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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Musical Travels Through England, by Joel
-Collier
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Musical Travels Through England
-
-Author: Joel Collier
-
-Release Date: March 21, 2021 [eBook #64895]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-Produced by: deaurider, Les Galloway and the Online Distributed
-             Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-             produced from images generously made available by The Internet
-             Archive)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MUSICAL TRAVELS THROUGH
-ENGLAND ***
-
-                          Transcriber’s Notes
-
-Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected, but period
-spelling remains unchanged. Quotation marks around dialogue was absent
-in some paragraphs and has been corrected.
-
-Italics are represented thus _italic_ and underline
-thus +underline+.
-
-
-
-
-                            MUSICAL TRAVELS
-
-                                THROUGH
-
-                               ENGLAND.
-
-                                  BY
-
-                        JOEL COLLIER, ORGANIST.
-
-
-          Nam, adhuc per domum, aut hortos cecinerat; quos ut
-          parùm celebres, et tantæ voci angustos, spernebat.
-          Non tamen ROMÆ incipere ausus.
-                                                                 T A C.
-
-
-                                LONDON:
-
-              Printed for G. +KEARSLY+, in Fleet-street.
-                            M. DCC. LXXIV.
-
-                         (Price One Shilling.)
-
-
-
-
-                                TO THE
-
- GOVERNORS of the HOSPITAL for the Maintenance and Education of exposed
- and deserted young Children.
-
-
-  GENTLEMEN,
-
-_While I was extracting the following sheets from my voluminous
-Journal, and connecting them together as accurately as I was able,
-in order to present the Public with a Specimen of my laborious
-investigation of the present state of_ MUSIC _in this my native
-country, I was somewhat at a loss to whom I could with most propriety
-inscribe my work. Whether to_ DOCTOR BURNEY_, as the original inventor
-of this species of composition, and the first musical traveller of our
-nation, to whom I stand so much indebted for the plan, and conduct
-of my book, and of whom I might truly say in his own words, “that
-he has long been my_ magnus Apollo_:”—or whether I was in duty bound
-to pay homage to the King of_ Prussia_, as the greatest_ Dilettante
-_performer of the age; who, I suppose, at this present writing, like
-another_ Nero_, is playing his new_ Solfeggi _to the dying groans of
-the obstinate_ Dantziggers_;—or whether I ought not to call forth
-from his obscurity that venerable Judge, who contented with less
-ambitious pleasures, cultivates the fine arts by humbler and modester,
-but not less curious experiments, and amuses the leisure hours of
-a long vacation in_ caponizing blackbirds[1]_; or whether I should
-not do well to express my gratitude, and that of the nation, to the
-honourable Directors of our Opera, for having at last condescended to
-permit an_ Englishwoman _to be called_ Signora_, and by virtue of that
-title to share some of the princely incomes which have been hitherto
-lavished on_ Italians_, and which, I dare say, those worthy Noblemen
-and Gentlemen would as readily bestow upon_ EnglishMEN_, if they
-would but consent to be properly_ qualified. _This dilemma, however,
-was at an end, as soon as I learnt, that Dr._ Burney_, and Signor_
-Giardini_, had, under your authority, just founded a school for music
-(in imitation, I suppose, of the Italian_ Conservatorios_) in the_
-FOUNDLING HOSPITAL_, where about an hundred of such poor children, as
-have hitherto been placed out to trades and services, in which they
-had no opportunity of making_ a noise _in the world, are, in future,
-to be trained to harmony from their infancy, and constantly employed
-in the study of music; ’till in process of time they take their
-regular degrees as_ Doctors_, and_ Doctoresses _of music, and come
-forth, sufficiently accomplished (as they must be under such masters,)
-to form the national taste, by the true_ Italian _standard. When I
-was informed of this event, I hailed the happy omen, the dawn of an_
-Augustan æra_; and resolved to offer my tribute of congratulation and
-applause, and to dedicate this work to a set of gentlemen, who have so
-distinguished their zeal for the interest and advancement of music.
-Perhaps it will at first appear a bold undertaking in the guardians of
-deserted orphans, chiefly supported by parliamentary grants of public
-money, to declare, that they cannot be maintained by the public for a
-more useful purpose, than to be taught to sing and play_ Italian _airs.
-For men of narrow and contrasted minds, who have neither_ ear_, nor_
-voice_, nor_ hand_, will still imagine, that it might prove of more
-national utility, to breed these adopted children of the public, to
-Husbandry, Navigation, &c. the objects of their original destination;
-than to convert one of the noblest of our public charities into a
-nursery for the supply of musical performers at our Theatres, gardens,
-and hops.—But this is a vulgar prejudice. The improvement of the fine
-arts ought to be the first object of public attention in an age of
-luxury,_ PEACE_, and plenty, like the present; when we have rivalled
-the_ Italians _in music, it will be time enough to think of our navy,
-and our agriculture. We have already (to our shame be it spoken,)
-better sailors than fiddlers, and more farmers than_ contrapuntists_.
-But as I take this circumstance to arise entirely from the different
-degree of encouragement those occupations have hitherto received;
-I do not despair of seeing the reverse take place, when gentlemen
-of your rank deign to stand forward, and correct the errors of the
-public, by the influence and sanction of your example. Should any
-obstacles arise to impede the immediate execution of your plan, from
-some obsolete but unrepealed parliamentary restrictions, doubtless
-the same legislators who so readily expended the public money in the
-purchase of Sir_ William Hamilton_’s_ collection _of antique vases,
-and_ Etruscan _rarities, will not only repeal any former act which may
-stand in your way; but rejoice in a fresh opportunity of displaying
-their fine taste and love of the arts, by laying an additional tax
-upon such of the necessaries of life as are not already overloaded, in
-order to raise a competent sum for the purchase of the best_ Cremonas_,
-and other instruments which can be procured on the continent, for the
-service of your_ Academia_. I have only to add, gentlemen, that if upon
-a perusal of the following sheets you shall find, as I am persuaded
-you will, that my travels are also[2] in some measure, a matter of
-national concern; I hope you will be kind enough to second my intended
-application to parliament, that the charges of my future expeditions
-may be defrayed at the public expence. This, gentlemen, may be done by
-a very short clause; and as it will enable me to pursue my enquiries
-with spirit, credit, and success, will lay a lasting obligation upon,_
-
-                             _Gentlemen,_
-
-                         _Your very obedient,_
-
-                     _and devoted humble Servant,_
-
-                             JOEL COLLIER.
-
-[1] Vide the last Vol. of the _Philosophical Transactions_.
-
-[2]—“He was the first who seemed to think my journey was, in some
-measure, a matter of national concern.”
-                                                   TOUR TO GERMANY, &c.
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration: A collection of Instruments]
-
-
-                        MUSICAL TRAVELS, _&c._
-
-
-I was born in the Parish of _Gotham_, in the county of _Nottingham_:
-my father was a sawyer, and my mother had, for many years before
-her marriage, cried oysters and Newcastle-salmon about the streets
-of London. Neither of them are said to have been remarkable for
-their vocal or instrumental talents. My mother’s voice was, indeed,
-exceedingly shrill and dissonant, as I have been credibly informed by
-the neighbours; however, I was no sooner born than I gave proofs of
-uncommon musical propensities. I entered the world, singing, instead of
-crying; at least, my squall was truly melodious, and ravished the ears
-of the midwife; tho’, I must confess, the envious old hag of a nurse
-did pretend that my mother and Mrs. _Midnight_ mistook the origin of
-the wild notes I uttered as soon as I saw the light; and, insisting
-that they only denoted the wind-cholic, immediately drenched me with a
-large dose of rhubarb: however, she has candidly confessed, that she
-easily sang me to sleep whenever I was peevish, and that even by means
-of such simple melody as _Jack Sprat_, or _hey diddle diddle, the cat
-and the fiddle_. A harsh and menacing recitative would as effectually
-deter me from a naughty trick, as a good whipping. The sound of a
-drum, or any other martial music, had such an immediate effect upon my
-nerves, that I was always obliged to be turned dry before the piece was
-half over. The famous _March in Saul_ is too powerful for me even at
-this day, tho’ I can stand any other, without being offensive. Indeed,
-I am so well convinced of the connection between the sound and the
-sense in all good music, that I will venture to prescribe _Handel’s
-water-piece_, and _water parted from the sea_, as specifics for a
-strangury. I know that there is great truth in what _Shakespear_ says
-of the bag-pipe; and I have observed that a jockey always whistles to
-his horse upon these occasions, which never fails to produce great
-effects, tho’ the performer want brilliancy of execution ever so much.
-
-One of the first circumstances I myself can recollect in my early
-years, was the great pleasure I took in hearing a blind boy play tunes
-on a bladder of air press’d between a bow-stick and its string. The
-Jew’s-harp next engaged my attention; and afterwards the bag-pipe and
-bassoon. Indeed I do remember having been told by my Grandmother, that
-whilst I was yet in coats, I took vast delight in pinching the tails
-of the Parson’s litter of pigs, and would listen to their various
-notes and tones from the _f_ sharp of the whine of the least of the
-family, quite down to the _b_ flat of the boar himself. This, with my
-attention to my coral and bells, and rattle, singing thro’ a comb and
-brown paper, together with the great expertness I afterwards shew’d in
-making whistles of reeds, and the recent bark of sycamore twigs, made
-the oldest people of the parish foretel, that I should one day or other
-become a great and celebrated Musician.
-
-My taste for the sister art of music, Poetry, was likewise, as I am
-inform’d, observed very early in my childhood; as I always held my
-mouth wide open, when the Psalm was sang at our Parish-Church; and
-soon was able to repeat without book a great part of _Sternhold_ and
-_Hopkins_’s excellent version of that great Dilettanti performer on the
-harp, King _David_’s pieces.
-
-Having been well inform’d that the infancy, and indeed the riper
-years of the great Mus. D. or musical Doctor (whom I call, _par
-excellence_, DR. MUS) passed in much the same manner, and with similar
-expectations from all the old ladies of his acquaintance; and having
-observed with what _eclat_, and indeed universal approbation of all
-people of taste, his ingenious account of his ingenious travels has
-been received, I conceived a design of following so illustrious an
-example, and travelling through the dominions of _England_, _Scotland_
-and _Ireland_, with the town of _Berwick_ upon _Tweed_, to give a true
-state of the musical improvement and progression in these kingdoms;
-and hope I may flatter myself, that the Dr. himself will applaud my
-undertaking, and consider it as a proper supplement to his elaborate
-work.
-
-Before I set forwards on my travels, I chose to change my name from
-_Collier_ to _Coglioni_ or _Collioni_, as more euphonious; and on the
-first of April, having torn myself from the arms of my weeping wife,
-and four small children, I put my bassoon into a green-bag, and slung
-it across my shoulders; my large violoncello was laid on my knee as I
-sat in the waggon, and my clothes, with a bottle of brandy and some
-biscuits, were pack’d up in the viol-case. As I was neither patronized,
-nor franked on my tour by any Dilettanti Lord, I must confess the low
-state of my circumstances, and the poverty in which I had left my
-family, cast a damp on my spirits; but this was always soon dissipated
-by an air on the violoncello, and by recollecting the great advantages
-my travels, to enquire into the state of music in this island, would be
-to my dear native country, and the fame and glory I should acquire by
-the publication of my work, perhaps only inferior to that of the great
-Dr. _Mus_ himself.
-
-    Inspir’d by taste, o’er lands and seas HE flew,
-    Europe he saw, and Europe saw him too.
-    Thro’ lands of singing, or of dancing slaves,
-    Love-echoing woods, and lute-resounding waves.
-    O while along the stream of time, that name
-    Expanded flies, and gathers all its fame;
-    Say, shall my little bark attendant sail,
-    Pursue the triumph and partake the gale?—
-
-
-
-
-                               LINCOLN.
-
-
-Thus occasionally consoling myself, the waggon arrived at the famous
-and ancient city of _Lincoln_. My first visit was to a young lady of
-high musical acquirements. She received me with a most bewitching
-air, which she sang to her guittar, for she had heard of my fame at
-_Gotham_, and was not unapprized of my ambulatory design: her name was
-originally _Fernihough_, but she had long dropped the _hough_ at the
-end of it, as gothic and inharmonious. Thus she saluted me:
-
-“Dear Collioni, Collioni, Collioni; Dear, dear, dear, Collioni; Happy,
-happy, Gotham, Gotham; Gotham, Gotham, happy Gotham.”
-
-I could only bow and smile in answer to this compliment, (which indeed,
-tho’ very elegant, I did not conceive was above my merits,) as I had
-not an extempore sonnet ready made to answer it.
-
-Then taking my hand with a delightful air, she introduced me to Dr.
-_Dilettanti_, a most illustrious timeist; he sat musing and beating
-with his foot, and took hold of, and quitted my hand in the same
-portion of time, which he measured by the pulsations of his foot.
-
-“Excuse,” said he, “illustrious _Collioni_, the measured mode of my
-gestures in saluting you; but I have long accustomed myself to measure
-out the parts of time on a variety of sounding instruments, and have
-at length introduced it into all the motions of my body. At my house,
-sir, you will learn to cut your meat, and move your jaws at dinner in
-common or triple time, according to the instruments that accompany our
-meals.——By dealing the cards at quadrille, how easy it is to judge if
-the party has an ear!——yonder gentleman who comes towards our window,
-see how he swings his arms in exact time, true as the pendulum of a
-clock. I can assure you, sir, he is great on the violoncello. My dear
-wife says, the conjugal endearments are doubly improved, if a husband
-is a good timeist. She approves of triple time; and on this account I
-formerly had a servant who play’d in our bed-room every Sunday night,
-’till we slept. And since I became one of the _castrati_, I have
-acquired the habit of making water at intervals in the truest time like
-a pig; and may say, that I believe for exactness of ear, that I am not
-exceeded by any modern musician.”
-
-On this, this great man took up a Jew’s harp that lay by him, and with
-a twing, twang, twong, moving his finger across his lips, and making
-faces in the most exact time, he fetched out such prurient harmony,
-as ravished my very soul, and threw sweet Miss _Ferni_ into the most
-agreeable convulsions.
-
-During our dinner, two of the Doctor’s servants entertained us with
-many excellent and solemn pieces of music. Indeed, I was so solicitous
-to cut and eat my meat in true time, as I thought my character depended
-on this circumstance, that I unfortunately cut my lips, so that the
-blood much terrified me; and sweet Miss _Ferni_ was so earnestly
-attending to the fiddlers, that on their suddenly changing the time
-from _adagio_ to _sestina_, she swallowed the ivory spoon out of a
-mustard pot; which, as it stuck across her throat, I am sure must have
-given that excellent young lady exquisite pain, yet did she cough, and
-even vomit repeatedly in most accurate time, and screamed from fear
-most harmoniously through the whole gamut, from _a_ to _g_ inclusively,
-long after the spoon was restored to its place.
-
-
-
-
-                              SHEFFIELD.
-
-
-Dr. _Dilettanti_ was so kind as to make me a present of a place in the
-stage coach to _Sheffield_ in my road to _York_, that I might inquire
-into the present state of the music of that city and cathedral. Amongst
-the other passengers, was a gentleman of a grave aspect; who, from
-his not attending to me at the inn, when I play’d a most inchanting
-solo on my hautboy, appear’d at first to have no ears, but on further
-conversation I found him a most agreeable companion. He cry’d up the
-ingenuity of the _Sheffield_ manufacturers, and told me of a new
-musical instrument, more complicate, he thought, and louder than an
-organ. The next day he was so good as to accompany me to hear this new
-organic instrument. The first thing I could observe was a number of
-iron pipes, and a water wheel to work the large bellows, like that
-organ of which there is a print in _Kempleri Musurgia_. When the wheel
-was in motion, I observed many of the notes higher than in any organ
-I had ever heard; and was told, that these ingenious people had found
-the only way to produce these was, by boring gun-barrels: to these a
-symphony was adduced by files which cut the teeth of large saws, and
-the mellow tones of two great hammers, which at intervals struck on
-large pieces of red-hot iron, made a more tremendous and affecting
-concert, than all the mingled whittles of _Cecilia_’s organ.
-
-Having paid a shilling to the performers of this stupendous piece
-of harmony, at which my grave companion seem’d much delighted,
-and listen’d to my remarks upon it with the greatest avidity and
-approbation; “Signior _Collioni_,” says he, “your observations inchant
-me; the most antient music, as you well explain, was made with hammers
-beating upon anvils, as invented by _Tubal Cain_, and practised in
-the shop of his successor, _Vulcan_, tho’ _Saturn_ is thought to have
-been the first of the _castrati_.—But this invention was not compleat,
-Signior _Collioni_, it was not compleat, till this excellent treble
-made by boring guns, and cutting saws was added.—It is now become the
-true antient, celebrated, long-lost, and long-deplored chromatic, which
-that _Heathen_, _Plato_, who had doubtless ass’s ears, expelled from
-his artificial commonwealth.”
-
-“Doubtless you are right in your conjectures,” reply’d I, “Mr.
-_Hummings_, (for that was my kind companion’s name) it was music like
-this, which could disenchant the moon, and make trees and stones dance
-_allemands_. Would you believe it, Mr. _Hummings_, I once cured a girl
-bit with a tarantula myself with this simple bassoon?
-
-“_Trut, turrut, phub, phub, bush!_—This was the air, Mr. _Hummings_,
-you shall hear it——_trut, turrut, phub, phub, bush_:—the girl rising
-from her melancholy attitude, danced till the sweat ran down to the
-hem of her scarlet petticoat; and after I had presented her with a bit
-of money, became so lively as to strip herself like King _David_, and
-danced like a _Heinel_. I can assure you, Mr. _Hummings_, I drove away
-the evil spirit, and cured her of her tarantulism that night.
-
-“Not unlike this, is a fact recorded by the divine _Homer_. _Ulysses_
-had a large rent made in his thigh by a wild boar,—a terrible animal,
-Mr. _Hummings_:—well, and what happen’d?—why, he only sent for the
-town-waits, and after the first bar or two were play’d, the blood
-stopp’d; and as the fiddles proceeded, the wound contracted, and by the
-time they had finished _Alley Croaker_, _Moggy Lauder_, and _A lovely
-Lass to a Fryar came_, (which are all antient _Greek_ tunes, sir,) the
-wound was quite healed, and the cicatrix as smooth as the back of my
-hand.”
-
-During this conversation, an unfortunate accident had happened near us.
-One of the performers on the hammer and iron by a fall had broken his
-leg. A surgeon was sent for with all dispatch, but Mr. _Hummings_ said
-I had as well try the effect of the bassoon upon him; and pointing to
-me, told the people that they need seek no farther, for I was superior
-to any surgeon. Upon this, untying my green bag, the man cry’d out,
-he begg’d no instruments might be used. “No, (says I,) none but a
-musical instrument.” So I began with a gentle blast, and played and
-sung alternately,—“_You’ll ne’er go the sooner to the Stygian Ferry.
-Let not your noble spirits be cast down, but drink, drink, drink, and
-be merry._”—“Give me some ale, (cries the wounded man) I like this,
-Doctor.” Afterward I blew till I nearly had burst my cheeks, and
-then sung, _If ’tis joy to wound a lover_; but the bone would not
-knit:—indeed I could not make it knit at all—and I don’t believe, as
-Mr. _Hummings_ said, that if Dr. _Mus_ himself, and all the musicians
-of Britain, fiddlers, violoncellos, double violoncellos, trumpets, and
-trumpet-marinos, together with every _Maestro di Capella_ in _Italy_
-had been present, they could have made this bone knit—which, I suppose,
-was owing to the scorbutic habit of body of the patient; indeed, Mr.
-_Hummings_ attributed it entirely to this cause; for the blood stopped
-before I had finished the first song.
-
-
-
-
-                                 YORK.
-
-
-Nothing worth remark occur’d in my journey from hence to _York_; but
-at my approach to this celebrated city, my heart leapt for joy as
-soon as I beheld the towers of the cathedral; here, says I, I shall
-be much caressed and followed, I dare believe, as there are so many
-of the _Dilettanti_ who reside within the precincts of this antient
-seat of music and superstition. This letter, says I, is of inestimable
-value, taking it from my pocket, and reading the direction, “For that
-incomparable Musician and Antiquarian, Dr. _Hiccup_;” doubtless he will
-pay great attention to his friends at _Lincoln_, who have honoured me
-with it. The footman shewed me into an elegant parlour, where there was
-a clock with chimes, so contrived that St. _Peter_, St. _Paul_, and
-the _Virgin Mary_ were seen striking alternately on the bells, and
-by a sweet trio announced every hour of the day. Dr. _Hiccup_ was, it
-seems, at his devotions, which he always performed in imitation of that
-great and devout musician, King _David_. He was a tall, boney figure,
-with a swarthy complexion, and blear eyes. As I sat down he took no
-notice of me, but continued dancing with a harp in his hand, without
-his breeches, and with his night-gown and shirt tucked up above his
-waist; and as he turned his brown posteriors this way and that, in the
-gyrations of the dance, all the women and children that were looking in
-through the window of his parlour, giggled, and made faces, and shewed
-variety of indecent gesticulations and noises. None of these, however,
-interrupted the devotions of this great man.
-
-Never were such charming tunes elicited from mortal harp, _Cambrian_ or
-_Eolic!_ the dance was Devotion itself in human form! After a little
-refreshment, this illustrious Musician condescended to entertain me
-with several interesting particulars of the manner of his life, which I
-begg’d leave to copy in my pocket book in his presence.
-
-He rose every morning, when his chime-clock struck eleven, (for, like
-the famous _Chevalier Gluck_, he is too great a genius to rise early)
-and generally gaped all the time his lady was putting on his breeches.
-For breakfast he always eat rolls and butter, whether in summer or
-winter; and after his breakfast paid a visit to _Cloacina_, but assured
-me he never used old music books on this occasion on any account.
-He retired to rest about ten, and seldom fail’d once in a month to
-compliment his lady for undressing him.
-
-He communicated many other particulars to me of less moment, and was so
-obliging at length to beg I would treat him with an air or two on the
-bassoon.
-
-I thought this a good opportunity to give him a specimen of my poetic
-talents, as well as of my musical ones, and performed the following
-song, which I composed at _Gotham_ several years ago.
-
-    “Some came in a waggon, and some in a cart;
-    And many there were that did nothing but f—t:
-    Oh rare _Nottingham_ town, _Nottingham_ town!
-    _Nottingham_ town; Oh rare _Nottingham_ town!”
-
-The sweetness of the notes on my bassoon, an instrument whose tone is
-so like the sound it was to represent, ravished his ears, which he hung
-quite down on each shoulder, during the whole time of my performance.
-
-I slept this night at Dr. _Hiccup_’s house, and borrowed a shirt and
-pair of stockings of him. At breakfast I took an opportunity to tell
-him of the narrowness of my circumstances; but he was suddenly taken
-with a rapturous fit of devotion, and pulling up his night-gown to
-his waist, began to sing, and dance, and caper, and kick, to such a
-degree, that no one in the room was safe: I ran towards the door to
-save my shins, and the Doctor rising with both feet in the air like a
-Harlequin, gave me such a horse-kick on my rump, singing at the same
-time the _March in Saul_, that I descended into the street down five
-steps, head foremost, and cracked my bassoon in twenty places.
-
-Six hours I attended at the door, but was told by a servant out of a
-window, that the Doctor was still performing his dance of devotion; and
-for aught I know, that great man may dance till doom’s-day, as I never
-after could get any other answer at his door.
-
-On more mature reflexion, I thought this kind of treatment very hard
-from a brother musician, and one to whom I was so well recommended; but
-I consoled myself with considering, that though my bassoon was broken
-in sundry places, yet I had retained the Doctor’s shirt and stockings;
-and that it was very likely my great prototype, Dr. Mus himself, had
-frequently met with the same treatment, tho’ his modesty had inclined
-him to conceal it.
-
-
-
-
-                                DURHAM.
-
-
-From this place to _Durham_ I was necessitated to travel on foot; and
-by playing the _Black Joke_, _Murdoch O’Blaney_, and other sentimental
-tunes to the girls of the villages I pass’d through, procured food
-and lodging, which my brother of the String had refused me. At
-_Darlington_, I waited on the _Maestro di Capella_, or clerk of the
-parish, who I may assert had the finest nasality, or nose-intonation,
-that ever was given to _David_’s _psalms_; and the melody of his
-_Amen_, was quite astonishing.
-
-So well was my bassoon received at this church, that the ’Squire’s
-lady invited me to Dinner. “Good Signior _Collioni_,” says she, “you
-have charmed, you have enraptured me; pray, has the wind which escapes
-out at the end of your instrument any smell?”——“smell!” says I, “no,
-madam, not unless I eat onions.” At this all the ladies laughed most
-extravagantly.
-
-However, the ’Squire after dinner gave me a recommendatory letter to
-the great Mr. _Eccho_ of _Durham_, principal performer belonging to
-that opulent cathedral; and withal told me, that Mr. _Eccho_ had so
-long apply’d himself to musical notes, that he had utterly forgot all
-articulate language. That he preached, conversed, prayed, scolded,
-swore, talk’d bawdy, and blasphemy, all on the fiddle, without uttering
-a word, or even making a sign with his fingers.
-
-At my introduction to this great man, I began a long complimental
-speech, which I had been some time studying.——“Most respectable
-sir, whose soul is a soul of harmony, and whose body is like a
-base-viol.”——Here he snatch’d up his fiddle with an air of great
-complacency, and drawing, the bow gently over the strings said, as
-plain as if he had spoke it. “Oh, sir, your most obedient; you
-compliment me indeed, sir, too much.” I then told him how long a
-journey I had performed on foot, and that the dusty roads had made me
-dry. He snatched up his violin, and before he had play’d above a bar
-or two, in came a footman with a jug of delicate ale. Next I mentioned
-modestly my having eat nothing all day.——“_Trut, trut, bish, bash,
-bush_,” cries the fiddle—“Indeed, sir,” replies I, “I, don’t fast for
-the sake of devotion”——“_ir, er, ar, querr, quorr, quurr_”—quoth the
-fiddle, and in came a surloin of cold beef, and mustard and bread, in
-the twinkling of a fiddle-stick.
-
-This gentleman, quoth I, is greater than _Orpheus_ or _Eurydice_, or
-the _Serpent_;—no, no, _Orpheus_ could do no such things as these—ale
-and beef were a note or two above his fiddle!
-
-Soon after came in Mr. _Eccho_’s wife, with a “what the deuce are you
-about, bringing beggars into my house?”—Mr. _Eccho_ catched up the
-fiddle, and such a jar did I never hear “_arg, erg, urg, gir, gor,
-gur_”—I warrant you madam became as dumb as if she were inchanted.
-
-Indeed, hearing this lady give me the opprobrious name of beggar,
-I took care to shew the diamond ring on my little finger, which I
-always wear when I perform in public, which might give her a better
-opinion of me, tho’ indeed it is only a Bristol stone, and that I pay
-a silver-smith two pence a week for the use of; and I would have hired
-a laced waistcoat, but was asked a shilling a week, tho’ I am sure the
-lace had been twice turn’d; yet, if I had hired it, I dare say Dr.
-_Hiccup_ would scarcely have kicked me out of his house.
-
-
-
-
-                               CARLISLE.
-
-
-At _Carlisle_ I waited on Lord _Diddle-doodle_ with proper musical
-credentials: he was sat against a glass practising some solfeggis on
-the violin, and attending to the gracefulness of his own attitude.
-“Most illustrious Peer,” says I, (making a bow to the very ground)
-“your noble ancestors gain’d victory in the hardy fields of war, but
-you by music civilize and harmonize mankind; with what rapture must
-they lean from their starry mansions to see and hear your immortal
-powers of harmony and grace!” I stopp’d, and on looking up, found
-that his lordship had not attended to a word I had spoken, nor seemed
-conscious of my being in the room;—but as great geniuses are often
-absent, I repeated my compliment in a louder voice, and approaching,
-was amazed to find that his lordship was quite deaf, deaf as a post;
-and yet he executed the most difficult passages in music with the
-greatest grace and manner, better, I dare say, than if he had heard his
-own performance.
-
-When his lordship had perceived me, he approached me with the utmost
-politeness, and made signs for me to sit down, and accompany him upon
-the bassoon, which I did ’till dinner-time. After dinner, I intreated
-my lady _Diddle-doodle_ to prevail upon the noble lord to sing, which
-he did; but I was rather disappointed at finding that his voice was
-only pack-thread[3]. However, he sung in tune; had a shake, and was far
-from vulgar. My lady afterwards made ample amends by her own singing.
-Her voice was a skane of silk, without the least mixture of worsted.
-She understood all the lights and shades of melody. Her back-ground;
-her mezzotints; and her clare-obscure were charming, and there was such
-a roundness and dignity in all the tones, that every thing she did
-became interesting.
-
-[3] “His voice is now but a thread.”
-                                   TOUR TO ITALY.
-
-
-It was in this part of _England_, I paid a visit to Mr. _Quaver_, with
-recommendatory letters from lord _Diddle-doodle_; I found him to be a
-gentleman of considerable and original musical genius; his taste was
-pure, chaste, refined; and his execution, particularly upon the Jew’s
-harp, was exquisite; he executed with great taste and powers, _Nancy
-Dawson_, _Lillabullero_, and _Old Sir Simon the king_. After dinner
-he explained to me his system for the improvement of sound, which
-was at once sublime and original. “The Author of Nature,” said he,
-“has with an equal and judicious hand distributed his gifts among his
-creatures: to one he has given strength; to another, dexterity; to a
-third, perseverance; in the same manner has he divided the agreeable
-qualifications; and the courtier and the fine gentleman need not
-blush to receive instruction from the spaniel and the monkey—Now as
-the philosopher models his life upon an imitation of the virtues of
-animals, the true connoisseur will do the same”—there he stopp’d, as
-if afraid to explain himself; but I told him, that there was something
-so original and masterly in his conceptions that I should never be
-easy, until he communicated them. Upon which, after a short pause, he
-seized me by the hand, and grasping it with affection, “since,” said
-he, “I find in you the true spirit of your science, I will no longer
-maintain any reserve; know then, that after a profound meditation upon
-the sublimest mysteries of our profession, I have traced them up to
-the creation”—“how!” said I, with amaze, “I thought that the greatest
-Antiquarians had never brought them with any certainty higher than
-the Deluge.” “I knew,” said he, “I should surprize you; but it is
-certain that _Adam_, amongst his other qualifications, possessed that
-of expressing every sound that ever has or can be uttered; hence he
-could not only sing base and treble, counter-tenor, and soprano to
-admiration; but also squeak like a pig, croak like a frog, bellow like
-a bull, whinny like a colt, and bray like an ass.”
-
-“It is true, that the greater part of these faculties was taken from
-him at the Fall, and have been very sparingly bestowed upon his
-descendants; from hence arises that degeneracy into which music has
-fallen in the modern ages of the world: that sublime science, instead
-of expressing the natural passions, by a judicious imitation of the
-tones of beasts; instead of roaring out the lion’s rage; bellowing
-the jealousy of the bull, or chanting the amorous passions of the
-nightingale, is become a meer unmeaning jargon, without force or
-energy, and its professors and admirers are dwindled into the most
-contemptible part of the creation; quavering eunuchs, unfeeling
-prostitutes, insignificant blockheads, wretches without head, or heart,
-or sentiment, or enthusiasm.”—I was too sensible that there was but too
-much truth in this gentleman’s observations, though I could not assent
-to every thing he said against our modern _virtuosi_, among whom envy
-itself must acknowledge there are some accomplished characters; and the
-eighteenth century will always glory in having produced an ELECTOR OF
-MUNICH, a TENDUCCI, and a MUS.
-
-“But,” said my friend, “perceiving this to be the lamentable state of
-things, I have with true and indefatigable industry applied myself to
-the restoration of the first _Adamitical_ harmony; I have selected
-the most admirable notes from every animal, and have already acquired
-a tolerable proficiency in bellowing, braying and grunting: I indeed
-found that the _squall_ of the peacock was two notes too high for my
-voice; but in return, if I may say so without vanity, I can inspire
-every hen and gosling in the yard with tender sentiments. I have,
-besides this, collected every great natural genius that I have found
-among the brute creation; I have a young he-ass who has an admirable
-bass; a young hog, (a _castrato_) who sings counter-tenor; and a dear
-little cat, whom, in honour of that illustrious name, so celebrated in
-the Doctor’s tour, I call MINGOTTI, who has an excellent treble, and a
-surprising _portamento_. But why waste I time in description? you shall
-see my scholars, and my _schola_.”
-
-Saying this, he led me to a large building, which resembled a barn,
-where we were received by the _Maestro di Capella_, who was an old and
-deaf huntsman. The first object I beheld was a beautiful she-ass in a
-_Mecklinburgh_ night-cap, who brayed a solo. Her voice was one of the
-clearest, sweetest, truest, most powerful and extensive I ever heard.
-In compass, it is from _B♭_ on the fifth space in the bass, to _D_ in
-_alt_, full steady and equal; her shake was good, and her _portamento_
-admirably free from the nose, mouth, or throat. We were then
-entertained by a duet between the _Mingotti_, and a large raven, in the
-_chromatic_, which grew more spirited by my friend’s pulling a bone out
-of his pocket, which he threw to the performers, and thereby produced
-a _conflicta_. I then told my friend that I would willingly hear the
-_castrato_, but he told me he was afraid the _Caffarelli_ could not
-oblige me in that particular, as he had unfortunately taken cold by
-rolling too long upon an unaired dunghill, and was then actually in a
-course of sugar-candy. However, he threw a turnip to encourage him to
-exert himself, and I could judge from what I then heard, that he is
-likely to become a most masterly performer.
-
-My friend then tied strings to the ears of six young greyhound puppies,
-which he twitch’d with so much art and judgment by means of a pully,
-that I think the effect was equal to any _viol di gamba_ I ever heard,
-not excepting that of the Elector of _Munich_.
-
-My friend then suspended two cats by the tails, which he contrived
-should alternately bob upon the noses of two sucking pigs, who were
-tied by the hind-legs to the floor: though I observed these performers
-were somewhat embarassed in their manner, yet I could not but
-acknowledge the effect was quite original and truly theatric.
-
-Mr. _Quaver_ then told me that he had formerly introduced some of these
-performers to sing at a concert, but without success: and he made great
-complaints of the unpoliteness of the audience, which he said could sit
-with patience three hours to listen to the unmeaning trills of heroes
-in hoop-petticoats, and _Italian_ vagabonds in a strange language,
-while they would not bestow one half hour upon the voice of nature and
-their brethren. Tho’ I was quite ignorant of the facts he alluded too,
-yet, like Dr. MUS, I was so partial to talents, wherever I found them,
-that I could not help condoling with my kind host upon the occasion;
-and after having bemoaned the degeneracy of the times, and wished him
-success in his truly original undertaking, which I promised him I would
-take due notice of in my intended work, I set forward on my journey to
-_Bristol_.
-
-Had I been rich, I should have agreed with a coachman, who was just
-then setting out, and offered to carry me and my bassoon, in the
-basket, for sixteen shillings. But as riches are not always the
-companions of genius, I rather chose to take my place in a coal-vessel,
-which was to arrive at that city in three days. Here, as the weather
-was extremely fine when I sat out, I travelled very agreeably, for
-the first day, and dined upon bread and cheese, and cold bacon,
-without making any observations worth communicating to the public,
-except that I saw a man standing upon the bank, and angling for dace,
-notwithstanding the earliness of the season.
-
-The second day, as the wind suddenly changed from West to North-East,
-was foggy, rainy, and so exceedingly cold, that I was obliged, for
-want of Dr. MUS’s lousy blanket, to slip my legs and thighs into a
-coal-sack; we stopped about two o’clock at _Averley_, a little village
-on the banks of the _Severn_ to dine; and here I cannot but inform
-the world, that Mr. _Bangor_, at the sign of the _Goat in Boots_, is
-an extremely civil and polite landlord, and has no contemptible taste
-in music. When I informed him of my design in making this expedition,
-he very obligingly led me into his hall, which was stuck round with
-various antique pieces of music, such as _Chevy Chace_, _The Children
-in the Wood_, _Three Children sliding on the Ice_, _The history of
-St. George_, &c. which he kindly permitted me to enrich my collection
-with. I begged hard that he would permit me to prick out the notes
-of an incomparable whistle as he performed it, which at length with
-great difficulty he complied with, upon condition however that I should
-not print it. But I was more than all surprized and charmed with his
-generosity, in slipping a piece of fried cow’s heel into my pocket, and
-insisting upon treating me with a dram, before I went into the cold.
-
-As I walked down to the river side, I remarked a boy, who was humming
-the tune of _Yanky Doodle_; and as I knew this to be an extremely
-popular air in some parts of _America_, I conjectured that this part of
-_England_ was originally peopled from that continent.
-
-
-
-
-                               BRISTOL.
-
-
-Late the next evening, we arrived at _Bristol_, a large and populous
-city, more famous for its commerce, manufactures and such trifles, than
-for its taste in music. They have but lately had a regular theatre
-established there to civilize and polish the uncouth manners of the
-dissenters, who would even have succeeded in the savage opposition
-they made to this salutary measure, if the bishops had not espoused
-the cause of the fine arts; I have little doubt, therefore, that they
-will soon find that “music is so combined with things sacred and
-important, as well as with our pleasures, that it seems necessary to
-our existence:” they will then quickly become friends to organs, and
-next to operas. As I approached the city, I was gratified with seeing
-the battalions of the principal militia, who made a most formidable
-appearance, and marched in exact time to the marrow-bones and cleavers,
-which had an admirable effect and were extremely animating. I put up at
-the _Dog’s Head in the Porridge-Pot_, and after powdering my wig with
-some flour, clipping my beard with a pair of scissars, and turning my
-shirt, I went to wait on Signor _Manselli_, to whom I had letters of
-recommendation. When I had knocked at the door, and enquired whether
-the Signor was within, I was informed that he was, but that I could
-not see him, as he was then busied in performing his vocalities. This
-answer, you may be sure, redoubled my curiosity, and I replied, “if a
-poor, yet I trust, not unknown musician, may be judged worthy of being
-an unobserved spectator of the Signor’s meditations, I promise not to
-interrupt his reveries, and perhaps the Signor himself will not be
-displeased at your introducing to him a _Collioni_!”
-
-When he learned that I was a musician, he bowed respectfully, and
-desiring me to pull off my shoes, as he did himself, he led me to the
-Signor’s apartment. When we came to the door, the servant desired me to
-pull off my coat, waistcoat, and wig, and creep through a hole, which
-he shewed me at the bottom of the door, as he assured me the Signor
-did not suffer even crowned heads to approach him in these moments
-of enthusiasm, without taking those precautions; “and sir,” said he,
-“you need not think this an humiliating situation, as I have seen many
-persons of the first fashion, among whom were several pregnant ladies,
-submit to the same ceremony.”
-
-I did not hesitate a moment to comply with the customary _etiquette_,
-but stripping myself to the shirt, I crept into the room with the same
-awful silence with which the antient priests approached the Tripod of
-their God. Having posted myself behind a large screen, I beheld the
-Signor extended on his belly, while two young and beautiful ladies were
-gently stroaking his back with the palms of their hands. He lay for
-some minutes pensive and silent, as if waiting for the inspirations of
-the divinity. At length, on a sudden, “his eyes were fixt, his underlip
-fell, and drops of effervescence distilled from his whole countenance.”
-Immediately explosions of the most musical intonation I had ever heard,
-issued from behind, and enraptured the whole company. After this,
-he successively coughed, sneezed, hiccuped, eructated, squeaked and
-whistled in the most harmonious manner that can be conceived. “Thank
-heaven,” cried the Signor, “my powers of harmony are yet undiminished:
-I shall still live to bless the world, and polish this brutal nation.”
-Saying this, he took up his fiddle, and played a most divine solo. I
-heard him for some time in silent ecstacy, ’till at length incapable
-of suppressing my emotions any longer, I precipitated myself into
-his arms, crying or rather blubbering out in imitation of the great
-_Cassarelli_, _Bravo! bravissimo! Manselli, è Collioni che ti lo dice_.
-The Signor seemed somewhat surprized at my abrupt introduction, but at
-length, recollecting himself, he received me with ineffable politeness.
-The ladies at my appearance, had shrieked, and left the room, which in
-the first hurry of our embraces we had not perceived. But presently the
-Signor, glancing his eye downwards, recollected himself, and said with
-some warmth and emphasis, “O, fye, Signor _Collioni_, I took it for
-granted you were one of US.” I blushed at the imputation, and said, “I
-hoped this defect would not lessen me in his esteem, as my country was
-not yet sufficiently civilized to have adopted the custom; and though
-some of our prime nobility had the spirit and taste to lead the way,
-yet in the gross conceptions of the _English_, there was a certain
-degree of ridicule annexed to it, which deterred several men otherwise
-of the most exquisite politeness from submitting to it.” The Signor
-was kind enough to admit my excuses, but lamented this as the greatest
-obstacle to the national advancement in the science of music. However,
-he averred that several _English_ young noblemen of fortune had to his
-knowledge undergone the operation in _Italy_, “and though,” added he,
-“an ordinary proficient may be exempted from the practice, yet it is
-indispensibly necessary for one who would fathom all the mysteries of
-the art, and emulate the illustrious names of _Senesino_, _Farinelli_,
-_Tenducci_, &c.”
-
-I confess I was much staggered at what he said, more especially as I
-began to entertain some doubts myself whether the characters of a man
-and a musician were at all compatible.
-
-I hinted to him, that I had formerly heard, that a certain great
-Personage, _tàm Marti quàm Mercurio_, equally illustrious for his
-martial and his musical talents, had adopted the practice; but as the
-Doctor had not recorded it in his tour to _Potzdam_, I imagined the
-report was without foundation.
-
-“Ah!” said he, “depend upon it, tho’ the Doctor has indeed omitted
-this circumstance in the admirable description he gives of that hero,
-and Dilettante practising his _solfeggi_ at _Potzdam_, yet he would
-never have been either the monarch, or the flutist he is without it. Do
-you think, added he, that illustrious philosopher could amuse himself
-so calmly in his closet with fugus and adagios, while ten thousand
-_Polish_ widows, and orphans, were imprecating curses upon the head of
-their unfeeling destroyer, unless he had totally disengaged himself
-from every incumbrance of his sex and species?”
-
-Here the entrance of the young ladies interrupted any further
-conversation on the subject. The eldest, his niece, who was called
-_Gluckinella Inglesina_, desired me to sing, which I did in the softest
-and most unmanly tone I could exert, that I might not again offend. I
-asked her what her real opinion of my voice was? she answered me with
-the most perfect affability, that I acquitted myself tolerably well
-_considering_; tho’ “she thought me too ambitious of displaying my
-talent of working parts and subjects, and added that my _cantilena_ was
-often rude.”
-
-I took an opportunity when I was alone with this young lady, to
-enquire if the _castrati_ were much in vogue at _Bristol_, and if that
-operation could be so safely attempted on elderly gentlemen; this
-young lady smiled at my simplicity, and assured me that the operation
-was safe and easy, and not so painful as to acquire any degree of
-resolution, and that the _castrati_ were the favourites of the ladies,
-both of the married and unmarried. She advised me by all means to
-undergo the operation as the Doctor had done in _Italy_, tho’ his
-excess of modesty prevented him from boasting of it in his excellent
-treatise. She added, that she could not with safety love me, unless I
-would submit to this for her sake.
-
-This declaration from a young lady for whom I now perceived I had
-imbibed the most ardent affection, gave me great uneasiness; that
-affection however was purely platonic and spiritual, for personal
-charms she had no more to boast of, that ever I discovered, than
-_Mingotti_ herself. Besides the disadvantage of a contortion in the
-ogle, vulgarly called a squint of the eye, and a very long red nose,
-she had a mouth, which tho’ it opened from ear to ear, discovered to
-the eye nothing but the sad remains of a set of ebony teeth, which
-more resembled the ruins of an old cathedral, than the polished ivory
-which adorns the comic mouth of the celebrated Mrs. _Ab-ngt-n_. There
-was yet another circumstance to disgust the sensualist, and deter him
-from approaching this Syren with an improper familiarity; and that was
-the great offensiveness of her breath, which was so violent, that any
-person not “determined” like me “to hear, see,” and smell “nothing
-but music,” might have thought it hardly atoned for by the sweetness
-of her voice. Yet none of these circumstances damped the ardor of
-my spiritual attachment, founded, as it was, upon a solid basis,
-the love of song;—it was embodied harmony, the tuneful soul which I
-adored. The reader who is unacquainted with the difference between a
-gross sensual passion, and a sublime, harmonic sympathy, may perhaps
-be surprized when I tell him, that while I was thus devoted to the
-divine _Gluckinella_, I was at the same time personally captivated
-by the corporeal attractions of a little black-ey’d Gypsy, the wife
-of a barber in the town, who often shaved me for a tune; yet did not
-these grosser feelings the least impair or abate my musical platonic
-love. I might perhaps be excused, were I to conceal the progress and
-issue of these different amours; but they are so intimately blended
-with the scientific part of my work, and were attended with such
-important consequences to myself in my professional capacity, that I
-doubt not the narration will prove of great utility to my brethren.
-For it was no common temptation that deluded me; tho’ Mrs. _Sharpset_
-was abundantly handsome, I could have resisted “the blandishments of
-beauty,” if a desire of making dangerous experiments upon the power
-and effects of music upon female passion had not seized my brain.
-For I had taken notice, that the imagination of this young woman was
-exceedingly lively and far out-stripped her husband’s, who was a plain
-dull man with little fire or enthusiasm in his composition. I plainly
-perceived this in all her gestures and movements, but when I sung some
-tender sentimental air, her involuntary sighs, blushes, and languid
-attitude, betrayed too plainly the irritability of her nervs, and that
-fine susceptibility of soft emotions with which nature has endowed
-the sex. No wonder that in a rude, uncultivated state of nature as I
-then was, I caught the subtle fire from her contagious eyes. Ah! how
-often did I sing the _sweet passion of Love_ without once thinking of
-my dear _Gluckinella_; how often did she encore my _O how pleasing ’tis
-to please_, without the slightest recollection of her absent barber!
-Madly determined to pursue the fatal experiment, and observe the full
-effects of my art; I next sung “_Haste, let us rove, to the Island
-of Love”_, at which Mrs. _Sharpset_ was greatly agitated and danced
-about the room. Then I played a rapturous voluntary “produced in the
-happy moments of effervescence when my reason was less powerful than
-my feeling;” and at length I proceeded to such excess of temerity,
-as to tune up _Geho Dobbin_, _Murdoch O’Blaney_, and several other
-inflammatory compositions; and finding my mistress “attentive, and in
-a disposition to be pleased, I became animated to that true pitch of
-enthusiasm, which from the ardor of the fire within, is communicated
-to others and sets all around in a blaze, so that the contention
-between the performer and the hearer was only who should please or
-who should applaud the most, till at length, not contented with
-shewing her approbation by coughing, hemming, and blowing the nose”
-she “expressed rapture in a manner peculiar to herself, and seemed to
-agonize with pleasure too great for the aching sense!” for at length,
-overpowered by my quirking and quavering, and transported beyond all
-the bounds of prudence, Mrs. _Sharpset_ on a sudden leaped into my
-arms, hung round my neck, and devoured me with eager kisses, such as I
-never tasted before or since. What man, what unemasculated god could
-have withstood such potent snares? Ah! my serene _Gluckinella_ had’st
-thou been there, these tumults had all subsided, the devil had not
-got intire possession of my mind, voice and instrument, nor had I
-needed the painful operation of the barber’s avenging steel to bring
-my wandering spirits back to reason:—for soon, and in the midst of our
-illicit joys, the door of the chamber was forced open, and in rushed
-Mr. _Sharpset_.—Discordant oaths and curses, and the look and voice of
-a Fury making an incantation to awake the dead, bespoke the injured
-husband, and scared us from the bed. He retired a moment to fetch the
-instrument of his revenge. Mrs. _Sharpset_ escaped, but in an instant
-I saw him return whetting his keenest razor; and concluding, that he
-meant to cut my throat upon the spot, I fell down at his feet and in an
-agony of fear and penitence, roared out such a MISERERE, as was never
-heard at the Pope’s chapel in _Passion-week_. Alas! how did I wish for
-the genius of a _Gluck_, “to paint _my_ difficult situation occasioned
-by complicated misery, and the tempestuous fury of unbridled passions!”
-But _Allegri_ himself, had he chanted his own MISERERE, could not have
-moved the shaver’s unrelenting soul, or soothed his injured honour up
-in arms, and demanding its victim! I tried a softer strain, and sang
-in melting mood, “_Let not rage thy Bosom firing, pity’s softer claim
-remove_,” &c. but it was all one: still strapped he his inexorable
-razor, humming out a song of _Bravura_, the subject of which was the
-castration of the devil by a baker; (which, by the bye, is a very
-curious story, whose authenticity I must enquire into farther at my
-leisure.) I immediately augured my approaching destiny from the burden
-of this song; and the _Cornuto_ presently gave me to understand that
-my conjecture was well founded. Having been till now in a cold-sweat,
-and corporal fear of my life, I congratulated myself on this exchange
-of punishment, as a sort of reprieve, and considering that I had some
-time since resolved, like another _Grassetto_, to undergo the operation
-whenever I found myself bold enough for such a voluntary sacrifice; I
-plucked up courage, and with great composure told the barber, that a
-guilty conscience was a greater torment to me than any he could devise;
-but that to expiate the crime I had committed, and appease the anger
-of heaven, and the honest man whom I had so deeply offended, I would
-patiently submit to suffer the righteous sentence which his vengeance
-meditated on the peccant part. The enraged tonsor took me at my word.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-The first thing that came into my thoughts after I awoke from the
-fainting fit, into which the paroxism of pain had thrown me, was to
-try my voice in its improved state. I accordingly sung _A Dawn of Hope
-my Soul revives_, and found my powers wonderfully improved, and my
-execution delicate, interesting, and full of effects. “Ho, ho,” cries
-the barber, “I am glad to find you are so merry,” and resumed his old
-tune of the baker and the devil. I told him I thought it unkind in
-him to insult me, and intreated him to convey me home, which he very
-readily consented to do, and soon afterwards began to apologize for
-the effects of his rage, hoping I would consider the nature of the
-provocation, and not attempt to take the law of him. I answered, that
-upon condition he would freely pardon his wife, whose fault was venial,
-as her virtue had fallen a sacrifice to the power of harmony, I would
-decline any hostile proceedings against him on my own account, with
-which condition he appeared satisfied, and we parted.—I was brought
-home on a mule, on which I rode sideways; and as soon as I alighted at
-Signor _Manselli_’s I sent for him into my chamber, and accosted him as
-he approached with the following air, in singing which I exerted all my
-newly-acquired powers.
-
-    _Bear, O bear me on a sudden,
-      Some kind stroke of smiling chance!
-    From this land of beef and pudding,
-      To dear_ Italy _or_ France!
-
-    _I am sick to the soul,
-    Politics and sea coal,
-    So give one the vapours,
-    Their cursed news-papers,
-      Their mobbing,
-      Stock-jobbing
-      Are horrors to me;
-      I wish the whole island were sunk in the sea._
-
-During my performance, the Signor appeared perfectly astonished, and
-at length seizing my hand with rapture, “welcome,” he cried, “O son
-of harmony! it cannot be longer disguised, you are a brother—you are
-one of us”—then expatiating on the dignity and importance of the order
-of _castrati_, he desired me, if not too much exhausted, to sing
-again his favourite air, which when I had done he cried out with
-transport;—“_nec vox hominem sonat!_ I can hardly believe it is the
-same pipe! such a volume of voice, such an open and perfect shake!
-such light and shade! never was voice less _cloudy_! such clearness,
-brilliancy, neatness, expression, embellishment, intonation, firmness,
-modulation, smoothness and elegance! and then your _portamento_ is as
-round and tight as a portmanteau, and you take _appogiatura_, as easily
-as a body would take a pinch of snuff!”—
-
-I was greatly flattered by these encomiums, but begged he would forbear
-and suffer me to retire to my chamber, for the sake of necessary
-refreshment and rest. He immediately complied, and sent up to me Signor
-_Sougelder_, an eminent surgeon in the neighbourhood, and an agreeable
-performer on the _English_ horn; who having applied an excellent
-dressing to my wound left me to sleep, and “thus ended this busy and
-important day, in which so much was said, and done; that it seemed
-to contain the events of a much longer period; and I could hardly
-persuade myself, upon recollecting the several incidents, that they
-had all happened in about the space of twelve hours.” By the kind and
-skilful offices of Signor _Sougelder_, I was soon restored to my health
-and spirits; and my adorable Signora _Gluckinelli_ in a few days paid
-me a visit of congratulation, which she repeated every day during my
-recovery. It was in some of these delightful interviews I discovered
-how deep a theorist she was, and how learned in the science of sound.
-Among other discoveries and observations which she communicated to me,
-and which I treasure up, and mean to preserve for the benefit of future
-ages, she assured me that it was “practicable with time and patience to
-give a shake where nature has denied it; that she thought, the shake
-ruined ninety-nine times out of a hundred by too much impatience and
-precipitation, both in the master and scholar, and that many who can
-execute passages which require the same motion of the _larynx_ as the
-shake, have notwithstanding never acquired one”—“There is no accounting
-for this,” added that illustrious young lady, with a sigh, “but from
-the neglect of the master to study nature, and avail himself of these
-passages, which by continuity would become real shakes.”
-
-During my confinement to my chamber, I have had leisure to extract the
-foregoing observations, anecdotes, and adventures from my journal, and
-which I present to the world as the first hints of my undertaking. If
-they tend in any shape to promote the study and practice of music in
-this country, and by that means lessen our national reproach of being
-_The Savages of Europe_, immersed in politics, philosophy, metaphysics,
-mathematics, and other sour and abstruse speculations, I shall have
-gained my end, and shall congratulate myself on having in some humble
-degree assisted the generous efforts of the great musical Doctor, and
-the governors of the _Foundling Hospital_, to polish and _Italianize_
-the genius, taste, and manners of the _English_ nation.
-
-I shall trespass on the reader’s patience but one moment longer, to
-inform him that as soon as I had perfectly recovered my health, Signor
-_Manselli_ instituted a grand _Fête Cbampêtre_ to celebrate what he was
-pleased to call my victory over the flesh and the devil; and to crown
-the whole, the idol of my soul, the fair _Gluckinella_, was that day
-pleased to condescend publicly to avow her platonic harmonic passion
-for me; and to promise me in the most endearing manner, that if ever
-she entered into the holy slate of matrimony, I should be her CECISBEO.
-
-
-                               THE END.
-
-
-
-
-                     _Speedily will be published_,
-
-                   An ENQUIRY into the PRESENT STATE
-
-                                OF THE
-
-                         MUSIC OF THE SPHERES.
-
-                      To which will be prefixed,
-
-             The OVERTURE to the last ECLIPSE of the MOON;
-
-             And, a Dissertation on the Structure and Use
-
-                                OF THE
-
-             CELESTIAL BOW, commonly called the RAIN-BOW.
-
-
-                      By JOEL COLLIER, Organist.
-
-
-  _Avia Pieridum perago loca nullius antè Trita solo._
-                                                  LUCR.
-
-
-  ⁂ Price to Subscribers, Two Guineas; Non-Subscribers
-  Three Guineas and an Half.
-
-*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MUSICAL TRAVELS THROUGH ENGLAND ***
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