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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f37597a --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #63986 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/63986) diff --git a/old/63986-0.txt b/old/63986-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 97a2ef1..0000000 --- a/old/63986-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1319 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Last Laugh, by Bryce Walton - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this ebook. - -Title: The Last Laugh - -Author: Bryce Walton - -Release Date: December 08, 2020 [EBook #63986] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAST LAUGH *** - - - - - The LAST LAUGH - - by BRYCE WALTON - - _The visitor from Mars was a first-rate howl. - Earthmen reckoned he was endowed with all the - qualities of all the greatest clowns in the history - of Buffoonery. Often though, the distance between - humor and terror can be too short to be funny._ - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Planet Stories November 1951. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -The scarred rocket rolled down street canyons away from United Nations -City, wheeled toward Madison Square Garden between jam-packed, -crazily-cheering millions of citizens from every nation on Earth. - -Confetti snow drifted in colorful storm, wild faces shone through -drifts of spiraling streamers. Signs floated everywhere. Neon -signs blinked off and on. Signs floated from balloons across the -kleig-lighted sky. Welcome hero signs. And even signs shouting: - - WELCOME TO EARTH--ZEKE! - -They spelled the name wrong, Johnson thought with some dismay. But -that's the way it sounded, he decided, when I radioed in ahead that -there was a Martian with us. - -Spelled ZEKE, the name scarcely projected the dignity of the name's -sound in Martian language. But, in thinking about it now, Johnson -realized that it was the only way it could be spelled or pronounced in -English. - -This seemingly insignificant fact bothered Johnson now. He felt a -growing uneasiness. The Martian was largely his responsibility, he -felt. It had been Johnson who had spent most of the time on the first -visit to Mars with the few Martians left in that one isolated mountain -village, learning their language and ancient, conservative, almost -static culture. Being an anthropologist, among other things, it had -been natural for Johnson to have manifested this particular interest. - -Johnson had also been the one to suggest that perhaps Zeke might like -to pay Earth a visit. - -Zeke had readily agreed, but now Johnson was beginning to wonder why. -In six months another rocket would go to Mars and Zeke could go home, -but meanwhile--Johnson suddenly began to wonder about the possible -ramifications of a Martian's first visit to Earth. - -He had radioed ahead about the Martian but had given no details. -The world awaited its first look at a Martian, the expectation -overshadowing their hero worship of Captain Stromberg, Atomics Engineer -Hinton, and Professor William Johnson--the first successful navigators -of deep space. - -Right now, Stromberg and Hinton were straightening their dress uniforms -preparatory to the feting promised when the rocket was wheeled into -Madison Square Garden. UN notables would be there, everyone of any -importance, plus every one who could be jammed into the Garden. The -rocket would be wheeled up to a speaker's platform, the doors would -open and out would step the three heroes and Zeke. - -Johnson looked at Zeke now with a new and uneasy appraisal. He slumped -and then as Johnson motioned to him, Zeke gave a series of grotesque -hops. His face, like a monstrous soft rubber mask bought in a novelty -shop, twisted into a series of fantastic grimaces. - -Stromberg and Hinton grinned appreciatively. They thought Zeke was -pretty funny. Johnson no longer thought so because he had realized the -cultural significance of Zeke's actions. Johnson gestured for Zeke to -look through the port view plate. - -His rubberoid features, which at times suggested a travesty of -something very remotely human, bunched up and then spread in all -directions as though running into yellow putty. "They're welcoming -you to Earth, Zeke. 'Welcome, Zeke,' the signs say. You'll be royally -entertained. You'll be wined and dined as they say. You're probably the -most extraordinary visitor ever seen anywhere." - - * * * * * - -Zeke swung his long, stick-like arms, or appendages, whatever one chose -to call them, in long arcs like pendulums, back and forth and to and -fro. His three eyes spread wider and wider in an expression of such -intense and gigantic astonishment that Stromberg and Hinton bent over -and held their stomachs with uncontrollable laughter. - -The flicker of unease in Johnson's stomach flamed a little stronger. -The trouble was that Zeke's culture was so serious, so old and wise -and serious, there seemed to be absolutely no sense of humor in it. At -least none of any human kind that Johnson had been able to discover. - -To Zeke, this being an object of humor had no meaning. Zeke could -understand, however, the meaning of ridicule, derision and insults -and sadness in their actual and realistic sense, divorced from the -necessity of contrast that connected these things with laughter, gags, -jokes in the human psychology. - -So Johnson had never explained to Zeke that he was being laughed -at, nor what it would mean if he did know he was being an object of -laughter. Somehow now, Johnson wished he hadn't lied, that he hadn't -explained to Zeke about Stromberg's and Hinton's laughter: "Well, Zeke, -that's a kind of appreciation humans express to each other. It means -they accept you. A form of politeness, a social amenity." - -Zeke was saying in the peculiar slurred, high-pitched Martian speech. -"It is over-powering, so many of you humans! Even in our most ancient -records there is no account of there ever having been so many of us as -I see of your kind out there!" - -"That's only a small percent of the world's population," Johnson said. -He took hold of one of Zeke's boneless, spongy arms. "Come on. We go on -up now to the air-lock doors. In a few minutes we'll be out of here and -you'll be presented to the world." - -They were inside the Garden now, the rocket being moved by a giant -crane to a position beside the speakers' platform. A ramp was -connecting the two. The doors started to open and Stromberg and Hinton -stood with stiff, glowing expectancy. - -Johnson stood behind them, holding on to Zeke whose eight-foot body -slumped with its own peculiar kind of expectancy. In all his 32 years -Johnson had never been exactly a social animal. Devoted largely to -field work, he had accustomed himself either by choice or necessity or -both to an extraordinary degree of isolation. The two years in space -hadn't bothered him. He was somewhat anxious to see his friends, but -not overly so. - -In fact the sight of those countless gaping faces, the packed masses of -humanity, had frightened him a little. It had been so utterly peaceful -out there in space, and on the high, cold plateaus of Mars. - -Odd how formidable seemed the prospect of meeting this gigantic social -obligation of facing the whole world. Maybe two years away from Earth -was too long. - -He could hear the interminable speeches droning away outside the -opening doors. - -Everybody was waiting out there on that platform. - -Presidents and envoys from the Big Three nations, and many slightly -less important figures. Everybody who could possibly claim to be -anybody. - -"From now on," whispered Hinton, "we live like Kings! A pension for -life. And a hero forever. The dames--" - -"Quiet, please," whispered Captain Stromberg. - -Hinton dropped back. He nudged Johnson. "Even the thing here, your -friend that walks like a man, will be treated by the world like a -prince." - -Johnson squeezed Hinton's arm and Hinton winced. "Watch what you say, -Hinton. It knows some English now." - -"You treat it like it's a human being," Hinton said. - -Johnson had no answer to that except agreement. Changing Hinton's -attitudes was something else again. Johnson didn't consider the project -quite worth the time and trouble. He shrugged. - -"This is it," Johnson warned Zeke. Every time he talked in Martian his -jaw ached. It was quite a feat. - -The present speaker's voice like a worn soundtrack was saying: - -"... and now, waiting world, here they are...." - -"Ready?" Captain Stromberg whispered. - -"... the first to make a voyage to another planet! The first visitor -from another world!..." - -Their names being called, and then-- - -"... and our guest from the planet Mars--Zeke!" - -Zeke shifted his undulating, boneless length as the four of them -stepped out onto the platform and into the glare of flood lights, -and a sea of smoke and the heat of human bodies. Johnson got the -impression, though he couldn't actually see much of it, of a colossal -ocean of humanity, great tides of flesh held temporarily motionless and -soundless. Microphones slid down. Television and motion picture cameras -moved in and back and in again. - -Lawrence Spaulding, President of the United States, flanked by big-wigs -from the United Nations, moved toward the four. Hands came out, gloved -and grasping. - -"I--" began the President of the United States. Johnson watched his -lips moving but what he said was buried under the onrushing, rising, -roaring flood of sound. - -Johnson was noticing how the others on the platform were gradually -having their attention diverted by the appearance of Zeke. His hands -were suddenly moist, and his stomach felt hollow. All of them were -beginning to grin. It was universal--he should have known--whenever any -human being saw Zeke--laughter. - -He didn't know why, exactly, but he decided this was bad, very bad. -Even the Russian Ambassador was grinning as Zeke grimaced at the -strangeness about him. - -As long as Zeke didn't know he excited laughter primarily from -everyone, things might go along all right. But that deceptive situation -couldn't last long. And trying to make it last for six months was no -solution. Johnson's throat felt dry. - -Maybe there was no solution. Maybe it was just a devil of a -blunder--period! Several scientists spoke at length after the cheering -died down enough. Stromberg and Hinton were introduced. They talked -at length. Johnson was introduced. He was asked to talk about the -surprising discovery of intelligent life on Mars, and about Zeke. - -He didn't bother to say much because he knew that they weren't really -listening. He watched Zeke. The Martian was restless. He made faces at -Johnson. He was utterly alone amidst thousands of people, a world full -of human beings, Johnson thought. I'm his only point of contact with -any living thing, and that is most inadequate. How does he really feel? -Desperate probably. Confused. Probably very lonely. And nothing that he -does or says will be interpreted realistically-- - -He bowed, stepped back to where Zeke was amidst a storm of applause. -Now every eye was focused on Zeke. Zeke whispered to Johnson in a -raspy, high-pitched voice that only added to his humorous appeal -because of contrast due to his giant and grotesque body. "I am having -difficulty breathing." - -"Hold on a while," Johnson said, managing to smile at everybody. "I -have a big apartment we can go to, and no one will bother us there. You -can rest. It's air-conditioned. It'll be cooler there too." - - * * * * * - -Johnson prayed. The thing had to get over with fast. He felt afraid for -Zeke now. The novelty, the magnitude of the thing was over. They had to -get out of here. - -His uneasiness had been growing. Those on the speakers' platform were -grinning more widely at Zeke's antics. The uneasiness was growing into -a kind of fear. And then he heard someone introducing Zeke. - -"Oh no," Johnson whispered. "Wait a minute--he's not up to this ... not -now...." - -"What is the trouble?" Zeke asked. - -The United Nations Secretary was introducing Zeke. Something about -inter-world friendship ... the beginning of an inter-world union that -would spread to the stars.... - -Someone was saying in Johnson's ear, "Go ahead. You act as -interpreter...." - -"What is everyone looking at me for?" Zeke asked. - -"You are to make a speech like the rest of us," Johnson whispered -dryly. "Just say something ... anything ... something short. They -won't know what you're saying anyway. Just a gesture--" - -To Zeke everything was deadly serious. A long historical background had -made the Martians that way. They were old. "About how much I want to -learn about you here on Earth? How I will enjoy my stay here? How glad -I am that the Earth and Mars are in contact and are friends?" - -"Yes, yes, anything. Just a formality anyway." - -"But I think that I am somewhat afraid," Zeke said. "Things I am not -accustomed to. Too many people. Too much noise and confusion. And the -air. I cannot seem to breathe properly." - -The air was thinner on Mars, Johnson thought as he stepped toward the -microphones again, in front of television eyes. But it's the air here -too--the people--the suppression-- - -Zeke was there standing beside him. Johnson stepped aside. Zeke stood -there in his place. Johnson's knees got weak. He felt the sweat running -down his face then, and the cold shivery feeling as though he'd -suddenly contracted a high fever. The laughter was starting. It was -starting around the platform as the big spotlights caught Zeke full, -and it spread backward and upward, growing and expanding. - -Zeke, in his alien way talked, and he gestured with his entire body as -he talked sincerely, with deep feeling, about how he felt about this -first visit to Earth. The laughter rose higher and more voluminous -until Johnson's body began to quiver as though from some physical -assault. The trouble was a complete misunderstanding of Zeke, his -grotesqueness, the fact that no one had any idea what he was really -saying. What his gestures meant. All that--and whatever it was in human -beings that made them laugh. - -Zeke leaned toward Johnson, yelled in his ear. "Look, they are all -doing it now." - -"Yes," Johnson managed to scream. "They like you. They're all stirred -up with excitement. Think nothing of it. They're expressing their -extreme excitement and appreciation--" - -The twistings of Zeke's body, his facial distortions as he sought -to express himself in the best and most intelligible manner, grew -more intense. Laughter became a sweeping thunder. No one could hear -Johnson's interpretation. He stopped interpreting. - -Zeke came back away from the cameras and microphones. No one but -Johnson realized his growing panic. Johnson said to someone, "The air's -bad for the Martian here. I'm taking him back inside the rocket. You -say something." - -The man who happened to be a highly important figure in the United -Nations Supreme Court, an Englishman named Gordon Humphreys, nodded. -He was grinning, yet Johnson seemed to see a glint of understanding in -Humphreys' eyes. - - * * * * * - -The rocket held out most of the thunder. Zeke sat in the corner. His -eyes were frightened, confused. "They certainly do appreciate me a -great deal, do they not." - -"Yes," whispered Johnson. "They certainly do." - -"I do not understand. But it would seem that all of this is not being -treated with due seriousness." - -Johnson said, "Don't try to figure us out down here, not this time. We -discussed that, Zeke. Society and the individual here is too complex. -Specialists here, psychologists, trying to figure that out about -themselves are running into difficulty. Just take it as easy as you can -and don't get too curious. We'll get you out somewhere where you won't -be bothered much, and you can study at your leisure. Remember, you only -have six months of this, then you'll be on your way home to Mars." - -Zeke said, "Yes. Martian culture must have been complex like this once, -but that was very long ago. It seems to frighten me a bit. This--what -you call laughter. There seems no analogy for it in my own language or -culture. Why is it directed in such volume specifically at me? I mean -as a sign of appreciation and like, why is so little of it going on -between two or more of your own kind? I do not--" - -"You know the meaning of tragedy, sadness, bereavement. We have an -opposite. Laughter. You make people very happy, Zeke. You make them -enjoy themselves very much." - -Zeke thought about this. - -Johnson forced a laugh. "You see you shouldn't try to figure it out! -Just make your visit here as enjoyable as possible. It won't be long -before you'll be on your way back home--" - -"All right," Zeke said. "I want to study here. I want to take back to -Mars an understanding of humans." - -"If you take that back you'll take back more than anyone I ever heard -of has to give," muttered Johnson. - -The immediately subsequent events were too incredible and fast-paced -for Johnson to cope with with any degree of effectiveness. With Zeke, -he was swirled away in a mad maelstrom of activity. He went with Zeke -on a crazy toboggan ride that gained momentum all the way toward an end -Johnson was horrified to imagine. - -The newspapers and television and news-reel cameras started the -toboggan going. They started the whole world laughing at Zeke. It was -too big a novelty to be ignored by American advertisers, or by any -other agencies standing to profit from the greatest novelty in history. -Zeke seemed to have all the qualities of all the greatest clowns in the -history of clowndom, plus unique characteristics of his own which in -turn seemed to bring out something else in the misty realms of human -psychology where so much was suspected but of which so little was known. - -Johnson tried to object but he couldn't without revealing the truth to -Zeke. Besides, Zeke wanted to please. He wanted to make people like him -and his kind. He wanted humans and Martians always to get along, so he -went along with compliancy on the crazy ride. - -They insisted that Johnson get a cut of the fabulous profits -accruing from Zeke's endorsements, his television, radio, and stage -performances. Johnson refused. The money went to charity. He explained -that to Zeke. That made Zeke feel good for a while. He appeared at -benefit performances. Everywhere, everyone was laughing louder and -louder. Johnson somehow kept Zeke convinced that his lectures were -received in the serious regard Zeke intended ... that the laughter was -only appreciation and so forth. - -During a tour, Johnson stopped off in Chicago to see a friend. A -clinical psychologist, Philip Billington. Johnson had lost weight. His -nerves were frayed. - -Philip's study was comfortable. And there were cool drinks and dim -light, and Johnson sat there like a man paroled another day from a -death chamber. Philip, a quiet little man with a rather prominent nose -and soft eyes, regarded Johnson quietly for a while. - -Finally Johnson said, "Physically I'm not built for it. Martians only -sleep six hours out of every three weeks of Earth time. I have to keep -up with him, try to keep him from being completely sucked up by--" - -"How are you helping him?" - -Johnson explained. "He doesn't know what laughter is. I mean what it is -in his case as far as his audiences are concerned. I'm not sure what it -is myself. Except that it's pretty horrible!" - -"The whole thing's rather horrible," Billington agreed. "Are you doing -anything to get your Martian out of all this madness? I'll admit that -it could result in something tragic. If you've been keeping him in -ignorance--" - -"What else could I do? What if he found out he's regarded as a clown, -a buffoon, a ludicrous, sham-clumsy sort of animal? I've written out a -full report to the United Nations, and I've contacted James Hatcher, a -UN lawyer friend of mine and he's working on it. So far there's been no -results from either source. I say there must be some legal angles." - -"Maybe there is," Billington mused. "But I'm just a psychologist. You -say Zeke has no sense of humor? Rather an abstract term. Even to us, -humans and psychologists alike, the anatomy of humor is pretty complex, -contradictory, confusing and inconsistent." - -"But why do they go so insanely hysterical with laughter at Zeke?" - -"Why? There's a question all right, Bill. It's contrast in humorous -situations, such as this one, that sometimes makes it horrible. In -this case it's the fact that people are laughing at what we know is -something deadly serious, which only makes it more grotesque. Add -to this the vast cultural differences, the unbridgeable gap, the -psychological isolation, and you have that thin line between farce and -tragedy--" - -"There's never been anything like this though," Johnson moaned. "It's -all out of line. Here we have the first visitor from another planet. -An important, dignified individual, and the world regards him as a -buffoon! Something's got to be done!" - -"I agree. But what?" - - * * * * * - -Philip looked at the ceiling, then back at Johnson. "Humor. What are -its basic elements? Surprise. Aberrancy. Ah, we have that element. -Oddity, singularity, peculiarity, nonconformity in what is supposed to -be a well-ordered world. Also irrationalism, we have that too. A form -of aberrancy. Zeke acts in a manner people regard as foolish, mistaken, -ill-advised ... oddity of character behavior. People like this kind -of humor; it allows him to feel superior. Here we find the element -of sadism in humor, you see. Humor can be horrible in retrospect, or -looking at it from a distance. Kinds of humor change. They used to -write jokes about burning witches alive. Cripples and insane people -used to be funny." - -"All right," Johnson said. "But there's something more here." - -"Yes. Yes, there is. I think I have it, some of it anyway. There's -a connection between terror and humor. Build up a suspense, an -anticipation of terror, then present something harmless, and you get -a tremendous relief through laughter. People have been conditioned -to fear the alien, particularly the alien from outer space, and -particularly the bogey-man Martian who has been popularized in fiction -for a long time. Maybe the whole world's reacting to Zeke as a kind -of anticlimax. A long build-up to expect some fearsome monster, maybe -with super weapons capable of wiping out the Earth in one fell swoop of -deadly rays, and then they get Zeke! - -"And add to that the other free-floating anxieties people suffer in a -too-complex society, sourceless fears they don't even realize exist. -They project all that into the surprise twist too. And we get a world -practically prostrated with laughter because they expect a monster and -get the most, to them at least, exaggerated kind of loping, rubberoid, -harmless clown." - -"But a clinical diagnosis doesn't help Zeke any." - -"No. No, it doesn't. Not now anyway. It might--" - -"The UN should do something. America's exploiting Zeke for commercial -purposes primarily. Zeke isn't a guest of the United States. He's from -another planet. He's really visiting the whole world. No one nation--" - -Billington nodded. "I hope something happens. I hate to see you in such -a state, Bill. Pretty soon, if you don't snap out of this and find some -solution, you'll end up coming to me for treatment." - -Johnson needed treatment when Hollywood decided to make a movie -featuring Zeke. He didn't go to Philip Billington though. He fought -this to the end but the fight was futile. They gave Zeke a good sales -talk, and of course it wasn't Johnson's position to tell Zeke what, -or what not, to do. He had trapped himself nicely so that he couldn't -explain to Zeke the real reasons for his objections. - -The movie was called MARS INVADES THE EARTH. They told Zeke it would be -a semi-documentary; that it would assure good relations between Earth -and Mars and acquaint the whole world with Martian culture. - -There was a special preview showing in the United Nations Cultural -Building in United Nations City. Johnson was there, waiting in the -lobby for the fiasco to end. He had seen the first part of it but had -been unable to stomach the rest. He paced nervously back and forth -across the lush carpet wondering how Zeke was taking it. It wasn't at -all what they had led Zeke to believe it was. It was pure fiction in -which a Martian monster invaded the Earth with a weapon capable of -blowing the world into component atoms, but the Martian was so funny he -conquered the Earth with laughter. - -Johnson could hear the UN Officials invited to the showing laughing -uproariously in there. What--what would Zeke be thinking now? - -He stopped pacing. Zeke was in the lobby with him, and the picture -wasn't nearly over. Zeke's whole body stood there very stiffly. -Johnson felt sick. - -"You have been lying to me," Zeke said. His face twisted with that odd -rubber-mask plasticity that seemed to be so funny. - -"No, Zeke, you've got to let me explain." - -"All this time you have never told me the truth about this laughter. -Everybody thinks that I am funny. They look upon me as something -ridiculous." - -"I--" - -"They lied to me also. This picture is not what they said it would be. -I heard them talking in there. They did not know I was sitting there by -them in the dark. I found out why all this laughter should be always -directed at me! Why at me? Why always at me? I have found out!" - -"Zeke--!" - -"What is this humor of yours? What is so funny that gives you -satisfaction in freaks and fools? In the misfortunes of others? You -think we Martians do not know what this laughter really means? Maybe -we know. I guess it is just that we knew a long time back and have -forgotten it. Now I know what it is and what it means." - - * * * * * - -Johnson was trying to say something. It didn't make any difference now. -Laughter came from inside the big auditorium. Zeke's huge ungainly -body loped toward the exit. He turned. "I do not want to see or talk -to you or to any other human beings. I do not like to see or talk to -any of you any more. I will go to your place, if you will permit me -to do so, and there I will seclude myself until your next rocket goes -back to Mars. I do not want any one to come out there to see or to talk -with me. I do not want to be in any more television shows or radio -broadcasts or moving pictures." - -"All right!" Johnson yelled above the laughter. "But let me take you to -my apartment. How you going to get there? You can't speak English." - -The guard stood in front of the exit. He turned and grinned up at Zeke. -He began to laugh as Zeke swung back and forth, wanting out. Zeke made -gestures and spoke. "I wish to go outside. Would you be so kind as to -step out of the doorway, please?" - -The guard had no idea what Zeke was saying, nor what his movements -meant. All the guard knew was that Zeke was a Martian bogey turned -clown and he laughed louder. "You will step to one side, please." - -Johnson started toward them. - -"I wish you would step aside and stop laughing at me," Zeke said. - -Johnson started to yell something but he was too late. He knew there -was no malicious intent in Zeke's action, only desperation, confusion, -bewilderment, humility. He pushed the guard out of the way, but his -strength was much greater than Zeke was used to exerting under any such -circumstances. - -The guard hurtled ten feet away. Johnson heard the sickening thud -of his head against the wall. Johnson ran over there, saw the open, -staring eyes of the guard, and then he saw Zeke running across the -rain-splattered street through the neon-shining dark. He saw a few -people stop and wonder a moment, then laugh. - -Johnson leaned against the wall and closed his eyes before he went -to the public phone booth. He could still hear the laughter from the -auditorium as he called the police. - -They figured Johnson would know where Zeke was. They questioned him for -what seemed hours. He had no idea where Zeke would go to hide or where -he would be now. Zeke could speak only a few words of English. No, Zeke -wouldn't harm anybody. Yes, I know he killed the guard, but that was an -accident. A misunderstanding. - -No, God no! I don't know where he would go! - -Yes, yes, I'll make tape recorded messages to be broadcast to Zeke. -I'll make some television kinescopes too. Maybe Zeke will hear me and -give himself up without any trouble. Play the recordings and show the -kinescopes on every station in the city. - -Sure I will. But why don't you send out broadcasts and telecasts to the -people instead of to Zeke? That would be more logical. Tell them not -to be afraid of him. That he wouldn't hurt anybody. Tell them not to -incite any more confusion in Zeke. - -I know, I know, somebody hit Zeke with a cane, but he wasn't trying to -attack the old man! You've got everyone scared of him now. A few hours -ago everybody was laughing, and now you've got everyone thinking he's -some kind of horrible monster. - -I know ... the woman wheeling the baby. But she was hysterical when she -saw Zeke there on that side street. She screamed and went crazy. But -that isn't Zeke's fault. That's your fault. No! I said I don't know -where he would be hiding now! - -You can leave now, Johnson. But stay where we can get in touch with -you at once. You're the only way we can establish any contact with -Zeke--unless of course we have to kill it. - - * * * * * - -So Johnson made the tape recordings and the television kinescopes, -and he sat in a kind of daze in the semi-darkness of the apartment of -Hatcher, a friend of his, looking at his own image speaking Martian to -millions of people, and listened to his voice. - -No one knew what he had said on those lengths of tape and on those -kinescopes. He hadn't said what he was supposed to say--not for Zeke to -give himself up. Zeke might not understand that, and he might get shot. -He told Zeke to meet him just outside the UN grounds at the West end -of a public park that had been built to replace a former slum area--to -beautify the area surrounding the UN territory. A high wall flanked the -West end of the park and thick brush and trees were there affording a -good hiding place. - -And Johnson would meet Zeke there as soon as he could. Don't do -anything else, if possible, until I can talk with you, Zeke. - -The newscasts came on frequently, mostly about Zeke. He was seen first -here and then there. - -The city was supposedly gripped in a reign of terror. Kids playing in a -vacant lot near the UN grounds had dug a small cave and had found Zeke -hiding in it. The Martian had made horrible sounds and leaped at them, -the kids said. The kids had thrown rocks at him. They said he looked -funny at first, all covered with dirt, and stumbling around like he was -drunk or something. - -The police had thrown up nets and blockades everywhere. The number of -cars in surrounding precincts were tripled. Walls went up everywhere. -State, county, sheriff deputies' cars formed wall after wall that were -tightening. Information about the crime and a description of Zeke -had been spread over such a wide area from the crime scene that five -states away the police had thrown up blockades. The description was a -formality. - -Everyone knew what the Martian looked like. - -Johnson waited there in Hatcher's apartment. - -He tried to get in touch with the lawyer, but that seemed impossible. -No one knew where Hatcher was. But Johnson knew the police were -shadowing him, hoping he would lead them to where Zeke was hiding. - -He had to get over there to that park where Zeke might be hiding, -waiting for him, without being trailed there. That wouldn't be easy. It -was out of Johnson's line. - -The newscast said that Zeke had blundered into someone's estate near -the UN grounds and had had a couple of big dogs sent after him. In -protecting himself, Zeke had killed the dogs. It would seem that -killing the two dogs was worse in some ways than if Zeke had killed two -more human beings. - -No one, of course, even remembered ever having laughed at Zeke. He had -become the typical alien Martian menace, a Welles and Wells character. -A monster from another world, a bogey Martian, a menace, a stalking -terror, an inhuman monster. - -"They'll kill him," Johnson whispered. He got up and got Hatcher's -topcoat out of the closet and put on Hatcher's hat. "They'll kill him -and he won't have any idea what's happened or why." That's the worst -part of it, he thought. Somewhere in the rainy dark was Zeke, feeling -terribly the hostility of his human surroundings. Confused, desperate, -panic-stricken. Not understanding any of it. - -Johnson went out into the hall of the apartment-hotel. Empty. The -police would be guarding the front entrance certainly, maybe the back. -But there was another exit out of the basement into the vacant lot, and -maybe they wouldn't know about that. - -He went down into the basement, went out that entrance and into -the vacant lot among the dripping trees. He stood there, listening, -watching. He put his hands in Hatcher's topcoat pocket and felt the -small snub-nosed revolver there. He jerked his hand out. - -He heard nothing but the rain on the palm fronds and the tires humming -on wet pavement. Above him, the gray night's hand cupped over the city, -reflecting its neon life through misty rain. - -He went cautiously through the trees, through a pit being excavated -for building, and emerged onto the street a block and a half away. And -still no one. - -He walked faster, signaled a cab. He sat there stiffly and numb with -tension as the cab took him with casual speed to the park. - - * * * * * - -He walked slowly along past the high dense brush of the park next to -the wall, his shoes squeeshing on the wet turf. Beyond the wall he -could see a tall bulky building with little yellow window eyes that -blinked in the rain. Absently, he remembered it was the big Community -Hospital. - -"Zeke," he called as he walked past the high dense brush. "Zeke." - -He went the length of the park's West end, started back, continuing to -call Zeke's name. The strange alien whisper sent a chill down his arms. - -"Mr. Johnson--" - -The brush shivered. Zeke had heard the message all right. "Mr. Johnson. -I am ill. I am cold and I am tired. I do not have any idea what to do." - -Johnson said. "Come out here, Zeke. You have to turn yourself in to the -proper authorities here that maintain law and order. I've explained -something about that. I promise you it will be all right. You've got to -trust me, Zeke." - -"People are afraid of me. They throw stones at me and run away when I -approach them. I cannot understand--" - -Johnson explained quickly that the guard Zeke had shoved was dead. "It -has to be straightened out, that's all, Zeke. Then things will be all -right." - -Johnson saw the shape back there in the dim wet shadows under the wall, -crouching, hardly distinguishable. He saw Zeke for what he was, a lost -stranger, helpless, incomprehensible. Too bewildered now to understand, -too weary to see anything, too anxious perhaps to care. Alien, sick, -abominably unhappy, taken out of his knowledge, bitter in utter -loneliness, his home so far away--so very far away. - -It moved toward him, rising up, rising taller, its undulating hugeness -bending and swaying above the brush. It stood unsteady on its legs, -its rubberoid flesh dripping and shining. Surrounded by the wet night, -Johnson saw him as something cast out mysteriously by the sea on some -alien shore to perish in the supreme disaster of loneliness. Zeke's -body shivered all over suddenly. Johnson sucked in his breath, felt the -quick sick emptiness. He turned. Shapes running, footsteps slipping -and scrambling toward them out of the brush. The glint and shine of -uniforms and guns. They had trailed him after all-- - -"Stop, don't move! We'll shoot!" - -"Don't!" Johnson yelled frantically. "For God's sake, listen." Zeke's -grotesque body crashed backward and Johnson saw the bursts of orange -flame flowering to horror in his brain. Shots blared flatly. Zeke went -up, over the wall and was gone on the other side. - -Johnson scrambled into the brush. He felt the gun in his hand and he -felt himself squeeze the trigger once, twice. He was screaming. "Stay -back, you crazy fools! I'll shoot anyone I see moving in here!" - -"What's the matter with you--hey--that you, Johnson?" - -"He's flipped," someone shouted. - -"Johnson! You'll get yourself in a lot of trouble. You might kill -somebody." - -"He's crazy," someone said. - -"You guys crawl back and go round into the hospital and round up the -Martian." - -Johnson crawled along the wall on his hands and knees. He kept crawling -and then, wedging himself between a tree trunk and the wall, edged up -the wall, over it, and dropped to the other side. He ran across the -grounds desperately looking for Zeke. - -He saw nothing on the grounds, no sign of anything or anybody. Then -he saw Zeke up there in the gray drizzle, three stories up on the -fire-escape platform. He didn't yell. He ran and then he felt the harsh -wet cold of the metal as he climbed. - -He followed wet tracks down the floor of the hall, found a door. As -he started to open it he saw the police come around the corner at the -other end of the hall. They stopped when they saw him. Johnson heard -laughter coming from beyond the door. The laughter got louder. The -shrill, high, spontaneous and abandoned laughter of children. - -The police moved cautiously toward him. Johnson opened the door and -went in, shut it quickly behind him. - -A nurse came over to Johnson, smiled at him. - -She stood with her arms folded and stood beside him and the both of -them watched Zeke in the middle of the big hospital ward. - -"We're so glad Zeke came back," the nurse said. "And surprising us this -way makes it so much more delightful for the children." - -Yes, thought Johnson dully, Zeke was here before, once. A benefit -performance. For crippled children. And neither the kids nor the two -nurses in here had heard about Zeke's sudden status as a criminal. No -radios in here--only recording machines playing pleasant things for the -kids. Too much unpleasantness on the regular programs. - -An isolated world in which they still saw Zeke only as a clown. - -The kids on the beds lining the walls, many of whom would never leave -this room except in wheeled chairs, were screaming and hollering and -shrieking with laughter at Zeke's antics. Their laughter bubbled higher -and louder. Zeke twisted round and round, his arms swinging, as he did -a shambling jig, danced this way and that. "The clown's back!" "Dance, -dance, dance some more!" "Stand on your head, Zeke!" - -"They have so little real happiness," the nurse said. "I've hoped Zeke -would come back. Nothing here has ever made them happier and laugh more -loudly than Zeke." - -Johnson walked through the waves of free wild laughter to Zeke's side. -He whispered. - -"Stay right here, Zeke. Don't leave this room until I give you the -word. These kids really appreciate you, Zeke. Believe me, I'm not lying -this time. These kids are happy now, because of you, and they don't -have much happiness. Life's worth living right now for them, Zeke. And -it's because of you. Stay right here." - -"I am very sick," Zeke said. "I will do as you say. I cannot go -further." - - * * * * * - -Johnson backed to the door, managed to smile to the nurse, and went -into the hall. - -Quickly he shut the door as the police rushed in. Captain Maxson, in -charge of some detail or other, a short heavy blond young man, eager to -do his duty, grabbed at Johnson. - -"You go blundering in there to get Zeke," Johnson said, "and you'll -not only take a chance of injuring or killing some of those kids, but -what's worse, you may frighten them, disillusion them for the rest of -their lives!" - -"But that monster's liable to start killing in there," whispered Maxson -hoarsely. - -"If you go charging in there anything can happen. Let me do it my way -and there won't be any trouble." - -"What's your way?" Maxson obviously was in a bad predicament. - -"Let me make a phone-call first, then I'll take Zeke out and there'll -be no trouble. I can handle him. That's your only chance. You don't -want to hurt those kids, shock them! They don't know what's happened. -They still think Zeke's funny." - -Maxson touched his lips. "All right. Make the call. I'll give you ten -minutes--" - -This time he found Hatcher in. He quickly explained the situation. -"Hatcher! You said you'd have the dope from Humphreys at the UN." - -"And I have," Hatcher said. "It's all right now. I'll rush a couple of -UN Deputies over there with special orders right now!" - -"Well hurry!" Johnson yelled. Then he stepped out of the booth -practically into Maxson's arms. - -"Now, go in there and get him out here, Johnson!" - -"We're waiting for two United Nations Deputies. They'll be here in a -minute. They're going to take charge of Zeke from now on." - -"What--well, okay, let them arrest him. That's a load off my back--" - -"They're not coming here to arrest him. But to protect him from being -arrested or otherwise annoyed until he goes back to Mars." - -"I don't get it at all. I got orders--" - -"Here's how it is," Johnson said. "Now that we've established relations -with another planet, Mars, the UN has jurisdiction over all such -relationships and transactions. UN City is extra-territorial. It -belongs to no nation, including the United States, and therefore the -United States has no jurisdiction over Zeke, or anything having to do -with inter-world relations. - -"That's a UN problem. Furthermore, Zeke is here in the capacity of -Martian Ambassador, and the UN has been officially declared the -site of the official future Martian Embassy, and therefore Zeke has -diplomatic immunity. That guard's death was accidental, caused by a -misunderstanding. But regardless, he can't be tried by any nation -on Earth because the accident occurred on Martian Embassy grounds -officially. - -"If Zeke's ever tried for any crime it will have to be on Mars. That's -the rule." - -And that was the way it was. - -After seeking Zeke off in the second Mars-bound rocket, he went to -Billington's and sat in his study, relaxed for the first time in six -months. - -"How was Zeke?" Billington asked. "Seem to feel any better about his -visit to Earth?" - -"Much better," Johnson said. "In fact, he seemed to feel better about -the whole thing than at any time during his stay here. He said he -understood a great deal more about us than he might otherwise have -learned. - -"And he said he understood our laughter too. A safety-valve, he said, -and that he was glad if he allowed us to let off a little steam. He -said there was a lot of steam here that needs to be let off." - -Billington smiled. "That's a concise and astute analysis," he said. - -"It seems to be the laughter of those crippled kids that did it," -Johnson added. "Zeke got an idea there how beneficial laughter is." - -Billington nodded. "However, maybe Zeke's analysis is -overly-simplified." His mouth set in a serious line. "The laughter of -kids is hardly comparable to the laughter of adults. The kids were -laughing _with_ Zeke. Does he realize the difference there?" - -Johnson said, "Maybe he doesn't. The Martians have a lot to learn about -human beings." - -"So do we," Billington sighed. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAST LAUGH *** - -***** This file should be named 63986-0.txt or 63986-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/9/8/63986/ - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. 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Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - diff --git a/old/63986-0.zip b/old/63986-0.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 0391eab..0000000 --- a/old/63986-0.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63986-h.zip b/old/63986-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 765e0b8..0000000 --- a/old/63986-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/63986-h/63986-h.htm b/old/63986-h/63986-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index d7ed385..0000000 --- a/old/63986-h/63986-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1404 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Last Laugh, by Bryce Walton. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; } -.ph1 { font-size: medium; margin: .83em auto; } - - - </style> - </head> -<body> -<pre style='margin-bottom:6em;'>The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Last Laugh, by Bryce Walton - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this ebook. - -Title: The Last Laugh - -Author: Bryce Walton - -Release Date: December 08, 2020 [EBook #63986] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAST LAUGH *** -</pre> -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>The LAST LAUGH</h1> - -<h2>by BRYCE WALTON</h2> - -<p><i>The visitor from Mars was a first-rate howl.<br /> -Earthmen reckoned he was endowed with all the<br /> -qualities of all the greatest clowns in the history<br /> -of Buffoonery. Often though, the distance between<br /> -humor and terror can be too short to be funny.</i></p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Planet Stories November 1951.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The scarred rocket rolled down street canyons away from United Nations -City, wheeled toward Madison Square Garden between jam-packed, -crazily-cheering millions of citizens from every nation on Earth.</p> - -<p>Confetti snow drifted in colorful storm, wild faces shone through -drifts of spiraling streamers. Signs floated everywhere. Neon -signs blinked off and on. Signs floated from balloons across the -kleig-lighted sky. Welcome hero signs. And even signs shouting:</p> - -<p class="ph1">WELCOME TO EARTH—ZEKE!</p> - -<p>They spelled the name wrong, Johnson thought with some dismay. But -that's the way it sounded, he decided, when I radioed in ahead that -there was a Martian with us.</p> - -<p>Spelled ZEKE, the name scarcely projected the dignity of the name's -sound in Martian language. But, in thinking about it now, Johnson -realized that it was the only way it could be spelled or pronounced in -English.</p> - -<p>This seemingly insignificant fact bothered Johnson now. He felt a -growing uneasiness. The Martian was largely his responsibility, he -felt. It had been Johnson who had spent most of the time on the first -visit to Mars with the few Martians left in that one isolated mountain -village, learning their language and ancient, conservative, almost -static culture. Being an anthropologist, among other things, it had -been natural for Johnson to have manifested this particular interest.</p> - -<p>Johnson had also been the one to suggest that perhaps Zeke might like -to pay Earth a visit.</p> - -<p>Zeke had readily agreed, but now Johnson was beginning to wonder why. -In six months another rocket would go to Mars and Zeke could go home, -but meanwhile—Johnson suddenly began to wonder about the possible -ramifications of a Martian's first visit to Earth.</p> - -<p>He had radioed ahead about the Martian but had given no details. -The world awaited its first look at a Martian, the expectation -overshadowing their hero worship of Captain Stromberg, Atomics Engineer -Hinton, and Professor William Johnson—the first successful navigators -of deep space.</p> - -<p>Right now, Stromberg and Hinton were straightening their dress uniforms -preparatory to the feting promised when the rocket was wheeled into -Madison Square Garden. UN notables would be there, everyone of any -importance, plus every one who could be jammed into the Garden. The -rocket would be wheeled up to a speaker's platform, the doors would -open and out would step the three heroes and Zeke.</p> - -<p>Johnson looked at Zeke now with a new and uneasy appraisal. He slumped -and then as Johnson motioned to him, Zeke gave a series of grotesque -hops. His face, like a monstrous soft rubber mask bought in a novelty -shop, twisted into a series of fantastic grimaces.</p> - -<p>Stromberg and Hinton grinned appreciatively. They thought Zeke was -pretty funny. Johnson no longer thought so because he had realized the -cultural significance of Zeke's actions. Johnson gestured for Zeke to -look through the port view plate.</p> - -<p>His rubberoid features, which at times suggested a travesty of -something very remotely human, bunched up and then spread in all -directions as though running into yellow putty. "They're welcoming -you to Earth, Zeke. 'Welcome, Zeke,' the signs say. You'll be royally -entertained. You'll be wined and dined as they say. You're probably the -most extraordinary visitor ever seen anywhere."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Zeke swung his long, stick-like arms, or appendages, whatever one chose -to call them, in long arcs like pendulums, back and forth and to and -fro. His three eyes spread wider and wider in an expression of such -intense and gigantic astonishment that Stromberg and Hinton bent over -and held their stomachs with uncontrollable laughter.</p> - -<p>The flicker of unease in Johnson's stomach flamed a little stronger. -The trouble was that Zeke's culture was so serious, so old and wise -and serious, there seemed to be absolutely no sense of humor in it. At -least none of any human kind that Johnson had been able to discover.</p> - -<p>To Zeke, this being an object of humor had no meaning. Zeke could -understand, however, the meaning of ridicule, derision and insults -and sadness in their actual and realistic sense, divorced from the -necessity of contrast that connected these things with laughter, gags, -jokes in the human psychology.</p> - -<p>So Johnson had never explained to Zeke that he was being laughed -at, nor what it would mean if he did know he was being an object of -laughter. Somehow now, Johnson wished he hadn't lied, that he hadn't -explained to Zeke about Stromberg's and Hinton's laughter: "Well, Zeke, -that's a kind of appreciation humans express to each other. It means -they accept you. A form of politeness, a social amenity."</p> - -<p>Zeke was saying in the peculiar slurred, high-pitched Martian speech. -"It is over-powering, so many of you humans! Even in our most ancient -records there is no account of there ever having been so many of us as -I see of your kind out there!"</p> - -<p>"That's only a small percent of the world's population," Johnson said. -He took hold of one of Zeke's boneless, spongy arms. "Come on. We go on -up now to the air-lock doors. In a few minutes we'll be out of here and -you'll be presented to the world."</p> - -<p>They were inside the Garden now, the rocket being moved by a giant -crane to a position beside the speakers' platform. A ramp was -connecting the two. The doors started to open and Stromberg and Hinton -stood with stiff, glowing expectancy.</p> - -<p>Johnson stood behind them, holding on to Zeke whose eight-foot body -slumped with its own peculiar kind of expectancy. In all his 32 years -Johnson had never been exactly a social animal. Devoted largely to -field work, he had accustomed himself either by choice or necessity or -both to an extraordinary degree of isolation. The two years in space -hadn't bothered him. He was somewhat anxious to see his friends, but -not overly so.</p> - -<p>In fact the sight of those countless gaping faces, the packed masses of -humanity, had frightened him a little. It had been so utterly peaceful -out there in space, and on the high, cold plateaus of Mars.</p> - -<p>Odd how formidable seemed the prospect of meeting this gigantic social -obligation of facing the whole world. Maybe two years away from Earth -was too long.</p> - -<p>He could hear the interminable speeches droning away outside the -opening doors.</p> - -<p>Everybody was waiting out there on that platform.</p> - -<p>Presidents and envoys from the Big Three nations, and many slightly -less important figures. Everybody who could possibly claim to be -anybody.</p> - -<p>"From now on," whispered Hinton, "we live like Kings! A pension for -life. And a hero forever. The dames—"</p> - -<p>"Quiet, please," whispered Captain Stromberg.</p> - -<p>Hinton dropped back. He nudged Johnson. "Even the thing here, your -friend that walks like a man, will be treated by the world like a -prince."</p> - -<p>Johnson squeezed Hinton's arm and Hinton winced. "Watch what you say, -Hinton. It knows some English now."</p> - -<p>"You treat it like it's a human being," Hinton said.</p> - -<p>Johnson had no answer to that except agreement. Changing Hinton's -attitudes was something else again. Johnson didn't consider the project -quite worth the time and trouble. He shrugged.</p> - -<p>"This is it," Johnson warned Zeke. Every time he talked in Martian his -jaw ached. It was quite a feat.</p> - -<p>The present speaker's voice like a worn soundtrack was saying:</p> - -<p>"... and now, waiting world, here they are...."</p> - -<p>"Ready?" Captain Stromberg whispered.</p> - -<p>"... the first to make a voyage to another planet! The first visitor -from another world!..."</p> - -<p>Their names being called, and then—</p> - -<p>"... and our guest from the planet Mars—Zeke!"</p> - -<p>Zeke shifted his undulating, boneless length as the four of them -stepped out onto the platform and into the glare of flood lights, -and a sea of smoke and the heat of human bodies. Johnson got the -impression, though he couldn't actually see much of it, of a colossal -ocean of humanity, great tides of flesh held temporarily motionless and -soundless. Microphones slid down. Television and motion picture cameras -moved in and back and in again.</p> - -<p>Lawrence Spaulding, President of the United States, flanked by big-wigs -from the United Nations, moved toward the four. Hands came out, gloved -and grasping.</p> - -<p>"I—" began the President of the United States. Johnson watched his -lips moving but what he said was buried under the onrushing, rising, -roaring flood of sound.</p> - -<p>Johnson was noticing how the others on the platform were gradually -having their attention diverted by the appearance of Zeke. His hands -were suddenly moist, and his stomach felt hollow. All of them were -beginning to grin. It was universal—he should have known—whenever any -human being saw Zeke—laughter.</p> - -<p>He didn't know why, exactly, but he decided this was bad, very bad. -Even the Russian Ambassador was grinning as Zeke grimaced at the -strangeness about him.</p> - -<p>As long as Zeke didn't know he excited laughter primarily from -everyone, things might go along all right. But that deceptive situation -couldn't last long. And trying to make it last for six months was no -solution. Johnson's throat felt dry.</p> - -<p>Maybe there was no solution. Maybe it was just a devil of a -blunder—period! Several scientists spoke at length after the cheering -died down enough. Stromberg and Hinton were introduced. They talked -at length. Johnson was introduced. He was asked to talk about the -surprising discovery of intelligent life on Mars, and about Zeke.</p> - -<p>He didn't bother to say much because he knew that they weren't really -listening. He watched Zeke. The Martian was restless. He made faces at -Johnson. He was utterly alone amidst thousands of people, a world full -of human beings, Johnson thought. I'm his only point of contact with -any living thing, and that is most inadequate. How does he really feel? -Desperate probably. Confused. Probably very lonely. And nothing that he -does or says will be interpreted realistically—</p> - -<p>He bowed, stepped back to where Zeke was amidst a storm of applause. -Now every eye was focused on Zeke. Zeke whispered to Johnson in a -raspy, high-pitched voice that only added to his humorous appeal -because of contrast due to his giant and grotesque body. "I am having -difficulty breathing."</p> - -<p>"Hold on a while," Johnson said, managing to smile at everybody. "I -have a big apartment we can go to, and no one will bother us there. You -can rest. It's air-conditioned. It'll be cooler there too."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Johnson prayed. The thing had to get over with fast. He felt afraid for -Zeke now. The novelty, the magnitude of the thing was over. They had to -get out of here.</p> - -<p>His uneasiness had been growing. Those on the speakers' platform were -grinning more widely at Zeke's antics. The uneasiness was growing into -a kind of fear. And then he heard someone introducing Zeke.</p> - -<p>"Oh no," Johnson whispered. "Wait a minute—he's not up to this ... not -now...."</p> - -<p>"What is the trouble?" Zeke asked.</p> - -<p>The United Nations Secretary was introducing Zeke. Something about -inter-world friendship ... the beginning of an inter-world union that -would spread to the stars....</p> - -<p>Someone was saying in Johnson's ear, "Go ahead. You act as -interpreter...."</p> - -<p>"What is everyone looking at me for?" Zeke asked.</p> - -<p>"You are to make a speech like the rest of us," Johnson whispered -dryly. "Just say something ... anything ... something short. They -won't know what you're saying anyway. Just a gesture—"</p> - -<p>To Zeke everything was deadly serious. A long historical background had -made the Martians that way. They were old. "About how much I want to -learn about you here on Earth? How I will enjoy my stay here? How glad -I am that the Earth and Mars are in contact and are friends?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes, anything. Just a formality anyway."</p> - -<p>"But I think that I am somewhat afraid," Zeke said. "Things I am not -accustomed to. Too many people. Too much noise and confusion. And the -air. I cannot seem to breathe properly."</p> - -<p>The air was thinner on Mars, Johnson thought as he stepped toward the -microphones again, in front of television eyes. But it's the air here -too—the people—the suppression—</p> - -<p>Zeke was there standing beside him. Johnson stepped aside. Zeke stood -there in his place. Johnson's knees got weak. He felt the sweat running -down his face then, and the cold shivery feeling as though he'd -suddenly contracted a high fever. The laughter was starting. It was -starting around the platform as the big spotlights caught Zeke full, -and it spread backward and upward, growing and expanding.</p> - -<p>Zeke, in his alien way talked, and he gestured with his entire body as -he talked sincerely, with deep feeling, about how he felt about this -first visit to Earth. The laughter rose higher and more voluminous -until Johnson's body began to quiver as though from some physical -assault. The trouble was a complete misunderstanding of Zeke, his -grotesqueness, the fact that no one had any idea what he was really -saying. What his gestures meant. All that—and whatever it was in human -beings that made them laugh.</p> - -<p>Zeke leaned toward Johnson, yelled in his ear. "Look, they are all -doing it now."</p> - -<p>"Yes," Johnson managed to scream. "They like you. They're all stirred -up with excitement. Think nothing of it. They're expressing their -extreme excitement and appreciation—"</p> - -<p>The twistings of Zeke's body, his facial distortions as he sought -to express himself in the best and most intelligible manner, grew -more intense. Laughter became a sweeping thunder. No one could hear -Johnson's interpretation. He stopped interpreting.</p> - -<p>Zeke came back away from the cameras and microphones. No one but -Johnson realized his growing panic. Johnson said to someone, "The air's -bad for the Martian here. I'm taking him back inside the rocket. You -say something."</p> - -<p>The man who happened to be a highly important figure in the United -Nations Supreme Court, an Englishman named Gordon Humphreys, nodded. -He was grinning, yet Johnson seemed to see a glint of understanding in -Humphreys' eyes.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The rocket held out most of the thunder. Zeke sat in the corner. His -eyes were frightened, confused. "They certainly do appreciate me a -great deal, do they not."</p> - -<p>"Yes," whispered Johnson. "They certainly do."</p> - -<p>"I do not understand. But it would seem that all of this is not being -treated with due seriousness."</p> - -<p>Johnson said, "Don't try to figure us out down here, not this time. We -discussed that, Zeke. Society and the individual here is too complex. -Specialists here, psychologists, trying to figure that out about -themselves are running into difficulty. Just take it as easy as you can -and don't get too curious. We'll get you out somewhere where you won't -be bothered much, and you can study at your leisure. Remember, you only -have six months of this, then you'll be on your way home to Mars."</p> - -<p>Zeke said, "Yes. Martian culture must have been complex like this once, -but that was very long ago. It seems to frighten me a bit. This—what -you call laughter. There seems no analogy for it in my own language or -culture. Why is it directed in such volume specifically at me? I mean -as a sign of appreciation and like, why is so little of it going on -between two or more of your own kind? I do not—"</p> - -<p>"You know the meaning of tragedy, sadness, bereavement. We have an -opposite. Laughter. You make people very happy, Zeke. You make them -enjoy themselves very much."</p> - -<p>Zeke thought about this.</p> - -<p>Johnson forced a laugh. "You see you shouldn't try to figure it out! -Just make your visit here as enjoyable as possible. It won't be long -before you'll be on your way back home—"</p> - -<p>"All right," Zeke said. "I want to study here. I want to take back to -Mars an understanding of humans."</p> - -<p>"If you take that back you'll take back more than anyone I ever heard -of has to give," muttered Johnson.</p> - -<p>The immediately subsequent events were too incredible and fast-paced -for Johnson to cope with with any degree of effectiveness. With Zeke, -he was swirled away in a mad maelstrom of activity. He went with Zeke -on a crazy toboggan ride that gained momentum all the way toward an end -Johnson was horrified to imagine.</p> - -<p>The newspapers and television and news-reel cameras started the -toboggan going. They started the whole world laughing at Zeke. It was -too big a novelty to be ignored by American advertisers, or by any -other agencies standing to profit from the greatest novelty in history. -Zeke seemed to have all the qualities of all the greatest clowns in the -history of clowndom, plus unique characteristics of his own which in -turn seemed to bring out something else in the misty realms of human -psychology where so much was suspected but of which so little was known.</p> - -<p>Johnson tried to object but he couldn't without revealing the truth to -Zeke. Besides, Zeke wanted to please. He wanted to make people like him -and his kind. He wanted humans and Martians always to get along, so he -went along with compliancy on the crazy ride.</p> - -<p>They insisted that Johnson get a cut of the fabulous profits -accruing from Zeke's endorsements, his television, radio, and stage -performances. Johnson refused. The money went to charity. He explained -that to Zeke. That made Zeke feel good for a while. He appeared at -benefit performances. Everywhere, everyone was laughing louder and -louder. Johnson somehow kept Zeke convinced that his lectures were -received in the serious regard Zeke intended ... that the laughter was -only appreciation and so forth.</p> - -<p>During a tour, Johnson stopped off in Chicago to see a friend. A -clinical psychologist, Philip Billington. Johnson had lost weight. His -nerves were frayed.</p> - -<p>Philip's study was comfortable. And there were cool drinks and dim -light, and Johnson sat there like a man paroled another day from a -death chamber. Philip, a quiet little man with a rather prominent nose -and soft eyes, regarded Johnson quietly for a while.</p> - -<p>Finally Johnson said, "Physically I'm not built for it. Martians only -sleep six hours out of every three weeks of Earth time. I have to keep -up with him, try to keep him from being completely sucked up by—"</p> - -<p>"How are you helping him?"</p> - -<p>Johnson explained. "He doesn't know what laughter is. I mean what it is -in his case as far as his audiences are concerned. I'm not sure what it -is myself. Except that it's pretty horrible!"</p> - -<p>"The whole thing's rather horrible," Billington agreed. "Are you doing -anything to get your Martian out of all this madness? I'll admit that -it could result in something tragic. If you've been keeping him in -ignorance—"</p> - -<p>"What else could I do? What if he found out he's regarded as a clown, -a buffoon, a ludicrous, sham-clumsy sort of animal? I've written out a -full report to the United Nations, and I've contacted James Hatcher, a -UN lawyer friend of mine and he's working on it. So far there's been no -results from either source. I say there must be some legal angles."</p> - -<p>"Maybe there is," Billington mused. "But I'm just a psychologist. You -say Zeke has no sense of humor? Rather an abstract term. Even to us, -humans and psychologists alike, the anatomy of humor is pretty complex, -contradictory, confusing and inconsistent."</p> - -<p>"But why do they go so insanely hysterical with laughter at Zeke?"</p> - -<p>"Why? There's a question all right, Bill. It's contrast in humorous -situations, such as this one, that sometimes makes it horrible. In -this case it's the fact that people are laughing at what we know is -something deadly serious, which only makes it more grotesque. Add -to this the vast cultural differences, the unbridgeable gap, the -psychological isolation, and you have that thin line between farce and -tragedy—"</p> - -<p>"There's never been anything like this though," Johnson moaned. "It's -all out of line. Here we have the first visitor from another planet. -An important, dignified individual, and the world regards him as a -buffoon! Something's got to be done!"</p> - -<p>"I agree. But what?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Philip looked at the ceiling, then back at Johnson. "Humor. What are -its basic elements? Surprise. Aberrancy. Ah, we have that element. -Oddity, singularity, peculiarity, nonconformity in what is supposed to -be a well-ordered world. Also irrationalism, we have that too. A form -of aberrancy. Zeke acts in a manner people regard as foolish, mistaken, -ill-advised ... oddity of character behavior. People like this kind -of humor; it allows him to feel superior. Here we find the element -of sadism in humor, you see. Humor can be horrible in retrospect, or -looking at it from a distance. Kinds of humor change. They used to -write jokes about burning witches alive. Cripples and insane people -used to be funny."</p> - -<p>"All right," Johnson said. "But there's something more here."</p> - -<p>"Yes. Yes, there is. I think I have it, some of it anyway. There's -a connection between terror and humor. Build up a suspense, an -anticipation of terror, then present something harmless, and you get -a tremendous relief through laughter. People have been conditioned -to fear the alien, particularly the alien from outer space, and -particularly the bogey-man Martian who has been popularized in fiction -for a long time. Maybe the whole world's reacting to Zeke as a kind -of anticlimax. A long build-up to expect some fearsome monster, maybe -with super weapons capable of wiping out the Earth in one fell swoop of -deadly rays, and then they get Zeke!</p> - -<p>"And add to that the other free-floating anxieties people suffer in a -too-complex society, sourceless fears they don't even realize exist. -They project all that into the surprise twist too. And we get a world -practically prostrated with laughter because they expect a monster and -get the most, to them at least, exaggerated kind of loping, rubberoid, -harmless clown."</p> - -<p>"But a clinical diagnosis doesn't help Zeke any."</p> - -<p>"No. No, it doesn't. Not now anyway. It might—"</p> - -<p>"The UN should do something. America's exploiting Zeke for commercial -purposes primarily. Zeke isn't a guest of the United States. He's from -another planet. He's really visiting the whole world. No one nation—"</p> - -<p>Billington nodded. "I hope something happens. I hate to see you in such -a state, Bill. Pretty soon, if you don't snap out of this and find some -solution, you'll end up coming to me for treatment."</p> - -<p>Johnson needed treatment when Hollywood decided to make a movie -featuring Zeke. He didn't go to Philip Billington though. He fought -this to the end but the fight was futile. They gave Zeke a good sales -talk, and of course it wasn't Johnson's position to tell Zeke what, -or what not, to do. He had trapped himself nicely so that he couldn't -explain to Zeke the real reasons for his objections.</p> - -<p>The movie was called MARS INVADES THE EARTH. They told Zeke it would be -a semi-documentary; that it would assure good relations between Earth -and Mars and acquaint the whole world with Martian culture.</p> - -<p>There was a special preview showing in the United Nations Cultural -Building in United Nations City. Johnson was there, waiting in the -lobby for the fiasco to end. He had seen the first part of it but had -been unable to stomach the rest. He paced nervously back and forth -across the lush carpet wondering how Zeke was taking it. It wasn't at -all what they had led Zeke to believe it was. It was pure fiction in -which a Martian monster invaded the Earth with a weapon capable of -blowing the world into component atoms, but the Martian was so funny he -conquered the Earth with laughter.</p> - -<p>Johnson could hear the UN Officials invited to the showing laughing -uproariously in there. What—what would Zeke be thinking now?</p> - -<p>He stopped pacing. Zeke was in the lobby with him, and the picture -wasn't nearly over. Zeke's whole body stood there very stiffly. -Johnson felt sick.</p> - -<p>"You have been lying to me," Zeke said. His face twisted with that odd -rubber-mask plasticity that seemed to be so funny.</p> - -<p>"No, Zeke, you've got to let me explain."</p> - -<p>"All this time you have never told me the truth about this laughter. -Everybody thinks that I am funny. They look upon me as something -ridiculous."</p> - -<p>"I—"</p> - -<p>"They lied to me also. This picture is not what they said it would be. -I heard them talking in there. They did not know I was sitting there by -them in the dark. I found out why all this laughter should be always -directed at me! Why at me? Why always at me? I have found out!"</p> - -<p>"Zeke—!"</p> - -<p>"What is this humor of yours? What is so funny that gives you -satisfaction in freaks and fools? In the misfortunes of others? You -think we Martians do not know what this laughter really means? Maybe -we know. I guess it is just that we knew a long time back and have -forgotten it. Now I know what it is and what it means."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Johnson was trying to say something. It didn't make any difference now. -Laughter came from inside the big auditorium. Zeke's huge ungainly -body loped toward the exit. He turned. "I do not want to see or talk -to you or to any other human beings. I do not like to see or talk to -any of you any more. I will go to your place, if you will permit me -to do so, and there I will seclude myself until your next rocket goes -back to Mars. I do not want any one to come out there to see or to talk -with me. I do not want to be in any more television shows or radio -broadcasts or moving pictures."</p> - -<p>"All right!" Johnson yelled above the laughter. "But let me take you to -my apartment. How you going to get there? You can't speak English."</p> - -<p>The guard stood in front of the exit. He turned and grinned up at Zeke. -He began to laugh as Zeke swung back and forth, wanting out. Zeke made -gestures and spoke. "I wish to go outside. Would you be so kind as to -step out of the doorway, please?"</p> - -<p>The guard had no idea what Zeke was saying, nor what his movements -meant. All the guard knew was that Zeke was a Martian bogey turned -clown and he laughed louder. "You will step to one side, please."</p> - -<p>Johnson started toward them.</p> - -<p>"I wish you would step aside and stop laughing at me," Zeke said.</p> - -<p>Johnson started to yell something but he was too late. He knew there -was no malicious intent in Zeke's action, only desperation, confusion, -bewilderment, humility. He pushed the guard out of the way, but his -strength was much greater than Zeke was used to exerting under any such -circumstances.</p> - -<p>The guard hurtled ten feet away. Johnson heard the sickening thud -of his head against the wall. Johnson ran over there, saw the open, -staring eyes of the guard, and then he saw Zeke running across the -rain-splattered street through the neon-shining dark. He saw a few -people stop and wonder a moment, then laugh.</p> - -<p>Johnson leaned against the wall and closed his eyes before he went -to the public phone booth. He could still hear the laughter from the -auditorium as he called the police.</p> - -<p>They figured Johnson would know where Zeke was. They questioned him for -what seemed hours. He had no idea where Zeke would go to hide or where -he would be now. Zeke could speak only a few words of English. No, Zeke -wouldn't harm anybody. Yes, I know he killed the guard, but that was an -accident. A misunderstanding.</p> - -<p>No, God no! I don't know where he would go!</p> - -<p>Yes, yes, I'll make tape recorded messages to be broadcast to Zeke. -I'll make some television kinescopes too. Maybe Zeke will hear me and -give himself up without any trouble. Play the recordings and show the -kinescopes on every station in the city.</p> - -<p>Sure I will. But why don't you send out broadcasts and telecasts to the -people instead of to Zeke? That would be more logical. Tell them not -to be afraid of him. That he wouldn't hurt anybody. Tell them not to -incite any more confusion in Zeke.</p> - -<p>I know, I know, somebody hit Zeke with a cane, but he wasn't trying to -attack the old man! You've got everyone scared of him now. A few hours -ago everybody was laughing, and now you've got everyone thinking he's -some kind of horrible monster.</p> - -<p>I know ... the woman wheeling the baby. But she was hysterical when she -saw Zeke there on that side street. She screamed and went crazy. But -that isn't Zeke's fault. That's your fault. No! I said I don't know -where he would be hiding now!</p> - -<p>You can leave now, Johnson. But stay where we can get in touch with -you at once. You're the only way we can establish any contact with -Zeke—unless of course we have to kill it.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>So Johnson made the tape recordings and the television kinescopes, -and he sat in a kind of daze in the semi-darkness of the apartment of -Hatcher, a friend of his, looking at his own image speaking Martian to -millions of people, and listened to his voice.</p> - -<p>No one knew what he had said on those lengths of tape and on those -kinescopes. He hadn't said what he was supposed to say—not for Zeke to -give himself up. Zeke might not understand that, and he might get shot. -He told Zeke to meet him just outside the UN grounds at the West end -of a public park that had been built to replace a former slum area—to -beautify the area surrounding the UN territory. A high wall flanked the -West end of the park and thick brush and trees were there affording a -good hiding place.</p> - -<p>And Johnson would meet Zeke there as soon as he could. Don't do -anything else, if possible, until I can talk with you, Zeke.</p> - -<p>The newscasts came on frequently, mostly about Zeke. He was seen first -here and then there.</p> - -<p>The city was supposedly gripped in a reign of terror. Kids playing in a -vacant lot near the UN grounds had dug a small cave and had found Zeke -hiding in it. The Martian had made horrible sounds and leaped at them, -the kids said. The kids had thrown rocks at him. They said he looked -funny at first, all covered with dirt, and stumbling around like he was -drunk or something.</p> - -<p>The police had thrown up nets and blockades everywhere. The number of -cars in surrounding precincts were tripled. Walls went up everywhere. -State, county, sheriff deputies' cars formed wall after wall that were -tightening. Information about the crime and a description of Zeke -had been spread over such a wide area from the crime scene that five -states away the police had thrown up blockades. The description was a -formality.</p> - -<p>Everyone knew what the Martian looked like.</p> - -<p>Johnson waited there in Hatcher's apartment.</p> - -<p>He tried to get in touch with the lawyer, but that seemed impossible. -No one knew where Hatcher was. But Johnson knew the police were -shadowing him, hoping he would lead them to where Zeke was hiding.</p> - -<p>He had to get over there to that park where Zeke might be hiding, -waiting for him, without being trailed there. That wouldn't be easy. It -was out of Johnson's line.</p> - -<p>The newscast said that Zeke had blundered into someone's estate near -the UN grounds and had had a couple of big dogs sent after him. In -protecting himself, Zeke had killed the dogs. It would seem that -killing the two dogs was worse in some ways than if Zeke had killed two -more human beings.</p> - -<p>No one, of course, even remembered ever having laughed at Zeke. He had -become the typical alien Martian menace, a Welles and Wells character. -A monster from another world, a bogey Martian, a menace, a stalking -terror, an inhuman monster.</p> - -<p>"They'll kill him," Johnson whispered. He got up and got Hatcher's -topcoat out of the closet and put on Hatcher's hat. "They'll kill him -and he won't have any idea what's happened or why." That's the worst -part of it, he thought. Somewhere in the rainy dark was Zeke, feeling -terribly the hostility of his human surroundings. Confused, desperate, -panic-stricken. Not understanding any of it.</p> - -<p>Johnson went out into the hall of the apartment-hotel. Empty. The -police would be guarding the front entrance certainly, maybe the back. -But there was another exit out of the basement into the vacant lot, and -maybe they wouldn't know about that.</p> - -<p>He went down into the basement, went out that entrance and into -the vacant lot among the dripping trees. He stood there, listening, -watching. He put his hands in Hatcher's topcoat pocket and felt the -small snub-nosed revolver there. He jerked his hand out.</p> - -<p>He heard nothing but the rain on the palm fronds and the tires humming -on wet pavement. Above him, the gray night's hand cupped over the city, -reflecting its neon life through misty rain.</p> - -<p>He went cautiously through the trees, through a pit being excavated -for building, and emerged onto the street a block and a half away. And -still no one.</p> - -<p>He walked faster, signaled a cab. He sat there stiffly and numb with -tension as the cab took him with casual speed to the park.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He walked slowly along past the high dense brush of the park next to -the wall, his shoes squeeshing on the wet turf. Beyond the wall he -could see a tall bulky building with little yellow window eyes that -blinked in the rain. Absently, he remembered it was the big Community -Hospital.</p> - -<p>"Zeke," he called as he walked past the high dense brush. "Zeke."</p> - -<p>He went the length of the park's West end, started back, continuing to -call Zeke's name. The strange alien whisper sent a chill down his arms.</p> - -<p>"Mr. Johnson—"</p> - -<p>The brush shivered. Zeke had heard the message all right. "Mr. Johnson. -I am ill. I am cold and I am tired. I do not have any idea what to do."</p> - -<p>Johnson said. "Come out here, Zeke. You have to turn yourself in to the -proper authorities here that maintain law and order. I've explained -something about that. I promise you it will be all right. You've got to -trust me, Zeke."</p> - -<p>"People are afraid of me. They throw stones at me and run away when I -approach them. I cannot understand—"</p> - -<p>Johnson explained quickly that the guard Zeke had shoved was dead. "It -has to be straightened out, that's all, Zeke. Then things will be all -right."</p> - -<p>Johnson saw the shape back there in the dim wet shadows under the wall, -crouching, hardly distinguishable. He saw Zeke for what he was, a lost -stranger, helpless, incomprehensible. Too bewildered now to understand, -too weary to see anything, too anxious perhaps to care. Alien, sick, -abominably unhappy, taken out of his knowledge, bitter in utter -loneliness, his home so far away—so very far away.</p> - -<p>It moved toward him, rising up, rising taller, its undulating hugeness -bending and swaying above the brush. It stood unsteady on its legs, -its rubberoid flesh dripping and shining. Surrounded by the wet night, -Johnson saw him as something cast out mysteriously by the sea on some -alien shore to perish in the supreme disaster of loneliness. Zeke's -body shivered all over suddenly. Johnson sucked in his breath, felt the -quick sick emptiness. He turned. Shapes running, footsteps slipping -and scrambling toward them out of the brush. The glint and shine of -uniforms and guns. They had trailed him after all—</p> - -<p>"Stop, don't move! We'll shoot!"</p> - -<p>"Don't!" Johnson yelled frantically. "For God's sake, listen." Zeke's -grotesque body crashed backward and Johnson saw the bursts of orange -flame flowering to horror in his brain. Shots blared flatly. Zeke went -up, over the wall and was gone on the other side.</p> - -<p>Johnson scrambled into the brush. He felt the gun in his hand and he -felt himself squeeze the trigger once, twice. He was screaming. "Stay -back, you crazy fools! I'll shoot anyone I see moving in here!"</p> - -<p>"What's the matter with you—hey—that you, Johnson?"</p> - -<p>"He's flipped," someone shouted.</p> - -<p>"Johnson! You'll get yourself in a lot of trouble. You might kill -somebody."</p> - -<p>"He's crazy," someone said.</p> - -<p>"You guys crawl back and go round into the hospital and round up the -Martian."</p> - -<p>Johnson crawled along the wall on his hands and knees. He kept crawling -and then, wedging himself between a tree trunk and the wall, edged up -the wall, over it, and dropped to the other side. He ran across the -grounds desperately looking for Zeke.</p> - -<p>He saw nothing on the grounds, no sign of anything or anybody. Then -he saw Zeke up there in the gray drizzle, three stories up on the -fire-escape platform. He didn't yell. He ran and then he felt the harsh -wet cold of the metal as he climbed.</p> - -<p>He followed wet tracks down the floor of the hall, found a door. As -he started to open it he saw the police come around the corner at the -other end of the hall. They stopped when they saw him. Johnson heard -laughter coming from beyond the door. The laughter got louder. The -shrill, high, spontaneous and abandoned laughter of children.</p> - -<p>The police moved cautiously toward him. Johnson opened the door and -went in, shut it quickly behind him.</p> - -<p>A nurse came over to Johnson, smiled at him.</p> - -<p>She stood with her arms folded and stood beside him and the both of -them watched Zeke in the middle of the big hospital ward.</p> - -<p>"We're so glad Zeke came back," the nurse said. "And surprising us this -way makes it so much more delightful for the children."</p> - -<p>Yes, thought Johnson dully, Zeke was here before, once. A benefit -performance. For crippled children. And neither the kids nor the two -nurses in here had heard about Zeke's sudden status as a criminal. No -radios in here—only recording machines playing pleasant things for the -kids. Too much unpleasantness on the regular programs.</p> - -<p>An isolated world in which they still saw Zeke only as a clown.</p> - -<p>The kids on the beds lining the walls, many of whom would never leave -this room except in wheeled chairs, were screaming and hollering and -shrieking with laughter at Zeke's antics. Their laughter bubbled higher -and louder. Zeke twisted round and round, his arms swinging, as he did -a shambling jig, danced this way and that. "The clown's back!" "Dance, -dance, dance some more!" "Stand on your head, Zeke!"</p> - -<p>"They have so little real happiness," the nurse said. "I've hoped Zeke -would come back. Nothing here has ever made them happier and laugh more -loudly than Zeke."</p> - -<p>Johnson walked through the waves of free wild laughter to Zeke's side. -He whispered.</p> - -<p>"Stay right here, Zeke. Don't leave this room until I give you the -word. These kids really appreciate you, Zeke. Believe me, I'm not lying -this time. These kids are happy now, because of you, and they don't -have much happiness. Life's worth living right now for them, Zeke. And -it's because of you. Stay right here."</p> - -<p>"I am very sick," Zeke said. "I will do as you say. I cannot go -further."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Johnson backed to the door, managed to smile to the nurse, and went -into the hall.</p> - -<p>Quickly he shut the door as the police rushed in. Captain Maxson, in -charge of some detail or other, a short heavy blond young man, eager to -do his duty, grabbed at Johnson.</p> - -<p>"You go blundering in there to get Zeke," Johnson said, "and you'll -not only take a chance of injuring or killing some of those kids, but -what's worse, you may frighten them, disillusion them for the rest of -their lives!"</p> - -<p>"But that monster's liable to start killing in there," whispered Maxson -hoarsely.</p> - -<p>"If you go charging in there anything can happen. Let me do it my way -and there won't be any trouble."</p> - -<p>"What's your way?" Maxson obviously was in a bad predicament.</p> - -<p>"Let me make a phone-call first, then I'll take Zeke out and there'll -be no trouble. I can handle him. That's your only chance. You don't -want to hurt those kids, shock them! They don't know what's happened. -They still think Zeke's funny."</p> - -<p>Maxson touched his lips. "All right. Make the call. I'll give you ten -minutes—"</p> - -<p>This time he found Hatcher in. He quickly explained the situation. -"Hatcher! You said you'd have the dope from Humphreys at the UN."</p> - -<p>"And I have," Hatcher said. "It's all right now. I'll rush a couple of -UN Deputies over there with special orders right now!"</p> - -<p>"Well hurry!" Johnson yelled. Then he stepped out of the booth -practically into Maxson's arms.</p> - -<p>"Now, go in there and get him out here, Johnson!"</p> - -<p>"We're waiting for two United Nations Deputies. They'll be here in a -minute. They're going to take charge of Zeke from now on."</p> - -<p>"What—well, okay, let them arrest him. That's a load off my back—"</p> - -<p>"They're not coming here to arrest him. But to protect him from being -arrested or otherwise annoyed until he goes back to Mars."</p> - -<p>"I don't get it at all. I got orders—"</p> - -<p>"Here's how it is," Johnson said. "Now that we've established relations -with another planet, Mars, the UN has jurisdiction over all such -relationships and transactions. UN City is extra-territorial. It -belongs to no nation, including the United States, and therefore the -United States has no jurisdiction over Zeke, or anything having to do -with inter-world relations.</p> - -<p>"That's a UN problem. Furthermore, Zeke is here in the capacity of -Martian Ambassador, and the UN has been officially declared the -site of the official future Martian Embassy, and therefore Zeke has -diplomatic immunity. That guard's death was accidental, caused by a -misunderstanding. But regardless, he can't be tried by any nation -on Earth because the accident occurred on Martian Embassy grounds -officially.</p> - -<p>"If Zeke's ever tried for any crime it will have to be on Mars. That's -the rule."</p> - -<p>And that was the way it was.</p> - -<p>After seeking Zeke off in the second Mars-bound rocket, he went to -Billington's and sat in his study, relaxed for the first time in six -months.</p> - -<p>"How was Zeke?" Billington asked. "Seem to feel any better about his -visit to Earth?"</p> - -<p>"Much better," Johnson said. "In fact, he seemed to feel better about -the whole thing than at any time during his stay here. He said he -understood a great deal more about us than he might otherwise have -learned.</p> - -<p>"And he said he understood our laughter too. A safety-valve, he said, -and that he was glad if he allowed us to let off a little steam. He -said there was a lot of steam here that needs to be let off."</p> - -<p>Billington smiled. "That's a concise and astute analysis," he said.</p> - -<p>"It seems to be the laughter of those crippled kids that did it," -Johnson added. "Zeke got an idea there how beneficial laughter is."</p> - -<p>Billington nodded. "However, maybe Zeke's analysis is -overly-simplified." His mouth set in a serious line. "The laughter of -kids is hardly comparable to the laughter of adults. The kids were -laughing <i>with</i> Zeke. Does he realize the difference there?"</p> - -<p>Johnson said, "Maybe he doesn't. The Martians have a lot to learn about -human beings."</p> - -<p>"So do we," Billington sighed.</p> - -<pre style='margin-top:6em'> -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAST LAUGH *** - -This file should be named 63986-h.htm or 63986-h.zip - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/6/3/9/8/63986/ - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. 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