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diff --git a/old/64562-0.txt b/old/64562-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 506b16e..0000000 --- a/old/64562-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2503 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Grand Cham's Diamond, by Allan Monkhouse - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Grand Cham's Diamond - A Play in One Act - -Author: Allan Monkhouse - -Release Date: February 14, 2021 [eBook #64562] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Paul Haxo with special thanks to Google and the Bodleian - Libraries. - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GRAND CHAM'S DIAMOND *** - - - - -REPERTORY PLAYS, No. 44 - -THE GRAND CHAM’S DIAMOND - - - - -Entered at the Library of Congress, Washington, U.S.A. - -The performing rights of this play are fully protected. - -All applications for permission to perform “The Grand Cham’s Diamond” in -the British Empire (except Canada) must be addressed to Mr Allan -Monkhouse, Meadow Bank, Disley, Cheshire. For permission to perform in -America and Canada, to The Baker International Play Bureau, 41 Winter -Street, Boston, Mass. - -The fee for each and every representation of the play by amateurs in the -British Empire (except Canada) is one guinea; in America and Canada, -five dollars. These sums are payable in advance, and no performance may -take place unless a written permission has first been obtained. - -The terms for performance by professionals can be ascertained on -application. - - - - -THE GRAND CHAM’S DIAMOND - -A PLAY IN ONE ACT - - -BY - -ALLAN MONKHOUSE - - -GOWANS & GRAY, LTD., LONDON AND GLASGOW - -THE BAKER INTERNATIONAL PLAY BUREAU - -BOSTON, U.S.A. 1924 - - - - -Printed in Great Britain - -by Turnbull & Spears, Edinburgh - - - - -CHARACTERS - - MRS PERKINS - MR PERKINS - MISS PERKINS - A MAN IN BLACK - ALBERT WATKINS - -_This play was first produced at the Birmingham Repertory Theatre on -September 21, 1918, by Mr John Drinkwater, with the following cast:_ - - Mrs Perkins . CATHLEEN ORFORD - Mr Perkins . REGINALD GATTY - Miss Perkins . SIDNEY LEON - A Man in Black . NOEL SHAMMON - Albert Watkins . J. ADRIAN BYRNE - - - - -THE GRAND CHAM’S DIAMOND - - -SCENE: _A sitting-room in a small house in a London suburb. The window -is in the wall to the left of the spectator and the door in the right -half of the back wall. The furniture is ordinary. On the chimneypiece, -to the right of the spectator, is a clock. The room is lit by electric -light. It is some time after the evening meal. Mr Perkins is reading a -newspaper. Mrs Perkins is darning a sock, and Miss Perkins is engaged -upon a jigsaw puzzle._ - -MRS PERKINS - -What I mean t’ say is that it’s not much fun for us. - -MR PERKINS - -All right, Ma. - -MISS PERKINS - -(_Engaged on her puzzle._) Bother! - -MRS PERKINS - -It makes a long evenin’ of it. Same every night. We ’ave our tea and -then we just set down till it’s time to go to bed. It’s not fair. - -MR PERKINS - -Same for all of us. - -MRS PERKINS - -That it’s not. - -MR PERKINS - -Why isn’t it? - -MRS PERKINS - -Do y’ or do y’ not go out o’ this ’ouse every mornin’ and spend the day -out? - -MR PERKINS - -It’d be a poor job for you if I didn’t. - -MRS PERKINS - -I don’t say anythin’ about that. I don’t interfere. - -MR PERKINS - -’Ow could y’ interfere? - -MISS PERKINS - -Bother! - -MRS PERKINS - -Don’t interrup’ like that when me and your pa’s talkin’, Polly. - -MISS PERKINS - -My name isn’t Polly. - -MR PERKINS - -What is it? - -MISS PERKINS - -It’s Marie. - -MR PERKINS - -Well, I’m blowed! - -MRS PERKINS - -An’ why shouldn’t she ’ave a bit of a change? She’s tired of bein’ -Polly. - -MISS PERKINS - -I do think we might have a little more change. - -MR PERKINS - -Don’t you start. - -MISS PERKINS - -We might have gone out to the pictures to-night, as Mother said. - -MR PERKINS - -Your young man might ’ave come and found you out. - -MISS PERKINS - -You know he’s engaged in the evenings. - -MR PERKINS - -Yes, and what at? - -MISS PERKINS - -Never mind! - -MRS PERKINS - -I do think, Polly, that he ought to be a bit more open with you. What -_does_ he do? - -MR PERKINS - -Ay; what does Albert Watkins do? - -MISS PERKINS - -Never you mind! - -MRS PERKINS - -’E’s never told ’er. - -MR PERKINS - -I ’ope it’s nothin’ to be ashamed of. - -MISS PERKINS - -P’raps I know more than you think. - -MRS PERKINS - -’As ’e said? - -MISS PERKINS - -It’s confidential. - -MR PERKINS - -Oh! I know that tale. - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, Polly’s got ’er young man and you’ve got your business an’ out all -day seein’ people. What ’ave I got? - -MR PERKINS - -Well, what should y’ ’ave? What does any woman ’ave? I dunno what you’re -botherin’ about. Y’ ’ad a week at Margate this year. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Derisively_.) ’Ome from ’ome! - -MR PERKINS - -A good woman ought to like ’er ’ome. - -MRS PERKINS - -I never said I didn’t like it. - -MR PERKINS - -Well---- - -MRS PERKINS - -’Ome’s a place to come back to. - -MISS PERKINS - -Mother’s romantic. That’s what she is. - -MRS PERKINS - -What _is_ that, Polly? It’s a word I never rightly---- - -MR PERKINS - -Romantic! At ’er age! - -MRS PERKINS - -You know what it is, do y’? - -MR PERKINS - -It’s penny dreadfuls and the pictures and gassin’ about love and the -deep blue sea. - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, y’ might do worse. - -MR PERKINS - -Whatever’s come over ’er? - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ve always thought I should like to travel. - -MISS PERKINS - -(_At her puzzle._) I think there’s a bit missing. - -MRS PERKINS - -Eh? A bit missin’? That’s the way with me; there’s always bin a bit -missin’. - -MR PERKINS - -I dunno why y’re startin’ like this now. Y’ve ’ad all these years to -settle down in. What’s come over yer? - -MRS PERKINS - -Eh! Don’t ask me. I think ’er Albert’s comin’ about ’as unsettled me. - -MISS PERKINS - -Albert! - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, I see ’im an’ you and I think what might ’a’ been. - -MR PERKINS - -What’s that? - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, I was young onct. - -MR PERKINS - -But y’re not now. - -MRS PERKINS - -You’ve no call to throw it in m’ teeth. - -MR PERKINS - -Teeth indeed! - -MRS PERKINS - -Don’t be insultin’, Mr Perkins. - -MR PERKINS - -I wasn’t bein’. - -MRS PERKINS - -Yes, y’ was. - -MISS PERKINS - -I don’t see why Albert should unsettle you. - -MRS PERKINS - -If I was you I’d want to know ’ow ’e spends ’is evenings. - -MISS PERKINS - -It’s no business of yours, Ma. - -MR PERKINS - -It’ll be some bus’ness of mine. I think it’s about time Albert spoke to -me. - -MISS PERKINS - -Spoke to you? - -MR PERKINS - -Placed ’is position an’ prospects before me. - -MISS PERKINS - -Well, I believe he’s a confidential agent. - -MRS PERKINS - -A what! - -MR PERKINS - -What sort of a’ agent? - -MISS PERKINS - -It’s confidential--or financial p’raps. - -MR PERKINS - -He’s kiddin’ yer. - -MRS PERKINS - -Do they work at night? - -MISS PERKINS - -I’ve always understood that Rothschilds and people like that did this -business at parties--on the quiet. - -MR PERKINS - -Bosh! - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, very well, Pa. - -[_Miss Perkins settles to her puzzle. Mrs Perkins darns stolidly. Mr -Perkins returns to the paper. A short pause._ - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, it’s too late for the movies now. - -MISS PERKINS - -Ah! That’s it. - -[_She finds the missing bit._ - -MRS PERKINS - -What’s in the paper, Pa? - -MR PERKINS - -There’s a Cabinet crisis. - -MRS PERKINS - -Isn’t there anythin’ interestin’? - -MR PERKINS - -’Ere’s a child stole a shillin’ an’ swallowed it t’ escape detection. - -MRS PERKINS - -Poor thing! - -MR PERKINS - -’Ere! Is this more in your line? Great Jewel Robbery! The Grand Cham’s -Diamond missing. - -MRS PERKINS - -Eh! What’s that? - -MISS PERKINS - -Who is the Grand Cham? - -MR PERKINS - -’E’s--one o’ them Eastern potentates. ’E’s been stayin’ at the Majestic -Hotel. The dimond was taken out of the settin’ and a walnut substituted. - -MRS PERKINS - -A walnut! It must be a whopper. - -MISS PERKINS - -Why did they substitute a walnut? - -MR PERKINS - -You must substitute somethin’. - -MISS PERKINS - -Why? - -MR PERKINS - -I don’t know. They always do. The brightest treasure of the East. Not -the slightest trace. Supposed Asiatic gang. Sherlock Holmes and Father -Brown have been summoned and a telegram despatched to Mossier Lecock. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_With satisfaction._) Well, that’s somethin’ like. - -MISS PERKINS - -What’s it worth? - -MR PERKINS - -Eh! I dunno. Thousands, thousands. They say it makes the Koh-i-noor take -a back seat. - -MRS PERKINS - -Reelly? - -MR PERKINS - -What ’ud you do, old lady, if I brought it ’ome for y’r birthday? - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, I’d wear it, I s’pose. - -MISS PERKINS - -You’d never dare, Ma. - -MRS PERKINS - -I would that. - -MISS PERKINS - -But thieves’d always be after it. - -MRS PERKINS - -What ’d these thieves do with it when they’ve got it? - -MR PERKINS - -I s’pose they chop it up and sell it in bits. - -MRS PERKINS - -What a shame! - -MR PERKINS - -I dessay they’re off to South America. - -MRS PERKINS - -Why? - -MR PERKINS - -No extrydition. - -MRS PERKINS - -What’s that? D’ y’ mean last ’dition extra? - -MISS PERKINS - -No, Ma. It means that thieves can’t be turned out. - -MRS PERKINS - -Why not? - -MR PERKINS - -It’s like it used to be with slaves here. Once the South American flag’s -waved over ’em, they’re all right. - -MISS PERKINS - -It isn’t all one country there, Pa. - -MR PERKINS - -Well, I reckon they’re much of a muchness. - -MRS PERKINS - -An’ could you sell it there? - -MR PERKINS - -Yes, they’re great people for jewl’ry. - -MRS PERKINS - -Polly, you’re doin’ nothin’. Y’ might as well be mendin’ that blind. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, bother! - -MRS PERKINS - -It looks bad hangin’ down like that. - -MISS PERKINS - -(_Going towards the window._) People’ll see in. - -MRS PERKINS - -There’s not many passin’ at this time o’ night. - -MISS PERKINS - -It makes it so public. (_She takes the blind from the lower part of -the window and begins to mend it._) Where’s the white thread, Ma? - -MRS PERKINS - -Here y’ are. Now, make a job of it. - -[_Mr Perkins has returned to his paper, his daughter is more or less -intent on her work, Mrs Perkins darns and yawns. Mr Perkins snores -gently._ - -MRS PERKINS - -Might as well all be asleep. - -MISS PERKINS - -Listen, Ma! - -MRS PERKINS - -Somebody runnin’. Seem in an ’urry. - -[_Something crashes through the window and falls with broken glass -upon the floor._ - -MISS PERKINS - -Good gracious! - -MRS PERKINS - -Mercy on us! - -MR PERKINS - -(_Waking up_.) Fire! Where is it? - -MRS PERKINS - -Nonsense, Pa! It’s them boys. Out arter ’em. - -MR PERKINS - -What! Where? - -MISS PERKINS - -No. Don’t go. Don’t leave us. It can’t be boys. - -MR PERKINS - -(_Seeing the broken window._) This is very careless, Polly. - -MISS PERKINS - -It wasn’t me. It’s a stone, I think. - -MRS PERKINS - -They’re far enough now. Where is it? - -MISS PERKINS - -I’m all of a tremble. - -MRS PERKINS - -You ought to ’ave run right out, Pa, and you might ’ave caught ’em. I -never did see such a thing. - -MR PERKINS - -It’s an outrage, this is. Did y’ see anybody? - -MRS PERKINS - -We ’eard somebody runnin’. - -MISS PERKINS - -I thought I ’eard somebody passing after that. Quietly like. Runnin’ -very light. - -MR PERKINS - -Nonsense, Polly. Better put that blind up now. - -MISS PERKINS - -You put it up. - -MR PERKINS - -Do as I tell you. - -MISS PERKINS - -I don’t like. - -MRS PERKINS - -’Ere, ’ere. Give it me. - -[_She puts it up and peers out into the street._ - -MISS PERKINS - -Come away, Ma. - -MR PERKINS - -Where’s the stone? - -[_They all look about the floor._ - -MISS PERKINS - -Here it is. Here’s something. (_She picks it up._) Why! it’s a lump -of glass. - -MR PERKINS - -Let’s look! - -MRS PERKINS - -Let me see. - -[_They crowd round._ - -MR PERKINS - -I say! - -MISS PERKINS - -What is it? What is it? - -MRS PERKINS - -Give it me, Polly. - -[_She grabs it._ - -MR PERKINS - -Hold it up to the light. - -MISS PERKINS - -Why! What can it be? - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Relinquishing it to her husband._) Nonsense! Nonsense! - -[_She goes back to her chair and begins to fumble with her darning. -She is greatly agitated._ - -MR PERKINS - -It’s a rum thing, this is. - -MISS PERKINS - -Eh! Isn’t it beautiful? - -MR PERKINS - -It might be a---- - -MISS PERKINS - -Diamond? - -MR PERKINS - -Nonsense! - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Rushing forward._) Hide it! - -[_She seizes the diamond and looks about the room._ - -MISS PERKINS - -Why! What d’ y’ mean, Ma! - -MRS PERKINS - -It’s it. - -MR PERKINS - -(_Feebly._) What’s it? - -MRS PERKINS - -You know. - -MR PERKINS - -What--what--what rubbish! The idea! - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Looking at it in her palm._) It’s the Grand Cham’s dimond. - -MR PERKINS - -Then it’s dangerous. - -MRS PERKINS - -Never mind that. - -MISS PERKINS - -What shall we do? - -[_She begins to whimper._ - -MRS PERKINS - -Stop that, Polly. - -MR PERKINS - -P’raps we’d better look out for a policeman. - -MRS PERKINS - -No. - -MR PERKINS - -If it is it we’re not safe. - -MRS PERKINS - -I don’t care. - -MR PERKINS - -But what d’ y’ want to do? - -MRS PERKINS - -Here! Let’s put it inside the clock. (_She opens the back of the clock -and crams it in._) Now! - -MR PERKINS - -What are y’ up to, Ma? - -MISS PERKINS - -I wish you’d throw it out in the street again. - -MRS PERKINS - -No, no. - -MR PERKINS - -But what _are_ y’ up to? - -MRS PERKINS - -It’s come to us, this ’as. We’ll stick to it if we can. - -MR PERKINS - -But---- - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! - -MRS PERKINS - -They may not find the ’ouse again. They’re all alike in this street. - -MR PERKINS - -There’s the broken window. - -MRS PERKINS - -Let’s ’ave the bits of glass out. Then it won’t be noticed. - -[_She peers out into the street. Then she begins to pluck the -fragments of broken glass from the window. She winces and licks her -finger._ - -MR PERKINS - -You’ve cut yourself now. - -MRS PERKINS - -Never mind that. Polly, pick all the bits off the floor. Don’t leave a -trace. - -[_She licks her finger. Polly obeys._ - -MR PERKINS - -Now, what’s all this about? - -MISS PERKINS - -(_On the floor._) I dunno what’s come over ’er. - -MRS PERKINS - -’Ere, Polly, look alive. ’Ave y’ got ’em all? - -MISS PERKINS - -All I can find. - -MRS PERKINS - -Drat it! A bit’s fallen outside. Go out and pick it up, Pa. No; p’raps -better not. - -MR PERKINS - -Look here! What’s y’r game? - -MRS PERKINS - -Give here! (_She takes all the fragments together and puts them under -the sofa cushion. She looks round the room, listens at the window and -returns to her darning_.) If anyone comes, mind we know nothin’ about -it. - -MR PERKINS - -It depends ’oo comes, doesn’t it? - -MRS PERKINS - -No. - -MR PERKINS - -It might be the police. - -MRS PERKINS - -Never mind the police. - -MR PERKINS - -Why! What d’ y’ mean? What _do_ y’ mean? - -MRS PERKINS - -It’s the chanct of a lifetime. We’ll take it. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! - -MR PERKINS - -Look ’ere---- - -MRS PERKINS - -It’s come to us. It might a’ bin the answer to a prayer. - -MR PERKINS - -Was it? - -MRS PERKINS - -Not exactly, but I’ve been thinkin’ a lot. - -MR PERKINS - -More likely the devil. - -MRS PERKINS - -There’s no such thing. Y’re talkin’ nonsense. - -MR PERKINS - -No devil. Then is there God? - -MRS PERKINS - -There may be. ’E may ’av sent it. - -MR PERKINS - -It’s awful talk, this. - -MISS PERKINS - -Why! What could you do with it? - -MRS PERKINS - -Chop it up and sell it. - -MR PERKINS - -Where? - -MRS PERKINS - -In South America. - -MR PERKINS - -Good ’eavens! - -MISS PERKINS - -Ma, how can you? - -MR PERKINS - -’Ave y’ took leave of y’r senses? - -MRS PERKINS - -Yes, if y’ like. - -MR PERKINS - -Well, I’ve ’eard tell as women aren’t honest like men and now I know it. - -MRS PERKINS - -’Ow do I know you’re honest? - -MR PERKINS - -I’ve never took a thing in my life. I’ve a record, ’aven’t I? - -MRS PERKINS - -I dessay. I dunno. I won’t give it up. I won’t. I won’t. So there! - -MR PERKINS - -’Ow can y’ ’elp it? - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ve sat there darnin’ and mendin’, waitin’ and dozin’ till I’m tired. -I’ve never ’ad a go at anythin’. The chanct ’as come. - -MISS PERKINS - -I did think you were honest, Ma. - -MRS PERKINS - -Honest! It’s ours. - -MR PERKINS - -’Ow can it be? - -MRS PERKINS - -’Oo’s is it? - -MR PERKINS - -Why! That Grand Cham’s. - -MRS PERKINS - -An’ ’ow did ’e get it? ’E’s a tyrant. ’E stole it off some nigger. Now -it’s come to me. It’s mine. It’s mine as much as anyone’s. It’s come -like a miracle. - -MISS PERKINS - -But you can’t keep it. - -MR PERKINS - -Y’r ma amazes me. - -MRS PERKINS - -First thing in the mornin’ y’ll get a list o’ them ships sailin’ for -South America. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! Ma! - -MR PERKINS - -She’s off ’er chump. - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ll go alone if y’ like. - -MR PERKINS - -It’s dangerous. It’s dangerous. There may be a revolver levelled at y’ -now. - -MRS PERKINS - -I don’t care. - -MR PERKINS - -I never knew she was like this. - -MISS PERKINS - -South America? Where? - -MRS PERKINS - -Y’ shall ’ave jewels and dresses no end, Polly. - -MISS PERKINS - -Don’t, Ma. - -MR PERKINS - -South America! Like that chap Jabez Balfour. - -MISS PERKINS - -He was brought back, wasn’t he? - -MR PERKINS - -I object to be put along of ’im, any’ow. - -MRS PERKINS - -We’d manage better than that. Riches! Livin’ at ease. Motors an’ -champagne. We’ve never ’ad a chanct! - -MR PERKINS - -It can’t be done. It’s all nonsense. An’ it’s ’orrible to think of. - -MRS PERKINS - -Oh! It’s a beautiful thing. I couldn’t bear to break it up. We’ll keep -it. We’ll look at it now and then. Every Sunday. - -MR PERKINS - -Sunday! - -MRS PERKINS - -I could go on settin’ ’ere if I knew it was there all the time. I think -I could be ’appy. - -MISS PERKINS - -You’d never be safe. - -MRS PERKINS - -Safe! I’ve bin too safe. - -MR PERKINS - -Oh, missis! Oh, missis! - -MISS PERKINS - -It’s strange nobody’s come. - -MRS PERKINS - -Nobody’s comin’. It’s a gift. - -MR PERKINS - -It may not be--what y’ think. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Fiercely._) It is. - -MR PERKINS - -Then they’ll be after us. Police--or worse. - -MRS PERKINS - -Let ’em come. - -[_There is a ring at the door-bell. They all stand tense._ - -MR PERKINS - -Now, there. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, dear! - -MRS PERKINS - -You’ll not say a word. You’ll do as I tell you. Mind that. We know -nothing. - -MISS PERKINS - -There’s the window. - -MRS PERKINS - -Leave that to me. - -MR PERKINS - -Oh! But, I say---- - -MRS PERKINS - -Thomas Perkins, you’ll rue it to your dyin’ day if---- - -[_The ring again._ - -MR PERKINS - -Who’s goin’? - -MRS PERKINS - -I am. Remember! - -[_She goes out._ - -MISS PERKINS - -What are we to do, Pa? - -MR PERKINS - -Eh! I’m beat. - -MISS PERKINS - -Shall we throw it out of the window? - -MR PERKINS - -No, no. Best not. Humour her a bit. It may be nothin’. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Outside._) No, you don’t. ’Ere. I tell yer---- - -STRANGER - -Excuse me. - -MRS PERKINS - -Pa, ’ere’s a man forcin’ ’is way---- - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, dear! - -MR PERKINS - -Dash it all! I say! - -[_Mrs Perkins and a dark Stranger, dressed in black, enter together. -She is resisting his advance, but he presses on ruthlessly. As he enters -she gives way and changes her tactics._ - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, I must say! Pushin’ a lady about like that! What bis’ness ’ave y’ -’ere? - -STRANGER - -I’ve told you, madam. - -MRS PERKINS - -A fine tale! Y’r boy an’ ’is glass marble! Where is ’e? I tell yer we -know nothin’ about it. Do we, Pa? - -[_Behind the Stranger, with a terrific frown, she shakes her fist at -him._ - -MR PERKINS - -(_Feebly blustering_.) Now what’s all this? - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! - -MRS PERKINS - -Shut up! - -STRANGER - -I’m sorry to intrude, sir, but I’ve lost something in your room. - -MRS PERKINS - -What nonsense! ’Ow could yer? - -STRANGER - -As I have told this lady, my little boy---- - -MRS PERKINS - -Where is ’e? - -STRANGER - -(_To Mr Perkins_.) His favourite glass marble. He pretended to -throw it. It slipped from his hand and, I am sorry to say, went through -your window. I apologise and shall be glad to pay. Please give me -the--marble at once. Where is it? I’ve no time to lose. - -MRS PERKINS - -Where’s the boy? - -STRANGER - -He’s just round the corner. - -MRS PERKINS - -D’ y’ expect us to believe that tale? - -STRANGER - -(_With a flash of menace._) You’d better. (_To Mr Perkins_.) -Now, sir! - -MR PERKINS - -It’s a bit thick, y’ know; I mean thin. - -STRANGER - -It will have to do. No trifling. Come! - -[_He is looking about the room, having cursorily glanced at the floor. -He strides to the window and pulls down the blind._ - -MRS PERKINS - -None o’ y’r liberties here. Get out! - -MR PERKINS - -’Ere, y’ know! _(Aside to Mrs Perkins_.) Ma, I don’t like it. - -STRANGER - -The devil! Where’s the glass? - -MRS PERKINS - -What glass? - -STRANGER - -The pane’s gone. You see! I knew this was the house. - -MRS PERKINS - -That’s easy explained. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! Tell him and---- - -MRS PERKINS - -Of course I’ll tell ’im. (_She menaces Miss Perkins surreptitiously_.) -It’s my daughter’s newfangled ideas of ventilation. She would ’ave it -so. It’s been that way a fortnight. No--let’s see--to-day’s Tuesday. -Nigh on a month. - -STRANGER - -Damnation! Where is it? Where’s the diamond? - -MRS PERKINS - -(_With a shriek of exultation._) The diamond! - -STRANGER - -Yes, let me tell you then. Your lives are in danger. You’ve got the -Grand Cham’s diamond. - -MR PERKINS - -’Ow did it get ’ere? - -STRANGER - -The thief was pursued. He threw it in. - -MR PERKINS - -(_Querulously._) Why did ’e throw it in ’ere? - -STRANGER - -Don’t be a fool. - -MRS PERKINS - -An’ ’oo are you? - -STRANGER - -I am--the Grand Cham’s representative. - -MRS PERKINS - -Prove it. - -STRANGER - -Enough of this. - -[_He draws a revolver. Miss Perkins shrieks. Mr Perkins recoils and -edges away. Mrs Perkins stands firm._ - -MR PERKINS - -Ma! Ma! - -STRANGER - -(_Rapping the butt of the revolver on the table._) Where is it? - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ll tell yer. - -STRANGER - -At once. - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ve swallered it. - -STRANGER - -(_Greatly discomposed._) What! - -MRS PERKINS - -It went down as easy as a oyster. - -STRANGER - -Swallowed it! You’re joking! - -MRS PERKINS - -No. I got the idea out of the evenin’ paper. Where is it, Pa? ’Ere. -“Child swallows Shillin’. Curious Case.” - -STRANGER - -(_To the others_.) Is this true? - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, I don’t know. - -MR PERKINS - -Y’ see, I was asleep. - -STRANGER - -Asleep! - -MR PERKINS - -Wasn’t I, Mother? - -MRS PERKINS - -’E’d sleep through anythin’. - -STRANGER - -D’ you mean to say----? Where is it? - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ve just told yer. - -STRANGER - -On your oath---- - -MRS PERKINS - -Oath! D’ y’ doubt the word of a lady? - -STRANGER - -Then--d’ you feel it--I mean--whereabouts is it now? - -MRS PERKINS - -I don’t think that’s a question a gentleman ’d ask. - -STRANGER - -Kites of hell! You’ll have to be cut open. - -MRS PERKINS - -Nay, I won’t. - -STRANGER - -(_To himself._) Cremation? Would it melt the diamond? - -MRS PERKINS - -I won’t be cremated. There! Y’ ’ve to get the deceased’s consent. I’m -goin’ to be buried when my time comes. - -STRANGER - -(_Pacing about in agitation while Mrs Perkins controls the others by -nods and winks._) What’s to be done? An emetic? - -MRS PERKINS - -You’d better go ’ome an’ say it’s lost. - -STRANGER - -Unhappy woman! Do you understand that your life is a trifle, a pawn in -the game? - -MRS PERKINS - -Pawn! Yes, an’ y’ can’t get it out without the ticket. - -STRANGER - -It’s impossible. It can’t be. (_He turns on the others._) The -truth! Did she swallow it? If she did, she dies. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, no, no. She didn’t. - -MRS PERKINS - -You silly! - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! - -MR PERKINS - -Ma, Ma, what can we do? - -MRS PERKINS - -Y can ’old y’r tongues. Y’re no ’elp at all. - -STRANGER - -What folly this is! What can you do with it? That diamond means death to -you. Death! Destruction! You haven’t a chance of keeping it. You’re mad. -Your lives now are not worth a minute’s purchase. - -MISS PERKINS - -Give it up, Ma. I’ll tell you where it is. It’s---- - -MRS PERKINS - -(_In a terrible voice._) Stop! - -MR PERKINS - -What can you do, Ma? Chuck it! Chuck it! - -MRS PERKINS - -’E don’t bluff me. ’E’s in a great ’urry. I believe ’e’s the thief. - -STRANGER - -Thousand devils! We’re wasting time. (_He looks at the clock and then -plucks out his watch._) Your clock’s slow. It’s stopped. It was that -time when I came in. - -MISS PERKINS - -Tell him. Tell him. - -MR PERKINS - -Oh, chuck it! - -STRANGER - -(_Perceiving that he is getting “warm.”_) What stopped the -clock? - -MISS PERKINS - -(_Hysterically._) Give it ’im. - -MRS PERKINS - -Polly, I’m ashamed of yer. - -[_A face appears at the window, but they do not see it._ - -STRANGER - -Is it there? - -[_He makes for the clock, and Mrs Perkins throws herself in front._ - -MRS PERKINS - -No, it’s not; and y’ shan’t meddle with my furniture. - -STRANGER - -(_Pointing the revolver at her_.) Move aside! - -MRS PERKINS - -Move aside yerself. - -STRANGER - -(_He hesitates, then turns the revolver on Miss Perkins._) Is it -there? Quick! - -[_Miss Perkins shrieks, a hand with a revolver in it is thrust through -the empty pane, the revolver is fired, the Stranger drops his, stamps, -curses, and wrings his hands. A man opens the window-sash and springs -into the room._ - -MISS PERKINS - -Albert! - -MRS PERKINS - -What! It’s Albert. - -[_The Stranger rushes to the switch and turns off the light. Darkness, -shouting, and confusion. The light is turned on. The furniture is -disarranged, the Stranger and the clock have gone, the others are -distributed about the room, Mrs Perkins sitting in the chair she first -occupied._ - -ALBERT - -Who’s got it? - -MR PERKINS - -He’s gone. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh! Albert! - -ALBERT - -Where’s the diamond? - -MR PERKINS - -It was in the clock. - -ALBERT - -The clock? Where is it? - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh! Albert! - -MR PERKINS - -’E’s taken it. ’E’s got the clock. - -MRS PERKINS - -Nay, ’e ’asn’t. - -[_She produces the clock from under her petticoats._ - -MR PERKINS - -Well, I’m blowed! - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Ma! - -ALBERT - -What is it? Have you got it? - -MRS PERKINS - -I’ve got it right enough. - -[_She carries the clock to the chimneypiece, opens it, and takes out -the diamond._ - -Will that gentleman come back? - -ALBERT - -No, he won’t. - -MRS PERKINS - -How d’ y’ know? - -ALBERT - -I know. - -MRS PERKINS - -Polly, just put that blind back, will yer? I don’t like bein’ too -public. - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh! I daren’t. - -ALBERT - -Now, ma’am, give it to me. - -MRS PERKINS - -Eh? - -ALBERT - -Let’s have it. Quick. - -MRS PERKINS - -Where d’ you come in, Albert? - -ALBERT - -Come on. This’ll be the making o’ me. - -MRS PERKINS - -O’ me too, I ’ope. But ’adn’t we all better be movin’? - -MISS PERKINS - -Where to, Ma? - -MRS PERKINS - -Out at the back door. Pack a few things in a bag. - -ALBERT - -What are y’ up to? Whad’ y’r mean? - -MRS PERKINS - -Now, Albert, there’s no time to make explanations. We’re all in at this, -aren’t we? - -ALBERT - -Well--in a way. But look here---- - -MRS PERKINS - -South America’s the place, isn’t it? D’ y’ know anythin’ o’ the -sailin’s! Or ’ad we better cross to France? Better take the midnight -train somewhere. - -ALBERT - -Has she gone dotty? - -MRS PERKINS - -Y’re all asleep. Come on, Polly. A few things in a bag. Now, Pa. Better -put this light out p’raps. Is the front door shut? Look at the -time-table, Pa. - -[_She is making for the door when Albert intercepts her._ - -ALBERT - -Give me the diamond. I dunno what y’re talkin’ about. - -MRS PERKINS - -Nay, I stick to this. - -ALBERT - -You can’t! What nonsense! Give it here! This job’s the making o’ me. -Let’s have it. - -MRS PERKINS - -Nay, it’s mine an’ I’ll stick to it. - -ALBERT - -Yours! - -MRS PERKINS - -Yes. Dimonds like this belongs to them as can get ’em. Nobody’s honest -with things like this. I got it an’ y’ shall all share. But it’s mine. -It’s mine. Eh! It’s a beauty. I’d stick to this if all the p’lice in -London was after me. - -ALBERT - -Y’d do what? - -MRS PERKINS - -Ay, an’ Scotland Yard too. - -ALBERT - -Bah! _I_’m Scotland Yard. - -MRS PERKINS - -What! - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh! Albert! - -ALBERT - -Didn’t y’ know? Didn’t y’ guess? Didn’t y’ understand? What did y’ take -me for? - -MRS PERKINS - -D’y mean to say----? - -ALBERT - -I mean t’ say it’s ’igh time I was on my way back with this dimond. The -gang’s all rounded up by this time. - -MISS PERKINS - -The gang? - -MR PERKINS - -That feller was one of ’em, then? Where is he? - -ALBERT - -He was copped when he left ’ere. Y’ didn’t know y’r ’ouse was -surrounded. - -MRS PERKINS - -But ’ow did the dimond come ’ere? ’Oo threw it in? - -ALBERT - -I did. - -MISS PERKINS - -You! - -MR PERKINS - -You did! - -ALBERT - -I did that. - -MR PERKINS - -Why? - -ALBERT - -Becos they were after me. I was a dead man if I stuck to it then. I -threw it in ’ere to gain time and knowin’ the ’ouse. - -MISS PERKINS - -Well, I never! - -ALBERT - -They’re a desp’rate lot. - -MR PERKINS - -It’s all most unusual. Never since I’ve been an ’ouse’older ’ave I---- - -MISS PERKINS - -Oh, Albert! You might ’ave told me. - -ALBERT - -I ’ad my reasons. - -MRS PERKINS - -Y’re a detective, then? - -ALBERT - -I am that. So let’s ’ave it. I tell yer I must be off. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Holding up the diamond, but away from him._) Look at it, Albert! - -ALBERT - -I see it. - -MRS PERKINS - -Can y’ be honest? Look at it! - -ALBERT - -She’s off ’er chump. - -MR PERKINS - -She doesn’t reelly mean it. I’ve borne a ’igh character all my life. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Passionately._) It’s _my_ dimond. - -MISS PERKINS - -I’m ashamed of my ma. - -MR PERKINS - -My employers ’as always put the utmost confidence in me. - -ALBERT - -What’s she up to? Now ma’am, you’ll just ’and that over or---- - -MRS PERKINS - -Or? - -ALBERT - -(_He produces a whistle._) I wouldn’t ’andle yer myself. - -MRS PERKINS - -That’s it, is it? - -ALBERT - -That’s it. - -MRS PERKINS - -Then let it go the way it came. - -[_She throws it through the window._ - -MR PERKINS - -’Old on. There’s another pane gone! - -ALBERT - -O ’ell! - -[_He rushes out._ - -MISS PERKINS - -You’ll ruin us, Ma. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_Dusting one hand against the other._) A good shuttance. - -MISS PERKINS - -(_At the window._) Oh! I hope he’ll find it. There he is, and a -policeman’s with him. They’ve got it, I think. Yes. Albert, Albert! I -wish he’d look up. They’re seeing if it’s damaged. There! He’s waved his -hand. - -MRS PERKINS - -(_She has settled into her chair_.) Well, we’ve ’ad quite a busy -evenin’. - -MISS PERKINS - -I don’t know what Albert’ll think of you. - -MRS PERKINS - -’E’s not going to marry me, thank ’eaven. - -MR PERKINS - -D’ y’ want t’ know what _I_ think of yer? - -MRS PERKINS - -Go on! Y’ve no ’magernation. - -MISS PERKINS - -I never thought to be ashamed of my own mother. - -MR PERKINS - -Wantin’ in the very el’ments of morality. I wonder ’ow Sossiety ’d get -on if they was all like you. - -MRS PERKINS - -Polly, put up that blind. It’s a bit chilly with them broken panes. - -MISS PERKINS - -Most unladylike as well. - -[_They settle down into their chairs again. Mrs Perkins takes up her -darning and Mr Perkins the paper. After putting up the blind Miss -Perkins returns to her puzzle._ - -MRS PERKINS - -’Ow much did y’ say it was worth, Pa? - -MR PERKINS - -(_Gruffly._) Never mind. - -MRS PERKINS - -Well, I ’ad my bit o’ fun for onct. - -CURTAIN - - - - -Transcriber’s Note - - -This transcription is based on the 1924 edition published by Gowans -& Gray in London and Glasgow. Scanned images of a copy made available by -the Bodleian Library are posted by Google: - -https://books.google.com/books?id=B2MVAAAAQAAJ - -The following changes were made to the printed text: - ---The formatting of stage directions following lines—that is, those -that begin with an opening square bracket—has been standardized. - ---Pg 34: _As he enters she gives way and changes her tactics_—Added -a period to the end of the sentence. - ---Pg 37: Prove it—Added a period to the end of the line. - - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GRAND CHAM'S DIAMOND *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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