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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d729c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #63995 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/63995) diff --git a/old/63995-8.txt b/old/63995-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 9f80e23..0000000 --- a/old/63995-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1752 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Art of Conversation, by Josephine Turck -Baker - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: The Art of Conversation - Twelve Golden Rules - - -Author: Josephine Turck Baker - - - -Release Date: December 9, 2020 [eBook #63995] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ART OF CONVERSATION*** - - -E-text prepared by Turgut Dincer, Martin Pettit, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images -generously made available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this - file which includes the original illustrations. - See 63995-h.htm or 63995-h.zip: - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/63995/63995-h/63995-h.htm) - or - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/63995/63995-h.zip) - - - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/artofconversatio01bake - - - - - -THE ART OF CONVERSATION - -Twelve Golden Rules - - -[Illustration: Decoration] - - -by - -JOSEPHINE TURCK BAKER - -Author of Correct English: a Complete Grammar -Ten Thousand Words: How To Pronounce Them -and -Editor of the Magazine Correct English: How To Use It - - - - - - -Published by Correct English Publishing Company Evanston, Illinois - -Copyright, 1907 -by -Josephine Turck Baker - - - - -THE ART OF CONVERSATION - -TWELVE GOLDEN RULES - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER I - -_Avoid unnecessary details._ - - -He.--Do you know that what you say always interests me? - -She.--That is because we are such good comrades. - -He.--Not altogether. I think that it is because you never dwell upon -details. - -She.--Then, one is interesting in conversation according as one omits -details? - -He.--Unnecessary details. - -She.--I remember that, when visiting some friends whom I had not -seen for several years, my hostess said to me, "Ever since your -arrival, I have been trying to discover why you are so interesting -in conversation, and I have decided that it is because you omit -unnecessary details." I felt that my hostess had paid me a high -compliment. - -He.--Yes; but one that you deserve. Now, even in telling this incident, -you were direct. The bore would have "side-tracked," and would have -told innumerable and irrelevant details. I don't believe you could bore -a person if you were to try. - -She.--I am quite sure that I could. Listen to this: "Several years -ago,--four years ago just,--this last June; no, it was only three -years ago, because I remember now that four years ago I did not attend -the alumnae reunion of our college, and so it must have been three -years ago,--I was the guest of one of the members of my class,--I was -attending the annual reunion of the alumnae of our college,--almost -every year I attend the alumnae reunion of our college,--and on this -occasion, I was the guest of one of the members of my class. She had -not been attending the reunions, and so I had not seen her for several -years,--five years at least, and----" - -He.--Pardon my interruption, but you are a success. - -She.--As a bore? - -He.--No; as an imitator. I think that you should have been an actress. - -She.--Yes; I think that Nature intended me for one; and I could have -"acted." Indeed, I usually find it difficult not to act; that is, I -find it difficult to be myself. - -He.--Like "Sensational Tommy" in "Tommy and Grizel"? - -She.--Yes; in a way. - -He.--And why were you not an actress? Was it because you did not know -that you had talent? - -She.--From an opposite reason. I had so many talents that, like the -woman in "Mother Goose," I hardly knew what to do. - -He.--That sounds modest. You probably would have been a great actress. - -She.--I might not have been. Sometimes, you know, persons who are very -gifted seem to miss the best that life has to offer. - -He.--I have decided that you are interesting, not because you do not -"sidetrack," but because you have such a stupendous amount of conceit. -You seem to be fully aware of what you possess. It is delightful. - -She.--My talent or my conceit? - -He.--Both. - -She.--I am sure that if any one else possessed my talents, I should -not hesitate to speak of them. Why should I not speak of mine? - -He.--That is one way to look at it. Now, I suppose if I were to tell -you that you were very gifted, you would say, "Thank you; I think that -I am, too,"--or words to that effect. - -She.--Yes; I think that I should respond in some such way. Why should I -not? Why shouldn't I recognize my gifts and be thankful for them? - -He.--Well, usually, you know, when any one receives a compliment, he is -apt to regard it as flattery, and to treat it accordingly; or, if he -thinks the praise is merited, his words are apt to belie his thoughts. - -She.--Yes, but that brooks of insincerity. However, we are a long way -from our subject. We were wondering why some persons "bore" and why -some do not. We decided that one must under no circumstances enter into -too many details. - -He.--They are ruinous. If a person is very polite, he will feign an -interest that he does not feel. Often, however, he betrays, by an -absent expression, that the "details" have done their "deadly work." -You always seem interested, I notice, even when the narrator has -wandered from the main road into innumerable by-paths. - -She.--I appear interested, because I am interested, for I am -continually on the alert to find out just how he is going to get back -to the main road. I find, however, that in the majority of cases, he -never gets back. He is lost in such a labyrinth that, as compared -with it, the Garden of Versailles and the "maze" of Hampton Court -are as naught; and just as these world-famed networks have a kind of -attraction for the curious, so I find it interesting to follow the bore -as he goes from one intricate passage into another in his endeavor to -find an exit. But I must leave him to his fate, or I, too, shall be -lost in a "maze" and shall not be able to find the main path. - -He.--Then, Golden Rule Number I is: AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS. I shall -try to remember the rule, and profit by its significance. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER II - -_Do not ask question number two until number one has been answered._ - - -He.--Since our last visit, I have been noticing the faults of my -friends in conversation, and I have concluded that the most glaring -fault one can have is to ask questions and then not wait for the -answers. I have one friend in particular who, whenever he meets me asks -in the most solicitous way about my family, my health, etc., and then -before I have an opportunity to respond, he proceeds to tell me about -himself, his family, his ills, and the like. - -She.--I know the species very well. In fact, I have classified my -friends according to their respective merits as listeners. - -He.--And where have you placed me? - -She.--At the head of the list. - -He.--As the greatest offender? - -She.--No; as the least. You always wait until I answer one question -before you ask another. - -He.--Thank you. Do I ask many questions? - -She.--Not too many. You may have noticed that there are as many persons -who ask too few questions as there are who ask too many. - -He.--I must say that I had never thought of that. - -She.--To ask many questions often indicates an undue amount of -curiosity on the part of the questioner; to ask too few, a lack -of interest. The reason why some persons are so very prosaic and -uninteresting is that they are entirely absorbed in themselves; in -consequence, they ask few or no questions whatever, showing that they -are not in the least concerned in what interests their friends. There -is a happy mean where one shows neither curiosity nor disinterest. - -He.--In asking questions, we are apt to stir up a hornet's nest, so to -speak, for our friends sometimes respond at such length that we are -inclined to wish that we had shown less interest. - -She.--That is where it is so necessary to remember the golden rule that -we spoke of in our last conversation, namely, AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS. - -He.--Yes; and as I have already told you, that is why you are always -interesting; you never bore one with a "long story." - -She.--I usually try to treat all my friends as carefully as if each one -bore a tag marked, "THIS IS MY BUSY DAY; MAKE IT SHORT." - -He.--Yes; or, "IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME TO KILL, KILL YOUR OWN." At what -a rapid pace we live, anyway. People in the country--the peasant -class--are never in a hurry. They talk slowly, eat slowly, and work at -the same laggard pace. - -She.--In other words, they exist, but do not live. They do not enjoy -what we enjoy. A daily feast is spread before them, but they do not -partake of it. What do they know of glowing sunsets and of moonlit -waves; of shaded walks through pathless woods; of narrow streams -in-walled with trees? The sunset tells the peasant only of what the -weather will bring to his crops; the stretch of velvet through which -the streamlet winds, of green pastures for his flocks. But I have -gotten away from my subject. In other words, like the bore, I have -"side-tracked." - -He.--Only what you say does not bore. - -She.--You mean, not you. - -He.--Nor any one else. - -She.--Thank you. - -He.--I should thank you, instead. Now, I am to remember, first, that -Golden Rule Number I is.: AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS. Rule Number -II.: DO NOT ASK QUESTION NUMBER TWO UNTIL QUESTION NUMBER ONE HAS -BEEN ANSWERED; and, furthermore, one must be neither too curious -nor too disinterested; that is, one must not ask too few nor too -many questions; just enough. I fear that I shall find it difficult -to observe this rule, but I shall try to acquire the tact that is -necessary for one to have. May I practice the art when with you? - -She.--That will be charming, and you may begin at once. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER III - -_Do not interrupt another while he is speaking._ - - -He.--So we agree that the greatest fault that a person can have is to -ask questions, and then, without waiting for the answers, to plunge -at once into a detailed account of his own doings. I have discovered -another fault, and one, I fear, that I, too, possess; that is, to ask -questions concerning the welfare of my friend and of his family, and -then after he has gotten fairly under way in the recital of his woes, -to interrupt him with irrelevant remarks. - -She.--I am sure that you haven't this fault, although it is very -common. It is based upon the principle that people, as a rule, are -vitally concerned only in what concerns themselves. I have a friend -who maintains that no one really enjoys listening to what another -has to say. He says that the interested (?) listener is interested -only in having the other person finish in order that he may have the -opportunity to tell his story. - -He.--I note, however, that, as a rule, people recite their woes, and -not their "weals." But, of course, that depends upon the individual. -Some persons always have a "hard luck story;" others, dwell upon the -bright happenings in their lives. - -She.--I think we each can recall some friend whose greatest pleasure -is to pose as a martyr; another, who, no matter what are his ills, has -always something of interest to impart pertaining to some good fortune, -fancied or otherwise, which has befallen him. - -He.--Speaking of our faults, I think that the best way to correct them -is to notice them in our friends, and then to try to avoid them. But, -of course, you haven't any. - -She.--Any friends? - -He.--Any faults, of course. - -She.--I fear that you are not a good critic. - -He.--I may not be; but you certainly have none of the bad habits that -we have enumerated. - -She.--Oh! you couldn't see them if I had. - -He.--From sheer stupidity? - -She.--Hardly; only as far as I am concerned, you have become accustomed -to think of me as did Dick of Maisie, in "The Light that Failed" that -"The Queen can do no wrong." - -He.--That reminds me--I have just finished reading "The Light that -Failed," and I am sure that I shall never get away from the awfulness -of it--the awfulness of having the light go out forever. - -She.--Kipling makes one see it all so vividly, where he says: - -"'I shan't.' The voice rose in a wail, 'My God! I'm blind, and the -darkness will never go away.' He made as if to leap from the bed, but -Torpenhow's arms were around him, and Torpenhow's chin was on his -shoulder, and his breath was squeezed out of him. He could only gasp, -'Blind!'" - -He.--And again, the picture that Kipling draws of the blind man who -suddenly finds himself unable to do that which he has been accustomed -to do. I have the book with me: - -"A wise man (who is blind) will keep his eyes on the floor and sit -still. For amusement he may pick coal, lump by lump, out of a light -scuttle, with the tongs, and pile it in a little heap by the fender, -keeping count of the lumps, which must all be put back again, one by -one, and very carefully. He may set himself sums if he cares to work -them out; he may talk to himself, or to the cat if she chooses to visit -him; and if his trade has been that of an artist he may sketch in -the air with his forefinger: but that is too much like drawing a pig -with his eyes shut. He may go to his bookshelves and count his books, -ranging them in order of their size; or to his wardrobe and count out -his shirts, laying them in piles of two or three on the bed, as they -suffer from frayed cuffs or lost buttons. Even this entertainment -wearies after a time; and all the times are very, very long." - -I suppose that this portrayal is true to life. - -She.--Undoubtedly, in a way; but I had a novel experience when -traveling East this summer. While on the train, I saw a gentleman, -who was trying to interest a little boy, who did not respond to his -advances. I heard him ask the child whether he was a little boy, and -how old he was. I saw then that the gentleman was blind, and thinking -that he might prefer to talk with me, I introduced myself to him and -found him a most delightful conversationalist. He told me that he -had become blind very suddenly five years ago, but that his work had -not been interrupted for a day since. His position as manager of a -large corporation necessitated his frequent journeying in railroad -trains, but he had continued to travel as before, sometimes with -his secretary, and sometimes alone. He was alone when I met him. He -was certainly delightfully cheerful and entertaining; and withal, he -was fully informed on current topics of interest. It seemed almost -impossible to realize that he was blind. - -He.--His case is extraordinary; but, of course, he was not an artist, -as was poor Dick, before the "light went out." - -I have just discovered another reason why you are so very interesting. -It is because you always have some novel experience to recount. - -She.--Yes; but you know, we decided that people did not care, as a -rule, to hear others talk. - -He.--Well, I shall retract my decision. I have concluded that we -usually like to hear others talk, if they have something interesting to -tell. - -She.--Yes; we are all children, in a sense. Tell us a story, and we -will listen, provided the story-teller knows how to tell it. - -He.--Do you know what I have been thinking of while you were telling me -this incident? - -She.--That we had gotten a long way from our original subject? - -He.--No; I was thinking of how much you had said in comparatively few -words, and that in telling this incident, you had certainly conformed -to Golden Rule Number I.: AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS. - -She.--And you have conformed to both the rules that we have learned. - -He.--Thank you. Let me see, Golden Rule Number I. is: "AVOID -UNNECESSARY DETAILS." Rule Number II.: "NOT TO ASK QUESTION NUMBER TWO -UNTIL QUESTION NUMBER ONE HAS BEEN ANSWERED, nor be too curious nor too -disinterested;" that is, "do not ask too few nor too many questions; -just enough." - -She.--And our new rule, Golden Rule Number III.: DO NOT INTERRUPT -ANOTHER WHILE HE IS SPEAKING. - -He.--How frequently this rule is broken! Many persons, who ordinarily -are well bred, have the very bad habit of interrupting others. But I -deserve no credit for observing Golden Rule Number III., for you are -never tiresome; you never tell a long story. - -She.--No; I don't do that. I knew a gentleman once who used to say with -a groan, to his niece, who was rather verbose, "O Alma! You tell such -a long story. Make it short;" and so I always try to _make my story -short_. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IV - -_Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under -discussion is of trivial importance._ - - -He.--We always seem to drift back to our favorite topic, "How not to -bore." At least, we discuss it so frequently, that I assume we are -mutually interested. - -She.--I assure you that I am very much interested in everything that -assists me in making myself more pleasing to my friends. - -He.--If you would not regard my compliments so dubiously, I should say -that that would be impossible. - -She.--Another case of the infallibility of the queen? But to go back -to our subject, I often wonder whether this pleasure that we take in -receiving the approval of others, is not virtually the root of all -good. It is certainly most fortunate that we do care for the good -opinion of our fellow-beings, and especially where we strive to merit -it. - -Somehow, we never seem to outgrow our childish love for rewards. I -suppose that if the truth were told, much that we think we do for -the sake of culture, is really done for the sake of Dame Grundy. Of -course, I do not mean as applied to vain self-glorification, but -rather to our higher aims and purposes. Most of us, for example, think -that we make great efforts along the lines of self-improvement for -the soul-satisfaction that our efforts may give us; but I wonder how -steadfastly one would work--each at his chosen calling--if one were on -a desert island, remote from "all the haunts of men." But to return -to our subject, you say that your latest discovery is that even grown -persons contradict one another. I thought that only children had this -fault. - -He.--So did I; but my attention was called to this a few days since -when visiting my sister. While she was telling me something of great -interest to us both, her little daughter contradicted her several -times in the course of our conversation. Partly because I was annoyed, -and partly because I wished to teach the child a lesson, I said to -my sister, "Have you ever noticed how frequently children contradict -their elders? It is certainly one of the greatest faults that a child -can have." "Yes," she answered, "but many grown persons have the same -fault." And when I expressed surprise, she added, "If you are inclined -to doubt the truth of this assertion, just try to tell something in -the hearing of others who are familiar with the story, and you will -soon discern that the fault is not confined to children." And then I -discovered this fault not only in others, but also in myself. - -She.--Oh, dear! maybe I, too, am guilty of the same offence. - -He.--I am sure that you never contradict any one in the way that I -mean. It is certainly very embarrassing to make a statement, and -then to have it contradicted, even though the matter is of little -consequence. - -She.--How many rules have we learned so far? - -He.--Golden Rule Number I. is: "AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS." Rule -Number II.: "DO NOT ASK QUESTION NUMBER TWO UNTIL NUMBER ONE HAS BEEN -ANSWERED"; DO NOT BE TOO CURIOUS NOR TOO DISINTERESTED; that is, do not -ask too many questions nor too few; just enough. Rule Number III.: DO -NOT INTERRUPT ANOTHER WHILE HE IS SPEAKING. - -She.--And our new rule, Golden Rule Number IV.: DO NOT CONTRADICT -ANOTHER, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SUBJECT UNDER DISCUSSION IS ONE OF TRIVIAL -IMPORTANCE. - -He.--So, if Mrs. Van Stretcher tells us that Mrs. De Waters has crossed -the ocean a dozen times in as many years, we are not to say, "Pardon -us, only six, as she goes abroad only once in two years, which makes -just--Oh, yes! just twelve times." - -She.--Yes, the person who contradicts, frequently restates the matter -merely in another way. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER V - -_Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance._ - - -He.--You haven't asked me about my golden discovery. - -She.--Oh, dear! is there still another rule to learn? You know, we have -already had four. - -He.--No; this isn't a rule. I have about come to the conclusion -that people are charming in proportion as they can rise above the -commonplace. Of course they must observe all our golden rules, but -this observance alone will not make them interesting in conversation. -Last night, for example, I never was so greatly bored as when talking -with a young lady to whom I had been recently introduced. She was so -well bred that she observed all the golden rules from A to Z, and yet -she was tiresome beyond endurance, simply _because she hadn't a soul_. -She was a Philistine of the deepest dye. I must say that I am so -conventional, in a way, that I eschew Bohemianism, but an out-and-out -Philistine,--give me a Bohemian every time. - -She.--Then, I suppose that Golden Rule Number V. would be: "ACQUIRE A -SOUL,--AND ASSUME ONE IF YOU HAVE IT NOT." - -He.--I suppose it is innate--one's soul, which to me stands for one's -love of the beautiful--for the ideal. You see, whatever you speak -about, you lift out of the commonplace. Life seems quite "worth the -while," when I am with you. All the inspiring things--books, music, -painting--take on a new meaning when we talk about them. Last evening -my newly-made acquaintance and I discussed these subjects, but they did -not interest me. Julia Marlowe, whom she had just seen, was merely a -pretty woman who dressed perfectly; the latest book was something that -bored, but that had to be read because everybody else was reading it. -Music was an unknown quantity. What shall we do with Philistines like -this? - -She.--Leave them to their idols. They will not be alone, for there -are many to keep them company. The trouble with many persons is that -they do not cultivate an admiration for the beautiful--beautiful -pictures, exquisite music, delightful books. They live in a world -of materialism. Handsome houses, exquisite paintings, well-filled -libraries are to them mere possessions--valuable because they are the -embodied insignia of wealth. The person of high ideals delights in the -beautiful, because it brings him into harmony with that perfection for -which he strives. In a beautiful painting, he sees the reaching out -of the artist to produce not what is, but what should be; in a great -literary production, the master intellect that can mold words as wax in -the hands of an artisan; in beautiful music, the soul of the composer -who can make one feel all that he has felt when under the magic sway of -harmony; and, so, beautiful things are loved, not alone for themselves, -but for what they represent; for nothing beautiful has ever existed -without its master creator--the power behind the throne--where the -monarch beauty is at the beck and call of that giant--intellect. - -He.--Then, if we are to belong to the class who love the beautiful or -what it represents, we are to cultivate our souls--that part of us -which brings us _en rapport_ with the divine in the universe. We are -not to be sordid; we must not wish simply to possess--we must cultivate -a love for the ideal--for what the beautiful represents. - -She.--Yes; and this can be done. In our modern schools, the best in -literature, in art, in music, is brought to the children. The child -of to-day learns of Mozart, of Handel, of Wagner, and hears their -music. He sees representations of great masterpieces of art, and learns -to love the beautiful Madonnas of Raphael--to know the paintings of -Rosa Bonheur--of Jean Francois Millet. This education can not fail to -instill in children a love for the beautiful. To them the world takes -on a roseate tinge, while their minds eventually become store-houses -in which are garnered the treasured thoughts of the ages. Nothing in -every-day life can be wholly commonplace; each peculiar incident in -life, each peculiar mood of nature brings its accompanying suggestion. - -He.--Do you know, you are saying what I should like to say, but what I -cannot find words to express. Possibly, that is one reason why I enjoy -your society more than that of all others--because you say the things -that I would say, if I could but express my thoughts. It is for this -reason that we admire an author, because he puts into words what we -think; what we feel. - -She.--I think we should add Golden Rule Number V. to our list, namely, -DO NOT DO ALL THE TALKING; GIVE YOUR TIRED LISTENER AN OPPORTUNITY TO -SPEAK. - -He.--I am sure that I would rather listen than talk when you are with -me. - -She.--I am half inclined to believe you, for you are certainly -perfect--as a listener. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VI - -_Be not continually the hero of your own story; and, on the other hand, -do not leave your story without a hero._ - - -He.--"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, - Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness; - So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, - Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence." - -She.--And what recalled the poem? - -He.--I was thinking of the people whom we meet, and who "speak us in -the passing." People whom we may never meet again, but whom we never -can forget. - -She.--That intangible something which makes us wish to become more -closely associated with our newly-made acquaintance,--what is it? It -is indefinable. We meet some one at the theater, at the club, at -the social function, and there lingers with us for many days, the -remembrance of the few brief moments in which we felt that we were as -"twin spirits moving musically to a lute's well ordered law." Strange -as it may seem, we live in a world of people,--people to the right of -us, people to the left of us, everywhere about us, and only here and -there a kindred spirit in whose moral and mental atmosphere we bask as -in the rays of sunshine. This something that makes us feel that only -the element of time is needed to make of our newly-formed acquaintance -a friend that shall last through life,--what is it? A warm hand clasp, -a friendly word, and in one brief moment that mysterious something that -clouds the soul, is thrown aside, and in our sky a new star appears as -fixed as Polaris in the heavens. - -When we have an experience of this kind, although we may have -interchanged but few words with our new friend, we feel intuitively -that we could spend many hours together and that we should never tire -of exchanging ideas. - -He.--Yes; but does this not presuppose a mind stored with those -"treasured thoughts" about which we were speaking in our last -conversation? - -She.--Possibly, in a sense; but first of all, it presupposes harmony -of taste, of feeling, of ideas. This does not mean, of course, that -each shall agree with the other in all essentials, but that each shall -have the same broad and intelligent way of looking at a subject, and a -consideration each for the other's opinions. - -He.--I think, though, that as a basis for harmonious intercourse, there -must be an elimination of self. No one who is thoroughly selfish can -interest any one but himself. It seems to me that the ideal relation -between friends presupposes an entire elimination of self. - -She.--Not necessarily so. One of the most tiresome persons that I -know, is a gentleman who never refers to himself, to his aspirations, -or to his plans; and for this reason, he fails entirely to awaken in -his listener any interest in his personality whatsoever. He is the -antipode of the person who talks only of what interests him. The person -who uses discretion will not avoid all reference to himself, nor will -he continually make himself the hero of his own story. It behooves us -all to examine ourselves, and if we have either one of these faults to -rid ourselves of it at once. In directing the trend of conversation, -the tactful person will choose topics of mutual interest. People -are interesting not in proportion as they recount their personal -experiences, but as they evince a broad, general interest in what -concerns others. - -He.--We might add another golden rule to our list,--Golden Rule Number -VI: BE NOT CONTINUALLY THE HERO OF YOUR OWN STORY, NOR ON THE OTHER -HAND, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR STORY WITHOUT A HERO. In other words, it is -fatal to one's success as a conversationalist either to eliminate -oneself entirely or to appear self-centered. - -She.--You might say to _be_ self-centered. Selfishness is one of the -most disagreeable traits that a person can have, and he who has this -to a marked degree should try to eradicate it. Some one has said, "If -we had to count our ills, we would not choose suspense," we might add, -"If we had to choose our faults we _should_ not choose selfishness." A -person may observe all the golden rules that we have enumerated, but if -he is at heart a selfish person, his conversation will lack the charm -that emanates from the whole-souled individual whose first thought is -to interest and entertain others. Let us cultivate an unselfish spirit, -for without this, our words will be but as "sounding brass and tinkling -cymbals." - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VII - -_Choose subject of mutual interest._ - - -He.--And here we are again at one of your charming "at homes," and I, -as usual, am the only guest. - -It is delightful of you to select for my visits those evenings where -there is no possibility of our being interrupted while discussing our -favorite topic. - -She.--If I were "not at home" on these occasions, we should have very -little opportunity to talk about the subjects in which we are mutually -interested. It is decidedly paradoxical, is it not, to be at home under -the circumstances? - -He.--It is, to say the least, decidedly pleasant; for, otherwise, -how should you be able to teach me that delightful art--the Art of -Conversation? I am just selfish enough to exult in my being the only -diplomat at your "salons." - -She.--What is that line about conversation's being like an orchestra -where all the instruments should bear a part, but where none should -play together? - -He.--To my thinking, conversation is most delightful when it is most -unlike an orchestra. For my part, I prefer those charming _duos_ where -the sweet voice of the soprano rises "far above the organ's swell." - -She.--Conversation is more often like an orchestra where all the -instruments play together, and where no particular one can be heard. I -see that a conversation in which many take part is not to your liking. - -He.--As in music, so with my friends, I prefer to follow the -individual; to come into harmony with his thoughts and feelings. The -trite saying that corporations have no souls can be applied with equal -propriety to a body of individuals at a social function, where the -bored look on their faces shows that they have failed to find a subject -of general interest, and are in consequence suffering in durance vile. - -She.--Conversation is enjoyable only when the participants are -equally interested in the subject under discussion; and while it is -not difficult for two persons to find topics of mutual interest, it -is not so easy for several individuals to "hit upon" some topic in -which all are equally interested; consequently, there is much greater -opportunity for enjoyment in social converse where only two are -"gathered together." - -He.--Yes, I know; no matter how apparently dry a subject is to me, it -might be of keen interest to some one else. - -She.--Certainly. Only a few evenings since, I noticed, at a social -function, a lady and gentleman deeply engaged for a long time, in -the discussion of some topic in which each was apparently vitally -interested. I learned afterwards that the gentleman was the -editor-in-chief of a new dictionary recently compiled, and that the -lady was the teacher of English in a college. They were discussing the -relative merits of the diacritical markings of the Century, Standard, -and International dictionaries compared with those of "old Webster." - -He.--I should call that an extremely dry subject. - -She.--Oh! they found it fascinating. They really became excited--not -impolitely so--but deeply absorbed in following each other through the -maze of half circles and dots, straight lines and curved. - -He.--That is why people whom we meet--polite and kindly people--try "to -draw us out," to find what we are interested in, so as not to hinge -the conversation on politics when it should be on potatoes or on poetry. - -She.--The whole secret of pleasant social converse lies in the -participants' finding subjects of mutual interest. Why, I have heard -two persons discuss by the hour the feasibility of raising ducks as a -means of livelihood; others, that of manufacturing a washing-machine -that would wash and boil clothing at the same time. So you see, it -doesn't matter whether the topic is politics or poetry; the latest -work in science or in fiction; whether it is music or painting; the -main point is that the subject shall be of mutual interest to those -discussing it. - -He.--Then we may add another rule to our list--Golden Rule Number VII.: -CHOOSE SUBJECTS OF MUTUAL INTEREST. Don't discuss politics when you -should be talking about poetry; fact, instead of fiction; science, -instead of sunsets. - -She.--Yes; and be sure that both are equally interested or else one or -the other will have that bored look to which you referred a short time -since. - -He.--People sometimes appear interested when they are not. - -She.--Yes; but the keen observer will detect whether the smile extends -farther than the parted lips. If people would be genuine, and less -artificial, after a pleasant evening spent in social converse, there -would linger with one a memory as pleasing and as refreshing as is the -sweet fragrance wafted from country clover fields to the traveler on -the dusty road. In our social intercourse with one another let us omit -all unpleasant topics, and choose only those in which both are equally -interested. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VIII - -_Be a good listener._ - - -He.--And here we are again in your bower--your bower of roses and -carnations. It is always summer here, for there are always flowers. You -wear them, too, as another would wear her jewels. - -[Illustration: THE WOMAN WITH THE ROSE] - - - "She went by dale, and she went by down, - With a single rose in her hair." - - -She.--This is as I like my flowers--around me and about me. -Conservatories have no charm for me, for one cannot live in a -conservatory. I like my roses, where, as I sit and write, I can inhale -their fragrance, and see their wondrous beauty. What is more beautiful -than a rose? - -He.--Wouldn't "The Woman with the Rose" make a nice title for a poem? - -She.--You are really lacking in originality. You never would have -thought of it in the world if "The Man with the Hoe" had not suggested -it. - -He.--Oh! I agree with you that I am not original, and that the title -was suggested; but not, as you think, by "The Man with the Hoe." - -She.--Aren't we wasting valuable time? You know we were going to -discuss Golden Rule Number VIII., and we haven't even decided what it -shall be. - -He.--Be a good listener! Wasn't it Addison who said that the most -skillful flattery was to let a person talk on, and be a good listener? -But somehow, this has such a ring of insincerity. Now, I am sure that I -should not wish to be beguiled into thinking that I was entertaining my -friend when, in reality, I was boring him. - -She.--Yes; but a person who observes all our golden rules will not -"talk on." You know, there are few persons who can "talk on," and not -bore their listeners. Of course, if people were tactful and would -observe Golden Rule Number VII.--CHOOSE TOPICS IN WHICH ALL ARE -INTERESTED--it would not be necessary for the listener to "feign an -interest if he has it not." - -He.--But what are we going to do when we are in the society of those -who do not observe this rule? - -She.--Sometimes, we can enjoy the conversation of others for reasons -opposite to what might be expected. For example, a few days since, I -was one of several guests at a luncheon, and I was very much amused in -noting how subjects, which in themselves seemed very prosaic, could -elicit so much enthusiasm in their discussion. For example, the guests -discussed the making of salads, and much enthusiasm was expended over -a mixture of fruit, nuts, and olive oil. The subject was certainly -highly relevant, as the very kind of salad in question was in evidence, -calling forth enthusiastic encomiums from all. - -He.--I suppose you are often amused at the amount of interest shown in -trivial subjects. - -She.--No; I, too, at times, like to relax, and to talk about subjects -that would seem frivolous to many. While much of my time and close -attention must necessarily be given to study, for this reason, when -there is any diverting influence, I prefer, occasionally, to forget -everything of a serious nature; and, like the bee that goes from flower -to flower to sip of each its sweetness, so I enjoy passing from one -subject to another, discussing only lightly, each in turn. So you see -whether it is salads or pates; Mrs. Campbell or Paderewski; shirred -gowns or pleated, these subjects at times may prove interesting and -diverting. - -He.--But when a person is deeply interested in some special study -that _counts_, I can not see how he can find much satisfaction in the -discussion of topics so very foreign to his specialty. - -She.--As I have just implied, the specialist finds it necessary to -relax. I have in mind a noted physician who spends many of his waking -hours, and hours when he should be sleeping, either in his laboratory -or with his patients; but immediately when he enters his drawing-room -to greet a friend, he forgets his work utterly, for the time being, -and before many minutes have passed, his listener is convulsed with -laughter over some new story--the latest acquisition to the Doctor's -stock. - -He.--Do you know, I often wonder why people do not cultivate the art of -story-telling. It seems to me that if one would entertain one's friends -now and then with a good story, it would enliven what would otherwise -be a very dull occasion. - -She.--Story-tellers--good story-tellers--are probably born, not made; -and yet, the person who is not especially gifted in this art, may -succeed in entertaining his listeners, provided that he has wit -enough to remember the "point," and to couch his language so that the -dénouement is not surmised, for surprise is an important element in the -telling of a story. - -He.--Occasionally, I hear a good story, and one that I wish to -remember, but I can never trust myself to repeat it for fear that I -shall commit the flagrant sin of missing the "point"; and that omission -would, of course, be unpardonable. - -She.--I think you might become a very successful reconteur, if you -would give some attention to the art in question. Of course, the -important thing to remember is, what are the essentials, to omit all -unnecessary details, to keep the listener in suspense and, above all, -_not to omit the point_. We can not all be Charles Lambs nor Sydney -Smiths, but we can each have our little store of "funnycisms" from -which to draw when the occasion is opportune, or the story relevant. - -He.--Well, I suppose we must decide that one must be a good listener -at all hazards, and that one must find something of interest in the -conversation of others even though the subject may be "salads" when it -should be "suffrage," for example. Shall we make "BE A GOOD LISTENER -AT ALL HAZARDS" Golden Rule Number VIII.? - -She.--Yes, I suppose so; but if we could all remember and practice our -other golden rules, we should not need to add this one to the list. - -He.--Let me see whether I can enumerate them. - - - Golden Rule Number 1.--_Avoid unnecessary details._ - - 2.--_Do not ask question number two until number one has been - answered, nor be too curious nor too disinterested; that is, do - not ask too many questions nor too few._ - - 3.--_Do not interrupt another while he is speaking._ - - 4.--_Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under - discussion is of trivial importance._ - - 5.--_Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance._ - - 6.--_Be not continually the hero of your own story; and on the - other hand, do not leave your story without a hero._ - - 7.--_Choose subjects of mutual interest._ - - And our latest acquisition, Golden Rule Number VIII., _Be a good - listener._ - - -She.--You have done remarkably well to remember all these rules. - -He.--Haven't I earned a reward? - -She.--What shall it be? - -He.--The rose in your hair. - -[Illustration: - - How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels - Upon thy bosom fair,--made fairer still - By Luna's silvery beams.] - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IX - -_Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings._ - - -He.--Let us walk along the shore--away from our friends at the hotel. -The night is far too beautiful to spend in discussing the merits of -biscuit and honey compared with those of strawberries and cake. - -She.--And with such a sky and such a scene before them! And the -day--how perfect it has been! - - - * * * * "The blue sky - Leaned silently above, and all its high - And azure-circled roof beneath the wave, - Was imaged back and seemed the deep to pave - With its transparent beauty." - - -He.--Oh! they're not thinking of the sea nor of the sky. Although when -I saw one of the ladies gazing intently at the moon, I thought that -she, like you and me, had succumbed to the influence of its magic -beams; but I very soon became disillusioned, for I heard her suddenly -exclaim, "Oh, I wish I had some Welsh rarebit! I am so very fond of -Welsh rarebit." - -She.--Her thoughts were evidently relevant, as the moon probably -suggested to her, green cheese, and from that, it was only a step to -the toasted article. I dislike to hear a person express a fondness for -food. I know that it is correct to use "fond" in this way; but to me -"fondness" should be used only with reference to one's friends; but to -be fond of "Welsh rarebit"! I should prefer to use another expression. - -He.--Of course you aren't fond of anything but flowers, and books, and -music,--Oh! and the moon. - -She.--And people; they come first. - -He.--Everybody? - -She.--Not everybody, only a few. - -He.--Including---- - -She.--I think that we should go back to our friends. - -He.--And discuss "Welsh rarebit"? Let us take this boat and glide over -the "silvery lake." We can find more interesting subjects to talk about -than edibles; and, if we cannot, we can at least be silent and let the -glorious night speak for us. - -She.--Because of just such nights, I come here every year. - -He.--But the moon, like the sun, shines everywhere for all. - -She.--Yes, but not everywhere alike. There must be trees with branches -outspread to catch its silvery beams, and giant hills in the distance -to form a heavy background. The full moon shining on our great Lake -Michigan is a glorious sight, but that which is needed to make the -scene perfect is not there. But here--nothing is wanting. - - - O beauteous Lake! - How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels - Upon thy bosom fair,--made fairer still - By Luna's silvery beams. - - -He.--The poet is nature's interpreter. He expresses what we feel; what -we should wish to say, were we able to express our thoughts in poetic -language. But sometimes he does not interpret truly. Wasn't it Browning -who said: - - - "Never the time and the place - And the loved one altogether"? - - -She.--I don't see the relevancy of the quotation. We must go back to -the hotel. Our friends will miss us. - -He.--But you haven't heard my lesson yet, as we used to say in school. -I have to recite all the golden rules, and add our new one. What shall -it be? - -She.--Rule Number IX.: ONE'S SPEECH SHOULD BE IN HARMONY WITH ONE'S -SURROUNDINGS. - -He.--In other words, a person should not talk about cheese when the -moon would be a more fitting topic. - -She.--Or, when it might be more fitting to remain silent. - -He.--Some one has said, "Silence is the virtue of the feeble," but it -is probably as often the virtue of the wise. - -She.--It was Carlyle who said: "Consider the significance of SILENCE: -it is boundless, never by meditating to be exhausted, unspeakably -profitable to thee: Cease that chaotic hubbub, wherein thy own soul -runs to waste, to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of -Silence comes thy strength. 'Speech is silvern, Silence is golden; -Speech is human, Silence is divine.'" - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER X - -_Do not exaggerate._ - - -He.--You may remember that one of the extracts that I read to you -from my note-book referred to exaggeration in conversation. Do you -know, I have been paying attention to this fault, and I find that it -is decidedly general even with people who are supposed to be honest -and sincere. It is really one phase of falsifying; in my opinion, it -is a very disagreeable habit, and one that a person should try to rid -himself of. - -She.--Parents can not be too careful in the bringing up of their -children to see that they do not form the habit of exaggerating what -they undertake to tell. Why! Some persons can not make the simplest -statement without exaggerating the facts. For instance, if one -undertakes to give the price of a garment or of some furniture, the -amount paid is always increased in the telling of the story; and so -with the narration of trivial events--the speaker will enlarge his -statements until he presents a distorted picture to the mental vision -of the listener. - -The exaggeration of facts should certainly be avoided; and a person can -overcome this tendency in himself, if, when he finds that he is making -a misstatement, he will correct himself, and give a true version. For -example, if he finds that he is fixing the cost of a possession at -five dollars, when it should be four dollars and fifty cents, he can -correct the error without even betraying his intention to falsify. By -doing this, he gradually trains himself to adhere to facts; for, while -the price of the article may be a matter of small consequence, it is a -matter of far more importance that the person who has the habit shall -correct his tendency to misstate facts. So again, when one is narrating -an incident in one's experience, the same strict adherence to the facts -should be observed. In this way a person establishes a reputation for -veracity. We all have friends in whose statements we place no reliance, -simply because we know that they invariably exaggerate every fact that -comes within their observation or experience. I know of no fault in -conversation that is more grievous than this nor that can give one such -a general air of insincerity in all things. - -He.--I know, I have friends whom I can not believe--no matter how -serious they are in impressing upon me, the truth of the information -that they are so willing to impart. - -She.--Of course, when persons of this kind attack the reputation -of others then, indeed, does their fault become a serious one; but -there are many, otherwise well-meaning, persons who would not speak -ill of another, who place themselves continually at a disadvantage -by their exaggerated speech. There is the school-girl, for example, -who finds every person and thing _perfectly lovely_--or _perfectly -horrid_, as the case may be; who had the _most beautiful_ time in her -life last night; who finds her teacher _divine_; tennis, a _dream of -delight_--everything, no matter what, is _just dandy_--or _dear_. Later -in life, she may exaggerate as to her husband's income; her children's -virtues or appearance; the price of her garments--and in this way she -will acquire the unenviable reputation for insincerity, unreliability. -No one will give any credence to what she says, simply because she is -known always to exaggerate the facts. - -He.--I feel as you do, and when I find myself enlarging upon the facts, -I try immediately to correct my fault and adhere to an actual recital. - -She.--Of course, we know that in telling a story for the sake of -its humor, a person will sometimes lapse into an enlargement of the -details, but, as Rudyard Kipling would say, "That is another story." - -He.--Had we not better make this Golden Rule Number X.? - -I wonder whether I can recite all the Golden Rules: - - - Golden Rule Number 1.--_Avoid unnecessary details._ - - 2.--_Do not ask question number two until number one has been - answered, nor be too curious nor too disinterested; that is, do - not ask too many questions nor too few._ - - 3.--_Do not interrupt another while he is speaking._ - - 4.--_Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under - discussion is of trivial importance._ - - 5.--_Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance._ - - 6.--_Be not continually the hero of your own story; and, on the - other hand, do not leave your story without a hero._ - - 7.--_Choose subjects of mutual interest._ - - 8.--_Be a good listener._ - - 9.--_Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings._ - - 10.--_Do not exaggerate_--our new rule. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XI - -_Indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation, but do not garble it._ - - -He.--I have just been reading a very interesting article entitled -"Learning by Heart," and I have become impressed with the idea that one -should occasionally commit to memory inspiring passages in verse and -prose. In the language of the author: "They may come to us in our dull -moments, to refresh us as with spring flowers; in our selfish musings, -to win us by pure delight from the tyranny of foolish castle-building, -self-congratulations, and mean anxieties. They may be with us in -the workshop, in the crowded streets, by the fireside; sometimes -on pleasant hill-sides, or by sounding shores; noble friends and -companions--our own! never intrusive, ever at hand, coming at our call." - -She.--Some one has said that an apt quotation is as good as an original -remark. It is certainly always relevant. We cannot all be Wordsworths -or Tennysons; Charles Lambs or Carlyles, but we can make some of their -best thoughts our own. A conversation or a letter in which some choice -quotation finds a place, is certainly thus improved and lifted above -the commonplace. It was Johnson who said that classical quotation was -the parole of literary men all over the world. - -He.--For a long time, I have been copying in a note-book, extracts -that have interested me, but it did not occur to me to commit them to -memory. Hereafter, I shall do so, for I am sure that it will add to my -resources both in conversation and in letter-writing. - -She.--Some of the most delightful letters that I have ever received -have been those in which there have been quotations, so relevant, so -charming that, for the time being, they seemed to have been written for -me alone. - -He.--I have always hesitated to interpolate my conversation or letters -with quotations, for fear that I might seem to be airing my familiarity -with classical literature. - -She.--Of course, one does not wish to appear pedantic; and one will -not, if one will use the quotation for the occasion, instead of making -an occasion for the quotation. The proportions, too, of a conversation -or a letter must be preserved. If one is talking about a commonplace -subject, the quotation, if one is made, should be in keeping with the -thought. As a clever writer has said, "A dull face invites a dull -fate," and so with a commonplace subject; the treatment should be in -accordance with it. - -He.--Some persons are never able to quote a passage or tell an anecdote -without perverting the meaning. In fact, I have long been interested in -noticing how inexact the majority of people are in making statements of -all kinds. I can recall several friends who are unreliable in what they -say. Their statements should be "checked up"--verified, as we say in -business. - -She.--As some one has said: "A garbled quotation may be the -most effectual perversion of an author's meaning; and a partial -representation of an incident in a man's life may be the most malignant -of all calumnies." - -He.--How very relevant that quotation is. You have certainly just -exemplified your own suggestion, namely, that the quotation should be -used to suit the occasion. - -Shall we make this Golden Rule Number XI.: OCCASIONALLY INDULGE IN A -RELEVANT QUOTATION, BUT DO NOT GARBLE IT? - -She.--Certainly; a Golden Rule that it is well occasionally to observe. - - - - -GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XII - -_Cultivate tact._ - - -He.--"Consider the significance of SILENCE: it is boundless, never by -meditating to be exhausted, unspeakably profitable to thee. Cease that -chaotic hubbub, wherein thy own soul runs to waste to confused suicidal -dislocation and stupor; out of SILENCE comes thy strength. Speech is -silvern, silence is golden; speech is human, silence is divine." - -She.--And what suggested the lines from Carlyle? - -He.--Oh! I was thinking of one of the extracts in my list of quotations -relevant to our subject, "The Art of Conversation." "It is when you -come close to a man in conversation that you discover what his real -abilities are." One might add, _and what they are not_. - -She.--And I suppose that the line suggested the thought that, in many -instances, to quote Carlyle again, "Speech is silvern, silence is -golden; speech is human, silence is divine." - -He.--Undoubtedly, in many instances, it would be better to preserve a -discreet silence than to say that which is disagreeable or untruthful. -Of course the tactful person can frequently so turn the conversation as -to be obliged to adopt neither alternative. - -She.--One should always be truthful, and one should never say that -which would be displeasing to the listener,--of course, we must except -those semi-disagreeable things which we sometimes feel privileged to -say to our relatives or our best friends, on the ground that we are -champions on the side of truth. - -He.--I have always maintained that it is only a true friend who will -tell the unpleasant _home_ truths. - -She.--Yes; we can all remember occasions when our expressed resentment -at some well-meant criticism offered by a member of the family, for -example, was met by the rejoinder that _it was the truth_. - -He.--The "truth" is not always pleasing to the ear, and I agree with -you that, except in the case of the privileged few, only the pleasing -things should be told. - -She.--That is all--provided, of course, that they are at the same time -truthful. - -He.--And if they are not? - -She.--Then they should be left unsaid, for one's speech should never be -insincere or flippant. - -He.--To be told that one is not looking well, or is looking ill, or -older, as the case may be, is certainly not conducive to pleasant -feelings on the part of the listener. - -She.--Frequently, the person who would not be guilty of offenses of -this kind, will arrive at the same results in an indirect way. For -example, A, who may be too polite to tell B that he is getting "along -in years," will ask him whether the handsome young lady seen in his -company at the theater the previous evening _is his daughter_, thinking -thus to compliment him as being the proud parent of so beautiful a -maiden; whereas, A, who prides himself upon his youthful appearance, -and thinks that he is "holding his own" against Father Time, fails -to appreciate the "would-be" compliment. Mrs. C informs Mrs. D that -she looks ten years younger since becoming _so stout_, while Mrs. E. -advises Mrs. F. to buy a hat, as up-to-date _elderly_ women no longer -wear bonnets; and so on through the alphabet. - -He.--Oh! I suppose it is impossible for people who are so obtuse as -these to go through the world without blundering at every step. - -She.--I don't know. It seems to me that these unthinking people might -be taught to think. Surely, we can all learn by observation and -experience; and it would seem that persons fairly introspective might -discover that it is not direct speech alone that wounds or offends. -We all know that the prettiest compliments are often those which are -implied; and, conversely, sometimes it is the suggestive criticism or -censure that wounds the most. - -He.--Then we must remember that we should keep our minds alert; that we -must not be found napping; that it is not sufficient that we refrain -from giving pointed home thrusts, but that we should never, even by -indirect speech, leave with our listener an unpleasant memory. - -She.--Yes; we meet some people,--often only for a moment,--only once, -perhaps, in a lifetime; but it is possible, in many instances, to make -that moment linger forever as a pleasant memory to that other. We can -all remember some occasion when there was merely a handclasp, when but -few words were spoken, but the memory is ours forever. Something that -was said, perhaps, seemingly trivial, but glorified by the speaker's -smile, by the sincerity of his heart. - -He.--After all, to sum it up, it is the word T-A-C-T, or the lack of -it, that makes a person correspondingly agreeable or disagreeable in -his social intercourse with another. Someone has defined tact as the -art of pleasing, and so I should think we might add this mandate to our -golden rules--_Cultivate the art of pleasing,--say the right thing or -say nothing._ - -Now, I am going to recite all our golden rules, for I know them by -heart: - - - Golden Rule Number 1.--_Avoid unnecessary details._ - - 2.--_Do not ask question number two until number one has been - answered; nor be too curious and, too disinterested; that is do - not ask too many questions nor too few._ - - 3.--_Do not interrupt another while he is speaking._ - - 4.--_Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under - discussion is of trivial importance._ - - 5.--_Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance._ - - 6.--_Be not continually the hero of your own story; nor, on the - other hand, do not leave your story without a hero._ - - 7.--_Choose subjects of mutual interest._ - - 8.--_Be a good listener._ - - 9.--_Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings._ - - 10.--_Do not exaggerate._ - - 11.--_Indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation, but do not - garble it._ - - 12.--_Cultivate tact--our new rule._ - - -[Illustration: Decoration] - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ART OF CONVERSATION*** - - -******* This file should be named 63995-8.txt or 63995-8.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/6/3/9/9/63995 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it -under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this -eBook or online at <a -href="http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you are not -located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this ebook.</p> -<p>Title: The Art of Conversation</p> -<p> Twelve Golden Rules</p> -<p>Author: Josephine Turck Baker</p> -<p>Release Date: December 9, 2020 [eBook #63995]</p> -<p>Language: English</p> -<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> -<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ART OF CONVERSATION***</p> -<p> </p> -<h4 class="pgx" title="">E-text prepared by Turgut Dincer, Martin Pettit,<br /> - and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> - (https://www.pgdp.net)<br /> - from page images generously made available by<br /> - Internet Archive<br /> - (https://archive.org)</h4> -<p> </p> -<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> - <tr> - <td valign="top"> - Note: - </td> - <td> - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/artofconversatio01bake - </td> - </tr> -</table> -<p> </p> -<hr class="pgx" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<div class="center"><img src="images/front.jpg" alt="front" /></div> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> - -<h1>THE ART OF<br /> CONVERSATION<br /> TWELVE GOLDEN RULES</h1> - -<div class="center"><img src="images/dec.jpg" alt="decoration" /></div> - -<p class="bold space-above">BY</p> - -<p class="bold2">JOSEPHINE TURCK BAKER</p> - -<p class="bold">AUTHOR OF<br />CORRECT ENGLISH: A COMPLETE GRAMMAR<br />TEN THOUSAND WORDS: HOW -TO PRONOUNCE THEM<br />AND EDITOR OF THE MAGAZINE<br />CORRECT ENGLISH: HOW TO USE IT</p> - -<hr class="smler" /> - -<p class="bold">PUBLISHED BY<br />CORRECT ENGLISH PUBLISHING COMPANY<br />EVANSTON, ILLINOIS</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Copyright</span>, 1907<br /> -BY<br /><span class="smcap">Josephine Turck Baker</span></p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> - -<p class="bold2">THE ART OF CONVERSATION</p> - -<hr class="smler" /> - -<p class="bold">TWELVE GOLDEN RULES</p> - -<hr class="smler" /> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER I</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Avoid unnecessary details.</i></p> - -<p>He.—Do you know that what you say always interests me?</p> - -<p>She.—That is because we are such good comrades.</p> - -<p>He.—Not altogether. I think that it is because you never dwell upon -details.</p> - -<p>She.—Then, one is interesting in conversation according as one omits -details?</p> - -<p>He.—Unnecessary details.</p> - -<p>She.—I remember that, when visiting some friends whom I had not -seen for several years, my hostess said to me, "Ever since your -arrival, I have been trying to discover why you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> are so interesting -in conversation, and I have decided that it is because you omit -unnecessary details." I felt that my hostess had paid me a high -compliment.</p> - -<p>He.—Yes; but one that you deserve. Now, even in telling this incident, -you were direct. The bore would have "side-tracked," and would have -told innumerable and irrelevant details. I don't believe you could bore -a person if you were to try.</p> - -<p>She.—I am quite sure that I could. Listen to this: "Several years -ago,—four years ago just,—this last June; no, it was only three -years ago, because I remember now that four years ago I did not attend -the alumnae reunion of our college, and so it must have been three -years ago,—I was the guest of one of the members of my class,—I was -attending the annual reunion of the alumnae of our college,—almost -every year I attend the alumnae reunion of our college,—and on this -occasion, I was the guest of one of the members of my class. She had -not been attending the reunions, and so I had not seen her for several -years,—five years at least, and——"</p> - -<p>He.—Pardon my interruption, but you are a success.</p> - -<p>She.—As a bore? </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—No; as an imitator. I think that you should have been an actress.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; I think that Nature intended me for one; and I could have -"acted." Indeed, I usually find it difficult not to act; that is, I -find it difficult to be myself.</p> - -<p>He.—Like "Sensational Tommy" in "Tommy and Grizel"?</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; in a way.</p> - -<p>He.—And why were you not an actress? Was it because you did not know -that you had talent?</p> - -<p>She.—From an opposite reason. I had so many talents that, like the -woman in "Mother Goose," I hardly knew what to do.</p> - -<p>He.—That sounds modest. You probably would have been a great actress.</p> - -<p>She.—I might not have been. Sometimes, you know, persons who are very -gifted seem to miss the best that life has to offer.</p> - -<p>He.—I have decided that you are interesting, not because you do not -"sidetrack," but because you have such a stupendous amount of conceit. -You seem to be fully aware of what you possess. It is delightful.</p> - -<p>She.—My talent or my conceit?</p> - -<p>He.—Both.</p> - -<p>She.—I am sure that if any one else possessed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> my talents, I should -not hesitate to speak of them. Why should I not speak of mine?</p> - -<p>He.—That is one way to look at it. Now, I suppose if I were to tell -you that you were very gifted, you would say, "Thank you; I think that -I am, too,"—or words to that effect.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; I think that I should respond in some such way. Why should I -not? Why shouldn't I recognize my gifts and be thankful for them?</p> - -<p>He.—Well, usually, you know, when any one receives a compliment, he is -apt to regard it as flattery, and to treat it accordingly; or, if he -thinks the praise is merited, his words are apt to belie his thoughts.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes, but that brooks of insincerity. However, we are a long way -from our subject. We were wondering why some persons "bore" and why -some do not. We decided that one must under no circumstances enter into -too many details.</p> - -<p>He.—They are ruinous. If a person is very polite, he will feign an -interest that he does not feel. Often, however, he betrays, by an -absent expression, that the "details" have done their "deadly work." -You always seem interested, I notice, even when the narrator has -wandered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> from the main road into innumerable by-paths.</p> - -<p>She.—I appear interested, because I am interested, for I am -continually on the alert to find out just how he is going to get back -to the main road. I find, however, that in the majority of cases, he -never gets back. He is lost in such a labyrinth that, as compared -with it, the Garden of Versailles and the "maze" of Hampton Court -are as naught; and just as these world-famed networks have a kind of -attraction for the curious, so I find it interesting to follow the bore -as he goes from one intricate passage into another in his endeavor to -find an exit. But I must leave him to his fate, or I, too, shall be -lost in a "maze" and shall not be able to find the main path.</p> - -<p>He.—Then, Golden Rule Number I is: <span class="smcap">Avoid Unnecessary Details</span>. -I shall try to remember the rule, and profit by its significance.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER II</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Do not ask question number two until number one has been answered.</i></p> - -<p>He.—Since our last visit, I have been noticing the faults of my -friends in conversation, and I have concluded that the most glaring -fault one can have is to ask questions and then not wait for the -answers. I have one friend in particular who, whenever he meets me asks -in the most solicitous way about my family, my health, etc., and then -before I have an opportunity to respond, he proceeds to tell me about -himself, his family, his ills, and the like.</p> - -<p>She.—I know the species very well. In fact, I have classified my -friends according to their respective merits as listeners.</p> - -<p>He.—And where have you placed me?</p> - -<p>She.—At the head of the list.</p> - -<p>He.—As the greatest offender?</p> - -<p>She.—No; as the least. You always wait until I answer one question -before you ask another. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—Thank you. Do I ask many questions?</p> - -<p>She.—Not too many. You may have noticed that there are as many persons -who ask too few questions as there are who ask too many.</p> - -<p>He.—I must say that I had never thought of that.</p> - -<p>She.—To ask many questions often indicates an undue amount of -curiosity on the part of the questioner; to ask too few, a lack -of interest. The reason why some persons are so very prosaic and -uninteresting is that they are entirely absorbed in themselves; in -consequence, they ask few or no questions whatever, showing that they -are not in the least concerned in what interests their friends. There -is a happy mean where one shows neither curiosity nor disinterest.</p> - -<p>He.—In asking questions, we are apt to stir up a hornet's nest, so to -speak, for our friends sometimes respond at such length that we are -inclined to wish that we had shown less interest.</p> - -<p>She.—That is where it is so necessary to remember the golden rule that -we spoke of in our last conversation, namely, <span class="smaller">AVOID UNNECESSARY -DETAILS</span>.</p> - -<p>He.—Yes; and as I have already told you,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> that is why you are always -interesting; you never bore one with a "long story."</p> - -<p>She.—I usually try to treat all my friends as carefully as if each one -bore a tag marked, "<span class="smcap">This is my busy day; make it short.</span>"</p> - -<p>He.—Yes; or, "<span class="smcap">If you have any time to kill, kill your own.</span>" -At what a rapid pace we live, anyway. People in the country—the -peasant class—are never in a hurry. They talk slowly, eat slowly, and -work at the same laggard pace.</p> - -<p>She.—In other words, they exist, but do not live. They do not enjoy -what we enjoy. A daily feast is spread before them, but they do not -partake of it. What do they know of glowing sunsets and of moonlit -waves; of shaded walks through pathless woods; of narrow streams -in-walled with trees? The sunset tells the peasant only of what the -weather will bring to his crops; the stretch of velvet through which -the streamlet winds, of green pastures for his flocks. But I have -gotten away from my subject. In other words, like the bore, I have -"side-tracked."</p> - -<p>He.—Only what you say does not bore.</p> - -<p>She.—You mean, not you.</p> - -<p>He.—Nor any one else.</p> - -<p>She.—Thank you.</p> - -<p>He.—I should thank you, instead. Now, I am to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> remember, first, that -Golden Rule Number I is.: <span class="smcap">Avoid unnecessary details</span>. Rule -Number II.: <span class="smcap">Do not ask question number two until question number -one has been answered</span>; and, furthermore, one must be neither too -curious nor too disinterested; that is, one must not ask too few nor -too many questions; just enough. I fear that I shall find it difficult -to observe this rule, but I shall try to acquire the tact that is -necessary for one to have. May I practice the art when with you?</p> - -<p>She.—That will be charming, and you may begin at once.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER III</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.</i></p> - -<p>He.—So we agree that the greatest fault that a person can have is to -ask questions, and then, without waiting for the answers, to plunge -at once into a detailed account of his own doings. I have discovered -another fault, and one, I fear, that I, too, possess; that is, to ask -questions concerning the welfare of my friend and of his family, and -then after he has gotten fairly under way in the recital of his woes, -to interrupt him with irrelevant remarks.</p> - -<p>She.—I am sure that you haven't this fault, although it is very -common. It is based upon the principle that people, as a rule, are -vitally concerned only in what concerns themselves. I have a friend -who maintains that no one really enjoys listening to what another -has to say. He says that the interested (?) listener is interested -only in having the other person finish in order that he may have the -opportunity to tell his story. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—I note, however, that, as a rule, people recite their woes, and -not their "weals." But, of course, that depends upon the individual. -Some persons always have a "hard luck story;" others, dwell upon the -bright happenings in their lives.</p> - -<p>She.—I think we each can recall some friend whose greatest pleasure -is to pose as a martyr; another, who, no matter what are his ills, has -always something of interest to impart pertaining to some good fortune, -fancied or otherwise, which has befallen him.</p> - -<p>He.—Speaking of our faults, I think that the best way to correct them -is to notice them in our friends, and then to try to avoid them. But, -of course, you haven't any.</p> - -<p>She.—Any friends?</p> - -<p>He.—Any faults, of course.</p> - -<p>She.—I fear that you are not a good critic.</p> - -<p>He.—I may not be; but you certainly have none of the bad habits that -we have enumerated.</p> - -<p>She.—Oh! you couldn't see them if I had.</p> - -<p>He.—From sheer stupidity?</p> - -<p>She.—Hardly; only as far as I am concerned, you have become accustomed -to think of me as did Dick of Maisie, in "The Light that Failed" that -"The Queen can do no wrong." </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—That reminds me—I have just finished reading "The Light that -Failed," and I am sure that I shall never get away from the awfulness -of it—the awfulness of having the light go out forever.</p> - -<p>She.—Kipling makes one see it all so vividly, where he says:</p> - -<p>"'I shan't.' The voice rose in a wail, 'My God! I'm blind, and the -darkness will never go away.' He made as if to leap from the bed, but -Torpenhow's arms were around him, and Torpenhow's chin was on his -shoulder, and his breath was squeezed out of him. He could only gasp, -'Blind!'"</p> - -<p>He.—And again, the picture that Kipling draws of the blind man who -suddenly finds himself unable to do that which he has been accustomed -to do. I have the book with me:</p> - -<p>"A wise man (who is blind) will keep his eyes on the floor and sit -still. For amusement he may pick coal, lump by lump, out of a light -scuttle, with the tongs, and pile it in a little heap by the fender, -keeping count of the lumps, which must all be put back again, one by -one, and very carefully. He may set himself sums if he cares to work -them out; he may talk to himself, or to the cat if she chooses to visit -him; and if his trade<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> has been that of an artist he may sketch in -the air with his forefinger: but that is too much like drawing a pig -with his eyes shut. He may go to his bookshelves and count his books, -ranging them in order of their size; or to his wardrobe and count out -his shirts, laying them in piles of two or three on the bed, as they -suffer from frayed cuffs or lost buttons. Even this entertainment -wearies after a time; and all the times are very, very long."</p> - -<p>I suppose that this portrayal is true to life.</p> - -<p>She.—Undoubtedly, in a way; but I had a novel experience when -traveling East this summer. While on the train, I saw a gentleman, -who was trying to interest a little boy, who did not respond to his -advances. I heard him ask the child whether he was a little boy, and -how old he was. I saw then that the gentleman was blind, and thinking -that he might prefer to talk with me, I introduced myself to him and -found him a most delightful conversationalist. He told me that he -had become blind very suddenly five years ago, but that his work had -not been interrupted for a day since. His position as manager of a -large corporation necessitated his frequent journeying in railroad -trains, but he had continued to travel as before, sometimes with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> -his secretary, and sometimes alone. He was alone when I met him. He -was certainly delightfully cheerful and entertaining; and withal, he -was fully informed on current topics of interest. It seemed almost -impossible to realize that he was blind.</p> - -<p>He.—His case is extraordinary; but, of course, he was not an artist, -as was poor Dick, before the "light went out."</p> - -<p>I have just discovered another reason why you are so very interesting. -It is because you always have some novel experience to recount.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; but you know, we decided that people did not care, as a -rule, to hear others talk.</p> - -<p>He.—Well, I shall retract my decision. I have concluded that we -usually like to hear others talk, if they have something interesting to -tell.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; we are all children, in a sense. Tell us a story, and we -will listen, provided the story-teller knows how to tell it.</p> - -<p>He.—Do you know what I have been thinking of while you were telling me -this incident?</p> - -<p>She.—That we had gotten a long way from our original subject?</p> - -<p>He.—No; I was thinking of how much you had said in comparatively few -words, and that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> in telling this incident, you had certainly conformed -to Golden Rule Number I.: <span class="smcap">Avoid unnecessary details.</span></p> - -<p>She.—And you have conformed to both the rules that we have learned.</p> - -<p>He.—Thank you. Let me see, Golden Rule Number I. is: "<span class="smcap">Avoid -unnecessary details.</span>" Rule Number II.: "<span class="smcap">Not to ask question -number two until question number one has been answered</span>, nor be too -curious nor too disinterested;" that is, "do not ask too few nor too -many questions; just enough."</p> - -<p>She.—And our new rule, Golden Rule Number III.: <span class="smcap">Do not interrupt -another while he is speaking.</span></p> - -<p>He.—How frequently this rule is broken! Many persons, who ordinarily -are well bred, have the very bad habit of interrupting others. But I -deserve no credit for observing Golden Rule Number III., for you are -never tiresome; you never tell a long story.</p> - -<p>She.—No; I don't do that. I knew a gentleman once who used to say with -a groan, to his niece, who was rather verbose, "O Alma! You tell such -a long story. Make it short;" and so I always try to <i>make my story short</i>.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IV</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under -discussion is of trivial importance.</i></p> - -<p>He.—We always seem to drift back to our favorite topic, "How not to -bore." At least, we discuss it so frequently, that I assume we are -mutually interested.</p> - -<p>She.—I assure you that I am very much interested in everything that -assists me in making myself more pleasing to my friends.</p> - -<p>He.—If you would not regard my compliments so dubiously, I should say -that that would be impossible.</p> - -<p>She.—Another case of the infallibility of the queen? But to go back -to our subject, I often wonder whether this pleasure that we take in -receiving the approval of others, is not virtually the root of all -good. It is certainly most fortunate that we do care for the good -opinion of our fellow-beings, and especially where we strive to merit -it. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> - -<p>Somehow, we never seem to outgrow our childish love for rewards. I -suppose that if the truth were told, much that we think we do for -the sake of culture, is really done for the sake of Dame Grundy. Of -course, I do not mean as applied to vain self-glorification, but -rather to our higher aims and purposes. Most of us, for example, think -that we make great efforts along the lines of self-improvement for -the soul-satisfaction that our efforts may give us; but I wonder how -steadfastly one would work—each at his chosen calling—if one were on -a desert island, remote from "all the haunts of men." But to return -to our subject, you say that your latest discovery is that even grown -persons contradict one another. I thought that only children had this -fault.</p> - -<p>He.—So did I; but my attention was called to this a few days since -when visiting my sister. While she was telling me something of great -interest to us both, her little daughter contradicted her several -times in the course of our conversation. Partly because I was annoyed, -and partly because I wished to teach the child a lesson, I said to -my sister, "Have you ever noticed how frequently children contradict -their elders? It is certainly one of the greatest faults that a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> child -can have." "Yes," she answered, "but many grown persons have the same -fault." And when I expressed surprise, she added, "If you are inclined -to doubt the truth of this assertion, just try to tell something in -the hearing of others who are familiar with the story, and you will -soon discern that the fault is not confined to children." And then I -discovered this fault not only in others, but also in myself.</p> - -<p>She.—Oh, dear! maybe I, too, am guilty of the same offence.</p> - -<p>He.—I am sure that you never contradict any one in the way that I -mean. It is certainly very embarrassing to make a statement, and -then to have it contradicted, even though the matter is of little -consequence.</p> - -<p>She.—How many rules have we learned so far?</p> - -<p>He.—Golden Rule Number I. is: "<span class="smcap">Avoid unnecessary details.</span>" -Rule Number II.: <span class="smcap">"Do not ask question number two until number one -has been answered"; do not be too curious nor too disinterested</span>; -that is, do not ask too many questions nor too few; just enough. Rule -Number III.: <span class="smcap">Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.</span></p> - -<p>She.—And our new rule, Golden Rule Number<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> IV.: <span class="smcap">Do not contradict -another, especially when the subject under discussion is one of trivial -importance.</span></p> - -<p>He.—So, if Mrs. Van Stretcher tells us that Mrs. De Waters has crossed -the ocean a dozen times in as many years, we are not to say, "Pardon -us, only six, as she goes abroad only once in two years, which makes -just—Oh, yes! just twelve times."</p> - -<p>She.—Yes, the person who contradicts, frequently restates the matter -merely in another way.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER V</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance.</i></p> - -<p>He.—You haven't asked me about my golden discovery.</p> - -<p>She.—Oh, dear! is there still another rule to learn? You know, we have -already had four.</p> - -<p>He.—No; this isn't a rule. I have about come to the conclusion -that people are charming in proportion as they can rise above the -commonplace. Of course they must observe all our golden rules, but -this observance alone will not make them interesting in conversation. -Last night, for example, I never was so greatly bored as when talking -with a young lady to whom I had been recently introduced. She was so -well bred that she observed all the golden rules from A to Z, and yet -she was tiresome beyond endurance, simply <i>because she hadn't a soul</i>. -She was a Philistine of the deepest dye. I must say<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> that I am so -conventional, in a way, that I eschew Bohemianism, but an out-and-out -Philistine,—give me a Bohemian every time.</p> - -<p>She.—Then, I suppose that Golden Rule Number V. would be: "<span class="smcap">Acquire -a soul,—and assume one if you have it not.</span>"</p> - -<p>He.—I suppose it is innate—one's soul, which to me stands for one's -love of the beautiful—for the ideal. You see, whatever you speak -about, you lift out of the commonplace. Life seems quite "worth the -while," when I am with you. All the inspiring things—books, music, -painting—take on a new meaning when we talk about them. Last evening -my newly-made acquaintance and I discussed these subjects, but they did -not interest me. Julia Marlowe, whom she had just seen, was merely a -pretty woman who dressed perfectly; the latest book was something that -bored, but that had to be read because everybody else was reading it. -Music was an unknown quantity. What shall we do with Philistines like -this?</p> - -<p>She.—Leave them to their idols. They will not be alone, for there -are many to keep them company. The trouble with many persons is that -they do not cultivate an admiration for the beautiful—beautiful -pictures, exquisite music,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> delightful books. They live in a world -of materialism. Handsome houses, exquisite paintings, well-filled -libraries are to them mere possessions—valuable because they are the -embodied insignia of wealth. The person of high ideals delights in the -beautiful, because it brings him into harmony with that perfection for -which he strives. In a beautiful painting, he sees the reaching out -of the artist to produce not what is, but what should be; in a great -literary production, the master intellect that can mold words as wax in -the hands of an artisan; in beautiful music, the soul of the composer -who can make one feel all that he has felt when under the magic sway of -harmony; and, so, beautiful things are loved, not alone for themselves, -but for what they represent; for nothing beautiful has ever existed -without its master creator—the power behind the throne—where the -monarch beauty is at the beck and call of that giant—intellect.</p> - -<p>He.—Then, if we are to belong to the class who love the beautiful or -what it represents, we are to cultivate our souls—that part of us -which brings us <i>en rapport</i> with the divine in the universe. We are -not to be sordid; we must not wish simply to possess—we must cultivate -a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> love for the ideal—for what the beautiful represents.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; and this can be done. In our modern schools, the best in -literature, in art, in music, is brought to the children. The child -of to-day learns of Mozart, of Handel, of Wagner, and hears their -music. He sees representations of great masterpieces of art, and learns -to love the beautiful Madonnas of Raphael—to know the paintings of -Rosa Bonheur—of Jean Francois Millet. This education can not fail to -instill in children a love for the beautiful. To them the world takes -on a roseate tinge, while their minds eventually become store-houses -in which are garnered the treasured thoughts of the ages. Nothing in -every-day life can be wholly commonplace; each peculiar incident in -life, each peculiar mood of nature brings its accompanying suggestion.</p> - -<p>He.—Do you know, you are saying what I should like to say, but what I -cannot find words to express. Possibly, that is one reason why I enjoy -your society more than that of all others—because you say the things -that I would say, if I could but express my thoughts. It is for this -reason that we admire an author, because he puts into words what we -think; what we feel. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—I think we should add Golden Rule Number V. to our list, namely, -<span class="smcap">Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener an opportunity -to speak.</span></p> - -<p>He.—I am sure that I would rather listen than talk when you are with -me.</p> - -<p>She.—I am half inclined to believe you, for you are certainly -perfect—as a listener.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VI</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Be not continually the hero of your own story; and, on the other hand, -do not leave your story without a hero.</i></p> - -<p>He.—</p> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div>"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,</div> -<div>Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;</div> -<div>So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another,</div> -<div>Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>She.—And what recalled the poem?</p> - -<p>He.—I was thinking of the people whom we meet, and who "speak us in -the passing." People whom we may never meet again, but whom we never -can forget.</p> - -<p>She.—That intangible something which makes us wish to become more -closely associated with our newly-made acquaintance,—what is it? It -is indefinable. We meet some one at the theater,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> at the club, at -the social function, and there lingers with us for many days, the -remembrance of the few brief moments in which we felt that we were as -"twin spirits moving musically to a lute's well ordered law." Strange -as it may seem, we live in a world of people,—people to the right of -us, people to the left of us, everywhere about us, and only here and -there a kindred spirit in whose moral and mental atmosphere we bask as -in the rays of sunshine. This something that makes us feel that only -the element of time is needed to make of our newly-formed acquaintance -a friend that shall last through life,—what is it? A warm hand clasp, -a friendly word, and in one brief moment that mysterious something that -clouds the soul, is thrown aside, and in our sky a new star appears as -fixed as Polaris in the heavens.</p> - -<p>When we have an experience of this kind, although we may have -interchanged but few words with our new friend, we feel intuitively -that we could spend many hours together and that we should never tire -of exchanging ideas.</p> - -<p>He.—Yes; but does this not presuppose a mind stored with those -"treasured thoughts" about which we were speaking in our last -conversation? </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—Possibly, in a sense; but first of all, it presupposes harmony -of taste, of feeling, of ideas. This does not mean, of course, that -each shall agree with the other in all essentials, but that each shall -have the same broad and intelligent way of looking at a subject, and a -consideration each for the other's opinions.</p> - -<p>He.—I think, though, that as a basis for harmonious intercourse, there -must be an elimination of self. No one who is thoroughly selfish can -interest any one but himself. It seems to me that the ideal relation -between friends presupposes an entire elimination of self.</p> - -<p>She.—Not necessarily so. One of the most tiresome persons that I -know, is a gentleman who never refers to himself, to his aspirations, -or to his plans; and for this reason, he fails entirely to awaken in -his listener any interest in his personality whatsoever. He is the -antipode of the person who talks only of what interests him. The person -who uses discretion will not avoid all reference to himself, nor will -he continually make himself the hero of his own story. It behooves us -all to examine ourselves, and if we have either one of these faults to -rid ourselves of it at once. In directing the trend of conversation, -the tactful person will choose <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>topics of mutual interest. People -are interesting not in proportion as they recount their personal -experiences, but as they evince a broad, general interest in what -concerns others.</p> - -<p>He.—We might add another golden rule to our list,—Golden Rule Number -VI: <span class="smcap">Be not continually the hero of your own story, nor on the other -hand, do not leave your story without a hero.</span> In other words, it -is fatal to one's success as a conversationalist either to eliminate -oneself entirely or to appear self-centered.</p> - -<p>She.—You might say to <i>be</i> self-centered. Selfishness is one of the -most disagreeable traits that a person can have, and he who has this -to a marked degree should try to eradicate it. Some one has said, "If -we had to count our ills, we would not choose suspense," we might add, -"If we had to choose our faults we <i>should</i> not choose selfishness." A -person may observe all the golden rules that we have enumerated, but if -he is at heart a selfish person, his conversation will lack the charm -that emanates from the whole-souled individual whose first thought is -to interest and entertain others. Let us cultivate an unselfish spirit, -for without this, our words will be but as "sounding brass and tinkling cymbals."</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VII</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Choose subject of mutual interest.</i></p> - -<p>He.—And here we are again at one of your charming "at homes," and I, -as usual, am the only guest.</p> - -<p>It is delightful of you to select for my visits those evenings where -there is no possibility of our being interrupted while discussing our -favorite topic.</p> - -<p>She.—If I were "not at home" on these occasions, we should have very -little opportunity to talk about the subjects in which we are mutually -interested. It is decidedly paradoxical, is it not, to be at home under -the circumstances?</p> - -<p>He.—It is, to say the least, decidedly pleasant; for, otherwise, -how should you be able to teach me that delightful art—the Art of -Conversation? I am just selfish enough to exult in my being the only -diplomat at your "salons."</p> - -<p>She.—What is that line about conversation's being like an orchestra -where all the instruments<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> should bear a part, but where none should -play together?</p> - -<p>He.—To my thinking, conversation is most delightful when it is most -unlike an orchestra. For my part, I prefer those charming <i>duos</i> where -the sweet voice of the soprano rises "far above the organ's swell."</p> - -<p>She.—Conversation is more often like an orchestra where all the -instruments play together, and where no particular one can be heard. I -see that a conversation in which many take part is not to your liking.</p> - -<p>He.—As in music, so with my friends, I prefer to follow the -individual; to come into harmony with his thoughts and feelings. The -trite saying that corporations have no souls can be applied with equal -propriety to a body of individuals at a social function, where the -bored look on their faces shows that they have failed to find a subject -of general interest, and are in consequence suffering in durance vile.</p> - -<p>She.—Conversation is enjoyable only when the participants are -equally interested in the subject under discussion; and while it is -not difficult for two persons to find topics of mutual interest, it -is not so easy for several individuals to "hit upon" some topic in -which all are <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>equally interested; consequently, there is much greater -opportunity for enjoyment in social converse where only two are -"gathered together."</p> - -<p>He.—Yes, I know; no matter how apparently dry a subject is to me, it -might be of keen interest to some one else.</p> - -<p>She.—Certainly. Only a few evenings since, I noticed, at a social -function, a lady and gentleman deeply engaged for a long time, in -the discussion of some topic in which each was apparently vitally -interested. I learned afterwards that the gentleman was the -editor-in-chief of a new dictionary recently compiled, and that the -lady was the teacher of English in a college. They were discussing the -relative merits of the diacritical markings of the Century, Standard, -and International dictionaries compared with those of "old Webster."</p> - -<p>He.—I should call that an extremely dry subject.</p> - -<p>She.—Oh! they found it fascinating. They really became excited—not -impolitely so—but deeply absorbed in following each other through the -maze of half circles and dots, straight lines and curved.</p> - -<p>He.—That is why people whom we meet—polite and kindly people—try "to -draw us out,"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> to find what we are interested in, so as not to hinge -the conversation on politics when it should be on potatoes or on poetry.</p> - -<p>She.—The whole secret of pleasant social converse lies in the -participants' finding subjects of mutual interest. Why, I have heard -two persons discuss by the hour the feasibility of raising ducks as a -means of livelihood; others, that of manufacturing a washing-machine -that would wash and boil clothing at the same time. So you see, it -doesn't matter whether the topic is politics or poetry; the latest -work in science or in fiction; whether it is music or painting; the -main point is that the subject shall be of mutual interest to those -discussing it.</p> - -<p>He.—Then we may add another rule to our list—Golden Rule Number VII.: -<span class="smcap">Choose subjects of mutual interest.</span> Don't discuss politics -when you should be talking about poetry; fact, instead of fiction; -science, instead of sunsets.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; and be sure that both are equally interested or else one or -the other will have that bored look to which you referred a short time since.</p> - -<p>He.—People sometimes appear interested when they are not. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—Yes; but the keen observer will detect whether the smile extends -farther than the parted lips. If people would be genuine, and less -artificial, after a pleasant evening spent in social converse, there -would linger with one a memory as pleasing and as refreshing as is the -sweet fragrance wafted from country clover fields to the traveler on -the dusty road. In our social intercourse with one another let us omit -all unpleasant topics, and choose only those in which both are equally interested.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VIII</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Be a good listener.</i></p> - -<p>He.—And here we are again in your bower—your bower of roses and -carnations. It is always summer here, for there are always flowers. You -wear them, too, as another would wear her jewels.</p> - -<div class="center"><img src="images/i038.jpg" alt="THE WOMAN WITH THE ROSE" /></div> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div>"She went by dale, and she went by down,</div> -<div>With a single rose in her hair."</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>She.—This is as I like my flowers—around me and about me. -Conservatories have no charm for me, for one cannot live in a -conservatory. I like my roses, where, as I sit and write, I can inhale -their fragrance, and see their wondrous beauty. What is more beautiful -than a rose?</p> - -<p>He.—Wouldn't "The Woman with the Rose" make a nice title for a poem?</p> - -<p>She.—You are really lacking in originality. You never would have -thought of it in the world<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> if "The Man with the Hoe" had not suggested -it.</p> - -<p>He.—Oh! I agree with you that I am not original, and that the title -was suggested; but not, as you think, by "The Man with the Hoe."</p> - -<p>She.—Aren't we wasting valuable time? You know we were going to -discuss Golden Rule Number VIII., and we haven't even decided what it -shall be.</p> - -<p>He.—Be a good listener! Wasn't it Addison who said that the most -skillful flattery was to let a person talk on, and be a good listener? -But somehow, this has such a ring of insincerity. Now, I am sure that I -should not wish to be beguiled into thinking that I was entertaining my -friend when, in reality, I was boring him.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; but a person who observes all our golden rules will not -"talk on." You know, there are few persons who can "talk on," and not -bore their listeners. Of course, if people were tactful and would -observe Golden Rule Number VII.—<span class="smcap">Choose topics in which all are -interested</span>—it would not be necessary for the listener to "feign -an interest if he has it not."</p> - -<p>He.—But what are we going to do when we are in the society of those -who do not observe this rule? </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—Sometimes, we can enjoy the conversation of others for reasons -opposite to what might be expected. For example, a few days since, I -was one of several guests at a luncheon, and I was very much amused in -noting how subjects, which in themselves seemed very prosaic, could -elicit so much enthusiasm in their discussion. For example, the guests -discussed the making of salads, and much enthusiasm was expended over -a mixture of fruit, nuts, and olive oil. The subject was certainly -highly relevant, as the very kind of salad in question was in evidence, -calling forth enthusiastic encomiums from all.</p> - -<p>He.—I suppose you are often amused at the amount of interest shown in -trivial subjects.</p> - -<p>She.—No; I, too, at times, like to relax, and to talk about subjects -that would seem frivolous to many. While much of my time and close -attention must necessarily be given to study, for this reason, when -there is any diverting influence, I prefer, occasionally, to forget -everything of a serious nature; and, like the bee that goes from flower -to flower to sip of each its sweetness, so I enjoy passing from one -subject to another, discussing only lightly, each in turn. So you see -whether it is salads or pates; Mrs.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> Campbell or Paderewski; shirred -gowns or pleated, these subjects at times may prove interesting and -diverting.</p> - -<p>He.—But when a person is deeply interested in some special study -that <i>counts</i>, I can not see how he can find much satisfaction in the -discussion of topics so very foreign to his specialty.</p> - -<p>She.—As I have just implied, the specialist finds it necessary to -relax. I have in mind a noted physician who spends many of his waking -hours, and hours when he should be sleeping, either in his laboratory -or with his patients; but immediately when he enters his drawing-room -to greet a friend, he forgets his work utterly, for the time being, -and before many minutes have passed, his listener is convulsed with -laughter over some new story—the latest acquisition to the Doctor's -stock.</p> - -<p>He.—Do you know, I often wonder why people do not cultivate the art of -story-telling. It seems to me that if one would entertain one's friends -now and then with a good story, it would enliven what would otherwise -be a very dull occasion.</p> - -<p>She.—Story-tellers—good story-tellers—are probably born, not made; -and yet, the person who is not especially gifted in this art, may -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>succeed in entertaining his listeners, provided that he has wit -enough to remember the "point," and to couch his language so that the -dénouement is not surmised, for surprise is an important element in the -telling of a story.</p> - -<p>He.—Occasionally, I hear a good story, and one that I wish to -remember, but I can never trust myself to repeat it for fear that I -shall commit the flagrant sin of missing the "point"; and that omission -would, of course, be unpardonable.</p> - -<p>She.—I think you might become a very successful reconteur, if you -would give some attention to the art in question. Of course, the -important thing to remember is, what are the essentials, to omit all -unnecessary details, to keep the listener in suspense and, above all, -<i>not to omit the point</i>. We can not all be Charles Lambs nor Sydney -Smiths, but we can each have our little store of "funnycisms" from -which to draw when the occasion is opportune, or the story relevant.</p> - -<p>He.—Well, I suppose we must decide that one must be a good listener -at all hazards, and that one must find something of interest in the -conversation of others even though the subject may be "salads" when -it should be "suffrage," for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> example. Shall we make "<span class="smcap">Be a good -listener at all hazards</span>" Golden Rule Number VIII.?</p> - -<p>She.—Yes, I suppose so; but if we could all remember and practice our -other golden rules, we should not need to add this one to the list.</p> - -<p>He.—Let me see whether I can enumerate them.</p> - -<blockquote><p>Golden Rule Number 1.—<i>Avoid unnecessary details.</i></p> - -<p>2.—<i>Do not ask question number two until number one has been -answered, nor be too curious nor too disinterested; that is, do -not ask too many questions nor too few.</i></p> - -<p>3.—<i>Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.</i></p> - -<p>4.—<i>Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under -discussion is of trivial importance.</i></p> - -<p>5.—<i>Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance.</i></p> - -<p>6.—<i>Be not continually the hero of your own story; and on the -other hand, do not leave your story without a hero.</i></p> - -<p>7.—<i>Choose subjects of mutual interest.</i></p> - -<p>And our latest acquisition, Golden Rule Number VIII., <i>Be a good -listener.</i></p></blockquote> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—You have done remarkably well to remember all these rules.</p> - -<p>He.—Haven't I earned a reward?</p> - -<p>She.—What shall it be?</p> - -<p>He.—The rose in your hair.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IX</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings.</i></p> - -<p>He.—Let us walk along the shore—away from our friends at the hotel. -The night is far too beautiful to spend in discussing the merits of -biscuit and honey compared with those of strawberries and cake.</p> - -<p>She.—And with such a sky and such a scene before them! And the -day—how perfect it has been!</p> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div> * * * * "The blue sky</div> -<div>Leaned silently above, and all its high</div> -<div>And azure-circled roof beneath the wave,</div> -<div>Was imaged back and seemed the deep to pave</div> -<div>With its transparent beauty."</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>He.—Oh! they're not thinking of the sea nor of the sky. Although when -I saw one of the ladies gazing intently at the moon, I thought that -she, like you and me, had succumbed to the influence of its magic -beams; but I very soon <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>became disillusioned, for I heard her suddenly -exclaim, "Oh, I wish I had some Welsh rarebit! I am so very fond of -Welsh rarebit."</p> - -<p>She.—Her thoughts were evidently relevant, as the moon probably -suggested to her, green cheese, and from that, it was only a step to -the toasted article. I dislike to hear a person express a fondness for -food. I know that it is correct to use "fond" in this way; but to me -"fondness" should be used only with reference to one's friends; but to -be fond of "Welsh rarebit"! I should prefer to use another expression.</p> - -<p>He.—Of course you aren't fond of anything but flowers, and books, and -music,—Oh! and the moon.</p> - -<p>She.—And people; they come first.</p> - -<p>He.—Everybody?</p> - -<p>She.—Not everybody, only a few.</p> - -<p>He.—Including——</p> - -<p>She.—I think that we should go back to our friends.</p> - -<p>He.—And discuss "Welsh rarebit"? Let us take this boat and glide over -the "silvery lake." We can find more interesting subjects to talk about -than edibles; and, if we cannot, we can at least be silent and let the -glorious night speak for us. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—Because of just such nights, I come here every year.</p> - -<p>He.—But the moon, like the sun, shines everywhere for all.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes, but not everywhere alike. There must be trees with branches -outspread to catch its silvery beams, and giant hills in the distance -to form a heavy background. The full moon shining on our great Lake -Michigan is a glorious sight, but that which is needed to make the -scene perfect is not there. But here—nothing is wanting.</p> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="i4">O beauteous Lake!</div> -<div>How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels</div> -<div>Upon thy bosom fair,—made fairer still</div> -<div class="i4">By Luna's silvery beams.</div> -</div></div></div> - -<div class="center"><img src="images/i045.jpg" alt="Luna's silvery beams" /></div> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div>How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels</div> -<div>Upon thy bosom fair,—made fairer still</div> -<div>By Luna's silvery beams.</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>He.—The poet is nature's interpreter. He expresses what we feel; what -we should wish to say, were we able to express our thoughts in poetic -language. But sometimes he does not interpret truly. Wasn't it Browning -who said:</p> - -<div class="center"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<div>"Never the time and the place</div> -<div>And the loved one altogether"?</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>She.—I don't see the relevancy of the <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>quotation. We must go back to -the hotel. Our friends will miss us.</p> - -<p>He.—But you haven't heard my lesson yet, as we used to say in school. -I have to recite all the golden rules, and add our new one. What shall -it be?</p> - -<p>She.—Rule Number IX.: <span class="smcap">One's speech should be in harmony with one's -surroundings.</span></p> - -<p>He.—In other words, a person should not talk about cheese when the -moon would be a more fitting topic.</p> - -<p>She.—Or, when it might be more fitting to remain silent.</p> - -<p>He.—Some one has said, "Silence is the virtue of the feeble," but it -is probably as often the virtue of the wise.</p> - -<p>She.—It was Carlyle who said: "Consider the significance of SILENCE: -it is boundless, never by meditating to be exhausted, unspeakably -profitable to thee: Cease that chaotic hubbub, wherein thy own soul -runs to waste, to confused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of -Silence comes thy strength. 'Speech is silvern, Silence is golden; -Speech is human, Silence is divine.'"</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER X</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Do not exaggerate.</i></p> - -<p>He.—You may remember that one of the extracts that I read to you -from my note-book referred to exaggeration in conversation. Do you -know, I have been paying attention to this fault, and I find that it -is decidedly general even with people who are supposed to be honest -and sincere. It is really one phase of falsifying; in my opinion, it -is a very disagreeable habit, and one that a person should try to rid -himself of.</p> - -<p>She.—Parents can not be too careful in the bringing up of their -children to see that they do not form the habit of exaggerating what -they undertake to tell. Why! Some persons can not make the simplest -statement without exaggerating the facts. For instance, if one -undertakes to give the price of a garment or of some furniture, the -amount paid is always increased in the telling of the story; and so -with the narration of trivial events—the speaker will enlarge his -statements until he presents a <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>distorted picture to the mental vision -of the listener.</p> - -<p>The exaggeration of facts should certainly be avoided; and a person can -overcome this tendency in himself, if, when he finds that he is making -a misstatement, he will correct himself, and give a true version. For -example, if he finds that he is fixing the cost of a possession at -five dollars, when it should be four dollars and fifty cents, he can -correct the error without even betraying his intention to falsify. By -doing this, he gradually trains himself to adhere to facts; for, while -the price of the article may be a matter of small consequence, it is a -matter of far more importance that the person who has the habit shall -correct his tendency to misstate facts. So again, when one is narrating -an incident in one's experience, the same strict adherence to the facts -should be observed. In this way a person establishes a reputation for -veracity. We all have friends in whose statements we place no reliance, -simply because we know that they invariably exaggerate every fact that -comes within their observation or experience. I know of no fault in -conversation that is more grievous than this nor that can give one such -a general air of insincerity in all things. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—I know, I have friends whom I can not believe—no matter how -serious they are in impressing upon me, the truth of the information -that they are so willing to impart.</p> - -<p>She.—Of course, when persons of this kind attack the reputation -of others then, indeed, does their fault become a serious one; but -there are many, otherwise well-meaning, persons who would not speak -ill of another, who place themselves continually at a disadvantage -by their exaggerated speech. There is the school-girl, for example, -who finds every person and thing <i>perfectly lovely</i>—or <i>perfectly -horrid</i>, as the case may be; who had the <i>most beautiful</i> time in her -life last night; who finds her teacher <i>divine</i>; tennis, a <i>dream of -delight</i>—everything, no matter what, is <i>just dandy</i>—or <i>dear</i>. Later -in life, she may exaggerate as to her husband's income; her children's -virtues or appearance; the price of her garments—and in this way she -will acquire the unenviable reputation for insincerity, unreliability. -No one will give any credence to what she says, simply because she is -known always to exaggerate the facts.</p> - -<p>He.—I feel as you do, and when I find myself enlarging upon the facts, -I try immediately to correct my fault and adhere to an actual recital. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p> - -<p>She.—Of course, we know that in telling a story for the sake of -its humor, a person will sometimes lapse into an enlargement of the -details, but, as Rudyard Kipling would say, "That is another story."</p> - -<p>He.—Had we not better make this Golden Rule Number X.?</p> - -<p>I wonder whether I can recite all the Golden Rules:</p> - -<blockquote> - -<p>Golden Rule Number 1.—<i>Avoid unnecessary details.</i></p> - -<p>2.—<i>Do not ask question number two until number one has been -answered, nor be too curious nor too disinterested; that is, do -not ask too many questions nor too few.</i></p> - -<p>3.—<i>Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.</i></p> - -<p>4.—<i>Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under -discussion is of trivial importance.</i></p> - -<p>5.—<i>Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance.</i></p> - -<p>6.—<i>Be not continually the hero of your own story; and, on the -other hand, do not leave your story without a hero.</i></p> - -<p>7.—<i>Choose subjects of mutual interest.</i> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span></p> - -<p>8.—<i>Be a good listener.</i></p> - -<p>9.—<i>Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings.</i></p> - -<p>10.—<i>Do not exaggerate</i>—our new rule.</p></blockquote> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XI</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation, but do not garble it.</i></p> - -<p>He.—I have just been reading a very interesting article entitled -"Learning by Heart," and I have become impressed with the idea that one -should occasionally commit to memory inspiring passages in verse and -prose. In the language of the author: "They may come to us in our dull -moments, to refresh us as with spring flowers; in our selfish musings, -to win us by pure delight from the tyranny of foolish castle-building, -self-congratulations, and mean anxieties. They may be with us in -the workshop, in the crowded streets, by the fireside; sometimes -on pleasant hill-sides, or by sounding shores; noble friends and -companions—our own! never intrusive, ever at hand, coming at our call."</p> - -<p>She.—Some one has said that an apt quotation is as good as an original -remark. It is certainly always relevant. We cannot all be Wordsworths -or Tennysons; Charles Lambs or Carlyles, but we can make some of their -best<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> thoughts our own. A conversation or a letter in which some choice -quotation finds a place, is certainly thus improved and lifted above -the commonplace. It was Johnson who said that classical quotation was -the parole of literary men all over the world.</p> - -<p>He.—For a long time, I have been copying in a note-book, extracts -that have interested me, but it did not occur to me to commit them to -memory. Hereafter, I shall do so, for I am sure that it will add to my -resources both in conversation and in letter-writing.</p> - -<p>She.—Some of the most delightful letters that I have ever received -have been those in which there have been quotations, so relevant, so -charming that, for the time being, they seemed to have been written for -me alone.</p> - -<p>He.—I have always hesitated to interpolate my conversation or letters -with quotations, for fear that I might seem to be airing my familiarity -with classical literature.</p> - -<p>She.—Of course, one does not wish to appear pedantic; and one will -not, if one will use the quotation for the occasion, instead of making -an occasion for the quotation. The proportions, too, of a conversation -or a letter must be preserved. If one is talking about a commonplace<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> -subject, the quotation, if one is made, should be in keeping with the -thought. As a clever writer has said, "A dull face invites a dull -fate," and so with a commonplace subject; the treatment should be in -accordance with it.</p> - -<p>He.—Some persons are never able to quote a passage or tell an anecdote -without perverting the meaning. In fact, I have long been interested in -noticing how inexact the majority of people are in making statements of -all kinds. I can recall several friends who are unreliable in what they -say. Their statements should be "checked up"—verified, as we say in -business.</p> - -<p>She.—As some one has said: "A garbled quotation may be the -most effectual perversion of an author's meaning; and a partial -representation of an incident in a man's life may be the most malignant -of all calumnies."</p> - -<p>He.—How very relevant that quotation is. You have certainly just -exemplified your own suggestion, namely, that the quotation should be -used to suit the occasion.</p> - -<p>Shall we make this Golden Rule Number XI.: <span class="smcap">Occasionally indulge in -a relevant quotation, but do not garble it</span>?</p> - -<p>She.—Certainly; a Golden Rule that it is well occasionally to observe.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p> - -<h2>GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XII</h2> - -<p class="center"><i>Cultivate tact.</i></p> - -<p>He.—"Consider the significance of <span class="smcap">Silence</span>: it is boundless, -never by meditating to be exhausted, unspeakably profitable to thee. -Cease that chaotic hubbub, wherein thy own soul runs to waste to -confused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of <span class="smcap">Silence</span> comes -thy strength. Speech is silvern, silence is golden; speech is human, -silence is divine."</p> - -<p>She.—And what suggested the lines from Carlyle?</p> - -<p>He.—Oh! I was thinking of one of the extracts in my list of quotations -relevant to our subject, "The Art of Conversation." "It is when you -come close to a man in conversation that you discover what his real -abilities are." One might add, <i>and what they are not</i>.</p> - -<p>She.—And I suppose that the line suggested the thought that, in many -instances, to quote Carlyle again, "Speech is silvern, silence is -golden; speech is human, silence is divine." </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—Undoubtedly, in many instances, it would be better to preserve a -discreet silence than to say that which is disagreeable or untruthful. -Of course the tactful person can frequently so turn the conversation as -to be obliged to adopt neither alternative.</p> - -<p>She.—One should always be truthful, and one should never say that -which would be displeasing to the listener,—of course, we must except -those semi-disagreeable things which we sometimes feel privileged to -say to our relatives or our best friends, on the ground that we are -champions on the side of truth.</p> - -<p>He.—I have always maintained that it is only a true friend who will -tell the unpleasant <i>home</i> truths.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; we can all remember occasions when our expressed resentment -at some well-meant criticism offered by a member of the family, for -example, was met by the rejoinder that <i>it was the truth</i>.</p> - -<p>He.—The "truth" is not always pleasing to the ear, and I agree with -you that, except in the case of the privileged few, only the pleasing -things should be told.</p> - -<p>She.—That is all—provided, of course, that they are at the same time -truthful. </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span></p> - -<p>He.—And if they are not?</p> - -<p>She.—Then they should be left unsaid, for one's speech should never be -insincere or flippant.</p> - -<p>He.—To be told that one is not looking well, or is looking ill, or -older, as the case may be, is certainly not conducive to pleasant -feelings on the part of the listener.</p> - -<p>She.—Frequently, the person who would not be guilty of offenses of -this kind, will arrive at the same results in an indirect way. For -example, A, who may be too polite to tell B that he is getting "along -in years," will ask him whether the handsome young lady seen in his -company at the theater the previous evening <i>is his daughter</i>, thinking -thus to compliment him as being the proud parent of so beautiful a -maiden; whereas, A, who prides himself upon his youthful appearance, -and thinks that he is "holding his own" against Father Time, fails -to appreciate the "would-be" compliment. Mrs. C informs Mrs. D that -she looks ten years younger since becoming <i>so stout</i>, while Mrs. E. -advises Mrs. F. to buy a hat, as up-to-date <i>elderly</i> women no longer -wear bonnets; and so on through the alphabet.</p> - -<p>He.—Oh! I suppose it is impossible for <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>people who are so obtuse as -these to go through the world without blundering at every step.</p> - -<p>She.—I don't know. It seems to me that these unthinking people might -be taught to think. Surely, we can all learn by observation and -experience; and it would seem that persons fairly introspective might -discover that it is not direct speech alone that wounds or offends. -We all know that the prettiest compliments are often those which are -implied; and, conversely, sometimes it is the suggestive criticism or -censure that wounds the most.</p> - -<p>He.—Then we must remember that we should keep our minds alert; that we -must not be found napping; that it is not sufficient that we refrain -from giving pointed home thrusts, but that we should never, even by -indirect speech, leave with our listener an unpleasant memory.</p> - -<p>She.—Yes; we meet some people,—often only for a moment,—only once, -perhaps, in a lifetime; but it is possible, in many instances, to make -that moment linger forever as a pleasant memory to that other. We can -all remember some occasion when there was merely a handclasp, when but -few words were spoken, but the memory is ours forever. Something that -was said, perhaps, seemingly trivial, but glorified<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> by the speaker's -smile, by the sincerity of his heart.</p> - -<p>He.—After all, to sum it up, it is the word T-A-C-T, or the lack of -it, that makes a person correspondingly agreeable or disagreeable in -his social intercourse with another. Someone has defined tact as the -art of pleasing, and so I should think we might add this mandate to our -golden rules—<i>Cultivate the art of pleasing,—say the right thing or -say nothing.</i></p> - -<p>Now, I am going to recite all our golden rules, for I know them by -heart:</p> - -<blockquote> - -<p>Golden Rule Number 1.—<i>Avoid unnecessary details.</i></p> - -<p>2.—<i>Do not ask question number two until number one has been -answered; nor be too curious and, too disinterested; that is do -not ask too many questions nor too few.</i></p> - -<p>3.—<i>Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.</i></p> - -<p>4.—<i>Do not contradict another, especially when the subject under -discussion is of trivial importance.</i></p> - -<p>5.—<i>Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance.</i></p> - -<p>6.—<i>Be not continually the hero of your own</i><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> <i>story; nor, on the -other hand, do not leave your story without a hero.</i></p> - -<p>7.—<i>Choose subjects of mutual interest.</i></p> - -<p>8.—<i>Be a good listener.</i></p> - -<p>9.—<i>Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings.</i></p> - -<p>10.—<i>Do not exaggerate.</i></p> - -<p>11.—<i>Indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation, but do not -garble it.</i></p> - -<p>12.—<i>Cultivate tact—our new rule.</i></p></blockquote> - -<div class="center space-above"><img src="images/i062.jpg" alt="Decoration" /></div> - -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<hr class="pgx" /> -<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ART OF CONVERSATION***</p> -<p>******* This file should be named 63995-h.htm or 63995-h.zip *******</p> -<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> -<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/6/3/9/9/63995">http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/9/9/63995</a></p> -<p> -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed.</p> - -<p>Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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