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diff --git a/old/60957-h/60957-h.htm b/old/60957-h/60957-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 88ca7bd..0000000 --- a/old/60957-h/60957-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2757 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" -"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> - -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en" xml:lang="en"> - <head> <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> -<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> -<title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Court of Chancery, by Reginald James Blewitt. -</title> -<style type="text/css"> - p {margin-top:.2em;text-align:justify;margin-bottom:.2em;text-indent:4%;} - -.c {text-align:center;text-indent:0%;} - -.cb {text-align:center;text-indent:0%;font-weight:bold;} - -.doubll {letter-spacing:-.1em;font-weight:bold; -text-align:center;text-indent:0%;font-weight:bold;} - -.eng {font-family: "Old English Text MT",fantasy,sans-serif;} - -.fint {text-align:center;text-indent:0%; -margin-top:4em;} - -.lftspc {margin-left:.25em;} - -.r {text-align:right;margin-right: 5%;} - -small {font-size: 70%;} - -big {font-size: 130%;} - - h1 {margin-top:5%;text-align:center;clear:both; -font-weight:800;} - - h2 {margin-top:4%;margin-bottom:2%;text-align:center;clear:both; - font-size:110%;font-weight:normal;} - - hr {width:90%;margin:2em auto 2em auto;clear:both;color:black;} - - hr.full {width: 60%;margin:2% auto 2% auto;border-top:1px solid black; -padding:.1em;border-bottom:1px solid black;border-left:none;border-right:none;} - - table {margin-top:2%;margin-bottom:2%;margin-left:auto;margin-right:auto;border:none;} - - body{margin-left:4%;margin-right:6%;background:#ffffff;color:black;font-family:"Times New Roman", serif;font-size:medium;} - -a:link {background-color:#ffffff;color:blue;text-decoration:none;} - - link {background-color:#ffffff;color:blue;text-decoration:none;} - -a:visited {background-color:#ffffff;color:purple;text-decoration:none;} - -a:hover {background-color:#ffffff;color:#FF0000;text-decoration:underline;} - -.smcap {font-variant:small-caps;font-size:100%;} - - img {border:none;} - -.footnotes {border:dotted 3px gray;margin-top:5%;clear:both;} - -.footnote {width:95%;margin:auto 3% 1% auto;font-size:0.9em;position:relative;} - -.label {position:relative;left:-.5em;top:0;text-align:left;font-size:.8em;} - -.fnanchor {vertical-align:30%;font-size:.8em;} - -div.poetry {text-align:center;} -div.poem {font-size:100%;margin:auto auto;text-indent:0%; -display: inline-block; text-align: left;} -.poem .stanza {margin-top: 1em;margin-bottom:1em;} -.poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} -.poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 1em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} - -.pagenum {font-style:normal;position:absolute; -left:95%;font-size:55%;text-align:right;color:gray; -background-color:#ffffff;font-variant:normal;font-style:normal;font-weight:normal;text-decoration:none;text-indent:0em;} -@media print, handheld -{.pagenum - {display: none;} - } -</style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Court of Chancery: a satirical poem., by -Reginald James Blewitt - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Court of Chancery: a satirical poem. - -Author: Reginald James Blewitt - -Release Date: December 18, 2019 [EBook #60957] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COURT OF CHANCERY *** - - - - -Produced by Chuck Greif, deaurider and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p class="c"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="377" height="500" alt="" title="" /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_i" id="page_i">{i}</a></span> </p> - -<h1> -<small>THE</small><br /> - -C O U R T<br /> - -<small>OF</small><br /> - -C H A N C E R Y:</h1> - -<p class="c"><span class="eng"> -A Satirical Poem.</span><br /> -<br />—————<br /> -<small>BY</small><br /> -<br /><b> -REGINALD JAMES BLEWITT,</b><br /> -<br /><small> -LATE OF LINCOLNS INN.</small><br />————— -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">When knaves and fools combined o’er all prevail,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When justice halts, and right begins to fail;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en then the boldest start from public sneers,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Afraid of shame, unknown to other fears;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">More darkly sin, by satire kept in awe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And shrink from ridicule, if not from law. <span class="smcap">Byron.</span><br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="doubll">============</p> - -<p class="c"> -LONDON:<br /> -<br /><small> -PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY J. KAY, 1, WELBECK STREET,<br /> - -CAVENDISH SQUARE.</small><br /> -1827. -</p> - -<p class="c"> -<br /> -<br /> -<br /> -TO<br /> -<br /> -MAJOR EDWARD BLEWITT,<br /> -<br /> -OF LLANTARNAM ABBEY,<br /> -<br /><span class="eng"> -In the County of Monmouth,</span><br /> -<br /> -THIS WORK IS INSCRIBED,<br /> -<br /><small> -WITH EVERY SENTIMENT OF FILIAL AFFECTION,</small><br /> -<br /> -BY HIS SON,<br /> -<br /><span style="margin-left: 25%;"> -THE AUTHOR.</span><br /> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_1" id="page_1">{1}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_v" id="page_v">{v}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_iv" id="page_iv">{iv}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_iii" id="page_iii">{iii}</a></span></p> - -<h2><a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a>PREFACE.</h2> - -<p class="doubll">============</p> - -<p>The great delay and ruinous expenses of a Chancery suit have become -proverbial. Shame to the country, that suffers such a stain upon its -system of equitable jurisprudence! I offer no apology for taking up the -tomahawk of censure against this dire national enemy. Would that I could -use the weapon more dexterously! It must, however, be sufficient -satisfaction for me to have removed the scalp of concealment, without -being too particular about the skill, with which it has been effected.</p> - -<p>As a poet, I must throw myself upon the indulgence of the public. For -the last ten years I have sacrificed every literary attainment to the -study of the law; and am therefore in the situation of a miner, who, -after years of cheerless labour underground, should be expected to -display any great ingenuity in the pursuit of a more enlightened -occupation.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_vi" id="page_vi">{vi}</a></span></p><p>The subject is dull, but not unfruitful. I have thrown into the work as -much amusement as my poor abilities would furnish me with, but my -principal objects have been truth and consistency.—I presume, -therefore, to assert that I have always been honest in commendation, and -never severe without reason. -</p> - -<p>I wish it to be distinctly understood that, in my character of a vicious -attorney, I do not mean to represent the profession at large. There are -in town and country many upright practitioners, of whose friendship I -should feel proud. A lawyer, however, may be often dishonest without the -fear of detection, and indeed almost without the consciousness of doing -wrong. In his practice the boundaries between good and evil are very -slight, and may be imperceptibly transgressed. There is little merit in -one, whom the fear of punishment deters from the commission of crime; -but not to practice knavery when it can be done with ease and infinity -is at all events a negative virtue deserving of no slight consideration.</p> - -<p> </p> - -<p>The idea of writing this poem first occurred to me in the Park of -Fontainebleau, where I composed the greater part of it. During its -progress I have had no opportunity of referring to any publication on -the subject, and have, therefore, been compelled to draw very largely on -my memory. This must be my excuse for any errors into which I may have -fallen.</p> - -<p> -<span class="smcap">Paris</span>,<br /> -1st October, 1827.<br /> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_4" id="page_4">{4}</a></span> -</p> - -<h2><a name="PREFACE_TO_THE_NOTES" id="PREFACE_TO_THE_NOTES"></a>PREFACE TO THE NOTES.</h2> - -<p class="doubll">============</p> - -<p>The evils of the Court of Chancery have latterly been so much discussed, -that I have thought it unnecessary to enter into long explanations upon -the different objects of censure contained in the poem. The notes, -therefore, contain only such observations as appeared absolutely -necessary to make some of the verses more intelligible than could be -effected in poetry, without a very tedious and dull circumlocution. The -books of Chancery, practice and the report of the commissioners -appointed to investigate the subject, will supply all deficiencies of -this sort.</p> - -<p class="r"> -R. I. B.<br /></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_5" id="page_5">{5}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_6" id="page_6">{6}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_7" id="page_7">{7}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_8" id="page_8">{8}</a></span> </p> - -<p class="cb">THE COURT -<br /><br /> -O F C H A N C E R Y :<br /><br /> -<span class="eng">A Satirical Poem.</span></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_9" id="page_9">{9}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_10" id="page_10">{10}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_11" id="page_11">{11}</a></span> </p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_12" id="page_12">{12}</a></span> </p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Oh! Court of Equity, misnamed, where doubt<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Leads many in; whence few, or none, get out;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where law presides, in semblance, but to mock,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like priests, that pray round felons on the block;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where justice sits, with even-handed scale,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To shew the heaviest purse,—which must prevail—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where Truth confounded flies, or ne’er is seen,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Falsehood flourishes—an evergreen;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where foul Corruption keeps his secret cave,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And robs the suitor he pretends to save.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! Court, before whose gate, with reddened eye<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pale Reason stands, and bids each Plaintiff fly;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bids right shake hands with fraud, nor tempt the strife,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Begun in sorrow—ending not with life—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The legal contest, which may never cease,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A cure perhaps—but worse than the disease<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_14" id="page_14">{14}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_13" id="page_13">{13}</a></span>—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! Court, where dull Procrastination reigns<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lacking decision—not for want of brains—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which crowds of spectres haunt their doom to know<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In suits commenced two centuries ago—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where all is wrong, and nothing certain, save<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A blasted fortune, and an early grave.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Behold yon clown, whose frugal care has made<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A pretty something in his humble trade;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fit object now for pillage of the law!—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He sells a field;—the vendee finds a flaw—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What mean those writings underneath his arm?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why rise those smirks of gratulation warm<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From hungry black-coats,—eager for the prey,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who crowd the boro’ on a market day—<a name="FNanchor_1_1" -id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_16" id="page_16">{16}</a></span> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_15" id="page_15">{15}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">The game is up—around the blood-hounds close,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And snuff their victim with prophetic nose.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The case he tells most luminously dark,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And puzzles (what will not?) each country shark.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An action bring, your right at once to try<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cries one;—an action bring the rest reply—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">All to one object with one feeling tend,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Deceit the means, and robbery the end.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But how much will it cost? the rustic cries,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A song, a song—the ready fox replies—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For fifty pounds your battle will be won,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The thing, my friend, is clearer than the sun.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">You know our office, come with me and look,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This very point is in the statute book,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Confirmed by fifty judges dead and gone,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Each wiser in his time than Solomon<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_18" id="page_18">{18}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_17" id="page_17">{17}</a></span>—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If still from caution sage you fear to err,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Resort at once to some King’s Counsellor;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His fee’s two guineas—or about the mark—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With two and sixpence more to bribe his clerk,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lest on the shelf your case despised should rot,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or lose its turn, and be at last forgot.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">The Gudgeon bites, and lawyer Grabble gains<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Another Client to reward his pains.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A case is drawn, ingrossed, and sent to town,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And twelve months after comes th’ opinion down.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ill brooks exhausted Patience such a spell,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ loth to quarrel with the name of Bell.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What does he promise failure or success?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His words are few, and those one can but guess—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like strange Egyptian characters of yore,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or pot-hooks drawn upon an alehouse door,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_20" id="page_20">{20}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_19" id="page_19">{19}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or like the scrawls a spider’s legs might trace,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When dipt in ink, upon as white a space—<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">“He cannot say, but much inclines to doubt<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The vendee’s object will be brought about;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And thinks the vendor has an equal chance,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The law so much depends on circumstance—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“He knows not half the facts, so would advise<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“That all disputes should end in compromise—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“But, if the vendor wish his luck to try,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“He straight must file a bill in Chancery.”<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" -class="fnanchor">[3]</a> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_22" id="page_22">{22}</a></span> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_21" id="page_21">{21}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Well have we sped, exulting Grabble shouts,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For all is sure, when cautious Johnny doubts—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The client nods, uncertain what is meant,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And therefore fearful to withhold assent.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Forth, with instructions goes the post that eve,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And crafty Grabble chuckles in his sleeve—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Instructions for a bill, which agents wile<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before the term’s last day may hope to file.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How vain that hope!—the dusty papers lie<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For eighteen months within the draftsman’s eye.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To all complaints he beats the ready chime:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“More weighty matters had beguiled his time—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Injunctions, that would not admit delay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Answers, demurrers—and the motion day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“All marr’d his wishes to effect dispatch,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Though failing not each leisure hour to snatch.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Vacation comes, and then he will be able<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“To clear with ease his now o’erloaded table.”<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a> -<a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_24" id="page_24">{24}</a></span><span class="pagenum"> -<a name="page_23" id="page_23">{23}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Vacation past;—the agent calls again,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And finds the draftsman just returned from Spain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The soot-clad parcel lies unopened still,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Knaw’d by the rats, that hunger else would kill—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At last ’tis done, and then it must be sent<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To country down for final settlement.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then queries on the margin rise, like apes,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And here and there a long hiatus gapes.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Facts change like mortals in a fairy tale,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And from a herring fancy coins a whale.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then crowds of thrice repeated words express<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What might be done in twenty thousand less;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The whole one precious jargon, fitted well<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To serve for fewel in a lawyer’s hell.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_26" id="page_26">{26}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_25" id="page_25">{25}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But what says Grabble?—as the folios mount,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He must demand some money on account,<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">To pay the counsel and the court their fees,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lest justice’ wheels be clogg’d for want of grease.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The client deep into his pocket dives;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To part with cash his inmost bowel rives;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With deep-drawn sighs he counts each stiver o’er,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And deems the law a most infernal bore.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What gall’d already? not so quick, my friend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or rage will turn to madness in the end.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who takes a voyage but expects to be<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Annoy’d at first by sickness on the sea?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Should weak impatience make him growl and weep,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His friends would laugh, and bid him shun the deep.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Aye, shun, but how? why look before you leap.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_28" id="page_28">{28}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_27" id="page_27">{27}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">When once embark’d, no more can wisdom say;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Endure the billows, bluster as they may.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But to proceed. The draft by Grabble’s pen<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Revised, must travel back to town again;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Again must be, neglected as before,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On draftman’s desk for fifteen months or more;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Again must wander o’er the self-same track<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From town to country, and from country back.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At last ’tis settled: then must clerks begin<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To cut, prepare, and rule the parchment skin;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then will their zeal demand an overpay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turn, for expedition, night to day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">T’ ingross, examine, file;—another week<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At least ’twill take; subpœnas then bespeak.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The seal is shut, and, if you wish them soon,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It must be open’d by a special boon<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_30" id="page_30">{30}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_29" id="page_29">{29}</a></span>—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The sum two guineas<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a>. Eldon! fie, for shame!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nay, truth’s a libel, spare his lordship’s fame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His wants are many, and his stipend clear<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Scarce mounts to forty thousand pounds a year.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis said, that justice to each subject down<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Flows in a stream untainted from the crown.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then say, can kings for justice gold demand?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If not, why claims that right a meaner hand?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As well to Peter might a bribe be given<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For keeping (not the seals) but keys of heav’n!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Defendant serv’d, five months must pass, or near,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before the law compels him to appear;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_32" id="page_32">{32}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_31" id="page_31">{31}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">For like some barren tree deprived of fruit,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In long vacation is a country suit;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or, like a vessel by receding tide,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Left helpless on the shore, where it must bide<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Till tracing back its course the stream once more shall glide.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Term come, then try the process of contempt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If still defendant should delay attempt.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seal an attachment; bear the rogue to goal,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hope your efforts may at last prevail.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But ah! what sadness clouds that altered mein?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What, if at large the stubborn foe is seen?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His freedom gained, he pays the whole expense—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not so, the practice is a vile pretence.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The greater loss from wrong to right rebounds;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ten shillings his, and thine as many pounds.<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a> -<a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_34" id="page_34">{34}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_33" id="page_33">{33}</a> -</span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Appearance entered, but renews the sport;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Demand an answer by the clerk in court.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He calls, like Glendower for a magic band<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of Ocean sprites, that come not at command.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He calls once more in peremptory terms and clear;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But none so deaf as those who will not hear.<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a> -<a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_36" id="page_36">{36}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_35" id="page_35">{35}</a> -</span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">At length an order comes,—if sharp the spur—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For six weeks time to answer, plead, demur.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus to some famish’d dog, that asks a bone,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Derision throws with scorn the flinty stone:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He seeks but little, and that little sought<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With eagerness, when gain’d, amounts to nought.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis all a mockery from first to last;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wait must the Plaintiff, and the mongrel fast.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Six weeks are gone—once more the game’s alive;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Once more for breath must the Defendant strive.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hark! thro’ the purlieus dark of Chancery Lane<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The dogs are roused,—the chase begins again,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Again delay pursues its wonted chime,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And claims at last another rule for time.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Why should I pause on points like these to dwell?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By such detail my pages idly swell?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_38" id="page_38">{38}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_37" id="page_37">{37}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">The process slow and unrepaid the toil—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A worthless harvest in a barren soil.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The answer filed—three years at least fulfil<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Their circling round since Wakefield<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a> drew the bill.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then streams of lengthy dull exceptions flow<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which Koe must sign to humour Jemmy Lowe.<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Amendments next that leave behind no trace<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of first complaint;—but make a novel case—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Continual reference to the Masters, who<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must have the wit to cut a hair in two;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So nicely drawn, so fine the point between<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What it should not, or what it should have been.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_40" id="page_40">{40}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_39" id="page_39">{39}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Here Captain Cross<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> assumes despotic sway<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enraged at all who dare his speech gainsay.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Once mighty ruler of a tamer crew,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than ever Ballot from the plough-tail drew;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like Falstaff’s scarecrows—ragged, spare, and tall,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Himself the greatest scarecrow of them all.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! fortune, thou art but a fickle flirt!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For me why sprawl’d not Eldon in the dirt?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_42" id="page_42">{42}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_41" id="page_41">{41}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">His carriage oft has passed me thro’ the town,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But then alas! fate would not break it down.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! fortune, all thy favors are but dross,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or why bestow them on a man like Cross?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy modes are various, as thy whim is strange;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or why a soldier to a lawyer change—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If such great merit must promotion get,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Twere easy sure to add an epaulet.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There long he might have shined in native light,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At least a bully, if afraid to fight.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! Master Cross, resume thy martial post,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or deign in pity to give up the ghost.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy luckless errors never falling right,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Involve the suitors in perpetual night.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy brain’s dark chaos working like a mole,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Directs each action, and pervades the whole;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! may it have just sense enough to see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That all is truth the muse has said of thee!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_44" id="page_44">{44}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_43" id="page_43">{43}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Here Cox<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a>, of foundling babes the foster sire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Humane of temper, but too prone to fire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In judgment sits to act by reason’s rule;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet ever proves of prejudice the tool.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A look, a word mistaken, gives offence,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thoughts distorted take the place of sense.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some angry crotchet gets into his brain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hatched in caprice, and nurtured by disdain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Persuasion fails to shew how warp’d his mind;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When anger rules, the soul itself is blind:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Confirmed by habit all his faults increase,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So let him mend, or else depart in peace.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_46" id="page_46">{46}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_45" id="page_45">{45}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Lo! waddling forth; in dignity of mein,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Corporeal Stratford<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a> from his haunt is seen.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That bloated form and pompous belly scan;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In shape and wit a very alderman!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Those vulgar looks his vulgar manners stamp,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For knowledge he ne’er burns the midnight lamp.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The sternest brute will sometimes kindness own,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bend as you will, and Stratford yet will frown;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enrag’d, he fain would kill you with a look,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye weak of skull, beware the flying book.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hence to the rocky woods, thou growling bear,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hence to the woods, and deal out justice there.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hence to the woods; but ’ere thou dost escape,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Send to supply thy loss a real ape.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The suitors scarce will of their lot complain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If by the change some intellect they gain.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_48" id="page_48">{48}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_47" id="page_47">{47}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like thee, in gestures may his rage be dealt;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like thee, the luckless volumes he may pelt;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Each art expressive of the monkey tribe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well hast thou learnt their natures to imbibe!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Next canting Stephen<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a> in his study see,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Himself a slave, devising blacks to free.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Better endure the planters iron sway<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than pore on musty tomes the livelong day!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Better for stolen ease to bear the rack,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than spend a life in one dull gloomy track!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No negro thou! what more when all is said?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He works by force, and you perhaps for bread.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_50" id="page_50">{50}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_49" id="page_49">{49}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">The toil of both may prove a public good,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Another’s profit, or another’s food.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But let me pass thy faults, if such they be—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turn to one redeeming quality—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well hast thou done to curb thy thirsty scribe<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From taking what in truth is but a bribe;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A bribe, which those, who dole with sparing hand,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But little zeal of service can command.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well hast thou done such odious spoil to slake!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An equal theft in those who give or take!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Nor yet forgotten is thy sleepy power,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Long-winded, doting, vain, capricious Trower<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a>.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some share of patience to the speaker lend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or useless every wish to comprehend!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why wilt thou puzzle each half-witted elf,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By keeping all the converse to thyself?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_52" id="page_52">{52}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_51" id="page_51">{51}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why wilt thou rave, till boggling in a mist,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou raisest points, which but in air exist—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Approve to day, to-morrow find a flaw—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And own at last that neither is the law.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where are thy tubs, thy dirty smocks and gin?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy trade is washing, hence and take it in.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But turn my muse; it boots not more to trace<br /></span> -<span class="i0">These petty judges of Southampton Place.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Such office should some wiser head employ<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than driveling dotard or unlearned boy—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The first a friend to Eldon’s childhood dear,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The last a son of ministerial peer.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Alike unskilled they wander in the dark,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And stoop at last to counsel with their clerk.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some dirty scribbler in a garret bred,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thence taught by charity to write and read.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A wretched dolt, who gains his place by chance,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And takes promotion as his years advance;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_54" id="page_54">{54}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_53" id="page_53">{53}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who now forsooth must act with scorn to those,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That pay him meanly, or his will oppose.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus Pugh and Hone<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a>, and many more I know—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But these the worst,—I spare each meaner foe.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Still are there some this station doom’d to fill,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who shame their masters by superior skill,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In Kensit’s<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a> talent all a refuge find<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From the dark nothingness of Stratford’s mind;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And when at Cross the sense indignant groans,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It seeks for solace in thy kindness, Jones.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_56" id="page_56">{56}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_55" id="page_55">{55}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fortune! from thee one favour let me crave!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Debase each tyrant, and exalt each slave!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let those, who now ride topmost on thy wheel,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The sad reverse of bitter thraldom feel;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Look up to those on whom they now look down,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And learn the terror of a despot’s frown.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Erroneous judgment breeds a like report,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And both will bear revision by the court;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then must the cause experience more delay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Last in the list that lengthens every day.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What if his Honor, after two long years,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Decide the question that he never hears!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before the Vice or Rolls, it matters not<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How heard or judged; alike the suitors lot.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From either sentence you may take appeals,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If faulty deemed, to him who holds the seals;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then will some paltry point, of little worth<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To him who doubts, or him who gave it birth,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_58" id="page_58">{58}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_57" id="page_57">{57}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enchain the suit for ages, like a spell,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From which Impatience will in vain rebel;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Alas! my lord, yon starving paupers see!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How can they live upon a bare term fee?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let still the client all his pangs endure,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But for thy brother tribe provide a cure.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be Lord High Chancellor, if so you must,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But oh! resign some portion of thy trust—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Its various duties more attention claim<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than one weak head can muster for the same.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Young Peer<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a>, be wise, and if you court success,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Outdo your senior<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a> by attempting less.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_60" id="page_60">{60}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_59" id="page_59">{59}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">His failure served great talents to produce;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what is intellect if not of use?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well could he coin a doubt, or problem make—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But slow to solve, and there was his mistake.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His brains were sound; but little good they did.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like some rich jewel in dark cavern hid.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Quick was his mind each error to perceive;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Much craft had those who could that mind deceive—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A moment’s thought would often shew a flaw,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which those who look’d much deeper never saw.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well was he skill’d to crack a wretched jest,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And all who laughed were sure to be caress’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He bore no rival in his high career,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As Leach<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a> can tell, at whom he lov’d to sneer;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_62" id="page_62">{62}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_61" id="page_61">{61}</a></span>—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To Flattery he yielded blind assent;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On those who blam’d him hate itself was spent;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This Brougham<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> has felt,—tho’ all his merit own,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Deprived by malice of a silken gown.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And yet his visage, like a crocodile<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Intending mischief, still could wear the smile.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oft times a tear-drop down his cheek would flow,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While aged victims told their tale of woe—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Told of their hopes delay’d and run to waste,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With wealth before them, which they could not taste—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Told of their starving babes and buried wife,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Themselves just tottering on the brink of life.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then would he clasp his hands with false intent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And call on heaven to witness what he meant,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With promise send the discontent away,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Their judgment certain on a future day.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_64" id="page_64">{64}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_63" id="page_63">{63}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">It comes—again he feigns the ready tear,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As God’s his judge, the papers are not here—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where can they be?—his careful wife<a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a> perhaps<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has torn the dusty lumber into scraps.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Mishap unfortunate! the suitor cries,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His Lordship nods assent, and wipes his eyes<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With ’kerchief clean, in which a potent leak<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Draws from each orb the stream that wets his cheek.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Alas! my lord, when will the judgment come?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Send me the papers, and I’ll take them home.”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The papers got, be sure to hand them in,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ Hand<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> to take them deem it half a sin,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_66" id="page_66">{66}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_65" id="page_65">{65}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">And swears the mass now in his Lordship’s house<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has left no cranny for the smallest mouse.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This all results from pre-concerted plan;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The master trifles, why should not his man;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Excuse, the judgment day by day protracts,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His mind still wavering, or forgot the facts;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And yet he seems not unabashed by shame,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus forced in self-defence the lie to frame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As carelessly around his glance he throws,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Each eye takes shelter underneath his brows,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then with apparent calmness in the face,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He strives to meet you, but ’tis all grimace;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Look as he will, the thinking mind can see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He half detests his own duplicity;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shrinks from the gaze of those who weep around,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And in his bosom feels a deeper wound.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oft have I marked him in an inward trance,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And watched the changes of his countenance;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus have I seen, or fancied to have seen,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Remorse and terror painted on his mein:<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_68" id="page_68">{68}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_67" id="page_67">{67}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Remorse for mischief done at best in sloth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And terror; but how short the reign of both,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">More lively feelings soon his grief restrain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And heartless Eldon is himself again.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Albeit, when thieves in penitence begin<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To weep their guilty deeds, and fly from sin,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The world oft profits by their former vice,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Should chance enroll them in the state police;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They follow crime as some old fox might do,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who hunted once, another should pursue,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Woe to the wretch, that struggles to evade<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The wary cunning of such renegade;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In vain each wile, each mazy turn he tries,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For justice triumphs, and the culprit dies.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So hopes the world that Eldon, now resigned,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Will own the faults to which his eyes were blind;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Chase out corruption from his dark abode,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And cleanse each path where fraud the usurper strode;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_70" id="page_70">{70}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_69" id="page_69">{69}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus may he by that dying act efface<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The burning stigma of a life’s disgrace.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Shrink not, my lord, whate’er the muse appears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">She wars but feebly with declining years;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Compassion fetters what she fain would sing,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And robs severity of half its sting:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Those hoary locks command respect from youth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But cannot wholly close the lips of truth.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Suppose the judgment given<a name="FNanchor_24_24" id="FNanchor_24_24"></a><a href="#Footnote_24_24" class="fnanchor">[24]</a>; but after years<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of endless labour, and a million tears:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Suppose the minutes by his lordship’s scrawl<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Drawn out and settled, after many a brawl;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_72" id="page_72">{72}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_71" id="page_71">{71}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wherein loquacious Agar<a name="FNanchor_25_25" id="FNanchor_25_25"></a><a href="#Footnote_25_25" class="fnanchor">[25]</a> bears the bell—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An empty clapper in a brazen shell.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hark! how the frothy nonsense from his lips<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Involves the audience in one black eclipse,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From which in vain they struggle to be free.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When darkness triumphs, who can hope to see?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Gods! what a tongue, and what a lack of wits!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How well the former with the latter sits!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In him the worst of causes finds a friend;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He tears to tatters what he cannot mend.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But still his eloquence is most sublime,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In points of practice and in tricks for time;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_74" id="page_74">{74}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_73" id="page_73">{73}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">In petty motions for some end absurd,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To please his Frowd, or gratify his Hurd.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When broken down, he next resorts to lies,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Disputes another’s word, his own denies,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Insists that all the law is on his side<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Truth proclaims a perjured Suicide!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When on his legs, ’tis hard to get him down,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ counsel cough, and oft his Lordship frown.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He bungles on; while dulness weaves a wreathe<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To crown his head when fairly out of breath,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A wreath of poppies mingled with night-bane,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That once asleep, he ne’er may wake again.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Blest consummation! may it happen soon,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or those, who hear, will first essay, the boon.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Agar farewell, but ere I cease to greet<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let me conduct thee to thy country seat.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Abode of taste, where all the graces shine,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The prospect charming, and the site divine!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_76" id="page_76">{76}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_75" id="page_75">{75}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">The road that leads from Battle Bridge pursue<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To Kentish Town, and keep a dexter view;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There mark the walls of many coloured-brick,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With here and there a withered poplar stick.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A dirty gate straight walks of gravel shews,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The new canal around in silence flows;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Its fetid waters, stinking as they pass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Contend in sweetness with the scent of gas.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Here Pancras rears it’s charitable dome,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There limekilns smoke, and cloud the air in gloom;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wheree’r you wander, or the sight divert,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One scene prevails of darkness, stench, and dirt.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Well in one picture might the muse record<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How fine the mansion, and how wise it’s lord.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye passengers! who from the road admire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let no wild transports tempt you to go nigher;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The rights of soil he zealously protects<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By transportation, as the law directs!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_78" id="page_78">{78}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_77" id="page_77">{77}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Not mine the purpose step by step to shew<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What makes the progress of a cause more slow:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor yet to trace the current of expense<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Through all its mazes, but the whole condense.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The same complaints through all the system fly;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus what I censure will to all apply.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Omit each intermediate step, and see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cause at last from all incumbrance free,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And brought to issue;—then let Spence<a name="FNanchor_26_26" id="FNanchor_26_26"></a><a href="#Footnote_26_26" class="fnanchor">[26]</a> prepare<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Interrogations for your friends to swear.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Propose each question so distinctly nice,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That all may keep within it, like a vice;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_80" id="page_80">{80}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_79" id="page_79">{79}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">For should some idle word escape, who knows<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But it might prove more fatal than from foes?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Avoid the hostile camp, and, if you can,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before he speaks, examine well your man;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Teach him the lesson he has got to learn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And let him thoroughly his cue discern;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hold out large promise, if he meet your will,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And ere he comes to swear his belly fill.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If still reluctant, coax him with a bribe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Persuading all—but most the Jewish tribe.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">To strike commissioners is next the thing,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Four names a piece let either party bring;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then from the four let each their two erase;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seal quick the dedimus, and name a place;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bespeak provision for a month at least,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And call your brother tigers to the feast;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So may they well that courtesy repay<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By like invite upon a future day!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_82" id="page_82">{82}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_81" id="page_81">{81}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of wine be careful to secure a stock—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Port, Champagne, Claret, Burgundy, and Hock.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Your guns arrange, call out your steeds and dogs,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For too much toil the mental action clogs.<a name="FNanchor_27_27" id="FNanchor_27_27"></a><a href="#Footnote_27_27" class="fnanchor">[27]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">What—if to keep your trust an oath be given;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Secure of hell, no longer think of heaven;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_84" id="page_84">{84}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_83" id="page_83">{83}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enjoy the goods that knavery has sent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And laugh and revel to your heart’s content.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One day with opening the commission fill;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The next, with prefatory measures kill;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The third, discuss what will not question bear;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The fourth, for relaxation course a hare.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But why thus hunt a subject off it’s legs?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I do but teach my grandam to suck eggs:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An art attornies practice far too well,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yoke white, their own—a client takes the shell.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What if he grumble, theirs has been the toil,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With profit scarce to make the kettle boil.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A porter’s lot would suit them better far;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No anxious cares his peaceful dream can mar;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While their reward for nightly want of ease,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Just adds a pint of ale to bread and cheese.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">The scene is changed; behold that child of want<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On dainties feeding, like a cormorant.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_86" id="page_86">{86}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_85" id="page_85">{85}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">A venison pasty serves to make his lunch;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For dinner turtle soup with gelid punch,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pheasant and partridge, quail, and ortolan,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Jellies, blancmange, pies, custards, parmesan,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To him it boots not what the price or fare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Provided all be exquisite and rare.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When others pay the piper who would dine<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On vulgar viands and a common wine?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The bill is paid, unnoticed all details,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And smirking waiters hail unusual vails.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The landlord smiles, tho’ not of shame bereft<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To be the pander of so base a theft.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The licens’d robber walks un-hang’d away,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And baffled ketch is cheated of his prey,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not but that Jack to noose a friend might falter,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ neck of none would better fit the halter.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Despair not, Grabble; give thy talents scope,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And in the end be certain of a rope—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It needs not much prophetic skill to trace<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The gibbet’s symbol pictured in thy face.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_88" id="page_88">{88}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_87" id="page_87">{87}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Six weeks or more in idle feasting spent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The depositions then to town are sent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seal’d, and entrusted to a faithful guard,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who will demand a guinea for reward.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cause set down and publication pass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then seek of evidence the copied mass.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Peruse it well with all your cunning’s stress;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A trifling error will the whole suppress.<a name="FNanchor_28_28" id="FNanchor_28_28"></a><a href="#Footnote_28_28" class="fnanchor">[28]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then may the genial board again be spread,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hungry friends at hostile cost be fed.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What! not a fault? has right at last prevail’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Agar’s genius in it’s zenith fail’d?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did Spence so well th’ interrogations draw<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That ingenuity can find no flaw?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_90" id="page_90">{90}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_89" id="page_89">{89}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">No leading question fatal to the whole?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No jurat faulty—not too scrawl’d the roll?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Examine all around the parchment skin<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And find a part, in which it seems too thin.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are all the words in orthographic dress?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No chance omission of the letter “s”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That letter, lately in a jurat missed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Implied an oath on one “Evangelist”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Instead of four—on which unlucky grounds<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The plaintiff lost a sum of eighty pounds.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What; from sworn clerks, to break their fealty hir’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has nothing secret ere it’s time transpired?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Has no false wretch in shame at last reveal’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A truth his wilful tongue at first conceal’d?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then foul Procrastication hide thy face;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis something gain’d if causes keep their place;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As some weak foe against a stronger lance<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May still withstand, though failing to advance.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_92" id="page_92">{92}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_91" id="page_91">{91}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Meanwhile the parties die away like martyrs,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Felo de se—shot—drown’d—or hung in garters—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A motley crew, who haunt the court in crowds,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And scream for justice from their tatter’d shrouds;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not rent by worms, for they would scorn to knaw<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The wretched victim of a suit at law,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Would turn with pity from the mould’ring frame,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And give to nobler animals the shame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No, in each tattered shroud behold the sack<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some parish gave when law had stripp’d the back,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Had stripp’d it bare as on the day of birth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And, but for this, had sent it bare to earth.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Repose, my muse; and listen to the groans.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let weary lawyers rest awhile their bones.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nature demands when mortals cease to live,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That nought should move until the corpse revive.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Just so in law all motion is represt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When dies a wretch who had some interest,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_94" id="page_94">{94}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_93" id="page_93">{93}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">No matter what—’tis clear that the survivor<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Can take no step without a due revivor.<a name="FNanchor_29_29" id="FNanchor_29_29"></a><a href="#Footnote_29_29" class="fnanchor">[29]</a><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">What! raise the dead? I hear the world exclaim,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With less of miracle, ’tis much the same.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In olden times the monks by potent spell<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Could summon spectres from their narrow cell,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Could send them howling back unto their graves<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or sink for ever in Egyptian waves.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So now the spiritual courts restore<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A shade at least of him who breathes no more—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unlike perhaps in stature, form, and mind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But well for earthly purposes design’d<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_96" id="page_96">{96}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_95" id="page_95">{95}</a></span>—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A sort of proxy, who in matter civil<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must back his principal thro’ good or evil.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Taste not the honey, tho’ he deem it sweet,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor ’scape the thorns, altho’ they tear his feet.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In wrong or right the court’s rapacious crew<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Will have their fees, and ready payment too,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But then all others from the spoil they scare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like hungry wolves, that no partition bear.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The poor trustee a thankless office boasts,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nought can he gain, except a bill of costs.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Away from Doctors Commons bear the sprite,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And let him thence in Lincolns Inn alight.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There will he serve, like Hercules, to drag<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The suit—a Cacus—from some dusty bag,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And rouse fierce Rapine from his lurking den<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To feed once more upon the sons of men.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_98" id="page_98">{98}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_97" id="page_97">{97}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">When time has number’d thus five years or more<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cause just stands where it was plac’d before—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like flickering star, that seems in fancy’s eye<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To rove, a planet, thro’ the midnight sky;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But view’d more narrowly or with a glass,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We find its station ever, where it was.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Then flies another age; and Grabble dead<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some equal scoundrel must be found instead.<a name="FNanchor_30_30" id="FNanchor_30_30"></a><a href="#Footnote_30_30" class="fnanchor">[30]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Demand the papers from his heir at law<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who strait a lumping bill of costs will draw.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_100" id="page_100">{100}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_99" id="page_99">{99}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">This must be paid before a sheet shall go—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To bite the biter take his claim to Lowe.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hail mighty Tonsor of a lawyers bill!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The whole profession trembles at thy skill.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thine awful science, like a magic wand<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Can turn each golden item into sand;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Reduce a crown to half, as quick as thought,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turn each six and eight-pence into nought—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That placid eye and countenance demure<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To passing glance would tell not much of lure,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor from thy speech so more than calmly smooth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Would inexperience guess the serpent’s tooth.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No beast, no reptile, bites his fellow kind;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But those who trust in Lowe, deceit will find.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He smiles sometimes; but oh! beware that smile,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The certain symptom of some latent guile;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or when perhaps he feels unusual glee,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To make large havoc with a queried fee.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But why thus censure what may tend to good?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The worst of poisons can be used for food.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_102" id="page_102">{102}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_101" id="page_101">{101}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thus in Lowe, who brethren treats with scorn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The suitor finds a friend when most forlorn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not that he acts his principles to shew—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But as in hatred to some mortal foe;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No matter whom—to him ’tis all the same,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How near in friendship, or how just in fame;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To all he deals his art insidious round,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And happy those who can escape a wound;<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">On, demon, on; pursue thy dark career,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Beloved by none, detested by thy peer.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On earth thy province leads to Satan’s verge,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then, as his bailiff, be thy brother’s scourge!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And when from hell he goes for souls to pimp,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be thine the task to pinch each naughty imp,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To tear from Famine half its stygian meal,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And grind Despair for pastime on a wheel!<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_104" id="page_104">{104}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_103" id="page_103">{103}</a></span><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">New brooms sweep clean, and with good luck to guide,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The cause at last may to a hearing glide;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But not ’till many more long years have flown,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Deaths and revivors following one by one.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then draw the briefs, and on your clerks impose<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That not for life they copy words to close;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It looks unseemly, thus the truth restrain:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How much more cash you by such precept gain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What means a brief? to shorten well the case,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And copious matter cram in narrow space.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then what is this that modern counsel wield,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">(A giant manual) when they take the field?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The pleading’s length would make a saint bewail,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But why, like comet, must it have a tail?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With facts the speaker should his foe engage;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then why with observations<a name="FNanchor_31_31" id="FNanchor_31_31"></a><a href="#Footnote_31_31" class="fnanchor">[31]</a> swell the page?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_106" id="page_106">{106}</a></span><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_105" id="page_105">{105}</a></span><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ask not; the meaning more than light is clear,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That thieves are honest men, the law too dear.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Next to the bar, a less unworthy den,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where shine at least some honourable men:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But still e’en there the thirst of gain hath fix’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Its blighting venom with dishonour mixed;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hath hurl’d proud Reason from her proper throne,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turn’d compassion to a block of stone.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">In days of yore, when learning first began<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To raise nice questions on the rights of man;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When law was as a science first revealed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And civil wrongs by golden plaisters healed:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Superior talents throng’d the judgment place,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But not for lucre; bribes involved disgrace.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For rich and poor alike the voice was raised;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No sordid motives e’er that voice debas’d:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ambition led; each sought the road to fame;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His country’s praises, and an honest name.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How changed the manners of the present time,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Less fond of virtue, and more prone to crime;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Deserted poverty is heard no more,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or heard in vain oppression to deplore.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wealth spreads its influence in perpetual show’rs,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And rears of eloquence the choicest flow’rs.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Departed Romilly<a name="FNanchor_32_32" id="FNanchor_32_32"></a><a href="#Footnote_32_32" class="fnanchor">[32]</a>! the muse with tears<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Turns to record what all thy merit sears.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The love of gold engaged thy mind too much,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And spoiled perfection with it’s reptile touch.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en while admiring senates hail’d thy speech—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The patriot, whom corruption could not reach;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bold, independent, to thy country firm—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy mind was canker’d by the secret worm—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The worm of Avarice, that warps the sight,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And paints each shade of wrong with all the tints of Right.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But he is gone, and mem’ry hopes in vain<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To find his likeness at the bar again.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His vice remains; but none are left behind<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To serve as models of his noble mind.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With him in worth forensic knowledge fell,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Genius drooping bade the court farewell.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Whom shall discernment now, alas! select<br /></span> -<span class="i0">T’ illumine Truth, and Falsehood’s form detect—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">T’ argue still, in luckless Reason’s spite,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That white is black, and black a shade of white?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where all are nearly equal, small the choice,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Save in the windpipe, or the louder voice.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shake all the host together in a hat,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And take them singly forth, whose name is that?<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Hart<a name="FNanchor_33_33" id="FNanchor_33_33"></a><a href="#Footnote_33_33" class="fnanchor">[33]</a> sallies forth—but why was he put there?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His judgeship merges all the barrister.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Long may he live that dignity to keep,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And slumber now, as once he lull’d to sleep.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His name half serves my numbers to compose,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turn dull poetry to duller prose.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Still might his long experience fit the place,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That Copley’s sense without can never grace.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Of head acute and clear next Sugden see;<a name="FNanchor_34_34" id="FNanchor_34_34"></a><a href="#Footnote_34_34" class="fnanchor">[34]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Apt at a jest, and quick in repartee.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cool when assail’d, he often shuns a snare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And leaves his fierce opponent writhing there.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In recollection strong, he bears a store<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of points determin’d by the Court before;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Brings to his aid each well decided case,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And fastens Reason on its proper base.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whatee’r the side for which he pleads, be sure—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If best exertions can success secure.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Steadfast of heart no insult will he brook,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The haughty gesture, or disdainful look.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With manly pride he speaks in open day<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whatever truth or duty bids him say.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Still must the muse with honesty avow,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Too much conceit at times will swell his brow.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The Book on Powers” often will he cite<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As something more than mortal’s pen could write,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wherein the Authors notions are to stand<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For acts of legislation thro’ the land,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And all, that wiser men have thought or said,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yield to the phantasies of Sugden’s head.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor this his only fault, as Sussex shew’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When on Sir Godfrey all their votes bestow’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Turn’d from the would-be statesman with disgust,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And left him humbled to the very dust;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While some gay wag, who at his pride was nettled,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wrote on his back these words “Perused and settled.”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yes, at the moment, while that country’s sword<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Is girding round it’s half-elected lord,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While zealous friends are calling for the car<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To grace the triumph of the fightless war;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hark! from afar the rival chariots roll,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And breathless Webster hurries to the poll;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Delighted yeomen own his juster claim,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And vanquish’d Sugden sneaks away in shame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So falls, in mounting to some ruddy peach,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A snail, before the tempting prize he reach.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So shrinks an urchin with half broken limb<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From some tall tree he tried in vain to climb.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But see again the royal edict sent<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To summon deputies for parliament.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The fox once caught will ever fear the trap,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And scalded children dread a like mishap.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why gleans not Sugden from experience? he<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Again must seek that fatal rank, M. P.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fool-hardy mortal, try thy wings before<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ambition tempt thee ’mid the clouds to soar.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en rotten Boroughs from their notice thrust<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The man whose principles they cannot trust,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And treat with scorn the hope of richer pay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lest he, who promises, should first betray.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not that thy conduct should such censure fix,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But why from others choose thy politics?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For public duties, public care demands<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An upright conscience, and unshackled hands;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No groveling passions should the bosom rule,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A baffled placeman, or a courtier’s tool.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis true that Virtue oft with gold relents;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But be sincere to your constituents.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If Whig, be Whig; if Tory, Tory be,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And season bribes with due consistency.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus in St. Stephen may you gain a seat,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And laugh with Webster at your first defeat—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus may you hope from Copley’s hand to wrench<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The seals, and mount the woolsack, or the bench.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Whate’er befall, the muse thy worth allows,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And turns with laurel to adorn thy brows.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Rich hues of green pervade throughout the wreathe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But scarce can hide some wither’d leaves beneath.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en so thy merit with its better part<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May serve to cloak the frailties of thine heart.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Another name? ’tis thine impetuous Horne<a name="FNanchor_35_35" id="FNanchor_35_35"></a><a href="#Footnote_35_35" class="fnanchor">[35]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">With fiery temper, and with looks of scorn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But little read, or else of feeble brain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That can but little at a time contain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Prolix of speech, but coarse and unrefin’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou hast no symptom of the cultur’d mind.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy words, like waters roaring down a rock,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Astonish all, whose nerves can bear the shock;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Both rise in mists, and end at last in foam,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus savage nature feels with thee at home!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Far, far from me be eloquence so grand;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">I like to hear, and hearing understand,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not race thy tongue thro’ all it’s barren track,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But stop my ears, for fear the drum should crack.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Come, gentle Shadwell,<a name="FNanchor_36_36" id="FNanchor_36_36"></a><a href="#Footnote_36_36" class="fnanchor">[36]</a> in thy modest mein<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Good sense, good humour are united seen,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Good sense well temper’d by reflection sage,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That crowns the promise of thine early age;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Good humour, fraught with many a harmless joke,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which studied insult only can provoke.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nought can the muse for censure find in thee,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ less than perfect, from great errors free.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be this thy meed for future times to scan,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A trusty counsel, and an honest man!—<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But who now creeps along with pallid cheek<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hollow eyes that disappointment speak?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis he, Fonblanque,<a name="FNanchor_37_37" id="FNanchor_37_37"></a><a href="#Footnote_37_37" class="fnanchor">[37]</a> whose dawning years foretold<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of talent cast in Nature’s choicest mould,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A germ, that ripen’d into fruit with care<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Rich product worthy of its seed might bear.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Alas! chill Penury with sharpen’d dart<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Drank up the vital current of his heart;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Repress’d his Genius in its vernal growth,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And left him struggling with the gripe of sloth.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The fees, that now his air built hopes repay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Scarce from his door starvation keep away.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">O lucky Park,<a name="FNanchor_38_38" id="FNanchor_38_38"></a><a href="#Footnote_38_38" class="fnanchor">[38]</a> in pompous visage drest,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How did thy merit earn that ermine vest?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If for the book, that falsely bears thy name,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Did not Fonblanque at least deserve the same?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Go, fine a county for its creaking gate,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hang fifty culprits, lest thy dinner wait!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Make mouths at sheriffs, and the bar commit,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or when abused, with Christian patience sit.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Heavens! must desert for blighted prospects pine,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And honour light on ignorance like thine?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must folly to the bench exalted be?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Wisdom buried in obscurity?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No more; let Park his childish course pursue,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And poor Fonblanque the cud of anguish chew.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be mine the choice, if fortune so would rule,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The starving scholar,—not the titled fool!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Now with attention let each lip be seal’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To hear thy playful speech, sagacious Heald.<a name="FNanchor_39_39" id="FNanchor_39_39"></a><a href="#Footnote_39_39" class="fnanchor">[39]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">While mirth and laughter on thy steps attend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The gravest audience must perforce unbend.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of lazy turn, thy facts are seldom true,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or widely varied from their proper hue;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not by design, to make a stronger base<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For disquisition—but unknown thy case.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ oft corrected, still thou hast the knack<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To send each weapon of derision back;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To scorn the sneer, that others’ lips would close,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hurl it doubly pointed on thy foes.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If just thy statement, then the case is right;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If false, it shines in more perspicuous light.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy ready tongue so shifts the point along,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That, come what will, thou never can’st be wrong.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Conviction bends with half persuaded ear,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And sad opponents quake in hopeless fear.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis said, of riches thou art far from nude,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And that the law for pastime is pursued;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If so, retain thy briefs, but spurn the gold,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For which thy better service must be sold.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For conscience’ sake each fee should be returned.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ill can’st thou keep what is so idly earned!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hah! art thou deaf? then try the Thespian plank,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And play to gaping crowds the mountebank!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The muse indignant spurns thee from a place,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where theft is infamy, and sloth disgrace.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Now Treslove comes—a man, whose plodding ways<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shew nought for censure, and no more for praise.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He speaks sometimes with more than common fire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But little feeling can his words inspire;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No bright distinction ever can he reach<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While calm indifference listens to his speech.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The road to fame he slowly trots along,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Now first, now last amid the vulgar throng;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Like some hot steed, who gains perhaps the start,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But perfect bottom having not at heart,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He drops at last, however urged his pace,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And scarce can save his distance in the race.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Next Rose and Bickersteth their names display;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The last sedate, the first perhaps too gay.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This in astuteness, that excells in sense,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Matur’d by thought, and labour more intense.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The one with head erect and measur’d stride,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The pink of glory, and the pearl of pride;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seems as ambitious of a taller form,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or sick of herding with each brother worm.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That dormant eye and inexpressive cheek<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But little promise in the other speak,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In fact not much has either to admire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ each may hope to set the Thames on fire.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If little Rose can make the waters blaze,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be mine the wonder, and be his the praise.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Should plodding Bickersteth obtain the start,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His head is deeper than his looks impart.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">How singularly fortunes changes fall!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Slow sneaking forth comes learned Weatherall.<a name="FNanchor_40_40" id="FNanchor_40_40"></a><a href="#Footnote_40_40" class="fnanchor">[40]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet half asleep, he seems just rous’d from bed;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Still shines the greasy nightcap on his head.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unwash’d his face and hands, uncomb’d his hair,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cut is his beard, but left the lather there.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One stocking decently his leg adorns,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The other, inside out, it’s neighbour scorns.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No brace sustains his small-clothes from the dirt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor keeps conceal’d the mysteries of shirt.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Still is there something in his face and eye,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That serves to shew the mind’s ability,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A strange effect of visage, that foretells<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Profound research, e’en while it’s glance repells—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The light of wisdom ting’d by folly’s shade,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Scholastic knowledge turned to masquerade.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He speaks; his diction, exquisitely rare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Astounds the wise, and makes the simple stare.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Greek, Latin, Hebrew, tear his wearied lungs,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And English learns to speak in other tongues.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fantastic thoughts fantastic language glean,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And reason wonders what they both can mean.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ill has he tried to mount the heights of fame<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By barter’d honor, and a turncoats name.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why did he plead for traitors all unask’d?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The truth in vain dissimulation mask’d:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Twas injured pride, and baffled hope that urg’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The patriot counsel in the madman merg’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How frail for him the web ambition spun;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As now he is, so was his race begun.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What if he fall, or if he rise again,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We take no pleasure, and we feel no pain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Few seek his friendship, or to hate have room,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His heart a wilderness, his head a tomb;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From this the sympathies of life refuse<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To spring, or soon their balmy fragrance lose;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That serves to bury Wisdom’s ancient lore,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But drives the living from its murky door.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">All hail! Sir Charles! not Master of the Rolls,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ half decreed to tend those musty scrolls;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Had but the Premier sooner told his mind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or thou, Sir Charles, less hastily resign’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sir Charles! what more? the sybil sisters fly,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hide in mist the book of destiny!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">From realms of darkness let us turn to light—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But where, if not to thee, ingenious Knight?<a name="FNanchor_41_41" id="FNanchor_41_41"></a><a href="#Footnote_41_41" class="fnanchor">[41]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">An able draftsman, and a speaker bold,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By prudence guided, ne’er by fear controlled,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To clients faithful, not to foes unjust,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In better hands his suit could no one trust.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By honour urg’d, thou wilt not facts conceal,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But with strong argument their force repeal.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus truth is ever to thy speech attached,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor hopeless cause by blund’ring falsehood patch’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With whom can doubt on safer grounds advise!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ young in years, so prematurely wise.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In thee deep study, with experience crown’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Refines a judgment naturally sound;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Gives force to sense with which the mind is fraught,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And stamps decision on each passing thought.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy private life it boots not here to scan,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But as the counsel, so excels the man;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thy courteous mein, and disposition bland,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Can tame down envy, and it’s rage withstand.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thee love of virtue leads; nor rough the way<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To those, who bend her dictates to obey.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! may’st thou well the tide of glory stem,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And earn thy meed, the legal diadem!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Lo! Pepys with recent dignity elate<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Appears, a not unpleasing advocate!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fast from his lips the dulcet accents fall,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But not in tediousness, the ear to pall;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seldom or never from that tone they part,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And by their sweetness wind into the heart.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Rise, Basil Montagu<a name="FNanchor_42_42" id="FNanchor_42_42"></a><a href="#Footnote_42_42" class="fnanchor">[42]</a>, and shew thy face,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Great legislator of the bankrupt race!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In thee I find a character so strange,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Description hardly can its traits arrange.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That tongue’s licentiousness, and cheek of brass<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Betray the stock, of which thy lineage was.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not void of intellect, but blind with pride,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In vain discretion strives thy course to guide.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Loud mirth precedes, each struggle for a hit,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And empty sneers supply the place of wit.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If careless clerks pay not retaining fees,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be free as air, and plead for whom you please;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Make use of knowledge, you were paid to learn<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For other’s good, and all to mischief turn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Now state a case, now on thyself reply,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And shine the monarch of absurdity!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor less thy brains in making books excell—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let who will read them, so the volumes sell.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hodge bought his razors for a bargain, but<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Was quite surprised to find they would not cut.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">We buy thy books, yet not like Hodge admire;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To give the cut, we throw them in the fire.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To read would go beyond thine own intent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And fix on us a double punishment.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For loss of money grief will soon abate,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what for loss of time can compensate?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Away; with tomes no more the world appal,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But rule supreme thy Court of Basinghall.<a name="FNanchor_43_43" id="FNanchor_43_43"></a><a href="#Footnote_43_43" class="fnanchor">[43]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Maintain thy temple in its purest state,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A den of thieves to rapine consecrate.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let perjured rogues the plunder first prepare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And just partition be thine only care!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Away with conscience, ’tis an idle tale,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Reward thy service ’till the assets fail!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The service what? Each sovereign fee to store,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And curse the law, because it gives no more;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To hear a bankrupt, or a counsel prate,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Sometimes a dividend to calculate,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">(But this not oft, if truth confessed must be,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As lawyers seldom know the rule of three,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or by their art so much the estate reduce,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That luckless Cocker is no more of use)<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To tender oaths in heathen mockery,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And send to Newgate all who will not lie;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To hold ten meetings at a time, because<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ten golden coins, instead of one, it draws;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To do and not to do—that is to leave<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Undone the business, but the cash receive;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To make adjournments ’till another day<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of what might be dispatched without delay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If Avarice could brook the lesser pay.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">These are the pleasures of thy realm, where trade,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">At war with honesty, it’s grave hath made;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where pale Britannia sits in speechless woe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And trembling marks the inroads of a foe,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose arts at last will public safety sap,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And tear the fruits of commerce from her lap—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Atchieve what foreign states have tried in vain—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To crush her empire—or curtail her reign!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">But speed, my muse, thy roving spirit mend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or rhymes, like causes, ne’er will have an end.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let portraiture no more thy thoughts engage,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor stoop to make a law-list of thy page.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where praise is due, let public fame bestow<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The meed; and scorn to want of merit shew.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Off to the court, a cause the criers call,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And echo answers from the neighbouring hall.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis ours at last; and now shall law decide<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How long possession must a title guide,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If sixty years less one unlucky day<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Might turn Giles Dobbin from his farm away;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not that a soul disputes his present claim,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what may be, is, as it were, the same:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That is, if Giles to neighbour Gripe dispose<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A field, and Gripe should by the bargain lose,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Giles with delight his contract seeks to keep,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And Gripe a loop-hole from the net to creep:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor hard the task; for error shines reveal’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ dark itself, from others not conceal’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But what in law is error? ask the wind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whence comes it? goes it? what it’s shape or kind?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Seek from the moon to know each mystic spot,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And judge what constitutes a legal blot.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis something coin’d of ignorance and doubt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Despis’d by sense, yet seldom found without;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A light, that glimmers thro’ some narrow screen,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which scarce admits the feeble ray between;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A poison’d bubble, floating in the air,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That, when it bursts, will leave it’s venom there;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A Gorgon’s head, on which the eye, once set,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must think with terror, and not soon forget;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A monster gliding underneath the wave,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That but appears, to prove the swimmers grave;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A flame that gouls from moulder’d coffins rouse<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To shew the horrors of the Charnel-house;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A lamp of Hell, by imp malignant wrought<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To scare the sight, and agonize the thought;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis this, that mars all peace; engenders strife,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And adds self-ruin to the woes of life.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">See, from the dust a novel creature spring,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The serpent’s nature with an eagles wing!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With tooth so sharp, and pow’r to soar as high<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thro’ all the pathless realms of sophistry!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Conveyancer<a name="FNanchor_44_44" id="FNanchor_44_44"></a><a href="#Footnote_44_44" class="fnanchor">[44]</a>! so call’d, because his art<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Can change and motion to estates impart;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not by the efforts of mechanic hand,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But using legal error for a wand.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In vain the son his grandsires right displays,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And widow’d mother for her dowry prays.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A deed unsign’d, or signed too late, too soon,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A secret testament, a prior boon—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No stamp, or one not properly affixed,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An instrument with fraud or weakness mix’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A marriage, not by proper ritual grac’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A seal by chance destroy’d or name effac’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A passage interlined, or falsely crost;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A fine unlevied, or recov’ry lost,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Construction varying with the varying mind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And best opinions changing, like the wind,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A meaning clear, tho’ doubtfully express’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A meaning doubtful, tho’ in clearness dress’d,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A rule of law, by folly misapplied,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A point, which justice never yet has tried;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">All these, and thousands more the muse could name<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The strength enfeeble of possessive claim;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Give to this monster necromantic skill,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And make the law subservient to his will.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Lo! at his bidding money chang’d to lands,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And lands to money, as his voice commands;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Estates for life a stinted term bewail,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And those in fee are hamper’d by a tail,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">O’ergrown remainders vanish into dust.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And useless uses take the form of trust.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis his to conjure doubts, to breed dismay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And hunt, a jackall, for the lions prey,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To lend his aid, when crafty villains ask,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And clothe their purpose in an honest mask!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Nor rare the tribe; altho’ at first confin’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To few; and those of scientific mind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But yet not much enlighten’d;—as the spark<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of ill-wrought taper makes the night more dark,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Such Hargreave, Butler, Fearne, and many more,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose names have added to the mystic lore,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which all must own was mist enough before.—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But these have had their day; and Preston<a name="FNanchor_45_45" id="FNanchor_45_45"></a><a href="#Footnote_45_45" class="fnanchor">[45]</a> now<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Assumes the sway with dictatorial brow.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And who is he? from whence? and what his claim<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To be inscrib’d upon the rolls of fame?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In Devon born, he duly serv’d his time,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That long five years apprenticeship to crime—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Which at the desk he spent without a bribe,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The ready copyist, and the unsullen scribe.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From Shepherd’s Touchstone next he drew a source<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of knowledge useful for his future course;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thence did he learn each deed with curious eye.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To scan by practice of anatomy:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As surgeons carefully dissect the heart,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To gain experience of each inward part.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus plodding on, while greater talents slept,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He and his doctrines into notice crept.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But novelty is past; and, like the worm,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That, for a time, has ta’en some brighter form,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Turns to the grub again, when life is gone;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So Preston’s glory into air hath flown.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">See in his chamber, where yon mirror hangs!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis there he studies for his court harangues:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Harangues, whereby he seldom gains a cause,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Yet never fails to win his own applause.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He lisps—did not Demosthenes the same,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Before with pebbles he that fault o’ercame?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What, if conceit possesses Preston’s mind?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Pray, was not Cicero as vainly blind?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not that I mean—no, reason aid me there—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With one or other Preston to compare.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They shine bright stars of eloquence sublime,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Each name untarnish’d by the rust of time;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While Preston’s name will last no longer than<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The brief continuance of his own short span.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fate in himself hath wisely plac’d the key<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of all he ever was, is, or shall be.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His praise with life shall to the grave descend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One common burial and one common end!—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unless, perchance in folly’s rank supreme,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He still may live to be of mirth the theme,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When those, who pass yon barren moors, shall state<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How well he tried those heaths to cultivate;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Raise vegetation from the granite stone,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And rule the will of nature by his own.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">The cause is open’d. Bell begins to plead,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And argues thus that Dobbin must succeed,<a name="FNanchor_46_46" id="FNanchor_46_46"></a><a href="#Footnote_46_46" class="fnanchor">[46]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My Lord, your Lordship sees by common sense<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“What is the object of my friend’s defence.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“A losing contract don’t exactly please,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And that’s the reason, as your lordship sees.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“This having thus premised”—“nay, stop,” cries Horne;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The statement really is not to be borne;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“A client breathes not, who can mine excell,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“At least as upright as my brother Bell.”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then Bell resumes his speech with stutt’ring phrase,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Why interrupt me when I state the case.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Your Lordship knows that when men feel despair,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“They strive by noise to dissipate their care;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Just so my friend that feeling would repress<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“By dint of rage and stormy scornfulness;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And well I know this conduct is but meant<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“To break the order of one’s argument.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“So this I say, the judgment seat before,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“That right is right;—I do not plead for more.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Defendant will not to his purchase stand,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Whereby my client loses cash and land.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Can this be right? No. Then, ’tis clear to me<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Relief with costs your Lordship will decree!”<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Next Horne uprises with resentment dire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And sputters nonsense in a speech of fire.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My Lord,” he cries, “behold this massive bill;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The office copy would a volume fill!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“<span class="lftspc">’</span>Tis only done my client to oppress,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Investing falsehood with a grander dress,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The whole a tissue of malignant lies;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Defendant’s answer every fact denies.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My client has perhaps the land enjoyed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“But then his money has been unemployed;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“For, when the abstract was from Preston got,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“It shew’d too glaringly the fatal blot.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Possessive title, as your Lordship knows,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Full sixty years enjoyment must disclose.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Now it so happen’d that on Lady Day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“When my poor client had the cash to pay;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Hours four and twenty (so the fact appears)<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Must pass, to make a term of sixty years.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The point, tho’ doubted once, is set at rest;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My friend may smile, but mine will be the jest.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“I claim your Lordship’s judgment on my side<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“With all the foresight of triumphant pride.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Nor care I who may blame! my client stands<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“For Justice; and the law, not praise, demands:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“If harsh the deed, his conscience may atone,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“But to the priest be that confession known.”<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Thus Bell replies—“My Lord, behold my friend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Another Shylock—comes our lives to end.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The pound of flesh he claims in barb’rous mood,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Tho’ death should follow with the loss of blood.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My friend admits the only flaw he knows<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Thro’ all the title to the paltry close,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Is that on Lady Day a few short hours<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Were wanting to complete this term of ours;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And that, because the title then was found<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Defective, nought on earth could make it sound.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Who doubts the motive of such rotten plea?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My friend may fume, ’tis plain enough to me.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“He asks for Justice.—What is Justice here?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“On March the twenty-sixth, our right was clear.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“That very day as evidence will shew,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Defendant from his purchase wish’d to go,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“In this deceptious refuge took resort,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And drove us most unwilling into Court.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“If law and justice in one point unite,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“My friend is wrong, and I am surely right.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Who makes a contract must the terms fulfil;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“We always have been ready; are so still.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The title clear; the field by Gripe possess’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“No purchase money paid, nor interest,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Is this a case for cautious doubt to pause?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Let common sense at once decide the cause!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Substantial justice to my claim decree,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And make for once a Court of Equity.”<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Now hear the judge. “This cause I cannot end,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“But must with sorrow to the master send.<a name="FNanchor_47_47" id="FNanchor_47_47"></a><a href="#Footnote_47_47" class="fnanchor">[47]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Let him into the business well inquire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“And state each fact, as parties may desire,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“What changes, if at all, has undergone<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“The title; and when first a right was shewn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“These points the wisest master should engross;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“So let the matter be referr’d to Cross.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“All other question, and the costs be stay’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“For future judgment, when report is made.”<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Ye heathen bards, in whose Tartarean Hell<br /></span> -<span class="i0">“Hope withering droops, and mercy sighs farewell.”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Dark scene of horror, punishment, and fear;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Behold its agonies depictured here!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Another Tantalus attempts to sip<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The welcome spring, that flows to mock his lip:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Another Sysiphus rolls up the stone<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To some tall height, from which it thunders down:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Here wretched dames, who never did a crime,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In filling sieves are doom’d to spend their time;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Here too Ixions writhe upon a wheel<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With pangs, that disappointment makes them feel;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While Tityus lies, by justice thrown aback,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And owns the tortures of a sharper rack;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Despair, the vulture, on his liver feeds,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And laps each gory life-drop, as it bleeds,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Screams with delight at the prolong’d repast,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And owns no more the anguish of a fast!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">In Chancery Lane a fabrick<a name="FNanchor_48_48" id="FNanchor_48_48"></a><a href="#Footnote_48_48" class="fnanchor">[48]</a> rears its head,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose vermin inmates, by foul plunder fed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In impious candour drown all mental qualms,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And cringe for bribes, as beggars ask for alms.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There registrar’s in form prepare decrees<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With long recitals, adding to their fees;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">While ill-paid clerks, unable else to live,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From office copies equal spoil derive.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Woe to the thrifty wretch, whoe’er he be,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That asks from South<a name="FNanchor_49_49" id="FNanchor_49_49"></a><a href="#Footnote_49_49" class="fnanchor">[49]</a> no copy of decree!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In vain attention shall he claim; in vain<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To ideot Burrows of delay complain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Threats and entreaties meet the same neglect;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But take a copy, and secure respect.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus tam’d, no more the pug-nos’d monkey fear;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For all your wants command the pliant ear!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Your welcome face will haunt him in his dream,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And every smile a copy-order seem.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Nor less are ent’ring clerks by lucre sway’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Tho’ shame invests their purpose with a shade.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If orders press, they will not take a bribe:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No, tempt not thus each conscientious scribe!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They spurn all gold you would on them confer;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But pray, be gen’rous to the stationer.<a name="FNanchor_50_50" id="FNanchor_50_50"></a><a href="#Footnote_50_50" class="fnanchor">[50]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">A name invented rapine to conceal,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As tailors cabbage, but disdain to steal.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thro’ all the court it runs from right to left,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By custom sanctified, tho’ still a theft.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No outward form of words will vary crime;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Who cribs an egg, may rob the house in time.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Once pass the bounds of uprightness, and see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How quick the transit into knavery!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Of all this dunghill crew there triumphs one,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whom I must name Corruption’s favourite son!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Abbott<a name="FNanchor_51_51" id="FNanchor_51_51"></a><a href="#Footnote_51_51" class="fnanchor">[51]</a>, stand forth! thou pious-looking elf,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Cloak in that simple face thy love of pelf;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of pelf extorted from the suitor’s purse.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Oh! may it prove to thee and thine a curse!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let all reports thy greedy hand hath fil’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Start from their shelves, and hearing thee revil’d,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Make known each instance of thy golden lust,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And own the muse is in its censure just.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Before my sight another viper’s nest<a name="FNanchor_52_52" id="FNanchor_52_52"></a><a href="#Footnote_52_52" class="fnanchor">[52]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Appears, as foul and loathsome as the rest;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where bad accountants shew no other tact,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than that which centres in the word “substract”—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That is, from others’ pocket to transfer<br /></span> -<span class="i0">(The price of peace) what none would else confer.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For this objections, flimsy as the net<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A spider weaves each passing fly to get,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">They coin, and language turn from its intent<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To speak a purpose that was never meant.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some name mis-spelt—one letter less or more,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A petty blunder ne’er observed before,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A mode of diction not precisely plain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When fools attempt the grammar’s art to strain,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Add to delay full many an iron bar,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And every effort of progression mar.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For, like the hydra, should you crush one head,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Behold ten others rising in its stead!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Alcide’s labours seem reviv’d, but none<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Are found, like him, to combat vice alone.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where right should flourish, see the weeds of crime<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Brought to perfection by the viper’s slime;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Guilt spreads unnotic’d over Virtue’s ground,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And crawling reptiles spit their venom round.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Time was, when I on common sense intent,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">These cocker critics fought with argument;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But soon I found that weapon better told<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When slyly pointed with a piece of gold;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Conviction follow’d, as I gave it in,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And all confess’d my art deserv’d to win—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">May heaven’s recorder blot away the sin!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Speed onward, Pegasus, and take a peep,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Where sixty clerks with their six elders sleep;<a name="FNanchor_53_53" id="FNanchor_53_53"></a><a href="#Footnote_53_53" class="fnanchor">[53]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of whom the muse no good account can give,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The worst of idlers in a dronish hive.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To do their duty on the Bible sworn;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That oath should seem as taken but in scorn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why should they labour in so bad a trade?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ten pence for ninety words is vilely paid;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And six and eight-pence adds but little strength,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When taxing bills according to their length.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Luxurious Baines! how often have I knelt<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To beg thy presence, ’ere the news was spelt!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When idle fits enchained thee to the fire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In vain persuasion, or the look of ire.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No force could motion to thy limbs impart;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A torpid creature, without head or heart!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And yet in thee the same weak point abounds.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Paid on account a cheque for fifty pounds<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou feelest then a temper far more civil,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And for that sum would follow to the devil.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No more the blood-drops stagnate in thy veins;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No more can truth describe thee, lazy Baines!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Taxation<a name="FNanchor_54_54" id="FNanchor_54_54"></a><a href="#Footnote_54_54" class="fnanchor">[54]</a> hail! thine academic school<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Behold, where all are taught to judge by rule,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Not reason. Fools are ever paid the same<br /></span> -<span class="i0">As those, whose talents grace the rolls of fame.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Successful labour gets no better pay<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Than indolence, that loiters on the way;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No matter what the toil, or care, or pain,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Should usage fail, remonstrance pleads in vain.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In odious custom judgment lies interr’d;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To that is argument and sense referr’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By general nostrums quacks endanger life,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So clerks in court apply the pruning knife.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The system lops each rotten bough, ’tis true;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But then it severs many a sound one too.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Turn to the tedious process of contempt;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Why should my foe from payment be exempt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If, firm in every stage, except the last,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">He leaves to me all damage of the past?—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor this the only point for suitors grief;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ten thousand others claim a like relief.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If judges must permit delay at all,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The costs at least should on the guilty fall:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For where is justice, reason, law, or sense,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When parties in the wrong escape th’ expense.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">No shelter lies beneath a silly rule;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">It serves but to increase the ridicule;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The blund’ring precept of some ancient sage,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whose light is darkness in the present age.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">There are, I hear, who bound in plainer calf<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From every item always tax one half—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A sapient plan! which he, who draws the bill,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Can well defeat without a Turpin’s skill.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Tis but to double what he means to score,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thus hath plunder found another door;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A place of entrance smuggled, as it were,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thro’ one, who should prevent intrusion there!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">I leave the cause with which my strain began;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For why again the same dull topics scan?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What Cross decides will not be right in course,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of new delays, and fresh appeals the source!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The ground, law’s hopeless victim trod before,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must be re-trac’d with tardy pace once more.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Years of long trial he must pass again,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Till death shall finish, not his suit but pain;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And if, perchance, his twentieth heir shall see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">An end to this heart-eating misery,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To pay large extra-costs the wretch can’t fail,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">His fate St. Lukes, the Workhouse, or a Jail.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">A Court of Equity is well defin’d<br /></span> -<span class="i0">By those, who call it “very, very kind,—”<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The dwarf, who to a giant friend applied,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Obtain’d large conquests fighting by his side;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But every battle lopp’d away a limb.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Suitors! are you not very much like him?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Without that giant’s aid in vain the war;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But his is all the profit, yours the scar.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What boots success, if dearly bought with life?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Defend me, Heaven! from such victorious strife.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye dwarfs, no more such strong protection seek,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Unequal friendships always hurt the weak!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Ye injured, shun all help from Chancery!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Court’s a hell, of which death keeps the key!!!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Still are there cases, where it seems to shine,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But ’tis like icicle in iron mine,—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bright for a time, and brilliant beams it’s ray,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But soon it breaks or melting fades away;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus when the Court, a Foundling Hospital,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On orphan babes<a name="FNanchor_55_55" id="FNanchor_55_55"></a><a href="#Footnote_55_55" class="fnanchor">[55]</a> it’s parent hand lets fall,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The deed so charitably good appears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That fond delusion hails the sight with tears;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But soon alas! those tears of joy will turn<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To drops of bitter woe, the soul to burn—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en babes must pay of guardianship the price,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And feel the gripe of legal avarice.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The masters word must ever guide their fate<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In person, conduct, marriage, or estate.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Some trees want felling; houses claim repair;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A lease is sought; are the conditions fair?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Receivers would upon a farm distrain;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Guardians of too small maintenance complain;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In every case, before an act be done,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Must approbation from the Court be won;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Aye, e’n ere Hymen’s torch can hallow love,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The Court and Master must its joys approve.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Oh! happy infants, how supremely blest!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To this parental care is but a jest.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A tiger of her young, by death withdrawn,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Supplied the loss by suckling a young fawn.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Maternal love into her bosom crept,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And for a time each wilder passion slept;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But famine soon upon the savage grew;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With sparkling eyes her foster cub she drew<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Close to her dugs, where lay the milky sup;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And out of pure affection eat it up.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Just so the Court each tender orphan treats;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But ’tis the fortune, not the babe, it eats.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">When men run mad, the Court effectual pains<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Exerts, that none should e’er resume their brains;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For picture one, who buried in the tomb<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Should wake again amid the charnel’s gloom,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Find his cold corpse by winding sheets secur’d.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And thus within a narrow vault immured;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Say, would the light of his returning sense<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Do more, than once again expel it thence?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">E’en so the maniac, if, by chance, a beam<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of wand’ring reason thro’ his head should gleam,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What speechless horror would he feel to see<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Himself and substance wards of Chancery?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That prospect all reviving sense would sever,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And plunge his mind in darkest night for ever!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Should partners quarrel in their mutual trade,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What friend so ready as the Court to aid?<br /></span> -<span class="i0">View’d from afar it’s proffers kind may seem,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But near acquaintance proves the whole a dream.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Death at our call a visit oft will pay,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Surprised to find we wish him far away;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">So Chancery suitors are compelled with grief<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To spurn the hand, from which they sought relief<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Whate’er the joint concern; for five per cent<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The court secures an able management;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Keeps just account, but at a large expense,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And claims great merit for it’s abstinence.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thus Eldon long of Opera House the warden,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And erst ex-manager of Covent Garden,<a name="FNanchor_56_56" id="FNanchor_56_56"></a><a href="#Footnote_56_56" class="fnanchor">[56]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Play’d many parts on the commercial stage;—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The most extensive chapman of the age.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">In iron now, and now in brass he dealt,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But gold would never in his fingers melt;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">With careful hand he kept the precious ore,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And every guinea made him wish for more.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">When stinted tenants do or threaten waste,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Fly for injunctions to the court in haste;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And weep at leisure o’er the wasted means,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That e’en success from such procedure gleans.<a name="FNanchor_57_57" id="FNanchor_57_57"></a><a href="#Footnote_57_57" class="fnanchor">[57]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Another’s faults are seldom pass’d unknown:<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How few will condescend to cure their own!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Ye hungry churchmen, fond of tithes in kind,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Hunt ancient records, ancient rights to find.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Preach to your simple flock of peace with tears,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Then,—set them altogether by the ears;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And, should you wish sincerely lov’d to be,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Drag all the parish into Chancery—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For your’s is not the fault, but theirs, who bilk<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The starving rector of his tithes of milk,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of corn, potatoes, wood, calves, geese, and swine;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Say, claims he not the tenth by right divine?<a name="FNanchor_58_58" id="FNanchor_58_58"></a><a href="#Footnote_58_58" class="fnanchor">[58]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">From holy writ the principle is taken,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And he who doubts will scarcely save his bacon!<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">How many jars from nuptial contracts rise,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And add fresh force to legal sacrifice!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Decay’d affections, ere they quite expire,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Erect in Chancery their fun’ral pyre;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The husband lights the flambeau for his spouse,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And both in turn contention’s spirit rouse:—<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Still is it singular, ’mid all their strife,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How well they keep the part of man and wife.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Each on the other loads abuse at first,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But ends at last in cursing law the worst.<a name="FNanchor_59_59" id="FNanchor_59_59"></a><a href="#Footnote_59_59" class="fnanchor">[59]</a><br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Of all the copious springs, that Chancery fill,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The most prolific is a nabob’s will.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">From every line a source of contest flows,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">That wakes to light, when he sinks to repose.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">How would the miser, who hath left his hoard,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To build a place for service of the Lord,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Or some more charitable purpose, stare,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">To see that treasure given to his heir,<a name="FNanchor_60_60" id="FNanchor_60_60"></a><a href="#Footnote_60_60" class="fnanchor">[60]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">A thoughtless prodigal, to whom, in hope<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of making better he bequeathed a rope;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The only loom which that young gen’rous elf<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Wished the testator to enjoy himself.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">There’s not a legacy, or land devise,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">On which some legal question may not rise,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of long litigious misery the root,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Set by a hand, that never reaps its fruit.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Oh! Equity, thou o’ergorg’d beast, digest<br /></span> -<span class="i0">What now distends thy maw, and spare the rest.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Let weary jackalls slumber for a time,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">’Till sleep begets an emptiness of crime.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">When hunger calls, employ again thy pow’r,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But mangle not, unless thou can’st devour.<a name="FNanchor_61_61" id="FNanchor_61_61"></a><a href="#Footnote_61_61" class="fnanchor">[61]</a><br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of death itself we little should complain,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">If lingering torments did not add to pain.<br /></span> -</div><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i2">Exhaustion summons; not that matter fails,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But idle nature o’er my muse prevails.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">A weariness in her perhaps may find<br /></span> -<span class="i0">The same sensations in a reader’s mind.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enough for me, if one amid the throng<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Shall learn to profit by my humble song;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Embark not vainly in a losing cause,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor seek protection from deficient laws.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Enough for me, if by exposure shamed,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">One wretch shall be from vicious acts reclaim’d;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Admit that truth has temper’d censure’s rod,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And rescued him from Beelzebub to God!<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -<p class="fint">THE END.<br /><br /><br /> -——————<br /> -LONDON:<br /> -Printed by <span class="smcap">J. Kay</span>, 1, Welbeck Street,<br /> -Cavendish Square.<br /> -</p> - -<div class="footnotes"><p class="cb">FOOTNOTES:</p> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Market day to a country attorney, is like sowing-time to -the corn-field. It lays the foundation of his professional harvest. From -the conferences of that day spring all his actions at law, and his -chancery suits. Litigation, encouraged by legal advice and good ale, -warms into action, and is no longer restrained by the dictates of sober -prudence.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Every one knows the difficulty of reading Bell’s opinions. -He is said to have three sorts of hand writing: the first he can read -himself, but his clerk cannot. The second his clerk can read, but he -cannot. The third, no human being; no, not even the most learned -decipherer of hieroglyphics, can make out.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> I mean no personal disrespect to Mr. Bell, whose superior -talents I freely acknowledge; but such are the opinions of most counsel, -and on such precious morsels of indecision are founded chancery suits -without number.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> This is a scene from Lincolns Inn. There is not a draftsman -or solicitor, that will not feel the truth of it; the one with conscious -shame, the other with that bitterness of spirit, arising from the -recollection of repeated disappointments of a similar nature to those -described.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> It is this demand of “money on account” that first removes -the film from the eyes of the unhappy client. He then discovers the full -horror of his situation. Expenses have been incurred, and to retreat -will involve him in a certain loss. He therefore determines to proceed, -but with terror in his looks, and despair at his heart.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> All chancery writs are sealed, which, being a mere matter -of form, is done in a moment. Certain days, however, are appointed for -this ceremony, and should any pressing business occur at any other time, -it is necessary to pay a fee of two guineas to open the seal, as it is -called.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> I recommend no man to attach his adversary for want of -appearance or answer—let a defendant take his own time. The allowed -costs of an attachment are somewhere about eight shillings and two -pence, upon tendering which sum the defendant is entitled to be -discharged from his contempt, although the plaintiff may have incurred -an expense of 20<i>l.</i> in executing the process, and carrying his opponent -to goal. Another instance of the propriety with which this court is -denominated a “court of equity.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> Should a solicitor be negligent in his business, the clerk -in court will amuse himself for years with handing alternative notes of -“Answer or Attachment” to the adverse clerk in court, without the least -probability of any attention ever being paid to them. In every case this -ridiculous courtesy is productive of much unnecessary delay. The order -for time is equally useless and absurd. A defendant in a country cause -is entitled as of course to two; one for six weeks, and another for a -month. Why could he not be allowed to claim the time he is thus entitled -to without this mummery and expense.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> An ingenious draftsman, well versed in all the dilatory -knowledge necessary to protract a suit—the uncle, I believe, of the -notorious Edward Gibbon Wakefield!</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> James Lowe of Southampton Buildings, Chancery Lane, a -well-known solicitor, very fond of drawing his own pleadings, but which, -it is said, he cannot often get counsel to sign. Koe obliges him -occasionally with his sign manual, but I have understood that this -gentleman’s conscience is too tender on some occasions to give perfect -satisfaction.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> To whom is the ignorant and blustering Francis Cross -unknown; once captain of Militia, now master in chancery? His -qualifications for the latter office are said to have been discovered by -the late Lord Chancellor in the gallant exertions he displayed in -assisting his Lordship and Lady Eldon out of the kennel, in which a -broken down carriage had left them sprawling. Any scavenger would have -done as much. Gratitude on this occasion really carried his Lordship too -far, but as the only instance on record of any thing like feeling in his -character, it is well worthy of admiration. The military genius of -Captain Cross still displays itself in the repeated vollies of fire, -ending in smoke, with which he attacks all those who have courage enough -to dispute his erroneous opinions.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> Samuel Compton Cox,—a worthy man, but one who lets his -passions outstrip his judgment. The slightest observation will often -give offence, and anger renders him deaf to all reason and argument.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> Francis Paul Stratford—a gentleman, who frequently amuses -himself with throwing books at the solicitors attending before him.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> James Stephen—a great advocate for the abolition of the -Slave Trade—much to be commended for having abolished in his office -that shameful practice of giving to the chief clerk large un-authorized -fees upon every report. Few men would have had courage enough to brave -the odium, to which such a step, unimitated by the other masters, must -have exposed this gentleman.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> James Trower—the most trifling of all official babblers.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> John Pugh chief clerk to Sir Giffin Wilson, and John Hone -the same to Master Cox. Should a solicitor pay not handsomely these two -worthies, let him expect but little attention. From the former, indeed, -it is hardly possible by any means to secure civility.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17"><span class="label">[17]</span></a> Mr. Kensit and Mr. Jones; two men as remarkable for their -abilities and civility as for the amiable contrast they exhibit to the -two masters (Stratford and Cross) of whom they are respectively chief -clerks.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18"><span class="label">[18]</span></a> Lord Lyndhurst—the present Lord Chancellor—late Sir John -Singleton Copley Knight—a man of strong intellect and sound judgment, -but totally inexperienced in the practice and principles of a court of -equity.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19"><span class="label">[19]</span></a> The Earl of Eldon. The descriptive portrait of his -Lordship is drawn from my own observation—my readers (if I should ever -be fortunate enough to have any) will judge of its correctness.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20"><span class="label">[20]</span></a> Sir John Leach, late vice chancellor, now master of the -Rolls; the peculiar object of dislike to Lord Eldon on account of the -comparative dispatch with which he disposed of the causes that were -brought before him.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21"><span class="label">[21]</span></a> Henry Brougham, (pronounced “Broom”) whose continual -attacks upon his Lordship, and the court over which he presided, gave -mortal offence.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22"><span class="label">[22]</span></a> Her Ladyship’s frugality is well known. It would be out of -place here to repeat the stories of the turbot and turkey.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23"><span class="label">[23]</span></a> Mr. Hand Clerk of the papers to the late Lord Chancellor, -who could never be prevailed on to receive papers, where he could avoid -it with any sort of decency. Adverting to the immense accumulation of -papers he used to say that the Chancellor could scarcely enter his own -house without being in danger of breaking his shins over a bundle of -briefs at the door.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_24_24" id="Footnote_24_24"></a><a href="#FNanchor_24_24"><span class="label">[24]</span></a> This being only an interlocutory proceeding, the -<i>supposition may perhaps be entertained</i>.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_25_25" id="Footnote_25_25"></a><a href="#FNanchor_25_25"><span class="label">[25]</span></a> William Agar and his mansion in the country, near St. -Pancrass workhouse, are well known. So inviolable does he maintain his -territorial rights, that a poor wretch caught angling in his fish-pond -the other day, was, as I hear, transported for that heinous offence. -Frowd, of the firm of Frowd and Rose, Carey Street, and Philip Hurd, of -the house of Hurd and Johnson, Temple, are notorious as the chief -providers of this calf-like lion.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_26_26" id="Footnote_26_26"></a><a href="#FNanchor_26_26"><span class="label">[26]</span></a> George Spence. This gentleman, who lately contrived to get -himself returned member of parliament for a few weeks, had the vain -effrontery to inform the House of Commons that his sole object in -getting there, was to instruct them in legislation on equitable -juris-prudence.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_27_27" id="Footnote_27_27"></a><a href="#FNanchor_27_27"><span class="label">[27]</span></a> Witnesses in Chancery are examined upon written -interrogations prepared and signed by counsel: a most wretched and -ineffectual system of extracting truth. The execution of the commission -is entrusted to friends of the solicitors in the cause, and the -witnesses are all previously well tutored as to what it is expected of -them to swear. The proceedings are always conducted at an inn, where the -solicitors, commissioners and witnesses, drown all their animosities in -the sociability of the table. Every day is provided at the expense of -the litigant parties a dinner, at which the viands and wines are the -very best and most expensive that the house can afford. Liberal -potations of course produce head-aches, for which there is nothing so -wholesome as air and exercise. Business is thus frequently neglected for -the sports of the field. Can any censure be too severe for such -iniquity?</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_28_28" id="Footnote_28_28"></a><a href="#FNanchor_28_28"><span class="label">[28]</span></a> The depositions of witnesses are liable to be suppressed -on many trifling grounds, which is another serious grievance arising out -of the mode of taking evidence in the Court of Chancery. I was some time -ago informed that the omission of the letter “s” at the end of the word -“evangelists” in a jurat, actually caused an expense to the plaintiff of -about 80<i>l.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_29_29" id="Footnote_29_29"></a><a href="#FNanchor_29_29"><span class="label">[29]</span></a> The death of a party, who has an interest in any cause, -often produces infinite delay. I have known a suit remain inactive for -many years in consequence of there being no person who would take out -administration to the deceased.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_30_30" id="Footnote_30_30"></a><a href="#FNanchor_30_30"><span class="label">[30]</span></a> The change or death of a solicitor in the cause is also -frequently the means of prolonging a suit. There are many instances in -which the taxation of a suitor’s bill has been pending for several -years. Our friend James Lowe is here introduced on the grand arena of -his fame. He carries taxation to an extremity of meanness and hostility -that is perfectly disgusting!</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_31_31" id="Footnote_31_31"></a><a href="#FNanchor_31_31"><span class="label">[31]</span></a> Solicitors are allowed 4<i>d.</i> a folio of ninety words for -abbreviating pleadings, and 3<i>s.</i> 4<i>d.</i> a brief sheet for copying the -abbreviations. They are also allowed 10<i>s.</i> a sheet for drawing and -copying observations, which I will venture to say no counsel ever reads. -The word “brief” is truly the “lucus a non lucendo.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_32_32" id="Footnote_32_32"></a><a href="#FNanchor_32_32"><span class="label">[32]</span></a> Sir Samuel Romilly, who, with all his virtues, was as much -attached to fees as any man. Hundreds of briefs did he take when he must -have known that it was impossible for him to attend to them. A man -cannot divide himself, nor be at the same moment in the House of Lords, -and the Court of Chancery.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_33_33" id="Footnote_33_33"></a><a href="#FNanchor_33_33"><span class="label">[33]</span></a> Sir Anthony Hart, of considerable experience in the -principles and practice of the Court of Chancery; but a prosing and -monotonous advocate. One of his long speeches has frequently set me to -sleep, and I believe I was not singular in my drowsiness. He has -recently been created Vice Chancellor.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_34_34" id="Footnote_34_34"></a><a href="#FNanchor_34_34"><span class="label">[34]</span></a> Edward Burtenshaw Sugden, a counsel who always reads his -briefs, and does justice to his case. He has written a book on powers, -which he frequently cites as “The Book on Powers.” He has great talent, -and has also the wit to know it. The Sussex election, at which he was so -hastily “perused and settled” by Sir Godfrey Webster must be fresh in -public recollection. His conduct more recently, on proposing himself for -a borough, and offering to be guided in his politics by the wishes of -the electors, deserves severe reprehension; but for this perhaps he is -sufficiently punished by the exposure of his correspondence to that -effect.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_35_35" id="Footnote_35_35"></a><a href="#FNanchor_35_35"><span class="label">[35]</span></a> William Horne, an angry snarler, of fluent speech, but -feeble argument.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_36_36" id="Footnote_36_36"></a><a href="#FNanchor_36_36"><span class="label">[36]</span></a> Lancelot Shadwell, who well merits all that is said of -him.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_37_37" id="Footnote_37_37"></a><a href="#FNanchor_37_37"><span class="label">[37]</span></a> John Fonblanque; who has merited more than he has -obtained. His notes to the Treatise on Equity, are written with very -considerable talent.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_38_38" id="Footnote_38_38"></a><a href="#FNanchor_38_38"><span class="label">[38]</span></a> Mr. Park, who some few years ago published a book of some -merit, but which, it was said, he never wrote. This work, however, and -his affectation of extraordinary piety seem to have been the cause of -his elevation to a dignity, for which he was totally incompetent. His -behaviour in court was occasionally that of an ideot. When on the -circuit, the door of the town-hall must not creak, nor he be kept a -moment from his dinner under any circumstances. His ill-temper exposed -him to continual quarrels with the counsel, and whenever he found -himself in the wrong, he talked of behaving towards one he might have -offended with the patience of a Christian judge.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_39_39" id="Footnote_39_39"></a><a href="#FNanchor_39_39"><span class="label">[39]</span></a> George Heald, a man of great abilities, and considerable -wit, but so idle that he seldom reads his brief. If the statements of -counsel may be supposed to have any weight on the mind of the judge, -what must be the situation of Heald’s client;—of whom the adverse -counsel may state what he pleases as alledged in the pleadings without -the fear of contradiction; for how can the other know whether it be true -or false? To be sure if Agar were his adversary, he might give a shrewd -guess!</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_40_40" id="Footnote_40_40"></a><a href="#FNanchor_40_40"><span class="label">[40]</span></a> Sir Charles Weatherall!—late attorney general;—an -office, to which it should seem he had long aspired. His defence of -Watson, Thistlewood, &c. is well known; and the motive of his conduct in -that affair is said to have been disappointed ambition. On the occasion -of the late change in the ministry, it was asserted that a letter from -the premier, appointing Sir Charles, Master of the Rolls, and from Sir -Charles, tendering his resignation of the office of Attorney General, -crossed each other on the road.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_41_41" id="Footnote_41_41"></a><a href="#FNanchor_41_41"><span class="label">[41]</span></a> James Lewis Knight;—of whose sound judgment and sterling -talents I am glad to have an opportunity of offering this small tribute -of admiration.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_42_42" id="Footnote_42_42"></a><a href="#FNanchor_42_42"><span class="label">[42]</span></a> Basil Montagu!—employed only in bankruptcy cases. He is -particularly notorious in stickling for retainers; without which he -pretends to think himself justified to support a petition to-day, and -oppose it to-morrow. He is also an author; or, I should rather say, a -compositor of books, which are sometimes bought, but not much read. I do -not trouble myself about his genealogy.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_43_43" id="Footnote_43_43"></a><a href="#FNanchor_43_43"><span class="label">[43]</span></a> The bankruptcy system in this country is most horrible. -Let any one visit the commissioners court in Basinghall Street, and -witness the scenes that are there transacted. The commissioners are paid -20<i>s.</i> for each meeting, and in order to make the most of their time, -they have frequently ten different appointments at the same hour. The -confusion may be easily conceived.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_44_44" id="Footnote_44_44"></a><a href="#FNanchor_44_44"><span class="label">[44]</span></a> It was not until lately that the practice of conveyancing -was converted into an independent branch of the legal profession, and -clogged with all the niceties in which it is at present enveloped. Few -titles can stand the test of the all-searching scrutiny with which they -are now investigated. Conveyancers always furnish a very abundant supply -of litigation to the Court of Chancery.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_45_45" id="Footnote_45_45"></a><a href="#FNanchor_45_45"><span class="label">[45]</span></a> Richard Preston, brought up in a country attorneys office, -and thence removed to London, where he has for several years practised -as a conveyancer. He is the editor of a work called, Shepherd’s -Touchstone, and the author of several publications on conveyancing. In -the early part of his career he obtained some reputation for talent, but -much of it has passed away. He is vainer of his oratorical powers than a -peacock of its tail, but the bird has this advantage over the man, that -others unite in admiration of its feathers; while Preston is compelled -to be satisfied with his own applause. He once formed a project, very -ingenious no doubt, for cultivating some of the barren moors in -Devonshire, but in attempting to carry it into effect, he was, I -believe, nearly ruined.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_46_46" id="Footnote_46_46"></a><a href="#FNanchor_46_46"><span class="label">[46]</span></a> The arguments, will, I fear, be found very dull; but -should the reader ever attend the Court of Chancery, he will find the -reality equally stupid. It can hardly be expected of me that I should be -able to make Horne agreeable, or Bell amusing.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_47_47" id="Footnote_47_47"></a><a href="#FNanchor_47_47"><span class="label">[47]</span></a> Some idle reference to the master is the favourite mode of -disposing of a cause practiced by Sir John Leach—men who know no better -praise him for his dispatch. The suitor finds to his cost that such -expedition is very tedious and very expensive.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_48_48" id="Footnote_48_48"></a><a href="#FNanchor_48_48"><span class="label">[48]</span></a> The office of the registrars.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_49_49" id="Footnote_49_49"></a><a href="#FNanchor_49_49"><span class="label">[49]</span></a> Mr. South is chief clerk to Henry Burrows one of the -deputy registrars of the court. To win South’s favor the solicitor must -take copies of all minutes, orders, and decrees. It is not very wise to -get into his black book. To those, who never bespeak an office copy he -is blind and deaf. The following dialogue is said to have taken place -between South and a solicitor. Sol. “I shall be obliged Mr. South by -your letting me have the short order as soon as possible.” South. “Do -you take a copy.” Sol. “No.” South. “Call in a fortnight.” Sol. “On -second thought Mr. South, I shall want a copy.” South. “Oh! call -to-morrow.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_50_50" id="Footnote_50_50"></a><a href="#FNanchor_50_50"><span class="label">[50]</span></a> “The stationer” is a cant term made use of in all the -Chancery offices for money you are obliged to give beyond the regular -fees for expediting any business.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_51_51" id="Footnote_51_51"></a><a href="#FNanchor_51_51"><span class="label">[51]</span></a> Mr. Abbot, chief clerk in the office, where reports are -filed—from whom the solicitor will in vain attempt to get an office -copy of a report, unless “the stationer” has been thought of.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_52_52" id="Footnote_52_52"></a><a href="#FNanchor_52_52"><span class="label">[52]</span></a> The accountant general’s office; where a parcel of -addle-headed clerks give the solicitors an infinity of trouble by -picking holes in orders and reports for the purpose of shewing their -consequence, and inducing the profession to bribe them into silence, -which is accordingly often done with effect. It is better to humour the -viper, than tread upon his tail.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_53_53" id="Footnote_53_53"></a><a href="#FNanchor_53_53"><span class="label">[53]</span></a> The office of the six clerks, and of the sixty clerks in -court where all pleadings are filed. The principal duty of the clerks in -court is to copy the pleadings (for which he is allowed 10<i>d.</i> a folio) -and to assist the masters in taxing costs at the rate of 6<i>s.</i> 8<i>d.</i> for -every hour or for every twenty folios in the length of the bill. They -are all a set of drones, but our friend John Baines really out Hectors -Hector.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_54_54" id="Footnote_54_54"></a><a href="#FNanchor_54_54"><span class="label">[54]</span></a> Taxation is entirely regulated by custom, and the -principle upon which it is conducted often produces the greatest -injustice as well to the solicitor as to the client. To get a party into -contempt for disobedience to an order of the court a writ of execution -must be taken out and served upon him, and various other expensive -proceedings resorted to; and yet should he obey the order before the -whole process is actually completed, not one sixpence will be allowed -against him in costs. There are other instances equally gross. I have -often argued against such injustice, but have been always answered “this -is our rule, we cannot do otherwise.” Is it not high time that a remedy -should be provided. There are some, who in taxing discretionary charges -as between a solicitor and his client, invariably take off one half of -each item. How must a conscientious solicitor suffer from this mode of -exercising direction! The resource of a less delicate mind is obvious.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_55_55" id="Footnote_55_55"></a><a href="#FNanchor_55_55"><span class="label">[55]</span></a> Infants and lunatics are the peculiar objects of the -court’s protection as well in person as estate—but it is like an ogre -feasting on the traveller to whom he had offered an asylum.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_56_56" id="Footnote_56_56"></a><a href="#FNanchor_56_56"><span class="label">[56]</span></a> The court is frequently obliged to interfere in -partnership brawls, and wind up the joint trade. The Opera House has -been in Chancery for years, and Covent Garden has now the same -felicity.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_57_57" id="Footnote_57_57"></a><a href="#FNanchor_57_57"><span class="label">[57]</span></a> Why is not the court as vigilant in abstaining from waste, -as it is in preventing others from committing it?</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_58_58" id="Footnote_58_58"></a><a href="#FNanchor_58_58"><span class="label">[58]</span></a> Tithe-questions present a fruitful source of equitable -jurisdiction. It is the fashion of churchmen to boast of their title by -“right divine.” If the right be celestial, the remedy is satanic!</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_59_59" id="Footnote_59_59"></a><a href="#FNanchor_59_59"><span class="label">[59]</span></a> Marriage settlements produce infinite litigation, but much -as husband and wife may be dissatisfied with each other, they generally -end in abusing their equitable mediator—reminding one of the old adage: -</p> - -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i0">He, who between man and wife interposes<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Will get black eyes, and bloody noses.<br /></span> -</div></div> -</div> - -</div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_60_60" id="Footnote_60_60"></a><a href="#FNanchor_60_60"><span class="label">[60]</span></a> Referring to the Mortmain Acts. Wills supply the court -with more than two thirds of its victims.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_61_61" id="Footnote_61_61"></a><a href="#FNanchor_61_61"><span class="label">[61]</span></a> Alluding to the present over-abundance of business which -it would take years to clear away, without the introduction of any new -suits. Even brutes refrain from swallowing what they are unable to -digest.</p></div> - -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Court of Chancery: a satirical -poem., by Reginald James Blewitt - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COURT OF CHANCERY *** - -***** This file should be named 60957-h.htm or 60957-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/0/9/5/60957/ - -Produced by Chuck Greif, deaurider and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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