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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5224afb --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #65101 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65101) diff --git a/old/65101-0.txt b/old/65101-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index ae82230..0000000 --- a/old/65101-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1163 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Maid--To Order, by Hal Annas - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Maid--To Order - -Author: Hal Annas - -Release Date: April 18, 2021 [eBook #65101] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAID--TO ORDER *** - - - - - MAID--TO ORDER! - - By HAL ANNAS - - Herb Cornith didn't really mind getting - married as long as the girl answered his strict - specifications which were simply--a superwoman! - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy - February 1951 - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -Herb Cornith shook his dark head in disappointment. "Nope," he said, -"she won't do. Lacks an ounce of being the right weight." - -The willowy blonde behind the desk blinked blue eyes and frowned. -"But Mr. Cornith," she insisted, "you fit Miss Lucy Hollowell's -specifications perfectly. She even specified that the man must be very -exacting, meticulous and choosy. Certainly you are being all of that -when you quibble over an ounce in her weight." - -Cornith picked up the specification sheet in his muscular right hand. -He studied it out of thoughtful brown eyes. "This doesn't look right," -he said. "I'll admit that I have strong features, but I'm not handsome." - -"To a woman, you are handsome, Mr. Cornith. In fact, magnetically so." - -"I'm only six feet tall, not seventy-three inches." - -"That is a typographical error, Mr. Cornith. It should read seventy-two -inches. The corrected copy should be along soon. Something went wrong -with the machine." - -"And my eyes are not particularly expressive. I generally conceal my -thoughts." - -"That, Mr. Cornith, is merely your own opinion. You don't know what -expression you might put into your eyes when you look into the eyes of -your soul-mate." - -"The eyes of my what?" - -"Excuse me, Mr. Cornith. I know you're not the poetic type. You're the -rugged type, but brainy, realistic. Still, you fit the specifications." - -"You said there was another sheet to the specifications?" - -"Yes. It won't be finished until tomorrow. But let me assure you that -it fits you. In fact, it describes your every virtue and fault." - -Cornith glanced round the large room. His brown eyes came to rest on -a model of an early Martian rocket ship. He studied it for a space, -mentally seeing its interior and its outmoded atomic drive. It reminded -him that he should get back to the laboratory and check on those -ray-collector tests. This business of dickering over specifications for -a wife was a nuisance. His requirements had been on file since he had -taken the Levet test at the age of eighteen. Because of his exacting -nature they had been hard to fill. Now at twenty-seven he was still -unmarried. Not that he cared. But by reason of the fact that he was of -the higher mental level, and physically fitted to survive in a complex -and expanding civilization, he was urged by the Foundation to marry and -beget children. - - * * * * * - -This was the accepted procedure. Marriage was seldom discouraged, but -it was urged only on those who came up to certain specifications. The -purpose was to improve mankind in order that man might hold his own in -a solar system that was even now reaching out toward the stars. The -system had long been in effect on Mars, but owing to the colder climate -and the thinner atmosphere, Mars had less than a tenth the population -of earth. Selective breeding alone had enabled these to survive. - -"Sorry," Cornith said. "This Lucy Hollowell fits everything except she -is too skinny. I don't want a bag of bones for a wife." - -The blonde smiled wryly. "She is only a half-ounce under the -specifications, to be exact. Perhaps you have not carefully read your -requirements. Let me remind you, Mr. Cornith, the Foundation probed -your every thought, conscious and subconscious, your every physical -reaction, and they specified merely that the girl must be unusually -intelligent, naming the subjects which will fit into your pattern; that -she must be beautiful according to your standards; that she must be -five-feet four-inches tall and weigh a hundred and twenty-three pounds. - -"Now, Mr. Cornith, there is one little thing which the Foundation has -decided that you implanted in your thoughts by suggestion before taking -the test. They decided that you were being facetious. I am alluding -to the specified requirements that your wife must be able to wiggle -her ears, throw her voice and perform sleight-of-hand tricks, among -other curious things. The Foundation says that these things may not be -essentially required. But they do admit the requirement that she must -be eager to please you at all times. And since it is Lucy Hollowell's -nature to be eager to please the man she marries, she is even now -practicing ventriloquism and learning how to wiggle her ears. She has -a brilliant mind and will have no difficulty learning a number of -sleight-of-hand tricks." - -"But she's too skinny!" - -"Half an ounce, Mr. Cornith. She weighs a hundred and twenty-two -pounds, fifteen ounces. She could very easily gain that ounce by making -an effort, but you specified that there should be no conscious effort -to meet physical measurements and weight requirements. She was to be -weighed, dripping wet, as she came from under the shower, just before -breakfast. We assume that the wetness weighed half an ounce." - -"I don't like skinny females." - -"We have another one, less brilliant, but who meets all physical -requirements other than weighing a hundred and twenty-three pounds and -four ounces." - -"Too fat. Can't stand fat women." - -"Would you permit Lucy Hollowell to gain half an ounce consciously? She -can do it in a few hours. Has a brilliant mind. Can regulate her own -glandular flow." - -"No. I don't want to marry a woman who is always thinking about her -weight, and if she starts now--" - -"You're very exacting, Mr. Cornith!" - -"Naturally. The requirements of Lucy Hollowell demand an exacting man. -At least that's what the Foundation reports." - -"Then you are giving her serious thought?" - - * * * * * - -"None whatever! She's too skinny. If she just had an ounce more meat on -her bones, I'd marry her and not even ask her name. But I don't want to -live the balance of my days with a female who looks like an animated -skeleton, who has to stand twice in the same spot to cast a shadow, who -has to drink tomato juice to keep you from looking through her." - -"How about the woman of the same height who weighs a hundred and -twenty-three pounds, four ounces." - -"A beef-trust like that! Count me out. She'd cast her shadow twice. -It would take a week to hug her, a little at a time. She'd shake -the house down every time she walked across the floor. Impossible to -keep her in clothes. I'd need a nylon and linen factory to supply the -material for one outfit. No! I'd rather have a skeleton than a whale." - -"Then you'll consider Lucy Hollowell?" - -"I didn't say that. I wouldn't mind taking a look at her from a -distance, because if she does fit the other specifications she must be -something out of a dream. Too bad she has to be built like a rail." - -"Not like a rail, Mr. Cornith." - -"A skeleton then." - -"Not like a skeleton, either. She is Miss Venus of 2190." - -"What? You mean, this gawky Lucy Hollowell is the same as that gorgeous -bundle of curves and pulchritude?" - -"Exactly. And now you're interested, huh?" - -"No. She doesn't meet the specifications." - -"But you'll let her come over to the laboratory and watch you work, -won't you? After all, you meet her requirements." - -"No! I don't want any walking bean-poles around the laboratory." - -"But maybe she wouldn't appear just that." - -"She's underweight." - -"According to your requirements--only. Thousands of men think she is -perfect. And she's going to be mighty disappointed if her dream man--" - -"Her what?" - -"Sorry. I forgot you're not the poetic type. She doesn't think of you -as her dream man, but she does think of you as being everything she -wants in a man. You'll let her come to the laboratory, won't you?" - -"No." - -"But she does at least want to see you. Do you know you are the only -man out of thousands who exactly meets her requirements? Even to those -crinkles in your forehead when you frown. And even to being stubborn -about things." - -"I've got to get back and check those ray-collectors--" - -"And you'll let her go along with you?" - -"No." - -"But she's waiting in the next office, and your requirements call for a -woman who has a mind of her own. I think she's--" - -"Not a mind of her own that makes her determined to have her own way in -everything." - -"Of course not. But I think she's--" - -"I specified a woman who would not try to wear the pants." - -"She won't. That is, not yours, anyway. Though you're too big for them. -But I think she's going with you to the laboratory." - - * * * * * - -"That's what you think," Cornith said with finality and stood up. -"No long, lean, gawky drink-of-water is going to tag along after Herb -Cornith. Especially a female bag of bones. Uh! Excuse me. Who is the -lady who just entered without knocking?" - -"Oh! Just a second. Miss Hollowell, Mr. Cornith was just getting ready -to come by for you. Miss Hollowell, Mr. Cornith." - -Cornith drew a deep breath and ran a finger beneath his collar. He -stared, drinking in the beauty of the symmetrical figure beneath -the rose-colored dress, the radiance of the smooth features. He had -seen her before, but only in a vague dream in which she was far more -lovely than the telecast views of Miss Venus, but in the dream she -had not done to him what she was doing now. She acted upon him much -as a single-pole magnet does to a magnet of opposite polarity. More, -she seemed stunned herself. Her lips parted slightly, revealing white -teeth, and her deep azure eyes seemed to be saying things that only -eyes can say. - -"A pleasure," Cornith said, enclosing her small warm hand in his. "I -was just telling Miss--" He gestured toward the girl behind the desk. -"I was just telling her that I--er, I, uh." - -"You're going to the laboratory," Lucy Hollowell said, more as a direct -reading of his thoughts than as a question. - -Cornith smiled, nodded. "Care to come along?" - -Lucy Hollowell withdrew her hand and a deck of cards materialized from -nowhere and spread out fanwise between her small thumb and forefinger. -Cornith gaped. In the next instant his attention was attracted to her -ears which peeked from beneath silken platinum hair. The ears were -wiggling enchantingly. - -Flushed and hot, Cornith reached to his breast pocket for a -handkerchief. He was astonished to find a large Spanish rose protruding -from the pocket. He held it in his hand and stared at it in stunned -silence. Lucy Hollowell extended a small white hand and took the rose -from him. She held it against her cheek until he saw that her lips and -the rose were the same color. Then she fastened it in her platinum hair -where its warm red petals contrasted brilliantly. - -"Er, uh. I was saying--" Cornith began lamely. - -"That she's a bag of bones," a voice behind him finished. - -Cornith whirled, and the same voice in a distant part of the room said, -"Over here!" Cornith jumped. He puzzled for a moment and then it dawned -over him that those small voices had the same deep huskiness that Lucy -Hollowell's voice had. He turned back to her and smiled weakly. - -"You were inviting me to go to the laboratory with you?" Lucy said. - -Cornith nodded. "Thought it might interest--" He broke off abruptly, -his mouth hanging open. He could not believe his ears. He was hearing -his own voice, or a fair imitation of it, repeating his earlier words, -"Gawky ... beanpole ... tagging...." - -"Stop that!" he said abruptly. - - * * * * * - -Silence reigned and Lucy Hollowell remained in rigid immobility. And -while Cornith stared, her peachblown cheeks became pink, then red. The -veins in her lovely neck swelled and throbbed. She turned slowly on -tottering legs and gently collapsed into Cornith's arms. - -"What th--?" He twisted his neck and looked at the blonde in frantic -appeal. "What's the matter with her? Can't you do something?" - -"Your requirements demand," the blonde replied unemotionally, "a woman -who is very obedient. When you told her to 'stop that!' she stopped -everything, including breathing." - -"Oh!" Cornith sighed in relief. "So that's it!" - -"Better tell her to begin breathing again," the blonde said casually. - -"But the requirements shouldn't be taken that literally," Cornith -argued. - -"She won't take everything literally. An understanding between you -will straighten that out. But meanwhile, you'd better tell her to -breathe again." - -Cornith looked down at the lovely face which had now regained its -normal peachblown color. He was astonished to see a tiny bit of deep -azure beneath an eyelid that wasn't quite closed. Instantly the lid -closed tightly, quivered a trifle and remained shut. Cornith's mind -worked swiftly, reconstructing events from the beginning, and he -recalled the swelling veins, the careful turning to fall into his arms, -the flushed cheeks which were not the color that normally precedes -fainting. He noticed now the shallow, controlled breathing, and he felt -a slight tremor in the soft warm body he held in his arms. - -Drawing her close, Cornith said, "This ought to make her snap out of -it," and pressed his lips firmly against hers. - -"No, no, Mr. Cornith!" the blonde exclaimed. "The requirements say that -she is supposed to swoon when you do that." - -It was true. Lucy Hollowell seemed to revive and then swoon in ecstasy. -She slumped limply in Cornith's arms while a faint tremor ran through -her warm body. To make certain the results were mathematically precise, -Cornith tried again, kissing her a little more firmly this time. The -response was the same. In the interest of science, he tested the matter -a third time, and then turned raptly to the blonde. - -"Look! She swoons everytime I kiss her." - -"Naturally, Mr. Cornith," the blonde commented a trifle bitterly. "Your -requirements demand that, even though it is thought by some members -of the Foundation that you were in a facetious mood when you took the -Levet examination. They suspect that you implanted a large number of -suggestions prior to the event, to bias your responses in a manner not -in keeping with the seriousness of the occasion. That is not a problem -for this department. We have provided you with a woman who fulfills -every requirement stated--" - -"She's underweight," Cornith insisted. - -"Does she look too thin?" - -"No! She's perfect. But she lacks an ounce--" - - * * * * * - -Smack! A small white hand struck Cornith's cheek resoundingly and -brought the blood stinging to the surface. He almost dropped the girl. -She got her long, slender legs under her and supported her own weight. -Smack! Another small hand caught Cornith stingingly on the other cheek. -He drew a deep breath, felt his muscles contracting. - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith!" the blonde warned. "The specifications demand -that your wife shall have plenty of fire." - -"That doesn't give her a right to knock my head off," Cornith -blustered. "Besides, she's not my wife!" - -"Are you hurt, darling?" Lucy Hollowell said sympathetically. "I'm -sorry! Here! Let me kiss your cheeks and make them well." - -"What th--?" - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! She's supposed to be sympathetic and -understanding and very tender when you need her." - -"I don't need that sort of sympathy and understanding." - -"Look!" Lucy Hollowell cupped his chin in one soft hand and forced him -to look at her. "My ears!" They were wiggling again in rhythm with the -soft strains of a waltz coming from some hidden source. - -"Stop that! No, no, no! Don't stop breathing. Just stop wiggling your -ears. Don't faint. Stand still. And stop plucking coins out of the air. -And if that's you making that music, stop that, too." - -Silence reigned. Lucy Hollowell remained perfectly still. The -expression on her lovely features was one of interest and concern. Her -ripe lips quivered slightly. "You don't like me?" she said. - -"I do, too." - -Instantly the girl was all over Cornith, hugging him and kissing him at -the same time and murmuring endearments. - -"Hey!" - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith. She's supposed to be very responsive to words -of love." - -"I didn't say anything about love." - -"You said you liked her." - -"I merely said, 'I do, too'." - -"But she's supposed to understand even when you don't put everything in -words." - -"When is she supposed to stop this--this necking?" - -"She will let you alone when you want to be let alone." - -Lucy Hollowell stepped back, patted her platinum hair and glanced at -her image in a small mirror. Then she smiled sweetly at Cornith and -returned to his side. "Shall we go?" she said. - -This sudden change in mood and recovery of self-possession, after her -demonstration of a moment before, was more than Cornith could readily -grasp. The blonde supplied the answer. - -"Her moods change with the situation and needs of the moment." - - * * * * * - -Cornith scratched his dark head. "I don't know," he commented -reflectively. "I didn't think any woman in the world would fit the -requirements I put in. At eighteen I thought the whole idea was stupid. -I didn't want to get married." - -"Of course," Lucy said understandingly. "You still think those -examinations and tests and specifications are stupid. I understand. -And you put in a lot of things you didn't want. But I had to meet the -requirements, and my reactions and responses had to be some actual part -of me, not ad lib. I can change them in time." - -"She's very understanding, Mr. Cornith, and eager to please." - -"But it's all nonsense," Cornith insisted. - -"Of course it is," Lucy said sympathetically. "It isn't right for you -to have to marry a girl who meets all of the requirements you didn't -want. I know just how you feel, and after we're married we'll work -together to amend the Foundation regulations." - -"I didn't say I'd marry you." - -"Of course you didn't. And it isn't fair for you to have to do it. I -know just how you feel. And I'll comfort you all I can. Here you have -a woman on your hands whose reactions are everything you thought was -silly. Because you're a scientist and don't like nonsense. At least, -not too much of it. And you put all those things in, thinking that -everybody would see how silly they were. You didn't think anybody would -be stupid enough actually to be like that. I feel so sorry for you, -having to marry a woman with all those silly things ingrained in her -reactions." - -"We're not married yet." - -"That's the worst part. It's that anxiety before an event of doubtful -outcome. I'm so sorry, darling! Put your head here on my breast and -let me comfort you." - -"Dash it!" - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith. The specifications ... a woman of deep -feeling ... ready to comfort." - -"Dash it! Dash it! Dash it!" - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! If you give way to your feelings, no telling -what might happen. That's one of the things you didn't anticipate. -There's nothing in the specifications--" - -"Here!" Lucy opened her handbag and drew out a flask. "You need a -drink. Brace up. There are worse things than being married." - -"I don't drink." Cornith seized the flask and tossed off a swallow. -"Ah! Martian Vinth! Never touch the stuff." He took another swallow. -"Now I don't have to marry you. I deliberately specified that my wife -should not be a Vinth sot." - -"Herb darling, you're so clever! I detest the stuff. But I happened to -know that scientists drink it to strengthen their minds and to keep -their health up. I brought it along to prove how thoughtful I am. I -also have in my handbag a length of chewing rope." - -Cornith shook his head. "I don't chew, but you go right ahead." - - * * * * * - -Lucy shook her head. "Too bad. I chew, drink, smoke, brawl, swear, lie, -steal, eat with my knife, and throw things. All in the specifications. -I do everything except drink Vinth. Too bad you don't. We could have -so much fun together, chewing and drinking and lying and stealing and -fighting and throwing things." - -"But I didn't mean all those things." - -"Of course you didn't, darling! And I'm so sorry you put them in. But -what's done is done, and there's no use worrying about it. Take another -drink and brace up." - -Cornith took another drink and returned the flask. He felt better now. -The Martian Vinth had both a soothing and exhilarating effect. The -things that had seemed so stupid a moment before now seemed reasonable. - -"All right," he said. "If you do all of those things, you qualify. -Let's have a specimen lie to see how good you are." - -"I hate you!" - -"Now wait! Don't fly off the handle." - -"But darling! I was merely giving you a sample lie." - -"You mean, you love me?" - -"No." - -"Then why do you want to marry me?" - -"I don't." - -"Oh! I see. You're lying." - -"Of course." - -"Tell the truth. Do you love me?" - -"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! There's nothing in the specifications about -telling the truth about anything at any time whatever." - -"Oh, my Gawd!" The full realization of the awful truth shook Cornith, -froze the mellow glow the Martian Vinth had instilled. "I didn't -include any good qualities at all in the specifications!" - -"And I'm so sorry," Lucy said tenderly. "Because I could very easily -have trained myself to be good, to be all of the things you wanted. -But I had to follow the specifications. It was the only way I could -qualify. Maybe I can change--in five or ten years." - -Cornith shook his head sadly. "In five or ten years it won't matter one -way or another." - -"Then you're going to marry me and get used to me?" - -"No." - -"But Herb, darling! I've worked so hard making myself all of the silly -things your specifications demanded. Nobody else will want a woman like -that. Besides, I've been in love with you ever since you worked out the -formula for canning cosmic rays." - -"You remember that?" - -"Of course. Saw you for the first time then, in teleview. You reminded -me of something I'd been dreaming." - -"What?" - -"Tell you after we're married." - -"I'm not going to marry you." - -"You'll have to. I can pass all the requirements. Here's your wallet I -stole out of your pocket ten minutes ago. And the law says--" - -"But you're an ounce underweight." - -"Are you going to let a little thing like that--?" - - * * * * * - -Lucy halted abruptly and Cornith smiled serenely. "Sure," he said. "The -specifications require the female to weigh a hundred and twenty-three -pounds, dripping wet, and she may not change her weight consciously by -eating or drinking. Now, I'll give you a sporting chance. You weigh a -hundred and twenty-two pounds and fifteen ounces, or maybe a little -less. You can weigh yourself and see. If you gain an ounce, or enough -to make you weigh one twenty-three, within an hour, and without eating -or drinking, or thinking about your body, I'll marry you and not even -ask your name." - -"There are certain absorptions--" - -"Nope. That's out. You'd have to think about your body." - -Lucy's smooth brow puckered. She stepped quickly to the desk and spun -the globe resting there. - -"Nope. No luck there. We're almost at sea level. You can't get any -lower than that. And if you went to higher altitude you'd weigh less." - -Suddenly Lucy smiled, snatched up a pencil and began figuring on a pad, -and Cornith mused reflectively: "She's a good sport. And a beauty. -By George! I hope she figures it out." Then he frowned. "But it's -impossible." - -Lucy dropped the pencil and clapped her hands. "I have it," she -exclaimed. "Time me now." - -"I'll have to weigh you first," Cornith said. "Dripping wet." - -Lucy's cheeks became a shade pinker. "Won't you take my word for it?" - -Cornith shook his head. "You're an accomplished liar." - -"I'll weigh her," the blonde offered. - -Cornith shrugged. "It's okay with me. But when you claim you weigh a -hundred and twenty-three pounds, with no ounces lacking, I'm going to -do the weighing." - -Lucy's cheeks took on a rosy shade. Apparently preoccupied with her -own thoughts, she made no reply. She followed the blonde girl out of -the room and Cornith sat on the edge of the desk to wait. He wished -now that he had not posed the problem. He could think of a thousand -reasons why it would be interesting to be married to such an intensely -alive creature. And he wasn't deceived about what were termed her bad -qualities. They were the result of a training pattern. They were not -her basic personality and they were not deeply ingrained. In fact, she -could be, and was, everything he wanted in a woman. He had made up his -mind to ask her to marry him even if she failed to solve the problem, -when she and the blonde returned. - - * * * * * - -There were faint beads of moisture on the lobes of Lucy's ears, and the -rose-colored dress hung awry. "Didn't have time to dry thoroughly, and -had to jump into my clothes. Hurry! We're going to be married. Right -now!" - -"How much do you weigh?" - -"One twenty-two, fourteen and three-quarter ounces. But I'll weigh one -twenty-three within twenty minutes." - -Cornith shook his head. "Stubborn," he told himself. "Bluffing. Lying. -I ought to teach her a lesson." - -"I'm going to put a clause in the ceremony," he said aloud, "that if -you don't weigh exactly a hundred and twenty-three pounds, we're not -legally married." - -"You're so clever," she smiled. "I was going to do that myself." - -"Game, anyway," Cornith mused, as he followed her hurriedly out to the -chute and up to the roof. - -"We'll get married and then you can weigh me," she said. "And if I -don't weigh one twenty-three--" Her brow puckered. "Gee! I hope I've -got it figured right." - -"If you don't weigh a hundred and twenty-three, it won't be legal," -Cornith insisted. "I'm going to put in that clause." - -A look of pain showed in her features for an instant, then it was gone -and she led the way to a sky-taxi. - -"There's a hurry-up marrying place ten minutes away," she said. "Same -altitude. Near sea level. We can get married in a hurry there." - -Cornith shrugged. "Tell the driver." - -Thirty minutes later they were married, with the cancelling clause -included. Cornith thought now that he had carried the joke too far. -Lucy seemed on the verge of tears. Besides, they would not be legally -and finally married until after he had weighed her. And he knew now -that she meant to abide strictly by the words of the ceremony, that if -the scales showed less than a hundred and twenty-three pounds she would -not consider herself married. He thought of finagling the scales. But -she went along with him to buy them, and insisted that they be checked -and sealed to the hundredth of an ounce. Cornith knew now that she was -not only a liar, but the most sincere and conscientious person he had -ever known. - - * * * * * - -He felt cheap and mean and low as he accompanied her into the bridal -suite he had engaged via pocket-communicator. He placed the scales on -the floor and felt as though he had deliberately cheated and tricked -an innocent child. He could see that Lucy was uncertain of herself. -He could feel the tremors of fear that shook her, the doubts, the -questions of right and wrong, the wondering what all this was going -to do to her happiness. He would have traded his hunting lodge on Mars -just for the privilege of going back and changing it all and telling -her that she was perfect at a hundred and twenty-two pounds, fifteen -ounces, and need never change an iota to please him. - -She turned slowly to face him, and two crystal tears formed in the -corners of her azure eyes. "Just one kiss," she begged. "Because I -might fail, and that means the end." - -Cornith held her close. He wished there was something he could do to -comfort her, to change it all, but he knew the depth of her sincerity, -and he knew that she would offer no excuse, would accept no failure -even from herself. Indeed, her whole happiness, it seemed, depended -upon her promise that she would fill the specifications even to that -final ounce. - -She pushed him away and smiled through her tears. "I'm losing weight by -crying," she said. "Gee, golly! I hope I've figured it right." - -"Dripping wet," he said. "Leave the suds on if you wish." - -She shook her head. "That wouldn't be honest." She broke away, ran -to the bathroom. She stepped inside the bathroom and drew the door -shut. Cornith stood there alone, and suddenly he felt as though his -own weight had increased. Something was gone, locked away from him, -something that had been vitally alive and warm and colorful. He walked -over to the window and stood looking down at the street below. It was -filled with life, but its life seemed alien, remote. His ears picked -up the faint sound of the shower, and he knew that his thoughts would -always hereafter be filled with the memory of how close he had come to -happiness. - -He heard the bathroom door open softly, but he didn't dare look. His -heart was too heavy. Then he heard the soft, tremulous voice. "I've -got soap in my eyes. Come look at the scales. Don't look at me. I'm -dripping wet." - -Cornith turned slowly, caught his breath. The vision that met his eyes -was a loveliness transcending his wildest dreams. The coruscating beads -of water were like flashing jewels adorning a soft pink and white body, -vitally alive and yet trembling in fear. He stepped quickly to the -scales and looked. - - * * * * * - -A warm glow started at his feet and rushed upward, making him giddy -as it swept over his neck and face and on into his brain. The scales -showed a hundred and twenty-three pounds and four one-hundredths of an -ounce. He glanced up. She had wiped the soap out of her eyes and those -azure orbs were flashing a surge of joy unparalleled. - -Cornith sprang to take her in his arms, but she leaped away, raced to -the bathroom, slammed the door and locked it. - -"Come on out," he said. "You saw the scales." - -"I'm not coming out," she called back, "until you figure out how I did -it." - -"Don't be silly." - -"I'm a determined woman, Herb darling!" - -And Cornith knew that it was true. There was nothing left but to get -to work and figure out how she had accomplished the seeming miracle. -He drew out a chair at the writing desk, found paper and felt for his -pen. He stated the problem, cancelling out eating and drinking, for he -had been with her all of the time and she had not taken anything. He -thought that perhaps she and the blonde had lied about her original -weight. But that didn't fit. She had been sincerely worried about -whether she would succeed. Ah! There it was. - -He went to work and in three minutes he had two pages filled with -figures, ciphers and symbols. He smiled grimly to himself and worked -on. Ten minutes passed. He heard her call from the bathroom, but did -not answer. He was engrossed with the problem. He worked on and on, -eliminating variables, restating the problem, beginning anew with a -different theory, working on and on. An hour passed. - -[Illustration: As the equations sped through his mind her image was -always among them.] - -With the desk and floor littered, Cornith paused reflectively. He -heard a soft movement behind him, then Lucy's voice said, "I couldn't -wait any longer. I've come to help you." - -"Don't bother me now," Cornith said. He jotted down another row of -numerals, then leaned back and sighed. - -Two warm arms went around his neck. "Was it so difficult?" she asked. -"I figured it out in no time. It's just that gravity differs at the -poles and the equator. It is slightly more at the poles. About one -in fifty, I think. I didn't know for certain. But on that basis I -figured there would be a change in specific gravity of about an ounce -every hundred miles or so. I had to guess at it. That's why I was -so frightened. Anyway, we flew over two hundred miles north to this -hurry-up place. Do you understand it, darling?" - -"You mean, about your weight and the difference in gravity between the -equator and the poles?" - -"Yes, darling." - -"I figured that out in the first three seconds after I sat down. I've -been computing your basic personality, trying to figure out how long -you would remain in the bathroom before coming out to help me. I missed -it somewhere. I figured you'd be in there another two hours. I'll have -to check my figures. Go away." - -"Oh, no, you won't recheck them." She placed a hand over the paper. "On -this one I'm going to help. The error is right there. You didn't allow -enough for the volume and strength of my love to cancel out the volume -and strength of my determination and resistance. Square resistance and -raise love to the power of ten. And now if you don't give me a big -kiss, I'll revert to the specifications and steal one." - -In the next instant she was crushed in his strong arms. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Maid--To Order</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Hal Annas</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 18, 2021 [eBook #65101]</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</div> - -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAID--TO ORDER ***</div> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>MAID—TO ORDER!</h1> - -<h2>By HAL ANNAS</h2> - -<p>Herb Cornith didn't really mind getting<br /> -married as long as the girl answered his strict<br /> -specifications which were simply—a superwoman!</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br /> -February 1951<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Herb Cornith shook his dark head in disappointment. "Nope," he said, -"she won't do. Lacks an ounce of being the right weight."</p> - -<p>The willowy blonde behind the desk blinked blue eyes and frowned. -"But Mr. Cornith," she insisted, "you fit Miss Lucy Hollowell's -specifications perfectly. She even specified that the man must be very -exacting, meticulous and choosy. Certainly you are being all of that -when you quibble over an ounce in her weight."</p> - -<p>Cornith picked up the specification sheet in his muscular right hand. -He studied it out of thoughtful brown eyes. "This doesn't look right," -he said. "I'll admit that I have strong features, but I'm not handsome."</p> - -<p>"To a woman, you are handsome, Mr. Cornith. In fact, magnetically so."</p> - -<p>"I'm only six feet tall, not seventy-three inches."</p> - -<p>"That is a typographical error, Mr. Cornith. It should read seventy-two -inches. The corrected copy should be along soon. Something went wrong -with the machine."</p> - -<p>"And my eyes are not particularly expressive. I generally conceal my -thoughts."</p> - -<p>"That, Mr. Cornith, is merely your own opinion. You don't know what -expression you might put into your eyes when you look into the eyes of -your soul-mate."</p> - -<p>"The eyes of my what?"</p> - -<p>"Excuse me, Mr. Cornith. I know you're not the poetic type. You're the -rugged type, but brainy, realistic. Still, you fit the specifications."</p> - -<p>"You said there was another sheet to the specifications?"</p> - -<p>"Yes. It won't be finished until tomorrow. But let me assure you that -it fits you. In fact, it describes your every virtue and fault."</p> - -<p>Cornith glanced round the large room. His brown eyes came to rest on -a model of an early Martian rocket ship. He studied it for a space, -mentally seeing its interior and its outmoded atomic drive. It reminded -him that he should get back to the laboratory and check on those -ray-collector tests. This business of dickering over specifications for -a wife was a nuisance. His requirements had been on file since he had -taken the Levet test at the age of eighteen. Because of his exacting -nature they had been hard to fill. Now at twenty-seven he was still -unmarried. Not that he cared. But by reason of the fact that he was of -the higher mental level, and physically fitted to survive in a complex -and expanding civilization, he was urged by the Foundation to marry and -beget children.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>This was the accepted procedure. Marriage was seldom discouraged, but -it was urged only on those who came up to certain specifications. The -purpose was to improve mankind in order that man might hold his own in -a solar system that was even now reaching out toward the stars. The -system had long been in effect on Mars, but owing to the colder climate -and the thinner atmosphere, Mars had less than a tenth the population -of earth. Selective breeding alone had enabled these to survive.</p> - -<p>"Sorry," Cornith said. "This Lucy Hollowell fits everything except she -is too skinny. I don't want a bag of bones for a wife."</p> - -<p>The blonde smiled wryly. "She is only a half-ounce under the -specifications, to be exact. Perhaps you have not carefully read your -requirements. Let me remind you, Mr. Cornith, the Foundation probed -your every thought, conscious and subconscious, your every physical -reaction, and they specified merely that the girl must be unusually -intelligent, naming the subjects which will fit into your pattern; that -she must be beautiful according to your standards; that she must be -five-feet four-inches tall and weigh a hundred and twenty-three pounds.</p> - -<p>"Now, Mr. Cornith, there is one little thing which the Foundation has -decided that you implanted in your thoughts by suggestion before taking -the test. They decided that you were being facetious. I am alluding -to the specified requirements that your wife must be able to wiggle -her ears, throw her voice and perform sleight-of-hand tricks, among -other curious things. The Foundation says that these things may not be -essentially required. But they do admit the requirement that she must -be eager to please you at all times. And since it is Lucy Hollowell's -nature to be eager to please the man she marries, she is even now -practicing ventriloquism and learning how to wiggle her ears. She has -a brilliant mind and will have no difficulty learning a number of -sleight-of-hand tricks."</p> - -<p>"But she's too skinny!"</p> - -<p>"Half an ounce, Mr. Cornith. She weighs a hundred and twenty-two -pounds, fifteen ounces. She could very easily gain that ounce by making -an effort, but you specified that there should be no conscious effort -to meet physical measurements and weight requirements. She was to be -weighed, dripping wet, as she came from under the shower, just before -breakfast. We assume that the wetness weighed half an ounce."</p> - -<p>"I don't like skinny females."</p> - -<p>"We have another one, less brilliant, but who meets all physical -requirements other than weighing a hundred and twenty-three pounds and -four ounces."</p> - -<p>"Too fat. Can't stand fat women."</p> - -<p>"Would you permit Lucy Hollowell to gain half an ounce consciously? She -can do it in a few hours. Has a brilliant mind. Can regulate her own -glandular flow."</p> - -<p>"No. I don't want to marry a woman who is always thinking about her -weight, and if she starts now—"</p> - -<p>"You're very exacting, Mr. Cornith!"</p> - -<p>"Naturally. The requirements of Lucy Hollowell demand an exacting man. -At least that's what the Foundation reports."</p> - -<p>"Then you are giving her serious thought?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"None whatever! She's too skinny. If she just had an ounce more meat on -her bones, I'd marry her and not even ask her name. But I don't want to -live the balance of my days with a female who looks like an animated -skeleton, who has to stand twice in the same spot to cast a shadow, who -has to drink tomato juice to keep you from looking through her."</p> - -<p>"How about the woman of the same height who weighs a hundred and -twenty-three pounds, four ounces."</p> - -<p>"A beef-trust like that! Count me out. She'd cast her shadow twice. -It would take a week to hug her, a little at a time. She'd shake -the house down every time she walked across the floor. Impossible to -keep her in clothes. I'd need a nylon and linen factory to supply the -material for one outfit. No! I'd rather have a skeleton than a whale."</p> - -<p>"Then you'll consider Lucy Hollowell?"</p> - -<p>"I didn't say that. I wouldn't mind taking a look at her from a -distance, because if she does fit the other specifications she must be -something out of a dream. Too bad she has to be built like a rail."</p> - -<p>"Not like a rail, Mr. Cornith."</p> - -<p>"A skeleton then."</p> - -<p>"Not like a skeleton, either. She is Miss Venus of 2190."</p> - -<p>"What? You mean, this gawky Lucy Hollowell is the same as that gorgeous -bundle of curves and pulchritude?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly. And now you're interested, huh?"</p> - -<p>"No. She doesn't meet the specifications."</p> - -<p>"But you'll let her come over to the laboratory and watch you work, -won't you? After all, you meet her requirements."</p> - -<p>"No! I don't want any walking bean-poles around the laboratory."</p> - -<p>"But maybe she wouldn't appear just that."</p> - -<p>"She's underweight."</p> - -<p>"According to your requirements—only. Thousands of men think she is -perfect. And she's going to be mighty disappointed if her dream man—"</p> - -<p>"Her what?"</p> - -<p>"Sorry. I forgot you're not the poetic type. She doesn't think of you -as her dream man, but she does think of you as being everything she -wants in a man. You'll let her come to the laboratory, won't you?"</p> - -<p>"No."</p> - -<p>"But she does at least want to see you. Do you know you are the only -man out of thousands who exactly meets her requirements? Even to those -crinkles in your forehead when you frown. And even to being stubborn -about things."</p> - -<p>"I've got to get back and check those ray-collectors—"</p> - -<p>"And you'll let her go along with you?"</p> - -<p>"No."</p> - -<p>"But she's waiting in the next office, and your requirements call for a -woman who has a mind of her own. I think she's—"</p> - -<p>"Not a mind of her own that makes her determined to have her own way in -everything."</p> - -<p>"Of course not. But I think she's—"</p> - -<p>"I specified a woman who would not try to wear the pants."</p> - -<p>"She won't. That is, not yours, anyway. Though you're too big for them. -But I think she's going with you to the laboratory."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"That's what you think," Cornith said with finality and stood up. -"No long, lean, gawky drink-of-water is going to tag along after Herb -Cornith. Especially a female bag of bones. Uh! Excuse me. Who is the -lady who just entered without knocking?"</p> - -<p>"Oh! Just a second. Miss Hollowell, Mr. Cornith was just getting ready -to come by for you. Miss Hollowell, Mr. Cornith."</p> - -<p>Cornith drew a deep breath and ran a finger beneath his collar. He -stared, drinking in the beauty of the symmetrical figure beneath -the rose-colored dress, the radiance of the smooth features. He had -seen her before, but only in a vague dream in which she was far more -lovely than the telecast views of Miss Venus, but in the dream she -had not done to him what she was doing now. She acted upon him much -as a single-pole magnet does to a magnet of opposite polarity. More, -she seemed stunned herself. Her lips parted slightly, revealing white -teeth, and her deep azure eyes seemed to be saying things that only -eyes can say.</p> - -<p>"A pleasure," Cornith said, enclosing her small warm hand in his. "I -was just telling Miss—" He gestured toward the girl behind the desk. -"I was just telling her that I—er, I, uh."</p> - -<p>"You're going to the laboratory," Lucy Hollowell said, more as a direct -reading of his thoughts than as a question.</p> - -<p>Cornith smiled, nodded. "Care to come along?"</p> - -<p>Lucy Hollowell withdrew her hand and a deck of cards materialized from -nowhere and spread out fanwise between her small thumb and forefinger. -Cornith gaped. In the next instant his attention was attracted to her -ears which peeked from beneath silken platinum hair. The ears were -wiggling enchantingly.</p> - -<p>Flushed and hot, Cornith reached to his breast pocket for a -handkerchief. He was astonished to find a large Spanish rose protruding -from the pocket. He held it in his hand and stared at it in stunned -silence. Lucy Hollowell extended a small white hand and took the rose -from him. She held it against her cheek until he saw that her lips and -the rose were the same color. Then she fastened it in her platinum hair -where its warm red petals contrasted brilliantly.</p> - -<p>"Er, uh. I was saying—" Cornith began lamely.</p> - -<p>"That she's a bag of bones," a voice behind him finished.</p> - -<p>Cornith whirled, and the same voice in a distant part of the room said, -"Over here!" Cornith jumped. He puzzled for a moment and then it dawned -over him that those small voices had the same deep huskiness that Lucy -Hollowell's voice had. He turned back to her and smiled weakly.</p> - -<p>"You were inviting me to go to the laboratory with you?" Lucy said.</p> - -<p>Cornith nodded. "Thought it might interest—" He broke off abruptly, -his mouth hanging open. He could not believe his ears. He was hearing -his own voice, or a fair imitation of it, repeating his earlier words, -"Gawky ... beanpole ... tagging...."</p> - -<p>"Stop that!" he said abruptly.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Silence reigned and Lucy Hollowell remained in rigid immobility. And -while Cornith stared, her peachblown cheeks became pink, then red. The -veins in her lovely neck swelled and throbbed. She turned slowly on -tottering legs and gently collapsed into Cornith's arms.</p> - -<p>"What th—?" He twisted his neck and looked at the blonde in frantic -appeal. "What's the matter with her? Can't you do something?"</p> - -<p>"Your requirements demand," the blonde replied unemotionally, "a woman -who is very obedient. When you told her to 'stop that!' she stopped -everything, including breathing."</p> - -<p>"Oh!" Cornith sighed in relief. "So that's it!"</p> - -<p>"Better tell her to begin breathing again," the blonde said casually.</p> - -<p>"But the requirements shouldn't be taken that literally," Cornith -argued.</p> - -<p>"She won't take everything literally. An understanding between you -will straighten that out. But meanwhile, you'd better tell her to -breathe again."</p> - -<p>Cornith looked down at the lovely face which had now regained its -normal peachblown color. He was astonished to see a tiny bit of deep -azure beneath an eyelid that wasn't quite closed. Instantly the lid -closed tightly, quivered a trifle and remained shut. Cornith's mind -worked swiftly, reconstructing events from the beginning, and he -recalled the swelling veins, the careful turning to fall into his arms, -the flushed cheeks which were not the color that normally precedes -fainting. He noticed now the shallow, controlled breathing, and he felt -a slight tremor in the soft warm body he held in his arms.</p> - -<p>Drawing her close, Cornith said, "This ought to make her snap out of -it," and pressed his lips firmly against hers.</p> - -<p>"No, no, Mr. Cornith!" the blonde exclaimed. "The requirements say that -she is supposed to swoon when you do that."</p> - -<p>It was true. Lucy Hollowell seemed to revive and then swoon in ecstasy. -She slumped limply in Cornith's arms while a faint tremor ran through -her warm body. To make certain the results were mathematically precise, -Cornith tried again, kissing her a little more firmly this time. The -response was the same. In the interest of science, he tested the matter -a third time, and then turned raptly to the blonde.</p> - -<p>"Look! She swoons everytime I kiss her."</p> - -<p>"Naturally, Mr. Cornith," the blonde commented a trifle bitterly. "Your -requirements demand that, even though it is thought by some members -of the Foundation that you were in a facetious mood when you took the -Levet examination. They suspect that you implanted a large number of -suggestions prior to the event, to bias your responses in a manner not -in keeping with the seriousness of the occasion. That is not a problem -for this department. We have provided you with a woman who fulfills -every requirement stated—"</p> - -<p>"She's underweight," Cornith insisted.</p> - -<p>"Does she look too thin?"</p> - -<p>"No! She's perfect. But she lacks an ounce—"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Smack! A small white hand struck Cornith's cheek resoundingly and -brought the blood stinging to the surface. He almost dropped the girl. -She got her long, slender legs under her and supported her own weight. -Smack! Another small hand caught Cornith stingingly on the other cheek. -He drew a deep breath, felt his muscles contracting.</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith!" the blonde warned. "The specifications demand -that your wife shall have plenty of fire."</p> - -<p>"That doesn't give her a right to knock my head off," Cornith -blustered. "Besides, she's not my wife!"</p> - -<p>"Are you hurt, darling?" Lucy Hollowell said sympathetically. "I'm -sorry! Here! Let me kiss your cheeks and make them well."</p> - -<p>"What th—?"</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! She's supposed to be sympathetic and -understanding and very tender when you need her."</p> - -<p>"I don't need that sort of sympathy and understanding."</p> - -<p>"Look!" Lucy Hollowell cupped his chin in one soft hand and forced him -to look at her. "My ears!" They were wiggling again in rhythm with the -soft strains of a waltz coming from some hidden source.</p> - -<p>"Stop that! No, no, no! Don't stop breathing. Just stop wiggling your -ears. Don't faint. Stand still. And stop plucking coins out of the air. -And if that's you making that music, stop that, too."</p> - -<p>Silence reigned. Lucy Hollowell remained perfectly still. The -expression on her lovely features was one of interest and concern. Her -ripe lips quivered slightly. "You don't like me?" she said.</p> - -<p>"I do, too."</p> - -<p>Instantly the girl was all over Cornith, hugging him and kissing him at -the same time and murmuring endearments.</p> - -<p>"Hey!"</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith. She's supposed to be very responsive to words -of love."</p> - -<p>"I didn't say anything about love."</p> - -<p>"You said you liked her."</p> - -<p>"I merely said, 'I do, too'."</p> - -<p>"But she's supposed to understand even when you don't put everything in -words."</p> - -<p>"When is she supposed to stop this—this necking?"</p> - -<p>"She will let you alone when you want to be let alone."</p> - -<p>Lucy Hollowell stepped back, patted her platinum hair and glanced at -her image in a small mirror. Then she smiled sweetly at Cornith and -returned to his side. "Shall we go?" she said.</p> - -<p>This sudden change in mood and recovery of self-possession, after her -demonstration of a moment before, was more than Cornith could readily -grasp. The blonde supplied the answer.</p> - -<p>"Her moods change with the situation and needs of the moment."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Cornith scratched his dark head. "I don't know," he commented -reflectively. "I didn't think any woman in the world would fit the -requirements I put in. At eighteen I thought the whole idea was stupid. -I didn't want to get married."</p> - -<p>"Of course," Lucy said understandingly. "You still think those -examinations and tests and specifications are stupid. I understand. -And you put in a lot of things you didn't want. But I had to meet the -requirements, and my reactions and responses had to be some actual part -of me, not ad lib. I can change them in time."</p> - -<p>"She's very understanding, Mr. Cornith, and eager to please."</p> - -<p>"But it's all nonsense," Cornith insisted.</p> - -<p>"Of course it is," Lucy said sympathetically. "It isn't right for you -to have to marry a girl who meets all of the requirements you didn't -want. I know just how you feel, and after we're married we'll work -together to amend the Foundation regulations."</p> - -<p>"I didn't say I'd marry you."</p> - -<p>"Of course you didn't. And it isn't fair for you to have to do it. I -know just how you feel. And I'll comfort you all I can. Here you have -a woman on your hands whose reactions are everything you thought was -silly. Because you're a scientist and don't like nonsense. At least, -not too much of it. And you put all those things in, thinking that -everybody would see how silly they were. You didn't think anybody would -be stupid enough actually to be like that. I feel so sorry for you, -having to marry a woman with all those silly things ingrained in her -reactions."</p> - -<p>"We're not married yet."</p> - -<p>"That's the worst part. It's that anxiety before an event of doubtful -outcome. I'm so sorry, darling! Put your head here on my breast and -let me comfort you."</p> - -<p>"Dash it!"</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith. The specifications ... a woman of deep -feeling ... ready to comfort."</p> - -<p>"Dash it! Dash it! Dash it!"</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! If you give way to your feelings, no telling -what might happen. That's one of the things you didn't anticipate. -There's nothing in the specifications—"</p> - -<p>"Here!" Lucy opened her handbag and drew out a flask. "You need a -drink. Brace up. There are worse things than being married."</p> - -<p>"I don't drink." Cornith seized the flask and tossed off a swallow. -"Ah! Martian Vinth! Never touch the stuff." He took another swallow. -"Now I don't have to marry you. I deliberately specified that my wife -should not be a Vinth sot."</p> - -<p>"Herb darling, you're so clever! I detest the stuff. But I happened to -know that scientists drink it to strengthen their minds and to keep -their health up. I brought it along to prove how thoughtful I am. I -also have in my handbag a length of chewing rope."</p> - -<p>Cornith shook his head. "I don't chew, but you go right ahead."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Lucy shook her head. "Too bad. I chew, drink, smoke, brawl, swear, lie, -steal, eat with my knife, and throw things. All in the specifications. -I do everything except drink Vinth. Too bad you don't. We could have -so much fun together, chewing and drinking and lying and stealing and -fighting and throwing things."</p> - -<p>"But I didn't mean all those things."</p> - -<p>"Of course you didn't, darling! And I'm so sorry you put them in. But -what's done is done, and there's no use worrying about it. Take another -drink and brace up."</p> - -<p>Cornith took another drink and returned the flask. He felt better now. -The Martian Vinth had both a soothing and exhilarating effect. The -things that had seemed so stupid a moment before now seemed reasonable.</p> - -<p>"All right," he said. "If you do all of those things, you qualify. -Let's have a specimen lie to see how good you are."</p> - -<p>"I hate you!"</p> - -<p>"Now wait! Don't fly off the handle."</p> - -<p>"But darling! I was merely giving you a sample lie."</p> - -<p>"You mean, you love me?"</p> - -<p>"No."</p> - -<p>"Then why do you want to marry me?"</p> - -<p>"I don't."</p> - -<p>"Oh! I see. You're lying."</p> - -<p>"Of course."</p> - -<p>"Tell the truth. Do you love me?"</p> - -<p>"Now, now, Mr. Cornith! There's nothing in the specifications about -telling the truth about anything at any time whatever."</p> - -<p>"Oh, my Gawd!" The full realization of the awful truth shook Cornith, -froze the mellow glow the Martian Vinth had instilled. "I didn't -include any good qualities at all in the specifications!"</p> - -<p>"And I'm so sorry," Lucy said tenderly. "Because I could very easily -have trained myself to be good, to be all of the things you wanted. -But I had to follow the specifications. It was the only way I could -qualify. Maybe I can change—in five or ten years."</p> - -<p>Cornith shook his head sadly. "In five or ten years it won't matter one -way or another."</p> - -<p>"Then you're going to marry me and get used to me?"</p> - -<p>"No."</p> - -<p>"But Herb, darling! I've worked so hard making myself all of the silly -things your specifications demanded. Nobody else will want a woman like -that. Besides, I've been in love with you ever since you worked out the -formula for canning cosmic rays."</p> - -<p>"You remember that?"</p> - -<p>"Of course. Saw you for the first time then, in teleview. You reminded -me of something I'd been dreaming."</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"Tell you after we're married."</p> - -<p>"I'm not going to marry you."</p> - -<p>"You'll have to. I can pass all the requirements. Here's your wallet I -stole out of your pocket ten minutes ago. And the law says—"</p> - -<p>"But you're an ounce underweight."</p> - -<p>"Are you going to let a little thing like that—?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Lucy halted abruptly and Cornith smiled serenely. "Sure," he said. "The -specifications require the female to weigh a hundred and twenty-three -pounds, dripping wet, and she may not change her weight consciously by -eating or drinking. Now, I'll give you a sporting chance. You weigh a -hundred and twenty-two pounds and fifteen ounces, or maybe a little -less. You can weigh yourself and see. If you gain an ounce, or enough -to make you weigh one twenty-three, within an hour, and without eating -or drinking, or thinking about your body, I'll marry you and not even -ask your name."</p> - -<p>"There are certain absorptions—"</p> - -<p>"Nope. That's out. You'd have to think about your body."</p> - -<p>Lucy's smooth brow puckered. She stepped quickly to the desk and spun -the globe resting there.</p> - -<p>"Nope. No luck there. We're almost at sea level. You can't get any -lower than that. And if you went to higher altitude you'd weigh less."</p> - -<p>Suddenly Lucy smiled, snatched up a pencil and began figuring on a pad, -and Cornith mused reflectively: "She's a good sport. And a beauty. -By George! I hope she figures it out." Then he frowned. "But it's -impossible."</p> - -<p>Lucy dropped the pencil and clapped her hands. "I have it," she -exclaimed. "Time me now."</p> - -<p>"I'll have to weigh you first," Cornith said. "Dripping wet."</p> - -<p>Lucy's cheeks became a shade pinker. "Won't you take my word for it?"</p> - -<p>Cornith shook his head. "You're an accomplished liar."</p> - -<p>"I'll weigh her," the blonde offered.</p> - -<p>Cornith shrugged. "It's okay with me. But when you claim you weigh a -hundred and twenty-three pounds, with no ounces lacking, I'm going to -do the weighing."</p> - -<p>Lucy's cheeks took on a rosy shade. Apparently preoccupied with her -own thoughts, she made no reply. She followed the blonde girl out of -the room and Cornith sat on the edge of the desk to wait. He wished -now that he had not posed the problem. He could think of a thousand -reasons why it would be interesting to be married to such an intensely -alive creature. And he wasn't deceived about what were termed her bad -qualities. They were the result of a training pattern. They were not -her basic personality and they were not deeply ingrained. In fact, she -could be, and was, everything he wanted in a woman. He had made up his -mind to ask her to marry him even if she failed to solve the problem, -when she and the blonde returned.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There were faint beads of moisture on the lobes of Lucy's ears, and the -rose-colored dress hung awry. "Didn't have time to dry thoroughly, and -had to jump into my clothes. Hurry! We're going to be married. Right -now!"</p> - -<p>"How much do you weigh?"</p> - -<p>"One twenty-two, fourteen and three-quarter ounces. But I'll weigh one -twenty-three within twenty minutes."</p> - -<p>Cornith shook his head. "Stubborn," he told himself. "Bluffing. Lying. -I ought to teach her a lesson."</p> - -<p>"I'm going to put a clause in the ceremony," he said aloud, "that if -you don't weigh exactly a hundred and twenty-three pounds, we're not -legally married."</p> - -<p>"You're so clever," she smiled. "I was going to do that myself."</p> - -<p>"Game, anyway," Cornith mused, as he followed her hurriedly out to the -chute and up to the roof.</p> - -<p>"We'll get married and then you can weigh me," she said. "And if I -don't weigh one twenty-three—" Her brow puckered. "Gee! I hope I've -got it figured right."</p> - -<p>"If you don't weigh a hundred and twenty-three, it won't be legal," -Cornith insisted. "I'm going to put in that clause."</p> - -<p>A look of pain showed in her features for an instant, then it was gone -and she led the way to a sky-taxi.</p> - -<p>"There's a hurry-up marrying place ten minutes away," she said. "Same -altitude. Near sea level. We can get married in a hurry there."</p> - -<p>Cornith shrugged. "Tell the driver."</p> - -<p>Thirty minutes later they were married, with the cancelling clause -included. Cornith thought now that he had carried the joke too far. -Lucy seemed on the verge of tears. Besides, they would not be legally -and finally married until after he had weighed her. And he knew now -that she meant to abide strictly by the words of the ceremony, that if -the scales showed less than a hundred and twenty-three pounds she would -not consider herself married. He thought of finagling the scales. But -she went along with him to buy them, and insisted that they be checked -and sealed to the hundredth of an ounce. Cornith knew now that she was -not only a liar, but the most sincere and conscientious person he had -ever known.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He felt cheap and mean and low as he accompanied her into the bridal -suite he had engaged via pocket-communicator. He placed the scales on -the floor and felt as though he had deliberately cheated and tricked -an innocent child. He could see that Lucy was uncertain of herself. -He could feel the tremors of fear that shook her, the doubts, the -questions of right and wrong, the wondering what all this was going -to do to her happiness. He would have traded his hunting lodge on Mars -just for the privilege of going back and changing it all and telling -her that she was perfect at a hundred and twenty-two pounds, fifteen -ounces, and need never change an iota to please him.</p> - -<p>She turned slowly to face him, and two crystal tears formed in the -corners of her azure eyes. "Just one kiss," she begged. "Because I -might fail, and that means the end."</p> - -<p>Cornith held her close. He wished there was something he could do to -comfort her, to change it all, but he knew the depth of her sincerity, -and he knew that she would offer no excuse, would accept no failure -even from herself. Indeed, her whole happiness, it seemed, depended -upon her promise that she would fill the specifications even to that -final ounce.</p> - -<p>She pushed him away and smiled through her tears. "I'm losing weight by -crying," she said. "Gee, golly! I hope I've figured it right."</p> - -<p>"Dripping wet," he said. "Leave the suds on if you wish."</p> - -<p>She shook her head. "That wouldn't be honest." She broke away, ran -to the bathroom. She stepped inside the bathroom and drew the door -shut. Cornith stood there alone, and suddenly he felt as though his -own weight had increased. Something was gone, locked away from him, -something that had been vitally alive and warm and colorful. He walked -over to the window and stood looking down at the street below. It was -filled with life, but its life seemed alien, remote. His ears picked -up the faint sound of the shower, and he knew that his thoughts would -always hereafter be filled with the memory of how close he had come to -happiness.</p> - -<p>He heard the bathroom door open softly, but he didn't dare look. His -heart was too heavy. Then he heard the soft, tremulous voice. "I've -got soap in my eyes. Come look at the scales. Don't look at me. I'm -dripping wet."</p> - -<p>Cornith turned slowly, caught his breath. The vision that met his eyes -was a loveliness transcending his wildest dreams. The coruscating beads -of water were like flashing jewels adorning a soft pink and white body, -vitally alive and yet trembling in fear. He stepped quickly to the -scales and looked.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A warm glow started at his feet and rushed upward, making him giddy -as it swept over his neck and face and on into his brain. The scales -showed a hundred and twenty-three pounds and four one-hundredths of an -ounce. He glanced up. She had wiped the soap out of her eyes and those -azure orbs were flashing a surge of joy unparalleled.</p> - -<p>Cornith sprang to take her in his arms, but she leaped away, raced to -the bathroom, slammed the door and locked it.</p> - -<p>"Come on out," he said. "You saw the scales."</p> - -<p>"I'm not coming out," she called back, "until you figure out how I did -it."</p> - -<p>"Don't be silly."</p> - -<p>"I'm a determined woman, Herb darling!"</p> - -<p>And Cornith knew that it was true. There was nothing left but to get -to work and figure out how she had accomplished the seeming miracle. -He drew out a chair at the writing desk, found paper and felt for his -pen. He stated the problem, cancelling out eating and drinking, for he -had been with her all of the time and she had not taken anything. He -thought that perhaps she and the blonde had lied about her original -weight. But that didn't fit. She had been sincerely worried about -whether she would succeed. Ah! There it was.</p> - -<p>He went to work and in three minutes he had two pages filled with -figures, ciphers and symbols. He smiled grimly to himself and worked -on. Ten minutes passed. He heard her call from the bathroom, but did -not answer. He was engrossed with the problem. He worked on and on, -eliminating variables, restating the problem, beginning anew with a -different theory, working on and on. An hour passed.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> - <div class="caption"> - <p>As the equations sped through his mind her image was always among them.</p> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>With the desk and floor littered, Cornith paused reflectively. He -heard a soft movement behind him, then Lucy's voice said, "I couldn't -wait any longer. I've come to help you."</p> - -<p>"Don't bother me now," Cornith said. He jotted down another row of -numerals, then leaned back and sighed.</p> - -<p>Two warm arms went around his neck. "Was it so difficult?" she asked. -"I figured it out in no time. It's just that gravity differs at the -poles and the equator. It is slightly more at the poles. About one -in fifty, I think. I didn't know for certain. But on that basis I -figured there would be a change in specific gravity of about an ounce -every hundred miles or so. I had to guess at it. That's why I was -so frightened. Anyway, we flew over two hundred miles north to this -hurry-up place. Do you understand it, darling?"</p> - -<p>"You mean, about your weight and the difference in gravity between the -equator and the poles?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, darling."</p> - -<p>"I figured that out in the first three seconds after I sat down. I've -been computing your basic personality, trying to figure out how long -you would remain in the bathroom before coming out to help me. I missed -it somewhere. I figured you'd be in there another two hours. I'll have -to check my figures. Go away."</p> - -<p>"Oh, no, you won't recheck them." She placed a hand over the paper. "On -this one I'm going to help. The error is right there. You didn't allow -enough for the volume and strength of my love to cancel out the volume -and strength of my determination and resistance. Square resistance and -raise love to the power of ten. And now if you don't give me a big -kiss, I'll revert to the specifications and steal one."</p> - -<p>In the next instant she was crushed in his strong arms. And her ears -were wiggling ecstatically.</p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAID--TO ORDER ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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