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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
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+status under the laws that apply to them.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #65113 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65113)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Vengeance of Toffee, by Charles F. Myers
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: The Vengeance of Toffee
-
-Author: Charles F. Myers
-
-Release Date: April 19, 2021 [eBook #65113]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VENGEANCE OF TOFFEE ***
-
-
-
-
- THE VENGEANCE OF TOFFEE
-
- By Charles F. Myers
-
- The world was on the brink of atomic war and
- nothing, it seemed, could prevent it. But
- Toffee had a plan--and a little magic to boot!
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy
- February 1951
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-The bombs ticked--in remote places--behind locked and guarded doors.
-The bombs ticked, and the terrible sound was distinct in the farthest
-corners of the world--wherever a man picked up a newspaper, turned on a
-radio--or paused to listen to the beating of his own heart. A Bomb ...
-H Bomb ... X Bomb--the bombs ticked louder and louder with the growing
-hours--and each man dwelt alone now with the dark spectre of his own
-trembling fear.
-
-"_Yesterday we perfected a new kind of totalitarian death...._" (It
-was difficult to remember the pleasant, relaxed voice which had once
-given the announcer his popularity, for now it seemed that his breath
-passed over taut nerves rather than vocal cords. But no one noticed; it
-was only what he said that mattered now, not how he said it. Fear fed
-on fear with an avid, indiscriminate appetite--and flourished from the
-diet.)
-
-"_Today we can only be certain that the foreign powers will have caught
-up with us within the next few hours._
-
-"_Can you remember the Atomic Age, ladies and gentlemen? How long ago
-that was! And yet how swiftly we have progressed from that to the Age
-of Human Terror._
-
-"_The X Bomb--the incomprehensible unit of power and destruction which
-dwarfs the human soul and reduces it to a negligible fraction of
-quivering fright--just one small fraction contributing to the monstrous
-organism of terror which has lately become our modern civilization.
-How wretched we are to be living in a civilization in which the word
-'city' has been rendered obsolete by the word 'target.' The New York
-Target ... the Chicago Target ... the Salt Lake and San Francisco
-Targets. How wretched we are._
-
-"_And is it strange that these targets which were once cities are being
-deserted? Is it strange that men have begun to run from the bombs even
-before they have begun to fall? That is the nature of terror._
-
-"_For the first time in its history the nation looks upon a
-nomadic society--largely that group of the working people who have
-ceased working to wander aimlessly, seeking safety within our own
-borders--living by thievery and lawlessness. Crime has increased so
-rapidly of late that a comparative estimate is impossible. That, too,
-is the nature of terror._
-
-"_Today the government would force these erstwhile workers back to
-the hearts of the targets--force them by law back to the factories to
-engage again in the production of death and destruction._
-
-"_'Necessary,' the statesmen say. 'Necessary to national safety.' But
-with the statesmen's words comes the obvious question: Is there still
-any national safety left for any nation? Does it exist anywhere, to be
-preserved? Haven't the fleeing nomads asked themselves this question
-already, turning their frightened eyes to the unprotecting skies?_
-
-"_But the statesman must speak--and he must speak logic, even now
-when logic has deserted us, and words can no longer save us. Every
-man--statesman or otherwise--knows that it is no longer a question of
-whether the bombs will drop--but when they will drop--and who will drop
-them--we or they?_
-
-"_It is true that no nation has declared war, but terror declares its
-own war. Can we wait another day to take the initiative? Can they? The
-undeclared enemy may destroy us tomorrow--or tonight--even within the
-next few minutes. I may not live to finish this broadcast--and you may
-not live to hear it...._"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Suddenly there was a sharp click, and the voice stopped, silenced as
-effectively as though a wire had been knotted about the speaker's
-throat. Marc Pillsworth, startled at the sudden silence, snapped
-forward in his chair and looked up. Julie, the lamp light slanting
-sharply across her face, glared down at him with tense irritation. She
-removed her hand significantly from the radio switch.
-
-"I'm telling you, Marcus Pillsworth," she said menacingly, "I can't
-stand any more of it. If you turn on that bloody instrument again--if
-you so much as twitch your bony finger in its direction--one of us is
-going to die of unnatural causes, and you may have read that the female
-is notoriously more long-lived than the male."
-
-Marc stared at her incredulously through the chill dimness of the
-living room. Then he sighed heavily. This also was the nature of human
-terror: every man was married to a shrew these days. Women simply
-weren't up to it.
-
-But Julie had been better than most--until now. He looked at the
-tightly drawn lips, the circled eyes and tried to remember his wife's
-cool blonde beauty as it had been only a month ago. The contrast was
-disquieting. Well, these were harrowing times for her.
-
-But they were just as harrowing for everyone else--for him. She ought
-to realize that. Suddenly, unaccountably, Marc felt his self-control
-slipping away from him with all the sleazy inevitability of a pair of
-silk shorts with rotten elastic. Suddenly the distorted face across the
-room was not at all the face of his wife, but the face of a vindictive
-stranger who had invaded his rights and his privacy with definite
-malice in mind. Reason left him, and, with a black sucking feeling in
-the pit of his stomach, he felt the last measure of his reserve trickle
-down the drain. Gripping the arms of his chair, he jutted his face out
-into the light and deliberately leered.
-
-"With the world coming down around our ears," he snarled, "I suppose
-you expect me to sit here complacently simpering and snickering and
-snapping my gum like an addled adolescent? Don't you care that we may
-all go to blazes in the next few minutes?"
-
-"No!" Julie screamed, fitting a direct answer to a direct question.
-"No, I don't care. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired through with caring.
-And I'm tired of you sitting there with those great elephantine ears of
-yours hinged to that radio. You've been at it day in, day out, day in,
-day out, day in...!"
-
-"Stop repeating yourself like some idiot tropical bird," Marc snapped.
-
-"Why don't you ever go down to the office any more?" Julie asked with
-womanly logic. "Why don't you get out of here and leave me alone?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-In heavy martyrdom Marc lifted his eyes to the ceiling. What was the
-use? Why go through it all again? He'd explained to her a million
-times that he no longer had any _reason_ to go to the office. The
-advertising business had been one of the first to suffer. Who cared
-what the advertising industry had to say at a time like this? Who
-wanted to be beautiful or healthy or envied when there wasn't any
-future in it?
-
-"Turn the radio on," he said steadily.
-
-Julie's eyes actually sparked flame. "_What?_ Do you really have the
-grassy green gall to ask me to turn that thing on again? I don't
-believe my ears!"
-
-"I'm not asking," Marc said slowly, "I'm _instructing_ you to."
-
-"Hah!" Julie snorted to some invisible spectator. "Listen to him!" She
-eyed him nastily. "Ask me to shinny up the doorsill and do a swan dive
-into my cocktail. I'll do that sooner."
-
-Marc met her gaze for a moment and momentarily declined the challenge.
-"I suppose you just want to sit here and never know what hit you?"
-
-"Exactly," Julie said. "For heaven's sake what does it matter what hits
-us after we're dead? At least I don't want to sit here chewing my nails
-while some morbid-minded deficient drives me into a state of complete
-nervous collapse."
-
-Marc disengaged himself from his chair. She had a point there, though
-he'd rot before he admitted it. With considerable unconcern he moseyed
-across the room and glanced out the window. Then he stopped and leaned
-closer to the pane. Across the street the world was already ablaze. The
-night sky glowed red with flame.
-
-"My God!" he cried. "The Fredericks are on fire!"
-
-Julie moved to his side and stared out the window.
-
-"Who are those people?" she asked. "The ones sitting on the lawn there?"
-
-Marc directed his gaze to the right. He should have seen them sooner,
-except that one's sense of logic, when one is witnessing a fire, does
-not readily encompass a group of people lounging on blankets in the
-glowing radiance--especially when those people are concerned more with
-food, drink and cards than with the fire--and more especially when the
-owners of the flaming dwelling are prominent among those present....
-
-"Aren't those the Fredericks?" Julie asked.
-
-"Do you suppose they've noticed the house?" Marc asked. "But I suppose
-they must."
-
-"Maybe not," Julie said. "They've been drunk for days. It started out
-as a house warming party. Do you suppose this is their idea of a joke?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc turned away. "The papers are full of this sort of thing. The
-anxiety has driven people mad." Then suddenly he stiffened. "Maybe
-they've heard something! Maybe they've decided to burn their home
-rather than let the enemy do it for them." He ran to the radio and
-snapped the switch.
-
-"_Beside every man stalks the black shadow of doom...!_" the announcer
-groaned.
-
-At the window Julie instantly snapped to a position of rigid erectness.
-With cold fury she turned and regarded Marc's lank figure bent
-attentively to the radio speaker. Her eyes rested on her husband's
-impassive posterior, and glittering, unbridled madness flickered in
-their depths.
-
-"_When will the attack fall?_" the announcer inquired, and Julie
-answered him without hesitation. "Now, brother," she murmured. "Right
-now!"
-
-Unaware of the declaration of hostilities from the rear, Marc hung on
-the words of the announcer: "_We can only brace ourselves and hope...._"
-
-It was a pity he did not have the foresight--or perhaps hindsight--to
-follow the announcer's advice. In the next moment Julie's foot,
-propelled so as to accomplish the same work as an iron sledge,
-completed an arc that terminated in what might crudely be called a
-bull's eye.
-
-With a scream of mortal agony, Marc started forward, and jutted his
-head forthwith into the speaker of the radio. There was a dreadful
-splintering sound, and then with a squeal, not unlike Marc's, the
-announcer fell silent.
-
-Marc was unaware of this latter development; both his soul and body
-were too consumed with throbbing pain to be concerned any longer with
-such trivialities as the X Bomb and the demise of the world. The world
-could go to hell in beach sandals and it would be as nothing to the
-awful thing which had befallen him. Thrusting his hands forcibly to the
-seat of his anguish, he dislodged his head from the radio and regarded
-Julie from a crouching position. Clutching himself in a most unmindful
-way he stared up at his mate with almost animal loathing.
-
-"What a rotten thing to do!" he rasped. "And what a fiendish place to
-do it! You ... you're ... you're _inhuman_!"
-
-Julie laughed evilly. "I warned you, you reptile! I told you I couldn't
-stand any more!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc grimaced as a new wave of pain surged upward through his body. "I
-just hope you're proud, waiting until a man's got his back turned and
-then kicking him in the...!"
-
-"There's no need to be crude about it," Julie cut in quickly.
-
-"That's funny, that is!" Marc snapped, baring his teeth. "_Me_--crude!
-What about you? I suppose you've been the perfect little lady in this
-affair? I'm not surprised you can't bear to face your crime!"
-
-"Vulgar!" Julie yelled. "Vulgar, skinny man!"
-
-Marc glanced at the radio. "You've ruined it!"
-
-"You ruined it yourself. Though I will say that if you hadn't, I had
-every intention of taking a meat axe to it."
-
-"And to me, too, I dare say. A nice way for a wife to go on to a
-husband who has cherished and protected her."
-
-"Oh, stop it, you ninny," Julie said. "Stop carrying on as though I'd
-murdered you."
-
-"I'd have preferred to be murdered," Marc said, shuddering with pain.
-
-"Stop crouching like that," Julie said. "And stop holding yourself
-in that suggestive way. You look like a child with uncertain habits.
-Straighten up."
-
-Marc considered the matter of straightening up; never had he felt so
-strongly the need to rise to his full height. He relinquished his
-grip on himself and tried to unbend. Instantly he fell back into the
-crouching position with a cry of pain.
-
-"I can't!" he cried. "I can't straighten up!"
-
-Julie's expression swiftly undertook a series of transformations
-ranging from suspicion to chagrin to abject contrition.
-
-"Of course you can," she said anxiously. "Try."
-
-"I can't, I tell you!" Marc gritted. "And it serves you right. As a
-matter of fact I hope I stay this way, and you have to spend the rest
-of your days explaining to everyone how it happened. You've dislocated
-my sacroiliac, that's what you've done, you brutish female!"
-
-"Oh, no!" Julie gasped. "Oh, Marc!" She ran toward him.
-
-"Get away from me!" Marc snarled. "Don't you touch me, you Judith
-Iscariot!"
-
-"Oh, dear!" Julie wailed. She held our a hand. "I'll get a doctor, the
-one down the block. Don't do anything. I'll be right back." She started
-toward the door.
-
-"Tell him how it happened!" Marc called after her spitefully. "Tell him
-how you kicked your own husband in the...!"
-
-But the door slammed as Julie hurried out of the house and down the
-steps.
-
-Marc returned his hands gingerly to his pulsing bottom and stared
-gloomily at the floor.
-
-"Damn!" he said. "Damn, damn, damn!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The doctor strapped a final length of adhesive across Marc's back and
-helped him into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.
-
-"It may be tender for a day or two," he said. He helped Marc into his
-pajama coat. "You'll be all right, though. You can have Mrs. Pillsworth
-take that tape off for you at the end of the week."
-
-"I'll wear it to my grave," Marc snapped, "before I'll permit that
-woman to touch me again."
-
-"Now, now, Mr. Pillsworth," the doctor temporized. "You'll feel better
-in the morning." He turned and picked up his case. "I imagine those
-sedatives will take care of everything for tonight."
-
-"Thank you, doctor," Marc said gratefully, and sank back rigidly on the
-bed. Lying down, held stiffly by the tape, he was forced to watch the
-doctor from the corner of his eye.
-
-"Goodnight, doctor."
-
-"Goodnight." The doctor nodded from across the room and opened the door
-to leave. Julie was revealed wringing her hands in the hallway. She
-stepped forward.
-
-"How is he, doctor?" she asked. "May I see him now?"
-
-"Keep her out!" Marc growled from his pillow. "If she so much as sticks
-a hand in here I'll bite it!"
-
-The doctor took Julie's arm. "Don't worry," he said. "Everyone's a
-little neurotic these days." He guided her back into the hall and
-closed the door.
-
-Marc shifted his gaze from the door to the ceiling. The laughter of
-the Fredericks and their guests drifted in through the open window,
-and he reflected on its quality: it was the laughter of desperation,
-not abandoned. Then the scream of a fire siren sounded faintly in the
-distance, and a woman echoed the cry weirdly from somewhere down the
-block--another patient for the good doctor.
-
-Marc closed his eyes and waited for the sedatives to work. An echo of
-pain throbbed along his spine. He tried to shift a bit, but the tape
-held him in place, and the pain was only worse for the effort. He
-looked at the ceiling again and noted its singular blankness without
-pleasure. Finally he decided to turn his mind to other things--to
-the past and happier circumstances. Instantly, without any conscious
-cooperation, Toffee's pert face stirred in his memory. The ghost of a
-smile played at the corners of his mouth.
-
-Not that the thought of Toffee was undilutedly pleasant. The gamin
-creature of his mind had a strong predisposition for trouble as well as
-pleasure--a sort of special magnetism that drew calamity to herself as
-well as the hapless souls around her. And yet the basic feeling, when
-thinking of Toffee, was one of distinct cheer. If trouble came to her
-it was never altogether unmixed with a certain element of hilarity.
-There was always a dash of excitement at least.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Naturally Toffee had not been in Marc's mind at all these last few
-months. For one thing he had been much too concerned with the perilous
-state of the world, and Toffee, not a consistent inhabitant of this
-world, or much of any other, was difficult to picture in conjunction
-with truly worldly matters.
-
-If it could be said that Toffee lived at all, it would have to be the
-Valley of Marc's mind. Not that she wasn't quite real; it was just that
-she did not exist materially unless she was projected into the material
-world through Marc's imagination. After that she was as flesh and blood
-as anyone--indeed, to an almost overwhelming degree at times.
-
-If Marc had grown used to this strange circumstance--that his mind
-could actually create a living, breathing perfect hellion of a
-redhead--it was only by virtue of repetition. The human mind can adjust
-to the wildest of impossibilities in time, if it is only subjected to
-them often enough.
-
-The smile grew on Marc's lips as he considered the provocative form and
-features of Toffee. It was a vision to prod the sternest lips into a
-smile.
-
-Then the smile vanished as Julie's footsteps sounded outside in the
-hallway. Marc listened to their approach, turning his eyes toward the
-door.
-
-He could almost see her standing there in the hallway beyond the closed
-door. Desolated with remorse, she would be, undecided. A trickle of
-compassion gullied the surface of Marc's resentment. After all, she
-had really meant to hurt him. He would have called out to her, but the
-footsteps sounded anew and retreated down the hall. A moment later a
-door opened and closed. Marc sighed; tomorrow would be time enough to
-make it up to her.
-
-He closed his eyes as a slow drowsiness began to seep through his lean
-body--probably the sedatives going to work. His mind wandered aimlessly
-for a moment, then collided, quite forcibly, with a sudden realization;
-during the last hour--for the first time in weeks--his thoughts had
-turned away from the dismal state of the world and centered on himself.
-For a whole hour his interest had been entirely absorbed in a simple
-domestic crisis--a little thing like a fight over the radio!
-
-Marc's mind spun with the thought. In the last few months things--the
-matters of men's lives--had somehow gotten themselves all turned around
-backwards. People had ceased to concern themselves with the really
-important things--fighting over a radio, for instance--and had turned
-to the childish business of blowing up the world.
-
-Marc paused to sum up these thoughts. Somewhere they contained a very
-great and very simple truth, though they were all snarled up. Somehow
-his dislocated sacroiliac and the troubles of the world were subtly
-related....
-
-The drowsiness washed over his mind again, and the thought was carried
-away on the crest. He reached after them, but couldn't quite make it.
-There was but one last glimmer:
-
-"What this world needs," Marc murmured, "is a good five ton kick in
-the...."
-
-His eyes closed, and instantly his chest began to rise and fall with
-the deep, regular breathing of complete sleep.
-
- * * * * *
-
-A warm breeze dusted the edge of the curtain and set it rippling.
-Somewhere in the night, in the distance across the city, a siren wailed
-with inconsolable melancholy. A cat stalked the intersection, as silent
-and intense as his leopard-long shadow. In his narcotic slumbers Marc
-rolled a bit to one side and made a small whimpering sound as the
-adhesive pulled at his back. He lay back and was still.
-
-But Marc had dismissed all conscious memory of his injury some time
-hence. In the same moment when he had fallen asleep he had left the
-room of the rippling curtain and unhappy echoes and had passed into the
-untroubled, all-black world of unconsciousness.
-
-Now, however, he stirred again, and with that almost indiscernible
-movement, leaped from the darkness into lighter regions; into the
-secret, all-things-are-possible world of his subconscious--into the
-world where dreams can become more real than reality itself. Marc
-paused on the brink of this world for one tremulous moment, then
-plunged forward....
-
-Brilliant light shot up to meet him so that he had to close his eyes
-against the glare. Then, slowly, he opened them again. Much like the
-sensation of stepping onto cool lawn after having walked barefoot on
-scorching concrete, pain was swiftly followed by almost unbearable
-pleasure.
-
-Before Marc's gaze a soft greenness stretched away from him into
-graceful rising slopes and cool shadowed hollows--artfully like a
-display of green velvet in a shop window. On the rise of the most
-distant knoll stretched a forest of strange trees which held at once a
-cathedral of stateliness and a feathery pliability. Weaving slightly
-with the breeze they were mindful of nothing so much as a handful of
-royal plumes stuck into the earth at the whim of a bemused child. The
-Valley of The Subconscious Mind....
-
-Marc knew instantly where he was; he'd been there often enough before.
-He glanced around in search of some movement, some flash of animated
-color. But there was nothing. He started up the rise, stretching his
-long legs purposefully before him. Surely she would be there, probably
-among the trees.
-
-But she was not. Nor was there any sign of her. Marc moved to the crest
-of the knoll where the trees were the thickest, but the far horizon
-proved to be obscured by a blue mist that swirled and disported itself
-in the way of something alive. He stood there for a long moment,
-turning slowly, watching anxiously for any sign, but there was none.
-Finally he sat down, braced his elbows on his knees and rested his
-chin in his hand. Disappointment welled inside him--and hurt too;
-always before she had been right there to meet him at the moment of his
-arrival.
-
- * * * * *
-
-He stiffened with a sudden, dreadful thought: what if Toffee wasn't
-there at all? What if she had ceased to exist? Wasn't it possible
-since she was only a product of his imagination? He stood up and again
-scanned the horizon. He bent down to peer into the shifting frontiers
-of the mists.
-
-And then it happened. It was low and mean and sharply reminiscent of a
-similar agony which had befallen him in another time and place that he
-couldn't rightly remember. Grabbing himself uninhibitedly he doubled
-forward and sat down heavily on the ground.
-
-Then it was over as swiftly and surprisingly as it had begun. The air
-rippled with musical, feminine laughter, somewhere behind him. Marc
-swung around.
-
-Lovely as ever, her mist-textured tunic only served to cast a cool
-greenish tint on the flesh of the outrageously perfect body beneath
-it. As she moved from beneath the trees, her flaming hair fell loose
-about her shoulders, as free and wild as the spirit it adorned. Though
-her full red lips quivered with laughter, the real laughter was in the
-depths of her green eyes. She paused for a moment, then ran forward and
-sat down lightly at his side. She eyed him with mischievous amusement.
-
-"You dilapidated old despot," she smiled. "It's about time you showed
-that simpering old face of yours around here again."
-
-Marc, mindful of his recent discomfiture, returned her gaze with chilly
-suspicion. But if Toffee noticed she pretended not to. With a quick
-maneuver which was executed with the skill and precision obtainable
-only through long and diligent practice, she twined her arms about his
-neck and kissed him full upon the mouth. Marc received the kiss with
-unblinking aloofness. His gaze remained hostile even as she leaned back
-from him.
-
-"You kicked me," he said injuredly.
-
-Toffee's eyes widened with enormous innocence. "You've got it wrong. I
-kissed you, that's all."
-
-"Kicked," Marc said stubbornly. "You kicked me."
-
-"Where?"
-
-"Never mind."
-
-"I was yards away from you at the time," Toffee said. "You saw me,
-yourself."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc reflected. It was true; she hadn't even been in sight. Still,
-experience had taught him that she was capable of anything, perhaps
-even a long-distance boot in the bottom.
-
-"Well, somebody did it," he said sullenly.
-
-"I swear it wasn't me," Toffee said stoutly. "I swear it on the old
-bald head of my maternal grandfather."
-
-"You haven't got a maternal grandfather," Marc said shortly. "Don't
-talk nonsense."
-
-"If I had a maternal grandfather," Toffee amended smoothly, "and he had
-an old bald head, I would unhesitatingly swear on it."
-
-"You would just as unhesitatingly lop it off with an axe, too," Marc
-said, "if it served your purpose."
-
-"Who wouldn't?" Toffee said. "Who wants an old bald head around all the
-time? Even a maternal grandfather's?"
-
-"You haven't got a grandfather," Marc reminded her sharply, "maternal
-or otherwise."
-
-"Certainly, I have," Toffee said stoutly. "I just swore on his old bald
-head, didn't I? Or did I swear _at_ his old bald head? I wouldn't be
-surprised. He's always whining around about how maternal he is, and I
-know darned well he's never been a mother in his life. It's disgusting."
-
-"Sometimes I wonder why I even listen to you," Marc said. "I only get
-dizzy."
-
-"Well, it's no wonder I'm flighty with that nasty old man under foot
-all the time," Toffee said. "If you'd just speak to this maternal
-grandfather of mine and tell him to stop sticking his old bald head
-into everything...."
-
-"Stop!" Marc cried. "If you go on any more about it I'll start foaming
-at the mouth!"
-
-Toffee lay back on the grass and stretched her arms thoughtfully above
-her head.
-
-"Anyway," she said. "I swear my foot has not so much as brushed the
-seat of your pants." But even as she said it a smile played fleetingly
-at the corners of her mouth.
-
-Marc turned to her, prepared to the last inflection to inform her that
-he would trust her only a little less farther than he could hurl a
-steam shovel with his bare teeth, but he did not speak. His gaze went
-to her left hand and remained there.
-
- * * * * *
-
-In all the time he had known her Marc had never seen Toffee wear even
-a single piece of jewelry: it was taken for granted that her charms
-were sufficient unto themselves without any superficial ornamentation.
-One might be silly enough to apply gilt to a lily, but never to a gold
-piece. Therefore, he was surprised now to glance down and see quite a
-large ring on her finger.
-
-And the ring itself was quite as remarkable as the fact of Toffee's
-wearing it. Marc had never seen anything like it before and was willing
-to bet a tidy sum that no one else had either.
-
-The metal part of the ring was neither silver nor gold, yet faintly
-resembled both--with a strange translucent quality that seemed
-altogether unreal. It had been fashioned into a design that was both
-simple and beautiful. But it was really the stone which caught and held
-Marc's eye.
-
-Such a stone was simply not possible! It resembled an emerald of the
-largest, rarest and most beautiful kind, and yet it was not an emerald.
-No mere emerald, no natural chemical fluke, could possibly have the
-life--the almost living vitality--of this stone. It gave off a light
-that met the eye with something like an electrical shock. But that
-wasn't all. It was the _feeling_ you got just from looking at it--that
-the stone both absorbed from and contributed to the living atmosphere
-around it. The thing actually assumed a personality as you stared at
-it. Marc felt a shiver of apprehension.
-
-"Where did you get that ring?" he asked.
-
-"Oh, that," Toffee said negligently. "Just something I dreamed up out
-of my head--the way you dream me up."
-
-"You mean...?"
-
-"Sure," Toffee nodded. "You aren't the only one around here who can do
-cerebral somersaults. After all, I'm right here at the source. As a
-matter of fact it was something you said that gave me the idea."
-
-"What do you mean?" Marc asked. "What did I say?"
-
-"Oh, I forget just how it went right now," Toffee said. "Besides
-there'll be lots of time for all this dull conversation later. Right
-now...."
-
-"Are you trying to hold something back from me?" Marc asked
-suspiciously.
-
-"Nothing," Toffee said. She pulled herself closer, brushed her lips
-playfully across his cheek. "Absolutely nothing." She slipped her arm
-around his neck.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The next few seconds were characterized with quiet struggle as Marc
-disengaged himself from her determined embrace.
-
-"Next time hold something back," he said confusedly. "There's just so
-much that human flesh and blood can stand, you know."
-
-"And you have so little of either," Toffee said. She gazed at him
-reflectively. "Kissing you is like tying on your bib over a plate of
-bleached bones."
-
-"Leave it to you to paint a disgusting picture," Marc shuddered.
-
-"Give me a good heaping plate of bleached bones any time," Toffee said.
-"I'd prefer it."
-
-"May I remind you," Marc said coolly, "that it was you who hurled
-yourself into my arms? You seemed to be all for it at the time."
-
-"Merely the touch of the artist," Toffee said archly. "Just fitting
-myself into a part."
-
-"Have I ever thought to tell you," Marc said, "that you are the most
-unprincipled, low-minded...?"
-
-Then suddenly his voice dried in his throat. His gaze darted away from
-Toffee's face and swept frightenedly across the horizon.
-
-"Oh, my gosh!" he cried.
-
-Suddenly, like a slow dissolve in a movie, the little valley was simply
-melting away into black nothingness. Already the distant trees had
-disappeared. Marc jumped to his feet.
-
-"Look!" he yelled. "Look!"
-
-Toffee was instantly beside him. For a moment she gazed on the
-horrifying spectacle, then tugged imperatively at his sleeve.
-
-"Come on!" she cried. "Let's run!"
-
-But as they turned in the other direction the blackness only rushed at
-them anew; it was coming all around them. They stopped short.
-
-"Will we drop away into nothing?" Toffee wailed, "or just melt away
-with everything else?"
-
-"We'll find out soon enough," Marc moaned.
-
-And perhaps a bit sooner, it seemed, for even as Marc spoke, the
-darkness swooped to within yards of them.
-
-Toffee drew close to Marc, trembling a bit, and he placed his arm about
-her shoulders. They stood in expectant silence for a moment, watching
-the greenness disappear around them. Then, all at once, it was gone
-beneath them.
-
-It was just as they plunged downward into the darkness that Toffee
-threw her arms about Marc's neck and held tight....
-
- * * * * *
-
-The world reeled drunkenly through space ... whirled away with
-egg-shaped lopsidedness ... and then there was nothing left anywhere
-but the original dough from which everything had been made in the first
-place ... messy, clammy stuff ... and you sank deeper and deeper into
-it no matter how hard you struggled. Marc tried to cry out....
-
-And then there was an answer, a scraping of metal on metal. A light
-showed ahead, dulled and heavily diffused, but it came suddenly. A
-voice spoke encouragement....
-
-"Just a minute, and I'll dig you out. How you ever managed to get
-snarled up like that flat on your back...."
-
-The voice continued scolding him with affection, and a minute later the
-doughy mass was pulled aside, and he could see that it was only the
-perspiration-covered sheets. He looked at them, then beyond them to
-Julie's gently smiling face. Morning was crowding into the room through
-the windows behind her.
-
-"'Morning," he said sheepishly. "Thanks."
-
-In silence Julie handed him a glass of orange juice, and he boosted
-himself forward to drink it.
-
-"How's your ... your back?" she asked tentatively. "Is it better?"
-
-Marc returned the glass to her, tried a few movements involving his
-mummified spine. There was no definite pain, only a suggestion of
-stiffness.
-
-"Brand new," he said, and smiled.
-
-"Oh, I'm so relieved!" Julie breathed. She sat down close beside him on
-the bed. "I'm sorry, Marc."
-
-For a moment they only looked at each other. Then, suddenly breaking
-into laughter, they fell into each other's arms.
-
-"Oh, Marc!" Julie cried. "I haven't been so happy in months. I don't
-know why. Nothing's changed; everything's in the same old mess, and
-considering what I did to you last night I ought to feel just awful.
-But I don't, and I just can't explain it."
-
-"Maybe I can," Marc said slowly. "I think ... just before I fell asleep
-last night ... I think something very important occurred to me. I
-think...!"
-
-Suddenly his voice degenerated into a thin wheeze as the air rushed out
-of his lungs. He looked as though nothing of even minor importance had
-passed through his mind from the day of his birth. Julie looked up at
-him with anxious surprise.
-
-"What is it, dear?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
-
-Marc didn't answer; he only stared--into the mirror across the room.
-Even as he watched, the horrifying thing he had witnessed a moment
-before repeated itself.
-
-Across the room, almost exactly opposite the mirror was a small alcove,
-just big enough to accommodate his desk and filing cabinet. When the
-compartment was not in use a set of curtains concealed its existence.
-It was the reflection of these curtains and their sudden curious
-behavior which had set Marc's hair on end.
-
- * * * * *
-
-For curtains which were meant only to hang blissfully on metal rods
-and behave themselves, these were weaving about in a most distressing
-fashion. In fact they were carrying on in such a loose-minded way that
-it was a wonder Marc did not return his head to the cover of the soggy
-sheets and leave it there just to be spared the sight.
-
-As it was, Marc peered wildly into the mirror as the curtains suddenly
-parted themselves, took on individual lives of their own, and began to
-twist about in the air in a way that defied all reason. This continued
-for several seconds, then matters got worse.
-
-The curtain on the left retreated from the performance and hung
-limp. Marc sighed a sigh of relief, only to catch his breath in a
-new convulsion of horror. The curtain on the right, not content with
-behaving like something human, had decided to look like something human
-as well. Actually, in the manner of a close fitting dress, the thing
-began to assume bumps and hollows of an extremely feminine and alarming
-nature. It was then, and only a moment before a flash of red hair
-showed around the edge of the curtain, that Marc realized the awful
-truth of the situation; Toffee had materialized. She had materialized
-in his bedroom, without any clothes, and was trying to fashion a dress
-for herself from the draperies.
-
-"Darling!" Julie cried. "Why are you looking like that? What's the
-matter?"
-
-Julie's voice suddenly reminded Marc of the real danger in the
-situation. He glanced up, reached out and gripped Julie's shoulders
-just in time to prevent her turning about to see what he was staring at.
-
-"There's nothing wrong!" He laughed falsely. "Everything's wonderful!
-Wonderful! Go get me some breakfast!"
-
-"What?" Julie asked confusedly.
-
-But Marc's gaze had again been captured by a movement in the mirror. As
-he looked up Toffee's reflection smiled brightly at him and waved.
-
-"Stay where you are!" Marc gibbered. "Go back!"
-
-"What?" Julie asked.
-
-Marc looked at her unhappily. "I'm starving!" he gibbered. "Get me
-something to eat! I may start gnawing on the bedpost in a minute!"
-
-"But you just said for me to stay where I was. Why?"
-
-"Yes, yes, I know," Marc said. He smiled feebly. "What I mean is that
-I'm hungry and want breakfast, but I hate to see you leave to get it
-because ... because it's so nice to see you this morning...."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Julie smiled uncertainly and patted his head. "I'll get you something
-right away," she said. "But I'll hurry."
-
-"Oh, don't!" Marc said. "Take all the time you want!"
-
-Julie looked at him quizzically and started to rise from the bed.
-Unfortunately for everyone's peace of mind Toffee chose that moment to
-stick one shapely leg around the edge of the curtain.
-
-"Don't!" Marc yelled.
-
-Julie sat down quickly and reached a hand to Marc's brow. "But how can
-I get breakfast if I don't leave?" she asked patiently.
-
-Marc turned to her with an harrassed expression. "You can't!" he cried.
-"That's just it! So leave! Go on! Go 'way!"
-
-"What!" An expression of utter hopelessness came over Julie's face.
-
-"Go!" Marc said desperately. "Hurry!"
-
-Julie stared at him for a long moment. "Are you sure you aren't
-harboring some sort of terrible grudge against me for what I did last
-night?" she asked slowly. "I'll understand perfectly if...."
-
-"No, no, no!" Marc broke in. "I was never more fond of you than I am
-right at this minute. Go away."
-
-"All right," Julie said. "I'm going. But don't call me back this time
-the minute I make a move for the door."
-
-"I won't," Marc said. "I'll be silent as the grave."
-
-Julie leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the forehead, then started
-across the room toward the door. "I'll be back practically instantly."
-
-Quickly, Marc whirled around and stared in the direction of the alcove.
-As he did so the blood in his veins was sorely put to it whether to
-run hot or cold; Toffee, curve-some as a serpent and twice as fleshy,
-had stepped from behind the curtains and, at the moment, had arranged
-herself into a posture of highly seductive nature. This, judging by her
-expression, she considered humorous in the extreme. Not so, Marc.
-
-"No!" he cried. "Stop!"
-
-Julie did not bother to turn around; she merely stopped where she was
-in the doorway and placed her hands carefully on her hips. "Oh, no!"
-she groaned. "I've married a man who fancies himself a traffic signal!"
-
-"No!" Marc yelled. "Not you!"
-
-"Then who?" Julie asked with threadbare patience. "The twenty-seven
-little men with pointed heads sitting on the bureau? Is that who you
-mean, dearest?"
-
-"Just go!" Marc implored her. "Go!"
-
-"Stop, go, stop, go, stop go!" Julie shrilled. "I am not operated
-electrically. More's the pity!" Slowly she started to turn around to
-face her ever-changing spouse and--eventually--the nakedest redhead
-any wife ever had the sheer horror of discovering in her husband's bed
-chamber.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc felt fate bearing down on him in a way that made him understand
-the feelings of a deeply rooted daisy looking up at an approaching
-steam roller. He turned away and closed his eyes in the cowering aspect
-of one who expects to receive a load of brickbats on the nape of the
-neck. He stood, his nerves alerted against Julie's cry. There was a
-beat of silence--then it came.
-
-But it was not the cry that Marc had braced himself against. This cry
-was sharply out of character, not at all the triumphant cawe of a
-wronged wife laying hand to definite proof of her husband's perfidy.
-This was sheerly, unmistakably a cry of basic, physical pain.
-
-Marc opened his eyes and turned around, then started back with a gasp
-of surprise. Julie, the beauty who always walked in regal stateliness,
-whose every move and gesture was a masterpiece of living poetry, was
-suddenly squatting in the doorway, clutching at herself in a way which
-was not only ungainly but downright repellent.
-
-For a long moment surprise rendered Marc totally incapable of action.
-Then with a burst of logic and simultaneous realization, he whirled in
-Toffee's direction. Suddenly, this whole shuddering situation was all
-too clear to him.
-
-Toffee, now completely emerged from her place of hiding, turned and
-smiled at him in a conspiratorial and knowing way. Marc noticed that
-her left hand was raised significantly in Julie's direction, while the
-right was held over the face of the curious ring, as though shading it.
-
-He stared at her in horror; he couldn't imagine exactly what part the
-unearthly ring was playing in Julie's unlovely predicament, but he was
-absolutely certain that it was responsible to some degree or another.
-He was stunned beyond caution.
-
-"Stop that," he demanded angrily. "Stop that instantly!"
-
-Julie, still crouching in the doorway, her back to the room, trembled
-violently and turned her eyes to the ceiling.
-
-"Do you think I'm doing this because I like it?" she gritted between
-clenched teeth. "Do you actually imagine I wouldn't stop it if I could,
-you beast?"
-
-"Now, Julie...!" Marc turned about, held out an imploring hand to her
-arched back.
-
-"You shut up, you vindictive vermin!" Julie hissed, announcing her
-sentiments through the length of the outer hallway. "So you bear no
-grudge, huh? Hah! I'm only surprised you didn't break your back under
-the load!"
-
-"Julie...!" Marc pleaded. "You don't under...!"
-
-"No!" Julie broke in. "Oh, no! Don't you dare say I don't understand!
-And don't tell me I don't know when I've been brutally, wantonly and
-vengefully kicked from and in the rear!"
-
-"_Julie!_" Marc gasped. "I didn't kick you. I know it's hard to
-believe, but...."
-
-"You're darned tootin' it's hard to believe!" Julie sneered. "In fact
-it's impossible to believe, you liar!"
-
-"But...!"
-
-"Well, aren't you at least going to call the doctor? As inhuman as we
-both now know you to be, there must be some slim thread of decency
-somewhere in the tacky fabric of that character of yours."
-
-Marc turned beseechingly to Toffee.
-
-"Please," he implored her. "_Please!_ You're not helping matters, you
-know, in taking that attitude."
-
-"Ohhh!" Julie groaned. "I didn't take this attitude, I was kicked into
-it!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-With a bland smile Toffee nodded to Marc. Then carefully she removed
-her hand from the ring, and there was a bright glitter from its
-surface. Toffee winked broadly and stepped back into the alcove. In
-the doorway Julie straightened instantly and turned around, her hands
-clenched tightly at her sides. She stretched her back tentatively.
-
-"Well, I'm all right again," she announced heavily. "No thanks to you,
-Mr. Wife Kicker!"
-
-"Julie ..." Marc began, "you've got to listen to me!"
-
-"Oh, no, I don't!" Julie corrected him emphatically. "I don't have to
-listen to you. All I have to do is convince myself that I like that
-lamp over there too well to shatter it on your skull." Calming herself
-with an effort, she eyed him with controlled malevolence. She breathed
-deeply. "I think I can trust myself now not to run to the kitchen for
-the ice pick." She turned away. "Goodbye, Mr. Marcus Pillsworth!"
-
-"Julie...!"
-
-"And may your soul blister in everlasting hell!" Julie added as she
-swept out of the room and into the hallway.
-
-Marc stood undecided for a moment. He started toward the hall, then
-checked himself and spun around in the direction of the alcove. Two
-striding steps brought him to the drapes, and with a single sweeping
-gesture of outrage, raked them aside. Toffee was disclosed sitting on
-the edge of the desk, one leg crossed casually over the other, blowing
-on her nails. She glanced up and smiled innocently.
-
-"Lo," she said.
-
-"Why you slithering little reptile!" Marc barked. "Of all the witless
-stunts...!"
-
-Toffee waggled a slender finger at his costume. "Has anyone ever told
-you how cunning you look in those pajamas?" she murmured. "Are they
-ripped that way on purpose for ventilation?"
-
-With a seizure of modesty Marc snatched at the curtains and clutched
-them around him. He looked rather like a Roman senator with his toga
-slipping. Toffee laughed.
-
-"I thought that would put the muzzle on you, you old Puritan," she
-said.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc drew himself up to his full six feet and two inches, and eyed her
-with lofty disdain. "You're in a nice position to talk," he observed
-frigidly.
-
-"I'm in a nice position for a lot of things," Toffee sighed, "but you'd
-never notice."
-
-Marc cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "Don't be brazen," he
-said. "I would offer you these curtains if I didn't need them so
-desperately myself."
-
-"Always the perfect host," Toffee commented.
-
-"Never mind me," Marc said. "What about you? Whatever possessed you to
-do a thing like that?"
-
-"Like what?"
-
-"Oh, stop it," Marc said wearily. "It was perfectly evident that you
-were at the bottom of that little demonstration."
-
-"At the bottom?" Toffee laughed. "You put it so well. Unless you wanted
-to say I was at the seat of things."
-
-"There you go. Just give you a simple statement and you squeeze enough
-dirt out of it to start a truck farm." Marc agitated his drapes.
-"Either you tell me what you're up to or I'll stop projecting you if I
-have to belt myself over the head with a sledge hammer."
-
-Toffee smiled slowly. "I might as well make a clean breast of it," she
-said. "If the anatomical reference doesn't strike you as too racy?"
-
-"Never mind," Marc said shortly. "You wouldn't recognize a moral
-scruple if it were presented to you in a glass jar."
-
-"Very well," Toffee said. "Apparently you've guessed the function of
-my ring." She held up her hand and the fearsome ornament glittered
-brightly. "Actually the stone projects a ray which, in effect,
-sensitizes the bones and tissues of the human body, separates them
-slightly according to how long you time the concentration, and holds
-them apart. Maybe you noticed that Julie, just before her accident, was
-slightly taller than usual. Anyway, once you have the subject focused,
-it's only a matter of breaking the ray quickly with the other hand.
-Things, drawn apart and out of line snap back with such a force that
-the subject might just as well be struck with a hammer." She looked at
-Marc. "See what I mean?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-"I think so." Marc said slowly. "In other words you focused the
-radiation on the base of Julie's spine, drew ... uh ... things out
-of line, broke the suspending force suddenly, so that they jarred
-together with such momentum that they were thrown out of place ... the
-sacroiliac, in this case."
-
-"Exactly," Toffee said. "In effect, I simply gave your wife a good
-rousing kick in the...."
-
-"Croup," Marc supplied quickly.
-
-"In the croup," Toffee agreed. "And when I wanted her to get over it I
-merely pulled the ... things ... apart again, then released them more
-gently so as to return them to their proper adjustment."
-
-"But what I want to know," Marc said evenly, "is just what possessed
-you to demonstrate this diabolical little gadget on Julie?"
-
-"Two reasons," Toffee explained. "First to make sure the ring works the
-way I planned it, second to get Julie out of the way."
-
-"Get her out of the way?" Marc repeated apprehensively. "Now look
-here if you have any sordid notions about a dalliance on a divan, for
-instance...."
-
-"I always have those notions," Toffee said. "However at the moment I'm
-having them in conjunction with other notions." She smiled prettily.
-"I've come to straighten out the world."
-
-"You _what_?" Marc asked incredulously.
-
-"You will admit it needs straightening out?" Toffee asked complacently.
-
-"Well, yes," Marc said. "But believe me the one thing it doesn't need
-is your ministrations. It couldn't take it. And I wish you'd get rid of
-that filthy ring."
-
-"Why should I?" Toffee asked. "After all it was just as much your idea
-as mine."
-
-"My idea?" Marc said. "How do you figure that?"
-
-"You said it plain as anything," Toffee said, "last night, just before
-you went to sleep. You said the world needed a good swift kick."
-
-"Oh, my gosh!" Marc said. "And so you've...!" He pointed at the ring.
-
-Toffee nodded proudly. "I'm the girl that's right in there with the
-goods. Everything will be just dandy in no time."
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Oh, Lord!" Marc groaned. "Of all the things I've said in my life, you
-would have to pick on that!" He stopped, sighed heavily, looked at her
-long and wearily. "Well, you can just pack up your ring and your sex
-appeal and trot right back to where you came from. Of all the idiotic
-notions...!"
-
-"Huh-uh," Toffee shook her head. "It's an idea that appeals to me.
-Besides, if enough of the right people get kicked in the right
-places ... well, what have we got to lose?"
-
-"Also," Marc said coolly, "I don't believe I thanked you yet for
-wrecking my home. I take it that is a sample of your methods for
-establishing unity and good will?"
-
-"Good will?" Toffee smiled. "I have other methods for that." She slid
-off the edge of the desk and moved purposefully toward him.
-
-"You lay a hand on these drapes," Marc said nervously, "and I'll
-scream. I mean it! Julie is still here, you know."
-
-Just then, as though to deliberately make a liar of him, the front door
-slammed downstairs.
-
-"We are quite, quite alone," Toffee murmured significantly.
-
-"Go away!" Marc said, trembling in his draperies. "Go back where you
-came from. Heaven knows things are bad enough already...."
-
-"Oh, stop it," Toffee said. "We have business to attend to."
-
-"Business?"
-
-"Yes. As long as I've gotten myself all materialized to save the world
-I suppose I might just as well pitch in and get it over with. Business
-before pleasure, as they say. I figure I can have these world affairs
-you've been brooding over set ship-shape in less time than it takes
-a flat-chested girl to shuck on her girdle. Then I'll be free to
-concentrate on you without interruption."
-
-"No!" Marc said suddenly. "I don't know why I waste my time listening
-to this prattle. Save the world! Indeed! I'm taking you down to the
-office where you can't harm anyone and leave you there till you decide
-to evaporate. Both the world and I have enough headaches already."
-
-"You've dropped your drapes," Toffee observed mildly.
-
-"Hang the drapes!" Marc said forcibly and, taking a hitch in his
-gaping pajamas, strode into the bathroom ... and locked the door.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Driving, particularly toward the center of the city, had lately
-become hazardous; the motorist never knew what insanity awaited him
-just around the next corner. At an intersection Marc stopped the car
-before a group of white-haired, bonneted old ladies who were gleefully
-engrossed in a game of croquet that had something to do with knocking
-your opponent's ball into an open manhole. At the sound of Marc's horn
-one of the aged gamesters glanced around demurely and peered at him
-through silver-rimmed glasses.
-
-"Can it, you creep," she shrilled. "You wanna louse my shot?"
-
-She might have said more except that her attention was suddenly drawn
-to the manhole, where the grimy head of a workman rose slowly like a
-soiled and rather timid moon. Lifting her skirts delicately so that
-only the minimum of ankle was exposed the lady minced daintily forward
-and belted the head a stunning blow with her mallet. Without a murmur
-the head retreated once more into the deeps of the city sewage system.
-
-"Danged whelp keeps poppin' up and spoilin' our innocent fun," the old
-lady said sullenly. "Does it just to aggravate us." She turned to one
-of her companions. "Shag me the bottle, Lana."
-
-The lady in question produced a bottle of bourbon from the folds of her
-skirt. "Right-o, Rita," she said. "Blood in your eye!"
-
-Marc shook his head sadly, but Toffee, huddled beside him in one of his
-topcoats, saw a certain charm in the sketch.
-
-"Personally," she said, "I like to see folks growing old disgracefully.
-It makes the inevitability of age more attractive. After a lifetime of
-perfecting sins and vices you ought to be able to take them with you at
-least as far as the grave."
-
-Passing by this bit of lopsided philosophy, Marc wheeled the car onto
-the sidewalk and skirted the field of play.
-
-"The whole world's gone mad," he murmured.
-
-It was a block later, at the sight of the Empire Department Store, that
-Toffee instructed Marc to stop the car.
-
-"I want to pick up a few fine feathers," she explained. "I may want to
-take a flier later on."
-
-"You won't need clothes," Marc informed her. "The office is most
-informal these days, especially since the staff has left."
-
-"If I'm going to languish," Toffee said, "I'm going to do it in silks
-and satins. Besides, if you don't stop I'll darned well cripple you
-with my jewelry."
-
-Marc pulled the car to the curb without further discussion.
-
- * * * * *
-
-They left the car and entered the Empire, where aisles and counters
-stretched into the distance over gleaming floors. A dark girl with
-circles under her eyes lounged dreamily at a counter displaying gloves
-and handbags. They approached. But just as they did so a short, stocky
-individual in a turtle-neck sweater hurried up to the girl from the
-opposite direction. He stopped abruptly and stuck a revolver in the
-girl's face, waggling it just beneath her nose. Crossing her eyes
-drowsily, the girl observed the gun, then the man.
-
-"Oh, fer Cris'sake," she murmured.
-
-"Hand over the cash, sister," the man growled.
-
-"Okay," the girl yawned. "Only don't rush me, see?" She reached under
-the counter and brought forth a bag such as money is kept in. She
-scratched herself delicately and dropped the bag on the counter. "I
-figured I'd have it ready this time," she said. "Anything else, sir?"
-
-"Yeah," the thug snarled, brandishing the gun anew. "Now lay down on
-the floor and don't open your trap until I'm gone."
-
-"Aw, that corny routine, huh?" the girl sneered.
-
-"G'wan!"
-
-The girl shrugged indifferently, then boosted herself away from the
-counter and disappeared slowly beneath its horizon. The thug departed
-in the direction of the street.
-
-For a moment Marc and Toffee were left to ponder this episode in
-solitude, then the girl slowly reappeared, leaned her elbows on the
-counter. She swiveled her bored eyes in their direction apathetically.
-
-"Yuh want something?" she drawled.
-
-"Aren't you going to scream or something?" Toffee asked with quiet
-curiosity.
-
-"Scream?" the girl asked. "What'd I want to scream for?"
-
-"Well," Toffee said. "It may be that I'm just the excitable type, but
-if I'd just been robbed I'd sound off like a crash alarm."
-
-"Oh, that," the girl murmured. "That wasn't nothing, honey. Take a look
-over there."
-
-Marc and Toffee gazed in the direction she indicated--a counter laden
-with expensive handbags. As they looked a hand darted furtively from
-beneath the counter, grasped one of the bags and instantly disappeared
-again. A moment later the action was repeated.
-
-"What in the...?" Marc said.
-
-"A purse snatcher," the girl said. "He's good, too. He can clean out a
-whole counter in half an hour sometimes."
-
-"Don't you care?" Toffee asked.
-
-"I should care," the girl shrugged. "They're stealin' the store blind
-from end to end. What's the diff? What's the store going to do with
-money when it's blasted off the face of the earth?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Toffee and Marc, before they had had time to digest this, were diverted
-by a small movement at the end of the counter. The face of the thug who
-had presumably just departed appeared briefly from behind a display of
-gloves.
-
-"_Psst!_" it said.
-
-"The place is infested!" Toffee said.
-
-"Excuse me," the salesgirl said, "I'll be right back. If you see
-anything you like just slip it into your stocking, honey." She ambled
-over to the glove display. "Yeah?" she inquired.
-
-The face was joined by a hand bearing the money bag.
-
-"Here," he said, "I din' take nothin' outa it."
-
-"Don't you want it?" the girl asked.
-
-"Let's do it over again," the thug said. "Only this time give it a
-little somethin', will yuh? Scream and carry on a little bit so's I can
-get the feel of it better."
-
-"Oh, okay," the girl said listlessly. She accepted the bag and returned
-to Marc and Toffee. "Whatta pest," she said. "All day all he does is
-hold me up, that's all, just hold me up. I get tired of it."
-
-"Doesn't the manager mind this sort of thing?" Marc asked.
-
-"Geez, no," the girl said. "The manager don't mind anything any more.
-Why should he? He'll cork off just as fast as the janitor when the
-bombs drop."
-
-At this juncture the thug stepped from behind the glove display, waving
-his gun excitedly.
-
-"This is a stickup!" he announced.
-
-"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the girl murmured. "What else?"
-
-"Go on an' scream," the bandit said in a lower tone. "You said you
-would. You promised."
-
-"So okay," the girl agreed. She turned to Marc and Toffee. "You see how
-it is--borin'." Then she threw back her head and gave vent to a shriek
-that echoed back from the high ceiling with all the painful discord of
-a trainload of jealous opera stars going through an underpass in full
-voice. When it was over she leaned back on the counter and stifled a
-yawn. "So was it okay?" she asked.
-
-"Not bad," the bandit said admiringly. "Now hand over the dough and git
-down on the floor!"
-
-"Aw, have a heart," the girl said. "I've been down on the floor so much
-today I'm beginning to feel like a dust mop." She nodded to Marc and
-Toffee. "Make them get down on the floor for a change."
-
-The thug glanced around, then quickly away. "I couldn't!" he whispered.
-"They're total strangers!"
-
-"Take the money and git," the girl said. "And don't come bringin' it
-back, 'cause I'm through for today. I'm bushed."
-
-"Okay," the thug said. "Okay. You don't have to get sore about it!"
-Drawing himself up, he departed in a huff of indignation.
-
-"Now," the girl said. "What was it you wanted?" But just then the
-hand of the purse snatcher eased up to the counter and started edging
-toward her. She reached out and dealt it a stinging blow. "Sometimes
-he takes it into his head to pinch some things that ain't purses," she
-explained. "A girl's got to keep an eye on the shifty little devil or
-she might get the shock of her life."
-
-"Where could we find the manager of the store?" Marc asked. "I think if
-we talked to him directly...."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Just then from across the store came the fearsome sound of steel jaws
-closing with a vicious snap, this accompanied by the clatter of chains
-and a blood-chilling shriek of pain.
-
-"That's the manager now," the girl said unconcernedly. "I guess Dolly's
-got him trapped again. I'd know his scream anywhere."
-
-"Trapped?" Toffee asked.
-
-"Yeah. Over in the sport's department. Last week she got him in a lion
-snare, but I guess she's back to her bear traps this week. They cripple
-him up so he can't get away so fast."
-
-"This Dolly," Toffee said. "She bears the manager ill will?"
-
-"Oh, no," the girl said. "She's crazy about him. She's been after him
-for years and never got anywhere at all. I guess she figures time's
-runnin' out."
-
-"And this sport's department," Toffee asked. "They have a department
-just for sports? I mean, is this manager considered a sport?"
-
-"He's game," the girl said. "Let's put it that way. The sports
-department is where they sell equipment."
-
-"At least this Dolly suits the locale to the action," Toffee said.
-
-Just then the atmosphere was rent with another bellow of agony.
-
-"Come on," Marc said. "The poor devil needs help."
-
-"Be careful," the girl called after them as they started away. "He's
-mean when he's cornered. Snarls and spits like a mad badger. And that
-Dolly, she's been mean all her life."
-
-Marc and Toffee hurried to the sports section and stopped at the
-entrance with a gasp of dismay. At the far end of the department a
-camping display was being utilized for a scene of mad action.
-
-A young man of immaculate and personable countenance, one foot held
-fast between the jaws of a mammoth bear trap, was energetically
-distorting his features and making loud sounds of dissatisfaction.
-
-The cause of his predicament, a large, athletic, sharp-featured
-female, wearing tortoise shell glasses and tennis shorts, stalked him
-from behind a teepee. She was carrying a baseball bat, and a mad light
-glittered in her eyes. It would have been apparent to even a retarded
-child with a disturbed psyche that the young man's chances were slim.
-
-As Toffee and Marc watched, the young lady with the glasses leered
-evilly from around the edge of the teepee and flourished her bat in a
-few practice swipes.
-
-"Ho-ha!" she cried with primitive triumph. "So I've got you at last,
-you stinker!" She paused to cackle fiendishly to herself. "You won't
-get away this time. I'm going to pound that thick coco of yours so hard
-you won't wake up for centuries. And when you wake up--you know what?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The young man, who had ceased to snarl at the beginning of this
-overwrought recital, looked around apprehensively. "No," he said.
-"What?"
-
-"You are going to find yourself married, wed, hitched, spliced, mated,
-united, espoused, wived, coupled, joined and made one with me. You are
-going to be mine in twenty-three languages, in fifteen churches, ten
-civil ceremonies and a couple of uncivil ones I just thought up myself.
-How do you like them apples, Mr. Smart-stuff?"
-
-"No!" the young man yelped, reaching for the jaws of the trap. "No!
-Never!"
-
-"Let go of that trap!" the girl yelled. "I'll lop your ears off just
-for the sheer hell of it!"
-
-"We'd better lend a hand here," Marc said. "She'll kill him with love."
-
-"I can't help admiring her frank, forthright manner," Toffee said. "And
-you can't deny that her intentions are almost too honorable. But I can
-see where a man might consider her undainty, especially the choosy
-kind." Marc started forward, but she reached out a hand and drew him
-back. "I'll take care of this," she said. She raised her hand and faced
-the ring in the direction of the infuriated Amazon.
-
-"Hurry up!" Marc said. "Shoot the current to her before she mashes him
-to a pulp!"
-
-Toffee carefully surveyed the scene of primitive love run amok.
-The assault on the hapless manager, no longer merely imminent, was
-developing rapidly into a crashing reality. The love-crazed Dolly had
-risen to her toes and hunched forward to gain the maximum devastation
-from the blow.
-
-"Hurry!" Marc said, and Toffee drew her hand down sharply over the
-face of the ring. The results in addition to being instantaneous were
-staggeringly bizarre.
-
-The stalking murderess abandoned her batting stance with a cry and
-straightened up throwing her hands over her head. The bat, gaining its
-freedom all of a rush sailed high in the air and fell to the floor with
-a crash. Dolly, as suddenly as she had righted herself, fell into a
-tormented crouch and hugged her bottom with both arms in a fair fit of
-devotion to the awful thing. Her glittering eyes seemed to spin wildly
-in their sockets, and she clenched her teeth in a manner suggesting
-that she had bitten into a high voltage socket and was prepared to blow
-a whole bin full of fuses.
-
-"_Yeeeee-ow!_" she yelled in shrill tones.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The captive manager, having devined from the tone of Dolly's voice
-that the skull-splitting project had run into a snag, opened his eyes
-and glanced around hopefully. One peek, however, and his expression
-underwent a change, so that he looked for all the world like a young
-man who would have preferred immeasurably having his skull crushed to
-being confronted in this awful way with a crouching, teeth-gritting
-female who beyond any question of a doubt was preparing to spring upon
-him and rend him limb from limb with her bare fangs. He shuddered
-visibly and looked away. His lips quivered over prayers for an easy
-deliverance of his immortal soul. Toffee and Marc hurried forward to
-reassure him.
-
-Once the young man was released, he mopped his brow, glanced around
-with a sigh, and instantly spotted the fact that there remained
-something in the situation to be explained.
-
-"What's the matter with her?" he asked of his erstwhile captor. "Why is
-she all hunkered down like that?"
-
-"Either she's a hard loser," Toffee murmured, "or she needs more
-roughage. It's hard to say at a glance." She made a quick surreptitious
-pass at her ring, and the girl in question fell back limply on the
-false grass before the teepee.
-
-"Who prodded me with a riveting machine?" she asked belligerently.
-
-"I wish I had," the manager said, rubbing his ankle. He looked at the
-trap. "Damn thing's got a nasty bite. I tell you if I were a bear I'd
-be very careful around those things."
-
-"You can't blame a girl if she's got ingenuity," Dolly said sullenly.
-"I almost got you, too, you slippery devil."
-
-"You're fired," the manager said loftily.
-
-"Oh, yeah?" Dolly said. "I don't quit, see? I haven't even tried guns,
-knives, hand grenades, bayonets, hand-to-hand combat and mousetraps
-yet. I'm starting in on light side-arms tomorrow."
-
-"Look," Marc said to the manager. "The young lady would like something
-to wear. We're in a hurry. I've got to get back home...."
-
-"Fine," the manager said. "I was on my way to the fashion salon when
-this morbid little affair befell me. I'm to meet Congressman Bloodsop
-there, too; he wanted to sit and look at the models. Come along."
-
-And the three of them left, leaving the luckless Dolly thoughtfully
-testing the blade of a machete with the tips of her fingers.
-
-"You see?" Toffee said to Marc. "You see how easily differences can be
-settled under the proper guidance?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The salon, it turned out, was on the fifth floor of the Empire. On the
-way the manager paused briefly in the silver department to confer with
-a small, detached looking lady called Miss Winters.
-
-"Things going well?" he asked.
-
-"Oh, divinely!" Miss Winters twittered. "Just like magic. They're
-simply cleaning out the department."
-
-"Bolting the meat and picking the bones, eh?" the manager beamed.
-"Stealing everything in sight, are they?"
-
-"Oh, just!" Miss Winters nodded. "To give them encouragement, every so
-often I close my eyes and feign deep concentration. Every time I open
-my eyes the place looks just a little more like a desert wasteland."
-
-"Just blinking away the merchandise, so to speak?"
-
-"How cleverly you put it, Mr. Baker! You always were the one with the
-well-turned phrase, though." She colored prettily at her own boldness.
-"How would you like to hear that we've lost better than twenty thousand
-dollars just since opening this morning?"
-
-"Splendid!" Mr. Baker said. "Splendid! Just keep up the good work, Miss
-Winters, and we'll be out of business in no time at all." As he turned
-away he smiled broadly at Marc and Toffee. "The sooner we unload all
-this junk the sooner we can close up and await the end with composure.
-As a matter of fact the advertising department has devised a little
-slogan: Steal at the Empire Before you Roast in Hellfire! Clever, eh?"
-
-"Frightfully," Toffee said, "in the strictest sense of the word."
-
-"Good grief," Marc said. "They're so used to the idea of dying, they're
-getting flip about it."
-
-"Maybe it's all for the best," Toffee said. "At least their last days
-will be pleasant."
-
- * * * * *
-
-In the grey coolness of the fashion salon, Toffee, Marc and Mr. Baker,
-the manager, sank into low, comfortable chairs and accepted the
-services of a dark, aloof young lady who brought them drinks in tall,
-cool glasses. An orchestra played muted background music as from a
-misted distance. All in all the salon was a den of pleasant relaxation.
-
-Girls of all types and unparalleled beauty paraded constantly in the
-latest words from the fashion centers of the world. Some of the fashion
-designers, Toffee concluded approvingly, were given to very brief and
-suggestive words. She also noted--again with approval--that most of
-those in attendance were males.
-
-"They come here to make dates with the models," the manager explained.
-"But then the models come here to make dates with the men, so it's all
-right. I see Congressman Bloodsop hasn't arrived yet."
-
-Toffee leaned forward interestedly. "The congressman?" she said. "Tell
-me, is this Congressman Bloodsop a man of influence? Does he have
-connections in high places?"
-
-Marc interrupted the answer. "Pick out some clothes and let's leave,"
-he said impatiently. "I have to get home and start looking for Julie."
-
-"That can wait," Toffee said airily. She turned back to Mr. Baker with
-a smile. "You were saying...?"
-
-"The congressman has the best of connections," he said. "He's only been
-in office six months and he's already bilked the nation of millions."
-
-"I see," Toffee said thoughtfully. "And if you were me and were picking
-out a dress that would interest Congressman Bloodsop what kind would
-you choose?"
-
-"Something unobtrusive," the manager said. "Nothing to obscure the
-view."
-
-"I see," Toffee said. "The old gaffer has an eye out?"
-
-"Both eyes. And so far out you could tick them off with a match."
-
-"Something of a rounder, eh?"
-
-"Everything of a rounder."
-
-"Sounds almost too easy," Toffee mused.
-
-"Here, now," Marc broke in. "What are you up to?"
-
-"Nothing," Toffee said with great innocence. "A girl likes to make a
-good impression on persons of importance." She pointed to the model
-across the room who was displaying, besides quite a lot of epidermis, a
-dress made of a vaporish material which had been cut with an extremely
-frugal hand--almost grudging. "That dress--could I have that one?"
-
-"Oh, that's a dinger, isn't it?" the manager said approvingly. "You
-might say it was practically made for Congressman Bloodsop." He brought
-the model over with a nod of the head.
-
-"Madam wishes to see the dress?" the girl asked.
-
-"Madam wishes to see the dress on madam," Toffee said. "The sooner the
-better."
-
-"You got guts, honey," the model said. "And you'll need them, too, to
-keep this thing up."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The two of them adjourned to the dressing rooms and Toffee returned a
-moment later, the very picture of the most recent thing in scandalous
-_chic_. She joined Marc and Mr. Baker and took her place between them.
-
-"How do you like it?" she asked Marc.
-
-"You'd be more modest in a plastic shower curtain," Marc said. He
-boosted himself forward. "Come on."
-
-"I want to meet the congressman," Toffee said. And even as she spoke a
-portly gentleman with a ruddy face and almost theatrically white hair
-appeared in the entry and started forward. "And I think I'm about to."
-
-At the manager's limp wave, Congressman Orvil Bloodsop, the
-accomplished absconder of public funds, presented himself before the
-company. His eyes, true to forecast, registered a lively appreciation
-at the sight of Toffee. He nodded perfunctorily to Marc.
-
-"These are some people I met in sporting goods," the manager said. "I
-haven't the least idea what their names are--or if they have any at
-all. They can tell you, if they think it's wise."
-
-"What's in a name?" the congressman said with hackneyed gallantry.
-He got himself a chair and wedged it deftly between Toffee's and the
-manager's. "It's the ... uh ... heart that counts, eh?" He settled
-himself with a snort. "I don't believe I've ever seen you around
-before, dear. Where are you from?"
-
-Toffee lowered her lashes with artful mystery. "A long way away," she
-said huskily.
-
-"Stop that," Marc said. "Stop sounding like a movie vamp with a bad
-cold and come on."
-
-"I have things to discuss with the congressman, haven't I, Congressman
-Bloodsop?"
-
-"Why, of course, dear," the congressman said, leering at the things he
-hoped she referred to.
-
-"What things?" Marc asked crudely.
-
-"You'll see," Toffee said. "Enjoy the passing scenery." She turned back
-to Congressman Bloodsop. "I hear you've got some wonderful connections."
-
-"Some of the best, dear."
-
-"In Washington?"
-
-"Straight up to the President," Orvil Bloodsop boasted. "All the way
-up."
-
-"The President?" Toffee said. "Who's that?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The congressman looked at her twice to make sure she wasn't joking.
-"Why the President is Lemons Flemm," he said. "You know that. But
-perhaps you remember Lemons when he was a television comedian. That's
-how Lemons got elected, you know.
-
-"During campaign time Lemons' sponsor refused to give up his air time
-for the candidates speeches. As a result everyone was trying to watch
-Lemons and the candidates at the same time, and they got confused.
-When they counted the votes, Lemons was elected.
-
-"And he's made the most entertaining president we've ever had. Taxes
-up one day and down the next. Anything for a laugh. Anything and
-everything goes."
-
-"I see," Toffee said. "This comedian, then, is at the head of the
-government?"
-
-"Right on the top of the heap. However, if any of us ever live to
-see another election I doubt that Lemons will be reelected. It seems
-that during the campaign there were a lot of people who thought the
-candidates were a lot funnier than Lemons."
-
-"But this Lemons Flemm is running things?"
-
-"A mile a minute," Orvil Bloodsop nodded.
-
-"Then if someone were in possession of a really decisive secret weapon
-he'd be the man to contact, wouldn't he?"
-
-"I doubt if he'd be interested," the congressman said. "Secret weapons
-have been done to death lately. Everyone's sick of them."
-
-"Suppose this were something that gets in there where it does the most
-good and really makes itself felt?" Toffee asked anxiously.
-
-"Something to make 'em rare back and take notice, huh?"
-
-"Exactly."
-
-"I see," the congressman said. "Then you're a foreign spy, aren't you,
-selling out the old country? You've already said you were from far
-away. Tell me, how do you like our little country?"
-
-"Love it," Toffee said. "That's why I want so badly to meet your
-President." She crossed her legs carefully, and no part of the movement
-was overlooked by the congressman.
-
-"I see," he said. "You want to get up in the world where the bidding is
-high?"
-
-"That's the idea," Toffee said. "Sort of wriggle my way into the
-affairs of state, so to speak."
-
-"Brings to mind an exciting picture," the congressman commented. "Of
-course the best way to crash Washington society is to be investigated
-by the Congress. You may not believe it, dear, but we've made some
-of the very best international figures. But it's difficult to be
-investigated, especially for a spy like yourself, with credentials and
-all. That's too easy, and we have to concentrate on the more difficult
-cases--our personal enemies, for instance. However, a girl with
-your--uh--attributes might prove of sufficient diversion to warrant
-special attention."
-
-"This Congress," Toffee said. "What is it?"
-
-"Oh, just a body of men."
-
-"Really!" Toffee's interest shot ahead like an arrow discharged from a
-sixty pound bow. "I would be investigated by this body of men?"
-
-"Minutely, honey," the congressman assured her. "And from every angle."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Toffee was almost beside herself with anticipation; she almost forgot
-the purpose at hand. "I'll kill 'em," she said. She composed herself.
-"Could you arrange to have me hauled up for investigation?"
-
-"Well ... I wouldn't do it for just anyone, you know."
-
-"But you would for me, wouldn't you? Don't forget; I do have a secret
-weapon."
-
-"I'm not forgetting," the congressman murmured. "No, indeed. However,
-I'll have to convince the Congress that you're a substantial menace."
-He was thoughtful for a moment. "I think I'll call the Congressman from
-Idaho and say that you've been insulting his wife. I think something
-can be worked out." He rose.
-
-"Just a minute," Toffee said. "There's just one more thing; include my
-friend, Mr. Pillsworth. Say he's been insulting Texas."
-
-"Well...." the congressman hesitated.
-
-"Please," Toffee cooed. "He might get his feelings hurt if we left him
-out."
-
-"Well, okay," the congressman agreed, and left.
-
-Seeing that there was an opening, Marc edged closer. "Is the
-congressman leaving?" he asked.
-
-"He'll be right back," Toffee said pleasantly. "He's gone off to
-arrange something for me."
-
-"What?" Marc said evenly. "Just what has he gone off to arrange?"
-
-"Oh, just a little investigation."
-
-"What kind of an investigation?"
-
-"He mentioned something called Congress," Toffee said. "I think it's
-some kind of a club he belongs to."
-
-"A Congressional investigation?"
-
-"Uh-huh," Toffee nodded. "I believe those were his very words."
-
-"Who's going to be investigated?"
-
-Toffee smiled the sublimely innocent smile of one of heaven's nicer
-angels. "Me," she announced, "and you."
-
-"_What!_" Marc jumped to his feet as though he'd been wrenched by a
-pulley. "Why you...! What did you tell that old idiot?"
-
-"Nothing really," Toffee said. "I just told him I had a secret weapon,
-and he assumed the rest. He's including you as a personal favor."
-
-"Dear God in heaven!" Marc yelped. "Let's get out of here before he
-comes back!"
-
-"Oh, no!" Toffee cried. "I have to wait and see if he could arrange it."
-
-"Come on!" Marc said, taking her by the arm and dragging her out of her
-chair. "Where'd he go? We'll go the other way."
-
-"I must say I don't understand your attitude," Toffee said woundedly,
-following him into the entry. "After I worked like a demon to charm
-the daffy old vulture...."
-
-"_Just_ like a demon!" Marc said hotly. "_Exactly_ like a demon! You
-take the words from my mouth."
-
-"And I should dip them in cyanide and put them right back!" Toffee
-said. "I suppose it hasn't penetrated your blunted intelligence that
-I'm only trying to do something to help save this preposterous world of
-yours."
-
-"I see," Marc said. "You propose to save the world by ruining me.
-That makes such brilliant sense it fairly blinds me." By now they
-had reached the outer hallway and were covering space rapidly in the
-direction of the elevators.
-
-"I'm not going to stand for it!" Marc said testily. "And that's my
-message to you." He stopped before the elevators and placed his finger
-firmly to the button. "If you think I'm going to allow my life to be
-governed by the noxious fermentations of that fluttering mind of
-yours ... you're wrong!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Toffee parted her lips for an angry reply, but just then the door
-across the hall opened, and Congressman Bloodsop appeared on the scene.
-His ruddy face was wreathed with smiles.
-
-"Ah, there you are!" he boomed expansively. "Well, the news is good
-tonight. You're to be investigated tomorrow. I'm to take you into
-custody right now, and there'll be a couple of government boys to
-guard you. You're to stay at my home under guard tonight, and we'll
-fly up to Washington in the morning for the festivities." He swayed
-back on his heels in a seizure of self-appreciation. "Fast action, eh?"
-
-"Mr. Bloodsop...!" Marc sputtered. "Mr. Bloodsop...!"
-
-But the congressman held up a hand. "No need to thank me, boy," he
-said. "It's nothing to pull a few strings for friends."
-
-"Mr. Blood...!"
-
-Just then the elevator doors slid back to disclose Dolly, the
-impassioned wild-gamester, struggling with the stringy vagaries of an
-enormous tuna net. She staggered forward and paused to disentangle a
-cork float from the door latch. Then, hunched forward under her burden,
-she started determinedly toward the salon.
-
-"On the scent again already?" Toffee inquired amiably.
-
-Dolly stopped and peered back over her muscular shoulder. "Uh-huh," she
-panted. "Only this time I've got a switcheroo for the sonofagun. This
-time I not only toss him into the trap but fling myself in after him."
-She winked. "Get it?"
-
-"In detail," Toffee said. She turned to Marc. "Isn't it nice to meet
-a girl who knows her own mind--even when it's cracked seven ways to
-Sunday?"
-
-"You should know," Marc glowered. "You should damned well know, you
-little heller."
-
-Congressman Bloodsop's study was a mammoth vault paneled solidly with
-the finest oak that purloined money could buy. It was vast-ceilinged
-and set solidly at one end with leaded windows of a thousand panes.
-Beyond the windows, like a magazine illustration, one could see formal
-gardens softened with twilight. To Toffee's mind it fairly stank with
-class.
-
- * * * * *
-
-From the depths of her leather-covered chair, she lowered her coffee
-cup to the table and observed the spectacle of Congressman Bloodsop
-sitting like a high magistrate behind a kennel-sized mahogany desk.
-
-"Do the guards _have_ to stay outside in the hallway?" she asked.
-"Won't they be lonesome?"
-
-"A matter of form, dear," the congressman said. "Looks good. Besides,
-I've told the maid to give them tea."
-
-Marc standing beside the fireplace stirred with agitation. "Mr.
-Bloodsop...!"
-
-The congressman raised his eyes with slow patience. "Young man," he
-said evenly. "Is there something the matter with you? What is this
-curious compulsion of yours to rasp my name every few minutes? If you
-have something to say, say it."
-
-"Yes, Marc," Toffee said sweetly. "Don't let the congressman think
-you're dull."
-
-Marc choked, presumably with emotion. "I only wanted to inquire just
-why I can't use the telephone to try to find my wife?" he said in a
-strained voice.
-
-"Another matter of form," the congressman said. "Good heavens, man, do
-you really care so much to find your wife? It's the most extraordinary
-thing I've ever heard of. I must remind you that you and the young lady
-now constitute a matter for official inquiry."
-
-Marc clenched his fists tight at his sides. "Oh, Christ!" he wailed.
-
-"At least he's shouting for someone else for a change," the congressman
-said complacently. "An erratic type. Subversives usually are, though.
-Next he'll be calling for Phillip Morris."
-
-"Poor Marc," Toffee put in appealingly. "He just can't bring himself to
-view the end of civilization with the same happy composure the rest of
-us do. It upsets him."
-
-"No use fighting the inevitable," the congressman said. "When the whole
-country has gone gypsy, you might just as well snatch up your skirts,
-so to speak, and join in the innocent merriment."
-
-"Seems a trifle fatalistic," Toffee said. "Sometimes I rather agree
-with Marc that you owe it to yourself to resist to the end ... even if
-it's only an attitude. It seems more ... human ... somehow."
-
-"Thank you for that much," Marc said with heavy irony. "At least my
-attitude pleases you."
-
-"Welcome, I'm sure," Toffee murmured, then turned back to the
-congressman. "Tell me, congressman, just who is it that's going to do
-all this bomb dropping anyway? I haven't heard any name mentioned yet."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The congressman gazed at her. "You mean you're not really one of them,
-after all? You're with another interest?"
-
-"A private concern, you might say," Toffee said.
-
-"Well, it's a good thing we're investigating you then," the congressman
-said. "One does like to know who's killing one, you know. It gives you
-a clue whom to curse with your dying breath."
-
-"But getting back to these others," Toffee said, "who is it? What
-country, I mean?"
-
-"Why, You Know Where, of course," the congressman said.
-
-"I beg your pardon?"
-
-"You Know Where, who else?"
-
-"Did someone put something in my coffee," Toffee asked, "or are you
-just being terribly coy about this thing?"
-
-"I'm not being coy at all, damm-it," the congressman said. "You Know
-Where is the country."
-
-"Good grief," Toffee said, "now he's lapsing into baby talk. Very well,
-congressman, if you can't bring yourself to tell me the name of the
-country in a straightforward manner, perhaps you'll just mention the
-man who's at the head of it. Just as a hint."
-
-"You Know Who," the congressman said flatly.
-
-For a long moment there was silence as Toffee gazed toward the gardens
-with apparent serenity.
-
-"All right, congressman," she said presently. "Just forget the whole
-thing. Forget I even mentioned it."
-
-"Come here," the congressman said, drawing a globe atlas forward across
-his desk. "I'll show you."
-
-Toffee got up and crossed to the desk. She followed the congressman's
-finger as it swept across the United States, brushed aside the Hawaiian
-Islands, and came to rest on a large country on the soiled outskirts of
-Europe. Quite plainly the country was marked: YOU KNOW WHERE.
-
-"For heaven's sake!" Toffee exclaimed. "Why, that's...!"
-
-"Don't!" the congressman broke in frightenedly. "Don't say that name!
-It's illegal. It was the government's idea that we should ignore the
-country, refuse to recognize it. It was hoped that if we just didn't
-speak to it any more and acted as though we didn't know it was there,
-it would go away and leave us alone. The use of the name was outlawed
-five years ago. Unfortunately, it's still there so we have to call it
-something."
-
-"Very shrewd," Toffee said. "Reminds one of the tactics of sulky
-children. And this You Know Who, I suppose, is the head of the
-government there?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The congressman reached across the desk and drew a newspaper toward
-them. On the front page was the picture of an elderly man in a short
-choke-collar effect. He had penetrating eyes and a drooping mustache.
-
-"Oh," Toffee said, "you mean...!"
-
-"You Know Who," the congressman supplied quickly.
-
-"Of course," Toffee agreed. "Then as I see it the country is faced with
-the question of whether You Know Who from You Know Where is going to
-drop you know what on the USA?"
-
-"Not whether," the congressman amended, "but when. Otherwise, you have
-stated the situation in a nutshell."
-
-"And I can't think of a better place for it either," Toffee murmured.
-"Outside of a pecan pie it's the nuttiest situation I've ever heard of."
-
-"Well," the congressman said, "there's nothing to be done about it now.
-Unless, of course, your secret weapon has some bearing on the crisis.
-But I doubt it. We've piled secret weapon on secret weapon and the
-situation has simply worsened with each one. It's very disheartening."
-
-"I see," Toffee reflected. "It makes a murky state of affairs. However,
-if you could get people away from the idea of blowing each other up and
-reduce them to the oldfashioned, intimate methods of warfare...."
-
-"Oh, Lord!" Marc moaned aggrievedly.
-
-"Well," the congressman sighed, "he's still in the religious cycle at
-least."
-
-At that moment the door opened at the far end of the room, and a
-heavy-lidded French maid appeared in the opening and leaned exhaustedly
-against the sill.
-
-"Someone smeared a French pastry on the woodwork," Toffee commented
-dryly.
-
-"I have served the gentlemen in the hall tea for three hours," the maid
-sighed, shoving her hair out of her eyes. "They are the devil himself.
-They play funloving games, like children." She paused and sighed again.
-"Dinner is served, I presume."
-
-The congressman boosted himself out of his chair. "I will speak to
-those funloving gorillas in person," he said. He turned to Toffee. "Are
-you hungry, my dear?"
-
-"Famished," Toffee said, and looked at Marc. "And you?"
-
-"Yeah," Marc said dolefully. "My wife is gone, my business is ruined,
-my world is about to go up in smoke--but what the heck!"
-
-He turned a sardonic eye on the congressman. "Lead on," he said.
-"Play, gypsy, play!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Toffee sat down gingerly on the corner of the bed and surveyed the
-congressman's best guest room with voluptuous appreciation. It was a
-production in lace and rococo gilt in which the curly-cued, beflounced
-bed was lost like a fireworks display in a gaudy sunset. Toffee only
-regretted that such splendor, for her part, was only to be wasted.
-
-It was not that she would not have willingly stayed the night there,
-had she the choice--but she had not. Being a thought projection of
-Marc's conscious mind, she would not exist in the material world when
-Marc slept. She had to return to the land of his imagination until
-he awoke again; then she would rematerialize wherever she chose. She
-looked at the bed, imagined the roseate picture of herself amongst the
-linens and laces, and sighed a sigh of regret.
-
-She removed herself from the bed, went to the door and listened. There
-were sounds; the guard was still there. The other guard would be posted
-at Marc's door.
-
-Toffee glanced at the ornamental clock on the bedstand. It was well
-after midnight, and she was still in the land of reality. That meant
-that Marc was still awake--and still worrying about Julie--and the
-bombs.
-
-She crossed to the bed, sat down as before, and ran her hand absently
-over the lace coverlette. Something had to be done to help Marc before
-he became a nerve case. It was true that she had gained the attention
-of the law makers, but now it seemed that the law makers were as
-irresponsible a group as one could wish for. And there might not be
-much time left. Something had to be done ... something big ... and in
-a hurry. If either side could be made to see the sheer idiocy of the
-situation. If, for instance, You Know Where....
-
-Suddenly Toffee stood up.
-
-"My gosh!" she cried. "If I could only...!"
-
-She stopped suddenly and a gasp came to her lips. Even as she did so
-her very being seemed to fade a bit.
-
-"Oh, no!" she cried. Then slowly she became more completely
-materialized again; Marc had yawned. She ran to the door and threw it
-open. Instantly the guard, a youngish ape in a dark suit, appeared
-before her.
-
-"Yes, miss?"
-
-"I've got to see Mr. Pillsworth!" Toffee cried. "He's going to sleep
-and he mustn't! Not yet." She started forward, but the guard stood firm.
-
-"Sorry, miss," he said. "You're not permitted to see Mr. Pillsworth
-tonight."
-
-"But I must!" Toffee cried. "He has to stay awake until...!"
-
-"I'm sorry, miss," the guard said, then looked at Toffee more closely.
-"Aren't you feeling well, Miss? You look a trifle pale around the
-gills."
-
-"And what's worse," Toffee said, "I _feel_ pale too."
-
-"Well," the guard said helpfully, "I saw an advertisement once about
-a lady who recommended a vegetable compound very highly. Of course I
-couldn't be positive but I believe the lady's name was Sylvia Pinkham,
-or something of the sort. She was a very kind looking old lady...."
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Look," Toffee put in distractedly, "could I go to the study if you
-came with me? It's terribly important."
-
-"Well," the guard reckoned, "all right. But don't you think you ought
-to lie down. This lady ... Sylvia ... seemed to think that other ladies
-should lie down...."
-
-"Blast Sylvia Pinkham," Toffee said. "And blast her compound, too. Come
-on. Hurry!"
-
-Together they hastened down the stairs. On the first floor the guard
-led the way to the study and switched on the lights. He watched Toffee
-with concern as she swept past him into the room.
-
-"My, miss," he said. "You're looking paler every minute. You'll soon be
-nothing more than a ghost the way you're going."
-
-Heedless, Toffee ran to the desk. There she reached for the globe and
-turned it with a hurried hand. The guard joined her curiously.
-
-"Let's see," Toffee mused. "We're here. You Know Where is there. If you
-concentrated in a straight line in that direction...."
-
-"Miss," the guard said softly. "I'm sure Miss Sylvia Pinkham wouldn't
-like it at all...."
-
-"And I wouldn't like Miss Sylvia Pinkham at all," Toffee said shortly.
-She turned back to the globe. "This must be the capital of You Know
-Where, this heavy black dot over here. It is, isn't it?"
-
-"Yes, Miss. But if you're thinking of going there, they won't let you
-in, you know. There's the Brass Curtain."
-
-"I thought it was iron," Toffee said.
-
-"It used to be. But after a few dealings with those people everyone
-decided it must be brass."
-
-Without comment Toffee snatched up the newspaper and studied the
-picture of You Know Who as though she were committing the unlovely
-features to memory. Finally she set it aside and turned to the guard.
-
-"There now," she said. "I think I've got everything fairly straight in
-mind. There's just one thing. Mr. Pillsworth is going to sleep now.
-Don't let him sleep too long--just a little while, then wake him up."
-
-"Are you certain he'll want to...?" the guard began.
-
-"Don't forget," Toffee said positively. "It's a matter of life and
-death."
-
-"Well, okay," the guard agreed. "I'll tell him you said...!"
-
-Then, with a gasp, the poor man's voice descended down his throat with
-the gritty rattle of a parcel of bones dumped into a disposal. As he
-watched, shaken to the very roots of his soul, the girl by the desk
-gradually faded into thin air....
-
- * * * * *
-
-Dusk had come to a distant land.
-
-Toffee stood in the formidable square and looked with disfavor on the
-great concrete pilings that brooded over the clear area in the center
-and isolated it from the waning light of day. Functional architecture,
-with frippery--cold, grey and starkly oppressive. Very functional, like
-a straight jacket, and just as pleasant to look at.
-
-There were hardly any signs of human life. A couple of men, so grey and
-so gross that they seemed only a part of the buildings around them,
-lumbered down the steps of the largest and most formidable of the
-structures, stopped to look at Toffee curiously, then passed on. Toffee
-shrugged and turned toward the building from which they had just come.
-The best way to obtain information, after all, was to ask someone for
-it. And if those men had just come from the building, life must exist
-inside the place in spite of appearances.
-
-She had no more than set foot on the steps of the place, however, than
-life suddenly descended upon her in a rush; two grey-uniformed guards,
-seemingly patterned very closely on the physical and spiritual makeup
-of the gorilla, clumped down the steps toward her with bayonets fixed.
-One of them barked something that, to Toffee, had no specific meaning.
-The bayonets, pointing in the vicinity of her mid-section, spoke with
-great eloquence. Toffee felt keenly that the moment called for a
-disarming smile.
-
-"Don't be silly, boys," she said with arch modulation. "There's no
-occasion for manly demonstrations."
-
-There was a sputtered, incoherent exchange between the two,
-interspersed with moments of silence which allowed them time to stare
-in open-mouthed wonderment at the lightly-swathed redhead before them.
-Toffee listened to this for what seemed the proper social interval,
-then started determinedly forward. The bayonets, however, thrust a
-little closer, took all the verve and sweep out of the gesture.
-
-"Now, kids," Toffee said, "I don't want to have to get rough with
-you." And so saying she reached out, delicately parted the bayonets,
-and passed between them. Their owners, obviously unused to this
-open flaunting of the sword, turned to stare after her in petrified
-astonishment. After a stunned silence, there ensued a growl-and-spit
-interchange of thought on the matter.
-
-Though Toffee had no way of knowing it, one aborigine inquired of the
-other if they were eye to eye in the opinion that they were seeing
-things. The other replied in the affirmative, adding that if it were
-not illegal to entertain such notions, he might venture that they had
-just been bypassed by an angel from heaven. Of course, since everyone
-knew that heaven and angels did not exist, the notion was silly.
-
-"Nothing descends from heaven but bombs," his companion observed with
-native starkness. "The Great Leader has said it is so."
-
-"Then it is so, and we are only the victims of a delusion."
-
-Shrugging their massive shoulders they returned to their posts and
-hoped for the best.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Inside the building Toffee found herself confronted by a wide foyer
-from which innumerable corridors stretched away in all directions.
-Guards of a similar stamp to those who had accosted her on the steps
-literally infested the place, two to the corridor. They seemed so
-much a part of the sombre decor, however, that Toffee did not notice
-them at once. She had proceeded nearly to the center of the room
-before, overtaken by a certain feeling of uneasiness, she stopped and
-reconnoitered.
-
-As she glanced around, the walls began to bristle with bayonets. She
-appraised this nasty state of affairs with concern and decided to adopt
-the policy of the congressman and his colleagues. A song on her lips,
-if not in her heart, she fixed her eyes straight ahead on the center
-corridor and resumed nonchalantly in that direction--perhaps if she
-pretended that these bayoneted orangoutangs were beneath her notice
-they might go away and leave her alone. They didn't appear to be the
-friendly, informative type anyway.
-
-For one brief moment it seemed that the ruse, by dint of sheer
-boldness, was going to work. Toffee was almost to the corridor when one
-of the benumbed guards suddenly began to vocalize in an overwrought
-fashion. In a voice that slammed against the vaulted ceiling like
-a trumpet blast he shouted something that sounded loosely like,
-"Gamnovitch!" His tone did not convey the feeling of warm welcome.
-Toffee, sizing the situation up as the sort that only comes to a head
-with delay, bolted.
-
-She darted into the corridor and kept going at a pace that utilized her
-lovely legs to the utmost. A noisy clatter from the rear, however, told
-her that she was not in the sprint just for exercise. She renewed her
-efforts. Then suddenly stopped.
-
-It wasn't so much that the corridor terminated in a huge doorway only
-a few yards ahead--though that was bad news enough--the real thing was
-that before the door there stood not two but four enormous guards,
-supplied like the others with those ugly weapons. The guards and Toffee
-caught sight of each other simultaneously, but the really filthy part
-of it was that the surprise element in the incident shoved the guards
-into action while it only held Toffee motionless.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Toffee needed no one to tell her she was about to be surrounded.
-"I _would_ have to get into this place," she sighed. "It must be
-a barracks for guards." She watched with resignation as the bulky
-bayoneters formed a prickly circle around her. She chose the most
-likely-looking of her captors and smiled enchantingly into his sub-ugly
-face. But the favored one only reciprocated with a small jabbing
-gesture which was enthusiastically picked up and elaborated upon by
-his companions. Toffee was the first to realize that the situation was
-climbing toward that state which is often described as 'serious.'
-
-"Look out, you lumbering oafs," she said hotly. "You could play hell
-with a lady's dainties with that sort of thing."
-
-She considered her ring and the hoard of armed brutes around her; there
-were too many of them to deal with effectively. The situation called
-for help, and Toffee took her cue from the situation; though she didn't
-know the language she was willing to kick it around a bit.
-
-"Helpovitch!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Helpovitch!"
-
-The result that followed was as instantaneous as it was unexpected. No
-sooner had Toffee's voice split the air of the hallway than the guards
-froze where they were and stared at her in a transfix of horror. Toffee
-hadn't the faintest notion of what she had said but she was awfully
-glad to have said it.
-
-Experimentally she made a movement; the guards remained still. She
-stepped out of the circle, and one of the guards made a small movement
-of protest.
-
-"Helpovitch, you rat," Toffee said. "You heard me."
-
-The guard remained motionless.
-
-Toffee paused, selected the door at the end of the hall as her
-destination, and went rapidly toward it. As she drew abreast of it,
-it opened just a crack and an ear presented itself in the opening.
-Apparently someone had been disturbed by the noise in the hall. Toffee
-leaned forward and placed her mouth close to the ear.
-
-"Helpovitch," she whispered.
-
-There was a moment, then the ear shuddered delicately, after which
-it turned red and withdrew quickly from sight. Here, Toffee realized,
-was the sort of ear that responded to a firm hand. She shoved the
-door open, stepped inside, and closed it behind her. Then she turned
-about--and stopped short.
-
- * * * * *
-
-It wasn't so much the room which, large and marbled, was a gasping
-matter all in itself--but the room's occupant; the ear had been
-misleading for its owner was none other than You Know Who himself.
-Between the Great Leader and Toffee there wasn't much to choose for
-goggle-eyed surprise. Toffee, however, was the first to recover from
-the encounter.
-
-"Well," she said, "just the old villain I'm looking for!"
-
-The Great Leader, his eyes retreating back into their sockets, set
-his mustache atremble with a great sucking breath and launched into a
-series of resonant sounds.
-
-"Knock it off," Toffee commanded. "You're making a fog in here.
-Besides, I can't understand a word of that juicy jazz."
-
-"So!" the Leader exploded. "Who iss? How you got har, hah?"
-
-"Well," Toffee murmured relievedly, "at least you can speak
-English--using the language loosely, that is."
-
-"How come you har, hey?" the Leader insisted truculently. "Why not
-soldiers kill you forst?"
-
-"They had it in mind," Toffee said, "but I just said 'helpovitch' to
-them, and they dropped the whole thing."
-
-"Vooman!" the Leader gasped. "You say soch dorty vord it is only
-sooprise soldiers do not drop teeth along with thing!" He waved his
-hand. "Go vay, dorty gorl! Screm!"
-
-"For Pete's sake!" Toffee said. "What does the word mean?"
-
-"Don't ask!" the Leader gasped, throwing up his hands. "You make me
-drop whole thing, too! Go vay or I call soldiers and tall tham shoot
-you all over--oop!--down!" He started toward the door. "Tarrible gorl!"
-
-"Hold it, Cecil," Toffee said. "You touch that door and I'll pull off a
-shindig that'll make you sad all over."
-
-The Leader stopped and regarded her uncertainly. "You American vooman
-spy, hah?" he demanded. "You think you smart. Vell, you be dad soon,
-vhat you think, hay?"
-
-"I think you're going to be reasonable and do what I say, hey," Toffee
-answered firmly. "Either that or you're going to get the surprise of
-your life."
-
-"Who iss you anyway?"
-
-"An avenging angel," Toffee said. "That'll do for now."
-
-"Nonsanse!" the Leader snorted. "No soch thing angel. Anyvay, angel
-vould not say dorty vords, make soldiers drop things."
-
-"Okay," Toffee said, "so I'm no angel. You're right there, pop. But I'm
-avenging, and don't you forget it."
-
- * * * * *
-
-A new thought crossed the seething mind of the Leader. "You know who
-you talk to so mean?"
-
-"Sure, Mac," Toffee said. "I know you."
-
-"Than I tall you drop dad, you gotta do it, hah?"
-
-"Huh-uh," Toffee said, shaking her head. "And let's have no more sass
-about killing people. Now let's get down to brass doorpulls...."
-
-But just at that moment the soldiers outside not only got down to
-doorpulls, but pulled them: the room began to swarm.
-
-"If I'd knew you were coming," Toffee said, "I'd have baked a snake."
-Nevertheless, she retreated warily. The guards paused uncertainly
-before her and started babbling among themselves.
-
-"Now!" the Leader said triumphantly.
-
-But Toffee pointed imperiously to the gabby guards. "What are those
-birds saying about me?" she demanded. "I've got a right to know."
-
-The Leader paused to listen, then nodded with comprehension.
-
-"Forst man say he think you foreign spy because you look nothing like
-voomans from this country. Other man say he's right because if you var
-from here you vould haf thick lags like his wife who iss von big slob.
-Forst man say he can say that again for his vife who iss so big slob
-you gotta say it twice to describe her." The Leader paused to consider
-this exchange and suddenly smote his brow. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Now
-iss clear! You deganerate product of America sant har to make men
-unrastful with slobbish female population. So!"
-
-"It's a side-line I hadn't thought of," Toffee said and smiled
-engagingly at the guards. "But if you think it'll work...."
-
-"Iss no good you viggle around and look saxy," the Leader put in
-sullenly. "You gonna get shot good, you deganerate boopsy daisy." He
-turned to the guards and shouted an order which had but one meaning in
-any language. The men instantly formed a single rank with mechanical
-precision and raised their rifles toward Toffee, albeit with a certain
-gleam of reluctance in their eyes.
-
-"Now you gonna gat it," the Leader said.
-
-But Toffee only smiled. "I've told you," she said, "I'm an avenging
-angel. And we angels are practically indestructible."
-
-"Ve see," the Leader snorted. "So!" He turned to the guards and barked
-an order that touched off a confusion of explosion and gun smoke.
-In the moment that ensued, as the smoke settled, there was a tense
-silence. This was followed by a many-throated cry of alarm.
-
-Toffee, still smiling, and completely unscathed, stepped lightly
-through the screen of smoke and presented herself to the company at
-large.
-
-"What would you like for an encore?" she asked.
-
-She did not bother, of course, to explain that she could not possibly
-be destroyed as long as Marc's mind held the image of her as a live
-being. She would always be just as Marc imagined her and he quite
-evidently was not thinking of her as dead at the moment.
-
- * * * * *
-
-As she moved forward, the guards took a faltering step backwards. Then,
-as a man, they turned and fled the room, slamming the door after them.
-
-Toffee shrugged lightly, turned and gazed about. The Leader was no
-longer in evidence. She paused to consider briefly, then crossed to the
-large desk in the center of the room, and bent down to peer underneath.
-
-"You may as well come out," she said. "I see you."
-
-The Leader's head appeared apprehensively in the opening. "Go vay," he
-said. "Vhy you not dad? You crazy?"
-
-"Crawl out of there, Sam," Toffee commanded. "Loosen that tight collar
-of yours and get set for a lesson in future history. You can frolic
-about on the floor later."
-
-Slowly the great man emerged and stood before her. Toffee's refusal to
-die or even get decently dented had shaken him to the very foundations.
-Furtively he eyed the bullet-scarred wall.
-
-"Shame," Toffee said. "You've been naughty, Jasper. Sit down."
-
-He did as he was told, looking as though he might burst into tears at
-any moment. "Vhy you not dad lak hangnail?" he insisted. "You got an
-iron gordle?"
-
-"I simply can't be killed," Toffee said. "I just can't seem to bring
-myself around to a serious frame of mind about guns and knives and that
-sort of trash. Which leads me to the problem at hand. I've got a plan
-for you, kiddo, and though it won't take five years, we've got to shake
-a leg." She glanced at the row of buttons and the speaker on the desk.
-"You know what you're going to do?"
-
-"No," the Leader said warily. "Vhat?"
-
-"You're going to start pressing those buttons, one at a time, from
-right to left. You're going to talk to all the big shots wired to those
-buttons and you're going to order the country demobilized, tonight."
-
-"Hah?" the Leader said. "And since vhen?"
-
-"Right now," Toffee said. "You are going to have every bomb and every
-facility for making bombs blown to dust in the cool of the night. Every
-piece of live ammunition in the country is going to be laid to rest.
-By your order. So get busy and start having the danger areas cleared."
-
-The Leader only stared at her in blinking disbelief.
-
-"Voop!" he burped with deep emotion.
-
-"And what is the meaning of that remark?" Toffee asked.
-
-"Means you iss goofy. Means you got bats in the bonnet."
-
-"And you're going to have ants in the pants if you don't start
-pressing your moist little finger to those buttons." Toffee eyed him
-humorlessly. "Are you going to start pressing or aren't you? You've had
-the word."
-
-"I'm waste no more time talking foolish with dorty, saxy dame like
-you," the Leader said petulantly. He got up and started determinedly
-toward the door. "I call new guards and have them carry you avay."
-
-"I warned you," Toffee said, raising her hand tentatively. "You'll
-regret it."
-
- * * * * *
-
-But the Leader, unintimidated, continued toward the door. He had just
-reached out to open it when Toffee brought her hand down quickly over
-the face of the ring. Events proceeded according to expectations.
-
-[Illustration: As Toffee aimed the magic ring, You Know Who suddenly
-sprawled across the desk with a howl of pained surprise!]
-
-"Halpovitch!" the Leader screamed, and plumped down heavily on the
-floor. "Oi!" Following the pattern of his forerunners he slapped his
-hands to his bottom and hugged himself into a knot of pulsating agony.
-A stream of highly charged verbiage sullied the air.
-
-"You kick me in restricted, top secret area!" he wailed.
-
-"Not exactly," Toffee said. "Though it's a shame. So many people have
-longed to." She moved closer to her distressed victim. "Going to start
-punching buttons? If you do I'll take the heat off."
-
-"No!" the Leader gritted pettishly. "I ponch you in nose!"
-
-"I see," Toffee said. "Suppose I call those guards back in here and let
-them see you like this? In no time at all the news will get around that
-the Great Leader has gone off his rocker and is snapping at his own
-bottom like a beagle after ham hock. A fine laughing stock you'll make,
-won't you?"
-
-"No!" the Leader pleaded. "No! Oh, soch a pain!"
-
-"Then suppose we have a little friendly cooperation around here?"
-
-"Hokay!" the Leader cried. "I can't stand it no longer!"
-
-Toffee made a pass at the ring and the Leader, after a moment of
-adjustment, arose.
-
-"How you do soch rotten thing?" he asked.
-
-"You haven't got all the secret weapons," Toffee said. "That's one your
-agents missed. Now hop to it and start thumbing those discs."
-
-Shaking his head which was heavy with disillusion, the Leader made
-his way shakily to the desk. He looked at Toffee, then reached for the
-first of the buttons.
-
-"Don't double cross me," Toffee said, raising her hand. "If you do
-you'll writhe in agony for the rest of your days."
-
-"Hokay," the Leader said and pressed the button. A moment later a voice
-answered distantly.
-
-"Halpovitch!" the Leader yelled at the top of his lungs. Instantly
-Toffee made the necessary gesture, and for the second time the great
-man assumed the position, placing his equipment as he went. He was
-moaning low in every sense of the word.
-
-"I warned you," Toffee said. "Trickery will get you nothing but a pain
-in the terminus."
-
-"All right!" the Leader groaned. "Stop it! I poosh buttons! I poosh 'em
-twice apiece! I do what you say like a liddle lamb."
-
-Toffee manipulated the ring, and again the Leader picked himself up
-from the floor. "Let's stop this horseplay," she said, "and get going."
-
-"Horseplay!" the Leader exclaimed, advancing his finger to the buttons.
-"Horses vhat play mean like you should be on the backs of postage
-stamps."
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was nearly an hour later when the Leader released the last button
-and sagged back in his chair, a broken man.
-
-"Iss all," he said. "You have louse up averything. They all say I am
-insane, but they gonna do it anyhow 'cause I tell 'em, the dumbells.
-Over-regimented, they are, like a lot of stupid machines."
-
-Toffee glanced out the window at the now-darkened square. "The
-fireworks should be starting soon, if they're as efficient as you say."
-She turned back to the Leader. "Is there any way to get to the top of
-this pile of concrete where we'll have a better view?"
-
-"Opp stairs, sure," the Leader said dully. "Who vants to see?"
-
-"Come on," Toffee said. "This is going to be _worth_ seeing, all that
-advanced gun powder going up in smoke."
-
-"Hokay," the Leader agreed brokenly. "Who cares now?"
-
-Toffee watched him carefully as he opened a drawer in the desk and slid
-his hand inside. It was a moment before he extracted a large bottle of
-vodka.
-
-"For the medicinal purposes only," he explained ruefully. "And I am the
-sick buckeroo of them all."
-
-Toffee smiled. "Let's get to the top, pop," she said amiably. "Let's
-tie one on."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Though it occurred miles away, the explosion shook even the solid
-foundations of the capitol building. Toffee and the leader watched with
-awe as the whole world, it seemed, suddenly screamed with white fire.
-The Leader was forced to cling to Toffee for support, and Toffee clung
-to the bottle strictly as a precaution.
-
-"Beautiful," Toffee breathed as the building ceased to shudder. "It's
-beautiful to see all that death and destruction destroying itself.
-Makes you think of those scorpions who sting themselves in the neck
-when they're mad."
-
-And if the explosions constituted an item of beauty for Toffee, the
-night was filled to overflowing with the gaudy stuff. The explosions,
-near and far, continued through the night. Toffee and the despairing
-Leader sat on the edge of a functional parapet and toasted each new
-blast with vodka and conflicting emotions.
-
-Below them people churned bewilderedly in the streets like a rising and
-falling tide. A faint thread of dawn touched the horizon just as the
-last explosion shuddered across the land.
-
-"Iss all," the Leader mourned soddenly. "All iss gone. You haf made me
-a tired old man."
-
-"That's all you ever were," Toffee said almost kindly. "You were
-foolish to try to be anything else." She patted him on the head with
-groggy sympathy. "I've got a feeling I've got to be running along now.
-But there's just one more thing before I go...."
-
-"Iss all. Iss all," the Leader moaned. "Iss no more."
-
-"No, not that. All I want to know is what does helpovitch mean?"
-
-The old man lolled his head to one side and looked at her lopsidedly
-from the corner of his eye. "Iss native slang vord meaning 'democracy.'
-Iss very dorty vord."
-
-And then, as his beautiful tormentor vanished into thin air, he toppled
-from his perch on the wall and sprawled flat on his back.
-
-The enemy, a bottle cradled protectively in his arms, had fallen....
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc had fought the battle against sleep to the last ditch, and there
-had tripped and fallen squarely into the waiting arms of Morpheus.
-The sounds, the drone and buzz of Congress, swirled away into limbo
-and mercifully died. Marc was no longer among those present at the
-ridiculous investigation.
-
-The only way Marc had been able to go to sleep the previous night was
-to take as many sleeping tablets as possible, and then a couple more.
-When Congressman Bloodsop had managed finally to awaken him and to tell
-him of Toffee's disappearance, it was a long while before he was able
-to appraise the situation rightly; that Toffee had simply transferred
-her activities to some other seat of operations, so to speak. Then,
-once this had soaked into his benumbed brain, it occurred to him that
-it constituted an ideal state of affairs. With the volatile redhead
-out of the picture there was an even chance that he would be able to
-extricate himself from the mess she had created for him and find his
-way back to Julie.
-
-To accomplish this end he had only to stay awake so that Toffee could
-not put in an untimely appearance--no mean accomplishment considering
-the sleeping tablets fermenting in his system. Now he contributed to
-the congressional activities with a resonant snore.
-
-"And do you persist, Mr. Pillsworth, in the absurd assertion that you
-did not aid in the escape of the young woman known as Toffee? _Mr.
-Pillsworth!_"
-
-Marc stirred and opened his eyes as his name penetrated his awareness.
-
-"Eh?" he yawned, then sat up abruptly as a current of horror flashed
-up his spine. What chilled him more than the reproving tone and the
-baleful eye was the realization that he had been asleep. He glanced
-away from the fuming chairman and subjected the room to a wary search.
-It was on the return sweep that his most awful expectations burst
-abloom. Toffee, looking for all the world like an abandoned torch
-singer on the corner of a piano, was sitting on the outer edge of the
-podium, one hand poised rakishly on a well-curved hip. She surveyed
-the assemblage with unmistakable disappointment. Throughout the room
-several hot games of tick-tack-toe were summarily abandoned as grey,
-greying, bald and balding heads snapped back in uncharacteristic
-attitudes of attention. The members of Congress, acting sharply against
-precedent, sat up and took note of the business at hand.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Since no one else spoke, Toffee took the initiative. "So this is a body
-of men, is it?" she sneered. "I've seen better bodies on Model T's."
-
-The Chair eyed her with a definite lack of warmth.
-
-"My dear young woman," the Chair said, glaring coldly through his
-glasses. "Just what do you think you're doing?"
-
-"I'm here to be investigated," Toffee said, jauntily crossing her legs.
-"Get out the tape measure and heave to."
-
-Marc pressed his hands to his temples and sank lower in his seat.
-
-"What!" the Chair said. "You're the young woman known as Toffee?"
-
-"The same," Toffee said complacently. "The very same."
-
-"How did you get there on the stand all of a sudden?"
-
-"Ask me no questions," Toffee said, "and you'll reduce the lie
-expectancy by at least fifty percent."
-
-Marc's forlorn moan was lost as the Chair cleared his throat. He
-flicked a pencil in Marc's direction. "Take your place over there with
-your confederate, please."
-
-"Sure," Toffee said. Abandoning her perch, she leaped lightly to the
-floor and shoved off in Marc's direction, pausing on the way to pat
-Congressman Bloodsop on the head. The congressman winked at her,
-withdrew the pocket flask which had been affixed to his mouth and wiped
-his lips genteelly on the back of his hand.
-
-"Government," Toffee observed, settling herself happily at Marc's side,
-"is much the same the world over--full of medicinal purposes."
-
-"Why did you have to show up now?" Marc asked sourly. "They'd have
-called the whole thing off in another few minutes."
-
-"That's what I like," Toffee said, patting his hand, "a rousing welcome
-from the one you left behind."
-
-Marc withdrew his hand frigidly and resisted a yawn. "Now we're right
-back in the same old soup."
-
-Toffee scanned the Congress with a sweeping glance. "Don't tell me
-you're afraid of this collection of old nincompoops?" she scoffed.
-
-She pointed to a bemused, bald-pated individual across the way who was
-engaged to the last nerve in the business of engraving a pierced heart
-in the top of the table in front of him. Across from this exhibit sat a
-lank citizen who was quietly strumming a guitar and chanting a ballad
-which had to do with a lonesome cowboy whose horse was dead, house was
-burned, well was dry, range was barren, and he himself was suffering
-from pernicious anemia--which individual, nonetheless, wished to assure
-his faithless sweetheart that she was not to worry for a minute that
-his affairs were anything other than tickety-boo and that he would
-'git' along somehow.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc observed these examples of high-minds-at-work with a wry face.
-"That's just the trouble," he grieved, "they're completely irrational.
-Heaven knows what they might take a fancy to do to us. Your entrance
-didn't help any, you know."
-
-"Nonsense," Toffee said. "They're just a bunch of harmless children."
-
-"So harmless," Marc snorted, "they've danced the whole nation right
-down the path to extinction."
-
-"Oh, that," Toffee said, smiling secretively. "I wouldn't worry about
-that. I wouldn't waste the time."
-
-"Oh, you wouldn't, wouldn't you?" Marc said annoyedly. "Well, let me
-remind you, Miss Cotton Brain, that you're subject to the laws of
-extinction just as much as the rest of us. When I die you go with me,
-you know, and after the way you've messed up my final hours I will
-consider it a pleasure to perish just to get even with you. I will
-laugh as the bombs come crashing down on my roof."
-
-"You're doing me a terrible injustice," Toffee said.
-
-At this point their conversation was abruptly concluded by a heavy
-rapping from the Chair.
-
-"The Chair addresses the young woman known as Toffee."
-
-"If I'm known as Toffee," Toffee snapped, "then call me Toffee. Stop
-making me sound like some loose-moraled hussy slinging her hips around
-in a Klondike saloon."
-
-"Just remain seated," the Chair said severely, "and speak into the
-microphone on the table. There are some questions for you to answer
-before we proceed."
-
-Toffee eyed the Chair with raised eyebrows. "Okay," she said. "Shoot."
-She turned to Marc. "Stop nudging me."
-
-"First of all," the Chair said. "Please make a statement of your
-political affiliations."
-
-"Political affiliations?" Toffee said, completely bewildered. "If you
-mean have I ever had anything to do with politicians, I haven't. I
-might as well say that I think all politicians are a bunch of bums."
-She turned again to Marc. "Are you ill, dear? Why are you making that
-awful choking noise?"
-
-Marc repeated the awful choking noise, and the Chair rattled for
-attention. The Chair also glowered through its glasses.
-
-"What the committee wants to know is which political philosophy do you
-embrace?"
-
-"None of them," Toffee said. "I wouldn't touch any of them with a
-pole, much less clasp them to my bosom as you suggest. Aren't you
-getting a little lewd with all this talk about embracing?"
-
-"Let's put it another way," the Chair said with strained patience. "Of
-which nation are you a citizen?"
-
-"Why, none of them, of course," Toffee said. "Not that they wouldn't
-have me, you understand...."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Precisely at this point a door behind the Chair burst open, and a
-small, musty individual in shirt sleeves hurled himself into the room.
-
-"It's come!" he piped. "It's come!"
-
-"Has someone been praying for rain?" Toffee asked innocently.
-
-The Chair rattled frenziedly. "Just what is it that's important enough
-to justify this outburst?"
-
-"The news!" the little man jibbered. "I was working down in the
-Intelligence Department just now...."
-
-"I wondered where they keep all the intelligence around here," Toffee
-said. "I didn't know they had a department for it."
-
-"Shut up, can't you?" Marc hissed. "You've made enough enemies already
-to last us out a lifetime."
-
-"You Know Where!" the little man screeched. "You Know Where!"
-
-A murmur of apprehension moved through the room.
-
-"They've attacked?" the Chair asked quickly. "Has the attack begun?
-Speak up, man!" Then without waiting for a reply, he turned to the
-gathering at large. "I will now lead you all in prayer."
-
-"No!" the little man cried. "No, no!"
-
-"You don't want us to pray, you nasty little atheist?"
-
-"No!" the little man cried. "Yes! I don't care! But there isn't any
-attack! There isn't going to be one! You Know Where was demobilized
-last night. It's a positive miracle! Our agents report rumors about a
-religious revival going on there. Everyone is talking about an angel
-with red hair who appeared to the Leader and...."
-
-Marc turned sharply to Toffee with the look of a man who has just been
-stung by a bee.
-
-"You...!"
-
-"Uh-huh," Toffee said. "We had quite a romp last night, the Leader and
-I." She spoke through a pandemonium of cheering, crashing bottles and
-mad guitar music.
-
-"Oh, bury me not on the lone prar-ee!" the lanky Congressman chortled
-besottedly. "Where the coyotes howl 'cause there's no whisk-ee!"
-
-The Chair added to the din in behalf of a moment of silence and
-received just a moment.
-
-"Let's knock off for the day," a voice yelled, "and get drunk!"
-
-"We did that yesterday," the Chair said. "We have to think of
-appearances once in a while, you know. Besides, this new development
-puts a whole new face on things. It calls for action."
-
-"What about me?" Toffee yelled. "I insist on being investigated."
-
-"Please be quiet, young woman," the Chair said. "You're no longer
-needed here."
-
-"Thank heavens!" Marc sighed. "Come on, let's leave."
-
-"Certainly not," Toffee said. "I have other business to take care of."
-
-"Oh, no!" Marc cried, and slumped exhaustedly into his chair. "I'm too
-tired for any more!"
-
-"We must realize," the Chair was saying, "that an opportunity has
-been placed in our hands. The enemy is helpless. _Now is the time to
-strike!_"
-
- * * * * *
-
-There was a pause while this sank in, and then the cheering and
-rough-housing began again with greater vigor.
-
-"Rickety-rax!" One vaporish congressman giggled, slipping limply from
-his chair to the floor. "Rickety-rax! Give 'em the axe!"
-
-A colleague at his right launched a squadron of paper darts into the
-air as the guitarist twanged away at an off-key rendition of the _Air
-Corps Song_. This musical interlude, however, came to an unhappy end
-as the gentleman across the table, finishing the pierced heart with a
-flourish, picked up an inkwell and emptied it into the bowels of the
-instrument. There was a splintering crash as the donner received his
-contribution, guitar and all, across the crown of his head. Undaunted,
-the man rose from his seat and launched into a lamentable imitation of
-Jolson doing a mammy song.
-
-"We'll kill 'em!" the cry went up. "We'll give it to 'em in the teeth,
-the dirty, yella, murderin' rats!"
-
-"Gentlemen!" the Chair pleaded. "Gentlemen! Your enthusiasm and
-patriotic spirit is commendable. But let's be constructive about this
-thing. _Let's declare war!_"
-
-Toffee and Marc, who had been watching this display with rising
-emotion, got to their feet simultaneously.
-
-"Now just a minute!" Toffee yelled. "Just a minute, you tramps!"
-
-"Precisely," Marc said, steadying himself against the table. "Just a
-minute."
-
-But their protest was unheard in the din of the merry-making.
-
-"I can see," Toffee said, lifting her hand, "that the time is due to
-take measures."
-
-"For once," Marc said, "I'm with you one hundred percent." He moved to
-her side in a limp gesture of staunch support, blinking drowsily.
-
-Toffee eyed the revelling law makers with a selective eye. Her gaze
-fell to two rotund parties who, their arms clasped about each other's
-shoulders, were dancing a polka in the aisle. As one of the bulbous
-rears swiveled in her direction, she let go. It was a direct hit on the
-target.
-
-With a searing cry the erstwhile dancer unclasped his partner and
-doubled over, his chops aquiver with an emotion too great for
-expression.
-
-His partner, at first taken aback, eyed this inexplicable development
-with bleary gloom. Then he beamed with happy understanding.
-
-"Leap frog!" he yelled joyously. "Hey, fellas! Leap frog!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-The rush for the aisle was instantaneous and enthusiastic. As the
-playful congressmen lined up for the game, Toffee leaped to the top of
-the table and assumed a firing stance. Taking careful aim as the first
-gamester wheezed up the aisle and boosted himself aloft over the back
-of his suffering brother, she executed a neat wing shot which dropped
-her victim into place with a convulsion of shocked pain.
-
-"Fish in a barrel," Toffee said gleefully.
-
-"Good," Marc said, coming momentarily awake. "There! Get that gaffer on
-the rise!"
-
-And another congressman doubled in mid-air and came to earth with a
-rasp on his lips.
-
-"Stacking up nicely, eh?" Toffee said. "Makes a neat exhibit, all of
-them in a row like that."
-
-The sport continued apace. It wasn't long before the aisle was lined
-from end to end with tortured congressmen who moaned and wailed like
-lost souls taking hell's post grad course. Texas, naturally, made the
-loudest noise.
-
-"Here, now!" he blurted. "What's going on here? What do you fellows
-think you're doing; you look like a lot of distressed cats who've found
-cement in the sand box. It doesn't look at all nice. I'm surprised at
-you, Maine, for being mixed up in this sort of thing. You, too, South
-Dakota. Young woman, why are you standing on that table?"
-
-"When I go to the circus," Toffee said, "I like to see everything. I
-wouldn't want to miss this for the world."
-
-"I thought I told you to go home. The Congress has finished with you."
-
-"But have I finished with the Congress?" Toffee said. "That's what I
-ask myself."
-
-"Get out!" the Chair cried, definitely beginning to show cracks about
-the outer surface. "Please go home. Please!"
-
-"I'm afraid I can't," Toffee said. She nodded significantly toward
-the convulsed members. "I'd hate to go and leave so much unfinished
-business behind. Or should I say so much behind, unfinished business?"
-
-"Do you mean to say that you are in some way responsible for that
-repellent demonstration in the aisle?"
-
-"I take the credit proudly," Toffee said. "Remember, I said I had a
-secret weapon? However, I must say that Mr. Pillsworth, here, has given
-me all sorts of moral support."
-
-"Thank you," Marc said with composure. "Glad to be associated with any
-enterprise of a worthwhile nature. I'm a real sucker for these toney
-clambakes."
-
-"Toney!" The Chair snorted in outrage. "I suppose you are able to undo
-this disgraceful state of affairs?"
-
-"Oh, quite," Toffee smiled. "In a twinkling. But I wonder if I really
-want to."
-
-"You must," the Chair said distractedly. "With all that moaning and
-groaning going on down there I can't hear myself think."
-
-"Heaven only knows why you should want to," Marc said, "with your
-dwarfed powers of reasoning."
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Quiet!" the Chair snapped. "Young lady, I'm telling you to release
-those men from whatever unattractive thing is ailing them. That's a
-congressional order!"
-
-"Okay," Toffee said. "But with one stipulation."
-
-"And what is that, may I ask?"
-
-"That you follow the example of You Know Where--and follow it to the
-last bomb and factory."
-
-"What! Are you actually suggesting that we demobilize the country?"
-
-"I'm telling you now," Toffee said earnestly. "And I'm telling you to
-do it immediately. Get religion, brother."
-
-"I see," the Chair said quietly. His hand moved cautiously toward an
-alarm button.
-
-"I'm sorry," Toffee murmured, "but I haven't time to waste on any more
-guards." She lifted her hand, made the necessary motion, and the Chair
-departed his moorings with a leap that sent his glasses sailing off
-into the air.
-
-"Murder!" he screamed, and crashed back into his seat in a fit of acute
-discomfort.
-
-"Well," Marc sighed. "Fair's fair. These boys have been giving everyone
-else that localized pain for years. Now they're just getting a shot of
-their own medicine. By the way, what happened to that little man from
-Intelligence?"
-
-"He's in with the congressmen," Toffee said.
-
-Dusting her hands lightly, she turned away just in time to see a door
-swing open to permit the pompous entrance of several over-costumed and
-over-decorated individuals who had obviously played the army and navy
-game with the right set of loaded dice.
-
-One, however, stood ahead of and apart from the others. He glittered
-and shone with all the bogus brilliance of a dime store jewelry
-counter. From the peak of his duck-tailed blonde hair to the tips of
-his two-toned shoes--passing quickly over his rust-red jacket and
-lemon yellow trousers--he was the absolute end and final gasp in
-well-upholstered commercial entertainers. As he stood impressively
-in the doorway his shirt front added the final touch of elegance by
-lighting up with the classical quote: Kiss Me Quick!
-
-"Good night!" Marc said. "President Flemm! And the heads of the War
-Department!"
-
- * * * * *
-
-As Toffee gazed on this fine new catch, whole vistas of fresh
-achievement spread themselves before her. "Hail! Hail!" she said. "Deck
-the halls with poison ivy!"
-
-The President, having had his little joke, had since fallen into
-a mood for a bit of tribute from what he considered his official
-flunkies--or straight men. As he waited for the Congress to rise in
-his honor--without result--an expression of petulance swept over his
-features. It wasn't as though they weren't aware of his presence; he
-made himself known surely. Then why didn't the clods snap into it?
-
-He stepped imperiously to the head of the aisle, from whence there
-issued low sounds of displeasure and suddenly, with a start, found
-himself faced with a shattering view of a whole row of upturned
-bottoms.
-
-"Here, now!" he exclaimed. "What sort of greeting is this? If you
-men have some personal criticism to make against me there must be a
-nicer way of expressing it!" He swung about to the Chair. "Just who is
-responsible for this insulting...!"
-
-The words jammed together in his throat at the sight of the Chair whose
-sightless eyes peered down at him with every evidence of complete
-loathing. He seemed to snarl. In fact, as the President watched, the
-Chair actually did bare his fangs and snarl.
-
-"Now, just a minute!" the President cried, taken aback. "Maybe we do
-have our little differences now and again, but there's no need to
-get obstreperous about it. Now stop slavering at the mouth in that
-extraordinary way and tell those old fools in the aisle to turn around
-right end up."
-
-The Chair only snarled again.
-
-"Oh, very well," the President said coolly. "If that's the attitude you
-want to take...."
-
-"I don't think you're really going to get anywhere with him," Toffee
-put in mildly.
-
-The President whirled about. "And who are you?"
-
-"You might say I'm in charge here," Toffee said. "My friend and I. I
-think you'll discover that the Congress is suffering from shock--in a
-way." She nodded to the Chair. "With that one, it's something I said."
-The big brass crowded in curiously from the rear and ogled Toffee with
-enormous appreciation. "Oddly, you are just the group I've been waiting
-to see. I've been wanting to tell you that the time has come for you to
-demobilize the nation--unload all that high-powered ammunition before
-it goes off and hurts someone."
-
-The President merely stared at her for a moment. Then he shook his
-head. "Wouldn't get a big enough laugh," he said.
-
-"I take it you are replying in the negative?" Toffee asked.
-
-"You got it, sis," the President said with his customary dignity.
-"Besides, just where do you get off telling me the time? Who signed you
-up for the act?"
-
-"Allow me to present my credentials," Toffee said, and raised her hand.
-"You'll get a kick out of this."
-
- * * * * *
-
-A moment later President Flemm, quite to his own surprise, added
-acrobatic dancing to his list of talents. Toffee, aware that important
-persons required her best efforts, added a shot to the President's
-neck, having already administered to the more logical location.
-
-President Flemm's fine tenor assailed the air with ear-splitting
-clarity, as his companions edged away in terror. Clutching alternately
-at his neck and his rear, the man leaped about like a fan dancer
-deprived of her feathers before a meeting of young business executives.
-The President gave the performance of a man who was torn in his very
-soul.
-
-"Think that'll get a laugh?" Toffee asked. And then, lest the
-President desired companions, she quickly added the efforts of the War
-Department. The effect was engaging in a primitive sort of way, though
-there was a great deal of clanking and crashing of brass on brass.
-
-"Any time you gentlemen decide to sit one out," Toffee said, "just let
-me know. There are plenty of telephones handy with which to spread the
-good news."
-
-She and Marc retreated to the steps in front of the podium, picking up
-an abandoned bottle on the way. Toffee settled back comfortably and
-indulged in a long draft.
-
-"Hey," Marc said, "you might leave a swallow for me. I'm the one who
-needs the stimulant, you know."
-
-Toffee handed him the bottle, and for a moment they sat silent
-listening dreamily to the sounds of gnashing teeth and grunted curses
-that filled the air about them. Marc looked over to where the President
-and his cronies had fallen into a stupor of misery.
-
-"Looks like the government has collapsed," he observed drowsily. "I
-might say it has a pain in its brass."
-
-Even as he spoke, the President lifted an enfeebled hand and beckoned
-to them. "I think the President wishes a word with us."
-
-"Isn't it thrilling," Toffee said, "meeting all these important people
-on such intimate terms?" She tilted the bottle again. "Let's toddle
-over and see what the old comic wants."
-
-"This is excruciating!" the President panted as they approached.
-"You've got to stop it; it's unbearable."
-
-"Now you know how people felt about your jokes," Toffee said. "I take
-it you're on the verge of capitulation?"
-
-"Over the verge," the President grunted weakly. "Huh, fellas?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Four sets of clenched teeth bobbed up and down behind him, accompanied
-by the plaintive rattle of metal.
-
-"Good show, men," Toffee said. "That's using the old heads. Follow me
-to the telephones the best way you can and start the wires singing--my
-tune, of course."
-
-Half an hour later Toffee and Marc let themselves out of the room by
-the back way and walked along the corridor toward the street.
-
-"I'm hungry as an abandoned babe," Toffee said.
-
-Marc regarded her from beneath drooping eyelids. "I don't know if I
-can stay awake long enough to feed you," he said. Then he stopped and
-nodded worriedly back the way they'd come. "Are you sure you ought to
-leave them all groaning around in there like that?"
-
-"Until after the fireworks tonight," Toffee said. "When it comes to
-backing out on your word those boys could face to the rear and win
-the Olympic races without straining a nerve. Besides, suffering has a
-cleansing effect on the soul, they tell me, and that mob in there has
-the grimiest set of souls I've ever seen. I informed the lot of them
-that if they welched on this deal they'd stay that way the rest of
-their lives and would have to be buried in round coffins. We can come
-back and turn them loose later."
-
-"I suppose you're right," Marc said. "Right now, I've got to have a pot
-of coffee before I pass out."
-
-By now they had reached the sidewalk and luckily spotted a cab. Waving
-for the driver's attention, they hurried forward.
-
-It was just as Marc reached for the door of the cab that he suddenly
-stumbled. All at once his weariness became too great to be borne
-further; it reached to his very bones and turned them to sawdust. As he
-went down to his knees the blackness swam in around him. He reached out
-a hand to steady himself, but there was nothing to cling to. He was
-vaguely aware of falling....
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Well, now, how'd you like a dame like that!" the cab driver exclaimed,
-climbing out of the car. "She takes a powder just because the guy gets
-a snootful and passes out!" He looked down at Marc who, sprawled on
-the sidewalk, was tuning up for a good solid snore. "I wonder where he
-belongs?"
-
- * * * * *
-
-Wherever he belonged, Marc at that very moment was lounging in a state
-of quiet bliss on one of the rising slopes in the valley of his mind.
-He turned to regard Toffee whose costume had once again become the
-transparent tunic, and to reflect that Paris would have to go a long
-way to stitch up anything half as becoming. Toffee smiled back at him
-and propped herself up lazily on one elbow.
-
-"Well," she said. "It was something of a whirl, wasn't it? I mean it
-leaves one a trifle dizzy."
-
-"Whirl?" Marc asked. "How do you mean?" Recent events had slipped from
-his mind in the interval between awareness and slumber.
-
-"The bombs," Toffee said. "The politicians--" she held up her hand and
-displayed the ring "--and this."
-
-Memory jarred back into place. "Oh, my gosh!" Marc cried. "All those
-congressmen! And the President! They're all back there...! And you're
-here...! How'll you ever get them straightened out?"
-
-Toffee laughed. "I won't. There's going to be a terrific run on the
-Washington doctors for a while, that's all. Anyway, it'll do the old
-tubs good, give them something to think about next time they start
-getting gay with the public's time--and redheaded women."
-
-"Anyway," Marc said. "At least it proves that a well-placed jolt in
-the right place is a lot more powerful than any bomb. I was right in
-the first place. When warfare gets personal it loses its attraction. I
-suppose they'll be busy developing more and worse bombs as soon as the
-shock wears off, but at least the people in the world will have another
-chance to try and prevent them."
-
-Toffee shrugged lightly. "It just goes to show that world politics are
-really childishly simple when someone comes along with a firm hand."
-
-"Are you going to keep the ring?" Marc asked.
-
-Toffee shook her head. "I think I'll just dematerialize it; I never did
-care about gems." She regarded him slowly from the corner of her eye.
-"I have just one last use for it first."
-
-"Yes?" Marc asked with a note of apprehension. "What's that?"
-
-"Just this," Toffee said. She slid her arms around his neck and drew
-him close. "One twitch of resistance and I'll double you up like a
-pretzel."
-
-Marc sighed helplessly. "When you put it that way, what can I do?" he
-asked, and submitted unflinchingly to her kiss.
-
-It was just as she drew away, just as she brushed her hand over his
-shoulder, that the ring exploded.
-
-Actually it was only a burst of vibrant green light, but it was so
-intense that it blinded Marc, blocking Toffee and the valley from
-sight. Marc squinted against the brilliance and waited for it to die.
-But when it did there was only an infinite blackness where it had been.
-
-"Toffee?" Marc called tentatively. "Toffee, where are you?"
-
-"Goodbye, Marc," Toffee's voice said through the darkness. "Goodbye,
-you old reprobate."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Marc moved a bit to one side and felt of the softness beneath him
-before he opened his eyes. Then he opened them half fearfully,
-wondering where he was. He looked about slowly, then suddenly sat
-upright. He was home, in his own room, in his own bed.
-
-But it was dark outside, and the lamp was on. He had passed out on a
-street in Washington, if he remembered correctly. He was sure that was
-right, but he couldn't think how he had gotten home. Then he held his
-thoughts in abeyance and listened; there was the sound of a voice--a
-man's voice--and it seemed to be coming from downstairs....
-
-"_As each bomb bursts and casts out its power for destruction the
-burden becomes just so much lighter in the hearts of men all over the
-world. Tonight the bombs send out their light against the darkness, not
-as instruments of death and hate, but as multi-beamed beacons pointing
-the way to world peace. This is one of the greatest nights in human
-history!_"
-
-Marc leaped from the bed, drew on his robe which was lying across the
-bed, and ran out into the hallway. He was nearly to the head of the
-stairs when he stopped to listen again.
-
-"_The mystery surrounding the House of Congress since early today when
-the order for demobilization was issued from there by the President
-remains unsolved. Guards have been placed by presidential order at all
-entrances and exits, and no one, not even the President, has left the
-inner chamber. The press and other officials have been strenuously
-barred from entry, even at gun point in some instances. However a
-number of physicians have received calls from within the chamber and
-have been escorted into the room. A rumor persists that one of the
-members--Congressman Wright of Maine--was stricken with the mumps
-during today's session, placing the entire Congress in quarantine...._"
-
-Marc hurried down the stairs and into the living room. He stopped short
-at the sight of her.
-
-"Julie...!" he cried.
-
- * * * * *
-
-She rose quickly from her chair and switched off the radio.
-
-"I had it fixed," she said. "I was so ashamed." Then her face lighted
-with joy. "Oh, darling, there's the most wonderful, wonderful news! The
-President ordered...!"
-
-"I know," Marc said. "I ... uh ... I heard it just now coming down the
-stairs." He went to her and drew her into his arms, and for a moment
-they were both still, just holding each other.
-
-"Julie...?" Marc said, and she nodded. "When did you come back?"
-
-"The same night I left, of course," Julie smiled. "I only got as far as
-the station and I got to thinking that if anything happened ... and we
-weren't together.... Anyway, I turned right around and came back. I
-was nearly frantic when you weren't here. I just sat here and cried and
-blamed myself."
-
-"I see," Marc said. "And ... uh ... how did I get back?"
-
-"The taxi driver brought you. He found your address in your wallet."
-
-"All the way from Washington?"
-
-"He said there was a young lady he wanted to see here anyway, and he
-only charged half fare." She put her hand to his cheek. "Oh, I was so
-relieved when I found out you'd only been on a bender. In fact I was
-a little flattered that you were that desperate without me." She drew
-closer. "Oh, darling, we both behaved so childishly. We deserved just
-what we got--a good swift kick in the...."
-
-But Marc kissed her quickly--and for a long time--until he was sure a
-new topic for conversation had come into her mind....
-
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-<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Vengeance of Toffee</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Charles F. Myers</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 19, 2021 [eBook #65113]</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
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-
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VENGEANCE OF TOFFEE ***</div>
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>THE VENGEANCE OF TOFFEE</h1>
-
-<h2>By Charles F. Myers</h2>
-
-<p>The world was on the brink of atomic war and<br />
-nothing, it seemed, could prevent it. But<br />
-Toffee had a plan&mdash;and a little magic to boot!</p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br />
-February 1951<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>The bombs ticked&mdash;in remote places&mdash;behind locked and guarded doors.
-The bombs ticked, and the terrible sound was distinct in the farthest
-corners of the world&mdash;wherever a man picked up a newspaper, turned on a
-radio&mdash;or paused to listen to the beating of his own heart. A Bomb ...
-H Bomb ... X Bomb&mdash;the bombs ticked louder and louder with the growing
-hours&mdash;and each man dwelt alone now with the dark spectre of his own
-trembling fear.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Yesterday we perfected a new kind of totalitarian death....</i>" (It
-was difficult to remember the pleasant, relaxed voice which had once
-given the announcer his popularity, for now it seemed that his breath
-passed over taut nerves rather than vocal cords. But no one noticed; it
-was only what he said that mattered now, not how he said it. Fear fed
-on fear with an avid, indiscriminate appetite&mdash;and flourished from the
-diet.)</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Today we can only be certain that the foreign powers will have caught
-up with us within the next few hours.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>Can you remember the Atomic Age, ladies and gentlemen? How long ago
-that was! And yet how swiftly we have progressed from that to the Age
-of Human Terror.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>The X Bomb&mdash;the incomprehensible unit of power and destruction which
-dwarfs the human soul and reduces it to a negligible fraction of
-quivering fright&mdash;just one small fraction contributing to the monstrous
-organism of terror which has lately become our modern civilization.
-How wretched we are to be living in a civilization in which the word
-'city' has been rendered obsolete by the word 'target.' The New York
-Target ... the Chicago Target ... the Salt Lake and San Francisco
-Targets. How wretched we are.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>And is it strange that these targets which were once cities are being
-deserted? Is it strange that men have begun to run from the bombs even
-before they have begun to fall? That is the nature of terror.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>For the first time in its history the nation looks upon a
-nomadic society&mdash;largely that group of the working people who have
-ceased working to wander aimlessly, seeking safety within our own
-borders&mdash;living by thievery and lawlessness. Crime has increased so
-rapidly of late that a comparative estimate is impossible. That, too,
-is the nature of terror.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>Today the government would force these erstwhile workers back to
-the hearts of the targets&mdash;force them by law back to the factories to
-engage again in the production of death and destruction.</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>'Necessary,' the statesmen say. 'Necessary to national safety.' But
-with the statesmen's words comes the obvious question: Is there still
-any national safety left for any nation? Does it exist anywhere, to be
-preserved? Haven't the fleeing nomads asked themselves this question
-already, turning their frightened eyes to the unprotecting skies?</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>But the statesman must speak&mdash;and he must speak logic, even now
-when logic has deserted us, and words can no longer save us. Every
-man&mdash;statesman or otherwise&mdash;knows that it is no longer a question of
-whether the bombs will drop&mdash;but when they will drop&mdash;and who will drop
-them&mdash;we or they?</i></p>
-
-<p>"<i>It is true that no nation has declared war, but terror declares its
-own war. Can we wait another day to take the initiative? Can they? The
-undeclared enemy may destroy us tomorrow&mdash;or tonight&mdash;even within the
-next few minutes. I may not live to finish this broadcast&mdash;and you may
-not live to hear it....</i>"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Suddenly there was a sharp click, and the voice stopped, silenced as
-effectively as though a wire had been knotted about the speaker's
-throat. Marc Pillsworth, startled at the sudden silence, snapped
-forward in his chair and looked up. Julie, the lamp light slanting
-sharply across her face, glared down at him with tense irritation. She
-removed her hand significantly from the radio switch.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm telling you, Marcus Pillsworth," she said menacingly, "I can't
-stand any more of it. If you turn on that bloody instrument again&mdash;if
-you so much as twitch your bony finger in its direction&mdash;one of us is
-going to die of unnatural causes, and you may have read that the female
-is notoriously more long-lived than the male."</p>
-
-<p>Marc stared at her incredulously through the chill dimness of the
-living room. Then he sighed heavily. This also was the nature of human
-terror: every man was married to a shrew these days. Women simply
-weren't up to it.</p>
-
-<p>But Julie had been better than most&mdash;until now. He looked at the
-tightly drawn lips, the circled eyes and tried to remember his wife's
-cool blonde beauty as it had been only a month ago. The contrast was
-disquieting. Well, these were harrowing times for her.</p>
-
-<p>But they were just as harrowing for everyone else&mdash;for him. She ought
-to realize that. Suddenly, unaccountably, Marc felt his self-control
-slipping away from him with all the sleazy inevitability of a pair of
-silk shorts with rotten elastic. Suddenly the distorted face across the
-room was not at all the face of his wife, but the face of a vindictive
-stranger who had invaded his rights and his privacy with definite
-malice in mind. Reason left him, and, with a black sucking feeling in
-the pit of his stomach, he felt the last measure of his reserve trickle
-down the drain. Gripping the arms of his chair, he jutted his face out
-into the light and deliberately leered.</p>
-
-<p>"With the world coming down around our ears," he snarled, "I suppose
-you expect me to sit here complacently simpering and snickering and
-snapping my gum like an addled adolescent? Don't you care that we may
-all go to blazes in the next few minutes?"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" Julie screamed, fitting a direct answer to a direct question.
-"No, I don't care. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired through with caring.
-And I'm tired of you sitting there with those great elephantine ears of
-yours hinged to that radio. You've been at it day in, day out, day in,
-day out, day in...!"</p>
-
-<p>"Stop repeating yourself like some idiot tropical bird," Marc snapped.</p>
-
-<p>"Why don't you ever go down to the office any more?" Julie asked with
-womanly logic. "Why don't you get out of here and leave me alone?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In heavy martyrdom Marc lifted his eyes to the ceiling. What was the
-use? Why go through it all again? He'd explained to her a million
-times that he no longer had any <i>reason</i> to go to the office. The
-advertising business had been one of the first to suffer. Who cared
-what the advertising industry had to say at a time like this? Who
-wanted to be beautiful or healthy or envied when there wasn't any
-future in it?</p>
-
-<p>"Turn the radio on," he said steadily.</p>
-
-<p>Julie's eyes actually sparked flame. "<i>What?</i> Do you really have the
-grassy green gall to ask me to turn that thing on again? I don't
-believe my ears!"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm not asking," Marc said slowly, "I'm <i>instructing</i> you to."</p>
-
-<p>"Hah!" Julie snorted to some invisible spectator. "Listen to him!" She
-eyed him nastily. "Ask me to shinny up the doorsill and do a swan dive
-into my cocktail. I'll do that sooner."</p>
-
-<p>Marc met her gaze for a moment and momentarily declined the challenge.
-"I suppose you just want to sit here and never know what hit you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Exactly," Julie said. "For heaven's sake what does it matter what hits
-us after we're dead? At least I don't want to sit here chewing my nails
-while some morbid-minded deficient drives me into a state of complete
-nervous collapse."</p>
-
-<p>Marc disengaged himself from his chair. She had a point there, though
-he'd rot before he admitted it. With considerable unconcern he moseyed
-across the room and glanced out the window. Then he stopped and leaned
-closer to the pane. Across the street the world was already ablaze. The
-night sky glowed red with flame.</p>
-
-<p>"My God!" he cried. "The Fredericks are on fire!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie moved to his side and stared out the window.</p>
-
-<p>"Who are those people?" she asked. "The ones sitting on the lawn there?"</p>
-
-<p>Marc directed his gaze to the right. He should have seen them sooner,
-except that one's sense of logic, when one is witnessing a fire, does
-not readily encompass a group of people lounging on blankets in the
-glowing radiance&mdash;especially when those people are concerned more with
-food, drink and cards than with the fire&mdash;and more especially when the
-owners of the flaming dwelling are prominent among those present....</p>
-
-<p>"Aren't those the Fredericks?" Julie asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Do you suppose they've noticed the house?" Marc asked. "But I suppose
-they must."</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe not," Julie said. "They've been drunk for days. It started out
-as a house warming party. Do you suppose this is their idea of a joke?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc turned away. "The papers are full of this sort of thing. The
-anxiety has driven people mad." Then suddenly he stiffened. "Maybe
-they've heard something! Maybe they've decided to burn their home
-rather than let the enemy do it for them." He ran to the radio and
-snapped the switch.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Beside every man stalks the black shadow of doom...!</i>" the announcer
-groaned.</p>
-
-<p>At the window Julie instantly snapped to a position of rigid erectness.
-With cold fury she turned and regarded Marc's lank figure bent
-attentively to the radio speaker. Her eyes rested on her husband's
-impassive posterior, and glittering, unbridled madness flickered in
-their depths.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>When will the attack fall?</i>" the announcer inquired, and Julie
-answered him without hesitation. "Now, brother," she murmured. "Right
-now!"</p>
-
-<p>Unaware of the declaration of hostilities from the rear, Marc hung on
-the words of the announcer: "<i>We can only brace ourselves and hope....</i>"</p>
-
-<p>It was a pity he did not have the foresight&mdash;or perhaps hindsight&mdash;to
-follow the announcer's advice. In the next moment Julie's foot,
-propelled so as to accomplish the same work as an iron sledge,
-completed an arc that terminated in what might crudely be called a
-bull's eye.</p>
-
-<p>With a scream of mortal agony, Marc started forward, and jutted his
-head forthwith into the speaker of the radio. There was a dreadful
-splintering sound, and then with a squeal, not unlike Marc's, the
-announcer fell silent.</p>
-
-<p>Marc was unaware of this latter development; both his soul and body
-were too consumed with throbbing pain to be concerned any longer with
-such trivialities as the X Bomb and the demise of the world. The world
-could go to hell in beach sandals and it would be as nothing to the
-awful thing which had befallen him. Thrusting his hands forcibly to the
-seat of his anguish, he dislodged his head from the radio and regarded
-Julie from a crouching position. Clutching himself in a most unmindful
-way he stared up at his mate with almost animal loathing.</p>
-
-<p>"What a rotten thing to do!" he rasped. "And what a fiendish place to
-do it! You ... you're ... you're <i>inhuman</i>!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie laughed evilly. "I warned you, you reptile! I told you I couldn't
-stand any more!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc grimaced as a new wave of pain surged upward through his body. "I
-just hope you're proud, waiting until a man's got his back turned and
-then kicking him in the...!"</p>
-
-<p>"There's no need to be crude about it," Julie cut in quickly.</p>
-
-<p>"That's funny, that is!" Marc snapped, baring his teeth. "<i>Me</i>&mdash;crude!
-What about you? I suppose you've been the perfect little lady in this
-affair? I'm not surprised you can't bear to face your crime!"</p>
-
-<p>"Vulgar!" Julie yelled. "Vulgar, skinny man!"</p>
-
-<p>Marc glanced at the radio. "You've ruined it!"</p>
-
-<p>"You ruined it yourself. Though I will say that if you hadn't, I had
-every intention of taking a meat axe to it."</p>
-
-<p>"And to me, too, I dare say. A nice way for a wife to go on to a
-husband who has cherished and protected her."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, stop it, you ninny," Julie said. "Stop carrying on as though I'd
-murdered you."</p>
-
-<p>"I'd have preferred to be murdered," Marc said, shuddering with pain.</p>
-
-<p>"Stop crouching like that," Julie said. "And stop holding yourself
-in that suggestive way. You look like a child with uncertain habits.
-Straighten up."</p>
-
-<p>Marc considered the matter of straightening up; never had he felt so
-strongly the need to rise to his full height. He relinquished his
-grip on himself and tried to unbend. Instantly he fell back into the
-crouching position with a cry of pain.</p>
-
-<p>"I can't!" he cried. "I can't straighten up!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie's expression swiftly undertook a series of transformations
-ranging from suspicion to chagrin to abject contrition.</p>
-
-<p>"Of course you can," she said anxiously. "Try."</p>
-
-<p>"I can't, I tell you!" Marc gritted. "And it serves you right. As a
-matter of fact I hope I stay this way, and you have to spend the rest
-of your days explaining to everyone how it happened. You've dislocated
-my sacroiliac, that's what you've done, you brutish female!"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no!" Julie gasped. "Oh, Marc!" She ran toward him.</p>
-
-<p>"Get away from me!" Marc snarled. "Don't you touch me, you Judith
-Iscariot!"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, dear!" Julie wailed. She held our a hand. "I'll get a doctor, the
-one down the block. Don't do anything. I'll be right back." She started
-toward the door.</p>
-
-<p>"Tell him how it happened!" Marc called after her spitefully. "Tell him
-how you kicked your own husband in the...!"</p>
-
-<p>But the door slammed as Julie hurried out of the house and down the
-steps.</p>
-
-<p>Marc returned his hands gingerly to his pulsing bottom and stared
-gloomily at the floor.</p>
-
-<p>"Damn!" he said. "Damn, damn, damn!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The doctor strapped a final length of adhesive across Marc's back and
-helped him into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.</p>
-
-<p>"It may be tender for a day or two," he said. He helped Marc into his
-pajama coat. "You'll be all right, though. You can have Mrs. Pillsworth
-take that tape off for you at the end of the week."</p>
-
-<p>"I'll wear it to my grave," Marc snapped, "before I'll permit that
-woman to touch me again."</p>
-
-<p>"Now, now, Mr. Pillsworth," the doctor temporized. "You'll feel better
-in the morning." He turned and picked up his case. "I imagine those
-sedatives will take care of everything for tonight."</p>
-
-<p>"Thank you, doctor," Marc said gratefully, and sank back rigidly on the
-bed. Lying down, held stiffly by the tape, he was forced to watch the
-doctor from the corner of his eye.</p>
-
-<p>"Goodnight, doctor."</p>
-
-<p>"Goodnight." The doctor nodded from across the room and opened the door
-to leave. Julie was revealed wringing her hands in the hallway. She
-stepped forward.</p>
-
-<p>"How is he, doctor?" she asked. "May I see him now?"</p>
-
-<p>"Keep her out!" Marc growled from his pillow. "If she so much as sticks
-a hand in here I'll bite it!"</p>
-
-<p>The doctor took Julie's arm. "Don't worry," he said. "Everyone's a
-little neurotic these days." He guided her back into the hall and
-closed the door.</p>
-
-<p>Marc shifted his gaze from the door to the ceiling. The laughter of
-the Fredericks and their guests drifted in through the open window,
-and he reflected on its quality: it was the laughter of desperation,
-not abandoned. Then the scream of a fire siren sounded faintly in the
-distance, and a woman echoed the cry weirdly from somewhere down the
-block&mdash;another patient for the good doctor.</p>
-
-<p>Marc closed his eyes and waited for the sedatives to work. An echo of
-pain throbbed along his spine. He tried to shift a bit, but the tape
-held him in place, and the pain was only worse for the effort. He
-looked at the ceiling again and noted its singular blankness without
-pleasure. Finally he decided to turn his mind to other things&mdash;to
-the past and happier circumstances. Instantly, without any conscious
-cooperation, Toffee's pert face stirred in his memory. The ghost of a
-smile played at the corners of his mouth.</p>
-
-<p>Not that the thought of Toffee was undilutedly pleasant. The gamin
-creature of his mind had a strong predisposition for trouble as well as
-pleasure&mdash;a sort of special magnetism that drew calamity to herself as
-well as the hapless souls around her. And yet the basic feeling, when
-thinking of Toffee, was one of distinct cheer. If trouble came to her
-it was never altogether unmixed with a certain element of hilarity.
-There was always a dash of excitement at least.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Naturally Toffee had not been in Marc's mind at all these last few
-months. For one thing he had been much too concerned with the perilous
-state of the world, and Toffee, not a consistent inhabitant of this
-world, or much of any other, was difficult to picture in conjunction
-with truly worldly matters.</p>
-
-<p>If it could be said that Toffee lived at all, it would have to be the
-Valley of Marc's mind. Not that she wasn't quite real; it was just that
-she did not exist materially unless she was projected into the material
-world through Marc's imagination. After that she was as flesh and blood
-as anyone&mdash;indeed, to an almost overwhelming degree at times.</p>
-
-<p>If Marc had grown used to this strange circumstance&mdash;that his mind
-could actually create a living, breathing perfect hellion of a
-redhead&mdash;it was only by virtue of repetition. The human mind can adjust
-to the wildest of impossibilities in time, if it is only subjected to
-them often enough.</p>
-
-<p>The smile grew on Marc's lips as he considered the provocative form and
-features of Toffee. It was a vision to prod the sternest lips into a
-smile.</p>
-
-<p>Then the smile vanished as Julie's footsteps sounded outside in the
-hallway. Marc listened to their approach, turning his eyes toward the
-door.</p>
-
-<p>He could almost see her standing there in the hallway beyond the closed
-door. Desolated with remorse, she would be, undecided. A trickle of
-compassion gullied the surface of Marc's resentment. After all, she
-had really meant to hurt him. He would have called out to her, but the
-footsteps sounded anew and retreated down the hall. A moment later a
-door opened and closed. Marc sighed; tomorrow would be time enough to
-make it up to her.</p>
-
-<p>He closed his eyes as a slow drowsiness began to seep through his lean
-body&mdash;probably the sedatives going to work. His mind wandered aimlessly
-for a moment, then collided, quite forcibly, with a sudden realization;
-during the last hour&mdash;for the first time in weeks&mdash;his thoughts had
-turned away from the dismal state of the world and centered on himself.
-For a whole hour his interest had been entirely absorbed in a simple
-domestic crisis&mdash;a little thing like a fight over the radio!</p>
-
-<p>Marc's mind spun with the thought. In the last few months things&mdash;the
-matters of men's lives&mdash;had somehow gotten themselves all turned around
-backwards. People had ceased to concern themselves with the really
-important things&mdash;fighting over a radio, for instance&mdash;and had turned
-to the childish business of blowing up the world.</p>
-
-<p>Marc paused to sum up these thoughts. Somewhere they contained a very
-great and very simple truth, though they were all snarled up. Somehow
-his dislocated sacroiliac and the troubles of the world were subtly
-related....</p>
-
-<p>The drowsiness washed over his mind again, and the thought was carried
-away on the crest. He reached after them, but couldn't quite make it.
-There was but one last glimmer:</p>
-
-<p>"What this world needs," Marc murmured, "is a good five ton kick in
-the...."</p>
-
-<p>His eyes closed, and instantly his chest began to rise and fall with
-the deep, regular breathing of complete sleep.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>A warm breeze dusted the edge of the curtain and set it rippling.
-Somewhere in the night, in the distance across the city, a siren wailed
-with inconsolable melancholy. A cat stalked the intersection, as silent
-and intense as his leopard-long shadow. In his narcotic slumbers Marc
-rolled a bit to one side and made a small whimpering sound as the
-adhesive pulled at his back. He lay back and was still.</p>
-
-<p>But Marc had dismissed all conscious memory of his injury some time
-hence. In the same moment when he had fallen asleep he had left the
-room of the rippling curtain and unhappy echoes and had passed into the
-untroubled, all-black world of unconsciousness.</p>
-
-<p>Now, however, he stirred again, and with that almost indiscernible
-movement, leaped from the darkness into lighter regions; into the
-secret, all-things-are-possible world of his subconscious&mdash;into the
-world where dreams can become more real than reality itself. Marc
-paused on the brink of this world for one tremulous moment, then
-plunged forward....</p>
-
-<p>Brilliant light shot up to meet him so that he had to close his eyes
-against the glare. Then, slowly, he opened them again. Much like the
-sensation of stepping onto cool lawn after having walked barefoot on
-scorching concrete, pain was swiftly followed by almost unbearable
-pleasure.</p>
-
-<p>Before Marc's gaze a soft greenness stretched away from him into
-graceful rising slopes and cool shadowed hollows&mdash;artfully like a
-display of green velvet in a shop window. On the rise of the most
-distant knoll stretched a forest of strange trees which held at once a
-cathedral of stateliness and a feathery pliability. Weaving slightly
-with the breeze they were mindful of nothing so much as a handful of
-royal plumes stuck into the earth at the whim of a bemused child. The
-Valley of The Subconscious Mind....</p>
-
-<p>Marc knew instantly where he was; he'd been there often enough before.
-He glanced around in search of some movement, some flash of animated
-color. But there was nothing. He started up the rise, stretching his
-long legs purposefully before him. Surely she would be there, probably
-among the trees.</p>
-
-<p>But she was not. Nor was there any sign of her. Marc moved to the crest
-of the knoll where the trees were the thickest, but the far horizon
-proved to be obscured by a blue mist that swirled and disported itself
-in the way of something alive. He stood there for a long moment,
-turning slowly, watching anxiously for any sign, but there was none.
-Finally he sat down, braced his elbows on his knees and rested his
-chin in his hand. Disappointment welled inside him&mdash;and hurt too;
-always before she had been right there to meet him at the moment of his
-arrival.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>He stiffened with a sudden, dreadful thought: what if Toffee wasn't
-there at all? What if she had ceased to exist? Wasn't it possible
-since she was only a product of his imagination? He stood up and again
-scanned the horizon. He bent down to peer into the shifting frontiers
-of the mists.</p>
-
-<p>And then it happened. It was low and mean and sharply reminiscent of a
-similar agony which had befallen him in another time and place that he
-couldn't rightly remember. Grabbing himself uninhibitedly he doubled
-forward and sat down heavily on the ground.</p>
-
-<p>Then it was over as swiftly and surprisingly as it had begun. The air
-rippled with musical, feminine laughter, somewhere behind him. Marc
-swung around.</p>
-
-<p>Lovely as ever, her mist-textured tunic only served to cast a cool
-greenish tint on the flesh of the outrageously perfect body beneath
-it. As she moved from beneath the trees, her flaming hair fell loose
-about her shoulders, as free and wild as the spirit it adorned. Though
-her full red lips quivered with laughter, the real laughter was in the
-depths of her green eyes. She paused for a moment, then ran forward and
-sat down lightly at his side. She eyed him with mischievous amusement.</p>
-
-<p>"You dilapidated old despot," she smiled. "It's about time you showed
-that simpering old face of yours around here again."</p>
-
-<p>Marc, mindful of his recent discomfiture, returned her gaze with chilly
-suspicion. But if Toffee noticed she pretended not to. With a quick
-maneuver which was executed with the skill and precision obtainable
-only through long and diligent practice, she twined her arms about his
-neck and kissed him full upon the mouth. Marc received the kiss with
-unblinking aloofness. His gaze remained hostile even as she leaned back
-from him.</p>
-
-<p>"You kicked me," he said injuredly.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee's eyes widened with enormous innocence. "You've got it wrong. I
-kissed you, that's all."</p>
-
-<p>"Kicked," Marc said stubbornly. "You kicked me."</p>
-
-<p>"Where?"</p>
-
-<p>"Never mind."</p>
-
-<p>"I was yards away from you at the time," Toffee said. "You saw me,
-yourself."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc reflected. It was true; she hadn't even been in sight. Still,
-experience had taught him that she was capable of anything, perhaps
-even a long-distance boot in the bottom.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, somebody did it," he said sullenly.</p>
-
-<p>"I swear it wasn't me," Toffee said stoutly. "I swear it on the old
-bald head of my maternal grandfather."</p>
-
-<p>"You haven't got a maternal grandfather," Marc said shortly. "Don't
-talk nonsense."</p>
-
-<p>"If I had a maternal grandfather," Toffee amended smoothly, "and he had
-an old bald head, I would unhesitatingly swear on it."</p>
-
-<p>"You would just as unhesitatingly lop it off with an axe, too," Marc
-said, "if it served your purpose."</p>
-
-<p>"Who wouldn't?" Toffee said. "Who wants an old bald head around all the
-time? Even a maternal grandfather's?"</p>
-
-<p>"You haven't got a grandfather," Marc reminded her sharply, "maternal
-or otherwise."</p>
-
-<p>"Certainly, I have," Toffee said stoutly. "I just swore on his old bald
-head, didn't I? Or did I swear <i>at</i> his old bald head? I wouldn't be
-surprised. He's always whining around about how maternal he is, and I
-know darned well he's never been a mother in his life. It's disgusting."</p>
-
-<p>"Sometimes I wonder why I even listen to you," Marc said. "I only get
-dizzy."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it's no wonder I'm flighty with that nasty old man under foot
-all the time," Toffee said. "If you'd just speak to this maternal
-grandfather of mine and tell him to stop sticking his old bald head
-into everything...."</p>
-
-<p>"Stop!" Marc cried. "If you go on any more about it I'll start foaming
-at the mouth!"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee lay back on the grass and stretched her arms thoughtfully above
-her head.</p>
-
-<p>"Anyway," she said. "I swear my foot has not so much as brushed the
-seat of your pants." But even as she said it a smile played fleetingly
-at the corners of her mouth.</p>
-
-<p>Marc turned to her, prepared to the last inflection to inform her that
-he would trust her only a little less farther than he could hurl a
-steam shovel with his bare teeth, but he did not speak. His gaze went
-to her left hand and remained there.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In all the time he had known her Marc had never seen Toffee wear even
-a single piece of jewelry: it was taken for granted that her charms
-were sufficient unto themselves without any superficial ornamentation.
-One might be silly enough to apply gilt to a lily, but never to a gold
-piece. Therefore, he was surprised now to glance down and see quite a
-large ring on her finger.</p>
-
-<p>And the ring itself was quite as remarkable as the fact of Toffee's
-wearing it. Marc had never seen anything like it before and was willing
-to bet a tidy sum that no one else had either.</p>
-
-<p>The metal part of the ring was neither silver nor gold, yet faintly
-resembled both&mdash;with a strange translucent quality that seemed
-altogether unreal. It had been fashioned into a design that was both
-simple and beautiful. But it was really the stone which caught and held
-Marc's eye.</p>
-
-<p>Such a stone was simply not possible! It resembled an emerald of the
-largest, rarest and most beautiful kind, and yet it was not an emerald.
-No mere emerald, no natural chemical fluke, could possibly have the
-life&mdash;the almost living vitality&mdash;of this stone. It gave off a light
-that met the eye with something like an electrical shock. But that
-wasn't all. It was the <i>feeling</i> you got just from looking at it&mdash;that
-the stone both absorbed from and contributed to the living atmosphere
-around it. The thing actually assumed a personality as you stared at
-it. Marc felt a shiver of apprehension.</p>
-
-<p>"Where did you get that ring?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, that," Toffee said negligently. "Just something I dreamed up out
-of my head&mdash;the way you dream me up."</p>
-
-<p>"You mean...?"</p>
-
-<p>"Sure," Toffee nodded. "You aren't the only one around here who can do
-cerebral somersaults. After all, I'm right here at the source. As a
-matter of fact it was something you said that gave me the idea."</p>
-
-<p>"What do you mean?" Marc asked. "What did I say?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, I forget just how it went right now," Toffee said. "Besides
-there'll be lots of time for all this dull conversation later. Right
-now...."</p>
-
-<p>"Are you trying to hold something back from me?" Marc asked
-suspiciously.</p>
-
-<p>"Nothing," Toffee said. She pulled herself closer, brushed her lips
-playfully across his cheek. "Absolutely nothing." She slipped her arm
-around his neck.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The next few seconds were characterized with quiet struggle as Marc
-disengaged himself from her determined embrace.</p>
-
-<p>"Next time hold something back," he said confusedly. "There's just so
-much that human flesh and blood can stand, you know."</p>
-
-<p>"And you have so little of either," Toffee said. She gazed at him
-reflectively. "Kissing you is like tying on your bib over a plate of
-bleached bones."</p>
-
-<p>"Leave it to you to paint a disgusting picture," Marc shuddered.</p>
-
-<p>"Give me a good heaping plate of bleached bones any time," Toffee said.
-"I'd prefer it."</p>
-
-<p>"May I remind you," Marc said coolly, "that it was you who hurled
-yourself into my arms? You seemed to be all for it at the time."</p>
-
-<p>"Merely the touch of the artist," Toffee said archly. "Just fitting
-myself into a part."</p>
-
-<p>"Have I ever thought to tell you," Marc said, "that you are the most
-unprincipled, low-minded...?"</p>
-
-<p>Then suddenly his voice dried in his throat. His gaze darted away from
-Toffee's face and swept frightenedly across the horizon.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, my gosh!" he cried.</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly, like a slow dissolve in a movie, the little valley was simply
-melting away into black nothingness. Already the distant trees had
-disappeared. Marc jumped to his feet.</p>
-
-<p>"Look!" he yelled. "Look!"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee was instantly beside him. For a moment she gazed on the
-horrifying spectacle, then tugged imperatively at his sleeve.</p>
-
-<p>"Come on!" she cried. "Let's run!"</p>
-
-<p>But as they turned in the other direction the blackness only rushed at
-them anew; it was coming all around them. They stopped short.</p>
-
-<p>"Will we drop away into nothing?" Toffee wailed, "or just melt away
-with everything else?"</p>
-
-<p>"We'll find out soon enough," Marc moaned.</p>
-
-<p>And perhaps a bit sooner, it seemed, for even as Marc spoke, the
-darkness swooped to within yards of them.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee drew close to Marc, trembling a bit, and he placed his arm about
-her shoulders. They stood in expectant silence for a moment, watching
-the greenness disappear around them. Then, all at once, it was gone
-beneath them.</p>
-
-<p>It was just as they plunged downward into the darkness that Toffee
-threw her arms about Marc's neck and held tight....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The world reeled drunkenly through space ... whirled away with
-egg-shaped lopsidedness ... and then there was nothing left anywhere
-but the original dough from which everything had been made in the first
-place ... messy, clammy stuff ... and you sank deeper and deeper into
-it no matter how hard you struggled. Marc tried to cry out....</p>
-
-<p>And then there was an answer, a scraping of metal on metal. A light
-showed ahead, dulled and heavily diffused, but it came suddenly. A
-voice spoke encouragement....</p>
-
-<p>"Just a minute, and I'll dig you out. How you ever managed to get
-snarled up like that flat on your back...."</p>
-
-<p>The voice continued scolding him with affection, and a minute later the
-doughy mass was pulled aside, and he could see that it was only the
-perspiration-covered sheets. He looked at them, then beyond them to
-Julie's gently smiling face. Morning was crowding into the room through
-the windows behind her.</p>
-
-<p>"'Morning," he said sheepishly. "Thanks."</p>
-
-<p>In silence Julie handed him a glass of orange juice, and he boosted
-himself forward to drink it.</p>
-
-<p>"How's your ... your back?" she asked tentatively. "Is it better?"</p>
-
-<p>Marc returned the glass to her, tried a few movements involving his
-mummified spine. There was no definite pain, only a suggestion of
-stiffness.</p>
-
-<p>"Brand new," he said, and smiled.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, I'm so relieved!" Julie breathed. She sat down close beside him on
-the bed. "I'm sorry, Marc."</p>
-
-<p>For a moment they only looked at each other. Then, suddenly breaking
-into laughter, they fell into each other's arms.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, Marc!" Julie cried. "I haven't been so happy in months. I don't
-know why. Nothing's changed; everything's in the same old mess, and
-considering what I did to you last night I ought to feel just awful.
-But I don't, and I just can't explain it."</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe I can," Marc said slowly. "I think ... just before I fell asleep
-last night ... I think something very important occurred to me. I
-think...!"</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly his voice degenerated into a thin wheeze as the air rushed out
-of his lungs. He looked as though nothing of even minor importance had
-passed through his mind from the day of his birth. Julie looked up at
-him with anxious surprise.</p>
-
-<p>"What is it, dear?" she asked. "What's wrong?"</p>
-
-<p>Marc didn't answer; he only stared&mdash;into the mirror across the room.
-Even as he watched, the horrifying thing he had witnessed a moment
-before repeated itself.</p>
-
-<p>Across the room, almost exactly opposite the mirror was a small alcove,
-just big enough to accommodate his desk and filing cabinet. When the
-compartment was not in use a set of curtains concealed its existence.
-It was the reflection of these curtains and their sudden curious
-behavior which had set Marc's hair on end.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>For curtains which were meant only to hang blissfully on metal rods
-and behave themselves, these were weaving about in a most distressing
-fashion. In fact they were carrying on in such a loose-minded way that
-it was a wonder Marc did not return his head to the cover of the soggy
-sheets and leave it there just to be spared the sight.</p>
-
-<p>As it was, Marc peered wildly into the mirror as the curtains suddenly
-parted themselves, took on individual lives of their own, and began to
-twist about in the air in a way that defied all reason. This continued
-for several seconds, then matters got worse.</p>
-
-<p>The curtain on the left retreated from the performance and hung
-limp. Marc sighed a sigh of relief, only to catch his breath in a
-new convulsion of horror. The curtain on the right, not content with
-behaving like something human, had decided to look like something human
-as well. Actually, in the manner of a close fitting dress, the thing
-began to assume bumps and hollows of an extremely feminine and alarming
-nature. It was then, and only a moment before a flash of red hair
-showed around the edge of the curtain, that Marc realized the awful
-truth of the situation; Toffee had materialized. She had materialized
-in his bedroom, without any clothes, and was trying to fashion a dress
-for herself from the draperies.</p>
-
-<p>"Darling!" Julie cried. "Why are you looking like that? What's the
-matter?"</p>
-
-<p>Julie's voice suddenly reminded Marc of the real danger in the
-situation. He glanced up, reached out and gripped Julie's shoulders
-just in time to prevent her turning about to see what he was staring at.</p>
-
-<p>"There's nothing wrong!" He laughed falsely. "Everything's wonderful!
-Wonderful! Go get me some breakfast!"</p>
-
-<p>"What?" Julie asked confusedly.</p>
-
-<p>But Marc's gaze had again been captured by a movement in the mirror. As
-he looked up Toffee's reflection smiled brightly at him and waved.</p>
-
-<p>"Stay where you are!" Marc gibbered. "Go back!"</p>
-
-<p>"What?" Julie asked.</p>
-
-<p>Marc looked at her unhappily. "I'm starving!" he gibbered. "Get me
-something to eat! I may start gnawing on the bedpost in a minute!"</p>
-
-<p>"But you just said for me to stay where I was. Why?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, yes, I know," Marc said. He smiled feebly. "What I mean is that
-I'm hungry and want breakfast, but I hate to see you leave to get it
-because ... because it's so nice to see you this morning...."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Julie smiled uncertainly and patted his head. "I'll get you something
-right away," she said. "But I'll hurry."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, don't!" Marc said. "Take all the time you want!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie looked at him quizzically and started to rise from the bed.
-Unfortunately for everyone's peace of mind Toffee chose that moment to
-stick one shapely leg around the edge of the curtain.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't!" Marc yelled.</p>
-
-<p>Julie sat down quickly and reached a hand to Marc's brow. "But how can
-I get breakfast if I don't leave?" she asked patiently.</p>
-
-<p>Marc turned to her with an harrassed expression. "You can't!" he cried.
-"That's just it! So leave! Go on! Go 'way!"</p>
-
-<p>"What!" An expression of utter hopelessness came over Julie's face.</p>
-
-<p>"Go!" Marc said desperately. "Hurry!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie stared at him for a long moment. "Are you sure you aren't
-harboring some sort of terrible grudge against me for what I did last
-night?" she asked slowly. "I'll understand perfectly if...."</p>
-
-<p>"No, no, no!" Marc broke in. "I was never more fond of you than I am
-right at this minute. Go away."</p>
-
-<p>"All right," Julie said. "I'm going. But don't call me back this time
-the minute I make a move for the door."</p>
-
-<p>"I won't," Marc said. "I'll be silent as the grave."</p>
-
-<p>Julie leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the forehead, then started
-across the room toward the door. "I'll be back practically instantly."</p>
-
-<p>Quickly, Marc whirled around and stared in the direction of the alcove.
-As he did so the blood in his veins was sorely put to it whether to
-run hot or cold; Toffee, curve-some as a serpent and twice as fleshy,
-had stepped from behind the curtains and, at the moment, had arranged
-herself into a posture of highly seductive nature. This, judging by her
-expression, she considered humorous in the extreme. Not so, Marc.</p>
-
-<p>"No!" he cried. "Stop!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie did not bother to turn around; she merely stopped where she was
-in the doorway and placed her hands carefully on her hips. "Oh, no!"
-she groaned. "I've married a man who fancies himself a traffic signal!"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" Marc yelled. "Not you!"</p>
-
-<p>"Then who?" Julie asked with threadbare patience. "The twenty-seven
-little men with pointed heads sitting on the bureau? Is that who you
-mean, dearest?"</p>
-
-<p>"Just go!" Marc implored her. "Go!"</p>
-
-<p>"Stop, go, stop, go, stop go!" Julie shrilled. "I am not operated
-electrically. More's the pity!" Slowly she started to turn around to
-face her ever-changing spouse and&mdash;eventually&mdash;the nakedest redhead
-any wife ever had the sheer horror of discovering in her husband's bed
-chamber.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc felt fate bearing down on him in a way that made him understand
-the feelings of a deeply rooted daisy looking up at an approaching
-steam roller. He turned away and closed his eyes in the cowering aspect
-of one who expects to receive a load of brickbats on the nape of the
-neck. He stood, his nerves alerted against Julie's cry. There was a
-beat of silence&mdash;then it came.</p>
-
-<p>But it was not the cry that Marc had braced himself against. This cry
-was sharply out of character, not at all the triumphant cawe of a
-wronged wife laying hand to definite proof of her husband's perfidy.
-This was sheerly, unmistakably a cry of basic, physical pain.</p>
-
-<p>Marc opened his eyes and turned around, then started back with a gasp
-of surprise. Julie, the beauty who always walked in regal stateliness,
-whose every move and gesture was a masterpiece of living poetry, was
-suddenly squatting in the doorway, clutching at herself in a way which
-was not only ungainly but downright repellent.</p>
-
-<p>For a long moment surprise rendered Marc totally incapable of action.
-Then with a burst of logic and simultaneous realization, he whirled in
-Toffee's direction. Suddenly, this whole shuddering situation was all
-too clear to him.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee, now completely emerged from her place of hiding, turned and
-smiled at him in a conspiratorial and knowing way. Marc noticed that
-her left hand was raised significantly in Julie's direction, while the
-right was held over the face of the curious ring, as though shading it.</p>
-
-<p>He stared at her in horror; he couldn't imagine exactly what part the
-unearthly ring was playing in Julie's unlovely predicament, but he was
-absolutely certain that it was responsible to some degree or another.
-He was stunned beyond caution.</p>
-
-<p>"Stop that," he demanded angrily. "Stop that instantly!"</p>
-
-<p>Julie, still crouching in the doorway, her back to the room, trembled
-violently and turned her eyes to the ceiling.</p>
-
-<p>"Do you think I'm doing this because I like it?" she gritted between
-clenched teeth. "Do you actually imagine I wouldn't stop it if I could,
-you beast?"</p>
-
-<p>"Now, Julie...!" Marc turned about, held out an imploring hand to her
-arched back.</p>
-
-<p>"You shut up, you vindictive vermin!" Julie hissed, announcing her
-sentiments through the length of the outer hallway. "So you bear no
-grudge, huh? Hah! I'm only surprised you didn't break your back under
-the load!"</p>
-
-<p>"Julie...!" Marc pleaded. "You don't under...!"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" Julie broke in. "Oh, no! Don't you dare say I don't understand!
-And don't tell me I don't know when I've been brutally, wantonly and
-vengefully kicked from and in the rear!"</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Julie!</i>" Marc gasped. "I didn't kick you. I know it's hard to
-believe, but...."</p>
-
-<p>"You're darned tootin' it's hard to believe!" Julie sneered. "In fact
-it's impossible to believe, you liar!"</p>
-
-<p>"But...!"</p>
-
-<p>"Well, aren't you at least going to call the doctor? As inhuman as we
-both now know you to be, there must be some slim thread of decency
-somewhere in the tacky fabric of that character of yours."</p>
-
-<p>Marc turned beseechingly to Toffee.</p>
-
-<p>"Please," he implored her. "<i>Please!</i> You're not helping matters, you
-know, in taking that attitude."</p>
-
-<p>"Ohhh!" Julie groaned. "I didn't take this attitude, I was kicked into
-it!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>With a bland smile Toffee nodded to Marc. Then carefully she removed
-her hand from the ring, and there was a bright glitter from its
-surface. Toffee winked broadly and stepped back into the alcove. In
-the doorway Julie straightened instantly and turned around, her hands
-clenched tightly at her sides. She stretched her back tentatively.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, I'm all right again," she announced heavily. "No thanks to you,
-Mr. Wife Kicker!"</p>
-
-<p>"Julie ..." Marc began, "you've got to listen to me!"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no, I don't!" Julie corrected him emphatically. "I don't have to
-listen to you. All I have to do is convince myself that I like that
-lamp over there too well to shatter it on your skull." Calming herself
-with an effort, she eyed him with controlled malevolence. She breathed
-deeply. "I think I can trust myself now not to run to the kitchen for
-the ice pick." She turned away. "Goodbye, Mr. Marcus Pillsworth!"</p>
-
-<p>"Julie...!"</p>
-
-<p>"And may your soul blister in everlasting hell!" Julie added as she
-swept out of the room and into the hallway.</p>
-
-<p>Marc stood undecided for a moment. He started toward the hall, then
-checked himself and spun around in the direction of the alcove. Two
-striding steps brought him to the drapes, and with a single sweeping
-gesture of outrage, raked them aside. Toffee was disclosed sitting on
-the edge of the desk, one leg crossed casually over the other, blowing
-on her nails. She glanced up and smiled innocently.</p>
-
-<p>"Lo," she said.</p>
-
-<p>"Why you slithering little reptile!" Marc barked. "Of all the witless
-stunts...!"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee waggled a slender finger at his costume. "Has anyone ever told
-you how cunning you look in those pajamas?" she murmured. "Are they
-ripped that way on purpose for ventilation?"</p>
-
-<p>With a seizure of modesty Marc snatched at the curtains and clutched
-them around him. He looked rather like a Roman senator with his toga
-slipping. Toffee laughed.</p>
-
-<p>"I thought that would put the muzzle on you, you old Puritan," she
-said.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc drew himself up to his full six feet and two inches, and eyed her
-with lofty disdain. "You're in a nice position to talk," he observed
-frigidly.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm in a nice position for a lot of things," Toffee sighed, "but you'd
-never notice."</p>
-
-<p>Marc cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "Don't be brazen," he
-said. "I would offer you these curtains if I didn't need them so
-desperately myself."</p>
-
-<p>"Always the perfect host," Toffee commented.</p>
-
-<p>"Never mind me," Marc said. "What about you? Whatever possessed you to
-do a thing like that?"</p>
-
-<p>"Like what?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, stop it," Marc said wearily. "It was perfectly evident that you
-were at the bottom of that little demonstration."</p>
-
-<p>"At the bottom?" Toffee laughed. "You put it so well. Unless you wanted
-to say I was at the seat of things."</p>
-
-<p>"There you go. Just give you a simple statement and you squeeze enough
-dirt out of it to start a truck farm." Marc agitated his drapes.
-"Either you tell me what you're up to or I'll stop projecting you if I
-have to belt myself over the head with a sledge hammer."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee smiled slowly. "I might as well make a clean breast of it," she
-said. "If the anatomical reference doesn't strike you as too racy?"</p>
-
-<p>"Never mind," Marc said shortly. "You wouldn't recognize a moral
-scruple if it were presented to you in a glass jar."</p>
-
-<p>"Very well," Toffee said. "Apparently you've guessed the function of
-my ring." She held up her hand and the fearsome ornament glittered
-brightly. "Actually the stone projects a ray which, in effect,
-sensitizes the bones and tissues of the human body, separates them
-slightly according to how long you time the concentration, and holds
-them apart. Maybe you noticed that Julie, just before her accident, was
-slightly taller than usual. Anyway, once you have the subject focused,
-it's only a matter of breaking the ray quickly with the other hand.
-Things, drawn apart and out of line snap back with such a force that
-the subject might just as well be struck with a hammer." She looked at
-Marc. "See what I mean?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"I think so." Marc said slowly. "In other words you focused the
-radiation on the base of Julie's spine, drew ... uh ... things out
-of line, broke the suspending force suddenly, so that they jarred
-together with such momentum that they were thrown out of place ... the
-sacroiliac, in this case."</p>
-
-<p>"Exactly," Toffee said. "In effect, I simply gave your wife a good
-rousing kick in the...."</p>
-
-<p>"Croup," Marc supplied quickly.</p>
-
-<p>"In the croup," Toffee agreed. "And when I wanted her to get over it I
-merely pulled the ... things ... apart again, then released them more
-gently so as to return them to their proper adjustment."</p>
-
-<p>"But what I want to know," Marc said evenly, "is just what possessed
-you to demonstrate this diabolical little gadget on Julie?"</p>
-
-<p>"Two reasons," Toffee explained. "First to make sure the ring works the
-way I planned it, second to get Julie out of the way."</p>
-
-<p>"Get her out of the way?" Marc repeated apprehensively. "Now look
-here if you have any sordid notions about a dalliance on a divan, for
-instance...."</p>
-
-<p>"I always have those notions," Toffee said. "However at the moment I'm
-having them in conjunction with other notions." She smiled prettily.
-"I've come to straighten out the world."</p>
-
-<p>"You <i>what</i>?" Marc asked incredulously.</p>
-
-<p>"You will admit it needs straightening out?" Toffee asked complacently.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, yes," Marc said. "But believe me the one thing it doesn't need
-is your ministrations. It couldn't take it. And I wish you'd get rid of
-that filthy ring."</p>
-
-<p>"Why should I?" Toffee asked. "After all it was just as much your idea
-as mine."</p>
-
-<p>"My idea?" Marc said. "How do you figure that?"</p>
-
-<p>"You said it plain as anything," Toffee said, "last night, just before
-you went to sleep. You said the world needed a good swift kick."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, my gosh!" Marc said. "And so you've...!" He pointed at the ring.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee nodded proudly. "I'm the girl that's right in there with the
-goods. Everything will be just dandy in no time."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Oh, Lord!" Marc groaned. "Of all the things I've said in my life, you
-would have to pick on that!" He stopped, sighed heavily, looked at her
-long and wearily. "Well, you can just pack up your ring and your sex
-appeal and trot right back to where you came from. Of all the idiotic
-notions...!"</p>
-
-<p>"Huh-uh," Toffee shook her head. "It's an idea that appeals to me.
-Besides, if enough of the right people get kicked in the right
-places ... well, what have we got to lose?"</p>
-
-<p>"Also," Marc said coolly, "I don't believe I thanked you yet for
-wrecking my home. I take it that is a sample of your methods for
-establishing unity and good will?"</p>
-
-<p>"Good will?" Toffee smiled. "I have other methods for that." She slid
-off the edge of the desk and moved purposefully toward him.</p>
-
-<p>"You lay a hand on these drapes," Marc said nervously, "and I'll
-scream. I mean it! Julie is still here, you know."</p>
-
-<p>Just then, as though to deliberately make a liar of him, the front door
-slammed downstairs.</p>
-
-<p>"We are quite, quite alone," Toffee murmured significantly.</p>
-
-<p>"Go away!" Marc said, trembling in his draperies. "Go back where you
-came from. Heaven knows things are bad enough already...."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, stop it," Toffee said. "We have business to attend to."</p>
-
-<p>"Business?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes. As long as I've gotten myself all materialized to save the world
-I suppose I might just as well pitch in and get it over with. Business
-before pleasure, as they say. I figure I can have these world affairs
-you've been brooding over set ship-shape in less time than it takes
-a flat-chested girl to shuck on her girdle. Then I'll be free to
-concentrate on you without interruption."</p>
-
-<p>"No!" Marc said suddenly. "I don't know why I waste my time listening
-to this prattle. Save the world! Indeed! I'm taking you down to the
-office where you can't harm anyone and leave you there till you decide
-to evaporate. Both the world and I have enough headaches already."</p>
-
-<p>"You've dropped your drapes," Toffee observed mildly.</p>
-
-<p>"Hang the drapes!" Marc said forcibly and, taking a hitch in his
-gaping pajamas, strode into the bathroom ... and locked the door.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Driving, particularly toward the center of the city, had lately
-become hazardous; the motorist never knew what insanity awaited him
-just around the next corner. At an intersection Marc stopped the car
-before a group of white-haired, bonneted old ladies who were gleefully
-engrossed in a game of croquet that had something to do with knocking
-your opponent's ball into an open manhole. At the sound of Marc's horn
-one of the aged gamesters glanced around demurely and peered at him
-through silver-rimmed glasses.</p>
-
-<p>"Can it, you creep," she shrilled. "You wanna louse my shot?"</p>
-
-<p>She might have said more except that her attention was suddenly drawn
-to the manhole, where the grimy head of a workman rose slowly like a
-soiled and rather timid moon. Lifting her skirts delicately so that
-only the minimum of ankle was exposed the lady minced daintily forward
-and belted the head a stunning blow with her mallet. Without a murmur
-the head retreated once more into the deeps of the city sewage system.</p>
-
-<p>"Danged whelp keeps poppin' up and spoilin' our innocent fun," the old
-lady said sullenly. "Does it just to aggravate us." She turned to one
-of her companions. "Shag me the bottle, Lana."</p>
-
-<p>The lady in question produced a bottle of bourbon from the folds of her
-skirt. "Right-o, Rita," she said. "Blood in your eye!"</p>
-
-<p>Marc shook his head sadly, but Toffee, huddled beside him in one of his
-topcoats, saw a certain charm in the sketch.</p>
-
-<p>"Personally," she said, "I like to see folks growing old disgracefully.
-It makes the inevitability of age more attractive. After a lifetime of
-perfecting sins and vices you ought to be able to take them with you at
-least as far as the grave."</p>
-
-<p>Passing by this bit of lopsided philosophy, Marc wheeled the car onto
-the sidewalk and skirted the field of play.</p>
-
-<p>"The whole world's gone mad," he murmured.</p>
-
-<p>It was a block later, at the sight of the Empire Department Store, that
-Toffee instructed Marc to stop the car.</p>
-
-<p>"I want to pick up a few fine feathers," she explained. "I may want to
-take a flier later on."</p>
-
-<p>"You won't need clothes," Marc informed her. "The office is most
-informal these days, especially since the staff has left."</p>
-
-<p>"If I'm going to languish," Toffee said, "I'm going to do it in silks
-and satins. Besides, if you don't stop I'll darned well cripple you
-with my jewelry."</p>
-
-<p>Marc pulled the car to the curb without further discussion.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>They left the car and entered the Empire, where aisles and counters
-stretched into the distance over gleaming floors. A dark girl with
-circles under her eyes lounged dreamily at a counter displaying gloves
-and handbags. They approached. But just as they did so a short, stocky
-individual in a turtle-neck sweater hurried up to the girl from the
-opposite direction. He stopped abruptly and stuck a revolver in the
-girl's face, waggling it just beneath her nose. Crossing her eyes
-drowsily, the girl observed the gun, then the man.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, fer Cris'sake," she murmured.</p>
-
-<p>"Hand over the cash, sister," the man growled.</p>
-
-<p>"Okay," the girl yawned. "Only don't rush me, see?" She reached under
-the counter and brought forth a bag such as money is kept in. She
-scratched herself delicately and dropped the bag on the counter. "I
-figured I'd have it ready this time," she said. "Anything else, sir?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah," the thug snarled, brandishing the gun anew. "Now lay down on
-the floor and don't open your trap until I'm gone."</p>
-
-<p>"Aw, that corny routine, huh?" the girl sneered.</p>
-
-<p>"G'wan!"</p>
-
-<p>The girl shrugged indifferently, then boosted herself away from the
-counter and disappeared slowly beneath its horizon. The thug departed
-in the direction of the street.</p>
-
-<p>For a moment Marc and Toffee were left to ponder this episode in
-solitude, then the girl slowly reappeared, leaned her elbows on the
-counter. She swiveled her bored eyes in their direction apathetically.</p>
-
-<p>"Yuh want something?" she drawled.</p>
-
-<p>"Aren't you going to scream or something?" Toffee asked with quiet
-curiosity.</p>
-
-<p>"Scream?" the girl asked. "What'd I want to scream for?"</p>
-
-<p>"Well," Toffee said. "It may be that I'm just the excitable type, but
-if I'd just been robbed I'd sound off like a crash alarm."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, that," the girl murmured. "That wasn't nothing, honey. Take a look
-over there."</p>
-
-<p>Marc and Toffee gazed in the direction she indicated&mdash;a counter laden
-with expensive handbags. As they looked a hand darted furtively from
-beneath the counter, grasped one of the bags and instantly disappeared
-again. A moment later the action was repeated.</p>
-
-<p>"What in the...?" Marc said.</p>
-
-<p>"A purse snatcher," the girl said. "He's good, too. He can clean out a
-whole counter in half an hour sometimes."</p>
-
-<p>"Don't you care?" Toffee asked.</p>
-
-<p>"I should care," the girl shrugged. "They're stealin' the store blind
-from end to end. What's the diff? What's the store going to do with
-money when it's blasted off the face of the earth?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Toffee and Marc, before they had had time to digest this, were diverted
-by a small movement at the end of the counter. The face of the thug who
-had presumably just departed appeared briefly from behind a display of
-gloves.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Psst!</i>" it said.</p>
-
-<p>"The place is infested!" Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>"Excuse me," the salesgirl said, "I'll be right back. If you see
-anything you like just slip it into your stocking, honey." She ambled
-over to the glove display. "Yeah?" she inquired.</p>
-
-<p>The face was joined by a hand bearing the money bag.</p>
-
-<p>"Here," he said, "I din' take nothin' outa it."</p>
-
-<p>"Don't you want it?" the girl asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Let's do it over again," the thug said. "Only this time give it a
-little somethin', will yuh? Scream and carry on a little bit so's I can
-get the feel of it better."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, okay," the girl said listlessly. She accepted the bag and returned
-to Marc and Toffee. "Whatta pest," she said. "All day all he does is
-hold me up, that's all, just hold me up. I get tired of it."</p>
-
-<p>"Doesn't the manager mind this sort of thing?" Marc asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Geez, no," the girl said. "The manager don't mind anything any more.
-Why should he? He'll cork off just as fast as the janitor when the
-bombs drop."</p>
-
-<p>At this juncture the thug stepped from behind the glove display, waving
-his gun excitedly.</p>
-
-<p>"This is a stickup!" he announced.</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the girl murmured. "What else?"</p>
-
-<p>"Go on an' scream," the bandit said in a lower tone. "You said you
-would. You promised."</p>
-
-<p>"So okay," the girl agreed. She turned to Marc and Toffee. "You see how
-it is&mdash;borin'." Then she threw back her head and gave vent to a shriek
-that echoed back from the high ceiling with all the painful discord of
-a trainload of jealous opera stars going through an underpass in full
-voice. When it was over she leaned back on the counter and stifled a
-yawn. "So was it okay?" she asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Not bad," the bandit said admiringly. "Now hand over the dough and git
-down on the floor!"</p>
-
-<p>"Aw, have a heart," the girl said. "I've been down on the floor so much
-today I'm beginning to feel like a dust mop." She nodded to Marc and
-Toffee. "Make them get down on the floor for a change."</p>
-
-<p>The thug glanced around, then quickly away. "I couldn't!" he whispered.
-"They're total strangers!"</p>
-
-<p>"Take the money and git," the girl said. "And don't come bringin' it
-back, 'cause I'm through for today. I'm bushed."</p>
-
-<p>"Okay," the thug said. "Okay. You don't have to get sore about it!"
-Drawing himself up, he departed in a huff of indignation.</p>
-
-<p>"Now," the girl said. "What was it you wanted?" But just then the
-hand of the purse snatcher eased up to the counter and started edging
-toward her. She reached out and dealt it a stinging blow. "Sometimes
-he takes it into his head to pinch some things that ain't purses," she
-explained. "A girl's got to keep an eye on the shifty little devil or
-she might get the shock of her life."</p>
-
-<p>"Where could we find the manager of the store?" Marc asked. "I think if
-we talked to him directly...."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Just then from across the store came the fearsome sound of steel jaws
-closing with a vicious snap, this accompanied by the clatter of chains
-and a blood-chilling shriek of pain.</p>
-
-<p>"That's the manager now," the girl said unconcernedly. "I guess Dolly's
-got him trapped again. I'd know his scream anywhere."</p>
-
-<p>"Trapped?" Toffee asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah. Over in the sport's department. Last week she got him in a lion
-snare, but I guess she's back to her bear traps this week. They cripple
-him up so he can't get away so fast."</p>
-
-<p>"This Dolly," Toffee said. "She bears the manager ill will?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no," the girl said. "She's crazy about him. She's been after him
-for years and never got anywhere at all. I guess she figures time's
-runnin' out."</p>
-
-<p>"And this sport's department," Toffee asked. "They have a department
-just for sports? I mean, is this manager considered a sport?"</p>
-
-<p>"He's game," the girl said. "Let's put it that way. The sports
-department is where they sell equipment."</p>
-
-<p>"At least this Dolly suits the locale to the action," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>Just then the atmosphere was rent with another bellow of agony.</p>
-
-<p>"Come on," Marc said. "The poor devil needs help."</p>
-
-<p>"Be careful," the girl called after them as they started away. "He's
-mean when he's cornered. Snarls and spits like a mad badger. And that
-Dolly, she's been mean all her life."</p>
-
-<p>Marc and Toffee hurried to the sports section and stopped at the
-entrance with a gasp of dismay. At the far end of the department a
-camping display was being utilized for a scene of mad action.</p>
-
-<p>A young man of immaculate and personable countenance, one foot held
-fast between the jaws of a mammoth bear trap, was energetically
-distorting his features and making loud sounds of dissatisfaction.</p>
-
-<p>The cause of his predicament, a large, athletic, sharp-featured
-female, wearing tortoise shell glasses and tennis shorts, stalked him
-from behind a teepee. She was carrying a baseball bat, and a mad light
-glittered in her eyes. It would have been apparent to even a retarded
-child with a disturbed psyche that the young man's chances were slim.</p>
-
-<p>As Toffee and Marc watched, the young lady with the glasses leered
-evilly from around the edge of the teepee and flourished her bat in a
-few practice swipes.</p>
-
-<p>"Ho-ha!" she cried with primitive triumph. "So I've got you at last,
-you stinker!" She paused to cackle fiendishly to herself. "You won't
-get away this time. I'm going to pound that thick coco of yours so hard
-you won't wake up for centuries. And when you wake up&mdash;you know what?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The young man, who had ceased to snarl at the beginning of this
-overwrought recital, looked around apprehensively. "No," he said.
-"What?"</p>
-
-<p>"You are going to find yourself married, wed, hitched, spliced, mated,
-united, espoused, wived, coupled, joined and made one with me. You are
-going to be mine in twenty-three languages, in fifteen churches, ten
-civil ceremonies and a couple of uncivil ones I just thought up myself.
-How do you like them apples, Mr. Smart-stuff?"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the young man yelped, reaching for the jaws of the trap. "No!
-Never!"</p>
-
-<p>"Let go of that trap!" the girl yelled. "I'll lop your ears off just
-for the sheer hell of it!"</p>
-
-<p>"We'd better lend a hand here," Marc said. "She'll kill him with love."</p>
-
-<p>"I can't help admiring her frank, forthright manner," Toffee said. "And
-you can't deny that her intentions are almost too honorable. But I can
-see where a man might consider her undainty, especially the choosy
-kind." Marc started forward, but she reached out a hand and drew him
-back. "I'll take care of this," she said. She raised her hand and faced
-the ring in the direction of the infuriated Amazon.</p>
-
-<p>"Hurry up!" Marc said. "Shoot the current to her before she mashes him
-to a pulp!"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee carefully surveyed the scene of primitive love run amok.
-The assault on the hapless manager, no longer merely imminent, was
-developing rapidly into a crashing reality. The love-crazed Dolly had
-risen to her toes and hunched forward to gain the maximum devastation
-from the blow.</p>
-
-<p>"Hurry!" Marc said, and Toffee drew her hand down sharply over the
-face of the ring. The results in addition to being instantaneous were
-staggeringly bizarre.</p>
-
-<p>The stalking murderess abandoned her batting stance with a cry and
-straightened up throwing her hands over her head. The bat, gaining its
-freedom all of a rush sailed high in the air and fell to the floor with
-a crash. Dolly, as suddenly as she had righted herself, fell into a
-tormented crouch and hugged her bottom with both arms in a fair fit of
-devotion to the awful thing. Her glittering eyes seemed to spin wildly
-in their sockets, and she clenched her teeth in a manner suggesting
-that she had bitten into a high voltage socket and was prepared to blow
-a whole bin full of fuses.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Yeeeee-ow!</i>" she yelled in shrill tones.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The captive manager, having devined from the tone of Dolly's voice
-that the skull-splitting project had run into a snag, opened his eyes
-and glanced around hopefully. One peek, however, and his expression
-underwent a change, so that he looked for all the world like a young
-man who would have preferred immeasurably having his skull crushed to
-being confronted in this awful way with a crouching, teeth-gritting
-female who beyond any question of a doubt was preparing to spring upon
-him and rend him limb from limb with her bare fangs. He shuddered
-visibly and looked away. His lips quivered over prayers for an easy
-deliverance of his immortal soul. Toffee and Marc hurried forward to
-reassure him.</p>
-
-<p>Once the young man was released, he mopped his brow, glanced around
-with a sigh, and instantly spotted the fact that there remained
-something in the situation to be explained.</p>
-
-<p>"What's the matter with her?" he asked of his erstwhile captor. "Why is
-she all hunkered down like that?"</p>
-
-<p>"Either she's a hard loser," Toffee murmured, "or she needs more
-roughage. It's hard to say at a glance." She made a quick surreptitious
-pass at her ring, and the girl in question fell back limply on the
-false grass before the teepee.</p>
-
-<p>"Who prodded me with a riveting machine?" she asked belligerently.</p>
-
-<p>"I wish I had," the manager said, rubbing his ankle. He looked at the
-trap. "Damn thing's got a nasty bite. I tell you if I were a bear I'd
-be very careful around those things."</p>
-
-<p>"You can't blame a girl if she's got ingenuity," Dolly said sullenly.
-"I almost got you, too, you slippery devil."</p>
-
-<p>"You're fired," the manager said loftily.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, yeah?" Dolly said. "I don't quit, see? I haven't even tried guns,
-knives, hand grenades, bayonets, hand-to-hand combat and mousetraps
-yet. I'm starting in on light side-arms tomorrow."</p>
-
-<p>"Look," Marc said to the manager. "The young lady would like something
-to wear. We're in a hurry. I've got to get back home...."</p>
-
-<p>"Fine," the manager said. "I was on my way to the fashion salon when
-this morbid little affair befell me. I'm to meet Congressman Bloodsop
-there, too; he wanted to sit and look at the models. Come along."</p>
-
-<p>And the three of them left, leaving the luckless Dolly thoughtfully
-testing the blade of a machete with the tips of her fingers.</p>
-
-<p>"You see?" Toffee said to Marc. "You see how easily differences can be
-settled under the proper guidance?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The salon, it turned out, was on the fifth floor of the Empire. On the
-way the manager paused briefly in the silver department to confer with
-a small, detached looking lady called Miss Winters.</p>
-
-<p>"Things going well?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, divinely!" Miss Winters twittered. "Just like magic. They're
-simply cleaning out the department."</p>
-
-<p>"Bolting the meat and picking the bones, eh?" the manager beamed.
-"Stealing everything in sight, are they?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, just!" Miss Winters nodded. "To give them encouragement, every so
-often I close my eyes and feign deep concentration. Every time I open
-my eyes the place looks just a little more like a desert wasteland."</p>
-
-<p>"Just blinking away the merchandise, so to speak?"</p>
-
-<p>"How cleverly you put it, Mr. Baker! You always were the one with the
-well-turned phrase, though." She colored prettily at her own boldness.
-"How would you like to hear that we've lost better than twenty thousand
-dollars just since opening this morning?"</p>
-
-<p>"Splendid!" Mr. Baker said. "Splendid! Just keep up the good work, Miss
-Winters, and we'll be out of business in no time at all." As he turned
-away he smiled broadly at Marc and Toffee. "The sooner we unload all
-this junk the sooner we can close up and await the end with composure.
-As a matter of fact the advertising department has devised a little
-slogan: Steal at the Empire Before you Roast in Hellfire! Clever, eh?"</p>
-
-<p>"Frightfully," Toffee said, "in the strictest sense of the word."</p>
-
-<p>"Good grief," Marc said. "They're so used to the idea of dying, they're
-getting flip about it."</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe it's all for the best," Toffee said. "At least their last days
-will be pleasant."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>In the grey coolness of the fashion salon, Toffee, Marc and Mr. Baker,
-the manager, sank into low, comfortable chairs and accepted the
-services of a dark, aloof young lady who brought them drinks in tall,
-cool glasses. An orchestra played muted background music as from a
-misted distance. All in all the salon was a den of pleasant relaxation.</p>
-
-<p>Girls of all types and unparalleled beauty paraded constantly in the
-latest words from the fashion centers of the world. Some of the fashion
-designers, Toffee concluded approvingly, were given to very brief and
-suggestive words. She also noted&mdash;again with approval&mdash;that most of
-those in attendance were males.</p>
-
-<p>"They come here to make dates with the models," the manager explained.
-"But then the models come here to make dates with the men, so it's all
-right. I see Congressman Bloodsop hasn't arrived yet."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee leaned forward interestedly. "The congressman?" she said. "Tell
-me, is this Congressman Bloodsop a man of influence? Does he have
-connections in high places?"</p>
-
-<p>Marc interrupted the answer. "Pick out some clothes and let's leave,"
-he said impatiently. "I have to get home and start looking for Julie."</p>
-
-<p>"That can wait," Toffee said airily. She turned back to Mr. Baker with
-a smile. "You were saying...?"</p>
-
-<p>"The congressman has the best of connections," he said. "He's only been
-in office six months and he's already bilked the nation of millions."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Toffee said thoughtfully. "And if you were me and were picking
-out a dress that would interest Congressman Bloodsop what kind would
-you choose?"</p>
-
-<p>"Something unobtrusive," the manager said. "Nothing to obscure the
-view."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Toffee said. "The old gaffer has an eye out?"</p>
-
-<p>"Both eyes. And so far out you could tick them off with a match."</p>
-
-<p>"Something of a rounder, eh?"</p>
-
-<p>"Everything of a rounder."</p>
-
-<p>"Sounds almost too easy," Toffee mused.</p>
-
-<p>"Here, now," Marc broke in. "What are you up to?"</p>
-
-<p>"Nothing," Toffee said with great innocence. "A girl likes to make a
-good impression on persons of importance." She pointed to the model
-across the room who was displaying, besides quite a lot of epidermis, a
-dress made of a vaporish material which had been cut with an extremely
-frugal hand&mdash;almost grudging. "That dress&mdash;could I have that one?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, that's a dinger, isn't it?" the manager said approvingly. "You
-might say it was practically made for Congressman Bloodsop." He brought
-the model over with a nod of the head.</p>
-
-<p>"Madam wishes to see the dress?" the girl asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Madam wishes to see the dress on madam," Toffee said. "The sooner the
-better."</p>
-
-<p>"You got guts, honey," the model said. "And you'll need them, too, to
-keep this thing up."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The two of them adjourned to the dressing rooms and Toffee returned a
-moment later, the very picture of the most recent thing in scandalous
-<i>chic</i>. She joined Marc and Mr. Baker and took her place between them.</p>
-
-<p>"How do you like it?" she asked Marc.</p>
-
-<p>"You'd be more modest in a plastic shower curtain," Marc said. He
-boosted himself forward. "Come on."</p>
-
-<p>"I want to meet the congressman," Toffee said. And even as she spoke a
-portly gentleman with a ruddy face and almost theatrically white hair
-appeared in the entry and started forward. "And I think I'm about to."</p>
-
-<p>At the manager's limp wave, Congressman Orvil Bloodsop, the
-accomplished absconder of public funds, presented himself before the
-company. His eyes, true to forecast, registered a lively appreciation
-at the sight of Toffee. He nodded perfunctorily to Marc.</p>
-
-<p>"These are some people I met in sporting goods," the manager said. "I
-haven't the least idea what their names are&mdash;or if they have any at
-all. They can tell you, if they think it's wise."</p>
-
-<p>"What's in a name?" the congressman said with hackneyed gallantry.
-He got himself a chair and wedged it deftly between Toffee's and the
-manager's. "It's the ... uh ... heart that counts, eh?" He settled
-himself with a snort. "I don't believe I've ever seen you around
-before, dear. Where are you from?"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee lowered her lashes with artful mystery. "A long way away," she
-said huskily.</p>
-
-<p>"Stop that," Marc said. "Stop sounding like a movie vamp with a bad
-cold and come on."</p>
-
-<p>"I have things to discuss with the congressman, haven't I, Congressman
-Bloodsop?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why, of course, dear," the congressman said, leering at the things he
-hoped she referred to.</p>
-
-<p>"What things?" Marc asked crudely.</p>
-
-<p>"You'll see," Toffee said. "Enjoy the passing scenery." She turned back
-to Congressman Bloodsop. "I hear you've got some wonderful connections."</p>
-
-<p>"Some of the best, dear."</p>
-
-<p>"In Washington?"</p>
-
-<p>"Straight up to the President," Orvil Bloodsop boasted. "All the way
-up."</p>
-
-<p>"The President?" Toffee said. "Who's that?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The congressman looked at her twice to make sure she wasn't joking.
-"Why the President is Lemons Flemm," he said. "You know that. But
-perhaps you remember Lemons when he was a television comedian. That's
-how Lemons got elected, you know.</p>
-
-<p>"During campaign time Lemons' sponsor refused to give up his air time
-for the candidates speeches. As a result everyone was trying to watch
-Lemons and the candidates at the same time, and they got confused.
-When they counted the votes, Lemons was elected.</p>
-
-<p>"And he's made the most entertaining president we've ever had. Taxes
-up one day and down the next. Anything for a laugh. Anything and
-everything goes."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Toffee said. "This comedian, then, is at the head of the
-government?"</p>
-
-<p>"Right on the top of the heap. However, if any of us ever live to
-see another election I doubt that Lemons will be reelected. It seems
-that during the campaign there were a lot of people who thought the
-candidates were a lot funnier than Lemons."</p>
-
-<p>"But this Lemons Flemm is running things?"</p>
-
-<p>"A mile a minute," Orvil Bloodsop nodded.</p>
-
-<p>"Then if someone were in possession of a really decisive secret weapon
-he'd be the man to contact, wouldn't he?"</p>
-
-<p>"I doubt if he'd be interested," the congressman said. "Secret weapons
-have been done to death lately. Everyone's sick of them."</p>
-
-<p>"Suppose this were something that gets in there where it does the most
-good and really makes itself felt?" Toffee asked anxiously.</p>
-
-<p>"Something to make 'em rare back and take notice, huh?"</p>
-
-<p>"Exactly."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," the congressman said. "Then you're a foreign spy, aren't you,
-selling out the old country? You've already said you were from far
-away. Tell me, how do you like our little country?"</p>
-
-<p>"Love it," Toffee said. "That's why I want so badly to meet your
-President." She crossed her legs carefully, and no part of the movement
-was overlooked by the congressman.</p>
-
-<p>"I see," he said. "You want to get up in the world where the bidding is
-high?"</p>
-
-<p>"That's the idea," Toffee said. "Sort of wriggle my way into the
-affairs of state, so to speak."</p>
-
-<p>"Brings to mind an exciting picture," the congressman commented. "Of
-course the best way to crash Washington society is to be investigated
-by the Congress. You may not believe it, dear, but we've made some
-of the very best international figures. But it's difficult to be
-investigated, especially for a spy like yourself, with credentials and
-all. That's too easy, and we have to concentrate on the more difficult
-cases&mdash;our personal enemies, for instance. However, a girl with
-your&mdash;uh&mdash;attributes might prove of sufficient diversion to warrant
-special attention."</p>
-
-<p>"This Congress," Toffee said. "What is it?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, just a body of men."</p>
-
-<p>"Really!" Toffee's interest shot ahead like an arrow discharged from a
-sixty pound bow. "I would be investigated by this body of men?"</p>
-
-<p>"Minutely, honey," the congressman assured her. "And from every angle."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Toffee was almost beside herself with anticipation; she almost forgot
-the purpose at hand. "I'll kill 'em," she said. She composed herself.
-"Could you arrange to have me hauled up for investigation?"</p>
-
-<p>"Well ... I wouldn't do it for just anyone, you know."</p>
-
-<p>"But you would for me, wouldn't you? Don't forget; I do have a secret
-weapon."</p>
-
-<p>"I'm not forgetting," the congressman murmured. "No, indeed. However,
-I'll have to convince the Congress that you're a substantial menace."
-He was thoughtful for a moment. "I think I'll call the Congressman from
-Idaho and say that you've been insulting his wife. I think something
-can be worked out." He rose.</p>
-
-<p>"Just a minute," Toffee said. "There's just one more thing; include my
-friend, Mr. Pillsworth. Say he's been insulting Texas."</p>
-
-<p>"Well...." the congressman hesitated.</p>
-
-<p>"Please," Toffee cooed. "He might get his feelings hurt if we left him
-out."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, okay," the congressman agreed, and left.</p>
-
-<p>Seeing that there was an opening, Marc edged closer. "Is the
-congressman leaving?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"He'll be right back," Toffee said pleasantly. "He's gone off to
-arrange something for me."</p>
-
-<p>"What?" Marc said evenly. "Just what has he gone off to arrange?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, just a little investigation."</p>
-
-<p>"What kind of an investigation?"</p>
-
-<p>"He mentioned something called Congress," Toffee said. "I think it's
-some kind of a club he belongs to."</p>
-
-<p>"A Congressional investigation?"</p>
-
-<p>"Uh-huh," Toffee nodded. "I believe those were his very words."</p>
-
-<p>"Who's going to be investigated?"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee smiled the sublimely innocent smile of one of heaven's nicer
-angels. "Me," she announced, "and you."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>What!</i>" Marc jumped to his feet as though he'd been wrenched by a
-pulley. "Why you...! What did you tell that old idiot?"</p>
-
-<p>"Nothing really," Toffee said. "I just told him I had a secret weapon,
-and he assumed the rest. He's including you as a personal favor."</p>
-
-<p>"Dear God in heaven!" Marc yelped. "Let's get out of here before he
-comes back!"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no!" Toffee cried. "I have to wait and see if he could arrange it."</p>
-
-<p>"Come on!" Marc said, taking her by the arm and dragging her out of her
-chair. "Where'd he go? We'll go the other way."</p>
-
-<p>"I must say I don't understand your attitude," Toffee said woundedly,
-following him into the entry. "After I worked like a demon to charm
-the daffy old vulture...."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>Just</i> like a demon!" Marc said hotly. "<i>Exactly</i> like a demon! You
-take the words from my mouth."</p>
-
-<p>"And I should dip them in cyanide and put them right back!" Toffee
-said. "I suppose it hasn't penetrated your blunted intelligence that
-I'm only trying to do something to help save this preposterous world of
-yours."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Marc said. "You propose to save the world by ruining me.
-That makes such brilliant sense it fairly blinds me." By now they
-had reached the outer hallway and were covering space rapidly in the
-direction of the elevators.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm not going to stand for it!" Marc said testily. "And that's my
-message to you." He stopped before the elevators and placed his finger
-firmly to the button. "If you think I'm going to allow my life to be
-governed by the noxious fermentations of that fluttering mind of
-yours ... you're wrong!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Toffee parted her lips for an angry reply, but just then the door
-across the hall opened, and Congressman Bloodsop appeared on the scene.
-His ruddy face was wreathed with smiles.</p>
-
-<p>"Ah, there you are!" he boomed expansively. "Well, the news is good
-tonight. You're to be investigated tomorrow. I'm to take you into
-custody right now, and there'll be a couple of government boys to
-guard you. You're to stay at my home under guard tonight, and we'll
-fly up to Washington in the morning for the festivities." He swayed
-back on his heels in a seizure of self-appreciation. "Fast action, eh?"</p>
-
-<p>"Mr. Bloodsop...!" Marc sputtered. "Mr. Bloodsop...!"</p>
-
-<p>But the congressman held up a hand. "No need to thank me, boy," he
-said. "It's nothing to pull a few strings for friends."</p>
-
-<p>"Mr. Blood...!"</p>
-
-<p>Just then the elevator doors slid back to disclose Dolly, the
-impassioned wild-gamester, struggling with the stringy vagaries of an
-enormous tuna net. She staggered forward and paused to disentangle a
-cork float from the door latch. Then, hunched forward under her burden,
-she started determinedly toward the salon.</p>
-
-<p>"On the scent again already?" Toffee inquired amiably.</p>
-
-<p>Dolly stopped and peered back over her muscular shoulder. "Uh-huh," she
-panted. "Only this time I've got a switcheroo for the sonofagun. This
-time I not only toss him into the trap but fling myself in after him."
-She winked. "Get it?"</p>
-
-<p>"In detail," Toffee said. She turned to Marc. "Isn't it nice to meet
-a girl who knows her own mind&mdash;even when it's cracked seven ways to
-Sunday?"</p>
-
-<p>"You should know," Marc glowered. "You should damned well know, you
-little heller."</p>
-
-<p>Congressman Bloodsop's study was a mammoth vault paneled solidly with
-the finest oak that purloined money could buy. It was vast-ceilinged
-and set solidly at one end with leaded windows of a thousand panes.
-Beyond the windows, like a magazine illustration, one could see formal
-gardens softened with twilight. To Toffee's mind it fairly stank with
-class.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>From the depths of her leather-covered chair, she lowered her coffee
-cup to the table and observed the spectacle of Congressman Bloodsop
-sitting like a high magistrate behind a kennel-sized mahogany desk.</p>
-
-<p>"Do the guards <i>have</i> to stay outside in the hallway?" she asked.
-"Won't they be lonesome?"</p>
-
-<p>"A matter of form, dear," the congressman said. "Looks good. Besides,
-I've told the maid to give them tea."</p>
-
-<p>Marc standing beside the fireplace stirred with agitation. "Mr.
-Bloodsop...!"</p>
-
-<p>The congressman raised his eyes with slow patience. "Young man," he
-said evenly. "Is there something the matter with you? What is this
-curious compulsion of yours to rasp my name every few minutes? If you
-have something to say, say it."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Marc," Toffee said sweetly. "Don't let the congressman think
-you're dull."</p>
-
-<p>Marc choked, presumably with emotion. "I only wanted to inquire just
-why I can't use the telephone to try to find my wife?" he said in a
-strained voice.</p>
-
-<p>"Another matter of form," the congressman said. "Good heavens, man, do
-you really care so much to find your wife? It's the most extraordinary
-thing I've ever heard of. I must remind you that you and the young lady
-now constitute a matter for official inquiry."</p>
-
-<p>Marc clenched his fists tight at his sides. "Oh, Christ!" he wailed.</p>
-
-<p>"At least he's shouting for someone else for a change," the congressman
-said complacently. "An erratic type. Subversives usually are, though.
-Next he'll be calling for Phillip Morris."</p>
-
-<p>"Poor Marc," Toffee put in appealingly. "He just can't bring himself to
-view the end of civilization with the same happy composure the rest of
-us do. It upsets him."</p>
-
-<p>"No use fighting the inevitable," the congressman said. "When the whole
-country has gone gypsy, you might just as well snatch up your skirts,
-so to speak, and join in the innocent merriment."</p>
-
-<p>"Seems a trifle fatalistic," Toffee said. "Sometimes I rather agree
-with Marc that you owe it to yourself to resist to the end ... even if
-it's only an attitude. It seems more ... human ... somehow."</p>
-
-<p>"Thank you for that much," Marc said with heavy irony. "At least my
-attitude pleases you."</p>
-
-<p>"Welcome, I'm sure," Toffee murmured, then turned back to the
-congressman. "Tell me, congressman, just who is it that's going to do
-all this bomb dropping anyway? I haven't heard any name mentioned yet."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The congressman gazed at her. "You mean you're not really one of them,
-after all? You're with another interest?"</p>
-
-<p>"A private concern, you might say," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it's a good thing we're investigating you then," the congressman
-said. "One does like to know who's killing one, you know. It gives you
-a clue whom to curse with your dying breath."</p>
-
-<p>"But getting back to these others," Toffee said, "who is it? What
-country, I mean?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why, You Know Where, of course," the congressman said.</p>
-
-<p>"I beg your pardon?"</p>
-
-<p>"You Know Where, who else?"</p>
-
-<p>"Did someone put something in my coffee," Toffee asked, "or are you
-just being terribly coy about this thing?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm not being coy at all, damm-it," the congressman said. "You Know
-Where is the country."</p>
-
-<p>"Good grief," Toffee said, "now he's lapsing into baby talk. Very well,
-congressman, if you can't bring yourself to tell me the name of the
-country in a straightforward manner, perhaps you'll just mention the
-man who's at the head of it. Just as a hint."</p>
-
-<p>"You Know Who," the congressman said flatly.</p>
-
-<p>For a long moment there was silence as Toffee gazed toward the gardens
-with apparent serenity.</p>
-
-<p>"All right, congressman," she said presently. "Just forget the whole
-thing. Forget I even mentioned it."</p>
-
-<p>"Come here," the congressman said, drawing a globe atlas forward across
-his desk. "I'll show you."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee got up and crossed to the desk. She followed the congressman's
-finger as it swept across the United States, brushed aside the Hawaiian
-Islands, and came to rest on a large country on the soiled outskirts of
-Europe. Quite plainly the country was marked: YOU KNOW WHERE.</p>
-
-<p>"For heaven's sake!" Toffee exclaimed. "Why, that's...!"</p>
-
-<p>"Don't!" the congressman broke in frightenedly. "Don't say that name!
-It's illegal. It was the government's idea that we should ignore the
-country, refuse to recognize it. It was hoped that if we just didn't
-speak to it any more and acted as though we didn't know it was there,
-it would go away and leave us alone. The use of the name was outlawed
-five years ago. Unfortunately, it's still there so we have to call it
-something."</p>
-
-<p>"Very shrewd," Toffee said. "Reminds one of the tactics of sulky
-children. And this You Know Who, I suppose, is the head of the
-government there?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The congressman reached across the desk and drew a newspaper toward
-them. On the front page was the picture of an elderly man in a short
-choke-collar effect. He had penetrating eyes and a drooping mustache.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh," Toffee said, "you mean...!"</p>
-
-<p>"You Know Who," the congressman supplied quickly.</p>
-
-<p>"Of course," Toffee agreed. "Then as I see it the country is faced with
-the question of whether You Know Who from You Know Where is going to
-drop you know what on the USA?"</p>
-
-<p>"Not whether," the congressman amended, "but when. Otherwise, you have
-stated the situation in a nutshell."</p>
-
-<p>"And I can't think of a better place for it either," Toffee murmured.
-"Outside of a pecan pie it's the nuttiest situation I've ever heard of."</p>
-
-<p>"Well," the congressman said, "there's nothing to be done about it now.
-Unless, of course, your secret weapon has some bearing on the crisis.
-But I doubt it. We've piled secret weapon on secret weapon and the
-situation has simply worsened with each one. It's very disheartening."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Toffee reflected. "It makes a murky state of affairs. However,
-if you could get people away from the idea of blowing each other up and
-reduce them to the oldfashioned, intimate methods of warfare...."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, Lord!" Marc moaned aggrievedly.</p>
-
-<p>"Well," the congressman sighed, "he's still in the religious cycle at
-least."</p>
-
-<p>At that moment the door opened at the far end of the room, and a
-heavy-lidded French maid appeared in the opening and leaned exhaustedly
-against the sill.</p>
-
-<p>"Someone smeared a French pastry on the woodwork," Toffee commented
-dryly.</p>
-
-<p>"I have served the gentlemen in the hall tea for three hours," the maid
-sighed, shoving her hair out of her eyes. "They are the devil himself.
-They play funloving games, like children." She paused and sighed again.
-"Dinner is served, I presume."</p>
-
-<p>The congressman boosted himself out of his chair. "I will speak to
-those funloving gorillas in person," he said. He turned to Toffee. "Are
-you hungry, my dear?"</p>
-
-<p>"Famished," Toffee said, and looked at Marc. "And you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah," Marc said dolefully. "My wife is gone, my business is ruined,
-my world is about to go up in smoke&mdash;but what the heck!"</p>
-
-<p>He turned a sardonic eye on the congressman. "Lead on," he said.
-"Play, gypsy, play!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Toffee sat down gingerly on the corner of the bed and surveyed the
-congressman's best guest room with voluptuous appreciation. It was a
-production in lace and rococo gilt in which the curly-cued, beflounced
-bed was lost like a fireworks display in a gaudy sunset. Toffee only
-regretted that such splendor, for her part, was only to be wasted.</p>
-
-<p>It was not that she would not have willingly stayed the night there,
-had she the choice&mdash;but she had not. Being a thought projection of
-Marc's conscious mind, she would not exist in the material world when
-Marc slept. She had to return to the land of his imagination until
-he awoke again; then she would rematerialize wherever she chose. She
-looked at the bed, imagined the roseate picture of herself amongst the
-linens and laces, and sighed a sigh of regret.</p>
-
-<p>She removed herself from the bed, went to the door and listened. There
-were sounds; the guard was still there. The other guard would be posted
-at Marc's door.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee glanced at the ornamental clock on the bedstand. It was well
-after midnight, and she was still in the land of reality. That meant
-that Marc was still awake&mdash;and still worrying about Julie&mdash;and the
-bombs.</p>
-
-<p>She crossed to the bed, sat down as before, and ran her hand absently
-over the lace coverlette. Something had to be done to help Marc before
-he became a nerve case. It was true that she had gained the attention
-of the law makers, but now it seemed that the law makers were as
-irresponsible a group as one could wish for. And there might not be
-much time left. Something had to be done ... something big ... and in
-a hurry. If either side could be made to see the sheer idiocy of the
-situation. If, for instance, You Know Where....</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly Toffee stood up.</p>
-
-<p>"My gosh!" she cried. "If I could only...!"</p>
-
-<p>She stopped suddenly and a gasp came to her lips. Even as she did so
-her very being seemed to fade a bit.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no!" she cried. Then slowly she became more completely
-materialized again; Marc had yawned. She ran to the door and threw it
-open. Instantly the guard, a youngish ape in a dark suit, appeared
-before her.</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, miss?"</p>
-
-<p>"I've got to see Mr. Pillsworth!" Toffee cried. "He's going to sleep
-and he mustn't! Not yet." She started forward, but the guard stood firm.</p>
-
-<p>"Sorry, miss," he said. "You're not permitted to see Mr. Pillsworth
-tonight."</p>
-
-<p>"But I must!" Toffee cried. "He has to stay awake until...!"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm sorry, miss," the guard said, then looked at Toffee more closely.
-"Aren't you feeling well, Miss? You look a trifle pale around the
-gills."</p>
-
-<p>"And what's worse," Toffee said, "I <i>feel</i> pale too."</p>
-
-<p>"Well," the guard said helpfully, "I saw an advertisement once about
-a lady who recommended a vegetable compound very highly. Of course I
-couldn't be positive but I believe the lady's name was Sylvia Pinkham,
-or something of the sort. She was a very kind looking old lady...."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Look," Toffee put in distractedly, "could I go to the study if you
-came with me? It's terribly important."</p>
-
-<p>"Well," the guard reckoned, "all right. But don't you think you ought
-to lie down. This lady ... Sylvia ... seemed to think that other ladies
-should lie down...."</p>
-
-<p>"Blast Sylvia Pinkham," Toffee said. "And blast her compound, too. Come
-on. Hurry!"</p>
-
-<p>Together they hastened down the stairs. On the first floor the guard
-led the way to the study and switched on the lights. He watched Toffee
-with concern as she swept past him into the room.</p>
-
-<p>"My, miss," he said. "You're looking paler every minute. You'll soon be
-nothing more than a ghost the way you're going."</p>
-
-<p>Heedless, Toffee ran to the desk. There she reached for the globe and
-turned it with a hurried hand. The guard joined her curiously.</p>
-
-<p>"Let's see," Toffee mused. "We're here. You Know Where is there. If you
-concentrated in a straight line in that direction...."</p>
-
-<p>"Miss," the guard said softly. "I'm sure Miss Sylvia Pinkham wouldn't
-like it at all...."</p>
-
-<p>"And I wouldn't like Miss Sylvia Pinkham at all," Toffee said shortly.
-She turned back to the globe. "This must be the capital of You Know
-Where, this heavy black dot over here. It is, isn't it?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Miss. But if you're thinking of going there, they won't let you
-in, you know. There's the Brass Curtain."</p>
-
-<p>"I thought it was iron," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>"It used to be. But after a few dealings with those people everyone
-decided it must be brass."</p>
-
-<p>Without comment Toffee snatched up the newspaper and studied the
-picture of You Know Who as though she were committing the unlovely
-features to memory. Finally she set it aside and turned to the guard.</p>
-
-<p>"There now," she said. "I think I've got everything fairly straight in
-mind. There's just one thing. Mr. Pillsworth is going to sleep now.
-Don't let him sleep too long&mdash;just a little while, then wake him up."</p>
-
-<p>"Are you certain he'll want to...?" the guard began.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't forget," Toffee said positively. "It's a matter of life and
-death."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, okay," the guard agreed. "I'll tell him you said...!"</p>
-
-<p>Then, with a gasp, the poor man's voice descended down his throat with
-the gritty rattle of a parcel of bones dumped into a disposal. As he
-watched, shaken to the very roots of his soul, the girl by the desk
-gradually faded into thin air....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Dusk had come to a distant land.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee stood in the formidable square and looked with disfavor on the
-great concrete pilings that brooded over the clear area in the center
-and isolated it from the waning light of day. Functional architecture,
-with frippery&mdash;cold, grey and starkly oppressive. Very functional, like
-a straight jacket, and just as pleasant to look at.</p>
-
-<p>There were hardly any signs of human life. A couple of men, so grey and
-so gross that they seemed only a part of the buildings around them,
-lumbered down the steps of the largest and most formidable of the
-structures, stopped to look at Toffee curiously, then passed on. Toffee
-shrugged and turned toward the building from which they had just come.
-The best way to obtain information, after all, was to ask someone for
-it. And if those men had just come from the building, life must exist
-inside the place in spite of appearances.</p>
-
-<p>She had no more than set foot on the steps of the place, however, than
-life suddenly descended upon her in a rush; two grey-uniformed guards,
-seemingly patterned very closely on the physical and spiritual makeup
-of the gorilla, clumped down the steps toward her with bayonets fixed.
-One of them barked something that, to Toffee, had no specific meaning.
-The bayonets, pointing in the vicinity of her mid-section, spoke with
-great eloquence. Toffee felt keenly that the moment called for a
-disarming smile.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't be silly, boys," she said with arch modulation. "There's no
-occasion for manly demonstrations."</p>
-
-<p>There was a sputtered, incoherent exchange between the two,
-interspersed with moments of silence which allowed them time to stare
-in open-mouthed wonderment at the lightly-swathed redhead before them.
-Toffee listened to this for what seemed the proper social interval,
-then started determinedly forward. The bayonets, however, thrust a
-little closer, took all the verve and sweep out of the gesture.</p>
-
-<p>"Now, kids," Toffee said, "I don't want to have to get rough with
-you." And so saying she reached out, delicately parted the bayonets,
-and passed between them. Their owners, obviously unused to this
-open flaunting of the sword, turned to stare after her in petrified
-astonishment. After a stunned silence, there ensued a growl-and-spit
-interchange of thought on the matter.</p>
-
-<p>Though Toffee had no way of knowing it, one aborigine inquired of the
-other if they were eye to eye in the opinion that they were seeing
-things. The other replied in the affirmative, adding that if it were
-not illegal to entertain such notions, he might venture that they had
-just been bypassed by an angel from heaven. Of course, since everyone
-knew that heaven and angels did not exist, the notion was silly.</p>
-
-<p>"Nothing descends from heaven but bombs," his companion observed with
-native starkness. "The Great Leader has said it is so."</p>
-
-<p>"Then it is so, and we are only the victims of a delusion."</p>
-
-<p>Shrugging their massive shoulders they returned to their posts and
-hoped for the best.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Inside the building Toffee found herself confronted by a wide foyer
-from which innumerable corridors stretched away in all directions.
-Guards of a similar stamp to those who had accosted her on the steps
-literally infested the place, two to the corridor. They seemed so
-much a part of the sombre decor, however, that Toffee did not notice
-them at once. She had proceeded nearly to the center of the room
-before, overtaken by a certain feeling of uneasiness, she stopped and
-reconnoitered.</p>
-
-<p>As she glanced around, the walls began to bristle with bayonets. She
-appraised this nasty state of affairs with concern and decided to adopt
-the policy of the congressman and his colleagues. A song on her lips,
-if not in her heart, she fixed her eyes straight ahead on the center
-corridor and resumed nonchalantly in that direction&mdash;perhaps if she
-pretended that these bayoneted orangoutangs were beneath her notice
-they might go away and leave her alone. They didn't appear to be the
-friendly, informative type anyway.</p>
-
-<p>For one brief moment it seemed that the ruse, by dint of sheer
-boldness, was going to work. Toffee was almost to the corridor when one
-of the benumbed guards suddenly began to vocalize in an overwrought
-fashion. In a voice that slammed against the vaulted ceiling like
-a trumpet blast he shouted something that sounded loosely like,
-"Gamnovitch!" His tone did not convey the feeling of warm welcome.
-Toffee, sizing the situation up as the sort that only comes to a head
-with delay, bolted.</p>
-
-<p>She darted into the corridor and kept going at a pace that utilized her
-lovely legs to the utmost. A noisy clatter from the rear, however, told
-her that she was not in the sprint just for exercise. She renewed her
-efforts. Then suddenly stopped.</p>
-
-<p>It wasn't so much that the corridor terminated in a huge doorway only
-a few yards ahead&mdash;though that was bad news enough&mdash;the real thing was
-that before the door there stood not two but four enormous guards,
-supplied like the others with those ugly weapons. The guards and Toffee
-caught sight of each other simultaneously, but the really filthy part
-of it was that the surprise element in the incident shoved the guards
-into action while it only held Toffee motionless.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Toffee needed no one to tell her she was about to be surrounded.
-"I <i>would</i> have to get into this place," she sighed. "It must be
-a barracks for guards." She watched with resignation as the bulky
-bayoneters formed a prickly circle around her. She chose the most
-likely-looking of her captors and smiled enchantingly into his sub-ugly
-face. But the favored one only reciprocated with a small jabbing
-gesture which was enthusiastically picked up and elaborated upon by
-his companions. Toffee was the first to realize that the situation was
-climbing toward that state which is often described as 'serious.'</p>
-
-<p>"Look out, you lumbering oafs," she said hotly. "You could play hell
-with a lady's dainties with that sort of thing."</p>
-
-<p>She considered her ring and the hoard of armed brutes around her; there
-were too many of them to deal with effectively. The situation called
-for help, and Toffee took her cue from the situation; though she didn't
-know the language she was willing to kick it around a bit.</p>
-
-<p>"Helpovitch!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Helpovitch!"</p>
-
-<p>The result that followed was as instantaneous as it was unexpected. No
-sooner had Toffee's voice split the air of the hallway than the guards
-froze where they were and stared at her in a transfix of horror. Toffee
-hadn't the faintest notion of what she had said but she was awfully
-glad to have said it.</p>
-
-<p>Experimentally she made a movement; the guards remained still. She
-stepped out of the circle, and one of the guards made a small movement
-of protest.</p>
-
-<p>"Helpovitch, you rat," Toffee said. "You heard me."</p>
-
-<p>The guard remained motionless.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee paused, selected the door at the end of the hall as her
-destination, and went rapidly toward it. As she drew abreast of it,
-it opened just a crack and an ear presented itself in the opening.
-Apparently someone had been disturbed by the noise in the hall. Toffee
-leaned forward and placed her mouth close to the ear.</p>
-
-<p>"Helpovitch," she whispered.</p>
-
-<p>There was a moment, then the ear shuddered delicately, after which
-it turned red and withdrew quickly from sight. Here, Toffee realized,
-was the sort of ear that responded to a firm hand. She shoved the
-door open, stepped inside, and closed it behind her. Then she turned
-about&mdash;and stopped short.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It wasn't so much the room which, large and marbled, was a gasping
-matter all in itself&mdash;but the room's occupant; the ear had been
-misleading for its owner was none other than You Know Who himself.
-Between the Great Leader and Toffee there wasn't much to choose for
-goggle-eyed surprise. Toffee, however, was the first to recover from
-the encounter.</p>
-
-<p>"Well," she said, "just the old villain I'm looking for!"</p>
-
-<p>The Great Leader, his eyes retreating back into their sockets, set
-his mustache atremble with a great sucking breath and launched into a
-series of resonant sounds.</p>
-
-<p>"Knock it off," Toffee commanded. "You're making a fog in here.
-Besides, I can't understand a word of that juicy jazz."</p>
-
-<p>"So!" the Leader exploded. "Who iss? How you got har, hah?"</p>
-
-<p>"Well," Toffee murmured relievedly, "at least you can speak
-English&mdash;using the language loosely, that is."</p>
-
-<p>"How come you har, hey?" the Leader insisted truculently. "Why not
-soldiers kill you forst?"</p>
-
-<p>"They had it in mind," Toffee said, "but I just said 'helpovitch' to
-them, and they dropped the whole thing."</p>
-
-<p>"Vooman!" the Leader gasped. "You say soch dorty vord it is only
-sooprise soldiers do not drop teeth along with thing!" He waved his
-hand. "Go vay, dorty gorl! Screm!"</p>
-
-<p>"For Pete's sake!" Toffee said. "What does the word mean?"</p>
-
-<p>"Don't ask!" the Leader gasped, throwing up his hands. "You make me
-drop whole thing, too! Go vay or I call soldiers and tall tham shoot
-you all over&mdash;oop!&mdash;down!" He started toward the door. "Tarrible gorl!"</p>
-
-<p>"Hold it, Cecil," Toffee said. "You touch that door and I'll pull off a
-shindig that'll make you sad all over."</p>
-
-<p>The Leader stopped and regarded her uncertainly. "You American vooman
-spy, hah?" he demanded. "You think you smart. Vell, you be dad soon,
-vhat you think, hay?"</p>
-
-<p>"I think you're going to be reasonable and do what I say, hey," Toffee
-answered firmly. "Either that or you're going to get the surprise of
-your life."</p>
-
-<p>"Who iss you anyway?"</p>
-
-<p>"An avenging angel," Toffee said. "That'll do for now."</p>
-
-<p>"Nonsanse!" the Leader snorted. "No soch thing angel. Anyvay, angel
-vould not say dorty vords, make soldiers drop things."</p>
-
-<p>"Okay," Toffee said, "so I'm no angel. You're right there, pop. But I'm
-avenging, and don't you forget it."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>A new thought crossed the seething mind of the Leader. "You know who
-you talk to so mean?"</p>
-
-<p>"Sure, Mac," Toffee said. "I know you."</p>
-
-<p>"Than I tall you drop dad, you gotta do it, hah?"</p>
-
-<p>"Huh-uh," Toffee said, shaking her head. "And let's have no more sass
-about killing people. Now let's get down to brass doorpulls...."</p>
-
-<p>But just at that moment the soldiers outside not only got down to
-doorpulls, but pulled them: the room began to swarm.</p>
-
-<p>"If I'd knew you were coming," Toffee said, "I'd have baked a snake."
-Nevertheless, she retreated warily. The guards paused uncertainly
-before her and started babbling among themselves.</p>
-
-<p>"Now!" the Leader said triumphantly.</p>
-
-<p>But Toffee pointed imperiously to the gabby guards. "What are those
-birds saying about me?" she demanded. "I've got a right to know."</p>
-
-<p>The Leader paused to listen, then nodded with comprehension.</p>
-
-<p>"Forst man say he think you foreign spy because you look nothing like
-voomans from this country. Other man say he's right because if you var
-from here you vould haf thick lags like his wife who iss von big slob.
-Forst man say he can say that again for his vife who iss so big slob
-you gotta say it twice to describe her." The Leader paused to consider
-this exchange and suddenly smote his brow. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Now
-iss clear! You deganerate product of America sant har to make men
-unrastful with slobbish female population. So!"</p>
-
-<p>"It's a side-line I hadn't thought of," Toffee said and smiled
-engagingly at the guards. "But if you think it'll work...."</p>
-
-<p>"Iss no good you viggle around and look saxy," the Leader put in
-sullenly. "You gonna get shot good, you deganerate boopsy daisy." He
-turned to the guards and shouted an order which had but one meaning in
-any language. The men instantly formed a single rank with mechanical
-precision and raised their rifles toward Toffee, albeit with a certain
-gleam of reluctance in their eyes.</p>
-
-<p>"Now you gonna gat it," the Leader said.</p>
-
-<p>But Toffee only smiled. "I've told you," she said, "I'm an avenging
-angel. And we angels are practically indestructible."</p>
-
-<p>"Ve see," the Leader snorted. "So!" He turned to the guards and barked
-an order that touched off a confusion of explosion and gun smoke.
-In the moment that ensued, as the smoke settled, there was a tense
-silence. This was followed by a many-throated cry of alarm.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee, still smiling, and completely unscathed, stepped lightly
-through the screen of smoke and presented herself to the company at
-large.</p>
-
-<p>"What would you like for an encore?" she asked.</p>
-
-<p>She did not bother, of course, to explain that she could not possibly
-be destroyed as long as Marc's mind held the image of her as a live
-being. She would always be just as Marc imagined her and he quite
-evidently was not thinking of her as dead at the moment.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>As she moved forward, the guards took a faltering step backwards. Then,
-as a man, they turned and fled the room, slamming the door after them.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee shrugged lightly, turned and gazed about. The Leader was no
-longer in evidence. She paused to consider briefly, then crossed to the
-large desk in the center of the room, and bent down to peer underneath.</p>
-
-<p>"You may as well come out," she said. "I see you."</p>
-
-<p>The Leader's head appeared apprehensively in the opening. "Go vay," he
-said. "Vhy you not dad? You crazy?"</p>
-
-<p>"Crawl out of there, Sam," Toffee commanded. "Loosen that tight collar
-of yours and get set for a lesson in future history. You can frolic
-about on the floor later."</p>
-
-<p>Slowly the great man emerged and stood before her. Toffee's refusal to
-die or even get decently dented had shaken him to the very foundations.
-Furtively he eyed the bullet-scarred wall.</p>
-
-<p>"Shame," Toffee said. "You've been naughty, Jasper. Sit down."</p>
-
-<p>He did as he was told, looking as though he might burst into tears at
-any moment. "Vhy you not dad lak hangnail?" he insisted. "You got an
-iron gordle?"</p>
-
-<p>"I simply can't be killed," Toffee said. "I just can't seem to bring
-myself around to a serious frame of mind about guns and knives and that
-sort of trash. Which leads me to the problem at hand. I've got a plan
-for you, kiddo, and though it won't take five years, we've got to shake
-a leg." She glanced at the row of buttons and the speaker on the desk.
-"You know what you're going to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"No," the Leader said warily. "Vhat?"</p>
-
-<p>"You're going to start pressing those buttons, one at a time, from
-right to left. You're going to talk to all the big shots wired to those
-buttons and you're going to order the country demobilized, tonight."</p>
-
-<p>"Hah?" the Leader said. "And since vhen?"</p>
-
-<p>"Right now," Toffee said. "You are going to have every bomb and every
-facility for making bombs blown to dust in the cool of the night. Every
-piece of live ammunition in the country is going to be laid to rest.
-By your order. So get busy and start having the danger areas cleared."</p>
-
-<p>The Leader only stared at her in blinking disbelief.</p>
-
-<p>"Voop!" he burped with deep emotion.</p>
-
-<p>"And what is the meaning of that remark?" Toffee asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Means you iss goofy. Means you got bats in the bonnet."</p>
-
-<p>"And you're going to have ants in the pants if you don't start
-pressing your moist little finger to those buttons." Toffee eyed him
-humorlessly. "Are you going to start pressing or aren't you? You've had
-the word."</p>
-
-<p>"I'm waste no more time talking foolish with dorty, saxy dame like
-you," the Leader said petulantly. He got up and started determinedly
-toward the door. "I call new guards and have them carry you avay."</p>
-
-<p>"I warned you," Toffee said, raising her hand tentatively. "You'll
-regret it."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>But the Leader, unintimidated, continued toward the door. He had just
-reached out to open it when Toffee brought her hand down quickly over
-the face of the ring. Events proceeded according to expectations.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
- <div class="caption">
- <p>As Toffee aimed the magic ring, You Know Who suddenly sprawled across the desk with a howl of pained surprise!</p>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>"Halpovitch!" the Leader screamed, and plumped down heavily on the
-floor. "Oi!" Following the pattern of his forerunners he slapped his
-hands to his bottom and hugged himself into a knot of pulsating agony.
-A stream of highly charged verbiage sullied the air.</p>
-
-<p>"You kick me in restricted, top secret area!" he wailed.</p>
-
-<p>"Not exactly," Toffee said. "Though it's a shame. So many people have
-longed to." She moved closer to her distressed victim. "Going to start
-punching buttons? If you do I'll take the heat off."</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the Leader gritted pettishly. "I ponch you in nose!"</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Toffee said. "Suppose I call those guards back in here and let
-them see you like this? In no time at all the news will get around that
-the Great Leader has gone off his rocker and is snapping at his own
-bottom like a beagle after ham hock. A fine laughing stock you'll make,
-won't you?"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the Leader pleaded. "No! Oh, soch a pain!"</p>
-
-<p>"Then suppose we have a little friendly cooperation around here?"</p>
-
-<p>"Hokay!" the Leader cried. "I can't stand it no longer!"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee made a pass at the ring and the Leader, after a moment of
-adjustment, arose.</p>
-
-<p>"How you do soch rotten thing?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>"You haven't got all the secret weapons," Toffee said. "That's one your
-agents missed. Now hop to it and start thumbing those discs."</p>
-
-<p>Shaking his head which was heavy with disillusion, the Leader made
-his way shakily to the desk. He looked at Toffee, then reached for the
-first of the buttons.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't double cross me," Toffee said, raising her hand. "If you do
-you'll writhe in agony for the rest of your days."</p>
-
-<p>"Hokay," the Leader said and pressed the button. A moment later a voice
-answered distantly.</p>
-
-<p>"Halpovitch!" the Leader yelled at the top of his lungs. Instantly
-Toffee made the necessary gesture, and for the second time the great
-man assumed the position, placing his equipment as he went. He was
-moaning low in every sense of the word.</p>
-
-<p>"I warned you," Toffee said. "Trickery will get you nothing but a pain
-in the terminus."</p>
-
-<p>"All right!" the Leader groaned. "Stop it! I poosh buttons! I poosh 'em
-twice apiece! I do what you say like a liddle lamb."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee manipulated the ring, and again the Leader picked himself up
-from the floor. "Let's stop this horseplay," she said, "and get going."</p>
-
-<p>"Horseplay!" the Leader exclaimed, advancing his finger to the buttons.
-"Horses vhat play mean like you should be on the backs of postage
-stamps."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It was nearly an hour later when the Leader released the last button
-and sagged back in his chair, a broken man.</p>
-
-<p>"Iss all," he said. "You have louse up averything. They all say I am
-insane, but they gonna do it anyhow 'cause I tell 'em, the dumbells.
-Over-regimented, they are, like a lot of stupid machines."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee glanced out the window at the now-darkened square. "The
-fireworks should be starting soon, if they're as efficient as you say."
-She turned back to the Leader. "Is there any way to get to the top of
-this pile of concrete where we'll have a better view?"</p>
-
-<p>"Opp stairs, sure," the Leader said dully. "Who vants to see?"</p>
-
-<p>"Come on," Toffee said. "This is going to be <i>worth</i> seeing, all that
-advanced gun powder going up in smoke."</p>
-
-<p>"Hokay," the Leader agreed brokenly. "Who cares now?"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee watched him carefully as he opened a drawer in the desk and slid
-his hand inside. It was a moment before he extracted a large bottle of
-vodka.</p>
-
-<p>"For the medicinal purposes only," he explained ruefully. "And I am the
-sick buckeroo of them all."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee smiled. "Let's get to the top, pop," she said amiably. "Let's
-tie one on."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Though it occurred miles away, the explosion shook even the solid
-foundations of the capitol building. Toffee and the leader watched with
-awe as the whole world, it seemed, suddenly screamed with white fire.
-The Leader was forced to cling to Toffee for support, and Toffee clung
-to the bottle strictly as a precaution.</p>
-
-<p>"Beautiful," Toffee breathed as the building ceased to shudder. "It's
-beautiful to see all that death and destruction destroying itself.
-Makes you think of those scorpions who sting themselves in the neck
-when they're mad."</p>
-
-<p>And if the explosions constituted an item of beauty for Toffee, the
-night was filled to overflowing with the gaudy stuff. The explosions,
-near and far, continued through the night. Toffee and the despairing
-Leader sat on the edge of a functional parapet and toasted each new
-blast with vodka and conflicting emotions.</p>
-
-<p>Below them people churned bewilderedly in the streets like a rising and
-falling tide. A faint thread of dawn touched the horizon just as the
-last explosion shuddered across the land.</p>
-
-<p>"Iss all," the Leader mourned soddenly. "All iss gone. You haf made me
-a tired old man."</p>
-
-<p>"That's all you ever were," Toffee said almost kindly. "You were
-foolish to try to be anything else." She patted him on the head with
-groggy sympathy. "I've got a feeling I've got to be running along now.
-But there's just one more thing before I go...."</p>
-
-<p>"Iss all. Iss all," the Leader moaned. "Iss no more."</p>
-
-<p>"No, not that. All I want to know is what does helpovitch mean?"</p>
-
-<p>The old man lolled his head to one side and looked at her lopsidedly
-from the corner of his eye. "Iss native slang vord meaning 'democracy.'
-Iss very dorty vord."</p>
-
-<p>And then, as his beautiful tormentor vanished into thin air, he toppled
-from his perch on the wall and sprawled flat on his back.</p>
-
-<p>The enemy, a bottle cradled protectively in his arms, had fallen....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc had fought the battle against sleep to the last ditch, and there
-had tripped and fallen squarely into the waiting arms of Morpheus.
-The sounds, the drone and buzz of Congress, swirled away into limbo
-and mercifully died. Marc was no longer among those present at the
-ridiculous investigation.</p>
-
-<p>The only way Marc had been able to go to sleep the previous night was
-to take as many sleeping tablets as possible, and then a couple more.
-When Congressman Bloodsop had managed finally to awaken him and to tell
-him of Toffee's disappearance, it was a long while before he was able
-to appraise the situation rightly; that Toffee had simply transferred
-her activities to some other seat of operations, so to speak. Then,
-once this had soaked into his benumbed brain, it occurred to him that
-it constituted an ideal state of affairs. With the volatile redhead
-out of the picture there was an even chance that he would be able to
-extricate himself from the mess she had created for him and find his
-way back to Julie.</p>
-
-<p>To accomplish this end he had only to stay awake so that Toffee could
-not put in an untimely appearance&mdash;no mean accomplishment considering
-the sleeping tablets fermenting in his system. Now he contributed to
-the congressional activities with a resonant snore.</p>
-
-<p>"And do you persist, Mr. Pillsworth, in the absurd assertion that you
-did not aid in the escape of the young woman known as Toffee? <i>Mr.
-Pillsworth!</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Marc stirred and opened his eyes as his name penetrated his awareness.</p>
-
-<p>"Eh?" he yawned, then sat up abruptly as a current of horror flashed
-up his spine. What chilled him more than the reproving tone and the
-baleful eye was the realization that he had been asleep. He glanced
-away from the fuming chairman and subjected the room to a wary search.
-It was on the return sweep that his most awful expectations burst
-abloom. Toffee, looking for all the world like an abandoned torch
-singer on the corner of a piano, was sitting on the outer edge of the
-podium, one hand poised rakishly on a well-curved hip. She surveyed
-the assemblage with unmistakable disappointment. Throughout the room
-several hot games of tick-tack-toe were summarily abandoned as grey,
-greying, bald and balding heads snapped back in uncharacteristic
-attitudes of attention. The members of Congress, acting sharply against
-precedent, sat up and took note of the business at hand.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Since no one else spoke, Toffee took the initiative. "So this is a body
-of men, is it?" she sneered. "I've seen better bodies on Model T's."</p>
-
-<p>The Chair eyed her with a definite lack of warmth.</p>
-
-<p>"My dear young woman," the Chair said, glaring coldly through his
-glasses. "Just what do you think you're doing?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm here to be investigated," Toffee said, jauntily crossing her legs.
-"Get out the tape measure and heave to."</p>
-
-<p>Marc pressed his hands to his temples and sank lower in his seat.</p>
-
-<p>"What!" the Chair said. "You're the young woman known as Toffee?"</p>
-
-<p>"The same," Toffee said complacently. "The very same."</p>
-
-<p>"How did you get there on the stand all of a sudden?"</p>
-
-<p>"Ask me no questions," Toffee said, "and you'll reduce the lie
-expectancy by at least fifty percent."</p>
-
-<p>Marc's forlorn moan was lost as the Chair cleared his throat. He
-flicked a pencil in Marc's direction. "Take your place over there with
-your confederate, please."</p>
-
-<p>"Sure," Toffee said. Abandoning her perch, she leaped lightly to the
-floor and shoved off in Marc's direction, pausing on the way to pat
-Congressman Bloodsop on the head. The congressman winked at her,
-withdrew the pocket flask which had been affixed to his mouth and wiped
-his lips genteelly on the back of his hand.</p>
-
-<p>"Government," Toffee observed, settling herself happily at Marc's side,
-"is much the same the world over&mdash;full of medicinal purposes."</p>
-
-<p>"Why did you have to show up now?" Marc asked sourly. "They'd have
-called the whole thing off in another few minutes."</p>
-
-<p>"That's what I like," Toffee said, patting his hand, "a rousing welcome
-from the one you left behind."</p>
-
-<p>Marc withdrew his hand frigidly and resisted a yawn. "Now we're right
-back in the same old soup."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee scanned the Congress with a sweeping glance. "Don't tell me
-you're afraid of this collection of old nincompoops?" she scoffed.</p>
-
-<p>She pointed to a bemused, bald-pated individual across the way who was
-engaged to the last nerve in the business of engraving a pierced heart
-in the top of the table in front of him. Across from this exhibit sat a
-lank citizen who was quietly strumming a guitar and chanting a ballad
-which had to do with a lonesome cowboy whose horse was dead, house was
-burned, well was dry, range was barren, and he himself was suffering
-from pernicious anemia&mdash;which individual, nonetheless, wished to assure
-his faithless sweetheart that she was not to worry for a minute that
-his affairs were anything other than tickety-boo and that he would
-'git' along somehow.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc observed these examples of high-minds-at-work with a wry face.
-"That's just the trouble," he grieved, "they're completely irrational.
-Heaven knows what they might take a fancy to do to us. Your entrance
-didn't help any, you know."</p>
-
-<p>"Nonsense," Toffee said. "They're just a bunch of harmless children."</p>
-
-<p>"So harmless," Marc snorted, "they've danced the whole nation right
-down the path to extinction."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, that," Toffee said, smiling secretively. "I wouldn't worry about
-that. I wouldn't waste the time."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, you wouldn't, wouldn't you?" Marc said annoyedly. "Well, let me
-remind you, Miss Cotton Brain, that you're subject to the laws of
-extinction just as much as the rest of us. When I die you go with me,
-you know, and after the way you've messed up my final hours I will
-consider it a pleasure to perish just to get even with you. I will
-laugh as the bombs come crashing down on my roof."</p>
-
-<p>"You're doing me a terrible injustice," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>At this point their conversation was abruptly concluded by a heavy
-rapping from the Chair.</p>
-
-<p>"The Chair addresses the young woman known as Toffee."</p>
-
-<p>"If I'm known as Toffee," Toffee snapped, "then call me Toffee. Stop
-making me sound like some loose-moraled hussy slinging her hips around
-in a Klondike saloon."</p>
-
-<p>"Just remain seated," the Chair said severely, "and speak into the
-microphone on the table. There are some questions for you to answer
-before we proceed."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee eyed the Chair with raised eyebrows. "Okay," she said. "Shoot."
-She turned to Marc. "Stop nudging me."</p>
-
-<p>"First of all," the Chair said. "Please make a statement of your
-political affiliations."</p>
-
-<p>"Political affiliations?" Toffee said, completely bewildered. "If you
-mean have I ever had anything to do with politicians, I haven't. I
-might as well say that I think all politicians are a bunch of bums."
-She turned again to Marc. "Are you ill, dear? Why are you making that
-awful choking noise?"</p>
-
-<p>Marc repeated the awful choking noise, and the Chair rattled for
-attention. The Chair also glowered through its glasses.</p>
-
-<p>"What the committee wants to know is which political philosophy do you
-embrace?"</p>
-
-<p>"None of them," Toffee said. "I wouldn't touch any of them with a
-pole, much less clasp them to my bosom as you suggest. Aren't you
-getting a little lewd with all this talk about embracing?"</p>
-
-<p>"Let's put it another way," the Chair said with strained patience. "Of
-which nation are you a citizen?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why, none of them, of course," Toffee said. "Not that they wouldn't
-have me, you understand...."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Precisely at this point a door behind the Chair burst open, and a
-small, musty individual in shirt sleeves hurled himself into the room.</p>
-
-<p>"It's come!" he piped. "It's come!"</p>
-
-<p>"Has someone been praying for rain?" Toffee asked innocently.</p>
-
-<p>The Chair rattled frenziedly. "Just what is it that's important enough
-to justify this outburst?"</p>
-
-<p>"The news!" the little man jibbered. "I was working down in the
-Intelligence Department just now...."</p>
-
-<p>"I wondered where they keep all the intelligence around here," Toffee
-said. "I didn't know they had a department for it."</p>
-
-<p>"Shut up, can't you?" Marc hissed. "You've made enough enemies already
-to last us out a lifetime."</p>
-
-<p>"You Know Where!" the little man screeched. "You Know Where!"</p>
-
-<p>A murmur of apprehension moved through the room.</p>
-
-<p>"They've attacked?" the Chair asked quickly. "Has the attack begun?
-Speak up, man!" Then without waiting for a reply, he turned to the
-gathering at large. "I will now lead you all in prayer."</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the little man cried. "No, no!"</p>
-
-<p>"You don't want us to pray, you nasty little atheist?"</p>
-
-<p>"No!" the little man cried. "Yes! I don't care! But there isn't any
-attack! There isn't going to be one! You Know Where was demobilized
-last night. It's a positive miracle! Our agents report rumors about a
-religious revival going on there. Everyone is talking about an angel
-with red hair who appeared to the Leader and...."</p>
-
-<p>Marc turned sharply to Toffee with the look of a man who has just been
-stung by a bee.</p>
-
-<p>"You...!"</p>
-
-<p>"Uh-huh," Toffee said. "We had quite a romp last night, the Leader and
-I." She spoke through a pandemonium of cheering, crashing bottles and
-mad guitar music.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, bury me not on the lone prar-ee!" the lanky Congressman chortled
-besottedly. "Where the coyotes howl 'cause there's no whisk-ee!"</p>
-
-<p>The Chair added to the din in behalf of a moment of silence and
-received just a moment.</p>
-
-<p>"Let's knock off for the day," a voice yelled, "and get drunk!"</p>
-
-<p>"We did that yesterday," the Chair said. "We have to think of
-appearances once in a while, you know. Besides, this new development
-puts a whole new face on things. It calls for action."</p>
-
-<p>"What about me?" Toffee yelled. "I insist on being investigated."</p>
-
-<p>"Please be quiet, young woman," the Chair said. "You're no longer
-needed here."</p>
-
-<p>"Thank heavens!" Marc sighed. "Come on, let's leave."</p>
-
-<p>"Certainly not," Toffee said. "I have other business to take care of."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no!" Marc cried, and slumped exhaustedly into his chair. "I'm too
-tired for any more!"</p>
-
-<p>"We must realize," the Chair was saying, "that an opportunity has
-been placed in our hands. The enemy is helpless. <i>Now is the time to
-strike!</i>"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>There was a pause while this sank in, and then the cheering and
-rough-housing began again with greater vigor.</p>
-
-<p>"Rickety-rax!" One vaporish congressman giggled, slipping limply from
-his chair to the floor. "Rickety-rax! Give 'em the axe!"</p>
-
-<p>A colleague at his right launched a squadron of paper darts into the
-air as the guitarist twanged away at an off-key rendition of the <i>Air
-Corps Song</i>. This musical interlude, however, came to an unhappy end
-as the gentleman across the table, finishing the pierced heart with a
-flourish, picked up an inkwell and emptied it into the bowels of the
-instrument. There was a splintering crash as the donner received his
-contribution, guitar and all, across the crown of his head. Undaunted,
-the man rose from his seat and launched into a lamentable imitation of
-Jolson doing a mammy song.</p>
-
-<p>"We'll kill 'em!" the cry went up. "We'll give it to 'em in the teeth,
-the dirty, yella, murderin' rats!"</p>
-
-<p>"Gentlemen!" the Chair pleaded. "Gentlemen! Your enthusiasm and
-patriotic spirit is commendable. But let's be constructive about this
-thing. <i>Let's declare war!</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee and Marc, who had been watching this display with rising
-emotion, got to their feet simultaneously.</p>
-
-<p>"Now just a minute!" Toffee yelled. "Just a minute, you tramps!"</p>
-
-<p>"Precisely," Marc said, steadying himself against the table. "Just a
-minute."</p>
-
-<p>But their protest was unheard in the din of the merry-making.</p>
-
-<p>"I can see," Toffee said, lifting her hand, "that the time is due to
-take measures."</p>
-
-<p>"For once," Marc said, "I'm with you one hundred percent." He moved to
-her side in a limp gesture of staunch support, blinking drowsily.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee eyed the revelling law makers with a selective eye. Her gaze
-fell to two rotund parties who, their arms clasped about each other's
-shoulders, were dancing a polka in the aisle. As one of the bulbous
-rears swiveled in her direction, she let go. It was a direct hit on the
-target.</p>
-
-<p>With a searing cry the erstwhile dancer unclasped his partner and
-doubled over, his chops aquiver with an emotion too great for
-expression.</p>
-
-<p>His partner, at first taken aback, eyed this inexplicable development
-with bleary gloom. Then he beamed with happy understanding.</p>
-
-<p>"Leap frog!" he yelled joyously. "Hey, fellas! Leap frog!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The rush for the aisle was instantaneous and enthusiastic. As the
-playful congressmen lined up for the game, Toffee leaped to the top of
-the table and assumed a firing stance. Taking careful aim as the first
-gamester wheezed up the aisle and boosted himself aloft over the back
-of his suffering brother, she executed a neat wing shot which dropped
-her victim into place with a convulsion of shocked pain.</p>
-
-<p>"Fish in a barrel," Toffee said gleefully.</p>
-
-<p>"Good," Marc said, coming momentarily awake. "There! Get that gaffer on
-the rise!"</p>
-
-<p>And another congressman doubled in mid-air and came to earth with a
-rasp on his lips.</p>
-
-<p>"Stacking up nicely, eh?" Toffee said. "Makes a neat exhibit, all of
-them in a row like that."</p>
-
-<p>The sport continued apace. It wasn't long before the aisle was lined
-from end to end with tortured congressmen who moaned and wailed like
-lost souls taking hell's post grad course. Texas, naturally, made the
-loudest noise.</p>
-
-<p>"Here, now!" he blurted. "What's going on here? What do you fellows
-think you're doing; you look like a lot of distressed cats who've found
-cement in the sand box. It doesn't look at all nice. I'm surprised at
-you, Maine, for being mixed up in this sort of thing. You, too, South
-Dakota. Young woman, why are you standing on that table?"</p>
-
-<p>"When I go to the circus," Toffee said, "I like to see everything. I
-wouldn't want to miss this for the world."</p>
-
-<p>"I thought I told you to go home. The Congress has finished with you."</p>
-
-<p>"But have I finished with the Congress?" Toffee said. "That's what I
-ask myself."</p>
-
-<p>"Get out!" the Chair cried, definitely beginning to show cracks about
-the outer surface. "Please go home. Please!"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm afraid I can't," Toffee said. She nodded significantly toward
-the convulsed members. "I'd hate to go and leave so much unfinished
-business behind. Or should I say so much behind, unfinished business?"</p>
-
-<p>"Do you mean to say that you are in some way responsible for that
-repellent demonstration in the aisle?"</p>
-
-<p>"I take the credit proudly," Toffee said. "Remember, I said I had a
-secret weapon? However, I must say that Mr. Pillsworth, here, has given
-me all sorts of moral support."</p>
-
-<p>"Thank you," Marc said with composure. "Glad to be associated with any
-enterprise of a worthwhile nature. I'm a real sucker for these toney
-clambakes."</p>
-
-<p>"Toney!" The Chair snorted in outrage. "I suppose you are able to undo
-this disgraceful state of affairs?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, quite," Toffee smiled. "In a twinkling. But I wonder if I really
-want to."</p>
-
-<p>"You must," the Chair said distractedly. "With all that moaning and
-groaning going on down there I can't hear myself think."</p>
-
-<p>"Heaven only knows why you should want to," Marc said, "with your
-dwarfed powers of reasoning."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Quiet!" the Chair snapped. "Young lady, I'm telling you to release
-those men from whatever unattractive thing is ailing them. That's a
-congressional order!"</p>
-
-<p>"Okay," Toffee said. "But with one stipulation."</p>
-
-<p>"And what is that, may I ask?"</p>
-
-<p>"That you follow the example of You Know Where&mdash;and follow it to the
-last bomb and factory."</p>
-
-<p>"What! Are you actually suggesting that we demobilize the country?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm telling you now," Toffee said earnestly. "And I'm telling you to
-do it immediately. Get religion, brother."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," the Chair said quietly. His hand moved cautiously toward an
-alarm button.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm sorry," Toffee murmured, "but I haven't time to waste on any more
-guards." She lifted her hand, made the necessary motion, and the Chair
-departed his moorings with a leap that sent his glasses sailing off
-into the air.</p>
-
-<p>"Murder!" he screamed, and crashed back into his seat in a fit of acute
-discomfort.</p>
-
-<p>"Well," Marc sighed. "Fair's fair. These boys have been giving everyone
-else that localized pain for years. Now they're just getting a shot of
-their own medicine. By the way, what happened to that little man from
-Intelligence?"</p>
-
-<p>"He's in with the congressmen," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>Dusting her hands lightly, she turned away just in time to see a door
-swing open to permit the pompous entrance of several over-costumed and
-over-decorated individuals who had obviously played the army and navy
-game with the right set of loaded dice.</p>
-
-<p>One, however, stood ahead of and apart from the others. He glittered
-and shone with all the bogus brilliance of a dime store jewelry
-counter. From the peak of his duck-tailed blonde hair to the tips of
-his two-toned shoes&mdash;passing quickly over his rust-red jacket and
-lemon yellow trousers&mdash;he was the absolute end and final gasp in
-well-upholstered commercial entertainers. As he stood impressively
-in the doorway his shirt front added the final touch of elegance by
-lighting up with the classical quote: Kiss Me Quick!</p>
-
-<p>"Good night!" Marc said. "President Flemm! And the heads of the War
-Department!"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>As Toffee gazed on this fine new catch, whole vistas of fresh
-achievement spread themselves before her. "Hail! Hail!" she said. "Deck
-the halls with poison ivy!"</p>
-
-<p>The President, having had his little joke, had since fallen into
-a mood for a bit of tribute from what he considered his official
-flunkies&mdash;or straight men. As he waited for the Congress to rise in
-his honor&mdash;without result&mdash;an expression of petulance swept over his
-features. It wasn't as though they weren't aware of his presence; he
-made himself known surely. Then why didn't the clods snap into it?</p>
-
-<p>He stepped imperiously to the head of the aisle, from whence there
-issued low sounds of displeasure and suddenly, with a start, found
-himself faced with a shattering view of a whole row of upturned
-bottoms.</p>
-
-<p>"Here, now!" he exclaimed. "What sort of greeting is this? If you
-men have some personal criticism to make against me there must be a
-nicer way of expressing it!" He swung about to the Chair. "Just who is
-responsible for this insulting...!"</p>
-
-<p>The words jammed together in his throat at the sight of the Chair whose
-sightless eyes peered down at him with every evidence of complete
-loathing. He seemed to snarl. In fact, as the President watched, the
-Chair actually did bare his fangs and snarl.</p>
-
-<p>"Now, just a minute!" the President cried, taken aback. "Maybe we do
-have our little differences now and again, but there's no need to
-get obstreperous about it. Now stop slavering at the mouth in that
-extraordinary way and tell those old fools in the aisle to turn around
-right end up."</p>
-
-<p>The Chair only snarled again.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, very well," the President said coolly. "If that's the attitude you
-want to take...."</p>
-
-<p>"I don't think you're really going to get anywhere with him," Toffee
-put in mildly.</p>
-
-<p>The President whirled about. "And who are you?"</p>
-
-<p>"You might say I'm in charge here," Toffee said. "My friend and I. I
-think you'll discover that the Congress is suffering from shock&mdash;in a
-way." She nodded to the Chair. "With that one, it's something I said."
-The big brass crowded in curiously from the rear and ogled Toffee with
-enormous appreciation. "Oddly, you are just the group I've been waiting
-to see. I've been wanting to tell you that the time has come for you to
-demobilize the nation&mdash;unload all that high-powered ammunition before
-it goes off and hurts someone."</p>
-
-<p>The President merely stared at her for a moment. Then he shook his
-head. "Wouldn't get a big enough laugh," he said.</p>
-
-<p>"I take it you are replying in the negative?" Toffee asked.</p>
-
-<p>"You got it, sis," the President said with his customary dignity.
-"Besides, just where do you get off telling me the time? Who signed you
-up for the act?"</p>
-
-<p>"Allow me to present my credentials," Toffee said, and raised her hand.
-"You'll get a kick out of this."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>A moment later President Flemm, quite to his own surprise, added
-acrobatic dancing to his list of talents. Toffee, aware that important
-persons required her best efforts, added a shot to the President's
-neck, having already administered to the more logical location.</p>
-
-<p>President Flemm's fine tenor assailed the air with ear-splitting
-clarity, as his companions edged away in terror. Clutching alternately
-at his neck and his rear, the man leaped about like a fan dancer
-deprived of her feathers before a meeting of young business executives.
-The President gave the performance of a man who was torn in his very
-soul.</p>
-
-<p>"Think that'll get a laugh?" Toffee asked. And then, lest the
-President desired companions, she quickly added the efforts of the War
-Department. The effect was engaging in a primitive sort of way, though
-there was a great deal of clanking and crashing of brass on brass.</p>
-
-<p>"Any time you gentlemen decide to sit one out," Toffee said, "just let
-me know. There are plenty of telephones handy with which to spread the
-good news."</p>
-
-<p>She and Marc retreated to the steps in front of the podium, picking up
-an abandoned bottle on the way. Toffee settled back comfortably and
-indulged in a long draft.</p>
-
-<p>"Hey," Marc said, "you might leave a swallow for me. I'm the one who
-needs the stimulant, you know."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee handed him the bottle, and for a moment they sat silent
-listening dreamily to the sounds of gnashing teeth and grunted curses
-that filled the air about them. Marc looked over to where the President
-and his cronies had fallen into a stupor of misery.</p>
-
-<p>"Looks like the government has collapsed," he observed drowsily. "I
-might say it has a pain in its brass."</p>
-
-<p>Even as he spoke, the President lifted an enfeebled hand and beckoned
-to them. "I think the President wishes a word with us."</p>
-
-<p>"Isn't it thrilling," Toffee said, "meeting all these important people
-on such intimate terms?" She tilted the bottle again. "Let's toddle
-over and see what the old comic wants."</p>
-
-<p>"This is excruciating!" the President panted as they approached.
-"You've got to stop it; it's unbearable."</p>
-
-<p>"Now you know how people felt about your jokes," Toffee said. "I take
-it you're on the verge of capitulation?"</p>
-
-<p>"Over the verge," the President grunted weakly. "Huh, fellas?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Four sets of clenched teeth bobbed up and down behind him, accompanied
-by the plaintive rattle of metal.</p>
-
-<p>"Good show, men," Toffee said. "That's using the old heads. Follow me
-to the telephones the best way you can and start the wires singing&mdash;my
-tune, of course."</p>
-
-<p>Half an hour later Toffee and Marc let themselves out of the room by
-the back way and walked along the corridor toward the street.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm hungry as an abandoned babe," Toffee said.</p>
-
-<p>Marc regarded her from beneath drooping eyelids. "I don't know if I
-can stay awake long enough to feed you," he said. Then he stopped and
-nodded worriedly back the way they'd come. "Are you sure you ought to
-leave them all groaning around in there like that?"</p>
-
-<p>"Until after the fireworks tonight," Toffee said. "When it comes to
-backing out on your word those boys could face to the rear and win
-the Olympic races without straining a nerve. Besides, suffering has a
-cleansing effect on the soul, they tell me, and that mob in there has
-the grimiest set of souls I've ever seen. I informed the lot of them
-that if they welched on this deal they'd stay that way the rest of
-their lives and would have to be buried in round coffins. We can come
-back and turn them loose later."</p>
-
-<p>"I suppose you're right," Marc said. "Right now, I've got to have a pot
-of coffee before I pass out."</p>
-
-<p>By now they had reached the sidewalk and luckily spotted a cab. Waving
-for the driver's attention, they hurried forward.</p>
-
-<p>It was just as Marc reached for the door of the cab that he suddenly
-stumbled. All at once his weariness became too great to be borne
-further; it reached to his very bones and turned them to sawdust. As he
-went down to his knees the blackness swam in around him. He reached out
-a hand to steady himself, but there was nothing to cling to. He was
-vaguely aware of falling....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Well, now, how'd you like a dame like that!" the cab driver exclaimed,
-climbing out of the car. "She takes a powder just because the guy gets
-a snootful and passes out!" He looked down at Marc who, sprawled on
-the sidewalk, was tuning up for a good solid snore. "I wonder where he
-belongs?"</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Wherever he belonged, Marc at that very moment was lounging in a state
-of quiet bliss on one of the rising slopes in the valley of his mind.
-He turned to regard Toffee whose costume had once again become the
-transparent tunic, and to reflect that Paris would have to go a long
-way to stitch up anything half as becoming. Toffee smiled back at him
-and propped herself up lazily on one elbow.</p>
-
-<p>"Well," she said. "It was something of a whirl, wasn't it? I mean it
-leaves one a trifle dizzy."</p>
-
-<p>"Whirl?" Marc asked. "How do you mean?" Recent events had slipped from
-his mind in the interval between awareness and slumber.</p>
-
-<p>"The bombs," Toffee said. "The politicians&mdash;" she held up her hand and
-displayed the ring "&mdash;and this."</p>
-
-<p>Memory jarred back into place. "Oh, my gosh!" Marc cried. "All those
-congressmen! And the President! They're all back there...! And you're
-here...! How'll you ever get them straightened out?"</p>
-
-<p>Toffee laughed. "I won't. There's going to be a terrific run on the
-Washington doctors for a while, that's all. Anyway, it'll do the old
-tubs good, give them something to think about next time they start
-getting gay with the public's time&mdash;and redheaded women."</p>
-
-<p>"Anyway," Marc said. "At least it proves that a well-placed jolt in
-the right place is a lot more powerful than any bomb. I was right in
-the first place. When warfare gets personal it loses its attraction. I
-suppose they'll be busy developing more and worse bombs as soon as the
-shock wears off, but at least the people in the world will have another
-chance to try and prevent them."</p>
-
-<p>Toffee shrugged lightly. "It just goes to show that world politics are
-really childishly simple when someone comes along with a firm hand."</p>
-
-<p>"Are you going to keep the ring?" Marc asked.</p>
-
-<p>Toffee shook her head. "I think I'll just dematerialize it; I never did
-care about gems." She regarded him slowly from the corner of her eye.
-"I have just one last use for it first."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes?" Marc asked with a note of apprehension. "What's that?"</p>
-
-<p>"Just this," Toffee said. She slid her arms around his neck and drew
-him close. "One twitch of resistance and I'll double you up like a
-pretzel."</p>
-
-<p>Marc sighed helplessly. "When you put it that way, what can I do?" he
-asked, and submitted unflinchingly to her kiss.</p>
-
-<p>It was just as she drew away, just as she brushed her hand over his
-shoulder, that the ring exploded.</p>
-
-<p>Actually it was only a burst of vibrant green light, but it was so
-intense that it blinded Marc, blocking Toffee and the valley from
-sight. Marc squinted against the brilliance and waited for it to die.
-But when it did there was only an infinite blackness where it had been.</p>
-
-<p>"Toffee?" Marc called tentatively. "Toffee, where are you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Goodbye, Marc," Toffee's voice said through the darkness. "Goodbye,
-you old reprobate."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Marc moved a bit to one side and felt of the softness beneath him
-before he opened his eyes. Then he opened them half fearfully,
-wondering where he was. He looked about slowly, then suddenly sat
-upright. He was home, in his own room, in his own bed.</p>
-
-<p>But it was dark outside, and the lamp was on. He had passed out on a
-street in Washington, if he remembered correctly. He was sure that was
-right, but he couldn't think how he had gotten home. Then he held his
-thoughts in abeyance and listened; there was the sound of a voice&mdash;a
-man's voice&mdash;and it seemed to be coming from downstairs....</p>
-
-<p>"<i>As each bomb bursts and casts out its power for destruction the
-burden becomes just so much lighter in the hearts of men all over the
-world. Tonight the bombs send out their light against the darkness, not
-as instruments of death and hate, but as multi-beamed beacons pointing
-the way to world peace. This is one of the greatest nights in human
-history!</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Marc leaped from the bed, drew on his robe which was lying across the
-bed, and ran out into the hallway. He was nearly to the head of the
-stairs when he stopped to listen again.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>The mystery surrounding the House of Congress since early today when
-the order for demobilization was issued from there by the President
-remains unsolved. Guards have been placed by presidential order at all
-entrances and exits, and no one, not even the President, has left the
-inner chamber. The press and other officials have been strenuously
-barred from entry, even at gun point in some instances. However a
-number of physicians have received calls from within the chamber and
-have been escorted into the room. A rumor persists that one of the
-members&mdash;Congressman Wright of Maine&mdash;was stricken with the mumps
-during today's session, placing the entire Congress in quarantine....</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Marc hurried down the stairs and into the living room. He stopped short
-at the sight of her.</p>
-
-<p>"Julie...!" he cried.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>She rose quickly from her chair and switched off the radio.</p>
-
-<p>"I had it fixed," she said. "I was so ashamed." Then her face lighted
-with joy. "Oh, darling, there's the most wonderful, wonderful news! The
-President ordered...!"</p>
-
-<p>"I know," Marc said. "I ... uh ... I heard it just now coming down the
-stairs." He went to her and drew her into his arms, and for a moment
-they were both still, just holding each other.</p>
-
-<p>"Julie...?" Marc said, and she nodded. "When did you come back?"</p>
-
-<p>"The same night I left, of course," Julie smiled. "I only got as far as
-the station and I got to thinking that if anything happened ... and we
-weren't together.... Anyway, I turned right around and came back. I
-was nearly frantic when you weren't here. I just sat here and cried and
-blamed myself."</p>
-
-<p>"I see," Marc said. "And ... uh ... how did I get back?"</p>
-
-<p>"The taxi driver brought you. He found your address in your wallet."</p>
-
-<p>"All the way from Washington?"</p>
-
-<p>"He said there was a young lady he wanted to see here anyway, and he
-only charged half fare." She put her hand to his cheek. "Oh, I was so
-relieved when I found out you'd only been on a bender. In fact I was
-a little flattered that you were that desperate without me." She drew
-closer. "Oh, darling, we both behaved so childishly. We deserved just
-what we got&mdash;a good swift kick in the...."</p>
-
-<p>But Marc kissed her quickly&mdash;and for a long time&mdash;until he was sure a
-new topic for conversation had come into her mind....</p>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VENGEANCE OF TOFFEE ***</div>
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