, resorted presently to her, to
-enquire into the first occasion of the disturbance, as well as who the
-strange gentleman was, and when and how he arrived.
-
-Susan related the whole story which the reader knows already, varying
-the truth only in some circumstances, as she saw convenient, and
-totally concealing the money which she had received. But whereas her
-mistress had, in the preface to her enquiry, spoken much in compassion
-for the fright which the lady had been in concerning any intended
-depredations on her virtue, Susan could not help endeavouring to quiet
-the concern which her mistress seemed to be under on that account, by
-swearing heartily she saw Jones leap out from her bed.
-
-The landlady fell into a violent rage at these words. "A likely story,
-truly," cried she, "that a woman should cry out, and endeavour to
-expose herself, if that was the case! I desire to know what better
-proof any lady can give of her virtue than her crying out, which, I
-believe, twenty people can witness for her she did? I beg, madam, you
-would spread no such scandal of any of my guests; for it will not only
-reflect on them, but upon the house; and I am sure no vagabonds, nor
-wicked beggarly people, come here."
-
-"Well," says Susan, "then I must not believe my own eyes." "No,
-indeed, must you not always," answered her mistress; "I would not have
-believed my own eyes against such good gentlefolks. I have not had a
-better supper ordered this half-year than they ordered last night; and
-so easy and good-humoured were they, that they found no fault with my
-Worcestershire perry, which I sold them for champagne; and to be sure
-it is as well tasted and as wholesome as the best champagne in the
-kingdom, otherwise I would scorn to give it 'em; and they drank me two
-bottles. No, no, I will never believe any harm of such sober good sort
-of people."
-
-Susan being thus silenced, her mistress proceeded to other matters.
-"And so you tell me," continued she, "that the strange gentleman came
-post, and there is a footman without with the horses; why, then, he is
-certainly some of your great gentlefolks too. Why did not you ask him
-whether he'd have any supper? I think he is in the other gentleman's
-room; go up and ask whether he called. Perhaps he'll order something
-when he finds anybody stirring in the house to dress it. Now don't
-commit any of your usual blunders, by telling him the fire's out, and
-the fowls alive. And if he should order mutton, don't blab out that we
-have none. The butcher, I know, killed a sheep just before I went to
-bed, and he never refuses to cut it up warm when I desire it. Go,
-remember there's all sorts of mutton and fowls; go, open the door
-with, Gentlemen, d'ye call? and if they say nothing, ask what his
-honour will be pleased to have for supper? Don't forget his honour.
-Go; if you don't mind all these matters better, you'll never come to
-anything."
-
-Susan departed, and soon returned with an account that the two
-gentlemen were got both into the same bed. "Two gentlemen," says the
-landlady, "in the same bed! that's impossible; they are two arrant
-scrubs, I warrant them; and I believe young Squire Allworthy guessed
-right, that the fellow intended to rob her ladyship; for, if he had
-broke open the lady's door with any of the wicked designs of a
-gentleman, he would never have sneaked away to another room to save
-the expense of a supper and a bed to himself. They are certainly
-thieves, and their searching after a wife is nothing but a pretence."
-
-In these censures my landlady did Mr Fitzpatrick great injustice; for
-he was really born a gentleman, though not worth a groat; and though,
-perhaps, he had some few blemishes in his heart as well as in his
-head, yet being a sneaking or a niggardly fellow was not one of them.
-In reality, he was so generous a man, that, whereas he had received a
-very handsome fortune with his wife, he had now spent every penny of
-it, except some little pittance which was settled upon her; and, in
-order to possess himself of this, he had used her with such cruelty,
-that, together with his jealousy, which was of the bitterest kind, it
-had forced the poor woman to run away from him.
-
-This gentleman then being well tired with his long journey from
-Chester in one day, with which, and some good dry blows he had
-received in the scuffle, his bones were so sore, that, added to the
-soreness of his mind, it had quite deprived him of any appetite for
-eating. And being now so violently disappointed in the woman whom, at
-the maid's instance, he had mistaken for his wife, it never once
-entered into his head that she might nevertheless be in the house,
-though he had erred in the first person he had attacked. He therefore
-yielded to the dissuasions of his friend from searching any farther
-after her that night, and accepted the kind offer of part of his bed.
-
-The footman and post-boy were in a different disposition. They were
-more ready to order than the landlady was to provide; however, after
-being pretty well satisfied by them of the real truth of the case, and
-that Mr Fitzpatrick was no thief, she was at length prevailed on to
-set some cold meat before them, which they were devouring with great
-greediness, when Partridge came into the kitchen. He had been first
-awaked by the hurry which we have before seen; and while he was
-endeavouring to compose himself again on his pillow, a screech-owl had
-given him such a serenade at his window, that he leapt in a most
-horrible affright from his bed, and, huddling on his cloaths with
-great expedition, ran down to the protection of the company, whom he
-heard talking below in the kitchen.
-
-His arrival detained my landlady from returning to her rest; for she
-was just about to leave the other two guests to the care of Susan; but
-the friend of young Squire Allworthy was not to be so neglected,
-especially as he called for a pint of wine to be mulled. She
-immediately obeyed, by putting the same quantity of perry to the fire;
-for this readily answered to the name of every kind of wine.
-
-The Irish footman was retired to bed, and the post-boy was going to
-follow; but Partridge invited him to stay and partake of his wine,
-which the lad very thankfully accepted. The schoolmaster was indeed
-afraid to return to bed by himself; and as he did not know how soon he
-might lose the company of my landlady, he was resolved to secure that
-of the boy, in whose presence he apprehended no danger from the devil
-or any of his adherents.
-
-And now arrived another post-boy at the gate; upon which Susan, being
-ordered out, returned, introducing two young women in riding habits,
-one of which was so very richly laced, that Partridge and the post-boy
-instantly started from their chairs, and my landlady fell to her
-courtsies, and her ladyships, with great eagerness.
-
-The lady in the rich habit said, with a smile of great condescension,
-"If you will give me leave, madam, I will warm myself a few minutes at
-your kitchen fire, for it is really very cold; but I must insist on
-disturbing no one from his seat." This was spoken on account of
-Partridge, who had retreated to the other end of the room, struck with
-the utmost awe and astonishment at the splendor of the lady's dress.
-Indeed, she had a much better title to respect than this; for she was
-one of the most beautiful creatures in the world.
-
-The lady earnestly desired Partridge to return to his seat; but could
-not prevail. She then pulled off her gloves, and displayed to the fire
-two hands, which had every property of snow in them, except that of
-melting. Her companion, who was indeed her maid, likewise pulled off
-her gloves, and discovered what bore an exact resemblance, in cold and
-colour, to a piece of frozen beef.
-
-"I wish, madam," quoth the latter, "your ladyship would not think of
-going any farther to-night. I am terribly afraid your ladyship will
-not be able to bear the fatigue."
-
-"Why sure," cries the landlady, "her ladyship's honour can never
-intend it. O, bless me! farther to-night, indeed! let me beseech your
-ladyship not to think on't----But, to be sure, your ladyship can't.
-What will your honour be pleased to have for supper? I have mutton of
-all kinds, and some nice chicken."
-
-"I think, madam," said the lady, "it would be rather breakfast than
-supper; but I can't eat anything; and, if I stay, shall only lie down
-for an hour or two. However, if you please, madam, you may get me a
-little sack whey, made very small and thin."
-
-"Yes, madam," cries the mistress of the house, "I have some excellent
-white wine."--"You have no sack, then?" says the lady. "Yes, an't
-please your honour, I have; I may challenge the country for that--but
-let me beg your ladyship to eat something."
-
-"Upon my word, I can't eat a morsel," answered the lady; "and I shall
-be much obliged to you if you will please to get my apartment ready as
-soon as possible; for I am resolved to be on horseback again in three
-hours."
-
-"Why, Susan," cries the landlady, "is there a fire lit yet in the
-Wild-goose? I am sorry, madam, all my best rooms are full. Several
-people of the first quality are now in bed. Here's a great young
-squire, and many other great gentlefolks of quality." Susan answered,
-"That the Irish gentlemen were got into the Wild-goose."
-
-"Was ever anything like it?" says the mistress; "why the devil would
-you not keep some of the best rooms for the quality, when you know
-scarce a day passes without some calling here?----If they be
-gentlemen, I am certain, when they know it is for her ladyship, they
-will get up again."
-
-"Not upon my account," says the lady; "I will have no person disturbed
-for me. If you have a room that is commonly decent, it will serve me
-very well, though it be never so plain. I beg, madam, you will not
-give yourself so much trouble on my account." "O, madam!" cries the
-other, "I have several very good rooms for that matter, but none good
-enough for your honour's ladyship. However, as you are so
-condescending to take up with the best I have, do, Susan, get a fire
-in the Rose this minute. Will your ladyship be pleased to go up now,
-or stay till the fire is lighted?" "I think I have sufficiently warmed
-myself," answered the lady; "so, if you please, I will go now; I am
-afraid I have kept people, and particularly that gentleman (meaning
-Partridge), too long in the cold already. Indeed, I cannot bear to
-think of keeping any person from the fire this dreadful weather."--She
-then departed with her maid, the landlady marching with two lighted
-candles before her.
-
-When that good woman returned, the conversation in the kitchen was all
-upon the charms of the young lady. There is indeed in perfect beauty a
-power which none almost can withstand; for my landlady, though she was
-not pleased at the negative given to the supper, declared she had
-never seen so lovely a creature. Partridge ran out into the most
-extravagant encomiums on her face, though he could not refrain from
-paying some compliments to the gold lace on her habit; the post-boy
-sung forth the praises of her goodness, which were likewise echoed by
-the other post-boy, who was now come in. "She's a true good lady, I
-warrant her," says he; "for she hath mercy upon dumb creatures; for
-she asked me every now and tan upon the journey, if I did not think
-she should hurt the horses by riding too fast? and when she came in
-she charged me to give them as much corn as ever they would eat."
-
-Such charms are there in affability, and so sure is it to attract the
-praises of all kinds of people. It may indeed be compared to the
-celebrated Mrs Hussey.[*] It is equally sure to set off every female
-perfection to the highest advantage, and to palliate and conceal every
-defect. A short reflection, which we could not forbear making in this
-place, where my reader hath seen the loveliness of an affable
-deportment; and truth will now oblige us to contrast it, by showing
-the reverse.
-
-  [*] A celebrated mantua-maker in the Strand, famous for setting off
-  the shapes of women.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing infallible nostrums for procuring universal disesteem and
-hatred.
-
-
-The lady had no sooner laid herself on her pillow than the
-waiting-woman returned to the kitchen to regale with some of those
-dainties which her mistress had refused.
-
-The company, at her entrance, shewed her the same respect which they
-had before paid to her mistress, by rising; but she forgot to imitate
-her, by desiring them to sit down again. Indeed, it was scarce
-possible they should have done so, for she placed her chair in such a
-posture as to occupy almost the whole fire. She then ordered a chicken
-to be broiled that instant, declaring, if it was not ready in a
-quarter of an hour, she would not stay for it. Now, though the said
-chicken was then at roost in the stable, and required the several
-ceremonies of catching, killing, and picking, before it was brought to
-the gridiron, my landlady would nevertheless have undertaken to do all
-within the time; but the guest, being unfortunately admitted behind
-the scenes, must have been witness to the _fourberie_; the poor woman
-was therefore obliged to confess that she had none in the house; "but,
-madam," said she, "I can get any kind of mutton in an instant from the
-butcher's."
-
-"Do you think, then," answered the waiting-gentlewoman, "that I have
-the stomach of a horse, to eat mutton at this time of night? Sure you
-people that keep inns imagine your betters are like yourselves.
-Indeed, I expected to get nothing at this wretched place. I wonder my
-lady would stop at it. I suppose none but tradesmen and grasiers ever
-call here." The landlady fired at this indignity offered to her house;
-however, she suppressed her temper, and contented herself with saying,
-"Very good quality frequented it, she thanked heaven!" "Don't tell
-me," cries the other, "of quality! I believe I know more of people of
-quality than such as you.--But, prithee, without troubling me with any
-of your impertinence, do tell me what I can have for supper; for,
-though I cannot eat horse-flesh, I am really hungry." "Why, truly,
-madam," answered the landlady, "you could not take me again at such a
-disadvantage; for I must confess I have nothing in the house, unless a
-cold piece of beef, which indeed a gentleman's footman and the
-post-boy have almost cleared to the bone." "Woman," said Mrs Abigail
-(so for shortness we will call her), "I entreat you not to make me
-sick. If I had fasted a month, I could not eat what had been touched
-by the fingers of such fellows. Is there nothing neat or decent to be
-had in this horrid place?" "What think you of some eggs and bacon,
-madam?" said the landlady. "Are your eggs new laid? are you certain
-they were laid to-day? and let me have the bacon cut very nice and
-thin; for I can't endure anything that's gross.--Prithee try if you
-can do a little tolerably for once, and don't think you have a
-farmer's wife, or some of those creatures, in the house."--The
-landlady began then to handle her knife; but the other stopt her,
-saying, "Good woman, I must insist upon your first washing your hands;
-for I am extremely nice, and have been always used from my cradle to
-have everything in the most elegant manner."
-
-The landlady, who governed herself with much difficulty, began now the
-necessary preparations; for as to Susan, she was utterly rejected, and
-with such disdain, that the poor wench was as hard put to it to
-restrain her hands from violence as her mistress had been to hold her
-tongue. This indeed Susan did not entirely; for, though she literally
-kept it within her teeth, yet there it muttered many "marry-come-ups,
-as good flesh and blood as yourself;" with other such indignant
-phrases.
-
-While the supper was preparing, Mrs Abigail began to lament she had
-not ordered a fire in the parlour; but, she said, that was now too
-late. "However," said she, "I have novelty to recommend a kitchen; for
-I do not believe I ever eat in one before." Then, turning to the
-post-boys, she asked them, "Why they were not in the stable with their
-horses? If I must eat my hard fare here, madam," cries she to the
-landlady, "I beg the kitchen may be kept clear, that I may not be
-surrounded with all the blackguards in town: as for you, sir," says
-she to Partridge, "you look somewhat like a gentleman, and may sit
-still if you please; I don't desire to disturb anybody but mob."
-
-"Yes, yes, madam," cries Partridge, "I am a gentleman, I do assure
-you, and I am not so easily to be disturbed. _Non semper vox casualis
-est verbo nominativus_." This Latin she took to be some affront, and
-answered, "You may be a gentleman, sir; but you don't show yourself as
-one to talk Latin to a woman." Partridge made a gentle reply, and
-concluded with more Latin; upon which she tossed up her nose, and
-contented herself by abusing him with the name of a great scholar.
-
-The supper being now on the table, Mrs Abigail eat very heartily for
-so delicate a person; and, while a second course of the same was by
-her order preparing, she said, "And so, madam, you tell me your house
-is frequented by people of great quality?"
-
-The landlady answered in the affirmative, saying, "There were a great
-many very good quality and gentlefolks in it now. There's young Squire
-Allworthy, as that gentleman there knows."
-
-"And pray who is this young gentleman of quality, this young Squire
-Allworthy?" said Abigail.
-
-"Who should he be," answered Partridge, "but the son and heir of the
-great Squire Allworthy, of Somersetshire!"
-
-"Upon my word," said she, "you tell me strange news; for I know Mr
-Allworthy of Somersetshire very well, and I know he hath no son
-alive."
-
-The landlady pricked up her ears at this, and Partridge looked a
-little confounded. However, after a short hesitation, he answered,
-"Indeed, madam, it is true, everybody doth not know him to be Squire
-Allworthy's son; for he was never married to his mother; but his son
-he certainly is, and will be his heir too, as certainly as his name is
-Jones." At that word, Abigail let drop the bacon which she was
-conveying to her mouth, and cried out, "You surprize me, sir! Is it
-possible Mr Jones should be now in the house?" "_Quare non?_" answered
-Partridge, "it is possible, and it is certain."
-
-Abigail now made haste to finish the remainder of her meal, and then
-repaired back to her mistress, when the conversation passed which may
-be read in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Showing who the amiable lady, and her unamiable maid, were.
-
-
-As in the month of June, the damask rose, which chance hath planted
-among the lilies, with their candid hue mixes his vermilion; or as
-some playsome heifer in the pleasant month of May diffuses her
-odoriferous breath over the flowery meadows; or as, in the blooming
-month of April, the gentle, constant dove, perched on some fair bough,
-sits meditating on her mate; so, looking a hundred charms and
-breathing as many sweets, her thoughts being fixed on her Tommy, with
-a heart as good and innocent as her face was beautiful, Sophia (for it
-was she herself) lay reclining her lovely head on her hand, when her
-maid entered the room, and, running directly to the bed, cried,
-"Madam--madam--who doth your ladyship think is in the house?" Sophia,
-starting up, cried, "I hope my father hath not overtaken us." "No,
-madam, it is one worth a hundred fathers; Mr Jones himself is here at
-this very instant." "Mr Jones!" says Sophia, "it is impossible! I
-cannot be so fortunate." Her maid averred the fact, and was presently
-detached by her mistress to order him to be called; for she said she
-was resolved to see him immediately.
-
-Mrs Honour had no sooner left the kitchen in the manner we have before
-seen than the landlady fell severely upon her. The poor woman had
-indeed been loading her heart with foul language for some time, and
-now it scoured out of her mouth, as filth doth from a mud-cart, when
-the board which confines it is removed. Partridge likewise shovelled
-in his share of calumny, and (what may surprize the reader) not only
-bespattered the maid, but attempted to sully the lily-white character
-of Sophia herself. "Never a barrel the better herring," cries he,
-"_Noscitur a socio_, is a true saying. It must be confessed, indeed,
-that the lady in the fine garments is the civiller of the two; but I
-warrant neither of them are a bit better than they should be. A couple
-of Bath trulls, I'll answer for them; your quality don't ride about at
-this time o' night without servants." "Sbodlikins, and that's true,"
-cries the landlady, "you have certainly hit upon the very matter; for
-quality don't come into a house without bespeaking a supper, whether
-they eat or no."
-
-While they were thus discoursing, Mrs Honour returned and discharged
-her commission, by bidding the landlady immediately wake Mr Jones, and
-tell him a lady wanted to speak with him. The landlady referred her to
-Partridge, saying, "he was the squire's friend: but, for her part, she
-never called men-folks, especially gentlemen," and then walked
-sullenly out of the kitchen. Honour applied herself to Partridge; but
-he refused, "for my friend," cries he, "went to bed very late, and he
-would be very angry to be disturbed so soon." Mrs Honour insisted
-still to have him called, saying, "she was sure, instead of being
-angry, that he would be to the highest degree delighted when he knew
-the occasion." "Another time, perhaps, he might," cries Partridge;
-"but _non omnia possumus omnes_. One woman is enough at once for a
-reasonable man." "What do you mean by one woman, fellow?" cries
-Honour. "None of your fellow," answered Partridge. He then proceeded
-to inform her plainly that Jones was in bed with a wench, and made use
-of an expression too indelicate to be here inserted; which so enraged
-Mrs Honour, that she called him jackanapes, and returned in a violent
-hurry to her mistress, whom she acquainted with the success of her
-errand, and with the account she had received; which, if possible, she
-exaggerated, being as angry with Jones as if he had pronounced all the
-words that came from the mouth of Partridge. She discharged a torrent
-of abuse on the master, and advised her mistress to quit all thoughts
-of a man who had never shown himself deserving of her. She then ripped
-up the story of Molly Seagrim, and gave the most malicious turn to his
-formerly quitting Sophia herself; which, I must confess, the present
-incident not a little countenanced.
-
-The spirits of Sophia were too much dissipated by concern to enable
-her to stop the torrent of her maid. At last, however, she interrupted
-her, saying, "I never can believe this; some villain hath belied him.
-You say you had it from his friend; but surely it is not the office of
-a friend to betray such secrets." "I suppose," cries Honour, "the
-fellow is his pimp; for I never saw so ill-looked a villain. Besides,
-such profligate rakes as Mr Jones are never ashamed of these matters."
-
-To say the truth, this behaviour of Partridge was a little
-inexcusable; but he had not slept off the effect of the dose which he
-swallowed the evening before; which had, in the morning, received the
-addition of above a pint of wine, or indeed rather of malt spirits;
-for the perry was by no means pure. Now, that part of his head which
-Nature designed for the reservoir of drink being very shallow, a small
-quantity of liquor overflowed it, and opened the sluices of his heart;
-so that all the secrets there deposited run out. These sluices were
-indeed, naturally, very ill-secured. To give the best-natured turn we
-can to his disposition, he was a very honest man; for, as he was the
-most inquisitive of mortals, and eternally prying into the secrets of
-others, so he very faithfully paid them by communicating, in return,
-everything within his knowledge.
-
-While Sophia, tormented with anxiety, knew not what to believe, nor
-what resolution to take, Susan arrived with the sack-whey. Mrs Honour
-immediately advised her mistress, in a whisper, to pump this wench,
-who probably could inform her of the truth. Sophia approved it, and
-began as follows: "Come hither, child; now answer me truly what I am
-going to ask you, and I promise you I will very well reward you. Is
-there a young gentleman in this house, a handsome young gentleman,
-that----." Here Sophia blushed and was confounded. "A young
-gentleman," cries Honour, "that came hither in company with that saucy
-rascal who is now in the kitchen?" Susan answered, "There was."--"Do
-you know anything of any lady?" continues Sophia, "any lady? I don't
-ask you whether she is handsome or no; perhaps she is not; that's
-nothing to the purpose; but do you know of any lady?" "La, madam,"
-cries Honour, "you will make a very bad examiner. Hark'ee, child,"
-says she, "is not that very young gentleman now in bed with some nasty
-trull or other?" Here Susan smiled, and was silent. "Answer the
-question, child," says Sophia, "and here's a guinea for you."--"A
-guinea! madam," cries Susan; "la, what's a guinea? If my mistress
-should know it I shall certainly lose my place that very instant."
-"Here's another for you," says Sophia, "and I promise you faithfully
-your mistress shall never know it." Susan, after a very short
-hesitation, took the money, and told the whole story, concluding with
-saying, "If you have any great curiosity, madam, I can steal softly
-into his room, and see whether he be in his own bed or no." She
-accordingly did this by Sophia's desire, and returned with an answer
-in the negative.
-
-Sophia now trembled and turned pale. Mrs Honour begged her to be
-comforted, and not to think any more of so worthless a fellow. "Why
-there," says Susan, "I hope, madam, your ladyship won't be offended;
-but pray, madam, is not your ladyship's name Madam Sophia Western?"
-"How is it possible you should know me?" answered Sophia. "Why that
-man, that the gentlewoman spoke of, who is in the kitchen, told about
-you last night. But I hope your ladyship is not angry with me."
-"Indeed, child," said she, "I am not; pray tell me all, and I promise
-you I'll reward you." "Why, madam," continued Susan, "that man told us
-all in the kitchen that Madam Sophia Western--indeed I don't know how
-to bring it out."--Here she stopt, till, having received encouragement
-from Sophia, and being vehemently pressed by Mrs Honour, she proceeded
-thus:--"He told us, madam, though to be sure it is all a lie, that
-your ladyship was dying for love of the young squire, and that he was
-going to the wars to get rid of you. I thought to myself then he was a
-false-hearted wretch; but, now, to see such a fine, rich, beautiful
-lady as you be, forsaken for such an ordinary woman; for to be sure so
-she is, and another man's wife into the bargain. It is such a strange
-unnatural thing, in a manner."
-
-Sophia gave her a third guinea, and, telling her she would certainly
-be her friend if she mentioned nothing of what had passed, nor
-informed any one who she was, dismissed the girl, with orders to the
-post-boy to get the horses ready immediately.
-
-Being now left alone with her maid, she told her trusty waiting-woman,
-"That she never was more easy than at present. I am now convinced,"
-said she, "he is not only a villain, but a low despicable wretch. I
-can forgive all rather than his exposing my name in so barbarous a
-manner. That renders him the object of my contempt. Yes, Honour, I am
-now easy; I am indeed; I am very easy;" and then she burst into a
-violent flood of tears.
-
-After a short interval spent by Sophia, chiefly in crying, and
-assuring her maid that she was perfectly easy, Susan arrived with an
-account that the horses were ready, when a very extraordinary thought
-suggested itself to our young heroine, by which Mr Jones would be
-acquainted with her having been at the inn, in a way which, if any
-sparks of affection for her remained in him, would be at least some
-punishment for his faults.
-
-The reader will be pleased to remember a little muff, which hath had
-the honour of being more than once remembered already in this history.
-This muff, ever since the departure of Mr Jones, had been the constant
-companion of Sophia by day, and her bedfellow by night; and this muff
-she had at this very instant upon her arm; whence she took it off with
-great indignation, and, having writ her name with her pencil upon a
-piece of paper which she pinned to it, she bribed the maid to convey
-it into the empty bed of Mr Jones, in which, if he did not find it,
-she charged her to take some method of conveying it before his eyes in
-the morning.
-
-Then, having paid for what Mrs Honour had eaten, in which bill was
-included an account for what she herself might have eaten, she mounted
-her horse, and, once more assuring her companion that she was
-perfectly easy, continued her journey.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of Partridge, the
-madness of Jones, and the folly of Fitzpatrick.
-
-
-It was now past five in the morning, and other company began to rise
-and come to the kitchen, among whom were the serjeant and the
-coachman, who, being thoroughly reconciled, made a libation, or, in
-the English phrase, drank a hearty cup together.
-
-In this drinking nothing more remarkable happened than the behaviour
-of Partridge, who, when the serjeant drank a health to King George,
-repeated only the word King; nor could he be brought to utter more;
-for though he was going to fight against his own cause, yet he could
-not be prevailed upon to drink against it.
-
-Mr Jones, being now returned to his own bed (but from whence he
-returned we must beg to be excused from relating), summoned Partridge
-from this agreeable company, who, after a ceremonious preface, having
-obtained leave to offer his advice, delivered himself as follows:--
-
-"It is, sir, an old saying, and a true one, that a wise man may
-sometimes learn counsel from a fool; I wish, therefore, I might be so
-bold as to offer you my advice, which is to return home again, and
-leave these _horrida bella_, these bloody wars, to fellows who are
-contented to swallow gunpowder, because they have nothing else to eat.
-Now, everybody knows your honour wants for nothing at home; when
-that's the case, why should any man travel abroad?"
-
-"Partridge," cries Jones, "thou art certainly a coward; I wish,
-therefore, thou wouldst return home thyself, and trouble me no more."
-
-"I ask your honour's pardon," cries Partridge; "I spoke on your
-account more than my own; for as to me, Heaven knows my circumstances
-are bad enough, and I am so far from being afraid, that I value a
-pistol, or a blunderbuss, or any such thing, no more than a pop-gun.
-Every man must die once, and what signifies the manner how? besides,
-perhaps I may come off with the loss only of an arm or a leg. I assure
-you, sir, I was never less afraid in my life; and so, if your honour
-is resolved to go on, I am resolved to follow you. But, in that case,
-I wish I might give my opinion. To be sure, it is a scandalous way of
-travelling, for a great gentleman like you to walk afoot. Now here are
-two or three good horses in the stable, which the landlord will
-certainly make no scruple of trusting you with; but, if he should, I
-can easily contrive to take them; and, let the worst come to the
-worst, the king would certainly pardon you, as you are going to fight
-in his cause."
-
-Now, as the honesty of Partridge was equal to his understanding, and
-both dealt only in small matters, he would never have attempted a
-roguery of this kind, had he not imagined it altogether safe; for he
-was one of those who have more consideration of the gallows than of
-the fitness of things; but, in reality, he thought he might have
-committed this felony without any danger; for, besides that he doubted
-not but the name of Mr Allworthy would sufficiently quiet the
-landlord, he conceived they should be altogether safe, whatever turn
-affairs might take; as Jones, he imagined, would have friends enough
-on one side, and as his friends would as well secure him on the other.
-
-When Mr Jones found that Partridge was in earnest in this proposal, he
-very severely rebuked him, and that in such bitter terms, that the
-other attempted to laugh it off, and presently turned the discourse to
-other matters; saying, he believed they were then in a bawdy house,
-and that he had with much ado prevented two wenches from disturbing
-his honour in the middle of the night. "Heyday!" says he, "I believe
-they got into your chamber whether I would or no; for here lies the
-muff of one of them on the ground." Indeed, as Jones returned to his
-bed in the dark, he had never perceived the muff on the quilt, and, in
-leaping into his bed, he had tumbled it on the floor. This Partridge
-now took up, and was going to put into his pocket, when Jones desired
-to see it. The muff was so very remarkable, that our heroe might
-possibly have recollected it without the information annexed. But his
-memory was not put to that hard office; for at the same instant he saw
-and read the words Sophia Western upon the paper which was pinned to
-it. His looks now grew frantic in a moment, and he eagerly cried out,
-"Oh Heavens! how came this muff here?" "I know no more than your
-honour," cried Partridge; "but I saw it upon the arm of one of the
-women who would have disturbed you, if I would have suffered them."
-"Where are they?" cries Jones, jumping out of bed, and laying hold of
-his cloaths. "Many miles off, I believe, by this time," said
-Partridge. And now Jones, upon further enquiry, was sufficiently
-assured that the bearer of this muff was no other than the lovely
-Sophia herself.
-
-The behaviour of Jones on this occasion, his thoughts, his looks, his
-words, his actions, were such as beggar all description. After many
-bitter execrations on Partridge, and not fewer on himself, he ordered
-the poor fellow, who was frightened out of his wits, to run down and
-hire him horses at any rate; and a very few minutes afterwards, having
-shuffled on his clothes, he hastened down-stairs to execute the orders
-himself, which he had just before given.
-
-But before we proceed to what passed on his arrival in the kitchen, it
-will be necessary to recur to what had there happened since Partridge
-had first left it on his master's summons.
-
-The serjeant was just marched off with his party, when the two Irish
-gentlemen arose, and came downstairs; both complaining that they had
-been so often waked by the noises in the inn, that they had never once
-been able to close their eyes all night.
-
-The coach which had brought the young lady and her maid, and which,
-perhaps, the reader may have hitherto concluded was her own, was,
-indeed, a returned coach belonging to Mr King, of Bath, one of the
-worthiest and honestest men that ever dealt in horse-flesh, and whose
-coaches we heartily recommend to all our readers who travel that road.
-By which means they may, perhaps, have the pleasure of riding in the
-very coach, and being driven by the very coachman, that is recorded in
-this history.
-
-The coachman, having but two passengers, and hearing Mr Maclachlan was
-going to Bath, offered to carry him thither at a very moderate price.
-He was induced to this by the report of the hostler, who said that the
-horse which Mr Maclachlan had hired from Worcester would be much more
-pleased with returning to his friends there than to prosecute a long
-journey; for that the said horse was rather a two-legged than a
-four-legged animal.
-
-Mr Maclachlan immediately closed with the proposal of the coachman,
-and, at the same time, persuaded his friend Fitzpatrick to accept of
-the fourth place in the coach. This conveyance the soreness of his
-bones made more agreeable to him than a horse; and, being well assured
-of meeting with his wife at Bath, he thought a little delay would be
-of no consequence.
-
-Maclachlan, who was much the sharper man of the two, no sooner heard
-that this lady came from Chester, with the other circumstances which
-he learned from the hostler, than it came into his head that she might
-possibly be his friend's wife; and presently acquainted him with this
-suspicion, which had never once occurred to Fitzpatrick himself. To
-say the truth, he was one of those compositions which nature makes up
-in too great a hurry, and forgets to put any brains into their head.
-
-Now it happens to this sort of men, as to bad hounds, who never hit
-off a fault themselves; but no sooner doth a dog of sagacity open his
-mouth than they immediately do the same, and, without the guidance of
-any scent, run directly forwards as fast as they are able. In the same
-manner, the very moment Mr Maclachlan had mentioned his apprehension,
-Mr Fitzpatrick instantly concurred, and flew directly up-stairs, to
-surprize his wife, before he knew where she was; and unluckily (as
-Fortune loves to play tricks with those gentlemen who put themselves
-entirely under her conduct) ran his head against several doors and
-posts to no purpose. Much kinder was she to me, when she suggested
-that simile of the hounds, just before inserted; since the poor wife
-may, on these occasions, be so justly compared to a hunted hare. Like
-that little wretched animal, she pricks up her ears to listen after
-the voice of her pursuer; like her, flies away trembling when she
-hears it; and, like her, is generally overtaken and destroyed in the
-end.
-
-This was not however the case at present; for after a long fruitless
-search, Mr Fitzpatrick returned to the kitchen, where, as if this had
-been a real chace, entered a gentleman hallowing as hunters do when
-the hounds are at a fault. He was just alighted from his horse, and
-had many attendants at his heels.
-
-Here, reader, it may be necessary to acquaint thee with some matters,
-which, if thou dost know already, thou art wiser than I take thee to
-be. And this information thou shalt receive in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which are concluded the adventures that happened at the inn at
-Upton.
-
-
-In the first place, then, this gentleman just arrived was no other
-person than Squire Western himself, who was come hither in pursuit of
-his daughter; and, had he fortunately been two hours earlier, he had
-not only found her, but his niece into the bargain; for such was the
-wife of Mr Fitzpatrick, who had run away with her five years before,
-out of the custody of that sage lady, Madam Western.
-
-Now this lady had departed from the inn much about the same time with
-Sophia; for, having been waked by the voice of her husband, she had
-sent up for the landlady, and being by her apprized of the matter, had
-bribed the good woman, at an extravagant price, to furnish her with
-horses for her escape. Such prevalence had money in this family; and
-though the mistress would have turned away her maid for a corrupt
-hussy, if she had known as much as the reader, yet she was no more
-proof against corruption herself than poor Susan had been.
-
-Mr Western and his nephew were not known to one another; nor indeed
-would the former have taken any notice of the latter if he had known
-him; for, this being a stolen match, and consequently an unnatural one
-in the opinion of the good squire, he had, from the time of her
-committing it, abandoned the poor young creature, who was then no more
-than eighteen, as a monster, and had never since suffered her to be
-named in his presence.
-
-The kitchen was now a scene of universal confusion, Western enquiring
-after his daughter, and Fitzpatrick as eagerly after his wife, when
-Jones entered the room, unfortunately having Sophia's muff in his
-hand.
-
-As soon as Western saw Jones, he set up the same holla as is used by
-sportsmen when their game is in view. He then immediately run up and
-laid hold of Jones, crying, "We have got the dog fox, I warrant the
-bitch is not far off." The jargon which followed for some minutes,
-where many spoke different things at the same time, as it would be
-very difficult to describe, so would it be no less unpleasant to read.
-
-Jones having, at length, shaken Mr Western off, and some of the
-company having interfered between them, our heroe protested his
-innocence as to knowing anything of the lady; when Parson Supple
-stepped up, and said, "It is folly to deny it; for why, the marks of
-guilt are in thy hands. I will myself asseverate and bind it by an
-oath, that the muff thou bearest in thy hand belongeth unto Madam
-Sophia; for I have frequently observed her, of later days, to bear it
-about her." "My daughter's muff!" cries the squire in a rage. "Hath he
-got my daughter's muff? bear witness the goods are found upon him.
-I'll have him before a justice of peace this instant. Where is my
-daughter, villain?" "Sir," said Jones, "I beg you would be pacified.
-The muff, I acknowledge, is the young lady's; but, upon my honour, I
-have never seen her." At these words Western lost all patience, and
-grew inarticulate with rage.
-
-Some of the servants had acquainted Fitzpatrick who Mr Western was.
-The good Irishman, therefore, thinking he had now an opportunity to do
-an act of service to his uncle, and by that means might possibly
-obtain his favour, stept up to Jones, and cried out, "Upon my
-conscience, sir, you may be ashamed of denying your having seen the
-gentleman's daughter before my face, when you know I found you there
-upon the bed together." Then, turning to Western, he offered to
-conduct him immediately to the room where his daughter was; which
-offer being accepted, he, the squire, the parson, and some others,
-ascended directly to Mrs Waters's chamber, which they entered with no
-less violence than Mr Fitzpatrick had done before.
-
-The poor lady started from her sleep with as much amazement as terror,
-and beheld at her bedside a figure which might very well be supposed
-to have escaped out of Bedlam. Such wildness and confusion were in the
-looks of Mr Western; who no sooner saw the lady than he started back,
-shewing sufficiently by his manner, before he spoke, that this was not
-the person sought after.
-
-So much more tenderly do women value their reputation than their
-persons, that, though the latter seemed now in more danger than
-before, yet, as the former was secure, the lady screamed not with such
-violence as she had done on the other occasion. However, she no sooner
-found herself alone than she abandoned all thoughts of further repose;
-and, as she had sufficient reason to be dissatisfied with her present
-lodging, she dressed herself with all possible expedition.
-
-Mr Western now proceeded to search the whole house, but to as little
-purpose as he had disturbed poor Mrs Waters. He then returned
-disconsolate into the kitchen, where he found Jones in the custody of
-his servants.
-
-This violent uproar had raised all the people in the house, though it
-was yet scarcely daylight. Among these was a grave gentleman, who had
-the honour to be in the commission of the peace for the county of
-Worcester. Of which Mr Western was no sooner informed than he offered
-to lay his complaint before him. The justice declined executing his
-office, as he said he had no clerk present, nor no book about justice
-business; and that he could not carry all the law in his head about
-stealing away daughters, and such sort of things.
-
-Here Mr Fitzpatrick offered to lend him his assistance, informing the
-company that he had been himself bred to the law. (And indeed he had
-served three years as clerk to an attorney in the north of Ireland,
-when, chusing a genteeler walk in life, he quitted his master, came
-over to England, and set up that business which requires no
-apprenticeship, namely, that of a gentleman, in which he had
-succeeded, as hath been already partly mentioned.)
-
-Mr Fitzpatrick declared that the law concerning daughters was out of
-the present case; that stealing a muff was undoubtedly felony, and the
-goods being found upon the person, were sufficient evidence of the
-fact.
-
-The magistrate, upon the encouragement of so learned a coadjutor, and
-upon the violent intercession of the squire, was at length prevailed
-upon to seat himself in the chair of justice, where being placed, upon
-viewing the muff which Jones still held in his hand, and upon the
-parson's swearing it to be the property of Mr Western, he desired Mr
-Fitzpatrick to draw up a commitment, which he said he would sign.
-
-Jones now desired to be heard, which was at last, with difficulty,
-granted him. He then produced the evidence of Mr Partridge, as to the
-finding it; but, what was still more, Susan deposed that Sophia
-herself had delivered the muff to her, and had ordered her to convey
-it into the chamber where Mr Jones had found it.
-
-Whether a natural love of justice, or the extraordinary comeliness of
-Jones, had wrought on Susan to make the discovery, I will not
-determine; but such were the effects of her evidence, that the
-magistrate, throwing himself back in his chair, declared that the
-matter was now altogether as clear on the side of the prisoner as it
-had before been against him: with which the parson concurred, saying,
-the Lord forbid he should be instrumental in committing an innocent
-person to durance. The justice then arose, acquitted the prisoner, and
-broke up the court.
-
-Mr Western now gave every one present a hearty curse, and, immediately
-ordering his horses, departed in pursuit of his daughter, without
-taking the least notice of his nephew Fitzpatrick, or returning any
-answer to his claim of kindred, notwithstanding all the obligations he
-had just received from that gentleman. In the violence, moreover, of
-his hurry, and of his passion, he luckily forgot to demand the muff of
-Jones: I say luckily; for he would have died on the spot rather than
-have parted with it.
-
-Jones likewise, with his friend Partridge, set forward the moment he
-had paid his reckoning, in quest of his lovely Sophia, whom he now
-resolved never more to abandon the pursuit of. Nor could he bring
-himself even to take leave of Mrs Waters; of whom he detested the very
-thoughts, as she had been, though not designedly, the occasion of his
-missing the happiest interview with Sophia, to whom he now vowed
-eternal constancy.
-
-As for Mrs Waters, she took the opportunity of the coach which was
-going to Bath; for which place she set out in company with the two
-Irish gentlemen, the landlady kindly lending her her cloaths; in
-return for which she was contented only to receive about double their
-value, as a recompence for the loan. Upon the road she was perfectly
-reconciled to Mr Fitzpatrick, who was a very handsome fellow, and
-indeed did all she could to console him in the absence of his wife.
-
-Thus ended the many odd adventures which Mr Jones encountered at his
-inn at Upton, where they talk, to this day, of the beauty and lovely
-behaviour of the charming Sophia, by the name of the Somersetshire
-angel.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-In which the history goes backward.
-
-
-Before we proceed any farther in our history, it may be proper to look
-a little back, in order to account for the extraordinary appearance of
-Sophia and her father at the inn at Upton.
-
-The reader may be pleased to remember that, in the ninth chapter of
-the seventh book of our history, we left Sophia, after a long debate
-between love and duty, deciding the cause, as it usually, I believe,
-happens, in favour of the former.
-
-This debate had arisen, as we have there shown, from a visit which her
-father had just before made her, in order to force her consent to a
-marriage with Blifil; and which he had understood to be fully implied
-in her acknowledgment "that she neither must nor could refuse any
-absolute command of his."
-
-Now from this visit the squire retired to his evening potation,
-overjoyed at the success he had gained with his daughter; and, as he
-was of a social disposition, and willing to have partakers in his
-happiness, the beer was ordered to flow very liberally into the
-kitchen; so that before eleven in the evening there was not a single
-person sober in the house except only Mrs Western herself and the
-charming Sophia.
-
-Early in the morning a messenger was despatched to summon Mr Blifil;
-for, though the squire imagined that young gentleman had been much
-less acquainted than he really was with the former aversion of his
-daughter, as he had not, however, yet received her consent, he longed
-impatiently to communicate it to him, not doubting but that the
-intended bride herself would confirm it with her lips. As to the
-wedding, it had the evening before been fixed, by the male parties, to
-be celebrated on the next morning save one.
-
-Breakfast was now set forth in the parlour, where Mr Blifil attended,
-and where the squire and his sister likewise were assembled; and now
-Sophia was ordered to be called.
-
-O, Shakespear! had I thy pen! O, Hogarth! had I thy pencil! then would
-I draw the picture of the poor serving-man, who, with pale
-countenance, staring eyes, chattering teeth, faultering tongue, and
-trembling limbs,
-
-     (E'en such a man, so faint, so spiritless,
-     So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,
-     Drew Priam's curtains in the dead of night,
-     And would have told him, half his Troy was burn'd)
-
-entered the room, and declared--That Madam Sophia was not to be found.
-
-"Not to be found!" cries the squire, starting from his chair; "Zounds
-and d--nation! Blood and fury! Where, when, how, what--Not to be
-found! Where?"
-
-"La! brother," said Mrs Western, with true political coldness, "you
-are always throwing yourself into such violent passions for nothing.
-My niece, I suppose, is only walked out into the garden. I protest you
-are grown so unreasonable, that it is impossible to live in the house
-with you."
-
-"Nay, nay," answered the squire, returning as suddenly to himself, as
-he had gone from himself; "if that be all the matter, it signifies not
-much; but, upon my soul, my mind misgave me when the fellow said she
-was not to be found." He then gave orders for the bell to be rung in
-the garden, and sat himself contentedly down.
-
-No two things could be more the reverse of each other than were the
-brother and sister in most instances; particularly in this, That as
-the brother never foresaw anything at a distance, but was most
-sagacious in immediately seeing everything the moment it had happened;
-so the sister eternally foresaw at a distance, but was not so
-quick-sighted to objects before her eyes. Of both these the reader may
-have observed examples: and, indeed, both their several talents were
-excessive; for, as the sister often foresaw what never came to pass,
-so the brother often saw much more than was actually the truth.
-
-This was not however the case at present. The same report was brought
-from the garden as before had been brought from the chamber, that
-Madam Sophia was not to be found.
-
-The squire himself now sallied forth, and began to roar forth the name
-of Sophia as loudly, and in as hoarse a voice, as whilome did Hercules
-that of Hylas; and, as the poet tells us that the whole shore echoed
-back the name of that beautiful youth, so did the house, the garden,
-and all the neighbouring fields resound nothing but the name of
-Sophia, in the hoarse voices of the men, and in the shrill pipes of
-the women; while echo seemed so pleased to repeat the beloved sound,
-that, if there is really such a person, I believe Ovid hath belied her
-sex.
-
-Nothing reigned for a long time but confusion; till at last the
-squire, having sufficiently spent his breath, returned to the parlour,
-where he found Mrs Western and Mr Blifil, and threw himself, with the
-utmost dejection in his countenance, into a great chair.
-
-Here Mrs Western began to apply the following consolation:
-
-"Brother, I am sorry for what hath happened; and that my niece should
-have behaved herself in a manner so unbecoming her family; but it is
-all your own doings, and you have nobody to thank but yourself. You
-know she hath been educated always in a manner directly contrary to my
-advice, and now you see the consequence. Have I not a thousand times
-argued with you about giving my niece her own will? But you know I
-never could prevail upon you; and when I had taken so much pains to
-eradicate her headstrong opinions, and to rectify your errors in
-policy, you know she was taken out of my hands; so that I have nothing
-to answer for. Had I been trusted entirely with the care of her
-education, no such accident as this had ever befallen you; so that you
-must comfort yourself by thinking it was all your own doing; and,
-indeed, what else could be expected from such indulgence?"
-
-"Zounds! sister," answered he, "you are enough to make one mad. Have I
-indulged her? Have I given her her will?----It was no longer ago than
-last night that I threatened, if she disobeyed me, to confine her to
-her chamber upon bread and water as long as she lived.----You would
-provoke the patience of Job."
-
-"Did ever mortal hear the like?" replied she. "Brother, if I had not
-the patience of fifty Jobs, you would make me forget all decency and
-decorum. Why would you interfere? Did I not beg you, did I not intreat
-you, to leave the whole conduct to me? You have defeated all the
-operations of the campaign by one false step. Would any man in his
-senses have provoked a daughter by such threats as these? How often
-have I told you that English women are not to be treated like
-Ciracessian[*] slaves. We have the protection of the world; we are to
-be won by gentle means only, and not to be hectored, and bullied, and
-beat into compliance. I thank Heaven no Salique law governs here.
-Brother, you have a roughness in your manner which no woman but myself
-would bear. I do not wonder my niece was frightened and terrified into
-taking this measure; and, to speak honestly, I think my niece will be
-justified to the world for what she hath done. I repeat it to you
-again, brother, you must comfort yourself by rememb'ring that it is
-all your own fault. How often have I advised--" Here Western rose
-hastily from his chair, and, venting two or three horrid imprecations,
-ran out of the room.
-
-  [*] Possibly Circassian.
-
-When he was departed, his sister expressed more bitterness (if
-possible) against him than she had done while he was present; for the
-truth of which she appealed to Mr Blifil, who, with great complacence,
-acquiesced entirely in all she said; but excused all the faults of Mr
-Western, "as they must be considered," he said, "to have proceeded
-from the too inordinate fondness of a father, which must be allowed
-the name of an amiable weakness." "So much the more inexcuseable,"
-answered the lady; "for whom doth he ruin by his fondness but his own
-child?" To which Blifil immediately agreed.
-
-Mrs Western then began to express great confusion on the account of Mr
-Blifil, and of the usage which he had received from a family to which
-he intended so much honour. On this subject she treated the folly of
-her niece with great severity; but concluded with throwing the whole
-on her brother, who, she said, was inexcuseable to have proceeded so
-far without better assurances of his daughter's consent: "But he was
-(says she) always of a violent, headstrong temper; and I can scarce
-forgive myself for all the advice I have thrown away upon him."
-
-After much of this kind of conversation, which, perhaps, would not
-greatly entertain the reader, was it here particularly related, Mr
-Blifil took his leave and returned home, not highly pleased with his
-disappointment: which, however, the philosophy which he had acquired
-from Square, and the religion infused into him by Thwackum, together
-with somewhat else, taught him to bear rather better than more
-passionate lovers bear these kinds of evils.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-The escape of Sophia.
-
-
-It is now time to look after Sophia; whom the reader, if he loves her
-half so well as I do, will rejoice to find escaped from the clutches
-of her passionate father, and from those of her dispassionate lover.
-
-Twelve times did the iron register of time beat on the sonorous
-bell-metal, summoning the ghosts to rise and walk their nightly
-round.----In plainer language, it was twelve o'clock, and all the
-family, as we have said, lay buried in drink and sleep, except only
-Mrs Western, who was deeply engaged in reading a political pamphlet,
-and except our heroine, who now softly stole down-stairs, and, having
-unbarred and unlocked one of the house-doors, sallied forth, and
-hastened to the place of appointment.
-
-Notwithstanding the many pretty arts which ladies sometimes practise,
-to display their fears on every little occasion (almost as many as the
-other sex uses to conceal theirs), certainly there is a degree of
-courage which not only becomes a woman, but is often necessary to
-enable her to discharge her duty. It is, indeed, the idea of
-fierceness, and not of bravery, which destroys the female character;
-for who can read the story of the justly celebrated Arria without
-conceiving as high an opinion of her gentleness and tenderness as of
-her fortitude? At the same time, perhaps, many a woman who shrieks at
-a mouse, or a rat, may be capable of poisoning a husband; or, what is
-worse, of driving him to poison himself.
-
-Sophia, with all the gentleness which a woman can have, had all the
-spirit which she ought to have. When, therefore, she came to the place
-of appointment, and, instead of meeting her maid, as was agreed, saw a
-man ride directly up to her, she neither screamed out nor fainted
-away: not that her pulse then beat with its usual regularity; for she
-was, at first, under some surprize and apprehension: but these were
-relieved almost as soon as raised, when the man, pulling off his hat,
-asked her, in a very submissive manner, "If her ladyship did not
-expect to meet another lady?" and then proceeded to inform her that he
-was sent to conduct her to that lady.
-
-Sophia could have no possible suspicion of any falsehood in this
-account: she therefore mounted resolutely behind the fellow, who
-conveyed her safe to a town about five miles distant, where she had
-the satisfaction of finding the good Mrs Honour: for, as the soul of
-the waiting-woman was wrapt up in those very habiliments which used to
-enwrap her body, she could by no means bring herself to trust them out
-of her sight. Upon these, therefore, she kept guard in person, while
-she detached the aforesaid fellow after her mistress, having given him
-all proper instructions.
-
-They now debated what course to take, in order to avoid the pursuit of
-Mr Western, who they knew would send after them in a few hours. The
-London road had such charms for Honour, that she was desirous of going
-on directly; alleging that, as Sophia could not be missed till eight
-or nine the next morning, her pursuers would not be able to overtake
-her, even though they knew which way she had gone. But Sophia had too
-much at stake to venture anything to chance; nor did she dare trust
-too much to her tender limbs, in a contest which was to be decided
-only by swiftness. She resolved, therefore, to travel across the
-country, for at least twenty or thirty miles, and then to take the
-direct road to London. So, having hired horses to go twenty miles one
-way, when she intended to go twenty miles the other, she set forward
-with the same guide behind whom she had ridden from her father's
-house; the guide having now taken up behind him, in the room of
-Sophia, a much heavier, as well as much less lovely burden; being,
-indeed, a huge portmanteau, well stuffed with those outside ornaments,
-by means of which the fair Honour hoped to gain many conquests, and,
-finally, to make her fortune in London city.
-
-When they had gone about two hundred paces from the inn on the London
-road, Sophia rode up to the guide, and, with a voice much fuller of
-honey than was ever that of Plato, though his mouth is supposed to
-have been a bee-hive, begged him to take the first turning which led
-towards Bristol.
-
-Reader, I am not superstitious, nor any great believer of modern
-miracles. I do not, therefore, deliver the following as a certain
-truth; for, indeed, I can scarce credit it myself: but the fidelity of
-an historian obliges me to relate what hath been confidently asserted.
-The horse, then, on which the guide rode, is reported to have been so
-charmed by Sophia's voice, that he made a full stop, and expressed an
-unwillingness to proceed any farther.
-
-Perhaps, however, the fact may be true, and less miraculous than it
-hath been represented; since the natural cause seems adequate to the
-effect: for, as the guide at that moment desisted from a constant
-application of his armed right heel (for, like Hudibras, he wore but
-one spur), it is more than possible that this omission alone might
-occasion the beast to stop, especially as this was very frequent with
-him at other times.
-
-But if the voice of Sophia had really an effect on the horse, it had
-very little on the rider. He answered somewhat surlily, "That measter
-had ordered him to go a different way, and that he should lose his
-place if he went any other than that he was ordered."
-
-Sophia, finding all her persuasions had no effect, began now to add
-irresistible charms to her voice; charms which, according to the
-proverb, makes the old mare trot, instead of standing still; charms!
-to which modern ages have attributed all that irresistible force which
-the antients imputed to perfect oratory. In a word, she promised she
-would reward him to his utmost expectation.
-
-The lad was not totally deaf to these promises; but he disliked their
-being indefinite; for, though perhaps he had never heard that word,
-yet that, in fact, was his objection. He said, "Gentlevolks did not
-consider the case of poor volks; that he had like to have been turned
-away the other day, for riding about the country with a gentleman from
-Squire Allworthy's, who did not reward him as he should have done."
-
-"With whom?" says Sophia eagerly. "With a gentleman from Squire
-Allworthy's," repeated the lad; "the squire's son, I think they call
-'un."--"Whither? which way did he go?" says Sophia.--"Why, a little o'
-one side o' Bristol, about twenty miles off," answered the
-lad.--"Guide me," says Sophia, "to the same place, and I'll give thee
-a guinea, or two, if one is not sufficient."--"To be certain," said
-the boy, "it is honestly worth two, when your ladyship considers what
-a risk I run; but, however, if your ladyship will promise me the two
-guineas, I'll e'en venture: to be certain it is a sinful thing to ride
-about my measter's horses; but one comfort is, I can only be turned
-away, and two guineas will partly make me amends."
-
-The bargain being thus struck, the lad turned aside into the Bristol
-road, and Sophia set forward in pursuit of Jones, highly contrary to
-the remonstrances of Mrs Honour, who had much more desire to see London
-than to see Mr Jones: for indeed she was not his friend with her
-mistress, as he had been guilty of some neglect in certain pecuniary
-civilities, which are by custom due to the waiting-gentlewoman in all
-love affairs, and more especially in those of a clandestine kind. This
-we impute rather to the carelessness of his temper than to any want of
-generosity; but perhaps she derived it from the latter motive. Certain
-it is that she hated him very bitterly on that account, and resolved to
-take every opportunity of injuring him with her mistress. It was
-therefore highly unlucky for her, that she had gone to the very same
-town and inn whence Jones had started, and still more unlucky was she
-in having stumbled on the same guide, and on this accidental discovery
-which Sophia had made.
-
-Our travellers arrived at Hambrook[*] at the break of day, where
-Honour was against her will charged to enquire the route which Mr
-Jones had taken. Of this, indeed, the guide himself could have
-informed them; but Sophia, I know not for what reason, never asked him
-the question.
-
- [*] This was the village where Jones met the Quaker.
-
-When Mrs Honour had made her report from the landlord, Sophia, with
-much difficulty, procured some indifferent horses, which brought her
-to the inn where Jones had been confined rather by the misfortune of
-meeting with a surgeon than by having met with a broken head.
-
-Here Honour, being again charged with a commission of enquiry, had no
-sooner applied herself to the landlady, and had described the person
-of Mr Jones, than that sagacious woman began, in the vulgar phrase, to
-smell a rat. When Sophia therefore entered the room, instead of
-answering the maid, the landlady, addressing herself to the mistress,
-began the following speech: "Good lack-a-day! why there now, who would
-have thought it? I protest the loveliest couple that ever eye beheld.
-I-fackins, madam, it is no wonder the squire run on so about your
-ladyship. He told me indeed you was the finest lady in the world, and
-to be sure so you be. Mercy on him, poor heart! I bepitied him, so I
-did, when he used to hug his pillow, and call it his dear Madam
-Sophia. I did all I could to dissuade him from going to the wars: I
-told him there were men enow that were good for nothing else but to be
-killed, that had not the love of such fine ladies." "Sure," says
-Sophia, "the good woman is distracted." "No, no," cries the landlady,
-"I am not distracted. What, doth your ladyship think I don't know
-then? I assure you he told me all." "What saucy fellow," cries Honour,
-"told you anything of my lady?" "No saucy fellow," answered the
-landlady, "but the young gentleman you enquired after, and a very
-pretty young gentleman he is, and he loves Madam Sophia Western to the
-bottom of his soul." "He love my lady! I'd have you to know, woman,
-she is meat for his master."--"Nay, Honour," said Sophia, interrupting
-her, "don't be angry with the good woman; she intends no harm." "No,
-marry, don't I," answered the landlady, emboldened by the soft accents
-of Sophia; and then launched into a long narrative too tedious to be
-here set down, in which some passages dropt that gave a little offence
-to Sophia, and much more to her waiting-woman, who hence took occasion
-to abuse poor Jones to her mistress the moment they were alone
-together, saying, "that he must be a very pitiful fellow, and could
-have no love for a lady, whose name he would thus prostitute in an
-ale-house."
-
-Sophia did not see his behaviour in so very disadvantageous a light,
-and was perhaps more pleased with the violent raptures of his love
-(which the landlady exaggerated as much as she had done every other
-circumstance) than she was offended with the rest; and indeed she
-imputed the whole to the extravagance, or rather ebullience, of his
-passion, and to the openness of his heart.
-
-This incident, however, being afterwards revived in her mind, and
-placed in the most odious colours by Honour, served to heighten and
-give credit to those unlucky occurrences at Upton, and assisted the
-waiting-woman in her endeavours to make her mistress depart from that
-inn without seeing Jones.
-
-The landlady finding Sophia intended to stay no longer than till her
-horses were ready, and that without either eating or drinking, soon
-withdrew; when Honour began to take her mistress to task (for indeed
-she used great freedom), and after a long harangue, in which she
-reminded her of her intention to go to London, and gave frequent hints
-of the impropriety of pursuing a young fellow, she at last concluded
-with this serious exhortation: "For heaven's sake, madam, consider
-what you are about, and whither you are going."
-
-This advice to a lady who had already rode near forty miles, and in no
-very agreeable season, may seem foolish enough. It may be supposed she
-had well considered and resolved this already; nay, Mrs Honour, by the
-hints she threw out, seemed to think so; and this I doubt not is the
-opinion of many readers, who have, I make no doubt, been long since
-well convinced of the purpose of our heroine, and have heartily
-condemned her for it as a wanton baggage.
-
-But in reality this was not the case. Sophia had been lately so
-distracted between hope and fear, her duty and love to her father, her
-hatred to Blifil, her compassion, and (why should we not confess the
-truth?) her love for Jones; which last the behaviour of her father, of
-her aunt, of every one else, and more particularly of Jones himself,
-had blown into a flame, that her mind was in that confused state which
-may be truly said to make us ignorant of what we do, or whither we go,
-or rather, indeed, indifferent as to the consequence of either.
-
-The prudent and sage advice of her maid produced, however, some cool
-reflection; and she at length determined to go to Gloucester, and
-thence to proceed directly to London.
-
-But, unluckily, a few miles before she entered that town, she met the
-hack-attorney, who, as is before mentioned, had dined there with Mr
-Jones. This fellow, being well known to Mrs Honour, stopt and spoke to
-her; of which Sophia at that time took little notice, more than to
-enquire who he was.
-
-But, having had a more particular account from Honour of this man
-afterwards at Gloucester, and hearing of the great expedition he
-usually made in travelling, for which (as hath been before observed)
-he was particularly famous; recollecting, likewise, that she had
-overheard Mrs Honour inform him that they were going to Gloucester,
-she began to fear lest her father might, by this fellow's means, be
-able to trace her to that city; wherefore, if she should there strike
-into the London road, she apprehended he would certainly be able to
-overtake her. She therefore altered her resolution; and, having hired
-horses to go a week's journey a way which she did not intend to
-travel, she again set forward after a light refreshment, contrary to
-the desire and earnest entreaties of her maid, and to the no less
-vehement remonstrances of Mrs Whitefield, who, from good breeding, or
-perhaps from good nature (for the poor young lady appeared much
-fatigued), pressed her very heartily to stay that evening at
-Gloucester.
-
-Having refreshed herself only with some tea, and with lying about two
-hours on the bed, while her horses were getting ready, she resolutely
-left Mrs Whitefield's about eleven at night, and, striking directly
-into the Worcester road, within less than four hours arrived at that
-very inn where we last saw her.
-
-Having thus traced our heroine very particularly back from her
-departure, till her arrival at Upton, we shall in a very few words
-bring her father to the same place; who, having received the first
-scent from the post-boy, who conducted his daughter to Hambrook, very
-easily traced her afterwards to Gloucester; whence he pursued her to
-Upton, as he had learned Mr Jones had taken that route (for Partridge,
-to use the squire's expression, left everywhere a strong scent behind
-him), and he doubted not in the least but Sophia travelled, or, as he
-phrased it, ran, the same way. He used indeed a very coarse
-expression, which need not be here inserted; as fox-hunters, who alone
-will understand it, will easily suggest it to themselves.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XI.
-
-CONTAINING ABOUT THREE DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-A crust for the critics.
-
-
-In our last initial chapter we may be supposed to have treated that
-formidable set of men who are called critics with more freedom than
-becomes us; since they exact, and indeed generally receive, great
-condescension from authors. We shall in this, therefore, give the
-reasons of our conduct to this august body; and here we shall,
-perhaps, place them in a light in which they have not hitherto been
-seen.
-
-This word critic is of Greek derivation, and signifies judgment. Hence
-I presume some persons who have not understood the original, and have
-seen the English translation of the primitive, have concluded that it
-meant judgment in the legal sense, in which it is frequently used as
-equivalent to condemnation.
-
-I am the rather inclined to be of that opinion, as the greatest number
-of critics hath of late years been found amongst the lawyers. Many of
-these gentlemen, from despair, perhaps, of ever rising to the bench in
-Westminster-hall, have placed themselves on the benches at the
-playhouse, where they have exerted their judicial capacity, and have
-given judgment, _i.e._, condemned without mercy.
-
-The gentlemen would, perhaps, be well enough pleased, if we were to
-leave them thus compared to one of the most important and honourable
-offices in the commonwealth, and, if we intended to apply to their
-favour, we would do so; but, as we design to deal very sincerely and
-plainly too with them, we must remind them of another officer of
-justice of a much lower rank; to whom, as they not only pronounce, but
-execute, their own judgment, they bear likewise some remote
-resemblance.
-
-But in reality there is another light, in which these modern critics
-may, with great justice and propriety, be seen; and this is that of a
-common slanderer. If a person who prys into the characters of others,
-with no other design but to discover their faults, and to publish them
-to the world, deserves the title of a slanderer of the reputations of
-men, why should not a critic, who reads with the same malevolent view,
-be as properly stiled the slanderer of the reputation of books?
-
-Vice hath not, I believe, a more abject slave; society produces not a
-more odious vermin; nor can the devil receive a guest more worthy of
-him, nor possibly more welcome to him, than a slanderer. The world, I
-am afraid, regards not this monster with half the abhorrence which he
-deserves; and I am more afraid to assign the reason of this criminal
-lenity shown towards him; yet it is certain that the thief looks
-innocent in the comparison; nay, the murderer himself can seldom stand
-in competition with his guilt: for slander is a more cruel weapon than
-a sword, as the wounds which the former gives are always incurable.
-One method, indeed, there is of killing, and that the basest and most
-execrable of all, which bears an exact analogy to the vice here
-disclaimed against, and that is poison: a means of revenge so base,
-and yet so horrible, that it was once wisely distinguished by our laws
-from all other murders, in the peculiar severity of the punishment.
-
-Besides the dreadful mischiefs done by slander, and the baseness of
-the means by which they are effected, there are other circumstances
-that highly aggravate its atrocious quality; for it often proceeds
-from no provocation, and seldom promises itself any reward, unless
-some black and infernal mind may propose a reward in the thoughts of
-having procured the ruin and misery of another.
-
-Shakespear hath nobly touched this vice, when he says--
-
- "Who steals my purse steals trash; 't is something, nothing;
-  'Twas mine, 'tis his, and hath been slave to thousands:
-  But he that filches from me my good name
-  Robs me of that WHICH NOT ENRICHES HIM,
-  BUT MAKES ME POOR INDEED."
-
-With all this my good reader will doubtless agree; but much of it will
-probably seem too severe, when applied to the slanderer of books. But
-let it here be considered that both proceed from the same wicked
-disposition of mind, and are alike void of the excuse of temptation.
-Nor shall we conclude the injury done this way to be very slight, when
-we consider a book as the author's offspring, and indeed as the child
-of his brain.
-
-The reader who hath suffered his muse to continue hitherto in a virgin
-state can have but a very inadequate idea of this kind of paternal
-fondness. To such we may parody the tender exclamation of Macduff,
-"Alas! Thou hast written no book." But the author whose muse hath
-brought forth will feel the pathetic strain, perhaps will accompany me
-with tears (especially if his darling be already no more), while I
-mention the uneasiness with which the big muse bears about her burden,
-the painful labour with which she produces it, and, lastly, the care,
-the fondness, with which the tender father nourishes his favourite,
-till it be brought to maturity, and produced into the world.
-
-Nor is there any paternal fondness which seems less to savour of
-absolute instinct, and which may so well be reconciled to worldly
-wisdom, as this. These children may most truly be called the riches of
-their father; and many of them have with true filial piety fed their
-parent in his old age: so that not only the affection, but the
-interest, of the author may be highly injured by these slanderers,
-whose poisonous breath brings his book to an untimely end.
-
-Lastly, the slander of a book is, in truth, the slander of the author:
-for, as no one can call another bastard, without calling the mother a
-whore, so neither can any one give the names of sad stuff, horrid
-nonsense, &c., to a book, without calling the author a blockhead;
-which, though in a moral sense it is a preferable appellation to that
-of villain, is perhaps rather more injurious to his worldly interest.
-
-Now, however ludicrous all this may appear to some, others, I doubt
-not, will feel and acknowledge the truth of it; nay, may, perhaps,
-think I have not treated the subject with decent solemnity; but surely
-a man may speak truth with a smiling countenance. In reality, to
-depreciate a book maliciously, or even wantonly, is at least a very
-ill-natured office; and a morose snarling critic may, I believe, be
-suspected to be a bad man.
-
-I will therefore endeavour, in the remaining part of this chapter, to
-explain the marks of this character, and to show what criticism I here
-intend to obviate: for I can never be understood, unless by the very
-persons here meant, to insinuate that there are no proper judges of
-writing, or to endeavour to exclude from the commonwealth of
-literature any of those noble critics to whose labours the learned
-world are so greatly indebted. Such were Aristotle, Horace, and
-Longinus, among the antients, Dacier and Bossu among the French, and
-some perhaps among us; who have certainly been duly authorised to
-execute at least a judicial authority _in foro literario_.
-
-But without ascertaining all the proper qualifications of a critic,
-which I have touched on elsewhere, I think I may very boldly object to
-the censures of any one past upon works which he hath not himself
-read. Such censurers as these, whether they speak from their own guess
-or suspicion, or from the report and opinion of others, may properly
-be said to slander the reputation of the book they condemn.
-
-Such may likewise be suspected of deserving this character, who,
-without assigning any particular faults, condemn the whole in general
-defamatory terms; such as vile, dull, d--d stuff, &c., and
-particularly by the use of the monosyllable low; a word which becomes
-the mouth of no critic who is not RIGHT HONOURABLE.
-
-Again, though there may be some faults justly assigned in the work,
-yet, if those are not in the most essential parts, or if they are
-compensated by greater beauties, it will savour rather of the malice
-of a slanderer than of the judgment of a true critic to pass a severe
-sentence upon the whole, merely on account of some vicious part. This
-is directly contrary to the sentiments of Horace:
-
-     _Verum ubi plura nitent in carmine, non ego paucis
-     Offendor maculis, quas aut incuria fudit,
-     Aut humana parum cavit natura----_
-
-     But where the beauties, more in number, shine,
-     I am not angry, when a casual line
-     (That with some trivial faults unequal flows)
-     A careless hand or human frailty shows.--MR FRANCIS.
-
-For, as Martial says, _Aliter non fit, Avite, liber_. No book can be
-otherwise composed. All beauty of character, as well as of
-countenance, and indeed of everything human, is to be tried in this
-manner. Cruel indeed would it be if such a work as this history, which
-hath employed some thousands of hours in the composing, should be
-liable to be condemned, because some particular chapter, or perhaps
-chapters, may be obnoxious to very just and sensible objections. And
-yet nothing is more common than the most rigorous sentence upon books
-supported by such objections, which, if they were rightly taken (and
-that they are not always), do by no means go to the merit of the
-whole. In the theatre especially, a single expression which doth not
-coincide with the taste of the audience, or with any individual critic
-of that audience, is sure to be hissed; and one scene which should be
-disapproved would hazard the whole piece. To write within such severe
-rules as these is as impossible as to live up to some splenetic
-opinions: and if we judge according to the sentiments of some critics,
-and of some Christians, no author will be saved in this world, and no
-man in the next.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-The adventures which Sophia met with after her leaving Upton.
-
-
-Our history, just before it was obliged to turn about and travel
-backwards, had mentioned the departure of Sophia and her maid from the
-inn; we shall now therefore pursue the steps of that lovely creature,
-and leave her unworthy lover a little longer to bemoan his ill-luck,
-or rather his ill-conduct.
-
-Sophia having directed her guide to travel through bye-roads, across
-the country, they now passed the Severn, and had scarce got a mile
-from the inn, when the young lady, looking behind her, saw several
-horses coming after on full speed. This greatly alarmed her fears, and
-she called to the guide to put on as fast as possible.
-
-He immediately obeyed her, and away they rode a full gallop. But the
-faster they went, the faster were they followed; and as the horses
-behind were somewhat swifter than those before, so the former were at
-length overtaken. A happy circumstance for poor Sophia; whose fears,
-joined to her fatigue, had almost overpowered her spirits; but she was
-now instantly relieved by a female voice, that greeted her in the
-softest manner, and with the utmost civility. This greeting Sophia, as
-soon as she could recover her breath, with like civility, and with the
-highest satisfaction to herself, returned.
-
-The travellers who joined Sophia, and who had given her such terror,
-consisted, like her own company, of two females and a guide. The two
-parties proceeded three full miles together before any one offered
-again to open their mouths; when our heroine, having pretty well got
-the better of her fear (but yet being somewhat surprized that the
-other still continued to attend her, as she pursued no great road, and
-had already passed through several turnings), accosted the strange
-lady in a most obliging tone, and said, "She was very happy to find
-they were both travelling the same way." The other, who, like a ghost,
-only wanted to be spoke to, readily answered, "That the happiness was
-entirely hers; that she was a perfect stranger in that country, and
-was so overjoyed at meeting a companion of her own sex, that she had
-perhaps been guilty of an impertinence, which required great apology,
-in keeping pace with her." More civilities passed between these two
-ladies; for Mrs Honour had now given place to the fine habit of the
-stranger, and had fallen into the rear. But, though Sophia had great
-curiosity to know why the other lady continued to travel on through
-the same bye-roads with herself, nay, though this gave her some
-uneasiness, yet fear, or modesty, or some other consideration,
-restrained her from asking the question.
-
-The strange lady now laboured under a difficulty which appears almost
-below the dignity of history to mention. Her bonnet had been blown
-from her head not less than five times within the last mile; nor could
-she come at any ribbon or handkerchief to tie it under her chin. When
-Sophia was informed of this, she immediately supplied her with a
-handkerchief for this purpose; which while she was pulling from her
-pocket, she perhaps too much neglected the management of her horse,
-for the beast, now unluckily making a false step, fell upon his
-fore-legs, and threw his fair rider from his back.
-
-Though Sophia came head foremost to the ground, she happily received
-not the least damage: and the same circumstances which had perhaps
-contributed to her fall now preserved her from confusion; for the lane
-which they were then passing was narrow, and very much overgrown with
-trees, so that the moon could here afford very little light, and was
-moreover, at present, so obscured in a cloud, that it was almost
-perfectly dark. By these means the young lady's modesty, which was
-extremely delicate, escaped as free from injury as her limbs, and she
-was once more reinstated in her saddle, having received no other harm
-than a little fright by her fall.
-
-Daylight at length appeared in its full lustre; and now the two
-ladies, who were riding over a common side by side, looking stedfastly
-at each other, at the same moment both their eyes became fixed; both
-their horses stopt, and, both speaking together, with equal joy
-pronounced, the one the name of Sophia, the other that of Harriet.
-
-This unexpected encounter surprized the ladies much more than I
-believe it will the sagacious reader, who must have imagined that the
-strange lady could be no other than Mrs Fitzpatrick, the cousin of
-Miss Western, whom we before mentioned to have sallied from the inn a
-few minutes after her.
-
-So great was the surprize and joy which these two cousins conceived at
-this meeting (for they had formerly been most intimate acquaintance
-and friends, and had long lived together with their aunt Western),
-that it is impossible to recount half the congratulations which passed
-between them, before either asked a very natural question of the
-other, namely, whither she was going?
-
-This at last, however, came first from Mrs Fitzpatrick; but, easy and
-natural as the question may seem, Sophia found it difficult to give it
-a very ready and certain answer. She begged her cousin therefore to
-suspend all curiosity till they arrived at some inn, "which I
-suppose," says she, "can hardly be far distant; and, believe me,
-Harriet, I suspend as much curiosity on my side; for, indeed, I
-believe our astonishment is pretty equal."
-
-The conversation which passed between these ladies on the road was, I
-apprehend, little worth relating; and less certainly was that between
-the two waiting-women; for they likewise began to pay their
-compliments to each other. As for the guides, they were debarred from
-the pleasure of discourse, the one being placed in the van, and the
-other obliged to bring up the rear.
-
-In this posture they travelled many hours, till they came into a wide
-and well-beaten road, which, as they turned to the right, soon brought
-them to a very fair promising inn, where they all alighted: but so
-fatigued was Sophia, that as she had sat her horse during the last
-five or six miles with great difficulty, so was she now incapable of
-dismounting from him without assistance. This the landlord, who had
-hold of her horse, presently perceiving, offered to lift her in his
-arms from her saddle; and she too readily accepted the tender of his
-service. Indeed fortune seems to have resolved to put Sophia to the
-blush that day, and the second malicious attempt succeeded better than
-the first; for my landlord had no sooner received the young lady in
-his arms, than his feet, which the gout had lately very severely
-handled, gave way, and down he tumbled; but, at the same time, with no
-less dexterity than gallantry, contrived to throw himself under his
-charming burden, so that he alone received any bruise from the fall;
-for the great injury which happened to Sophia was a violent shock
-given to her modesty by an immoderate grin, which, at her rising from
-the ground, she observed in the countenances of most of the
-bye-standers. This made her suspect what had really happened, and what
-we shall not here relate for the indulgence of those readers who are
-capable of laughing at the offence given to a young lady's delicacy.
-Accidents of this kind we have never regarded in a comical light; nor
-will we scruple to say that he must have a very inadequate idea of the
-modesty of a beautiful young woman, who would wish to sacrifice it to
-so paltry a satisfaction as can arise from laughter.
-
-This fright and shock, joined to the violent fatigue which both her
-mind and body had undergone, almost overcame the excellent
-constitution of Sophia, and she had scarce strength sufficient to
-totter into the inn, leaning on the arm of her maid. Here she was no
-sooner seated than she called for a glass of water; but Mrs Honour,
-very judiciously, in my opinion, changed it into a glass of wine.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick, hearing from Mrs Honour that Sophia had not been in
-bed during the two last nights, and observing her to look very pale
-and wan with her fatigue, earnestly entreated her to refresh herself
-with some sleep. She was yet a stranger to her history, or her
-apprehensions; but, had she known both, she would have given the same
-advice; for rest was visibly necessary for her; and their long journey
-through bye-roads so entirely removed all danger of pursuit, that she
-was herself perfectly easy on that account.
-
-Sophia was easily prevailed on to follow the counsel of her friend,
-which was heartily seconded by her maid. Mrs Fitzpatrick likewise
-offered to bear her cousin company, which Sophia, with much
-complacence, accepted.
-
-The mistress was no sooner in bed than the maid prepared to follow her
-example. She began to make many apologies to her sister Abigail for
-leaving her alone in so horrid a place as an inn; but the other stopt
-her short, being as well inclined to a nap as herself, and desired the
-honour of being her bedfellow. Sophia's maid agreed to give her a
-share of her bed, but put in her claim to all the honour. So, after
-many courtsies and compliments, to bed together went the
-waiting-women, as their mistresses had done before them.
-
-It was usual with my landlord (as indeed it is with the whole
-fraternity) to enquire particularly of all coachmen, footmen,
-postboys, and others, into the names of all his guests; what their
-estate was, and where it lay. It cannot therefore be wondered at that
-the many particular circumstances which attended our travellers, and
-especially their retiring all to sleep at so extraordinary and unusual
-an hour as ten in the morning, should excite his curiosity. As soon,
-therefore, as the guides entered the kitchen, he began to examine who
-the ladies were, and whence they came; but the guides, though they
-faithfully related all they knew, gave him very little satisfaction.
-On the contrary, they rather enflamed his curiosity than extinguished
-it.
-
-This landlord had the character, among all his neighbours, of being a
-very sagacious fellow. He was thought to see farther and deeper into
-things than any man in the parish, the parson himself not excepted.
-Perhaps his look had contributed not a little to procure him this
-reputation; for there was in this something wonderfully wise and
-significant, especially when he had a pipe in his mouth; which,
-indeed, he seldom was without. His behaviour, likewise, greatly
-assisted in promoting the opinion of his wisdom. In his deportment he
-was solemn, if not sullen; and when he spoke, which was seldom, he
-always delivered himself in a slow voice; and, though his sentences
-were short, they were still interrupted with many hums and ha's, ay
-ays, and other expletives: so that, though he accompanied his words
-with certain explanatory gestures, such as shaking or nodding the
-head, or pointing with his fore-finger, he generally left his hearers
-to understand more than he expressed; nay, he commonly gave them a
-hint that he knew much more than he thought proper to disclose. This
-last circumstance alone may, indeed, very well account for his
-character of wisdom; since men are strangely inclined to worship what
-they do not understand. A grand secret, upon which several imposers on
-mankind have totally relied for the success of their frauds.
-
-This polite person, now taking his wife aside, asked her "what she
-thought of the ladies lately arrived?" "Think of them?" said the wife,
-"why, what should I think of them?" "I know," answered he, "what I
-think. The guides tell strange stories. One pretends to be come from
-Gloucester, and the other from Upton; and neither of them, for what I
-can find, can tell whither they are going. But what people ever travel
-across the country from Upton hither, especially to London? And one of
-the maid-servants, before she alighted from her horse, asked if this
-was not the London road? Now I have put all these circumstances
-together, and whom do you think I have found them out to be?" "Nay,"
-answered she, "you know I never pretend to guess at your
-discoveries."----"It is a good girl," replied he, chucking her under
-the chin; "I must own you have always submitted to my knowledge of
-these matters. Why, then, depend upon it; mind what I say--depend upon
-it, they are certainly some of the rebel ladies, who, they say, travel
-with the young Chevalier; and have taken a roundabout way to escape
-the duke's army."
-
-"Husband," quoth the wife, "you have certainly hit it; for one of them
-is dressed as fine as any princess; and, to be sure, she looks for all
-the world like one.----But yet, when I consider one thing"----"When
-you consider," cries the landlord contemptuously----"Come, pray let's
-hear what you consider."----"Why, it is," answered the wife, "that she
-is too humble to be any very great lady: for, while our Betty was
-warming the bed, she called her nothing but child, and my dear, and
-sweetheart; and, when Betty offered to pull off her shoes and
-stockings, she would not suffer her, saying, she would not give her
-the trouble."
-
-"Pugh!" answered the husband, "that is nothing. Dost think, because
-you have seen some great ladies rude and uncivil to persons below
-them, that none of them know how to behave themselves when they come
-before their inferiors? I think I know people of fashion when I see
-them--I think I do. Did not she call for a glass of water when she
-came in? Another sort of women would have called for a dram; you know
-they would. If she be not a woman of very great quality, sell me for a
-fool; and, I believe, those who buy me will have a bad bargain. Now,
-would a woman of her quality travel without a footman, unless upon
-some such extraordinary occasion?" "Nay, to be sure, husband," cries
-she, "you know these matters better than I, or most folk." "I think I
-do know something," said he. "To be sure," answered the wife, "the
-poor little heart looked so piteous, when she sat down in the chair, I
-protest I could not help having a compassion for her almost as much as
-if she had been a poor body. But what's to be done, husband? If an she
-be a rebel, I suppose you intend to betray her up to the court. Well,
-she's a sweet-tempered, good-humoured lady, be she what she will, and
-I shall hardly refrain from crying when I hear she is hanged or
-beheaded." "Pooh!" answered the husband.----"But, as to what's to be
-done, it is not so easy a matter to determine. I hope, before she goes
-away, we shall have the news of a battle; for, if the Chevalier should
-get the better, she may gain us interest at court, and make our
-fortunes without betraying her." "Why, that's true," replied the wife;
-"and I heartily hope she will have it in her power. Certainly she's a
-sweet good lady; it would go horribly against me to have her come to
-any harm." "Pooh!" cries the landlord, "women are always so
-tender-hearted. Why, you would not harbour rebels, would you?" "No,
-certainly," answered the wife; "and as for betraying her, come what
-will on't, nobody can blame us. It is what anybody would do in our
-case."
-
-While our politic landlord, who had not, we see, undeservedly the
-reputation of great wisdom among his neighbours, was engaged in
-debating this matter with himself (for he paid little attention to the
-opinion of his wife), news arrived that the rebels had given the duke
-the slip, and had got a day's march towards London; and soon after
-arrived a famous Jacobite squire, who, with great joy in his
-countenance, shook the landlord by the hand, saying, "All's our own,
-boy, ten thousand honest Frenchmen are landed in Suffolk. Old England
-for ever! ten thousand French, my brave lad! I am going to tap away
-directly."
-
-This news determined the opinion of the wise man, and he resolved to
-make his court to the young lady when she arose; for he had now (he
-said) discovered that she was no other than Madam Jenny Cameron
-herself.
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-A very short chapter, in which however is a sun, a moon, a star, and
-an angel.
-
-
-The sun (for he keeps very good hours at this time of the year) had
-been some time retired to rest when Sophia arose greatly refreshed by
-her sleep; which, short as it was, nothing but her extreme fatigue
-could have occasioned; for, though she had told her maid, and perhaps
-herself too, that she was perfectly easy when she left Upton, yet it
-is certain her mind was a little affected with that malady which is
-attended with all the restless symptoms of a fever, and is perhaps the
-very distemper which physicians mean (if they mean anything) by the
-fever on the spirits.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick likewise left her bed at the same time; and, having
-summoned her maid, immediately dressed herself. She was really a very
-pretty woman, and, had she been in any other company but that of
-Sophia, might have been thought beautiful; but when Mrs Honour of her
-own accord attended (for her mistress would not suffer her to be
-waked), and had equipped our heroine, the charms of Mrs Fitzpatrick,
-who had performed the office of the morning-star, and had preceded
-greater glories, shared the fate of that star, and were totally
-eclipsed the moment those glories shone forth.
-
-Perhaps Sophia never looked more beautiful than she did at this
-instant. We ought not, therefore, to condemn the maid of the inn for
-her hyperbole, who, when she descended, after having lighted the fire,
-declared, and ratified it with an oath, that if ever there was an
-angel upon earth, she was now above-stairs.
-
-Sophia had acquainted her cousin with her design to go to London; and
-Mrs Fitzpatrick had agreed to accompany her; for the arrival of her
-husband at Upton had put an end to her design of going to Bath, or to
-her aunt Western. They had therefore no sooner finished their tea than
-Sophia proposed to set out, the moon then shining extremely bright,
-and as for the frost she defied it; nor had she any of those
-apprehensions which many young ladies would have felt at travelling by
-night; for she had, as we have before observed, some little degree of
-natural courage; and this, her present sensations, which bordered
-somewhat on despair, greatly encreased. Besides, as she had already
-travelled twice with safety by the light of the moon, she was the
-better emboldened to trust to it a third time.
-
-The disposition of Mrs Fitzpatrick was more timorous; for, though the
-greater terrors had conquered the less, and the presence of her
-husband had driven her away at so unseasonable an hour from Upton,
-yet, being now arrived at a place where she thought herself safe from
-his pursuit, these lesser terrors of I know not what operated so
-strongly, that she earnestly entreated her cousin to stay till the
-next morning, and not expose herself to the dangers of travelling by
-night.
-
-Sophia, who was yielding to an excess, when she could neither laugh
-nor reason her cousin out of these apprehensions, at last gave way to
-them. Perhaps, indeed, had she known of her father's arrival at Upton,
-it might have been more difficult to have persuaded her; for as to
-Jones, she had, I am afraid, no great horror at the thoughts of being
-overtaken by him; nay, to confess the truth, I believe she rather
-wished than feared it; though I might honestly enough have concealed
-this wish from the reader, as it was one of those secret spontaneous
-emotions of the soul to which the reason is often a stranger.
-
-When our young ladies had determined to remain all that evening in
-their inn they were attended by the landlady, who desired to know what
-their ladyships would be pleased to eat. Such charms were there in the
-voice, in the manner, and in the affable deportment of Sophia, that
-she ravished the landlady to the highest degree; and that good woman,
-concluding that she had attended Jenny Cameron, became in a moment a
-stanch Jacobite, and wished heartily well to the young Pretender's
-cause, from the great sweetness and affability with which she had been
-treated by his supposed mistress.
-
-The two cousins began now to impart to each other their reciprocal
-curiosity to know what extraordinary accidents on both sides
-occasioned this so strange and unexpected meeting. At last Mrs
-Fitzpatrick, having obtained of Sophia a promise of communicating
-likewise in her turn, began to relate what the reader, if he is
-desirous to know her history, may read in the ensuing chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-The history of Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick, after a silence of a few moments, fetching a deep
-sigh, thus began:
-
-"It is natural to the unhappy to feel a secret concern in recollecting
-those periods of their lives which have been most delightful to them.
-The remembrance of past pleasures affects us with a kind of tender
-grief, like what we suffer for departed friends; and the ideas of both
-may be said to haunt our imaginations.
-
-"For this reason, I never reflect without sorrow on those days (the
-happiest far of my life) which we spent together when both were under
-the care of my aunt Western. Alas! why are Miss Graveairs and Miss
-Giddy no more? You remember, I am sure, when we knew each other by no
-other names. Indeed, you gave the latter appellation with too much
-cause. I have since experienced how much I deserved it. You, my
-Sophia, was always my superior in everything, and I heartily hope you
-will be so in your fortune. I shall never forget the wise and matronly
-advice you once gave me, when I lamented being disappointed of a ball,
-though you could not be then fourteen years old.----O my Sophy, how
-blest must have been my situation, when I could think such a
-disappointment a misfortune; and when indeed it was the greatest I had
-ever known!"
-
-"And yet, my dear Harriet," answered Sophia, "it was then a serious
-matter with you. Comfort yourself therefore with thinking, that
-whatever you now lament may hereafter appear as trifling and
-contemptible as a ball would at this time."
-
-"Alas, my Sophia," replied the other lady, "you yourself will think
-otherwise of my present situation; for greatly must that tender heart
-be altered if my misfortunes do not draw many a sigh, nay, many a
-tear, from you. The knowledge of this should perhaps deter me from
-relating what I am convinced will so much affect you." Here Mrs
-Fitzpatrick stopt, till, at the repeated entreaties of Sophia, she
-thus proceeded:
-
-"Though you must have heard much of my marriage; yet, as matters may
-probably have been misrepresented, I will set out from the very
-commencement of my unfortunate acquaintance with my present husband;
-which was at Bath, soon after you left my aunt, and returned home to
-your father.
-
-"Among the gay young fellows who were at this season at Bath, Mr
-Fitzpatrick was one. He was handsome, _dégagé,_ extremely gallant, and
-in his dress exceeded most others. In short, my dear, if you was
-unluckily to see him now, I could describe him no better than by
-telling you he was the very reverse of everything which he is: for he
-hath rusticated himself so long, that he is become an absolute wild
-Irishman. But to proceed in my story: the qualifications which he then
-possessed so well recommended him, that, though the people of quality
-at that time lived separate from the rest of the company, and excluded
-them from all their parties, Mr Fitzpatrick found means to gain
-admittance. It was perhaps no easy matter to avoid him; for he
-required very little or no invitation; and as, being handsome and
-genteel, he found it no very difficult matter to ingratiate himself
-with the ladies, so, he having frequently drawn his sword, the men did
-not care publickly to affront him. Had it not been for some such
-reason, I believe he would have been soon expelled by his own sex; for
-surely he had no strict title to be preferred to the English gentry;
-nor did they seem inclined to show him any extraordinary favour. They
-all abused him behind his back, which might probably proceed from
-envy; for by the women he was well received, and very particularly
-distinguished by them.
-
-"My aunt, though no person of quality herself, as she had always lived
-about the court, was enrolled in that party; for, by whatever means
-you get into the polite circle, when you are once there, it is
-sufficient merit for you that you are there. This observation, young
-as you was, you could scarce avoid making from my aunt, who was free,
-or reserved, with all people, just as they had more or less of this
-merit.
-
-"And this merit, I believe, it was, which principally recommended Mr
-Fitzpatrick to her favour. In which he so well succeeded, that he was
-always one of her private parties. Nor was he backward in returning
-such distinction; for he soon grew so very particular in his behaviour
-to her, that the scandal club first began to take notice of it, and
-the better-disposed persons made a match between them. For my own
-part, I confess, I made no doubt but that his designs were strictly
-honourable, as the phrase is; that is, to rob a lady of her fortune by
-way of marriage. My aunt was, I conceived, neither young enough nor
-handsome enough to attract much wicked inclination; but she had
-matrimonial charms in great abundance.
-
-"I was the more confirmed in this opinion from the extraordinary
-respect which he showed to myself from the first moment of our
-acquaintance. This I understood as an attempt to lessen, if possible,
-that disinclination which my interest might be supposed to give me
-towards the match; and I know not but in some measure it had that
-effect; for, as I was well contented with my own fortune, and of all
-people the least a slave to interested views, so I could not be
-violently the enemy of a man with whose behaviour to me I was greatly
-pleased; and the more so, as I was the only object of such respect;
-for he behaved at the same time to many women of quality without any
-respect at all.
-
-"Agreeable as this was to me, he soon changed it into another kind of
-behaviour, which was perhaps more so. He now put on much softness and
-tenderness, and languished and sighed abundantly. At times, indeed,
-whether from art or nature I will not determine, he gave his usual
-loose to gaiety and mirth; but this was always in general company, and
-with other women; for even in a country-dance, when he was not my
-partner, he became grave, and put on the softest look imaginable the
-moment he approached me. Indeed he was in all things so very
-particular towards me, that I must have been blind not to have
-discovered it. And, and, and----" "And you was more pleased still, my
-dear Harriet," cries Sophia; "you need not be ashamed," added she,
-sighing; "for sure there are irresistible charms in tenderness, which
-too many men are able to affect." "True," answered her cousin; "men,
-who in all other instances want common sense, are very Machiavels in
-the art of loving. I wish I did not know an instance.--Well, scandal
-now began to be as busy with me as it had before been with my aunt;
-and some good ladies did not scruple to affirm that Mr Fitzpatrick had
-an intrigue with us both.
-
-"But, what may seem astonishing, my aunt never saw, nor in the least
-seemed to suspect, that which was visible enough, I believe, from both
-our behaviours. One would indeed think that love quite puts out the
-eyes of an old woman. In fact, they so greedily swallow the addresses
-which are made to them, that, like an outrageous glutton, they are not
-at leisure to observe what passes amongst others at the same table.
-This I have observed in more cases than my own; and this was so
-strongly verified by my aunt, that, though she often found us together
-at her return from the pump, the least canting word of his, pretending
-impatience at her absence, effectually smothered all suspicion. One
-artifice succeeded with her to admiration. This was his treating me
-like a little child, and never calling me by any other name in her
-presence but that of pretty miss. This indeed did him some disservice
-with your humble servant; but I soon saw through it, especially as in
-her absence he behaved to me, as I have said, in a different manner.
-However, if I was not greatly disobliged by a conduct of which I had
-discovered the design, I smarted very severely for it; for my aunt
-really conceived me to be what her lover (as she thought him) called
-me, and treated me in all respects as a perfect infant. To say the
-truth, I wonder she had not insisted on my again wearing
-leading-strings.
-
-"At last, my lover (for so he was) thought proper, in a most solemn
-manner, to disclose a secret which I had known long before. He now
-placed all the love which he had pretended to my aunt to my account.
-He lamented, in very pathetic terms, the encouragement she had given
-him, and made a high merit of the tedious hours in which he had
-undergone her conversation.--What shall I tell you, my dear
-Sophia?--Then I will confess the truth. I was pleased with my man. I
-was pleased with my conquest. To rival my aunt delighted me; to rival
-so many other women charmed me. In short, I am afraid I did not behave
-as I should do, even upon the very first declaration--I wish I did not
-almost give him positive encouragement before we parted.
-
-"The Bath now talked loudly--I might almost say, roared against me.
-Several young women affected to shun my acquaintance, not so much,
-perhaps, from any real suspicion, as from a desire of banishing me
-from a company in which I too much engrossed their favourite man. And
-here I cannot omit expressing my gratitude to the kindness intended me
-by Mr Nash, who took me one day aside, and gave me advice, which if I
-had followed, I had been a happy woman. `Child,' says he, `I am sorry
-to see the familiarity which subsists between you and a fellow who is
-altogether unworthy of you, and I am afraid will prove your ruin. As
-for your old stinking aunt, if it was to be no injury to you and my
-pretty Sophy Western (I assure you I repeat his words), I should be
-heartily glad that the fellow was in possession of all that belongs to
-her. I never advise old women: for, if they take it into their heads
-to go to the devil, it is no more possible than worth while to keep
-them from him. Innocence and youth and beauty are worthy a better
-fate, and I would save them from his clutches. Let me advise you
-therefore, dear child, never suffer this fellow to be particular with
-you again.' Many more things he said to me, which I have now
-forgotten, and indeed I attended very little to them at the time; for
-inclination contradicted all he said; and, besides, I could not be
-persuaded that women of quality would condescend to familiarity with
-such a person as he described.
-
-"But I am afraid, my dear, I shall tire you with a detail of so many
-minute circumstances. To be concise, therefore, imagine me married;
-imagine me with my husband, at the feet of my aunt; and then imagine
-the maddest woman in Bedlam, in a raving fit, and your imagination
-will suggest to you no more than what really happened.
-
-"The very next day my aunt left the place, partly to avoid seeing Mr
-Fitzpatrick or myself, and as much perhaps to avoid seeing any one
-else; for, though I am told she hath since denied everything stoutly,
-I believe she was then a little confounded at her disappointment.
-Since that time, I have written to her many letters, but never could
-obtain an answer, which I must own sits somewhat the heavier, as she
-herself was, though undesignedly, the occasion of all my sufferings:
-for, had it not been under the colour of paying his addresses to her,
-Mr Fitzpatrick would never have found sufficient opportunities to have
-engaged my heart, which, in other circumstances, I still flatter
-myself would not have been an easy conquest to such a person. Indeed,
-I believe I should not have erred so grossly in my choice if I had
-relied on my own judgment; but I trusted totally to the opinion of
-others, and very foolishly took the merit of a man for granted whom I
-saw so universally well received by the women. What is the reason, my
-dear, that we, who have understandings equal to the wisest and
-greatest of the other sex, so often make choice of the silliest
-fellows for companions and favourites? It raises my indignation to the
-highest pitch to reflect on the numbers of women of sense who have
-been undone by fools." Here she paused a moment; but, Sophia making no
-answer, she proceeded as in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-In which the history of Mrs Fitzpatrick is continued.
-
-
-"We remained at Bath no longer than a fortnight after our wedding; for
-as to any reconciliation with my aunt, there were no hopes; and of my
-fortune not one farthing could be touched till I was of age, of which
-I now wanted more than two years. My husband therefore was resolved to
-set out for Ireland; against which I remonstrated very earnestly, and
-insisted on a promise which he had made me before our marriage that I
-should never take this journey against my consent; and indeed I never
-intended to consent to it; nor will anybody, I believe, blame me for
-that resolution; but this, however, I never mentioned to my husband,
-and petitioned only for the reprieve of a month; but he had fixed the
-day, and to that day he obstinately adhered.
-
-"The evening before our departure, as we were disputing this point
-with great eagerness on both sides, he started suddenly from his
-chair, and left me abruptly, saying he was going to the rooms. He was
-hardly out of the house when I saw a paper lying on the floor, which,
-I suppose, he had carelessly pulled from his pocket, together with his
-handkerchief. This paper I took up, and, finding it to be a letter, I
-made no scruple to open and read it; and indeed I read it so often
-that I can repeat it to you almost word for word. This then was the
-letter:
-
-  _'To Mr Brian Fitzpatrick._
-
-  'SIR,
-
-  'YOURS received, and am surprized you should use me in this manner,
-  as have never seen any of your cash, unless for one linsey-woolsey
-  coat, and your bill now is upwards of £150. Consider, sir, how often
-  you have fobbed me off with your being shortly to be married to this
-  lady and t'other lady; but I can neither live on hopes or promises,
-  nor will my woollen-draper take any such in payment. You tell me you
-  are secure of having either the aunt or the niece, and that you
-  might have married the aunt before this, whose jointure you say is
-  immense, but that you prefer the niece on account of her ready
-  money. Pray, sir, take a fool's advice for once, and marry the first
-  you can get. You will pardon my offering my advice, as you know I
-  sincerely wish you well. Shall draw on you per next post, in favour
-  of Messieurs John Drugget and company, at fourteen days, which doubt
-  not your honouring, and am,
-
-  Sir, your humble servant, 'SAM. COSGRAVE.'
-
-"This was the letter, word for word. Guess, my dear girl--guess how
-this letter affected me. You prefer the niece on account of her ready
-money! If every one of these words had been a dagger, I could with
-pleasure have stabbed them into his heart; but I will not recount my
-frantic behaviour on the occasion. I had pretty well spent my tears
-before his return home; but sufficient remains of them appeared in my
-swollen eyes. He threw himself sullenly into his chair, and for a long
-time we were both silent. At length, in a haughty tone, he said, `I
-hope, madam, your servants have packed up all your things; for the
-coach will be ready by six in the morning.' My patience was totally
-subdued by this provocation, and I answered, `No, sir, there is a
-letter still remains unpacked;' and then throwing it on the table I
-fell to upbraiding him with the most bitter language I could invent.
-
-"Whether guilt, or shame, or prudence, restrained him I cannot say;
-but, though he is the most passionate of men, he exerted no rage on
-this occasion. He endeavoured, on the contrary, to pacify me by the
-most gentle means. He swore the phrase in the letter to which I
-principally objected was not his, nor had he ever written any such. He
-owned, indeed, the having mentioned his marriage, and that preference
-which he had given to myself, but denied with many oaths the having
-mentioned any such matter at all on account of the straits he was in
-for money, arising, he said, from his having too long neglected his
-estate in Ireland. And this, he said, which he could not bear to
-discover to me, was the only reason of his having so strenuously
-insisted on our journey. He then used several very endearing
-expressions, and concluded by a very fond caress, and many violent
-protestations of love.
-
-"There was one circumstance which, though he did not appeal to it, had
-much weight with me in his favour, and that was the word jointure in
-the taylor's letter, whereas my aunt never had been married, and this
-Mr Fitzpatrick well knew.----As I imagined, therefore, that the fellow
-must have inserted this of his own head, or from hearsay, I persuaded
-myself he might have ventured likewise on that odious line on no
-better authority. What reasoning was this, my dear? was I not an
-advocate rather than a judge?--But why do I mention such a
-circumstance as this, or appeal to it for the justification of my
-forgiveness?--In short, had he been guilty of twenty times as much,
-half the tenderness and fondness which he used would have prevailed on
-me to have forgiven him. I now made no farther objections to our
-setting out, which we did the next morning, and in a little more than
-a week arrived at the seat of Mr Fitzpatrick.
-
-"Your curiosity will excuse me from relating any occurrences which
-past during our journey; for it would indeed be highly disagreeable to
-travel it over again, and no less so to you to travel it over with me.
-
-"This seat, then, is an ancient mansion-house: if I was in one of
-those merry humours in which you have so often seen me, I could
-describe it to you ridiculously enough. It looked as if it had been
-formerly inhabited by a gentleman. Here was room enough, and not the
-less room on account of the furniture; for indeed there was very
-little in it. An old woman, who seemed coeval with the building, and
-greatly resembled her whom Chamont mentions in the Orphan, received us
-at the gate, and in a howl scarce human, and to me unintelligible,
-welcomed her master home. In short, the whole scene was so gloomy and
-melancholy, that it threw my spirits into the lowest dejection; which
-my husband discerning, instead of relieving, encreased by two or three
-malicious observations. `There are good houses, madam,' says he, `as
-you find, in other places besides England; but perhaps you had rather
-be in a dirty lodgings at Bath.'
-
-"Happy, my dear, is the woman who, in any state of life, hath a
-cheerful good-natured companion to support and comfort her! But why do
-I reflect on happy situations only to aggravate my own misery? my
-companion, far from clearing up the gloom of solitude, soon convinced
-me that I must have been wretched with him in any place, and in any
-condition. In a word, he was a surly fellow, a character perhaps you
-have never seen; for, indeed, no woman ever sees it exemplified but in
-a father, a brother, or a husband; and, though you have a father, he
-is not of that character. This surly fellow had formerly appeared to
-me the very reverse, and so he did still to every other person. Good
-heaven! how is it possible for a man to maintain a constant lie in his
-appearance abroad and in company, and to content himself with shewing
-disagreeable truth only at home? Here, my dear, they make themselves
-amends for the uneasy restraint which they put on their tempers in the
-world; for I have observed, the more merry and gay and good-humoured
-my husband hath at any time been in company, the more sullen and
-morose he was sure to become at our next private meeting. How shall I
-describe his barbarity? To my fondness he was cold and insensible. My
-little comical ways, which you, my Sophy, and which others, have
-called so agreeable, he treated with contempt. In my most serious
-moments he sung and whistled; and whenever I was thoroughly dejected
-and miserable he was angry, and abused me: for, though he was never
-pleased with my good-humour, nor ascribed it to my satisfaction in
-him, yet my low spirits always offended him, and those he imputed to
-my repentance of having (as he said) married an Irishman.
-
-"You will easily conceive, my dear Graveairs (I ask your pardon, I
-really forgot myself), that, when a woman makes an imprudent match in
-the sense of the world, that is, when she is not an arrant prostitute
-to pecuniary interest, she must necessarily have some inclination and
-affection for her man. You will as easily believe that this affection
-may possibly be lessened; nay, I do assure you, contempt will wholly
-eradicate it. This contempt I now began to entertain for my husband,
-whom I now discovered to be--I must use the expression--an arrant
-blockhead. Perhaps you will wonder I did not make this discovery long
-before; but women will suggest a thousand excuses to themselves for
-the folly of those they like: besides, give me leave to tell you, it
-requires a most penetrating eye to discern a fool through the
-disguises of gaiety and good breeding.
-
-"It will be easily imagined that, when I once despised my husband, as
-I confess to you I soon did, I must consequently dislike his company;
-and indeed I had the happiness of being very little troubled with it;
-for our house was now most elegantly furnished, our cellars well
-stocked, and dogs and horses provided in great abundance. As my
-gentleman therefore entertained his neighbours with great hospitality,
-so his neighbours resorted to him with great alacrity; and sports and
-drinking consumed so much of his time, that a small part of his
-conversation, that is to say, of his ill-humours, fell to my share.
-
-"Happy would it have been for me if I could as easily have avoided all
-other disagreeable company; but, alas! I was confined to some which
-constantly tormented me; and the more, as I saw no prospect of being
-relieved from them. These companions were my own racking thoughts,
-which plagued and in a manner haunted me night and day. In this
-situation I past through a scene, the horrors of which can neither be
-painted nor imagined. Think, my dear, figure, if you can, to yourself,
-what I must have undergone. I became a mother by the man I scorned,
-hated, and detested. I went through all the agonies and miseries of a
-lying-in (ten times more painful in such a circumstance than the worst
-labour can be when one endures it for a man one loves) in a desert, or
-rather, indeed, a scene of riot and revel, without a friend, without a
-companion, or without any of those agreeable circumstances which often
-alleviate, and perhaps sometimes more than compensate, the sufferings
-of our sex at that season."
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-In which the mistake of the landlord throws Sophia into a dreadful
-consternation.
-
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick was proceeding in her narrative when she was
-interrupted by the entrance of dinner, greatly to the concern of
-Sophia; for the misfortunes of her friend had raised her anxiety, and
-left her no appetite but what Mrs Fitzpatrick was to satisfy by her
-relation.
-
-The landlord now attended with a plate under his arm, and with the
-same respect in his countenance and address which he would have put on
-had the ladies arrived in a coach and six.
-
-The married lady seemed less affected with her own misfortunes than
-was her cousin; for the former eat very heartily, whereas the latter
-could hardly swallow a morsel. Sophia likewise showed more concern and
-sorrow in her countenance than appeared in the other lady; who, having
-observed these symptoms in her friend, begged her to be comforted,
-saying, "Perhaps all may yet end better than either you or I expect."
-
-Our landlord thought he had now an opportunity to open his mouth, and
-was resolved not to omit it. "I am sorry, madam," cries he, "that your
-ladyship can't eat; for to be sure you must be hungry after so long
-fasting. I hope your ladyship is not uneasy at anything, for, as madam
-there says, all may end better than anybody expects. A gentleman who
-was here just now brought excellent news; and perhaps some folks who
-have given other folks the slip may get to London before they are
-overtaken; and if they do, I make no doubt but they will find people
-who will be very ready to receive them."
-
-All persons under the apprehension of danger convert whatever they see
-and hear into the objects of that apprehension. Sophia therefore
-immediately concluded, from the foregoing speech, that she was known,
-and pursued by her father. She was now struck with the utmost
-consternation, and for a few minutes deprived of the power of speech;
-which she no sooner recovered than she desired the landlord to send
-his servants out of the room, and then, addressing herself to him,
-said, "I perceive, sir, you know who we are; but I beseech you--nay, I
-am convinced, if you have any compassion or goodness, you will not
-betray us."
-
-"I betray your ladyship!" quoth the landlord; "no (and then he swore
-several very hearty oaths); I would sooner be cut into ten thousand
-pieces. I hate all treachery. I! I never betrayed any one in my life
-yet, and I am sure I shall not begin with so sweet a lady as your
-ladyship. All the world would very much blame me if I should, since it
-will be in your ladyship's power so shortly to reward me. My wife can
-witness for me, I knew your ladyship the moment you came into the
-house: I said it was your honour, before I lifted you from your horse,
-and I shall carry the bruises I got in your ladyship's service to the
-grave; but what signified that, as long as I saved your ladyship? To
-be sure some people this morning would have thought of getting a
-reward; but no such thought ever entered into my head. I would sooner
-starve than take any reward for betraying your ladyship."
-
-"I promise you, sir," says Sophia, "if it be ever in my power to
-reward you, you shall not lose by your generosity."
-
-"Alack-a-day, madam!" answered the landlord; "in your ladyship's
-power! Heaven put it as much into your will! I am only afraid your
-honour will forget such a poor man as an innkeeper; but, if your
-ladyship should not, I hope you will remember what reward I
-refused--refused! that is, I would have refused, and to be sure it may
-be called refusing, for I might have had it certainly; and to be sure
-you might have been in some houses;--but, for my part, would not
-methinks for the world have your ladyship wrong me so much as to
-imagine I ever thought of betraying you, even before I heard the good
-news."
-
-"What news, pray?" says Sophia, something eagerly.
-
-"Hath not your ladyship heard it, then?" cries the landlord; "nay,
-like enough, for I heard it only a few minutes ago; and if I had never
-heard it, may the devil fly away with me this instant if I would have
-betrayed your honour! no, if I would, may I--" Here he subjoined
-several dreadful imprecations, which Sophia at last interrupted, and
-begged to know what he meant by the news.--He was going to answer,
-when Mrs Honour came running into the room, all pale and breathless,
-and cried out, "Madam, we are all undone, all ruined, they are come,
-they are come!" These words almost froze up the blood of Sophia; but
-Mrs Fitzpatrick asked Honour who were come?--"Who?" answered she,
-"why, the French; several hundred thousands of them are landed, and we
-shall be all murdered and ravished."
-
-As a miser, who hath, in some well-built city, a cottage, value twenty
-shillings, when at a distance he is alarmed with the news of a fire,
-turns pale and trembles at his loss; but when he finds the beautiful
-palaces only are burnt, and his own cottage remains safe, he comes
-instantly to himself, and smiles at his good fortunes: or as (for we
-dislike something in the former simile) the tender mother, when
-terrified with the apprehension that her darling boy is drowned, is
-struck senseless and almost dead with consternation; but when she is
-told that little master is safe, and the Victory only, with twelve
-hundred brave men, gone to the bottom, life and sense again return,
-maternal fondness enjoys the sudden relief from all its fears, and the
-general benevolence which at another time would have deeply felt the
-dreadful catastrophe, lies fast asleep in her mind;--so Sophia, than
-whom none was more capable of tenderly feeling the general calamity of
-her country, found such immediate satisfaction from the relief of
-those terrors she had of being overtaken by her father, that the
-arrival of the French scarce made any impression on her. She gently
-chid her maid for the fright into which she had thrown her, and said
-"she was glad it was no worse; for that she had feared somebody else
-was come."
-
-"Ay, ay," quoth the landlord, smiling, "her ladyship knows better
-things; she knows the French are our very best friends, and come over
-hither only for our good. They are the people who are to make Old
-England flourish again. I warrant her honour thought the duke was
-coming; and that was enough to put her into a fright. I was going to
-tell your ladyship the news.--His honour's majesty, Heaven bless him,
-hath given the duke the slip, and is marching as fast as he can to
-London, and ten thousand French are landed to join him on the road."
-
-Sophia was not greatly pleased with this news, nor with the gentleman
-who related it; but, as she still imagined he knew her (for she could
-not possibly have any suspicion of the real truth), she durst not show
-any dislike. And now the landlord, having removed the cloth from the
-table, withdrew; but at his departure frequently repeated his hopes of
-being remembered hereafter.
-
-The mind of Sophia was not at all easy under the supposition of being
-known at this house; for she still applied to herself many things
-which the landlord had addressed to Jenny Cameron; she therefore
-ordered her maid to pump out of him by what means he had become
-acquainted with her person, and who had offered him the reward for
-betraying her; she likewise ordered the horses to be in readiness by
-four in the morning, at which hour Mrs Fitzpatrick promised to bear
-her company; and then, composing herself as well as she could, she
-desired that lady to continue her story.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which Mrs Fitzpatrick concludes her history.
-
-
-While Mrs Honour, in pursuance of the commands of her mistress,
-ordered a bowl of punch, and invited my landlord and landlady to
-partake of it, Mrs Fitzpatrick thus went on with her relation.
-
-"Most of the officers who were quartered at a town in our
-neighbourhood were of my husband's acquaintance. Among these there was
-a lieutenant, a very pretty sort of man, and who was married to a
-woman, so agreeable both in her temper and conversation, that from our
-first knowing each other, which was soon after my lying-in, we were
-almost inseparable companions; for I had the good fortune to make
-myself equally agreeable to her.
-
-"The lieutenant, who was neither a sot nor a sportsman, was frequently
-of our parties; indeed he was very little with my husband, and no more
-than good breeding constrained him to be, as he lived almost
-constantly at our house. My husband often expressed much
-dissatisfaction at the lieutenant's preferring my company to his; he
-was very angry with me on that account, and gave me many a hearty
-curse for drawing away his companions; saying, `I ought to be d--n'd
-for having spoiled one of the prettiest fellows in the world, by
-making a milksop of him.'
-
-"You will be mistaken, my dear Sophia, if you imagine that the anger
-of my husband arose from my depriving him of a companion; for the
-lieutenant was not a person with whose society a fool could be
-pleased; and, if I should admit the possibility of this, so little
-right had my husband to place the loss of his companion to me, that I
-am convinced it was my conversation alone which induced him ever to
-come to the house. No, child, it was envy, the worst and most
-rancorous kind of envy, the envy of superiority of understanding. The
-wretch could not bear to see my conversation preferred to his, by a
-man of whom he could not entertain the least jealousy. O my dear
-Sophy, you are a woman of sense; if you marry a man, as is most
-probable you will, of less capacity than yourself, make frequent
-trials of his temper before marriage, and see whether he can bear to
-submit to such a superiority.--Promise me, Sophy, you will take this
-advice; for you will hereafter find its importance." "It is very
-likely I shall never marry at all," answered Sophia; "I think, at
-least, I shall never marry a man in whose understanding I see any
-defects before marriage; and I promise you I would rather give up my
-own than see any such afterwards." "Give up your understanding!"
-replied Mrs Fitzpatrick; "oh, fie, child! I will not believe so meanly
-of you. Everything else I might myself be brought to give up; but
-never this. Nature would not have allotted this superiority to the
-wife in so many instances, if she had intended we should all of us
-have surrendered it to the husband. This, indeed, men of sense never
-expect of us; of which the lieutenant I have just mentioned was one
-notable example; for though he had a very good understanding, he
-always acknowledged (as was really true) that his wife had a better.
-And this, perhaps, was one reason of the hatred my tyrant bore her.
-
-"Before he would be so governed by a wife, he said, especially such an
-ugly b-- (for, indeed, she was not a regular beauty, but very
-agreeable and extremely genteel), he would see all the women upon
-earth at the devil, which was a very usual phrase with him. He said,
-he wondered what I could see in her to be so charmed with her company:
-since this woman, says he, hath come among us, there is an end of your
-beloved reading, which you pretended to like so much, that you could
-not afford time to return the visits of the ladies in this country;
-and I must confess I had been guilty of a little rudeness this way;
-for the ladies there are at least no better than the mere country
-ladies here; and I think I need make no other excuse to you for
-declining any intimacy with them.
-
-"This correspondence, however, continued a whole year, even all the
-while the lieutenant was quartered in that town; for which I was
-contented to pay the tax of being constantly abused in the manner
-above mentioned by my husband; I mean when he was at home; for he was
-frequently absent a month at a time at Dublin, and once made a journey
-of two months to London: in all which journeys I thought it a very
-singular happiness that he never once desired my company; nay, by his
-frequent censures on men who could not travel, as he phrased it,
-without a wife tied up to their tail, he sufficiently intimated that,
-had I been never so desirous of accompanying him, my wishes would have
-been in vain; but, Heaven knows, such wishes were very far from my
-thoughts.
-
-"At length my friend was removed from me, and I was again left to my
-solitude, to the tormenting conversation with my own reflections, and
-to apply to books for my only comfort. I now read almost all day long.
-How many books do you think I read in three months?" "I can't guess,
-indeed, cousin," answered Sophia. "Perhaps half a score." "Half a
-score! half a thousand, child!" answered the other. "I read a good
-deal in Daniel's English History of France; a great deal in Plutarch's
-Lives, the Atalantis, Pope's Homer, Dryden's Plays, Chillingworth, the
-Countess D'Aulnois, and Locke's Human Understanding.
-
-"During this interval I wrote three very supplicating, and, I thought,
-moving letters to my aunt; but, as I received no answer to any of
-them, my disdain would not suffer me to continue my application." Here
-she stopt, and, looking earnestly at Sophia, said, "Methinks, my dear,
-I read something in your eyes which reproaches me of a neglect in
-another place, where I should have met with a kinder return." "Indeed,
-dear Harriet," answered Sophia, "your story is an apology for any
-neglect; but, indeed, I feel that I have been guilty of a remissness,
-without so good an excuse.--Yet pray proceed; for I long, though I
-tremble, to hear the end."
-
-Thus, then, Mrs Fitzpatrick resumed her narrative:--"My husband now
-took a second journey to England, where he continued upwards of three
-months; during the greater part of this time I led a life which
-nothing but having led a worse could make me think tolerable; for
-perfect solitude can never be reconciled to a social mind, like mine,
-but when it relieves you from the company of those you hate. What
-added to my wretchedness was the loss of my little infant: not that I
-pretend to have had for it that extravagant tenderness of which I
-believe I might have been capable under other circumstances; but I
-resolved, in every instance, to discharge the duty of the tenderest
-mother; and this care prevented me from feeling the weight of that
-heaviest of all things, when it can be at all said to lie heavy on our
-hands.
-
-"I had spent full ten weeks almost entirely by myself, having seen
-nobody all that time, except my servants and a very few visitors, when
-a young lady, a relation to my husband, came from a distant part of
-Ireland to visit me. She had staid once before a week at my house, and
-then I gave her a pressing invitation to return; for she was a very
-agreeable woman, and had improved good natural parts by a proper
-education. Indeed, she was to me a welcome guest.
-
-"A few days after her arrival, perceiving me in very low spirits,
-without enquiring the cause, which, indeed, she very well knew, the
-young lady fell to compassionating my case. She said, `Though
-politeness had prevented me from complaining to my husband's relations
-of his behaviour, yet they all were very sensible of it, and felt
-great concern upon that account; but none more than herself.' And
-after some more general discourse on this head, which I own I could
-not forbear countenancing, at last, after much previous precaution and
-enjoined concealment, she communicated to me, as a profound
-secret--that my husband kept a mistress.
-
-"You will certainly imagine I heard this news with the utmost
-insensibility--Upon my word, if you do, your imagination will mislead
-you. Contempt had not so kept down my anger to my husband, but that
-hatred rose again on this occasion. What can be the reason of this?
-Are we so abominably selfish, that we can be concerned at others
-having possession even of what we despise? Or are we not rather
-abominably vain, and is not this the greatest injury done to our
-vanity? What think you, Sophia?"
-
-"I don't know, indeed," answered Sophia; "I have never troubled myself
-with any of these deep contemplations; but I think the lady did very
-ill in communicating to you such a secret."
-
-"And yet, my dear, this conduct is natural," replied Mrs Fitzpatrick;
-"and, when you have seen and read as much as myself, you will
-acknowledge it to be so."
-
-"I am sorry to hear it is natural," returned Sophia; "for I want
-neither reading nor experience to convince me that it is very
-dishonourable and very ill-natured: nay, it is surely as ill-bred to
-tell a husband or wife of the faults of each other as to tell them of
-their own."
-
-"Well," continued Mrs Fitzpatrick, "my husband at last returned; and,
-if I am thoroughly acquainted with my own thoughts, I hated him now
-more than ever; but I despised him rather less: for certainly nothing
-so much weakens our contempt, as an injury done to our pride or our
-vanity.
-
-"He now assumed a carriage to me so very different from what he had
-lately worn, and so nearly resembling his behaviour the first week of
-our marriage, that, had I now had any spark of love remaining, he
-might, possibly, have rekindled my fondness for him. But, though
-hatred may succeed to contempt, and may perhaps get the better of it,
-love, I believe, cannot. The truth is, the passion of love is too
-restless to remain contented without the gratification which it
-receives from its object; and one can no more be inclined to love
-without loving than we can have eyes without seeing. When a husband,
-therefore, ceases to be the object of this passion, it is most
-probable some other man--I say, my dear, if your husband grows
-indifferent to you--if you once come to despise him--I say--that
-is--if you have the passion of love in you--Lud! I have bewildered
-myself so--but one is apt, in these abstracted considerations, to lose
-the concatenation of ideas, as Mr Locke says:--in short, the truth
-is--in short, I scarce know what it is; but, as I was saying, my
-husband returned, and his behaviour, at first, greatly surprized me;
-but he soon acquainted me with the motive, and taught me to account
-for it. In a word, then, he had spent and lost all the ready money of
-my fortune; and, as he could mortgage his own estate no deeper, he was
-now desirous to supply himself with cash for his extravagance, by
-selling a little estate of mine, which he could not do without my
-assistance; and to obtain this favour was the whole and sole motive of
-all the fondness which he now put on.
-
-"With this I peremptorily refused to comply. I told him, and I told
-him truly, that, had I been possessed of the Indies at our first
-marriage, he might have commanded it all; for it had been a constant
-maxim with me, that where a woman disposes of her heart, she should
-always deposit her fortune; but, as he had been so kind, long ago, to
-restore the former into my possession, I was resolved likewise to
-retain what little remained of the latter.
-
-"I will not describe to you the passion into which these words, and
-the resolute air in which they were spoken, threw him: nor will I
-trouble you with the whole scene which succeeded between us. Out came,
-you may be well assured, the story of the mistress; and out it did
-come, with all the embellishments which anger and disdain could bestow
-upon it.
-
-"Mr Fitzpatrick seemed a little thunderstruck with this, and more
-confused than I had seen him, though his ideas are always confused
-enough, heaven knows. He did not, however, endeavour to exculpate
-himself; but took a method which almost equally confounded me. What
-was this but recrimination? He affected to be jealous:--he may, for
-aught I know, be inclined enough to jealousy in his natural temper;
-nay, he must have had it from nature, or the devil must have put it
-into his head; for I defy all the world to cast a just aspersion on my
-character: nay, the most scandalous tongues have never dared censure
-my reputation. My fame, I thank heaven, hath been always as spotless
-as my life; and let falsehood itself accuse that if it dare. No, my
-dear Graveairs, however provoked, however ill-treated, however injured
-in my love, I have firmly resolved never to give the least room for
-censure on this account.--And yet, my dear, there are some people so
-malicious, some tongues so venomous, that no innocence can escape
-them. The most undesigned word, the most accidental look, the least
-familiarity, the most innocent freedom, will be misconstrued, and
-magnified into I know not what, by some people. But I despise, my dear
-Graveairs, I despise all such slander. No such malice, I assure you,
-ever gave me an uneasy moment. No, no, I promise you I am above all
-that.--But where was I? O let me see, I told you my husband was
-jealous--And of whom, I pray?--Why, of whom but the lieutenant I
-mentioned to you before! He was obliged to resort above a year and
-more back to find any object for this unaccountable passion, if,
-indeed, he really felt any such, and was not an arrant counterfeit in
-order to abuse me.
-
-"But I have tired you already with too many particulars. I will now
-bring my story to a very speedy conclusion. In short, then, after many
-scenes very unworthy to be repeated, in which my cousin engaged so
-heartily on my side, that Mr Fitzpatrick at last turned her out of
-doors; when he found I was neither to be soothed nor bullied into
-compliance, he took a very violent method indeed. Perhaps you will
-conclude he beat me; but this, though he hath approached very near to
-it, he never actually did. He confined me to my room, without
-suffering me to have either pen, ink, paper, or book: and a servant
-every day made my bed, and brought me my food.
-
-"When I had remained a week under this imprisonment, he made me a
-visit, and, with the voice of a schoolmaster, or, what is often much
-the same, of a tyrant, asked me, `If I would yet comply?' I answered,
-very stoutly, `That I would die first.' `Then so you shall, and be
-d--nd!' cries he; `for you shall never go alive out of this room.'
-
-"Here I remained a fortnight longer; and, to say the truth, my
-constancy was almost subdued, and I began to think of submission;
-when, one day, in the absence of my husband, who was gone abroad for
-some short time, by the greatest good fortune in the world, an
-accident happened.--I--at a time when I began to give way to the
-utmost despair----everything would be excusable at such a time--at
-that very time I received----But it would take up an hour to tell you
-all particulars.--In one word, then (for I will not tire you with
-circumstances), gold, the common key to all padlocks, opened my door,
-and set me at liberty.
-
-"I now made haste to Dublin, where I immediately procured a passage to
-England; and was proceeding to Bath, in order to throw myself into the
-protection of my aunt, or of your father, or of any relation who would
-afford it me. My husband overtook me last night at the inn where I
-lay, and which you left a few minutes before me; but I had the good
-luck to escape him, and to follow you.
-
-"And thus, my dear, ends my history: a tragical one, I am sure, it is
-to myself; but, perhaps, I ought rather to apologize to you for its
-dullness."
-
-Sophia heaved a deep sigh, and answered, "Indeed, Harriet, I pity you
-from my soul!----But what could you expect? Why, why, would you marry
-an Irishman?"
-
-"Upon my word," replied her cousin, "your censure is unjust. There
-are, among the Irish, men of as much worth and honour as any among the
-English: nay, to speak the truth, generosity of spirit is rather more
-common among them. I have known some examples there, too, of good
-husbands; and I believe these are not very plenty in England. Ask me,
-rather, what I could expect when I married a fool; and I will tell you
-a solemn truth; I did not know him to be so."--"Can no man," said
-Sophia, in a very low and altered voice, "do you think, make a bad
-husband, who is not a fool?" "That," answered the other, "is too
-general a negative; but none, I believe, is so likely as a fool to
-prove so. Among my acquaintance, the silliest fellows are the worst
-husbands; and I will venture to assert, as a fact, that a man of sense
-rarely behaves very ill to a wife who deserves very well."
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-A dreadful alarm in the inn, with the arrival of an unexpected friend
-of Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-
-Sophia now, at the desire of her cousin, related--not what follows,
-but what hath gone before in this history: for which reason the reader
-will, I suppose, excuse me for not repeating it over again.
-
-One remark, however, I cannot forbear making on her narrative, namely,
-that she made no more mention of Jones, from the beginning to the end,
-than if there had been no such person alive. This I will neither
-endeavour to account for nor to excuse. Indeed, if this may be called
-a kind of dishonesty, it seems the more inexcusable, from the apparent
-openness and explicit sincerity of the other lady.--But so it was.
-
-Just as Sophia arrived at the conclusion of her story, there arrived
-in the room where the two ladies were sitting a noise, not unlike, in
-loudness, to that of a pack of hounds just let out from their kennel;
-nor, in shrillness, to cats, when caterwauling; or to screech owls;
-or, indeed, more like (for what animal can resemble a human voice?) to
-those sounds which, in the pleasant mansions of that gate which seems
-to derive its name from a duplicity of tongues, issue from the mouths,
-and sometimes from the nostrils, of those fair river nymphs, ycleped
-of old the Naïades; in the vulgar tongue translated oyster-wenches;
-for when, instead of the antient libations of milk and honey and oil,
-the rich distillation from the juniper-berry, or, perhaps, from malt,
-hath, by the early devotion of their votaries, been poured forth in
-great abundance, should any daring tongue with unhallowed license
-prophane, _i.e._, depreciate, the delicate fat Milton oyster, the
-plaice sound and firm, the flounder as much alive as when in the
-water, the shrimp as big as a prawn, the fine cod alive but a few
-hours ago, or any other of the various treasures which those
-water-deities who fish the sea and rivers have committed to the care
-of the nymphs, the angry Naïades lift up their immortal voices, and
-the prophane wretch is struck deaf for his impiety.
-
-Such was the noise which now burst from one of the rooms below; and
-soon the thunder, which long had rattled at a distance, began to
-approach nearer and nearer, till, having ascended by degrees upstairs,
-it at last entered the apartment where the ladies were. In short, to
-drop all metaphor and figure, Mrs Honour, having scolded violently
-below-stairs, and continued the same all the way up, came in to her
-mistress in a most outrageous passion, crying out, "What doth your
-ladyship think? Would you imagine that this impudent villain, the
-master of this house, hath had the impudence to tell me, nay, to stand
-it out to my face, that your ladyship is that nasty, stinking wh--re
-(Jenny Cameron they call her), that runs about the country with the
-Pretender? Nay, the lying, saucy villain had the assurance to tell me
-that your ladyship had owned yourself to be so; but I have clawed the
-rascal; I have left the marks of my nails in his impudent face. My
-lady! says I, you saucy scoundrel; my lady is meat for no pretenders.
-She is a young lady of as good fashion, and family, and fortune, as
-any in Somersetshire. Did you never hear of the great Squire Western,
-sirrah? She is his only daughter; she is----, and heiress to all his
-great estate. My lady to be called a nasty Scotch wh--re by such a
-varlet!--To be sure I wish I had knocked his brains out with the
-punch-bowl."
-
-The principal uneasiness with which Sophia was affected on this
-occasion Honour had herself caused, by having in her passion
-discovered who she was. However, as this mistake of the landlord
-sufficiently accounted for those passages which Sophia had before
-mistaken, she acquired some ease on that account; nor could she, upon
-the whole, forbear smiling. This enraged Honour, and she cried,
-"Indeed, madam, I did not think your ladyship would have made a
-laughing matter of it. To be called whore by such an impudent low
-rascal. Your ladyship may be angry with me, for aught I know, for
-taking your part, since proffered service, they say, stinks; but to be
-sure I could never bear to hear a lady of mine called whore.--Nor will
-I bear it. I am sure your ladyship is as virtuous a lady as ever sat
-foot on English ground, and I will claw any villain's eyes out who
-dares for to offer to presume for to say the least word to the
-contrary. Nobody ever could say the least ill of the character of any
-lady that ever I waited upon."
-
-_Hinc illae lachrymae;_ in plain truth, Honour had as much love for
-her mistress as most servants have, that is to say--But besides this,
-her pride obliged her to support the character of the lady she waited
-on; for she thought her own was in a very close manner connected with
-it. In proportion as the character of her mistress was raised, hers
-likewise, as she conceived, was raised with it; and, on the contrary,
-she thought the one could not be lowered without the other.
-
-On this subject, reader, I must stop a moment, to tell thee a story.
-"The famous Nell Gwynn, stepping one day, from a house where she had
-made a short visit, into her coach, saw a great mob assembled, and her
-footman all bloody and dirty; the fellow, being asked by his mistress
-the reason of his being in that condition, answered, `I have been
-fighting, madam, with an impudent rascal who called your ladyship a
-wh--re.' `You blockhead,' replied Mrs Gwynn, `at this rate you must
-fight every day of your life; why, you fool, all the world knows it.'
-`Do they?' cries the fellow, in a muttering voice, after he had shut
-the coach-door, `they shan't call me a whore's footman for all that.'"
-
-Thus the passion of Mrs Honour appears natural enough, even if it were
-to be no otherwise accounted for; but, in reality, there was another
-cause of her anger; for which we must beg leave to remind our reader
-of a circumstance mentioned in the above simile. There are indeed
-certain liquors, which, being applied to our passions, or to fire,
-produce effects the very reverse of those produced by water, as they
-serve to kindle and inflame, rather than to extinguish. Among these,
-the generous liquor called punch is one. It was not, therefore,
-without reason, that the learned Dr Cheney used to call drinking punch
-pouring liquid fire down your throat.
-
-Now, Mrs Honour had unluckily poured so much of this liquid fire down
-her throat, that the smoke of it began to ascend into her pericranium
-and blinded the eyes of Reason, which is there supposed to keep her
-residence, while the fire itself from the stomach easily reached the
-heart, and there inflamed the noble passion of pride. So that, upon
-the whole, we shall cease to wonder at the violent rage of the
-waiting-woman; though at first sight we must confess the cause seems
-inadequate to the effect.
-
-Sophia and her cousin both did all in their power to extinguish these
-flames which had roared so loudly all over the house. They at length
-prevailed; or, to carry the metaphor one step farther, the fire,
-having consumed all the fuel which the language affords, to wit, every
-reproachful term in it, at last went out of its own accord.
-
-But, though tranquillity was restored above-stairs, it was not so
-below; where my landlady, highly resenting the injury done to the
-beauty of her husband by the flesh-spades of Mrs Honour, called aloud
-for revenge and justice. As to the poor man, who had principally
-suffered in the engagement, he was perfectly quiet. Perhaps the blood
-which he lost might have cooled his anger: for the enemy had not only
-applied her nails to his cheeks, but likewise her fist to his
-nostrils, which lamented the blow with tears of blood in great
-abundance. To this we may add reflections on his mistake; but indeed
-nothing so effectually silenced his resentment as the manner in which
-he now discovered his error; for as to the behaviour of Mrs Honour, it
-had the more confirmed him in his opinion; but he was now assured by a
-person of great figure, and who was attended by a great equipage, that
-one of the ladies was a woman of fashion, and his intimate
-acquaintance.
-
-By the orders of this person, the landlord now ascended, and
-acquainted our fair travellers that a great gentleman below desired to
-do them the honour of waiting on them. Sophia turned pale and trembled
-at this message, though the reader will conclude it was too civil,
-notwithstanding the landlord's blunder, to have come from her father;
-but fear hath the common fault of a justice of peace, and is apt to
-conclude hastily from every slight circumstance, without examining the
-evidence on both sides.
-
-To ease the reader's curiosity, therefore, rather than his
-apprehensions, we proceed to inform him that an Irish peer had arrived
-very late that evening at the inn, in his way to London. This
-nobleman, having sallied from his supper at the hurricane before
-commemorated, had seen the attendant of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and upon a
-short enquiry, was informed that her lady, with whom he was very
-particularly acquainted, was above. This information he had no sooner
-received than he addressed himself to the landlord, pacified him, and
-sent him upstairs with compliments rather civiller than those which
-were delivered.
-
-It may perhaps be wondered at that the waiting-woman herself was not
-the messenger employed on this occasion; but we are sorry to say she
-was not at present qualified for that, or indeed for any other office.
-The rum (for so the landlord chose to call the distillation from malt)
-had basely taken the advantage of the fatigue which the poor woman had
-undergone, and had made terrible depredations on her noble faculties,
-at a time when they were very unable to resist the attack.
-
-We shall not describe this tragical scene too fully; but we thought
-ourselves obliged, by that historic integrity which we profess,
-shortly to hint a matter which we would otherwise have been glad to
-have spared. Many historians, indeed, for want of this integrity, or
-of diligence, to say no worse, often leave the reader to find out
-these little circumstances in the dark, and sometimes to his great
-confusion and perplexity.
-
-Sophia was very soon eased of her causeless fright by the entry of the
-noble peer, who was not only an intimate acquaintance of Mrs
-Fitzpatrick, but in reality a very particular friend of that lady. To
-say truth, it was by his assistance that she had been enabled to
-escape from her husband; for this nobleman had the same gallant
-disposition with those renowned knights of whom we read in heroic
-story, and had delivered many an imprisoned nymph from durance. He was
-indeed as bitter an enemy to the savage authority too often exercised
-by husbands and fathers, over the young and lovely of the other sex,
-as ever knight-errant was to the barbarous power of enchanters; nay,
-to say truth, I have often suspected that those very enchanters with
-which romance everywhere abounds were in reality no other than the
-husbands of those days; and matrimony itself was, perhaps, the
-enchanted castle in which the nymphs were said to be confined.
-
-This nobleman had an estate in the neighbourhood of Fitzpatrick, and
-had been for some time acquainted with the lady. No sooner, therefore,
-did he hear of her confinement, than he earnestly applied himself to
-procure her liberty; which he presently effected, not by storming the
-castle, according to the example of antient heroes, but by corrupting
-the governor, in conformity with the modern art of war, in which craft
-is held to be preferable to valour, and gold is found to be more
-irresistible than either lead or steel.
-
-This circumstance, however, as the lady did not think it material
-enough to relate to her friend, we would not at that time impart it to
-the reader. We rather chose to leave him a while under a supposition
-that she had found, or coined, or by some very extraordinary, perhaps
-supernatural means, had possessed herself of the money with which she
-had bribed her keeper, than to interrupt her narrative by giving a
-hint of what seemed to her of too little importance to be mentioned.
-
-The peer, after a short conversation, could not forbear expressing
-some surprize at meeting the lady in that place; nor could he refrain
-from telling her he imagined she had been gone to Bath. Mrs
-Fitzpatrick very freely answered, "That she had been prevented in her
-purpose by the arrival of a person she need not mention. In short,"
-says she, "I was overtaken by my husband (for I need not affect to
-conceal what the world knows too well already). I had the good fortune
-to escape in a most surprizing manner, and am now going to London with
-this young lady, who is a near relation of mine, and who hath escaped
-from as great a tyrant as my own."
-
-His lordship, concluding that this tyrant was likewise a husband, made
-a speech full of compliments to both the ladies, and as full of
-invectives against his own sex; nor indeed did he avoid some oblique
-glances at the matrimonial institution itself, and at the unjust
-powers given by it to man over the more sensible and more meritorious
-part of the species. He ended his oration with an offer of his
-protection, and of his coach and six, which was instantly accepted by
-Mrs Fitzpatrick, and at last, upon her persuasions, by Sophia.
-
-Matters being thus adjusted, his lordship took his leave, and the
-ladies retired to rest, where Mrs Fitzpatrick entertained her cousin
-with many high encomiums on the character of the noble peer, and
-enlarged very particularly on his great fondness for his wife; saying,
-she believed he was almost the only person of high rank who was
-entirely constant to the marriage bed. "Indeed," added she, "my dear
-Sophy, that is a very rare virtue amongst men of condition. Never
-expect it when you marry; for, believe me, if you do, you will
-certainly be deceived."
-
-A gentle sigh stole from Sophia at these words, which perhaps
-contributed to form a dream of no very pleasant kind; but, as she
-never revealed this dream to any one, so the reader cannot expect to
-see it related here.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-The morning introduced in some pretty writing. A stagecoach. The
-civility of chambermaids. The heroic temper of Sophia. Her generosity.
-The return to it. The departure of the company, and their arrival at
-London; with some remarks for the use of travellers.
-
-
-Those members of society who are born to furnish the blessings of life
-now began to light their candles, in order to pursue their daily
-labours for the use of those who are born to enjoy these blessings.
-The sturdy hind now attends the levee of his fellow-labourer the ox;
-the cunning artificer, the diligent mechanic, spring from their hard
-mattress; and now the bonny housemaid begins to repair the disordered
-drum-room, while the riotous authors of that disorder, in broken
-interrupted slumbers, tumble and toss, as if the hardness of down
-disquieted their repose.
-
-In simple phrase, the clock had no sooner struck seven than the ladies
-were ready for their journey; and, at their desire, his lordship and
-his equipage were prepared to attend them.
-
-And now a matter of some difficulty arose; and this was how his
-lordship himself should be conveyed; for though in stage-coaches,
-where passengers are properly considered as so much luggage, the
-ingenious coachman stows half a dozen with perfect ease into the place
-of four; for well he contrives that the fat hostess, or well-fed
-alderman, may take up no more room than the slim miss, or taper
-master; it being the nature of guts, when well squeezed, to give way,
-and to lie in a narrow compass; yet in these vehicles, which are
-called, for distinction's sake, gentlemen's coaches, though they are
-often larger than the others, this method of packing is never
-attempted.
-
-His lordship would have put a short end to the difficulty, by very
-gallantly desiring to mount his horse; but Mrs Fitzpatrick would by no
-means consent to it. It was therefore concluded that the Abigails
-should, by turns, relieve each other on one of his lordship's horses,
-which was presently equipped with a side-saddle for that purpose.
-
-Everything being settled at the inn, the ladies discharged their
-former guides, and Sophia made a present to the landlord, partly to
-repair the bruise which he had received under herself, and partly on
-account of what he had suffered under the hands of her enraged
-waiting-woman. And now Sophia first discovered a loss which gave her
-some uneasiness; and this was of the hundred-pound bank-bill which her
-father had given her at their last meeting; and which, within a very
-inconsiderable trifle, was all the treasure she was at present worth.
-She searched everywhere, and shook and tumbled all her things to no
-purpose, the bill was not to be found: and she was at last fully
-persuaded that she had lost it from her pocket when she had the
-misfortune of tumbling from her horse in the dark lane, as before
-recorded: a fact that seemed the more probable, as she now recollected
-some discomposure in her pockets which had happened at that time, and
-the great difficulty with which she had drawn forth her handkerchief
-the very instant before her fall, in order to relieve the distress of
-Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-Misfortunes of this kind, whatever inconveniencies they may be
-attended with, are incapable of subduing a mind in which there is any
-strength, without the assistance of avarice. Sophia, therefore, though
-nothing could be worse timed than this accident at such a season,
-immediately got the better of her concern, and, with her wonted
-serenity and cheerfulness of countenance, returned to her company. His
-lordship conducted the ladies into the vehicle, as he did likewise Mrs
-Honour, who, after many civilities, and more dear madams, at last
-yielded to the well-bred importunities of her sister Abigail, and
-submitted to be complimented with the first ride in the coach; in
-which indeed she would afterwards have been contented to have pursued
-her whole journey, had not her mistress, after several fruitless
-intimations, at length forced her to take her turn on horseback.
-
-The coach, now having received its company, began to move forwards,
-attended by many servants, and led by two captains, who had before
-rode with his lordship, and who would have been dismissed from the
-vehicle upon a much less worthy occasion than was this of
-accommodating two ladies. In this they acted only as gentlemen; but
-they were ready at any time to have performed the office of a footman,
-or indeed would have condescended lower, for the honour of his
-lordship's company, and for the convenience of his table.
-
-My landlord was so pleased with the present he had received from
-Sophia, that he rather rejoiced in than regretted his bruise or his
-scratches. The reader will perhaps be curious to know the _quantum_ of
-this present; but we cannot satisfy his curiosity. Whatever it was, it
-satisfied the landlord for his bodily hurt; but he lamented he had not
-known before how little the lady valued her money; "For to be sure,"
-says he, "one might have charged every article double, and she would
-have made no cavil at the reckoning."
-
-His wife, however, was far from drawing this conclusion; whether she
-really felt any injury done to her husband more than he did himself, I
-will not say: certain it is, she was much less satisfied with the
-generosity of Sophia. "Indeed," cries she, "my dear, the lady knows
-better how to dispose of her money than you imagine. She might very
-well think we should not put up such a business without some
-satisfaction, and the law would have cost her an infinite deal more
-than this poor little matter, which I wonder you would take." "You are
-always so bloodily wise," quoth the husband: "it would have cost her
-more, would it? dost fancy I don't know that as well as thee? but
-would any of that more, or so much, have come into our pockets?
-Indeed, if son Tom the lawyer had been alive, I could have been glad
-to have put such a pretty business into his hands. He would have got a
-good picking out of it; but I have no relation now who is a lawyer,
-and why should I go to law for the benefit of strangers?" "Nay, to be
-sure," answered she, "you must know best." "I believe I do," replied
-he. "I fancy, when money is to be got, I can smell it out as well as
-another. Everybody, let me tell you, would not have talked people out
-of this. Mind that, I say; everybody would not have cajoled this out
-of her, mind that." The wife then joined in the applause of her
-husband's sagacity; and thus ended the short dialogue between them on
-this occasion.
-
-We will therefore take our leave of these good people, and attend his
-lordship and his fair companions, who made such good expedition that
-they performed a journey of ninety miles in two days, and on the
-second evening arrived in London, without having encountered any one
-adventure on the road worthy the dignity of this history to relate.
-Our pen, therefore, shall imitate the expedition which it describes,
-and our history shall keep pace with the travellers who are its
-subject. Good writers will, indeed, do well to imitate the ingenious
-traveller in this instance, who always proportions his stay at any
-place to the beauties, elegancies, and curiosities which it affords.
-At Eshur, at Stowe, at Wilton, at Eastbury, and at Prior's Park, days
-are too short for the ravished imagination; while we admire the
-wondrous power of art in improving nature. In some of these, art
-chiefly engages our admiration; in others, nature and art contend for
-our applause; but, in the last, the former seems to triumph. Here
-Nature appears in her richest attire, and Art, dressed with the
-modestest simplicity, attends her benignant mistress. Here Nature
-indeed pours forth the choicest treasures which she hath lavished on
-this world; and here human nature presents you with an object which
-can be exceeded only in the other.
-
-The same taste, the same imagination, which luxuriously riots in these
-elegant scenes, can be amused with objects of far inferior note. The
-woods, the rivers, the lawns of Devon and of Dorset, attract the eye
-of the ingenious traveller, and retard his pace, which delay he
-afterwards compensates by swiftly scouring over the gloomy heath of
-Bagshot, or that pleasant plain which extends itself westward from
-Stockbridge, where no other object than one single tree only in
-sixteen miles presents itself to the view, unless the clouds, in
-compassion to our tired spirits, kindly open their variegated mansions
-to our prospect.
-
-Not so travels the money-meditating tradesman, the sagacious justice,
-the dignified doctor, the warm-clad grazier, with all the numerous
-offspring of wealth and dulness. On they jog, with equal pace, through
-the verdant meadows or over the barren heath, their horses measuring
-four miles and a half per hour with the utmost exactness; the eyes of
-the beast and of his master being alike directed forwards, and
-employed in contemplating the same objects in the same manner. With
-equal rapture the good rider surveys the proudest boasts of the
-architect, and those fair buildings with which some unknown name hath
-adorned the rich cloathing town; where heaps of bricks are piled up as
-a kind of monument to show that heaps of money have been piled there
-before.
-
-And now, reader, as we are in haste to attend our heroine, we will
-leave to thy sagacity to apply all this to the Boeotian writers, and
-to those authors who are their opposites. This thou wilt be abundantly
-able to perform without our aid. Bestir thyself therefore on this
-occasion; for, though we will always lend thee proper assistance in
-difficult places, as we do not, like some others, expect thee to use
-the arts of divination to discover our meaning, yet we shall not
-indulge thy laziness where nothing but thy own attention is required;
-for thou art highly mistaken if thou dost imagine that we intended,
-when we began this great work, to leave thy sagacity nothing to do; or
-that, without sometimes exercising this talent, thou wilt be able to
-travel through our pages with any pleasure or profit to thyself.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-Containing a hint or two concerning virtue, and a few more concerning
-suspicion.
-
-
-Our company, being arrived at London, were set down at his lordship's
-house, where, while they refreshed themselves after the fatigue of
-their journey, servants were despatched to provide a lodging for the
-two ladies; for, as her ladyship was not then in town, Mrs Fitzpatrick
-would by no means consent to accept a bed in the mansion of the peer.
-
-Some readers will, perhaps, condemn this extraordinary delicacy, as I
-may call it, of virtue, as too nice and scrupulous; but we must make
-allowances for her situation, which must be owned to have been very
-ticklish; and, when we consider the malice of censorious tongues, we
-must allow, if it was a fault, the fault was an excess on the right
-side, and which every woman who is in the self-same situation will do
-well to imitate. The most formal appearance of virtue, when it is only
-an appearance, may, perhaps, in very abstracted considerations, seem
-to be rather less commendable than virtue itself without this
-formality; but it will, however, be always more commended; and this, I
-believe, will be granted by all, that it is necessary, unless in some
-very particular cases, for every woman to support either the one or
-the other.
-
-A lodging being prepared, Sophia accompanied her cousin for that
-evening; but resolved early in the morning to enquire after the lady
-into whose protection, as we have formerly mentioned, she had
-determined to throw herself when she quitted her father's house. And
-this she was the more eager in doing from some observations she had
-made during her journey in the coach.
-
-Now, as we would by no means fix the odious character of suspicion on
-Sophia, we are almost afraid to open to our reader the conceits which
-filled her mind concerning Mrs Fitzpatrick; of whom she certainly
-entertained at present some doubts; which, as they are very apt to
-enter into the bosoms of the worst of people, we think proper not to
-mention more plainly till we have first suggested a word or two to our
-reader touching suspicion in general.
-
-Of this there have always appeared to me to be two degrees. The first
-of these I chuse to derive from the heart, as the extreme velocity of
-its discernment seems to denote some previous inward impulse, and the
-rather as this superlative degree often forms its own objects; sees
-what is not, and always more than really exists. This is that
-quick-sighted penetration whose hawk's eyes no symptom of evil can
-escape; which observes not only upon the actions, but upon the words
-and looks, of men; and, as it proceeds from the heart of the observer,
-so it dives into the heart of the observed, and there espies evil, as
-it were, in the first embryo; nay, sometimes before it can be said to
-be conceived. An admirable faculty, if it were infallible; but, as this
-degree of perfection is not even claimed by more than one mortal being;
-so from the fallibility of such acute discernment have arisen many sad
-mischiefs and most grievous heart-aches to innocence and virtue. I
-cannot help, therefore, regarding this vast quick-sightedness into evil
-as a vicious excess, and as a very pernicious evil in itself. And I am
-the more inclined to this opinion, as I am afraid it always proceeds
-from a bad heart, for the reasons I have above mentioned, and for one
-more, namely, because I never knew it the property of a good one. Now,
-from this degree of suspicion I entirely and absolutely acquit Sophia.
-
-A second degree of this quality seems to arise from the head. This is,
-indeed, no other than the faculty of seeing what is before your eyes,
-and of drawing conclusions from what you see. The former of these is
-unavoidable by those who have any eyes, and the latter is perhaps no
-less certain and necessary a consequence of our having any brains.
-This is altogether as bitter an enemy to guilt as the former is to
-innocence: nor can I see it in an unamiable light, even though,
-through human fallibility, it should be sometimes mistaken. For
-instance, if a husband should accidentally surprize his wife in the
-lap or in the embraces of some of those pretty young gentlemen who
-profess the art of cuckold-making, I should not highly, I think, blame
-him for concluding something more than what he saw, from the
-familiarities which he really had seen, and which we are at least
-favourable enough to when we call them innocent freedoms. The reader
-will easily suggest great plenty of instances to himself; I shall add
-but one more, which, however unchristian it may be thought by some, I
-cannot help esteeming to be strictly justifiable; and this is a
-suspicion that a man is capable of doing what he hath done already,
-and that it is possible for one who hath been a villain once to act
-the same part again. And, to confess the truth, of this degree of
-suspicion I believe Sophia was guilty. From this degree of suspicion
-she had, in fact, conceived an opinion that her cousin was really not
-better than she should be.
-
-The case, it seems, was this: Mrs Fitzpatrick wisely considered that
-the virtue of a young lady is, in the world, in the same situation
-with a poor hare, which is certain, whenever it ventures abroad, to
-meet its enemies; for it can hardly meet any other. No sooner
-therefore was she determined to take the first opportunity of quitting
-the protection of her husband, than she resolved to cast herself under
-the protection of some other man; and whom could she so properly
-choose to be her guardian as a person of quality, of fortune, of
-honour; and who, besides a gallant disposition which inclines men to
-knight-errantry, that is, to be the champions of ladies in distress,
-had often declared a violent attachment to herself, and had already
-given her all the instances of it in his power?
-
-But, as the law hath foolishly omitted this office of vice-husband, or
-guardian to an eloped lady, and as malice is apt to denominate him by
-a more disagreeable appellation, it was concluded that his lordship
-should perform all such kind offices to the lady in secret, and
-without publickly assuming the character of her protector. Nay, to
-prevent any other person from seeing him in this light, it was agreed
-that the lady should proceed directly to Bath, and that his lordship
-should first go to London, and thence should go down to that place by
-the advice of his physicians.
-
-Now all this Sophia very plainly understood, not from the lips or
-behaviour of Mrs Fitzpatrick, but from the peer, who was infinitely
-less expert at retaining a secret than was the good lady; and perhaps
-the exact secrecy which Mrs Fitzpatrick had observed on this head in
-her narrative served not a little to heighten those suspicions which
-were now risen in the mind of her cousin.
-
-Sophia very easily found out the lady she sought; for indeed there was
-not a chairman in town to whom her house was not perfectly well known;
-and, as she received, in return of her first message, a most pressing
-invitation, she immediately accepted it. Mrs Fitzpatrick, indeed, did
-not desire her cousin to stay with her with more earnestness than
-civility required. Whether she had discerned and resented the
-suspicion above-mentioned, or from what other motive it arose, I
-cannot say; but certain it is, she was full as desirous of parting
-with Sophia as Sophia herself could be of going.
-
-The young lady, when she came to take leave of her cousin, could not
-avoid giving her a short hint of advice. She begged her, for heaven's
-sake, to take care of herself, and to consider in how dangerous a
-situation she stood; adding, she hoped some method would be found of
-reconciling her to her husband. "You must remember, my dear," says
-she, "the maxim which my aunt Western hath so often repeated to us
-both; That whenever the matrimonial alliance is broke, and war
-declared between husband and wife, she can hardly make a
-disadvantageous peace for herself on any conditions. These are my
-aunt's very words, and she hath had a great deal of experience in the
-world." Mrs Fitzpatrick answered, with a contemptuous smile, "Never
-fear me, child, take care of yourself; for you are younger than I. I
-will come and visit you in a few days; but, dear Sophy, let me give
-you one piece of advice: leave the character of Graveairs in the
-country, for, believe me, it will sit very awkwardly upon you in this
-town."
-
-Thus the two cousins parted, and Sophia repaired directly to Lady
-Bellaston, where she found a most hearty, as well as a most polite,
-welcome. The lady had taken a great fancy to her when she had seen her
-formerly with her aunt Western. She was indeed extremely glad to see
-her, and was no sooner acquainted with the reasons which induced her
-to leave the squire and to fly to London than she highly applauded her
-sense and resolution; and after expressing the highest satisfaction in
-the opinion which Sophia had declared she entertained of her ladyship,
-by chusing her house for an asylum, she promised her all the
-protection which it was in her power to give.
-
-As we have now brought Sophia into safe hands, the reader will, I
-apprehend, be contented to deposit her there a while, and to look a
-little after other personages, and particularly poor Jones, whom we
-have left long enough to do penance for his past offences, which, as
-is the nature of vice, brought sufficient punishment upon him
-themselves.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XII.
-
-CONTAINING THE SAME INDIVIDUAL TIME WITH THE FORMER.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Showing what is to be deemed plagiarism in a modern author, and what
-is to be considered as lawful prize.
-
-
-The learned reader must have observed that in the course of this
-mighty work, I have often translated passages out of the best antient
-authors, without quoting the original, or without taking the least
-notice of the book from whence they were borrowed.
-
-This conduct in writing is placed in a very proper light by the
-ingenious Abbé Bannier, in his preface to his Mythology, a work of
-great erudition and of equal judgment. "It will be easy," says he,
-"for the reader to observe that I have frequently had greater regard
-to him than to my own reputation: for an author certainly pays him a
-considerable compliment, when, for his sake, he suppresses learned
-quotations that come in his way, and which would have cost him but the
-bare trouble of transcribing."
-
-To fill up a work with these scraps may, indeed, be considered as a
-downright cheat on the learned world, who are by such means imposed
-upon to buy a second time, in fragments and by retail, what they have
-already in gross, if not in their memories, upon their shelves; and it
-is still more cruel upon the illiterate, who are drawn in to pay for
-what is of no manner of use to them. A writer who intermixes great
-quantity of Greek and Latin with his works, deals by the ladies and
-fine gentlemen in the same paultry manner with which they are treated
-by the auctioneers, who often endeavour so to confound and mix up
-their lots, that, in order to purchase the commodity you want, you are
-obliged at the same time to purchase that which will do you no
-service.
-
-And yet, as there is no conduct so fair and disinterested but that it
-may be misunderstood by ignorance, and misrepresented by malice, I
-have been sometimes tempted to preserve my own reputation at the
-expense of my reader, and to transcribe the original, or at least to
-quote chapter and verse, whenever I have made use either of the
-thought or expression of another. I am, indeed, in some doubt that I
-have often suffered by the contrary method; and that, by suppressing
-the original author's name, I have been rather suspected of plagiarism
-than reputed to act from the amiable motive assigned by that justly
-celebrated Frenchman.
-
-Now, to obviate all such imputations for the future, I do here confess
-and justify the fact. The antients may be considered as a rich common,
-where every person who hath the smallest tenement in Parnassus hath a
-free right to fatten his muse. Or, to place it in a clearer light, we
-moderns are to the antients what the poor are to the rich. By the poor
-here I mean that large and venerable body which, in English, we call
-the mob. Now, whoever hath had the honour to be admitted to any degree
-of intimacy with this mob, must well know that it is one of their
-established maxims to plunder and pillage their rich neighbours
-without any reluctance; and that this is held to be neither sin nor
-shame among them. And so constantly do they abide and act by this
-maxim, that, in every parish almost in the kingdom, there is a kind of
-confederacy ever carrying on against a certain person of opulence
-called the squire, whose property is considered as free-booty by all
-his poor neighbours; who, as they conclude that there is no manner of
-guilt in such depredations, look upon it as a point of honour and
-moral obligation to conceal, and to preserve each other from
-punishment on all such occasions.
-
-In like manner are the antients, such as Homer, Virgil, Horace,
-Cicero, and the rest, to be esteemed among us writers, as so many
-wealthy squires, from whom we, the poor of Parnassus, claim an
-immemorial custom of taking whatever we can come at. This liberty I
-demand, and this I am as ready to allow again to my poor neighbours in
-their turn. All I profess, and all I require of my brethren, is to
-maintain the same strict honesty among ourselves which the mob show to
-one another. To steal from one another is indeed highly criminal and
-indecent; for this may be strictly stiled defrauding the poor
-(sometimes perhaps those who are poorer than ourselves), or, to set it
-under the most opprobrious colours, robbing the spittal.
-
-Since, therefore, upon the strictest examination, my own conscience
-cannot lay any such pitiful theft to my charge, I am contented to
-plead guilty to the former accusation; nor shall I ever scruple to
-take to myself any passage which I shall find in an antient author to
-my purpose, without setting down the name of the author from whence it
-was taken. Nay, I absolutely claim a property in all such sentiments
-the moment they are transcribed into my writings, and I expect all
-readers henceforwards to regard them as purely and entirely my own.
-This claim, however, I desire to be allowed me only on condition that
-I preserve strict honesty towards my poor brethren, from whom, if ever
-I borrow any of that little of which they are possessed, I shall never
-fail to put their mark upon it, that it may be at all times ready to
-be restored to the right owner.
-
-The omission of this was highly blameable in one Mr Moore, who, having
-formerly borrowed some lines of Pope and company, took the liberty to
-transcribe six of them into his play of the Rival Modes. Mr Pope,
-however, very luckily found them in the said play, and, laying violent
-hands on his own property, transferred it back again into his own
-works; and, for a further punishment, imprisoned the said Moore in the
-loathsome dungeon of the Dunciad, where his unhappy memory now
-remains, and eternally will remain, as a proper punishment for such
-his unjust dealings in the poetical trade.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-In which, though the squire doth not find his daughter, something is
-found which puts an end to his pursuit.
-
-
-The history now returns to the inn at Upton, whence we shall first
-trace the footsteps of Squire Western; for, as he will soon arrive at
-an end of his journey, we shall have then full leisure to attend our
-heroe.
-
-The reader may be pleased to remember that the said squire departed
-from the inn in great fury, and in that fury he pursued his daughter.
-The hostler having informed him that she had crossed the Severn, he
-likewise past that river with his equipage, and rode full speed,
-vowing the utmost vengeance against poor Sophia, if he should but
-overtake her.
-
-He had not gone far before he arrived at a crossway. Here he called a
-short council of war, in which, after hearing different opinions, he
-at last gave the direction of his pursuit to fortune, and struck
-directly into the Worcester road.
-
-In this road he proceeded about two miles, when he began to bemoan
-himself most bitterly, frequently crying out, "What pity is it! Sure
-never was so unlucky a dog as myself!" And then burst forth a volley
-of oaths and execrations.
-
-The parson attempted to administer comfort to him on this occasion.
-"Sorrow not, sir," says he, "like those without hope. Howbeit we have
-not yet been able to overtake young madam, we may account it some good
-fortune that we have hitherto traced her course aright. Peradventure
-she will soon be fatigated with her journey, and will tarry in some
-inn, in order to renovate her corporeal functions; and in that case,
-in all moral certainty, you will very briefly be _compos voti_."
-
-"Pogh! d--n the slut!" answered the squire, "I am lamenting the loss
-of so fine a morning for hunting. It is confounded hard to lose one of
-the best scenting days, in all appearance, which hath been this
-season, and especially after so long a frost."
-
-Whether Fortune, who now and then shows some compassion in her
-wantonest tricks, might not take pity of the squire; and, as she had
-determined not to let him overtake his daughter, might not resolve to
-make him amends some other way, I will not assert; but he had hardly
-uttered the words just before commemorated, and two or three oaths at
-their heels, when a pack of hounds began to open their melodious
-throats at a small distance from them, which the squire's horse and
-his rider both perceiving, both immediately pricked up their ears, and
-the squire, crying, "She's gone, she's gone! Damn me if she is not
-gone!" instantly clapped spurs to the beast, who little needed it,
-having indeed the same inclination with his master; and now the whole
-company, crossing into a corn-field, rode directly towards the hounds,
-with much hallowing and whooping, while the poor parson, blessing
-himself, brought up the rear.
-
-Thus fable reports that the fair Grimalkin, whom Venus, at the desire
-of a passionate lover, converted from a cat into a fine woman, no
-sooner perceived a mouse than, mindful of her former sport, and still
-retaining her pristine nature, she leaped from the bed of her husband
-to pursue the little animal.
-
-What are we to understand by this? Not that the bride was displeased
-with the embraces of her amorous bridegroom; for, though some have
-remarked that cats are subject to ingratitude, yet women and cats too
-will be pleased and purr on certain occasions. The truth is, as the
-sagacious Sir Roger L'Estrange observes, in his deep reflections,
-that, "if we shut Nature out at the door, she will come in at the
-window; and that puss, though a madam, will be a mouser still." In the
-same manner we are not to arraign the squire of any want of love for
-his daughter; for in reality he had a great deal; we are only to
-consider that he was a squire and a sportsman, and then we may apply
-the fable to him, and the judicious reflections likewise.
-
-The hounds ran very hard, as it is called, and the squire pursued over
-hedge and ditch, with all his usual vociferation and alacrity, and
-with all his usual pleasure; nor did the thoughts of Sophia ever once
-intrude themselves to allay the satisfaction he enjoyed in the chace,
-which, he said, was one of the finest he ever saw, and which he swore
-was very well worth going fifty miles for. As the squire forgot his
-daughter, the servants, we may easily believe, forgot their mistress;
-and the parson, after having expressed much astonishment, in Latin, to
-himself, at length likewise abandoned all farther thoughts of the
-young lady, and, jogging on at a distance behind, began to meditate a
-portion of doctrine for the ensuing Sunday.
-
-The squire who owned the hounds was highly pleased with the arrival of
-his brother squire and sportsman; for all men approve merit in their
-own way, and no man was more expert in the field than Mr Western, nor
-did any other better know how to encourage the dogs with his voice,
-and to animate the hunt with his holla.
-
-Sportsmen, in the warmth of a chace, are too much engaged to attend to
-any manner of ceremony, nay, even to the offices of humanity: for, if
-any of them meet with an accident by tumbling into a ditch, or into a
-river, the rest pass on regardless, and generally leave him to his
-fate: during this time, therefore, the two squires, though often close
-to each other, interchanged not a single word. The master of the hunt,
-however, often saw and approved the great judgment of the stranger in
-drawing the dogs when they were at a fault, and hence conceived a very
-high opinion of his understanding, as the number of his attendants
-inspired no small reverence to his quality. As soon, therefore, as the
-sport was ended by the death of the little animal which had occasioned
-it, the two squires met, and in all squire-like greeting saluted each
-other.
-
-The conversation was entertaining enough, and what we may perhaps
-relate in an appendix, or on some other occasion; but as it nowise
-concerns this history, we cannot prevail on ourselves to give it a
-place here. It concluded with a second chace, and that with an
-invitation to dinner. This being accepted, was followed by a hearty
-bout of drinking, which ended in as hearty a nap on the part of Squire
-Western.
-
-Our squire was by no means a match either for his host, or for parson
-Supple, at his cups that evening; for which the violent fatigue of
-mind as well as body that he had undergone, may very well account,
-without the least derogation from his honour. He was indeed, according
-to the vulgar phrase, whistle drunk; for before he had swallowed the
-third bottle, he became so entirely overpowered that though he was not
-carried off to bed till long after, the parson considered him as
-absent, and having acquainted the other squire with all relating to
-Sophia, he obtained his promise of seconding those arguments which he
-intended to urge the next morning for Mr Western's return.
-
-No sooner, therefore, had the good squire shaken off his evening, and
-began to call for his morning draught, and to summon his horses in
-order to renew his pursuit, than Mr Supple began his dissuasives,
-which the host so strongly seconded, that they at length prevailed,
-and Mr Western agreed to return home; being principally moved by one
-argument, viz., that he knew not which way to go, and might probably
-be riding farther from his daughter instead of towards her. He then
-took leave of his brother sportsman, and expressing great joy that the
-frost was broken (which might perhaps be no small motive to his
-hastening home), set forwards, or rather backwards, for Somersetshire;
-but not before he had first despatched part of his retinue in quest of
-his daughter, after whom he likewise sent a volley of the most bitter
-execrations which he could invent.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-The departure of Jones from Upton, with what passed between him and
-Partridge on the road.
-
-
-At length we are once more come to our heroe; and, to say truth, we
-have been obliged to part with him so long, that, considering the
-condition in which we left him, I apprehend many of our readers have
-concluded we intended to abandon him for ever; he being at present in
-that situation in which prudent people usually desist from enquiring
-any farther after their friends, lest they should be shocked by
-hearing such friends had hanged themselves.
-
-But, in reality, if we have not all the virtues, I will boldly say,
-neither have we all the vices of a prudent character; and though it is
-not easy to conceive circumstances much more miserable than those of
-poor Jones at present, we shall return to him, and attend upon him
-with the same diligence as if he was wantoning in the brightest beams
-of fortune.
-
-Mr Jones, then, and his companion Partridge, left the inn a few
-minutes after the departure of Squire Western, and pursued the same
-road on foot, for the hostler told them that no horses were by any
-means to be at that time procured at Upton. On they marched with heavy
-hearts; for though their disquiet proceeded from very different
-reasons, yet displeased they were both; and if Jones sighed bitterly,
-Partridge grunted altogether as sadly at every step.
-
-When they came to the cross-roads where the squire had stopt to take
-counsel, Jones stopt likewise, and turning to Partridge, asked his
-opinion which track they should pursue. "Ah, sir," answered Partridge,
-"I wish your honour would follow my advice." "Why should I not?"
-replied Jones; "for it is now indifferent to me whither I go, or what
-becomes of me." "My advice, then," said Partridge, "is, that you
-immediately face about and return home; for who that hath such a home
-to return to as your honour, would travel thus about the country like
-a vagabond? I ask pardon, _sed vox ea sola reperta est_."
-
-"Alas!" cries Jones, "I have no home to return to;--but if my friend,
-my father, would receive me, could I bear the country from which
-Sophia is flown? Cruel Sophia! Cruel! No; let me blame myself!--No;
-let me blame thee. D--nation seize thee--fool--blockhead! thou hast
-undone me, and I will tear thy soul from thy body."--At which words he
-laid violent hands on the collar of poor Partridge, and shook him more
-heartily than an ague-fit, or his own fears had ever done before.
-
-Partridge fell trembling on his knees, and begged for mercy, vowing he
-had meant no harm--when Jones, after staring wildly on him for a
-moment, quitted his hold, and discharged a rage on himself, that, had
-it fallen on the other, would certainly have put an end to his being,
-which indeed the very apprehension of it had almost effected.
-
-We would bestow some pains here in minutely describing all the mad
-pranks which Jones played on this occasion, could we be well assured
-that the reader would take the same pains in perusing them; but as we
-are apprehensive that, after all the labour which we should employ in
-painting this scene, the said reader would be very apt to skip it
-entirely over, we have saved ourselves that trouble. To say the truth,
-we have, from this reason alone, often done great violence to the
-luxuriance of our genius, and have left many excellent descriptions
-out of our work, which would otherwise have been in it. And this
-suspicion, to be honest, arises, as is generally the case, from our
-own wicked heart; for we have, ourselves, been very often most
-horridly given to jumping, as we have run through the pages of
-voluminous historians.
-
-Suffice it then simply to say, that Jones, after having played the
-part of a madman for many minutes, came, by degrees, to himself; which
-no sooner happened, than, turning to Partridge, he very earnestly
-begged his pardon for the attack he had made on him in the violence of
-his passion; but concluded, by desiring him never to mention his
-return again; for he was resolved never to see that country any more.
-
-Partridge easily forgave, and faithfully promised to obey the
-injunction now laid upon him. And then Jones very briskly cried out,
-"Since it is absolutely impossible for me to pursue any farther the
-steps of my angel--I will pursue those of glory. Come on, my brave
-lad, now for the army:--it is a glorious cause, and I would willingly
-sacrifice my life in it, even though it was worth my preserving." And
-so saying, he immediately struck into the different road from that
-which the squire had taken, and, by mere chance, pursued the very same
-through which Sophia had before passed.
-
-Our travellers now marched a full mile, without speaking a syllable to
-each other, though Jones, indeed, muttered many things to himself. As
-to Partridge, he was profoundly silent; for he was not, perhaps,
-perfectly recovered from his former fright; besides, he had
-apprehensions of provoking his friend to a second fit of wrath,
-especially as he now began to entertain a conceit, which may not,
-perhaps, create any great wonder in the reader. In short, he began now
-to suspect that Jones was absolutely out of his senses.
-
-At length, Jones, being weary of soliloquy, addressed himself to his
-companion, and blamed him for his taciturnity; for which the poor man
-very honestly accounted, from his fear of giving offence. And now this
-fear being pretty well removed, by the most absolute promises of
-indemnity, Partridge again took the bridle from his tongue; which,
-perhaps, rejoiced no less at regaining its liberty, than a young colt,
-when the bridle is slipt from his neck, and he is turned loose into
-the pastures.
-
-As Partridge was inhibited from that topic which would have first
-suggested itself, he fell upon that which was next uppermost in his
-mind, namely, the Man of the Hill. "Certainly, sir," says he, "that
-could never be a man, who dresses himself and lives after such a
-strange manner, and so unlike other folks. Besides, his diet, as the
-old woman told me, is chiefly upon herbs, which is a fitter food for a
-horse than a Christian: nay, landlord at Upton says that the
-neighbours thereabouts have very fearful notions about him. It runs
-strangely in my head that it must have been some spirit, who, perhaps,
-might be sent to forewarn us: and who knows but all that matter which
-he told us, of his going to fight, and of his being taken prisoner,
-and of the great danger he was in of being hanged, might be intended
-as a warning to us, considering what we are going about? besides, I
-dreamt of nothing all last night but of fighting; and methought the
-blood ran out of my nose, as liquor out of a tap. Indeed, sir,
-_infandum, regina, jubes renovare dolorem_."
-
-"Thy story, Partridge," answered Jones, "is almost as ill applied as
-thy Latin. Nothing can be more likely to happen than death to men who
-go into battle. Perhaps we shall both fall in it--and what then?"
-"What then?" replied Partridge; "why then there is an end of us, is
-there not? when I am gone, all is over with me. What matters the cause
-to me, or who gets the victory, if I am killed? I shall never enjoy
-any advantage from it. What are all the ringing of bells, and
-bonfires, to one that is six foot under ground? there will be an end
-of poor Partridge." "And an end of poor Partridge," cries Jones,
-"there must be, one time or other. If you love Latin, I will repeat
-you some fine lines out of Horace, which would inspire courage into a
-coward.
-
-     `_Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
-     Mors et fugacem persequitur virum
-     Nec parcit imbellis juventae
-     Poplitibus, timidoque tergo._'"
-
-"I wish you would construe them," cries Partridge; "for Horace is a
-hard author, and I cannot understand as you repeat them."
-
-"I will repeat you a bad imitation, or rather paraphrase, of my own,"
-said Jones; "for I am but an indifferent poet:
-
-`Who would not die in his dear country's cause? Since, if base fear
-his dastard step withdraws, From death he cannot fly:--One common
-grave Receives, at last, the coward and the brave.'"
-
-"That's very certain," cries Partridge. "Ay, sure, _Mors omnibus
-communis:_ but there is a great difference between dying in one's bed
-a great many years hence, like a good Christian, with all our friends
-crying about us, and being shot to-day or to-morrow, like a mad dog;
-or, perhaps, hacked in twenty pieces with the sword, and that too
-before we have repented of all our sins. O Lord, have mercy upon us!
-to be sure the soldiers are a wicked kind of people. I never loved to
-have anything to do with them. I could hardly bring myself ever to
-look upon them as Christians. There is nothing but cursing and
-swearing among them. I wish your honour would repent: I heartily wish
-you would repent before it is too late; and not think of going among
-them.--Evil communication corrupts good manners. That is my principal
-reason. For as for that matter, I am no more afraid than another man,
-not I; as to matter of that. I know all human flesh must die; but yet
-a man may live many years, for all that. Why, I am a middle-aged man
-now, and yet I may live a great number of years. I have read of
-several who have lived to be above a hundred, and some a great deal
-above a hundred. Not that I hope, I mean that I promise myself, to
-live to any such age as that, neither.--But if it be only to eighty or
-ninety. Heaven be praised, that is a great ways off yet; and I am not
-afraid of dying then, no more than another man; but, surely, to tempt
-death before a man's time is come seems to me downright wickedness and
-presumption. Besides, if it was to do any good indeed; but, let the
-cause be what it will, what mighty matter of good can two people do?
-and, for my part, I understand nothing of it. I never fired off a gun
-above ten times in my life; and then it was not charged with bullets.
-And for the sword, I never learned to fence, and know nothing of the
-matter. And then there are those cannons, which certainly it must be
-thought the highest presumption to go in the way of; and nobody but a
-madman--I ask pardon; upon my soul I meant no harm; I beg I may not
-throw your honour into another passion."
-
-"Be under no apprehension, Partridge," cries Jones; "I am now so well
-convinced of thy cowardice, that thou couldst not provoke me on any
-account." "Your honour," answered he, "may call me coward, or anything
-else you please. If loving to sleep in a whole skin makes a man a
-coward, _non immunes ab illis malis sumus_. I never read in my grammar
-that a man can't be a good man without fighting. _Vir bonus est quis?
-Qui consulta patrum, qui leges juraque servat_. Not a word of
-fighting; and I am sure the scripture is so much against it, that a
-man shall never persuade me he is a good Christian while he sheds
-Christian blood."
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-The adventure of a beggar-man.
-
-
-Just as Partridge had uttered that good and pious doctrine, with which
-the last chapter concluded, they arrived at another cross-way, when a
-lame fellow in rags asked them for alms; upon which Partridge gave him
-a severe rebuke, saying, "Every parish ought to keep their own poor."
-Jones then fell a-laughing, and asked Partridge, "if he was not
-ashamed, with so much charity in his mouth, to have no charity in his
-heart. Your religion," says he, "serves you only for an excuse for
-your faults, but is no incentive to your virtue. Can any man who is
-really a Christian abstain from relieving one of his brethren in such
-a miserable condition?" And at the same time, putting his hand in his
-pocket, he gave the poor object a shilling.
-
-"Master," cries the fellow, after thanking him, "I have a curious
-thing here in my pocket, which I found about two miles off, if your
-worship will please to buy it. I should not venture to pull it out to
-every one; but, as you are so good a gentleman, and so kind to the
-poor, you won't suspect a man of being a thief only because he is
-poor." He then pulled out a little gilt pocket-book, and delivered it
-into the hands of Jones.
-
-Jones presently opened it, and (guess, reader, what he felt) saw in
-the first page the words Sophia Western, written by her own fair hand.
-He no sooner read the name than he prest it close to his lips; nor
-could he avoid falling into some very frantic raptures,
-notwithstanding his company; but, perhaps, these very raptures made
-him forget he was not alone.
-
-While Jones was kissing and mumbling the book, as if he had an
-excellent brown buttered crust in his mouth or as if he had really
-been a book-worm, or an author who had nothing to eat but his own
-works, a piece of paper fell from its leaves to the ground, which
-Partridge took up, and delivered to Jones, who presently perceived it
-to be a bank-bill. It was, indeed, the very bill which Western had
-given his daughter the night before her departure; and a Jew would
-have jumped to purchase it at five shillings less than £100.
-
-The eyes of Partridge sparkled at this news, which Jones now
-proclaimed aloud; and so did (though with somewhat a different aspect)
-those of the poor fellow who had found the book; and who (I hope from
-a principle of honesty) had never opened it: but we should not deal
-honestly by the reader if we omitted to inform him of a circumstance
-which may be here a little material, viz. that the fellow could not
-read.
-
-Jones, who had felt nothing but pure joy and transport from the
-finding the book, was affected with a mixture of concern at this new
-discovery; for his imagination instantly suggested to him that the
-owner of the bill might possibly want it before he should be able to
-convey it to her. He then acquainted the finder that he knew the lady
-to whom the book belonged, and would endeavour to find her out as soon
-as possible, and return it her.
-
-The pocket-book was a late present from Mrs Western to her niece; it
-had cost five-and-twenty shillings, having been bought of a celebrated
-toyman; but the real value of the silver which it contained in its
-clasp was about eighteen-pence; and that price the said toyman, as it
-was altogether as good as when it first issued from his shop, would
-now have given for it. A prudent person would, however, have taken
-proper advantage of the ignorance of this fellow, and would not have
-offered more than a shilling, or perhaps sixpence, for it; nay, some
-perhaps would have given nothing, and left the fellow to his action of
-trover, which some learned serjeants may doubt whether he could, under
-these circumstances, have maintained.
-
-Jones, on the contrary, whose character was on the outside of
-generosity, and may perhaps not very unjustly have been suspected of
-extravagance, without any hesitation gave a guinea in exchange for the
-book. The poor man, who had not for a long time before been possessed
-of so much treasure, gave Mr Jones a thousand thanks, and discovered
-little less of transport in his muscles than Jones had before shown
-when he had first read the name of Sophia Western.
-
-The fellow very readily agreed to attend our travellers to the place
-where he had found the pocket-book. Together, therefore, they
-proceeded directly thither; but not so fast as Mr Jones desired; for
-his guide unfortunately happened to be lame, and could not possibly
-travel faster than a mile an hour. As this place, therefore, was at
-above three miles' distance, though the fellow had said otherwise, the
-reader need not be acquainted how long they were in walking it.
-
-Jones opened the book a hundred times during their walk, kissed it as
-often, talked much to himself, and very little to his companions. At
-all which the guide exprest some signs of astonishment to Partridge;
-who more than once shook his head, and cryed, Poor gentleman! _orandum
-est ut sit mens sana in corpore sano._
-
-At length they arrived at the very spot where Sophia unhappily dropt
-the pocket-book, and where the fellow had as happily found it. Here
-Jones offered to take leave of his guide, and to improve his pace; but
-the fellow, in whom that violent surprize and joy which the first
-receipt of the guinea had occasioned was now considerably abated, and
-who had now had sufficient time to recollect himself, put on a
-discontented look, and, scratching his head, said, "He hoped his
-worship would give him something more. Your worship," said he, "will,
-I hope, take it into your consideration that if I had not been honest
-I might have kept the whole." And, indeed, this the reader must
-confess to have been true. "If the paper there," said he, "be worth
-£100, I am sure the finding it deserves more than a guinea. Besides,
-suppose your worship should never see the lady, nor give it her--and,
-though your worship looks and talks very much like a gentleman, yet I
-have only your worship's bare word; and, certainly, if the right owner
-ben't to be found, it all belongs to the first finder. I hope your
-worship will consider of all these matters: I am but a poor man, and
-therefore don't desire to have all; but it is but reasonable I should
-have my share. Your worship looks like a good man, and, I hope, will
-consider my honesty; for I might have kept every farthing, and nobody
-ever the wiser." "I promise thee, upon my honour," cries Jones, "that
-I know the right owner, and will restore it her." "Nay, your worship,"
-answered the fellow, "may do as you please as to that; if you will but
-give me my share, that is, one-half of the money, your honour may keep
-the rest yourself if you please;" and concluded with swearing, by a
-very vehement oath, "that he would never mention a syllable of it to
-any man living."
-
-"Lookee, friend," cries Jones, "the right owner shall certainly have
-again all that she lost; and as for any farther gratuity, I really
-cannot give it you at present; but let me know your name, and where
-you live, and it is more than possible you may hereafter have further
-reason to rejoice at this morning's adventure."
-
-"I don't know what you mean by venture," cries the fellow; "it seems I
-must venture whether you will return the lady her money or no; but I
-hope your worship will consider--" "Come, come," said Partridge, "tell
-his honour your name, and where you may be found; I warrant you will
-never repent having put the money into his hands." The fellow, seeing
-no hopes of recovering the possession of the pocket-book, at last
-complied in giving in his name and place of abode, which Jones writ
-upon a piece of paper with the pencil of Sophia; and then, placing the
-paper in the same page where she had writ her name, he cried out,
-"There, friend, you are the happiest man alive; I have joined your
-name to that of an angel." "I don't know anything about angels,"
-answered the fellow; "but I wish you would give me a little more
-money, or else return me the pocket-book." Partridge now waxed wrath:
-he called the poor cripple by several vile and opprobrious names, and
-was absolutely proceeding to beat him, but Jones would not suffer any
-such thing: and now, telling the fellow he would certainly find some
-opportunity of serving him, Mr Jones departed as fast as his heels
-would carry him; and Partridge, into whom the thoughts of the hundred
-pound had infused new spirits, followed his leader; while the man, who
-was obliged to stay behind, fell to cursing them both, as well as his
-parents; "for had they," says he, "sent me to charity-school to learn
-to write and read and cast accounts, I should have known the value of
-these matters as well as other people."
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his companion met on the
-road.
-
-
-Our travellers now walked so fast, that they had very little time or
-breath for conversation; Jones meditating all the way on Sophia, and
-Partridge on the bank-bill, which, though it gave him some pleasure,
-caused him at the same time to repine at fortune, which, in all his
-walks, had never given him such an opportunity of showing his honesty.
-They had proceeded above three miles, when Partridge, being unable any
-longer to keep up with Jones, called to him, and begged him a little
-to slacken his pace: with this he was the more ready to comply, as he
-had for some time lost the footsteps of the horses, which the thaw had
-enabled him to trace for several miles, and he was now upon a wide
-common, where were several roads.
-
-He here therefore stopt to consider which of these roads he should
-pursue; when on a sudden they heard the noise of a drum, that seemed
-at no great distance. This sound presently alarmed the fears of
-Partridge, and he cried out, "Lord have mercy upon us all; they are
-certainly a coming!" "Who is coming?" cries Jones; for fear had long
-since given place to softer ideas in his mind; and since his adventure
-with the lame man, he had been totally intent on pursuing Sophia,
-without entertaining one thought of an enemy. "Who?" cries Partridge,
-"why, the rebels: but why should I call them rebels? they may be very
-honest gentlemen, for anything I know to the contrary. The devil take
-him that affronts them, I say; I am sure, if they have nothing to say
-to me, I will have nothing to say to them, but in a civil way. For
-Heaven's sake, sir, don't affront them if they should come, and
-perhaps they may do us no harm; but would it not be the wiser way to
-creep into some of yonder bushes, till they are gone by? What can two
-unarmed men do perhaps against fifty thousand? Certainly nobody but a
-madman; I hope your honour is not offended; but certainly no man who
-hath _mens sana in corpore sano_----" Here Jones interrupted this
-torrent of eloquence, which fear had inspired, saying, "That by the
-drum he perceived they were near some town." He then made directly
-towards the place whence the noise proceeded, bidding Partridge "take
-courage, for that he would lead him into no danger;" and adding, "it
-was impossible the rebels should be so near."
-
-Partridge was a little comforted with this last assurance; and though
-he would more gladly have gone the contrary way, he followed his
-leader, his heart beating time, but not after the manner of heroes, to
-the music of the drum, which ceased not till they had traversed the
-common, and were come into a narrow lane.
-
-And now Partridge, who kept even pace with Jones, discovered something
-painted flying in the air, a very few yards before him, which fancying
-to be the colours of the enemy, he fell a bellowing, "Oh Lord, sir,
-here they are; there is the crown and coffin. Oh Lord! I never saw
-anything so terrible; and we are within gun-shot of them already."
-
-Jones no sooner looked up, than he plainly perceived what it was which
-Partridge had thus mistaken. "Partridge," says he, "I fancy you will
-be able to engage this whole army yourself; for by the colours I guess
-what the drum was which we heard before, and which beats up for
-recruits to a puppet-show."
-
-"A puppet-show!" answered Partridge, with most eager transport. "And
-is it really no more than that? I love a puppet-show of all the
-pastimes upon earth. Do, good sir, let us tarry and see it. Besides, I
-am quite famished to death; for it is now almost dark, and I have not
-eat a morsel since three o'clock in the morning."
-
-They now arrived at an inn, or indeed an ale-house, where Jones was
-prevailed upon to stop, the rather as he had no longer any assurance
-of being in the road he desired. They walked both directly into the
-kitchen, where Jones began to enquire if no ladies had passed that way
-in the morning, and Partridge as eagerly examined into the state of
-their provisions; and indeed his enquiry met with the better success;
-for Jones could not hear news of Sophia; but Partridge, to his great
-satisfaction, found good reason to expect very shortly the agreeable
-sight of an excellent smoaking dish of eggs and bacon.
-
-In strong and healthy constitutions love hath a very different effect
-from what it causes in the puny part of the species. In the latter it
-generally destroys all that appetite which tends towards the
-conservation of the individual; but in the former, though it often
-induces forgetfulness, and a neglect of food, as well as of everything
-else; yet place a good piece of well-powdered buttock before a hungry
-lover, and he seldom fails very handsomely to play his part. Thus it
-happened in the present case; for though Jones perhaps wanted a
-prompter, and might have travelled much farther, had he been alone,
-with an empty stomach; yet no sooner did he sit down to the bacon and
-eggs, than he fell to as heartily and voraciously as Partridge
-himself.
-
-Before our travellers had finished their dinner, night came on, and as
-the moon was now past the full, it was extremely dark. Partridge
-therefore prevailed on Jones to stay and see the puppet-show, which
-was just going to begin, and to which they were very eagerly invited
-by the master of the said show, who declared that his figures were the
-finest which the world had ever produced, and that they had given
-great satisfaction to all the quality in every town in England.
-
-The puppet-show was performed with great regularity and decency. It
-was called the fine and serious part of the Provoked Husband; and it
-was indeed a very grave and solemn entertainment, without any low wit
-or humour, or jests; or, to do it no more than justice, without
-anything which could provoke a laugh. The audience were all highly
-pleased. A grave matron told the master she would bring her two
-daughters the next night, as he did not show any stuff; and an
-attorney's clerk and an exciseman both declared, that the characters
-of Lord and Lady Townley were well preserved, and highly in nature.
-Partridge likewise concurred with this opinion.
-
-The master was so highly elated with these encomiums, that he could
-not refrain from adding some more of his own. He said, "The present
-age was not improved in anything so much as in their puppet-shows;
-which, by throwing out Punch and his wife Joan, and such idle
-trumpery, were at last brought to be a rational entertainment. I
-remember," said he, "when I first took to the business, there was a
-great deal of low stuff that did very well to make folks laugh; but
-was never calculated to improve the morals of young people, which
-certainly ought to be principally aimed at in every puppet-show: for
-why may not good and instructive lessons be conveyed this way, as well
-as any other? My figures are as big as the life, and they represent
-the life in every particular; and I question not but people rise from
-my little drama as much improved as they do from the great." "I would
-by no means degrade the ingenuity of your profession," answered Jones,
-"but I should have been glad to have seen my old acquaintance master
-Punch, for all that; and so far from improving, I think, by leaving
-out him and his merry wife Joan, you have spoiled your puppet-show."
-
-The dancer of wires conceived an immediate and high contempt for
-Jones, from these words. And with much disdain in his countenance, he
-replied, "Very probably, sir, that may be your opinion; but I have the
-satisfaction to know the best judges differ from you, and it is
-impossible to please every taste. I confess, indeed, some of the
-quality at Bath, two or three years ago, wanted mightily to bring
-Punch again upon the stage. I believe I lost some money for not
-agreeing to it; but let others do as they will; a little matter shall
-never bribe me to degrade my own profession, nor will I ever willingly
-consent to the spoiling the decency and regularity of my stage, by
-introducing any such low stuff upon it."
-
-"Right, friend," cries the clerk, "you are very right. Always avoid
-what is low. There are several of my acquaintance in London, who are
-resolved to drive everything which is low from the stage." "Nothing
-can be more proper," cries the exciseman, pulling his pipe from his
-mouth. "I remember," added he, "(for I then lived with my lord) I was
-in the footman's gallery, the night when this play of the Provoked
-Husband was acted first. There was a great deal of low stuff in it
-about a country gentleman come up to town to stand for parliament-man;
-and there they brought a parcel of his servants upon the stage, his
-coachman I remember particularly; but the gentlemen in our gallery
-could not bear anything so low, and they damned it. I observe, friend,
-you have left all that matter out, and you are to be commended for
-it."
-
-"Nay, gentlemen," cries Jones, "I can never maintain my opinion
-against so many; indeed, if the generality of his audience dislike
-him, the learned gentleman who conducts the show might have done very
-right in dismissing Punch from his service."
-
-The master of the show then began a second harangue, and said much of
-the great force of example, and how much the inferior part of mankind
-would be deterred from vice, by observing how odious it was in their
-superiors; when he was unluckily interrupted by an incident, which,
-though perhaps we might have omitted it at another time, we cannot
-help relating at present, but not in this chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-From which it may be inferred that the best things are liable to be
-misunderstood and misinterpreted.
-
-
-A violent uproar now arose in the entry, where my landlady was well
-cuffing her maid both with her fist and tongue. She had indeed missed
-the wench from her employment, and, after a little search, had found
-her on the puppet-show stage in company with the Merry Andrew, and in
-a situation not very proper to be described.
-
-Though Grace (for that was her name) had forfeited all title to
-modesty; yet had she not impudence enough to deny a fact in which she
-was actually surprized; she, therefore, took another turn, and
-attempted to mitigate the offence. "Why do you beat me in this manner,
-mistress?" cries the wench. "If you don't like my doings, you may turn
-me away. If I am a w--e" (for the other had liberally bestowed that
-appellation on her), "my betters are so as well as I. What was the
-fine lady in the puppet-show just now? I suppose she did not lie all
-night out from her husband for nothing."
-
-The landlady now burst into the kitchen, and fell foul on both her
-husband and the poor puppet-mover. "Here, husband," says she, "you see
-the consequence of harbouring these people in your house. If one doth
-draw a little drink the more for them, one is hardly made amends for
-the litter they make; and then to have one's house made a bawdy-house
-of by such lousy vermin. In short, I desire you would be gone
-to-morrow morning; for I will tolerate no more such doings. It is only
-the way to teach our servants idleness and nonsense; for to be sure
-nothing better can be learned by such idle shows as these. I remember
-when puppet-shows were made of good scripture stories, as Jephthah's
-Rash Vow, and such good things, and when wicked people were carried
-away by the devil. There was some sense in those matters; but as the
-parson told us last Sunday, nobody believes in the devil now-a-days;
-and here you bring about a parcel of puppets drest up like lords and
-ladies, only to turn the heads of poor country wenches; and when their
-heads are once turned topsy-turvy, no wonder everything else is so."
-
-Virgil, I think, tells us, that when the mob are assembled in a
-riotous and tumultuous manner, and all sorts of missile weapons fly
-about, if a man of gravity and authority appears amongst them, the
-tumult is presently appeased, and the mob, which when collected into
-one body, may be well compared to an ass, erect their long ears at the
-grave man's discourse.
-
-On the contrary, when a set of grave men and philosophers are
-disputing; when wisdom herself may in a manner be considered as
-present, and administering arguments to the disputants; should a
-tumult arise among the mob, or should one scold, who is herself equal
-in noise to a mighty mob, appear among the said philosophers; their
-disputes cease in a moment, wisdom no longer performs her ministerial
-office, and the attention of every one is immediately attracted by the
-scold alone.
-
-Thus the uproar aforesaid, and the arrival of the landlady, silenced
-the master of the puppet-show, and put a speedy and final end to that
-grave and solemn harangue, of which we have given the reader a
-sufficient taste already. Nothing indeed could have happened so very
-inopportune as this accident; the most wanton malice of fortune could
-not have contrived such another stratagem to confound the poor fellow,
-while he was so triumphantly descanting on the good morals inculcated
-by his exhibitions. His mouth was now as effectually stopt, as that of
-quack must be, if, in the midst of a declamation on the great virtues
-of his pills and powders, the corpse of one of his martyrs should be
-brought forth, and deposited before the stage, as a testimony of his
-skill.
-
-Instead, therefore, of answering my landlady, the puppet-show man ran
-out to punish his Merry Andrew; and now the moon beginning to put
-forth her silver light, as the poets call it (though she looked at
-that time more like a piece of copper), Jones called for his
-reckoning, and ordered Partridge, whom my landlady had just awaked
-from a profound nap, to prepare for his journey; but Partridge, having
-lately carried two points, as my reader hath seen before, was
-emboldened to attempt a third, which was to prevail with Jones to take
-up a lodging that evening in the house where he then was. He
-introduced this with an affected surprize at the intention which Mr
-Jones declared of removing; and, after urging many excellent arguments
-against it, he at last insisted strongly that it could be to no manner
-of purpose whatever; for that, unless Jones knew which way the lady
-was gone, every step he took might very possibly lead him the farther
-from her; "for you find, sir," said he, "by all the people in the
-house, that she is not gone this way. How much better, therefore,
-would it be to stay till the morning, when we may expect to meet with
-somebody to enquire of?"
-
-This last argument had indeed some effect on Jones, and while he was
-weighing it the landlord threw all the rhetoric of which he was master
-into the same scale. "Sure, sir," said he, "your servant gives you
-most excellent advice; for who would travel by night at this time of
-the year?" He then began in the usual stile to trumpet forth the
-excellent accommodation which his house afforded; and my landlady
-likewise opened on the occasion----But, not to detain the reader with
-what is common to every host and hostess, it is sufficient to tell him
-Jones was at last prevailed on to stay and refresh himself with a few
-hours' rest, which indeed he very much wanted; for he had hardly shut
-his eyes since he had left the inn where the accident of the broken
-head had happened.
-
-As soon as Jones had taken a resolution to proceed no farther that
-night, he presently retired to rest, with his two bedfellows, the
-pocket-book and the muff; but Partridge, who at several times had
-refreshed himself with several naps, was more inclined to eating than
-to sleeping, and more to drinking than to either.
-
-And now the storm which Grace had raised being at an end, and my
-landlady being again reconciled to the puppet-man, who on his side
-forgave the indecent reflections which the good woman in her passion
-had cast on his performances, a face of perfect peace and tranquillity
-reigned in the kitchen; where sat assembled round the fire the
-landlord and landlady of the house, the master of the puppet-show, the
-attorney's clerk, the exciseman, and the ingenious Mr Partridge; in
-which company past the agreeable conversation which will be found in
-the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Containing a remark or two of our own and many more of the good
-company assembled in the kitchen.
-
-
-Though the pride of Partridge did not submit to acknowledge himself a
-servant, yet he condescended in most particulars to imitate the
-manners of that rank. One instance of this was, his greatly magnifying
-the fortune of his companion, as he called Jones: such is a general
-custom with all servants among strangers, as none of them would
-willingly be thought the attendant on a beggar: for, the higher the
-situation of the master is, the higher consequently is that of the man
-in his own opinion; the truth of which observation appears from the
-behaviour of all the footmen of the nobility.
-
-But, though title and fortune communicate a splendor all around them,
-and the footmen of men of quality and of estate think themselves
-entitled to a part of that respect which is paid to the quality and
-estate of their masters, it is clearly otherwise with regard to virtue
-and understanding. These advantages are strictly personal, and swallow
-themselves all the respect which is paid to them. To say the truth,
-this is so very little, that they cannot well afford to let any others
-partake with them. As these therefore reflect no honour on the
-domestic, so neither is he at all dishonoured by the most deplorable
-want of both in his master. Indeed it is otherwise in the want of what
-is called virtue in a mistress, the consequence of which we have
-before seen: for in this dishonour there is a kind of contagion,
-which, like that of poverty, communicates itself to all who approach
-it.
-
-Now for these reasons we are not to wonder that servants (I mean among
-the men only) should have so great regard for the reputation of the
-wealth of their masters, and little or none at all for their character
-in other points, and that, though they would be ashamed to be the
-footman of a beggar, they are not so to attend upon a rogue or a
-blockhead; and do consequently make no scruple to spread the fame of
-the iniquities and follies of their said masters as far as possible,
-and this often with great humour and merriment. In reality, a footman
-is often a wit as well as a beau, at the expence of the gentleman
-whose livery he wears.
-
-After Partridge, therefore, had enlarged greatly on the vast fortune
-to which Mr Jones was heir, he very freely communicated an
-apprehension, which he had begun to conceive the day before, and for
-which, as we hinted at that very time, the behaviour of Jones seemed
-to have furnished a sufficient foundation. In short, he was now pretty
-well confirmed in an opinion that his master was out of his wits, with
-which opinion he very bluntly acquainted the good company round the
-fire.
-
-With this sentiment the puppet-show man immediately coincided. "I
-own," said he, "the gentleman surprized me very much, when he talked
-so absurdly about puppet-shows. It is indeed hardly to be conceived
-that any man in his senses should be so much mistaken; what you say
-now accounts very well for all his monstrous notions. Poor gentleman!
-I am heartily concerned for him; indeed he hath a strange wildness
-about his eyes, which I took notice of before, though I did not
-mention it."
-
-The landlord agreed with this last assertion, and likewise claimed the
-sagacity of having observed it. "And certainly," added he, "it must be
-so; for no one but a madman would have thought of leaving so good a
-house to ramble about the country at that time of night."
-
-The exciseman, pulling his pipe from his mouth, said, "He thought the
-gentleman looked and talked a little wildly;" and then turning to
-Partridge, "if he be a madman," says he, "he should not be suffered to
-travel thus about the country; for possibly he may do some mischief.
-It is a pity he was not secured and sent home to his relations."
-
-Now some conceits of this kind were likewise lurking in the mind of
-Partridge; for, as he was now persuaded that Jones had run away from
-Mr Allworthy, he promised himself the highest rewards if he could by
-any means convey him back. But fear of Jones, of whose fierceness and
-strength he had seen, and indeed felt, some instances, had however
-represented any such scheme as impossible to be executed, and had
-discouraged him from applying himself to form any regular plan for the
-purpose. But no sooner did he hear the sentiments of the exciseman
-than he embraced that opportunity of declaring his own, and expressed
-a hearty wish that such a matter could be brought about.
-
-"Could be brought about!" says the exciseman: "why, there is nothing
-easier."
-
-"Ah! sir," answered Partridge, "you don't know what a devil of a
-fellow he is. He can take me up with one hand, and throw me out at
-window; and he would, too, if he did but imagine--"
-
-"Pogh!" says the exciseman, "I believe I am as good a man as he.
-Besides, here are five of us."
-
-"I don't know what five," cries the landlady, "my husband shall have
-nothing to do in it. Nor shall any violent hands be laid upon anybody
-in my house. The young gentleman is as pretty a young gentleman as
-ever I saw in my life, and I believe he is no more mad than any of us.
-What do you tell of his having a wild look with his eyes? they are the
-prettiest eyes I ever saw, and he hath the prettiest look with them;
-and a very modest civil young man he is. I am sure I have bepitied him
-heartily ever since the gentleman there in the corner told us he was
-crost in love. Certainly that is enough to make any man, especially
-such a sweet young gentleman as he is, to look a little otherwise than
-he did before. Lady, indeed! what the devil would the lady have better
-than such a handsome man with a great estate? I suppose she is one of
-your quality folks, one of your Townly ladies that we saw last night
-in the puppet-show, who don't know what they would be at."
-
-The attorney's clerk likewise declared he would have no concern in the
-business without the advice of counsel. "Suppose," says he, "an action
-of false imprisonment should be brought against us, what defence could
-we make? Who knows what may be sufficient evidence of madness to a
-jury? But I only speak upon my own account; for it don't look well for
-a lawyer to be concerned in these matters, unless it be as a lawyer.
-Juries are always less favourable to us than to other people. I don't
-therefore dissuade you, Mr Thomson (to the exciseman), nor the
-gentleman, nor anybody else."
-
-The exciseman shook his head at this speech, and the puppet-show man
-said, "Madness was sometimes a difficult matter for a jury to decide:
-for I remember," says he, "I was once present at a tryal of madness,
-where twenty witnesses swore that the person was as mad as a March
-hare; and twenty others, that he was as much in his senses as any man
-in England.--And indeed it was the opinion of most people, that it was
-only a trick of his relations to rob the poor man of his right."
-
-"Very likely!" cries the landlady. "I myself knew a poor gentleman who
-was kept in a mad-house all his life by his family, and they enjoyed
-his estate, but it did them no good; for though the law gave it them,
-it was the right of another."
-
-"Pogh!" cries the clerk, with great contempt, "who hath any right but
-what the law gives them? If the law gave me the best estate in the
-country, I should never trouble myself much who had the right."
-
-"If it be so," says Partridge, "_Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula
-cautum."_
-
-My landlord, who had been called out by the arrival of a horseman at
-the gate, now returned into the kitchen, and with an affrighted
-countenance cried out, "What do you think, gentlemen? The rebels have
-given the duke the slip, and are got almost to London. It is certainly
-true, for a man on horseback just now told me so."
-
-"I am glad of it with all my heart," cries Partridge; "then there will
-be no fighting in these parts."
-
-"I am glad," cries the clerk, "for a better reason; for I would always
-have right take place."
-
-"Ay, but," answered the landlord, "I have heard some people say this
-man hath no right."
-
-"I will prove the contrary in a moment," cries the clerk: "if my
-father dies seized of a right; do you mind me, seized of a right, I
-say; doth not that right descend to his son; and doth not one right
-descend as well as another?"
-
-"But how can he have any right to make us papishes?" says the
-landlord.
-
-"Never fear that," cries Partridge. "As to the matter of right, the
-gentleman there hath proved it as clear as the sun; and as to the
-matter of religion, it is quite out of the case. The papists
-themselves don't expect any such thing. A popish priest, whom I know
-very well, and who is a very honest man, told me upon his word and
-honour they had no such design."
-
-"And another priest, of my acquaintance," said the landlady, "hath
-told me the same thing; but my husband is always so afraid of
-papishes. I know a great many papishes that are very honest sort of
-people, and spend their money very freely; and it is always a maxim
-with me, that one man's money is as good as another's."
-
-"Very true, mistress," said the puppet-show man, "I don't care what
-religion comes; provided the Presbyterians are not uppermost; for they
-are enemies to puppet-shows."
-
-"And so you would sacrifice your religion to your interest," cries the
-exciseman; "and are desirous to see popery brought in, are you?"
-
-"Not I, truly," answered the other; "I hate popery as much as any man;
-but yet it is a comfort to one, that one should be able to live under
-it, which I could not do among Presbyterians. To be sure, every man
-values his livelihood first; that must be granted; and I warrant, if
-you would confess the truth, you are more afraid of losing your place
-than anything else; but never fear, friend, there will be an excise
-under another government as well as under this."
-
-"Why, certainly," replied the exciseman, "I should be a very ill man
-if I did not honour the king, whose bread I eat. That is no more than
-natural, as a man may say: for what signifies it to me that there
-would be an excise-office under another government, since my friends
-would be out, and I could expect no better than to follow them? No,
-no, friend, I shall never be bubbled out of my religion in hopes only
-of keeping my place under another government; for I should certainly
-be no better, and very probably might be worse."
-
-"Why, that is what I say," cries the landlord, "whenever folks say who
-knows what may happen! Odsooks! should not I be a blockhead to lend my
-money to I know not who, because mayhap he may return it again? I am
-sure it is safe in my own bureau, and there I will keep it."
-
-The attorney's clerk had taken a great fancy to the sagacity of
-Partridge. Whether this proceeded from the great discernment which the
-former had into men, as well as things, or whether it arose from the
-sympathy between their minds; for they were both truly Jacobites in
-principle; they now shook hands heartily, and drank bumpers of strong
-beer to healths which we think proper to bury in oblivion.
-
-These healths were afterwards pledged by all present, and even by my
-landlord himself, though reluctantly; but he could not withstand the
-menaces of the clerk, who swore he would never set his foot within his
-house again, if he refused. The bumpers which were swallowed on this
-occasion soon put an end to the conversation. Here, therefore, we will
-put an end to the chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-In which fortune seems to have been in a better humour with Jones than
-we have hitherto seen her.
-
-
-As there is no wholesomer, so perhaps there are few stronger, sleeping
-potions than fatigue. Of this Jones might be said to have taken a very
-large dose, and it operated very forcibly upon him. He had already
-slept nine hours, and might perhaps have slept longer, had he not been
-awakened by a most violent noise at his chamber-door, where the sound
-of many heavy blows was accompanied with many exclamations of murder.
-Jones presently leapt from his bed, where he found the master of the
-puppet-show belabouring the back and ribs of his poor Merry-Andrew,
-without either mercy or moderation.
-
-Jones instantly interposed on behalf of the suffering party, and
-pinned the insulting conqueror up to the wall: for the puppet-show man
-was no more able to contend with Jones than the poor party-coloured
-jester had been to contend with this puppet-man.
-
-But though the Merry-Andrew was a little fellow, and not very strong,
-he had nevertheless some choler about him. He therefore no sooner
-found himself delivered from the enemy, than he began to attack him
-with the only weapon at which he was his equal. From this he first
-discharged a volley of general abusive words, and thence proceeded to
-some particular accusations--"D--n your bl--d, you rascal," says he,
-"I have not only supported you (for to me you owe all the money you
-get), but I have saved you from the gallows. Did you not want to rob
-the lady of her fine riding-habit, no longer ago than yesterday, in
-the back-lane here? Can you deny that you wished to have her alone in
-a wood to strip her--to strip one of the prettiest ladies that ever
-was seen in the world? and here you have fallen upon me, and have
-almost murdered me, for doing no harm to a girl as willing as myself,
-only because she likes me better than you."
-
-Jones no sooner heard this than he quitted the master, laying on him
-at the same time the most violent injunctions of forbearance from any
-further insult on the Merry-Andrew; and then taking the poor wretch
-with him into his own apartment, he soon learned tidings of his
-Sophia, whom the fellow, as he was attending his master with his drum
-the day before, had seen pass by. He easily prevailed with the lad to
-show him the exact place, and then having summoned Partridge, he
-departed with the utmost expedition.
-
-It was almost eight of the clock before all matters could be got ready
-for his departure: for Partridge was not in any haste, nor could the
-reckoning be presently adjusted; and when both these were settled and
-over, Jones would not quit the place before he had perfectly
-reconciled all differences between the master and the man.
-
-When this was happily accomplished, he set forwards, and was by the
-trusty Merry-Andrew conducted to the spot by which Sophia had past;
-and then having handsomely rewarded his conductor, he again pushed on
-with the utmost eagerness, being highly delighted with the
-extraordinary manner in which he received his intelligence. Of this
-Partridge was no sooner acquainted, than he, with great earnestness,
-began to prophesy, and assured Jones that he would certainly have good
-success in the end: for, he said, "two such accidents could never have
-happened to direct him after his mistress, if Providence had not
-designed to bring them together at last." And this was the first time
-that Jones lent any attention to the superstitious doctrines of his
-companion.
-
-They had not gone above two miles when a violent storm of rain
-overtook them; and, as they happened to be at the same time in sight
-of an ale-house, Partridge, with much earnest entreaty, prevailed with
-Jones to enter, and weather the storm. Hunger is an enemy (if indeed
-it may be called one) which partakes more of the English than of the
-French disposition; for, though you subdue this never so often, it
-will always rally again in time; and so it did with Partridge, who was
-no sooner arrived within the kitchen, than he began to ask the same
-questions which he had asked the night before. The consequence of this
-was an excellent cold chine being produced upon the table, upon which
-not only Partridge, but Jones himself, made a very hearty breakfast,
-though the latter began to grow again uneasy, as the people of the
-house could give him no fresh information concerning Sophia.
-
-Their meal being over, Jones was again preparing to sally,
-notwithstanding the violence of the storm still continued; but
-Partridge begged heartily for another mug; and at last casting his
-eyes on a lad at the fire, who had entered into the kitchen, and who
-at that instant was looking as earnestly at him, he turned suddenly to
-Jones, and cried, "Master, give me your hand, a single mug shan't
-serve the turn this bout. Why, here's more news of Madam Sophia come
-to town. The boy there standing by the fire is the very lad that rode
-before her. I can swear to my own plaister on his face."--"Heavens
-bless you, sir," cries the boy, "it is your own plaister sure enough;
-I shall have always reason to remember your goodness; for it hath
-almost cured me."
-
-At these words Jones started from his chair, and, bidding the boy
-follow him immediately, departed from the kitchen into a private
-apartment; for, so delicate was he with regard to Sophia, that he
-never willingly mentioned her name in the presence of many people;
-and, though he had, as it were, from the overflowings of his heart,
-given Sophia as a toast among the officers, where he thought it was
-impossible she should be known; yet, even there, the reader may
-remember how difficultly he was prevailed upon to mention her surname.
-
-Hard therefore was it, and perhaps, in the opinion of many sagacious
-readers, very absurd and monstrous, that he should principally owe his
-present misfortune to the supposed want of that delicacy with which he
-so abounded; for, in reality, Sophia was much more offended at the
-freedoms which she thought (and not without good reason) he had taken
-with her name and character, than at any freedoms, in which, under his
-present circumstances, he had indulged himself with the person of
-another woman; and to say truth, I believe Honour could never have
-prevailed on her to leave Upton without her seeing Jones, had it not
-been for those two strong instances of a levity in his behaviour, so
-void of respect, and indeed so highly inconsistent with any degree of
-love and tenderness in great and delicate minds.
-
-But so matters fell out, and so I must relate them; and if any reader
-is shocked at their appearing unnatural, I cannot help it. I must
-remind such persons that I am not writing a system, but a history, and
-I am not obliged to reconcile every matter to the received notions
-concerning truth and nature. But if this was never so easy to do,
-perhaps it might be more prudent in me to avoid it. For instance, as
-the fact at present before us now stands, without any comment of mine
-upon it, though it may at first sight offend some readers, yet, upon
-more mature consideration, it must please all; for wise and good men
-may consider what happened to Jones at Upton as a just punishment for
-his wickedness with regard to women, of which it was indeed the
-immediate consequence; and silly and bad persons may comfort
-themselves in their vices by flattering their own hearts that the
-characters of men are rather owing to accident than to virtue. Now,
-perhaps the reflections which we should be here inclined to draw would
-alike contradict both these conclusions, and would show that these
-incidents contribute only to confirm the great, useful, and uncommon
-doctrine, which it is the purpose of this whole work to inculcate, and
-which we must not fill up our pages by frequently repeating, as an
-ordinary parson fills his sermon by repeating his text at the end of
-every paragraph.
-
-We are contented that it must appear, however unhappily Sophia had
-erred in her opinion of Jones, she had sufficient reason for her
-opinion; since, I believe, every other young lady would, in her
-situation, have erred in the same manner. Nay, had she followed her
-lover at this very time, and had entered this very alehouse the moment
-he was departed from it, she would have found the landlord as well
-acquainted with her name and person as the wench at Upton had appeared
-to be. For while Jones was examining his boy in whispers in an inner
-room, Partridge, who had no such delicacy in his disposition, was in
-the kitchen very openly catechising the other guide who had attended
-Mrs Fitzpatrick; by which means the landlord, whose ears were open on
-all such occasions, became perfectly well acquainted with the tumble
-of Sophia from her horse, &c., with the mistake concerning Jenny
-Cameron, with the many consequences of the punch, and, in short, with
-almost everything which had happened at the inn whence we despatched
-our ladies in a coach-and-six when we last took our leaves of them.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing little more than a few odd observations.
-
-
-Jones had been absent a full half-hour, when he returned into the
-kitchen in a hurry, desiring the landlord to let him know that instant
-what was to pay. And now the concern which Partridge felt at being
-obliged to quit the warm chimney-corner, and a cup of excellent
-liquor, was somewhat compensated by hearing that he was to proceed no
-farther on foot, for Jones, by golden arguments, had prevailed with
-the boy to attend him back to the inn whither he had before conducted
-Sophia; but to this however the lad consented, upon condition that the
-other guide would wait for him at the alehouse; because, as the
-landlord at Upton was an intimate acquaintance of the landlord at
-Gloucester, it might some time or other come to the ears of the latter
-that his horses had been let to more than one person; and so the boy
-might be brought to account for money which he wisely intended to put
-in his own pocket.
-
-We were obliged to mention this circumstance, trifling as it may seem,
-since it retarded Mr Jones a considerable time in his setting out; for
-the honesty of this latter boy was somewhat high--that is, somewhat
-high-priced, and would indeed have cost Jones very dear, had not
-Partridge, who, as we have said, was a very cunning fellow, artfully
-thrown in half-a-crown to be spent at that very alehouse, while the
-boy was waiting for his companion. This half-crown the landlord no
-sooner got scent of, than he opened after it with such vehement and
-persuasive outcry, that the boy was soon overcome, and consented to
-take half-a-crown more for his stay. Here we cannot help observing,
-that as there is so much of policy in the lowest life, great men often
-overvalue themselves on those refinements in imposture, in which they
-are frequently excelled by some of the lowest of the human species.
-
-The horses being now produced, Jones directly leapt into the
-side-saddle, on which his dear Sophia had rid. The lad, indeed, very
-civilly offered him the use of his; but he chose the side-saddle,
-probably because it was softer. Partridge, however, though full as
-effeminate as Jones, could not bear the thoughts of degrading his
-manhood; he therefore accepted the boy's offer: and now, Jones being
-mounted on the side-saddle of his Sophia, the boy on that of Mrs
-Honour, and Partridge bestriding the third horse, they set forwards on
-their journey, and within four hours arrived at the inn where the
-reader hath already spent so much time. Partridge was in very high
-spirits during the whole way, and often mentioned to Jones the many
-good omens of his future success which had lately befriended him; and
-which the reader, without being the least superstitious, must allow to
-have been particularly fortunate. Partridge was moreover better
-pleased with the present pursuit of his companion than he had been
-with his pursuit of glory; and from these very omens, which assured
-the pedagogue of success, he likewise first acquired a clear idea of
-the amour between Jones and Sophia; to which he had before given very
-little attention, as he had originally taken a wrong scent concerning
-the reasons of Jones's departure; and as to what happened at Upton, he
-was too much frightened just before and after his leaving that place
-to draw any other conclusions from thence than that poor Jones was a
-downright madman: a conceit which was not at all disagreeable to the
-opinion he before had of his extraordinary wildness, of which, he
-thought, his behaviour on their quitting Gloucester so well justified
-all the accounts he had formerly received. He was now, however, pretty
-well satisfied with his present expedition, and henceforth began to
-conceive much worthier sentiments of his friend's understanding.
-
-The clock had just struck three when they arrived, and Jones
-immediately bespoke post-horses; but unluckily there was not a horse
-to be procured in the whole place; which the reader will not wonder at
-when he considers the hurry in which the whole nation, and especially
-this part of it, was at this time engaged, when expresses were passing
-and repassing every hour of the day and night.
-
-Jones endeavoured all he could to prevail with his former guide to
-escorte him to Coventry; but he was inexorable. While he was arguing
-with the boy in the inn-yard, a person came up to him, and saluting
-him by his name, enquired how all the good family did in
-Somersetshire; and now Jones casting his eyes upon this person,
-presently discovered him to be Mr Dowling, the lawyer, with whom he
-had dined at Gloucester, and with much courtesy returned the
-salutation.
-
-Dowling very earnestly pressed Mr Jones to go no further that night;
-and backed his solicitations with many unanswerable arguments, such
-as, that it was almost dark, that the roads were very dirty, and that
-he would be able to travel much better by day-light, with many others
-equally good, some of which Jones had probably suggested to himself
-before; but as they were then ineffectual, so they were still: and he
-continued resolute in his design, even though he should be obliged to
-set out on foot.
-
-When the good attorney found he could not prevail on Jones to stay, he
-as strenuously applied himself to persuade the guide to accompany him.
-He urged many motives to induce him to undertake this short journey,
-and at last concluded with saying, "Do you think the gentleman won't
-very well reward you for your trouble?"
-
-Two to one are odds at every other thing as well as at foot-ball. But
-the advantage which this united force hath in persuasion or entreaty
-must have been visible to a curious observer; for he must have often
-seen, that when a father, a master, a wife, or any other person in
-authority, have stoutly adhered to a denial against all the reasons
-which a single man could produce, they have afterwards yielded to the
-repetition of the same sentiments by a second or third person, who
-hath undertaken the cause, without attempting to advance anything new
-in its behalf. And hence, perhaps, proceeds the phrase of seconding an
-argument or a motion, and the great consequence this is of in all
-assemblies of public debate. Hence, likewise, probably it is, that in
-our courts of law we often hear a learned gentleman (generally a
-serjeant) repeating for an hour together what another learned
-gentleman, who spoke just before him, had been saying.
-
-Instead of accounting for this, we shall proceed in our usual manner
-to exemplify it in the conduct of the lad above mentioned, who
-submitted to the persuasions of Mr Dowling, and promised once more to
-admit Jones into his side-saddle; but insisted on first giving the
-poor creatures a good bait, saying, they had travelled a great way,
-and been rid very hard. Indeed this caution of the boy was needless;
-for Jones, notwithstanding his hurry and impatience, would have
-ordered this of himself; for he by no means agreed with the opinion of
-those who consider animals as mere machines, and when they bury their
-spurs in the belly of their horse, imagine the spur and the horse to
-have an equal capacity of feeling pain.
-
-While the beasts were eating their corn, or rather were supposed to
-eat it (for, as the boy was taking care of himself in the kitchen, the
-ostler took great care that his corn should not be consumed in the
-stable), Mr Jones, at the earnest desire of Mr Dowling, accompanied
-that gentleman into his room, where they sat down together over a
-bottle of wine.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-In which Mr Jones and Mr Dowling drink a bottle together.
-
-
-Mr Dowling, pouring out a glass of wine, named the health of the good
-Squire Allworthy; adding, "If you please, sir, we will likewise
-remember his nephew and heir, the young squire: Come, sir, here's Mr
-Blifil to you, a very pretty young gentleman; and who, I dare swear,
-will hereafter make a very considerable figure in his country. I have
-a borough for him myself in my eye."
-
-"Sir," answered Jones, "I am convinced you don't intend to affront me,
-so I shall not resent it; but I promise you, you have joined two
-persons very improperly together; for one is the glory of the human
-species, and the other is a rascal who dishonours the name of man."
-
-Dowling stared at this. He said, "He thought both the gentlemen had a
-very unexceptionable character. As for Squire Allworthy himself," says
-he, "I never had the happiness to see him; but all the world talks of
-his goodness. And, indeed, as to the young gentleman, I never saw him
-but once, when I carried him the news of the loss of his mother; and
-then I was so hurried, and drove, and tore with the multiplicity of
-business, that I had hardly time to converse with him; but he looked
-so like a very honest gentleman, and behaved himself so prettily, that
-I protest I never was more delighted with any gentleman since I was
-born."
-
-"I don't wonder," answered Jones, "that he should impose upon you in
-so short an acquaintance; for he hath the cunning of the devil
-himself, and you may live with him many years, without discovering
-him. I was bred up with him from my infancy, and we were hardly ever
-asunder; but it is very lately only that I have discovered half the
-villany which is in him. I own I never greatly liked him. I thought he
-wanted that generosity of spirit, which is the sure foundation of all
-that is great and noble in human nature. I saw a selfishness in him
-long ago which I despised; but it is lately, very lately, that I have
-found him capable of the basest and blackest designs; for, indeed, I
-have at last found out, that he hath taken an advantage of the
-openness of my own temper, and hath concerted the deepest project, by
-a long train of wicked artifice, to work my ruin, which at last he
-hath effected."
-
-"Ay! ay!" cries Dowling; "I protest, then, it is a pity such a person
-should inherit the great estate of your uncle Allworthy."
-
-"Alas, sir," cries Jones, "you do me an honour to which I have no
-title. It is true, indeed, his goodness once allowed me the liberty of
-calling him by a much nearer name; but as this was only a voluntary
-act of goodness, I can complain of no injustice when he thinks proper
-to deprive me of this honour; since the loss cannot be more unmerited
-than the gift originally was. I assure you, sir, I am no relation of
-Mr Allworthy; and if the world, who are incapable of setting a true
-value on his virtue, should think, in his behaviour to me, he hath
-dealt hardly by a relation, they do an injustice to the best of men:
-for I--but I ask your pardon, I shall trouble you with no particulars
-relating to myself; only as you seemed to think me a relation of Mr
-Allworthy, I thought proper to set you right in a matter that might
-draw some censures upon him, which I promise you I would rather lose
-my life than give occasion to."
-
-"I protest, sir," cried Dowling, "you talk very much like a man of
-honour; but instead of giving me any trouble, I protest it would give
-me great pleasure to know how you came to be thought a relation of Mr
-Allworthy's, if you are not. Your horses won't be ready this
-half-hour, and as you have sufficient opportunity, I wish you would
-tell me how all that happened; for I protest it seems very surprizing
-that you should pass for a relation of a gentleman, without being so."
-
-Jones, who in the compliance of his disposition (though not in his
-prudence) a little resembled his lovely Sophia, was easily prevailed
-on to satisfy Mr Dowling's curiosity, by relating the history of his
-birth and education, which he did, like Othello.
-
-          ------Even from his boyish years,
-      To th' very moment he was bad to tell:
-
-the which to hear, Dowling, like Desdemona, did seriously incline;
-
-     He swore 'twas strange, 'twas passing strange;
-     'Twas pitiful, 'twas wonderous pitiful.
-
-Mr Dowling was indeed very greatly affected with this relation; for he
-had not divested himself of humanity by being an attorney. Indeed,
-nothing is more unjust than to carry our prejudices against a
-profession into private life, and to borrow our idea of a man from our
-opinion of his calling. Habit, it is true, lessens the horror of those
-actions which the profession makes necessary, and consequently
-habitual; but in all other instances, Nature works in men of all
-professions alike; nay, perhaps, even more strongly with those who
-give her, as it were, a holiday, when they are following their
-ordinary business. A butcher, I make no doubt, would feel compunction
-at the slaughter of a fine horse; and though a surgeon can feel no
-pain in cutting off a limb, I have known him compassionate a man in a
-fit of the gout. The common hangman, who hath stretched the necks of
-hundreds, is known to have trembled at his first operation on a head:
-and the very professors of human blood-shedding, who, in their trade
-of war, butcher thousands, not only of their fellow-professors, but
-often of women and children, without remorse; even these, I say, in
-times of peace, when drums and trumpets are laid aside, often lay
-aside all their ferocity, and become very gentle members of civil
-society. In the same manner an attorney may feel all the miseries and
-distresses of his fellow-creatures, provided he happens not to be
-concerned against them.
-
-Jones, as the reader knows, was yet unacquainted with the very black
-colours in which he had been represented to Mr Allworthy; and as to
-other matters, he did not shew them in the most disadvantageous light;
-for though he was unwilling to cast any blame on his former friend and
-patron; yet he was not very desirous of heaping too much upon himself.
-Dowling therefore observed, and not without reason, that very ill
-offices must have been done him by somebody: "For certainly," cries
-he, "the squire would never have disinherited you only for a few
-faults, which any young gentleman might have committed. Indeed, I
-cannot properly say disinherited: for to be sure by law you cannot
-claim as heir. That's certain; that nobody need go to counsel for. Yet
-when a gentleman had in a manner adopted you thus as his own son, you
-might reasonably have expected some very considerable part, if not the
-whole; nay, if you had expected the whole, I should not have blamed
-you: for certainly all men are for getting as much as they can, and
-they are not to be blamed on that account."
-
-"Indeed you wrong me," said Jones; "I should have been contented with
-very little: I never had any view upon Mr Allworthy's fortune; nay, I
-believe I may truly say, I never once considered what he could or
-might give me. This I solemnly declare, if he had done a prejudice to
-his nephew in my favour, I would have undone it again. I had rather
-enjoy my own mind than the fortune of another man. What is the poor
-pride arising from a magnificent house, a numerous equipage, a
-splendid table, and from all the other advantages or appearances of
-fortune, compared to the warm, solid content, the swelling
-satisfaction, the thrilling transports, and the exulting triumphs,
-which a good mind enjoys, in the contemplation of a generous,
-virtuous, noble, benevolent action? I envy not Blifil in the prospect
-of his wealth; nor shall I envy him in the possession of it. I would
-not think myself a rascal half an hour, to exchange situations. I
-believe, indeed, Mr Blifil suspected me of the views you mention; and
-I suppose these suspicions, as they arose from the baseness of his own
-heart, so they occasioned his baseness to me. But, I thank Heaven, I
-know, I feel--I feel my innocence, my friend; and I would not part
-with that feeling for the world. For as long as I know I have never
-done, nor even designed, an injury to any being whatever,
-
-     _Pone me pigris ubi nulla campis
-     Arbor aestiva recreatur aura,
-     Quod latus mundi nebulae, malusque
-     Jupiter urget.
-
-     Pone sub curru nimium propinqui
-     Solis in terra dominibus negata;
-     Dulce ridentem Lalagen amabo,
-     Dulce loquentem._[*]
-
-     [*] Place me where never summer breeze
-     Unbinds the glebe, or warms the trees:
-     Where ever-lowering clouds appear,
-     And angry Jove deforms th' inclement year.
-
-     Place me beneath the burning ray,
-     Where rolls the rapid car of day;
-     Love and the nymph shall charm my toils,
-     The nymph who sweetly speaks, and sweetly smiles.
-                                          MR FRANCIS.
-
-He then filled a bumper of wine, and drunk it off to the health of his
-dear Lalage; and, filling Dowling's glass likewise up to the brim,
-insisted on his pledging him. "Why, then, here's Miss Lalage's health
-with all my heart," cries Dowling. "I have heard her toasted often, I
-protest, though I never saw her; but they say she's extremely
-handsome."
-
-Though the Latin was not the only part of this speech which Dowling
-did not perfectly understand; yet there was somewhat in it that made a
-very strong impression upon him. And though he endeavoured by winking,
-nodding, sneering, and grinning, to hide the impression from Jones
-(for we are as often ashamed of thinking right as of thinking wrong),
-it is certain he secretly approved as much of his sentiments as he
-understood, and really felt a very strong impulse of compassion for
-him. But we may possibly take some other opportunity of commenting
-upon this, especially if we should happen to meet Mr Dowling any more
-in the course of our history. At present we are obliged to take our
-leave of that gentleman a little abruptly, in imitation of Mr Jones;
-who was no sooner informed, by Partridge, that his horses were ready,
-than he deposited his reckoning, wished his companion a good night,
-mounted, and set forward towards Coventry, though the night was dark,
-and it just then began to rain very hard.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-The disasters which befel Jones on his departure for Coventry; with
-the sage remarks of Partridge.
-
-
-No road can be plainer than that from the place where they now were to
-Coventry; and though neither Jones, nor Partridge, nor the guide, had
-ever travelled it before, it would have been almost impossible to have
-missed their way, had it not been for the two reasons mentioned in the
-conclusion of the last chapter.
-
-These two circumstances, however, happening both unfortunately to
-intervene, our travellers deviated into a much less frequented track;
-and after riding full six miles, instead of arriving at the stately
-spires of Coventry, they found themselves still in a very dirty lane,
-where they saw no symptoms of approaching the suburbs of a large city.
-
-Jones now declared that they must certainly have lost their way; but
-this the guide insisted upon was impossible; a word which, in common
-conversation, is often used to signify not only improbable, but often
-what is really very likely, and, sometimes, what hath certainly
-happened; an hyperbolical violence like that which is so frequently
-offered to the words infinite and eternal; by the former of which it
-is usual to express a distance of half a yard, and by the latter, a
-duration of five minutes. And thus it is as usual to assert the
-impossibility of losing what is already actually lost. This was, in
-fact, the case at present; for, notwithstanding all the confident
-assertions of the lad to the contrary, it is certain they were no more
-in the right road to Coventry, than the fraudulent, griping, cruel,
-canting miser is in the right road to heaven.
-
-It is not, perhaps, easy for a reader, who hath never been in those
-circumstances, to imagine the horror with which darkness, rain, and
-wind, fill persons who have lost their way in the night; and who,
-consequently, have not the pleasant prospect of warm fires, dry
-cloaths, and other refreshments, to support their minds in struggling
-with the inclemencies of the weather. A very imperfect idea of this
-horror will, however, serve sufficiently to account for the conceits
-which now filled the head of Partridge, and which we shall presently
-be obliged to open.
-
-Jones grew more and more positive that they were out of their road;
-and the boy himself at last acknowledged he believed they were not in
-the right road to Coventry; though he affirmed, at the same time, it
-was impossible they should have mist the way. But Partridge was of a
-different opinion. He said, "When they first set out he imagined some
-mischief or other would happen.--Did not you observe, sir," said he to
-Jones, "that old woman who stood at the door just as you was taking
-horse? I wish you had given her a small matter, with all my heart; for
-she said then you might repent it; and at that very instant it began
-to rain, and the wind hath continued rising ever since. Whatever some
-people may think, I am very certain it is in the power of witches to
-raise the wind whenever they please. I have seen it happen very often
-in my time: and if ever I saw a witch in all my life, that old woman
-was certainly one. I thought so to myself at that very time; and if I
-had had any halfpence in my pocket, I would have given her some; for
-to be sure it is always good to be charitable to those sort of people,
-for fear what may happen; and many a person hath lost his cattle by
-saving a halfpenny."
-
-Jones, though he was horridly vexed at the delay which this mistake
-was likely to occasion in his journey, could not help smiling at the
-superstition of his friend, whom an accident now greatly confirmed in
-his opinion. This was a tumble from his horse; by which, however, he
-received no other injury than what the dirt conferred on his cloaths.
-
-Partridge had no sooner recovered his legs, than he appealed to his
-fall, as conclusive evidence of all he had asserted; but Jones finding
-he was unhurt, answered with a smile: "This witch of yours, Partridge,
-is a most ungrateful jade, and doth not, I find, distinguish her
-friends from others in her resentment. If the old lady had been angry
-with me for neglecting her, I don't see why she should tumble you from
-your horse, after all the respect you have expressed for her."
-
-"It is ill jesting," cries Partridge, "with people who have power to
-do these things; for they are often very malicious. I remember a
-farrier, who provoked one of them, by asking her when the time she had
-bargained with the devil for would be out; and within three months
-from that very day one of his best cows was drowned. Nor was she
-satisfied with that; for a little time afterwards he lost a barrel of
-best-drink: for the old witch pulled out the spigot, and let it run
-all over the cellar, the very first evening he had tapped it to make
-merry with some of his neighbours. In short, nothing ever thrived with
-him afterwards; for she worried the poor man so, that he took to
-drinking; and in a year or two his stock was seized, and he and his
-family are now come to the parish."
-
-The guide, and perhaps his horse too, were both so attentive to this
-discourse, that, either through want of care, or by the malice of the
-witch, they were now both sprawling in the dirt.
-
-Partridge entirely imputed this fall, as he had done his own, to the
-same cause. He told Mr Jones, "It would certainly be his turn next;
-and earnestly entreated him to return back, and find out the old
-woman, and pacify her. We shall very soon," added he, "reach the inn;
-for though we have seemed to go forward, I am very certain we are in
-the identical place in which we were an hour ago; and I dare swear, if
-it was daylight, we might now see the inn we set out from."
-
-Instead of returning any answer to this sage advice, Jones was
-entirely attentive to what had happened to the boy, who received no
-other hurt than what had before befallen Partridge, and which his
-cloaths very easily bore, as they had been for many years inured to
-the like. He soon regained his side-saddle, and by the hearty curses
-and blows which he bestowed on his horse, quickly satisfied Mr Jones
-that no harm was done.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-Relates that Mr Jones continued his journey, contrary to the advice of
-Partridge, with what happened on that occasion.
-
-
-They now discovered a light at some distance, to the great pleasure of
-Jones, and to the no small terror of Partridge, who firmly believed
-himself to be bewitched, and that this light was a Jack-with-a-lantern,
-or somewhat more mischievous.
-
-But how were these fears increased, when, as they approached nearer to
-this light (or lights as they now appeared), they heard a confused
-sound of human voices; of singing, laughing, and hallowing, together
-with a strange noise that seemed to proceed from some instruments; but
-could hardly be allowed the name of music! indeed, to favour a little
-the opinion of Partridge, it might very well be called music
-bewitched.
-
-It is impossible to conceive a much greater degree of horror than what
-now seized on Partridge; the contagion of which had reached the
-post-boy, who had been very attentive to many things that the other
-had uttered. He now, therefore, joined in petitioning Jones to return;
-saying he firmly believed what Partridge had just before said, that
-though the horses seemed to go on, they had not moved a step forwards
-during at least the last half-hour.
-
-Jones could not help smiling in the midst of his vexation, at the
-fears of these poor fellows. "Either we advance," says he, "towards
-the lights, or the lights have advanced towards us; for we are now at
-a very little distance from them; but how can either of you be afraid
-of a set of people who appear only to be merry-making?"
-
-"Merry-making, sir!" cries Partridge; "who could be merry-making at
-this time of night, and in such a place, and such weather? They can be
-nothing but ghosts or witches, or some evil spirits or other, that's
-certain."
-
-"Let them be what they will," cries Jones, "I am resolved to go up to
-them, and enquire the way to Coventry. All witches, Partridge, are not
-such ill-natured hags as that we had the misfortune to meet with
-last."
-
-"O Lord, sir," cries Partridge, "there is no knowing what humour they
-will be in; to be sure it is always best to be civil to them; but what
-if we should meet with something worse than witches, with evil spirits
-themselves?----Pray, sir, be advised; pray, sir, do. If you had read
-so many terrible accounts as I have of these matters, you would not be
-so fool-hardy.----The Lord knows whither we have got already, or
-whither we are going; for sure such darkness was never seen upon
-earth, and I question whether it can be darker in the other world."
-
-Jones put forwards as fast as he could, notwithstanding all these
-hints and cautions, and poor Partridge was obliged to follow; for
-though he hardly dared to advance, he dared still less to stay behind
-by himself.
-
-At length they arrived at the place whence the lights and different
-noises had issued. This Jones perceived to be no other than a barn,
-where a great number of men and women were assembled, and diverting
-themselves with much apparent jollity.
-
-Jones no sooner appeared before the great doors of the barn, which
-were open, than a masculine and very rough voice from within demanded,
-who was there?--To which Jones gently answered, a friend; and
-immediately asked the road to Coventry.
-
-"If you are a friend," cries another of the men in the barn, "you had
-better alight till the storm is over" (for indeed it was now more
-violent than ever;) "you are very welcome to put up your horse; for
-there is sufficient room for him at the end of the barn."
-
-"You are very obliging," returned Jones; "and I will accept your offer
-for a few minutes, whilst the rain continues; and here are two more
-who will be glad of the same favour." This was accorded with more
-good-will than it was accepted: for Partridge would rather have
-submitted to the utmost inclemency of the weather than have trusted to
-the clemency of those whom he took for hobgoblins; and the poor
-post-boy was now infected with the same apprehensions; but they were
-both obliged to follow the example of Jones; the one because he durst
-not leave his horse, and the other because he feared nothing so much
-as being left by himself.
-
-Had this history been writ in the days of superstition, I should have
-had too much compassion for the reader to have left him so long in
-suspense, whether Beelzebub or Satan was about actually to appear in
-person, with all his hellish retinue; but as these doctrines are at
-present very unfortunate, and have but few, if any believers, I have
-not been much aware of conveying any such terrors. To say truth, the
-whole furniture of the infernal regions hath long been appropriated by
-the managers of playhouses, who seem lately to have laid them by as
-rubbish, capable only of affecting the upper gallery; a place in which
-few of our readers ever sit.
-
-However, though we do not suspect raising any great terror on this
-occasion, we have reason to fear some other apprehensions may here
-arise in our reader, into which we would not willingly betray him; I
-mean that we are going to take a voyage into fairy-land, and introduce
-a set of beings into our history, which scarce any one was ever
-childish enough to believe, though many have been foolish enough to
-spend their time in writing and reading their adventures.
-
-To prevent, therefore, any such suspicions, so prejudicial to the
-credit of an historian, who professes to draw his materials from
-nature only, we shall now proceed to acquaint the reader who these
-people were, whose sudden appearance had struck such terrors into
-Partridge, had more than half frightened the post-boy, and had a
-little surprized even Mr Jones himself.
-
-The people then assembled in this barn were no other than a company of
-Egyptians, or, as they are vulgarly called, gypsies, and they were now
-celebrating the wedding of one of their society.
-
-It is impossible to conceive a happier set of people than appeared
-here to be met together. The utmost mirth, indeed, shewed itself in
-every countenance; nor was their ball totally void of all order and
-decorum. Perhaps it had more than a country assembly is sometimes
-conducted with: for these people are subject to a formal government
-and laws of their own, and all pay obedience to one great magistrate,
-whom they call their king.
-
-Greater plenty, likewise, was nowhere to be seen than what flourished
-in this barn. Here was indeed no nicety nor elegance, nor did the keen
-appetite of the guests require any. Here was good store of bacon,
-fowls, and mutton, to which every one present provided better sauce
-himself than the best and dearest French cook can prepare.
-
-Aeneas is not described under more consternation in the temple of
-Juno,
-
-_Dum stupet obtutuque haeret defixus in uno_,
-
-than was our heroe at what he saw in this barn. While he was looking
-everywhere round him with astonishment, a venerable person approached
-him with many friendly salutations, rather of too hearty a kind to be
-called courtly. This was no other than the king of the gypsies
-himself. He was very little distinguished in dress from his subjects,
-nor had he any regalia of majesty to support his dignity; and yet
-there seemed (as Mr Jones said) to be somewhat in his air which
-denoted authority, and inspired the beholders with an idea of awe and
-respect; though all this was perhaps imaginary in Jones; and the truth
-may be, that such ideas are incident to power, and almost inseparable
-from it.
-
-There was somewhat in the open countenance and courteous behaviour of
-Jones which, being accompanied with much comeliness of person, greatly
-recommended him at first sight to every beholder. These were, perhaps,
-a little heightened in the present instance, by that profound respect
-which he paid to the king of the gypsies, the moment he was acquainted
-with his dignity, and which was the sweeter to his gypseian majesty,
-as he was not used to receive such homage from any but his own
-subjects.
-
-The king ordered a table to be spread with the choicest of their
-provisions for his accommodation; and, having placed himself at his
-right hand, his majesty began to discourse with our heroe in the
-following manner:--
-
-"Me doubt not, sir, but you have often seen some of my people, who are
-what you call de parties detache: for dey go about everywhere; but me
-fancy you imagine not we be so considrable body as we be; and may be
-you will be surprize more when you hear de gypsy be as orderly and
-well govern people as any upon face of de earth.
-
-"Me have honour, as me say, to be deir king, and no monarch can do
-boast of more dutiful subject, ne no more affectionate. How far me
-deserve deir good-will, me no say; but dis me can say, dat me never
-design anyting but to do dem good. Me sall no do boast of dat neider:
-for what can me do oderwise dan consider of de good of dose poor
-people who go about all day to give me always de best of what dey get.
-Dey love and honour me darefore, because me do love and take care of
-dem; dat is all, me know no oder reason.
-
-"About a tousand or two tousand year ago, me cannot tell to a year or
-two, as can neider write nor read, dere was a great what you call--a
-volution among de gypsy; for dere was de lord gypsy in dose days; and
-dese lord did quarrel vid one anoder about de place; but de king of de
-gypsy did demolish dem all, and made all his subject equal vid each
-oder; and since dat time dey have agree very well; for dey no tink of
-being king, and may be it be better for dem as dey be; for me assure
-you it be ver troublesome ting to be king, and always to do justice;
-me have often wish to be de private gypsy when me have been forced to
-punish my dear friend and relation; for dough we never put to death,
-our punishments be ver severe. Dey make de gypsy ashamed of demselves,
-and dat be ver terrible punishment; me ave scarce ever known de gypsy
-so punish do harm any more."
-
-The king then proceeded to express some wonder that there was no such
-punishment as shame in other governments. Upon which Jones assured him
-to the contrary; for that there were many crimes for which shame was
-inflicted by the English laws, and that it was indeed one consequence
-of all punishment. "Dat be ver strange," said the king; "for me know
-and hears good deal of your people, dough me no live among dem; and me
-have often hear dat sham is de consequence and de cause too of many of
-your rewards. Are your rewards and punishments den de same ting?"
-
-While his majesty was thus discoursing with Jones, a sudden uproar
-arose in the barn, and as it seems upon this occasion:--the courtesy
-of these people had by degrees removed all the apprehensions of
-Partridge, and he was prevailed upon not only to stuff himself with
-their food, but to taste some of their liquors, which by degrees
-entirely expelled all fear from his composition, and in its stead
-introduced much more agreeable sensations.
-
-A young female gypsy, more remarkable for her wit than her beauty, had
-decoyed the honest fellow aside, pretending to tell his fortune. Now,
-when they were alone together in a remote part of the barn, whether it
-proceeded from the strong liquor, which is never so apt to inflame
-inordinate desire as after moderate fatigue; or whether the fair gypsy
-herself threw aside the delicacy and decency of her sex, and tempted
-the youth Partridge with express solicitations; but they were
-discovered in a very improper manner by the husband of the gypsy, who,
-from jealousy it seems, had kept a watchful eye over his wife, and had
-dogged her to the place, where he found her in the arms of her
-gallant.
-
-To the great confusion of Jones, Partridge was now hurried before the
-king; who heard the accusation, and likewise the culprit's defence,
-which was indeed very trifling; for the poor fellow was confounded by
-the plain evidence which appeared against him, and had very little to
-say for himself. His majesty, then turning towards Jones, said, "Sir,
-you have hear what dey say; what punishment do you tink your man
-deserve?"
-
-Jones answered, "He was sorry for what had happened, and that
-Partridge should make the husband all the amends in his power: he
-said, he had very little money about him at that time;" and, putting
-his hand into his pocket, offered the fellow a guinea. To which he
-immediately answered, "He hoped his honour would not think of giving
-him less than five."
-
-This sum, after some altercation, was reduced to two; and Jones,
-having stipulated for the full forgiveness of both Partridge and the
-wife, was going to pay the money; when his majesty, restraining his
-hand, turned to the witness and asked him, "At what time he had
-discovered the criminals?" To which he answered, "That he had been
-desired by the husband to watch the motions of his wife from her first
-speaking to the stranger, and that he had never lost sight of her
-afterwards till the crime had been committed." The king then asked,
-"if the husband was with him all that time in his lurking-place?" To
-which he answered in the affirmative. His Egyptian majesty then
-addressed himself to the husband as follows: "Me be sorry to see any
-gypsy dat have no more honour dan to sell de honour of his wife for
-money. If you had de love for your wife, you would have prevented dis
-matter, and not endeavour to make her de whore dat you might discover
-her. Me do order dat you have no money given you, for you deserve
-punishment, not reward; me do order derefore, dat you be de infamous
-gypsy, and do wear pair of horns upon your forehead for one month, and
-dat your wife be called de whore, and pointed at all dat time; for you
-be de infamous gypsy, but she be no less de infamous whore."
-
-The gypsies immediately proceeded to execute the sentence, and left
-Jones and Partridge alone with his majesty.
-
-Jones greatly applauded the justice of the sentence: upon which the
-king, turning to him, said, "Me believe you be surprize: for me
-suppose you have ver bad opinion of my people; me suppose you tink us
-all de tieves."
-
-"I must confess, sir," said Jones, "I have not heard so favourable an
-account of them as they seem to deserve."
-
-"Me vil tell you," said the king, "how the difference is between you
-and us. My people rob your people, and your people rob one anoder."
-
-Jones afterwards proceeded very gravely to sing forth the happiness of
-those subjects who live under such a magistrate.
-
-Indeed their happiness appears to have been so compleat, that we are
-aware lest some advocate for arbitrary power should hereafter quote
-the case of those people, as an instance of the great advantages which
-attend that government above all others.
-
-And here we will make a concession, which would not perhaps have been
-expected from us, that no limited form of government is capable of
-rising to the same degree of perfection, or of producing the same
-benefits to society, with this. Mankind have never been so happy, as
-when the greatest part of the then known world was under the dominion
-of a single master; and this state of their felicity continued during
-the reigns of five successive princes.[*] This was the true aera of
-the golden age, and the only golden age which ever had any existence,
-unless in the warm imaginations of the poets, from the expulsion from
-Eden down to this day.
-
-  [*] Nerva, Trajan, Adrian, and the two Antonini.
-
-In reality, I know but of one solid objection to absolute monarchy.
-The only defect in which excellent constitution seems to be, the
-difficulty of finding any man adequate to the office of an absolute
-monarch: for this indispensably requires three qualities very
-difficult, as it appears from history, to be found in princely
-natures: first, a sufficient quantity of moderation in the prince, to
-be contented with all the power which is possible for him to have.
-2ndly, Enough of wisdom to know his own happiness. And, 3rdly,
-Goodness sufficient to support the happiness of others, when not only
-compatible with, but instrumental to his own.
-
-Now if an absolute monarch, with all these great and rare
-qualifications, should be allowed capable of conferring the greatest
-good on society; it must be surely granted, on the contrary, that
-absolute power, vested in the hands of one who is deficient in them
-all, is likely to be attended with no less a degree of evil.
-
-In short, our own religion furnishes us with adequate ideas of the
-blessing, as well as curse, which may attend absolute power. The
-pictures of heaven and of hell will place a very lively image of both
-before our eyes; for though the prince of the latter can have no power
-but what he originally derives from the omnipotent Sovereign in the
-former, yet it plainly appears from Scripture that absolute power in
-his infernal dominions is granted to their diabolical ruler. This is
-indeed the only absolute power which can by Scripture be derived from
-heaven. If, therefore, the several tyrannies upon earth can prove any
-title to a Divine authority, it must be derived from this original
-grant to the prince of darkness; and these subordinate deputations
-must consequently come immediately from him whose stamp they so
-expressly bear.
-
-To conclude, as the examples of all ages shew us that mankind in
-general desire power only to do harm, and, when they obtain it, use it
-for no other purpose; it is not consonant with even the least degree
-of prudence to hazard an alteration, where our hopes are poorly kept
-in countenance by only two or three exceptions out of a thousand
-instances to alarm our fears. In this case it will be much wiser to
-submit to a few inconveniencies arising from the dispassionate
-deafness of laws, than to remedy them by applying to the passionate
-open ears of a tyrant.
-
-Nor can the example of the gypsies, though possibly they may have long
-been happy under this form of government, be here urged; since we must
-remember the very material respect in which they differ from all other
-people, and to which perhaps this their happiness is entirely owing,
-namely, that they have no false honours among them, and that they look
-on shame as the most grievous punishment in the world.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiii.
-
-A dialogue between Jones and Partridge.
-
-
-The honest lovers of liberty will, we doubt not, pardon that long
-digression into which we were led at the close of the last chapter, to
-prevent our history from being applied to the use of the most
-pernicious doctrine which priestcraft had ever the wickedness or the
-impudence to preach.
-
-We will now proceed with Mr Jones, who, when the storm was over, took
-leave of his Egyptian majesty, after many thanks for his courteous
-behaviour and kind entertainment, and set out for Coventry; to which
-place (for it was still dark) a gypsy was ordered to conduct him.
-
-Jones having, by reason of his deviation, travelled eleven miles
-instead of six, and most of those through very execrable roads, where
-no expedition could have been made in quest of a midwife, did not
-arrive at Coventry till near twelve. Nor could he possibly get again
-into the saddle till past two; for post-horses were now not easy to
-get; nor were the hostler or post-boy in half so great a hurry as
-himself, but chose rather to imitate the tranquil disposition of
-Partridge; who, being denied the nourishment of sleep, took all
-opportunities to supply its place with every other kind of
-nourishment, and was never better pleased than when he arrived at an
-inn, nor ever more dissatisfied than when he was again forced to leave
-it.
-
-Jones now travelled post; we will follow him, therefore, according to
-our custom, and to the rules of Longinus, in the same manner. From
-Coventry he arrived at Daventry, from Daventry at Stratford, and from
-Stratford at Dunstable, whither he came the next day a little after
-noon, and within a few hours after Sophia had left it; and though he
-was obliged to stay here longer than he wished, while a smith, with
-great deliberation, shoed the post-horse he was to ride, he doubted
-not but to overtake his Sophia before she should set out from St
-Albans; at which place he concluded, and very reasonably, that his
-lordship would stop and dine.
-
-And had he been right in this conjecture, he most probably would have
-overtaken his angel at the aforesaid place; but unluckily my lord had
-appointed a dinner to be prepared for him at his own house in London,
-and, in order to enable him to reach that place in proper time, he had
-ordered a relay of horses to meet him at St Albans. When Jones
-therefore arrived there, he was informed that the coach-and-six had
-set out two hours before.
-
-If fresh post-horses had been now ready, as they were not, it seemed
-so apparently impossible to overtake the coach before it reached
-London, that Partridge thought he had now a proper opportunity to
-remind his friend of a matter which he seemed entirely to have
-forgotten; what this was the reader will guess, when we inform him
-that Jones had eat nothing more than one poached egg since he had left
-the alehouse where he had first met the guide returning from Sophia;
-for with the gypsies he had feasted only his understanding.
-
-The landlord so entirely agreed with the opinion of Mr Partridge, that
-he no sooner heard the latter desire his friend to stay and dine, than
-he very readily put in his word, and retracting his promise before
-given of furnishing the horses immediately, he assured Mr Jones he
-would lose no time in bespeaking a dinner, which, he said, could be
-got ready sooner than it was possible to get the horses up from grass,
-and to prepare them for their journey by a feed of corn.
-
-Jones was at length prevailed on, chiefly by the latter argument of
-the landlord; and now a joint of mutton was put down to the fire.
-While this was preparing, Partridge, being admitted into the same
-apartment with his friend or master, began to harangue in the
-following manner.
-
-"Certainly, sir, if ever man deserved a young lady, you deserve young
-Madam Western; for what a vast quantity of love must a man have, to be
-able to live upon it without any other food, as you do? I am positive
-I have eat thirty times as much within these last twenty-four hours as
-your honour, and yet I am almost famished; for nothing makes a man so
-hungry as travelling, especially in this cold raw weather. And yet I
-can't tell how it is, but your honour is seemingly in perfect good
-health, and you never looked better nor fresher in your life. It must
-be certainly love that you live upon."
-
-"And a very rich diet too, Partridge," answered Jones. "But did not
-fortune send me an excellent dainty yesterday? Dost thou imagine I
-cannot live more than twenty-four hours on this dear pocket-book?"
-
-"Undoubtedly," cries Partridge, "there is enough in that pocket-book
-to purchase many a good meal. Fortune sent it to your honour very
-opportunely for present use, as your honour's money must be almost out
-by this time."
-
-"What do you mean?" answered Jones; "I hope you don't imagine that I
-should be dishonest enough, even if it belonged to any other person,
-besides Miss Western----"
-
-"Dishonest!" replied Partridge, "heaven forbid I should wrong your
-honour so much! but where's the dishonesty in borrowing a little for
-present spending, since you will be so well able to pay the lady
-hereafter? No, indeed, I would have your honour pay it again, as soon
-as it is convenient, by all means; but where can be the harm in making
-use of it now you want it? Indeed, if it belonged to a poor body, it
-would be another thing; but so great a lady, to be sure, can never
-want it, especially now as she is along with a lord, who, it can't be
-doubted, will let her have whatever she hath need of. Besides, if she
-should want a little, she can't want the whole, therefore I would give
-her a little; but I would be hanged before I mentioned the having
-found it at first, and before I got some money of my own; for London,
-I have heard, is the very worst of places to be in without money.
-Indeed, if I had not known to whom it belonged, I might have thought
-it was the devil's money, and have been afraid to use it; but as you
-know otherwise, and came honestly by it, it would be an affront to
-fortune to part with it all again, at the very time when you want it
-most; you can hardly expect she should ever do you such another good
-turn; for _fortuna nunquam perpetuo est bona_. You will do as you
-please, notwithstanding all I say; but for my part, I would be hanged
-before I mentioned a word of the matter."
-
-"By what I can see, Partridge," cries Jones, "hanging is a matter _non
-longe alienum a Scaevolae studiis_." "You should say _alienus_," says
-Partridge,--"I remember the passage; it is an example under _communis,
-alienus, immunis, variis casibus serviunt_." "If you do remember it,"
-cries Jones, "I find you don't understand it; but I tell thee, friend,
-in plain English, that he who finds another's property, and wilfully
-detains it from the known owner, deserves, _in foro conscientiae_, to
-be hanged, no less than if he had stolen it. And as for this very
-identical bill, which is the property of my angel, and was once in her
-dear possession, I will not deliver it into any hands but her own,
-upon any consideration whatever, no, though I was as hungry as thou
-art, and had no other means to satisfy my craving appetite; this I
-hope to do before I sleep; but if it should happen otherwise, I charge
-thee, if thou would'st not incur my displeasure for ever, not to shock
-me any more by the bare mention of such detestable baseness."
-
-"I should not have mentioned it now," cries Partridge, "if it had
-appeared so to me; for I'm sure I scorn any wickedness as much as
-another; but perhaps you know better; and yet I might have imagined
-that I should not have lived so many years, and have taught school so
-long, without being able to distinguish between _fas et nefas_; but it
-seems we are all to live and learn. I remember my old schoolmaster,
-who was a prodigious great scholar, used often to say, _Polly matete
-cry town is my daskalon_. The English of which, he told us, was, That
-a child may sometimes teach his grandmother to suck eggs. I have lived
-to a fine purpose, truly, if I am to be taught my grammar at this time
-of day. Perhaps, young gentleman, you may change your opinion, if you
-live to my years: for I remember I thought myself as wise when I was a
-stripling of one or two and twenty as I am now. I am sure I always
-taught _alienus_, and my master read it so before me."
-
-There were not many instances in which Partridge could provoke Jones,
-nor were there many in which Partridge himself could have been hurried
-out of his respect. Unluckily, however, they had both hit on one of
-these. We have already seen Partridge could not bear to have his
-learning attacked, nor could Jones bear some passage or other in the
-foregoing speech. And now, looking upon his companion with a
-contemptuous and disdainful air (a thing not usual with him), he
-cried, "Partridge, I see thou art a conceited old fool, and I wish
-thou art not likewise an old rogue. Indeed, if I was as well convinced
-of the latter as I am of the former, thou should'st travel no farther
-in my company."
-
-The sage pedagogue was contented with the vent which he had already
-given to his indignation; and, as the vulgar phrase is, immediately
-drew in his horns. He said, he was sorry he had uttered anything which
-might give offence, for that he had never intended it; but _Nemo
-omnibus horis sapit_.
-
-As Jones had the vices of a warm disposition, he was entirely free
-from those of a cold one; and if his friends must have confest his
-temper to have been a little too easily ruffled, his enemies must at
-the same time have confest, that it as soon subsided; nor did it at
-all resemble the sea, whose swelling is more violent and dangerous
-after a storm is over than while the storm itself subsists. He
-instantly accepted the submission of Partridge, shook him by the hand,
-and with the most benign aspect imaginable, said twenty kind things,
-and at the same time very severely condemned himself, though not half
-so severely as he will most probably be condemned by many of our good
-readers.
-
-Partridge was now highly comforted, as his fears of having offended
-were at once abolished, and his pride completely satisfied by Jones
-having owned himself in the wrong, which submission he instantly
-applied to what had principally nettled him, and repeated in a
-muttering voice, "To be sure, sir, your knowledge may be superior to
-mine in some things; but as to the grammar, I think I may challenge
-any man living. I think, at least, I have that at my finger's end."
-
-If anything could add to the satisfaction which the poor man now
-enjoyed, he received this addition by the arrival of an excellent
-shoulder of mutton, that at this instant came smoaking to the table.
-On which, having both plentifully feasted, they again mounted their
-horses, and set forward for London.
-
-
-
-Chapter xiv.
-
-What happened to Mr Jones in his journey from St Albans.
-
-
-They were got about two miles beyond Barnet, and it was now the dusk
-of the evening, when a genteel-looking man, but upon a very shabby
-horse, rode up to Jones, and asked him whether he was going to London;
-to which Jones answered in the affirmative. The gentleman replied, "I
-should be obliged to you, sir, if you will accept of my company; for
-it is very late, and I am a stranger to the road." Jones readily
-complied with the request; and on they travelled together, holding
-that sort of discourse which is usual on such occasions.
-
-Of this, indeed, robbery was the principal topic: upon which subject
-the stranger expressed great apprehensions; but Jones declared he had
-very little to lose, and consequently as little to fear. Here
-Partridge could not forbear putting in his word. "Your honour," said
-he, "may think it a little, but I am sure, if I had a hundred-pound
-bank-note in my pocket, as you have, I should be very sorry to lose
-it; but, for my part, I never was less afraid in my life; for we are
-four of us, and if we all stand by one another, the best man in
-England can't rob us. Suppose he should have a pistol, he can kill but
-one of us, and a man can die but once.--That's my comfort, a man can
-die but once."
-
-Besides the reliance on superior numbers, a kind of valour which hath
-raised a certain nation among the moderns to a high pitch of glory,
-there was another reason for the extraordinary courage which Partridge
-now discovered; for he had at present as much of that quality as was
-in the power of liquor to bestow.
-
-Our company were now arrived within a mile of Highgate, when the
-stranger turned short upon Jones, and pulling out a pistol, demanded
-that little bank-note which Partridge had mentioned.
-
-Jones was at first somewhat shocked at this unexpected demand;
-however, he presently recollected himself, and told the highwayman,
-all the money he had in his pocket was entirely at his service; and so
-saying, he pulled out upwards of three guineas, and offered to deliver
-it; but the other answered with an oath, That would not do. Jones
-answered coolly, he was very sorry for it, and returned the money into
-his pocket.
-
-The highwayman then threatened, if he did not deliver the bank-note
-that moment, he must shoot him; holding his pistol at the same time
-very near to his breast. Jones instantly caught hold of the fellow's
-hand, which trembled so that he could scarce hold the pistol in it,
-and turned the muzzle from him. A struggle then ensued, in which the
-former wrested the pistol from the hand of his antagonist, and both
-came from their horses on the ground together, the highwayman upon his
-back, and the victorious Jones upon him.
-
-The poor fellow now began to implore mercy of the conqueror: for, to
-say the truth, he was in strength by no means a match for Jones.
-"Indeed, sir," says he, "I could have had no intention to shoot you;
-for you will find the pistol was not loaded. This is the first robbery
-I ever attempted, and I have been driven by distress to this."
-
-At this instant, at about a hundred and fifty yards' distance, lay
-another person on the ground, roaring for mercy in a much louder voice
-than the highwayman. This was no other than Partridge himself, who,
-endeavouring to make his escape from the engagement, had been thrown
-from his horse, and lay flat on his face, not daring to look up, and
-expecting every minute to be shot.
-
-In this posture he lay, till the guide, who was no otherwise concerned
-than for his horses, having secured the stumbling beast, came up to
-him, and told him his master had got the better of the highwayman.
-
-Partridge leapt up at this news, and ran back to the place where Jones
-stood with his sword drawn in his hand to guard the poor fellow; which
-Partridge no sooner saw than he cried out, "Kill the villain, sir, run
-him through the body, kill him this instant!"
-
-Luckily, however, for the poor wretch, he had fallen into more
-merciful hands; for Jones having examined the pistol, and found it to
-be really unloaded, began to believe all the man had told him, before
-Partridge came up: namely, that he was a novice in the trade, and that
-he had been driven to it by the distress he mentioned, the greatest
-indeed imaginable, that of five hungry children, and a wife lying in
-of the sixth, in the utmost want and misery. The truth of all which
-the highwayman most vehemently asserted, and offered to convince Mr
-Jones of it, if he would take the trouble to go to his house, which
-was not above two miles off; saying, "That he desired no favour, but
-upon condition of proving all he had all alledged."
-
-Jones at first pretended that he would take the fellow at his word,
-and go with him, declaring that his fate should depend entirely on the
-truth of his story. Upon this the poor fellow immediately expressed so
-much alacrity, that Jones was perfectly satisfied with his veracity,
-and began now to entertain sentiments of compassion for him. He
-returned the fellow his empty pistol, advised him to think of honester
-means of relieving his distress, and gave him a couple of guineas for
-the immediate support of his wife and his family; adding, "he wished
-he had more for his sake, for the hundred pound that had been
-mentioned was not his own."
-
-Our readers will probably be divided in their opinions concerning this
-action; some may applaud it perhaps as an act of extraordinary
-humanity, while those of a more saturnine temper will consider it as a
-want of regard to that justice which every man owes his country.
-Partridge certainly saw it in that light; for he testified much
-dissatisfaction on the occasion, quoted an old proverb, and said, he
-should not wonder if the rogue attacked them again before they reached
-London.
-
-The highwayman was full of expressions of thankfulness and gratitude.
-He actually dropt tears, or pretended so to do. He vowed he would
-immediately return home, and would never afterwards commit such a
-transgression: whether he kept his word or no, perhaps may appear
-hereafter.
-
-Our travellers having remounted their horses, arrived in town without
-encountering any new mishap. On the road much pleasant discourse
-passed between Jones and Partridge, on the subject of their last
-adventure: in which Jones exprest a great compassion for those
-highwaymen who are, by unavoidable distress, driven, as it were, to
-such illegal courses, as generally bring them to a shameful death: "I
-mean," said he, "those only whose highest guilt extends no farther
-than to robbery, and who are never guilty of cruelty nor insult to any
-person, which is a circumstance that, I must say, to the honour of our
-country, distinguishes the robbers of England from those of all other
-nations; for murder is, amongst those, almost inseparably incident to
-robbery."
-
-"No doubt," answered Partridge, "it is better to take away one's money
-than one's life; and yet it is very hard upon honest men, that they
-can't travel about their business without being in danger of these
-villains. And to be sure it would be better that all rogues were
-hanged out of the way, than that one honest man should suffer. For my
-own part, indeed, I should not care to have the blood of any of them
-on my own hands; but it is very proper for the law to hang them all.
-What right hath any man to take sixpence from me, unless I give it
-him? Is there any honesty in such a man?"
-
-"No, surely," cries Jones, "no more than there is in him who takes the
-horses out of another man's stable, or who applies to his own use the
-money which he finds, when he knows the right owner."
-
-These hints stopt the mouth of Partridge; nor did he open it again
-till Jones, having thrown some sarcastical jokes on his cowardice, he
-offered to excuse himself on the inequality of fire-arms, saying, "A
-thousand naked men are nothing to one pistol; for though it is true it
-will kill but one at a single discharge, yet who can tell but that one
-may be himself?"
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XIII.
-
-CONTAINING THE SPACE OF TWELVE DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-An Invocation.
-
-
-Come, bright love of fame, inspire my glowing breast: not thee I will
-call, who, over swelling tides of blood and tears, dost bear the heroe
-on to glory, while sighs of millions waft his spreading sails; but
-thee, fair, gentle maid, whom Mnesis, happy nymph, first on the banks
-of Hebrus did produce. Thee, whom Maeonia educated, whom Mantua
-charmed, and who, on that fair hill which overlooks the proud
-metropolis of Britain, sat'st, with thy Milton, sweetly tuning the
-heroic lyre; fill my ravished fancy with the hopes of charming ages
-yet to come. Foretel me that some tender maid, whose grandmother is
-yet unborn, hereafter, when, under the fictitious name of Sophia, she
-reads the real worth which once existed in my Charlotte, shall from
-her sympathetic breast send forth the heaving sigh. Do thou teach me
-not only to foresee, but to enjoy, nay, even to feed on future praise.
-Comfort me by a solemn assurance, that when the little parlour in
-which I sit at this instant shall be reduced to a worse furnished box,
-I shall be read with honour by those who never knew nor saw me, and
-whom I shall neither know nor see.
-
-And thou, much plumper dame, whom no airy forms nor phantoms of
-imagination cloathe; whom the well-seasoned beef, and pudding richly
-stained with plums, delight: thee I call: of whom in a treckschuyte,
-in some Dutch canal, the fat ufrow gelt, impregnated by a jolly
-merchant of Amsterdam, was delivered: in Grub-street school didst thou
-suck in the elements of thy erudition. Here hast thou, in thy maturer
-age, taught poetry to tickle not the fancy, but the pride of the
-patron. Comedy from thee learns a grave and solemn air; while tragedy
-storms aloud, and rends th' affrighted theatres with its thunders. To
-soothe thy wearied limbs in slumber, Alderman History tells his
-tedious tale; and, again, to awaken thee, Monsieur Romance performs
-his surprizing tricks of dexterity. Nor less thy well-fed bookseller
-obeys thy influence. By thy advice the heavy, unread, folio lump,
-which long had dozed on the dusty shelf, piecemealed into numbers,
-runs nimbly through the nation. Instructed by thee, some books, like
-quacks, impose on the world by promising wonders; while others turn
-beaus, and trust all their merits to a gilded outside. Come, thou
-jolly substance, with thy shining face, keep back thy inspiration, but
-hold forth thy tempting rewards; thy shining, chinking heap; thy
-quickly convertible bank-bill, big with unseen riches; thy
-often-varying stock; the warm, the comfortable house; and, lastly, a
-fair portion of that bounteous mother, whose flowing breasts yield
-redundant sustenance for all her numerous offspring, did not some too
-greedily and wantonly drive their brethren from the teat. Come thou,
-and if I am too tasteless of thy valuable treasures, warm my heart
-with the transporting thought of conveying them to others. Tell me,
-that through thy bounty, the pratling babes, whose innocent play hath
-often been interrupted by my labours, may one time be amply rewarded
-for them.
-
-And now, this ill-yoked pair, this lean shadow and this fat substance,
-have prompted me to write, whose assistance shall I invoke to direct
-my pen?
-
-First, Genius; thou gift of Heaven; without whose aid in vain we
-struggle against the stream of nature. Thou who dost sow the generous
-seeds which art nourishes, and brings to perfection. Do thou kindly
-take me by the hand, and lead me through all the mazes, the winding
-labyrinths of nature. Initiate me into all those mysteries which
-profane eyes never beheld. Teach me, which to thee is no difficult
-task, to know mankind better than they know themselves. Remove that
-mist which dims the intellects of mortals, and causes them to adore
-men for their art, or to detest them for their cunning, in deceiving
-others, when they are, in reality, the objects only of ridicule, for
-deceiving themselves. Strip off the thin disguise of wisdom from
-self-conceit, of plenty from avarice, and of glory from ambition.
-Come, thou that hast inspired thy Aristophanes, thy Lucian, thy
-Cervantes, thy Rabelais, thy Molière, thy Shakespear, thy Swift, thy
-Marivaux, fill my pages with humour; till mankind learn the
-good-nature to laugh only at the follies of others, and the humility
-to grieve at their own.
-
-And thou, almost the constant attendant on true genius, Humanity,
-bring all thy tender sensations. If thou hast already disposed of them
-all between thy Allen and thy Lyttleton, steal them a little while
-from their bosoms. Not without these the tender scene is painted. From
-these alone proceed the noble, disinterested friendship, the melting
-love, the generous sentiment, the ardent gratitude, the soft
-compassion, the candid opinion; and all those strong energies of a
-good mind, which fill the moistened eyes with tears, the glowing
-cheeks with blood, and swell the heart with tides of grief, joy, and
-benevolence.
-
-And thou, O Learning! (for without thy assistance nothing pure,
-nothing correct, can genius produce) do thou guide my pen. Thee in thy
-favourite fields, where the limpid, gently-rolling Thames washes thy
-Etonian banks, in early youth I have worshipped. To thee, at thy
-birchen altar, with true Spartan devotion, I have sacrificed my blood.
-Come then, and from thy vast, luxuriant stores, in long antiquity
-piled up, pour forth the rich profusion. Open thy Maeonian and thy
-Mantuan coffers, with whatever else includes thy philosophic, thy
-poetic, and thy historical treasures, whether with Greek or Roman
-characters thou hast chosen to inscribe the ponderous chests: give me
-a while that key to all thy treasures, which to thy Warburton thou
-hast entrusted.
-
-Lastly, come Experience, long conversant with the wise, the good, the
-learned, and the polite. Nor with them only, but with every kind of
-character, from the minister at his levee, to the bailiff in his
-spunging-house; from the dutchess at her drum, to the landlady behind
-her bar. From thee only can the manners of mankind be known; to which
-the recluse pedant, however great his parts or extensive his learning
-may be, hath ever been a stranger.
-
-Come all these, and more, if possible; for arduous is the task I have
-undertaken; and, without all your assistance, will, I find, be too
-heavy for me to support. But if you all smile on my labours I hope
-still to bring them to a happy conclusion.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-What befel Mr Jones on his arrival in London.
-
-
-The learned Dr Misaubin used to say, that the proper direction to him
-was _To Dr_ Misaubin, _in the World_; intimating that there were few
-people in it to whom his great reputation was not known. And, perhaps,
-upon a very nice examination into the matter, we shall find that this
-circumstance bears no inconsiderable part among the many blessings of
-grandeur.
-
-The great happiness of being known to posterity, with the hopes of
-which we so delighted ourselves in the preceding chapter, is the
-portion of few. To have the several elements which compose our names,
-as Sydenham expresses it, repeated a thousand years hence, is a gift
-beyond the power of title and wealth; and is scarce to be purchased,
-unless by the sword and the pen. But to avoid the scandalous
-imputation, while we yet live, of being _one whom nobody knows_ (a
-scandal, by the bye, as old as the days of Homer[*]) will always be the
-envied portion of those, who have a legal title either to honour or
-estate.
-
-  [*] See the 2d Odyssey, ver. 175.
-
-From that figure, therefore, which the Irish peer, who brought Sophia
-to town, hath already made in this history, the reader will conclude,
-doubtless, it must have been an easy matter to have discovered his
-house in London without knowing the particular street or square which
-he inhabited, since he must have been one _whom everybody knows_. To
-say the truth, so it would have been to any of those tradesmen who are
-accustomed to attend the regions of the great; for the doors of the
-great are generally no less easy to find than it is difficult to get
-entrance into them. But Jones, as well as Partridge, was an entire
-stranger in London; and as he happened to arrive first in a quarter of
-the town, the inhabitants of which have very little intercourse with
-the householders of Hanover or Grosvenor-square (for he entered
-through Gray's-inn-lane), so he rambled about some time before he
-could even find his way to those happy mansions where fortune
-segregates from the vulgar those magnanimous heroes, the descendants
-of antient Britons, Saxons, or Danes, whose ancestors, being born in
-better days, by sundry kinds of merit, have entailed riches and honour
-on their posterity.
-
-Jones, being at length arrived at those terrestrial Elysian fields,
-would now soon have discovered his lordship's mansion; but the peer
-unluckily quitted his former house when he went for Ireland; and as he
-was just entered into a new one, the fame of his equipage had not yet
-sufficiently blazed in the neighbourhood; so that, after a successless
-enquiry till the clock had struck eleven, Jones at last yielded to the
-advice of Partridge, and retreated to the Bull and Gate in Holborn,
-that being the inn where he had first alighted, and where he retired
-to enjoy that kind of repose which usually attends persons in his
-circumstances.
-
-Early in the morning he again set forth in pursuit of Sophia; and many
-a weary step he took to no better purpose than before. At last,
-whether it was that Fortune relented, or whether it was no longer in
-her power to disappoint him, he came into the very street which was
-honoured by his lordship's residence; and, being directed to the
-house, he gave one gentle rap at the door.
-
-The porter, who, from the modesty of the knock, had conceived no high
-idea of the person approaching, conceived but little better from the
-appearance of Mr Jones, who was drest in a suit of fustian, and had by
-his side the weapon formerly purchased of the serjeant; of which,
-though the blade might be composed of well-tempered steel, the handle
-was composed only of brass, and that none of the brightest. When
-Jones, therefore, enquired after the young lady who had come to town
-with his lordship, this fellow answered surlily, "That there were no
-ladies there." Jones then desired to see the master of the house; but
-was informed that his lordship would see nobody that morning. And upon
-growing more pressing the porter said, "he had positive orders to let
-no person in; but if you think proper," said he, "to leave your name,
-I will acquaint his lordship; and if you call another time you shall
-know when he will see you."
-
-Jones now declared, "that he had very particular business with the
-young lady, and could not depart without seeing her." Upon which the
-porter, with no very agreeable voice or aspect, affirmed, "that there
-was no young lady in that house, and consequently none could he see;"
-adding, "sure you are the strangest man I ever met with, for you will
-not take an answer."
-
-I have often thought that, by the particular description of Cerberus,
-the porter of hell, in the 6th Aeneid, Virgil might possibly intend to
-satirize the porters of the great men in his time; the picture, at
-least, resembles those who have the honour to attend at the doors of
-our great men. The porter in his lodge answers exactly to Cerberus in
-his den, and, like him, must be appeased by a sop before access can be
-gained to his master. Perhaps Jones might have seen him in that light,
-and have recollected the passage where the Sibyl, in order to procure
-an entrance for Aeneas, presents the keeper of the Stygian avenue with
-such a sop. Jones, in like manner, now began to offer a bribe to the
-human Cerberus, which a footman, overhearing, instantly advanced, and
-declared, "if Mr Jones would give him the sum proposed, he would
-conduct him to the lady." Jones instantly agreed, and was forthwith
-conducted to the lodging of Mrs Fitzpatrick by the very fellow who had
-attended the ladies thither the day before.
-
-Nothing more aggravates ill success than the near approach to good.
-The gamester, who loses his party at piquet by a single point, laments
-his bad luck ten times as much as he who never came within a prospect
-of the game. So in a lottery, the proprietors of the next numbers to
-that which wins the great prize are apt to account themselves much
-more unfortunate than their fellow-sufferers. In short, these kind of
-hairbreadth missings of happiness look like the insults of Fortune,
-who may be considered as thus playing tricks with us, and wantonly
-diverting herself at our expense.
-
-Jones, who more than once already had experienced this frolicsome
-disposition of the heathen goddess, was now again doomed to be
-tantalized in the like manner; for he arrived at the door of Mrs
-Fitzpatrick about ten minutes after the departure of Sophia. He now
-addressed himself to the waiting-woman belonging to Mrs Fitzpatrick;
-who told him the disagreeable news that the lady was gone, but could
-not tell him whither; and the same answer he afterwards received from
-Mrs Fitzpatrick herself. For as that lady made no doubt but that Mr
-Jones was a person detached from her uncle Western, in pursuit of his
-daughter, so she was too generous to betray her.
-
-Though Jones had never seen Mrs Fitzpatrick, yet he had heard that a
-cousin of Sophia was married to a gentleman of that name. This,
-however, in the present tumult of his mind, never once recurred to his
-memory; but when the footman, who had conducted him from his
-lordship's, acquainted him with the great intimacy between the ladies,
-and with their calling each other cousin, he then recollected the
-story of the marriage which he had formerly heard; and as he was
-presently convinced that this was the same woman, he became more
-surprized at the answer which he had received, and very earnestly
-desired leave to wait on the lady herself; but she as positively
-refused him that honour.
-
-Jones, who, though he had never seen a court, was better bred than
-most who frequent it, was incapable of any rude or abrupt behaviour to
-a lady. When he had received, therefore, a peremptory denial, he
-retired for the present, saying to the waiting-woman, "That if this
-was an improper hour to wait on her lady, he would return in the
-afternoon; and that he then hoped to have the honour of seeing her."
-The civility with which he uttered this, added to the great comeliness
-of his person, made an impression on the waiting-woman, and she could
-not help answering; "Perhaps, sir, you may;" and, indeed, she
-afterwards said everything to her mistress, which she thought most
-likely to prevail on her to admit a visit from the handsome young
-gentleman; for so she called him.
-
-Jones very shrewdly suspected that Sophia herself was now with her
-cousin, and was denied to him; which he imputed to her resentment of
-what had happened at Upton. Having, therefore, dispatched Partridge to
-procure him lodgings, he remained all day in the street, watching the
-door where he thought his angel lay concealed; but no person did he
-see issue forth, except a servant of the house, and in the evening he
-returned to pay his visit to Mrs Fitzpatrick, which that good lady at
-last condescended to admit.
-
-There is a certain air of natural gentility, which it is neither in
-the power of dress to give, nor to conceal. Mr Jones, as hath been
-before hinted, was possessed of this in a very eminent degree. He met,
-therefore, with a reception from the lady somewhat different from what
-his apparel seemed to demand; and after he had paid her his proper
-respects, was desired to sit down.
-
-The reader will not, I believe, be desirous of knowing all the
-particulars of this conversation, which ended very little to the
-satisfaction of poor Jones. For though Mrs Fitzpatrick soon discovered
-the lover (as all women have the eyes of hawks in those matters), yet
-she still thought it was such a lover, as a generous friend of the
-lady should not betray her to. In short, she suspected this was the
-very Mr Blifil, from whom Sophia had flown; and all the answers which
-she artfully drew from Jones, concerning Mr Allworthy's family,
-confirmed her in this opinion. She therefore strictly denied any
-knowledge concerning the place whither Sophia was gone; nor could
-Jones obtain more than a permission to wait on her again the next
-evening.
-
-When Jones was departed Mrs Fitzpatrick communicated her suspicion
-concerning Mr Blifil to her maid; who answered, "Sure, madam, he is
-too pretty a man, in my opinion, for any woman in the world to run
-away from. I had rather fancy it is Mr Jones."--"Mr Jones!" said the
-lady, "what Jones?" For Sophia had not given the least hint of any
-such person in all their conversation; but Mrs Honour had been much
-more communicative, and had acquainted her sister Abigail with the
-whole history of Jones, which this now again related to her mistress.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick no sooner received this information, than she
-immediately agreed with the opinion of her maid; and, what is very
-unaccountable, saw charms in the gallant, happy lover, which she had
-overlooked in the slighted squire. "Betty," says she, "you are
-certainly in the right: he is a very pretty fellow, and I don't wonder
-that my cousin's maid should tell you so many women are fond of him. I
-am sorry now I did not inform him where my cousin was; and yet, if he
-be so terrible a rake as you tell me, it is a pity she should ever see
-him any more; for what but her ruin can happen from marrying a rake
-and a beggar against her father's consent? I protest, if he be such a
-man as the wench described him to you, it is but an office of charity
-to keep her from him; and I am sure it would be unpardonable in me to
-do otherwise, who have tasted so bitterly of the misfortunes attending
-such marriages."
-
-Here she was interrupted by the arrival of a visitor, which was no
-other than his lordship; and as nothing passed at this visit either
-new or extraordinary, or any ways material to this history, we shall
-here put an end to this chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-A project of Mrs Fitzpatrick, and her visit to Lady Bellaston.
-
-
-When Mrs Fitzpatrick retired to rest, her thoughts were entirely taken
-up by her cousin Sophia and Mr Jones. She was, indeed, a little
-offended with the former, for the disingenuity which she now
-discovered. In which meditation she had not long exercised her
-imagination before the following conceit suggested itself; that could
-she possibly become the means of preserving Sophia from this man, and
-of restoring her to her father, she should, in all human probability,
-by so great a service to the family, reconcile to herself both her
-uncle and her aunt Western.
-
-As this was one of her most favourite wishes, so the hope of success
-seemed so reasonable, that nothing remained but to consider of proper
-methods to accomplish her scheme. To attempt to reason the case with
-Sophia did not appear to her one of those methods: for as Betty had
-reported from Mrs Honour, that Sophia had a violent inclination to
-Jones, she conceived that to dissuade her from the match was an
-endeavour of the same kind, as it would be very heartily and earnestly
-to entreat a moth not to fly into a candle.
-
-If the reader will please to remember that the acquaintance which
-Sophia had with Lady Bellaston was contracted at the house of Mrs
-Western, and must have grown at the very time when Mrs Fitzpatrick
-lived with this latter lady, he will want no information, that Mrs
-Fitzpatrick must have been acquainted with her likewise. They were,
-besides, both equally her distant relations.
-
-After much consideration, therefore, she resolved to go early in the
-morning to that lady, and endeavour to see her, unknown to Sophia, and
-to acquaint her with the whole affair. For she did not in the least
-doubt, but that the prudent lady, who had often ridiculed romantic
-love, and indiscreet marriages, in her conversation, would very
-readily concur in her sentiments concerning this match, and would lend
-her utmost assistance to prevent it.
-
-This resolution she accordingly executed; and the next morning before
-the sun, she huddled on her cloaths, and at a very unfashionable,
-unseasonable, unvisitable hour, went to Lady Bellaston, to whom she
-got access, without the least knowledge or suspicion of Sophia, who,
-though not asleep, lay at that time awake in her bed, with Honour
-snoring by her side.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick made many apologies for an early, abrupt visit, at an
-hour when, she said, "she should not have thought of disturbing her
-ladyship, but upon business of the utmost consequence." She then
-opened the whole affair, told all she had heard from Betty; and did
-not forget the visit which Jones had paid to herself the preceding
-evening.
-
-Lady Bellaston answered with a smile, "Then you have seen this
-terrible man, madam; pray, is he so very fine a figure as he is
-represented? for Etoff entertained me last night almost two hours with
-him. The wench I believe is in love with him by reputation." Here the
-reader will be apt to wonder; but the truth is, that Mrs Etoff, who
-had the honour to pin and unpin the Lady Bellaston, had received
-compleat information concerning the said Mr Jones, and had faithfully
-conveyed the same to her lady last night (or rather that morning)
-while she was undressing; on which accounts she had been detained in
-her office above the space of an hour and a half.
-
-The lady indeed, though generally well enough pleased with the
-narratives of Mrs Etoff at those seasons, gave an extraordinary
-attention to her account of Jones; for Honour had described him as a
-very handsome fellow, and Mrs Etoff, in her hurry, added so much to
-the beauty of his person to her report, that Lady Bellaston began to
-conceive him to be a kind of miracle in nature.
-
-The curiosity which her woman had inspired was now greatly increased
-by Mrs Fitzpatrick, who spoke as much in favour of the person of Jones
-as she had before spoken in dispraise of his birth, character, and
-fortune.
-
-When Lady Bellaston had heard the whole, she answered gravely,
-"Indeed, madam, this is a matter of great consequence. Nothing can
-certainly be more commendable than the part you act; and I shall be
-very glad to have my share in the preservation of a young lady of so
-much merit, and for whom I have so much esteem."
-
-"Doth not your ladyship think," says Mrs Fitzpatrick eagerly, "that it
-would be the best way to write immediately to my uncle, and acquaint
-him where my cousin is?"
-
-The lady pondered a little upon this, and thus answered--"Why, no,
-madam, I think not. Di Western hath described her brother to me to be
-such a brute, that I cannot consent to put any woman under his power
-who hath escaped from it. I have heard he behaved like a monster to
-his own wife, for he is one of those wretches who think they have a
-right to tyrannise over us, and from such I shall ever esteem it the
-cause of my sex to rescue any woman who is so unfortunate to be under
-their power.--The business, dear cousin, will be only to keep Miss
-Western from seeing this young fellow, till the good company, which
-she will have an opportunity of meeting here, give her a properer
-turn."
-
-"If he should find her out, madam," answered the other, "your ladyship
-may be assured he will leave nothing unattempted to come at her."
-
-"But, madam," replied the lady, "it is impossible he should come
-here--though indeed it is possible he may get some intelligence where
-she is, and then may lurk about the house--I wish therefore I knew his
-person.
-
-"Is there no way, madam, by which I could have a sight of him? for,
-otherwise, you know, cousin, she may contrive to see him here without
-my knowledge." Mrs Fitzpatrick answered, "That he had threatened her
-with another visit that afternoon, and that, if her ladyship pleased
-to do her the honour of calling upon her then, she would hardly fail
-of seeing him between six and seven; and if he came earlier she would,
-by some means or other, detain him till her ladyship's arrival."--Lady
-Bellaston replied, "She would come the moment she could get from
-dinner, which she supposed would be by seven at farthest; for that it
-was absolutely necessary she should be acquainted with his person.
-Upon my word, madam," says she, "it was very good to take this care of
-Miss Western; but common humanity, as well as regard to our family,
-requires it of us both; for it would be a dreadful match indeed."
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick failed not to make a proper return to the compliment
-which Lady Bellaston had bestowed on her cousin, and, after some
-little immaterial conversation, withdrew; and, getting as fast as she
-could into her chair, unseen by Sophia or Honour, returned home.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Which consists of visiting.
-
-
-Mr Jones had walked within sight of a certain door during the whole
-day, which, though one of the shortest, appeared to him to be one of
-the longest in the whole year. At length, the clock having struck
-five, he returned to Mrs Fitzpatrick, who, though it was a full hour
-earlier than the decent time of visiting, received him very civilly;
-but still persisted in her ignorance concerning Sophia.
-
-Jones, in asking for his angel, had dropped the word cousin, upon
-which Mrs Fitzpatrick said, "Then, sir, you know we are related: and,
-as we are, you will permit me the right of enquiring into the
-particulars of your business with my cousin." Here Jones hesitated a
-good while, and at last answered, "He had a considerable sum of money
-of hers in his hands, which he desired to deliver to her." He then
-produced the pocket-book, and acquainted Mrs Fitzpatrick with the
-contents, and with the method in which they came into his hands. He
-had scarce finished his story, when a most violent noise shook the
-whole house. To attempt to describe this noise to those who have heard
-it would be in vain; and to aim at giving any idea of it to those who
-have never heard the like, would be still more vain: for it may be
-truly said--
-
-                     _--Non acuta
-     Sic geminant Corybantes aera._
-
-     The priests of Cybele do not so rattle their sounding brass.
-
-In short, a footman knocked, or rather thundered, at the door. Jones
-was a little surprized at the sound, having never heard it before; but
-Mrs Fitzpatrick very calmly said, that, as some company were coming,
-she could not make him any answer now; but if he pleased to stay till
-they were gone, she intimated she had something to say to him.
-
-The door of the room now flew open, and, after pushing in her hoop
-sideways before her, entered Lady Bellaston, who having first made a
-very low courtesy to Mrs Fitzpatrick, and as low a one to Mr Jones,
-was ushered to the upper end of the room.
-
-We mention these minute matters for the sake of some country ladies of
-our acquaintance, who think it contrary to the rules of modesty to
-bend their knees to a man.
-
-The company were hardly well settled, before the arrival of the peer
-lately mentioned, caused a fresh disturbance, and a repetition of
-ceremonials.
-
-These being over, the conversation began to be (as the phrase is)
-extremely brilliant. However, as nothing past in it which can be
-thought material to this history, or, indeed, very material in itself,
-I shall omit the relation; the rather, as I have known some very fine
-polite conversation grow extremely dull, when transcribed into books,
-or repeated on the stage. Indeed, this mental repast is a dainty, of
-which those who are excluded from polite assemblies must be contented
-to remain as ignorant as they must of the several dainties of French
-cookery, which are served only at the tables of the great. To say the
-truth, as neither of these are adapted to every taste, they might both
-be often thrown away on the vulgar.
-
-Poor Jones was rather a spectator of this elegant scene, than an actor
-in it; for though, in the short interval before the peer's arrival,
-Lady Bellaston first, and afterwards Mrs Fitzpatrick, had addressed
-some of their discourse to him; yet no sooner was the noble lord
-entered, than he engrossed the whole attention of the two ladies to
-himself; and as he took no more notice of Jones than if no such person
-had been present, unless by now and then staring at him, the ladies
-followed his example.
-
-The company had now staid so long, that Mrs Fitzpatrick plainly
-perceived they all designed to stay out each other. She therefore
-resolved to rid herself of Jones, he being the visitant to whom she
-thought the least ceremony was due. Taking therefore an opportunity of
-a cessation of chat, she addressed herself gravely to him, and said,
-"Sir, I shall not possibly be able to give you an answer to-night as
-to that business; but if you please to leave word where I may send to
-you to-morrow---"
-
-Jones had natural, but not artificial good-breeding. Instead therefore
-of communicating the secret of his lodgings to a servant, he
-acquainted the lady herself with it particularly, and soon after very
-ceremoniously withdrew.
-
-He was no sooner gone than the great personages, who had taken no
-notice of him present, began to take much notice of him in his
-absence; but if the reader hath already excused us from relating the
-more brilliant part of this conversation, he will surely be very ready
-to excuse the repetition of what may be called vulgar abuse; though,
-perhaps, it may be material to our history to mention an observation
-of Lady Bellaston, who took her leave in a few minutes after him, and
-then said to Mrs Fitzpatrick, at her departure, "I am satisfied on the
-account of my cousin; she can be in no danger from this fellow."
-
-Our history shall follow the example of Lady Bellaston, and take leave
-of the present company, which was now reduced to two persons; between
-whom, as nothing passed, which in the least concerns us or our reader,
-we shall not suffer ourselves to be diverted by it from matters which
-must seem of more consequence to all those who are at all interested
-in the affairs of our heroe.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-An adventure which happened to Mr Jones at his lodgings, with some
-account of a young gentleman who lodged there, and of the mistress of
-the house, and her two daughters.
-
-
-The next morning, as early as it was decent, Jones attended at Mrs
-Fitzpatrick's door, where he was answered that the lady was not at
-home; an answer which surprized him the more, as he had walked
-backwards and forwards in the street from break of day; and if she had
-gone out, he must have seen her. This answer, however, he was obliged
-to receive, and not only now, but to five several visits which he made
-her that day.
-
-To be plain with the reader, the noble peer had from some reason or
-other, perhaps from a regard for the lady's honour, insisted that she
-should not see Mr Jones, whom he looked on as a scrub, any more; and
-the lady had complied in making that promise to which we now see her
-so strictly adhere.
-
-But as our gentle reader may possibly have a better opinion of the
-young gentleman than her ladyship, and may even have some concern,
-should it be apprehended that, during this unhappy separation from
-Sophia, he took up his residence either at an inn, or in the street;
-we shall now give an account of his lodging, which was indeed in a
-very reputable house, and in a very good part of the town.
-
-Mr Jones, then, had often heard Mr Allworthy mention the gentlewoman
-at whose house he used to lodge when he was in town. This person, who,
-as Jones likewise knew, lived in Bond-street, was the widow of a
-clergyman, and was left by him, at his decease, in possession of two
-daughters, and of a compleat set of manuscript sermons.
-
-Of these two daughters, Nancy, the elder, was now arrived at the age
-of seventeen, and Betty, the younger, at that of ten.
-
-Hither Jones had despatched Partridge, and in this house he was
-provided with a room for himself in the second floor, and with one for
-Partridge in the fourth.
-
-The first floor was inhabited by one of those young gentlemen, who, in
-the last age, were called men of wit and pleasure about town, and
-properly enough; for as men are usually denominated from their
-business or profession, so pleasure may be said to have been the only
-business or profession of those gentlemen to whom fortune had made all
-useful occupations unnecessary. Playhouses, coffeehouses, and taverns
-were the scenes of their rendezvous. Wit and humour were the
-entertainment of their looser hours, and love was the business of
-their more serious moments. Wine and the muses conspired to kindle the
-brightest flames in their breasts; nor did they only admire, but some
-were able to celebrate the beauty they admired, and all to judge of
-the merit of such compositions.
-
-Such, therefore, were properly called the men of wit and pleasure; but
-I question whether the same appellation may, with the same propriety,
-be given to those young gentlemen of our times, who have the same
-ambition to be distinguished for parts. Wit certainly they have
-nothing to do with. To give them their due, they soar a step higher
-than their predecessors, and may be called men of wisdom and vertù
-(take heed you do not read virtue). Thus at an age when the gentlemen
-above mentioned employ their time in toasting the charms of a woman,
-or in making sonnets in her praise; in giving their opinion of a play
-at the theatre, or of a poem at Will's or Button's; these gentlemen
-are considering the methods to bribe a corporation, or meditating
-speeches for the House of Commons, or rather for the magazines. But
-the science of gaming is that which above all others employs their
-thoughts. These are the studies of their graver hours, while for their
-amusements they have the vast circle of connoisseurship, painting,
-music, statuary, and natural philosophy, or rather _unnatural_, which
-deals in the wonderful, and knows nothing of Nature, except her
-monsters and imperfections.
-
-When Jones had spent the whole day in vain enquiries after Mrs
-Fitzpatrick, he returned at last disconsolate to his apartment. Here,
-while he was venting his grief in private, he heard a violent uproar
-below-stairs; and soon after a female voice begged him for heaven's
-sake to come and prevent murder. Jones, who was never backward on any
-occasion to help the distressed, immediately ran down-stairs; when
-stepping into the dining-room, whence all the noise issued, he beheld
-the young gentleman of wisdom and vertù just before mentioned, pinned
-close to the wall by his footman, and a young woman standing by,
-wringing her hands, and crying out, "He will be murdered! he will be
-murdered!" and, indeed, the poor gentleman seemed in some danger of
-being choaked, when Jones flew hastily to his assistance, and rescued
-him, just as he was breathing his last, from the unmerciful clutches
-of the enemy.
-
-Though the fellow had received several kicks and cuffs from the little
-gentleman, who had more spirit than strength, he had made it a kind of
-scruple of conscience to strike his master, and would have contented
-himself with only choaking him; but towards Jones he bore no such
-respect; he no sooner therefore found himself a little roughly handled
-by his new antagonist, than he gave him one of those punches in the
-guts which, though the spectators at Broughton's amphitheatre have
-such exquisite delight in seeing them, convey but very little pleasure
-in the feeling.
-
-The lusty youth had no sooner received this blow, than he meditated a
-most grateful return; and now ensued a combat between Jones and the
-footman, which was very fierce, but short; for this fellow was no more
-able to contend with Jones than his master had before been to contend
-with him.
-
-And now, Fortune, according to her usual custom, reversed the face of
-affairs. The former victor lay breathless on the ground, and the
-vanquished gentleman had recovered breath enough to thank Mr Jones for
-his seasonable assistance; he received likewise the hearty thanks of
-the young woman present, who was indeed no other than Miss Nancy, the
-eldest daughter of the house.
-
-The footman, having now recovered his legs, shook his head at Jones,
-and, with a sagacious look, cried--"O d--n me, I'll have nothing more
-to do with you; you have been upon the stage, or I'm d--nably
-mistaken." And indeed we may forgive this his suspicion; for such was
-the agility and strength of our heroe, that he was, perhaps, a match
-for one of the first-rate boxers, and could, with great ease, have
-beaten all the muffled[*] graduates of Mr Broughton's school.
-
-  [*] Lest posterity should be puzzled by this epithet, I think proper
-  to explain it by an advertisement which was published Feb. 1, 1747.
-
-  N.B.--Mr Broughton proposes, with proper assistance, to open an
-  academy at his house in the Haymarket, for the instruction of those
-  who are willing to be initiated in the mystery of boxing: where the
-  whole theory and practice of that truly British art, with all the
-  various stops, blows, cross-buttocks, &c., incident to combatants,
-  will be fully taught and explained; and that persons of quality and
-  distinction may not be deterred from entering into _A course of
-  those lectures_, they will be given with the utmost tenderness and
-  regard to the delicacy of the frame and constitution of the pupil,
-  for which reason muffles are provided, that will effectually secure
-  them from the inconveniency of black eyes, broken jaws, and bloody
-  noses.
-
-The master, foaming with wrath, ordered his man immediately to strip,
-to which the latter very readily agreed, on condition of receiving his
-wages. This condition was presently complied with, and the fellow was
-discharged.
-
-And now the young gentleman, whose name was Nightingale, very
-strenuously insisted that his deliverer should take part of a bottle
-of wine with him; to which Jones, after much entreaty, consented,
-though more out of complacence than inclination; for the uneasiness of
-his mind fitted him very little for conversation at this time. Miss
-Nancy likewise, who was the only female then in the house, her mamma
-and sister being both gone to the play, condescended to favour them
-with her company.
-
-When the bottle and glasses were on the table the gentleman began to
-relate the occasion of the preceding disturbance.
-
-"I hope, sir," said he to Jones, "you will not from this accident
-conclude, that I make a custom of striking my servants, for I assure
-you this is the first time I have been guilty of it in my remembrance,
-and I have passed by many provoking faults in this very fellow, before
-he could provoke me to it; but when you hear what hath happened this
-evening, you will, I believe, think me excusable. I happened to come
-home several hours before my usual time, when I found four gentlemen
-of the cloth at whist by my fire;--and my Hoyle, sir--my best Hoyle,
-which cost me a guinea, lying open on the table, with a quantity of
-porter spilt on one of the most material leaves of the whole book.
-This, you will allow, was provoking; but I said nothing till the rest
-of the honest company were gone, and then gave the fellow a gentle
-rebuke, who, instead of expressing any concern, made me a pert answer,
-`That servants must have their diversions as well as other people;
-that he was sorry for the accident which had happened to the book, but
-that several of his acquaintance had bought the same for a shilling,
-and that I might stop as much in his wages, if I pleased.' I now gave
-him a severer reprimand than before, when the rascal had the insolence
-to---In short, he imputed my early coming home to----In short, he cast
-a reflection----He mentioned the name of a young lady, in a manner--in
-such a manner that incensed me beyond all patience, and, in my
-passion, I struck him."
-
-Jones answered, "That he believed no person living would blame him;
-for my part," said he, "I confess I should, on the last-mentioned
-provocation, have done the same thing."
-
-Our company had not sat long before they were joined by the mother and
-daughter, at their return from the play. And now they all spent a very
-chearful evening together; for all but Jones were heartily merry, and
-even he put on as much constrained mirth as possible. Indeed, half his
-natural flow of animal spirits, joined to the sweetness of his temper,
-was sufficient to make a most amiable companion; and notwithstanding
-the heaviness of his heart, so agreeable did he make himself on the
-present occasion, that, at their breaking up, the young gentleman
-earnestly desired his further acquaintance. Miss Nancy was well
-pleased with him; and the widow, quite charmed with her new lodger,
-invited him, with the other, next morning to breakfast.
-
-Jones on his part was no less satisfied. As for Miss Nancy, though a
-very little creature, she was extremely pretty, and the widow had all
-the charms which can adorn a woman near fifty. As she was one of the
-most innocent creatures in the world, so she was one of the most
-chearful. She never thought, nor spoke, nor wished any ill, and had
-constantly that desire of pleasing, which may be called the happiest
-of all desires in this, that it scarce ever fails of attaining its
-ends, when not disgraced by affectation. In short, though her power
-was very small, she was in her heart one of the warmest friends. She
-had been a most affectionate wife, and was a most fond and tender
-mother. As our history doth not, like a newspaper, give great
-characters to people who never were heard of before, nor will ever be
-heard of again, the reader may hence conclude, that this excellent
-woman will hereafter appear to be of some importance in our history.
-
-Nor was Jones a little pleased with the young gentleman himself, whose
-wine he had been drinking. He thought he discerned in him much good
-sense, though a little too much tainted with town-foppery; but what
-recommended him most to Jones were some sentiments of great generosity
-and humanity, which occasionally dropt from him; and particularly many
-expressions of the highest disinterestedness in the affair of love. On
-which subject the young gentleman delivered himself in a language
-which might have very well become an Arcadian shepherd of old, and
-which appeared very extraordinary when proceeding from the lips of a
-modern fine gentleman; but he was only one by imitation, and meant by
-nature for a much better character.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-What arrived while the company were at breakfast, with some hints
-concerning the government of daughters.
-
-
-Our company brought together in the morning the same good inclinations
-towards each other, with which they had separated the evening before;
-but poor Jones was extremely disconsolate; for he had just received
-information from Partridge, that Mrs Fitzpatrick had left her lodging,
-and that he could not learn whither she was gone. This news highly
-afflicted him, and his countenance, as well as his behaviour, in
-defiance of all his endeavours to the contrary, betrayed manifest
-indications of a disordered mind.
-
-The discourse turned at present, as before, on love; and Mr
-Nightingale again expressed many of those warm, generous, and
-disinterested sentiments upon this subject, which wise and sober men
-call romantic, but which wise and sober women generally regard in a
-better light. Mrs Miller (for so the mistress of the house was called)
-greatly approved these sentiments; but when the young gentleman
-appealed to Miss Nancy, she answered only, "That she believed the
-gentleman who had spoke the least was capable of feeling most."
-
-This compliment was so apparently directed to Jones, that we should
-have been sorry had he passed it by unregarded. He made her indeed a
-very polite answer, and concluded with an oblique hint, that her own
-silence subjected her to a suspicion of the same kind: for indeed she
-had scarce opened her lips either now or the last evening.
-
-"I am glad, Nanny," says Mrs Miller, "the gentleman hath made the
-observation; I protest I am almost of his opinion. What can be the
-matter with you, child? I never saw such an alteration. What is become
-of all your gaiety? Would you think, sir, I used to call her my little
-prattler? She hath not spoke twenty words this week."
-
-Here their conversation was interrupted by the entrance of a
-maid-servant, who brought a bundle in her hand, which, she said, "was
-delivered by a porter for Mr Jones." She added, "That the man
-immediately went away, saying, it required no answer."
-
-Jones expressed some surprize on this occasion, and declared it must
-be some mistake; but the maid persisting that she was certain of the
-name, all the women were desirous of having the bundle immediately
-opened; which operation was at length performed by little Betsy, with
-the consent of Mr Jones: and the contents were found to be a domino, a
-mask, and a masquerade ticket.
-
-Jones was now more positive than ever in asserting, that these things
-must have been delivered by mistake; and Mrs Miller herself expressed
-some doubt, and said, "She knew not what to think." But when Mr
-Nightingale was asked, he delivered a very different opinion. "All I
-can conclude from it, sir," said he, "is, that you are a very happy
-man; for I make no doubt but these were sent you by some lady whom you
-will have the happiness of meeting at the masquerade."
-
-Jones had not a sufficient degree of vanity to entertain any such
-flattering imagination; nor did Mrs Miller herself give much assent to
-what Mr Nightingale had said, till Miss Nancy having lifted up the
-domino, a card dropt from the sleeve, in which was written as
-follows:--
-
-     To MR JONES.
-
-     The queen of the fairies sends you this;
-     Use her favours not amiss.
-
-Mrs Miller and Miss Nancy now both agreed with Mr Nightingale; nay,
-Jones himself was almost persuaded to be of the same opinion. And as
-no other lady but Mrs Fitzpatrick, he thought, knew his lodging, he
-began to flatter himself with some hopes, that it came from her, and
-that he might possibly see his Sophia. These hopes had surely very
-little foundation; but as the conduct of Mrs Fitzpatrick, in not
-seeing him according to her promise, and in quitting her lodgings, had
-been very odd and unaccountable, he conceived some faint hopes, that
-she (of whom he had formerly heard a very whimsical character) might
-possibly intend to do him that service in a strange manner, which she
-declined doing by more ordinary methods. To say the truth, as nothing
-certain could be concluded from so odd and uncommon an incident, he
-had the greater latitude to draw what imaginary conclusions from it he
-pleased. As his temper therefore was naturally sanguine, he indulged
-it on this occasion, and his imagination worked up a thousand
-conceits, to favour and support his expectations of meeting his dear
-Sophia in the evening.
-
-Reader, if thou hast any good wishes towards me, I will fully repay
-them by wishing thee to be possessed of this sanguine disposition of
-mind; since, after having read much and considered long on that
-subject of happiness which hath employed so many great pens, I am
-almost inclined to fix it in the possession of this temper; which puts
-us, in a manner, out of the reach of Fortune, and makes us happy
-without her assistance. Indeed, the sensations of pleasure it gives
-are much more constant as well as much keener, than those which that
-blind lady bestows; nature having wisely contrived, that some satiety
-and languor should be annexed to all our real enjoyments, lest we
-should be so taken up by them, as to be stopt from further pursuits. I
-make no manner of doubt but that, in this light, we may see the
-imaginary future chancellor just called to the bar, the archbishop in
-crape, and the prime minister at the tail of an opposition, more truly
-happy than those who are invested with all the power and profit of
-those respective offices.
-
-Mr Jones having now determined to go to the masquerade that evening,
-Mr Nightingale offered to conduct him thither. The young gentleman, at
-the same time, offered tickets to Miss Nancy and her mother; but the
-good woman would not accept them. She said, "she did not conceive the
-harm which some people imagined in a masquerade; but that such
-extravagant diversions were proper only for persons of quality and
-fortune, and not for young women who were to get their living, and
-could, at best, hope to be married to a good tradesman."----"A
-tradesman!" cries Nightingale, "you shan't undervalue my Nancy. There
-is not a nobleman upon earth above her merit." "O fie! Mr
-Nightingale," answered Mrs Miller, "you must not fill the girl's head
-with such fancies: but if it was her good luck" (says the mother with
-a simper) "to find a gentleman of your generous way of thinking, I
-hope she would make a better return to his generosity than to give her
-mind up to extravagant pleasures. Indeed, where young ladies bring
-great fortunes themselves, they have some right to insist on spending
-what is their own; and on that account I have heard the gentlemen say,
-a man has sometimes a better bargain with a poor wife, than with a
-rich one.----But let my daughters marry whom they will, I shall
-endeavour to make them blessings to their husbands:----I beg,
-therefore, I may hear of no more masquerades. Nancy is, I am certain,
-too good a girl to desire to go; for she must remember when you
-carried her thither last year, it almost turned her head; and she did
-not return to herself, or to her needle, in a month afterwards."
-
-Though a gentle sigh, which stole from the bosom of Nancy, seemed to
-argue some secret disapprobation of these sentiments, she did not dare
-openly to oppose them. For as this good woman had all the tenderness,
-so she had preserved all the authority of a parent; and as her
-indulgence to the desires of her children was restrained only by her
-fears for their safety and future welfare, so she never suffered those
-commands which proceeded from such fears to be either disobeyed or
-disputed. And this the young gentleman, who had lodged two years in
-the house, knew so well, that he presently acquiesced in the refusal.
-
-Mr Nightingale, who grew every minute fonder of Jones, was very
-desirous of his company that day to dinner at the tavern, where he
-offered to introduce him to some of his acquaintance; but Jones begged
-to be excused, "as his cloaths," he said, "were not yet come to town."
-
-To confess the truth, Mr Jones was now in a situation, which sometimes
-happens to be the case of young gentlemen of much better figure than
-himself. In short, he had not one penny in his pocket; a situation in
-much greater credit among the antient philosophers than among the
-modern wise men who live in Lombard-street, or those who frequent
-White's chocolate-house. And, perhaps, the great honours which those
-philosophers have ascribed to an empty pocket may be one of the
-reasons of that high contempt in which they are held in the aforesaid
-street and chocolate-house.
-
-Now if the antient opinion, that men might live very comfortably on
-virtue only, be, as the modern wise men just above-mentioned pretend
-to have discovered, a notorious error; no less false is, I apprehend,
-that position of some writers of romance, that a man can live
-altogether on love; for however delicious repasts this may afford to
-some of our senses or appetites, it is most certain it can afford none
-to others. Those, therefore, who have placed too great a confidence in
-such writers, have experienced their error when it was too late; and
-have found that love was no more capable of allaying hunger, than a
-rose is capable of delighting the ear, or a violin of gratifying the
-smell.
-
-Notwithstanding, therefore, all the delicacies which love had set
-before him, namely, the hopes of seeing Sophia at the masquerade; on
-which, however ill-founded his imagination might be, he had
-voluptuously feasted during the whole day, the evening no sooner came
-than Mr Jones began to languish for some food of a grosser kind.
-Partridge discovered this by intuition, and took the occasion to give
-some oblique hints concerning the bank-bill; and, when these were
-rejected with disdain, he collected courage enough once more to
-mention a return to Mr Allworthy.
-
-"Partridge," cries Jones, "you cannot see my fortune in a more
-desperate light than I see it myself; and I begin heartily to repent
-that I suffered you to leave a place where you was settled, and to
-follow me. However, I insist now on your returning home; and for the
-expense and trouble which you have so kindly put yourself to on my
-account, all the cloaths I left behind in your care I desire you would
-take as your own. I am sorry I can make you no other acknowledgment."
-
-He spoke these words with so pathetic an accent, that Partridge, among
-whose vices ill-nature or hardness of heart were not numbered, burst
-into tears; and after swearing he would not quit him in his distress,
-he began with the most earnest entreaties to urge his return home.
-"For heaven's sake, sir," says he, "do but consider; what can your
-honour do?--how is it possible you can live in this town without
-money? Do what you will, sir, or go wherever you please, I am resolved
-not to desert you. But pray, sir, consider--do pray, sir, for your own
-sake, take it into your consideration; and I'm sure," says he, "that
-your own good sense will bid you return home."
-
-"How often shall I tell thee," answered Jones, "that I have no home to
-return to? Had I any hopes that Mr Allworthy's doors would be open to
-receive me, I want no distress to urge me--nay, there is no other
-cause upon earth, which could detain me a moment from flying to his
-presence; but, alas! that I am for ever banished from. His last words
-were--O, Partridge, they still ring in my ears--his last words were,
-when he gave me a sum of money--what it was I know not, but
-considerable I'm sure it was--his last words were--`I am resolved from
-this day forward, on no account to converse with you any more.'"
-
-Here passion stopt the mouth of Jones, as surprize for a moment did
-that of Partridge; but he soon recovered the use of speech, and after
-a short preface, in which he declared he had no inquisitiveness in his
-temper, enquired what Jones meant by a considerable sum--he knew not
-how much--and what was become of the money.
-
-In both these points he now received full satisfaction; on which he
-was proceeding to comment, when he was interrupted by a message from
-Mr Nightingale, who desired his master's company in his apartment.
-
-When the two gentlemen were both attired for the masquerade, and Mr
-Nightingale had given orders for chairs to be sent for, a circumstance
-of distress occurred to Jones, which will appear very ridiculous to
-many of my readers. This was how to procure a shilling; but if such
-readers will reflect a little on what they have themselves felt from
-the want of a thousand pounds, or, perhaps, of ten or twenty, to
-execute a favourite scheme, they will have a perfect idea of what Mr
-Jones felt on this occasion. For this sum, therefore, he applied to
-Partridge, which was the first he had permitted him to advance, and
-was the last he intended that poor fellow should advance in his
-service. To say the truth, Partridge had lately made no offer of this
-kind. Whether it was that he desired to see the bank-bill broke in
-upon, or that distress should prevail on Jones to return home, or from
-what other motive it proceeded, I will not determine.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Containing the whole humours of a masquerade.
-
-
-Our cavaliers now arrived at that temple, where Heydegger, the great
-Arbiter Deliciarum, the great high-priest of pleasure, presides; and,
-like other heathen priests, imposes on his votaries by the pretended
-presence of the deity, when in reality no such deity is there.
-
-Mr Nightingale, having taken a turn or two with his companion, soon
-left him, and walked off with a female, saying, "Now you are here,
-sir, you must beat about for your own game."
-
-Jones began to entertain strong hopes that his Sophia was present; and
-these hopes gave him more spirits than the lights, the music, and the
-company; though these are pretty strong antidotes against the spleen.
-He now accosted every woman he saw, whose stature, shape, or air, bore
-any resemblance to his angel. To all of whom he endeavoured to say
-something smart, in order to engage an answer, by which he might
-discover that voice which he thought it impossible he should mistake.
-Some of these answered by a question, in a squeaking voice, Do you
-know me? Much the greater number said, I don't know you, sir, and
-nothing more. Some called him an impertinent fellow; some made him no
-answer at all; some said, Indeed I don't know your voice, and I shall
-have nothing to say to you; and many gave him as kind answers as he
-could wish, but not in the voice he desired to hear.
-
-Whilst he was talking with one of these last (who was in the habit of
-a shepherdess) a lady in a domino came up to him, and slapping him on
-the shoulder, whispered him, at the same time, in the ear, "If you
-talk any longer with that trollop, I will acquaint Miss Western."
-
-Jones no sooner heard that name, than, immediately quitting his former
-companion, he applied to the domino, begging and entreating her to
-show him the lady she had mentioned, if she was then in the room.
-
-The mask walked hastily to the upper end of the innermost apartment
-before she spoke; and then, instead of answering him, sat down, and
-declared she was tired. Jones sat down by her, and still persisted in
-his entreaties; at last the lady coldly answered, "I imagined Mr Jones
-had been a more discerning lover, than to suffer any disguise to
-conceal his mistress from him." "Is she here, then, madam?" replied
-Jones, with some vehemence. Upon which the lady cried--"Hush, sir, you
-will be observed. I promise you, upon my honour, Miss Western is not
-here."
-
-Jones, now taking the mask by the hand, fell to entreating her in the
-most earnest manner, to acquaint him where he might find Sophia; and
-when he could obtain no direct answer, he began to upbraid her gently
-for having disappointed him the day before; and concluded, saying,
-"Indeed, my good fairy queen, I know your majesty very well,
-notwithstanding the affected disguise of your voice. Indeed, Mrs
-Fitzpatrick, it is a little cruel to divert yourself at the expense of
-my torments."
-
-The mask answered, "Though you have so ingeniously discovered me, I
-must still speak in the same voice, lest I should be known by others.
-And do you think, good sir, that I have no greater regard for my
-cousin, than to assist in carrying on an affair between you two, which
-must end in her ruin, as well as your own? Besides, I promise you, my
-cousin is not mad enough to consent to her own destruction, if you are
-so much her enemy as to tempt her to it."
-
-"Alas, madam!" said Jones, "you little know my heart, when you call me
-an enemy of Sophia."
-
-"And yet to ruin any one," cries the other, "you will allow, is the
-act of an enemy; and when by the same act you must knowingly and
-certainly bring ruin on yourself, is it not folly or madness, as well
-as guilt? Now, sir, my cousin hath very little more than her father
-will please to give her; very little for one of her fashion--you know
-him, and you know your own situation."
-
-Jones vowed he had no such design on Sophia, "That he would rather
-suffer the most violent of deaths than sacrifice her interest to his
-desires." He said, "he knew how unworthy he was of her, every way,
-that he had long ago resolved to quit all such aspiring thoughts, but
-that some strange accidents had made him desirous to see her once
-more, when he promised he would take leave of her for ever. No,
-madam," concluded he, "my love is not of that base kind which seeks
-its own satisfaction at the expense of what is most dear to its
-object. I would sacrifice everything to the possession of my Sophia,
-but Sophia herself."
-
-Though the reader may have already conceived no very sublime idea of
-the virtue of the lady in the mask; and though possibly she may
-hereafter appear not to deserve one of the first characters of her
-sex; yet, it is certain, these generous sentiments made a strong
-impression upon her, and greatly added to the affection she had before
-conceived for our young heroe.
-
-The lady now, after silence of a few moments, said, "She did not see
-his pretensions to Sophia so much in the light of presumption, as of
-imprudence. Young fellows," says she, "can never have too aspiring
-thoughts. I love ambition in a young man, and I would have you
-cultivate it as much as possible. Perhaps you may succeed with those
-who are infinitely superior in fortune; nay, I am convinced there are
-women----but don't you think me a strange creature, Mr Jones, to be
-thus giving advice to a man with whom I am so little acquainted, and
-one with whose behaviour to me I have so little reason to be pleased?"
-
-Here Jones began to apologize, and to hope he had not offended in
-anything he had said of her cousin.--To which the mask answered, "And
-are you so little versed in the sex, to imagine you can well affront a
-lady more than by entertaining her with your passion for another
-woman? If the fairy queen had conceived no better opinion of your
-gallantry, she would scarce have appointed you to meet her at the
-masquerade."
-
-Jones had never less inclination to an amour than at present; but
-gallantry to the ladies was among his principles of honour; and he
-held it as much incumbent on him to accept a challenge to love, as if
-it had been a challenge to fight. Nay, his very love to Sophia made it
-necessary for him to keep well with the lady, as he made no doubt but
-she was capable of bringing him into the presence of the other.
-
-He began therefore to make a very warm answer to her last speech, when
-a mask, in the character of an old woman, joined them. This mask was
-one of those ladies who go to a masquerade only to vent ill-nature, by
-telling people rude truths, and by endeavouring, as the phrase is, to
-spoil as much sport as they are able. This good lady, therefore,
-having observed Jones, and his friend, whom she well knew, in close
-consultation together in a corner of the room, concluded she could
-nowhere satisfy her spleen better than by interrupting them. She
-attacked them, therefore, and soon drove them from their retirement;
-nor was she contented with this, but pursued them to every place which
-they shifted to avoid her; till Mr Nightingale, seeing the distress of
-his friend, at last relieved him, and engaged the old woman in another
-pursuit.
-
-While Jones and his mask were walking together about the room, to rid
-themselves of the teazer, he observed his lady speak to several masks,
-with the same freedom of acquaintance as if they had been barefaced.
-He could not help expressing his surprize at this; saying, "Sure,
-madam, you must have infinite discernment, to know people in all
-disguises." To which the lady answered, "You cannot conceive anything
-more insipid and childish than a masquerade to the people of fashion,
-who in general know one another as well here as when they meet in an
-assembly or a drawing-room; nor will any woman of condition converse
-with a person with whom she is not acquainted. In short, the
-generality of persons whom you see here may more properly be said to
-kill time in this place than in any other; and generally retire from
-hence more tired than from the longest sermon. To say the truth, I
-begin to be in that situation myself; and if I have any faculty at
-guessing, you are not much better pleased. I protest it would be
-almost charity in me to go home for your sake." "I know but one
-charity equal to it," cries Jones, "and that is to suffer me to wait
-on you home." "Sure," answered the lady, "you have a strange opinion
-of me, to imagine, that upon such an acquaintance, I would let you
-into my doors at this time of night. I fancy you impute the friendship
-I have shown my cousin to some other motive. Confess honestly; don't
-you consider this contrived interview as little better than a
-downright assignation? Are you used, Mr Jones, to make these sudden
-conquests?" "I am not used, madam," said Jones, "to submit to such
-sudden conquests; but as you have taken my heart by surprize, the rest
-of my body hath a right to follow; so you must pardon me if I resolve
-to attend you wherever you go." He accompanied these words with some
-proper actions; upon which the lady, after a gentle rebuke, and saying
-their familiarity would be observed, told him, "She was going to sup
-with an acquaintance, whither she hoped he would not follow her; for
-if you should," said she, "I shall be thought an unaccountable
-creature, though my friend indeed is not censorious: yet I hope you
-won't follow me; I protest I shall not know what to say if you do."
-
-The lady presently after quitted the masquerade, and Jones,
-notwithstanding the severe prohibition he had received, presumed to
-attend her. He was now reduced to the same dilemma we have mentioned
-before, namely, the want of a shilling, and could not relieve it by
-borrowing as before. He therefore walked boldly on after the chair in
-which his lady rode, pursued by a grand huzza, from all the chairmen
-present, who wisely take the best care they can to discountenance all
-walking afoot by their betters. Luckily, however, the gentry who
-attend at the Opera-house were too busy to quit their stations, and as
-the lateness of the hour prevented him from meeting many of their
-brethren in the street, he proceeded without molestation, in a dress,
-which, at another season, would have certainly raised a mob at his
-heels.
-
-The lady was set down in a street not far from Hanover-square, where
-the door being presently opened, she was carried in, and the
-gentleman, without any ceremony, walked in after her.
-
-Jones and his companion were now together in a very well-furnished and
-well-warmed room; when the female, still speaking in her masquerade
-voice, said she was surprized at her friend, who must absolutely have
-forgot her appointment; at which, after venting much resentment, she
-suddenly exprest some apprehension from Jones, and asked him what the
-world would think of their having been alone together in a house at
-that time of night? But instead of a direct answer to so important a
-question, Jones began to be very importunate with the lady to unmask;
-and at length having prevailed, there appeared not Mrs Fitzpatrick,
-but the Lady Bellaston herself.
-
-It would be tedious to give the particular conversation, which
-consisted of very common and ordinary occurrences, and which lasted
-from two till six o'clock in the morning. It is sufficient to mention
-all of it that is anywise material to this history. And this was a
-promise that the lady would endeavour to find out Sophia, and in a few
-days bring him to an interview with her, on condition that he would
-then take his leave of her. When this was thoroughly settled, and a
-second meeting in the evening appointed at the same place, they
-separated; the lady returned to her house, and Jones to his lodgings.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Containing a scene of distress, which will appear very extraordinary
-to most of our readers.
-
-
-Jones having refreshed himself with a few hours' sleep, summoned
-Partridge to his presence; and delivering him a bank-note of fifty
-pounds, ordered him to go and change it. Partridge received this with
-sparkling eyes, though, when he came to reflect farther, it raised in
-him some suspicions not very advantageous to the honour of his master:
-to these the dreadful idea he had of the masquerade, the disguise in
-which his master had gone out and returned, and his having been abroad
-all night, contributed. In plain language, the only way he could
-possibly find to account for the possession of this note, was by
-robbery: and, to confess the truth, the reader, unless he should
-suspect it was owing to the generosity of Lady Bellaston, can hardly
-imagine any other.
-
-To clear, therefore, the honour of Mr Jones, and to do justice to the
-liberality of the lady, he had really received this present from her,
-who, though she did not give much into the hackney charities of the
-age, such as building hospitals, &c., was not, however, entirely void
-of that Christian virtue; and conceived (very rightly I think) that a
-young fellow of merit, without a shilling in the world, was no
-improper object of this virtue.
-
-Mr Jones and Mr Nightingale had been invited to dine this day with Mrs
-Miller. At the appointed hour, therefore, the two young gentlemen,
-with the two girls, attended in the parlour, where they waited from
-three till almost five before the good woman appeared. She had been
-out of town to visit a relation, of whom, at her return, she gave the
-following account.
-
-"I hope, gentlemen, you will pardon my making you wait; I am sure if
-you knew the occasion--I have been to see a cousin of mine, about six
-miles off, who now lies in.--It should be a warning to all persons
-(says she, looking at her daughters) how they marry indiscreetly.
-There is no happiness in this world without a competency. O Nancy! how
-shall I describe the wretched condition in which I found your poor
-cousin? she hath scarce lain in a week, and there was she, this
-dreadful weather, in a cold room, without any curtains to her bed, and
-not a bushel of coals in her house to supply her with fire; her second
-son, that sweet little fellow, lies ill of a quinzy in the same bed
-with his mother; for there is no other bed in the house. Poor little
-Tommy! I believe, Nancy, you will never see your favourite any more;
-for he is really very ill. The rest of the children are in pretty good
-health: but Molly, I am afraid, will do herself an injury: she is but
-thirteen years old, Mr Nightingale, and yet, in my life, I never saw a
-better nurse: she tends both her mother and her brother; and, what is
-wonderful in a creature so young, she shows all the chearfulness in
-the world to her mother; and yet I saw her--I saw the poor child, Mr
-Nightingale, turn about, and privately wipe the tears from her eyes."
-Here Mrs Miller was prevented, by her own tears, from going on, and
-there was not, I believe, a person present who did not accompany her
-in them; at length she a little recovered herself, and proceeded thus:
-"In all this distress the mother supports her spirits in a surprizing
-manner. The danger of her son sits heaviest upon her, and yet she
-endeavours as much as possible to conceal even this concern, on her
-husband's account. Her grief, however, sometimes gets the better of
-all her endeavours; for she was always extravagantly fond of this boy,
-and a most sensible, sweet-tempered creature it is. I protest I was
-never more affected in my life than when I heard the little wretch,
-who is hardly yet seven years old, while his mother was wetting him
-with her tears, beg her to be comforted. `Indeed, mamma,' cried the
-child, `I shan't die; God Almighty, I'm sure, won't take Tommy away;
-let heaven be ever so fine a place, I had rather stay here and starve
-with you and my papa than go to it.' Pardon me, gentlemen, I can't
-help it" (says she, wiping her eyes), "such sensibility and affection
-in a child.--And yet, perhaps, he is least the object of pity; for a
-day or two will, most probably, place him beyond the reach of all
-human evils. The father is, indeed, most worthy of compassion. Poor
-man, his countenance is the very picture of horror, and he looks like
-one rather dead than alive. Oh heavens! what a scene did I behold at
-my first coming into the room! The good creature was lying behind the
-bolster, supporting at once both his child and his wife. He had
-nothing on but a thin waistcoat; for his coat was spread over the bed,
-to supply the want of blankets.--When he rose up at my entrance, I
-scarce knew him. As comely a man, Mr Jones, within this fortnight, as
-you ever beheld; Mr Nightingale hath seen him. His eyes sunk, his face
-pale, with a long beard. His body shivering with cold, and worn with
-hunger too; for my cousin says she can hardly prevail upon him to
-eat.--He told me himself in a whisper--he told me--I can't repeat
-it--he said he could not bear to eat the bread his children wanted.
-And yet, can you believe it, gentlemen? in all this misery his wife
-has as good caudle as if she lay in the midst of the greatest
-affluence; I tasted it, and I scarce ever tasted better.--The means of
-procuring her this, he said, he believed was sent him by an angel from
-heaven. I know not what he meant; for I had not spirits enough to ask
-a single question.
-
-"This was a love-match, as they call it, on both sides; that is, a
-match between two beggars. I must, indeed, say, I never saw a fonder
-couple; but what is their fondness good for, but to torment each
-other?" "Indeed, mamma," cries Nancy, "I have always looked on my
-cousin Anderson" (for that was her name) "as one of the happiest of
-women." "I am sure," says Mrs Miller, "the case at present is much
-otherwise; for any one might have discerned that the tender
-consideration of each other's sufferings makes the most intolerable
-part of their calamity, both to the husband and wife. Compared to
-which, hunger and cold, as they affect their own persons only, are
-scarce evils. Nay, the very children, the youngest, which is not two
-years old, excepted, feel in the same manner; for they are a most
-loving family, and, if they had but a bare competency, would be the
-happiest people in the world." "I never saw the least sign of misery
-at her house," replied Nancy; "I am sure my heart bleeds for what you
-now tell me."--"O child," answered the mother, "she hath always
-endeavoured to make the best of everything. They have always been in
-great distress; but, indeed, this absolute ruin hath been brought upon
-them by others. The poor man was bail for the villain his brother; and
-about a week ago, the very day before her lying-in, their goods were
-all carried away, and sold by an execution. He sent a letter to me of
-it by one of the bailiffs, which the villain never delivered.--What
-must he think of my suffering a week to pass before he heard of me?"
-
-It was not with dry eyes that Jones heard this narrative; when it was
-ended he took Mrs Miller apart with him into another room, and,
-delivering her his purse, in which was the sum of £50, desired her to
-send as much of it as she thought proper to these poor people. The
-look which Mrs Miller gave Jones, on this occasion, is not easy to be
-described. She burst into a kind of agony of transport, and cryed
-out--"Good heavens! is there such a man in the world?"--But
-recollecting herself, she said, "Indeed I know one such; but can there
-be another?" "I hope, madam," cries Jones, "there are many who have
-common humanity; for to relieve such distresses in our fellow-creatures,
-can hardly be called more." Mrs Miller then took ten guineas, which
-were the utmost he could prevail with her to accept, and said, "She
-would find some means of conveying them early the next morning;"
-adding, "that she had herself done some little matter for the poor
-people, and had not left them in quite so much misery as she found
-them."
-
-They then returned to the parlour, where Nightingale expressed much
-concern at the dreadful situation of these wretches, whom indeed he
-knew; for he had seen them more than once at Mrs Miller's. He
-inveighed against the folly of making oneself liable for the debts of
-others; vented many bitter execrations against the brother; and
-concluded with wishing something could be done for the unfortunate
-family. "Suppose, madam," said he, "you should recommend them to Mr
-Allworthy? Or what think you of a collection? I will give them a
-guinea with all my heart."
-
-Mrs Miller made no answer; and Nancy, to whom her mother had whispered
-the generosity of Jones, turned pale upon the occasion; though, if
-either of them was angry with Nightingale, it was surely without
-reason. For the liberality of Jones, if he had known it, was not an
-example which he had any obligation to follow; and there are thousands
-who would not have contributed a single halfpenny, as indeed he did
-not in effect, for he made no tender of anything; and therefore, as
-the others thought proper to make no demand, he kept his money in his
-pocket.
-
-I have, in truth, observed, and shall never have a better opportunity
-than at present to communicate my observation, that the world are in
-general divided into two opinions concerning charity, which are the
-very reverse of each other. One party seems to hold, that all acts of
-this kind are to be esteemed as voluntary gifts, and, however little
-you give (if indeed no more than your good wishes), you acquire a
-great degree of merit in so doing. Others, on the contrary, appear to
-be as firmly persuaded, that beneficence is a positive duty, and that
-whenever the rich fall greatly short of their ability in relieving the
-distresses of the poor, their pitiful largesses are so far from being
-meritorious, that they have only performed their duty by halves, and
-are in some sense more contemptible than those who have entirely
-neglected it.
-
-To reconcile these different opinions is not in my power. I shall only
-add, that the givers are generally of the former sentiment, and the
-receivers are almost universally inclined to the latter.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Which treats of matters of a very different kind from those in the
-preceding chapter.
-
-
-In the evening Jones met his lady again, and a long conversation again
-ensued between them: but as it consisted only of the same ordinary
-occurrences as before, we shall avoid mentioning particulars, which we
-despair of rendering agreeable to the reader; unless he is one whose
-devotion to the fair sex, like that of the papists to their saints,
-wants to be raised by the help of pictures. But I am so far from
-desiring to exhibit such pictures to the public, that I would wish to
-draw a curtain over those that have been lately set forth in certain
-French novels; very bungling copies of which have been presented us
-here under the name of translations.
-
-Jones grew still more and more impatient to see Sophia; and finding,
-after repeated interviews with Lady Bellaston, no likelihood of
-obtaining this by her means (for, on the contrary, the lady began to
-treat even the mention of the name of Sophia with resentment), he
-resolved to try some other method. He made no doubt but that Lady
-Bellaston knew where his angel was, so he thought it most likely that
-some of her servants should be acquainted with the same secret.
-Partridge therefore was employed to get acquainted with those
-servants, in order to fish this secret out of them.
-
-Few situations can be imagined more uneasy than that to which his poor
-master was at present reduced; for besides the difficulties he met
-with in discovering Sophia, besides the fears he had of having
-disobliged her, and the assurances he had received from Lady Bellaston
-of the resolution which Sophia had taken against him, and of her
-having purposely concealed herself from him, which he had sufficient
-reason to believe might be true; he had still a difficulty to combat
-which it was not in the power of his mistress to remove, however kind
-her inclination might have been. This was the exposing of her to be
-disinherited of all her father's estate, the almost inevitable
-consequence of their coming together without a consent, which he had
-no hopes of ever obtaining.
-
-Add to all these the many obligations which Lady Bellaston, whose
-violent fondness we can no longer conceal, had heaped upon him; so
-that by her means he was now become one of the best-dressed men about
-town; and was not only relieved from those ridiculous distresses we
-have before mentioned, but was actually raised to a state of affluence
-beyond what he had ever known.
-
-Now, though there are many gentlemen who very well reconcile it to
-their consciences to possess themselves of the whole fortune of a
-woman, without making her any kind of return; yet to a mind, the
-proprietor of which doth not deserved to be hanged, nothing is, I
-believe, more irksome than to support love with gratitude only;
-especially where inclination pulls the heart a contrary way. Such was
-the unhappy case of Jones; for though the virtuous love he bore to
-Sophia, and which left very little affection for any other woman, had
-been entirely out of the question, he could never have been able to
-have made any adequate return to the generous passion of this lady,
-who had indeed been once an object of desire, but was now entered at
-least into the autumn of life, though she wore all the gaiety of
-youth, both in her dress and manner; nay, she contrived still to
-maintain the roses in her cheeks; but these, like flowers forced out
-of season by art, had none of that lively blooming freshness with
-which Nature, at the proper time, bedecks her own productions. She
-had, besides, a certain imperfection, which renders some flowers,
-though very beautiful to the eye, very improper to be placed in a
-wilderness of sweets, and what above all others is most disagreeable
-to the breath of love.
-
-Though Jones saw all these discouragements on the one side, he felt
-his obligations full as strongly on the other; nor did he less plainly
-discern the ardent passion whence those obligations proceeded, the
-extreme violence of which if he failed to equal, he well knew the lady
-would think him ungrateful; and, what is worse, he would have thought
-himself so. He knew the tacit consideration upon which all her favours
-were conferred; and as his necessity obliged him to accept them, so
-his honour, he concluded, forced him to pay the price. This therefore
-he resolved to do, whatever misery it cost him, and to devote himself
-to her, from that great principle of justice, by which the laws of
-some countries oblige a debtor, who is no otherwise capable of
-discharging his debt, to become the slave of his creditor.
-
-While he was meditating on these matters, he received the following
-note from the lady:--
-
-  "A very foolish, but a very perverse accident hath happened since
-  our last meeting, which makes it improper I should see you any more
-  at the usual place.  I will, if possible, contrive some other place
-  by to-morrow.  In the meantime, adieu."
-
-This disappointment, perhaps, the reader may conclude was not very
-great; but if it was, he was quickly relieved; for in less than an
-hour afterwards another note was brought him from the same hand, which
-contained as follows:--
-
-  "I have altered my mind since I wrote; a change which, if you are no
-  stranger to the tenderest of all passions, you will not wonder at. I
-  am now resolved to see you this evening at my own house, whatever
-  may be the consequence. Come to me exactly at seven; I dine abroad,
-  but will be at home by that time. A day, I find, to those that
-  sincerely love, seems longer than I imagined.
-
-  "If you should accidentally be a few moments before me, bid them
-  show you into the drawing-room."
-
-To confess the truth, Jones was less pleased with this last epistle
-than he had been with the former, as he was prevented by it from
-complying with the earnest entreaties of Mr Nightingale, with whom he
-had now contracted much intimacy and friendship. These entreaties were
-to go with that young gentleman and his company to a new play, which
-was to be acted that evening, and which a very large party had agreed
-to damn, from some dislike they had taken to the author, who was a
-friend to one of Mr Nightingale's acquaintance. And this sort of fun,
-our heroe, we are ashamed to confess, would willingly have preferred
-to the above kind appointment; but his honour got the better of his
-inclination.
-
-Before we attend him to this intended interview with the lady, we
-think proper to account for both the preceding notes, as the reader
-may possibly be not a little surprized at the imprudence of Lady
-Bellaston, in bringing her lover to the very house where her rival was
-lodged.
-
-First, then, the mistress of the house where these lovers had hitherto
-met, and who had been for some years a pensioner to that lady, was now
-become a methodist, and had that very morning waited upon her
-ladyship, and after rebuking her very severely for her past life, had
-positively declared that she would, on no account, be instrumental in
-carrying on any of her affairs for the future.
-
-The hurry of spirits into which this accident threw the lady made her
-despair of possibly finding any other convenience to meet Jones that
-evening; but as she began a little to recover from her uneasiness at
-the disappointment, she set her thoughts to work, when luckily it came
-into her head to propose to Sophia to go to the play, which was
-immediately consented to, and a proper lady provided for her
-companion. Mrs Honour was likewise despatched with Mrs Etoff on the
-same errand of pleasure; and thus her own house was left free for the
-safe reception of Mr Jones, with whom she promised herself two or
-three hours of uninterrupted conversation after her return from the
-place where she dined, which was at a friend's house in a pretty
-distant part of the town, near her old place of assignation, where she
-had engaged herself before she was well apprized of the revolution
-that had happened in the mind and morals of her late confidante.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-A chapter which, though short, may draw tears from some eyes.
-
-
-Mr Jones was just dressed to wait on Lady Bellaston, when Mrs Miller
-rapped at his door; and, being admitted, very earnestly desired his
-company below-stairs, to drink tea in the parlour.
-
-Upon his entrance into the room, she presently introduced a person to
-him, saying, "This, sir, is my cousin, who hath been so greatly
-beholden to your goodness, for which he begs to return you his
-sincerest thanks."
-
-The man had scarce entered upon that speech which Mrs Miller had so
-kindly prefaced, when both Jones and he, looking stedfastly at each
-other, showed at once the utmost tokens of surprize. The voice of the
-latter began instantly to faulter; and, instead of finishing his
-speech, he sunk down into a chair, crying, "It is so, I am convinced
-it is so!"
-
-"Bless me! what's the meaning of this?" cries Mrs Miller; "you are not
-ill, I hope, cousin? Some water, a dram this instant."
-
-"Be not frighted, madam," cries Jones, "I have almost as much need of
-a dram as your cousin. We are equally surprized at this unexpected
-meeting. Your cousin is an acquaintance of mine, Mrs Miller."
-
-"An acquaintance!" cries the man.--"Oh, heaven!"
-
-"Ay, an acquaintance," repeated Jones, "and an honoured acquaintance
-too. When I do not love and honour the man who dares venture
-everything to preserve his wife and children from instant destruction,
-may I have a friend capable of disowning me in adversity!"
-
-"Oh, you are an excellent young man," cries Mrs Miller:--"Yes, indeed,
-poor creature! he hath ventured everything.--If he had not had one of
-the best of constitutions, it must have killed him."
-
-"Cousin," cries the man, who had now pretty well recovered himself,
-"this is the angel from heaven whom I meant. This is he to whom,
-before I saw you, I owed the preservation of my Peggy. He it was to
-whose generosity every comfort, every support which I have procured
-for her, was owing. He is, indeed, the worthiest, bravest, noblest; of
-all human beings. O cousin, I have obligations to this gentleman of
-such a nature!"
-
-"Mention nothing of obligations," cries Jones eagerly; "not a word, I
-insist upon it, not a word" (meaning, I suppose, that he would not
-have him betray the affair of the robbery to any person). "If, by the
-trifle you have received from me, I have preserved a whole family,
-sure pleasure was never bought so cheap."
-
-"Oh, sir!" cries the man, "I wish you could this instant see my house.
-If any person had ever a right to the pleasure you mention, I am
-convinced it is yourself. My cousin tells me she acquainted you with
-the distress in which she found us. That, sir, is all greatly removed,
-and chiefly by your goodness.----My children have now a bed to lie
-on----and they have----they have----eternal blessings reward you for
-it!----they have bread to eat. My little boy is recovered; my wife is
-out of danger, and I am happy. All, all owing to you, sir, and to my
-cousin here, one of the best of women. Indeed, sir, I must see you at
-my house.--Indeed my wife must see you, and thank you.--My children
-too must express their gratitude.----Indeed, sir, they are not without
-a sense of their obligation; but what is my feeling when I reflect to
-whom I owe that they are now capable of expressing their
-gratitude.----Oh, sir, the little hearts which you have warmed had now
-been cold as ice without your assistance."
-
-Here Jones attempted to prevent the poor man from proceeding; but
-indeed the overflowing of his own heart would of itself have stopped
-his words. And now Mrs Miller likewise began to pour forth
-thanksgivings, as well in her own name, as in that of her cousin, and
-concluded with saying, "She doubted not but such goodness would meet a
-glorious reward."
-
-Jones answered, "He had been sufficiently rewarded already. Your
-cousin's account, madam," said he, "hath given me a sensation more
-pleasing than I have ever known. He must be a wretch who is unmoved at
-hearing such a story; how transporting then must be the thought of
-having happily acted a part in this scene! If there are men who cannot
-feel the delight of giving happiness to others, I sincerely pity them,
-as they are incapable of tasting what is, in my opinion, a greater
-honour, a higher interest, and a sweeter pleasure than the ambitious,
-the avaricious, or the voluptuous man can ever obtain."
-
-The hour of appointment being now come, Jones was forced to take a
-hasty leave, but not before he had heartily shaken his friend by the
-hand, and desired to see him again as soon as possible; promising that
-he would himself take the first opportunity of visiting him at his own
-house. He then stept into his chair, and proceeded to Lady
-Bellaston's, greatly exulting in the happiness which he had procured
-to this poor family; nor could he forbear reflecting, without horror,
-on the dreadful consequences which must have attended them, had he
-listened rather to the voice of strict justice than to that of mercy,
-when he was attacked on the high road.
-
-Mrs Miller sung forth the praises of Jones during the whole evening,
-in which Mr Anderson, while he stayed, so passionately accompanied
-her, that he was often on the very point of mentioning the
-circumstance of the robbery. However, he luckily recollected himself,
-and avoided an indiscretion which would have been so much the greater,
-as he knew Mrs Miller to be extremely strict and nice in her
-principles. He was likewise well apprized of the loquacity of this
-lady; and yet such was his gratitude, that it had almost got the
-better both of discretion and shame, and made him publish that which
-would have defamed his own character, rather than omit any
-circumstances which might do the fullest honour to his benefactor.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-In which the reader will be surprized.
-
-
-Mr Jones was rather earlier than the time appointed, and earlier than
-the lady; whose arrival was hindered, not only by the distance of the
-place where she dined, but by some other cross accidents very
-vexatious to one in her situation of mind. He was accordingly shown
-into the drawing-room, where he had not been many minutes before the
-door opened, and in came----no other than Sophia herself, who had left
-the play before the end of the first act; for this, as we have already
-said, being, a new play, at which two large parties met, the one to
-damn, and the other to applaud, a violent uproar, and an engagement
-between the two parties, had so terrified our heroine, that she was
-glad to put herself under the protection of a young gentleman who
-safely conveyed her to her chair.
-
-As Lady Bellaston had acquainted her that she should not be at home
-till late, Sophia, expecting to find no one in the room, came hastily
-in, and went directly to a glass which almost fronted her, without
-once looking towards the upper end of the room, where the statue of
-Jones now stood motionless.---In this glass it was, after
-contemplating her own lovely face, that she first discovered the said
-statue; when, instantly turning about, she perceived the reality of
-the vision: upon which she gave a violent scream, and scarce preserved
-herself from fainting, till Jones was able to move to her, and support
-her in his arms.
-
-To paint the looks or thoughts of either of these lovers, is beyond my
-power. As their sensations, from their mutual silence, may be judged
-to have been too big for their own utterance, it cannot be supposed
-that I should be able to express them: and the misfortune is, that few
-of my readers have been enough in love to feel by their own hearts
-what past at this time in theirs.
-
-After a short pause, Jones, with faultering accents, said--"I see,
-madam, you are surprized."--"Surprized!" answered she; "Oh heavens!
-Indeed, I am surprized. I almost doubt whether you are the person you
-seem."--"Indeed," cries he, "my Sophia, pardon me, madam, for this
-once calling you so, I am that very wretched Jones, whom fortune,
-after so many disappointments, hath, at last, kindly conducted to you.
-Oh! my Sophia, did you know the thousand torments I have suffered in
-this long, fruitless pursuit."--"Pursuit of whom?" said Sophia, a
-little recollecting herself, and assuming a reserved air.--"Can you be
-so cruel to ask that question?" cries Jones; "Need I say, of you?" "Of
-me!" answered Sophia: "Hath Mr Jones, then, any such important
-business with me?"--"To some, madam," cries Jones, "this might seem an
-important business" (giving her the pocket-book). "I hope, madam, you
-will find it of the same value as when it was lost." Sophia took the
-pocket-book, and was going to speak, when he interrupted her
-thus:--"Let us not, I beseech you, lose one of these precious moments
-which fortune hath so kindly sent us. O, my Sophia! I have business of
-a much superior kind. Thus, on my knees, let me ask your pardon."--"My
-pardon!" cries she; "Sure, sir, after what is past, you cannot expect,
-after what I have heard."--"I scarce know what I say," answered Jones.
-"By heavens! I scarce wish you should pardon me. O my Sophia!
-henceforth never cast away a thought on such a wretch as I am. If any
-remembrance of me should ever intrude to give a moment's uneasiness to
-that tender bosom, think of my unworthiness; and let the remembrance
-of what passed at Upton blot me for ever from your mind."
-
-Sophia stood trembling all this while. Her face was whiter than snow,
-and her heart was throbbing through her stays. But, at the mention of
-Upton, a blush arose in her cheeks, and her eyes, which before she had
-scarce lifted up, were turned upon Jones with a glance of disdain. He
-understood this silent reproach, and replied to it thus: "O my Sophia!
-my only love! you cannot hate or despise me more for what happened
-there than I do myself; but yet do me the justice to think that my
-heart was never unfaithful to you. That had no share in the folly I
-was guilty of; it was even then unalterably yours. Though I despaired
-of possessing you, nay, almost of ever seeing you more, I doated still
-on your charming idea, and could seriously love no other woman. But if
-my heart had not been engaged, she, into whose company I accidently
-fell at that cursed place, was not an object of serious love. Believe
-me, my angel, I never have seen her from that day to this; and never
-intend or desire to see her again." Sophia, in her heart, was very
-glad to hear this; but forcing into her face an air of more coldness
-than she had yet assumed, "Why," said she, "Mr Jones, do you take the
-trouble to make a defence where you are not accused? If I thought it
-worth while to accuse you, I have a charge of unpardonable nature
-indeed."--"What is it, for heaven's sake?" answered Jones, trembling
-and pale, expecting to hear of his amour with Lady Bellaston. "Oh,"
-said she, "how is it possible! can everything noble and everything
-base be lodged together in the same bosom?" Lady Bellaston, and the
-ignominious circumstance of having been kept, rose again in his mind,
-and stopt his mouth from any reply. "Could I have expected," proceeded
-Sophia, "such treatment from you? Nay, from any gentleman, from any
-man of honour? To have my name traduced in public; in inns, among the
-meanest vulgar! to have any little favours that my unguarded heart may
-have too lightly betrayed me to grant, boasted of there! nay, even to
-hear that you had been forced to fly from my love!"
-
-Nothing could equal Jones's surprize at these words of Sophia; but
-yet, not being guilty, he was much less embarrassed how to defend
-himself than if she had touched that tender string at which his
-conscience had been alarmed. By some examination he presently found,
-that her supposing him guilty of so shocking an outrage against his
-love, and her reputation, was entirely owing to Partridge's talk at
-the inns before landlords and servants; for Sophia confessed to him it
-was from them that she received her intelligence. He had no very great
-difficulty to make her believe that he was entirely innocent of an
-offence so foreign to his character; but she had a great deal to
-hinder him from going instantly home, and putting Partridge to death,
-which he more than once swore he would do. This point being cleared
-up, they soon found themselves so well pleased with each other, that
-Jones quite forgot he had begun the conversation with conjuring her to
-give up all thoughts of him; and she was in a temper to have given ear
-to a petition of a very different nature; for before they were aware
-they had both gone so far, that he let fall some words that sounded
-like a proposal of marriage. To which she replied, "That, did not her
-duty to her father forbid her to follow her own inclinations, ruin
-with him would be more welcome to her than the most affluent fortune
-with another man." At the mention of the word ruin, he started, let
-drop her hand, which he had held for some time, and striking his
-breast with his own, cried out, "Oh, Sophia! can I then ruin thee? No;
-by heavens, no! I never will act so base a part. Dearest Sophia,
-whatever it costs me, I will renounce you; I will give you up; I will
-tear all such hopes from my heart as are inconsistent with your real
-good. My love I will ever retain, but it shall be in silence; it shall
-be at a distance from you; it shall be in some foreign land; from
-whence no voice, no sigh of my despair, shall ever reach and disturb
-your ears. And when I am dead"--He would have gone on, but was stopt
-by a flood of tears which Sophia let fall in his bosom, upon which she
-leaned, without being able to speak one word. He kissed them off,
-which, for some moments, she allowed him to do without any resistance;
-but then recollecting herself, gently withdrew out of his arms; and,
-to turn the discourse from a subject too tender, and which she found
-she could not support, bethought herself to ask him a question she
-never had time to put to him before, "How he came into that room?" He
-began to stammer, and would, in all probability, have raised her
-suspicions by the answer he was going to give, when, at once, the door
-opened, and in came Lady Bellaston.
-
-Having advanced a few steps, and seeing Jones and Sophia together, she
-suddenly stopt; when, after a pause of a few moments, recollecting
-herself with admirable presence of mind, she said--though with
-sufficient indications of surprize both in voice and countenance--"I
-thought, Miss Western, you had been at the play?"
-
-Though Sophia had no opportunity of learning of Jones by what means he
-had discovered her, yet, as she had not the least suspicion of the
-real truth, or that Jones and Lady Bellaston were acquainted, so she
-was very little confounded; and the less, as the lady had, in all
-their conversations on the subject, entirely taken her side against
-her father. With very little hesitation, therefore, she went through
-the whole story of what had happened at the play-house, and the cause
-of her hasty return.
-
-The length of this narrative gave Lady Bellaston an opportunity of
-rallying her spirits, and of considering in what manner to act. And as
-the behaviour of Sophia gave her hopes that Jones had not betrayed
-her, she put on an air of good humour, and said, "I should not have
-broke in so abruptly upon you, Miss Western, if I had known you had
-company."
-
-Lady Bellaston fixed her eyes on Sophia whilst she spoke these words.
-To which that poor young lady, having her face overspread with blushes
-and confusion, answered, in a stammering voice, "I am sure, madam, I
-shall always think the honour of your ladyship's company----" "I hope,
-at least," cries Lady Bellaston, "I interrupt no business."--"No,
-madam," answered Sophia, "our business was at an end. Your ladyship
-may be pleased to remember I have often mentioned the loss of my
-pocket-book, which this gentleman, having very luckily found, was so
-kind to return it to me with the bill in it."
-
-Jones, ever since the arrival of Lady Bellaston, had been ready to
-sink with fear. He sat kicking his heels, playing with his fingers,
-and looking more like a fool, if it be possible, than a young booby
-squire, when he is first introduced into a polite assembly. He began,
-however, now to recover himself; and taking a hint from the behaviour
-of Lady Bellaston, who he saw did not intend to claim any acquaintance
-with him, he resolved as entirely to affect the stranger on his part.
-He said, "Ever since he had the pocket-book in his possession, he had
-used great diligence in enquiring out the lady whose name was writ in
-it; but never till that day could be so fortunate to discover her."
-
-Sophia had indeed mentioned the loss of her pocket-book to Lady
-Bellaston; but as Jones, for some reason or other, had never once
-hinted to her that it was in his possession, she believed not one
-syllable of what Sophia now said, and wonderfully admired the extreme
-quickness of the young lady in inventing such an excuse. The reason of
-Sophia's leaving the playhouse met with no better credit; and though
-she could not account for the meeting between these two lovers, she
-was firmly persuaded it was not accidental.
-
-With an affected smile, therefore, she said, "Indeed, Miss Western,
-you have had very good luck in recovering your money. Not only as it
-fell into the hands of a gentleman of honour, but as he happened to
-discover to whom it belonged. I think you would not consent to have it
-advertised.--It was great good fortune, sir, that you found out to
-whom the note belonged."
-
-"Oh, madam," cries Jones, "it was enclosed in a pocket-book, in which
-the young lady's name was written."
-
-"That was very fortunate, indeed," cries the lady:--"And it was no
-less so, that you heard Miss Western was at my house; for she is very
-little known."
-
-Jones had at length perfectly recovered his spirits; and as he
-conceived he had now an opportunity of satisfying Sophia as to the
-question she had asked him just before Lady Bellaston came in, he
-proceeded thus: "Why, madam," answered he, "it was by the luckiest
-chance imaginable I made this discovery. I was mentioning what I had
-found, and the name of the owner, the other night to a lady at the
-masquerade, who told me she believed she knew where I might see Miss
-Western; and if I would come to her house the next morning she would
-inform me, I went according to her appointment, but she was not at
-home; nor could I ever meet with her till this morning, when she
-directed me to your ladyship's house. I came accordingly, and did
-myself the honour to ask for your ladyship; and upon my saying that I
-had very particular business, a servant showed me into this room;
-where I had not been long before the young lady returned from the
-play."
-
-Upon his mentioning the masquerade, he looked very slily at Lady
-Bellaston, without any fear of being remarked by Sophia; for she was
-visibly too much confounded to make any observations. This hint a
-little alarmed the lady, and she was silent; when Jones, who saw the
-agitation of Sophia's mind, resolved to take the only method of
-relieving her, which was by retiring; but, before he did this, he
-said, "I believe, madam, it is customary to give some reward on these
-occasions;--I must insist on a very high one for my honesty;--it is,
-madam, no less than the honour of being permitted to pay another visit
-here."
-
-"Sir," replied the lady, "I make no doubt that you are a gentleman,
-and my doors are never shut to people of fashion."
-
-Jones then, after proper ceremonials, departed, highly to his own
-satisfaction, and no less to that of Sophia; who was terribly alarmed
-lest Lady Bellaston should discover what she knew already but too
-well.
-
-Upon the stairs Jones met his old acquaintance, Mrs Honour, who,
-notwithstanding all she had said against him, was now so well bred to
-behave with great civility. This meeting proved indeed a lucky
-circumstance, as he communicated to her the house where he lodged,
-with which Sophia was unacquainted.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-In which the thirteenth book is concluded.
-
-
-The elegant Lord Shaftesbury somewhere objects to telling too much
-truth: by which it may be fairly inferred, that, in some cases, to lie
-is not only excusable but commendable.
-
-And surely there are no persons who may so properly challenge a right
-to this commendable deviation from truth, as young women in the affair
-of love; for which they may plead precept, education, and above all,
-the sanction, nay, I may say the necessity of custom, by which they
-are restrained, not from submitting to the honest impulses of nature
-(for that would be a foolish prohibition), but from owning them.
-
-We are not, therefore, ashamed to say, that our heroine now pursued
-the dictates of the above-mentioned right honourable philosopher. As
-she was perfectly satisfied then, that Lady Bellaston was ignorant of
-the person of Jones, so she determined to keep her in that ignorance,
-though at the expense of a little fibbing.
-
-Jones had not been long gone, before Lady Bellaston cryed, "Upon my
-word, a good pretty young fellow; I wonder who he is; for I don't
-remember ever to have seen his face before."
-
-"Nor I neither, madam," cries Sophia. "I must say he behaved very
-handsomely in relation to my note."
-
-"Yes; and he is a very handsome fellow," said the lady: "don't you
-think so?"
-
-"I did not take much notice of him," answered Sophia, "but I thought
-he seemed rather awkward, and ungenteel than otherwise."
-
-"You are extremely right," cries Lady Bellaston: "you may see, by his
-manner, that he hath not kept good company. Nay, notwithstanding his
-returning your note, and refusing the reward, I almost question
-whether he is a gentleman.----I have always observed there is a
-something in persons well born, which others can never acquire.----I
-think I will give orders not to be at home to him."
-
-"Nay, sure, madam," answered Sophia, "one can't suspect after what he
-hath done;--besides, if your ladyship observed him, there was an
-elegance in his discourse, a delicacy, a prettiness of expression
-that, that----"
-
-"I confess," said Lady Bellaston, "the fellow hath words----And
-indeed, Sophia, you must forgive me, indeed you must."
-
-"I forgive your ladyship!" said Sophia.
-
-"Yes, indeed you must," answered she, laughing; "for I had a horrible
-suspicion when I first came into the room----I vow you must forgive
-it; but I suspected it was Mr Jones himself."
-
-"Did your ladyship, indeed?" cries Sophia, blushing, and affecting a
-laugh.
-
-"Yes, I vow I did," answered she. "I can't imagine what put it into my
-head: for, give the fellow his due, he was genteely drest; which, I
-think, dear Sophy, is not commonly the case with your friend."
-
-"This raillery," cries Sophia, "is a little cruel, Lady Bellaston,
-after my promise to your ladyship."
-
-"Not at all, child," said the lady;----"It would have been cruel
-before; but after you have promised me never to marry without your
-father's consent, in which you know is implied your giving up Jones,
-sure you can bear a little raillery on a passion which was pardonable
-enough in a young girl in the country, and of which you tell me you
-have so entirely got the better. What must I think, my dear Sophy, if
-you cannot bear a little ridicule even on his dress? I shall begin to
-fear you are very far gone indeed; and almost question whether you
-have dealt ingenuously with me."
-
-"Indeed, madam," cries Sophia, "your ladyship mistakes me, if you
-imagine I had any concern on his account."
-
-"On his account!" answered the lady: "You must have mistaken me; I
-went no farther than his dress;----for I would not injure your taste
-by any other comparison--I don't imagine, my dear Sophy, if your Mr
-Jones had been such a fellow as this--"
-
-"I thought," says Sophia, "your ladyship had allowed him to be
-handsome"----
-
-"Whom, pray?" cried the lady hastily.
-
-"Mr Jones," answered Sophia;--and immediately recollecting herself,
-"Mr Jones!--no, no; I ask your pardon;--I mean the gentleman who was
-just now here."
-
-"O Sophy! Sophy!" cries the lady; "this Mr Jones, I am afraid, still
-runs in your head."
-
-"Then, upon my honour, madam," said Sophia, "Mr Jones is as entirely
-indifferent to me, as the gentleman who just now left us."
-
-"Upon my honour," said Lady Bellaston, "I believe it. Forgive me,
-therefore, a little innocent raillery; but I promise you I will never
-mention his name any more."
-
-And now the two ladies separated, infinitely more to the delight of
-Sophia than of Lady Bellaston, who would willingly have tormented her
-rival a little longer, had not business of more importance called her
-away. As for Sophia, her mind was not perfectly easy under this first
-practice of deceit; upon which, when she retired to her chamber, she
-reflected with the highest uneasiness and conscious shame. Nor could
-the peculiar hardship of her situation, and the necessity of the case,
-at all reconcile her mind to her conduct; for the frame of her mind
-was too delicate to bear the thought of having been guilty of a
-falsehood, however qualified by circumstances. Nor did this thought
-once suffer her to close her eyes during the whole succeeding night.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XIV.
-
-CONTAINING TWO DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-An essay to prove that an author will write the better for having some
-knowledge of the subject on which he writes.
-
-
-As several gentlemen in these times, by the wonderful force of genius
-only, without the least assistance of learning, perhaps, without being
-well able to read, have made a considerable figure in the republic of
-letters; the modern critics, I am told, have lately begun to assert,
-that all kind of learning is entirely useless to a writer; and,
-indeed, no other than a kind of fetters on the natural sprightliness
-and activity of the imagination, which is thus weighed down, and
-prevented from soaring to those high flights which otherwise it would
-be able to reach.
-
-This doctrine, I am afraid, is at present carried much too far: for
-why should writing differ so much from all other arts? The nimbleness
-of a dancing-master is not at all prejudiced by being taught to move;
-nor doth any mechanic, I believe, exercise his tools the worse by
-having learnt to use them. For my own part, I cannot conceive that
-Homer or Virgil would have writ with more fire, if instead of being
-masters of all the learning of their times, they had been as ignorant
-as most of the authors of the present age. Nor do I believe that all
-the imagination, fire, and judgment of Pitt, could have produced those
-orations that have made the senate of England, in these our times, a
-rival in eloquence to Greece and Rome, if he had not been so well read
-in the writings of Demosthenes and Cicero, as to have transferred
-their whole spirit into his speeches, and, with their spirit, their
-knowledge too.
-
-I would not here be understood to insist on the same fund of learning
-in any of my brethren, as Cicero persuades us is necessary to the
-composition of an orator. On the contrary, very little reading is, I
-conceive, necessary to the poet, less to the critic, and the least of
-all to the politician. For the first, perhaps, Byshe's Art of Poetry,
-and a few of our modern poets, may suffice; for the second, a moderate
-heap of plays; and, for the last, an indifferent collection of
-political journals.
-
-To say the truth, I require no more than that a man should have some
-little knowledge of the subject on which he treats, according to the
-old maxim of law, _Quam quisque nôrit artem in eâ se exerceat_. With
-this alone a writer may sometimes do tolerably well; and, indeed,
-without this, all the other learning in the world will stand him in
-little stead.
-
-For instance, let us suppose that Homer and Virgil, Aristotle and
-Cicero, Thucydides and Livy, could have met all together, and have
-clubbed their several talents to have composed a treatise on the art
-of dancing: I believe it will be readily agreed they could not have
-equalled the excellent treatise which Mr Essex hath given us on that
-subject, entitled, The Rudiments of Genteel Education. And, indeed,
-should the excellent Mr Broughton be prevailed on to set fist to
-paper, and to complete the above-said rudiments, by delivering down
-the true principles of athletics, I question whether the world will
-have any cause to lament, that none of the great writers, either
-antient or modern, have ever treated about that noble and useful art.
-
-To avoid a multiplicity of examples in so plain a case, and to come at
-once to my point, I am apt to conceive, that one reason why many
-English writers have totally failed in describing the manners of upper
-life, may possibly be, that in reality they know nothing of it.
-
-This is a knowledge unhappily not in the power of many authors to
-arrive at. Books will give us a very imperfect idea of it; nor will
-the stage a much better: the fine gentleman formed upon reading the
-former will almost always turn out a pedant, and he who forms himself
-upon the latter, a coxcomb.
-
-Nor are the characters drawn from these models better supported.
-Vanbrugh and Congreve copied nature; but they who copy them draw as
-unlike the present age as Hogarth would do if he was to paint a rout
-or a drum in the dresses of Titian and of Vandyke. In short, imitation
-here will not do the business. The picture must be after Nature
-herself. A true knowledge of the world is gained only by conversation,
-and the manners of every rank must be seen in order to be known.
-
-Now it happens that this higher order of mortals is not to be seen,
-like all the rest of the human species, for nothing, in the streets,
-shops, and coffee-houses; nor are they shown, like the upper rank of
-animals, for so much a-piece. In short, this is a sight to which no
-persons are admitted without one or other of these qualifications,
-viz., either birth or fortune, or, what is equivalent to both, the
-honourable profession of a gamester. And, very unluckily for the
-world, persons so qualified very seldom care to take upon themselves
-the bad trade of writing; which is generally entered upon by the lower
-and poorer sort, as it is a trade which many think requires no kind of
-stock to set up with.
-
-Hence those strange monsters in lace and embroidery, in silks and
-brocades, with vast wigs and hoops; which, under the name of lords and
-ladies, strut the stage, to the great delight of attorneys and their
-clerks in the pit, and of the citizens and their apprentices in the
-galleries; and which are no more to be found in real life than the
-centaur, the chimera, or any other creature of mere fiction. But to
-let my reader into a secret, this knowledge of upper life, though very
-necessary for preventing mistakes, is no very great resource to a
-writer whose province is comedy, or that kind of novels which, like
-this I am writing, is of the comic class.
-
-What Mr Pope says of women is very applicable to most in this station,
-who are, indeed, so entirely made up of form and affectation, that
-they have no character at all, at least none which appears. I will
-venture to say the highest life is much the dullest, and affords very
-little humour or entertainment. The various callings in lower spheres
-produce the great variety of humorous characters; whereas here, except
-among the few who are engaged in the pursuit of ambition, and the
-fewer still who have a relish for pleasure, all is vanity and servile
-imitation. Dressing and cards, eating and drinking, bowing and
-courtesying, make up the business of their lives.
-
-Some there are, however, of this rank upon whom passion exercises its
-tyranny, and hurries them far beyond the bounds which decorum
-prescribes; of these the ladies are as much distinguished by their
-noble intrepidity, and a certain superior contempt of reputation, from
-the frail ones of meaner degree, as a virtuous woman of quality is by
-the elegance and delicacy of her sentiments from the honest wife of a
-yeoman and shopkeeper. Lady Bellaston was of this intrepid character;
-but let not my country readers conclude from her, that this is the
-general conduct of women of fashion, or that we mean to represent them
-as such. They might as well suppose that every clergyman was
-represented by Thwackum, or every soldier by ensign Northerton.
-
-There is not, indeed, a greater error than that which universally
-prevails among the vulgar, who, borrowing their opinion from some
-ignorant satirists, have affixed the character of lewdness to these
-times. On the contrary, I am convinced there never was less of love
-intrigue carried on among persons of condition than now. Our present
-women have been taught by their mothers to fix their thoughts only on
-ambition and vanity, and to despise the pleasures of love as unworthy
-their regard; and being afterwards, by the care of such mothers,
-married without having husbands, they seem pretty well confirmed in
-the justness of those sentiments; whence they content themselves, for
-the dull remainder of life, with the pursuit of more innocent, but I
-am afraid more childish amusements, the bare mention of which would
-ill suit with the dignity of this history. In my humble opinion, the
-true characteristic of the present beau monde is rather folly than
-vice, and the only epithet which it deserves is that of frivolous.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Containing letters and other matters which attend amours.
-
-
-Jones had not been long at home before he received the following
-letter:--
-
-  "I was never more surprized than when I found you was gone. When you
-  left the room I little imagined you intended to have left the house
-  without seeing me again. Your behaviour is all of a piece, and
-  convinces me how much I ought to despise a heart which can doat upon
-  an idiot; though I know not whether I should not admire her cunning
-  more than her simplicity: wonderful both! For though she understood
-  not a word of what passed between us, yet she had the skill, the
-  assurance, the----what shall I call it? to deny to my face that she
-  knows you, or ever saw you before.----Was this a scheme laid between
-  you, and have you been base enough to betray me?----O how I despise
-  her, you, and all the world, but chiefly myself! for----I dare not
-  write what I should afterwards run mad to read; but remember, I can
-  detest as violently as I have loved."
-
-Jones had but little time given him to reflect on this letter, before
-a second was brought him from the same hand; and this, likewise, we
-shall set down in the precise words.
-
-  "When you consider the hurry of spirits in which I must have writ,
-  you cannot be surprized at any expressions in my former note.--Yet,
-  perhaps, on reflection, they were rather too warm. At least I would,
-  if possible, think all owing to the odious playhouse, and to the
-  impertinence of a fool, which detained me beyond my
-  appointment.----How easy is it to think well of those we
-  love!----Perhaps you desire I should think so. I have resolved to
-  see you to-night; so come to me immediately.
-
-  "_P.S._--I have ordered to be at home to none but yourself.
-
-  "_P.S._--Mr Jones will imagine I shall assist him in his defence;
-  for I believe he cannot desire to impose on me more than I desire to
-  impose on myself.
-
-  "_P.S._--Come immediately."
-
-To the men of intrigue I refer the determination, whether the angry or
-the tender letter gave the greatest uneasiness to Jones. Certain it
-is, he had no violent inclination to pay any more visits that evening,
-unless to one single person. However, he thought his honour engaged,
-and had not this been motive sufficient, he would not have ventured to
-blow the temper of Lady Bellaston into that flame of which he had
-reason to think it susceptible, and of which he feared the consequence
-might be a discovery to Sophia, which he dreaded. After some
-discontented walks therefore about the room, he was preparing to
-depart, when the lady kindly prevented him, not by another letter, but
-by her own presence. She entered the room very disordered in her
-dress, and very discomposed in her looks, and threw herself into a
-chair, where, having recovered her breath, she said--"You see, sir,
-when women have gone one length too far, they will stop at none. If
-any person would have sworn this to me a week ago, I would not have
-believed it of myself." "I hope, madam," said Jones, "my charming Lady
-Bellaston will be as difficult to believe anything against one who is
-so sensible of the many obligations she hath conferred upon him."
-"Indeed!" says she, "sensible of obligations! Did I expect to hear
-such cold language from Mr Jones?" "Pardon me, my dear angel," said
-he, "if, after the letters I have received, the terrors of your anger,
-though I know not how I have deserved it."--"And have I then," says
-she, with a smile, "so angry a countenance?--Have I really brought a
-chiding face with me?"--"If there be honour in man," said he, "I have
-done nothing to merit your anger.--You remember the appointment you
-sent me; I went in pursuance."--"I beseech you," cried she, "do not
-run through the odious recital.--Answer me but one question, and I
-shall be easy. Have you not betrayed my honour to her?"--Jones fell
-upon his knees, and began to utter the most violent protestations,
-when Partridge came dancing and capering into the room, like one drunk
-with joy, crying out, "She's found! she's found!--Here, sir, here,
-she's here--Mrs Honour is upon the stairs." "Stop her a moment," cries
-Jones--"Here, madam, step behind the bed, I have no other room nor
-closet, nor place on earth to hide you in; sure never was so damned an
-accident."--"D--n'd indeed!" said the lady, as she went to her place
-of concealment; and presently afterwards in came Mrs Honour.
-"Hey-day!" says she, "Mr Jones, what's the matter?--That impudent
-rascal your servant would scarce let me come upstairs. I hope he hath
-not the same reason to keep me from you as he had at Upton.--I suppose
-you hardly expected to see me; but you have certainly bewitched my
-lady. Poor dear young lady! To be sure, I loves her as tenderly as if
-she was my own sister. Lord have mercy upon you, if you don't make her
-a good husband! and to be sure, if you do not, nothing can be bad
-enough for you." Jones begged her only to whisper, for that there was
-a lady dying in the next room. "A lady!" cries she; "ay, I suppose one
-of your ladies.--O Mr Jones, there are too many of them in the world;
-I believe we are got into the house of one, for my Lady Bellaston I
-darst to say is no better than she should be."--"Hush! hush!" cries
-Jones, "every word is overheard in the next room." "I don't care a
-farthing," cries Honour, "I speaks no scandal of any one; but to be
-sure the servants make no scruple of saying as how her ladyship meets
-men at another place--where the house goes under the name of a poor
-gentlewoman; but her ladyship pays the rent, and many's the good thing
-besides, they say, she hath of her."--Here Jones, after expressing the
-utmost uneasiness, offered to stop her mouth:--"Hey-day! why sure, Mr
-Jones, you will let me speak; I speaks no scandal, for I only says
-what I heard from others--and thinks I to myself, much good may it do
-the gentlewoman with her riches, if she comes by it in such a wicked
-manner. To be sure it is better to be poor and honest." "The servants
-are villains," cries Jones, "and abuse their lady unjustly."--"Ay, to
-be sure, servants are always villains, and so my lady says, and won't
-hear a word of it."--"No, I am convinced," says Jones, "my Sophia is
-above listening to such base scandal." "Nay, I believe it is no
-scandal, neither," cries Honour, "for why should she meet men at
-another house?--It can never be for any good: for if she had a lawful
-design of being courted, as to be sure any lady may lawfully give her
-company to men upon that account: why, where can be the sense?"--"I
-protest," cries Jones, "I can't hear all this of a lady of such
-honour, and a relation of Sophia; besides, you will distract the poor
-lady in the next room.--Let me entreat you to walk with me down
-stairs."--"Nay, sir, if you won't let me speak, I have done.--Here,
-sir, is a letter from my young lady--what would some men give to have
-this? But, Mr Jones, I think you are not over and above generous, and
-yet I have heard some servants say----but I am sure you will do me the
-justice to own I never saw the colour of your money." Here Jones
-hastily took the letter, and presently after slipped five pieces into
-her hand. He then returned a thousand thanks to his dear Sophia in a
-whisper, and begged her to leave him to read her letter: she presently
-departed, not without expressing much grateful sense of his
-generosity.
-
-Lady Bellaston now came from behind the curtain. How shall I describe
-her rage? Her tongue was at first incapable of utterance; but streams
-of fire darted from her eyes, and well indeed they might, for her
-heart was all in a flame. And now as soon as her voice found way,
-instead of expressing any indignation against Honour or her own
-servants, she began to attack poor Jones. "You see," said she, "what I
-have sacrificed to you; my reputation, my honour--gone for ever! And
-what return have I found? Neglected, slighted for a country girl, for
-an idiot."--"What neglect, madam, or what slight," cries Jones, "have
-I been guilty of?"--"Mr Jones," said she, "it is in vain to dissemble;
-if you will make me easy, you must entirely give her up; and as a
-proof of your intention, show me the letter."--"What letter, madam?"
-said Jones. "Nay, surely," said she, "you cannot have the confidence
-to deny your having received a letter by the hands of that
-trollop."--"And can your ladyship," cries he, "ask of me what I must
-part with my honour before I grant? Have I acted in such a manner by
-your ladyship? Could I be guilty of betraying this poor innocent girl
-to you, what security could you have that I should not act the same
-part by yourself? A moment's reflection will, I am sure, convince you
-that a man with whom the secrets of a lady are not safe must be the
-most contemptible of wretches."--"Very well," said she--"I need not
-insist on your becoming this contemptible wretch in your own opinion;
-for the inside of the letter could inform me of nothing more than I
-know already. I see the footing you are upon."--Here ensued a long
-conversation, which the reader, who is not too curious, will thank me
-for not inserting at length. It shall suffice, therefore, to inform
-him, that Lady Bellaston grew more and more pacified, and at length
-believed, or affected to believe, his protestations, that his meeting
-with Sophia that evening was merely accidental, and every other matter
-which the reader already knows, and which, as Jones set before her in
-the strongest light, it is plain that she had in reality no reason to
-be angry with him.
-
-She was not, however, in her heart perfectly satisfied with his
-refusal to show her the letter; so deaf are we to the clearest reason,
-when it argues against our prevailing passions. She was, indeed, well
-convinced that Sophia possessed the first place in Jones's affections;
-and yet, haughty and amorous as this lady was, she submitted at last
-to bear the second place; or, to express it more properly in a legal
-phrase, was contented with the possession of that of which another
-woman had the reversion.
-
-It was at length agreed that Jones should for the future visit at the
-house: for that Sophia, her maid, and all the servants, would place
-these visits to the account of Sophia; and that she herself would be
-considered as the person imposed upon.
-
-This scheme was contrived by the lady, and highly relished by Jones,
-who was indeed glad to have a prospect of seeing his Sophia at any
-rate; and the lady herself was not a little pleased with the
-imposition on Sophia, which Jones, she thought, could not possibly
-discover to her for his own sake.
-
-The next day was appointed for the first visit, and then, after proper
-ceremonials, the Lady Bellaston returned home.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Containing various matters.
-
-
-Jones was no sooner alone than he eagerly broke open his letter, and
-read as follows:--
-
-  "Sir, it is impossible to express what I have suffered since you
-  left this house; and as I have reason to think you intend coming
-  here again, I have sent Honour, though so late at night, as she
-  tells me she knows your lodgings, to prevent you. I charge you, by
-  all the regard you have for me, not to think of visiting here; for
-  it will certainly be discovered; nay, I almost doubt, from some
-  things which have dropt from her ladyship, that she is not already
-  without some suspicion. Something favourable perhaps may happen; we
-  must wait with patience; but I once more entreat you, if you have
-  any concern for my ease, do not think of returning hither."
-
-This letter administered the same kind of consolation to poor Jones,
-which Job formerly received from his friends. Besides disappointing
-all the hopes which he promised to himself from seeing Sophia, he was
-reduced to an unhappy dilemma, with regard to Lady Bellaston; for
-there are some certain engagements, which, as he well knew, do very
-difficultly admit of any excuse for the failure; and to go, after the
-strict prohibition from Sophia, he was not to be forced by any human
-power. At length, after much deliberation, which during that night
-supplied the place of sleep, he determined to feign himself sick: for
-this suggested itself as the only means of failing the appointed
-visit, without incensing Lady Bellaston, which he had more than one
-reason of desiring to avoid.
-
-The first thing, however, which he did in the morning, was, to write
-an answer to Sophia, which he inclosed in one to Honour. He then
-despatched another to Lady Bellaston, containing the above-mentioned
-excuse; and to this he soon received the following answer:--
-
-  "I am vexed that I cannot see you here this afternoon, but more
-  concerned for the occasion; take great care of yourself, and have
-  the best advice, and I hope there will be no danger.--I am so
-  tormented all this morning with fools, that I have scarce a moment's
-  time to write to you. Adieu.
-
-  "_P.S._--I will endeavour to call on you this evening, at nine.--Be
-  sure to be alone."
-
-Mr Jones now received a visit from Mrs Miller, who, after some formal
-introduction, began the following speech:--"I am very sorry, sir, to
-wait upon you on such an occasion; but I hope you will consider the
-ill consequence which it must be to the reputation of my poor girls,
-if my house should once be talked of as a house of ill-fame. I hope
-you won't think me, therefore, guilty of impertinence, if I beg you
-not to bring any more ladies in at that time of night. The clock had
-struck two before one of them went away."--"I do assure you, madam,"
-said Jones, "the lady who was here last night, and who staid the
-latest (for the other only brought me a letter), is a woman of very
-great fashion, and my near relation."--"I don't know what fashion she
-is of," answered Mrs Miller; "but I am sure no woman of virtue, unless
-a very near relation indeed, would visit a young gentleman at ten at
-night, and stay four hours in his room with him alone; besides, sir,
-the behaviour of her chairmen shows what she was; for they did nothing
-but make jests all the evening in the entry, and asked Mr Partridge,
-in the hearing of my own maid, if madam intended to stay with his
-master all night; with a great deal of stuff not proper to be
-repeated. I have really a great respect for you, Mr Jones, upon your
-own account; nay, I have a very high obligation to you for your
-generosity to my cousin. Indeed, I did not know how very good you had
-been till lately. Little did I imagine to what dreadful courses the
-poor man's distress had driven him. Little did I think, when you gave
-me the ten guineas, that you had given them to a highwayman! O
-heavens! what goodness have you shown! How have you preserved this
-family!--The character which Mr Allworthy hath formerly given me of
-you was, I find, strictly true.--And indeed, if I had no obligation to
-you, my obligations to him are such, that, on his account, I should
-shew you the utmost respect in my power.--Nay, believe me, dear Mr
-Jones, if my daughters' and my own reputation were out of the case, I
-should, for your own sake, be sorry that so pretty a young gentleman
-should converse with these women; but if you are resolved to do it, I
-must beg you to take another lodging; for I do not myself like to have
-such things carried on under my roof; but more especially upon the
-account of my girls, who have little, heaven knows, besides their
-characters, to recommend them." Jones started and changed colour at
-the name of Allworthy. "Indeed, Mrs Miller," answered he, a little
-warmly, "I do not take this at all kind. I will never bring any
-slander on your house; but I must insist on seeing what company I
-please in my own room; and if that gives you any offence, I shall, as
-soon as I am able, look for another lodging."--"I am sorry we must
-part then, sir," said she; "but I am convinced Mr Allworthy himself
-would never come within my doors, if he had the least suspicion of my
-keeping an ill house."--"Very well, madam," said Jones.--"I hope,
-sir," said she, "you are not angry; for I would not for the world
-offend any of Mr Allworthy's family. I have not slept a wink all night
-about this matter."--"I am sorry I have disturbed your rest, madam,"
-said Jones, "but I beg you will send Partridge up to me immediately;"
-which she promised to do, and then with a very low courtesy retired.
-
-As soon as Partridge arrived, Jones fell upon him in the most
-outrageous manner. "How often," said he, "am I to suffer for your
-folly, or rather for my own in keeping you? is that tongue of yours
-resolved upon my destruction?" "What have I done, sir?" answered
-affrighted Partridge. "Who was it gave you authority to mention the
-story of the robbery, or that the man you saw here was the person?"
-"I, sir?" cries Partridge. "Now don't be guilty of a falsehood in
-denying it," said Jones. "If I did mention such a matter," answers
-Partridge, "I am sure I thought no harm; for I should not have opened
-my lips, if it had not been to his own friends and relations, who, I
-imagined, would have let it go no farther." "But I have a much heavier
-charge against you," cries Jones, "than this. How durst you, after all
-the precautions I gave you, mention the name of Mr Allworthy in this
-house?" Partridge denied that he ever had, with many oaths. "How
-else," said Jones, "should Mrs Miller be acquainted that there was any
-connexion between him and me? And it is but this moment she told me
-she respected me on his account." "O Lord, sir," said Partridge, "I
-desire only to be heard out; and to be sure, never was anything so
-unfortunate: hear me but out, and you will own how wrongfully you have
-accused me. When Mrs Honour came downstairs last night she met me in
-the entry, and asked me when my master had heard from Mr Allworthy;
-and to be sure Mrs Miller heard the very words; and the moment Madam
-Honour was gone, she called me into the parlour to her. `Mr
-Partridge,' says she, `what Mr Allworthy is it that the gentlewoman
-mentioned? is it the great Mr Allworthy of Somersetshire?' `Upon my
-word, madam,' says I, `I know nothing of the matter.' `Sure,' says
-she, `your master is not the Mr Jones I have heard Mr Allworthy talk
-of?' `Upon my word, madam,' says I, `I know nothing of the matter.'
-`Then,' says she, turning to her daughter Nancy, says she, `as sure as
-tenpence this is the very young gentleman, and he agrees exactly with
-the squire's description.' The Lord above knows who it was told her:
-for I am the arrantest villain that ever walked upon two legs if ever
-it came out of my mouth. I promise you, sir, I can keep a secret when
-I am desired. Nay, sir, so far was I from telling her anything about
-Mr Allworthy, that I told her the very direct contrary; for, though I
-did not contradict it at that moment, yet, as second thoughts, they
-say, are best, so when I came to consider that somebody must have
-informed her, thinks I to myself, I will put an end to the story; and
-so I went back again into the parlour some time afterwards, and says
-I, upon my word, says I, whoever, says I, told you that this gentleman
-was Mr Jones; that is, says I, that this Mr Jones was that Mr Jones,
-told you a confounded lie: and I beg, says I, you will never mention
-any such matter, says I; for my master, says I, will think I must have
-told you so; and I defy anybody in the house ever to say I mentioned
-any such word. To be certain, sir, it is a wonderful thing, and I have
-been thinking with myself ever since, how it was she came to know it;
-not but I saw an old woman here t'other day a begging at the door, who
-looked as like her we saw in Warwickshire, that caused all that
-mischief to us. To be sure it is never good to pass by an old woman
-without giving her something, especially if she looks at you; for all
-the world shall never persuade me but that they have a great power to
-do mischief, and to be sure I shall never see an old woman again, but
-I shall think to myself, _Infandum, regina, jubes renovare dolorem._"
-
-The simplicity of Partridge set Jones a laughing, and put a final end
-to his anger, which had indeed seldom any long duration in his mind;
-and, instead of commenting on his defence, he told him he intended
-presently to leave those lodgings, and ordered him to go and endeavour
-to get him others.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Which we hope will be very attentively perused by young people of both
-sexes.
-
-
-Partridge had no sooner left Mr Jones than Mr Nightingale, with whom
-he had now contracted a great intimacy, came to him, and, after a
-short salutation, said, "So, Tom, I hear you had company very late
-last night. Upon my soul you are a happy fellow, who have not been in
-town above a fortnight, and can keep chairs waiting at your door till
-two in the morning." He then ran on with much commonplace raillery of
-the same kind, till Jones at last interrupted him, saying, "I suppose
-you have received all this information from Mrs Miller, who hath been
-up here a little while ago to give me warning. The good woman is
-afraid, it seems, of the reputation of her daughters." "Oh! she is
-wonderfully nice," says Nightingale, "upon that account; if you
-remember, she would not let Nancy go with us to the masquerade." "Nay,
-upon my honour, I think she's in the right of it," says Jones:
-"however, I have taken her at her word, and have sent Partridge to
-look for another lodging." "If you will," says Nightingale, "we may, I
-believe, be again together; for, to tell you a secret, which I desire
-you won't mention in the family, I intend to quit the house to-day."
-"What, hath Mrs Miller given you warning too, my friend?" cries Jones.
-"No," answered the other; "but the rooms are not convenient enough.
-Besides, I am grown weary of this part of the town. I want to be
-nearer the places of diversion; so I am going to Pall-mall." "And do
-you intend to make a secret of your going away?" said Jones. "I
-promise you," answered Nightingale, "I don't intend to bilk my
-lodgings; but I have a private reason for not taking a formal leave."
-"Not so private," answered Jones; "I promise you, I have seen it ever
-since the second day of my coming to the house. Here will be some wet
-eyes on your departure. Poor Nancy, I pity her, faith! Indeed, Jack,
-you have played the fool with that girl. You have given her a longing,
-which I am afraid nothing will ever cure her of." Nightingale
-answered, "What the devil would you have me do? would you have me
-marry her to cure her?" "No," answered Jones, "I would not have had
-you make love to her, as you have often done in my presence. I have
-been astonished at the blindness of her mother in never seeing it."
-"Pugh, see it!" cries Nightingale. "What, the devil should she see?"
-"Why, see," said Jones, "that you have made her daughter distractedly
-in love with you. The poor girl cannot conceal it a moment; her eyes
-are never off from you, and she always colours every time you come
-into the room. Indeed, I pity her heartily; for she seems to be one of
-the best-natured and honestest of human creatures." "And so," answered
-Nightingale, "according to your doctrine, one must not amuse oneself
-by any common gallantries with women, for fear they should fall in
-love with us." "Indeed, Jack," said Jones, "you wilfully misunderstand
-me; I do not fancy women are so apt to fall in love; but you have gone
-far beyond common gallantries." "What, do you suppose," says
-Nightingale, "that we have been a-bed together?" "No, upon my honour,"
-answered Jones, very seriously, "I do not suppose so ill of you; nay,
-I will go farther, I do not imagine you have laid a regular
-premeditated scheme for the destruction of the quiet of a poor little
-creature, or have even foreseen the consequence: for I am sure thou
-art a very good-natured fellow; and such a one can never be guilty of
-a cruelty of that kind; but at the same time you have pleased your own
-vanity, without considering that this poor girl was made a sacrifice
-to it; and while you have had no design but of amusing an idle hour,
-you have actually given her reason to flatter herself that you had the
-most serious designs in her favour. Prithee, Jack, answer me honestly;
-to what have tended all those elegant and luscious descriptions of
-happiness arising from violent and mutual fondness? all those warm
-professions of tenderness, and generous disinterested love? Did you
-imagine she would not apply them? or, speak ingenuously, did not you
-intend she should?" "Upon my soul, Tom," cries Nightingale, "I did not
-think this was in thee. Thou wilt make an admirable parson. So I
-suppose you would not go to bed to Nancy now, if she would let you?"
-"No," cries Jones, "may I be d--n'd if I would." "Tom, Tom," answered
-Nightingale, "last night; remember last night----
-
-     When every eye was closed, and the pale moon,
-     And silent stars, shone conscious of the theft."
-
-"Lookee, Mr Nightingale," said Jones, "I am no canting hypocrite, nor
-do I pretend to the gift of chastity, more than my neighbours. I have
-been guilty with women, I own it; but am not conscious that I have
-ever injured any.--Nor would I, to procure pleasure to myself, be
-knowingly the cause of misery to any human being."
-
-"Well, well," said Nightingale, "I believe you, and I am convinced you
-acquit me of any such thing."
-
-"I do, from my heart," answered Jones, "of having debauched the girl,
-but not from having gained her affections."
-
-"If I have," said Nightingale, "I am sorry for it; but time and
-absence will soon wear off such impressions. It is a receipt I must
-take myself; for, to confess the truth to you--I never liked any girl
-half so much in my whole life; but I must let you into the whole
-secret, Tom. My father hath provided a match for me with a woman I
-never saw; and she is now coming to town, in order for me to make my
-addresses to her."
-
-At these words Jones burst into a loud fit of laughter; when
-Nightingale cried--"Nay, prithee, don't turn me into ridicule. The
-devil take me if I am not half mad about this matter! my poor Nancy!
-Oh! Jones, Jones, I wish I had a fortune in my own possession."
-
-"I heartily wish you had," cries Jones; "for, if this be the case, I
-sincerely pity you both; but surely you don't intend to go away
-without taking your leave of her?"
-
-"I would not," answered Nightingale, "undergo the pain of taking
-leave, for ten thousand pounds; besides, I am convinced, instead of
-answering any good purpose, it would only serve to inflame my poor
-Nancy the more. I beg, therefore, you would not mention a word of it
-to-day, and in the evening, or to-morrow morning, I intend to depart."
-
-Jones promised he would not; and said, upon reflection, he thought, as
-he had determined and was obliged to leave her, he took the most
-prudent method. He then told Nightingale he should be very glad to
-lodge in the same house with him; and it was accordingly agreed
-between them, that Nightingale should procure him either the ground
-floor, or the two pair of stairs; for the young gentleman himself was
-to occupy that which was between them.
-
-This Nightingale, of whom we shall be presently obliged to say a
-little more, was in the ordinary transactions of life a man of strict
-honour, and, what is more rare among young gentlemen of the town, one
-of strict honesty too; yet in affairs of love he was somewhat loose in
-his morals; not that he was even here as void of principle as
-gentlemen sometimes are, and oftener affect to be; but it is certain
-he had been guilty of some indefensible treachery to women, and had,
-in a certain mystery, called making love, practised many deceits,
-which, if he had used in trade, he would have been counted the
-greatest villain upon earth.
-
-But as the world, I know not well for what reason, agree to see this
-treachery in a better light, he was so far from being ashamed of his
-iniquities of this kind, that he gloried in them, and would often
-boast of his skill in gaining of women, and his triumphs over their
-hearts, for which he had before this time received some rebukes from
-Jones, who always exprest great bitterness against any misbehaviour to
-the fair part of the species, who, if considered, he said, as they
-ought to be, in the light of the dearest friends, were to be
-cultivated, honoured, and caressed with the utmost love and
-tenderness; but, if regarded as enemies, were a conquest of which a
-man ought rather to be ashamed than to value himself upon it.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-A short account of the history of Mrs Miller.
-
-
-Jones this day eat a pretty good dinner for a sick man, that is to
-say, the larger half of a shoulder of mutton. In the afternoon he
-received an invitation from Mrs Miller to drink tea; for that good
-woman, having learnt, either by means of Partridge, or by some other
-means natural or supernatural, that he had a connexion with Mr
-Allworthy, could not endure the thoughts of parting with him in an
-angry manner.
-
-Jones accepted the invitation; and no sooner was the tea-kettle
-removed, and the girls sent out of the room, than the widow, without
-much preface, began as follows: "Well, there are very surprizing
-things happen in this world; but certainly it is a wonderful business
-that I should have a relation of Mr Allworthy in my house, and never
-know anything of the matter. Alas! sir, you little imagine what a
-friend that best of gentlemen hath been to me and mine. Yes, sir, I am
-not ashamed to own it; it is owing to his goodness that I did not long
-since perish for want, and leave my poor little wretches, two
-destitute, helpless, friendless orphans, to the care, or rather to the
-cruelty, of the world.
-
-"You must know, sir, though I am now reduced to get my living by
-letting lodgings, I was born and bred a gentlewoman. My father was an
-officer of the army, and died in a considerable rank: but he lived up
-to his pay; and, as that expired with him, his family, at his death,
-became beggars. We were three sisters. One of us had the good luck to
-die soon after of the small-pox; a lady was so kind as to take the
-second out of charity, as she said, to wait upon her. The mother of
-this lady had been a servant to my grand-mother; and, having inherited
-a vast fortune from her father, which he had got by pawnbroking, was
-married to a gentleman of great estate and fashion. She used my sister
-so barbarously, often upbraiding her with her birth and poverty,
-calling her in derision a gentlewoman, that I believe she at length
-broke the heart of the poor girl. In short, she likewise died within a
-twelvemonth after my father. Fortune thought proper to provide better
-for me, and within a month from his decease I was married to a
-clergyman, who had been my lover a long time before, and who had been
-very ill used by my father on that account: for though my poor father
-could not give any of us a shilling, yet he bred us up as delicately,
-considered us, and would have had us consider ourselves, as highly as
-if we had been the richest heiresses. But my dear husband forgot all
-this usage, and the moment we were become fatherless he immediately
-renewed his addresses to me so warmly, that I, who always liked, and
-now more than ever esteemed him, soon complied. Five years did I live
-in a state of perfect happiness with that best of men, till at
-last--Oh! cruel! cruel fortune, that ever separated us, that deprived
-me of the kindest of husbands and my poor girls of the tenderest
-parent.--O my poor girls! you never knew the blessing which ye
-lost.--I am ashamed, Mr Jones, of this womanish weakness; but I shall
-never mention him without tears." "I ought rather, madam," said Jones,
-"to be ashamed that I do not accompany you." "Well, sir," continued
-she, "I was now left a second time in a much worse condition than
-before; besides the terrible affliction I was to encounter, I had now
-two children to provide for; and was, if possible, more pennyless than
-ever; when that great, that good, that glorious man, Mr Allworthy, who
-had some little acquaintance with my husband, accidentally heard of my
-distress, and immediately writ this letter to me. Here, sir, here it
-is; I put it into my pocket to shew it you. This is the letter, sir; I
-must and will read it to you.
-
-  "'Madam,
-
-  "'I heartily condole with you on your late grievous loss, which your
-  own good sense, and the excellent lessons you must have learnt from
-  the worthiest of men, will better enable you to bear than any advice
-  which I am capable of giving. Nor have I any doubt that you, whom I
-  have heard to be the tenderest of mothers, will suffer any
-  immoderate indulgence of grief to prevent you from discharging your
-  duty to those poor infants, who now alone stand in need of your
-  tenderness.
-
-  "`However, as you must be supposed at present to be incapable of
-  much worldly consideration, you will pardon my having ordered a
-  person to wait on you, and to pay you twenty guineas, which I beg
-  you will accept till I have the pleasure of seeing you, and believe
-  me to be, madam, &c.'
-
-"This letter, sir, I received within a fortnight after the irreparable
-loss I have mentioned; and within a fortnight afterwards, Mr
-Allworthy--the blessed Mr Allworthy, came to pay me a visit, when he
-placed me in the house where you now see me, gave me a large sum of
-money to furnish it, and settled an annuity of £50 a-year upon me,
-which I have constantly received ever since. Judge, then, Mr Jones, in
-what regard I must hold a benefactor, to whom I owe the preservation
-of my life, and of those dear children, for whose sake alone my life
-is valuable. Do not, therefore, think me impertinent, Mr Jones (since
-I must esteem one for whom I know Mr Allworthy hath so much value), if
-I beg you not to converse with these wicked women. You are a young
-gentleman, and do not know half their artful wiles. Do not be angry
-with me, sir, for what I said upon account of my house; you must be
-sensible it would be the ruin of my poor dear girls. Besides, sir, you
-cannot but be acquainted that Mr Allworthy himself would never forgive
-my conniving at such matters, and particularly with you."
-
-"Upon my word, madam," said Jones, "you need make no farther apology;
-nor do I in the least take anything ill you have said; but give me
-leave, as no one can have more value than myself for Mr Allworthy, to
-deliver you from one mistake, which, perhaps, would not be altogether
-for his honour; I do assure you, I am no relation of his."
-
-"Alas! sir," answered she, "I know you are not, I know very well who
-you are; for Mr Allworthy hath told me all; but I do assure you, had
-you been twenty times his son, he could not have expressed more regard
-for you than he hath often expressed in my presence. You need not be
-ashamed, sir, of what you are; I promise you no good person will
-esteem you the less on that account. No, Mr Jones, the words
-`dishonourable birth' are nonsense, as my dear, dear husband used to
-say, unless the word `dishonourable' be applied to the parents; for
-the children can derive no real dishonour from an act of which they
-are intirely innocent."
-
-Here Jones heaved a deep sigh, and then said, "Since I perceive,
-madam, you really do know me, and Mr Allworthy hath thought proper to
-mention my name to you; and since you have been so explicit with me as
-to your own affairs, I will acquaint you with some more circumstances
-concerning myself." And these Mrs Miller having expressed great desire
-and curiosity to hear, he began and related to her his whole history,
-without once mentioning the name of Sophia.
-
-There is a kind of sympathy in honest minds, by means of which they
-give an easy credit to each other. Mrs Miller believed all which Jones
-told her to be true, and exprest much pity and concern for him. She
-was beginning to comment on the story, but Jones interrupted her; for,
-as the hour of assignation now drew nigh, he began to stipulate for a
-second interview with the lady that evening, which he promised should
-be the last at her house; swearing, at the same time, that she was one
-of great distinction, and that nothing but what was intirely innocent
-was to pass between them; and I do firmly believe he intended to keep
-his word.
-
-Mrs Miller was at length prevailed on, and Jones departed to his
-chamber, where he sat alone till twelve o'clock, but no Lady Bellaston
-appeared.
-
-As we have said that this lady had a great affection for Jones, and as
-it must have appeared that she really had so, the reader may perhaps
-wonder at the first failure of her appointment, as she apprehended him
-to be confined by sickness, a season when friendship seems most to
-require such visits. This behaviour, therefore, in the lady, may, by
-some, be condemned as unnatural; but that is not our fault; for our
-business is only to record truth.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-Containing a scene which we doubt not will affect all our readers.
-
-
-Mr Jones closed not his eyes during all the former part of the night;
-not owing to any uneasiness which he conceived at being disappointed
-by Lady Bellaston; nor was Sophia herself, though most of his waking
-hours were justly to be charged to her account, the present cause of
-dispelling his slumbers. In fact, poor Jones was one of the
-best-natured fellows alive, and had all that weakness which is called
-compassion, and which distinguishes this imperfect character from that
-noble firmness of mind, which rolls a man, as it were, within himself,
-and like a polished bowl, enables him to run through the world without
-being once stopped by the calamities which happen to others. He could
-not help, therefore, compassionating the situation of poor Nancy,
-whose love for Mr Nightingale seemed to him so apparent, that he was
-astonished at the blindness of her mother, who had more than once, the
-preceding evening, remarked to him the great change in the temper of
-her daughter, "who from being," she said, "one of the liveliest,
-merriest girls in the world, was, on a sudden, become all gloom and
-melancholy."
-
-Sleep, however, at length got the better of all resistance; and now,
-as if he had already been a deity, as the antients imagined, and an
-offended one too, he seemed to enjoy his dear-bought conquest.--To
-speak simply, and without any metaphor, Mr Jones slept till eleven the
-next morning, and would, perhaps, have continued in the same quiet
-situation much longer, had not a violent uproar awakened him.
-
-Partridge was now summoned, who, being asked what was the matter,
-answered, "That there was a dreadful hurricane below-stairs; that
-Miss Nancy was in fits; and that the other sister, and the mother,
-were both crying and lamenting over her." Jones expressed much
-concern at this news; which Partridge endeavoured to relieve, by
-saying, with a smile, "he fancied the young lady was in no danger of
-death; for that Susan" (which was the name of the maid) "had given
-him to understand, it was nothing more than a common affair. In
-short," said he, "Miss Nancy hath had a mind to be as wise as her
-mother; that's all; she was a little hungry, it seems, and so sat
-down to dinner before grace was said; and so there is a child coming
-for the Foundling Hospital."----"Prithee, leave thy stupid jesting,"
-cries Jones. "Is the misery of these poor wretches a subject of
-mirth? Go immediately to Mrs Miller, and tell her I beg leave--Stay,
-you will make some blunder; I will go myself; for she desired me to
-breakfast with her." He then rose and dressed himself as fast as he
-could; and while he was dressing, Partridge, notwithstanding many
-severe rebukes, could not avoid throwing forth certain pieces of
-brutality, commonly called jests, on this occasion. Jones was no
-sooner dressed than he walked downstairs, and knocking at the door,
-was presently admitted by the maid, into the outward parlour, which
-was as empty of company as it was of any apparatus for eating. Mrs
-Miller was in the inner room with her daughter, whence the maid
-presently brought a message to Mr Jones, "That her mistress hoped he
-would excuse the disappointment, but an accident had happened, which
-made it impossible for her to have the pleasure of his company at
-breakfast that day; and begged his pardon for not sending him up
-notice sooner." Jones desired, "She would give herself no trouble
-about anything so trifling as his disappointment; that he was
-heartily sorry for the occasion; and that if he could be of any
-service to her, she might command him."
-
-He had scarce spoke these words, when Mrs Miller, who heard them all,
-suddenly threw open the door, and coming out to him, in a flood of
-tears, said, "O Mr Jones! you are certainly one of the best young men
-alive. I give you a thousand thanks for your kind offer of your
-service; but, alas! sir, it is out of your power to preserve my poor
-girl.--O my child! my child! she is undone, she is ruined for ever!"
-"I hope, madam," said Jones, "no villain"----"O Mr Jones!" said she,
-"that villain who yesterday left my lodgings, hath betrayed my poor
-girl; hath destroyed her.--I know you are a man of honour. You have a
-good--a noble heart, Mr Jones. The actions to which I have been myself
-a witness, could proceed from no other. I will tell you all: nay,
-indeed, it is impossible, after what hath happened, to keep it a
-secret. That Nightingale, that barbarous villain, hath undone my
-daughter. She is--she is--oh! Mr Jones, my girl is with child by him;
-and in that condition he hath deserted her. Here! here, sir, is his
-cruel letter: read it, Mr Jones, and tell me if such another monster
-lives."
-
-The letter was as follows:
-
-  "DEAR NANCY,
-
-  "As I found it impossible to mention to you what, I am afraid, will
-  be no less shocking to you, than it is to me, I have taken this
-  method to inform you, that my father insists upon my immediately
-  paying my addresses to a young lady of fortune, whom he hath
-  provided for my--I need not write the detested word. Your own good
-  understanding will make you sensible, how entirely I am obliged to
-  an obedience, by which I shall be for ever excluded from your dear
-  arms. The fondness of your mother may encourage you to trust her
-  with the unhappy consequence of our love, which may be easily kept a
-  secret from the world, and for which I will take care to provide, as
-  I will for you. I wish you may feel less on this account than I have
-  suffered; but summon all your fortitude to your assistance, and
-  forgive and forget the man, whom nothing but the prospect of certain
-  ruin could have forced to write this letter. I bid you forget me, I
-  mean only as a lover; but the best of friends you shall ever find in
-  your faithful, though unhappy,
-
-                                                        "J. N."
-
-When Jones had read this letter, they both stood silent during a
-minute, looking at each other; at last he began thus: "I cannot
-express, madam, how much I am shocked at what I have read; yet let me
-beg you, in one particular, to take the writer's advice. Consider the
-reputation of your daughter."----"It is gone, it is lost, Mr Jones,"
-cryed she, "as well as her innocence. She received the letter in a
-room full of company, and immediately swooning away upon opening it,
-the contents were known to every one present. But the loss of her
-reputation, bad as it is, is not the worst; I shall lose my child; she
-hath attempted twice to destroy herself already; and though she hath
-been hitherto prevented, vows she will not outlive it; nor could I
-myself outlive any accident of that nature.--What then will become of
-my little Betsy, a helpless infant orphan? and the poor little wretch
-will, I believe, break her heart at the miseries with which she sees
-her sister and myself distracted, while she is ignorant of the cause.
-O 'tis the most sensible, and best-natured little thing! The
-barbarous, cruel----hath destroyed us all. O my poor children! Is this
-the reward of all my cares? Is this the fruit of all my prospects?
-Have I so chearfully undergone all the labours and duties of a mother?
-Have I been so tender of their infancy, so careful of their education?
-Have I been toiling so many years, denying myself even the
-conveniences of life, to provide some little sustenance for them, to
-lose one or both in such a manner?" "Indeed, madam," said Jones, with
-tears in his eyes, "I pity you from my soul."--"O! Mr Jones," answered
-she, "even you, though I know the goodness of your heart, can have no
-idea of what I feel. The best, the kindest, the most dutiful of
-children! O my poor Nancy, the darling of my soul! the delight of my
-eyes! the pride of my heart! too much, indeed, my pride; for to those
-foolish, ambitious hopes, arising from her beauty, I owe her ruin.
-Alas! I saw with pleasure the liking which this young man had for her.
-I thought it an honourable affection; and flattered my foolish vanity
-with the thoughts of seeing her married to one so much her superior.
-And a thousand times in my presence, nay, often in yours, he hath
-endeavoured to soothe and encourage these hopes by the most generous
-expressions of disinterested love, which he hath always directed to my
-poor girl, and which I, as well as she, believed to be real. Could I
-have believed that these were only snares laid to betray the innocence
-of my child, and for the ruin of us all?"--At these words little Betsy
-came running into the room, crying, "Dear mamma, for heaven's sake
-come to my sister; for she is in another fit, and my cousin can't hold
-her." Mrs Miller immediately obeyed the summons; but first ordered
-Betsy to stay with Mr Jones, and begged him to entertain her a few
-minutes, saying, in the most pathetic voice, "Good heaven! let me
-preserve one of my children at least."
-
-Jones, in compliance with this request, did all he could to comfort
-the little girl, though he was, in reality, himself very highly
-affected with Mrs Miller's story. He told her "Her sister would be
-soon very well again; that by taking on in that manner she would not
-only make her sister worse, but make her mother ill too." "Indeed,
-sir," says she, "I would not do anything to hurt them for the world. I
-would burst my heart rather than they should see me cry.--But my poor
-sister can't see me cry.--I am afraid she will never be able to see me
-cry any more. Indeed, I can't part with her; indeed, I can't.--And
-then poor mamma too, what will become of her?--She says she will die
-too, and leave me: but I am resolved I won't be left behind." "And are
-you not afraid to die, my little Betsy?" said Jones. "Yes," answered
-she, "I was always afraid to die; because I must have left my mamma,
-and my sister; but I am not afraid of going anywhere with those I
-love."
-
-Jones was so pleased with this answer, that he eagerly kissed the
-child; and soon after Mrs Miller returned, saying, "She thanked heaven
-Nancy was now come to herself. And now, Betsy," says she, "you may go
-in, for your sister is better, and longs to see you." She then turned
-to Jones, and began to renew her apologies for having disappointed him
-of his breakfast.
-
-"I hope, madam," said Jones, "I shall have a more exquisite repast
-than any you could have provided for me. This, I assure you, will be
-the case, if I can do any service to this little family of love. But
-whatever success may attend my endeavours, I am resolved to attempt
-it. I am very much deceived in Mr Nightingale, if, notwithstanding
-what hath happened, he hath not much goodness of heart at the bottom,
-as well as a very violent affection for your daughter. If this be the
-case, I think the picture which I shall lay before him will affect
-him. Endeavour, madam, to comfort yourself, and Miss Nancy, as well as
-you can. I will go instantly in quest of Mr Nightingale; and I hope to
-bring you good news."
-
-Mrs Miller fell upon her knees and invoked all the blessings of heaven
-upon Mr Jones; to which she afterwards added the most passionate
-expressions of gratitude. He then departed to find Mr Nightingale, and
-the good woman returned to comfort her daughter, who was somewhat
-cheared at what her mother told her; and both joined in resounding the
-praises of Mr Jones.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-The interview between Mr Jones and Mr Nightingale.
-
-
-The good or evil we confer on others very often, I believe, recoils on
-ourselves. For as men of a benign disposition enjoy their own acts of
-beneficence equally with those to whom they are done, so there are
-scarce any natures so entirely diabolical, as to be capable of doing
-injuries, without paying themselves some pangs for the ruin which they
-bring on their fellow-creatures.
-
-Mr Nightingale, at least, was not such a person. On the contrary,
-Jones found him in his new lodgings, sitting melancholy by the fire,
-and silently lamenting the unhappy situation in which he had placed
-poor Nancy. He no sooner saw his friend appear than he arose hastily
-to meet him; and after much congratulation said, "Nothing could be
-more opportune than this kind visit; for I was never more in the
-spleen in my life."
-
-"I am sorry," answered Jones, "that I bring news very unlikely to
-relieve you: nay, what I am convinced must, of all other, shock you
-the most. However, it is necessary you should know it. Without further
-preface, then, I come to you, Mr Nightingale, from a worthy family,
-which you have involved in misery and ruin." Mr Nightingale changed
-colour at these words; but Jones, without regarding it, proceeded, in
-the liveliest manner, to paint the tragical story with which the
-reader was acquainted in the last chapter.
-
-Nightingale never once interrupted the narration, though he discovered
-violent emotions at many parts of it. But when it was concluded, after
-fetching a deep sigh, he said, "What you tell me, my friend, affects
-me in the tenderest manner. Sure there never was so cursed an accident
-as the poor girl's betraying my letter. Her reputation might otherwise
-have been safe, and the affair might have remained a profound secret;
-and then the girl might have gone off never the worse; for many such
-things happen in this town: and if the husband should suspect a
-little, when it is too late, it will be his wiser conduct to conceal
-his suspicion both from his wife and the world."
-
-"Indeed, my friend," answered Jones, "this could not have been the
-case with your poor Nancy. You have so entirely gained her affections,
-that it is the loss of you, and not of her reputation, which afflicts
-her, and will end in the destruction of her and her family." "Nay, for
-that matter, I promise you," cries Nightingale, "she hath my
-affections so absolutely, that my wife, whoever she is to be, will
-have very little share in them." "And is it possible then," said
-Jones, "you can think of deserting her?" "Why, what can I do?"
-answered the other. "Ask Miss Nancy," replied Jones warmly. "In the
-condition to which you have reduced her, I sincerely think she ought
-to determine what reparation you shall make her. Her interest alone,
-and not yours, ought to be your sole consideration. But if you ask me
-what you shall do, what can you do less," cries Jones, "than fulfil
-the expectations of her family, and her own? Nay, I sincerely tell
-you, they were mine too, ever since I first saw you together. You will
-pardon me if I presume on the friendship you have favoured me with,
-moved as I am with compassion for those poor creatures. But your own
-heart will best suggest to you, whether you have never intended, by
-your conduct, to persuade the mother, as well as the daughter, into an
-opinion, that you designed honourably: and if so, though there may
-have been no direct promise of marriage in the case, I will leave to
-your own good understanding, how far you are bound to proceed."
-
-"Nay, I must not only confess what you have hinted," said Nightingale;
-"but I am afraid even that very promise you mention I have given."
-"And can you, after owning that," said Jones, "hesitate a moment?"
-"Consider, my friend," answered the other; "I know you are a man of
-honour, and would advise no one to act contrary to its rules; if there
-were no other objection, can I, after this publication of her
-disgrace, think of such an alliance with honour?" "Undoubtedly,"
-replied Jones, "and the very best and truest honour, which is
-goodness, requires it of you. As you mention a scruple of this kind,
-you will give me leave to examine it. Can you with honour be guilty of
-having under false pretences deceived a young woman and her family,
-and of having by these means treacherously robbed her of her
-innocence? Can you, with honour, be the knowing, the wilful occasion,
-nay, the artful contriver of the ruin of a human being? Can you, with
-honour, destroy the fame, the peace, nay, probably, both the life and
-soul too, of this creature? Can honour bear the thought, that this
-creature is a tender, helpless, defenceless, young woman? A young
-woman, who loves, who doats on you, who dies for you; who hath placed
-the utmost confidence in your promises; and to that confidence hath
-sacrificed everything which is dear to her? Can honour support such
-contemplations as these a moment?"
-
-"Common sense, indeed," said Nightingale, "warrants all you say; but
-yet you well know the opinion of the world is so contrary to it, that,
-was I to marry a whore, though my own, I should be ashamed of ever
-showing my face again."
-
-"Fie upon it, Mr Nightingale!" said Jones, "do not call her by so
-ungenerous a name: when you promised to marry her she became your
-wife; and she hath sinned more against prudence than virtue. And what
-is this world which you would be ashamed to face but the vile, the
-foolish, and the profligate? Forgive me if I say such a shame must
-proceed from false modesty, which always attends false honour as its
-shadow.--But I am well assured there is not a man of real sense and
-goodness in the world who would not honour and applaud the action.
-But, admit no other would, would not your own heart, my friend,
-applaud it? And do not the warm, rapturous sensations, which we feel
-from the consciousness of an honest, noble, generous, benevolent
-action, convey more delight to the mind than the undeserved praise of
-millions? Set the alternative fairly before your eyes. On the one
-side, see this poor, unhappy, tender, believing girl, in the arms of
-her wretched mother, breathing her last. Hear her breaking heart in
-agonies, sighing out your name; and lamenting, rather than accusing,
-the cruelty which weighs her down to destruction. Paint to your
-imagination the circumstances of her fond despairing parent, driven to
-madness, or, perhaps, to death, by the loss of her lovely daughter.
-View the poor, helpless, orphan infant; and when your mind hath dwelt
-a moment only on such ideas, consider yourself as the cause of all the
-ruin of this poor, little, worthy, defenceless family. On the other
-side, consider yourself as relieving them from their temporary
-sufferings. Think with what joy, with what transports that lovely
-creature will fly to your arms. See her blood returning to her pale
-cheeks, her fire to her languid eyes, and raptures to her tortured
-breast. Consider the exultations of her mother, the happiness of all.
-Think of this little family made by one act of yours completely happy.
-Think of this alternative, and sure I am mistaken in my friend if it
-requires any long deliberation whether he will sink these wretches
-down for ever, or, by one generous, noble resolution, raise them all
-from the brink of misery and despair to the highest pitch of human
-happiness. Add to this but one consideration more; the consideration
-that it is your duty so to do--That the misery from which you will
-relieve these poor people is the misery which you yourself have
-wilfully brought upon them."
-
-"O, my dear friend!" cries Nightingale, "I wanted not your eloquence
-to rouse me. I pity poor Nancy from my soul, and would willingly give
-anything in my power that no familiarities had ever passed between us.
-Nay, believe me, I had many struggles with my passion before I could
-prevail with myself to write that cruel letter, which hath caused all
-the misery in that unhappy family. If I had no inclinations to consult
-but my own, I would marry her to-morrow morning: I would, by heaven!
-but you will easily imagine how impossible it would be to prevail on
-my father to consent to such a match; besides, he hath provided
-another for me; and to-morrow, by his express command, I am to wait on
-the lady."
-
-"I have not the honour to know your father," said Jones; "but, suppose
-he could be persuaded, would you yourself consent to the only means of
-preserving these poor people?" "As eagerly as I would pursue my
-happiness," answered Nightingale: "for I never shall find it in any
-other woman.--O, my dear friend! could you imagine what I have felt
-within these twelve hours for my poor girl, I am convinced she would
-not engross all your pity. Passion leads me only to her; and, if I had
-any foolish scruples of honour, you have fully satisfied them: could
-my father be induced to comply with my desires, nothing would be
-wanting to compleat my own happiness or that of my Nancy."
-
-"Then I am resolved to undertake it," said Jones. "You must not be
-angry with me, in whatever light it may be necessary to set this
-affair, which, you may depend on it, could not otherwise be long hid
-from him: for things of this nature make a quick progress when once
-they get abroad, as this unhappily hath already. Besides, should any
-fatal accident follow, as upon my soul I am afraid will, unless
-immediately prevented, the public would ring of your name in a manner
-which, if your father hath common humanity, must offend him. If you
-will therefore tell me where I may find the old gentleman, I will not
-lose a moment in the business; which, while I pursue, you cannot do a
-more generous action than by paying a visit to the poor girl. You will
-find I have not exaggerated in the account I have given of the
-wretchedness of the family."
-
-Nightingale immediately consented to the proposal; and now, having
-acquainted Jones with his father's lodging, and the coffee-house where
-he would most probably find him, he hesitated a moment, and then said,
-"My dear Tom, you are going to undertake an impossibility. If you knew
-my father you would never think of obtaining his consent.----Stay,
-there is one way--suppose you told him I was already married, it might
-be easier to reconcile him to the fact after it was done; and, upon my
-honour, I am so affected with what you have said, and I love my Nancy
-so passionately, I almost wish it was done, whatever might be the
-consequence."
-
-Jones greatly approved the hint, and promised to pursue it. They then
-separated, Nightingale to visit his Nancy, and Jones in quest of the
-old gentleman.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-What passed between Jones and old Mr Nightingale; with the arrival of
-a person not yet mentioned in this history.
-
-
-Notwithstanding the sentiment of the Roman satirist, which denies the
-divinity of fortune, and the opinion of Seneca to the same purpose;
-Cicero, who was, I believe, a wiser man than either of them, expressly
-holds the contrary; and certain it is, there are some incidents in
-life so very strange and unaccountable, that it seems to require more
-than human skill and foresight in producing them.
-
-Of this kind was what now happened to Jones, who found Mr Nightingale
-the elder in so critical a minute, that Fortune, if she was really
-worthy all the worship she received at Rome, could not have contrived
-such another. In short, the old gentleman, and the father of the young
-lady whom he intended for his son, had been hard at it for many hours;
-and the latter was just now gone, and had left the former delighted
-with the thoughts that he had succeeded in a long contention, which
-had been between the two fathers of the future bride and bridegroom;
-in which both endeavoured to overreach the other, and, as it not
-rarely happens in such cases, both had retreated fully satisfied of
-having obtained the victory.
-
-This gentleman, whom Mr Jones now visited, was what they call a man of
-the world; that is to say, a man who directs his conduct in this world
-as one who, being fully persuaded there is no other, is resolved to
-make the most of this. In his early years he had been bred to trade;
-but, having acquired a very good fortune, he had lately declined his
-business; or, to speak more properly, had changed it from dealing in
-goods, to dealing only in money, of which he had always a plentiful
-fund at command, and of which he knew very well how to make a very
-plentiful advantage, sometimes of the necessities of private men, and
-sometimes of those of the public. He had indeed conversed so entirely
-with money, that it may be almost doubted whether he imagined there
-was any other thing really existing in the world; this at least may be
-certainly averred, that he firmly believed nothing else to have any
-real value.
-
-The reader will, I fancy, allow that Fortune could not have culled out
-a more improper person for Mr Jones to attack with any probability of
-success; nor could the whimsical lady have directed this attack at a
-more unseasonable time.
-
-As money then was always uppermost in this gentleman's thoughts, so
-the moment he saw a stranger within his doors it immediately occurred
-to his imagination, that such stranger was either come to bring him
-money, or to fetch it from him. And according as one or other of these
-thoughts prevailed, he conceived a favourable or unfavourable idea of
-the person who approached him.
-
-Unluckily for Jones, the latter of these was the ascendant at present;
-for as a young gentleman had visited him the day before, with a bill
-from his son for a play debt, he apprehended, at the first sight of
-Jones, that he was come on such another errand. Jones therefore had no
-sooner told him that he was come on his son's account than the old
-gentleman, being confirmed in his suspicion, burst forth into an
-exclamation, "That he would lose his labour." "Is it then possible,
-sir," answered Jones, "that you can guess my business?" "If I do guess
-it," replied the other, "I repeat again to you, you will lose your
-labour. What, I suppose you are one of those sparks who lead my son
-into all those scenes of riot and debauchery, which will be his
-destruction? but I shall pay no more of his bills, I promise you. I
-expect he will quit all such company for the future. If I had imagined
-otherwise, I should not have provided a wife for him; for I would be
-instrumental in the ruin of nobody." "How, sir," said Jones, "and was
-this lady of your providing?" "Pray, sir," answered the old gentleman,
-"how comes it to be any concern of yours?"--"Nay, dear sir," replied
-Jones, "be not offended that I interest myself in what regards your
-son's happiness, for whom I have so great an honour and value. It was
-upon that very account I came to wait upon you. I can't express the
-satisfaction you have given me by what you say; for I do assure you
-your son is a person for whom I have the highest honour.--Nay, sir, it
-is not easy to express the esteem I have for you; who could be so
-generous, so good, so kind, so indulgent to provide such a match for
-your son; a woman, who, I dare swear, will make him one of the
-happiest men upon earth."
-
-There is scarce anything which so happily introduces men to our good
-liking, as having conceived some alarm at their first appearance; when
-once those apprehensions begin to vanish we soon forget the fears
-which they occasioned, and look on ourselves as indebted for our
-present ease to those very persons who at first raised our fears.
-
-Thus it happened to Nightingale, who no sooner found that Jones had no
-demand on him, as he suspected, than he began to be pleased with his
-presence. "Pray, good sir," said he, "be pleased to sit down. I do not
-remember to have ever had the pleasure of seeing you before; but if
-you are a friend of my son, and have anything to say concerning this
-young lady, I shall be glad to hear you. As to her making him happy,
-it will be his own fault if she doth not. I have discharged my duty,
-in taking care of the main article. She will bring him a fortune
-capable of making any reasonable, prudent, sober man, happy."
-"Undoubtedly," cries Jones, "for she is in herself a fortune; so
-beautiful, so genteel, so sweet-tempered, and so well-educated; she is
-indeed a most accomplished young lady; sings admirably well, and hath
-a most delicate hand at the harpsichord." "I did not know any of these
-matters," answered the old gentleman, "for I never saw the lady: but I
-do not like her the worse for what you tell me; and I am the better
-pleased with her father for not laying any stress on these
-qualifications in our bargain. I shall always think it a proof of his
-understanding. A silly fellow would have brought in these articles as
-an addition to her fortune; but, to give him his due, he never
-mentioned any such matter; though to be sure they are no
-disparagements to a woman." "I do assure you, sir," cries Jones, "she
-hath them all in the most eminent degree: for my part, I own I was
-afraid you might have been a little backward, a little less inclined
-to the match; for your son told me you had never seen the lady;
-therefore I came, sir, in that case, to entreat you, to conjure you,
-as you value the happiness of your son, not to be averse to his match
-with a woman who hath not only all the good qualities I have
-mentioned, but many more."--"If that was your business, sir," said the
-old gentleman, "we are both obliged to you; and you may be perfectly
-easy; for I give you my word I was very well satisfied with her
-fortune." "Sir," answered Jones, "I honour you every moment more and
-more. To be so easily satisfied, so very moderate on that account, is
-a proof of the soundness of your understanding, as well as the
-nobleness of your mind."----"Not so very moderate, young gentleman,
-not so very moderate," answered the father.--"Still more and more
-noble," replied Jones; "and give me leave to add, sensible: for sure
-it is little less than madness to consider money as the sole
-foundation of happiness. Such a woman as this with her little, her
-nothing of a fortune"--"I find," cries the old gentleman, "you have a
-pretty just opinion of money, my friend, or else you are better
-acquainted with the person of the lady than with her circumstances.
-Why, pray, what fortune do you imagine this lady to have?" "What
-fortune?" cries Jones, "why, too contemptible a one to be named for
-your son."--"Well, well, well," said the other, "perhaps he might have
-done better."--"That I deny," said Jones, "for she is one of the best
-of women."--"Ay, ay, but in point of fortune I mean," answered the
-other. "And yet, as to that now, how much do you imagine your friend
-is to have?"--"How much?" cries Jones, "how much? Why, at the utmost,
-perhaps £200." "Do you mean to banter me, young gentleman?" said the
-father, a little angry. "No, upon my soul," answered Jones, "I am in
-earnest: nay, I believe I have gone to the utmost farthing. If I do
-the lady an injury, I ask her pardon." "Indeed you do," cries the
-father; "I am certain she hath fifty times that sum, and she shall
-produce fifty to that before I consent that she shall marry my son."
-"Nay," said Jones, "it is too late to talk of consent now; if she had
-not fifty farthings your son is married."--"My son married!" answered
-the old gentleman, with surprize. "Nay," said Jones, "I thought you
-was unacquainted with it." "My son married to Miss Harris!" answered
-he again. "To Miss Harris!" said Jones; "no, sir; to Miss Nancy
-Miller, the daughter of Mrs Miller, at whose house he lodged; a young
-lady, who, though her mother is reduced to let lodgings--"--"Are you
-bantering, or are you in earnest?" cries the father, with a most
-solemn voice. "Indeed, sir," answered Jones, "I scorn the character of
-a banterer. I came to you in most serious earnest, imagining, as I
-find true, that your son had never dared acquaint you with a match so
-much inferior to him in point of fortune, though the reputation of the
-lady will suffer it no longer to remain a secret."
-
-While the father stood like one struck suddenly dumb at this news, a
-gentleman came into the room, and saluted him by the name of brother.
-
-But though these two were in consanguinity so nearly related, they
-were in their dispositions almost the opposites to each other. The
-brother who now arrived had likewise been bred to trade, in which he
-no sooner saw himself worth £6000 than he purchased a small estate
-with the greatest part of it, and retired into the country; where he
-married the daughter of an unbeneficed clergyman; a young lady, who,
-though she had neither beauty nor fortune, had recommended herself to
-his choice entirely by her good humour, of which she possessed a very
-large share.
-
-With this woman he had, during twenty-five years, lived a life more
-resembling the model which certain poets ascribe to the golden age,
-than any of those patterns which are furnished by the present times.
-By her he had four children, but none of them arrived at maturity,
-except only one daughter, whom, in vulgar language, he and his wife
-had spoiled; that is, had educated with the utmost tenderness and
-fondness, which she returned to such a degree, that she had actually
-refused a very extraordinary match with a gentleman a little turned of
-forty, because she could not bring herself to part with her parents.
-
-The young lady whom Mr Nightingale had intended for his son was a near
-neighbour of his brother, and an acquaintance of his niece; and in
-reality it was upon the account of his projected match that he was now
-come to town; not, indeed, to forward, but to dissuade his brother
-from a purpose which he conceived would inevitably ruin his nephew;
-for he foresaw no other event from a union with Miss Harris,
-notwithstanding the largeness of her fortune, as neither her person
-nor mind seemed to him to promise any kind of matrimonial felicity:
-for she was very tall, very thin, very ugly, very affected, very
-silly, and very ill-natured.
-
-His brother, therefore, no sooner mentioned the marriage of his nephew
-with Miss Miller, than he exprest the utmost satisfaction; and when
-the father had very bitterly reviled his son, and pronounced sentence
-of beggary upon him, the uncle began in the following manner:
-
-"If you was a little cooler, brother, I would ask you whether you love
-your son for his sake or for your own. You would answer, I suppose,
-and so I suppose you think, for his sake; and doubtless it is his
-happiness which you intended in the marriage you proposed for him.
-
-"Now, brother, to prescribe rules of happiness to others hath always
-appeared to me very absurd, and to insist on doing this, very
-tyrannical. It is a vulgar error, I know; but it is, nevertheless, an
-error. And if this be absurd in other things, it is mostly so in the
-affair of marriage, the happiness of which depends entirely on the
-affection which subsists between the parties.
-
-"I have therefore always thought it unreasonable in parents to desire
-to chuse for their children on this occasion; since to force affection
-is an impossible attempt; nay, so much doth love abhor force, that I
-know not whether, through an unfortunate but uncurable perverseness in
-our natures, it may not be even impatient of persuasion.
-
-"It is, however, true that, though a parent will not, I think, wisely
-prescribe, he ought to be consulted on this occasion; and, in
-strictness, perhaps, should at least have a negative voice. My nephew,
-therefore, I own, in marrying, without asking your advice, hath been
-guilty of a fault. But, honestly speaking, brother, have you not a
-little promoted this fault? Have not your frequent declarations on
-this subject given him a moral certainty of your refusal, where there
-was any deficiency in point of fortune? Nay, doth not your present
-anger arise solely from that deficiency? And if he hath failed in his
-duty here, did you not as much exceed that authority when you
-absolutely bargained with him for a woman, without his knowledge, whom
-you yourself never saw, and whom, if you had seen and known as well as
-I, it must have been madness in you to have ever thought of bringing
-her into your family?
-
-"Still I own my nephew in a fault; but surely it is not an
-unpardonable fault. He hath acted indeed without your consent, in a
-matter in which he ought to have asked it, but it is in a matter in
-which his interest is principally concerned; you yourself must and
-will acknowledge that you consulted his interest only, and if he
-unfortunately differed from you, and hath been mistaken in his notion
-of happiness, will you, brother, if you love your son, carry him still
-wider from the point? Will you increase the ill consequences of his
-simple choice? Will you endeavour to make an event certain misery to
-him, which may accidentally prove so? In a word, brother, because he
-hath put it out of your power to make his circumstances as affluent as
-you would, will you distress them as much as you can?"
-
-By the force of the true Catholic faith St Anthony won upon the
-fishes. Orpheus and Amphion went a little farther, and by the charms
-of music enchanted things merely inanimate. Wonderful, both! but
-neither history nor fable have ever yet ventured to record an instance
-of any one, who, by force of argument and reason, hath triumphed over
-habitual avarice.
-
-Mr Nightingale, the father, instead of attempting to answer his
-brother, contented himself with only observing, that they had always
-differed in their sentiments concerning the education of their
-children. "I wish," said he, "brother, you would have confined your
-care to your own daughter, and never have troubled yourself with my
-son, who hath, I believe, as little profited by your precepts, as by
-your example." For young Nightingale was his uncle's godson, and had
-lived more with him than with his father. So that the uncle had often
-declared he loved his nephew almost equally with his own child.
-
-Jones fell into raptures with this good gentleman; and when, after
-much persuasion, they found the father grew still more and more
-irritated, instead of appeased, Jones conducted the uncle to his
-nephew at the house of Mrs Miller.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing strange matters.
-
-
-At his return to his lodgings, Jones found the situation of affairs
-greatly altered from what they had been in at his departure. The
-mother, the two daughters, and young Mr Nightingale, were now sat down
-to supper together, when the uncle was, at his own desire, introduced
-without any ceremony into the company, to all of whom he was well
-known; for he had several times visited his nephew at that house.
-
-The old gentleman immediately walked up to Miss Nancy, saluted and
-wished her joy, as he did afterwards the mother and the other sister;
-and lastly, he paid the proper compliments to his nephew, with the
-same good humour and courtesy, as if his nephew had married his equal
-or superior in fortune, with all the previous requisites first
-performed.
-
-Miss Nancy and her supposed husband both turned pale, and looked
-rather foolish than otherwise upon the occasion; but Mrs Miller took
-the first opportunity of withdrawing; and, having sent for Jones into
-the dining-room, she threw herself at his feet, and in a most
-passionate flood of tears, called him her good angel, the preserver of
-her poor little family, with many other respectful and endearing
-appellations, and made him every acknowledgment which the highest
-benefit can extract from the most grateful heart.
-
-After the first gust of her passion was a little over, which she
-declared, if she had not vented, would have burst her, she proceeded
-to inform Mr Jones that all matters were settled between Mr
-Nightingale and her daughter, and that they were to be married the
-next morning; at which Mr Jones having expressed much pleasure, the
-poor woman fell again into a fit of joy and thanksgiving, which he at
-length with difficulty silenced, and prevailed on her to return with
-him back to the company, whom they found in the same good humour in
-which they had left them.
-
-This little society now past two or three very agreeable hours
-together, in which the uncle, who was a very great lover of his
-bottle, had so well plyed his nephew, that this latter, though not
-drunk, began to be somewhat flustered; and now Mr Nightingale, taking
-the old gentleman with him upstairs into the apartment he had lately
-occupied, unbosomed himself as follows:--
-
-"As you have been always the best and kindest of uncles to me, and as
-you have shown such unparalleled goodness in forgiving this match,
-which to be sure may be thought a little improvident, I should never
-forgive myself if I attempted to deceive you in anything." He then
-confessed the truth, and opened the whole affair.
-
-"How, Jack?" said the old gentleman, "and are you really then not
-married to this young woman?" "No, upon my honour," answered
-Nightingale, "I have told you the simple truth." "My dear boy," cries
-the uncle, kissing him, "I am heartily glad to hear it. I never was
-better pleased in my life. If you had been married I should have
-assisted you as much as was in my power to have made the best of a bad
-matter; but there is a great difference between considering a thing
-which is already done and irrecoverable, and that which is yet to do.
-Let your reason have fair play, Jack, and you will see this match in
-so foolish and preposterous a light, that there will be no need of any
-dissuasive arguments." "How, sir?" replies young Nightingale, "is
-there this difference between having already done an act, and being in
-honour engaged to do it?" "Pugh!" said the uncle, "honour is a
-creature of the world's making, and the world hath the power of a
-creator over it, and may govern and direct it as they please. Now you
-well know how trivial these breaches of contract are thought; even the
-grossest make but the wonder and conversation of a day. Is there a man
-who afterwards will be more backward in giving you his sister, or
-daughter? or is there any sister or daughter who would be more
-backward to receive you? Honour is not concerned in these
-engagements." "Pardon me, dear sir," cries Nightingale, "I can never
-think so; and not only honour, but conscience and humanity, are
-concerned. I am well satisfied, that, was I now to disappoint the
-young creature, her death would be the consequence, and I should look
-upon myself as her murderer; nay, as her murderer by the cruellest of
-all methods, by breaking her heart." "Break her heart, indeed! no, no,
-Jack," cries the uncle, "the hearts of women are not so soon broke;
-they are tough, boy, they are tough." "But, sir," answered
-Nightingale, "my own affections are engaged, and I never could be
-happy with any other woman. How often have I heard you say, that
-children should be always suffered to chuse for themselves, and that
-you would let my cousin Harriet do so?" "Why, ay," replied the old
-gentleman, "so I would have them; but then I would have them chuse
-wisely.--Indeed, Jack, you must and shall leave the girl."----"Indeed,
-uncle," cries the other, "I must and will have her." "You will, young
-gentleman;" said the uncle; "I did not expect such a word from you. I
-should not wonder if you had used such language to your father, who
-hath always treated you like a dog, and kept you at the distance which
-a tyrant preserves over his subjects; but I, who have lived with you
-upon an equal footing, might surely expect better usage: but I know
-how to account for it all: it is all owing to your preposterous
-education, in which I have had too little share. There is my daughter,
-now, whom I have brought up as my friend, never doth anything without
-my advice, nor ever refuses to take it when I give it her." "You have
-never yet given her advice in an affair of this kind," said
-Nightingale; "for I am greatly mistaken in my cousin, if she would be
-very ready to obey even your most positive commands in abandoning her
-inclinations." "Don't abuse my girl," answered the old gentleman with
-some emotion; "don't abuse my Harriet. I have brought her up to have
-no inclinations contrary to my own. By suffering her to do whatever
-she pleases, I have enured her to a habit of being pleased to do
-whatever I like." "Pardon, me, sir," said Nightingale, "I have not the
-least design to reflect on my cousin, for whom I have the greatest
-esteem; and indeed I am convinced you will never put her to so severe
-a tryal, or lay such hard commands on her as you would do on me.--But,
-dear sir, let us return to the company; for they will begin to be
-uneasy at our long absence. I must beg one favour of my dear uncle,
-which is that he would not say anything to shock the poor girl or her
-mother." "Oh! you need not fear me," answered he, "I understand myself
-too well to affront women; so I will readily grant you that favour;
-and in return I must expect another of you." "There are but few of
-your commands, sir," said Nightingale, "which I shall not very
-chearfully obey." "Nay, sir, I ask nothing," said the uncle, "but the
-honour of your company home to my lodging, that I may reason the case
-a little more fully with you; for I would, if possible, have the
-satisfaction of preserving my family, notwithstanding the headstrong
-folly of my brother, who, in his own opinion, is the wisest man in the
-world."
-
-Nightingale, who well knew his uncle to be as headstrong as his
-father, submitted to attend him home, and then they both returned back
-into the room, where the old gentleman promised to carry himself with
-the same decorum which he had before maintained.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-A short chapter, which concludes the book.
-
-
-The long absence of the uncle and nephew had occasioned some disquiet
-in the minds of all whom they had left behind them; and the more, as,
-during the preceding dialogue, the uncle had more than once elevated
-his voice, so as to be heard downstairs; which, though they could not
-distinguish what he said, had caused some evil foreboding in Nancy and
-her mother, and, indeed, even in Jones himself.
-
-When the good company, therefore, again assembled, there was a visible
-alteration in all their faces; and the good-humour which, at their
-last meeting, universally shone forth in every countenance, was now
-changed into a much less agreeable aspect. It was a change, indeed,
-common enough to the weather in this climate, from sunshine to clouds,
-from June to December.
-
-This alteration was not, however, greatly remarked by any present; for
-as they were all now endeavouring to conceal their own thoughts, and
-to act a part, they became all too busily engaged in the scene to be
-spectators of it. Thus neither the uncle nor nephew saw any symptoms
-of suspicion in the mother or daughter; nor did the mother or daughter
-remark the overacted complacence of the old man, nor the counterfeit
-satisfaction which grinned in the features of the young one.
-
-Something like this, I believe, frequently happens, where the whole
-attention of two friends being engaged in the part which each is to
-act, in order to impose on the other, neither sees nor suspects the
-arts practised against himself; and thus the thrust of both (to borrow
-no improper metaphor on the occasion) alike takes place.
-
-From the same reason it is no unusual thing for both parties to be
-overreached in a bargain, though the one must be always the greater
-loser; as was he who sold a blind horse, and received a bad note in
-payment.
-
-Our company in about half an hour broke up, and the uncle carried off
-his nephew; but not before the latter had assured Miss Nancy, in a
-whisper, that he would attend her early in the morning, and fulfil all
-his engagements.
-
-Jones, who was the least concerned in this scene, saw the most. He did
-indeed suspect the very fact; for, besides observing the great
-alteration in the behaviour of the uncle, the distance he assumed, and
-his overstrained civility to Miss Nancy; the carrying off a bridegroom
-from his bride at that time of night was so extraordinary a proceeding
-that it could be accounted for only by imagining that young
-Nightingale had revealed the whole truth, which the apparent openness
-of his temper, and his being flustered with liquor, made too probable.
-
-While he was reasoning with himself, whether he should acquaint these
-poor people with his suspicion, the maid of the house informed him
-that a gentlewoman desired to speak with him.----He went immediately
-out, and, taking the candle from the maid, ushered his visitant
-upstairs, who, in the person of Mrs Honour, acquainted him with such
-dreadful news concerning his Sophia, that he immediately lost all
-consideration for every other person; and his whole stock of
-compassion was entirely swallowed up in reflections on his own misery,
-and on that of his unfortunate angel.
-
-What this dreadful matter was, the reader will be informed, after we
-have first related the many preceding steps which produced it, and
-those will be the subject of the following book.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XV.
-
-IN WHICH THE HISTORY ADVANCES ABOUT TWO DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Too short to need a preface.
-
-
-There are a set of religious, or rather moral writers, who teach that
-virtue is the certain road to happiness, and vice to misery, in this
-world. A very wholesome and comfortable doctrine, and to which we have
-but one objection, namely, that it is not true.
-
-Indeed, if by virtue these writers mean the exercise of those cardinal
-virtues, which like good housewives stay at home, and mind only the
-business of their own family, I shall very readily concede the point;
-for so surely do all these contribute and lead to happiness, that I
-could almost wish, in violation of all the antient and modern sages,
-to call them rather by the name of wisdom, than by that of virtue;
-for, with regard to this life, no system, I conceive, was ever wiser
-than that of the antient Epicureans, who held this wisdom to
-constitute the chief good; nor foolisher than that of their opposites,
-those modern epicures, who place all felicity in the abundant
-gratification of every sensual appetite.
-
-But if by virtue is meant (as I almost think it ought) a certain
-relative quality, which is always busying itself without-doors, and
-seems as much interested in pursuing the good of others as its own; I
-cannot so easily agree that this is the surest way to human happiness;
-because I am afraid we must then include poverty and contempt, with
-all the mischiefs which backbiting, envy, and ingratitude, can bring
-on mankind, in our idea of happiness; nay, sometimes perhaps we shall
-be obliged to wait upon the said happiness to a jail; since many by
-the above virtue have brought themselves thither.
-
-I have not now leisure to enter upon so large a field of speculation,
-as here seems opening upon me; my design was to wipe off a doctrine
-that lay in my way; since, while Mr Jones was acting the most virtuous
-part imaginable in labouring to preserve his fellow-creatures from
-destruction, the devil, or some other evil spirit, one perhaps
-cloathed in human flesh, was hard at work to make him completely
-miserable in the ruin of his Sophia.
-
-This therefore would seem an exception to the above rule, if indeed it
-was a rule; but as we have in our voyage through life seen so many
-other exceptions to it, we chuse to dispute the doctrine on which it
-is founded, which we don't apprehend to be Christian, which we are
-convinced is not true, and which is indeed destructive of one of the
-noblest arguments that reason alone can furnish for the belief of
-immortality.
-
-But as the reader's curiosity (if he hath any) must be now awake, and
-hungry, we shall provide to feed it as fast as we can.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-In which is opened a very black design against Sophia.
-
-
-I remember a wise old gentleman who used to say, "When children are
-doing nothing, they are doing mischief." I will not enlarge this
-quaint saying to the most beautiful part of the creation in general;
-but so far I may be allowed, that when the effects of female jealousy
-do not appear openly in their proper colours of rage and fury, we may
-suspect that mischievous passion to be at work privately, and
-attempting to undermine, what it doth not attack above-ground.
-
-This was exemplified in the conduct of Lady Bellaston, who, under all
-the smiles which she wore in her countenance, concealed much
-indignation against Sophia; and as she plainly saw that this young
-lady stood between her and the full indulgence of her desires, she
-resolved to get rid of her by some means or other; nor was it long
-before a very favourable opportunity of accomplishing this presented
-itself to her.
-
-The reader may be pleased to remember, that when Sophia was thrown
-into that consternation at the playhouse, by the wit and humour of a
-set of young gentlemen who call themselves the town, we informed him,
-that she had put herself under the protection of a young nobleman, who
-had very safely conducted her to her chair.
-
-This nobleman, who frequently visited Lady Bellaston, had more than
-once seen Sophia there, since her arrival in town, and had conceived a
-very great liking to her; which liking, as beauty never looks more
-amiable than in distress, Sophia had in this fright so encreased, that
-he might now, without any great impropriety, be said to be actually in
-love with her.
-
-It may easily be believed, that he would not suffer so handsome an
-occasion of improving his acquaintance with the beloved object as now
-offered itself to elapse, when even good breeding alone might have
-prompted him to pay her a visit.
-
-The next morning therefore, after this accident, he waited on Sophia,
-with the usual compliments, and hopes that she had received no harm
-from her last night's adventure.
-
-As love, like fire, when once thoroughly kindled, is soon blown into a
-flame, Sophia in a very short time compleated her conquest. Time now
-flew away unperceived, and the noble lord had been two hours in
-company with the lady, before it entered into his head that he had
-made too long a visit. Though this circumstance alone would have
-alarmed Sophia, who was somewhat more a mistress of computation at
-present; she had indeed much more pregnant evidence from the eyes of
-her lover of what past within his bosom; nay, though he did not make
-any open declaration of his passion, yet many of his expressions were
-rather too warm, and too tender, to have been imputed to complacence,
-even in the age when such complacence was in fashion; the very reverse
-of which is well known to be the reigning mode at present.
-
-Lady Bellaston had been apprized of his lordship's visit at his first
-arrival; and the length of it very well satisfied her, that things
-went as she wished, and as indeed she had suspected the second time
-she saw this young couple together. This business, she rightly I think
-concluded, that she should by no means forward by mixing in the
-company while they were together; she therefore ordered her servants,
-that when my lord was going, they should tell him she desired to speak
-with him; and employed the intermediate time in meditating how best to
-accomplish a scheme, which she made no doubt but his lordship would
-very readily embrace the execution of.
-
-Lord Fellamar (for that was the title of this young nobleman) was no
-sooner introduced to her ladyship, than she attacked him in the
-following strain: "Bless me, my lord, are you here yet? I thought my
-servants had made a mistake, and let you go away; and I wanted to see
-you about an affair of some importance."----"Indeed, Lady Bellaston,"
-said he, "I don't wonder you are astonished at the length of my
-visit; for I have staid above two hours, and I did not think I had
-staid above half-a-one."----"What am I to conclude from thence, my
-lord?" said she. "The company must be very agreeable which can make
-time slide away so very deceitfully."----"Upon my honour," said he,
-"the most agreeable I ever saw. Pray tell me, Lady Bellaston, who is
-this blazing star which you have produced among us all of a
-sudden?"----"What blazing star, my lord?" said she, affecting a
-surprize. "I mean," said he, "the lady I saw here the other day, whom
-I had last night in my arms at the playhouse, and to whom I have been
-making that unreasonable visit."----"O, my cousin Western!" said she;
-"why, that blazing star, my lord, is the daughter of a country booby
-squire, and hath been in town about a fortnight, for the first
-time."----"Upon my soul," said he, "I should swear she had been bred
-up in a court; for besides her beauty, I never saw anything so
-genteel, so sensible, so polite."----"O brave!" cries the lady, "my
-cousin hath you, I find."----"Upon my honour," answered he, "I wish
-she had; for I am in love with her to distraction."----"Nay, my
-lord," said she, "it is not wishing yourself very ill neither, for
-she is a very great fortune: I assure you she is an only child, and
-her father's estate is a good £3000 a-year." "Then I can assure you,
-madam," answered the lord, "I think her the best match in England."
-"Indeed, my lord," replied she, "if you like her, I heartily wish you
-had her." "If you think so kindly of me, madam," said he, "as she is
-a relation of yours, will you do me the honour to propose it to her
-father?" "And are you really then in earnest?" cries the lady, with
-an affected gravity. "I hope, madam," answered he, "you have a better
-opinion of me, than to imagine I would jest with your ladyship in an
-affair of this kind." "Indeed, then," said the lady, "I will most
-readily propose your lordship to her father; and I can, I believe,
-assure you of his joyful acceptance of the proposal; but there is a
-bar, which I am almost ashamed to mention; and yet it is one you will
-never be able to conquer. You have a rival, my lord, and a rival who,
-though I blush to name him, neither you, nor all the world, will ever
-be able to conquer." "Upon my word, Lady Bellaston," cries he, "you
-have struck a damp to my heart, which hath almost deprived me of
-being." "Fie, my lord," said she, "I should rather hope I had struck
-fire into you. A lover, and talk of damps in your heart! I rather
-imagined you would have asked your rival's name, that you might have
-immediately entered the lists with him." "I promise you, madam,"
-answered he, "there are very few things I would not undertake for
-your charming cousin; but pray, who is this happy man?"--"Why, he
-is," said she, "what I am sorry to say most happy men with us are,
-one of the lowest fellows in the world. He is a beggar, a bastard, a
-foundling, a fellow in meaner circumstances than one of your
-lordship's footmen." "And is it possible," cried he, "that a young
-creature with such perfections should think of bestowing herself so
-unworthily?" "Alas! my lord," answered she, "consider the
-country--the bane of all young women is the country. There they learn
-a set of romantic notions of love, and I know not what folly, which
-this town and good company can scarce eradicate in a whole winter."
-"Indeed, madam," replied my lord, "your cousin is of too immense a
-value to be thrown away; such ruin as this must be prevented."
-"Alas!" cries she, "my lord, how can it be prevented? The family have
-already done all in their power; but the girl is, I think,
-intoxicated, and nothing less than ruin will content her. And to deal
-more openly with you, I expect every day to hear she is run away with
-him." "What you tell me, Lady Bellaston," answered his lordship,
-"affects me most tenderly, and only raises my compassion, instead of
-lessening my adoration of your cousin. Some means must be found to
-preserve so inestimable a jewel. Hath your ladyship endeavoured to
-reason with her?" Here the lady affected a laugh, and cried, "My dear
-lord, sure you know us better than to talk of reasoning a young woman
-out of her inclinations? These inestimable jewels are as deaf as the
-jewels they wear: time, my lord, time is the only medicine to cure
-their folly; but this is a medicine which I am certain she will not
-take; nay, I live in hourly horrors on her account. In short, nothing
-but violent methods will do." "What is to be done?" cries my lord;
-"what methods are to be taken?--Is there any method upon earth?--Oh!
-Lady Bellaston! there is nothing which I would not undertake for such
-a reward."----"I really know not," answered the lady, after a pause;
-and then pausing again, she cried out--"Upon my soul, I am at my
-wit's end on this girl's account.--If she can be preserved, something
-must be done immediately; and, as I say, nothing but violent methods
-will do.----If your lordship hath really this attachment to my cousin
-(and to do her justice, except in this silly inclination, of which
-she will soon see her folly, she is every way deserving), I think
-there may be one way, indeed, it is a very disagreeable one, and what
-I am almost afraid to think of.--It requires a great spirit, I
-promise you." "I am not conscious, madam," said he, "of any defect
-there; nor am I, I hope, suspected of any such. It must be an
-egregious defect indeed, which could make me backward on this
-occasion." "Nay, my lord," answered she, "I am so far from doubting
-you, I am much more inclined to doubt my own courage; for I must run
-a monstrous risque. In short, I must place such a confidence in your
-honour as a wise woman will scarce ever place in a man on any
-consideration." In this point likewise my lord very well satisfied
-her; for his reputation was extremely clear, and common fame did him
-no more than justice, in speaking well of him. "Well, then," said
-she, "my lord,--I--I vow, I can't bear the apprehension of it.--No,
-it must not be.----At least every other method shall be tried. Can
-you get rid of your engagements, and dine here to-day? Your lordship
-will have an opportunity of seeing a little more of Miss Western.--I
-promise you we have no time to lose. Here will be nobody but Lady
-Betty, and Miss Eagle, and Colonel Hampsted, and Tom Edwards; they
-will all go soon--and I shall be at home to nobody. Then your
-lordship may be a little more explicit. Nay, I will contrive some
-method to convince you of her attachment to this fellow." My lord
-made proper compliments, accepted the invitation, and then they
-parted to dress, it being now past three in the morning, or to reckon
-by the old style, in the afternoon.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-A further explanation of the foregoing design.
-
-
-Though the reader may have long since concluded Lady Bellaston to be a
-member (and no inconsiderable one) of the great world; she was in
-reality a very considerable member of the little world; by which
-appellation was distinguished a very worthy and honourable society
-which not long since flourished in this kingdom.
-
-Among other good principles upon which this society was founded, there
-was one very remarkable; for, as it was a rule of an honourable club
-of heroes, who assembled at the close of the late war, that all the
-members should every day fight once at least; so 'twas in this, that
-every member should, within the twenty-four hours, tell at least one
-merry fib, which was to be propagated by all the brethren and
-sisterhood.
-
-Many idle stories were told about this society, which from a certain
-quality may be, perhaps not unjustly, supposed to have come from the
-society themselves. As, that the devil was the president; and that he
-sat in person in an elbow-chair at the upper end of the table; but,
-upon very strict enquiry, I find there is not the least truth in any
-of those tales, and that the assembly consisted in reality of a set of
-very good sort of people, and the fibs which they propagated were of a
-harmless kind, and tended only to produce mirth and good humour.
-
-Edwards was likewise a member of this comical society. To him
-therefore Lady Bellaston applied as a proper instrument for her
-purpose, and furnished him with a fib, which he was to vent whenever
-the lady gave him her cue; and this was not to be till the evening,
-when all the company but Lord Fellamar and himself were gone, and
-while they were engaged in a rubber at whist.
-
-To this time then, which was between seven and eight in the evening,
-we will convey our reader; when Lady Bellaston, Lord Fellamar, Miss
-Western, and Tom, being engaged at whist, and in the last game of
-their rubbers, Tom received his cue from Lady Bellaston, which was, "I
-protest, Tom, you are grown intolerable lately; you used to tell us
-all the news of the town, and now you know no more of the world than
-if you lived out of it."
-
-Mr Edwards then began as follows: "The fault is not mine, madam: it
-lies in the dulness of the age, that doth nothing worth talking
-of.----O la! though now I think on't there hath a terrible accident
-befallen poor Colonel Wilcox.----Poor Ned.----You know him, my lord,
-everybody knows him; faith! I am very much concerned for him."
-
-"What is it, pray?" says Lady Bellaston.
-
-"Why, he hath killed a man this morning in a duel, that's all."
-
-His lordship, who was not in the secret, asked gravely, whom he had
-killed? To which Edwards answered, "A young fellow we none of us know;
-a Somersetshire lad just came to town, one Jones his name is; a near
-relation of one Mr Allworthy, of whom your lordship I believe hath
-heard. I saw the lad lie dead in a coffee-house.--Upon my soul, he is
-one of the finest corpses I ever saw in my life!"
-
-Sophia, who had just began to deal as Tom had mentioned that a man was
-killed, stopt her hand, and listened with attention (for all stories
-of that kind affected her), but no sooner had he arrived at the latter
-part of the story than she began to deal again; and having dealt three
-cards to one, and seven to another, and ten to a third, at last dropt
-the rest from her hand, and fell back in her chair.
-
-The company behaved as usually on these occasions. The usual
-disturbance ensued, the usual assistance was summoned, and Sophia at
-last, as it is usual, returned again to life, and was soon after, at
-her earnest desire, led to her own apartment; where, at my lord's
-request, Lady Bellaston acquainted her with the truth, attempted to
-carry it off as a jest of her own, and comforted her with repeated
-assurances, that neither his lordship nor Tom, though she had taught
-him the story, were in the true secret of the affair.
-
-There was no farther evidence necessary to convince Lord Fellamar how
-justly the case had been represented to him by Lady Bellaston; and
-now, at her return into the room, a scheme was laid between these two
-noble persons, which, though it appeared in no very heinous light to
-his lordship (as he faithfully promised, and faithfully resolved too,
-to make the lady all the subsequent amends in his power by marriage),
-yet many of our readers, we doubt not, will see with just detestation.
-
-The next evening at seven was appointed for the fatal purpose, when
-Lady Bellaston undertook that Sophia should be alone, and his lordship
-should be introduced to her. The whole family were to be regulated for
-the purpose, most of the servants despatched out of the house; and for
-Mrs Honour, who, to prevent suspicion, was to be left with her
-mistress till his lordship's arrival, Lady Bellaston herself was to
-engage her in an apartment as distant as possible from the scene of
-the intended mischief, and out of the hearing of Sophia.
-
-Matters being thus agreed on, his lordship took his leave, and her
-ladyship retired to rest, highly pleased with a project, of which she
-had no reason to doubt the success, and which promised so effectually
-to remove Sophia from being any further obstruction to her amour with
-Jones, by a means of which she should never appear to be guilty, even
-if the fact appeared to the world; but this she made no doubt of
-preventing by huddling up a marriage, to which she thought the
-ravished Sophia would easily be brought to consent, and at which all
-the rest of her family would rejoice.
-
-But affairs were not in so quiet a situation in the bosom of the other
-conspirator; his mind was tost in all the distracting anxiety so nobly
-described by Shakespear--
-
-      "Between the acting of a dreadful thing,
-      And the first motion, all the interim is
-      Like a phantasma, or a hideous dream;
-      The genius and the mortal instruments
-      Are then in council; and the state of man,
-      Like to a little kingdom, suffers then
-      The nature of an insurrection."----
-
-Though the violence of his passion had made him eagerly embrace the
-first hint of this design, especially as it came from a relation of
-the lady, yet when that friend to reflection, a pillow, had placed the
-action itself in all its natural black colours before his eyes, with
-all the consequences which must, and those which might probably attend
-it, his resolution began to abate, or rather indeed to go over to the
-other side; and after a long conflict, which lasted a whole night,
-between honour and appetite, the former at length prevailed, and he
-determined to wait on Lady Bellaston, and to relinquish the design.
-
-Lady Bellaston was in bed, though very late in the morning, and Sophia
-sitting by her bed-side, when the servant acquainted her that Lord
-Fellamar was below in the parlour; upon which her ladyship desired him
-to stay, and that she would see him presently; but the servant was no
-sooner departed than poor Sophia began to intreat her cousin not to
-encourage the visits of that odious lord (so she called him, though a
-little unjustly) upon her account. "I see his design," said she; "for
-he made downright love to me yesterday morning; but as I am resolved
-never to admit it, I beg your ladyship not to leave us alone together
-any more, and to order the servants that, if he enquires for me, I may
-be always denied to him."
-
-"La! child," says Lady Bellaston, "you country girls have nothing but
-sweethearts in your head; you fancy every man who is civil to you is
-making love. He is one of the most gallant young fellows about town,
-and I am convinced means no more than a little gallantry. Make love to
-you indeed! I wish with all my heart he would, and you must be an
-arrant mad woman to refuse him."
-
-"But as I shall certainly be that mad woman," cries Sophia, "I hope
-his visits shall not be intruded upon me."
-
-"O child!" said Lady Bellaston, "you need not be so fearful; if you
-resolve to run away with that Jones, I know no person who can hinder
-you."
-
-"Upon my honour, madam," cries Sophia, "your ladyship injures me. I
-will never run away with any man; nor will I ever marry contrary to my
-father's inclinations."
-
-"Well, Miss Western," said the lady, "if you are not in a humour to
-see company this morning, you may retire to your own apartment; for I
-am not frightened at his lordship, and must send for him up into my
-dressing-room."
-
-Sophia thanked her ladyship, and withdrew; and presently afterwards
-Fellamar was admitted upstairs.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-By which it will appear how dangerous an advocate a lady is when she
-applies her eloquence to an ill purpose.
-
-
-When Lady Bellaston heard the young lord's scruples, she treated them
-with the same disdain with which one of those sages of the law, called
-Newgate solicitors, treats the qualms of conscience in a young
-witness. "My dear lord," said she, "you certainly want a cordial. I
-must send to Lady Edgely for one of her best drams. Fie upon it! have
-more resolution. Are you frightened by the word rape? Or are you
-apprehensive----? Well! if the story of Helen was modern, I should
-think it unnatural. I mean the behaviour of Paris, not the fondness of
-the lady; for all women love a man of spirit. There is another story
-of the Sabine ladies--and that too, I thank heaven, is very antient.
-Your lordship, perhaps, will admire my reading; but I think Mr Hook
-tells us, they made tolerable good wives afterwards. I fancy few of my
-married acquaintance were ravished by their husbands." "Nay, dear Lady
-Bellaston," cried he, "don't ridicule me in this manner." "Why, my
-good lord," answered she, "do you think any woman in England would not
-laugh at you in her heart, whatever prudery she might wear in her
-countenance?----You force me to use a strange kind of language, and to
-betray my sex most abominably; but I am contented with knowing my
-intentions are good, and that I am endeavouring to serve my cousin;
-for I think you will make her a husband notwithstanding this; or, upon
-my soul, I would not even persuade her to fling herself away upon an
-empty title. She should not upbraid me hereafter with having lost a
-man of spirit; for that his enemies allow this poor young fellow to
-be."
-
-Let those who have had the satisfaction of hearing reflections of this
-kind from a wife or a mistress, declare whether they are at all
-sweetened by coming from a female tongue. Certain it is, they sunk
-deeper into his lordship than anything which Demosthenes or Cicero
-could have said on the occasion.
-
-Lady Bellaston, perceiving she had fired the young lord's pride, began
-now, like a true orator, to rouse other passions to its assistance.
-"My lord," says she, in a graver voice, "you will be pleased to
-remember, you mentioned this matter to me first; for I would not
-appear to you in the light of one who is endeavouring to put off my
-cousin upon you. Fourscore thousand pounds do not stand in need of an
-advocate to recommend them." "Nor doth Miss Western," said he,
-"require any recommendation from her fortune; for, in my opinion, no
-woman ever had half her charms." "Yes, yes, my lord," replied the
-lady, looking in the glass, "there have been women with more than half
-her charms, I assure you; not that I need lessen her on that account:
-she is a most delicious girl, that's certain; and within these few
-hours she will be in the arms of one, who surely doth not deserve her,
-though I will give him his due, I believe he is truly a man of
-spirit."
-
-"I hope so, madam," said my lord; "though I must own he doth not
-deserve her; for, unless heaven or your ladyship disappoint me, she
-shall within that time be in mine."
-
-"Well spoken, my lord," answered the lady; "I promise you no
-disappointment shall happen from my side; and within this week I am
-convinced I shall call your lordship my cousin in public."
-
-The remainder of this scene consisted entirely of raptures, excuses,
-and compliments, very pleasant to have heard from the parties; but
-rather dull when related at second hand. Here, therefore, we shall put
-an end to this dialogue, and hasten to the fatal hour when everything
-was prepared for the destruction of poor Sophia.
-
-But this being the most tragical matter in our whole history, we shall
-treat it in a chapter by itself.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Containing some matters which may affect, and others which may
-surprize, the reader.
-
-
-The clock had now struck seven, and poor Sophia, alone and melancholy,
-sat reading a tragedy. It was the Fatal Marriage; and she was now come
-to that part where the poor distrest Isabella disposes of her
-wedding-ring.
-
-Here the book dropt from her hand, and a shower of tears ran down into
-her bosom. In this situation she had continued a minute, when the door
-opened, and in came Lord Fellamar. Sophia started from her chair at
-his entrance; and his lordship advancing forwards, and making a low
-bow, said, "I am afraid, Miss Western, I break in upon you abruptly."
-"Indeed, my lord," says she, "I must own myself a little surprized at
-this unexpected visit." "If this visit be unexpected, madam," answered
-Lord Fellamar, "my eyes must have been very faithless interpreters of
-my heart, when last I had the honour of seeing you; for surely you
-could not otherwise have hoped to detain my heart in your possession,
-without receiving a visit from its owner." Sophia, confused as she
-was, answered this bombast (and very properly I think) with a look of
-inconceivable disdain. My lord then made another and a longer speech
-of the same sort. Upon which Sophia, trembling, said, "Am I really to
-conceive your lordship to be out of your senses? Sure, my lord, there
-is no other excuse for such behaviour." "I am, indeed, madam, in the
-situation you suppose," cries his lordship; "and sure you will pardon
-the effects of a frenzy which you yourself have occasioned; for love
-hath so totally deprived me of reason, that I am scarce accountable
-for any of my actions." "Upon my word, my lord," said Sophia, "I
-neither understand your words nor your behaviour." "Suffer me then,
-madam," cries he, "at your feet to explain both, by laying open my
-soul to you, and declaring that I doat on you to the highest degree of
-distraction. O most adorable, most divine creature! what language can
-express the sentiments of my heart?" "I do assure you, my lord," said
-Sophia, "I shall not stay to hear any more of this." "Do not," cries
-he, "think of leaving me thus cruelly; could you know half the
-torments which I feel, that tender bosom must pity what those eyes
-have caused." Then fetching a deep sigh, and laying hold of her hand,
-he ran on for some minutes in a strain which would be little more
-pleasing to the reader than it was to the lady; and at last concluded
-with a declaration, "That if he was master of the world, he would lay
-it at her feet." Sophia then, forcibly pulling away her hand from his,
-answered with much spirit, "I promise you, sir, your world and its
-master I should spurn from me with equal contempt." She then offered
-to go; and Lord Fellamar, again laying hold of her hand, said, "Pardon
-me, my beloved angel, freedoms which nothing but despair could have
-tempted me to take.----Believe me, could I have had any hope that my
-title and fortune, neither of them inconsiderable, unless when
-compared with your worth, would have been accepted, I had, in the
-humblest manner, presented them to your acceptance.----But I cannot
-lose you.--By heaven, I will sooner part with my soul!--You are, you
-must, you shall be only mine." "My lord," says she, "I intreat you to
-desist from a vain pursuit; for, upon my honour, I will never hear you
-on this subject. Let go my hand, my lord; for I am resolved to go from
-you this moment; nor will I ever see you more." "Then, madam," cries
-his lordship, "I must make the best use of this moment; for I cannot
-live, nor will I live without you."----"What do you mean, my lord?"
-said Sophia; "I will raise the family." "I have no fear, madam,"
-answered he, "but of losing you, and that I am resolved to prevent,
-the only way which despair points to me."--He then caught her in his
-arms: upon which she screamed so loud, that she must have alarmed some
-one to her assistance, had not Lady Bellaston taken care to remove all
-ears.
-
-But a more lucky circumstance happened for poor Sophia; another noise
-now broke forth, which almost drowned her cries; for now the whole
-house rang with, "Where is she? D--n me, I'll unkennel her this
-instant. Show me her chamber, I say. Where is my daughter? I know
-she's in the house, and I'll see her if she's above-ground. Show me
-where she is."--At which last words the door flew open, and in came
-Squire Western, with his parson and a set of myrmidons at his heels.
-
-How miserable must have been the condition of poor Sophia, when the
-enraged voice of her father was welcome to her ears! Welcome indeed it
-was, and luckily did he come; for it was the only accident upon earth
-which could have preserved the peace of her mind from being for ever
-destroyed.
-
-Sophia, notwithstanding her fright, presently knew her father's voice;
-and his lordship, notwithstanding his passion, knew the voice of
-reason, which peremptorily assured him, it was not now a time for the
-perpetration of his villany. Hearing, therefore, the voice approach,
-and hearing likewise whose it was (for as the squire more than once
-roared forth the word daughter, so Sophia, in the midst of her
-struggling, cried out upon her father), he thought proper to
-relinquish his prey, having only disordered her handkerchief, and with
-his rude lips committed violence on her lovely neck.
-
-If the reader's imagination doth not assist me, I shall never be able
-to describe the situation of these two persons when Western came into
-the room. Sophia tottered into a chair, where she sat disordered,
-pale, breathless, bursting with indignation at Lord Fellamar;
-affrighted, and yet more rejoiced, at the arrival of her father.
-
-His lordship sat down near her, with the bag of his wig hanging over
-one of his shoulders, the rest of his dress being somewhat disordered,
-and rather a greater proportion of linen than is usual appearing at
-his bosom. As to the rest, he was amazed, affrighted, vexed, and
-ashamed.
-
-As to Squire Western, he happened at this time to be overtaken by an
-enemy, which very frequently pursues, and seldom fails to overtake,
-most of the country gentlemen in this kingdom. He was, literally
-speaking, drunk; which circumstance, together with his natural
-impetuosity, could produce no other effect than his running
-immediately up to his daughter, upon whom he fell foul with his tongue
-in the most inveterate manner; nay, he had probably committed violence
-with his hands, had not the parson interposed, saying, "For heaven's
-sake, sir, animadvert that you are in the house of a great lady. Let
-me beg you to mitigate your wrath; it should minister a fulness of
-satisfaction that you have found your daughter; for as to revenge, it
-belongeth not unto us. I discern great contrition in the countenance
-of the young lady. I stand assured, if you will forgive her, she will
-repent her of all past offences, and return unto her duty."
-
-The strength of the parson's arms had at first been of more service
-than the strength of his rhetoric. However, his last words wrought
-some effect, and the squire answered, "I'll forgee her if she wull ha
-un. If wot ha un, Sophy, I'll forgee thee all. Why dost unt speak?
-Shat ha un! d--n me, shat ha un! Why dost unt answer? Was ever such a
-stubborn tuoad?"
-
-"Let me intreat you, sir, to be a little more moderate," said the
-parson; "you frighten the young lady so, that you deprive her of all
-power of utterance."
-
-"Power of mine a--," answered the squire. "You take her part then,
-you do? A pretty parson, truly, to side with an undutiful child! Yes,
-yes, I will gee you a living with a pox. I'll gee un to the devil
-sooner."
-
-"I humbly crave your pardon," said the parson; "I assure your worship
-I meant no such matter."
-
-My Lady Bellaston now entered the room, and came up to the squire, who
-no sooner saw her, than, resolving to follow the instructions of his
-sister, he made her a very civil bow, in the rural manner, and paid
-her some of his best compliments. He then immediately proceeded to his
-complaints, and said, "There, my lady cousin; there stands the most
-undutiful child in the world; she hankers after a beggarly rascal, and
-won't marry one of the greatest matches in all England, that we have
-provided for her."
-
-"Indeed, cousin Western," answered the lady, "I am persuaded you wrong
-my cousin. I am sure she hath a better understanding. I am convinced
-she will not refuse what she must be sensible is so much to her
-advantage."
-
-This was a wilful mistake in Lady Bellaston, for she well knew whom Mr
-Western meant; though perhaps she thought he would easily be
-reconciled to his lordship's proposals.
-
-"Do you hear there," quoth the squire, "what her ladyship says? All
-your family are for the match. Come, Sophy, be a good girl, and be
-dutiful, and make your father happy."
-
-"If my death will make you happy, sir," answered Sophia, "you will
-shortly be so."
-
-"It's a lye, Sophy; it's a d--n'd lye, and you know it," said the
-squire.
-
-"Indeed, Miss Western," said Lady Bellaston, "you injure your father;
-he hath nothing in view but your interest in this match; and I and all
-your friends must acknowledge the highest honour done to your family
-in the proposal."
-
-"Ay, all of us," quoth the squire; "nay, it was no proposal of mine.
-She knows it was her aunt proposed it to me first.--Come, Sophy, once
-more let me beg you to be a good girl, and gee me your consent before
-your cousin."
-
-"Let me give him your hand, cousin," said the lady. "It is the fashion
-now-a-days to dispense with time and long courtships."
-
-"Pugh!" said the squire, "what signifies time; won't they have time
-enough to court afterwards? People may court very well after they have
-been a-bed together."
-
-As Lord Fellamar was very well assured that he was meant by Lady
-Bellaston, so, never having heard nor suspected a word of Blifil, he
-made no doubt of his being meant by the father. Coming up, therefore,
-to the squire, he said, "Though I have not the honour, sir, of being
-personally known to you, yet, as I find I have the happiness to have
-my proposals accepted, let me intercede, sir, in behalf of the young
-lady, that she may not be more solicited at this time."
-
-"You intercede, sir!" said the squire; "why, who the devil are you?"
-
-"Sir, I am Lord Fellamar," answered he, "and am the happy man whom I
-hope you have done the honour of accepting for a son-in-law."
-
-"You are a son of a b----," replied the squire, "for all your laced
-coat. You my son-in-law, and be d--n'd to you!"
-
-"I shall take more from you, sir, than from any man," answered the
-lord; "but I must inform you that I am not used to hear such language
-without resentment."
-
-"Resent my a--," quoth the squire. "Don't think I am afraid of such a
-fellow as thee art! because hast got a spit there dangling at thy
-side. Lay by your spit, and I'll give thee enough of meddling with
-what doth not belong to thee. I'll teach you to father-in-law me. I'll
-lick thy jacket."
-
-"It's very well, sir," said my lord, "I shall make no disturbance
-before the ladies. I am very well satisfied. Your humble servant, sir;
-Lady Bellaston, your most obedient."
-
-His lordship was no sooner gone, than Lady Bellaston, coming up to Mr
-Western, said, "Bless me, sir, what have you done? You know not whom
-you have affronted; he is a nobleman of the first rank and fortune,
-and yesterday made proposals to your daughter; and such as I am sure
-you must accept with the highest pleasure."
-
-"Answer for yourself, lady cousin," said the squire, "I will have
-nothing to do with any of your lords. My daughter shall have an honest
-country gentleman; I have pitched upon one for her--and she shall ha'
-un.--I am sorry for the trouble she hath given your ladyship with all
-my heart." Lady Bellaston made a civil speech upon the word trouble;
-to which the squire answered--"Why, that's kind--and I would do as
-much for your ladyship. To be sure relations should do for one
-another. So I wish your ladyship a good night.--Come, madam, you must
-go along with me by fair means, or I'll have you carried down to the
-coach."
-
-Sophia said she would attend him without force; but begged to go in a
-chair, for she said she should not be able to ride any other way.
-
-"Prithee," cries the squire, "wout unt persuade me canst not ride in a
-coach, wouldst? That's a pretty thing surely! No, no, I'll never let
-thee out of my sight any more till art married, that I promise thee."
-Sophia told him, she saw he was resolved to break her heart. "O break
-thy heart and be d--n'd," quoth he, "if a good husband will break it.
-I don't value a brass varden, not a halfpenny, of any undutiful b--
-upon earth." He then took violent hold of her hand; upon which the
-parson once more interfered, begging him to use gentle methods. At
-that the squire thundered out a curse, and bid the parson hold his
-tongue, saying, "At'nt in pulpit now? when art a got up there I never
-mind what dost say; but I won't be priest-ridden, nor taught how to
-behave myself by thee. I wish your ladyship a good-night. Come along,
-Sophy; be a good girl, and all shall be well. Shat ha' un, d--n me,
-shat ha' un!"
-
-Mrs Honour appeared below-stairs, and with a low curtesy to the squire
-offered to attend her mistress; but he pushed her away, saying, "Hold,
-madam, hold, you come no more near my house." "And will you take my
-maid away from me?" said Sophia. "Yes, indeed, madam, will I," cries
-the squire: "you need not fear being without a servant; I will get you
-another maid, and a better maid than this, who, I'd lay five pounds to
-a crown, is no more a maid than my grannum. No, no, Sophy, she shall
-contrive no more escapes, I promise you." He then packed up his
-daughter and the parson into the hackney coach, after which he mounted
-himself, and ordered it to drive to his lodgings. In the way thither
-he suffered Sophia to be quiet, and entertained himself with reading a
-lecture to the parson on good manners, and a proper behaviour to his
-betters.
-
-It is possible he might not so easily have carried off his daughter
-from Lady Bellaston, had that good lady desired to have detained her;
-but, in reality, she was not a little pleased with the confinement
-into which Sophia was going; and as her project with Lord Fellamar had
-failed of success, she was well contented that other violent methods
-were now going to be used in favour of another man.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-By what means the squire came to discover his daughter.
-
-
-Though the reader, in many histories, is obliged to digest much more
-unaccountable appearances than this of Mr Western, without any
-satisfaction at all; yet, as we dearly love to oblige him whenever it
-is in our power, we shall now proceed to shew by what method the
-squire discovered where his daughter was.
-
-In the third chapter, then, of the preceding book, we gave a hint (for
-it is not our custom to unfold at any time more than is necessary for
-the occasion) that Mrs Fitzpatrick, who was very desirous of
-reconciling her uncle and aunt Western, thought she had a probable
-opportunity, by the service of preserving Sophia from committing the
-same crime which had drawn on herself the anger of her family. After
-much deliberation, therefore, she resolved to inform her aunt Western
-where her cousin was, and accordingly she writ the following letter,
-which we shall give the reader at length, for more reasons than one.
-
-  "HONOURED MADAM,
-
-  "The occasion of my writing this will perhaps make a letter of mine
-  agreeable to my dear aunt, for the sake of one of her nieces, though
-  I have little reason to hope it will be so on the account of
-  another.
-
-  "Without more apology, as I was coming to throw my unhappy self at
-  your feet, I met, by the strangest accident in the world, my cousin
-  Sophy, whose history you are better acquainted with than myself,
-  though, alas! I know infinitely too much; enough indeed to satisfy
-  me, that unless she is immediately prevented, she is in danger of
-  running into the same fatal mischief, which, by foolishly and
-  ignorantly refusing your most wise and prudent advice, I have
-  unfortunately brought on myself.
-
-  "In short, I have seen the man, nay, I was most part of yesterday in
-  his company, and a charming young fellow I promise you he is. By
-  what accident he came acquainted with me is too tedious to tell you
-  now; but I have this morning changed my lodgings to avoid him, lest
-  he should by my means discover my cousin; for he doth not yet know
-  where she is, and it is adviseable he should not, till my uncle hath
-  secured her.----No time therefore is to be lost; and I need only
-  inform you, that she is now with Lady Bellaston, whom I have seen,
-  and who hath, I find, a design of concealing her from her family.
-  You know, madam, she is a strange woman; but nothing could misbecome
-  me more than to presume to give any hint to one of your great
-  understanding and great knowledge of the world, besides barely
-  informing you of the matter of fact.
-
-  "I hope, madam, the care which I have shewn on this occasion for the
-  good of my family will recommend me again to the favour of a lady
-  who hath always exerted so much zeal for the honour and true
-  interest of us all; and that it may be a means of restoring me to
-  your friendship, which hath made so great a part of my former, and
-  is so necessary to my future happiness.
-
-             "I am,
-                 with the utmost respect,
-                    honoured madam,
-                       your most dutiful obliged niece,
-                           and most obedient humble
-                                 servant,
-                                      HARRIET FITZPATRICK."
-
-Mrs Western was now at her brother's house, where she had resided ever
-since the flight of Sophia, in order to administer comfort to the poor
-squire in his affliction. Of this comfort, which she doled out to him
-in daily portions, we have formerly given a specimen.
-
-She was now standing with her back to the fire, and, with a pinch of
-snuff in her hand, was dealing forth this daily allowance of comfort
-to the squire, while he smoaked his afternoon pipe, when she received
-the above letter; which she had no sooner read than she delivered it
-to him, saying, "There, sir, there is an account of your lost sheep.
-Fortune hath again restored her to you, and if you will be governed by
-my advice, it is possible you may yet preserve her."
-
-The squire had no sooner read the letter than he leaped from his
-chair, threw his pipe into the fire, and gave a loud huzza for joy. He
-then summoned his servants, called for his boots, and ordered the
-Chevalier and several other horses to be saddled, and that parson
-Supple should be immediately sent for. Having done this, he turned to
-his sister, caught her in his arms, and gave her a close embrace,
-saying, "Zounds! you don't seem pleased; one would imagine you was
-sorry I have found the girl."
-
-"Brother," answered she, "the deepest politicians, who see to the
-bottom, discover often a very different aspect of affairs, from what
-swims on the surface. It is true, indeed, things do look rather less
-desperate than they did formerly in Holland, when Lewis the Fourteenth
-was at the gates of Amsterdam; but there is a delicacy required in
-this matter, which you will pardon me, brother, if I suspect you want.
-There is a decorum to be used with a woman of figure, such as Lady
-Bellaston, brother, which requires a knowledge of the world, superior,
-I am afraid, to yours."
-
-"Sister," cries the squire, "I know you have no opinion of my parts;
-but I'll shew you on this occasion who is a fool. Knowledge, quotha! I
-have not been in the country so long without having some knowledge of
-warrants and the law of the land. I know I may take my own wherever I
-can find it. Shew me my own daughter, and if I don't know how to come
-at her, I'll suffer you to call me a fool as long as I live. There be
-justices of peace in London, as well as in other places."
-
-"I protest," cries she, "you make me tremble for the event of this
-matter, which, if you will proceed by my advice, you may bring to so
-good an issue. Do you really imagine, brother, that the house of a
-woman of figure is to be attacked by warrants and brutal justices of
-the peace? I will inform you how to proceed. As soon as you arrive in
-town, and have got yourself into a decent dress (for indeed, brother,
-you have none at present fit to appear in), you must send your
-compliments to Lady Bellaston, and desire leave to wait on her. When
-you are admitted to her presence, as you certainly will be, and have
-told her your story, and have made proper use of my name (for I think
-you just know one another only by sight, though you are relations), I
-am confident she will withdraw her protection from my niece, who hath
-certainly imposed upon her. This is the only method.--Justices of
-peace, indeed! do you imagine any such event can arrive to a woman of
-figure in a civilised nation?"
-
-"D--n their figures," cries the squire; "a pretty civilised nation,
-truly, where women are above the law. And what must I stand sending a
-parcel of compliments to a confounded whore, that keeps away a
-daughter from her own natural father? I tell you, sister, I am not so
-ignorant as you think me----I know you would have women above the law,
-but it is all a lye; I heard his lordship say at size, that no one is
-above the law. But this of yours is Hanover law, I suppose."
-
-"Mr Western," said she, "I think you daily improve in ignorance.----I
-protest you are grown an arrant bear."
-
-"No more a bear than yourself, sister Western," said the
-squire.--"Pox! you may talk of your civility an you will, I am sure
-you never shew any to me. I am no bear, no, nor no dog neither, though
-I know somebody, that is something that begins with a b; but pox! I
-will show you I have got more good manners than some folks."
-
-"Mr Western," answered the lady, "you may say what you please, _je
-vous mesprise de tout mon coeur._ I shall not therefore be
-angry.----Besides, as my cousin, with that odious Irish name, justly
-says, I have that regard for the honour and true interest of my
-family, and that concern for my niece, who is a part of it, that I
-have resolved to go to town myself upon this occasion; for indeed,
-indeed, brother, you are not a fit minister to be employed at a polite
-court.--Greenland--Greenland should always be the scene of the
-tramontane negociation."
-
-"I thank Heaven," cries the squire, "I don't understand you now. You
-are got to your Hanoverian linguo. However, I'll shew you I scorn to
-be behind-hand in civility with you; and as you are not angry for what
-I have said, so I am not angry for what you have said. Indeed I have
-always thought it a folly for relations to quarrel; and if they do now
-and then give a hasty word, why, people should give and take; for my
-part, I never bear malice; and I take it very kind of you to go up to
-London; for I never was there but twice in my life, and then I did not
-stay above a fortnight at a time, and to be sure I can't be expected
-to know much of the streets and the folks in that time. I never denied
-that you know'd all these matters better than I. For me to dispute
-that would be all as one as for you to dispute the management of a
-pack of dogs, or the finding a hare sitting, with me."--"Which I
-promise you," says she, "I never will."--"Well, and I promise you,"
-returned he, "that I never will dispute the t'other."
-
-Here then a league was struck (to borrow a phrase from the lady)
-between the contending parties; and now the parson arriving, and the
-horses being ready, the squire departed, having promised his sister to
-follow her advice, and she prepared to follow him the next day.
-
-But having communicated these matters to the parson on the road, they
-both agreed that the prescribed formalities might very well be
-dispensed with; and the squire, having changed his mind, proceeded in
-the manner we have already seen.
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which various misfortunes befel poor Jones.
-
-
-Affairs were in the aforesaid situation when Mrs Honour arrived at Mrs
-Miller's, and called Jones out from the company, as we have before
-seen, with whom, when she found herself alone, she began as follows:--
-
-"O, my dear sir! how shall I get spirits to tell you; you are undone,
-sir, and my poor lady's undone, and I am undone." "Hath anything
-happened to Sophia?" cries Jones, staring like a madman. "All that is
-bad," cries Honour: "Oh, I shall never get such another lady! Oh that
-I should ever live to see this day!" At these words Jones turned pale
-as ashes, trembled, and stammered; but Honour went on--"O! Mr Jones, I
-have lost my lady for ever." "How? what! for Heaven's sake, tell me.
-O, my dear Sophia!" "You may well call her so," said Honour; "she was
-the dearest lady to me. I shall never have such another
-place."----"D--n your place!" cries Jones; "where is--what--what is
-become of my Sophia?" "Ay, to be sure," cries she, "servants may be
-d--n'd. It signifies nothing what becomes of them, though they are
-turned away, and ruined ever so much. To be sure they are not flesh
-and blood like other people. No, to be sure, it signifies nothing what
-becomes of them." "If you have any pity, any compassion," cries Jones,
-"I beg you will instantly tell me what hath happened to Sophia?" "To
-be sure, I have more pity for you than you have for me," answered
-Honour; "I don't d--n you because you have lost the sweetest lady in
-the world. To be sure you are worthy to be pitied, and I am worthy to
-be pitied too: for, to be sure, if ever there was a good mistress----"
-"What hath happened?" cries Jones, in almost a raving fit.
-"What?--What?" said Honour: "Why, the worst that could have happened
-both for you and for me.--Her father is come to town, and hath carried
-her away from us both." Here Jones fell on his knees in thanksgiving
-that it was no worse. "No worse!" repeated Honour; "what could be
-worse for either of us? He carried her off, swearing she should marry
-Mr Blifil; that's for your comfort; and, for poor me, I am turned out
-of doors." "Indeed, Mrs Honour," answered Jones, "you frightened me
-out of my wits. I imagined some most dreadful sudden accident had
-happened to Sophia; something, compared to which, even seeing her
-married to Blifil would be a trifle; but while there is life there are
-hopes, my dear Honour. Women in this land of liberty, cannot be
-married by actual brutal force." "To be sure, sir," said she, "that's
-true. There may be some hopes for you; but alack-a-day! what hopes are
-there for poor me? And to be sure, sir, you must be sensible I suffer
-all this upon your account. All the quarrel the squire hath to me is
-for taking your part, as I have done, against Mr Blifil." "Indeed, Mrs
-Honour," answered he, "I am sensible of my obligations to you, and
-will leave nothing in my power undone to make you amends." "Alas!
-sir," said she, "what can make a servant amends for the loss of one
-place but the getting another altogether as good?" "Do not despair,
-Mrs Honour," said Jones, "I hope to reinstate you again in the same."
-"Alack-a-day, sir," said she, "how can I flatter myself with such
-hopes when I know it is a thing impossible? for the squire is so set
-against me: and yet, if you should ever have my lady, as to be sure I
-now hopes heartily you will; for you are a generous, good-natured
-gentleman; and I am sure you loves her, and to be sure she loves you
-as dearly as her own soul; it is a matter in vain to deny it; because
-as why, everybody, that is in the least acquainted with my lady, must
-see it; for, poor dear lady, she can't dissemble: and if two people
-who loves one another a'n't happy, why who should be so? Happiness
-don't always depend upon what people has; besides, my lady has enough
-for both. To be sure, therefore, as one may say, it would be all the
-pity in the world to keep two such loviers asunder; nay, I am
-convinced, for my part, you will meet together at last; for, if it is
-to be, there is no preventing it. If a marriage is made in heaven, all
-the justices of peace upon earth can't break it off. To be sure I
-wishes that parson Supple had but a little more spirit, to tell the
-squire of his wickedness in endeavouring to force his daughter
-contrary to her liking; but then his whole dependance is on the
-squire; and so the poor gentleman, though he is a very religious good
-sort of man, and talks of the badness of such doings behind the
-squire's back, yet he dares not say his soul is his own to his face.
-To be sure I never saw him make so bold as just now; I was afeard the
-squire would have struck him. I would not have your honour be
-melancholy, sir, nor despair; things may go better, as long as you are
-sure of my lady, and that I am certain you may be; for she never will
-be brought to consent to marry any other man. Indeed I am terribly
-afeared the squire will do her a mischief in his passion, for he is a
-prodigious passionate gentleman; and I am afeared too the poor lady
-will be brought to break her heart, for she is as tender-hearted as a
-chicken. It is pity, methinks, she had not a little of my courage. If
-I was in love with a young man, and my father offered to lock me up,
-I'd tear his eyes out but I'd come at him; but then there's a great
-fortune in the case, which it is in her father's power either to give
-her or not; that, to be sure, may make some difference."
-
-Whether Jones gave strict attention to all the foregoing harangue, or
-whether it was for want of any vacancy in the discourse, I cannot
-determine; but he never once attempted to answer, nor did she once
-stop till Partridge came running into the room, and informed him that
-the great lady was upon the stairs.
-
-Nothing could equal the dilemma to which Jones was now reduced. Honour
-knew nothing of any acquaintance that subsisted between him and Lady
-Bellaston, and she was almost the last person in the world to whom he
-would have communicated it. In this hurry and distress, he took (as is
-common enough) the worst course, and, instead of exposing her to the
-lady, which would have been of little consequence, he chose to expose
-the lady to her; he therefore resolved to hide Honour, whom he had but
-just time to convey behind the bed, and to draw the curtains.
-
-The hurry in which Jones had been all day engaged on account of his
-poor landlady and her family, the terrors occasioned by Mrs Honour,
-and the confusion into which he was thrown by the sudden arrival of
-Lady Bellaston, had altogether driven former thoughts out of his head;
-so that it never once occurred to his memory to act the part of a sick
-man; which, indeed, neither the gaiety of his dress, nor the freshness
-of his countenance, would have at all supported.
-
-He received her ladyship therefore rather agreeably to her desires
-than to her expectations, with all the good humour he could muster in
-his countenance, and without any real or affected appearance of the
-least disorder.
-
-Lady Bellaston no sooner entered the room, than she squatted herself
-down on the bed: "So, my dear Jones," said she, "you find nothing can
-detain me long from you. Perhaps I ought to be angry with you, that I
-have neither seen nor heard from you all day; for I perceive your
-distemper would have suffered you to come abroad: nay, I suppose you
-have not sat in your chamber all day drest up like a fine lady to see
-company after a lying-in; but, however, don't think I intend to scold
-you; for I never will give you an excuse for the cold behaviour of a
-husband, by putting on the ill-humour of a wife."
-
-"Nay, Lady Bellaston," said Jones, "I am sure your ladyship will not
-upbraid me with neglect of duty, when I only waited for orders. Who,
-my dear creature, hath reason to complain? Who missed an appointment
-last night, and left an unhappy man to expect, and wish, and sigh, and
-languish?"
-
-"Do not mention it, my dear Mr Jones," cried she. "If you knew the
-occasion, you would pity me. In short, it is impossible to conceive
-what women of condition are obliged to suffer from the impertinence of
-fools, in order to keep up the farce of the world. I am glad, however,
-all your languishing and wishing have done you no harm; for you never
-looked better in your life. Upon my faith! Jones, you might at this
-instant sit for the picture of Adonis."
-
-There are certain words of provocation which men of honour hold can
-properly be answered only by a blow. Among lovers possibly there may
-be some expressions which can be answered only by a kiss. Now the
-compliment which Lady Bellaston now made Jones seems to be of this
-kind, especially as it was attended with a look, in which the lady
-conveyed more soft ideas than it was possible to express with her
-tongue.
-
-Jones was certainly at this instant in one of the most disagreeable
-and distressed situations imaginable; for, to carry on the comparison
-we made use of before, though the provocation was given by the lady,
-Jones could not receive satisfaction, nor so much as offer to ask it,
-in the presence of a third person; seconds in this kind of duels not
-being according to the law of arms. As this objection did not occur to
-Lady Bellaston, who was ignorant of any other woman being there but
-herself, she waited some time in great astonishment for an answer from
-Jones, who, conscious of the ridiculous figure he made, stood at a
-distance, and, not daring to give the proper answer, gave none at all.
-Nothing can be imagined more comic, nor yet more tragical, than this
-scene would have been if it had lasted much longer. The lady had
-already changed colour two or three times; had got up from the bed and
-sat down again, while Jones was wishing the ground to sink under him,
-or the house to fall on his head, when an odd accident freed him from
-an embarrassment out of which neither the eloquence of a Cicero, nor
-the politics of a Machiavel, could have delivered him, without utter
-disgrace.
-
-This was no other than the arrival of young Nightingale, dead drunk;
-or rather in that state of drunkenness which deprives men of the use
-of their reason without depriving them of the use of their limbs.
-
-Mrs Miller and her daughters were in bed, and Partridge was smoaking
-his pipe by the kitchen fire; so that he arrived at Mr Jones's
-chamber-door without any interruption. This he burst open, and was
-entering without any ceremony, when Jones started from his seat and
-ran to oppose him, which he did so effectually, that Nightingale never
-came far enough within the door to see who was sitting on the bed.
-
-Nightingale had in reality mistaken Jones's apartment for that in
-which himself had lodged; he therefore strongly insisted on coming in,
-often swearing that he would not be kept from his own bed. Jones,
-however, prevailed over him, and delivered him into the hands of
-Partridge, whom the noise on the stairs soon summoned to his master's
-assistance.
-
-And now Jones was unwillingly obliged to return to his own apartment,
-where at the very instant of his entrance he heard Lady Bellaston
-venting an exclamation, though not a very loud one; and at the same
-time saw her flinging herself into a chair in a vast agitation, which
-in a lady of a tender constitution would have been an hysteric fit.
-
-In reality the lady, frightened with the struggle between the two men,
-of which she did not know what would be the issue, as she heard
-Nightingale swear many oaths he would come to his own bed, attempted
-to retire to her known place of hiding, which to her great confusion
-she found already occupied by another.
-
-"Is this usage to be borne, Mr Jones?" cries the lady.--"Basest of
-men?----What wretch is this to whom you have exposed me?" "Wretch!"
-cries Honour, bursting in a violent rage from her place of
-concealment--"Marry come up!----Wretch forsooth?----as poor a wretch
-as I am, I am honest; this is more than some folks who are richer can
-say."
-
-Jones, instead of applying himself directly to take off the edge of
-Mrs Honour's resentment, as a more experienced gallant would have
-done, fell to cursing his stars, and lamenting himself as the most
-unfortunate man in the world; and presently after, addressing himself
-to Lady Bellaston, he fell to some very absurd protestations of
-innocence. By this time the lady, having recovered the use of her
-reason, which she had as ready as any woman in the world, especially
-on such occasions, calmly replied: "Sir, you need make no apologies, I
-see now who the person is; I did not at first know Mrs Honour: but now
-I do, I can suspect nothing wrong between her and you; and I am sure
-she is a woman of too good sense to put any wrong constructions upon
-my visit to you; I have been always her friend, and it may be in my
-power to be much more hereafter."
-
-Mrs Honour was altogether as placable as she was passionate. Hearing,
-therefore, Lady Bellaston assume the soft tone, she likewise softened
-hers.----"I'm sure, madam," says she, "I have been always ready to
-acknowledge your ladyship's friendships to me; sure I never had so
-good a friend as your ladyship----and to be sure, now I see it is your
-ladyship that I spoke to, I could almost bite my tongue off for very
-mad.--I constructions upon your ladyship--to be sure it doth not
-become a servant as I am to think about such a great lady--I mean I
-was a servant: for indeed I am nobody's servant now, the more
-miserable wretch is me.--I have lost the best mistress----" Here
-Honour thought fit to produce a shower of tears.--"Don't cry, child,"
-says the good lady; "ways perhaps may be found to make you amends.
-Come to me to-morrow morning." She then took up her fan which lay on
-the ground, and without even looking at Jones walked very majestically
-out of the room; there being a kind of dignity in the impudence of
-women of quality, which their inferiors vainly aspire to attain to in
-circumstances of this nature.
-
-Jones followed her downstairs, often offering her his hand, which she
-absolutely refused him, and got into her chair without taking any
-notice of him as he stood bowing before her.
-
-At his return upstairs, a long dialogue past between him and Mrs
-Honour, while she was adjusting herself after the discomposure she had
-undergone. The subject of this was his infidelity to her young lady;
-on which she enlarged with great bitterness; but Jones at last found
-means to reconcile her, and not only so, but to obtain a promise of
-most inviolable secrecy, and that she would the next morning endeavour
-to find out Sophia, and bring him a further account of the proceedings
-of the squire.
-
-Thus ended this unfortunate adventure to the satisfaction only of Mrs
-Honour; for a secret (as some of my readers will perhaps acknowledge
-from experience) is often a very valuable possession: and that not
-only to those who faithfully keep it, but sometimes to such as whisper
-it about till it come to the ears of every one except the ignorant
-person who pays for the supposed concealing of what is publickly
-known.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Short and sweet.
-
-
-Notwithstanding all the obligations she had received from Jones, Mrs
-Miller could not forbear in the morning some gentle remonstrances for
-the hurricane which had happened the preceding night in his chamber.
-These were, however, so gentle and so friendly, professing, and indeed
-truly, to aim at nothing more than the real good of Mr Jones himself,
-that he, far from being offended, thankfully received the admonition
-of the good woman, expressed much concern for what had past, excused
-it as well as he could, and promised never more to bring the same
-disturbances into the house.
-
-But though Mrs Miller did not refrain from a short expostulation in
-private at their first meeting, yet the occasion of his being summoned
-downstairs that morning was of a much more agreeable kind, being
-indeed to perform the office of a father to Miss Nancy, and to give
-her in wedlock to Mr Nightingale, who was now ready drest, and full as
-sober as many of my readers will think a man ought to be who receives
-a wife in so imprudent a manner.
-
-And here perhaps it may be proper to account for the escape which this
-young gentleman had made from his uncle, and for his appearance in the
-condition in which we have seen him the night before.
-
-Now when the uncle had arrived at his lodgings with his nephew, partly
-to indulge his own inclinations (for he dearly loved his bottle), and
-partly to disqualify his nephew from the immediate execution of his
-purpose, he ordered wine to be set on the table; with which he so
-briskly plyed the young gentleman, that this latter, who, though not
-much used to drinking, did not detest it so as to be guilty of
-disobedience or want of complacence by refusing, was soon completely
-finished.
-
-Just as the uncle had obtained this victory, and was preparing a bed
-for his nephew, a messenger arrived with a piece of news, which so
-entirely disconcerted and shocked him, that he in a moment lost all
-consideration for his nephew, and his whole mind became entirely taken
-up with his own concerns.
-
-This sudden and afflicting news was no less than that his daughter had
-taken the opportunity of almost the first moment of his absence, and
-had gone off with a neighbouring young clergyman; against whom, though
-her father could have had but one objection, namely, that he was worth
-nothing, yet she had never thought proper to communicate her amour
-even to that father; and so artfully had she managed, that it had
-never been once suspected by any, till now that it was consummated.
-
-Old Mr Nightingale no sooner received this account, than in the utmost
-confusion he ordered a post-chaise to be instantly got ready, and,
-having recommended his nephew to the care of a servant, he directly
-left the house, scarce knowing what he did, nor whither he went.
-
-The uncle thus departed, when the servant came to attend the nephew to
-bed, had waked him for that purpose, and had at last made him sensible
-that his uncle was gone, he, instead of accepting the kind offices
-tendered him, insisted on a chair being called; with this the servant,
-who had received no strict orders to the contrary, readily complied;
-and, thus being conducted back to the house of Mrs Miller, he had
-staggered up to Mr Jones's chamber, as hath been before recounted.
-
-This bar of the uncle being now removed (though young Nightingale knew
-not as yet in what manner), and all parties being quickly ready, the
-mother, Mr Jones, Mr Nightingale, and his love, stept into a
-hackney-coach, which conveyed them to Doctors' Commons; where Miss
-Nancy was, in vulgar language, soon made an honest woman, and the poor
-mother became, in the purest sense of the word, one of the happiest of
-all human beings.
-
-And now Mr Jones, having seen his good offices to that poor woman and
-her family brought to a happy conclusion, began to apply himself to
-his own concerns; but here, lest many of my readers should censure his
-folly for thus troubling himself with the affairs of others, and lest
-some few should think he acted more disinterestedly than indeed he
-did, we think proper to assure our reader, that he was so far from
-being unconcerned in this matter, that he had indeed a very
-considerable interest in bringing it to that final consummation.
-
-To explain this seeming paradox at once, he was one who could truly
-say with him in Terence, _Homo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto_.
-He was never an indifferent spectator of the misery or happiness of
-any one; and he felt either the one or the other in great proportion
-as he himself contributed to either. He could not, therefore, be the
-instrument of raising a whole family from the lowest state of
-wretchedness to the highest pitch of joy without conveying great
-felicity to himself; more perhaps than worldly men often purchase to
-themselves by undergoing the most severe labour, and often by wading
-through the deepest iniquity.
-
-Those readers who are of the same complexion with him will perhaps
-think this short chapter contains abundance of matter; while others
-may probably wish, short as it is, that it had been totally spared as
-impertinent to the main design, which I suppose they conclude is to
-bring Mr Jones to the gallows, or, if possible, to a more deplorable
-catastrophe.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-Containing love-letters of several sorts.
-
-
-Mr Jones, at his return home, found the following letters lying on his
-table, which he luckily opened in the order they were sent.
-
-                              LETTER I.
-
-  "Surely I am under some strange infatuation; I cannot keep my
-  resolutions a moment, however strongly made or justly founded. Last
-  night I resolved never to see you more; this morning I am willing to
-  hear if you can, as you say, clear up this affair. And yet I know
-  that to be impossible. I have said everything to myself which you
-  can invent.----Perhaps not. Perhaps your invention is stronger. Come
-  to me, therefore, the moment you receive this. If you can forge an
-  excuse I almost promise you to believe it. Betrayed too----I will
-  think no more.----Come to me directly.----This is the third letter I
-  have writ, the two former are burnt----I am almost inclined to burn
-  this too----I wish I may preserve my senses.----Come to me
-  presently."
-
-                              LETTER II.
-
-  "If you ever expect to be forgiven, or even suffered within my
-  doors, come to me this instant."
-
-                             LETTER III.
-
-  "I now find you was not at home when my notes came to your lodgings.
-  The moment you receive this let me see you;--I shall not stir out;
-  nor shall anybody be let in but yourself. Sure nothing can detain
-  you long."
-
-Jones had just read over these three billets when Mr Nightingale came
-into the room. "Well, Tom," said he, "any news from Lady Bellaston,
-after last night's adventure?" (for it was now no secret to any one in
-that house who the lady was). "The Lady Bellaston?" answered Jones
-very gravely.----"Nay, dear Tom," cries Nightingale, "don't be so
-reserved to your friends. Though I was too drunk to see her last
-night, I saw her at the masquerade. Do you think I am ignorant who the
-queen of the fairies is?" "And did you really then know the lady at
-the masquerade?" said Jones. "Yes, upon my soul, did I," said
-Nightingale, "and have given you twenty hints of it since, though you
-seemed always so tender on that point, that I would not speak plainly.
-I fancy, my friend, by your extreme nicety in this matter, you are not
-so well acquainted with the character of the lady as with her person.
-Don't be angry, Tom, but upon my honour, you are not the first young
-fellow she hath debauched. Her reputation is in no danger, believe
-me."
-
-Though Jones had no reason to imagine the lady to have been of the
-vestal kind when his amour began; yet, as he was thoroughly ignorant
-of the town, and had very little acquaintance in it, he had no
-knowledge of that character which is vulgarly called a demirep; that
-is to say, a woman who intrigues with every man she likes, under the
-name and appearance of virtue; and who, though some over-nice ladies
-will not be seen with her, is visited (as they term it) by the whole
-town, in short, whom everybody knows to be what nobody calls her.
-
-When he found, therefore, that Nightingale was perfectly acquainted
-with his intrigue, and began to suspect that so scrupulous a delicacy
-as he had hitherto observed was not quite necessary on the occasion,
-he gave a latitude to his friend's tongue, and desired him to speak
-plainly what he knew, or had ever heard of the lady.
-
-Nightingale, who, in many other instances, was rather too effeminate
-in his disposition, had a pretty strong inclination to tittle-tattle.
-He had no sooner, therefore, received a full liberty of speaking from
-Jones, than he entered upon a long narrative concerning the lady;
-which, as it contained many particulars highly to her dishonour, we
-have too great a tenderness for all women of condition to repeat. We
-would cautiously avoid giving an opportunity to the future
-commentators on our works, of making any malicious application and of
-forcing us to be, against our will, the author of scandal, which never
-entered into our head.
-
-Jones, having very attentively heard all that Nightingale had to say,
-fetched a deep sigh; which the other, observing, cried, "Heyday! why,
-thou art not in love, I hope! Had I imagined my stories would have
-affected you, I promise you should never have heard them." "O my dear
-friend!" cries Jones, "I am so entangled with this woman, that I know
-not how to extricate myself. In love, indeed! no, my friend, but I am
-under obligations to her, and very great ones. Since you know so much,
-I will be very explicit with you. It is owing, perhaps, solely to her,
-that I have not, before this, wanted a bit of bread. How can I
-possibly desert such a woman? and yet I must desert her, or be guilty
-of the blackest treachery to one who deserves infinitely better of me
-than she can; a woman, my Nightingale, for whom I have a passion which
-few can have an idea of. I am half distracted with doubts how to act."
-"And is this other, pray, an honourable mistress?" cries Nightingale.
-"Honourable!" answered Jones; "no breath ever yet durst sully her
-reputation. The sweetest air is not purer, the limpid stream not
-clearer, than her honour. She is all over, both in mind and body,
-consummate perfection. She is the most beautiful creature in the
-universe: and yet she is mistress of such noble elevated qualities,
-that, though she is never from my thoughts, I scarce ever think of her
-beauty but when I see it."--"And can you, my good friend," cries
-Nightingale, "with such an engagement as this upon your hands,
-hesitate a moment about quitting such a--" "Hold," said Jones, "no
-more abuse of her: I detest the thought of ingratitude." "Pooh!"
-answered the other, "you are not the first upon whom she hath
-conferred obligations of this kind. She is remarkably liberal where
-she likes; though, let me tell you, her favours are so prudently
-bestowed, that they should rather raise a man's vanity than his
-gratitude." In short, Nightingale proceeded so far on this head, and
-told his friend so many stories of the lady, which he swore to the
-truth of, that he entirely removed all esteem for her from the breast
-of Jones; and his gratitude was lessened in proportion. Indeed, he
-began to look on all the favours he had received rather as wages than
-benefits, which depreciated not only her, but himself too in his own
-conceit, and put him quite out of humour with both. From this disgust,
-his mind, by a natural transition, turned towards Sophia; her virtue,
-her purity, her love to him, her sufferings on his account, filled all
-his thoughts, and made his commerce with Lady Bellaston appear still
-more odious. The result of all was, that, though his turning himself
-out of her service, in which light he now saw his affair with her,
-would be the loss of his bread; yet he determined to quit her, if he
-could but find a handsome pretence: which being communicated to his
-friend, Nightingale considered a little, and then said, "I have it, my
-boy! I have found out a sure method; propose marriage to her, and I
-would venture hanging upon the success." "Marriage?" cries Jones. "Ay,
-propose marriage," answered Nightingale, "and she will declare off in
-a moment. I knew a young fellow whom she kept formerly, who made the
-offer to her in earnest, and was presently turned off for his pains."
-
-Jones declared he could not venture the experiment. "Perhaps," said
-he, "she may be less shocked at this proposal from one man than from
-another. And if she should take me at my word, where am I then?
-caught, in my own trap, and undone for ever." "No;" answered
-Nightingale, "not if I can give you an expedient by which you may at
-any time get out of the trap."----"What expedient can that be?"
-replied Jones. "This," answered Nightingale. "The young fellow I
-mentioned, who is one of the most intimate acquaintances I have in the
-world, is so angry with her for some ill offices she hath since done
-him, that I am sure he would, without any difficulty, give you a sight
-of her letters; upon which you may decently break with her; and
-declare off before the knot is tyed, if she should really be willing
-to tie it, which I am convinced she will not."
-
-After some hesitation, Jones, upon the strength of this assurance,
-consented; but, as he swore he wanted the confidence to propose the
-matter to her face, he wrote the following letter, which Nightingale
-dictated:--
-
-  "MADAM,
-
-  "I am extremely concerned, that, by an unfortunate engagement
-  abroad, I should have missed receiving the honour of your ladyship's
-  commands the moment they came; and the delay which I must now suffer
-  of vindicating myself to your ladyship greatly adds to this
-  misfortune. O, Lady Bellaston! what a terror have I been in for fear
-  your reputation should be exposed by these perverse accidents! There
-  is one only way to secure it. I need not name what that is. Only
-  permit me to say, that as your honour is as dear to me as my own, so
-  my sole ambition is to have the glory of laying my liberty at your
-  feet; and believe me when I assure you, I can never be made
-  completely happy without you generously bestow on me a legal right
-  of calling you mine for ever.--I am,
-
-      madam,
-         with most profound respect,
-              your ladyship's most obliged,
-                   obedient, humble servant,
-                                      THOMAS JONES."
-
-To this she presently returned the following answer:
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "When I read over your serious epistle, I could, from its coldness
-  and formality, have sworn that you already had the legal right you
-  mention; nay, that we had for many years composed that monstrous
-  animal a husband and wife. Do you really then imagine me a fool? or
-  do you fancy yourself capable of so entirely persuading me out of my
-  senses, that I should deliver my whole fortune into your power, in
-  order to enable you to support your pleasures at my expense? Are
-  these the proofs of love which I expected? Is this the return for--?
-  but I scorn to upbraid you, and am in great admiration of your
-  profound respect.
-
-  "P.S. I am prevented from revising:----Perhaps I have said more than
-  I meant.----Come to me at eight this evening."
-
-Jones, by the advice of his privy-council, replied:
-
-  "MADAM,
-
-  "It is impossible to express how much I am shocked at the suspicion
-  you entertain of me. Can Lady Bellaston have conferred favours on a
-  man whom she could believe capable of so base a design? or can she
-  treat the most solemn tie of love with contempt? Can you imagine,
-  madam, that if the violence of my passion, in an unguarded moment,
-  overcame the tenderness which I have for your honour, I would think
-  of indulging myself in the continuance of an intercourse which could
-  not possibly escape long the notice of the world; and which, when
-  discovered, must prove so fatal to your reputation? If such be your
-  opinion of me, I must pray for a sudden opportunity of returning
-  those pecuniary obligations, which I have been so unfortunate to
-  receive at your hands; and for those of a more tender kind, I shall
-  ever remain, &c." And so concluded in the very words with which he
-  had concluded the former letter.
-
-The lady answered as follows:
-
-  "I see you are a villain! and I despise you from my soul. If you
-  come here I shall not be at home."
-
-Though Jones was well satisfied with his deliverance from a thraldom
-which those who have ever experienced it will, I apprehend, allow to
-be none of the lightest, he was not, however, perfectly easy in his
-mind. There was in this scheme too much of fallacy to satisfy one who
-utterly detested every species of falshood or dishonesty: nor would
-he, indeed, have submitted to put it in practice, had he not been
-involved in a distressful situation, where he was obliged to be guilty
-of some dishonour, either to the one lady or the other; and surely the
-reader will allow, that every good principle, as well as love, pleaded
-strongly in favour of Sophia.
-
-Nightingale highly exulted in the success of his stratagem, upon which
-he received many thanks and much applause from his friend. He
-answered, "Dear Tom, we have conferred very different obligations on
-each other. To me you owe the regaining your liberty; to you I owe the
-loss of mine. But if you are as happy in the one instance as I am in
-the other, I promise you we are the two happiest fellows in England."
-
-The two gentlemen were now summoned down to dinner, where Mrs Miller,
-who performed herself the office of cook, had exerted her best talents
-to celebrate the wedding of her daughter. This joyful circumstance she
-ascribed principally to the friendly behaviour of Jones, her whole
-soul was fired with gratitude towards him, and all her looks, words,
-and actions, were so busied in expressing it, that her daughter, and
-even her new son-in-law, were very little objects of her
-consideration.
-
-Dinner was just ended when Mrs Miller received a letter; but as we
-have had letters enow in this chapter, we shall communicate its
-contents in our next.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-Consisting partly of facts, and partly of observations upon them.
-
-
-The letter then which arrived at the end of the preceding chapter was
-from Mr Allworthy, and the purport of it was, his intention to come
-immediately to town, with his nephew Blifil, and a desire to be
-accommodated with his usual lodgings, which were the first floor for
-himself, and the second for his nephew.
-
-The chearfulness which had before displayed itself in the countenance
-of the poor woman was a little clouded on this occasion. This news did
-indeed a good deal disconcert her. To requite so disinterested a match
-with her daughter, by presently turning her new son-in-law out of
-doors, appeared to her very unjustifiable on the one hand; and on the
-other, she could scarce bear the thoughts of making any excuse to Mr
-Allworthy, after all the obligations received from him, for depriving
-him of lodgings which were indeed strictly his due; for that
-gentleman, in conferring all his numberless benefits on others, acted
-by a rule diametrically opposite to what is practised by most generous
-people. He contrived, on all occasions, to hide his beneficence, not
-only from the world, but even from the object of it. He constantly
-used the words Lend and Pay, instead of Give; and by every other
-method he could invent, always lessened with his tongue the favours he
-conferred, while he was heaping them with both his hands. When he
-settled the annuity of £50 a year therefore on Mrs Miller, he told
-her, "it was in consideration of always having her first-floor when he
-was in town (which he scarce ever intended to be), but that she might
-let it at any other time, for that he would always send her a month's
-warning." He was now, however, hurried to town so suddenly, that he
-had no opportunity of giving such notice; and this hurry probably
-prevented him, when he wrote for his lodgings, adding, if they were
-then empty; for he would most certainly have been well satisfied to
-have relinquished them, on a less sufficient excuse than what Mrs
-Miller could now have made.
-
-But there are a sort of persons, who, as Prior excellently well
-remarks, direct their conduct by something
-
-      Beyond the fix'd and settled rules
-      Of vice and virtue in the schools,
-      Beyond the letter of the law.
-
-To these it is so far from being sufficient that their defence would
-acquit them at the Old Bailey, that they are not even contented,
-though conscience, the severest of all judges, should discharge them.
-Nothing short of the fair and honourable will satisfy the delicacy of
-their minds; and if any of their actions fall short of this mark, they
-mope and pine, are as uneasy and restless as a murderer, who is afraid
-of a ghost, or of the hangman.
-
-Mrs Miller was one of these. She could not conceal her uneasiness at
-this letter; with the contents of which she had no sooner acquainted
-the company, and given some hints of her distress, than Jones, her
-good angel, presently relieved her anxiety. "As for myself, madam,"
-said he, "my lodging is at your service at a moment's warning; and Mr
-Nightingale, I am sure, as he cannot yet prepare a house fit to
-receive his lady, will consent to return to his new lodging, whither
-Mrs Nightingale will certainly consent to go." With which proposal
-both husband and wife instantly agreed.
-
-The reader will easily believe, that the cheeks of Mrs Miller began
-again to glow with additional gratitude to Jones; but, perhaps, it may
-be more difficult to persuade him, that Mr Jones having in his last
-speech called her daughter Mrs Nightingale (it being the first time
-that agreeable sound had ever reached her ears), gave the fond mother
-more satisfaction, and warmed her heart more towards Jones, than his
-having dissipated her present anxiety.
-
-The next day was then appointed for the removal of the new-married
-couple, and of Mr Jones, who was likewise to be provided for in the
-same house with his friend. And now the serenity of the company was
-again restored, and they past the day in the utmost chearfulness, all
-except Jones, who, though he outwardly accompanied the rest in their
-mirth, felt many a bitter pang on the account of his Sophia, which
-were not a little heightened by the news of Mr Blifil's coming to town
-(for he clearly saw the intention of his journey); and what greatly
-aggravated his concern was, that Mrs Honour, who had promised to
-inquire after Sophia, and to make her report to him early the next
-evening, had disappointed him.
-
-In the situation that he and his mistress were in at this time, there
-were scarce any grounds for him to hope that he should hear any good
-news; yet he was as impatient to see Mrs Honour as if he had expected
-she would bring him a letter with an assignation in it from Sophia,
-and bore the disappointment as ill. Whether this impatience arose from
-that natural weakness of the human mind, which makes it desirous to
-know the worst, and renders uncertainty the most intolerable of pains;
-or whether he still flattered himself with some secret hopes, we will
-not determine. But that it might be the last, whoever has loved cannot
-but know. For of all the powers exercised by this passion over our
-minds, one of the most wonderful is that of supporting hope in the
-midst of despair. Difficulties, improbabilities, nay, impossibilities,
-are quite overlooked by it; so that to any man extremely in love, may
-be applied what Addison says of Caesar,
-
-      "The Alps, and Pyrenaeans, sink before him!"
-
-Yet it is equally true, that the same passion will sometimes make
-mountains of molehills, and produce despair in the midst of hope; but
-these cold fits last not long in good constitutions. Which temper
-Jones was now in, we leave the reader to guess, having no exact
-information about it; but this is certain, that he had spent two hours
-in expectation, when, being unable any longer to conceal his
-uneasiness, he retired to his room; where his anxiety had almost made
-him frantick, when the following letter was brought him from Mrs
-Honour, with which we shall present the reader _verbatim et
-literatim._
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "I shud sartenly haf kaled on you a cordin too mi prommiss haddunt
-  itt bin that hur lashipp prevent mee; for to bee sur, Sir, you nose
-  very well that evere persun must luk furst at ome, and sartenly such
-  anuther offar mite not have ever hapned, so as I shud ave bin justly
-  to blam, had I not excepted of it when her lashipp was so veri kind
-  as to offar to mak mee hur one uman without mi ever askin any such
-  thing, to be sur shee is won of thee best ladis in thee wurld, and
-  pepil who sase to the kontrari must bee veri wiket pepil in thare
-  harts. To bee sur if ever I ave sad any thing of that kine it as bin
-  thru ignorens, and I am hartili sorri for it. I nose your onur to be
-  a genteelman of more onur and onesty, if I ever said ani such thing,
-  to repete it to hurt a pore servant that as alwais add thee gratest
-  respect in thee wurld for ure onur. To be sur won shud kepe wons
-  tung within wons teeth, for no boddi nose what may hapen; and to bee
-  sur if ani boddi ad tolde mee yesterday, that I shud haf bin in so
-  gud a plase to day, I shud not haf beleeved it; for to be sur I
-  never was a dremd of any such thing, nor shud I ever have soft after
-  ani other bodi's plase; but as her lashipp wass so kine of her one a
-  cord too give it mee without askin, to be sur Mrs Etoff herself, nor
-  no other boddi can blam mee for exceptin such a thing when it fals
-  in mi waye. I beg ure Onur not to menshion ani thing of what I haf
-  sad, for I wish ure Onur all thee gud luk in the wurld; and I don't
-  cuestion butt thatt u will haf Madam Sofia in the end; butt ass to
-  miself ure onur nose I kant bee of ani farder sarvis to u in that
-  matar, nou bein under thee cumand off anuther parson, and nott mi
-  one mistress, I begg ure Onur to say nothing of what past, and
-  belive me to be, sir, ure Onur's umble servant to cumand till deth,
-
-                                   "HONOUR BLACKMORE."
-
-Various were the conjectures which Jones entertained on this step of
-Lady Bellaston; who, in reality, had little farther design than to
-secure within her own house the repository of a secret, which she
-chose should make no farther progress than it had made already; but
-mostly, she desired to keep it from the ears of Sophia; for though
-that young lady was almost the only one who would never have repeated
-it again, her ladyship could not persuade herself of this; since, as
-she now hated poor Sophia with most implacable hatred, she conceived a
-reciprocal hatred to herself to be lodged in the tender breast of our
-heroine, where no such passion had ever yet found an entrance.
-
-While Jones was terrifying himself with the apprehension of a thousand
-dreadful machinations, and deep political designs, which he imagined
-to be at the bottom of the promotion of Honour, Fortune, who hitherto
-seems to have been an utter enemy to his match with Sophia, tried a
-new method to put a final end to it, by throwing a temptation in his
-way, which in his present desperate situation it seemed unlikely he
-should be able to resist.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-Containing curious, but not unprecedented matter.
-
-
-There was a lady, one Mrs Hunt, who had often seen Jones at the house
-where he lodged, being intimately acquainted with the women there, and
-indeed a very great friend to Mrs Miller. Her age was about thirty,
-for she owned six-and-twenty; her face and person very good, only
-inclining a little too much to be fat. She had been married young by
-her relations to an old Turkey merchant, who, having got a great
-fortune, had left off trade. With him she lived without reproach, but
-not without pain, in a state of great self-denial, for about twelve
-years; and her virtue was rewarded by his dying and leaving her very
-rich. The first year of her widowhood was just at an end, and she had
-past it in a good deal of retirement, seeing only a few particular
-friends, and dividing her time between her devotions and novels, of
-which she was always extremely fond. Very good health, a very warm
-constitution, and a good deal of religion, made it absolutely
-necessary for her to marry again; and she resolved to please herself
-in her second husband, as she had done her friends in the first. From
-her the following billet was brought to Jones:--
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "From the first day I saw you, I doubt my eyes have told you too
-  plainly that you were not indifferent to me; but neither my tongue
-  nor my hand should have ever avowed it, had not the ladies of the
-  family where you are lodged given me such a character of you, and
-  told me such proofs of your virtue and goodness, as convince me you
-  are not only the most agreeable, but the most worthy of men. I have
-  also the satisfaction to hear from them, that neither my person,
-  understanding, or character, are disagreeable to you. I have a
-  fortune sufficient to make us both happy, but which cannot make me
-  so without you. In thus disposing of myself, I know I shall incur
-  the censure of the world; but if I did not love you more than I fear
-  the world, I should not be worthy of you. One only difficulty stops
-  me: I am informed you are engaged in a commerce of gallantry with a
-  woman of fashion. If you think it worth while to sacrifice that to
-  the possession of me, I am yours; if not, forget my weakness, and
-  let this remain an eternal secret between you and
-
-                                   "ARABELLA HUNT."
-
-At the reading of this, Jones was put into a violent flutter. His
-fortune was then at a very low ebb, the source being stopt from which
-hitherto he had been supplied. Of all he had received from Lady
-Bellaston, not above five guineas remained; and that very morning he
-had been dunned by a tradesman for twice that sum. His honourable
-mistress was in the hands of her father, and he had scarce any hopes
-ever to get her out of them again. To be subsisted at her expense,
-from that little fortune she had independent of her father, went much
-against the delicacy both of his pride and his love. This lady's
-fortune would have been exceeding convenient to him, and he could have
-no objection to her in any respect. On the contrary, he liked her as
-well as he did any woman except Sophia. But to abandon Sophia, and
-marry another, that was impossible; he could not think of it upon any
-account, Yet why should he not, since it was plain she could not be
-his? Would it not be kinder to her, than to continue her longer
-engaged in a hopeless passion for him? Ought he not to do so in
-friendship to her? This notion prevailed some moments, and he had
-almost determined to be false to her from a high point of honour: but
-that refinement was not able to stand very long against the voice of
-nature, which cried in his heart that such friendship was treason to
-love. At last he called for pen, ink, and paper, and writ as follows
-to Mrs Hunt:--
-
-  "MADAM,
-
-  "It would be but a poor return to the favour you have done me to
-  sacrifice any gallantry to the possession of you, and I would
-  certainly do it, though I were not disengaged, as at present I am,
-  from any affair of that kind. But I should not be the honest man you
-  think me, if I did not tell you that my affections are engaged to
-  another, who is a woman of virtue, and one that I never can leave,
-  though it is probable I shall never possess her. God forbid that, in
-  return of your kindness to me, I should do you such an injury as to
-  give you my hand when I cannot give my heart. No; I had much rather
-  starve than be guilty of that. Even though my mistress were married
-  to another, I would not marry you unless my heart had entirely
-  effaced all impressions of her. Be assured that your secret was not
-  more safe in your own breast, than in that of your most obliged, and
-  grateful humble servant,
-
-                                      "T. JONES."
-
-When our heroe had finished and sent this letter, he went to his
-scrutore, took out Miss Western's muff, kissed it several times, and
-then strutted some turns about his room, with more satisfaction of
-mind than ever any Irishman felt in carrying off a fortune of fifty
-thousand pounds.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-A discovery made by Partridge.
-
-
-While Jones was exulting in the consciousness of his integrity,
-Partridge came capering into the room, as was his custom when he
-brought, or fancied he brought, any good tidings. He had been
-despatched that morning by his master, with orders to endeavour, by
-the servants of Lady Bellaston, or by any other means, to discover
-whither Sophia had been conveyed; and he now returned, and with a
-joyful countenance told our heroe that he had found the lost bird. "I
-have seen, sir," says he, "Black George, the gamekeeper, who is one of
-the servants whom the squire hath brought with him to town. I knew him
-presently, though I have not seen him these several years; but you
-know, sir, he is a very remarkable man, or, to use a purer phrase, he
-hath a most remarkable beard, the largest and blackest I ever saw. It
-was some time, however, before Black George could recollect me."
-"Well, but what is your good news?" cries Jones; "what do you know of
-my Sophia?" "You shall know presently, sir," answered Partridge, "I am
-coming to it as fast as I can. You are so impatient, sir, you would
-come at the infinitive mood before you can get to the imperative. As I
-was saying, sir, it was some time before he recollected my
-face."--"Confound your face!" cries Jones, "what of my Sophia?" "Nay,
-sir," answered Partridge, "I know nothing more of Madam Sophia than
-what I am going to tell you; and I should have told you all before
-this if you had not interrupted me; but if you look so angry at me you
-will frighten all of it out of my head, or, to use a purer phrase, out
-of my memory. I never saw you look so angry since the day we left
-Upton, which I shall remember if I was to live a thousand
-years."--"Well, pray go on your own way," said Jones: "you are
-resolved to make me mad I find." "Not for the world," answered
-Partridge, "I have suffered enough for that already; which, as I said,
-I shall bear in my remembrance the longest day I have to live." "Well,
-but Black George?" cries Jones. "Well, sir, as I was saying, it was a
-long time before he could recollect me; for, indeed, I am very much
-altered since I saw him. _Non sum qualis eram._ I have had troubles in
-the world, and nothing alters a man so much as grief. I have heard it
-will change the colour of a man's hair in a night. However, at last,
-know me he did, that's sure enough; for we are both of an age, and
-were at the same charity school. George was a great dunce, but no
-matter for that; all men do not thrive in the world according to their
-learning. I am sure I have reason to say so; but it will be all one a
-thousand years hence. Well, sir, where was I?--O--well, we no sooner
-knew each other, than, after many hearty shakes by the hand, we agreed
-to go to an alehouse and take a pot, and by good luck the beer was
-some of the best I have met with since I have been in town. Now, sir,
-I am coming to the point; for no sooner did I name you, and told him
-that you and I came to town together, and had lived together ever
-since, than he called for another pot, and swore he would drink to
-your health; and indeed he drank your health so heartily that I was
-overjoyed to see there was so much gratitude left in the world; and
-after we had emptied that pot I said I would buy my pot too, and so we
-drank another to your health; and then I made haste home to tell you
-the news."
-
-"What news?" cries Jones, "you have not mentioned a word of my
-Sophia!" "Bless me! I had like to have forgot that. Indeed, we
-mentioned a great deal about young Madam Western, and George told me
-all; that Mr Blifil is coming to town in order to be married to her.
-He had best make haste then, says I, or somebody will have her before
-he comes; and, indeed, says I, Mr Seagrim, it is a thousand pities
-somebody should not have her; for he certainly loves her above all the
-women in the world. I would have both you and she know, that it is not
-for her fortune he follows her; for I can assure you, as to matter of
-that, there is another lady, one of much greater quality and fortune
-than she can pretend to, who is so fond of somebody that she comes
-after him day and night."
-
-Here Jones fell into a passion with Partridge, for having, as he said,
-betrayed him; but the poor fellow answered, he had mentioned no name:
-"Besides, sir," said he, "I can assure you George is sincerely your
-friend, and wished Mr Blifil at the devil more than once; nay, he said
-he would do anything in his power upon earth to serve you; and so I am
-convinced he will. Betray you, indeed! why, I question whether you
-have a better friend than George upon earth, except myself, or one
-that would go farther to serve you."
-
-"Well," says Jones, a little pacified, "you say this fellow, who, I
-believe, indeed, is enough inclined to be my friend, lives in the same
-house with Sophia?"
-
-"In the same house!" answered Partridge; "why, sir, he is one of the
-servants of the family, and very well drest I promise you he is; if it
-was not for his black beard you would hardly know him."
-
-"One service then at least he may do me," says Jones: "sure he can
-certainly convey a letter to my Sophia."
-
-"You have hit the nail _ad unguem_" cries Partridge; "how came I not
-to think of it? I will engage he shall do it upon the very first
-mentioning."
-
-"Well, then," said Jones, "do you leave me at present, and I will
-write a letter, which you shall deliver to him to-morrow morning; for
-I suppose you know where to find him."
-
-"O yes, sir," answered Partridge, "I shall certainly find him again;
-there is no fear of that. The liquor is too good for him to stay away
-long. I make no doubt but he will be there every day he stays in
-town."
-
-"So you don't know the street then where my Sophia is lodged?" cries
-Jones.
-
-"Indeed, sir, I do," says Partridge.
-
-"What is the name of the street?" cries Jones.
-
-"The name, sir? why, here, sir, just by," answered Partridge, "not
-above a street or two off. I don't, indeed, know the very name; for,
-as he never told me, if I had asked, you know, it might have put some
-suspicion into his head. No, no, sir, let me alone for that. I am too
-cunning for that, I promise you."
-
-"Thou art most wonderfully cunning, indeed," replied Jones; "however,
-I will write to my charmer, since I believe you will be cunning enough
-to find him to-morrow at the alehouse."
-
-And now, having dismissed the sagacious Partridge, Mr Jones sat
-himself down to write, in which employment we shall leave him for a
-time. And here we put an end to the fifteenth book.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XVI.
-
-CONTAINING THE SPACE OF FIVE DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Of prologues.
-
-
-I have heard of a dramatic writer who used to say, he would rather
-write a play than a prologue; in like manner, I think, I can with less
-pains write one of the books of this history than the prefatory
-chapter to each of them.
-
-To say the truth, I believe many a hearty curse hath been devoted on
-the head of that author who first instituted the method of prefixing
-to his play that portion of matter which is called the prologue; and
-which at first was part of the piece itself, but of latter years hath
-had usually so little connexion with the drama before which it stands,
-that the prologue to one play might as well serve for any other. Those
-indeed of more modern date, seem all to be written on the same three
-topics, viz., an abuse of the taste of the town, a condemnation of all
-contemporary authors, and an eulogium on the performance just about to
-be represented. The sentiments in all these are very little varied,
-nor is it possible they should; and indeed I have often wondered at
-the great invention of authors, who have been capable of finding such
-various phrases to express the same thing.
-
-In like manner I apprehend, some future historian (if any one shall do
-me the honour of imitating my manner) will, after much scratching his
-pate, bestow some good wishes on my memory, for having first
-established these several initial chapters; most of which, like modern
-prologues, may as properly be prefixed to any other book in this
-history as to that which they introduce, or indeed to any other
-history as to this.
-
-But however authors may suffer by either of these inventions, the
-reader will find sufficient emolument in the one as the spectator hath
-long found in the other.
-
-First, it is well known that the prologue serves the critic for an
-opportunity to try his faculty of hissing, and to tune his cat-call to
-the best advantage; by which means, I have known those musical
-instruments so well prepared, that they have been able to play in full
-concert at the first rising of the curtain.
-
-The same advantages may be drawn from these chapters, in which the
-critic will be always sure of meeting with something that may serve as
-a whetstone to his noble spirit; so that he may fall with a more
-hungry appetite for censure on the history itself. And here his
-sagacity must make it needless to observe how artfully these chapters
-are calculated for that excellent purpose; for in these we have always
-taken care to intersperse somewhat of the sour or acid kind, in order
-to sharpen and stimulate the said spirit of criticism.
-
-Again, the indolent reader, as well as spectator, finds great
-advantage from both these; for, as they are not obliged either to see
-the one or read the others, and both the play and the book are thus
-protracted, by the former they have a quarter of an hour longer
-allowed them to sit at dinner, and by the latter they have the
-advantage of beginning to read at the fourth or fifth page instead of
-the first, a matter by no means of trivial consequence to persons who
-read books with no other view than to say they have read them, a more
-general motive to reading than is commonly imagined; and from which
-not only law books, and good books, but the pages of Homer and Virgil,
-of Swift and Cervantes, have been often turned over.
-
-Many other are the emoluments which arise from both these, but they
-are for the most part so obvious, that we shall not at present stay to
-enumerate them; especially since it occurs to us that the principal
-merit of both the prologue and the preface is that they be short.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-A whimsical adventure which befel the squire, with the distressed
-situation of Sophia.
-
-
-We must now convey the reader to Mr Western's lodgings, which were in
-Piccadilly, where he was placed by the recommendation of the landlord
-at the Hercules Pillars at Hyde Park Corner; for at the inn, which was
-the first he saw on his arrival in town, he placed his horses, and in
-those lodgings, which were the first he heard of, he deposited
-himself.
-
-Here, when Sophia alighted from the hackney-coach, which brought her
-from the house of Lady Bellaston, she desired to retire to the
-apartment provided for her; to which her father very readily agreed,
-and whither he attended her himself. A short dialogue, neither very
-material nor pleasant to relate minutely, then passed between them, in
-which he pressed her vehemently to give her consent to the marriage
-with Blifil, who, as he acquainted her, was to be in town in a few
-days; but, instead of complying, she gave a more peremptory and
-resolute refusal than she had ever done before. This so incensed her
-father, that after many bitter vows, that he would force her to have
-him whether she would or no, he departed from her with many hard words
-and curses, locked the door, and put the key into his pocket.
-
-While Sophia was left with no other company than what attend the
-closest state prisoner, namely, fire and candle, the squire sat down
-to regale himself over a bottle of wine, with his parson and the
-landlord of the Hercules Pillars, who, as the squire said, would make
-an excellent third man, and could inform them of the news of the town,
-and how affairs went; for to be sure, says he, he knows a great deal,
-since the horses of many of the quality stand at his house.
-
-In this agreeable society Mr Western past that evening and great part
-of the succeeding day, during which period nothing happened of
-sufficient consequence to find a place in this history. All this time
-Sophia past by herself; for her father swore she should never come out
-of her chamber alive, unless she first consented to marry Blifil; nor
-did he ever suffer the door to be unlocked, unless to convey her food,
-on which occasions he always attended himself.
-
-The second morning after his arrival, while he and the parson were at
-breakfast together on a toast and tankard, he was informed that a
-gentleman was below to wait on him.
-
-"A gentleman!" quoth the squire, "who the devil can he be? Do, doctor,
-go down and see who 'tis. Mr Blifil can hardly be come to town
-yet.--Go down, do, and know what his business is."
-
-The doctor returned with an account that it was a very well-drest man,
-and by the ribbon in his hat he took him for an officer of the army;
-that he said he had some particular business, which he could deliver
-to none but Mr Western himself.
-
-"An officer!" cries the squire; "what can any such fellow have to do
-with me? If he wants an order for baggage-waggons, I am no justice of
-peace here, nor can I grant a warrant.--Let un come up then, if he
-must speak to me."
-
-A very genteel man now entered the room; who, having made his
-compliments to the squire, and desired the favour of being alone with
-him, delivered himself as follows:--
-
-"Sir, I come to wait upon you by the command of my Lord Fellamar; but
-with a very different message from what I suppose you expect, after
-what past the other night."
-
-"My lord who?" cries the squire; "I never heard the name o'un."
-
-"His lordship," said the gentleman, "is willing to impute everything
-to the effect of liquor, and the most trifling acknowledgment of that
-kind will set everything right; for as he hath the most violent
-attachment to your daughter, you, sir, are the last person upon earth
-from whom he would resent an affront; and happy is it for you both
-that he hath given such public demonstrations of his courage as to be
-able to put up an affair of this kind without danger of any imputation
-on his honour. All he desires, therefore, is, that you will before me
-make some acknowledgment; the slightest in the world will be
-sufficient; and he intends this afternoon to pay his respects to you,
-in order to obtain your leave of visiting the young lady on the
-footing of a lover."
-
-"I don't understand much of what you say, sir," said the squire; "but
-I suppose, by what you talk about my daughter, that this is the lord
-which my cousin, Lady Bellaston, mentioned to me, and said something
-about his courting my daughter. If so be that how that be the
-case--you may give my service to his lordship, and tell un the girl is
-disposed of already."
-
-"Perhaps, sir," said the gentleman, "you are not sufficiently apprized
-of the greatness of this offer. I believe such a person, title, and
-fortune would be nowhere refused."
-
-"Lookee, sir," answered the squire; "to be very plain, my daughter is
-bespoke already; but if she was not, I would not marry her to a lord
-upon any account; I hate all lords; they are a parcel of courtiers and
-Hanoverians, and I will have nothing to do with them."
-
-"Well, sir," said the gentleman, "if that is your resolution, the
-message I am to deliver to you is that my lord desires the favour of
-your company this morning in Hyde Park."
-
-"You may tell my lord," answered the squire, "that I am busy and
-cannot come. I have enough to look after at home, and can't stir
-abroad on any account."
-
-"I am sure, sir," quoth the other, "you are too much a gentleman to
-send such a message; you will not, I am convinced, have it said of
-you, that, after having affronted a noble peer, you refuse him
-satisfaction. His lordship would have been willing, from his great
-regard to the young lady, to have made up matters in another way; but
-unless he is to look on you as a father, his honour will not suffer
-his putting up such an indignity as you must be sensible you offered
-him."
-
-"I offered him!" cries the squire; "it is a d--n'd lie! I never
-offered him anything."
-
-Upon these words the gentleman returned a very short verbal rebuke,
-and this he accompanied at the same time with some manual
-remonstrances, which no sooner reached the ears of Mr Western, than
-that worthy squire began to caper very briskly about the room,
-bellowing at the same time with all his might, as if desirous to
-summon a greater number of spectators to behold his agility.
-
-The parson, who had left great part of the tankard unfinished, was not
-retired far; he immediately attended therefore on the squire's
-vociferation, crying, "Bless me! sir, what's the matter?"--"Matter!"
-quoth the squire, "here's a highwayman, I believe, who wants to rob
-and murder me--for he hath fallen upon me with that stick there in his
-hand, when I wish I may be d--n'd if I gid un the least provocation."
-
-"How, sir," said the captain, "did you not tell me I lyed?"
-
-"No, as I hope to be saved," answered the squire, "--I believe I might
-say, 'Twas a lie that I had offered any affront to my lord--but I
-never said the word, `you lie.'--I understand myself better, and you
-might have understood yourself better than to fall upon a naked man.
-If I had a stick in my hand, you would not have dared strike me. I'd
-have knocked thy lantern jaws about thy ears. Come down into yard this
-minute, and I'll take a bout with thee at single stick for a broken
-head, that I will; or I will go into naked room and box thee for a
-belly-full. At unt half a man, at unt, I'm sure."
-
-The captain, with some indignation, replied, "I see, sir, you are
-below my notice, and I shall inform his lordship you are below his. I
-am sorry I have dirtied my fingers with you." At which words he
-withdrew, the parson interposing to prevent the squire from stopping
-him, in which he easily prevailed, as the other, though he made some
-efforts for the purpose, did not seem very violently bent on success.
-However, when the captain was departed, the squire sent many curses
-and some menaces after him; but as these did not set out from his lips
-till the officer was at the bottom of the stairs, and grew louder and
-louder as he was more and more remote, they did not reach his ears, or
-at least did not retard his departure.
-
-Poor Sophia, however, who, in her prison, heard all her father's
-outcries from first to last, began now first to thunder with her foot,
-and afterwards to scream as loudly as the old gentleman himself had
-done before, though in a much sweeter voice. These screams soon
-silenced the squire, and turned all his consideration towards his
-daughter, whom he loved so tenderly, that the least apprehension of
-any harm happening to her, threw him presently into agonies; for,
-except in that single instance in which the whole future happiness of
-her life was concerned, she was sovereign mistress of his
-inclinations.
-
-Having ended his rage against the captain, with swearing he would take
-the law of him, the squire now mounted upstairs to Sophia, whom, as
-soon as he had unlocked and opened the door, he found all pale and
-breathless. The moment, however, that she saw her father, she
-collected all her spirits, and, catching him hold by the hand, she
-cryed passionately, "O my dear sir, I am almost frightened to death! I
-hope to heaven no harm hath happened to you." "No, no," cries the
-squire, "no great harm. The rascal hath not hurt me much, but rat me
-if I don't ha the la o' un." "Pray, dear sir," says she, "tell me
-what's the matter; who is it that hath insulted you?" "I don't know
-the name o' un," answered Western; "some officer fellow, I suppose,
-that we are to pay for beating us; but I'll make him pay this bout, if
-the rascal hath got anything, which I suppose he hath not. For thof he
-was drest out so vine, I question whether he had got a voot of land in
-the world." "But, dear sir," cries she, "what was the occasion of your
-quarrel?" "What should it be, Sophy," answered the squire, "but about
-you, Sophy? All my misfortunes are about you; you will be the death of
-your poor father at last. Here's a varlet of a lord, the Lord knows
-who, forsooth! who hath a taan a liking to you, and because I would
-not gi un my consent, he sent me a kallenge. Come, do be a good girl,
-Sophy, and put an end to all your father's troubles; come, do consent
-to ha un; he will be in town within this day or two; do but promise me
-to marry un as soon as he comes, and you will make me the happiest man
-in the world, and I will make you the happiest woman; you shall have
-the finest cloaths in London, and the finest jewels, and a coach and
-six at your command. I promised Allworthy already to give up half my
-estate--od rabbet it! I should hardly stick at giving up the whole."
-"Will my papa be so kind," says she, "as to hear me speak?"--"Why wout
-ask, Sophy?" cries he, "when dost know I had rather hear thy voice
-than the musick of the best pack of dogs in England.--Hear thee, my
-dear little girl! I hope I shall hear thee as long as I live; for if I
-was ever to lose that pleasure, I would not gee a brass varden to live
-a moment longer. Indeed, Sophy, you do not know how I love you, indeed
-you don't, or you never could have run away and left your poor father,
-who hath no other joy, no other comfort upon earth, but his little
-Sophy." At these words the tears stood in his eyes; and Sophia (with
-the tears streaming from hers) answered, "Indeed, my dear papa, I know
-you have loved me tenderly, and heaven is my witness how sincerely I
-have returned your affection; nor could anything but an apprehension
-of being forced into the arms of this man have driven me to run from a
-father whom I love so passionately, that I would, with pleasure,
-sacrifice my life to his happiness; nay, I have endeavoured to reason
-myself into doing more, and had almost worked up a resolution to
-endure the most miserable of all lives, to comply with your
-inclination. It was that resolution alone to which I could not force
-my mind; nor can I ever." Here the squire began to look wild, and the
-foam appeared at his lips, which Sophia, observing, begged to be heard
-out, and then proceeded: "If my father's life, his health, or any real
-happiness of his was at stake, here stands your resolved daughter; may
-heaven blast me if there is a misery I would not suffer to preserve
-you!--No, that most detested, most loathsome of all lots would I
-embrace. I would give my hand to Blifil for your sake."--"I tell thee,
-it will preserve me," answers the father; "it will give me health,
-happiness, life, everything.--Upon my soul I shall die if dost refuse
-me; I shall break my heart, I shall, upon my soul."--"Is it possible,"
-says she, "you can have such a desire to make me miserable?"--"I tell
-thee noa," answered he loudly, "d--n me if there is a thing upon earth
-I would not do to see thee happy."--"And will not my dear papa allow
-me to have the least knowledge of what will make me so? If it be true
-that happiness consists in opinion, what must be my condition, when I
-shall think myself the most miserable of all the wretches upon earth?"
-"Better think yourself so," said he, "than know it by being married to
-a poor bastardly vagabond." "If it will content you, sir," said
-Sophia, "I will give you the most solemn promise never to marry him,
-nor any other, while my papa lives, without his consent. Let me
-dedicate my whole life to your service; let me be again your poor
-Sophy, and my whole business and pleasure be, as it hath been, to
-please and divert you." "Lookee, Sophy," answered the squire, "I am
-not to be choused in this manner. Your aunt Western would then have
-reason to think me the fool she doth. No, no, Sophy, I'd have you to
-know I have a got more wisdom, and know more of the world, than to
-take the word of a woman in a matter where a man is concerned." "How,
-sir, have I deserved this want of confidence?" said she; "have I ever
-broke a single promise to you? or have I ever been found guilty of a
-falsehood from my cradle?" "Lookee, Sophy," cries he; "that's neither
-here nor there. I am determined upon this match, and have him you
-shall, d--n me if shat unt. D--n me if shat unt, though dost hang
-thyself the next morning." At repeating which words he clinched his
-fist, knit his brows, bit his lips, and thundered so loud, that the
-poor afflicted, terrified Sophia sunk trembling into her chair, and,
-had not a flood of tears come immediately to her relief, perhaps worse
-had followed.
-
-Western beheld the deplorable condition of his daughter with no more
-contrition or remorse than the turnkey of Newgate feels at viewing the
-agonies of a tender wife, when taking her last farewel of her
-condemned husband; or rather he looked down on her with the same
-emotions which arise in an honest fair tradesman, who sees his debtor
-dragged to prison for £10, which, though a just debt, the wretch is
-wickedly unable to pay. Or, to hit the case still more nearly, he felt
-the same compunction with a bawd, when some poor innocent, whom she
-hath ensnared into her hands, falls into fits at the first proposal of
-what is called seeing company. Indeed this resemblance would be exact,
-was it not that the bawd hath an interest in what she doth, and the
-father, though perhaps he may blindly think otherwise, can, in
-reality, have none in urging his daughter to almost an equal
-prostitution.
-
-In this condition he left his poor Sophia, and, departing with a very
-vulgar observation on the effect of tears, he locked the room, and
-returned to the parson, who said everything he durst in behalf of the
-young lady, which, though perhaps it was not quite so much as his duty
-required, yet was it sufficient to throw the squire into a violent
-rage, and into many indecent reflections on the whole body of the
-clergy, which we have too great an honour for that sacred function to
-commit to paper.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-What happened to Sophia during her confinement.
-
-
-The landlady of the house where the squire lodged had begun very early
-to entertain a strange opinion of her guests. However, as she was
-informed that the squire was a man of vast fortune, and as she had
-taken care to exact a very extraordinary price for her rooms, she did
-not think proper to give any offence; for, though she was not without
-some concern for the confinement of poor Sophia, of whose great
-sweetness of temper and affability the maid of the house had made so
-favourable a report, which was confirmed by all the squire's servants,
-yet she had much more concern for her own interest than to provoke
-one, whom, as she said, she perceived to be a very hastish kind of a
-gentleman.
-
-Though Sophia eat but little, yet she was regularly served with her
-meals; indeed, I believe, if she had liked any one rarity, that the
-squire, however angry, would have spared neither pains nor cost to
-have procured it for her; since, however strange it may appear to some
-of my readers, he really doated on his daughter, and to give her any
-kind of pleasure was the highest satisfaction of his life.
-
-The dinner-hour being arrived, Black George carried her up a pullet,
-the squire himself (for he had sworn not to part with the key)
-attending the door. As George deposited the dish, some compliments
-passed between him and Sophia (for he had not seen her since she left
-the country, and she treated every servant with more respect than some
-persons shew to those who are in a very slight degree their
-inferiors). Sophia would have had him take the pullet back, saying,
-she could not eat; but George begged her to try, and particularly
-recommended to her the eggs, of which he said it was full.
-
-All this time the squire was waiting at the door; but George was a
-great favourite with his master, as his employment was in concerns of
-the highest nature, namely, about the game, and was accustomed to take
-many liberties. He had officiously carried up the dinner, being, as he
-said, very desirous to see his young lady; he made therefore no
-scruple of keeping his master standing above ten minutes, while
-civilities were passing between him and Sophia, for which he received
-only a good-humoured rebuke at the door when he returned.
-
-The eggs of pullets, partridges, pheasants, &c., were, as George well
-knew, the most favourite dainties of Sophia. It was therefore no
-wonder that he, who was a very good-natured fellow, should take care
-to supply her with this kind of delicacy, at a time when all the
-servants in the house were afraid she would be starved; for she had
-scarce swallowed a single morsel in the last forty hours.
-
-Though vexation hath not the same effect on all persons as it usually
-hath on a widow, whose appetite it often renders sharper than it can
-be rendered by the air on Bansted Downs, or Salisbury Plain; yet the
-sublimest grief, notwithstanding what some people may say to the
-contrary, will eat at last. And Sophia, herself, after some little
-consideration, began to dissect the fowl, which she found to be as
-full of eggs as George had reported it.
-
-But, if she was pleased with these, it contained something which would
-have delighted the Royal Society much more; for if a fowl with three
-legs be so invaluable a curiosity, when perhaps time hath produced a
-thousand such, at what price shall we esteem a bird which so totally
-contradicts all the laws of animal oeconomy, as to contain a letter in
-its belly? Ovid tells us of a flower into which Hyacinthus was
-metamorphosed, that bears letters on its leaves, which Virgil
-recommended as a miracle to the Royal Society of his day; but no age
-nor nation hath ever recorded a bird with a letter in its maw.
-
-But though a miracle of this kind might have engaged all the
-_Académies des Sciences_ in Europe, and perhaps in a fruitless
-enquiry; yet the reader, by barely recollecting the last dialogue
-which passed between Messieurs Jones and Partridge, will be very
-easily satisfied from whence this letter came, and how it found its
-passage into the fowl.
-
-Sophia, notwithstanding her long fast, and notwithstanding her
-favourite dish was there before her, no sooner saw the letter than she
-immediately snatched it up, tore it open, and read as follows:--
-
-  "MADAM,
-
-  "Was I not sensible to whom I have the honour of writing, I should
-  endeavour, however difficult, to paint the horrors of my mind at the
-  account brought me by Mrs Honour; but as tenderness alone can have
-  any true idea of the pangs which tenderness is capable of feeling,
-  so can this most amiable quality, which my Sophia possesses in the
-  most eminent degree, sufficiently inform her what her Jones must
-  have suffered on this melancholy occasion. Is there a circumstance
-  in the world which can heighten my agonies, when I hear of any
-  misfortune which hath befallen you? Surely there is one only, and
-  with that I am accursed. It is, my Sophia, the dreadful
-  consideration that I am myself the wretched cause. Perhaps I here do
-  myself too much honour, but none will envy me an honour which costs
-  me so extremely dear. Pardon me this presumption, and pardon me a
-  greater still, if I ask you, whether my advice, my assistance, my
-  presence, my absence, my death, or my tortures can bring you any
-  relief? Can the most perfect admiration, the most watchful
-  observance, the most ardent love, the most melting tenderness, the
-  most resigned submission to your will, make you amends for what you
-  are to sacrifice to my happiness? If they can, fly, my lovely angel,
-  to those arms which are ever open to receive and protect you; and to
-  which, whether you bring yourself alone, or the riches of the world
-  with you, is, in my opinion, an alternative not worth regarding. If,
-  on the contrary, wisdom shall predominate, and, on the most mature
-  reflection, inform you, that the sacrifice is too great; and if
-  there be no way left to reconcile your father, and restore the peace
-  of your dear mind, but by abandoning me, I conjure you drive me for
-  ever from your thoughts, exert your resolution, and let no
-  compassion for my sufferings bear the least weight in that tender
-  bosom. Believe me, madam, I so sincerely love you better than
-  myself, that my great and principal end is your happiness. My first
-  wish (why would not fortune indulge me in it?) was, and pardon me if
-  I say, still is, to see you every moment the happiest of women; my
-  second wish is, to hear you are so; but no misery on earth can equal
-  mine, while I think you owe an uneasy moment to him who is,
-
-         Madam,
-             in every sense, and to every purpose,
-                    your devoted,
-                          THOMAS JONES."
-
-What Sophia said, or did, or thought, upon this letter, how often she
-read it, or whether more than once, shall all be left to our reader's
-imagination. The answer to it he may perhaps see hereafter, but not at
-present: for this reason, among others, that she did not now write
-any, and that for several good causes, one of which was this, she had
-no paper, pen, nor ink.
-
-In the evening, while Sophia was meditating on the letter she had
-received, or on something else, a violent noise from below disturbed
-her meditations. This noise was no other than a round bout at
-altercation between two persons. One of the combatants, by his voice,
-she immediately distinguished to be her father; but she did not so
-soon discover the shriller pipes to belong to the organ of her aunt
-Western, who was just arrived in town, where having, by means of one
-of her servants, who stopt at the Hercules Pillars, learned where her
-brother lodged, she drove directly to his lodgings.
-
-We shall therefore take our leave at present of Sophia, and, with our
-usual good-breeding, attend her ladyship.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-In which Sophia is delivered from her confinement.
-
-
-The squire and the parson (for the landlord was now otherwise engaged)
-were smoaking their pipes together, when the arrival of the lady was
-first signified. The squire no sooner heard her name, than he
-immediately ran down to usher her upstairs; for he was a great
-observer of such ceremonials, especially to his sister, of whom he
-stood more in awe than of any other human creature, though he never
-would own this, nor did he perhaps know it himself.
-
-Mrs Western, on her arrival in the dining-room, having flung herself
-into a chair, began thus to harangue: "Well, surely, no one ever had
-such an intolerable journey. I think the roads, since so many turnpike
-acts, are grown worse than ever. La, brother, how could you get into
-this odious place? no person of condition, I dare swear, ever set foot
-here before." "I don't know," cries the squire, "I think they do well
-enough; it was landlord recommended them. I thought, as he knew most
-of the quality, he could best shew me where to get among um." "Well,
-and where's my niece?" says the lady; "have you been to wait upon Lady
-Bellaston yet?" "Ay, ay," cries the squire, "your niece is safe
-enough; she is upstairs in chamber." "How!" answered the lady, "is my
-niece in this house, and does she not know of my being here?" "No,
-nobody can well get to her," says the squire, "for she is under lock
-and key. I have her safe; I vetched her from my lady cousin the first
-night I came to town, and I have taken care o' her ever since; she is
-as secure as a fox in a bag, I promise you." "Good heaven!" returned
-Mrs Western, "what do I hear? I thought what a fine piece of work
-would be the consequence of my consent to your coming to town
-yourself; nay, it was indeed your own headstrong will, nor can I
-charge myself with having ever consented to it. Did not you promise
-me, brother, that you would take none of these headstrong measures?
-Was it not by these headstrong measures that you forced my niece to
-run away from you in the country? Have you a mind to oblige her to
-take such another step?" "Z--ds and the devil!" cries the squire,
-dashing his pipe on the ground; "did ever mortal hear the like? when I
-expected you would have commended me for all I have done, to be fallen
-upon in this manner!" "How, brother!" said the lady, "have I ever
-given you the least reason to imagine I should commend you for locking
-up your daughter? Have I not often told you that women in a free
-country are not to be treated with such arbitrary power? We are as
-free as the men, and I heartily wish I could not say we deserve that
-freedom better. If you expect I should stay a moment longer in this
-wretched house, or that I should ever own you again as my relation, or
-that I should ever trouble myself again with the affairs of your
-family, I insist upon it that my niece be set at liberty this
-instant." This she spoke with so commanding an air, standing with her
-back to the fire, with one hand behind her, and a pinch of snuff in
-the other, that I question whether Thalestris, at the head of her
-Amazons, ever made a more tremendous figure. It is no wonder,
-therefore, that the poor squire was not proof against the awe which
-she inspired. "There," he cried, throwing down the key, "there it is,
-do whatever you please. I intended only to have kept her up till
-Blifil came to town, which can't be long; and now if any harm happens
-in the mean time, remember who is to be blamed for it."
-
-"I will answer it with my life," cried Mrs Western, "but I shall not
-intermeddle at all, unless upon one condition, and that is, that you
-will commit the whole entirely to my care, without taking any one
-measure yourself, unless I shall eventually appoint you to act. If you
-ratify these preliminaries, brother, I yet will endeavour to preserve
-the honour of your family; if not, I shall continue in a neutral
-state."
-
-"I pray you, good sir," said the parson, "permit yourself this once to
-be admonished by her ladyship: peradventure, by communing with young
-Madam Sophia, she will effect more than you have been able to
-perpetrate by more rigorous measures."
-
-"What, dost thee open upon me?" cries the squire: "if thee dost begin
-to babble, I shall whip thee in presently."
-
-"Fie, brother," answered the lady, "is this language to a clergyman?
-Mr Supple is a man of sense, and gives you the best advice; and the
-whole world, I believe, will concur in his opinion; but I must tell
-you I expect an immediate answer to my categorical proposals. Either
-cede your daughter to my disposal, or take her wholly to your own
-surprizing discretion, and then I here, before Mr Supple, evacuate the
-garrison, and renounce you and your family for ever."
-
-"I pray you let me be a mediator," cries the parson, "let me
-supplicate you."
-
-"Why, there lies the key on the table," cries the squire. "She may
-take un up, if she pleases: who hinders her?"
-
-"No, brother," answered the lady, "I insist on the formality of its
-being delivered me, with a full ratification of all the concessions
-stipulated."
-
-"Why then I will deliver it to you.--There 'tis," cries the squire. "I
-am sure, sister, you can't accuse me of ever denying to trust my
-daughter to you. She hath a-lived wi' you a whole year and muore to a
-time, without my ever zeeing her."
-
-"And it would have been happy for her," answered the lady, "if she had
-always lived with me. Nothing of this kind would have happened under
-my eye."
-
-"Ay, certainly," cries he, "I only am to blame."
-
-"Why, you are to blame, brother," answered she. "I have been often
-obliged to tell you so, and shall always be obliged to tell you so.
-However, I hope you will now amend, and gather so much experience from
-past errors, as not to defeat my wisest machinations by your blunders.
-Indeed, brother, you are not qualified for these negociations. All
-your whole scheme of politics is wrong. I once more, therefore,
-insist, that you do not intermeddle. Remember only what is past."----
-
-"Z--ds and bl--d, sister," cries the squire, "what would you have me
-say? You are enough to provoke the devil."
-
-"There, now," said she, "just according to the old custom. I see,
-brother, there is no talking to you. I will appeal to Mr Supple, who
-is a man of sense, if I said anything which could put any human
-creature into a passion; but you are so wrongheaded every way."
-
-"Let me beg you, madam," said the parson, "not to irritate his
-worship."
-
-"Irritate him?" said the lady; "sure, you are as great a fool as
-himself. Well, brother, since you have promised not to interfere, I
-will once more undertake the management of my niece. Lord have mercy
-upon all affairs which are under the directions of men! The head of
-one woman is worth a thousand of yours." And now having summoned a
-servant to show her to Sophia, she departed, bearing the key with her.
-
-She was no sooner gone, than the squire (having first shut the door)
-ejaculated twenty bitches, and as many hearty curses against her, not
-sparing himself for having ever thought of her estate; but added, "Now
-one hath been a slave so long, it would be pity to lose it at last,
-for want of holding out a little longer. The bitch can't live for
-ever, and I know I am down for it upon the will."
-
-The parson greatly commended this resolution: and now the squire
-having ordered in another bottle, which was his usual method when
-anything either pleased or vexed him, did, by drinking plentifully of
-this medicinal julap, so totally wash away his choler, that his temper
-was become perfectly placid and serene, when Mrs Western returned with
-Sophia into the room. The young lady had on her hat and capuchin, and
-the aunt acquainted Mr Western, "that she intended to take her niece
-with her to her own lodgings; for, indeed, brother," says she, "these
-rooms are not fit to receive a Christian soul in."
-
-"Very well, madam," quoth Western, "whatever you please. The girl can
-never be in better hands than yours; and the parson here can do me the
-justice to say, that I have said fifty times behind your back, that
-you was one of the most sensible women in the world."
-
-"To this," cries the parson, "I am ready to bear testimony."
-
-"Nay, brother," says Mrs Western, "I have always, I'm sure, given you
-as favourable a character. You must own you have a little too much
-hastiness in your temper; but when you will allow yourself time to
-reflect I never knew a man more reasonable."
-
-"Why then, sister, if you think so," said the squire, "here's your
-good health with all my heart. I am a little passionate sometimes, but
-I scorn to bear any malice. Sophy, do you be a good girl, and do
-everything your aunt orders you."
-
-"I have not the least doubt of her," answered Mrs Western. "She hath
-had already an example before her eyes in the behaviour of that wretch
-her cousin Harriet, who ruined herself by neglecting my advice. O
-brother, what think you? You was hardly gone out of hearing, when you
-set out for London, when who should arrive but that impudent fellow
-with the odious Irish name--that Fitzpatrick. He broke in abruptly
-upon me without notice, or I would not have seen him. He ran on a
-long, unintelligible story about his wife, to which he forced me to
-give him a hearing; but I made him very little answer, and delivered
-him the letter from his wife, which I bid him answer himself. I
-suppose the wretch will endeavour to find us out, but I beg you will
-not see her, for I am determined I will not."
-
-"I zee her!" answered the squire; "you need not fear me. I'll ge no
-encouragement to such undutiful wenches. It is well for the fellow,
-her husband, I was not at huome. Od rabbit it, he should have taken a
-dance thru the horse-pond, I promise un. You zee, Sophy, what
-undutifulness brings volks to. You have an example in your own
-family."
-
-"Brother," cries the aunt, "you need not shock my niece by such odious
-repetitions. Why will you not leave everything entirely to me?" "Well,
-well, I wull, I wull," said the squire.
-
-And now Mrs Western, luckily for Sophia, put an end to the
-conversation by ordering chairs to be called. I say luckily, for had
-it continued much longer, fresh matter of dissension would, most
-probably, have arisen between the brother and sister; between whom
-education and sex made the only difference; for both were equally
-violent and equally positive: they had both a vast affection for
-Sophia, and both a sovereign contempt for each other.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-In which Jones receives a letter from Sophia, and goes to a play with
-Mrs Miller and Partridge.
-
-
-The arrival of Black George in town, and the good offices which that
-grateful fellow had promised to do for his old benefactor, greatly
-comforted Jones in the midst of all the anxiety and uneasiness which
-he had suffered on the account of Sophia; from whom, by the means of
-the said George, he received the following answer to his letter, which
-Sophia, to whom the use of pen, ink, and paper was restored with her
-liberty, wrote the very evening when she departed from her
-confinement:
-
-  "Sir,
-
-  "As I do not doubt your sincerity in what you write, you will be
-  pleased to hear that some of my afflictions are at an end, by the
-  arrival of my aunt Western, with whom I am at present, and with whom
-  I enjoy all the liberty I can desire. One promise my aunt hath
-  insisted on my making, which is, that I will not see or converse
-  with any person without her knowledge and consent. This promise I
-  have most solemnly given, and shall most inviolably keep: and though
-  she hath not expressly forbidden me writing, yet that must be an
-  omission from forgetfulness; or this, perhaps, is included in the
-  word conversing. However, as I cannot but consider this as a breach
-  of her generous confidence in my honour, you cannot expect that I
-  shall, after this, continue to write myself or to receive letters,
-  without her knowledge. A promise is with me a very sacred thing, and
-  to be extended to everything understood from it, as well as to what
-  is expressed by it; and this consideration may, perhaps, on
-  reflection, afford you some comfort. But why should I mention a
-  comfort to you of this kind; for though there is one thing in which
-  I can never comply with the best of fathers, yet am I firmly
-  resolved never to act in defiance of him, or to take any step of
-  consequence without his consent. A firm persuasion of this must
-  teach you to divert your thoughts from what fortune hath (perhaps)
-  made impossible. This your own interest persuades you. This may
-  reconcile, I hope, Mr Allworthy to you; and if it will, you have my
-  injunctions to pursue it. Accidents have laid some obligations on
-  me, and your good intentions probably more. Fortune may, perhaps, be
-  some time kinder to us both than at present. Believe this, that I
-  shall always think of you as I think you deserve, and am,
-
-                         Sir,
-                    your obliged humble servant,
-                                 Sophia Western.
-
-  "I charge you write to me no more--at present at least; and accept
-  this, which is now of no service to me, which I know you must want,
-  and think you owe the trifle only to that fortune by which you found
-  it."[*]
-
-  [*] Meaning, perhaps, the bank-bill for £100.
-
-A child who hath just learnt his letters would have spelt this letter
-out in less time than Jones took in reading it. The sensations it
-occasioned were a mixture of joy and grief; somewhat like what divide
-the mind of a good man when he peruses the will of his deceased
-friend, in which a large legacy, which his distresses make the more
-welcome, is bequeathed to him. Upon the whole, however, he was more
-pleased than displeased; and, indeed, the reader may probably wonder
-that he was displeased at all; but the reader is not quite so much in
-love as was poor Jones; and love is a disease which, though it may, in
-some instances, resemble a consumption (which it sometimes causes), in
-others proceeds in direct opposition to it, and particularly in this,
-that it never flatters itself, or sees any one symptom in a favourable
-light.
-
-One thing gave him complete satisfaction, which was, that his mistress
-had regained her liberty, and was now with a lady where she might at
-least assure herself of a decent treatment. Another comfortable
-circumstance was the reference which she made to her promise of never
-marrying any other man; for however disinterested he might imagine his
-passion, and notwithstanding all the generous overtures made in his
-letter, I very much question whether he could have heard a more
-afflicting piece of news than that Sophia was married to another,
-though the match had been never so great, and never so likely to end
-in making her completely happy. That refined degree of Platonic
-affection which is absolutely detached from the flesh, and is, indeed,
-entirely and purely spiritual, is a gift confined to the female part
-of the creation; many of whom I have heard declare (and, doubtless,
-with great truth), that they would, with the utmost readiness, resign
-a lover to a rival, when such resignation was proved to be necessary
-for the temporal interest of such lover. Hence, therefore, I conclude
-that this affection is in nature, though I cannot pretend to say I
-have ever seen an instance of it.
-
-Mr Jones having spent three hours in reading and kissing the aforesaid
-letter, and being, at last, in a state of good spirits, from the
-last-mentioned considerations, he agreed to carry an appointment,
-which he had before made, into execution. This was, to attend Mrs
-Miller, and her younger daughter, into the gallery at the play-house,
-and to admit Mr Partridge as one of the company. For as Jones had
-really that taste for humour which many affect, he expected to enjoy
-much entertainment in the criticisms of Partridge, from whom he
-expected the simple dictates of nature, unimproved, indeed, but
-likewise unadulterated, by art.
-
-In the first row then of the first gallery did Mr Jones, Mrs Miller,
-her youngest daughter, and Partridge, take their places. Partridge
-immediately declared it was the finest place he had ever been in. When
-the first music was played, he said, "It was a wonder how so many
-fiddlers could play at one time, without putting one another out."
-While the fellow was lighting the upper candles, he cried out to Mrs
-Miller, "Look, look, madam, the very picture of the man in the end of
-the common-prayer book before the gunpowder-treason service." Nor
-could he help observing, with a sigh, when all the candles were
-lighted, "That here were candles enough burnt in one night, to keep an
-honest poor family for a whole twelvemonth."
-
-As soon as the play, which was Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, began,
-Partridge was all attention, nor did he break silence till the
-entrance of the ghost; upon which he asked Jones, "What man that was
-in the strange dress; something," said he, "like what I have seen in a
-picture. Sure it is not armour, is it?" Jones answered, "That is the
-ghost." To which Partridge replied with a smile, "Persuade me to that,
-sir, if you can. Though I can't say I ever actually saw a ghost in my
-life, yet I am certain I should know one, if I saw him, better than
-that comes to. No, no, sir, ghosts don't appear in such dresses as
-that, neither." In this mistake, which caused much laughter in the
-neighbourhood of Partridge, he was suffered to continue, till the
-scene between the ghost and Hamlet, when Partridge gave that credit to
-Mr Garrick, which he had denied to Jones, and fell into so violent a
-trembling, that his knees knocked against each other. Jones asked him
-what was the matter, and whether he was afraid of the warrior upon the
-stage? "O la! sir," said he, "I perceive now it is what you told me. I
-am not afraid of anything; for I know it is but a play. And if it was
-really a ghost, it could do one no harm at such a distance, and in so
-much company; and yet if I was frightened, I am not the only person."
-"Why, who," cries Jones, "dost thou take to be such a coward here
-besides thyself?" "Nay, you may call me coward if you will; but if
-that little man there upon the stage is not frightened, I never saw
-any man frightened in my life. Ay, ay: go along with you: Ay, to be
-sure! Who's fool then? Will you? Lud have mercy upon such
-fool-hardiness!--Whatever happens, it is good enough for
-you.----Follow you? I'd follow the devil as soon. Nay, perhaps it is
-the devil----for they say he can put on what likeness he pleases.--Oh!
-here he is again.----No farther! No, you have gone far enough already;
-farther than I'd have gone for all the king's dominions." Jones
-offered to speak, but Partridge cried "Hush, hush! dear sir, don't you
-hear him?" And during the whole speech of the ghost, he sat with his
-eyes fixed partly on the ghost and partly on Hamlet, and with his
-mouth open; the same passions which succeeded each other in Hamlet,
-succeeding likewise in him.
-
-When the scene was over Jones said, "Why, Partridge, you exceed my
-expectations. You enjoy the play more than I conceived possible."
-"Nay, sir," answered Partridge, "if you are not afraid of the devil, I
-can't help it; but to be sure, it is natural to be surprized at such
-things, though I know there is nothing in them: not that it was the
-ghost that surprized me, neither; for I should have known that to have
-been only a man in a strange dress; but when I saw the little man so
-frightened himself, it was that which took hold of me." "And dost thou
-imagine, then, Partridge," cries Jones, "that he was really
-frightened?" "Nay, sir," said Partridge, "did not you yourself observe
-afterwards, when he found it was his own father's spirit, and how he
-was murdered in the garden, how his fear forsook him by degrees, and
-he was struck dumb with sorrow, as it were, just as I should have
-been, had it been my own case?--But hush! O la! what noise is that?
-There he is again.----Well, to be certain, though I know there is
-nothing at all in it, I am glad I am not down yonder, where those men
-are." Then turning his eyes again upon Hamlet, "Ay, you may draw your
-sword; what signifies a sword against the power of the devil?"
-
-During the second act, Partridge made very few remarks. He greatly
-admired the fineness of the dresses; nor could he help observing upon
-the king's countenance. "Well," said he, "how people may be deceived
-by faces! _Nulla fides fronti_ is, I find, a true saying. Who would
-think, by looking in the king's face, that he had ever committed a
-murder?" He then enquired after the ghost; but Jones, who intended he
-should be surprized, gave him no other satisfaction, than, "that he
-might possibly see him again soon, and in a flash of fire."
-
-Partridge sat in a fearful expectation of this; and now, when the
-ghost made his next appearance, Partridge cried out, "There, sir, now;
-what say you now? is he frightened now or no? As much frightened as
-you think me, and, to be sure, nobody can help some fears. I would not
-be in so bad a condition as what's his name, squire Hamlet, is there,
-for all the world. Bless me! what's become of the spirit? As I am a
-living soul, I thought I saw him sink into the earth." "Indeed, you
-saw right," answered Jones. "Well, well," cries Partridge, "I know it
-is only a play: and besides, if there was anything in all this, Madam
-Miller would not laugh so; for as to you, sir, you would not be
-afraid, I believe, if the devil was here in person.--There, there--Ay,
-no wonder you are in such a passion, shake the vile wicked wretch to
-pieces. If she was my own mother, I would serve her so. To be sure all
-duty to a mother is forfeited by such wicked doings.----Ay, go about
-your business, I hate the sight of you."
-
-Our critic was now pretty silent till the play, which Hamlet
-introduces before the king. This he did not at first understand, till
-Jones explained it to him; but he no sooner entered into the spirit of
-it, than he began to bless himself that he had never committed murder.
-Then turning to Mrs Miller, he asked her, "If she did not imagine the
-king looked as if he was touched; though he is," said he, "a good
-actor, and doth all he can to hide it. Well, I would not have so much
-to answer for, as that wicked man there hath, to sit upon a much
-higher chair than he sits upon. No wonder he ran away; for your sake
-I'll never trust an innocent face again."
-
-The grave-digging scene next engaged the attention of Partridge, who
-expressed much surprize at the number of skulls thrown upon the stage.
-To which Jones answered, "That it was one of the most famous
-burial-places about town." "No wonder then," cries Partridge, "that
-the place is haunted. But I never saw in my life a worse grave-digger.
-I had a sexton, when I was clerk, that should have dug three graves
-while he is digging one. The fellow handles a spade as if it was the
-first time he had ever had one in his hand. Ay, ay, you may sing. You
-had rather sing than work, I believe."--Upon Hamlet's taking up the
-skull, he cried out, "Well! it is strange to see how fearless some men
-are: I never could bring myself to touch anything belonging to a dead
-man, on any account.--He seemed frightened enough too at the ghost, I
-thought. _Nemo omnibus horis sapit._"
-
-Little more worth remembering occurred during the play, at the end of
-which Jones asked him, "Which of the players he had liked best?" To
-this he answered, with some appearance of indignation at the question,
-"The king, without doubt." "Indeed, Mr Partridge," says Mrs Miller,
-"you are not of the same opinion with the town; for they are all
-agreed, that Hamlet is acted by the best player who ever was on the
-stage." "He the best player!" cries Partridge, with a contemptuous
-sneer, "why, I could act as well as he myself. I am sure, if I had
-seen a ghost, I should have looked in the very same manner, and done
-just as he did. And then, to be sure, in that scene, as you called it,
-between him and his mother, where you told me he acted so fine, why,
-Lord help me, any man, that is, any good man, that had such a mother,
-would have done exactly the same. I know you are only joking with me;
-but indeed, madam, though I was never at a play in London, yet I have
-seen acting before in the country; and the king for my money; he
-speaks all his words distinctly, half as loud again as the
-other.--Anybody may see he is an actor."
-
-While Mrs Miller was thus engaged in conversation with Partridge, a
-lady came up to Mr Jones, whom he immediately knew to be Mrs
-Fitzpatrick. She said, she had seen him from the other part of the
-gallery, and had taken that opportunity of speaking to him, as she had
-something to say, which might be of great service to himself. She then
-acquainted him with her lodgings, and made him an appointment the next
-day in the morning; which, upon recollection, she presently changed to
-the afternoon; at which time Jones promised to attend her.
-
-Thus ended the adventure at the playhouse; where Partridge had
-afforded great mirth, not only to Jones and Mrs Miller, but to all who
-sat within hearing, who were more attentive to what he said, than to
-anything that passed on the stage.
-
-He durst not go to bed all that night, for fear of the ghost; and for
-many nights after sweated two or three hours before he went to sleep,
-with the same apprehensions, and waked several times in great horrors,
-crying out, "Lord have mercy upon us! there it is."
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-In which the history is obliged to look back.
-
-
-It is almost impossible for the best parent to observe an exact
-impartiality to his children, even though no superior merit should
-bias his affection; but sure a parent can hardly be blamed, when that
-superiority determines his preference.
-
-As I regard all the personages of this history in the light of my
-children; so I must confess the same inclination of partiality to
-Sophia; and for that I hope the reader will allow me the same excuse,
-from the superiority of her character.
-
-This extraordinary tenderness which I have for my heroine never
-suffers me to quit her any long time without the utmost reluctance. I
-could now, therefore, return impatiently to enquire what hath happened
-to this lovely creature since her departure from her father's, but
-that I am obliged first to pay a short visit to Mr Blifil.
-
-Mr Western, in the first confusion into which his mind was cast upon
-the sudden news he received of his daughter, and in the first hurry to
-go after her, had not once thought of sending any account of the
-discovery to Blifil. He had not gone far, however, before he
-recollected himself, and accordingly stopt at the very first inn he
-came to, and dispatched away a messenger to acquaint Blifil with his
-having found Sophia, and with his firm resolution to marry her to him
-immediately, if he would come up after him to town.
-
-As the love which Blifil had for Sophia was of that violent kind,
-which nothing but the loss of her fortune, or some such accident,
-could lessen, his inclination to the match was not at all altered by
-her having run away, though he was obliged to lay this to his own
-account. He very readily, therefore, embraced this offer. Indeed, he
-now proposed the gratification of a very strong passion besides
-avarice, by marrying this young lady, and this was hatred; for he
-concluded that matrimony afforded an equal opportunity of satisfying
-either hatred or love; and this opinion is very probably verified by
-much experience. To say the truth, if we are to judge by the ordinary
-behaviour of married persons to each other, we shall perhaps be apt to
-conclude that the generality seek the indulgence of the former passion
-only, in their union of everything but of hearts.
-
-There was one difficulty, however, in his way, and this arose from Mr
-Allworthy. That good man, when he found by the departure of Sophia
-(for neither that, nor the cause of it, could be concealed from him),
-the great aversion which she had for his nephew, began to be seriously
-concerned that he had been deceived into carrying matters so far. He
-by no means concurred with the opinion of those parents, who think it
-as immaterial to consult the inclinations of their children in the
-affair of marriage, as to solicit the good pleasure of their servants
-when they intend to take a journey; and who are by law, or decency at
-least, withheld often from using absolute force. On the contrary, as
-he esteemed the institution to be of the most sacred kind, he thought
-every preparatory caution necessary to preserve it holy and inviolate;
-and very wisely concluded, that the surest way to effect this was by
-laying the foundation in previous affection.
-
-Blifil indeed soon cured his uncle of all anger on the score of
-deceit, by many vows and protestations that he had been deceived
-himself, with which the many declarations of Western very well
-tallied; but now to persuade Allworthy to consent to the renewing his
-addresses was a matter of such apparent difficulty, that the very
-appearance was sufficient to have deterred a less enterprizing genius;
-but this young gentleman so well knew his own talents, that nothing
-within the province of cunning seemed to him hard to be achieved.
-
-Here then he represented the violence of his own affection, and the
-hopes of subduing aversion in the lady by perseverance. He begged
-that, in an affair on which depended all his future repose, he might
-at least be at liberty to try all fair means for success. Heaven
-forbid, he said, that he should ever think of prevailing by any other
-than the most gentle methods! "Besides, sir," said he, "if they fail,
-you may then (which will be surely time enough) deny your consent." He
-urged the great and eager desire which Mr Western had for the match;
-and lastly, he made great use of the name of Jones, to whom he imputed
-all that had happened; and from whom, he said, to preserve so valuable
-a young lady was even an act of charity.
-
-All these arguments were well seconded by Thwackum, who dwelt a little
-stronger on the authority of parents than Mr Blifil himself had done.
-He ascribed the measures which Mr Blifil was desirous to take to
-Christian motives; "and though," says he, "the good young gentleman
-hath mentioned charity last, I am almost convinced it is his first and
-principal consideration."
-
-Square, possibly, had he been present, would have sung to the same
-tune, though in a different key, and would have discovered much moral
-fitness in the proceeding: but he was now gone to Bath for the
-recovery of his health.
-
-Allworthy, though not without reluctance, at last yielded to the
-desires of his nephew. He said he would accompany him to London, where
-he might be at liberty to use every honest endeavour to gain the lady:
-"But I declare," said he, "I will never give my consent to any
-absolute force being put on her inclinations, nor shall you ever have
-her, unless she can be brought freely to compliance."
-
-Thus did the affection of Allworthy for his nephew betray the superior
-understanding to be triumphed over by the inferior; and thus is the
-prudence of the best of heads often defeated by the tenderness of the
-best of hearts.
-
-Blifil, having obtained this unhoped-for acquiescence in his uncle,
-rested not till he carried his purpose into execution. And as no
-immediate business required Mr Allworthy's presence in the country,
-and little preparation is necessary to men for a journey, they set out
-the very next day, and arrived in town that evening, when Mr Jones, as
-we have seen, was diverting himself with Partridge at the play.
-
-The morning after his arrival Mr Blifil waited on Mr Western, by whom
-he was most kindly and graciously received, and from whom he had every
-possible assurance (perhaps more than was possible) that he should
-very shortly be as happy as Sophia could make him; nor would the
-squire suffer the young gentleman to return to his uncle till he had,
-almost against his will, carried him to his sister.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-In which Mr Western pays a visit to his sister, in company with Mr
-Blifil.
-
-
-Mrs Western was reading a lecture on prudence, and matrimonial
-politics, to her niece, when her brother and Blifil broke in with less
-ceremony than the laws of visiting require. Sophia no sooner saw
-Blifil than she turned pale, and almost lost the use of all her
-faculties; but her aunt, on the contrary, waxed red, and, having all
-her faculties at command, began to exert her tongue on the squire.
-
-"Brother," said she, "I am astonished at your behaviour; will you
-never learn any regard to decorum? Will you still look upon every
-apartment as your own, or as belonging to one of your country tenants?
-Do you think yourself at liberty to invade the privacies of women of
-condition, without the least decency or notice?"----"Why, what a pox
-is the matter now?" quoth the squire; "one would think I had caught
-you at--"--"None of your brutality, sir, I beseech you," answered
-she.----"You have surprized my poor niece so, that she can hardly, I
-see, support herself.----Go, my dear, retire, and endeavour to recruit
-your spirits; for I see you have occasion." At which words Sophia, who
-never received a more welcome command, hastily withdrew.
-
-"To be sure, sister," cries the squire, "you are mad, when I have
-brought Mr Blifil here to court her, to force her away."
-
-"Sure, brother," says she, "you are worse than mad, when you know in
-what situation affairs are, to----I am sure I ask Mr Blifil's pardon,
-but he knows very well to whom to impute so disagreeable a reception.
-For my own part, I am sure I shall always be very glad to see Mr
-Blifil; but his own good sense would not have suffered him to proceed
-so abruptly, had you not compelled him to it."
-
-Blifil bowed and stammered, and looked like a fool; but Western,
-without giving him time to form a speech for the purpose, answered,
-"Well, well, I am to blame, if you will, I always am, certainly; but
-come, let the girl be fetched back again, or let Mr Blifil go to
-her.----He's come up on purpose, and there is no time to be lost."
-
-"Brother," cries Mrs Western, "Mr Blifil, I am confident, understands
-himself better than to think of seeing my niece any more this morning,
-after what hath happened. Women are of a nice contexture; and our
-spirits, when disordered, are not to be recomposed in a moment. Had
-you suffered Mr Blifil to have sent his compliments to my niece, and
-to have desired the favour of waiting on her in the afternoon, I
-should possibly have prevailed on her to have seen him; but now I
-despair of bringing about any such matter."
-
-"I am very sorry, madam," cried Blifil, "that Mr Western's
-extraordinary kindness to me, which I can never enough acknowledge,
-should have occasioned--" "Indeed, sir," said she, interrupting him,
-"you need make no apologies, we all know my brother so well."
-
-"I don't care what anybody knows of me," answered the squire;----"but
-when must he come to see her? for, consider, I tell you, he is come
-up on purpose, and so is Allworthy."--"Brother," said she, "whatever
-message Mr Blifil thinks proper to send to my niece shall be
-delivered to her; and I suppose she will want no instructions to make
-a proper answer. I am convinced she will not refuse to see Mr Blifil
-at a proper time."--"The devil she won't!" answered the
-squire.--"Odsbud!--Don't we know--I say nothing, but some volk are
-wiser than all the world.----If I might have had my will, she had not
-run away before: and now I expect to hear every moment she is guone
-again. For as great a fool as some volk think me, I know very well
-she hates----" "No matter, brother," replied Mrs Western, "I will not
-hear my niece abused. It is a reflection on my family. She is an
-honour to it; and she will be an honour to it, I promise you. I will
-pawn my whole reputation in the world on her conduct.----I shall be
-glad to see you, brother, in the afternoon; for I have somewhat of
-importance to mention to you.--At present, Mr Blifil, as well as you,
-must excuse me; for I am in haste to dress." "Well, but," said the
-squire, "do appoint a time." "Indeed," said she, "I can appoint no
-time. I tell you I will see you in the afternoon."--"What the devil
-would you have me do?" cries the squire, turning to Blifil; "I can no
-more turn her, than a beagle can turn an old hare. Perhaps she will
-be in a better humour in the afternoon."--"I am condemned, I see,
-sir, to misfortune," answered Blifil; "but I shall always own my
-obligations to you." He then took a ceremonious leave of Mrs Western,
-who was altogether as ceremonious on her part; and then they
-departed, the squire muttering to himself with an oath, that Blifil
-should see his daughter in the afternoon.
-
-If Mr Western was little pleased with this interview, Blifil was less.
-As to the former, he imputed the whole behaviour of his sister to her
-humour only, and to her dissatisfaction at the omission of ceremony in
-the visit; but Blifil saw a little deeper into things. He suspected
-somewhat of more consequence, from two or three words which dropt from
-the lady; and, to say the truth, he suspected right, as will appear
-when I have unfolded the several matters which will be contained in
-the following chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Schemes of Lady Bellaston for the ruin of Jones.
-
-
-Love had taken too deep a root in the mind of Lord Fellamar to be
-plucked up by the rude hands of Mr Western. In the heat of resentment
-he had, indeed, given a commission to Captain Egglane, which the
-captain had far exceeded in the execution; nor had it been executed at
-all, had his lordship been able to find the captain after he had seen
-Lady Bellaston, which was in the afternoon of the day after he had
-received the affront; but so industrious was the captain in the
-discharge of his duty, that, having after long enquiry found out the
-squire's lodgings very late in the evening, he sat up all night at a
-tavern, that he might not miss the squire in the morning, and by that
-means missed the revocation which my lord had sent to his lodgings.
-
-In the afternoon then next after the intended rape of Sophia, his
-lordship, as we have said, made a visit to Lady Bellaston, who laid
-open so much of the character of the squire, that his lordship plainly
-saw the absurdity he had been guilty of in taking any offence at his
-words, especially as he had those honourable designs on his daughter.
-He then unbosomed the violence of his passion to Lady Bellaston, who
-readily undertook the cause, and encouraged him with certain assurance
-of a most favourable reception from all the elders of the family, and
-from the father himself when he should be sober, and should be made
-acquainted with the nature of the offer made to his daughter. The only
-danger, she said, lay in the fellow she had formerly mentioned, who,
-though a beggar and a vagabond, had, by some means or other, she knew
-not what, procured himself tolerable cloaths, and past for a
-gentleman. "Now," says she, "as I have, for the sake of my cousin,
-made it my business to enquire after this fellow, I have luckily found
-out his lodgings;" with which she then acquainted his lordship. "I am
-thinking, my lord," added she "(for this fellow is too mean for your
-personal resentment), whether it would not be possible for your
-lordship to contrive some method of having him pressed and sent on
-board a ship. Neither law nor conscience forbid this project: for the
-fellow, I promise you, however well drest, is but a vagabond, and as
-proper as any fellow in the streets to be pressed into the service;
-and as for the conscientious part, surely the preservation of a young
-lady from such ruin is a most meritorious act; nay, with regard to the
-fellow himself, unless he could succeed (which Heaven forbid) with my
-cousin, it may probably be the means of preserving him from the
-gallows, and perhaps may make his fortune in an honest way."
-
-Lord Fellamar very heartily thanked her ladyship for the part which
-she was pleased to take in the affair, upon the success of which his
-whole future happiness entirely depended. He said, he saw at present
-no objection to the pressing scheme, and would consider of putting it
-in execution. He then most earnestly recommended to her ladyship to do
-him the honour of immediately mentioning his proposals to the family;
-to whom he said he offered a _carte blanche_, and would settle his
-fortune in almost any manner they should require. And after uttering
-many ecstasies and raptures concerning Sophia, he took his leave and
-departed, but not before he had received the strongest charge to
-beware of Jones, and to lose no time in securing his person, where he
-should no longer be in a capacity of making any attempts to the ruin
-of the young lady.
-
-The moment Mrs Western was arrived at her lodgings, a card was
-despatched with her compliments to Lady Bellaston; who no sooner
-received it than, with the impatience of a lover, she flew to her
-cousin, rejoiced at this fair opportunity, which beyond her hopes
-offered itself, for she was much better pleased with the prospect of
-making the proposals to a woman of sense, and who knew the world, than
-to a gentleman whom she honoured with the appellation of Hottentot;
-though, indeed, from him she apprehended no danger of a refusal.
-
-The two ladies being met, after very short previous ceremonials, fell
-to business, which was indeed almost as soon concluded as begun; for
-Mrs Western no sooner heard the name of Lord Fellamar than her cheeks
-glowed with pleasure; but when she was acquainted with the eagerness
-of his passion, the earnestness of his proposals, and the generosity
-of his offer, she declared her full satisfaction in the most explicit
-terms.
-
-In the progress of their conversation their discourse turned to Jones,
-and both cousins very pathetically lamented the unfortunate attachment
-which both agreed Sophia had to that young fellow; and Mrs Western
-entirely attributed it to the folly of her brother's management. She
-concluded, however, at last, with declaring her confidence in the good
-understanding of her niece, who, though she would not give up her
-affection in favour of Blifil, will, I doubt not, says she, soon be
-prevailed upon to sacrifice a simple inclination to the addresses of a
-fine gentleman, who brings her both a title and a large estate: "For,
-indeed," added she, "I must do Sophy the justice to confess this
-Blifil is but a hideous kind of fellow, as you know, Bellaston, all
-country gentlemen are, and hath nothing but his fortune to recommend
-him."
-
-"Nay," said Lady Bellaston, "I don't then so much wonder at my cousin;
-for I promise you this Jones is a very agreeable fellow, and hath one
-virtue, which the men say is a great recommendation to us. What do you
-think, Mrs Western--I shall certainly make you laugh; nay, I can
-hardly tell you myself for laughing--will you believe that the fellow
-hath had the assurance to make love to me? But if you should be
-inclined to disbelieve it, here is evidence enough, his own
-handwriting, I assure you." She then delivered her cousin the letter
-with the proposals of marriage, which, if the reader hath a desire to
-see, he will find already on record in the XVth book of this history.
-
-"Upon my word I am astonished," said Mrs Western; "this is, indeed, a
-masterpiece of assurance. With your leave I may possibly make some use
-of this letter." "You have my full liberty," cries Lady Bellaston, "to
-apply it to what purpose you please. However, I would not have it
-shewn to any but Miss Western, nor to her unless you find occasion."
-"Well, and how did you use the fellow?" returned Mrs Western. "Not as
-a husband," said the lady; "I am not married, I promise you, my dear.
-You know, Bell, I have tried the comforts once already; and once, I
-think, is enough for any reasonable woman."
-
-This letter Lady Bellaston thought would certainly turn the balance
-against Jones in the mind of Sophia, and she was emboldened to give it
-up, partly by her hopes of having him instantly dispatched out of the
-way, and partly by having secured the evidence of Honour, who, upon
-sounding her, she saw sufficient reason to imagine was prepared to
-testify whatever she pleased.
-
-But perhaps the reader may wonder why Lady Bellaston, who in her heart
-hated Sophia, should be so desirous of promoting a match which was so
-much to the interest of the young lady. Now, I would desire such
-readers to look carefully into human nature, page almost the last, and
-there he will find, in scarce legible characters, that women,
-notwithstanding the preposterous behaviour of mothers, aunts, &c., in
-matrimonial matters, do in reality think it so great a misfortune to
-have their inclinations in love thwarted, that they imagine they ought
-never to carry enmity higher than upon these disappointments; again,
-he will find it written much about the same place, that a woman who
-hath once been pleased with the possession of a man, will go above
-halfway to the devil, to prevent any other woman from enjoying the
-same.
-
-If he will not be contented with these reasons, I freely confess I see
-no other motive to the actions of that lady, unless we will conceive
-she was bribed by Lord Fellamar, which for my own part I see no cause
-to suspect.
-
-Now this was the affair which Mrs Western was preparing to introduce
-to Sophia, by some prefatory discourse on the folly of love, and on
-the wisdom of legal prostitution for hire, when her brother and Blifil
-broke abruptly in upon her; and hence arose all that coldness in her
-behaviour to Blifil, which, though the squire, as was usual with him,
-imputed to a wrong cause, infused into Blifil himself (he being a much
-more cunning man) a suspicion of the real truth.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-In which Jones pays a visit to Mrs Fitzpatrick.
-
-
-The reader may now, perhaps, be pleased to return with us to Mr Jones,
-who, at the appointed hour, attended on Mrs Fitzpatrick; but before we
-relate the conversation which now past it may be proper, according to
-our method, to return a little back, and to account for so great an
-alteration of behaviour in this lady, that from changing her lodging
-principally to avoid Mr Jones, she had now industriously, as hath been
-seen, sought this interview.
-
-And here we shall need only to resort to what happened the preceding
-day, when, hearing from Lady Bellaston that Mr Western was arrived in
-town, she went to pay her duty to him, at his lodgings at Piccadilly,
-where she was received with many scurvy compellations too coarse to be
-repeated, and was even threatened to be kicked out of doors. From
-hence, an old servant of her aunt Western, with whom she was well
-acquainted, conducted her to the lodgings of that lady, who treated
-her not more kindly, but more politely; or, to say the truth, with
-rudeness in another way. In short, she returned from both, plainly
-convinced, not only that her scheme of reconciliation had proved
-abortive, but that she must for ever give over all thoughts of
-bringing it about by any means whatever. From this moment desire of
-revenge only filled her mind; and in this temper meeting Jones at the
-play, an opportunity seemed to her to occur of effecting this purpose.
-
-The reader must remember that he was acquainted by Mrs Fitzpatrick, in
-the account she gave of her own story, with the fondness Mrs Western
-had formerly shewn for Mr Fitzpatrick at Bath, from the disappointment
-of which Mrs Fitzpatrick derived the great bitterness her aunt had
-expressed toward her. She had, therefore, no doubt but that the good
-lady would as easily listen to the addresses of Mr Jones as she had
-before done to the other; for the superiority of charms was clearly on
-the side of Mr Jones; and the advance which her aunt had since made in
-age, she concluded (how justly I will not say), was an argument rather
-in favour of her project than against it.
-
-Therefore, when Jones attended, after a previous declaration of her
-desire of serving him, arising, as she said, from a firm assurance how
-much she should by so doing oblige Sophia; and after some excuses for
-her former disappointment, and after acquainting Mr Jones in whose
-custody his mistress was, of which she thought him ignorant; she very
-explicitly mentioned her scheme to him, and advised him to make sham
-addresses to the older lady, in order to procure an easy access to the
-younger, informing him at the same time of the success which Mr
-Fitzpatrick had formerly owed to the very same stratagem.
-
-Mr Jones expressed great gratitude to the lady for the kind intentions
-towards him which she had expressed, and indeed testified, by this
-proposal; but, besides intimating some diffidence of success from the
-lady's knowledge of his love to her niece, which had not been her case
-in regard to Mr Fitzpatrick, he said, he was afraid Miss Western would
-never agree to an imposition of this kind, as well from her utter
-detestation of all fallacy as from her avowed duty to her aunt.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick was a little nettled at this; and indeed, if it may
-not be called a lapse of the tongue, it was a small deviation from
-politeness in Jones, and into which he scarce would have fallen, had
-not the delight he felt in praising Sophia hurried him out of all
-reflection; for this commendation of one cousin was more than a tacit
-rebuke on the other.
-
-"Indeed, sir," answered the lady, with some warmth, "I cannot think
-there is anything easier than to cheat an old woman with a profession
-of love, when her complexion is amorous; and, though she is my aunt, I
-must say there never was a more liquorish one than her ladyship. Can't
-you pretend that the despair of possessing her niece, from her being
-promised to Blifil, has made you turn your thoughts towards her? As to
-my cousin Sophia, I can't imagine her to be such a simpleton as to
-have the least scruple on such an account, or to conceive any harm in
-punishing one of these haggs for the many mischiefs they bring upon
-families by their tragi-comic passions; for which I think it is a pity
-they are not punishable by law. I had no such scruple myself; and yet
-I hope my cousin Sophia will not think it an affront when I say she
-cannot detest every real species of falsehood more than her cousin
-Fitzpatrick. To my aunt, indeed, I pretend no duty, nor doth she
-deserve any. However, sir, I have given you my advice; and if you
-decline pursuing it, I shall have the less opinion of your
-understanding--that's all."
-
-Jones now clearly saw the error he had committed, and exerted his
-utmost power to rectify it; but he only faultered and stuttered into
-nonsense and contradiction. To say the truth, it is often safer to
-abide by the consequences of the first blunder than to endeavour to
-rectify it; for by such endeavours we generally plunge deeper instead
-of extricating ourselves; and few persons will on such occasions have
-the good-nature which Mrs Fitzpatrick displayed to Jones, by saying,
-with a smile, "You need attempt no more excuses; for I can easily
-forgive a real lover, whatever is the effect of fondness for his
-mistress."
-
-She then renewed her proposal, and very fervently recommended it,
-omitting no argument which her invention could suggest on the subject;
-for she was so violently incensed against her aunt, that scarce
-anything was capable of affording her equal pleasure with exposing
-her; and, like a true woman, she would see no difficulties in the
-execution of a favourite scheme.
-
-Jones, however, persisted in declining the undertaking, which had not,
-indeed, the least probability of success. He easily perceived the
-motives which induced Mrs Fitzpatrick to be so eager in pressing her
-advice. He said he would not deny the tender and passionate regard he
-had for Sophia; but was so conscious of the inequality of their
-situations, that he could never flatter himself so far as to hope that
-so divine a young lady would condescend to think on so unworthy a man;
-nay, he protested, he could scarce bring himself to wish she should.
-He concluded with a profession of generous sentiments, which we have
-not at present leisure to insert.
-
-There are some fine women (for I dare not here speak in too general
-terms) with whom self is so predominant, that they never detach it
-from any subject; and, as vanity is with them a ruling principle, they
-are apt to lay hold of whatever praise they meet with; and, though the
-property of others, convey it to their own use. In the company of
-these ladies it is impossible to say anything handsome of another
-woman which they will not apply to themselves; nay, they often improve
-the praise they seize; as, for instance, if her beauty, her wit, her
-gentility, her good humour deserve so much commendation, what do I
-deserve, who possess those qualities in so much more eminent a degree?
-
-To these ladies a man often recommends himself while he is commending
-another woman; and, while he is expressing ardour and generous
-sentiments for his mistress, they are considering what a charming
-lover this man would make to them, who can feel all this tenderness
-for an inferior degree of merit. Of this, strange as it may seem, I
-have seen many instances besides Mrs Fitzpatrick, to whom all this
-really happened, and who now began to feel a somewhat for Mr Jones,
-the symptoms of which she much sooner understood than poor Sophia had
-formerly done.
-
-To say the truth, perfect beauty in both sexes is a more irresistible
-object than it is generally thought; for, notwithstanding some of us
-are contented with more homely lots, and learn by rote (as children to
-repeat what gives them no idea) to despise outside, and to value more
-solid charms; yet I have always observed, at the approach of
-consummate beauty, that these more solid charms only shine with that
-kind of lustre which the stars have after the rising of the sun.
-
-When Jones had finished his exclamations, many of which would have
-become the mouth of Oroöndates himself, Mrs Fitzpatrick heaved a
-deep sigh, and, taking her eyes off from Jones, on whom they had been
-some time fixed, and dropping them on the ground, she cried, "Indeed,
-Mr Jones, I pity you; but it is the curse of such tenderness to be
-thrown away on those who are insensible of it. I know my cousin better
-than you, Mr Jones, and I must say, any woman who makes no return to
-such a passion, and such a person, is unworthy of both."
-
-"Sure, madam," said Jones, "you can't mean----" "Mean!" cries Mrs
-Fitzpatrick, "I know not what I mean; there is something, I think, in
-true tenderness bewitching; few women ever meet with it in men, and
-fewer still know how to value it when they do. I never heard such
-truly noble sentiments, and I can't tell how it is, but you force one
-to believe you. Sure she must be the most contemptible of women who
-can overlook such merit."
-
-The manner and look with which all this was spoke infused a suspicion
-into Jones which we don't care to convey in direct words to the
-reader. Instead of making any answer, he said, "I am afraid, madam, I
-have made too tiresome a visit;" and offered to take his leave.
-
-"Not at all, sir," answered Mrs Fitzpatrick.--"Indeed I pity you, Mr
-Jones; indeed I do: but if you are going, consider of the scheme I
-have mentioned--I am convinced you will approve it--and let me see you
-again as soon as you can.--To-morrow morning if you will, or at least
-some time to-morrow. I shall be at home all day."
-
-Jones, then, after many expressions of thanks, very respectfully
-retired; nor could Mrs Fitzpatrick forbear making him a present of a
-look at parting, by which if he had understood nothing, he must have
-had no understanding in the language of the eyes. In reality, it
-confirmed his resolution of returning to her no more; for, faulty as
-he hath hitherto appeared in this history, his whole thoughts were now
-so confined to his Sophia, that I believe no woman upon earth could
-have now drawn him into an act of inconstancy.
-
-Fortune, however, who was not his friend, resolved, as he intended to
-give her no second opportunity, to make the best of this; and
-accordingly produced the tragical incident which we are now in
-sorrowful notes to record.
-
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-The consequence of the preceding visit.
-
-
-Mr Fitzpatrick having received the letter before mentioned from Mrs
-Western, and being by that means acquainted with the place to which
-his wife was retired, returned directly to Bath, and thence the day
-after set forward to London.
-
-The reader hath been already often informed of the jealous temper of
-this gentleman. He may likewise be pleased to remember the suspicion
-which he had conceived of Jones at Upton, upon his finding him in the
-room with Mrs Waters; and, though sufficient reasons had afterwards
-appeared entirely to clear up that suspicion, yet now the reading so
-handsome a character of Mr Jones from his wife, caused him to reflect
-that she likewise was in the inn at the same time, and jumbled
-together such a confusion of circumstances in a head which was
-naturally none of the clearest, that the whole produced that
-green-eyed monster mentioned by Shakespear in his tragedy of Othello.
-
-And now, as he was enquiring in the street after his wife, and had
-just received directions to the door, unfortunately Mr Jones was
-issuing from it.
-
-Fitzpatrick did not yet recollect the face of Jones; however, seeing a
-young well-dressed fellow coming from his wife, he made directly up to
-him, and asked him what he had been doing in that house? "for I am
-sure," said he, "you must have been in it, as I saw you come out of
-it."
-
-Jones answered very modestly, "That he had been visiting a lady
-there." To which Fitzpatrick replied, "What business have you with the
-lady?" Upon which Jones, who now perfectly remembered the voice,
-features, and indeed coat, of the gentleman, cried out----"Ha, my good
-friend! give me your hand; I hope there is no ill blood remaining
-between us, upon a small mistake which happened so long ago."
-
-"Upon my soul, sir," said Fitzpatrick, "I don't know your name nor
-your face." "Indeed, sir," said Jones, "neither have I the pleasure of
-knowing your name, but your face I very well remember to have seen
-before at Upton, where a foolish quarrel happened between us, which,
-if it is not made up yet, we will now make up over a bottle."
-
-"At Upton!" cried the other;----"Ha! upon my soul, I believe your name
-is Jones?" "Indeed," answered he, "it is."--"O! upon my soul," cries
-Fitzpatrick, "you are the very man I wanted to meet.--Upon my soul I
-will drink a bottle with you presently; but first I will give you a
-great knock over the pate. There is for you, you rascal. Upon my soul,
-if you do not give me satisfaction for that blow, I will give you
-another." And then, drawing his sword, put himself in a posture of
-defence, which was the only science he understood.
-
-Jones was a little staggered by the blow, which came somewhat
-unexpectedly; but presently recovering himself he also drew, and
-though he understood nothing of fencing, prest on so boldly upon
-Fitzpatrick, that he beat down his guard, and sheathed one half of his
-sword in the body of the said gentleman, who had no sooner received it
-than he stept backwards, dropped the point of his sword, and leaning
-upon it, cried, "I have satisfaction enough: I am a dead man."
-
-"I hope not," cries Jones, "but whatever be the consequence, you must
-be sensible you have drawn it upon yourself." At this instant a number
-of fellows rushed in and seized Jones, who told them he should make no
-resistance, and begged some of them at least would take care of the
-wounded gentleman.
-
-"Ay," cries one of the fellows, "the wounded gentleman will be taken
-care enough of; for I suppose he hath not many hours to live. As for
-you, sir, you have a month at least good yet." "D--n me, Jack," said
-another, "he hath prevented his voyage; he's bound to another port
-now;" and many other such jests was our poor Jones made the subject of
-by these fellows, who were indeed the gang employed by Lord Fellamar,
-and had dogged him into the house of Mrs Fitzpatrick, waiting for him
-at the corner of the street when this unfortunate accident happened.
-
-The officer who commanded this gang very wisely concluded that his
-business was now to deliver his prisoner into the hands of the civil
-magistrate. He ordered him, therefore, to be carried to a
-public-house, where, having sent for a constable, he delivered him to
-his custody.
-
-The constable, seeing Mr Jones very well drest, and hearing that the
-accident had happened in a duel, treated his prisoner with great
-civility, and at his request dispatched a messenger to enquire after
-the wounded gentleman, who was now at a tavern under the surgeon's
-hands. The report brought back was, that the wound was certainly
-mortal, and there were no hopes of life. Upon which the constable
-informed Jones that he must go before a justice. He answered,
-"Wherever you please; I am indifferent as to what happens to me; for
-though I am convinced I am not guilty of murder in the eye of the law,
-yet the weight of blood I find intolerable upon my mind."
-
-Jones was now conducted before the justice, where the surgeon who
-dressed Mr Fitzpatrick appeared, and deposed that he believed the
-wound to be mortal; upon which the prisoner was committed to the
-Gatehouse. It was very late at night, so that Jones would not send for
-Partridge till the next morning; and, as he never shut his eyes till
-seven, so it was near twelve before the poor fellow, who was greatly
-frightened at not hearing from his master so long, received a message
-which almost deprived him of his being when he heard it.
-
-He went to the Gatehouse with trembling knees and a beating heart, and
-was no sooner arrived in the presence of Jones than he lamented the
-misfortune that had befallen him with many tears, looking all the
-while frequently about him in great terror; for as the news now
-arrived that Mr Fitzpatrick was dead, the poor fellow apprehended
-every minute that his ghost would enter the room. At last he delivered
-him a letter, which he had like to have forgot, and which came from
-Sophia by the hands of Black George.
-
-Jones presently dispatched every one out of the room, and, having
-eagerly broke open the letter, read as follows:--
-
-  "You owe the hearing from me again to an accident which I own
-  surprizes me. My aunt hath just now shown me a letter from you to
-  Lady Bellaston, which contains a proposal of marriage. I am
-  convinced it is your own hand; and what more surprizes me is, that
-  it is dated at the very time when you would have me imagine you was
-  under such concern on my account.--I leave you to comment on this
-  fact. All I desire is, that your name may never more be mentioned
-  to
-
-                                              "S. W."
-
-Of the present situation of Mr Jones's mind, and of the pangs with
-which he was now tormented, we cannot give the reader a better idea
-than by saying, his misery was such that even Thwackum would almost
-have pitied him. But, bad as it is, we shall at present leave him in
-it, as his good genius (if he really had any) seems to have done. And
-here we put an end to the sixteenth book of our history.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XVII.
-
-CONTAINING THREE DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-Containing a portion of introductory writing.
-
-
-When a comic writer hath made his principal characters as happy as he
-can, or when a tragic writer hath brought them to the highest pitch of
-human misery, they both conclude their business to be done, and that
-their work is come to a period.
-
-Had we been of the tragic complexion, the reader must now allow we
-were very nearly arrived at this period, since it would be difficult
-for the devil, or any of his representatives on earth, to have
-contrived much greater torments for poor Jones than those in which we
-left him in the last chapter; and as for Sophia, a good-natured woman
-would hardly wish more uneasiness to a rival than what she must at
-present be supposed to feel. What then remains to complete the tragedy
-but a murder or two and a few moral sentences!
-
-But to bring our favourites out of their present anguish and distress,
-and to land them at last on the shore of happiness, seems a much
-harder task; a task indeed so hard that we do not undertake to execute
-it. In regard to Sophia, it is more than probable that we shall
-somewhere or other provide a good husband for her in the end--either
-Blifil, or my lord, or somebody else; but as to poor Jones, such are
-the calamities in which he is at present involved, owing to his
-imprudence, by which if a man doth not become felon to the world, he
-is at least a _felo de se_; so destitute is he now of friends, and so
-persecuted by enemies, that we almost despair of bringing him to any
-good; and if our reader delights in seeing executions, I think he
-ought not to lose any time in taking a first row at Tyburn.
-
-This I faithfully promise, that, notwithstanding any affection which
-we may be supposed to have for this rogue, whom we have unfortunately
-made our heroe, we will lend him none of that supernatural assistance
-with which we are entrusted, upon condition that we use it only on
-very important occasions. If he doth not therefore find some natural
-means of fairly extricating himself from all his distresses, we will
-do no violence to the truth and dignity of history for his sake; for
-we had rather relate that he was hanged at Tyburn (which may very
-probably be the case) than forfeit our integrity, or shock the faith
-of our reader.
-
-In this the antients had a great advantage over the moderns. Their
-mythology, which was at that time more firmly believed by the vulgar
-than any religion is at present, gave them always an opportunity of
-delivering a favourite heroe. Their deities were always ready at the
-writer's elbow, to execute any of his purposes; and the more
-extraordinary the invention was, the greater was the surprize and
-delight of the credulous reader. Those writers could with greater ease
-have conveyed a heroe from one country to another, nay from one world
-to another, and have brought him back again, than a poor circumscribed
-modern can deliver him from a jail.
-
-The Arabians and Persians had an equal advantage in writing their
-tales from the genii and fairies, which they believe in as an article
-of their faith, upon the authority of the Koran itself. But we have
-none of these helps. To natural means alone we are confined; let us
-try therefore what, by these means, may be done for poor Jones; though
-to confess the truth, something whispers me in the ear that he doth
-not yet know the worst of his fortune; and that a more shocking piece
-of news than any he hath yet heard remains for him in the unopened
-leaves of fate.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-The generous and grateful behaviour of Mrs Miller.
-
-
-Mr Allworthy and Mrs Miller were just sat down to breakfast, when
-Blifil, who had gone out very early that morning, returned to make one
-of the company.
-
-He had not been long seated before he began as follows: "Good Lord! my
-dear uncle, what do you think hath happened? I vow I am afraid of
-telling it you, for fear of shocking you with the remembrance of ever
-having shewn any kindness to such a villain." "What is the matter,
-child?" said the uncle. "I fear I have shewn kindness in my life to
-the unworthy more than once. But charity doth not adopt the vices of
-its objects." "O, sir!" returned Blifil, "it is not without the secret
-direction of Providence that you mention the word adoption. Your
-adopted son, sir, that Jones, that wretch whom you nourished in your
-bosom, hath proved one of the greatest villains upon earth." "By all
-that's sacred 'tis false," cries Mrs Miller. "Mr Jones is no villain.
-He is one of the worthiest creatures breathing; and if any other
-person had called him villain, I would have thrown all this boiling
-water in his face." Mr Allworthy looked very much amazed at this
-behaviour. But she did not give him leave to speak, before, turning to
-him, she cried, "I hope you will not be angry with me; I would not
-offend you, sir, for the world; but, indeed, I could not bear to hear
-him called so." "I must own, madam," said Allworthy, very gravely, "I
-am a little surprized to hear you so warmly defend a fellow you do not
-know." "O! I do know him, Mr Allworthy," said she, "indeed I do; I
-should be the most ungrateful of all wretches if I denied it. O! he
-hath preserved me and my little family; we have all reason to bless
-him while we live.--And I pray Heaven to bless him, and turn the
-hearts of his malicious enemies. I know, I find, I see, he hath such."
-"You surprize me, madam, still more," said Allworthy; "sure you must
-mean some other. It is impossible you should have any such obligations
-to the man my nephew mentions." "Too surely," answered she, "I have
-obligations to him of the greatest and tenderest kind. He hath been
-the preserver of me and mine. Believe me, sir, he hath been abused,
-grossly abused to you; I know he hath, or you, whom I know to be all
-goodness and honour, would not, after the many kind and tender things
-I have heard you say of this poor helpless child, have so disdainfully
-called him fellow.--Indeed, my best of friends, he deserves a kinder
-appellation from you, had you heard the good, the kind, the grateful
-things which I have heard him utter of you. He never mentions your
-name but with a sort of adoration. In this very room I have seen him
-on his knees, imploring all the blessings of heaven upon your head. I
-do not love that child there better than he loves you."
-
-"I see, sir, now," said Blifil, with one of those grinning sneers with
-which the devil marks his best beloved, "Mrs Miller really doth know
-him. I suppose you will find she is not the only one of your
-acquaintance to whom he hath exposed you. As for my character, I
-perceive, by some hints she hath thrown out, he hath been very free
-with it, but I forgive him." "And the Lord forgive you, sir!" said Mrs
-Miller; "we have all sins enough to stand in need of his forgiveness."
-
-"Upon my word, Mrs Miller," said Allworthy, "I do not take this
-behaviour of yours to my nephew kindly; and I do assure you, as any
-reflections which you cast upon him must come only from that wickedest
-of men, they would only serve, if that were possible, to heighten my
-resentment against him: for I must tell you, Mrs Miller, the young man
-who now stands before you hath ever been the warmest advocate for the
-ungrateful wretch whose cause you espouse. This, I think, when you
-hear it from my own mouth, will make you wonder at so much baseness
-and ingratitude."
-
-"You are deceived, sir," answered Mrs Miller; "if they were the last
-words which were to issue from my lips, I would say you were deceived;
-and I once more repeat it, the Lord forgive those who have deceived
-you! I do not pretend to say the young man is without faults; but they
-are all the faults of wildness and of youth; faults which he may, nay,
-which I am certain he will, relinquish, and, if he should not, they
-are vastly overbalanced by one of the most humane, tender, honest
-hearts that ever man was blest with."
-
-"Indeed, Mrs Miller," said Allworthy, "had this been related of you, I
-should not have believed it." "Indeed, sir," answered she, "you will
-believe everything I have said, I am sure you will: and when you have
-heard the story which I shall tell you (for I will tell you all), you
-will be so far from being offended, that you will own (I know your
-justice so well), that I must have been the most despicable and most
-ungrateful of wretches if I had acted any other part than I have."
-
-"Well, madam," said Allworthy, "I shall be very glad to hear any good
-excuse for a behaviour which, I must confess, I think wants an excuse.
-And now, madam, will you be pleased to let my nephew proceed in his
-story without interruption. He would not have introduced a matter of
-slight consequence with such a preface. Perhaps even this story will
-cure you of your mistake."
-
-Mrs Miller gave tokens of submission, and then Mr Blifil began thus:
-"I am sure, sir, if you don't think proper to resent the ill-usage of
-Mrs Miller, I shall easily forgive what affects me only. I think your
-goodness hath not deserved this indignity at her hands." "Well,
-child," said Allworthy, "but what is this new instance? What hath he
-done of late?" "What," cries Blifil, "notwithstanding all Mrs Miller
-hath said, I am very sorry to relate, and what you should never have
-heard from me, had it not been a matter impossible to conceal from the
-whole world. In short he hath killed a man; I will not say
-murdered--for perhaps it may not be so construed in law, and I hope
-the best for his sake."
-
-Allworthy looked shocked, and blessed himself; and then, turning to
-Mrs Miller, he cried, "Well, madam, what say you now?"
-
-"Why, I say, sir," answered she, "that I never was more concerned at
-anything in my life; but, if the fact be true, I am convinced the man,
-whoever he is, was in fault. Heaven knows there are many villains in
-this town who make it their business to provoke young gentlemen.
-Nothing but the greatest provocation could have tempted him; for of
-all the gentlemen I ever had in my house, I never saw one so gentle or
-so sweet-tempered. He was beloved by every one in the house, and every
-one who came near it."
-
-While she was thus running on, a violent knocking at the door
-interrupted their conversation, and prevented her from proceeding
-further, or from receiving any answer; for, as she concluded this was
-a visitor to Mr Allworthy, she hastily retired, taking with her her
-little girl, whose eyes were all over blubbered at the melancholy news
-she heard of Jones, who used to call her his little wife, and not only
-gave her many playthings, but spent whole hours in playing with her
-himself.
-
-Some readers may, perhaps, be pleased with these minute circumstances,
-in relating of which we follow the example of Plutarch, one of the
-best of our brother historians; and others, to whom they may appear
-trivial, will, we hope, at least pardon them, as we are never prolix
-on such occasions.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning the paternal
-authority.
-
-
-Mrs Miller had not long left the room when Mr Western entered; but not
-before a small wrangling bout had passed between him and his chairmen;
-for the fellows, who had taken up their burden at the Hercules
-Pillars, had conceived no hopes of having any future good customer in
-the squire; and they were moreover farther encouraged by his
-generosity (for he had given them of his own accord sixpence more than
-their fare); they therefore very boldly demanded another shilling,
-which so provoked the squire, that he not only bestowed many hearty
-curses on them at the door, but retained his anger after he came into
-the room; swearing that all the Londoners were like the court, and
-thought of nothing but plundering country gentlemen. "D--n me," says
-he, "if I won't walk in the rain rather than get into one of their
-hand-barrows again. They have jolted me more in a mile than Brown Bess
-would in a long fox-chase."
-
-When his wrath on this occasion was a little appeased, he resumed the
-same passionate tone on another. "There," says he, "there is fine
-business forwards now. The hounds have changed at last; and when we
-imagined we had a fox to deal with, od-rat it, it turns out to be a
-badger at last!"
-
-"Pray, my good neighbour," said Allworthy, "drop your metaphors, and
-speak a little plainer." "Why, then," says the squire, "to tell you
-plainly, we have been all this time afraid of a son of a whore of a
-bastard of somebody's, I don't know whose, not I. And now here's a
-confounded son of a whore of a lord, who may be a bastard too for what
-I know or care, for he shall never have a daughter of mine by my
-consent. They have beggared the nation, but they shall never beggar
-me. My land shall never be sent over to Hanover."
-
-"You surprize me much, my good friend," said Allworthy. "Why, zounds!
-I am surprized myself," answered the squire. "I went to zee sister
-Western last night, according to her own appointment, and there I was
-had into a whole room full of women. There was my lady cousin
-Bellaston, and my Lady Betty, and my Lady Catherine, and my lady I
-don't know who; d--n me, if ever you catch me among such a kennel of
-hoop-petticoat b--s! D--n me, I'd rather be run by my own dogs, as one
-Acton was, that the story-book says was turned into a hare, and his
-own dogs killed un and eat un. Od-rabbit it, no mortal was ever run in
-such a manner; if I dodged one way, one had me; if I offered to clap
-back, another snapped me. `O! certainly one of the greatest matches in
-England,' says one cousin (here he attempted to mimic them); `A very
-advantageous offer indeed,' cries another cousin (for you must know
-they be all my cousins, thof I never zeed half o' um before).
-`Surely,' says that fat a--se b--, my Lady Bellaston, `cousin, you
-must be out of your wits to think of refusing such an offer.'"
-
-"Now I begin to understand," says Allworthy; "some person hath made
-proposals to Miss Western, which the ladies of the family approve, but
-is not to your liking."
-
-"My liking!" said Western, "how the devil should it? I tell you it is
-a lord, and those are always volks whom you know I always resolved to
-have nothing to do with. Did unt I refuse a matter of vorty years'
-purchase now for a bit of land, which one o' um had a mind to put into
-a park, only because I would have no dealings with lords, and dost
-think I would marry my daughter zu? Besides, ben't I engaged to you,
-and did I ever go off any bargain when I had promised?"
-
-"As to that point, neighbour," said Allworthy, "I entirely release you
-from any engagement. No contract can be binding between parties who
-have not a full power to make it at the time, nor ever afterwards
-acquire the power of fulfilling it."
-
-"Slud! then," answered Western, "I tell you I have power, and I will
-fulfil it. Come along with me directly to Doctors' Commons, I will get
-a licence; and I will go to sister and take away the wench by force,
-and she shall ha un, or I will lock her up, and keep her upon bread
-and water as long as she lives."
-
-"Mr Western," said Allworthy, "shall I beg you will hear my full
-sentiments on this matter?"--"Hear thee; ay, to be sure I will,"
-answered he. "Why, then, sir," cries Allworthy, "I can truly say,
-without a compliment either to you or the young lady, that when this
-match was proposed, I embraced it very readily and heartily, from my
-regard to you both. An alliance between two families so nearly
-neighbours, and between whom there had always existed so mutual an
-intercourse and good harmony, I thought a most desirable event; and
-with regard to the young lady, not only the concurrent opinion of all
-who knew her, but my own observation assured me that she would be an
-inestimable treasure to a good husband. I shall say nothing of her
-personal qualifications, which certainly are admirable; her good
-nature, her charitable disposition, her modesty, are too well known to
-need any panegyric: but she hath one quality which existed in a high
-degree in that best of women, who is now one of the first of angels,
-which, as it is not of a glaring kind, more commonly escapes
-observation; so little indeed is it remarked, that I want a word to
-express it. I must use negatives on this occasion. I never heard
-anything of pertness, or what is called repartee, out of her mouth; no
-pretence to wit, much less to that kind of wisdom which is the result
-only of great learning and experience, the affectation of which, in a
-young woman, is as absurd as any of the affectations of an ape. No
-dictatorial sentiments, no judicial opinions, no profound criticisms.
-Whenever I have seen her in the company of men, she hath been all
-attention, with the modesty of a learner, not the forwardness of a
-teacher. You'll pardon me for it, but I once, to try her only, desired
-her opinion on a point which was controverted between Mr Thwackum and
-Mr Square. To which she answered, with much sweetness, `You will
-pardon me, good Mr Allworthy; I am sure you cannot in earnest think me
-capable of deciding any point in which two such gentlemen disagree.'
-Thwackum and Square, who both alike thought themselves sure of a
-favourable decision, seconded my request. She answered with the same
-good humour, `I must absolutely be excused: for I will affront neither
-so much as to give my judgment on his side.' Indeed, she always shewed
-the highest deference to the understandings of men; a quality
-absolutely essential to the making a good wife. I shall only add, that
-as she is most apparently void of all affectation, this deference must
-be certainly real."
-
-Here Blifil sighed bitterly; upon which Western, whose eyes were full
-of tears at the praise of Sophia, blubbered out, "Don't be
-chicken-hearted, for shat ha her, d--n me, shat ha her, if she was
-twenty times as good."
-
-"Remember your promise, sir," cried Allworthy, "I was not to be
-interrupted." "Well, shat unt," answered the squire; "I won't speak
-another word."
-
-"Now, my good friend," continued Allworthy, "I have dwelt so long on
-the merit of this young lady, partly as I really am in love with her
-character, and partly that fortune (for the match in that light is
-really advantageous on my nephew's side) might not be imagined to be
-my principal view in having so eagerly embraced the proposal. Indeed,
-I heartily wished to receive so great a jewel into my family; but
-though I may wish for many good things, I would not, therefore, steal
-them, or be guilty of any violence or injustice to possess myself of
-them. Now to force a woman into a marriage contrary to her consent or
-approbation, is an act of such injustice and oppression, that I wish
-the laws of our country could restrain it; but a good conscience is
-never lawless in the worst regulated state, and will provide those
-laws for itself, which the neglect of legislators hath forgotten to
-supply. This is surely a case of that kind; for, is it not cruel, nay,
-impious, to force a woman into that state against her will; for her
-behaviour in which she is to be accountable to the highest and most
-dreadful court of judicature, and to answer at the peril of her soul?
-To discharge the matrimonial duties in an adequate manner is no easy
-task; and shall we lay this burthen upon a woman, while we at the same
-time deprive her of all that assistance which may enable her to
-undergo it? Shall we tear her very heart from her, while we enjoin her
-duties to which a whole heart is scarce equal? I must speak very
-plainly here. I think parents who act in this manner are accessories
-to all the guilt which their children afterwards incur, and of course
-must, before a just judge, expect to partake of their punishment; but
-if they could avoid this, good heaven! is there a soul who can bear
-the thought of having contributed to the damnation of his child?
-
-"For these reasons, my best neighbour, as I see the inclinations of
-this young lady are most unhappily averse to my nephew, I must decline
-any further thoughts of the honour you intended him, though I assure
-you I shall always retain the most grateful sense of it."
-
-"Well, sir," said Western (the froth bursting forth from his lips the
-moment they were uncorked), "you cannot say but I have heard you out,
-and now I expect you'll hear me; and if I don't answer every word
-on't, why then I'll consent to gee the matter up. First then, I
-desire you to answer me one question--Did not I beget her? did not I
-beget her? answer me that. They say, indeed, it is a wise father that
-knows his own child; but I am sure I have the best title to her, for
-I bred her up. But I believe you will allow me to be her father, and
-if I be, am I not to govern my own child? I ask you that, am I not to
-govern my own child? and if I am to govern her in other matters,
-surely I am to govern her in this, which concerns her most. And what
-am I desiring all this while? Am I desiring her to do anything for
-me? to give me anything?--Zu much on t'other side, that I am only
-desiring her to take away half my estate now, and t'other half when I
-die. Well, and what is it all vor? Why, is unt it to make her happy?
-It's enough to make one mad to hear volks talk; if I was going to
-marry myself, then she would ha reason to cry and to blubber; but, on
-the contrary, han't I offered to bind down my land in such a manner,
-that I could not marry if I would, seeing as narro' woman upon earth
-would ha me. What the devil in hell can I do more? I contribute to
-her damnation!--Zounds! I'd zee all the world d--n'd bevore her
-little vinger should be hurt. Indeed, Mr Allworthy, you must excuse
-me, but I am surprized to hear you talk in zuch a manner, and I must
-say, take it how you will, that I thought you had more sense."
-
-Allworthy resented this reflection only with a smile; nor could he, if
-he would have endeavoured it, have conveyed into that smile any
-mixture of malice or contempt. His smiles at folly were indeed such as
-we may suppose the angels bestow on the absurdities of mankind.
-
-Blifil now desired to be permitted to speak a few words. "As to using
-any violence on the young lady, I am sure I shall never consent to it.
-My conscience will not permit me to use violence on any one, much less
-on a lady for whom, however cruel she is to me, I shall always
-preserve the purest and sincerest affection; but yet I have read that
-women are seldom proof against perseverance. Why may I not hope then
-by such perseverance at last to gain those inclinations, in which for
-the future I shall, perhaps, have no rival; for as for this lord, Mr
-Western is so kind to prefer me to him; and sure, sir, you will not
-deny but that a parent hath at least a negative voice in these
-matters; nay, I have heard this very young lady herself say so more
-than once, and declare that she thought children inexcusable who
-married in direct opposition to the will of their parents. Besides,
-though the other ladies of the family seem to favour the pretensions
-of my lord, I do not find the lady herself is inclined to give him any
-countenance; alas! I am too well assured she is not; I am too sensible
-that wickedest of men remains uppermost in her heart."
-
-"Ay, ay, so he does," cries Western.
-
-"But surely," says Blifil, "when she hears of this murder which he
-hath committed, if the law should spare his life----"
-
-"What's that?" cries Western. "Murder! hath he committed a murder, and
-is there any hopes of seeing him hanged?--Tol de rol, tol lol de rol."
-Here he fell a singing and capering about the room.
-
-"Child," says Allworthy, "this unhappy passion of yours distresses me
-beyond measure. I heartily pity you, and would do every fair thing to
-promote your success."
-
-"I desire no more," cries Blifil; "I am convinced my dear uncle hath a
-better opinion of me than to think that I myself would accept of
-more."
-
-"Lookee," says Allworthy, "you have my leave to write, to visit, if
-she will permit it--but I insist on no thoughts of violence. I will
-have no confinement, nothing of that kind attempted."
-
-"Well, well," cries the squire, "nothing of that kind shall be
-attempted; we will try a little longer what fair means will effect;
-and if this fellow be but hanged out of the way--Tol lol de rol! I
-never heard better news in my life--I warrant everything goes to my
-mind.--Do, prithee, dear Allworthy, come and dine with me at the
-Hercules Pillars: I have bespoke a shoulder of mutton roasted, and a
-spare-rib of pork, and a fowl and egg-sauce. There will be nobody but
-ourselves, unless we have a mind to have the landlord; for I have sent
-Parson Supple down to Basingstoke after my tobacco-box, which I left
-at an inn there, and I would not lose it for the world; for it is an
-old acquaintance of above twenty years' standing. I can tell you
-landlord is a vast comical bitch, you will like un hugely."
-
-Mr Allworthy at last agreed to this invitation, and soon after the
-squire went off, singing and capering at the hopes of seeing the
-speedy tragical end of poor Jones.
-
-When he was gone, Mr Allworthy resumed the aforesaid subject with much
-gravity. He told his nephew, "He wished with all his heart he would
-endeavour to conquer a passion, in which I cannot," says he, "flatter
-you with any hopes of succeeding. It is certainly a vulgar error, that
-aversion in a woman may be conquered by perseverance. Indifference
-may, perhaps, sometimes yield to it; but the usual triumphs gained by
-perseverance in a lover are over caprice, prudence, affectation, and
-often an exorbitant degree of levity, which excites women not
-over-warm in their constitutions to indulge their vanity by prolonging
-the time of courtship, even when they are well enough pleased with the
-object, and resolve (if they ever resolve at all) to make him a very
-pitiful amends in the end. But a fixed dislike, as I am afraid this
-is, will rather gather strength than be conquered by time. Besides, my
-dear, I have another apprehension which you must excuse. I am afraid
-this passion which you have for this fine young creature hath her
-beautiful person too much for its object, and is unworthy of the name
-of that love which is the only foundation of matrimonial felicity. To
-admire, to like, and to long for the possession of a beautiful woman,
-without any regard to her sentiments towards us, is, I am afraid, too
-natural; but love, I believe, is the child of love only; at least, I
-am pretty confident that to love the creature who we are assured hates
-us is not in human nature. Examine your heart, therefore, thoroughly,
-my good boy, and if, upon examination, you have but the least
-suspicion of this kind, I am sure your own virtue and religion will
-impel you to drive so vicious a passion from your heart, and your good
-sense will soon enable you to do it without pain."
-
-The reader may pretty well guess Blifil's answer; but, if he should be
-at a loss, we are not at present at leisure to satisfy him, as our
-history now hastens on to matters of higher importance, and we can no
-longer bear to be absent from Sophia.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-An extraordinary scene between Sophia and her aunt.
-
-
-The lowing heifer and the bleating ewe, in herds and flocks, may
-ramble safe and unregarded through the pastures. These are, indeed,
-hereafter doomed to be the prey of man; yet many years are they
-suffered to enjoy their liberty undisturbed. But if a plump doe be
-discovered to have escaped from the forest, and to repose herself in
-some field or grove, the whole parish is presently alarmed, every man
-is ready to set his dogs after her; and, if she is preserved from the
-rest by the good squire, it is only that he may secure her for his own
-eating.
-
-I have often considered a very fine young woman of fortune and
-fashion, when first found strayed from the pale of her nursery, to be
-in pretty much the same situation with this doe. The town is
-immediately in an uproar; she is hunted from park to play, from court
-to assembly, from assembly to her own chamber, and rarely escapes a
-single season from the jaws of some devourer or other; for, if her
-friends protect her from some, it is only to deliver her over to one
-of their own chusing, often more disagreeable to her than any of the
-rest; while whole herds or flocks of other women securely, and scarce
-regarded, traverse the park, the play, the opera, and the assembly;
-and though, for the most part at least, they are at last devoured, yet
-for a long time do they wanton in liberty, without disturbance or
-controul.
-
-Of all these paragons none ever tasted more of this persecution than
-poor Sophia. Her ill stars were not contented with all that she had
-suffered on account of Blifil, they now raised her another pursuer,
-who seemed likely to torment her no less than the other had done. For
-though her aunt was less violent, she was no less assiduous in teizing
-her, than her father had been before.
-
-The servants were no sooner departed after dinner than Mrs Western,
-who had opened the matter to Sophia, informed her, "That she expected
-his lordship that very afternoon, and intended to take the first
-opportunity of leaving her alone with him." "If you do, madam,"
-answered Sophia, with some spirit, "I shall take the first opportunity
-of leaving him by himself." "How! madam!" cries the aunt; "is this the
-return you make me for my kindness in relieving you from your
-confinement at your father's?" "You know, madam," said Sophia, "the
-cause of that confinement was a refusal to comply with my father in
-accepting a man I detested; and will my dear aunt, who hath relieved
-me from that distress, involve me in another equally bad?" "And do you
-think then, madam," answered Mrs Western, "that there is no difference
-between my Lord Fellamar and Mr Blifil?" "Very little, in my opinion,"
-cries Sophia; "and, if I must be condemned to one, I would certainly
-have the merit of sacrificing myself to my father's pleasure." "Then
-my pleasure, I find," said the aunt, "hath very little weight with
-you; but that consideration shall not move me. I act from nobler
-motives. The view of aggrandizing my family, of ennobling yourself, is
-what I proceed upon. Have you no sense of ambition? Are there no
-charms in the thoughts of having a coronet on your coach?" "None, upon
-my honour," said Sophia. "A pincushion upon my coach would please me
-just as well." "Never mention honour," cries the aunt. "It becomes not
-the mouth of such a wretch. I am sorry, niece, you force me to use
-these words, but I cannot bear your groveling temper; you have none of
-the blood of the Westerns in you. But, however mean and base your own
-ideas are, you shall bring no imputation on mine. I will never suffer
-the world to say of me that I encouraged you in refusing one of the
-best matches in England; a match which, besides its advantage in
-fortune, would do honour to almost any family, and hath, indeed, in
-title, the advantage of ours." "Surely," says Sophia, "I am born
-deficient, and have not the senses with which other people are
-blessed; there must be certainly some sense which can relish the
-delights of sound and show, which I have not; for surely mankind would
-not labour so much, nor sacrifice so much for the obtaining, nor would
-they be so elate and proud with possessing, what appeared to them, as
-it doth to me, the most insignificant of all trifles."
-
-"No, no, miss," cries the aunt; "you are born with as many senses as
-other people; but I assure you you are not born with a sufficient
-understanding to make a fool of me, or to expose my conduct to the
-world; so I declare this to you, upon my word, and you know, I
-believe, how fixed my resolutions are, unless you agree to see his
-lordship this afternoon, I will, with my own hands, deliver you
-to-morrow morning to my brother, and will never henceforth interfere
-with you, nor see your face again." Sophia stood a few moments silent
-after this speech, which was uttered in a most angry and peremptory
-tone; and then, bursting into tears, she cryed, "Do with me, madam,
-whatever you please; I am the most miserable undone wretch upon earth;
-if my dear aunt forsakes me where shall I look for a protector?" "My
-dear niece," cries she, "you will have a very good protector in his
-lordship; a protector whom nothing but a hankering after that vile
-fellow Jones can make you decline." "Indeed, madam," said Sophia, "you
-wrong me. How can you imagine, after what you have shewn me, if I had
-ever any such thoughts, that I should not banish them for ever? If it
-will satisfy you, I will receive the sacrament upon it never to see
-his face again." "But, child, dear child," said the aunt, "be
-reasonable; can you invent a single objection?" "I have already, I
-think, told you a sufficient objection," answered Sophia. "What?"
-cries the aunt; "I remember none." "Sure, madam," said Sophia, "I told
-you he had used me in the rudest and vilest manner." "Indeed, child,"
-answered she, "I never heard you, or did not understand you:--but what
-do you mean by this rude, vile manner?" "Indeed, madam," said Sophia,
-"I am almost ashamed to tell you. He caught me in his arms, pulled me
-down upon the settee, and thrust his hand into my bosom, and kissed it
-with such violence that I have the mark upon my left breast at this
-moment." "Indeed!" said Mrs Western. "Yes, indeed, madam," answered
-Sophia; "my father luckily came in at that instant, or Heaven knows
-what rudeness he intended to have proceeded to." "I am astonished and
-confounded," cries the aunt. "No woman of the name of Western hath
-been ever treated so since we were a family. I would have torn the
-eyes of a prince out, if he had attempted such freedoms with me. It is
-impossible! sure, Sophia, you must invent this to raise my indignation
-against him." "I hope, madam," said Sophia, "you have too good an
-opinion of me to imagine me capable of telling an untruth. Upon my
-soul it is true." "I should have stabbed him to the heart, had I been
-present," returned the aunt. "Yet surely he could have no
-dishonourable design; it is impossible! he durst not: besides, his
-proposals shew he hath not; for they are not only honourable, but
-generous. I don't know; the age allows too great freedoms. A distant
-salute is all I would have allowed before the ceremony. I have had
-lovers formerly, not so long ago neither; several lovers, though I
-never would consent to marriage, and I never encouraged the least
-freedom. It is a foolish custom, and what I never would agree to. No
-man kissed more of me than my cheek. It is as much as one can bring
-oneself to give lips up to a husband; and, indeed, could I ever have
-been persuaded to marry, I believe I should not have soon been brought
-to endure so much." "You will pardon me, dear madam," said Sophia, "if
-I make one observation: you own you have had many lovers, and the
-world knows it, even if you should deny it. You refused them all, and,
-I am convinced, one coronet at least among them." "You say true, dear
-Sophy," answered she; "I had once the offer of a title." "Why, then,"
-said Sophia, "will you not suffer me to refuse this once?" "It is
-true, child," said she, "I have refused the offer of a title; but it
-was not so good an offer; that is, not so very, very good an
-offer."--"Yes, madam," said Sophia; "but you have had very great
-proposals from men of vast fortunes. It was not the first, nor the
-second, nor the third advantageous match that offered itself." "I own
-it was not," said she. "Well, madam," continued Sophia, "and why may
-not I expect to have a second, perhaps, better than this? You are now
-but a young woman, and I am convinced would not promise to yield to
-the first lover of fortune, nay, or of title too. I am a very young
-woman, and sure I need not despair." "Well, my dear, dear Sophy,"
-cries the aunt, "what would you have me say?" "Why, I only beg that I
-may not be left alone, at least this evening; grant me that, and I
-will submit, if you think, after what is past, I ought to see him in
-your company." "Well, I will grant it," cries the aunt. "Sophy, you
-know I love you, and can deny you nothing. You know the easiness of my
-nature; I have not always been so easy. I have been formerly thought
-cruel; by the men, I mean. I was called the cruel Parthenissa. I have
-broke many a window that has had verses to the cruel Parthenissa in
-it. Sophy, I was never so handsome as you, and yet I had something of
-you formerly. I am a little altered. Kingdoms and states, as Tully
-Cicero says in his epistles, undergo alterations, and so must the
-human form." Thus run she on for near half an hour upon herself, and
-her conquests, and her cruelty, till the arrival of my lord, who,
-after a most tedious visit, during which Mrs Western never once
-offered to leave the room, retired, not much more satisfied with the
-aunt than with the niece; for Sophia had brought her aunt into so
-excellent a temper, that she consented to almost everything her niece
-said; and agreed that a little distant behaviour might not be improper
-to so forward a lover.
-
-Thus Sophia, by a little well-directed flattery, for which surely none
-will blame her, obtained a little ease for herself, and, at least, put
-off the evil day. And now we have seen our heroine in a better
-situation than she hath been for a long time before, we will look a
-little after Mr Jones, whom we left in the most deplorable situation
-that can be well imagined.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-Mrs Miller and Mr Nightingale visit Jones in the prison.
-
-
-When Mr Allworthy and his nephew went to meet Mr Western, Mrs Miller
-set forwards to her son-in-law's lodgings, in order to acquaint him
-with the accident which had befallen his friend Jones; but he had
-known it long before from Partridge (for Jones, when he left Mrs
-Miller, had been furnished with a room in the same house with Mr
-Nightingale). The good woman found her daughter under great affliction
-on account of Mr Jones, whom having comforted as well as she could,
-she set forwards to the Gatehouse, where she heard he was, and where
-Mr Nightingale was arrived before her.
-
-The firmness and constancy of a true friend is a circumstance so
-extremely delightful to persons in any kind of distress, that the
-distress itself, if it be only temporary, and admits of relief, is
-more than compensated by bringing this comfort with it. Nor are
-instances of this kind so rare as some superficial and inaccurate
-observers have reported. To say the truth, want of compassion is not
-to be numbered among our general faults. The black ingredient which
-fouls our disposition is envy. Hence our eye is seldom, I am afraid,
-turned upward to those who are manifestly greater, better, wiser, or
-happier than ourselves, without some degree of malignity; while we
-commonly look downwards on the mean and miserable with sufficient
-benevolence and pity. In fact, I have remarked, that most of the
-defects which have discovered themselves in the friendships within my
-observation have arisen from envy only: a hellish vice; and yet one
-from which I have known very few absolutely exempt. But enough of a
-subject which, if pursued, would lead me too far.
-
-Whether it was that Fortune was apprehensive lest Jones should sink
-under the weight of his adversity, and that she might thus lose any
-future opportunity of tormenting him, or whether she really abated
-somewhat of her severity towards him, she seemed a little to relax her
-persecution, by sending him the company of two such faithful friends,
-and what is perhaps more rare, a faithful servant. For Partridge,
-though he had many imperfections, wanted not fidelity; and though fear
-would not suffer him to be hanged for his master, yet the world, I
-believe, could not have bribed him to desert his cause.
-
-While Jones was expressing great satisfaction in the presence of his
-friends, Partridge brought an account that Mr Fitzpatrick was still
-alive, though the surgeon declared that he had very little hopes. Upon
-which, Jones fetching a deep sigh, Nightingale said to him, "My dear
-Tom, why should you afflict yourself so upon an accident, which,
-whatever be the consequence, can be attended with no danger to you,
-and in which your conscience cannot accuse you of having been the
-least to blame? If the fellow should die, what have you done more than
-taken away the life of a ruffian in your own defence? So will the
-coroner's inquest certainly find it; and then you will be easily
-admitted to bail; and, though you must undergo the form of a trial,
-yet it is a trial which many men would stand for you for a shilling."
-"Come, come, Mr Jones," says Mrs Miller, "chear yourself up. I knew
-you could not be the aggressor, and so I told Mr Allworthy, and so he
-shall acknowledge too, before I have done with him."
-
-Jones gravely answered, "That whatever might be his fate, he
-should always lament the having shed the blood of one of his
-fellow-creatures, as one of the highest misfortunes which could
-have befallen him. But I have another misfortune of the tenderest
-kind----O! Mrs Miller, I have lost what I held most dear upon earth."
-"That must be a mistress," said Mrs Miller; "but come, come; I know
-more than you imagine" (for indeed Partridge had blabbed all); "and I
-have heard more than you know. Matters go better, I promise you, than
-you think; and I would not give Blifil sixpence for all the chance
-which he hath of the lady."
-
-"Indeed, my dear friend, indeed," answered Jones, "you are an entire
-stranger to the cause of my grief. If you was acquainted with the
-story, you would allow my case admitted of no comfort. I apprehend no
-danger from Blifil. I have undone myself." "Don't despair," replied
-Mrs Miller; "you know not what a woman can do; and if anything be in
-my power, I promise you I will do it to serve you. It is my duty. My
-son, my dear Mr Nightingale, who is so kind to tell me he hath
-obligations to you on the same account, knows it is my duty. Shall I
-go to the lady myself? I will say anything to her you would have me
-say."
-
-"Thou best of women," cries Jones, taking her by the hand, "talk not
-of obligations to me;--but as you have been so kind to mention it,
-there is a favour which, perhaps, may be in your power. I see you are
-acquainted with the lady (how you came by your information I know
-not), who sits, indeed, very near my heart. If you could contrive to
-deliver this (giving her a paper from his pocket), I shall for ever
-acknowledge your goodness."
-
-"Give it me," said Mrs Miller. "If I see it not in her own possession
-before I sleep, may my next sleep be my last! Comfort yourself, my
-good young man! be wise enough to take warning from past follies, and
-I warrant all shall be well, and I shall yet see you happy with the
-most charming young lady in the world; for I so hear from every one
-she is."
-
-"Believe me, madam," said he, "I do not speak the common cant of one
-in my unhappy situation. Before this dreadful accident happened, I had
-resolved to quit a life of which I was become sensible of the
-wickedness as well as folly. I do assure you, notwithstanding the
-disturbances I have unfortunately occasioned in your house, for which
-I heartily ask your pardon, I am not an abandoned profligate. Though I
-have been hurried into vices, I do not approve a vicious character,
-nor will I ever, from this moment, deserve it."
-
-Mrs Miller expressed great satisfaction in these declarations, in the
-sincerity of which she averred she had an entire faith; and now the
-remainder of the conversation past in the joint attempts of that good
-woman and Mr Nightingale to cheer the dejected spirits of Mr Jones, in
-which they so far succeeded as to leave him much better comforted and
-satisfied than they found him; to which happy alteration nothing so
-much contributed as the kind undertaking of Mrs Miller to deliver his
-letter to Sophia, which he despaired of finding any means to
-accomplish; for when Black George produced the last from Sophia, he
-informed Partridge that she had strictly charged him, on pain of
-having it communicated to her father, not to bring her any answer. He
-was, moreover, not a little pleased to find he had so warm an advocate
-to Mr Allworthy himself in this good woman, who was, in reality, one
-of the worthiest creatures in the world.
-
-After about an hour's visit from the lady (for Nightingale had been
-with him much longer), they both took their leave, promising to return
-to him soon; during which Mrs Miller said she hoped to bring him some
-good news from his mistress, and Mr Nightingale promised to enquire
-into the state of Mr Fitzpatrick's wound, and likewise to find out
-some of the persons who were present at the rencounter.
-
-The former of these went directly in quest of Sophia, whither we
-likewise shall now attend her.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-In which Mrs Miller pays a visit to Sophia.
-
-
-Access to the young lady was by no means difficult; for, as she lived
-now on a perfect friendly footing with her aunt, she was at full
-liberty to receive what visitants she pleased.
-
-Sophia was dressing when she was acquainted that there was a
-gentlewoman below to wait on her. As she was neither afraid, nor
-ashamed, to see any of her own sex, Mrs Miller was immediately
-admitted.
-
-Curtsies and the usual ceremonials between women who are strangers to
-each other, being past, Sophia said, "I have not the pleasure to know
-you, madam." "No, madam," answered Mrs Miller, "and I must beg pardon
-for intruding upon you. But when you know what has induced me to give
-you this trouble, I hope----" "Pray, what is your business, madam?"
-said Sophia, with a little emotion. "Madam, we are not alone," replied
-Mrs Miller, in a low voice. "Go out, Betty," said Sophia.
-
-When Betty was departed, Mrs Miller said, "I was desired, madam, by a
-very unhappy young gentleman, to deliver you this letter." Sophia
-changed colour when she saw the direction, well knowing the hand, and
-after some hesitation, said--"I could not conceive, madam, from your
-appearance, that your business had been of such a nature.--Whomever
-you brought this letter from, I shall not open it. I should be sorry
-to entertain an unjust suspicion of any one; but you are an utter
-stranger to me."
-
-"If you will have patience, madam," answered Mrs Miller, "I will
-acquaint you who I am, and how I came by that letter." "I have no
-curiosity, madam, to know anything," cries Sophia; "but I must insist
-on your delivering that letter back to the person who gave it you."
-
-Mrs Miller then fell upon her knees, and in the most passionate terms
-implored her compassion; to which Sophia answered: "Sure, madam, it is
-surprizing you should be so very strongly interested in the behalf of
-this person. I would not think, madam"--"No, madam," says Mrs Miller,
-"you shall not think anything but the truth. I will tell you all, and
-you will not wonder that I am interested. He is the best-natured
-creature that ever was born."--She then began and related the story of
-Mr Anderson.--After this she cried, "This, madam, this is his
-goodness; but I have much more tender obligations to him. He hath
-preserved my child."--Here, after shedding some tears, she related
-everything concerning that fact, suppressing only those circumstances
-which would have most reflected on her daughter, and concluded with
-saying, "Now, madam, you shall judge whether I can ever do enough for
-so kind, so good, so generous a young man; and sure he is the best and
-worthiest of all human beings."
-
-The alterations in the countenance of Sophia had hitherto been chiefly
-to her disadvantage, and had inclined her complexion to too great
-paleness; but she now waxed redder, if possible, than vermilion, and
-cried, "I know not what to say; certainly what arises from gratitude
-cannot be blamed--But what service can my reading this letter do your
-friend, since I am resolved never----" Mrs Miller fell again to her
-entreaties, and begged to be forgiven, but she could not, she said,
-carry it back. "Well, madam," says Sophia, "I cannot help it, if you
-will force it upon me.--Certainly you may leave it whether I will or
-no." What Sophia meant, or whether she meant anything, I will not
-presume to determine; but Mrs Miller actually understood this as a
-hint, and presently laying the letter down on the table, took her
-leave, having first begged permission to wait again on Sophia; which
-request had neither assent nor denial.
-
-The letter lay upon the table no longer than till Mrs Miller was out
-of sight; for then Sophia opened and read it.
-
-This letter did very little service to his cause; for it consisted of
-little more than confessions of his own unworthiness, and bitter
-lamentations of despair, together with the most solemn protestations
-of his unalterable fidelity to Sophia, of which, he said, he hoped to
-convince her, if he had ever more the honour of being admitted to her
-presence; and that he could account for the letter to Lady Bellaston
-in such a manner, that, though it would not entitle him to her
-forgiveness, he hoped at least to obtain it from her mercy. And
-concluded with vowing that nothing was ever less in his thoughts than
-to marry Lady Bellaston.
-
-Though Sophia read the letter twice over with great attention, his
-meaning still remained a riddle to her; nor could her invention
-suggest to her any means to excuse Jones. She certainly remained very
-angry with him, though indeed Lady Bellaston took up so much of her
-resentment, that her gentle mind had but little left to bestow on any
-other person.
-
-That lady was most unluckily to dine this very day with her aunt
-Western, and in the afternoon they were all three, by appointment, to
-go together to the opera, and thence to Lady Thomas Hatchet's drum.
-Sophia would have gladly been excused from all, but would not
-disoblige her aunt; and as to the arts of counterfeiting illness, she
-was so entirely a stranger to them, that it never once entered into
-her head. When she was drest, therefore, down she went, resolved to
-encounter all the horrors of the day, and a most disagreeable one it
-proved; for Lady Bellaston took every opportunity very civilly and
-slily to insult her; to all which her dejection of spirits disabled
-her from making any return; and, indeed, to confess the truth, she was
-at the very best but an indifferent mistress of repartee.
-
-Another misfortune which befel poor Sophia was the company of Lord
-Fellamar, whom she met at the opera, and who attended her to the drum.
-And though both places were too publick to admit of any
-particularities, and she was farther relieved by the musick at the one
-place, and by the cards at the other, she could not, however, enjoy
-herself in his company; for there is something of delicacy in women,
-which will not suffer them to be even easy in the presence of a man
-whom they know to have pretensions to them which they are disinclined
-to favour.
-
-Having in this chapter twice mentioned a drum, a word which our
-posterity, it is hoped, will not understand in the sense it is here
-applied, we shall, notwithstanding our present haste, stop a moment to
-describe the entertainment here meant, and the rather as we can in a
-moment describe it.
-
-A drum, then, is an assembly of well-dressed persons of both sexes,
-most of whom play at cards, and the rest do nothing at all; while the
-mistress of the house performs the part of the landlady at an inn, and
-like the landlady of an inn prides herself in the number of her
-guests, though she doth not always, like her, get anything by it.
-
-No wonder then, as so much spirits must be required to support any
-vivacity in these scenes of dulness, that we hear persons of fashion
-eternally complaining of the want of them; a complaint confined
-entirely to upper life. How insupportable must we imagine this round
-of impertinence to have been to Sophia at this time; how difficult
-must she have found it to force the appearance of gaiety into her
-looks, when her mind dictated nothing but the tenderest sorrow, and
-when every thought was charged with tormenting ideas!
-
-Night, however, at last restored her to her pillow, where we will
-leave her to soothe her melancholy at least, though incapable we fear
-of rest, and shall pursue our history, which, something whispers us,
-is now arrived at the eve of some great event.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-A pathetic scene between Mr Allworthy and Mrs Miller.
-
-
-Mrs Miller had a long discourse with Mr Allworthy, at his return from
-dinner, in which she acquainted him with Jones's having unfortunately
-lost all which he was pleased to bestow on him at their separation;
-and with the distresses to which that loss had subjected him; of all
-which she had received a full account from the faithful retailer
-Partridge. She then explained the obligations she had to Jones; not
-that she was entirely explicit with regard to her daughter; for though
-she had the utmost confidence in Mr Allworthy, and though there could
-be no hopes of keeping an affair secret which was unhappily known to
-more than half a dozen, yet she could not prevail with herself to
-mention those circumstances which reflected most on the chastity of
-poor Nancy, but smothered that part of her evidence as cautiously as
-if she had been before a judge, and the girl was now on her trial for
-the murder of a bastard.
-
-Allworthy said, there were few characters so absolutely vicious as not
-to have the least mixture of good in them. "However," says he, "I
-cannot deny but that you have some obligations to the fellow, bad as
-he is, and I shall therefore excuse what hath past already, but must
-insist you never mention his name to me more; for, I promise you, it
-was upon the fullest and plainest evidence that I resolved to take the
-measures I have taken." "Well, sir," says she, "I make not the least
-doubt but time will shew all matters in their true and natural
-colours, and that you will be convinced this poor young man deserves
-better of you than some other folks that shall be nameless."
-
-"Madam," cries Allworthy, a little ruffled, "I will not hear any
-reflections on my nephew; and if ever you say a word more of that
-kind, I will depart from your house that instant. He is the worthiest
-and best of men; and I once more repeat it to you, he hath carried his
-friendship to this man to a blameable length, by too long concealing
-facts of the blackest die. The ingratitude of the wretch to this good
-young man is what I most resent; for, madam, I have the greatest
-reason to imagine he had laid a plot to supplant my nephew in my
-favour, and to have disinherited him."
-
-"I am sure, sir," answered Mrs Miller, a little frightened (for,
-though Mr Allworthy had the utmost sweetness and benevolence in his
-smiles, he had great terror in his frowns), "I shall never speak
-against any gentleman you are pleased to think well of. I am sure,
-sir, such behaviour would very little become me, especially when the
-gentleman is your nearest relation; but, sir, you must not be angry
-with me, you must not indeed, for my good wishes to this poor wretch.
-Sure I may call him so now, though once you would have been angry with
-me if I had spoke of him with the least disrespect. How often have I
-heard you call him your son? How often have you prattled to me of him
-with all the fondness of a parent? Nay, sir, I cannot forget the many
-tender expressions, the many good things you have told me of his
-beauty, and his parts, and his virtues; of his good-nature and
-generosity. I am sure, sir, I cannot forget them, for I find them all
-true. I have experienced them in my own cause. They have preserved my
-family. You must pardon my tears, sir, indeed you must. When I
-consider the cruel reverse of fortune which this poor youth, to whom I
-am so much obliged, hath suffered; when I consider the loss of your
-favour, which I know he valued more than his life, I must, I must
-lament him. If you had a dagger in your hand, ready to plunge into my
-heart, I must lament the misery of one whom you have loved, and I
-shall ever love."
-
-Allworthy was pretty much moved with this speech, but it seemed not to
-be with anger; for, after a short silence, taking Mrs Miller by the
-hand, he said very affectionately to her, "Come, madam, let us
-consider a little about your daughter. I cannot blame you for
-rejoicing in a match which promises to be advantageous to her, but you
-know this advantage, in a great measure, depends on the father's
-reconciliation. I know Mr Nightingale very well, and have formerly had
-concerns with him; I will make him a visit, and endeavour to serve you
-in this matter. I believe he is a worldly man; but as this is an only
-son, and the thing is now irretrievable, perhaps he may in time be
-brought to reason. I promise you I will do all I can for you."
-
-Many were the acknowledgments which the poor woman made to Allworthy
-for this kind and generous offer, nor could she refrain from taking
-this occasion again to express her gratitude towards Jones, "to whom,"
-said she, "I owe the opportunity of giving you, sir, this present
-trouble." Allworthy gently stopped her; but he was too good a man to
-be really offended with the effects of so noble a principle as now
-actuated Mrs Miller; and indeed, had not this new affair inflamed his
-former anger against Jones, it is possible he might have been a little
-softened towards him, by the report of an action which malice itself
-could not have derived from an evil motive.
-
-Mr Allworthy and Mrs Miller had been above an hour together, when
-their conversation was put an end to by the arrival of Blifil and
-another person, which other person was no less than Mr Dowling, the
-attorney, who was now become a great favourite with Mr Blifil, and
-whom Mr Allworthy, at the desire of his nephew, had made his steward;
-and had likewise recommended him to Mr Western, from whom the attorney
-received a promise of being promoted to the same office upon the first
-vacancy; and, in the meantime, was employed in transacting some
-affairs which the squire then had in London in relation to a mortgage.
-
-This was the principal affair which then brought Mr Dowling to town;
-therefore he took the same opportunity to charge himself with some
-money for Mr Allworthy, and to make a report to him of some other
-business; in all which, as it was of much too dull a nature to find
-any place in this history, we will leave the uncle, nephew, and their
-lawyer concerned, and resort to other matters.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Containing various matters.
-
-
-Before we return to Mr Jones, we will take one more view of Sophia.
-
-Though that young lady had brought her aunt into great good humour by
-those soothing methods which we have before related, she had not
-brought her in the least to abate of her zeal for the match with Lord
-Fellamar. This zeal was now inflamed by Lady Bellaston, who had told
-her the preceding evening, that she was well satisfied from the
-conduct of Sophia, and from her carriage to his lordship, that all
-delays would be dangerous, and that the only way to succeed was to
-press the match forward with such rapidity that the young lady should
-have no time to reflect, and be obliged to consent while she scarce
-knew what she did; in which manner, she said, one-half of the
-marriages among people of condition were brought about. A fact very
-probably true, and to which, I suppose, is owing the mutual tenderness
-which afterwards exists among so many happy couples.
-
-A hint of the same kind was given by the same lady to Lord Fellamar;
-and both these so readily embraced the advice that the very next day
-was, at his lordship's request, appointed by Mrs Western for a private
-interview between the young parties. This was communicated to Sophia
-by her aunt, and insisted upon in such high terms, that, after having
-urged everything she possibly could invent against it without the
-least effect, she at last agreed to give the highest instance of
-complacence which any young lady can give, and consented to see his
-lordship.
-
-As conversations of this kind afford no great entertainment, we shall
-be excused from reciting the whole that past at this interview; in
-which, after his lordship had made many declarations of the most pure
-and ardent passion to the silent blushing Sophia, she at last
-collected all the spirits she could raise, and with a trembling low
-voice said, "My lord, you must be yourself conscious whether your
-former behaviour to me hath been consistent with the professions you
-now make." "Is there," answered he, "no way by which I can atone for
-madness? what I did I am afraid must have too plainly convinced you,
-that the violence of love had deprived me of my senses." "Indeed, my
-lord," said she, "it is in your power to give me a proof of an
-affection which I much rather wish to encourage, and to which I should
-think myself more beholden." "Name it, madam," said my lord, very
-warmly. "My lord," says she, looking down upon her fan, "I know you
-must be sensible how uneasy this pretended passion of yours hath made
-me." "Can you be so cruel to call it pretended?" says he. "Yes, my
-lord," answered Sophia, "all professions of love to those whom we
-persecute are most insulting pretences. This pursuit of yours is to me
-a most cruel persecution: nay, it is taking a most ungenerous
-advantage of my unhappy situation." "Most lovely, most adorable
-charmer, do not accuse me," cries he, "of taking an ungenerous
-advantage, while I have no thoughts but what are directed to your
-honour and interest, and while I have no view, no hope, no ambition,
-but to throw myself, honour, fortune, everything at your feet." "My
-lord," says she, "it is that fortune and those honours which gave you
-the advantage of which I complain. These are the charms which have
-seduced my relations, but to me they are things indifferent. If your
-lordship will merit my gratitude, there is but one way." "Pardon me,
-divine creature," said he, "there can be none. All I can do for you is
-so much your due, and will give me so much pleasure, that there is no
-room for your gratitude." "Indeed, my lord," answered she, "you may
-obtain my gratitude, my good opinion, every kind thought and wish
-which it is in my power to bestow; nay, you may obtain them with ease,
-for sure to a generous mind it must be easy to grant my request. Let
-me beseech you, then, to cease a pursuit in which you can never have
-any success. For your own sake as well as mine I entreat this favour;
-for sure you are too noble to have any pleasure in tormenting an
-unhappy creature. What can your lordship propose but uneasiness to
-yourself, by a perseverance, which, upon my honour, upon my soul,
-cannot, shall not prevail with me, whatever distresses you may drive
-me to." Here my lord fetched a deep sigh, and then said--"Is it then,
-madam, that I am so unhappy to be the object of your dislike and
-scorn; or will you pardon me if I suspect there is some other?" Here
-he hesitated, and Sophia answered with some spirit, "My lord, I shall
-not be accountable to you for the reasons of my conduct. I am obliged
-to your lordship for the generous offer you have made; I own it is
-beyond either my deserts or expectations; yet I hope, my lord, you
-will not insist on my reasons, when I declare I cannot accept it."
-Lord Fellamar returned much to this, which we do not perfectly
-understand, and perhaps it could not all be strictly reconciled either
-to sense or grammar; but he concluded his ranting speech with saying,
-"That if she had pre-engaged herself to any gentleman, however unhappy
-it would make him, he should think himself bound in honour to desist."
-Perhaps my lord laid too much emphasis on the word gentleman; for we
-cannot else well account for the indignation with which he inspired
-Sophia, who, in her answer, seemed greatly to resent some affront he
-had given her.
-
-While she was speaking, with her voice more raised than usual, Mrs
-Western came into the room, the fire glaring in her cheeks, and the
-flames bursting from her eyes. "I am ashamed," says she, "my lord, of
-the reception which you have met with. I assure your lordship we are
-all sensible of the honour done us; and I must tell you, Miss Western,
-the family expect a different behaviour from you." Here my lord
-interfered on behalf of the young lady, but to no purpose; the aunt
-proceeded till Sophia pulled out her handkerchief, threw herself into
-a chair, and burst into a violent fit of tears.
-
-The remainder of the conversation between Mrs Western and his
-lordship, till the latter withdrew, consisted of bitter lamentations
-on his side, and on hers of the strongest assurances that her niece
-should and would consent to all he wished. "Indeed, my lord," says
-she, "the girl hath had a foolish education, neither adapted to her
-fortune nor her family. Her father, I am sorry to say it, is to blame
-for everything. The girl hath silly country notions of bashfulness.
-Nothing else, my lord, upon my honour; I am convinced she hath a good
-understanding at the bottom, and will be brought to reason."
-
-This last speech was made in the absence of Sophia; for she had some
-time before left the room, with more appearance of passion than she
-had ever shown on any occasion; and now his lordship, after many
-expressions of thanks to Mrs Western, many ardent professions of
-passion which nothing could conquer, and many assurances of
-perseverance, which Mrs Western highly encouraged, took his leave for
-this time.
-
-Before we relate what now passed between Mrs Western and Sophia, it
-may be proper to mention an unfortunate accident which had happened,
-and which had occasioned the return of Mrs Western with so much fury,
-as we have seen.
-
-The reader then must know that the maid who at present attended on
-Sophia was recommended by Lady Bellaston, with whom she had lived for
-some time in the capacity of a comb-brush: she was a very sensible
-girl, and had received the strictest instructions to watch her young
-lady very carefully. These instructions, we are sorry to say, were
-communicated to her by Mrs Honour, into whose favour Lady Bellaston
-had now so ingratiated herself, that the violent affection which the
-good waiting-woman had formerly borne to Sophia was entirely
-obliterated by that great attachment which she had to her new
-mistress.
-
-Now, when Mrs Miller was departed, Betty (for that was the name of the
-girl), returning to her young lady, found her very attentively engaged
-in reading a long letter, and the visible emotions which she betrayed
-on that occasion might have well accounted for some suspicions which
-the girl entertained; but indeed they had yet a stronger foundation,
-for she had overheard the whole scene which passed between Sophia and
-Mrs Miller.
-
-Mrs Western was acquainted with all this matter by Betty, who, after
-receiving many commendations and some rewards for her fidelity, was
-ordered, that, if the woman who brought the letter came again, she
-should introduce her to Mrs Western herself.
-
-Unluckily, Mrs Miller returned at the very time when Sophia was
-engaged with his lordship. Betty, according to order, sent her
-directly to the aunt; who, being mistress of so many circumstances
-relating to what had past the day before, easily imposed upon the poor
-woman to believe that Sophia had communicated the whole affair; and so
-pumped everything out of her which she knew relating to the letter and
-relating to Jones.
-
-This poor creature might, indeed, be called simplicity itself. She was
-one of that order of mortals who are apt to believe everything which
-is said to them; to whom nature hath neither indulged the offensive
-nor defensive weapons of deceit, and who are consequently liable to be
-imposed upon by any one who will only be at the expense of a little
-falshood for that purpose. Mrs Western, having drained Mrs Miller of
-all she knew, which, indeed, was but little, but which was sufficient
-to make the aunt suspect a great deal, dismissed her with assurances
-that Sophia would not see her, that she would send no answer to the
-letter, nor ever receive another; nor did she suffer her to depart
-without a handsome lecture on the merits of an office to which she
-could afford no better name than that of procuress.--This discovery
-had greatly discomposed her temper, when, coming into the apartment
-next to that in which the lovers were, she overheard Sophia very
-warmly protesting against his lordship's addresses. At which the rage
-already kindled burst forth, and she rushed in upon her niece in a
-most furious manner, as we have already described, together with what
-past at that time till his lordship's departure.
-
-No sooner was Lord Fellamar gone than Mrs Western returned to Sophia,
-whom she upbraided in the most bitter terms for the ill use she had
-made of the confidence reposed in her; and for her treachery in
-conversing with a man with whom she had offered but the day before to
-bind herself in the most solemn oath never more to have any
-conversation. Sophia protested she had maintained no such
-conversation. "How, how! Miss Western," said the aunt; "will you deny
-your receiving a letter from him yesterday?" "A letter, madam!"
-answered Sophia, somewhat surprized. "It is not very well bred, miss,"
-replies the aunt, "to repeat my words. I say a letter, and I insist
-upon your showing it me immediately." "I scorn a lie, madam," said
-Sophia; "I did receive a letter, but it was without my desire, and,
-indeed, I may say, against my consent." "Indeed, indeed, miss," cries
-the aunt, "you ought to be ashamed of owning you had received it at
-all; but where is the letter? for I will see it."
-
-To this peremptory demand, Sophia paused some time before she returned
-an answer; and at last only excused herself by declaring she had not
-the letter in her pocket, which was, indeed, true; upon which her
-aunt, losing all manner of patience, asked her niece this short
-question, whether she would resolve to marry Lord Fellamar, or no? to
-which she received the strongest negative. Mrs Western then replied
-with an oath, or something very like one, that she would early the
-next morning deliver her back into her father's hand.
-
-Sophia then began to reason with her aunt in the following
-manner:--"Why, madam, must I of necessity be forced to marry at all?
-Consider how cruel you would have thought it in your own case, and how
-much kinder your parents were in leaving you to your liberty. What
-have I done to forfeit this liberty? I will never marry contrary to my
-father's consent, nor without asking yours----And when I ask the
-consent of either improperly, it will be then time enough to force
-some other marriage upon me." "Can I bear to hear this," cries Mrs
-Western, "from a girl who hath now a letter from a murderer in her
-pocket?" "I have no such letter, I promise you," answered Sophia;
-"and, if he be a murderer, he will soon be in no condition to give you
-any further disturbance." "How, Miss Western!" said the aunt, "have
-you the assurance to speak of him in this manner; to own your
-affection for such a villain to my face?" "Sure, madam," said Sophia,
-"you put a very strange construction on my words." "Indeed, Miss
-Western," cries the lady, "I shall not bear this usage; you have
-learnt of your father this manner of treating me; he hath taught you
-to give me the lie. He hath totally ruined you by this false system of
-education; and, please heaven, he shall have the comfort of its
-fruits; for once more I declare to you, that to-morrow morning I will
-carry you back. I will withdraw all my forces from the field, and
-remain henceforth, like the wise king of Prussia, in a state of
-perfect neutrality. You are both too wise to be regulated by my
-measures; so prepare yourself, for to-morrow morning you shall
-evacuate this house."
-
-Sophia remonstrated all she could; but her aunt was deaf to all she
-said. In this resolution therefore we must at present leave her, as
-there seems to be no hopes of bringing her to change it.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-What happened to Mr Jones in the prison.
-
-
-Mr Jones passed about twenty-four melancholy hours by himself, unless
-when relieved by the company of Partridge, before Mr Nightingale
-returned; not that this worthy young man had deserted or forgot his
-friend; for, indeed, he had been much the greatest part of the time
-employed in his service.
-
-He had heard, upon enquiry, that the only persons who had seen the
-beginning of the unfortunate rencounter were a crew belonging to a
-man-of-war which then lay at Deptford. To Deptford therefore he went
-in search of this crew, where he was informed that the men he sought
-after were all gone ashore. He then traced them from place to place,
-till at last he found two of them drinking together, with a third
-person, at a hedge-tavern near Aldersgate.
-
-Nightingale desired to speak with Jones by himself (for Partridge was
-in the room when he came in). As soon as they were alone, Nightingale,
-taking Jones by the hand, cried, "Come, my brave friend, be not too
-much dejected at what I am going to tell you----I am sorry I am the
-messenger of bad news; but I think it my duty to tell you." "I guess
-already what that bad news is," cries Jones. "The poor gentleman then
-is dead."--"I hope not," answered Nightingale. "He was alive this
-morning; though I will not flatter you; I fear, from the accounts I
-could get, that his wound is mortal. But if the affair be exactly as
-you told it, your own remorse would be all you would have reason to
-apprehend, let what would happen; but forgive me, my dear Tom, if I
-entreat you to make the worst of your story to your friends. If you
-disguise anything to us, you will only be an enemy to yourself."
-
-"What reason, my dear Jack, have I ever given you," said Jones, "to
-stab me with so cruel a suspicion?" "Have patience," cries
-Nightingale, "and I will tell you all. After the most diligent enquiry
-I could make, I at last met with two of the fellows who were present
-at this unhappy accident, and I am sorry to say, they do not relate
-the story so much in your favour as you yourself have told it." "Why,
-what do they say?" cries Jones. "Indeed what I am sorry to repeat, as
-I am afraid of the consequence of it to you. They say that they were
-at too great a distance to overhear any words that passed between you:
-but they both agree that the first blow was given by you." "Then, upon
-my soul," answered Jones, "they injure me. He not only struck me
-first, but struck me without the least provocation. What should induce
-those villains to accuse me falsely?" "Nay, that I cannot guess," said
-Nightingale, "and if you yourself, and I, who am so heartily your
-friend, cannot conceive a reason why they should belie you, what
-reason will an indifferent court of justice be able to assign why they
-should not believe them? I repeated the question to them several
-times, and so did another gentleman who was present, who, I believe,
-is a seafaring man, and who really acted a very friendly part by you;
-for he begged them often to consider that there was the life of a man
-in the case; and asked them over and over, if they were certain; to
-which they both answered, that they were, and would abide by their
-evidence upon oath. For heaven's sake, my dear friend, recollect
-yourself; for, if this should appear to be the fact, it will be your
-business to think in time of making the best of your interest. I would
-not shock you; but you know, I believe, the severity of the law,
-whatever verbal provocations may have been given you." "Alas! my
-friend," cries Jones, "what interest hath such a wretch as I? Besides,
-do you think I would even wish to live with the reputation of a
-murderer? If I had any friends (as, alas! I have none), could I have
-the confidence to solicit them to speak in the behalf of a man
-condemned for the blackest crime in human nature? Believe me, I have
-no such hope; but I have some reliance on a throne still greatly
-superior; which will, I am certain, afford me all the protection I
-merit."
-
-He then concluded with many solemn and vehement protestations of the
-truth of what he had at first asserted.
-
-The faith of Nightingale was now again staggered, and began to incline
-to credit his friend, when Mrs Miller appeared, and made a sorrowful
-report of the success of her embassy; which when Jones had heard, he
-cried out most heroically, "Well, my friend, I am now indifferent as
-to what shall happen, at least with regard to my life; and if it be
-the will of Heaven that I shall make an atonement with that for the
-blood I have spilt, I hope the Divine Goodness will one day suffer my
-honour to be cleared, and that the words of a dying man, at least,
-will be believed, so far as to justify his character."
-
-A very mournful scene now past between the prisoner and his friends,
-at which, as few readers would have been pleased to be present, so
-few, I believe, will desire to hear it particularly related. We will,
-therefore, pass on to the entrance of the turnkey, who acquainted
-Jones that there was a lady without who desired to speak with him when
-he was at leisure.
-
-Jones declared his surprize at this message. He said, "He knew no lady
-in the world whom he could possibly expect to see there." However, as
-he saw no reason to decline seeing any person, Mrs Miller and Mr
-Nightingale presently took their leave, and he gave orders to have the
-lady admitted.
-
-If Jones was surprized at the news of a visit from a lady, how greatly
-was he astonished when he discovered this lady to be no other than Mrs
-Waters! In this astonishment then we shall leave him awhile, in order
-to cure the surprize of the reader, who will likewise, probably, not a
-little wonder at the arrival of this lady.
-
-Who this Mrs Waters was, the reader pretty well knows; what she was,
-he must be perfectly satisfied. He will therefore be pleased to
-remember that this lady departed from Upton in the same coach with Mr
-Fitzpatrick and the other Irish gentleman, and in their company
-travelled to Bath.
-
-Now there was a certain office in the gift of Mr Fitzpatrick at that
-time vacant, namely that of a wife: for the lady who had lately filled
-that office had resigned, or at least deserted her duty. Mr
-Fitzpatrick therefore, having thoroughly examined Mrs Waters on the
-road, found her extremely fit for the place, which, on their arrival
-at Bath, he presently conferred upon her, and she without any scruple
-accepted. As husband and wife this gentleman and lady continued
-together all the time they stayed at Bath, and as husband and wife
-they arrived together in town.
-
-Whether Mr Fitzpatrick was so wise a man as not to part with one good
-thing till he had secured another, which he had at present only a
-prospect of regaining; or whether Mrs Waters had so well discharged
-her office, that he intended still to retain her as principal, and to
-make his wife (as is often the case) only her deputy, I will not say;
-but certain it is, he never mentioned his wife to her, never
-communicated to her the letter given him by Mrs Western, nor ever once
-hinted his purpose of repossessing his wife; much less did he ever
-mention the name of Jones. For, though he intended to fight with him
-wherever he met him, he did not imitate those prudent persons who
-think a wife, a mother, a sister, or sometimes a whole family, the
-safest seconds on these occasions. The first account therefore which
-she had of all this was delivered to her from his lips, after he was
-brought home from the tavern where his wound had been drest.
-
-As Mr Fitzpatrick, however, had not the clearest way of telling a
-story at any time, and was now, perhaps, a little more confused than
-usual, it was some time before she discovered that the gentleman who
-had given him this wound was the very same person from whom her heart
-had received a wound, which, though not of a mortal kind, was yet so
-deep that it had left a considerable scar behind it. But no sooner was
-she acquainted that Mr Jones himself was the man who had been
-committed to the Gatehouse for this supposed murder, than she took the
-first opportunity of committing Mr Fitzpatrick to the care of his
-nurse, and hastened away to visit the conqueror.
-
-She now entered the room with an air of gaiety, which received an
-immediate check from the melancholy aspect of poor Jones, who started
-and blessed himself when he saw her. Upon which she said, "Nay, I do
-not wonder at your surprize; I believe you did not expect to see me;
-for few gentlemen are troubled here with visits from any lady, unless
-a wife. You see the power you have over me, Mr Jones. Indeed, I little
-thought, when we parted at Upton, that our next meeting would have
-been in such a place." "Indeed, madam," says Jones, "I must look upon
-this visit as kind; few will follow the miserable, especially to such
-dismal habitations." "I protest, Mr Jones," says she, "I can hardly
-persuade myself you are the same agreeable fellow I saw at Upton. Why,
-your face is more miserable than any dungeon in the universe. What can
-be the matter with you?" "I thought, madam," said Jones, "as you knew
-of my being here, you knew the unhappy reason." "Pugh!" says she, "you
-have pinked a man in a duel, that's all." Jones exprest some
-indignation at this levity, and spoke with the utmost contrition for
-what had happened. To which she answered, "Well, then, sir, if you
-take it so much to heart, I will relieve you; the gentleman is not
-dead, and, I am pretty confident, is in no danger of dying. The
-surgeon, indeed, who first dressed him was a young fellow, and seemed
-desirous of representing his case to be as bad as possible, that he
-might have the more honour from curing him: but the king's surgeon
-hath seen him since, and says, unless from a fever, of which there are
-at present no symptoms, he apprehends not the least danger of life."
-Jones shewed great satisfaction in his countenance at this report;
-upon which she affirmed the truth of it, adding, "By the most
-extraordinary accident in the world I lodge at the same house; and
-have seen the gentleman, and I promise you he doth you justice, and
-says, whatever be the consequence, that he was entirely the aggressor,
-and that you was not in the least to blame."
-
-Jones expressed the utmost satisfaction at the account which Mrs
-Waters brought him. He then informed her of many things which she well
-knew before, as who Mr Fitzpatrick was, the occasion of his
-resentment, &c. He likewise told her several facts of which she was
-ignorant, as the adventure of the muff, and other particulars,
-concealing only the name of Sophia. He then lamented the follies and
-vices of which he had been guilty; every one of which, he said, had
-been attended with such ill consequences, that he should be
-unpardonable if he did not take warning, and quit those vicious
-courses for the future. He lastly concluded with assuring her of his
-resolution to sin no more, lest a worse thing should happen to him.
-
-Mrs Waters with great pleasantry ridiculed all this, as the effects of
-low spirits and confinement. She repeated some witticisms about the
-devil when he was sick, and told him, "She doubted not but shortly to
-see him at liberty, and as lively a fellow as ever; and then," says
-she, "I don't question but your conscience will be safely delivered of
-all these qualms that it is now so sick in breeding."
-
-Many more things of this kind she uttered, some of which it would do
-her no great honour, in the opinion of some readers, to remember; nor
-are we quite certain but that the answers made by Jones would be
-treated with ridicule by others. We shall therefore suppress the rest
-of this conversation, and only observe that it ended at last with
-perfect innocence, and much more to the satisfaction of Jones than of
-the lady; for the former was greatly transported with the news she had
-brought him; but the latter was not altogether so pleased with the
-penitential behaviour of a man whom she had, at her first interview,
-conceived a very different opinion of from what she now entertained of
-him.
-
-Thus the melancholy occasioned by the report of Mr Nightingale was
-pretty well effaced; but the dejection into which Mrs Miller had
-thrown him still continued. The account she gave so well tallied with
-the words of Sophia herself in her letter, that he made not the least
-doubt but that she had disclosed his letter to her aunt, and had taken
-a fixed resolution to abandon him. The torments this thought gave him
-were to be equalled only by a piece of news which fortune had yet in
-store for him, and which we shall communicate in the second chapter of
-the ensuing book.
-
-
-
-
-BOOK XVIII.
-
-CONTAINING ABOUT SIX DAYS.
-
-
-
-Chapter i.
-
-A farewel to the reader.
-
-
-We are now, reader, arrived at the last stage of our long journey. As
-we have, therefore, travelled together through so many pages, let us
-behave to one another like fellow-travellers in a stage coach, who
-have passed several days in the company of each other; and who,
-notwithstanding any bickerings or little animosities which may have
-occurred on the road, generally make all up at last, and mount, for
-the last time, into their vehicle with chearfulness and good humour;
-since after this one stage, it may possibly happen to us, as it
-commonly happens to them, never to meet more.
-
-As I have here taken up this simile, give me leave to carry it a
-little farther. I intend, then, in this last book, to imitate the good
-company I have mentioned in their last journey. Now, it is well known
-that all jokes and raillery are at this time laid aside; whatever
-characters any of the passengers have for the jest-sake personated on
-the road are now thrown off, and the conversation is usually plain and
-serious.
-
-In the same manner, if I have now and then, in the course of this
-work, indulged any pleasantry for thy entertainment, I shall here lay
-it down. The variety of matter, indeed, which I shall be obliged to
-cram into this book, will afford no room for any of those ludicrous
-observations which I have elsewhere made, and which may sometimes,
-perhaps, have prevented thee from taking a nap when it was beginning
-to steal upon thee. In this last book thou wilt find nothing (or at
-most very little) of that nature. All will be plain narrative only;
-and, indeed, when thou hast perused the many great events which this
-book will produce, thou wilt think the number of pages contained in it
-scarce sufficient to tell the story.
-
-And now, my friend, I take this opportunity (as I shall have no other)
-of heartily wishing thee well. If I have been an entertaining
-companion to thee, I promise thee it is what I have desired. If in
-anything I have offended, it was really without any intention. Some
-things, perhaps, here said, may have hit thee or thy friends; but I do
-most solemnly declare they were not pointed at thee or them. I
-question not but thou hast been told, among other stories of me, that
-thou wast to travel with a very scurrilous fellow; but whoever told
-thee so did me an injury. No man detests and despises scurrility more
-than myself; nor hath any man more reason; for none hath ever been
-treated with more; and what is a very severe fate, I have had some of
-the abusive writings of those very men fathered upon me, who, in other
-of their works, have abused me themselves with the utmost virulence.
-
-All these works, however, I am well convinced, will be dead long
-before this page shall offer itself to thy perusal; for however short
-the period may be of my own performances, they will most probably
-outlive their own infirm author, and the weakly productions of his
-abusive contemporaries.
-
-
-
-Chapter ii.
-
-Containing a very tragical incident.
-
-
-While Jones was employed in those unpleasant meditations, with which
-we left him tormenting himself, Partridge came stumbling into the room
-with his face paler than ashes, his eyes fixed in his head, his hair
-standing an end, and every limb trembling. In short, he looked as
-he would have done had he seen a spectre, or had he, indeed, been a
-spectre himself.
-
-Jones, who was little subject to fear, could not avoid being somewhat
-shocked at this sudden appearance. He did, indeed, himself change
-colour, and his voice a little faultered while he asked him, What was
-the matter?
-
-"I hope, sir," said Partridge, "you will not be angry with me. Indeed
-I did not listen, but I was obliged to stay in the outward room. I am
-sure I wish I had been a hundred miles off, rather than have heard
-what I have heard." "Why, what is the matter?" said Jones. "The
-matter, sir? O good Heaven!" answered Partridge, "was that woman who
-is just gone out the woman who was with you at Upton?" "She was,
-Partridge," cried Jones. "And did you really, sir, go to bed with that
-woman?" said he, trembling.--"I am afraid what past between us is no
-secret," said Jones.--"Nay, but pray, sir, for Heaven's sake, sir,
-answer me," cries Partridge. "You know I did," cries Jones. "Why then,
-the Lord have mercy upon your soul, and forgive you," cries Partridge;
-"but as sure as I stand here alive, you have been a-bed with your own
-mother."
-
-Upon these words Jones became in a moment a greater picture of horror
-than Partridge himself. He was, indeed, for some time struck dumb with
-amazement, and both stood staring wildly at each other. At last his
-words found way, and in an interrupted voice he said, "How! how!
-what's this you tell me?" "Nay, sir," cries Partridge, "I have not
-breath enough left to tell you now, but what I have said is most
-certainly true.--That woman who now went out is your own mother. How
-unlucky was it for you, sir, that I did not happen to see her at that
-time, to have prevented it! Sure the devil himself must have contrived
-to bring about this wickedness."
-
-"Sure," cries Jones, "Fortune will never have done with me till she
-hath driven me to distraction. But why do I blame Fortune? I am myself
-the cause of all my misery. All the dreadful mischiefs which have
-befallen me are the consequences only of my own folly and vice. What
-thou hast told me, Partridge, hath almost deprived me of my senses!
-And was Mrs Waters, then--but why do I ask? for thou must certainly
-know her--If thou hast any affection for me, nay, if thou hast any
-pity, let me beseech thee to fetch this miserable woman back again to
-me. O good Heavens! incest----with a mother! To what am I reserved!"
-He then fell into the most violent and frantic agonies of grief and
-despair, in which Partridge declared he would not leave him; but at
-last, having vented the first torrent of passion, he came a little to
-himself; and then, having acquainted Partridge that he would find this
-wretched woman in the same house where the wounded gentleman was
-lodged, he despatched him in quest of her.
-
-If the reader will please to refresh his memory, by turning to the
-scene at Upton, in the ninth book, he will be apt to admire the many
-strange accidents which unfortunately prevented any interview between
-Partridge and Mrs Waters, when she spent a whole day there with Mr
-Jones. Instances of this kind we may frequently observe in life, where
-the greatest events are produced by a nice train of little
-circumstances; and more than one example of this may be discovered by
-the accurate eye, in this our history.
-
-After a fruitless search of two or three hours, Partridge returned
-back to his master, without having seen Mrs Waters. Jones, who was in
-a state of desperation at his delay, was almost raving mad when he
-brought him his account. He was not long, however, in this condition
-before he received the following letter:
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "Since I left you I have seen a gentleman, from whom I have learned
-  something concerning you which greatly surprizes and affects me; but
-  as I have not at present leisure to communicate a matter of such
-  high importance, you must suspend your curiosity till our next
-  meeting, which shall be the first moment I am able to see you. O, Mr
-  Jones, little did I think, when I past that happy day at Upton, the
-  reflection upon which is like to embitter all my future life, who it
-  was to whom I owed such perfect happiness. Believe me to be ever
-  sincerely your unfortunate
-
-                                     "J. WATERS."
-
-  "P.S. I would have you comfort yourself as much as possible, for Mr
-  Fitzpatrick is in no manner of danger; so that whatever other
-  grievous crimes you may have to repent of, the guilt of blood is not
-  among the number."
-
-Jones having read the letter, let it drop (for he was unable to hold
-it, and indeed had scarce the use of any one of his faculties).
-Partridge took it up, and having received consent by silence, read it
-likewise; nor had it upon him a less sensible effect. The pencil, and
-not the pen, should describe the horrors which appeared in both their
-countenances. While they both remained speechless the turnkey entered
-the room, and, without taking any notice of what sufficiently
-discovered itself in the faces of them both, acquainted Jones that a
-man without desired to speak with him. This person was presently
-introduced, and was no other than Black George.
-
-As sights of horror were not so usual to George as they were to the
-turnkey, he instantly saw the great disorder which appeared in the
-face of Jones. This he imputed to the accident that had happened,
-which was reported in the very worst light in Mr Western's family; he
-concluded, therefore, that the gentleman was dead, and that Mr Jones
-was in a fair way of coming to a shameful end. A thought which gave
-him much uneasiness; for George was of a compassionate disposition,
-and notwithstanding a small breach of friendship which he had been
-over-tempted to commit, was, in the main, not insensible of the
-obligations he had formerly received from Mr Jones.
-
-The poor fellow, therefore, scarce refrained from a tear at the
-present sight. He told Jones he was heartily sorry for his
-misfortunes, and begged him to consider if he could be of any manner
-of service. "Perhaps, sir," said he, "you may want a little matter of
-money upon this occasion; if you do, sir, what little I have is
-heartily at your service."
-
-Jones shook him very heartily by the hand, and gave him many thanks
-for the kind offer he had made; but answered, "He had not the least
-want of that kind." Upon which George began to press his services more
-eagerly than before. Jones again thanked him, with assurances that he
-wanted nothing which was in the power of any man living to give.
-"Come, come, my good master," answered George, "do not take the matter
-so much to heart. Things may end better than you imagine; to be sure
-you an't the first gentleman who hath killed a man, and yet come off."
-"You are wide of the matter, George," said Partridge, "the gentleman
-is not dead, nor like to die. Don't disturb my master, at present, for
-he is troubled about a matter in which it is not in your power to do
-him any good." "You don't know what I may be able to do, Mr
-Partridge," answered George; "if his concern is about my young lady, I
-have some news to tell my master." "What do you say, Mr George?" cried
-Jones. "Hath anything lately happened in which my Sophia is concerned?
-My Sophia! how dares such a wretch as I mention her so profanely." "I
-hope she will be yours yet," answered George. "Why yes, sir, I have
-something to tell you about her. Madam Western hath just brought Madam
-Sophia home, and there hath been a terrible to do. I could not
-possibly learn the very right of it; but my master he hath been in a
-vast big passion, and so was Madam Western, and I heard her say, as
-she went out of doors into her chair, that she would never set her
-foot in master's house again. I don't know what's the matter, not I,
-but everything was very quiet when I came out; but Robin, who waited
-at supper, said he had never seen the squire for a long while in such
-good humour with young madam; that he kissed her several times, and
-swore she should be her own mistress, and he never would think of
-confining her any more. I thought this news would please you, and so I
-slipped out, though it was so late, to inform you of it." Mr Jones
-assured George that it did greatly please him; for though he should
-never more presume to lift his eyes toward that incomparable creature,
-nothing could so much relieve his misery as the satisfaction he should
-always have in hearing of her welfare.
-
-The rest of the conversation which passed at the visit is not
-important enough to be here related. The reader will, therefore,
-forgive us this abrupt breaking off, and be pleased to hear how this
-great good-will of the squire towards his daughter was brought about.
-
-Mrs Western, on her first arrival at her brother's lodging, began to
-set forth the great honours and advantages which would accrue to the
-family by the match with Lord Fellamar, which her niece had absolutely
-refused; in which refusal, when the squire took the part of his
-daughter, she fell immediately into the most violent passion, and so
-irritated and provoked the squire, that neither his patience nor his
-prudence could bear it any longer; upon which there ensued between
-them both so warm a bout at altercation, that perhaps the regions of
-Billingsgate never equalled it. In the heat of this scolding Mrs
-Western departed, and had consequently no leisure to acquaint her
-brother with the letter which Sophia received, which might have
-possibly produced ill effects; but, to say truth, I believe it never
-once occurred to her memory at this time.
-
-When Mrs Western was gone, Sophia, who had been hitherto silent, as
-well indeed from necessity as inclination, began to return the
-compliment which her father had made her, in taking her part against
-her aunt, by taking his likewise against the lady. This was the first
-time of her so doing, and it was in the highest degree acceptable to
-the squire. Again, he remembered that Mr Allworthy had insisted on an
-entire relinquishment of all violent means; and, indeed, as he made no
-doubt but that Jones would be hanged, he did not in the least question
-succeeding with his daughter by fair means; he now, therefore, once
-more gave a loose to his natural fondness for her, which had such an
-effect on the dutiful, grateful, tender, and affectionate heart of
-Sophia, that had her honour, given to Jones, and something else,
-perhaps, in which he was concerned, been removed, I much doubt whether
-she would not have sacrificed herself to a man she did not like, to
-have obliged her father. She promised him she would make it the whole
-business of her life to oblige him, and would never marry any man
-against his consent; which brought the old man so near to his highest
-happiness, that he was resolved to take the other step, and went to
-bed completely drunk.
-
-
-
-Chapter iii.
-
-Allworthy visits old Nightingale; with a strange discovery that he
-made on that occasion.
-
-
-The morning after these things had happened, Mr Allworthy went,
-according to his promise, to visit old Nightingale, with whom his
-authority was so great, that, after having sat with him three hours,
-he at last prevailed with him to consent to see his son.
-
-Here an accident happened of a very extraordinary kind; one indeed of
-those strange chances whence very good and grave men have concluded
-that Providence often interposes in the discovery of the most secret
-villany, in order to caution men from quitting the paths of honesty,
-however warily they tread in those of vice.
-
-Mr Allworthy, at his entrance into Mr Nightingale's, saw Black George;
-he took no notice of him, nor did Black George imagine he had
-perceived him.
-
-However, when their conversation on the principal point was over,
-Allworthy asked Nightingale, Whether he knew one George Seagrim, and
-upon what business he came to his house? "Yes," answered Nightingale,
-"I know him very well, and a most extraordinary fellow he is, who, in
-these days, hath been able to hoard up £500 from renting a very small
-estate of £30 a year." "And is this the story which he hath told you?"
-cries Allworthy. "Nay, it is true, I promise you," said Nightingale,
-"for I have the money now in my own hands, in five bank-bills, which I
-am to lay out either in a mortgage, or in some purchase in the north
-of England." The bank-bills were no sooner produced at Allworthy's
-desire than he blessed himself at the strangeness of the discovery. He
-presently told Nightingale that these bank-bills were formerly his,
-and then acquainted him with the whole affair. As there are no men who
-complain more of the frauds of business than highwaymen, gamesters,
-and other thieves of that kind, so there are none who so bitterly
-exclaim against the frauds of gamesters, &c., as usurers, brokers, and
-other thieves of this kind; whether it be that the one way of cheating
-is a discountenance or reflection upon the other, or that money, which
-is the common mistress of all cheats, makes them regard each other in
-the light of rivals; but Nightingale no sooner heard the story than he
-exclaimed against the fellow in terms much severer than the justice
-and honesty of Allworthy had bestowed on him.
-
-Allworthy desired Nightingale to retain both the money and the secret
-till he should hear farther from him; and, if he should in the
-meantime see the fellow, that he would not take the least notice to
-him of the discovery which he had made. He then returned to his
-lodgings, where he found Mrs Miller in a very dejected condition, on
-account of the information she had received from her son-in-law. Mr
-Allworthy, with great chearfulness, told her that he had much good
-news to communicate; and, with little further preface, acquainted her
-that he had brought Mr Nightingale to consent to see his son, and did
-not in the least doubt to effect a perfect reconciliation between
-them; though he found the father more sowered by another accident of
-the same kind which had happened in his family. He then mentioned the
-running away of the uncle's daughter, which he had been told by the
-old gentleman, and which Mrs Miller and her son-in-law did not yet
-know.
-
-The reader may suppose Mrs Miller received this account with great
-thankfulness, and no less pleasure; but so uncommon was her friendship
-to Jones, that I am not certain whether the uneasiness she suffered
-for his sake did not overbalance her satisfaction at hearing a piece
-of news tending so much to the happiness of her own family; nor
-whether even this very news, as it reminded her of the obligations she
-had to Jones, did not hurt as well as please her; when her grateful
-heart said to her, "While my own family is happy, how miserable is the
-poor creature to whose generosity we owe the beginning of all this
-happiness!"
-
-Allworthy, having left her a little while to chew the cud (if I may
-use that expression) on these first tidings, told her he had still
-something more to impart, which he believed would give her pleasure.
-"I think," said he, "I have discovered a pretty considerable treasure
-belonging to the young gentleman, your friend; but perhaps, indeed,
-his present situation may be such that it will be of no service to
-him." The latter part of the speech gave Mrs Miller to understand who
-was meant, and she answered with a sigh, "I hope not, sir." "I hope so
-too," cries Allworthy, "with all my heart; but my nephew told me this
-morning he had heard a very bad account of the affair."----"Good
-Heaven! sir," said she--"Well, I must not speak, and yet it is
-certainly very hard to be obliged to hold one's tongue when one
-hears."--"Madam," said Allworthy, "you may say whatever you please,
-you know me too well to think I have a prejudice against any one; and
-as for that young man, I assure you I should be heartily pleased to
-find he could acquit himself of everything, and particularly of this
-sad affair. You can testify the affection I have formerly borne him.
-The world, I know, censured me for loving him so much. I did not
-withdraw that affection from him without thinking I had the justest
-cause. Believe me, Mrs Miller, I should be glad to find I have been
-mistaken." Mrs Miller was going eagerly to reply, when a servant
-acquainted her that a gentleman without desired to speak with her
-immediately. Allworthy then enquired for his nephew, and was told that
-he had been for some time in his room with the gentleman who used to
-come to him, and whom Mr Allworthy guessing rightly to be Mr Dowling,
-he desired presently to speak with him.
-
-When Dowling attended, Allworthy put the case of the bank-notes to
-him, without mentioning any name, and asked in what manner such a
-person might be punished. To which Dowling answered, "He thought he
-might be indicted on the Black Act; but said, as it was a matter of
-some nicety, it would be proper to go to counsel. He said he was to
-attend counsel presently upon an affair of Mr Western's, and if Mr
-Allworthy pleased he would lay the case before them." This was agreed
-to; and then Mrs Miller, opening the door, cried, "I ask pardon, I did
-not know you had company;" but Allworthy desired her to come in,
-saying he had finished his business. Upon which Mr Dowling withdrew,
-and Mrs Miller introduced Mr Nightingale the younger, to return thanks
-for the great kindness done him by Allworthy: but she had scarce
-patience to let the young gentleman finish his speech before she
-interrupted him, saying, "O sir! Mr Nightingale brings great news
-about poor Mr Jones: he hath been to see the wounded gentleman, who is
-out of all danger of death, and, what is more, declares he fell upon
-poor Mr Jones himself, and beat him. I am sure, sir, you would not
-have Mr Jones be a coward. If I was a man myself, I am sure, if any
-man was to strike me, I should draw my sword. Do pray, my dear, tell
-Mr Allworthy, tell him all yourself." Nightingale then confirmed what
-Mrs Miller had said; and concluded with many handsome things of Jones,
-who was, he said, one of the best-natured fellows in the world, and
-not in the least inclined to be quarrelsome. Here Nightingale was
-going to cease, when Mrs Miller again begged him to relate all the
-many dutiful expressions he had heard him make use of towards Mr
-Allworthy. "To say the utmost good of Mr Allworthy," cries
-Nightingale, "is doing no more than strict justice, and can have no
-merit in it: but indeed, I must say, no man can be more sensible of
-the obligations he hath to so good a man than is poor Jones. Indeed,
-sir, I am convinced the weight of your displeasure is the heaviest
-burthen he lies under. He hath often lamented it to me, and hath as
-often protested in the most solemn manner he hath never been
-intentionally guilty of any offence towards you; nay, he hath sworn he
-would rather die a thousand deaths than he would have his conscience
-upbraid him with one disrespectful, ungrateful, or undutiful thought
-towards you. But I ask pardon, sir, I am afraid I presume to
-intermeddle too far in so tender a point." "You have spoke no more
-than what a Christian ought," cries Mrs Miller. "Indeed, Mr
-Nightingale," answered Allworthy, "I applaud your generous friendship,
-and I wish he may merit it of you. I confess I am glad to hear the
-report you bring from this unfortunate gentleman; and, if that matter
-should turn out to be as you represent it (and, indeed, I doubt
-nothing of what you say), I may, perhaps, in time, be brought to think
-better than lately I have of this young man; for this good gentlewoman
-here, nay, all who know me, can witness that I loved him as dearly as
-if he had been my own son. Indeed, I have considered him as a child
-sent by fortune to my care. I still remember the innocent, the
-helpless situation in which I found him. I feel the tender pressure of
-his little hands at this moment. He was my darling, indeed he was." At
-which words he ceased, and the tears stood in his eyes.
-
-As the answer which Mrs Miller made may lead us into fresh matters, we
-will here stop to account for the visible alteration in Mr Allworthy's
-mind, and the abatement of his anger to Jones. Revolutions of this
-kind, it is true, do frequently occur in histories and dramatic
-writers, for no other reason than because the history or play draws to
-a conclusion, and are justified by authority of authors; yet, though
-we insist upon as much authority as any author whatever, we shall use
-this power very sparingly, and never but when we are driven to it by
-necessity, which we do not at present foresee will happen in this
-work.
-
-This alteration then in the mind of Mr Allworthy was occasioned by a
-letter he had just received from Mr Square, and which we shall give
-the reader in the beginning of the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter iv.
-
-Containing two letters in very different stiles.
-
-
-  "MY WORTHY FRIEND,--I informed you in my last that I was forbidden
-  the use of the waters, as they were found by experience rather to
-  increase than lessen the symptoms of my distemper. I must now
-  acquaint you with a piece of news, which, I believe, will afflict my
-  friends more than it hath afflicted me. Dr Harrington and Dr
-  Brewster have informed me that there is no hopes of my recovery.
-
-  "I have somewhere read, that the great use of philosophy is to learn
-  to die. I will not therefore so far disgrace mine as to shew any
-  surprize at receiving a lesson which I must be thought to have so
-  long studied. Yet, to say the truth, one page of the Gospel teaches
-  this lesson better than all the volumes of antient or modern
-  philosophers. The assurance it gives us of another life is a much
-  stronger support to a good mind than all the consolations that are
-  drawn from the necessity of nature, the emptiness or satiety of our
-  enjoyments here, or any other topic of those declamations which are
-  sometimes capable of arming our minds with a stubborn patience in
-  bearing the thoughts of death, but never of raising them to a real
-  contempt of it, and much less of making us think it is a real good.
-  I would not here be understood to throw the horrid censure of
-  atheism, or even the absolute denial of immortality, on all who are
-  called philosophers. Many of that sect, as well antient as modern,
-  have, from the light of reason, discovered some hopes of a future
-  state; but in reality, that light was so faint and glimmering, and
-  the hopes were so incertain and precarious, that it may be justly
-  doubted on which side their belief turned. Plato himself concludes
-  his Phaedon with declaring that his best arguments amount only to
-  raise a probability; and Cicero himself seems rather to profess an
-  inclination to believe, than any actual belief in the doctrines of
-  immortality. As to myself, to be very sincere with you, I never was
-  much in earnest in this faith till I was in earnest a Christian.
-
-  "You will perhaps wonder at the latter expression; but I assure you
-  it hath not been till very lately that I could, with truth, call
-  myself so. The pride of philosophy had intoxicated my reason, and
-  the sublimest of all wisdom appeared to me, as it did to the Greeks
-  of old, to be foolishness. God hath, however, been so gracious to
-  shew me my error in time, and to bring me into the way of truth,
-  before I sunk into utter darkness forever.
-
-  "I find myself beginning to grow weak, I shall therefore hasten to
-  the main purpose of this letter.
-
-  "When I reflect on the actions of my past life, I know of nothing
-  which sits heavier upon my conscience than the injustice I have been
-  guilty of to that poor wretch your adopted son. I have, indeed, not
-  only connived at the villany of others, but been myself active in
-  injustice towards him. Believe me, my dear friend, when I tell you,
-  on the word of a dying man, he hath been basely injured. As to the
-  principal fact, upon the misrepresentation of which you discarded
-  him, I solemnly assure you he is innocent. When you lay upon your
-  supposed deathbed, he was the only person in the house who testified
-  any real concern; and what happened afterwards arose from the
-  wildness of his joy on your recovery; and, I am sorry to say it,
-  from the baseness of another person (but it is my desire to justify
-  the innocent, and to accuse none). Believe me, my friend, this young
-  man hath the noblest generosity of heart, the most perfect capacity
-  for friendship, the highest integrity, and indeed every virtue which
-  can ennoble a man. He hath some faults, but among them is not to be
-  numbered the least want of duty or gratitude towards you. On the
-  contrary, I am satisfied, when you dismissed him from your house,
-  his heart bled for you more than for himself.
-
-  "Worldly motives were the wicked and base reasons of my concealing
-  this from you so long; to reveal it now I can have no inducement but
-  the desire of serving the cause of truth, of doing right to the
-  innocent, and of making all the amends in my power for a past
-  offence. I hope this declaration, therefore, will have the effect
-  desired, and will restore this deserving young man to your favour;
-  the hearing of which, while I am yet alive, will afford the utmost
-  consolation to,
-
-                  Sir,
-                     Your most obliged,
-                          obedient humble servant,
-                                  THOMAS SQUARE."
-
-The reader will, after this, scarce wonder at the revolution so
-visibly appearing in Mr Allworthy, notwithstanding he received from
-Thwackum, by the same post, another letter of a very different kind,
-which we shall here add, as it may possibly be the last time we shall
-have occasion to mention the name of that gentleman.
-
-  "SIR,
-
-  "I am not at all surprized at hearing from your worthy nephew a
-  fresh instance of the villany of Mr Square the atheist's young
-  pupil. I shall not wonder at any murders he may commit; and I
-  heartily pray that your own blood may not seal up his final
-  commitment to the place of wailing and gnashing of teeth.
-
-  "Though you cannot want sufficient calls to repentance for the many
-  unwarrantable weaknesses exemplified in your behaviour to this
-  wretch, so much to the prejudice of your own lawful family, and of
-  your character; I say, though these may sufficiently be supposed to
-  prick and goad your conscience at this season, I should yet be
-  wanting to my duty, if I spared to give you some admonition in order
-  to bring you to a due sense of your errors. I therefore pray you
-  seriously to consider the judgment which is likely to overtake this
-  wicked villain; and let it serve at least as a warning to you, that
-  you may not for the future despise the advice of one who is so
-  indefatigable in his prayers for your welfare.
-
-  "Had not my hand been withheld from due correction, I had scourged
-  much of this diabolical spirit out of a boy, of whom from his
-  infancy I discovered the devil had taken such entire possession. But
-  reflections of this kind now come too late.
-
-  "I am sorry you have given away the living of Westerton so hastily.
-  I should have applied on that occasion earlier, had I thought you
-  would not have acquainted me previous to the disposition.----Your
-  objection to pluralities is being righteous over-much. If there were
-  any crime in the practice, so many godly men would not agree to it.
-  If the vicar of Aldergrove should die (as we hear he is in a
-  declining way), I hope you will think of me, since I am certain you
-  must be convinced of my most sincere attachment to your highest
-  welfare--a welfare to which all worldly considerations are as
-  trifling as the small tithes mentioned in Scripture are, when
-  compared to the weighty matters of the law.
-
-           I am, sir,
-                Your faithful humble servant,
-                                ROGER THWACKUM."
-
-This was the first time Thwackum ever wrote in this authoritative
-stile to Allworthy, and of this he had afterwards sufficient reason to
-repent, as in the case of those who mistake the highest degree of
-goodness for the lowest degree of weakness. Allworthy had indeed never
-liked this man. He knew him to be proud and ill-natured; he also knew
-that his divinity itself was tinctured with his temper, and such as in
-many respects he himself did by no means approve; but he was at the
-same time an excellent scholar, and most indefatigable in teaching the
-two lads. Add to this, the strict severity of his life and manners, an
-unimpeached honesty, and a most devout attachment to religion. So
-that, upon the whole, though Allworthy did not esteem nor love the
-man, yet he could never bring himself to part with a tutor to the
-boys, who was, both by learning and industry, extremely well qualified
-for his office; and he hoped, that as they were bred up in his own
-house, and under his own eye, he should be able to correct whatever
-was wrong in Thwackum's instructions.
-
-
-
-Chapter v.
-
-In which the history is continued.
-
-
-Mr Allworthy, in his last speech, had recollected some tender ideas
-concerning Jones, which had brought tears into the good man's eyes.
-This Mrs Miller observing, said, "Yes, yes, sir, your goodness to this
-poor young man is known, notwithstanding all your care to conceal it;
-but there is not a single syllable of truth in what those villains
-said. Mr Nightingale hath now discovered the whole matter. It seems
-these fellows were employed by a lord, who is a rival of poor Mr
-Jones, to have pressed him on board a ship.--I assure them I don't
-know who they will press next. Mr Nightingale here hath seen the
-officer himself, who is a very pretty gentleman, and hath told him
-all, and is very sorry for what he undertook, which he would never
-have done, had he known Mr Jones to have been a gentleman; but he was
-told that he was a common strolling vagabond."
-
-Allworthy stared at all this, and declared he was a stranger to every
-word she said. "Yes, sir," answered she, "I believe you are.----It is
-a very different story, I believe, from what those fellows told this
-lawyer."
-
-"What lawyer, madam? what is it you mean?" said Allworthy. "Nay, nay,"
-said she, "this is so like you to deny your own goodness: but Mr
-Nightingale here saw him." "Saw whom, madam?" answered he. "Why, your
-lawyer, sir," said she, "that you so kindly sent to enquire into the
-affair." "I am still in the dark, upon my honour," said Allworthy.
-"Why then do you tell him, my dear sir," cries she. "Indeed, sir,"
-said Nightingale, "I did see that very lawyer who went from you when I
-came into the room, at an alehouse in Aldersgate, in company with two
-of the fellows who were employed by Lord Fellamar to press Mr Jones,
-and who were by that means present at the unhappy rencounter between
-him and Mr Fitzpatrick." "I own, sir," said Mrs Miller, "when I saw
-this gentleman come into the room to you, I told Mr Nightingale that I
-apprehended you had sent him thither to inquire into the affair."
-Allworthy shewed marks of astonishment in his countenance at this
-news, and was indeed for two or three minutes struck dumb by it. At
-last, addressing himself to Mr Nightingale, he said, "I must confess
-myself, sir, more surprized at what you tell me than I have ever been
-before at anything in my whole life. Are you certain this was the
-gentleman?" "I am most certain," answered Nightingale. "At
-Aldersgate?" cries Allworthy. "And was you in company with this lawyer
-and the two fellows?"--"I was, sir," said the other, "very near half
-an hour." "Well, sir," said Allworthy, "and in what manner did the
-lawyer behave? did you hear all that past between him and the
-fellows?" "No, sir," answered Nightingale, "they had been together
-before I came.--In my presence the lawyer said little; but, after I
-had several times examined the fellows, who persisted in a story
-directly contrary to what I had heard from Mr Jones, and which I find
-by Mr Fitzpatrick was a rank falshood, the lawyer then desired the
-fellows to say nothing but what was the truth, and seemed to speak so
-much in favour of Mr Jones, that, when I saw the same person with you,
-I concluded your goodness had prompted you to send him thither."--"And
-did you not send him thither?" says Mrs Miller.--"Indeed I did not,"
-answered Allworthy; "nor did I know he had gone on such an errand till
-this moment."--"I see it all!" said Mrs Miller, "upon my soul, I see
-it all! No wonder they have been closeted so close lately. Son
-Nightingale, let me beg you run for these fellows immediately----find
-them out if they are above-ground. I will go myself"--"Dear madam,"
-said Allworthy, "be patient, and do me the favour to send a servant
-upstairs to call Mr Dowling hither, if he be in the house, or, if not,
-Mr Blifil." Mrs Miller went out muttering something to herself, and
-presently returned with an answer, "That Mr Dowling was gone; but that
-the t'other," as she called him, "was coming."
-
-Allworthy was of a cooler disposition than the good woman, whose
-spirits were all up in arms in the cause of her friend. He was not
-however without some suspicions which were near akin to hers. When
-Blifil came into the room, he asked him with a very serious
-countenance, and with a less friendly look than he had ever before
-given him, "Whether he knew anything of Mr Dowling's having seen any
-of the persons who were present at the duel between Jones and another
-gentleman?"
-
-There is nothing so dangerous as a question which comes by surprize on
-a man whose business it is to conceal truth, or to defend falshood.
-For which reason those worthy personages, whose noble office it is to
-save the lives of their fellow-creatures at the Old Bailey, take the
-utmost care, by frequent previous examination, to divine every
-question which may be asked their clients on the day of tryal, that
-they may be supplyed with proper and ready answers, which the most
-fertile invention cannot supply in an instant. Besides, the sudden and
-violent impulse on the blood, occasioned by these surprizes, causes
-frequently such an alteration in the countenance, that the man is
-obliged to give evidence against himself. And such indeed were the
-alterations which the countenance of Blifil underwent from this sudden
-question, that we can scarce blame the eagerness of Mrs Miller, who
-immediately cryed out, "Guilty, upon my honour! guilty, upon my soul!"
-
-Mr Allworthy sharply rebuked her for this impetuosity; and then
-turning to Blifil, who seemed sinking into the earth, he said, "Why do
-you hesitate, sir, at giving me an answer? You certainly must have
-employed him; for he would not, of his own accord, I believe, have
-undertaken such an errand, and especially without acquainting me."
-
-Blifil then answered, "I own, sir, I have been guilty of an offence,
-yet may I hope your pardon?"--"My pardon," said Allworthy, very
-angrily.--"Nay, sir," answered Blifil, "I knew you would be offended;
-yet surely my dear uncle will forgive the effects of the most amiable
-of human weaknesses. Compassion for those who do not deserve it, I own
-is a crime; and yet it is a crime from which you yourself are not
-entirely free. I know I have been guilty of it in more than one
-instance to this very person; and I will own I did send Mr Dowling,
-not on a vain and fruitless enquiry, but to discover the witnesses,
-and to endeavour to soften their evidence. This, sir, is the truth;
-which, though I intended to conceal from you, I will not deny."
-
-"I confess," said Nightingale, "this is the light in which it appeared
-to me from the gentleman's behaviour."
-
-"Now, madam," said Allworthy, "I believe you will once in your life
-own you have entertained a wrong suspicion, and are not so angry with
-my nephew as you was."
-
-Mrs Miller was silent; for, though she could not so hastily be pleased
-with Blifil, whom she looked upon to have been the ruin of Jones, yet
-in this particular instance he had imposed upon her as well as upon
-the rest; so entirely had the devil stood his friend. And, indeed, I
-look upon the vulgar observation, "That the devil often deserts his
-friends, and leaves them in the lurch," to be a great abuse on that
-gentleman's character. Perhaps he may sometimes desert those who are
-only his cup acquaintance; or who, at most, are but half his; but he
-generally stands by those who are thoroughly his servants, and helps
-them off in all extremities, till their bargain expires.
-
-As a conquered rebellion strengthens a government, or as health is
-more perfectly established by recovery from some diseases; so anger,
-when removed, often gives new life to affection. This was the case of
-Mr Allworthy; for Blifil having wiped off the greater suspicion, the
-lesser, which had been raised by Square's letter, sunk of course, and
-was forgotten; and Thwackum, with whom he was greatly offended, bore
-alone all the reflections which Square had cast on the enemies of
-Jones.
-
-As for that young man, the resentment of Mr Allworthy began more and
-more to abate towards him. He told Blifil, "He did not only forgive
-the extraordinary efforts of his good-nature, but would give him the
-pleasure of following his example." Then, turning to Mrs Miller with a
-smile which would have become an angel, he cryed, "What say you,
-madam? shall we take a hackney-coach, and all of us together pay a
-visit to your friend? I promise you it is not the first visit I have
-made in a prison."
-
-Every reader, I believe, will be able to answer for the worthy woman;
-but they must have a great deal of good-nature, and be well acquainted
-with friendship, who can feel what she felt on this occasion. Few, I
-hope, are capable of feeling what now passed in the mind of Blifil;
-but those who are will acknowledge that it was impossible for him to
-raise any objection to this visit. Fortune, however, or the gentleman
-lately mentioned above, stood his friend, and prevented his undergoing
-so great a shock; for at the very instant when the coach was sent for,
-Partridge arrived, and, having called Mrs Miller from the company,
-acquainted her with the dreadful accident lately come to light; and
-hearing Mr Allworthy's intention, begged her to find some means of
-stopping him: "For," says he, "the matter must at all hazards be kept
-a secret from him; and if he should now go, he will find Mr Jones and
-his mother, who arrived just as I left him, lamenting over one another
-the horrid crime they have ignorantly committed."
-
-The poor woman, who was almost deprived of her senses at his dreadful
-news, was never less capable of invention than at present. However, as
-women are much readier at this than men, she bethought herself of an
-excuse, and, returning to Allworthy, said, "I am sure, sir, you will
-be surprized at hearing any objection from me to the kind proposal you
-just now made; and yet I am afraid of the consequence of it, if
-carried immediately into execution. You must imagine, sir, that all
-the calamities which have lately befallen this poor young fellow must
-have thrown him into the lowest dejection of spirits; and now, sir,
-should we all on a sudden fling him into such a violent fit of joy, as
-I know your presence will occasion, it may, I am afraid, produce some
-fatal mischief, especially as his servant, who is without, tells me he
-is very far from being well."
-
-"Is his servant without?" cries Allworthy; "pray call him hither. I
-will ask him some questions concerning his master."
-
-Partridge was at first afraid to appear before Mr Allworthy; but was
-at length persuaded, after Mrs Miller, who had often heard his whole
-story from his own mouth, had promised to introduce him.
-
-Allworthy recollected Partridge the moment he came into the room,
-though many years had passed since he had seen him. Mrs Miller,
-therefore, might have spared here a formal oration, in which, indeed,
-she was something prolix; for the reader, I believe, may have observed
-already that the good woman, among other things, had a tongue always
-ready for the service of her friends.
-
-"And are you," said Allworthy to Partridge, "the servant of Mr Jones?"
-"I can't say, sir," answered he, "that I am regularly a servant, but I
-live with him, an't please your honour, at present. _Non sum qualis
-eram_, as your honour very well knows."
-
-Mr Allworthy then asked him many questions concerning Jones, as to his
-health, and other matters; to all which Partridge answered, without
-having the least regard to what was, but considered only what he would
-have things appear; for a strict adherence to truth was not among the
-articles of this honest fellow's morality or his religion.
-
-During this dialogue Mr Nightingale took his leave, and presently
-after Mrs Miller left the room, when Allworthy likewise despatched
-Blifil; for he imagined that Partridge when alone with him would be
-more explicit than before company. They were no sooner left in private
-together than Allworthy began, as in the following chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vi.
-
-In which the history is farther continued
-
-
-"Sure, friend," said the good man, "you are the strangest of all human
-beings. Not only to have suffered as you have formerly for obstinately
-persisting in a falshood, but to persist in it thus to the last, and
-to pass thus upon the world for a servant of your own son! What
-interest can you have in all this? What can be your motive?"
-
-"I see, sir," said Partridge, falling down upon his knees, "that your
-honour is prepossessed against me, and resolved not to believe
-anything I say, and, therefore, what signifies my protestations? but
-yet there is one above who knows that I am not the father of this
-young man."
-
-"How!" said Allworthy, "will you yet deny what you was formerly
-convicted of upon such unanswerable, such manifest evidence? Nay, what
-a confirmation is your being now found with this very man, of all
-which twenty years ago appeared against you! I thought you had left
-the country! nay, I thought you had been long since dead.--In what
-manner did you know anything of this young man? Where did you meet
-with him, unless you had kept some correspondence together? Do not
-deny this; for I promise you it will greatly raise your son in my
-opinion, to find that he hath such a sense of filial duty as privately
-to support his father for so many years."
-
-"If your honour will have patience to hear me," said Partridge, "I
-will tell you all."--Being bid go on, he proceeded thus: "When your
-honour conceived that displeasure against me, it ended in my ruin soon
-after; for I lost my little school; and the minister, thinking I
-suppose it would be agreeable to your honour, turned me out from the
-office of clerk; so that I had nothing to trust to but the barber's
-shop, which, in a country place like that, is a poor livelihood; and
-when my wife died (for till that time I received a pension of £12 a
-year from an unknown hand, which indeed I believe was your honour's
-own, for nobody that ever I heard of doth these things besides)--but,
-as I was saying, when she died, this pension forsook me; so that now,
-as I owed two or three small debts, which began to be troublesome to
-me, particularly one[*] which an attorney brought up by law-charges
-from 15s. to near £30, and as I found all my usual means of living had
-forsook me, I packed up my little all as well as I could, and went
-off.
-
-  [*] This is a fact which I knew happen to a poor clergyman in
-  Dorsetshire, by the villany of an attorney who, not contented with
-  the exorbitant costs to which the poor man was put by a single
-  action, brought afterwards another action on the judgment, as it was
-  called. A method frequently used to oppress the poor, and bring
-  money into the pockets of attorneys, to the great scandal of the
-  law, of the nation, of Christianity, and even of human nature
-  itself.
-
-"The first place I came to was Salisbury, where I got into the service
-of a gentleman belonging to the law, and one of the best gentlemen
-that ever I knew, for he was not only good to me, but I know a
-thousand good and charitable acts which he did while I staid with him;
-and I have known him often refuse business because it was paultry and
-oppressive." "You need not be so particular," said Allworthy; "I know
-this gentleman, and a very worthy man he is, and an honour to his
-profession."--"Well, sir," continued Partridge, "from hence I removed
-to Lymington, where I was above three years in the service of another
-lawyer, who was likewise a very good sort of a man, and to be sure one
-of the merriest gentlemen in England. Well, sir, at the end of the
-three years I set up a little school, and was likely to do well again,
-had it not been for a most unlucky accident. Here I kept a pig; and
-one day, as ill fortune would have it, this pig broke out, and did a
-trespass, I think they call it, in a garden belonging to one of my
-neighbours, who was a proud, revengeful man, and employed a lawyer,
-one--one--I can't think of his name; but he sent for a writ against
-me, and had me to size. When I came there, Lord have mercy upon me--to
-hear what the counsellors said! There was one that told my lord a
-parcel of the confoundedest lies about me; he said that I used to
-drive my hogs into other folk's gardens, and a great deal more; and at
-last he said, he hoped I had at last brought my hogs to a fair market.
-To be sure, one would have thought that, instead of being owner only
-of one poor little pig, I had been the greatest hog-merchant in
-England. Well--" "Pray," said Allworthy, "do not be so particular, I
-have heard nothing of your son yet." "O it was a great many years,"
-answered Partridge, "before I saw my son, as you are pleased to call
-him.----I went over to Ireland after this, and taught school at Cork
-(for that one suit ruined me again, and I lay seven years in
-Winchester jail)."--"Well," said Allworthy, "pass that over till your
-return to England."--"Then, sir," said he, "it was about half a year
-ago that I landed at Bristol, where I staid some time, and not finding
-it do there, and hearing of a place between that and Gloucester where
-the barber was just dead, I went thither, and there I had been about
-two months when Mr Jones came thither." He then gave Allworthy a very
-particular account of their first meeting, and of everything, as well
-as he could remember, which had happened from that day to this;
-frequently interlarding his story with panegyrics on Jones, and not
-forgetting to insinuate the great love and respect which he had for
-Allworthy. He concluded with saying, "Now, sir, I have told your
-honour the whole truth." And then repeated a most solemn protestation,
-"That he was no more the father of Jones than of the Pope of Rome;"
-and imprecated the most bitter curses on his head, if he did not speak
-truth.
-
-"What am I to think of this matter?" cries Allworthy. "For what
-purpose should you so strongly deny a fact which I think it would be
-rather your interest to own?" "Nay, sir," answered Partridge (for he
-could hold no longer), "if your honour will not believe me, you are
-like soon to have satisfaction enough. I wish you had mistaken the
-mother of this young man, as well as you have his father."--And now
-being asked what he meant, with all the symptoms of horror, both in
-his voice and countenance, he told Allworthy the whole story, which he
-had a little before expressed such desire to Mrs Miller to conceal
-from him.
-
-Allworthy was almost as much shocked at this discovery as Partridge
-himself had been while he related it. "Good heavens!" says he, "in
-what miserable distresses do vice and imprudence involve men! How much
-beyond our designs are the effects of wickedness sometimes carried!"
-He had scarce uttered these words, when Mrs Waters came hastily and
-abruptly into the room. Partridge no sooner saw her than he cried,
-"Here, sir, here is the very woman herself. This is the unfortunate
-mother of Mr Jones. I am sure she will acquit me before your honour.
-Pray, madam----"
-
-Mrs Waters, without paying any regard to what Partridge said, and
-almost without taking any notice of him, advanced to Mr Allworthy. "I
-believe, sir, it is so long since I had the honour of seeing you, that
-you do not recollect me." "Indeed," answered Allworthy, "you are so
-very much altered, on many accounts, that had not this man already
-acquainted me who you are, I should not have immediately called you to
-my remembrance. Have you, madam, any particular business which brings
-you to me?" Allworthy spoke this with great reserve; for the reader
-may easily believe he was not well pleased with the conduct of this
-lady; neither with what he had formerly heard, nor with what Partridge
-had now delivered.
-
-Mrs Waters answered--"Indeed, sir, I have very particular business
-with you; and it is such as I can impart only to yourself. I must
-desire, therefore, the favour of a word with you alone: for I assure
-you what I have to tell you is of the utmost importance."
-
-Partridge was then ordered to withdraw, but before he went, he begged
-the lady to satisfy Mr Allworthy that he was perfectly innocent. To
-which she answered, "You need be under no apprehension, sir; I shall
-satisfy Mr Allworthy very perfectly of that matter."
-
-Then Partridge withdrew, and that past between Mr Allworthy and Mrs
-Waters which is written in the next chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter vii.
-
-Continuation of the history.
-
-
-Mrs Waters remaining a few moments silent, Mr Allworthy could not
-refrain from saying, "I am sorry, madam, to perceive, by what I have
-since heard, that you have made so very ill a use----" "Mr Allworthy,"
-says she, interrupting him, "I know I have faults, but ingratitude to
-you is not one of them. I never can nor shall forget your goodness,
-which I own I have very little deserved; but be pleased to wave all
-upbraiding me at present, as I have so important an affair to
-communicate to you concerning this young man, to whom you have given
-my maiden name of Jones."
-
-"Have I then," said Allworthy, "ignorantly punished an innocent man,
-in the person of him who hath just left us? Was he not the father of
-the child?" "Indeed he was not," said Mrs Waters. "You may be pleased
-to remember, sir, I formerly told you, you should one day know; and I
-acknowledge myself to have been guilty of a cruel neglect, in not
-having discovered it to you before. Indeed, I little knew how
-necessary it was." "Well, madam," said Allworthy, "be pleased to
-proceed." "You must remember, sir," said she, "a young fellow, whose
-name was Summer." "Very well," cries Allworthy, "he was the son of a
-clergyman of great learning and virtue, for whom I had the highest
-friendship." "So it appeared, sir," answered she; "for I believe you
-bred the young man up, and maintained him at the university; where, I
-think, he had finished his studies, when he came to reside at your
-house; a finer man, I must say, the sun never shone upon; for, besides
-the handsomest person I ever saw, he was so genteel, and had so much
-wit and good breeding." "Poor gentleman," said Allworthy, "he was
-indeed untimely snatched away; and little did I think he had any sins
-of this kind to answer for; for I plainly perceive you are going to
-tell me he was the father of your child."
-
-"Indeed, sir," answered she, "he was not." "How!" said Allworthy, "to
-what then tends all this preface?" "To a story," said she, "which I am
-concerned falls to my lot to unfold to you. O, sir! prepare to hear
-something which will surprize you, will grieve you." "Speak," said
-Allworthy, "I am conscious of no crime, and cannot be afraid to hear."
-"Sir," said she, "that Mr Summer, the son of your friend, educated at
-your expense, who, after living a year in the house as if he had been
-your own son, died there of the small-pox, was tenderly lamented by
-you, and buried as if he had been your own; that Summer, sir, was the
-father of this child." "How!" said Allworthy; "you contradict
-yourself." "That I do not," answered she; "he was indeed the father of
-this child, but not by me." "Take care, madam," said Allworthy, "do
-not, to shun the imputation of any crime, be guilty of falshood.
-Remember there is One from whom you can conceal nothing, and before
-whose tribunal falshood will only aggravate your guilt." "Indeed,
-sir," says she, "I am not his mother; nor would I now think myself so
-for the world." "I know your reason," said Allworthy, "and shall
-rejoice as much as you to find it otherwise; yet you must remember,
-you yourself confest it before me." "So far what I confest," said she,
-"was true, that these hands conveyed the infant to your bed; conveyed
-it thither at the command of its mother; at her commands I afterwards
-owned it, and thought myself, by her generosity, nobly rewarded, both
-for my secrecy and my shame." "Who could this woman be?" said
-Allworthy. "Indeed, I tremble to name her," answered Mrs Waters. "By
-all this preparation I am to guess that she was a relation of mine,"
-cried he. "Indeed she was a near one." At which words Allworthy
-started, and she continued--"You had a sister, sir." "A sister!"
-repeated he, looking aghast.--"As there is truth in heaven," cries
-she, "your sister was the mother of that child you found between your
-sheets." "Can it be possible?" cries he, "Good heavens!" "Have
-patience, sir," said Mrs Waters, "and I will unfold to you the whole
-story. Just after your departure for London, Miss Bridget came one day
-to the house of my mother. She was pleased to say she had heard an
-extraordinary character of me, for my learning and superior
-understanding to all the young women there, so she was pleased to say.
-She then bid me come to her to the great house; where, when I
-attended, she employed me to read to her. She expressed great
-satisfaction in my reading, shewed great kindness to me, and made me
-many presents. At last she began to catechise me on the subject of
-secrecy, to which I gave her such satisfactory answers, that, at last,
-having locked the door of her room, she took me into her closet, and
-then locking that door likewise, she said she should convince me of
-the vast reliance she had on my integrity, by communicating a secret
-in which her honour, and consequently her life, was concerned. She
-then stopt, and after a silence of a few minutes, during which she
-often wiped her eyes, she enquired of me if I thought my mother might
-safely be confided in. I answered, I would stake my life on her
-fidelity. She then imparted to me the great secret which laboured in
-her breast, and which, I believe, was delivered with more pains than
-she afterwards suffered in child-birth. It was then contrived that my
-mother and myself only should attend at the time, and that Mrs Wilkins
-should be sent out of the way, as she accordingly was, to the very
-furthest part of Dorsetshire, to enquire the character of a servant;
-for the lady had turned away her own maid near three months before;
-during all which time I officiated about her person upon trial, as she
-said, though, as she afterwards declared, I was not sufficiently handy
-for the place. This, and many other such things which she used to say
-of me, were all thrown out to prevent any suspicion which Wilkins
-might hereafter have, when I was to own the child; for she thought it
-could never be believed she would venture to hurt a young woman with
-whom she had intrusted such a secret. You may be assured, sir, I was
-well paid for all these affronts, which, together with being informed
-with the occasion of them, very well contented me. Indeed, the lady
-had a greater suspicion of Mrs Wilkins than of any other person; not
-that she had the least aversion to the gentlewoman, but she thought
-her incapable of keeping a secret, especially from you, sir; for I
-have often heard Miss Bridget say, that, if Mrs Wilkins had committed
-a murder, she believed she would acquaint you with it. At last the
-expected day came, and Mrs Wilkins, who had been kept a week in
-readiness, and put off from time to time, upon some pretence or other,
-that she might not return too soon, was dispatched. Then the child was
-born, in the presence only of myself and my mother, and was by my
-mother conveyed to her own house, where it was privately kept by her
-till the evening of your return, when I, by the command of Miss
-Bridget, conveyed it into the bed where you found it. And all
-suspicions were afterwards laid asleep by the artful conduct of your
-sister, in pretending ill-will to the boy, and that any regard she
-shewed him was out of meer complacence to you."
-
-Mrs Waters then made many protestations of the truth of this story,
-and concluded by saying, "Thus, sir, you have at last discovered your
-nephew; for so I am sure you will hereafter think him, and I question
-not but he will be both an honour and a comfort to you under that
-appellation."
-
-"I need not, madam," said Allworthy, "express my astonishment at what
-you have told me; and yet surely you would not, and could not, have
-put together so many circumstances to evidence an untruth. I confess I
-recollect some passages relating to that Summer, which formerly gave
-me a conceit that my sister had some liking to him. I mentioned it to
-her; for I had such a regard to the young man, as well on his own
-account as on his father's, that I should willingly have consented to
-a match between them; but she exprest the highest disdain of my unkind
-suspicion, as she called it; so that I never spoke more on the
-subject. Good heavens! Well! the Lord disposeth all things.--Yet sure
-it was a most unjustifiable conduct in my sister to carry this secret
-with her out of the world." "I promise you, sir," said Mrs Waters,
-"she always profest a contrary intention, and frequently told me she
-intended one day to communicate it to you. She said, indeed, she was
-highly rejoiced that her plot had succeeded so well, and that you had
-of your own accord taken such a fancy to the child, that it was yet
-unnecessary to make any express declaration. Oh! sir, had that lady
-lived to have seen this poor young man turned like a vagabond from
-your house: nay, sir, could she have lived to hear that you had
-yourself employed a lawyer to prosecute him for a murder of which he
-was not guilty----Forgive me, Mr Allworthy, I must say it was
-unkind.--Indeed, you have been abused, he never deserved it of you."
-"Indeed, madam," said Allworthy, "I have been abused by the person,
-whoever he was, that told you so." "Nay, sir," said she, "I would not
-be mistaken, I did not presume to say you were guilty of any wrong.
-The gentleman who came to me proposed no such matter; he only said,
-taking me for Mr Fitzpatrick's wife, that, if Mr Jones had murdered my
-husband, I should be assisted with any money I wanted to carry on the
-prosecution, by a very worthy gentleman, who, he said, was well
-apprized what a villain I had to deal with. It was by this man I found
-out who Mr Jones was; and this man, whose name is Dowling, Mr Jones
-tells me is your steward. I discovered his name by a very odd
-accident; for he himself refused to tell it me; but Partridge, who met
-him at my lodgings the second time he came, knew him formerly at
-Salisbury."
-
-"And did this Mr Dowling," says Allworthy, with great astonishment
-in his countenance, "tell you that I would assist in the
-prosecution?"--"No, sir," answered she, "I will not charge him
-wrongfully. He said I should be assisted, but he mentioned no name.
-Yet you must pardon me, sir, if from circumstances I thought it could
-be no other."--"Indeed, madam," says Allworthy, "from circumstances I
-am too well convinced it was another. Good Heaven! by what wonderful
-means is the blackest and deepest villany sometimes discovered!--Shall
-I beg you, madam, to stay till the person you have mentioned comes,
-for I expect him every minute? nay, he may be, perhaps, already in the
-house."
-
-Allworthy then stept to the door, in order to call a servant, when in
-came, not Mr Dowling, but the gentleman who will be seen in the next
-chapter.
-
-
-
-Chapter viii.
-
-Further continuation.
-
-
-The gentleman who now arrived was no other than Mr Western. He no
-sooner saw Allworthy, than, without considering in the least the
-presence of Mrs Waters, he began to vociferate in the following
-manner: "Fine doings at my house! A rare kettle of fish I have
-discovered at last! who the devil would be plagued with a daughter?"
-"What's the matter, neighbour?" said Allworthy. "Matter enough,"
-answered Western: "when I thought she was just a coming to; nay, when
-she had in a manner promised me to do as I would ha her, and when I
-was a hoped to have had nothing more to do than to have sent for the
-lawyer, and finished all; what do you think I have found out? that the
-little b-- hath bin playing tricks with me all the while, and carrying
-on a correspondence with that bastard of yours. Sister Western, whom I
-have quarrelled with upon her account, sent me word o't, and I ordered
-her pockets to be searched when she was asleep, and here I have got un
-signed with the son of a whore's own name. I have not had patience to
-read half o't, for 'tis longer than one of parson Supple's sermons;
-but I find plainly it is all about love; and indeed what should it be
-else? I have packed her up in chamber again, and to-morrow morning
-down she goes into the country, unless she consents to be married
-directly, and there she shall live in a garret upon bread and water
-all her days; and the sooner such a b-- breaks her heart the better,
-though, d--n her, that I believe is too tough. She will live long
-enough to plague me." "Mr Western," answered Allworthy, "you know I
-have always protested against force, and you yourself consented that
-none should be used." "Ay," cries he, "that was only upon condition
-that she would consent without. What the devil and doctor Faustus!
-shan't I do what I will with my own daughter, especially when I desire
-nothing but her own good?" "Well, neighbour," answered Allworthy, "if
-you will give me leave, I will undertake once to argue with the young
-lady." "Will you?" said Western; "why that is kind now, and
-neighbourly, and mayhap you will do more than I have been able to do
-with her; for I promise you she hath a very good opinion of you."
-"Well, sir," said Allworthy, "if you will go home, and release the
-young lady from her captivity, I will wait upon her within this
-half-hour." "But suppose," said Western, "she should run away with un
-in the meantime? For lawyer Dowling tells me there is no hopes of
-hanging the fellow at last; for that the man is alive, and like to do
-well, and that he thinks Jones will be out of prison again presently."
-"How!" said Allworthy; "what, did you employ him then to enquire or to
-do anything in that matter?" "Not I," answered Western, "he mentioned
-it to me just now of his own accord." "Just now!" cries Allworthy,
-"why, where did you see him then? I want much to see Mr Dowling."
-"Why, you may see un an you will presently at my lodgings; for there
-is to be a meeting of lawyers there this morning about a mortgage.
-'Icod! I shall lose two or dree thousand pounds, I believe, by that
-honest gentleman, Mr Nightingale." "Well, sir," said Allworthy, "I
-will be with you within the half-hour." "And do for once," cries the
-squire, "take a fool's advice; never think of dealing with her by
-gentle methods, take my word for it those will never do. I have tried
-'um long enough. She must be frightened into it, there is no other
-way. Tell her I'm her father; and of the horrid sin of disobedience,
-and of the dreadful punishment of it in t'other world, and then tell
-her about being locked up all her life in a garret in this, and being
-kept only on bread and water." "I will do all I can," said Allworthy;
-"for I promise you there is nothing I wish for more than an alliance
-with this amiable creature." "Nay, the girl is well enough for matter
-o' that," cries the squire; "a man may go farther and meet with worse
-meat; that I may declare o'her, thof she be my own daughter. And if
-she will but be obedient to me, there is narrow a father within a
-hundred miles o' the place, that loves a daughter better than I do;
-but I see you are busy with the lady here, so I will go huome and
-expect you; and so your humble servant."
-
-As soon as Mr Western was gone Mrs Waters said, "I see, sir, the
-squire hath not the least remembrance of my face. I believe, Mr
-Allworthy, you would not have known me neither. I am very considerably
-altered since that day when you so kindly gave me that advice, which I
-had been happy had I followed." "Indeed, madam," cries Allworthy, "it
-gave me great concern when I first heard the contrary." "Indeed, sir,"
-says she, "I was ruined by a very deep scheme of villany, which if you
-knew, though I pretend not to think it would justify me in your
-opinion, it would at least mitigate my offence, and induce you to pity
-me: you are not now at leisure to hear my whole story; but this I
-assure you, I was betrayed by the most solemn promises of marriage;
-nay, in the eye of heaven I was married to him; for, after much
-reading on the subject, I am convinced that particular ceremonies are
-only requisite to give a legal sanction to marriage, and have only a
-worldly use in giving a woman the privileges of a wife; but that she
-who lives constant to one man, after a solemn private affiance,
-whatever the world may call her, hath little to charge on her own
-conscience." "I am sorry, madam," said Allworthy, "you made so ill a
-use of your learning. Indeed, it would have been well that you had
-been possessed of much more, or had remained in a state of ignorance.
-And yet, madam, I am afraid you have more than this sin to answer
-for." "During his life," answered she, "which was above a dozen years,
-I most solemnly assure you I had not. And consider, sir, on my behalf,
-what is in the power of a woman stript of her reputation and left
-destitute; whether the good-natured world will suffer such a stray
-sheep to return to the road of virtue, even if she was never so
-desirous. I protest, then, I would have chose it had it been in my
-power; but necessity drove me into the arms of Captain Waters, with
-whom, though still unmarried, I lived as a wife for many years, and
-went by his name. I parted with this gentleman at Worcester, on his
-march against the rebels, and it was then I accidentally met with Mr
-Jones, who rescued me from the hands of a villain. Indeed, he is the
-worthiest of men. No young gentleman of his age is, I believe, freer
-from vice, and few have the twentieth part of his virtues; nay,
-whatever vices he hath had, I am firmly persuaded he hath now taken a
-resolution to abandon them." "I hope he hath," cries Allworthy, "and I
-hope he will preserve that resolution. I must say, I have still the
-same hopes with regard to yourself. The world, I do agree, are apt to
-be too unmerciful on these occasions; yet time and perseverance will
-get the better of this their disinclination, as I may call it, to
-pity; for though they are not, like heaven, ready to receive a
-penitent sinner; yet a continued repentance will at length obtain
-mercy even with the world. This you may be assured of, Mrs Waters,
-that whenever I find you are sincere in such good intentions, you
-shall want no assistance in my power to make them effectual."
-
-Mrs Waters fell now upon her knees before him, and, in a flood of
-tears, made him many most passionate acknowledgments of his goodness,
-which, as she truly said, savoured more of the divine than human
-nature.
-
-Allworthy raised her up, and spoke in the most tender manner, making
-use of every expression which his invention could suggest to comfort
-her, when he was interrupted by the arrival of Mr Dowling, who, upon
-his first entrance, seeing Mrs Waters, started, and appeared in some
-confusion; from which he soon recovered himself as well as he could,
-and then said he was in the utmost haste to attend counsel at Mr
-Western's lodgings; but, however, thought it his duty to call and
-acquaint him with the opinion of counsel upon the case which he had
-before told him, which was that the conversion of the moneys in that
-case could not be questioned in a criminal cause, but that an action
-of trover might be brought, and if it appeared to the jury to be the
-moneys of plaintiff, that plaintiff would recover a verdict for the
-value.
-
-Allworthy, without making any answer to this, bolted the door, and
-then, advancing with a stern look to Dowling, he said, "Whatever be
-your haste, sir, I must first receive an answer to some questions. Do
-you know this lady?"--"That lady, sir!" answered Dowling, with great
-hesitation. Allworthy then, with the most solemn voice, said, "Look
-you, Mr Dowling, as you value my favour, or your continuance a moment
-longer in my service, do not hesitate nor prevaricate; but answer
-faithfully and truly to every question I ask.----Do you know this
-lady?"--"Yes, sir," said Dowling, "I have seen the lady." "Where,
-sir?" "At her own lodgings."--"Upon what business did you go thither,
-sir; and who sent you?" "I went, sir, to enquire, sir, about Mr
-Jones." "And who sent you to enquire about him?" "Who, sir? why, sir,
-Mr Blifil sent me." "And what did you say to the lady concerning that
-matter?" "Nay, sir, it is impossible to recollect every word." "Will
-you please, madam, to assist the gentleman's memory?" "He told me,
-sir," said Mrs Waters, "that if Mr Jones had murdered my husband, I
-should be assisted by any money I wanted to carry on the prosecution,
-by a very worthy gentleman, who was well apprized what a villain I had
-to deal with. These, I can safely swear, were the very words he
-spoke."--"Were these the words, sir?" said Allworthy. "I cannot charge
-my memory exactly," cries Dowling, "but I believe I did speak to that
-purpose."--"And did Mr Blifil order you to say so?" "I am sure, sir, I
-should not have gone on my own accord, nor have willingly exceeded my
-authority in matters of this kind. If I said so, I must have so
-understood Mr Blifil's instructions." "Look you, Mr Dowling," said
-Allworthy; "I promise you before this lady, that whatever you have
-done in this affair by Mr Blifil's order I will forgive, provided you
-now tell me strictly the truth; for I believe what you say, that you
-would not have acted of your own accord and without authority in this
-matter.----Mr Blifil then likewise sent you to examine the two fellows
-at Aldersgate?"--"He did, sir." "Well, and what instructions did he
-then give you? Recollect as well as you can, and tell me, as near as
-possible, the very words he used."--"Why, sir, Mr Blifil sent me to
-find out the persons who were eye-witnesses of this fight. He said, he
-feared they might be tampered with by Mr Jones, or some of his
-friends. He said, blood required blood; and that not only all who
-concealed a murderer, but those who omitted anything in their power to
-bring him to justice, were sharers in his guilt. He said, he found you
-was very desirous of having the villain brought to justice, though it
-was not proper you should appear in it." "He did so?" says
-Allworthy.--"Yes, sir," cries Dowling; "I should not, I am sure, have
-proceeded such lengths for the sake of any other person living but
-your worship."--"What lengths, sir?" said Allworthy.--"Nay, sir,"
-cries Dowling, "I would not have your worship think I would, on any
-account, be guilty of subornation of perjury; but there are two ways
-of delivering evidence. I told them, therefore, that if any offers
-should be made them on the other side, they should refuse them, and
-that they might be assured they should lose nothing by being honest
-men, and telling the truth. I said, we were told that Mr Jones had
-assaulted the gentleman first, and that, if that was the truth, they
-should declare it; and I did give them some hints that they should be
-no losers."--"I think you went lengths indeed," cries
-Allworthy.--"Nay, sir," answered Dowling, "I am sure I did not desire
-them to tell an untruth;----nor should I have said what I did, unless
-it had been to oblige you."--"You would not have thought, I believe,"
-says Allworthy, "to have obliged me, had you known that this Mr Jones
-was my own nephew."--"I am sure, sir," answered he, "it did not become
-me to take any notice of what I thought you desired to
-conceal."--"How!" cries Allworthy, "and did you know it then?"--"Nay,
-sir," answered Dowling, "if your worship bids me speak the truth, I am
-sure I shall do it.--Indeed, sir, I did know it; for they were almost
-the last words which Madam Blifil ever spoke, which she mentioned to
-me as I stood alone by her bedside, when she delivered me the letter I
-brought your worship from her."--"What letter?" cries Allworthy.--"The
-letter, sir," answered Dowling, "which I brought from Salisbury, and
-which I delivered into the hands of Mr Blifil."--"O heavens!" cries
-Allworthy: "Well, and what were the words? What did my sister say to
-you?"--"She took me by the hand," answered he, "and, as she delivered
-me the letter, said, `I scarce know what I have written. Tell my
-brother, Mr Jones is his nephew--He is my son.--Bless him,' says she,
-and then fell backward, as if dying away. I presently called in the
-people, and she never spoke more to me, and died within a few minutes
-afterwards."--Allworthy stood a minute silent, lifting up his eyes;
-and then, turning to Dowling, said, "How came you, sir, not to deliver
-me this message?" "Your worship," answered he, "must remember that you
-was at that time ill in bed; and, being in a violent hurry, as indeed
-I always am, I delivered the letter and message to Mr Blifil, who told
-me he would carry them both to you, which he hath since told me he
-did, and that your worship, partly out of friendship to Mr Jones, and
-partly out of regard to your sister, would never have it mentioned,
-and did intend to conceal it from the world; and therefore, sir, if
-you had not mentioned it to me first, I am certain I should never have
-thought it belonged to me to say anything of the matter, either to
-your worship or any other person."
-
-We have remarked somewhere already, that it is possible for a man to
-convey a lie in the words of truth; this was the case at present; for
-Blifil had, in fact, told Dowling what he now related, but had not
-imposed upon him, nor indeed had imagined he was able so to do. In
-reality, the promises which Blifil had made to Dowling were the
-motives which had induced him to secrecy; and, as he now very plainly
-saw Blifil would not be able to keep them, he thought proper now to
-make this confession, which the promises of forgiveness, joined to the
-threats, the voice, the looks of Allworthy, and the discoveries he had
-made before, extorted from him, who was besides taken unawares, and
-had no time to consider of evasions.
-
-Allworthy appeared well satisfied with this relation, and, having
-enjoined on Dowling strict silence as to what had past, conducted that
-gentleman himself to the door, lest he should see Blifil, who was
-returned to his chamber, where he exulted in the thoughts of his last
-deceit on his uncle, and little suspected what had since passed
-below-stairs.
-
-As Allworthy was returning to his room he met Mrs Miller in the entry,
-who, with a face all pale and full of terror, said to him, "O! sir, I
-find this wicked woman hath been with you, and you know all; yet do
-not on this account abandon the poor young man. Consider, sir, he was
-ignorant it was his own mother; and the discovery itself will most
-probably break his heart, without your unkindness."
-
-"Madam," says Allworthy, "I am under such an astonishment at what I
-have heard, that I am really unable to satisfy you; but come with me
-into my room. Indeed, Mrs Miller, I have made surprizing discoveries,
-and you shall soon know them."
-
-The poor woman followed him trembling; and now Allworthy, going up to
-Mrs Waters, took her by the hand, and then, turning to Mrs Miller,
-said, "What reward shall I bestow upon this gentlewoman, for the
-services she hath done me?--O! Mrs Miller, you have a thousand times
-heard me call the young man to whom you are so faithful a friend, my
-son. Little did I then think he was indeed related to me at all.--Your
-friend, madam, is my nephew; he is the brother of that wicked viper
-which I have so long nourished in my bosom.--She will herself tell you
-the whole story, and how the youth came to pass for her son. Indeed,
-Mrs Miller, I am convinced that he hath been wronged, and that I have
-been abused; abused by one whom you too justly suspected of being a
-villain. He is, in truth, the worst of villains."
-
-The joy which Mrs Miller now felt bereft her of the power of speech,
-and might perhaps have deprived her of her senses, if not of life, had
-not a friendly shower of tears come seasonably to her relief. At
-length, recovering so far from her transport as to be able to speak,
-she cried, "And is my dear Mr Jones then your nephew, sir, and not the
-son of this lady? And are your eyes opened to him at last? And shall I
-live to see him as happy as he deserves?" "He certainly is my nephew,"
-says Allworthy, "and I hope all the rest."--"And is this the dear good
-woman, the person," cries she, "to whom all this discovery is
-owing?"--"She is indeed," says Allworthy.--"Why, then," cried Mrs
-Miller, upon her knees, "may Heaven shower down its choicest blessings
-upon her head, and for this one good action forgive her all her sins,
-be they never so many!"
-
-Mrs Waters then informed them that she believed Jones would very
-shortly be released; for that the surgeon was gone, in company with a
-nobleman, to the justice who committed him, in order to certify that
-Mr Fitzpatrick was out of all manner of danger, and to procure his
-prisoner his liberty.
-
-Allworthy said he should be glad to find his nephew there at his
-return home; but that he was then obliged to go on some business of
-consequence. He then called to a servant to fetch him a chair, and
-presently left the two ladies together.
-
-Mr Blifil, hearing the chair ordered, came downstairs to attend upon
-his uncle; for he never was deficient in such acts of duty. He asked
-his uncle if he was going out, which is a civil way of asking a man
-whither he is going: to which the other making no answer, he again
-desired to know when he would be pleased to return?--Allworthy made no
-answer to this neither, till he was just going into his chair, and
-then, turning about, he said--"Harkee, sir, do you find out, before my
-return, the letter which your mother sent me on her death-bed."
-Allworthy then departed, and left Blifil in a situation to be envied
-only by a man who is just going to be hanged.
-
-
-
-Chapter ix.
-
-A further continuation.
-
-
-Allworthy took an opportunity, whilst he was in the chair, of reading
-the letter from Jones to Sophia, which Western delivered him; and
-there were some expressions in it concerning himself which drew tears
-from his eyes. At length he arrived at Mr Western's, and was
-introduced to Sophia.
-
-When the first ceremonies were past, and the gentleman and lady had
-taken their chairs, a silence of some minutes ensued; during which the
-latter, who had been prepared for the visit by her father, sat playing
-with her fan, and had every mark of confusion both in her countenance
-and behaviour. At length Allworthy, who was himself a little
-disconcerted, began thus: "I am afraid, Miss Western, my family hath
-been the occasion of giving you some uneasiness; to which, I fear, I
-have innocently become more instrumental than I intended. Be assured,
-madam, had I at first known how disagreeable the proposals had been, I
-should not have suffered you to have been so long persecuted. I hope,
-therefore, you will not think the design of this visit is to trouble
-you with any further solicitations of that kind, but entirely to
-relieve you from them."
-
-"Sir," said Sophia, with a little modest hesitation, "this behaviour
-is most kind and generous, and such as I could expect only from Mr
-Allworthy; but as you have been so kind to mention this matter, you
-will pardon me for saying it hath, indeed, given me great uneasiness,
-and hath been the occasion of my suffering much cruel treatment from
-a father who was, till that unhappy affair, the tenderest and fondest
-of all parents. I am convinced, sir, you are too good and generous to
-resent my refusal of your nephew. Our inclinations are not in our own
-power; and whatever may be his merit, I cannot force them in his
-favour." "I assure you, most amiable young lady," said Allworthy, "I
-am capable of no such resentment, had the person been my own son, and
-had I entertained the highest esteem for him. For you say truly,
-madam, we cannot force our inclinations, much less can they be
-directed by another." "Oh! sir," answered Sophia, "every word you
-speak proves you deserve that good, that great, that benevolent
-character the whole world allows you. I assure you, sir, nothing less
-than the certain prospect of future misery could have made me resist
-the commands of my father." "I sincerely believe you, madam," replied
-Allworthy, "and I heartily congratulate you on your prudent
-foresight, since by so justifiable a resistance you have avoided
-misery indeed!" "You speak now, Mr Allworthy," cries she, "with a
-delicacy which few men are capable of feeling! but surely, in my
-opinion, to lead our lives with one to whom we are indifferent must
-be a state of wretchedness.----Perhaps that wretchedness would be
-even increased by a sense of the merits of an object to whom we
-cannot give our affections. If I had married Mr Blifil--" "Pardon my
-interrupting you, madam," answered Allworthy, "but I cannot bear the
-supposition.--Believe me, Miss Western, I rejoice from my heart, I
-rejoice in your escape.--I have discovered the wretch for whom you
-have suffered all this cruel violence from your father to be a
-villain." "How, sir!" cries Sophia--"you must believe this surprizes
-me."--"It hath surprized me, madam," answered Allworthy, "and so it
-will the world.----But I have acquainted you with the real truth."
-"Nothing but truth," says Sophia, "can, I am convinced, come from the
-lips of Mr Allworthy.----Yet, sir, such sudden, such unexpected
-news.----Discovered, you say----may villany be ever so!"--"You will
-soon enough hear the story," cries Allworthy;--"at present let us not
-mention so detested a name.--I have another matter of a very serious
-nature to propose.--O! Miss Western, I know your vast worth, nor can
-I so easily part with the ambition of being allied to it.--I have a
-near relation, madam, a young man whose character is, I am convinced,
-the very opposite to that of this wretch, and whose fortune I will
-make equal to what his was to have been. Could I, madam, hope you
-would admit a visit from him?" Sophia, after a minute's silence,
-answered, "I will deal with the utmost sincerity with Mr Allworthy.
-His character, and the obligation I have just received from him,
-demand it. I have determined at present to listen to no such
-proposals from any person. My only desire is to be restored to the
-affection of my father, and to be again the mistress of his family.
-This, sir, I hope to owe to your good offices. Let me beseech you,
-let me conjure you, by all the goodness which I, and all who know
-you, have experienced, do not, the very moment when you have released
-me from one persecution, do not engage me in another as miserable and
-as fruitless." "Indeed, Miss Western," replied Allworthy, "I am
-capable of no such conduct; and if this be your resolution, he must
-submit to the disappointment, whatever torments he may suffer under
-it." "I must smile now, Mr Allworthy," answered Sophia, "when you
-mention the torments of a man whom I do not know, and who can
-consequently have so little acquaintance with me." "Pardon me, dear
-young lady," cries Allworthy, "I begin now to be afraid he hath had
-too much acquaintance for the repose of his future days; since, if
-ever man was capable of a sincere, violent, and noble passion, such,
-I am convinced, is my unhappy nephew's for Miss Western." "A nephew
-of your's, Mr Allworthy!" answered Sophia. "It is surely strange. I
-never heard of him before." "Indeed, madam," cries Allworthy, "it is
-only the circumstance of his being my nephew to which you are a
-stranger, and which, till this day, was a secret to me.--Mr Jones,
-who has long loved you, he! he is my nephew!" "Mr Jones your nephew,
-sir!" cries Sophia, "can it be possible?"--"He is, indeed, madam,"
-answered Allworthy; "he is my own sister's son--as such I shall
-always own him; nor am I ashamed of owning him. I am much more
-ashamed of my past behaviour to him; but I was as ignorant of his
-merit as of his birth. Indeed, Miss Western, I have used him
-cruelly----Indeed I have."--Here the good man wiped his eyes, and
-after a short pause proceeded--"I never shall be able to reward him
-for his sufferings without your assistance.----Believe me, most
-amiable young lady, I must have a great esteem of that offering which
-I make to your worth. I know he hath been guilty of faults; but there
-is great goodness of heart at the bottom. Believe me, madam, there
-is." Here he stopped, seeming to expect an answer, which he presently
-received from Sophia, after she had a little recovered herself from
-the hurry of spirits into which so strange and sudden information had
-thrown her: "I sincerely wish you joy, sir, of a discovery in which
-you seem to have such satisfaction. I doubt not but you will have all
-the comfort you can promise yourself from it. The young gentleman
-hath certainly a thousand good qualities, which makes it impossible
-he should not behave well to such an uncle."--"I hope, madam," said
-Allworthy, "he hath those good qualities which must make him a good
-husband.--He must, I am sure, be of all men the most abandoned, if a
-lady of your merit should condescend--" "You must pardon me, Mr
-Allworthy," answered Sophia; "I cannot listen to a proposal of this
-kind. Mr Jones, I am convinced, hath much merit; but I shall never
-receive Mr Jones as one who is to be my husband--Upon my honour I
-never will."--"Pardon me, madam," cries Allworthy, "if I am a little
-surprized, after what I have heard from Mr Western--I hope the
-unhappy young man hath done nothing to forfeit your good opinion, if
-he had ever the honour to enjoy it.--Perhaps, he may have been
-misrepresented to you, as he was to me. The same villany may have
-injured him everywhere.--He is no murderer, I assure you; as he hath
-been called."--"Mr Allworthy," answered Sophia, "I have told you my
-resolution. I wonder not at what my father hath told you; but,
-whatever his apprehensions or fears have been, if I know my heart, I
-have given no occasion for them; since it hath always been a fixed
-principle with me, never to have married without his consent. This
-is, I think, the duty of a child to a parent; and this, I hope,
-nothing could ever have prevailed with me to swerve from. I do not
-indeed conceive that the authority of any parent can oblige us to
-marry in direct opposition to our inclinations. To avoid a force of
-this kind, which I had reason to suspect, I left my father's house,
-and sought protection elsewhere. This is the truth of my story; and
-if the world, or my father, carry my intentions any farther, my own
-conscience will acquit me." "I hear you, Miss Western," cries
-Allworthy, "with admiration. I admire the justness of your
-sentiments; but surely there is more in this. I am cautious of
-offending you, young lady; but am I to look on all which I have
-hitherto heard or seen as a dream only? And have you suffered so much
-cruelty from your father on the account of a man to whom you have
-been always absolutely indifferent?" "I beg, Mr Allworthy," answered
-Sophia, "you will not insist on my reasons;--yes, I have suffered
-indeed; I will not, Mr Allworthy, conceal----I will be very sincere
-with you--I own I had a great opinion of Mr Jones--I believe--I know
-I have suffered for my opinion--I have been treated cruelly by my
-aunt, as well as by my father; but that is now past--I beg I may not
-be farther pressed; for, whatever hath been, my resolution is now
-fixed. Your nephew, sir, hath many virtues--he hath great virtues, Mr
-Allworthy. I question not but he will do you honour in the world, and
-make you happy."--"I wish I could make him so, madam," replied
-Allworthy; "but that I am convinced is only in your power. It is that
-conviction which hath made me so earnest a solicitor in his favour."
-"You are deceived indeed, sir; you are deceived," said Sophia. "I
-hope not by him. It is sufficient to have deceived me. Mr Allworthy,
-I must insist on being pressed no farther on this subject. I should
-be sorry--nay, I will not injure him in your favour. I wish Mr Jones
-very well. I sincerely wish him well; and I repeat it again to you,
-whatever demerit he may have to me, I am certain he hath many good
-qualities. I do not disown my former thoughts; but nothing can ever
-recal them. At present there is not a man upon earth whom I would
-more resolutely reject than Mr Jones; nor would the addresses of Mr
-Blifil himself be less agreeable to me."
-
-Western had been long impatient for the event of this conference, and
-was just now arrived at the door to listen; when, having heard the
-last sentiments of his daughter's heart, he lost all temper, and,
-bursting open the door in a rage, cried out--"It is a lie! It is a
-d--n'd lie! It is all owing to that d--n'd rascal Jones; and if she
-could get at un, she'd ha un any hour of the day." Here Allworthy
-interposed, and addressing himself to the squire with some anger in
-his look, he said, "Mr Western, you have not kept your word with me.
-You promised to abstain from all violence."--"Why, so I did," cries
-Western, "as long as it was possible; but to hear a wench telling such
-confounded lies----Zounds! doth she think, if she can make vools of
-other volk, she can make one of me?--No, no, I know her better than
-thee dost." "I am sorry to tell you, sir," answered Allworthy, "it
-doth not appear, by your behaviour to this young lady, that you know
-her at all. I ask pardon for what I say: but I think our intimacy,
-your own desires, and the occasion justify me. She is your daughter,
-Mr Western, and I think she doth honour to your name. If I was capable
-of envy, I should sooner envy you on this account than any other man
-whatever."--"Odrabbit it!" cries the squire, "I wish she was thine,
-with all my heart--wouldst soon be glad to be rid of the trouble o'
-her." "Indeed, my good friend," answered Allworthy, "you yourself are
-the cause of all the trouble you complain of. Place that confidence in
-the young lady which she so well deserves, and I am certain you will
-be the happiest father on earth."--"I confidence in her?" cries the
-squire. "'Sblood! what confidence can I place in her, when she won't
-do as I would ha' her? Let her gi' but her consent to marry as I would
-ha' her, and I'll place as much confidence in her as wouldst ha'
-me."--"You have no right, neighbour," answered Allworthy, "to insist
-on any such consent. A negative voice your daughter allows you, and
-God and nature have thought proper to allow you no more."--"A negative
-voice!" cries the squire, "Ay! ay! I'll show you what a negative voice
-I ha.--Go along, go into your chamber, go, you stubborn----." "Indeed,
-Mr Western," said Allworthy, "indeed you use her cruelly--I cannot
-bear to see this--you shall, you must behave to her in a kinder
-manner. She deserves the best of treatment." "Yes, yes," said the
-squire, "I know what she deserves: now she's gone, I'll shew you what
-she deserves. See here, sir, here is a letter from my cousin, my Lady
-Bellaston, in which she is so kind to gi' me to understand that the
-fellow is got out of prison again; and here she advises me to take all
-the care I can o' the wench. Odzookers! neighbour Allworthy, you don't
-know what it is to govern a daughter."
-
-The squire ended his speech with some compliments to his own sagacity;
-and then Allworthy, after a formal preface, acquainted him with the
-whole discovery which he had made concerning Jones, with his anger to
-Blifil, and with every particular which hath been disclosed to the
-reader in the preceding chapters.
-
-Men over-violent in their dispositions are, for the most part, as
-changeable in them. No sooner then was Western informed of Mr
-Allworthy's intention to make Jones his heir, than he joined heartily
-with the uncle in every commendation of the nephew, and became as
-eager for her marriage with Jones as he had before been to couple her
-to Blifil.
-
-Here Mr Allworthy was again forced to interpose, and to relate what
-had passed between him and Sophia, at which he testified great
-surprize.
-
-The squire was silent a moment, and looked wild with astonishment at
-this account.--At last he cried out, "Why, what can be the meaning of
-this, neighbour Allworthy? Vond o'un she was, that I'll be sworn
-to.----Odzookers! I have hit o't. As sure as a gun I have hit o' the
-very right o't. It's all along o' zister. The girl hath got a
-hankering after this son of a whore of a lord. I vound 'em together at
-my cousin my Lady Bellaston's. He hath turned the head o' her, that's
-certain--but d--n me if he shall ha her--I'll ha no lords nor
-courtiers in my vamily."
-
-Allworthy now made a long speech, in which he repeated his resolution
-to avoid all violent measures, and very earnestly recommended gentle
-methods to Mr Western, as those by which he might be assured of
-succeeding best with his daughter. He then took his leave, and
-returned back to Mrs Miller, but was forced to comply with the earnest
-entreaties of the squire, in promising to bring Mr Jones to visit him
-that afternoon, that he might, as he said, "make all matters up with
-the young gentleman." At Mr Allworthy's departure, Western promised to
-follow his advice in his behaviour to Sophia, saying, "I don't know
-how 'tis, but d--n me, Allworthy, if you don't make me always do just
-as you please; and yet I have as good an estate as you, and am in the
-commission of the peace as well as yourself."
-
-
-Chapter x.
-
-Wherein the history begins to draw towards a conclusion.
-
-
-When Allworthy returned to his lodgings, he heard Mr Jones was just
-arrived before him. He hurried therefore instantly into an empty
-chamber, whither he ordered Mr Jones to be brought to him alone.
-
-It is impossible to conceive a more tender or moving scene than the
-meeting between the uncle and nephew (for Mrs Waters, as the reader
-may well suppose, had at her last visit discovered to him the secret
-of his birth). The first agonies of joy which were felt on both sides
-are indeed beyond my power to describe: I shall not therefore attempt
-it. After Allworthy had raised Jones from his feet, where he had
-prostrated himself, and received him into his arms, "O my child!" he
-cried, "how have I been to blame! how have I injured you! What amends
-can I ever make you for those unkind, those unjust suspicions which I
-have entertained, and for all the sufferings they have occasioned to
-you?" "Am I not now made amends?" cries Jones. "Would not my
-sufferings, if they had been ten times greater, have been now richly
-repaid? O my dear uncle, this goodness, this tenderness overpowers,
-unmans, destroys me. I cannot bear the transports which flow so fast
-upon me. To be again restored to your presence, to your favour; to be
-once more thus kindly received by my great, my noble, my generous
-benefactor."--"Indeed, child," cries Allworthy, "I have used you
-cruelly."----He then explained to him all the treachery of Blifil, and
-again repeated expressions of the utmost concern, for having been
-induced by that treachery to use him so ill. "O, talk not so!"
-answered Jones; "indeed, sir, you have used me nobly. The wisest man
-might be deceived as you were; and, under such a deception, the best
-must have acted just as you did. Your goodness displayed itself in the
-midst of your anger, just as it then seemed. I owe everything to that
-goodness, of which I have been most unworthy. Do not put me on
-self-accusation, by carrying your generous sentiments too far. Alas!
-sir, I have not been punished more than I have deserved; and it shall
-be the whole business of my future life to deserve that happiness you
-now bestow on me; for, believe me, my dear uncle, my punishment hath
-not been thrown away upon me: though I have been a great, I am not a
-hardened sinner; I thank Heaven, I have had time to reflect on my past
-life, where, though I cannot charge myself with any gross villany, yet
-I can discern follies and vices more than enough to repent and to be
-ashamed of; follies which have been attended with dreadful
-consequences to myself, and have brought me to the brink of
-destruction." "I am rejoiced, my dear child," answered Allworthy, "to
-hear you talk thus sensibly; for as I am convinced hypocrisy (good
-Heaven! how have I been imposed on by it in others!) was never among
-your faults, so I can readily believe all you say. You now see, Tom,
-to what dangers imprudence alone may subject virtue (for virtue, I am
-now convinced, you love in a great degree). Prudence is indeed the
-duty which we owe to ourselves; and if we will be so much our own
-enemies as to neglect it, we are not to wonder if the world is
-deficient in discharging their duty to us; for when a man lays the
-foundation of his own ruin, others will, I am afraid, be too apt to
-build upon it. You say, however, you have seen your errors, and will
-reform them. I firmly believe you, my dear child; and therefore, from
-this moment, you shall never be reminded of them by me. Remember them
-only yourself so far as for the future to teach you the better to
-avoid them; but still remember, for your comfort, that there is this
-great difference between those faults which candor may construe into
-imprudence, and those which can be deduced from villany only. The
-former, perhaps, are even more apt to subject a man to ruin; but if he
-reform, his character will, at length, be totally retrieved; the
-world, though not immediately, will in time be reconciled to him; and
-he may reflect, not without some mixture of pleasure, on the dangers
-he hath escaped; but villany, my boy, when once discovered is
-irretrievable; the stains which this leaves behind, no time will wash
-away. The censures of mankind will pursue the wretch, their scorn will
-abash him in publick; and if shame drives him into retirement, he will
-go to it with all those terrors with which a weary child, who is
-afraid of hobgoblins, retreats from company to go to bed alone. Here
-his murdered conscience will haunt him.--Repose, like a false friend,
-will fly from him. Wherever he turns his eyes, horror presents itself;
-if he looks backward, unavailable repentance treads on his heels; if
-forward, incurable despair stares him in the face, till, like a
-condemned prisoner confined in a dungeon, he detests his present
-condition, and yet dreads the consequence of that hour which is to
-relieve him from it. Comfort yourself, I say, my child, that this is
-not your case; and rejoice with thankfulness to him who hath suffered
-you to see your errors, before they have brought on you that
-destruction to which a persistance in even those errors must have led
-you. You have deserted them; and the prospect now before you is such,
-that happiness seems in your own power." At these words Jones fetched
-a deep sigh; upon which, when Allworthy remonstrated, he said, "Sir, I
-will conceal nothing from you: I fear there is one consequence of my
-vices I shall never be able to retrieve. O, my dear uncle! I have lost
-a treasure." "You need say no more," answered Allworthy; "I will be
-explicit with you; I know what you lament; I have seen the young lady,
-and have discoursed with her concerning you. This I must insist on, as
-an earnest of your sincerity in all you have said, and of the
-stedfastness of your resolution, that you obey me in one instance. To
-abide intirely by the determination of the young lady, whether it
-shall be in your favour or no. She hath already suffered enough from
-solicitations which I hate to think of; she shall owe no further
-constraint to my family: I know her father will be as ready to torment
-her now on your account as he hath formerly been on another's; but I
-am determined she shall suffer no more confinement, no more violence,
-no more uneasy hours." "O, my dear uncle!" answered Jones, "lay, I
-beseech you, some command on me, in which I shall have some merit in
-obedience. Believe me, sir, the only instance in which I could disobey
-you would be to give an uneasy moment to my Sophia. No, sir, if I am
-so miserable to have incurred her displeasure beyond all hope of
-forgiveness, that alone, with the dreadful reflection of causing her
-misery, will be sufficient to overpower me. To call Sophia mine is the
-greatest, and now the only additional blessing which heaven can
-bestow; but it is a blessing which I must owe to her alone." "I will
-not flatter you, child," cries Allworthy; "I fear your case is
-desperate: I never saw stronger marks of an unalterable resolution in
-any person than appeared in her vehement declarations against
-receiving your addresses; for which, perhaps, you can account better
-than myself." "Oh, sir! I can account too well," answered Jones; "I
-have sinned against her beyond all hope of pardon; and guilty as I am,
-my guilt unfortunately appears to her in ten times blacker than the
-real colours. O, my dear uncle! I find my follies are irretrievable;
-and all your goodness cannot save me from perdition."
-
-A servant now acquainted them that Mr Western was below-stairs; for
-his eagerness to see Jones could not wait till the afternoon. Upon
-which Jones, whose eyes were full of tears, begged his uncle to
-entertain Western a few minutes, till he a little recovered himself;
-to which the good man consented, and, having ordered Mr Western to be
-shewn into a parlour, went down to him.
-
-Mrs Miller no sooner heard that Jones was alone (for she had not yet
-seen him since his release from prison) than she came eagerly into the
-room, and, advancing towards Jones, wished him heartily joy of his
-new-found uncle and his happy reconciliation; adding, "I wish I could
-give you joy on another account, my dear child; but anything so
-inexorable I never saw."
-
-Jones, with some appearance of surprize, asked her what she meant.
-"Why then," says she, "I have been with your young lady, and have
-explained all matters to her, as they were told to me by my son
-Nightingale. She can have no longer any doubt about the letter; of
-that I am certain; for I told her my son Nightingale was ready to take
-his oath, if she pleased, that it was all his own invention, and the
-letter of his inditing. I told her the very reason of sending the
-letter ought to recommend you to her the more, as it was all upon her
-account, and a plain proof that you was resolved to quit all your
-profligacy for the future; that you had never been guilty of a single
-instance of infidelity to her since your seeing her in town: I am
-afraid I went too far there; but Heaven forgive me! I hope your future
-behaviour will be my justification. I am sure I have said all I can;
-but all to no purpose. She remains inflexible. She says, she had
-forgiven many faults on account of youth; but expressed such
-detestation of the character of a libertine, that she absolutely
-silenced me. I often attempted to excuse you; but the justness of her
-accusation flew in my face. Upon my honour, she is a lovely woman, and
-one of the sweetest and most sensible creatures I ever saw. I could
-have almost kissed her for one expression she made use of. It was a
-sentiment worthy of Seneca, or of a bishop. `I once fancied madam.'
-and she, `I had discovered great goodness of heart in Mr Jones; and
-for that I own I had a sincere esteem; but an entire profligacy of
-manners will corrupt the best heart in the world; and all which a
-good-natured libertine can expect is, that we should mix some grains
-of pity with our contempt and abhorrence.' She is an angelic creature,
-that is the truth on't." "O, Mrs Miller!" answered Jones, "can I bear
-to think that I have lost such an angel?" "Lost! no," cries Mrs
-Miller; "I hope you have not lost her yet. Resolve to leave such
-vicious courses, and you may yet have hopes, nay, if she would remain
-inexorable, there is another young lady, a sweet pretty young lady,
-and a swinging fortune, who is absolutely dying for love of you. I
-heard of it this very morning, and I told it to Miss Western; nay, I
-went a little beyond the truth again; for I told her you had refused
-her; but indeed I knew you would refuse her. And here I must give you
-a little comfort; when I mentioned the young lady's name, who is no
-other than the pretty widow Hunt, I thought she turned pale; but when
-I said you had refused her, I will be sworn her face was all over
-scarlet in an instant; and these were her very words: `I will not deny
-but that I believe he has some affection for me.'"
-
-Here the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Western, who
-could no longer be kept out of the room even by the authority of
-Allworthy himself; though this, as we have often seen, had a wonderful
-power over him.
-
-Western immediately went up to Jones, crying out, "My old friend Tom,
-I am glad to see thee with all my heart! all past must be forgotten; I
-could not intend any affront to thee, because, as Allworthy here
-knows, nay, dost know it thyself, I took thee for another person; and
-where a body means no harm, what signifies a hasty word or two? One
-Christian must forget and forgive another." "I hope, sir," said Jones,
-"I shall never forget the many obligations I have had to you; but as
-for any offence towards me, I declare I am an utter stranger." "A't,"
-says Western, "then give me thy fist; a't as hearty an honest cock as
-any in the kingdom. Come along with me; I'll carry thee to thy
-mistress this moment." Here Allworthy interposed; and the squire being
-unable to prevail either with the uncle or nephew, was, after some
-litigation, obliged to consent to delay introducing Jones to Sophia
-till the afternoon; at which time Allworthy, as well in compassion to
-Jones as in compliance with the eager desires of Western, was
-prevailed upon to promise to attend at the tea-table.
-
-The conversation which now ensued was pleasant enough; and with which,
-had it happened earlier in our history, we would have entertained our
-reader; but as we have now leisure only to attend to what is very
-material, it shall suffice to say that matters being entirely adjusted
-as to the afternoon visit Mr Western again returned home.
-
-
-
-Chapter xi.
-
-The history draws nearer to a conclusion.
-
-
-When Mr Western was departed, Jones began to inform Mr Allworthy and
-Mrs Miller that his liberty had been procured by two noble lords, who,
-together with two surgeons and a friend of Mr Nightingale's, had
-attended the magistrate by whom he had been committed, and by whom, on
-the surgeons' oaths, that the wounded person was out of all manner of
-danger from his wound, he was discharged.
-
-One only of these lords, he said, he had ever seen before, and that no
-more than once; but the other had greatly surprized him by asking his
-pardon for an offence he had been guilty of towards him, occasioned,
-he said, entirely by his ignorance who he was.
-
-Now the reality of the case, with which Jones was not acquainted till
-afterwards, was this:--The lieutenant whom Lord Fellamar had employed,
-according to the advice of Lady Bellaston, to press Jones as a
-vagabond into the sea-service, when he came to report to his lordship
-the event which we have before seen, spoke very favourably of the
-behaviour of Mr Jones on all accounts, and strongly assured that lord
-that he must have mistaken the person, for that Jones was certainly a
-gentleman; insomuch that his lordship, who was strictly a man of
-honour, and would by no means have been guilty of an action which the
-world in general would have condemned, began to be much concerned for
-the advice which he had taken.
-
-Within a day or two after this, Lord Fellamar happened to dine with
-the Irish peer, who, in a conversation upon the duel, acquainted his
-company with the character of Fitzpatrick; to which, indeed, he did
-not do strict justice, especially in what related to his lady. He said
-she was the most innocent, the most injured woman alive, and that from
-compassion alone he had undertaken her cause. He then declared an
-intention of going the next morning to Fitzpatrick's lodgings, in
-order to prevail with him, if possible, to consent to a separation
-from his wife, who, the peer said, was in apprehensions for her life,
-if she should ever return to be under the power of her husband. Lord
-Fellamar agreed to go with him, that he might satisfy himself more
-concerning Jones and the circumstances of the duel; for he was by no
-means easy concerning the part he had acted. The moment his lordship
-gave a hint of his readiness to assist in the delivery of the lady, it
-was eagerly embraced by the other nobleman, who depended much on the
-authority of Lord Fellamar, as he thought it would greatly contribute
-to awe Fitzpatrick into a compliance; and perhaps he was in the right;
-for the poor Irishman no sooner saw these noble peers had undertaken
-the cause of his wife than he submitted, and articles of separation
-were soon drawn up and signed between the parties.
-
-Fitzpatrick, who had been so well satisfied by Mrs Waters concerning
-the innocence of his wife with Jones at Upton, or perhaps, from some
-other reasons, was now become so indifferent to that matter, that he
-spoke highly in favour of Jones to Lord Fellamar, took all the blame
-upon himself, and said the other had behaved very much like a
-gentleman and a man of honour; and upon that lord's further enquiry
-concerning Mr Jones, Fitzpatrick told him he was nephew to a gentleman
-of very great fashion and fortune, which was the account he had just
-received from Mrs Waters after her interview with Dowling.
-
-Lord Fellamar now thought it behoved him to do everything in his power
-to make satisfaction to a gentleman whom he had so grossly injured,
-and without any consideration of rivalship (for he had now given over
-all thoughts of Sophia), determined to procure Mr Jones's liberty,
-being satisfied, as well from Fitzpatrick as his surgeon, that the
-wound was not mortal. He therefore prevailed with the Irish peer to
-accompany him to the place where Jones was confined, to whom he
-behaved as we have already related.
-
-When Allworthy returned to his lodgings, he immediately carried Jones
-into his room, and then acquainted him with the whole matter, as well
-what he had heard from Mrs Waters as what he had discovered from Mr
-Dowling.
-
-Jones expressed great astonishment and no less concern at this
-account, but without making any comment or observation upon it. And
-now a message was brought from Mr Blifil, desiring to know if his
-uncle was at leisure that he might wait upon him. Allworthy started
-and turned pale, and then in a more passionate tone than I believe he
-had ever used before, bid the servant tell Blifil he knew him not.
-"Consider, dear sir," cries Jones, in a trembling voice. "I have
-considered," answered Allworthy, "and you yourself shall carry my
-message to the villain. No one can carry him the sentence of his own
-ruin so properly as the man whose ruin he hath so villanously
-contrived." "Pardon me, dear sir," said Jones; "a moment's reflection
-will, I am sure, convince you of the contrary. What might perhaps be
-but justice from another tongue, would from mine be insult; and to
-whom?--my own brother and your nephew. Nor did he use me so
-barbarously--indeed, that would have been more inexcusable than
-anything he hath done. Fortune may tempt men of no very bad
-dispositions to injustice; but insults proceed only from black and
-rancorous minds, and have no temptations to excuse them. Let me
-beseech you, sir, to do nothing by him in the present height of your
-anger. Consider, my dear uncle, I was not myself condemned unheard."
-Allworthy stood silent a moment, and then, embracing Jones, he said,
-with tears gushing from his eyes, "O my child! to what goodness have I
-been so long blind!"
-
-Mrs Miller entering the room at that moment, after a gentle rap which
-was not perceived, and seeing Jones in the arms of his uncle, the poor
-woman in an agony of joy fell upon her knees, and burst forth into the
-most ecstatic thanksgivings to heaven for what had happened; then,
-running to Jones, she embraced him eagerly, crying, "My dearest
-friend, I wish you joy a thousand and a thousand times of this blest
-day." And next Mr Allworthy himself received the same congratulations.
-To which he answered, "Indeed, indeed, Mrs Miller, I am beyond
-expression happy." Some few more raptures having passed on all sides,
-Mrs Miller desired them both to walk down to dinner in the parlour,
-where she said there were a very happy set of people assembled--being
-indeed no other than Mr Nightingale and his bride, and his cousin
-Harriet with her bridegroom.
-
-Allworthy excused himself from dining with the company, saying he had
-ordered some little thing for him and his nephew in his own apartment,
-for that they had much private business to discourse of; but would not
-resist promising the good woman that both he and Jones would make part
-of her society at supper.
-
-Mrs Miller then asked what was to be done with Blifil? "for indeed,"
-says she, "I cannot be easy while such a villain is in my
-house."--Allworthy answered, "He was as uneasy as herself on the same
-account." "Oh!" cries she, "if that be the case, leave the matter to
-me, I'll soon show him the outside out of my doors, I warrant you.
-Here are two or three lusty fellows below-stairs." "There will be no
-need of any violence," cries Allworthy; "if you will carry him a
-message from me, he will, I am convinced, depart of his own accord."
-"Will I?" said Mrs Miller; "I never did anything in my life with a
-better will." Here Jones interfered, and said, "He had considered the
-matter better, and would, if Mr Allworthy pleased, be himself the
-messenger. I know," says he, "already enough of your pleasure, sir,
-and I beg leave to acquaint him with it by my own words. Let me
-beseech you, sir," added he, "to reflect on the dreadful consequences
-of driving him to violent and sudden despair. How unfit, alas! is this
-poor man to die in his present situation." This suggestion had not the
-least effect on Mrs Miller. She left the room, crying, "You are too
-good, Mr Jones, infinitely too good to live in this world." But it
-made a deeper impression on Allworthy. "My good child," said he, "I am
-equally astonished at the goodness of your heart, and the quickness of
-your understanding. Heaven indeed forbid that this wretch should be
-deprived of any means or time for repentance! That would be a shocking
-consideration indeed. Go to him, therefore, and use your own
-discretion; yet do not flatter him with any hopes of my forgiveness;
-for I shall never forgive villany farther than my religion obliges me,
-and that extends not either to our bounty or our conversation."
-
-Jones went up to Blifil's room, whom he found in a situation which
-moved his pity, though it would have raised a less amiable passion in
-many beholders. He cast himself on his bed, where he lay abandoning
-himself to despair, and drowned in tears; not in such tears as flow
-from contrition, and wash away guilt from minds which have been
-seduced or surprized into it unawares, against the bent of their
-natural dispositions, as will sometimes happen from human frailty,
-even to the good; no, these tears were such as the frighted thief
-sheds in his cart, and are indeed the effects of that concern which
-the most savage natures are seldom deficient in feeling for
-themselves.
-
-It would be unpleasant and tedious to paint this scene in full length.
-Let it suffice to say, that the behaviour of Jones was kind to excess.
-He omitted nothing which his invention could supply, to raise and
-comfort the drooping spirits of Blifil, before he communicated to him
-the resolution of his uncle that he must quit the house that evening.
-He offered to furnish him with any money he wanted, assured him of his
-hearty forgiveness of all he had done against him, that he would
-endeavour to live with him hereafter as a brother, and would leave
-nothing unattempted to effectuate a reconciliation with his uncle.
-
-Blifil was at first sullen and silent, balancing in his mind whether
-he should yet deny all; but, finding at last the evidence too strong
-against him, he betook himself at last to confession. He then asked
-pardon of his brother in the most vehement manner, prostrated himself
-on the ground, and kissed his feet; in short he was now as remarkably
-mean as he had been before remarkably wicked.
-
-Jones could not so far check his disdain, but that it a little
-discovered itself in his countenance at this extreme servility. He
-raised his brother the moment he could from the ground, and advised
-him to bear his afflictions more like a man; repeating, at the same
-time, his promises, that he would do all in his power to lessen them;
-for which Blifil, making many professions of his unworthiness, poured
-forth a profusion of thanks; and then, he having declared he would
-immediately depart to another lodging, Jones returned to his uncle.
-
-Among other matters, Allworthy now acquainted Jones with the discovery
-which he had made concerning the £500 bank-notes. "I have," said he,
-"already consulted a lawyer, who tells me, to my great astonishment,
-that there is no punishment for a fraud of this kind. Indeed, when I
-consider the black ingratitude of this fellow toward you, I think a
-highwayman, compared to him, is an innocent person."
-
-"Good Heaven!" says Jones, "is it possible?--I am shocked beyond
-measure at this news. I thought there was not an honester fellow in
-the world.----The temptation of such a sum was too great for him to
-withstand; for smaller matters have come safe to me through his hand.
-Indeed, my dear uncle, you must suffer me to call it weakness rather
-than ingratitude; for I am convinced the poor fellow loves me, and
-hath done me some kindnesses, which I can never forget; nay, I believe
-he hath repented of this very act; for it is not above a day or two
-ago, when my affairs seemed in the most desperate situation, that he
-visited me in my confinement, and offered me any money I wanted.
-Consider, sir, what a temptation to a man who hath tasted such bitter
-distress, it must be, to have a sum in his possession which must put
-him and his family beyond any future possibility of suffering the
-like."
-
-"Child," cries Allworthy, "you carry this forgiving temper too far.
-Such mistaken mercy is not only weakness, but borders on injustice,
-and is very pernicious to society, as it encourages vice. The
-dishonesty of this fellow I might, perhaps, have pardoned, but never
-his ingratitude. And give me leave to say, when we suffer any
-temptation to atone for dishonesty itself, we are as candid and
-merciful as we ought to be; and so far I confess I have gone; for I
-have often pitied the fate of a highwayman, when I have been on the
-grand jury; and have more than once applied to the judge on the behalf
-of such as have had any mitigating circumstances in their case; but
-when dishonesty is attended with any blacker crime, such as cruelty,
-murder, ingratitude, or the like, compassion and forgiveness then
-become faults. I am convinced the fellow is a villain, and he shall be
-punished; at least as far as I can punish him."
-
-This was spoken with so stern a voice, that Jones did not think proper
-to make any reply; besides, the hour appointed by Mr Western now drew
-so near, that he had barely time left to dress himself. Here therefore
-ended the present dialogue, and Jones retired to another room, where
-Partridge attended, according to order, with his cloaths.
-
-Partridge had scarce seen his master since the happy discovery. The
-poor fellow was unable either to contain or express his transports. He
-behaved like one frantic, and made almost as many mistakes while he
-was dressing Jones as I have seen made by Harlequin in dressing
-himself on the stage.
-
-His memory, however, was not in the least deficient. He recollected
-now many omens and presages of this happy event, some of which he had
-remarked at the time, but many more he now remembered; nor did he omit
-the dreams he had dreamt the evening before his meeting with Jones;
-and concluded with saying, "I always told your honour something boded
-in my mind that you would one time or other have it in your power to
-make my fortune." Jones assured him that this boding should as
-certainly be verified with regard to him as all the other omens had
-been to himself; which did not a little add to all the raptures which
-the poor fellow had already conceived on account of his master.
-
-
-
-Chapter xii.
-
-Approaching still nearer to the end.
-
-
-Jones, being now completely dressed, attended his uncle to Mr
-Western's. He was, indeed, one of the finest figures ever beheld, and
-his person alone would have charmed the greater part of womankind; but
-we hope it hath already appeared in this history that Nature, when she
-formed him, did not totally rely, as she sometimes doth, on this merit
-only, to recommend her work.
-
-Sophia, who, angry as she was, was likewise set forth to the best
-advantage, for which I leave my female readers to account, appeared so
-extremely beautiful, that even Allworthy, when he saw her, could not
-forbear whispering Western, that he believed she was the finest
-creature in the world. To which Western answered, in a whisper,
-overheard by all present, "So much the better for Tom;--for d--n me if
-he shan't ha the tousling her." Sophia was all over scarlet at these
-words, while Tom's countenance was altogether as pale, and he was
-almost ready to sink from his chair.
-
-The tea-table was scarce removed before Western lugged Allworthy out
-of the room, telling him he had business of consequence to impart, and
-must speak to him that instant in private, before he forgot it.
-
-The lovers were now alone, and it will, I question not, appear strange
-to many readers, that those who had so much to say to one another when
-danger and difficulty attended their conversation, and who seemed so
-eager to rush into each other's arms when so many bars lay in their
-way, now that with safety they were at liberty to say or do whatever
-they pleased, should both remain for some time silent and motionless;
-insomuch that a stranger of moderate sagacity might have well
-concluded they were mutually indifferent; but so it was, however
-strange it may seem; both sat with their eyes cast downwards on the
-ground, and for some minutes continued in perfect silence.
-
-Mr Jones during this interval attempted once or twice to speak, but
-was absolutely incapable, muttering only, or rather sighing out, some
-broken words; when Sophia at length, partly out of pity to him, and
-partly to turn the discourse from the subject which she knew well
-enough he was endeavouring to open, said--
-
-"Sure, sir, you are the most fortunate man in the world in this
-discovery." "And can you really, madam, think me so fortunate," said
-Jones, sighing, "while I have incurred your displeasure?"--"Nay, sir,"
-says she, "as to that you best know whether you have deserved it."
-"Indeed, madam," answered he, "you yourself are as well apprized of
-all my demerits. Mrs Miller hath acquainted you with the whole truth.
-O! my Sophia, am I never to hope for forgiveness?"--"I think, Mr
-Jones," said she, "I may almost depend on your own justice, and leave
-it to yourself to pass sentence on your own conduct."--"Alas! madam,"
-answered he, "it is mercy, and not justice, which I implore at your
-hands. Justice I know must condemn me.--Yet not for the letter I sent
-to Lady Bellaston. Of that I most solemnly declare you have had a true
-account." He then insisted much on the security given him by
-Nightingale of a fair pretence for breaking off, if, contrary to their
-expectations, her ladyship should have accepted his offer; but confest
-that he had been guilty of a great indiscretion to put such a letter
-as that into her power, "which," said he, "I have dearly paid for, in
-the effect it has upon you." "I do not, I cannot," says she, "believe
-otherwise of that letter than you would have me. My conduct, I think,
-shews you clearly I do not believe there is much in that. And yet, Mr
-Jones, have I not enough to resent? After what past at Upton, so soon
-to engage in a new amour with another woman, while I fancied, and you
-pretended, your heart was bleeding for me? Indeed, you have acted
-strangely. Can I believe the passion you have profest to me to be
-sincere? Or, if I can, what happiness can I assure myself of with a
-man capable of so much inconstancy?" "O! my Sophia," cries he, "do not
-doubt the sincerity of the purest passion that ever inflamed a human
-breast. Think, most adorable creature, of my unhappy situation, of my
-despair. Could I, my Sophia, have flattered myself with the most
-distant hopes of being ever permitted to throw myself at your feet in
-the manner I do now, it would not have been in the power of any other
-woman to have inspired a thought which the severest chastity could
-have condemned. Inconstancy to you! O Sophia! if you can have goodness
-enough to pardon what is past, do not let any cruel future
-apprehensions shut your mercy against me. No repentance was ever more
-sincere. O! let it reconcile me to my heaven in this dear bosom."
-"Sincere repentance, Mr Jones," answered she, "will obtain the pardon
-of a sinner, but it is from one who is a perfect judge of that
-sincerity. A human mind may be imposed on; nor is there any infallible
-method to prevent it. You must expect, however, that if I can be
-prevailed on by your repentance to pardon you, I will at least insist
-on the strongest proof of its sincerity." "Name any proof in my
-power," answered Jones eagerly. "Time," replied she; "time alone, Mr
-Jones, can convince me that you are a true penitent, and have resolved
-to abandon these vicious courses, which I should detest you for, if I
-imagined you capable of persevering in them." "Do not imagine it,"
-cries Jones. "On my knees I intreat, I implore your confidence, a
-confidence which it shall be the business of my life to deserve." "Let
-it then," said she, "be the business of some part of your life to shew
-me you deserve it. I think I have been explicit enough in assuring
-you, that, when I see you merit my confidence, you will obtain it.
-After what is past, sir, can you expect I should take you upon your
-word?"
-
-He replied, "Don't believe me upon my word; I have a better security,
-a pledge for my constancy, which it is impossible to see and to
-doubt." "What is that?" said Sophia, a little surprized. "I will show
-you, my charming angel," cried Jones, seizing her hand and carrying
-her to the glass. "There, behold it there in that lovely figure, in
-that face, that shape, those eyes, that mind which shines through
-these eyes; can the man who shall be in possession of these be
-inconstant? Impossible! my Sophia; they would fix a Dorimant, a Lord
-Rochester. You could not doubt it, if you could see yourself with any
-eyes but your own." Sophia blushed and half smiled; but, forcing
-again her brow into a frown--"If I am to judge," said she, "of the
-future by the past, my image will no more remain in your heart when I
-am out of your sight, than it will in this glass when I am out of the
-room." "By heaven, by all that is sacred!" said Jones, "it never was
-out of my heart. The delicacy of your sex cannot conceive the
-grossness of ours, nor how little one sort of amour has to do with
-the heart." "I will never marry a man," replied Sophia, very gravely,
-"who shall not learn refinement enough to be as incapable as I am
-myself of making such a distinction." "I will learn it," said Jones.
-"I have learnt it already. The first moment of hope that my Sophia
-might be my wife taught it me at once; and all the rest of her sex
-from that moment became as little the objects of desire to my sense
-as of passion to my heart." "Well," says Sophia, "the proof of this
-must be from time. Your situation, Mr Jones, is now altered, and I
-assure you I have great satisfaction in the alteration. You will now
-want no opportunity of being near me, and convincing me that your
-mind is altered too." "O! my angel," cries Jones, "how shall I thank
-thy goodness! And are you so good to own that you have a satisfaction
-in my prosperity?----Believe me, believe me, madam, it is you alone
-have given a relish to that prosperity, since I owe to it the dear
-hope----O! my Sophia, let it not be a distant one.--I will be all
-obedience to your commands. I will not dare to press anything further
-than you permit me. Yet let me intreat you to appoint a short trial.
-O! tell me when I may expect you will be convinced of what is most
-solemnly true." "When I have gone voluntarily thus far, Mr Jones,"
-said she, "I expect not to be pressed. Nay, I will not."--"O! don't
-look unkindly thus, my Sophia," cries he. "I do not, I dare not press
-you.--Yet permit me at least once more to beg you would fix the
-period. O! consider the impatience of love."--"A twelvemonth,
-perhaps," said she. "O! my Sophia," cries he, "you have named an
-eternity."--"Perhaps it may be something sooner," says she; "I will
-not be teazed. If your passion for me be what I would have it, I
-think you may now be easy."--"Easy! Sophia, call not such an exulting
-happiness as mine by so cold a name.----O! transporting thought! am I
-not assured that the blessed day will come, when I shall call you
-mine; when fears shall be no more; when I shall have that dear, that
-vast, that exquisite, ecstatic delight of making my Sophia
-happy?"--"Indeed, sir," said she, "that day is in your own
-power."--"O! my dear, my divine angel," cried he, "these words have
-made me mad with joy.----But I must, I will thank those dear lips
-which have so sweetly pronounced my bliss." He then caught her in his
-arms, and kissed her with an ardour he had never ventured before.
-
-At this instant Western, who had stood some time listening, burst into
-the room, and, with his hunting voice and phrase, cried out, "To her,
-boy, to her, go to her.----That's it, little honeys, O that's it!
-Well! what, is it all over? Hath she appointed the day, boy? What,
-shall it be to-morrow or next day? It shan't be put off a minute
-longer than next day, I am resolved." "Let me beseech you, sir," says
-Jones, "don't let me be the occasion"----"Beseech mine a----," cries
-Western. "I thought thou hadst been a lad of higher mettle than to
-give way to a parcel of maidenish tricks.----I tell thee 'tis all
-flimflam. Zoodikers! she'd have the wedding to-night with all her
-heart. Would'st not, Sophy? Come, confess, and be an honest girl for
-once. What, art dumb? Why dost not speak?" "Why should I confess,
-sir," says Sophia, "since it seems you are so well acquainted with my
-thoughts?"----"That's a good girl," cries he, "and dost consent then?"
-"No, indeed, sir," says Sophia, "I have given no such consent."---"And
-wunt not ha un then to-morrow, nor next day?" says Western.--"Indeed,
-sir," says she, "I have no such intention." "But I can tell thee,"
-replied he, "why hast nut; only because thou dost love to be
-disobedient, and to plague and vex thy father." "Pray, sir," said
-Jones, interfering----"I tell thee thou art a puppy," cries he. "When
-I vorbid her, then it was all nothing but sighing and whining, and
-languishing and writing; now I am vor thee, she is against thee. All
-the spirit of contrary, that's all. She is above being guided and
-governed by her father, that is the whole truth on't. It is only to
-disoblige and contradict me." "What would my papa have me do?" cries
-Sophia. "What would I ha thee do?" says he, "why, gi' un thy hand this
-moment."--"Well, sir," says Sophia, "I will obey you.--There is my
-hand, Mr Jones." "Well, and will you consent to ha un to-morrow
-morning?" says Western.--"I will be obedient to you, sir," cries
-she.--"Why then to-morrow morning be the day," cries he. "Why then
-to-morrow morning shall be the day, papa, since you will have it so,"
-says Sophia. Jones then fell upon his knees, and kissed her hand in an
-agony of joy, while Western began to caper and dance about the room,
-presently crying out--"Where the devil is Allworthy? He is without
-now, a talking with that d--d lawyer Dowling, when he should be
-minding other matters." He then sallied out in quest of him, and very
-opportunely left the lovers to enjoy a few tender minutes alone.
-
-But he soon returned with Allworthy, saying, "If you won't believe me,
-you may ask her yourself. Hast nut gin thy consent, Sophy, to be
-married to-morrow?" "Such are your commands, sir," cries Sophia, "and
-I dare not be guilty of disobedience." "I hope, madam," cries
-Allworthy, "my nephew will merit so much goodness, and will be always
-as sensible as myself of the great honour you have done my family. An
-alliance with so charming and so excellent a young lady would indeed
-be an honour to the greatest in England." "Yes," cries Western, "but
-if I had suffered her to stand shill I shall I, dilly dally, you might
-not have had that honour yet a while; I was forced to use a little
-fatherly authority to bring her to." "I hope not, sir," cries
-Allworthy, "I hope there is not the least constraint." "Why, there,"
-cries Western, "you may bid her unsay all again if you will. Dost
-repent heartily of thy promise, dost not, Sophia?" "Indeed, papa,"
-cries she, "I do not repent, nor do I believe I ever shall, of any
-promise in favour of Mr Jones." "Then, nephew," cries Allworthy, "I
-felicitate you most heartily; for I think you are the happiest of men.
-And, madam, you will give me leave to congratulate you on this joyful
-occasion: indeed, I am convinced you have bestowed yourself on one who
-will be sensible of your great merit, and who will at least use his
-best endeavours to deserve it." "His best endeavours!" cries Western,
-"that he will, I warrant un.----Harkee, Allworthy, I'll bet thee five
-pounds to a crown we have a boy to-morrow nine months; but prithee
-tell me what wut ha! Wut ha Burgundy, Champaigne, or what? for, please
-Jupiter, we'll make a night on't." "Indeed, sir," said Allworthy, "you
-must excuse me; both my nephew and I were engaged before I suspected
-this near approach of his happiness."--"Engaged!" quoth the squire,
-"never tell me.--I won't part with thee to-night upon any occasion.
-Shalt sup here, please the lord Harry." "You must pardon me, my dear
-neighbour!" answered Allworthy; "I have given a solemn promise, and
-that you know I never break." "Why, prithee, who art engaged to?"
-cries the squire.----Allworthy then informed him, as likewise of the
-company.----"Odzookers!" answered the squire, "I will go with thee,
-and so shall Sophy! for I won't part with thee to-night; and it would
-be barbarous to part Tom and the girl." This offer was presently
-embraced by Allworthy, and Sophia consented, having first obtained a
-private promise from her father that he would not mention a syllable
-concerning her marriage.
-
-
-
-Chapter the last.
-
-In which the history is concluded.
-
-
-Young Nightingale had been that afternoon, by appointment, to wait on
-his father, who received him much more kindly than he expected. There
-likewise he met his uncle, who was returned to town in quest of his
-new-married daughter.
-
-This marriage was the luckiest incident which could have happened to
-the young gentleman; for these brothers lived in a constant state of
-contention about the government of their children, both heartily
-despising the method which each other took. Each of them therefore now
-endeavoured, as much as he could, to palliate the offence which his
-own child had committed, and to aggravate the match of the other. This
-desire of triumphing over his brother, added to the many arguments
-which Allworthy had used, so strongly operated on the old gentleman
-that he met his son with a smiling countenance, and actually agreed to
-sup with him that evening at Mrs Miller's.
-
-As for the other, who really loved his daughter with the most
-immoderate affection, there was little difficulty in inclining him to
-a reconciliation. He was no sooner informed by his nephew where his
-daughter and her husband were, than he declared he would instantly go
-to her. And when he arrived there he scarce suffered her to fall upon
-her knees before he took her up, and embraced her with a tenderness
-which affected all who saw him; and in less than a quarter of an hour
-was as well reconciled to both her and her husband as if he had
-himself joined their hands.
-
-In this situation were affairs when Mr Allworthy and his company
-arrived to complete the happiness of Mrs Miller, who no sooner saw
-Sophia than she guessed everything that had happened; and so great was
-her friendship to Jones, that it added not a few transports to those
-she felt on the happiness of her own daughter.
-
-There have not, I believe, been many instances of a number of people
-met together, where every one was so perfectly happy as in this
-company. Amongst whom the father of young Nightingale enjoyed the
-least perfect content; for, notwithstanding his affection for his son,
-notwithstanding the authority and the arguments of Allworthy, together
-with the other motive mentioned before, he could not so entirely be
-satisfied with his son's choice; and, perhaps, the presence of Sophia
-herself tended a little to aggravate and heighten his concern, as a
-thought now and then suggested itself that his son might have had that
-lady, or some other such. Not that any of the charms which adorned
-either the person or mind of Sophia created the uneasiness; it was the
-contents of her father's coffers which set his heart a longing. These
-were the charms which he could not bear to think his son had
-sacrificed to the daughter of Mrs Miller.
-
-The brides were both very pretty women; but so totally were they
-eclipsed by the beauty of Sophia, that, had they not been two of the
-best-tempered girls in the world, it would have raised some envy in
-their breasts; for neither of their husbands could long keep his eyes
-from Sophia, who sat at the table like a queen receiving homage, or,
-rather, like a superior being receiving adoration from all around her.
-But it was an adoration which they gave, not which she exacted; for
-she was as much distinguished by her modesty and affability as by all
-her other perfections.
-
-The evening was spent in much true mirth. All were happy, but those
-the most who had been most unhappy before. Their former sufferings and
-fears gave such a relish to their felicity as even love and fortune,
-in their fullest flow, could not have given without the advantage of
-such a comparison. Yet, as great joy, especially after a sudden change
-and revolution of circumstances, is apt to be silent, and dwells
-rather in the heart than on the tongue, Jones and Sophia appeared the
-least merry of the whole company; which Western observed with great
-impatience, often crying out to them, "Why dost not talk, boy? Why
-dost look so grave? Hast lost thy tongue, girl? Drink another glass of
-wine; sha't drink another glass." And, the more to enliven her, he
-would sometimes sing a merry song, which bore some relation to
-matrimony and the loss of a maidenhead. Nay, he would have proceeded
-so far on that topic as to have driven her out of the room, if Mr
-Allworthy had not checkt him, sometimes by looks, and once or twice by
-a "Fie! Mr Western!" He began, indeed, once to debate the matter, and
-assert his right to talk to his own daughter as he thought fit; but,
-as nobody seconded him, he was soon reduced to order.
-
-Notwithstanding this little restraint, he was so pleased with the
-chearfulness and good-humour of the company, that he insisted on their
-meeting the next day at his lodgings. They all did so; and the lovely
-Sophia, who was now in private become a bride too, officiated as the
-mistress of the ceremonies, or, in the polite phrase, did the honours
-of the table. She had that morning given her hand to Jones, in the
-chapel at Doctors'-Commons, where Mr Allworthy, Mr Western, and Mrs
-Miller, were the only persons present.
-
-Sophia had earnestly desired her father that no others of the company,
-who were that day to dine with him, should be acquainted with her
-marriage. The same secrecy was enjoined to Mrs Miller, and Jones
-undertook for Allworthy. This somewhat reconciled the delicacy of
-Sophia to the public entertainment which, in compliance with her
-father's will, she was obliged to go to, greatly against her own
-inclinations. In confidence of this secrecy she went through the day
-pretty well, till the squire, who was now advanced into the second
-bottle, could contain his joy no longer, but, filling out a bumper,
-drank a health to the bride. The health was immediately pledged by all
-present, to the great confusion of our poor blushing Sophia, and the
-great concern of Jones upon her account. To say truth, there was not a
-person present made wiser by this discovery; for Mrs Miller had
-whispered it to her daughter, her daughter to her husband, her husband
-to his sister, and she to all the rest.
-
-Sophia now took the first opportunity of withdrawing with the ladies,
-and the squire sat in to his cups, in which he was, by degrees,
-deserted by all the company except the uncle of young Nightingale, who
-loved his bottle as well as Western himself. These two, therefore, sat
-stoutly to it during the whole evening, and long after that happy hour
-which had surrendered the charming Sophia to the eager arms of her
-enraptured Jones.
-
-Thus, reader, we have at length brought our history to a conclusion,
-in which, to our great pleasure, though contrary, perhaps, to thy
-expectation, Mr Jones appears to be the happiest of all humankind; for
-what happiness this world affords equal to the possession of such a
-woman as Sophia, I sincerely own I have never yet discovered.
-
-As to the other persons who have made any considerable figure in this
-history, as some may desire to know a little more concerning them, we
-will proceed, in as few words as possible, to satisfy their curiosity.
-
-Allworthy hath never yet been prevailed upon to see Blifil, but he
-hath yielded to the importunity of Jones, backed by Sophia, to settle
-£200 a-year upon him; to which Jones hath privately added a third.
-Upon this income he lives in one of the northern counties, about 200
-miles distant from London, and lays up £200 a-year out of it, in order
-to purchase a seat in the next parliament from a neighbouring borough,
-which he has bargained for with an attourney there. He is also lately
-turned Methodist, in hopes of marrying a very rich widow of that sect,
-whose estate lies in that part of the kingdom.
-
-Square died soon after he writ the before-mentioned letter; and as to
-Thwackum, he continues at his vicarage. He hath made many fruitless
-attempts to regain the confidence of Allworthy, or to ingratiate
-himself with Jones, both of whom he flatters to their faces, and
-abuses behind their backs. But in his stead, Mr Allworthy hath lately
-taken Mr Abraham Adams into his house, of whom Sophia is grown
-immoderately fond, and declares he shall have the tuition of her
-children.
-
-Mrs Fitzpatrick is separated from her husband, and retains the little
-remains of her fortune. She lives in reputation at the polite end of
-the town, and is so good an economist, that she spends three times
-the income of her fortune, without running into debt. She maintains a
-perfect intimacy with the lady of the Irish peer; and in acts of
-friendship to her repays all obligations she owes her husband.
-
-Mrs Western was soon reconciled to her niece Sophia, and hath spent
-two months together with her in the country. Lady Bellaston made the
-latter a formal visit at her return to town, where she behaved to
-Jones as a perfect stranger, and, with great civility, wished him joy
-on his marriage.
-
-Mr Nightingale hath purchased an estate for his son in the
-neighbourhood of Jones, where the young gentleman, his lady, Mrs
-Miller, and her little daughter reside, and the most agreeable
-intercourse subsists between the two families.
-
-As to those of lower account, Mrs Waters returned into the country,
-had a pension of £60 a-year settled upon her by Mr Allworthy, and is
-married to Parson Supple, on whom, at the instance of Sophia, Western
-hath bestowed a considerable living.
-
-Black George, hearing the discovery that had been made, ran away, and
-was never since heard of; and Jones bestowed the money on his family,
-but not in equal proportions, for Molly had much the greatest share.
-
-As for Partridge, Jones hath settled £50 a-year on him; and he hath
-again set up a school, in which he meets with much better
-encouragement than formerly, and there is now a treaty of marriage on
-foot between him and Miss Molly Seagrim, which, through the mediation
-of Sophia, is likely to take effect.
-
-We now return to take leave of Mr Jones and Sophia, who, within two
-days after their marriage, attended Mr Western and Mr Allworthy into
-the country. Western hath resigned his family seat, and the greater
-part of his estate, to his son-in-law, and hath retired to a lesser
-house of his in another part of the country, which is better for
-hunting. Indeed, he is often as a visitant with Mr Jones, who, as well
-as his daughter, hath an infinite delight in doing everything in their
-power to please him. And this desire of theirs is attended with such
-success, that the old gentleman declares he was never happy in his
-life till now. He hath here a parlour and ante-chamber to himself,
-where he gets drunk with whom he pleases: and his daughter is still as
-ready as formerly to play to him whenever he desires it; for Jones
-hath assured her that, as, next to pleasing her, one of his highest
-satisfactions is to contribute to the happiness of the old man; so,
-the great duty which she expresses and performs to her father, renders
-her almost equally dear to him with the love which she bestows on
-himself.
-
-Sophia hath already produced him two fine children, a boy and a girl,
-of whom the old gentleman is so fond, that he spends much of his time
-in the nursery, where he declares the tattling of his little
-grand-daughter, who is above a year and a half old, is sweeter music
-than the finest cry of dogs in England.
-
-Allworthy was likewise greatly liberal to Jones on the marriage, and
-hath omitted no instance of shewing his affection to him and his lady,
-who love him as a father. Whatever in the nature of Jones had a
-tendency to vice, has been corrected by continual conversation with
-this good man, and by his union with the lovely and virtuous Sophia.
-He hath also, by reflection on his past follies, acquired a discretion
-and prudence very uncommon in one of his lively parts.
-
-To conclude, as there are not to be found a worthier man and woman,
-than this fond couple, so neither can any be imagined more happy. They
-preserve the purest and tenderest affection for each other, an
-affection daily encreased and confirmed by mutual endearments and
-mutual esteem. Nor is their conduct towards their relations and
-friends less amiable than towards one another. And such is their
-condescension, their indulgence, and their beneficence to those below
-them, that there is not a neighbour, a tenant, or a servant, who doth
-not most gratefully bless the day when Mr Jones was married to his
-Sophia.
-
-
-
-_FINIS_.
-
-
-
-
-
-
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-Henry Fielding
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