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+Project Gutenberg's Fables for the Frivolous, by Guy Whitmore Carryl
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+Title: Fables for the Frivolous
+
+Author: Guy Whitmore Carryl
+
+Release Date: September, 2004 [EBook #6438]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on December 14, 2002]
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+Edition: 10
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+Language: English
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+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steve Schulze, Charles Franks
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+The scans for this book are from the
+Michigan State University Online Digital Collection
+http://digital.lib.msu.edu/onlinecolls/collection.cfm?CID=3
+
+
+
+
+
+
+FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS
+
+_(With Apologies to La Fontaine)_
+
+By GUY WETMORE CARRYL
+
+With Illustrations by Peter Newell
+
+
+1898
+
+
+
+
+FABLES FOR THE FRIVOLOUS
+
+
+TO MY FATHER
+
+
+
+
+
+NOTE:
+I have pleasure in acknowledging the courteous permission
+the editors to reprint in this form such of the following fables
+were originally published in Harper's periodicals, in _Life_,
+and _Munsey's Magazine_.
+
+G. W. C.
+
+
+
+
+
+                 CONTENTS
+
+THE AMBITIOUS FOX AND THE UNAPPROACHABLE GRAPES
+
+THE PERSEVERING TORTOISE AND THE PRETENTIOUS HARE
+
+THE PATRICIAN PEACOCKS AND THE OVERWEENING JAY
+
+THE ARROGANT FROG AND THE SUPERIOR BULL
+
+THE DOMINEERING EAGLE AND THE INVENTIVE BRATLING
+
+THE ICONOCLASTIC RUSTIC AND THE APROPOS ACORN
+
+THE UNUSUAL GOOSE AND THE IMBECILIC WOODCUTTER
+
+THE RUDE RAT AND THE UNOSTENTATIOUS OYSTER
+
+THE URBAN RAT AND THE SUBURBAN RAT
+
+THE IMPECUNIOUS CRICKET AND THE FRUGAL ANT
+
+THE PAMPERED LAPDOG AND THE MISGUIDED ASS
+
+THE VAINGLORIOUS OAK AND THE MODEST BULRUSH
+
+THE INHUMAN WOLF AND THE LAMB SANS GENE
+
+THE SYCOPHANTIC FOX AND THE GULLIBLE RAVEN
+
+THE MICROSCOPIC TROUT AND THE MACHIAVELIAN FISHERMAN
+
+THE CONFIDING PEASANT AND THE MALADROIT BEAR
+
+THE PRECIPITATE COCK AND THE UNAPPRECIATED PEARL
+
+THE ABBREVIATED FOX AND HIS SCEPTICAL COMRADES
+
+THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN AND THE THANKLESS VIPER
+
+THE IMPETUOUS BREEZE AND THE DIPLOMATIC SUN
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"THE FOX RETREATED OUT OF RANGE"
+
+"HE STROVE TO GROW ROTUNDER"
+
+"AN ACORN FELL ABRUPTLY"
+
+"SAID SHE, 'GET UP, YOU BRUTE YOU!'"
+
+"'_J'ADMIRE_,' SAID HE, '_TON BEAU PLUMAGE'_"
+
+"AND SO A WEIGHTY ROCK SHE AIMED"
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+         THE AMBITIOUS FOX
+
+               AND
+
+      THE UNAPPROACHABLE GRAPES
+
+  A farmer built around his crop
+    A wall, and crowned his labors
+  By placing glass upon the top
+    To lacerate his neighbors,
+      Provided they at any time
+      Should feel disposed the wall to climb.
+
+  He also drove some iron pegs
+    Securely in the coping,
+  To tear the bare, defenceless legs
+    Of brats who, upward groping,
+      Might steal, despite the risk of fall,
+      The grapes that grew upon the wall.
+
+  One day a fox, on thieving bent,
+    A crafty and an old one,
+  Most shrewdly tracked the pungent scent
+    That eloquently told one
+      That grapes were ripe and grapes were good
+      And likewise in the neighborhood.
+
+  He threw some stones of divers shapes
+    The luscious fruit to jar off:
+  It made him ill to see the grapes
+    So near and yet so far off.
+      His throws were strong, his aim was fine,
+      But "Never touched me!" said the vine.
+
+  The farmer shouted, "Drat the boys!"
+  And, mounting on a ladder,
+  He sought the cause of all the noise;
+  No farmer could be madder,
+    Which was not hard to understand
+    Because the glass had cut his hand.
+
+  His passion he could not restrain,
+    But shouted out, "You're thievish!"
+  The fox replied, with fine disdain,
+    "Come, country, don't be peevish."
+      (Now "country" is an epithet
+      One can't forgive, nor yet forget.)
+
+  The farmer rudely answered back
+    With compliments unvarnished,
+  And downward hurled the _bric-a-brac_
+    With which the wall was garnished,
+      In view of which demeanor strange,
+      The fox retreated out of range.
+
+  "I will not try the grapes to-day,"
+    He said. "My appetite is
+  Fastidious, and, anyway,
+    I fear appendicitis."
+      (The fox was one of the _elite_
+      Who call it _site_ instead of _seet_.)
+
+  The moral is that if your host
+    Throws glass around his entry
+  You know it isn't done by most
+    Who claim to be the gentry,
+      While if he hits you in the head
+      You may be sure he's underbred.
+
+
+
+
+
+     THE PERSEVERING TORTOISE
+
+               AND
+
+       THE PRETENTIOUS HARE
+
+  Once a turtle, finding plenty
+    In seclusion to bewitch,
+  Lived a _dolce far niente_
+    Kind of life within a ditch;
+  Rivers had no charm for him,
+    As he told his wife and daughter,
+  "Though my friends are in the swim,
+    Mud is thicker far than water."
+
+  One fine day, as was his habit,
+    He was dozing in the sun,
+  When a young and flippant rabbit
+    Happened by the ditch to run:
+  "Come and race me," he exclaimed,
+    "Fat inhabitant of puddles.
+  Sluggard! You should be ashamed.
+    Such a life the brain befuddles."
+
+  This, of course, was banter merely,
+    But it stirred the torpid blood
+  Of the turtle, and severely
+    Forth he issued from the mud.
+  "Done!" he cried. The race began,
+    But the hare resumed his banter,
+  Seeing how his rival ran
+    In a most unlovely canter.
+
+  Shouting, "Terrapin, you're bested!
+    You'd be wiser, dear old chap,
+  If you sat you down and rested
+    When you reach the second lap."
+  Quoth the turtle, "I refuse.
+    As for you, with all your talking,
+  Sit on any lap you choose.
+    _I_ shall simply go on walking."
+
+  Now this sporting proposition
+    Was, upon its face, absurd;
+  Yet the hare, with expedition,
+    Took the tortoise at his word,
+  Ran until the final lap,
+    Then, supposing he'd outclassed him,
+  Laid him down and took a nap
+    And the patient turtle passed him!
+
+  Plodding on, he shortly made the
+    Line that marked the victor's goal;
+  Paused, and found he'd won, and laid the
+    Flattering unction to his soul.
+  Then in fashion grandiose,
+    Like an after-dinner speaker,
+  Touched his flipper to his nose,
+    And remarked, "Ahem! Eureka!"
+
+  And THE MORAL (lest you miss one)
+    Is: There's often time to spare,
+  And that races are (like this one)
+    Won not always by a hair.
+
+
+
+      THE PATRICIAN PEACOCKS
+
+                AND
+
+       THE OVERWEENING JAY
+
+  Once a flock of stately peacocks
+    Promenaded on a green,
+  There were twenty-two or three cocks,
+    Each as proud as seventeen,
+  And a glance, however hasty,
+    Showed their plumage to be tasty;
+  Wheresoever one was placed, he
+    Was a credit to the scene.
+
+  Now their owner had a daughter
+    Who, when people came to call,
+  Used to say, "You'd reelly oughter
+    See them peacocks on the mall."
+  Now this wasn't to her credit,
+    And her callers came to dread it,
+  For the way the lady said it
+    Wasn't _recherche_ at all.
+
+  But a jay that overheard it
+    From his perch upon a fir
+  Didn't take in how absurd it
+    Was to every one but her;
+  When they answered, "You don't tell us!"
+    And to see the birds seemed zealous
+  He became extremely jealous,
+    Wishing, too, to make a stir.
+
+  As the peacocks fed together
+    He would join them at their lunch,
+  Culling here and there a feather
+    Till he'd gathered quite a bunch;
+  Then this bird, of ways perfidious,
+    Stuck them on him most fastidious
+  Till he looked uncommon hideous,
+    Like a Judy or a Punch.
+
+  But the peacocks, when they saw him,
+    One and all began to haul,
+  And to harry and to claw him
+    Till the creature couldn't crawl;
+  While their owner's vulgar daughter,
+    When her startled callers sought her,
+  And to see the struggle brought her,
+    Only said, "They're on the maul."
+
+  It was really quite revolting
+    When the tumult died away,
+  One would think he had been moulting
+    So dishevelled was the jay;
+  He was more than merely slighted,
+    He was more than disunited,
+  He'd been simply dynamited
+    In the fervor of the fray.
+
+  And THE MORAL of the verses
+    Is: That short men can't be tall.
+  Nothing sillier or worse is
+    Than a jay upon a mall.
+  And the jay opiniative
+    Who, because he's imitative,
+  Thinks he's highly decorative
+    Is the biggest jay of all.
+
+
+
+
+       THE ARROGANT FROG
+
+               AND
+
+       THE SUPERIOR BULL
+
+  Once, on a time and in a place
+    Conducive to malaria,
+  There lived a member of the race
+    Of _Rana Temporaria_;
+      Or, more concisely still, a frog
+      Inhabited a certain bog.
+
+  A bull of Brobdingnagian size,
+    Too proud for condescension,
+  One morning chanced to cast his eyes
+    Upon the frog I mention;
+      And, being to the manner born,
+      Surveyed him with a lofty scorn.
+
+  Perceiving this, the bactrian's frame
+    With anger was inflated,
+  Till, growing larger, he became
+    Egregiously elated;
+      For inspiration's sudden spell
+      Had pointed out a way to swell.
+
+  "Ha! ha!" he proudly cried, "a fig
+    For this, your mammoth torso!
+  Just watch me while I grow as big
+    As you--or even more so!"
+      To which magniloquential gush
+      His bullship simply answered "Tush!"
+
+  Alas! the frog's success was slight,
+    Which really was a wonder,
+  In view of how with main and might
+    He strove to grow rotunder!
+      And, standing patiently the while,
+      The bull displayed a quiet smile.
+
+[Illustration: "HE STROVE TO GROW ROTUNDER"]
+
+  But ah, the frog tried once too oft
+    And, doing so, he busted;
+  Whereat the bull discreetly coughed
+    And moved away, disgusted,
+      As well he might, considering
+      The wretched taste that marked the thing.
+
+      THE MORAL: Everybody knows
+      How ill a wind it is that blows.
+
+
+
+
+      THE DOMINEERING EAGLE
+
+               AND
+
+     THE INVENTIVE BRATLING
+
+  O'er a small suburban borough
+    Once an eagle used to fly,
+  Making observations thorough
+    From his station in the sky,
+  And presenting the appearance
+    Of an animated V,
+  Like the gulls that lend coherence
+    Unto paintings of the sea.
+
+  Looking downward at a church in
+    This attractive little shire,
+  He beheld a smallish urchin
+    Shooting arrows at the spire;
+  In a spirit of derision,
+    "Look alive!" the eagle said;
+  And, with infinite precision,
+    Dropped a feather on his head.
+
+  Then the boy, annoyed distinctly
+    By the freedom of the bird,
+  Voiced his anger quite succinctly
+    In a single scathing word;
+  And he sat him on a barrow,
+    And he fashioned of this same
+  Eagle's feather such an arrow
+    As was worthy of the name.
+
+  Then he tried his bow, and, stringing
+    It with caution and with care,
+  Sent that arrow singing, winging
+    Towards the eagle in the air.
+  Straight it went, without an error,
+    And the target, bathed in blood,
+  Lurched, and lunged, and fell to _terra
+    Firma_, landing with a thud.
+
+  "Bird of freedom," quoth the urchin,
+    With an unrelenting frown,
+  "You shall decorate a perch in
+    The menagerie in town;
+  But of feathers quite a cluster
+    I shall first remove for Ma:
+  Thanks to you, she'll have a duster
+    For her precious _objets d'art_."
+
+  And THE MORAL is that pride is
+    The precursor of a fall.
+  Those beneath you to deride is
+    Not expedient at all.
+  Howsoever meek and humble
+    Your inferiors may be,
+  They perchance may make you tumble,
+    So respect them.  Q. E. D.
+
+
+
+
+      THE ICONOCLASTIC RUSTIC
+
+                AND
+
+        THE APROPOS ACORN
+
+  Reposing 'neath some spreading trees,
+    A populistic bumpkin
+  Amused himself by offering these
+    Reflections on a pumpkin:
+  "I would not, if the choice were mine,
+  Grow things like that upon a vine,
+  For how imposing it would be
+  If pumpkins grew upon a tree."
+
+  Like other populists, you'll note,
+    Of views enthusiastic,
+  He'd learned by heart, and said by rote
+    A creed iconoclastic;
+  And in his dim, uncertain sight
+  Whatever wasn't must be right,
+  From which it follows he had strong
+  Convictions that what was, was wrong.
+
+  As thus he sat beneath an oak
+    An acorn fell abruptly
+  And smote his nose: whereat he spoke
+    Of acorns most corruptly.
+  "Great Scott!" he cried. "The Dickens!" too,
+  And other authors whom he knew,
+  And having duly mentioned those,
+  He expeditiously arose.
+
+  Then, though with pain he nearly swooned,
+    He bathed his organ nasal
+  With arnica, and soothed the wound
+    With extract of witch hazel;
+  And surely we may well excuse
+  The victim if he changed his views:
+  "If pumpkins fell from trees like that,"
+  He murmured, "Where would I be at?"
+
+  Of course it's wholly clear to you
+    That when these words he uttered
+  He proved conclusively he knew
+    Which side his bread was buttered;
+  And, if this point you have not missed,
+  You'll learn to love this populist,
+  The only one of all his kind
+  With sense enough to change his mind.
+
+  THE MORAL: In the early spring
+  A pumpkin-tree would be a thing
+  Most gratifying to us all,
+  But how about the early fall?
+
+
+
+
+        THE UNUSUAL GOOSE
+
+               AND
+
+     THE IMBECILIC WOODCUTTER
+
+  A woodcutter bought him a gander,
+    Or at least that was what he supposed,
+  As a matter of fact, 'twas a slander
+    As a later occurrence disclosed;
+  For they locked the bird up in the garret
+    To fatten, the while it grew old,
+  And it laid there a twenty-two carat
+    Fine egg of the purest of gold!
+
+  There was much unaffected rejoicing
+    In the home of the woodcutter then,
+  And his wife, her exuberance voicing,
+    Proclaimed him most lucky of men.
+  "'Tis an omen of fortune, this gold egg,"
+    She said, "and of practical use,
+  For this fowl doesn't lay any old egg,
+    She's a highly superior goose."
+
+  Twas this creature's habitual custom,
+    This laying of superfine eggs,
+  And they made it their practice to dust 'em
+    And pack them by dozens in kegs:
+  But the woodcutter's mind being vapid
+    And his foolishness more than profuse,
+  In order to get them more rapid
+    He slaughtered the innocent goose.
+
+  He made her a gruel of acid
+    Which she very obligingly ate,
+  And at once with a touchingly placid
+    Demeanor succumbed to her fate.
+  With affection that passed the platonic
+    They buried her under the moss,
+  And her epitaph wasn't ironic
+    In stating, "We mourn for our loss."
+
+  And THE MORAL: It isn't much use,
+    As the woodcutter found to be true,
+  To lay for an innocent goose
+    Just because she is laying for you.
+
+
+
+
+           THE RUDE RAT
+
+               AND
+
+      THE UNOSTENTATIOUS OYSTER
+
+  Upon the shore, a mile or more
+    From traffic and confusion,
+  An oyster dwelt, because he felt
+    A longing for seclusion;
+  Said he: "I love the stillness of
+    This spot. It's like a cloister."
+  (These words I quote because, you note,
+    They rhyme so well with oyster.)
+
+  A prying rat, believing that
+    She needed change of diet,
+  In search of such disturbed this much-
+    To-be-desired quiet.
+  To say the least, this tactless beast
+    Was apt to rudely roister:
+  She tapped his shell, and called him--well,
+    A name that hurt the oyster.
+
+  "I see," she cried, "you're open wide,
+    And, searching for a reason,
+  September's here, and so it's clear
+    That oysters are in season."
+  She smiled a smile that showed this style
+    Of badinage rejoiced her,
+  Advanced a pace with easy grace,
+    And _sniffed_ the silent oyster.
+
+  The latter's pride was sorely tried,
+    He thought of what he _could _say,
+  Reflected what the common lot
+    Of vulgar molluscs _would_ say;
+  Then caught his breath, grew pale as death,
+    And, as his brow turned moister,
+  Began to close, and nipped her nose!
+    Superb, dramatic oyster!
+
+  We note with joy that oi polloi,
+    Whom maidens bite the thumb at,
+  Are apt to try some weak reply
+    To things they should be dumb at.
+  THE MORAL, then, for crafty men
+    Is: When a maid has voiced her
+  Contemptuous heart, don't think you're smart,
+    But shut up--like the oyster.
+
+
+
+
+            THE URBAN RAT
+
+               AND
+
+           THE SUBURBAN RAT
+
+  A metropolitan rat invited
+    His country cousin in town to dine:
+  The country cousin replied, "Delighted."
+    And signed himself, "Sincerely thine."
+  The town rat treated the country cousin
+                       To half a dozen
+                         Kinds of wine.
+
+  He served him terrapin, kidneys devilled,
+    And roasted partridge, and candied fruit;
+  In Little Neck Clams at first they revelled,
+    And then in Pommery,  _sec_ and _brut_;
+  The country cousin exclaimed: "Such feeding
+                       Proclaims your breeding
+                         Beyond dispute!"
+
+  But just as, another bottle broaching,
+    They came to chicken _en casserole_
+  A ravenous cat was heard approaching,
+    And, passing his guest a finger-bowl,
+  The town rat murmured, "The feast is ended."
+                      And then descended
+                        The nearest hole.
+
+  His cousin followed him, helter-skelter,
+    And, pausing beneath the pantry floor,
+  He glanced around at their dusty shelter
+    And muttered, "This is a beastly bore.
+  My place as an epicure resigning,
+                      I'll try this dining
+                        In town no more.
+
+  "You must dine some night at my rustic cottage;
+    I'll warn you now that it's simple fare:
+  A radish or two, a bowl of pottage,
+    And the wine that's known as _ordinaire_,
+  But for holes I haven't to make a bee-line,
+                       No prowling feline
+                         Molests me there.
+
+  "You smile at the lot of a mere commuter,
+    You think that my life is hard, mayhap,
+  But I'm sure than you I am far acuter:
+    I ain't afraid of no cat nor trap."
+  The city rat could but meekly stammer,
+                       "Don't use such grammar,
+                         My worthy chap."
+
+  He dined next night with his poor relation,
+    And caught dyspepsia, and lost his train,
+  He waited an hour in the lonely station,
+    And said some things that were quite profane.
+  "I'll never," he cried, in tones complaining,
+                        "Try entertaining
+                          That rat again."
+
+  It's easy to make a memorandum
+    About THE MORAL these verses teach:
+    _De gustibus non est dispuiandum;_
+    The meaning of which Etruscan speech
+  Is wheresoever you're hunger quelling
+                      Pray keep your dwelling
+                      In easy reach.
+
+
+
+
+      THE IMPECUNIOUS CRICKET
+
+               AND
+
+          THE FRUGAL ANT
+
+  There was an ant, a spinster ant,
+    Whose virtues were so many
+  That she became intolerant
+    Of those who hadn't any:
+  She had a small and frugal mind
+    And lived a life ascetic,
+  Nor was her temperament the kind
+    That's known as sympathetic.
+
+  I skip details. Suffice to say
+    That, knocking at her wicket,
+  There chanced to come one autumn day
+    A common garden cricket
+  So ragged, poor, and needy that,
+    Without elucidation,
+  One saw the symptoms of a bat
+    Of several months' duration.
+
+  He paused beside her door-step, and,
+    With one pathetic gesture,
+  He called attention with his hand
+    To both his shoes and vesture.
+  "I joined," said he, "an opera troupe.
+    They suddenly disbanded,
+  And left me on the hostel stoop,
+    Lugubriously stranded.
+
+  "I therefore lay aside my pride
+    And frankly ask for clothing."
+  "Begone!" the frugal ant replied.
+    "I look on you with loathing.
+  Your muddy shoes have spoiled the lawn,
+    Your hands have soiled the fence, too.
+  If you need money, go and pawn
+    Your watch--if you have sense to."
+
+  THE MORAL is: Albeit lots
+  Of people follow Dr. Watts,
+  The sluggard, when his means are scant,
+  Should seek an uncle, not an ant!
+
+
+
+
+        THE PAMPERED LAPDOG
+
+               AND
+
+         THE MISGUIDED ASS
+
+  A woolly little terrier pup
+    Gave vent to yelps distressing,
+  Whereat his mistress took him up
+    And soothed him with caressing,
+      And yet he was not in the least
+      What one would call a handsome beast.
+
+  He might have been a Javanese,
+    He might have been a Jap dog,
+  And also neither one of these,
+    But just a common lapdog,
+      The kind that people send, you know,
+      Done up in cotton, to the Show.
+
+  At all events, whate'er his race,
+    The pretty girl who owned him
+  Caressed his unattractive face
+    And petted and cologned him,
+      While, watching her with mournful eye,
+      A patient ass stood silent by.
+
+  "If thus," he mused, "the feminine
+    And fascinating gender
+  Is led to love, I, too, can win
+    Her protestations tender."
+      And then the poor, misguided chap
+      Sat down upon the lady's lap.
+
+  Then, as her head with terror swam,
+    "This method seems to suit you,"
+  Observed the ass, "so here I am."
+    Said she, "Get up, you brute you!"
+      And promptly screamed aloud for aid:
+      No ass was ever more dismayed.
+
+[Illustration: "SAID SHE, 'GET UP, YOU BRUTE YOU!'"]
+
+  They took the ass into the yard
+    And there, with whip and truncheon,
+  They beat him, and they beat him hard,
+    From breakfast-time till luncheon.
+      He only gave a tearful gulp,
+      Though almost pounded to a pulp.
+
+  THE MORAL is (or seems, at least,
+    To be): In etiquette you
+  Will find that while enough's a feast
+    A surplus will upset you.
+   _Toujours, toujours la politesse_, if
+      The quantity be not excessive.
+
+
+
+
+
+        THE VAINGLORIOUS OAK
+
+               AND
+
+         THE MODEST BULRUSH
+
+  A bulrush stood on a river's rim,
+    And an oak that grew near by
+  Looked down with cold _hauteur_ on him,
+    And addressed him this way: "Hi!"
+  The rush was a proud patrician, and
+   He retorted, "Don't you know,
+  What the veriest boor should understand,
+              That 'Hi' is low?"
+
+  This cutting rebuke the oak ignored.
+    He returned, "My slender friend,
+  I will frankly state that I'm somewhat bored
+    With the way you bow and bend."
+  "But you quite forget," the rush replied,
+    "It's an art these bows to do,
+  An art I wouldn't attempt if I'd
+               Such boughs as you."
+
+  "Of course," said the oak, "in my sapling days
+    My habit it was to bow,
+  But the wildest storm that the winds could raise
+    Would never disturb me now.
+  I challenge the breeze to make me bend,
+    And the blast to make me sway."
+  The shrewd little bulrush answered, "Friend,
+                Don't get so gay."
+
+  And the words had barely left his mouth
+    When he saw the oak turn pale,
+  For, racing along south-east-by-south,
+    Came ripping a raging gale.
+  And the rush bent low as the storm went past,
+    But stiffly stood the oak,
+  Though not for long, for he found the blast
+                No idle joke.
+
+    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+  Imagine the lightning's gleaming bars,
+    Imagine the thunder's roar,
+  For that is exactly what eight stars
+    Are set in a row here for!
+  The oak lay prone when the storm was done,
+    While the rush, still quite erect,
+  Remarked aside, "What under the sun
+               Could one expect?"
+
+  And THE MORAL, I'd have you understand,
+    Would have made La Fontaine blush,
+  For it's this: Some storms come early, and
+               Avoid the rush!
+
+
+
+
+             THE INHUMAN WOLF
+
+                  AND
+
+           THE LAMB SANS GENE
+
+  A gaunt and relentless wolf, possessed
+    Of a quite insatiable thirst,
+  Once paused at a stream to drink and rest,
+  And found that, bound on a similar quest,
+    A lamb had arrived there first.
+
+  The lamb was a lamb of a garrulous mind
+    And frivolity most extreme:
+  In the fashion common to all his kind,
+  He cantered in front and galloped behind.
+    And troubled the limpid stream.
+
+  "My friend," said the wolf, with a winsome air,
+    "Your capers I can't admire."
+  "Go to!" quoth the lamb. (Though he said not where,
+  He showed what he meant by his brazen stare
+    And the way that he gambolled higher.)
+
+  "My capers," he cried, "are the kind that are
+    Invariably served with lamb.
+  Remember, this is a public bar,
+  And I'll do as I please. If your drink I mar,
+    I don't give a tinker's ----."
+
+  He paused and glanced at the rivulet,
+    And that pause than speech was worse,
+  For his roving eye a saw-mill met,
+  And, near it, the word which should be set
+    At the end of the previous verse.
+
+  Said the wolf: "You are tough and may bring remorse,
+    But of such is the world well rid.
+  I've swallowed your capers, I've swallowed your sauce,
+  And it's plain to be seen that my only course
+    Is swallowing you."  He did.
+
+  THE MORAL: The wisest lambs they are
+    Who, when they're assailed by thirst,
+  Keep well away from a public bar;
+  For of all black sheep, or near, or far,
+    The public bar-lamb's worst!
+
+
+
+
+         THE SYCOPHANTIC FOX
+
+                 AND
+
+          THE GULLIBLE RAVEN
+
+  A raven sat upon a tree,
+    And not a word he spoke, for
+  His beak contained a piece of Brie,
+    Or, maybe, it was Roquefort:
+      We'll make it any kind you please--
+      At all events, it was a cheese.
+
+  Beneath the tree's umbrageous limb
+    A hungry fox sat smiling;
+  He saw the raven watching him,
+    And spoke in words beguiling.
+      "_J'admire_," said he, "_ton beau plumage_."
+      (The which was simply persiflage.)
+
+  Two things there are, no doubt you know,
+    To which a fox is used:
+  A rooster that is bound to crow,
+    A crow that's bound to roost,
+      And whichsoever he espies
+     He tells the most unblushing lies.
+
+  "Sweet fowl," he said, "I understand
+    You're more than merely natty,
+  I hear you sing to beat the band
+    And Adelina Patti.
+      Pray render with your liquid tongue
+      A bit from 'Gotterdammerung.'"
+
+  This subtle speech was aimed to please
+    The crow, and it succeeded:
+  He thought no bird in all the trees
+    Could sing as well as he did.
+      In flattery completely doused,
+      He gave the "Jewel Song" from "Faust."
+
+[Illustration: "'_J'ADMIRE_,' SAID HE, '_TON BEAU PLUMAGE_'"]
+
+  But gravitation's law, of course,
+    As Isaac Newton showed it,
+  Exerted on the cheese its force,
+    And elsewhere soon bestowed it.
+      In fact, there is no need to tell
+      What happened when to earth it fell.
+
+  I blush to add that when the bird
+    Took in the situation
+  He said one brief, emphatic word,
+    Unfit for publication.
+      The fox was greatly startled, but
+      He only sighed and answered "Tut."
+
+  THE MORAL is: A fox is bound
+    To be a shameless sinner.
+  And also: When the cheese comes round
+    You know it's after dinner.
+      But (what is only known to few)
+      The fox is after dinner, too.
+
+
+
+
+        THE MICROSCOPIC TROUT
+
+               AND
+
+      THE MACHIAVELIAN FISHERMAN
+
+  A fisher was casting his flies in a brook,
+    According to laws of such sciences,
+  With a patented reel and a patented hook
+    And a number of other appliances;
+  And the thirty-fifth cast, which he vowed was the last
+    (It was figured as close as a decimal),
+  Brought suddenly out of the water a trout
+    Of measurements infinitesimal.
+
+  This fish had a way that would win him a place
+    In the best and most polished society,
+  And he looked at the fisherman full in the face
+    With a visible air of anxiety:
+  He murmered "Alas!" from his place in the grass,
+    And then, when he'd twisted and wriggled, he
+  Remarked in a pet that his heart was upset
+    And digestion all higgledy-piggledy.
+
+  "I request," he observed, "to be instantly flung
+    Once again in the pool I've been living in."
+  The fisherman said, "You will tire out your tongue.
+    Do you see any signs of my giving in?
+  Put you back in the pool? Why, you fatuous fool,
+    I have eaten much smaller and thinner fish.
+  You're not salmon or sole, but I think, on the whole,
+    You're a fairly respectable dinner-fish."
+
+  The fisherman's cook tried her hand on the trout
+    And with various herbs she embellished him;
+  He was lovely to see, and there isn't a doubt
+    That the fisherman's family relished him,
+  And, to prove that they did, both his wife and his kid
+    Devoured the trout with much eagerness,
+  Avowing no dish could compare with that fish,
+    Notwithstanding his singular meagreness.
+
+  And THE MORAL, you'll find, is although it is kind
+    To grant favors that people are wishing for,
+  Still a dinner you'll lack if you chance to throw back
+    In the pool little trout that you're fishing for;
+  If their pleading you spurn you will certainly learn
+    That herbs will deliciously vary 'em:
+  It is needless to state that a trout on a plate
+    Beats several in the aquarium.
+
+
+
+
+       THE CONFIDING PEASANT
+
+               AND
+
+         THE MALADROIT BEAR
+
+  A peasant had a docile bear,
+    A bear of manners pleasant,
+  And all the love she had to spare
+    She lavished on the peasant:
+      She proved her deep affection plainly
+      (The method was a bit ungainly).
+
+  The peasant had to dig and delve,
+    And, as his class are apt to,
+  When all the whistles blew at twelve
+    He ate his lunch, and napped, too,
+      The bear a careful outlook keeping
+      The while her master lay a-sleeping.
+
+  As thus the peasant slept one day,
+    The weather being torrid,
+  A gnat beheld him where he lay
+    And lit upon his forehead,
+      And thence, like all such winged creatures,
+      Proceeded over all his features.
+
+  The watchful bear, perceiving that
+    The gnat lit on her master,
+  Resolved to light upon the gnat
+    And plunge him in disaster;
+      She saw no sense in being lenient
+      When stones lay round her, most convenient.
+
+  And so a weighty rock she aimed
+    With much enthusiasm:
+  "Oh, lor'!" the startled gnat exclaimed,
+    And promptly had a spasm:
+      A natural proceeding this was,
+      Considering how close the miss was.
+
+[Illustration: AND SO A WEIGHTY ROCK SHE AIMED]
+
+  Now by his dumb companion's pluck,
+    Which caused the gnat to squall so,
+  The sleeping man was greatly struck
+    (And by the bowlder, also).
+      In fact, his friends who idolized him
+      Remarked they hardly recognized him.
+
+  Of course the bear was greatly grieved,
+    But, being just a dumb thing,
+  She only thought: "I was deceived,
+    But still, I did hit _something!_"
+      Which showed this masculine achievement
+      Had somewhat soothed her deep bereavement.
+
+  THE MORAL: If you prize your bones
+  Beware of females throwing stones.
+
+
+
+
+       THE   PRECIPITATE   COCK
+
+               AND
+
+      THE   UNAPPRECIATED   PEARL
+
+  A rooster once pursued a worm
+    That lingered not to brave him,
+  To see his wretched victim squirm
+    A pleasant thrill it gave him;
+  He summoned all his kith and kin,
+    They hastened up by legions,
+  With quaint, expressive gurgles in
+    Their oesophageal regions.
+
+  Just then a kind of glimmering
+    Attracting his attention,
+  The worm became too small a thing
+    For more than passing mention:
+  The throng of hungry hens and rude
+    He skilfully evaded.
+  Said he, "I' faith, if this be food,
+    I saw the prize ere they did."
+
+  It was a large and costly pearl,
+    Belonging in a necklace,
+  And dropped by some neglectful girl:
+    Some people are so reckless!
+  The cock assumed an air forlorn,
+    And cried, "It's really cruel.
+  I thought it was a grain of corn:
+    It's nothing but a jewel."
+
+  He turned again to where his clan
+    In one astounding tangle
+  With eager haste together ran
+    To slay the helpless angle,
+  And sighed, "He was of massive size.
+    I should have used discretion.
+  Too late! Around the toothsome prize
+    A bargain-sale's in session."
+
+  The worm's remarks upon his plight
+    Have never been recorded,
+  But any one may know how slight
+    Diversion it afforded;
+  For worms and human beings are
+    Unanimous that, when pecked,
+  To be the prey of men they far
+    Prefer to being hen-pecked.
+
+  THE MORAL: When your dinner comes
+    Don't leave it for your neighbors,
+  Because you hear the sound of drums
+    And see the gleam of sabres;
+  Or, like the cock, you'll find too late
+    That ornaments external
+  Do not for certain indicate
+    A bona fide kernel.
+
+
+
+
+       THE ABBREVIATED FOX
+
+               AND
+
+      HIS SCEPTICAL COMRADES
+
+  A certain fox had a Grecian nose
+    And a beautiful tail. His friends
+  Were wont to say in a jesting way
+    A divinity shaped his ends.
+  The fact is sad, but his foxship had
+    A fault we should all eschew:
+  He was so deceived that he quite believed
+    What he heard from friends was true.
+
+  One day he found in a sheltered spot
+    A trap with stalwart springs
+  That was cunningly planned to supply the demand
+   For some of those tippet things.
+  The fox drew nigh, and resolved to try
+    The way that the trap was set:
+  (When the trap was through with this interview
+    There was one less tippet to get!)
+
+  The fox returned to his doting friends
+    And said, with an awkward smile,
+  "My tail I know was _comme il faut_,
+    And served me well for a while."
+  When his comrades laughed at his shortage aft
+    He added, with scornful bow,
+  "Pray check your mirth, for I hear from Worth
+    They're wearing them shorter now."
+
+  But one of his friends, a bookish chap,
+    Replied, with a thoughtful frown,
+  "You know to-day the publishers say
+    That the short tale won't go down;
+  And, upon my soul, I think on the whole,
+   That the publishers' words are true.
+  I should hate, good sir, to part my fur
+    In the middle, as done by you."
+
+  And another added these truthful words
+    In the midst of the eager hush,
+  "We can part our hair 'most anywhere
+    So long as we keep the brush."
+
+  THE MORAL is this: It is never amiss
+    To treasure the things you've penned:
+  Preserve your tales, for, when all else fails,
+    They'll be useful things--in the end.
+
+
+
+
+     THE HOSPITABLE CALEDONIAN
+
+               AND
+
+        THE THANKLESS VIPER
+
+  A Caledonian piper
+    Who was walking on the wold
+  Nearly stepped upon a viper
+    Rendered torpid by the cold;
+  By the sight of her admonished,
+    He forbore to plant his boot,
+  But he showed he was astonished
+    By the way he muttered "Hoot!"
+
+  Now this simple-minded piper
+    Such a kindly nature had
+  That he lifted up the viper
+    And bestowed her in his plaid.
+  "Though the Scot is stern, at least he
+    No unhappy creature spurns,
+  'Sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,'"
+    Quoth the piper (quoting Burns).
+
+  This was unaffected kindness,
+    But there was, to state the fact,
+  Just a slight _soupcon_ of blindness
+    In his charitable act.
+  If you'd watched the piper, shortly
+    You'd have seen him leap aloft,
+  As this snake, of ways uncourtly,
+    Bit him suddenly and oft.
+
+  There was really no excuse for
+    This, the viper's cruel work,
+  And the piper found a use for
+    Words he'd never learned at kirk;
+  But the biting was so thorough
+    That although the doctors tried,
+  Not the best in Edinburgh
+    Could assist him, and he died.
+
+  And THE MORAL is: The piper
+    Of the matter made a botch;
+  One can hardly blame the viper
+    If she took a nip of Scotch,
+  For she only did what he did,
+    And _his_ nippie wasn't small,
+  Otherwise, you see, he needed
+    Not have seen the snake at all.
+
+
+
+
+       THE IMPETUOUS BREEZE
+
+               AND
+
+        THE DIPLOMATIC SUN
+
+  A Boston man an ulster had,
+    An ulster with a cape that fluttered:
+  It smacked his face, and made him mad,
+    And polyglot remarks he uttered:
+      "I bought it at a bargain," said he,
+      "I'm tired of the thing already."
+
+  The wind that chanced to blow that day
+    Was easterly, and rather strong, too:
+  It loved to see the galling way
+    That clothes vex those whom they belong to:
+      "Now watch me," cried this spell of weather,
+      "I'll rid him of it altogether."
+
+  It whirled the man across the street,
+    It banged him up against a railing,
+  It twined the ulster round his feet,
+    But all of this was unavailing:
+      For not without resource it found him:
+      He drew the ulster closer round him.
+
+  "My word!" the man was heard to say,
+    "Although I like not such abuse, it's
+  Not strange the wind is strong to-day,
+    It always is in Massachusetts.
+      Such weather threatens much the health of
+      Inhabitants this Commonwealth of."
+
+  The sun, emerging from a rift
+    Between the clouds, observed the victim,
+  And how the wind beset and biffed,
+    Belabored, buffeted, and kicked him.
+      Said he, "This wind is doubtless new here:
+      'Tis quite the freshest ever blew here."
+
+  And then he put forth all his strength,
+    His warmth with might and main exerted,
+  Till upward in its tube at length
+    The mercury most nimbly spurted.
+      Phenomenal the curious sight was,
+      So swift the rise in Fahrenheit was.
+
+  The man supposed himself at first
+    The prey of some new mode of smelting:
+  His pulses were about to burst,
+    His every limb seemed slowly melting,
+      And, as the heat began to numb him,
+      He cast the ulster wildly from him.
+
+  "Impulsive breeze, the use of force,"
+    Observed the sun, "a foolish act is,
+  Perceiving which, you see, of course.
+    How highly efficacious tact is."
+      The wondering wind replied, "Good gracious!
+      You're right about the efficacious."
+
+  THE MORAL deals, as morals do,
+    With tact, and all its virtues boasted,
+  But still I can't forget, can you,
+    That wretched man, first chilled, then roasted?
+      Bronchitis seized him shortly after,
+      And that's no cause for vulgar laughter.
+
+
+
+
+                  THE END
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Fables for the Frivolous, by Guy Whitmore Carryl
+
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