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diff --git a/old/60229-0.txt b/old/60229-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 85f0661..0000000 --- a/old/60229-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1276 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's The Priest And The Acolyte, by John Francis Bloxam - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: The Priest And The Acolyte - With an Introductory Protest by Stuart Mason - -Author: John Francis Bloxam - -Commentator: Stuart Mason - -Release Date: September 3, 2019 [EBook #60229] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRIEST AND THE ACOLYTE *** - - - - -Produced by M.K., David Wilson and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was -produced from images made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library.) - - - - - - - - - -THE PRIEST AND THE ACOLYTE - - - - - THE - PRIEST - AND - THE - ACOLYTE - - - WITH AN - INTRODUCTORY - PROTEST BY - STUART MASON - - - LONDON: AT THE LOTUS PRESS - NINETEEN HUNDRED AND SEVEN - - - - -So many copies of “The Priest and the Acolyte” have been sold by -unscrupulous publishers and booksellers under the implication that it -is the work of Oscar Wilde that it has been thought good to issue this -edition with the object of putting an end, once and for all, to the -possibility of purchasers being misled as to the authorship. - -The story was originally published in _The Chameleon_, the first and -only number of which appeared in December, 1894. The author of the -story was an undergraduate at Oxford, “an insufficiently birched -schoolboy,” as he has recently been described, and he alone was -responsible for the contents of the magazine which he edited. At the -time of the trial of Lord Queensberry for libel a few months later it -was attempted to show that Oscar Wilde not only approved of the theme -of the story, but that he was actually a party to the publication of -it, on the grounds that he sent to the editor a number of aphorisms -under the title of “Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the -Young.” - -The simplest way of showing what Oscar Wilde really thought of the -story is to quote what he said when examined in Court on the subject. - -John Sholto Douglas, Eighth Marquis of Queensberry, was arrested on -a warrant on March 1, 1895, on a charge of uttering a criminal libel -against Oscar Wilde. On the following morning he was brought up before -Mr. Newton at Marlborough Street Police Court, and after some formal -evidence had been taken was remanded on bail for a week, and on the -second hearing was formally committed to take his trial at the Central -Criminal Court a few weeks later. - -The trial began at the Old Bailey on Wednesday, April 3, before -Mr. Justice Henn Collins. Sir Edward Clarke, Q.C., M.P., Mr. Charles -Mathews and Mr. Travers Humphreys appeared for the prosecution; -Mr. Carson, Q.C., M.P., Mr. C. F. Gill and Mr. A. Gill being for the -defence. - -The court was crowded. The Marquis was the first to arrive. He came in -alone, and stood, hat in hand, in front of the dock. He spoke to no -one, and no one spoke to him. There was little that was aristocratic -in the Marquis’s appearance. He was of short stature, with a round -face, and clean shaven except for a streak of red whisker. His lower -lip drooped considerably. A few minutes before half-past ten, -Mr. Oscar Wilde entered the court and took a seat immediately in -front of his Counsel, with whom he at once joined in an animated -conversation. - -The Judge was ten minutes late, but (the Marquis having entered the -dock) the preliminary proceedings were soon got through, and at a -quarter to eleven, Sir Edward Clarke began his speech for the -prosecution. Everybody listened attentively to the story, as set -forth by Counsel, of the prosecutor’s achievements at college, his -subsequent success as a littérateur, and the circumstances under -which he became acquainted with the defendant’s family. “Phrases and -Philosophies for the Use of the Young,” which Oscar Wilde contributed -to _The Chameleon_, was mentioned in the plea of the defence as -“immoral and obscene,” and Sir Edward Clarke occupied some time in -an endeavour to prove the contrary. With regard to _The Chameleon_, -Counsel admitted that it contained a story entitled “The Priest and -the Acolyte,” which could not be justified, but he declared his client -could not be held responsible for the publication as a whole, he being -but a contributor to its pages. As a matter of fact, Mr. Wilde urged -upon the editor that the book should be withdrawn. - -Soon after Mr. Carson began his cross-examination, it became apparent -that the line he was adopting would result in a conflict between -Counsel. Mr. Wilde was being questioned as to his opinion on certain -extracts from “The Priest and the Acolyte,” when Sir Edward Clarke -jumped to his feet and appealed to the Judge whether the questions -were relevant, inasmuch as Mr. Wilde was not responsible for the -story. The Judge ruled in favour of Mr. Carson. Sir Edward, a few -minutes later, raised another objection, but he was again overruled. - -The interval for luncheon came as a pleasant relief to all, and, on -the application of Mr. Carson, the Judge consented to the defendant -being allowed his freedom till the court resumed its sitting. - -Sir Edward Clarke, in the course of his speech for the prosecution, -said that there were two extremely curious counts at the end of the -plea. One was that in December, 1894, was “published a certain immoral -work in the form of _The Chameleon_, relating to practices and -passions of an unnatural kind,” and that his client had “joined in -procuring the publication of _The Chameleon_, with his name upon it as -the principal contributor.” That was a very gross allegation. Directly -Mr. Wilde saw the magazine, he noticed there was a story in it called -“The Priest and the Acolyte,” which was a disgrace to literature, -which it was amazing any body wrote, and still more amazing that any -body allowed to be published under his name.[1] Directly Mr. Wilde -saw that story he communicated with the editor, and upon his -insistence the magazine was withdrawn. He had no knowledge that that -story was about to be published. It was strange indeed, then, to find -that publication put upon the particulars as justifying the charge -against Mr. Wilde. - - [Footnote 1: Sir Edward Clarke was in error. The story was - published anonymously, being signed “X” only, though the author’s - real name was more or less an open secret in Oxford at the time.] - -In his examination in chief, Sir Edward Clarke said: It is suggested -that you are responsible for the publication of _The Chameleon_ on the -front page of which some aphorisms of yours appear. Beyond sending -that contribution had you any thing to do with the preparation or -ownership, editorship or publication of that magazine? - -Witness—No; nothing whatever. - -Until you saw this number of _The Chameleon_ did you know any thing -about the story, “The Priest and the Acolyte”? - -Nothing at all. - -Upon seeing the story in print, did you communicate with the editor? - -The editor came to see me at the Café Royal to speak to me about it. - -Did you approve of the story of “The Priest and the Acolyte”? - -I thought it bad and indecent, and I strongly disapproved of it. - -Was that disapproval expressed to the editor? - -Yes. - -Oscar Wilde was then cross-examined by Mr. Carson for the defence. - -You read “The Priest and the Acolyte”? - -Yes. - -You have no doubt that that was an improper story? - -From the literary point of view it was highly improper. It is -impossible for a man of literature to judge it otherwise, by -literature meaning treatment, selection of subject, and the like. -I thought the treatment rotten and the subject rotten. - -You are of opinion, I believe, that there is no such thing as an -immoral book? - -Yes. - -May I take it that you think “The Priest and the Acolyte” was not -immoral? - -It was worse; it was badly written. - -Was not the story that of a priest who fell in love with a boy who -served him at the altar, and the boy was discovered in the priest’s -room, and a scandal arose? - -I have read it only once, in November last, and nothing will induce -me to read it again. - -Did you think the story blasphemous? - -I think it violated every artistic canon of beauty. - -That is not an answer. - -It is the only one I can give. - -I want you to see the position you pose in. - -I do not think you should say that. - -I have said nothing out of the way. I wish to know whether you thought -the story blasphemous. - -The story filled me with disgust. - -Answer the question, sir. Did you, or did you not, consider the story -blasphemous? - -I did not consider the story blasphemous. - -I am satisfied with that. You know that when the priest in the story -administers poison to the boy he uses the words of the Sacrament of -the Church of England? - -That I entirely forgot. - -Do you consider that blasphemous? - -I think it is horrible. “Blasphemous” is not the word. - -Mr. Carson then read the words describing the administration of the -poison in the Sacrament, and asked Mr. Wilde whether he approved of -them. - -The witness replied that he thought them disgusting, perfect twaddle. - -I think you will admit that any one who would approve of such an -article would pose as guilty of improper practices? - -I do not think so in the person of another contributor to the -magazine. It would show very bad literary taste. I strongly objected -to the whole story. I took no steps to express public disapproval of -_The Chameleon_, because I think it would have been beneath my dignity -as a man of letters to associate myself with an Oxford undergraduate’s -productions. I am aware that the magazine might have been circulated -among the undergraduates of Oxford, but I do not believe that any book -or work of art ever had any effect whatever on morality. - -Am I right in saying that you do not consider the effect in creating -morality or immorality? - -Certainly, I do not. - -So far as your own works are concerned you pose as not being -concerned about morality or immorality? - -I do not know whether you use the word “pose” in any particular sense. - -It is a favourite word of your own. - -Is it? I have no pose in this matter. In writing a play or a book I am -concerned entirely with literature, that is, with art. I aim not at -doing good or evil but in trying to make a thing that will have some -quality of beauty. - -What would any body say would be the effect of “Phrases and -Philosophies for the Use of the Young” taken in connection with such -an article as “The Priest and the Acolyte”? - -Undoubtedly, it was the idea that might be formed that made me object -so strongly to the story. I saw at once that maxims that were -perfectly nonsensical, paradoxical or any thing you like, might be -read in conjunction with it. - -On Tuesday, April 30, which was the fourth day of the first trial of -Oscar Wilde, Sir Edward Clarke entered an emphatic protest against -Mr. Gill having read over again the cross-examination of the accused -upon his books and writings which he had given at the trial of Lord -Queensberry. It was not fair to judge of a man’s conduct by his books, -but the Prosecution had gone much further than that, and had sought to -judge Wilde by books which he did not write, and by a story which he -had repudiated as horrible and disgusting. Public opinion had been -excited and fanned by the quotation in Court of passages of literature -for which he was not responsible. - -The subject then dropped, and the next reference to it was made by -Mr. Justice Charles in his summing up on the last day of Oscar Wilde’s -first trial (May 1) when the Jury disagreed and was unable to return -a verdict. His lordship said that he did not propose to deal at any -length with the incidents of the Queensberry trial, but that it must -be remembered that the evidence of Wilde at that trial was given on -oath and must not be lost sight of in considering that which he had -given the previous day or two in that Court. A very large portion of -the evidence of Wilde at the Queensberry trial was devoted to what -Sir Edward Clarke had called “the literary part of the case,” and it -had been attempted to show by cross-examination that Wilde was a man -of most unprincipled character with regard to the relation of men to -boys. In regard to a magazine called _The Chameleon_, published in the -autumn of 1894, it was alleged that Wilde had given the sanction of -his name to the most abominable doctrines, but the only connection -proved between that magazine and the defendant was that it was -prefaced by two or three pages of aphorisms by the accused, of which -it was sufficient to say that some were amusing, some cynical, some, -if his lordship might be allowed to criticize, silly; but wicked, no. - -The learned Counsel who represented Lord Queensberry, the Judge -continued, had called attention to a story, a filthy narrative of a -most disgusting character, called “The Priest and the Acolyte,” of -which the author, who signed himself “X,” should be thoroughly -ashamed. With that story Wilde had had nothing whatever to do, and -to impute to him any thing in it was quite absurd. To judge him by -another man’s works which he had never seen would be highly unjust. - -In the second trial of Oscar Wilde, which was heard before Mr. Justice -Willis on the following May 22 to 25, no mention was made of _The -Chameleon_ or of “The Priest and the Acolyte.” - -What is stated above ought to be sufficient, once and for all, to -dissociate the name of the author of “Salomé” and “Lady Windermere’s -Fan” from the story reprinted in the following pages. - - - - -THE PRIEST AND THE ACOLYTE - -_Honi soit qui mal y pense_ - - -PART I - -“Pray, father, give me thy blessing, for I have sinned.” - -The priest started; he was tired in mind and body; his soul was -sad and his heart heavy as he sat in the terrible solitude of the -confessional ever listening to the same dull round of oft-repeated -sins. He was weary of the conventional tones and matter-of-fact -expressions. Would the world always be the same? For nearly twenty -centuries the Christian priests had sat in the confessional and -listened to the same old tale. The world seemed to him no better; -always the same, the same. The young priest sighed to himself, and -for a moment almost wished people would be worse. Why could they not -escape from these old wearily-made paths and be a little original in -their vices, if sin they must? But the voice he now listened to -aroused him from his reverie. It was so soft and gentle, so diffident -and shy. - -He gave the blessing, and listened. Ah, yes! he recognized the voice -now. It was the voice he had heard for the first time only that very -morning: the voice of the little acolyte that had served his Mass. - -He turned his head and peered through the grating at the little bowed -head beyond. There was no mistaking those long soft curls. Suddenly, -for one moment, the face was raised, and the large moist blue eyes -met his; he saw the little oval face flushed with shame at the simple -boyish sins he was confessing, and a thrill shot through him, for he -felt that here at least was something in the world that was beautiful, -something that was really true. Would the day come when those soft -scarlet lips would have grown hard and false? when the soft shy treble -would have become careless and conventional? His eyes filled with -tears, and in a voice that had lost its firmness he gave the -absolution. - -After a pause, he heard the boy rise to his feet, and watched him wend -his way across the little chapel and kneel before the altar while he -said his penance. The priest hid his thin tired face in his hands and -sighed wearily. The next morning, as he knelt before the altar and -turned to say the words of confession to the little acolyte whose head -was bent so reverently towards him, he bowed low till his hair just -touched the golden halo that surrounded the little face, and he felt -his veins burn and tingle with a strange new fascination. - -When that most wonderful thing in the whole world, complete -soul-absorbing love for another, suddenly strikes a man, that man -knows what heaven means, and he understands hell: but if the man be -an ascetic, a priest whose whole heart is given to ecstatic devotion, -it were better for that man if he had never been born. - -When they reached the vestry and the boy stood before him reverently -receiving the sacred vestments, he knew that henceforth the entire -devotion of his religion, the whole ecstatic fervour of his prayers, -would be connected with, nay, inspired by, one object alone. With the -same reverence and humility as he would have felt in touching the -consecrated elements he laid his hands on the curl-crowned head, he -touched the small pale face, and, raising it slightly, he bent forward -and gently touched the smooth white brow with his lips. - -When the child felt the caress of his fingers, for one moment every -thing swam before his eyes; but when he felt the light touch of the -tall priest’s lips, a wonderful assurance took possession of him: he -understood. He raised his little arms, and, clasping his slim white -fingers around the priest’s neck kissed him on the lips. With a sharp -cry the priest fell upon his knees, and, clasping the little figure -clad in scarlet and lace to his heart, he covered the tender flushing -face with burning kisses. Then suddenly there came upon them both a -quick sense of fear; they parted hastily, with hot trembling fingers -folded the sacred vestments, and separated in silent shyness. - - * * * * * - -The priest returned to his poor rooms and tried to sit down and think, -but all in vain: he tried to eat, but could only thrust away his plate -in disgust: he tried to pray, but instead of the calm figure on the -cross, the calm, cold figure with the weary, weary face, he saw -continually before him the flushed face of a lovely boy, the wide -star-like eyes of his new-found love. - -All that day the young priest went through the round of his various -duties mechanically, but he could not eat nor sit quiet, for when -alone, strange shrill bursts of song kept thrilling through his brain, -and he felt that he must flee out into the open air or go mad. - -At length, when night came, and the long, hot day had left him -exhausted and worn out, he threw himself on his knees before his -crucifix and compelled himself to think. - -He called to mind his boyhood and his early youth; there returned to -him the thought of the terrible struggles of the last five years. -Here he knelt, Ronald Heatherington, priest of Holy Church, aged -twenty-eight: what he had endured during these five years of fierce -battling with those terrible passions he had fostered in his boyhood, -was it all to be in vain? For the last year he had really felt that -all passion was subdued, all those terrible outbursts of passionate -love he had really believed to be stamped out for ever. He had worked -so hard, so unceasingly, through all these five years since his -ordination—he had given himself up solely and entirely to his sacred -office; all the intensity of his nature had been concentrated, -completely absorbed, in the beautiful mysteries of his religion. He -had avoided all that could affect him, all that might call up any -recollection of his early life. Then he had accepted this curacy, with -sole charge of the little chapel that stood close beside the cottage -where he was now living, the little mission-chapel that was the -most distant of the several grouped round the old Parish Church of -St. Anselm. He had arrived only two or three days before, and, going -to call on the old couple who lived in the cottage, the back of which -formed the boundary of his own little garden, had been offered the -services of their grandson as acolyte. - -“My son was an artist fellow, sir,” the old man had said: “he never -was satisfied here, so we sent him off to London; he was made a lot of -there, sir, and married a lady, but the cold weather carried him off -one winter, and his poor young wife was left with the baby. She -brought him up and taught him herself, sir, but last winter she was -taken too, so the poor lad came to live with us—so delicate he is, -sir, and not one of the likes of us; he’s a gentleman born and bred, -is Wilfred. His poor mother used to like him to go and serve at the -church near them in London, and the boy was so fond of it himself that -we thought, supposing you did not mind, sir, that it would be a treat -for him to do the same here.” - -“How old is the boy?” asked the young priest. - -“Fourteen, sir,” replied the grandmother. - -“Very well, let him come to the chapel to-morrow morning,” Ronald had -agreed. - -Entirely absorbed in his devotions, the young man had scarcely -noticed the little acolyte who was serving for him, and it was not -till he was hearing his confession later in the day that he had -realized his wonderful loveliness. - -“Ah God! help me! pity me! After all this weary labour and toil, just -when I am beginning to hope, is every thing to be undone? am I to lose -every thing? Help me, help me, O God!” - -Even while he prayed; even while his hands were stretched out in -agonized supplication towards the feet of that crucifix before which -his hardest battles had been fought and won; even while the tears of -bitter contrition and miserable self-mistrust were dimming his -eyes—there came a soft tap on the glass of the window beside him. He -rose to his feet, and wonderingly drew back the dingy curtain. There -in the moonlight, before the open window, stood a small white -figure—there, with his bare feet on the moon-blanched turf, dressed -only in his long white night-shirt, stood his little acolyte, the boy -who held his whole future in his small childish hands. - -“Wilfred, what are you doing here?” he asked in a trembling voice. - -“I could not sleep, father, for thinking of you, and I saw a light in -your room, so I got out through the window and came to see you. Are -you angry with me, father?” he asked, his voice faltering as he saw -the almost fierce expression in the thin ascetic face. - -“Why did you come to see me?” The priest hardly dared recognize the -situation, and scarcely heard what the boy said. - -“Because I love you, I love you—oh, so much! but you—you are angry -with me—oh, why did I ever come! why did I ever come!—I never -thought you would be angry!” and the little fellow sank on the grass -and burst into tears. - -The priest sprang through the open window, and seizing the slim little -figure in his arms, he carried him into the room. He drew the curtain, -and, sinking into the deep arm-chair, laid the little fair head upon -his breast, kissing his curls again and again. - -“O my darling! my own beautiful darling!” he whispered, “how could -I ever be angry with you? You are more to me than all the world. -Ah, God! how I love you, my darling! my own sweet darling!” - -For nearly an hour the boy nestled there in his arms, pressing his -soft cheek against his; then the priest told him he must go. For one -long last kiss their lips met, and then the small white-clad figure -slipped through the window, sped across the little moonlit garden, -and vanished through the opposite window. - -When they met in the vestry next morning, the lad raised his beautiful -flower-like face, and the priest, gently putting his arms round him, -kissed him tenderly on the lips. - -“My darling! my darling!” was all he said; but the lad returned his -kiss with a smile of wonderful almost heavenly love, in a silence that -seemed to whisper something more than words. - -“I wonder what was the matter with the father this morning?” said one -old woman to another, as they were returning from the chapel; “he -didn’t seem himself at all; he made more mistakes this morning than -Father Thomas made in all the year he was here.” - -“Seemed as if he had never said a Mass before!” replied her friend, -with something of contempt. - -And that night, and for many nights after, the priest, with the pale -tired-looking face, drew the curtain over his crucifix and waited at -the window for the glimmer of the pale summer moonlight on a crown -of golden curls, for the sight of slim boyish limbs clad in the long -white night-shirt, that only emphasized the grace of every movement, -and the beautiful pallor of the little feet speeding across the grass. -There at the window, night after night, he waited to feel tender -loving arms thrown round his neck, and to feel the intoxicating -delight of beautiful boyish lips raining kisses on his own. - -Ronald Heatherington made no mistakes in the Mass now. He said the -solemn words with a reverence and devotion that made the few poor -people who happened to be there speak of him afterwards almost with -awe; while the face of the little acolyte at his side shone with a -fervour which made them ask each other what this strange light could -mean. Surely the young priest must be a saint indeed, while the boy -beside him looked more like an angel from heaven than any child of -human birth. - - -PART II - -The world is very stern with those that thwart her. She lays down -her precepts, and woe to those who dare to think for themselves, who -venture to exercise their own discretion as to whether they shall -allow their individuality and natural characteristics to be stamped -out, to be obliterated under the leaden fingers of convention. - -Truly, convention is the stone that has become head of the corner in -the jerry-built temple of our superficial, self-assertive -civilization. - -“_And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on -whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder._” - -If the world sees any thing she cannot understand, she assigns the -basest motives to all concerned, supposing the presence of some secret -shame, the idea of which, at least, her narrow-minded intelligence is -able to grasp. - -The people no longer regarded their priest as a saint, and his acolyte -as an angel. They still spoke of them with bated breath and with their -fingers on their lips; they still drew back out of the way when they -met either of them; but now they gathered together in groups of twos -and threes and shook their heads. - -The priest and his acolyte heeded not; they never even noticed the -suspicious glances and half-suppressed murmurs. Each had found in the -other perfect sympathy and perfect love: what could the outside world -matter to them now? Each was to the other the perfect fulfilment of a -scarcely preconceived ideal; neither heaven nor hell could offer more. -But the stone of convention had been undermined; the time could not be -far distant when it must fall. - - * * * * * - -The moonlight was very clear and very beautiful; the cool night air -was heavy with the perfume of the old-fashioned flowers that bloomed -so profusely in the little garden. But in the priest’s little room -the closely drawn curtains shut out all the beauty of the night. -Entirely forgetful of all the world, absolutely oblivious of every -thing but one another, wrapped in the beautiful visions of a love that -far outshone all the splendour of the summer night, the priest and the -little acolyte were together. - -The little lad sat on his knees with his arms closely pressed round -his neck and his golden curls laid against the priest’s close-cut -hair; his white night-shirt contrasting strangely and beautifully with -the dull black of the other’s long cassock. - -There was a step on the road outside—a step drawing nearer and -nearer; a knock at the door. They heard it not; completely absorbed in -each other, intoxicated with the sweetly poisonous draught that is the -gift of love, they sat in silence. But the end had come: the blow had -fallen at last. The door opened, and there before them in the doorway -stood the tall figure of the rector. - -Neither said any thing; only the little boy clung closer to his -beloved, and his eyes grew large with fear. Then the young priest rose -slowly to his feet and put the lad from him. - -“You had better go, Wilfred,” was all he said. - -The two priests stood in silence watching the child as he slipped -through the window, stole across the grass, and vanished into the -opposite cottage. - -Then the two turned and faced each other. - -The young priest sank into his chair and clasped his hands, waiting -for the other to speak. - -“So it has come to this!” he said: “the people were only too right in -what they told me! Ah, God! that such a thing should have happened -here! that it has fallen on me to expose your shame—our shame! that -it is I who must give you up to justice, and see that you suffer the -full penalty of your sin! Have you nothing to say?” - -“Nothing—nothing,” he replied softly. “I cannot ask for pity: I -cannot explain: you would never understand. I do not ask you any -thing for myself, I do not ask you to spare me; but think of the -terrible scandal to our dear Church.” - -“It is better to expose these terrible scandals and see that they are -cured. It is folly to conceal a sore: better show all our shame than -let it fester.” - -“Think of the child.” - -“That was for you to do: you should have thought of him before. What -has his shame to do with me? it was your business. Besides, I would -not spare him if I could: what pity can I feel for such as he——?” - -But the young man had risen, pale to the lips. - -“Hush!” he said in a low voice; “I forbid you to speak of him before -me with any thing but respect”; then softly to himself, “with any -thing but reverence; with any thing but devotion.” - -The other was silent, awed for the moment. Then his anger rose. - -“Dare you speak openly like that? Where is your penitence, your shame? -have you no sense of the horror of your sin?” - -“There is no sin for which I should feel shame,” he answered very -quietly. “God gave me my love for him, and He gave him also his love -for me. Who is there that shall withstand God and the love that is His -gift?” - -“Dare you profane the name by calling such a passion as this ‘love’?” - -“It was love, perfect love: it _is_ perfect love.” - -“I can say no more now; to-morrow all shall be known. Thank God, you -shall pay dearly for all this disgrace,” he added, in a sudden -outburst of wrath. - -“I am sorry you have no mercy;—not that I fear exposure and -punishment for myself. But mercy can seldom be found from a -Christian,” he added, as one that speaks from without. - -The rector turned towards him suddenly, and stretched out his hands. - -“Heaven forgive me my hardness of heart,” he said. “I have been cruel; -I have spoken cruelly in my distress. Ah, can you say nothing to -defend your crime?” - -“No: I do not think I can do any good by that. If I attempted to deny -all guilt, you would only think I lied: though I should prove my -innocence, yet my reputation, my career, my whole future, are ruined -for ever. But will you listen to me for a little? I will tell you a -little about myself.” - -The rector sat down while his curate told him the story of his life, -sitting by the empty grate with his chin resting on his clasped hands. - -“I was at a big public school, as you know. I was always different -from other boys. I never cared much for games. I took little interest -in those things for which boys usually care so much. I was not very -happy in my boyhood, I think. My one ambition was to find the ideal -for which I longed. It has always been thus: I have always had an -indefinite longing for something, a vague something that never quite -took shape, that I could never quite understand. My great desire has -always been to find something that would satisfy me. I was attracted -at once by sin: my whole early life is stained and polluted with the -taint of sin. Sometimes even now I think that there are sins more -beautiful than any thing else in the world. There are vices that are -bound to attract almost irresistibly any one who loves beauty above -every thing. I have always sought for love: again and again I have -been the victim of fits of passionate affection: time after time I -have seemed to have found my ideal at last: the whole object of my -life has been, times without number, to gain the love of some -particular person. Several times my efforts were successful; each time -I woke to find that the success I had obtained was worthless after -all. As I grasped the prize, it lost all its attraction—I no longer -cared for what I had once desired with my whole heart. In vain I -endeavoured to drown the yearnings of my heart with the ordinary -pleasures and vices that usually attract the young. I had to choose a -profession. I became a priest. The whole æsthetic tendency of my soul -was intensely attracted by the wonderful mysteries of Christianity, -the artistic beauty of our services. Ever since my ordination I have -been striving to cheat myself into the belief that peace had come at -last—at last my yearning was satisfied: but all in vain. Unceasingly -I have struggled with the old cravings for excitement, and, above all, -the weary, incessant thirst for a perfect love. I have found, and -still find, an exquisite delight in religion: not in the regular -duties of a religious life, not in the ordinary round of parish -organizations;—against these I chafe incessantly;—no, my delight is -in the æsthetic beauty of the services, the ecstasy of devotion, the -passionate fervour that comes with long fasting and meditation.” - -“Have you found no comfort in prayer?” asked the rector. - -“Comfort?—no. But I have found in prayer pleasure, excitement, almost -a fierce delight of sin.” - -“You should have married. I think that would have saved you.” - -Ronald Heatherington rose to his feet and laid his hand on the -rector’s arm. - -“You do not understand me. I have never been attracted by a woman in -my life. Can you not see that people are different, totally different, -from one another? To think that we are all the same is impossible; -our natures, our temperaments, are utterly unlike. But this is what -people will never see; they found all their opinions on a wrong basis. -How can their deductions be just if their premisses are wrong? One law -laid down by the majority, who happen to be of one disposition, is -only binding on the minority _legally_, not _morally_. What right have -you, or any one, to tell me that such and such a thing is sinful for -me? Oh, why can I not explain to you and force you to see?” and his -grasp tightened on the other’s arm. Then he continued, speaking fast -and earnestly:— - -“For me, with my nature, to have married would have been sinful: it -would have been a crime, a gross immorality, and my conscience would -have revolted.” Then he added, bitterly: “Conscience should be that -divine instinct which bids us seek after that our natural disposition -needs—we have forgotten that; to most of us, to the world, nay, even -to Christians in general, conscience is merely another name for the -cowardice that dreads to offend against convention. Ah, what a cursed -thing convention is! I have committed no moral offence in this matter; -in the sight of God my soul is blameless; but to you and to the world -I am guilty of an abominable crime—abominable, because it is a sin -against convention, forsooth! I met this boy: I loved him as I had -never loved any one or any thing before: I had no need to labour to -win his affection—he was mine by right: he loved me, even as I loved -him, from the first: he was the necessary complement to my soul. How -dare the world presume to judge us? What is convention to us? -Nevertheless, although I really knew that such a love was beautiful -and blameless, although from the bottom of my heart I despised the -narrow judgment of the world, yet for his sake and for the sake of our -Church, I tried at first to resist. I struggled against the -fascination he possessed for me. I would never have gone to him and -asked his love; I would have struggled on till the end: but what could -I do? It was he that came to me, and offered me the wealth of love his -beautiful soul possessed. How could I tell to such a nature as his the -hideous picture the world would paint? Even as you saw him this -evening, he has come to me night by night,—how dare I disturb the -sweet purity of his soul by hinting at the horrible suspicions his -presence might arouse? I knew what I was doing. I have faced the world -and set myself up against it. I have openly scoffed at its dictates. I -do not ask you to sympathize with me, nor do I pray you to stay your -hand. Your eyes are blinded with a mental cataract. You are bound, -bound with those miserable ties that have held you body and soul from -the cradle. You must do what you believe to be your duty. In God’s -eyes we are martyrs, and we shall not shrink even from death in this -struggle against the idolatrous worship of convention.” - -Ronald Heatherington sank into a chair, hiding his face in his hands, -and the rector left the room in silence. - -For some minutes the young priest sat with his face buried in his -hands. Then with a sigh he rose and crept across the garden till he -stood beneath the open window of his darling. - -“Wilfred,” he called very softly. - -The beautiful face, pale and wet with tears, appeared at the window. - -“I want you, my darling; Will you come?” he whispered. - -“Yes, father,” the boy softly answered. - -The priest led him back to his room; then, taking him very gently in -his arms, he tried to warm the cold little feet with his hands. - -“My darling, it is all over.” And he told him as gently as he could -all that lay before them. - -The boy hid his face on his shoulder, crying softly. - -“Can I do nothing for you, dear father?” - -He was silent for a moment. “Yes, you can die for me; you can die with -me.” - -The loving arms were about his neck once more, and the warm, loving -lips were kissing his own. “I will do any thing for you. O father, let -us die together!” - -“Yes, my darling, it is best: we will.” - -Then very quietly and very tenderly he prepared the little fellow for -his death; he heard his last confession and gave him his last -absolution. Then they knelt together, hand in hand, before the -crucifix. - -“Pray for me, my darling.” - -Then together their prayers silently ascended that the dear Lord would -have pity on the priest who had fallen in the terrible battle of -life. There they knelt till midnight, when Ronald took the lad in his -arms and carried him to the little chapel. - -“I will say mass for the repose of our souls,” he said. - -Over his night-shirt the child arrayed himself in his little scarlet -cassock and tiny lace cotta. He covered his naked feet with the -scarlet sanctuary shoes; he lighted the tapers and reverently helped -the priest to vest. Then before they left the vestry the priest took -him in his arms and held him pressed closely to his breast; he stroked -the soft hair and whispered cheeringly to him. The child was weeping -quietly, his slender frame trembling with the sobs he could scarcely -suppress. After a moment the tender embrace soothed him, and he raised -his beautiful mouth to the priest’s. Their lips were pressed together, -and their arms wrapped one another closely. - -“Oh, my darling, my own sweet darling!” the priest whispered tenderly. - -“We shall be together for ever soon; nothing shall separate us now,” -the child said. - -“Yes, it is far better so; far better to be together in death than -apart in life.” - -They knelt before the altar in the silent night, the glimmer of the -tapers lighting up the features of the crucifix with strange -distinctness. Never had the priest’s voice trembled with such -wonderful earnestness, never had the acolyte responded with such -devotion, as at this midnight Mass for the peace of their own -departing souls. - -Just before the consecration the priest took a tiny phial from the -pocket of his cassock, blessed it, and poured the contents into the -chalice. - -When the time came for him to receive from the chalice, he raised it -to his lips, but did not taste of it. - -He administered the sacred wafer to the child, and then he took the -beautiful gold chalice, set with precious stones, in his hand; he -turned towards him; but when he saw the light in the beautiful face -he turned again to the crucifix with a low moan. For one instant his -courage failed him; then he turned to the little fellow again, and -held the chalice to his lips: - -“_The Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, which was shed for thee, -preserve thy body and soul unto everlasting life._” - -Never had the priest beheld such perfect love, such perfect trust, in -those dear eyes as shone from them now; now, as with face raised -upwards he received his death from the loving hands of him that he -loved best in the whole world. - -The instant he had received, Ronald fell on his knees beside him and -drained the chalice to the last drop. He set it down and threw his -arms round the beautiful figure of his dearly loved acolyte. Their -lips met in one last kiss of perfect love, and all was over. - - * * * * * - -When the sun was rising in the heavens it cast one broad ray upon the -altar of the little chapel. The tapers were burning still, scarcely -half-burnt through. The sad-faced figure of the crucifix hung there in -its majestic calm. On the steps of the altar was stretched the long, -ascetic frame of the young priest, robed in the sacred vestments; -close beside him, with his curly head pillowed on the gorgeous -embroideries that covered his breast, lay the beautiful boy in scarlet -and lace. Their arms were round each other; a strange hush lay like a -shroud over all. - -“_And whomever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on -whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder._” - - X. - _June, 1894._ - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Priest And The Acolyte, by John Francis Bloxam - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRIEST AND THE ACOLYTE *** - -***** This file should be named 60229-0.txt or 60229-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/6/0/2/2/60229/ - -Produced by M.K., David Wilson and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was -produced from images made available by the HathiTrust -Digital Library.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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