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diff --git a/old/65716-0.txt b/old/65716-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index f221adc..0000000 --- a/old/65716-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1116 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Quiet Hotel, by Frank Dumont - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Quiet Hotel - A Farcical Sketch in One Act - -Author: Frank Dumont - -Release Date: June 27, 2021 [eBook #65716] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE QUIET HOTEL *** - - - - - -SHOEMAKER’S - -BEST SELECTIONS - -For Readings _and_ Recitations - -Nos. 1 to 27 Now Issued - - Paper Binding, each number, 30 cents - Cloth ” ” ” 50 cents - - -Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who have had occasion to -use books of this kind, concede this to be the best series of speakers -published. The different numbers are compiled by leading elocutionists -of the country, who have exceptional facilities for securing -selections, and whose judgment as to their merits is invaluable. No -trouble or expense is spared to obtain the very best readings and -recitations, and much material is used by special arrangement with -other publishers, thus securing the best selections from such American -authors as Longfellow, Holmes, Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and -Phœbe Cary, Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost English authors -are also represented, as well as the leading French and German writers. - -This series was formerly called “The Elocutionist’s Annual,” the first -seventeen numbers being published under that title. - -While the primary purpose of these books is to supply the wants of -the public reader and elocutionist, nowhere else can be found such an -attractive collection of interesting short stories for home reading. - -Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed upon receipt of -price. - - - The Penn Publishing Company - 226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia - - - - - _The Quiet Hotel_ - - A Farcical Sketch in One Act - - BY - FRANK DUMONT - - Author of “HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET”, - “THE DEPOT LUNCH COUNTER,” etc. - - [Illustration] - - - PHILADELPHIA - THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY - 1912 - - - - -COPYRIGHT 1912 BY THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY - - - - -The Quiet Hotel - - - - -CHARACTERS - - - MISS CALCIUM _An actress, looking for rest._ - SUSAN _Who runs the Quiet Hotel._ - RUBBER-NECK _Colored porter and general assistant._ - -NOTE.--Rubber-Neck may easily be played as a white character part if -preferred. - -TIME:--Twenty-five minutes. - - - - -STORY OF THE SKETCH - - -Susan and Rubber-Neck keep a country hotel advertised as “very quiet.” -Miss Calcium, an actress, comes with her wardrobe in one suit-case. -“You may stay just one day on that baggage.” Rubber-Neck wants to be an -actor. Miss Calcium’s attempt at tragedy scares Rubber-Neck and Susan. -“This is a quiet hotel.” She shows them how to do it. “You are tied to -the track.” “Hold on, maybe dat train don’t stop here.” The thrilling -rescue scene. Rubber-Neck’s train of cars. “You’re both real actors. -We’ll do a sister act in vaudeville.” “All right; it’s better than -keeping a quiet hotel.” - - - - -COSTUMES - - -MISS CALCIUM. Traveling suit and hat, very pronounced and dashing in -style. She may be anywhere from twenty to forty in age. - -SUSAN. Smart chambermaid’s costume, with rather short skirt, and a neat -little apron. Age, twenty to thirty. - -RUBBER-NECK. Black face (or white, if preferred). May be of any age. -Wears dark trousers, gingham shirt, and a uniform cap with word -“Porter” on front. Costume may be made comic as desired. - - - - -PROPERTIES - - -For Miss Calcium, dress-suit case and umbrella. For Rubber-Neck, -child’s train of cars, dinner-bell, whistle. For Susan, call-bell. - -The noise of an approaching train is easily imitated behind scenes -with a piece of sheet-iron which is struck with two beaters similar to -egg beaters. This effect may, however, be omitted if preferred, as the -action does not absolutely depend on it. - - - - -The Quiet Hotel - - -SCENE.--_Any plain interior will serve. Entrances R. and L. Table up C. -May be furnished, if preferred, as a country hotel office, with table -C., counter up L., with ink-bottle and pen, and bell. Posters on walls -advertising county fairs and circuses, sales of stock, etc. A few old -wooden armchairs scattered about._ - -(_Curtain rises on empty stage. After a slight pause enter MISS -CALCIUM, R._) - -MISS C. Well, this place is well named. It’s the Quiet Hotel, all -right. It ought to be a fine rest cure for my tired nerves. (_Calls -musically._) Hello! (_Listens._) My, just hear that echo! (_Calls -again._) Hello! Hello! No answer. I never before saw a house so -completely full of emptiness. (_Calls._) Landlord! Clerk! Bell-boy! -Telephone operator! Waiter! Chambermaid! - -(_Each time she calls she raps on counter or floor with umbrella._) - -(_Enter SUSAN, L., leisurely, with hands in apron pockets._) - -SUSAN. Oh, good-morning! Er--were you looking for any one? - -MISS C. (_loudly_). Looking for---- Say, is this really a hotel? - -SUSAN. Certainly. A little less noise, please. We’re not used to it. - -MISS C. Oh, indeed. And who are you, please? - -SUSAN. Who, me? Oh, I’m it. - -MISS C. It? - -SUSAN. Sure. The main squeeze, the high guy, the whole works; in fact, -I’m the hotel. - -MISS C. I don’t understand. You---- - -SUSAN. Why, I’m understudy for the landlord, that’s all, and -incidentally I’m clerk, bookkeeper, chambermaid, manicure, -stenographer, head cook and bottle washer. In fact, I’m the whole -force, except the porter. - -MISS C. (_dazed_). Oh, except the porter. I see. So you are in full -charge of the hotel? - -SUSAN. Am I! If I quit the place it will have to close up and move to -(_name near-by town_). - -MISS C. You must be a very important person in this hotel. - -SUSAN (_calmly_). I am. I own it. - -MISS C. (_surprised_). You own it? - -(_Enter RUBBER-NECK, R. He sneaks with exaggerated quietness toward the -suit-case which is behind MISS C. She does not see him. As he is about -to snatch it SUSAN frowns and shakes her head at him, and he hastily -retreats to door R. His head, however, remains in sight, and he keeps -his eye on the suit-case._) - -SUSAN. Yes. You see they owed me so much in wages it was cheaper to -just give me the hotel than to pay up in cash. - -MISS C. Well, you’re lucky. (_Looks about._) It looks like a fine place. - -SUSAN. Best in the country. You get three meals a day here, and at each -meal four kinds of meat--ram, lamb, sheep and mutton. - -MISS C. But I don’t like mutton. - -SUSAN (_firmly_). Now don’t tell me what you like or what you don’t -like. You like meals, don’t you? - -MISS C. Certainly, but---- - -SUSAN. Well, that’s what you get here--meals, just plain meals. - -MISS C. I don’t think I’ll like it here. When is the next train? - -SUSAN. The next train just left. - -(_RUBBER makes another quiet dive for the bag, but SUSAN shakes her -head and he scrambles back to door R._) - -MISS C. What were you doing when I came in? - -SUSAN. Oh, just sweeping down the halls and stairs, making the beds, -checking up the accounts, doing up my hair, shifting two bureaus, -setting the dining-room tables, and making an apple pie. - -MISS C. Oh, is that all? - -SUSAN. Yep--nothing to do till to-morrow. This is a very quiet, restful -place. - -MISS C. Well, I guess I’ll try it. The doctor has ordered me to take a -rest for a week. - -SUSAN. A week, eh? I suppose you have lots of money? - -MISS C. Well, no. You see, I’m an actress, and I’ve just closed one -engagement and am waiting now for another. - -SUSAN. Humph! Then you’re out of a job? - -MISS C. Er--yes, temporarily. What are your rates? Won’t you call the -porter and have him take my bag to a room? - -(_RUBBER starts toward bag again hopefully, but SUSAN checks him with a -gesture._) - -SUSAN. Well, I---- What have you got in the bag? - -MISS C. That bag contains my wardrobe. - -(_RUBBER disappears._) - -SUSAN. Well, I guess you can stay one day on that baggage if you pay in -advance. (_Taps bell and calls off R. and L._) Porter! Porter! Ain’t -the help something awful nowadays? You can’t never depend on them. -Porter! - -RUBBER (_rushing in R. all out of breath_). Yas’m, yas’m. Here I is. - -SUSAN (_severely_). Where were you? What do you mean by keeping this -lady waiting? - -RUBBER. Well, I was jest out to the gay-rage, fixin’ up the limousine, -an’---- - -SUSAN (_loftily_). Well, you know I prefer the electric runabout in the -afternoons. Show the lady up to Room 948. - -RUBBER. Yas’m. (_Scratches head doubtfully._) You said Room 948? - -SUSAN. Yes, and be quick about it. - -(_RUBBER starts L. with bag, but returns._) - -RUBBER. Yas’m. Excuse me--but is that de back room or de front room? - -MISS C. Oh, any room will suit me. We actresses have to get used to all -sorts of accommodations. - -RUBBER (_setting bag down L._) Oh, is you an actress? - -SUSAN. Certainly she’s an actress. She’s played in Uncle Tom’s Cabin, -haven’t you, Miss--Miss---- - -MISS C. Miss Calcium. I’d better sign the register. (_Goes to counter -and writes in book._) Yes, I’ve played Topsy and Little Eva. And I’ve -supported John Drew. - -RUBBER. Oh, my, oh, my, she supported John Drew. I’m goin’ to tell his -wife. - -SUSAN. She means on the stage, stupid. You’re a blockhead. - -RUBBER. Guess I is. Every time I brush my hair I gets my fingers full -of splinters. So you is an actress? - -(_Walks around her admiringly._) - -MISS C. Certainly. - -RUBBER. Well, I’m certainly pleased to meet you. I was on the stage -once. - -MISS C. Oh, were you? Then we are fellow Thespians. - -RUBBER (_uncertainly_). Yas’m, I guess so. What secret society is dat? - -MISS C. Thespians--actors, you know. How long were you on the stage? - -RUBBER. About twelve hours a day. - -MISS C. Twelve hours a day! You ought to belong to the Actors’ Union. -Where was it? - -RUBBER. Oh, right heah, right heah. I drove the stage from heah to -(_name small town_). - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Oh, I see. - -RUBBER. My, it’s certainly been de dream of my life to meet an actress. -(_Poses._) I’ve always thought I’d be an actor. - -SUSAN. You’d be a bad actor. You couldn’t do it. You need talent to be -an actor. - -RUBBER. No, all you need is cheek. I got lots of cheek. And then, look -at my shape. (_Poses._) I’m goin’ to join a show de first chance I get. - -SUSAN. No you don’t, Rubber; no you don’t. I need you right here in the -hotel. - -RUBBER. Well, I made up my mind I’m goin’ to do it. - -SUSAN. Well, then, I’ll have to confess. I’m an actress myself. I’ve -been taking a course in the Theatrical Correspondence School. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Oh, dear! What could you do on the stage? - -SUSAN. Walk on and make a bluff at it--the way I see lots of them do at -(_name local theatre_). - -RUBBER. And put on lots of paint. - -MISS C. I never paint. - -SUSAN. Neither do I. I belong to the Kalsominers’ Union. If you paint -you can’t fool a woman for half a minute, but you can fool almost any -man for nearly two minutes. - -MISS C. Well, I’m thankful to say there’s nothing false about me. - -SUSAN. Is that your own hair? - -MISS C. Yes, every curl and puff. - -SUSAN. How much did you pay for it? - -MISS C. Nature gave it to me. I have only to pull out a few hairpins -and it falls down to my knees. - -RUBBER. If you’d pull ’em all out it would fall down to the floor. - -MISS C. You’re a rude person. But we actresses have to meet all kinds. - -RUBBER. Oh, my! I guess I better apologize. If I said anything I should -be sorry for I’m glad of it. - -SUSAN. You must excuse him. He never had any bringing up. Where was -your father born? - -RUBBER. In San Francisco. - -SUSAN. And your mother? - -RUBBER. In Boston. - -SUSAN. Well, that accounts for it. - -RUBBER. For what? - -SUSAN. Your Chicago accent. - -RUBBER. Now, don’t go springing jokes like that on me. - -MISS C. Oh, you’ll hear jokes a good deal worse than that when you get -on the stage. So you both want to act, do you? - -SUSAN. I’m crazy about it. - -RUBBER (_strutting around_). Just try me, dat’s all. I’m willin’ to -play anythin’ from Hamlet to pinochle. - -MISS C. (_thoughtfully_). Well, I have been thinking lately of forming -a little vaudeville company. - -SUSAN (_edging up close to her, ecstatically_). Yes, yes--go on. - -RUBBER (_edging up on the other side_). Uh-huh! Go on, gal, I’m -a-listenin’. - -MISS C. And you’re sure you’d like acting? - -SUSAN. } - } Yes, yes. -RUBBER. } - -(_Slight pause. MISS C. slowly walks R. The others stand L._) - -MISS C. (_suddenly_). Ah, ha! There he stands--(_pointing to RUBBER_) -the man who murdered my father---- - -RUBBER (_scared_). Go ’way, woman, I don’t know your father. - -MISS C. (_continuing rapidly and tragically_). Then forced open the -safe and took the jewels and the money. - -RUBBER (_dodging behind table badly scared_). Now listen at dat woman -lyin’ about me. You can’t prove it. - -MISS C. (_turning on SUSAN_). And you--you helped him in his dastardly -work. (_Goes L._) You poisoned the child--muh--muh poor little che-ild. - -(_She weeps. SUSAN retreats around table, but RUBBER pushes her away._) - -RUBBER. Go on away. Don’t you touch me. You poisoned a kid. I always -knew you was that kind of a woman. My, ain’t you ashamed of yourself? - -MISS C. (_to both_). Then you destroyed the will and set fire to the -house. - -SUSAN. The woman’s crazy! - -RUBBER. Oh, let me out of here! Police! Fire! Murder! - -MISS C. (_making a sudden movement toward RUBBER_). Villain! Your time -has come. Scoundrel--you cannot escape me. - -(_Makes a rush for the table. RUBBER and SUSAN both dive under it._) - -SUSAN (_under table_). Oh, dear, I’m sorry I let her stay. - -RUBBER (_under table_). She’s crazy as a June-bug--that’s what she is. -She’s sufferin’ with the heat. - -MISS C. (_laughing silently--then continuing in tragic tone_). I have -tracked you at last. I am that old man’s daughter. - -RUBBER. Say, lady, all the money I got’s in the pocket of my other -pants out in the stable. Won’t you take it and leave here? - -MISS C. Money! What do I care for money now! The law could not reach -you--but I will. - -(_She seizes RUBBER and drags him from under the table, and throws him -L.; then pulls out SUSAN, crying, “You, too,” and throws her R. They -sit on floor, frightened. MISS C. sits on table C., fanning herself._) - -RUBBER. Honest, lady, I never done it. - -SUSAN (_crying_). Oh, please go--please go. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Well, how do you like acting now? - -RUBBER (_rising_). Was that acting? - -SUSAN (_rising_). You don’t mean it? - -MISS C. Certainly. That is a scene from my great part in “A Woman’s -Secret; or, Foiled by Fate.” - -SUSAN. And people paid real money to see that? - -MISS C. Of course. We played to capacity houses for weeks. - -RUBBER. Gee! (_He picks up suit-case and runs out R._) - -SUSAN. Well, if people are as easy as that I guess I can get their -money. What do you have to learn first? - -MISS C. Well, the first thing is the voice. You must have a good, -strong voice to be an actor. - -(_Enter RUBBER, R., swinging a lantern._) - -RUBBER (_in a loud singsong voice mostly in one note_). -Train--goin’ west! Buffalo--Cleveland--Chicago--Omaha--Denver--Salt -Lake--Yellowstone Park--Seattle--Tacoma--Alaska--and all way -stations!--Train--goin’--west! Al-l-l-l aboard! - -MISS C. (_putting hands over ears_). Mercy, his voice is strong enough. - -RUBBER. I can do it louder. (_Begins again, more loudly._) Train -goin’--east--Chicago---- - -MISS C. (_hands over ears_). That will do! I thought this was a quiet -hotel. - -SUSAN (_grabbing RUBBER and stopping him_). Cut it out. We know you can -do it. - -MISS C. So you liked that acting, did you? - -SUSAN. Show us how to do it and you can board here for nothing. - -MISS C. Well, that’s very bad acting. I’m not going to do any more of -it. - -RUBBER. Not on me, you won’t. - -MISS C. But I’ll show you how to do the real thing. When you’ve once -begun, stick to it, and you’ll win. Persistent effort--that’s the key -to success. - -RUBBER. That’s me. Hard work’s my middle name. Yas’m, I kin stick to it -all right. - -MISS C. Very well. I see--I see you both have talent, and can stand -hard knocks. (_To SUSAN._) We’ll go into vaudeville. You and I will do -a sister act. - -RUBBER. Oh, won’t you let me be a sister to you? - -MISS C. I’ll think about it. I’ll arrange a part for you in a -melodramatic sketch I have written. I call it “The Special Train.” - -RUBBER (_starting across stage calling as before_). Train--goin’--north! -Nottingham--Newbury--Newport--Noblestown--Norwood--Nux Vomica, and New -York! All-l-l aboard! - -(_SUSAN and MISS C. try to stop him._) - -MISS C. Don’t do that again; do you hear? - -RUBBER. Yes’m. Tell me about dis “Special Train.” - -MISS C. All the managers are crazy about it. - -RUBBER. If you stay here much longer I’ll be as crazy as they are. - -MISS C. Now this sketch is very simple and easily rehearsed. Here are -the railroad tracks. - -(_Points to floor. RUBBER peers at floor, then taps his head._) - -RUBBER. She’s seeing things again! - -MISS C. There is the ticket office! (_Points R._) - -SUSAN. That’s the barber shop. - -MISS C. And I am--the villain! - -RUBBER. We know that. - -MISS C. (_to RUBBER_). I take you and tie you to the railroad track. - -RUBBER. Good-night! (_Starts R._) - -MISS C. Wait a moment! - -RUBBER. No, ma’am! You are too dangerous for me. - -MISS C. But no harm comes to you; for as the special train comes -dashing along---- - -RUBBER (_interrupting_). Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Maybe dat train -don’t stop at dis station--then it’s good-bye nigger for me! - -SUSAN. Don’t be a coward! You can die but once. - -RUBBER. Well--once is enough for me! I don’t know how to die. I ain’t -had no practice. - -MISS C. Then I will not call upon you to lie upon the track--I will lie -there myself. - -SUSAN (_heroically_). And I will save you. - -RUBBER. And I’ll get the reward. - -MISS C. Now, then, to business. I am tied to the track. (_To RUBBER._) -You’ll be the train. You go and get a locomotive! - -RUBBER. Say! I done told you that woman ain’t right. Where am I going -to steal a locomotive? - -MISS C. Oh, get a train of cars! Now don’t stand there talking. Do as I -tell you. Get the train! Get the special train! - -SUSAN (_imitating_). Get the train--get the special train. Ask Willie -for a train of cars. - -MISS C. (_pushing RUBBER L._). Go on. Get the train. Get the special -train! - -(_SUSAN and MISS C. push RUBBER off L. 2 E., as he protests._) - -SUSAN (_laughing_). The idea! He doesn’t know where to steal a little -thing like a locomotive! - -MISS C. Now to business! I lie here upon the tracks. (_Lies with head -toward footlights._) When I scream for help, you come and pull me off -the tracks. Remember your cue. - -SUSAN. All right! (_Runs up R. C._) What’s my cue? - -MISS C. Save me--some one--save me! - -SUSAN. All right. Save me--some one--save me! - -MISS C. Ah! The train is coming at the rate of sixty miles a second. - -SUSAN (_shouting_). Save me--some one--save me! - -MISS C. (_sitting up_). Wait until I say it. The special train is -coming at the rate of sixty miles a second. (_Music hurry. Whistle of -train is heard in distance with noise of train. See properties. The -noise grows louder and nearer. MISS C. screams._) Save me! Save me! Who -will save me? (_SUSAN is hopping about, not knowing what to do, and -MISS C. repeats the cue several times, and then shouts over the din._) -Come on and save me! That’s your cue! (_Just as SUSAN is about to drag -MISS C. from the supposed tracks RUBBER prances on from L. 2 E., with a -small tin or toy locomotive and cars to which a string is attached. He -is ringing a dinner-bell and blowing a whistle, which he holds between -his teeth. He goes across the stage making a detour to avoid running -over the others. At R. he pauses and looks back at them, still ringing -bell. MISS C. rises._) Oh, dramatic art! What crimes are committed -in thy name! (_To RUBBER._) Stop ringing that bell. (_She stands C., -SUSAN L. RUBBER stops ringing and begins to blow whistle._) Stop that -whistling! - -(_MISS C. snatches whistle from RUBBER._) - -RUBBER (_grieved and surprised_). Didn’t you done tole me to stick to -it, when I once begun? - -SUSAN. Certainly she did. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Yes, I did, but---- - -RUBBER. Well, I’m a-stickin’. (_Rings bell._) And you said this is the -special train, didn’t you? - -MISS C. Yes, but this is a quiet hotel, and---- - -RUBBER (_firmly_). It’s goin’ to be still quieter. If you’re goin’ you -better git on. Al-l-l aboard--special way train for the subway, the -Great White Way and Broadway. (_Blows whistle._) Al-l-l aboard! - -SUSAN. That’s it--that’s the way I’m going. No more hotel for mine! -(_Dramatic gesture._) It’s me for the footlights. - -MISS C. (_C., with others either side of her_). You’re both all right. -Hereafter we’re the Calcium Comedy Company, Unlimited! We’ll take the -Quiet Hotel to Broadway and make a noise with it they can hear half-way -to San Francisco!--All-l-l aboard! - -(_The sketch may be ended with a song or other specialty if preferred._) - - -CURTAIN - - - - -Practical Elocution - -By J. W. SHOEMAKER, A. M. - -300 pages - -Cloth, Leather Back, $1.25 - -[Illustration] - - -This work is the outgrowth of actual class-room experience, and is a -practical, common-sense treatment of the whole subject. It is clear and -concise, yet comprehensive, and is absolutely free from the entangling -technicalities that are so frequently found in books of this class. - -Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocution, is regarded -as embracing all the germs of speech and action. Prominent attention -is therefore given to the cultivation of this the most common form of -human expression. - -General principles and practical processes are presented for the -cultivation of strength, purity, and flexibility of Voice, for the -improvement of distinctness and correctness in Articulation, and for -the development of Soul power in delivery. - -The work includes a systematic treatment of Gesture in its several -departments of position, facial expression, and bodily movement, a -brief system of Gymnastics bearing upon vocal development and grace of -movement, and also a chapter on Methods of Instruction, for teachers. - -Sold by all booksellers, or sent, prepaid, upon receipt of price. - - -The Penn Publishing Company - -226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia - - - - - Do you want to be an Orator - - Do you want to be a Teacher of Elocution - - Do you want to be a Public Reader - - Do you want to improve your conversation - - Do you want training in Physical Culture - - Do you want to increase your power in any direction - -[Illustration] - - A CATALOGUE GIVING FULL INFORMATION - AS TO HOW ANY OF THESE ACCOMPLISHMENTS - MAY BE ATTAINED - WILL BE SENT FREE ON REQUEST - - -The National School of Elocution and Oratory - - Parkway Building Philadelphia - - - - -TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES: - - -Italicized or underlined text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_. - -Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE QUIET HOTEL *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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