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diff --git a/6438.txt b/6438.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c34ca77 --- /dev/null +++ b/6438.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1732 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Fables for the Frivolous, by Guy Whitmore Carryl + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fables for the Frivolous + +Author: Guy Whitmore Carryl + +Posting Date: January 27, 2009 [EBook #6438] +Release Date: September, 2004 +First posted: December 14, 2002 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS *** + + + + +Produced by Steve Schulze, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. The scans for this book are +from the Michigan State University Online Digital Collection +http://digital.lib.msu.edu/onlinecolls/collection.cfm?CID=3 + + + + + + + + + + +FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS + +_(With Apologies to La Fontaine)_ + +By GUY WETMORE CARRYL + +With Illustrations by Peter Newell + + +1898 + + + + +FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS + + +TO MY FATHER + + + + + +NOTE: +I have pleasure in acknowledging the courteous permission +the editors to reprint in this form such of the following fables +were originally published in Harper's periodicals, in _Life_, +and _Munsey's Magazine_. + +G. W. C. + + + + + + CONTENTS + +THE AMBITIOUS FOX AND THE UNAPPROACHABLE GRAPES + +THE PERSEVERING TORTOISE AND THE PRETENTIOUS HARE + +THE PATRICIAN PEACOCKS AND THE OVERWEENING JAY + +THE ARROGANT FROG AND THE SUPERIOR BULL + +THE DOMINEERING EAGLE AND THE INVENTIVE BRATLING + +THE ICONOCLASTIC RUSTIC AND THE APROPOS ACORN + +THE UNUSUAL GOOSE AND THE IMBECILIC WOODCUTTER + +THE RUDE RAT AND THE UNOSTENTATIOUS OYSTER + +THE URBAN RAT AND THE SUBURBAN RAT + +THE IMPECUNIOUS CRICKET AND THE FRUGAL ANT + +THE PAMPERED LAPDOG AND THE MISGUIDED ASS + +THE VAINGLORIOUS OAK AND THE MODEST BULRUSH + +THE INHUMAN WOLF AND THE LAMB SANS GENE + +THE SYCOPHANTIC FOX AND THE GULLIBLE RAVEN + +THE MICROSCOPIC TROUT AND THE MACHIAVELIAN FISHERMAN + +THE CONFIDING PEASANT AND THE MALADROIT BEAR + +THE PRECIPITATE COCK AND THE UNAPPRECIATED PEARL + +THE ABBREVIATED FOX AND HIS SCEPTICAL COMRADES + +THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN AND THE THANKLESS VIPER + +THE IMPETUOUS BREEZE AND THE DIPLOMATIC SUN + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +"THE FOX RETREATED OUT OF RANGE" + +"HE STROVE TO GROW ROTUNDER" + +"AN ACORN FELL ABRUPTLY" + +"SAID SHE, 'GET UP, YOU BRUTE YOU!'" + +"'_J'ADMIRE_,' SAID HE, '_TON BEAU PLUMAGE'_" + +"AND SO A WEIGHTY ROCK SHE AIMED" + + + + + + + + THE AMBITIOUS FOX + + AND + + THE UNAPPROACHABLE GRAPES + + A farmer built around his crop + A wall, and crowned his labors + By placing glass upon the top + To lacerate his neighbors, + Provided they at any time + Should feel disposed the wall to climb. + + He also drove some iron pegs + Securely in the coping, + To tear the bare, defenceless legs + Of brats who, upward groping, + Might steal, despite the risk of fall, + The grapes that grew upon the wall. + + One day a fox, on thieving bent, + A crafty and an old one, + Most shrewdly tracked the pungent scent + That eloquently told one + That grapes were ripe and grapes were good + And likewise in the neighborhood. + + He threw some stones of divers shapes + The luscious fruit to jar off: + It made him ill to see the grapes + So near and yet so far off. + His throws were strong, his aim was fine, + But "Never touched me!" said the vine. + + The farmer shouted, "Drat the boys!" + And, mounting on a ladder, + He sought the cause of all the noise; + No farmer could be madder, + Which was not hard to understand + Because the glass had cut his hand. + + His passion he could not restrain, + But shouted out, "You're thievish!" + The fox replied, with fine disdain, + "Come, country, don't be peevish." + (Now "country" is an epithet + One can't forgive, nor yet forget.) + + The farmer rudely answered back + With compliments unvarnished, + And downward hurled the _bric-a-brac_ + With which the wall was garnished, + In view of which demeanor strange, + The fox retreated out of range. + + "I will not try the grapes to-day," + He said. "My appetite is + Fastidious, and, anyway, + I fear appendicitis." + (The fox was one of the _elite_ + Who call it _site_ instead of _seet_.) + + The moral is that if your host + Throws glass around his entry + You know it isn't done by most + Who claim to be the gentry, + While if he hits you in the head + You may be sure he's underbred. + + + + + + THE PERSEVERING TORTOISE + + AND + + THE PRETENTIOUS HARE + + Once a turtle, finding plenty + In seclusion to bewitch, + Lived a _dolce far niente_ + Kind of life within a ditch; + Rivers had no charm for him, + As he told his wife and daughter, + "Though my friends are in the swim, + Mud is thicker far than water." + + One fine day, as was his habit, + He was dozing in the sun, + When a young and flippant rabbit + Happened by the ditch to run: + "Come and race me," he exclaimed, + "Fat inhabitant of puddles. + Sluggard! You should be ashamed. + Such a life the brain befuddles." + + This, of course, was banter merely, + But it stirred the torpid blood + Of the turtle, and severely + Forth he issued from the mud. + "Done!" he cried. The race began, + But the hare resumed his banter, + Seeing how his rival ran + In a most unlovely canter. + + Shouting, "Terrapin, you're bested! + You'd be wiser, dear old chap, + If you sat you down and rested + When you reach the second lap." + Quoth the turtle, "I refuse. + As for you, with all your talking, + Sit on any lap you choose. + _I_ shall simply go on walking." + + Now this sporting proposition + Was, upon its face, absurd; + Yet the hare, with expedition, + Took the tortoise at his word, + Ran until the final lap, + Then, supposing he'd outclassed him, + Laid him down and took a nap + And the patient turtle passed him! + + Plodding on, he shortly made the + Line that marked the victor's goal; + Paused, and found he'd won, and laid the + Flattering unction to his soul. + Then in fashion grandiose, + Like an after-dinner speaker, + Touched his flipper to his nose, + And remarked, "Ahem! Eureka!" + + And THE MORAL (lest you miss one) + Is: There's often time to spare, + And that races are (like this one) + Won not always by a hair. + + + + THE PATRICIAN PEACOCKS + + AND + + THE OVERWEENING JAY + + Once a flock of stately peacocks + Promenaded on a green, + There were twenty-two or three cocks, + Each as proud as seventeen, + And a glance, however hasty, + Showed their plumage to be tasty; + Wheresoever one was placed, he + Was a credit to the scene. + + Now their owner had a daughter + Who, when people came to call, + Used to say, "You'd reelly oughter + See them peacocks on the mall." + Now this wasn't to her credit, + And her callers came to dread it, + For the way the lady said it + Wasn't _recherche_ at all. + + But a jay that overheard it + From his perch upon a fir + Didn't take in how absurd it + Was to every one but her; + When they answered, "You don't tell us!" + And to see the birds seemed zealous + He became extremely jealous, + Wishing, too, to make a stir. + + As the peacocks fed together + He would join them at their lunch, + Culling here and there a feather + Till he'd gathered quite a bunch; + Then this bird, of ways perfidious, + Stuck them on him most fastidious + Till he looked uncommon hideous, + Like a Judy or a Punch. + + But the peacocks, when they saw him, + One and all began to haul, + And to harry and to claw him + Till the creature couldn't crawl; + While their owner's vulgar daughter, + When her startled callers sought her, + And to see the struggle brought her, + Only said, "They're on the maul." + + It was really quite revolting + When the tumult died away, + One would think he had been moulting + So dishevelled was the jay; + He was more than merely slighted, + He was more than disunited, + He'd been simply dynamited + In the fervor of the fray. + + And THE MORAL of the verses + Is: That short men can't be tall. + Nothing sillier or worse is + Than a jay upon a mall. + And the jay opiniative + Who, because he's imitative, + Thinks he's highly decorative + Is the biggest jay of all. + + + + + THE ARROGANT FROG + + AND + + THE SUPERIOR BULL + + Once, on a time and in a place + Conducive to malaria, + There lived a member of the race + Of _Rana Temporaria_; + Or, more concisely still, a frog + Inhabited a certain bog. + + A bull of Brobdingnagian size, + Too proud for condescension, + One morning chanced to cast his eyes + Upon the frog I mention; + And, being to the manner born, + Surveyed him with a lofty scorn. + + Perceiving this, the bactrian's frame + With anger was inflated, + Till, growing larger, he became + Egregiously elated; + For inspiration's sudden spell + Had pointed out a way to swell. + + "Ha! ha!" he proudly cried, "a fig + For this, your mammoth torso! + Just watch me while I grow as big + As you--or even more so!" + To which magniloquential gush + His bullship simply answered "Tush!" + + Alas! the frog's success was slight, + Which really was a wonder, + In view of how with main and might + He strove to grow rotunder! + And, standing patiently the while, + The bull displayed a quiet smile. + +[Illustration: "HE STROVE TO GROW ROTUNDER"] + + But ah, the frog tried once too oft + And, doing so, he busted; + Whereat the bull discreetly coughed + And moved away, disgusted, + As well he might, considering + The wretched taste that marked the thing. + + THE MORAL: Everybody knows + How ill a wind it is that blows. + + + + + THE DOMINEERING EAGLE + + AND + + THE INVENTIVE BRATLING + + O'er a small suburban borough + Once an eagle used to fly, + Making observations thorough + From his station in the sky, + And presenting the appearance + Of an animated V, + Like the gulls that lend coherence + Unto paintings of the sea. + + Looking downward at a church in + This attractive little shire, + He beheld a smallish urchin + Shooting arrows at the spire; + In a spirit of derision, + "Look alive!" the eagle said; + And, with infinite precision, + Dropped a feather on his head. + + Then the boy, annoyed distinctly + By the freedom of the bird, + Voiced his anger quite succinctly + In a single scathing word; + And he sat him on a barrow, + And he fashioned of this same + Eagle's feather such an arrow + As was worthy of the name. + + Then he tried his bow, and, stringing + It with caution and with care, + Sent that arrow singing, winging + Towards the eagle in the air. + Straight it went, without an error, + And the target, bathed in blood, + Lurched, and lunged, and fell to _terra + Firma_, landing with a thud. + + "Bird of freedom," quoth the urchin, + With an unrelenting frown, + "You shall decorate a perch in + The menagerie in town; + But of feathers quite a cluster + I shall first remove for Ma: + Thanks to you, she'll have a duster + For her precious _objets d'art_." + + And THE MORAL is that pride is + The precursor of a fall. + Those beneath you to deride is + Not expedient at all. + Howsoever meek and humble + Your inferiors may be, + They perchance may make you tumble, + So respect them. Q. E. D. + + + + + THE ICONOCLASTIC RUSTIC + + AND + + THE APROPOS ACORN + + Reposing 'neath some spreading trees, + A populistic bumpkin + Amused himself by offering these + Reflections on a pumpkin: + "I would not, if the choice were mine, + Grow things like that upon a vine, + For how imposing it would be + If pumpkins grew upon a tree." + + Like other populists, you'll note, + Of views enthusiastic, + He'd learned by heart, and said by rote + A creed iconoclastic; + And in his dim, uncertain sight + Whatever wasn't must be right, + From which it follows he had strong + Convictions that what was, was wrong. + + As thus he sat beneath an oak + An acorn fell abruptly + And smote his nose: whereat he spoke + Of acorns most corruptly. + "Great Scott!" he cried. "The Dickens!" too, + And other authors whom he knew, + And having duly mentioned those, + He expeditiously arose. + + Then, though with pain he nearly swooned, + He bathed his organ nasal + With arnica, and soothed the wound + With extract of witch hazel; + And surely we may well excuse + The victim if he changed his views: + "If pumpkins fell from trees like that," + He murmured, "Where would I be at?" + + Of course it's wholly clear to you + That when these words he uttered + He proved conclusively he knew + Which side his bread was buttered; + And, if this point you have not missed, + You'll learn to love this populist, + The only one of all his kind + With sense enough to change his mind. + + THE MORAL: In the early spring + A pumpkin-tree would be a thing + Most gratifying to us all, + But how about the early fall? + + + + + THE UNUSUAL GOOSE + + AND + + THE IMBECILIC WOODCUTTER + + A woodcutter bought him a gander, + Or at least that was what he supposed, + As a matter of fact, 'twas a slander + As a later occurrence disclosed; + For they locked the bird up in the garret + To fatten, the while it grew old, + And it laid there a twenty-two carat + Fine egg of the purest of gold! + + There was much unaffected rejoicing + In the home of the woodcutter then, + And his wife, her exuberance voicing, + Proclaimed him most lucky of men. + "'Tis an omen of fortune, this gold egg," + She said, "and of practical use, + For this fowl doesn't lay any old egg, + She's a highly superior goose." + + Twas this creature's habitual custom, + This laying of superfine eggs, + And they made it their practice to dust 'em + And pack them by dozens in kegs: + But the woodcutter's mind being vapid + And his foolishness more than profuse, + In order to get them more rapid + He slaughtered the innocent goose. + + He made her a gruel of acid + Which she very obligingly ate, + And at once with a touchingly placid + Demeanor succumbed to her fate. + With affection that passed the platonic + They buried her under the moss, + And her epitaph wasn't ironic + In stating, "We mourn for our loss." + + And THE MORAL: It isn't much use, + As the woodcutter found to be true, + To lay for an innocent goose + Just because she is laying for you. + + + + + THE RUDE RAT + + AND + + THE UNOSTENTATIOUS OYSTER + + Upon the shore, a mile or more + From traffic and confusion, + An oyster dwelt, because he felt + A longing for seclusion; + Said he: "I love the stillness of + This spot. It's like a cloister." + (These words I quote because, you note, + They rhyme so well with oyster.) + + A prying rat, believing that + She needed change of diet, + In search of such disturbed this much- + To-be-desired quiet. + To say the least, this tactless beast + Was apt to rudely roister: + She tapped his shell, and called him--well, + A name that hurt the oyster. + + "I see," she cried, "you're open wide, + And, searching for a reason, + September's here, and so it's clear + That oysters are in season." + She smiled a smile that showed this style + Of badinage rejoiced her, + Advanced a pace with easy grace, + And _sniffed_ the silent oyster. + + The latter's pride was sorely tried, + He thought of what he _could _say, + Reflected what the common lot + Of vulgar molluscs _would_ say; + Then caught his breath, grew pale as death, + And, as his brow turned moister, + Began to close, and nipped her nose! + Superb, dramatic oyster! + + We note with joy that oi polloi, + Whom maidens bite the thumb at, + Are apt to try some weak reply + To things they should be dumb at. + THE MORAL, then, for crafty men + Is: When a maid has voiced her + Contemptuous heart, don't think you're smart, + But shut up--like the oyster. + + + + + THE URBAN RAT + + AND + + THE SUBURBAN RAT + + A metropolitan rat invited + His country cousin in town to dine: + The country cousin replied, "Delighted." + And signed himself, "Sincerely thine." + The town rat treated the country cousin + To half a dozen + Kinds of wine. + + He served him terrapin, kidneys devilled, + And roasted partridge, and candied fruit; + In Little Neck Clams at first they revelled, + And then in Pommery, _sec_ and _brut_; + The country cousin exclaimed: "Such feeding + Proclaims your breeding + Beyond dispute!" + + But just as, another bottle broaching, + They came to chicken _en casserole_ + A ravenous cat was heard approaching, + And, passing his guest a finger-bowl, + The town rat murmured, "The feast is ended." + And then descended + The nearest hole. + + His cousin followed him, helter-skelter, + And, pausing beneath the pantry floor, + He glanced around at their dusty shelter + And muttered, "This is a beastly bore. + My place as an epicure resigning, + I'll try this dining + In town no more. + + "You must dine some night at my rustic cottage; + I'll warn you now that it's simple fare: + A radish or two, a bowl of pottage, + And the wine that's known as _ordinaire_, + But for holes I haven't to make a bee-line, + No prowling feline + Molests me there. + + "You smile at the lot of a mere commuter, + You think that my life is hard, mayhap, + But I'm sure than you I am far acuter: + I ain't afraid of no cat nor trap." + The city rat could but meekly stammer, + "Don't use such grammar, + My worthy chap." + + He dined next night with his poor relation, + And caught dyspepsia, and lost his train, + He waited an hour in the lonely station, + And said some things that were quite profane. + "I'll never," he cried, in tones complaining, + "Try entertaining + That rat again." + + It's easy to make a memorandum + About THE MORAL these verses teach: + _De gustibus non est disputandum;_ + The meaning of which Etruscan speech + Is wheresoever you're hunger quelling + Pray keep your dwelling + In easy reach. + + + + + THE IMPECUNIOUS CRICKET + + AND + + THE FRUGAL ANT + + There was an ant, a spinster ant, + Whose virtues were so many + That she became intolerant + Of those who hadn't any: + She had a small and frugal mind + And lived a life ascetic, + Nor was her temperament the kind + That's known as sympathetic. + + I skip details. Suffice to say + That, knocking at her wicket, + There chanced to come one autumn day + A common garden cricket + So ragged, poor, and needy that, + Without elucidation, + One saw the symptoms of a bat + Of several months' duration. + + He paused beside her door-step, and, + With one pathetic gesture, + He called attention with his hand + To both his shoes and vesture. + "I joined," said he, "an opera troupe. + They suddenly disbanded, + And left me on the hostel stoop, + Lugubriously stranded. + + "I therefore lay aside my pride + And frankly ask for clothing." + "Begone!" the frugal ant replied. + "I look on you with loathing. + Your muddy shoes have spoiled the lawn, + Your hands have soiled the fence, too. + If you need money, go and pawn + Your watch--if you have sense to." + + THE MORAL is: Albeit lots + Of people follow Dr. Watts, + The sluggard, when his means are scant, + Should seek an uncle, not an ant! + + + + + THE PAMPERED LAPDOG + + AND + + THE MISGUIDED ASS + + A woolly little terrier pup + Gave vent to yelps distressing, + Whereat his mistress took him up + And soothed him with caressing, + And yet he was not in the least + What one would call a handsome beast. + + He might have been a Javanese, + He might have been a Jap dog, + And also neither one of these, + But just a common lapdog, + The kind that people send, you know, + Done up in cotton, to the Show. + + At all events, whate'er his race, + The pretty girl who owned him + Caressed his unattractive face + And petted and cologned him, + While, watching her with mournful eye, + A patient ass stood silent by. + + "If thus," he mused, "the feminine + And fascinating gender + Is led to love, I, too, can win + Her protestations tender." + And then the poor, misguided chap + Sat down upon the lady's lap. + + Then, as her head with terror swam, + "This method seems to suit you," + Observed the ass, "so here I am." + Said she, "Get up, you brute you!" + And promptly screamed aloud for aid: + No ass was ever more dismayed. + +[Illustration: "SAID SHE, 'GET UP, YOU BRUTE YOU!'"] + + They took the ass into the yard + And there, with whip and truncheon, + They beat him, and they beat him hard, + From breakfast-time till luncheon. + He only gave a tearful gulp, + Though almost pounded to a pulp. + + THE MORAL is (or seems, at least, + To be): In etiquette you + Will find that while enough's a feast + A surplus will upset you. + _Toujours, toujours la politesse_, if + The quantity be not excessive. + + + + + + THE VAINGLORIOUS OAK + + AND + + THE MODEST BULRUSH + + A bulrush stood on a river's rim, + And an oak that grew near by + Looked down with cold _hauteur_ on him, + And addressed him this way: "Hi!" + The rush was a proud patrician, and + He retorted, "Don't you know, + What the veriest boor should understand, + That 'Hi' is low?" + + This cutting rebuke the oak ignored. + He returned, "My slender friend, + I will frankly state that I'm somewhat bored + With the way you bow and bend." + "But you quite forget," the rush replied, + "It's an art these bows to do, + An art I wouldn't attempt if I'd + Such boughs as you." + + "Of course," said the oak, "in my sapling days + My habit it was to bow, + But the wildest storm that the winds could raise + Would never disturb me now. + I challenge the breeze to make me bend, + And the blast to make me sway." + The shrewd little bulrush answered, "Friend, + Don't get so gay." + + And the words had barely left his mouth + When he saw the oak turn pale, + For, racing along south-east-by-south, + Came ripping a raging gale. + And the rush bent low as the storm went past, + But stiffly stood the oak, + Though not for long, for he found the blast + No idle joke. + + * * * * * * * * + + Imagine the lightning's gleaming bars, + Imagine the thunder's roar, + For that is exactly what eight stars + Are set in a row here for! + The oak lay prone when the storm was done, + While the rush, still quite erect, + Remarked aside, "What under the sun + Could one expect?" + + And THE MORAL, I'd have you understand, + Would have made La Fontaine blush, + For it's this: Some storms come early, and + Avoid the rush! + + + + + THE INHUMAN WOLF + + AND + + THE LAMB SANS GENE + + A gaunt and relentless wolf, possessed + Of a quite insatiable thirst, + Once paused at a stream to drink and rest, + And found that, bound on a similar quest, + A lamb had arrived there first. + + The lamb was a lamb of a garrulous mind + And frivolity most extreme: + In the fashion common to all his kind, + He cantered in front and galloped behind. + And troubled the limpid stream. + + "My friend," said the wolf, with a winsome air, + "Your capers I can't admire." + "Go to!" quoth the lamb. (Though he said not where, + He showed what he meant by his brazen stare + And the way that he gambolled higher.) + + "My capers," he cried, "are the kind that are + Invariably served with lamb. + Remember, this is a public bar, + And I'll do as I please. If your drink I mar, + I don't give a tinker's ----." + + He paused and glanced at the rivulet, + And that pause than speech was worse, + For his roving eye a saw-mill met, + And, near it, the word which should be set + At the end of the previous verse. + + Said the wolf: "You are tough and may bring remorse, + But of such is the world well rid. + I've swallowed your capers, I've swallowed your sauce, + And it's plain to be seen that my only course + Is swallowing you." He did. + + THE MORAL: The wisest lambs they are + Who, when they're assailed by thirst, + Keep well away from a public bar; + For of all black sheep, or near, or far, + The public bar-lamb's worst! + + + + + THE SYCOPHANTIC FOX + + AND + + THE GULLIBLE RAVEN + + A raven sat upon a tree, + And not a word he spoke, for + His beak contained a piece of Brie, + Or, maybe, it was Roquefort: + We'll make it any kind you please-- + At all events, it was a cheese. + + Beneath the tree's umbrageous limb + A hungry fox sat smiling; + He saw the raven watching him, + And spoke in words beguiling. + "_J'admire_," said he, "_ton beau plumage_." + (The which was simply persiflage.) + + Two things there are, no doubt you know, + To which a fox is used: + A rooster that is bound to crow, + A crow that's bound to roost, + And whichsoever he espies + He tells the most unblushing lies. + + "Sweet fowl," he said, "I understand + You're more than merely natty, + I hear you sing to beat the band + And Adelina Patti. + Pray render with your liquid tongue + A bit from 'Gotterdammerung.'" + + This subtle speech was aimed to please + The crow, and it succeeded: + He thought no bird in all the trees + Could sing as well as he did. + In flattery completely doused, + He gave the "Jewel Song" from "Faust." + +[Illustration: "'_J'ADMIRE_,' SAID HE, '_TON BEAU PLUMAGE_'"] + + But gravitation's law, of course, + As Isaac Newton showed it, + Exerted on the cheese its force, + And elsewhere soon bestowed it. + In fact, there is no need to tell + What happened when to earth it fell. + + I blush to add that when the bird + Took in the situation + He said one brief, emphatic word, + Unfit for publication. + The fox was greatly startled, but + He only sighed and answered "Tut." + + THE MORAL is: A fox is bound + To be a shameless sinner. + And also: When the cheese comes round + You know it's after dinner. + But (what is only known to few) + The fox is after dinner, too. + + + + + THE MICROSCOPIC TROUT + + AND + + THE MACHIAVELIAN FISHERMAN + + A fisher was casting his flies in a brook, + According to laws of such sciences, + With a patented reel and a patented hook + And a number of other appliances; + And the thirty-fifth cast, which he vowed was the last + (It was figured as close as a decimal), + Brought suddenly out of the water a trout + Of measurements infinitesimal. + + This fish had a way that would win him a place + In the best and most polished society, + And he looked at the fisherman full in the face + With a visible air of anxiety: + He murmered "Alas!" from his place in the grass, + And then, when he'd twisted and wriggled, he + Remarked in a pet that his heart was upset + And digestion all higgledy-piggledy. + + "I request," he observed, "to be instantly flung + Once again in the pool I've been living in." + The fisherman said, "You will tire out your tongue. + Do you see any signs of my giving in? + Put you back in the pool? Why, you fatuous fool, + I have eaten much smaller and thinner fish. + You're not salmon or sole, but I think, on the whole, + You're a fairly respectable dinner-fish." + + The fisherman's cook tried her hand on the trout + And with various herbs she embellished him; + He was lovely to see, and there isn't a doubt + That the fisherman's family relished him, + And, to prove that they did, both his wife and his kid + Devoured the trout with much eagerness, + Avowing no dish could compare with that fish, + Notwithstanding his singular meagreness. + + And THE MORAL, you'll find, is although it is kind + To grant favors that people are wishing for, + Still a dinner you'll lack if you chance to throw back + In the pool little trout that you're fishing for; + If their pleading you spurn you will certainly learn + That herbs will deliciously vary 'em: + It is needless to state that a trout on a plate + Beats several in the aquarium. + + + + + THE CONFIDING PEASANT + + AND + + THE MALADROIT BEAR + + A peasant had a docile bear, + A bear of manners pleasant, + And all the love she had to spare + She lavished on the peasant: + She proved her deep affection plainly + (The method was a bit ungainly). + + The peasant had to dig and delve, + And, as his class are apt to, + When all the whistles blew at twelve + He ate his lunch, and napped, too, + The bear a careful outlook keeping + The while her master lay a-sleeping. + + As thus the peasant slept one day, + The weather being torrid, + A gnat beheld him where he lay + And lit upon his forehead, + And thence, like all such winged creatures, + Proceeded over all his features. + + The watchful bear, perceiving that + The gnat lit on her master, + Resolved to light upon the gnat + And plunge him in disaster; + She saw no sense in being lenient + When stones lay round her, most convenient. + + And so a weighty rock she aimed + With much enthusiasm: + "Oh, lor'!" the startled gnat exclaimed, + And promptly had a spasm: + A natural proceeding this was, + Considering how close the miss was. + +[Illustration: AND SO A WEIGHTY ROCK SHE AIMED] + + Now by his dumb companion's pluck, + Which caused the gnat to squall so, + The sleeping man was greatly struck + (And by the bowlder, also). + In fact, his friends who idolized him + Remarked they hardly recognized him. + + Of course the bear was greatly grieved, + But, being just a dumb thing, + She only thought: "I was deceived, + But still, I did hit _something!_" + Which showed this masculine achievement + Had somewhat soothed her deep bereavement. + + THE MORAL: If you prize your bones + Beware of females throwing stones. + + + + + THE PRECIPITATE COCK + + AND + + THE UNAPPRECIATED PEARL + + A rooster once pursued a worm + That lingered not to brave him, + To see his wretched victim squirm + A pleasant thrill it gave him; + He summoned all his kith and kin, + They hastened up by legions, + With quaint, expressive gurgles in + Their oesophageal regions. + + Just then a kind of glimmering + Attracting his attention, + The worm became too small a thing + For more than passing mention: + The throng of hungry hens and rude + He skilfully evaded. + Said he, "I' faith, if this be food, + I saw the prize ere they did." + + It was a large and costly pearl, + Belonging in a necklace, + And dropped by some neglectful girl: + Some people are so reckless! + The cock assumed an air forlorn, + And cried, "It's really cruel. + I thought it was a grain of corn: + It's nothing but a jewel." + + He turned again to where his clan + In one astounding tangle + With eager haste together ran + To slay the helpless angle, + And sighed, "He was of massive size. + I should have used discretion. + Too late! Around the toothsome prize + A bargain-sale's in session." + + The worm's remarks upon his plight + Have never been recorded, + But any one may know how slight + Diversion it afforded; + For worms and human beings are + Unanimous that, when pecked, + To be the prey of men they far + Prefer to being hen-pecked. + + THE MORAL: When your dinner comes + Don't leave it for your neighbors, + Because you hear the sound of drums + And see the gleam of sabres; + Or, like the cock, you'll find too late + That ornaments external + Do not for certain indicate + A bona fide kernel. + + + + + THE ABBREVIATED FOX + + AND + + HIS SCEPTICAL COMRADES + + A certain fox had a Grecian nose + And a beautiful tail. His friends + Were wont to say in a jesting way + A divinity shaped his ends. + The fact is sad, but his foxship had + A fault we should all eschew: + He was so deceived that he quite believed + What he heard from friends was true. + + One day he found in a sheltered spot + A trap with stalwart springs + That was cunningly planned to supply the demand + For some of those tippet things. + The fox drew nigh, and resolved to try + The way that the trap was set: + (When the trap was through with this interview + There was one less tippet to get!) + + The fox returned to his doting friends + And said, with an awkward smile, + "My tail I know was _comme il faut_, + And served me well for a while." + When his comrades laughed at his shortage aft + He added, with scornful bow, + "Pray check your mirth, for I hear from Worth + They're wearing them shorter now." + + But one of his friends, a bookish chap, + Replied, with a thoughtful frown, + "You know to-day the publishers say + That the short tale won't go down; + And, upon my soul, I think on the whole, + That the publishers' words are true. + I should hate, good sir, to part my fur + In the middle, as done by you." + + And another added these truthful words + In the midst of the eager hush, + "We can part our hair 'most anywhere + So long as we keep the brush." + + THE MORAL is this: It is never amiss + To treasure the things you've penned: + Preserve your tales, for, when all else fails, + They'll be useful things--in the end. + + + + + THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN + + AND + + THE THANKLESS VIPER + + A Caledonian piper + Who was walking on the wold + Nearly stepped upon a viper + Rendered torpid by the cold; + By the sight of her admonished, + He forbore to plant his boot, + But he showed he was astonished + By the way he muttered "Hoot!" + + Now this simple-minded piper + Such a kindly nature had + That he lifted up the viper + And bestowed her in his plaid. + "Though the Scot is stern, at least he + No unhappy creature spurns, + 'Sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,'" + Quoth the piper (quoting Burns). + + This was unaffected kindness, + But there was, to state the fact, + Just a slight _soupcon_ of blindness + In his charitable act. + If you'd watched the piper, shortly + You'd have seen him leap aloft, + As this snake, of ways uncourtly, + Bit him suddenly and oft. + + There was really no excuse for + This, the viper's cruel work, + And the piper found a use for + Words he'd never learned at kirk; + But the biting was so thorough + That although the doctors tried, + Not the best in Edinburgh + Could assist him, and he died. + + And THE MORAL is: The piper + Of the matter made a botch; + One can hardly blame the viper + If she took a nip of Scotch, + For she only did what he did, + And _his_ nippie wasn't small, + Otherwise, you see, he needed + Not have seen the snake at all. + + + + + THE IMPETUOUS BREEZE + + AND + + THE DIPLOMATIC SUN + + A Boston man an ulster had, + An ulster with a cape that fluttered: + It smacked his face, and made him mad, + And polyglot remarks he uttered: + "I bought it at a bargain," said he, + "I'm tired of the thing already." + + The wind that chanced to blow that day + Was easterly, and rather strong, too: + It loved to see the galling way + That clothes vex those whom they belong to: + "Now watch me," cried this spell of weather, + "I'll rid him of it altogether." + + It whirled the man across the street, + It banged him up against a railing, + It twined the ulster round his feet, + But all of this was unavailing: + For not without resource it found him: + He drew the ulster closer round him. + + "My word!" the man was heard to say, + "Although I like not such abuse, it's + Not strange the wind is strong to-day, + It always is in Massachusetts. + Such weather threatens much the health of + Inhabitants this Commonwealth of." + + The sun, emerging from a rift + Between the clouds, observed the victim, + And how the wind beset and biffed, + Belabored, buffeted, and kicked him. + Said he, "This wind is doubtless new here: + 'Tis quite the freshest ever blew here." + + And then he put forth all his strength, + His warmth with might and main exerted, + Till upward in its tube at length + The mercury most nimbly spurted. + Phenomenal the curious sight was, + So swift the rise in Fahrenheit was. + + The man supposed himself at first + The prey of some new mode of smelting: + His pulses were about to burst, + His every limb seemed slowly melting, + And, as the heat began to numb him, + He cast the ulster wildly from him. + + "Impulsive breeze, the use of force," + Observed the sun, "a foolish act is, + Perceiving which, you see, of course. + How highly efficacious tact is." + The wondering wind replied, "Good gracious! + You're right about the efficacious." + + THE MORAL deals, as morals do, + With tact, and all its virtues boasted, + But still I can't forget, can you, + That wretched man, first chilled, then roasted? + Bronchitis seized him shortly after, + And that's no cause for vulgar laughter. + + + + + THE END + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Fables for the Frivolous, by Guy Whitmore Carryl + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS *** + +***** This file should be named 6438.txt or 6438.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/6/4/3/6438/ + +Produced by Steve Schulze, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. 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