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} - .c003 { font-size: 0.75em; } - .c004 { margin-top: 2em; } - .c005 { font-size: 1em; } - .c006 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 45%; width: 10%; margin-right: 45%; - margin-top: 4em; } - .c007 { margin-bottom: 4em; margin-top: 4em; } - .c008 { font-size: 1.5em; } - .c009 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%; margin-right: 40%; } - .c010 { margin-top: 4em; } - .c011 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 20%; width: 60%; margin-right: 20%; - margin-top: 6em; } - .c012 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 20%; width: 60%; margin-right: 20%; } - .c013 { margin-top: 6em; } - .c014 { page-break-before:auto; margin-top: 4em; } - .c015 { margin-left: 13.89%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c016 { margin-left: 13.89%; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c017 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 45%; width: 10%; margin-right: 45%; } - .c018 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 45%; width: 10%; margin-right: 45%; - margin-top: 2em; } - .c019 { margin-left: 1.39%; margin-top: 1em; } - .c020 { margin-left: 13.89%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c021 { margin-left: 27.78%; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c022 { margin-left: 20.83%; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c023 { margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - body {width:80%; margin:auto; font-size: 0.9em; line-height: 130% } - .tnbox {background-color:#E3E4FA;border:1px solid silver;padding: 0.5em; - margin:2em 10% 0 10%; } - h1 {font-size: 2em; text-align: center; } - </style> - </head> - <body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Hybrids, An Epi-comic Satire, by An M. D.</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Hybrids, An Epi-comic Satire</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: An M. D.</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: June 30, 2021 [eBook #65732]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HYBRIDS, AN EPI-COMIC SATIRE ***</div> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div> - <h1 class='c001'>THE HYBRIDS,<br /> <br /><span class='c002'>AN</span><br /> <br /><span class='c003'><em class='gesperrt'>EPI-COMIC SATIRE</em></span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div class='c004'><span class='c005'>BY AN M. D.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c006' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div class='c007'><span class='c008'><span class='sc'>Mollusks, Saurians, Pachyderms.</span></span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c009' /> -<div class='lg-container-b c010'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'>A cordial concocted in love and sincerity</div> - <div class='line'>Of sarcasm and sense, with grains of severity,</div> - <div class='line'>For healing whatever the purchaser pleases,</div> - <div class='line'>But specially suited to female diseases.</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c006' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div>MILWAUKEE, 1871.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> -<hr class='c011' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='c003'>Entered according to the act of Congress, in the year 1871, by</span></div> - <div><span class='c003'>F. H. HARWOOD,</span></div> - <div><span class='c003'>In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c012' /> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c013' /> -</div> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span> - <h2 class='c014'>AS-CRIPTION.</h2> -</div> -<div class='c015'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-h.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -HAIL blest stupidity! impervious shield<br /> -Of dullness hail! No thorn in all the field<br /> -Of reason, wit, or satire, hath been found,<br /> -Could reach thy soul in toughest bull-hide bound!</p> -<p class='c015'>Refreshingly unconscious thou dost graze<br /> -Amid the brambles of sublunar ways,<br /> -In rare beatitude of placid soul,<br /> -Thy skin unbroken sound and whole;</p> - -<p class='c016'>Smiling serene, while scratches, wounds, and pricks<br /> -Of fate adverse, and fame’s vexatious tricks,<br /> -Which goad the thinner skinned to agony,<br /> -But prove a pleasing stimulant to thee.</p> - -<p class='c016'>How almost enviable is such state.<br /> -Where angels of bliss indifferent await<br /> -To keep the stinging brood of scorn at bay,<br /> -And turn the keener darts of love away;—<br /> -Where grateful thistles bloom the live-long day,<br /> -And long ears wave triumphant at each bray.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> -<div class='chapter'> - <span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span> - <h2 class='c014'>PRELUDE.</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c004'> - <div>(A MINOR.)</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c017' /> -<div class='c016'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-y.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -<span class='sc'>Ye Gods</span> assist! aid me ye heav’nly nine!<br /> -Let all your pow’rs cooperate with mine,<br /> -Justly to celebrate the theme divine<br /> -Of woman hatching into masculine.<br /> -From high empyrean descend, ye Graces,<br /></p> -<p class='c016'>If there ye dwell, (if not where’er the place is,—)<br /> -Unlock, ye Sciences, ye Arts, prepare<br /> -Donations rich from water earth and air!<br /> -Unite, O Poesy, in one bright chain<br /> -All metaphors both sacred and profane!<br /> -Fuse, all ye elements, for this my story<br /> -In one great holocaust to female glory.<br /> -So may the bard in worthy style proclaim<br /> -The Amazonian honor, name, and fame;<br /> -And so to all posterity transmit<br /> -Those deeds redoubtable in measures fit,—<br /> -That wond’rous story, born on earthly sod,<br /> -Disperse through all the universe of God.<br /> -I sing the birth of th’ Amazonian age<br /> -Whose rampant outcoming may well engage<br /> -The philosophic thought of wrinkled sage,<br /> -The poets flippant measure, and the page<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span>Where history records, with equal care,<br /> -The most important and the least affair.<br /> -No feeble, helpless waif was born that day,—<br /> -Feeling to life, its weak uncertain way,<br /> -With gentle breath, a thought of heav’n that lingers,<br /> -Kissing its velvet lips and waxen fingers.<br /> -But, sooth to say, a fierce volcanic child<br /> -Tore into being, amid orgies wild.<br /> -Begot of unrest, conceived of unreason,<br /> -Carried in envy and born out of season,<br /> -It burst on the world a monster, a fright,<br /> -A meteor baleful, a mildew and blight,<br /> -A terror, like the fabled torch of yore<br /> -A mother dreaming, in speechless anguish bore;<br /> -A Ghoul, half human, shapeless monster half,<br /> -Not quite a kangaroo, not quite giraffe,<br /> -With countless social improprieties,<br /> -Weak indiscretions, contrarieties—<br /> -A bundle of irregularities<br /> -With woman’s skin to wrap its rarities.<br /> -A child of many hopes which proved to be<br /> -A harpy foul of evil augury.<br /> -Its upper half boxer—like brawny and strong,<br /> -The members termed nether were scrawny and long;<br /> -And ended in fixtures quite fit for its trade—<br /> -Huge talons, like buzzard’s, for tearing things, made.<br /> -It’s nose might have stood for a Monitor’s pride,—<br /> -A cutwater shapely to buffet the tide,<br /> -With “<i>noli me tangere</i>” carved deep and wide<br /> -In wrinkles upturning with scorn either side.<br /> -The tongue was a marvel of skill and design;<br /> -’Twas snake like and forked, but the forkings were nine,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>A complicate unit, a digitate thing.<br /> -Each digit played loose, and was armed with a sting<br /> -Which was death—the whole waved like banner unfurled<br /> -From its foam-covered mouth, defiantly curled—<br /> -A gulf that was yawning to swallow a world.<br /> -Carnivora genus ’twas easy to see,<br /> -Whose serrated tushes, tho’ frightful may be,<br /> -Could rip reputation, in style mighty free.<br /> -Its caudal appendage, reluctant to show,<br /> -Sharp-pointed, like workers’ in brimstone below,<br /> -Curves fiercely behind it, and, lashing the air<br /> -Shall sting itself writhing in final despair.<br /> -Me Hercle! what simile, metaphor true,<br /> -The vision can render that breaks on the view,<br /> -When upward we wander and meditate where<br /> -The glory of woman is crowned by her hair?<br /> -The muse is uncertain, but rather prefers<br /> -The quills of the hedgehog with some kind of burrs,<br /> -Whose clinging tenacity savors of what<br /> -When speaking of woman is never forgot;—<br /> -Which scatter a shower of deadliest darts<br /> -From arsenal copious of stingings and smarts,<br /> -O’er optics that twinkle with serpent-like arts.<br /> -So, coming at random, unblest by the bans,<br /> -’Twas fondled by Katies, and coddled by Fans,<br /> -And doctored according to recentest plans;<br /> -To embraces bony was savagely folded,<br /> -On bosoms of granite was badgered and scolded.<br /> -The grannies in order to properly breed it,<br /> -At outset like christians endeavored to feed it,<br /> -But vainly; for, scorning all patent-right fixtures,<br /> -Soft pap it rejected, and baby-milk mixtures.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>Away with your catnip, ye wrinkled viragos!<br /> -Your soothing concoctions, your sops and your sagos—<br /> -Give syrups of pepper, not weakly diluted,<br /> -And waters of Marah—they’re charmingly suited<br /> -Impulses to quicken, not easy computed.<br /> -For solids use thistles, and thorns, and rough brambles—<br /> -The fodder that asses collect in their rambles.<br /> -A cabbage to give it agreeable savor,<br /> -Is found in the meadows, of suitable flavor.<br /> -Thus forage and fluids, with caution selected,<br /> -’Tis like, in the temper, will ripen reflected.<br /> -One species of felines in manner befitting<br /> -Will show in the impulse for scratching and spitting.<br /> -Another polemic Grimalkin, I’ll venture,<br /> -Peculiar sensation will wake by its stench, or<br /> -There’s nothing in breeding, and feeding, and teaching,<br /> -As doctors in physics and ethics are preaching.<br /> -Such regimen followed, with strictest attention,<br /> -Will breed you more squabbles than scribblers can mention.<br /></p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>BOOK I.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c014'>THE SANHEDRIM.</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c004'> - <div>GATHERING OF THE CLANS. MOLLUSKS, SAURIANS, PACHYDERMS.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c018' /> -<div class='c015'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-w.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -Wherein is found a full and true relation<br /> -Of tribal gathering in convocation,<br /> -Designed and called by sundry faded beauties,<br /> -For reconstructing man’s revolted duties,<br /></p> -<p class='c016'>Of such discordant elements compounded,<br /> -It ended in “confusion worse confounded”—<br /> -A gossip’s ripping bee with rags to mend it,—<br /> -A sick’ning witches stew with hags to tend it,—<br /> -A love-feast gross—a sacrament absurd<br /> -Of painted demirep and gallows bird—<br /> -A woman’s carnival, a crazy fair—<br /> -A vast impromptu home-made dinner where<br /> -All projects wild and visionary schemings,<br /> -Licentious crudities and zealots dreamings<br /> -Unwashed were tumbled in—each other spoiling—<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span>One single, mighty cauldron, hot and boiling<br /> -Till smell of everything <i>but</i> sulphur rose,<br /> -And made creation gladly hold its nose.<br /> -As erst, on tall Olympus thundering Jove<br /> -Convened th’ assembly of the Gods above,<br /> -In solemn council, ripe for high debate<br /> -On mighty themes and grand affairs of state;<br /> -So now, when envious hate had placed her throne,—<br /> -When baseless jealousy was broadcast sown—<br /> -When discontent had poisoned all the land—<br /> -Ambition frenzied issued her command<br /> -And congregated, drawn from lands afar,<br /> -Women intent to wage the wordy war.<br /> -By common impulse summoned to the field,<br /> -(Fledglings, eager their sprouting arms to wield<br /> -In strife, for vain renown and empty fame,<br /> -At honor’s cost and woman’s holy name,)<br /> -They met to revolutionize the nation;<br /> -To topple down all bars ’twixt sex and station—<br /> -With reckless zeal and sacrilegious hand<br /> -To upheave the social systems of the land;<br /> -Forsooth, to cast their fancied Bastile down,<br /> -And win unbounded license for their crown.<br /> -Panting, in furious concourse gathered then<br /> -This rabble rout, in uproar shaming men.<br /> -Now might be seen, with faces brazen there,<br /> -Beauty in ev’ry style from brown to fair<br /> -Widows, with smiles and wiles in rare perfection,<br /> -Seeking a mart for second hand affection.<br /> -Old maids, whose charms tho’ wholly unprotected<br /> -Blind man to seize had cruelly neglected.<br /> -Unfortunate beings whom nature unkind<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>Had stinted in powers of body or mind.<br /> -Whom love had deluded or envy had sour’d,<br /> -In gloomy recesses now huddled and cowered,<br /> -Chewed cardamon fiercely and balefully glower’d;<br /> -For want of affinities sadly complaining,<br /> -Or bitterly mourning virginity waning.<br /> -But baffled and hampered by fate in their plan,<br /> -They sought their misfortune to visit on man.<br /> -The usual style—men glut themselves with evil<br /> -Till sickened, cloyed; then charge it to the devil,<br /> -And by perverted ethical provision<br /> -Transform the harlot to the prince precision,<br /> -Whose zealous dupes with saintly honors load her<br /> -Dying in unction of a holy odor.<br /> -Some few there were who, still for husbands angling<br /> -Affect the opposite of rant and wrangling,<br /> -Soft, sentimental bread-and-butter misses,<br /> -Purring like kittens, and open to kisses.<br /> -Bewildered by philanthrophy perverted,<br /> -Of them naught good or bad could be asserted.<br /> -Their souls, pervaded by some sleepy vapor,<br /> -Emit a sickly light like penny taper.<br /> -They curts’y, loll, and bend with sighs and fawning,<br /> -With simp’ring smile their faces faintly dawning,<br /> -And would, indeed they would (unheard of kindness!)<br /> -Rejoice if man were healed of mental blindness.<br /> -It pains their gentle souls ethereal,<br /> -To view such waste of good material.<br /> -If men would only see just how the case is<br /> -And humbly sink to their intended places,—<br /> -Ah me! such stout convenient nasty creatures!<br /> -Such splendid foils to woman’s lovely features!<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>They’d be so useful in the she-millenium<br /> -As butments for the grand proscenium!<br /> -Doubtless such putty products sleek and glossy<br /> -Some purpose serve, <i>in esse</i> or, <i>in posse</i>,<br /> -Tho’ heaven knows one scarcely can believe it;<br /> -Perhaps, as floating log, when sailors heave it,<br /> -Declares their speed by rate at which they leave it,<br /> -And so assists the nautical profession,<br /> -These bubbles show society’s progression<br /> -And earth the better is for their possession.<br /> -Among the other wonders of creation<br /> -Who sped in haste “from earth’s remotest nation”<br /> -To magnify this great conglomeration,<br /> -And darted icy jets from jetty eyes<br /> -On all who dared oppose this high emprise,<br /> -There came a certain pair, free lovers higho,<br /> -Whose souls bemoaned their sex’s helpless plight,<br /> -And sauntered, arm in arm, that crowd among,<br /> -They usually were loud enough of tongue;<br /> -But, having bolted dinner in advance,<br /> -Confessed themselves, “two fools for utterance.”<br /> -Twin sisters, they were called in gay pretense—<br /> -Sin twisters rightly, in a moral sense.<br /> -Bold-eyed, they strode uneasy to and fro,<br /> -Like tigers caged to complement the show<br /> -Intensely lib’ral in their private action<br /> -They scoff at mere conventional compaction;<br /> -And, even edicts from the eternal throne,<br /> -As far as promulgation makes them known,<br /> -If framed to fetter spinster, wife, or “widder”<br /> -But empty ceremonial consider.<br /> -They hold themselves at liberty to cater<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>To healthy promptings of their carnal “natur;”<br /> -For this, they tell us, is a right attendant<br /> -On our condition free and independent.<br /> -Since God to rule our bodies has commanded,<br /> -We’re bound to do it fair and even-handed,<br /> -To ev’ry function deal impartial measure<br /> -Of duty, worship, labor, and of pleasure.<br /> -So, skillfully, they argue; whether truly,<br /> -I own I’m unprepared to answer duly:<br /> -For I’m not learn’d in law Levitical<br /> -Nor skilled in “<i>schemas</i>” Jesuitical.<br /> -We’ll therefore give a simple explanation,<br /> -A truthful mathematic demonstration,<br /> -Of fancy, fact, or whimsical delusion<br /> -Toss’d on the surface of this wild confusion;<br /> -Hoping the next or other generation<br /> -Will yield a bard of heavn’ly ordination<br /> -Who, skill’d in ethical analysis<br /> -May classify this rare catalysis:<br /> -Who gifted with discriminative art<br /> -Shall better know the tasteful pruner’s part.<br /> -Him all the world with rapt’rous recognition<br /> -Shall usher to his hardly-earned position,<br /> -And cry “What have we here?” a poet new,<br /> -Whom nature self hath sealed a poet true!<br /> -With presence prompt to grace the grand occasion<br /> -In force were seen the priests of that persuasion,<br /> -Which runs the mail across the mystic border,<br /> -And manufactures miracles to order.<br /> -Nor think it strange such birds should flock together;<br /> -For being clearly of a common feather,<br /> -They find, tho’ not in visible connection,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>Their points objective in the same direction.<br /> -“<i>Id est</i>,” while differing in the main design<br /> -They operate a “non-competing line.”<br /> -These winnow wisdom from a world of chaff<br /> -The others suck it through a telegraph.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Of rhymster’s and scribblers some dozens were there,<br /> -With intellects sadly in want of repair;<br /> -Quite shrewdly divining their chances must be<br /> -The fairest, where patching and darning were free;<br /> -Reporters, whose need of sensations compelled them,<br /> -Like rag-men, to dig in the gutters that held them;<br /> -Sleek prelates, whom zeal for religion assisted<br /> -To garble good logic, ’till, crooked and twisted,<br /> -It argued that measures, tho’ wicked and hateful,<br /> -If righteous in purpose, are healthy and grateful.<br /> -So, deeming that suffrage and other such folly<br /> -Might possibly benefit mother church holy;<br /> -Nor seeing what future could ever prevent it<br /> -From popular proving, their countenance lent it.<br /> -And lawyers, whom oldest of records declare<br /> -Distinguished for scenting the carcass afar,<br /> -Came hotly careering and snuffing the air.<br /> -The meeting included political hacks,<br /> -Who carry the nation about on their backs,<br /> -Nor wanted the proper admixture of quacks,<br /> -Clairvoyants, and witches, magnetic magicians,<br /> -And humbugs notorious, all sorts and conditions—<br /> -The lightest of chaff, tossed loosely together<br /> -By turn of a chance, or freak of the weather.<br /> -Like Quixotes exploiting with banner unfurled<br /> -And license unbridled the shame of the world.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>BOOK II.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c014'>AUDITORIUM.</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c004'> - <div>THE GRAND PALAVER. IGNEOUS FORMATION—VOLCANOES AND EARTHQUAKES.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c018' /> -<div class='c015'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-w.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -WITH passengers and boxes all aboard,<br /> -With pitch abounding and with brimstone stored,<br /> -With each convenience science can afford,<br /> -With hellish flames beneath that hissed and roared,<br /></p> -<p class='c016'>A fearful dubitation rose, ’twould seem,<br /> -What kind of cock would best let on the steam;<br /> -Whether to open by singing or prayer,<br /> -Or bang a gong, as most appropriate there,<br /> -To start, with happy auspices, the train;<br /> -Then let her run, till gudgeons hum again,<br /> -’Twas argued in a satisfact’ry way,<br /> -By sapient functionary old and gray,<br /> -Some kind of canticle must first be sung,<br /> -To limber up the hinges of the tongue,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>That, loose in joint, the sisters might go in<br /> -And glory in this Grand Palaver win.<br /> -Proclamation for singists to volunteer<br /> -Brought forth beldames wrinkled, rheumy, and blear,<br /> -Gathered from some Sahara bleak and drear,<br /> -While here and there, a flower sandwiched between,<br /> -From some belated garden, might be seen.<br /> -Giving this Pandemonium a choir,<br /> -Which howled and screeched with a demoniac fire.<br /> -From throats with agonizing spasms wrung,<br /> -The notes in spiteful jerks and spurts were flung;<br /> -And this the maniacal hymn they sung.<br /></p> -<div class='lg-container-b c019'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in6'>“We gather, we rally</div> - <div class='line in6'>From mountain and valley—</div> - <div class='line in4'>Our banner is flung on the breeze:</div> - <div class='line in4'>The bonds that have bound us we sever!</div> - <div class='line in6'>Shall tyranny humble us ever?</div> - <div class='line in8'>No never! no never!</div> - <div class='line in6'>Not any, by sev’ral degrees—</div> - <div class='line in4'>For man may come, and man may go</div> - <div class='line in6'>But we rush on forever.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in6'>Shout, liberty! Shout long!</div> - <div class='line in6'>Go in for freedom strong!</div> - <div class='line in6'>When woman arises</div> - <div class='line in6'>She scorns all disguises—</div> - <div class='line in4'>Then tell to the nations that wonder</div> - <div class='line in4'>Religion’s a crime and a blunder;</div> - <div class='line in6'>We brand it a fable</div> - <div class='line in6'>And soon as we’re able</div> - <div class='line in4'>Its trammels we’ll scatter to thunder.</div> - <div class='line in6'>’Tis woman shall shiver</div> - <div class='line in6'>Its artifice clever,</div> - <div class='line in4'><span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>For man may come and man may go</div> - <div class='line in6'>But we rush on forever.</div> - </div> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line in6'>Then hip, hurrah!</div> - <div class='line in6'>Sing fal, la, la!</div> - <div class='line in4'>The glorious day is breaking,</div> - <div class='line in6'>When love is free</div> - <div class='line in6'>To you and me—</div> - <div class='line in4'>You have it for the taking.</div> - <div class='line in6'>So don the breeches,</div> - <div class='line in6'>And leap like witches,</div> - <div class='line in4'>The very ground beneath us shaking;</div> - <div class='line in6'>Let impulse draw</div> - <div class='line in6'>By higher law</div> - <div class='line in6'>And we’ll obey it ever</div> - <div class='line in4'>For man may come, and man may go</div> - <div class='line in6'>But we rush on forever.”</div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<p class='c020'>This song with mad applause and frenzied cheer<br /> -The crowd received—from which it doth appear,<br /> -“Music hath charms to tickle savage ear”<br /> -Like storms terrestial, this infernal blow<br /> -Died out, and business had some little show.<br /> -Above the motley multitude presiding<br /> -To give the necessary rule and guiding,<br /> -An elephantine beauty coarse and hard,<br /> -Of bust colossal, bearded like a bard,<br /> -On democratic tripod throned in state,<br /> -With visage wisely stolid, stiffly sate.<br /> -She first essayed t’evoke, like Homer’s God,<br /> -Order from chaos, by traditional nod.<br /> -Through some mishap the mighty effort failing<br /> -She rose and ’gan the stated song retailing.<br /> -Sternly she waved her pasteboard truncheon high,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>While frowns the lack of queenly pow’r supply.<br /> -Quite <i>heavy</i> was her plaint, beyond compare,<br /> -And rendered with a true teutonic air.<br /> -“Hail sisters! brothers hail! (if such there be<br /> -From pride of sex and vulgar passion free.)<br /> -This day when woman first begins to live,<br /> -A welcome warm to all her friends I give—<br /> -This day, in maidhood’s pure unsullied name<br /> -True freedom and equality proclaim.<br /> -Here, even here, upon this dirty plank,<br /> -With democratic juices foul and rank,<br /> -Resurgent truth shall stand with new-born pow’r,<br /> -And justice date from hence her natal hour.<br /> -The place of birth, so far as I can see,<br /> -Gives no complexion to the progeny.<br /> -I therefore deem these walls, secure from danger,<br /> -As fit for lying-in as any manger.<br /> -(Don’t pun the term, nor term it pun—receive it<br /> -Accordant with the emphasis I give it.)<br /> -Eventful day! destined, if truth succeed,<br /> -To be emancipation day indeed!<br /> -My soul prophetic glows with inward fire!—<br /> -My thoughts to loftier, heav’nlier flights aspire!<br /> -I see futurity’s productive womb<br /> -Impregnant with our bestial masters’ doom.<br /> -With head exalted, upward turning eyes,<br /> -Waiting to mount the zenith of the skies,<br /> -I see the coming woman where she stands,<br /> -On reason’s height, with free unfettered hands<br /> -To dark forgetfulness cast all her bands!<br /> -Her dress abbreviate, to suit the times,<br /> -Displays the fair proportions of her limbs;<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>While, poised like Ellsler on one dainty toe<br /> -She points the other at the crowd below:<br /> -Thus showing at one end the bent to soar,<br /> -At ’t’other, proper scorn for man, and more.<br /> -Since strong desire, ’tis said, hath power still<br /> -To work its own fulfillment, through the will,<br /> -We soon shall see the sprouting of her wings<br /> -And rare development of other things.<br /> -Tremble tyrants! no more shall slavish chain<br /> -Of sexual love our faculties restrain.<br /> -Woman no more shall live like gilded toy,<br /> -Your daily solace or your midnight joy.<br /> -Each weak, effem’nate grace henceforth we scorn,<br /> -And will no more of softer mould be born.<br /> -No more will cling like ivy to the oak,<br /> -(That horrible tho’ venerated joke,)<br /> -No more will coo round man, like petted dove,<br /> -To win the sweet amenities of love.—<br /> -Nor pay in woman’s anguish and despair<br /> -The costly tribute to his fost’ring care.<br /> -We’ll grind the curse beneath our conqu’ring heel<br /> -And heav’n itself besiege for its repeal.<br /> -Let all the list’ning earth attend the hour<br /> -When man shall abdicate the throne of pow’r;<br /> -When woman shall assume supreme command,<br /> -The sceptre of dominion in her hand.<br /> -Delicate are we, forsooth! and so weak<br /> -Our feebleness must man’s protection seek!<br /> -Fine phrases! Jugglers tricks! the gilded pill<br /> -Wherewith man chloroforms us to his will.<br /> -Look here! Behold my muscle, and then<br /> -Decide if women need be slaves to men.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>I say ye’re victims to your childish fears<br /> -And foolish impulse. Lo, these forty years<br /> -I’ve trod the earth the vestal that you see<br /> -“In maiden meditation fancy free,”<br /> -And never one assailed my vig’rous charms<br /> -Or dared adventure in their lusty arms.<br /> -If wine ye drink and patronize good cheer<br /> -Ye may aspire to such as I appear,<br /> -Eat, drink, and act like man, and manly grace<br /> -And strength will baby softness soon displace.<br /> -And then, in fullness of parturient time,<br /> -In some more favored land, some happier clime,<br /> -Ah! then, emancipated, disenthralled,<br /> -The weaker sex no longer basely called,<br /> -Ships we’ll build, delve in mines; with sturdy blow,<br /> -Will lay the “monarch of the forest” low:<br /> -Quarry huge rocks, exalt the lofty tow’r,<br /> -The ocean ride and breast the whirlwind’s pow’r—<br /> -The pond’rous train, its head ablaze with light,<br /> -We’ll drive, like arrow, shooting through the night—<br /> -Tame the wild horse, and charm the tiger’s rage—<br /> -With deeds of valor brighten hist’ry’s page,<br /> -And triumph o’er the world! So woman’s honor,<br /> -Like robe of comfort loose shall hang upon her,<br /> -To doff or don, convenient disguise:<br /> -So all the world shall stare with wond’ring eyes,<br /> -All trifles note, with imbecile surprise;<br /> -Just how she wipes her nose, how wears her stocking,<br /> -And barely smile when she does something shocking.<br /> -Such meed hath earthly fame. But I forbear.<br /> -These thema are not for me. Be mine the care<br /> -To guide your counsels well. It follows next,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>That resolutions—something for a text—<br /> -Some “thema” which you may at will discourse on,—<br /> -A kind of banneret to centre force on—<br /> -Are now in order.”</p> - -<p class='c016'><span style="padding-left: 6em;">Thus,</span> her task completed,<br /> -The burly dignitary straight was seated.<br /> -And while her speech excited some sensation<br /> -Her ending fairly shook the whole foundation.</p> - -<p class='c016'>On heated brains, with scattered thought distracted,<br /> -The unexpected proposition acted<br /> -Like acid into alkali decanted,<br /> -Hubbub rousing: Sisters fluttered, paled, panted,<br /> -Chattered and squeak’d, in one tremendous frothing,<br /> -Yet bound to go the swine complete or nothing.<br /> -All, crazed by new responsibility<br /> -Skipped to and fro with rare agility,<br /> -But nought produced of much utility.<br /> -At length, while now the “pop,” not timely tasted,<br /> -To stale unpalatable mixture wasted,<br /> -In misty distance looming blue and vastly,<br /> -Thrust forth her awful visage grim and ghastly,<br /> -That spinster prim, Apochryphalia Playgood:<br /> -A tall, angular and imperious jade,<br /> -Who still, tho’ not in fame what all would say good,<br /> -By lucky chance retained the name of maid,<br /> -Despite what envious gossips sneering said,<br /> -And deemed herself a heav’n appointed agent,<br /> -Like bold Joan, to head the gorgeous pageant.<br /> -As murky cloud o’er morning’s rosy blush,<br /> -Her presence bred a melancholy hush.<br /> -She, in her haste to meet the chair’s suggestion,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>At first designed to move the previous question;<br /> -For reasons twain and good—it first occurred,<br /> -And was a potent something, she had heard,<br /> -Much lauded in the halls of legislation<br /> -For forcing things to speedy termination.<br /> -But when one, wiser in her generation,<br /> -Opined the monster like to cut debate off,<br /> -She vowed she’d “go her death agin it” straight off.<br /> -A vetran oft ’gainst “death or victory” pitted,<br /> -She countermarched, to common sense remitted<br /> -By this snubbing; then from her spacious pocket<br /> -Dug up the following immortal docket:<br /> -The which, with “hems” by readers always needed<br /> -Forwith, to read, she simp’ringly proceeded.</p> -<p class='c021'> PREAMBLE.</p> -<p class='c016'>Whereas, a wise mysterious providence<br /> -Has summoned us to arms in self-defense—<br /> -Has brought us through “perils, flood, and field,”<br /> -(In this his wisdom specially revealed)—<br /> -Through desert places with few to carry us,<br /> -Or guard our virtue, and none to marry us—<br /> -Whereas, from man with much upon his hands,<br /> -With care of railroads, horses, houses, lands,<br /> -With love of smoke and countless fetterments<br /> -For us the hope is small of betterments—<br /> -Whereas, again, it greatly doth behoove us<br /> -To be a-doing lest the Lord removes us<br /> -Unprofitable servants from the land<br /> -And use less brazen sticks upon his stand,<br /> -Or lamps with oil of grace more apropos,<br /> -T’ illuminate his earthly temple, so</p> -<p class='c021'> <span class='sc'>Resolved, first.</span></p> -<p class='c016'>That revelation, history and song<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>Have ever done to women grievous wrong,<br /> -Regarding her a weaker vessel made<br /> -For coarser man to love, protect, and aid,<br /> -While truly, if the case were justly tried,<br /> -Each faculty that fosters manly pride,<br /> -She owns in full, and mother-wit beside;<br /> -Whereby we know that cunning women can<br /> -Eclipse the dull experience of man;<br /> -And, tho’ to work is not her special mission,<br /> -She lifts great loads “by woman’s intuition”<br /> -Therefore, in order that the race may thrive<br /> -The man should hold the plow and woman drive.</p> -<p class='c021'> <span class='sc'>Second.</span></p> -<p class='c016'>This meeting gives approval hearty to<br /> -Victoria’s proposition bold and new,<br /> -To bore a hole right down to old Cathay,<br /> -Through which, while twilight-beams still ling’ring play,<br /> -The parting sun may dart his upward ray<br /> -And banish night—so shall bold woman’s sway<br /> -Prove harlinges of an eternal day.</p> -<p class='c021'> <span class='sc'>Third.</span></p> -<p class='c016'>The Maker in his several creations<br /> -Took coarse material to build foundations,<br /> -But rose by imperceptible gradations<br /> -To gases in the highest elevations.<br /> -The lesson taught is plain. ’Tis easy seeing<br /> -That man’s a coarse disreputable being,<br /> -While woman rounded into grace imperial,<br /> -Was doubtless made of gaseous material.<br /> -It follows hence he’s only fit to mate her<br /> -As under mates the upper crust in “natur.”</p> -<p class='c021'><span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span> <span class='sc'>Fourth.</span></p> -<p class='c016'>And last: Resolved, in solemn conclave met,<br /> -Although we ne’er can liquidate the debt<br /> -We owe to holy mother Bantam’s name,<br /> -Hereby we publicly renew the same.<br /> -This paying debts we clearly understand<br /> -Shows want of confidence on either hand.<br /> -We therefore pledge the whole of women kind<br /> -To pay no debts of whatsoever kind.</p> - -<p class='c016'>In lieu thereof we vote her now a niche,<br /> -And canonize her as a blessed witch,<br /> -(The only kind of Cannonizing we<br /> -Consider worthy of our bravery)<br /> -Whose manly inde—— no we scorn the phrase,—<br /> -Whose brazen firmness courts the public gaze—<br /> -Whose noble disregard of social rules—<br /> -Those spider-webs designed to fetter fools—<br /> -All plainly indicate her as the she<br /> -Exponent fit of woman’s destiny.<br /> -Her views of individual repose,<br /> -Must needs ameliorate the bridal woes;<br /> -’Twill further much convenience, rest, and pleasure,<br /> -And is withal a sanitary measure.<br /> -At least such doctrines logically tend<br /> -To bring <i>our revolution</i> to an end.<br /> -Her free abandonment of orbit high,<br /> -Where once she shone the glory of her sky<br /> -Make her in human reason’s eye appear<br /> -A fallen star—the evening one ’tis clear—<br /> -The morning star, ’tis known, shot from his sphere<br /> -Just at creation’s dawn; from which ’twould seem,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>The night draws on whereof our poets dream.<br /> -But <i>we</i> behold in these events design<br /> -Which shows fulfillment of a plan divine.<br /> -Redemption is a scheme, as we believe,<br /> -Made possible by <i>fall</i> of luckless Eve.<br /> -Like problematic benefit <i>may</i> spring<br /> -From sister Bantam’s modern tumbling.<br /> -With one united voice we ever will<br /> -Exalt her as a spiritual virgin still.<br /> -Her busted form perpetual shall stand<br /> -By desolated hearthstones through the land.<br /> -In sulphurous flames her utterings shall glow<br /> -Bright in the midst of ev’ry household wo.<br /> -<br /> -Now, Madame President, with your permission,<br /> -One word, to fortify the strong position<br /> -In these four resolutions taken. Before,<br /> -However, I proceed to offer more,<br /> -One thing I wish to have you understand,<br /> -My own, as yet, is at my own command.<br /> -Thank God, I’m not like silly married noodles<br /> -Reduced to suckle twins and drink in puddles;<br /> -Not firmly bounden body, soul and breeches<br /> -To toil and slave like Irishmen in ditches,<br /> -For man’s convenience or emolument,<br /> -While he, in Congress or in Parliament,<br /> -Sits cool like lion in his lordly den,<br /> -Jeering at woman with his fellow men.<br /> -Vipers! wretches! Of earth the filth and scum!<br /> -Would heav’n, in wrath, might strike the monsters dumb—<br /> -That heaviest curse that can on mortals come—<br /> -Had I ordained the building of this planet,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>Or been consulted ere the Lord began it,<br /> -The universe one station would have seen<br /> -Of man and man’s belongings bare and clean;<br /> -One place where free’d from plagues to craze and pester,<br /> -Woman might dwell with nothing to molest her.<br /> -Where hairy lips should never scratch our noses,<br /> -Or kisses paint our damask cheeks like roses—<br /> -With pepper cheap and vinegar at will,<br /> -With <i>none</i> to order woman to be still,<br /> -With muddy boots and curling smoke no more<br /> -To spoil the curtains or bedaub the floor,<br /> -With flies and filth and hourly sweeping banished,<br /> -And e’en the ground of crystal, smooth and planished—<br /> -No living thing, save woman, clean and clever,<br /> -To sit alone forever and forever—<br /> -With absolutely naught to curb or fetter<br /> -Can mortal maid expect or ask for better.</p> - -<p class='c016'>But ah! when once the fates such offers spurn<br /> -The golden moment never can return!<br /> -Such sad mistake no effort can repair!<br /> -There’s no reprieve! we’re doomed to grin and bear!<br /> -At least, while selfish men control and own us,<br /> -They can’t obtain my plan without a bonus.<br /> -The sole resort is, by concerted movement,<br /> -To force adoption of that grand improvement,<br /> -Before this honorable body stated,<br /> -In sev’ral resolutions just related.<br /> -Dear Sisters! Do you rightly comprehend<br /> -Of cruel man the purpose, aim, and end?<br /> -Have you observed how from the first beginning,<br /> -He schemed to catch unhappy women sinning?<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>That, while confused and blind with fright and wonder<br /> -He might the more completely them under?<br /> -And ever since contrives to lord it o’er ’em<br /> -By holding up that “<i>lapsus in torrorum</i>”<br /> -With full intent I solemnly believe<br /> -To terminate our sex at mother Eve;<br /> -And equally perpetuate his own<br /> -By forcing us to carry boys alone?<br /> -Whether ’twas accident or nice design<br /> -That ultimately saved the female line<br /> -And keeps it, holy records fail to show.<br /> -Perhaps, one of the “lost arts”—this I know;—<br /> -Such confidence have I in female cunning,—<br /> -If woman willed to keep the girls-a-running<br /> -And stupid man refused his aid about it,<br /> -She’d find some easy way to do without it.<br /> -Retaliation is a law of “natur,”<br /> -Which was decreed by the benign Creator,<br /> -Or stated by some holy commentator,<br /> -And must be right. I therefore recommend<br /> -Such measures be adopted as shall end<br /> -In making man, the author of our woes,<br /> -A “<i>lusus naturae</i>,” the pride of shows.<br /> -No more let children male encumber earth<br /> -But strangle at, or just before their birth.</p> - -<p class='c016'>In resolution one, you may perceive<br /> -What mighty amphitheatre we leave<br /> -To woman open; where complete success<br /> -Is guerdon sure to cunning and finesse.<br /> -Lest some its secret sense may fail to gain<br /> -Permit your humble servant to explain,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>Nor deem the “<i>modus operandi</i>” vain.</p> - -<p class='c016'>A tale, for illustration good and fit,<br /> -Is somewhere told; I think, in holy writ.<br /> -A righteous man whose name in scripture rings<br /> -As king of concubines and other things,<br /> -A mighty temple builded, rich and costly,<br /> -With ornaments of gold and silver mostly.<br /> -To that Jehovah whom his race adored<br /> -The house was deeded, hoping ’twould afford<br /> -Free grazing in the pastures of the Lord,<br /> -The transit smooth o’er Jordan’s stormy billows,<br /> -And pardon gain for sundry peccadilloes.<br /> -For seven years, reported dry and dusty,<br /> -Thousands of men, with sinews strong and lusty,<br /> -Labored like beasts at timber, stone, and plaster<br /> -To rear its column, wall, and huge pilaster.<br /> -Yet tho’ no stick, or stone, or bolt, or rivet,<br /> -Did Solomon’s own labor give it,<br /> -(Or, if he did, no writer ever said it)<br /> -He cunningly contrived to gain the credit,<br /> -Of its erection. Thus, to work by proxy<br /> -Seems sanctioned by the highest orthodoxy.<br /> -And is procedure, if come-at-able,<br /> -With woman’s nature quite compatible;<br /> -Thereby, from labor we may gain exemption<br /> -And so inaugurate our great redemption,<br /> -When woman to her proper “sphere” promoted,<br /> -On husbands shoulders shall be raised and toted.<br /> -I hate this silly rant on “woman’s sphere!”<br /> -’Tis simply nauseous to lib’ral ear,<br /> -The very word’s disgustingly offensive<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>Suggesting bounds to woman’s plans extensive;<br /> -Implying still, whatever one’s pursuit is,<br /> -Existence wasted in a <i>round</i> of duties.<br /> -An Irish bull—a term chimerical!<br /> -She has no sphere—she’s hemispherical!</p> - -<p class='c016'>’Twere vain to iterate in word specific<br /> -The long complaint not gentle nor pacific<br /> -Of which the vixen’s fancy proved prolific.<br /> -For similes affecting or destructive<br /> -And wild hyperboles of scorn productive,<br /> -She gleaned the country o’er from snowy Maine<br /> -To verdant Alabama’s flow’ry plain:<br /> -Ransacked antiquity’s moth-eaten store,<br /> -And drained the fount of legendary lore<br /> -For intermittent precedents to prove<br /> -The inutility of human love.<br /> -She spawn’d forth words with vast facility<br /> -And talked with ceasely volubility,<br /> -Guiltless of reason or civility;<br /> -Affording thus a patent wool-dyed sample<br /> -Of teaching both by precept and example.<br /> -And yet this brawling of such heady creatures<br /> -Is not without some few redeeming features:<br /> -For, tho’ the utt’rance is a public curse<br /> -Suppression might induce condition worse.<br /> -Surplus vitality demanding vent<br /> -In rampant caracoling thus is spent;<br /> -And so perchance avoids a sad explosion,<br /> -By action too prevents as bad corrosion;<br /> -Since woman, made of matter much refined,<br /> -Is keen finesse and subtlety combined,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>And greatly prone, as seen in state primeval,<br /> -To pioneer in taste of good and evil.<br /> -In proof consult what ev’ryone supposes<br /> -A veritable tale by holy Moses.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Now when this patient had been well delivered,<br /> -While yet the panting bosom thrill’d and quiver’d,<br /> -At once there rose greetings loud and long,<br /> -Commingled bass and treble, from that throng.<br /> -Then might you see advancing on that stage<br /> -A tott’ring form becrowned with snow of age,<br /> -On whom the thoughtful gazed with bated breath,<br /> -As one might gaze on wrinkled bride of death:<br /> -For, hoary hairs, colleagued with folly,<br /> -Must ever wake emotions melancholy.</p> - -<p class='c016'>But ah! when aged women takes to soaring,<br /> -And, motherhood forgetting, and ignoring<br /> -“The divinity that doth hedge” her round,<br /> -In strange and unbecoming walks is found,<br /> -Deserting sacred joys of hearth and home,<br /> -Delighting in forbidden paths to roam.<br /> -A gloom o’erhangs the soul, like fun’ral pall.<br /> -Still, not such horror fell on all<br /> -For, certes, loud and lengthened was the call<br /> -When saintly mother Katy Bantam rose<br /> -With “healing on her tongue,” corns on her toes,<br /> -And upward rubbed her venerable nose:<br /> -Then solemnly her spectacles adjusted<br /> -As if the nation had that moment “busted”.<br /> -A harmless old gray hen who took to crowing<br /> -With ne’er a comb or caudal feather showing,<br /> -Her spouse attained distinction in the nation<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>Expelling foxes from all public station,<br /> -When cheek by jowl he rode with freest rider<br /> -The rallying cry “log cabin and hard cider;”<br /> -(That reckless charge and wild triumphant yell<br /> -The sage of Lindenwald remembered well)<br /> -And after, much affected gallopading<br /> -On abolition hobby, “nigger-raiding;”<br /> -Which happening the crowd to please,<br /> -Made “hobbying” a family disease.<br /> -His dame for notoriety then itching<br /> -Was worried from propriety and stitching,<br /> -And, goaded by the mad’ning titilation,<br /> -Mistook the itch for heav’nly inspiration:<br /> -And, being crazed, despite advancing age<br /> -Began her missionary pilgrimage.<br /> -She vow’d a vow, if folks would only ask her<br /> -She’d travel post from Maine to Madagascar<br /> -To make a single speech: Hence, small persuasion<br /> -Procured her services on this occasion.</p> - -<p class='c016'>So when adorers all had screamed and shouted<br /> -She op’d her mouth and feebly spouted<br /> -Chaotic mumblings of senility,<br /> -Sad proofs of nacent imbecility.<br /> -It seemed she trusted thoughts would wax and strengthen<br /> -Unlike our forms, while ages grow and lengthen:<br /> -Or deemed a speech a kind of rubber fixture—<br /> -Perchance a marv’lous hom’opathic mixture,<br /> -Whose pow’r, ’tis boasted by the science makers,<br /> -Increases, spread o’er fifty thousand acres.<br /> -She dismal talked of terrible “upheaving”<br /> -Of systems and peoples, quite past believing.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>“Upheaved” the church, “upheaved” the contract civil;<br /> -“Upheaved” poor man, but couldn’t eject the devil.<br /> -She catch-words droned—“oppressed,” “enslaved,” “humbled”<br /> -“Downtrodden,” sound and sense together jumbled:<br /> -As if, late motherhood developing<br /> -She soothed declining years enveloping<br /> -The public doll in shreds and filaments<br /> -Of Ethiop’s cast-off habiliments;<br /> -Or, if she’d stipulated in a barg’n<br /> -To fulminate a giv’n amount of jarg’n,<br /> -And muttered tales designed for terse and witty<br /> -Which ’stead of mirth excited only pity.<br /> -A legend ster’otyped she droned and drivelled<br /> -Of Brobdingnagian beldame lean and shrivelled<br /> -Who urged by passion wild, by love enraptured,<br /> -A Liliputian bridegroom sought and captured.<br /> -The groomsman too, it seems, was small and puny;<br /> -Likewise the priest quite “little for the money”<br /> -Which granny good esteemed so queer and funny<br /> -It must induce a general conviction,<br /> -Unto the tall belongeth jurisdiction.<br /> -This really seemed, amid the wild confusion<br /> -Of sense, the only possible conclusion.<br /> -No other ornament adorned her tale—<br /> -To find a moral, even priests must fail.<br /> -Abundance more, as previously requested<br /> -The good dame spoke—no doubt her “level-best” did,—<br /> -Then from her painful labor ceased and rested.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Of all this mighty concourse, hither borne<br /> -By various mood, just one came here to mourn.<br /> -A bachelor, in attitude forlorn,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>Who sadly grieved that ever he was born,<br /> -With features smileless, haggard, grim, and pale,<br /> -Sat roosting on the semicircle’s rail<br /> -Which there enclosed the sacred altar in;<br /> -His elbow on his knee, on hand his chin.<br /> -When now there came a lulling in the roar<br /> -And none at present occupied the floor<br /> -He madly leaped to gain the speaker’s station,<br /> -In labor groaning with a young oration,<br /> -And wildly screamed this famous declamation.</p> -<p class='c022'> “O woman, woman; foully fair,<br /> - Thou source of bliss and yet despair—<br /> - Thou pride of heav’n thou curse of hell,<br /> - Thou greatest woe on earth that fell<br /> - When mad Pandora op’d her box<br /> - And horrors issued forth in flocks—<br /> - Thou richest gift vouchsafed to man<br /> - When heav’n look’d down his wants to scan,—<br /> - Thou type of goodness, beauty, worth—<br /> - The tie that links our hearts to earth<br /> - With silken cords we scarcely feel<br /> - Yet strong as pond’rous bars of steel—<br /> - Thou ray of glory from on high,<br /> - Thou charmer, cheater, rib awry,<br /> - How oft for you I’ve madly cried!<br /> - How oft become a tempocide!<br /> - How often suffered, bled, and died!<br /> - Deceiver vile, yet fount of truth,<br /> - A Dian pure, a harlot Ruth,<br /> - O, why wast thou to mortals given?<br /> - To tempt to hell—to lure to heav’n!”</p> -<p class='c016'>In agony he writhed at its conclusion,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>And swoon’d amid the general confusion.</p> - -<p class='c016'>While red with flame the oven still was heated<br /> -Like hapless Daniel’s seven times repeated,<br /> -And self-elected cooks were fairly aching<br /> -To have a finger in this public baking,<br /> -Some sharp director of the frothy brewing,<br /> -Intent on shrewdest ways and means pursuing,<br /> -Espied a form whose locks, uncombed and matted,<br /> -Betokened hasty rising,—or belated,—<br /> -Involving toilet scanty and neglected:<br /> -Or, more belike, he cunningly affected<br /> -Some studied roughness in the coat and trouser,<br /> -To give “eclat” as leading “rabble rouser.”<br /> -Tho’ mingled with peculiarities<br /> -His mind a storehouse was of rarities,<br /> -Wherein dame nature wrought in broadest plan,<br /> -The full unstinted measure of a man.<br /> -Exuberant fancy pruned to limits fit<br /> -A yield profuse returned of golden wit;<br /> -While wisdom, logic, sense, and virtue rung<br /> -With eloquence spontaneous on his tongue.<br /> -One, briefly, who the happy art possessed<br /> -To <i>do</i> the thing another just professed.<br /> -Him they beset, with gen’ral acclamation,<br /> -To “throw himself” for their regeneration.<br /> -The time was trying, critical th’ occasion:<br /> -But finally he yielded to persuasion,<br /> -Tumbled his mane accordant with his custom,<br /> -And, while he wished their vanity would bust ’em,<br /> -Talked gingerly as dubious to trust ’em.<br /> -His speech, tho’ tough enough, and smooth and limber,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>Had not that sturdy, manly, ringing “timbre,”<br /> -Which <i>carpenters of old</i> from stock selected,<br /> -When <i>massive</i> structures were to be erected.<br /> -He seemed gallant, who, minded to be civil,<br /> -Reduced himself to childish woman’s level;<br /> -And, so regarding their capacity,<br /> -Talked little sense with much vivacity.<br /> -As jugglers, when their trade they ply,<br /> -Of tinsel make display, to catch the eye,<br /> -And thus have “scope and verge” to cut their capers,<br /> -Beneath the very nose of stupid gapers.<br /> -He whiles like angry lion growled and grumbled,<br /> -While mutterings like distant thunder rumbled.<br /> -Anon, wit’s scintillations dazzled all,<br /> -Like sunlight sparkling on a waterfall.<br /> -With small regard for aught, for nothing stopping,<br /> -Rising he thus broke out like champagne popping.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Sing Io Bacche! Io Susan sing!<br /> -Shout hallelujah! let the welkin ring!<br /> -Let all the male creation bound and free<br /> -Hosannas raise in woman’s jubilee!<br /> -The mighty tide is rolling, waves are dashing,<br /> -Oppressors tremble, kingly thrones are smashing;<br /> -Triumphant woman’s chariot wheels are flashing,<br /> -And bigot’s bones like brittle glass are crashing<br /> -Beneath the blows of woman’s sabre slashing.<br /> -Great is Diana! marvellous her plan!<br /> -For her I feel as never yet for man.<br /> -I could for her my energies exhaust<br /> -And deem my ends attained at trifling cost.<br /> -The breeches fit us all ’tis plain to see:<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span>God bless the girls, they’re just the boys for me!<br /> -* * * * * * * * * *<br /> -Should you decide in view of my devotion,<br /> -To use your quasi votes for my promotion,<br /> -Depend, such action promised and concluded<br /> -Would prove the wisest thing that ever you did:<br /> -For, “entre nous,” ’tis thought, my charming sisters,<br /> -Although you’re known of old as great persisters,<br /> -And, doubtless, versatile enough and tricky,<br /> -For easy roads—yet when the mud is sticky,<br /> -The wheeling rough, or up a heavy grade—<br /> -Perchance a weighty burden on you laid,<br /> -To carry which your backs were never made,<br /> -Coarse muscle in the wheelers might avail<br /> -To move a load when lighter beasts must fail.<br /> -I say not this with view of underrating<br /> -Your priceless value, nor <i>that</i> price abating.<br /> -I merely would suggest a fair division<br /> -Of labor as perhaps a wise provision.<br /> -’Tis seen that dogs and other beastly samples<br /> -Teach us to hunt in pairs, by their examples.<br /> -Though women shirk the part of baby-feeders,<br /> -They still might work in double-teams—as leaders.<br /> -I recognize your fitness for the station,<br /> -Bow to the law of nature’s ordination<br /> -And raise my voice to swell the great ovation,<br /> -That waits this movement’s culmination.<br /> -Yet, humbly here would proffer a petition;<br /> -That, when her hopes are ripened to fruition,<br /> -And woman sits above us high and holy,<br /> -She’ll not forget to use us, (base and lowly<br /> -As we confess ourselves,) when powers brutal,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span>Like courage, strength, and zeal, may suit all<br /> -The circumstances of the new connection<br /> -’Twixt vulgar man and feminine perfection,<br /> -Permit us still, as an especial favor<br /> -From ruder toils and war’s alarms to save her:<br /> -The priv’lege grant, to fight, and toil, and swelter,<br /> -To furnish her support, and peace, and shelter;<br /> -To shield her angel face and fragile members,<br /> -From summers burning and from chill Decembers.<br /> -Yet, should such functions smack of arrogation<br /> -We’ll service render in some humbler station.<br /> -Perchance as barbers act, with greatest pleasure;<br /> -Or, kneeling low, as tailors, take her measure.</p> - -<p class='c016'>When woman is enthroned and man deposed—<br /> -The masculine dynasty fairly closed—<br /> -All this would follow as a thing of course—<br /> -As one ascends, the other sinks, perforce.<br /> -So much is plain to my poor comprehension;<br /> -But pardon me when now I briefly mention,<br /> -Some quandaries which, spite of all my grinding<br /> -Puzzle my brain past any hope of finding.<br /> -If now, as Susan argues, (save the mark!)<br /> -Fair woman should with man no more embark<br /> -In trade or any other enterprize,<br /> -Calling, pursuit, or act beneath the skies,<br /> -Beseech you, lovely social reconstructors<br /> -Who then shall play the role of reproductors?<br /> -A man might dishes wash, might swing the ladle,<br /> -The dinner cook, and even rock the cradle—<br /> -But how to <i>fill</i> the crib without a wife, or<br /> -A concubine, is more than I can cypher.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>Just here I find, like Butler to a pin,<br /> -Myself a bottle, closely stoppered in.<br /> -And when the great millenium has met her,<br /> -When woman has no toil or care to fret her,<br /> -Does she design to live and reign forever?<br /> -Hath fate no pow’r the thread of life to sever?<br /> -Reckless, as to the conquered world’s possessors,<br /> -Has she no thought or care for her successors?<br /> -And if maternal functions be discarded<br /> -How shall the future of the race be guarded?<br /> -I only ask for private information—<br /> -No doubt there is a simple explanation,<br /> -Which I would fain possess that I might offer<br /> -The same to any godless gentile scoffer,<br /> -Who, sometimes might prefer unjust complaints,<br /> -Or doubt the wisdom of the rule of saints.<br /> -I fain would clothe myself in plated mail,<br /> -That, being safe, I need not shrink or quail<br /> -When far aloft I hear your blazoned banner,<br /> -And battle—after politician’s manner.<br /> -If you will aid me by your ballots on<br /> -My rough and rugged road to Washington,<br /> -Your modes of cure, and projects of prevention,<br /> -Shall, ladies, have—my earliest attention.”<br /> -Thus he bewildered them in crafty ways;<br /> -And being flush of non-commital phrase<br /> -Baptized their senses, sprinkling cloudy haze;<br /> -Shouting reform by way of peroration<br /> -Till all were drunken wild with exultation.<br /> -That such delusive mixture pleased them well<br /> -Attest unearthly shriek, hysteric yell,<br /> -That deluge-like upon him ceasing fell.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span>’Twas like the chatterings and caws that rose<br /> -From o’er excited rookery of crows<br /> -When raven sermon rounded to its close.<br /> -The spirit power conquered not a few,<br /> -Who, falling, shouted, “Hoop-te-doo-dle-doo.”</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>BOOK III.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c014'>SANCTUM SANCTORUM.</h2> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c004'> - <div>SUPPLEMENTARY CREATION. THE PALIMPSEST.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='c016'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-i.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi0_85'> -IN patching up this coat from tatters rotten,<br /> -Be sure the sable cloth was not forgotten.<br /> -And fit, indeed, that moral bridge-contractors<br /> -Have place, as well as moral malefactors;<br /> -So when these last are forced to fly to cover,</p> - -<p class='c016'>The first “by mediation” bear them over.<br /> -Accordingly when cry for more was sounded<br /> -The heav’nly manna fell, supply unbounded,<br /> -Then rev’rend Pee-Wee, rose, a humble man,<br /> -A spindling soldier of the Lord and ’gan,<br /> -In gentle murmurs half apologetic:<br /> -As if he feared the rude and energetic<br /> -Was unbecoming to his sacred station,<br /> -Or, dreaded lest a rousing, sound oration,<br /> -Might shake the country to its deep foundation<br /> -And bring destruction on this glorious nation.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span>However, being one of slow progression<br /> -Still in the A, B, C, of his profession,<br /> -Perhaps, ’twas only modest, wise, and prudent,<br /> -To step with caution, like a freshman student.<br /> -A stripling faded, pale, and neutral-eyed,<br /> -Like one in milk-and-water color dyed,<br /> -Rocking and swaying on his “feeble knees,”<br /> -Like flexile willow bending in the breeze,<br /> -He toyed as daintly with mighty themes<br /> -As if he handled doubtful eggs in dreams.<br /> -So have I seen a pale potato vine<br /> -In darksome cellar, tender grow and pine<br /> -For want of sunlight, dew, and bracing air;<br /> -And naught could e’er the early loss repair,<br /> -He, urged by zeal some action to perform<br /> -Which might, by marv’lous chance, promote reform;<br /> -The pious fame whereof should never cease—<br /> -Got softly up to speak his little piece:<br /> -With cringing step, profusely bowing too,<br /> -Crept carefully, and made this rich “debut.”</p> - -<p class='c016'>“I come, a sinner bowed with sad contrition,<br /> -Dear ladies, on my heav’nly master’s mission.<br /> -I wish “while yet the lamp holds out to burn”<br /> -To do this sinful world a friendly turn.<br /> -If you’re not wholly dead to sense and reason,<br /> -Perhaps you’ll hear the message spoke in season,<br /> -You’ll find recorded in the sacred word<br /> -In Genesis, from chapter one to third.<br /> -On sacred page much wisdom is discerned<br /> -And more inferred, as you’ve already learned.<br /> -Read here <i>some</i> secrets of the everlasting;<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>The rest we draw from heav’n “by prayer and fasting.”<br /> -The views with which my soul has so been favored<br /> -I’ll now unfold with sundry comments flavored.</p> - -<p class='c016'>When after lengthened ages of debating,<br /> -And after all the heavn’ly host were tired of waiting,<br /> -Th’ orig’nal plan was reached for man’s creating,<br /> -’Twas found before the work had far proceeded,<br /> -A rare, peculiar kind of dirt was needed;<br /> -No sooner known, than necessary orders<br /> -Were issued to the country’s farthest borders.<br /> -At once, in all the fields, by all the hovels,<br /> -Angels were seen with rocking pans and shovels,<br /> -Washing, sifting, like California miners,<br /> -In search of requisite amount of shiners.<br /> -At last, while in this digging, scratching, scraping,<br /> -Vast periods of time had been escaping,<br /> -Loud trumpet tones the heavn’ly rafters shaking,<br /> -Proclaimed the dough already for the baking.<br /> -The baker’s men, without regard to wages,<br /> -Had been experimenting all these ages,<br /> -With oven hot as ever they could stand in,<br /> -To learn the trade, to sort’o get their hand in,<br /> -By making beasts, ring-streaked, speck’d and striped<br /> -Before they undertook to build a biped.<br /> -With mould, and paste, and pepper all collected,<br /> -They now began the labor long projected.<br /> -The prentice first, a witless kind of flunkey,<br /> -A total failure made, and cooked a monkey.<br /> -Next him, an older, consequential brother,<br /> -In haste quite confident tossed in another,<br /> -But found with nothing in the world to hinder<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span>He’d darkey made by burning to a cinder.<br /> -The foreman then with losses vexed and “stuffy”<br /> -Essayed his practiced hand, in manner “huffy.”<br /> -Still he brought out, if I dont tell a “whopper”<br /> -His cake in boastful style, done brown as copper.<br /> -’Tis true, this batch was overdone but little,<br /> -Yet, ruined in the temper, crisp and brittle.<br /> -Now, when he saw this shameful waste of batter,<br /> -The master thought ’twas time to end the matter.<br /> -He scrimped and scraped and gathered ev’ry portion<br /> -Lest he should also make a mere abortion.<br /> -Had just enough. All heaven was delighted<br /> -To see it drawn all smooth and clean and whited.<br /> -But when they’d crowned him first of human kings<br /> -To rule and govern sublunary things,<br /> -It seems they held a supplement’ry meeting<br /> -Wherein the project was advanced of now repeating<br /> -That process which had just so well succeeded,<br /> -And build a partner thought by Adam needed.<br /> -They deemed him not precisely in position,<br /> -Through accident of sexual condition,<br /> -T’ obey that wholesome social regulation<br /> -Which contemplates increase of population.<br /> -When first announced the notion vastly pleased them,<br /> -But soon they found, while blank amazement seized them,<br /> -Through heedlessness and lavish waste uncommon,<br /> -Not stock enough was left to make a woman.<br /> -Ingenious substitutes and plans were tendered<br /> -And e’en some jealousy was thus engendered<br /> -By their rejection; but of all suggested<br /> -Not one succeeded well when fairly tested.<br /> -The master thought, since nought could come of planting,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span>Could he from Adam steal the scion wanting,<br /> -(Which might be done by slumber o’er him wafting)<br /> -He’d try a kind of independent grafting;<br /> -Thus, with good luck, save Adam lots of trouble,<br /> -By furnishing, at no expense, his double.<br /> -Agreed to—since they could not do without it:<br /> -Still, having more or less of pain about it,<br /> -The scheme involved some shrewd and crafty trapping;<br /> -And that is why they took the good man napping.<br /> -Awful slumber! a most expensive lodging,<br /> -Creating debt no man succeeds in dodging.<br /> -A national debt foredoomed to last forever,<br /> -With tax not one evades, tho’ ne’er so clever.<br /> -Blind bard! who sweeter sung for want of eyes,<br /> -You blundered sadly once, to my surprise:<br /> -Sleeping (’tis true, the bible proves it so)<br /> -“Brought death into the world and all our woe.”<br /> -If aught is taught by Adam’s heavy fall<br /> -It teaches man should never sleep at all.<br /> -No Eve, no sin, this fearful uproar keeping;<br /> -No sin, no death; no death, no mourners weeping;<br /> -Had luckless Adam not been captured sleeping<br /> -But up and dressed in reasonable season,<br /> -It stands to unassisted human reason<br /> -No sinful woman would have lived to be<br /> -Prolific source of so much misery.<br /> -* * * * * * * * * *<br /> -Hail, rain, thunder, tempest and hurricane!<br /> -Howl and shriek! Split your throats! ye’ll blow in vain<br /> -To drown the whirlwind, furious and wild,<br /> -That burst, from tongue and eye, on this poor child.<br /> -Hags and witches! not such the woful flutter,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>In your weird ranks, when mortal chanced to utter<br /> -Some magic spell, some scrap of holy writ<br /> -That sent you howling to th’ infernal pit.<br /> -Such hate unspeakable, such fiery blazes!<br /> -Lightning flashes! well-nigh their mem’ry crazes.<br /> -Mild inoffensive man! who humbly sought<br /> -The truth in singleness to sow, but brought<br /> -A bitter, bitter harvesting instead<br /> -Of hurtling wrath on his defenseless head;<br /> -A simple artless priest, ’twas plain to see<br /> -Or else, the heathen that you call “chinee”<br /> -His final fate, no chronicles reveal it<br /> -He pity left behind, tho’ few to feel it.</p> - -<p class='c016'>And now, in sable garments, slow uprose<br /> -A trafficker in apprehended woes,<br /> -Who thought to bring the uproar to a close,<br /> -By pacifying gesture bland and mild;<br /> -And smooth, with oil of grace, this ocean wild.<br /> -A goodly morsel of humanity,<br /> -Compound of arrogance and vanity.<br /> -Possessed of lordly form, imposing mien,<br /> -He dwells in conscious sanctity serene,<br /> -Amid conceded pow’rs; and seeks to charm<br /> -By soothing platitudes, all dread of harm<br /> -From souls awakened: and, crying peace, peace,<br /> -In pulpit stands a fox protecting geese—<br /> -Better, by indications of the jowls,<br /> -A heav’nly miller making carnal tolls.<br /> -Janus his name, a curiosity<br /> -A double faced, a rare monstrosity!<br /> -One visage ministers in things divine,<br /> -The other serves the devil genuine.<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span>In keeping good his harp of “thousand strings,”<br /> -Could all at once discourse a dozen things.<br /> -While one with “devil’s dream” kept up a pother,<br /> -Old “coronation” rang right off the other;<br /> -To aid their cause he’d little inclination;<br /> -Yet never could resist the strong temptation<br /> -When woman sought his aid to gain salvation.<br /> -Of boats he knew—but feared to leave the craft<br /> -He paddled now, until the female raft<br /> -He saw at hand, could safely upward bear him,<br /> -In case his present owners wished to spare him;<br /> -Misdoubting lest this willow-wicker scow<br /> -A pirate prove, wood-hull and brazen prow,<br /> -In consequence by taking middle course<br /> -He fired, like breechless gun, with little force.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Quoth he: “Let discord cease! Behold the morn<br /> -Leads on the day when woman shall adorn<br /> -The dirty caucus—shall the noisy poll<br /> -Reduce obedient to her control—<br /> -With radiating purity illume<br /> -The dark recess where justice sits in gloom—<br /> -Shall penetrate unarmed his filthy lair<br /> -And tame the democratic grizzly bear;<br /> -With slender finger touch his tawny hide<br /> -And, Una-like, in triumph mount and ride—<br /> -Assume th’ appointed place as heav’nly guide,<br /> -And, first in penitence, as first in sin,<br /> -The resurrection of the race begin.<br /> -Our brother errs—no doubt with best intent;<br /> -For, ordination hath such cleansing lent,<br /> -To all who have its sprinklings underwent,<br /> -(Except to Henry Ward who never needed<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>Superfluous seal that from the church proceeded.)<br /> -To sin “<i>non potest</i>” in its strictest sense,<br /> -That is, with actual malice “in prepense.”<br /> -Tho’ human frailty may, at times, creep in<br /> -And give the merest semblance of a sin.<br /> -Yet priests themselves, like all, when myst’ries blind ’em,<br /> -Must needs interpret as they chance to find ’em.<br /> -To me the sacred word most plainly shows<br /> -A moment opportune the Maker chose,<br /> -When Adam, plunged in slumber’s deep repose,<br /> -Was freest from the carnal thoughts that fill<br /> -Our waking hours—as common grafters still<br /> -Scions select when winters downward force<br /> -The heated saps which through the body course,<br /> -For cooling and refining—so the shoot<br /> -With pulpy crop less passionate may fruit,<br /> -And purity with innocence divine,<br /> -Though earthly vase displayed, incarnate shine.<br /> -What sacrilegious mortal dare assert<br /> -God’s plan abortive? or in pride pervert<br /> -His manifest design? Do we not choose<br /> -The holiest to rule, the bad refuse?<br /> -Some superficial careless hist’ry skimmers<br /> -Read otherwise the feeble light that glimmers,<br /> -In records old, where rays uncertain play<br /> -Like “will-o-wisps” at night, to lead astray<br /> -The traveler belated, and pretend<br /> -The weak must ever to the mighty bend;<br /> -And gravely show, with self-complacent mien,<br /> -How in the annals of the world ’tis seen,<br /> -Of all the host that ruled by “right divine”<br /> -Scarce one in thousands own the female line.<br /> -Not so read I. ’Twas ever held, thou fool,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>For logic good, “the exception proves the rule”<br /> -What rule, but woman’s rule could ever be<br /> -Intended by this just corollary?<br /> -To him who better logic brings than that is<br /> -I’ll freely give my next week sermon gratis.<br /> -Moreover who would father, mother leave<br /> -Except it were to serve a second Eve?<br /> -In truth, from truth we may not distant swerve<br /> -To say that cleave in Hebrew means “to serve.”<br /> -Nor deem this strange—in theologic lore<br /> -Are many things that might surprise you more.<br /> -But these are mostly kept for special use<br /> -To guard against heretical abuse;<br /> -To dazzle vulgar minds with grand display<br /> -And keep their curiosity at bay.<br /> -You’ll therefore please excuse—but count me one<br /> -You’re quite at liberty to lean upon;<br /> -And think yourselves most fortunate indeed<br /> -If you dont find you lean on broken reed—<br /> -For daily is my life this word fulfilling,<br /> -“The flesh is weak, and oft the spirit’s willing.”<br /> -At this he ceased his sophistries to spin,<br /> -His features shining with sardonic grin,<br /> -And went his way to other troubled pools<br /> -With cunning to bewilder other fools.</p> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span>BOOK IV.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='chapter'> - <h2 class='c014'>THE JUDGMENT.</h2> -</div> -<div class='c015'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/di-a.jpg' width='50' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -AT last, when all had howled and shrieked their fill—<br /> -Her trumpet each had blowed, at freest will—<br /> -Had fought and wrangled to her topmost bent—<br /> -When wild tempestous fury all was spent,—<br /> -When sisters found no other theme to touch<br /></p> -<p class='c016'>But greatly marvelled they had done so much.<br /> -When seed for early sowing was exhausted<br /> -And summer crop of thought was brown and frosted—<br /> -A solemn hush like terror o’er them fell,<br /> -More melancholy far than fun’ral knell.<br /> -Just then, when trembling seized the stoutest form<br /> -Slow in that lull which heralds coming storm,<br /> -The frowsy Blunt arose—a staid old joker<br /> -Renowned for nought especial save as smoker.<br /> -A genial wight, who, were the truth confessed,<br /> -Of good intentions greater store possessed<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>Than politic discretion, in his breast.<br /> -His powder might be somewhat slow exploding,<br /> -His musket ne’ertheless was non-corroding.<br /> -If one would tempt its fire, I shouldn’t wonder,<br /> -Slow match he’d better use, then stand from under.<br /> -He, being stirred, displayed unwonted vigor<br /> -And showed himself successful humbug-digger.<br /> -With fervor boiling, hot with earnest passion<br /> -He polished up his theme in foll’wing fashion.<br /> -“Go, triumph! ye heralds of heavenly wrath!<br /> -Let wild desolation illumine your path!<br /> -Spread discord and blighting, unspeakable woe,<br /> -Dissension and turmoil wherever you go!<br /> -Sow, jealousy, envy, and causeless distrust;<br /> -Tread confidence, honor, and manhood in dust;<br /> -Aye, bawl yourself hoarser than ear-splitting gongs<br /> -To whine of injustice and shriek about wrongs—<br /> -Let decency blush at the tatters and rags<br /> -Your madness has clothed them in, vilest of hags—<br /> -Strut, stagger and bluster across the broad stage<br /> -All foaming and frothing in wildest of rage—<br /> -Go, blasting sweet maidenhood’s vision of bliss<br /> -And pois’ning the lip of affection’s pure kiss.<br /> -Go! Blow your tin bugles and rattle your pans,<br /> -And dance your vile dances, your shameless can-cans—<br /> -Rejoice in your conquests, and dream your weak dreams,<br /> -Ye cats paws of shrewder political schemes,<br /> -But listen ye shall to the teachings of sense<br /> -I offer in kindness and not for offence:<br /> -A foretaste of smartings you’ll certainly feel<br /> -When squadrons of metal shall rattle their steel,<br /> -And, cleaving your armor of dullness in twain<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>The gospel of soberness burn on your brain<br /> -To rankle while being and reason remain.<br /> -Your God-given powers are running to waste;<br /> -Dry ashes for apples shall pall on your taste;<br /> -False logic ye utter, delusion unsound:<br /> -Ye’re heaving up boulders that still will rebound;<br /> -Now rolleth the wheel still, the waters recede;<br /> -Ye are helpless and hopeless at uttermost need;<br /> -The weakest of children, ye fondly believe<br /> -The rain that is falling ye’ll catch in a sieve;<br /> -It may be, since marvels as marvels are o’er,<br /> -When water is frozen and water no more.<br /> -Yea! silly as daughters ambitious of yore<br /> -Like modern reformers, God’s work to review,<br /> -Who chopped up their father his youth to renew;<br /> -But found only left, when their work was complete,<br /> -Bones broken, heaps putrid of gristle and meat.<br /> -Your dreams are Utopian, your labors in vain;<br /> -The laws of Jehovah are fixed as the main—<br /> -Still, calmly to argue this question so wide<br /> -If men were consenting and suffrage were tried,<br /> -If woman to stations of honor were called,<br /> -To govern and legislate duly installed;<br /> -And edicts displeasing by her should be made,<br /> -Say where is the muscle to make them obeyed?<br /> -Ah! spitfires! nurse your wrath but ill concealed!<br /> -Ye <i>may</i> despise the rustic blade I wield;<br /> -But homely truths, your guilty conscience owns,<br /> -Hit hard, and oft, like honest country stones,<br /> -Their smitings shatter sinner’s rotten bones.<br /> -Ye blind, whose self-conceit, of envy born,<br /> -A glorious Holland’s teachings laugh to scorn,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>Or hers whose genius bloomed in Afric’s night<br /> -And fruited in unequaled Pink and White.<br /> -Is it the throne or pow’r the throne behind<br /> -That makes the mass obedient and kind?<br /> -If leopards cling tenaciously to spots<br /> -And Ethiopians, the senseless sots,<br /> -At <i>man’s</i> command wont even change their skin<br /> -When white is cleaner far, will all within<br /> -By woman’s magic finger be remoulded<br /> -And mute rebellion sit with arms enfolded?<br /> -As well attempt to dip the ocean dry<br /> -Or paint away the color of the sky!<br /> -Or, (since ye deem all spots a deep disgrace)<br /> -A-tip-toe stand, and taking from his place<br /> -The sun, wash off the freckles from his face!<br /> -Ye say, as oft was said in times gone by<br /> -“The water drops wear stones”—I’ll not deny,<br /> -But merely hint to all good wives and “kinders”<br /> -Each drop that wears the stone is smashed to “flinders.”<br /> -“Cui bono,” is a simple short equation<br /> -Explained by rule of “cost and compensation,”<br /> -Which any one may cypher at his leisure;<br /> -Result, of course, according to his pleasure.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Come, tell me now, ye heartless parasites!<br /> -Come, say, who of you all have <i>not</i> your rights<br /> -Say, is it you, you shiftless gossip spinner,<br /> -Who scarcely cook your sweating husband’s dinner,<br /> -Who nurse pretended invalidities<br /> -And belch in proof your foul acidities;<br /> -Who simulate the pain you never bore<br /> -In lame excuse to gad the city o’er,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>And only darken twice a day your door?<br /> -The proof is on your lazy padded bones!<br /> -’Tis in your gaddings o’er the paving stones!<br /> -Or is it you with sixteen yards of silk<br /> -Who never yet repaid your baby-milk,<br /> -You strutting figure blocks, who make display<br /> -Of fancy shams that honest toil must pay—<br /> -Whose father bends with age and waxes pale<br /> -To buy the flounces on your sluttish trail?<br /> -Or who but thou, with dainty waxen fingers<br /> -O’er whom a father’s fond affection lingers,<br /> -To soothe your pain and share your childish sorrows,<br /> -And pave the way for countless glad to-morrows—<br /> -Pays endless bills, expenses of tuition,<br /> -And finds his hopes but ashes in fruition,<br /> -When you repay his never-failing care<br /> -With black ingratitude, and bring despair?<br /> -Or you, you shameless wanton, holding high<br /> -Your head and leering with salacious eye—<br /> -Vampire! whose godless dissipations drain<br /> -Your cuckoled husband’s hourly shrinking vein,—<br /> -Who coin, in riot waste, his heart and brain<br /> -To guilty dollars;—lapping even now<br /> -The sweat that oozes from his aching brow<br /> -Whose boundless trust and love, by you betrayed,<br /> -In wild extravagance and pride, has made<br /> -Through silly gallantries,—you know it well—<br /> -A forger first, then inmate of a cell?</p> - -<p class='c016'>Relentless fate to thee unkind, O thou<br /> -Of rigid oblong face and planished brow,<br /> -With bony arms protruding down your side,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>In stiff conceit, unbending as your pride,<br /> -What darling right hath been to thee denied?<br /> -O prim propriety, dost grieve because<br /> -Too quick relief from Indiana’s laws<br /> -O’ertook your unconsidered application<br /> -And left you cheerless on a drear plantation—<br /> -A lonely leafless trunk in grim repose<br /> -Amid divorce’s chill and loveless snows,<br /> -Both vice and virtue flying from your soul<br /> -As torrid summers fly the icy pole?<br /> -Fastidious pink! whose hypersens’tive notion<br /> -No suff’rance bore for animal emotion,<br /> -Who pleaded, uncongenial elevation<br /> -Had raised you o’er the master of creation—<br /> -I’ll risk a random guess, incarnate fair,<br /> -You rue the hour that made you as you are.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Perchance ’tis thou, O dusky sprite petite<br /> -Of modest air and soulful murmurs sweet,<br /> -Whose glad hosannas ring with joy complete<br /> -To full admiring houses at your feet?<br /> -Or thou, histronic dame, enkindling dreams<br /> -Of olive groves, and burning orient beams?<br /> -Ah! no, ye lucky ones! ye <i>have</i> the right<br /> -To charm a list’ning world with <i>dear</i> delight<br /> -And win two hundred dollars in a night.</p> - -<p class='c016'>Ah! ye sly cats, who licks the cream of life<br /> -In character of widow, maid, or wife;<br /> -Then, purring sweetly rub your silky skins<br /> -In sweet cajol’ry on our rugged shins,<br /> -’Tis cruel, is it not? bareing to view<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>Secrets deftly covered up by you?<br /> -’Tis cruel, is it not? to lift your paws<br /> -And draw the velvet from your pitless claws?<br /> -Cruel, to scout your immemorial claim<br /> -To innocence, and block the cosy game<br /> -You’ve played since Adam, our deluded sire,<br /> -Raked chestnuts for <i>his</i> siren from the fire?<br /> -What if we let you have your childish way<br /> -To bear the heat and burden of a day—<br /> -To rear the homes and fortresses and guard<br /> -The nation with the nightly watch and ward?<br /> -Ye’ll deem the compensation wondrous small<br /> -To <i>make</i> the laws ye must enforce for all!</p> - -<p class='c016'>But why on man the awful burden load<br /> -Of human miseries decreed of God?<br /> -Why charge to him all sorrow since the fall<br /> -When well ye know ’tis heritage of all?<br /> -Hath woman’s fearful sorrow made you mad<br /> -That ye exemption claim you never had?<br /> -Such calumny unjust ’tis burning shame<br /> -To heap on father’s, brother’s, husband’s name.<br /> -Think ye to rear on fancies such as this<br /> -The fallen altar of domestic bliss?<br /> -Its temple reconstruct with sand and chaff?<br /> -You’d better reconstruct yourselves by half!<br /> -What need of all this stir, this noisy blow—<br /> -This vain parade of wrongs, this empty show?<br /> -Go back, ye rebels! seek your native air—<br /> -Be happy in the way your mothers were!<br /> -Go sit at Jesus’ feet, meek pupils there<br /> -And wipe them with your penitential hair!<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>That woman hath more wrongs, with man they cause,<br /> -Than man, from being woman’s partner draws,<br /> -Is false as——well, I would not wish to swear,<br /> -But truth I’ll tell, for truth is only fair,<br /> -And, since ye dare the reading of the roll<br /> -Ye can’t complain when I display the scroll.<br /> -Go through the town, inquire from street, to street,<br /> -And this the truthful record ye shall meet.</p> - -<p class='c016'>A hundred men shall study day and night<br /> -How best promote the family’s delight;<br /> -And ten are sunk beneath the base control<br /> -Of vice, in hopeless servitude of soul.</p> - -<p class='c016'>A hundred men shall gather worldly pelf,<br /> -While each shall spend a tithe upon himself;<br /> -And ten shall waste in drink and gambling hall<br /> -Their children’s patrimony and their all.</p> - -<p class='c016'>A hundred men, with true parental care<br /> -Their sons shall guide and guard their daughters fair;<br /> -And ten shall school their brood in street and dust<br /> -Regardless of their highest holiest trust.</p> - -<p class='c016'>A hundred men shall, in their av’rage rate,<br /> -The manly part perform in home and state;<br /> -And ten, by selfishness and devilish hate<br /> -Humanity shall fairly desecrate.<br /></p> -<p class='c015'>Aforetime, woman dear, ’twas so with you,<br /> -And shall be so again—for God is true,<br /> -Nor will forget to gather, as of old,<br /> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span>His wand’ring children in the heav’nly fold.<br /> -When clothed upon ye are, in calmer hour,<br /> -By soberness, and clad in reason’s pow’r,<br /> -Ye’ll marvel at the mad delirium<br /> -And weird delusions that with fever come.<br /> -Then man shall, softened, bend his lofty pride—<br /> -Then both restored shall journey side by side,<br /> -And common love shall be the common guide.<br /> -It’s not of swillers, sots and blocks, I talk;<br /> -I mean good sturdy anglo-saxon stock.<br /> -Let these arise, assume their rightful place,<br /> -And justly stamp the occidental race—<br /> -No more corrupt our honest mother tongue<br /> -By mixing alienisms thick among<br /> -The euphonies in which a Milton sung;<br /> -Nor shapeless Puritanic mongrel breed<br /> -By crop with Gallia’s atheistic creed.<br /> -Let man be what omniscient God designed,<br /> -And woman act the part of womankind.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c1'> -<div class='nf-center c004'> - <div><span class='sc'>Finis.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c004' /> -</div> -<p class='c023'> </p> -<div class='tnbox'> - - <ul class='ul_1 c004'> - <li>Transcriber’s Notes: - <ul class='ul_2'> - <li>Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Typographical errors were silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant - form was found in this book. - </li> - </ul> - </li> - </ul> - -</div> -<p class='c023'> </p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HYBRIDS, AN EPI-COMIC SATIRE ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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