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-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Luminous Blonde, by Hayden Howard
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: The Luminous Blonde
-
-Author: Hayden Howard
-
-Release Date: November 27, 2020 [EBook #63889]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LUMINOUS BLONDE ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
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-</pre>
-
-
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-
-<h1>THE LUMINOUS BLONDE</h1>
-
-<h2>By HAYDEN HOWARD</h2>
-
-<p><i>Some dames are bright. Some brighter. Like the<br />
-gorgeous wife of the playboy Commish who combined<br />
-all the stellar attributes necessary to slice in<br />
-two parts an ultra modern spaceship, and a<br />
-marriage, with one swoop of a clockhand.</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Planet Stories November 1952.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>As the frilly-bloused rockette bent over him to unbuckle his
-safticorsette, newly appointed Commissioner-For-Economics-For-Mars
-J. Edwin Elbert peeked. But her fingernails tatted so hastily at the
-buckle that he raised his surprisingly youthful blue eyes to her face.
-She was blushing there too. A pretty little baby face.</p>
-
-<p>Skillfully he swallowed a rising belch that was a natural consequence
-of the cessation of gravity upon a paunch overbloated with farewell
-champagne, Venus-dipped cold crab and too sweet apricot bread.</p>
-
-<p>"Director Hugens is to be congratulated upon his choice of rockettes,"
-he rumbled, sneaking his fat, glossily manicured fingers about her
-wrist. The click of the powder-room door would warn him of his wife's
-return. "Just the other day I was telling him that the new Bolo II
-should have only the best. I see he has exceeded even my most hopeful
-expectations."</p>
-
-<p>She giggled nervously.</p>
-
-<p>"Tell me my dear, when does the Bolo go into Hugens' celebrated
-centrigrav? This weightlessness is rather unsettling to one's stomach."</p>
-
-<p>"Can I get you a demamine pill, sir?"</p>
-
-<p>"No, thank you. When does&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh! At 1900 hours," she gushed.</p>
-
-<p>"The ship splits in half," she added helpfully, and dimpled in that
-winning way of little girls who will never grow up.</p>
-
-<p>"Remarkable. They tell me some sort of cable will tie us together."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes sir, when we are far enough out in space so there isn't any air
-friction, Mr. Webley, the pilot, pulls a little lever and the nose
-flies off. He'll be all alone out there for forty-two days."</p>
-
-<p>"And only a thin cable connects our passenger section to his control
-section?" He was quite familiar with the details since he had lobbied
-for the initial appropriation. Her forearm had a nice warm smooth
-feeling.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, you understand it perfectly, sir. When we're a mile apart a little
-rocket in the side makes us spin round and round. Then I can take off
-these old iron shoes." She followed his gaze to her legs and tittered.</p>
-
-<p>He speculated that similar magnets must be holding down the hem of her
-nylon skirt.</p>
-
-<p>"And does this spinning about a common axis continue until we near
-Mars?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes sir, for forty-two days. Excuse me sir, I think null gravity is
-making that lady ill."</p>
-
-<p>After carefully wiping his palm on his coatsleeve he replaced his unlit
-cigar in his broad, gleaming face. He was in the smiling sensuality of
-a daydream when the powder-room door clicked.</p>
-
-<p>His wife was beautiful.</p>
-
-<p>Uptilting his cigar he watched her drift down the aisle. With one
-scarlet-tipped finger she prevented her diaphanous skirt from floating
-very high above her knees. A lovely lady. He champed on the cigar. It's
-not every man whose wife is a natural blonde ex-starlet young enough to
-be his daughter.</p>
-
-<p>But a little discipline was in order.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>"Landa, I wish you had remembered to have Hykato pack my golf things."</p>
-
-<p>"Edwin please, this null gravity is upsetting my tummy."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, it's the least you could have done."</p>
-
-<p>"And how would we have gotten it on the ship?" her voice shrilled
-unexpectedly. "You embarrassed me enough as it was."</p>
-
-<p>"Listen, I'm the Commissioner. No two-bit pilot is going to tell me
-what I can't take. The luggage limit is ridiculous!"</p>
-
-<p>"What are you complaining about? He let you take everything, didn't he?"</p>
-
-<p>"After you smiled at him."</p>
-
-<p>"I was only trying to be pleasant."</p>
-
-<p>"Pleasant is it? Last time you said it was to influence him to take all
-my luggage."</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah and you got sore because you weren't a big enough shot to swing
-the deal alone," her voice rasped through its lady-like veneer.</p>
-
-<p>"That's a lie. Furthermore I don't want to catch you smiling at him
-again."</p>
-
-<p>"I give up," she exclaimed and reached for a telemag.</p>
-
-<p>But he wouldn't drop it there. "I didn't like that fellow's looks.
-Pads in his shoulders, little waxed mustache. Who does he think he is,
-Captain Future?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, don't be funny. Just think what he thinks of you after what you
-said to him in front of all the other passengers and crew."</p>
-
-<p>"Taking his side now?"</p>
-
-<p>"I am not." She gave a little sniff and fumbled for her handkerchief.
-"You're so mean and masterful I'm surprised you don't make me go up
-front and tell him what a sap he is."</p>
-
-<p>"He was a sap smiling at my wife all right." He uplifted his cigar with
-a mollified grin. "He wasted a smile there. Two-bit pilot, who does he
-think he is?"</p>
-
-<p>"He did smile at me though," she appended in a small voice.</p>
-
-<p>His voice snapped out again: "And you smiled back!" He ground his unlit
-cigar into the ash tray. "I think you were just now trying to flatter
-me; I think you were trying to turn me off the track when you said
-you'd go up and tell him what a sap he is."</p>
-
-<p>"I was not."</p>
-
-<p>"Don't try to wiggle out of it. That's what you said."</p>
-
-<p>"All right, if you think I should, I will."</p>
-
-<p>"Well now&mdash;" He paused smiling and carefully trimmed the crushed end of
-his cigar with a gold plated cigar cutter before he continued: "If you
-insist, go ahead."</p>
-
-<p>"There's not much time left," she said, pointing at the neon-dialed
-clock above the powder-room door. Beneath it hung an orange luminescent
-sign: U. S. Eastern Standard Earth Time Equivalent.</p>
-
-<p>"1850 hours," he snorted. "Don't try to wiggle out on that account. You
-have a half hour."</p>
-
-<p>"O.K., if you say so," she shrugged and chewed the inside of her
-cheek. "This isn't very nice."</p>
-
-<p>"Let's not get that way. You coolly slip the shaft in me enough. And
-stop powdering your nose."</p>
-
-<p>Without another word she rose and floated down the aisle, taking little
-care to suppress her skirt. Somebody whistled and the Commissioner
-angrily craned his thick neck around. He couldn't see who had done it.
-But he suspected the three grinning Cadet Astronauts in the last row of
-seats.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/>
- <div class="caption">
- <p><i>She rose and floated down the aisle, taking little care to suppress her rising, diaphanous skirt.</i></p>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>As the door to the control room clanged shut, the powder-room door
-clicked open and the rockette tapped out on her iron shoe-soles.
-Commissioner Elbert rolled his eyes and smiled, but she seemed
-preoccupied with a smaller female with pigtails and the hiccups.</p>
-
-<p>Guess I'll have a look forward myself, he thought. Just like a woman to
-go up there, wait in the hall a minute and come back.</p>
-
-<p>Rising, he floated past the rockette toward the control room door.</p>
-
-<p>"Don't open that, sir. The ship's about to separate."</p>
-
-<p>"What? It's only 1855 hours."</p>
-
-<p>"That is Eastern Standard Time, sir. The clock at the other end of
-the aisle, over the men's room, gives the Standard Star Time our ship
-schedule operates on."</p>
-
-<p>Those neon hands pointed at 1900.</p>
-
-<p>With a strangled yell he lunged for the door, but as his hand closed
-about the handle something clicked and it resisted his straining and
-then his pounding fists.</p>
-
-<p>A buzzer sounded and a cheery masculine voice spoke over the intercom.
-"Hello again passengers, this is your pilot Hugh Webley wishing you a
-pleasant crossing. Please re-enter your safticorsettes. The Bolo II
-will now separate."</p>
-
-<p>"Intercom," the Commissioner shouted. Shoving past the slack-jawed
-rockette, he literally swam down the gravityless aisle to the
-engineering hatchway. It opened to his shouts.</p>
-
-<p>"Yeah?" A giant with a handlebar mustache peered up at him.</p>
-
-<p>"I'm Commissioner Elbert. Call your pilot at once. I order the ship not
-to separate."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Hastily the giant lifted the phone. Commissioner Elbert could hear the
-steady buzz.</p>
-
-<p>"Sorry sir, Webley's cut us off. He does that so no one will interrupt
-him while he's setting the auto controls."</p>
-
-<p>"Get him somehow. My wife's up there."</p>
-
-<p>The giant coughed and strangled and turned his face away. "I'll keep
-trying sir," he gasped. "But sometimes he cuts us off for days. He
-sleeps a lot."</p>
-
-<p>"Forehatch," the Commissioner shouted suddenly. "Unlock the forehatch."</p>
-
-<p>Wearily the giant clambered up. He towered above Elbert.</p>
-
-<p>"Didn't you hear what I said," the Commissioner yelled. "Unlock the
-door to the control room."</p>
-
-<p>"Sorry sir, the lock's automatic."</p>
-
-<p>"Well dammit, blast it down."</p>
-
-<p>Noisily the giant scratched his crewcut. "Maybe I could crowbar it."</p>
-
-<p>"Quick, you fool."</p>
-
-<p>"No, I can't. I can't sir. The ship might separate while the hatch was
-open and our own air pressure would blow us all into the vacuum. I
-can't risk the lives of our passengers, sir."</p>
-
-<p>"I'm Commissioner Elbert. Give me that crowbar."</p>
-
-<p>The giant held it behind him.</p>
-
-<p>"That's an order."</p>
-
-<p>"Sorry sir, better reclaim your seat before the jolt." The giant
-signalled with his fingers at the rockette.</p>
-
-<p>Elbert snatched at the crowbar. As the two men grappled for it,
-whirling like fighting cocks in the air, a tremendous surge hurled them
-the length of the aisle. Another slammed them against the powder-room
-door. When the giant helped the bleeding Commissioner to his feet,
-artificial gravity held them down.</p>
-
-<p>Emitting motherly sounds, the rockette tried to wipe the blood from his
-forehead. But he shoved her aside.</p>
-
-<p>"I'll sue. I'll have your transport license revoked."</p>
-
-<p>"Please sir," the rockette squeaked, "I'll bring you a sedative."</p>
-
-<p>"Hugens will hear about this," he shouted, writhing in the engineer's
-brawny arms. But then he sobbed: "I sent her up there. My fault, my
-idea, she didn't want to go. She was worried about the time and I told
-her there was plenty of time."</p>
-
-<p>As he gulped the sedative he looked like a punctured balloon.</p>
-
-<p>"I don't want a sedative," he shouted. But he had just swallowed it.
-He sagged again. "My fault. I told her there was plenty of time." He
-rubbed his sleeve across his nose.</p>
-
-<p>After they had settled him groggily in his seat, the rockette drew the
-engineer aside. Her pretty little brow wrinkled.</p>
-
-<p>"Dan, I can't figure it. Why does he think it's his fault? Gee, when
-we were in the powder-room together she asked me about why the clocks
-told different times, and I explained how we figure time by positions
-of stars instead of the earth and sun and all that stuff. You'd think
-she'd understood. She talked bright enough."</p>
-
-<p>The giant squeezed her arm affectionately. Lucky Webley, sap Commish,
-bright dame. Forty-two days and an alibi.</p>
-
-<p>He chuckled and walked his fingers up her arm.</p>
-
-<p>"Carol, you can't ever tell. All dames don't have the same amount of
-brightness you do."</p>
-
-<p>She giggled and shivered a little at his hand. "We learned all about
-time in rockette school."</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Luminous Blonde, by Hayden Howard
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: The Luminous Blonde
-
-Author: Hayden Howard
-
-Release Date: November 27, 2020 [EBook #63889]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LUMINOUS BLONDE ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- THE LUMINOUS BLONDE
-
- By HAYDEN HOWARD
-
- _Some dames are bright. Some brighter. Like the
- gorgeous wife of the playboy Commish who combined
- all the stellar attributes necessary to slice in
- two parts an ultra modern spaceship, and a
- marriage, with one swoop of a clockhand._
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Planet Stories November 1952.
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-As the frilly-bloused rockette bent over him to unbuckle his
-safticorsette, newly appointed Commissioner-For-Economics-For-Mars
-J. Edwin Elbert peeked. But her fingernails tatted so hastily at the
-buckle that he raised his surprisingly youthful blue eyes to her face.
-She was blushing there too. A pretty little baby face.
-
-Skillfully he swallowed a rising belch that was a natural consequence
-of the cessation of gravity upon a paunch overbloated with farewell
-champagne, Venus-dipped cold crab and too sweet apricot bread.
-
-"Director Hugens is to be congratulated upon his choice of rockettes,"
-he rumbled, sneaking his fat, glossily manicured fingers about her
-wrist. The click of the powder-room door would warn him of his wife's
-return. "Just the other day I was telling him that the new Bolo II
-should have only the best. I see he has exceeded even my most hopeful
-expectations."
-
-She giggled nervously.
-
-"Tell me my dear, when does the Bolo go into Hugens' celebrated
-centrigrav? This weightlessness is rather unsettling to one's stomach."
-
-"Can I get you a demamine pill, sir?"
-
-"No, thank you. When does--"
-
-"Oh! At 1900 hours," she gushed.
-
-"The ship splits in half," she added helpfully, and dimpled in that
-winning way of little girls who will never grow up.
-
-"Remarkable. They tell me some sort of cable will tie us together."
-
-"Yes sir, when we are far enough out in space so there isn't any air
-friction, Mr. Webley, the pilot, pulls a little lever and the nose
-flies off. He'll be all alone out there for forty-two days."
-
-"And only a thin cable connects our passenger section to his control
-section?" He was quite familiar with the details since he had lobbied
-for the initial appropriation. Her forearm had a nice warm smooth
-feeling.
-
-"Oh, you understand it perfectly, sir. When we're a mile apart a little
-rocket in the side makes us spin round and round. Then I can take off
-these old iron shoes." She followed his gaze to her legs and tittered.
-
-He speculated that similar magnets must be holding down the hem of her
-nylon skirt.
-
-"And does this spinning about a common axis continue until we near
-Mars?"
-
-"Yes sir, for forty-two days. Excuse me sir, I think null gravity is
-making that lady ill."
-
-After carefully wiping his palm on his coatsleeve he replaced his unlit
-cigar in his broad, gleaming face. He was in the smiling sensuality of
-a daydream when the powder-room door clicked.
-
-His wife was beautiful.
-
-Uptilting his cigar he watched her drift down the aisle. With one
-scarlet-tipped finger she prevented her diaphanous skirt from floating
-very high above her knees. A lovely lady. He champed on the cigar. It's
-not every man whose wife is a natural blonde ex-starlet young enough to
-be his daughter.
-
-But a little discipline was in order.
-
- * * * * *
-
-"Landa, I wish you had remembered to have Hykato pack my golf things."
-
-"Edwin please, this null gravity is upsetting my tummy."
-
-"Well, it's the least you could have done."
-
-"And how would we have gotten it on the ship?" her voice shrilled
-unexpectedly. "You embarrassed me enough as it was."
-
-"Listen, I'm the Commissioner. No two-bit pilot is going to tell me
-what I can't take. The luggage limit is ridiculous!"
-
-"What are you complaining about? He let you take everything, didn't he?"
-
-"After you smiled at him."
-
-"I was only trying to be pleasant."
-
-"Pleasant is it? Last time you said it was to influence him to take all
-my luggage."
-
-"Yeah and you got sore because you weren't a big enough shot to swing
-the deal alone," her voice rasped through its lady-like veneer.
-
-"That's a lie. Furthermore I don't want to catch you smiling at him
-again."
-
-"I give up," she exclaimed and reached for a telemag.
-
-But he wouldn't drop it there. "I didn't like that fellow's looks.
-Pads in his shoulders, little waxed mustache. Who does he think he is,
-Captain Future?"
-
-"Oh, don't be funny. Just think what he thinks of you after what you
-said to him in front of all the other passengers and crew."
-
-"Taking his side now?"
-
-"I am not." She gave a little sniff and fumbled for her handkerchief.
-"You're so mean and masterful I'm surprised you don't make me go up
-front and tell him what a sap he is."
-
-"He was a sap smiling at my wife all right." He uplifted his cigar with
-a mollified grin. "He wasted a smile there. Two-bit pilot, who does he
-think he is?"
-
-"He did smile at me though," she appended in a small voice.
-
-His voice snapped out again: "And you smiled back!" He ground his unlit
-cigar into the ash tray. "I think you were just now trying to flatter
-me; I think you were trying to turn me off the track when you said
-you'd go up and tell him what a sap he is."
-
-"I was not."
-
-"Don't try to wiggle out of it. That's what you said."
-
-"All right, if you think I should, I will."
-
-"Well now--" He paused smiling and carefully trimmed the crushed end of
-his cigar with a gold plated cigar cutter before he continued: "If you
-insist, go ahead."
-
-"There's not much time left," she said, pointing at the neon-dialed
-clock above the powder-room door. Beneath it hung an orange luminescent
-sign: U. S. Eastern Standard Earth Time Equivalent.
-
-"1850 hours," he snorted. "Don't try to wiggle out on that account. You
-have a half hour."
-
-"O.K., if you say so," she shrugged and chewed the inside of her
-cheek. "This isn't very nice."
-
-"Let's not get that way. You coolly slip the shaft in me enough. And
-stop powdering your nose."
-
-Without another word she rose and floated down the aisle, taking little
-care to suppress her skirt. Somebody whistled and the Commissioner
-angrily craned his thick neck around. He couldn't see who had done it.
-But he suspected the three grinning Cadet Astronauts in the last row of
-seats.
-
-[Illustration: _She rose and floated down the aisle, taking little care
-to suppress her rising, diaphanous skirt._]
-
-As the door to the control room clanged shut, the powder-room door
-clicked open and the rockette tapped out on her iron shoe-soles.
-Commissioner Elbert rolled his eyes and smiled, but she seemed
-preoccupied with a smaller female with pigtails and the hiccups.
-
-Guess I'll have a look forward myself, he thought. Just like a woman to
-go up there, wait in the hall a minute and come back.
-
-Rising, he floated past the rockette toward the control room door.
-
-"Don't open that, sir. The ship's about to separate."
-
-"What? It's only 1855 hours."
-
-"That is Eastern Standard Time, sir. The clock at the other end of
-the aisle, over the men's room, gives the Standard Star Time our ship
-schedule operates on."
-
-Those neon hands pointed at 1900.
-
-With a strangled yell he lunged for the door, but as his hand closed
-about the handle something clicked and it resisted his straining and
-then his pounding fists.
-
-A buzzer sounded and a cheery masculine voice spoke over the intercom.
-"Hello again passengers, this is your pilot Hugh Webley wishing you a
-pleasant crossing. Please re-enter your safticorsettes. The Bolo II
-will now separate."
-
-"Intercom," the Commissioner shouted. Shoving past the slack-jawed
-rockette, he literally swam down the gravityless aisle to the
-engineering hatchway. It opened to his shouts.
-
-"Yeah?" A giant with a handlebar mustache peered up at him.
-
-"I'm Commissioner Elbert. Call your pilot at once. I order the ship not
-to separate."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Hastily the giant lifted the phone. Commissioner Elbert could hear the
-steady buzz.
-
-"Sorry sir, Webley's cut us off. He does that so no one will interrupt
-him while he's setting the auto controls."
-
-"Get him somehow. My wife's up there."
-
-The giant coughed and strangled and turned his face away. "I'll keep
-trying sir," he gasped. "But sometimes he cuts us off for days. He
-sleeps a lot."
-
-"Forehatch," the Commissioner shouted suddenly. "Unlock the forehatch."
-
-Wearily the giant clambered up. He towered above Elbert.
-
-"Didn't you hear what I said," the Commissioner yelled. "Unlock the
-door to the control room."
-
-"Sorry sir, the lock's automatic."
-
-"Well dammit, blast it down."
-
-Noisily the giant scratched his crewcut. "Maybe I could crowbar it."
-
-"Quick, you fool."
-
-"No, I can't. I can't sir. The ship might separate while the hatch was
-open and our own air pressure would blow us all into the vacuum. I
-can't risk the lives of our passengers, sir."
-
-"I'm Commissioner Elbert. Give me that crowbar."
-
-The giant held it behind him.
-
-"That's an order."
-
-"Sorry sir, better reclaim your seat before the jolt." The giant
-signalled with his fingers at the rockette.
-
-Elbert snatched at the crowbar. As the two men grappled for it,
-whirling like fighting cocks in the air, a tremendous surge hurled them
-the length of the aisle. Another slammed them against the powder-room
-door. When the giant helped the bleeding Commissioner to his feet,
-artificial gravity held them down.
-
-Emitting motherly sounds, the rockette tried to wipe the blood from his
-forehead. But he shoved her aside.
-
-"I'll sue. I'll have your transport license revoked."
-
-"Please sir," the rockette squeaked, "I'll bring you a sedative."
-
-"Hugens will hear about this," he shouted, writhing in the engineer's
-brawny arms. But then he sobbed: "I sent her up there. My fault, my
-idea, she didn't want to go. She was worried about the time and I told
-her there was plenty of time."
-
-As he gulped the sedative he looked like a punctured balloon.
-
-"I don't want a sedative," he shouted. But he had just swallowed it.
-He sagged again. "My fault. I told her there was plenty of time." He
-rubbed his sleeve across his nose.
-
-After they had settled him groggily in his seat, the rockette drew the
-engineer aside. Her pretty little brow wrinkled.
-
-"Dan, I can't figure it. Why does he think it's his fault? Gee, when
-we were in the powder-room together she asked me about why the clocks
-told different times, and I explained how we figure time by positions
-of stars instead of the earth and sun and all that stuff. You'd think
-she'd understood. She talked bright enough."
-
-The giant squeezed her arm affectionately. Lucky Webley, sap Commish,
-bright dame. Forty-two days and an alibi.
-
-He chuckled and walked his fingers up her arm.
-
-"Carol, you can't ever tell. All dames don't have the same amount of
-brightness you do."
-
-She giggled and shivered a little at his hand. "We learned all about
-time in rockette school."
-
-
-
-
-
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