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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..335cda6 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #65716 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65716) diff --git a/old/65716-0.txt b/old/65716-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index f221adc..0000000 --- a/old/65716-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1116 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Quiet Hotel, by Frank Dumont - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Quiet Hotel - A Farcical Sketch in One Act - -Author: Frank Dumont - -Release Date: June 27, 2021 [eBook #65716] - -Language: English - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The - Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE QUIET HOTEL *** - - - - - -SHOEMAKER’S - -BEST SELECTIONS - -For Readings _and_ Recitations - -Nos. 1 to 27 Now Issued - - Paper Binding, each number, 30 cents - Cloth ” ” ” 50 cents - - -Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who have had occasion to -use books of this kind, concede this to be the best series of speakers -published. The different numbers are compiled by leading elocutionists -of the country, who have exceptional facilities for securing -selections, and whose judgment as to their merits is invaluable. No -trouble or expense is spared to obtain the very best readings and -recitations, and much material is used by special arrangement with -other publishers, thus securing the best selections from such American -authors as Longfellow, Holmes, Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and -Phœbe Cary, Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost English authors -are also represented, as well as the leading French and German writers. - -This series was formerly called “The Elocutionist’s Annual,” the first -seventeen numbers being published under that title. - -While the primary purpose of these books is to supply the wants of -the public reader and elocutionist, nowhere else can be found such an -attractive collection of interesting short stories for home reading. - -Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed upon receipt of -price. - - - The Penn Publishing Company - 226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia - - - - - _The Quiet Hotel_ - - A Farcical Sketch in One Act - - BY - FRANK DUMONT - - Author of “HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET”, - “THE DEPOT LUNCH COUNTER,” etc. - - [Illustration] - - - PHILADELPHIA - THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY - 1912 - - - - -COPYRIGHT 1912 BY THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY - - - - -The Quiet Hotel - - - - -CHARACTERS - - - MISS CALCIUM _An actress, looking for rest._ - SUSAN _Who runs the Quiet Hotel._ - RUBBER-NECK _Colored porter and general assistant._ - -NOTE.--Rubber-Neck may easily be played as a white character part if -preferred. - -TIME:--Twenty-five minutes. - - - - -STORY OF THE SKETCH - - -Susan and Rubber-Neck keep a country hotel advertised as “very quiet.” -Miss Calcium, an actress, comes with her wardrobe in one suit-case. -“You may stay just one day on that baggage.” Rubber-Neck wants to be an -actor. Miss Calcium’s attempt at tragedy scares Rubber-Neck and Susan. -“This is a quiet hotel.” She shows them how to do it. “You are tied to -the track.” “Hold on, maybe dat train don’t stop here.” The thrilling -rescue scene. Rubber-Neck’s train of cars. “You’re both real actors. -We’ll do a sister act in vaudeville.” “All right; it’s better than -keeping a quiet hotel.” - - - - -COSTUMES - - -MISS CALCIUM. Traveling suit and hat, very pronounced and dashing in -style. She may be anywhere from twenty to forty in age. - -SUSAN. Smart chambermaid’s costume, with rather short skirt, and a neat -little apron. Age, twenty to thirty. - -RUBBER-NECK. Black face (or white, if preferred). May be of any age. -Wears dark trousers, gingham shirt, and a uniform cap with word -“Porter” on front. Costume may be made comic as desired. - - - - -PROPERTIES - - -For Miss Calcium, dress-suit case and umbrella. For Rubber-Neck, -child’s train of cars, dinner-bell, whistle. For Susan, call-bell. - -The noise of an approaching train is easily imitated behind scenes -with a piece of sheet-iron which is struck with two beaters similar to -egg beaters. This effect may, however, be omitted if preferred, as the -action does not absolutely depend on it. - - - - -The Quiet Hotel - - -SCENE.--_Any plain interior will serve. Entrances R. and L. Table up C. -May be furnished, if preferred, as a country hotel office, with table -C., counter up L., with ink-bottle and pen, and bell. Posters on walls -advertising county fairs and circuses, sales of stock, etc. A few old -wooden armchairs scattered about._ - -(_Curtain rises on empty stage. After a slight pause enter MISS -CALCIUM, R._) - -MISS C. Well, this place is well named. It’s the Quiet Hotel, all -right. It ought to be a fine rest cure for my tired nerves. (_Calls -musically._) Hello! (_Listens._) My, just hear that echo! (_Calls -again._) Hello! Hello! No answer. I never before saw a house so -completely full of emptiness. (_Calls._) Landlord! Clerk! Bell-boy! -Telephone operator! Waiter! Chambermaid! - -(_Each time she calls she raps on counter or floor with umbrella._) - -(_Enter SUSAN, L., leisurely, with hands in apron pockets._) - -SUSAN. Oh, good-morning! Er--were you looking for any one? - -MISS C. (_loudly_). Looking for---- Say, is this really a hotel? - -SUSAN. Certainly. A little less noise, please. We’re not used to it. - -MISS C. Oh, indeed. And who are you, please? - -SUSAN. Who, me? Oh, I’m it. - -MISS C. It? - -SUSAN. Sure. The main squeeze, the high guy, the whole works; in fact, -I’m the hotel. - -MISS C. I don’t understand. You---- - -SUSAN. Why, I’m understudy for the landlord, that’s all, and -incidentally I’m clerk, bookkeeper, chambermaid, manicure, -stenographer, head cook and bottle washer. In fact, I’m the whole -force, except the porter. - -MISS C. (_dazed_). Oh, except the porter. I see. So you are in full -charge of the hotel? - -SUSAN. Am I! If I quit the place it will have to close up and move to -(_name near-by town_). - -MISS C. You must be a very important person in this hotel. - -SUSAN (_calmly_). I am. I own it. - -MISS C. (_surprised_). You own it? - -(_Enter RUBBER-NECK, R. He sneaks with exaggerated quietness toward the -suit-case which is behind MISS C. She does not see him. As he is about -to snatch it SUSAN frowns and shakes her head at him, and he hastily -retreats to door R. His head, however, remains in sight, and he keeps -his eye on the suit-case._) - -SUSAN. Yes. You see they owed me so much in wages it was cheaper to -just give me the hotel than to pay up in cash. - -MISS C. Well, you’re lucky. (_Looks about._) It looks like a fine place. - -SUSAN. Best in the country. You get three meals a day here, and at each -meal four kinds of meat--ram, lamb, sheep and mutton. - -MISS C. But I don’t like mutton. - -SUSAN (_firmly_). Now don’t tell me what you like or what you don’t -like. You like meals, don’t you? - -MISS C. Certainly, but---- - -SUSAN. Well, that’s what you get here--meals, just plain meals. - -MISS C. I don’t think I’ll like it here. When is the next train? - -SUSAN. The next train just left. - -(_RUBBER makes another quiet dive for the bag, but SUSAN shakes her -head and he scrambles back to door R._) - -MISS C. What were you doing when I came in? - -SUSAN. Oh, just sweeping down the halls and stairs, making the beds, -checking up the accounts, doing up my hair, shifting two bureaus, -setting the dining-room tables, and making an apple pie. - -MISS C. Oh, is that all? - -SUSAN. Yep--nothing to do till to-morrow. This is a very quiet, restful -place. - -MISS C. Well, I guess I’ll try it. The doctor has ordered me to take a -rest for a week. - -SUSAN. A week, eh? I suppose you have lots of money? - -MISS C. Well, no. You see, I’m an actress, and I’ve just closed one -engagement and am waiting now for another. - -SUSAN. Humph! Then you’re out of a job? - -MISS C. Er--yes, temporarily. What are your rates? Won’t you call the -porter and have him take my bag to a room? - -(_RUBBER starts toward bag again hopefully, but SUSAN checks him with a -gesture._) - -SUSAN. Well, I---- What have you got in the bag? - -MISS C. That bag contains my wardrobe. - -(_RUBBER disappears._) - -SUSAN. Well, I guess you can stay one day on that baggage if you pay in -advance. (_Taps bell and calls off R. and L._) Porter! Porter! Ain’t -the help something awful nowadays? You can’t never depend on them. -Porter! - -RUBBER (_rushing in R. all out of breath_). Yas’m, yas’m. Here I is. - -SUSAN (_severely_). Where were you? What do you mean by keeping this -lady waiting? - -RUBBER. Well, I was jest out to the gay-rage, fixin’ up the limousine, -an’---- - -SUSAN (_loftily_). Well, you know I prefer the electric runabout in the -afternoons. Show the lady up to Room 948. - -RUBBER. Yas’m. (_Scratches head doubtfully._) You said Room 948? - -SUSAN. Yes, and be quick about it. - -(_RUBBER starts L. with bag, but returns._) - -RUBBER. Yas’m. Excuse me--but is that de back room or de front room? - -MISS C. Oh, any room will suit me. We actresses have to get used to all -sorts of accommodations. - -RUBBER (_setting bag down L._) Oh, is you an actress? - -SUSAN. Certainly she’s an actress. She’s played in Uncle Tom’s Cabin, -haven’t you, Miss--Miss---- - -MISS C. Miss Calcium. I’d better sign the register. (_Goes to counter -and writes in book._) Yes, I’ve played Topsy and Little Eva. And I’ve -supported John Drew. - -RUBBER. Oh, my, oh, my, she supported John Drew. I’m goin’ to tell his -wife. - -SUSAN. She means on the stage, stupid. You’re a blockhead. - -RUBBER. Guess I is. Every time I brush my hair I gets my fingers full -of splinters. So you is an actress? - -(_Walks around her admiringly._) - -MISS C. Certainly. - -RUBBER. Well, I’m certainly pleased to meet you. I was on the stage -once. - -MISS C. Oh, were you? Then we are fellow Thespians. - -RUBBER (_uncertainly_). Yas’m, I guess so. What secret society is dat? - -MISS C. Thespians--actors, you know. How long were you on the stage? - -RUBBER. About twelve hours a day. - -MISS C. Twelve hours a day! You ought to belong to the Actors’ Union. -Where was it? - -RUBBER. Oh, right heah, right heah. I drove the stage from heah to -(_name small town_). - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Oh, I see. - -RUBBER. My, it’s certainly been de dream of my life to meet an actress. -(_Poses._) I’ve always thought I’d be an actor. - -SUSAN. You’d be a bad actor. You couldn’t do it. You need talent to be -an actor. - -RUBBER. No, all you need is cheek. I got lots of cheek. And then, look -at my shape. (_Poses._) I’m goin’ to join a show de first chance I get. - -SUSAN. No you don’t, Rubber; no you don’t. I need you right here in the -hotel. - -RUBBER. Well, I made up my mind I’m goin’ to do it. - -SUSAN. Well, then, I’ll have to confess. I’m an actress myself. I’ve -been taking a course in the Theatrical Correspondence School. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Oh, dear! What could you do on the stage? - -SUSAN. Walk on and make a bluff at it--the way I see lots of them do at -(_name local theatre_). - -RUBBER. And put on lots of paint. - -MISS C. I never paint. - -SUSAN. Neither do I. I belong to the Kalsominers’ Union. If you paint -you can’t fool a woman for half a minute, but you can fool almost any -man for nearly two minutes. - -MISS C. Well, I’m thankful to say there’s nothing false about me. - -SUSAN. Is that your own hair? - -MISS C. Yes, every curl and puff. - -SUSAN. How much did you pay for it? - -MISS C. Nature gave it to me. I have only to pull out a few hairpins -and it falls down to my knees. - -RUBBER. If you’d pull ’em all out it would fall down to the floor. - -MISS C. You’re a rude person. But we actresses have to meet all kinds. - -RUBBER. Oh, my! I guess I better apologize. If I said anything I should -be sorry for I’m glad of it. - -SUSAN. You must excuse him. He never had any bringing up. Where was -your father born? - -RUBBER. In San Francisco. - -SUSAN. And your mother? - -RUBBER. In Boston. - -SUSAN. Well, that accounts for it. - -RUBBER. For what? - -SUSAN. Your Chicago accent. - -RUBBER. Now, don’t go springing jokes like that on me. - -MISS C. Oh, you’ll hear jokes a good deal worse than that when you get -on the stage. So you both want to act, do you? - -SUSAN. I’m crazy about it. - -RUBBER (_strutting around_). Just try me, dat’s all. I’m willin’ to -play anythin’ from Hamlet to pinochle. - -MISS C. (_thoughtfully_). Well, I have been thinking lately of forming -a little vaudeville company. - -SUSAN (_edging up close to her, ecstatically_). Yes, yes--go on. - -RUBBER (_edging up on the other side_). Uh-huh! Go on, gal, I’m -a-listenin’. - -MISS C. And you’re sure you’d like acting? - -SUSAN. } - } Yes, yes. -RUBBER. } - -(_Slight pause. MISS C. slowly walks R. The others stand L._) - -MISS C. (_suddenly_). Ah, ha! There he stands--(_pointing to RUBBER_) -the man who murdered my father---- - -RUBBER (_scared_). Go ’way, woman, I don’t know your father. - -MISS C. (_continuing rapidly and tragically_). Then forced open the -safe and took the jewels and the money. - -RUBBER (_dodging behind table badly scared_). Now listen at dat woman -lyin’ about me. You can’t prove it. - -MISS C. (_turning on SUSAN_). And you--you helped him in his dastardly -work. (_Goes L._) You poisoned the child--muh--muh poor little che-ild. - -(_She weeps. SUSAN retreats around table, but RUBBER pushes her away._) - -RUBBER. Go on away. Don’t you touch me. You poisoned a kid. I always -knew you was that kind of a woman. My, ain’t you ashamed of yourself? - -MISS C. (_to both_). Then you destroyed the will and set fire to the -house. - -SUSAN. The woman’s crazy! - -RUBBER. Oh, let me out of here! Police! Fire! Murder! - -MISS C. (_making a sudden movement toward RUBBER_). Villain! Your time -has come. Scoundrel--you cannot escape me. - -(_Makes a rush for the table. RUBBER and SUSAN both dive under it._) - -SUSAN (_under table_). Oh, dear, I’m sorry I let her stay. - -RUBBER (_under table_). She’s crazy as a June-bug--that’s what she is. -She’s sufferin’ with the heat. - -MISS C. (_laughing silently--then continuing in tragic tone_). I have -tracked you at last. I am that old man’s daughter. - -RUBBER. Say, lady, all the money I got’s in the pocket of my other -pants out in the stable. Won’t you take it and leave here? - -MISS C. Money! What do I care for money now! The law could not reach -you--but I will. - -(_She seizes RUBBER and drags him from under the table, and throws him -L.; then pulls out SUSAN, crying, “You, too,” and throws her R. They -sit on floor, frightened. MISS C. sits on table C., fanning herself._) - -RUBBER. Honest, lady, I never done it. - -SUSAN (_crying_). Oh, please go--please go. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Well, how do you like acting now? - -RUBBER (_rising_). Was that acting? - -SUSAN (_rising_). You don’t mean it? - -MISS C. Certainly. That is a scene from my great part in “A Woman’s -Secret; or, Foiled by Fate.” - -SUSAN. And people paid real money to see that? - -MISS C. Of course. We played to capacity houses for weeks. - -RUBBER. Gee! (_He picks up suit-case and runs out R._) - -SUSAN. Well, if people are as easy as that I guess I can get their -money. What do you have to learn first? - -MISS C. Well, the first thing is the voice. You must have a good, -strong voice to be an actor. - -(_Enter RUBBER, R., swinging a lantern._) - -RUBBER (_in a loud singsong voice mostly in one note_). -Train--goin’ west! Buffalo--Cleveland--Chicago--Omaha--Denver--Salt -Lake--Yellowstone Park--Seattle--Tacoma--Alaska--and all way -stations!--Train--goin’--west! Al-l-l-l aboard! - -MISS C. (_putting hands over ears_). Mercy, his voice is strong enough. - -RUBBER. I can do it louder. (_Begins again, more loudly._) Train -goin’--east--Chicago---- - -MISS C. (_hands over ears_). That will do! I thought this was a quiet -hotel. - -SUSAN (_grabbing RUBBER and stopping him_). Cut it out. We know you can -do it. - -MISS C. So you liked that acting, did you? - -SUSAN. Show us how to do it and you can board here for nothing. - -MISS C. Well, that’s very bad acting. I’m not going to do any more of -it. - -RUBBER. Not on me, you won’t. - -MISS C. But I’ll show you how to do the real thing. When you’ve once -begun, stick to it, and you’ll win. Persistent effort--that’s the key -to success. - -RUBBER. That’s me. Hard work’s my middle name. Yas’m, I kin stick to it -all right. - -MISS C. Very well. I see--I see you both have talent, and can stand -hard knocks. (_To SUSAN._) We’ll go into vaudeville. You and I will do -a sister act. - -RUBBER. Oh, won’t you let me be a sister to you? - -MISS C. I’ll think about it. I’ll arrange a part for you in a -melodramatic sketch I have written. I call it “The Special Train.” - -RUBBER (_starting across stage calling as before_). Train--goin’--north! -Nottingham--Newbury--Newport--Noblestown--Norwood--Nux Vomica, and New -York! All-l-l aboard! - -(_SUSAN and MISS C. try to stop him._) - -MISS C. Don’t do that again; do you hear? - -RUBBER. Yes’m. Tell me about dis “Special Train.” - -MISS C. All the managers are crazy about it. - -RUBBER. If you stay here much longer I’ll be as crazy as they are. - -MISS C. Now this sketch is very simple and easily rehearsed. Here are -the railroad tracks. - -(_Points to floor. RUBBER peers at floor, then taps his head._) - -RUBBER. She’s seeing things again! - -MISS C. There is the ticket office! (_Points R._) - -SUSAN. That’s the barber shop. - -MISS C. And I am--the villain! - -RUBBER. We know that. - -MISS C. (_to RUBBER_). I take you and tie you to the railroad track. - -RUBBER. Good-night! (_Starts R._) - -MISS C. Wait a moment! - -RUBBER. No, ma’am! You are too dangerous for me. - -MISS C. But no harm comes to you; for as the special train comes -dashing along---- - -RUBBER (_interrupting_). Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Maybe dat train -don’t stop at dis station--then it’s good-bye nigger for me! - -SUSAN. Don’t be a coward! You can die but once. - -RUBBER. Well--once is enough for me! I don’t know how to die. I ain’t -had no practice. - -MISS C. Then I will not call upon you to lie upon the track--I will lie -there myself. - -SUSAN (_heroically_). And I will save you. - -RUBBER. And I’ll get the reward. - -MISS C. Now, then, to business. I am tied to the track. (_To RUBBER._) -You’ll be the train. You go and get a locomotive! - -RUBBER. Say! I done told you that woman ain’t right. Where am I going -to steal a locomotive? - -MISS C. Oh, get a train of cars! Now don’t stand there talking. Do as I -tell you. Get the train! Get the special train! - -SUSAN (_imitating_). Get the train--get the special train. Ask Willie -for a train of cars. - -MISS C. (_pushing RUBBER L._). Go on. Get the train. Get the special -train! - -(_SUSAN and MISS C. push RUBBER off L. 2 E., as he protests._) - -SUSAN (_laughing_). The idea! He doesn’t know where to steal a little -thing like a locomotive! - -MISS C. Now to business! I lie here upon the tracks. (_Lies with head -toward footlights._) When I scream for help, you come and pull me off -the tracks. Remember your cue. - -SUSAN. All right! (_Runs up R. C._) What’s my cue? - -MISS C. Save me--some one--save me! - -SUSAN. All right. Save me--some one--save me! - -MISS C. Ah! The train is coming at the rate of sixty miles a second. - -SUSAN (_shouting_). Save me--some one--save me! - -MISS C. (_sitting up_). Wait until I say it. The special train is -coming at the rate of sixty miles a second. (_Music hurry. Whistle of -train is heard in distance with noise of train. See properties. The -noise grows louder and nearer. MISS C. screams._) Save me! Save me! Who -will save me? (_SUSAN is hopping about, not knowing what to do, and -MISS C. repeats the cue several times, and then shouts over the din._) -Come on and save me! That’s your cue! (_Just as SUSAN is about to drag -MISS C. from the supposed tracks RUBBER prances on from L. 2 E., with a -small tin or toy locomotive and cars to which a string is attached. He -is ringing a dinner-bell and blowing a whistle, which he holds between -his teeth. He goes across the stage making a detour to avoid running -over the others. At R. he pauses and looks back at them, still ringing -bell. MISS C. rises._) Oh, dramatic art! What crimes are committed -in thy name! (_To RUBBER._) Stop ringing that bell. (_She stands C., -SUSAN L. RUBBER stops ringing and begins to blow whistle._) Stop that -whistling! - -(_MISS C. snatches whistle from RUBBER._) - -RUBBER (_grieved and surprised_). Didn’t you done tole me to stick to -it, when I once begun? - -SUSAN. Certainly she did. - -MISS C. (_laughing_). Yes, I did, but---- - -RUBBER. Well, I’m a-stickin’. (_Rings bell._) And you said this is the -special train, didn’t you? - -MISS C. Yes, but this is a quiet hotel, and---- - -RUBBER (_firmly_). It’s goin’ to be still quieter. If you’re goin’ you -better git on. Al-l-l aboard--special way train for the subway, the -Great White Way and Broadway. (_Blows whistle._) Al-l-l aboard! - -SUSAN. That’s it--that’s the way I’m going. No more hotel for mine! -(_Dramatic gesture._) It’s me for the footlights. - -MISS C. (_C., with others either side of her_). You’re both all right. -Hereafter we’re the Calcium Comedy Company, Unlimited! We’ll take the -Quiet Hotel to Broadway and make a noise with it they can hear half-way -to San Francisco!--All-l-l aboard! - -(_The sketch may be ended with a song or other specialty if preferred._) - - -CURTAIN - - - - -Practical Elocution - -By J. W. SHOEMAKER, A. M. - -300 pages - -Cloth, Leather Back, $1.25 - -[Illustration] - - -This work is the outgrowth of actual class-room experience, and is a -practical, common-sense treatment of the whole subject. It is clear and -concise, yet comprehensive, and is absolutely free from the entangling -technicalities that are so frequently found in books of this class. - -Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocution, is regarded -as embracing all the germs of speech and action. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Quiet Hotel</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:1em;'>A Farcical Sketch in One Act</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Frank Dumont</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: June 27, 2021 [eBook #65716]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE QUIET HOTEL ***</div> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/cover.jpg" width="50%" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<p class="ph1"><small>SHOEMAKER’S</small><br /> - -BEST SELECTIONS<br /> - -<small>For Readings <i>and</i> Recitations</small></p> - -<p class="center"><b>Nos. 1 to 27 Now Issued</b></p> - - -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" summary="table"> - -<tr><td><b>Paper Binding, each number,</b> </td><td class="tdr"> <b> 30 cents</b></td></tr> -<tr><td><b>Cloth <span class="gap"> ”</span><span class="gap"> ” </span><span class="gap"> ”</span></b> </td><td class="tdr"> <b>50 cents</b></td></tr> -</table> - - -<p>Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who -have had occasion to use books of this kind, concede -this to be the best series of speakers published. The -different numbers are compiled by leading elocutionists -of the country, who have exceptional facilities for -securing selections, and whose judgment as to their -merits is invaluable. No trouble or expense is spared -to obtain the very best readings and recitations, and -much material is used by special arrangement with -other publishers, thus securing the best selections -from such American authors as Longfellow, Holmes, -Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and Phœbe Cary, -Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost English -authors are also represented, as well as the -leading French and German writers.</p> - -<p>This series was formerly called “The Elocutionist’s -Annual,” the first seventeen numbers being published -under that title.</p> - -<p>While the primary purpose of these books is to -supply the wants of the public reader and elocutionist, -nowhere else can be found such an attractive collection -of interesting short stories for home reading.</p> - -<p>Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed -upon receipt of price.</p> - - -<p class="center"><b>The Penn Publishing Company<br /> -226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia</b></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/titlepage.jpg" alt="" /></div> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1><span class="u">The Quiet Hotel</span></h1> - -<p>A Farcical Sketch in One Act</p> - -<p>BY<br /> -<span class="large">FRANK DUMONT</span><br /> -<br /> -Author of “HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET”,<br /> -“THE DEPOT LUNCH COUNTER,” etc.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/titlepagelogo.jpg" alt="" /></div> - - -<p>PHILADELPHIA<br /> -THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY<br /> -1912</p> -</div></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Copyright 1912 by The Penn Publishing Company</span></p> -</div> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[3]</span> -<p class="ph1">The Quiet Hotel</p> -</div> - - - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="CHARACTERS">CHARACTERS</h2> - - -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" summary="table"> - - -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Miss Calcium </span></td><td class="tdr"> <i>An actress, looking for rest.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Susan</span></td><td class="tdr"> <i>Who runs the Quiet Hotel.</i></td></tr> -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Rubber-Neck</span></td><td class="tdr"> <i>Colored porter and general assistant.</i></td></tr> -</table> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Note.</span>—Rubber-Neck may easily be played as a white -character part if preferred.</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Time</span>:—Twenty-five minutes.</p> - - - -<h2 class="nobreak">STORY OF THE SKETCH</h2> - - - -<p>Susan and Rubber-Neck keep a country hotel advertised -as “very quiet.” Miss Calcium, an actress, comes with her -wardrobe in one suit-case. “You may stay just one day on -that baggage.” Rubber-Neck wants to be an actor. Miss -Calcium’s attempt at tragedy scares Rubber-Neck and Susan. -“This is a quiet hotel.” She shows them how to do it. -“You are tied to the track.” “Hold on, maybe dat train -don’t stop here.” The thrilling rescue scene. Rubber-Neck’s -train of cars. “You’re both real actors. We’ll do -a sister act in vaudeville.” “All right; it’s better than -keeping a quiet hotel.”</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[4]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak">COSTUMES</h2> - - - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Calcium.</span> Traveling suit and hat, very pronounced -and dashing in style. She may be anywhere from twenty -to forty in age.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Smart chambermaid’s costume, with rather short -skirt, and a neat little apron. Age, twenty to thirty.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber-Neck.</span> Black face (or white, if preferred). May -be of any age. Wears dark trousers, gingham shirt, and a -uniform cap with word “Porter” on front. Costume may -be made comic as desired.</p> - - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak">PROPERTIES</h2> - - - -<p>For Miss Calcium, dress-suit case and umbrella. For -Rubber-Neck, child’s train of cars, dinner-bell, whistle. -For Susan, call-bell.</p> - -<p>The noise of an approaching train is easily imitated behind -scenes with a piece of sheet-iron which is struck with -two beaters similar to egg beaters. This effect may, however, -be omitted if preferred, as the action does not absolutely -depend on it.</p> - - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[5]</span> - -<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="large">The Quiet Hotel</span></h2> -</div> - -<div class="hangingindent"> - -<p>SCENE.—<i>Any plain interior will serve. Entrances</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> -<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <i>Table up</i> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span> <i>May be furnished, if preferred, as -a country hotel office, with table</i> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <i>counter up</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>, <i>with -ink-bottle and pen, and bell. Posters on walls advertising -county fairs and circuses, sales of stock, etc. A few old -wooden armchairs scattered about.</i></p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Curtain rises on empty stage. After a slight pause enter</i> -<span class="smcap">Miss Calcium</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -</div> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, this place is well named. It’s the Quiet -Hotel, all right. It ought to be a fine rest cure for my -tired nerves. (<i>Calls musically.</i>) Hello! (<i>Listens.</i>) My, -just hear that echo! (<i>Calls again.</i>) Hello! Hello! No -answer. I never before saw a house so completely full of -emptiness. (<i>Calls.</i>) Landlord! Clerk! Bell-boy! Telephone -operator! Waiter! Chambermaid!</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Each time she calls she raps on counter or floor with -umbrella.</i>)</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>, <i>leisurely, with hands in apron pockets</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Oh, good-morning! Er—were you looking for -any one?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>loudly</i>). Looking for—— Say, is this really -a hotel?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Certainly. A little less noise, please. We’re -not used to it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, indeed. And who are you, please?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Who, me? Oh, I’m it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> It?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Sure. The main squeeze, the high guy, the -whole works; in fact, I’m the hotel.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> I don’t understand. You——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Why, I’m understudy for the landlord, that’s<span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[6]</span> -all, and incidentally I’m clerk, bookkeeper, chambermaid, -manicure, stenographer, head cook and bottle washer. In -fact, I’m the whole force, except the porter.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>dazed</i>). Oh, except the porter. I see. So -you are in full charge of the hotel?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Am I! If I quit the place it will have to close -up and move to (<i>name near-by town</i>).</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> You must be a very important person in this -hotel.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>calmly</i>). I am. I own it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>surprised</i>). You own it?</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber-Neck</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>He sneaks with exaggerated -quietness toward the suit-case which is behind</i> <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> -<i>She does not see him. As he is about to snatch it</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> -<i>frowns and shakes her head at him, and he hastily retreats -to door</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>His head, however, remains in sight, -and he keeps his eye on the suit-case.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yes. You see they owed me so much in wages -it was cheaper to just give me the hotel than to pay up in -cash.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, you’re lucky. (<i>Looks about</i>.) It looks -like a fine place.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Best in the country. You get three meals a day -here, and at each meal four kinds of meat—ram, lamb, -sheep and mutton.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> But I don’t like mutton.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>firmly</i>). Now don’t tell me what you like or -what you don’t like. You like meals, don’t you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Certainly, but——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, that’s what you get here—meals, just -plain meals.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> I don’t think I’ll like it here. When is the -next train?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> The next train just left.</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>makes another quiet dive for the bag, but</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> -<i>shakes her head and he scrambles back to door</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> What were you doing when I came in?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Oh, just sweeping down the halls and stairs, -making the beds, checking up the accounts, doing up my -hair, shifting two bureaus, setting the dining-room tables, -and making an apple pie.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[7]</span><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, is that all?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yep—nothing to do till to-morrow. This is a -very quiet, restful place.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, I guess I’ll try it. The doctor has -ordered me to take a rest for a week.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> A week, eh? I suppose you have lots of -money?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, no. You see, I’m an actress, and I’ve -just closed one engagement and am waiting now for another.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Humph! Then you’re out of a job?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Er—yes, temporarily. What are your rates? -Won’t you call the porter and have him take my bag to a -room?</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>starts toward bag again hopefully, but</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> -<i>checks him with a gesture</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, I—— What have you got in the bag?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> That bag contains my wardrobe.</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>disappears</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, I guess you can stay one day on that -baggage if you pay in advance. (<i>Taps bell and calls off</i> -<span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>) Porter! Porter! Ain’t the help something -awful nowadays? You can’t never depend on them. -Porter!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>rushing in</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>all out of breath</i>). Yas’m, yas’m. -Here I is.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>severely</i>). Where were you? What do you -mean by keeping this lady waiting?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Well, I was jest out to the gay-rage, fixin’ up -the limousine, an’——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>loftily</i>). Well, you know I prefer the electric -runabout in the afternoons. Show the lady up to Room 948.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Yas’m. (<i>Scratches head doubtfully.</i>) You -said Room 948?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yes, and be quick about it.</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>starts</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <i>with bag, but returns</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Yas’m. Excuse me—but is that de back room -or de front room?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, any room will suit me. We actresses have -to get used to all sorts of accommodations.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[8]</span><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>setting bag down</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>) Oh, is you an actress?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Certainly she’s an actress. She’s played in -Uncle Tom’s Cabin, haven’t you, Miss—Miss——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Miss Calcium. I’d better sign the register. -(<i>Goes to counter and writes in book.</i>) Yes, I’ve played -Topsy and Little Eva. And I’ve supported John Drew.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Oh, my, oh, my, she supported John Drew. -I’m goin’ to tell his wife.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> She means on the stage, stupid. You’re a -blockhead.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Guess I is. Every time I brush my hair I gets -my fingers full of splinters. So you is an actress?</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Walks around her admiringly.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Certainly.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Well, I’m certainly pleased to meet you. I -was on the stage once.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, were you? Then we are fellow Thespians.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>uncertainly</i>). Yas’m, I guess so. What secret -society is dat?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Thespians—actors, you know. How long were -you on the stage?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> About twelve hours a day.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Twelve hours a day! You ought to belong to -the Actors’ Union. Where was it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Oh, right heah, right heah. I drove the stage -from heah to (<i>name small town</i>).</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Oh, I see.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> My, it’s certainly been de dream of my life to -meet an actress. (<i>Poses.</i>) I’ve always thought I’d be an -actor.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> You’d be a bad actor. You couldn’t do it. -You need talent to be an actor.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> No, all you need is cheek. I got lots of -cheek. And then, look at my shape. (<i>Poses.</i>) I’m goin’ -to join a show de first chance I get.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> No you don’t, Rubber; no you don’t. I need -you right here in the hotel.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Well, I made up my mind I’m goin’ to do it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, then, I’ll have to confess. I’m an actress -myself. I’ve been taking a course in the Theatrical Correspondence -School.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[9]</span><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Oh, dear! What could you do -on the stage?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Walk on and make a bluff at it—the way I see -lots of them do at (<i>name local theatre</i>).</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> And put on lots of paint.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> I never paint.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Neither do I. I belong to the Kalsominers’ -Union. If you paint you can’t fool a woman for half a -minute, but you can fool almost any man for nearly two -minutes.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, I’m thankful to say there’s nothing false -about me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Is that your own hair?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Yes, every curl and puff.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> How much did you pay for it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Nature gave it to me. I have only to pull out -a few hairpins and it falls down to my knees.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> If you’d pull ’em all out it would fall down to -the floor.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> You’re a rude person. But we actresses have -to meet all kinds.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Oh, my! I guess I better apologize. If I said -anything I should be sorry for I’m glad of it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> You must excuse him. He never had any -bringing up. Where was your father born?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> In San Francisco.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> And your mother?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> In Boston.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, that accounts for it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> For what?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Your Chicago accent.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Now, don’t go springing jokes like that -on me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, you’ll hear jokes a good deal worse than -that when you get on the stage. So you both want to act, -do you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> I’m crazy about it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>strutting around</i>). Just try me, dat’s all. I’m -willin’ to play anythin’ from Hamlet to pinochle.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Well, I have been thinking lately -of forming a little vaudeville company.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>edging up close to her, ecstatically</i>). Yes, yes—go -on.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[10]</span><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>edging up on the other side</i>). Uh-huh! Go -on, gal, I’m a-listenin’.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> And you’re sure you’d like acting?</p> - -<table class="left" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="table"> - -<tr><td><span class="smcap">Susan.</span><br /><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span></td><td valign="middle" rowspan="2"><span class="xxlarge">}</span></td><td valign="middle"> Yes, yes.</td></tr> - -</table> - -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Slight pause</i>. <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>slowly walks</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>The others -stand</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). Ah, ha! There he stands—(<i>pointing -to</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>) the man who murdered my father——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>scared</i>). Go ’way, woman, I don’t know your -father.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>continuing rapidly and tragically</i>). Then forced -open the safe and took the jewels and the money.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>dodging behind table badly scared</i>). Now listen -at dat woman lyin’ about me. You can’t prove it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>turning on</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>). And you—you helped him -in his dastardly work. (<i>Goes</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>) You poisoned the child—muh—muh -poor little che-ild.</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>She weeps</i>. <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>retreats around table, but</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> -<i>pushes her away</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Go on away. Don’t you touch me. You -poisoned a kid. I always knew you was that kind of a -woman. My, ain’t you ashamed of yourself?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>to both</i>). Then you destroyed the will and set -fire to the house.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> The woman’s crazy!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Oh, let me out of here! Police! Fire! -Murder!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>making a sudden movement toward</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>). -Villain! Your time has come. Scoundrel—you cannot escape me.</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Makes a rush for the table</i>. <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>both dive -under it</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>under table</i>). Oh, dear, I’m sorry I let her -stay.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>under table</i>). She’s crazy as a June-bug—that’s -what she is. She’s sufferin’ with the heat.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>laughing silently—then continuing in tragic -tone</i>). I have tracked you at last. I am that old man’s -daughter.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[11]</span><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Say, lady, all the money I got’s in the pocket -of my other pants out in the stable. Won’t you take it and -leave here?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Money! What do I care for money now! -The law could not reach you—but I will.</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>She seizes</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>and drags him from under the table, -and throws him</i> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>; <i>then pulls out</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>, <i>crying, “You, -too,” and throws her</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>They sit on floor, frightened</i>. -<span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>sits on table</i> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <i>fanning herself</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Honest, lady, I never done it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>crying</i>). Oh, please go—please go.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Well, how do you like acting -now?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>rising</i>). Was that acting?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>rising</i>). You don’t mean it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Certainly. That is a scene from my great part -in “A Woman’s Secret; or, Foiled by Fate.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> And people paid real money to see that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Of course. We played to capacity houses for -weeks.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Gee! (<i>He picks up suit-case and runs out</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, if people are as easy as that I guess I can -get their money. What do you have to learn first?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, the first thing is the voice. You must -have a good, strong voice to be an actor.</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>, <i>swinging a lantern</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>in a loud singsong voice mostly in one note</i>). -Train—goin’ west! Buffalo—Cleveland—Chicago—Omaha—Denver—Salt Lake—Yellowstone -Park—Seattle—Tacoma—Alaska—and -all way stations!—Train—goin’—west! -Al-l-l-l aboard!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>putting hands over ears</i>). Mercy, his voice is -strong enough.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> I can do it louder. (<i>Begins again, more -loudly</i>.) Train goin’—east—Chicago——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>hands over ears</i>). That will do! I thought -this was a quiet hotel.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>grabbing</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>and stopping him</i>). Cut it -out. We know you can do it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> So you liked that acting, did you?</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[12]</span><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Show us how to do it and you can board here -for nothing.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Well, that’s very bad acting. I’m not going to -do any more of it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Not on me, you won’t.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> But I’ll show you how to do the real thing. -When you’ve once begun, stick to it, and you’ll win. Persistent -effort—that’s the key to success.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> That’s me. Hard work’s my middle name. -Yas’m, I kin stick to it all right.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Very well. I see—I see you both have talent, -and can stand hard knocks. (<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>.) We’ll go into -vaudeville. You and I will do a sister act.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Oh, won’t you let me be a sister to you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> I’ll think about it. I’ll arrange a part for you -in a melodramatic sketch I have written. I call it “The -Special Train.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>starting across stage calling as before</i>). Train—goin’—north! -Nottingham—Newbury—Newport—Noblestown—Norwood—Nux -Vomica, and New York! All-l-l -aboard!</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>try to stop him</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Don’t do that again; do you hear?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Yes’m. Tell me about dis “Special Train.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> All the managers are crazy about it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> If you stay here much longer I’ll be as crazy -as they are.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Now this sketch is very simple and easily rehearsed. -Here are the railroad tracks.</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>Points to floor</i>. <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>peers at floor, then taps his head</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> She’s seeing things again!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> There is the ticket office! (<i>Points</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> That’s the barber shop.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> And I am—the villain!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> We know that.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>). I take you and tie you to the -railroad track.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Good-night! (<i>Starts</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Wait a moment!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> No, ma’am! You are too dangerous for me.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[13]</span><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> But no harm comes to you; for as the special -train comes dashing along——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>interrupting</i>). Wait a minute! Wait a minute! -Maybe dat train don’t stop at dis station—then it’s -good-bye nigger for me!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span>. Don’t be a coward! You can die but once.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Well—once is enough for me! I don’t know -how to die. I ain’t had no practice.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Then I will not call upon you to lie upon the -track—I will lie there myself.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>heroically</i>). And I will save you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> And I’ll get the reward.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Now, then, to business. I am tied to the track. -(<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>.) You’ll be the train. You go and get a -locomotive!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Say! I done told you that woman ain’t -right. Where am I going to steal a locomotive?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Oh, get a train of cars! Now don’t stand -there talking. Do as I tell you. Get the train! Get the -special train!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>imitating</i>). Get the train—get the special train. -Ask Willie for a train of cars.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>pushing</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>). Go on. Get the train. -Get the special train!</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>push</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>off</i> <span class="allsmcap">L. 2 E.</span>, <i>as he protests</i>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>laughing</i>). The idea! He doesn’t know where -to steal a little thing like a locomotive!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Now to business! I lie here upon the tracks. -(<i>Lies with head toward footlights.</i>) When I scream for -help, you come and pull me off the tracks. Remember your -cue.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> All right! (<i>Runs up</i> <span class="allsmcap">R. C.</span>) What’s my cue?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Save me—some one—save me!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span>. All right. Save me—some one—save me!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Ah! The train is coming at the rate of sixty -miles a second.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<i>shouting</i>). Save me—some one—save me!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>sitting up</i>). Wait until I say it. The special -train is coming at the rate of sixty miles a second. (<i>Music -hurry. Whistle of train is heard in distance with noise of -train. See properties. The noise grows louder and nearer.</i> -<span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>screams</i>.) Save me! Save me! Who will save<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[14]</span> -me? (<span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>is hopping about, not knowing what to do, -and</i> <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>repeats the cue several times, and then shouts -over the din</i>.) Come on and save me! That’s your cue! -(<i>Just as</i> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <i>is about to drag</i> <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>from the supposed -tracks</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>prances on from</i> <span class="allsmcap">L. 2 E.</span>, <i>with a small tin or -toy locomotive and cars to which a string is attached. He -is ringing a dinner-bell and blowing a whistle, which he -holds between his teeth. He goes across the stage making a -detour to avoid running over the others. At</i> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <i>he pauses -and looks back at them, still ringing bell</i>. <span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>rises</i>.) -Oh, dramatic art! What crimes are committed in thy -name! (<i>To</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>.) Stop ringing that bell. (<i>She stands</i> -<span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span> <i>stops ringing and begins to blow -whistle</i>.) Stop that whistling!</p> - -<p class="center">(<span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> <i>snatches whistle from</i> <span class="smcap">Rubber</span>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>grieved and surprised</i>). Didn’t you done tole -me to stick to it, when I once begun?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Certainly she did.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Yes, I did, but——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber.</span> Well, I’m a-stickin’. (<i>Rings bell.</i>) And you -said this is the special train, didn’t you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> Yes, but this is a quiet hotel, and——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Rubber</span> (<i>firmly</i>). It’s goin’ to be still quieter. If you’re -goin’ you better git on. Al-l-l aboard—special way train -for the subway, the Great White Way and Broadway. -(<i>Blows whistle.</i>) Al-l-l aboard!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> That’s it—that’s the way I’m going. No more -hotel for mine! (<i>Dramatic gesture.</i>) It’s me for the footlights.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss C.</span> (<span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <i>with others either side of her</i>). You’re -both all right. Hereafter we’re the Calcium Comedy Company, -Unlimited! We’ll take the Quiet Hotel to Broadway -and make a noise with it they can hear half-way to -San Francisco!—All-l-l aboard!</p> - -<p class="center">(<i>The sketch may be ended with a song or other specialty if -preferred.</i>)</p> - - -<p class="center">CURTAIN</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="Practical_Elocution">Practical Elocution</h2> -</div> - -<p class="center">By <span class="smcap">J. W. Shoemaker</span>, A. M.</p> - -<p class="center">300 pages</p> - -<p class="center">Cloth, Leather Back, $1.25</p> - -<div class="figleft"><img src="images/bookad.jpg" alt="" /></div> - - -<p>This work is the outgrowth of -actual class-room experience, and -is a practical, common-sense treatment -of the whole subject. It is -clear and concise, yet comprehensive, -and is absolutely free from -the entangling technicalities that are so frequently -found in books of this class.</p> - -<p>Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocution, -is regarded as embracing all the germs of -speech and action. Prominent attention is therefore -given to the cultivation of this the most common -form of human expression.</p> - -<p>General principles and practical processes are presented -for the cultivation of strength, purity, and -flexibility of Voice, for the improvement of distinctness -and correctness in Articulation, and for the -development of Soul power in delivery.</p> - -<p>The work includes a systematic treatment of Gesture -in its several departments of position, facial -expression, and bodily movement, a brief system of -Gymnastics bearing upon vocal development and -grace of movement, and also a chapter on Methods -of Instruction, for teachers.</p> - -<p>Sold by all booksellers, or sent, prepaid, upon receipt -of price.</p> - - -<p class="center">The Penn Publishing Company</p> - -<p class="center">226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/backcover.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - -<div class="figright"><img src="images/question.jpg" alt="" /></div> - -<div class="hangingindent"> -<p>Do you want to be an Orator</p> - -<p>Do you want to be a Teacher -of Elocution</p> - -<p>Do you want to be a Public -Reader</p> - -<p>Do you want to improve your -conversation</p> - -<p>Do you want training in Physical -Culture</p> - -<p>Do you want to increase your -power in any direction</p> -</div></div></div> - - - -<p class="center"> -A CATALOGUE GIVING FULL INFORMATION<br /> -AS TO HOW ANY OF THESE ACCOMPLISHMENTS<br /> -MAY BE ATTAINED<br /> -WILL BE SENT FREE ON REQUEST</p> - - -<p class="ph1">The National School of<br /> -Elocution and Oratory</p> - -<p class="center"> -Parkway Building<span class="gap2"> Philadelphia</span></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="transnote"> -<p class="ph2">TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE:</p> - - - -<p>Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.</p> -</div></div> -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE QUIET HOTEL ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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