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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef59822 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #60166 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/60166) diff --git a/old/60166-8.txt b/old/60166-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index ba0ff2e..0000000 --- a/old/60166-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,18208 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Ordeal by Fire, by Marcel Berger, -Translated by Mrs. Cecil Curtis - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: The Ordeal by Fire - By a Sergeant in the French Army - - -Author: Marcel Berger - - - -Release Date: August 24, 2019 [eBook #60166] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ORDEAL BY FIRE*** - - -E-text prepared by Brian Coe, Graeme Mackreth, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/ordealbyfire00bergiala - - - - - -THE ORDEAL BY FIRE - -by - -A Sergeant in the French Army - -MARCEL BERGER - -Translated by Mrs. Cecil Curtis - - - - - - -G.P. Putnam's Sons -New York and London -The Knickerbocker Press -1917 - -Copyright, 1916 -by -G. P. Putnam's Sons - -The Knickerbocker Press, New York - - - - -CONTENTS - - - PART I - - - _BOOK I_ - - _August 1, 1914_ - - CHAPTER PAGE - - I. JEANNINE LANDRY 3 - - II. A YOUNG MAN OF 1914 11 - - III. BELLS 19 - - IV. A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME EVENING 25 - - V. A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW 31 - - - _BOOK II_ - - _August 2nd-3rd_ - - VI. I GO BACK BY TRAIN 40 - - VII. PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT 45 - - VIII. MY FATHER 51 - - IX. MY FRIEND 60 - - X. EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS 66 - - - _BOOK III_ - - _August 4th-9th_ - - XI. THE FIRST STAGE 72 - - XII. NEW COMRADES AND OLD 79 - - XIII. KNOCKS AND CONTACTS 85 - - XIV. THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND 93 - - XV. AT THE GLOBE CAFÉ 103 - - XVI. CAVILLINGS 117 - - XVII. SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION 125 - - XVIII. A RETURN OF EGOISM 131 - - - PART II - - - _BOOK IV_ - - _August 9th-12th_ - - I. UNDER WAY 141 - - II. HARASSED, ALREADY 150 - - III. IN BILLETS 160 - - IV. AN ALARM 170 - - V. A THUNDERBOLT 176 - - - _BOOK V_ - - _August 12th-13th_ - - VI. ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE 184 - - VII. I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE 190 - - VIII. AWAITING OUR CUE 196 - - IX. THE BAPTISM OF FIRE 207 - - X. A MOMENT'S RESPITE 216 - - XI. A MUCH STIFFER MATTER 221 - - XII. WE COLLECT OURSELVES 232 - - - _BOOK VI_ - - _August 14th-25th_ - - XIII. A VICTORIOUS DAWN 239 - - XIV. EN ROUTE AGAIN 250 - - XV. A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY 255 - - XVI. GOOD COMRADES 265 - - XVII. DE VALPIC 272 - - XVIII. DARK HOURS 278 - - XIX. SPINCOURT 288 - - XX. THE WAR BEGINS 296 - - - PART III - - - _BOOK VII_ - - _August 25th-September 2nd_ - - I. IN RETREAT 307 - - II. DARK DAYS 314 - - III. STRENGTH OF MIND 323 - - IV. OH, MY FRIENDS 330 - - V. A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE 337 - - VI. THE POILUS 349 - - VII. SOCIALISM 357 - - VIII. A TEMPTATION 362 - - IX. AT PEACE WITH MYSELF 372 - - - _BOOK VIII_ - - _September 2nd-7th_ - - X. NEWS AT LAST 379 - - XI. THE CATHEDRAL 386 - - XII. PESSIMISM 394 - - XIII. A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER 401 - - XIV. HIGH STRATEGY 410 - - XV. A WORD IN SEASON 419 - - - _BOOK IX_ - - _September 7th-9th_ - - XVI. FINAL ANTICIPATION 433 - - XVII. WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION 441 - - XVIII. THE FIRST IMPACT 447 - - XIX. HOLDING OUT 453 - - XX. WE ARE NOT DEFEATED 460 - - XXI. THE CULMINATION 470 - - XXII. SERENITY 478 - - - PART IV - - - _BOOK X_ - - _Epilogue_ - - I. APPREHENSIONS 485 - - II. RELIEF 494 - - III. A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE 500 - - IV. THE AWAKENING 509 - - V. A GIRL OF 1915 519 - - - - -PART I - - - - -_BOOK I_ - -_August 1, 1914_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -JEANNINE LANDRY - - -I can see myself again on that afternoon walking up and down the -platform of Vallorbe Station. At my side little André, aged twelve, -sailor-collared and bare-legged, besieged me with questions concerning -sport. It was his craze. I did my best to give him the information he -wanted, while waiting impatiently for his people to reappear. - -I had offered to look after the ladies' luggage, but the grandmother -had declined my help with thanks. Jeannine was so capable! These little -jobs amused her. - -The girl came out on to the platform towards us, and wanted to take -back her dressing bag. I refused to allow it. - -Madame Landry joined us. I took her to a seat but she refused to sit -down, she was not tired. I always admired her, slim and alert at over -sixty. - -I had made their acquaintance at the hotel at which we had arrived -together three weeks before. The old lady, who was the widow of an -Inspector of Finances, always began by keeping her distance. The chance -discovery that I was the son of an officer in the army had prejudiced -her in my favour. The Landrys had many connections with the army, and -Colonel Dreher's name was not unknown to them. The grandmother had been -able to prove, by the concurrence of various dates, that my father must -have received his commission at the same time as her own brother, who -had been seriously wounded in the year '70. This was reason enough for -us to become very intimate in a few days. I learnt that Madame Landry -had lost her son, a lieutenant in the Cuirassiers, twelve years before. -He had been killed by a horse's kick and her daughter-in-law had died -in childbirth a few weeks later, whereupon she undertook to bring up -her two grandchildren. - -Jeannine was quite young, eighteen or nineteen, I think--she refused to -tell me her age, just for fun. She was tall and slim, and bright-eyed; -her mouse-coloured hair curled and entangled itself in spite of all she -could do. She had spent two years in England. It must have been there -that she had picked up this rather offhand, or more correctly speaking, -this playful manner, whose manifestations sometimes surprised her -grandmother, though they rarely shocked her. - -I who hold in equal abhorrence insipid or hypo-critical goody-goodies -and brazen coquettes, had been attracted by this frank ingenuity, -this assurance which was quite innocent of all effrontery. Our -friendship had been formed on the tennis court. Jeannine, who was -nimble and skilful and keen, was delighted to find a worthy opponent. -She challenged me anew every morning. She fought obstinately and was -annoyed if I paid her compliments. In the afternoon we went for walks, -chaperoned by Madame Landry, or the little brother, and in the evening -we both enjoyed our interminable discussions on the terrace where -sweet-scented breezes blew. - -The grandmother only put in an occasional word from her arm-chair, -a little way off. Jeannine willingly avoided topical futilities. -Literature, painting, music, or even politics--why not?--the occult -sciences--a fruitful subject of conversation when the mysterious night -is falling--she broached them all quite fearlessly. I have always had -a taste for riding headlong through these preserves of metaphysics -or ethics. Philosophers only venture there too gingerly, unravelling -the thread of a theory. The most delightful recreation is to disport -oneself there as if in conquered territory, to breast at a gallop some -hilltop or other, where one breathes in draughts of pure air, whence -one may cast a bold eye on life. - -Jeannine was not at all apprehensive of these giddy escapades. It was -an intellectual gymnastic, satisfying apparently the same taste for -action and expansion which she showed in the physical sphere. And yet -after one of these flights she used to feel the necessity of drawing -breath and retiring upon some graceful standpoint, in the same way in -which she would make a point of doing her hair and dressing for dinner, -on her return from an expedition. If I tried to lure her on again, she -resisted with a smile. - -"No, now let's talk seriously." - -Then I would see her withdraw into a fortress built of all she -definitely believed and knew, opinions, reveries, and prejudices which, -though she was charmingly logical, she owed to her race and education. -The best of it was that once in refuge there, in full possession of -her truths, the last thing she aimed at was to convert me. I, in my -turn, was obliged to shut myself up behind ramparts; I had some all -ready-made from whence I braved the world. - -Oh! there was nothing very new in it, in this doctrine I had drawn -from my reading and reflections, but I flattered myself that by having -thought it over, I had made it my own private property. It was the -eternal ego. Jeannine protested against it. She claimed that she was -not at all a rebel to the requirements of logic, indeed I recognised -her intellectual courage, her taste for sincerity. She had no religion -to embarrass her, no faith with which she might be tempted to oppose -the claims of her reason. Was she even a Catholic? No, simply a -free-thinker, though she did not boast about it in order not to grieve -her grandmother, who was, by the way, but a lukewarm _dévote_. She -dreamt, however, that pure self-love was not the highest end, that -there were great souls, and lesser ones, that from time to time, a -little of the divine might inspire our dust.... - -Moonshine! I chaffed her: I made fun of all her would-be noble -feelings; I discovered gnawing egoism in them; I raised this dreary -God to a pinnacle. I went further; I was not afraid to unveil for -her sometimes the depths of my nihilism. Dried up and incapable of -experiencing the least emotion, I had adopted the standpoint, I told -her, of considering the universe as a scene, life as a vulgar farce, -denuded of rhythm and spaciousness, where each of us played a part. I -did not envy that of any one else, and mine did not interest me in the -least. - -When I made such confessions Jeannine looked at me in silence; then she -began to laugh: - -"You're making fun of me!" - -I denied it, guilty nevertheless of a smile which belied me. But, in -my inmost conscience, I knew only too well that I had not spoken in -fun. This young dialectician, whom my paradoxes amused, would have been -chilled, revolted, estranged from me for ever, if she had thought that -my courtesy hid nothing but this brutal scepticism, this cowardly lack -of curiosity. - - * * * * * - -The train was late; Madame Landry wished to set me free: - -"The time is getting on ... if you have to go as far as your -cousins'...." - -I naturally replied that I had plenty of time before me. - -"And then you want your papers!" Jeannine insinuated maliciously. - -It is true that I watched for the arrival of the Paris papers every -evening. Simply a matter of habit; so little news concerned me! The -day before, as it happened, the post had brought me nothing. I almost -suspected Jeannine of having laid hands on the mail. In any case, my -vexation and my grumbles had delighted her. - -An absolute child! - -The train still did not arrive. Conversation languished. I started a -subject likely to interest the travellers. They were going to make -a short stay on the shores of Lake Leman, a part which was strange -to them, but which I said they would think they recognised, it bore -so great a resemblance on the whole to the French Riviera, the -neighbourhood of Cannes and Mentone, where they spent the winter. I -told them of a comfortable hotel at Montreux. - -Jeannine seemed preoccupied. - -"We shall miss Ballaigues." - -"She loves this part of the world," said her grandmother. - -"I very much hope we shall be back no later than next week," continued -the girl. - -I teased: - -"One makes up one's mind about that; and then when one is happy -elsewhere...." - -"Must I take my oath on it?" - -"By Jove! That would make me decide to stay." - -I reflected that with her away, Ballaigues would lose much of its -charm. With the exception of Cipollina I had had nothing to do with the -other guests at the hotel, foreigners for the most part. My holiday -was nearly at an end. I did not doubt that at my request my director, -accommodating creature that he was, would make no difficulties about -extending my stay in Switzerland by a fortnight. But if the Landrys did -not.... - -The girl read my thoughts. - -"You know quite well," she said, "that we've arranged to go up the Dent -de Vaulion." - -"It will be the Pendant du Suchet." - -I felt that we were going over the details of the expedition in -silence.... I saw once more our start at midnight--we were quite a -troop with my cousins the de Jougnes;--the formation of a column, the -men waving lamps, the women helping themselves along with ice-axes; -the long ascent enlivened by songs and chatter; we should have gone -astray a hundred times but for the sure instinct of Doctor Claudel, an -old inhabitant of the country; the cows in the fields, awakened by our -torches and our laughter, getting up and making their bells tinkle; -the end of the ascent grown rougher, our shoes, which were unprovided -with nails, slipping on the stony incline; several tumbles; a little -wall skirted and then crossed. And all at once, at our side, the lights -of the canton of Vaud had revealed themselves, at an immense depth, -through a curtain of gloom: they might have been the lights of ships -in the roads, seen from the top of a gigantic cliff. The darkness had -dissipated gradually like a mist. Little by little the horizon had -withdrawn to the boundaries of the world. The pure line of snowy Alps -stood out against the rosy streak of dawn.... A few minutes of waiting, -and Phoebus rose resplendent and expanded, assuming many a bizarre -shape, until, full-blown and triumphant, he deigned to reflect his disk -in the waters of Neufchâtel. - -The picture held me captive. As Jeannine repeated, "In a week's time -... that's agreed, isn't it?" I acquiesced; and then said whimsically: - -"Who knows what may have happened in a week's time! We may be in the -midst of war!" - -"Oh, come, there won't be any more war!" Then suddenly grown serious: - -"You don't believe it, do you?" she went on. - -I affected a certain gravity: - -"Well, really, the papers were horribly pessimistic the day before -yesterday...." - -"Here's the train!" the little boy interrupted. - -The majestic express thundered into the station. It stopped, all the -breaks creaking. The passengers got out in bad tempers, to go to the -custom-house. I had the luck to find places for my party; a priest with -a scared face questioned me in German: - -"Revitziônne," I said. - -"_Ya, ya._" - -He hurled himself into the corridor with his hands full of packages. - -Having settled themselves in, the ladies thanked me. A particular -gentleness distinguished Jeannine's tone; she announced once more that -we should soon meet again; besides, whatever happened, couldn't we -agree to exchange ... post-cards? I vowed myself charmed by the idea, -and took note of a double address at Cape d'Antibes and at St. Mandé. - -It would soon be time to start. I left the carriage and went and leant -on the door where the window had been let down. - -We had no more to say to each other. I wished the train would get under -way. - -Jeannine pulled a roguish face: - -"We are keeping you standing there ... when your papers have just -arrived...." - -I had not time to retort with a joke. She corrected: - -"No, I've teased you enough! I don't want you to have unpleasant -recollections of me...." - -"Don't you worry," I said, smiling; "the recollections are charming." - -The train started off, without a whistle. The girl held out her gloved -hand to me through the window; I seized it; she gave mine a fleeting -squeeze. André waved his hat, Madame Landry bowed. I walked along -beside the carriage for a few yards, and nodded a last farewell. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -A YOUNG MAN OF 1914 - - -"Hello! the Paris papers not come yet?" - -"Just what I was saying to these gentlemen." - -"You don't know when they ought to get here?" - -"We know nothing about it, sir." - -"Have you any left from last night...?" - -The saleswoman looked through the rows. - -"Not a single one, sir." - -I left the station, thinking what a sell! I had hardly gone a hundred -yards before I heard myself called. - -"Halloa there! Signor Dreher!" - -I turned round: - -"Oh! It's you!" - -"I say, pretty bad, the news, what!" - -"Really, let's hear it?" - -"I've just glanced through the _Tribune de Lausanne_. Berlin announces -that war is imminent; Austria is mobilising; they say we're going to do -the same thing." - -"No?" - -I was dumbfounded for a moment; then, "Oh come! You'll see that affairs -will settle themselves yet." - -He shook his head: - -"It's quite true; nobody wants to fight. What about you, would it -convey anything to you to go and get your skin punctured?" - -I shrugged my shoulders: - -"Those are all journalists' tales! As copy is scarce in summer, they -start rumours of tension, of possible rupture, at this season, every -year...." - -"Suppose it should be serious, this time...?" - -"Nonsense! Can you see the French and Germans breaking each other's -heads ... for Serbia?" - -We followed the dusty road, ascending from Ballaigues; then in the high -path to La Ferrière, I persuaded my companion to bear me company on the -way to Jougne. - -Cipollina was the only Frenchman of my age whom I had met at the hotel. -He was a dark-haired youth, slight and elegant, with refined features, -but a crooked nose, a blemish which, according to Jeannine, gave him an -expression of incredible falseness. The ladies had not allowed him to -meddle with them at all; the cold manner in which they had acknowledged -his greetings sometimes made me ill at ease, as I was a friend of his. - -A friend! Well, hardly. But for Laquarrière I had no intimate friend, -and no wish for any; I made use of Cipollina to fill up the intervals -when convention forbade my intruding upon the Landrys. - -His society, moreover, was not devoid of interest. He had travelled so -much, rubbed up against so many people, seen so many things. Having -entered, at the age of fourteen, a big silk firm managed by one of -his uncles, whose counting houses were to be found all over the -world, he had been successively a sojourner in very varied latitudes, -from Colombo to Boston, from Rio Janeiro to Yokohama. An intelligent -observer, he owed to his wanderings and to his early contact with the -different races of merchants, a dry and caustic turn of mind not unakin -to my own. Thence sprang our speedy understanding, which resembled real -harmony, without either of us feeling much liking or esteem for the -other. As cynics we agreed in our scornful verdicts on others and on -ourselves. I must say that he did not flatter himself that he was in -any way an intellectual. Each time I sketched some generalisation, or -laid the foundations of a system, he escaped me, sneering: - -"Oh, that's literature." - -Then, irritated, I inwardly dubbed him a "counter-jumper." - -"Have you been to see the Landrys off?" he asked abruptly. - -"Yes." - -"Shall you see them again in Paris?" - -"Before that perhaps. They expect to come back here." - -"I thought you were going to leave?" - -"I don't know now. That will depend!" - -He gave a little laugh which annoyed me. - -"Oh, so things are getting on?" - -"What's getting on?" - -"Your schemes." - -"What schemes?" - -"To do with the girl of course." - -I did not deign to seem vexed, and put on a joking tone. - -"My dear fellow, after all I've said to you on that subject!" - -"It's possible to change one's mind." - -"No. It would never even enter my head to change my mind about that." - -I summed up, in a few words, one of my favourite theses: marriage in -our state of civilisation is an absurdity; it would be ridiculous to -chain oneself for the rest of one's life to a woman--and such a woman, -a girl, a creature still in germ, who had revealed nothing of her -secret. It would certainly need an artlessness to which I was no longer -susceptible, or a faculty for enthusiasm still more extinct in me. -Each time a friend told me of his happy engagement I gazed at him in -astonishment as at a being fallen from another planet. I concluded: - -"This little Landry girl is right enough to flirt with in the holidays! -She's not displeasing or stupid, but I beg you to believe that there is -nothing, and never will be anything between us...." - -Had I convinced him? He continued after a moment's silence. - -"They say ... she's well off!" - -"That doesn't tempt me either." - -He protested: - -"My dear chap, you're very much like the rest of the world!" - -I shrugged my shoulders and assured him that I was perfectly happy. - -"No ambitions?" - -"None." - -At his look of unbelief I set myself to sing the praises of the -dilettante's life I was leading. Some question he asked led me to go -into certain details to illustrate the way in which everything had -always gone well with me. - -I had not drifted for long when my legal studies were over. An old -family friend, the manager of the Abyssinian Railway Company, had asked -me to become his private secretary. I accepted the post. Another had -soon fallen vacant, that of General Secretary. Suggested as a stop-gap, -I had acquitted myself to everyone's satisfaction. I was good at -interviewing visitors, and wrote with a certain amount of style. My -appointment was confirmed. The business was a sound one, when the time -for exploitation came, it would be excellent. I had put some capital -into it. I had not much work, only four hours a day to put in. I earned -ample to live on. What more could I have wished for? - -Cipollina slyly urged me to enumerate what he called my positive joys. -I demurred, none too good-naturedly. - -"We have so few tastes in common." - -But, privately, I invoked my customary amusements: dinner in a -restaurant on the boulevards, where I used to meet Laquarrière: it -was there that we exchanged our stock of ill-natured sallies: then -there would be bridge, poker, or billiards: and often a theatre, -though it did not appeal to us much; from time to time a boxing match, -or on Sunday, in the Parc des Princés, a sensational football tie. -These last shows held the most interest for me. They reminded me of -the still recent time when I myself excelled in these games, and I -still continued, though somewhat irregularly, to frequent a school of -physical culture. - -I had scratched sentiment out of my life once and for all. Paris -offers an inexhaustible fund of sensual attractions to those possessed -of time and money. I had both, but I dreaded nothing so much as -being tied to one person, and as I also detested the flat period of -preliminary gallantries, I came to content myself with a wise and banal -voluptuousness. More restricted still was the balance-sheet of family -obligations and satisfactions. I would not have missed dining with my -father on Sunday evening. At long intervals I wrote a few lines on a -card to my married brother, an officer at St. Mihiel. - -I have spoken of my dilettantism: the word gratified my vanity and -was just, in the main, as certain artistic tendencies distinguished -me from the herd of vulgar pleasure-seekers. I read a great deal. I -bought novels and philosophies, and had a weakness for pretty editions. -I made a point of being well up in matters concerning painting and -music. I owned some admirable eighteenth-century prints, a small series -by Daumier, an oil-painting by Pissarro. I vaguely cherished the hope -of making a sort of collection of which my friends would one day be -jealous. That was all. I might ransack my mind indefinitely but I -should not find a possibility of joy beyond these few instances. - -Oh! this reckoning. I had made it so often, anxious to ascertain what -I loved, and what I was worth. I generally congratulated myself on -the fact that an equal balance was maintained between the desires and -pleasures. Why did everything taste so flat to-day, I thought. What -beauty is incarnate to me? What virtue worthy of existence? What was I -good for? Might I not have been eliminated without loss to others or -even to myself? - -This impression did not last long. I smiled. What was I worrying -about? To proclaim oneself happy was to be happy. I could do it. I -was never anything but an object of envy. A doubt crossed my mind, -however. Certain moralists, I thought, consider life bearable only -when supported by some passion. I only know of two: Love? With all her -train of folly and suffering. Her victims are spoken of more than all -else. Real good fortune to be emancipated from it. Ambition? Is not -this insatiable by its very nature? There are so few chief parts, and -all great destinies go hand-in-hand with an assurance which I lacked -... and then, did I not appreciate the highest pinnacle of fortune at -its paltry worth! Did not true wisdom lie in admitting that one is -nothing but a man lost in the mass of men, to order one's life so as to -glide in peace through this indifferent term, lacking a morrow; without -cherishing a thousand longings above one's state, or naïvely spurring -oneself to sterile enthusiasms? - -I pondered over these familiar reflections for my comfort. To my -surprise the shadow of melancholy which had hovered over my head did -not dissipate so easily. I had difficulty in picturing to myself -without bitterness and fatigue my life to come, similar to millions -of others, void of deep sorrows as of sublime joys, this dreary life -which in ten years or in forty would end in solitude, sickness, and -suffering, in the clutches of that cursed enemy, Boredom, whose first -treacherous onslaught I thought I could feel.... - -We had just crossed the frontier, and were skirting some meagre -plantations of firs hanging to the ridge. My companion had begun to -talk to me of Japan: he never allowed himself to be carried away by -his enthusiasm but he admired this warlike and trading nation, at last -recovered after the necessary trial, gifted with a colossal power of -expansion, and who, one of these days would take Indo-China from us at -a move. He added: - -"My dear fellow, the prestige of France in the Far East has declined -to such an extent that in order to do business we have to pose as an -English firm. Out there I called myself Smith." - -I noted this detail with interest as a sign of our decadence. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -BELLS - - -Now on our left at the bottom of the widened valley lay La Ferrière, -grouped coquettishly round the tall chimney of a factory, whence -escaped slowly-swelling volumes of smoke; the slender Jougninaz -meandered ribbon-like among the grasses, slipping towards the -neighbouring Orbe. On the side of the opposite slope, often lost to -view in the zone of bushes and brushwood, the railway and the winding -road, embracing each rocky contour, descended from the summit of the -Col. Up above, the huge grey wall of the Mont d'Or rose in a peak, -whose ridges stood out clearly against a pale blue sky, a scarcely -perceptible cross marked the crest of the mountain. In olden days -Mandrin and his bands used to come back into France by night by giddy -pathways along this rampart; any one who stumbled was fair game for the -wolves at the bottom. - -Midday had been roasting; but the height, and the approach of evening, -brought coolness; not a trace of mist on the mountain tops; everything -was quietness and purity. - -The road had just taken a turn. Jougne came into view, a vision which -always enchanted me: the houses in the village, brand new, dazzlingly -white, or a light vermilion, contrasted with the stalwart old grey -church overhanging a high fortress. One imagined that the place must -have been unparalleled in the command afforded over the only two big -valleys which for ten miles round cut through the rugged chain of the -Jura. - -Cipollina suddenly stood still and put his hand on my shoulder: - -"Just listen!" - -Straining my ears in the direction of the village, I listened intently. - -"Well! What's up?" I said. "The bells?" - -"Yes, the bells.... What are they ringing for there?" - -A gentle breeze had got up, and bore with it the call of the bronze; -it was a sinister throbbing, hurried and unequal; I had a feeling that -there was neither a peal of joy bells, nor the dismal tolling of the -knell. We went on for a few steps. Now, more powerful and sonorous, -with three jerky notes repeated at short intervals, the wild peal of -alarm filled all the valley. - -"The tocsin!" said Cipollina. - -"Well?" - -"When do they ring the tocsin?" - -"In case of fire, I suppose." - -"Do you see any trace of fire?" - -With the same circular glance, we took in our surroundings. - -Two miles of verdant valley, lay unfolded before us; not a puff of -smoke, save the column of the factory, and the steam from a descending -train. - -Cipollina muttered: - -"Don't they also sound the tocsin in case of ... mobilisation?" - -"Oh! Steady on!" - -"What do we know about it!" he exclaimed. - -There was a short silence, then I said: - -"We shall find out at Jougne. Are you coming?" - -"No, I'm going back." - -"Aren't you curious about it?" - -"I've no reason for going down there." - -I looked him in the face. He met my gaze quite comfortably; but the -twist in his nose struck me. - -"Well, then, till we meet again!" I said to him. - -"You'll come back to the hotel this evening?" - -"Why ... of course." - -"Yes, of course." - - * * * * * - -While hurrying towards Jougne, I tried to recall as much as I could -the events of the last few days. It was not much. A month ago, at the -beginning of my holidays, there had been the Grand Duke Ferdinand's -assassination; it seemed a tragic incident and nothing more. A famous -law-suit had diverted attention from it. Last Saturday, a sensational -coup; a startling awakening: Austria's ultimatum to Serbia couched in -terms very different from the usual courtesy shown in diplomatic notes. -Relaxation had come during the following days, at least as far as I -could see. The small State was giving in; councils of prudence from St. -Petersburg had, without doubt, been received at Belgrade; everything -seemed to be going to calm down; though the decision was to be referred -to the arbitration of the Great Powers. But since, since!... How stupid -it was that my papers should have failed me just these two days! -To-day's not arriving! In seventy-two hours the world moves! What had -Cipollina said? The whole of Europe in arms! A fact more novel than -alarming. I suddenly brought to mind certain articles with pessimistic -undercurrents. Certain coincidences occurred to me: the campaign for -armaments, that belonged to last week; like the socialistic call to -make a stand against war ... and the Government away! And England's -difficulties! Supposing that, having considered all this "_They_" had -judged the moment propitious? - -No. I smothered my agitation. We had come through so many of these -critical times: Algeciras, Agadir, Saverne, Lunéville, Nancy.... The -little Landry girl was right, we should have no more war, it was too -terrible, too risky! - -The bells had stopped ringing their tumultuous peal, I attributed to -their silence the virtue of an appeasement. I even smiled. I mocked at -my fears. Oh, come now! The War, the Great War! Would it be likely to -break out in such a way! - -I had reached the bottom of the valley. On my way I leaned over the -Jougninaz, which had dwindled. It was the trout season! I would suggest -a little fishing to my cousin one of these days. - -I thoughtlessly began to climb the sudden rise of the mountain. When I -had reached the summit in a perspiration, I threw a friendly glance, -by way of greeting, at the Aiguillon de Baume, and on the right at -the bald summit of the Suchet, which we had reached the other night. -I stopped to breathe for a moment. I should have smoothed my hair, -and wiped the dust off my forehead if I had known I was to meet my -pretty cousin Germaine, at her people's house, but she had rejoined her -husband, a captain at Belfort, not long before. - -A few minutes later I passed through the railings. There was no one in -the shade of the elders. I crossed the courtyard, and began to climb -the stairs. - -My cousin's silhouette appeared on the landing above. - -"Who's there? Is it you, Michel?" - -"How are you?" I cried gaily. - -"Have you heard?" she called to me. - -"Heard what?" - -"War is declared." - -"No!" - -A mist enfolded me. I managed to get up to the top by holding on to the -banisters. On the landing I said mechanically: - -"What? what did you say?" - -She pushed me into the drawing-room. - -"Go in, go in. Your cousin will tell you all about it." - -Left alone for a minute I considered the well-known furniture in a -dazed way; the piano with the open score of Rigoletto, the arm-chairs -in loose covers, the two big couches, the two greenish screens ... I -sought a new aspect of it all; I childishly reminded myself that I must -remember that the things were in a like state when war was declared. - -My cousin, the doctor, a sturdy mountaineer, tall and highly coloured, -came in and quietly held out his hand to me. - -"Well, there we are!" he said. - -I got nothing but a few concise particulars out of him; ever since the -morning they had realised that things were going from bad to worse, -the "Pontissalien" usually so guarded ended its leading article by a -very clearly stated warning that we must be prepared for anything. Our -frontier had been violated, communications cut off. Our custom-house -officers at Petit-Croix had been shot at last night. Negotiations had -continued, however. As a matter of fact the official telegram, which -had arrived on the stroke of five o'clock contained only the seven -words: - - "Sunday. August 2nd. - First day of Mobilisation." - -"What do you say to going to the Town Hall?" suggested the doctor. - -I agreed, as meekly as one intoxicated. We went out. We had only a step -or two to go. - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME EVENING - - -The telegram from the Prefecture was posted up at the door. It was -still daylight, I lingered to gaze at it. My cousin took me by the arm. - -"I say, come along in." - -There was no one there but Alfred Lecomte, the town clerk, a still -youthful peasant of a thoughtful cast of countenance, and in a corner, -the deputy mayor, an infirm old man who kept in the background. - -"Well, what the deuce are you doing, Alfred?" said the doctor. - -The other had got up, his pen behind his ear. - -"Good heavens, man!" continued my cousin, "can't you realise that -there's anything to be done?" - -"What should there be?" - -"What should there be? You must send word first to La Ferrière and -Tarins!" - -Lecomte tossed his head: "Send word! That would mean a nice lot of -running about! They've had the bells rung: it is up to the people to -come and find out what it is about." - -My cousin began to get angry: - -"You idiot, Alfred. How do you imagine they'll suspect anything of the -kind! You must send Machurot to them." - -He was the local policeman. - -"He'll be having a drink." - -"At Tronquière's?" - -"Probably." - -A boy, who stuck his nose in, was sent to look for him. My cousin -undertook to draw up the proclamation destined for the neighbouring -populace. - -He dashed it down without any scratchings out, and gave it to me to run -through. - -"Excellent!" I exclaimed. - -Somewhat pretentious, it had a great effect on Alfred and the old -deputy. The boy brought Machurot back, and it was put into his hands. - -The old dog was as drunk as a pig, but he declaimed it, all the same, -head-in-air, scanning all the syllables but breathing out of time. They -traced a detailed route on the paper, for him, and let him loose in the -growing dusk. - -The news had spread. Peasants began to come for information on their -way home from the fields. They arrived with lagging footsteps. - -"It's true we're going to fight?" - -"Rather!" - -Alfred took them to see the telegram, lit up now by a lantern. - -"Just look at that and see if it's nonsense!" - -"When do we leave?" - -"That depends. You've only got to look at your record book." - -Those who had gone on to get it at home, pulled it out, opened it, and -consulted the number. - -"The third day," they read; or "the second"; territorials, "the -eleventh." - -"You'll get there too late, old chap!" - -The upshot was that each one seemed overjoyed or heart-broken, -according to whether he would have time to get his hay in or not. - -Very few remarks; and anyhow not a single grumble. My cousin, who -forced himself to keep up his cheery tone, met with no echo. He could -only drag a few disconnected sentences out of the broken-down old -deputy. - -The visitors did not linger, but soon turned on their heels, their -wooden pipes in their mouths. - -Lecomte bustled and fussed, full of the importance of his part. As -for me I took part in it all as the stranger I was, and incapable of -realising the tragic element afloat in the air. - -When the doctor wanted to go in, I urged him to take a turn with me -through the village streets. I expected at last to come upon some -unexpected, and unusual demonstration ... the evening of mobilisation! -The great evening, by Jove! I was disillusioned, we met no one in the -poorly lit streets. In the little schoolyard the teacher's son was -making figures of eight on his bicycle; further on through an open -window, we saw a lot of farm hands sitting round a table, limp and -taciturn, gorging themselves with soup. And the usual frequenters of -Tronquière's "pub" were sipping their _verre de verte_ in silence. - -My cousin did not rise much in answer to my short sentences. However, -when I asked him: - -"Are they patriotic about here?" - -"Very," he assured me. "You'll soon see!" - -I objected diffidently. - -"At first sight...." - -"Well?" - -"There's rather a lack of enthusiasm." - -"Enthusiasm? It was not wanting in the year '70! They didn't know then -what a real war was. They've learnt. In '71 in January, we saw what was -left of Bourbaki's army pass by, dying of hunger and cold in the snow. -We know what beaten men are, and that we must not be of their number. -They aren't going out of light-heartedness, but they'll go on till -death!" - - * * * * * - -My place was laid. We dined. The doctor was grave and silent, and I -feeble and dull. My cousin was the only one to talk, and she overflowed -with lukewarm lamentations. What bad-luck that Geneviève should have -gone back to Belfort just a week before. Would she be able to come back? - -I reassured her by saying that women and children would certainly be -ejected. But her son-in-law, the Captain? His fate did not seem to -worry her much. I remarked that he was in the first line, much exposed. - -"Of course!" she sighed. "Hadn't I told them often enough to try not to -stay in the East!" - -The doctor interposed, declaring that it was the most honourable -position for a soldier. Julien would most certainly not complain! - -He added, turning to me: - -"Your brother runs an even greater risk!" - -My brother Victor! I felt rather ashamed of not having thought of -him! A lieutenant in the infantry at St. Mihiel, ten miles from the -frontier. Hadn't I heard that he could be mobilised in three quarters -of an hour? This detail which I put before them, drew forth shrieks -from my cousin. I tried to picture Victor as parted from his wife -and his little children, perhaps since this afternoon, perhaps for -the last few days, to go towards the dark unknown.... Seated at this -table, in front of an appetising dish of morels, I had difficulty in -convincing myself of the grim reality. - -In order to rouse myself, I declared: - -"In three days, it will be my turn." - -"To do what?" asked my cousin. - -"Rejoin my regiment, of course!" - -"What! Are you going too?" - -She had a dazed look. The doctor shrugged his shoulders. - -"Of course he's going! At the age of twenty-seven! My dear Mathilde, -you don't seem to have any idea...." - -She acknowledged frankly that she did indeed understand nothing.... -But when I had told her again that in three days' time I was going to -report myself at F----, whence I should be sent to fight, she seemed -thunder-struck, poor soul! I should never have suspected her of being -so fond of me; she had known me ever since I was quite tiny, and I -was the son of her poor lost Blanche, one of her own people, a blood -relation, and dearer to her than her son-in-law, I could see ... she -began to bewail herself, cursing the relentless fate against our -family. The doctor had to cut it short, a little sharply: - -"Look here, don't discourage the boy!" - -I was not displeased when she stopped talking; too much attention -always worried me; moreover it occurred to me--a false, but unpleasant -impression--that I was making an unfair appeal to her compassion. - -During dessert, while my uncle was uncorking a bottle of wine, I -studied the railway-guide. The 6:50 train ought to get me to Paris at -four o'clock, but the time-tables would probably all be upset. It -would be wiser to be at the station from six o'clock onwards, and to -wait. - -My cousin sympathised: - -"You'll have to be up very early." - -We drank to the health of our relations with much feeling; examining -myself stealthily in a looking-glass, I decided--I was a little -heated--that I already had a martial air about me. - -"Are you a corporal, anyhow?" the doctor asked me. - -"Sergeant." - -Half-past eight struck, I got up. - -"Oh! how I should like to pack for you!" said my cousin. - -We embraced. They entrusted me with many friendly messages for my -father, whom they had not seen for ten years, and went with me as far -as the railings, where the last farewells were said. - -As I went away, I heard the doctor murmur: - -"The beginning of the bad times." - -And my cousin: - -"Poor boy!" - -These words bore me company. I thought involuntarily that in this -separation from people who loved me, and perhaps the only ones who -loved me, there must be something deep and heart-rending, of which I -was still unconscious, but which one day would fill me with emotion. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW - - -I clambered down the side of the mountain, and then walked quickly -along the road to Ballaigues. The night was serene. A dog was howling -in the valley, a harsh bark which sufficed to hold my attention. - -It was only when I had got back on to Swiss territory that I thought of -the risk I had run of being arrested as a deserter. - -I had cut through the woods. Dead branches cracked under my feet. I -crushed a glow worm. At last I made out the hotel lights. My heart -bounded when I reached it, I don't know what I expected. - -There was nobody in the corner of the terrace where we generally -gossiped, the Landrys and I. I bowed to the old Portuguese ladies -who were enjoying the evening air. From the hall I saw the English -installed phlegmatically at their poker table in the smoking-room. A -solemn and inscrutable waiter passed me, carrying a tea tray. Nothing -abnormal struck me. I wondered whether they knew. - -I went down on to the terrace again. A silhouette rose from the -shadows. By the light of his cigar, I recognised Cipollina. - -"Well!" he called to me, "what do you say to that?" - -"I can't believe it yet!" - -In so saying I ingeniously betrayed my dominant feeling. - -He offered me a cigarette, and said quickly: - -"Shall we take a turn?" - -I was going to agree to doing so when I suddenly thought of my -preparations; and I was seized with the vain idea of guarding against -future fatigue. - -"Thanks," I said, "I've got my packing to do. What about you?" - -I understood him to say he had finished. I continued: - -"Are you going by my train?" - -"What train?" - -"The 6:50, if it still exists. The Paris Express." - -He was silent. - -"Are you going to rejoin soon?" - -He shook his head abruptly and exclaimed: - -"Not I!" - -I looked at him; I understood. He went on in an aggressive tone: - -"You won't catch me going to be knocked on the head, when I've the luck -to be out of it! And you, are you itching for it, Dreher?" - -"Yes, I'm going back," I said. - -"Well, well! And I thought you so emancipated!" He went on ironically. -He only had one skin, and he meant to stick to it; he hadn't the -slightest desire to fight for Serbia, as I was saying just now.... -No, it was astounding! A nice mess our diplomatists must have made of -it!... All the more so since, as we suspected nothing, we naturally -were not ready! And so it meant catastrophe!... We were going to get a -licking! - -He ended by taking me by the arm: - -"Come along and have a smoke and then we can chat." - -"No," I said decidedly. "I'm going up again." - -"In that case, my dear fellow, good-bye." - -"_Au revoir._" - -"Oh! there's not much chance of our ever meeting again!" - -Was it the effect of these banal remarks? Hardly had I regained my room -and gone to lean my elbows on the rail of the balcony than I felt as if -crushed by the revelation I had witnessed during the last three hours. - -A formidable adventure was in the making and my part as a finite being -was to consider it as a spectator. The things I was saying just now, -without attaching any definite meaning to them appeared to me clothed -suddenly in their imperious significance: Yes, in three days I should -be at F----, in four my rifle and my outfit would have been handed over -to me, shortly afterwards I should be entrained.... Here the vision -lost its clearness; only a few concise pictures rose from a sombre -haze: marches and counter marches, the bleeding feet, the exhaustion, -the cold, the filthy promiscuousness, nothing to eat; and then one -day the battle; not an entertaining engagement like those during -manoeuvres, interrupted towards 11 A.M. by the bugle call, but the -grim struggle, glued to the ground advancing foot by foot, day after -day and night after night, against an invisible opponent, desperate, -superior in discipline and in numbers, armed with frightful machines -... the whistle of the bullet, the explosion of the shells ...! And one -morning, in some hole or corner, an obscure and crushing death. - -Presentiments were unknown to me: I suddenly believed in them. I saw -myself killed, it was all over and done with my career as a man, this -life I had been pleased to order so ingenuously. The horror of the -annihilation so near at hand suffocated me. - -I breathed the scented night air like a drowning man. At my feet was -the dark terrace, a servant had just cut off the electricity. I heard -the gravel crunching beneath a footstep. A shadow ascended the steps. -It must be Cipollina. - -His words echoed in my ears, his "Not much!" I was suddenly seized with -fury against him--the coward!--a fury which was almost immediately -turned against myself. Was it not his conduct that was logical. He -refused to sacrifice himself. He coldly applied his Doctrine, our -Doctrine, of calm selfishness. I fumed to see this shopkeeper, this -table d'hôte philosopher, superior in practical wisdom to myself, when -I had ruminated my system for so long, and looked at it from every -point of view. - -Why did I not imitate him? I upbraided myself harshly on my lack of -rational courage. For since I was the enemy of sentimental chimeras!... -What could I believe in? Nothing, nothing! Duty, Honour, the Ideal? -They were so many hollow sounds to me. Patriotism? No word was more -foreign to me. I too was a Citizen of the World! The chauvinism of -my father, a native of Lorraine, and an old soldier, seemed to me -out-of-date, an ill-omened and ridiculous passion; in that, as in -everything else, I was so little his son. As far back as I could -remember, I had never espoused his craze for war and revenge. In -former days when we used to spend our holidays at Eberménil, some -miles from the frontier, nothing irritated me so much when quite a -child, as to feel how immovable the people were in their wild enmity -against their neighbour. They never opened their mouths without making -insolent or dangerous remarks; they never dreamt, it appeared, except -of bringing back a cursed year. Why this rancour? As if it ought not to -have satisfied them to continue to be Frenchmen themselves? What did -it matter to them that their brothers from the neighbouring villages -should have changed their name. Were the former more unhappy than the -latter? My handbooks of history were full of exchanges of this kind, -carried out without any one rebelling against them. - -Grown older, I had only strengthened, by reasoning, my instinctive -indifference in regard to the fate of the Lost Provinces. I had -gone one better; what a high doctrine, I thought, was that of -Internationalism! And convenient, too. I should have declared myself -its adherent quite openly, but for my systematic slackness, my fear -of committing myself. The result was that I took an interest in those -theories which denied that there was any meaning in the term Fatherland. - -I happened to find in them the subject for some daring developments, -with which during even the last few days, I had taken a delight in -upsetting Jeannine Landry's convictions. - -Germany, especially, inspired me with no enmity; on the contrary, I had -a weakness for the genius of her philosophers and musicians. Two years -ago I had travelled in the country, and had stayed at Iéna for three -weeks with one of my friends, a lecturer at the university. We had -wandered together in the Thuringian forests, and slept, rolled in our -cloaks, at the top of the Schnee-Kopf. How could one fail to be won -over by those glorious surroundings. As for the men over there ... I -had pleasant recollections of a few merry shooting friends, one named -Kroemer among others. If they had not appealed to me as a whole, did -any one by any chance imagine that I cherished the slightest sympathy -for the millions of beings--ugly, vain, and unintelligent--who made -up the great majority of the nation which was mine by birth. In Paris -it was true that, within a restricted circle, I experienced certain -satisfactions which I should hardly have relished anywhere else. But, -when finally analysed, even these delights did not amount to very much! -They comprised the one real benefit which I owed to my position as a -Frenchman. In order to assure the continuation of this advantage--and -what, after all, did it amount to--it was agreed that I should -sacrifice my one irretrievable treasure, my life. - -You can see with what a decision I seemed to be faced, but oddly enough -my revolt continued to be purely theoretical and abstract. Not for -an instant did it seem to me possible or within my power to take the -line simply of ignoring the fact that my country was mobilising. I saw -myself as the conscious victim of a superior fatality; I knew that I -should take the 6:50 train next day, that I should be at the Chanzy -barracks before ten o'clock on Tuesday! - -But that did not prevent me from cursing at fate. Tired of grumbling -at myself, I consigned to perdition the instigators of the war. Spite -blinded me; I kept on revolving most bitter, and I must admit, most -unjust reflections. Yes, as Cipollina had said; what an accumulation -of mistakes! For a long while back. It was all very well to say that -Germany wanted war; was preparing for it! During the last few years -perhaps. But had there not been a time when she had made advances to -us? We had always refused to make friends, and had kept our eyes fixed -stolidly on the Frankfort Treaty in which we pretended to see the one -and only source of all our ills. - -Our policy, of late, had become more captious. There had been a series -of clumsy manifestos, an awakening, which one could not shut one's eyes -to, of the old swashbuckling, nationalistic, and chauvinistic spirit. -What countless occurrences, speeches, and articles had gone towards -the making of a dangerous state of exaltation. Anything rather than a -humiliating peace! Anything? That meant war. Oh well, they'd got it. -They'd soon see! - -What exasperated me more than anything was to think of all those who -had done or allowed everything to be done, the ministers, ambassadors, -and delegates who in history would bear a part, however insignificant, -in the terrible responsibility. They were all, or nearly all, over the -age limit; they need have no fear for their skins; it was the others, -me and men of my generation, the youth between twenty and thirty years -of age, whom, with high-flown words and light hearts, they would send -to the slaughter! - - * * * * * - -But it was necessary to pack. I fulfilled this task with such -mechanical precision that it calmed me. When I had finished I went out -on to the balcony again in my shirt sleeves. - -A crescent moon had just risen. A green mountain-side opposite me, -at the other side of the cutting which terminated, I imagined, in -the ravaged gorges of the Orbe, was bathed in her light. Vaguely -phosphorescent fields lay soaked in a milky whiteness. Spreading brown -forests quivered softly. Half-way up fires were shining, the factory -and station at Brassus. I admired the bold sweep and the contour of -the Dent de Vaulion on the right. Farther on in the distance a series -of mountain ridges, forming a circle, were indicated, bluish and pale -beneath the halo. - -My brow was cooling again. In the contemplation of this veiled and -unreal scene my thoughts insensibly freed themselves of sinister -obsessions. - -What made me call to mind a very insignificant incident in this day -fertile in shocks, that moment on the road when I had passed in review -the joys for which I lived? The obscure feeling of distress which had -made me stop talking recaptured me. I again experienced the sensation -that everything was dismal, but at the same time was there not -something which might be called an unexpected hope rising within me? -What hope? I caught it, and questioned it. Was it not of new days when -I should perhaps shake myself free of the torpor where I languished? - -Halloa! I jeered. Was I too lending a hand in the resurrection of the -warlike instinct legitimate in the son of the soldier who was in the -charge at Rezônville, in the grandson of the man who had commanded a -regiment at Magenta? No, no: I acquitted myself of that; such wild -intoxication was quite alien to me. The most I might admit was that my -eyes were fixed on the future with a greater interest, that curiosity -made my resignation easier. - -I let my imagination run away with me. Turning successively towards the -two horizons, I imagined I saw, beyond the mountains, the vastness of -the two hostile territories where since to-night so many forces were -being lavished in the elaboration of the battles where they would -devour each other to-morrow; a gigantic sheaf of hatred and lust, but -also of devotion and heroism which had just burst into flame! - -Midnight struck. My exaltation dwindled; at all events, I was not -sorry, I thought, to have been equal to the emergency if only for a -moment. - -I went down to give the hall-porter orders to wake me at five o'clock, -he was to have my bill ready, and I should expect a cab to be there for -my luggage. In crossing the lounge I came upon the three Englishmen who -were leaving the card-room. We had never exchanged a word, or a nod; I -thought them ignorant of our language. I was going straight past them, -when the one who was walking in front, a big, fair man, who looked an -athlete in his smoking-jacket, stopped right in front of me. - -"Good luck to your country, sir," he said. - -"Thank you." - -I mechanically held out my hand, which he shook hard. - -His two companions did likewise. - -I went upstairs again, feeling rather touched. Up there my scepticism -got the upper hand again. I thought. - -Will they stick to us, I wonder. - -An amusing idea occurred to me, of sending a post-card to the little -Landry girl to tell her of the incident. I took up a pen, but while -doing so it struck me that the girl would not see anything very funny -about it. Sentimentalise ... no thanks! I scrawled a few lines for her -without mentioning the occurrence. - - - - -_BOOK II_ - -_August 2nd-3rd_ - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -I GO BACK BY TRAIN - - -It is easy to imagine the influx of Frenchmen, hurrying in from -ten miles round, at Vallorbes station that morning, the second of -August; the procession of omnibuses, the piles of trunks, the pack of -distracted families overrunning the waiting-rooms, crowding round the -ticket offices, demanding directions and details which no one could -possibly have given them. - -The express, which turned up at the usual time, was taken by storm. -When would it get to Paris? They would guarantee nothing as to that. - -I had the luck to find myself a place as eighth in a second-class -carriage. Opposite me two old maids never stopped talking, in a -whisper, probably about everything on earth but the news of the day. A -_bourgeois_ couple with a crew of sulky children argued for hours about -opening the windows. - -There was a minute inspection of the baggage at the Pontarlier -custom-house. Nothing occurred. We got back into the train. The speed -was fast until Dôle; there we slowed down noticeably. - -There was a long stop at Dijon. The station already seemed to be under -military occupation. Very few civilians on the platforms, but behind -the gates, the murmur of a crowd come for news, kept back by sentries -with fixed bayonets. - -The news-seller, despoiled of her wares, was hawking round nothing but -some illustrated comic and sporting papers; I bought two or three from -her, but did not read them. - -We left Dijon towards eleven o'clock. From there onwards, mad rushes, -sudden stoppages, and breathless progress, alternated. - -Laroche at last. - -There, the Paris papers had just arrived. We threw ourselves upon them. -I managed to get one. I was surrounded at once. People squashed up -against me to get at least a glimpse of the stop-press and headlines. -I was not very accommodating about exhibiting my paper, and I soon -succeeded in shaking them off, and getting back to my carriage. - -The train started off again. - -Standing up in the corridor, I admit that I read and re-read the -leading article without skipping a single line. - -I expected a good leader and was not disappointed. I relished the -indispensable paragraph on the past and future of France, on the sacred -union in face of the enemy. - -My neighbour nudged me with his elbow. - -"Oh! Isn't it just what everyone is thinking?" - -"Yes, yes." - -Exact information was what I really thirsted for. I remember two -headlines: "_To-morrow?_" and "_A Day at the Quai d'Orsay_." In a -prominent position the President's Proclamation. The article was a -success: the obvious thing to say. "Mobilisation is not war." But -there was no mistaking it; the spark had caught, the fire was already -crackling. - -I learnt the news of the preceding days, including the assassination of -Jaurès, merely from allusions--to me they were so many claps of thunder! - -One main point stood out: Germany's declaration of war on Russia. Like -a shot France was dragged in, automatically. A well-laid scheme on -the part of the Wilhelmstrasse. The odious article from the _Cologne -Gazette_ which was reproduced everywhere had been a final eye-opener. - -One amusing detail: Hervé asking to be allowed to go! Another rather -shocked me: Telegrams from various places on "the Enthusiasm in the -Provinces...." I had just come from the provinces! - -I had finished reading. It was evident that my neighbour was dying -to talk. Feeling charitably disposed I gave him an opening. In five -minutes I had learnt all there was to know about his antecedents, his -family, and his profession. He had passed his legal examinations, -taking the degree of licentiate, and was the son of a lawyer. He was -coming back from Autun, the home of his maternal grandfather. What -times we were living through, sir! The day before when the official -telegram had arrived, ah, what enthusiasm there had been; I ought to -have seen the factory hands rushing out shouting: "To the front!" - -"You saw them then?" - -"Oh no, I didn't!" - -He had read this description in the _Mémorial d'Autun_. - -He asked me childish questions about our chances, and the schemes at -headquarters. - -I sententiously put forward the idea of an offensive in Alsace. He -jumped at it. - -"To take the offensive. Yes, yes. That was the only thing to be done." - -He had not many brains. It did not take him three minutes to regain the -Lost Provinces. - -He confided in me that he too was a non-commissioned officer in the -reserves, attached to the 74th Rouens. He was to rejoin the next -day. He asked my name, and gave me his address. He offered me his -friendship as a brother-in-arms. I was tempted to be touched by the -thought that here was one of the young men of my own age, who would -fight, and perhaps fall, at my side on the plains of Lorraine. But my -scepticism and coldness offered too strong a resistance, and when I -heard him exclaim: "If we've got to be killed, we've got to be, and -that's all about it!" my indignation was aroused. Sincere! He was -sincere enough; a puppet who came near to being a hero! There were such -beings, incapable of reasoning for themselves, always ready to set out -to fight for never mind which side. Yesterday for the Church. To-day -for the State. To-morrow for some social chimera. If it had only been -themselves they disposed of!... But they were in the majority, it was -they who oppressed us. - -Much irritated, I wickedly said to myself: "Let him sell his life -cheaply! It certainly isn't worth much!" - -I escaped from him and gained a distant door, whither he did not follow -me. - -Our journey was drawing to an end. The train had put on speed. With -shrieks of pride and whirling smoke and sparks, our powerful engine -dragged us towards the City, the huge magnet which, at this time was -rallying so many friendly forces. The intoxication of this attraction -made itself felt twenty kilometres away. The six-fold rails gleamed in -the sun on the sand embankments. We thundered along, without slackening -our speed, through the suburb stations, whose names were slurred by our -haste. Crowds of people huddled together on the platforms, gazed at us -in respectful silence. Maisons-Alfort, Charenton. We went ahead of ten -trains which were crawling along the side lines, and speeding up their -connecting-rods in vain. Smoke darkened the air. We passed by high -houses, grimy with soot, whose windows, where the washing was put out -to dry overhung our cutting. Then came the metallic crash of the double -bridge flung across the rivers where they join,--the moat outside the -walls--Paris! We were in Paris! - -I was thrilled with excitement. Capital of the civilised world, head -of a great nation at war! From here had leaped out the old call -to arms! Leaning out, I tried to distinguish beyond the line of -railway-carriages, sidings and signal-boxes, in the streets skirting -the line, in the avenues we crossed on heavy iron bridges, the -residents, and passers-by, all those who had just lived through such -rousing hours here. - -I was impatient to mingle with them. - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT - - -Rue d'Assas. My _concierge_ came out when she heard the taxi draw up. - -"We were expecting you, Mr. Dreher; I was sayin' as much to my 'usband, -only a minute ago." - -The man himself appeared. In his capacity as handyman he hoisted my -heavy trunk on to his shoulder, as if it were a plaything. - -"And when may you be going, Mr. Dreher?" - -"The day after to-morrow, and what about you?" - -"A week on Wednesday." - -"So there we are!" I said. - -"There we are! as you say, sir. It was bound to finish like this." - -My char-woman had had the happy inspiration of coming to do some -cleaning that morning, so I found my flat in order and well aired. -Having made a hasty toilet, I thought of various important errands. - -I had kept my taxi, luckily for me as the motor-omnibuses were no -longer running. - -It was five o'clock. I went to the Rue des Beaux-Arts first. My father -was not at home, so I left word with the old parlour-maid that I would -be there for dinner that evening. - -Many wants led me to a big shop. Nothing safer I thought than to buy -one's outfit oneself. I was lucky enough to find what I wanted quickly, -even in the boot line, where a crowd of people were being fitted. - -Having finished my shopping, I called to my chauffeur: - -"Rue du Helder!" - -At the head office of the "Abyssinian Railway Company" my director -welcomed me with open arms: - -"My dear fellow! You're going? Oh, I thought as much! Rather rough on -us! Duroty is going too. The best men, of course! I wonder whether we -shan't have to shut up shop." - -"And out there? How's the work getting on there?" - -"Oh, well ... it's just got to go on. The workmen are natives. The -engineers are the trouble.... Of course I ought to have had more sense -and taken Englishmen!" - -I went straight from there to the bank. It was shut. They were not -seeing any one. Luckily Forgues, my stockbroker, hooked me as I was -parleying in the waiting-room, and made me come in. - -He seemed to have collapsed completely; there must be bad news, I could -drag nothing out of him, as he sat there in his moleskin arm-chair, -but vague allusions, and an estimate, which was by the way entirely -incorrect, of the financial resources of the two parties concerned. -Germany had no reserve of gold. If we could hold out for two or three -months! - -"Are you going to fight?" I asked. - -"Oh, no, no! Since the Agadir business, you know, ... my wife's one -idea has been to get me put on half-pay. I thought it awful rot, but as -my heart is a bit weak ... my doctor has given me a certificate; I've -been to see a surgeon-major; no difficulties were made about it.... -And by Jove it's lucky for me now!... And what about you? You're not -going, I suppose." - -"I beg your pardon!" - -He seemed surprised. He had just seen several of his clients--Well, I -was the first.... - -Feeling irritated, I cut him short with: "Can you let me have a certain -sum on account?" - -"Oh, but there's the moratorium...." - -Somewhat embarrassed, he entered into explanations which I listened to -with raised eyebrows: - -"To an old client like myself!" - -After renewed hesitation, he made up his mind: "Well, let's see, would -you need a large sum?" - -"No, let's say forty pounds." - -"Not more than that?" - -"A little gold, if possible." - -I had had time, in two hours, to notice how scarce the yellow metal was. - -Forgues raised his hands: That was impossible, quite impossible! I -wouldn't get it anywhere! Nobody would part with it! - -I persisted. He was a good sort at the bottom! Was it my (unique!!!) -position as a man about to be mobilised, which melted him? He ended by -handing over fifteen louis to me. - -I thanked him warmly and we shook hands. - -"And mind you don't get killed!" - -He spoke of it lightly. My gratitude ceased promptly. - -I suddenly bore him a desperate grudge for having coolly evaded the -great blood tax. - -I put in an hour, dawdling about. I bought an evening paper. There -was nothing startling in it unless it was M. de Schoen's last visit -to the Quai d'Orsay, but not even the most inveterate optimists could -any longer suggest that there was the faintest glimmer of hope. One -article signed "A Military Attaché" interested me. It was a study -on the probable forced attack, dear to the German heart, through -Belgium, towards the source of the Oise. It explained how the enemy, if -successful in getting so far, would be only ten days' march from Paris. - -I walked on absent-mindedly, crumpling the paper in my hand. Ten days' -march. It looked rather as if they were preparing the public for -what was to come! We had so little protection, it was true, against -the danger which threatened to swoop down upon us from the North. -Was the City destined, a few weeks hence, to undergo the horrors and -humiliation of a new siege? How quickly my mind was overwhelmed by -baleful visions born of the Fatal Year. - -I pulled myself up. Steady on! We were only just beginning. - -Never mind! The resemblance between yesterday and to-day obtruded -itself upon my mind. A comparison which ought to have been all in -favour of the present. There had been no lack of speeches and articles -extolling the revival of our energies for some years past. Was it -real or imaginary? What an opportunity it was to audit that? Not in -connection with myself. I deliberately set myself aside. But in the -great bulk of people; it was on them that our fate hung. - -Well, I was only partially reassured on this point. - -I think I should have preferred to see a tide of humanity sweeping -along the avenues as in July of the year '70; to a rasping -accompaniment of "Berlin!! To Berlin!" - -Cheek, of course, but heroic cheek, and proof of the warmness of their -hearts. - -While to-day! People were wandering about, plenty of them, it's true, -standing in front of the posters, theatres, and picture palaces, -thronging the open-air cafés, but you might have thought they had come -out on this summer evening solely for the sake of enjoying a breath -of the mild air. They talked quietly among themselves as they walked -up and down, or read the papers with an air of distrustful wisdom, -perfectly well aware that they were not being told everything. One -might have imagined oneself back in the days of the floods of 1910, -when the Parisian public would learn with apparent indifference that -such and such a quarter of their city was threatened with extinction. - -An irritating attitude in a crowd, at a time when--now or never--it -should have been moved, uplifted, carried away by great inspirations. -Who would believe that I asked myself in all seriousness if France must -be despaired of, if our country had not come to such a pass that there -was nothing to be done but to strike her off the map of Europe, the -victim as Hellas was of yore, of her excess of philosophy...? This idea -was distasteful to me.... But still! If there was nothing to be done -but to resign ourselves! We should go and start life again elsewhere, -in some free country like America.... Those who got out alive! I still -hoped to be among them. - -The thought also crossed my mind that we were taking part in a renewal -of the hardy and unassuming, the gay and tranquil qualities, which -were the attributes of our race.... We had not always been the most -highly-strung people of the world; during the forty years of peace we -had recaptured our gifts; peace-lovers by nature and only entering the -lists under provocation, and in our own defence, perhaps we were to -astonish the universe anew by our valiance. - -Why not? The hypothesis appealed to my sense of vanity. Oh well, we -should see, we should see! - -Should I have retained any misgivings if my walk had led me to the -outskirts of the Gare de L'Est, where the people of Paris were -beginning to set such a sublime example of steadfastness, and dignity? - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -MY FATHER - - -Seven o'clock struck. I did not forget that I was dining in the Rue des -Beaux-Arts, and hurried towards the left bank of the river. On the way -I wondered what had dictated this visit? Was it filial affection? Not -at all. I was simply acting in accordance with a banal convention. - -My father had never taken any interest in me, even when quite tiny. As -my health, which was poor at that time, had prevented his thinking me -fit to be made into a soldier, I had been practically non-existent in -his eyes. Victor, my elder by two years, was everything to him. He had -him educated at La Flêche, though it cost him a lot, in order to steep -him, from his childhood, in military ideal and discipline. - -It is the dream of all fathers to be continued in their sons. Colonel -Dreher only wished to live over again in the hope of Revenge. I have -already said that he fought like a demon in the year '70. When a young -subaltern in the Guards, he had been in the charge at St. Privat, had -had his horse killed under him, and had got a bullet through his arm. -Captured at Metz, and taken on into Westphalia, he had found a way of -escaping, of reaching Holland, and of rallying Faidherbe's army in -time to get a splinter of shell in his thigh at Bapaume. The news -of the armistice had found him in hospital, that of the treaty had -disgusted him. He who burned to go on fighting, who felt no fatigue! -The renunciation of the two Provinces had been a bitter blow, and the -counter-blows more bitter still. - -As a Lorrain of Lunéville, he had quite a number of near relations in -the neighbourhood of Sarrebourg, many of whom had not the courage to -ruin themselves by throwing their lot in with their true fatherland. -These people were dead for him, needless to say. But these repeated -misfortunes had done not a little to contribute to the growing gloom -of his character. He had rejoined his regiment and had been quartered -successively at Joigny, Moulins, and Rouen where he had married, and -lastly at Tours, where most of my childhood was spent. Decorated -for distinguished service in the field, a superb leader of men, he -would have been made a general but for his obstinate, though discreet -opposition to a government timorous enough to put up with such peace -terms. - -My mother, the one person I might really have loved, had died just as -I attained my fourteenth birthday. I had finished growing up under the -paternal tutelage. For a long time I succeeded in persuading myself -that the Colonel felt heaven knows what secret fondness for me. Then -with the audacity of youth, intoxicated by the first lucid glance I had -cast on life, I admitted to myself that I had been duped. I was of very -little account in this old man's eyes. Let him content himself with my -deference, as I did with his correction! - -There was no intimacy between us. As I grew up, our relations came to -be stamped with rather a cold courtesy, like that between strangers -thrown together by chance, for the space of a voyage. My father never -asked me about my ambitions, once only about my immediate prospects; it -was after I had taken my second degree. He neither approved nor found -fault with my intentions. - -Having been placed on the retired list just at this point he came to -live in Paris. I never knew if it was to facilitate my studies. - -Three years went by, then my year of military service. On leaving the -regiment I felt the need of a separate establishment. No objections -were raised. My share of my mother's fortune already enabled me to -support myself, and my post in the Abyssinian Railway Company soon -brought me affluence. I dined with my father every Sunday, as I said -before. We exchanged opinions on the events of the week, without in any -way committing ourselves. He gave me news of Victor's household. - -On leaving St. Cyr, my brother, having chosen to go into the Colonial -infantry, had been sent to Rochefort to await his commission; and then -he went and fell in love with a girl he met at the "Cercle Militaire" -ball. At the request of her family, he had obtained leave to exchange -into the home forces. He had got married. My father had not blamed him -in the least for giving up a life of warlike adventure. - -Full of his one idea, the old soldier preferred to see his son on the -frontier ready for the day, which he always hoped was close at hand, -when war would break out. - -My brother! To think that when we were brought up together, before he -left for La Flêche, we were fond of each other!... Little by little -had come detachment and loss of affection.... To-day we were strangers -to each other. Our intercourse was confined to the exchange of a few -post cards at New Year and Easter. My sister-in-law, Geneviève, a -pleasant, insignificant little creature, had been friendly to me at -the beginning; I had spent three days with them at St. Mihiel not long -ago, at her request. I was bored to tears. In future it would be quite -enough for me to see them during the short stays they made in the Rue -des Beaux-Arts, twice a year. I went when invited. My father seemed to -have grown young again. He cheered up and chatted, and played with his -grandchildren whom he was mad about. He adored his daughter-in-law too, -and paid her endless little attentions. It caused me no embarrassment -or jealousy to be present during these effusions. - - * * * * * - -My father got up from his chair and came to meet me. He was drawn up to -his full height. His face beamed as I had expected. - -"You're pleased?" I said. - -"Yes. Oh, yes. I had given up all hope of seeing this!" - -The soup was brought in. I urged him to talk. He did not wait to be -asked twice. He had a good word for several of our politicians--an -astounding thing for him!--for the abettors of the "_loi de 3 ans_," -for the President of the Republic, for the President of the Council. -This mobilisation order was a good answer to the German measures! Tit -for tat! The rogues, we had our eye on them! Hour by hour we knew all -they were plotting and planning!... My father declared that he had gone -over completely to the Government. At such a time all differences must -be sunk. It struck me that he had gleaned these doctrines from his -newspaper. I admired the eternal authority of commonplaces. I suddenly -saw him searching his pockets. He had received a letter from St. Mihiel -this morning, as on every morning since the outbreak of the crisis. He -handed it to me. - -"It's from Geneviève." - -"Has Victor gone?" - -"He went four days ago." - -Mobilisation had not been expected over there. It was on Thursday, -the 30th, in the middle of the night that Geneviève, standing at her -window, her head framed by those of her two little children, had seen -her husband march away proudly, with raised sword, at the head of -his company. This vision intoxicated my father. It did not leave me -indifferent. And, like him, I approved of the steadfast, confident tone -of the young wife's letter. As to leaving St. Mihiel, she wrote, such a -thought had never entered their heads! - -"She's quite right," said my father; "the Prussians will never get -there; they'll soon be sent back again. You know we've already got -seven hundred thousand men on the frontier." - -He added: - -"And Victor in the first line." - -His first-born, the re-incarnation of his imperious youth! The old -man's bellicose imagination rode along at his side. He explained to -me how, since the other day, he followed him hour by hour; he saw -him, having taken up his position on a spur of Mont-Secq, watching -the Woevre where the cavalry would soon be engaged. Though not very -familiar with the topography of this region, I understood the rôle -assigned to the covering forces, to hold on at all costs, in front of -the Côtes de Meuse even if attacked by forces ten times superior in -number, while the concentration went on behind the hills. - -"A dangerous task, that!" - -"Yes," said my father. "Most of them will stay there." - -I examined him, furtively; his massive Lorrain's head, the ruddy face -beneath the white hair, the square jaw, the nose with a heavy, decided -bridge. Sturdy and tall like an old oak, his only complaint at the age -of sixty-seven was an occasional attack of rheumatism. I might have -been gazing at the portrait of some ancestor. Was he not indeed an -anachronism in our century. Taciturn and reserved, but upright, frank, -and sound all through, the hero of an exclusive faith, of a single hate -and a single love, he treated with scorn all human contingencies in the -exaltation of his passion. It is true that he loved my brother as much -as if he had been his only son. And yet if he were to go and get killed -in one of the first engagements, I could foresee that the old man would -weep, gnawing at his grey moustache, but in this sorrow he would taste -the joy of sacrifice. If France were victorious he would consider -success cheap at the price. Oh! how complete was the contrast between -us, I thought. I supple, and of medium height, owing the triumph over -my constitutional delicacy only to the tardy pursuit of sports. I, -smiling and polite as a matter of form, but a cynic and dissembler; I -who believed in nothing, loved and hated nothing! - -Led away by a natural inclination, he conjured up his recollections of -the other war: deeds of courage and cruelty, stories breathing blood -and powder, all ending in violence and murder. It woke him up and -enraptured him to breathe the fumes of the slaughters of yesterday and -to-day. - -My demeanour and head tossings seemed to encourage him. Oh! if only he -could have read my thoughts. If he had guessed my detestation of all -fighting. My horror of physical suffering, the only true suffering in -my eyes, my longing for repose even without honour, my indifference -respecting my threatened country, the wish which I caught myself -forming--I had got as far as that!--to see our mobilisation hindered, -or even prevented altogether, the red flag hoisted, and our defeat -proclaimed before I had run any risk! - -My father, happily, had neither the taste nor the gift for probing -people's minds. His beliefs dazzled him with such shining proof that -he could not understand any one challenging them. He could not have -attributed thoughts like mine to any one but the scum of the nation, -degenerates, debased by sloth, vice, and alcohol. Strange that I should -be of his blood. - -The pudding was served. Mélanie handed round a chestnut cream. My -father led the conversation back to Victor. I discerned the great -longing in the old man's heart to see his son--the apple of his -eye--again, and to do him honour. - -"He won't be long now before he gets his company." - -I had never taken umbrage at the paternal solicitude. Why should -I suddenly to-day consider as strange an affection so much out of -proportion...? You might have thought my brother was the only one who -was going to risk his life.... And what about me? I ventured to draw -attention to the fact. - -"You'll be only in the second line." - -"I beg your pardon! Our division is attached to the 4th Corps on the -active list." - -"When do you rejoin?" - -"The day after to-morrow." - -Then he deigned to ask me certain questions, this one among others: - -"How about your foot-gear?" - -I explained that the regulation boots hurt me. - -"That's a pity! A man with sensitive feet never makes a good soldier." - -He went on: - -"You'll remember you're a Lorrain!" - -But at that I came near to shaking my head. A Lorrain? Never. More -likely of the other race, my mother's. Or more likely still, of none -at all. There were too many strains in me; none of them succeeded in -getting the upper hand. I was the nameless product of concluding epochs. - -Time was getting on. I excused myself from staying late, and no efforts -were made to keep me. - -"You'll be busy to-morrow?" - -"All day long, unfortunately." - -"But still I'll try to look in to say good-bye" I added, "but I daren't -make any promises." - -I had quite made up my mind to do nothing of the sort. - -"Come and dine if you can." - -I had got as far as the hall. Mélanie turned on the light for us. - -I thought, as I buttoned my gloves, how well adapted the situation -would have been for the stage. The son leaving for the Front. The great -Farewell scene. Even a second-rate actor could have drawn tears from -the public in it.... I, as actor and spectator combined, experienced -not the faintest trace of emotion. Nor, to a certainty, did my father. -So much the better! In that case we were sure to escape being -ridiculous. Why did it again occur to me that if it had been Victor...? - -"Well, good-bye, Father." I said. - -"Good-bye, Michel." - -He held out his broad wrinkled hand to me. To my surprise, it was -shaking. - -I had opened the door part way, and was on the point of going out, when -he drew me back. I suddenly saw his face, with its white beard, bending -over me. He kissed me. It was, I think, the first time for ten years. - -"Fight well!" - -"I promise you I will." - -I went quickly down the steps feeling quite staggered. Hardly had I -reached the bottom, when I recovered myself. I asked myself, mockingly, -whether I had not been affected by the traditional emotion? - -A little, I admitted. - -But I had the decency not to scoff at it openly. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -MY FRIEND - - -My char-woman woke me by bringing me the papers, which I read in bed. - -To think that it had not come yet! It was true that all intercourse -had been broken off between Berlin and St. Petersburg, and even on our -frontier there had already been some deaths, the Samain brothers and -the Curé de Moineville. Provocations and outrages were multiplying and -increasing in severity. Our forces nevertheless were still kept back -two miles from the frontier. M. de Schoën was still about. They were -talking! - -The papers did not cover more than a page now, and were quickly read. -They all contained the same incoherent _communiqués_ and the rare -telegrams which were allowed by the censor (already!) to trickle -through. - -Details in plenty on the manifestations in Paris and in the provinces. -The same old story! In one of them there was a technical article headed -"The Defence of Nancy." This title interested me. I, like most other -people, felt so certain that this town was doomed; at the mercy of the -first masterly move. - -What baffled me was the placid, docile attitude of my friends the -socialists. How little one heard of them! It was true that the censor -... but never mind! Jaurès, as he was dying, had left them the order -to go on, and they were going on. Closed ranks and obedience and -confidence were the orders of the day. Arguments were left for another -time! and on my honour, it was very fine! - -My purchases of the preceding day were delivered. I asked the boy who -brought them, if he was going to fight. - -"Of course!" - -He was a cheery soul. He liked the idea of knocking the Bosches on the -head; he had no great opinion of them chaps. And then besides that, it -was worth takin' a bit o' trouble to get a breath of fresh air, for -him whose week had been spent in running errands, and his Sundays as -assistant in a picture palace, for how long...? Blowed if it wasn't -five blooming years--yes, ever since he was a nipper of seventeen--he'd -never set eyes on the country.... - -Were there many like that, I wondered. - -When I tried on my boots they seemed to me to squeeze me. Was there a -pad in the heel? I put in my hand but brought nothing out. I should -have to squash the counter to make it more pliable. - -No business called me out-of-doors. My list of errands had been -exhausted the day before. What friend should I go to see? They would -all be running about the town in the excitement and emotion of -departures and farewells. I would go and dine with Laquarrière this -evening, that would be enough for me. I had made up my mind that the -streets would look just as commonplace as they had yesterday, and I -should get all the information I wanted from the newspapers. - -I stayed quietly at home, looking through my papers and reading over -some old letters. The idea of making my will occurred to me.... But, -when once I was gone, what would it matter to me? - -My friends in the regiment would have laughed if they had known to what -I had been tempted to consecrate my day, ever since I woke up. I went -and fished up a book in a grey cover from the bottom of my book-case; -my old _Handbook for Non-Commissioned Officers_. - -I had not opened the book since the beginning of my military service, -not even when I had been put in command of a section. It was quite -possible, to-day, in view of the deficiency of officers, that I should -be given a commission. - -So I lunched at home. I got through almost the whole of the book; -for instance the "Section in Action," and "Field Operations," -"Alimentation," and "Hygiene," such chapters as I agreed with in letter -and in spirit. But with what disdain did I skip everything concerning -peace time or even garrison duty. - -Towards evening, somebody rang the bell: Laquarrière. - -I greeted him with, "A good idea, old fellow! I was coming round to say -good-bye." - -"Oh yes, of course. You're off!" he said. - -He had escaped his military service, thanks to being slightly -short-sighted, and to the fact that he could demand a good deal of -interest. - -He was my only intimate. We had never been parted during our school -days at the _lycèe_ at Tours. We had come up to Paris in the same year -to begin our legal studies. The Bar had attracted him; he seemed -to be going to succeed there; he had been accepted when still quite -young as secretary to the "Conférence." We met almost every evening; -we dined and then idled together; our tastes agreed. Together we had -forged a philosophy, drawn from various sources, which fulfilled -all our requirements. How completely our ideas harmonised in our -wholesale scorn for people and things, and for ourselves, our hatred of -appearances and of Sentiment! We were candid, almost to the point of -brutality, in our dealings with each other. Courtesy and consideration -were well enough for fools. I took a delight in the thought that our -surly bearing towards each other hid a firm friendship. - -"You stay here, I suppose! Your usual luck!" - -He found nothing to say to me but: - -"Bah! Some will come back, after all!" - -"To think," I continued, "that in a fortnight I may be under fire!" - -"Yes. I can see you at it!" - -"How do you think I shall get on?" - -"Not brilliantly!" - -"What do you know about it?" - -"I know you." - -I protested; - -"That's idiotic! I'm sure there's a special grace given to uphold you!" - -He conceded: - -"That's true enough. One must be utterly dazed and allow oneself to be -driven, without knowing what one is doing or where one is going." - -This opinion shocked me. - -"You exaggerate! I admit that may be so for the soldiers, wretched -beasts of burden, ... but when once you are an N.C.O., and have -responsibility of some kind...." - -"One more chance of losing your head." - -I denied it. I, for instance, absorbed by the anxiety of leading my -men, was sure partially to forget the danger.... - -"Bah! Once there, morale is the only thing that counts." - -"Well?" - -"You won't get me to believe...." - -I hesitated, then I said: - -"After all. If I am going to fight, it only depended on me ... I was in -Switzerland...." - -He sneered: - -"No humbugging! You came back for reasons which had nothing at all -to do with patriotism! Simply because if you had not done so, your -position, your cash, and your little mode of living, would all have -gone overboard at one fell blow." - -His words reminded me of the vague hopes which had suggested themselves -to me two days before. - -"Listen! I certainly won't hide from you the fact that I envy you. I -should be delighted to stay under shelter like you. And yet ... shall -I own up to a certain kind of curiosity? War? This War. The greatest -of all! It seems to me that it's worth experiencing. What an amazing -opportunity for accumulating memories, and also of refreshing oneself, -of drawing near to nature!" - -He exploded. Good Heavens! Did I think it would have the faintest -interest for me! Was not the peculiarity of modern campaign a terrible -tedium? You never see the enemy. You spend days in shovelling ground -about. The operations are on such a vast scale that the majors and -colonels themselves often do not follow them in the least. - -"And you're counting on it for distraction and refreshment. Poor old -chap! It would have been well worth making yourself scarce. Well, -you're in for it now. What do you want? Regeneration by war! Back -to the land! I'm quite content! If you consider that your life was -becoming too monotonous, go and amuse yourself by getting a piece of -shrapnel into you, over yonder towards Epinal! That will wake you up a -bit!" - -He had beaten me. I contented myself with assuming a jeering -expression, in order to let him think I had been pulling his leg. - - - - -CHAPTER X - -EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS - - -It was time to go and dine. I bought a paper directly we got out. -Laquarrière exclaimed: - -"What thirst for news!" - -"I admit it." - -"And you expect to find it in the papers!" - -It was a fact that I searched in vain for any definite news concerning -the serious military and diplomatic situations. Always the same -system of brief, touched-up telegrams. One would so much have liked -to be certain of England's attitude. However, the theory of Italian -neutrality seemed to be confirmed; one good point! - -"What will the flying machines do?" I asked suddenly. - -The subject interested me. I had visions of raids and fantastic combats -_à la_ Wells. - -"Nothing at all!" Laquarrière broke in. "They haven't a ghost of a -chance against Zeppelins." - -He embarked on the praises of these Dreadnoughts of the air, one of -which had gone two thousand kilometres without a stop, a few months -before. - -"I shouldn't be surprised to see them over Paris to-night!" - -I tossed my head. He continued: - -"Besides, as regards aeroplanes, you mustn't imagine that we're in -any way superior to them in that line. They've beaten all our records -lately, distance and height." - -It was only one detail among many. He did not hide from me the fact -that he had an extremely poor opinion of our state of preparation. -Cipollina's tone and mistrust were repeated in him. I ventured to -remark: - -"Our troops in the East are tip-top." - -He shrugged his shoulders. - -"Perhaps, but you are hardly up to the same form." - -What could one say without losing one's temper, a thing I was not in -the least anxious to do. - - * * * * * - -After leaving the restaurant, we took a turn on the boulevards, where -the increasing crowd was gathering. Lost in the streams of people, -alternately bumped into or elbowed, it was impossible to keep up a -connected conversation. So much the better. I was quite willing to -forget the presence of my companion. - -I was haunted by the thought that it was my last evening of liberty -...; after to-morrow my uniform would impose upon me the strictest -restraint. I was making use of the final respite. I inhaled without -displeasure the dusty air laden with the smells of acetylene gas and -human emanations. - -A lot of the shop windows had their shutters up and looked dismal, -and looking up one could make out insolent German inscriptions. Angry -_bourgeois_ muttered as they passed, clenching their fists. People -were talking of nothing but the hasty dismissals of the day before. -The other shops flaunted their dazzling electric lights. The luminous -sky-signs, intermittent and hallucinating, unrolled flamboyant zigzags -and blazing coils. An unreal scene, well suited to the agitation of -the hour! Soon it would be quenched and blotted out and dismal.... -Paris was lavishing her final brilliance. What gaps were to be made by -to-morrow's call in this multitude promenading their quivering city -with such pride! I tried to read his secret on the face of each man of -an eligible age for military service. Was he going to rejoin? and I -felt inclined to shout to him: - -"I'm going, you know; I'm one of you!" - -My glance rested approvingly on the sturdy-looking fellows whose -martial air under their _képis_ I could well imagine. With their heads -held high and their hands behind their backs, most of them looked about -them with a superlatively good-natured expression, quite innocent of -swagger. - -Laquarrière shouted down my ear: - -"You all look as if you were starting out for a day's shooting!" - -Oh! so I looked like the rest? Well, I was not sorry for it! - -My companion persuaded me to finish up the evening in a music hall. - -The place was full. Lots of people were treating themselves to an -evening's amusement before the coming horrors. There was a sketch, -followed by several acrobatic turns. The audience was enthusiastic. But -I was struck, nevertheless, by the coldness with which "the eccentric" -Fergusson, usually the idol of the public, was received. - -Laquarrière enlightened me by remarking: - -"That will teach England to buck up a bit!" - -We laughed together over the childishness of crowds, for this -"eccentric" said to be a Londoner, had perhaps been born at Javel. The -three Alkenkirch brothers, the Dresden tight-rope walkers, had also -disappeared from the programme. - -Laquarrière whispered: - -"They would have been torn to pieces! Just look at the brutes." - -I had to echo him, but I thought to myself that if ever there had been -a time when Chauvinism was excusable.... - -The show came to an end. There was not the usual rush for the doors -when the curtain fell on the final scene of the little _revue_. - -"The best part is still to come!" whispered my companion. - -A murmur ran through the crowd, and swelled into "_La Marseillaise! La -Marseillaise!_" - -Laquarrière nudged me with his elbow. - -"Now we're off!" - -He assured me that the orchestra had had orders to delay striking up in -order to give the audience time to work itself up. - -True enough the uproar was increasing. The audience were on their feet, -waving their sticks, and violently demanding: - -"_La Marseillaise!_" - -Laquarrière called my attention to the courtesans in the promenade, -who, delighting in an evening which promised to be fruitful, stood on -tiptoe leaning on the arms of their chance-met companions, and stamping -and shouting: "_La Marseillaise!_" - -The conductor's bâton gave three short taps. On the sudden abatement -of the tumult, rose the superb rhythm of the opening notes,--a virile -introduction. - -All the men had bared their heads simultaneously. - -No; not all. - -"Hats off!" shouted someone behind us. - -For whom was the order meant? For Laquarrière, I could see. He shrugged -his shoulders to show that it pleased him to thwart such a fool. But -the moment was ill-chosen. Other voices, already grown threatening, -repeated: - -"Hats off! Hats off!" - -He gave way, smiling scornfully. - -The orchestra excelled themselves. At the opening of the refrain the -general attention was caught and held by the imperative call of the -repeated high note, and the feelings of the audience carried away by -the well-marked rhythm of the melody. A warlike jollity was abroad. I -swear I had a momentary vision of risen troops hurling themselves in -serried ranks against the hostile masses. I shivered. I was entering -into communion with the multitude.... - -Laquarrière leant towards me and made some remark which I did not -catch, but which I had to acknowledge with a smile.... My trance was -over, I listened untroubled to the crash of the brasses, as it grew -in intensity and rose headlong to the heights, to die away in wild -flourishes. Then from two thousand throats there rose a clamour which -rolled like thunder round the roof. A new thrill ran through me; I was -just going to shout ... when Laquarrière seized me by the arm. - -"Let's be off!" - -"Nice patriots!" he mocked; "all these fine fellows who came to gaze at -a pretty pair of legs." - -That restored things to their proper proportions. - -"But what about you? It shook you up a bit, eh?" - -I denied it obstinately. - -He walked back with me. We talked of nothing but the most ordinary -things on the way. I was preoccupied, almost melted. Why?... good -heavens! because in a few minutes I was going to part from the only -friend of my childhood, from the only fellow being who really knew -me.... - -Should we ever see each other again? - -In spite of my instinctive horror of any display of feeling, I could -not help imagining that some heartfelt word would pass between us, some -brotherly embrace draw us closer to each other ... and the prospect -moved me. - -Laquarrière soon settled the matter. - -When we got to my door, he stopped suddenly and held out his hand -saying: - -"Well, so long, old chap! Hope your pack will weigh lightly on you!" - -It just hit the nail on the head. - -"So long, old chap!" I repeated. - -He went off, swinging his stick. - -Oh well, it was quite natural! We were nothing to each other. Nobody -was anything to any one.... What idle fancies I had woven! - - - - -_BOOK III_ - -_August 4th-9th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -THE FIRST STAGE - - -Montparnasse station--cold and grey on this dull August morning. -Groups of people, each setting out with its escort, might be seen -streaming in from all the neighbouring turnings towards the square -which the last tooting trams were crossing. They formed but one swarm, -scattered and renewed without ceasing. There was nothing like these -huge quivering masses, the preoccupation of all Paris, magnificent in -their emotion and courage, who succeeded each other at the Gare de -L'Est. Poor women, young and old looking almost equally faded, were -carrying old handkerchiefs containing the possessions of their husbands -and sons,--working-men in broad belts. Beside them, fathers wearing -decorations and beautifully dressed mothers and sisters surrounded -young _bourgeois_ dragging heavy kit-bags. All these people were -holding back their tears and smiling, saying that they would see each -other again! - -As for me, I was alone. I was leaving nothing behind me. So much the -better; I was glad of it. I was starting on the great adventure, with -an entirely open mind, in the rôle of an on-looker. - -The two staircases were barricaded. Only one entrance was open, -reserved for soldiers carrying their railway warrants in their hands. -I followed the stream. We climbed the slope. From the road below -passers-by made us signs of encouragement. I noted the quick sprightly -steps of most of my companions. Mine were rather slower but firm and -decided nevertheless. I unconsciously adopted the gait of a man who -means to see the thing through. - -I should, I thought, see nearly all my contemporaries in the regiment -turning up at this meeting-place. I rejoiced at the thought of spying -out, on each one's forehead, the reflection of his private feelings. - -The comrades of my twenty-first year! There is no age at which a life -lived in common is responsible for forming more attachments than this -one, but I was among those who had made the fewest friends during those -ten months. I had had a room to myself in town, while many of them -agreed to share with two or three others. I was considered a bore; a -report which I had started, a state of affairs which I exploited, in -order to escape endless fatigues. Beyond that I was neither liked nor -disliked. They mistrusted my coldly mystifying disposition, they envied -me the calm insolence with which I defied my non-commissioned officers. -When the time came for separation, and the exchange of addresses, I did -as the others did; without any illusions; nobody would bother to look -me up, I felt sure. I was mistaken. Someone did come: Guillaumin. - -He was a grotesquely ugly chap, with a great thick red nose, -short-sighted eyes, and a hoarse voice. A chatter-box, energetic and -obliging, loved and chaffed by everyone. What should he do but get the -idea into his head of keeping in touch with all those he had considered -good fellows down there! And he had almost succeeded in doing so. He -was the living index which one need only consult for information on -the fate of all the old lot in our platoon. He dropped in to see me -from time to time, on his way from the office where he vegetated as a -clerk. We dined together on those evenings, and for him, I deserted -Laquarrière, who, having caught sight of him one day, did not spare me -his sarcasms on my grotesque "regimental friend." - - * * * * * - -I arrived in the station. It was swarming with reservists leaving to -rejoin their regiment. Not many faces that I recognised. One already -felt lost, and groups were formed instinctively. - -The first one I shook hands with was Laraque, the handsome Laraque, -whose rosy shaven face and marked features, prepossessing and imperious -at the same time, gave him simultaneously the air of a Roman Emperor or -of a ballad prince. - -"Well, there we are!" he said. "Killing, what?" - -"Killing, oh rather. Got your ticket?" - -"What do you imagine! I think they might give us a free trip!" - -His tone showed me where I was. I could see that it was going to be the -proper thing to take everything as a joke. Not to show one's feelings -in any way.... Good! We should see how long that would last! I should -have my revenge as an on-looker. - -Faron joined us, the son of the professor at the Sorbonne. He himself -was a barrister, thin, energetic, and impenetrable. He buried himself -in his newspapers. Then Holveck small and witty. He had just started -a bank, with a branch in New York. Ladmiraut, an old Normalien with -a puffy face and thick, hanging lips, an erudite pedant and a simple -soul who used to be the picked target for all the practical jokes. Big -Denais, the finished type of the don't-care-a-blow-for-any-one shover. -Fortin, who had taken a degree in history, a lecturer and public -speaker, not long returned from Germany, and already in search of a -public. - -It was a very lively scene. All meeting and recognising and calling to -one another. - -"Helloa Miquel, is that you?" - -"What a nice surprise!" - -"No! it must be a put-up job!" - -They were all here, all going to fight. But with what will, I could not -yet decide. - -Our train, the 7:16, was almost due. Laraque dragged me away towards -the platform, out of breath and purple in the face, his hat and -eye-glass on one side. He wiped his damp forehead and shiny nose. - -"Do you know what delayed me?" - -We did not listen to his story, he realised it, and cut it short. - -"And ... what about the old lot?" - -I mentioned some names and expressed my surprise at not seeing Boutet. - -"What! You haven't heard about it! Poor wretch! He's been at Berck, for -the last six months." - -"Oh, I say ... that's the limit," said Laraque. - -He laughed, but I felt that it was only half in fun. - -Guillaumin continued: - -"I came across little Frémont outside." - -"Oh!" - -"He couldn't tear himself away from his wife." - -"What, Frémont married?" - -"Yes, rather, six weeks ago." - -Just think of that. The idea amused me. He had been the youngest in the -platoon, enlisting at the age of eighteen, though he did not look more -than sixteen. He was as beardless and fresh as a girl and scared at -first by the round oaths in the barrack-room ... and now he was married! - -"What's his wife like?" - -"Also quite young. They're like two children! She wants to go to F---- -with him." - - * * * * * - -The journey lasted just four hours. - -We had scrambled into one of the "commandeered" carriages which within -a few days would take us on to the scene of action. - -We were gay with a gaiety in some cases spontaneous but for the most -part, assented to, though neither forced nor painful. Magnificent -inconsequence! And the delight of meeting again like schoolboys at the -beginning of the October term. - -At certain moments we touched lightly upon some subject of serious -discussion. England?... Oh yes! England!... Some facetious remark soon -put an end to it. Holveck turned to Guillaumin: - -"You'll have to do away with your eye-glass." - -"Why?" - -"Because of the splinters ... if you get a bullet in your eye!" - -This sally raised a general laugh. Through the open windows our gaze -roved over the countryside. It was a little depressing no doubt. This -war! How many would set eyes on this landscape again next year!... But -let's hope for the best whatever happens. After all, it simply meant -that manoeuvres would last rather longer than usual!... This state of -affairs would not last for ever; two or three months, six at the most! -and it would be all over!... and Philoppon, the fair-haired dandy who -had been brought to the station in a car by his people, already had -visions of next winter, which he expected to spend as usual on the -Riviera. - -"I tell you what, you chaps, I shall see an extraordinary improvement -in it after the war, what!" - - * * * * * - -On our arrival we went straight to the barracks. - -The weather was stormy. In crossing F---- I was reminded of our former -route marches.... Our platoon heading the battalion. The company -commander gave us as guide a great lout of a sergeant who kept up a -stream of invectives. All the world and his wife were at the windows. -Left--Right! Left--Right! Our pace quickened going up the hill, and -we had to hang on to each other in order to keep our intervals. What -an effort it was, weighed down, and with the muscles of the thigh -contracted, and those of the calf aching, to cover the last lap. - -I called these things to mind now all the more easily because I -again found myself struggling with my pack on the same ascent. I was -perspiring, and already tired and depressed. And then in those days I -had the buoyancy and the enthusiasm of youth, and facing these trials I -used to say to myself, "It's got to be gone through!" I had the feeling -that I was buying repose for the rest of my life. - -What a sigh I had heaved when my time was up. I had thought my period -of physical constraint, the most trying of all, over and done with!... -And now I had got to go through it all over again.... Worse even than -that. The hardest part by far still awaited me!... How I loathed in -advance the bitter hardships to come, the defilades at the double, the -tramps across the ploughed fields under the crushing weight of the -pack, all the cursed, humiliating, bodily subjection. - -But I made a childish vow not to "overdo" things, as they say. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -NEW COMRADES AND OLD - - -Having registered my name the sergeant on duty snapped: - -"The 22nd! They're in the College, Rue St. Paul." - -One thing delighted me. Guillaumin was attached to the same unit. I -had so often experienced his good-nature and devotion. He would be -invaluable, perfect, on active service. - -But what other non-coms., should we have as companions? - -Directly we got to our quarters, we saw two men detach themselves -from the group standing there. Two more of the old lot, two -school-teachers.... Guillaumin whispered their names to me--Descroix, a -squat, red-haired chap, with an imperial and a clumsy way of walking; -and Humel, a small slight man with a thin pale face, and a rather -cunning expression. We greeted one another cordially, pretending to -congratulate ourselves on the lucky chance. They lost no time in -addressing us in the most familiar terms, and we put on no side. -Conversation soon began to lag, however, as we lacked any interests in -common. - -Guillaumin suddenly went off. He brought back a man named De Valpic to -introduce to us. He was tall and slim and distinguished-looking with a -gentle, sad expression. - -As he was already in uniform the company sergeant-major, who was -passing, requisitioned him. - -When he had gone, we asked Guillaumin who he was. - -"Oh, you know the De Valpics--the historical ones! He is the -ambassador's nephew. I met him in camp at Mailly, and he asked me to -go and see him--A mansion in the Rue de Grenelle, with a courtyard of -sixty yards. But quite unspoilt, a very good sort, you'll see!" - -"He'd better not give himself airs here!" said Descroix. - -He and Humel did not seem in the least disposed to make friends with -the new-comer. - -Reservists kept on arriving in an uninterrupted string, their rejoining -orders in their hands. - -"Here are the people we're going to get killed with," Guillaumin said. -"What sort do they look?" - -Beaucerons for the most part, reserved, obstinate, weather-beaten -beings, who did not talk much. When they did it was with a guttural -accent. I was able to identify the faces of a certain number of worthy -farmers, the Simeons and Gaudéreaux whom I had noticed during my year's -services. From a distance they all seemed our elders, with their scored -faces, and their bodies bent and thickened by the rough work in the -fields. A minority of Parisians were making four times more noise than -the others. I raised my eyebrows. I had caught sight of Judsi with his -queer clown's face--a bad stock--and further on, Lamalou, a huge fellow -with a weakness for the fair sex, who had come back from the punishment -battalions in Africa; a good sort, but terrible when he had been -drinking. - -"The deuce!" I said to Guillaumin. "We've got some bad hats." - -"They make the best soldiers!" - -Judsi was raising roars of laughter by handing round the hat, his hat, -an extraordinary object which he must have picked up for fun on the -high road. - -"Help a pore man!" - -He humbugged: Didn't his pals agree that it was just the time to go -and fetch a few kilos of red wine? Who knew whether they wouldn't have -kicked the bucket by to-morrow. - -He ended by collecting about four francs. He went off and came back in -ten minutes' time carrying seven or eight bottles. - -They made him a speech, they smacked each other on the back, they went -into fits simply at the sight of him clicking his tongue or rolling his -eyes. - -I suddenly caught sight of someone coming towards me ... the brick -red cheeks, the flat nose, the crisp hair, and full lips exposing the -receding gums ... all these were familiar to me. The man was wearing a -dirty grey suit. He held out his hairy paw to me. - -"Halloa, my 'rooky'!" - -The sound of his voice enabled me to place him. - -"Bouillon!" - -Eight years before, when I first joined, I had found him rejoicing in -good conduct and efficiency badges, and acting as barrack-room orderly. -The excellent fellow had at once taken me under his protection, and had -seen me through the first three weeks, teaching me the rudiments of -manual and platoon exercises. He was not a little proud of it. I was -"his rooky." A little later on Bouillon had got into trouble. He had -been led away by Lamalou, and mixed up in some night brawl, and had -lost his stripes in consequence. When I rejoined the company I had been -able, without causing him any humiliation to get him attached to me as -bâtman and we had both congratulated ourselves on our understanding, he -because I occasionally gave him a tip to supplement his weekly three -francs, I because my kit was so well cared for, from that day onwards. - -I had not seen him since. The joy of having found me again lit up his -face. - -He said insinuatingly: - -"If only you could get me into your section?" - -I promised to try and arrange the matter for him shortly. - -"That chap seems very much attached to you," said Guillaumin. - -"Pooh! He hopes to get some money out of me!" - -A quartermaster-sergeant who had re-enlisted accosted us: - -"I say, you're the N.C.O.'s of the 22nd, aren't you? Come and get -changed: Then you can lend a hand ... with the men!" - -We followed him to the clothing-store which had been installed in a -yard. - -An officer was there, a sub-lieutenant in the reserves, a young -fellow with a fine head, and a long brown moustache, which he twirled -mechanically. We reported ourselves to him. He timidly asked each one -of us what our profession was. - -"That's right!" he said approvingly; "quite right. Yes!" - -There was a superb lot of regulation trousers, tunics, and greatcoats. - -Guillaumin marvelled at them. - -"Some preparation--what!--in spite of all they say!" - -We soon found what we wanted, all that is, except him, whose arms were -so long as to be out of all proportion. - -We laughed at his build, resembling that of a monkey. - -"First-rate for bayonet work!" he retorted. - -We were ready. The quartermaster brought us a dozen men. - -"The first batch!" - -A nice business this: these two hundred fellows to fit out! They all -kept coming out of turn. And they weren't a bit easy to manage, as they -did not care a rap for us! And then how nice and easy it was to find -one's way about among these marks. M III, G II, E IV...! A foul dust -flew out of the piles of clothing which were lying about, out of the -heaps of caps which had come undone.... And the stink of these people -in their shirt-sleeves!... Heavens! I did the best thing I could do -under the circumstances, and bolted surreptitiously. - -Having got over the railings I saluted a couple standing on the -pavement, hand-in-hand. Little Frémont and his wife whom I thought -insignificant-looking. I went on, but was not displeased at the idea of -his being in the 22nd; one more pleasant comrade. - -I did not reappear in quarters until evening. Guillaumin at once warned -me charitably to look out! I was marked! Descroix and Humel had soon -noticed my disappearance and had made no bones about reporting me. The -quartermaster had stormed and raged; a regular hullabaloo! - -"What does it matter!" I interrupted. - -I saw, however, that there was a certain amount of danger in allowing -a hostile clan to form itself at the very beginning. I went into the -little room reserved for us. I found Descroix in his shirt-sleeves, and -offered him a cigarette, which he accepted. Humel came back, and we -joked. Neither of them uttered a word about the afternoon's occurrence. - -However, the quartermaster-sergeant came to tell me, in a tone that I -did not half like, that I had been warned for orderly duty at the gates. - -"Who detailed me?" - -"The sergeant-major." - -The others were chuckling inwardly. I made the best of a bad job. All -right! My turn would come in time no doubt! I was looking for the -necessary equipment when a counter order arrived. The guard would be -drawn entirely from the 23rd to-day. - -Still better! I went out calmly, taking Guillaumin with me. Frémont had -vanished. We met De Valpic: - -"Are you coming to dine with us?" - -He excused himself. Not this evening, he preferred to rest. - -Rest after what? His refusal shocked me. If he was going to refuse to -associate with us, he would have to be taken down a peg. - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -KNOCKS AND CONTACTS - - -Each morning, for the next three days, we got part of our equipment. -The quality of the leather goods was excellent, the arms were in -first-rate order, the linen clean and of a kind to wear well. There -were some details not up to the mark, the haversacks were only -moderately good, most of the water-bottles leaked or smelt bad. -Bouillon, however, got me all I wanted in the way of new things, and it -was, thanks to him too, that the battalion cobbler deigned to put nails -into my boots. - -In the afternoons my only idea was to "leg it." - -In theory we were not allowed out until after five o'clock; but as a -matter of fact our stripes over-awed the sentry, the sergeant in charge -took care not to see us on condition, of course, that we should do as -much for him sometime. - -Guillaumin stayed in billets for the first two days, hoping to make -himself useful. I found him in a state of exasperation when I got back -in the evening; they had made no use of him, nor of the men, for that -matter.... Oh yes, I beg your pardon! They had not stopped sweeping the -yard all afternoon. Then at four o'clock they had emptied a cartload of -straw out on to it, and now it was dirtier than ever! His obsession -for the time being was this: What were they waiting for? Why didn't -they take us on the drill-ground? Let them teach us our trade as -soldiers. To think we were going to fight to-morrow! - -Through him I learnt that the text-books had lately been modified on -several essential points. I enjoyed getting a rise out of him. - -"Oh, what does it matter! None of the officers have an inkling of it." - -He got into a great state of mind. What a shame it was to have to see -such valuable material wasted. We had no leaders. - -"In the 22nd anyhow!" - -We were agreed on that point. - -Who would have believed that our captain had not yet put in an -appearance, though his arrival had been announced several times. The -first lieutenant Delafosse, a middle-aged man, cold and correct, -confined himself to questions of administration. As for the others, -Henriot, whom we had come across on the first day, we soon placed as an -elementary schoolteacher. Yet another of them! Rather a refined-looking -man, but his accent left much to be desired. He taught, we heard, in -a village near the Meuse. He meant well no doubt, but was woefully -lacking in authority and initiative. His two colleagues, Descroix -and Humel, had soon monopolised him, and were hail-fellow-well-met -with him. He made himself very pleasant and attentive to us, and was -obviously anxious to make a good impression. When he had to give an -order he seemed apologetic about it: - -"I refer the matter to you ... you know all about that as well as I do!" - -Ravelli, the battalion sergeant-major, a good-looking dog, who had -been decorated, added his own failings to those indispensable to his -calling! An insufferable bounder! Stupid and pretentious; a real bad -lot.... He grovelled to the officers and bullied the men shamefully. He -did not quite dare to attack us openly, and we could see he appreciated -our powers of retaliation. But the poor _poilus_ in the ranks! - -It was nothing but parades and roll-calls and inspections with this -low-bred cur at their heels from morning till night, an endless stream -of fatigues. The tactlessness of the man! The Parisian groused. Lamalou -already refused flatly to obey him; and Judsi made no bones about -exclaiming, "The bloody beast, 'e'd better look out for 'isself w'en we -get our ammunition." - -Such were our superior officers. The trio lacked breadth of mind. -Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant was acting company sergeant-major, -as we had not a _pukka_ one. - -Three more non-commissioned officers had now been added to the company. -Hourcade, a bank clerk in civil life, a dull dog, and meticulous to a -fault. Belloeil, a butcher from Marais, with very high colouring,--a -good sort, so obese that they had given up trying to clothe him. He -declared his intention of staying behind as drill sergeant to the -raw recruits. And lastly Playoust. He was a character, this Chartres -fishmonger. A fine figure of a man, a rake with the gift of the gab, -he was addicted to "talking big," and did not lack a sense of humour. -His bragging amused me. A gay dog, he boasted that he accepted ... -hospitality in town every night, but never two nights from the same -hostess. He assured us that there was a large choice. Where on -earth?... Why of course among the wives of the regulars who had left on -the day of mobilisation. - -Guillaumin had not much taste for this class of bragging. Nor I, for -that matter, but I recognised in this popular cynicism a kindred spirit -to my own. And then Playoust made up to me and always liked to count me -among his audience when he was playing the fool. It was no time before -he had gained a singular hold over a certain set of our comrades. Were -we there to be bored? He organised "manilles" in which Descroix and -Humel and Hourcade took part from the beginning. Quartermaster Belloiel -took a hand when wanted. Guillaumin loathed cards. As to the others -they were left out of it. I was never asked to make a fourth. But I saw -that it was in my own interest to remain on good terms with the whole -lot.... There did not seem to me very much difficulty about that; ... -I had bought cigars to give away. I wasted a whole afternoon in this -colourless society. Playoust was in good form that day. We kept up a -cross-fire of witticisms, he and I.... It was up to the others to do -the laughing. Everything went well! - -I climbed down when Guillaumin came to me that same evening much -against his will--for he hated telling tales--to give me a friendly -warning. - -"You look out! They can't stand you!" - -"No! Is it as bad as all that?" - -"Quite. It's better that you should know about it." - -"What do they object to about me?" - -"The way you get out of things, and shirk the tiresome jobs. They can't -stand that. Directly your back was turned, just now, they exploded. A -regular chorus! It's just the same every evening!" - -"Descroix and Humel?" I asked scornfully. - -"And Playoust too." - -"Really! You don't say so!" - -"He most of all!" - -This gave me something to think about, when all the time I'd been -looking on him as an ally!... I thanked Guillaumin for drawing my -attention to it. - -"You may be sure I stood up for you," he added. - -As if I should ever have doubted it! - -I examined my conscience; there was no doubt that I had been to blame -on several occasions! - -Thereupon I altered my plan of attack! - -The next day Playoust happened to be on guard. He was obviously -frightfully cut up at having to fail a particularly lovely lady. I -offered to take his place. He accepted casually. - -"I'll do the same for you sometime, old boy!" - -"Right you are!" - -In the morning I had already suggested taking charge of a fatigue party -of some sort. Descroix had exclaimed: - -"Nonsense, it can't be true! Dreher who never stirs a foot." - -"It's about time he took his turn," said Humel. - -Never mind! I quite thought I should succeed in disarming them -partially. - -At the same time I judged it expedient to tighten the bonds between us, -the four old pupils. I busied myself about it without much success. - -Frémont was the pleasant comrade he had always been. But in voice and -gesture and outlook he still retained a certain something which was -extraordinarily infantile, and rather took one aback. He was extremely -young in mind too. A Doctor of Science at the age of twenty-three and -an honours man he took no interest in anything outside his speciality. -He was particularly unresponsive on the subjects of art and philosophy -which I was particularly fond of discussing. - -Besides he was living in a dream. Though present at every parade, he -deserved every time--as Guillaumin threatened him, with a laugh--to be -reported as absent. - -"Oh, these young husbands!" - -He waited until the regulation time to go out, but then he lost no time -in getting through the gate. His wife had come to fetch him, and they -went off arm in arm. One met nobody but them in town, all evening. Why -couldn't they shut themselves up? I knew they had hired a room. Yes, -Guillaumin explained to me, but they did not have the use of it till -eight o'clock. Poor lovers! The fact remains that their idyl, in a fair -way to become the talk of the whole regiment, got on my nerves! - -As for De Valpic, it must be admitted that he was rather an eccentric -being. His manners were perfection. On coming into contact with him -one felt that he was unusually cultured, not to say, erudite. He would -embark on a discussion with great gusto ... but it would suddenly come -to a premature close. He used to pretend to give way suddenly before -your arguments. I say pretend because you felt that he had others in -reserve. Was it the disdain of a great gentleman for our _bourgeois_ -dialectics? The supposition warred with his entire absence of side. -But I had nevertheless to adhere to it. He so carefully avoided all -attempts to force his intimacy. It was impossible to persuade him to -take a meal with us. And yet he could hardly be called a sybarite -when he dined at the best hotel in the place. He professed to be on a -special diet. Was he ill? Perhaps. As a matter of fact he did not look -very robust.... I questioned him discreetly. He reddened and got out of -it by answering vaguely: - -"Digestion!..." - -What is certain is that he was of a particularly lazy disposition. His -least busy day he spent stretched out at full length, his head leaning -against his valise, his legs in a rug which he had brought; quite idle, -with his eyes open. This attitude drew upon him, besides Playoust's -quips, the animosity of the company sergeant-major who, sticking his -nose in at the door, would call him slyly: - -"Halloa there! De Valpic! As you're doing nothing!" - -Guillaumin continued to be my only intimate companion. I did not -tell any one but him of my discovery of a hay-loft looking over the -Principal's garden. He soon got in the habit of coming there often to -join me. It became our headquarters. - -I now succeeded in persuading him to go about the town with me. We -hardly left each other's side. In the evening he accompanied me to -the door of the hotel where I had been able to find a room, and he -went back to sleep on the straw. I had thought of asking him to share -my bed; but how embarrassing for both of us! He would no doubt have -refused. - -F---- seemed quite commonplace. I had seen it look pretty much the same -each time the Division assembled for manoeuvres. - -There was the same stream of red trousers rolling through the streets -at all hours, besieging the "pubs," and rifling the grocers' shops -and bazaars, the shopkeepers' one idea being to exploit the reservists -whose pockets were usually well-lined. The windows decked with bunting -suggested the idea of an eve of the fourteenth of July, or of a visit -from the President. - -The atmosphere was as calm as possible. Those who had expected riots, -or a revolution! I only remember one incident. The report spread -one afternoon that a spy had been discovered and arrested at the -station.... In five minutes a crowd was shouting in front of the -police-station where the transgressor, or transgressors--they talked -now of three or four!--had been taken and put under arrest. Policemen -were guarding the door. We waited for half an hour amid the growing -feverishness. When they came out there was an outcry and a rush.... The -shameful fury of crowds!... I caught sight of the two poor wretches, a -man and a woman, little puny, terrified creatures. A motor took them -away. They were both cowering under the menace of raised walking-sticks. - -The sight had irritated me. It was easy to say spies! I thought of our -compatriots, caught unawares in Germany. It might have happened to me. -I was there at the time of the Agadir trouble. I teased Guillaumin who -had been as bad as the rest. He admitted that he had been in the wrong, -but it was too much for him. The Bosches. The filthy Bosches! - -The lead had been heaved and soundings taken. All these people hid -the sacred passion beneath their calm exterior. They were right. -This nation had risen to butcher us. Between them and us a war of -extermination was beginning.... - -And I could so easily have forgotten it! - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND - - -The Paris papers came regularly; several editions every day, but we -were no longer so ravenous for this type of nourishment. When once the -period of anxiety concerning Belgium's resistance and the intervention -of England was over, we almost lost interest in the rest, yes, even in -the first engagements in Lorraine, where our men won such a glorious -name for themselves. We felt that nothing of importance would take -place for ten days or a fortnight. - -Our chief anxiety was to know what they would do with us. - -The general opinion was that we would be in the second line -(Reservists. The idea!), that we would only look on from afar at the -first terrible encounters.... When the regulars were put out of action, -yes, then it would be our turn to take the field. But it was quite -possible that the war would already be well advanced. - -What day should we leave? And what would our destination be? - -Outlandish rumours were in circulation. They were hailed with a smile, -and passed on in fun, but we ended by believing them. What did we know -about it? The "tips" always came from such high-placed officials, -generals, or station-masters. One persistent rumour was that we were -to be sent to Le Havre, and from there shipped ... to what port do you -think? You'd never guess, however long you went on trying! To Bremen! -A landing party! Heavens, we stopped at nothing, with the British -fleet behind us! According to another version we were to form part of -a reserve force concentrated at Goëtquidam Brittany! The drawback was -that we ran the risk of not seeing anything! - -Morale! What a strange factor it is in deciding the fate of nations! I -failed to take it into account now. This uncertainty weighed on me. I -sounded my companions. - -"Look here, how do you think things are going ... all right?" - -"What!" - -My question astounded them. On looking back it seems to me obvious that -an insane optimism held sway. What could the Central Powers do against -this gigantic coalition. The Kaiser had lost his head! Driven by the -"junker" party, he was risking his all in a fit of despair. - -How long would it go on for? The figure quoted was three months. - -Three months, I said to myself: three months! - -Fate might decide that our army corps, our regiment, was not to be -engaged more than once or twice.... There would be some rough knocks to -put up with! But what of that? Lots would come through! For those who -did it would be curiously interesting to look on at the reconstruction -of the world which would follow.... Would life be any the better for -it? Yes. In what way? I did not know. But I was firmly convinced of it. - -In Guillaumin I had a surprising source of high spirits and enthusiasm. -He lived in a state of exaltation. He was the only one to read between -the lines, in the daily reports, endless sensational pieces of news, -extraordinarily favourable to us, withheld, he said, through an excess -of modesty. - -"They're afraid the public might lose their heads." - -If I pretended to be alarmed: - -"What's become of the concentration? Look at all the regulars that are -about still!" - -He retorted with: - -"My dear fellow, they're getting two days ahead of the estimates." - -He had been to the station. He had seen any amount of trains passing -crammed with troops and war material...! An inconceivable number of big -guns, and ammunition waggons, and gun carriages! A store of unsuspected -riches! - -Our staff? Was admirable. Joffre, the great strategist, who left -nothing to chance. Pau, the soldier whom the Germans feared more than -any one, De Castelnau! Since he had made it his career despite his -opinions! - -The Government? Perfection. Viviani, the right man in the right place; -the strong and many-sided genius that was needed. How fine,--and what -a clever move--his letter to Madame Jaurès had been! The results of it -were this solidity, and absolute unanimity; the rising _en masse_ of -the peaceful operatives, the internationalists of yesterday, claiming -for their great country the right to live and be respected. - -Guillaumin knew the text of the different official declarations and -proclamations by heart; he recited scraps of them to me. - -"Glorious! What!" - -It was not an assumed excitement. I sounded him. He really was -delighted to be going. It was the ingenuous wish for the unexpected and -for adventure in one who led the most dreary of lives as a civilian. -And the need to expend himself in a cause he felt was just. He did not -need much urging to bring out such big words as Duty and Patriotism!! - -His fervour both lowered him and raised him in my estimation. On one -side I was inclined to place him in the class of credulous boobies, -like the young fool of a lawyer's clerk I had met in the railway -carriage. At the same time he gave me an example of moral warmth and -vigour preferable to my frivolity. - -He alone seemed changed by these formidable circumstances. He was -thrilled. I should like to have been thrilled. - -What made the Descroix and Humels so unbearable to me was their -peace-time point of view. The way they spent hour after hour playing -stupid card games, taking no interest in anything else! It was beyond -me, and it worried me. They would not be the ones to save France! - -(Should I be!!!) - -Guillaumin reassured me. - -"Don't you worry about that! You keep your eye on the _poilus_. That's -all that matters!" - -I tossed my head. My men? What could I know about them? - -I had thirty-three roughs under me, squads 11 and 12. Guillaumin had -the same number, squads 9 and 10; Lieutenant Henriot was in command of -the platoon. - -Up to now, I had tried only to avoid being unpopular. I thought I -was succeeding in it. I relied entirely on my corporals, Bouguet and -Donnadieu, who were well up in their job. - -Chance had thrown together in my section, Judsi and Lamalou, the two -scoundrels whom I have already mentioned, among the stolid Beaucerons -who were all so much alike that they might have been brothers. They -were a scurvy couple. They had already been caught by a patrol one -night in town, and brought back drunk, shouting and storming, and had -been in such a dangerous mood next day that Henriot had not dared to -haul them over the coals for it. - -The impressions I had retained of the few weeks once spent on a -company, before going to the "Peloton," the one occasion in which I -had come into contact for a short period with the lower classes, were -these: The barrack was a den of wild beasts, and the peasants real -brutes. The fact that the one thing they looked forward to was Sunday -when they could drink themselves stupid, made them lower even than -the animals. Beyond that the only thing that had worried me was the -"promiscuousness." The days of ragging were over; I was free with my -cigarettes and "drinks." I could always find someone ready to take -my fatigues for me for the sake of a sixpence, and ever since then -Bouillon had been my guardian angel. It did not matter how much this -pleb was looked down on! - -Attached to my original company during the manoeuvres, reports -had reached the ears of the reserve officer to the effect that -I was already well up in my work, and I had at once been made a -non-commissioned officer, a distant and unapproachable being. - -My energetic "command" ensured my authority, on the drill-ground at all -events. Elsewhere?... There was no elsewhere. As for taking a personal -interest in each of the men, and searching into, and investigating -their characters, as Guillaumin tried to induce me, and forced himself -to do,--the idea had never entered my head. To-day it seemed an idle -fancy outside the realms of realisation. I felt that this mass of men -was too remote from, and, in all probability, hostile to us. No, they -did not count at all as individual souls! I listened to Guillaumin as -he extolled their sound good sense, and sturdy morale. It was too much -to ask of this poor food for cannons. - -But one thing struck me, nevertheless; the small, the infinitesimal -number of men who "groused." Not a sign of "shirkers." It was -astounding to me to note, in the days that followed, how this -spirit had spread. I did not see any great enthusiasm, but rather -determination, or perhaps it was resignation. There was at all events, -no reluctance, no little underhand plots, elaborated with a view to -remaining at the depôt. I have quoted our friend Belloeil; but even he -would willingly have gone with us, I think, but for his asthma, which -made him pant like a seal, merely at having to go up into billets. - -One drama, I remember, caused a sensation: a reservist who had thrown -himself successively through a window, under a cart, and under a train. -He was hard to kill, that fellow! - -How set he was on doing away with himself! At the inquest, a letter -which had been discovered established the fact that the only motive for -this act had been ... fear. Yes, simply the stupid fear of going to -the front.... Poor wretch. What a fine funeral ovation they gave him. -Good-for-nothing, rotter, and funk were the mildest terms employed. If -he had accounted for a Bosche, his skin would have been of some use. - - * * * * * - -On the fourth day, Friday, the order arrived in the morning to assemble -for field-parade. - -Guillaumin was triumphant. - -"There now, you see! Didn't I tell you so? They're coming all -right--even to us!" - -The men were taking their valises. And what about us; no, we agreed not -to. - -We started off. A fig for marching at attention! That was not expected -of us. We followed the railway lines. A train was just passing, the -carriages decorated with flowers. Soldiers were laughing at the windows. - -The 104th Argentan. - -"Halloa, you chaps! Wait for us! We're going on foot to have a look at -the Bosches!" Judsi shouted. - -We halted farther on in a field by the roadside. Suddenly a whistle was -blown, and the word was passed round that the captain was there! - -In the twinkling of an eye we were formed up again and got into line as -well as might be. - -Delafosse, the first lieutenant, gave the order: - -"Present ... arms!" - -Captain Ribet rode up, mounted on a beautiful grey mare. He was a tall -spare man with a crisp moustache and very bright eyes. An ex-officer in -the regulars; we knew he had retired when quite young after having won -the _légion d'honneur_. - -He saluted, and without any preliminaries pointed imperiously at the -first section. - -"Skirmishing order," he shouted. - -We had about fifty yards to cover at a double. - -"Kneel!" - -We knelt down. - -"Advance!" - -We stood erect, and then immediately had to operate a change of front. -The words of command and evolutions followed each other in rapid and -varied succession. The captain gave the order and looked on coldly at -the execution of it without uttering a word. We all lacked enthusiasm -but it did not go badly, all the same. Our covering sergeants knew what -they were about, and Henriot slipped in the necessary explanations. I -acquitted myself passably in my thankless rôle of supernumerary. The -men charged and deployed, and then returned to their first formation, -their movements facilitated by their long experience in former days. -During the short intervals of respite, reflections were heard: - -"How's that for manoeuvres!" - -"We are having a dose." - -At last arms were piled and while the men amused themselves by pulling -out pipes or chunks of bread, the captain blew his whistle again. - -"The non-commissioned officers!" - -The first thing he did was to find fault with us. - -"Why haven't you got your valises?" - -The subaltern opened his mouth.... - -"That will do. We'll consider it as said!" - -He had a few words of praise for the way we drilled. - -"There was a little hesitation in the third though." - -"Among us! really!" - -He added a few commonplace remarks on our duties which played such an -important part in the field. We must prove the value of the material -entrusted to us. It was for us to make the most of it. - -Seizing the opportunity afforded by a brief silence, Playoust thought -he might ask him what the probable date of our departure would be.... -Sunday was talked of. - -"I am not here to answer questions, Sergeant!" - -He warned us that he would inspect us next morning at nine o'clock. - -"Service marching orders. Ready to leave. And mind you see that nothing -is missing!" - -He dismissed us with a salute. - -Directly we had got away Guillaumin exclaimed: - -"A queer fish that!" - -"You like him?" - -"Yes, I do. It's men like that that we want!" - -I protested. My impression of him, on the contrary was an unpleasant -one. Who did the man think he was, to treat us as little boys? - -When we got back into quarters, I made fun of the sudden zeal consuming -my comrades. The prospect of this inspection next day scared them. Each -one rushed off to put his men on their mettle. Guillaumin especially -was quite off his chump. I, for my part, contented myself with warning -my corporals that everything must be in order at the time fixed! I -should hold them responsible! - -That done, I did not worry any more! I spent the afternoon resting in -my hay-loft. - -The best of it was that I was sergeant of the day. I ought to have gone -and put myself at the disposition of the adjutant. Bah! He could do -without me, without the world coming to an end. - -My predecessor, Belloeil, had told me that I should have to take the -men who had been given orders the day before to the barracks on the -stroke of five o'clock. They would draw their pay there, and I should -countersign the register.... The list was handed over to me. They -watched for me at the exit, but I arranged to escape them; De Valpic -would take them to-morrow. - -One of them accosted me in the town; I snubbed him, and he went off -cursing and swearing. Guillaumin blamed me for it. - -"Poor fellow! Suppose he had some purchase to make!" - -"Oh rot! I'm doing him a good turn; he'll drink a drop less than usual, -that's all!" - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -AT THE GLOBE CAFÉ - - -We got there early. Nearly all the old "Peloton" lot were to meet there -that evening. The large room at the back had been put at our disposal. - -Punch was served to everyone. Toasts were drunk half as a rag. There -was a tap-room atmosphere. Everyone was in uproarious spirits--feverish -with the excitement of the departure which was so close at hand. A -school-master named Groningaire started off with a song--he had a good -voice--then some patriotic verses, while we sang the refrain in chorus. - -Miquel went to the piano. - -"Go it! Play us something!" - -He was known to be a performer. - -"What style do you want?" - -"Oh, anything! Improvise something!" - -"The 'Battle,' g-r-r-r-r-r and symphony!" - -There was a general laugh. He sat down on the music stool. - -"First part. Four o'clock in the morning." - -His fingers raced over the keys. A running accompaniment in the bass -suggested the army sleeping. A high note, the bugle call, suddenly -burst forth followed instantaneously by shouts, the stir of troops -awakening and moving to and fro, and the neighing of horses.... - -"Bravo!" - -Reminiscences no doubt of melodies he had composed or learnt. His rare -skill soldered them into a sort of pot-pourri, which was at the same -time both genial and burlesque. He jerked out the titles of motifs: -the start at dawn, the approach of the enemy, the deployment, then the -surprise of the first shots, the scattering, and the reply.... The -pianist's fancy multiplied and expanded, painting an extraordinary -picture. In the left hand, the cannon rumbled ceaselessly in hollow -tones. In the treble a frenzy of staccato notes crackled like a -fusillade. Between the two, smothered vociferations, and the trampling -of the combatants could be distinguished. To end up with there was the -charge, swelling harmonies, and a roar of glory and madness, throughout -which fragments of the famous "_La Goutte à boire!!!_" recurred -persistently. - -Miquel paused. There was a burst of applause. - -"Hush!" he said. "Wait for the day after...." - -He struck a minor chord, succeeded by two or three others, equally -lugubrious, a gloomy _arpeggio_ strengthened the impression of -mourning.... The day after! yes. There was a slight shudder. I -recognised Beethoven's _Funeral March_. - -"How idiotic! What are you playing that for?" - -Denais had got up, and was drawing his hand across his forehead. Then -embarrassed by our glances he forced a wry smile. - -"Rotting apart, it's not exactly cheerful!" - -A few backed him up. Others shrugged their shoulders. A discussion -began which degenerated into an uproar. Laraque took possession of -the piano and romped through a "tango" which was applauded. Miquel was -called upon again; but he refused point blank this time, and it was not -very long before he left, perhaps because he was offended. - -Then Guillaumin and I went to swell a group which had formed in a -corner, round Fortin, who was holding forth. - -A robust fellow, with an enormous forehead, and a clever, ugly face, he -was repeating the lessons he had just brought back from Germany where -he had been living for some time. His rich voice carried wonderfully, -supported by his energetic gestures. A frequenter of public meetings -and debating societies, one was tempted to forgive him if he was rather -inclined to like the sound of his own voice, because he spoke well. - -To begin with, however, I only half listened to him. He was enlarging -upon the industrial qualities of that race, their method, and patience, -and tenacity of purpose, their thoroughness in perfecting detail; on -their moral virtues too, from which the others sprang. - -This sort of thing had been overdone! However at such a time it -assumed a striking note of unexpectedness and daring. This Frenchman -obviously overflowed with sympathy, or at all events admiration for -the foe he was about to face.... And not one of us protested.... What -impartiality, I thought. Was it to our credit, or discredit? - -I now followed the speaker's arguments with interest. He occasionally -spoke so decidedly and precisely that I suspected him of dishing up -for our benefit certain passages already composed for the work he was -meditating. - -On the other hand one had the feeling that one was not the dupe of a -rhetorician. I was able when necessary to verify the exactitude of his -statements by my own recollections. - -Here he was sketching the portrait of the young German, steady and -strong, accustomed from his earliest childhood to long walks with -his pack on his back, his first attempts at warlike frolics, keen -on swimming, shooting, and gymnastics, more sporting in reality -than we were who had been won over to the rough games from over the -channel. They were chaste too and had no false shame about admitting -it; not exhausted, depraved, and indeed contaminated, as a result -of the stupid dissipation which we appear to think necessary for -our young men. I could see the companions of my excursions round -Iéna again,--Otto Kraëmer, merry, affectionate, and untiring--and so -virtuous--questioning me with an innocent smile, quite free of any -suspicion of envy, on the pleasures of Paris. - -Fortin showed us how war had become inevitable for these people. Since -they were suffocating at home! They were a prolific race; that was -their foremost merit. The necessity and also the capacity for expansion -in a country which in forty years doubles its population! There was the -fruitful young sap. To them belonged the future. - -We were listening, silent and engrossed, leaning on our elbows.... -Ladmiraut demanded some detail from time to time. He had pulled out his -note-book. Guillaumin, who was beside me, seemed to be the only one -who could not listen to this language without impatience; he strummed -nervously on the marble table-top. - -Fortin went on to say that over there it was the entire populace from -the Kaiser down to the last of the beggars, who dreamt of the greater -Germany.... The fateful hour had struck.... He reminded us of the -saying where the five sons of the German family came to demand a share -of his heritage from the only son of the French family. We certainly -had no luck in just happening to be the neighbours and thus the picked -adversaries of this terribly covetous race, and in holding so many -rich provinces that they meant to annex again in the name of ancient -traditions for the Germanic Empire! Any schoolboy coming from Germany -would tell you of their ambitions. To begin with they must have what -remained to us of Lorraine and Champagne and Flanders, they'd see about -Burgundy and the Franche-Comté, when the occasion arose! - -"Then you think we shall be beaten?" Guillaumin broke in harshly. - -It was like a cold douche, we looked at each other. Fortin shrugged his -broad shoulders. - -"I'll tell you one thing, I think, and that is that we're fighting in -a cause ... that is out of date. We no longer incarnate a great force -worthy of existence. Our day is nearly done. Just think how long we -have held the stage. Mark you, I do not say that our end will not be -glorious. We are an old fighting race, we shall do wonders, I think, -before succumbing. Nor do I say that our decline is not to be regretted -in the superior interests of civilisation...." - -"Then you see no hope of anything but decline and disappearance!" - -Guillaumin's face was kindled, his big nose shone, his hand was -clutching at a match stand. - -"Sss...! I say. Chuck it at his head!" whispered Holveck. - -Someone laughed, and there was a short relaxation. - -I did not take my eyes off Fortin, wondering whether he would accept -the challenge. - -And he actually did! He made up his mind to it. It was a thankless -task, he said, to go against all our prejudices and cherished -illusions. But still, if he was driven to it.... And perhaps it would -be better that we should realise what we were in for!... - -"Yes, start away then!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "Tell us what you think -and what you know!" - -What he knew? The other protested that he was not admitted to the -secrets of the gods, that he was lacking in the necessary technical -knowledge concerning military matters, but that what he feared from -certain reliable data, was the "_kolossal_" force--the word is -laughable, not the thing it stands for--of this horde of invaders about -to fall upon us. People in France reassured themselves by the aid -of simplex calculations. They summarily compared the figures of the -population, with the triumphant argument that the enemy must put so and -so many men on the Russian front.... As if there was not an immense -gulf fixed between the actual and the theoretical returns! As if it was -not the vitality of the races that would have the last word! Or again, -the total of Germany's effective forces was put at twenty-five corps -against our twenty-one corps! Only another way of throwing dust in our -eyes. Who suspected that on the two banks of the Rhine there were fifty -or sixty corps, already complete with their full complement, ready to -be set in motion at a sign and destined to be formed into twelve or -fifteen formidable armies. With them there was no waste of material; -each individual had his own appointed place, the technicians in the -factories; the smallest details were foreseen and provided for, the -most recent discoveries in every sphere, exploited. The troops were -young and sound, and their discipline was marvellous. Each soldier -had his map and compass. Their uniform was far and away the least -noticeable. Their equipment was faultless. Their heavy artillery unique -(it would be our most unpleasant surprise!). They had adopted quite -new principles for use in aërial warfare.... What more was there? The -best-regulated commissariat, propaganda among the neutrals, accomplices -among their adversaries.... And then the spy system. Ah, yes! the spy -system! - -"Oh, magnificent!" muttered Guillaumin. - -"I beg your pardon. As they wanted war, it was only right that they -should be as well prepared for it as possible. One can't help admiring -them for that!" - -Guillaumin, still unconvinced, sneered: - -"Oh, charming! There's nothing to be done then! And to-morrow a German -Europe!" - -Fortin having made a movement as if to say, "Why not?" a certain member -of us protested all the same: "Oh no! Anything but that. We would fight -for it! The triumph of brute force. Government by the sword (all the -old catch words), we couldn't stand that...." Laraque declared that -when we were beaten he should go to live in America. Ladmiraut asserted -pedantically that all attempts at universal sway were foredoomed to -failure. Napoleon was an example of it! - -Fortin retorted: - -"We exaggerate when we talk of tyranny.... There would be a certain -amount of rearranging to be got through. What these people want, is...." - -"To pick our pockets," cried Guillaumin. - -"Yes, to pick our pockets, and also...." - -Fortin let himself be carried away. Was it paradox or conviction? - -"Would you like to know what they want? Well, simply the reign of -reason, of their reason. To their physical need for conquest is added -this intellectual need. I think that in the case of a crushing victory -they would not be exacting, that they would content themselves with -re-organising and ordering the world to their ideas. The triumph of -'_Kultur_,' yes! Without doubt they would allow as many individual -liberties and indeed local constitutions, as possible, to subsist. -Their charter of empire is so convenient! The United States of Europe. -That is their avowed dream, often expressed by the Kaiser. Peace, yes, -but under the aegis of the Hohenzollern, chosen of God! An imposing -task to which they bring the fervour of apostles, which to-morrow, on -the battle-field will become the fanaticism of martyrs. The horror -of this contest does not dismay them, they consider it unavoidable. -There are two obstacles in their path; France in their eyes grown old -and debased; Russia that huge inorganic body, still in a state of -barbarism. Their idea was to humiliate both nations, with the object -of raising them up again later on while imbuing them with the moral -and intellectual virtues on which the Teuton prides himself. England -impedes them equally. This conflict too was fated. They despise the -English because they consider them too exclusively concerned with their -well-being, with their comfort; too material, shopkeepers, in fact! -They themselves pose as idealists and philosophers, but heirs to -the spiritualistic traditions, and regardful of the property, of the -integri----" - -"What about the violation of Belgium!" Guillaumin interrupted. - -"Oh, that! That does'nt count: _Das ist Krieg!_ It's only outside the -state of war that they flatter themselves that they're good, just, -sentimental, and gentle. It is impossible to deny that their ambition, -in the main, is generous; to put an end to the inferior period of -improvisation and disorder, and to instigate the reign of perfect -equilibrium--of happiness, that is!--among men." - -He paused: - -"And bear in mind that it must be admitted that no race has ever had a -better chance of success than they have at this moment!" - -Yes, Fortin showed us this prodigious result as being remote and still -hidden behind the veil of the future, but within reach--all Germany was -aware of it!--of the present generation or at all events of the next. -German Europe? But, except for the three powers in question, who were -to be overcome by force, was it not that already? - -He showed up, in a crude light, the important underground activities -of the exchequer and the cabinet; quite another side of the question. -Italy, our famous Latin sister, peremptorily wrested from the sphere -of French influence. Austria! With what supreme skill the rival -of yesterday had been converted into the intimate ally of to-day. -Turkey: simply a German colony, who, on the day prescribed, would -hurl all her weight into the balance. The Scandinavian countries, -Spain, Switzerland, Holland,--all pronounced Germanophils. It was a -real miracle that Belgium should have barred their way! The Church -instinctively approving two traditional Empires, full of spite and -distrust for a republic. And then the Balkans! Nothing but sad -surprises could be awaited, from Roumania, whose king, Carol, had -bound himself by treaty to the fortunes of the Central Powers; from -Bulgaria, whose just grievances were being exploited by the enemy; -from Greece who was retained in this orbit by her king, the Kaiser's -brother-in-law! A fine piece of work by the Wilhelmstrasse! Fortin -exhibited the play of this far-sighted and prudent diplomacy, which had -been weaving its web for so long, and peopling the European thrones -with German princes and queens for the last fifty years. - -There was no gainsaying it. This fellow, Fortin, was deucedly -interesting! We were all listening, down to the most rowdy group, who -had little by little stopped talking and come up. There were but few -protestations now. Foreheads, furrowed by wrinkles, were unconsciously -bowed in assent. - -But there was a sudden climax. A dry voice made itself heard behind us. -We turned round. A lieutenant was standing on the threshold of the room. - -"Your name! I want the speaker's name!" - -We were all stupefied. Fortin got up. - -"And 'stand at attention' first of all." - -The other explained the position. He was pale. - -"Your company?" - -"The seventeenth." - -"You're a despicable worm! You dare to speak in such a way! You, a -French non-commissioned officer! What would a German say or do? Get -back to your quarters at once. You'll hear from me later." - -The officer's voice was trembling. Fortin did not reply. Liberty was -dead! He took down his belt which was hanging on a hook, shook the few -hands held out to him, then saluted and left the room. - -What a douche! A dismayed silence reigned for a few minutes. At last we -left the place, but even outside we hardly spoke. - -"Lieutenant Coudray, wasn't it?" - -"There's no knowing where this may end...." - -"Court-martial!" - -Ladmiraut unburdened himself. - -"Just what I said; Fortin exaggerates." - -"Exactly!" - -Everyone agreed that it was bound to happen. - -It seemed to me that our voices were lowered. Did we mistrust each -other? Really, the unexpected appearance of this officer!... Someone -must have gone to warn him.... These were nice times, certainly! - -We separated, and Guillaumin took me home as usual. - -"I don't wish him any ill," he said, "but you must confess that he was -asking for it!" - -"Who? Fortin?" - -"Yes." - -"Why?" - -"Oh, look here! He said enough to make one jump through the ceiling. -No, but can you see the Bosches calmly laying hands on Champagne and -Flanders!" - -I was still suffering from the effects of the irritation and -humiliation aroused in me by the intervention of the Lieutenant. I -could hear his cutting voice. Some rotter or other! But there was -nothing to be done, but to bow before his superior rank. - -It must be added that I had come under the depressing influence.... -What a hit it was at my illusions, at our groundless self-confidence! -To go and get killed for a cause we knew was already lost. Oh, it -really was the limit! - -A cold rage filled me. I vented it on poor Guillaumin to begin with. -He was on the point of returning to the subject of his Champagne and -his Flanders.... One would have thought they belonged to him and that -someone wanted to pick his pocket of them! - -None of that! I shut him up, and told him what an ass I thought him. -The dull resentment which had been heaped up in me by these first days -of subjection, rose up from the depths of my being. And I did not stop -at that; my egoism and the anarchism of my bad days rebelled. - -I suddenly announced that I hoped the socialistic agitations would come -to something. - -"What agitations?" Guillaumin asked. - -"Oh!" I said. "They were keeping quiet on the subject, by order! but -they existed, could not help existing in spite of certain recantations. -Would they smother the peoples' poignant cry for peace at any price, -much longer? War on the War!" Following up the bold refrain, I asserted -that I should like to see the workmen who had been called up, fire -their first shots at the instigators of the catastrophe, all these -statesmen, generals, and financiers of both countries, who were driving -two peaceful nations to the slaughter! As if all the political and -economic interests in the world were worth this massacre of innocents! - -I went further--or lower. I blush when I remember to what degrading -lengths I allowed myself to go. If our neighbours were really so -passionately anxious for the expansion of their "_Kultur_" as Fortin -had said they were, did he, Guillaumin, know what remained to be done? -Simply fold our arms and wait for them. They would not devour us, -or at least not all of us! We should be invaded? And then? Annexed? -What a misfortune that would be to be sure! There would be no more -France? Well, if she had to disappear, why not to-morrow, just as well -as in a hundred years!... All these tales of separate races, and of -native lands were simply the patter of disastrous phrase-makers.... -Let all those who believed them go and get killed for them. There -could be nothing more just! To the frontier with the enthusiasts, the -convinced--the imbeciles--who could not bear the idea of changing their -names. But as for us, for me, who did not care a blow about it all...! - -"Talk away!" said Guillaumin. - -"What?" - -"You won't take me in!" - -"How do you mean?" - -"You want to get a rise out of me!" - -"I?" - -"You'll fight as well as the best of them!" - -"Well, what will that prove?" - -He did not answer me. There was no need. I was at a loss for words. I -was pinked. - -Recall to reality. The time was past for weighing the reasons for and -against. The philosophic juggling. The superior sphere of action, -offered itself, nay imposed itself upon us.... Fortin, Guillaumin, I -myself; we were all in uniform, we were going to fight.... Then there -was only one thing to be done, to strain our muscles and our soul, to -stake our fate on hope and on faith in our cause. What folly to be -both judge and suitor. What grandeur in belief, even when absurd! - -If only I had been sure that I should fight as well as he said I -should! - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -CAVILLINGS - - -As it was my day on duty it fell to me to march the men who had -reported sick to the M.O. that morning. - -I should have liked to have time to cast an eye over my men's equipment -before the captain came to take kit inspection. My mind was not -entirely at ease on the subject, when, in passing, I had asked Corporal -Bouguet if he thought it would go all right, he had curtly replied that -he couldn't see everything, he hadn't got eyes all over his head. - -Sick parade naturally promised to take longer than usual. Captain Ribet -had made searching enquiries the day before and consulted the sick -lists. He had told of about twenty weaklings to report themselves to -the chief Medical Officer. I had not been surprised to catch sight of -De Valpic's name on the list which I had been told to hand over. - -Surgeon-major Bouchut, a stout, apoplectic-looking man, arrived in -a state of perspiration, and swearing hard began to sound the men's -hearts and lungs. He was not very ferocious to-day. He must have had -instructions to strike out the good-for-nothings. Whenever it was a -case of enteritis, rheumatism, or bronchitis he jerked out at me: - -"Oh, he'd better stay at the depôt!" - -Then, turning to the man, he would growl: - -"You'll have to stay behind my lad!" - -A well-set-up fellow out of my section came and announced: - -"I'm an old trooper, I am!" - -"Well, what about it?" - -"And so I shan't march." - -"Oh, you think so, do you?" - -"I never have marched." - -"A good opportunity to learn!" - -"It's on account of a slight rupture...." - -"Let's have a look!" - -Bouchut felt his groin. - -"You wear a truss, do you?" - -"Yes, sir-r!" - -"In that case you can walk round the world!" - -"But...." - -"Off with you! Brr! Next man now!" - -The next one on the list was De Valpic. I considered his thin body with -all the ribs showing. - -"What's the matter with you?" Bouchut asked. - -"Nothing much, sir, but the captain told me to...." - -Bouchut bent down over him: - -"Take a deep breath...." - -Just then a hubbub arose, an orderly was slating a man who had just -upset the bottle containing the tincture of iodine. - -"Can't you keep quiet, confound you!" - -But Bouchut's attention was again distracted by the arrival of a -surgeon-lieutenant. They gossiped for a moment and then returning at -last to De Valpic, he said: - -"Then you don't cough at all?" - -"Hardly at all, sir." - -"Do you want to go to the front?" - -"Certainly, sir." - -"Very well, then. Must not be overdone," he dictated to me. - -The examination came to an end. When I went out I came across the man -with the rupture again. He was cursing and swearing! "Well, if that -wasn't a shame! To make an old dragoon, with an illness like that, -walk! They were a set of bullies, that's what they were!..." But he'd -be even with them yet! He knew a thing or two. The first time they were -under fire, he would stagger, and let himself fall. But first, he was -going to write to Sembat, who was a pal of his. - -"Switch off Loriot!" somebody warned him. "Here come the N.C.O.'s!" - -I wondered whether I should pack him off to the defaulters' room.... -Perhaps it would raise my prestige, but I let the opportunity slip by, -and finally decided to have heard nothing. - -Guillaumin came up to me. He was bringing the letters from the barracks -and good-naturedly drew my attention to the fact that I was the one -who ought to have gone to fetch them. He agreed in addition to be -responsible for their distribution. He was rummaging in his pockets. - -"There's a post card for you." - -A post card really! I was not expecting anything. A few lines from my -father and a note from Laquarriére, in answer to one I had written him, -was all I had received since the beginning. - -I looked at the post mark; illegible. I did not recognise the -handwriting, it was feminine. I turned to the signature: "Jeannine!" - -The little Landry girl! - -What does she think of it all? I wondered, amused. She, who would not -hear of war! I remembered our trifling on that railway platform.... -What a short time ago it was ... and yet it seemed so long. She -had written very closely. I noted her graceful attempt to write me -something beyond the usual commonplace remarks. She gave a short -description of their railway journey. On hearing the great news, they -had gone to Geneva (a reassuring atmosphere), and on to Paris the day -after. Since then they had settled down again as well as might be, -and without a maid, at St. Mandé. But what about me? I was far more -interesting! In barracks, no doubt? Or perhaps already on my way to the -front? They were counting on my being able to let ... friends, know how -I was getting on. The card ended with these words, "We think of you a -great deal." - -I re-read it; I was touched. I would certainly answer this delightful -girl very soon! I should have liked to do so at once; but a stupid -feeling of bashfulness forbade my seeming in too much of a hurry. - - * * * * * - -We assembled for the inspection. The men came on to parade, one by -one, staggering under their packs, which were continually slipping and -having to be hoisted up again, with a jerk of their shoulders. All at -once they realised that the inspection was not a mere matter of form. -Beginning with the first platoon the captain stopped in front of each -man. - -Guillaumin whispered to me: - -"His eyes are skinned right enough." - -Corporal Bouguet continued to look at me sourly. Donnadieu, -sandy-haired and stolid, when I questioned him, shook his head, and did -not seem to want to be answerable for anything either. - -We had half-an-hour's wait, which was distinctly unnerving. Our turn -came at last. - -Bouguet was examined first and passed as impeccable. Thank Heaven! And -his neighbour, Siméon, too. I was beginning to breathe more freely. The -captain escorted by the company quartermaster-sergeant stopped in front -of Paquette, a villager with a blank expression. - -"Take off your valise. That's right! Now open it. Let's see your -housewife ... and the inside...." - -The man cautiously emptied the contents, consisting of three old -buttons and some rusty pins, into his hand. - -"No needles? Or thread?" - -"We haven't been given any, sir." - -"What's this? They were given out yesterday. What's the meaning of -this, sergeant?" - -"That's right, sir!" I said. - -The captain raised his voice. - -"Hands up! in the 11th and 12th those who've got no needles or thread." - -Three or four arms, then seven, eight, ten, were raised. - -"Extremely important! Tears are not rare occurrences in the field, nor -are burst buttons. And if you've nothing to mend them with! A pair of -trousers which won't keep up, means a man out of action!" - -He went on to the next man, Judsi! - -"Got your body belt?" - -Judsi shook his head grotesquely. - -"Don't wear one, sir!" - -"Did you draw one?" - -"Yes, sir!" - -"What's become of it?" - -Judsi made a movement expressive of ignorance. - -"Someone probably nabbed it, sir! Seein' as I don't wear one." - -The captain turned to me. - -"So, you don't see to all this?" - -I protested that I had told him.... - -"Told him! Told him!... You see the result! When you have ten or -fifteen men down with dysentery...!" - -He went on to the next. It was done on purpose. Here, a shoulder strap -had come unsewn, there one or two buttons missing, this képi had no -chin-strap, that bayonet was rusty, a certain rifle was not properly -cleaned. Where was the lantern belonging to No. 11 half-section? And -the camp gear! It was quite clear that it had been badly distributed. -The captain dropped straight on to the weak spot and emphasised it -coldly. - -When the non-commissioned officers were collected afterwards, he gave -vent to his feelings. - -"It's lucky we're not going off this evening! That would be a nice -state of affairs! No. 3 platoon is a positive disgrace! I am speaking -of section No. 2! Sergeant Dreher, at one o'clock I shall inspect your -half-sections and I can assure you that if anything goes wrong this -time!" He twirled his long moustache. I was frightfully annoyed. What -irritated me above everything was the ironical satisfaction shown by -several of my fellow N.C.O.'s; I tried to excuse myself. - -"It was my day on duty, sir!" - -But Ravelli interrupted: - -"Oh, it was you, was it? I wondered who it could be.... You never -turned up." - - * * * * * - -I was filled with a wild desire to fall upon my corporals, but Bouguet -was waiting for me, bristling with rage. Ready to bite his head off I -turned upon Donnadieu, who put on a vexed, sheepish expression. - -I swore at the men roundly, in the approved N.C.O. style. Did they -think they could snap their fingers at me? Getting me cursed like that! -So they weren't even capable of appearing in service marching order? So -jolly difficult, wasn't it? - -"Such humbug from a blooming plug!" Judsi muttered. - -I told them about the supplementary inspection, and moderated my tone -in view of their obvious bad temper. - -"Come along, let's look alive. Everyone must do his bit!" - -Cook-house door had gone. Lamalou exclaimed: - -"Arf a mo'. Carn't work on an empty belly." - -A long hour elapsed before any one deigned to start work again and -even then they did not put their backs into it. I was horrified at the -number of dirty mess-tins and water-bottles, of uncleaned boots, and -above all, of the fittings missing; sets of "pull throughs" had to be -complete in groups of four! Stores orders must be got and signed by the -company sergeant-major, and the things drawn ... and the time was being -frittered away in dawdling and gossiping. I think the knaves did it on -purpose. My remarks all fell on deaf ears, whatever tone I adopted--I -tried them all! I felt a sort of jeering hostility rising against me -which infuriated me, though I did not let them see it. - -Bouillon luckily lent a hand. Having once had the rank of corporal, he -still retained a certain hold over his comrades. - -He laid himself out and was here, there, and everywhere, lavishing -rebukes and fisticuffs. - -When Captain Ribet reappeared at the time arranged everything went -well. The inspection was even more minute than it had been in the -morning, but this time he found only a few infinitesimal details to -criticise. - -When he left he said to me: - -"Aren't you more satisfied?" - -I did not answer, but met his remark with the regulation coldness. - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION - - -The presentation of the Colours was announced for three o'clock. We -would willingly have dispensed with climbing up to the parade-ground! -Goodness knows I was not looking forward to the ceremony. - -Our company was the last to arrive. A major wearing an eye-glass, urged -his horse past us. He was an insolent, bloated-looking creature, with a -sallow complexion, and greeted our company officer with a bitter-sweet -remark which the latter, to my delight, acknowledged in the same tone. - -The colonel appeared. He was quite white, although still young, a -cavalier of imperious bearing. With his manly face and his moustache he -reminded one strongly of "Dumény" in _La Flambée_. - -He rode slowly up and down among our ranks. Chests were thrown out at -his approach. He made a few remarks in a firm but kindly tone. Then the -order was given to the two battalions to close up into a semi-circle. - -Controlling his mount, the colonel looked round on us proudly, and -began to harangue us. - -I listened. I had come in a sarcastic frame of mind. What could he say -that would not be stale or commonplace? - -Indeed I had foreseen this issue of ready-made phrases on the decisive -importance of the struggle upon which we were embarking; it was a -question of safeguarding our country and our lives against a nation -which was becoming a menace to the human race.... But the inflections -of a manly voice conferred a certain grandeur on the hackneyed theme. - -"A fine actor," I repeated to myself. "More and more like Dumény!" - -I tried, like this, to avoid being carried away, then I began to -give in. I admitted that a certain beauty resulted from the perfect -harmony between his words and their object. I read in the men's face -the revelation of a virtue, until now unknown even to them. For the -first time I had the intuition that these peasants and working-men and -_bourgeois_, for the most part doltish, narrow-minded beings, would, if -certain chords in them were touched, be capable of great things.... - -And what about me? Oh! I should be an on-looker as usual! That would be -quite enough for me. - -The colonel concluded: - -"Now, my friends, you are about to march past your Colours. They are -new, they have not been under fire, they do not bear the names of -glorious victories in their folds like their seniors of the 1st.... -Well, it is for us to dower them." - -A thrill ran through the ranks, then the whole mass stood like stone. -The bugles sounded the vehement, tragic call which always shakes me -physically. - -We marched rapidly in column of fours up towards the bugles which -called and guided us with their heroic flourish. I suddenly wished -I could shed my egoism and vibrate in unison with the two thousand -men, who, in this hour, were being consecrated my brothers in arms. -I flogged my imagination. The Colours. The word echoed within me, -awakening a procession of sacred memories and emotions. I could see -myself as a child at the window with my mother leaning over me, -clapping my hands to salute the standard of the "8th Cuirassiers" in -front of which rode my father, very upright on his big black horse. -At that time I used to revel in the many tales of heroes who let -themselves be killed rather than abandon the staff, or expended a -prodigious amount of cunning in order to save the remnants of it. - -Were not these Colours the emblem of the country we had risen to -defend, the symbol of everything that could raise our soldiers' hearts? -My bosom swelled at these thoughts. We were drawing nearer to it; I -fixed ardent eyes on it.... - -It was certainly beautiful, half unfurled in the breeze, with its rich -fresh tints and fringe of gold. A sub-lieutenant, looking very pale and -proud, was holding it firmly against his hip. - -The din of the bugles increased, filling our hearts.... We passed by.... - -And yet no! No! My ... irreverence rebelled. To become excited over -this tinsel, these few yards of painted stuff! Had I hoped for this -thing? I had not yet got so far! - - * * * * * - -Our last evening--strict confinement to barracks. - -I had retired to my hay-loft. I leant my elbows on the window-sill -overlooking the garden. - -I was surprised to hear the murmur of voices below me. I leant out and -saw a couple there. - -When I recognised little Frémont and his wife, sitting side by side -on a stone bench, my first feeling was one of vague impatience. The -separation of husband and wife! A touching subject for the pen! - -How had they managed to slip in there? A chance word which reached my -ears explained it. The principal's wife had had pity on them and had -given them the key. The little wife had contrived that; she had not -been able to bear the idea of being deprived of her Marcel on the last -evening. - -I considered her sardonically. "Let's have a look at this woman in -love!" - -I have already said what my opinion of her was. I never thought I -should change it. This evening, however, though her features were -already merging with the growing twilight, it seemed to me that her -face shone with a rarer radiance. Was it her love that transfigured -this child? - -She had taken off her hat and was leaning her brown head on her -husband's shoulder, while he held her close, his arm round her waist. -Their foreheads and eyes and lips caressed each other. They were -talking below their breath. No other sound but the rustle of the wind -disturbed the deep silence. - -I was indiscreet enough to play the eavesdropper. - -She was the one who spoke the most, in little, plaintive, tender -phrases, like the twittering of birds. I could only follow the general -trend of her remarks, but it was enough for me to see that she was not -bemoaning herself lest she should rob him of his courage. She only -dwelt in retrospect on the happy weeks they had spent together. Many -injunctions followed. They would be sure to write to each other every -day, and think of each other all the while. - -I found it easier to catch his grave, reassuring replies. The tone -of his voice baffled me. Here was Frémont, the retiring little man, -with shy manners, who liked to keep in the background and always asked -advice, appearing in the rôle of comforter! His protecting fondness -enfolded his beloved. - -I continued to lean out above them, my elbows on the stone window-sill, -my hands joined. My malevolence gradually subsided. - -That this was merely the repetition of a scene which had been enacted -all through the ages, no longer seemed to me a sufficient reason to -smile at it. On the contrary, I was stirred by the thought of the -eternal chain of loves and partings. - -Night had fallen. The trees in the orchard seemed so many phantoms. Not -a light to be seen. Some birds flew silently across the night air. I -could hardly distinguish the two lovers now, but it seemed to me that -their lips had sought and found each other. There was silence for a -short space. Then a sentence was breathed softly. A voice trembled into -tears. I gathered from certain allusions that she was afraid, though -she did not say so, that he might never see their little child. - -Sitting there motionless, I dedicated my pitying sympathy to them and -thought how few men there were among all the thousands I had seen -marching past this afternoon, who were not leaving some woman at home, -wife or lover, and some child of their flesh.... Poor souls! How -terrible their grief must be! I ought to have congratulated myself -on the fact that I was leaving nothing behind me. Why did I now so -poignantly regret my solitude; did I envy the farewells uttered amid -tears and the sealing of vows? - -There was a noise behind me: Guillaumin. I left the window, an -instinctive delicacy of feeling prevented me from drawing his -attention to the presence of the couple in the garden. - -We went down into the yard again. My companion was in tremendous form. -He held forth on a hundred and one subjects, and I agreed with him -absent-mindedly. My thoughts were wandering capriciously. I thought -of my brother Victor for whose safe return someone was praying.... A -strange insistent idea kept recurring to my mind, of writing to the -girl who had thought of me yesterday. - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -A RETURN OF EGOISM - - -The last distribution of stores had just taken place--biscuits, -haversack rations, and iron rations. Cartridges too, fifteen packets a -head; a pretty tough load, in addition to everything else. A lot of men -were grousing about where they should put them. - -The worst of it was that there was some surplus. The company commander -who was passing said: - -"You're not going to leave those behind, mind!" - -I took two extra packets, and Guillaumin four. He remarked: - -"This is the most necessary part of your equipment, you chaps, don't -you make any mistake about that!" - -He had few imitators. Playoust, who was prowling round, jeered. - -"For the Bosches? But my dear fellow you won't see any for six weeks!" - -It was not at all encouraging. Lamalou happened to turn up, and as an -old stager, at once exclaimed: - -"Shove one along, and let's 'ave a look!" - -He had formerly been in one of the flying columns in Morocco where the -replenishment of ammunition was a difficulty. Guillaumin threw him a -packet. - -"Catch!" - -The other caught it in mid air, then another, and another, five, ten, -fifteen. That doubled his load and he went on shouting. - -"Another! And another! Just to make 'em dance!" - -His example was decisive. Five minutes later there was nothing left of -the heap. - -"The creature knows how to make himself useful!" I thought. It was a -pity he drank so much! He had just got into new and serious trouble. A -scandal in a pub, as usual--the officer on rounds had reported him--he -had been imprisoned--and the company sergeant-major was innocently -congratulating himself upon having got rid of him! - -But the captain got him out, and made a point of having a -heart-to-heart talk with him. What could he have threatened him with? -With leaving him at the depôt I think. The other had to promise to be -good, he reappeared triumphant. - -"A regular brick, the Captain." - -Ravelli could not get over it. - - * * * * * - -At two o'clock I began to get ready; we were to start at four. I was -fully equipped; nothing was missing. My pockets were stuffed with the -endless little necessaries for which there was no room elsewhere: -tooth-brush, medicine-case, string, pocket-knife, lighter, electric -torch. Bouillon had conscientiously tidied me up and cleaned my -equipment. In consideration of what I owed him, I had tipped him ten -francs. He hesitated. It was a large sum! I insisted upon his taking -it. I did not like being indebted to people. - -I was alone in our room. I had just slipped my swollen pack over my -shoulder. My water-bottle was lying on a shelf above me. I reached out -my hand to take it. Ugh! it slipped out of my hand, and fell on to the -tiles. - -Damn--oh, damn. Supposing it leaked! - -I ran to a tap and began to fill it. - -Yes, there was no doubt about it. It was done for! - -I was in despair. Nothing worse could have happened to me. I knew the -incomparable value of a few drops of moisture at critical moments. -When you are exhausted and choked by the sun and the dust, there is -nothing like a drop of water on a piece of sugar, or a thimbleful of -rum to revive you. And on a route march too you are sustained by the -mere thought that you are carrying with you this source of refreshment. -And I who had taken such care, and was so pleased at having this clean -well-corked water-bottle.... What odiously bad luck! My whole campaign -seemed to me to be poisoned by it.... - -Bouillon arrived on the scene. Directly I had told him, distractedly, -of my misfortune. - -"Good heavens!" he said, "that it should 'appen just now! It's far too -late to get it soldered!" - -I sighed. He looked round the room. - -"W'y not sneak one?" - -As I shrugged my shoulders. He continued: - -"I'll undertake the job if yer like?" - -"But how?" - -"Oh, I'll get one from someone or other." - -"You mustn't touch Guillaumin's things, mind." - -"No, 'e's in the section. Wot abaht this one?" - -"De Valpic's?" - -"All right! Wait a minute!" - -"But I say, he...?" - -I hesitated. - -"He would notice it! The cases are marked, look...." - -"Don't you go an' worry yerself abaht that now! You've only got to -change them! You go an' keep an eye on the door...." - -I went and watched the corridor. I was consumed by a lively remorse. -But what did it matter! Each one must fend for himself! He would have -to get out of the difficulty as best he could. After all there was -nothing more usual in the regiment than these sly thefts. Why, someone -had relieved me of one of my brushes only the day before yesterday! I -blamed myself for my horrible selfishness, but I had practised it for -so long. The opportunity was too tempting! Anything rather than to -suffer, hour after hour, from thirst or the fear of thirst! And did I -not promise myself--hypocrite that I was--to share my ration of water -with the comrade I had despoiled? - -In the twinkling of an eye Bouillon had dexterously drawn the two -bottles out of their cloth cases, and effected the exchange. - -"Nobody will ever be any the wiser!" - -De Valpic came in soon after and noticed nothing. - - * * * * * - -I can hear the whistle. Quick march! We shook ourselves.... That was a -never-to-be-forgotten moment. - -I was in the rear of the section. I considered our column; expressions -and attitudes at that moment imprinted themselves on my memory. Fifteen -yards in front at the head of the section Guillaumin was marching -along with his usual swing. I ran an eye over my half-sections. Here -were Gaudéreaux and Trichet; there was Judsi, the buffoon, giving an -imitation of the goose step; Lamalou with his képi _à la_ Knut. Loriot, -the man with the rupture, gloomy and already dragging his leg along -affectedly; my corporals, Donnadieu, a little pale, sandy-haired man -gripping the butt of his rifle convulsively. Bouguet, extremely fit, -turning round to see that all his men were there. - -It gave one the impression of a holiday parade. I have mentioned the -windows decorated with bunting, the men's rifles and packs too were -ornamented with little flags. And the flowers! In one section, Trichet, -who was a gardener by trade, had procured great bundles of them. They -had been distributed among the different half-sections. The other -sergeants had been given roses or dahlias by their men. I had been -forgotten, and when Bouillon, who was annoyed about it, had brought me -some geraniums just as we were starting, I refused them with thanks! -Quite unnecessary! I alone was clear-headed. You would have thought -that I alone knew to what a sinister revel we were hastening. - -Left! Right! We were all marching at the same pace, towards our -mysterious destiny. For how many of us had Fate signed the order -of arrest! I tried to pick out the first victims. Was it that -block-head--Henry, I think, they called him--who would be picked up in -a fortnight's time, with his leg or head torn off? A big dark fellow -was laughing, showing his teeth in a huge guffaw. I mentally put him -down as not being one of those who would come back. This ghastly game -fascinated me. - -On getting to the main street we halted for a time and waited to take -our place in the regiment. The bugles passed by. - - Sol mi: Sol do! - La classe s'en va! - -Then we followed the stream. - -A line had formed three-deep along each pavement. All F----, all the -neighbouring country was crowded there. Our departure effected the -country even more than that of the regulars. These men from twenty-five -to thirty years old were the married youth, who had taken root and -founded a family. Drawn up in the doorways, or leaning from the -windows, women and children, with all their heart, were shouting: - -"Long live the 3rd...!" - -A territorial called out: - -"Halloa boys? We're coming on the day after to-morrow!" - -"Hm! At a safe distance!" Judsi retorted gaily. - -The men waved and smiled at their relations and friends who had come -up, but nothing further; there was no chance of hanging behind, or -falling out. Even Judsi soon gave up his tomfoolery; each one felt -instinctively that a brave bearing would influence the people's -confidence. - -The clamour round us continued to increase: - -"Long live France! Long live the 3rd...." - -The distant voice of the bugles only reached us in snatches now, but -we marched in step all the same. The collective excitement went to my -head. I marched with my eye fixed in front of me, my rifle glued to my -shoulder, a soldier among these soldiers. - -When we got into the Avenue de la Gare, I caught sight of De Valpic, -guide to the 2nd section. He had half-turned round, and was leaning -to one side, with an anxious expression. I suddenly thought of his -water-bottle, filled just as we were leaving. Drops must be trickling -from it now at every step. - -I was ashamed of myself. I despised myself. If I did not go quite as -far as to vow to make amends for this villainy--and how I should have -set about it I do not know--at least I swore that it should be my last; -yes, the very last. - -I was going to be born anew, and quite different. My heart was beating -more warmly. Carried away by the rapidity of the pace, uplifted by -the untiring acclamations of the crowd, it seemed to me that I was -out-distancing the man I had been. - - - - -PART II - - - - -_BOOK IV_ - -_August 9th-12th_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -UNDER WAY - - -The bugle sounded. We might get out. - -Versailles. How these platforms swarmed! Ten convoys, like ours, with -their carriages decorated in the same way with flags and branches -of green leaves, scribbled over with harmless inscriptions and -caricatures, had turned out, topsyturvy, this crowd of soldiers in -chequered uniforms. The hubbub was tremendous. Everyone seemed in the -best of spirits. There were flowers in every cap. We were forbidden to -go far. As a matter of fact, no one thought of such a thing, we had -to take care not to lose our company, and section. We hardly ventured -as far as the fountains of drinking water. Having awaited my turn for -it, I went up just after Judsi. I actually felt inclined to smack him -on the back, he was so tantalising with his trick of drinking with his -lips glued to the tap. - -Guillaumin told me when I joined him that the halt was to last for -an hour. We might take a turn! We amused ourselves for a moment, by -watching some horses being entrained--by no means an easy job. They -were hoisting them in with slings. Their place of export was marked -"Remount depôt Saint-Lô." Guillaumin nudged me with his elbow. - -"Some concentration, what!" - -It was true. All the Brittany lines, most of those from Normandy and -Atlantic coast, converged there, bringing with them the blood of a -third, or almost a third, of France. - -We got back into the train. Evening was coming on. Guillaumin and I -were to keep order in the truck; forty men in our charge. To begin with -everyone had submitted to the restrictions concerning the arrangement -of packs and rifles. Now the confusion began. A lot of them had got -hold of their packs again to make a pillow, and most of them began to -shed their equipment. - -Lamalou set about moving the seats. I interfered. He began to argue -about it. Guillaumin had to join in, and Bouillon too. - -We started off again. Were we going to skirt Paris on the north or the -south? We soon found out. The train approached the gradient at Buc. We -watched in vain for some aeroplanes. Judsi exclaimed: - -"Wot are you thinkin' of! They've all gone orf to Berlin!" - -There were brief stops at small stations. The same scene was repeated -every time: idlers crowding up to the railings to cheer us and we -replying with shouts of "Death to the Bosches!" "Down with the Kaiser!" -solely out of politeness, in order not to disappoint all these people -who had waited so long. There was no longer the frank enthusiasm there -had been just now on leaving F----. The men were getting tired. The -Red Cross members who distributed chocolate, fruit, and post-cards -in profusion were no longer hailed with the same delight. Loriot and -Lamalou ended by grumbling because they were so stingy with the wine. - -The night fell, and with it what was left of cheerfulness. Judsi was -the last to give in. He picked out well-known airs and set new words -to them, ineffable drivel, beyond all description, and probably of his -own composition. The coarsest sallies still raised a few laughs. These -echoes of an inane merriment were becoming quite unbearable. - -I thought of shutting the men up altogether. Guillaumin dissuaded me -from doing so: - -"Take care you don't get yourself disliked!" - -It was getting dark. Corporal Donnadieu lit the section lantern. Where -was it to be hung? To that hook in the middle of the ceiling. It swung -backwards and forwards giving a flickering light. - -Everyone was making preparations now, for going to sleep. A small -number occupied the seats, the rest were stretched on the floor. They -formed tangled groups in the shadows. Good-humoured elbow digs and -expostulations were exchanged. - -Guillaumin had lain down beside me, with his own head on his pack, -and that of one of his corporals fitted between his knees. He became -expansive and exclaimed: - -"How's this for up-to-date comfort!" - -It was a stifling evening. I was hot and uncomfortable, as I had -not even had the courage to undo my belt. We had had a cold supper. -The smell of cheese and sausage still hung about. It was the first -taste of the promiscuousness. As long as the two doors were open, the -atmosphere was breathable. But here was Bouguet, who had just lain -down, shouting: - -"What do you say to shutting the door. There's a beastly draught." - -Some coarse aside of Judsi's raised roars of merriment. - -Lamalou sat up. - -"Let's shut the door." - -I shouted from the end of the carriage: - -"Steady on! You must leave room for a little air to get in!" - -Lamalou took no notice. - -"Didn't you hear?" asked Bouillon. "The sergeant's orders were to leave -it open!" - -Bouguet objected. - -"Do you want us all to catch our death of cold, sergeant? Besides it's -the rule that doors must be kept shut at night." - -Guillaumin raised himself, and whispered to me: - -"The chap's quite right, you know!" - -"How's that?" - -"The _poilus_ will roll off into the scenery when they go to sleep." - -This prospect was disquieting. I said no more, but let them do as they -liked. A minute afterwards I complained of the stuffiness. - -"Why not have the ventilator opened?" Guillaumin suggested. - -"What ventilator?" - -He was obliging enough to get up and feel about to find the bolt. The -shutter slid along in the groove. A scrap of sky showed through, and -some fleecy clouds shining in the moonlight. I announced that I should -like to spend my night at the window. - -"Are you quite off your chump? Try to have a snooze!" - -"I'm not sleepy." - -I groped along avoiding the slumberers and reached the seat near the -wall. I succeeded in pulling myself up, and leaning my elbows on the -opening, I breathed in the delicious night air. - -Our convoy was crawling along at a monotonous pace, through the -darkness. It seemed of an immoderate length, dark from end to end, -except in the centre, where the light from the officer's saloon shone -on the ballast. By leaning out while we went round the curves I could -make out the fire in the engine, a curtain of purple, with fantastic -shadows moving against it. Our whistle often blew, and others answered -stridently from the distance. The regular clank of the wheels on the -rails was audible, and a minute red dot could sometimes be seen at the -end of a straight piece of line--the tail light of the train ahead of -us. - -There were thousands of fleecy clouds scattered over the sky, all lit -up on the same side by the pale rays of the moon. We were leaving -the Vallée de la Bièvre. The surrounding country was growing flat. A -far-spreading horizon soon became visible beyond the open fields. Then -the radiance of Paris rose into sight. - -It was impossible to mistake it for the translucent band of a -mysterious, tender blue which still lingered in the west. It resembled -rather the afterglow of a sunrise or of a huge fire. The silhouettes -of houses and trees stood out in the foreground like Chinese shadows -against the glowing distance. - -The City of Light! I revelled in the vision and the symbol, both -equally imposing. What a part this city had played in history! How -feverishly she throbbed to-day. I blamed myself for having failed to -take advantage of the magnificent opportunity which had been within -my reach the other day. Ought I not, with more fellow-feeling and -enthusiasm, to have mixed with the crowd, and roamed day and night in -search of the secret of Paris, which was also the secret of France! I -remembered the boulevards brilliant in their multi-coloured lights, the -crowd crushing against the windows of the big daily papers.... - -Fresh news would be appearing on the tapes at this hour. What would -it be? We had not been able to get a paper all day, but a persistent -rumour had reached us: "Mulhouse!" ... - -Was it a prelude to victory? Was Paris illuminated? Perhaps.... -But what if it were one of those ephemeral successes? What evil -presentiment enslaved me? Was I still under Fortin's influence? (Fortin -who was never mentioned now except in a whisper. We knew he was -confined to his cell: awaiting trial by Court Martial.) - -Paris! Why should I dream of defeat? Paris, our head and our heart! -Paris as hostage! As martyr perhaps! I pictured the horde of Barbarians -pitching their tents in the country we were slipping through, turning -their guns on to the glittering capital. Where would their fury end? -What would be left of these buildings, this glory, which seemed -destined for immortality? These were gloomy visions. Sick at heart, I -longed with more ardour than I had lately longed for anything on earth, -for the miraculous miscarriage of this probability. - -If there was one thing at which I was astonished, it was at not finding -most of my companions at the ventilators like myself. To send Paris -a last greeting! They must all, or nearly all, be feeling that all -they counted dear, was shut up within those walls. I who had no one -there--nor anywhere else either for that matter--this thought shook -me. Nobody. My father? Was a stranger, as I have already said. I -thought nevertheless of his farewell, of his fugitive tenderness, due -to obscure ties of the blood. Who else was there? Laquarrière? If he -thought of me it would certainly be to congratulate himself on being -safely in shelter, while I was risking.... Nobody. There really was -nobody! - -And yet my eyes probed the darkness, my glance was unconsciously drawn -in a certain direction.... In that suburb, I could imagine a street, -a house, ... in that house someone ... someone who had written!--"We -think of you a great deal...." - -An idle dream and one which passed. - - * * * * * - -There was a metallic rattle. We were crossing the Seine. Still a few -more miles to go, through the dark countryside. An important station -was coming soon. Myriad lamps lit up countless railway lines. - -Our speed slackened, till we slowed down to a walking pace. We slowly -skirted endless pavements. I could distinguish retreating uniforms and -piles of arms. An artillery sentry gave me a friendly wave. - -"What station do you come from?" I shouted to him. - -"Marseilles!" he replied. - -His warm Southern accent had made me start. How many convoys had he -seen rolling past in the same direction during the few hours he had -been there with his battery. The concentration! The idea of this -gigantic operation made one think: these trains whose time-tables -had been arranged months, no years, in advance, these hundreds upon -hundreds of trains flashing across the country in every direction; -skirting gulfs and mountains, crossing the rivers, flowing in from -every extremity of France, carrying the immense masses of war material, -and the harvest of young men. Caught up in this huge mechanism, -this invisible unity, what a small thing I was, for all my pride of -intellect! - - * * * * * - -A new tack soon threw us off the main lines. I occasionally turned -round to look into the interior of the carriage, where the men were -sleeping, livid beneath the swinging lantern, like corpses, I thought, -at the bottom of a sunken submarine. - -I stayed like this for a long time, half-awake and half-dreaming. In -what direction were we going? To Maubeuge? Or Châlons? I remember a -long stop in the middle of the night on a siding on the outskirts of -Noisy-le-Sec. - -Some of the men were awake, eating bread and cheese. I felt a tap on my -shoulder. - -"Well, are you going to make up your mind to it?" Guillaumin asked me. - -"To what?" - -I yawned. - -"To take a nap. Why you're so sleepy you can hardly stand up! Come -along and lie down!" - -"Where? There's no room!" - -"What about my place?" - -I declined it with thanks. He insisted. Oh, come along! It was his turn -to take the air! - -Very well. I gave in. We started off again. The outlook was no longer -so attractive. The glow of Paris had faded into the distance, and the -moon had just sunk behind the deep blue horizon. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -HARASSED, ALREADY - - -When I woke, dawn was stealing in by the door which was once more open. -Judsi had installed himself at it, his legs dangling outside. We all -looked the worse for wear and had puffy faces. - -Where were we? It was dreary, barren country, an indefinite switchback -of bald ridges. The rocky part of Champagne apparently. Exactly. A few -minutes later our train drew up at Rheims. - -The weather was dull and drizzly. We felt cold when we got out: the men -began to stamp their feet. We N.C.O.'s joined up together. Descroix -and Humel complained bitterly of stiffness. The filthy carriages! Must -have been made on purpose for us! Everyone was sighing for his coffee. -Guillaumin preached patience. Frémont had wandered off to scribble a -letter. De Valpic was pale and silent and heavy-eyed. - -I left them and went in search of some clean water. When I came back, -tidied up and much refreshed, coffee had been brought. The tin drinking -cups were plunged at will into the "dixeys." It was scalding! A real -treat! There was "rooty" too. And the sun came out: we were reviving. - -Soon, a circle formed round Lieutenant Henriot. In order to make -himself pleasant Playoust had put certain questions to him concerning -the strategical situation. The other at once owned that he had had -certain hints from the colonel--oh, it was official then!--certain -indications.... - -I drew near. He spread out a map on a seat, and began to speak with -great fluency.... I tried for a moment to follow him, but disobliging -shoulders got in the way. He was pointing out certain landmarks and -routes, and giving the names of towns and villages. It was all a closed -book to me! I got tired of it and went off; I was inclined to mistrust -these perorations by a subaltern. - -Our train was shunted back, and we started again. - -I was tired and peevish, and fumed at the length of our journey. -Eighteen hours already, and we were nowhere near the end! - -Our destination still remained a mystery, a problem which disquieted us. - -Guillaumin plumped for Sedan, and worried me to tell him what I thought. - -"What on earth does it matter to me?" - -"Do you think they'll come back as far as that?" - -To annoy him, I said: - -"Sure to!" - -He exclaimed: - -"Well, to be going on with, you know we're at Mulhouse! Absolutely -official!" - - * * * * * - -On the outskirts of Ste.-Menehould, there was a prolonged halt, without -permission to get out. Another convoy was standing on a side line. -There were some _poilus_ on the platform. Bouillon drew attention to -their regimental numbers. They belonged to our division. The men at -once called to each other, and asked them to join in a drink. Everyone -was delighted. It seemed little short of marvellous to find neighbours -from their part of the world, Beaucerons, so far from home! - -A new start. The country was becoming hilly and picturesque. There were -some gorges and then a long tunnel. There was no more doubt about the -direction we were taking! Corporal Bouguet, who had served his term -with the 4th, was most emphatic: we were taking a bee-line to Verdun! - -Good! the idea of fighting under the shelter of a powerful fortress was -not displeasing. - -Two hours more. The valley of the Meuse was reached, Verdun attained, -and then left behind.... The deuce! Were they going to detrain us at -the frontier in the first line...? - -No, a few miles farther on, the train stopped in the depths of the -country. There was a bugle call, and Henriot shouted: - -"Here we are!" - -"Where?" - -"At Charny, the terminus. Out you get! And no disorder, you understand!" - -In three minutes we were on the ground, arms and baggage and all. - -The captain passed by. - -"You're not over-tired?" - -Lamalou thumped his chest. - -"In the pink, sir!" - -"So much the better, because you've got a nice little walk before you!" - -Some long faces were pulled. It was nearly midday. We had had nothing -to eat and the heat was killing. - -"Now we return to business!" said Judsi. - -We went into the neighbouring field through a gap in the hedge. -Gaudéreaux bent down and picked up a clod of earth. He sniffed at it. - -"Pooh!" he said. "It ain't up to ours!" - -The lieutenant heard him, and reproved him for it. - -"It's the same thing, it's French soil. It's what we are going to be -killed for." - -Did he count on producing an effect? The other gazed at him, -dumbfounded! - - * * * * * - -A little walk indeed! I chewed the word with rage during the seven -hours that this march lasted. Did they think it was the right way...? -The right way to discourage the men! - -No respite except the hourly halts, and they managed to cheat over -them, by not whistling until the hour, or an hour and five minutes was -up, or cutting them short by two minutes! - -If there was one thing that astonished me it was the goodwill and -endurance, which I saw manifested all round me. "Grouse," the first -day? Oh no, that was out of the question! A praiseworthy resolution! -When going through the villages, the men found a way, even when -absolutely done up, of putting on a spurt, and making eyes at all the -pretty girls! - -Judsi sang snatches of very doubtful songs, which made some of them -laugh, while others, their more flighty sisters, blew us kisses. - -Corporal Bouguet all at once started a marching song: the men joined in -the chorus: the captain did not interfere, but the commanding officer -came rushing up, a pot-bellied puppet, perched up on his big horse. Oh, -come along! What was all this? Would they shut up? Would they never -think of the war as something to be taken seriously? - -This rating was upsetting. Another incident helped to damp their -spirits. The distracted group we passed on the roadside ... a -lieutenant, a corporal, the cyclist, and an auxiliary medical officer, -surrounding a man stretched on the ground, a reservist who had just -fallen out. I caught sight of a violet face and glassy eyes. - -The rumour spread that it was a fit. - -The name of the man was soon discovered; he belonged to the 21st -company, and was named Gaspard Métairie, a coppersmith from F----. -Dead? Oh, yes! lying there like a log! I listened to the men's remarks. -Poor wretch! It made one's heart bleed. So soon. And so stupidly. If it -had been some of the Bosches' work there would have been nothing to be -said. But like that! Simply tired out! Fathers of families, just think! -Carrying the full weight!... But what was the good of fussing? The war -would not be over this evening! - -"Oh, a lot they care wot becomes of us," Loriot said. "I'm done, I am!" - -He retired on to the footpath. - -"What's the matter now?" I shouted to him. - -"No good. Can't go on!" - -"What can't go on?" - -"I can't. I'm an old trooper, I am!" - -He stopped and tried to sit down. The whole column slowed down, much -interested and amused. - -"March up, confound you!" - -The captain overtook us. - -"What's up?" - -My nerves were on edge. I don't know what put the whim into my head, -but I gave a dry description of the scene at which I had assisted, the -verdict given by the Medical Officer, and the man's recriminations, -swearing that he would make a point of falling at the first shot. - -Loriot was hugging himself and pretending to be in awful pain. - -The captain did not pronounce an opinion. - -"Stay with him, Sergeant; you will report him to the Medical Officer." - -So we waited. Loriot sulking and livid with rage. I irritated at the -thought that this task ought to have fallen to Playoust, the sergeant -of the day. - -The companies, as they marched past included us in the same glance of -ironical pity. - -Surgeon-Major Bouchut recognised his "client," as he called him, at the -first glance. - -"Ah! It's hurting you, is it? Easy enough to say so! I can't examine -you here. Come along, jump in there! We shall soon see!" - -Under my very eyes, Loriot hoisted himself up into the ambulance, -settled himself down comfortably, and began to chat with the orderlies. - -Infuriated by my own stupidity and the delay it had cost me, I hurried -on. - -The road went up and up. I began to experience the smothered sensation -in the shoulders and chest caused by having to carry a pack. Every -hundred yards--and what a bore it was--the buckle of my sling came -undone, as the point was blunted and did not catch properly, and the -rifle slipped. An inconvenience which could not be remedied, and which -seemed likely to pursue me throughout the campaign. It was about four -o'clock; the sun was still blazing, drops of perspiration gathered -inside the men's caps and occasionally trickled on to the ground. To -think that this march was nothing: mere child's play. - -The worst of it was that just as I was about to catch the others up, -my right foot began to feel sore. I remembered that the evening they -had delivered these boots.... At the first halt I quickly took off both -boot and putties. - -The inspection filled me with consternation. I had hoped my stocking -alone was responsible for it.... Not at all, there was no irksome fold. -It was the counter right enough. What was to be done? The fatal blister -was gathering. The prospect of hours of atrocious pain stared me in the -face. The little courage I had oozed away. - -I was dying of thirst; I poured out a cupful. The water was warm, but -it refreshed me all the same. Catching sight of De Valpic, lying down -with sunken cheeks, I went up to him. - -"De Valpic?" - -He opened his eyes. - -"Will you have ... a drink?" - -"But you...?" - -"I've got plenty, don't you worry. I noticed ... your water-bottle is -leaking, isn't it?" - -"Yes, I don't know how it happened. It's very troublesome." - -"Hand me your drinking cup. There now. Wait a minute!" I half-filled it -for him, added a few drops of Ricqles, and pulling my mess-tin out of -my haversack offered him some sugar. He took two pieces, but greedily -drank a mouthful without waiting for it to melt. - -"Thanks; my throat was so terribly parched." - -A wave of red flooded his cheeks. - -"You're a good sort, Dreher." - -I sat down beside him and asked him in a friendly way whether he was -not awfully tired? - -"I look it, don't I?" - -"Oh! Just like everyone else!" - -The whistle blew! I left him. - -"Cheer up!" - -But at the next pause I avoided looking in his direction. There was -only enough water for me. - -A few more miles. The men were grumbling quite openly now. From time -to time one would fall out, and all at once, or little by little lose -ground, and get left behind by the platoon. What was there to be said? -I interfered no more. These fellows had not had a bite since five -o'clock that morning. - -Were we to leave these stragglers their rifles, or not? - -The subaltern said they were to be taken away. - -The result was that those who remained threatened to give up in their -turn. Two rifles to drag about, not much! They were quite willing to do -their bit, but they were not going to be put upon, not them! - -Lieutenant Henriot changed his mind. - -"Each man will keep his own rifle!" - -"Too late now. How are we to find the owners of them all?" - -He got scared. - -"I was wrong. I made a mistake!" he repeated. - -Guillaumin reassured him by saying all the _poilus_ were sure to turn -up. - -One would have thought that it all amused him, the long day's march, -the hunger and thirst,--everything. He kept on joking--rather too -familiarly perhaps--with Lamalou and Judsi and those of our men who -still held out. He even took it into his head to talk theatres to me! -I soon sent him off with a flea in his ear, as may be imagined. He did -not notice for some time that I was limping. - -"Foot hurting you?" - -"Yes." - -He offered to carry my pack. I was on the point of allowing him to, but -Lamalou, who was watching me furtively, jeered. - -"Halloa, Sergeant! You following poor Loriot's example?" - -"No. I've got a sore foot," I said; "but I am going to stick to it all -right." - -On my refusal Guillaumin took on another lame dog's pack. Lamalou soon -followed his example. - -I only kept on automatically. My heel must be quite raw. Perhaps I was -risking the fate of my whole campaign. It couldn't be helped. In my -heart of hearts I almost congratulated myself on this opportunity of -escape. - -We ended by breaking all ranks. Sections, platoons, and companies were -all mixed up. We were just a herd, and at the entrance to a little -hamlet when the order was passed down to shoulder arms no one budged. -Not much! We're not so green as all that! Give us a bite o' some'at -first! - -But it was not to be so lightly disregarded! The captain rode down what -remained of our column, and repeated the order, brandishing his whip -furiously. The men made up their minds to obey it. We found out the -reason for it afterwards.... A general surrounded by his staff, was -watching us march past ... someone whispered that it was the general in -command of the division. - -It was unfortunate that this should be his first experience of us. He -took stock of us superciliously; his forehead puckered in a frown of -disillusionment. The men growled. - -"Like to see you in our place, old chap, with an empty stomach, and a -pack on your back!" - -Oh, that arrival at our billets in Orne, a village of five hundred -inhabitants, already overflowing with troops of all kinds. Oh, how -depressed we were, both physically and morally. I was especially -exhausted. There was a complete lack of any spirit of organisation -among the authorities, and the troops were totally out of hand. We were -obviously worth nothing at all! - -Where and how did the men get food? Guillaumin luckily took charge -of the whole section. I believe he bustled about, got hold of the -mess-corporal, and was the first to arrive with a fatigue party, at the -issue of rations which took place in the market-square towards midnight. - -I had sacrificed my "posse," but I still had some bread and hard-boiled -eggs left that I had brought with me from F----. I took off my -accoutrements and boots and installed myself in the best corner of the -stable reserved for our lot, and slept on the straw till five o'clock -next morning. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -IN BILLETS - - -The weather next day was glorious. A fine rain had fallen. The men now -very clean and spruce, wandered about the village, with their caps -cocked over their ears. - -No danger threatened. No one would have thought we were at war. And -as for the Bosches, let them go hang! The natives had certainly said, -shaking their heads, that they had already seen some Uhlans on the -neighbouring hills. Absurd inventions. A dragoon whom we questioned -burst out laughing in our faces. The Bosches! They had indeed been -across the frontier for twenty-four hours or so, over there towards -Longwy. They were soon sent to the right-about. We might sleep in -peace! We had the regulars in front of us, about twenty regiments of -them! - -Some trenches had been dug at the approaches to the village, the 21st -had spent the night in them. It was one of the regular amusements to go -and look over them during the day-time. They were very unconvincing, -casually hewn out and occupied. Orne's defensive organisation! Who -could take it seriously? - -"Blowed if I don't think our good time's beginning," said Judsi. - -The villagers were really delightful. These poor dwellers by the Meuse! -They did not have much of a time afterwards. Who would not have become -embittered in their place? At the outset we were touched by their -cordial, almost friendly reception. Many of us went in search of a -bed. I believe that but few were found which did not already boast an -occupant. Lamalou's experience was a case in point. Other attachments -were formed. On the other hand, Playoust came to grief--the thing -became known immediately--with the grocer's pretty wife. He revenged -himself by attributing the mishap to the regimental sergeant-major. - -The outstanding feature--which never varied throughout the -campaign--was the catering. We N.C.O.'s messed together. But Descroix -and his lot were already dissatisfied with this arrangement and -suggested that each platoon should fend for itself. - -I was doubtful about this, but Guillaumin took me aside. - -"Leave them alone! It will suit us much better!" - -He explained that he had made a great find in the shape of a top-hole -cook, a real professional. He had been chef at Bernstein's!!! The -fellow would perhaps consent to cook for three or four, but not a -word!--or the officers would appropriate him. He made me acquainted -with the prodigy, Gaufrèteau, a smooth-skinned, cold creature, very -much on his dignity, who would not bind himself in any way. - -Our comrades had managed somehow or other to get hold of some wine at -twenty-four sous the litre, good pale Lorraine wine, on which they -feasted among themselves. You had to pay two francs everywhere else for -a much inferior quality. - -Guillaumin determined he would not be outdone, and went off in search -of it. He ended by coming back triumphant, bringing the same wine at 1 -franc 20, and the wine merchant was to have the bottles back! - -He poured out several bumpers and made fun of De Valpic for refusing to -take any. I suggested adding some water to it. He ragged me in turn. - -"What are you afraid of? If we've got to be knocked out at this job, at -least let's have our money's worth first!" - -This coarse tomfoolery maddened me. Was it an attitude of mind assumed -for war-time, to match that of those poor brutes of troopers. I -sarcastically twitted him with it. He was not at all annoyed. - -"Just what I'm trying for!" - -Thereupon he invited his corporals and mine to empty new bottles. I -could not leave him in the lurch. All these people were drinking and -rotting with him round the table in the kitchen of our farm. The place -was filled with the smell of burning fat. What a scene, and what a -pastime! I was bored to death. - -"I'll see you later!" I said, and went off making some excuse. I should -have liked to meet Fortin or someone of that calibre. A pity they'd -left him at F----, but perhaps it might be lucky for him. - -I took a turn round the neighbouring billets. Nothing but men lying -about and a lot of them had spread into the fields round about, and -were taking a nap in the shade. - -My foot was better. I had painted it with tincture of iodine that -morning and the day before. - -I got out of the village without any difficulty. A sentry, far from -stopping me, asked me for some tobacco. - -A hill near by attracted me. I hoped to get a good view of the -surrounding country from the top. My ideas on the topography of the -neighbourhood were singularly confused. I knew the distance from Orne -to Verdun, 18 km. 7., and I was inclined to think the Valley of the -Meuse must lie somewhere near to southwards. - -My walk was not at all satisfying. From the summit I had aimed at, I -could see nothing but another ridge, crowned with a dark fringe of -trees. There was no outlet through which I could get a view. I came -back, tired and disappointed. Up there I had tried for a moment to give -rein to my imagination. Here is my country--Lorraine, I said to myself, -and I looked in vain for that serene melancholy, that voluptuous calm, -in the landscape.... It was obviously yet another example of poetic -exaggeration. It was not unpleasing country, but it was more like--oh, -anything you like to name, Perche, or the country round Paris. - -I went back. On the way I heard myself hailed from behind a hedge. It -was Playoust's voice. I went up and found the whole set of sergeants -from the 22nd. De Valpic alone was missing. I was surprised to catch -sight of Guillaumin, with cards in his hands. - -"What! You don't mean to say you're playing?" I said. - -"Yes, they're teaching me!" - -He explained with great gusto that they had come to fetch him to make -up a second four (Frémont was there too). He had no gift for it. -But he was sticking to it all the same. He had already lost one and -threepence! - -"And what about you, old boy? Do you know their blooming game?" - -"Yes," I replied coolly, "but it doesn't appeal to me, you know!" - -I did not linger. I bore him a grudge. If he was going over to that -lot he was quite at liberty to do so, of course, but he need no longer -count, as a matter of course, on my society--Oh dear, no! - -I went to lie down. I yawned. I was bored to tears. - -For the sake of something to do I emptied my pockets of their -miscellaneous contents. - -On pulling out the packet of letter cards which I had brought quite by -chance, I thought: Hello, why shouldn't I write a letter? - -But to whom should it be? - -Not to my father. I had nothing to tell him. - -As for my brother, I had not even got his complete address. I did not -know what company he was in. My brother Victor!... Why should I be -thinking of him particularly just now?... Where was he?... Somewhere in -the Woevre. Not very far from me, no doubt. - -What spirits was he in? War was the dream of their life, their goal, -their one passion, to all these soldiers. What a bizarre idea it was. -Simply a case of suggestion! What did they hope for from it, after all? -For the space of a second I had a strikingly clear vision of him, calm -and resolute, with his cap well down over his eyes, issuing his orders. - -The idea again occurred to me of writing to someone--whom I knew. But I -counted on my fingers; it was only three days; and it would be better -to wait until I had something worth writing about. - -When I went out again I found myself face to face with Henriot. - -"Halloa, how are you getting on, Dreher?" he said. - -"Pretty well, sir!" - -"Pity we get no papers!" - -I saw that he was bursting to have a talk, and, by Jove, it would be -good policy to get on good terms with my immediate chief once and for -all. I need only imitate Playoust; I asked him slyly what he thought -was happening. - -He needed no persuasion! He was fully aware of the fact that I had not -been among his audience the day before, and ingenuously expressed his -regret. De Valpic and I, he said, were the two best-read men in the -company. He would so much like to exchange ideas with us! - -As for exchanging ideas, all I was aiming at was to get him to trot his -out ... to get at him in that way. At my request he went to fetch a map -of the whole of our eastern frontier. - -I led him on to various subjects which I wished to explore, without -taking great pains about it: the composition of our army, the probable -figure of our effectives, our system of fortified towns. - -He replied at length, furnishing information collected and classed -without much sense of criticism. He placed the ideas he had gleaned -from the special courses for officers, on the same level with those -picked up in certain technical reviews, and a great number of -commonplaces borrowed from the daily papers. - -But he fancied himself particular on the questions of strategy. - -The German scheme was done for! Everything was based, you see, on -the complicity or, at all events, the passivity of Belgium. They -had concentrated four army corps in their camps in advance, Trèves, -Malmédy, Atles-Lager. They would have hurled them simultaneously on to -the left bank of the Meuse, and they could have gone straight ahead -across the flat country. In five days they would have been in the -Scheldt, on the way to Valenciennes. They would have reached the valley -of the Oise, and from there have gone on to Paris. And it might quite -likely have succeeded!... - -He warmed to his subject. - -They came to grief. The Belgians have demolished forty thousand men, -a whole army corps. The English have had time to land, and we to fall -into line. And what do you say to our retort in Alsace the other day? -We are getting the entire control of affairs into our hands. - -His forefinger indicated Mulhouse. - -Look, we're back there again and firmly based there, for good, believe -me! It's obviously ours. Take Strassburg? No, not at once. Invest it -perhaps, that's all. But push straight on across the Rhine. It's not so -easy, but we should spare nothing in order to do that! Just think! Once -past the Rhine all we should have to do would be to go straight ahead, -and cut Germany in half. Separate the Northern Provinces under Prussia, -from Bavaria, which is not nearly so antagonistic to us really, and the -Russians, after having taken Cracow and Prague, will soon be shaking -hands with us! - -He stopped talking and wiped his forehead. Gazing at his map he seemed -to regret that it did not include the theatre of to-morrow's victories. - -I gazed at him with surprise and mistrust. But he seemed so sure of -his ground! I knew these theories were current in higher military -circles. These daring anticipations reminded me of those expressed so -many times in my presence by my father and brother. - -How the thought of Victor pursued me! I could not restrain myself from -mentioning him. - -"Oh! What is he in?" said Henriot. - -"The 161st St. Mihiel." - -"A crack regiment that!" - -"Have they been in action yet?" - -"Probably!" - -"And what about us?" I said. "Do you think we shall soon be engaged?" - -"I should hardly think so. What is there ahead of us? Luxembourg. They -violated it on August 2nd. A lot of good it did them! Their offensive -turned northwards. Now they've got to defend themselves. I don't think -they'll attempt anything much against the Stenay gap. I don't think -we're much exposed!" - -So much the better! I thought. - -"I personally should have liked to fight in this part of the country." - -"Do you come from near here?" - -"Yes, from Villers-sur-Meuse, about fifty miles from here." - -He added a few details. It was only his second post, and he asked for -nothing better than to stay there as long as possible. His father had -been master there before him, and was buried there. - -We are Lorrains, you see, that's why I made such a point of being in -the reserves. - -I asked him naïvely if he had ever thought of war. - -"What! We never thought of anything else!" - -I suddenly recognised in him, the obstinacy and exaltation which had -surprised me, as a child, in the inhabitants of Emberménil. - -I had honestly forgotten that such rancour survived. After more -than forty years! Revenge then was not simply an abstract pretext, -it corresponded actually, to a desire, a hatred! The old furnace -still threw out sparks in the new generation capable of setting the -conflagration alight at any moment. - -I could not help blaming this fury. The stupid dislike of resignation -and discretion, of that which constituted men's happiness. - -Did I not, however, vaguely envy this impassioned tone and face? - -Why did I announce: - -"I'm a Lorrain too, you know!" - -"Really?" he said; "Oh well, I had suspected it, just from your name. -What part do you come from?" - -I told him. He was delighted. He had relations round about Lunéville. - -"We are the only ones in the platoon. That ought to make us good -friends, what?" - -I felt that he was moved. I pretended to be. But I was chilled again. -I only thought like the other evening, under my father's gaze: "I a -Lorrain! In what am I a Lorrain?" And the idea that I should have -brothers and foes, just because I was born on this side, and not on -that side of a certain line, seemed to me grotesque. - -It was about time for "cookhouse door" to go. Our card-players -reappeared. I enjoyed first their surprise, then their only thin-veiled -annoyance. It was particularly aggravating for the schoolmasters. -Henriot, with his hand on my shoulder, was talking to me as to an -intimate confidant. They began to wander round, anxious to interrupt -us, but withheld from doing so by their deeply-rooted respect for rank. - -Great Heavens! if I had guessed what would put an end to our -conversation! - -Henriot stopped abruptly in the middle of a sentence. - -"Hsh! What's that...?" - -"That dull distant rumble...." - -The men scattered about in the road and in the yard, were listening -intently. Corporal Bouguet who was passing muttered: - -"No, it can't be...?" - -It began again, like the echo of a peal of thunder.... - -Then the subaltern pronounced the word I had expected: - -"The guns!" - -"What?" - -It ran along repeated from mouth to mouth. The guns! The guns! I -shuddered with physical anguish. A battle in progress over there, quite -near by, which I felt would draw us in and swallow us up. The guns! -Were they the ones which would make a pulp of my body? - -Guillaumin suddenly appeared and seized me by the arm. - -"My heart's beating. How queer it is!" - -I was stupid enough to swagger. - -"It reminds me of the Camp of Châlons!" - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -AN ALARM - - -The guns went on growling at intervals for an hour, and then stopped. -Have I explained that our company was quartered almost in the open? Too -much in the open, apparently. The order came round for us to clear out, -and to squeeze into the smaller of the two farms which we occupied. - -Nothing could have been more uncomfortable than the stable, or rather -the cattle-shed which fell to our platoon. It might even have been a -pig-stye to judge by the stink! They had contented themselves with -throwing a thin layer of straw on the litter of dung. The men grumbled: -Loriot most of all. I went to see for myself, the others were in the -same predicament. They were openly discussing the ill-feeling which was -beginning to establish itself between the commanding officer and the -captain. Every time there was a particularly filthy billet going, it -would be for the 22nd! - -I was hesitating about lying down when Guillaumin came up beaming. - -"Breton certainly has a flair for comfortable quarters; there's no -denying it. Do you know what they've rooted out? A hay-loft. And a -clean one, too! We'll have it all to ourselves. We must get hold of De -Valpic." - -We went to find him. - -"Thanks, it's awfully good of you!" - -He assured us, though, that he would prefer to sleep alongside some -rick as it was fine to-night. - -"You'll be frozen!" - -"I shall get some fresh air!" - -"As much as you could want!" - -Guillaumin showed me the way. It was behind the outhouses. A ladder was -leaning up against it. I caught sight of Playoust at the window. He -drew his head in immediately. Descroix appeared. - -"There's not room for two!" he shouted. - -"How's that?" - -Little Humel showed up beside him! - -"Reserved for the first platoon! We invited Guillaumin, that's all!" - -"Look here, what about me!" I said quite calmly. - -"Impossible!" - -I said to Guillaumin. - -"You might have asked them before you came to fetch me!" - -"Rot! They're fooling!" he said. "There's room in there for fifteen or -twenty." - -He gave me a shove. - -"Get along up!" - -I put my foot on the first rung and began to climb up. Humel had called -for help. Descroix seized the ladder with both hands and shook it. I -nearly took a toss. - -"The brute!" - -I jumped down. The others up there were howling with laughter. If I was -sickened by it, Guillaumin appeared more offended. He set to work to -blackguard them, in language very much to the point. Playoust tried to -appease them: "Why make such a fuss! I was so fond of being alone. It -was very good of them to offer him a place! Why not bring the viscount -along too straight away?" - -"De Valpic? He's going to sleep in the open air!" Humel yelped. - -"Very well, then; why can't Dreher do the same thing!" - -I considered it useless to insist. I should manage all right, I said to -Guillaumin, but I advised him most strongly to take advantage of the -stroke of luck--as he was so thick with them! - -Not at all! He protested that nothing on earth would induce him to -desert me. It was shameful, the way they had treated me. On active -service all ought to help one another. How delighted the Bosches would -have been if they had witnessed the scene. - -Playoust retorted by jeering at us and reaped an easy harvest of -guffaws among his accomplices. Guillaumin unexpectedly seized the -ladder, and carried it off. I went with him laughing, while infuriated -shouts followed us. - -We got back to our stable. - -"For us the dung!" - -"Yes, like Job." - -The smell was sickening, and the worst of it was that my place had -been taken. Judsi was lying there snoring. I felt about him, he shook -himself and let off an impropriety, which made me recoil. Luckily my -faithful Bouillon hailed me. He made himself small and I was able to -squeeze between him and Corporal Donnadieu, and with my handkerchief -over my nose, I soon fell fast asleep. - - * * * * * - -There was an alarm in the middle of the night. A sudden clamour was -heard in _the_ road and the click of bayonets. To arms! To arms! - -We leapt to our feet and went out. Outside there was nothing but -tumult and bustling, indescribable confusion, terrified creatures -bumping up against each other and seizing each other by the throat. I -know my heart was thumping. A night attack? Good Heavens! It was very -astounding.... And yet the enemy was not far away.... - -Five minutes of disorder and panic. We could not have offered the -slightest resistance! What was happening? The captain had come down and -was whistling incessantly. I groped about searching for my section and -platoon. They were lost! This pale form! Lamalou, in shirt sleeves, by -Jove, but armed, and shouting, and ready for anything.... - -What was the matter after all?... - -At last the riddle was solved by De Valpic, who told us that a horse -had got loose on the outskirts of the village, and its owner, a -dragoon, had run after it shouting: - -"Olga! Olga!" - -A too zealous sentry had thought he heard "To Arms!" that was all. - -We laughed ourselves hoarse. But one person who was not at all pleased -was the captain. Awakened at the first movements, he had come rushing -up in haste, and had whistled, as I said.... Guillaumin and I were -the only ones to answer. We were the only two sleeping with our men. -The others were in great difficulties. How were they to get down -from the hay-loft without a ladder? In the dark! Jump? The regimental -sergeant-major had sprained his foot slightly.... What! What! Had -he been up there! He was the one to get the biggest wigging. He was -horribly upset about it. - -An explanation which followed between Guillaumin and Descroix nearly -ended in their coming to blows. Playoust egged them on. Breton and I -had all we could do to keep them apart. - -One thing pleased me; a step Frémont took. - -"I was with them," he said; "forgive me. They are idiots, but I -couldn't get down. They're all in my platoon. They would have led me -such a life. You're not annoyed with me, I hope?" - -"Not at all." - -The remainder of the night was calmer. From four o'clock onwards, -however, the distant sinister rumbling became noticeable again. There -must be something serious doing, for this music to strike up again at -dawn! - -We soon began to stretch and get up. Thanks to my little pocket-glass, -I discovered some strange eruptions on my face. They worried me. What -could they be? - -"Spiders, 'rooky,'" Bouillon announced jovially. - -I was at the pump in a bound, and spent quite a long time washing and -soaping myself. In my absence, coffee was prepared and handed round. -When I came back there was nothing left but a few lukewarm dregs. - -I blamed Bouguet for it. - -"In future you'll see that my coffee is kept for me!" - -He kicked at this. - -"I only have just enough for my section. Sergeant Donnadieu has one man -less. It's his job to get yours." - -I made enquiries. He was quite right. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A THUNDERBOLT - - -The cannonade, which increased in intensity hour by hour, made that -morning a time of agonising suspense. For me, at least. The men who had -already got accustomed to the noise, paid no more attention to it. - -The regimental sergeant-major had been round to inspect accoutrements. -Some of the men were dropped on, poor Gaudéreaux among others, as he -had been unlucky enough to forget a rag for his rifle. - -He was ordered confinement to barracks, but went out all the same. -Ravelli who had met him in the village had him arrested and taken to -the guard-room where he was sentenced by the captain to four days' -confinement. - -Lamalou commiserated him quite openly. - -"That's what it is to be so bloomin' good-natured. Like to see 'em -darin' to put upon me like that!" - -The regimental sergeant-major who overheard him gave him a furious -look, but actually was afraid to say anything and only revenged himself -by slyly warning him for the next fatigue. - -In the afternoon Lieutenant Henriot came to have a chat with Guillaumin -and me. I noticed his anxiety to cause no more jealousy. Catching sight -of Descroix and Humel who were getting some fresh air in the yard, he -called them. In this way the circle became enlarged. Too much for me! I -bolted. - -When Guillaumin came to find me again, I put on a sarcastic tone: - -"Thrilling, what?" - -"Oh ... quite interesting! You seemed to be listening all right -yesterday!" - -"Couldn't help myself!" - -I undertook to quote the conversation I had had the day before with the -little subaltern. To be honest, I exaggerated grossly. I ridiculed poor -Henriot, and put on a tremolo, to recall his words about his birthplace -where he taught, where his father was buried. - -It seemed as if Guillaumin only half liked this skit. He stopped me. - -"He may not be a genius, but he's quite a good sort." - -I was discontented with myself and with him. - -I expected that we should be sent to relieve the 21st in the trenches. -I was mistaken. It was the 23rd. Our turn was skipped. I don't know why. - -This cannonade which still persisted and seemed to be drawing nearer, -unnerved me. Where were they fighting? What approximately were the -lines of tactical defence? - -De Valpic to whom I happened to put the question, informed me. - -"The Loison and the Othain." - -"What are they?" - -"Tributaries of the Meuse. They both join the Chiers, near Montmédy." - -"You are well up in it." - -He smiled; he was going in to lie down as usual. - -The firing was still going on. I said to Bouillon: - -"We may be going up one of these days!" - -"Where to?" - -"Into the firing line." - -"Good luck!" - -"Really, good luck?" - -"The sooner we go there, the sooner the war will be over!" - -"But ... supposing we stay there?" - -"Oh well, one end's as good as another!" - - * * * * * - -Towards evening someone announced that there was a convoy of wounded on -the road. Frémont happened to be beside me. I took him by the arm: - -"Are you coming to have a look?" - -He hesitated. I took him along. - -In the principal street a string of carts was filing past, carrying -unearthly beings with sunken eyes, and blackened, ravaged faces. They -were silent and had dirty bandages, some on their heads and some on -their arms. - -Our _poilus_ had hurried up, and were forming a hedge. They ventured to -question those who seemed the least affected. - -"Well, lads? So you've given 'em a knock?" - -Most of them did not reply. A few shook their heads. - -"Nothing to be done." - -"More likely them?" - -They made a painful impression. More carts followed, these last drawn -at a foot's pace. Orderlies signed to us that they contained the badly -wounded. - -Their time was up. Why bother to transport them even? - -A vehicle passed at a trot going in the opposite direction empty. - -"What have you done with your cargo?" shouted another driver. - -"Going to load up again! Poor lads, turned into corpses, they are!" - -Frémont had turned very pale. - -"Let's be off!" he murmured. - -"Oh, rot!" I said rather fiercely. "Let's see as much as we can.... We -may be in their place to-morrow." - -He stayed. A low cart appeared, containing two stretchers. On one of -them was an officer with a bloodless face. He had a compress on his -neck which dripped dark blood. On the other there was a young beardless -corporal, whose respiration was rapid but even. Although awake, he -persistently kept his eyes closed. What could his wound be? The orderly -gave an expressive glance. A great-coat which had been thrown over the -man hung down at the knee-joints. His two legs were gone. - -"No, no, come away!" Frémont repeated with a shudder. - -The horror of it! And it might so easily have been my turn to agonise -to-morrow! By the fault of the politicians who had let loose this -war! I cursed the allotted task, the yoke laid on so many, and my own -acquiescence. - -Then my attention was distracted. An N.C.O. in the 30th who took an -opportunity of getting out when his cart stopped--the horse had lost a -shoe, I believe--asked for a drink. Someone offered him wine. - -"No. Water!" - -An uncanny voice, hoarse with fever. They brought him some water. He -drank large gulps of it. I watched him. What was the matter with him, -with his dark ringed eyes and pinched, mask-like face, and his body -bent so queerly! - -He began to speak in short, staccato sentences. He described the -engagement which had taken place the day before. The long wait in the -trench under shell fire in the full glare of the sun. They had not seen -the Bosches, but knew they were quite near by. The weariness and the -enervation which increased as the day went on. The longing to be done -with it, for the losses were becoming serious. The effect of the damned -fairy tale accredited by the newspapers and even by the _communiqués_, -according to which the enemy could never stand up against the bayonet. -You could see the men half-pulling them out, the precious things, and -looking at them longingly, so slim and sharp and shining...! - -And then at the end of the day the stroke of madness...! Word had -been passed along, no one knew where it started from, "Fix bayonets: -Charge!" The order rolled on from company to company. They had got -up man by man then in ranks.... Forward! They had rushed out, they -were covering the ground at a tremendous pace. They felt that their -opponents were there, petrified. They were just on the point of falling -upon them. They yelled. No retort. Quicker, quicker! It was really -marvellous...! - -But suddenly they realised their mistake. Too late. There was an echo -of terror. Along this plantation of trees there was a river. They -calculated its width. Not very wide, but too wide to clear at a jump, -all the same! - -"The Othain?" I suggested. - -"How should I know!" - -And then--it was all pre-arranged of course!--then the enemy had opened -fire with their machine guns at two hundred yards. They all flung -themselves flat!... What a panic there had been. The men had thrown -themselves desperately into the dark icy water, drowning themselves -among the rushes under the very eyes of their companions.... The rest -who had no entrenching tools with them, or packs either, were reduced -to digging themselves in with their pocket knives and their nails. The -enemy, who were coming nearer, calmly continued to ply their infernal -"tea kettle" for a whole hour. The result being that there was not a -man left out of the two battalions engaged. Not one, untouched! All -killed or wounded! - -"And what about you, Sergeant?" asked Donnadieu, the little red-haired -corporal. - -"Me?" - -He pulled a wry face. - -"Napoo'd!" - -"How do you mean, napoo'd," I exclaimed. - -"Yes, I've got a ball in my stomach--and as they have not operated----" - -Ah! that explained his being so doubled up! He climbed back into his -cart. - -"Well, so long, you fellows. Hope you'll have better luck." - -He added: - -"Oh! it's blooming funny, this war!" - -We were subdued and silent. Then Judsi jeered. - -"Oh, dash it all, the bloke must be pilin' it on. We may 'ave been -mauled a bit, likely as not, but wot about them--with our 75's----" - -"You're right there," Bouillon exclaimed. - -Another private, who was wounded in the arm, shouted gaily as he passed. - -"The comedy's over for this child." - -"Wot, you don't mean to say you're legging it after the first act, you -waster?" - -He had good reason to rejoice. I would have given all I possessed to be -in that man's shoes. - - * * * * * - -After this, excitement reigned. The rumour spread that a start was -near, in fact imminent. The subaltern assured them in vain that he knew -nothing of it, that he did not think.... The men repeated the words -picked up by the captain's orderly. - -"Luckily there'll be a moon to-night!" - -Curfew time arrived, however, without anything happening and we turned -in. - -But a little before midnight the quartermaster's voice was heard at the -door. - -"Turn out! Marching kit!" - -We were in full harness in no time. I went out. I came across Henriot -and asked him. - -"Are we really off?" - -"Yes, yes." - -"Any news?" - -"Hm! I've just had a talk with a subaltern who's come down from the -Woevre." - -"From what part exactly?" - -"Flirey." - -The name struck me. I remembered having heard it in my father's mouth. - -"Is he still there, the subaltern you mentioned?" - -"I think so; yes, look there!" - -I caught sight of the silhouette of a cavalry officer. I went up to -him spurred on by a singular presentiment. - -"I hear you've been near Flirey during the last few days, sir...." - -"Exactly." - -I tried to make out his regimental number. - -"Did you by any chance come across the 161st?" - -"Rather! I was attached to them for rations for three days!" - -I hesitated. - -"You don't happen to remember a Lieutenant Dreher?" - -He repeated: - -"Dreher?" - -"Yes." - -"A big fair fellow; a good-looking chap?" - -"Yes." - -"His picket was surprised. He was killed!" - -"No!" - -"Excuse me; I saw him being carried away. He had a bullet in his head. -Did you know him, Sergeant?" - - - - -_BOOK V_ - -_August 12th-13th_ - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE - - -My brother! My brother killed! I went off, without a word in reply, -and lost myself in the darkness. I was stupefied. My brother killed! I -was on the point of fainting. And then, in a few minutes, I regained -my control. I had the impression of having advanced a stage; of an -awakening. - -Finished, and done with my rôle as on-looker in all these things. No -more detached, distant pity for me like that with which I had been -inspired by those dying men just now. How my blood rushed through my -veins. I conjured up a vision of my brother alive, leading his men. I -saw him totter and fall. They picked him up, stone dead! With a hole -through his forehead! That was the end. There was no more to be done -but to make the sign of the cross over all that remained of him! - -Henriot passed me again, buckling the strap of his revolver. He asked -me casually: - -"Well, did you speak to him?" - -I was on the point of saying to him. - -"My brother ... you know, my brother." - -But a feeling of shyness prevented me, the idea of confiding in anyone -was repugnant to me.... Guillaumin appeared in his turn, his képi worn -square; I did not say anything to him either: the idea of forcedly -conventional phrases sickened me. - -We formed into platoons. Roll-call. Nobody missing in our lot. - -The men were joking in spite of our instructions. Judsi's nasal -intonations could be distinguished. - -"Halloa, Loriot, you old rotter, you going to march? Didn't the M.O. -recognise you?" - -Each one's a bigger fool than the last! - -Loriot shrugged his shoulders. - -Corporal Donnadieu was the only one who looked thoughtful and absorbed. -An agriculturalist, with delicate features, and a sandy moustache; I -liked him for his conscientiousness and zeal. He suddenly turned to me, -and said in a whisper: - -"So we're going up to the front, you think, Sergeant?" - -"I believe so." - -"Already?" - -"Already." - -"How many will stay there?" - -He looked as if he were reckoning up the number of victims around us. I -said wearily: - -"Oh, as to that!" - -He was silent. I asked him if he was married. - -"Yes, Sergeant." - -"Any children?" - -"One of fifteen months, and another ... on the way!" - -Looking down at the ground, he sighed. - -"How stupid it is to fight!" - -I thought how in our camp, and no doubt in the opposite camps too, -nearly every individual was privately thinking the same thing! And yet -each one bowed his head and went on. Poor human race! - -We started off. The night was cool and clear. A good one to march on. - -Guillaumin came to keep me company. He announced that he was in "the -pink" and joked below his breath with his men and mine, whom he already -knew better than I did. He forced me to share his good humour. It may -be imagined that I did not rise much, though I avoided looking too -anxious. I dreaded a direct question and intended to withdraw into -myself alone with my sorrow. - -He ended by getting tired of it and left me, but then it was the -subaltern's turn to hang on to me. It was difficult to escape him. It -was in vain that I purposely arranged to walk so that he was forced to -the side of the road, where he kept stumbling over endless obstacles -such as ruts and heaps of flints. He did not lose heart, and I had to -put up with a new explanation of the situation. Then he tried to make -out where we were. Every other minute I saw him consulting his map with -the aid of his electric torch. - -"Look, we're following this road." - -He must have made a mistake, at some cross roads. Contrary to his -expectation we did not cross the high road to Étain. Then he tried to -take his bearings by the heavens, the Great Wain, and the Polar Star. - -I no longer even pretended to take an interest. I thirsted for -solitude. I took advantage of a moment when he left me to go to the -captain, to sign to Bouillon. With this place filled, I was saved. - -I went on automatically like a beast of burden. The weariness, and -perspiration, the crushing weight of the pack, the bumping of the -haversack and the water-bottle, the pressure of the crossed straps, all -that combined, almost took away the consciousness of existence. A vague -regret survived, however. - -I mechanically repeated to myself from time to time: "My brother has -been killed, my brother has been killed...." But these words conveyed -hardly anything to my mind, my grief seemed to be numbed. I confusedly -flattered myself that just now, at the first respite, it would awake, -awful and sweet, and envelop me in its generous flood. - -Another obsession, this one very ordinary and almost humiliating, was -the rubbed place on my heel. It was not cured and I had struggled in -vain to break the counter. The same rub at each step. On the uneven, -stony surface of the bad roads we were following, I often made a false -step. So great was my exhaustion that I no longer even took the trouble -to throw my weight on to the tip of my foot in order to lessen the -painful contact. - -A high road at last. In a neighbouring field we caught sight of some -teams and forage and ammunition waggons. - -"An artillery park," Henriot shouted across Bouillon's head. - -A little farther on we passed a troop of cavalry wrapped in their long -dark blue greatcoats. Our _poilus_ expressed their envy of them aloud. - -"War's a picnic to those chaps!" - -It was still quite dark--we were going through a forest when the -cannonade started again, abrupt and violent. So near this time. -Everyone started at it. - -It rumbled and roared on every side. It felt exactly like being in the -middle of a battle. And what a striking contrast there was between the -silence, the sweet-scented air, and the calm of the woods, and this -crashing and thundering! We were alone on this road, the moon had just -risen; a gentle breeze caressed the little flowers on the slope, and -the moss damp with dew. - -Day was breaking when we left the wood. - -We advanced across a slightly sloping upland. - -"Halt!" - -Rows and rows of piled arms stretched away into the distance. There -was a brigade, or perhaps a division there. We counted on a rest worth -having. But a whirring noise was heard. We looked up. One, no two -German aeroplanes, like the silhouettes of evil-looking birds, were -easily recognisable. - -A neighbouring company fired a volley at them. They continued to -flutter above us turning and twisting insolently. The men shook their -fists at them. And the same thought occurred to us all: What were our -aeroplanes doing? A third Taube arrived and dropped a rocket. - -"The devil!" - -"Look out!" shouted Henriot. "We've been marked right enough! We shall -catch it hot!" - -The alarm was given. We scattered at the double and threw ourselves -down, and shivered in the icy dawn. The expected shells did not come. -The captain sent for the subaltern. - -"To give him a wigging," said Descroix. - -Playoust jeered. - -"He talked of catching it hot! I see he was quite right about it!" - -The warning had sufficed. The big detachment collected there, seemed -to have evaporated. Some platoons were disappearing ahead over the -neighbouring ridge. - -Were we to follow? Not at all. We were taken back, on the contrary, as -far as the wood. We all went into it, and the order was given to pile -arms. We might rest, but were not to go far away! - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE - - -I went to lie down a little way off, at the foot of a tree. At last I -had a free moment. At last I belonged to myself! - -The funereal refrain resounded in me anew: Victor killed! I -expected.... Dead, dead, my brother! A procession of regrets was bound -to follow! In spite of myself, paltry worries came back to annoy me, my -sore foot as usual. I lost my temper. Despicable solicitude! When I had -been so hard hit! - -Revolving these thoughts in my mind, I was suddenly seized with terror, -with that terror which always freezes me at the sudden disappearance of -any being with whom I have come into contact. But for all this terror I -must confess that I was only moderately afflicted, however reluctant I -might be to admit it. - -It went no doubt to prove that I was incapable of moral suffering. It -filled me with shame. I longed ardently to overcome it. But in what -way? Who could believe that I went as far as to ask myself, "What -happens when one loses an only brother; how does one feel?" - -And then all at once I lost patience. Come along! Come along! Let's -be frank. Had I not sworn long ago to avoid all juggling with words. -No shammed grief for me! Quite true I had lost my brother! But what -was he to me? I remember the impression, corroborated so often, that -we had nothing in common. He, the classical type of soldier, a slave -to his convictions. I, reared on philosophy, moulded of doubt and -detachment. A brother to whom I had never for a moment opened my heart, -with whom I had had no intimate converse. How pitifully trite, too, our -correspondence had been! He for his part lived engrossed in the wife -chosen and schooled to his liking, and in his children, who interested -me only as being pretty little creatures. My brother simply by an -accident of birth! I obviously could not mourn for him in the same way -as for someone I had loved! - -This reasoning calmed me. But the question still persisted -mechanically: "Then whom did I love?" Suddenly the answer, the cruel -answer, presented itself: "No one on earth! I was quite alone!" - -Why was the thought of my heart withered beyond all help, so odious to -me to-day? Why, in order to dispel it, was I driven to conjure up the -sorrow which years and years ago had made my child's heart bleed? - -My mother. My sweet mother. Fourteen years had passed in vain, since -that terrible day; the wound had never healed. She had been ill no -time; a bad attack of influenza, a great deal of fever, threatened -pneumonia. I had spent part of the afternoon in her room. She -complained of nothing but thirst. I got her what she wanted and -reminded her when it was time to take her medicine. She was not very -much pulled down. I remember that she had congratulated me on obtaining -a good place in Latin prose. Some artless remark on the maid's part -had tickled us both.... And that night the hospital nurse who had -arrived a few hours before, knocked at my door, panic-stricken.... It -was all over. What a thunderbolt it had been. - -I felt my heart swell and my eyes fill again at the memory of it! I -still mourned for her to-day, for her, for her! So I was not quite -lacking in all humane feeling. And it was not my fault if the present -stroke of destiny failed to move me at all deeply. - -I felt softened, however. The dear shade exhaled some tender property. -I had been my mother's confidant as a child. It was to me that she -liked to unbosom herself, morning and evening, as she bent her -harmonious face over my face. She used to say to me: "We two understand -each other, don't we?" - -Had she not once or twice gently and seriously confided in me the -secret of certain fears? Supposing anything were to happen to her, -she seemed to fear for the future union of the family. She felt that -she was the bond between us, that as long as she was alive, she -concentrated our affections. My father, without entirely fathoming her, -adored her, and so did my brother, though brought up away from her at -school. If she were the first to go.... It was an odd presentiment. - -So my mother had foreseen this estrangement between beings of the same -blood; had grieved about it beforehand. Alas! she could never have -believed that the breech could have yawned so large.... If she could -have suspected that a day would come when her Michel would hear of the -other's death with dry eyes and an untouched heart, what bitterness it -would have been to her! The thought weighed on my mind. - -I got up and walked a few steps. I was limping slightly. - -Boom! Boom! Boom! Ever since it had been light, the deafening uproar -had redoubled. - -Frémont who was lying on his side gave me a friendly wave. - -"What are you doing there?" - -"Writing my diary." - -He waved a bundle of closely written sheets. - -"My wife can't grumble! I sent her the same amount yesterday." - -"Are you telling her that we can hear firing?" - -"Rather not! I'm giving her a description of our humdrum existence at -Orne." - -"Will you lend me your stylo, when you've finished?" I asked. - -"Half a minute! I'm just ending it off." - -He got up. - -"I recommend you to try my desk; this big stone. Most handy! Got some -writing paper?" - -"Yes, thanks." - -I settled down. The idea of writing had been put into my head by the -sight of Frémont. By doing so it seemed to me that I might atone for or -lessen my lack of.... - -I sent my condolences first of all to my father, to whom Victor was -everything; his sole object in existence. Fragments of a recent -conversation floated across my mind. In what a voice he had said: "They -will nearly all stay there!" The old Spartan! But had he not counted -too much on his strength of mind.... And yet, no. I was certain of his -unshakable constancy. I foresaw that in case of victory, the old man -would not utter a complaint, but would congratulate himself on having -contributed to it by his loss. - -Oh, come along. It had got to be done.... Luckily I need not write -much. The noise of the cannonade was a good excuse for brevity. A few -sentences would be enough, a suitable expression of my compassion. I -signed it. Then I wrote a line to my sister-in-law. That of course -was obligatory. Poor little woman! A widow, at twenty-four, with two -kids.... The idea of her loneliness and misery saddened me. My pen -raced over the paper. I was soon at the end of a sheet. - -I fastened up these letters with a sigh of relief at having done my -duty. But it suddenly struck me that I could not send them. They -would run the risk of getting there before the official intimation. I -shuddered at the idea. - -Then why should I have been in such a hurry? - -Meanwhile I felt about in my pocket, and pulled out a third card. Did I -realise at once where my steps were taking me? I think not. I had only -written the heading.... And yet! I was smiling; but I was strangely -troubled. - -A line to announce this loss which clouded my campaign, a pitying -allusion to the misery of the survivor. What should I add? I was not -dissatisfied with the manly words in which I describe us as sending a -friendly greeting to a few beings in the world, just as we were about -to hurl ourselves into the ghastly furnace. - -I re-read them with a smile, half-tender, half-sceptical, and slowly -and rather dreamily, I addressed the envelope. - - Mademoiselle Jeannine Landry - rue Faidherbe. - St-Mandé. - -When should I be able to despatch this letter? - -Perhaps I should fall with it on my breast.... - -And people would think I had been writing to my fiancée! - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -AWAITING OUR CUE - - -I had got up again. The inflamed place on my heel was becoming -intolerable. I resigned myself to taking off my shoes and stockings. - -The head which had formed yesterday had been pulled off. It had a very -unhealthy look. An abscess would probably form. - -What could I do? Report sick? For a sore on my foot! And just now too. -But my claim would not be allowed. Bouchut would not look at me! I had -seen poor wretches at the manoeuvres forced to march with gory feet, -and with septic gatherings from which blood oozed at the pressure.... -No, there was no hope for me there! I must go on then, but in future -should have to endure fresh torture at each step I took. - -Guillaumin had joined me. - -"Your foot again? Let's have a look!" - -He bent down and examined it. - -"The counter! Oh! be blowed to it! That is a bore! Why go out of your -way to get something different from the regulation boots. I'm delighted -with mine. Still it can't be helped. Something must be done for this." - -I explained that I had treated myself with tincture of iodine. - -"Diluted, I hope?" - -"How do you mean?" - -I learnt from him that the strength supplied now was too caustic. - -"Some picric acid is what you want on there now." - -"You haven't got any, I suppose?" - -"What are you thinking of? I've got a little bit of everything!" - -He went off and soon came back, with a small bottle and a brush which -he carefully took out of a glass tube. - -"Stings a bit, doesn't it?" - -He had also brought a bit of linen. He deftly bound up my ankle. I -admired his dexterity. - -"Where did you learn it?" - -"Hunting, of course! That's the way to get sprains." - -He added: - -"I think that'll do until to-morrow!" - -He got hold of my boot. - -"This filthy counter. That's what's the matter. If only there was a -way...." - -"Of doing what?" - -"With some scissors.... I've got some of them too, in my housewife." - -Another journey. When he had got back and adjusted his eye-glass he set -to work to snip and shape. Particles of leather kept falling. - -"You're not spoiling it?" - -"Don't you worry! I'm an adept at this sort of thing!" - -He had finished. - -"Shove it on again. Well, how does it feel?" - -The friction was actually much lessened. - -"It will be the salvation of me, old chap!" - -He made a good-natured grimace. I looked at his thick red nose, his -sandy moustache with its piteous droop at the corners of his mouth, -his oily hair tangled under the cap which was perched on the back of -his head. There was a touch of the grotesque in his ugliness at this -moment. A blundering simple soul too, and overtalkative. And yet ... -what a good sort he was! He had that rarest of virtues, Kindness, the -mark of real distinction of soul. What spontaneous gratitude he aroused -in me. To think that quite lately I had hardly dared to defend him -against Laquarrière's sarcasms. That would all be changed now. To-day -my choice was made, and well made. - - * * * * * - -There seemed to be a lull in the fighting. The cannonade was less -violent. I wished for a moment that the struggle might end without -us.... Yes, but only on condition that the result was favourable. I -was not without apprehensions on that score, for what a repulse that -action, described to us the day before, must have been! - -Guillaumin was hungry, and did not worry his head about anything else. -Now or never was the time to stoke up. Before joining in the dance! - -I took his advice. Before starting in the middle of the night, we had -been given a cold meal, potatoes, bully beef, and cheese. We had some -bread left. Having clubbed our provisions we ate our little feast on -the moss. - -"Like Robinson Crusoe, what!" - -I made a point of getting my companion to take the largest helps. - -When the last mouthful was swallowed, he lay down and shut his eyes. - -"What do you say to a little snooze?" - -I tried to imitate him, but could not get to sleep. A road ran through -the wood, about a hundred yards away. Endless vehicles passed along it -in an incessant string. My foot was not hurting me now. Why shouldn't I -push on as far as that? - -As I skirted our piles of arms I noticed an open haversack sprawling on -its back apart from the others. Some undergarments were hanging out, -and a squad book, and one or two other oddments were lying in the grass -a little farther on. - -I turned the offending object over with my foot and spelt the -inscription traced on the square of grey canvas. Then I shouted: - -"Judsi!" - -He was seated with several others about twenty yards off. - -"Judsi!" I repeated. - -His neighbour, Lamalou, nudged him. - -"Don't you hear the sergeant talking to you?" - -"Wot's wrong?" he said without moving. - -"Does this haversack belong to you?" - -"Wot 'aversack? Yes, it might." - -"What the deuce is it doing here?" - -"Anything wrong with it?" - -Judsi impertinently fixed his sly clown's eyes on me. - -"You know the captain will not have untidiness or disorder. Why is your -haversack open?" - -The blackguard pretended to consider the matter. - -"Probably ... 'cos it ain't shut!" - -This reply overjoyed his audience. Loriot slapped his thigh. Lamalou -nearly died with laughing. As for me, my cheeks burned. I went down -on one knee, and pulled the iron rations out of the haversack with a -jerk. Then I counted the biscuits. Ten instead of fourteen! Four were -missing. - -I went straight up to the man. - -"Judsi, what have you done with your biscuits?" - -"My biscuits?" - -He tossed his head with a monkey-like grimace. - -"No 'posse' either, p'r'aps!" - -"Answer me. Four are missing already!" - -"Ow dear, now, wot a business!" - -There was dead silence round us. They knew that matters were coming to -a head. - -"You know that we are strictly forbidden to touch the biscuits without -orders ..." I reminded him dryly. - -"Oo's orders? The ministers'?" - -Judsi looked round in search of applause. He did not get it. Loriot -alone sniggered in a foolish sort of way. Lamalou cut him short. - -"It's true enough that we have no right." - -I emphasised his words. - -"Lamalou knows well enough: he's seen some fighting and knows what it -is!" - -The ex-private in the African battalion again agreed. I continued: - -"You understand that I, personally, don't care a hang. But a time -might come when we were in a jolly tight hole and should be thankful -to have our biscuits. And then it's not for us to argue about it. If -it's forbidden, it's forbidden, and Sergeant Guillaumin and I are -responsible...." - -The argument carried weight. Somebody said: - -"Not worth getting slanged about!" - -Bouillon outdid him. - -"Strikes me it ain't the sergeants wot worries you." - -"You're right there!" - -They were agreed on that point. - -"Well, Judsi?" I began again less severely. - -He tried to get out of it. - -"W'en a bloke's starvin'!" - -"Starving! You've had your haversack rations." - -Bouillon gave him away. - -"'E didn't take 'em. Couldn't bovver wif carryin' 'em!" - -Judsi dropped some of his swagger. He got up sulkily, and slowly pulled -one, two, three biscuits out of his greatcoat pocket.... - -"And the fourth?" - -"Oh!... eaten!" - -"Well anyhow, put those back." - -He obeyed with very sour looks; then raising his clown's face, he said: - -"'Ave to put up with a empty stummick all day then?" - -"I don't want to get you into trouble," I said; "I shall not report -you. But let this be understood in future.... The biscuits are sacred, -see! Now...." - -I looked round the circle. - -"If your pals like to give up a little of their ration, that's their -affair. Another time they'll find some way of making you carry your -own...." - -This Solomon's judgment perplexed the audience. Bouillon saved the -situation by sticking a knife into a potato: - -"'Ere you are, Judsi. 'Ere's a pertater. It's one o' yours by rights. I -picked 'em up!" - -Gaudéreaux split a piece of cheese. "Rooty?" Lamalou supplied some. - -"Take that you old blighter. But another time you better mind or I'll -catch you such a biff in the bottom ... just like the sergeant said." - -I went away in a state of naïve contentment, thinking that I had not -done badly. For the first time I had a glimmering of the meaning of the -word Authority. To know how to command men! - -I saw Lieutenant Henriot coming towards me from the edge of the wood in -a state of wild excitement. He had his field-glasses in his hand. - -"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" he cried. "What on earth are we waiting for? I -ask you!" - -I suggested. - -"Well, but.... They seem to be holding us in reserve." - -"That's all very well for an hour! But ever since this morning! What -the devil is the use of us? Doesn't everything point to the fact -that we ought to go to the rescue instead of crossing our arms? No -orders.... No orders? And suppose the bearer of them has been killed -or taken prisoner! There's only one rule that counts: the same that -won all their victories for the Prussians in 1870. That is to keep on -till you get to the guns. They're near enough, in all conscience. Never -heard such a din." - -He continued: - -"And the moment was so well chosen! Look at all those chaps, how they -are aching to get to work!" - -I looked at him instead. Was he dreaming? The men were lying about in a -circle after their meal. They certainly seemed resigned to their lot, -but as for enthusiasm--not a sign of it. Nor even of that altogether -physical excitement of which people speak. Henriot obviously attributed -his own keenness to them. - -He was most certainly in a state of exaltation. Was he to be envied? -Probably. But my familiar spirit of analysis did not desert me. It was -useless to pretend that the approach of a battle absolutely changes -men's characters, that no one can say beforehand what he will do under -certain circumstances. Nonsense. I was quite convinced that I should -never be roused to acts of heroism and folly. All the better for that -matter. The primordial quality of self-possession was the greatest -safeguard for myself and for others. Poor Henriot. What childishness it -was to be so set upon hurling himself into the fray. What difference -would our presence make? Weren't we far better off resting in the shade -screened from the glare of the midday sun?... - -Descroix came and started Henriot off again. Frémont called me: - -"Halloa! I was looking for you! If you want to send your letters, -Dagomert is there on the road." - -He was the brigade motor-cyclist. - -"I'll go with you," I said. - -Dagomert, a tall, pale fellow, with a comical expression, -good-humouredly undertook our commission. - -"Hand 'em over. I've got piles more already. I hope to have the luck to -come across a post-office. They keep me on the run all right. I've just -come from Censenvoye. It's a business getting along the road with all -these troops, too!" - -I asked him if he knew anything about the battle. How were things going? - -He exclaimed: - -"We've just given them a fine doing!" - -"Seriously?" - -A thrill ran through me. But I mistrusted these tales. - -"We saw some wounded belonging to the 130th yesterday.... They didn't -think it much fun!" I objected. - -"I can understand that! Their regiment was wiped out!" - -"Well, then?" - -"That was just at the beginning! It was up to the Bosches to advance. -We let them cross the river.... Heavens! How they swarmed! Then all at -once the 75's began to talk!... Their bridges were smashed up at once. -And the arms and legs and heads that were flying about!... It appears -to have been highly entertaining!" - -"And now?" - -"We're pursuing them. Bringing up reinforcements, and masses of -artillery!" - -He added: - -"But we've been badly cut up!" - -"In ours?" - -"If you saw the ambulance, just over there!" - -Frémont interrupted: - -"Halloa! That our lot starting?" - -"Yes, there was something doing down there." - -"_Au revoir_, Dagomert, old chap!" - -We hurried along. The men had got their packs on, and were assembling -without any more signs of emotion than when starting for an ordinary -route march. The lieutenant's excitement was in striking contrast with -the phlegmatic appearance of the rest. He was fussing and running up -and down. - -"Entrenching tools.... Entrenching tools in your belts! Cartridges -where you can get at them!" - -"Don't you worry!" murmured Lamalou testing the mechanism of his rifle. - -Henriot came up at once. - -"Made up their minds at last. Not a bit too early either." - -He had a wild look in his eye. It pleased me to excite him still more: - -"Things are not going badly you know!" - -"What! What! Have you heard something?" - -I repeated the information the motor-cyclist had given us. He hurriedly -consulted his map. - -"On the bank, you say? We're pursuing them? Oh, but that means a great -victory!" - -The captain blew his whistle. We formed into a semi-circle. - -"My friends ..." he began. - -Armed with a piece of straw, Humel was tickling his neighbour's neck. -This childishness shocked me. - -The captain said only a few words. He was nothing of an orator. I -was afraid for a moment that his speech might end in gibbering. He -recovered himself and concluded. And the men seemed moved by it. It -didn't take much to do the trick! - -The company formed up again, by platoons, in columns of four. I -considered my companions, one by one, with passionate curiosity. - -Bouillon was licking his lips, topping that last bit of cheese! Judsi -had got hold of Siméon, and was ragging him, telling him that big louts -like him would be the first to be knocked out. Siméon was genuinely -amused by the idea. Lamalou was calmly blackening Icard's, the -miller's, sight. They might all have been a hundred miles away from the -battle-field where more than one of them would fall! - -And Guillaumin? I asked him how he felt. - -"Pretty fit, thanks. I've had a good nap!" - -It did not seem to occur to him that I might be solicitous about his -morale. - -They were all heroes then. My goodness no! Simply happy-go-lucky! There -was a slight distinction though, and whatever it was, they scored by -a propitious frame of mind. I was afraid that I might show up badly, -being the only one to remain clear-headed. What could be done about it? -I forced a wry smile. - -Then I saw that Corporal Donnadieu was looking very unhappy and -depressed. His nostrils looked pinched, and he was gazing at the -ground.... He was obviously not keen to fight. I felt sorry for him. He -was no doubt thinking of his wife, of his two children, one of them on -the way.... - -I caught sight of Frémont, standing stock-still in the rear of the -first platoon. I knew what he was dreaming of too. I repented at the -thought that I might have impaired his courage yesterday. A persistent -shadow seemed to have clouded his face ever since ... I only hoped that -he too might get through. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -THE BAPTISM OF FIRE - - -Once having left the wood, we reached the little hilltop of which I -have already spoken. - -In spite of having been told that the modern battle-field is empty, I -had never imagined anything so desert like as this. Not a man to be -seen in these fields which sloped gently downwards; it was abandoned -territory. - -The firing still continued to rage around us. We could even distinguish -a distant crackling now, either rifle-firing or shrapnel, a sign that -we were getting nearer. - -When we passed by a Calvary, I saw some of the men sign themselves, -Gaudéreaux and Trichet among others. They would never have done it -during manoeuvres. Why was I inclined to see in this Calvary one of the -points which would decide the fate of the struggle? I think I must have -been hypnotised by the remembrance of the one at Isly. I recollected -Zola's superb pages in _La Débâcle_. Another passage which recurred to -my mind was the description of Waterloo in _La Chartreuse_ for which I -had had a great admiration ever since my schooldays. I was tempted to -compare myself with Fabrice. How far removed I was from his freshness -of spirit, his youthful enthusiasm. - -Guillaumin suddenly signed to me. - -"Just look at that!" - -Down below us, yonder, there rose a puff of smoke, then another nearer; -a third; all in a line. They might have been little bonfires lit by an -invisible hand. The bursting points of shells! - -The noise of the short sharp reports reached us. - -"Look out," Guillaumin whispered to me. "They're lengthening their -range!" - -We had stopped, silent and nonplussed. The captain galloped along the -line. - -"To fifty paces--extend." - -Henriot bellowed, repeating the order. There was no panic. I think no -one had fully realised yet that those slight puffs which had appeared -were a direct menace to us. - -We had taken up the extended order and went on marching, but with -rather broken ranks. - -"Close up! Close up!" shouted Henriot. - -He was running. I noticed that he had drawn his sword. It was very -funny. Did he think that he was about to charge? He tried to put it -back into the sheath. He stumbled. The men nudged each other with their -elbows. A pint of good blood! - -Our "connecting file" rushed up. - -"Blob formation!" - -Henriot, who was still struggling with his scabbard, hesitated. Then he -shouted: - -"Left incline! No. Right incline! No. As you were!" - -"He's all at sea!" said Guillaumin. - -Suddenly.... What was happening? Something whistled past. - -"Lie down!" - -I threw myself down, and the men too, without waiting for the order. -One did it instinctively. - -"Testudos! Testudos!" bellowed Henriot, in an extraordinarily shrill -voice. - -There was a gigantic explosion close at hand; the ground shook. We were -lying _pêle-mêle_, wherever we'd happened to fall, in groups of eight -or ten, and covering much too much ground. - -"Close! Close!" I shouted. "Glue yourselves on to each other." - -But the ground was shaken again, some flints were sent flying against -us. No one stirred. What an instant that was. I hardly dared to look -round. As far as the eye could see our men were scattered over the -ground in little driblets in the same way in which water spilt on a -pavement trickles into tiny pools. - -I had predicted that I would be clear-headed. - -Shells poured from the radiant sky, preceded by their awe-inspiring -blast. We realised which were meant for us, and would fall within a -radius of two or three hundred yards. If a single one hit the mark -nothing would be left of us but a bleeding mass. O God of Chance! I -humbly placed myself in His hands. Second after second passed in the -expectation of annihilation. Then I recovered a certain amount of -detachment in the thought that I had lost all control over my fate. My -thoughts were in a whirl. Life was a fine thing. I might have employed -the time allotted to me very differently. My youth contained nothing. I -detested Laquarrière. I had made a mess of my share of existence! And -mixed with these regrets was a new hope hard to explain. - -How many minutes had passed. There was a lull. A voice was raised; it -was Bouillon's. - -"Nobody killed!" - -The relief of it! We raised ourselves up on to our knees. Some -aeroplanes were circling above us. Taubes, of course! - -"Up you get!" - -The neighbouring section had started off again. We advanced rapidly. -Our connecting file came towards us at the double. - -"By sections!" - -Henriot repeated: - -"Dreher, Guillaumin, by sections!" - -We looked at each other, then I exclaimed: - -"Come along, the 2nd with me!" - -The men did not seem to understand. - -"Bouguet, Donnadieu." - -Guillaumin had gone off to rally his thirty _poilus_. - -Mine at last made up their minds to follow me, in some disorder. - -What formation ought we to adopt? Two deep? Columns of four? -Consult Henriot? I hailed him. Waste of energy. He went off making -incomprehensible signals to Guillaumin. We must make the best of it. - -"Two deep! Two deep!" - -The booming began again ... for us, this lot! - -"Kneel!" - -I shook Siméon by the shoulder! - -"Close! Testudos!" - -A few actually remembered what to do--Lamalou and Bouillon. They stuck -their heads between the legs of the men kneeling in front of them. -Their neighbours imitated them. - -I had been the last to get down, at the head of my small column. There -was no one for me to shelter behind, so I ran a greater risk than any -of the others. - -"Get back here, Sergeant," said Corporal Bouguet, "we'll make room for -you!" - -I crawled back, and slipped in between him and Trichet. - -"Thanks!" - -I was guilty of a little bit of bluff and stuck my head out. There was -a regular hurricane going on. All round us there were great spurts of -smoke and dust, and clods of earth were hurled against us. But the pack -seemed a great protection, and I felt that we were not very vulnerable -really. Some shells did not burst, and I made a remark to that effect. - -I had to watch the movements of the neighbouring sections in order to -conform to them. - -They were going on again. - -"Advance!" - -We went on. - -"Pretty hot stuff!" said Judsi. "We ought to go in zigzags, best way to -get through," he advised. - -I approved. - -Judsi's right. The range only varies in depth. - -We were beginning to distinguish the sound of the different shells -through this infernal din. The big ones were always impressive; we -frankly snapped our fingers at the smaller ones. - -"Is that all?" said Bouguet as a splinter of shrapnel bounced off his -pack. - -"Listen!" Lamalou exclaimed, "there are the 75's letting loose." - -I don't know what we expected. A miracle--the immediate cessation of -the enemy's fire. We were disillusioned. It redoubled in intensity. -One or two shells again fell near by. - -"Ah!" exclaimed Bouguet. "That got 'em!" - -"Who?" - -"The lads of No. 1! Fell slap in the middle of 'em." - -A shiver ran down my back. I only hoped to goodness that Frémont -was all right. Looking round I saw haggard faces turned towards us. -Corporal Donnadieu was deadly white. I forced a smile and shouted: - -"Halloa there! How are you getting along?" - -"So, so," said Lamalou. - -I nearly tripped over a black, cylinder-shaped mass. - -"Look out there. A 'dud'!" - -They avoided it and Bouillon said: - -"Lucky you gave tongue like that. I was just going to tip it a hefty -biff." - -How long did that march under artillery fire last? We covered a good -bit of ground, two or three broad undulations. We halted, and reformed -and advanced. From time to time we came across an enormous hole, five -or six feet across and three feet deep, which we had to go round. - -"Pretty useful, their 'coal boxes,' to make such pits." - -Happily, Judsi, cried: - -"They're digging a grave for the Kaiser!" - -My one idea was to keep my intervals. - -Bouillon asked me whether a river we were coming to was the Meuse. - -I made him repeat it. A river? Why so there was.... The Othain perhaps? -For everyone was talking about it.... - -"How are we to get across? Swim?" - -I was asking myself the same question. The bursts of firing grew less -frequent. We advanced in rushes, for longer distances, but not so fast. -We felt comparatively safe. Our attention was beginning to wander.... - -"Lie down! We're in for it now!" - -There was a terrible explosion close by, on our left ... a flash, and a -stinging blast. I saw Bouguet put his hand up to his cap; a bit of the -peak had gone. - -Looking up, I shouted: - -"Anything the matter?" - -"Yes!" - -The squall was not over. Never mind that! I ran along. A man was -writhing on the ground. - -"It's Blanchet," said Judsi. - -"Where's he hit?" - -"In the bread-basket." - -The poor fellow was lying doubled up on his side. He was holding back -his guts with his two hands stuck through a hole in his greatcoat. At -a movement he made to push his gun aside, I caught sight of them.... I -was petrified with horror, just as I had been one evening when I had -seen a child pulled from under a tram. But I realised that everyone's -gaze was fixed on me. I said: - -"Donnadieu, he's in your half-section, isn't he?" - -The corporal did not answer. His face was mottled, and there were beads -of perspiration on his forehead. - -"You must ... take away his ammunition!" I continued. - -He hesitated, then bent down with terrible repugnance, and touched the -wounded man's cartridge-pouches. He had some difficulty in opening -them, because his hands were trembling. - -Blanchet was giving in, his eyes were growing dim, and yet he had the -courage to move a little to enable us to undo his haversack, which was -also emptied. I repeated: - -"Come along! Come along. Hurry up!" - -Donnadieu murmured: - -"I say, Sergeant, surely you won't leave him like that?" - -I read in his eyes the vague hope of staying behind, of slinking -away.... - -"Come along! We must catch the others up!" I said impatiently. - -Then less harshly: - -"The stretcher party will come and pick him up; they are sure not to be -far off." - -I bent down over the wounded man: - -"Do you hear, old chap?" - -He gave me a poignant look, without uttering a word. I stammered: - -"You'll be all right, you'll find! _Au revoir!_" - -Then raising myself I added more firmly: - -"And now we must get on!" - -The men followed me, but there were some very painful moments to be got -through. - -"The father of a family!" signed Siméon who knew him. - -Our column was lengthening. I waited for the stragglers. - -"Come along! Donnadieu, Trichet!..." - -The ground sloped down towards the river. We were surprised by a -strange, fetid smell in the air, which was oddly out of keeping with -this harmonious countryside, gilded by the summer. We tried to make out -what it was. - -"Corpses!" - -"And not French ones either!" - -It was a fact that these grey forms lying in the grass were Germans--a -regular hecatomb. Rows upon rows of dead bodies, which, in some places, -we had to step over.... When had they fallen there? A day or two before -no doubt. The men drew each other's attention to some ravens wheeling -overhead or perched near by, croaking. - -_Pouah!_ - -I thought of nothing but how to keep my nose covered. The men were less -horrified, and seemed on the contrary interested, some of them almost -amused. They were brutes, at heart, with no respect for anything! - -Lamalou made a vile remark, revived from Sylla: - -"It's Bosche. It smells good!" - - - - -CHAPTER X - -A MOMENT'S RESPITE - - -We reached the river which I afterwards discovered was the Loison. -There was no difficulty there. Some foot-bridges had been erected, -which bent beneath our weight till they touched the water. - -On the other bank we were greeted by some Engineers. - -"We've been working the water-wheel for you foot-sloggers! Isn't that -worth a drink?" - -We replied: - -"In Berlin!" - -The torrent of shells still continued, but passed over our heads. Our -field-guns retorted, but only feebly, as we were well aware. - -We began to clamber up the other side of the valley. More corpses! On -our right we could see the smoking ruins of a village. But our morale -had much improved, for we had just crossed the water-bed where the -enemy's efforts had spent themselves in vain for three whole days. - -Pffmm...! Pffmm...! We looked up. - -"Pills?" - -Bullets. Yes! An unpleasant sensation. - -In the fields on a line with us, we caught sight of isolated soldiers -(rotters--the lost lot), lying down or cowering on the ground, others -dragging themselves along on their knees, or limping along. Where the -deuce was the enemy? Perhaps at the edge of that wood about twelve -hundred yards away, but invisible, needless to say. - -A bank skirted a cross-road running along the side of the hill. We went -towards it. Cover! Everyone felt the need of a real halt. The wish was -fulfilled. We formed into sections. - -Guillaumin greeted me with: - -"Any of you hit? I was very much afraid so, for a minute!" - -"A man named Blanchet," I said; "a splinter in the stomach!" - -"Poor devil! Two kids, I believe!" - -"And what about your lot?" - -"Nobody. Not like the first. A shell made an awful mess of them." - -"Frémont?" - -"He wasn't touched, luckily." - -Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, joined us. - -"Halloa, you chaps, going strong?" - -We answered cordially: - -"Not so bad for a start." - -"We've done jolly well!" he said with naïve delight. - -The captain came up accompanied by two subalterns. Some of the men -began to get up. - -"Stay as you are. It's not worth getting you fired at!" - -"And what about you, sir!" Lamalou remarked. - -"Oh, I'm taboo!" - -The other gazed at him. The captain repeated: - -"They can't do me any harm to-day!" - -He smiled, his moustache bristling slyly. Then, turning to one of his -companions: - -"Pleased with your N.C.O.'s, Henriot?" - -"Very much pleased, sir! Dreher and Guillaumin especially have done -remarkably well!..." - -"I was sure of it." - -They went off. Guillaumin whispered: - -"All over us, isn't he?" - -He was joking, but I felt that he was touched and proud, dear chap that -he was. - - * * * * * - -This rest did us both harm and good. Good, because we recovered from -our exhaustion. We had a drink and a bite. Harm, because we softened -and no one wanted to go on again. - -An intermittent firing went on. Pffmm...! A bullet!... another!... and -another!... Judsi pretended to catch them. - -We heard that a man had just been killed in Ravelli's platoon, a bullet -through his head. Confound it! We bent down. It was oppressively hot. - -Then the artillery started off again. The order was passed along to lie -down and protect our heads with our packs. The cartridge-pouches caused -us agony. We stayed like that for nearly three-quarters of an hour. The -men grew restless, and would rather have done a bolt, even forwards. I -was the only one, I believe, to prefer the fatigue and less risk. - -Henriot came to warn us to be ready. - -We were. Some of the men readjusted their belts and straps. - -A company on our right, the 23rd, was starting. Bouguet, who was -watching it, exclaimed: - -"Lawks. They're going down like ninepins!" - -Guillaumin gave me a short lecture. All the theories they had taught -us at the "Peloton" were out of date, all the supposed lessons of -the Russo-Japanese war! The movements now must be carried out in -established formations, sections for preference. The advantage of it -was that the men felt they had support. Yes, but what a target they -offered for the machine-guns in ambush. - -Whom should I see appearing at my side but De Valpic, who crawled up. - -"I wanted to come and wish you good luck," he said simply. - -"Very nice of you!" - -Lifting up my water-bottle, I said: - -"Have a drink?" - -"No thanks, Frémont gave me some water." - -I was surprised. I had thought that that was the errand he had come -on. But I was mistaken. He went away again. It was a purely friendly -proceeding. - -The order to start was delayed. Even I began to get impatient. -Guillaumin, who had gone off, reappeared and confided in me that there -had been great excitement. - -The captain had just discovered Descroix tearing off his stripes. - -"What an idea!" - -"On the pretext that N.C.O.'s are marked particularly." - -"Well?" - -"It turned out badly. The captain called him ... a coward. He defended -himself and contended that there was no need for him to get himself -killed for nothing!" - -"No one is ever killed for nothing!" the other answered. "And as to -your stripes, if you daren't wear them, I'll relieve you of them!" - -"The captain's a fool!" I said. - -"Do you think so?" - -"Certainly! It's probably true that the Bosches mark the N.C.O.'s." - -Goodness knows I held no brief for Descroix, but Guillaumin disgusted -me then with his little heroic sniffs. - -I had decided to use my pack as a shield. I told him. - -"Pooh! Do you think that's any good?" - -I implored him to follow my example. It was sufficient protection -against grape-shot. He ended by allowing himself to be convinced, and -gave the same advice to the men who for the most part did not follow it. - -Henriot, on his knees, was watching for the signal and giving us -endless pieces of advice in an under-tone. - -"You'll all start at once. Keep your eyes fixed on me, see? At the -double. Is that clear? And as for firing, be careful about that. Be -sure to wait for the order to fire!" - -"Talk away," muttered Lamalou; "think we're going to wait for your -bally permission when we get a sight of the Bosches?" - -The whistle was blown. - -"Advance!" shouted the subaltern. - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -A MUCH STIFFER MATTER - - -We had hardly taken fifteen steps when the whistle began in our ears -again! We threw ourselves down. But not quickly enough! Our left -hesitated ... and got mixed. - -"Scatter! Can't you? You ..." I shouted. - -A man spun round and fell. - -Henriot bellowed: - -"Can't you lie down?" - -But his voice hardly reached us. - -"Why doesn't he lie down himself?" said Judsi. "Wot's the sense in it?" - -He added: - -"Pore Siméon. See wot a bloomin' pirouette 'e made. Didn't I say 'e was -too tall!" - -The firing slackened off, but we naturally saw nothing. A new rush--too -long that one! Pffmm.... Crack! We were enveloped in a noise like the -snapping of straps. A man fell not far from me, and the fellow next him -looked as if he were going to stop. - -"No, no! There isn't time," I shouted. - -"Run! Run!" shouted Henriot. - -It was easily said! - -We had just gone into a ploughed field, and the earth stuck to our -shoes. - -"Will you run?" repeated the subaltern in a feverish tone. - -I began to trot ponderously, steadying my water-bottle and my -haversack. Two or three of the men did the same, but at the end of -twenty yards we gave it up, out of breath.... - -I turned round and saw one of my chaps fall. I ran up. - -"Well, Loriot, what's up now?" - -"Oh, the blighters!" he groaned. "Oh, the bloody bastards!" - -"What's the matter?" - -His hands were glued to his front. He shrieked. - -"Ow! my rupture!" - -It was put on. I was not going to be caught! - -"Get up!" - -"Not much!" - -I shook him. - -"Up you get, Loriot!" - -While he was going into contortions the others were gaining ground. -Infuriated I yelled in his ear: - -"You could be shot for this!" - -But I suddenly felt doubtful. Was he really shamming? Tears were oozing -out of his eyes. - -"It's because I ran," he groaned. - -The rest was lost.... He abruptly unbuckled his belt, and his braces. -I bent down; there was a lump as big as my fist.... He hiccoughed, and -vomited. - -Stupefied and sickened, I stammered: - -"Yes, yes.... Then.... St-tay where you are!" - - * * * * * - -All I had to do was to catch up with the rest. But now a new storm of -bullets began to whizz by--thicker than ever--buzzing like a swarm of -bees.... And, Pap! Pap! Parapap! Pap!... There surely must have been a -mitrailleuse in action. - -I was alone. I no longer had the support of friendly presences. I did -not take more than thirty yards. Good God! I suddenly collapsed. I -hurled myself on to the ground. - -My temples were throbbing. I could not get my breath. What did my life -hang on? A thread! Pfffff! Pffmm.... If one of these sinister flies -touched me ... there would be nothing left. The horror of such near -annihilation ... suffocated me. Nothing!... The black chasm.... I did -not want to.... - -With my mouth open I convulsively breathed the air. I soaked myself in -the supreme sweetness of things ... the dazzling sun, the transparent -sky, the green fields spread in my sight, and the blue curtain of the -woods, encircling the clear horizon...! - -Pffmm! Less than two yards from my face a little dust arose, a clod -had been hit by a bullet. I buried my head in the furrow. I dreamt of -digging a hole, and burying myself in it, alive! - -My section was almost disappearing yonder, nearly two hundred yards -away.... I suddenly regained consciousness. What was I doing? I was a -coward then? - -A coward? The word hurt me! Stay here behind. Oh, if only I had a -wound! How I longed for one, no matter how bad a one as long as it was -not mortal!... Or a sprain. I twisted my ankle and--must I confess -it--pressed on it with all my strength. - -There was nothing to be done! The ligaments held. As a matter of fact -I soon gave it up, realising that I must go on. It had got to be done! - -I was just about to overtake my section when there was a new unexpected -noise ... like a huge piece of calico being torn.... They were opening -fire farther down the line. But upon what? Nobody knew, but it was the -signal for everyone to let fly. Instantly there was a crackle from one -end of our line to the other. - -When I came up some of the men turned round to look at me. - -"Here's the sergeant!" - -"Didn't expect to see you again!" - -"Why not?" - -"Thought you must be dead!" - -"Oh, rot!" - -Did I redden. Bouguet whispered to me: - -"You must keep your eyes open. Some of 'em try to do a bunk on the -Q.T.!" - -I did not feel quite sure that he was not pulling my leg. Henriot -bellowed: - -"Yes, yes. Keep it up. Fire away!" - -No detail as to the sight, or target, or the length of range. A man was -missing! Guillaumin who crawled past, exclaimed: - -"You ought to have been there, you see!" - -Henriot now corrected himself: - -"Cease firing! Advance!" - -He got up and repeated the order. Nobody stirred. He lay down again and -looked at us as if asking for advice. I pretended not to notice it. The -men feverishly continued to bring their rifles to the shoulder, fire -them, and reload. - -I dropped on Moulard who was lying just behind Trichet and barely -escaped hitting him at every shot he fired. Trichet drew back looking -dazed, without seeming to understand. - -The worthy Gaudéreaux who was beside him was firing precipitously. - -But at what? At what? - -In his agitation he got his lock jammed. I took hold of his rifle which -burnt my hand. It took me a long while to repair the damage and I -repeated: - -"Why, in thunder, are you so set on playing with your trigger?" - -Our losses were still slight. Only one man hit, in Guillaumin's -section. But on ahead I caught sight of a barbed-wire entanglement -surrounding a field. An unpleasant obstacle! And it was in our sector -all right! - -There was probably a ditch too. Henriot shouted: - -"Here goes for cover!" - -He started off courageously, and this time the men followed him. We -covered the intervening space in a single rush, a foolish mistake which -cost us two men. Judsi delighted his lads by imitating a horse's gallop. - -The bullets shrieked over our heads as we crouched in the ditch. We let -off a few desultory shots on the chance of hitting something. A minute -or two passed. The subaltern was worrying about how to cross this -entanglement!... - -"It's quite simple," said Guillaumin. "Who's got the wire-nippers?" - -"I have," said Corporal Bouguet. - -Henriot hesitated: - -"They'd better...." - -"What?" - -"Be made use of...." - -"Very good, sir." - -Bouguet calmly got up, and climbed out of the ditch. He knelt up and -set to work. - -"Good for you, Corporal!" shouted Bouillon. - -It was a thrilling moment. The bullets whizzed and whistled all round -him. He was a hero. He took his time about it, and it was a miracle -that he was not hit ten times over! - -"Will that do?" he asked. - -"Excellently!" - -He passed through the gap he had made and went and lay down in the -field. - -How tempted I was to admire him, but I restrained the impulse. He -simply had no nerves, that was all. As for me my temperament forbade -such achievements.... - -"Our turn now," said the lieutenant. "Follow me." - -He made a dash and slipped through. He was not touched either. A great -piece of luck. But then suddenly he lost his head and began to run -forward all alone through the hail of bullets, without looking round. -He went on for about fifty yards, then stopped, and disappeared into -the hole made by a shell, in all probability. Yes, he had to call to us -from there. His arm waved. We realised that he would never dare to come -back to fetch us! - -"Well, now we're in command of the platoon!" Guillaumin said to me. -"Let's each take charge of our men, what?" - -He added: - -"We must get on!" - -"Who'll go first?" I asked. - -"I will, if you like." - -He raised his voice to give his orders: - -"When you get through, advance in skirmishing order by the right." - -He sent two men on ahead, and then joined them. The rest crowded -through. There were no hitches until it got to the last men, two of -whom fell, one killed outright, the other wounded. - -"I say, get them to fire a round!" shouted Guillaumin. - -I gave the order for a volley. It was distinctly thin, and besides -that, his men, having cleared the obstacle, stupidly inclined to the -left. We were firing straight into their backs. I had some difficulty -in getting my men to cease firing. - -Bouillon said to me: - -"The lucky chaps!" - -"Why?" - -"To have gone through first!" - -They had left two dead men behind them, whose bodies half filled up the -gap. - -Our turn now. - -I felt strangely detached. I watched myself get up and heard myself -telling off the three men nearest to me: - -"Get on, you, and you, and you!" - -They went, much against their will. - -"Get a move on!" - -The first man lost his balance just as he got to the entanglement, and -fell back into the ditch. The others immediately flung themselves back -again. - -I turned to the next two: - -"You show them the way, Trichet and Bouillon!" - -Bouillon looked at me imploringly, and neither of them budged an inch. - -Pffmm! Pffmm! went the bullets above us! - -"Aren't you ever coming?" shouted Guillaumin. - -"No. 2 section is just as good as No. 1 section, surely!" I exclaimed. - -Somebody muttered: - -"After you!" - -I implored Bouillon to try and get one or two through. - -He sighed, and called out: - -"Villain ... and Judsi, old chap, aren't you going to show them how?" - -"You don't mean it?" said Judsi. - -He came rolling along. Villain stood up with difficulty. - -"Aa-h!" - -His head burst like a hand-grenade. - -Judsi ducked, giving vent to Cambronne's historical exclamation. -Shaking like an aspen I wiped my sleeve on the grass. - -At that instant a shot rang out among our men. What clumsiness! Beside -myself, I shouted: - -"Donnadieu!" - -The corporal answered from his half-section. Was he there? Yes, I -caught sight of him and went up to him. - -"Donnadieu," I said excitedly, "I'm going on with some of the men. -You'll shove the others along, see?... Kick them if necessary." - -He looked down, and muttered something. I caught the word "wounded." - -"What wounded? You wounded?" - -This expression of misery and terror on his face ... his rifle lying on -the ground. With his right hand he took hold of the other fist, and -raised it with difficulty to show me.... - -Blood was dripping from his hand. The middle finger was in a horrid -mess and hung down limply, by a strand of skin; a fragment of bone was -sticking out. - -"Poor old chap ..." I began. - -But I suddenly had an intuition. The man's eyes avoided me. - -"It's a put-up job," I shouted down his ear; "you've done it yourself!" - -I shook him roughly by the shoulder. The wretched creature tottered, -and fell on his side, protecting his mutilated hand. - -"You hound!" - -I ground my teeth: - -"A good job if it kills you!" - -I believe that in my rage I went so far as to kick him.... One's own -weak moments are so easily forgotten.... I was choking with anger -and disgust, and the agony too of being unequal to my task.... I was -responsible; and we were hanging back behind all the others, making a -gap in the front of attack. - -Our comrades who had gone on began to abuse us. - -"A lot o' bloomin' funks!" - -"Going to stay behind are you?" - -I was forced to act. I felt my mind lashed by the burning blast of -decision. - -I began by rebuckling my pack behind my shoulders. Freedom for one's -arms was an obvious necessity. - -I stood up and said in a firm tone: - -"We've not done yet; we've got to get through!" - -My cheeks were scorching. Everyone was looking at me. I think I gave -the impression of the most absolute coolness. - -"Come along! Come along! Bouillon...!" - -I reached the gap without hurrying myself. Pffmm! Pffmm! That terrible -buzzing.... I got through and shouted imperiously: - -"Hurry up! Hurry up there!" - -I was standing up. I had set them in motion. Bouillon, Lamalou, and -some others hurried along, bending down.... Someone shouted: - -"Lie down, Sergeant, lie down!" - -I lost all consciousness of what was passing. I was thinking of a -thousand other things--of my brother.... I calmly wondered if he had -been killed in this way. However, some instinct urged me to kneel down, -and then the realisation of the danger we were in seized me.... If only -I could have thrown myself down and lain still! But ten of my men were -still on the other side. I felt bound to wait until the last one had -come through. And they did not hurry themselves! How bitter I felt. All -my senses were waking up again. I was annoyed with myself for exposing -myself like this, but I could not prevent myself from doing so. - -I had got them all over at last! Guillaumin got his _poilus_ together -for a new rush. - -"Advance!" - -Nobody dropped out; nobody, that is, except two poor lads who were -killed on the spot. - -"At the gallop!" cried Judsi, who was once more pretending to be a -horse. - -I signed to them to keep extended order. We ran along like that for -about one hundred yards, almost without casualties, and then crowded -all together behind a narrow tank. - -There was heavy firing for a few minutes; a relaxation for the nerves! -Two hundred and fifty yards! At the edge of the wood! Fire! I had given -my orders quite at random. - -Bouillon assured me emphatically that he could make out the peaked -helmets. I, too, was firing madly, as an excuse for giving no more -directions. - -I suddenly saw Henriot beside me; he shouted: - -"Cease firing!" - -And leaning towards me, said: - -"Steady on; you must husband your ammunition! And the show's over for -to-day!" - -Over? It was only then that I noticed that the sun had just -disappeared, that the night was falling. The engrossing struggle had -robbed us of all idea of time. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -WE COLLECT OURSELVES - - -"No! Call yourselves _poilus_!" Bouillon exclaimed. - -We looked at each other, and at the strained faces smeared with sweat -and powder, the torn greatcoats, the knees and hands covered with -earth. But what a feeling of buoyancy! In me most of all! I dared not -predict the issue of the battle. Victory or defeat, that seemed of very -slight importance to me, I admit, compared with the fact that I was -still alive. - -The night was falling. Behind us was the river, indicated by the dark -waving of the willow-trees and in the distance the slopes of the -farther bank were all enveloped in a haze of wan violet tones. - -The captain was on his rounds. - -"Well, what did you think of it, Dreher?" he asked me. - -"Most interesting, sir!" - -He went away, after giving me a cordial glance from his piercing eyes. - -I sounded Henriot. Was there any hope of a distribution of...? - -"None at all! Ssh! Don't let's talk about that!" - -Certain measures were taken in view of a possible attack, and some -rough trenches made. I wondered that volunteers were found for -sentry-duty, and others for a fatigue party, led by Guillaumin, in -search of water. - -The latter for that matter looked after everything. He had directed -the trench-digging and had made out the casualty returns, and then, -being quite indefatigable, he left us to go and get news of the other -platoons. - -Rolled up in my great-coat, I was wishing for nothing so much as a -doze, when he reappeared. - -"Well?" - -"I say, I've just heard a heart-breaking bit of news!" - -"What? Who?" - -"Poor little Frémont!" - -I raised myself on my elbow: - -"Oh. Is he hit?" - -"Badly hit, apparently!" - -My heart contracted. What a nightmare! That child who had been with me -on the highroad yesterday, whom I had led on...! I saw him growing pale -at the sight of the stretchers ... was it a presentiment...? And I had -a vision of him on the bench in the garden the other day, folding his -darling in his arms. - -Guillaumin's thoughts had kept pace with mine. - -"His wife," he said. "How sad it is! And you know she was expecting ... -that they ... had hopes...." - -"Yes, I know." - -We were silent for a moment. Dull misery was brewing in me. Then -Guillaumin got up; he wanted to spend his night beside his men. - -"And I," I said, in a strangled voice, "you have no suspicions?" - -"You! What about it?" - -"My brother...." - -"Well?" - -"Has been killed." - -"You're mad! How in the world could you know?" - -"I heard it this morning." - -He stammered: - -"You.... Your brother ... the subaltern?" - -"Yes." - -He seized my hand. - -"Michel.... Why ... didn't you tell me about it?" - -My Christian name! I had quite got out of the habit of hearing it. -I was touched, and pressed his warm hands. Tears rose to my eyes. I -experienced the sad and yet sweet consolation which the affection of -living people brings in the presence of death. He was a true friend. -I admired the delicacy which made him hold his peace; so many people -would have thought of nothing at that moment except of lavishing a flow -of unmeaning words on me. He silently shared in my mourning. - -At last he said simply: - -"I am thinking of my sister. If I were killed ... or if she were to -die!..." - -He lingered for a few minutes, sitting beside me in the grass. There -was a hallowed silence.... Friendship, the purest of manly sentiments, -revealed itself to me in force.... - -I was the one to suggest he should go; he needed his sleep. - -We pressed hands again. - -"Mind you sleep, Michel." - -"Good-night, Claude...." - -He went away. I leaned my forehead on my arm, and tried to get to -sleep, but my face was burning. What strange tumultuous thoughts -besieged me. - -I caught myself repeating: "Victor, my poor Victor!" But this time -something was rent asunder. A veil fell. The artificial atmosphere -in which all my joys and sorrows had been deadened for so long was -dissipated. - -My man's heart began to bleed. I became conscious of my grief. Without -diminishing it I could now compare it, without blasphemy, with that -other, into which the death of my mother had formerly plunged me. A -double regret, identical, I felt in its essential point, for these two -beings were of my blood, my nearest relations, a little of myself. Part -of my life and future were buried with them. I understood now what an -irrecoverable part my brother had played in my life. I had loved him -when a child, and my childhood would never be renewed. Our gaze and -our minds had awakened to the same things. A thousand memories were -ours, ours alone. O Victor, I remembered the grace of your eighth, your -tenth year. Our wild games in the big house at Tours, and in the summer -holidays in the big garden at Emberménil. I admired you and adored you, -my strong elder brother, who never abused your strength, who used to -consent to being the "horse," out of your turn very often, so that I -might hold the reins. When you brought friends home you did not like -me, the youngest of the band, to be "ticked," and when I was "it" too -long, you let yourself be caught on purpose. - -I could remember my brother leaving for La Flêche as clearly as if it -had been yesterday. I was inconsolable. I was seven years old, and in -my unhappiness I refused to eat any pudding for a whole week! - -I was just beginning to write. With a great effort I managed to cover a -page for him every week. When he came back at Christmas, looking very -smart in his new uniform, how delighted, how overjoyed I had been. - -And then, little by little, we had drifted apart. - -My brother! I had not really known him! I never should know him. Oh, -the anguish of that thought. The fault had been on my side, for he in -his affection had made many advances. The hope of putting an end to the -misunderstanding between us never left him. Even quite lately certain -words of his showed his fondness for me. But I had always repulsed -him--he was shy, in spite of his handsome energetic appearance--by my -arrogance and coldness. - -Why had I decreed, ever since I was sixteen, that it was absurd for -men to kiss, and at our next meeting had put out my hand to stop his -customary greeting? - -How many times, it was more like a hundred than one, he must have been -grieved by my harshness and indifference before having resigned himself -to it. And had he ever resigned himself to it? - -Was it necessary that he should fall, to bring me to repentance. Alas! -If only he could have seen me now, me the egoist, pouring out bitter, -precious tears for him, the first for ten years. - -I seemed to have been born anew to the deeper human feelings. Access -to a sublime region was given back to me. My heart, which had been -shrivelled and hardened for so long, softened and expanded. In a -transport of generosity I tried to think who there was still left for -me to love on earth. - -The thought of my sister-in-law occurred to me first. I knew that, in -her great love for Victor, she would have welcomed me as a brother -as eagerly as she had welcomed a father. It was I again who had -discouraged her advances. I reproached myself for it. I foresaw the -hope of atoning for it. This death would create certain duties for me. -Madeleine had lost her parents, she had no relations except a married -sister at Versailles. When once my father had gone, I should be the -head of the family, the children's natural guardian. - -I thought of the little things' future. I would look after Xavier's -education, and guide him towards a fine career. And I saw the little -girl grow up. We would let her marry where her heart led her. - -I thought of my father with reverence too. Our sorrow drew us nearer -to each other. I imagined him being abandoned by his strength, when -he heard the news. My courage and my pity would support him without -humiliating him. I even dreamt that his love, robbed of its object, -would end by being concentrated entirely upon me. Was it only a fancy? -I remembered his clasp, and his voice which changed when we bid each -other farewell. - -Thus my thoughts strayed to each of my dear ones. I paused at each -vision to enjoy it. But it seemed to me that behind them all another -was hiding, undecided whether to appear or not! Suddenly a light shone -forth ... a silhouette rose up, of a child, slim and fair, with a grave -sweet smile, and tender eyes. It was such a dazzling apparition that -I thought of adorning it and setting it up as a secret goddess in the -inmost depths of my being to preside over my regeneration. - -I tried to sweep aside the idol, to dispel the nimbus of illusions.... -What did an exchange of post-cards, as a continuation of our talks in -the holidays, signify? - -The phantom refused to fade away; it reigned, pure and enthralling, in -my consciousness. It was becoming an obsession. I decided to get up and -take a turn. - -The silent night enveloped everything, things and people, our line -and the enemy's. Most of the men were sleeping, tired out, but the -sentries, standing a few yards ahead, peered into the mysterious -darkness. - -In No. 2 platoon some of the men were still talking below their breath. -I recognised the voices of Judsi and Corporal Bouguet. - -"There ain't nothing wrong with the lieutenant, but 'e loses 'is 'ead!" - -"Tell you who's a bit of all right, and that's the sergeants!" - -"As for Dreher, 'e knocked me silly, that 'e did. 'E's a cove wot won't -stop at nothink, 'e is." - -I did not listen any longer, but passed by, smiling. I was touched, -and surprised at being so. And I thought, "Father, father, if only you -could hear them!..." - - - - -_BOOK VI_ - -_August 14th-25th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -A VICTORIOUS DAWN - - -The cold woke me as usual. I was stiff with cramp from my left shoulder -down to my hip.... It would be a miracle if we did not all get our -deaths of rheumatism. - -An oppressive silence reigned. I put my hand out to feel the grass damp -with dew. I could make out the shadow of my comrades a few yards away. - -I rubbed myself and stretched my muscles. I was really remarkably -fit on the whole, and the excruciating contraction in my side soon -disappeared. I looked out. The Huns yonder must be dreading our -awakening. I tried to recall the magnanimous feelings with which I had -lulled myself to sleep a few hours ago, but I was too drowsy. Only one -vision consented to charm me, the face of a young girl. - -"At the wheel already, Dreher?" - -It was the subaltern. He told me he had not slept much. - -"There might have been a counter-attack! I had to keep on at my -rounds!" - -When he was just on the point of going away, he said: - -"I say, Dreher, I hear, that is, Guillaumin told me, your brother...!" - -"Oh, so you know about it. It has been a great blow!" - -"We'll revenge him all right," he assured me. - -A lot of good that would do me, I thought. - -There was nothing to show where the east was. An indefinite brightness -however replaced the darkness by insensible degrees. The tops of the -willow-trees at the bottom of the valley were emerging from a woolly -haze. - -All our lot were up and about, now. The cooks found a way, without -consulting the lieutenant, of going to make the coffee a few hundred -yards to the rear. - -Judsi, who brought up the first bucketful, said to me: - -"Give us your mug, Sergeant!" - -"I go in with the '10th,'" I objected, but he assured me that it would -give them so much pleasure, we'd got on so well yesterday. - -I let him give me some, and tasted it. - -"Clinking, your coffee." - -"Here's to you!" - -Big Henry soon came up on behalf of the other half-section; and I had -to accept a second cupful, in order to prevent any jealousy. What -enchanted me was that I had won the esteem of these fellows--at small -cost, goodness knows! - -A little firing had been heard for the last few minutes, but only in -the distance, strange to say! Nothing serious so far! - -The quartermaster-sergeant passed, inquiring what ammunition we had -left! Nothing very great! We had played havoc with it. - -"No more need of bullets!" Guillaumin interrupted joyously. "We're -going to do some storming now!" - -I had not seen him since last night. Unbrushed, unshaven, his dirty -face shining. Was this, I thought, henceforward to be my friend, my -best friend? I would not allow myself to be ill-natured. - -He was wanted by Henriot, and crawled away. It was the only mode of -progression permitted. I was not sorry he had gone. I should have found -nothing to say to him. The prospect of a bayonet charge obviously -inflamed and excited him, just like that savage Lamalou who was -boasting that he would skewer, how many?--one, two, three--who would -have a bet on it? - -As for me, I admit that I dreaded those two hundred yards across -that no-man's-land (the last rush for how many of us!), and what -followed, still more the hand-to-hand fight with the bayonet, the -horrible butchery, the atrocious phase of the fighting for which no one -prepares, for no one would face it in cold blood. - -We had to wait for orders, for a long time, crouching behind the -earthworks with our rifles in our hands. - -It had got quite light. - -All at once, exclamations were heard. - -We looked round. - -A hussar was galloping across the fields behind us. - -"'E's arskin' ter be napoo'd!" Judsi exclaimed. - -What a target indeed! How could the enemy help having a shot! - -The horseman raced along the line, and disappeared. Not a single shot -had been fired by the Bosches. A few minutes of trying suspense -passed. Then a rumour ran along the line. Some of the men showed signs -of getting up. - -"Lie down!" Henriot commanded. - -But we saw Breton walking quickly towards us, without the customary -precautions. His face was beaming! - -When still thirty yards off, he shouted: - -"Nobody ahead of us now!" - -"What?" - -"They sloped off in the night!" - -The news flew from mouth to mouth. An ingenuous, delirious joy took -hold of our companions. A broadside of jokes burst forth. - -"The 'Allemans' funked us!" - -Judsi chuckled. - -"W'en the blighters saw the 1.3 being brought along ... they said to -themselves: 'Nothing to be done but to 'ook it.'" - -I breathed again. I marvelled at the fulfilment of my private wish. No -more danger for the moment. I should not be killed this morning! - -The hussar, who had brought the news, appeared again, and deliberately -urged his horse towards the woods, the zone which yesterday had been -inaccessible. There was a new outburst of delight, and the men began to -rag the sentries who had been on duty during the night: - -"Gaudéreaux, w'y couldn't 'ee tell us they'd done a bink. You was -snoozin', you old blighter, I dew believe." - - * * * * * - -Half an hour later, when arms had been piled, and the men dismissed to -rest, Guillaumin took me by the arm: - -"Let's go and see what's become of the others!" - -We met De Valpic on the way. He had not slept either, and was afraid he -had caught a cold.... - -"You'll not be the only one, my dear chap!" - -A few steps farther on there was a little group, the Humel-Playoust -lot. We went up to them, delighted to find them safe and sound. I don't -know what put the idea into my head of tapping Descroix on the shoulder -and saying to him: - -"Good biz. The N.C.O.'s haven't come off so badly, what?" - -He turned round in a fury. - -"What do you mean?" - -I understood. He must have thought I was alluding to that stupid affair -of the stripes, which had gone quite out of my head. So I turned to -Humel: - -"Was it you who saw Frémont fall?" - -"Yes." - -"Where was he hit?" - -"Oh, look here! One has all one can do to look after oneself!" - -The quartermaster-sergeant was making signs to us in the distance. We -went towards him. Guillaumin enlightened me on the way. - -"That Descroix business was a put-up job, you know. He doesn't like it -talked about." - -"All the worse if it was arranged beforehand!" - -Breton, who had joined us, took us to a clump of trees. When we got -there he said: - -"Look here!" - -A German officer was standing up leaning lightly against a shield. His -field-glasses were up to his eyes, and he seemed to be gazing through -the opening. - -Was he alive or dead? We hesitated but soon found out when we got -nearer. - -"Rather neat, what?" said Breton. - -While ferreting about near by, Guillaumin came across a shell-hole. He -exclaimed: - -"The work of the 75's. No wound, apparently. Simply the effect of the -concussion." - -Then with a knowing wink: - -"Pretty hot stuff these Turpin machines, what?" - -We looked for a few seconds at the big well-built man with regular -features, in the tightly fitting uniform trimmed with frogs. Some of -the men who had come up formed a circle round us. Lamalou, without any -hesitation, put his hand on the shoulder of the dead body.... - -I shall never forget the horror of it! The legs remained firmly -fixed, but the upper half of the body fell apart, as if it had been a -mannequin made in two pieces. - -We bolted, but the _poilus_ called to each other cheerily to come and -have a look. - -The halt continued; we extended the range of our walk as far as the -quarter occupied by the other battalion. We came across friends at -every other step, and greetings and hand clasps were more cordial than -usual: - -"No bad news, of your lot?" - -And the reply was awaited with the curious mixture of curiosity -and apprehension with which the list of victims is perused the day -following a catastrophe. - -We produced a painful effect each time. At the name of Frémont a look -of sincere commiseration appeared on all the faces. Everyone loved him -for his charm, and his good nature, this boy with the look of a girl -and the memory of his romance secretly touched all their hearts. - -The losses did not appear to be very serious; on the whole, our company -was among those to have suffered most. - -Someone announced that Denais, the big fellow in the 19th, had been -killed right at the beginning by a splinter of shrapnel. - -"Denais!" - -I was thunder-struck. We had been bed-neighbours for a week, once, in -the infirmary. We had seen a lot of him at F---- even during the last -few days. I could see his face contracting at the notes of the "Funeral -March." I heard him cry: "Oh, shut up! It's idiotic!..." And now he had -"gone west." - -What struck me most was that his disappearance did not seem to affect -any one. Not a single regret was expressed. At the "Peloton" he had -always, like myself, been one of those who knew how to get out of -things, difficult--again like me--to "catch out," like me polite and -sarcastic. General opinion classed us together as thorough egoists. - -"And how about your foot?" Guillaumin asked me. "How's it getting on?" - -It had not entered my head again! - -"All the better! Because now we shall have to fight chiefly on our -legs!" - -"Do you think so?" - -"We shall have to follow them up!" - -"Rot!" - -He looked at me. - -"By Jove, you don't look much as if you realised that we have just -gained a victory." - -I shrugged my shoulders, and he continued: - -"It must be rather a knock for the Bosches! A repetition of -Mulhouse...." - -I poured cold water on his enthusiasm. The enemy had retired of -themselves and had not been forced to by us; a manoeuvre on their part, -perhaps. And we saw only such a small part, a very small part. - -Guillaumin grew heated and hurled himself into nebulous strategical -problems. I enjoyed urging him on. At last he almost lost his temper. - -"We'll go and ask the subaltern!" - -Henriot was coming towards us just having left an officers' -confabulation. - -"Well?" - -"Ah!" he exclaimed, raising his cap, "our success is even more complete -than we had hoped!" - -"Hm!" - -Guillaumin smacked me on the back. - -Descroix and Humel, and all that lot, joined us again. - -"I've got some details," Henriot announced breathlessly. "Here...." - -His recital only confirmed the version I had had from Dagomert. After -a partial repulse, after allowing the Germans to cross the Othain, and -the Loison, possibly for tactical reasons, we had suddenly taken the -offensive. The enemy had retired in disorder. One regiment had been -completely wiped out by fire.... Henriot quoted the regimental number: - -"The 23rd Württembergers!" - -We had taken some prisoners, and booty, and captured field-and -machine-guns, according to the reports. - -During the hullabaloo which followed, I asked: - -"So things are going alright?" - -Humel sneered. - -"Oh, really, nothing pleases that chap!" - -I continued: - -"It's all very well, but who knows what's happening elsewhere?" - -"And what's happening in Timbuctoo?" - -"Round about Nancy? And in the North?" - -Guillaumin laughed: - -"Dreher will have it that we can't be equally lucky everywhere!" - -Henriot roared with laughter! - -"Oh rot, they're in the soup!" - -The group dispersed. Guillaumin went on talking to the lieutenant. I -stayed with them, without taking part in their conversation. I was -depressed again. Why? Good God, what did I want? I envied the delirious -delight betrayed by every look and word and deed in my companions. I -should have liked to vibrate in communion with those tens of thousands -of men, my brothers by race, who covered the surrounding country; and I -caught a glimpse behind them of the enormous mass, my nation, in whom -the news of our success would have let loose such a frenzy of joy. - -What did I lack to raise me to the desired pitch of excitement? I -appealed to other considerations of an equally exalting nature: the -renewal of our greatness, the virtue of our proud blood. We were -overthrowing the greatest enemy in the world, at the first encounter. -Revenge was a fine thing after all...! The pride of fulfilling this -hope of our fathers. It was thus that I succeeded in fanning myself -into a semblance of enthusiasm. - -My companions left me, eager to walk and talk, to enjoy to the full -this triumph which each of them felt was his own particular property. -Left alone I soon proved that the entirely artificial fervour to which -I had raised myself was subsiding by degrees. The springs of my mind -were stagnant. - -We were certain to start again, and starting again would mean -pushing forward, following them up--Guillaumin had been quite -right--re-entering Lorraine, with flags flying to be saluted as her -liberators. Heavens! Surely that was enough to make a soldier's -heart beat high. What would have been my father's and my brother's -exaltation! To think that I was not a whit moved by it. I stripped the -exploits to come of their prestige. What awaited us was simply new -fatigues and torturing privations. - -And I was terrified above all else, far above all else, by the spectre -of the future battles. Could one risk one's life twice with impunity! -I had escaped the first time by a miracle. Let me profit by it! I had -been wrested from repose and security. Had I not already drawn from -this campaign more than the benefit anticipated! I had my share of -memories which would last me all my life. I had ascertained that I, -even I, was capable of a kind of heroism. What a gain! And a boon that -was more precious still, I had regained consciousness of the ties which -bound me to a small number of human beings. I longed to be with them -again. I would bring them a man infinitely more worthy of them. I had -two cards in my pocket. A third had gone to a girl.... Would that one -ever reach its destination? Would it be answered ... soon? - -Lulled by these dreams, I discovered in them an excuse for the -drowsiness which enfolded me. What I experienced was only human. Why -a Roman rigour? If I did not burn to risk everything blindly in an -adventure of regeneration, if I let myself be touched by the idea of a -calm life spent among companions of my choice, if, in order that such a -desire might be fulfilled, I caught myself wishing for a cessation of -hostilities, an armistice, or an "honourable" peace of some kind, good -God, was it anything to be ashamed of? What right had all the great -sentiments in the world to suppress my humble wish to be happy? - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -EN ROUTE AGAIN - - -Some time passed by. A distant fusillade crackled for a moment. The big -guns boomed for an hour, and then were silent. It was becoming doubtful -whether we should go on that day. Henriot got impatient. The men asked -for nothing better than to start again. When once the rations had been -issued and the cooks had dished up a hot meal, we could manage. - -There was some question of a party of us being told off to bury the -dead. I dreaded lest this fatigue should fall to us; I foresaw how -horrible it would be. We luckily escaped it. An unexpected order came -for the battalion to move on. - -I noticed that we were going northwards, in the direction of the enemy. -We were preceded by patrol parties, and reconnoitring cavalry covered -us. - -The march was not marked by any notable incident. I remembered that we -passed through a big village which had been occupied up till the night -before by the enemy. One would have liked to stop there, to question -the inhabitants whom we were delivering from this nightmare, and make -friends with them.... But where were they? There was nobody but old -women to be seen, and on their waxen faces I thought I made out a -strange resentful expression. Why resentful? Because their village had -been abandoned, and left if only for a few hours to the mercy of the -invaders, who had taken the healthy men with them when they left, and -had said: "We shall come back, but next time we shall not leave one -stone upon another." - -We got hot, marching. I was possessed by the thought of poor De Valpic -dying of thirst. I ended by going to find him, and offering to share -what was left in my water-bottle with him. He refused to accept it, and -I had to force it on him, but this scene which was repeated twice a day -bored me. - -Bouillon noticed my annoyance and realised the reason for it. He hailed -the cyclist, a man named Ducostal, and gave him to understand that my -water-bottle leaked. - -"Try to get hold of one for the sergeant! Enough poor lads have been -knocked out with them!" - -"Righto!" said the other. "I'm just taking a stroll across to the field -ambulance." - -Just on the chance I begged him to ask for news of Sergeant Frémont of -the 22nd, down there. - -He went off. I felt certain that he would forget both commissions. - -During the long halt in a field by the roadside, some troops came into -sight. We went to have a look, because it was a regiment of regulars, -which had been heavily engaged, we knew, during the last few days. - -We were at once struck by the gait of these men. They were advancing -very slowly and seemed to have to make an effort to raise their legs -at each step they took. They halted. When arms had been piled many of -them did not even take the time to undo their packs, but let themselves -fall where they stood. Several of them went to sleep instantly. - -They were worn out. Three days' fighting without a pause and three -nights.... The terrible nervous armed multitude, not a gesture, not -a cry of joy in honour of this victory which they had won. Not to -speak of the uniforms stained with mud and dust, and some in rags. The -terrible part was these dull, ravaged faces, with their scared and -dazed expressions. - -I went down their line in silence. What gaps there were in these ranks! -In one platoon there were only fifteen men left. A fair-haired corporal -on the ground was trying to get to sleep, but the flies persecuted him. -I chased them away. - -"Thanks," he said. - -I knelt down and asked him: - -"How have you got on?" - -He turned a dull eye on me, and answered in a broken voice, interrupted -by dismaying silences: - -"We're done.... Ever since the other morning--what day is it?... we -have done nothing but fire ... and be fired at. At night too.... They -kept us on the hop ... with their whizz-bangs and bombs.... Without -rot, there were times ... when we envied those who fell, because they -could at least pause for a while.... Look here, yesterday evening when -the rations arrived ... well ... no one had the strength ... to put the -stuff into their mouths. They had to send some dragoons ... up ... from -the rear ... to feed us ... we would rather have gone under." - -I left him. I understood now why the conquerors do not usually take -full advantage of their victory. And I thought that to-morrow it would -perhaps be our turn to go through it all. - -We had just started off again when Ducostal turned up. He handed me a -new water-bottle: - -"Here you are, Sergeant!" - -"Thanks. You're a ripper!" - -"Do you know, nobody knew your pal," he continued. "I was sent from -pillar to post. Then at last I had the luck to come across the bloke -who picked him up. He's not dead, but it'll be a near thing if he pulls -through. Got a ball through the lungs." - -"Oh, I hope to goodness he'll recover!" I said out loud. - -I had fumbled with my purse in my pocket, and slipped a piece of silver -into the man's hand. He looked at it, and then gave it back. - -"No, Sergeant, we're not out to make at this game. You stick to it." - -"And then," he added, "do you remember one morning when you were -sergeant of the guard you didn't report me missing?" - -The incident occurred to me. So he was the fellow who had turned up -one morning, after a day's leave, and implored me to mark him down as -having come back at midnight. - -"Oh, so you haven't forgotten that?" - -"Rather not. We don't forget the sahibs, any more than we forget the -wasters." - -I was decidedly in a fair way to becoming popular. - -At the next halt, I went to find De Valpic: - -"Look here, old chap, do you see what I've managed to get hold of for -you?" - -I held up the new water-bottle. - -"And what about you?" - -I tapped my own. - -"I've got mine, but it worried me to see you without one...." - -While I was helping him to adjust it, and to unbutton his -shoulder-straps, he tried to say something to me: - -"Dreher ..." he began twice. - -I interrupted him. I was unusually good-humoured, and gaily told him of -my experience with Judsi the day before. I added: - -"You have to know how to tackle these chaps." - -I asked him if he had seen that wretched regiment. - -In this way I managed to fill up the two minutes' halt. - -"_Au revoir_, old fellow!" - -When I left him I whistled, and felt tremendously cheery. I believe I -deluded myself into thinking that I had played the Good Samaritan. - -The day's march was lengthening. Henriot was anxious about the -direction we were taking. - -"Where are they taking us to?" - -We were bearing distinctly westwards. Guillaumin suddenly came up to me -and pointed out that our company had been detached from the rest and -was marching alone. - -Were they going to make us take outpost duty? There was no further -doubt about it when our platoon went on alone, leaving the rest of the -22nd as supports in a farm. The lieutenant had his instructions; he -sent out scouts and made us advance trailing arms. - -In about ten minutes when we had just entered the woods, he said: - -"Here we are!" - -An important crossroads. The site was well chosen. - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY - - -I pass over the arrangements of our pickets. Each one of us knew his -duties, and acquitted himself conscientiously in his part. Henriot made -a thorough reconnaissance. When he came back he showed me a plan which -he had picked up. - -"By way of practice, do you see? Our maps only go as far as the Rhine!" - -At dusk, a lukewarm meal was brought to us from the supports. - -The gloom grew more intense. Our vigil was beginning. - -We established ourselves in a clearing about twenty yards from the -road. The stumps of some trees which had been cut down were utilised as -seats, a lot of us sat cross-legged, either on the ground, or on little -tufts of brushwood, which were a poor protection against the damp. No -fire, of course. By the flickering light of two dim section-lanterns -placed on the ground we could make out the carpet of trampled grasses, -and a big black circle, the remains of a log fire. - -What a night that was. During the first few hours Guillaumin and -Henriot never ceased chattering below their breath. I wondered that -their fatigue had not more hold over them. I only half listened to -their conversation which still concerned our victorious march, and the -demoralised enemy flying before the sword. Speed, they declared, speed -must come before everything else. We must fall upon the Bosches in the -rear before they had time to recover themselves. - -The first excitement occurred towards ten o'clock, a shot in the -distance, on our left. Everyone leapt to his feet. Another, and still -another.... There was no doubt about it; the sentries' orders had been -so explicit; there was to be no firing except in case of danger or -surprise. No. 3 picket, next to us, had surely been attacked. Henriot, -much agitated, repeated the instructions: at a given signal, we were to -extend and fall back on the support.... - -"It was not our business to put up a fight...." - -The surprising thing was that the firing was dying down. We remained on -the alert, and it was not ten minutes before new shots rang out, on our -right this time, at No. 1 picket. - -"They're crazy!" - -Henriot fumed. - -"The lunatics! Now our whole line of outposts will be marked!" - -He was proud that our lot had kept their heads. But it was somewhat -previous. A shot burst out in the wood, a hundred yards away, then a -second: three, four, six. We saw a man rush up stammering distractedly: -"Someone had come up, he had challenged them, they had not stopped, his -comrades had been carried off...." - -Not very encouraging! However, eight or ten volunteers offered to go -and see what the matter was. On the way whom should we meet but the -comrade in question, who was on the lookout and slightly uneasy, but -made great fun of his companion, who had apparently fired at some -shadows. Henriot was annoyed and inclined to be hard on him. Lamalou -went to him. - -"Blackguard 'im if yer like, sir, but don't 'ave 'im punished. It's -always the same story o' nights just at fust, you sees and 'ears -things!" - -He spoke from his experience in the African bush. Henriot calmed down, -and agreed that the sentinels were too far from the reserve picket; the -arrangement of them was altered. - -This continued all night ... shots, quite near at hand or some far -away, marking out the zone which was being patrolled. We soon got -accustomed to it. At the end of two hours no one worried about it any -longer, indeed not enough. - -An overpowering desire to sleep began to take possession of us. Over -and over again I almost gave way. My head nodded, my eyelids closed. -Then Guillaumin gave me a shake. - -"Halloa, there, don't leave us in the lurch!" - -Henriot rubbed it in! - -"Remember we are responsible for the security of the whole army." - -There was no gainsaying the fact that he behaved in the most -praiseworthy fashion, sparing himself no pains. He was always to be -seen on his feet, going to shake up the men who were reeling with -weariness. Towards midnight, the critical time, he suddenly proposed -that we should play games. I thought at first that he was joking. But -no, he had undertaken to keep us awake at all costs. He must treat -the children in his school in the same way. Childish occupation kept -us amused for a long while. The greatest success was the game of Old -Mother Perlimpin Pin which soon had to be stopped as the laughter was -becoming so uproarious. - -Towards two o'clock in the morning a thunder shower came on. We were -soon soaked to the skin. - -"In ordinary life," joked Guillaumin, "we should have kicked the bucket -after a night like this." - -I offered to go the rounds with the object of keeping myself awake. - -The first sentry challenged me at a good distance. It was Judsi. He was -calmly smoking a cigarette. - -"Smoking's not allowed, Judsi." - -"Pooh. It's a bit o' coompany. That won't stop a chap keepin' 'is eyes -skinned." - -But directly I had pointed out that the point of light might betray his -presence at a distance, he gave way: - -"That's true enough, that is." - -He instantly threw his cigarette away in the damp grass. - -I wanted to try an experiment on the next sentry-group and continued to -advance after the order to "Halt!" Very well! I saw my two fine fellows -both order arms again. - -"Well, what are you up to? This is a nice state of affairs." I -reproached them. - -"We recognised you, Sergeant!" - -"That doesn't matter, you ought to have made me halt." - -"But as we recognised you!" - -It was impossible to get them to alter their opinion. As for the last -two sentries, they simply "about-turned" on the spot; that is to say, -that at the first suspicious sound they fired on the picket. - -I saw how unhinged and overwrought they were, and had pity on them. I -ended by promising to say nothing about it to the subaltern. - -I found the latter on his knees. He had spread out his map, which was -beginning to get torn, and was saying to Guillaumin that we should do -no more than screen Metz; the chief thing was to push straight on to -Mayence, the key to the whole of the Rhine district. - -The rain stopped, and some time passed. Towards four o'clock Henriot -shyly suggested: - -"Would it bore you frightfully to go out with a patrol party?" - -"On the contrary!" - -The idea appealed to me. By gad, I was not sorry to be able to stretch -my legs. I chose four men. Bouillon who had just been on outpost duty -absolutely insisted on being one of them. He was not going to let me go -alone. He was certainly a good chap! - -We plunged into the darkness. Hardly had we gone a hundred yards before -it seemed as if we were a hundred miles away from the picket and its -protection. We were in the middle of the forest, the gloom was intense. -Silent raindrops dripped on to our shoulders and caps from the foliage -above our heads. My companions followed in my footsteps. I was not only -ahead of this patrol, but ahead of the whole army, a daring explorer -sent out towards the enemy, who was perhaps lying in ambush. I often -stood still and silently gazed into the darkness. I had told my men to -regulate their movements by mine, but we were almost invisible to each -other. Sometimes I distinguished ... that noise of muffled marching ... -didn't it come from in front? Or again when I heard some branch crack -in the under-wood, my heart thumped unevenly; I caught my breath; I -thought I made out forms, phantoms crouching, yonder ... ready to hurl -themselves.... How agonising it was! - -How much more courage I had need of than when under fire. I regretted -yesterday's danger in comparison. I opened my mouth to shout, "Everyone -for himself!" My trembling knees wanted to fly. But here, as on the -day before, what urged me on against my will was the presence of the -men who saw in me their leader. The consciousness of my rôle, of my -authority which must be kept up, seized me by the collar. I had to go -on, and I went on. I got safely past the place where I had feared the -ambush. For a moment I was delighted to have surmounted this terror, -delighted even to have experienced it. What a chapter it added to my -campaign impressions! What a joy it would be one day to recall these -deadly terrors, if only I escaped them. - -It was an interminable journey. The subaltern had told me to follow the -road up to the edge of the wood. Having arrived there I was to take a -certain road whence I should get excellent views over a large stretch -of country. - -We continued to advance. Our shoes squelched in the soft loam, and got -covered with lumps of mud. We were splashed at each puddle. Our feet -were soaked, our hands, pinched with cold, clutched convulsively at our -rifles. - -It was nearly forty minutes since we had left the clearing. From time -to time a shot on our left reassured us; a sentry group was on the -lookout there. I was still watching for the road which ought to turn -off on our right. The forest just lately had given place to a bushy -thicket. The sky was already paling, and in the clear transparency I -saw the beginning of a bridle-path. What a relief! All we had to do now -was to skirt the hostile zone, instead of continuing to penetrate into -it, more terrified at each step. - -The path climbed the side of the hill. We occasionally caught a glimpse -of a misty expanse. Farther on, the view opened out, and we lay down -flat on our faces, our elbows resting on the dewy grass of a hillock. - -The sky tone was neutral. The chief features in the landscape were lent -precision by the coming dawn. At our feet pearl-grey meadows sloped -gently down to a highway bordered with trees, which might be followed -northwards for miles, running in a straight line between two rounded -hills. On the left there was a bizarre eminence, abrupt and bald; on -the right two steeples, one of which rose at a short distance away -behind a stretch of colourless heath. A mist hung about, dimming the -surfaces and blurring the outlines. Another gloomy day in the making. - -"See anything, Bouillon?" - -"Never a Bosche!" he declared. - -Our glance probed each particle of ground. There was nothing -suspicious, in the plain, or on the roads, which looked like huge -ribbons. The enemy appeared to have melted away. Our field of view -increased, the shadows were dispersing, and the horizon seemed to -recoil. Still nothing to be seen. - -"They must 'ave 'ad a scare." - -Our mission was apparently at an end. It was up to the aeroplanes to -take observations of the enemy's new positions. One of the war-birds -happened to be flying over yonder at that moment, but we were -undeceived when it approached, and we recognised a Taube. - -"Let's be getting back!" - -"Say, Sergeant, the country's not so dusty!" - -Touched and curious, did we foresee the miracle with which daybreak was -to endow us? - -Here was the luminous veil of the aërial vault above us being rent and -scattered. Shreds of the more transparent vapours still floated in the -air, but the depths had ceased to look so uniformly dust-coloured. -It was not long before cracks and then fissures and then chasms were -hollowed in the clouds, and the liquid blue shone out between them -bathed in a diaphanous radiance. The true sky smiled at last. The -fleecy clouds dispersed and vanished, a few of them lingered in the -form of scarfs, so attenuated that they looked like modest nebulas. The -scintillation of the stars pierced through them. They would only shine -for a moment and then pale in the growing daylight, but it was enough -that they had reminded the mortals, saddened by the opaque and misty -night, of their existence. - -The whole of spring glowed resplendent in this summer dawn. Newly -awakened chaffinches chirruped and chased each other at the edge of -the wood. The luscious green countryside, a sight to gladden the eyes, -exhaled the fragrance of recent harvest mingled with the resinous -perfume of the firs and larches sown among the beeches round about us. -Now the entire firmament was clear and serene, suggested in fluctuating -colouring which changed by harmonious gradations from a mauve -verging on violet, in which the western sky was bathed, to the pale -phosphorescence, which, on the opposite horizon heralded the approach -of Apollo. On that side the mists accumulated in the recesses of the -valleys, evaporated more quickly, and rose up impalpable, the incense -of the earth. Unsuspected ridges appeared. Through an opening between -the two crests my wandering gaze could glide towards a blue distance, -infinite as the ocean. - -A plain, a different region, seemed to open out down there. It occurred -to me that the Woevre might lie in that direction. Yes, we must have -reached the confines of the valley of the Meuse. Yonder my brother -had fallen. I made a vague attempt to recall my sorrow and rancour, -to connect my present mission with that of the army and my nation. -My consciousness repelled these fierce imaginings. Taking a deep -breath I inhaled the woodland scents. I chewed a stalk of grass, and -dangled a corn-flower picked on the other side of the slope. I naïvely -congratulated myself on being present, in the womb of nature, at the -birth of each dawn, with which I, as a civilised being, had rejoiced my -eyes too seldom. - -The sun rose. A ray of gold touched us, appearing from the bottom of -the disk. The outline of the orb was barely discernible, hidden by the -triangular shadow of some peak or other, reared at an immense distance, -which stood out in relief against the luminous segment. The planet as -it rose hesitated for some time before adopting a shape. It stretched -itself out, and capriciously widened then lengthened itself, a dark red -mass upon which it was still possible for the naked eye to gaze. - -I wondered vaguely where I had lately delighted in a similar vision? - -The ball grew more condensed and, ceasing its frolics on the orange -line of the horizon, rose rapidly, armed with a blinding brilliance. -Then--sparkling reminder--a sickle-shaped streak began to glitter on -the ground below: some pond.... A flight of memories was instantly -loosed, and soared in me, and then subsided, eddying. My heart leapt -at the vivid recollection. It was the Suchet morning; we had seen the -sun rise from the snowy Alps, equally distended and tortuous, until the -instant, when full blown, it had reflected its disk in the waters of -Neufchâtel.... - -Good God! How short a time ago it was. It was only three weeks since -we had dallied happy in our youth. My memory caressed each detail -of that excursion, the first glimpse we had had of the abyss in -whose depths there had shone, like ships' lights, the lights of the -Canton-de-Vaud--and our wait for the miracle's accomplishment in the -icy atmosphere of the mountain top. In order to warm ourselves we had -laughingly thrown pebbles down the slope in an endless avalanche.... - -As I lingered dreamily over this resurrection the pictures faded away -of themselves. One alone persisted, infinitely sweet. I mentally -breathed the name. Seated on a rock which jutted out on a level with -the ground, breathing in deep breaths of the scented air of the -hilltops, turned towards the rising sun, it was yours, Jeannine, my -friend.... - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -GOOD COMRADES - - -We expected to be picked up by the battalion that same morning, to -continue the march. Nothing came of it. We were simply relieved about -two o'clock by the 2nd platoon. - -Annoyance on the part of Henriot. He questioned Lieutenant Delafosse -who succeeded him. The latter knew nothing about it, nothing at all! He -was yawning. He noted the sentry's orders with a bored expression. - -We rejoined the rest of the company at the farm where they remained in -support of the outposts. For the first time in four days I was able to -indulge in a wash and a change of linen. The joy of it. Bouillon rolled -my things up into a parcel and carried them off. He was left busy all -the afternoon washing, cleaning, and brushing them, while I slept on -the straw. - -When I woke Guillaumin announced: - -"I say, we're going a bust this evening!" - -He and Breton had been to "get round" the farmer's wife, who for a -comparatively moderate sum had consented to hand over a couple of fine -rabbits. - -"How many of us will there be for them?" - -"Eight.... No; nine, with the sergeant-major." - -Oh "that lot" was going to join us? Yes, Guillaumin, who bore no -grudge, had invited them. He explained that we would go shares; it -would come cheaper like that! - -"Haven't I done right?" - -I gave my approval. I liked to think it might be the beginning of a -renewal of cordiality. - -Guillaumin had introduced Gaufrèteaux to the farmeress, who having -quickly known him for what he was, a real virtuoso of the frying-pan -and casserole, had given him a free hand. She had no reason to repent -it, as she was invited to join us and share the feast. Rabbit _à la -Bordelaise_, a _croûte aux champignons_, and ham _à la Provençale_ -reminded her of the cheer at her sister's wedding. - -Playoust had persuaded her to bring out some wine. It was pronounced -excellent. Much flattered, she announced her intention of giving it to -us free of charge. We cheered her. We touched glasses again and again, -and drank to the health of her boy, who had left on the third day of -mobilisation to join her father, one of the heroes of the year '70, in -the Zouaves. I am not sure that we did not drink to the health of her -deceased husband. - -The wag of the evening was Playoust. There was no denying that the -fellow was really funny when he liked. He hummed and sang and imitated -the calls of animals. And between times he got Hourcade to take some -powdered chalk thinking it was castor sugar, and an egg, taken from a -setting hen, in an egg cup (the chicken was in it!). - -I forget how it was that he came to jeer, in pretty strong terms -too, at Henriot. Humel immediately backed him up; the battalion -sergeant-major, who had drunk rather more than was wise, let him have -his say, and winked, and even went as far as to put in a word himself. -The poor lieutenant was laughed at for his strategical pretensions, in -a really unkind manner. I was surprised. I should have thought that -he would have found grace at the hands of these fellows for whom he -was always doing good turns. Oh, ah! Grace! Playoust went off on a new -tack, and talked of his behaviour under fire. It was grotesque. Beat -everything! He had let his platoon go hang, had chucked himself into a -hole, and left the others to get along as best they could. - -He raised howls of laughter, and by Jove, I joined in. There was some -truth in what he said after all. Guillaumin alone protested vigorously -and courageously but unfortunately he embarked upon a verbose -vindication which tended to prove that true courage consists precisely -in being afraid.... - -"Listen to the staff-officer!" - -He was hooted and pelted with bread pellets, and finally reduced to -silence. Dessert time. The bottles went on circulating. The wine had -gone to my head. I hazarded a few facile pleasantries, which were -greeted with roars of laughter, which spurred my malice on to further -efforts. I set myself to rival Playoust's buffoonery. He gained a -momentary advantage by imitating the various phases of a pig fight. We -had to go to the help of the farmeress who was choking with laughter. -Then I played the ventriloquist, one of my parlour tricks. I gave a -three-part scene. Our hostess again grew hysterical, and a dish was -broken. - -I felt occasional twinges of remorse in the midst of all this folly. -All this gaiety the day after a cruel loss!... But what did it -matter? Had I not mourned my brother as he would have liked to be -mourned? This death already seemed such an old story.... And lastly I -privately thought that I had acquired a sort of right to give proof -of a versatile disposition ... violent and fleeting feelings, tears -yesterday, and joy to-day. Was it not the prerogative of soldiers and -children? - - * * * * * - -We spent several days at this farm. Every evening when we went to -sleep, we expected to have to turn out and start off in the middle of -the night. Henriot was eaten up with impatience, and repeated: - -"It's madness not to profit by our advantage! We ought to be near -Trèves by now!" - -He calmed down at last. The captain had laughed at him, and reminded -him of endless circumstances in military history, where prudence had -dictated an identical line of conduct, which was to recover oneself -before entering upon a new enterprise. - -Besides that there was a complete lack of any news: not a word of -the development of the action in Alsace-Lorraine. We only had the -impression of a general movement of our armies towards the Belgian -frontier. A big blow would be struck in the North! From time to time I -amused myself by goading Guillaumin. How were we getting on over there, -I wondered. - -He no longer took me seriously, or else retorted: - -"My dear chap, we only have to hold out for three weeks. The Russians -will be coming along now!" - -Again one might have thought we were at manoeuvres. The spirit of -the men was extraordinary. The fight the other day, the wounded and -dead--all that was forgotten, or rather it was taken as a basis for -fearing nothing from the future. They took a delight in repeating that -the worst was over. Artillery, machine-guns, and rifles had all talked -at the same time. The Bosches could not invent anything worse. - -I have said that I was on good terms now with the _poilus_ in my -section, but I was not intimate with them yet. I made a few tentative -advances. I asked one or two of them about their family, or their home -life. They answered me politely, but did not expand. I had the feeling -that I embarrassed, almost disquieted, them; so I soon stopped. There -was no need to bother myself. - -The most complete idleness reigned. The battalion sergeant-major -no longer multiplied parades. He, Ravelli, had changed in the most -extraordinary way since he had been under fire. He took no interest -in anything and left his men to themselves. He may have heard--it was -Breton who insinuated it--French bullets whistling past his ears! - -The Lamalou-Judsi lot organised fishing parties at a pond close to the -farm. No notice was taken for the first two days; on the third day -they brought back a cartload of fish, having been inspired with the -brilliant idea of stretching a net from one side to the other. They had -cleared everything. The farmeress protested that the pond belonged to -her. The captain lost his temper and threatened the beggars with Court -Martial. They did not haul down their colours. Things were getting -serious. Lamalou clenched his fist. - -"I've been through the Court Martial once before now, I 'ave. I'll tell -'em it's a bit rough on a chap wot's going to get knocked on the 'ead." - -I privately agreed with him. Playoust secretly encouraged him, just to -see what would happen. As for Guillaumin, he took the defaulters apart, -and reasoned with them. I don't know what he preached or promised, but -the fact was that he appeased them. He went off to see the captain and -disarmed him too. The matter went no further. - -But that evening at mess he gave Playoust a bit of his mind. The -latter, surrounded by his faithful satellites, answered back and had -the last word. - -I had kept out of it. It was my turn next morning. I found the whole -lot collected round the well, disputing violently. - -"What's up?" I asked. - -Descroix shouted: - -"Did you ever hear such a thing! This'll be the third day that the -company has taken outpost duty." - -No. 1 platoon had just been told that it was their turn to supply No. 2 -picket. They had been congratulating themselves upon getting out of it. -Hence their rage! - -"Always the same lot to fork out." - -Playoust headed them: - -"It's disgustin' that's wot it is. There's the bally 21st there doin' -nothing. Wy can't they send them?" - -I ventured to remark: - -"You've not been overdone so far." - -I laughed. - -"Outpost duty has its interesting moments." - -They fell upon me, and in such a tone! - -"Oh, Dreher ... on other people's worries...!" - -I retorted. There was a sudden torrent of bitter words, of almost -injurious reproaches. Yes, yes, they had seen me at it! Then they -brought up their eternal grievances at F----. Descroix accused me of -toadying to the lieutenant. - -Oh! I turned on my heel. I was stupefied, sickened at this persistent -animosity after our brotherly agape, the other day. What paltry minds -they had! - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -DE VALPIC - - -I had not seen much of De Valpic during the last few days. Our platoons -had relieved each other, and his presence always weighed on me a little -like a vague remorse. - -That afternoon I found him lying, with closed eyes, in the shed I had -gone into, meaning to take a nap. He raised his eyelids: - -"Halloa!" - -I had to go up to him, and asked him: - -"Not so bad the other night, was it?" - -"For me it was." - -I joked. - -"For you particularly?" - -"Yes, I've got a cold already." - -He coughed. - -"Pooh!" I said rather abruptly. "As long as you've nothing worse than -that the matter with you." - -I suddenly thought of him as a soft flabby creature, this tall fellow -brought up by women. I think he guessed my thoughts. - -"If only I had not got such a high temperature!" he said. - -I shrugged my shoulders. - -"High temperature! Who said you'd got a high temperature?" - -I stretched myself on the straw, without much desire to continue -conversation. He seemed to be searching in his pocket. I saw a sort of -metallic tube between his fingers, which he unscrewed; then holding the -thing out to me, said: - -"Here you are, just look at this will you?" - -He explained: - -"It's a mouth thermometer. I always carry it on me." - -"What an idea!" - -I did not know that the instrument existed in this form. The graduated -glass tube only measured a few centimetres. I mechanically turned it -round and round until I saw the little column of mercury shining. - -"102.2°!" I exclaimed. "Is that your temperature?" - -"Yes." - -"You ought to take some ... quinine." - -He shook his head. - -"You see ... it's the same nearly every day." - -I did not understand. - -"What?" - -"I'm ill," he murmured. "It's rotten, oh heavens, how rotten it is!" - -I looked at him interrogatively. Turned towards me he unburdened -himself of his secret, in a broken voice. It was months, years now -since he had been well. Last spring his mother--"Maman" he said (the -word moved me and made me dream of mine)--his mother had implored him -to consult a doctor.... He had resisted a long time afraid to hear -that he was ill.... How alarming it had been when the doctor, after -sounding him, had knitted his eyebrows and told him he must be careful. -It was not so very long since his father, a few months after a warning -of this kind, had been taken from them. - -While he talked I seized the opportunity of watching him unobserved. -Now that my eyes were opened I immediately became aware of the -well-known signs: this narrow, hollow chest, the sallow complexion, the -pink patches on the cheek-bones, down to the tapering fingers. - -"I realised that I could not take any risks and I wanted to live.... I -wanted to. Two days later Mother and I took the train to Switzerland. -Do you know Château d'Oex?" - -I made a sign of assent. - -"I stayed there for four months, April to July, resting on a long chair -in the sun." - -"Did you get better?" - -"Much better, yes. No perspiring at night. I put on weight, and at the -same time my temperature, oh! the thermometer, you know, is the surest -sign of all! I had seen my father, getting so terribly feverish every -afternoon! As for me, when I saw that it already rose quite easily to -101.1°, 101.3° I had not the slightest doubt about it. Well, I repeat, -everything was improving. They told me that if I continued to take -great care all the winter...." - -He paused for a few seconds: - -"But on the 2nd of August, you see ... I had to leave." - -"What did your mother say to it?" - -He avoided that subject, but from a chance word he let slip I guessed -the anguish and the resistance of his people--the sustained struggle. - -"You ought to have got discharged!" - -"How could I at such a moment! And then...." - -His voice was muffled: - -"Our family have always fought well!" - -I silently evoked the De Valpics whose names shine in our annals: the -Lord High Constable, the Admiral.... - -"I hoped it would turn out all right. At F---- I managed fairly well; I -kept watch, you see, with my little thermometer!" - -"And now?" - -"Ah, now! I've caught cold again. I was told: 'Whatever you do, don't -get cold.'" - -He coughed, and said very softly: - -"This morning I spat some blood." - -With a touching gesture he sought my hand and squeezed it. - -"Dreher, I tell you all that because you've been good to me. Yes, yes, -I shall never forget it. The other day you didn't let me thank you. -Dreher, will you believe that ... I'm your friend?" - -Not wishing to show how much touched I was, I continued in a decided -tone: - -"In the state you are in, old fellow, you have no alternative but to -get discharged." - -He shook his head. I insisted. I pleaded the cause of reason. He had -been courageous, more than courageous, heroic. That was enough. He -would only aggravate the harm, by going on! And what use could he be? -I pretended to be convinced--the idea was not at all a startling one -at that time--that the war was drawing to a close. A few weeks more, -one or two more successes, and there would be nothing astonishing in -talking about peace. - -I displayed real warmth. I felt a growing sympathy and admiration -for him, and his superb moral energy. And he was no superhuman hero. -How near to us that sign of weakness brought him--that thermometer -consulted each hour on the progress of his illness! - -My pleading seemed to have shaken his resolution, but his eyes were -lowered. - -"Dreher, tell me candidly. You're a good soldier--what would you do in -my place?" - -I a good soldier! The irony of it! Was I fated to wear this halo? I -who, I swear, would not have hesitated to make use of the slightest -pretext for adjournment! I had to assure De Valpic that I might have -acted like he had.... Yes, at the beginning I should have left in a -burst of generosity. But, at this point I should realise the folly of -persisting in it. - -He was silent, and looked serious, his gaze fixed on the ground, his -fingers twisting some pieces of straw. - -"You must think that I set great store by my skin," he said. - -He dreaded, with the susceptibility of a proud heart, of having gone -down in my estimation. - -"Oh, rot!" I said. "Who doesn't? And I bet it's chiefly on your -people's account, your mother's...." - -"Poor mother! She had already bought the thank-offering which we were -to take to St. Peter's at Rome next spring." - -Oh! so they were devout believers. An old Roman Catholic family of -course! It was not surprising. - -"And then ..." he continued. - -He reddened. - -"I was engaged to be married, when I fell ill ... and she would not let -me set her free, she was waiting for me...." - -That was all he said. Why did this last confidence stir me more than -all the rest? Why did I get up and put an end to the conversation? - -"Well, my dear chap, that's only an added reason for getting fit again. -It would be stupid to make a mess of your whole future. Look here, I -shall be on duty to-morrow. I'll put you on the sick report, and you -can be off back to your home, with the esteem of every one of us, and -... my friendship." - -I went out, and wandered about round the farm for a long time. I was -moved by a profound pity. I could not shake off the thought of this -poor unfortunate. To have nothing left to learn about his illness, at -his age, which was my age, to go in terror of death, to feel oneself -being drawn towards it!... Then I was moved to pity for myself, for us -all. Were we not all under the shadow of death, faced with tragic ends? -Alas! When life was sweet and smiled on us with her store of fresh -beauties.... - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -DARK HOURS - - -I had persuaded De Valpic to report sick. Then destiny stepped in. We -started again that same night on the stroke of two o'clock. And when -I went up to him during the first halt he begged me to strike his -name off the list. He felt much better. He so much wanted to see the -continuation, to be in at the big victory. - -Guillaumin, who appeared just then, asked if we were far from the -frontier. - -De Valpic enlightened him. Rather not! And judging by the direction we -were taking we should soon be in that part of Lorraine which had been -annexed. - -Good! It would have been maddening to go a long way round. - -We reached Étain, where we had a warm welcome, as the Bosches had not -returned in spite of their boasting. We only went straight through the -town. - -It was a long stage, but we did not get over-tired in this mild -weather. Milestone succeeded milestone. Metz: 43 km. 41, 40, 38.... -Guillaumin was exultant: - -"A mere constitutional, what?" - -And Judsi: - -"We'll be sleepin' in their bloomin' country, to-morrow." - -Some of the men may have believed it. I thought it only right to -moderate the enthusiasm. - -"Oh Metz! We haven't got there yet. The siege is sure to be ghastly!" - -The lieutenant who was passing, chaffed me: - -"Dreher, as pessimistic as usual? He'll never believe we're getting on, -until he's in Berlin." - -We went into quarters at Buxy. Shortly after midnight there was an -alarm. The artillery which we had not heard for some days was talking -again. As old stagers we had missed the noise, it cheered us up. - -But we grumbled when, having been called up and paraded in the Church -Square, we were kept hanging about and freezing for an hour or more. -The men "groused," and wanted to know why they couldn't be left to -sleep in peace. - -A lot of them wanted to "get down to it" again, and we had hard work -to prevent them. A certain number sloped off in the dark. Each platoon -lost a few who never turned up again. - -Suddenly there was an uproar and crush at the other end of the Square. -We had to spread ourselves to keep order. Playoust went to see what was -up, leaving his half-section to take care of itself, with the natural -consequence that it disbanded. He came back, raising his hands, with -awful tales of the whole populace fleeing before the invaders! There -was nothing to be done! This time the Bosches were coming in dense -masses, ravaging and setting fire to everything! - -A group was formed round him. The men listened anxiously. He pulled -a face. Was he rotting, or speaking the truth? We never thought of -interrupting. However someone did take it upon himself. It was De -Valpic, whom no one had counted on. - -"That'll do, Playoust! No tomfoolery!" - -The other was quite taken aback. Guillaumin and I saw the danger, and -went to the rescue, turning his tales to ridicule. He tried to back -out of it. The men were reassured, and began to laugh, and our own -confidence was strengthened by it too. - -Yes, but what were we waiting for here? For orders, always orders! -They were delayed for a good while longer, and when they did arrive, -dumbfounded us! We were to fall back on Étain. - -There was nothing to be done but obey, so we retraced our steps along -the road we had followed so gaily the day before. Dissimulation was -no longer possible. We caught up and mingled with the sad troops of -fugitives. As long as the darkness lasted, we only half-realised what -it meant. But what a ghastly vision of distress the daybreak brought us! - -A dismal procession of women, children, and old men, many of them on -foot, laden with packages and bags, or pulling and pushing wheelbarrows -and hand-carts--the others huddled _pêle-mêle_ in conveyances of all -ages, shapes, and sizes, drawn by oxen, donkeys, and dogs. The whole -populace, as Playoust had said, people hurrying along, elbowing their -way, getting hung up, and delayed. Their heads were hanging, and they -did not answer the stream of questions which burst from our ranks. -Babies' tears, and mothers' sighs. Every other minute a cyclist, or -a staff car cleared a way for itself, tooting and cursing.... And I -remember an old, a very old peasant, perched on a big tilted cart -brandishing his pitch-fork and shouting to us, as he pointed in the -opposite direction: - -"That's where they be, you slackers!" - -I was glad when, by eight o'clock, we had out-distanced the gloomy -horde, by our regular pace. But a long halt on the outskirts of Étain -condemned us to being caught up again by the mournful stream which -flowed all day. - -In the evening we set off again, and once more went through the little -town. How it had changed since the day before! - -Consternation reigned. - -We asked: - -"What's happening?" - -"They are there!" was the reply. - -"There!" One would have thought they meant a hundred yards away! The -inhabitants were turning out. I can see a well-dressed old woman, in -mourning, on the pavement in front of her house, loading a waggon--her -maid was helping her--with a confused medley of furniture, ornaments, -clothes. - -"You needn't be in such a bloomin' hurry, Mother," shouted Judsi; -"can't you see we're here!" - -"You won't stop them," she retorted. - -"Oh, steady on!" - -She raised her voice till it became a shriek: - -"You won't stop them, I tell you! It's just like it was in 1870!" - -She raised her gaunt arm, her piercing voice carried well. - -"Old witch!" growled Guillaumin. - -We passed on, but could hear her apostrophising the platoons and -companies behind us: - -"You won't stop them!" - -Her monotonous imprecation possessed our minds for a long time. - -The night fell, but we marched on and on. What a day's march this was, -too. Having had a meal we managed to hold out. We advanced without -thinking and yet what extraordinary sights we came across. The enormous -column of fugitives was trailing along this roadway too. This time we -were going up-stream, pushing northwards from Étain. - -But what were these soldiers scattered among the heart-breaking band. -The moon was beginning to shine. We caught sight of uniforms, at first -isolated, then in groups--all the troops mixed, and the ranks, too, -apparently.... The strange thing was that it never occurred to us to -ask what they were all doing or where they were going.... A few details -only struck us. Why so many foot-sloggers on horseback? This problem -worried Guillaumin. He sounded me several times. - -"Mounted scouts, do you think?" - -I answered drowsily: - -"Of course!" - -We advanced in silence, mechanically keeping our intervals, our -columns of four. No more peasants, and only an infinitesimal number -of civilians drifted down-stream now. The crowd was swelling though. -Transports and teams followed each other, rolling along, slipping and -sliding. They were all military-limbered waggons, forage waggons, -ambulance waggons, munition waggons, a sutler's van. Battery after -battery--an extraordinary state of confusion. Here were mud-crushers -whipping horses, some of which fell, there hussars on foot, dragging -their worn-out beasts along. - -We passed companies lying in the shade of the ditch, and envied them. -There had been no halt for us for two hours at least. We had just -climbed a hill; I was marching with half-closed eyes. Guillaumin nudged -me: - -"Heavens above!" - -I opened my eyes. A large stretch of country lay before us, a dark -undulating plain enamelled with monstrous glares. - -I turned towards my companion. - -"Villages!" he murmured. - -Burning! That woke us up. We slowed down bewildered. - -Bouillon said: - -"Pore wretches, that's w'y they was doin' a bolt!" - -I counted the fires. Two to the right of the road, one of which seemed -quite near, and had high flames shooting up, which cast a glow all -round. Three to the left, and right in front of us at the axis of our -march, a huge conflagration. - -Spincourt? I had heard that name. - -The guns were growling sullenly. I tried to work, myself up to a -generous pitch of fury. These hamlets in flame, this blood-stained -earth, was my France, my Lorraine! - -But I was like a disconnected electric current. - -We were told to lie down in the ditch where we slept. But not for long. -We were made to get up and retire a little, and lie down again--we -slept once more--then we returned to our first site. We obeyed without -grousing, and this time the rest was more worth having. We dozed until -daybreak. - -The defilade along the white road continued. How many officers and -men, with horror and despair at their hearts, did we meet that August -dawn? Henriot came to find us. He was tortured with suspense at last. -What were all these people doing? We shook our heads, hesitating to -pronounce an opinion. It all passed as in a dream. Silent, preoccupied -phantoms who seemed to be hastening towards some goal.... - -Now, however, some were to be seen whose pace was less rapid, and who -did not detest being looked at--men who had been wounded, only slightly -for the most part--who seemed to be saying, "We have done our bit!" - -A few of us ventured to question them. Oh, what replies we got. A -snare! A shambles! There were too many Huns! Each man claimed to be the -only one left of his battalion or regiment. - -A battalion sergeant-major, hit in the foot, gave us a graphic account. -"The Bosches were coming out of a wood, our 75's loosed off a belt at -them, and made pretty good shooting too. You ought to have seen the -blighters dance! We were under shelter, not far off, enjoying ourselves -enormously. They were blown up and fell in little pieces. Platoon after -platoon cut up. Others followed them, to be met with the same fate. -More still--until at the end of an hour, there was a thick rampart of -dead bodies all along the edge of the wood. But new lots kept on coming -up and crossing the obstacle, others shoving them on from behind. Our -guns were beginning to stop talking--not enough shells. And the grey -swarm slipped through into the plain. Suddenly we were threatened and -attacked and overwhelmed. What could we do? Retire! We ran for our -lives." - -Henriot ground his teeth, and muttered: - -"No, no, not that." - -"You'll soon see!" said the other. - -He saluted, and went on his way limping. - -Other accounts were in a different key. There was often a question of a -defensive taken by us. We advanced, and lay down and fired. Everything -was going well, but then suddenly the hostile machine guns were -unmasked. Ran, ran, ran, ran. The famous crackle went on and on, mowing -our lines down like corn. No use being plucky! What could we do? (That -was the everlasting refrain.) Escape! Never to return again. - -Some badly wounded men appeared supported by three or four comrades -who made use of the excuse to escape. There were very few orderlies -and stretcher-bearers. One heard nothing but complaints, for the most -part unjust, of the army medical corps. Guillaumin undertook to see -a Zouave, who had just come a cropper, to the neighbouring dressing -station. He came back disgusted. A major had grossly insulted him: - -"Oh, go to the devil! Your pal's done for!" - -A certain number, who were dragging themselves along in a sorry state, -found the strength to exhort us, with a melodramatic gesture, to avenge -them. - -Others pitied us: - -"Poor lads. You don't know what it is!" - -"You think not!" retorted Bouguet. "We had a taste of it at Mangiennes!" - -"Pooh!" The others snorted with contempt. "Mangiennes!" Did we think -that counted! - -Some gunners, black with powder, who were squatting in a cart, shook -their fists at the foot-sloggers. The latter, absolutely broken down, -and drunk with rage, returned their invectives. They were just on the -point of pulling out their bayonets. Our company commander, who had -witnessed the scene, seized the most rabid by the collar. His tone and -rank over-awed them. - -An old sergeant, with touches of grey on his temples, followed, holding -his cap in his hand, and repeating in a singsong voice: - -"Stick to your packs, lads!" - -It was broad daylight now. All our _poilus_ were up, taking in every -detail of the show. - -Will you believe that in the end not one of us was seriously -demoralised. Warnings and narratives left us rather sceptical. We -even felt an uncharitable tendency to rag survivors of the furnace. -Their hasty gait, their burlesque accoutrements! Above all each tragic -assurance: "I'm the only one left of the X----," raised storms of -laughter. We had seen dozens and hundreds of bearers of that device -march past! Judsi exclaimed: - -"Don't cry about it, old chap! Your chums are waiting for you in Paris!" - -I believe that at the bottom of our hearts each one of us felt naïvely -convinced that our arrival would put everything right.... - -The realisation that we were witnessing a rout did however penetrate my -consciousness at last, though still only in a vague way. Vaguely too I -dreaded lest our energy should suffer by it. - -I was delighted when we got orders, about six o'clock, to leave the -high road. We went across country for not more than four or five -hundred yards. - -Some trenches dug there appeared before us, as if by chance. - -A French dirigible, the Fleurus, passed high above our heads, and -seemed, I do not quite know why, a happy omen. - - - - -CHAPTER XIX - -SPINCOURT - - -Heaven knows whether we expected to have to charge from the beginning -to the end of that interminable day. The captain and the subaltern -had warned us. The cannonade raged in front of us and all round us. -The German fire was concentrated against a village below us, on our -right. If we were occupying it, what losses it would mean to us! To -begin with we could see each explosion and the resultant crumbling of -the buildings. Towards midday a thick pall of smoke rose and shrouded -everything. - -The fusillade and the machine-guns joined in the concert. Who would -guess what they reminded me of? The mock symphony with which Miquel had -amused at the Globe Café. - -It will be seen that I was far from feeling the same enervation as I -had the other week. I had become a fatalist.... We knew all about being -under fire. We had already been through it. - -I should certainly have been badly bored without Guillaumin's precious -and almost continual society. We began by discussing the situation at -length. He maintained that it was not serious. - -He passed on some of his serenity to me. His eyes shone when he said: - -"And our _poilus_, what!" - -"Admirable!" - -He added: - -"What a fine race they are!" - -I wondered whether he was speaking of the French or the Beaucerons. - -What should he do a little later on, but set about extolling the -treasures lying dormant at the heart of these soldiers. - -"Most of them are married! They nearly all have kids! They never -stop thinking of those who have stayed behind--of their family. That -supports them. It's a case of morale!" - -"Steady on! Don't exaggerate!" - -They were good fellows, the majority, I admitted, and fond of their -families, but the chief point about them was their resignation and -passivity. A worthy herd! - -He insisted. - -"I assure you that they have their own personality and feelings, -and often a very generous share of them. They are certainly no -phrase-makers; it is even very difficult to get them to talk. They -mistrust you and themselves. You would think that they realised that -they would spoil their feelings by trying to express them in their -peasant jargon." - -"Well?" - -"Look how they find a way of writing every or almost every day! Some -of the men in the platoon have asked me to write the addresses, so -that they should be readable. Others, even, to wield the pen while -they dictated the text. Oh, just dull commonplace formulas, but what -a tender longing in them to reassure and cheer. That all declare, -whatever happens, that they are resting, far away from the Bosches, -that everything is going excellently. 'Don't you worry!' is what they -say. What philosophy!" - -"And I'll quote some examples of delicacy; for instance, your Corporal, -Donnadieu, who was hit...." - -I opened my mouth to tell him of the man's trick, a villainy which had -remained unknown. - -"Well," he continued, "I've got a man from his part of the world, from -Neuville. He wrote a letter to the wife, who is just starting a new -baby, to tell her that her husband had been pinked--in case he had not -been able to let her know--but that it was nothing serious, and that he -would keep her informed!" - -Guillaumin now described the arrival of the baggage-master, in the -farmyard the other day (I had missed this scene), and the distribution -of the letters and cards. Some of them had wept. Others hid themselves -to kiss the humble note-paper. - -What a singular state of mind! I considered these men around me lying -about like a lot of animals, their filthy faces, and obtuse foreheads -and dull looks. Bouillon, Gaudéreaux, Judsi, did they dream? Yes.... -Perhaps there were visions of children and wives wandering behind the -brute-like masks! For the first time I was drawn to them by a brotherly -instinct. - -I hazarded: "And yet it must be sad to leave some one behind...." - -That started Guillaumin off; he was in an eloquent mood. He recognised -the agonising character of these wars, which involved in the struggle, -not mercenaries, as in olden days, nor even soldiers by profession, -volunteers free of all ties, but the living substance of the nations, -this youth incapable of breaking the chains of blood and of love at -parting. For each man in danger here, how many alarms there would -be yonder in the hearts of wives and mothers! What reverberation of -despair involved in each agony! - -But also what consolation to feel that one was not fighting uniquely -for pay or for glory, but for the safety of one's country! For what -was one's country but places and people, all that one held dear? -Woman above everything! Woman! All that was contained in that word! -The sublime exchange of encouragement. Betrothed and wives, they all -understood their rôle equally well. This cause was theirs. They had -sobbed at the departure of their loved ones, but most of them had made -no effort to keep them, but had only prayed Heaven to bring them back -victorious. - -He warmed to his subject. I listened, and approved. What a noble -character he was, and what an hour in which to work upon these -thoughts! The din of the battle redoubled. We caught sight of some -wounded not very far away dragging themselves to the high road. -Henriot signed to us. Shells were falling on a little wood less than a -kilometre away from us. We were going to be engaged. I paid homage to a -dear vision within me.... - -Guillaumin cited some examples: Poor little Frémont. He had talked -to him a long time, the day before Mangiennes, about Françoise, his -sweet Françoise. It was to her that he offered all the privation -and weariness, for her sake that he gave proof of such a confident, -charming spirit. And De Valpic! Guillaumin suspected him of holding -out even when ill, in the touching and feverish longing to prove his -valiance to someone.... - -He suddenly lowered his voice: - -"And you, Michel ... whom are you fighting for?" - -My heart melted. How tactfully and ingeniously my friend had led round -to the subject. I burned to reply to this chaste invitation by an -avowal, to confess to him that for me too, toil and suffering were -alleviated ... to tell him a tale of some romance or other with this -girl as heroine. Alas! I restrained myself in time. It would have been -a tale indeed--to lie just at the moment when the need of candour was -devouring me. Could I tell him what there was to tell? Unhappy wretch! -There was nothing! What was there between her and me? Nothing. Good -God, nothing! The pity of it! A holiday friendship, an exchange of -post-cards, that was all.... It was true that for the last few days my -imagination had been indulging in dangerous flights of fancy.... What -an awakening I was preparing for myself. By what right did I think -... that someone else was being inebriated at the same time by a twin -exaltation. It would have needed a miracle and there was nothing to -suggest that! Had my letter arrived? If so would she not have been -astonished, and indeed shocked--not to mention the people with her--at -my having written in a closed envelope? Should I ever receive a reply? - -So I could do nothing but murmur in an offhand tone: - -"Bah! A flirt here and there!" - -I suddenly wondered whether Guillaumin had not asked me, as it often -happens, solely in order to be asked himself. Did he want to open his -heart to me about some secret fondness? At the sight of his ugliness -I thought: "Could any one possibly love him?" But I was annoyed with -myself for this reflection.... - -"And what about you?" I said. - -He smiled, without a trace of sadness or forced merriment. - -"Oh, with a mug like mine! No, there's only one woman with whom I count -for anything, and that's my sister. But for her sake, it would annoy me -to go under!" - -It was the second time that I had heard him allude to his sister. -I questioned him, and he told me she was called Louise, and was -twenty-five years old. They had lived together since their mother's -death. She gave piano lessons. - -"You'll have to get her married," I said. - -He shook his head gently: - -"She is as ugly ... as I am!" - - * * * * * - -Hour after hour went by, without bringing anything worse than our -inaction. We were inclined to become pessimistic. A sinister rumour -spread, at one point--Ought we to believe it?--Yes, Laraque the -connecting file, who had taken refuge with us for a minute, confirmed -the frightful mistake. Our divisional cavalry had ventured outside our -lines, and got into the line of fire from our batteries. A captain in -the observation post had tried distractedly to telephone but just then -the line had been cut and communications interrupted. Pandemonium. -Our batteries had the troopers marked, found their range, and soon -decimated them. They had been seen galloping madly in every direction, -forming into bunches, and ending by flying towards the enemy's -trenches, where they were met by grape-shot. The captain had gone off -his head, the signaller who was responsible had been executed--not that -it undid the damage! - -Laraque left us. We were crushed by his recital. That was a most -gloomy part of the proceedings. The big "coal-boxes" (quite recently -christened) were beginning to pour down on all sides of our line -raising heavy black clouds. A fusillade crackled, a little way off. -Some of our companies were engaged, so they said. Our turn seemed to -have come--we should bring only deadened wills to the impact.... - - * * * * * - -And then suddenly, just as at Mangiennes, the falling dusk took us by -surprise. The call to "Cease fire" went. The extraordinary thing was -that both sides appeared to obey it. The uproar suddenly decreased. - -Laraque passed again bearing better news. First of all--he laughed--the -horrible tale of our cavalry having been annihilated by our 75's ... -well, it had been entirely contradicted! Our guns had fired on the -Uhlans all right, the plain was strewn with their bodies! Then that -village, Houdclancourt, which I have described as having been battered -by the German artillery ever since the morning--an officer who had come -from there had given the exact total of casualties: six wounded, not -one more than that! Pure waste of powder! - -We hastened to pass on the good news to the men. The day ended, on the -whole, on a more favourable note. Our comrades had held out, and we -had not been needed. Nothing to eat? We were accustomed to that ... -the usual thing on evenings after a battle. Lamalou tasted some raw -beetroot, pulled up in a neighbouring field. Everyone was convinced -that we should sleep where we were. But we were to have a surprise. -When it got dark, the order came to abandon the trench, and fall back -on the high road. - -That was a gloomy crossing. All the wounded were gathering on this -side in the hope of getting first-aid. Many of them fell on the way, -some dead, others exhausted, begging for a drink. There were sobs, -and calls of "Mother!" We brushed past these unfortunates, strongly -tempted to stop and help them, but we were forbidden to break ranks! -There was growing indignation, for after all, where in thunder had our -stretcher-bearers got to? - -From the high road, we could see endless dots of light moving about and -crossing each other in the dusk of the plain. The Bosches collecting -their wounded, De Valpic informed me. - -"There's organisation for you!" I said, not without bitterness. - -"Their qualities against our qualities!" - - - - -CHAPTER XX - -THE WAR BEGINS - - -What was to be done with us? We were not left long in doubt.... With -our packs on our backs, we set off. - -Henriot was very much depressed. A cavalry sergeant whom he had -just met had spoken to him of a general falling-back of the troops -supporting us on our right. We immediately formed a salient, likely to -be cut off. - -But Guillaumin joined us. - -"Tommyrot! Why we're just about to surround them on the left." - -He had got the tip from our friend Dagomert, the motor-cyclist. - -The column moved off. We marched all night. - -Nobody was very clear as to what direction we were taking. We were not -moving towards Étain. There was no question of a defeat. We were going -of our own free will. There were regular halts, and comparatively good -order was kept. Everyone was fully convinced that we were carrying -out a wily manoeuvre. We were tickled, in advance, by the idea of -the Bosches' surprise when they saw us appear just where they least -expected us! - -The long halt took place at daybreak, when coffee was distributed. -According to the lieutenant we were in the neighbourhood of Pillon and -Billy, where we had fought the other week. A considerable recoil, no -doubt, but we had left the enemy a long way behind. - -The fact that the division was assembled on this tableland was once -more the signal for troublesome attention from a Taube, which dropped -some bombs, and two star shells without doing any damage. - -De Valpic told me that he feared we might be obliged to fall back on -the Meuse. - -"What makes you think that?" - -"Various things." - -He added: - -"Our object is simply to delay them, I think. The north is where the -game will be lost or won!" - -He had a fit of coughing. Henriot appeared. - -"Would you believe it! The general turned up, and hauled the colonel -over the coals. He declares that we ought not to have left the trenches -we were holding last night!" - -"Oh, rot!" - -"And that we've got to go back!" - -"Nonsense!" - -Yes. When the news got about it called forth anger, cold at first--If -they didn't know what they wanted.... Then the men grew heated. A wave -of rage, and indeed opposition, surged through them. We ourselves did -not quite escape it. - -Luckily, there was a diversion, in the shape of a cart which drove up. -Everyone crowded round. The baggage-master! His horse was foundered. -He had got mail-bags of letters and parcels which he had collected at -Charny, and shouted to us: - -"I've been chasing you for the last three days!" - -Guillaumin took possession of our bundle, and, mounted on a heap of -flints, began the distribution. - -A sea of humans surrounded him, faces stretched forward feverishly, -arms raised tirelessly--De Valpic in the front row between Bouillon and -Humel. - -I had been pushed forward. What did I expect? A line from my father -when he heard the terrible news? Hm! He would hardly have got mine. No. -I expected nothing. One by one the names escaped: Gaudéreaux, Descroix, -Lieutenant Henriot. Comrades answered to a certain number of them. - -"Missing! Killed!" - -Brief words which froze. - -I suddenly felt as if I'd had a blow on the head. - -"Dreher!" shouted Guillaumin, looking round for me. - -Lamalou handed me a letter. My eyes dimmed, my head swam. That -writing.... I freed myself from the crush round me. I fled, half -demented. I pinched, and weighed the envelope. How light and yet how -heavy it was! I just missed charging into the captain who was also -hanging about waiting.... I went twenty, fifty, yards, then threw -myself down in a field, at the foot of an apple-tree. - -My heart was still beating a mad measure, and I could hardly get my -breath. I hesitated for a long time before tearing the thin envelope, -then slowly and cautiously pulled out the double sheet which I fingered -and turned over.... That stamp too.... Yes, yes, I knew it! But I was -impatient to revel in the happy certainty: I flew to the signature. - -Jeannine! Jeannine! I shouted the name aloud in a transport of delight. -Then I hurriedly glanced through the first page.... And instantly I -understood that Happiness was descending upon me.... - -As if afraid of so much joy, I hid myself, so to speak, from my ecstasy -for a few seconds behind such reflections as: "The post hasn't lost -much time!" or "That's what you might call a real letter!" As lovers -at their meetings cloak the emotion of the first moments with trivial -remarks. - -Eight pages! She had written eight pages! I began to read them with -tender deliberation. One long, dear harmonious poem! Each line held a -joy in store for me; at each page I turned I was torn betwixt my regret -at seeing it finished and my rapture that the next was beginning. I -could repeat those sentences to-day without hesitating over a single -syllable. - -She was writing, she said, on the evening of August 16th. She had -just received my letter, and was answering it immediately. She wanted -to be the first to send me a word of consolation in my sorrow. My -sorrow? I did not quite understand. It seemed to me that there was no -reason now for anything but envy. Then I reddened. Had I not told her -of my brother's death, on that card? Ah yes, whether consciously or -unconsciously, I had calculated on arousing her pity, her tenderness, -and I had succeeded. She professed herself overcome with emotion. My -only brother! Why--she reproached me gently--had I spoken of him so -rarely? She could see from the tone of my letter how much I loved -him. It was natural--the only being in the world fashioned after my -likeness, hardly any older than myself, the playmate of my childhood, -the confidant of my adolescence. The same profound and simple reasons -which my rejuvenated heart had suggested to me. I held Victor more -dear, I regretted him more poignantly. I blessed Jeannine for having -guessed my brotherly affection. In my card, I had made some passing -allusion to the two little orphans. Here again her thoughts ran -hand-in-hand with mine; she tactfully confirmed me in the idea of my -duties. - -Oh! with what sublime trust, with what exquisite and ingenuous sympathy -these lines overflowed. This language, so new between us, seemed to me -usual and necessary. Jeannine made some reference to the footing we had -been on at Ballaigues, when the tone of our trifling had merely been -one of playful courtesy. She appeared to apologise for the disguise -adopted then. Now we might see each other face to face. She professed -her friendship for me. She did not hesitate to make use of that word, -so delicious and pure, in which I read another, essentially the same, -but more magnificent illuminating the entire universe! - -I had not a shadow of doubt; she cannot have had either. It was the -letter of a fiancée. What surprised me was that we had delayed so long, -before seeing into our hearts. Ever since my departure, and every day -more surely, was not the vision of this child the only one which at -the approach of danger consoled me with a hope, towards whom, in the -hour of safety, my mirth rose up like incense. This hearth had ceased -long since to smoulder under cinders; powerful and generous, it flung -its ardent flames towards the sky. And had I doubted, Jeannine, lest -my passion should not be reciprocated. Could I not summon up a certain -look of yours, or an inflection of your voice which already bore -witness to the chaste avowal. How fervently your fingers had lingered -in mine at parting. We had been consecrated to each other ever since -that time. The present was less surprising--child of the wondrous -past! I seemed already to have spelt out these pages, upon which I was -feasting, in the course of some dream. Their enchantment, as adored -memories, was doubled for me!... - -The end of the missive breathed a tenderness no less proud or strong. -Jeannine knew through the _communiqués_, of the brilliant affair at -Mangiennes. She guessed that I had taken part in it, that I was not -wounded--(No! My good fortune lent me too great a halo!) - -By some mysterious intuition she ended up by counselling me to bear -the ill-fortune, which might be near at hand, courageously. What did -she know of it? What presentiment had she? I caught a glimpse of the -fate of returning troops, the ruin of our first hopes. Still distant -hypotheses! And then it would have needed greater misfortunes than that -to damp me. I was filled with enthusiasm. Guillaumin had not lied. What -rapture to consecrate myself to thee, to thy defence, my noble France, -incarnate in a young face!... - - * * * * * - -I turned my steps towards my section; I was coming down to earth, -returning to grim reality.... - -What a sight met my eyes! - -The piles of arms had been broken everywhere; yonder, the neighbouring -battalion was dispersing in the greatest disorder; our lot, disbanded -too, were jostling each other on the road. A regular panic! Guillaumin, -bareheaded, and haggard.... - -"I was looking for you!" he shouted. "What do you say to this?" - -"What? What do you mean?" - -"They're firing on us!" - -"Who?" - -Dragging me along, he gasped: - -"I've got your rifle and your things. Come along. Come along!" - -We rushed down. - -"Do you hear?" - -The echoes of explosions. - -"The 'Taube'?" - -"That was the beggar that marked us! But ... they talked of our going -back.... I don't think! They're close on our heels...! Their artillery, -the 'coal boxes'!" - -He pinched my arm till it bled: - -"And we've been flying all night!" - -I buckled on my pack, in a dazed way as we ran along, and took my rifle -from his. Henriot caught us up: - -"They're coming up from the south too. We're surrounded!" - -He was choking. - -Playoust stopped in front of us and chucked down his pack exclaiming: - -"Wot's the use o' goin' on? We're goners!" - -Some of the men followed his example. - -"You thundering lunatic!" I shouted to him. - -Guillaumin shook his fist at him. I shouted: - -"Keep your rifles, lads! The war's beginning in earnest now, when -you've got to fight for your crops and homes, for everything that's -dear to you!" - -Two or three men who had dropped their arms picked them up. We reached -a cross-road. - -Our _poilus_ were grouped round us. - -"Fall in, No. 3 section." - -"Nicely in the soup, we are!" someone exclaimed. - -"Possibly! But we'll get out of it somehow. Where there's a will, -there's a way!" - -They looked at each other blankly. Then Judsi smacked the barrel of his -rifle with a swagger. - -"So the blighters think they're going to give us a doin'? We'll show -'em wot's wot!" - -I could have hugged him! - - - - -PART III - - - - -_BOOK VII_ - -_August 25th-September 2nd_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -IN RETREAT - - -What memories I have of those days of retreat and disaster. Days when -not only Victory, but Hope, also, hid her face! Chance and destiny and -logic were so many forces crushing us. Everything was giving way. We -suffered in every kind of way, from hunger, cold, heat, exhaustion, -moral anguish, lack of news. Virile busy days, when the plan of -salvation germinated in the brain of our leaders, when the work of -redemption was accomplished in silence in the heart of each man and the -nation at large. Days, I should weep not to have spent where I ought, -as I ought!... - - * * * * * - -That afternoon, first of all, which we spent wandering in a forest. -Surrounded? We were not far from it. The men were well aware of -the sentries posted everywhere, and the patrol parties sent out to -investigate in every direction. - -One scene stands out particularly clearly in my memory. Those -staff-officers we passed as I was going with my section to inspect a -certain issue. The general seated on the edge of a slope with his -head between his hands, his subordinates standing motionless a few -steps away, respecting his meditation. A little farther on were the -orderlies, holding their horses by their halters. An hour later as -we were returning, we found them at the same place, and in the same -attitudes, the general with his head still sunk in his hands, his -aides-de-camp silently fixing their eyes on him. - -A petrified tableau. So all these people expected nothing better than -to have to give up their swords. I thought we were done for, but forced -myself to distract the attention of my companions. - -We afterwards learnt that during the twenty-four hours there, we had, -in high places, been looked upon as taken, and coldly struck off the -lists. We owed our escape solely to a company sergeant-major, a native -of that part of the country, who, having made careful inquiries about -the limits of the hostile advance, went, that evening, to find the -general in charge of the division, and offered himself as guide. - -It was our last chance. We followed him. The march lasted for three -hours. Only a small number of us discerned the tragic element floating -about us. The men complained of the absence of halts. The strictest -silence had been imposed upon us, we even had to hold the sheaths of -our bayonets in our hands. At the most dangerous point some palavering -in undertones, and obstreperous horse-play went on, a practical joke. -The Bosches no doubt were tired out; their sentries dead tired! A few -shots cracked on our flanks. We reached Cremilly. That apparently meant -that we were saved. - -For one day! - -That was only the mild beginning of our trials. After a morning's rest -we started again, with a charitable warning that we should have to keep -at it until nightfall. We had to keep at it all night too, and the next -day.... A forced march of thirty hours, the stiffest in the campaign! I -may mention further that we had not slept or had a bite of food since -two days before.... A miracle of human endurance. - -As long as it was light I vaguely noticed the road we covered. The -noise of the firing was growing weaker. We were falling back on the -Meuse, as De Valpic had predicted. - -Back there already! I lamented so much lost territory. This thought -pained me. I looked with the aching heart with which one salutes -abandoned patrimony, at these fields and valleys, these woods, which I -examined with such a cold and detached gaze a few weeks ago. Lorraine -was actually becoming dear to me! I began to realise that each part -of the world has its own particular character.... The tender green -of these pastures which not even the ardour of a torrid summer had -been able to alter! The calm and haughty harmony of this billowing -ground.... I was seized with affection for this pensive and laborious -race by whose property the whole of the French lineage is enriched. The -names recurred to me of authors born in these parts, who wove their -noble blossoms for our literary crown, of painters who had grown up and -erected their easels here, attracted by the enchantment of the mist. -And all that belonged there of our history: Varennes, the flight of -Louis XVI., the romantic episode on the threshold of a troubled and -magnificent epopee!... Valmy, Sedan close at hand! We were, as I have -said, drawing near to the Meuse. Fifteen or twenty miles up-stream lay -Domrémy and Vaucouleurs. Were these hamlets full of sacred memories -destined to crumble within a few days beneath the Teuton howitzers? - -And if we had to retreat still farther! My gaze took in the hills, and -the expanse of pale sky. Fortin's brutal warning recurred to my mind. -"What they needed first was what remained to us of Lorraine, Champagne, -and the Franche-Comté...." - -My heart contracted. I murmured, "No, no!" - - * * * * * - -Hours and hours passed by. The evening fell. There were no halts, or -almost none. The night came down. We went on mechanically, hour after -hour, bowed beneath our packs. No one stayed behind. Guillaumin had -spread the report that the Uhlans, pushing on behind us, butchered all -the stragglers--a superfluous intimidation. After three weeks of active -service, those who had already fallen out eliminated, these classes -of reserves contained nothing but unusually good soldiers ... no more -sentiment or thought ... admirable beasts of burden. Shall I say that -we slept standing up? But I mean it quite literally. Many of them I -swear were snoring. Every other minute one got one's neighbour's rifle -in the shoulder or in the face: not that it woke one up for very long. -It was astonishing that there were no serious accidents. Had we crossed -the Meuse? Were we continuing to skirt it? Guillaumin was talking in -his sleep. At one point he said to me: - -"We're going through Verdun, you see?" - -I raised my heavy eyes and said: - -"Are you sure?" - -He made a movement with his head: - -"Look at these two-storied houses." - -They were the trees bordering the road. I had not even the strength -to smile. At dawn an artillery officer galloped along the column. He -slowed down on a level with us and asked: - -"Have you seen him? My orderly! He must have fallen off his horse on to -the road." - -The men nudged and questioned each other. Nobody, no. Nobody had seen -anything. We learnt, ten minutes later, that the man had just been -picked up gasping and on the point of death, a kilometre behind us. The -whole regiment had gone over his body without noticing it. - -Farther on--the longing to sleep had left me since it had grown light -again--I witnessed a touching scene. - -Henriot looked me up and whispered: - -"I say, we shall pass my home!" - -I was interested. - -"At Génicourt?" - -"Yes, the village after this one." - -We had just entered Dieu. The lieutenant stayed beside me. When, on -leaving the village, he saw that we were turning to the right, his face -clouded over: - -"What in the world are we going to do over there!" - -We were crossing the river; we should leave Génicourt on the left! - -"Do you think, do you think," he said, "that I might ask the -captain...?" - -Ask what? For permission to go and kiss his mother. - -"Of course!" I said. - -I never dreamt that it would be refused. - -He left me, but soon came back: - -"The captain didn't want me to. He's quite right. Quite right!" - -But the most terrible misery was depicted on his face. He continued: - -"And do you know. He assures me that it would have been no good, that -the village must be evacuated because ... because it's on ... the right -bank!" - -He stopped at the side of the road. - -"Oh! Dreher! I should never have thought that they would have left it, -that they would...." - -Génicourt, his birthplace, devoted to ruin, to the worst ravages, to -the fate of those wretched villages whose funeral pyres had blazed like -beacons on the horizon, yesterday. - -"Come along, sir." - -He followed me like a child, adding: - -"You, you understand, don't you? You who are a Lorrain too. The captain -told me that over there in your direction, towards Lunéville, we have -had to retire too, and let them penetrate into our territory...." - -It was a striking coincidence--that fact that he told me. I had had a -presentiment of it. All night I had confusedly turned this apprehension -over in my mind. Eberménil. Eberménil. - -How often had I not repeated to myself that I felt no particular -attachment to this hamlet where chance, and chance alone, had decreed -that I was to be born! I had not set foot in it since I was ten years -old. We only kept the estate out of affection for the past. Why did I -suddenly have a strikingly clear vision of the white house with green -shutters, the big fir beneath whose shade the table was often laid? I -called to mind other scenes. The little pond where we always tried to -catch the gold fish--I had fallen in twice--the nursery where we fought -with Euréka pistols, the croquet lawn, where mother used to play with -me against father and Victor--Victor! Mother! O dear shades! Yonder lay -my childhood dead, with the vanished beings. This part of the world was -for me a unique centre of emotions. I made a vow to go back there and -soak myself with its melancholy and charm. But a cloud intervened. What -if the old place had been sacked? Perhaps the old fir-tree had fallen! -Revolted at the thought, I felt the shock of an individual rancour. My -heart contracted. We should see! - - - - -CHAPTER II - -DARK DAYS - - -That march without halt or respite had led us to the neighbourhood of -St. Mihiel. There was some talk of our being told off for the active -defence of Toul. But the next day found us reascending toward the -north-east. All the same ground to cover again. We made the best of a -bad job. - -We passed close to Génicourt for the second time. Henriot made no more -requests, but his gaze lingered sadly on those roofs separated from us -by the river; and from that day a secret spring seemed to have snapped -in him. - -After another hard day's march we again reached the Meuse which we had -left behind the day before, in order to cut south of Verdun. - -The river was not very broad at this point, only twenty yards or so, -nor very deep, and there were numerous fords. The night was falling. -The liquid sheet seemed heavier and darker than usual. Guillaumin who -was the first to go down to the bank shouted to me: - -"I say, the water's red!" - -I was loath to believe it; and yet ... I joined him and plunged my -hand into it, and then drew it out. These dark stains--must be a -bloody deposit! How horrible! I hurriedly wiped my hand on the grass. -The rushes washed by the current were soiled in a like manner. Those -shapeless masses floating below the surface, if one looked hard, turned -out to be corpses! - -Had there been fighting on these banks? No, up-stream, we learnt. -Furious attempts on the part of the Germans to force this important -piece of line. They had sustained terrible losses. Their bodies, we -were told, obstructed the course of the river; it could be crossed -dry-shod. - -We stayed there that night and the next morning--a repulsive halting -place. An acrid odour rose from this charnel stream. - -We luckily had a tale of victory to lull us to sleep: the enemy -shattering themselves against the obstacle; artillerymen filing off mad -with joy caressing their guns. One of their captains boasted that he -had demolished more than six thousand Bosches with his four batteries. -How could we question such feats of prowess while a never-ending stream -of human relics floated past on the stream at our feet? The best proof -of our success arrived in the shape of an order to recross the Meuse -and advance again. - -A few miles recovered! I greeted with a friendly glance the lovely -hills and valleys that saw us again so soon, as victors. - - * * * * * - -We entered a village named Hazaumont, which the Teuton flood had -submerged barely for an instant; and stayed there all day. We had to be -on the alert as the guns were thundering in the neighbourhood, but it -was a rest for mind and body nevertheless. - -The few inhabitants who had stayed behind exploited the situation. I -still laugh when I think of the old woman who was selling her bad wine -at four francs a bottle. - -Judsi, when he learnt the price, gaped with astonishment, opened -his hands, and dropped two bottles which he had seized. There was a -resounding crash! And he retired, politely saying: - -"Too dear, madam!" - -The old woman uttered piercing shrieks and lodged a complaint. A lot of -good it did her. The captain requisitioned the entire contents of her -cellar, at tenpence a bottle, indiscriminately! - -We might once more have been at manoeuvres. We ate and drank, and got a -good afternoon's nap; what could we wish for more! One of Guillaumin's -corporals found a way of hiring himself out to give a hand to the -publican in the village. He had his work cut out for him, dashing -out from the tap-room to the tables in the garden, but he was richly -rewarded for his pains, in the evening, by the great pailful of wine -which he brought back in triumph. - -He was hailed with delight. There were some abuses, of course. Lamalou -was heard to ask: - -"Any one got an empty haversack?" - -He disappeared and came back with a rabbit, and a chicken. - -The Bosches had not pillaged much, only a few houses. I won't swear -to it that certain others did not suffer by our doing. There were -complaints by the mayor, and an inquiry; they spoke of a thief caught -in the act. - -The officers in command, on the contrary, closed their eyes to the -orgies and drinking parties. Discipline was relaxed, in fact. I was a -little disquieted about it, in spite of the fact that, in our lot at -all events, the men kept within certain limits. It is certain that -they were feverishly anxious and eager to make the most of all the -material benefits, which they might not enjoy for very much longer. And -surely the thought that a lot of these fine lads would be under the -ground to-morrow was a good enough excuse. - -The place stank of spies. During our short stay, several were -discovered, and had summary justice dealt out to them, which gave -rise to a tendency to see them everywhere. Every civilian fell -under suspicion; there were repeated disputes between soldiers and -villagers--ill usage and reprisals. We will draw a veil over it! It was -sickening! - -As to the general situation, the large majority never gave it a -thought, and we others still knew nothing. - -General Pau was supposed to be striking a knock-down blow in Belgium -while Castelnau on the other wing was pushing on the invasion of -Alsace. A superb enveloping movement! All that our army group in the -centre, which served as a pivot, had to do, was to hold out, to avoid -being broken through. This slight retirement, on our part, had been of -small importance. - -But matters were to be precipitated. - -The same evening we leave Béthain to march northwards towards the -firing. We do not get very far. The moment our advance companies enter -a village, a hail of "Black Marias" begins--there are heavy losses--we -retire in disorder--an accomplice in the steeple is signalling to the -enemy. We have orders to shoot him; he escapes. A deadly halt in a -field. - -And suddenly on the road close by a hullabaloo, a rout. That stream -of fugitives, runaways, and wounded. We know all about that! -Spincourt over again! An infallible sign of defeat! Surprise and -bitterness--once more! - -Some battalions marched past in comparatively good order, troops from -the south, who had fought as well as any of the others, but their -accents and black beards tickled our sense of humour, and a stupid tale -got about that they gave way without fighting. - -Terrible tidings were passed along, spread by the captain, a native of -Tarascon, I imagine, who ran up to one of our officers: - -"Where are you going?" - -"To occupy that village." - -"Impossible, my dear fellow!" - -"How's that?" - -"We've just come from there! It's raining bommmbs!" - -Our halt lasts an eternity. The firing is drawing nearer. A moonless -night. We hate the feeling of passing on to the front, without having -heard ourselves shout to any one, to get out of the way--one of the -rare occasions when one wishes instinctively to retire. Not far behind -us, we felt, was the Meuse. Yes, there we could make a stand! - -The village we entered a few hours ago is on fire. The stream on the -road is becoming less dense. The report once more spreads that we are -cut off, or at all events forgotten, it appears. - -Or sacrificed? The colonel warns us that our division has orders to -protect the retreat, to hold out to the last extremity. That revives -our courage! But I consider. A division to form a rear-guard? How many -corps were there crowded there! - -They at last decided to take us back. The wan dawn--the "coal-boxes" -beginning again. At one point their crash passes so low above our -heads that we should like to bend right down to the ground. We are -surrounded on all sides by the terrible detonations. A hundred yards -from us a platoon of the 23rd battalion is pounded to pieces--an -abominable sight! - -We have the strength to make our way.... But the lowlands and ditches -and woods are running over with wounded; and men who have come to the -end of their strength succumbing to over-work and hunger. Mounted -police scour the roads, in increasing numbers, and beat the bushes, -shaking men by the collars who seem to be asleep, but sometimes turn -out to be dead. - -Our instructions were explicit. By midday not one of our men was to be -on the right bank of the Meuse. - - * * * * * - -At this point my recollections of places and dates become rather -involved. Three, four days.... What happened? We march and march, and -we fight. But there are no long engagements. - -We expect to hold each prepared and organised position. No! we are -turned and overwhelmed. We have to break up, pursued by hostile -projectiles. And what a nightmare the Taubes are. They harry you hour -after hour, dropping grenades and bombs, and also messages which we -have neither the time nor the inclination to read. Incredibly daring -pilots descend to within fifty yards! We fire on them in a fury, with -"Archibalds" and rifles and revolvers. All in vain! Nothing touches -them. The bird flies off.... I've seen some of the lads exasperated to -such a pitch that they began to throw stones. - -The line of the Meuse? Far from it! We could not hold it for an hour. -The Germans had just crossed it at Consenvoye and elsewhere. - -An insane circuit began. Souilly, Montfaucon, Exermont, Tailly--I won't -be answerable for the order in which they came. - -The most striking episode occurred at Beauclair. - -Some Uhlans were said to be resting in the village. We were ordered to -chase them out of it. For once in a way our artillery prepared the way -for us, by peppering it for a good hour. Then a whistle was blown--we -were hanging about on the outskirts--"Fix bayonets! Charge!" - -We rushed the village, marvelling, in spite of the preparation, at -such an easy success. Then we saw that the enemy had been warned and -had evacuated it just before the bombardment had begun. The horrible -part was that we had destroyed this village for nothing, nothing at -all. Not a house was left standing, not a strip of wall spared. Some -of the inhabitants, some women, came out of the smoking remains. They -had taken refuge in the cellars during the devastating cyclone,--many -of them had been killed there. Mad with rancour, among the ruins, they -hurled taunts at us: - -"Ah. It's you! It's your work, is it! Even the Bosches are better than -you!" - -That evening, we retired again after severe fighting. A night march, in -zigzag formation, and in the morning bewilderment. We had retired too -quickly, it seemed, leaving all our artillery unsupported, and in the -greatest danger. - -We ourselves were surrounded, so it was said. This time it was really -serious! We were assured that the situation was as desperate as it -could be. - -Our colonel, the one like Dumény, had got a splinter in his thigh. -The new one collected his officers and pointed out that no choice was -left but to surrender or perish. His had been made he added, tapping -his revolver. (Henriot was my authority for these details.) Someone or -other, he said, had gone as far as to suggest cutting up the colours to -prevent them being left in the hands of the enemy. Each N.C.O. and each -private should carry away a shred. - -They had got as far as that! And then a young staff-captain dropped -into the middle of them shouting; - -"For Heaven's sake, sir, send someone to relieve the guns!" - -He energetically took the direction of the operations into his own -hands. A certain battalion was to play a certain part! Such-and-such a -company as flankers. And there was not a minute to be lost! - -He was a born leader! We would have followed him wherever he chose. - -Our counter-attack was successful, and enabled the gunners to bring -their batteries and ammunition waggons back. - -There was talk, the same day, of an extensive advantage obtained in -our neighbourhood. We triumphantly thought we had done with these -retrograde marches. - -No such luck! At night, orders came as usual to beat a retreat. We were -entering on another stage of our fantastic itinerary. A flight--as -we were being pursued. The hamlets of Argonne again burst into flame -behind us. One evening twelve torches could be counted blazing beneath -the lowering sky.... - -Astounding rumours began to spread. The most persistent, but also the -one which found the least credence, was this: - -"Laon and La Fère invested!" - - - - -CHAPTER III - -STRENGTH OF MIND - - -Would it be a surprise to hear that not for one instant during that -time did I experience the faintest shadow of discouragement? And -yet I did not shut my eyes to the truth. I did not in the least -disregard the desperately critical element in our position. My -steadfastness arose, I believe, from the deep-rooted conviction that -if, in such circumstances, the nation abandoned the least iota of her -self-confidence, all would be up with her and with us. I was conscious -of being a molecule participating in the whole. The slightest faltering -on my part would have diminished the strength of my platoon, of my -company, of the whole regiment. In the same way, I thought, my energy -must raise it and reinforce it. And besides, my will did not need -stiffening, I was steeped in serene faith, infinitely more convinced -of our final success, all through this retreat, which resembled a -disaster, than I had been a few days before, when I kept watch at the -outposts of a victorious army. "Just wait a little," I repeated to -myself obstinately. Our adversary was gaining an advantage, driving us -in front of him. Very well! We were suffering, and we should suffer -endless ills,--especially when autumn came on,--desertions, partial -mutinies might occur. Everyone counted on some terrible epidemic. There -would be nothing surprising in new and still more serious defeats. -Yes, but afterwards, afterwards? Afterwards, I conceived a limit to our -misfortunes, but not to our resources. I discerned in myself, in us, -a capacity for resistance against which the effort of the enemy would -spend itself in vain however tenacious it might be. - -To what must I attribute the expansion of my strength of mind? I asked -myself then, and have considered it since. - -To the boon, first of all, of being descended from that sturdy stock. -I remembered the vitality my mother had always shown. Had she not -nursed me at night during my long illnesses for three weeks at a time, -without neglecting one of her duties during the day? And my father, and -his behaviour from one end to the other of the preceding war! Taken -prisoner once, wounded twice, he considered the armistice shamefully -premature after six months of incessant fighting. - -On searching my memory, I did not fail to find indication of the force -latent in me, which had had no opportunity of increasing owing to the -paltry conditions of my life as a young well-to-do _bourgeois_. That -Rugby semi-final for the inter-school championship, played between my -college and the "Lilies of the Valley" from Bourdeaux. Our opponents, -favoured by the wind and sun, had kept the game in our "twenty-five" -nearly all the first half, and had scored four tries and two goals. -That meant a beating for us; despair in our team. I can see myself at -half-time, ceasing to suck my lemon in order to make a manly speech to -my fourteen comrades. In the second half, we kicked off, got the play -into their "twenty-five," and in our turn, scored two tries, the second -of which was converted. We could not have gained more satisfaction by -beating them, than we did by avoiding a humiliating defeat. - -Does the comparison make you smile? - -But I belonged to a generation which had already profited by the proud -lesson of sport. I had pursued all the most violent athletics, less on -rational than on passionate grounds, and for the delights of self-love -which bear such a wonderful attraction for youthful hearts. I had run, -boxed, and swum. I had been broken into the games where the individual -learns to collaborate unselfishly with his partners. I bear witness to -the nobility of that school. Without suspecting it I had gained a moral -education there. One comes out tempered for any struggle, after having -tried conclusions with rival energies over and over again in friendly -meetings. - -And even if I had gained nothing but the bodily benefit! - -The play of my muscles and organs was free and healthy and unhampered. -Well fed as we were, except on one or two occasions, I could have gone -to the world's end. As I became hardened, I no longer got as tired as -I had on the first days. I lay down to sleep, never mind where, and I -slept. On waking up all I felt was a suspicion of stiffness, nothing -more. The first advance! How often I was lucky enough to be able to -give a helping hand to some man, by carrying his rifle or his load for -him for an hour or two. My own pack sat lightly on me, seemed to have -become part of me. I remember how distracted I was one day--I must have -left it on the bank just now, I exclaimed, during the long halt...! - -Guillaumin saw that I was not laughing, it was he who exploded: My -pack? It had been plastered on to my shoulders the whole blessed time! - -Another motive for my strength of mind, the chief one, was my -correspondence. - -There were many complaints during those weeks, about the delay in -the postal service. With us--I can only state the fact--it worked -adequately, no, admirably. I have described how the baggage-master -caught us up, the day after "Spincourt." By some knack, or lucky -chance, we saw him arrive twice more during the week, trotting -cheerily along behind his lean mare. He was a good sort, and related -his adventures, which others might have called feats of prowess. -How many times had he just missed being killed, wounded, or taken -prisoner! These were reliable accounts: his cart had been riddled, and -the splinter of a shell had pulverised one of his post-bags one day. -Neither he nor his beast had ever been touched. - -The second mail brought me a letter from my father. He knew at last; he -had had official information. It was a grave and sorrowful missive. His -affection and hope were centred entirely upon me, he assured me. In his -manlike way of expressing himself, where there was not one unnecessary -word, I discovered traces of an attachment which I had formerly refused -to recognise. - -And this added page--was from the poor little widow. After leaving St. -Mihiel, which was threatened, she reached Paris just in time to be -greeted by the abominable news. She was bearing up in the face of the -terrible shock. I had dreaded collapse and prostration for her. And now -no one could help admiring her, shining with resolute determination -in her affliction--two little children to bring up--the sense of her -duties! How I should have liked to go to her and take her hands and -say: "I mourn with you, my sister. If I live, dispose of me as you -will!" - - * * * * * - -What a transport of delight I was thrown into by these appearances of -the baggage-master. Jeannine, with divine consideration, had written -to me again without waiting for my reply, which might be delayed, she -said, by so many chances. In future she intended to write me a line -almost every day. A line! That meant long, affectionate epistles. Two -reached me at once, then three together, the second time. - -With a modesty to which I mutely paid homage, Jeannine avoided all -allusions to the new state of affairs which had actually risen -between us. But I read her passionate infatuation between the -lines, in the burning contents of these letters. Scraps of them -still float in my memory. She spoke of herself and of me, of my -people and her people--our people. She touched lightly upon every -subject, which at that time affected us like so many millions of our -brothers. Did she not recall as if by chance various of those high -problems which had formed the subject of our smiling discussions at -Ballaigues--self-sacrifice, abnegation, disinterested attachment to -such and such an idea or being? Did I deign now to bow before this -sublime foolishness, she wondered? She did not insist upon it. She -knew that she had easily carried her point. I developed our motives -of inspiration, and returned them to her. They were all secretly -contained--and she felt it, the sweet creature--in this one, we loved -each other. - -Love! I dared to look this prodigious word in the face. The vision -of promised joy kept me up. When once the war was over, the country -saved,--in her eyes and in mine, everything else must give way to -that--I pictured our reunion, our brief betrothal, and the day, oh -God, the day when we should kneel side by side--What could it matter -whatever separated me from that time? Toil and suffering, the spilling -of my blood, what was it all? A moderate advance when such wondrous -radiance filled the horizon. - -I had not given up my habit of analysis. An attitude of mind which -stays with one, I believe, till death, when once adopted. I sometimes -wondered at my youthful enthusiasm. Was I a captive? Caught up in the -whirlwind? I who had thought myself safely in shelter. I asked myself -whether this ardour were not partially fictitious or at all events -ephemeral? How unlike me it was--I, who was so much imbued with the -idea of my cold-bloodedness and stoicism--to become infatuated about -this child, and that too when I was no longer in her presence, when I -had been able to live beside her for weeks without being in the least -perturbed or inflamed. Such reflections drew me as the bushes on the -river-bank draw an abandoned boat drifting with the current. It was -only a brief fluctuation. I gave one or two powerful strokes with the -oars, and regained the open river, where the rapid stream carried me -away. - -It was true, I admitted, that a month or two ago, when I had been -face to face with her, I was incapable of love, or of any exalted -feelings. But was I alive at that time? No. No. A secret affliction -robbed my destiny of all true zest. Let me revel to-day in the supreme -instinct which was reviving in me! Was this instinct folly? It was -quite possible. Especially this passion which had suddenly blossomed -in such abnormal circumstances? But what was there more beautiful than -a beautiful folly? If, after having been hurled, by the brutality of -circumstances, from my quietude into the sphere where the fate of -primitive beings was under discussion--what more natural than that -I should be born anew to their fire and rapture. What delight there -was in recurring to an artless frame of mind, what pride at the same -time in retaining a certain elevation of thought. Love could no longer -mean for me mere desire. I magnificently mingled metaphysical reveries -with it. I flattered myself on having attained perfect poise--on being -philosopher enough to give my fever an august flavour--man enough to -quiver at it. - -In my replies to Jeannine I was as reserved as she was as regarded -our deepest feelings. Like her I poured myself out in passionate -meditations on the present circumstances. Any treatment seemed to -suit them, from arch frivolity to lyricism. I, who formerly used to -be so particular about each letter being written in an accurate, and -indeed elegant style, now scribbled away at page after page, just as -they occurred to me. I did not even read them over! A soldier to his -fiancée! The slips must take care of themselves. And I took a kind of -pride in baring my soul, which no longer hid any evil recesses.... - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -OH, MY FRIENDS! - - -In whom should I confide the secret which made my heart leap? - -Could I hesitate when Guillaumin was beside me! - -Lively, hearty, and full of go, he was an incomparable companion. He -fought as if he had been born to it.... He was in for it, and would -stick to it. He had thought it would only be a short business. He -realised that it would be a long one. Couldn't be helped! Why grouse -about it? He preferred to save his breath. Not for an instant did he -dream that we could negotiate for peace as losers. One felt that he -would march on patiently counting always on revenge, sooner or later, -as long as he had the legs to march on; that he would fight as long as -he had the arms to fight with. - -How fond I was of him! How worthy he was of my confidence! - -I hesitated, all the same, for a long time. It was the effect of -my rooted suspicion of my fellow-beings--I swear that I lacked the -courage. One day, however, when we were marching--he was talking to me -about his sister who was a musician--I made some allusion to Jeannine, -also a musician. He looked at me, and I made up my mind to it, I so -much wanted him to know. But my tone played me false in the most -bizarre manner, cloaking itself in false irony. I seemed to be giving -an account of a casual flirtation. What would this unimportant intrigue -end in? I pretended to have no idea of it. And the word, the delicious -word, which was ready to blossom on my lips, was never pronounced. - -Hypocritical trifling! How I cursed it, on looking back at it. How -thankful I was to Claude for not adopting the same frivolous tone in -his turn. If he had done so, that would have been the end of it. I -should have retired within myself, embittered by the idea that I had -been misunderstood or, worse still, we should have continued to make -meaningless remarks on the subject, which would have done violence to -my love. Instead of which Guillaumin guessed that I was, in spite of -myself, the victim of an absurd timidity; it was he who, by insensible -degrees directed our conversation into a more cordial and sincere -channel. He made his interest clear to me. My confidence touched him, -he refused to treat it as an insignificant sentiment. Then I took the -final step, and knew the sweetness of self-abandonment. - -Without a blush, since I was sure that no chaffing threatened me, I was -able to describe to him in detail the progress of the sweet seduction -right up to the glorious ecstasy. He listened to me unwearyingly, -encouraging me by a strange word or nod. The next day he gave me an -opening, which I had vaguely desired, to return to my subject. He -smiled at me, when my next letters came, and his eyes shone. His -friendship performed the miracle of making him happy because I was. - - * * * * * - -De Valpic had stayed with us. I had pressed him in vain to report -sick. Guillaumin, and the captain too had urged him to. Circumstances -robbed our exhortation of all efficacy. He said repeatedly that it was -a time when the country claimed the determined effort of all her sons. -If I insisted, he cut me short with: - -"Dreher, you wouldn't desert us!..." - -So he went on, and refused to give in. He valiantly accomplished the -terrible marches, and bore the sleepless nights, and the days without -rest. We sometimes found him sitting down panting, during the halts, -without even the strength to wipe his forehead. His appearance then -would terrify us, his hollow eyes, and flaming cheek-bones. In a few -days his features had become peaked, his face emaciated; his poor -shoulders were bowed. One would never have expected him to go down hill -so rapidly. His cough was growing more rasping. He expectorated freely, -but always--with touching consideration--into a little spittoon, -concealed until then in his pack. We hardly dared to ask him how he -was. He had asked me lightly not to refer to the subject again. - -"I am better, I assure you, since I've given up thinking about it!" - -"But what about your temperature?" - -"I'm not feverish now. I've thrown away my thermometer. I ought to have -begun by doing that!" - -He did not let a day go by without writing, any more than I did. He -was always on the lookout for ways of despatching his letters, and was -usually obliging enough to allow me to profit by them. - -I was totally ignorant of anything concerning the object of his love, -her name and age and everything. The one question he had pronounced -had been enough to make me understand his devotion for her. She too, I -guessed, must love him, if she was willing to wait till he recovered. - -I used to wonder about this girl--a stranger to me. I imagined her as -the bearer of a great name, endowed with beauty and every fascination. -What a couple they would make! Alas, and that would never be! Would -she recognise her fiancé, when the war gave him back to her, battered, -and at the end of his strength, destined to fade away? I pictured him -on a long chair shivering and pulling his rug over his knees. The idea -obsessed me. Like imaginations must harry him ceaselessly. With a vague -eye, and a far-away look he must often be thinking of her, whom he -would see again--if things were looked at in their best light--only for -a moment. - -The closest intimacy had sprung up between him and Guillaumin and me. - -De Valpic was in the first platoon with Humel, Descroix and Playoust, -and suffered more than we did from contact with that "lot." They -disliked him, and reproached him with being stuck up, and sly,--he -who was so simple, and straightforward! They did him bad turns, and -arranged once or twice--we messed in platoons now--to defraud him of -his share, on the pretext that he was late. Playoust who had wormed his -way into the sergeant-major's good graces got the "viscount" warned for -several tiring fatigues. At Béthaincourt, for instance, the unfortunate -creature was left behind to wait for the certificate of good conduct. -The Mayor, having finally refused, after long disputes, he caught us up -in the middle of the night, after a forced march. We did not get wind -of this bullying at once. We did not see much of the Humel-Playoust -set, and De Valpic hated making complaints; he would have preferred to -see peace established, even if it were to his own detriment. - -Everyday, however, we monopolised him more and more. He joined our mess -which Gaufrèteau had agreed to manage, ever since Spincourt, and which -aroused everyone's envy, so savory were the fumes which rose from it, -even in the most tragic hours, and amid the dearth of all resources. - -We three lost no time in finding each other during long halts, and at -the end of the day's marching. When we were not too much worn out we -had long confabs. The strange thing was that at those times De Valpic -was the one of us who was always the most animated. He no longer -slipped away! We wanted him to spare himself, but he, apologising -for his fits of coughing, led us on in spite of ourselves, lavishly -displaying the riches of his unusual mind. Was it with a view to -diverting his thoughts, or did he realise that his enthusiasm was a -source of inspiration to us? What a marvellous conversationalist he -was! I was dumbfounded by the extent of his knowledge, the region of -his curiosity. Our discussions often turned upon the issue of the -present campaign. How great was his optimism based on facts, not on -illusions! There was no pretension about it, by the way; it was all -said in a playful friendly tone, which did not recoil on occasion -before a crude or, shall we say, military expression emphasised by his -rare smile. - -We expressed our opinions, flattering, or the reverse, on everyone -about us: _poilus_, N.C.O.'s, and our leaders. What intuition and -penetration De Valpic showed. How shrewdly he judged poor Henriot, for -instance, who was completely demoralised, and, because he was ashamed -of it, retired into his shell, and shunned all society. - -"A Lorrain, and an elementary school-master!" - -He developed his idea, showing us that these frontier people were more -chauvinistic than us, apparently, more warlike, and more nervous. It -was they who had suffered most from the invasion in 1870, so that there -was nothing more natural than that they should flag quickly at the -arrival of a second disaster. They were always the first to suffer. -And how easy it was to get into the habit of thinking of the enemy as -insatiable and invincible, everlastingly stretching out its claws over -their territory. And again he made game of our classic education which -assuredly must temper the character by the obscure recollection it -propagates of so many traits of heroism, of so many noble passions! But -he interrupted himself, fearing to be too sweeping: - -"For that matter, there are heaps of first-rate fellows among these -schoolmasters!" - -We knew some, but not as many as he did! He quoted various names. -Hermeline in the 18th had died heroically the other day, defending the -bridge at Cléry. - -One evening our intercourse assumed a philosophic complexion. I amused -myself by inveigling Guillaumin into insidious discussions. He fought -hard, and appealed several times to De Valpic whose courteous decisions -struck me by their perspicuity; and also to the highmindedness they -seemed to bear witness to. And yet they must necessarily be inspired -by some moral philosophy--Which? It will be remembered that the very -sound of the word used to importunate me. Once started, I sketched -the outline of my late doctrines. I was curious to see with what -dialectics my companions would oppose those I had so often proved -irrefutable. I pressed them. I showed the logic of integral egoism, the -impossibility for man to create any duty other than his happiness. - -"What do you think about it, De Valpic?" - -He quietly remarked that moral philosophy in his eyes was one with -religion. - -"Which religion?" - -"I only know of one!" - -This steadfastness did not displease me. I was not ignorant of his -principles. I had seen him, the very day before, during our stay at -Hazaumont, leave us to go and see a priest and communicate. Was his -belief irrational--foolish? But at these fateful junctures, were not -certain sublime follies our only stays? - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE - - -It was fortunate that we were three friends, three brothers, each less -devoted to himself than to the others. How lonely it would have been -otherwise! In billets we sometimes happened to come across friends -from other companies: Laraque, Ladmirault, or Holveck. There would be -a handshake, and a few words, no more, and then we separated. They on -their side lived for themselves. The breach between us and the other -N.C.O.'s was widening. - -I except Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, who, on the contrary, -sided with us. We must needs do him justice for the care and cleverness -with which he accomplished his task of commanding No. 4 platoon where -Hourcade seconded him badly, and keeping the books of the whole company -under the captain's supervision. Sturdy and square-shouldered, it was -good to see him going off with the camp material towards the end of a -long halt. He nearly always succeeded in hunting out suitable sites. -His responsibility and the country life suited him. He no doubt looked -forward to the military medal, and the sergeant-major's stripe, at the -end of this venture. Plucky under fire, and as much on the spot there -as elsewhere, he always had his men well in hand. He had been won over -by our conduct under fire. During his rare leisure moments, he would -willingly come and joke in our little group, which he dubbed "The -Bachelors' Club." The only trouble was that with him you had to drink, -drink, drink, the whole time. No drunkenness, but good hard drinking! -We refused to join him for the first few days, but he called us -molly-coddles, and almost took offence. De Valpic advised us to accept. -We took turns to treat each other, here a pint, there a glass. After -that it was a case of friendship till death, between him and us. - -But the Humel-Playoust "lot"! Ravelli might rightly be classed with -them now. I have spoken of the complete transformation which had been -effected in him. It was doubtful whether the _poilus_ ever heard the -sound of his voice. Playoust had taken possession of him, getting -hold of him through his weaknesses, flattering his Corsican vanity, -but making a laughing-stock of him, though he was too stupid to see -it. They never left each other, and were on the most familiar terms. -These days, so fertile in surprises, had completely deranged the -sergeant-major who had always been rather shaky in the upper storey. -He saw spies everywhere--in all the old women, and priests, disguises -which had as a matter of fact been made use of. Playoust spurred him -on, for the amusement of the onlookers. The game was assuming alarming -proportions. Ravelli, at Hazaumont, went to find the commanding -officer, and handed over a list of suspects to him, which had been -drawn slyly, by the other--all the parish priests in the neighbourhood! -The captain was good-natured; he merely shook the poor sergeant-major: - -"I shall keep my eye on you, my lad!" - -Later on, on the evening of "Beauclair," Ravelli only just missed -throwing the whole division into a panic by yelling "The Uhlans!" - -Trouble might have come of it. There was some question of reducing him -to the ranks. His last chance of obtaining officer's rank was lost then. - -But in spite of it he still continued to pin all his faith to Playoust. -His ears buzzed, and he was continually asking: - -"Is that firing, that we hear?" - -"Exactly." - -And the wretch pointed out some fleecy clouds in the sky. - -"Look there. Shells bursting!" - -"Good heavens! Marked again!" - -But one thing that was not so funny was that since the sergeant-major -continued to arrange the rounds of duty, Playoust made use of his -power over him to get him to bully or favour certain men. De Valpic -as has been seen was their principal victim. But directly we got wind -of the matter, Breton warned Ravelli that we had decided to report it -to the captain. The threat was sufficient, the normal time-table was -immediately reverted to. All he gained by it was that Guillaumin, who -was sickened by it, called him and his set, Brutus! and Blackguards! -and refused point-blank to have anything to do with them in future. - -Yes, that's what it came to in the end. - -The N.C.O.'s of each company stuck together and had nothing to do with -the others. In the sinister hours of that retreat! I blush to have to -report it! - -Hourcade was simply an unpleasant nincompoop. His only outstanding -feature was his greed. If he had thrown in his lot with the -Humel-Playoust set, it was because he considered that he was more -likely to pick up titbits there than anywhere else--a folly which -prevented him from tasting Gaufrèteau's cooking! He stuffed into his -haversack miscellaneous provisions, most of which he had shamefully -gleaned from his men's rations. His mouth was always full. In billets, -replete, not to say crammed, he quickly fell asleep and snored. - -As for the two elementary schoolmasters, that was a simple matter: -they hated us. Not starting from to-day or yesterday, but from several -years ago, and before that--from birth. They were envious, embittered -fellows, suffering, so De Valpic considered, from their semi-educated -state. An ambiguous caste, despising the peasant and detesting the -_bourgeois_, though we had nevertheless met and appreciated some lads -belonging to the same class at the "Peloton," who were hard-working, -intelligent, and ambitious, and had taken top places at the end of -the year. But these were vulgar and envious on a level with most of -them. Their physique was poor too. Even Descroix's strength, heavy -and squat though he was, did not come near to ours; one felt that his -blood had been impoverished and his muscles weakened by a studious -youth, infrequent exercise, and poor nourishment. I considered him -really repulsive with his flattened head, his stuck-out ears, his -gaping mouth. I disliked him for all these signs of degeneration, and -above all because of his deliberate cruelty towards the "viscount," -and the brutal laugh with which he greeted Playoust's spiteful tricks. -Humel, who was small and weakly, with a thin neck and bowed shoulders, -and was always exhausted at the end of a day's march, inspired me -with more indulgence. Was he not the youngest of us since Frémont -had disappeared? Once or twice I thought I saw a look of gentleness -flit across his face, an expression which always attracts me. I had -occasionally made certain advances. In vain. A fanatical disciple of -his companions, he was not the least quick of them in administering -offensive rebuffs. - -Playoust had them all under his thumb. He was certainly smart, the -rascal! I had been finely taken in at first by his look of a Paris -street-urchin. He worked his open-handed, happy-go-lucky appearance, -which makes the type so attractive, for all it was worth. And all the -time he was as slippery and vicious as he could be. He hardly ever -risked anything more than a casual piece of insolence on us, and he was -the only one of the lot who continued to say good-day to us or to shake -our hands, while, privately, he never ceased to stir up his acolytes -against us. It must be noted too that he made game of them, cynically -letting them in for endless fatigues. I bore him all the more ill-will -for it, because, for a long time, I had thought I recognised a kindred -spirit in him. Nothing had awakened in him--a proof that there was -nothing lying dormant in him. What a hideous vision he afforded me of -what I might have been. - -Let there be no mistake about it. What annoyed us most about them all -was the sight of their flabbiness and slackness. Since Spincourt they -had chucked the whole show and were continually saying that they didn't -care a blow what happened! - -Their corporals were decent fellows and partially succeeded in making -up for their deficiencies. Their men were no worse than most. But in -spite of it their lack of authority came nigh to being disastrous -on several occasions. To begin with, it was an admitted fact that -in their platoon they might get drunk with impunity. I remember the -stink of wine and vomiting which rose from the stables where their -men were billeted. How could De Valpic's have escaped the infection? -Ravelli, who had been put up to it by the others, was always down on -him. Playoust was charmed when the soldiers and the inhabitants were -at loggerheads with each other. He tacitly encouraged the foraging and -marauding that went on. Some of his _poilus_ were mixed up in the rows -at Béthaincourt. - -Here is another occurrence which will serve to illustrate the different -attitudes of mind. One grilling afternoon when we were passing the -train of company waggons, the captain took it upon himself to give the -most exhausted men permission to put their packs in the waggons. Our -men were too proud. Their packs! They were quite capable of carrying -them themselves, thanks! In the first platoon the N.C.O.'s were the -first to unballast themselves; first, ten, then fifteen, then thirty of -the men copied them. When that waggon was full, what should these fine -gentlemen do, but set to work calmly to fill the next one that came -along, which belonged to No. 20 company. The commanding officer, when -he heard about it, came rushing up, inquired into the matter, bellowed -like a bull and cancelled the permission. Our men chuckled over the -occurrence. The others were furious: He'd better not bully them! Get -away with him. They were fed up! - -As the retirement went on the "set" kept up a stream of grumbles. The -marches were too long. Poor reservists, we were being killed! Why -did we halt so far from any well? Was it true that all the filth was -thrown into them? Why was our company always given the most disgusting -quarters? It was not surprising! Our captain didn't get on with any -one! Who had to pay? We of course! And the baksheesh? Who got the -baksheesh? As there wasn't even a ration of brandy every day. - -After "Beauclair" things got even worse. We only caught scraps of -their declamations because they put on the soft pedal when they -saw us coming, just as they did with the officers. Playoust among -others was particularly good at posing as an excellent fellow who was -never put out by anything. But out of the reach of "tell-tales" and -"busy-bodies," their evil tongues wagged busily. - -It was sickening! they declared. The commanding officers were the -outside limit! According to them our brigadier-general, an old -Colonial, drank. The colonel was the kind of man to get us all hacked -to pieces for the sake of keeping up his reputation for bravery. They -gave us to understand they were delighted to see him wounded, and -they would have been even more so if he had not been replaced by that -old "dug-out." For that matter, you only need look at the result in -order to see what our leaders were! Hopeless! If we weren't done for -we deserved to be. Marches and counter-marches, bad management. We -could hold the Bosches when we got them to grips. There was nothing to -beat a French soldier! But as for preparation. Blimey! The slackers -who had to look after that! Descroix cast up his eyes, swearing that -those responsible would be found among the old ministers and present -deputies. He foretold retaliation in the shape of lawsuits, or riots. -Why was there such a lack of heavy artillery, of machine-guns, of -searchlight apparatus, and armoured cars? Why did we see nothing of -the aeroplanes whose praises we had had drummed into our ears for years? - -We were getting near to all the senseless recriminations of 1870. But -they were not quite so serious this time, in spite of everything. They -did not accuse Poincaré of having been bribed, or Joffre of being a -traitor. They did not even go so far as to say that this war was absurd -or unjust. We had to defend ourselves, after all! The most bitter -complaints were of incompetence, and of the lack of foresight. Enough -to be demoralising! - -They made tremendous fun of Ravelli and his fears, which they shared at -the bottom. Especially the spies! They passed on their superstitious -terror to their men. There could be nothing more depressing for them -than to feel they were surrounded by a vague throng of enemies. It -was like asking for hysterics. I remember how on the morning we were -guarding part of the Meuse, a group of refugees from Montmédy came up, -a family of five, including two children who implored us to help them -across. They were fortunate in finding us. We showed them a ford and -had them taken to the C.O. A little farther up the poor wretches had -come across some men out of Playoust's platoon, who had insulted them -and threatened to shoot them. - -And then there were the false reports, the pseudo-news, invented or -rumoured, but always bad: Italy entering the lists against us, or -England's dilatoriness. We should have to pay damages! Or else, one way -of getting out of it would be to leave our friends, the Russians, in -the lurch. Not a thing to boast about, perhaps! But it would cut short -this war, and they were fed up with it! - -I am not exaggerating. They descended to these depths of ignominy. They -were more at ease with De Valpic who slept with them, and he reported -similar conversations. It did not do to attach too much importance to -it. There was probably a good deal of "side" about it. They were so -jealous of us. Or perhaps they thought it fine to pose, on their side, -as people who were not to be humbugged, or again it might be simply the -inconsequence of men who did not quite realise the situation, or the -meaning of their words. Each of them egged the others on. - -And to think--De Valpic inclined to the idea--that they were without -doubt excellent Frenchmen, who, when it came to getting killed, would -do the thing in style! - -In any case nothing exasperated Guillaumin like their attitude. He -announced his intention of going to the C.O. to get him to put an end -to the scandal, at least twenty times. We restrained him, being opposed -to all tale-telling. We endeavoured to prove to him that their wild -talk had no effect. Playoust had had the reputation of being a wag ever -since the beginning. None of the men would take his nonsense seriously. - -Guillaumin did not give in: - -"You'll see!" he said. "You don't realise that all that eats away and -undermines.... It is bound to show itself in time!" - -It was true enough! What a difference there was in the morale of the -two platoons. - -In ours, for instance, nobody ever reported sick unless he was -suffering tortures. They made it a point of personal pride. In theirs, -on the contrary! One morning, Guillaumin, who was sergeant of the day, -had put down eight men for medical parade. A mere trifle! He calmly -undertook to cure them all by suggestion. His chief argument was that -they would have to foot it for about five and a half miles, to reach -the Medical Officer. Five of the men had their names scratched; the -rest stuck to it. It happened to be one of Bouchut's bad days and he -sent them all off with a flea in their ear. - -And when we stormed Beauclair, what a tragic exhibition they gave of -themselves. When we left the wood in extended order, ready to charge, -we looked round for No. 1 platoon, which was to support us on our -right. Not a sign of it to be seen. It made a cruel impression on -us just as we were starting off with fixed bayonets. At last we saw -Lieutenant Delafosse come out leading a handful of men, among them De -Valpic and his half-section. Behind, a long way behind, was Humel. We -charged and saw no more of them. In the uproar which followed upon the -occupation of the village, the incident passed more or less unnoticed. -But we learnt that the C.O. had rated Delafosse for it roundly. The -latter, throwing off his reserve, frankly laid the blame on some of his -N.C.O.'s who lacked go.... That was putting the case very mildly! De -Valpic assured me that he had heard Descroix putting the drag on his -men's eagerness. "Don't hurry lads! The first lot will be napoohed!" - -Here again no penalties were inflicted; they would have been too -terrible. The well-known sentence for every weakness in military law -is: _DEATH_. - -This leniency was perhaps to be blamed. Who can say what an ill-omened -influence our comrades exercised during the days that followed? It -was the most gloomy period of all. We abandoned first-rate positions -without fighting. It was impossible to rely on any favourable -information, however slight. Rumours circulated, and were added to, -concerning our reverse in the North. The replenishment of munitions -which had up till then been well-organised was failing. We were, as I -have said, repeatedly in danger of being cut off, or of getting under -fire from the pursuing batteries. Villages blazed behind us, or even -on our flank--a palpable danger for our retreat. The ditches too were -filled with soldiers, belonging chiefly to the regulars. Who could -blame them for it? Boys of twenty, worn out by four weeks' overdriving, -sleeping there, by the roadsides, for days and nights on end. - -It was a bad example though. The temptation to copy them was so great. -There were no more mounted police on the heels of the stragglers. Even -they were fighting, so we were told. - -That was how our numbers dwindled. We had realised the danger, and our -efforts were combined in preventing any men from staying behind. We -kept on urging them: "Come along now! Only a few miles more. You surely -don't want to fall into the hands of the Huns!" And we laid to their -charge abominable atrocities surpassed by reality. - -At last we reached our goal. We lost only five men out of the platoon -during that week, two of whom were ill, and two wounded. What leakage -there was in No. 1 company! We got the exact figures from the -quartermaster-sergeant, who had to draw up the numerical returns each -evening. Breton stormed, excellent fellow that he was! - -"Hang it all! _Poilus_ are too precious to lose!" - -One evening in Descroix's platoon only twenty-nine men were left, out -of thirty-five the day before, and Breton cynically sneered: "Six more -done a bunk!" - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -THE POILUS - - -Yes, Guillaumin had been quite right! Ever since we had rejoined at -F---- his one care had been the morale of the men! On that, indeed, -depended the fate of the country, united with that of the present -campaign. And this morale, in its turn, depended partly on us, in view -of our responsibility. - -A task which was quite new to me. I have said how, at our departure, -I could not conceive myself taking an interest in these dolts. Yes! -But had I not felt them quiver as they marched at my side through the -horror of the fire? The praise surprised on their lips that evening had -made my heart beat--reciprocal esteem--and I had dreamt of something -more. - -During the long parches I took steps to get into touch with them, to -overcome their shyness, the remains of their distrust. I was not afraid -of showing a few of them what was in my heart. One of these was Icard, -the miller, a steady, quiet fellow, whose good sense had struck me on -several occasions. Under the present circumstances, the footing we were -usually on, I said, was not enough. Complete harmony of mind and heart -between us all seemed to me necessary for our common safety. - -"We're fond enough of you, already, sergeant!" - -I smiled. - -"Fonder than you were at the beginning?" - -"Yes, then we weren't exactly struck on you." - -I think he was speaking at his comrades. Their instinct must have made -them realise my friendly intentions. They quickly became more familiar -and expansive. The last barrier had fallen. - -I again appreciated Guillaumin's perspicuity. According to him these -people dreaded betraying whatever tenderness and delicacy was aroused -in them, by putting it into words. They were shy of talking about -themselves, and expanded more willingly on a thousand and one abstract -subjects. I had resigned myself to listening to an endless flow of -words and pointless tales. They were flattered by my attention, and I -was surprised to find them ten times less childish and narrow in their -talk than many drawing-room conversationalists. It was the taste, -innate in the French, for discussion and reasoning. Penetration and -logic are ordinary qualities in them. Icard laid before me his views -on the questions which impassioned him: agricultural economy, modern -implements, the introduction of new crops, the causes and consequences -of the population of the country districts, the remedies to be applied -to it--all problems of vital importance to the nation. I who claimed to -be so eclectic had to blush for myself because I had never considered -them. - -With him, and with some of the others, I took a delight in broaching -the subject of socialistic doctrines. We were at one in our premises. -Starting from that point I used to get them to talk, curious to see how -much electioneering patter they had retained. More than mere words, -in any case! Some of them were imbued with the party point of view. -Each of them, for that matter, followed wherever his temperament led -him. Prunelle, the jeweller, favoured the view that the state should -interfere as little as possible with individual enterprise. Icard, for -his part, was a staunch advocate of a sort of dominant collectivism: -of the most perfect organisation of society, down to the very smallest -details, by its chosen representatives. He said to me: - -"Look at the Bosches. They have it in a sense. That's what constitutes -their strength. It's sad to think the poor brutes have to work for the -King of Prussia!" - -I tried, too, to probe their inmost convictions. Were they really keen -about this struggle which would determine the future of their race? - -It did not take long to convince me of it. Their patriotism was not an -abstract quality: it was more than that--a tradition, almost a physical -need. A free France was just as vital to them as eating or breathing. -I had the opportunity of admiring the moral unity accomplished by the -work of centuries of history. The Prussians had done these Beaucerons -a personal injury in violating the distant Eastern frontier. No peace -for them before these brigands had been sent back to where they came -from! The question of Alsace-Lorraine affected them in a lesser degree. -It was a long way off--almost an accomplished fact! But nevertheless it -must be won back, if only as a matter of personal pride, for "swank"! - -Their memory of the other war had not been at all obliterated, as -I should have expected it to be. Most of them had heard from their -parents what vexations and devastations their province had had to -endure in those bygone days. They had before their eyes the ravages of -the present war. Hang it all! If only the Bosches did not advance too -far! We mustn't be beaten again. - -And then as Corporal Bouguet very neatly expressed it, considering -how long we had been pestered by having to put in two or three years' -military service, we should be dolts not to give them a good thrashing -once and for all, for the sake of gaining a quiet life! - -Their spirit in fact was marvellous. It must not be forgotten that we -were still retreating! There was never a sign of real discouragement. -It was sometimes upsetting, certainly, to leave superb positions -without firing a single shot. But if it must be! If, as was still -rumoured, it was for tactical reasons to lead the enemy into a trap! -The fantastic exploits attributed to the artillery still continued -to fire our imagination. Once or twice we met convoys of prisoners. -Halloa! Things must be on the mend! And then, why attempt to give any -explanation? Things went well, because they went well. Even in the -first platoon there was never any serious trouble, the bad seed did -not bear. There was nothing worse than a little slackness, rather less -energy. - -There was plenty of marching. Yes, but nothing dismal about it most of -the time, especially when we thought we were getting near to the enemy -when there would be a volley of witticisms: - -"Halloa! Trichet!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "I suppose you think -Prunelle's sight too good, and that's why you're sticking your gun into -his eye?" - -They laughed; the jeweller was short-sighted and wore glasses. - -The men were generally allowed to sing. When I saw they were beginning -to flag, I shouted: - -"Strike up, Bouguet! Let's have one of your songs." - -"Which shall it be, Sergeant?" - -The corporal who was the songster of the platoon turned to me gaily. We -were on excellent terms now. - -Voices were raised demanding: - -"_The Ace of Diamonds!_" - -"_The Miller's Wife!_" - -The corporal struck up. - - "Miller, miller, she betrays you!..." - -They exploded, nudging each other, and nodding in Icard's direction who -was the first to appreciate the joke. - -Or else it was the _Crocodiles_, doggerel brought into fashion by -Lamalou, and which they never tired of: - - A crocodile--on going off to war - Said "Good-bye, Kids"--but not for evermore. - His great tail--looking very elegant - He started off--to fight the elephant!... - -Then the refrain! - -Everyone joined in the chorus. - - Oh the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-co-di-iles, - All along the Nile! They have vanished, we'll say no more! - -Childish songs, with a good swing to them. Fatigue was forgotten. Mile -followed mile in the heat and dust. A refrain of that kind swept right -along the column. While we drew breath, snatches of couplets reached us -from the distance. - -"Like nothin' on earth, those caterwaulers!" Judsi exclaimed. - -Oh, that Judsi! What a type he was! The incarnation, the flower of -the race. In each platoon of France's army, from end to end of the -campaign, I bet there was a Judsi. A street-urchin, from Paris or -elsewhere.... An apache yesterday, perhaps--it was quite possible--but -ennobled to-day by circumstances! - -He was an admirable source of good-humour. Made to cheer up the others. -He chatted without ceasing for hours and hours at a time, accumulating -eccentricities of mimicry and expression. Nothing pleased him so much -as to see that we were listening. That was the time when we played up -hardest. I swear that by the unexpectedness of his sallies and the -inflections of his hoarse voice, he often attained a pitch of drollery -which was quite priceless. His slightest absurdities gave rise to fits -of hilarious gaiety. The men pressed round him, as if on parade. It -even interfered with the marching order. What should he do but organise -relays! Every quarter of an hour, he said to his neighbours: - -"'Ook it lads! Send some other pals along now, an' we'll see if I can't -raise a smile out of 'em." - -They gave up their places without any sour looks. - -"Ain't 'e a caution!" - -"Fit to make yer split, the blighter!" - -He was never in better form than when we were in the tightest places, -when all the others were down in the dumps. On the "Beauclair" evening, -when we had to retire, he was worth seeing as he went off shouldering -his rifle, with a Uhlan's helmet, picked up in some house, in his hand, -and the air of a gentleman who had just put an end to the war in the -most brilliant style, and was on his way home where his little wife was -waiting to welcome him with open arms! Or again on the next day.... A -hail of shells, which was beginning, had just set fire to a little bit -of a house. He asked the cook's permission to make the coffee, carried -off the camp kettle, collected some brands from the beams, and boiled -the water on them at the window. The shower of the "Black Marias" -continued. It was a miracle that he was not killed. But his luck, our -luck, held. - -What endless queer characters there were! Lamalou, Bouguet, Gaudéreaux. -We've seen them all at work--one might go on naming them indefinitely. -And Bouillon! - -He had come one morning to ask my advice as to how to send money orders. - -I had taken it as a joke: - -"Send them, my dear fellow? This is more the sort of time to receive -them!" - -"It's for Marie," he said, "who's stayed behind with the kid!" - -"Your kid?" - -"I don't know about that!" - -He explained that he had lived with a girl, a rag-gatherer like -himself. They had struck up acquaintance when plying their hooks, and -made love across the dust-bins--and they had come to an understanding. -So far, so good. But then at the end of eight months--eight months -exactly, that was the annoying part!--Marie had gone to Boucicaut for -the birth of her child, a little duck, as pretty as could be! The point -was not so much to find out who its father was, as to rear the little -brat! It used to be quite a paying job--but then the great Trafalgar -had come, and Blimey! ever since then there hadn't been none too much -to be scratched up out o' them dust-bins--so he thought that as he had -a bit o' cash he'd better send some to Marie, if it weren't more'n ten -francs. - -I realised that he must be economising out of the little tips he -got from me. I was much touched by his story, and promised to make -inquiries. - -The matter would depend on the baggage-master. He did not put in an -appearance just then. Bouillon asked me about the matter again. I -mentioned it casually to Henriot who sent me to the captain. He greeted -me affably, and I laid the matter before him. He called me back. He had -learnt, he said, of my brother's death, and he expressed his sympathy -for me. He added that he had watched me at work. "I'm glad to see -you've been making yourself useful." - -As for the money order, he undertook to see that it got to its -destination, solemnly took the girl's address, and handed me a receipt. - -When he got it, Bouillon turned it over and over, and asked me what it -meant. - -The little sum had been doubled by me and doubled again by the captain. - -His tanned face contracted; and tears glistened in the corners of his -big eyes. He stammered in his effort to thank me. - -"Oh! R-r-rooky!" - -I gave him a smack on the shoulder, and told him--and how sincerely I -meant it--that we owed him a hundred times more! - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -SOCIALISM - - -Useful! I was making myself useful! The captain's words rang in my ears. - -I remembered how I had wondered quite lately what use my life was, -and who in the world would have suffered by it, or missed me if I had -disappeared. Instead of which I filled a place well, to-day. My death -would have been a loss. I certainly exaggerated the importance of my -rôle, but the satisfaction each evening of having kept intact or added -to the strength which was given to me, was so sweet to me. - -It did me more credit, perhaps, than some of the others. I had always -professed not only a lack of curiosity about all manual labour, but a -disgust of it. It was the stupidity of a young intellectual inclined to -consider everything which did not show off the superior play of thought -as a vulgar task. Who would dream how far I carried this detachment? -The farthest I ever got, towards the end of my term of service, was to -do up the buckles of my pack,--Guillaumin always had to help me. I had -begun to realise during the last few days what grandeur may lie in the -fulfilment of humble duties. A leader of men, especially in the modest -sphere in which I gravitated owing to my lowly rank, has no right to -shirk any subjection. He does not get into touch with his subordinates, -or inspire them with complete esteem and confidence, unless he -succeeds in proving to them that even in the field of everyday tasks, -he is cleverer, better informed, and more expert than they are. The -complete man calmly considers all the difficulties which may arise, -from the most trivial to the most serious, and being unworthy of none -of them, considers none of them unworthy of him. - -So I no longer avoided, but rather sought, occasions to expend myself. -I followed Guillaumin's example, and drew on all I had read and -remembered. To speak the truth, when I tried, inexperienced as I was, -to put my ideas into practice, my advice was not very much to the point. - -Bouillon doubled up with laughter when I told him to damp the case -of his water-bottle, or again when we got to our quarters that rainy -evening and I advised him to stuff his boots with dry straw. - -"Go an' teach yer grandfather! Just take a look at yours, an' see if I -'aven't done it!" - -The last of my _poilus_ could have put me right on endless questions of -a practical nature. Quite so! But I could be useful to them in other -ways. Once when arms were being cleaned, Gaudéreaux had seen fit to -take his repeating apparatus to pieces, and came to grief over putting -it together again. He called me to his aid. It was a difficult problem. -Guillaumin certainly offered me his help, but I refused it, anxious to -find out how to do it myself. It took me a long time, but I succeeded -at last, which was satisfactory. - -There was a large field open to me. I had retained the knowledge I -had acquired as an instructor of recruits. It was not a question of -worrying the men with theories, but they willingly collected to have -friendly chats, and ended by enjoying the séances, where one evening, -after having explained the principles of orientation to them, I taught -them how to recognise the Great Bear and the Polar Star. On other days -we went into other matters: to do with the advance under fire, of the -artillery and infantry (we knew all about that!), of the supply of -ammunition and the commissariat; or of subjects vaster still--Germany's -ambitions, and the causes of the present war. When we were marching we -organised competitions in judging distances. We picked out a tree or a -house, and then each one had to calculate how many steps he expected -to take, and count them afterwards to see how far out he was. Lamalou -proved to be extraordinarily gifted in this respect. He was never more -than twenty yards out. We would find a way of making use of that. - -After a few tentative ventures, I found my bent. I had always been -interested in medicine. A handbook on hygiene, which De Valpic lent me, -completed my sketchy equipment. The next thing to be done was to put -it into practice. The soldiers suffered chiefly, as usual, from sore -feet--a crop of blisters and sores. I preached cleanliness first, and -methodical greasing. But the sore places, some of which were septic, -must be cured. Most of the men seemed entirely ignorant of how to treat -a blister. Guillaumin and I arranged a demonstration one evening with -great success. Once having won their confidence, we treated them for -various little ills--diluted tincture of iodine did wonders. - -One great danger was the water, which caused a great deal of diarrhoea. -It was not always possible to boil the contents of our water-bottles. -I had some permanganate of potash; a few crystals placed in the -water-buckets assured a relative sterilisation. Our platoon made it a -point of honour to have as few men as possible at sick parade. We only -had two in a week. Trichet, who sprained his ankle, wept with rage at -leaving us. - -My little cures were appreciated. Men came to ask my advice now, even -from No. 1 platoon. I had some idea of massage and set up a surgery. -The men appealed to me in doubtful cases. One evening, I remember, the -party sent on ahead to choose the camp had picked some mushrooms on the -way. Breton insisted on their waiting for me. I really was not very -well up in the matter. However, I did not quite like the look of the -valvular formation at the base, and ordered them to throw them away. -They obeyed without protesting. I learnt shortly afterwards from De -Valpic, that it had saved a good many lives. - -How much joy I got out of my disinterested efforts! Not only that of -useful labour accomplished. The incessant contact, our conversations, -the services rendered mutually, made me fonder of each of my companions -every day. I was getting into touch with the people again. I no longer -considered, as I used to, that it would satisfy me to live in the bosom -of a restricted caste of beings brought up in the same way as I had -been. I suddenly once more became aware of the ascendency of certain -doctrines. - -Social morality had always seemed to be a poor morality for those on -the right side of the barrier, as I was. Now I realised my mistake. -There should be neither oppressors nor oppressed, neither dominators -nor dominated,--alliance and not confusion of the different social -classes. "Each for all and all for each," as the old saying is. Were we -not all co-operating with the same heart in the same work? If between -these soldiers and me there was a dissimilarity in education and -disposition, if I, at their head, was exempt from the most thankless -fatigues, did that prevent reciprocal collaboration and esteem, or stop -any one being satisfied with their fate? No, no. Prunelle agreed; the -chief thing was that each class should know the other, then it would -not be long before they appreciated each other, and recognised each -other as brothers, and not such very different brothers either! - -This idea, in particular, clung to me. Disparities due to education -and upbringing, to the style of life, are, to a certain extent, -exterior. How little they count for in comparison with the tongue, -the customs, and disposition which are shared in common by the sons -of one nation and which draw them together. Between the people and -the aristocracy the difference is simply that which exists between -youth and ripe middle age. The people are like a young and lusty lad, -who only asks to be allowed to grow! What were the common sense of an -Icard, the animation of a Judsi, the self-denial of a Bouillon, if not -the deep-rooted qualities of our soil and race? There is enjoyment in -breathing them, when one also exhales them! - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -A TEMPTATION - - -How tired we were that evening. Really absolutely done. We had been -marching for twenty-four hours, almost without a halt. We were -wandering in the middle of Argonne in that part of the Chalade, and the -Four de Paris which were to be mentioned so often in the _communiqués_ -later on. The worst of it was that we had nothing to eat, except the -remains of some bread crumbling at the bottom of our haversacks. -We regretted having wasted the biscuits with which we had been so -liberally provided two days before. - -There was a prolonged halt in the forest. At one time we caught sight -of two motor-buses which cut across, following a transverse roadway. -Our rations? We took it for granted and rejoined accordingly. But -perhaps the conductors had not seen us. Several minutes went by. The -commanding officer blew his whistle, and off we had to go again! -Another march on an empty stomach! - -A blast of recriminations blew from No. 1 platoon. They could put up -with being knocked on the head, but at least give them something to -eat. They were being cut down every day now. Yesterday there was no -meat! Without rot, there was nothing more to be done but to "get down" -to it. A snooze is as good as a meal. It would only mean that a few -would be taken. - -They went on all the same. There was not a murmur among our men. Judsi -still tried to cheer up his companions, but they weren't in the mood -for it. Bouguet struck up with a song, but they joined in the refrain -only once. He couldn't sing on an empty stomach either. And the rain -began, heavy rain which soaked us through to the skin in a very few -minutes. - -"Rotten luck!" Gaudéreaux jerked out. - -We went on without a halt, through the downpour, against the wind. -We were on a by-road which soon got spoilt and broken. We slithered -through the slush. Gusts of wind beat against us, water was dripping -down our backs, freezing the sweat on our skins. That lasted for -another two hours. A dozen miles or so without a pause. No one -protested, each step must be bringing us nearer to shelter. There was -only one question we asked ourselves, in an agony of mind: Should we -get anything to eat? - -At last they stopped us, two companies of us, in front of a farm. The -rest of the battalion went on. The buildings already sheltered some -gunners--four batteries of them. I remember their greeting which was -anything but cordial. Oh, we were the last straw! As if they weren't -packed like sardines already! Dirty foot-sloggers too! (I have already -mentioned the antagonism between the different troops which was -exasperated at such times.) - -Our quartermasters quarrelled. But the first comers blocked up the -coach-houses, their officers backed them up, the commanding officer had -quite rightly reserved the only bed for himself. We stood in the yard -for a long time, haggard and numb with cold. We were finally penned in -the stables--piggeries, in an indescribable state of filth, and reeking -pestilentially. Someone went to get straw--a handful per man! We could -have put up with everything if only we could have got a bite. But it -was getting dark, and in this weather all hopes of the ration train -hunting us out were dwindling. The gunners had hastened to lay hands -on anything that the farm would produce in the way of eatables, bread, -milk, eggs, a real raid. They finished swallowing these provisions -under our very noses. - -I can see us in that filthy stable. De Valpic had just lain down -alongside the wall. He was worn out, and wanted to sleep, but the fits -of coughing which shook him made him reopen his eyes. He was shivering. -We all had faces mottled by exhaustion and starvation. Lamalou suddenly -got up with an oath: - -"Oh d----!" - -There was a crack in the roof, from which drops were falling. A stream -of water was soon trickling down. - -Guillaumin came back. He had been to have a look at No. 1 platoon. -There was schism in the Playoust "set." Hourcade and Descroix, it -seemed, were still in possession of some "ruti" and a cheese. Descroix -resigned himself to sharing it and favoured Playoust, but Hourcade -turned a deaf ear. Little Humel would get nothing out of him--or the -sergeant-major either. They neither of them demanded it, though they -were both deadly white and worn out. - -Guillaumin winked: - -"If only we could find some way! I say, are you frightfully done up, to -begin with?" - -"Fit as a fiddle, I don't think! Why?" - -"Look here." - -He confided in me that he had interviewed the farmer's wife. There was -not a village anywhere near, the nearest was nine miles away, and had -been crammed with troops for the last week. - -"Well?" - -"But there was another farm much nearer, a rich one, quite hidden in -the woods. Suppose we went to see?" - -I raised some objections, for form's sake, but the adventure attracted -me. A word to Bouillon. He at once wanted to join us. We told no one -else; permission and success were equally uncertain. So we started off. -It was getting dark. What a road it was! The mud was eighteen inches -thick in places. Torrents of rain still, and the gloom was deepening. -To begin with we forced ourselves to look where we were putting our -feet, but we gave it up as a bad job. Squidge, splosh! We stoically -followed in Guillaumin's tracks. We sank in half-way up to our knees, -and came near to losing our balance or getting stuck. - -When we had walked for three quarters of an hour, Guillaumin began to -get worried. Half a mile the woman had told him. - -We were lost? We thought of retracing our steps when he bumped against -a gate in the dark. - -"Ow! As if my nose wasn't thick enough without that!" - -We began to make out the outlines of an obstruction. But everything -seemed to be shut up. No light. We went to knock at the door. Not a -sound. We knocked louder. - -"Done!" I said. - -"We'll soon see!" - -Guillaumin raised his voice: - -"Two petards of melinite to blow up your house!" - -A few seconds passed. Then a window squeaked. - -"Who's there?" - -"France." - -"What do you mean? France." - -"France, that's quite enough." - -"Wot d'you want?" - -"Someone to open the door to us." - -"We 'aven't got nothing." - -"That's a fine story!" - -"An wot abaht the Proosians?" - -"Will you let us in, confound you!" - -The man appeared to be frightened, and muttered: "'Arf a mo' till I -gits into me breeches." - -He came and undid the bolts.... A bent old peasant, carrying a candle -in his hand. - -"'Ello, on'y three of you! Might 'a bin fifty by the shindy you kicked -up!" - -He seemed to me to regret having given in so easily. We went into a low -room. - -"Well now," said Guillaumin, "What can you give us to eat?" - -The old peasant looked us up and down. I could read in his face the -mistrust and avarice of bad breeds. - -"'Aven't I told you there's nothin'?" - -Guillaumin shrugged his shoulders. - -"What do you live on? Air?" - -We certainly looked like marauders. I interfered to reassure the man. - -"We'll pay you all right!" - -Guillaumin whispered: - -"Don't know so much about that." - -I had my own idea. I opened my purse to show the silver and gold in it. - -The old fellow considered me. He looked from my hands to my eyes where -he tried to read my intentions. - -"For you three?" - -"For us, to begin with." - -"Hm! Would an omelette do you?" - -"With some ham?" - -He would see. - -We sat down at the table. The man went to call at an inside door. - -"Louise!" - -A young country girl appeared, with a hypo-critical expression and -heavy features. She lacked real grace, but was built on a generous -scale, her waist well-marked, and her bosom firm beneath the dress -which she had popped on hurriedly. - -"My eye!" murmured Bouillon. - -The old man said a few words in patois and the girl knelt down in front -of the grate and began to work a bellows. It was not long before some -flames sprang from the dying embers. In a hand's turn she had laid the -table for us. Five minutes later a frothy golden omelette was dished up -for us. - -We had never been so ravenous. We simply guzzled. We had taken off our -great coats, which were stiff with rain. When his first pangs were -assuaged, Guillaumin began to cheer up. - -"A pretty good idea of mine, what?" - -With a glance at the girl I made some joke under my breath, about the -servant girl being, perhaps, the old man's mistress. - -Bouillon was eating too gluttonously to take a part in the -conversation, but he laughed continually for no reason at all, pouring -down bumpers of some rather poor wine which the old man had brought -us with many sour looks. His face was turning purple, his dog's eyes -glistened. How I loved him, taking his share of our animal contentment. - -The peasant seated at the end of the room had lit a pipe and was -watching us out of the corner of his eye. - -"It's stupid to pay!" repeated Guillaumin. "Let's give him an I O U." - -His funds must have been coming to an end. - -"Don't worry! This is my show!" I said. - -In order to avoid any trouble, I had made up my mind to pay whatever -the old fellow claimed. - -Guillaumin ventured to suggest: - -"I say we ought to take something back to De Valpic." - -"And to our _poilus_!" - -I called the old man, who got up slowly and came to us looking rather -anxious but crafty too. - -"And now what about something for our pals?" - -"They ain't comin', are they?" - -"That depends." - -"Wot does it depend on?" - -"Upon what you give us for them." - -This seemed to upset him. He sniffed and stopped talking. - -"When I say give," I corrected myself, "I mean sell." - -"'Ow many of 'em is there?" - -"About forty." - -The peasant threw up his arms like a clockwork figure. - -"Forty. Jokin', ain't you? Now if it 'ad a' bin five or six, p'raps we -might 'a managed some'ow!" - -Guillaumin rapped on the table, and assumed a threatening air, which -was rendered even more grotesque and terrifying by his great nose. - -"You'd better take care we don't bring them along! I've an idea they'd -manage to find something!" - -The old man's face hardened. I again intervened. - -"I tell you we'll pay. Now tell me the price of a chicken." - -"Ain't got none!" - -"What, not in your cellar?" - -"Ain't got none." - -"Will you take ten francs apiece?" - -"Ten francs?" - -He rubbed his hands. - -"That's talkin',' that is!" - -Guillaumin exclaimed: - -"Five francs, not a halfpenny more. It's pure robbery!" - -I continued: - -"I should want several!" - -"How many?" - -I looked at the others interrogatively. - -"Eight or ten--a dozen if you've got them!" - -"A dozen chickens at ten francs? That's a hundred and twenty francs?" - -"Yes." - -"I'll just have a look, but I won't promise nothing!" he said as he -went off. - -When he had gone out, without bothering about the girl who was leaning -against the chimney-piece, and watching us slyly, Guillaumin slated -me. Ten francs apiece. He never heard of such a thing. Was I crazy? A -hundred and twenty francs! No. It couldn't be allowed. I should want -the cash some day or other. I didn't realise.... The old chap was -sickening. It would serve him right if we cleared him out of everything -and left him an order payable at the end of the war. So that was -settled? What? - -But I shook my head, and stuck to it. I had spent a relatively -infinitesimal sum up till now. The chance was too tempting! - -The peasant reappeared. He brought the poultry back with him, tied -by their legs. They were squalling hard and were certainly very fine -birds. His forehead was wrinkled; he must be afraid we might give him -the slip and be off with the booty. His face cleared when I laid the -purse on the table. But when I pulled a hundred-franc note out of my -pocket, the old fellow waved it aside, and pointed to the purse. - -"None o' that now! You've got that amount in solid gold!" - -"Take this note?" I retorted. - -"Give me gold, gold!" - -"Why on earth should I?" - -I had not foreseen this pretext for cavilling when I had flattered -myself on avoiding a scene. I refused to give in. The old chap kicked -against the pricks. Paper-money? Wot good was that to any one nowadays, -you wouldn't get a hunk of bread for it! - -He obviously distrusted me. I was on the point of losing my temper. -Guillaumin angrily dubbed the old man a robber and a blooming Bosche. -The latter got annoyed and made as if to take back his poultry. -Bouillon kept his eyes fixed on me, and was only waiting for a sign to -hurl himself upon the old man. - -For a fantastical instant I was tempted to let him have his way. I was -enraged, and disgusted. More than that, I was suddenly seized with a -longing to loot. It would be a wonderful opportunity. What risk should -we run? None at all. It would simply be one more picturesque scene to -add to our store of memories. - -At that moment, the servant girl happened to cross the bottom of the -room. Her dress fell into lines which suggested the rounded form -beneath. Bouillon was looking at her too, and Guillaumin also. His big -red nose was quivering. The blood rushed to my head, and desire took -possession of me. We all three exchanged a look of feverish bestiality. -Plunder the old man, violate the girl. Nothing could be easier--some -strange madness urged us on--the beast in us was raising its head. - -A vision of Jeannine passed through my mind, but it held no power to -restrain me, for was it not purely a physical impulse? It did not count -in my eyes. No one would ever know anything about it, I repeated to -myself. Why not indulge this whim? It was a sinister moment. We had -each taken a step towards the girl, whose face contracted. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -AT PEACE WITH MYSELF - - -And then, after all, something stopped me, something I had never -experienced before. Was it prejudice? Or moral restraint? I had no time -to examine my feelings. Was it self-respect? Yes, that, without doubt. -No one would ever know anything about it, but I should know about it -myself! - -"Make up your mind!" I said to the man. - -Had he an inkling of the danger he had been in? In any case he -acquiesced without a word, and took the note, to which I added a louis. - -I commandeered the rest of the bread, and three dozen eggs, which the -girl was to boil till they were hard. She bustled about, but it took -some time. - -I paid for everything at three times its value, without turning a hair. -The old man got a second louis, and to show his satisfaction, threw in -a packet of salt! - -I will not dwell upon our return journey. Bouillon had hung a cord -round his neck with the poultry dangling at each end of it, in two -bunches. They struggled and made a deafening din and twice over almost -tripped him up. He gravely warned them: - -"If you do that a third time, I shall lose my temper!" - -Thirty yards farther on, he stopped. - -"Got a pin?" - -I handed him one without understanding why he wanted it. - -He turned away. I became aware of a wild flapping, and then a faint -rattle. "Next please!" - -"I'll learn 'em not to be so bloomin' fond o' flies!" - -He pricked them behind the head, one after the other, sighing. - -"If only they was some o' them Bosches!" - - * * * * * - -When he entered the stable in front of us half an hour later, with the -chaplet of chickens round his neck, the men were stupefied. Then an -uproar arose. - -"Oh! the cannibal!" cried Judsi. - -"Good biz; grub at last!" - -The men who were asleep had to be shaken and roused up. Their faces -broke into broad smiles, their eyes lit up. Things went very quickly -when once they were all up. Some of them had already been told off to -pluck, to light fires, and do the roasting. Everyone hurried into the -yard. Guillaumin and I slipped down beside De Valpic and told him all -about our pranks. Guillaumin gaily gave him an account of the longing -which had seized us, to despoil the old man, and violate the girl. It -was a tremendous joy to have a conscience clear enough to be able to -joke about it. De Valpic smiled in response. One felt how his whole -being was yearning for the nourishment of which he had been deprived -for nearly forty-eight hours. - -We went to supervise the cooking. In the twinkling of an eye the men -had built up piles of branches, and succeeded in lighting them, though -the yard was soaking. The chickens had been plucked and dressed and -were roasting fast, threaded on to bayonets which willing volunteers -were turning conscientiously under Gaufrèteau's direction. By his -orders, too, bowls were put under them to catch the fat dripping from -them. In half an hour's time, he pronounced the birds cooked to a turn. -We presided over the division. Nothing was to go out of the platoon! - -The battalion sergeant-major came and hung about. - -"Halloa. Some looting been going on!" - -"No," said Bouillon, "the sergeant paid, and a good price too." - -Ravelli stood in the mud near by, and sniffed the good smell. But a -remnant of dignity forbade him to beg. We ended by taking pity on him, -and offering him a fine fleshy bone, which he set to work to gnaw like -a dog. - -I was tormented for quite a long time--poor wretches that we are--by -the paltry fear that the men might not realise to the full to whom they -owed the windfall. They had quite cheered up, and I saw them grouped -round the fires which still flickered, and lit up their delighted -faces, chewing the remains of their bones and munching their eggs. -Perhaps they imagined that the company's mess-balance had paid for the -feast. In any case their gratitude to my companions was just as great -as it was to me. I should have liked to monopolise it! - -Then I shook off this paltry thought. What was all this about -benefactors and debtors. A lot there was to be proud about, in having -paid, when I had the money to pay with. One felt that the good fellows -would every one of them be capable of a similar action, rather than -surprised at it! - -Candour, simplicity of soul. Another effort. I was pulling myself up to -it. - -Guillaumin and I had reserved one whole chicken for ourselves. We took -the best half of it to De Valpic. Alas! his appetite failed after the -first mouthfuls, and he had great difficulty in getting through it. - -We had decided to offer the captain a wing. Guillaumin, who had -undertaken to be the ambassador, soon came back. Ribet had refused -it--oh, as nicely as possible assuring Guillaumin that he needed -nothing. If we had a portion over, let it be for one of his men, who -had their packs to carry! - -Henriot must have got wind of this reply, for his was identical. The -third one, Delafosse, we knew nothing about him; nobody thought about -him. But Breton, when he was invited, did not turn up his nose at it, -and came to revive himself by us. He congratulated us: - -"These bachelors knew how to look after themselves--and no mistake!" - -And what about the Playoust set. De Valpic having timidly suggested -that we might--Guillaumin exploded: - -"Never! Low-down cads like that! Why they'd let us starve without -turning a hair." - -I backed him up, and De Valpic said no more. - -We three each put part of the remains on one side. It was rather -shocking, I admitted to myself, to be thinking of our future hunger, -when comrades at hand were suffering the pangs of present hunger. - -But after all! I had done enough for others to last me for one day! - - * * * * * - -I had gone out into the yard again. It was almost deserted now, but -I came across Humel. He pretended not to see me. His cap, which was -cocked over one ear, gave him a cheeky look, but I caught sight of -his haggard face and sunken cheeks by the light of one of the bonfires -which was still smouldering. I turned round: - -"I say, Humel!" - -He stopped, and aggressively snapped: - -"Well? What do you want?" - -"You've had nothing, have you?" - -"Had nothing ... what do you mean?" - -"To get your teeth into!" - -He hesitated: - -"A lot you care!" - -I went up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder: - -"Like a bit of chicken?" - -He made a movement as if to free himself, and then thought better of -it, and said more gently: - -"Have you got some left?" - -"Yes, and a hard-boiled egg. Wait a bit!" - -I went back into the piggery, and very stealthily--I did not want -Guillaumin to see me--took out my mess-tin, which contained my -provisions for the next day, then I rejoined Humel. - -"Here you are." - -We went and sat down in the shade on the curb of the well. - -"You can use my mess-tin." - -The poor boy began to eat hurriedly, and in silence. I told him, in -a joking tone, the story of our expedition; and meanwhile stealthily -examined his thin profile. He was a mere boy. A younger brother, this -lad too, younger not only in years.... He was thirsty. I pulled up a -bucket of water for him and we drank out of the same mug. - -Then making a violent effort to get over what I think was timidity he -said to me: - -"Thanks very much." - -I replied: - -"Look here, old chap, don't you think we ought all to be pals?" - -As he nodded in agreement, I ventured on to more ticklish ground. With -all sorts of precautions, and wordy extenuations, I let him see how -necessary it was, in the present circumstances, not to let the men's -morale be shaken. It was for us in particular, who mixed with the -troops to preach it to them, and to practise what we preached. There -were so many shining reasons to hope. Complaints were so harmful. - -It was a dangerous subject, I repeat. Humel was already chafing under -my remarks and beginning to protest--(Where is the man who will submit -to being taught his business?)--I went off at a tangent, just in time, -and roundly abused Playoust and Descroix--Humel I affected to accept, -to consider that as far as he was able to, he tried to react against a -troublesome state of mind; I considered him the only N.C.O. who counted -in No. 1 platoon, as De Valpic was too ill but I hoped that he would -redouble his efforts! - -The most transparent ruses were successful. Humel gave up rebelling. I -do not know whether he flattered himself that he was like the portrait -I drew of him, but he nodded approvingly. When you catch people doing -wrong they are so grateful to you when you do not humiliate them. - -We shook hands heartily when we separated. I kept his youthful fist in -mine for a minute: - -"_Au revoir_, my lad!" - -"See you to-morrow!" - -One more on our side, perhaps! - -I went to lie down on our dung-heap. My companions were already asleep. -I looked affectionately at Bouillon and Guillaumin for a moment--then I -scribbled a few lines to Jeannine, and lay down at peace with myself. - - - - -_BOOK VIII_ - -_September 2nd-7th_ - - - - -CHAPTER X - -NEWS AT LAST! - - -The next day reinforcements arrived from our depôt. There were forty -men for the company, one of whom was an N.C.O. called Langlois--seven -men for the section. - -The poor wretches were very much depressed. They had been detrained at -Bar-le-Duc, and sent off to find us, in charge of a subaltern. They -had been wandering about for three days, with little or no food. They -were worn out when they joined us. Their feet were bleeding, and in -their eyes was the reflection of horrible visions. Oh, those fields of -corpses! And the smell! Several of them were sick once more at the mere -recollection of it. Or again, in other places--those bodies buried in -haste--the arms and feet sticking out of the ground! And then, on the -second evening they had suddenly found themselves in the firing line. -Bullets whizzed past their ears--Zzp, Zzp--and shells surrounded them. -Several of their men had already been killed. - -It must be added that these men left F---- five days before under -a gloomy impression. News had just got through of our regiment of -regulars who since the very beginning had been fighting a few miles -away from us, though we had never come across them. And what news it -was! Leaving Longuyon on the morning of the 21st, engaged that evening -at Ethes, and thrown back on Tellencourt, they had been, so to speak, -volatilised, during those two days. Their losses had been enormous. One -battalion had been wiped out and another was missing--the only hope was -that the whole of it might have been taken prisoners--the third had -been saved by the self-possession of a company commander. - -When one thought of the recruiting, to a great extent local--The -regulars! All the young harvest! The flower of the country! A great -many of our _poilus_ had a younger brother, sometimes two or three, -among these troops which were said to be exterminated. They were to be -seen with anxious eyes, and quivering nostrils, hazarding some name or -other, in an agony of suspense. Details were generally lacking, but a -trenchant reply would sometimes come: - -"Killed, killed!" - -"Killed?" - -"Exactly." - -What a blow it was. Some of them staggered, but most of them bowed -their heads and said nothing. Then seized with compassion, I would go -up to them. - -"Poor old chap!" I soothed them with a vague hope--how many of the -missing would turn up again? - -What I was more anxious about than anything else was, as may be -imagined, the general situation. What was happening? I feverishly -questioned Langlois. - -He was a school-master too, but from Paris. Playoust's set had -immediately tried to get hold of him, but he made it quite clear -that he intended to remain neutral, on good terms with us. He had an -interesting head. He was sunburnt, and had intensely blue eyes, a big -nose with a narrow bridge, and a determined chin. Besides that, he was -slim and muscular, and had a graceful carriage. There was a look of -a musketeer or condottiere about him--a look which was deceptive for -that matter, as I soon realised. He was a good sort, but nothing beyond -that. His intelligence was limited. - -During his weeks at the depôt everything seemed to have rolled off him, -like water off a duck's back, without making the faintest impression. -He was eager for news, no doubt, but he was far from attaching to it -the tragic and capital importance which clothed the least occurrence in -this hour of our history. - -It was disappointing and exasperating to me. I would have given a -lot to meet Fortin and have a talk with him. We had just heard that -he had become a humble private again, and was with the reinforcement -detachment. - -However, I set about extracting all the news from Langlois, bit by bit, -and finished by attaining my end. - -To begin with, the period of optimism had continued. The enemy had -been intercepted on the Meuse, and at Liège, Namur, and Dinant. Our -offensive was developing at Mulhouse and towards Morhange. That had -gone on until Friday, the 21st. That day's _communiqué_ still gave a -favourable picture of the situation. There were two shadows on it, -however: the day was described as having been "less fortunate" in -Lorraine, and the occupation of Brussels. The next day, there was -nothing very new. A huge battle was going on. The guns were talking. - -Complete silence for two days. On the third--it was Tuesday--the -_communiqué_ announced, in terms very flattering to our troops, that -the attack had had no decisive results and that we had fallen back on -our covering positions. The casualties were heavy on both sides. One -paper claimed to see a second Valmy in the engagement. - -But since then things had been going from bad to worse! To how great -an extent? I pressed Langlois, and implored him to try and recall the -smallest details--the text even of the bulletins. We were holding -out? Apparently. Towards Nancy our luck seemed to be re-establishing -itself. In the North? Oh. Langlois admitted that he really knew nothing -about the North. I pretended to be as calm as possible in order to -encourage him. Come along! The daily reports? What did they point to? -They were perplexing--"The English have lost a little ground on our -extreme left...." "We have had to bring our line slightly farther -back...." What else? Ever since the day following "Charleroi" they -had talked of German patrol parties venturing right up to near Douai -and Valenciennes. A note which had an official twang about it had -appeared on this subject. There was no cause for alarm! Merely isolated -instances! That was all very well! But the same day we read in the -socialistic manifesto that "Our richest and most cultivated regions are -invaded." - -"And what about the Russians?" I asked. "Haven't they come in yet?" - -"Yes--things are going all right down there apparently." - -There were no details, of course. - -The detachment had left F----, Langlois continued, at midday on the -29th,--the Paris dailies had just arrived. - -This time there was a _communiqué_ which was undeniably odd. Even he -had been startled. He quoted the exact text: "_The situation on our -front, from the Somme to the Vosges, is exactly the same to-day as it -was yesterday._" - -From the Somme to the Vosges! It was my turn to get a shock. What! Then -the Huns were at Amiens! Yes, everything went to prove it. Even nearer -perhaps? They had heard a rumour on their train journey, of sanguinary -engagements at Bapaume and at Peronne. Other reports were circulating. -Soisson and St. Quentin were said to have been cut off, the Compiègne -forest on fire. - -I would not believe it all. I clung to the _communiqué_ of the 27th. -But in any case it was a terrible awakening. Even Guillaumin, who -joined us, was not incredulous, for once. An orderly had just confirmed -the news of the investment of La Fère. We put this fortress down as -being about half-way between the frontier and Paris. Was the capital in -danger? Not yet, after all! We pictured a huge force barring the way to -the intrenched camp. - -What worried me most was public opinion which, with us, is so nervous -and impressionable. There was good reason to be calm about the morale -of the army. But the departments in the background. We were given a -gloomy reflection of the spirit reigning there now.... - -And the government especially? I had a vague dread of some faltering, -some lack of real energy in this coterie of middle-aged _bourgeois_, -who had grown up amid the dejection which had followed the defeat, and -had been softened by forty years of enjoyable egoism. Would they hold -out? What did we know of it? We had got no more letters since the game -had been played and lost in the North. - -Certain facts which I learnt from Langlois were not calculated to -reassure me. The cabinet had been modified! Socialists in the Ministry. -If it should mean the road to some humiliating pact? There was still a -fear of civil war, in which France would drown herself in a fratricidal -struggle or, worse than all else, fling herself into the arms of the -infamous wretch who would speak of peace! - - * * * * * - -I kept my anxiety to myself in my continuous endeavour not to shake -any one's courage. I watched my _poilus_ with delight as they exerted -themselves to cheer up the new-comers. The Judsis and Lamalous laughed -at their glum looks. - -"Like to know wot they'd say, if they'd seen any real fightin'!..." - -They pulled their legs, inventing fantastic feats of prowess by the -regiment, or the company. The taking of "Beauclair" for instance! -Judsi often returned to the subject of that exploit. They had found -more burnt and spitted Bosches in there than you'd believe possible. -A carpet, no a pile, of them rising right up to the first storey. -Maddening for the ground-floor people of whom there was not a sign to -be seen. - -The audience was greatly tickled. - -"Now you'll do. W'en a man knows 'ow to laugh, 'e'll make a soldier!" - -Thereupon, news arrived. We had been attached to the 4th Corps again, -and were to be entrained. What for? Paris. We were to form a part of -the troops constituting the mobile defence. - -There was general rejoicing. Paris! A certain number of the men came -from the city or the suburbs, and even for the others the magic -syllables evoked endless delights. What ho! for the picture palaces and -the pretty girls, in their first free hour.... - -It opened up a perspective of repose for everyone, after so much toil. - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -THE CATHEDRAL - - -The notice had reached us at seven o'clock in the morning. At five -o'clock in the afternoon we arrived at St. Menehould, of which we saw -nothing but the station. At six we were in the train. - -Just as it was getting under way--I was looking through the -ventilator--there was a sudden panic on the platform. Employees and -foremen began to run, flinging their arms up. What was it? There -was a noise, I understood. A Taube was flying over the station. The -men crowded to the doors. We had no time to distinguish anything. A -tremendous explosion flung us on top of each other, and a certain -number fell on to the floor of the waggon. - -A bomb had just fallen thirty yards from us. There were instant yells -and a torrent of smoke. A waggon was pulverised on one of the adjacent -lines. Three men killed, and six wounded we heard. And two hours' delay -for us. - -So we did not get away till night. The beginning of our misfortunes! -We had not been going twenty minutes, when we pulled up with a violent -jerk. An avalanche of rifles and packs--contusions and confusion. - -The lantern was shivered, and went out. A chorus of imprecations -exploded in the darkness. We struck some matches. No serious damage -done. Prunelle's face was bleeding, and his glasses were broken. He -had a splinter of glass at the edge of his eyelashes. He was lucky. He -might have lost an eye. - -And outside? We leant out. Shadows were swarming on the ballast, some -limping, others frightened. Bouchut had been sent for and came up in a -fury shouting at the top of his voice. An orderly was standing in front -of each waggon inquiring in a surly voice: - -"Any casualties here?" - -A commonplace stoppage. The tail carriages had turned over, and the -last one which contained among other things the officers' equipments -was reduced to atoms, to the great glee of the men. - -"We'll lend 'em our tooth-brushes!" said Judsi. - -They were not so delighted about it, when they heard that some more men -had been killed there, four or five apparently, including Sépot, the -chief laboratory man, a good sort, whom everybody loved. - -"If this sorter thing goes on," Lamalou said, "there won't be many of -us by the time we gets to Paris!" - -The stoppage was prolonged. I got out and walked up and down for a -little while. The sky was overcast, and there was no moon. I got back. -Our train hooted dismally in the darkness, like a ship in distress. - -I fell asleep, and we started off again, and went bumping drowsily on -our way. - - * * * * * - -We woke up at dawn to find we had halted again, and were not to go on -for an hour at least. The cooks were getting coffee ready. There was -an autumnal feeling in the air. It was bitterly cold, and we stamped -our feet. It was a characteristic landscape, with its billows of bald -hillocks studded with little woods of conventional shapes.... The -surroundings of the Camp de Châlons. - -De Valpic was shivering and stayed in his waggon. Guillaumin said to me -below his breath: - -"I wonder--if I'm dreaming?" - -"Why?" - -"I thought I heard...." - -"Well?" - -"Firing!" - -I listened attentively. No, there was nothing. I chaffed him on his -hallucinations! Was he profiting by Ravelli's teaching? Firing indeed! -An excellent joke! We had left the enemy more than a hundred and thirty -miles behind. - -Guillaumin did not persist. The time which had been fixed passed by. -Then we were told that we should be there for another two hours. - -I left the railway lines and went off into the open fields. - -I noticed that our convoy was not the only one which had been stopped -there. The black line stretched away as far as eye could see, bordered -with a swarm of uniforms, and smoking bonfires. The line was badly -blocked. - -As I had plenty of time before me, the idea occurred to me of climbing -the nearest hill. I followed a chalky path. - -I had imagined that this crest was quite near by, and that I should -reach it without any difficulty. I only breasted it after twenty -minutes of breathless climbing. - - * * * * * - -A violent north wind lashed me, up there, and dried my perspiration. -A vast panorama lay before me: a series of desolate-looking humps -covered the ground, some of them bristling with vine poles, supporting -the good Champagne grapes. I took my bearings. Just to the south, -I made out the blue ridge of the more important hills, a sort of -promontory where I thought an army might have got a good hold. I -turned towards the west, a lifeless, colourless stretch of country. -The railway line with its telegraph posts disappeared between two low -hillocks on that side. - -But I thought I could make out the haze and dust rising from a big -town. Yes--when I looked harder--there was a purple phantom, the -silhouette of a building, hardly discernible in the mist, which little -by little grew more distinct--those towers superb in their grace and -strength. In my wonder, I named it aloud--Rheims Cathedral. - -By some strange chance I had forgotten that this Presence was so near -at hand, though on getting into the train that day before, I had -vaguely hoped that fate might lead us to it. - -My veneration for this most sacred of all shrines dated from my -earliest childhood when I had admired a picture of it reproduced in my -prayer-book. Abbé Ygonel, my first teacher, had sung the praises of its -magnificent harmony in striking terms. I had made of this erection the -centre round which gravitated the whole of our history, enchanting as a -legend. - -I had only once been to see it. I had gone to Rheims for a football -match, and before and after the game had left my comrades, and had gone -all alone to reflect on the faith which reared the poem of this portal -and these towers. - -I unconsciously picked up the thread of that meditation again now. The -coronation cathedral! It was there that all the kings whose names were -landmarks in our annals, from Philippe-Auguste to Louis XVI. had come, -with bowed heads, to receive at the hands of holy men the crown and the -unction which made them more than men. - -Detached from the present, I once more began to rejoice at this -glorious realisation--when my meditation was disturbed by an almost -imperceptible wave of sound--a distant echo. A storm beginning or -ending? I considered the sky. It was clear and serene. Again there -was a stifled rumble. This time I ceased to entertain any doubts. -Guillaumin's ears had not played him false. My heart contracted at the -first echoes of firing to awaken Champagne. I listened. I wanted to -find out ... the pale horizon guarded its secret. I looked again. The -bewildering part of it was that this rumbling seemed to come not from -the borders of Argonne, where we had left our trail only yesterday, but -from the opposite direction, stretching westwards towards Paris. Was -the enemy there? Could it be possible? Already barring this route! - -I had mechanically turned my eyes towards the cathedral again. What -was I seeking? I believe it was help and comfort, from thee, the -representative city,--vision worthy of exalting us. - -Why, on the contrary, did this unbounding sadness worm its way into my -heart? - -What did this proud edifice declare? The power of Royalty, the glory -of the Catholicism.... The soul of ancient France, which was incarnate -in these living stones, had crumbled more quickly in the blast of -modern thought, than they had in the wear and tear of time. What bound -us, the sons of the twentieth century, to these traditions for which -our ancestors had lived, and piously lavished themselves in such -attestations? - -Other thoughts obsessed me. Rheims, the heart of the country. This -city, which held such an illustrious place in our annals, to-day was -threatened, almost lost. How many of our ancient possessions had lately -fallen into the hands of the enemy? In 1871, Strassburg and Metz. This -time the downfall was more rapid--Flanders and Artois, Picardy, so many -treasures and marvels, our patrimony of art and land. The impious tide -was advancing. And what fate awaited these august arches, under which -our princes had prostrated themselves, the nave which had echoed to the -sublime chants of our religion? Would they become a Lutheran church -which we should be allowed to look over for the consideration of a few -pfennigs? Or was there a worse fate in store for them? I dared not put -it into words ... the crushing presentiment of ravage and crime, fire -and sword, devastating this miracle of human hands. I only know that -filling my consciousness with the gorgeous picture I secretly bid it -farewell. - -What was to be done? Resist? No doubt. But so many legions had burst -from the Germanic reservoirs. What if it was the barbarians' turn to -spread across this corner of the world? An unwavering law--why not? -France would perhaps die away--the most civilised nation, ruined by her -intelligence, by her scepticism revolting against that which had formed -her grandeur. I glanced at the string of stationary trains below. -Should we ever get any farther? Were we not more likely to fight where -we were? An ironical fate to perish in sight of these towers, symbols -of our whilom virtue, of our repudiated creed! - -It must be noticed that I was still convinced that we should all do our -utmost duty. We should merit the respect of those who would build on -our ruins. I closed my eyes. I almost wished that the hour of our noble -passing would strike as soon as possible. It seemed to me that, wounded -to the death, I might have closed my eyes, unregretfully, on my race -and on myself since we had achieved our destiny. - -And yet compunction pursued me among these gloomy speculations. Where -was my dauntlessness of yesterday? Why did I suddenly flinch? I sought -for the torches which lit up my path. A dazzling beacon stood forth: My -love! Jeannine--Jeannine! I still adored her, but what fears interposed -themselves, chilling my hope. I counted the days, how many was it, five -or six, since I had heard from her. Our one chance of happiness was -exposed to so many risks. - -What was happening over there? If there were strikes and riots, and the -attendant train of outrages? A fair-haired victim...! Would not our -future fall to pieces with the future of our nation? Or again--other -thoughts assailed me. The turgid surge of uncertainty. Had I deceived -myself? Had I not relied too much on a few friendly letters? Had the -exalted tone of my missives suddenly alarmed her? - -And then I took pity on myself. So that was the only cause of my -depression. The delay in our correspondence. But was there any one -round me, never mind who it was, more favoured than I? I tried in vain -to bring about a reaction. - -I went back into the valley. Guillaumin was watching for me and greeted -me by asking: - -"Well, are you convinced now?" - -Yes, it certainly was firing. It could be heard quite distinctly. The -men had recognised it, and seemed exhilarated by it. - -Judsi announced: - -"Boom! There now! We missed the band!" - -Primitive souls, who did not know what anxiety was. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -PESSIMISM - - -Towards midday we set off again, but to our surprise, went slowly -backwards, accompanied by the shrill blasts of whistles. The line -beyond Rheims must obviously be cut, or just about to be cut. Where -were they taking us to? - -There was a new halt, near a branch line, which lasted for an -interminable time. Then we laboriously got under way again. The evening -was already falling. - -How long did that journey last? Two nights and two days? Or three? It -was enough to make one lose all idea of time. - -I doubt whether, after leaving Châlons our speed could have exceeded -eight miles an hour. Every five minutes we pulled up, sometimes only -for a few seconds, sometimes for two or three hours. To begin with the -men in command of each truck had instructions to see that no one got -out. But as the comedy continued to repeat itself, the orders were soon -relaxed. It was better outside than in. - -At Châlons and at Troyes we found cold meals prepared for us. In -between times the men spread over the neighbouring fields in search of -carrots, beans, and potatoes, and generally reaped a fruitful harvest. -They hollowed out ovens along the line, but the train often started -off just as the camp-kettles had been put on to the fire. The first -time or two, panic ensued, the men seized the material, burning their -fingers, and crammed their mouths with half-cooked vegetables. - -But they gradually got to take things more calmly. If the train wanted -to do a bolt, let it, by all means! They'd catch it up all right. Or if -not they would jump on to the next one that came along, that was all! -There was a procession of convoys on our down line. - -The most hilarious merriment spread from one end of the chain to the -other. It was occasionally chilled by meeting an ambulance train -carrying its terrible load of suffering. We were shunted and the other -passed us. It was heart-rending, and unpleasant too, to have to stay in -the wake of it, where there floated an unsavory smell. But the rest of -the time--high jinks! The _poilus_ had taken a fancy to this fantastic -excursion. Peasants did a trade in eatables along the line. We bought -eggs, cheese, jam, and black puddings and sausages from them--good -cheer, in fact. And wine most of all. There was a great run on some -frothy wine of an inferior quality sold at two francs a bottle. The men -clubbed together and there were great drinking bouts which ended in -some of them being distinctly "binged." - -It was no use trying to interfere. The N.C. O's were giving way -everywhere. Some of them even joined in. Among our lot I at least -succeeded in putting into force this rule: that whoever felt squeamish, -should not get back into the truck, where he would make everyone -uncomfortable. It was strictly observed: some of these excellent -fellows meekly dragged their wish to vomit along the ballast for a -livelong day. - -I was far from partaking in this atmosphere of gaiety, and was, on -the contrary, bored and depressed. I did not get out half-a-dozen -times, but stayed in our truck in almost complete isolation. Chance -had separated me from Guillaumin on this journey, and thrown me with -Langlois, who was not a very inspiring companion. - -De Valpic was feeling the effects of his recent fatigue, and lay down -the whole time. Humel twice came to pay me a short visit, unknown to -the rest of the "set." Henriot was nowhere to be seen. - -I have said that we stopped for a moment at Troyes where we turned off -on to the main line, Belfort-Paris. We soon saw the effect of it in -the change of speed. Two of our gay spirits again took advantage of a -halt, to rag in the fields. The train started off at full speed without -whistling. We did not see them again until two days later. - - * * * * * - -We arrived at Pantin at night. The men's persistent gaiety made me -singularly cross, and I was much relieved when the captain lost his -temper and exacted silence. We detrained in pitch darkness. All the -lamps in the station had been put out for fear of Taubes and Zeppelins. - -I longed and feared to learn what turn things had taken. I questioned a -foreman who confided in me: - -"You're lucky, you're the last to arrive! To-morrow the system won't be -working. It's already cut at Meaux." - -They hurried us along the platform, weighed down like human live-stock. -On leaving the station we turned into an unlighted avenue, and marched -for half an hour or fifty minutes. - -The men demanded a halt. - -Everyone was so firmly convinced that we were being brought back to -rest here. We would have given anything to lie down, if only on bad -straw. Our backs were sore all over from those seventy-six hours in the -train. - -The streets were deserted. At long intervals there was a sentry, or -patrol-party. We went on, half dozing. With my head nodding, I urged -myself on to certain arguments, which were comparatively reassuring. -Don't throw the helve after the hatchet. A besieged town is not a -captured town. Paris, in 1870, had held out for more than four months. -The defensive works in those days did not approach those of to-day. - -Henriot was walking beside me. I unbared my thoughts to him. He -retorted: - -"Oh rot! They'll get in as easy as look at it!" - -"Do you really know anything definite about it?" I asked, a little -nonplussed. - -"I know as much as everyone else! Nothing's ready. The forts in the -west are not worth a pin. They won't hold out any more than those at -Namur!" - -He added: - -"And then you know, when we no longer think of anything but defending -ourselves...!" - -There were two lanterns in the middle of the road, and forms coming and -going. It was an intrenching party--some Zouaves digging a piece of -trench, and a machine-gun was pointed there. - -Judsi turned round. - -"A bit beforehand, ain't they?" - -Their zeal was rather overdone! That was the general impression. I, on -the contrary, felt that it might come in useful no later than to-morrow. - -I repeated to myself Henriot's half-finished remark, "When we no longer -think of anything but defending ourselves...!" And I followed the -thought to its conclusion. I remembered the teaching of my military -education, a certain crude phrase in the regulations, "A passive -defensive is doomed to certain defeat!" - -Pray what were we doing but running to shut ourselves up in a camp? How -many sad precedents there were for that? Metz, Port Arthur, Adrianople -... I recalled the changed attitude of those of my companions who -were capable of reasoning. De Valpic, prostrate. Was it due only to -weariness? Guillaumin was taciturn and reserved, and the officers -silent. The captain? We had seen very little of him--once or twice -gloomily gnawing his moustache. What baleful influence was in the air? -I was suddenly suffocated by it. - -Where were they taking us now? It was Prunelle who put us on the -track. He recognised the country, it was in the neighbourhood of -Neuilly-Plaisance. There was a tiny village there where he went every -Saturday evening, and quite near by, a topping place for fishing. May I -be hung if he did not begin to prate of perch and roach? - -There was a halt at last. I took a turn. A shadow was silhouetted in -front of me: - -"Sergeant!" - -"Who goes there?" - -Oh, I recognised him.... - -"That you, Donnadieu?" - -It was my corporal, the voluntary casualty of Mangiennes! - -"I've come back, Sergeant," he said. "Sergeant...." - -He stopped, choking.... - -"Did you tell the others?" - -"Tell them what?" - -"How I ... was wounded?" - -"No." I replied coldly. "I told no one." - -My glance mechanically sought his hand. He explained: - -"Two fingers gone, that's all! I've asked them not to discharge me, as -I can hold my rifle! I've been waiting for you here for two days...." - -He began again: - -"Sergeant, I was watching for you ... I wanted to see you before the -others ... because ... because...." - -He swallowed: - -"If the thing had got about ... I should have put a bullet through my -head!" - -His tone was abrupt, and sincere. A man who would recover himself. Why -could I not find a hearty word for him? - -"Where were you looked after?" - -"At the field hospital.... A dozen or so out of the company were there." - -"Do you know what became of...?" - -He read my thoughts.... - -"Sergeant Frémont?" - -"Frémont, yes?" - -"He died ... in two days. They couldn't move him." - -I left him. Little Frémont dead! It seemed impossible, and yet I had -foreseen it. The tragic destiny weighed on us all! Again I saw him, -this comrade of my youth, seated on the bench in the garden, beside his -love, with the clear eyes.... - -I went back to my companions. Guillaumin and De Valpic were together, -and Humel not far away. I called him, and told them the sad news, in an -under-tone. - -"It's quite certain then?" - -Humel fixed his eyes, in which I read anxiety and terror, on me. Poor -boy! He, especially, needed a comforting word. I could not furnish it. -We were all four silent. - -Then De Valpic tried to dispel the gloom, by referring to some incident -or other on the journey. He adopted a joking tone. But his strength -failed him, his cough put an end to his story. And the order came to -start again. - -We met again during the next halt. No one had the heart to say a word. -Each one of us felt capable of mastering his own distress, but if they -all came to be fused and strengthened by each other, there would be -nothing for it but to sob.... - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER - - -We were billeted in a school, a pleasant change after the wretched -holes we had been given in Argonne. I slept until it was broad daylight. - -When I awoke, our _poilus_ had been up for a long time. Judsi was -parting his hair, and talking of asking for leave to go and see his -lady friend. I went on lying in my corner for quite a long time. I -was haunted by the gloomy speculations which had attacked me the day -before. I thought of you, Jeannine, and wondered if you were thinking -of me.... - -De Valpic appeared at the door and glanced round the room. He caught -sight of me and came up. - -"Good morning, old chap!" - -He sat down beside me. - -"This Paris air does buck one up. I'm in the 'pink' this morning!" - -He coughed. - -"And what about you?" - -"Not so dusty." - -He continued: - -"You did look cut up last night. Directly I got up, I said to myself, -now it's my turn to go and cheer him up!" - -I smiled. - -"Awfully decent of you, but did I need it as much as all that?" - -There was a moment's silence, while his warm gaze probed me. Then he -put his hand on my shoulder: - -"We aren't getting letters," he said, "but it doesn't mean that they -have forgotten us, old man!" - -He had accentuated his words, with the intuition of a generous -heart. How cleverly he had seen through the almost unconscious yet -ever-present motive of my bitterness. I hoped he would continue--but he -did not force my reserve. Simply and quietly he began to open his heart -to me again, as he had the other day. I learnt that his betrothed was -named Anne-Marie, and he told me her family name too, an illustrious -one, as I had supposed. The last card he had had from her had been sent -from Laon, he said.... Yes, she was down there with a detachment of -nurses. - -De Valpic spoke slowly, in his expressive, caressing voice. He told me -what strength and stoical tenacity of purpose he had drawn more than -once, from the tender daily letter. Without this assistance he would -have faltered and fallen at the beginning. He considered that now was -the time, when he, like me, had been deprived of all news, for so long, -to stand fast, to show himself worthy of her, to put forth all the -strength which she had inculcated into him. - -It was a confidence which seemed to prompt mine, or take it for -granted, a new bond between us. All he told me of his fiancée, I could -attribute to Jeannine. Valiant children, they were both alike in their -attachment to us, in their task of inspiration. I too invoked a certain -passage in one of the recent letters, buttoned up in my tunic, where -courage and patience were preached to me, where I was implored never -to despair of happiness. Stick to it, then, by way of homage, in proof -of manly devotion. I fervently forbade myself to let despondency get a -hold over me. Ah! If only I could have made enthusiasm my daily bread. - -"I've just been writing," continued De Valpic. "Sent from here, perhaps -it will arrive. Won't you imitate me?" - -I asked him to excuse me for a moment while I scrawled a few lines. I -told Jeannine that fate had deigned to answer my prayer, and bring me -near to her.... Nothing more than a smiling testimony to our faith and -hope. - -On reading it over I laughed and said: - -"Well, if she is not cheered up by that!" - -"You know," he said, "that Paris is showing a most admirable spirit." - -"Really? How can you judge of it?" - -"Come along!" - -He gave me a hand by which to pull myself up. We went out. In the -street I was at once struck by all the windows decked with flags -flapping in the wind, the serenity written on the faces of the people -walking about, the tranquil hum. I had seen the city look like this -during the mobilisation. - -"Has there been--a victory?" I murmured. - -"It will come all in good time!" De Valpic said gaily. "Don't be in -such a hurry!" - -Bells were beginning to ring. - -"It's Sunday," he continued. "What luck to be here on a Sunday!" - -We took a few steps. It was a clear, spring-like morning; a gentle -breeze made the sunlit tree-tops quiver. A troop of little children -ran up brandishing sticks and spades. - -"Hurrah for the soldiers!" they cried. - -They had the attractive, wide-awake faces common to Paris boys. They -nudged each other. - -"It's the 3rd ... just look!" - -"My big bruvver's in the 302nd." - -Some of them gazed into our eyes saying: - -"'Ad a 'ard time, 'aven't yer, but we're sure to wop 'em, ain't we?" - -"Wop 'em--rather!" De Valpic retorted joyously. - -The passers-by smiled at us, or gave us a friendly wave of the hand. -The City greeted us, not as her saviours--Paris did not admit that she -was in any danger,--but simply as good children who had suffered for -her sake. - -The rare trams which were running, began to turn out numbers of Sunday -excursionists. A great many had come with their families either on -foot, or bicycling, to enjoy the air of their beloved suburb. Not -one of them showed the least trace of terror. They were marvellously -light-hearted. It was amusing to see the fathers pointing out the -preparations for defence to their offspring, the trenches and -barricades made of trees placed at intervals along the avenues, and -supplying the explanations in a serious or amused tone of voice. The -little brats enjoyed the unusual sight. Their eyes were often turned -skywards, a Taube was the only thing wanting to make their joy complete. - -De Valpic pressed my arm. He was triumphant. - -"Well, what do you say to it?" - -Two pretty young women, who were crossing the road, came up to us. They -were attractive and distinguished-looking. They both had baskets on -their arms, and we noticed their brassards. They gracefully offered us -cigarettes, cakes, and packets of sweets tied up with ribbons. I helped -myself discreetly. De Valpic would only accept a flower, which he stuck -in his cap. - -"And what about your comrades?" - -We called Bouillon who was passing. He was still only half-clothed, as -he had been washing at a fountain. At last he made up his mind to it -and they made a great fuss over "the brave _poilu_." - -Having stuffed him with dainties, they began to question him. Where did -he come from? From Paris, really! And what quarter? Grenelle. One of -them exclaimed that she lived in that part too. Bouillon was stammering -in his embarrassment. - -I took it upon myself to give them "Marie's" address. The young woman -promised to go and see her, no later than to-morrow, and she would take -something for the baby. - -I think that they had recognised De Valpic and myself as belonging to -their world. Just as they were about to go on their way, they turned -round once more. - -"Perhaps you have some letters to send?" - -"Yes, indeed." - -We gave them the missives. - -"Good luck to you!" - -They held out their hands to us, with a pretty gesture. - - * * * * * - -Directly they had gone, I said to De Valpic: - -"What we ought to have done was to ask them for some papers!" - -"What does it matter?" - -He accosted the first passer-by, and then went on to the next group. -His courtesy stood him in good stead. In five minutes he had collected -six or seven newspapers, of that day or the day before. We went in -again to revel in this literature. - -Our eyes grew wet with joy, at the very first glance. - -I have spoken of my obstinate fears concerning the interior peril. They -soon vanished. There was no confusion at all. - -The Government was intact, and had become greater and more sanctified. -All the different parties were working together. The alterations in the -Ministry had no other significance. It was a Sacred Union. The words -exactly described it. - -I fell upon the _communiqués_. That day's said that the enemy was -continuing his change of front in the south-east.... - -That of the day before mentioned that Rheims and La Ferté had been -reached.... That was no news to us! - -Most of the space was devoted to the enormous advance by the Russians, -a piece of news which astounded, and overjoyed us. What fun has since -been made of the wave of hope let loose by these victories at the -beginning, of the naïve enthusiasm of the crowds, and the tale of -the Cossacks being only a few days' march from Berlin? Wrongly, in -my opinion. The benefit derived from such illusions will never be -exaggerated. Our salvation was built on them and by them,--by the -fervour aroused in the veins of each Frenchman, the fierce resolution -to strain every faculty, to fight side by side, to hold out until the -mighty flood of Slavs, pouring out of the Steppes, should overwhelm -everything.... - -And besides, they were not all chimeras. There were already some -definite results. Oriental Prussia was invaded, and "Altenstein" and -"Gumbinnen"--the censor was silent on the subject of "Thannenberg." And -then, at the other extremity of this front, the triumphs in Galicia, -the occupation of Lemberg, which had just been announced, and endless -booty and trophies! - -Farther on other flourishes were sounded. There was an avalanche of -details on the marvellous exploits of the Serbians--their success at -Lonitza, dated from the week before--down to the splendid Montenegrins -who were said to be threatening Cattaro. - -What could be more impressive, too, than the firmness of the English -resolution! The expeditionary force, coming over in numbers, day after -day; Lord Kitchener's allusion to the "formidable factor"--everyone -knew what he meant by that. - -Above all, the solemn compact made by the Three Powers not to sign a -separate peace. - -And then what life and courage there was in the style of all these -articles. They would always be read and re-read for the edification of -the people. There was no sign of depression or giving way. Nothing but -a superb confidence in the destiny of the country. They approved the -action of the Ministry, frankly and completely. It was an excellent -move to take the Government to Bordeaux, as a measure of prudence. -Gallièni was to replace Michel. Well if the latter submitted, he -must be imitated. There were sober commentaries on the strategical -situation. The errors and defeats were admitted, but public opinion -convinced that further mistakes were being guarded against, was not -affected by them. The possibility of an attack against the Intrenched -Camp was recognised, but there were strong arguments tending to prove -that it would fail utterly. There were interviews with combatants, -wounded, and prisoners; noble traits, and heroic sayings. In fact, one -might say that the atmosphere was one of cocksureness and joviality. -The press and the nation were attaining to the fine temper of the -_poilus_. - -Here and there anonymous pieces of information or an article, signed -by a celebrated writer or politician, were conspicuous--all great -successes. It was not my smallest surprise. These people, worthy of -their reputation, of their readers, of the Moment! Supple geniuses -moving without effort at the zenith of eloquence. - -Why quote any names? They were superbly-tuned instruments, all -vibrating on the same note, taking their part in the pæon, even to a -certain divine flute-player, whom I had formerly admired as an artist, -without considering him sincere, even without always relishing his -disdainful irony--I was struck by the direct, earnest style which he -suddenly displayed. I felt my soul thrill in unison with his great -soul, which he unveiled with a quiver. - -De Valpic and I devoured the papers, and handed them on to each other. - -"Just read that!" - -I know quite well that we brought the most credulous state of mind to -our reading--I was even tempted to upbraid myself with it. The world of -the press was well known to me! It was turned on at a word of command. -Even in face of all likelihood and reason. Perhaps all the probable -sorrows of the hour were being hidden from us. - -De Valpic read my thoughts: - -"As long as it goes down...!" he said. - -It was true enough. They were happy lies to judge by their fruits. If -those who traced these lines despaired at heart, all the more honour -to them.... Who could thank them enough for the manly assurance they -had inscribed on the face of the crowd? Could I not feel the benefit of -their encouragement upon myself? - -My companion looked at his watch. - -"I must leave you." - -"Where are you going?" - -He smiled: - -"Will you come with me? There is a mass at nine o'clock, just near by." - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -HIGH STRATEGY - - -I was going out into the yard, with my three or four papers spread out -in my hand, when I heard myself called. I stopped. It was Captain Ribet. - -"Newspapers are prohibited!" he said. - -I was standing at attention. I gazed at him. Was he joking? In peace -time, I knew they were not allowed. But to-day! Was it a pet fad of -his? Or else were there special instructions? - -His features relaxed. He continued: - -"Will you lend me one?" - -I handed him the whole bundle. - -"Allow me ..." he said. "Just a glance." - -He ran through the first page, and was just going to turn over. - -I made bold to say: - -"There's nothing so exhilarating as that reading, I consider, sir! I -confess I was thinking of letting my men profit by it...." He cut me -short: - -"I understand, I understand you. You're a good sort, Dreher! Two or -three of you have turned out to be extraordinarily useful! I was a -little bit prejudiced against you young _bourgeois_. I thought you -would be selfish, and not care a rap about your work or anything else. -I was mistaken." - -He added: - -"I wish all your comrades were like you!" - -I opened my mouth but he stopped me. - -"I know what I'm talking about. I'm quite well aware of it. Look here, -only this morning I had a talk with Descroix and Humel. I've warned -them of one thing, and that is, that if during the first engagement -their men flinch.... Ah! I'm not going to stand any nonsense! It'll be -a case of summary justice, I can tell you!" - -I put in a few words on Humel's behalf. - -"Yes, he's getting himself in hand again, since he's had something to -do with you others!" - -Bless the man! Nothing escaped him. He continued: - -"As for Playoust, nothing on earth will induce me to have him in -my firing-line again. I'm going to arrange to have him sent to the -ammunition-train, but I shall warn them to keep an eye on him there!" - -I said nothing as I felt slightly embarrassed. It was certainly the -first time that the company commander had lingered in tête-à-tête with -one of his N.C. O's. Ravelli, who was a few yards off, must think I was -getting a wigging. I tried to escape. - -"Stop a minute," said Ribet, "if I'm not boring you...." - -He smiled. - -"And stand at ease, Dreher!" - -I moved my left leg, and smiled in my turn. - -Then he began to talk to me in an unexpectedly familiar tone--this man -whom I had thought so proud, so incapable of confiding in any one. He -told me his whole history, how when quite small he had always longed -to be a soldier, how he had been kept back by an illness, and had -failed for St. Cyr (I had always thought he had been through it), why -he had enlisted.... He loyally reported all his disappointments, and -mortifications. It was the last trade in peace time. He appealed to me -to corroborate this statement from the knowledge gained from my brother -whom I had just lost. Oh, the slow advancement, the insufficient pay, -the spirit of jealousy and tyranny...! - -He made a speech for the prosecution. The greatest part of the army was -a mass of laziness, lies, and intrigue. There were two ways of rising -from the ranks: the military school, where hard work did not succeed -except when combined with push (except in regard to successes with the -fair sex), and the Colonies. He had got himself sent to the Soudan, -as an ambitious young subaltern, but at the end of a few months his -liver had become inflamed. Weeks of fever, and a long martyrdom at the -hospital at Brazzaville had followed, and he had finally been sent back -to France with the advice never to set foot in Africa again. It had -meant that his life was wrecked--that he must grow old in the dreary -atmosphere of little garrison towns. - -His tone grew still more bitter when he described the utter boredom, -the flat distractions, the lack of any intellectual milieu, and beyond -that the moral subjection, the physical over-work. The machine was worn -out before its time, one became fit for nothing. - -I could not help asking him: - -"Why ... can't you clear out in time?" - -"Why? Because when once you're in it, you stay there. Made a captain -after fifteen years' service, I waited ten more for--can you guess -what? A trumpery bit of rubbish, the military cross!" - -He continued: - -"When I retired, I was used up, done! The time for aspiring to -something higher was past, or at all events for the realisation of it. -I was made a tax-collector. That was all that was left for me!" - -Yes, theirs was an odd fate, I thought, the peace-time soldiers, who -come out and mature, acquire lace and age, and end by disappearing -without having realised that for which they imagined they were born. - -I said in order to console him: - -"But since you're fighting to-day...." - -He drew himself up: - -"Exactly. To-day I'm fighting. I am taking risks, I obey and command; -I am, in fact, of some use. At my age, if I had been in the reserve, -they'd have left me at the depôt!" - -He tossed his head. - -"It's true. Taking everything into account, I don't think I regret -anything." - -His eyes shone. - -Of some use! Yes, indeed, this company commander, who had three hundred -men in his charge, and played his part conscientiously, had used and -not abused the power placed in his hands. It was the eternal swing of -the pendulum. Greatness after Servitude! - -He went on with his confidences. - -"You'll laugh at me! The things I was keenest about were the studies -which form the crown of our art--strategy and tactics. To handle masses -of men, and face those many-sided problems--the offensive, the pursuit, -the retreat.... I worked a lot on my own account. There are some -questions on which I don't think ... any one could catch me out." - -He was working himself up. - -Fancy holding the fate of a section in your hands! Or being -commander-in-chief on a day when the victory he has prepared comes to -pass. - -At this point a little irony crept into my thoughts and chilled my -admiration for him. What was to become of all these ambitions of a -company commander in this fine "dug-out" from St. Maixent? The idea -of exploiting his mania occurred to me. I might get some interesting -information out of him.... - -I looked at him. - -"Well, what do you think of the situation at the moment?" - -Did he guess my secret tendency to sarcasm? A struggle seemed to be -going on in him. Mistrust obviously won the day. He would not lay -himself open to ridicule. He treated me to the usual commonplace. We -must hold on, and leave the Russians time to throw all their weight -into the balance. It was a necessity for the Germans to finish us off -quickly. - -"Then you don't think we ought to meet their attack?" - -"That depends!" - -"Well then, do you think our retreat is nearly over?" - -"Ask Joffre!" - -I sounded him: - -"Some people consider that we ought to go and wait for the enemy on the -Loire." - -That was too much for him. He cried: - -"Oh, no, no. That would be absolutely idiotic. I know there was some -talk of it!" - -"How far, then?" - -He hesitated: - -"I hope some day we may be in a position to take the offensive again!" - -I looked up. - -"Yes," I said, "because at the moment...." - -"Well?" - -"What are we doing?" - -He scrutinised my face. - -"Follow up your idea." - -"We are shutting ourselves into a camp." - -"Does that distress you?" - -"I may be a bad judge." - -He twirled his moustache. - -"Really! You too, you too! You look at things like that?" - -I had him--I had led him on to the point from which I knew he would -launch out. - -"If the worst came to the worst, and Paris was stormed, there would -only be one thing for us, the troops collected here, to do. That would -be to stick in the trenches covering the approach to the forts, and be -killed, down to the last man!... For that matter I think they'd be in a -bit of a hole with our army on their flank. But that's not at all the -position. For four days, Dreher, four days you understand, their new -objective has been visible. They are inclining towards the south-east. -They are set on surrounding all our forces in the field. Under these -circumstances, I think--it seems to me--that a decisive movement...." - -This time he threw restraint to the winds. He began by explaining all -he had been able to follow of the operations since the beginning. In -a lump, of course, but how much I valued that first sight I had had -of things as a whole, at a time when I was sighing after light from -the depths of my ignorance. It was in vain that I had instinctively -put myself on guard against the pretensions of an officer in a -subordinate position. I was forced to admire the masterly way in which -he stated the facts, the precision and lucidity of his words, which -would have made of him a remarkable professor of military history. -He summed up for me, in a few words, the action in the North which -until then had been shrouded in a thick mist for me. Our premature -offensive, the strength of the German right under Von Kluck exceeding -all expectations--our English Allies overcome in spite of heroic -efforts--the enemy's wing set in motion and hurled towards Paris by -forced marches which it was impossible to hinder in spite of terrible -sacrifices--our men falling back, fighting day and night, on to the -outskirts of the capital. That was last week's balance sheet. To-day -the enemy had given up the idea of Paris, provisionally and was -applying the new principle: the search for, and the annihilation of, -the hostile armies in the field. It was a far-reaching conception. Just -think of the gigantic forces they had hurled into Lorraine too, which -had just forced us back in a few days from Sarrebourg and Morhange to -the St. Dié-Nancy front. It was a colossal enveloping movement. Our -front pierced towards Neufchâteau, as the principal German mass fell -back by Châlons--our communications cut, that meant all our forces in -the east, and the whole system of our fortified towns caught at one -haul, three-quarters of our strength destroyed, the war virtually over. - -"Then?" I said panting in spite of myself. - -"We have a chance. Will they know how to make use of it? I believe -so--First of all, our right must hold out. Castelnau is down there, -he is the only man who has held his own. Then you see Von Kluck is -clearly leaving Paris on one side. He does not set much store by the -place, only sees it in the stake of victory. That is perhaps a mistake, -perhaps _the_ mistake. Perhaps our one object was to get him to make -that mistake!" - -He took a deep breath: - -"Dreher, listen to this! If we were in the camp in force--and why -shouldn't we be?--if we had had time to concentrate several corps -there, a hundred thousand men say, which I believe is the case--if -we threw ourselves on their flank, imprudently uncovered--if at that -precise instant our other armies made headway against them--if Von -Kluck were suddenly to find himself wedged in a vice...." - -The captain pulled up short. Was he afraid of having said too much, of -having ventured too far in his bold inferences? - -He went on: - -"However, they may be tempted to keep us as a last resource." - -But he could not bear this idea, and refuted it himself instantly: - -"No, a thousand times no! A bad calculation. All the forces on the -spot, and at the right moment! That was what was wanted!" - -He interrupted himself again, with beads of perspiration on his -forehead ... and suddenly said in a detached tone of voice: - -"I say that to you, but I know nothing, nothing. The staffs are the -only judges. Are our numbers sufficient? Is our combination assured, -and the enemy's compromised?" - -An aeroplane passed by. The captain raised his arm: - -"Is it that bird that is bringing decisive information?" - -"Or the order to attack?" I murmured. - -He was silent, and I could get no more out of him but idle -generalities, but I read in his eyes, and face his approbation of my -wish, the conformity of our desire. - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -A WORD IN SEASON - - -I was in a state of great excitement when I left him--a mixture of hope -and anguish aroused by the ascendency of his words. They had been so -clear and categorical, too. I could so vividly imagine the movement -of salvation within our reach. The German right, harassed by a dizzy -offensive, no doubt experiencing difficulties in the replenishment -of supplies, after having lightly embarked on this broad movement of -conversion--with us as a living menace on its flank, well supported by -the camp (were our numbers large enough? That was the chief point), -well rested and provided with ammunition ... what a lot of trumps -we should hold in the advantage of taking them by surprise; the -consciousness of the justice of our cause, the strength drawn from -contact with our Mother City. - -I was possessed with the idea that a decision was urgent. Was not this -the day and the hour, even the minute, that historians would designate -to all eternity as that in which our supreme chance of victory occurred? - -My heart was beating madly. I tried in vain to calm myself by the usual -reflections. I could so well picture the alternative being laid before -the governor of Paris. Either to reserve his army in view of the -probable siege, or else to hurl it into the furnace down to the last -battalion. - -It was a formidable initiative. The fate of the country in his hands! -All my being was strained, almost to breaking point, towards the side -of boldness. I would have given ten years of my life that this man's -heart might be well tempered. - -I walked feverishly through the streets wherever chance led me, looking -for someone to talk to. I met De Valpic, but he was exhausted and was -going to rest. - -Guillaumin had been warned for orderly duty at the Town Hall. I went -to see him, but did not get much out of him as he was absorbed in his -duties. It was a sight to warm the heart, this string of inhabitants, -coming, each one of them, to offer to have soldiers billeted on them. - -On leaving there, I went to have a look at my men who were cleaning -themselves up and mending their clothes--a laudable care for their -personal appearance, and a way of passing time. According to the -general opinion, we should be there for some time. - -I continued my walk and extended its area. I came to a vague piece of -ground bordered by a hedge. I distinguished the murmur of voices behind -it, and caught sight of some uniforms. Someone exclaimed: - -"Take care!" - -I showed myself. Then they laughed. - -"Halloa! That you, Dreher?" - -Five or six of my comrades from the fifth battalion were seated there -in a circle, Ladmiraut and Miquel among others; Fortin, too. I was -delighted. It will be remembered that I had not seen him since the -incident at the "Globe." - -I went and sat down beside him and began to talk to him in a cordial -tone. Idiotic, the fuss that had been made! Did they still continue to -worry him? - -"Not a bit." - -He spoke rather coldly. Miquel intervened. - -"Rather not! He's in my platoon. I let him off the troublesome -fatigues." - -The conversation seemed to be hanging fire. I asked: - -"What were you talking about when I arrived?" - -"Oh, nothing much--nothing at all interesting. You got any news?" - -I was stupidly inspired to tell them of little Frémont's death. - -"Poor boy!" sighed Laraque. - -"Whose turn is it now?" Fortin remarked. - -Silence fell again. I said: - -"You don't seem very enthusiastic here." - -"Not much reason to be." - -"Oh, come!" - -Fortin gave a start, but his neighbour nudged him, saying: - -"That your opinion?" - -There were smiles. My reputation as a scoffer was indeed well -established. Fortin, without addressing me in particular, murmured: - -"I wonder if there are still any optimists left?" - -"Of course," I said. "Myself for one." - -He gazed at me, refusing to take me seriously; then said, in a tired -voice: - -"I am stating results. The war has been going on for just five weeks -and where have we got to? We've been beaten everywhere and thrown back -on our final redoubt. The amount that was said about defending the -least particle of ground foot by foot, till the last extremity! The -extremity has soon come. Let's establish the balance: Lille, Arras, -Amiens, Beauvais, St. Quentin, Mézières, Rheims--by this time probably -Meaux and Châlons; possibly Nancy! A quarter of France invaded. No, I -tell you, there's nothing to be done. They were ready; that's all. They -knew what they wanted." - -I interrupted him, quivering all over. It was my turn now to copy -Guillaumin. - -"Then, according to you, everything is lost?" - -"Oh," he said, "the men are first rate. There's nothing lost by -admitting that. They will probably hold out to the end, in face of all -hope, for honour's sake." - -"And you'll be one of the first to do so," said Miquel. - -"Just like everyone else. It's in our blood. I see our line of -resistance on the Loire, then on the Garonne. The wretched government -will have to move house again." - -"How you run on! And Paris?" - -"It's lucky they didn't bear straight down on it. They'd be entering it -at this very moment." - -"Perhaps they had some reason...." - -"Bah!" - -"All our armies on their flank." - -"Our poor armies! A lot there is left of them!" - -"Really? Look at our regiment. Is it at full strength? Have its numbers -been made up to what they were at the start? Yes. Well, it's the same -thing everywhere. All the depôts have supplied men. As we fell back -we recuperated our reserves while, as long as their communications -go on extending, their front loses in density. They are no longer so -immensely superior to us in numbers as they were at the beginning, -and their movements are anything but free. Maubeuge was not taken -yesterday." - -"But it will be to-day." - -"One day gained." - -"Oh, yes! That's a good joke, that idea about holding out." - -"Holding out, exactly. We've got to the thirty-fifth day of war. -According to the German plans, we were to be annihilated by that date. -Are we? No. There are all kinds of things lacking." - -"All kinds?" Fortin said ironically. - -"Our line is not broken anywhere; we have only wheeled. You spoke of -Nancy just now. They'd better come and take it from Castelnau! Do you -really want to know what I think? I think they're the ones that are in -the soup." - -A buzz of scepticism greeted my declaration. I continued: - -"First of all, here they are forced to take how many?--three or four -army corps back to the East." - -"To the East? Why?" - -"Against the Russians." - -"Where did you get hold of that idea?" - -"In the papers." - -"Are they to be had?" - -"If you look for them." - -I shook them. - -"You're not curious! You know nothing, then? Not even you, Fortin? -Really? Nothing of our Allies' successes?" - -He raised himself. - -"But look here, are these tales serious?" - -"What d'you mean? Their advance exceeds all expectations." - -I summed up the triple Slav offensive in Prussia, Galicia, and Bosnia. - -They seemed to doubt my statements. I abruptly pulled a newspaper -out of my pocket, spread it out, and read out the headlines of the -articles. I called their attention to the illustration, a mighty -Cossack pointing his lance at Berlin. - -They pressed round me, crushing me, their hands seizing the paper and -their eyes devouring the contents. When their first thirst was allayed -I continued in the most serious tone: - -"There's a first motive for confidence. For the second?... But you've -only got to look at these Sunday crowds. Talk to them and you'll soon -see. We are seeing Paris at her most noble aspect. Don't you realise -that we are living through the most glorious days in our history? -For the first time we have avoided weakening ourselves by political -convulsions in the face of danger. That will save us, simply." - -Some of them nodded in approval. Fortin tried to weaken the impression -I had made. - -"The papers say what they choose." - -I attacked him. - -"And what about you--what are your statements based on?" - -"I should be only too glad," he protested, "to see things take a turn -for the better." - -"No, you don't wish for our success," I cried. "Or at least not -ardently enough. You are the victim of your standpoint. For months -now you have been repeating in your lectures and articles that you -know Germany inside out; that she is powerful and irresistible; that -the future of Europe lies with her while we merely represent a past -about to vanish. Ever since the beginning of the campaign you've -been waiting, with bowed head, for your prophecies to be fulfilled. -I can imagine you warning your companions that 'that will not last,' -whenever any good news arrives, and saying, 'I told you so!' at each -setback. And if you regret it as a Frenchman, which is quite possible, -it's quite obvious that as a philosophical witness you unconsciously -rejoice. You misrepresent the reality. Your vision is warped. You -immediately look at the worst side when endless possibilities are -open to you. Do you wonder that the future looks black to you in such -circumstances? But the most annoying part is that you demoralise those -around you. I implore you to make an effort. Try to be impartial and -honest. Consider all the signs in our favour to-day." - -I continued. I was speaking quickly, overcoming the obscure -embarrassment which usually paralyses me, when it is a question of -holding the attention of an audience. I let my conviction burst forth. -I poured out the arguments I had collected in an imperious flood. By -expressing them I discovered in them fresh truth and amplitude. Far -from becoming involved and detracting from each other, they grouped -themselves into harmonious chains. - -I extolled the morale of the troops; that morale at which we all -expressed ourselves surprised, and Fortin most of all. Surprised? Why -not say exalted? Behind us the nation gave proof of its indomitable -spirit. I laid stress upon the superiority of our generals; the young -blood introduced in high places, the incapables placed on the retired -list; and the prodigious problem represented in a retreat of those -dimensions when the whole line must keep in touch, and never cease for -an instant to harass the enemy. - -I suddenly shifted my ground, and reverted to the international -situation which I ventured to depict in broad and summary terms. -The Triple Alliance disintegrated. Austria beaten and occupied in -decimating her Tchek troops. Italy, non-committal, had perhaps already -made up her mind to intervene, but on our side to save her children -in the Trentino, and in Trieste; the Balkans, waiting silently in the -darkness, like a bird of prey, for the death rattle of the first to -be conquered, to claim a share of the carcass. Turkey keeping at a -respectful distance. On our side the Russian giant only inaugurating -the effort which he was capable of increasing for months and years. -The English contributing their incontestable mastery of the seas, -the omnipotence of their gold, the land forces fed by their insular -and colonial reservoirs. Belgium and Serbia, little nations with -unquenchable spirits--yonder on the other surface of the globe, the -Land of the Rising Sun throwing its weight into the balance. The world, -in fact, in coalition against the insolent race which aimed at hegemony -without in any way justifying it. - -At first they had listened to me with a smile as if it were an -excellent joke. Little by little the incredulous curl to their lips -died away. Fortin repeatedly punctuated my remarks with "Exactly, -exactly!" - -A last allusion on Laraque's part to my reputation for "having people -on" fell flat. - -I gaily ventured on new developments. I lost sight of myself. I became -really inspired. It intoxicated me to attain to such unlooked-for -ardour. I do not remember quite what I said. I know that my comrades, -with half-opened lips and eyes fixed on mine, hung on my words, and -that for the first time in my life I endured all these gazes bent on me -without false shame. - -Our side was that of Justice, of international fidelity, and respect -for treaties, of Morality, written or unwritten. I was not afraid of -bringing up these popular commonplaces, and I clearly dissociated our -cause, even from that of the Allies. We were the only nation with -completely unsullied hands, and peace-loving hearts. We were the only -ones who, drawn into the struggle against our will, in bearing the -heaviest burden, were fighting for our very existence. I asked them to -think what the French mind meant to the world, what would be missing in -the progress of humanity in the future if we let ourselves be overcome. -We were not only defending our immediate interests, but a certain -smiling Reason, a certain completed and definite genius whose secret -to-day we alone possessed. It was a decisive conflict. Fortin was right -about that. If we were conquered again this time, we should always be. -It would mean that our name would be scratched off the list of leading -nations, our colonies sacrificed, three or four provinces torn from our -Mother-country, who in future would fall a prey, every ten years, to -the appetites of the conqueror. - -The end of France was what the aggressors wanted. To extinguish this -blazing hearth of liberty and light, to smother this ringing voice -continually calling the nations to the realisation of themselves, and -to those in power to respect the down-trodden. - -Ah, my friends, what an hour it was to strain our faculties, to -prove ourselves worthy of our humbler brothers who were showing -such self-sacrifice and instinctive heroism! We others ought to be -strengthened by our education. I dared to plead the memories of the -soil which bore us. I evoked the rolling uplands of Champagne where we -had lingered yesterday and where we might return again, summoned by the -melancholy accents of the guns. How many battles had been fought and -won there by men of our blood! They were the Catalonian fields, where, -at the dawn of our history, the hordes of barbarians already issuing -from Germany had spent themselves against the vigour of the Gauls, -the allies of Aetius. And was it not just a few miles away, on the -hills and in the valleys which to-morrow's prodigious engagement would -perhaps gain for the enemy, that the astonishing episodes in the French -campaign had been enacted, a hundred years ago! Champaubert, Sesanne, -Montmirail, and again Meaux and Moret. It was there that our fathers, -children of sixteen, the last class eligible for mobilisation, had held -out for weeks, flying from one valley to another, inflicting defeat -after defeat on an enemy five times more numerous, on the European -coalition! And we, after a long peace, well-taught, well-led, animated -with the breath of civism--should we not find a way to hurl back over -our frontiers the enemy whom Napoleon had trodden under his heel? - -I was afraid to end up with a high-flown tirade. I uttered my closing -sentences in a softer voice, as if out of breath. I was still quivering -and, with my eyes on the ground, I threw some pebbles from one hand to -the other, backwards and forwards. - -There was a silence. Laraque broke it with a joke. "An aeroplane!" -he announced. And it was a hawk! Other frivolous remarks followed. -Suddenly chilled, I asked myself whether my words had missed fire. - -I had no more fear about it a moment afterwards, as we went back to -billets--slight, striking indications--they all had more life in their -movements, something firmer in their tones. - -Fortin had murmured: "I think Dreher's right." - -We were just about to disperse near our school, when some cavalry -turned out of a side street. We saluted the officer at their head, a -colonel. He urged his mount towards us: - -"Hi, there, you foot-sloggers, read that!" - -He held out a paper, which Fortin handed to me without a word. - -Why me? I hesitated about unfolding it. The others shouted: "Yes, yes, -give it to Dreher, that's it!" - -I felt as if I were in a dream. At the first glance I understood. A -proclamation signed "Joffre." - -I said: "Call the others!" - -The signal had already been given. A torrent of men flowed in from -all the different companies. There was a bench just by. I got up on -to it. From there I dominated the crowd which was gathering round me -in increasing numbers. Soon half the regiment was there, and some -passers-by joined on. There were shouts of: "Listen! Listen!" Then a -dead silence. - -I began to read, subconsciously approving the way in which I raised my -voice and scanned each syllable. It was the famous order of the day, -which has so often been reproduced since then. - -"At the moment in which a battle is beginning upon which the fate of -the nation hangs.... Troops which can no longer advance must be killed -where they stand rather than give ground." - -Not a syllable escaped me. Not a soul asked for it to be read again. -A ripple ran over this dumb throng. I jumped to the ground, and got -lost in the crush. What intuition urged me to make a dash for our -billets? Hardly had I crossed the threshold--how quickly things -happened!--before a whistle was blown. - -Humel, who was corporal of the day, ran by like a flash. "Come along! -On with your pack!" - -"Are we off again?" - -"That's it!" - -Guillaumin appeared. - -"Off we go!" - -De Valpic was the next to turn up: "You read that splendidly!" - -I soon noticed a sort of irresolution among the men, due to surprise -more than anything else. Start again! When they thought they were going -to have several days' rest! And they had felt so sure that there would -be no more fighting in the open for them! - -Some of them had instinctively gathered round me: Judsi, Bouillon, -Corporal Bouguet, Icard, and Gaudéreaux. They were puzzled, too, but -only asked to have things explained. They asked me about the paper that -I had read out. Several of them had not been there. - -"We'll have it again for you!" - -This time I choked with emotion at the last lines. I added: - -"Look here! The Bosches think we're not worth taking into account. -They think we're safely shut up in the camp. We're going to fall upon -them in the rear!" - -Their faces suddenly cleared. - -"Good biz!" said Judsi. "Wot a lark! Lor', the blighters! Wot a biff -we'll give 'em!" - -It was like a fuse followed by an explosion of gaiety. Some of the men -were already buckling on their packs, and others pulling on their boots -and doing them up. Bouguet began to sing at the top of his voice: - - We don't care a blow! - Tra-la-la-la. - We don't care a blow! - -Lamalou spoilt his effect. - -"Wot do you mean, 'don't care a blow'?" - -They went on getting ready to a chorus of jests. They might have been -starting off for a holiday. - -Directly I was fully equipped, I went out and was one of the first -to get into the avenue. I could not master the transport which swept -me off my feet, at the thought of going into action. Of taking the -offensive again! The captain must have second sight--and the time was -not past. Our chance was intact, indeed, increased. Heavens! All that I -had hoped for was coming to pass. Let me confess my vanity, my childish -simplicity. I was actually under the delusion that if our luck was -turning, it was my reward, for having drawn myself out of the pit to -help others. - -And was I so very much mistaken? Was I not responsible for a small -share in this immortal decision? Would our leaders have taken such -a risk--it was a bold move!--if those waves of faith and enthusiasm, -which a few of us had raised, had not spread from our watchful quarters -right away to them? - - - - -_BOOK IX_ - -_September 7th-9th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -FINAL ANTICIPATION - - -We started that evening from Rosny-sous-Bois, and spent part of the -night in the train, slipping along at an indolent pace. We had not the -least idea where we were being taken to. During the last hour, the -rumble of the guns began to make itself heard. We were rolling slowly -towards it. - -The day was breaking when we got out of the truck. A lot of men had -dozed, and had puffy faces, and dirty tongues. - -There was a persistent rumour that if we stopped in the open country, -it meant that the line was cut. There was a station not far off; -Ducostal bicycled to it and told us when he came back that it was -Nanteuil-le-Haudoin. - -The colonel held a consultation with his officers. - -Henriot was rather pale when he reappeared. He took me aside and told -me in confidence that they had just been introduced to a regulation -concerning them. All commanders of units whose men showed signs of -faltering "would be held personally responsible." - -He sounded me. - -"Do you think that means that we should--be shot?" - -"Exactly! You're lucky to have a platoon like ours!" - -"That's true," he said, regaining his self-possession. - -I added: "While the first--for instance!" - -"Well, well?" - -I stopped, and did not give him my reasons. - -Playoust had left us, when we started from Neuilly. Surprised by the -sudden order transferring him to the ammunition train, he swaggered -as he went off. What an escape! He was sure to get through all right -now! We had not had the courage to refuse to shake hands with him. Only -Guillaumin had warned him: - -"Don't you keep us short of ammunition, or you'll hear about it!" - -The troop train which had brought us shunted and made way for the next -one which disgorged the fifth battalion. The same thing was going on in -front of us and behind us. We must be detraining in force, the whole -division apparently. - -It was about six o'clock when we started off again towards the village -lying about a mile and a half away. The guns boomed incessantly behind -the rising ground near by. It was only a few hours since Nanteuil had -been evacuated by the enemy. I expected the same vision of destruction -and smoking ruins which had appalled us so many times near the Meuse. -No. The houses were standing and intact; but they had certainly taken -their share of plunder. I can recall a grocery shop which had been -ransacked. The contents of sacks, drawers, boxes, and bottles, too, -formed a swamp on the tiles, into which the shop-woman, when she left -her counter--I am not exaggerating--sank up to her waist. - -A foul smell hung about. We had not been spoilt, as may be imagined, -in the way of odours, since the beginning of the campaign. Nothing -had come anywhere near this, however. The Bosches had left their -nauseous traces when they went. It was the same thing everywhere--a -manifestation of their _Kultur_! - -The rare inhabitants who had stayed, not more than a hundred all told, -who greeted us on the pavements, had only one expression for them, -which they repeated between their cheers: - -"Ah, the swine!" - -We halted for a short time at the entrance to a square. Kind women -brought us wine (goodness knows how they had managed to keep it), and -other people took us to their homes with them. - -I let myself be persuaded, but soon came back, sickened. The state of -filth in which the Huns had left these houses was totally indescribable -in polite language. It made me feel extremely ill--the hogs!--but our -_poilus_ were more inclined to laugh. - -For all that no great crimes seemed to have been committed. One matron -holding a little boy of five by the hand was shrieking that one of the -brigands had held the barrel of his revolver to his temple. But judging -by the round and rosy appearance of the kid, a stupid-looking child, -not much harm had been done. - -We started off again. Another old dame hobbled after us with a tale of -some terrible tragedy. They'd had the cheek to commandeer her donkey, -and to make it work all day; the poor animal was simply worn out! They -harnessed it to a furniture van! And then in the evening--to end up -with--they had shot, skinned, and roasted it! - -Judsi thought it all a farce, and laughed in the old woman's face: - -"A relation of yours, was it?" - -She fell behind, in a fury, calling us good-for-nothings. - -We followed a paved street, then a cross-road, till we came to a wood. -We went into it and piled arms. - -I sat down with my back against a tree, while Guillaumin and the -subaltern went off into the thicket. De Valpic came and joined me: - -"I believe things will go all right this time," he said. - -I repeated my conversation with the captain. Jove, the man's powers of -divination could not be exaggerated, but he might be mistaken in---- - -"The miracle of this war is at hand," De Valpic continued. "I'm -convinced of it." His eyes shone. He murmured: "You'll see it--you'll -see it all right." - -"And why not you?" - -He shook his head. "No. I--I shall stay there." - -"Nonsense!" I upbraided him. What was this childishness? He was no more -exposed than I was, or any of us for that matter! Why give up hope like -this? - -He stopped me. "Just think a minute. Isn't it the best thing that could -happen to me?" - -"Got as far as that?" - -"How do you mean 'as far as that'?" - -He had a fit of coughing which brought colour into his cheeks and tears -into his eyes. "When one has--faith!" he said, "it is less horrible--in -fact it is not horrible. What about you, Dreher? Have you never been a -believer?" he asked. - -"Yes," I said. "My mother was very religious. I was brought up in those -ideas. I remember that at my confirmation my one wish, just think of -it, was to become a priest or missionary. I kept on going to mass and -that sort of thing for some years; but since then--no, that's all over. -But I can quite understand people believing." - -De Valpic shook his head. "How can unbelievers bear the idea of death?" - -"There's nothing to be done but fly from it." - -"Impossible!" He lowered his voice. "For me, for instance----!" - -I did not know what to say. - -He continued: "Of course if one thought of death as annihilation in -the dark, if one thought that nothing, nothing would survive of this -substance, that one was--Ah! How dream of that without terror! I can -understand shutting one's eyes to it then. And, on the other hand, -it seems to me that to live without thinking of death, and without -thinking of it often, is to blind oneself, to renounce all broad and -free judgment. How well religion provides for all that! What courage -it gives to the dying, as well as to the living! And is not all wisdom -resumed in this: to give courage to man?--I was talking to you of my -fiancée yesterday; she believes. Otherwise would she have continued -to be engaged to me when she knew I was ill, and would she have let -me go, expecting that I should not come back?" He smiled. "I don't -want to preach to you, Dreher, but as you once were one of us, let me -remind you that the God in whom we hope is just. Because our people's -hope, throughout the ages, has been in Him; because our nation has -been the elder daughter of His Church, I believe that His hand is -upon us. Will He allow us to succumb? No. Listen! This miracle I was -talking about--at heart you expect it just as I do--if I have entire -confidence in it, it is because I believe in the existence of an order -superior to man; in a Providence, if you will, that will not allow the -accomplishment of such iniquity. Our country will be saved because -she will deserve to go on living. How good it is to fight, when one -does not feel that one is fighting amidst the cold concatenation of -phenomena, but in the conviction that a supreme tutelary force upholds -and directs our efforts." - -I considered him as he sat there with his chin in his hands and black -lines under his eyes. So he had been through the deep waters at the -beginning, when he had had to tear himself away from the hope of human -happiness. Now he was resigned to it. He was not lying when he said -that he looked forward to his certain end, which was so near at hand, -without horror. His glorious smile retained confidence in the future -beyond the grave. It was only a relative end, a transition whose -anguish was attenuated since he was sure of living again with those -whom he loved. - -Oh, the consolation in religion! This association of well-worn words -recovered its full meaning in my eyes. Nothing but faith could raise -man to such abnegation. The profound and primitive instinct, an -instinct comparable to love in its folly and grandeur! - -I was tempted, for a moment, to admit that that also was being reborn -in me. And then, no--no! I assured myself that I had been separated -from it beyond return, by my reading and speculations. This past -would never blossom again. At least I recalled the memory of it -with tenderness. For a long time I had thought myself rallied to the -quizzical scepticism of Laquarrière and his like. How many ties still -bound me to the unsophisticated child that I had been. I would have -the sons that Jeannine gave me brought up in the lap of Catholicism, -too. Neither their mother nor I would take any steps to convert them to -pitiless reason too soon. Like us they might, later on, be led away by -the trend of modern thought and forsake religion, but their stay in its -realm would leave them like me with respect for the Illusion reflected -in certain eyes. - -Guillaumin came to tell us that it would not be long before we started, -the regiment next us was on the move. "What a glorious day!" he -exclaimed. - -The eight o'clock sun was slipping through the tracery of the branches -on to the leaves grown rusty at the approach of autumn. The air was -mild and warm. Swarms of midges were flying about. We caught the hum of -mosquitoes' wings, but they did not sting. The men were rolling about -on the moss; our Parisians conjured up the delights of the Bois de -Verrières. - -We all three went to the edge of the little wood. De Valpic stretched -out his arms and drank in the health-giving air, soaked with light. - -"Ah! How good it is!" he said. "How one lives here! How one -realises--too late--that one was ill-suited for living in towns, that -one would have done better in beautiful country like this!" - -Guillaumin laughed. "A little flat, this country. It's certainly not up -to Argonne!" - -"My dear chap, don't talk like a snob. Just put your prejudices aside -for a moment, and take a look." - -De Valpic playfully made us admire the trees, the play of the sunlight -and the breeze, the immense vista on the right, over a sea of waving -corn, and down below those wooded islets, outposts of the deep forests -which, we knew, dominated the surrounding country. The sweetly named -Île de France, the land of plenty and of poetry--the most pleasant -climate in the world. Senlis and Compiègne, a few miles away--Jean -Jacques' Ermenonville gracious legends spring from this soil. Not far -off Gérard de Nerval had sung of Sylvia. - -His playfulness was not assumed. We listened to him captivated. I -tasted in his conversation a sort of funereal charm. I felt as if I -were listening to Socrates conversing with his disciples as he drank -the hemlock. - -The air was filled with whirring sounds. We had a vivid and fleeting -vision of two aeroplanes, a French one and a Taube, passing over our -heads, struggling for height and speed, engaged in a duel to the death, -both of them armed with machine-guns which crackled under the open sky. - -They were just on the point of vanishing when suddenly the German one -dipped. The pilot was no doubt hit. The wings folded and it dropped -like a stone. - -"A good omen!" Guillaumin exclaimed. - -Twenty minutes afterwards we started. - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION - - -A magnificently monotonous memory, our march that day. It lasted from -nine o'clock in the morning until six o'clock at night. Its scene was a -vast tableland, completely exposed, fields of beetroot alternating with -fields of corn and oats. The harvest had been got in nearly everywhere. -There were groups of stacks by the roadside. - -Directly we came out of the woods, we were marked by the hostile -artillery. Their object was to stop us at any price by their _tirs -de barrage_. The rumbling went on all day without a pause. It is -impossible to give any idea of the horror of it. By midday, everyone of -us was deaf. - -The diabolical jaws of the horizon! Big and little German guns were -talking. Our 75's retorted--rather feebly, it is true. The distance -must have been too great, and apparently did not silence a single one -of the enemy's batteries. - -This plain was a hell, a hell: iron and fire, every imaginable peril, -a conspiracy of the elements. To begin with, there was a continuous -flight of Teuton aeroplanes above our heads, dropping bombs of -different kinds, which fell with a muffled sound. The din of the big -"coal-boxes," the shriek of the 77's, the thunder-clap of explosions, -and the columns of tainted smoke staking out the ground. - -Our regiment went on advancing; so did one on our right and one on our -left, and others farther away. Our soldiers were swarming as far as eye -could see, a calm and regular deployment. We marched for a long time by -platoons, in columns of four; then by platoons two deep; and at last in -skirmishing order; each officer, each N.C.O., each connecting file in -his place. The silence and impeccable order were in striking contrast -with the blind fury of the projectiles. Mind against matter. - -All our men had realised the solemnity of the task. Three quarters -of them were experienced heroes, who had already fought ten times; -the rest were raised to the same moral level by virtue of their -surroundings. There could be nothing more impressive than this -sustained and irresistible advance, under shell fire, of thousands and -thousands of men who never fired a single shot. - -By a miracle, our casualties, on the whole, were not very severe. -What unflagging inspiration was shown by our leaders of all ranks! -Imperceptible, serpentine movements protected each unit in turn from -the mortal line of fire. How many times did we see a broadside of four -"coal-boxes" fall just where we had been hardly thirty seconds before, -or else where we would have been but for a fortunate zigzag! What -hazard protected us? I protest that one was tempted to bow before a -Providence, like De Valpic. The men betrayed this feeling, murmuring: - -"We are blessed!" - -We advanced at the double, lay down and got up again, just as at -manoeuvres. What am I saying? Better than that. We kept our intervals -and direction with incredible exactitude. There was not a straggler -or funk among us. All honour to these proud troops, these splendid -soldiers! They are dead--dead, nearly all of them. They appeared to -feel, in the vague intuition of their flesh, in the vibration of the -nourishing air, that their end, even if they survived to-morrow's -sanguinary triumph, was inscribed on the pages of the disastrous winter -or the fatal spring to come. There was no sadness or despair, but -something indescribably resigned and shy crept into their gait. Joking -was out of date. Judsi himself had put a damper on his animation. We -kept on and gained ground. At one point--the wonders could not be -repeated indefinitely--a single _rafale_ on our left mowed down about -forty men. We did not slacken our pace--hardly turned our heads. - -We went on in a rising tide, and I thought how the sight of this -inexorable multitude rolling towards them, like God's judgment, must -strike terror into the hearts of the enemy's gunners. - - * * * * * - -At the end of the day we neared a wood. I was very much afraid lest -the hostile infantry might be hidden there, watching for us. Those -barricades of trees looked most suspicious. Our reconnoitring patrol -went on ahead of us. I trembled for their safety. The rest of us lay -down and waited in an agony of fear. Not a shot was fired. What a -relief it was when the wood turned out to be unoccupied--by living men, -at all events. - -When we, in our turn, penetrated into it, we found it strewn with dead -bodies. What a struggle must have raged there during the last few -days! There was not much undergrowth, which made it propitious for -hand-to-hand fighting. The scene was re-enacted in my mind. The Bosches -about to continue their defensive organisation, surprised by the attack -of the rifle brigade--our dead bore this uniform. The furious onslaught -with the sword. We had driven them back at the point of the bayonet and -massacred them wholesale. In advancing, we came upon heaps of Germans. -We had lost a great many men, too, but they had cleared the way for -us. We were duly grateful to them and the men stepped carefully and -reverently over their remains as they advanced in single file. - -"Pore old chaps!" sighed Icard. "You're havin' a rest now and it's our -turn to do the swottin'." - -Evening was falling. We had not gone more than three hundred yards -after leaving the wood, when we halted. We were warned to make the best -of the position. A certain sector was allotted to us, and we were told -that we must hold it all the next day. Hold it only? Guillaumin looked -at me and pulled a face. What we wanted to do was to get on. The Big -Push was what we were out for. He urged me to question the captain -on the situation, as I was on such good terms with him. I refused. A -little occurrence which had taken place that morning was still rankling -in my mind. I had thought I might be permitted to ask our company -commander whether the enemy was far off. Ribet had heard me all right, -but had not deigned to answer. He had looked through me as if I did not -exist, and then called his orderly. That meant--what? Simply that the -captain intended to be familiar only when it suited him. I had been -annoyed and offended. I should let him make the advances, next time! - -The lieutenant seemed embarrassed by the task entrusted to him. As we -were occupying the edge of a wood the temptation was great to make use -of the resources at hand--the trees for instance. Henriot bustled about -and had the saws got out; then asked me whether there was not some way -of getting hold of some petard of melinite to put round the big trunks. -He spoke too loudly. The _poilus_ snorted when they heard him. Nobody -felt inclined to undertake such a piece of work which would have lasted -all night. And then, we were so certain to leave it all behind when we -charged to-morrow. - -Some time was lost in bandying words. We had been there for half an -hour when the captain came up. - -"Not begun yet?" - -Henriot began to unfold his plan. Ribet cut him short, after the first -words. - -"You're quite off the mark! The edge of a wood! Do you imagine we're -going to settle down at the edge of a wood--a line which is sure -to be especially marked? You wouldn't have a man left. Take two or -three hundred yards in front there. Exactly! And now dig me some good -trenches!" - -"Deep ones, sir?" - -"That's your lookout. You must arrange that. Let your men do the best -they can--and remember that you may be attacked any minute." - -He went on. His tall silhouette disappeared behind the bushes. - -Covered by a new patrol party, we chose a piece of ground of the -length indicated. Night had come. The stars shone out one by one. -The cannonade was diminishing in intensity. The long beams of the -searchlight were probing the dark sky in all directions. - -And now to our task. Guillaumin and I wielded spades ourselves, but the -work did not get on fast, in spite of our efforts to hasten it. The men -were lazy. They had made so many of these trenches in the Meuse and in -Argonne which were never used at all. - -At the end of an hour we had a ditch only a yard wide at the most, and -not deep, allowing just enough room to fire kneeling down. We had to be -content with it. - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -THE FIRST IMPACT - - -What made me a little anxious was the need for sleep manifest in nearly -everyone. Sentries were to relieve each other in definite order--but -what guarantee was there? In another hour all these men, who were -yawning now, would be snoring! - -I myself was dying to go to sleep. In view of the gravity of the -situation I encouraged myself in the idea of going the rounds every -hour. But the lieutenant came to find us and told us of his intention -of mounting guard himself. He asked us, in a friendly way, to do the -same on our side. We three between us would ensure the safety of the -sector. - -We must needs bow to necessity. I was tempted to admire Henriot; -he showed the vigilance of a real leader. Then I smiled. It was no -doubt the effect of the minute received that morning concerning -responsibilities. - -What an interminable vigil that was. The men slept like logs, -including, to begin with at all events, several of the sentries. I can -answer for it that I shook them in a way that made them sit up. - -When I got back to the picket I had chosen, I had all I could do to -keep awake myself. A helmet of lead seemed to encircle my temples. -I had a headache and felt overpoweringly drowsy. I dozed off about -midnight, but not for long, luckily! The respite did me good. - -Hour after hour passed by. It was a clear night, though the moon made -only a late appearance. The landscape was lacking in any conspicuous -features. There was nothing that caught one's eye right away to the -horizon, which might be near or far. - -It would not be long before daybreak. We were freezing where we stood. -B-r-r! B-r-r-r! I shook myself and rubbed my shirt against my skin to -warm myself. My attention had wandered. - -Guillaumin suddenly appeared. I had not seen him coming. - -He said to me: - -"Not noticed anything?" - -"No. Have you?" - -"Yes, for the last few minutes.... I think there's something doing." - -We strained our ears for a few thrilling seconds. Dead silence. -Guillaumin admitted that he must have been mistaken, and apologised. -But at this point Bouillon came crawling along in a hurry. - -"Here come the Bosches. Look! Look!" - -Yes. There was a moving line yonder, cutting across the pale grey of -the stubble. - -What orders would the lieutenant give? We went to look for him, quickly -rousing the _poilus_ on our way. They got up, rubbing their eyes, and -noiselessly seized their rifles at the order to stand to arms. - -We met Bouguet on the way, equally on the alert. The whole platoon -was breathless with excitement. We passed word along the line to our -neighbours. - -And what of Henriot? We ended by discovering the poor wretch, who had -probably held out all night against his weariness, overcome by it at -last, and snoring away with his head on his arm. - -Guillaumin shook with laughter. - -"A lot of good all his trouble had been!" - -He wanted to startle him by clapping him on the back. I objected. What -was the good of humiliating him? I arranged to catch him with my elbow -as I brushed past, and deferentially inquired as he moved: - -"Is that what you would advise, sir?" - -"What! What!" he said, opening his eyes. - -"To send word to the captain." - -He raised himself up to listen to us, and approved our suggestions. - -It was like a moving film!... That dark silent line, that line of -assailants at which we turned to look continually, which we imagined -was still a long way off. The speed was suddenly quickened. There was -a sound of galloping--which seemed quite near. I strained my eyes, my -lips opened with a jerk. I took a step forward.... - -Henriot blew his whistle. - -I can still hear the rip of that imperious salvo. A volley of shrieks -answered it from the plain, and dispelled my shudders. - -And the salvo grew more violent and rolled along the whole line of -trenches. We saw nothing further: simply went on firing, sweeping -the ground in front of us. I shouldered my rifle and discharged it -distractedly, just as mad as the others. The crash and uproar rose and -swelled and threatened. - -It did not last more than a minute. The attack was badly carried out, -or, at all events, sustained. It was an entire failure. Our firing -persisted. Cries could still be heard, but of pain now, and also the -interjections of officers rallying their men. There were smothered -moans and death-rattles. Our firing still continued. When it ceased -nothing was moving on the plain and only an occasional guttural groan -could be heard. When the dawn came we saw the stubble-fields strewn -with bodies, some of them less than thirty yards away. They had fallen -face foremost. The rest had been hit in flight. It was impossible to -go and pick up even the dying. They must stay there all day, ghastly -witnesses of the encounter. - - * * * * * - -It was broad daylight now. - -Where had the enemy taken refuge? Probably behind one of those distant -copses, unless they occupied trenches somewhere in this undulating -plain which sloped gently away. - -The German artillery was obviously anxious that we should not forget -its presence. The avalanche of shells started again with terrific fury. -Nothing but big "coal-boxes." Luckily all or nearly all of them roared -over our heads to explode in the woods. Suppose we had stayed there! - -The captain appeared towards seven o'clock and told us that we should -be there for some time. - -One pleasant surprise was the coffee, which was brought up from the -rear by Fachard and Pomot, two cheery fellows who were seen coming -along in the distance, smiling and fearless, gaily swinging their -dixey. They had had to cross the zone of fire to get to us. When -questioned, they admitted that they had had no orders. It was simply an -idea of theirs to warm the lads up a bit. And they meant to go back. -Fachard was no less a personage than the colonel's cook. His duty -called him. Oh no, that couldn't be allowed. Lamalou forbade them to -move. The colonel and his stew would have to look after themselves. -They weren't going to let lads like that get themselves pinked, not -much. - -The captain, who turned up again, began by giving the two cronies a -good slanging. A piece of nonsense that might have drawn the fire on -to us. Then he calmed down and asked if he might taste their famous -coffee, and congratulated them on it. - -Pomot took a fancy to our platoon and stayed with us. I talked to him, -but did not get much out of him at first. The thing that had struck him -most was a shell which had just killed two staff-officers. Oh, yes, -and then he had heard that reinforcements had arrived. An important -piece of news that. I pressed him--then he told me a fantastic tale -which had got about of taxis having brought up Zouaves and Turcos and -Foreign Legion men, all night, nothing but those frightful creatures -from Africa! It seemed to me an unlikely tale, but I thought it worth -spreading all the same. It gave the men a tremendous fillip. - -"Them chaps knows the business end of a bayonet all right w'en they -sees it!" - -Some time passed. I was occupied in getting our trench made deeper. The -men put their backs into it better than they had the day before. But -the captain immediately gave orders to stop the work, not to attract -the attention of the enemy's lookout men. Everyone appeared delighted. -They only bemoaned the fact that they were forbidden to smoke. - -The German shells fell unceasingly, with clumsy, obstinate precision, -a few hundred yards behind us. Part of the wood was on fire and black -smoke hung above it. Sometimes when a shell fell near the edge of the -wood leaves and branches could be seen spurting up, as at the kick of -some huge monster. - -It certainly was a rest for us. The crash of bursting shells no -longer startled us. We had even given up ducking when the projectiles -swished over our heads. The men were sitting or lying about in drowsy -attitudes. Many of them were taking another nap. Aided by a natural -feeling of indolence they ended by taking it for granted that this sort -of fighting would last. - -Another hour went by. I vaguely wished I could take some interest in -the struggle. If only I had had a periscope or some field-glasses. I -was too slack to go and borrow Henriot's. For a moment I experienced a -kind of humiliation--was this all that would be required of us? Should -we share in the glory of this victory without having earned it?--No -one, up till then, doubted that it would be a victory--and leave the -honour of the decisive attacks to those African devils? And then I must -admit that this thought suddenly pleased me. I should get off easily -and my friends too. Everything seemed to be turning out for the best. -And De Valpic? Oh, he would recover. - -Then, lulled by the deafening tumult of the cannonade, with my eyes -half closed, I indulged in visions of a tender face. I wandered, -enchanted, in the golden mists of the future.... - - - - -CHAPTER XIX - -HOLDING OUT - - -I was aroused from these day-dreams by a hullabaloo. The men were on -their feet shouting: "Here they come! Here they come!" - -I tried to impose silence on them: so much waste breath. And I was -infuriated by hearing shots being fired without any orders having been -given. - -I leaned on the parapet, but could see nothing. I shouted: "What in -thunder are you shooting at?" - -At that moment the well-known screeches lashed the air. I flung myself -down. German bullets! - -Bouillon said, below his breath: "The blighters! Their trenches weren't -far off." - -When their volley was over we looked for them. They must have lain -down. I consulted Lamalou: "A thousand yards, do you think?" - -"Eight hundred, not more." - -I gave the men orders to correct their sight. They had all been firing -at four hundred in their surprise. - -A rumour spread that they were coming. - -"Fire! Fire!" - -This time we could see them. Quite a change! Nearly everywhere, at -Tailly, Halles, and Beauclair we had had to fire at random. How often I -had cursed their invisible uniforms! Here, again, this grey line melted -into the ground tint. - -Never mind. Our men fired rapidly and coolly. The others threw -themselves down again and their projectiles forced us to crouch down in -our turn. - -"There are an awful lot of them, the dirty dogs!" Henriot said to me. - -"As many as all that?" - -"Yes. I've been using my field-glasses. And they advance shoulder to -shoulder, looking as if they meant to swamp everything." - -"Oh, well, we're here!" I said. But I glanced at our sparsely covered -line. Had we reserves anywhere! It was to be hoped so, but until -further orders, we had only ourselves to count on. - -The enemy was gaining ground. However, discipline had soon been -established among us. Each time the hostile mass moved, we "loosed off -a belt." Everyone was cool and collected, no more panic like there had -been at Mangiennes. Each _poilu_ was determined to get the most out of -the good Lebel in his hands. - -I went up and down, warning them not to waste ammunition. I watched -Corporal Donnadieu for a few minutes. How would he manage with his -mutilated hand? Well, he used nothing but his left hand to rest his -rifle on. It grazed one of the stumps and forced him to stifle an -exclamation of pain. He did not lose a single second in firing and -recharging in spite of his puckered forehead and clenched teeth. - -"Good for you, old chap," I said. - -He did not answer, but his eyelashes fluttered. - -Our trench lacked depth, the firing-steps were missing--a grave cause -of fatigue. I reproached myself bitterly for our slackness the day -before. If only we had taken the trouble to dig a little bit deeper, -to fetch wood, and arrange loopholes. - -The Bosches manoeuvred skilfully. Some of them crouched down and -facilitated their comrades' advance by firing. Then they took their -turn at advancing while the others protected them. - -There was nothing for us to do but to fire. Fire without ceasing -for an instant, even under a hail of bullets. The men had realised -this sanguinary obligation. There was no need for leadership. It was -splendid to see them, taking aim without hurrying themselves over it, -under the deadly torrent. The casualties began immediately. Trichet was -the first to fall with a hole through his neck. A machine-gun of theirs -had just begun to talk, and things were looking black in other ways. -The shells which, for a long time, had been negligible, now began to -find the range in the most alarming manner. The ground shook. Three men -in No. 2 platoon had their heads taken off at a blow. - -The enemy was drawing nearer, and was not more than about four hundred -yards away now. I confess I was extremely miserable. Another quarter of -an hour and they would be within charging distance. We should have to -meet this human avalanche and we should not be one to their five. - -I almost formed the cowardly wish that we might retire without waiting -any longer. How agonising it was. We should certainly never be strong -enough to withstand them. A wave of irritation rose in me against our -artillery which was incapable of intervening at the right moment, -having been completely annihilated by the heavy German batteries, -and also against the superior military authorities who gave us no -support. And I was paralysed by a sudden fear. We were using a lot -of cartridges. Suppose our supplies were to give out! Playoust would -be sure to be stopping ever so far behind with his waggons. What a -ridiculous idea it had been to entrust him with that work. - -The sight that gave me new strength just as I was feeling inclined to -give way, and on the point of being false to all that I was and wished -to be, was the attitude of the men. I can see them now taking aim and -recharging, with their manly, straightforward, earnest faces. There was -no confusion. They made admirable practise, their rifles leaping to -their shoulders, or falling again in good earnest. What moral strength -they showed! What a genius for resistance! How much their nerve had -improved, and their courage increased during the last four weeks! It -seemed to me that their virtue was, in part, my work, that my attempts -at patient, serene exhortation were bearing their fruit. How grateful I -was to them, my brothers. They were returning my lesson--not to argue, -but to fight. To fulfil one's obscure duty. They were right. After -all if we were to be killed at this spot in accordance with a higher -scheme; if success were only to be won at this price! - -The enemy were no longer making any progress. They had got to the point -after which any further advance under fire is merely an act of heroic -folly. Our losses were not very great--only two killed in the platoon -and four or five wounded, among them Bouguet, who, with a shattered -arm, had distributed his rounds of ammunition, and was standing up -boldly and reporting on the slightest movements of our adversaries. - -The Bosches had been badly cut up. We felt as if we were at a short -practise range. After having fired at the mass as a whole for a long -time we were now choosing our target. I remember a great lout who was -running with large strides ahead of his companions. He got exactly into -my line of fire. It was his destiny. I took aim, but he threw himself -down in the stubble. I was patient enough to keep my rifle pointed at -the spot where he had disappeared--it was a risky thing to do as the -bullets were whistling round me. I waited anxiously for him to get up. -He delayed and delayed. At last he moved. Then I pressed the trigger. -Tac! My shot carried and he fell. - -I shut my eyes, feeling strangely giddy. Yes. After five weeks' -fighting, he was the first victim definitely attributable to me. -Heavens! My inborn gentleness and that of my education were to end in -this--in taking life! I had killed a man. A man with a mother and a -wife. That handsome fellow. I thought of my friends in Thuringia, of -Otto Kraëmer, sturdy and gentle. - -"Wake up! What in the world are you thinking of?" said Bouillon, who -was standing beside me. - -I shook myself and took my sight again. It was all part of the war. He -was one of those who had massacred my brother. It was a case of killing -or being killed--him or me! - -For a long time we prevented them from moving. We saw the horde get up -in a flock and dash forward twenty times or more. At the same instant -we met them with our fire, coldly precise. Their leaders, who were -urging them on, were recognisable, not so much by their uniform as by -their movements. Many of them were hit and the ardour of the troops -diminished. They were well-drilled infantry, but they lacked keenness. - -We lost all interest in everything but this narrow strip of ground -swept by our fire. I put down my rifle which had burnt my fingers. The -mechanism had got jammed in several places and I mended it as if in a -dream. - -We did not fire incessantly. There were moments of inaction when I -tried to analyse my feelings in accordance with my old intellectualism. -I came to grief over it. My ideas got blocked, and I gripped the trail -of my Lebel, my one object in existence. One thought alone subsisted in -the void of my brain, and I clung to it. Those men must not be allowed -to take another step in our direction. - - * * * * * - -All notion of time was lost again. I remember that I looked for the sun -in the sky. It was shining a long way from the point at which I had -expected to find it. My wrist watch had stopped, the glass was broken. - -From time to time Guillaumin came to look me up and make some remark -such as "Hot work, what!" - -This time he leant towards me and said something which I could not -quite catch. I got him to repeat it. - -"What?" - -Ah. Now I understood. How many rounds had my men got left? - -"Mine have about fifteen," he said. - -"About the same here, too." - -We looked at each other. I murmured: "And what about the replenishment." - -"Ssh!" - -He put his finger to his lips. As if the men had not noticed the -imminent penury! Several of them had applied to Lamalou for some of his -share. - -Luckily the enemy's fire was weakening equally. Both sides were drawing -breath. The Germans' heavy artillery never paused for an instant. The -explosions of enormous "Jack Johnsons" barked all round us. One of -them, which fell less than twenty yards away, dug a hole of ten feet -and filled part of our trench with the earth it displaced. - -Guillaumin and I threw despairing glances towards the rear. The look of -the wood had changed completely since morning. A wood? There was not a -tree standing! - -Guillaumin grumbled: "If I could get hold of Playoust!" - -I quite agreed. - - - - -CHAPTER XX - -WE ARE NOT DEFEATED - - -How stiff I was. I stretched. Every joint was aching. I started off, -meaning to go all along the bit of line held by the platoon. - -The trench was so narrow that the men had to glue themselves against -the parapet in order to let me pass. I forced myself to give a friendly -word of encouragement to each man. I suddenly bumped into a body. -Gaudéreaux! The poor fellow's skull had been crushed like a nut. - -There were wounded men here and there. Bouguet, who had had to give in -and sit down, his face drawn with pain; and Icard, with folded arms, as -plucky as ever, though his shoulder had been ripped up by a splinter of -shrapnel. - -For whom was I looking? I did not realise it until De Valpic hove in -sight. There he was, safe and sound. What a relief! His cap was pushed -back on his forehead, his cheek-bones were purple, and he had a scratch -on his temple which was bleeding. - -He had caught sight of me, and was coming up when I saw Chailleux, our -connecting file, appear behind him. He shouted: - -"Where's the lieutenant?" - -"Any orders?" - -"Yes, we're to fall back." - -"What?" - -"In artillery formation." - -I was disgusted. - -"How absolutely idiotic." - -De Valpic exclaimed in a hoarse voice: - -"We're outflanked on the right." - -The edge of the wood sloped away on that side. - -A sudden squall hurled us all to the ground. We were blinded by soil. -De Valpic was half buried. Two yards from us a man, who was leaning -against the parapet, reeled, but remained standing on his feet. -Horrors! His head was severed as if by the blow of an axe, just above -the contorted mouth. De Valpic who had freed himself, and was none the -worse, except for feeling somewhat dazed, could not bear the sight of -it. He tottered, and his eyes were dimmed. I went to his help, but he -recovered himself immediately. - -"Carry on, carry on," he murmured. "You're needed over there." - -I went back and found Henriot feverishly repeating: - -"Now, don't let's lose our heads." - -"It's a good job we're going to hook it," Guillaumin said to me. "We're -about done." - -It was quite true. There were nothing but bewildered, dazed-looking -men all round, with strained and haggard faces and trembling hands. -They would not have counted for much against a resolute onslaught. The -enemy, cautious and practical, seemed as busy as possible digging new -trenches two hundred yards away from us. - -I looked blankly at Guillaumin: - -"What do you think? Are we done for?" - -He began to chaff me. - -"Could we ever be done for?" - -The quartermaster-sergeant came round, with two of the men. All three -were smilingly handing round their caps, collecting: - -"Please help the poor." - -What did they want? Ammunition? Yes, a few extra rounds for the platoon -which was to stay and cover the retreat. - -I started. So some men were to be sacrificed. I put on a detached tone: - -"Which platoon has been warned for the job?" - -"They drew lots," he said. "It's to be Delafosse's." - -No. 1. I hurried along to them, feeling that I could not go without -shaking Humel by the hand. He was touched by it. - -"It means hell for us," he said. "But mind you fellows get off all -right." - -The men accepted their lot without keenness or bitterness. Descroix was -standing a few yards away. I took a step towards him. - -"Good luck, Descroix." - -"Like to change places?" he snapped, in a fury. - -I felt certain that he was going to be killed, and I was sorry that his -last hour should not see his mind ennobled. - - * * * * * - -I dreaded this withdrawal. It always means more casualties than -anything else. - -At a pre-arranged signal, we all leapt out of the trench together, and -bolted at the double, bending down as low as possible. Bullets whistled -past our ears, but No. 1 platoon retorted vigorously, and the enemy, as -I have already said, seemed equally short of ammunition. - -By a lucky coincidence, the fury of the artillery had diminished. We -reached the wood without losses. - -Arrived there, the difficulty was to slip through this inextricable -tangle of leafy branches and jagged tree-trunks. Everything was -splintered and hacked, and struck one as being the work of drunken -woodcutters. - -We had to climb and hoist ourselves up and slither down the other side, -and cut our way through. Our accoutrements caught into everything, -and the rifles impeded our progress. I bruised my leg badly against -a treacherous stake. We nearly lost our way, having had to make a -large circuit in order to avoid a lot of big trees which were still -smouldering. An acrid smoke followed us, with which there was mingled -a vaguely putrid stench. Under the piles of foliage, hundreds of dead -bodies were lying, which had been in a state of decomposition for four -days. - -My great object was to avoid getting separated from my men. I shouted -to them continually, and they followed as best they could. Some of the -wounded, Bouguet among them, dragged themselves along heroically. - -Suddenly, as I was balancing myself on a huge fallen oak, there -was a spurt of flame, and a deafening report. I was flung into the -under-wood. I got up at once, and, directly the smoke began to clear -away, looked round for the lieutenant. I had a terrible feeling that he -was pulverised. - -No, I soon discovered him, stretched under some bracken. He was -motionless. I bent over him and saw that his eyes were open and full of -tears. - -"Hit?" I said. - -He stammered: "Yes. The th-thigh. I'm--done for." - -I looked. There was a large tear in his trouser, and underneath I -caught a glimpse of--such a mess! - -I made a movement as if to look for his field dressing. Pink froth -appeared on his lips: - -"Not--w-worth it," he stuttered. - -"Is there anything I can do for you?" - -I should have liked to pick him up in my arms and carry him away, poor -Henriot. - -He made an attempt to unbutton his tunic. I helped him. He nodded -approval. I think he wanted to get hold of some photograph or -letter--the tradition of the dying soldier, whose eternal nobility -moved me. - -His strength forsook him. - -Of my own accord, I fumbled in his pocket, took his letter-case and -held it out to him. He half-opened his eyes again, and raised himself. -His lips moved. His eyelashes fluttered. He took a breath and fell -back. I did not know whether he was dead, or had only fainted. - -Another shell burst just by. Something struck my cheek. I put my hand -up. There was blood on it. But it was only a fir-cone which had been -flung down. - -I turned towards Henriot again. Our men were scattered in the distance. -It was impossible to call any one back, and equally impossible to carry -him without help. He and I were alone, face to face. What was it he had -wished to confide in me? This incomplete scene was becoming tragically -mysterious. - -"Good-bye, good-bye," I murmured, perhaps to a dead man. - -I took the letter case with me, and stumbling beneath the weight of my -pack, plunged into the thicket in pursuit of my companions. - - * * * * * - -I did not catch them up until I got to the other side of the wood. -Guillaumin was looking out for me! - -"What's become of Henriot?" - -"Gone west, I think. A 'Jack Johnson.'" - -"Poor fellow!" - -And then: - -"You'll take command of the platoon?" - -I hesitated: - -"Why not you?" - -"You're the senior." - -As a matter of fact, I had come out a few places above him at the end -of our time at the "Peloton." - -There was an agitated fusillade behind us, increasing in -intensity--Delafosse's platoon at work. - -I shouldered my rifle, and went to report the lieutenant's death to the -captain. He said, curtly: - -"You've got your platoon commander's certificate. You're senior to -Guillaumin." - -(How on earth did he know?) - -He continued: "You will immediately become acting sub-lieutenant. If we -both get through safely, I'll see that you get your commission." - -He got back on to his horse, which his orderly brought up, and leaning -across the animal's neck, said: - -"In case the matter interests you, we are retiring because we chose -to. Our line has not been forced. It's the enemy who can't hold out -any longer. Only there's a detachment of Landwehr trying to turn us -southwards." - -I thanked him with a beam. - -As I drew near to the platoon, Guillaumin raised his voice: - -"Your new subaltern, lads!" - -"Good luck to him!" Bouillon exclaimed. - -There was a subdued murmur of satisfaction and approval. I must be -forgiven for having noticed it. It was one of the great moments of my -life. - -I signed to them to be silent. Guillaumin shook my hand. - -"You deserve it, Michel." - -I only answered by a shake of the head. We started off again, and I was -thankful that my cap threw my face into shadow. Nobody guessed that my -eyes were wet. Oh, how extraordinarily buoyant, how strong I felt, both -physically and morally! - -The last barrier had fallen between these men's caste and mine. No more -domination imposed by chance or force. I was the leader they would have -chosen, just as I was the leader imposed upon them. - -This was the only legitimate, the only true authority. - -We were again traversing the same boundless plain, which yesterday -had seen us braving the Teuton artillery, but this time in a slightly -oblique line. No shells escorted us, for a change! How good it seemed. - -We were marching at a smart pace, and had put not far off ten -kilometres behind us. The _poilus_ were reviving. Their behaviour -delighted me. They marched with a will across the dry stubble. Judsi -began to rag: - -"If only I'd 'a thought o' bringing my grub." - -Bouguet still kept up--a miracle of energy. He had got his arm in a -sling. He was only sorry--no one could guess it however long they -tried--that he was not allowed to sing. - -We had had nothing to eat for forty-eight hours, and had been fighting -for thirty hours almost uninterruptedly. - -Call us beaten men? Nonsense! About-to-be victors! - -Only one thing worried me. The almost empty cartridge-pouches. - -Just then we unexpectedly came across the train of company waggons. We -halted, and while the replenishment was going on, our men slanged the -drivers roundly. Slackers who had not been able, or had not wanted, to -find us! - -As for me, I looked for Playoust, determined that he should pay for -some of his delinquencies. But at the sound of his name a corporal -looked up: - -"A sergeant of that name?" - -"Exactly." - -"Well, he didn't last long!" - -"What?" - -"He was killed yesterday morning, just as we left Nanteuil. We hardly -saw him as a matter of fact. A shell splinter." - -"You don't mean it!" I said, astounded. - -The corporal went on: "Probably a pal of yours, was he?" - -"Yes, yes!" - -"He looked a good sort, and an amusing fellow, I should say, wasn't -he?" He insisted. - -"One of the best?" - -"A ripper!" - -A posthumous reconciliation! - - * * * * * - -The halt here was prolonged. Coffee was made. The sun set in -fiery splendour. Our arms were piled up at a short distance from a -cross-road. The traffic there was intense: waggons, lorries, and -batteries. We drew each other's attention to four armoured motor -machine-guns, which were the object of a great deal of curiosity. They -were the first in use, I believe, and were going southwards. - -In the growing gloom, Guillaumin pointed out De Valpic to me, deep -in conversation with an officer in the Dragoons. When the latter had -hurried on, our friend came back to us. - -"I've just seen my cousin De Montjezieu. It's ripping the way one comes -across people!" - -"Any news?" - -"Yes--interesting too." - -We looked up anxiously. - -In a few words he repeated the information he had just received. It was -this. We were engaged in what might be called the second battle of the -Ourcq, for there had been another fought and lost, between the 4th and -7th, by the plucky divisions of reservists from the Paris garrison. The -great object of the Staff had been to collect a large army of fresh men -to place in the hands of the Commander-in-Chief, the 7th Army Corps -coming from Alsace, the 4th--that was ours--and then the divisions -from Africa which had just disembarked at Marseilles. (So there was -some truth in Pomot's tales, I thought.) With all those combined we -should pull it off. We had been withstanding the pressure brought to -bear on our weakest point all that day. Now we were going to take the -offensive. If we managed to pierce their line...! From a certain thrill -in his voice I imagined that that was not all. - -"What? What more do you know? Out with it!" - -De Valpic hesitated for a moment: "And the decisive attack, the Big -Push, is to come off to-night, according to my cousin!" - -"Do you believe it?" - -Guillaumin yawned. "I say, they're not counting on us, I hope!" - -"Why?" I said, sharply. - -"We've done our bit!" - -"That's no reason!" - -"I'm sleepy." - -"Get down to it, old chap. We'll wake you in time for the fun." - -He lay down in the ditch. The night reigned. Searchlights swept the -heavens. There was an occasional star-shell, and firing all the time. A -fresh breeze got up. - -Some time slipped by. We were all, or nearly all, dozing. That vague -fusillade in the distance would have been enough to upset us. But -suddenly without a whistle, without a call, everyone was on his feet. -The echo of a bugle-call was borne to us on the wind, coming from -several miles away--impressive, rousing notes. The solemn sound of the -Charge. Each man seized his arms ready to rush forward. - -But it was not to be. The captain came by: "Our turn will come, lads. -Go on resting for the present--sleep, if possible!" - -He certainly had us well in hand. Those few words from him were enough. -The men lay down in the grass again, wrapping their greatcoats round -them, and it was not long before they were sound asleep. Stars were -shining in the calm sky above us. - - - - -CHAPTER XXI - -THE CULMINATION - - -"Up you get, sir!" - -"What, what!" - -Guillaumin was in front of me, smiling and swinging a lantern. -Half-joking, he repeated: "I think we're in for it, sir!" - -I got up. Shadows were moving round us. The sharp air stung. The night -was clear but moonless. I asked what time it was. Three o'clock. - -I immediately had a pleasant surprise. That form on the road--"Humel!" -I dashed at him. "Hulloa, my boy! So you got through!" - -"By jove! It was a bit of luck," he acknowledged. - -I hungrily clamoured for details. - -He explained: "You see, as long as we stayed in the trench, things went -all right. We managed to hold the Bosches. They weren't particularly -keen to face the bayonet. But at night we had no more ammunition. The -men got unstrung and wanted to do a bunk. Delafosse opposed it--as you -may imagine. Some of them began to slope off. The lieutenant made up -his mind to it, and we followed them. But the Bosches got wind of it -and opened fire at us. That's when we got cut up--not one out of four -got away." - -"The lieutenant?" - -"Knocked out, disappeared." - -Another name was on the tip of my tongue. - -Humel understood, and lowered his voice! "Descroix? He stayed behind, -too." - -I, in my turn, told him of Henriot's death, and about Playoust. I saw -his forehead wrinkle. He said nothing. I took his arm. - -"Well, we're here!" - -"Not for long," he murmured, downheartedly. - -"Yes! Yes! I swear that you, you, you understand, will get through!" - -What did I know of it? But I had said it with such assurance that I -felt it had given him new heart. - -There was a short whistle--the captain calling up the N.C. O's. - -"Well, my friends," he said, "we have been complimented on our -resistance the other night, and up till four o'clock yesterday in front -of the Montrolle woods. Apparently we did not do badly!" He waited for -a minute. "That is not all. We are asked, or I should say commanded, to -intervene again. A great honour for the regiment!" - -We were all hanging on his lips. - -"Mind you remember this date," he said, "in case we come back. This -is the night, the 9th to the 10th, that the battle is to be won. We -are attacking all along the line, and I think I may be allowed to -tell you, in confidence, that some of our comrades alongside have -just entered Silly-le-Long. At the other extremity the Zouaves have -taken Lizy-sur-Ourcq. The enemy is apparently still in possession of a -little hill near here. What we've got to do is to oust them from it." -His voice trembled. He must have been trying to find a last word of -encouragement. Not succeeding, he added: "We start in five minutes!" - -A remark not lacking in eloquence. - -I joined De Valpic in the darkness. His cough had made me aware of his -presence. - -Guillaumin, who ran against us, said, in a joking tone: "Well, if we -aren't polished off this time!" And then, a little more gravely: "If -only it's of some use." - -"Do you doubt it?" - -"I? What do you think? I wouldn't change places. Those who have missed -this----" - -He rummaged in his pocket, pulled out a sou, and threw it into the air! -"Heads we win!" - -"And if it's the reverse?" - -"A reverse for the Bosches!" - -He hunted about in the dark. - -"Can't you find it?" - -"It never fell. It went straight up into the sky! The best sign of all." - -We did not touch upon any more serious topics. We assembled, and -started off. De Valpic left us to join his platoon. - -"Good-bye." - -We shook hands. We were never to see him again. - -The most complete human friendship had drawn us together during the -last fortnight. - - * * * * * - -We marched along a road in silence for half an hour. Then we extended -into the fields, like mute armed phantoms, the noise of our footsteps -absorbed by the ground. - -For the first time I had taken my place at the head of my platoon. My -eyes searched the darkness. I regulated our pace by the captain's, -whose tall silhouette stood out against the blackness. I formed only -one wish which was this: that our intervention might have a decisive -quality. A wish which resembled a prayer. I implored, I don't know what -God, to grant me the good fortune to be a hero. - -The ground was rising in a gentle slope. We were guided towards the -east by a pale transparency, herald of the day. In that direction lay -the enemy; the enemy whose sentries no doubt had orders to fire upon -all suspicious objects. The first bullets would be for me. I did not -think of them or fear them. The fifty men behind me, who would act as I -acted, were a miraculous incentive. - -There was a hollow exclamation close by on our left. A sentry! A shot -rang out, followed by a second. I quickened the pace, my men remaining -close at my heels. - -In front of us, at a distance which was difficult to estimate, we -could make out a noise and what seemed like confusion. On the left an -already heavy fusillade was crackling. The absurd idea crossed my mind -of giving orders for a volley. But the captain contented himself with -raising his sword. Advance! - -Our speed increased. Charging pace, fix bayonets! Some of the men were -inclined to pass me. I restrained them below my breath. - -There was a sudden volley of bullets, meant for us, but distinctly -too high. We advanced bent double. There was a new _rafale_. This -I felt was bearing to the right, where De Valpic's platoon was. A -mysterious shock warned me that at that second my friend--my friend -had succumbed.... Mown down, this fine life. But this destiny held no -terror for him. And what other awaited us! - -The balls continued to mew fiercely in our ears like terrible cats. -It felt like the blows of wooden hammers which would pound and crush -everything to dust--("would bash our heads in"; the popular expression -just fitted it). - -I was thinking of that when I became aware of a sort of fluctuation -behind me. Somebody shouted: "Kneel!" - -It was amazing. My line had instantly given way, and thrown themselves -down. There was an immediate clash of steel, followed by feverish -firing. A bullet whistled past my nose. I threw myself on to the ground -and turned round and cursed Henry, the clumsy lout, who was firing and -firing. - -What was to be done. The captain yonder was bellowing in an infuriated -voice: "Advance! Advance!" - -I got up, waving my rifle, and shouted: "Come along, No. 3 platoon. -Show them what you're made of!" - -A few of them got up and followed me. The majority hesitated. There was -no time to wait. We took about twenty steps at the double. I had to -stop. There were only six _poilus_ with me! - -I shouted again. I yelled. The bullets were still cracking. They passed -us coming from both sides. I recoiled. The confusion was terrible. I -bumped into Humel. Guillaumin turned up bringing us a handful of men. I -remember that I asked him coldly: "How far off are they?" - -"A hundred yards." - -"Good. We've got 'em!" - -Then I don't quite know what happened after that. It hardly lasted a -minute. It seemed like a hundred years! I believe I rushed back in -search of my men, shouting: - -"This way! Come along! Follow me!" - -I flew. I furrowed the ground, sowing the sacred fire in my tracks. - -"Look, they can't touch us!" - -They were no longer firing on our left. Hand-to-hand fighting must be -going on--a cacophony. Noises which had nothing human left about them. -No doubt the enemy was giving ground. I stumbled near a long ditch, a -first-line trench, which they had already abandoned. - -I felt sure that I was going to be killed, but oddly enough I cared -very little. To-day or to-morrow, what did it matter! A thousand -thoughts thronged each other in my mind. The dominant one, simple and -sublime, was that Victory was leaning towards us. We should carry this -hill, for I could see our men wriggling along the ground to rejoin us, -and grouping themselves again. - -The light and serenity, the frenzy of it! I swear that at that instant -France was really something other than an abstract entity for me: the -whole in which I participated, which was me and more than me. Of my own -free will I was sacrificing my paltry individuality. I was melting a -wan unit into the collective consciousness of the beings of my country. - -Surprise may be caused by the fact that I found time to revolve all -these thoughts in my mind during these brief moments, among this -chaos, where I might be seen dashing about madly, expending myself in -exhortations and reproaches. - -Well, I did find time for them, and for a thousand others! I myself, -lucid and multiplied, marvelled at it. - -My resources were increased tenfold. I burst into blossom. I attained -the apogee of my power. The instant in which I raised myself to the -conception of the immense national soul was also that in which my own -spirit was expanded most largely. Nothing escaped me. I was twenty -beings. I had a tender thought for the memory of my mother; one for my -brother who had fallen; for those of my people who remained. And you, -Jeannine, my betrothed, I evoked your face and let my lips caress it -lightly. I descried all that life we should have lived together, and -tasted all its happiness to the full. I adored you, oh my well beloved! -I was certain, that at that instant you knew that I was being killed -for your sake, that you were proud of it, and sobbed for it. - -My men were collected there, lying with their eyes fixed on me, already -half raised, ready to dart forward. - -As I looked at them and counted them over, a fantastic idea struck me. -Fifty living men. In a minute, half of them would be dead, at a sign -from me. - -Gloomily determined, I enjoyed my fatal power. Did I spare myself? -No. I remained on my feet, and the bullets made a nimbus round me. -Preserved by a constant miracle, I moved among these fiery trajectories -like a salamander. - -And then, ruminating on a vague hope of living, I dreamt that a fate -protected me; that death was overawed by my temerity. - -The hour struck in the depths of my consciousness. - -I included all my men, body and soul, in a comprehensive gesture to -advance. - -Their undulating line moved as one man. Bouillon was just behind me. In -getting up he seemed to stumble, and fell like a stone, with a bullet -in his forehead. - -Then I began to run quickly, straight ahead. There was no longer any -need to turn round. Behind me I could hear that breathing, and the -heavy trot regulated by mine. We formed an inseparable block, they and -I. If any fell, their places were filled up. Twenty yards away I saw -phantoms scattering. - -"They're bolting!" - -My own voice seemed to swell in the deep-throated roars which it tore -from my companions. Living, rolling thunder! The enemy overcome and -swept away! Full of a prodigious reserve of breath, life, and pride I -was going to-- - -A-a-h! - - - - -CHAPTER XXII - -SERENITY - - -I had fallen face downwards. I experienced a sensation of shattering -and laceration. My eyes closed. I made a convulsive effort to get up. -Impossible! But where was I wounded? My head was swimming, everything -was turning round me. I was dying. - -"Your leg, isn't it?" - -I succeeded in opening my eyes again. - -Guillaumin! - -"Yes--I think so!" I stammered. - -"Hurts a bit, what?" - -I tried to lift up my head and spit some soil out. Everything grew dim -again. I caught sight of a clown's face--Judsi, leaning over me, too. - -"Carry on! Carry on!" I murmured. - -They disappeared from my field of vision. I saw another line of men -pass in skirmishing order, then another. Was my brain affected? Why did -I think I was back in camp at Mailly and once more taking part in the -parade before the Bey of Tunis? - -By some strange instinct, I dreaded being helped. I preferred to -die in peace. For I thought my hour had come, and abandoned myself -unregretfully. - -Meanwhile, some time passed. Instead of agonising, I recovered my wits. - -It was my right leg that had been hit--the bone to a certainty! For the -moment, the pain was not so intolerable. I felt as if my leg had been -substituted by a mass of lead. - -Ah! The sun! Already high in the heavens! - -I now began to wish for help, but the plateau was abandoned. Quite near -me there was a dead body--poor Prunelle--fallen in the posture of an -oriental suppliant. Farther on Gaufrèteau was drawing his last breath. - -A tree stood a few yards off; a minute rise in the ground blocked out -all the horizon. - -I was thinking, longing to find out what really had happened. I -struggled obstinately to turn over onto one side. At last I succeeded. -By raising myself up on my elbow, I was able to examine my leg. It made -a hideous angle under the trouser. The foot turned back towards the -knee. There would have been reason enough to shudder, if that inert -mass had not literally seemed a thing quite apart from me. - -I thought of dressing my wound, but my strength was not up to undoing -my pack and slitting up the cloth round my leg. - -What was the result of the engagement? Everything tended to show that -our masterly stroke at dawn had been successful. But were we following -up our advantage? And how far? If only I could have dragged myself -as far as that tree! I calculated the distance. What hope possessed -me? I succeeded at the cost of real torture in getting into a sitting -position. Now my plan was made. I must move backwards, propelling -myself by my fists! - -Oh! what a ghastly journey that was! I watched the removal of my leg. -It was throbbing, but did not cause me acute pain, and seemed as if -paralysed; mis-shapen and swollen, like a great ball, pinning me to -the ground. I was as weak as a baby. Ten times over my head sank, my -clenched fingers relaxed. I allowed myself a good rest, first after -each half yard then after each foot, then even this latter distance -seemed to me excessive. - -Having attained my end--how I do not know--I drew breath for a long -time. - -It now remained for me--I was ambitious--to stand up--to see something. -I gripped the trunk with both arms, while my sound leg stiffened--in -vain--my God! The other was pinned to the ground! - -I changed my tactics, and set about raising myself on one knee. When -I had got there, I exerted all the strength of my being, and began to -pull myself up slowly, oh, so slowly! My grip alone supported me. My -hands were grazed by the bark. - -On my feet, at last--triumphant! I was able to gaze far across the -plain in front of me. - -It was a large expanse of wild country, cut by a railway. Little -did I care for the view. What I sought for hungrily was that cloud -of dust--the men. I ended by discovering it. In the distance, as -far as eye could see, there was a line of skirmishers--easily -recognisable--our greatcoats and red trousers! - -Vloumm! Rouvloumm! Vloumm! A cannonade echoed near at hand, making the -air waves vibrate. About a mile and a half away a battery of the 75's -let off a trial round. Too short! They harnessed up again, swung round, -and were off at a gallop. - -Yonder a company of dragoons were trotting in the same direction. The -pursuit had begun. - -By some intuition or suggestion my vision increased at this point. -I had the feeling that I could see from one end to the other of our -front. On the Ourcq just by, and farther off on the Marne, the Meuse, -the Moselle, this very Destiny was being pronounced; this very morning, -at this very hour, the success of our counter-offensive; the hostile -rabble dislocated, broken, forced to retreat. - -Paris and France saved! A grand date in the history of the world! What -did it matter how long the War might last. - -I greeted the day of glory. This noble stretch of country, the -Île-de-France, stood forth before us--our adopted land--and lay -stretched at our feet, presenting a fertile appearance for our sakes. - -Preserved for the sons of my race, the acres which nourished us with -their substance of life-giving properties. I thought not at all of my -wound, of my life, no doubt in danger. Content to have lived until -this sublime instant, I united in the same love, the freed territory, -the luminary shining on my country, the beings dear to my heart; and -enlacing the rugged tree, I eagerly stretched myself up to follow to -the very horizon our victorious colours. - - * * * * * - -My strength suddenly gave way. The leaden weight became aggravated. I -yielded with the one idea of falling upon my sound limb. My forehead -struck the ground and I fell into a deep swoon. - - - - -PART IV - - - - -_BOOK X_ - -_Epilogue_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -APPREHENSIONS - - -"That's doing very well--very well indeed!" It was Bujard, the -house-surgeon, who was speaking. "If everyone got on as quickly as -you----" - -I no longer felt any pain. My gaze wandered round the huge room. It -was warm and prettily decorated--the smoking-room in the M---- hotel, -which had been converted into a hospital. My temperature was normal -again and I experienced a sensation of relief and deliverance. How -delightful it was to rest on this pliant mattress, in these cool -sheets, to distinguish the prattle of my neighbours, and the patter of -the sister's feet standing out from the subdued hubbub in the ward. - -When the light tired me, I closed my eyes on this scene, and went over -the vicissitudes of the nightmare I had just left behind.... - -My long prostration in a dying condition, on that deserted plateau; -swoons from which I awoke at intervals; that deadly cycle; two days and -two nights. ... Ah! Faces were leaning over me. They pick me up and -carry me away. Where am I? A stretcher, a motor.... Heavens, how my leg -tears me! How thirsty I am! - -In the train now, on some straw. Round me those poor unfortunates, -spectres, drawing their last breath, can they be men? But I am like -them! That first dressing in the train.... They snip and tear my -trouser and drawers; my wound is exposed, all soiled; matter and -congealed blood. There is some question of detraining me. A red-beard -opposes the suggestion, I am put back on to the same straw, in a -state of decay. The train starts again, and rolls on and on for days. -Unexpected or unknown names of stations. The feeling of being tossed -about from one end of France to the other. Oh, this heat, this jolting, -this acrid, fetid odour of humanity.... I am sleeping, or dying, -unconscious.... - -A very different period follows--Vichy. A hospital ward, this; and -the same bed on which I am still lying. Washed and cared for, I am -born anew. I joke with the sister, a cheery soul, an ex-nurse in the -expeditionary corps in China; with the house-surgeon--he and I have -mutual friends. - -My wound is certainly severe--the fibula is shattered, the tibia -fractured. I shall limp. But what matter? They have cut away a lot -and extracted splinters of bone, and scraps of clothes.... Barring -complications, I shall have five or six weeks of it, not more. - -Heavens, how beautiful life is! The Battle of the Marne has just been -fought. What inspiriting reading the newspapers make. The intoxication -of Victory; our Victory. The very day I arrived I was able to have two -telegrams sent--their destinations will easily be guessed. Jeannine -answered at once, by the ardent letter I had wished for. A promise in -it makes my heart leap. The Landrys will arrange to come round by Vichy -on their way to the South, where they spend each winter. There is only -one slight shadow--an allusion to certain worries of the grandmother's, -money matters, from what I can gather. - -As to my father: here he is installed at my bedside. - -My thoughts are pleasing ones, and linger over such memories. And -then--and then! - -A Saturday evening. Ever since the morning my leg seems to me to -have got heavier.... Thirst dries the very marrow in my bones. My -temperature suddenly rises 101.2°. When it is taken again 102.2°. What -does it mean? Sunday at eight o'clock 104°. Professor Gauthier, who -is called in for a consultation, examines me and seems put out. These -confounded leg wounds! - -More incisions, and a drainage tube is put back again, and we must wait -and see. - -What a day! I am consumed with thirst, and burning hot. My leg on fire -right up to the hip, paroxysms of suffering, infernal shooting pains. -Pus is forming in it. Exhaustion soon follows. My tongue is green, and -I vomit. I no longer digest anything. Delirium sets in. I call Maman, I -call Jeannine, in a despairing voice.... - -Those silhouettes of doctors. That consultation round my bed. A haze -envelops me ... I hear music! Then Bujard's voice: - -"Well, old chap...?" - -Halloa, he's very affectionate! - -"We may have to--amputate...!" - -From the depths of my torpor, I have understood. "Yes, take it off! -Take it off!" I implore them. - -"That's right! Very sensible!" He nodded. "A leg! They make such -excellent substitutes! And then...." - -He emphasised this point: "You'll suffer no more, you know!" - -Oh, how well he knows my weak spot. No more suffering--or fever.... - -How did it all happen? I had no notion of anything. I came round from -the chloroform to find myself in my bed. My father said to me, with -tears in his eyes: - -"That's all over, Michel, you're saved!" - -I slept and slept. I come to life again. I open my eyes. Have I been -dreaming? I should be tempted to think so. I have difficulty in -persuading myself of the reality of my misfortune. My gaze never rests -without astonishment on the fold in my bed-clothes, where it sinks down -over the stump of my excised thigh. - -Stupefaction, yes: rather than distress. I am less crushed by it than -I should have expected. What an abominable thing the existence of -beings mutilated in this way used formerly to seem to me. To-day the -fate which awaits me does not make me revolt. I smile, without too much -melancholy, at the motherly words of encouragement from the excellent -nun. I take note, almost with amusement of the sensations of itching -in my missing sole and big toe, common in patients who have had a leg -amputated. - -The secret of my serenity is to be found in the fact that my thoughts -return to the decisive engagement when leading my men. I had consented -to the sacrifice. Intoxicating moments which could only be paid for -with my life! And this last week again, I had seen my coffin open; -death flowed in my veins. Now Destiny had had mercy on me. I might well -consider myself blest! - -But this period did not last long. At the end of a few days, the memory -of my recent tortures paled. The withdrawal of this shadow robbed my -present condition of its tinge of consolation. - -There were ten of us in this ward, all seriously wounded, and operated -on under favourable conditions. The general atmosphere was one of -cheerfulness. I was soon out of sympathy with it. - -I had made friends with my next-door neighbour, a recruit of twenty, -Cadieu, by name. He was always in the most uproarious spirits and quite -irresistible. I compared him with Judsi. What vitality there must be in -a race which produces such men by thousands! His leg amputated too, and -like mine, in the "upper third," he gaily made the best of it. First -of all there was the pension. And then as an adjuster of scales it -wouldn't worry him so much as all that! And then, what was a leg more -or less after all? - -He told me how he had been hit. When he had got the splinter in his -leg, he had said to himself: "Well done! Of course you would just go -and get in the light!" Lying down in a furrow he was waiting quietly -for--what? Blimey! the end o' the war! The crackling was still going on -as hard as ever. Suddenly, paf! Oh, my eye! A bullet in the foot. But -'e'd 'ad one bit o' luck. It was the one on the same side! - -The boy had at once confided his love affairs to me. His lady friend -was a housemaid to some people of good position. Her name was -Margaret. "It all began by that there song, you remember 'ow it goes, -'Margaret, give me your 'eart.' I 'ummed it to 'er--." One child -brought up in the country by her parents, good old things. He expected -her to come and see him at the beginning of next month: "You're kept -at it pretty 'ard in 'er trade! But 'er missus' 'usband 'as just bin -'napoohed' too. She bolted off to 'im in double-quick time, an' w'en -Margaret was seein' 'er orf at the station, she up and told 'er that -'er boy was knocked out, too, and blowed if the lidy didn't feel sorter -touched by it, and offered 'er a fortnight's 'oliday!" - -His outpourings at an end, Cadieu, seeing I was still depressed, -watched me out of the corner of his eye. - -"And wot abaht you? An' your sweet'eart?" he said to me one day. - -I smiled. "Not married, old chap, or attached in any way. No, -seriously!" - -How much to the point his guess had been, though! - -O Jeannine! Sleeping and waking I had thought of my love. The other -week her fair image presided over my revival. It was with my heart -dedicated to her that I had put myself into the hands of the surgeons, -and when I had opened my eyes again, amid the giddiness and sickness, -it was the light of her face that had been the first thing to pierce -the veil of my torpor. - -I have said that I had telegraphed, that I had received a reply. But -since then, what a striking change there had been. On the threshold -of a new era, I tremblingly encouraged myself not to mistrust her. I -remember the tone in which De Valpic had spoken of his unchanging love, -when just on the point of death. - -I waited to write to her until I had recovered my strength to a certain -extent. A week! How long the time must seem to her. A second letter -came from her. She demanded news.... What a piece of news I had to -announce to her! - -I made up my mind to it, however. - -My first sentence revealed everything to her. It was a mutilated man, -I told her, who was tracing these lines to her.... I stopped short, -and turned over to bury my head in my pillow. Tears rose to my eyes! -Then I recovered myself. I so much wanted this letter to appear a -normal continuation of the others. When I re-read it, I was struck by -the deadly heart-break depicted in it, in spite of myself! I was on -the point of tearing the pages to pieces. I stayed for a long time, -balancing them in my hands. Then I finally decided to slip them into -the envelope; my salvation lay entirely in the pity I should inspire. - -Some days passed by in boredom, and overwhelming anxiety, the reason -of which I now forbade myself to specify. I tried in vain to distract -my thoughts. My father read the papers aloud to me--those around me -profited by it. With the monotonous delivery of an officer giving the -order of the day, he sometimes stirred us all in pronouncing the word -Victory. He had to take off his glasses which were dimmed. - -But the Press no longer reflected the same enthusiasm evinced for the -"Battle of the Marne." The thankless battle of the Aisne was dragging -on, and becoming endless. We began to feel that the enemy would hold -out for a long time on this stolen territory. There was heavy fighting -going on in the North. Our left and the German right struggling to -outstrip each other in their race for the coast--fierce cavalry -encounters round Aire and Hazebrouck.... And there were already -sinister rumours abroad concerning the probable fate of Anvers. - -I bore myself a grudge for not being more thrilled. I urged myself to -lose sight of my individual misery, in order to continue in communion -with my noble nation. I tried hard to do it, but my efforts were in -vain! - -An epistle from Guillaumin reached me. He was safe and sound, and -was anxious to be reassured on my account. His letter contained some -details. Yes, poor De Valpic had fallen. His body had been identified, -and was reposing in hallowed ground, beneath a cross. The platoon -had been reduced to half its strength the day after Nanteuil, but -reinforcements had arrived during the following days. They had been -engaged over and over again since then, and were fighting nearly every -day; yesterday again at Guennevières. They did not forget me in all -that! Guillaumin enclosed in his letter a joint card signed by each -_poilu_. One shaky scrawl was from the hand of poor Donnadieu, hit by a -splinter in the abdomen, and who, so my friend told me, had succumbed -during the night. - -Who would believe that I put off answering him. And, for that matter, -my sister-in-law, too, who had sent me several affectionate missives. -Sometimes it was enervation which tortured me, as I lay there, -sometimes a gloomy atony. - -Margaret, Cadieu's friend, had arrived, a pretty, fair-haired girl of -the soubrette and ingénue type. Her presence exhilarated my neighbour -to such an extent that our corner was one long roar of laughter. I -alone did not cheer up. He cast sorrowful looks at me, and the girl -took to bringing me flowers in the morning when she brought them for -her Julot. How sorry they were for me! - -And my father! He certainly would not have questioned me. But his -speech which was usually abrupt, softened, and his gaze grew more -gentle when it rested on me. I was grateful to him for his tacit -compassion, and I felt inclined to cry. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -RELIEF - - -How I trembled when at last I tore open...! My doom was to be -pronounced. My secret terror was dissipated on glancing at the first -lines. Jeannine reminded me that she was the daughter of a soldier, the -niece and grand-daughter of a soldier. From time immemorial, glorious -wounds had been revered in her family. She quoted the case of her -great-uncle, who was also her godfather, who, in the year '70, had -been hit by a bullet near his elbow, and had soon lost the use of his -right arm, owing to rheumatism. Their admiration had surrounded him and -followed in his train all his life long. - -My misfortune, she said, had not taken her by surprise. She had dreaded -it all along. Had I not discerned her deep compassion beneath the -encouragement even in her very first letter? - -At this point her tone grew more tender. She was aware, she said, of -my bitterness and anguish which I tried in vain to conceal from her. -However, I had turned to her. She thanked me for that. She was my -faithful friend. She recognised herself as being picked out to help me -in my trouble. After all, I was alive. Wasn't that all that mattered? -My misfortune did not lower me. It all raised me, on the contrary. I -must have fought superbly. How many times a day she had pictured me -leading my men to the attack. I had been intoxicated, had I not, by all -that life offered of sublime sensations. I should not assume my former -scepticism again, even in play. What a lot we should have to tell each -other when--and Heaven grant that the day might be near at hand--we met -again. - -I read and re-read these six pages. I never tired of assuring myself of -my joy and revelling in it. My heart melted as a result of the relief, -and turned towards the wall; I wept the sweet tears which had been -ready to flow for the last ten days. - -I now recognised clearly what I had dreaded and could smile at it. -A revival of the dry mistrust which was dissipated at a word from -Jeannine! - -This miracle of her persistent affection seemed to me the simplest -and most natural reality. Since the milk of human kindness was not an -empty saying! And then one might have mistrusted another, but she, -like myself, had deliberately raised herself above the common sphere -in which men's feelings move. How little the scruples and hesitations -of average souls could count for in comparison with the mute vow which -bound us. We belonged to each other, whatever might happen! - -But, nevertheless, when the first transport was over, a vague feeling -of unrest returned to skim the surface of my mind. I was insatiable. It -seemed to me that I might have looked for a more tender and impassioned -abandonment--for some involuntary avowal.... - -And then, no! On thinking it over, I had no difficulty in convincing -myself that it was her modesty which forbade her to declare herself. -I myself had never dared to put it into writing. No; our engagement -would be ratified by a hand-clasp, by the chaste exchange of words. - -I wrote her eight pages that same evening. Our correspondence was -resumed. Each of us now, certainly waited for the other's letter to -arrive before answering it--and the posts were still uncertain, a week -sometimes went by without bringing the looked-for letter. - -I was not without regret for the time when our love had found a way -to express itself, every, or almost every day. We had ceased to move -amongst those unique circumstances when not an hour must be lost in -pouring out all one's heart, since each letter, received or despatched, -might be the last. This was the return to normal conditions; letters -between the betrothed before the ring has been given. It was at least -something on which to feed the certainty of our happiness. - - * * * * * - -Time went on and on. At the end of a fortnight they had given my leg -a thorough dressing for the first time. The compresses, with the aid -of hot water, had come off more quickly, and given me less pain than I -had feared they might. Bujard congratulated me on the condition of my -wound. There was no trace of suppuration. Three weeks more and I should -get up! - -I smiled at his words of encouragement. I marvelled at feeling nothing -at the severed stump but a sort of tickling which was sometimes, by the -way, almost intolerable. The feeling that my right thigh had nothing to -counter-balance it was very queer too. - -The occupants of our ward had nearly all recovered. Some more beds were -added. They tried to make more room, and sent away a great many of -those who could stand up. Cadieu was despatched to a convalescent home. -He went hobbling off, much amused by his crutches. And merriment went -with him. - -Many of the new arrivals appeared exhausted and worn out. They arrived -in an infected state--it was the end of October--from the ghastly -slaughters in Belgium. There were several cases of tetanus and -gangrene. I remember a big fellow, belonging to the naval brigade, who -screamed with pain all night, and died at dawn. - -I found this promiscuousness very trying, and lost strength again. My -friend Bujard noticed it, and, after having consulted me, arranged for -me to have a little room to myself. I took leave of the sister, Ste. -Thérèse. - - * * * * * - -To begin with I missed the fresh air in the ward. I was reduced to the -society of my father as sole companion, and he was not well, because he -had had an attack of choking one evening, in the thick of the battle of -the Yser, when he had thought our line had been broken through. Bujard -had warned me that he was threatened with angina pectoris. - -And yet with what solicitude the poor man surrounded me. He was by -my side from eight o'clock in the morning onwards. He never left me -during the day, and had obtained permission to have his meals brought -up there. He tried everything imaginable to alleviate the monotony of -my long convalescence. He joined a library so that I might have books, -and tired himself by reading to me for hours together. In the end I -had to implore Bujard to forbid him to read. He bought me a quantity -of maps of different scales, and we tried to follow the situation, and -the manoeuvres of our five principal armies during the immortal days at -the beginning of September. We marked out the actual front with little -flags. - -We talked, too. I evoked certain scenes from my childhood, our -Lorraine, Eberménil. It caused my father frightful distress to think -that the enemy were still there. "But not for long," he growled, -grinding his teeth. - -If I pressed the subject and recalled some happy occasion on which our -dear departed ones had figured at our sides, then I used to see him -fall into a deep day-dream, into which I dared not break. He belonged -to those whose grief is frozen and taciturn, more heart-rending, -perhaps, than ours, which is assuaged when we give vent to it. - -I realised anew the difference in our two natures--not without regret! -I should never have ventured, I thought, to allow him even a glimpse -of the surprising evolution which had made a new man of me. It would -have revolted him to learn from what depths I had started, and all that -had been needed to bring me to this state of grace in which he had -maintained himself without an effort, for more than forty years. - -Jeannine, everything brought back the longing for your beloved -presence! You alone knew me, such as I had been and such as I was. What -pride, just think, for us two, to ascertain how, little by little, -at the seat of my love for you, all these virtues had blossomed in -my soul. You would persuade me, perhaps, that I bore the germs in -my heart, but that they could never have flowered in the etiolating -atmosphere in which my life had been spent. - -Stirred by such thoughts, I suddenly became more sensible to the -paternal affection. What nurse would have set her wits to work in such -a touching fashion? He tried to remember how my mother used to treat me -during my long illnesses in former days. - -One morning, he put a pack of cards on my table and timidly proposed a -game of piquet. - -"A good idea!" I said. "Let's draw!" - -He puckered his forehead and played attentively, and won. And I could -see myself again as a child--a child playing like this with my mother, -caressing her beautiful white hands. I could have seized and kissed -this old man's wrinkled hands. The unique tenderness of parents, -which one must hasten to enjoy! My mother had passed away years and -years ago--and as for him, the last on earth of the beings whom I -perpetuated, how much time would slip away before they left him, having -lived his life, between four planks? I was harrowed in advance. I made -a vow to do all that was in my power to sweeten the days--restricted, -alas, in number--which still remained to him. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE - - -One afternoon, towards two o'clock, my father took his hat, and said to -me, in rather a mysterious tone: - -"I must go out on an errand. I'll be back in a moment." - -Half an hour later I became aware of shuffling going on outside my -door. Somebody knocked. - -"Come in!" - -A little boy, dressed in black, appeared on the threshold. My heart -gave a bound. That prominent forehead, where fair curls rolled, that -straight, brilliant gaze. Victor! Victor, at five years old. Victor as -he had been when my eyes had opened on him as a little child. - -It was his son--little Robert. - -Behind him was my sister-in-law. She came straight up to my bed, and -bent down, raising her long widow's veil. We kissed each other, and I -demanded my little niece Brigitte, who was shy and was burying her face -in her mother's skirts. - -The conversation immediately started off, quite naturally and -delightfully, free of its whilom reserve. We ingenuously confessed -that we had learnt to know each other, and how we had felt the mutual -affection grow, in the course of these terrible months. - -Madeleine had come to stay at Vichy for a few days. - -"We will give you new courage," she said. - -"I'm not lacking in it! You're the one who needs it, poor little -sister." - -"Oh! I have enough for three." - -It was true enough. I was struck by her spirit of determination. And I -had thought her in danger of giving way entirely beneath the blow. She -spoke of nothing but the future; of her plans; of the education of her -children. She thought of going to live at Versailles: the rents were -not so high there as in Paris, they would be near the town, and the -Lycée Hoche. For she wanted to keep Robert with her, in order that the -whole family should cling together. - -As my eyes were again drawn irresistibly to the little boy, she said: -"Isn't he like----" - -She did not complete the sentence. Tears pearled on her eyelashes. It -was one of the few allusions she allowed herself, to her great sorrow. - -I told her that her children would find a second father in me. - -"He counted on it," she assured me. - -And she showed me a note which Victor had written before leaving St. -Mihiel; a few lines in which he confided those dearest to him on earth, -to my charge. What instinct warned him that he would fall; that I -should be preserved? - -I reverently welcomed this sacred bequest. When my father had gone -I should be the head of the family. New duties which I hailed with -delight. And in a short time, I said to myself, Madeleine would find -in Jeannine a friend, more than a friend. I think that if we had been -alone it would have been to her, first of all, that I should have -revealed my secret. - -Those were calm days perfumed by sympathy and friendship. I had to tell -the story of my campaign in full detail. Not even the children seemed -bored as they listened. - -Dear mites they were! Too quiet and good. I sent to a neighbouring -bazaar for some toys for them. Then I drew up a plan for the future. - -I asked my sister-in-law what she meant to do for the winter. It was -impossible for her to go back home. The enemy had just laid hands on -St. Mihiel. - -"Stay in Paris," she said. - -"How depressing that would be!" - -I pretended to be seized with a sudden inspiration. "Suppose we all -went off to the Riviera for a time, for a rest?" - -The suggestion was carried unanimously. It was a landmark set up.... To -draw all my belongings down there. It seemed to me that in accompanying -me, they would share my joy. As for me--could I hesitate? The Landrys' -departure for Antibes, seriously delayed by certain complications, was -fixed for the following month. I had reminded Jeannine of her promise -to come round by the Bourbon line. The matter was arranged. - -I fondly imagined that I should have recovered by that date. Bujard -spoke to me every day of the marvellous apparatus which was to disguise -my misfortune. - - * * * * * - -My sister left again with her children, recalled to Paris by various -purchases and other matters. The sweetness she had brought with her -persisted. Those were radiant days. - -I began to get up. First a foot out of bed, nothing more. My father -who was still vigorous lent me the support of his arm. My head swam -when I stood up. I was just able to reach an arm-chair, and doubted -whether my strength could ever come back. I was especially bewildered -by the strange lack of equilibrium. - -I held the crutches in abhorrence. I should never get accustomed to -that. Directly it was possible, Bujard brought me a wooden stump. -Frightful! However, it was a way of progressing. My left leg was able -to get exercise, and regain strength, little by little. I walked up and -down the landings, and the hotel garden. - -I was measured for a jointed limb. Bujard had told me of an American -firm which was supplying both groups of belligerents, so he assured me. -I sent my order to them. - -The delay demanded had seemed to me very reasonable. But, when I first -began to go into the town I fell a prey to the embarrassing compassion -of the passers-by. They nudged each other, when they met me. - -"Another one!" - -"Poor fellow!" - -I, who aspired to losing myself in the crowd, like other people! - -I happened just then to come across the prospectus of an English firm, -which offered to provide the whole thing complete in a fortnight, at a -price defying all competition! - -"A hoax!" Bujard warned me. - -It couldn't be helped. I was consumed with impatience. I wrote, -enclosing my cheque. We should see. It would be well worth the twelve -pounds it would cost me. - -Those were happy weeks, I repeat. I went before a Board; I was passed, -and left the hospital. I was free! And had the satisfaction of feeling -that I had paid my debt to the full. - -I wrote letters, and received them. Madeleine wrote me jewels of -sisterly affection. Guillaumin, for his part, sent me picturesque -epistles. They had had a rough time again, at the beginning of October, -round Champieu and De Roye. - -Since then, trench warfare had been inaugurated: they were settling -down for the winter. There was not a word of complaint, simply the -tranquil and delightful keenness he had always shown. The morale of the -men was intact. And they had had so few casualties during the last five -weeks. They were well fed. The only drawback was the lack of heating -arrangements! - -I replied to him at length, and sent a real letter, too, to each man -who had signed the collective post-card which I have already mentioned. - -I asked my sister-in-law to go and call on Guillaumin's sister in the -little flat she had in the Gobelins. They talked for a whole hour about -him and me, like firm friends; and Madeleine managed to procure some -piano lessons for the other--a real feat! - -The postal arrangements had improved considerably. Neither Jeannine -nor I lost any time. Directly a letter arrived--quick!--the answer was -written. Our eagerness was more intense than ever. - -The German offensive in the North had not come to an end. The fighting -round Ypres had caused us a recurrence of anguish. My father had -another attack one evening when we once more thought--from reticences -in the _communiqué_--that our line had been forced and penetrated, and -that the road to Calais was open. - -A few words from Jeannine--a supplementary card, that one--were what -reassured us, before all the papers. An aide-de-camp from Foch had -just been dining with them, and had given them details. The situation -had been critical, desperate, one day, but it had been tardily -re-established the next day, and was now consolidated, and no longer -gave any cause for alarm. - -I read the whole passage to my father. He gave a sigh of relief. - -"We are saved, then! The source of your information seems reliable. Is -it one of your friends, who's written to you?" - -"A friend, yes." - -Later on, quite soon, it would be sweet to open my heart to him, to -claim his blessing on the daughter I should bring him. - -The Landrys had again put off the date of their departure. Jeannine -gave me to understand, with a certain emphasis, that some business -matters could not be settled. I had the delicacy never to ask for -details. - -This delay suited me very well. I would have given a lot for them not -to join us before the ghastly "stump" had been relegated to the rubbish -heap. Jeannine had, perhaps, guessed as much. - -Oh! our correspondence at that point. I cannot prevent myself from -returning to the subject. Its tone of complete confidence, of youthful -abandonment. Oh! my loving beloved; arrayed in every attraction, who -did not intoxicate me solely by the enchantment of her clear life -and warm seduction, nor solely by the goodness which all her being -irradiated. She was the intellectual companion, too--the complement, -for which man's instinct yearns, and which he discovers so rarely. - -Sometimes, after having come into collision with my father who could -not be shaken in his opinions, I would turn to her in delight and -admire her broader outlook. For instance, he did not desire, or even -admit, the possibility of peace or a truce before the enemy had been -completely crushed. According to him, the necessary conditions of the -future Treaty were that the Central Powers should be dismembered; large -territories annexed; and our frontier extended as far as the Rhine. The -brutal law of force. The vanquished must bow his head. While, as for -her it must be noted that she cursed the cruel blindness of the Teuton -caste which provoked the catastrophe just as much as I did. But she -followed me--far better than that--she boldly out-stripped me in my -desire simply for the repression of a minor race, in my wish for the -future re-establishment of concord among all nations, not excepting -even that one. Did she not want to convince me that each great race in -turn let itself be ensnared by the mirage of universal hegemony. Look -at us, under Napoleon! In fifty or a hundred years, we should see these -Germans rallied to our republican wisdom. - -What joy I experienced in playing lightly upon all the chords of this -young soul, in hearing each one of them vibrate in harmony with me. - -I will quote one touching incident. She it was who sent me, by -telegram, too, the text of my promotion, as it appeared in the -_Gazette_ on November the 23rd. So that was why she had sounded me so -dexterously for a long time now. I had told her what I knew, what my -captain proposed. I thought no more about it, instead of which, she had -studied the lists for weeks and weeks, with the perseverance of a woman -in love. - - * * * * * - -The English firm fulfilled their contract, the order was delivered on -the promised date. Bujard shook his head when he examined it. Just as -he had expected. A ready-made model! - -As for me, the apparatus attracted me. I put it on hurriedly, and -having pulled on my trousers, went and planted myself in front of the -wardrobe looking-glass, which no longer reflected the former, monstrous -and incomplete apparition. Upright and firmly planted on my feet, and -well-balanced, I admired myself, restored to my manly dignity. Now, -Jeannine might come! I could not help telling her of the joy which was -running over in me. I jokingly told her that I had to think before -being sure which leg was missing. - -She replied with the announcement that they were to start on their -journey in a few days. - -The fulness of life! The rapture of it! I was about to attain my -supreme end, and was exalted by the prospect of it. The time was -accomplished. I had escaped the wind of death which had felled so many -others. The war might still be in progress--I must ask pardon for this -return of egoism!--At a time when my brothers were still suffering and -perishing, I awaited, with heart enthralled, the coming of my betrothed. - -How strange is destiny. I looked back upon the weeks spent, not so very -long ago, beside this girl. I had not had an inkling, then, of what -she was to be to me. How fantastic it seemed that I should be beholden -to that brutal separation. How near I had come to neglecting happiness! - -But for the War----! - -I dared to look this terrible truth in the face. Thus are hearts -tempered anew. I had had to undergo the dread ordeal by fire, which -consumes the greater number, whence a few issue, purified. - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -THE AWAKENING - - -Such was the dream I lived in. To-day, when I go over that time in -retrospect, I ask myself whether I did not experience any anxiety. Not -the least. Not for an instant did I see my sky overcast. - -I was harshly undeceived on one point though. In using it I found out -how second-rate the English article was. It answered the purpose all -right as long as I kept still, but light as it seemed it was necessary -to exert my hip to work it, which made me walk with a kind of unsightly -swing and very quickly tired me. - -I got into the habit of going out during the best hours of the day -while the fine weather lasted. Once outside, I walked slowly, putting -on the air of a loiterer. As uninitiated passers-by might well think -I was merely slightly lame, I now had to be doubly vigilant about -avoiding the least contact with the crowd. Alas! I was very unsteady; -twice I nearly fell when someone bumped into me, and people did not -apologise; the mufti I had taken to again seemed to rob me of the right -to any consideration. - -Who would believe that I almost got as far as to regret the wooden -stump? My last hopes were fixed on the American firm. I congratulated -myself upon not having cancelled my order. A fellow-sufferer had just -been introduced to me, who had been supplied with a leg by them, and I -marvelled at his young and supple carriage. - -Why did I make a point of telling Jeannine of my disillusionment? -Perhaps in order to get the answer, "What are you worrying about?" With -ambitious coquetry I boasted in advance of the wonders expected from -the other firm. - -The reply was delayed for six days, and when it came was only -four pages. The Landrys were putting the finishing touch to their -preparations. There was not a single allusion to my infirmity, which -I had told her was well on the way to being cured. No doubt she had -made a rule never to broach the subject. Having once and for all given -me proof of her tender pity she wished thenceforward to spare me the -humiliation of feeling that she even thought of it. - -Some days slipped by. I had written to her again in an affectionate -tone. Though tempted to give her to understand that it would be less -painful to show myself to her in a fortnight's time, I refrained from -making such a mistake. That was a secondary matter. Only let her come! -let her come! Oh, my love! - -At this point, there was a long silence on her part. Must it be put -down to the postal service again? No, we received our other letters -from Paris quite regularly. - -At the end of ten days I wrote her a line, saying that I was anxious. -No answer--what could I make of it? I was seized with apprehension. -Was she ill perhaps? But I should have been told about it. Had some -accident happened to her? That was more likely. If so, what was it? My -thoughts wandered, incapable of fixing themselves. - -Then, one morning, just as I got out of bed, the waiter brought me a -card. What power there is in presentiments! As I took it from him I -distinctly saw another, the one I had got from Jeannine at F---- the -day before we started. I immediately thought--why, I wonder? that was -the first, and this--this, the last! - -It was not the Paris postmark. I undid it slowly, pretending--on -whose account?--to be unmoved. One page, no more. It was headed -Juan-les-Pins, December 17, 1914. Jeannine expressed her regret at the -fact that they had been prevented from making the detour they intended, -because the time-tables fitted in so awkwardly. Her grandmother was not -very well, as a result of a great deal of worry, and found the journey -long enough without adding to it. They had arrived the day before -yesterday on the Riviera, which was not justifying its reputation, -since the sun was absent. It lacked joyousness above everything. She -added that she could not tear her thoughts away from the cold Northern -regions, where so much youth, and all the promise of the future was -succumbing. She ended by expressing the hope that we should see each -other again some day. There was no allusion to our travelling plans, -which I had mentioned to her several times. - -I stood still, thunder-struck. I mechanically began to read over the -lines again. The letters were dancing. I searched for an unexpected -meaning in them. I refused to admit.... But the conviction was secretly -gaining ground in my mind. - -When I got to the signature again, there was not an unsteady stroke. -The evolution was complete; I was ripe at last to understand. It -was the emanation of a distant, a prodigiously distant being. How -could I ever have thought--? My simplicity amazed me. Here, endless -overwhelming forebodings occurred to my mind. The imperceptibly, but -totally changed tone of her letters; the note of friendship substituted -for that of love; never a word in reference to my misfortune; the -grandmother always refraining from adding a personal message, the -long-delayed opportunity of seeing me again. Lastly, the brutal -decision: these four sentences of dismissal. - -I leant on the window looking over the hotel garden from the second -floor. A bare lawn, and leafless trees. A cold and dreary wind was -blowing, this winter morning. I pictured her, too, at her window -opening on to the sea. My thoughts sought her thoughts. Yes, I wanted -her to feel me moved by her cold, heart-breaking epistle at that -moment. Ah, and if she could have read my heart, she would have seen -that it held for her nothing but a desperate, resigned devotion. - -Move her to pity? A dead ambition. Demand an explanation? What was the -good? I saw it quite clearly. Curse her, blaspheme against her? How far -that was from my thoughts. I did not accuse her of treachery. It seemed -to me certain that at the time of the uplifting struggle she had dreamt -of me as her bridegroom of to-morrow. But since I had been damaged. My -God! What could I have reproached her with? - -Had I still supposed myself worthy to inspire contentment in a youthful -creature, inexperienced and perfect? When no engagement bound us! For -on what foundations had I built? On nothing more than an odd avowal -or two hidden here and there between the lines. Sand scattered by the -wind! I might read over her letters, those written during the last few -months and even those at the beginning. When once my own ardour had -abated I should not find in them either oath or promise; there was -nothing there, nothing had ever been expressed but a sisterly affection. - -It occurred to my mind that more than one girl of former days, brought -up in the pious ideas of devotion and self-sacrifice, would have felt -herself especially bound to proclaim as her fiancé the man who had -suffered at the hands of Fate--inspirations to be respected, but, I -admitted, out of date. This generation, less sensible--I have already -said Jeannine was not the least--to the impress of religion, showed -more common sense. It was permissible for a child of our century, -however generous she might be, to trust to time to cure all heartaches, -in others and in herself, to aspire to a happiness other than sacrifice. - -Jeannine might have suffered, might be suffering still. Yes, she -must regret that what was not, might not be. It was possible that -she might carry away a picture of me which would illuminate a chaste -corner of her memory: an idol that she had not been able to bring -herself to destroy by seeing me again. It was Reason. I bowed to the -sovereign I always recognised. Does one not usually end by repenting -of a sacrifice? I glanced into the glass--I have said that I was -not dressed: ugliness, a lack of harmony, weakness. If I had given -her my arm, she would have been the one to support me. What shame, -what remorse even, there would have been for me, in paralysing this -creature, so vividly alive, in eternally hearing her pitied, she who -was born to be envied. - -I dressed with my mind a blank. I abstained, when I was ready, from -knocking at the door of the room next to mine, where my father slept. I -was afraid of letting him see the distracted look on my face. - -I went downstairs and out of doors. Where should I go to? I avoided -the frequented streets, and the park where I liked to sit. It was a -long round. How my leg weighed on me. But I forced myself to walk -quickly, as long as I continued to meet any one. When I got beyond the -suburbs some power or other abruptly ceased to support me. Faint, and -at the end of my strength, I was only just able to reach a heap of -stones, upon which I sank down. - -There was a nip in the air. The sun, like a dull ball, appeared behind -a livid curtain of cloud. - -What a feeling of irremediable collapse! All my strength, physical -and moral, was annulled. My despair alone lived on in the depths of -my frozen heart. For a long while I experienced a secret, harrowing -joy in imagining the future, such as it might have been. My sorrow was -exasperated by turning over such visions in my mind, and reached a -state of paroxysm. I could not bear it. I got up, picked up my stick, -and went on along the road. - -Not far away, beyond some fields, a line of poplars made me guess where -the Allier lay. I was drawn on by a fatal longing to reach the bank of -the river. Poor soul, born but to disappear! - -Swollen by the autumn rains, the river filled its huge bed to the -brink. It was a glaucous, sinister stretch of water. Eddying foam was -swept along on a strong current. - -I was tempted. I approached the bank. It fell away in a steep slope -towards the stream which swished along it with a monotonous gurgle. I -planted my stick at the extreme edge among the fragments of slate. I -leant over--it was horribly alluring--and I granted myself a certain -delay. - -What a stirring moment that was while my fate hung in the balance. I -had come to the end of my tether. What had brought me there? Was it -not the paltry idea of bringing remorse to birth in Jeannine's heart? -But what would she know of my wretched fate? And why revenge myself -so basely? I scrupled to annihilate the vestige of strength which I -constituted. Lastly, there was the disdain for an act of romantic -impotence. - -And then, what pulled me up short was the thought of the old man, who -must have heard me go out, who was alarmed no doubt already, whose life -hung upon my return. Then I sat down. Ceasing to hypnotise myself by -gazing at the torrent eating away the bank at my feet, my eyes strayed -to the horizon. By a stretch of the imagination it seemed to me that I -dominated the field where my individual happiness had been shattered. - -The War! Had I not come--I remember the day before--to deify the word! -Yes, it was a progressive spell. The War! While childishly attributing -the rejuvenation of my soul to it, I had ended by seeing in it the -fairy who was cruel to be kind. So many thinkers and poets had bowed -down to this terrible goddess, before me. - -My aberration fell to pieces. The War! The abominations which were -really contained in this term rose up and quelled me. - -Those villages, blazing like torches. The Meuse rolling by with its -purple slime; the woods of Montrolles with their grasses stained with -mottled patches violet, the traces of our brothers massacred there. O -death, sole enemy of man, sneering at the orgies of the sword! So many -beings who moved and loved, struck off the rolls, so many lights put -out! De Valpic, the great-hearted, and Henriot and little Frémont; -my excellent Bouillon, Prunelle, Icard; Descroix and Playoust, too, -all or almost all, without discrimination--a crowd of friends and -companions, now grimacing underground. And the anonymous multitude, -those foul masses of corpses whose odour had pursued us all through -our fighting from end to end. All that, oh! merely a prologue! As if -it was enough that a million young men should be sacrificed. To death, -to death with their elders, the fellows from thirty to forty. The -trench fighting instituted, which would last how long, O God! The sons -of the hostile races, face to face in their burrows, spitting murder -and hatred at each other, tracing with their blood the baleful line -of fire. Frenzy gaining the two fronts little by little, the zones of -slaughter being displaced and stretched out, others being made. Where -would the conflagration end? A craze for butchery sweeping through the -world. Would there be an acre in Europe, to-morrow, which had not seen -human remains decaying beneath the beaks of carrion crows, or which did -not contain them in its depths, infecting the sources of their poisoned -juices? - -Ah! when the awakening came at last, and the diplomats, old vultures, -were collected round the council-board to talk, they might congratulate -themselves as they audited the balance sheet. Broken up, ground and -crushed, these two, three, four generations of men who might have been -great, and collaborated in the common cause. So many wounded who would -soon succumb, wan wrecks, and so many others who, like myself, would -only drag out the shadow of an existence. And all the rest! The ravaged -homes, the wives abandoned to the terrors of their widowhood, the old -parents dying with curses on their lips, the children delivered over -without guidance to life's buffetings, the surplus girls especially, -deprived of their natural associates, devoted to the sorrows of -debauchery. With many of those who came back safely, the mind at least -would be affected, their faith in work sapped, their brutal instincts -let loose, and their desire for immediate enjoyment aroused. The public -wealth destroyed, want bringing revolt in its train, the emasculated -nations incapable of recovering, or even of governing themselves. The -snare of revolutions, of frightful social convulsions. What could one -depend upon henceforth? There would be no law or rule of any sort. The -religions, Art, Science, all these would be humiliated before Force. -The Ideal broken and trampled underfoot. An infected breath tainting -the sacred legacies of the past. The genius of destruction hovering -over a civilisation in ruins. That was what War meant! - -A monstrous survival of primitive errors. How I abhorred them all of a -sudden, the politics and morals which revere this scourge of God. - -As to war raising the hearts of individuals and nations, alas, who -could answer for it? For one soul purified, how many others would be -vilified! And, above all, how terrible was the remedy, a thousand times -worse than the complaint. - -War might be necessary, and it was in this case, for the defence of our -native land. Then it might give birth to the most noble effervescence. -Then in its radiance virtues might thrive like plants beneath a -tropical sun. But it remained no less the supreme calamity; the triumph -of the powers of Death. - -Care must be taken not to magnify it, not to flatter the fluctuating -mind of the nations with bellicose dreams. We must needs greet a like -catastrophe with a fiercely hostile heart, abhor it, blaspheme against -it, we miserable creatures, who had but one life to live, one brief -chance of being happy. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A GIRL OF 1915 - - -My sister has rejoined us at Vichy with her children. We are to leave -together for the South. The idea no longer holds any attraction for me, -everything draws me in the opposite direction. But I cannot give my -reasons. I pretend to be waiting for the delivery of my order from the -American firm, not to want to move before it has arrived. Very well! -The excuse serves for a few days. But now the limb is delivered. Ten -times preferable to the other, light and strong at the same time. This -knee that bends is a marvel! Though it matters little enough to me now, -it is true. - -How am I to withstand the family urgency now? In vain I argue that I am -still weak. They all persist in extolling the advantage to be derived -from a change of air. And then the tickets have been taken and our -rooms engaged at Cannes in one of the only hotels not transformed into -hospitals. I gain a week more. Here is Christmas, and the New Year's -Day, so many All Souls' Days! Oh well, I shall have to give in. - - * * * * * - -A palace on the Antibes road; a park with luxuriant palms; a -far-reaching view over the turquoise-coloured sea. Very few people--a -diminished staff; war prices; besides, my father is making us a present -of this holiday. - -My sister-in-law at once makes inquiries about less pretentious -quarters, where we may end the winter. Getting wind of this project, -I hasten to remonstrate. She is surprised; what's the matter? Do I no -longer like this part? Didn't I choose it myself? I admit that I have -changed my mind--a convalescent's weak nerves--that I dream of less -well-known neighbourhoods, Corsica or the Morocco coast. - -It is quite true: I burn to escape from all that oppresses me on this -coast. I avoid letting my eyes rest upon the headland of La Croisette. -I can picture, too vividly, the bay behind it with its silver slopes, -the Cape d'Antibes stretching out into the sea, with the white -lighthouse at La Groupe, and, facing towards us amid the tangled mass -of verdure, that dwelling so often described to me. - -These associations overwhelm me. Be still, my heart, be still! This is -the sun which warms her, these are the waves whose murmur lulls her to -sleep, the air which quickens her. I cannot breath here! - -My people, who enjoy being at Cannes, give way to my express wish: we -are to leave again. - - * * * * * - -To-morrow will be our last day here. I am seated on the promenade. -Where are the luxurious cars with their insolent footmen? Where are the -dandies in white flannel, the fair pedestrians in toilettes fit for a -queen? The patrons of the Riviera, this year, are those poor soldiers -in faded uniforms. - -I find myself near the place where the sea-gulls used, formerly, to -whirl, catching in their flight the scraps which little girls threw to -them. They have deserted the shore. They are playing together in the -distance, skimming the gleaming surface of the waves. - -I am waiting for Madeleine and my small nephew and niece. Here they -come--she with her long veil. The passers-by think, as they meet her, -of their losses of yesterday and to-morrow. - -"A letter for you, Michel." - -"Thanks." - -I take it nonchalantly. Where is the news, to-day, with any power to -stir me? - -But the envelope torn the blood throbs in my temples! I can't -believe.... - -It is from Madame Landry! - -She writes that she has just seen my name in the _Journal des -Étrangers_ (so it still appears?). We were expected here. She and her -grand-daughter would be delighted if I would go to see them, delighted, -too, if my family would accompany me. She proposed a day, the day after -to-morrow. - -I don't know where I am. My hand tightens on the letter. Jeannine has -taken care not to add a word. My heart swells with bitterness. But why -this proceeding? - -I shall not go! I cannot go! - - * * * * * - -Oh, my sister, the only friend left to me, why did I feel a longing to -confide in someone, at the sight of your sweet melancholy? I began by -joking: - -"Halloa, an invitation!" - -You searchingly fixed your eyes, full of affection on me. - -Drawing a quadrant in the sand with the end of my stick, in a toneless -voice, which I force myself to render frivolous, I have told Madeleine -this story. But by some subtle feeling of bashfulness, I have not made -myself out as ingenuous--I should have blushed for it--as I was. I -have told her that directly I saw I had been damaged I had ceased to -indulge in a hope grown fond. Our continued correspondence had been a -consolation prize. Then when she had tired even of this game I lost -interest in it too. - -Madeleine has said to me, in her calm voice: - -"It seems to me that nothing is lost." - -I have protested. - -"I shan't go!" - -"You must go." - -"What's the use?" - -"Who can read in another's heart?" she murmured. - -And she confides in me that on the day when Victor had asked for her -hand in marriage, her mother had sent for her to consult her, as was -seemly. And she, who loved him--and how she loved her young, intrepid -soldier! This union was her one wish--she began to sob, stammering -"No," amid her tears. They were unfathomable creatures, certainly! - -But I smiled at my misery, and at this senseless renewal of intercourse. - - * * * * * - -Why have I obeyed her? Why have I got into this train alone? She would -come next time, she assured me prettily. The rear carriage without -a top races along, raising clouds of white dust. I catch frequent -glimpses of the radiant stretch of water. Here is the Juan Vallauris -Gulf. Now we are skirting the edges of the coast, the pearly foam -frolicking almost at our feet on the pale strand. - -I force myself to think of nothing. That would be best. I come to grief -over it, and my thoughts are torture. Why am I going there? Out of -cowardice? Or else is it a remnant of hope? No! We'll dismiss that -idea! Rather, I think, in order to prove to myself that I am not afraid -to suffer. - -I stiffen myself. I will be correct and cold. Cold, poor wretch! Just -now my tears welled up at the sight of the sunlit road where there -might some day have gambolled lovely children, born to us. - -I have got out, and have slowly traversed the deserted village, and -rounded the tall pine-wood. My footsteps sink into the earth--an -inconvenience shared by everyone. My jointed leg flexes at the -difficulties in the ground, and does not call attention to my drawback. -I just seem tired by my walk. - -I have forbidden myself to think, to procrastinate, or to hesitate, or -I should not have got as far as this threshold. Just as well, since I -am embarked on this fantastic adventure. No backing out of it! For a -soldier! - -There it is. I recognise the gates, overhung with ivy, from the -description they gave me. Here it is! I ring, with wonderful, -unexpected calmness. My heart has stopped beating quickly, since my -fate is sealed. - -The sound of footsteps. Is it she? No, the maid coming to open the gate -to me. Was I expected as early as this? - -A short and fairly steep pathway brings us to the flight of steps -leading up to the villa. No one at the windows--luckily! As a matter of -fact, my careless carriage cloaks my lameness. - -I have been taken into the drawing-room, and the maid has gone -to tell--A prettily furnished room, unobtrusively luxurious, and -smacking of the old _bourgeoisie_, of matured and refined taste. -Old furniture--flowers in modern vases. I go up to a table with -photographs standing on it. Here is, or, rather, are hers. This one -dates back to two years ago. She seems a child, with her hair down her -back Thus it was that she entered upon life. - -I am struck by a pastel on the wall--a gracious portrait of a young -woman. That resemblance--Her mother, no doubt; her mother, who had died -when she was twenty-four. - -A door opens. It is Madame Landry, as slim and sprightly as ever, in -her dark gown, but she has a tired expression, it is true. Is she still -an invalid? She denies it, in a few disconnected sentences, and seems -even more perturbed than I am. - -"Jeannine is just coming down," she says. - -I ask: "How is she? Quite fit?" - -"Very." - -Then, recovering herself: - -"I've been annoyed--with her." - -But here is Jeannine herself. - -I admire my self-control, for I get up and go towards her. There is -nothing constrained in my gait; I hardly drag my leg. Dazzled, and yet -at the same time clear-sighted, I look at her with a prejudiced eye. I -do not think her as lovely as she was. - -I have bowed and pressed her hand; a commonplace greeting has been -exchanged. The little brother has already appeared, and is deafening -me with a crowd of questions which I answer good-naturedly. How -easily it passes, this moment, which I had dreaded so much. We -might be back at Ballaigues: the tone of courtesy and irony--and of -indifference--recovered. - -A strange hour. The conversation does not flag. Mention is made of my -family, whose regrets I am supposed to have brought. Then I plunge into -praise of this heaven-blest country where they pass each winter. The -grandmother interrupts me. This season is the last they will spend here. - -"Really?" - -Jeannine changes the subject. - -The conversation, having wavered, naturally returns to the War. When -will it end? In the spring? Yes, after the Big Push! We return to the -first weeks. They ply me with questions. What have I seen? At first, -I decline to be drawn out. They insist--I let myself go. They listen, -and ask for details. Here is the perfect audience, interested and -impassioned. Even technical details do not repel them, this sister and -this daughter of soldiers, who have been staking out the maps with -little flags; they, too. - -I question them in my turn. It pleased me to hear them describing -Paris' proud bearing at the time of our reverses. They have a right to -speak of it, as they live there. When I mention our meeting with the -two young Red Cross members at Rosny---- - -"It might have been me," says Jeannine. "I was at St. Denis that -morning." - -Heavens! I do not know what I had feared or desired. I become -expansive. My mind is set at ease. What, is that Jeannine, who is -listening to me, leaning her chin in her hand? Is it her pure, pensive -gaze which mine meets without embarrassment? - -And the grandmother is standing up. In the most natural tone in the -world, she asks her grand-daughter to show me round the garden. - -Jeannine hesitates, and looks at her. I wonder, at this moment, if -Madame Landry has ever heard of our letters, if she sees the tragic -undercurrents to this frivolous scene which is being enacted. - -Jeannine is still considering. Is she afraid that the walk may tire me? -I get up, and reassure her in advance. She blushes. The grandmother -apologises for not accompanying us--the doctor forbids it. - -So I call little André--I only forestall Jeannine--that there may be a -third in the party. - -The child jumps down the steps. I walk down gingerly, holding on to the -rail; Jeannine, with her usual tact, more slowly still. - -This garden is more like a park. Trees of twenty species meet here, -mingled in a medley, with the luxuriance of primeval forests--palms, -maples, and olives; and I am made to guess the name of magnolias and -mastic trees. I admire the tangles of lichens and aloes and the "mimosa -alley," running between two hedges of gold. - -How sad and exquisitely sweet this loitering is. Our futile topics lend -it a melancholy charm. I should like to be able to detain the fleeting -moments. We are going up to the house again. I am going away--and I -shall never come back. - -"I don't like our garden any more," Jeannine suddenly declared. "I've -not been down into it three times since we got there." - -"Why not?" - -"It doesn't belong to us now. The villa is sold." - -"An accomplished fact?" - -"Yes, with everything belonging to it. To some Americans, from the -first of February." - -This astonishes me: - -"As soon as that?" - -"We had to." - -"Where are you going to spend the rest of the winter then?" - -"We shall have to go back to Paris." - -André seems bored by our pace, which is not lively enough for him. He -outstrips us, comes back to fetch us, and covers twice the distance we -do. - -"I am sure he's dying to show me his playground." - -"Probably," Jeannine acquiesced. - -We reach a lawn. Here is a piece of ground which has been dug up, and a -chalked line. - -"How far can you jump now, André?" - -"More than four yards," he exclaims. - -He leaves his straw hat in our care, goes off to get room, takes a run, -and jumps; and immediately turns round, triumphant, the four yards -cleared. - -"Bravo! You are getting on." - -"Oh, it'll be a long time before I can jump like you." - -He stops short, biting his lip. Too late. We all three redden, and -recall that summer's day when, in compliance with a request from -Jeannine, I had taken off my coat, and jumped nearly five yards on the -sand. To-day? Alas, to-day! - -Jeannine points out the croquet lawn to me, in passing. - -"And what about tennis?" - -"We've given up playing." - -I begin to feel slightly tired. Jeannine, who suspects it, slackens her -speed again, gracefully and unaffectedly. But it is heart-breaking for -me--I who have such a vivid recollection of the rhythm of her usual -pace. And had I not seen her at Ballaigues, challenging her brother to -race with her, and beating him with ease? - -The round is finished. We are going in. André proposes: - -"Suppose we take Mr. Dreher to the Observatory?" - -"Just what I meant to do," she says. "We'll have a rest--I'm worn out." - -Is she putting it on, to make me forget my fatigue, or is she really -tired out? Her rosy colour has certainly paled very suddenly. Her pure -face is troubled, like limpid water which has been agitated. - -Mounting some steps, we gain a shady retreat, bordering on and -overlooking the road. A parasol, three chairs, a seat, an iron railing. - -Jeannine has dropped into a chair. I have seated myself beside her. Our -eyes roam over the stretch of country in front of us. - -The short January afternoon is already drawing to a close. The sun -is sinking behind the islands, which look like deep-sea monsters, -with purple scales. The West is bathed in a luminous pallor, even the -tracery of the Estérel is hardly discernible out yonder. - -At the bottom of the orange bay, there lie white houses with red roofs -and blazing windows, flaming as if the darkness were not near at hand. -And that is the way of my destiny. The last moment of radiance, on the -threshold of the eternal night! - -Jeannine is still silent. André chatters, and I am glad of it, and keep -him up to it. I profess an interest in the hairy cactus creeping along -the wall. I ask him the names of certain plants, and pretend to get -muddled in order to make him laugh. - -Is it I who am talking and joking, I, who smile? There is another -desperate I, coiled up at the centre of my being. - -A tinkle. The door-bell. André peeps between the branches. - -"I bet it's Maurice!" - -I mechanically ask: "Who's Maurice?" - -"A little neighbour," Jeannine replies. - -"Yes, that's him all right." - -The child bounds down the steps and leaves us alone. How awkward! -Just the very thing which should have been avoided. I try to fill -up the silence with a commonplace remark--Good God! This moment of -_tête-à-tête_, for which my whole being longed in desperation in the -hours of Death! - -André's voice makes itself heard. He comes running back. - -"I say, Jeannine, he wants to know if I may go and play with him." - -I hardly listen to the reply. Turning away, I contemplate the violet -crest of the Estérel, which has just revealed itself in the gloaming so -boldly that it might be taken for the outline of a cloud. - -One would almost say that Jeannine was hesitating. I listen, in spite -of myself, for the words that will fall from her lips--I know she will -recall her brother. The child is too useful here. - -But, no; she says nothing. And now the little fellow begins again: - -"May I, Jeannine? May I?" - -That colourless voice, changed and dejected. - -"Very well, run along," Jeannine has said. - -The boy makes her repeat it: - -"I may go?" - -"Yes--yes." - -His footsteps fly along the gravel. - - * * * * * - -A deep chord vibrates within me. - -A trifling incident, and yet--of infinite import. Jeannine sending her -brother away. Jeannine in favour of our being alone together. - -The sea glitters in the west. Elsewhere it borrows vermilion and -wine-coloured reflections from the conflict of sun and shade. - -I consider Jeannine, her heaving bosom, her quivering eyelashes--and -her hand, her adorable child's hand, lying on the rail, hypnotises me. - -I am dreaming--I no longer recognise myself; with my leg stretched -out and relaxed, I dream that I am like others--a man, young and -impassioned; and this girl, pale and tender, the promised creature. - -Then I say: - -"Our letters--were delightful." - -Jeannine does not answer, but her hand contracts convulsively. I dare -everything. I dare to stretch out towards it my man's hand, big and -strong. I seize it, limp and warm. - -"Do you remember Le Suchet? That sunrise on the Alps." - -She turns round and looks into my eyes. The dear, tormented face--I -would give the world to banish even the shadow of a grief from it. - -"Michel----" - -She breaks off. - -"Michel, have you something to say to me?" - -Her gaze puts me to confusion. I bend down and kiss her fingers; then, -I find nothing to say to her, but this: - -"Shake hands, Jeannine." - -A feverish pressure, in which our souls, too, hold each other first. - -"Are we agreed?" - -She answers: "Yes." - -The tone of her voice is no longer veiled. I gaze on her. The suffering -has suddenly vanished from her eyes. All the brilliance has returned -to her complexion, just as it has to her glance. Again, the expression -of which I had kept such a delightful recollection, Youth smiling at -Happiness. - -Am I not assisting at a like transformation in myself? I, too, with -eyes re-opened, and heart illuminated and revived. All hail to the life -of light. - -"But, Jeannine," I ask her, at once, the past anguish throttling me -again, "why have you made me suffer so much?" - -"It was you," she murmurs. "Why did you stop writing to me?" - -"Your last letter was so cold. You never came--there." - -"I understood that you would rather we did not see you till you -were--quite cured." - -"An argument which I cannot refute. It's true--I did prefer that." - -"And then--" She lowers her voice. "There was that other matter----" - -"What matter?" - -"Which I mentioned to you." - -I do not understand. She continues in a more assured tone: - -"Well, we're ruined. We must sell everything. We don't even know if -that will be enough. Grandmother has had no luck. All her interests are -in the North. She is most dreadfully unhappy about it." - -So this was the reason. I am astounded, and stirred to the depths of my -being. I hardly dare believe--I smile: - -"Really! There really was nothing but that?" - -"I got it into my head," she says. "I wanted to put you to the proof. -You never answered me on that point." - -Nothing but this scruple. It was she who thought she had lost value! - -"All the same," she continues, sighing as if she had been pulled out of -a fathomless abyss, "if Grandmother had not been determined--that there -should be an explanation----" - -I cannot prevent myself saying: - -"I dreaded your grandmother." - -"Why?" - -"I was so much afraid she might put you off." - -"But why?" Jeannine repeats. - -Oh, that ingenuous tone. Oh, that clear gaze and pure forehead, behind -which no mental reservations could revolve. - -Her fresh voice in my ear is like a bell ringing in the days of joy. I -could weep--I could go down upon my knees. - -"You see," she says, gravely, "those of you who come back like this, -you have so great a right to choose." - - -THE END - - - - -_A Selection from the Catalogue of_ - -G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS - -[Illustration] - -Complete Catalogues sent on application - - -"_OVER THE TOP_" - -BY - -AN AMERICAN SOLDIER WHO _WENT_ - -_ARTHUR GUY EMPEY_ - -MACHINE GUNNER, SERVING IN FRANCE - - _12o 16 Illustrations and Diagrams $1.50 net - By mail, $1.60_ - -TOGETHER WITH TOMMY'S DICTIONARY OF THE TRENCHES - - -For a year and a half, until he fell wounded in No Man's Land, this -American soldier took part in more actual fighting and real warfare -than any war correspondent saw, who has written about the war. His -experiences are grim, but they are thrilling and lightened by a touch -of humor as original as the Soldiers Three. And they are _true_. - - -G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS - - NEW YORK LONDON - - -When the Prussians Came to Poland - -By - -Mme. Laura de Turczynowicz - -Marquise de Gozdawa - -12°. Illustrated. $1.25 net. By mail, $1.35 - - -The story of an American woman, the wife of a Polish noble, caught in -her home by the floodtide of the German invasion of the ancient kingdom -of Poland. - -A straightforward narrative, terribly real, of her experiences in -the heart of the eastern war-zone, of her struggle with the extreme -conditions, of her Red Cross work, of her fight for the lives of her -children and herself against the dread Typhus, and at last, of her -release and journey through Germany and Holland to this country. How -truly she was in line of the German advance may be appreciated from -the fact that Field Marshal von Hindenburg for some days made his -headquarters under her roof. - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - -Bullets & Billets - -By - -Bruce Bairnsfather - - _12o. 18 Full-page and 23 Text Illustrations. $1.50 - By mail, $1.60_ - - -"'Bill,' 'Bert,' and 'Alf' have turned up again. Captain Bairnsfather -has written a book--a rollicking and yet serious book--about himself -and them, describing the joys and sorrows of his first six months in -the trenches. His writing is like his drawing. It suggests a masculine, -reckless, devil-may-care character and a workmanlike soldier. -Throughout the book he is as cheerful as a schoolboy in a disagreeable -football match."--_London Evening News._ - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - -Aunt Sarah and the War - -A Tale of Transformations - -_$.75 net. By mail, $.85_ - - -A story brimful of the new spirit that has come over the men and the -women of England. Those who, like the hero, have borne the hardships -of the trenches; those who, like the heroine, have felt the heart -wrench, will not soon return to the superficial and thoughtless ways -of yesterday. The book is a fine, patriotic embodiment of a nation's -spirit, as evinced by the people at home, no less than by those who are -bearing the brunt of battle. - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ORDEAL BY FIRE*** - - -******* This file should be named 60166-8.txt or 60166-8.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/6/0/1/6/60166 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it -under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this -eBook or online at <a -href="http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you are not -located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this ebook.</p> -<p>Title: The Ordeal by Fire</p> -<p> By a Sergeant in the French Army</p> -<p>Author: Marcel Berger</p> -<p>Release Date: August 24, 2019 [eBook #60166]</p> -<p>Language: English</p> -<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> -<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ORDEAL BY FIRE***</p> -<p> </p> -<h4>E-text prepared by Brian Coe, Graeme Mackreth,<br /> - and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> - (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net">http://www.pgdp.net</a>)<br /> - from page images generously made available by<br /> - Internet Archive<br /> - (<a href="https://archive.org">https://archive.org</a>)</h4> -<p> </p> -<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> - <tr> - <td valign="top"> - Note: - </td> - <td> - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - <a href="https://archive.org/details/ordealbyfire00bergiala"> - https://archive.org/details/ordealbyfire00bergiala</a> - </td> - </tr> -</table> -<p> </p> -<hr class="pg" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<p class="ph1">The Ordeal by Fire</p> - -<p class="ph5">By</p> - -<p class="ph4">A Sergeant in the French Army</p> - -<p class="ph3">Marcel Berger</p> - - -<p class="ph5" style="margin-top: 5em;">Translated by</p> - -<p class="ph4">Mrs. Cecil Curtis</p> - - -<p class="ph4" style="margin-top: 5em;">G. P. Putnam's Sons</p> -<p class="ph5">New York and London<br /> -The Knickerbocker Press</p> -<p class="ph6">1917</p> - - - - - - -<p class="ph6" style="margin-top: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1916<br /> -by</span></p> -<p class="ph6">G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS</p> - - -<p class="ph6">The Knickerbocker Press, New York</p> - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<table summary="toc" width="65%" style="margin-top: 5em;"> -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#PART_I">Part I</a></span></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_I">BOOK I</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 1, 1914</i></td></tr> - - - -<tr><td align="right">I.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Ia">JEANNINE LANDRY</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_3">3</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">II.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIa">A YOUNG MAN OF 1914</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_11">11</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">III.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIIa">BELLS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_19">19</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IVa">A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME -EVENING</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_25">25</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">V.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Va">A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_31">31</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_II">BOOK II</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 2nd-3rd</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIa">I GO BACK BY TRAIN</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_40">40</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIa">PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_45">45</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIIa">MY FATHER</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_51">51</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IXa">MY FRIEND</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_60">60</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">X.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Xa">EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_66">66</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_III">BOOK III</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 4th-9th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIa">THE FIRST STAGE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_72">72</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIa">NEW COMRADES AND OLD</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIIa">KNOCKS AND CONTACTS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_85">85</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIVa">THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_93">93</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVa">AT THE GLOBE CAFÉ</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_103">103</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIa">CAVILLINGS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_117">117</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIa">SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_125">125</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIIa">A RETURN OF EGOISM</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_131">131</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#PART_II">Part II</a></span></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_IV">BOOK IV</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 9th-12th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">I.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Ib">UNDER WAY</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_141">141</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">II.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIb">HARASSED, ALREADY</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_150">150</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">III.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIIb">IN BILLETS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_160">160</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IVb">AN ALARM</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_170">170</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">V.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Vb">A THUNDERBOLT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_176">176</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_V">BOOK V</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 12th-13th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIb">ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE</a></td> <td><a href="#Page_184">184</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIb">I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_190">190</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIIb">AWAITING OUR CUE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_196">196</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IXb">THE BAPTISM OF FIRE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_207">207</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">X.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Xb">A MOMENT'S RESPITE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_216">216</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIb">A MUCH STIFFER MATTER</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_221">221</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIb">WE COLLECT OURSELVES</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_232">232</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_VI">BOOK VI</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 14th-25th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIIb">A VICTORIOUS DAWN</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_239">239</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIVb">EN ROUTE AGAIN</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_250">250</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVb">A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY</a></td> <td><a href="#Page_255">255</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIb">GOOD COMRADES</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_265">265</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIb">DE VALPIC</a></td> <td><a href="#Page_272">272</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIIb">DARK HOURS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_278">278</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIXb">SPINCOURT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_288">288</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XXb">THE WAR BEGINS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_296">296</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#PART_III">Part III</a></span></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_VII">BOOK VII</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>August 25th-September 2nd</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">I.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Ic">IN RETREAT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_307">307</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">II.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIc">DARK DAY</a>S</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_314">314</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">III.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIIc">STRENGTH OF MIND</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_323">323</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IVc">OH, MY FRIENDS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_330">330</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">V.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Vc">A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_337">337</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIc">THE POILUS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_349">349</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIc">SOCIALISM</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_357">357</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">VIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_VIIIc">A TEMPTATION</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_362">362</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IXc">AT PEACE WITH MYSELF</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_372">372</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_VIII">BOOK VIII</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>September 2nd-7th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">X.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Xc">NEWS AT LAST</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_379">379</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIc">THE CATHEDRAL</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_386">386</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIc">PESSIMISM</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_394">394</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIIIc">A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER</a></td> <td><a href="#Page_401">401</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIVc">HIGH STRATEGY</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_410">410</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVc">A WORD IN SEASON</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_419">419</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_IX">BOOK IX</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>September 7th-9th</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIc">FINAL ANTICIPATION</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_433">433</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIc">WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_441">441</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XVIII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIIIc">THE FIRST IMPACT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_447">447</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XIX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XIXc">HOLDING OUT</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_453">453</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XX.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XXc">WE ARE NOT DEFEATED</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_460">460</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XXI.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIc">THE CULMINATION</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_470">470</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">XXII.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIIc">SERENITY</a></td> <td><a href="#Page_478">478</a></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><span class="smcap"><a href="#PART_IV">Part IV</a></span></td></tr> - - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i><a href="#BOOK_X">BOOK X</a></i></td></tr> - -<tr><td colspan="3" align="center"><i>Epilogue</i></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">I.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Id">APPREHENSIONS</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_485">485</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">II.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IId">RELIEF</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_494">494</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">III.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IIId">A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_500">500</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">IV.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_IVd">THE AWAKENING</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_509">509</a></td></tr> - -<tr><td align="right">V.</td> <td><a href="#CHAPTER_Vd">A GIRL OF 1915</a></td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_519">519</a></td></tr> -</table> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> -<p class="ph2"><a name="PART_I" id="PART_I">PART I</a></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_I" id="BOOK_I"><i>BOOK I</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 1, 1914</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Ia" id="CHAPTER_Ia">CHAPTER I</a></p> - -<p class="center">JEANNINE LANDRY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I can</span> see myself again on that afternoon walking up and down the -platform of Vallorbe Station. At my side little André, aged twelve, -sailor-collared and bare-legged, besieged me with questions concerning -sport. It was his craze. I did my best to give him the information he -wanted, while waiting impatiently for his people to reappear.</p> - -<p>I had offered to look after the ladies' luggage, but the grandmother -had declined my help with thanks. Jeannine was so capable! These little -jobs amused her.</p> - -<p>The girl came out on to the platform towards us, and wanted to take -back her dressing bag. I refused to allow it.</p> - -<p>Madame Landry joined us. I took her to a seat but she refused to sit -down, she was not tired. I always admired her, slim and alert at over -sixty.</p> - -<p>I had made their acquaintance at the hotel at which we had arrived -together three weeks before. The old<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> lady, who was the widow of an -Inspector of Finances, always began by keeping her distance. The chance -discovery that I was the son of an officer in the army had prejudiced -her in my favour. The Landrys had many connections with the army, and -Colonel Dreher's name was not unknown to them. The grandmother had been -able to prove, by the concurrence of various dates, that my father must -have received his commission at the same time as her own brother, who -had been seriously wounded in the year '70. This was reason enough for -us to become very intimate in a few days. I learnt that Madame Landry -had lost her son, a lieutenant in the Cuirassiers, twelve years before. -He had been killed by a horse's kick and her daughter-in-law had died -in childbirth a few weeks later, whereupon she undertook to bring up -her two grandchildren.</p> - -<p>Jeannine was quite young, eighteen or nineteen, I think—she refused to -tell me her age, just for fun. She was tall and slim, and bright-eyed; -her mouse-coloured hair curled and entangled itself in spite of all she -could do. She had spent two years in England. It must have been there -that she had picked up this rather offhand, or more correctly speaking, -this playful manner, whose manifestations sometimes surprised her -grandmother, though they rarely shocked her.</p> - -<p>I who hold in equal abhorrence insipid or hypo-critical goody-goodies -and brazen coquettes, had been attracted by this frank ingenuity, -this assurance which was quite innocent of all effrontery. Our -friendship had been formed on the tennis court. Jeannine, who was -nimble and skilful and keen, was delighted to find a worthy opponent. -She challenged me anew every morning. She fought obstinately and was -annoyed if I paid her compliments. In the afternoon we went<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> for walks, -chaperoned by Madame Landry, or the little brother, and in the evening -we both enjoyed our interminable discussions on the terrace where -sweet-scented breezes blew.</p> - -<p>The grandmother only put in an occasional word from her arm-chair, -a little way off. Jeannine willingly avoided topical futilities. -Literature, painting, music, or even politics—why not?—the occult -sciences—a fruitful subject of conversation when the mysterious night -is falling—she broached them all quite fearlessly. I have always had -a taste for riding headlong through these preserves of metaphysics -or ethics. Philosophers only venture there too gingerly, unravelling -the thread of a theory. The most delightful recreation is to disport -oneself there as if in conquered territory, to breast at a gallop some -hilltop or other, where one breathes in draughts of pure air, whence -one may cast a bold eye on life.</p> - -<p>Jeannine was not at all apprehensive of these giddy escapades. It was -an intellectual gymnastic, satisfying apparently the same taste for -action and expansion which she showed in the physical sphere. And yet -after one of these flights she used to feel the necessity of drawing -breath and retiring upon some graceful standpoint, in the same way in -which she would make a point of doing her hair and dressing for dinner, -on her return from an expedition. If I tried to lure her on again, she -resisted with a smile.</p> - -<p>"No, now let's talk seriously."</p> - -<p>Then I would see her withdraw into a fortress built of all she -definitely believed and knew, opinions, reveries, and prejudices which, -though she was charmingly logical, she owed to her race and education. -The best of it was that once in refuge there, in full<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> possession of -her truths, the last thing she aimed at was to convert me. I, in my -turn, was obliged to shut myself up behind ramparts; I had some all -ready-made from whence I braved the world.</p> - -<p>Oh! there was nothing very new in it, in this doctrine I had drawn -from my reading and reflections, but I flattered myself that by having -thought it over, I had made it my own private property. It was the -eternal ego. Jeannine protested against it. She claimed that she was -not at all a rebel to the requirements of logic, indeed I recognised -her intellectual courage, her taste for sincerity. She had no religion -to embarrass her, no faith with which she might be tempted to oppose -the claims of her reason. Was she even a Catholic? No, simply a -free-thinker, though she did not boast about it in order not to grieve -her grandmother, who was, by the way, but a lukewarm <i>dévote</i>. She -dreamt, however, that pure self-love was not the highest end, that -there were great souls, and lesser ones, that from time to time, a -little of the divine might inspire our dust....</p> - -<p>Moonshine! I chaffed her: I made fun of all her would-be noble -feelings; I discovered gnawing egoism in them; I raised this dreary -God to a pinnacle. I went further; I was not afraid to unveil for -her sometimes the depths of my nihilism. Dried up and incapable of -experiencing the least emotion, I had adopted the standpoint, I told -her, of considering the universe as a scene, life as a vulgar farce, -denuded of rhythm and spaciousness, where each of us played a part. I -did not envy that of any one else, and mine did not interest me in the -least.</p> - -<p>When I made such confessions Jeannine looked at me in silence; then she -began to laugh:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You're making fun of me!"</p> - -<p>I denied it, guilty nevertheless of a smile which belied me. But, in -my inmost conscience, I knew only too well that I had not spoken in -fun. This young dialectician, whom my paradoxes amused, would have been -chilled, revolted, estranged from me for ever, if she had thought that -my courtesy hid nothing but this brutal scepticism, this cowardly lack -of curiosity.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The train was late; Madame Landry wished to set me free:</p> - -<p>"The time is getting on ... if you have to go as far as your -cousins'...."</p> - -<p>I naturally replied that I had plenty of time before me.</p> - -<p>"And then you want your papers!" Jeannine insinuated maliciously.</p> - -<p>It is true that I watched for the arrival of the Paris papers every -evening. Simply a matter of habit; so little news concerned me! The -day before, as it happened, the post had brought me nothing. I almost -suspected Jeannine of having laid hands on the mail. In any case, my -vexation and my grumbles had delighted her.</p> - -<p>An absolute child!</p> - -<p>The train still did not arrive. Conversation languished. I started a -subject likely to interest the travellers. They were going to make -a short stay on the shores of Lake Leman, a part which was strange -to them, but which I said they would think they recognised, it bore -so great a resemblance on the whole to the French Riviera, the -neighbourhood of Cannes and Mentone, where they spent the winter. I -told them of a comfortable hotel at Montreux.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span></p> - -<p>Jeannine seemed preoccupied.</p> - -<p>"We shall miss Ballaigues."</p> - -<p>"She loves this part of the world," said her grandmother.</p> - -<p>"I very much hope we shall be back no later than next week," continued -the girl.</p> - -<p>I teased:</p> - -<p>"One makes up one's mind about that; and then when one is happy -elsewhere...."</p> - -<p>"Must I take my oath on it?"</p> - -<p>"By Jove! That would make me decide to stay."</p> - -<p>I reflected that with her away, Ballaigues would lose much of its -charm. With the exception of Cipollina I had had nothing to do with the -other guests at the hotel, foreigners for the most part. My holiday -was nearly at an end. I did not doubt that at my request my director, -accommodating creature that he was, would make no difficulties about -extending my stay in Switzerland by a fortnight. But if the Landrys did -not....</p> - -<p>The girl read my thoughts.</p> - -<p>"You know quite well," she said, "that we've arranged to go up the Dent -de Vaulion."</p> - -<p>"It will be the Pendant du Suchet."</p> - -<p>I felt that we were going over the details of the expedition in -silence.... I saw once more our start at midnight—we were quite a -troop with my cousins the de Jougnes;—the formation of a column, the -men waving lamps, the women helping themselves along with ice-axes; -the long ascent enlivened by songs and chatter; we should have gone -astray a hundred times but for the sure instinct of Doctor Claudel, an -old inhabitant of the country; the cows in the fields, awakened by our -torches and our laughter, getting up and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> making their bells tinkle; -the end of the ascent grown rougher, our shoes, which were unprovided -with nails, slipping on the stony incline; several tumbles; a little -wall skirted and then crossed. And all at once, at our side, the lights -of the canton of Vaud had revealed themselves, at an immense depth, -through a curtain of gloom: they might have been the lights of ships -in the roads, seen from the top of a gigantic cliff. The darkness had -dissipated gradually like a mist. Little by little the horizon had -withdrawn to the boundaries of the world. The pure line of snowy Alps -stood out against the rosy streak of dawn.... A few minutes of waiting, -and Phœbus rose resplendent and expanded, assuming many a bizarre -shape, until, full-blown and triumphant, he deigned to reflect his disk -in the waters of Neufchâtel.</p> - -<p>The picture held me captive. As Jeannine repeated, "In a week's time -... that's agreed, isn't it?" I acquiesced; and then said whimsically:</p> - -<p>"Who knows what may have happened in a week's time! We may be in the -midst of war!"</p> - -<p>"Oh, come, there won't be any more war!" Then suddenly grown serious:</p> - -<p>"You don't believe it, do you?" she went on.</p> - -<p>I affected a certain gravity:</p> - -<p>"Well, really, the papers were horribly pessimistic the day before -yesterday...."</p> - -<p>"Here's the train!" the little boy interrupted.</p> - -<p>The majestic express thundered into the station. It stopped, all the -breaks creaking. The passengers got out in bad tempers, to go to the -custom-house. I had the luck to find places for my party; a priest with -a scared face questioned me in German:</p> - -<p>"Revitziônne," I said.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> - -<p>"<i>Ya, ya.</i>"</p> - -<p>He hurled himself into the corridor with his hands full of packages.</p> - -<p>Having settled themselves in, the ladies thanked me. A particular -gentleness distinguished Jeannine's tone; she announced once more that -we should soon meet again; besides, whatever happened, couldn't we -agree to exchange ... post-cards? I vowed myself charmed by the idea, -and took note of a double address at Cape d'Antibes and at St. Mandé.</p> - -<p>It would soon be time to start. I left the carriage and went and leant -on the door where the window had been let down.</p> - -<p>We had no more to say to each other. I wished the train would get under -way.</p> - -<p>Jeannine pulled a roguish face:</p> - -<p>"We are keeping you standing there ... when your papers have just -arrived...."</p> - -<p>I had not time to retort with a joke. She corrected:</p> - -<p>"No, I've teased you enough! I don't want you to have unpleasant -recollections of me...."</p> - -<p>"Don't you worry," I said, smiling; "the recollections are charming."</p> - -<p>The train started off, without a whistle. The girl held out her gloved -hand to me through the window; I seized it; she gave mine a fleeting -squeeze. André waved his hat, Madame Landry bowed. I walked along -beside the carriage for a few yards, and nodded a last farewell.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIa" id="CHAPTER_IIa">CHAPTER II</a></p> - -<p class="center">A YOUNG MAN OF 1914</p> - - -<p>"<span class="smcap">Hello</span>! the Paris papers not come yet?"</p> - -<p>"Just what I was saying to these gentlemen."</p> - -<p>"You don't know when they ought to get here?"</p> - -<p>"We know nothing about it, sir."</p> - -<p>"Have you any left from last night...?"</p> - -<p>The saleswoman looked through the rows.</p> - -<p>"Not a single one, sir."</p> - -<p>I left the station, thinking what a sell! I had hardly gone a hundred -yards before I heard myself called.</p> - -<p>"Halloa there! Signor Dreher!"</p> - -<p>I turned round:</p> - -<p>"Oh! It's you!"</p> - -<p>"I say, pretty bad, the news, what!"</p> - -<p>"Really, let's hear it?"</p> - -<p>"I've just glanced through the <i>Tribune de Lausanne</i>. Berlin announces -that war is imminent; Austria is mobilising; they say we're going to do -the same thing."</p> - -<p>"No?"</p> - -<p>I was dumbfounded for a moment; then, "Oh come! You'll see that affairs -will settle themselves yet."</p> - -<p>He shook his head:</p> - -<p>"It's quite true; nobody wants to fight. What<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> about you, would it -convey anything to you to go and get your skin punctured?"</p> - -<p>I shrugged my shoulders:</p> - -<p>"Those are all journalists' tales! As copy is scarce in summer, they -start rumours of tension, of possible rupture, at this season, every -year...."</p> - -<p>"Suppose it should be serious, this time...?"</p> - -<p>"Nonsense! Can you see the French and Germans breaking each other's -heads ... for Serbia?"</p> - -<p>We followed the dusty road, ascending from Ballaigues; then in the high -path to La Ferrière, I persuaded my companion to bear me company on the -way to Jougne.</p> - -<p>Cipollina was the only Frenchman of my age whom I had met at the hotel. -He was a dark-haired youth, slight and elegant, with refined features, -but a crooked nose, a blemish which, according to Jeannine, gave him an -expression of incredible falseness. The ladies had not allowed him to -meddle with them at all; the cold manner in which they had acknowledged -his greetings sometimes made me ill at ease, as I was a friend of his.</p> - -<p>A friend! Well, hardly. But for Laquarrière I had no intimate friend, -and no wish for any; I made use of Cipollina to fill up the intervals -when convention forbade my intruding upon the Landrys.</p> - -<p>His society, moreover, was not devoid of interest. He had travelled so -much, rubbed up against so many people, seen so many things. Having -entered, at the age of fourteen, a big silk firm managed by one of -his uncles, whose counting houses were to be found all over the -world, he had been successively a sojourner in very varied latitudes, -from Colombo to Boston, from Rio Janeiro to Yokohama. An intelligent -observer, he owed to his wanderings and to his early contact<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> with the -different races of merchants, a dry and caustic turn of mind not unakin -to my own. Thence sprang our speedy understanding, which resembled real -harmony, without either of us feeling much liking or esteem for the -other. As cynics we agreed in our scornful verdicts on others and on -ourselves. I must say that he did not flatter himself that he was in -any way an intellectual. Each time I sketched some generalisation, or -laid the foundations of a system, he escaped me, sneering:</p> - -<p>"Oh, that's literature."</p> - -<p>Then, irritated, I inwardly dubbed him a "counter-jumper."</p> - -<p>"Have you been to see the Landrys off?" he asked abruptly.</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"Shall you see them again in Paris?"</p> - -<p>"Before that perhaps. They expect to come back here."</p> - -<p>"I thought you were going to leave?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know now. That will depend!"</p> - -<p>He gave a little laugh which annoyed me.</p> - -<p>"Oh, so things are getting on?"</p> - -<p>"What's getting on?"</p> - -<p>"Your schemes."</p> - -<p>"What schemes?"</p> - -<p>"To do with the girl of course."</p> - -<p>I did not deign to seem vexed, and put on a joking tone.</p> - -<p>"My dear fellow, after all I've said to you on that subject!"</p> - -<p>"It's possible to change one's mind."</p> - -<p>"No. It would never even enter my head to change my mind about that."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> - -<p>I summed up, in a few words, one of my favourite theses: marriage in -our state of civilisation is an absurdity; it would be ridiculous to -chain oneself for the rest of one's life to a woman—and such a woman, -a girl, a creature still in germ, who had revealed nothing of her -secret. It would certainly need an artlessness to which I was no longer -susceptible, or a faculty for enthusiasm still more extinct in me. -Each time a friend told me of his happy engagement I gazed at him in -astonishment as at a being fallen from another planet. I concluded:</p> - -<p>"This little Landry girl is right enough to flirt with in the holidays! -She's not displeasing or stupid, but I beg you to believe that there is -nothing, and never will be anything between us...."</p> - -<p>Had I convinced him? He continued after a moment's silence.</p> - -<p>"They say ... she's well off!"</p> - -<p>"That doesn't tempt me either."</p> - -<p>He protested:</p> - -<p>"My dear chap, you're very much like the rest of the world!"</p> - -<p>I shrugged my shoulders and assured him that I was perfectly happy.</p> - -<p>"No ambitions?"</p> - -<p>"None."</p> - -<p>At his look of unbelief I set myself to sing the praises of the -dilettante's life I was leading. Some question he asked led me to go -into certain details to illustrate the way in which everything had -always gone well with me.</p> - -<p>I had not drifted for long when my legal studies were over. An old -family friend, the manager of the Abyssinian Railway Company, had asked -me to become his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> private secretary. I accepted the post. Another had -soon fallen vacant, that of General Secretary. Suggested as a stop-gap, -I had acquitted myself to everyone's satisfaction. I was good at -interviewing visitors, and wrote with a certain amount of style. My -appointment was confirmed. The business was a sound one, when the time -for exploitation came, it would be excellent. I had put some capital -into it. I had not much work, only four hours a day to put in. I earned -ample to live on. What more could I have wished for?</p> - -<p>Cipollina slyly urged me to enumerate what he called my positive joys. -I demurred, none too good-naturedly.</p> - -<p>"We have so few tastes in common."</p> - -<p>But, privately, I invoked my customary amusements: dinner in a -restaurant on the boulevards, where I used to meet Laquarrière: it -was there that we exchanged our stock of ill-natured sallies: then -there would be bridge, poker, or billiards: and often a theatre, -though it did not appeal to us much; from time to time a boxing match, -or on Sunday, in the Parc des Princés, a sensational football tie. -These last shows held the most interest for me. They reminded me of -the still recent time when I myself excelled in these games, and I -still continued, though somewhat irregularly, to frequent a school of -physical culture.</p> - -<p>I had scratched sentiment out of my life once and for all. Paris -offers an inexhaustible fund of sensual attractions to those possessed -of time and money. I had both, but I dreaded nothing so much as -being tied to one person, and as I also detested the flat period of -preliminary gallantries, I came to content myself with a wise and banal -voluptuousness. More restricted<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> still was the balance-sheet of family -obligations and satisfactions. I would not have missed dining with my -father on Sunday evening. At long intervals I wrote a few lines on a -card to my married brother, an officer at St. Mihiel.</p> - -<p>I have spoken of my dilettantism: the word gratified my vanity and -was just, in the main, as certain artistic tendencies distinguished -me from the herd of vulgar pleasure-seekers. I read a great deal. I -bought novels and philosophies, and had a weakness for pretty editions. -I made a point of being well up in matters concerning painting and -music. I owned some admirable eighteenth-century prints, a small series -by Daumier, an oil-painting by Pissarro. I vaguely cherished the hope -of making a sort of collection of which my friends would one day be -jealous. That was all. I might ransack my mind indefinitely but I -should not find a possibility of joy beyond these few instances.</p> - -<p>Oh! this reckoning. I had made it so often, anxious to ascertain what -I loved, and what I was worth. I generally congratulated myself on -the fact that an equal balance was maintained between the desires and -pleasures. Why did everything taste so flat to-day, I thought. What -beauty is incarnate to me? What virtue worthy of existence? What was I -good for? Might I not have been eliminated without loss to others or -even to myself?</p> - -<p>This impression did not last long. I smiled. What was I worrying -about? To proclaim oneself happy was to be happy. I could do it. I -was never anything but an object of envy. A doubt crossed my mind, -however. Certain moralists, I thought, consider life bearable only -when supported by some passion. I only know of two: Love? With all her -train of folly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> and suffering. Her victims are spoken of more than all -else. Real good fortune to be emancipated from it. Ambition? Is not -this insatiable by its very nature? There are so few chief parts, and -all great destinies go hand-in-hand with an assurance which I lacked -... and then, did I not appreciate the highest pinnacle of fortune at -its paltry worth! Did not true wisdom lie in admitting that one is -nothing but a man lost in the mass of men, to order one's life so as to -glide in peace through this indifferent term, lacking a morrow; without -cherishing a thousand longings above one's state, or naïvely spurring -oneself to sterile enthusiasms?</p> - -<p>I pondered over these familiar reflections for my comfort. To my -surprise the shadow of melancholy which had hovered over my head did -not dissipate so easily. I had difficulty in picturing to myself -without bitterness and fatigue my life to come, similar to millions -of others, void of deep sorrows as of sublime joys, this dreary life -which in ten years or in forty would end in solitude, sickness, and -suffering, in the clutches of that cursed enemy, Boredom, whose first -treacherous onslaught I thought I could feel....</p> - -<p>We had just crossed the frontier, and were skirting some meagre -plantations of firs hanging to the ridge. My companion had begun to -talk to me of Japan: he never allowed himself to be carried away by -his enthusiasm but he admired this warlike and trading nation, at last -recovered after the necessary trial, gifted with a colossal power of -expansion, and who, one of these days would take Indo-China from us at -a move. He added:</p> - -<p>"My dear fellow, the prestige of France in the Far East has declined -to such an extent that in order to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> do business we have to pose as an -English firm. Out there I called myself Smith."</p> - -<p>I noted this detail with interest as a sign of our decadence.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIIa" id="CHAPTER_IIIa">CHAPTER III</a></p> - -<p class="center">BELLS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Now</span> on our left at the bottom of the widened valley lay La Ferrière, -grouped coquettishly round the tall chimney of a factory, whence -escaped slowly-swelling volumes of smoke; the slender Jougninaz -meandered ribbon-like among the grasses, slipping towards the -neighbouring Orbe. On the side of the opposite slope, often lost to -view in the zone of bushes and brushwood, the railway and the winding -road, embracing each rocky contour, descended from the summit of the -Col. Up above, the huge grey wall of the Mont d'Or rose in a peak, -whose ridges stood out clearly against a pale blue sky, a scarcely -perceptible cross marked the crest of the mountain. In olden days -Mandrin and his bands used to come back into France by night by giddy -pathways along this rampart; any one who stumbled was fair game for the -wolves at the bottom.</p> - -<p>Midday had been roasting; but the height, and the approach of evening, -brought coolness; not a trace of mist on the mountain tops; everything -was quietness and purity.</p> - -<p>The road had just taken a turn. Jougne came into view, a vision which -always enchanted me: the houses in the village, brand new, dazzlingly -white, or a light vermilion, contrasted with the stalwart old grey -church<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> overhanging a high fortress. One imagined that the place must -have been unparalleled in the command afforded over the only two big -valleys which for ten miles round cut through the rugged chain of the -Jura.</p> - -<p>Cipollina suddenly stood still and put his hand on my shoulder:</p> - -<p>"Just listen!"</p> - -<p>Straining my ears in the direction of the village, I listened intently.</p> - -<p>"Well! What's up?" I said. "The bells?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, the bells.... What are they ringing for there?"</p> - -<p>A gentle breeze had got up, and bore with it the call of the bronze; -it was a sinister throbbing, hurried and unequal; I had a feeling that -there was neither a peal of joy bells, nor the dismal tolling of the -knell. We went on for a few steps. Now, more powerful and sonorous, -with three jerky notes repeated at short intervals, the wild peal of -alarm filled all the valley.</p> - -<p>"The tocsin!" said Cipollina.</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"When do they ring the tocsin?"</p> - -<p>"In case of fire, I suppose."</p> - -<p>"Do you see any trace of fire?"</p> - -<p>With the same circular glance, we took in our surroundings.</p> - -<p>Two miles of verdant valley, lay unfolded before us; not a puff of -smoke, save the column of the factory, and the steam from a descending -train.</p> - -<p>Cipollina muttered:</p> - -<p>"Don't they also sound the tocsin in case of ... mobilisation?"</p> - -<p>"Oh! Steady on!"</p> - -<p>"What do we know about it!" he exclaimed.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> - -<p>There was a short silence, then I said:</p> - -<p>"We shall find out at Jougne. Are you coming?"</p> - -<p>"No, I'm going back."</p> - -<p>"Aren't you curious about it?"</p> - -<p>"I've no reason for going down there."</p> - -<p>I looked him in the face. He met my gaze quite comfortably; but the -twist in his nose struck me.</p> - -<p>"Well, then, till we meet again!" I said to him.</p> - -<p>"You'll come back to the hotel this evening?"</p> - -<p>"Why ... of course."</p> - -<p>"Yes, of course."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>While hurrying towards Jougne, I tried to recall as much as I could -the events of the last few days. It was not much. A month ago, at the -beginning of my holidays, there had been the Grand Duke Ferdinand's -assassination; it seemed a tragic incident and nothing more. A famous -law-suit had diverted attention from it. Last Saturday, a sensational -coup; a startling awakening: Austria's ultimatum to Serbia couched in -terms very different from the usual courtesy shown in diplomatic notes. -Relaxation had come during the following days, at least as far as I -could see. The small State was giving in; councils of prudence from St. -Petersburg had, without doubt, been received at Belgrade; everything -seemed to be going to calm down; though the decision was to be referred -to the arbitration of the Great Powers. But since, since!... How stupid -it was that my papers should have failed me just these two days! -To-day's not arriving! In seventy-two hours the world moves! What had -Cipollina said? The whole of Europe in arms! A fact more novel than -alarming. I suddenly brought to mind certain articles with pessimistic -undercurrents. Cer<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>tain coincidences occurred to me: the campaign for -armaments, that belonged to last week; like the socialistic call to -make a stand against war ... and the Government away! And England's -difficulties! Supposing that, having considered all this "<i>They</i>" had -judged the moment propitious?</p> - -<p>No. I smothered my agitation. We had come through so many of these -critical times: Algeciras, Agadir, Saverne, Lunéville, Nancy.... The -little Landry girl was right, we should have no more war, it was too -terrible, too risky!</p> - -<p>The bells had stopped ringing their tumultuous peal, I attributed to -their silence the virtue of an appeasement. I even smiled. I mocked at -my fears. Oh, come now! The War, the Great War! Would it be likely to -break out in such a way!</p> - -<p>I had reached the bottom of the valley. On my way I leaned over the -Jougninaz, which had dwindled. It was the trout season! I would suggest -a little fishing to my cousin one of these days.</p> - -<p>I thoughtlessly began to climb the sudden rise of the mountain. When I -had reached the summit in a perspiration, I threw a friendly glance, -by way of greeting, at the Aiguillon de Baume, and on the right at -the bald summit of the Suchet, which we had reached the other night. -I stopped to breathe for a moment. I should have smoothed my hair, -and wiped the dust off my forehead if I had known I was to meet my -pretty cousin Germaine, at her people's house, but she had rejoined her -husband, a captain at Belfort, not long before.</p> - -<p>A few minutes later I passed through the railings. There was no one in -the shade of the elders. I crossed the courtyard, and began to climb -the stairs.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p> - -<p>My cousin's silhouette appeared on the landing above.</p> - -<p>"Who's there? Is it you, Michel?"</p> - -<p>"How are you?" I cried gaily.</p> - -<p>"Have you heard?" she called to me.</p> - -<p>"Heard what?"</p> - -<p>"War is declared."</p> - -<p>"No!"</p> - -<p>A mist enfolded me. I managed to get up to the top by holding on to the -banisters. On the landing I said mechanically:</p> - -<p>"What? what did you say?"</p> - -<p>She pushed me into the drawing-room.</p> - -<p>"Go in, go in. Your cousin will tell you all about it."</p> - -<p>Left alone for a minute I considered the well-known furniture in a -dazed way; the piano with the open score of Rigoletto, the arm-chairs -in loose covers, the two big couches, the two greenish screens ... I -sought a new aspect of it all; I childishly reminded myself that I must -remember that the things were in a like state when war was declared.</p> - -<p>My cousin, the doctor, a sturdy mountaineer, tall and highly coloured, -came in and quietly held out his hand to me.</p> - -<p>"Well, there we are!" he said.</p> - -<p>I got nothing but a few concise particulars out of him; ever since the -morning they had realised that things were going from bad to worse, -the "Pontissalien" usually so guarded ended its leading article by a -very clearly stated warning that we must be prepared for anything. Our -frontier had been violated, communications cut off. Our custom-house -officers at Petit-Croix had been shot at last night. Negotiations had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> -continued, however. As a matter of fact the official telegram, which -had arrived on the stroke of five o'clock contained only the seven -words:</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">"Sunday. August 2nd.</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">First day of Mobilisation."</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>"What do you say to going to the Town Hall?" suggested the doctor.</p> - -<p>I agreed, as meekly as one intoxicated. We went out. We had only a step -or two to go.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IVa" id="CHAPTER_IVa">CHAPTER IV</a></p> - -<p class="center">A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME EVENING</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> telegram from the Prefecture was posted up at the door. It was -still daylight, I lingered to gaze at it. My cousin took me by the arm.</p> - -<p>"I say, come along in."</p> - -<p>There was no one there but Alfred Lecomte, the town clerk, a still -youthful peasant of a thoughtful cast of countenance, and in a corner, -the deputy mayor, an infirm old man who kept in the background.</p> - -<p>"Well, what the deuce are you doing, Alfred?" said the doctor.</p> - -<p>The other had got up, his pen behind his ear.</p> - -<p>"Good heavens, man!" continued my cousin, "can't you realise that -there's anything to be done?"</p> - -<p>"What should there be?"</p> - -<p>"What should there be? You must send word first to La Ferrière and -Tarins!"</p> - -<p>Lecomte tossed his head: "Send word! That would mean a nice lot of -running about! They've had the bells rung: it is up to the people to -come and find out what it is about."</p> - -<p>My cousin began to get angry:</p> - -<p>"You idiot, Alfred. How do you imagine they'll suspect anything of the -kind! You must send Machurot to them."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> - -<p>He was the local policeman.</p> - -<p>"He'll be having a drink."</p> - -<p>"At Tronquière's?"</p> - -<p>"Probably."</p> - -<p>A boy, who stuck his nose in, was sent to look for him. My cousin -undertook to draw up the proclamation destined for the neighbouring -populace.</p> - -<p>He dashed it down without any scratchings out, and gave it to me to run -through.</p> - -<p>"Excellent!" I exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Somewhat pretentious, it had a great effect on Alfred and the old -deputy. The boy brought Machurot back, and it was put into his hands.</p> - -<p>The old dog was as drunk as a pig, but he declaimed it, all the same, -head-in-air, scanning all the syllables but breathing out of time. They -traced a detailed route on the paper, for him, and let him loose in the -growing dusk.</p> - -<p>The news had spread. Peasants began to come for information on their -way home from the fields. They arrived with lagging footsteps.</p> - -<p>"It's true we're going to fight?"</p> - -<p>"Rather!"</p> - -<p>Alfred took them to see the telegram, lit up now by a lantern.</p> - -<p>"Just look at that and see if it's nonsense!"</p> - -<p>"When do we leave?"</p> - -<p>"That depends. You've only got to look at your record book."</p> - -<p>Those who had gone on to get it at home, pulled it out, opened it, and -consulted the number.</p> - -<p>"The third day," they read; or "the second"; territorials, "the -eleventh."</p> - -<p>"You'll get there too late, old chap!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> - -<p>The upshot was that each one seemed overjoyed or heart-broken, -according to whether he would have time to get his hay in or not.</p> - -<p>Very few remarks; and anyhow not a single grumble. My cousin, who -forced himself to keep up his cheery tone, met with no echo. He could -only drag a few disconnected sentences out of the broken-down old -deputy.</p> - -<p>The visitors did not linger, but soon turned on their heels, their -wooden pipes in their mouths.</p> - -<p>Lecomte bustled and fussed, full of the importance of his part. As -for me I took part in it all as the stranger I was, and incapable of -realising the tragic element afloat in the air.</p> - -<p>When the doctor wanted to go in, I urged him to take a turn with me -through the village streets. I expected at last to come upon some -unexpected, and unusual demonstration ... the evening of mobilisation! -The great evening, by Jove! I was disillusioned, we met no one in the -poorly lit streets. In the little schoolyard the teacher's son was -making figures of eight on his bicycle; further on through an open -window, we saw a lot of farm hands sitting round a table, limp and -taciturn, gorging themselves with soup. And the usual frequenters of -Tronquière's "pub" were sipping their <i>verre de verte</i> in silence.</p> - -<p>My cousin did not rise much in answer to my short sentences. However, -when I asked him:</p> - -<p>"Are they patriotic about here?"</p> - -<p>"Very," he assured me. "You'll soon see!"</p> - -<p>I objected diffidently.</p> - -<p>"At first sight...."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"There's rather a lack of enthusiasm."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Enthusiasm? It was not wanting in the year '70! They didn't know then -what a real war was. They've learnt. In '71 in January, we saw what was -left of Bourbaki's army pass by, dying of hunger and cold in the snow. -We know what beaten men are, and that we must not be of their number. -They aren't going out of light-heartedness, but they'll go on till -death!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>My place was laid. We dined. The doctor was grave and silent, and I -feeble and dull. My cousin was the only one to talk, and she overflowed -with lukewarm lamentations. What bad-luck that Geneviève should have -gone back to Belfort just a week before. Would she be able to come back?</p> - -<p>I reassured her by saying that women and children would certainly be -ejected. But her son-in-law, the Captain? His fate did not seem to -worry her much. I remarked that he was in the first line, much exposed.</p> - -<p>"Of course!" she sighed. "Hadn't I told them often enough to try not to -stay in the East!"</p> - -<p>The doctor interposed, declaring that it was the most honourable -position for a soldier. Julien would most certainly not complain!</p> - -<p>He added, turning to me:</p> - -<p>"Your brother runs an even greater risk!"</p> - -<p>My brother Victor! I felt rather ashamed of not having thought of -him! A lieutenant in the infantry at St. Mihiel, ten miles from the -frontier. Hadn't I heard that he could be mobilised in three quarters -of an hour? This detail which I put before them, drew forth shrieks -from my cousin. I tried to picture Victor as parted from his wife -and his little children, perhaps<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> since this afternoon, perhaps for -the last few days, to go towards the dark unknown.... Seated at this -table, in front of an appetising dish of morels, I had difficulty in -convincing myself of the grim reality.</p> - -<p>In order to rouse myself, I declared:</p> - -<p>"In three days, it will be my turn."</p> - -<p>"To do what?" asked my cousin.</p> - -<p>"Rejoin my regiment, of course!"</p> - -<p>"What! Are you going too?"</p> - -<p>She had a dazed look. The doctor shrugged his shoulders.</p> - -<p>"Of course he's going! At the age of twenty-seven! My dear Mathilde, -you don't seem to have any idea...."</p> - -<p>She acknowledged frankly that she did indeed understand nothing.... -But when I had told her again that in three days' time I was going to -report myself at F——, whence I should be sent to fight, she seemed -thunder-struck, poor soul! I should never have suspected her of being -so fond of me; she had known me ever since I was quite tiny, and I -was the son of her poor lost Blanche, one of her own people, a blood -relation, and dearer to her than her son-in-law, I could see ... she -began to bewail herself, cursing the relentless fate against our -family. The doctor had to cut it short, a little sharply:</p> - -<p>"Look here, don't discourage the boy!"</p> - -<p>I was not displeased when she stopped talking; too much attention -always worried me; moreover it occurred to me—a false, but unpleasant -impression—that I was making an unfair appeal to her compassion.</p> - -<p>During dessert, while my uncle was uncorking a bottle of wine, I -studied the railway-guide. The 6:50 train ought to get me to Paris at -four o'clock, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> the time-tables would probably all be upset. It -would be wiser to be at the station from six o'clock onwards, and to -wait.</p> - -<p>My cousin sympathised:</p> - -<p>"You'll have to be up very early."</p> - -<p>We drank to the health of our relations with much feeling; examining -myself stealthily in a looking-glass, I decided—I was a little -heated—that I already had a martial air about me.</p> - -<p>"Are you a corporal, anyhow?" the doctor asked me.</p> - -<p>"Sergeant."</p> - -<p>Half-past eight struck, I got up.</p> - -<p>"Oh! how I should like to pack for you!" said my cousin.</p> - -<p>We embraced. They entrusted me with many friendly messages for my -father, whom they had not seen for ten years, and went with me as far -as the railings, where the last farewells were said.</p> - -<p>As I went away, I heard the doctor murmur:</p> - -<p>"The beginning of the bad times."</p> - -<p>And my cousin:</p> - -<p>"Poor boy!"</p> - -<p>These words bore me company. I thought involuntarily that in this -separation from people who loved me, and perhaps the only ones who -loved me, there must be something deep and heart-rending, of which I -was still unconscious, but which one day would fill me with emotion.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Va" id="CHAPTER_Va">CHAPTER V</a></p> - -<p class="center">A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I clambered</span> down the side of the mountain, and then walked quickly -along the road to Ballaigues. The night was serene. A dog was howling -in the valley, a harsh bark which sufficed to hold my attention.</p> - -<p>It was only when I had got back on to Swiss territory that I thought of -the risk I had run of being arrested as a deserter.</p> - -<p>I had cut through the woods. Dead branches cracked under my feet. I -crushed a glow worm. At last I made out the hotel lights. My heart -bounded when I reached it, I don't know what I expected.</p> - -<p>There was nobody in the corner of the terrace where we generally -gossiped, the Landrys and I. I bowed to the old Portuguese ladies -who were enjoying the evening air. From the hall I saw the English -installed phlegmatically at their poker table in the smoking-room. A -solemn and inscrutable waiter passed me, carrying a tea tray. Nothing -abnormal struck me. I wondered whether they knew.</p> - -<p>I went down on to the terrace again. A silhouette rose from the -shadows. By the light of his cigar, I recognised Cipollina.</p> - -<p>"Well!" he called to me, "what do you say to that?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I can't believe it yet!"</p> - -<p>In so saying I ingeniously betrayed my dominant feeling.</p> - -<p>He offered me a cigarette, and said quickly:</p> - -<p>"Shall we take a turn?"</p> - -<p>I was going to agree to doing so when I suddenly thought of my -preparations; and I was seized with the vain idea of guarding against -future fatigue.</p> - -<p>"Thanks," I said, "I've got my packing to do. What about you?"</p> - -<p>I understood him to say he had finished. I continued:</p> - -<p>"Are you going by my train?"</p> - -<p>"What train?"</p> - -<p>"The 6:50, if it still exists. The Paris Express."</p> - -<p>He was silent.</p> - -<p>"Are you going to rejoin soon?"</p> - -<p>He shook his head abruptly and exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Not I!"</p> - -<p>I looked at him; I understood. He went on in an aggressive tone:</p> - -<p>"You won't catch me going to be knocked on the head, when I've the luck -to be out of it! And you, are you itching for it, Dreher?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I'm going back," I said.</p> - -<p>"Well, well! And I thought you so emancipated!" He went on ironically. -He only had one skin, and he meant to stick to it; he hadn't the -slightest desire to fight for Serbia, as I was saying just now.... -No, it was astounding! A nice mess our diplomatists must have made of -it!... All the more so since, as we suspected nothing, we naturally -were not ready! And so it meant catastrophe!... We were going to get a -licking!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> - -<p>He ended by taking me by the arm:</p> - -<p>"Come along and have a smoke and then we can chat."</p> - -<p>"No," I said decidedly. "I'm going up again."</p> - -<p>"In that case, my dear fellow, good-bye."</p> - -<p>"<i>Au revoir.</i>"</p> - -<p>"Oh! there's not much chance of our ever meeting again!"</p> - -<p>Was it the effect of these banal remarks? Hardly had I regained my room -and gone to lean my elbows on the rail of the balcony than I felt as if -crushed by the revelation I had witnessed during the last three hours.</p> - -<p>A formidable adventure was in the making and my part as a finite being -was to consider it as a spectator. The things I was saying just now, -without attaching any definite meaning to them appeared to me clothed -suddenly in their imperious significance: Yes, in three days I should -be at F——, in four my rifle and my outfit would have been handed over -to me, shortly afterwards I should be entrained.... Here the vision -lost its clearness; only a few concise pictures rose from a sombre -haze: marches and counter marches, the bleeding feet, the exhaustion, -the cold, the filthy promiscuousness, nothing to eat; and then one -day the battle; not an entertaining engagement like those during -manœuvres, interrupted towards 11 <span class="smcap">A.M.</span> by the bugle call, -but the grim struggle, glued to the ground advancing foot by foot, -day after day and night after night, against an invisible opponent, -desperate, superior in discipline and in numbers, armed with frightful -machines ... the whistle of the bullet, the explosion of the shells -...! And one morning, in some hole or corner, an obscure and crushing -death.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> - -<p>Presentiments were unknown to me: I suddenly believed in them. I saw -myself killed, it was all over and done with my career as a man, this -life I had been pleased to order so ingenuously. The horror of the -annihilation so near at hand suffocated me.</p> - -<p>I breathed the scented night air like a drowning man. At my feet was -the dark terrace, a servant had just cut off the electricity. I heard -the gravel crunching beneath a footstep. A shadow ascended the steps. -It must be Cipollina.</p> - -<p>His words echoed in my ears, his "Not much!" I was suddenly seized with -fury against him—the coward!—a fury which was almost immediately -turned against myself. Was it not his conduct that was logical. He -refused to sacrifice himself. He coldly applied his Doctrine, our -Doctrine, of calm selfishness. I fumed to see this shopkeeper, this -table d'hôte philosopher, superior in practical wisdom to myself, when -I had ruminated my system for so long, and looked at it from every -point of view.</p> - -<p>Why did I not imitate him? I upbraided myself harshly on my lack of -rational courage. For since I was the enemy of sentimental chimeras!... -What could I believe in? Nothing, nothing! Duty, Honour, the Ideal? -They were so many hollow sounds to me. Patriotism? No word was more -foreign to me. I too was a Citizen of the World! The chauvinism of -my father, a native of Lorraine, and an old soldier, seemed to me -out-of-date, an ill-omened and ridiculous passion; in that, as in -everything else, I was so little his son. As far back as I could -remember, I had never espoused his craze for war and revenge. In -former days when we used to spend our holidays at Eberménil, some -miles from the frontier, nothing irritated me so much<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> when quite a -child, as to feel how immovable the people were in their wild enmity -against their neighbour. They never opened their mouths without making -insolent or dangerous remarks; they never dreamt, it appeared, except -of bringing back a cursed year. Why this rancour? As if it ought not to -have satisfied them to continue to be Frenchmen themselves? What did -it matter to them that their brothers from the neighbouring villages -should have changed their name. Were the former more unhappy than the -latter? My handbooks of history were full of exchanges of this kind, -carried out without any one rebelling against them.</p> - -<p>Grown older, I had only strengthened, by reasoning, my instinctive -indifference in regard to the fate of the Lost Provinces. I had -gone one better; what a high doctrine, I thought, was that of -Internationalism! And convenient, too. I should have declared myself -its adherent quite openly, but for my systematic slackness, my fear -of committing myself. The result was that I took an interest in those -theories which denied that there was any meaning in the term Fatherland.</p> - -<p>I happened to find in them the subject for some daring developments, -with which during even the last few days, I had taken a delight in -upsetting Jeannine Landry's convictions.</p> - -<p>Germany, especially, inspired me with no enmity; on the contrary, I had -a weakness for the genius of her philosophers and musicians. Two years -ago I had travelled in the country, and had stayed at Iéna for three -weeks with one of my friends, a lecturer at the university. We had -wandered together in the Thuringian forests, and slept, rolled in our -cloaks, at the top of the Schnee-Kopf. How could one fail to be won<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> -over by those glorious surroundings. As for the men over there ... I -had pleasant recollections of a few merry shooting friends, one named -Kroemer among others. If they had not appealed to me as a whole, did -any one by any chance imagine that I cherished the slightest sympathy -for the millions of beings—ugly, vain, and unintelligent—who made -up the great majority of the nation which was mine by birth. In Paris -it was true that, within a restricted circle, I experienced certain -satisfactions which I should hardly have relished anywhere else. But, -when finally analysed, even these delights did not amount to very much! -They comprised the one real benefit which I owed to my position as a -Frenchman. In order to assure the continuation of this advantage—and -what, after all, did it amount to—it was agreed that I should -sacrifice my one irretrievable treasure, my life.</p> - -<p>You can see with what a decision I seemed to be faced, but oddly enough -my revolt continued to be purely theoretical and abstract. Not for -an instant did it seem to me possible or within my power to take the -line simply of ignoring the fact that my country was mobilising. I saw -myself as the conscious victim of a superior fatality; I knew that I -should take the 6:50 train next day, that I should be at the Chanzy -barracks before ten o'clock on Tuesday!</p> - -<p>But that did not prevent me from cursing at fate. Tired of grumbling -at myself, I consigned to perdition the instigators of the war. Spite -blinded me; I kept on revolving most bitter, and I must admit, most -unjust reflections. Yes, as Cipollina had said; what an accumulation -of mistakes! For a long while back. It was all very well to say that -Germany wanted war; was preparing for it! During the last few years -per<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>haps. But had there not been a time when she had made advances to -us? We had always refused to make friends, and had kept our eyes fixed -stolidly on the Frankfort Treaty in which we pretended to see the one -and only source of all our ills.</p> - -<p>Our policy, of late, had become more captious. There had been a series -of clumsy manifestos, an awakening, which one could not shut one's eyes -to, of the old swashbuckling, nationalistic, and chauvinistic spirit. -What countless occurrences, speeches, and articles had gone towards -the making of a dangerous state of exaltation. Anything rather than a -humiliating peace! Anything? That meant war. Oh well, they'd got it. -They'd soon see!</p> - -<p>What exasperated me more than anything was to think of all those who -had done or allowed everything to be done, the ministers, ambassadors, -and delegates who in history would bear a part, however insignificant, -in the terrible responsibility. They were all, or nearly all, over the -age limit; they need have no fear for their skins; it was the others, -me and men of my generation, the youth between twenty and thirty years -of age, whom, with high-flown words and light hearts, they would send -to the slaughter!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>But it was necessary to pack. I fulfilled this task with such -mechanical precision that it calmed me. When I had finished I went out -on to the balcony again in my shirt sleeves.</p> - -<p>A crescent moon had just risen. A green mountain-side opposite me, -at the other side of the cutting which terminated, I imagined, in -the ravaged gorges of the Orbe, was bathed in her light. Vaguely -phosphorescent fields lay soaked in a milky whiteness. Spreading<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> brown -forests quivered softly. Half-way up fires were shining, the factory -and station at Brassus. I admired the bold sweep and the contour of -the Dent de Vaulion on the right. Farther on in the distance a series -of mountain ridges, forming a circle, were indicated, bluish and pale -beneath the halo.</p> - -<p>My brow was cooling again. In the contemplation of this veiled and -unreal scene my thoughts insensibly freed themselves of sinister -obsessions.</p> - -<p>What made me call to mind a very insignificant incident in this day -fertile in shocks, that moment on the road when I had passed in review -the joys for which I lived? The obscure feeling of distress which had -made me stop talking recaptured me. I again experienced the sensation -that everything was dismal, but at the same time was there not -something which might be called an unexpected hope rising within me? -What hope? I caught it, and questioned it. Was it not of new days when -I should perhaps shake myself free of the torpor where I languished?</p> - -<p>Halloa! I jeered. Was I too lending a hand in the resurrection of the -warlike instinct legitimate in the son of the soldier who was in the -charge at Rezônville, in the grandson of the man who had commanded a -regiment at Magenta? No, no: I acquitted myself of that; such wild -intoxication was quite alien to me. The most I might admit was that my -eyes were fixed on the future with a greater interest, that curiosity -made my resignation easier.</p> - -<p>I let my imagination run away with me. Turning successively towards the -two horizons, I imagined I saw, beyond the mountains, the vastness of -the two hostile territories where since to-night so many forces were -being lavished in the elaboration of the battles<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> where they would -devour each other to-morrow; a gigantic sheaf of hatred and lust, but -also of devotion and heroism which had just burst into flame!</p> - -<p>Midnight struck. My exaltation dwindled; at all events, I was not -sorry, I thought, to have been equal to the emergency if only for a -moment.</p> - -<p>I went down to give the hall-porter orders to wake me at five o'clock, -he was to have my bill ready, and I should expect a cab to be there for -my luggage. In crossing the lounge I came upon the three Englishmen who -were leaving the card-room. We had never exchanged a word, or a nod; I -thought them ignorant of our language. I was going straight past them, -when the one who was walking in front, a big, fair man, who looked an -athlete in his smoking-jacket, stopped right in front of me.</p> - -<p>"Good luck to your country, sir," he said.</p> - -<p>"Thank you."</p> - -<p>I mechanically held out my hand, which he shook hard.</p> - -<p>His two companions did likewise.</p> - -<p>I went upstairs again, feeling rather touched. Up there my scepticism -got the upper hand again. I thought.</p> - -<p>Will they stick to us, I wonder.</p> - -<p>An amusing idea occurred to me, of sending a post-card to the little -Landry girl to tell her of the incident. I took up a pen, but while -doing so it struck me that the girl would not see anything very funny -about it. Sentimentalise ... no thanks! I scrawled a few lines for her -without mentioning the occurrence.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_II" id="BOOK_II"><i>BOOK II</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 2nd-3rd</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIa" id="CHAPTER_VIa">CHAPTER VI</a></p> - -<p class="center">I GO BACK BY TRAIN</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is easy to imagine the influx of Frenchmen, hurrying in from -ten miles round, at Vallorbes station that morning, the second of -August; the procession of omnibuses, the piles of trunks, the pack of -distracted families overrunning the waiting-rooms, crowding round the -ticket offices, demanding directions and details which no one could -possibly have given them.</p> - -<p>The express, which turned up at the usual time, was taken by storm. -When would it get to Paris? They would guarantee nothing as to that.</p> - -<p>I had the luck to find myself a place as eighth in a second-class -carriage. Opposite me two old maids never stopped talking, in a -whisper, probably about everything on earth but the news of the day. A -<i>bourgeois</i> couple with a crew of sulky children argued for hours about -opening the windows.</p> - -<p>There was a minute inspection of the baggage at the Pontarlier -custom-house. Nothing occurred. We got back into the train. The speed -was fast until Dôle; there we slowed down noticeably.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span></p> - -<p>There was a long stop at Dijon. The station already seemed to be under -military occupation. Very few civilians on the platforms, but behind -the gates, the murmur of a crowd come for news, kept back by sentries -with fixed bayonets.</p> - -<p>The news-seller, despoiled of her wares, was hawking round nothing but -some illustrated comic and sporting papers; I bought two or three from -her, but did not read them.</p> - -<p>We left Dijon towards eleven o'clock. From there onwards, mad rushes, -sudden stoppages, and breathless progress, alternated.</p> - -<p>Laroche at last.</p> - -<p>There, the Paris papers had just arrived. We threw ourselves upon them. -I managed to get one. I was surrounded at once. People squashed up -against me to get at least a glimpse of the stop-press and headlines. -I was not very accommodating about exhibiting my paper, and I soon -succeeded in shaking them off, and getting back to my carriage.</p> - -<p>The train started off again.</p> - -<p>Standing up in the corridor, I admit that I read and re-read the -leading article without skipping a single line.</p> - -<p>I expected a good leader and was not disappointed. I relished the -indispensable paragraph on the past and future of France, on the sacred -union in face of the enemy.</p> - -<p>My neighbour nudged me with his elbow.</p> - -<p>"Oh! Isn't it just what everyone is thinking?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes."</p> - -<p>Exact information was what I really thirsted for. I remember two -headlines: "<i>To-morrow?</i>" and "<i>A Day at the Quai d'Orsay</i>." In a -prominent position the President's Proclamation. The article was a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> -success: the obvious thing to say. "Mobilisation is not war." But -there was no mistaking it; the spark had caught, the fire was already -crackling.</p> - -<p>I learnt the news of the preceding days, including the assassination of -Jaurès, merely from allusions—to me they were so many claps of thunder!</p> - -<p>One main point stood out: Germany's declaration of war on Russia. Like -a shot France was dragged in, automatically. A well-laid scheme on -the part of the Wilhelmstrasse. The odious article from the <i>Cologne -Gazette</i> which was reproduced everywhere had been a final eye-opener.</p> - -<p>One amusing detail: Hervé asking to be allowed to go! Another rather -shocked me: Telegrams from various places on "the Enthusiasm in the -Provinces...." I had just come from the provinces!</p> - -<p>I had finished reading. It was evident that my neighbour was dying -to talk. Feeling charitably disposed I gave him an opening. In five -minutes I had learnt all there was to know about his antecedents, his -family, and his profession. He had passed his legal examinations, -taking the degree of licentiate, and was the son of a lawyer. He was -coming back from Autun, the home of his maternal grandfather. What -times we were living through, sir! The day before when the official -telegram had arrived, ah, what enthusiasm there had been; I ought to -have seen the factory hands rushing out shouting: "To the front!"</p> - -<p>"You saw them then?"</p> - -<p>"Oh no, I didn't!"</p> - -<p>He had read this description in the <i>Mémorial d'Autun</i>.</p> - -<p>He asked me childish questions about our chances, and the schemes at -headquarters.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span></p> - -<p>I sententiously put forward the idea of an offensive in Alsace. He -jumped at it.</p> - -<p>"To take the offensive. Yes, yes. That was the only thing to be done."</p> - -<p>He had not many brains. It did not take him three minutes to regain the -Lost Provinces.</p> - -<p>He confided in me that he too was a non-commissioned officer in the -reserves, attached to the 74th Rouens. He was to rejoin the next -day. He asked my name, and gave me his address. He offered me his -friendship as a brother-in-arms. I was tempted to be touched by the -thought that here was one of the young men of my own age, who would -fight, and perhaps fall, at my side on the plains of Lorraine. But my -scepticism and coldness offered too strong a resistance, and when I -heard him exclaim: "If we've got to be killed, we've got to be, and -that's all about it!" my indignation was aroused. Sincere! He was -sincere enough; a puppet who came near to being a hero! There were such -beings, incapable of reasoning for themselves, always ready to set out -to fight for never mind which side. Yesterday for the Church. To-day -for the State. To-morrow for some social chimera. If it had only been -themselves they disposed of!... But they were in the majority, it was -they who oppressed us.</p> - -<p>Much irritated, I wickedly said to myself: "Let him sell his life -cheaply! It certainly isn't worth much!"</p> - -<p>I escaped from him and gained a distant door, whither he did not follow -me.</p> - -<p>Our journey was drawing to an end. The train had put on speed. With -shrieks of pride and whirling smoke and sparks, our powerful engine -dragged us towards the City, the huge magnet which, at this time was -rallying so many friendly forces. The intoxication of this attrac<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>tion -made itself felt twenty kilometres away. The six-fold rails gleamed in -the sun on the sand embankments. We thundered along, without slackening -our speed, through the suburb stations, whose names were slurred by our -haste. Crowds of people huddled together on the platforms, gazed at us -in respectful silence. Maisons-Alfort, Charenton. We went ahead of ten -trains which were crawling along the side lines, and speeding up their -connecting-rods in vain. Smoke darkened the air. We passed by high -houses, grimy with soot, whose windows, where the washing was put out -to dry overhung our cutting. Then came the metallic crash of the double -bridge flung across the rivers where they join,—the moat outside the -walls—Paris! We were in Paris!</p> - -<p>I was thrilled with excitement. Capital of the civilised world, head -of a great nation at war! From here had leaped out the old call -to arms! Leaning out, I tried to distinguish beyond the line of -railway-carriages, sidings and signal-boxes, in the streets skirting -the line, in the avenues we crossed on heavy iron bridges, the -residents, and passers-by, all those who had just lived through such -rousing hours here.</p> - -<p>I was impatient to mingle with them.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIa" id="CHAPTER_VIIa">CHAPTER VII</a></p> - -<p class="center">PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Rue d'Assas</span>. My <i>concierge</i> came out when she heard the taxi draw up.</p> - -<p>"We were expecting you, Mr. Dreher; I was sayin' as much to my 'usband, -only a minute ago."</p> - -<p>The man himself appeared. In his capacity as handyman he hoisted my -heavy trunk on to his shoulder, as if it were a plaything.</p> - -<p>"And when may you be going, Mr. Dreher?"</p> - -<p>"The day after to-morrow, and what about you?"</p> - -<p>"A week on Wednesday."</p> - -<p>"So there we are!" I said.</p> - -<p>"There we are! as you say, sir. It was bound to finish like this."</p> - -<p>My char-woman had had the happy inspiration of coming to do some -cleaning that morning, so I found my flat in order and well aired. -Having made a hasty toilet, I thought of various important errands.</p> - -<p>I had kept my taxi, luckily for me as the motor-omnibuses were no -longer running.</p> - -<p>It was five o'clock. I went to the Rue des Beaux-Arts first. My father -was not at home, so I left word with the old parlour-maid that I would -be there for dinner that evening.</p> - -<p>Many wants led me to a big shop. Nothing safer I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> thought than to buy -one's outfit oneself. I was lucky enough to find what I wanted quickly, -even in the boot line, where a crowd of people were being fitted.</p> - -<p>Having finished my shopping, I called to my chauffeur:</p> - -<p>"Rue du Helder!"</p> - -<p>At the head office of the "Abyssinian Railway Company" my director -welcomed me with open arms:</p> - -<p>"My dear fellow! You're going? Oh, I thought as much! Rather rough on -us! Duroty is going too. The best men, of course! I wonder whether we -shan't have to shut up shop."</p> - -<p>"And out there? How's the work getting on there?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, well ... it's just got to go on. The workmen are natives. The -engineers are the trouble.... Of course I ought to have had more sense -and taken Englishmen!"</p> - -<p>I went straight from there to the bank. It was shut. They were not -seeing any one. Luckily Forgues, my stockbroker, hooked me as I was -parleying in the waiting-room, and made me come in.</p> - -<p>He seemed to have collapsed completely; there must be bad news, I could -drag nothing out of him, as he sat there in his moleskin arm-chair, -but vague allusions, and an estimate, which was by the way entirely -incorrect, of the financial resources of the two parties concerned. -Germany had no reserve of gold. If we could hold out for two or three -months!</p> - -<p>"Are you going to fight?" I asked.</p> - -<p>"Oh, no, no! Since the Agadir business, you know, ... my wife's one -idea has been to get me put on half-pay. I thought it awful rot, but as -my heart is a bit weak ... my doctor has given me a certificate; I've -been to see a surgeon-major; no difficulties were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> made about it.... -And by Jove it's lucky for me now!... And what about you? You're not -going, I suppose."</p> - -<p>"I beg your pardon!"</p> - -<p>He seemed surprised. He had just seen several of his clients—Well, I -was the first....</p> - -<p>Feeling irritated, I cut him short with: "Can you let me have a certain -sum on account?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, but there's the moratorium...."</p> - -<p>Somewhat embarrassed, he entered into explanations which I listened to -with raised eyebrows:</p> - -<p>"To an old client like myself!"</p> - -<p>After renewed hesitation, he made up his mind: "Well, let's see, would -you need a large sum?"</p> - -<p>"No, let's say forty pounds."</p> - -<p>"Not more than that?"</p> - -<p>"A little gold, if possible."</p> - -<p>I had had time, in two hours, to notice how scarce the yellow metal was.</p> - -<p>Forgues raised his hands: That was impossible, quite impossible! I -wouldn't get it anywhere! Nobody would part with it!</p> - -<p>I persisted. He was a good sort at the bottom! Was it my (unique!!!) -position as a man about to be mobilised, which melted him? He ended by -handing over fifteen louis to me.</p> - -<p>I thanked him warmly and we shook hands.</p> - -<p>"And mind you don't get killed!"</p> - -<p>He spoke of it lightly. My gratitude ceased promptly.</p> - -<p>I suddenly bore him a desperate grudge for having coolly evaded the -great blood tax.</p> - -<p>I put in an hour, dawdling about. I bought an evening paper. There -was nothing startling in it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> unless it was M. de Schoen's last visit -to the Quai d'Orsay, but not even the most inveterate optimists could -any longer suggest that there was the faintest glimmer of hope. One -article signed "A Military Attaché" interested me. It was a study -on the probable forced attack, dear to the German heart, through -Belgium, towards the source of the Oise. It explained how the enemy, if -successful in getting so far, would be only ten days' march from Paris.</p> - -<p>I walked on absent-mindedly, crumpling the paper in my hand. Ten days' -march. It looked rather as if they were preparing the public for -what was to come! We had so little protection, it was true, against -the danger which threatened to swoop down upon us from the North. -Was the City destined, a few weeks hence, to undergo the horrors and -humiliation of a new siege? How quickly my mind was overwhelmed by -baleful visions born of the Fatal Year.</p> - -<p>I pulled myself up. Steady on! We were only just beginning.</p> - -<p>Never mind! The resemblance between yesterday and to-day obtruded -itself upon my mind. A comparison which ought to have been all in -favour of the present. There had been no lack of speeches and articles -extolling the revival of our energies for some years past. Was it -real or imaginary? What an opportunity it was to audit that? Not in -connection with myself. I deliberately set myself aside. But in the -great bulk of people; it was on them that our fate hung.</p> - -<p>Well, I was only partially reassured on this point.</p> - -<p>I think I should have preferred to see a tide of humanity sweeping -along the avenues as in July of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span> year '70; to a rasping -accompaniment of "Berlin!! To Berlin!"</p> - -<p>Cheek, of course, but heroic cheek, and proof of the warmness of their -hearts.</p> - -<p>While to-day! People were wandering about, plenty of them, it's true, -standing in front of the posters, theatres, and picture palaces, -thronging the open-air cafés, but you might have thought they had come -out on this summer evening solely for the sake of enjoying a breath -of the mild air. They talked quietly among themselves as they walked -up and down, or read the papers with an air of distrustful wisdom, -perfectly well aware that they were not being told everything. One -might have imagined oneself back in the days of the floods of 1910, -when the Parisian public would learn with apparent indifference that -such and such a quarter of their city was threatened with extinction.</p> - -<p>An irritating attitude in a crowd, at a time when—now or never—it -should have been moved, uplifted, carried away by great inspirations. -Who would believe that I asked myself in all seriousness if France -must be despaired of, if our country had not come to such a pass that -there was nothing to be done but to strike her off the map of Europe, -the victim as Hellas was of yore, of her excess of philosophy...? -This idea was distasteful to me.... But still! If there was nothing -to be done but to resign ourselves! We should go and start life again -elsewhere, in some free country like America.... Those who got out -alive! I still hoped to be among them.</p> - -<p>The thought also crossed my mind that we were taking part in a renewal -of the hardy and unassuming, the gay and tranquil qualities, which -were the attributes of our race.... We had not always been the most<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> -highly-strung people of the world; during the forty years of peace we -had recaptured our gifts; peace-lovers by nature and only entering the -lists under provocation, and in our own defence, perhaps we were to -astonish the universe anew by our valiance.</p> - -<p>Why not? The hypothesis appealed to my sense of vanity. Oh well, we -should see, we should see!</p> - -<p>Should I have retained any misgivings if my walk had led me to the -outskirts of the Gare de L'Est, where the people of Paris were -beginning to set such a sublime example of steadfastness, and dignity?</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIIa" id="CHAPTER_VIIIa">CHAPTER VIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">MY FATHER</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Seven</span> o'clock struck. I did not forget that I was dining in the Rue des -Beaux-Arts, and hurried towards the left bank of the river. On the way -I wondered what had dictated this visit? Was it filial affection? Not -at all. I was simply acting in accordance with a banal convention.</p> - -<p>My father had never taken any interest in me, even when quite tiny. As -my health, which was poor at that time, had prevented his thinking me -fit to be made into a soldier, I had been practically non-existent in -his eyes. Victor, my elder by two years, was everything to him. He had -him educated at La Flêche, though it cost him a lot, in order to steep -him, from his childhood, in military ideal and discipline.</p> - -<p>It is the dream of all fathers to be continued in their sons. Colonel -Dreher only wished to live over again in the hope of Revenge. I have -already said that he fought like a demon in the year '70. When a young -subaltern in the Guards, he had been in the charge at St. Privat, had -had his horse killed under him, and had got a bullet through his arm. -Captured at Metz, and taken on into Westphalia, he had found a way of -escaping, of reaching Holland, and of rallying Faidherbe's army in -time to get a splinter of shell in his thigh at<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> Bapaume. The news -of the armistice had found him in hospital, that of the treaty had -disgusted him. He who burned to go on fighting, who felt no fatigue! -The renunciation of the two Provinces had been a bitter blow, and the -counter-blows more bitter still.</p> - -<p>As a Lorrain of Lunéville, he had quite a number of near relations in -the neighbourhood of Sarrebourg, many of whom had not the courage to -ruin themselves by throwing their lot in with their true fatherland. -These people were dead for him, needless to say. But these repeated -misfortunes had done not a little to contribute to the growing gloom -of his character. He had rejoined his regiment and had been quartered -successively at Joigny, Moulins, and Rouen where he had married, and -lastly at Tours, where most of my childhood was spent. Decorated -for distinguished service in the field, a superb leader of men, he -would have been made a general but for his obstinate, though discreet -opposition to a government timorous enough to put up with such peace -terms.</p> - -<p>My mother, the one person I might really have loved, had died just as -I attained my fourteenth birthday. I had finished growing up under the -paternal tutelage. For a long time I succeeded in persuading myself -that the Colonel felt heaven knows what secret fondness for me. Then -with the audacity of youth, intoxicated by the first lucid glance I had -cast on life, I admitted to myself that I had been duped. I was of very -little account in this old man's eyes. Let him content himself with my -deference, as I did with his correction!</p> - -<p>There was no intimacy between us. As I grew up, our relations came to -be stamped with rather a cold courtesy, like that between strangers -thrown together by chance, for the space of a voyage. My father never<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> -asked me about my ambitions, once only about my immediate prospects; it -was after I had taken my second degree. He neither approved nor found -fault with my intentions.</p> - -<p>Having been placed on the retired list just at this point he came to -live in Paris. I never knew if it was to facilitate my studies.</p> - -<p>Three years went by, then my year of military service. On leaving the -regiment I felt the need of a separate establishment. No objections -were raised. My share of my mother's fortune already enabled me to -support myself, and my post in the Abyssinian Railway Company soon -brought me affluence. I dined with my father every Sunday, as I said -before. We exchanged opinions on the events of the week, without in any -way committing ourselves. He gave me news of Victor's household.</p> - -<p>On leaving St. Cyr, my brother, having chosen to go into the Colonial -infantry, had been sent to Rochefort to await his commission; and then -he went and fell in love with a girl he met at the "Cercle Militaire" -ball. At the request of her family, he had obtained leave to exchange -into the home forces. He had got married. My father had not blamed him -in the least for giving up a life of warlike adventure.</p> - -<p>Full of his one idea, the old soldier preferred to see his son on the -frontier ready for the day, which he always hoped was close at hand, -when war would break out.</p> - -<p>My brother! To think that when we were brought up together, before he -left for La Flêche, we were fond of each other!... Little by little -had come detachment and loss of affection.... To-day we were strangers -to each other. Our intercourse was confined<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> to the exchange of a few -post cards at New Year and Easter. My sister-in-law, Geneviève, a -pleasant, insignificant little creature, had been friendly to me at -the beginning; I had spent three days with them at St. Mihiel not long -ago, at her request. I was bored to tears. In future it would be quite -enough for me to see them during the short stays they made in the Rue -des Beaux-Arts, twice a year. I went when invited. My father seemed to -have grown young again. He cheered up and chatted, and played with his -grandchildren whom he was mad about. He adored his daughter-in-law too, -and paid her endless little attentions. It caused me no embarrassment -or jealousy to be present during these effusions.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>My father got up from his chair and came to meet me. He was drawn up to -his full height. His face beamed as I had expected.</p> - -<p>"You're pleased?" I said.</p> - -<p>"Yes. Oh, yes. I had given up all hope of seeing this!"</p> - -<p>The soup was brought in. I urged him to talk. He did not wait to be -asked twice. He had a good word for several of our politicians—an -astounding thing for him!—for the abettors of the "<i>loi de 3 ans</i>," -for the President of the Republic, for the President of the Council. -This mobilisation order was a good answer to the German measures! Tit -for tat! The rogues, we had our eye on them! Hour by hour we knew all -they were plotting and planning!... My father declared that he had gone -over completely to the Government. At such a time all differences must -be sunk. It struck me that he had gleaned these doctrines from his -newspaper. I admired the eternal authority of common<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>places. I suddenly -saw him searching his pockets. He had received a letter from St. Mihiel -this morning, as on every morning since the outbreak of the crisis. He -handed it to me.</p> - -<p>"It's from Geneviève."</p> - -<p>"Has Victor gone?"</p> - -<p>"He went four days ago."</p> - -<p>Mobilisation had not been expected over there. It was on Thursday, -the 30th, in the middle of the night that Geneviève, standing at her -window, her head framed by those of her two little children, had seen -her husband march away proudly, with raised sword, at the head of -his company. This vision intoxicated my father. It did not leave me -indifferent. And, like him, I approved of the steadfast, confident tone -of the young wife's letter. As to leaving St. Mihiel, she wrote, such a -thought had never entered their heads!</p> - -<p>"She's quite right," said my father; "the Prussians will never get -there; they'll soon be sent back again. You know we've already got -seven hundred thousand men on the frontier."</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"And Victor in the first line."</p> - -<p>His first-born, the re-incarnation of his imperious youth! The old -man's bellicose imagination rode along at his side. He explained to -me how, since the other day, he followed him hour by hour; he saw -him, having taken up his position on a spur of Mont-Secq, watching -the Woevre where the cavalry would soon be engaged. Though not very -familiar with the topography of this region, I understood the rôle -assigned to the covering forces, to hold on at all costs, in front of -the Côtes de Meuse even if attacked by forces ten<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> times superior in -number, while the concentration went on behind the hills.</p> - -<p>"A dangerous task, that!"</p> - -<p>"Yes," said my father. "Most of them will stay there."</p> - -<p>I examined him, furtively; his massive Lorrain's head, the ruddy face -beneath the white hair, the square jaw, the nose with a heavy, decided -bridge. Sturdy and tall like an old oak, his only complaint at the age -of sixty-seven was an occasional attack of rheumatism. I might have -been gazing at the portrait of some ancestor. Was he not indeed an -anachronism in our century. Taciturn and reserved, but upright, frank, -and sound all through, the hero of an exclusive faith, of a single hate -and a single love, he treated with scorn all human contingencies in the -exaltation of his passion. It is true that he loved my brother as much -as if he had been his only son. And yet if he were to go and get killed -in one of the first engagements, I could foresee that the old man would -weep, gnawing at his grey moustache, but in this sorrow he would taste -the joy of sacrifice. If France were victorious he would consider -success cheap at the price. Oh! how complete was the contrast between -us, I thought. I supple, and of medium height, owing the triumph over -my constitutional delicacy only to the tardy pursuit of sports. I, -smiling and polite as a matter of form, but a cynic and dissembler; I -who believed in nothing, loved and hated nothing!</p> - -<p>Led away by a natural inclination, he conjured up his recollections of -the other war: deeds of courage and cruelty, stories breathing blood -and powder, all ending in violence and murder. It woke him up and -en<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>raptured him to breathe the fumes of the slaughters of yesterday and -to-day.</p> - -<p>My demeanour and head tossings seemed to encourage him. Oh! if only he -could have read my thoughts. If he had guessed my detestation of all -fighting. My horror of physical suffering, the only true suffering in -my eyes, my longing for repose even without honour, my indifference -respecting my threatened country, the wish which I caught myself -forming—I had got as far as that!—to see our mobilisation hindered, -or even prevented altogether, the red flag hoisted, and our defeat -proclaimed before I had run any risk!</p> - -<p>My father, happily, had neither the taste nor the gift for probing -people's minds. His beliefs dazzled him with such shining proof that -he could not understand any one challenging them. He could not have -attributed thoughts like mine to any one but the scum of the nation, -degenerates, debased by sloth, vice, and alcohol. Strange that I should -be of his blood.</p> - -<p>The pudding was served. Mélanie handed round a chestnut cream. My -father led the conversation back to Victor. I discerned the great -longing in the old man's heart to see his son—the apple of his -eye—again, and to do him honour.</p> - -<p>"He won't be long now before he gets his company."</p> - -<p>I had never taken umbrage at the paternal solicitude. Why should -I suddenly to-day consider as strange an affection so much out of -proportion...? You might have thought my brother was the only one who -was going to risk his life.... And what about me? I ventured to draw -attention to the fact.</p> - -<p>"You'll be only in the second line."</p> - -<p>"I beg your pardon! Our division is attached to the 4th Corps on the -active list."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> - -<p>"When do you rejoin?"</p> - -<p>"The day after to-morrow."</p> - -<p>Then he deigned to ask me certain questions, this one among others:</p> - -<p>"How about your foot-gear?"</p> - -<p>I explained that the regulation boots hurt me.</p> - -<p>"That's a pity! A man with sensitive feet never makes a good soldier."</p> - -<p>He went on:</p> - -<p>"You'll remember you're a Lorrain!"</p> - -<p>But at that I came near to shaking my head. A Lorrain? Never. More -likely of the other race, my mother's. Or more likely still, of none -at all. There were too many strains in me; none of them succeeded in -getting the upper hand. I was the nameless product of concluding epochs.</p> - -<p>Time was getting on. I excused myself from staying late, and no efforts -were made to keep me.</p> - -<p>"You'll be busy to-morrow?"</p> - -<p>"All day long, unfortunately."</p> - -<p>"But still I'll try to look in to say good-bye" I added, "but I daren't -make any promises."</p> - -<p>I had quite made up my mind to do nothing of the sort.</p> - -<p>"Come and dine if you can."</p> - -<p>I had got as far as the hall. Mélanie turned on the light for us.</p> - -<p>I thought, as I buttoned my gloves, how well adapted the situation -would have been for the stage. The son leaving for the Front. The great -Farewell scene. Even a second-rate actor could have drawn tears from -the public in it.... I, as actor and spectator combined, experienced -not the faintest trace of emotion. Nor, to a certainty, did my father. -So much the better!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> In that case we were sure to escape being -ridiculous. Why did it again occur to me that if it had been Victor...?</p> - -<p>"Well, good-bye, Father." I said.</p> - -<p>"Good-bye, Michel."</p> - -<p>He held out his broad wrinkled hand to me. To my surprise, it was -shaking.</p> - -<p>I had opened the door part way, and was on the point of going out, when -he drew me back. I suddenly saw his face, with its white beard, bending -over me. He kissed me. It was, I think, the first time for ten years.</p> - -<p>"Fight well!"</p> - -<p>"I promise you I will."</p> - -<p>I went quickly down the steps feeling quite staggered. Hardly had I -reached the bottom, when I recovered myself. I asked myself, mockingly, -whether I had not been affected by the traditional emotion?</p> - -<p>A little, I admitted.</p> - -<p>But I had the decency not to scoff at it openly.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IXa" id="CHAPTER_IXa">CHAPTER IX</a></p> - -<p class="center">MY FRIEND</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">My</span> char-woman woke me by bringing me the papers, which I read in bed.</p> - -<p>To think that it had not come yet! It was true that all intercourse -had been broken off between Berlin and St. Petersburg, and even on our -frontier there had already been some deaths, the Samain brothers and -the Curé de Moineville. Provocations and outrages were multiplying and -increasing in severity. Our forces nevertheless were still kept back -two miles from the frontier. M. de Schoën was still about. They were -talking!</p> - -<p>The papers did not cover more than a page now, and were quickly read. -They all contained the same incoherent <i>communiqués</i> and the rare -telegrams which were allowed by the censor (already!) to trickle -through.</p> - -<p>Details in plenty on the manifestations in Paris and in the provinces. -The same old story! In one of them there was a technical article headed -"The Defence of Nancy." This title interested me. I, like most other -people, felt so certain that this town was doomed; at the mercy of the -first masterly move.</p> - -<p>What baffled me was the placid, docile attitude of my friends the -socialists. How little one heard of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> them! It was true that the censor -... but never mind! Jaurès, as he was dying, had left them the order -to go on, and they were going on. Closed ranks and obedience and -confidence were the orders of the day. Arguments were left for another -time! and on my honour, it was very fine!</p> - -<p>My purchases of the preceding day were delivered. I asked the boy who -brought them, if he was going to fight.</p> - -<p>"Of course!"</p> - -<p>He was a cheery soul. He liked the idea of knocking the Bosches on the -head; he had no great opinion of them chaps. And then besides that, it -was worth takin' a bit o' trouble to get a breath of fresh air, for -him whose week had been spent in running errands, and his Sundays as -assistant in a picture palace, for how long...? Blowed if it wasn't -five blooming years—yes, ever since he was a nipper of seventeen—he'd -never set eyes on the country....</p> - -<p>Were there many like that, I wondered.</p> - -<p>When I tried on my boots they seemed to me to squeeze me. Was there a -pad in the heel? I put in my hand but brought nothing out. I should -have to squash the counter to make it more pliable.</p> - -<p>No business called me out-of-doors. My list of errands had been -exhausted the day before. What friend should I go to see? They would -all be running about the town in the excitement and emotion of -departures and farewells. I would go and dine with Laquarrière this -evening, that would be enough for me. I had made up my mind that the -streets would look just as commonplace as they had yesterday, and I -should get all the information I wanted from the newspapers.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p> - -<p>I stayed quietly at home, looking through my papers and reading over -some old letters. The idea of making my will occurred to me.... But, -when once I was gone, what would it matter to me?</p> - -<p>My friends in the regiment would have laughed if they had known to what -I had been tempted to consecrate my day, ever since I woke up. I went -and fished up a book in a grey cover from the bottom of my book-case; -my old <i>Handbook for Non-Commissioned Officers</i>.</p> - -<p>I had not opened the book since the beginning of my military service, -not even when I had been put in command of a section. It was quite -possible, to-day, in view of the deficiency of officers, that I should -be given a commission.</p> - -<p>So I lunched at home. I got through almost the whole of the book; -for instance the "Section in Action," and "Field Operations," -"Alimentation," and "Hygiene," such chapters as I agreed with in letter -and in spirit. But with what disdain did I skip everything concerning -peace time or even garrison duty.</p> - -<p>Towards evening, somebody rang the bell: Laquarrière.</p> - -<p>I greeted him with, "A good idea, old fellow! I was coming round to say -good-bye."</p> - -<p>"Oh yes, of course. You're off!" he said.</p> - -<p>He had escaped his military service, thanks to being slightly -short-sighted, and to the fact that he could demand a good deal of -interest.</p> - -<p>He was my only intimate. We had never been parted during our school -days at the <i>lycèe</i> at Tours. We had come up to Paris in the same year -to begin our legal studies. The Bar had attracted him; he seemed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span> -to be going to succeed there; he had been accepted when still quite -young as secretary to the "Conférence." We met almost every evening; -we dined and then idled together; our tastes agreed. Together we had -forged a philosophy, drawn from various sources, which fulfilled -all our requirements. How completely our ideas harmonised in our -wholesale scorn for people and things, and for ourselves, our hatred of -appearances and of Sentiment! We were candid, almost to the point of -brutality, in our dealings with each other. Courtesy and consideration -were well enough for fools. I took a delight in the thought that our -surly bearing towards each other hid a firm friendship.</p> - -<p>"You stay here, I suppose! Your usual luck!"</p> - -<p>He found nothing to say to me but:</p> - -<p>"Bah! Some will come back, after all!"</p> - -<p>"To think," I continued, "that in a fortnight I may be under fire!"</p> - -<p>"Yes. I can see you at it!"</p> - -<p>"How do you think I shall get on?"</p> - -<p>"Not brilliantly!"</p> - -<p>"What do you know about it?"</p> - -<p>"I know you."</p> - -<p>I protested;</p> - -<p>"That's idiotic! I'm sure there's a special grace given to uphold you!"</p> - -<p>He conceded:</p> - -<p>"That's true enough. One must be utterly dazed and allow oneself to be -driven, without knowing what one is doing or where one is going."</p> - -<p>This opinion shocked me.</p> - -<p>"You exaggerate! I admit that may be so for the <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>soldiers, wretched -beasts of burden, ... but when once you are an N.C.O., and have -responsibility of some kind...."</p> - -<p>"One more chance of losing your head."</p> - -<p>I denied it. I, for instance, absorbed by the anxiety of leading my -men, was sure partially to forget the danger....</p> - -<p>"Bah! Once there, morale is the only thing that counts."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"You won't get me to believe...."</p> - -<p>I hesitated, then I said:</p> - -<p>"After all. If I am going to fight, it only depended on me ... I was in -Switzerland...."</p> - -<p>He sneered:</p> - -<p>"No humbugging! You came back for reasons which had nothing at all -to do with patriotism! Simply because if you had not done so, your -position, your cash, and your little mode of living, would all have -gone overboard at one fell blow."</p> - -<p>His words reminded me of the vague hopes which had suggested themselves -to me two days before.</p> - -<p>"Listen! I certainly won't hide from you the fact that I envy you. I -should be delighted to stay under shelter like you. And yet ... shall -I own up to a certain kind of curiosity? War? This War. The greatest -of all! It seems to me that it's worth experiencing. What an amazing -opportunity for accumulating memories, and also of refreshing oneself, -of drawing near to nature!"</p> - -<p>He exploded. Good Heavens! Did I think it would have the faintest -interest for me! Was not the peculiarity of modern campaign a terrible -tedium? You never see the enemy. You spend days in shovelling ground -about. The operations are on such a vast<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> scale that the majors and -colonels themselves often do not follow them in the least.</p> - -<p>"And you're counting on it for distraction and refreshment. Poor old -chap! It would have been well worth making yourself scarce. Well, -you're in for it now. What do you want? Regeneration by war! Back -to the land! I'm quite content! If you consider that your life was -becoming too monotonous, go and amuse yourself by getting a piece of -shrapnel into you, over yonder towards Epinal! That will wake you up a -bit!"</p> - -<p>He had beaten me. I contented myself with assuming a jeering -expression, in order to let him think I had been pulling his leg.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Xa" id="CHAPTER_Xa">CHAPTER X</a></p> - -<p class="center">EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was time to go and dine. I bought a paper directly we got out. -Laquarrière exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"What thirst for news!"</p> - -<p>"I admit it."</p> - -<p>"And you expect to find it in the papers!"</p> - -<p>It was a fact that I searched in vain for any definite news concerning -the serious military and diplomatic situations. Always the same -system of brief, touched-up telegrams. One would so much have liked -to be certain of England's attitude. However, the theory of Italian -neutrality seemed to be confirmed; one good point!</p> - -<p>"What will the flying machines do?" I asked suddenly.</p> - -<p>The subject interested me. I had visions of raids and fantastic combats -<i>à la</i> Wells.</p> - -<p>"Nothing at all!" Laquarrière broke in. "They haven't a ghost of a -chance against Zeppelins."</p> - -<p>He embarked on the praises of these Dreadnoughts of the air, one of -which had gone two thousand kilometres without a stop, a few months -before.</p> - -<p>"I shouldn't be surprised to see them over Paris to-night!"</p> - -<p>I tossed my head. He continued:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Besides, as regards aeroplanes, you mustn't imagine that we're in -any way superior to them in that line. They've beaten all our records -lately, distance and height."</p> - -<p>It was only one detail among many. He did not hide from me the fact -that he had an extremely poor opinion of our state of preparation. -Cipollina's tone and mistrust were repeated in him. I ventured to -remark:</p> - -<p>"Our troops in the East are tip-top."</p> - -<p>He shrugged his shoulders.</p> - -<p>"Perhaps, but you are hardly up to the same form."</p> - -<p>What could one say without losing one's temper, a thing I was not in -the least anxious to do.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>After leaving the restaurant, we took a turn on the boulevards, where -the increasing crowd was gathering. Lost in the streams of people, -alternately bumped into or elbowed, it was impossible to keep up a -connected conversation. So much the better. I was quite willing to -forget the presence of my companion.</p> - -<p>I was haunted by the thought that it was my last evening of liberty -...; after to-morrow my uniform would impose upon me the strictest -restraint. I was making use of the final respite. I inhaled without -displeasure the dusty air laden with the smells of acetylene gas and -human emanations.</p> - -<p>A lot of the shop windows had their shutters up and looked dismal, -and looking up one could make out insolent German inscriptions. Angry -<i>bourgeois</i> muttered as they passed, clenching their fists. People -were talking of nothing but the hasty dismissals of the day before. -The other shops flaunted their dazzling electric lights. The luminous -sky-signs, intermit<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>tent and hallucinating, unrolled flamboyant zigzags -and blazing coils. An unreal scene, well suited to the agitation of -the hour! Soon it would be quenched and blotted out and dismal.... -Paris was lavishing her final brilliance. What gaps were to be made by -to-morrow's call in this multitude promenading their quivering city -with such pride! I tried to read his secret on the face of each man of -an eligible age for military service. Was he going to rejoin? and I -felt inclined to shout to him:</p> - -<p>"I'm going, you know; I'm one of you!"</p> - -<p>My glance rested approvingly on the sturdy-looking fellows whose -martial air under their <i>képis</i> I could well imagine. With their heads -held high and their hands behind their backs, most of them looked about -them with a superlatively good-natured expression, quite innocent of -swagger.</p> - -<p>Laquarrière shouted down my ear:</p> - -<p>"You all look as if you were starting out for a day's shooting!"</p> - -<p>Oh! so I looked like the rest? Well, I was not sorry for it!</p> - -<p>My companion persuaded me to finish up the evening in a music hall.</p> - -<p>The place was full. Lots of people were treating themselves to an -evening's amusement before the coming horrors. There was a sketch, -followed by several acrobatic turns. The audience was enthusiastic. But -I was struck, nevertheless, by the coldness with which "the eccentric" -Fergusson, usually the idol of the public, was received.</p> - -<p>Laquarrière enlightened me by remarking:</p> - -<p>"That will teach England to buck up a bit!"</p> - -<p>We laughed together over the childishness of crowds,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> for this -"eccentric" said to be a Londoner, had perhaps been born at Javel. The -three Alkenkirch brothers, the Dresden tight-rope walkers, had also -disappeared from the programme.</p> - -<p>Laquarrière whispered:</p> - -<p>"They would have been torn to pieces! Just look at the brutes."</p> - -<p>I had to echo him, but I thought to myself that if ever there had been -a time when Chauvinism was excusable....</p> - -<p>The show came to an end. There was not the usual rush for the doors -when the curtain fell on the final scene of the little <i>revue</i>.</p> - -<p>"The best part is still to come!" whispered my companion.</p> - -<p>A murmur ran through the crowd, and swelled into "<i>La Marseillaise! La -Marseillaise!</i>"</p> - -<p>Laquarrière nudged me with his elbow.</p> - -<p>"Now we're off!"</p> - -<p>He assured me that the orchestra had had orders to delay striking up in -order to give the audience time to work itself up.</p> - -<p>True enough the uproar was increasing. The audience were on their feet, -waving their sticks, and violently demanding:</p> - -<p>"<i>La Marseillaise!</i>"</p> - -<p>Laquarrière called my attention to the courtesans in the promenade, -who, delighting in an evening which promised to be fruitful, stood on -tiptoe leaning on the arms of their chance-met companions, and stamping -and shouting: "<i>La Marseillaise!</i>"</p> - -<p>The conductor's bâton gave three short taps. On the sudden abatement -of the tumult, rose the superb rhythm of the opening notes,—a virile -introduction.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p> - -<p>All the men had bared their heads simultaneously.</p> - -<p>No; not all.</p> - -<p>"Hats off!" shouted someone behind us.</p> - -<p>For whom was the order meant? For Laquarrière, I could see. He shrugged -his shoulders to show that it pleased him to thwart such a fool. But -the moment was ill-chosen. Other voices, already grown threatening, -repeated:</p> - -<p>"Hats off! Hats off!"</p> - -<p>He gave way, smiling scornfully.</p> - -<p>The orchestra excelled themselves. At the opening of the refrain the -general attention was caught and held by the imperative call of the -repeated high note, and the feelings of the audience carried away by -the well-marked rhythm of the melody. A warlike jollity was abroad. I -swear I had a momentary vision of risen troops hurling themselves in -serried ranks against the hostile masses. I shivered. I was entering -into communion with the multitude....</p> - -<p>Laquarrière leant towards me and made some remark which I did not -catch, but which I had to acknowledge with a smile.... My trance was -over, I listened untroubled to the crash of the brasses, as it grew -in intensity and rose headlong to the heights, to die away in wild -flourishes. Then from two thousand throats there rose a clamour which -rolled like thunder round the roof. A new thrill ran through me; I was -just going to shout ... when Laquarrière seized me by the arm.</p> - -<p>"Let's be off!"</p> - -<p>"Nice patriots!" he mocked; "all these fine fellows who came to gaze at -a pretty pair of legs."</p> - -<p>That restored things to their proper proportions.</p> - -<p>"But what about you? It shook you up a bit, eh?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p> - -<p>I denied it obstinately.</p> - -<p>He walked back with me. We talked of nothing but the most ordinary -things on the way. I was preoccupied, almost melted. Why?... good -heavens! because in a few minutes I was going to part from the only -friend of my childhood, from the only fellow being who really knew -me....</p> - -<p>Should we ever see each other again?</p> - -<p>In spite of my instinctive horror of any display of feeling, I could -not help imagining that some heartfelt word would pass between us, some -brotherly embrace draw us closer to each other ... and the prospect -moved me.</p> - -<p>Laquarrière soon settled the matter.</p> - -<p>When we got to my door, he stopped suddenly and held out his hand -saying:</p> - -<p>"Well, so long, old chap! Hope your pack will weigh lightly on you!"</p> - -<p>It just hit the nail on the head.</p> - -<p>"So long, old chap!" I repeated.</p> - -<p>He went off, swinging his stick.</p> - -<p>Oh well, it was quite natural! We were nothing to each other. Nobody -was anything to any one.... What idle fancies I had woven!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_III" id="BOOK_III"><i>BOOK III</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 4th-9th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIa" id="CHAPTER_XIa">CHAPTER XI</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE FIRST STAGE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Montparnasse</span> station—cold and grey on this dull August morning. -Groups of people, each setting out with its escort, might be seen -streaming in from all the neighbouring turnings towards the square -which the last tooting trams were crossing. They formed but one swarm, -scattered and renewed without ceasing. There was nothing like these -huge quivering masses, the preoccupation of all Paris, magnificent in -their emotion and courage, who succeeded each other at the Gare de -L'Est. Poor women, young and old looking almost equally faded, were -carrying old handkerchiefs containing the possessions of their husbands -and sons,—working-men in broad belts. Beside them, fathers wearing -decorations and beautifully dressed mothers and sisters surrounded -young <i>bourgeois</i> dragging heavy kit-bags. All these people were -holding back their tears and smiling, saying that they would see each -other again!</p> - -<p>As for me, I was alone. I was leaving nothing behind me. So much the -better; I was glad of it. I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> was starting on the great adventure, with -an entirely open mind, in the rôle of an on-looker.</p> - -<p>The two staircases were barricaded. Only one entrance was open, -reserved for soldiers carrying their railway warrants in their hands. -I followed the stream. We climbed the slope. From the road below -passers-by made us signs of encouragement. I noted the quick sprightly -steps of most of my companions. Mine were rather slower but firm and -decided nevertheless. I unconsciously adopted the gait of a man who -means to see the thing through.</p> - -<p>I should, I thought, see nearly all my contemporaries in the regiment -turning up at this meeting-place. I rejoiced at the thought of spying -out, on each one's forehead, the reflection of his private feelings.</p> - -<p>The comrades of my twenty-first year! There is no age at which a life -lived in common is responsible for forming more attachments than this -one, but I was among those who had made the fewest friends during those -ten months. I had had a room to myself in town, while many of them -agreed to share with two or three others. I was considered a bore; a -report which I had started, a state of affairs which I exploited, in -order to escape endless fatigues. Beyond that I was neither liked nor -disliked. They mistrusted my coldly mystifying disposition, they envied -me the calm insolence with which I defied my non-commissioned officers. -When the time came for separation, and the exchange of addresses, I did -as the others did; without any illusions; nobody would bother to look -me up, I felt sure. I was mistaken. Someone did come: Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>He was a grotesquely ugly chap, with a great thick red nose, -short-sighted eyes, and a hoarse voice. A<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> chatter-box, energetic and -obliging, loved and chaffed by everyone. What should he do but get the -idea into his head of keeping in touch with all those he had considered -good fellows down there! And he had almost succeeded in doing so. He -was the living index which one need only consult for information on -the fate of all the old lot in our platoon. He dropped in to see me -from time to time, on his way from the office where he vegetated as a -clerk. We dined together on those evenings, and for him, I deserted -Laquarrière, who, having caught sight of him one day, did not spare me -his sarcasms on my grotesque "regimental friend."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I arrived in the station. It was swarming with reservists leaving to -rejoin their regiment. Not many faces that I recognised. One already -felt lost, and groups were formed instinctively.</p> - -<p>The first one I shook hands with was Laraque, the handsome Laraque, -whose rosy shaven face and marked features, prepossessing and imperious -at the same time, gave him simultaneously the air of a Roman Emperor or -of a ballad prince.</p> - -<p>"Well, there we are!" he said. "Killing, what?"</p> - -<p>"Killing, oh rather. Got your ticket?"</p> - -<p>"What do you imagine! I think they might give us a free trip!"</p> - -<p>His tone showed me where I was. I could see that it was going to be the -proper thing to take everything as a joke. Not to show one's feelings -in any way.... Good! We should see how long that would last! I should -have my revenge as an on-looker.</p> - -<p>Faron joined us, the son of the professor at the Sorbonne. He himself -was a barrister, thin, energetic,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> and impenetrable. He buried himself -in his newspapers. Then Holveck small and witty. He had just started -a bank, with a branch in New York. Ladmiraut, an old Normalien with -a puffy face and thick, hanging lips, an erudite pedant and a simple -soul who used to be the picked target for all the practical jokes. Big -Denais, the finished type of the don't-care-a-blow-for-any-one shover. -Fortin, who had taken a degree in history, a lecturer and public -speaker, not long returned from Germany, and already in search of a -public.</p> - -<p>It was a very lively scene. All meeting and recognising and calling to -one another.</p> - -<p>"Helloa Miquel, is that you?"</p> - -<p>"What a nice surprise!"</p> - -<p>"No! it must be a put-up job!"</p> - -<p>They were all here, all going to fight. But with what will, I could not -yet decide.</p> - -<p>Our train, the 7:16, was almost due. Laraque dragged me away towards -the platform, out of breath and purple in the face, his hat and -eye-glass on one side. He wiped his damp forehead and shiny nose.</p> - -<p>"Do you know what delayed me?"</p> - -<p>We did not listen to his story, he realised it, and cut it short.</p> - -<p>"And ... what about the old lot?"</p> - -<p>I mentioned some names and expressed my surprise at not seeing Boutet.</p> - -<p>"What! You haven't heard about it! Poor wretch! He's been at Berck, for -the last six months."</p> - -<p>"Oh, I say ... that's the limit," said Laraque.</p> - -<p>He laughed, but I felt that it was only half in fun.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin continued:</p> - -<p>"I came across little Frémont outside."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Oh!"</p> - -<p>"He couldn't tear himself away from his wife."</p> - -<p>"What, Frémont married?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, rather, six weeks ago."</p> - -<p>Just think of that. The idea amused me. He had been the youngest in the -platoon, enlisting at the age of eighteen, though he did not look more -than sixteen. He was as beardless and fresh as a girl and scared at -first by the round oaths in the barrack-room ... and now he was married!</p> - -<p>"What's his wife like?"</p> - -<p>"Also quite young. They're like two children! She wants to go to F—— -with him."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The journey lasted just four hours.</p> - -<p>We had scrambled into one of the "commandeered" carriages which within -a few days would take us on to the scene of action.</p> - -<p>We were gay with a gaiety in some cases spontaneous but for the most -part, assented to, though neither forced nor painful. Magnificent -inconsequence! And the delight of meeting again like schoolboys at the -beginning of the October term.</p> - -<p>At certain moments we touched lightly upon some subject of serious -discussion. England?... Oh yes! England!... Some facetious remark soon -put an end to it. Holveck turned to Guillaumin:</p> - -<p>"You'll have to do away with your eye-glass."</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"Because of the splinters ... if you get a bullet in your eye!"</p> - -<p>This sally raised a general laugh. Through the open windows our gaze -roved over the countryside. It was a little depressing no doubt. This -war! How<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> many would set eyes on this landscape again next year!... But -let's hope for the best whatever happens. After all, it simply meant -that manœuvres would last rather longer than usual!... This state -of affairs would not last for ever; two or three months, six at the -most! and it would be all over!... and Philoppon, the fair-haired dandy -who had been brought to the station in a car by his people, already -had visions of next winter, which he expected to spend as usual on the -Riviera.</p> - -<p>"I tell you what, you chaps, I shall see an extraordinary improvement -in it after the war, what!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On our arrival we went straight to the barracks.</p> - -<p>The weather was stormy. In crossing F—— I was reminded of our former -route marches.... Our platoon heading the battalion. The company -commander gave us as guide a great lout of a sergeant who kept up a -stream of invectives. All the world and his wife were at the windows. -Left—Right! Left—Right! Our pace quickened going up the hill, and -we had to hang on to each other in order to keep our intervals. What -an effort it was, weighed down, and with the muscles of the thigh -contracted, and those of the calf aching, to cover the last lap.</p> - -<p>I called these things to mind now all the more easily because I -again found myself struggling with my pack on the same ascent. I was -perspiring, and already tired and depressed. And then in those days I -had the buoyancy and the enthusiasm of youth, and facing these trials I -used to say to myself, "It's got to be gone through!" I had the feeling -that I was buying repose for the rest of my life.</p> - -<p>What a sigh I had heaved when my time was up.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> I had thought my period -of physical constraint, the most trying of all, over and done with!... -And now I had got to go through it all over again.... Worse even than -that. The hardest part by far still awaited me!... How I loathed in -advance the bitter hardships to come, the defilades at the double, the -tramps across the ploughed fields under the crushing weight of the -pack, all the cursed, humiliating, bodily subjection.</p> - -<p>But I made a childish vow not to "overdo" things, as they say.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIa" id="CHAPTER_XIIa">CHAPTER XII</a></p> - -<p class="center">NEW COMRADES AND OLD</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Having</span> registered my name the sergeant on duty snapped:</p> - -<p>"The 22nd! They're in the College, Rue St. Paul."</p> - -<p>One thing delighted me. Guillaumin was attached to the same unit. I -had so often experienced his good-nature and devotion. He would be -invaluable, perfect, on active service.</p> - -<p>But what other non-coms., should we have as companions?</p> - -<p>Directly we got to our quarters, we saw two men detach themselves -from the group standing there. Two more of the old lot, two -school-teachers.... Guillaumin whispered their names to me—Descroix, a -squat, red-haired chap, with an imperial and a clumsy way of walking; -and Humel, a small slight man with a thin pale face, and a rather -cunning expression. We greeted one another cordially, pretending to -congratulate ourselves on the lucky chance. They lost no time in -addressing us in the most familiar terms, and we put on no side. -Conversation soon began to lag, however, as we lacked any interests in -common.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin suddenly went off. He brought back a man named De Valpic to -introduce to us. He was tall<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> and slim and distinguished-looking with a -gentle, sad expression.</p> - -<p>As he was already in uniform the company sergeant-major, who was -passing, requisitioned him.</p> - -<p>When he had gone, we asked Guillaumin who he was.</p> - -<p>"Oh, you know the De Valpics—the historical ones! He is the -ambassador's nephew. I met him in camp at Mailly, and he asked me to -go and see him—A mansion in the Rue de Grenelle, with a courtyard of -sixty yards. But quite unspoilt, a very good sort, you'll see!"</p> - -<p>"He'd better not give himself airs here!" said Descroix.</p> - -<p>He and Humel did not seem in the least disposed to make friends with -the new-comer.</p> - -<p>Reservists kept on arriving in an uninterrupted string, their rejoining -orders in their hands.</p> - -<p>"Here are the people we're going to get killed with," Guillaumin said. -"What sort do they look?"</p> - -<p>Beaucerons for the most part, reserved, obstinate, weather-beaten -beings, who did not talk much. When they did it was with a guttural -accent. I was able to identify the faces of a certain number of worthy -farmers, the Simeons and Gaudéreaux whom I had noticed during my year's -services. From a distance they all seemed our elders, with their scored -faces, and their bodies bent and thickened by the rough work in the -fields. A minority of Parisians were making four times more noise than -the others. I raised my eyebrows. I had caught sight of Judsi with his -queer clown's face—a bad stock—and further on, Lamalou, a huge fellow -with a weakness for the fair sex, who had come back from the punishment -battalions in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> Africa; a good sort, but terrible when he had been -drinking.</p> - -<p>"The deuce!" I said to Guillaumin. "We've got some bad hats."</p> - -<p>"They make the best soldiers!"</p> - -<p>Judsi was raising roars of laughter by handing round the hat, his hat, -an extraordinary object which he must have picked up for fun on the -high road.</p> - -<p>"Help a pore man!"</p> - -<p>He humbugged: Didn't his pals agree that it was just the time to go -and fetch a few kilos of red wine? Who knew whether they wouldn't have -kicked the bucket by to-morrow.</p> - -<p>He ended by collecting about four francs. He went off and came back in -ten minutes' time carrying seven or eight bottles.</p> - -<p>They made him a speech, they smacked each other on the back, they went -into fits simply at the sight of him clicking his tongue or rolling his -eyes.</p> - -<p>I suddenly caught sight of someone coming towards me ... the brick -red cheeks, the flat nose, the crisp hair, and full lips exposing the -receding gums ... all these were familiar to me. The man was wearing a -dirty grey suit. He held out his hairy paw to me.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, my 'rooky'!"</p> - -<p>The sound of his voice enabled me to place him.</p> - -<p>"Bouillon!"</p> - -<p>Eight years before, when I first joined, I had found him rejoicing in -good conduct and efficiency badges, and acting as barrack-room orderly. -The excellent fellow had at once taken me under his protection, and had -seen me through the first three weeks, teaching me the rudiments of -manual and platoon exercises. He was not a little proud of it. I was -"his rooky."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> A little later on Bouillon had got into trouble. He had -been led away by Lamalou, and mixed up in some night brawl, and had -lost his stripes in consequence. When I rejoined the company I had been -able, without causing him any humiliation to get him attached to me as -bâtman and we had both congratulated ourselves on our understanding, he -because I occasionally gave him a tip to supplement his weekly three -francs, I because my kit was so well cared for, from that day onwards.</p> - -<p>I had not seen him since. The joy of having found me again lit up his -face.</p> - -<p>He said insinuatingly:</p> - -<p>"If only you could get me into your section?"</p> - -<p>I promised to try and arrange the matter for him shortly.</p> - -<p>"That chap seems very much attached to you," said Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"Pooh! He hopes to get some money out of me!"</p> - -<p>A quartermaster-sergeant who had re-enlisted accosted us:</p> - -<p>"I say, you're the N.C.O.'s of the 22nd, aren't you? Come and get -changed: Then you can lend a hand ... with the men!"</p> - -<p>We followed him to the clothing-store which had been installed in a -yard.</p> - -<p>An officer was there, a sub-lieutenant in the reserves, a young -fellow with a fine head, and a long brown moustache, which he twirled -mechanically. We reported ourselves to him. He timidly asked each one -of us what our profession was.</p> - -<p>"That's right!" he said approvingly; "quite right. Yes!"</p> - -<p>There was a superb lot of regulation trousers, tunics, and greatcoats.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin marvelled at them.</p> - -<p>"Some preparation—what!—in spite of all they say!"</p> - -<p>We soon found what we wanted, all that is, except him, whose arms were -so long as to be out of all proportion.</p> - -<p>We laughed at his build, resembling that of a monkey.</p> - -<p>"First-rate for bayonet work!" he retorted.</p> - -<p>We were ready. The quartermaster brought us a dozen men.</p> - -<p>"The first batch!"</p> - -<p>A nice business this: these two hundred fellows to fit out! They all -kept coming out of turn. And they weren't a bit easy to manage, as they -did not care a rap for us! And then how nice and easy it was to find -one's way about among these marks. M III, G II, E IV...! A foul dust -flew out of the piles of clothing which were lying about, out of the -heaps of caps which had come undone.... And the stink of these people -in their shirt-sleeves!... Heavens! I did the best thing I could do -under the circumstances, and bolted surreptitiously.</p> - -<p>Having got over the railings I saluted a couple standing on the -pavement, hand-in-hand. Little Frémont and his wife whom I thought -insignificant-looking. I went on, but was not displeased at the idea of -his being in the 22nd; one more pleasant comrade.</p> - -<p>I did not reappear in quarters until evening. Guillaumin at once warned -me charitably to look out! I was marked! Descroix and Humel had soon -noticed my disappearance and had made no bones about reporting me. The -quartermaster had stormed and raged; a regular hullabaloo!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What does it matter!" I interrupted.</p> - -<p>I saw, however, that there was a certain amount of danger in allowing -a hostile clan to form itself at the very beginning. I went into the -little room reserved for us. I found Descroix in his shirt-sleeves, and -offered him a cigarette, which he accepted. Humel came back, and we -joked. Neither of them uttered a word about the afternoon's occurrence.</p> - -<p>However, the quartermaster-sergeant came to tell me, in a tone that I -did not half like, that I had been warned for orderly duty at the gates.</p> - -<p>"Who detailed me?"</p> - -<p>"The sergeant-major."</p> - -<p>The others were chuckling inwardly. I made the best of a bad job. All -right! My turn would come in time no doubt! I was looking for the -necessary equipment when a counter order arrived. The guard would be -drawn entirely from the 23rd to-day.</p> - -<p>Still better! I went out calmly, taking Guillaumin with me. Frémont had -vanished. We met De Valpic:</p> - -<p>"Are you coming to dine with us?"</p> - -<p>He excused himself. Not this evening, he preferred to rest.</p> - -<p>Rest after what? His refusal shocked me. If he was going to refuse to -associate with us, he would have to be taken down a peg.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIIa" id="CHAPTER_XIIIa">CHAPTER XIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">KNOCKS AND CONTACTS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Each</span> morning, for the next three days, we got part of our equipment. -The quality of the leather goods was excellent, the arms were in -first-rate order, the linen clean and of a kind to wear well. There -were some details not up to the mark, the haversacks were only -moderately good, most of the water-bottles leaked or smelt bad. -Bouillon, however, got me all I wanted in the way of new things, and it -was, thanks to him too, that the battalion cobbler deigned to put nails -into my boots.</p> - -<p>In the afternoons my only idea was to "leg it."</p> - -<p>In theory we were not allowed out until after five o'clock; but as a -matter of fact our stripes over-awed the sentry, the sergeant in charge -took care not to see us on condition, of course, that we should do as -much for him sometime.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin stayed in billets for the first two days, hoping to make -himself useful. I found him in a state of exasperation when I got back -in the evening; they had made no use of him, nor of the men, for that -matter.... Oh yes, I beg your pardon! They had not stopped sweeping the -yard all afternoon. Then at four o'clock they had emptied a cartload of -straw out on to it, and now it was dirtier than ever!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> His obsession -for the time being was this: What were they waiting for? Why didn't -they take us on the drill-ground? Let them teach us our trade as -soldiers. To think we were going to fight to-morrow!</p> - -<p>Through him I learnt that the text-books had lately been modified on -several essential points. I enjoyed getting a rise out of him.</p> - -<p>"Oh, what does it matter! None of the officers have an inkling of it."</p> - -<p>He got into a great state of mind. What a shame it was to have to see -such valuable material wasted. We had no leaders.</p> - -<p>"In the 22nd anyhow!"</p> - -<p>We were agreed on that point.</p> - -<p>Who would have believed that our captain had not yet put in an -appearance, though his arrival had been announced several times. The -first lieutenant Delafosse, a middle-aged man, cold and correct, -confined himself to questions of administration. As for the others, -Henriot, whom we had come across on the first day, we soon placed as an -elementary schoolteacher. Yet another of them! Rather a refined-looking -man, but his accent left much to be desired. He taught, we heard, in -a village near the Meuse. He meant well no doubt, but was woefully -lacking in authority and initiative. His two colleagues, Descroix -and Humel, had soon monopolised him, and were hail-fellow-well-met -with him. He made himself very pleasant and attentive to us, and was -obviously anxious to make a good impression. When he had to give an -order he seemed apologetic about it:</p> - -<p>"I refer the matter to you ... you know all about that as well as I do!"</p> - -<p>Ravelli, the battalion sergeant-major, a good-look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>ing dog, who had -been decorated, added his own failings to those indispensable to his -calling! An insufferable bounder! Stupid and pretentious; a real bad -lot.... He grovelled to the officers and bullied the men shamefully. He -did not quite dare to attack us openly, and we could see he appreciated -our powers of retaliation. But the poor <i>poilus</i> in the ranks!</p> - -<p>It was nothing but parades and roll-calls and inspections with this -low-bred cur at their heels from morning till night, an endless stream -of fatigues. The tactlessness of the man! The Parisian groused. Lamalou -already refused flatly to obey him; and Judsi made no bones about -exclaiming, "The bloody beast, 'e'd better look out for 'isself w'en we -get our ammunition."</p> - -<p>Such were our superior officers. The trio lacked breadth of mind. -Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant was acting company sergeant-major, -as we had not a <i>pukka</i> one.</p> - -<p>Three more non-commissioned officers had now been added to the company. -Hourcade, a bank clerk in civil life, a dull dog, and meticulous to a -fault. Belloeil, a butcher from Marais, with very high colouring,—a -good sort, so obese that they had given up trying to clothe him. He -declared his intention of staying behind as drill sergeant to the -raw recruits. And lastly Playoust. He was a character, this Chartres -fishmonger. A fine figure of a man, a rake with the gift of the gab, -he was addicted to "talking big," and did not lack a sense of humour. -His bragging amused me. A gay dog, he boasted that he accepted ... -hospitality in town every night, but never two nights from the same -hostess. He assured us that there was a large choice. Where on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> -earth?... Why of course among the wives of the regulars who had left on -the day of mobilisation.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had not much taste for this class of bragging. Nor I, for -that matter, but I recognised in this popular cynicism a kindred spirit -to my own. And then Playoust made up to me and always liked to count me -among his audience when he was playing the fool. It was no time before -he had gained a singular hold over a certain set of our comrades. Were -we there to be bored? He organised "manilles" in which Descroix and -Humel and Hourcade took part from the beginning. Quartermaster Belloiel -took a hand when wanted. Guillaumin loathed cards. As to the others -they were left out of it. I was never asked to make a fourth. But I saw -that it was in my own interest to remain on good terms with the whole -lot.... There did not seem to me very much difficulty about that; ... -I had bought cigars to give away. I wasted a whole afternoon in this -colourless society. Playoust was in good form that day. We kept up a -cross-fire of witticisms, he and I.... It was up to the others to do -the laughing. Everything went well!</p> - -<p>I climbed down when Guillaumin came to me that same evening much -against his will—for he hated telling tales—to give me a friendly -warning.</p> - -<p>"You look out! They can't stand you!"</p> - -<p>"No! Is it as bad as all that?"</p> - -<p>"Quite. It's better that you should know about it."</p> - -<p>"What do they object to about me?"</p> - -<p>"The way you get out of things, and shirk the tiresome jobs. They can't -stand that. Directly your back was turned, just now, they exploded. A -regular chorus! It's just the same every evening!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Descroix and Humel?" I asked scornfully.</p> - -<p>"And Playoust too."</p> - -<p>"Really! You don't say so!"</p> - -<p>"He most of all!"</p> - -<p>This gave me something to think about, when all the time I'd been -looking on him as an ally!... I thanked Guillaumin for drawing my -attention to it.</p> - -<p>"You may be sure I stood up for you," he added.</p> - -<p>As if I should ever have doubted it!</p> - -<p>I examined my conscience; there was no doubt that I had been to blame -on several occasions!</p> - -<p>Thereupon I altered my plan of attack!</p> - -<p>The next day Playoust happened to be on guard. He was obviously -frightfully cut up at having to fail a particularly lovely lady. I -offered to take his place. He accepted casually.</p> - -<p>"I'll do the same for you sometime, old boy!"</p> - -<p>"Right you are!"</p> - -<p>In the morning I had already suggested taking charge of a fatigue party -of some sort. Descroix had exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Nonsense, it can't be true! Dreher who never stirs a foot."</p> - -<p>"It's about time he took his turn," said Humel.</p> - -<p>Never mind! I quite thought I should succeed in disarming them -partially.</p> - -<p>At the same time I judged it expedient to tighten the bonds between us, -the four old pupils. I busied myself about it without much success.</p> - -<p>Frémont was the pleasant comrade he had always been. But in voice and -gesture and outlook he still retained a certain something which was -extraordinarily infantile, and rather took one aback. He was extremely -young in mind too. A Doctor of Sci<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>ence at the age of twenty-three and -an honours man he took no interest in anything outside his speciality. -He was particularly unresponsive on the subjects of art and philosophy -which I was particularly fond of discussing.</p> - -<p>Besides he was living in a dream. Though present at every parade, he -deserved every time—as Guillaumin threatened him, with a laugh—to be -reported as absent.</p> - -<p>"Oh, these young husbands!"</p> - -<p>He waited until the regulation time to go out, but then he lost no time -in getting through the gate. His wife had come to fetch him, and they -went off arm in arm. One met nobody but them in town, all evening. Why -couldn't they shut themselves up? I knew they had hired a room. Yes, -Guillaumin explained to me, but they did not have the use of it till -eight o'clock. Poor lovers! The fact remains that their idyl, in a fair -way to become the talk of the whole regiment, got on my nerves!</p> - -<p>As for De Valpic, it must be admitted that he was rather an eccentric -being. His manners were perfection. On coming into contact with him -one felt that he was unusually cultured, not to say, erudite. He would -embark on a discussion with great gusto ... but it would suddenly come -to a premature close. He used to pretend to give way suddenly before -your arguments. I say pretend because you felt that he had others in -reserve. Was it the disdain of a great gentleman for our <i>bourgeois</i> -dialectics? The supposition warred with his entire absence of side. -But I had nevertheless to adhere to it. He so carefully avoided all -attempts to force his intimacy. It was impossible to persuade him to -take a meal with us.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> And yet he could hardly be called a sybarite -when he dined at the best hotel in the place. He professed to be on a -special diet. Was he ill? Perhaps. As a matter of fact he did not look -very robust.... I questioned him discreetly. He reddened and got out of -it by answering vaguely:</p> - -<p>"Digestion!..."</p> - -<p>What is certain is that he was of a particularly lazy disposition. His -least busy day he spent stretched out at full length, his head leaning -against his valise, his legs in a rug which he had brought; quite idle, -with his eyes open. This attitude drew upon him, besides Playoust's -quips, the animosity of the company sergeant-major who, sticking his -nose in at the door, would call him slyly:</p> - -<p>"Halloa there! De Valpic! As you're doing nothing!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin continued to be my only intimate companion. I did not -tell any one but him of my discovery of a hay-loft looking over the -Principal's garden. He soon got in the habit of coming there often to -join me. It became our headquarters.</p> - -<p>I now succeeded in persuading him to go about the town with me. We -hardly left each other's side. In the evening he accompanied me to -the door of the hotel where I had been able to find a room, and he -went back to sleep on the straw. I had thought of asking him to share -my bed; but how embarrassing for both of us! He would no doubt have -refused.</p> - -<p>F—— seemed quite commonplace. I had seen it look pretty much the same -each time the Division assembled for manœuvres.</p> - -<p>There was the same stream of red trousers rolling through the streets -at all hours, besieging the "pubs,"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> and rifling the grocers' shops -and bazaars, the shopkeepers' one idea being to exploit the reservists -whose pockets were usually well-lined. The windows decked with bunting -suggested the idea of an eve of the fourteenth of July, or of a visit -from the President.</p> - -<p>The atmosphere was as calm as possible. Those who had expected riots, -or a revolution! I only remember one incident. The report spread -one afternoon that a spy had been discovered and arrested at the -station.... In five minutes a crowd was shouting in front of the -police-station where the transgressor, or transgressors—they talked -now of three or four!—had been taken and put under arrest. Policemen -were guarding the door. We waited for half an hour amid the growing -feverishness. When they came out there was an outcry and a rush.... The -shameful fury of crowds!... I caught sight of the two poor wretches, a -man and a woman, little puny, terrified creatures. A motor took them -away. They were both cowering under the menace of raised walking-sticks.</p> - -<p>The sight had irritated me. It was easy to say spies! I thought of our -compatriots, caught unawares in Germany. It might have happened to me. -I was there at the time of the Agadir trouble. I teased Guillaumin who -had been as bad as the rest. He admitted that he had been in the wrong, -but it was too much for him. The Bosches. The filthy Bosches!</p> - -<p>The lead had been heaved and soundings taken. All these people hid -the sacred passion beneath their calm exterior. They were right. -This nation had risen to butcher us. Between them and us a war of -extermination was beginning....</p> - -<p>And I could so easily have forgotten it!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIVa" id="CHAPTER_XIVa">CHAPTER XIV</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> Paris papers came regularly; several editions every day, but we -were no longer so ravenous for this type of nourishment. When once the -period of anxiety concerning Belgium's resistance and the intervention -of England was over, we almost lost interest in the rest, yes, even in -the first engagements in Lorraine, where our men won such a glorious -name for themselves. We felt that nothing of importance would take -place for ten days or a fortnight.</p> - -<p>Our chief anxiety was to know what they would do with us.</p> - -<p>The general opinion was that we would be in the second line -(Reservists. The idea!), that we would only look on from afar at the -first terrible encounters.... When the regulars were put out of action, -yes, then it would be our turn to take the field. But it was quite -possible that the war would already be well advanced.</p> - -<p>What day should we leave? And what would our destination be?</p> - -<p>Outlandish rumours were in circulation. They were hailed with a smile, -and passed on in fun, but we ended by believing them. What did we know -about it? The "tips" always came from such high-placed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> officials, -generals, or station-masters. One persistent rumour was that we were -to be sent to Le Havre, and from there shipped ... to what port do you -think? You'd never guess, however long you went on trying! To Bremen! -A landing party! Heavens, we stopped at nothing, with the British -fleet behind us! According to another version we were to form part of -a reserve force concentrated at Goëtquidam Brittany! The drawback was -that we ran the risk of not seeing anything!</p> - -<p>Morale! What a strange factor it is in deciding the fate of nations! I -failed to take it into account now. This uncertainty weighed on me. I -sounded my companions.</p> - -<p>"Look here, how do you think things are going ... all right?"</p> - -<p>"What!"</p> - -<p>My question astounded them. On looking back it seems to me obvious that -an insane optimism held sway. What could the Central Powers do against -this gigantic coalition. The Kaiser had lost his head! Driven by the -"junker" party, he was risking his all in a fit of despair.</p> - -<p>How long would it go on for? The figure quoted was three months.</p> - -<p>Three months, I said to myself: three months!</p> - -<p>Fate might decide that our army corps, our regiment, was not to be -engaged more than once or twice.... There would be some rough knocks to -put up with! But what of that? Lots would come through! For those who -did it would be curiously interesting to look on at the reconstruction -of the world which would follow.... Would life be any the better for -it? Yes. In what way?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> I did not know. But I was firmly convinced of it.</p> - -<p>In Guillaumin I had a surprising source of high spirits and enthusiasm. -He lived in a state of exaltation. He was the only one to read between -the lines, in the daily reports, endless sensational pieces of news, -extraordinarily favourable to us, withheld, he said, through an excess -of modesty.</p> - -<p>"They're afraid the public might lose their heads."</p> - -<p>If I pretended to be alarmed:</p> - -<p>"What's become of the concentration? Look at all the regulars that are -about still!"</p> - -<p>He retorted with:</p> - -<p>"My dear fellow, they're getting two days ahead of the estimates."</p> - -<p>He had been to the station. He had seen any amount of trains passing -crammed with troops and war material...! An inconceivable number -of big guns, and ammunition waggons, and gun carriages! A store of -unsuspected riches!</p> - -<p>Our staff? Was admirable. Joffre, the great strategist, who left -nothing to chance. Pau, the soldier whom the Germans feared more than -any one, De Castelnau! Since he had made it his career despite his -opinions!</p> - -<p>The Government? Perfection. Viviani, the right man in the right place; -the strong and many-sided genius that was needed. How fine,—and what -a clever move—his letter to Madame Jaurès had been! The results of it -were this solidity, and absolute unanimity; the rising <i>en masse</i> of -the peaceful operatives, the internationalists of yesterday, claiming -for their great country the right to live and be respected.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin knew the text of the different official declarations and -proclamations by heart; he recited scraps of them to me.</p> - -<p>"Glorious! What!"</p> - -<p>It was not an assumed excitement. I sounded him. He really was -delighted to be going. It was the ingenuous wish for the unexpected and -for adventure in one who led the most dreary of lives as a civilian. -And the need to expend himself in a cause he felt was just. He did not -need much urging to bring out such big words as Duty and Patriotism!!</p> - -<p>His fervour both lowered him and raised him in my estimation. On one -side I was inclined to place him in the class of credulous boobies, -like the young fool of a lawyer's clerk I had met in the railway -carriage. At the same time he gave me an example of moral warmth and -vigour preferable to my frivolity.</p> - -<p>He alone seemed changed by these formidable circumstances. He was -thrilled. I should like to have been thrilled.</p> - -<p>What made the Descroix and Humels so unbearable to me was their -peace-time point of view. The way they spent hour after hour playing -stupid card games, taking no interest in anything else! It was beyond -me, and it worried me. They would not be the ones to save France!</p> - -<p>(Should I be!!!)</p> - -<p>Guillaumin reassured me.</p> - -<p>"Don't you worry about that! You keep your eye on the <i>poilus</i>. That's -all that matters!"</p> - -<p>I tossed my head. My men? What could I know about them?</p> - -<p>I had thirty-three roughs under me, squads 11 and 12. Guillaumin had -the same number, squads 9 and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> 10; Lieutenant Henriot was in command of -the platoon.</p> - -<p>Up to now, I had tried only to avoid being unpopular. I thought I -was succeeding in it. I relied entirely on my corporals, Bouguet and -Donnadieu, who were well up in their job.</p> - -<p>Chance had thrown together in my section, Judsi and Lamalou, the two -scoundrels whom I have already mentioned, among the stolid Beaucerons -who were all so much alike that they might have been brothers. They -were a scurvy couple. They had already been caught by a patrol one -night in town, and brought back drunk, shouting and storming, and had -been in such a dangerous mood next day that Henriot had not dared to -haul them over the coals for it.</p> - -<p>The impressions I had retained of the few weeks once spent on a -company, before going to the "Peloton," the one occasion in which I -had come into contact for a short period with the lower classes, were -these: The barrack was a den of wild beasts, and the peasants real -brutes. The fact that the one thing they looked forward to was Sunday -when they could drink themselves stupid, made them lower even than -the animals. Beyond that the only thing that had worried me was the -"promiscuousness." The days of ragging were over; I was free with my -cigarettes and "drinks." I could always find someone ready to take -my fatigues for me for the sake of a sixpence, and ever since then -Bouillon had been my guardian angel. It did not matter how much this -pleb was looked down on!</p> - -<p>Attached to my original company during the manœuvres, reports -had reached the ears of the reserve officer to the effect that -I was already well up in my work, and I had at once been made a -non<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>-commissioned officer, a distant and unapproachable being.</p> - -<p>My energetic "command" ensured my authority, on the drill-ground at all -events. Elsewhere?... There was no elsewhere. As for taking a personal -interest in each of the men, and searching into, and investigating -their characters, as Guillaumin tried to induce me, and forced himself -to do,—the idea had never entered my head. To-day it seemed an idle -fancy outside the realms of realisation. I felt that this mass of men -was too remote from, and, in all probability, hostile to us. No, they -did not count at all as individual souls! I listened to Guillaumin as -he extolled their sound good sense, and sturdy morale. It was too much -to ask of this poor food for cannons.</p> - -<p>But one thing struck me, nevertheless; the small, the infinitesimal -number of men who "groused." Not a sign of "shirkers." It was -astounding to me to note, in the days that followed, how this -spirit had spread. I did not see any great enthusiasm, but rather -determination, or perhaps it was resignation. There was at all events, -no reluctance, no little underhand plots, elaborated with a view to -remaining at the depôt. I have quoted our friend Belloeil; but even he -would willingly have gone with us, I think, but for his asthma, which -made him pant like a seal, merely at having to go up into billets.</p> - -<p>One drama, I remember, caused a sensation: a reservist who had thrown -himself successively through a window, under a cart, and under a train. -He was hard to kill, that fellow!</p> - -<p>How set he was on doing away with himself! At the inquest, a letter -which had been discovered established the fact that the only motive for -this act<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> had been ... fear. Yes, simply the stupid fear of going to -the front.... Poor wretch. What a fine funeral ovation they gave him. -Good-for-nothing, rotter, and funk were the mildest terms employed. If -he had accounted for a Bosche, his skin would have been of some use.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On the fourth day, Friday, the order arrived in the morning to assemble -for field-parade.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin was triumphant.</p> - -<p>"There now, you see! Didn't I tell you so? They're coming all -right—even to us!"</p> - -<p>The men were taking their valises. And what about us; no, we agreed not -to.</p> - -<p>We started off. A fig for marching at attention! That was not expected -of us. We followed the railway lines. A train was just passing, the -carriages decorated with flowers. Soldiers were laughing at the windows.</p> - -<p>The 104th Argentan.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, you chaps! Wait for us! We're going on foot to have a look at -the Bosches!" Judsi shouted.</p> - -<p>We halted farther on in a field by the roadside. Suddenly a whistle was -blown, and the word was passed round that the captain was there!</p> - -<p>In the twinkling of an eye we were formed up again and got into line as -well as might be.</p> - -<p>Delafosse, the first lieutenant, gave the order:</p> - -<p>"Present ... arms!"</p> - -<p>Captain Ribet rode up, mounted on a beautiful grey mare. He was a tall -spare man with a crisp moustache and very bright eyes. An ex-officer in -the regulars; we knew he had retired when quite young after having won -the <i>légion d'honneur</i>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p> - -<p>He saluted, and without any preliminaries pointed imperiously at the -first section.</p> - -<p>"Skirmishing order," he shouted.</p> - -<p>We had about fifty yards to cover at a double.</p> - -<p>"Kneel!"</p> - -<p>We knelt down.</p> - -<p>"Advance!"</p> - -<p>We stood erect, and then immediately had to operate a change of front. -The words of command and evolutions followed each other in rapid and -varied succession. The captain gave the order and looked on coldly at -the execution of it without uttering a word. We all lacked enthusiasm -but it did not go badly, all the same. Our covering sergeants knew what -they were about, and Henriot slipped in the necessary explanations. I -acquitted myself passably in my thankless rôle of supernumerary. The -men charged and deployed, and then returned to their first formation, -their movements facilitated by their long experience in former days. -During the short intervals of respite, reflections were heard:</p> - -<p>"How's that for manœuvres!"</p> - -<p>"We are having a dose."</p> - -<p>At last arms were piled and while the men amused themselves by pulling -out pipes or chunks of bread, the captain blew his whistle again.</p> - -<p>"The non-commissioned officers!"</p> - -<p>The first thing he did was to find fault with us.</p> - -<p>"Why haven't you got your valises?"</p> - -<p>The subaltern opened his mouth....</p> - -<p>"That will do. We'll consider it as said!"</p> - -<p>He had a few words of praise for the way we drilled.</p> - -<p>"There was a little hesitation in the third though."</p> - -<p>"Among us! really!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span></p> - -<p>He added a few commonplace remarks on our duties which played such an -important part in the field. We must prove the value of the material -entrusted to us. It was for us to make the most of it.</p> - -<p>Seizing the opportunity afforded by a brief silence, Playoust thought -he might ask him what the probable date of our departure would be.... -Sunday was talked of.</p> - -<p>"I am not here to answer questions, Sergeant!"</p> - -<p>He warned us that he would inspect us next morning at nine o'clock.</p> - -<p>"Service marching orders. Ready to leave. And mind you see that nothing -is missing!"</p> - -<p>He dismissed us with a salute.</p> - -<p>Directly we had got away Guillaumin exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"A queer fish that!"</p> - -<p>"You like him?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I do. It's men like that that we want!"</p> - -<p>I protested. My impression of him, on the contrary was an unpleasant -one. Who did the man think he was, to treat us as little boys?</p> - -<p>When we got back into quarters, I made fun of the sudden zeal consuming -my comrades. The prospect of this inspection next day scared them. Each -one rushed off to put his men on their mettle. Guillaumin especially -was quite off his chump. I, for my part, contented myself with warning -my corporals that everything must be in order at the time fixed! I -should hold them responsible!</p> - -<p>That done, I did not worry any more! I spent the afternoon resting in -my hay-loft.</p> - -<p>The best of it was that I was sergeant of the day. I ought to have gone -and put myself at the disposi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>tion of the adjutant. Bah! He could do -without me, without the world coming to an end.</p> - -<p>My predecessor, Belloeil, had told me that I should have to take the -men who had been given orders the day before to the barracks on the -stroke of five o'clock. They would draw their pay there, and I should -countersign the register.... The list was handed over to me. They -watched for me at the exit, but I arranged to escape them; De Valpic -would take them to-morrow.</p> - -<p>One of them accosted me in the town; I snubbed him, and he went off -cursing and swearing. Guillaumin blamed me for it.</p> - -<p>"Poor fellow! Suppose he had some purchase to make!"</p> - -<p>"Oh rot! I'm doing him a good turn; he'll drink a drop less than usual, -that's all!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVa" id="CHAPTER_XVa">CHAPTER XV</a></p> - -<p class="center">AT THE GLOBE CAFÉ</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> got there early. Nearly all the old "Peloton" lot were to meet there -that evening. The large room at the back had been put at our disposal.</p> - -<p>Punch was served to everyone. Toasts were drunk half as a rag. There -was a tap-room atmosphere. Everyone was in uproarious spirits—feverish -with the excitement of the departure which was so close at hand. A -school-master named Groningaire started off with a song—he had a good -voice—then some patriotic verses, while we sang the refrain in chorus.</p> - -<p>Miquel went to the piano.</p> - -<p>"Go it! Play us something!"</p> - -<p>He was known to be a performer.</p> - -<p>"What style do you want?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, anything! Improvise something!"</p> - -<p>"The 'Battle,' g-r-r-r-r-r and symphony!"</p> - -<p>There was a general laugh. He sat down on the music stool.</p> - -<p>"First part. Four o'clock in the morning."</p> - -<p>His fingers raced over the keys. A running accompaniment in the bass -suggested the army sleeping. A high note, the bugle call, suddenly -burst forth followed instantaneously by shouts, the stir of troops<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> -awakening and moving to and fro, and the neighing of horses....</p> - -<p>"Bravo!"</p> - -<p>Reminiscences no doubt of melodies he had composed or learnt. His rare -skill soldered them into a sort of pot-pourri, which was at the same -time both genial and burlesque. He jerked out the titles of motifs: -the start at dawn, the approach of the enemy, the deployment, then the -surprise of the first shots, the scattering, and the reply.... The -pianist's fancy multiplied and expanded, painting an extraordinary -picture. In the left hand, the cannon rumbled ceaselessly in hollow -tones. In the treble a frenzy of staccato notes crackled like a -fusillade. Between the two, smothered vociferations, and the trampling -of the combatants could be distinguished. To end up with there was the -charge, swelling harmonies, and a roar of glory and madness, throughout -which fragments of the famous "<i>La Goutte à boire!!!</i>" recurred -persistently.</p> - -<p>Miquel paused. There was a burst of applause.</p> - -<p>"Hush!" he said. "Wait for the day after...."</p> - -<p>He struck a minor chord, succeeded by two or three others, equally -lugubrious, a gloomy <i>arpeggio</i> strengthened the impression of -mourning.... The day after! yes. There was a slight shudder. I -recognised Beethoven's <i>Funeral March</i>.</p> - -<p>"How idiotic! What are you playing that for?"</p> - -<p>Denais had got up, and was drawing his hand across his forehead. Then -embarrassed by our glances he forced a wry smile.</p> - -<p>"Rotting apart, it's not exactly cheerful!"</p> - -<p>A few backed him up. Others shrugged their shoulders. A discussion -began which degenerated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> into an uproar. Laraque took possession of -the piano and romped through a "tango" which was applauded. Miquel was -called upon again; but he refused point blank this time, and it was not -very long before he left, perhaps because he was offended.</p> - -<p>Then Guillaumin and I went to swell a group which had formed in a -corner, round Fortin, who was holding forth.</p> - -<p>A robust fellow, with an enormous forehead, and a clever, ugly face, he -was repeating the lessons he had just brought back from Germany where -he had been living for some time. His rich voice carried wonderfully, -supported by his energetic gestures. A frequenter of public meetings -and debating societies, one was tempted to forgive him if he was rather -inclined to like the sound of his own voice, because he spoke well.</p> - -<p>To begin with, however, I only half listened to him. He was enlarging -upon the industrial qualities of that race, their method, and patience, -and tenacity of purpose, their thoroughness in perfecting detail; on -their moral virtues too, from which the others sprang.</p> - -<p>This sort of thing had been overdone! However at such a time it -assumed a striking note of unexpectedness and daring. This Frenchman -obviously overflowed with sympathy, or at all events admiration for -the foe he was about to face.... And not one of us protested.... What -impartiality, I thought. Was it to our credit, or discredit?</p> - -<p>I now followed the speaker's arguments with interest. He occasionally -spoke so decidedly and precisely that I suspected him of dishing up -for our benefit certain passages already composed for the work he was -meditating.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p> - -<p>On the other hand one had the feeling that one was not the dupe of a -rhetorician. I was able when necessary to verify the exactitude of his -statements by my own recollections.</p> - -<p>Here he was sketching the portrait of the young German, steady and -strong, accustomed from his earliest childhood to long walks with -his pack on his back, his first attempts at warlike frolics, keen -on swimming, shooting, and gymnastics, more sporting in reality -than we were who had been won over to the rough games from over the -channel. They were chaste too and had no false shame about admitting -it; not exhausted, depraved, and indeed contaminated, as a result -of the stupid dissipation which we appear to think necessary for -our young men. I could see the companions of my excursions round -Iéna again,—Otto Kraëmer, merry, affectionate, and untiring—and so -virtuous—questioning me with an innocent smile, quite free of any -suspicion of envy, on the pleasures of Paris.</p> - -<p>Fortin showed us how war had become inevitable for these people. Since -they were suffocating at home! They were a prolific race; that was -their foremost merit. The necessity and also the capacity for expansion -in a country which in forty years doubles its population! There was the -fruitful young sap. To them belonged the future.</p> - -<p>We were listening, silent and engrossed, leaning on our elbows.... -Ladmiraut demanded some detail from time to time. He had pulled out his -note-book. Guillaumin, who was beside me, seemed to be the only one -who could not listen to this language without impatience; he strummed -nervously on the marble table-top.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> - -<p>Fortin went on to say that over there it was the entire populace from -the Kaiser down to the last of the beggars, who dreamt of the greater -Germany.... The fateful hour had struck.... He reminded us of the -saying where the five sons of the German family came to demand a share -of his heritage from the only son of the French family. We certainly -had no luck in just happening to be the neighbours and thus the picked -adversaries of this terribly covetous race, and in holding so many -rich provinces that they meant to annex again in the name of ancient -traditions for the Germanic Empire! Any schoolboy coming from Germany -would tell you of their ambitions. To begin with they must have what -remained to us of Lorraine and Champagne and Flanders, they'd see about -Burgundy and the Franche-Comté, when the occasion arose!</p> - -<p>"Then you think we shall be beaten?" Guillaumin broke in harshly.</p> - -<p>It was like a cold douche, we looked at each other. Fortin shrugged his -broad shoulders.</p> - -<p>"I'll tell you one thing, I think, and that is that we're fighting in -a cause ... that is out of date. We no longer incarnate a great force -worthy of existence. Our day is nearly done. Just think how long we -have held the stage. Mark you, I do not say that our end will not be -glorious. We are an old fighting race, we shall do wonders, I think, -before succumbing. Nor do I say that our decline is not to be regretted -in the superior interests of civilisation...."</p> - -<p>"Then you see no hope of anything but decline and disappearance!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin's face was kindled, his big nose shone, his hand was -clutching at a match stand.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Sss...! I say. Chuck it at his head!" whispered Holveck.</p> - -<p>Someone laughed, and there was a short relaxation.</p> - -<p>I did not take my eyes off Fortin, wondering whether he would accept -the challenge.</p> - -<p>And he actually did! He made up his mind to it. It was a thankless -task, he said, to go against all our prejudices and cherished -illusions. But still, if he was driven to it.... And perhaps it would -be better that we should realise what we were in for!...</p> - -<p>"Yes, start away then!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "Tell us what you think -and what you know!"</p> - -<p>What he knew? The other protested that he was not admitted to the -secrets of the gods, that he was lacking in the necessary technical -knowledge concerning military matters, but that what he feared from -certain reliable data, was the "<i>kolossal</i>" force—the word is -laughable, not the thing it stands for—of this horde of invaders about -to fall upon us. People in France reassured themselves by the aid -of simplex calculations. They summarily compared the figures of the -population, with the triumphant argument that the enemy must put so and -so many men on the Russian front.... As if there was not an immense -gulf fixed between the actual and the theoretical returns! As if it was -not the vitality of the races that would have the last word! Or again, -the total of Germany's effective forces was put at twenty-five corps -against our twenty-one corps! Only another way of throwing dust in our -eyes. Who suspected that on the two banks of the Rhine there were fifty -or sixty corps, already complete with their full complement, ready to -be set in motion at a sign and destined to be formed into twelve or -fifteen formidable<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> armies. With them there was no waste of material; -each individual had his own appointed place, the technicians in the -factories; the smallest details were foreseen and provided for, the -most recent discoveries in every sphere, exploited. The troops were -young and sound, and their discipline was marvellous. Each soldier -had his map and compass. Their uniform was far and away the least -noticeable. Their equipment was faultless. Their heavy artillery unique -(it would be our most unpleasant surprise!). They had adopted quite -new principles for use in aërial warfare.... What more was there? The -best-regulated commissariat, propaganda among the neutrals, accomplices -among their adversaries.... And then the spy system. Ah, yes! the spy -system!</p> - -<p>"Oh, magnificent!" muttered Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"I beg your pardon. As they wanted war, it was only right that they -should be as well prepared for it as possible. One can't help admiring -them for that!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin, still unconvinced, sneered:</p> - -<p>"Oh, charming! There's nothing to be done then! And to-morrow a German -Europe!"</p> - -<p>Fortin having made a movement as if to say, "Why not?" a certain member -of us protested all the same: "Oh no! Anything but that. We would fight -for it! The triumph of brute force. Government by the sword (all the -old catch words), we couldn't stand that...." Laraque declared that -when we were beaten he should go to live in America. Ladmiraut asserted -pedantically that all attempts at universal sway were foredoomed to -failure. Napoleon was an example of it!</p> - -<p>Fortin retorted:</p> - -<p>"We exaggerate when we talk of tyranny....<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> There would be a certain -amount of rearranging to be got through. What these people want, is...."</p> - -<p>"To pick our pockets," cried Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"Yes, to pick our pockets, and also...."</p> - -<p>Fortin let himself be carried away. Was it paradox or conviction?</p> - -<p>"Would you like to know what they want? Well, simply the reign of -reason, of their reason. To their physical need for conquest is added -this intellectual need. I think that in the case of a crushing victory -they would not be exacting, that they would content themselves with -re-organising and ordering the world to their ideas. The triumph of -'<i>Kultur</i>,' yes! Without doubt they would allow as many individual -liberties and indeed local constitutions, as possible, to subsist. -Their charter of empire is so convenient! The United States of Europe. -That is their avowed dream, often expressed by the Kaiser. Peace, yes, -but under the aegis of the Hohenzollern, chosen of God! An imposing -task to which they bring the fervour of apostles, which to-morrow, on -the battle-field will become the fanaticism of martyrs. The horror -of this contest does not dismay them, they consider it unavoidable. -There are two obstacles in their path; France in their eyes grown old -and debased; Russia that huge inorganic body, still in a state of -barbarism. Their idea was to humiliate both nations, with the object -of raising them up again later on while imbuing them with the moral -and intellectual virtues on which the Teuton prides himself. England -impedes them equally. This conflict too was fated. They despise the -English because they consider them too exclusively concerned with their -well-being, with their comfort; too material, shopkeepers, in fact! -They themselves<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> pose as idealists and philosophers, but heirs to -the spiritualistic traditions, and regardful of the property, of the -integri——"</p> - -<p>"What about the violation of Belgium!" Guillaumin interrupted.</p> - -<p>"Oh, that! That does'nt count: <i>Das ist Krieg!</i> It's only outside the -state of war that they flatter themselves that they're good, just, -sentimental, and gentle. It is impossible to deny that their ambition, -in the main, is generous; to put an end to the inferior period of -improvisation and disorder, and to instigate the reign of perfect -equilibrium—of happiness, that is!—among men."</p> - -<p>He paused:</p> - -<p>"And bear in mind that it must be admitted that no race has ever had a -better chance of success than they have at this moment!"</p> - -<p>Yes, Fortin showed us this prodigious result as being remote and still -hidden behind the veil of the future, but within reach—all Germany was -aware of it!—of the present generation or at all events of the next. -German Europe? But, except for the three powers in question, who were -to be overcome by force, was it not that already?</p> - -<p>He showed up, in a crude light, the important underground activities -of the exchequer and the cabinet; quite another side of the question. -Italy, our famous Latin sister, peremptorily wrested from the sphere -of French influence. Austria! With what supreme skill the rival -of yesterday had been converted into the intimate ally of to-day. -Turkey: simply a German colony, who, on the day prescribed, would -hurl all her weight into the balance. The Scandinavian countries, -Spain, Switzerland, Holland,—all pronounced German<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>ophils. It was a -real miracle that Belgium should have barred their way! The Church -instinctively approving two traditional Empires, full of spite and -distrust for a republic. And then the Balkans! Nothing but sad -surprises could be awaited, from Roumania, whose king, Carol, had -bound himself by treaty to the fortunes of the Central Powers; from -Bulgaria, whose just grievances were being exploited by the enemy; -from Greece who was retained in this orbit by her king, the Kaiser's -brother-in-law! A fine piece of work by the Wilhelmstrasse! Fortin -exhibited the play of this far-sighted and prudent diplomacy, which had -been weaving its web for so long, and peopling the European thrones -with German princes and queens for the last fifty years.</p> - -<p>There was no gainsaying it. This fellow, Fortin, was deucedly -interesting! We were all listening, down to the most rowdy group, who -had little by little stopped talking and come up. There were but few -protestations now. Foreheads, furrowed by wrinkles, were unconsciously -bowed in assent.</p> - -<p>But there was a sudden climax. A dry voice made itself heard behind us. -We turned round. A lieutenant was standing on the threshold of the room.</p> - -<p>"Your name! I want the speaker's name!"</p> - -<p>We were all stupefied. Fortin got up.</p> - -<p>"And 'stand at attention' first of all."</p> - -<p>The other explained the position. He was pale.</p> - -<p>"Your company?"</p> - -<p>"The seventeenth."</p> - -<p>"You're a despicable worm! You dare to speak in such a way! You, a -French non-commissioned officer! What would a German say or do? Get -back to your quarters at once. You'll hear from me later."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p> - -<p>The officer's voice was trembling. Fortin did not reply. Liberty was -dead! He took down his belt which was hanging on a hook, shook the few -hands held out to him, then saluted and left the room.</p> - -<p>What a douche! A dismayed silence reigned for a few minutes. At last we -left the place, but even outside we hardly spoke.</p> - -<p>"Lieutenant Coudray, wasn't it?"</p> - -<p>"There's no knowing where this may end...."</p> - -<p>"Court-martial!"</p> - -<p>Ladmiraut unburdened himself.</p> - -<p>"Just what I said; Fortin exaggerates."</p> - -<p>"Exactly!"</p> - -<p>Everyone agreed that it was bound to happen.</p> - -<p>It seemed to me that our voices were lowered. Did we mistrust each -other? Really, the unexpected appearance of this officer!... Someone -must have gone to warn him.... These were nice times, certainly!</p> - -<p>We separated, and Guillaumin took me home as usual.</p> - -<p>"I don't wish him any ill," he said, "but you must confess that he was -asking for it!"</p> - -<p>"Who? Fortin?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, look here! He said enough to make one jump through the ceiling. -No, but can you see the Bosches calmly laying hands on Champagne and -Flanders!"</p> - -<p>I was still suffering from the effects of the irritation and -humiliation aroused in me by the intervention of the Lieutenant. I -could hear his cutting voice. Some rotter or other! But there was -nothing to be done, but to bow before his superior rank.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p> - -<p>It must be added that I had come under the depressing influence.... -What a hit it was at my illusions, at our groundless self-confidence! -To go and get killed for a cause we knew was already lost. Oh, it -really was the limit!</p> - -<p>A cold rage filled me. I vented it on poor Guillaumin to begin with. -He was on the point of returning to the subject of his Champagne and -his Flanders.... One would have thought they belonged to him and that -someone wanted to pick his pocket of them!</p> - -<p>None of that! I shut him up, and told him what an ass I thought him. -The dull resentment which had been heaped up in me by these first days -of subjection, rose up from the depths of my being. And I did not stop -at that; my egoism and the anarchism of my bad days rebelled.</p> - -<p>I suddenly announced that I hoped the socialistic agitations would come -to something.</p> - -<p>"What agitations?" Guillaumin asked.</p> - -<p>"Oh!" I said. "They were keeping quiet on the subject, by order! but -they existed, could not help existing in spite of certain recantations. -Would they smother the peoples' poignant cry for peace at any price, -much longer? War on the War!" Following up the bold refrain, I asserted -that I should like to see the workmen who had been called up, fire -their first shots at the instigators of the catastrophe, all these -statesmen, generals, and financiers of both countries, who were driving -two peaceful nations to the slaughter! As if all the political and -economic interests in the world were worth this massacre of innocents!</p> - -<p>I went further—or lower. I blush when I remember to what degrading -lengths I allowed myself to go.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span> If our neighbours were really so -passionately anxious for the expansion of their "<i>Kultur</i>" as Fortin -had said they were, did he, Guillaumin, know what remained to be done? -Simply fold our arms and wait for them. They would not devour us, -or at least not all of us! We should be invaded? And then? Annexed? -What a misfortune that would be to be sure! There would be no more -France? Well, if she had to disappear, why not to-morrow, just as well -as in a hundred years!... All these tales of separate races, and of -native lands were simply the patter of disastrous phrase-makers.... -Let all those who believed them go and get killed for them. There -could be nothing more just! To the frontier with the enthusiasts, the -convinced—the imbeciles—who could not bear the idea of changing their -names. But as for us, for me, who did not care a blow about it all...!</p> - -<p>"Talk away!" said Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"You won't take me in!"</p> - -<p>"How do you mean?"</p> - -<p>"You want to get a rise out of me!"</p> - -<p>"I?"</p> - -<p>"You'll fight as well as the best of them!"</p> - -<p>"Well, what will that prove?"</p> - -<p>He did not answer me. There was no need. I was at a loss for words. I -was pinked.</p> - -<p>Recall to reality. The time was past for weighing the reasons for and -against. The philosophic juggling. The superior sphere of action, -offered itself, nay imposed itself upon us.... Fortin, Guillaumin, I -myself; we were all in uniform, we were going to fight.... Then there -was only one thing to be done, to strain our muscles and our soul, to -stake<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> our fate on hope and on faith in our cause. What folly to be -both judge and suitor. What grandeur in belief, even when absurd!</p> - -<p>If only I had been sure that I should fight as well as he said I -should!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIa" id="CHAPTER_XVIa">CHAPTER XVI</a></p> - -<p class="center">CAVILLINGS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">As</span> it was my day on duty it fell to me to march the men who had -reported sick to the M.O. that morning.</p> - -<p>I should have liked to have time to cast an eye over my men's equipment -before the captain came to take kit inspection. My mind was not -entirely at ease on the subject, when, in passing, I had asked Corporal -Bouguet if he thought it would go all right, he had curtly replied that -he couldn't see everything, he hadn't got eyes all over his head.</p> - -<p>Sick parade naturally promised to take longer than usual. Captain Ribet -had made searching enquiries the day before and consulted the sick -lists. He had told of about twenty weaklings to report themselves to -the chief Medical Officer. I had not been surprised to catch sight of -De Valpic's name on the list which I had been told to hand over.</p> - -<p>Surgeon-major Bouchut, a stout, apoplectic-looking man, arrived in -a state of perspiration, and swearing hard began to sound the men's -hearts and lungs. He was not very ferocious to-day. He must have had -instructions to strike out the good-for-nothings. Whenever it was a -case of enteritis, rheumatism, or bronchitis he jerked out at me:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Oh, he'd better stay at the depôt!"</p> - -<p>Then, turning to the man, he would growl:</p> - -<p>"You'll have to stay behind my lad!"</p> - -<p>A well-set-up fellow out of my section came and announced:</p> - -<p>"I'm an old trooper, I am!"</p> - -<p>"Well, what about it?"</p> - -<p>"And so I shan't march."</p> - -<p>"Oh, you think so, do you?"</p> - -<p>"I never have marched."</p> - -<p>"A good opportunity to learn!"</p> - -<p>"It's on account of a slight rupture...."</p> - -<p>"Let's have a look!"</p> - -<p>Bouchut felt his groin.</p> - -<p>"You wear a truss, do you?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, sir-r!"</p> - -<p>"In that case you can walk round the world!"</p> - -<p>"But...."</p> - -<p>"Off with you! Brr! Next man now!"</p> - -<p>The next one on the list was De Valpic. I considered his thin body with -all the ribs showing.</p> - -<p>"What's the matter with you?" Bouchut asked.</p> - -<p>"Nothing much, sir, but the captain told me to...."</p> - -<p>Bouchut bent down over him:</p> - -<p>"Take a deep breath...."</p> - -<p>Just then a hubbub arose, an orderly was slating a man who had just -upset the bottle containing the tincture of iodine.</p> - -<p>"Can't you keep quiet, confound you!"</p> - -<p>But Bouchut's attention was again distracted by the arrival of a -surgeon-lieutenant. They gossiped for a moment and then returning at -last to De Valpic, he said:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Then you don't cough at all?"</p> - -<p>"Hardly at all, sir."</p> - -<p>"Do you want to go to the front?"</p> - -<p>"Certainly, sir."</p> - -<p>"Very well, then. Must not be overdone," he dictated to me.</p> - -<p>The examination came to an end. When I went out I came across the man -with the rupture again. He was cursing and swearing! "Well, if that -wasn't a shame! To make an old dragoon, with an illness like that, -walk! They were a set of bullies, that's what they were!..." But he'd -be even with them yet! He knew a thing or two. The first time they were -under fire, he would stagger, and let himself fall. But first, he was -going to write to Sembat, who was a pal of his.</p> - -<p>"Switch off Loriot!" somebody warned him. "Here come the N.C.O.'s!"</p> - -<p>I wondered whether I should pack him off to the defaulters' room.... -Perhaps it would raise my prestige, but I let the opportunity slip by, -and finally decided to have heard nothing.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin came up to me. He was bringing the letters from the barracks -and good-naturedly drew my attention to the fact that I was the one -who ought to have gone to fetch them. He agreed in addition to be -responsible for their distribution. He was rummaging in his pockets.</p> - -<p>"There's a post card for you."</p> - -<p>A post card really! I was not expecting anything. A few lines from my -father and a note from Laquarriére, in answer to one I had written him, -was all I had received since the beginning.</p> - -<p>I looked at the post mark; illegible. I did not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> recognise the -handwriting, it was feminine. I turned to the signature: "Jeannine!"</p> - -<p>The little Landry girl!</p> - -<p>What does she think of it all? I wondered, amused. She, who would not -hear of war! I remembered our trifling on that railway platform.... -What a short time ago it was ... and yet it seemed so long. She -had written very closely. I noted her graceful attempt to write me -something beyond the usual commonplace remarks. She gave a short -description of their railway journey. On hearing the great news, they -had gone to Geneva (a reassuring atmosphere), and on to Paris the day -after. Since then they had settled down again as well as might be, -and without a maid, at St. Mandé. But what about me? I was far more -interesting! In barracks, no doubt? Or perhaps already on my way to the -front? They were counting on my being able to let ... friends, know how -I was getting on. The card ended with these words, "We think of you a -great deal."</p> - -<p>I re-read it; I was touched. I would certainly answer this delightful -girl very soon! I should have liked to do so at once; but a stupid -feeling of bashfulness forbade my seeming in too much of a hurry.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We assembled for the inspection. The men came on to parade, one by -one, staggering under their packs, which were continually slipping and -having to be hoisted up again, with a jerk of their shoulders. All at -once they realised that the inspection was not a mere matter of form. -Beginning with the first platoon the captain stopped in front of each -man.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin whispered to me:</p> - -<p>"His eyes are skinned right enough."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p> - -<p>Corporal Bouguet continued to look at me sourly. Donnadieu, -sandy-haired and stolid, when I questioned him, shook his head, and did -not seem to want to be answerable for anything either.</p> - -<p>We had half-an-hour's wait, which was distinctly unnerving. Our turn -came at last.</p> - -<p>Bouguet was examined first and passed as impeccable. Thank Heaven! And -his neighbour, Siméon, too. I was beginning to breathe more freely. The -captain escorted by the company quartermaster-sergeant stopped in front -of Paquette, a villager with a blank expression.</p> - -<p>"Take off your valise. That's right! Now open it. Let's see your -housewife ... and the inside...."</p> - -<p>The man cautiously emptied the contents, consisting of three old -buttons and some rusty pins, into his hand.</p> - -<p>"No needles? Or thread?"</p> - -<p>"We haven't been given any, sir."</p> - -<p>"What's this? They were given out yesterday. What's the meaning of -this, sergeant?"</p> - -<p>"That's right, sir!" I said.</p> - -<p>The captain raised his voice.</p> - -<p>"Hands up! in the 11th and 12th those who've got no needles or thread."</p> - -<p>Three or four arms, then seven, eight, ten, were raised.</p> - -<p>"Extremely important! Tears are not rare occurrences in the field, nor -are burst buttons. And if you've nothing to mend them with! A pair of -trousers which won't keep up, means a man out of action!"</p> - -<p>He went on to the next man, Judsi!</p> - -<p>"Got your body belt?"</p> - -<p>Judsi shook his head grotesquely.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Don't wear one, sir!"</p> - -<p>"Did you draw one?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, sir!"</p> - -<p>"What's become of it?"</p> - -<p>Judsi made a movement expressive of ignorance.</p> - -<p>"Someone probably nabbed it, sir! Seein' as I don't wear one."</p> - -<p>The captain turned to me.</p> - -<p>"So, you don't see to all this?"</p> - -<p>I protested that I had told him....</p> - -<p>"Told him! Told him!... You see the result! When you have ten or -fifteen men down with dysentery...!"</p> - -<p>He went on to the next. It was done on purpose. Here, a shoulder strap -had come unsewn, there one or two buttons missing, this képi had no -chin-strap, that bayonet was rusty, a certain rifle was not properly -cleaned. Where was the lantern belonging to No. 11 half-section? And -the camp gear! It was quite clear that it had been badly distributed. -The captain dropped straight on to the weak spot and emphasised it -coldly.</p> - -<p>When the non-commissioned officers were collected afterwards, he gave -vent to his feelings.</p> - -<p>"It's lucky we're not going off this evening! That would be a nice -state of affairs! No. 3 platoon is a positive disgrace! I am speaking -of section No. 2! Sergeant Dreher, at one o'clock I shall inspect your -half-sections and I can assure you that if anything goes wrong this -time!" He twirled his long moustache. I was frightfully annoyed. What -irritated me above everything was the ironical satisfaction shown by -several of my fellow N.C.O.'s; I tried to excuse myself.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p> - -<p>"It was my day on duty, sir!"</p> - -<p>But Ravelli interrupted:</p> - -<p>"Oh, it was you, was it? I wondered who it could be.... You never -turned up."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I was filled with a wild desire to fall upon my corporals, but Bouguet -was waiting for me, bristling with rage. Ready to bite his head off I -turned upon Donnadieu, who put on a vexed, sheepish expression.</p> - -<p>I swore at the men roundly, in the approved N.C.O. style. Did they -think they could snap their fingers at me? Getting me cursed like that! -So they weren't even capable of appearing in service marching order? So -jolly difficult, wasn't it?</p> - -<p>"Such humbug from a blooming plug!" Judsi muttered.</p> - -<p>I told them about the supplementary inspection, and moderated my tone -in view of their obvious bad temper.</p> - -<p>"Come along, let's look alive. Everyone must do his bit!"</p> - -<p>Cook-house door had gone. Lamalou exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Arf a mo'. Carn't work on an empty belly."</p> - -<p>A long hour elapsed before any one deigned to start work again and -even then they did not put their backs into it. I was horrified at the -number of dirty mess-tins and water-bottles, of uncleaned boots, and -above all, of the fittings missing; sets of "pull throughs" had to be -complete in groups of four! Stores orders must be got and signed by the -company sergeant-major, and the things drawn ... and the time was being -frittered away in dawdling and gossiping. I think the knaves did it on -purpose. My remarks all fell on deaf ears, whatever tone I adopted—I -tried<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> them all! I felt a sort of jeering hostility rising against me -which infuriated me, though I did not let them see it.</p> - -<p>Bouillon luckily lent a hand. Having once had the rank of corporal, he -still retained a certain hold over his comrades.</p> - -<p>He laid himself out and was here, there, and everywhere, lavishing -rebukes and fisticuffs.</p> - -<p>When Captain Ribet reappeared at the time arranged everything went -well. The inspection was even more minute than it had been in the -morning, but this time he found only a few infinitesimal details to -criticise.</p> - -<p>When he left he said to me:</p> - -<p>"Aren't you more satisfied?"</p> - -<p>I did not answer, but met his remark with the regulation coldness.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIa" id="CHAPTER_XVIIa">CHAPTER XVII</a></p> - -<p class="center">SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> presentation of the Colours was announced for three o'clock. We -would willingly have dispensed with climbing up to the parade-ground! -Goodness knows I was not looking forward to the ceremony.</p> - -<p>Our company was the last to arrive. A major wearing an eye-glass, urged -his horse past us. He was an insolent, bloated-looking creature, with a -sallow complexion, and greeted our company officer with a bitter-sweet -remark which the latter, to my delight, acknowledged in the same tone.</p> - -<p>The colonel appeared. He was quite white, although still young, a -cavalier of imperious bearing. With his manly face and his moustache he -reminded one strongly of "Dumény" in <i>La Flambée</i>.</p> - -<p>He rode slowly up and down among our ranks. Chests were thrown out at -his approach. He made a few remarks in a firm but kindly tone. Then the -order was given to the two battalions to close up into a semi-circle.</p> - -<p>Controlling his mount, the colonel looked round on us proudly, and -began to harangue us.</p> - -<p>I listened. I had come in a sarcastic frame of mind. What could he say -that would not be stale or commonplace?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span></p> - -<p>Indeed I had foreseen this issue of ready-made phrases on the decisive -importance of the struggle upon which we were embarking; it was a -question of safeguarding our country and our lives against a nation -which was becoming a menace to the human race.... But the inflections -of a manly voice conferred a certain grandeur on the hackneyed theme.</p> - -<p>"A fine actor," I repeated to myself. "More and more like Dumény!"</p> - -<p>I tried, like this, to avoid being carried away, then I began to -give in. I admitted that a certain beauty resulted from the perfect -harmony between his words and their object. I read in the men's face -the revelation of a virtue, until now unknown even to them. For the -first time I had the intuition that these peasants and working-men and -<i>bourgeois</i>, for the most part doltish, narrow-minded beings, would, if -certain chords in them were touched, be capable of great things....</p> - -<p>And what about me? Oh! I should be an on-looker as usual! That would be -quite enough for me.</p> - -<p>The colonel concluded:</p> - -<p>"Now, my friends, you are about to march past your Colours. They are -new, they have not been under fire, they do not bear the names of -glorious victories in their folds like their seniors of the 1st.... -Well, it is for us to dower them."</p> - -<p>A thrill ran through the ranks, then the whole mass stood like stone. -The bugles sounded the vehement, tragic call which always shakes me -physically.</p> - -<p>We marched rapidly in column of fours up towards the bugles which -called and guided us with their heroic flourish. I suddenly wished -I could shed my egoism and vibrate in unison with the two thousand -men, who, in this hour, were being consecrated my brothers in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> arms. -I flogged my imagination. The Colours. The word echoed within me, -awakening a procession of sacred memories and emotions. I could see -myself as a child at the window with my mother leaning over me, -clapping my hands to salute the standard of the "8th Cuirassiers" in -front of which rode my father, very upright on his big black horse. -At that time I used to revel in the many tales of heroes who let -themselves be killed rather than abandon the staff, or expended a -prodigious amount of cunning in order to save the remnants of it.</p> - -<p>Were not these Colours the emblem of the country we had risen to -defend, the symbol of everything that could raise our soldiers' hearts? -My bosom swelled at these thoughts. We were drawing nearer to it; I -fixed ardent eyes on it....</p> - -<p>It was certainly beautiful, half unfurled in the breeze, with its rich -fresh tints and fringe of gold. A sub-lieutenant, looking very pale and -proud, was holding it firmly against his hip.</p> - -<p>The din of the bugles increased, filling our hearts.... We passed by....</p> - -<p>And yet no! No! My ... irreverence rebelled. To become excited over -this tinsel, these few yards of painted stuff! Had I hoped for this -thing? I had not yet got so far!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Our last evening—strict confinement to barracks.</p> - -<p>I had retired to my hay-loft. I leant my elbows on the window-sill -overlooking the garden.</p> - -<p>I was surprised to hear the murmur of voices below me. I leant out and -saw a couple there.</p> - -<p>When I recognised little Frémont and his wife, sitting side by side -on a stone bench, my first feeling<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> was one of vague impatience. The -separation of husband and wife! A touching subject for the pen!</p> - -<p>How had they managed to slip in there? A chance word which reached my -ears explained it. The principal's wife had had pity on them and had -given them the key. The little wife had contrived that; she had not -been able to bear the idea of being deprived of her Marcel on the last -evening.</p> - -<p>I considered her sardonically. "Let's have a look at this woman in -love!"</p> - -<p>I have already said what my opinion of her was. I never thought I -should change it. This evening, however, though her features were -already merging with the growing twilight, it seemed to me that her -face shone with a rarer radiance. Was it her love that transfigured -this child?</p> - -<p>She had taken off her hat and was leaning her brown head on her -husband's shoulder, while he held her close, his arm round her waist. -Their foreheads and eyes and lips caressed each other. They were -talking below their breath. No other sound but the rustle of the wind -disturbed the deep silence.</p> - -<p>I was indiscreet enough to play the eavesdropper.</p> - -<p>She was the one who spoke the most, in little, plaintive, tender -phrases, like the twittering of birds. I could only follow the general -trend of her remarks, but it was enough for me to see that she was not -bemoaning herself lest she should rob him of his courage. She only -dwelt in retrospect on the happy weeks they had spent together. Many -injunctions followed. They would be sure to write to each other every -day, and think of each other all the while.</p> - -<p>I found it easier to catch his grave, reassuring replies. The tone -of his voice baffled me. Here was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> Frémont, the retiring little man, -with shy manners, who liked to keep in the background and always asked -advice, appearing in the rôle of comforter! His protecting fondness -enfolded his beloved.</p> - -<p>I continued to lean out above them, my elbows on the stone window-sill, -my hands joined. My malevolence gradually subsided.</p> - -<p>That this was merely the repetition of a scene which had been enacted -all through the ages, no longer seemed to me a sufficient reason to -smile at it. On the contrary, I was stirred by the thought of the -eternal chain of loves and partings.</p> - -<p>Night had fallen. The trees in the orchard seemed so many phantoms. Not -a light to be seen. Some birds flew silently across the night air. I -could hardly distinguish the two lovers now, but it seemed to me that -their lips had sought and found each other. There was silence for a -short space. Then a sentence was breathed softly. A voice trembled into -tears. I gathered from certain allusions that she was afraid, though -she did not say so, that he might never see their little child.</p> - -<p>Sitting there motionless, I dedicated my pitying sympathy to them and -thought how few men there were among all the thousands I had seen -marching past this afternoon, who were not leaving some woman at home, -wife or lover, and some child of their flesh.... Poor souls! How -terrible their grief must be! I ought to have congratulated myself -on the fact that I was leaving nothing behind me. Why did I now so -poignantly regret my solitude; did I envy the farewells uttered amid -tears and the sealing of vows?</p> - -<p>There was a noise behind me: Guillaumin. I left the window, an -instinctive delicacy of feeling pre<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>vented me from drawing his -attention to the presence of the couple in the garden.</p> - -<p>We went down into the yard again. My companion was in tremendous form. -He held forth on a hundred and one subjects, and I agreed with him -absent-mindedly. My thoughts were wandering capriciously. I thought -of my brother Victor for whose safe return someone was praying.... A -strange insistent idea kept recurring to my mind, of writing to the -girl who had thought of me yesterday.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIIa" id="CHAPTER_XVIIIa">CHAPTER XVIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">A RETURN OF EGOISM</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> last distribution of stores had just taken place—biscuits, -haversack rations, and iron rations. Cartridges too, fifteen packets a -head; a pretty tough load, in addition to everything else. A lot of men -were grousing about where they should put them.</p> - -<p>The worst of it was that there was some surplus. The company commander -who was passing said:</p> - -<p>"You're not going to leave those behind, mind!"</p> - -<p>I took two extra packets, and Guillaumin four. He remarked:</p> - -<p>"This is the most necessary part of your equipment, you chaps, don't -you make any mistake about that!"</p> - -<p>He had few imitators. Playoust, who was prowling round, jeered.</p> - -<p>"For the Bosches? But my dear fellow you won't see any for six weeks!"</p> - -<p>It was not at all encouraging. Lamalou happened to turn up, and as an -old stager, at once exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Shove one along, and let's 'ave a look!"</p> - -<p>He had formerly been in one of the flying columns in Morocco where the -replenishment of ammunition was a difficulty. Guillaumin threw him a -packet.</p> - -<p>"Catch!"</p> - -<p>The other caught it in mid air, then another, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> another, five, ten, -fifteen. That doubled his load and he went on shouting.</p> - -<p>"Another! And another! Just to make 'em dance!"</p> - -<p>His example was decisive. Five minutes later there was nothing left of -the heap.</p> - -<p>"The creature knows how to make himself useful!" I thought. It was a -pity he drank so much! He had just got into new and serious trouble. A -scandal in a pub, as usual—the officer on rounds had reported him—he -had been imprisoned—and the company sergeant-major was innocently -congratulating himself upon having got rid of him!</p> - -<p>But the captain got him out, and made a point of having a -heart-to-heart talk with him. What could he have threatened him with? -With leaving him at the depôt I think. The other had to promise to be -good, he reappeared triumphant.</p> - -<p>"A regular brick, the Captain."</p> - -<p>Ravelli could not get over it.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>At two o'clock I began to get ready; we were to start at four. I was -fully equipped; nothing was missing. My pockets were stuffed with the -endless little necessaries for which there was no room elsewhere: -tooth-brush, medicine-case, string, pocket-knife, lighter, electric -torch. Bouillon had conscientiously tidied me up and cleaned my -equipment. In consideration of what I owed him, I had tipped him ten -francs. He hesitated. It was a large sum! I insisted upon his taking -it. I did not like being indebted to people.</p> - -<p>I was alone in our room. I had just slipped my swollen pack over my -shoulder. My water-bottle<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> was lying on a shelf above me. I reached out -my hand to take it. Ugh! it slipped out of my hand, and fell on to the -tiles.</p> - -<p>Damn—oh, damn. Supposing it leaked!</p> - -<p>I ran to a tap and began to fill it.</p> - -<p>Yes, there was no doubt about it. It was done for!</p> - -<p>I was in despair. Nothing worse could have happened to me. I knew the -incomparable value of a few drops of moisture at critical moments. -When you are exhausted and choked by the sun and the dust, there is -nothing like a drop of water on a piece of sugar, or a thimbleful of -rum to revive you. And on a route march too you are sustained by the -mere thought that you are carrying with you this source of refreshment. -And I who had taken such care, and was so pleased at having this clean -well-corked water-bottle.... What odiously bad luck! My whole campaign -seemed to me to be poisoned by it....</p> - -<p>Bouillon arrived on the scene. Directly I had told him, distractedly, -of my misfortune.</p> - -<p>"Good heavens!" he said, "that it should 'appen just now! It's far too -late to get it soldered!"</p> - -<p>I sighed. He looked round the room.</p> - -<p>"W'y not sneak one?"</p> - -<p>As I shrugged my shoulders. He continued:</p> - -<p>"I'll undertake the job if yer like?"</p> - -<p>"But how?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, I'll get one from someone or other."</p> - -<p>"You mustn't touch Guillaumin's things, mind."</p> - -<p>"No, 'e's in the section. Wot abaht this one?"</p> - -<p>"De Valpic's?"</p> - -<p>"All right! Wait a minute!"</p> - -<p>"But I say, he...?"</p> - -<p>I hesitated.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span></p> - -<p>"He would notice it! The cases are marked, look...."</p> - -<p>"Don't you go an' worry yerself abaht that now! You've only got to -change them! You go an' keep an eye on the door...."</p> - -<p>I went and watched the corridor. I was consumed by a lively remorse. -But what did it matter! Each one must fend for himself! He would have -to get out of the difficulty as best he could. After all there was -nothing more usual in the regiment than these sly thefts. Why, someone -had relieved me of one of my brushes only the day before yesterday! I -blamed myself for my horrible selfishness, but I had practised it for -so long. The opportunity was too tempting! Anything rather than to -suffer, hour after hour, from thirst or the fear of thirst! And did I -not promise myself—hypocrite that I was—to share my ration of water -with the comrade I had despoiled?</p> - -<p>In the twinkling of an eye Bouillon had dexterously drawn the two -bottles out of their cloth cases, and effected the exchange.</p> - -<p>"Nobody will ever be any the wiser!"</p> - -<p>De Valpic came in soon after and noticed nothing.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I can hear the whistle. Quick march! We shook ourselves.... That was a -never-to-be-forgotten moment.</p> - -<p>I was in the rear of the section. I considered our column; expressions -and attitudes at that moment imprinted themselves on my memory. Fifteen -yards in front at the head of the section Guillaumin was marching -along with his usual swing. I ran an eye over my half-sections. Here -were Gaudéreaux and Trichet; there was Judsi, the buffoon, giving an<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> -imitation of the goose step; Lamalou with his képi <i>à la</i> Knut. Loriot, -the man with the rupture, gloomy and already dragging his leg along -affectedly; my corporals, Donnadieu, a little pale, sandy-haired man -gripping the butt of his rifle convulsively. Bouguet, extremely fit, -turning round to see that all his men were there.</p> - -<p>It gave one the impression of a holiday parade. I have mentioned the -windows decorated with bunting, the men's rifles and packs too were -ornamented with little flags. And the flowers! In one section, Trichet, -who was a gardener by trade, had procured great bundles of them. They -had been distributed among the different half-sections. The other -sergeants had been given roses or dahlias by their men. I had been -forgotten, and when Bouillon, who was annoyed about it, had brought me -some geraniums just as we were starting, I refused them with thanks! -Quite unnecessary! I alone was clear-headed. You would have thought -that I alone knew to what a sinister revel we were hastening.</p> - -<p>Left! Right! We were all marching at the same pace, towards our -mysterious destiny. For how many of us had Fate signed the order -of arrest! I tried to pick out the first victims. Was it that -block-head—Henry, I think, they called him—who would be picked up in -a fortnight's time, with his leg or head torn off? A big dark fellow -was laughing, showing his teeth in a huge guffaw. I mentally put him -down as not being one of those who would come back. This ghastly game -fascinated me.</p> - -<p>On getting to the main street we halted for a time and waited to take -our place in the regiment. The bugles passed by.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p> - -<p style="margin-left: 35%;"> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Sol mi: Sol do!</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">La classe s'en va!</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>Then we followed the stream.</p> - -<p>A line had formed three-deep along each pavement. All F——, all the -neighbouring country was crowded there. Our departure effected the -country even more than that of the regulars. These men from twenty-five -to thirty years old were the married youth, who had taken root and -founded a family. Drawn up in the doorways, or leaning from the -windows, women and children, with all their heart, were shouting:</p> - -<p>"Long live the 3rd...!"</p> - -<p>A territorial called out:</p> - -<p>"Halloa boys? We're coming on the day after to-morrow!"</p> - -<p>"Hm! At a safe distance!" Judsi retorted gaily.</p> - -<p>The men waved and smiled at their relations and friends who had come -up, but nothing further; there was no chance of hanging behind, or -falling out. Even Judsi soon gave up his tomfoolery; each one felt -instinctively that a brave bearing would influence the people's -confidence.</p> - -<p>The clamour round us continued to increase:</p> - -<p>"Long live France! Long live the 3rd...."</p> - -<p>The distant voice of the bugles only reached us in snatches now, but -we marched in step all the same. The collective excitement went to my -head. I marched with my eye fixed in front of me, my rifle glued to my -shoulder, a soldier among these soldiers.</p> - -<p>When we got into the Avenue de la Gare, I caught sight of De Valpic, -guide to the 2nd section. He had half-turned round, and was leaning -to one side, with an anxious expression. I suddenly thought of his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> -water-bottle, filled just as we were leaving. Drops must be trickling -from it now at every step.</p> - -<p>I was ashamed of myself. I despised myself. If I did not go quite as -far as to vow to make amends for this villainy—and how I should have -set about it I do not know—at least I swore that it should be my last; -yes, the very last.</p> - -<p>I was going to be born anew, and quite different. My heart was beating -more warmly. Carried away by the rapidity of the pace, uplifted by -the untiring acclamations of the crowd, it seemed to me that I was -out-distancing the man I had been.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span></p> -<p class="ph2"><a name="PART_II" id="PART_II">PART II</a></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_IV" id="BOOK_IV"><i>BOOK IV</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 9th-12th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Ib" id="CHAPTER_Ib">CHAPTER I</a></p> - -<p class="center">UNDER WAY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> bugle sounded. We might get out.</p> - -<p>Versailles. How these platforms swarmed! Ten convoys, like ours, with -their carriages decorated in the same way with flags and branches -of green leaves, scribbled over with harmless inscriptions and -caricatures, had turned out, topsyturvy, this crowd of soldiers in -chequered uniforms. The hubbub was tremendous. Everyone seemed in the -best of spirits. There were flowers in every cap. We were forbidden to -go far. As a matter of fact, no one thought of such a thing, we had -to take care not to lose our company, and section. We hardly ventured -as far as the fountains of drinking water. Having awaited my turn for -it, I went up just after Judsi. I actually felt inclined to smack him -on the back, he was so tantalising with his trick of drinking with his -lips glued to the tap.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin told me when I joined him that the halt was to last for -an hour. We might take a turn! We amused ourselves for a moment, by -watching<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span> some horses being entrained—by no means an easy job. They -were hoisting them in with slings. Their place of export was marked -"Remount depôt Saint-Lô." Guillaumin nudged me with his elbow.</p> - -<p>"Some concentration, what!"</p> - -<p>It was true. All the Brittany lines, most of those from Normandy and -Atlantic coast, converged there, bringing with them the blood of a -third, or almost a third, of France.</p> - -<p>We got back into the train. Evening was coming on. Guillaumin and I -were to keep order in the truck; forty men in our charge. To begin with -everyone had submitted to the restrictions concerning the arrangement -of packs and rifles. Now the confusion began. A lot of them had got -hold of their packs again to make a pillow, and most of them began to -shed their equipment.</p> - -<p>Lamalou set about moving the seats. I interfered. He began to argue -about it. Guillaumin had to join in, and Bouillon too.</p> - -<p>We started off again. Were we going to skirt Paris on the north or the -south? We soon found out. The train approached the gradient at Buc. We -watched in vain for some aeroplanes. Judsi exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Wot are you thinkin' of! They've all gone orf to Berlin!"</p> - -<p>There were brief stops at small stations. The same scene was repeated -every time: idlers crowding up to the railings to cheer us and we -replying with shouts of "Death to the Bosches!" "Down with the Kaiser!" -solely out of politeness, in order not to disappoint all these people -who had waited so long. There was no longer the frank enthusiasm there -had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> been just now on leaving F——. The men were getting tired. The -Red Cross members who distributed chocolate, fruit, and post-cards -in profusion were no longer hailed with the same delight. Loriot and -Lamalou ended by grumbling because they were so stingy with the wine.</p> - -<p>The night fell, and with it what was left of cheerfulness. Judsi was -the last to give in. He picked out well-known airs and set new words -to them, ineffable drivel, beyond all description, and probably of his -own composition. The coarsest sallies still raised a few laughs. These -echoes of an inane merriment were becoming quite unbearable.</p> - -<p>I thought of shutting the men up altogether. Guillaumin dissuaded me -from doing so:</p> - -<p>"Take care you don't get yourself disliked!"</p> - -<p>It was getting dark. Corporal Donnadieu lit the section lantern. Where -was it to be hung? To that hook in the middle of the ceiling. It swung -backwards and forwards giving a flickering light.</p> - -<p>Everyone was making preparations now, for going to sleep. A small -number occupied the seats, the rest were stretched on the floor. They -formed tangled groups in the shadows. Good-humoured elbow digs and -expostulations were exchanged.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had lain down beside me, with his own head on his pack, -and that of one of his corporals fitted between his knees. He became -expansive and exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"How's this for up-to-date comfort!"</p> - -<p>It was a stifling evening. I was hot and uncomfortable, as I had -not even had the courage to undo my belt. We had had a cold supper. -The smell of cheese and sausage still hung about. It was the first<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span> -taste of the promiscuousness. As long as the two doors were open, the -atmosphere was breathable. But here was Bouguet, who had just lain -down, shouting:</p> - -<p>"What do you say to shutting the door. There's a beastly draught."</p> - -<p>Some coarse aside of Judsi's raised roars of merriment.</p> - -<p>Lamalou sat up.</p> - -<p>"Let's shut the door."</p> - -<p>I shouted from the end of the carriage:</p> - -<p>"Steady on! You must leave room for a little air to get in!"</p> - -<p>Lamalou took no notice.</p> - -<p>"Didn't you hear?" asked Bouillon. "The sergeant's orders were to leave -it open!"</p> - -<p>Bouguet objected.</p> - -<p>"Do you want us all to catch our death of cold, sergeant? Besides it's -the rule that doors must be kept shut at night."</p> - -<p>Guillaumin raised himself, and whispered to me:</p> - -<p>"The chap's quite right, you know!"</p> - -<p>"How's that?"</p> - -<p>"The <i>poilus</i> will roll off into the scenery when they go to sleep."</p> - -<p>This prospect was disquieting. I said no more, but let them do as they -liked. A minute afterwards I complained of the stuffiness.</p> - -<p>"Why not have the ventilator opened?" Guillaumin suggested.</p> - -<p>"What ventilator?"</p> - -<p>He was obliging enough to get up and feel about to find the bolt. The -shutter slid along in the groove. A scrap of sky showed through, and -some fleecy clouds<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> shining in the moonlight. I announced that I should -like to spend my night at the window.</p> - -<p>"Are you quite off your chump? Try to have a snooze!"</p> - -<p>"I'm not sleepy."</p> - -<p>I groped along avoiding the slumberers and reached the seat near the -wall. I succeeded in pulling myself up, and leaning my elbows on the -opening, I breathed in the delicious night air.</p> - -<p>Our convoy was crawling along at a monotonous pace, through the -darkness. It seemed of an immoderate length, dark from end to end, -except in the centre, where the light from the officer's saloon shone -on the ballast. By leaning out while we went round the curves I could -make out the fire in the engine, a curtain of purple, with fantastic -shadows moving against it. Our whistle often blew, and others answered -stridently from the distance. The regular clank of the wheels on the -rails was audible, and a minute red dot could sometimes be seen at the -end of a straight piece of line—the tail light of the train ahead of -us.</p> - -<p>There were thousands of fleecy clouds scattered over the sky, all lit -up on the same side by the pale rays of the moon. We were leaving -the Vallée de la Bièvre. The surrounding country was growing flat. A -far-spreading horizon soon became visible beyond the open fields. Then -the radiance of Paris rose into sight.</p> - -<p>It was impossible to mistake it for the translucent band of a -mysterious, tender blue which still lingered in the west. It resembled -rather the afterglow of a sunrise or of a huge fire. The silhouettes -of houses and trees stood out in the foreground like Chinese shadows -against the glowing distance.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span></p> - -<p>The City of Light! I revelled in the vision and the symbol, both -equally imposing. What a part this city had played in history! How -feverishly she throbbed to-day. I blamed myself for having failed to -take advantage of the magnificent opportunity which had been within -my reach the other day. Ought I not, with more fellow-feeling and -enthusiasm, to have mixed with the crowd, and roamed day and night in -search of the secret of Paris, which was also the secret of France! I -remembered the boulevards brilliant in their multi-coloured lights, the -crowd crushing against the windows of the big daily papers....</p> - -<p>Fresh news would be appearing on the tapes at this hour. What would -it be? We had not been able to get a paper all day, but a persistent -rumour had reached us: "Mulhouse!" ...</p> - -<p>Was it a prelude to victory? Was Paris illuminated? Perhaps.... -But what if it were one of those ephemeral successes? What evil -presentiment enslaved me? Was I still under Fortin's influence? (Fortin -who was never mentioned now except in a whisper. We knew he was -confined to his cell: awaiting trial by Court Martial.)</p> - -<p>Paris! Why should I dream of defeat? Paris, our head and our heart! -Paris as hostage! As martyr perhaps! I pictured the horde of Barbarians -pitching their tents in the country we were slipping through, turning -their guns on to the glittering capital. Where would their fury end? -What would be left of these buildings, this glory, which seemed -destined for immortality? These were gloomy visions. Sick at heart, I -longed with more ardour than I had lately longed for anything on earth, -for the miraculous miscarriage of this probability.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span></p> - -<p>If there was one thing at which I was astonished, it was at not finding -most of my companions at the ventilators like myself. To send Paris -a last greeting! They must all, or nearly all, be feeling that all -they counted dear, was shut up within those walls. I who had no one -there—nor anywhere else either for that matter—this thought shook -me. Nobody. My father? Was a stranger, as I have already said. I -thought nevertheless of his farewell, of his fugitive tenderness, due -to obscure ties of the blood. Who else was there? Laquarrière? If he -thought of me it would certainly be to congratulate himself on being -safely in shelter, while I was risking.... Nobody. There really was -nobody!</p> - -<p>And yet my eyes probed the darkness, my glance was unconsciously drawn -in a certain direction.... In that suburb, I could imagine a street, -a house, ... in that house someone ... someone who had written!—"We -think of you a great deal...."</p> - -<p>An idle dream and one which passed.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There was a metallic rattle. We were crossing the Seine. Still a few -more miles to go, through the dark countryside. An important station -was coming soon. Myriad lamps lit up countless railway lines.</p> - -<p>Our speed slackened, till we slowed down to a walking pace. We slowly -skirted endless pavements. I could distinguish retreating uniforms and -piles of arms. An artillery sentry gave me a friendly wave.</p> - -<p>"What station do you come from?" I shouted to him.</p> - -<p>"Marseilles!" he replied.</p> - -<p>His warm Southern accent had made me start. How many convoys had he -seen rolling past in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> same direction during the few hours he had -been there with his battery. The concentration! The idea of this -gigantic operation made one think: these trains whose time-tables -had been arranged months, no years, in advance, these hundreds upon -hundreds of trains flashing across the country in every direction; -skirting gulfs and mountains, crossing the rivers, flowing in from -every extremity of France, carrying the immense masses of war material, -and the harvest of young men. Caught up in this huge mechanism, -this invisible unity, what a small thing I was, for all my pride of -intellect!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A new tack soon threw us off the main lines. I occasionally turned -round to look into the interior of the carriage, where the men were -sleeping, livid beneath the swinging lantern, like corpses, I thought, -at the bottom of a sunken submarine.</p> - -<p>I stayed like this for a long time, half-awake and half-dreaming. In -what direction were we going? To Maubeuge? Or Châlons? I remember a -long stop in the middle of the night on a siding on the outskirts of -Noisy-le-Sec.</p> - -<p>Some of the men were awake, eating bread and cheese. I felt a tap on my -shoulder.</p> - -<p>"Well, are you going to make up your mind to it?" Guillaumin asked me.</p> - -<p>"To what?"</p> - -<p>I yawned.</p> - -<p>"To take a nap. Why you're so sleepy you can hardly stand up! Come -along and lie down!"</p> - -<p>"Where? There's no room!"</p> - -<p>"What about my place?"</p> - -<p>I declined it with thanks. He insisted. Oh, come along! It was his turn -to take the air!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> - -<p>Very well. I gave in. We started off again. The outlook was no longer -so attractive. The glow of Paris had faded into the distance, and the -moon had just sunk behind the deep blue horizon.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIb" id="CHAPTER_IIb">CHAPTER II</a></p> - -<p class="center">HARASSED, ALREADY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">When</span> I woke, dawn was stealing in by the door which was once more open. -Judsi had installed himself at it, his legs dangling outside. We all -looked the worse for wear and had puffy faces.</p> - -<p>Where were we? It was dreary, barren country, an indefinite switchback -of bald ridges. The rocky part of Champagne apparently. Exactly. A few -minutes later our train drew up at Rheims.</p> - -<p>The weather was dull and drizzly. We felt cold when we got out: the men -began to stamp their feet. We N.C.O.'s joined up together. Descroix -and Humel complained bitterly of stiffness. The filthy carriages! Must -have been made on purpose for us! Everyone was sighing for his coffee. -Guillaumin preached patience. Frémont had wandered off to scribble a -letter. De Valpic was pale and silent and heavy-eyed.</p> - -<p>I left them and went in search of some clean water. When I came back, -tidied up and much refreshed, coffee had been brought. The tin drinking -cups were plunged at will into the "dixeys." It was scalding! A real -treat! There was "rooty" too. And the sun came out: we were reviving.</p> - -<p>Soon, a circle formed round Lieutenant Henriot.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> In order to make -himself pleasant Playoust had put certain questions to him concerning -the strategical situation. The other at once owned that he had had -certain hints from the colonel—oh, it was official then!—certain -indications....</p> - -<p>I drew near. He spread out a map on a seat, and began to speak with -great fluency.... I tried for a moment to follow him, but disobliging -shoulders got in the way. He was pointing out certain landmarks and -routes, and giving the names of towns and villages. It was all a closed -book to me! I got tired of it and went off; I was inclined to mistrust -these perorations by a subaltern.</p> - -<p>Our train was shunted back, and we started again.</p> - -<p>I was tired and peevish, and fumed at the length of our journey. -Eighteen hours already, and we were nowhere near the end!</p> - -<p>Our destination still remained a mystery, a problem which disquieted us.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin plumped for Sedan, and worried me to tell him what I thought.</p> - -<p>"What on earth does it matter to me?"</p> - -<p>"Do you think they'll come back as far as that?"</p> - -<p>To annoy him, I said:</p> - -<p>"Sure to!"</p> - -<p>He exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Well, to be going on with, you know we're at Mulhouse! Absolutely -official!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On the outskirts of Ste.-Menehould, there was a prolonged halt, without -permission to get out. Another convoy was standing on a side line. -There were some <i>poilus</i> on the platform. Bouillon drew attention to -their regimental numbers. They belonged<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> to our division. The men at -once called to each other, and asked them to join in a drink. Everyone -was delighted. It seemed little short of marvellous to find neighbours -from their part of the world, Beaucerons, so far from home!</p> - -<p>A new start. The country was becoming hilly and picturesque. There were -some gorges and then a long tunnel. There was no more doubt about the -direction we were taking! Corporal Bouguet, who had served his term -with the 4th, was most emphatic: we were taking a bee-line to Verdun!</p> - -<p>Good! the idea of fighting under the shelter of a powerful fortress was -not displeasing.</p> - -<p>Two hours more. The valley of the Meuse was reached, Verdun attained, -and then left behind.... The deuce! Were they going to detrain us at -the frontier in the first line...?</p> - -<p>No, a few miles farther on, the train stopped in the depths of the -country. There was a bugle call, and Henriot shouted:</p> - -<p>"Here we are!"</p> - -<p>"Where?"</p> - -<p>"At Charny, the terminus. Out you get! And no disorder, you understand!"</p> - -<p>In three minutes we were on the ground, arms and baggage and all.</p> - -<p>The captain passed by.</p> - -<p>"You're not over-tired?"</p> - -<p>Lamalou thumped his chest.</p> - -<p>"In the pink, sir!"</p> - -<p>"So much the better, because you've got a nice little walk before you!"</p> - -<p>Some long faces were pulled. It was nearly midday. We had had nothing -to eat and the heat was killing.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Now we return to business!" said Judsi.</p> - -<p>We went into the neighbouring field through a gap in the hedge. -Gaudéreaux bent down and picked up a clod of earth. He sniffed at it.</p> - -<p>"Pooh!" he said. "It ain't up to ours!"</p> - -<p>The lieutenant heard him, and reproved him for it.</p> - -<p>"It's the same thing, it's French soil. It's what we are going to be -killed for."</p> - -<p>Did he count on producing an effect? The other gazed at him, -dumbfounded!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A little walk indeed! I chewed the word with rage during the seven -hours that this march lasted. Did they think it was the right way...? -The right way to discourage the men!</p> - -<p>No respite except the hourly halts, and they managed to cheat over -them, by not whistling until the hour, or an hour and five minutes was -up, or cutting them short by two minutes!</p> - -<p>If there was one thing that astonished me it was the goodwill and -endurance, which I saw manifested all round me. "Grouse," the first -day? Oh no, that was out of the question! A praiseworthy resolution! -When going through the villages, the men found a way, even when -absolutely done up, of putting on a spurt, and making eyes at all the -pretty girls!</p> - -<p>Judsi sang snatches of very doubtful songs, which made some of them -laugh, while others, their more flighty sisters, blew us kisses.</p> - -<p>Corporal Bouguet all at once started a marching song: the men joined in -the chorus: the captain did not interfere, but the commanding officer -came rushing up, a pot-bellied puppet, perched up on his big horse. Oh, -come along! What was all this? Would they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span> shut up? Would they never -think of the war as something to be taken seriously?</p> - -<p>This rating was upsetting. Another incident helped to damp their -spirits. The distracted group we passed on the roadside ... a -lieutenant, a corporal, the cyclist, and an auxiliary medical officer, -surrounding a man stretched on the ground, a reservist who had just -fallen out. I caught sight of a violet face and glassy eyes.</p> - -<p>The rumour spread that it was a fit.</p> - -<p>The name of the man was soon discovered; he belonged to the 21st -company, and was named Gaspard Métairie, a coppersmith from F——. -Dead? Oh, yes! lying there like a log! I listened to the men's remarks. -Poor wretch! It made one's heart bleed. So soon. And so stupidly. If it -had been some of the Bosches' work there would have been nothing to be -said. But like that! Simply tired out! Fathers of families, just think! -Carrying the full weight!... But what was the good of fussing? The war -would not be over this evening!</p> - -<p>"Oh, a lot they care wot becomes of us," Loriot said. "I'm done, I am!"</p> - -<p>He retired on to the footpath.</p> - -<p>"What's the matter now?" I shouted to him.</p> - -<p>"No good. Can't go on!"</p> - -<p>"What can't go on?"</p> - -<p>"I can't. I'm an old trooper, I am!"</p> - -<p>He stopped and tried to sit down. The whole column slowed down, much -interested and amused.</p> - -<p>"March up, confound you!"</p> - -<p>The captain overtook us.</p> - -<p>"What's up?"</p> - -<p>My nerves were on edge. I don't know what put<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> the whim into my head, -but I gave a dry description of the scene at which I had assisted, the -verdict given by the Medical Officer, and the man's recriminations, -swearing that he would make a point of falling at the first shot.</p> - -<p>Loriot was hugging himself and pretending to be in awful pain.</p> - -<p>The captain did not pronounce an opinion.</p> - -<p>"Stay with him, Sergeant; you will report him to the Medical Officer."</p> - -<p>So we waited. Loriot sulking and livid with rage. I irritated at the -thought that this task ought to have fallen to Playoust, the sergeant -of the day.</p> - -<p>The companies, as they marched past included us in the same glance of -ironical pity.</p> - -<p>Surgeon-Major Bouchut recognised his "client," as he called him, at the -first glance.</p> - -<p>"Ah! It's hurting you, is it? Easy enough to say so! I can't examine -you here. Come along, jump in there! We shall soon see!"</p> - -<p>Under my very eyes, Loriot hoisted himself up into the ambulance, -settled himself down comfortably, and began to chat with the orderlies.</p> - -<p>Infuriated by my own stupidity and the delay it had cost me, I hurried -on.</p> - -<p>The road went up and up. I began to experience the smothered sensation -in the shoulders and chest caused by having to carry a pack. Every -hundred yards—and what a bore it was—the buckle of my sling came -undone, as the point was blunted and did not catch properly, and the -rifle slipped. An inconvenience which could not be remedied, and which -seemed likely to pursue me throughout the campaign. It was about four -o'clock; the sun was still blazing,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> drops of perspiration gathered -inside the men's caps and occasionally trickled on to the ground. To -think that this march was nothing: mere child's play.</p> - -<p>The worst of it was that just as I was about to catch the others up, -my right foot began to feel sore. I remembered that the evening they -had delivered these boots.... At the first halt I quickly took off both -boot and putties.</p> - -<p>The inspection filled me with consternation. I had hoped my stocking -alone was responsible for it.... Not at all, there was no irksome fold. -It was the counter right enough. What was to be done? The fatal blister -was gathering. The prospect of hours of atrocious pain stared me in the -face. The little courage I had oozed away.</p> - -<p>I was dying of thirst; I poured out a cupful. The water was warm, but -it refreshed me all the same. Catching sight of De Valpic, lying down -with sunken cheeks, I went up to him.</p> - -<p>"De Valpic?"</p> - -<p>He opened his eyes.</p> - -<p>"Will you have ... a drink?"</p> - -<p>"But you...?"</p> - -<p>"I've got plenty, don't you worry. I noticed ... your water-bottle is -leaking, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I don't know how it happened. It's very troublesome."</p> - -<p>"Hand me your drinking cup. There now. Wait a minute!" I half-filled it -for him, added a few drops of Ricqles, and pulling my mess-tin out of -my haversack offered him some sugar. He took two pieces, but greedily -drank a mouthful without waiting for it to melt.</p> - -<p>"Thanks; my throat was so terribly parched."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></p> - -<p>A wave of red flooded his cheeks.</p> - -<p>"You're a good sort, Dreher."</p> - -<p>I sat down beside him and asked him in a friendly way whether he was -not awfully tired?</p> - -<p>"I look it, don't I?"</p> - -<p>"Oh! Just like everyone else!"</p> - -<p>The whistle blew! I left him.</p> - -<p>"Cheer up!"</p> - -<p>But at the next pause I avoided looking in his direction. There was -only enough water for me.</p> - -<p>A few more miles. The men were grumbling quite openly now. From time -to time one would fall out, and all at once, or little by little lose -ground, and get left behind by the platoon. What was there to be said? -I interfered no more. These fellows had not had a bite since five -o'clock that morning.</p> - -<p>Were we to leave these stragglers their rifles, or not?</p> - -<p>The subaltern said they were to be taken away.</p> - -<p>The result was that those who remained threatened to give up in their -turn. Two rifles to drag about, not much! They were quite willing to do -their bit, but they were not going to be put upon, not them!</p> - -<p>Lieutenant Henriot changed his mind.</p> - -<p>"Each man will keep his own rifle!"</p> - -<p>"Too late now. How are we to find the owners of them all?"</p> - -<p>He got scared.</p> - -<p>"I was wrong. I made a mistake!" he repeated.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin reassured him by saying all the <i>poilus</i> were sure to turn -up.</p> - -<p>One would have thought that it all amused him, the long day's march, -the hunger and thirst,—everything. He kept on joking—rather too -familiarly perhaps—with Lamalou and Judsi and those of our men who -still<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> held out. He even took it into his head to talk theatres to me! -I soon sent him off with a flea in his ear, as may be imagined. He did -not notice for some time that I was limping.</p> - -<p>"Foot hurting you?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>He offered to carry my pack. I was on the point of allowing him to, but -Lamalou, who was watching me furtively, jeered.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, Sergeant! You following poor Loriot's example?"</p> - -<p>"No. I've got a sore foot," I said; "but I am going to stick to it all -right."</p> - -<p>On my refusal Guillaumin took on another lame dog's pack. Lamalou soon -followed his example.</p> - -<p>I only kept on automatically. My heel must be quite raw. Perhaps I was -risking the fate of my whole campaign. It couldn't be helped. In my -heart of hearts I almost congratulated myself on this opportunity of -escape.</p> - -<p>We ended by breaking all ranks. Sections, platoons, and companies were -all mixed up. We were just a herd, and at the entrance to a little -hamlet when the order was passed down to shoulder arms no one budged. -Not much! We're not so green as all that! Give us a bite o' some'at -first!</p> - -<p>But it was not to be so lightly disregarded! The captain rode down what -remained of our column, and repeated the order, brandishing his whip -furiously. The men made up their minds to obey it. We found out the -reason for it afterwards.... A general surrounded by his staff, was -watching us march past ... someone whispered that it was the general in -command of the division.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was unfortunate that this should be his first experience of us. He -took stock of us superciliously; his forehead puckered in a frown of -disillusionment. The men growled.</p> - -<p>"Like to see you in our place, old chap, with an empty stomach, and a -pack on your back!"</p> - -<p>Oh, that arrival at our billets in Orne, a village of five hundred -inhabitants, already overflowing with troops of all kinds. Oh, how -depressed we were, both physically and morally. I was especially -exhausted. There was a complete lack of any spirit of organisation -among the authorities, and the troops were totally out of hand. We were -obviously worth nothing at all!</p> - -<p>Where and how did the men get food? Guillaumin luckily took charge -of the whole section. I believe he bustled about, got hold of the -mess-corporal, and was the first to arrive with a fatigue party, at the -issue of rations which took place in the market-square towards midnight.</p> - -<p>I had sacrificed my "posse," but I still had some bread and hard-boiled -eggs left that I had brought with me from F——. I took off my -accoutrements and boots and installed myself in the best corner of the -stable reserved for our lot, and slept on the straw till five o'clock -next morning.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIIb" id="CHAPTER_IIIb">CHAPTER III</a></p> - -<p class="center">IN BILLETS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> weather next day was glorious. A fine rain had fallen. The men now -very clean and spruce, wandered about the village, with their caps -cocked over their ears.</p> - -<p>No danger threatened. No one would have thought we were at war. And -as for the Bosches, let them go hang! The natives had certainly said, -shaking their heads, that they had already seen some Uhlans on the -neighbouring hills. Absurd inventions. A dragoon whom we questioned -burst out laughing in our faces. The Bosches! They had indeed been -across the frontier for twenty-four hours or so, over there towards -Longwy. They were soon sent to the right-about. We might sleep in -peace! We had the regulars in front of us, about twenty regiments of -them!</p> - -<p>Some trenches had been dug at the approaches to the village, the 21st -had spent the night in them. It was one of the regular amusements to go -and look over them during the day-time. They were very unconvincing, -casually hewn out and occupied. Orne's defensive organisation! Who -could take it seriously?</p> - -<p>"Blowed if I don't think our good time's beginning," said Judsi.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> - -<p>The villagers were really delightful. These poor dwellers by the Meuse! -They did not have much of a time afterwards. Who would not have become -embittered in their place? At the outset we were touched by their -cordial, almost friendly reception. Many of us went in search of a -bed. I believe that but few were found which did not already boast an -occupant. Lamalou's experience was a case in point. Other attachments -were formed. On the other hand, Playoust came to grief—the thing -became known immediately—with the grocer's pretty wife. He revenged -himself by attributing the mishap to the regimental sergeant-major.</p> - -<p>The outstanding feature—which never varied throughout the -campaign—was the catering. We N.C.O.'s messed together. But Descroix -and his lot were already dissatisfied with this arrangement and -suggested that each platoon should fend for itself.</p> - -<p>I was doubtful about this, but Guillaumin took me aside.</p> - -<p>"Leave them alone! It will suit us much better!"</p> - -<p>He explained that he had made a great find in the shape of a top-hole -cook, a real professional. He had been chef at Bernstein's!!! The -fellow would perhaps consent to cook for three or four, but not a -word!—or the officers would appropriate him. He made me acquainted -with the prodigy, Gaufrèteau, a smooth-skinned, cold creature, very -much on his dignity, who would not bind himself in any way.</p> - -<p>Our comrades had managed somehow or other to get hold of some wine at -twenty-four sous the litre, good pale Lorraine wine, on which they -feasted among themselves. You had to pay two francs everywhere else for -a much inferior quality.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin determined he would not be outdone, and went off in search -of it. He ended by coming back triumphant, bringing the same wine at 1 -franc 20, and the wine merchant was to have the bottles back!</p> - -<p>He poured out several bumpers and made fun of De Valpic for refusing to -take any. I suggested adding some water to it. He ragged me in turn.</p> - -<p>"What are you afraid of? If we've got to be knocked out at this job, at -least let's have our money's worth first!"</p> - -<p>This coarse tomfoolery maddened me. Was it an attitude of mind assumed -for war-time, to match that of those poor brutes of troopers. I -sarcastically twitted him with it. He was not at all annoyed.</p> - -<p>"Just what I'm trying for!"</p> - -<p>Thereupon he invited his corporals and mine to empty new bottles. I -could not leave him in the lurch. All these people were drinking and -rotting with him round the table in the kitchen of our farm. The place -was filled with the smell of burning fat. What a scene, and what a -pastime! I was bored to death.</p> - -<p>"I'll see you later!" I said, and went off making some excuse. I should -have liked to meet Fortin or someone of that calibre. A pity they'd -left him at F——, but perhaps it might be lucky for him.</p> - -<p>I took a turn round the neighbouring billets. Nothing but men lying -about and a lot of them had spread into the fields round about, and -were taking a nap in the shade.</p> - -<p>My foot was better. I had painted it with tincture of iodine that -morning and the day before.</p> - -<p>I got out of the village without any difficulty. A sentry, far from -stopping me, asked me for some tobacco.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span></p> - -<p>A hill near by attracted me. I hoped to get a good view of the -surrounding country from the top. My ideas on the topography of the -neighbourhood were singularly confused. I knew the distance from Orne -to Verdun, 18 km. 7., and I was inclined to think the Valley of the -Meuse must lie somewhere near to southwards.</p> - -<p>My walk was not at all satisfying. From the summit I had aimed at, I -could see nothing but another ridge, crowned with a dark fringe of -trees. There was no outlet through which I could get a view. I came -back, tired and disappointed. Up there I had tried for a moment to give -rein to my imagination. Here is my country—Lorraine, I said to myself, -and I looked in vain for that serene melancholy, that voluptuous calm, -in the landscape.... It was obviously yet another example of poetic -exaggeration. It was not unpleasing country, but it was more like—oh, -anything you like to name, Perche, or the country round Paris.</p> - -<p>I went back. On the way I heard myself hailed from behind a hedge. It -was Playoust's voice. I went up and found the whole set of sergeants -from the 22nd. De Valpic alone was missing. I was surprised to catch -sight of Guillaumin, with cards in his hands.</p> - -<p>"What! You don't mean to say you're playing?" I said.</p> - -<p>"Yes, they're teaching me!"</p> - -<p>He explained with great gusto that they had come to fetch him to make -up a second four (Frémont was there too). He had no gift for it. -But he was sticking to it all the same. He had already lost one and -threepence!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And what about you, old boy? Do you know their blooming game?"</p> - -<p>"Yes," I replied coolly, "but it doesn't appeal to me, you know!"</p> - -<p>I did not linger. I bore him a grudge. If he was going over to that -lot he was quite at liberty to do so, of course, but he need no longer -count, as a matter of course, on my society—Oh dear, no!</p> - -<p>I went to lie down. I yawned. I was bored to tears.</p> - -<p>For the sake of something to do I emptied my pockets of their -miscellaneous contents.</p> - -<p>On pulling out the packet of letter cards which I had brought quite by -chance, I thought: Hello, why shouldn't I write a letter?</p> - -<p>But to whom should it be?</p> - -<p>Not to my father. I had nothing to tell him.</p> - -<p>As for my brother, I had not even got his complete address. I did not -know what company he was in. My brother Victor!... Why should I be -thinking of him particularly just now?... Where was he?... Somewhere in -the Woevre. Not very far from me, no doubt.</p> - -<p>What spirits was he in? War was the dream of their life, their goal, -their one passion, to all these soldiers. What a bizarre idea it was. -Simply a case of suggestion! What did they hope for from it, after all? -For the space of a second I had a strikingly clear vision of him, calm -and resolute, with his cap well down over his eyes, issuing his orders.</p> - -<p>The idea again occurred to me of writing to someone—whom I knew. But I -counted on my fingers; it was only three days; and it would be better -to wait until I had something worth writing about.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p> - -<p>When I went out again I found myself face to face with Henriot.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, how are you getting on, Dreher?" he said.</p> - -<p>"Pretty well, sir!"</p> - -<p>"Pity we get no papers!"</p> - -<p>I saw that he was bursting to have a talk, and, by Jove, it would be -good policy to get on good terms with my immediate chief once and for -all. I need only imitate Playoust; I asked him slyly what he thought -was happening.</p> - -<p>He needed no persuasion! He was fully aware of the fact that I had not -been among his audience the day before, and ingenuously expressed his -regret. De Valpic and I, he said, were the two best-read men in the -company. He would so much like to exchange ideas with us!</p> - -<p>As for exchanging ideas, all I was aiming at was to get him to trot his -out ... to get at him in that way. At my request he went to fetch a map -of the whole of our eastern frontier.</p> - -<p>I led him on to various subjects which I wished to explore, without -taking great pains about it: the composition of our army, the probable -figure of our effectives, our system of fortified towns.</p> - -<p>He replied at length, furnishing information collected and classed -without much sense of criticism. He placed the ideas he had gleaned -from the special courses for officers, on the same level with those -picked up in certain technical reviews, and a great number of -commonplaces borrowed from the daily papers.</p> - -<p>But he fancied himself particular on the questions of strategy.</p> - -<p>The German scheme was done for! Everything was based, you see, on -the complicity or, at all events,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> the passivity of Belgium. They -had concentrated four army corps in their camps in advance, Trèves, -Malmédy, Atles-Lager. They would have hurled them simultaneously on to -the left bank of the Meuse, and they could have gone straight ahead -across the flat country. In five days they would have been in the -Scheldt, on the way to Valenciennes. They would have reached the valley -of the Oise, and from there have gone on to Paris. And it might quite -likely have succeeded!...</p> - -<p>He warmed to his subject.</p> - -<p>They came to grief. The Belgians have demolished forty thousand men, -a whole army corps. The English have had time to land, and we to fall -into line. And what do you say to our retort in Alsace the other day? -We are getting the entire control of affairs into our hands.</p> - -<p>His forefinger indicated Mulhouse.</p> - -<p>Look, we're back there again and firmly based there, for good, believe -me! It's obviously ours. Take Strassburg? No, not at once. Invest it -perhaps, that's all. But push straight on across the Rhine. It's not so -easy, but we should spare nothing in order to do that! Just think! Once -past the Rhine all we should have to do would be to go straight ahead, -and cut Germany in half. Separate the Northern Provinces under Prussia, -from Bavaria, which is not nearly so antagonistic to us really, and the -Russians, after having taken Cracow and Prague, will soon be shaking -hands with us!</p> - -<p>He stopped talking and wiped his forehead. Gazing at his map he seemed -to regret that it did not include the theatre of to-morrow's victories.</p> - -<p>I gazed at him with surprise and mistrust. But he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> seemed so sure of -his ground! I knew these theories were current in higher military -circles. These daring anticipations reminded me of those expressed so -many times in my presence by my father and brother.</p> - -<p>How the thought of Victor pursued me! I could not restrain myself from -mentioning him.</p> - -<p>"Oh! What is he in?" said Henriot.</p> - -<p>"The 161st St. Mihiel."</p> - -<p>"A crack regiment that!"</p> - -<p>"Have they been in action yet?"</p> - -<p>"Probably!"</p> - -<p>"And what about us?" I said. "Do you think we shall soon be engaged?"</p> - -<p>"I should hardly think so. What is there ahead of us? Luxembourg. They -violated it on August 2nd. A lot of good it did them! Their offensive -turned northwards. Now they've got to defend themselves. I don't think -they'll attempt anything much against the Stenay gap. I don't think -we're much exposed!"</p> - -<p>So much the better! I thought.</p> - -<p>"I personally should have liked to fight in this part of the country."</p> - -<p>"Do you come from near here?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, from Villers-sur-Meuse, about fifty miles from here."</p> - -<p>He added a few details. It was only his second post, and he asked for -nothing better than to stay there as long as possible. His father had -been master there before him, and was buried there.</p> - -<p>We are Lorrains, you see, that's why I made such a point of being in -the reserves.</p> - -<p>I asked him naïvely if he had ever thought of war.</p> - -<p>"What! We never thought of anything else!"</p> - -<p>I suddenly recognised in him, the obstinacy and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span> exaltation which had -surprised me, as a child, in the inhabitants of Emberménil.</p> - -<p>I had honestly forgotten that such rancour survived. After more -than forty years! Revenge then was not simply an abstract pretext, -it corresponded actually, to a desire, a hatred! The old furnace -still threw out sparks in the new generation capable of setting the -conflagration alight at any moment.</p> - -<p>I could not help blaming this fury. The stupid dislike of resignation -and discretion, of that which constituted men's happiness.</p> - -<p>Did I not, however, vaguely envy this impassioned tone and face?</p> - -<p>Why did I announce:</p> - -<p>"I'm a Lorrain too, you know!"</p> - -<p>"Really?" he said; "Oh well, I had suspected it, just from your name. -What part do you come from?"</p> - -<p>I told him. He was delighted. He had relations round about Lunéville.</p> - -<p>"We are the only ones in the platoon. That ought to make us good -friends, what?"</p> - -<p>I felt that he was moved. I pretended to be. But I was chilled again. -I only thought like the other evening, under my father's gaze: "I a -Lorrain! In what am I a Lorrain?" And the idea that I should have -brothers and foes, just because I was born on this side, and not on -that side of a certain line, seemed to me grotesque.</p> - -<p>It was about time for "cookhouse door" to go. Our card-players -reappeared. I enjoyed first their surprise, then their only thin-veiled -annoyance. It was particularly aggravating for the schoolmasters. -Henriot, with his hand on my shoulder, was talking to me as to an -intimate confidant. They began to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> wander round, anxious to interrupt -us, but withheld from doing so by their deeply-rooted respect for rank.</p> - -<p>Great Heavens! if I had guessed what would put an end to our -conversation!</p> - -<p>Henriot stopped abruptly in the middle of a sentence.</p> - -<p>"Hsh! What's that...?"</p> - -<p>"That dull distant rumble...."</p> - -<p>The men scattered about in the road and in the yard, were listening -intently. Corporal Bouguet who was passing muttered:</p> - -<p>"No, it can't be...?"</p> - -<p>It began again, like the echo of a peal of thunder....</p> - -<p>Then the subaltern pronounced the word I had expected:</p> - -<p>"The guns!"</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>It ran along repeated from mouth to mouth. The guns! The guns! I -shuddered with physical anguish. A battle in progress over there, quite -near by, which I felt would draw us in and swallow us up. The guns! -Were they the ones which would make a pulp of my body?</p> - -<p>Guillaumin suddenly appeared and seized me by the arm.</p> - -<p>"My heart's beating. How queer it is!"</p> - -<p>I was stupid enough to swagger.</p> - -<p>"It reminds me of the Camp of Châlons!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IVb" id="CHAPTER_IVb">CHAPTER IV</a></p> - -<p class="center">AN ALARM</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> guns went on growling at intervals for an hour, and then stopped. -Have I explained that our company was quartered almost in the open? Too -much in the open, apparently. The order came round for us to clear out, -and to squeeze into the smaller of the two farms which we occupied.</p> - -<p>Nothing could have been more uncomfortable than the stable, or rather -the cattle-shed which fell to our platoon. It might even have been a -pig-stye to judge by the stink! They had contented themselves with -throwing a thin layer of straw on the litter of dung. The men grumbled: -Loriot most of all. I went to see for myself, the others were in the -same predicament. They were openly discussing the ill-feeling which was -beginning to establish itself between the commanding officer and the -captain. Every time there was a particularly filthy billet going, it -would be for the 22nd!</p> - -<p>I was hesitating about lying down when Guillaumin came up beaming.</p> - -<p>"Breton certainly has a flair for comfortable quarters; there's no -denying it. Do you know what they've rooted out? A hay-loft. And a -clean one, too!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> We'll have it all to ourselves. We must get hold of De -Valpic."</p> - -<p>We went to find him.</p> - -<p>"Thanks, it's awfully good of you!"</p> - -<p>He assured us, though, that he would prefer to sleep alongside some -rick as it was fine to-night.</p> - -<p>"You'll be frozen!"</p> - -<p>"I shall get some fresh air!"</p> - -<p>"As much as you could want!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin showed me the way. It was behind the outhouses. A ladder was -leaning up against it. I caught sight of Playoust at the window. He -drew his head in immediately. Descroix appeared.</p> - -<p>"There's not room for two!" he shouted.</p> - -<p>"How's that?"</p> - -<p>Little Humel showed up beside him!</p> - -<p>"Reserved for the first platoon! We invited Guillaumin, that's all!"</p> - -<p>"Look here, what about me!" I said quite calmly.</p> - -<p>"Impossible!"</p> - -<p>I said to Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"You might have asked them before you came to fetch me!"</p> - -<p>"Rot! They're fooling!" he said. "There's room in there for fifteen or -twenty."</p> - -<p>He gave me a shove.</p> - -<p>"Get along up!"</p> - -<p>I put my foot on the first rung and began to climb up. Humel had called -for help. Descroix seized the ladder with both hands and shook it. I -nearly took a toss.</p> - -<p>"The brute!"</p> - -<p>I jumped down. The others up there were howling with laughter. If I was -sickened by it, Guillaumin<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> appeared more offended. He set to work to -blackguard them, in language very much to the point. Playoust tried to -appease them: "Why make such a fuss! I was so fond of being alone. It -was very good of them to offer him a place! Why not bring the viscount -along too straight away?"</p> - -<p>"De Valpic? He's going to sleep in the open air!" Humel yelped.</p> - -<p>"Very well, then; why can't Dreher do the same thing!"</p> - -<p>I considered it useless to insist. I should manage all right, I said to -Guillaumin, but I advised him most strongly to take advantage of the -stroke of luck—as he was so thick with them!</p> - -<p>Not at all! He protested that nothing on earth would induce him to -desert me. It was shameful, the way they had treated me. On active -service all ought to help one another. How delighted the Bosches would -have been if they had witnessed the scene.</p> - -<p>Playoust retorted by jeering at us and reaped an easy harvest of -guffaws among his accomplices. Guillaumin unexpectedly seized the -ladder, and carried it off. I went with him laughing, while infuriated -shouts followed us.</p> - -<p>We got back to our stable.</p> - -<p>"For us the dung!"</p> - -<p>"Yes, like Job."</p> - -<p>The smell was sickening, and the worst of it was that my place had -been taken. Judsi was lying there snoring. I felt about him, he shook -himself and let off an impropriety, which made me recoil. Luckily my -faithful Bouillon hailed me. He made himself small and I was able to -squeeze between him and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span> Corporal Donnadieu, and with my handkerchief -over my nose, I soon fell fast asleep.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There was an alarm in the middle of the night. A sudden clamour was -heard in <i>the</i> road and the click of bayonets. To arms! To arms!</p> - -<p>We leapt to our feet and went out. Outside there was nothing but -tumult and bustling, indescribable confusion, terrified creatures -bumping up against each other and seizing each other by the throat. I -know my heart was thumping. A night attack? Good Heavens! It was very -astounding.... And yet the enemy was not far away....</p> - -<p>Five minutes of disorder and panic. We could not have offered the -slightest resistance! What was happening? The captain had come down and -was whistling incessantly. I groped about searching for my section and -platoon. They were lost! This pale form! Lamalou, in shirt sleeves, by -Jove, but armed, and shouting, and ready for anything....</p> - -<p>What was the matter after all?...</p> - -<p>At last the riddle was solved by De Valpic, who told us that a horse -had got loose on the outskirts of the village, and its owner, a -dragoon, had run after it shouting:</p> - -<p>"Olga! Olga!"</p> - -<p>A too zealous sentry had thought he heard "To Arms!" that was all.</p> - -<p>We laughed ourselves hoarse. But one person who was not at all pleased -was the captain. Awakened at the first movements, he had come rushing -up in haste, and had whistled, as I said.... Guillaumin and I were -the only ones to answer. We were the only two sleeping with our men. -The others were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> in great difficulties. How were they to get down -from the hay-loft without a ladder? In the dark! Jump? The regimental -sergeant-major had sprained his foot slightly.... What! What! Had -he been up there! He was the one to get the biggest wigging. He was -horribly upset about it.</p> - -<p>An explanation which followed between Guillaumin and Descroix nearly -ended in their coming to blows. Playoust egged them on. Breton and I -had all we could do to keep them apart.</p> - -<p>One thing pleased me; a step Frémont took.</p> - -<p>"I was with them," he said; "forgive me. They are idiots, but I -couldn't get down. They're all in my platoon. They would have led me -such a life. You're not annoyed with me, I hope?"</p> - -<p>"Not at all."</p> - -<p>The remainder of the night was calmer. From four o'clock onwards, -however, the distant sinister rumbling became noticeable again. There -must be something serious doing, for this music to strike up again at -dawn!</p> - -<p>We soon began to stretch and get up. Thanks to my little pocket-glass, -I discovered some strange eruptions on my face. They worried me. What -could they be?</p> - -<p>"Spiders, 'rooky,'" Bouillon announced jovially.</p> - -<p>I was at the pump in a bound, and spent quite a long time washing and -soaping myself. In my absence, coffee was prepared and handed round. -When I came back there was nothing left but a few lukewarm dregs.</p> - -<p>I blamed Bouguet for it.</p> - -<p>"In future you'll see that my coffee is kept for me!"</p> - -<p>He kicked at this.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I only have just enough for my section. Sergeant Donnadieu has one man -less. It's his job to get yours."</p> - -<p>I made enquiries. He was quite right.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Vb" id="CHAPTER_Vb">CHAPTER V</a></p> - -<p class="center">A THUNDERBOLT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> cannonade, which increased in intensity hour by hour, made that -morning a time of agonising suspense. For me, at least. The men who had -already got accustomed to the noise, paid no more attention to it.</p> - -<p>The regimental sergeant-major had been round to inspect accoutrements. -Some of the men were dropped on, poor Gaudéreaux among others, as he -had been unlucky enough to forget a rag for his rifle.</p> - -<p>He was ordered confinement to barracks, but went out all the same. -Ravelli who had met him in the village had him arrested and taken to -the guard-room where he was sentenced by the captain to four days' -confinement.</p> - -<p>Lamalou commiserated him quite openly.</p> - -<p>"That's what it is to be so bloomin' good-natured. Like to see 'em -darin' to put upon me like that!"</p> - -<p>The regimental sergeant-major who overheard him gave him a furious -look, but actually was afraid to say anything and only revenged himself -by slyly warning him for the next fatigue.</p> - -<p>In the afternoon Lieutenant Henriot came to have a chat with Guillaumin -and me. I noticed his anxiety to cause no more jealousy. Catching sight -of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> Descroix and Humel who were getting some fresh air in the yard, he -called them. In this way the circle became enlarged. Too much for me! I -bolted.</p> - -<p>When Guillaumin came to find me again, I put on a sarcastic tone:</p> - -<p>"Thrilling, what?"</p> - -<p>"Oh ... quite interesting! You seemed to be listening all right -yesterday!"</p> - -<p>"Couldn't help myself!"</p> - -<p>I undertook to quote the conversation I had had the day before with the -little subaltern. To be honest, I exaggerated grossly. I ridiculed poor -Henriot, and put on a tremolo, to recall his words about his birthplace -where he taught, where his father was buried.</p> - -<p>It seemed as if Guillaumin only half liked this skit. He stopped me.</p> - -<p>"He may not be a genius, but he's quite a good sort."</p> - -<p>I was discontented with myself and with him.</p> - -<p>I expected that we should be sent to relieve the 21st in the trenches. -I was mistaken. It was the 23rd. Our turn was skipped. I don't know why.</p> - -<p>This cannonade which still persisted and seemed to be drawing nearer, -unnerved me. Where were they fighting? What approximately were the -lines of tactical defence?</p> - -<p>De Valpic to whom I happened to put the question, informed me.</p> - -<p>"The Loison and the Othain."</p> - -<p>"What are they?"</p> - -<p>"Tributaries of the Meuse. They both join the Chiers, near Montmédy."</p> - -<p>"You are well up in it."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span></p> - -<p>He smiled; he was going in to lie down as usual.</p> - -<p>The firing was still going on. I said to Bouillon:</p> - -<p>"We may be going up one of these days!"</p> - -<p>"Where to?"</p> - -<p>"Into the firing line."</p> - -<p>"Good luck!"</p> - -<p>"Really, good luck?"</p> - -<p>"The sooner we go there, the sooner the war will be over!"</p> - -<p>"But ... supposing we stay there?"</p> - -<p>"Oh well, one end's as good as another!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Towards evening someone announced that there was a convoy of wounded on -the road. Frémont happened to be beside me. I took him by the arm:</p> - -<p>"Are you coming to have a look?"</p> - -<p>He hesitated. I took him along.</p> - -<p>In the principal street a string of carts was filing past, carrying -unearthly beings with sunken eyes, and blackened, ravaged faces. They -were silent and had dirty bandages, some on their heads and some on -their arms.</p> - -<p>Our <i>poilus</i> had hurried up, and were forming a hedge. They ventured to -question those who seemed the least affected.</p> - -<p>"Well, lads? So you've given 'em a knock?"</p> - -<p>Most of them did not reply. A few shook their heads.</p> - -<p>"Nothing to be done."</p> - -<p>"More likely them?"</p> - -<p>They made a painful impression. More carts followed, these last drawn -at a foot's pace. Orderlies signed to us that they contained the badly -wounded.</p> - -<p>Their time was up. Why bother to transport them even?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p> - -<p>A vehicle passed at a trot going in the opposite direction empty.</p> - -<p>"What have you done with your cargo?" shouted another driver.</p> - -<p>"Going to load up again! Poor lads, turned into corpses, they are!"</p> - -<p>Frémont had turned very pale.</p> - -<p>"Let's be off!" he murmured.</p> - -<p>"Oh, rot!" I said rather fiercely. "Let's see as much as we can.... We -may be in their place to-morrow."</p> - -<p>He stayed. A low cart appeared, containing two stretchers. On one of -them was an officer with a bloodless face. He had a compress on his -neck which dripped dark blood. On the other there was a young beardless -corporal, whose respiration was rapid but even. Although awake, he -persistently kept his eyes closed. What could his wound be? The orderly -gave an expressive glance. A great-coat which had been thrown over the -man hung down at the knee-joints. His two legs were gone.</p> - -<p>"No, no, come away!" Frémont repeated with a shudder.</p> - -<p>The horror of it! And it might so easily have been my turn to agonise -to-morrow! By the fault of the politicians who had let loose this -war! I cursed the allotted task, the yoke laid on so many, and my own -acquiescence.</p> - -<p>Then my attention was distracted. An N.C.O. in the 30th who took an -opportunity of getting out when his cart stopped—the horse had lost a -shoe, I believe—asked for a drink. Someone offered him wine.</p> - -<p>"No. Water!"</p> - -<p>An uncanny voice, hoarse with fever. They<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> brought him some water. He -drank large gulps of it. I watched him. What was the matter with him, -with his dark ringed eyes and pinched, mask-like face, and his body -bent so queerly!</p> - -<p>He began to speak in short, staccato sentences. He described the -engagement which had taken place the day before. The long wait in the -trench under shell fire in the full glare of the sun. They had not seen -the Bosches, but knew they were quite near by. The weariness and the -enervation which increased as the day went on. The longing to be done -with it, for the losses were becoming serious. The effect of the damned -fairy tale accredited by the newspapers and even by the <i>communiqués</i>, -according to which the enemy could never stand up against the bayonet. -You could see the men half-pulling them out, the precious things, and -looking at them longingly, so slim and sharp and shining...!</p> - -<p>And then at the end of the day the stroke of madness...! Word had -been passed along, no one knew where it started from, "Fix bayonets: -Charge!" The order rolled on from company to company. They had got -up man by man then in ranks.... Forward! They had rushed out, they -were covering the ground at a tremendous pace. They felt that their -opponents were there, petrified. They were just on the point of falling -upon them. They yelled. No retort. Quicker, quicker! It was really -marvellous...!</p> - -<p>But suddenly they realised their mistake. Too late. There was an echo -of terror. Along this plantation of trees there was a river. They -calculated its width. Not very wide, but too wide to clear at a jump, -all the same!</p> - -<p>"The Othain?" I suggested.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span></p> - -<p>"How should I know!"</p> - -<p>And then—it was all pre-arranged of course!—then the enemy had opened -fire with their machine guns at two hundred yards. They all flung -themselves flat!... What a panic there had been. The men had thrown -themselves desperately into the dark icy water, drowning themselves -among the rushes under the very eyes of their companions.... The rest -who had no entrenching tools with them, or packs either, were reduced -to digging themselves in with their pocket knives and their nails. The -enemy, who were coming nearer, calmly continued to ply their infernal -"tea kettle" for a whole hour. The result being that there was not a -man left out of the two battalions engaged. Not one, untouched! All -killed or wounded!</p> - -<p>"And what about you, Sergeant?" asked Donnadieu, the little red-haired -corporal.</p> - -<p>"Me?"</p> - -<p>He pulled a wry face.</p> - -<p>"Napoo'd!"</p> - -<p>"How do you mean, napoo'd," I exclaimed.</p> - -<p>"Yes, I've got a ball in my stomach—and as they have not operated——"</p> - -<p>Ah! that explained his being so doubled up! He climbed back into his -cart.</p> - -<p>"Well, so long, you fellows. Hope you'll have better luck."</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"Oh! it's blooming funny, this war!"</p> - -<p>We were subdued and silent. Then Judsi jeered.</p> - -<p>"Oh, dash it all, the bloke must be pilin' it on. We may 'ave been -mauled a bit, likely as not, but wot about them—with our 75's——"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You're right there," Bouillon exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Another private, who was wounded in the arm, shouted gaily as he passed.</p> - -<p>"The comedy's over for this child."</p> - -<p>"Wot, you don't mean to say you're legging it after the first act, you -waster?"</p> - -<p>He had good reason to rejoice. I would have given all I possessed to be -in that man's shoes.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>After this, excitement reigned. The rumour spread that a start was -near, in fact imminent. The subaltern assured them in vain that he knew -nothing of it, that he did not think.... The men repeated the words -picked up by the captain's orderly.</p> - -<p>"Luckily there'll be a moon to-night!"</p> - -<p>Curfew time arrived, however, without anything happening and we turned -in.</p> - -<p>But a little before midnight the quartermaster's voice was heard at the -door.</p> - -<p>"Turn out! Marching kit!"</p> - -<p>We were in full harness in no time. I went out. I came across Henriot -and asked him.</p> - -<p>"Are we really off?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes."</p> - -<p>"Any news?"</p> - -<p>"Hm! I've just had a talk with a subaltern who's come down from the -Woevre."</p> - -<p>"From what part exactly?"</p> - -<p>"Flirey."</p> - -<p>The name struck me. I remembered having heard it in my father's mouth.</p> - -<p>"Is he still there, the subaltern you mentioned?"</p> - -<p>"I think so; yes, look there!"</p> - -<p>I caught sight of the silhouette of a cavalry officer.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> I went up to -him spurred on by a singular presentiment.</p> - -<p>"I hear you've been near Flirey during the last few days, sir...."</p> - -<p>"Exactly."</p> - -<p>I tried to make out his regimental number.</p> - -<p>"Did you by any chance come across the 161st?"</p> - -<p>"Rather! I was attached to them for rations for three days!"</p> - -<p>I hesitated.</p> - -<p>"You don't happen to remember a Lieutenant Dreher?"</p> - -<p>He repeated:</p> - -<p>"Dreher?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"A big fair fellow; a good-looking chap?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"His picket was surprised. He was killed!"</p> - -<p>"No!"</p> - -<p>"Excuse me; I saw him being carried away. He had a bullet in his head. -Did you know him, Sergeant?"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_V" id="BOOK_V"><i>BOOK V</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 12th-13th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIb" id="CHAPTER_VIb">CHAPTER VI</a></p> - -<p class="center">ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">My</span> brother! My brother killed! I went off, without a word in reply, -and lost myself in the darkness. I was stupefied. My brother killed! I -was on the point of fainting. And then, in a few minutes, I regained -my control. I had the impression of having advanced a stage; of an -awakening.</p> - -<p>Finished, and done with my rôle as on-looker in all these things. No -more detached, distant pity for me like that with which I had been -inspired by those dying men just now. How my blood rushed through my -veins. I conjured up a vision of my brother alive, leading his men. I -saw him totter and fall. They picked him up, stone dead! With a hole -through his forehead! That was the end. There was no more to be done -but to make the sign of the cross over all that remained of him!</p> - -<p>Henriot passed me again, buckling the strap of his revolver. He asked -me casually:</p> - -<p>"Well, did you speak to him?"</p> - -<p>I was on the point of saying to him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span></p> - -<p>"My brother ... you know, my brother."</p> - -<p>But a feeling of shyness prevented me, the idea of confiding in anyone -was repugnant to me.... Guillaumin appeared in his turn, his képi worn -square; I did not say anything to him either: the idea of forcedly -conventional phrases sickened me.</p> - -<p>We formed into platoons. Roll-call. Nobody missing in our lot.</p> - -<p>The men were joking in spite of our instructions. Judsi's nasal -intonations could be distinguished.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, Loriot, you old rotter, you going to march? Didn't the M.O. -recognise you?"</p> - -<p>Each one's a bigger fool than the last!</p> - -<p>Loriot shrugged his shoulders.</p> - -<p>Corporal Donnadieu was the only one who looked thoughtful and absorbed. -An agriculturalist, with delicate features, and a sandy moustache; I -liked him for his conscientiousness and zeal. He suddenly turned to me, -and said in a whisper:</p> - -<p>"So we're going up to the front, you think, Sergeant?"</p> - -<p>"I believe so."</p> - -<p>"Already?"</p> - -<p>"Already."</p> - -<p>"How many will stay there?"</p> - -<p>He looked as if he were reckoning up the number of victims around us. I -said wearily:</p> - -<p>"Oh, as to that!"</p> - -<p>He was silent. I asked him if he was married.</p> - -<p>"Yes, Sergeant."</p> - -<p>"Any children?"</p> - -<p>"One of fifteen months, and another ... on the way!"</p> - -<p>Looking down at the ground, he sighed.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span></p> - -<p>"How stupid it is to fight!"</p> - -<p>I thought how in our camp, and no doubt in the opposite camps too, -nearly every individual was privately thinking the same thing! And yet -each one bowed his head and went on. Poor human race!</p> - -<p>We started off. The night was cool and clear. A good one to march on.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin came to keep me company. He announced that he was in "the -pink" and joked below his breath with his men and mine, whom he already -knew better than I did. He forced me to share his good humour. It may -be imagined that I did not rise much, though I avoided looking too -anxious. I dreaded a direct question and intended to withdraw into -myself alone with my sorrow.</p> - -<p>He ended by getting tired of it and left me, but then it was the -subaltern's turn to hang on to me. It was difficult to escape him. It -was in vain that I purposely arranged to walk so that he was forced to -the side of the road, where he kept stumbling over endless obstacles -such as ruts and heaps of flints. He did not lose heart, and I had to -put up with a new explanation of the situation. Then he tried to make -out where we were. Every other minute I saw him consulting his map with -the aid of his electric torch.</p> - -<p>"Look, we're following this road."</p> - -<p>He must have made a mistake, at some cross roads. Contrary to his -expectation we did not cross the high road to Étain. Then he tried to -take his bearings by the heavens, the Great Wain, and the Polar Star.</p> - -<p>I no longer even pretended to take an interest. I thirsted for -solitude. I took advantage of a moment when he left me to go to the -captain, to sign to Bouillon. With this place filled, I was saved.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p> - -<p>I went on automatically like a beast of burden. The weariness, and -perspiration, the crushing weight of the pack, the bumping of the -haversack and the water-bottle, the pressure of the crossed straps, all -that combined, almost took away the consciousness of existence. A vague -regret survived, however.</p> - -<p>I mechanically repeated to myself from time to time: "My brother has -been killed, my brother has been killed...." But these words conveyed -hardly anything to my mind, my grief seemed to be numbed. I confusedly -flattered myself that just now, at the first respite, it would awake, -awful and sweet, and envelop me in its generous flood.</p> - -<p>Another obsession, this one very ordinary and almost humiliating, was -the rubbed place on my heel. It was not cured and I had struggled in -vain to break the counter. The same rub at each step. On the uneven, -stony surface of the bad roads we were following, I often made a false -step. So great was my exhaustion that I no longer even took the trouble -to throw my weight on to the tip of my foot in order to lessen the -painful contact.</p> - -<p>A high road at last. In a neighbouring field we caught sight of some -teams and forage and ammunition waggons.</p> - -<p>"An artillery park," Henriot shouted across Bouillon's head.</p> - -<p>A little farther on we passed a troop of cavalry wrapped in their long -dark blue greatcoats. Our <i>poilus</i> expressed their envy of them aloud.</p> - -<p>"War's a picnic to those chaps!"</p> - -<p>It was still quite dark—we were going through a forest when the -cannonade started again, abrupt and violent. So near this time. -Everyone started at it.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> - -<p>It rumbled and roared on every side. It felt exactly like being in the -middle of a battle. And what a striking contrast there was between the -silence, the sweet-scented air, and the calm of the woods, and this -crashing and thundering! We were alone on this road, the moon had just -risen; a gentle breeze caressed the little flowers on the slope, and -the moss damp with dew.</p> - -<p>Day was breaking when we left the wood.</p> - -<p>We advanced across a slightly sloping upland.</p> - -<p>"Halt!"</p> - -<p>Rows and rows of piled arms stretched away into the distance. There -was a brigade, or perhaps a division there. We counted on a rest worth -having. But a whirring noise was heard. We looked up. One, no two -German aeroplanes, like the silhouettes of evil-looking birds, were -easily recognisable.</p> - -<p>A neighbouring company fired a volley at them. They continued to -flutter above us turning and twisting insolently. The men shook their -fists at them. And the same thought occurred to us all: What were our -aeroplanes doing? A third Taube arrived and dropped a rocket.</p> - -<p>"The devil!"</p> - -<p>"Look out!" shouted Henriot. "We've been marked right enough! We shall -catch it hot!"</p> - -<p>The alarm was given. We scattered at the double and threw ourselves -down, and shivered in the icy dawn. The expected shells did not come. -The captain sent for the subaltern.</p> - -<p>"To give him a wigging," said Descroix.</p> - -<p>Playoust jeered.</p> - -<p>"He talked of catching it hot! I see he was quite right about it!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p> - -<p>The warning had sufficed. The big detachment collected there, seemed -to have evaporated. Some platoons were disappearing ahead over the -neighbouring ridge.</p> - -<p>Were we to follow? Not at all. We were taken back, on the contrary, as -far as the wood. We all went into it, and the order was given to pile -arms. We might rest, but were not to go far away!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIb" id="CHAPTER_VIIb">CHAPTER VII</a></p> - -<p class="center">I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I went</span> to lie down a little way off, at the foot of a tree. At last I -had a free moment. At last I belonged to myself!</p> - -<p>The funereal refrain resounded in me anew: Victor killed! I -expected.... Dead, dead, my brother! A procession of regrets was bound -to follow! In spite of myself, paltry worries came back to annoy me, my -sore foot as usual. I lost my temper. Despicable solicitude! When I had -been so hard hit!</p> - -<p>Revolving these thoughts in my mind, I was suddenly seized with terror, -with that terror which always freezes me at the sudden disappearance of -any being with whom I have come into contact. But for all this terror I -must confess that I was only moderately afflicted, however reluctant I -might be to admit it.</p> - -<p>It went no doubt to prove that I was incapable of moral suffering. It -filled me with shame. I longed ardently to overcome it. But in what -way? Who could believe that I went as far as to ask myself, "What -happens when one loses an only brother; how does one feel?"</p> - -<p>And then all at once I lost patience. Come along! Come along! Let's -be frank. Had I not sworn long ago to avoid all juggling with words. -No<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span> shammed grief for me! Quite true I had lost my brother! But what -was he to me? I remember the impression, corroborated so often, that -we had nothing in common. He, the classical type of soldier, a slave -to his convictions. I, reared on philosophy, moulded of doubt and -detachment. A brother to whom I had never for a moment opened my heart, -with whom I had had no intimate converse. How pitifully trite, too, our -correspondence had been! He for his part lived engrossed in the wife -chosen and schooled to his liking, and in his children, who interested -me only as being pretty little creatures. My brother simply by an -accident of birth! I obviously could not mourn for him in the same way -as for someone I had loved!</p> - -<p>This reasoning calmed me. But the question still persisted -mechanically: "Then whom did I love?" Suddenly the answer, the cruel -answer, presented itself: "No one on earth! I was quite alone!"</p> - -<p>Why was the thought of my heart withered beyond all help, so odious to -me to-day? Why, in order to dispel it, was I driven to conjure up the -sorrow which years and years ago had made my child's heart bleed?</p> - -<p>My mother. My sweet mother. Fourteen years had passed in vain, since -that terrible day; the wound had never healed. She had been ill no -time; a bad attack of influenza, a great deal of fever, threatened -pneumonia. I had spent part of the afternoon in her room. She -complained of nothing but thirst. I got her what she wanted and -reminded her when it was time to take her medicine. She was not very -much pulled down. I remember that she had congratulated me on obtaining -a good place in Latin prose. Some<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> artless remark on the maid's part -had tickled us both.... And that night the hospital nurse who had -arrived a few hours before, knocked at my door, panic-stricken.... It -was all over. What a thunderbolt it had been.</p> - -<p>I felt my heart swell and my eyes fill again at the memory of it! I -still mourned for her to-day, for her, for her! So I was not quite -lacking in all humane feeling. And it was not my fault if the present -stroke of destiny failed to move me at all deeply.</p> - -<p>I felt softened, however. The dear shade exhaled some tender property. -I had been my mother's confidant as a child. It was to me that she -liked to unbosom herself, morning and evening, as she bent her -harmonious face over my face. She used to say to me: "We two understand -each other, don't we?"</p> - -<p>Had she not once or twice gently and seriously confided in me the -secret of certain fears? Supposing anything were to happen to her, -she seemed to fear for the future union of the family. She felt that -she was the bond between us, that as long as she was alive, she -concentrated our affections. My father, without entirely fathoming her, -adored her, and so did my brother, though brought up away from her at -school. If she were the first to go.... It was an odd presentiment.</p> - -<p>So my mother had foreseen this estrangement between beings of the same -blood; had grieved about it beforehand. Alas! she could never have -believed that the breech could have yawned so large.... If she could -have suspected that a day would come when her Michel would hear of the -other's death with dry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> eyes and an untouched heart, what bitterness it -would have been to her! The thought weighed on my mind.</p> - -<p>I got up and walked a few steps. I was limping slightly.</p> - -<p>Boom! Boom! Boom! Ever since it had been light, the deafening uproar -had redoubled.</p> - -<p>Frémont who was lying on his side gave me a friendly wave.</p> - -<p>"What are you doing there?"</p> - -<p>"Writing my diary."</p> - -<p>He waved a bundle of closely written sheets.</p> - -<p>"My wife can't grumble! I sent her the same amount yesterday."</p> - -<p>"Are you telling her that we can hear firing?"</p> - -<p>"Rather not! I'm giving her a description of our humdrum existence at -Orne."</p> - -<p>"Will you lend me your stylo, when you've finished?" I asked.</p> - -<p>"Half a minute! I'm just ending it off."</p> - -<p>He got up.</p> - -<p>"I recommend you to try my desk; this big stone. Most handy! Got some -writing paper?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, thanks."</p> - -<p>I settled down. The idea of writing had been put into my head by the -sight of Frémont. By doing so it seemed to me that I might atone for or -lessen my lack of....</p> - -<p>I sent my condolences first of all to my father, to whom Victor was -everything; his sole object in existence. Fragments of a recent -conversation floated across my mind. In what a voice he had said: "They -will nearly all stay there!" The old Spartan! But had he not counted -too much on his strength of mind.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>... And yet, no. I was certain of -his unshakable constancy. I foresaw that in case of victory, the old -man would not utter a complaint, but would congratulate himself on -having contributed to it by his loss.</p> - -<p>Oh, come along. It had got to be done.... Luckily I need not write -much. The noise of the cannonade was a good excuse for brevity. A few -sentences would be enough, a suitable expression of my compassion. I -signed it. Then I wrote a line to my sister-in-law. That of course -was obligatory. Poor little woman! A widow, at twenty-four, with two -kids.... The idea of her loneliness and misery saddened me. My pen -raced over the paper. I was soon at the end of a sheet.</p> - -<p>I fastened up these letters with a sigh of relief at having done my -duty. But it suddenly struck me that I could not send them. They -would run the risk of getting there before the official intimation. I -shuddered at the idea.</p> - -<p>Then why should I have been in such a hurry?</p> - -<p>Meanwhile I felt about in my pocket, and pulled out a third card. Did I -realise at once where my steps were taking me? I think not. I had only -written the heading.... And yet! I was smiling; but I was strangely -troubled.</p> - -<p>A line to announce this loss which clouded my campaign, a pitying -allusion to the misery of the survivor. What should I add? I was not -dissatisfied with the manly words in which I describe us as sending a -friendly greeting to a few beings in the world, just as we were about -to hurl ourselves into the ghastly furnace.</p> - -<p>I re-read them with a smile, half-tender, half-scepti<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>cal, and slowly -and rather dreamily, I addressed the envelope.</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 25%;">Mademoiselle Jeannine Landry</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 30%;">rue Faidherbe.</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 35%;">St-Mandé.</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>When should I be able to despatch this letter?</p> - -<p>Perhaps I should fall with it on my breast....</p> - -<p>And people would think I had been writing to my fiancée!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIIb" id="CHAPTER_VIIIb">CHAPTER VIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">AWAITING OUR CUE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I had</span> got up again. The inflamed place on my heel was becoming -intolerable. I resigned myself to taking off my shoes and stockings.</p> - -<p>The head which had formed yesterday had been pulled off. It had a very -unhealthy look. An abscess would probably form.</p> - -<p>What could I do? Report sick? For a sore on my foot! And just now too. -But my claim would not be allowed. Bouchut would not look at me! I had -seen poor wretches at the manœuvres forced to march with gory feet, -and with septic gatherings from which blood oozed at the pressure.... -No, there was no hope for me there! I must go on then, but in future -should have to endure fresh torture at each step I took.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had joined me.</p> - -<p>"Your foot again? Let's have a look!"</p> - -<p>He bent down and examined it.</p> - -<p>"The counter! Oh! be blowed to it! That is a bore! Why go out of your -way to get something different from the regulation boots. I'm delighted -with mine. Still it can't be helped. Something must be done for this."</p> - -<p>I explained that I had treated myself with tincture of iodine.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Diluted, I hope?"</p> - -<p>"How do you mean?"</p> - -<p>I learnt from him that the strength supplied now was too caustic.</p> - -<p>"Some picric acid is what you want on there now."</p> - -<p>"You haven't got any, I suppose?"</p> - -<p>"What are you thinking of? I've got a little bit of everything!"</p> - -<p>He went off and soon came back, with a small bottle and a brush which -he carefully took out of a glass tube.</p> - -<p>"Stings a bit, doesn't it?"</p> - -<p>He had also brought a bit of linen. He deftly bound up my ankle. I -admired his dexterity.</p> - -<p>"Where did you learn it?"</p> - -<p>"Hunting, of course! That's the way to get sprains."</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"I think that'll do until to-morrow!"</p> - -<p>He got hold of my boot.</p> - -<p>"This filthy counter. That's what's the matter. If only there was a -way...."</p> - -<p>"Of doing what?"</p> - -<p>"With some scissors.... I've got some of them too, in my housewife."</p> - -<p>Another journey. When he had got back and adjusted his eye-glass he set -to work to snip and shape. Particles of leather kept falling.</p> - -<p>"You're not spoiling it?"</p> - -<p>"Don't you worry! I'm an adept at this sort of thing!"</p> - -<p>He had finished.</p> - -<p>"Shove it on again. Well, how does it feel?"</p> - -<p>The friction was actually much lessened.</p> - -<p>"It will be the salvation of me, old chap!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p> - -<p>He made a good-natured grimace. I looked at his thick red nose, his -sandy moustache with its piteous droop at the corners of his mouth, -his oily hair tangled under the cap which was perched on the back of -his head. There was a touch of the grotesque in his ugliness at this -moment. A blundering simple soul too, and overtalkative. And yet ... -what a good sort he was! He had that rarest of virtues, Kindness, the -mark of real distinction of soul. What spontaneous gratitude he aroused -in me. To think that quite lately I had hardly dared to defend him -against Laquarrière's sarcasms. That would all be changed now. To-day -my choice was made, and well made.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>There seemed to be a lull in the fighting. The cannonade was less -violent. I wished for a moment that the struggle might end without -us.... Yes, but only on condition that the result was favourable. I -was not without apprehensions on that score, for what a repulse that -action, described to us the day before, must have been!</p> - -<p>Guillaumin was hungry, and did not worry his head about anything else. -Now or never was the time to stoke up. Before joining in the dance!</p> - -<p>I took his advice. Before starting in the middle of the night, we had -been given a cold meal, potatoes, bully beef, and cheese. We had some -bread left. Having clubbed our provisions we ate our little feast on -the moss.</p> - -<p>"Like Robinson Crusoe, what!"</p> - -<p>I made a point of getting my companion to take the largest helps.</p> - -<p>When the last mouthful was swallowed, he lay down and shut his eyes.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What do you say to a little snooze?"</p> - -<p>I tried to imitate him, but could not get to sleep. A road ran through -the wood, about a hundred yards away. Endless vehicles passed along it -in an incessant string. My foot was not hurting me now. Why shouldn't I -push on as far as that?</p> - -<p>As I skirted our piles of arms I noticed an open haversack sprawling on -its back apart from the others. Some undergarments were hanging out, -and a squad book, and one or two other oddments were lying in the grass -a little farther on.</p> - -<p>I turned the offending object over with my foot and spelt the -inscription traced on the square of grey canvas. Then I shouted:</p> - -<p>"Judsi!"</p> - -<p>He was seated with several others about twenty yards off.</p> - -<p>"Judsi!" I repeated.</p> - -<p>His neighbour, Lamalou, nudged him.</p> - -<p>"Don't you hear the sergeant talking to you?"</p> - -<p>"Wot's wrong?" he said without moving.</p> - -<p>"Does this haversack belong to you?"</p> - -<p>"Wot 'aversack? Yes, it might."</p> - -<p>"What the deuce is it doing here?"</p> - -<p>"Anything wrong with it?"</p> - -<p>Judsi impertinently fixed his sly clown's eyes on me.</p> - -<p>"You know the captain will not have untidiness or disorder. Why is your -haversack open?"</p> - -<p>The blackguard pretended to consider the matter.</p> - -<p>"Probably ... 'cos it ain't shut!"</p> - -<p>This reply overjoyed his audience. Loriot slapped his thigh. Lamalou -nearly died with laughing. As for me, my cheeks burned. I went down -on one knee, and pulled the iron rations out of the haversack with a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> -jerk. Then I counted the biscuits. Ten instead of fourteen! Four were -missing.</p> - -<p>I went straight up to the man.</p> - -<p>"Judsi, what have you done with your biscuits?"</p> - -<p>"My biscuits?"</p> - -<p>He tossed his head with a monkey-like grimace.</p> - -<p>"No 'posse' either, p'r'aps!"</p> - -<p>"Answer me. Four are missing already!"</p> - -<p>"Ow dear, now, wot a business!"</p> - -<p>There was dead silence round us. They knew that matters were coming to -a head.</p> - -<p>"You know that we are strictly forbidden to touch the biscuits without -orders ..." I reminded him dryly.</p> - -<p>"Oo's orders? The ministers'?"</p> - -<p>Judsi looked round in search of applause. He did not get it. Loriot -alone sniggered in a foolish sort of way. Lamalou cut him short.</p> - -<p>"It's true enough that we have no right."</p> - -<p>I emphasised his words.</p> - -<p>"Lamalou knows well enough: he's seen some fighting and knows what it -is!"</p> - -<p>The ex-private in the African battalion again agreed. I continued:</p> - -<p>"You understand that I, personally, don't care a hang. But a time -might come when we were in a jolly tight hole and should be thankful -to have our biscuits. And then it's not for us to argue about it. If -it's forbidden, it's forbidden, and Sergeant Guillaumin and I are -responsible...."</p> - -<p>The argument carried weight. Somebody said:</p> - -<p>"Not worth getting slanged about!"</p> - -<p>Bouillon outdid him.</p> - -<p>"Strikes me it ain't the sergeants wot worries you."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You're right there!"</p> - -<p>They were agreed on that point.</p> - -<p>"Well, Judsi?" I began again less severely.</p> - -<p>He tried to get out of it.</p> - -<p>"W'en a bloke's starvin'!"</p> - -<p>"Starving! You've had your haversack rations."</p> - -<p>Bouillon gave him away.</p> - -<p>"'E didn't take 'em. Couldn't bovver wif carryin' 'em!"</p> - -<p>Judsi dropped some of his swagger. He got up sulkily, and slowly pulled -one, two, three biscuits out of his greatcoat pocket....</p> - -<p>"And the fourth?"</p> - -<p>"Oh!... eaten!"</p> - -<p>"Well anyhow, put those back."</p> - -<p>He obeyed with very sour looks; then raising his clown's face, he said:</p> - -<p>"'Ave to put up with a empty stummick all day then?"</p> - -<p>"I don't want to get you into trouble," I said; "I shall not report -you. But let this be understood in future.... The biscuits are sacred, -see! Now...."</p> - -<p>I looked round the circle.</p> - -<p>"If your pals like to give up a little of their ration, that's their -affair. Another time they'll find some way of making you carry your -own...."</p> - -<p>This Solomon's judgment perplexed the audience. Bouillon saved the -situation by sticking a knife into a potato:</p> - -<p>"'Ere you are, Judsi. 'Ere's a pertater. It's one o' yours by rights. I -picked 'em up!"</p> - -<p>Gaudéreaux split a piece of cheese. "Rooty?" Lamalou supplied some.</p> - -<p>"Take that you old blighter. But another time<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> you better mind or I'll -catch you such a biff in the bottom ... just like the sergeant said."</p> - -<p>I went away in a state of naïve contentment, thinking that I had not -done badly. For the first time I had a glimmering of the meaning of the -word Authority. To know how to command men!</p> - -<p>I saw Lieutenant Henriot coming towards me from the edge of the wood in -a state of wild excitement. He had his field-glasses in his hand.</p> - -<p>"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" he cried. "What on earth are we waiting for? I -ask you!"</p> - -<p>I suggested.</p> - -<p>"Well, but.... They seem to be holding us in reserve."</p> - -<p>"That's all very well for an hour! But ever since this morning! What -the devil is the use of us? Doesn't everything point to the fact -that we ought to go to the rescue instead of crossing our arms? No -orders.... No orders? And suppose the bearer of them has been killed -or taken prisoner! There's only one rule that counts: the same that -won all their victories for the Prussians in 1870. That is to keep on -till you get to the guns. They're near enough, in all conscience. Never -heard such a din."</p> - -<p>He continued:</p> - -<p>"And the moment was so well chosen! Look at all those chaps, how they -are aching to get to work!"</p> - -<p>I looked at him instead. Was he dreaming? The men were lying about in a -circle after their meal. They certainly seemed resigned to their lot, -but as for enthusiasm—not a sign of it. Nor even of that altogether -physical excitement of which people speak. Henriot obviously attributed -his own keenness to them.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p> - -<p>He was most certainly in a state of exaltation. Was he to be envied? -Probably. But my familiar spirit of analysis did not desert me. It was -useless to pretend that the approach of a battle absolutely changes -men's characters, that no one can say beforehand what he will do under -certain circumstances. Nonsense. I was quite convinced that I should -never be roused to acts of heroism and folly. All the better for that -matter. The primordial quality of self-possession was the greatest -safeguard for myself and for others. Poor Henriot. What childishness it -was to be so set upon hurling himself into the fray. What difference -would our presence make? Weren't we far better off resting in the shade -screened from the glare of the midday sun?...</p> - -<p>Descroix came and started Henriot off again. Frémont called me:</p> - -<p>"Halloa! I was looking for you! If you want to send your letters, -Dagomert is there on the road."</p> - -<p>He was the brigade motor-cyclist.</p> - -<p>"I'll go with you," I said.</p> - -<p>Dagomert, a tall, pale fellow, with a comical expression, -good-humouredly undertook our commission.</p> - -<p>"Hand 'em over. I've got piles more already. I hope to have the luck to -come across a post-office. They keep me on the run all right. I've just -come from Censenvoye. It's a business getting along the road with all -these troops, too!"</p> - -<p>I asked him if he knew anything about the battle. How were things going?</p> - -<p>He exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"We've just given them a fine doing!"</p> - -<p>"Seriously?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p> - -<p>A thrill ran through me. But I mistrusted these tales.</p> - -<p>"We saw some wounded belonging to the 130th yesterday.... They didn't -think it much fun!" I objected.</p> - -<p>"I can understand that! Their regiment was wiped out!"</p> - -<p>"Well, then?"</p> - -<p>"That was just at the beginning! It was up to the Bosches to advance. -We let them cross the river.... Heavens! How they swarmed! Then all at -once the 75's began to talk!... Their bridges were smashed up at once. -And the arms and legs and heads that were flying about!... It appears -to have been highly entertaining!"</p> - -<p>"And now?"</p> - -<p>"We're pursuing them. Bringing up reinforcements, and masses of -artillery!"</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"But we've been badly cut up!"</p> - -<p>"In ours?"</p> - -<p>"If you saw the ambulance, just over there!"</p> - -<p>Frémont interrupted:</p> - -<p>"Halloa! That our lot starting?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, there was something doing down there."</p> - -<p>"<i>Au revoir</i>, Dagomert, old chap!"</p> - -<p>We hurried along. The men had got their packs on, and were assembling -without any more signs of emotion than when starting for an ordinary -route march. The lieutenant's excitement was in striking contrast with -the phlegmatic appearance of the rest. He was fussing and running up -and down.</p> - -<p>"Entrenching tools.... Entrenching tools in your belts! Cartridges -where you can get at them!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Don't you worry!" murmured Lamalou testing the mechanism of his rifle.</p> - -<p>Henriot came up at once.</p> - -<p>"Made up their minds at last. Not a bit too early either."</p> - -<p>He had a wild look in his eye. It pleased me to excite him still more:</p> - -<p>"Things are not going badly you know!"</p> - -<p>"What! What! Have you heard something?"</p> - -<p>I repeated the information the motor-cyclist had given us. He hurriedly -consulted his map.</p> - -<p>"On the bank, you say? We're pursuing them? Oh, but that means a great -victory!"</p> - -<p>The captain blew his whistle. We formed into a semi-circle.</p> - -<p>"My friends ..." he began.</p> - -<p>Armed with a piece of straw, Humel was tickling his neighbour's neck. -This childishness shocked me.</p> - -<p>The captain said only a few words. He was nothing of an orator. I -was afraid for a moment that his speech might end in gibbering. He -recovered himself and concluded. And the men seemed moved by it. It -didn't take much to do the trick!</p> - -<p>The company formed up again, by platoons, in columns of four. I -considered my companions, one by one, with passionate curiosity.</p> - -<p>Bouillon was licking his lips, topping that last bit of cheese! Judsi -had got hold of Siméon, and was ragging him, telling him that big louts -like him would be the first to be knocked out. Siméon was genuinely -amused by the idea. Lamalou was calmly blackening Icard's, the -miller's, sight. They might all have been a hundred miles away from the -battle-field where more than one of them would fall!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span></p> - -<p>And Guillaumin? I asked him how he felt.</p> - -<p>"Pretty fit, thanks. I've had a good nap!"</p> - -<p>It did not seem to occur to him that I might be solicitous about his -morale.</p> - -<p>They were all heroes then. My goodness no! Simply happy-go-lucky! There -was a slight distinction though, and whatever it was, they scored by -a propitious frame of mind. I was afraid that I might show up badly, -being the only one to remain clear-headed. What could be done about it? -I forced a wry smile.</p> - -<p>Then I saw that Corporal Donnadieu was looking very unhappy and -depressed. His nostrils looked pinched, and he was gazing at the -ground.... He was obviously not keen to fight. I felt sorry for him. He -was no doubt thinking of his wife, of his two children, one of them on -the way....</p> - -<p>I caught sight of Frémont, standing stock-still in the rear of the -first platoon. I knew what he was dreaming of too. I repented at the -thought that I might have impaired his courage yesterday. A persistent -shadow seemed to have clouded his face ever since ... I only hoped that -he too might get through.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IXb" id="CHAPTER_IXb">CHAPTER IX</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE BAPTISM OF FIRE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Once</span> having left the wood, we reached the little hilltop of which I -have already spoken.</p> - -<p>In spite of having been told that the modern battle-field is empty, I -had never imagined anything so desert like as this. Not a man to be -seen in these fields which sloped gently downwards; it was abandoned -territory.</p> - -<p>The firing still continued to rage around us. We could even distinguish -a distant crackling now, either rifle-firing or shrapnel, a sign that -we were getting nearer.</p> - -<p>When we passed by a Calvary, I saw some of the men sign themselves, -Gaudéreaux and Trichet among others. They would never have done it -during manœuvres. Why was I inclined to see in this Calvary one -of the points which would decide the fate of the struggle? I think I -must have been hypnotised by the remembrance of the one at Isly. I -recollected Zola's superb pages in <i>La Débâcle</i>. Another passage which -recurred to my mind was the description of Waterloo in <i>La Chartreuse</i> -for which I had had a great admiration ever since my schooldays. I was -tempted to compare myself with Fabrice. How far removed I was from his -freshness of spirit, his youthful enthusiasm.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin suddenly signed to me.</p> - -<p>"Just look at that!"</p> - -<p>Down below us, yonder, there rose a puff of smoke, then another nearer; -a third; all in a line. They might have been little bonfires lit by an -invisible hand. The bursting points of shells!</p> - -<p>The noise of the short sharp reports reached us.</p> - -<p>"Look out," Guillaumin whispered to me. "They're lengthening their -range!"</p> - -<p>We had stopped, silent and nonplussed. The captain galloped along the -line.</p> - -<p>"To fifty paces—extend."</p> - -<p>Henriot bellowed, repeating the order. There was no panic. I think no -one had fully realised yet that those slight puffs which had appeared -were a direct menace to us.</p> - -<p>We had taken up the extended order and went on marching, but with -rather broken ranks.</p> - -<p>"Close up! Close up!" shouted Henriot.</p> - -<p>He was running. I noticed that he had drawn his sword. It was very -funny. Did he think that he was about to charge? He tried to put it -back into the sheath. He stumbled. The men nudged each other with their -elbows. A pint of good blood!</p> - -<p>Our "connecting file" rushed up.</p> - -<p>"Blob formation!"</p> - -<p>Henriot, who was still struggling with his scabbard, hesitated. Then he -shouted:</p> - -<p>"Left incline! No. Right incline! No. As you were!"</p> - -<p>"He's all at sea!" said Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>Suddenly.... What was happening? Something whistled past.</p> - -<p>"Lie down!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span></p> - -<p>I threw myself down, and the men too, without waiting for the order. -One did it instinctively.</p> - -<p>"Testudos! Testudos!" bellowed Henriot, in an extraordinarily shrill -voice.</p> - -<p>There was a gigantic explosion close at hand; the ground shook. We were -lying <i>pêle-mêle</i>, wherever we'd happened to fall, in groups of eight -or ten, and covering much too much ground.</p> - -<p>"Close! Close!" I shouted. "Glue yourselves on to each other."</p> - -<p>But the ground was shaken again, some flints were sent flying against -us. No one stirred. What an instant that was. I hardly dared to look -round. As far as the eye could see our men were scattered over the -ground in little driblets in the same way in which water spilt on a -pavement trickles into tiny pools.</p> - -<p>I had predicted that I would be clear-headed.</p> - -<p>Shells poured from the radiant sky, preceded by their awe-inspiring -blast. We realised which were meant for us, and would fall within a -radius of two or three hundred yards. If a single one hit the mark -nothing would be left of us but a bleeding mass. O God of Chance! I -humbly placed myself in His hands. Second after second passed in the -expectation of annihilation. Then I recovered a certain amount of -detachment in the thought that I had lost all control over my fate. My -thoughts were in a whirl. Life was a fine thing. I might have employed -the time allotted to me very differently. My youth contained nothing. I -detested Laquarrière. I had made a mess of my share of existence! And -mixed with these regrets was a new hope hard to explain.</p> - -<p>How many minutes had passed. There was a lull. A voice was raised; it -was Bouillon's.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Nobody killed!"</p> - -<p>The relief of it! We raised ourselves up on to our knees. Some -aeroplanes were circling above us. Taubes, of course!</p> - -<p>"Up you get!"</p> - -<p>The neighbouring section had started off again. We advanced rapidly. -Our connecting file came towards us at the double.</p> - -<p>"By sections!"</p> - -<p>Henriot repeated:</p> - -<p>"Dreher, Guillaumin, by sections!"</p> - -<p>We looked at each other, then I exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Come along, the 2nd with me!"</p> - -<p>The men did not seem to understand.</p> - -<p>"Bouguet, Donnadieu."</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had gone off to rally his thirty <i>poilus</i>.</p> - -<p>Mine at last made up their minds to follow me, in some disorder.</p> - -<p>What formation ought we to adopt? Two deep? Columns of four? -Consult Henriot? I hailed him. Waste of energy. He went off making -incomprehensible signals to Guillaumin. We must make the best of it.</p> - -<p>"Two deep! Two deep!"</p> - -<p>The booming began again ... for us, this lot!</p> - -<p>"Kneel!"</p> - -<p>I shook Siméon by the shoulder!</p> - -<p>"Close! Testudos!"</p> - -<p>A few actually remembered what to do—Lamalou and Bouillon. They stuck -their heads between the legs of the men kneeling in front of them. -Their neighbours imitated them.</p> - -<p>I had been the last to get down, at the head of my small column. There -was no one for me to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> shelter behind, so I ran a greater risk than any -of the others.</p> - -<p>"Get back here, Sergeant," said Corporal Bouguet, "we'll make room for -you!"</p> - -<p>I crawled back, and slipped in between him and Trichet.</p> - -<p>"Thanks!"</p> - -<p>I was guilty of a little bit of bluff and stuck my head out. There was -a regular hurricane going on. All round us there were great spurts of -smoke and dust, and clods of earth were hurled against us. But the pack -seemed a great protection, and I felt that we were not very vulnerable -really. Some shells did not burst, and I made a remark to that effect.</p> - -<p>I had to watch the movements of the neighbouring sections in order to -conform to them.</p> - -<p>They were going on again.</p> - -<p>"Advance!"</p> - -<p>We went on.</p> - -<p>"Pretty hot stuff!" said Judsi. "We ought to go in zigzags, best way to -get through," he advised.</p> - -<p>I approved.</p> - -<p>Judsi's right. The range only varies in depth.</p> - -<p>We were beginning to distinguish the sound of the different shells -through this infernal din. The big ones were always impressive; we -frankly snapped our fingers at the smaller ones.</p> - -<p>"Is that all?" said Bouguet as a splinter of shrapnel bounced off his -pack.</p> - -<p>"Listen!" Lamalou exclaimed, "there are the 75's letting loose."</p> - -<p>I don't know what we expected. A miracle—the immediate cessation of -the enemy's fire. We were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> disillusioned. It redoubled in intensity. -One or two shells again fell near by.</p> - -<p>"Ah!" exclaimed Bouguet. "That got 'em!"</p> - -<p>"Who?"</p> - -<p>"The lads of No. 1! Fell slap in the middle of 'em."</p> - -<p>A shiver ran down my back. I only hoped to goodness that Frémont -was all right. Looking round I saw haggard faces turned towards us. -Corporal Donnadieu was deadly white. I forced a smile and shouted:</p> - -<p>"Halloa there! How are you getting along?"</p> - -<p>"So, so," said Lamalou.</p> - -<p>I nearly tripped over a black, cylinder-shaped mass.</p> - -<p>"Look out there. A 'dud'!"</p> - -<p>They avoided it and Bouillon said:</p> - -<p>"Lucky you gave tongue like that. I was just going to tip it a hefty -biff."</p> - -<p>How long did that march under artillery fire last? We covered a good -bit of ground, two or three broad undulations. We halted, and reformed -and advanced. From time to time we came across an enormous hole, five -or six feet across and three feet deep, which we had to go round.</p> - -<p>"Pretty useful, their 'coal boxes,' to make such pits."</p> - -<p>Happily, Judsi, cried:</p> - -<p>"They're digging a grave for the Kaiser!"</p> - -<p>My one idea was to keep my intervals.</p> - -<p>Bouillon asked me whether a river we were coming to was the Meuse.</p> - -<p>I made him repeat it. A river? Why so there was.... The Othain perhaps? -For everyone was talking about it....</p> - -<p>"How are we to get across? Swim?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span></p> - -<p>I was asking myself the same question. The bursts of firing grew less -frequent. We advanced in rushes, for longer distances, but not so fast. -We felt comparatively safe. Our attention was beginning to wander....</p> - -<p>"Lie down! We're in for it now!"</p> - -<p>There was a terrible explosion close by, on our left ... a flash, and a -stinging blast. I saw Bouguet put his hand up to his cap; a bit of the -peak had gone.</p> - -<p>Looking up, I shouted:</p> - -<p>"Anything the matter?"</p> - -<p>"Yes!"</p> - -<p>The squall was not over. Never mind that! I ran along. A man was -writhing on the ground.</p> - -<p>"It's Blanchet," said Judsi.</p> - -<p>"Where's he hit?"</p> - -<p>"In the bread-basket."</p> - -<p>The poor fellow was lying doubled up on his side. He was holding back -his guts with his two hands stuck through a hole in his greatcoat. At -a movement he made to push his gun aside, I caught sight of them.... I -was petrified with horror, just as I had been one evening when I had -seen a child pulled from under a tram. But I realised that everyone's -gaze was fixed on me. I said:</p> - -<p>"Donnadieu, he's in your half-section, isn't he?"</p> - -<p>The corporal did not answer. His face was mottled, and there were beads -of perspiration on his forehead.</p> - -<p>"You must ... take away his ammunition!" I continued.</p> - -<p>He hesitated, then bent down with terrible repugnance, and touched the -wounded man's cartridge-pouches. He had some difficulty in opening -them, because his hands were trembling.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p> - -<p>Blanchet was giving in, his eyes were growing dim, and yet he had the -courage to move a little to enable us to undo his haversack, which was -also emptied. I repeated:</p> - -<p>"Come along! Come along. Hurry up!"</p> - -<p>Donnadieu murmured:</p> - -<p>"I say, Sergeant, surely you won't leave him like that?"</p> - -<p>I read in his eyes the vague hope of staying behind, of slinking -away....</p> - -<p>"Come along! We must catch the others up!" I said impatiently.</p> - -<p>Then less harshly:</p> - -<p>"The stretcher party will come and pick him up; they are sure not to be -far off."</p> - -<p>I bent down over the wounded man:</p> - -<p>"Do you hear, old chap?"</p> - -<p>He gave me a poignant look, without uttering a word. I stammered:</p> - -<p>"You'll be all right, you'll find! <i>Au revoir!</i>"</p> - -<p>Then raising myself I added more firmly:</p> - -<p>"And now we must get on!"</p> - -<p>The men followed me, but there were some very painful moments to be got -through.</p> - -<p>"The father of a family!" signed Siméon who knew him.</p> - -<p>Our column was lengthening. I waited for the stragglers.</p> - -<p>"Come along! Donnadieu, Trichet!..."</p> - -<p>The ground sloped down towards the river. We were surprised by a -strange, fetid smell in the air, which was oddly out of keeping with -this harmonious countryside, gilded by the summer. We tried to make out -what it was.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Corpses!"</p> - -<p>"And not French ones either!"</p> - -<p>It was a fact that these grey forms lying in the grass were Germans—a -regular hecatomb. Rows upon rows of dead bodies, which, in some places, -we had to step over.... When had they fallen there? A day or two before -no doubt. The men drew each other's attention to some ravens wheeling -overhead or perched near by, croaking.</p> - -<p><i>Pouah!</i></p> - -<p>I thought of nothing but how to keep my nose covered. The men were less -horrified, and seemed on the contrary interested, some of them almost -amused. They were brutes, at heart, with no respect for anything!</p> - -<p>Lamalou made a vile remark, revived from Sylla:</p> - -<p>"It's Bosche. It smells good!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Xb" id="CHAPTER_Xb">CHAPTER X</a></p> - -<p class="center">A MOMENT'S RESPITE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> reached the river which I afterwards discovered was the Loison. -There was no difficulty there. Some foot-bridges had been erected, -which bent beneath our weight till they touched the water.</p> - -<p>On the other bank we were greeted by some Engineers.</p> - -<p>"We've been working the water-wheel for you foot-sloggers! Isn't that -worth a drink?"</p> - -<p>We replied:</p> - -<p>"In Berlin!"</p> - -<p>The torrent of shells still continued, but passed over our heads. Our -field-guns retorted, but only feebly, as we were well aware.</p> - -<p>We began to clamber up the other side of the valley. More corpses! On -our right we could see the smoking ruins of a village. But our morale -had much improved, for we had just crossed the water-bed where the -enemy's efforts had spent themselves in vain for three whole days.</p> - -<p>Pffmm...! Pffmm...! We looked up.</p> - -<p>"Pills?"</p> - -<p>Bullets. Yes! An unpleasant sensation.</p> - -<p>In the fields on a line with us, we caught sight of isolated soldiers -(rotters—the lost lot), lying down<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> or cowering on the ground, others -dragging themselves along on their knees, or limping along. Where the -deuce was the enemy? Perhaps at the edge of that wood about twelve -hundred yards away, but invisible, needless to say.</p> - -<p>A bank skirted a cross-road running along the side of the hill. We went -towards it. Cover! Everyone felt the need of a real halt. The wish was -fulfilled. We formed into sections.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin greeted me with:</p> - -<p>"Any of you hit? I was very much afraid so, for a minute!"</p> - -<p>"A man named Blanchet," I said; "a splinter in the stomach!"</p> - -<p>"Poor devil! Two kids, I believe!"</p> - -<p>"And what about your lot?"</p> - -<p>"Nobody. Not like the first. A shell made an awful mess of them."</p> - -<p>"Frémont?"</p> - -<p>"He wasn't touched, luckily."</p> - -<p>Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, joined us.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, you chaps, going strong?"</p> - -<p>We answered cordially:</p> - -<p>"Not so bad for a start."</p> - -<p>"We've done jolly well!" he said with naïve delight.</p> - -<p>The captain came up accompanied by two subalterns. Some of the men -began to get up.</p> - -<p>"Stay as you are. It's not worth getting you fired at!"</p> - -<p>"And what about you, sir!" Lamalou remarked.</p> - -<p>"Oh, I'm taboo!"</p> - -<p>The other gazed at him. The captain repeated:</p> - -<p>"They can't do me any harm to-day!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span></p> - -<p>He smiled, his moustache bristling slyly. Then, turning to one of his -companions:</p> - -<p>"Pleased with your N.C.O.'s, Henriot?"</p> - -<p>"Very much pleased, sir! Dreher and Guillaumin especially have done -remarkably well!..."</p> - -<p>"I was sure of it."</p> - -<p>They went off. Guillaumin whispered:</p> - -<p>"All over us, isn't he?"</p> - -<p>He was joking, but I felt that he was touched and proud, dear chap that -he was.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>This rest did us both harm and good. Good, because we recovered from -our exhaustion. We had a drink and a bite. Harm, because we softened -and no one wanted to go on again.</p> - -<p>An intermittent firing went on. Pffmm...! A bullet!... another!... and -another!... Judsi pretended to catch them.</p> - -<p>We heard that a man had just been killed in Ravelli's platoon, a bullet -through his head. Confound it! We bent down. It was oppressively hot.</p> - -<p>Then the artillery started off again. The order was passed along to lie -down and protect our heads with our packs. The cartridge-pouches caused -us agony. We stayed like that for nearly three-quarters of an hour. The -men grew restless, and would rather have done a bolt, even forwards. I -was the only one, I believe, to prefer the fatigue and less risk.</p> - -<p>Henriot came to warn us to be ready.</p> - -<p>We were. Some of the men readjusted their belts and straps.</p> - -<p>A company on our right, the 23rd, was starting. Bouguet, who was -watching it, exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Lawks. They're going down like ninepins!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin gave me a short lecture. All the theories they had taught -us at the "Peloton" were out of date, all the supposed lessons of -the Russo-Japanese war! The movements now must be carried out in -established formations, sections for preference. The advantage of it -was that the men felt they had support. Yes, but what a target they -offered for the machine-guns in ambush.</p> - -<p>Whom should I see appearing at my side but De Valpic, who crawled up.</p> - -<p>"I wanted to come and wish you good luck," he said simply.</p> - -<p>"Very nice of you!"</p> - -<p>Lifting up my water-bottle, I said:</p> - -<p>"Have a drink?"</p> - -<p>"No thanks, Frémont gave me some water."</p> - -<p>I was surprised. I had thought that that was the errand he had come -on. But I was mistaken. He went away again. It was a purely friendly -proceeding.</p> - -<p>The order to start was delayed. Even I began to get impatient. -Guillaumin, who had gone off, reappeared and confided in me that there -had been great excitement.</p> - -<p>The captain had just discovered Descroix tearing off his stripes.</p> - -<p>"What an idea!"</p> - -<p>"On the pretext that N.C.O.'s are marked particularly."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"It turned out badly. The captain called him ... a coward. He defended -himself and contended that there was no need for him to get himself -killed for nothing!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span></p> - -<p>"No one is ever killed for nothing!" the other answered. "And as to -your stripes, if you daren't wear them, I'll relieve you of them!"</p> - -<p>"The captain's a fool!" I said.</p> - -<p>"Do you think so?"</p> - -<p>"Certainly! It's probably true that the Bosches mark the N.C.O.'s."</p> - -<p>Goodness knows I held no brief for Descroix, but Guillaumin disgusted -me then with his little heroic sniffs.</p> - -<p>I had decided to use my pack as a shield. I told him.</p> - -<p>"Pooh! Do you think that's any good?"</p> - -<p>I implored him to follow my example. It was sufficient protection -against grape-shot. He ended by allowing himself to be convinced, and -gave the same advice to the men who for the most part did not follow it.</p> - -<p>Henriot, on his knees, was watching for the signal and giving us -endless pieces of advice in an under-tone.</p> - -<p>"You'll all start at once. Keep your eyes fixed on me, see? At the -double. Is that clear? And as for firing, be careful about that. Be -sure to wait for the order to fire!"</p> - -<p>"Talk away," muttered Lamalou; "think we're going to wait for your -bally permission when we get a sight of the Bosches?"</p> - -<p>The whistle was blown.</p> - -<p>"Advance!" shouted the subaltern.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIb" id="CHAPTER_XIb">CHAPTER XI</a></p> - -<p class="center">A MUCH STIFFER MATTER</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> had hardly taken fifteen steps when the whistle began in our ears -again! We threw ourselves down. But not quickly enough! Our left -hesitated ... and got mixed.</p> - -<p>"Scatter! Can't you? You ..." I shouted.</p> - -<p>A man spun round and fell.</p> - -<p>Henriot bellowed:</p> - -<p>"Can't you lie down?"</p> - -<p>But his voice hardly reached us.</p> - -<p>"Why doesn't he lie down himself?" said Judsi. "Wot's the sense in it?"</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"Pore Siméon. See wot a bloomin' pirouette 'e made. Didn't I say 'e was -too tall!"</p> - -<p>The firing slackened off, but we naturally saw nothing. A new rush—too -long that one! Pffmm.... Crack! We were enveloped in a noise like the -snapping of straps. A man fell not far from me, and the fellow next him -looked as if he were going to stop.</p> - -<p>"No, no! There isn't time," I shouted.</p> - -<p>"Run! Run!" shouted Henriot.</p> - -<p>It was easily said!</p> - -<p>We had just gone into a ploughed field, and the earth stuck to our -shoes.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Will you run?" repeated the subaltern in a feverish tone.</p> - -<p>I began to trot ponderously, steadying my water-bottle and my -haversack. Two or three of the men did the same, but at the end of -twenty yards we gave it up, out of breath....</p> - -<p>I turned round and saw one of my chaps fall. I ran up.</p> - -<p>"Well, Loriot, what's up now?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, the blighters!" he groaned. "Oh, the bloody bastards!"</p> - -<p>"What's the matter?"</p> - -<p>His hands were glued to his front. He shrieked.</p> - -<p>"Ow! my rupture!"</p> - -<p>It was put on. I was not going to be caught!</p> - -<p>"Get up!"</p> - -<p>"Not much!"</p> - -<p>I shook him.</p> - -<p>"Up you get, Loriot!"</p> - -<p>While he was going into contortions the others were gaining ground. -Infuriated I yelled in his ear:</p> - -<p>"You could be shot for this!"</p> - -<p>But I suddenly felt doubtful. Was he really shamming? Tears were oozing -out of his eyes.</p> - -<p>"It's because I ran," he groaned.</p> - -<p>The rest was lost.... He abruptly unbuckled his belt, and his braces. -I bent down; there was a lump as big as my fist.... He hiccoughed, and -vomited.</p> - -<p>Stupefied and sickened, I stammered:</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes.... Then.... St-tay where you are!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>All I had to do was to catch up with the rest. But now a new storm of -bullets began to whizz by—thicker<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span> than ever—buzzing like a swarm of -bees.... And, Pap! Pap! Parapap! Pap!... There surely must have been a -mitrailleuse in action.</p> - -<p>I was alone. I no longer had the support of friendly presences. I did -not take more than thirty yards. Good God! I suddenly collapsed. I -hurled myself on to the ground.</p> - -<p>My temples were throbbing. I could not get my breath. What did my life -hang on? A thread! Pfffff! Pffmm.... If one of these sinister flies -touched me ... there would be nothing left. The horror of such near -annihilation ... suffocated me. Nothing!... The black chasm.... I did -not want to....</p> - -<p>With my mouth open I convulsively breathed the air. I soaked myself in -the supreme sweetness of things ... the dazzling sun, the transparent -sky, the green fields spread in my sight, and the blue curtain of the -woods, encircling the clear horizon...!</p> - -<p>Pffmm! Less than two yards from my face a little dust arose, a clod -had been hit by a bullet. I buried my head in the furrow. I dreamt of -digging a hole, and burying myself in it, alive!</p> - -<p>My section was almost disappearing yonder, nearly two hundred yards -away.... I suddenly regained consciousness. What was I doing? I was a -coward then?</p> - -<p>A coward? The word hurt me! Stay here behind. Oh, if only I had a -wound! How I longed for one, no matter how bad a one as long as it was -not mortal!... Or a sprain. I twisted my ankle and—must I confess -it—pressed on it with all my strength.</p> - -<p>There was nothing to be done! The ligaments<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> held. As a matter of fact -I soon gave it up, realising that I must go on. It had got to be done!</p> - -<p>I was just about to overtake my section when there was a new unexpected -noise ... like a huge piece of calico being torn.... They were opening -fire farther down the line. But upon what? Nobody knew, but it was the -signal for everyone to let fly. Instantly there was a crackle from one -end of our line to the other.</p> - -<p>When I came up some of the men turned round to look at me.</p> - -<p>"Here's the sergeant!"</p> - -<p>"Didn't expect to see you again!"</p> - -<p>"Why not?"</p> - -<p>"Thought you must be dead!"</p> - -<p>"Oh, rot!"</p> - -<p>Did I redden. Bouguet whispered to me:</p> - -<p>"You must keep your eyes open. Some of 'em try to do a bunk on the -Q.T.!"</p> - -<p>I did not feel quite sure that he was not pulling my leg. Henriot -bellowed:</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes. Keep it up. Fire away!"</p> - -<p>No detail as to the sight, or target, or the length of range. A man was -missing! Guillaumin who crawled past, exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"You ought to have been there, you see!"</p> - -<p>Henriot now corrected himself:</p> - -<p>"Cease firing! Advance!"</p> - -<p>He got up and repeated the order. Nobody stirred. He lay down again and -looked at us as if asking for advice. I pretended not to notice it. The -men feverishly continued to bring their rifles to the shoulder, fire -them, and reload.</p> - -<p>I dropped on Moulard who was lying just behind<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> Trichet and barely -escaped hitting him at every shot he fired. Trichet drew back looking -dazed, without seeming to understand.</p> - -<p>The worthy Gaudéreaux who was beside him was firing precipitously.</p> - -<p>But at what? At what?</p> - -<p>In his agitation he got his lock jammed. I took hold of his rifle which -burnt my hand. It took me a long while to repair the damage and I -repeated:</p> - -<p>"Why, in thunder, are you so set on playing with your trigger?"</p> - -<p>Our losses were still slight. Only one man hit, in Guillaumin's -section. But on ahead I caught sight of a barbed-wire entanglement -surrounding a field. An unpleasant obstacle! And it was in our sector -all right!</p> - -<p>There was probably a ditch too. Henriot shouted:</p> - -<p>"Here goes for cover!"</p> - -<p>He started off courageously, and this time the men followed him. We -covered the intervening space in a single rush, a foolish mistake which -cost us two men. Judsi delighted his lads by imitating a horse's gallop.</p> - -<p>The bullets shrieked over our heads as we crouched in the ditch. We let -off a few desultory shots on the chance of hitting something. A minute -or two passed. The subaltern was worrying about how to cross this -entanglement!...</p> - -<p>"It's quite simple," said Guillaumin. "Who's got the wire-nippers?"</p> - -<p>"I have," said Corporal Bouguet.</p> - -<p>Henriot hesitated:</p> - -<p>"They'd better...."</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"Be made use of...."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Very good, sir."</p> - -<p>Bouguet calmly got up, and climbed out of the ditch. He knelt up and -set to work.</p> - -<p>"Good for you, Corporal!" shouted Bouillon.</p> - -<p>It was a thrilling moment. The bullets whizzed and whistled all round -him. He was a hero. He took his time about it, and it was a miracle -that he was not hit ten times over!</p> - -<p>"Will that do?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Excellently!"</p> - -<p>He passed through the gap he had made and went and lay down in the -field.</p> - -<p>How tempted I was to admire him, but I restrained the impulse. He -simply had no nerves, that was all. As for me my temperament forbade -such achievements....</p> - -<p>"Our turn now," said the lieutenant. "Follow me."</p> - -<p>He made a dash and slipped through. He was not touched either. A great -piece of luck. But then suddenly he lost his head and began to run -forward all alone through the hail of bullets, without looking round. -He went on for about fifty yards, then stopped, and disappeared into -the hole made by a shell, in all probability. Yes, he had to call to us -from there. His arm waved. We realised that he would never dare to come -back to fetch us!</p> - -<p>"Well, now we're in command of the platoon!" Guillaumin said to me. -"Let's each take charge of our men, what?"</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"We must get on!"</p> - -<p>"Who'll go first?" I asked.</p> - -<p>"I will, if you like."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p> - -<p>He raised his voice to give his orders:</p> - -<p>"When you get through, advance in skirmishing order by the right."</p> - -<p>He sent two men on ahead, and then joined them. The rest crowded -through. There were no hitches until it got to the last men, two of -whom fell, one killed outright, the other wounded.</p> - -<p>"I say, get them to fire a round!" shouted Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>I gave the order for a volley. It was distinctly thin, and besides -that, his men, having cleared the obstacle, stupidly inclined to the -left. We were firing straight into their backs. I had some difficulty -in getting my men to cease firing.</p> - -<p>Bouillon said to me:</p> - -<p>"The lucky chaps!"</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"To have gone through first!"</p> - -<p>They had left two dead men behind them, whose bodies half filled up the -gap.</p> - -<p>Our turn now.</p> - -<p>I felt strangely detached. I watched myself get up and heard myself -telling off the three men nearest to me:</p> - -<p>"Get on, you, and you, and you!"</p> - -<p>They went, much against their will.</p> - -<p>"Get a move on!"</p> - -<p>The first man lost his balance just as he got to the entanglement, and -fell back into the ditch. The others immediately flung themselves back -again.</p> - -<p>I turned to the next two:</p> - -<p>"You show them the way, Trichet and Bouillon!"</p> - -<p>Bouillon looked at me imploringly, and neither of them budged an inch.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span></p> - -<p>Pffmm! Pffmm! went the bullets above us!</p> - -<p>"Aren't you ever coming?" shouted Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"No. 2 section is just as good as No. 1 section, surely!" I exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Somebody muttered:</p> - -<p>"After you!"</p> - -<p>I implored Bouillon to try and get one or two through.</p> - -<p>He sighed, and called out:</p> - -<p>"Villain ... and Judsi, old chap, aren't you going to show them how?"</p> - -<p>"You don't mean it?" said Judsi.</p> - -<p>He came rolling along. Villain stood up with difficulty.</p> - -<p>"Aa-h!"</p> - -<p>His head burst like a hand-grenade.</p> - -<p>Judsi ducked, giving vent to Cambronne's historical exclamation. -Shaking like an aspen I wiped my sleeve on the grass.</p> - -<p>At that instant a shot rang out among our men. What clumsiness! Beside -myself, I shouted:</p> - -<p>"Donnadieu!"</p> - -<p>The corporal answered from his half-section. Was he there? Yes, I -caught sight of him and went up to him.</p> - -<p>"Donnadieu," I said excitedly, "I'm going on with some of the men. -You'll shove the others along, see?... Kick them if necessary."</p> - -<p>He looked down, and muttered something. I caught the word "wounded."</p> - -<p>"What wounded? You wounded?"</p> - -<p>This expression of misery and terror on his face ... his rifle lying on -the ground. With his right hand he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span> took hold of the other fist, and -raised it with difficulty to show me....</p> - -<p>Blood was dripping from his hand. The middle finger was in a horrid -mess and hung down limply, by a strand of skin; a fragment of bone was -sticking out.</p> - -<p>"Poor old chap ..." I began.</p> - -<p>But I suddenly had an intuition. The man's eyes avoided me.</p> - -<p>"It's a put-up job," I shouted down his ear; "you've done it yourself!"</p> - -<p>I shook him roughly by the shoulder. The wretched creature tottered, -and fell on his side, protecting his mutilated hand.</p> - -<p>"You hound!"</p> - -<p>I ground my teeth:</p> - -<p>"A good job if it kills you!"</p> - -<p>I believe that in my rage I went so far as to kick him.... One's own -weak moments are so easily forgotten.... I was choking with anger -and disgust, and the agony too of being unequal to my task.... I was -responsible; and we were hanging back behind all the others, making a -gap in the front of attack.</p> - -<p>Our comrades who had gone on began to abuse us.</p> - -<p>"A lot o' bloomin' funks!"</p> - -<p>"Going to stay behind are you?"</p> - -<p>I was forced to act. I felt my mind lashed by the burning blast of -decision.</p> - -<p>I began by rebuckling my pack behind my shoulders. Freedom for one's -arms was an obvious necessity.</p> - -<p>I stood up and said in a firm tone:</p> - -<p>"We've not done yet; we've got to get through!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span></p> - -<p>My cheeks were scorching. Everyone was looking at me. I think I gave -the impression of the most absolute coolness.</p> - -<p>"Come along! Come along! Bouillon...!"</p> - -<p>I reached the gap without hurrying myself. Pffmm! Pffmm! That terrible -buzzing.... I got through and shouted imperiously:</p> - -<p>"Hurry up! Hurry up there!"</p> - -<p>I was standing up. I had set them in motion. Bouillon, Lamalou, and -some others hurried along, bending down.... Someone shouted:</p> - -<p>"Lie down, Sergeant, lie down!"</p> - -<p>I lost all consciousness of what was passing. I was thinking of a -thousand other things—of my brother.... I calmly wondered if he had -been killed in this way. However, some instinct urged me to kneel down, -and then the realisation of the danger we were in seized me.... If only -I could have thrown myself down and lain still! But ten of my men were -still on the other side. I felt bound to wait until the last one had -come through. And they did not hurry themselves! How bitter I felt. All -my senses were waking up again. I was annoyed with myself for exposing -myself like this, but I could not prevent myself from doing so.</p> - -<p>I had got them all over at last! Guillaumin got his <i>poilus</i> together -for a new rush.</p> - -<p>"Advance!"</p> - -<p>Nobody dropped out; nobody, that is, except two poor lads who were -killed on the spot.</p> - -<p>"At the gallop!" cried Judsi, who was once more pretending to be a -horse.</p> - -<p>I signed to them to keep extended order. We ran along like that for -about one hundred yards, almost<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> without casualties, and then crowded -all together behind a narrow tank.</p> - -<p>There was heavy firing for a few minutes; a relaxation for the nerves! -Two hundred and fifty yards! At the edge of the wood! Fire! I had given -my orders quite at random.</p> - -<p>Bouillon assured me emphatically that he could make out the peaked -helmets. I, too, was firing madly, as an excuse for giving no more -directions.</p> - -<p>I suddenly saw Henriot beside me; he shouted:</p> - -<p>"Cease firing!"</p> - -<p>And leaning towards me, said:</p> - -<p>"Steady on; you must husband your ammunition! And the show's over for -to-day!"</p> - -<p>Over? It was only then that I noticed that the sun had just -disappeared, that the night was falling. The engrossing struggle had -robbed us of all idea of time.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIb" id="CHAPTER_XIIb">CHAPTER XII</a></p> - -<p class="center">WE COLLECT OURSELVES</p> - - -<p>"<span class="smcap">No</span>! Call yourselves <i>poilus</i>!" Bouillon exclaimed.</p> - -<p>We looked at each other, and at the strained faces smeared with sweat -and powder, the torn greatcoats, the knees and hands covered with -earth. But what a feeling of buoyancy! In me most of all! I dared not -predict the issue of the battle. Victory or defeat, that seemed of very -slight importance to me, I admit, compared with the fact that I was -still alive.</p> - -<p>The night was falling. Behind us was the river, indicated by the dark -waving of the willow-trees and in the distance the slopes of the -farther bank were all enveloped in a haze of wan violet tones.</p> - -<p>The captain was on his rounds.</p> - -<p>"Well, what did you think of it, Dreher?" he asked me.</p> - -<p>"Most interesting, sir!"</p> - -<p>He went away, after giving me a cordial glance from his piercing eyes.</p> - -<p>I sounded Henriot. Was there any hope of a distribution of...?</p> - -<p>"None at all! Ssh! Don't let's talk about that!"</p> - -<p>Certain measures were taken in view of a possible attack, and some -rough trenches made. I wondered that volunteers were found for -sentry-duty, and others<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> for a fatigue party, led by Guillaumin, in -search of water.</p> - -<p>The latter for that matter looked after everything. He had directed -the trench-digging and had made out the casualty returns, and then, -being quite indefatigable, he left us to go and get news of the other -platoons.</p> - -<p>Rolled up in my great-coat, I was wishing for nothing so much as a -doze, when he reappeared.</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"I say, I've just heard a heart-breaking bit of news!"</p> - -<p>"What? Who?"</p> - -<p>"Poor little Frémont!"</p> - -<p>I raised myself on my elbow:</p> - -<p>"Oh. Is he hit?"</p> - -<p>"Badly hit, apparently!"</p> - -<p>My heart contracted. What a nightmare! That child who had been with me -on the highroad yesterday, whom I had led on...! I saw him growing -pale at the sight of the stretchers ... was it a presentiment...? And -I had a vision of him on the bench in the garden the other day, folding -his darling in his arms.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin's thoughts had kept pace with mine.</p> - -<p>"His wife," he said. "How sad it is! And you know she was expecting ... -that they ... had hopes...."</p> - -<p>"Yes, I know."</p> - -<p>We were silent for a moment. Dull misery was brewing in me. Then -Guillaumin got up; he wanted to spend his night beside his men.</p> - -<p>"And I," I said, in a strangled voice, "you have no suspicions?"</p> - -<p>"You! What about it?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p> - -<p>"My brother...."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"Has been killed."</p> - -<p>"You're mad! How in the world could you know?"</p> - -<p>"I heard it this morning."</p> - -<p>He stammered:</p> - -<p>"You.... Your brother ... the subaltern?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>He seized my hand.</p> - -<p>"Michel.... Why ... didn't you tell me about it?"</p> - -<p>My Christian name! I had quite got out of the habit of hearing it. -I was touched, and pressed his warm hands. Tears rose to my eyes. I -experienced the sad and yet sweet consolation which the affection of -living people brings in the presence of death. He was a true friend. -I admired the delicacy which made him hold his peace; so many people -would have thought of nothing at that moment except of lavishing a flow -of unmeaning words on me. He silently shared in my mourning.</p> - -<p>At last he said simply:</p> - -<p>"I am thinking of my sister. If I were killed ... or if she were to -die!..."</p> - -<p>He lingered for a few minutes, sitting beside me in the grass. There -was a hallowed silence.... Friendship, the purest of manly sentiments, -revealed itself to me in force....</p> - -<p>I was the one to suggest he should go; he needed his sleep.</p> - -<p>We pressed hands again.</p> - -<p>"Mind you sleep, Michel."</p> - -<p>"Good-night, Claude...."</p> - -<p>He went away. I leaned my forehead on my arm,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> and tried to get to -sleep, but my face was burning. What strange tumultuous thoughts -besieged me.</p> - -<p>I caught myself repeating: "Victor, my poor Victor!" But this time -something was rent asunder. A veil fell. The artificial atmosphere -in which all my joys and sorrows had been deadened for so long was -dissipated.</p> - -<p>My man's heart began to bleed. I became conscious of my grief. Without -diminishing it I could now compare it, without blasphemy, with that -other, into which the death of my mother had formerly plunged me. A -double regret, identical, I felt in its essential point, for these two -beings were of my blood, my nearest relations, a little of myself. Part -of my life and future were buried with them. I understood now what an -irrecoverable part my brother had played in my life. I had loved him -when a child, and my childhood would never be renewed. Our gaze and -our minds had awakened to the same things. A thousand memories were -ours, ours alone. O Victor, I remembered the grace of your eighth, your -tenth year. Our wild games in the big house at Tours, and in the summer -holidays in the big garden at Emberménil. I admired you and adored you, -my strong elder brother, who never abused your strength, who used to -consent to being the "horse," out of your turn very often, so that I -might hold the reins. When you brought friends home you did not like -me, the youngest of the band, to be "ticked," and when I was "it" too -long, you let yourself be caught on purpose.</p> - -<p>I could remember my brother leaving for La Flêche as clearly as if it -had been yesterday. I was inconsolable. I was seven years old, and in -my unhappiness I refused to eat any pudding for a whole week!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span></p> - -<p>I was just beginning to write. With a great effort I managed to cover a -page for him every week. When he came back at Christmas, looking very -smart in his new uniform, how delighted, how overjoyed I had been.</p> - -<p>And then, little by little, we had drifted apart.</p> - -<p>My brother! I had not really known him! I never should know him. Oh, -the anguish of that thought. The fault had been on my side, for he in -his affection had made many advances. The hope of putting an end to the -misunderstanding between us never left him. Even quite lately certain -words of his showed his fondness for me. But I had always repulsed -him—he was shy, in spite of his handsome energetic appearance—by my -arrogance and coldness.</p> - -<p>Why had I decreed, ever since I was sixteen, that it was absurd for -men to kiss, and at our next meeting had put out my hand to stop his -customary greeting?</p> - -<p>How many times, it was more like a hundred than one, he must have been -grieved by my harshness and indifference before having resigned himself -to it. And had he ever resigned himself to it?</p> - -<p>Was it necessary that he should fall, to bring me to repentance. Alas! -If only he could have seen me now, me the egoist, pouring out bitter, -precious tears for him, the first for ten years.</p> - -<p>I seemed to have been born anew to the deeper human feelings. Access -to a sublime region was given back to me. My heart, which had been -shrivelled and hardened for so long, softened and expanded. In a -transport of generosity I tried to think who there was still left for -me to love on earth.</p> - -<p>The thought of my sister-in-law occurred to me first. I knew that, in -her great love for Victor, she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span> would have welcomed me as a brother -as eagerly as she had welcomed a father. It was I again who had -discouraged her advances. I reproached myself for it. I foresaw the -hope of atoning for it. This death would create certain duties for me. -Madeleine had lost her parents, she had no relations except a married -sister at Versailles. When once my father had gone, I should be the -head of the family, the children's natural guardian.</p> - -<p>I thought of the little things' future. I would look after Xavier's -education, and guide him towards a fine career. And I saw the little -girl grow up. We would let her marry where her heart led her.</p> - -<p>I thought of my father with reverence too. Our sorrow drew us nearer -to each other. I imagined him being abandoned by his strength, when -he heard the news. My courage and my pity would support him without -humiliating him. I even dreamt that his love, robbed of its object, -would end by being concentrated entirely upon me. Was it only a fancy? -I remembered his clasp, and his voice which changed when we bid each -other farewell.</p> - -<p>Thus my thoughts strayed to each of my dear ones. I paused at each -vision to enjoy it. But it seemed to me that behind them all another -was hiding, undecided whether to appear or not! Suddenly a light shone -forth ... a silhouette rose up, of a child, slim and fair, with a grave -sweet smile, and tender eyes. It was such a dazzling apparition that -I thought of adorning it and setting it up as a secret goddess in the -inmost depths of my being to preside over my regeneration.</p> - -<p>I tried to sweep aside the idol, to dispel the nimbus of illusions.... -What did an exchange of post-cards,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> as a continuation of our talks in -the holidays, signify?</p> - -<p>The phantom refused to fade away; it reigned, pure and enthralling, in -my consciousness. It was becoming an obsession. I decided to get up and -take a turn.</p> - -<p>The silent night enveloped everything, things and people, our line -and the enemy's. Most of the men were sleeping, tired out, but the -sentries, standing a few yards ahead, peered into the mysterious -darkness.</p> - -<p>In No. 2 platoon some of the men were still talking below their breath. -I recognised the voices of Judsi and Corporal Bouguet.</p> - -<p>"There ain't nothing wrong with the lieutenant, but 'e loses 'is 'ead!"</p> - -<p>"Tell you who's a bit of all right, and that's the sergeants!"</p> - -<p>"As for Dreher, 'e knocked me silly, that 'e did. 'E's a cove wot won't -stop at nothink, 'e is."</p> - -<p>I did not listen any longer, but passed by, smiling. I was touched, -and surprised at being so. And I thought, "Father, father, if only you -could hear them!..."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_VI" id="BOOK_VI"><i>BOOK VI</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 14th-25th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIIb" id="CHAPTER_XIIIb">CHAPTER XIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">A VICTORIOUS DAWN</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> cold woke me as usual. I was stiff with cramp from my left shoulder -down to my hip.... It would be a miracle if we did not all get our -deaths of rheumatism.</p> - -<p>An oppressive silence reigned. I put my hand out to feel the grass damp -with dew. I could make out the shadow of my comrades a few yards away.</p> - -<p>I rubbed myself and stretched my muscles. I was really remarkably -fit on the whole, and the excruciating contraction in my side soon -disappeared. I looked out. The Huns yonder must be dreading our -awakening. I tried to recall the magnanimous feelings with which I had -lulled myself to sleep a few hours ago, but I was too drowsy. Only one -vision consented to charm me, the face of a young girl.</p> - -<p>"At the wheel already, Dreher?"</p> - -<p>It was the subaltern. He told me he had not slept much.</p> - -<p>"There might have been a counter-attack! I had to keep on at my -rounds!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span></p> - -<p>When he was just on the point of going away, he said:</p> - -<p>"I say, Dreher, I hear, that is, Guillaumin told me, your brother...!"</p> - -<p>"Oh, so you know about it. It has been a great blow!"</p> - -<p>"We'll revenge him all right," he assured me.</p> - -<p>A lot of good that would do me, I thought.</p> - -<p>There was nothing to show where the east was. An indefinite brightness -however replaced the darkness by insensible degrees. The tops of the -willow-trees at the bottom of the valley were emerging from a woolly -haze.</p> - -<p>All our lot were up and about, now. The cooks found a way, without -consulting the lieutenant, of going to make the coffee a few hundred -yards to the rear.</p> - -<p>Judsi, who brought up the first bucketful, said to me:</p> - -<p>"Give us your mug, Sergeant!"</p> - -<p>"I go in with the '10th,'" I objected, but he assured me that it would -give them so much pleasure, we'd got on so well yesterday.</p> - -<p>I let him give me some, and tasted it.</p> - -<p>"Clinking, your coffee."</p> - -<p>"Here's to you!"</p> - -<p>Big Henry soon came up on behalf of the other half-section; and I had -to accept a second cupful, in order to prevent any jealousy. What -enchanted me was that I had won the esteem of these fellows—at small -cost, goodness knows!</p> - -<p>A little firing had been heard for the last few minutes, but only in -the distance, strange to say! Nothing serious so far!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p> - -<p>The quartermaster-sergeant passed, inquiring what ammunition we had -left! Nothing very great! We had played havoc with it.</p> - -<p>"No more need of bullets!" Guillaumin interrupted joyously. "We're -going to do some storming now!"</p> - -<p>I had not seen him since last night. Unbrushed, unshaven, his dirty -face shining. Was this, I thought, henceforward to be my friend, my -best friend? I would not allow myself to be ill-natured.</p> - -<p>He was wanted by Henriot, and crawled away. It was the only mode of -progression permitted. I was not sorry he had gone. I should have found -nothing to say to him. The prospect of a bayonet charge obviously -inflamed and excited him, just like that savage Lamalou who was -boasting that he would skewer, how many?—one, two, three—who would -have a bet on it?</p> - -<p>As for me, I admit that I dreaded those two hundred yards across -that no-man's-land (the last rush for how many of us!), and what -followed, still more the hand-to-hand fight with the bayonet, the -horrible butchery, the atrocious phase of the fighting for which no one -prepares, for no one would face it in cold blood.</p> - -<p>We had to wait for orders, for a long time, crouching behind the -earthworks with our rifles in our hands.</p> - -<p>It had got quite light.</p> - -<p>All at once, exclamations were heard.</p> - -<p>We looked round.</p> - -<p>A hussar was galloping across the fields behind us.</p> - -<p>"'E's arskin' ter be napoo'd!" Judsi exclaimed.</p> - -<p>What a target indeed! How could the enemy help having a shot!</p> - -<p>The horseman raced along the line, and disappeared. Not a single shot -had been fired by the Bosches. A<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span> few minutes of trying suspense -passed. Then a rumour ran along the line. Some of the men showed signs -of getting up.</p> - -<p>"Lie down!" Henriot commanded.</p> - -<p>But we saw Breton walking quickly towards us, without the customary -precautions. His face was beaming!</p> - -<p>When still thirty yards off, he shouted:</p> - -<p>"Nobody ahead of us now!"</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"They sloped off in the night!"</p> - -<p>The news flew from mouth to mouth. An ingenuous, delirious joy took -hold of our companions. A broadside of jokes burst forth.</p> - -<p>"The 'Allemans' funked us!"</p> - -<p>Judsi chuckled.</p> - -<p>"W'en the blighters saw the 1.3 being brought along ... they said to -themselves: 'Nothing to be done but to 'ook it.'"</p> - -<p>I breathed again. I marvelled at the fulfilment of my private wish. No -more danger for the moment. I should not be killed this morning!</p> - -<p>The hussar, who had brought the news, appeared again, and deliberately -urged his horse towards the woods, the zone which yesterday had been -inaccessible. There was a new outburst of delight, and the men began to -rag the sentries who had been on duty during the night:</p> - -<p>"Gaudéreaux, w'y couldn't 'ee tell us they'd done a bink. You was -snoozin', you old blighter, I dew believe."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Half an hour later, when arms had been piled, and the men dismissed to -rest, Guillaumin took me by the arm:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Let's go and see what's become of the others!"</p> - -<p>We met De Valpic on the way. He had not slept either, and was afraid he -had caught a cold....</p> - -<p>"You'll not be the only one, my dear chap!"</p> - -<p>A few steps farther on there was a little group, the Humel-Playoust -lot. We went up to them, delighted to find them safe and sound. I don't -know what put the idea into my head of tapping Descroix on the shoulder -and saying to him:</p> - -<p>"Good biz. The N.C.O.'s haven't come off so badly, what?"</p> - -<p>He turned round in a fury.</p> - -<p>"What do you mean?"</p> - -<p>I understood. He must have thought I was alluding to that stupid affair -of the stripes, which had gone quite out of my head. So I turned to -Humel:</p> - -<p>"Was it you who saw Frémont fall?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"Where was he hit?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, look here! One has all one can do to look after oneself!"</p> - -<p>The quartermaster-sergeant was making signs to us in the distance. We -went towards him. Guillaumin enlightened me on the way.</p> - -<p>"That Descroix business was a put-up job, you know. He doesn't like it -talked about."</p> - -<p>"All the worse if it was arranged beforehand!"</p> - -<p>Breton, who had joined us, took us to a clump of trees. When we got -there he said:</p> - -<p>"Look here!"</p> - -<p>A German officer was standing up leaning lightly against a shield. His -field-glasses were up to his eyes, and he seemed to be gazing through -the opening.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span></p> - -<p>Was he alive or dead? We hesitated but soon found out when we got -nearer.</p> - -<p>"Rather neat, what?" said Breton.</p> - -<p>While ferreting about near by, Guillaumin came across a shell-hole. He -exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"The work of the 75's. No wound, apparently. Simply the effect of the -concussion."</p> - -<p>Then with a knowing wink:</p> - -<p>"Pretty hot stuff these Turpin machines, what?"</p> - -<p>We looked for a few seconds at the big well-built man with regular -features, in the tightly fitting uniform trimmed with frogs. Some of -the men who had come up formed a circle round us. Lamalou, without any -hesitation, put his hand on the shoulder of the dead body....</p> - -<p>I shall never forget the horror of it! The legs remained firmly -fixed, but the upper half of the body fell apart, as if it had been a -mannequin made in two pieces.</p> - -<p>We bolted, but the <i>poilus</i> called to each other cheerily to come and -have a look.</p> - -<p>The halt continued; we extended the range of our walk as far as the -quarter occupied by the other battalion. We came across friends at -every other step, and greetings and hand clasps were more cordial than -usual:</p> - -<p>"No bad news, of your lot?"</p> - -<p>And the reply was awaited with the curious mixture of curiosity -and apprehension with which the list of victims is perused the day -following a catastrophe.</p> - -<p>We produced a painful effect each time. At the name of Frémont a look -of sincere commiseration appeared on all the faces. Everyone loved him -for his charm, and his good nature, this boy with the look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> of a girl -and the memory of his romance secretly touched all their hearts.</p> - -<p>The losses did not appear to be very serious; on the whole, our company -was among those to have suffered most.</p> - -<p>Someone announced that Denais, the big fellow in the 19th, had been -killed right at the beginning by a splinter of shrapnel.</p> - -<p>"Denais!"</p> - -<p>I was thunder-struck. We had been bed-neighbours for a week, once, in -the infirmary. We had seen a lot of him at F—— even during the last -few days. I could see his face contracting at the notes of the "Funeral -March." I heard him cry: "Oh, shut up! It's idiotic!..." And now he had -"gone west."</p> - -<p>What struck me most was that his disappearance did not seem to affect -any one. Not a single regret was expressed. At the "Peloton" he had -always, like myself, been one of those who knew how to get out of -things, difficult—again like me—to "catch out," like me polite and -sarcastic. General opinion classed us together as thorough egoists.</p> - -<p>"And how about your foot?" Guillaumin asked me. "How's it getting on?"</p> - -<p>It had not entered my head again!</p> - -<p>"All the better! Because now we shall have to fight chiefly on our -legs!"</p> - -<p>"Do you think so?"</p> - -<p>"We shall have to follow them up!"</p> - -<p>"Rot!"</p> - -<p>He looked at me.</p> - -<p>"By Jove, you don't look much as if you realised that we have just -gained a victory."</p> - -<p>I shrugged my shoulders, and he continued:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p> - -<p>"It must be rather a knock for the Bosches! A repetition of -Mulhouse...."</p> - -<p>I poured cold water on his enthusiasm. The enemy had retired of -themselves and had not been forced to by us; a manœuvre on their -part, perhaps. And we saw only such a small part, a very small part.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin grew heated and hurled himself into nebulous strategical -problems. I enjoyed urging him on. At last he almost lost his temper.</p> - -<p>"We'll go and ask the subaltern!"</p> - -<p>Henriot was coming towards us just having left an officers' -confabulation.</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"Ah!" he exclaimed, raising his cap, "our success is even more complete -than we had hoped!"</p> - -<p>"Hm!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin smacked me on the back.</p> - -<p>Descroix and Humel, and all that lot, joined us again.</p> - -<p>"I've got some details," Henriot announced breathlessly. "Here...."</p> - -<p>His recital only confirmed the version I had had from Dagomert. After -a partial repulse, after allowing the Germans to cross the Othain, and -the Loison, possibly for tactical reasons, we had suddenly taken the -offensive. The enemy had retired in disorder. One regiment had been -completely wiped out by fire.... Henriot quoted the regimental number:</p> - -<p>"The 23rd Württembergers!"</p> - -<p>We had taken some prisoners, and booty, and captured field-and -machine-guns, according to the reports.</p> - -<p>During the hullabaloo which followed, I asked:</p> - -<p>"So things are going alright?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span></p> - -<p>Humel sneered.</p> - -<p>"Oh, really, nothing pleases that chap!"</p> - -<p>I continued:</p> - -<p>"It's all very well, but who knows what's happening elsewhere?"</p> - -<p>"And what's happening in Timbuctoo?"</p> - -<p>"Round about Nancy? And in the North?"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin laughed:</p> - -<p>"Dreher will have it that we can't be equally lucky everywhere!"</p> - -<p>Henriot roared with laughter!</p> - -<p>"Oh rot, they're in the soup!"</p> - -<p>The group dispersed. Guillaumin went on talking to the lieutenant. I -stayed with them, without taking part in their conversation. I was -depressed again. Why? Good God, what did I want? I envied the delirious -delight betrayed by every look and word and deed in my companions. I -should have liked to vibrate in communion with those tens of thousands -of men, my brothers by race, who covered the surrounding country; and I -caught a glimpse behind them of the enormous mass, my nation, in whom -the news of our success would have let loose such a frenzy of joy.</p> - -<p>What did I lack to raise me to the desired pitch of excitement? I -appealed to other considerations of an equally exalting nature: the -renewal of our greatness, the virtue of our proud blood. We were -overthrowing the greatest enemy in the world, at the first encounter. -Revenge was a fine thing after all...! The pride of fulfilling this -hope of our fathers. It was thus that I succeeded in fanning myself -into a semblance of enthusiasm.</p> - -<p>My companions left me, eager to walk and talk, to enjoy to the full -this triumph which each of them felt<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span> was his own particular property. -Left alone I soon proved that the entirely artificial fervour to which -I had raised myself was subsiding by degrees. The springs of my mind -were stagnant.</p> - -<p>We were certain to start again, and starting again would mean -pushing forward, following them up—Guillaumin had been quite -right—re-entering Lorraine, with flags flying to be saluted as her -liberators. Heavens! Surely that was enough to make a soldier's -heart beat high. What would have been my father's and my brother's -exaltation! To think that I was not a whit moved by it. I stripped the -exploits to come of their prestige. What awaited us was simply new -fatigues and torturing privations.</p> - -<p>And I was terrified above all else, far above all else, by the spectre -of the future battles. Could one risk one's life twice with impunity! -I had escaped the first time by a miracle. Let me profit by it! I had -been wrested from repose and security. Had I not already drawn from -this campaign more than the benefit anticipated! I had my share of -memories which would last me all my life. I had ascertained that I, -even I, was capable of a kind of heroism. What a gain! And a boon that -was more precious still, I had regained consciousness of the ties which -bound me to a small number of human beings. I longed to be with them -again. I would bring them a man infinitely more worthy of them. I had -two cards in my pocket. A third had gone to a girl.... Would that one -ever reach its destination? Would it be answered ... soon?</p> - -<p>Lulled by these dreams, I discovered in them an excuse for the -drowsiness which enfolded me. What I experienced was only human. Why -a Roman rigour?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> If I did not burn to risk everything blindly in an -adventure of regeneration, if I let myself be touched by the idea of a -calm life spent among companions of my choice, if, in order that such a -desire might be fulfilled, I caught myself wishing for a cessation of -hostilities, an armistice, or an "honourable" peace of some kind, good -God, was it anything to be ashamed of? What right had all the great -sentiments in the world to suppress my humble wish to be happy?</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIVb" id="CHAPTER_XIVb">CHAPTER XIV</a></p> - -<p class="center">EN ROUTE AGAIN</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Some</span> time passed by. A distant fusillade crackled for a moment. The big -guns boomed for an hour, and then were silent. It was becoming doubtful -whether we should go on that day. Henriot got impatient. The men asked -for nothing better than to start again. When once the rations had been -issued and the cooks had dished up a hot meal, we could manage.</p> - -<p>There was some question of a party of us being told off to bury the -dead. I dreaded lest this fatigue should fall to us; I foresaw how -horrible it would be. We luckily escaped it. An unexpected order came -for the battalion to move on.</p> - -<p>I noticed that we were going northwards, in the direction of the enemy. -We were preceded by patrol parties, and reconnoitring cavalry covered -us.</p> - -<p>The march was not marked by any notable incident. I remembered that we -passed through a big village which had been occupied up till the night -before by the enemy. One would have liked to stop there, to question -the inhabitants whom we were delivering from this nightmare, and make -friends with them.... But where were they? There was nobody but old -women to be seen, and on their waxen faces I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> thought I made out a -strange resentful expression. Why resentful? Because their village had -been abandoned, and left if only for a few hours to the mercy of the -invaders, who had taken the healthy men with them when they left, and -had said: "We shall come back, but next time we shall not leave one -stone upon another."</p> - -<p>We got hot, marching. I was possessed by the thought of poor De Valpic -dying of thirst. I ended by going to find him, and offering to share -what was left in my water-bottle with him. He refused to accept it, and -I had to force it on him, but this scene which was repeated twice a day -bored me.</p> - -<p>Bouillon noticed my annoyance and realised the reason for it. He hailed -the cyclist, a man named Ducostal, and gave him to understand that my -water-bottle leaked.</p> - -<p>"Try to get hold of one for the sergeant! Enough poor lads have been -knocked out with them!"</p> - -<p>"Righto!" said the other. "I'm just taking a stroll across to the field -ambulance."</p> - -<p>Just on the chance I begged him to ask for news of Sergeant Frémont of -the 22nd, down there.</p> - -<p>He went off. I felt certain that he would forget both commissions.</p> - -<p>During the long halt in a field by the roadside, some troops came into -sight. We went to have a look, because it was a regiment of regulars, -which had been heavily engaged, we knew, during the last few days.</p> - -<p>We were at once struck by the gait of these men. They were advancing -very slowly and seemed to have to make an effort to raise their legs -at each step they took. They halted. When arms had been piled<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span> many of -them did not even take the time to undo their packs, but let themselves -fall where they stood. Several of them went to sleep instantly.</p> - -<p>They were worn out. Three days' fighting without a pause and three -nights.... The terrible nervous armed multitude, not a gesture, not -a cry of joy in honour of this victory which they had won. Not to -speak of the uniforms stained with mud and dust, and some in rags. The -terrible part was these dull, ravaged faces, with their scared and -dazed expressions.</p> - -<p>I went down their line in silence. What gaps there were in these ranks! -In one platoon there were only fifteen men left. A fair-haired corporal -on the ground was trying to get to sleep, but the flies persecuted him. -I chased them away.</p> - -<p>"Thanks," he said.</p> - -<p>I knelt down and asked him:</p> - -<p>"How have you got on?"</p> - -<p>He turned a dull eye on me, and answered in a broken voice, interrupted -by dismaying silences:</p> - -<p>"We're done.... Ever since the other morning—what day is it?... we -have done nothing but fire ... and be fired at. At night too.... They -kept us on the hop ... with their whizz-bangs and bombs.... Without -rot, there were times ... when we envied those who fell, because they -could at least pause for a while.... Look here, yesterday evening when -the rations arrived ... well ... no one had the strength ... to put the -stuff into their mouths. They had to send some dragoons ... up ... from -the rear ... to feed us ... we would rather have gone under."</p> - -<p>I left him. I understood now why the conquerors<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span> do not usually take -full advantage of their victory. And I thought that to-morrow it would -perhaps be our turn to go through it all.</p> - -<p>We had just started off again when Ducostal turned up. He handed me a -new water-bottle:</p> - -<p>"Here you are, Sergeant!"</p> - -<p>"Thanks. You're a ripper!"</p> - -<p>"Do you know, nobody knew your pal," he continued. "I was sent from -pillar to post. Then at last I had the luck to come across the bloke -who picked him up. He's not dead, but it'll be a near thing if he pulls -through. Got a ball through the lungs."</p> - -<p>"Oh, I hope to goodness he'll recover!" I said out loud.</p> - -<p>I had fumbled with my purse in my pocket, and slipped a piece of silver -into the man's hand. He looked at it, and then gave it back.</p> - -<p>"No, Sergeant, we're not out to make at this game. You stick to it."</p> - -<p>"And then," he added, "do you remember one morning when you were -sergeant of the guard you didn't report me missing?"</p> - -<p>The incident occurred to me. So he was the fellow who had turned up -one morning, after a day's leave, and implored me to mark him down as -having come back at midnight.</p> - -<p>"Oh, so you haven't forgotten that?"</p> - -<p>"Rather not. We don't forget the sahibs, any more than we forget the -wasters."</p> - -<p>I was decidedly in a fair way to becoming popular.</p> - -<p>At the next halt, I went to find De Valpic:</p> - -<p>"Look here, old chap, do you see what I've managed to get hold of for -you?"</p> - -<p>I held up the new water-bottle.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And what about you?"</p> - -<p>I tapped my own.</p> - -<p>"I've got mine, but it worried me to see you without one...."</p> - -<p>While I was helping him to adjust it, and to unbutton his -shoulder-straps, he tried to say something to me:</p> - -<p>"Dreher ..." he began twice.</p> - -<p>I interrupted him. I was unusually good-humoured, and gaily told him of -my experience with Judsi the day before. I added:</p> - -<p>"You have to know how to tackle these chaps."</p> - -<p>I asked him if he had seen that wretched regiment.</p> - -<p>In this way I managed to fill up the two minutes' halt.</p> - -<p>"<i>Au revoir</i>, old fellow!"</p> - -<p>When I left him I whistled, and felt tremendously cheery. I believe I -deluded myself into thinking that I had played the Good Samaritan.</p> - -<p>The day's march was lengthening. Henriot was anxious about the -direction we were taking.</p> - -<p>"Where are they taking us to?"</p> - -<p>We were bearing distinctly westwards. Guillaumin suddenly came up to me -and pointed out that our company had been detached from the rest and -was marching alone.</p> - -<p>Were they going to make us take outpost duty? There was no further -doubt about it when our platoon went on alone, leaving the rest of the -22nd as supports in a farm. The lieutenant had his instructions; he -sent out scouts and made us advance trailing arms.</p> - -<p>In about ten minutes when we had just entered the woods, he said:</p> - -<p>"Here we are!"</p> - -<p>An important crossroads. The site was well chosen.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVb" id="CHAPTER_XVb">CHAPTER XV</a></p> - -<p class="center">A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I pass</span> over the arrangements of our pickets. Each one of us knew his -duties, and acquitted himself conscientiously in his part. Henriot made -a thorough reconnaissance. When he came back he showed me a plan which -he had picked up.</p> - -<p>"By way of practice, do you see? Our maps only go as far as the Rhine!"</p> - -<p>At dusk, a lukewarm meal was brought to us from the supports.</p> - -<p>The gloom grew more intense. Our vigil was beginning.</p> - -<p>We established ourselves in a clearing about twenty yards from the -road. The stumps of some trees which had been cut down were utilised as -seats, a lot of us sat cross-legged, either on the ground, or on little -tufts of brushwood, which were a poor protection against the damp. No -fire, of course. By the flickering light of two dim section-lanterns -placed on the ground we could make out the carpet of trampled grasses, -and a big black circle, the remains of a log fire.</p> - -<p>What a night that was. During the first few hours Guillaumin and -Henriot never ceased chattering below their breath. I wondered that -their fatigue<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> had not more hold over them. I only half listened to -their conversation which still concerned our victorious march, and the -demoralised enemy flying before the sword. Speed, they declared, speed -must come before everything else. We must fall upon the Bosches in the -rear before they had time to recover themselves.</p> - -<p>The first excitement occurred towards ten o'clock, a shot in the -distance, on our left. Everyone leapt to his feet. Another, and still -another.... There was no doubt about it; the sentries' orders had been -so explicit; there was to be no firing except in case of danger or -surprise. No. 3 picket, next to us, had surely been attacked. Henriot, -much agitated, repeated the instructions: at a given signal, we were to -extend and fall back on the support....</p> - -<p>"It was not our business to put up a fight...."</p> - -<p>The surprising thing was that the firing was dying down. We remained on -the alert, and it was not ten minutes before new shots rang out, on our -right this time, at No. 1 picket.</p> - -<p>"They're crazy!"</p> - -<p>Henriot fumed.</p> - -<p>"The lunatics! Now our whole line of outposts will be marked!"</p> - -<p>He was proud that our lot had kept their heads. But it was somewhat -previous. A shot burst out in the wood, a hundred yards away, then a -second: three, four, six. We saw a man rush up stammering distractedly: -"Someone had come up, he had challenged them, they had not stopped, his -comrades had been carried off...."</p> - -<p>Not very encouraging! However, eight or ten volunteers offered to go -and see what the matter was. On the way whom should we meet but the -com<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span>rade in question, who was on the lookout and slightly uneasy, but -made great fun of his companion, who had apparently fired at some -shadows. Henriot was annoyed and inclined to be hard on him. Lamalou -went to him.</p> - -<p>"Blackguard 'im if yer like, sir, but don't 'ave 'im punished. It's -always the same story o' nights just at fust, you sees and 'ears -things!"</p> - -<p>He spoke from his experience in the African bush. Henriot calmed down, -and agreed that the sentinels were too far from the reserve picket; the -arrangement of them was altered.</p> - -<p>This continued all night ... shots, quite near at hand or some far -away, marking out the zone which was being patrolled. We soon got -accustomed to it. At the end of two hours no one worried about it any -longer, indeed not enough.</p> - -<p>An overpowering desire to sleep began to take possession of us. Over -and over again I almost gave way. My head nodded, my eyelids closed. -Then Guillaumin gave me a shake.</p> - -<p>"Halloa, there, don't leave us in the lurch!"</p> - -<p>Henriot rubbed it in!</p> - -<p>"Remember we are responsible for the security of the whole army."</p> - -<p>There was no gainsaying the fact that he behaved in the most -praiseworthy fashion, sparing himself no pains. He was always to be -seen on his feet, going to shake up the men who were reeling with -weariness. Towards midnight, the critical time, he suddenly proposed -that we should play games. I thought at first that he was joking. But -no, he had undertaken to keep us awake at all costs. He must treat -the children in his school in the same way.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> Childish occupation kept -us amused for a long while. The greatest success was the game of Old -Mother Perlimpin Pin which soon had to be stopped as the laughter was -becoming so uproarious.</p> - -<p>Towards two o'clock in the morning a thunder shower came on. We were -soon soaked to the skin.</p> - -<p>"In ordinary life," joked Guillaumin, "we should have kicked the bucket -after a night like this."</p> - -<p>I offered to go the rounds with the object of keeping myself awake.</p> - -<p>The first sentry challenged me at a good distance. It was Judsi. He was -calmly smoking a cigarette.</p> - -<p>"Smoking's not allowed, Judsi."</p> - -<p>"Pooh. It's a bit o' coompany. That won't stop a chap keepin' 'is eyes -skinned."</p> - -<p>But directly I had pointed out that the point of light might betray his -presence at a distance, he gave way:</p> - -<p>"That's true enough, that is."</p> - -<p>He instantly threw his cigarette away in the damp grass.</p> - -<p>I wanted to try an experiment on the next sentry-group and continued to -advance after the order to "Halt!" Very well! I saw my two fine fellows -both order arms again.</p> - -<p>"Well, what are you up to? This is a nice state of affairs." I -reproached them.</p> - -<p>"We recognised you, Sergeant!"</p> - -<p>"That doesn't matter, you ought to have made me halt."</p> - -<p>"But as we recognised you!"</p> - -<p>It was impossible to get them to alter their opinion. As for the last -two sentries, they simply "about-turned" on the spot; that is to say, -that at the first suspicious sound they fired on the picket.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span></p> - -<p>I saw how unhinged and overwrought they were, and had pity on them. I -ended by promising to say nothing about it to the subaltern.</p> - -<p>I found the latter on his knees. He had spread out his map, which was -beginning to get torn, and was saying to Guillaumin that we should do -no more than screen Metz; the chief thing was to push straight on to -Mayence, the key to the whole of the Rhine district.</p> - -<p>The rain stopped, and some time passed. Towards four o'clock Henriot -shyly suggested:</p> - -<p>"Would it bore you frightfully to go out with a patrol party?"</p> - -<p>"On the contrary!"</p> - -<p>The idea appealed to me. By gad, I was not sorry to be able to stretch -my legs. I chose four men. Bouillon who had just been on outpost duty -absolutely insisted on being one of them. He was not going to let me go -alone. He was certainly a good chap!</p> - -<p>We plunged into the darkness. Hardly had we gone a hundred yards before -it seemed as if we were a hundred miles away from the picket and its -protection. We were in the middle of the forest, the gloom was intense. -Silent raindrops dripped on to our shoulders and caps from the foliage -above our heads. My companions followed in my footsteps. I was not only -ahead of this patrol, but ahead of the whole army, a daring explorer -sent out towards the enemy, who was perhaps lying in ambush. I often -stood still and silently gazed into the darkness. I had told my men to -regulate their movements by mine, but we were almost invisible to each -other. Sometimes I distinguished ... that noise of muffled marching ... -didn't it come from in front? Or again when I heard some branch crack -in the under-<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span>wood, my heart thumped unevenly; I caught my breath; I -thought I made out forms, phantoms crouching, yonder ... ready to hurl -themselves.... How agonising it was!</p> - -<p>How much more courage I had need of than when under fire. I regretted -yesterday's danger in comparison. I opened my mouth to shout, "Everyone -for himself!" My trembling knees wanted to fly. But here, as on the -day before, what urged me on against my will was the presence of the -men who saw in me their leader. The consciousness of my rôle, of my -authority which must be kept up, seized me by the collar. I had to go -on, and I went on. I got safely past the place where I had feared the -ambush. For a moment I was delighted to have surmounted this terror, -delighted even to have experienced it. What a chapter it added to my -campaign impressions! What a joy it would be one day to recall these -deadly terrors, if only I escaped them.</p> - -<p>It was an interminable journey. The subaltern had told me to follow the -road up to the edge of the wood. Having arrived there I was to take a -certain road whence I should get excellent views over a large stretch -of country.</p> - -<p>We continued to advance. Our shoes squelched in the soft loam, and got -covered with lumps of mud. We were splashed at each puddle. Our feet -were soaked, our hands, pinched with cold, clutched convulsively at our -rifles.</p> - -<p>It was nearly forty minutes since we had left the clearing. From time -to time a shot on our left reassured us; a sentry group was on the -lookout there. I was still watching for the road which ought to turn -off on our right. The forest just lately had given place<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> to a bushy -thicket. The sky was already paling, and in the clear transparency I -saw the beginning of a bridle-path. What a relief! All we had to do now -was to skirt the hostile zone, instead of continuing to penetrate into -it, more terrified at each step.</p> - -<p>The path climbed the side of the hill. We occasionally caught a glimpse -of a misty expanse. Farther on, the view opened out, and we lay down -flat on our faces, our elbows resting on the dewy grass of a hillock.</p> - -<p>The sky tone was neutral. The chief features in the landscape were lent -precision by the coming dawn. At our feet pearl-grey meadows sloped -gently down to a highway bordered with trees, which might be followed -northwards for miles, running in a straight line between two rounded -hills. On the left there was a bizarre eminence, abrupt and bald; on -the right two steeples, one of which rose at a short distance away -behind a stretch of colourless heath. A mist hung about, dimming the -surfaces and blurring the outlines. Another gloomy day in the making.</p> - -<p>"See anything, Bouillon?"</p> - -<p>"Never a Bosche!" he declared.</p> - -<p>Our glance probed each particle of ground. There was nothing -suspicious, in the plain, or on the roads, which looked like huge -ribbons. The enemy appeared to have melted away. Our field of view -increased, the shadows were dispersing, and the horizon seemed to -recoil. Still nothing to be seen.</p> - -<p>"They must 'ave 'ad a scare."</p> - -<p>Our mission was apparently at an end. It was up to the aeroplanes to -take observations of the enemy's new positions. One of the war-birds -happened to be flying over yonder at that moment, but we were -un<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span>deceived when it approached, and we recognised a Taube.</p> - -<p>"Let's be getting back!"</p> - -<p>"Say, Sergeant, the country's not so dusty!"</p> - -<p>Touched and curious, did we foresee the miracle with which daybreak was -to endow us?</p> - -<p>Here was the luminous veil of the aërial vault above us being rent and -scattered. Shreds of the more transparent vapours still floated in the -air, but the depths had ceased to look so uniformly dust-coloured. -It was not long before cracks and then fissures and then chasms were -hollowed in the clouds, and the liquid blue shone out between them -bathed in a diaphanous radiance. The true sky smiled at last. The -fleecy clouds dispersed and vanished, a few of them lingered in the -form of scarfs, so attenuated that they looked like modest nebulas. The -scintillation of the stars pierced through them. They would only shine -for a moment and then pale in the growing daylight, but it was enough -that they had reminded the mortals, saddened by the opaque and misty -night, of their existence.</p> - -<p>The whole of spring glowed resplendent in this summer dawn. Newly -awakened chaffinches chirruped and chased each other at the edge of -the wood. The luscious green countryside, a sight to gladden the eyes, -exhaled the fragrance of recent harvest mingled with the resinous -perfume of the firs and larches sown among the beeches round about us. -Now the entire firmament was clear and serene, suggested in fluctuating -colouring which changed by harmonious gradations from a mauve -verging on violet, in which the western sky was bathed, to the pale -phosphorescence, which, on the opposite horizon heralded<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> the approach -of Apollo. On that side the mists accumulated in the recesses of the -valleys, evaporated more quickly, and rose up impalpable, the incense -of the earth. Unsuspected ridges appeared. Through an opening between -the two crests my wandering gaze could glide towards a blue distance, -infinite as the ocean.</p> - -<p>A plain, a different region, seemed to open out down there. It occurred -to me that the Woevre might lie in that direction. Yes, we must have -reached the confines of the valley of the Meuse. Yonder my brother -had fallen. I made a vague attempt to recall my sorrow and rancour, -to connect my present mission with that of the army and my nation. -My consciousness repelled these fierce imaginings. Taking a deep -breath I inhaled the woodland scents. I chewed a stalk of grass, and -dangled a corn-flower picked on the other side of the slope. I naïvely -congratulated myself on being present, in the womb of nature, at the -birth of each dawn, with which I, as a civilised being, had rejoiced my -eyes too seldom.</p> - -<p>The sun rose. A ray of gold touched us, appearing from the bottom of -the disk. The outline of the orb was barely discernible, hidden by the -triangular shadow of some peak or other, reared at an immense distance, -which stood out in relief against the luminous segment. The planet as -it rose hesitated for some time before adopting a shape. It stretched -itself out, and capriciously widened then lengthened itself, a dark red -mass upon which it was still possible for the naked eye to gaze.</p> - -<p>I wondered vaguely where I had lately delighted in a similar vision?</p> - -<p>The ball grew more condensed and, ceasing its<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> frolics on the orange -line of the horizon, rose rapidly, armed with a blinding brilliance. -Then—sparkling reminder—a sickle-shaped streak began to glitter on -the ground below: some pond.... A flight of memories was instantly -loosed, and soared in me, and then subsided, eddying. My heart leapt -at the vivid recollection. It was the Suchet morning; we had seen the -sun rise from the snowy Alps, equally distended and tortuous, until the -instant, when full blown, it had reflected its disk in the waters of -Neufchâtel....</p> - -<p>Good God! How short a time ago it was. It was only three weeks since -we had dallied happy in our youth. My memory caressed each detail -of that excursion, the first glimpse we had had of the abyss in -whose depths there had shone, like ships' lights, the lights of the -Canton-de-Vaud—and our wait for the miracle's accomplishment in the -icy atmosphere of the mountain top. In order to warm ourselves we had -laughingly thrown pebbles down the slope in an endless avalanche....</p> - -<p>As I lingered dreamily over this resurrection the pictures faded away -of themselves. One alone persisted, infinitely sweet. I mentally -breathed the name. Seated on a rock which jutted out on a level with -the ground, breathing in deep breaths of the scented air of the -hilltops, turned towards the rising sun, it was yours, Jeannine, my -friend....</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIb" id="CHAPTER_XVIb">CHAPTER XVI</a></p> - -<p class="center">GOOD COMRADES</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> expected to be picked up by the battalion that same morning, to -continue the march. Nothing came of it. We were simply relieved about -two o'clock by the 2nd platoon.</p> - -<p>Annoyance on the part of Henriot. He questioned Lieutenant Delafosse -who succeeded him. The latter knew nothing about it, nothing at all! He -was yawning. He noted the sentry's orders with a bored expression.</p> - -<p>We rejoined the rest of the company at the farm where they remained in -support of the outposts. For the first time in four days I was able to -indulge in a wash and a change of linen. The joy of it. Bouillon rolled -my things up into a parcel and carried them off. He was left busy all -the afternoon washing, cleaning, and brushing them, while I slept on -the straw.</p> - -<p>When I woke Guillaumin announced:</p> - -<p>"I say, we're going a bust this evening!"</p> - -<p>He and Breton had been to "get round" the farmer's wife, who for a -comparatively moderate sum had consented to hand over a couple of fine -rabbits.</p> - -<p>"How many of us will there be for them?"</p> - -<p>"Eight.... No; nine, with the sergeant-major."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span></p> - -<p>Oh "that lot" was going to join us? Yes, Guillaumin, who bore no -grudge, had invited them. He explained that we would go shares; it -would come cheaper like that!</p> - -<p>"Haven't I done right?"</p> - -<p>I gave my approval. I liked to think it might be the beginning of a -renewal of cordiality.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had introduced Gaufrèteaux to the farmeress, who having -quickly known him for what he was, a real virtuoso of the frying-pan -and casserole, had given him a free hand. She had no reason to repent -it, as she was invited to join us and share the feast. Rabbit <i>à la -Bordelaise</i>, a <i>croûte aux champignons</i>, and ham <i>à la Provençale</i> -reminded her of the cheer at her sister's wedding.</p> - -<p>Playoust had persuaded her to bring out some wine. It was pronounced -excellent. Much flattered, she announced her intention of giving it to -us free of charge. We cheered her. We touched glasses again and again, -and drank to the health of her boy, who had left on the third day of -mobilisation to join her father, one of the heroes of the year '70, in -the Zouaves. I am not sure that we did not drink to the health of her -deceased husband.</p> - -<p>The wag of the evening was Playoust. There was no denying that the -fellow was really funny when he liked. He hummed and sang and imitated -the calls of animals. And between times he got Hourcade to take some -powdered chalk thinking it was castor sugar, and an egg, taken from a -setting hen, in an egg cup (the chicken was in it!).</p> - -<p>I forget how it was that he came to jeer, in pretty strong terms -too, at Henriot. Humel immediately backed him up; the battalion -sergeant-major, who had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span> drunk rather more than was wise, let him have -his say, and winked, and even went as far as to put in a word himself. -The poor lieutenant was laughed at for his strategical pretensions, in -a really unkind manner. I was surprised. I should have thought that -he would have found grace at the hands of these fellows for whom he -was always doing good turns. Oh, ah! Grace! Playoust went off on a new -tack, and talked of his behaviour under fire. It was grotesque. Beat -everything! He had let his platoon go hang, had chucked himself into a -hole, and left the others to get along as best they could.</p> - -<p>He raised howls of laughter, and by Jove, I joined in. There was some -truth in what he said after all. Guillaumin alone protested vigorously -and courageously but unfortunately he embarked upon a verbose -vindication which tended to prove that true courage consists precisely -in being afraid....</p> - -<p>"Listen to the staff-officer!"</p> - -<p>He was hooted and pelted with bread pellets, and finally reduced to -silence. Dessert time. The bottles went on circulating. The wine had -gone to my head. I hazarded a few facile pleasantries, which were -greeted with roars of laughter, which spurred my malice on to further -efforts. I set myself to rival Playoust's buffoonery. He gained a -momentary advantage by imitating the various phases of a pig fight. We -had to go to the help of the farmeress who was choking with laughter. -Then I played the ventriloquist, one of my parlour tricks. I gave a -three-part scene. Our hostess again grew hysterical, and a dish was -broken.</p> - -<p>I felt occasional twinges of remorse in the midst of all this folly. -All this gaiety the day after a cruel<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> loss!... But what did it -matter? Had I not mourned my brother as he would have liked to be -mourned? This death already seemed such an old story.... And lastly I -privately thought that I had acquired a sort of right to give proof -of a versatile disposition ... violent and fleeting feelings, tears -yesterday, and joy to-day. Was it not the prerogative of soldiers and -children?</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We spent several days at this farm. Every evening when we went to -sleep, we expected to have to turn out and start off in the middle of -the night. Henriot was eaten up with impatience, and repeated:</p> - -<p>"It's madness not to profit by our advantage! We ought to be near -Trèves by now!"</p> - -<p>He calmed down at last. The captain had laughed at him, and reminded -him of endless circumstances in military history, where prudence had -dictated an identical line of conduct, which was to recover oneself -before entering upon a new enterprise.</p> - -<p>Besides that there was a complete lack of any news: not a word of -the development of the action in Alsace-Lorraine. We only had the -impression of a general movement of our armies towards the Belgian -frontier. A big blow would be struck in the North! From time to time I -amused myself by goading Guillaumin. How were we getting on over there, -I wondered.</p> - -<p>He no longer took me seriously, or else retorted:</p> - -<p>"My dear chap, we only have to hold out for three weeks. The Russians -will be coming along now!"</p> - -<p>Again one might have thought we were at manœuvres. The spirit of -the men was extraordinary. The fight the other day, the wounded and -dead—all<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span> that was forgotten, or rather it was taken as a basis for -fearing nothing from the future. They took a delight in repeating that -the worst was over. Artillery, machine-guns, and rifles had all talked -at the same time. The Bosches could not invent anything worse.</p> - -<p>I have said that I was on good terms now with the <i>poilus</i> in my -section, but I was not intimate with them yet. I made a few tentative -advances. I asked one or two of them about their family, or their home -life. They answered me politely, but did not expand. I had the feeling -that I embarrassed, almost disquieted, them; so I soon stopped. There -was no need to bother myself.</p> - -<p>The most complete idleness reigned. The battalion sergeant-major -no longer multiplied parades. He, Ravelli, had changed in the most -extraordinary way since he had been under fire. He took no interest -in anything and left his men to themselves. He may have heard—it was -Breton who insinuated it—French bullets whistling past his ears!</p> - -<p>The Lamalou-Judsi lot organised fishing parties at a pond close to the -farm. No notice was taken for the first two days; on the third day -they brought back a cartload of fish, having been inspired with the -brilliant idea of stretching a net from one side to the other. They had -cleared everything. The farmeress protested that the pond belonged to -her. The captain lost his temper and threatened the beggars with Court -Martial. They did not haul down their colours. Things were getting -serious. Lamalou clenched his fist.</p> - -<p>"I've been through the Court Martial once before now, I 'ave. I'll tell -'em it's a bit rough on a chap wot's going to get knocked on the 'ead."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p> - -<p>I privately agreed with him. Playoust secretly encouraged him, just to -see what would happen. As for Guillaumin, he took the defaulters apart, -and reasoned with them. I don't know what he preached or promised, but -the fact was that he appeased them. He went off to see the captain and -disarmed him too. The matter went no further.</p> - -<p>But that evening at mess he gave Playoust a bit of his mind. The -latter, surrounded by his faithful satellites, answered back and had -the last word.</p> - -<p>I had kept out of it. It was my turn next morning. I found the whole -lot collected round the well, disputing violently.</p> - -<p>"What's up?" I asked.</p> - -<p>Descroix shouted:</p> - -<p>"Did you ever hear such a thing! This'll be the third day that the -company has taken outpost duty."</p> - -<p>No. 1 platoon had just been told that it was their turn to supply No. 2 -picket. They had been congratulating themselves upon getting out of it. -Hence their rage!</p> - -<p>"Always the same lot to fork out."</p> - -<p>Playoust headed them:</p> - -<p>"It's disgustin' that's wot it is. There's the bally 21st there doin' -nothing. Wy can't they send them?"</p> - -<p>I ventured to remark:</p> - -<p>"You've not been overdone so far."</p> - -<p>I laughed.</p> - -<p>"Outpost duty has its interesting moments."</p> - -<p>They fell upon me, and in such a tone!</p> - -<p>"Oh, Dreher ... on other people's worries...!"</p> - -<p>I retorted. There was a sudden torrent of bitter words, of almost -injurious reproaches. Yes, yes, they had seen me at it! Then they -brought up their<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span> eternal grievances at F——. Descroix accused me of -toadying to the lieutenant.</p> - -<p>Oh! I turned on my heel. I was stupefied, sickened at this persistent -animosity after our brotherly agape, the other day. What paltry minds -they had!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIb" id="CHAPTER_XVIIb">CHAPTER XVII</a></p> - -<p class="center">DE VALPIC</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I had</span> not seen much of De Valpic during the last few days. Our platoons -had relieved each other, and his presence always weighed on me a little -like a vague remorse.</p> - -<p>That afternoon I found him lying, with closed eyes, in the shed I had -gone into, meaning to take a nap. He raised his eyelids:</p> - -<p>"Halloa!"</p> - -<p>I had to go up to him, and asked him:</p> - -<p>"Not so bad the other night, was it?"</p> - -<p>"For me it was."</p> - -<p>I joked.</p> - -<p>"For you particularly?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, I've got a cold already."</p> - -<p>He coughed.</p> - -<p>"Pooh!" I said rather abruptly. "As long as you've nothing worse than -that the matter with you."</p> - -<p>I suddenly thought of him as a soft flabby creature, this tall fellow -brought up by women. I think he guessed my thoughts.</p> - -<p>"If only I had not got such a high temperature!" he said.</p> - -<p>I shrugged my shoulders.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p> - -<p>"High temperature! Who said you'd got a high temperature?"</p> - -<p>I stretched myself on the straw, without much desire to continue -conversation. He seemed to be searching in his pocket. I saw a sort of -metallic tube between his fingers, which he unscrewed; then holding the -thing out to me, said:</p> - -<p>"Here you are, just look at this will you?"</p> - -<p>He explained:</p> - -<p>"It's a mouth thermometer. I always carry it on me."</p> - -<p>"What an idea!"</p> - -<p>I did not know that the instrument existed in this form. The graduated -glass tube only measured a few centimetres. I mechanically turned it -round and round until I saw the little column of mercury shining.</p> - -<p>"102.2°!" I exclaimed. "Is that your temperature?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"You ought to take some ... quinine."</p> - -<p>He shook his head.</p> - -<p>"You see ... it's the same nearly every day."</p> - -<p>I did not understand.</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"I'm ill," he murmured. "It's rotten, oh heavens, how rotten it is!"</p> - -<p>I looked at him interrogatively. Turned towards me he unburdened -himself of his secret, in a broken voice. It was months, years now -since he had been well. Last spring his mother—"Maman" he said (the -word moved me and made me dream of mine)—his mother had implored him -to consult a doctor.... He had resisted a long time afraid to hear -that he was ill.... How alarming it had been when the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> doctor, after -sounding him, had knitted his eyebrows and told him he must be careful. -It was not so very long since his father, a few months after a warning -of this kind, had been taken from them.</p> - -<p>While he talked I seized the opportunity of watching him unobserved. -Now that my eyes were opened I immediately became aware of the -well-known signs: this narrow, hollow chest, the sallow complexion, the -pink patches on the cheek-bones, down to the tapering fingers.</p> - -<p>"I realised that I could not take any risks and I wanted to live.... I -wanted to. Two days later Mother and I took the train to Switzerland. -Do you know Château d'Oex?"</p> - -<p>I made a sign of assent.</p> - -<p>"I stayed there for four months, April to July, resting on a long chair -in the sun."</p> - -<p>"Did you get better?"</p> - -<p>"Much better, yes. No perspiring at night. I put on weight, and at the -same time my temperature, oh! the thermometer, you know, is the surest -sign of all! I had seen my father, getting so terribly feverish every -afternoon! As for me, when I saw that it already rose quite easily to -101.1°, 101.3° I had not the slightest doubt about it. Well, I repeat, -everything was improving. They told me that if I continued to take -great care all the winter...."</p> - -<p>He paused for a few seconds:</p> - -<p>"But on the 2nd of August, you see ... I had to leave."</p> - -<p>"What did your mother say to it?"</p> - -<p>He avoided that subject, but from a chance word he let slip I guessed -the anguish and the resistance of his people—the sustained struggle.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You ought to have got discharged!"</p> - -<p>"How could I at such a moment! And then...."</p> - -<p>His voice was muffled:</p> - -<p>"Our family have always fought well!"</p> - -<p>I silently evoked the De Valpics whose names shine in our annals: the -Lord High Constable, the Admiral....</p> - -<p>"I hoped it would turn out all right. At F—— I managed fairly well; I -kept watch, you see, with my little thermometer!"</p> - -<p>"And now?"</p> - -<p>"Ah, now! I've caught cold again. I was told: 'Whatever you do, don't -get cold.'"</p> - -<p>He coughed, and said very softly:</p> - -<p>"This morning I spat some blood."</p> - -<p>With a touching gesture he sought my hand and squeezed it.</p> - -<p>"Dreher, I tell you all that because you've been good to me. Yes, yes, -I shall never forget it. The other day you didn't let me thank you. -Dreher, will you believe that ... I'm your friend?"</p> - -<p>Not wishing to show how much touched I was, I continued in a decided -tone:</p> - -<p>"In the state you are in, old fellow, you have no alternative but to -get discharged."</p> - -<p>He shook his head. I insisted. I pleaded the cause of reason. He had -been courageous, more than courageous, heroic. That was enough. He -would only aggravate the harm, by going on! And what use could he be? -I pretended to be convinced—the idea was not at all a startling one -at that time—that the war was drawing to a close. A few weeks more, -one or two more successes, and there would be nothing astonishing in -talking about peace.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span></p> - -<p>I displayed real warmth. I felt a growing sympathy and admiration -for him, and his superb moral energy. And he was no superhuman hero. -How near to us that sign of weakness brought him—that thermometer -consulted each hour on the progress of his illness!</p> - -<p>My pleading seemed to have shaken his resolution, but his eyes were -lowered.</p> - -<p>"Dreher, tell me candidly. You're a good soldier—what would you do in -my place?"</p> - -<p>I a good soldier! The irony of it! Was I fated to wear this halo? I -who, I swear, would not have hesitated to make use of the slightest -pretext for adjournment! I had to assure De Valpic that I might have -acted like he had.... Yes, at the beginning I should have left in a -burst of generosity. But, at this point I should realise the folly of -persisting in it.</p> - -<p>He was silent, and looked serious, his gaze fixed on the ground, his -fingers twisting some pieces of straw.</p> - -<p>"You must think that I set great store by my skin," he said.</p> - -<p>He dreaded, with the susceptibility of a proud heart, of having gone -down in my estimation.</p> - -<p>"Oh, rot!" I said. "Who doesn't? And I bet it's chiefly on your -people's account, your mother's...."</p> - -<p>"Poor mother! She had already bought the thank-offering which we were -to take to St. Peter's at Rome next spring."</p> - -<p>Oh! so they were devout believers. An old Roman Catholic family of -course! It was not surprising.</p> - -<p>"And then ..." he continued.</p> - -<p>He reddened.</p> - -<p>"I was engaged to be married, when I fell ill ... and she would not let -me set her free, she was waiting for me...."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span></p> - -<p>That was all he said. Why did this last confidence stir me more than -all the rest? Why did I get up and put an end to the conversation?</p> - -<p>"Well, my dear chap, that's only an added reason for getting fit again. -It would be stupid to make a mess of your whole future. Look here, I -shall be on duty to-morrow. I'll put you on the sick report, and you -can be off back to your home, with the esteem of every one of us, and -... my friendship."</p> - -<p>I went out, and wandered about round the farm for a long time. I was -moved by a profound pity. I could not shake off the thought of this -poor unfortunate. To have nothing left to learn about his illness, at -his age, which was my age, to go in terror of death, to feel oneself -being drawn towards it!... Then I was moved to pity for myself, for us -all. Were we not all under the shadow of death, faced with tragic ends? -Alas! When life was sweet and smiled on us with her store of fresh -beauties....</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIIb" id="CHAPTER_XVIIIb">CHAPTER XVIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">DARK HOURS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I had</span> persuaded De Valpic to report sick. Then destiny stepped in. We -started again that same night on the stroke of two o'clock. And when -I went up to him during the first halt he begged me to strike his -name off the list. He felt much better. He so much wanted to see the -continuation, to be in at the big victory.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin, who appeared just then, asked if we were far from the -frontier.</p> - -<p>De Valpic enlightened him. Rather not! And judging by the direction we -were taking we should soon be in that part of Lorraine which had been -annexed.</p> - -<p>Good! It would have been maddening to go a long way round.</p> - -<p>We reached Étain, where we had a warm welcome, as the Bosches had not -returned in spite of their boasting. We only went straight through the -town.</p> - -<p>It was a long stage, but we did not get over-tired in this mild -weather. Milestone succeeded milestone. Metz: 43 km. 41, 40, 38.... -Guillaumin was exultant:</p> - -<p>"A mere constitutional, what?"</p> - -<p>And Judsi:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span></p> - -<p>"We'll be sleepin' in their bloomin' country, to-morrow."</p> - -<p>Some of the men may have believed it. I thought it only right to -moderate the enthusiasm.</p> - -<p>"Oh Metz! We haven't got there yet. The siege is sure to be ghastly!"</p> - -<p>The lieutenant who was passing, chaffed me:</p> - -<p>"Dreher, as pessimistic as usual? He'll never believe we're getting on, -until he's in Berlin."</p> - -<p>We went into quarters at Buxy. Shortly after midnight there was an -alarm. The artillery which we had not heard for some days was talking -again. As old stagers we had missed the noise, it cheered us up.</p> - -<p>But we grumbled when, having been called up and paraded in the Church -Square, we were kept hanging about and freezing for an hour or more. -The men "groused," and wanted to know why they couldn't be left to -sleep in peace.</p> - -<p>A lot of them wanted to "get down to it" again, and we had hard work -to prevent them. A certain number sloped off in the dark. Each platoon -lost a few who never turned up again.</p> - -<p>Suddenly there was an uproar and crush at the other end of the Square. -We had to spread ourselves to keep order. Playoust went to see what was -up, leaving his half-section to take care of itself, with the natural -consequence that it disbanded. He came back, raising his hands, with -awful tales of the whole populace fleeing before the invaders! There -was nothing to be done! This time the Bosches were coming in dense -masses, ravaging and setting fire to everything!</p> - -<p>A group was formed round him. The men listened<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span> anxiously. He pulled -a face. Was he rotting, or speaking the truth? We never thought of -interrupting. However someone did take it upon himself. It was De -Valpic, whom no one had counted on.</p> - -<p>"That'll do, Playoust! No tomfoolery!"</p> - -<p>The other was quite taken aback. Guillaumin and I saw the danger, and -went to the rescue, turning his tales to ridicule. He tried to back -out of it. The men were reassured, and began to laugh, and our own -confidence was strengthened by it too.</p> - -<p>Yes, but what were we waiting for here? For orders, always orders! -They were delayed for a good while longer, and when they did arrive, -dumbfounded us! We were to fall back on Étain.</p> - -<p>There was nothing to be done but obey, so we retraced our steps along -the road we had followed so gaily the day before. Dissimulation was -no longer possible. We caught up and mingled with the sad troops of -fugitives. As long as the darkness lasted, we only half-realised what -it meant. But what a ghastly vision of distress the daybreak brought us!</p> - -<p>A dismal procession of women, children, and old men, many of them on -foot, laden with packages and bags, or pulling and pushing wheelbarrows -and hand-carts—the others huddled <i>pêle-mêle</i> in conveyances of all -ages, shapes, and sizes, drawn by oxen, donkeys, and dogs. The whole -populace, as Playoust had said, people hurrying along, elbowing their -way, getting hung up, and delayed. Their heads were hanging, and they -did not answer the stream of questions which burst from our ranks. -Babies' tears, and mothers' sighs. Every other minute a cyclist, or -a staff car cleared a way for itself, tooting and cursing.... And I -remember an old, a very<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span> old peasant, perched on a big tilted cart -brandishing his pitch-fork and shouting to us, as he pointed in the -opposite direction:</p> - -<p>"That's where they be, you slackers!"</p> - -<p>I was glad when, by eight o'clock, we had out-distanced the gloomy -horde, by our regular pace. But a long halt on the outskirts of Étain -condemned us to being caught up again by the mournful stream which -flowed all day.</p> - -<p>In the evening we set off again, and once more went through the little -town. How it had changed since the day before!</p> - -<p>Consternation reigned.</p> - -<p>We asked:</p> - -<p>"What's happening?"</p> - -<p>"They are there!" was the reply.</p> - -<p>"There!" One would have thought they meant a hundred yards away! The -inhabitants were turning out. I can see a well-dressed old woman, in -mourning, on the pavement in front of her house, loading a waggon—her -maid was helping her—with a confused medley of furniture, ornaments, -clothes.</p> - -<p>"You needn't be in such a bloomin' hurry, Mother," shouted Judsi; -"can't you see we're here!"</p> - -<p>"You won't stop them," she retorted.</p> - -<p>"Oh, steady on!"</p> - -<p>She raised her voice till it became a shriek:</p> - -<p>"You won't stop them, I tell you! It's just like it was in 1870!"</p> - -<p>She raised her gaunt arm, her piercing voice carried well.</p> - -<p>"Old witch!" growled Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>We passed on, but could hear her apostrophising the platoons and -companies behind us:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You won't stop them!"</p> - -<p>Her monotonous imprecation possessed our minds for a long time.</p> - -<p>The night fell, but we marched on and on. What a day's march this was, -too. Having had a meal we managed to hold out. We advanced without -thinking and yet what extraordinary sights we came across. The enormous -column of fugitives was trailing along this roadway too. This time we -were going up-stream, pushing northwards from Étain.</p> - -<p>But what were these soldiers scattered among the heart-breaking band. -The moon was beginning to shine. We caught sight of uniforms, at first -isolated, then in groups—all the troops mixed, and the ranks, too, -apparently.... The strange thing was that it never occurred to us to -ask what they were all doing or where they were going.... A few details -only struck us. Why so many foot-sloggers on horseback? This problem -worried Guillaumin. He sounded me several times.</p> - -<p>"Mounted scouts, do you think?"</p> - -<p>I answered drowsily:</p> - -<p>"Of course!"</p> - -<p>We advanced in silence, mechanically keeping our intervals, our -columns of four. No more peasants, and only an infinitesimal number -of civilians drifted down-stream now. The crowd was swelling though. -Transports and teams followed each other, rolling along, slipping and -sliding. They were all military-limbered waggons, forage waggons, -ambulance waggons, munition waggons, a sutler's van. Battery after -battery—an extraordinary state of confusion. Here were mud-crushers -whipping horses, some of which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span> fell, there hussars on foot, dragging -their worn-out beasts along.</p> - -<p>We passed companies lying in the shade of the ditch, and envied them. -There had been no halt for us for two hours at least. We had just -climbed a hill; I was marching with half-closed eyes. Guillaumin nudged -me:</p> - -<p>"Heavens above!"</p> - -<p>I opened my eyes. A large stretch of country lay before us, a dark -undulating plain enamelled with monstrous glares.</p> - -<p>I turned towards my companion.</p> - -<p>"Villages!" he murmured.</p> - -<p>Burning! That woke us up. We slowed down bewildered.</p> - -<p>Bouillon said:</p> - -<p>"Pore wretches, that's w'y they was doin' a bolt!"</p> - -<p>I counted the fires. Two to the right of the road, one of which seemed -quite near, and had high flames shooting up, which cast a glow all -round. Three to the left, and right in front of us at the axis of our -march, a huge conflagration.</p> - -<p>Spincourt? I had heard that name.</p> - -<p>The guns were growling sullenly. I tried to work, myself up to a -generous pitch of fury. These hamlets in flame, this blood-stained -earth, was my France, my Lorraine!</p> - -<p>But I was like a disconnected electric current.</p> - -<p>We were told to lie down in the ditch where we slept. But not for long. -We were made to get up and retire a little, and lie down again—we -slept once more—then we returned to our first site. We obeyed without -grousing, and this time the rest was more worth having. We dozed until -daybreak.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span></p> - -<p>The defilade along the white road continued. How many officers and -men, with horror and despair at their hearts, did we meet that August -dawn? Henriot came to find us. He was tortured with suspense at last. -What were all these people doing? We shook our heads, hesitating to -pronounce an opinion. It all passed as in a dream. Silent, preoccupied -phantoms who seemed to be hastening towards some goal....</p> - -<p>Now, however, some were to be seen whose pace was less rapid, and who -did not detest being looked at—men who had been wounded, only slightly -for the most part—who seemed to be saying, "We have done our bit!"</p> - -<p>A few of us ventured to question them. Oh, what replies we got. A -snare! A shambles! There were too many Huns! Each man claimed to be the -only one left of his battalion or regiment.</p> - -<p>A battalion sergeant-major, hit in the foot, gave us a graphic account. -"The Bosches were coming out of a wood, our 75's loosed off a belt at -them, and made pretty good shooting too. You ought to have seen the -blighters dance! We were under shelter, not far off, enjoying ourselves -enormously. They were blown up and fell in little pieces. Platoon after -platoon cut up. Others followed them, to be met with the same fate. -More still—until at the end of an hour, there was a thick rampart of -dead bodies all along the edge of the wood. But new lots kept on coming -up and crossing the obstacle, others shoving them on from behind. Our -guns were beginning to stop talking—not enough shells. And the grey -swarm slipped through into the plain. Suddenly we were threatened and -attacked and overwhelmed. What could we do? Retire! We ran for our -lives."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p> - -<p>Henriot ground his teeth, and muttered:</p> - -<p>"No, no, not that."</p> - -<p>"You'll soon see!" said the other.</p> - -<p>He saluted, and went on his way limping.</p> - -<p>Other accounts were in a different key. There was often a question of a -defensive taken by us. We advanced, and lay down and fired. Everything -was going well, but then suddenly the hostile machine guns were -unmasked. Ran, ran, ran, ran. The famous crackle went on and on, mowing -our lines down like corn. No use being plucky! What could we do? (That -was the everlasting refrain.) Escape! Never to return again.</p> - -<p>Some badly wounded men appeared supported by three or four comrades -who made use of the excuse to escape. There were very few orderlies -and stretcher-bearers. One heard nothing but complaints, for the most -part unjust, of the army medical corps. Guillaumin undertook to see -a Zouave, who had just come a cropper, to the neighbouring dressing -station. He came back disgusted. A major had grossly insulted him:</p> - -<p>"Oh, go to the devil! Your pal's done for!"</p> - -<p>A certain number, who were dragging themselves along in a sorry state, -found the strength to exhort us, with a melodramatic gesture, to avenge -them.</p> - -<p>Others pitied us:</p> - -<p>"Poor lads. You don't know what it is!"</p> - -<p>"You think not!" retorted Bouguet. "We had a taste of it at Mangiennes!"</p> - -<p>"Pooh!" The others snorted with contempt. "Mangiennes!" Did we think -that counted!</p> - -<p>Some gunners, black with powder, who were squatting in a cart, shook -their fists at the foot-sloggers.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span> The latter, absolutely broken down, -and drunk with rage, returned their invectives. They were just on the -point of pulling out their bayonets. Our company commander, who had -witnessed the scene, seized the most rabid by the collar. His tone and -rank over-awed them.</p> - -<p>An old sergeant, with touches of grey on his temples, followed, holding -his cap in his hand, and repeating in a singsong voice:</p> - -<p>"Stick to your packs, lads!"</p> - -<p>It was broad daylight now. All our <i>poilus</i> were up, taking in every -detail of the show.</p> - -<p>Will you believe that in the end not one of us was seriously -demoralised. Warnings and narratives left us rather sceptical. We -even felt an uncharitable tendency to rag survivors of the furnace. -Their hasty gait, their burlesque accoutrements! Above all each tragic -assurance: "I'm the only one left of the X——," raised storms of -laughter. We had seen dozens and hundreds of bearers of that device -march past! Judsi exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Don't cry about it, old chap! Your chums are waiting for you in Paris!"</p> - -<p>I believe that at the bottom of our hearts each one of us felt naïvely -convinced that our arrival would put everything right....</p> - -<p>The realisation that we were witnessing a rout did however penetrate my -consciousness at last, though still only in a vague way. Vaguely too I -dreaded lest our energy should suffer by it.</p> - -<p>I was delighted when we got orders, about six o'clock, to leave the -high road. We went across country for not more than four or five -hundred yards.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span></p> - -<p>Some trenches dug there appeared before us, as if by chance.</p> - -<p>A French dirigible, the Fleurus, passed high above our heads, and -seemed, I do not quite know why, a happy omen.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIXb" id="CHAPTER_XIXb">CHAPTER XIX</a></p> - -<p class="center">SPINCOURT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Heaven</span> knows whether we expected to have to charge from the beginning -to the end of that interminable day. The captain and the subaltern -had warned us. The cannonade raged in front of us and all round us. -The German fire was concentrated against a village below us, on our -right. If we were occupying it, what losses it would mean to us! To -begin with we could see each explosion and the resultant crumbling of -the buildings. Towards midday a thick pall of smoke rose and shrouded -everything.</p> - -<p>The fusillade and the machine-guns joined in the concert. Who would -guess what they reminded me of? The mock symphony with which Miquel had -amused at the Globe Café.</p> - -<p>It will be seen that I was far from feeling the same enervation as I -had the other week. I had become a fatalist.... We knew all about being -under fire. We had already been through it.</p> - -<p>I should certainly have been badly bored without Guillaumin's precious -and almost continual society. We began by discussing the situation at -length. He maintained that it was not serious.</p> - -<p>He passed on some of his serenity to me. His eyes shone when he said:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And our <i>poilus</i>, what!"</p> - -<p>"Admirable!"</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"What a fine race they are!"</p> - -<p>I wondered whether he was speaking of the French or the Beaucerons.</p> - -<p>What should he do a little later on, but set about extolling the -treasures lying dormant at the heart of these soldiers.</p> - -<p>"Most of them are married! They nearly all have kids! They never -stop thinking of those who have stayed behind—of their family. That -supports them. It's a case of morale!"</p> - -<p>"Steady on! Don't exaggerate!"</p> - -<p>They were good fellows, the majority, I admitted, and fond of their -families, but the chief point about them was their resignation and -passivity. A worthy herd!</p> - -<p>He insisted.</p> - -<p>"I assure you that they have their own personality and feelings, -and often a very generous share of them. They are certainly no -phrase-makers; it is even very difficult to get them to talk. They -mistrust you and themselves. You would think that they realised that -they would spoil their feelings by trying to express them in their -peasant jargon."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"Look how they find a way of writing every or almost every day! Some -of the men in the platoon have asked me to write the addresses, so -that they should be readable. Others, even, to wield the pen while -they dictated the text. Oh, just dull commonplace formulas, but what -a tender longing in them to reassure and cheer. That all declare, -whatever<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> happens, that they are resting, far away from the Bosches, -that everything is going excellently. 'Don't you worry!' is what they -say. What philosophy!"</p> - -<p>"And I'll quote some examples of delicacy; for instance, your Corporal, -Donnadieu, who was hit...."</p> - -<p>I opened my mouth to tell him of the man's trick, a villainy which had -remained unknown.</p> - -<p>"Well," he continued, "I've got a man from his part of the world, from -Neuville. He wrote a letter to the wife, who is just starting a new -baby, to tell her that her husband had been pinked—in case he had not -been able to let her know—but that it was nothing serious, and that he -would keep her informed!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin now described the arrival of the baggage-master, in the -farmyard the other day (I had missed this scene), and the distribution -of the letters and cards. Some of them had wept. Others hid themselves -to kiss the humble note-paper.</p> - -<p>What a singular state of mind! I considered these men around me lying -about like a lot of animals, their filthy faces, and obtuse foreheads -and dull looks. Bouillon, Gaudéreaux, Judsi, did they dream? Yes.... -Perhaps there were visions of children and wives wandering behind the -brute-like masks! For the first time I was drawn to them by a brotherly -instinct.</p> - -<p>I hazarded: "And yet it must be sad to leave some one behind...."</p> - -<p>That started Guillaumin off; he was in an eloquent mood. He recognised -the agonising character of these wars, which involved in the struggle, -not mercenaries, as in olden days, nor even soldiers by profession, -volunteers free of all ties, but the living substance of the nations, -this youth incapable of breaking the chains of blood and of love at -parting. For each<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> man in danger here, how many alarms there would -be yonder in the hearts of wives and mothers! What reverberation of -despair involved in each agony!</p> - -<p>But also what consolation to feel that one was not fighting uniquely -for pay or for glory, but for the safety of one's country! For what -was one's country but places and people, all that one held dear? -Woman above everything! Woman! All that was contained in that word! -The sublime exchange of encouragement. Betrothed and wives, they all -understood their rôle equally well. This cause was theirs. They had -sobbed at the departure of their loved ones, but most of them had made -no effort to keep them, but had only prayed Heaven to bring them back -victorious.</p> - -<p>He warmed to his subject. I listened, and approved. What a noble -character he was, and what an hour in which to work upon these -thoughts! The din of the battle redoubled. We caught sight of some -wounded not very far away dragging themselves to the high road. -Henriot signed to us. Shells were falling on a little wood less than a -kilometre away from us. We were going to be engaged. I paid homage to a -dear vision within me....</p> - -<p>Guillaumin cited some examples: Poor little Frémont. He had talked -to him a long time, the day before Mangiennes, about Françoise, his -sweet Françoise. It was to her that he offered all the privation -and weariness, for her sake that he gave proof of such a confident, -charming spirit. And De Valpic! Guillaumin suspected him of holding -out even when ill, in the touching and feverish longing to prove his -valiance to someone....</p> - -<p>He suddenly lowered his voice:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And you, Michel ... whom are you fighting for?"</p> - -<p>My heart melted. How tactfully and ingeniously my friend had led round -to the subject. I burned to reply to this chaste invitation by an -avowal, to confess to him that for me too, toil and suffering were -alleviated ... to tell him a tale of some romance or other with this -girl as heroine. Alas! I restrained myself in time. It would have been -a tale indeed—to lie just at the moment when the need of candour was -devouring me. Could I tell him what there was to tell? Unhappy wretch! -There was nothing! What was there between her and me? Nothing. Good -God, nothing! The pity of it! A holiday friendship, an exchange of -post-cards, that was all.... It was true that for the last few days my -imagination had been indulging in dangerous flights of fancy.... What -an awakening I was preparing for myself. By what right did I think -... that someone else was being inebriated at the same time by a twin -exaltation. It would have needed a miracle and there was nothing to -suggest that! Had my letter arrived? If so would she not have been -astonished, and indeed shocked—not to mention the people with her—at -my having written in a closed envelope? Should I ever receive a reply?</p> - -<p>So I could do nothing but murmur in an offhand tone:</p> - -<p>"Bah! A flirt here and there!"</p> - -<p>I suddenly wondered whether Guillaumin had not asked me, as it often -happens, solely in order to be asked himself. Did he want to open his -heart to me about some secret fondness? At the sight of his ugliness -I thought: "Could any one possibly love him?" But I was annoyed with -myself for this reflection....</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And what about you?" I said.</p> - -<p>He smiled, without a trace of sadness or forced merriment.</p> - -<p>"Oh, with a mug like mine! No, there's only one woman with whom I count -for anything, and that's my sister. But for her sake, it would annoy me -to go under!"</p> - -<p>It was the second time that I had heard him allude to his sister. -I questioned him, and he told me she was called Louise, and was -twenty-five years old. They had lived together since their mother's -death. She gave piano lessons.</p> - -<p>"You'll have to get her married," I said.</p> - -<p>He shook his head gently:</p> - -<p>"She is as ugly ... as I am!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Hour after hour went by, without bringing anything worse than our -inaction. We were inclined to become pessimistic. A sinister rumour -spread, at one point—Ought we to believe it?—Yes, Laraque the -connecting file, who had taken refuge with us for a minute, confirmed -the frightful mistake. Our divisional cavalry had ventured outside our -lines, and got into the line of fire from our batteries. A captain in -the observation post had tried distractedly to telephone but just then -the line had been cut and communications interrupted. Pandemonium. -Our batteries had the troopers marked, found their range, and soon -decimated them. They had been seen galloping madly in every direction, -forming into bunches, and ending by flying towards the enemy's -trenches, where they were met by grape-shot. The captain had gone off -his head, the signaller who was responsible had been executed—not that -it undid the damage!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span></p> - -<p>Laraque left us. We were crushed by his recital. That was a most -gloomy part of the proceedings. The big "coal-boxes" (quite recently -christened) were beginning to pour down on all sides of our line -raising heavy black clouds. A fusillade crackled, a little way off. -Some of our companies were engaged, so they said. Our turn seemed to -have come—we should bring only deadened wills to the impact....</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>And then suddenly, just as at Mangiennes, the falling dusk took us by -surprise. The call to "Cease fire" went. The extraordinary thing was -that both sides appeared to obey it. The uproar suddenly decreased.</p> - -<p>Laraque passed again bearing better news. First of all—he laughed—the -horrible tale of our cavalry having been annihilated by our 75's ... -well, it had been entirely contradicted! Our guns had fired on the -Uhlans all right, the plain was strewn with their bodies! Then that -village, Houdclancourt, which I have described as having been battered -by the German artillery ever since the morning—an officer who had come -from there had given the exact total of casualties: six wounded, not -one more than that! Pure waste of powder!</p> - -<p>We hastened to pass on the good news to the men. The day ended, on the -whole, on a more favourable note. Our comrades had held out, and we -had not been needed. Nothing to eat? We were accustomed to that ... -the usual thing on evenings after a battle. Lamalou tasted some raw -beetroot, pulled up in a neighbouring field. Everyone was convinced -that we should sleep where we were. But we were to have a surprise. -When it got dark, the order came to abandon the trench, and fall back -on the high road.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> - -<p>That was a gloomy crossing. All the wounded were gathering on this -side in the hope of getting first-aid. Many of them fell on the way, -some dead, others exhausted, begging for a drink. There were sobs, -and calls of "Mother!" We brushed past these unfortunates, strongly -tempted to stop and help them, but we were forbidden to break ranks! -There was growing indignation, for after all, where in thunder had our -stretcher-bearers got to?</p> - -<p>From the high road, we could see endless dots of light moving about and -crossing each other in the dusk of the plain. The Bosches collecting -their wounded, De Valpic informed me.</p> - -<p>"There's organisation for you!" I said, not without bitterness.</p> - -<p>"Their qualities against our qualities!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XXb" id="CHAPTER_XXb">CHAPTER XX</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE WAR BEGINS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">What</span> was to be done with us? We were not left long in doubt.... With -our packs on our backs, we set off.</p> - -<p>Henriot was very much depressed. A cavalry sergeant whom he had -just met had spoken to him of a general falling-back of the troops -supporting us on our right. We immediately formed a salient, likely to -be cut off.</p> - -<p>But Guillaumin joined us.</p> - -<p>"Tommyrot! Why we're just about to surround them on the left."</p> - -<p>He had got the tip from our friend Dagomert, the motor-cyclist.</p> - -<p>The column moved off. We marched all night.</p> - -<p>Nobody was very clear as to what direction we were taking. We were not -moving towards Étain. There was no question of a defeat. We were going -of our own free will. There were regular halts, and comparatively good -order was kept. Everyone was fully convinced that we were carrying -out a wily manœuvre. We were tickled, in advance, by the idea of -the Bosches' surprise when they saw us appear just where they least -expected us!</p> - -<p>The long halt took place at daybreak, when coffee<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span> was distributed. -According to the lieutenant we were in the neighbourhood of Pillon and -Billy, where we had fought the other week. A considerable recoil, no -doubt, but we had left the enemy a long way behind.</p> - -<p>The fact that the division was assembled on this tableland was once -more the signal for troublesome attention from a Taube, which dropped -some bombs, and two star shells without doing any damage.</p> - -<p>De Valpic told me that he feared we might be obliged to fall back on -the Meuse.</p> - -<p>"What makes you think that?"</p> - -<p>"Various things."</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"Our object is simply to delay them, I think. The north is where the -game will be lost or won!"</p> - -<p>He had a fit of coughing. Henriot appeared.</p> - -<p>"Would you believe it! The general turned up, and hauled the colonel -over the coals. He declares that we ought not to have left the trenches -we were holding last night!"</p> - -<p>"Oh, rot!"</p> - -<p>"And that we've got to go back!"</p> - -<p>"Nonsense!"</p> - -<p>Yes. When the news got about it called forth anger, cold at first—If -they didn't know what they wanted.... Then the men grew heated. A wave -of rage, and indeed opposition, surged through them. We ourselves did -not quite escape it.</p> - -<p>Luckily, there was a diversion, in the shape of a cart which drove up. -Everyone crowded round. The baggage-master! His horse was foundered. -He had got mail-bags of letters and parcels which he had collected at -Charny, and shouted to us:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I've been chasing you for the last three days!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin took possession of our bundle, and, mounted on a heap of -flints, began the distribution.</p> - -<p>A sea of humans surrounded him, faces stretched forward feverishly, -arms raised tirelessly—De Valpic in the front row between Bouillon and -Humel.</p> - -<p>I had been pushed forward. What did I expect? A line from my father -when he heard the terrible news? Hm! He would hardly have got mine. No. -I expected nothing. One by one the names escaped: Gaudéreaux, Descroix, -Lieutenant Henriot. Comrades answered to a certain number of them.</p> - -<p>"Missing! Killed!"</p> - -<p>Brief words which froze.</p> - -<p>I suddenly felt as if I'd had a blow on the head.</p> - -<p>"Dreher!" shouted Guillaumin, looking round for me.</p> - -<p>Lamalou handed me a letter. My eyes dimmed, my head swam. That -writing.... I freed myself from the crush round me. I fled, half -demented. I pinched, and weighed the envelope. How light and yet how -heavy it was! I just missed charging into the captain who was also -hanging about waiting.... I went twenty, fifty, yards, then threw -myself down in a field, at the foot of an apple-tree.</p> - -<p>My heart was still beating a mad measure, and I could hardly get my -breath. I hesitated for a long time before tearing the thin envelope, -then slowly and cautiously pulled out the double sheet which I fingered -and turned over.... That stamp too.... Yes, yes, I knew it! But I was -impatient to revel in the happy certainty: I flew to the signature.</p> - -<p>Jeannine! Jeannine! I shouted the name aloud in a transport of delight. -Then I hurriedly glanced<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span> through the first page.... And instantly I -understood that Happiness was descending upon me....</p> - -<p>As if afraid of so much joy, I hid myself, so to speak, from my ecstasy -for a few seconds behind such reflections as: "The post hasn't lost -much time!" or "That's what you might call a real letter!" As lovers -at their meetings cloak the emotion of the first moments with trivial -remarks.</p> - -<p>Eight pages! She had written eight pages! I began to read them with -tender deliberation. One long, dear harmonious poem! Each line held a -joy in store for me; at each page I turned I was torn betwixt my regret -at seeing it finished and my rapture that the next was beginning. I -could repeat those sentences to-day without hesitating over a single -syllable.</p> - -<p>She was writing, she said, on the evening of August 16th. She had -just received my letter, and was answering it immediately. She wanted -to be the first to send me a word of consolation in my sorrow. My -sorrow? I did not quite understand. It seemed to me that there was no -reason now for anything but envy. Then I reddened. Had I not told her -of my brother's death, on that card? Ah yes, whether consciously or -unconsciously, I had calculated on arousing her pity, her tenderness, -and I had succeeded. She professed herself overcome with emotion. My -only brother! Why—she reproached me gently—had I spoken of him so -rarely? She could see from the tone of my letter how much I loved -him. It was natural—the only being in the world fashioned after my -likeness, hardly any older than myself, the playmate of my childhood, -the confidant of my adolescence. The same profound and simple reasons -which my rejuvenated heart had suggested to me. I held Victor<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span> more -dear, I regretted him more poignantly. I blessed Jeannine for having -guessed my brotherly affection. In my card, I had made some passing -allusion to the two little orphans. Here again her thoughts ran -hand-in-hand with mine; she tactfully confirmed me in the idea of my -duties.</p> - -<p>Oh! with what sublime trust, with what exquisite and ingenuous sympathy -these lines overflowed. This language, so new between us, seemed to me -usual and necessary. Jeannine made some reference to the footing we had -been on at Ballaigues, when the tone of our trifling had merely been -one of playful courtesy. She appeared to apologise for the disguise -adopted then. Now we might see each other face to face. She professed -her friendship for me. She did not hesitate to make use of that word, -so delicious and pure, in which I read another, essentially the same, -but more magnificent illuminating the entire universe!</p> - -<p>I had not a shadow of doubt; she cannot have had either. It was the -letter of a fiancée. What surprised me was that we had delayed so long, -before seeing into our hearts. Ever since my departure, and every day -more surely, was not the vision of this child the only one which at -the approach of danger consoled me with a hope, towards whom, in the -hour of safety, my mirth rose up like incense. This hearth had ceased -long since to smoulder under cinders; powerful and generous, it flung -its ardent flames towards the sky. And had I doubted, Jeannine, lest -my passion should not be reciprocated. Could I not summon up a certain -look of yours, or an inflection of your voice which already bore -witness to the chaste avowal. How fervently your fingers had lingered -in mine at<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span> parting. We had been consecrated to each other ever since -that time. The present was less surprising—child of the wondrous -past! I seemed already to have spelt out these pages, upon which I was -feasting, in the course of some dream. Their enchantment, as adored -memories, was doubled for me!...</p> - -<p>The end of the missive breathed a tenderness no less proud or strong. -Jeannine knew through the <i>communiqués</i>, of the brilliant affair at -Mangiennes. She guessed that I had taken part in it, that I was not -wounded—(No! My good fortune lent me too great a halo!)</p> - -<p>By some mysterious intuition she ended up by counselling me to bear -the ill-fortune, which might be near at hand, courageously. What did -she know of it? What presentiment had she? I caught a glimpse of the -fate of returning troops, the ruin of our first hopes. Still distant -hypotheses! And then it would have needed greater misfortunes than that -to damp me. I was filled with enthusiasm. Guillaumin had not lied. What -rapture to consecrate myself to thee, to thy defence, my noble France, -incarnate in a young face!...</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I turned my steps towards my section; I was coming down to earth, -returning to grim reality....</p> - -<p>What a sight met my eyes!</p> - -<p>The piles of arms had been broken everywhere; yonder, the neighbouring -battalion was dispersing in the greatest disorder; our lot, disbanded -too, were jostling each other on the road. A regular panic! Guillaumin, -bareheaded, and haggard....</p> - -<p>"I was looking for you!" he shouted. "What do you say to this?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What? What do you mean?"</p> - -<p>"They're firing on us!"</p> - -<p>"Who?"</p> - -<p>Dragging me along, he gasped:</p> - -<p>"I've got your rifle and your things. Come along. Come along!"</p> - -<p>We rushed down.</p> - -<p>"Do you hear?"</p> - -<p>The echoes of explosions.</p> - -<p>"The 'Taube'?"</p> - -<p>"That was the beggar that marked us! But ... they talked of our -going back.... I don't think! They're close on our heels...! Their -artillery, the 'coal boxes'!"</p> - -<p>He pinched my arm till it bled:</p> - -<p>"And we've been flying all night!"</p> - -<p>I buckled on my pack, in a dazed way as we ran along, and took my rifle -from his. Henriot caught us up:</p> - -<p>"They're coming up from the south too. We're surrounded!"</p> - -<p>He was choking.</p> - -<p>Playoust stopped in front of us and chucked down his pack exclaiming:</p> - -<p>"Wot's the use o' goin' on? We're goners!"</p> - -<p>Some of the men followed his example.</p> - -<p>"You thundering lunatic!" I shouted to him.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin shook his fist at him. I shouted:</p> - -<p>"Keep your rifles, lads! The war's beginning in earnest now, when -you've got to fight for your crops and homes, for everything that's -dear to you!"</p> - -<p>Two or three men who had dropped their arms picked them up. We reached -a cross-road.</p> - -<p>Our <i>poilus</i> were grouped round us.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Fall in, No. 3 section."</p> - -<p>"Nicely in the soup, we are!" someone exclaimed.</p> - -<p>"Possibly! But we'll get out of it somehow. Where there's a will, -there's a way!"</p> - -<p>They looked at each other blankly. Then Judsi smacked the barrel of his -rifle with a swagger.</p> - -<p>"So the blighters think they're going to give us a doin'? We'll show -'em wot's wot!"</p> - -<p>I could have hugged him!</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span></p> -<p class="ph2"><a name="PART_III" id="PART_III">PART III</a></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_VII" id="BOOK_VII"><i>BOOK VII</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>August 25th-September 2nd</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Ic" id="CHAPTER_Ic">CHAPTER I</a></p> - -<p class="center">IN RETREAT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">What</span> memories I have of those days of retreat and disaster. Days when -not only Victory, but Hope, also, hid her face! Chance and destiny and -logic were so many forces crushing us. Everything was giving way. We -suffered in every kind of way, from hunger, cold, heat, exhaustion, -moral anguish, lack of news. Virile busy days, when the plan of -salvation germinated in the brain of our leaders, when the work of -redemption was accomplished in silence in the heart of each man and the -nation at large. Days, I should weep not to have spent where I ought, -as I ought!...</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>That afternoon, first of all, which we spent wandering in a forest. -Surrounded? We were not far from it. The men were well aware of -the sentries posted everywhere, and the patrol parties sent out to -investigate in every direction.</p> - -<p>One scene stands out particularly clearly in my memory. Those -staff-officers we passed as I was going with my section to inspect a -certain issue. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span> general seated on the edge of a slope with his -head between his hands, his subordinates standing motionless a few -steps away, respecting his meditation. A little farther on were the -orderlies, holding their horses by their halters. An hour later as -we were returning, we found them at the same place, and in the same -attitudes, the general with his head still sunk in his hands, his -aides-de-camp silently fixing their eyes on him.</p> - -<p>A petrified tableau. So all these people expected nothing better than -to have to give up their swords. I thought we were done for, but forced -myself to distract the attention of my companions.</p> - -<p>We afterwards learnt that during the twenty-four hours there, we had, -in high places, been looked upon as taken, and coldly struck off the -lists. We owed our escape solely to a company sergeant-major, a native -of that part of the country, who, having made careful inquiries about -the limits of the hostile advance, went, that evening, to find the -general in charge of the division, and offered himself as guide.</p> - -<p>It was our last chance. We followed him. The march lasted for three -hours. Only a small number of us discerned the tragic element floating -about us. The men complained of the absence of halts. The strictest -silence had been imposed upon us, we even had to hold the sheaths of -our bayonets in our hands. At the most dangerous point some palavering -in undertones, and obstreperous horse-play went on, a practical joke. -The Bosches no doubt were tired out; their sentries dead tired! A few -shots cracked on our flanks. We reached Cremilly. That apparently meant -that we were saved.</p> - -<p>For one day!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span></p> - -<p>That was only the mild beginning of our trials. After a morning's rest -we started again, with a charitable warning that we should have to keep -at it until nightfall. We had to keep at it all night too, and the next -day.... A forced march of thirty hours, the stiffest in the campaign! I -may mention further that we had not slept or had a bite of food since -two days before.... A miracle of human endurance.</p> - -<p>As long as it was light I vaguely noticed the road we covered. The -noise of the firing was growing weaker. We were falling back on the -Meuse, as De Valpic had predicted.</p> - -<p>Back there already! I lamented so much lost territory. This thought -pained me. I looked with the aching heart with which one salutes -abandoned patrimony, at these fields and valleys, these woods, which I -examined with such a cold and detached gaze a few weeks ago. Lorraine -was actually becoming dear to me! I began to realise that each part -of the world has its own particular character.... The tender green -of these pastures which not even the ardour of a torrid summer had -been able to alter! The calm and haughty harmony of this billowing -ground.... I was seized with affection for this pensive and laborious -race by whose property the whole of the French lineage is enriched. The -names recurred to me of authors born in these parts, who wove their -noble blossoms for our literary crown, of painters who had grown up and -erected their easels here, attracted by the enchantment of the mist. -And all that belonged there of our history: Varennes, the flight of -Louis XVI., the romantic episode on the threshold of a troubled and -magnificent epopee!... Valmy, Sedan close at hand! We were, as I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> have -said, drawing near to the Meuse. Fifteen or twenty miles up-stream lay -Domrémy and Vaucouleurs. Were these hamlets full of sacred memories -destined to crumble within a few days beneath the Teuton howitzers?</p> - -<p>And if we had to retreat still farther! My gaze took in the hills, and -the expanse of pale sky. Fortin's brutal warning recurred to my mind. -"What they needed first was what remained to us of Lorraine, Champagne, -and the Franche-Comté...."</p> - -<p>My heart contracted. I murmured, "No, no!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Hours and hours passed by. The evening fell. There were no halts, or -almost none. The night came down. We went on mechanically, hour after -hour, bowed beneath our packs. No one stayed behind. Guillaumin had -spread the report that the Uhlans, pushing on behind us, butchered all -the stragglers—a superfluous intimidation. After three weeks of active -service, those who had already fallen out eliminated, these classes -of reserves contained nothing but unusually good soldiers ... no more -sentiment or thought ... admirable beasts of burden. Shall I say that -we slept standing up? But I mean it quite literally. Many of them I -swear were snoring. Every other minute one got one's neighbour's rifle -in the shoulder or in the face: not that it woke one up for very long. -It was astonishing that there were no serious accidents. Had we crossed -the Meuse? Were we continuing to skirt it? Guillaumin was talking in -his sleep. At one point he said to me:</p> - -<p>"We're going through Verdun, you see?"</p> - -<p>I raised my heavy eyes and said:</p> - -<p>"Are you sure?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span></p> - -<p>He made a movement with his head:</p> - -<p>"Look at these two-storied houses."</p> - -<p>They were the trees bordering the road. I had not even the strength -to smile. At dawn an artillery officer galloped along the column. He -slowed down on a level with us and asked:</p> - -<p>"Have you seen him? My orderly! He must have fallen off his horse on to -the road."</p> - -<p>The men nudged and questioned each other. Nobody, no. Nobody had seen -anything. We learnt, ten minutes later, that the man had just been -picked up gasping and on the point of death, a kilometre behind us. The -whole regiment had gone over his body without noticing it.</p> - -<p>Farther on—the longing to sleep had left me since it had grown light -again—I witnessed a touching scene.</p> - -<p>Henriot looked me up and whispered:</p> - -<p>"I say, we shall pass my home!"</p> - -<p>I was interested.</p> - -<p>"At Génicourt?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, the village after this one."</p> - -<p>We had just entered Dieu. The lieutenant stayed beside me. When, on -leaving the village, he saw that we were turning to the right, his face -clouded over:</p> - -<p>"What in the world are we going to do over there!"</p> - -<p>We were crossing the river; we should leave Génicourt on the left!</p> - -<p>"Do you think, do you think," he said, "that I might ask the captain...?"</p> - -<p>Ask what? For permission to go and kiss his mother.</p> - -<p>"Of course!" I said.</p> - -<p>I never dreamt that it would be refused.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span></p> - -<p>He left me, but soon came back:</p> - -<p>"The captain didn't want me to. He's quite right. Quite right!"</p> - -<p>But the most terrible misery was depicted on his face. He continued:</p> - -<p>"And do you know. He assures me that it would have been no good, that -the village must be evacuated because ... because it's on ... the right -bank!"</p> - -<p>He stopped at the side of the road.</p> - -<p>"Oh! Dreher! I should never have thought that they would have left it, -that they would...."</p> - -<p>Génicourt, his birthplace, devoted to ruin, to the worst ravages, to -the fate of those wretched villages whose funeral pyres had blazed like -beacons on the horizon, yesterday.</p> - -<p>"Come along, sir."</p> - -<p>He followed me like a child, adding:</p> - -<p>"You, you understand, don't you? You who are a Lorrain too. The captain -told me that over there in your direction, towards Lunéville, we have -had to retire too, and let them penetrate into our territory...."</p> - -<p>It was a striking coincidence—that fact that he told me. I had had a -presentiment of it. All night I had confusedly turned this apprehension -over in my mind. Eberménil. Eberménil.</p> - -<p>How often had I not repeated to myself that I felt no particular -attachment to this hamlet where chance, and chance alone, had decreed -that I was to be born! I had not set foot in it since I was ten years -old. We only kept the estate out of affection for the past. Why did I -suddenly have a strikingly clear vision of the white house with green -shutters, the big fir beneath whose shade the table was often laid? I -called to mind other scenes. The little pond where we always<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span> tried to -catch the gold fish—I had fallen in twice—the nursery where we fought -with Euréka pistols, the croquet lawn, where mother used to play with -me against father and Victor—Victor! Mother! O dear shades! Yonder lay -my childhood dead, with the vanished beings. This part of the world was -for me a unique centre of emotions. I made a vow to go back there and -soak myself with its melancholy and charm. But a cloud intervened. What -if the old place had been sacked? Perhaps the old fir-tree had fallen! -Revolted at the thought, I felt the shock of an individual rancour. My -heart contracted. We should see!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIc" id="CHAPTER_IIc">CHAPTER II</a></p> - -<p class="center">DARK DAYS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">That</span> march without halt or respite had led us to the neighbourhood of -St. Mihiel. There was some talk of our being told off for the active -defence of Toul. But the next day found us reascending toward the -north-east. All the same ground to cover again. We made the best of a -bad job.</p> - -<p>We passed close to Génicourt for the second time. Henriot made no more -requests, but his gaze lingered sadly on those roofs separated from us -by the river; and from that day a secret spring seemed to have snapped -in him.</p> - -<p>After another hard day's march we again reached the Meuse which we had -left behind the day before, in order to cut south of Verdun.</p> - -<p>The river was not very broad at this point, only twenty yards or so, -nor very deep, and there were numerous fords. The night was falling. -The liquid sheet seemed heavier and darker than usual. Guillaumin who -was the first to go down to the bank shouted to me:</p> - -<p>"I say, the water's red!"</p> - -<p>I was loath to believe it; and yet ... I joined him and plunged my -hand into it, and then drew it out. These dark stains—must be a -bloody deposit! How horrible! I hurriedly wiped my hand on the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span> grass. -The rushes washed by the current were soiled in a like manner. Those -shapeless masses floating below the surface, if one looked hard, turned -out to be corpses!</p> - -<p>Had there been fighting on these banks? No, up-stream, we learnt. -Furious attempts on the part of the Germans to force this important -piece of line. They had sustained terrible losses. Their bodies, we -were told, obstructed the course of the river; it could be crossed -dry-shod.</p> - -<p>We stayed there that night and the next morning—a repulsive halting -place. An acrid odour rose from this charnel stream.</p> - -<p>We luckily had a tale of victory to lull us to sleep: the enemy -shattering themselves against the obstacle; artillerymen filing off mad -with joy caressing their guns. One of their captains boasted that he -had demolished more than six thousand Bosches with his four batteries. -How could we question such feats of prowess while a never-ending stream -of human relics floated past on the stream at our feet? The best proof -of our success arrived in the shape of an order to recross the Meuse -and advance again.</p> - -<p>A few miles recovered! I greeted with a friendly glance the lovely -hills and valleys that saw us again so soon, as victors.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We entered a village named Hazaumont, which the Teuton flood had -submerged barely for an instant; and stayed there all day. We had to be -on the alert as the guns were thundering in the neighbourhood, but it -was a rest for mind and body nevertheless.</p> - -<p>The few inhabitants who had stayed behind exploited the situation. I -still laugh when I think of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span> the old woman who was selling her bad wine -at four francs a bottle.</p> - -<p>Judsi, when he learnt the price, gaped with astonishment, opened -his hands, and dropped two bottles which he had seized. There was a -resounding crash! And he retired, politely saying:</p> - -<p>"Too dear, madam!"</p> - -<p>The old woman uttered piercing shrieks and lodged a complaint. A lot of -good it did her. The captain requisitioned the entire contents of her -cellar, at tenpence a bottle, indiscriminately!</p> - -<p>We might once more have been at manœuvres. We ate and drank, and -got a good afternoon's nap; what could we wish for more! One of -Guillaumin's corporals found a way of hiring himself out to give a -hand to the publican in the village. He had his work cut out for him, -dashing out from the tap-room to the tables in the garden, but he was -richly rewarded for his pains, in the evening, by the great pailful of -wine which he brought back in triumph.</p> - -<p>He was hailed with delight. There were some abuses, of course. Lamalou -was heard to ask:</p> - -<p>"Any one got an empty haversack?"</p> - -<p>He disappeared and came back with a rabbit, and a chicken.</p> - -<p>The Bosches had not pillaged much, only a few houses. I won't swear -to it that certain others did not suffer by our doing. There were -complaints by the mayor, and an inquiry; they spoke of a thief caught -in the act.</p> - -<p>The officers in command, on the contrary, closed their eyes to the -orgies and drinking parties. Discipline was relaxed, in fact. I was a -little disquieted about it, in spite of the fact that, in our lot at -all<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span> events, the men kept within certain limits. It is certain that -they were feverishly anxious and eager to make the most of all the -material benefits, which they might not enjoy for very much longer. And -surely the thought that a lot of these fine lads would be under the -ground to-morrow was a good enough excuse.</p> - -<p>The place stank of spies. During our short stay, several were -discovered, and had summary justice dealt out to them, which gave -rise to a tendency to see them everywhere. Every civilian fell -under suspicion; there were repeated disputes between soldiers and -villagers—ill usage and reprisals. We will draw a veil over it! It was -sickening!</p> - -<p>As to the general situation, the large majority never gave it a -thought, and we others still knew nothing.</p> - -<p>General Pau was supposed to be striking a knock-down blow in Belgium -while Castelnau on the other wing was pushing on the invasion of -Alsace. A superb enveloping movement! All that our army group in the -centre, which served as a pivot, had to do, was to hold out, to avoid -being broken through. This slight retirement, on our part, had been of -small importance.</p> - -<p>But matters were to be precipitated.</p> - -<p>The same evening we leave Béthain to march northwards towards the -firing. We do not get very far. The moment our advance companies enter -a village, a hail of "Black Marias" begins—there are heavy losses—we -retire in disorder—an accomplice in the steeple is signalling to the -enemy. We have orders to shoot him; he escapes. A deadly halt in a -field.</p> - -<p>And suddenly on the road close by a hullabaloo, a rout. That stream -of fugitives, runaways, and wounded. We know all about that! -Spincourt over<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span> again! An infallible sign of defeat! Surprise and -bitterness—once more!</p> - -<p>Some battalions marched past in comparatively good order, troops from -the south, who had fought as well as any of the others, but their -accents and black beards tickled our sense of humour, and a stupid tale -got about that they gave way without fighting.</p> - -<p>Terrible tidings were passed along, spread by the captain, a native of -Tarascon, I imagine, who ran up to one of our officers:</p> - -<p>"Where are you going?"</p> - -<p>"To occupy that village."</p> - -<p>"Impossible, my dear fellow!"</p> - -<p>"How's that?"</p> - -<p>"We've just come from there! It's raining bommmbs!"</p> - -<p>Our halt lasts an eternity. The firing is drawing nearer. A moonless -night. We hate the feeling of passing on to the front, without having -heard ourselves shout to any one, to get out of the way—one of the -rare occasions when one wishes instinctively to retire. Not far behind -us, we felt, was the Meuse. Yes, there we could make a stand!</p> - -<p>The village we entered a few hours ago is on fire. The stream on the -road is becoming less dense. The report once more spreads that we are -cut off, or at all events forgotten, it appears.</p> - -<p>Or sacrificed? The colonel warns us that our division has orders to -protect the retreat, to hold out to the last extremity. That revives -our courage! But I consider. A division to form a rear-guard? How many -corps were there crowded there!</p> - -<p>They at last decided to take us back. The wan dawn—the "coal-boxes" -beginning again. At one<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span> point their crash passes so low above our -heads that we should like to bend right down to the ground. We are -surrounded on all sides by the terrible detonations. A hundred yards -from us a platoon of the 23rd battalion is pounded to pieces—an -abominable sight!</p> - -<p>We have the strength to make our way.... But the lowlands and ditches -and woods are running over with wounded; and men who have come to the -end of their strength succumbing to over-work and hunger. Mounted -police scour the roads, in increasing numbers, and beat the bushes, -shaking men by the collars who seem to be asleep, but sometimes turn -out to be dead.</p> - -<p>Our instructions were explicit. By midday not one of our men was to be -on the right bank of the Meuse.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>At this point my recollections of places and dates become rather -involved. Three, four days.... What happened? We march and march, and -we fight. But there are no long engagements.</p> - -<p>We expect to hold each prepared and organised position. No! we are -turned and overwhelmed. We have to break up, pursued by hostile -projectiles. And what a nightmare the Taubes are. They harry you hour -after hour, dropping grenades and bombs, and also messages which we -have neither the time nor the inclination to read. Incredibly daring -pilots descend to within fifty yards! We fire on them in a fury, with -"Archibalds" and rifles and revolvers. All in vain! Nothing touches -them. The bird flies off.... I've seen some of the lads exasperated to -such a pitch that they began to throw stones.</p> - -<p>The line of the Meuse? Far from it! We could not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span> hold it for an hour. -The Germans had just crossed it at Consenvoye and elsewhere.</p> - -<p>An insane circuit began. Souilly, Montfaucon, Exermont, Tailly—I won't -be answerable for the order in which they came.</p> - -<p>The most striking episode occurred at Beauclair.</p> - -<p>Some Uhlans were said to be resting in the village. We were ordered to -chase them out of it. For once in a way our artillery prepared the way -for us, by peppering it for a good hour. Then a whistle was blown—we -were hanging about on the outskirts—"Fix bayonets! Charge!"</p> - -<p>We rushed the village, marvelling, in spite of the preparation, at -such an easy success. Then we saw that the enemy had been warned and -had evacuated it just before the bombardment had begun. The horrible -part was that we had destroyed this village for nothing, nothing at -all. Not a house was left standing, not a strip of wall spared. Some -of the inhabitants, some women, came out of the smoking remains. They -had taken refuge in the cellars during the devastating cyclone,—many -of them had been killed there. Mad with rancour, among the ruins, they -hurled taunts at us:</p> - -<p>"Ah. It's you! It's your work, is it! Even the Bosches are better than -you!"</p> - -<p>That evening, we retired again after severe fighting. A night march, in -zigzag formation, and in the morning bewilderment. We had retired too -quickly, it seemed, leaving all our artillery unsupported, and in the -greatest danger.</p> - -<p>We ourselves were surrounded, so it was said. This time it was really -serious! We were assured that the situation was as desperate as it -could be.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span></p> - -<p>Our colonel, the one like Dumény, had got a splinter in his thigh. -The new one collected his officers and pointed out that no choice was -left but to surrender or perish. His had been made he added, tapping -his revolver. (Henriot was my authority for these details.) Someone or -other, he said, had gone as far as to suggest cutting up the colours to -prevent them being left in the hands of the enemy. Each N.C.O. and each -private should carry away a shred.</p> - -<p>They had got as far as that! And then a young staff-captain dropped -into the middle of them shouting;</p> - -<p>"For Heaven's sake, sir, send someone to relieve the guns!"</p> - -<p>He energetically took the direction of the operations into his own -hands. A certain battalion was to play a certain part! Such-and-such a -company as flankers. And there was not a minute to be lost!</p> - -<p>He was a born leader! We would have followed him wherever he chose.</p> - -<p>Our counter-attack was successful, and enabled the gunners to bring -their batteries and ammunition waggons back.</p> - -<p>There was talk, the same day, of an extensive advantage obtained in -our neighbourhood. We triumphantly thought we had done with these -retrograde marches.</p> - -<p>No such luck! At night, orders came as usual to beat a retreat. We were -entering on another stage of our fantastic itinerary. A flight—as -we were being pursued. The hamlets of Argonne again burst into flame -behind us. One evening twelve torches could be counted blazing beneath -the lowering sky....</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span></p> - -<p>Astounding rumours began to spread. The most persistent, but also the -one which found the least credence, was this:</p> - -<p>"Laon and La Fère invested!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIIc" id="CHAPTER_IIIc">CHAPTER III</a></p> - -<p class="center">STRENGTH OF MIND</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Would</span> it be a surprise to hear that not for one instant during that -time did I experience the faintest shadow of discouragement? And -yet I did not shut my eyes to the truth. I did not in the least -disregard the desperately critical element in our position. My -steadfastness arose, I believe, from the deep-rooted conviction that -if, in such circumstances, the nation abandoned the least iota of her -self-confidence, all would be up with her and with us. I was conscious -of being a molecule participating in the whole. The slightest faltering -on my part would have diminished the strength of my platoon, of my -company, of the whole regiment. In the same way, I thought, my energy -must raise it and reinforce it. And besides, my will did not need -stiffening, I was steeped in serene faith, infinitely more convinced -of our final success, all through this retreat, which resembled a -disaster, than I had been a few days before, when I kept watch at the -outposts of a victorious army. "Just wait a little," I repeated to -myself obstinately. Our adversary was gaining an advantage, driving us -in front of him. Very well! We were suffering, and we should suffer -endless ills,—especially when autumn came on,—desertions, partial -mutinies might occur. Everyone counted on some terrible epidemic. There -would be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span> nothing surprising in new and still more serious defeats. -Yes, but afterwards, afterwards? Afterwards, I conceived a limit to our -misfortunes, but not to our resources. I discerned in myself, in us, -a capacity for resistance against which the effort of the enemy would -spend itself in vain however tenacious it might be.</p> - -<p>To what must I attribute the expansion of my strength of mind? I asked -myself then, and have considered it since.</p> - -<p>To the boon, first of all, of being descended from that sturdy stock. -I remembered the vitality my mother had always shown. Had she not -nursed me at night during my long illnesses for three weeks at a time, -without neglecting one of her duties during the day? And my father, and -his behaviour from one end to the other of the preceding war! Taken -prisoner once, wounded twice, he considered the armistice shamefully -premature after six months of incessant fighting.</p> - -<p>On searching my memory, I did not fail to find indication of the force -latent in me, which had had no opportunity of increasing owing to the -paltry conditions of my life as a young well-to-do <i>bourgeois</i>. That -Rugby semi-final for the inter-school championship, played between my -college and the "Lilies of the Valley" from Bourdeaux. Our opponents, -favoured by the wind and sun, had kept the game in our "twenty-five" -nearly all the first half, and had scored four tries and two goals. -That meant a beating for us; despair in our team. I can see myself at -half-time, ceasing to suck my lemon in order to make a manly speech to -my fourteen comrades. In the second half, we kicked off, got the play -into their "twenty-five," and in our turn, scored two tries, the second -of which was converted.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span> We could not have gained more satisfaction by -beating them, than we did by avoiding a humiliating defeat.</p> - -<p>Does the comparison make you smile?</p> - -<p>But I belonged to a generation which had already profited by the proud -lesson of sport. I had pursued all the most violent athletics, less on -rational than on passionate grounds, and for the delights of self-love -which bear such a wonderful attraction for youthful hearts. I had run, -boxed, and swum. I had been broken into the games where the individual -learns to collaborate unselfishly with his partners. I bear witness to -the nobility of that school. Without suspecting it I had gained a moral -education there. One comes out tempered for any struggle, after having -tried conclusions with rival energies over and over again in friendly -meetings.</p> - -<p>And even if I had gained nothing but the bodily benefit!</p> - -<p>The play of my muscles and organs was free and healthy and unhampered. -Well fed as we were, except on one or two occasions, I could have gone -to the world's end. As I became hardened, I no longer got as tired as -I had on the first days. I lay down to sleep, never mind where, and I -slept. On waking up all I felt was a suspicion of stiffness, nothing -more. The first advance! How often I was lucky enough to be able to -give a helping hand to some man, by carrying his rifle or his load for -him for an hour or two. My own pack sat lightly on me, seemed to have -become part of me. I remember how distracted I was one day—I must have -left it on the bank just now, I exclaimed, during the long halt...!</p> - -<p>Guillaumin saw that I was not laughing, it was he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span> who exploded: My -pack? It had been plastered on to my shoulders the whole blessed time!</p> - -<p>Another motive for my strength of mind, the chief one, was my -correspondence.</p> - -<p>There were many complaints during those weeks, about the delay in -the postal service. With us—I can only state the fact—it worked -adequately, no, admirably. I have described how the baggage-master -caught us up, the day after "Spincourt." By some knack, or lucky -chance, we saw him arrive twice more during the week, trotting -cheerily along behind his lean mare. He was a good sort, and related -his adventures, which others might have called feats of prowess. -How many times had he just missed being killed, wounded, or taken -prisoner! These were reliable accounts: his cart had been riddled, and -the splinter of a shell had pulverised one of his post-bags one day. -Neither he nor his beast had ever been touched.</p> - -<p>The second mail brought me a letter from my father. He knew at last; he -had had official information. It was a grave and sorrowful missive. His -affection and hope were centred entirely upon me, he assured me. In his -manlike way of expressing himself, where there was not one unnecessary -word, I discovered traces of an attachment which I had formerly refused -to recognise.</p> - -<p>And this added page—was from the poor little widow. After leaving St. -Mihiel, which was threatened, she reached Paris just in time to be -greeted by the abominable news. She was bearing up in the face of the -terrible shock. I had dreaded collapse and prostration for her. And now -no one could help admiring her, shining with resolute determination -in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span> her affliction—two little children to bring up—the sense of her -duties! How I should have liked to go to her and take her hands and -say: "I mourn with you, my sister. If I live, dispose of me as you -will!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>What a transport of delight I was thrown into by these appearances of -the baggage-master. Jeannine, with divine consideration, had written -to me again without waiting for my reply, which might be delayed, she -said, by so many chances. In future she intended to write me a line -almost every day. A line! That meant long, affectionate epistles. Two -reached me at once, then three together, the second time.</p> - -<p>With a modesty to which I mutely paid homage, Jeannine avoided all -allusions to the new state of affairs which had actually risen -between us. But I read her passionate infatuation between the -lines, in the burning contents of these letters. Scraps of them -still float in my memory. She spoke of herself and of me, of my -people and her people—our people. She touched lightly upon every -subject, which at that time affected us like so many millions of our -brothers. Did she not recall as if by chance various of those high -problems which had formed the subject of our smiling discussions at -Ballaigues—self-sacrifice, abnegation, disinterested attachment to -such and such an idea or being? Did I deign now to bow before this -sublime foolishness, she wondered? She did not insist upon it. She -knew that she had easily carried her point. I developed our motives -of inspiration, and returned them to her. They were all secretly -contained—and she felt it, the sweet creature—in this one, we loved -each other.</p> - -<p>Love! I dared to look this prodigious word in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span> face. The vision -of promised joy kept me up. When once the war was over, the country -saved,—in her eyes and in mine, everything else must give way to -that—I pictured our reunion, our brief betrothal, and the day, oh -God, the day when we should kneel side by side—What could it matter -whatever separated me from that time? Toil and suffering, the spilling -of my blood, what was it all? A moderate advance when such wondrous -radiance filled the horizon.</p> - -<p>I had not given up my habit of analysis. An attitude of mind which -stays with one, I believe, till death, when once adopted. I sometimes -wondered at my youthful enthusiasm. Was I a captive? Caught up in the -whirlwind? I who had thought myself safely in shelter. I asked myself -whether this ardour were not partially fictitious or at all events -ephemeral? How unlike me it was—I, who was so much imbued with the -idea of my cold-bloodedness and stoicism—to become infatuated about -this child, and that too when I was no longer in her presence, when I -had been able to live beside her for weeks without being in the least -perturbed or inflamed. Such reflections drew me as the bushes on the -river-bank draw an abandoned boat drifting with the current. It was -only a brief fluctuation. I gave one or two powerful strokes with the -oars, and regained the open river, where the rapid stream carried me -away.</p> - -<p>It was true, I admitted, that a month or two ago, when I had been -face to face with her, I was incapable of love, or of any exalted -feelings. But was I alive at that time? No. No. A secret affliction -robbed my destiny of all true zest. Let me revel to-day in the supreme -instinct which was reviving in me! Was this instinct folly? It was -quite possible. Especially this<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span> passion which had suddenly blossomed -in such abnormal circumstances? But what was there more beautiful than -a beautiful folly? If, after having been hurled, by the brutality of -circumstances, from my quietude into the sphere where the fate of -primitive beings was under discussion—what more natural than that -I should be born anew to their fire and rapture. What delight there -was in recurring to an artless frame of mind, what pride at the same -time in retaining a certain elevation of thought. Love could no longer -mean for me mere desire. I magnificently mingled metaphysical reveries -with it. I flattered myself on having attained perfect poise—on being -philosopher enough to give my fever an august flavour—man enough to -quiver at it.</p> - -<p>In my replies to Jeannine I was as reserved as she was as regarded -our deepest feelings. Like her I poured myself out in passionate -meditations on the present circumstances. Any treatment seemed to -suit them, from arch frivolity to lyricism. I, who formerly used to -be so particular about each letter being written in an accurate, and -indeed elegant style, now scribbled away at page after page, just as -they occurred to me. I did not even read them over! A soldier to his -fiancée! The slips must take care of themselves. And I took a kind of -pride in baring my soul, which no longer hid any evil recesses....</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IVc" id="CHAPTER_IVc">CHAPTER IV</a></p> - -<p class="center">OH, MY FRIENDS!</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">In</span> whom should I confide the secret which made my heart leap?</p> - -<p>Could I hesitate when Guillaumin was beside me!</p> - -<p>Lively, hearty, and full of go, he was an incomparable companion. He -fought as if he had been born to it.... He was in for it, and would -stick to it. He had thought it would only be a short business. He -realised that it would be a long one. Couldn't be helped! Why grouse -about it? He preferred to save his breath. Not for an instant did he -dream that we could negotiate for peace as losers. One felt that he -would march on patiently counting always on revenge, sooner or later, -as long as he had the legs to march on; that he would fight as long as -he had the arms to fight with.</p> - -<p>How fond I was of him! How worthy he was of my confidence!</p> - -<p>I hesitated, all the same, for a long time. It was the effect of -my rooted suspicion of my fellow-beings—I swear that I lacked the -courage. One day, however, when we were marching—he was talking to me -about his sister who was a musician—I made some allusion to Jeannine, -also a musician. He looked at me, and I made up my mind to it, I so -much wanted him to know. But my tone played me false in the most<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span> -bizarre manner, cloaking itself in false irony. I seemed to be giving -an account of a casual flirtation. What would this unimportant intrigue -end in? I pretended to have no idea of it. And the word, the delicious -word, which was ready to blossom on my lips, was never pronounced.</p> - -<p>Hypocritical trifling! How I cursed it, on looking back at it. How -thankful I was to Claude for not adopting the same frivolous tone in -his turn. If he had done so, that would have been the end of it. I -should have retired within myself, embittered by the idea that I had -been misunderstood or, worse still, we should have continued to make -meaningless remarks on the subject, which would have done violence to -my love. Instead of which Guillaumin guessed that I was, in spite of -myself, the victim of an absurd timidity; it was he who, by insensible -degrees directed our conversation into a more cordial and sincere -channel. He made his interest clear to me. My confidence touched him, -he refused to treat it as an insignificant sentiment. Then I took the -final step, and knew the sweetness of self-abandonment.</p> - -<p>Without a blush, since I was sure that no chaffing threatened me, I was -able to describe to him in detail the progress of the sweet seduction -right up to the glorious ecstasy. He listened to me unwearyingly, -encouraging me by a strange word or nod. The next day he gave me an -opening, which I had vaguely desired, to return to my subject. He -smiled at me, when my next letters came, and his eyes shone. His -friendship performed the miracle of making him happy because I was.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>De Valpic had stayed with us. I had pressed him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span> in vain to report -sick. Guillaumin, and the captain too had urged him to. Circumstances -robbed our exhortation of all efficacy. He said repeatedly that it was -a time when the country claimed the determined effort of all her sons. -If I insisted, he cut me short with:</p> - -<p>"Dreher, you wouldn't desert us!..."</p> - -<p>So he went on, and refused to give in. He valiantly accomplished the -terrible marches, and bore the sleepless nights, and the days without -rest. We sometimes found him sitting down panting, during the halts, -without even the strength to wipe his forehead. His appearance then -would terrify us, his hollow eyes, and flaming cheek-bones. In a few -days his features had become peaked, his face emaciated; his poor -shoulders were bowed. One would never have expected him to go down hill -so rapidly. His cough was growing more rasping. He expectorated freely, -but always—with touching consideration—into a little spittoon, -concealed until then in his pack. We hardly dared to ask him how he -was. He had asked me lightly not to refer to the subject again.</p> - -<p>"I am better, I assure you, since I've given up thinking about it!"</p> - -<p>"But what about your temperature?"</p> - -<p>"I'm not feverish now. I've thrown away my thermometer. I ought to have -begun by doing that!"</p> - -<p>He did not let a day go by without writing, any more than I did. He -was always on the lookout for ways of despatching his letters, and was -usually obliging enough to allow me to profit by them.</p> - -<p>I was totally ignorant of anything concerning the object of his love, -her name and age and everything.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span> The one question he had pronounced -had been enough to make me understand his devotion for her. She too, I -guessed, must love him, if she was willing to wait till he recovered.</p> - -<p>I used to wonder about this girl—a stranger to me. I imagined her as -the bearer of a great name, endowed with beauty and every fascination. -What a couple they would make! Alas, and that would never be! Would -she recognise her fiancé, when the war gave him back to her, battered, -and at the end of his strength, destined to fade away? I pictured him -on a long chair shivering and pulling his rug over his knees. The idea -obsessed me. Like imaginations must harry him ceaselessly. With a vague -eye, and a far-away look he must often be thinking of her, whom he -would see again—if things were looked at in their best light—only for -a moment.</p> - -<p>The closest intimacy had sprung up between him and Guillaumin and me.</p> - -<p>De Valpic was in the first platoon with Humel, Descroix and Playoust, -and suffered more than we did from contact with that "lot." They -disliked him, and reproached him with being stuck up, and sly,—he -who was so simple, and straightforward! They did him bad turns, and -arranged once or twice—we messed in platoons now—to defraud him of -his share, on the pretext that he was late. Playoust who had wormed his -way into the sergeant-major's good graces got the "viscount" warned for -several tiring fatigues. At Béthaincourt, for instance, the unfortunate -creature was left behind to wait for the certificate of good conduct. -The Mayor, having finally refused, after long disputes, he caught us up -in the middle of the night, after a forced march. We did not get wind -of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span> this bullying at once. We did not see much of the Humel-Playoust -set, and De Valpic hated making complaints; he would have preferred to -see peace established, even if it were to his own detriment.</p> - -<p>Everyday, however, we monopolised him more and more. He joined our mess -which Gaufrèteau had agreed to manage, ever since Spincourt, and which -aroused everyone's envy, so savory were the fumes which rose from it, -even in the most tragic hours, and amid the dearth of all resources.</p> - -<p>We three lost no time in finding each other during long halts, and at -the end of the day's marching. When we were not too much worn out we -had long confabs. The strange thing was that at those times De Valpic -was the one of us who was always the most animated. He no longer -slipped away! We wanted him to spare himself, but he, apologising -for his fits of coughing, led us on in spite of ourselves, lavishly -displaying the riches of his unusual mind. Was it with a view to -diverting his thoughts, or did he realise that his enthusiasm was a -source of inspiration to us? What a marvellous conversationalist he -was! I was dumbfounded by the extent of his knowledge, the region of -his curiosity. Our discussions often turned upon the issue of the -present campaign. How great was his optimism based on facts, not on -illusions! There was no pretension about it, by the way; it was all -said in a playful friendly tone, which did not recoil on occasion -before a crude or, shall we say, military expression emphasised by his -rare smile.</p> - -<p>We expressed our opinions, flattering, or the reverse, on everyone -about us: <i>poilus</i>, N.C.O.'s, and our leaders. What intuition and -penetration De Valpic showed. How shrewdly he judged poor Henriot, for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span> -instance, who was completely demoralised, and, because he was ashamed -of it, retired into his shell, and shunned all society.</p> - -<p>"A Lorrain, and an elementary school-master!"</p> - -<p>He developed his idea, showing us that these frontier people were more -chauvinistic than us, apparently, more warlike, and more nervous. It -was they who had suffered most from the invasion in 1870, so that there -was nothing more natural than that they should flag quickly at the -arrival of a second disaster. They were always the first to suffer. -And how easy it was to get into the habit of thinking of the enemy as -insatiable and invincible, everlastingly stretching out its claws over -their territory. And again he made game of our classic education which -assuredly must temper the character by the obscure recollection it -propagates of so many traits of heroism, of so many noble passions! But -he interrupted himself, fearing to be too sweeping:</p> - -<p>"For that matter, there are heaps of first-rate fellows among these -schoolmasters!"</p> - -<p>We knew some, but not as many as he did! He quoted various names. -Hermeline in the 18th had died heroically the other day, defending the -bridge at Cléry.</p> - -<p>One evening our intercourse assumed a philosophic complexion. I amused -myself by inveigling Guillaumin into insidious discussions. He fought -hard, and appealed several times to De Valpic whose courteous decisions -struck me by their perspicuity; and also to the highmindedness they -seemed to bear witness to. And yet they must necessarily be inspired -by some moral philosophy—Which? It will be remembered that the very -sound of the word used to importunate me. Once started, I sketched -the outline of my late<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span> doctrines. I was curious to see with what -dialectics my companions would oppose those I had so often proved -irrefutable. I pressed them. I showed the logic of integral egoism, the -impossibility for man to create any duty other than his happiness.</p> - -<p>"What do you think about it, De Valpic?"</p> - -<p>He quietly remarked that moral philosophy in his eyes was one with -religion.</p> - -<p>"Which religion?"</p> - -<p>"I only know of one!"</p> - -<p>This steadfastness did not displease me. I was not ignorant of his -principles. I had seen him, the very day before, during our stay at -Hazaumont, leave us to go and see a priest and communicate. Was his -belief irrational—foolish? But at these fateful junctures, were not -certain sublime follies our only stays?</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Vc" id="CHAPTER_Vc">CHAPTER V</a></p> - -<p class="center">A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">It</span> was fortunate that we were three friends, three brothers, each less -devoted to himself than to the others. How lonely it would have been -otherwise! In billets we sometimes happened to come across friends -from other companies: Laraque, Ladmirault, or Holveck. There would be -a handshake, and a few words, no more, and then we separated. They on -their side lived for themselves. The breach between us and the other -N.C.O.'s was widening.</p> - -<p>I except Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, who, on the contrary, -sided with us. We must needs do him justice for the care and cleverness -with which he accomplished his task of commanding No. 4 platoon where -Hourcade seconded him badly, and keeping the books of the whole company -under the captain's supervision. Sturdy and square-shouldered, it was -good to see him going off with the camp material towards the end of a -long halt. He nearly always succeeded in hunting out suitable sites. -His responsibility and the country life suited him. He no doubt looked -forward to the military medal, and the sergeant-major's stripe, at the -end of this venture. Plucky under fire, and as much on the spot there -as elsewhere, he always had his men well in hand. He had been won over -by our conduct under fire. During his rare<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span> leisure moments, he would -willingly come and joke in our little group, which he dubbed "The -Bachelors' Club." The only trouble was that with him you had to drink, -drink, drink, the whole time. No drunkenness, but good hard drinking! -We refused to join him for the first few days, but he called us -molly-coddles, and almost took offence. De Valpic advised us to accept. -We took turns to treat each other, here a pint, there a glass. After -that it was a case of friendship till death, between him and us.</p> - -<p>But the Humel-Playoust "lot"! Ravelli might rightly be classed with -them now. I have spoken of the complete transformation which had been -effected in him. It was doubtful whether the <i>poilus</i> ever heard the -sound of his voice. Playoust had taken possession of him, getting -hold of him through his weaknesses, flattering his Corsican vanity, -but making a laughing-stock of him, though he was too stupid to see -it. They never left each other, and were on the most familiar terms. -These days, so fertile in surprises, had completely deranged the -sergeant-major who had always been rather shaky in the upper storey. -He saw spies everywhere—in all the old women, and priests, disguises -which had as a matter of fact been made use of. Playoust spurred him -on, for the amusement of the onlookers. The game was assuming alarming -proportions. Ravelli, at Hazaumont, went to find the commanding -officer, and handed over a list of suspects to him, which had been -drawn slyly, by the other—all the parish priests in the neighbourhood! -The captain was good-natured; he merely shook the poor sergeant-major:</p> - -<p>"I shall keep my eye on you, my lad!"</p> - -<p>Later on, on the evening of "Beauclair," Ravelli<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span> only just missed -throwing the whole division into a panic by yelling "The Uhlans!"</p> - -<p>Trouble might have come of it. There was some question of reducing him -to the ranks. His last chance of obtaining officer's rank was lost then.</p> - -<p>But in spite of it he still continued to pin all his faith to Playoust. -His ears buzzed, and he was continually asking:</p> - -<p>"Is that firing, that we hear?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly."</p> - -<p>And the wretch pointed out some fleecy clouds in the sky.</p> - -<p>"Look there. Shells bursting!"</p> - -<p>"Good heavens! Marked again!"</p> - -<p>But one thing that was not so funny was that since the sergeant-major -continued to arrange the rounds of duty, Playoust made use of his -power over him to get him to bully or favour certain men. De Valpic -as has been seen was their principal victim. But directly we got wind -of the matter, Breton warned Ravelli that we had decided to report it -to the captain. The threat was sufficient, the normal time-table was -immediately reverted to. All he gained by it was that Guillaumin, who -was sickened by it, called him and his set, Brutus! and Blackguards! -and refused point-blank to have anything to do with them in future.</p> - -<p>Yes, that's what it came to in the end.</p> - -<p>The N.C.O.'s of each company stuck together and had nothing to do with -the others. In the sinister hours of that retreat! I blush to have to -report it!</p> - -<p>Hourcade was simply an unpleasant nincompoop. His only outstanding -feature was his greed. If he had thrown in his lot with the -Humel-Playoust set, it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span> was because he considered that he was more -likely to pick up titbits there than anywhere else—a folly which -prevented him from tasting Gaufrèteau's cooking! He stuffed into his -haversack miscellaneous provisions, most of which he had shamefully -gleaned from his men's rations. His mouth was always full. In billets, -replete, not to say crammed, he quickly fell asleep and snored.</p> - -<p>As for the two elementary schoolmasters, that was a simple matter: -they hated us. Not starting from to-day or yesterday, but from several -years ago, and before that—from birth. They were envious, embittered -fellows, suffering, so De Valpic considered, from their semi-educated -state. An ambiguous caste, despising the peasant and detesting the -<i>bourgeois</i>, though we had nevertheless met and appreciated some lads -belonging to the same class at the "Peloton," who were hard-working, -intelligent, and ambitious, and had taken top places at the end of -the year. But these were vulgar and envious on a level with most of -them. Their physique was poor too. Even Descroix's strength, heavy -and squat though he was, did not come near to ours; one felt that his -blood had been impoverished and his muscles weakened by a studious -youth, infrequent exercise, and poor nourishment. I considered him -really repulsive with his flattened head, his stuck-out ears, his -gaping mouth. I disliked him for all these signs of degeneration, and -above all because of his deliberate cruelty towards the "viscount," -and the brutal laugh with which he greeted Playoust's spiteful tricks. -Humel, who was small and weakly, with a thin neck and bowed shoulders, -and was always exhausted at the end of a day's march, inspired me -with more indulgence. Was he not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span> the youngest of us since Frémont -had disappeared? Once or twice I thought I saw a look of gentleness -flit across his face, an expression which always attracts me. I had -occasionally made certain advances. In vain. A fanatical disciple of -his companions, he was not the least quick of them in administering -offensive rebuffs.</p> - -<p>Playoust had them all under his thumb. He was certainly smart, the -rascal! I had been finely taken in at first by his look of a Paris -street-urchin. He worked his open-handed, happy-go-lucky appearance, -which makes the type so attractive, for all it was worth. And all the -time he was as slippery and vicious as he could be. He hardly ever -risked anything more than a casual piece of insolence on us, and he was -the only one of the lot who continued to say good-day to us or to shake -our hands, while, privately, he never ceased to stir up his acolytes -against us. It must be noted too that he made game of them, cynically -letting them in for endless fatigues. I bore him all the more ill-will -for it, because, for a long time, I had thought I recognised a kindred -spirit in him. Nothing had awakened in him—a proof that there was -nothing lying dormant in him. What a hideous vision he afforded me of -what I might have been.</p> - -<p>Let there be no mistake about it. What annoyed us most about them all -was the sight of their flabbiness and slackness. Since Spincourt they -had chucked the whole show and were continually saying that they didn't -care a blow what happened!</p> - -<p>Their corporals were decent fellows and partially succeeded in making -up for their deficiencies. Their men were no worse than most. But in -spite of it their lack of authority came nigh to being disastrous -on several occasions. To begin with, it was an admitted fact<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span> that -in their platoon they might get drunk with impunity. I remember the -stink of wine and vomiting which rose from the stables where their -men were billeted. How could De Valpic's have escaped the infection? -Ravelli, who had been put up to it by the others, was always down on -him. Playoust was charmed when the soldiers and the inhabitants were -at loggerheads with each other. He tacitly encouraged the foraging and -marauding that went on. Some of his <i>poilus</i> were mixed up in the rows -at Béthaincourt.</p> - -<p>Here is another occurrence which will serve to illustrate the different -attitudes of mind. One grilling afternoon when we were passing the -train of company waggons, the captain took it upon himself to give the -most exhausted men permission to put their packs in the waggons. Our -men were too proud. Their packs! They were quite capable of carrying -them themselves, thanks! In the first platoon the N.C.O.'s were the -first to unballast themselves; first, ten, then fifteen, then thirty of -the men copied them. When that waggon was full, what should these fine -gentlemen do, but set to work calmly to fill the next one that came -along, which belonged to No. 20 company. The commanding officer, when -he heard about it, came rushing up, inquired into the matter, bellowed -like a bull and cancelled the permission. Our men chuckled over the -occurrence. The others were furious: He'd better not bully them! Get -away with him. They were fed up!</p> - -<p>As the retirement went on the "set" kept up a stream of grumbles. The -marches were too long. Poor reservists, we were being killed! Why -did we halt so far from any well? Was it true that all the filth was -thrown into them? Why was our company<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span> always given the most disgusting -quarters? It was not surprising! Our captain didn't get on with any -one! Who had to pay? We of course! And the baksheesh? Who got the -baksheesh? As there wasn't even a ration of brandy every day.</p> - -<p>After "Beauclair" things got even worse. We only caught scraps of -their declamations because they put on the soft pedal when they -saw us coming, just as they did with the officers. Playoust among -others was particularly good at posing as an excellent fellow who was -never put out by anything. But out of the reach of "tell-tales" and -"busy-bodies," their evil tongues wagged busily.</p> - -<p>It was sickening! they declared. The commanding officers were the -outside limit! According to them our brigadier-general, an old -Colonial, drank. The colonel was the kind of man to get us all hacked -to pieces for the sake of keeping up his reputation for bravery. They -gave us to understand they were delighted to see him wounded, and -they would have been even more so if he had not been replaced by that -old "dug-out." For that matter, you only need look at the result in -order to see what our leaders were! Hopeless! If we weren't done for -we deserved to be. Marches and counter-marches, bad management. We -could hold the Bosches when we got them to grips. There was nothing to -beat a French soldier! But as for preparation. Blimey! The slackers -who had to look after that! Descroix cast up his eyes, swearing that -those responsible would be found among the old ministers and present -deputies. He foretold retaliation in the shape of lawsuits, or riots. -Why was there such a lack of heavy artillery, of machine-guns, of -searchlight apparatus, and armoured cars? Why<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span> did we see nothing of -the aeroplanes whose praises we had had drummed into our ears for years?</p> - -<p>We were getting near to all the senseless recriminations of 1870. But -they were not quite so serious this time, in spite of everything. They -did not accuse Poincaré of having been bribed, or Joffre of being a -traitor. They did not even go so far as to say that this war was absurd -or unjust. We had to defend ourselves, after all! The most bitter -complaints were of incompetence, and of the lack of foresight. Enough -to be demoralising!</p> - -<p>They made tremendous fun of Ravelli and his fears, which they shared at -the bottom. Especially the spies! They passed on their superstitious -terror to their men. There could be nothing more depressing for them -than to feel they were surrounded by a vague throng of enemies. It -was like asking for hysterics. I remember how on the morning we were -guarding part of the Meuse, a group of refugees from Montmédy came up, -a family of five, including two children who implored us to help them -across. They were fortunate in finding us. We showed them a ford and -had them taken to the C.O. A little farther up the poor wretches had -come across some men out of Playoust's platoon, who had insulted them -and threatened to shoot them.</p> - -<p>And then there were the false reports, the pseudo-news, invented or -rumoured, but always bad: Italy entering the lists against us, or -England's dilatoriness. We should have to pay damages! Or else, one way -of getting out of it would be to leave our friends, the Russians, in -the lurch. Not a thing to boast about, perhaps! But it would cut short -this war, and they were fed up with it!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span></p> - -<p>I am not exaggerating. They descended to these depths of ignominy. They -were more at ease with De Valpic who slept with them, and he reported -similar conversations. It did not do to attach too much importance to -it. There was probably a good deal of "side" about it. They were so -jealous of us. Or perhaps they thought it fine to pose, on their side, -as people who were not to be humbugged, or again it might be simply the -inconsequence of men who did not quite realise the situation, or the -meaning of their words. Each of them egged the others on.</p> - -<p>And to think—De Valpic inclined to the idea—that they were without -doubt excellent Frenchmen, who, when it came to getting killed, would -do the thing in style!</p> - -<p>In any case nothing exasperated Guillaumin like their attitude. He -announced his intention of going to the C.O. to get him to put an end -to the scandal, at least twenty times. We restrained him, being opposed -to all tale-telling. We endeavoured to prove to him that their wild -talk had no effect. Playoust had had the reputation of being a wag ever -since the beginning. None of the men would take his nonsense seriously.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin did not give in:</p> - -<p>"You'll see!" he said. "You don't realise that all that eats away and -undermines.... It is bound to show itself in time!"</p> - -<p>It was true enough! What a difference there was in the morale of the -two platoons.</p> - -<p>In ours, for instance, nobody ever reported sick unless he was -suffering tortures. They made it a point of personal pride. In theirs, -on the contrary! One morning, Guillaumin, who was sergeant of the day, -had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span> put down eight men for medical parade. A mere trifle! He calmly -undertook to cure them all by suggestion. His chief argument was that -they would have to foot it for about five and a half miles, to reach -the Medical Officer. Five of the men had their names scratched; the -rest stuck to it. It happened to be one of Bouchut's bad days and he -sent them all off with a flea in their ear.</p> - -<p>And when we stormed Beauclair, what a tragic exhibition they gave of -themselves. When we left the wood in extended order, ready to charge, -we looked round for No. 1 platoon, which was to support us on our -right. Not a sign of it to be seen. It made a cruel impression on -us just as we were starting off with fixed bayonets. At last we saw -Lieutenant Delafosse come out leading a handful of men, among them De -Valpic and his half-section. Behind, a long way behind, was Humel. We -charged and saw no more of them. In the uproar which followed upon the -occupation of the village, the incident passed more or less unnoticed. -But we learnt that the C.O. had rated Delafosse for it roundly. The -latter, throwing off his reserve, frankly laid the blame on some of his -N.C.O.'s who lacked go.... That was putting the case very mildly! De -Valpic assured me that he had heard Descroix putting the drag on his -men's eagerness. "Don't hurry lads! The first lot will be napoohed!"</p> - -<p>Here again no penalties were inflicted; they would have been too -terrible. The well-known sentence for every weakness in military law -is: <i>DEATH</i>.</p> - -<p>This leniency was perhaps to be blamed. Who can say what an ill-omened -influence our comrades exercised during the days that followed? It -was the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span> most gloomy period of all. We abandoned first-rate positions -without fighting. It was impossible to rely on any favourable -information, however slight. Rumours circulated, and were added to, -concerning our reverse in the North. The replenishment of munitions -which had up till then been well-organised was failing. We were, as I -have said, repeatedly in danger of being cut off, or of getting under -fire from the pursuing batteries. Villages blazed behind us, or even -on our flank—a palpable danger for our retreat. The ditches too were -filled with soldiers, belonging chiefly to the regulars. Who could -blame them for it? Boys of twenty, worn out by four weeks' overdriving, -sleeping there, by the roadsides, for days and nights on end.</p> - -<p>It was a bad example though. The temptation to copy them was so great. -There were no more mounted police on the heels of the stragglers. Even -they were fighting, so we were told.</p> - -<p>That was how our numbers dwindled. We had realised the danger, and our -efforts were combined in preventing any men from staying behind. We -kept on urging them: "Come along now! Only a few miles more. You surely -don't want to fall into the hands of the Huns!" And we laid to their -charge abominable atrocities surpassed by reality.</p> - -<p>At last we reached our goal. We lost only five men out of the platoon -during that week, two of whom were ill, and two wounded. What leakage -there was in No. 1 company! We got the exact figures from the -quartermaster-sergeant, who had to draw up the numerical returns each -evening. Breton stormed, excellent fellow that he was!</p> - -<p>"Hang it all! <i>Poilus</i> are too precious to lose!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span></p> - -<p>One evening in Descroix's platoon only twenty-nine men were left, out -of thirty-five the day before, and Breton cynically sneered: "Six more -done a bunk!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIc" id="CHAPTER_VIc">CHAPTER VI</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE POILUS</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Yes</span>, Guillaumin had been quite right! Ever since we had rejoined at -F—— his one care had been the morale of the men! On that, indeed, -depended the fate of the country, united with that of the present -campaign. And this morale, in its turn, depended partly on us, in view -of our responsibility.</p> - -<p>A task which was quite new to me. I have said how, at our departure, -I could not conceive myself taking an interest in these dolts. Yes! -But had I not felt them quiver as they marched at my side through the -horror of the fire? The praise surprised on their lips that evening had -made my heart beat—reciprocal esteem—and I had dreamt of something -more.</p> - -<p>During the long parches I took steps to get into touch with them, to -overcome their shyness, the remains of their distrust. I was not afraid -of showing a few of them what was in my heart. One of these was Icard, -the miller, a steady, quiet fellow, whose good sense had struck me on -several occasions. Under the present circumstances, the footing we were -usually on, I said, was not enough. Complete harmony of mind and heart -between us all seemed to me necessary for our common safety.</p> - -<p>"We're fond enough of you, already, sergeant!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span></p> - -<p>I smiled.</p> - -<p>"Fonder than you were at the beginning?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, then we weren't exactly struck on you."</p> - -<p>I think he was speaking at his comrades. Their instinct must have made -them realise my friendly intentions. They quickly became more familiar -and expansive. The last barrier had fallen.</p> - -<p>I again appreciated Guillaumin's perspicuity. According to him these -people dreaded betraying whatever tenderness and delicacy was aroused -in them, by putting it into words. They were shy of talking about -themselves, and expanded more willingly on a thousand and one abstract -subjects. I had resigned myself to listening to an endless flow of -words and pointless tales. They were flattered by my attention, and I -was surprised to find them ten times less childish and narrow in their -talk than many drawing-room conversationalists. It was the taste, -innate in the French, for discussion and reasoning. Penetration and -logic are ordinary qualities in them. Icard laid before me his views -on the questions which impassioned him: agricultural economy, modern -implements, the introduction of new crops, the causes and consequences -of the population of the country districts, the remedies to be applied -to it—all problems of vital importance to the nation. I who claimed to -be so eclectic had to blush for myself because I had never considered -them.</p> - -<p>With him, and with some of the others, I took a delight in broaching -the subject of socialistic doctrines. We were at one in our premises. -Starting from that point I used to get them to talk, curious to see how -much electioneering patter they had retained. More than mere words, -in any case! Some of them were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span> imbued with the party point of view. -Each of them, for that matter, followed wherever his temperament led -him. Prunelle, the jeweller, favoured the view that the state should -interfere as little as possible with individual enterprise. Icard, for -his part, was a staunch advocate of a sort of dominant collectivism: -of the most perfect organisation of society, down to the very smallest -details, by its chosen representatives. He said to me:</p> - -<p>"Look at the Bosches. They have it in a sense. That's what constitutes -their strength. It's sad to think the poor brutes have to work for the -King of Prussia!"</p> - -<p>I tried, too, to probe their inmost convictions. Were they really keen -about this struggle which would determine the future of their race?</p> - -<p>It did not take long to convince me of it. Their patriotism was not an -abstract quality: it was more than that—a tradition, almost a physical -need. A free France was just as vital to them as eating or breathing. -I had the opportunity of admiring the moral unity accomplished by the -work of centuries of history. The Prussians had done these Beaucerons -a personal injury in violating the distant Eastern frontier. No peace -for them before these brigands had been sent back to where they came -from! The question of Alsace-Lorraine affected them in a lesser degree. -It was a long way off—almost an accomplished fact! But nevertheless it -must be won back, if only as a matter of personal pride, for "swank"!</p> - -<p>Their memory of the other war had not been at all obliterated, as -I should have expected it to be. Most of them had heard from their -parents what vexations and devastations their province had had to -endure<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span> in those bygone days. They had before their eyes the ravages of -the present war. Hang it all! If only the Bosches did not advance too -far! We mustn't be beaten again.</p> - -<p>And then as Corporal Bouguet very neatly expressed it, considering -how long we had been pestered by having to put in two or three years' -military service, we should be dolts not to give them a good thrashing -once and for all, for the sake of gaining a quiet life!</p> - -<p>Their spirit in fact was marvellous. It must not be forgotten that we -were still retreating! There was never a sign of real discouragement. -It was sometimes upsetting, certainly, to leave superb positions -without firing a single shot. But if it must be! If, as was still -rumoured, it was for tactical reasons to lead the enemy into a trap! -The fantastic exploits attributed to the artillery still continued -to fire our imagination. Once or twice we met convoys of prisoners. -Halloa! Things must be on the mend! And then, why attempt to give any -explanation? Things went well, because they went well. Even in the -first platoon there was never any serious trouble, the bad seed did -not bear. There was nothing worse than a little slackness, rather less -energy.</p> - -<p>There was plenty of marching. Yes, but nothing dismal about it most of -the time, especially when we thought we were getting near to the enemy -when there would be a volley of witticisms:</p> - -<p>"Halloa! Trichet!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "I suppose you think -Prunelle's sight too good, and that's why you're sticking your gun into -his eye?"</p> - -<p>They laughed; the jeweller was short-sighted and wore glasses.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span></p> - -<p>The men were generally allowed to sing. When I saw they were beginning -to flag, I shouted:</p> - -<p>"Strike up, Bouguet! Let's have one of your songs."</p> - -<p>"Which shall it be, Sergeant?"</p> - -<p>The corporal who was the songster of the platoon turned to me gaily. We -were on excellent terms now.</p> - -<p>Voices were raised demanding:</p> - -<p>"<i>The Ace of Diamonds!</i>"</p> - -<p>"<i>The Miller's Wife!</i>"</p> - -<p>The corporal struck up.</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 35%;">"Miller, miller, she betrays you!..."</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>They exploded, nudging each other, and nodding in Icard's direction who -was the first to appreciate the joke.</p> - -<p>Or else it was the <i>Crocodiles</i>, doggerel brought into fashion by -Lamalou, and which they never tired of:</p> - -<p style="margin-left: 35%;"> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">A crocodile—on going off to war</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Said "Good-bye, Kids"—but not for evermore.</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">His great tail—looking very elegant</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">He started off—to fight the elephant!...</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>Then the refrain!</p> - -<p>Everyone joined in the chorus.</p> - -<p style="margin-left: 35%;"> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Oh the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-co-di-iles,</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">All along the Nile! They have vanished, we'll say no more!</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>Childish songs, with a good swing to them. Fatigue was forgotten. Mile -followed mile in the heat and dust. A refrain of that kind swept right -along the column. While we drew breath, snatches of couplets reached us -from the distance.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Like nothin' on earth, those caterwaulers!" Judsi exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Oh, that Judsi! What a type he was! The incarnation, the flower of -the race. In each platoon of France's army, from end to end of the -campaign, I bet there was a Judsi. A street-urchin, from Paris or -elsewhere.... An apache yesterday, perhaps—it was quite possible—but -ennobled to-day by circumstances!</p> - -<p>He was an admirable source of good-humour. Made to cheer up the others. -He chatted without ceasing for hours and hours at a time, accumulating -eccentricities of mimicry and expression. Nothing pleased him so much -as to see that we were listening. That was the time when we played up -hardest. I swear that by the unexpectedness of his sallies and the -inflections of his hoarse voice, he often attained a pitch of drollery -which was quite priceless. His slightest absurdities gave rise to fits -of hilarious gaiety. The men pressed round him, as if on parade. It -even interfered with the marching order. What should he do but organise -relays! Every quarter of an hour, he said to his neighbours:</p> - -<p>"'Ook it lads! Send some other pals along now, an' we'll see if I can't -raise a smile out of 'em."</p> - -<p>They gave up their places without any sour looks.</p> - -<p>"Ain't 'e a caution!"</p> - -<p>"Fit to make yer split, the blighter!"</p> - -<p>He was never in better form than when we were in the tightest places, -when all the others were down in the dumps. On the "Beauclair" evening, -when we had to retire, he was worth seeing as he went off shouldering -his rifle, with a Uhlan's helmet, picked up in some house, in his hand, -and the air of a gentleman who had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span> just put an end to the war in the -most brilliant style, and was on his way home where his little wife was -waiting to welcome him with open arms! Or again on the next day.... A -hail of shells, which was beginning, had just set fire to a little bit -of a house. He asked the cook's permission to make the coffee, carried -off the camp kettle, collected some brands from the beams, and boiled -the water on them at the window. The shower of the "Black Marias" -continued. It was a miracle that he was not killed. But his luck, our -luck, held.</p> - -<p>What endless queer characters there were! Lamalou, Bouguet, Gaudéreaux. -We've seen them all at work—one might go on naming them indefinitely. -And Bouillon!</p> - -<p>He had come one morning to ask my advice as to how to send money orders.</p> - -<p>I had taken it as a joke:</p> - -<p>"Send them, my dear fellow? This is more the sort of time to receive -them!"</p> - -<p>"It's for Marie," he said, "who's stayed behind with the kid!"</p> - -<p>"Your kid?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know about that!"</p> - -<p>He explained that he had lived with a girl, a rag-gatherer like -himself. They had struck up acquaintance when plying their hooks, and -made love across the dust-bins—and they had come to an understanding. -So far, so good. But then at the end of eight months—eight months -exactly, that was the annoying part!—Marie had gone to Boucicaut for -the birth of her child, a little duck, as pretty as could be! The point -was not so much to find out who its father was, as to rear the little -brat! It used to be quite a paying job—<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span>but then the great Trafalgar -had come, and Blimey! ever since then there hadn't been none too much -to be scratched up out o' them dust-bins—so he thought that as he had -a bit o' cash he'd better send some to Marie, if it weren't more'n ten -francs.</p> - -<p>I realised that he must be economising out of the little tips he -got from me. I was much touched by his story, and promised to make -inquiries.</p> - -<p>The matter would depend on the baggage-master. He did not put in an -appearance just then. Bouillon asked me about the matter again. I -mentioned it casually to Henriot who sent me to the captain. He greeted -me affably, and I laid the matter before him. He called me back. He had -learnt, he said, of my brother's death, and he expressed his sympathy -for me. He added that he had watched me at work. "I'm glad to see -you've been making yourself useful."</p> - -<p>As for the money order, he undertook to see that it got to its -destination, solemnly took the girl's address, and handed me a receipt.</p> - -<p>When he got it, Bouillon turned it over and over, and asked me what it -meant.</p> - -<p>The little sum had been doubled by me and doubled again by the captain.</p> - -<p>His tanned face contracted; and tears glistened in the corners of his -big eyes. He stammered in his effort to thank me.</p> - -<p>"Oh! R-r-rooky!"</p> - -<p>I gave him a smack on the shoulder, and told him—and how sincerely I -meant it—that we owed him a hundred times more!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIc" id="CHAPTER_VIIc">CHAPTER VII</a></p> - -<p class="center">SOCIALISM</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Useful</span>! I was making myself useful! The captain's words rang in my ears.</p> - -<p>I remembered how I had wondered quite lately what use my life was, -and who in the world would have suffered by it, or missed me if I had -disappeared. Instead of which I filled a place well, to-day. My death -would have been a loss. I certainly exaggerated the importance of my -rôle, but the satisfaction each evening of having kept intact or added -to the strength which was given to me, was so sweet to me.</p> - -<p>It did me more credit, perhaps, than some of the others. I had always -professed not only a lack of curiosity about all manual labour, but a -disgust of it. It was the stupidity of a young intellectual inclined to -consider everything which did not show off the superior play of thought -as a vulgar task. Who would dream how far I carried this detachment? -The farthest I ever got, towards the end of my term of service, was to -do up the buckles of my pack,—Guillaumin always had to help me. I had -begun to realise during the last few days what grandeur may lie in the -fulfilment of humble duties. A leader of men, especially in the modest -sphere in which I gravitated owing to my lowly rank, has no right to -shirk any subjection. He does not get into touch with his subordinates, -or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span> inspire them with complete esteem and confidence, unless he -succeeds in proving to them that even in the field of everyday tasks, -he is cleverer, better informed, and more expert than they are. The -complete man calmly considers all the difficulties which may arise, -from the most trivial to the most serious, and being unworthy of none -of them, considers none of them unworthy of him.</p> - -<p>So I no longer avoided, but rather sought, occasions to expend myself. -I followed Guillaumin's example, and drew on all I had read and -remembered. To speak the truth, when I tried, inexperienced as I was, -to put my ideas into practice, my advice was not very much to the point.</p> - -<p>Bouillon doubled up with laughter when I told him to damp the case -of his water-bottle, or again when we got to our quarters that rainy -evening and I advised him to stuff his boots with dry straw.</p> - -<p>"Go an' teach yer grandfather! Just take a look at yours, an' see if I -'aven't done it!"</p> - -<p>The last of my <i>poilus</i> could have put me right on endless questions of -a practical nature. Quite so! But I could be useful to them in other -ways. Once when arms were being cleaned, Gaudéreaux had seen fit to -take his repeating apparatus to pieces, and came to grief over putting -it together again. He called me to his aid. It was a difficult problem. -Guillaumin certainly offered me his help, but I refused it, anxious to -find out how to do it myself. It took me a long time, but I succeeded -at last, which was satisfactory.</p> - -<p>There was a large field open to me. I had retained the knowledge I -had acquired as an instructor of recruits. It was not a question of -worrying the men with theories, but they willingly collected to have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span> -friendly chats, and ended by enjoying the séances, where one evening, -after having explained the principles of orientation to them, I taught -them how to recognise the Great Bear and the Polar Star. On other days -we went into other matters: to do with the advance under fire, of the -artillery and infantry (we knew all about that!), of the supply of -ammunition and the commissariat; or of subjects vaster still—Germany's -ambitions, and the causes of the present war. When we were marching we -organised competitions in judging distances. We picked out a tree or a -house, and then each one had to calculate how many steps he expected -to take, and count them afterwards to see how far out he was. Lamalou -proved to be extraordinarily gifted in this respect. He was never more -than twenty yards out. We would find a way of making use of that.</p> - -<p>After a few tentative ventures, I found my bent. I had always been -interested in medicine. A handbook on hygiene, which De Valpic lent me, -completed my sketchy equipment. The next thing to be done was to put -it into practice. The soldiers suffered chiefly, as usual, from sore -feet—a crop of blisters and sores. I preached cleanliness first, and -methodical greasing. But the sore places, some of which were septic, -must be cured. Most of the men seemed entirely ignorant of how to treat -a blister. Guillaumin and I arranged a demonstration one evening with -great success. Once having won their confidence, we treated them for -various little ills—diluted tincture of iodine did wonders.</p> - -<p>One great danger was the water, which caused a great deal of -diarrhœa. It was not always possible to boil the contents of our -water-bottles. I had some<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span> permanganate of potash; a few crystals -placed in the water-buckets assured a relative sterilisation. Our -platoon made it a point of honour to have as few men as possible at -sick parade. We only had two in a week. Trichet, who sprained his -ankle, wept with rage at leaving us.</p> - -<p>My little cures were appreciated. Men came to ask my advice now, even -from No. 1 platoon. I had some idea of massage and set up a surgery. -The men appealed to me in doubtful cases. One evening, I remember, the -party sent on ahead to choose the camp had picked some mushrooms on the -way. Breton insisted on their waiting for me. I really was not very -well up in the matter. However, I did not quite like the look of the -valvular formation at the base, and ordered them to throw them away. -They obeyed without protesting. I learnt shortly afterwards from De -Valpic, that it had saved a good many lives.</p> - -<p>How much joy I got out of my disinterested efforts! Not only that of -useful labour accomplished. The incessant contact, our conversations, -the services rendered mutually, made me fonder of each of my companions -every day. I was getting into touch with the people again. I no longer -considered, as I used to, that it would satisfy me to live in the bosom -of a restricted caste of beings brought up in the same way as I had -been. I suddenly once more became aware of the ascendency of certain -doctrines.</p> - -<p>Social morality had always seemed to be a poor morality for those on -the right side of the barrier, as I was. Now I realised my mistake. -There should be neither oppressors nor oppressed, neither dominators -nor dominated,—alliance and not confusion of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span> the different social -classes. "Each for all and all for each," as the old saying is. Were we -not all co-operating with the same heart in the same work? If between -these soldiers and me there was a dissimilarity in education and -disposition, if I, at their head, was exempt from the most thankless -fatigues, did that prevent reciprocal collaboration and esteem, or stop -any one being satisfied with their fate? No, no. Prunelle agreed; the -chief thing was that each class should know the other, then it would -not be long before they appreciated each other, and recognised each -other as brothers, and not such very different brothers either!</p> - -<p>This idea, in particular, clung to me. Disparities due to education -and upbringing, to the style of life, are, to a certain extent, -exterior. How little they count for in comparison with the tongue, -the customs, and disposition which are shared in common by the sons -of one nation and which draw them together. Between the people and -the aristocracy the difference is simply that which exists between -youth and ripe middle age. The people are like a young and lusty lad, -who only asks to be allowed to grow! What were the common sense of an -Icard, the animation of a Judsi, the self-denial of a Bouillon, if not -the deep-rooted qualities of our soil and race? There is enjoyment in -breathing them, when one also exhales them!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_VIIIc" id="CHAPTER_VIIIc">CHAPTER VIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">A TEMPTATION</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">How</span> tired we were that evening. Really absolutely done. We had been -marching for twenty-four hours, almost without a halt. We were -wandering in the middle of Argonne in that part of the Chalade, and the -Four de Paris which were to be mentioned so often in the <i>communiqués</i> -later on. The worst of it was that we had nothing to eat, except the -remains of some bread crumbling at the bottom of our haversacks. -We regretted having wasted the biscuits with which we had been so -liberally provided two days before.</p> - -<p>There was a prolonged halt in the forest. At one time we caught sight -of two motor-buses which cut across, following a transverse roadway. -Our rations? We took it for granted and rejoined accordingly. But -perhaps the conductors had not seen us. Several minutes went by. The -commanding officer blew his whistle, and off we had to go again! -Another march on an empty stomach!</p> - -<p>A blast of recriminations blew from No. 1 platoon. They could put up -with being knocked on the head, but at least give them something to -eat. They were being cut down every day now. Yesterday there was no -meat! Without rot, there was nothing more to be done but to "get down" -to it. A snooze is as good as a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span> meal. It would only mean that a few -would be taken.</p> - -<p>They went on all the same. There was not a murmur among our men. Judsi -still tried to cheer up his companions, but they weren't in the mood -for it. Bouguet struck up with a song, but they joined in the refrain -only once. He couldn't sing on an empty stomach either. And the rain -began, heavy rain which soaked us through to the skin in a very few -minutes.</p> - -<p>"Rotten luck!" Gaudéreaux jerked out.</p> - -<p>We went on without a halt, through the downpour, against the wind. -We were on a by-road which soon got spoilt and broken. We slithered -through the slush. Gusts of wind beat against us, water was dripping -down our backs, freezing the sweat on our skins. That lasted for -another two hours. A dozen miles or so without a pause. No one -protested, each step must be bringing us nearer to shelter. There was -only one question we asked ourselves, in an agony of mind: Should we -get anything to eat?</p> - -<p>At last they stopped us, two companies of us, in front of a farm. The -rest of the battalion went on. The buildings already sheltered some -gunners—four batteries of them. I remember their greeting which was -anything but cordial. Oh, we were the last straw! As if they weren't -packed like sardines already! Dirty foot-sloggers too! (I have already -mentioned the antagonism between the different troops which was -exasperated at such times.)</p> - -<p>Our quartermasters quarrelled. But the first comers blocked up the -coach-houses, their officers backed them up, the commanding officer had -quite rightly reserved the only bed for himself. We stood in the yard -for a long time, haggard and numb<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span> with cold. We were finally penned in -the stables—piggeries, in an indescribable state of filth, and reeking -pestilentially. Someone went to get straw—a handful per man! We could -have put up with everything if only we could have got a bite. But it -was getting dark, and in this weather all hopes of the ration train -hunting us out were dwindling. The gunners had hastened to lay hands -on anything that the farm would produce in the way of eatables, bread, -milk, eggs, a real raid. They finished swallowing these provisions -under our very noses.</p> - -<p>I can see us in that filthy stable. De Valpic had just lain down -alongside the wall. He was worn out, and wanted to sleep, but the fits -of coughing which shook him made him reopen his eyes. He was shivering. -We all had faces mottled by exhaustion and starvation. Lamalou suddenly -got up with an oath:</p> - -<p>"Oh d——!"</p> - -<p>There was a crack in the roof, from which drops were falling. A stream -of water was soon trickling down.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin came back. He had been to have a look at No. 1 platoon. -There was schism in the Playoust "set." Hourcade and Descroix, it -seemed, were still in possession of some "ruti" and a cheese. Descroix -resigned himself to sharing it and favoured Playoust, but Hourcade -turned a deaf ear. Little Humel would get nothing out of him—or the -sergeant-major either. They neither of them demanded it, though they -were both deadly white and worn out.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin winked:</p> - -<p>"If only we could find some way! I say, are you frightfully done up, to -begin with?"</p> - -<p>"Fit as a fiddle, I don't think! Why?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Look here."</p> - -<p>He confided in me that he had interviewed the farmer's wife. There was -not a village anywhere near, the nearest was nine miles away, and had -been crammed with troops for the last week.</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"But there was another farm much nearer, a rich one, quite hidden in -the woods. Suppose we went to see?"</p> - -<p>I raised some objections, for form's sake, but the adventure attracted -me. A word to Bouillon. He at once wanted to join us. We told no one -else; permission and success were equally uncertain. So we started off. -It was getting dark. What a road it was! The mud was eighteen inches -thick in places. Torrents of rain still, and the gloom was deepening. -To begin with we forced ourselves to look where we were putting our -feet, but we gave it up as a bad job. Squidge, splosh! We stoically -followed in Guillaumin's tracks. We sank in half-way up to our knees, -and came near to losing our balance or getting stuck.</p> - -<p>When we had walked for three quarters of an hour, Guillaumin began to -get worried. Half a mile the woman had told him.</p> - -<p>We were lost? We thought of retracing our steps when he bumped against -a gate in the dark.</p> - -<p>"Ow! As if my nose wasn't thick enough without that!"</p> - -<p>We began to make out the outlines of an obstruction. But everything -seemed to be shut up. No light. We went to knock at the door. Not a -sound. We knocked louder.</p> - -<p>"Done!" I said.</p> - -<p>"We'll soon see!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin raised his voice:</p> - -<p>"Two petards of melinite to blow up your house!"</p> - -<p>A few seconds passed. Then a window squeaked.</p> - -<p>"Who's there?"</p> - -<p>"France."</p> - -<p>"What do you mean? France."</p> - -<p>"France, that's quite enough."</p> - -<p>"Wot d'you want?"</p> - -<p>"Someone to open the door to us."</p> - -<p>"We 'aven't got nothing."</p> - -<p>"That's a fine story!"</p> - -<p>"An wot abaht the Proosians?"</p> - -<p>"Will you let us in, confound you!"</p> - -<p>The man appeared to be frightened, and muttered: "'Arf a mo' till I -gits into me breeches."</p> - -<p>He came and undid the bolts.... A bent old peasant, carrying a candle -in his hand.</p> - -<p>"'Ello, on'y three of you! Might 'a bin fifty by the shindy you kicked -up!"</p> - -<p>He seemed to me to regret having given in so easily. We went into a low -room.</p> - -<p>"Well now," said Guillaumin, "What can you give us to eat?"</p> - -<p>The old peasant looked us up and down. I could read in his face the -mistrust and avarice of bad breeds.</p> - -<p>"'Aven't I told you there's nothin'?"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin shrugged his shoulders.</p> - -<p>"What do you live on? Air?"</p> - -<p>We certainly looked like marauders. I interfered to reassure the man.</p> - -<p>"We'll pay you all right!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin whispered:</p> - -<p>"Don't know so much about that."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span></p> - -<p>I had my own idea. I opened my purse to show the silver and gold in it.</p> - -<p>The old fellow considered me. He looked from my hands to my eyes where -he tried to read my intentions.</p> - -<p>"For you three?"</p> - -<p>"For us, to begin with."</p> - -<p>"Hm! Would an omelette do you?"</p> - -<p>"With some ham?"</p> - -<p>He would see.</p> - -<p>We sat down at the table. The man went to call at an inside door.</p> - -<p>"Louise!"</p> - -<p>A young country girl appeared, with a hypo-critical expression and -heavy features. She lacked real grace, but was built on a generous -scale, her waist well-marked, and her bosom firm beneath the dress -which she had popped on hurriedly.</p> - -<p>"My eye!" murmured Bouillon.</p> - -<p>The old man said a few words in patois and the girl knelt down in front -of the grate and began to work a bellows. It was not long before some -flames sprang from the dying embers. In a hand's turn she had laid the -table for us. Five minutes later a frothy golden omelette was dished up -for us.</p> - -<p>We had never been so ravenous. We simply guzzled. We had taken off our -great coats, which were stiff with rain. When his first pangs were -assuaged, Guillaumin began to cheer up.</p> - -<p>"A pretty good idea of mine, what?"</p> - -<p>With a glance at the girl I made some joke under my breath, about the -servant girl being, perhaps, the old man's mistress.</p> - -<p>Bouillon was eating too gluttonously to take a part<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span> in the -conversation, but he laughed continually for no reason at all, pouring -down bumpers of some rather poor wine which the old man had brought -us with many sour looks. His face was turning purple, his dog's eyes -glistened. How I loved him, taking his share of our animal contentment.</p> - -<p>The peasant seated at the end of the room had lit a pipe and was -watching us out of the corner of his eye.</p> - -<p>"It's stupid to pay!" repeated Guillaumin. "Let's give him an I O U."</p> - -<p>His funds must have been coming to an end.</p> - -<p>"Don't worry! This is my show!" I said.</p> - -<p>In order to avoid any trouble, I had made up my mind to pay whatever -the old fellow claimed.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin ventured to suggest:</p> - -<p>"I say we ought to take something back to De Valpic."</p> - -<p>"And to our <i>poilus</i>!"</p> - -<p>I called the old man, who got up slowly and came to us looking rather -anxious but crafty too.</p> - -<p>"And now what about something for our pals?"</p> - -<p>"They ain't comin', are they?"</p> - -<p>"That depends."</p> - -<p>"Wot does it depend on?"</p> - -<p>"Upon what you give us for them."</p> - -<p>This seemed to upset him. He sniffed and stopped talking.</p> - -<p>"When I say give," I corrected myself, "I mean sell."</p> - -<p>"'Ow many of 'em is there?"</p> - -<p>"About forty."</p> - -<p>The peasant threw up his arms like a clockwork figure.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Forty. Jokin', ain't you? Now if it 'ad a' bin five or six, p'raps we -might 'a managed some'ow!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin rapped on the table, and assumed a threatening air, which -was rendered even more grotesque and terrifying by his great nose.</p> - -<p>"You'd better take care we don't bring them along! I've an idea they'd -manage to find something!"</p> - -<p>The old man's face hardened. I again intervened.</p> - -<p>"I tell you we'll pay. Now tell me the price of a chicken."</p> - -<p>"Ain't got none!"</p> - -<p>"What, not in your cellar?"</p> - -<p>"Ain't got none."</p> - -<p>"Will you take ten francs apiece?"</p> - -<p>"Ten francs?"</p> - -<p>He rubbed his hands.</p> - -<p>"That's talkin',' that is!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Five francs, not a halfpenny more. It's pure robbery!"</p> - -<p>I continued:</p> - -<p>"I should want several!"</p> - -<p>"How many?"</p> - -<p>I looked at the others interrogatively.</p> - -<p>"Eight or ten—a dozen if you've got them!"</p> - -<p>"A dozen chickens at ten francs? That's a hundred and twenty francs?"</p> - -<p>"Yes."</p> - -<p>"I'll just have a look, but I won't promise nothing!" he said as he -went off.</p> - -<p>When he had gone out, without bothering about the girl who was leaning -against the chimney-piece, and watching us slyly, Guillaumin slated -me. Ten francs apiece. He never heard of such a thing. Was I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span> crazy? A -hundred and twenty francs! No. It couldn't be allowed. I should want -the cash some day or other. I didn't realise.... The old chap was -sickening. It would serve him right if we cleared him out of everything -and left him an order payable at the end of the war. So that was -settled? What?</p> - -<p>But I shook my head, and stuck to it. I had spent a relatively -infinitesimal sum up till now. The chance was too tempting!</p> - -<p>The peasant reappeared. He brought the poultry back with him, tied -by their legs. They were squalling hard and were certainly very fine -birds. His forehead was wrinkled; he must be afraid we might give him -the slip and be off with the booty. His face cleared when I laid the -purse on the table. But when I pulled a hundred-franc note out of my -pocket, the old fellow waved it aside, and pointed to the purse.</p> - -<p>"None o' that now! You've got that amount in solid gold!"</p> - -<p>"Take this note?" I retorted.</p> - -<p>"Give me gold, gold!"</p> - -<p>"Why on earth should I?"</p> - -<p>I had not foreseen this pretext for cavilling when I had flattered -myself on avoiding a scene. I refused to give in. The old chap kicked -against the pricks. Paper-money? Wot good was that to any one nowadays, -you wouldn't get a hunk of bread for it!</p> - -<p>He obviously distrusted me. I was on the point of losing my temper. -Guillaumin angrily dubbed the old man a robber and a blooming Bosche. -The latter got annoyed and made as if to take back his poultry. -Bouillon kept his eyes fixed on me, and was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span> only waiting for a sign to -hurl himself upon the old man.</p> - -<p>For a fantastical instant I was tempted to let him have his way. I was -enraged, and disgusted. More than that, I was suddenly seized with a -longing to loot. It would be a wonderful opportunity. What risk should -we run? None at all. It would simply be one more picturesque scene to -add to our store of memories.</p> - -<p>At that moment, the servant girl happened to cross the bottom of the -room. Her dress fell into lines which suggested the rounded form -beneath. Bouillon was looking at her too, and Guillaumin also. His big -red nose was quivering. The blood rushed to my head, and desire took -possession of me. We all three exchanged a look of feverish bestiality. -Plunder the old man, violate the girl. Nothing could be easier—some -strange madness urged us on—the beast in us was raising its head.</p> - -<p>A vision of Jeannine passed through my mind, but it held no power to -restrain me, for was it not purely a physical impulse? It did not count -in my eyes. No one would ever know anything about it, I repeated to -myself. Why not indulge this whim? It was a sinister moment. We had -each taken a step towards the girl, whose face contracted.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IXc" id="CHAPTER_IXc">CHAPTER IX</a></p> - -<p class="center">AT PEACE WITH MYSELF</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">And</span> then, after all, something stopped me, something I had never -experienced before. Was it prejudice? Or moral restraint? I had no time -to examine my feelings. Was it self-respect? Yes, that, without doubt. -No one would ever know anything about it, but I should know about it -myself!</p> - -<p>"Make up your mind!" I said to the man.</p> - -<p>Had he an inkling of the danger he had been in? In any case he -acquiesced without a word, and took the note, to which I added a louis.</p> - -<p>I commandeered the rest of the bread, and three dozen eggs, which the -girl was to boil till they were hard. She bustled about, but it took -some time.</p> - -<p>I paid for everything at three times its value, without turning a hair. -The old man got a second louis, and to show his satisfaction, threw in -a packet of salt!</p> - -<p>I will not dwell upon our return journey. Bouillon had hung a cord -round his neck with the poultry dangling at each end of it, in two -bunches. They struggled and made a deafening din and twice over almost -tripped him up. He gravely warned them:</p> - -<p>"If you do that a third time, I shall lose my temper!"</p> - -<p>Thirty yards farther on, he stopped.</p> - -<p>"Got a pin?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_373" id="Page_373">[Pg 373]</a></span></p> - -<p>I handed him one without understanding why he wanted it.</p> - -<p>He turned away. I became aware of a wild flapping, and then a faint -rattle. "Next please!"</p> - -<p>"I'll learn 'em not to be so bloomin' fond o' flies!"</p> - -<p>He pricked them behind the head, one after the other, sighing.</p> - -<p>"If only they was some o' them Bosches!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When he entered the stable in front of us half an hour later, with the -chaplet of chickens round his neck, the men were stupefied. Then an -uproar arose.</p> - -<p>"Oh! the cannibal!" cried Judsi.</p> - -<p>"Good biz; grub at last!"</p> - -<p>The men who were asleep had to be shaken and roused up. Their faces -broke into broad smiles, their eyes lit up. Things went very quickly -when once they were all up. Some of them had already been told off to -pluck, to light fires, and do the roasting. Everyone hurried into the -yard. Guillaumin and I slipped down beside De Valpic and told him all -about our pranks. Guillaumin gaily gave him an account of the longing -which had seized us, to despoil the old man, and violate the girl. It -was a tremendous joy to have a conscience clear enough to be able to -joke about it. De Valpic smiled in response. One felt how his whole -being was yearning for the nourishment of which he had been deprived -for nearly forty-eight hours.</p> - -<p>We went to supervise the cooking. In the twinkling of an eye the men -had built up piles of branches, and succeeded in lighting them, though -the yard was soaking. The chickens had been plucked and dressed and -were roasting fast, threaded on to bayonets which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_374" id="Page_374">[Pg 374]</a></span> willing volunteers -were turning conscientiously under Gaufrèteau's direction. By his -orders, too, bowls were put under them to catch the fat dripping from -them. In half an hour's time, he pronounced the birds cooked to a turn. -We presided over the division. Nothing was to go out of the platoon!</p> - -<p>The battalion sergeant-major came and hung about.</p> - -<p>"Halloa. Some looting been going on!"</p> - -<p>"No," said Bouillon, "the sergeant paid, and a good price too."</p> - -<p>Ravelli stood in the mud near by, and sniffed the good smell. But a -remnant of dignity forbade him to beg. We ended by taking pity on him, -and offering him a fine fleshy bone, which he set to work to gnaw like -a dog.</p> - -<p>I was tormented for quite a long time—poor wretches that we are—by -the paltry fear that the men might not realise to the full to whom they -owed the windfall. They had quite cheered up, and I saw them grouped -round the fires which still flickered, and lit up their delighted -faces, chewing the remains of their bones and munching their eggs. -Perhaps they imagined that the company's mess-balance had paid for the -feast. In any case their gratitude to my companions was just as great -as it was to me. I should have liked to monopolise it!</p> - -<p>Then I shook off this paltry thought. What was all this about -benefactors and debtors. A lot there was to be proud about, in having -paid, when I had the money to pay with. One felt that the good fellows -would every one of them be capable of a similar action, rather than -surprised at it!</p> - -<p>Candour, simplicity of soul. Another effort. I was pulling myself up to -it.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_375" id="Page_375">[Pg 375]</a></span></p> - -<p>Guillaumin and I had reserved one whole chicken for ourselves. We took -the best half of it to De Valpic. Alas! his appetite failed after the -first mouthfuls, and he had great difficulty in getting through it.</p> - -<p>We had decided to offer the captain a wing. Guillaumin, who had -undertaken to be the ambassador, soon came back. Ribet had refused -it—oh, as nicely as possible assuring Guillaumin that he needed -nothing. If we had a portion over, let it be for one of his men, who -had their packs to carry!</p> - -<p>Henriot must have got wind of this reply, for his was identical. The -third one, Delafosse, we knew nothing about him; nobody thought about -him. But Breton, when he was invited, did not turn up his nose at it, -and came to revive himself by us. He congratulated us:</p> - -<p>"These bachelors knew how to look after themselves—and no mistake!"</p> - -<p>And what about the Playoust set. De Valpic having timidly suggested -that we might—Guillaumin exploded:</p> - -<p>"Never! Low-down cads like that! Why they'd let us starve without -turning a hair."</p> - -<p>I backed him up, and De Valpic said no more.</p> - -<p>We three each put part of the remains on one side. It was rather -shocking, I admitted to myself, to be thinking of our future hunger, -when comrades at hand were suffering the pangs of present hunger.</p> - -<p>But after all! I had done enough for others to last me for one day!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I had gone out into the yard again. It was almost deserted now, but -I came across Humel. He pretended not to see me. His cap, which was -cocked<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_376" id="Page_376">[Pg 376]</a></span> over one ear, gave him a cheeky look, but I caught sight of -his haggard face and sunken cheeks by the light of one of the bonfires -which was still smouldering. I turned round:</p> - -<p>"I say, Humel!"</p> - -<p>He stopped, and aggressively snapped:</p> - -<p>"Well? What do you want?"</p> - -<p>"You've had nothing, have you?"</p> - -<p>"Had nothing ... what do you mean?"</p> - -<p>"To get your teeth into!"</p> - -<p>He hesitated:</p> - -<p>"A lot you care!"</p> - -<p>I went up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder:</p> - -<p>"Like a bit of chicken?"</p> - -<p>He made a movement as if to free himself, and then thought better of -it, and said more gently:</p> - -<p>"Have you got some left?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, and a hard-boiled egg. Wait a bit!"</p> - -<p>I went back into the piggery, and very stealthily—I did not want -Guillaumin to see me—took out my mess-tin, which contained my -provisions for the next day, then I rejoined Humel.</p> - -<p>"Here you are."</p> - -<p>We went and sat down in the shade on the curb of the well.</p> - -<p>"You can use my mess-tin."</p> - -<p>The poor boy began to eat hurriedly, and in silence. I told him, in -a joking tone, the story of our expedition; and meanwhile stealthily -examined his thin profile. He was a mere boy. A younger brother, this -lad too, younger not only in years.... He was thirsty. I pulled up a -bucket of water for him and we drank out of the same mug.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_377" id="Page_377">[Pg 377]</a></span></p> - -<p>Then making a violent effort to get over what I think was timidity he -said to me:</p> - -<p>"Thanks very much."</p> - -<p>I replied:</p> - -<p>"Look here, old chap, don't you think we ought all to be pals?"</p> - -<p>As he nodded in agreement, I ventured on to more ticklish ground. With -all sorts of precautions, and wordy extenuations, I let him see how -necessary it was, in the present circumstances, not to let the men's -morale be shaken. It was for us in particular, who mixed with the -troops to preach it to them, and to practise what we preached. There -were so many shining reasons to hope. Complaints were so harmful.</p> - -<p>It was a dangerous subject, I repeat. Humel was already chafing under -my remarks and beginning to protest—(Where is the man who will submit -to being taught his business?)—I went off at a tangent, just in time, -and roundly abused Playoust and Descroix—Humel I affected to accept, -to consider that as far as he was able to, he tried to react against a -troublesome state of mind; I considered him the only N.C.O. who counted -in No. 1 platoon, as De Valpic was too ill but I hoped that he would -redouble his efforts!</p> - -<p>The most transparent ruses were successful. Humel gave up rebelling. I -do not know whether he flattered himself that he was like the portrait -I drew of him, but he nodded approvingly. When you catch people doing -wrong they are so grateful to you when you do not humiliate them.</p> - -<p>We shook hands heartily when we separated. I kept his youthful fist in -mine for a minute:</p> - -<p>"<i>Au revoir</i>, my lad!"</p> - -<p>"See you to-morrow!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_378" id="Page_378">[Pg 378]</a></span></p> - -<p>One more on our side, perhaps!</p> - -<p>I went to lie down on our dung-heap. My companions were already asleep. -I looked affectionately at Bouillon and Guillaumin for a moment—then I -scribbled a few lines to Jeannine, and lay down at peace with myself.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_379" id="Page_379">[Pg 379]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_VIII" id="BOOK_VIII"><i>BOOK VIII</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>September 2nd-7th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Xc" id="CHAPTER_Xc">CHAPTER X</a></p> - -<p class="center">NEWS AT LAST!</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> next day reinforcements arrived from our depôt. There were forty -men for the company, one of whom was an N.C.O. called Langlois—seven -men for the section.</p> - -<p>The poor wretches were very much depressed. They had been detrained at -Bar-le-Duc, and sent off to find us, in charge of a subaltern. They -had been wandering about for three days, with little or no food. They -were worn out when they joined us. Their feet were bleeding, and in -their eyes was the reflection of horrible visions. Oh, those fields of -corpses! And the smell! Several of them were sick once more at the mere -recollection of it. Or again, in other places—those bodies buried in -haste—the arms and feet sticking out of the ground! And then, on the -second evening they had suddenly found themselves in the firing line. -Bullets whizzed past their ears—Zzp, Zzp—and shells surrounded them. -Several of their men had already been killed.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_380" id="Page_380">[Pg 380]</a></span></p> - -<p>It must be added that these men left F—— five days before under -a gloomy impression. News had just got through of our regiment of -regulars who since the very beginning had been fighting a few miles -away from us, though we had never come across them. And what news it -was! Leaving Longuyon on the morning of the 21st, engaged that evening -at Ethes, and thrown back on Tellencourt, they had been, so to speak, -volatilised, during those two days. Their losses had been enormous. One -battalion had been wiped out and another was missing—the only hope was -that the whole of it might have been taken prisoners—the third had -been saved by the self-possession of a company commander.</p> - -<p>When one thought of the recruiting, to a great extent local—The -regulars! All the young harvest! The flower of the country! A great -many of our <i>poilus</i> had a younger brother, sometimes two or three, -among these troops which were said to be exterminated. They were to be -seen with anxious eyes, and quivering nostrils, hazarding some name or -other, in an agony of suspense. Details were generally lacking, but a -trenchant reply would sometimes come:</p> - -<p>"Killed, killed!"</p> - -<p>"Killed?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly."</p> - -<p>What a blow it was. Some of them staggered, but most of them bowed -their heads and said nothing. Then seized with compassion, I would go -up to them.</p> - -<p>"Poor old chap!" I soothed them with a vague hope—how many of the -missing would turn up again?</p> - -<p>What I was more anxious about than anything else was, as may be -imagined, the general situation. What was happening? I feverishly -questioned Langlois.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_381" id="Page_381">[Pg 381]</a></span></p> - -<p>He was a school-master too, but from Paris. Playoust's set had -immediately tried to get hold of him, but he made it quite clear -that he intended to remain neutral, on good terms with us. He had an -interesting head. He was sunburnt, and had intensely blue eyes, a big -nose with a narrow bridge, and a determined chin. Besides that, he was -slim and muscular, and had a graceful carriage. There was a look of -a musketeer or condottiere about him—a look which was deceptive for -that matter, as I soon realised. He was a good sort, but nothing beyond -that. His intelligence was limited.</p> - -<p>During his weeks at the depôt everything seemed to have rolled off him, -like water off a duck's back, without making the faintest impression. -He was eager for news, no doubt, but he was far from attaching to it -the tragic and capital importance which clothed the least occurrence in -this hour of our history.</p> - -<p>It was disappointing and exasperating to me. I would have given a -lot to meet Fortin and have a talk with him. We had just heard that -he had become a humble private again, and was with the reinforcement -detachment.</p> - -<p>However, I set about extracting all the news from Langlois, bit by bit, -and finished by attaining my end.</p> - -<p>To begin with, the period of optimism had continued. The enemy had -been intercepted on the Meuse, and at Liège, Namur, and Dinant. Our -offensive was developing at Mulhouse and towards Morhange. That had -gone on until Friday, the 21st. That day's <i>communiqué</i> still gave a -favourable picture of the situation. There were two shadows on it, -however: the day was described as having been "less fortunate" in -Lorraine, and the occupation of Brussels. The next<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_382" id="Page_382">[Pg 382]</a></span> day, there was -nothing very new. A huge battle was going on. The guns were talking.</p> - -<p>Complete silence for two days. On the third—it was Tuesday—the -<i>communiqué</i> announced, in terms very flattering to our troops, that -the attack had had no decisive results and that we had fallen back on -our covering positions. The casualties were heavy on both sides. One -paper claimed to see a second Valmy in the engagement.</p> - -<p>But since then things had been going from bad to worse! To how great -an extent? I pressed Langlois, and implored him to try and recall the -smallest details—the text even of the bulletins. We were holding -out? Apparently. Towards Nancy our luck seemed to be re-establishing -itself. In the North? Oh. Langlois admitted that he really knew nothing -about the North. I pretended to be as calm as possible in order to -encourage him. Come along! The daily reports? What did they point to? -They were perplexing—"The English have lost a little ground on our -extreme left...." "We have had to bring our line slightly farther -back...." What else? Ever since the day following "Charleroi" they -had talked of German patrol parties venturing right up to near Douai -and Valenciennes. A note which had an official twang about it had -appeared on this subject. There was no cause for alarm! Merely isolated -instances! That was all very well! But the same day we read in the -socialistic manifesto that "Our richest and most cultivated regions are -invaded."</p> - -<p>"And what about the Russians?" I asked. "Haven't they come in yet?"</p> - -<p>"Yes—things are going all right down there apparently."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_383" id="Page_383">[Pg 383]</a></span></p> - -<p>There were no details, of course.</p> - -<p>The detachment had left F——, Langlois continued, at midday on the -29th,—the Paris dailies had just arrived.</p> - -<p>This time there was a <i>communiqué</i> which was undeniably odd. Even he -had been startled. He quoted the exact text: "<i>The situation on our -front, from the Somme to the Vosges, is exactly the same to-day as it -was yesterday.</i>"</p> - -<p>From the Somme to the Vosges! It was my turn to get a shock. What! Then -the Huns were at Amiens! Yes, everything went to prove it. Even nearer -perhaps? They had heard a rumour on their train journey, of sanguinary -engagements at Bapaume and at Peronne. Other reports were circulating. -Soisson and St. Quentin were said to have been cut off, the Compiègne -forest on fire.</p> - -<p>I would not believe it all. I clung to the <i>communiqué</i> of the 27th. -But in any case it was a terrible awakening. Even Guillaumin, who -joined us, was not incredulous, for once. An orderly had just confirmed -the news of the investment of La Fère. We put this fortress down as -being about half-way between the frontier and Paris. Was the capital in -danger? Not yet, after all! We pictured a huge force barring the way to -the intrenched camp.</p> - -<p>What worried me most was public opinion which, with us, is so nervous -and impressionable. There was good reason to be calm about the morale -of the army. But the departments in the background. We were given a -gloomy reflection of the spirit reigning there now....</p> - -<p>And the government especially? I had a vague dread of some faltering, -some lack of real energy in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_384" id="Page_384">[Pg 384]</a></span> this coterie of middle-aged <i>bourgeois</i>, -who had grown up amid the dejection which had followed the defeat, and -had been softened by forty years of enjoyable egoism. Would they hold -out? What did we know of it? We had got no more letters since the game -had been played and lost in the North.</p> - -<p>Certain facts which I learnt from Langlois were not calculated to -reassure me. The cabinet had been modified! Socialists in the Ministry. -If it should mean the road to some humiliating pact? There was still a -fear of civil war, in which France would drown herself in a fratricidal -struggle or, worse than all else, fling herself into the arms of the -infamous wretch who would speak of peace!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I kept my anxiety to myself in my continuous endeavour not to shake -any one's courage. I watched my <i>poilus</i> with delight as they exerted -themselves to cheer up the new-comers. The Judsis and Lamalous laughed -at their glum looks.</p> - -<p>"Like to know wot they'd say, if they'd seen any real fightin'!..."</p> - -<p>They pulled their legs, inventing fantastic feats of prowess by the -regiment, or the company. The taking of "Beauclair" for instance! -Judsi often returned to the subject of that exploit. They had found -more burnt and spitted Bosches in there than you'd believe possible. -A carpet, no a pile, of them rising right up to the first storey. -Maddening for the ground-floor people of whom there was not a sign to -be seen.</p> - -<p>The audience was greatly tickled.</p> - -<p>"Now you'll do. W'en a man knows 'ow to laugh, 'e'll make a soldier!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_385" id="Page_385">[Pg 385]</a></span></p> - -<p>Thereupon, news arrived. We had been attached to the 4th Corps again, -and were to be entrained. What for? Paris. We were to form a part of -the troops constituting the mobile defence.</p> - -<p>There was general rejoicing. Paris! A certain number of the men came -from the city or the suburbs, and even for the others the magic -syllables evoked endless delights. What ho! for the picture palaces and -the pretty girls, in their first free hour....</p> - -<p>It opened up a perspective of repose for everyone, after so much toil.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_386" id="Page_386">[Pg 386]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIc" id="CHAPTER_XIc">CHAPTER XI</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE CATHEDRAL</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">The</span> notice had reached us at seven o'clock in the morning. At five -o'clock in the afternoon we arrived at St. Menehould, of which we saw -nothing but the station. At six we were in the train.</p> - -<p>Just as it was getting under way—I was looking through the -ventilator—there was a sudden panic on the platform. Employees and -foremen began to run, flinging their arms up. What was it? There -was a noise, I understood. A Taube was flying over the station. The -men crowded to the doors. We had no time to distinguish anything. A -tremendous explosion flung us on top of each other, and a certain -number fell on to the floor of the waggon.</p> - -<p>A bomb had just fallen thirty yards from us. There were instant yells -and a torrent of smoke. A waggon was pulverised on one of the adjacent -lines. Three men killed, and six wounded we heard. And two hours' delay -for us.</p> - -<p>So we did not get away till night. The beginning of our misfortunes! -We had not been going twenty minutes, when we pulled up with a violent -jerk. An avalanche of rifles and packs—contusions and confusion.</p> - -<p>The lantern was shivered, and went out. A chorus of imprecations -exploded in the darkness. We struck<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_387" id="Page_387">[Pg 387]</a></span> some matches. No serious damage -done. Prunelle's face was bleeding, and his glasses were broken. He -had a splinter of glass at the edge of his eyelashes. He was lucky. He -might have lost an eye.</p> - -<p>And outside? We leant out. Shadows were swarming on the ballast, some -limping, others frightened. Bouchut had been sent for and came up in a -fury shouting at the top of his voice. An orderly was standing in front -of each waggon inquiring in a surly voice:</p> - -<p>"Any casualties here?"</p> - -<p>A commonplace stoppage. The tail carriages had turned over, and the -last one which contained among other things the officers' equipments -was reduced to atoms, to the great glee of the men.</p> - -<p>"We'll lend 'em our tooth-brushes!" said Judsi.</p> - -<p>They were not so delighted about it, when they heard that some more men -had been killed there, four or five apparently, including Sépot, the -chief laboratory man, a good sort, whom everybody loved.</p> - -<p>"If this sorter thing goes on," Lamalou said, "there won't be many of -us by the time we gets to Paris!"</p> - -<p>The stoppage was prolonged. I got out and walked up and down for a -little while. The sky was overcast, and there was no moon. I got back. -Our train hooted dismally in the darkness, like a ship in distress.</p> - -<p>I fell asleep, and we started off again, and went bumping drowsily on -our way.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We woke up at dawn to find we had halted again, and were not to go on -for an hour at least. The cooks were getting coffee ready. There was -an autumnal feeling in the air. It was bitterly cold, and we stamped -our feet. It was a characteristic landscape, with its billows of bald -hillocks studded with little woods<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_388" id="Page_388">[Pg 388]</a></span> of conventional shapes.... The -surroundings of the Camp de Châlons.</p> - -<p>De Valpic was shivering and stayed in his waggon. Guillaumin said to me -below his breath:</p> - -<p>"I wonder—if I'm dreaming?"</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"I thought I heard...."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"Firing!"</p> - -<p>I listened attentively. No, there was nothing. I chaffed him on his -hallucinations! Was he profiting by Ravelli's teaching? Firing indeed! -An excellent joke! We had left the enemy more than a hundred and thirty -miles behind.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin did not persist. The time which had been fixed passed by. -Then we were told that we should be there for another two hours.</p> - -<p>I left the railway lines and went off into the open fields.</p> - -<p>I noticed that our convoy was not the only one which had been stopped -there. The black line stretched away as far as eye could see, bordered -with a swarm of uniforms, and smoking bonfires. The line was badly -blocked.</p> - -<p>As I had plenty of time before me, the idea occurred to me of climbing -the nearest hill. I followed a chalky path.</p> - -<p>I had imagined that this crest was quite near by, and that I should -reach it without any difficulty. I only breasted it after twenty -minutes of breathless climbing.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A violent north wind lashed me, up there, and dried my perspiration. -A vast panorama lay before me: a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_389" id="Page_389">[Pg 389]</a></span> series of desolate-looking humps -covered the ground, some of them bristling with vine poles, supporting -the good Champagne grapes. I took my bearings. Just to the south, -I made out the blue ridge of the more important hills, a sort of -promontory where I thought an army might have got a good hold. I -turned towards the west, a lifeless, colourless stretch of country. -The railway line with its telegraph posts disappeared between two low -hillocks on that side.</p> - -<p>But I thought I could make out the haze and dust rising from a big -town. Yes—when I looked harder—there was a purple phantom, the -silhouette of a building, hardly discernible in the mist, which little -by little grew more distinct—those towers superb in their grace and -strength. In my wonder, I named it aloud—Rheims Cathedral.</p> - -<p>By some strange chance I had forgotten that this Presence was so near -at hand, though on getting into the train that day before, I had -vaguely hoped that fate might lead us to it.</p> - -<p>My veneration for this most sacred of all shrines dated from my -earliest childhood when I had admired a picture of it reproduced in my -prayer-book. Abbé Ygonel, my first teacher, had sung the praises of its -magnificent harmony in striking terms. I had made of this erection the -centre round which gravitated the whole of our history, enchanting as a -legend.</p> - -<p>I had only once been to see it. I had gone to Rheims for a football -match, and before and after the game had left my comrades, and had gone -all alone to reflect on the faith which reared the poem of this portal -and these towers.</p> - -<p>I unconsciously picked up the thread of that meditation again now. The -coronation cathedral! It was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_390" id="Page_390">[Pg 390]</a></span> there that all the kings whose names were -landmarks in our annals, from Philippe-Auguste to Louis XVI. had come, -with bowed heads, to receive at the hands of holy men the crown and the -unction which made them more than men.</p> - -<p>Detached from the present, I once more began to rejoice at this -glorious realisation—when my meditation was disturbed by an almost -imperceptible wave of sound—a distant echo. A storm beginning or -ending? I considered the sky. It was clear and serene. Again there -was a stifled rumble. This time I ceased to entertain any doubts. -Guillaumin's ears had not played him false. My heart contracted at the -first echoes of firing to awaken Champagne. I listened. I wanted to -find out ... the pale horizon guarded its secret. I looked again. The -bewildering part of it was that this rumbling seemed to come not from -the borders of Argonne, where we had left our trail only yesterday, but -from the opposite direction, stretching westwards towards Paris. Was -the enemy there? Could it be possible? Already barring this route!</p> - -<p>I had mechanically turned my eyes towards the cathedral again. What -was I seeking? I believe it was help and comfort, from thee, the -representative city,—vision worthy of exalting us.</p> - -<p>Why, on the contrary, did this unbounding sadness worm its way into my -heart?</p> - -<p>What did this proud edifice declare? The power of Royalty, the glory -of the Catholicism.... The soul of ancient France, which was incarnate -in these living stones, had crumbled more quickly in the blast of -modern thought, than they had in the wear and tear of time. What bound -us, the sons of the twentieth<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_391" id="Page_391">[Pg 391]</a></span> century, to these traditions for which -our ancestors had lived, and piously lavished themselves in such -attestations?</p> - -<p>Other thoughts obsessed me. Rheims, the heart of the country. This -city, which held such an illustrious place in our annals, to-day was -threatened, almost lost. How many of our ancient possessions had lately -fallen into the hands of the enemy? In 1871, Strassburg and Metz. This -time the downfall was more rapid—Flanders and Artois, Picardy, so many -treasures and marvels, our patrimony of art and land. The impious tide -was advancing. And what fate awaited these august arches, under which -our princes had prostrated themselves, the nave which had echoed to the -sublime chants of our religion? Would they become a Lutheran church -which we should be allowed to look over for the consideration of a few -pfennigs? Or was there a worse fate in store for them? I dared not put -it into words ... the crushing presentiment of ravage and crime, fire -and sword, devastating this miracle of human hands. I only know that -filling my consciousness with the gorgeous picture I secretly bid it -farewell.</p> - -<p>What was to be done? Resist? No doubt. But so many legions had burst -from the Germanic reservoirs. What if it was the barbarians' turn to -spread across this corner of the world? An unwavering law—why not? -France would perhaps die away—the most civilised nation, ruined by her -intelligence, by her scepticism revolting against that which had formed -her grandeur. I glanced at the string of stationary trains below. -Should we ever get any farther? Were we not more likely to fight where -we were? An ironical fate to perish in sight of these towers,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_392" id="Page_392">[Pg 392]</a></span> symbols -of our whilom virtue, of our repudiated creed!</p> - -<p>It must be noticed that I was still convinced that we should all do our -utmost duty. We should merit the respect of those who would build on -our ruins. I closed my eyes. I almost wished that the hour of our noble -passing would strike as soon as possible. It seemed to me that, wounded -to the death, I might have closed my eyes, unregretfully, on my race -and on myself since we had achieved our destiny.</p> - -<p>And yet compunction pursued me among these gloomy speculations. Where -was my dauntlessness of yesterday? Why did I suddenly flinch? I sought -for the torches which lit up my path. A dazzling beacon stood forth: My -love! Jeannine—Jeannine! I still adored her, but what fears interposed -themselves, chilling my hope. I counted the days, how many was it, five -or six, since I had heard from her. Our one chance of happiness was -exposed to so many risks.</p> - -<p>What was happening over there? If there were strikes and riots, and the -attendant train of outrages? A fair-haired victim...! Would not our -future fall to pieces with the future of our nation? Or again—other -thoughts assailed me. The turgid surge of uncertainty. Had I deceived -myself? Had I not relied too much on a few friendly letters? Had the -exalted tone of my missives suddenly alarmed her?</p> - -<p>And then I took pity on myself. So that was the only cause of my -depression. The delay in our correspondence. But was there any one -round me, never mind who it was, more favoured than I? I tried in vain -to bring about a reaction.</p> - -<p>I went back into the valley. Guillaumin was watching for me and greeted -me by asking:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_393" id="Page_393">[Pg 393]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Well, are you convinced now?"</p> - -<p>Yes, it certainly was firing. It could be heard quite distinctly. The -men had recognised it, and seemed exhilarated by it.</p> - -<p>Judsi announced:</p> - -<p>"Boom! There now! We missed the band!"</p> - -<p>Primitive souls, who did not know what anxiety was.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_394" id="Page_394">[Pg 394]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIc" id="CHAPTER_XIIc">CHAPTER XII</a></p> - -<p class="center">PESSIMISM</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Towards</span> midday we set off again, but to our surprise, went slowly -backwards, accompanied by the shrill blasts of whistles. The line -beyond Rheims must obviously be cut, or just about to be cut. Where -were they taking us to?</p> - -<p>There was a new halt, near a branch line, which lasted for an -interminable time. Then we laboriously got under way again. The evening -was already falling.</p> - -<p>How long did that journey last? Two nights and two days? Or three? It -was enough to make one lose all idea of time.</p> - -<p>I doubt whether, after leaving Châlons our speed could have exceeded -eight miles an hour. Every five minutes we pulled up, sometimes only -for a few seconds, sometimes for two or three hours. To begin with the -men in command of each truck had instructions to see that no one got -out. But as the comedy continued to repeat itself, the orders were soon -relaxed. It was better outside than in.</p> - -<p>At Châlons and at Troyes we found cold meals prepared for us. In -between times the men spread over the neighbouring fields in search of -carrots, beans, and potatoes, and generally reaped a fruitful harvest. -They hollowed out ovens along the line, but the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_395" id="Page_395">[Pg 395]</a></span> train often started -off just as the camp-kettles had been put on to the fire. The first -time or two, panic ensued, the men seized the material, burning their -fingers, and crammed their mouths with half-cooked vegetables.</p> - -<p>But they gradually got to take things more calmly. If the train wanted -to do a bolt, let it, by all means! They'd catch it up all right. Or if -not they would jump on to the next one that came along, that was all! -There was a procession of convoys on our down line.</p> - -<p>The most hilarious merriment spread from one end of the chain to the -other. It was occasionally chilled by meeting an ambulance train -carrying its terrible load of suffering. We were shunted and the other -passed us. It was heart-rending, and unpleasant too, to have to stay in -the wake of it, where there floated an unsavory smell. But the rest of -the time—high jinks! The <i>poilus</i> had taken a fancy to this fantastic -excursion. Peasants did a trade in eatables along the line. We bought -eggs, cheese, jam, and black puddings and sausages from them—good -cheer, in fact. And wine most of all. There was a great run on some -frothy wine of an inferior quality sold at two francs a bottle. The men -clubbed together and there were great drinking bouts which ended in -some of them being distinctly "binged."</p> - -<p>It was no use trying to interfere. The N.C. O's were giving way -everywhere. Some of them even joined in. Among our lot I at least -succeeded in putting into force this rule: that whoever felt squeamish, -should not get back into the truck, where he would make everyone -uncomfortable. It was strictly observed: some of these excellent -fellows<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_396" id="Page_396">[Pg 396]</a></span> meekly dragged their wish to vomit along the ballast for a -livelong day.</p> - -<p>I was far from partaking in this atmosphere of gaiety, and was, on -the contrary, bored and depressed. I did not get out half-a-dozen -times, but stayed in our truck in almost complete isolation. Chance -had separated me from Guillaumin on this journey, and thrown me with -Langlois, who was not a very inspiring companion.</p> - -<p>De Valpic was feeling the effects of his recent fatigue, and lay down -the whole time. Humel twice came to pay me a short visit, unknown to -the rest of the "set." Henriot was nowhere to be seen.</p> - -<p>I have said that we stopped for a moment at Troyes where we turned off -on to the main line, Belfort-Paris. We soon saw the effect of it in -the change of speed. Two of our gay spirits again took advantage of a -halt, to rag in the fields. The train started off at full speed without -whistling. We did not see them again until two days later.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We arrived at Pantin at night. The men's persistent gaiety made me -singularly cross, and I was much relieved when the captain lost his -temper and exacted silence. We detrained in pitch darkness. All the -lamps in the station had been put out for fear of Taubes and Zeppelins.</p> - -<p>I longed and feared to learn what turn things had taken. I questioned a -foreman who confided in me:</p> - -<p>"You're lucky, you're the last to arrive! To-morrow the system won't be -working. It's already cut at Meaux."</p> - -<p>They hurried us along the platform, weighed down like human live-stock. -On leaving the station<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_397" id="Page_397">[Pg 397]</a></span> we turned into an unlighted avenue, and marched -for half an hour or fifty minutes.</p> - -<p>The men demanded a halt.</p> - -<p>Everyone was so firmly convinced that we were being brought back to -rest here. We would have given anything to lie down, if only on bad -straw. Our backs were sore all over from those seventy-six hours in the -train.</p> - -<p>The streets were deserted. At long intervals there was a sentry, or -patrol-party. We went on, half dozing. With my head nodding, I urged -myself on to certain arguments, which were comparatively reassuring. -Don't throw the helve after the hatchet. A besieged town is not a -captured town. Paris, in 1870, had held out for more than four months. -The defensive works in those days did not approach those of to-day.</p> - -<p>Henriot was walking beside me. I unbared my thoughts to him. He -retorted:</p> - -<p>"Oh rot! They'll get in as easy as look at it!"</p> - -<p>"Do you really know anything definite about it?" I asked, a little -nonplussed.</p> - -<p>"I know as much as everyone else! Nothing's ready. The forts in the -west are not worth a pin. They won't hold out any more than those at -Namur!"</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p>"And then you know, when we no longer think of anything but defending -ourselves...!"</p> - -<p>There were two lanterns in the middle of the road, and forms coming and -going. It was an intrenching party—some Zouaves digging a piece of -trench, and a machine-gun was pointed there.</p> - -<p>Judsi turned round.</p> - -<p>"A bit beforehand, ain't they?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_398" id="Page_398">[Pg 398]</a></span></p> - -<p>Their zeal was rather overdone! That was the general impression. I, on -the contrary, felt that it might come in useful no later than to-morrow.</p> - -<p>I repeated to myself Henriot's half-finished remark, "When we no longer -think of anything but defending ourselves...!" And I followed the -thought to its conclusion. I remembered the teaching of my military -education, a certain crude phrase in the regulations, "A passive -defensive is doomed to certain defeat!"</p> - -<p>Pray what were we doing but running to shut ourselves up in a camp? How -many sad precedents there were for that? Metz, Port Arthur, Adrianople ... -I recalled the changed attitude of those of my companions who -were capable of reasoning. De Valpic, prostrate. Was it due only to -weariness? Guillaumin was taciturn and reserved, and the officers -silent. The captain? We had seen very little of him—once or twice -gloomily gnawing his moustache. What baleful influence was in the air? -I was suddenly suffocated by it.</p> - -<p>Where were they taking us now? It was Prunelle who put us on the -track. He recognised the country, it was in the neighbourhood of -Neuilly-Plaisance. There was a tiny village there where he went every -Saturday evening, and quite near by, a topping place for fishing. May I -be hung if he did not begin to prate of perch and roach?</p> - -<p>There was a halt at last. I took a turn. A shadow was silhouetted in -front of me:</p> - -<p>"Sergeant!"</p> - -<p>"Who goes there?"</p> - -<p>Oh, I recognised him....</p> - -<p>"That you, Donnadieu?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_399" id="Page_399">[Pg 399]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was my corporal, the voluntary casualty of Mangiennes!</p> - -<p>"I've come back, Sergeant," he said. "Sergeant...."</p> - -<p>He stopped, choking....</p> - -<p>"Did you tell the others?"</p> - -<p>"Tell them what?"</p> - -<p>"How I ... was wounded?"</p> - -<p>"No." I replied coldly. "I told no one."</p> - -<p>My glance mechanically sought his hand. He explained:</p> - -<p>"Two fingers gone, that's all! I've asked them not to discharge me, as -I can hold my rifle! I've been waiting for you here for two days...."</p> - -<p>He began again:</p> - -<p>"Sergeant, I was watching for you ... I wanted to see you before the -others ... because ... because...."</p> - -<p>He swallowed:</p> - -<p>"If the thing had got about ... I should have put a bullet through my -head!"</p> - -<p>His tone was abrupt, and sincere. A man who would recover himself. Why -could I not find a hearty word for him?</p> - -<p>"Where were you looked after?"</p> - -<p>"At the field hospital.... A dozen or so out of the company were there."</p> - -<p>"Do you know what became of...?"</p> - -<p>He read my thoughts....</p> - -<p>"Sergeant Frémont?"</p> - -<p>"Frémont, yes?"</p> - -<p>"He died ... in two days. They couldn't move him."</p> - -<p>I left him. Little Frémont dead! It seemed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_400" id="Page_400">[Pg 400]</a></span> impossible, and yet I had -foreseen it. The tragic destiny weighed on us all! Again I saw him, -this comrade of my youth, seated on the bench in the garden, beside his -love, with the clear eyes....</p> - -<p>I went back to my companions. Guillaumin and De Valpic were together, -and Humel not far away. I called him, and told them the sad news, in an -under-tone.</p> - -<p>"It's quite certain then?"</p> - -<p>Humel fixed his eyes, in which I read anxiety and terror, on me. Poor -boy! He, especially, needed a comforting word. I could not furnish it. -We were all four silent.</p> - -<p>Then De Valpic tried to dispel the gloom, by referring to some incident -or other on the journey. He adopted a joking tone. But his strength -failed him, his cough put an end to his story. And the order came to -start again.</p> - -<p>We met again during the next halt. No one had the heart to say a word. -Each one of us felt capable of mastering his own distress, but if they -all came to be fused and strengthened by each other, there would be -nothing for it but to sob....</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_401" id="Page_401">[Pg 401]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIIIc" id="CHAPTER_XIIIc">CHAPTER XIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> were billeted in a school, a pleasant change after the wretched -holes we had been given in Argonne. I slept until it was broad daylight.</p> - -<p>When I awoke, our <i>poilus</i> had been up for a long time. Judsi was -parting his hair, and talking of asking for leave to go and see his -lady friend. I went on lying in my corner for quite a long time. I -was haunted by the gloomy speculations which had attacked me the day -before. I thought of you, Jeannine, and wondered if you were thinking -of me....</p> - -<p>De Valpic appeared at the door and glanced round the room. He caught -sight of me and came up.</p> - -<p>"Good morning, old chap!"</p> - -<p>He sat down beside me.</p> - -<p>"This Paris air does buck one up. I'm in the 'pink' this morning!"</p> - -<p>He coughed.</p> - -<p>"And what about you?"</p> - -<p>"Not so dusty."</p> - -<p>He continued:</p> - -<p>"You did look cut up last night. Directly I got up, I said to myself, -now it's my turn to go and cheer him up!"</p> - -<p>I smiled.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_402" id="Page_402">[Pg 402]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Awfully decent of you, but did I need it as much as all that?"</p> - -<p>There was a moment's silence, while his warm gaze probed me. Then he -put his hand on my shoulder:</p> - -<p>"We aren't getting letters," he said, "but it doesn't mean that they -have forgotten us, old man!"</p> - -<p>He had accentuated his words, with the intuition of a generous -heart. How cleverly he had seen through the almost unconscious yet -ever-present motive of my bitterness. I hoped he would continue—but he -did not force my reserve. Simply and quietly he began to open his heart -to me again, as he had the other day. I learnt that his betrothed was -named Anne-Marie, and he told me her family name too, an illustrious -one, as I had supposed. The last card he had had from her had been sent -from Laon, he said.... Yes, she was down there with a detachment of -nurses.</p> - -<p>De Valpic spoke slowly, in his expressive, caressing voice. He told me -what strength and stoical tenacity of purpose he had drawn more than -once, from the tender daily letter. Without this assistance he would -have faltered and fallen at the beginning. He considered that now was -the time, when he, like me, had been deprived of all news, for so long, -to stand fast, to show himself worthy of her, to put forth all the -strength which she had inculcated into him.</p> - -<p>It was a confidence which seemed to prompt mine, or take it for -granted, a new bond between us. All he told me of his fiancée, I could -attribute to Jeannine. Valiant children, they were both alike in their -attachment to us, in their task of inspiration. I too invoked a certain -passage in one of the recent letters, buttoned up in my tunic, where -courage and patience were<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_403" id="Page_403">[Pg 403]</a></span> preached to me, where I was implored never -to despair of happiness. Stick to it, then, by way of homage, in proof -of manly devotion. I fervently forbade myself to let despondency get a -hold over me. Ah! If only I could have made enthusiasm my daily bread.</p> - -<p>"I've just been writing," continued De Valpic. "Sent from here, perhaps -it will arrive. Won't you imitate me?"</p> - -<p>I asked him to excuse me for a moment while I scrawled a few lines. I -told Jeannine that fate had deigned to answer my prayer, and bring me -near to her.... Nothing more than a smiling testimony to our faith and -hope.</p> - -<p>On reading it over I laughed and said:</p> - -<p>"Well, if she is not cheered up by that!"</p> - -<p>"You know," he said, "that Paris is showing a most admirable spirit."</p> - -<p>"Really? How can you judge of it?"</p> - -<p>"Come along!"</p> - -<p>He gave me a hand by which to pull myself up. We went out. In the -street I was at once struck by all the windows decked with flags -flapping in the wind, the serenity written on the faces of the people -walking about, the tranquil hum. I had seen the city look like this -during the mobilisation.</p> - -<p>"Has there been—a victory?" I murmured.</p> - -<p>"It will come all in good time!" De Valpic said gaily. "Don't be in -such a hurry!"</p> - -<p>Bells were beginning to ring.</p> - -<p>"It's Sunday," he continued. "What luck to be here on a Sunday!"</p> - -<p>We took a few steps. It was a clear, spring-like morning; a gentle -breeze made the sunlit tree-tops<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_404" id="Page_404">[Pg 404]</a></span> quiver. A troop of little children -ran up brandishing sticks and spades.</p> - -<p>"Hurrah for the soldiers!" they cried.</p> - -<p>They had the attractive, wide-awake faces common to Paris boys. They -nudged each other.</p> - -<p>"It's the 3rd ... just look!"</p> - -<p>"My big bruvver's in the 302nd."</p> - -<p>Some of them gazed into our eyes saying:</p> - -<p>"'Ad a 'ard time, 'aven't yer, but we're sure to wop 'em, ain't we?"</p> - -<p>"Wop 'em—rather!" De Valpic retorted joyously.</p> - -<p>The passers-by smiled at us, or gave us a friendly wave of the hand. -The City greeted us, not as her saviours—Paris did not admit that she -was in any danger,—but simply as good children who had suffered for -her sake.</p> - -<p>The rare trams which were running, began to turn out numbers of Sunday -excursionists. A great many had come with their families either on -foot, or bicycling, to enjoy the air of their beloved suburb. Not -one of them showed the least trace of terror. They were marvellously -light-hearted. It was amusing to see the fathers pointing out the -preparations for defence to their offspring, the trenches and -barricades made of trees placed at intervals along the avenues, and -supplying the explanations in a serious or amused tone of voice. The -little brats enjoyed the unusual sight. Their eyes were often turned -skywards, a Taube was the only thing wanting to make their joy complete.</p> - -<p>De Valpic pressed my arm. He was triumphant.</p> - -<p>"Well, what do you say to it?"</p> - -<p>Two pretty young women, who were crossing the road, came up to us. They -were attractive and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_405" id="Page_405">[Pg 405]</a></span> distinguished-looking. They both had baskets on -their arms, and we noticed their brassards. They gracefully offered us -cigarettes, cakes, and packets of sweets tied up with ribbons. I helped -myself discreetly. De Valpic would only accept a flower, which he stuck -in his cap.</p> - -<p>"And what about your comrades?"</p> - -<p>We called Bouillon who was passing. He was still only half-clothed, as -he had been washing at a fountain. At last he made up his mind to it -and they made a great fuss over "the brave <i>poilu</i>."</p> - -<p>Having stuffed him with dainties, they began to question him. Where did -he come from? From Paris, really! And what quarter? Grenelle. One of -them exclaimed that she lived in that part too. Bouillon was stammering -in his embarrassment.</p> - -<p>I took it upon myself to give them "Marie's" address. The young woman -promised to go and see her, no later than to-morrow, and she would take -something for the baby.</p> - -<p>I think that they had recognised De Valpic and myself as belonging to -their world. Just as they were about to go on their way, they turned -round once more.</p> - -<p>"Perhaps you have some letters to send?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, indeed."</p> - -<p>We gave them the missives.</p> - -<p>"Good luck to you!"</p> - -<p>They held out their hands to us, with a pretty gesture.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Directly they had gone, I said to De Valpic:</p> - -<p>"What we ought to have done was to ask them for some papers!"</p> - -<p>"What does it matter?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_406" id="Page_406">[Pg 406]</a></span></p> - -<p>He accosted the first passer-by, and then went on to the next group. -His courtesy stood him in good stead. In five minutes he had collected -six or seven newspapers, of that day or the day before. We went in -again to revel in this literature.</p> - -<p>Our eyes grew wet with joy, at the very first glance.</p> - -<p>I have spoken of my obstinate fears concerning the interior peril. They -soon vanished. There was no confusion at all.</p> - -<p>The Government was intact, and had become greater and more sanctified. -All the different parties were working together. The alterations in the -Ministry had no other significance. It was a Sacred Union. The words -exactly described it.</p> - -<p>I fell upon the <i>communiqués</i>. That day's said that the enemy was -continuing his change of front in the south-east....</p> - -<p>That of the day before mentioned that Rheims and La Ferté had been -reached.... That was no news to us!</p> - -<p>Most of the space was devoted to the enormous advance by the Russians, -a piece of news which astounded, and overjoyed us. What fun has since -been made of the wave of hope let loose by these victories at the -beginning, of the naïve enthusiasm of the crowds, and the tale of -the Cossacks being only a few days' march from Berlin? Wrongly, in -my opinion. The benefit derived from such illusions will never be -exaggerated. Our salvation was built on them and by them,—by the -fervour aroused in the veins of each Frenchman, the fierce resolution -to strain every faculty, to fight side by side, to hold out until the -mighty flood of Slavs, pouring out of the Steppes, should overwhelm -everything....</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_407" id="Page_407">[Pg 407]</a></span></p> - -<p>And besides, they were not all chimeras. There were already some -definite results. Oriental Prussia was invaded, and "Altenstein" and -"Gumbinnen"—the censor was silent on the subject of "Thannenberg." And -then, at the other extremity of this front, the triumphs in Galicia, -the occupation of Lemberg, which had just been announced, and endless -booty and trophies!</p> - -<p>Farther on other flourishes were sounded. There was an avalanche of -details on the marvellous exploits of the Serbians—their success at -Lonitza, dated from the week before—down to the splendid Montenegrins -who were said to be threatening Cattaro.</p> - -<p>What could be more impressive, too, than the firmness of the English -resolution! The expeditionary force, coming over in numbers, day after -day; Lord Kitchener's allusion to the "formidable factor"—everyone -knew what he meant by that.</p> - -<p>Above all, the solemn compact made by the Three Powers not to sign a -separate peace.</p> - -<p>And then what life and courage there was in the style of all these -articles. They would always be read and re-read for the edification of -the people. There was no sign of depression or giving way. Nothing but -a superb confidence in the destiny of the country. They approved the -action of the Ministry, frankly and completely. It was an excellent -move to take the Government to Bordeaux, as a measure of prudence. -Gallièni was to replace Michel. Well if the latter submitted, he -must be imitated. There were sober commentaries on the strategical -situation. The errors and defeats were admitted, but public opinion -convinced that further mistakes were being guarded against, was not -affected by them. The possi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_408" id="Page_408">[Pg 408]</a></span>bility of an attack against the Intrenched -Camp was recognised, but there were strong arguments tending to prove -that it would fail utterly. There were interviews with combatants, -wounded, and prisoners; noble traits, and heroic sayings. In fact, one -might say that the atmosphere was one of cocksureness and joviality. -The press and the nation were attaining to the fine temper of the -<i>poilus</i>.</p> - -<p>Here and there anonymous pieces of information or an article, signed -by a celebrated writer or politician, were conspicuous—all great -successes. It was not my smallest surprise. These people, worthy of -their reputation, of their readers, of the Moment! Supple geniuses -moving without effort at the zenith of eloquence.</p> - -<p>Why quote any names? They were superbly-tuned instruments, all -vibrating on the same note, taking their part in the pæon, even to a -certain divine flute-player, whom I had formerly admired as an artist, -without considering him sincere, even without always relishing his -disdainful irony—I was struck by the direct, earnest style which he -suddenly displayed. I felt my soul thrill in unison with his great -soul, which he unveiled with a quiver.</p> - -<p>De Valpic and I devoured the papers, and handed them on to each other.</p> - -<p>"Just read that!"</p> - -<p>I know quite well that we brought the most credulous state of mind to -our reading—I was even tempted to upbraid myself with it. The world of -the press was well known to me! It was turned on at a word of command. -Even in face of all likelihood and reason. Perhaps all the probable -sorrows of the hour were being hidden from us.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_409" id="Page_409">[Pg 409]</a></span></p> - -<p>De Valpic read my thoughts:</p> - -<p>"As long as it goes down...!" he said.</p> - -<p>It was true enough. They were happy lies to judge by their fruits. If -those who traced these lines despaired at heart, all the more honour -to them.... Who could thank them enough for the manly assurance they -had inscribed on the face of the crowd? Could I not feel the benefit of -their encouragement upon myself?</p> - -<p>My companion looked at his watch.</p> - -<p>"I must leave you."</p> - -<p>"Where are you going?"</p> - -<p>He smiled:</p> - -<p>"Will you come with me? There is a mass at nine o'clock, just near by."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_410" id="Page_410">[Pg 410]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIVc" id="CHAPTER_XIVc">CHAPTER XIV</a></p> - -<p class="center">HIGH STRATEGY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> going out into the yard, with my three or four papers spread out -in my hand, when I heard myself called. I stopped. It was Captain Ribet.</p> - -<p>"Newspapers are prohibited!" he said.</p> - -<p>I was standing at attention. I gazed at him. Was he joking? In peace -time, I knew they were not allowed. But to-day! Was it a pet fad of -his? Or else were there special instructions?</p> - -<p>His features relaxed. He continued:</p> - -<p>"Will you lend me one?"</p> - -<p>I handed him the whole bundle.</p> - -<p>"Allow me ..." he said. "Just a glance."</p> - -<p>He ran through the first page, and was just going to turn over.</p> - -<p>I made bold to say:</p> - -<p>"There's nothing so exhilarating as that reading, I consider, sir! I -confess I was thinking of letting my men profit by it...." He cut me -short:</p> - -<p>"I understand, I understand you. You're a good sort, Dreher! Two or -three of you have turned out to be extraordinarily useful! I was a -little bit prejudiced against you young <i>bourgeois</i>. I thought you -would be selfish, and not care a rap about your work or anything else. -I was mistaken."</p> - -<p>He added:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_411" id="Page_411">[Pg 411]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I wish all your comrades were like you!"</p> - -<p>I opened my mouth but he stopped me.</p> - -<p>"I know what I'm talking about. I'm quite well aware of it. Look here, -only this morning I had a talk with Descroix and Humel. I've warned -them of one thing, and that is, that if during the first engagement -their men flinch.... Ah! I'm not going to stand any nonsense! It'll be -a case of summary justice, I can tell you!"</p> - -<p>I put in a few words on Humel's behalf.</p> - -<p>"Yes, he's getting himself in hand again, since he's had something to -do with you others!"</p> - -<p>Bless the man! Nothing escaped him. He continued:</p> - -<p>"As for Playoust, nothing on earth will induce me to have him in -my firing-line again. I'm going to arrange to have him sent to the -ammunition-train, but I shall warn them to keep an eye on him there!"</p> - -<p>I said nothing as I felt slightly embarrassed. It was certainly the -first time that the company commander had lingered in tête-à-tête with -one of his N.C. O's. Ravelli, who was a few yards off, must think I was -getting a wigging. I tried to escape.</p> - -<p>"Stop a minute," said Ribet, "if I'm not boring you...."</p> - -<p>He smiled.</p> - -<p>"And stand at ease, Dreher!"</p> - -<p>I moved my left leg, and smiled in my turn.</p> - -<p>Then he began to talk to me in an unexpectedly familiar tone—this man -whom I had thought so proud, so incapable of confiding in any one. He -told me his whole history, how when quite small he had always longed -to be a soldier, how he had been kept back by an illness, and had -failed for St. Cyr (I had always<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_412" id="Page_412">[Pg 412]</a></span> thought he had been through it), why -he had enlisted.... He loyally reported all his disappointments, and -mortifications. It was the last trade in peace time. He appealed to me -to corroborate this statement from the knowledge gained from my brother -whom I had just lost. Oh, the slow advancement, the insufficient pay, -the spirit of jealousy and tyranny...!</p> - -<p>He made a speech for the prosecution. The greatest part of the army was -a mass of laziness, lies, and intrigue. There were two ways of rising -from the ranks: the military school, where hard work did not succeed -except when combined with push (except in regard to successes with the -fair sex), and the Colonies. He had got himself sent to the Soudan, -as an ambitious young subaltern, but at the end of a few months his -liver had become inflamed. Weeks of fever, and a long martyrdom at the -hospital at Brazzaville had followed, and he had finally been sent back -to France with the advice never to set foot in Africa again. It had -meant that his life was wrecked—that he must grow old in the dreary -atmosphere of little garrison towns.</p> - -<p>His tone grew still more bitter when he described the utter boredom, -the flat distractions, the lack of any intellectual milieu, and beyond -that the moral subjection, the physical over-work. The machine was worn -out before its time, one became fit for nothing.</p> - -<p>I could not help asking him:</p> - -<p>"Why ... can't you clear out in time?"</p> - -<p>"Why? Because when once you're in it, you stay there. Made a captain -after fifteen years' service, I waited ten more for—can you guess -what? A trumpery bit of rubbish, the military cross!"</p> - -<p>He continued:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_413" id="Page_413">[Pg 413]</a></span></p> - -<p>"When I retired, I was used up, done! The time for aspiring to -something higher was past, or at all events for the realisation of it. -I was made a tax-collector. That was all that was left for me!"</p> - -<p>Yes, theirs was an odd fate, I thought, the peace-time soldiers, who -come out and mature, acquire lace and age, and end by disappearing -without having realised that for which they imagined they were born.</p> - -<p>I said in order to console him:</p> - -<p>"But since you're fighting to-day...."</p> - -<p>He drew himself up:</p> - -<p>"Exactly. To-day I'm fighting. I am taking risks, I obey and command; -I am, in fact, of some use. At my age, if I had been in the reserve, -they'd have left me at the depôt!"</p> - -<p>He tossed his head.</p> - -<p>"It's true. Taking everything into account, I don't think I regret -anything."</p> - -<p>His eyes shone.</p> - -<p>Of some use! Yes, indeed, this company commander, who had three hundred -men in his charge, and played his part conscientiously, had used and -not abused the power placed in his hands. It was the eternal swing of -the pendulum. Greatness after Servitude!</p> - -<p>He went on with his confidences.</p> - -<p>"You'll laugh at me! The things I was keenest about were the studies -which form the crown of our art—strategy and tactics. To handle masses -of men, and face those many-sided problems—the offensive, the pursuit, -the retreat.... I worked a lot on my own account. There are some -questions on which I don't think ... any one could catch me out."</p> - -<p>He was working himself up.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_414" id="Page_414">[Pg 414]</a></span></p> - -<p>Fancy holding the fate of a section in your hands! Or being -commander-in-chief on a day when the victory he has prepared comes to -pass.</p> - -<p>At this point a little irony crept into my thoughts and chilled my -admiration for him. What was to become of all these ambitions of a -company commander in this fine "dug-out" from St. Maixent? The idea -of exploiting his mania occurred to me. I might get some interesting -information out of him....</p> - -<p>I looked at him.</p> - -<p>"Well, what do you think of the situation at the moment?"</p> - -<p>Did he guess my secret tendency to sarcasm? A struggle seemed to be -going on in him. Mistrust obviously won the day. He would not lay -himself open to ridicule. He treated me to the usual commonplace. We -must hold on, and leave the Russians time to throw all their weight -into the balance. It was a necessity for the Germans to finish us off -quickly.</p> - -<p>"Then you don't think we ought to meet their attack?"</p> - -<p>"That depends!"</p> - -<p>"Well then, do you think our retreat is nearly over?"</p> - -<p>"Ask Joffre!"</p> - -<p>I sounded him:</p> - -<p>"Some people consider that we ought to go and wait for the enemy on the -Loire."</p> - -<p>That was too much for him. He cried:</p> - -<p>"Oh, no, no. That would be absolutely idiotic. I know there was some -talk of it!"</p> - -<p>"How far, then?"</p> - -<p>He hesitated:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_415" id="Page_415">[Pg 415]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I hope some day we may be in a position to take the offensive again!"</p> - -<p>I looked up.</p> - -<p>"Yes," I said, "because at the moment...."</p> - -<p>"Well?"</p> - -<p>"What are we doing?"</p> - -<p>He scrutinised my face.</p> - -<p>"Follow up your idea."</p> - -<p>"We are shutting ourselves into a camp."</p> - -<p>"Does that distress you?"</p> - -<p>"I may be a bad judge."</p> - -<p>He twirled his moustache.</p> - -<p>"Really! You too, you too! You look at things like that?"</p> - -<p>I had him—I had led him on to the point from which I knew he would -launch out.</p> - -<p>"If the worst came to the worst, and Paris was stormed, there would -only be one thing for us, the troops collected here, to do. That would -be to stick in the trenches covering the approach to the forts, and be -killed, down to the last man!... For that matter I think they'd be in a -bit of a hole with our army on their flank. But that's not at all the -position. For four days, Dreher, four days you understand, their new -objective has been visible. They are inclining towards the south-east. -They are set on surrounding all our forces in the field. Under these -circumstances, I think—it seems to me—that a decisive movement...."</p> - -<p>This time he threw restraint to the winds. He began by explaining all -he had been able to follow of the operations since the beginning. In -a lump, of course, but how much I valued that first sight I had had -of things as a whole, at a time when I was sighing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_416" id="Page_416">[Pg 416]</a></span> after light from -the depths of my ignorance. It was in vain that I had instinctively -put myself on guard against the pretensions of an officer in a -subordinate position. I was forced to admire the masterly way in which -he stated the facts, the precision and lucidity of his words, which -would have made of him a remarkable professor of military history. -He summed up for me, in a few words, the action in the North which -until then had been shrouded in a thick mist for me. Our premature -offensive, the strength of the German right under Von Kluck exceeding -all expectations—our English Allies overcome in spite of heroic -efforts—the enemy's wing set in motion and hurled towards Paris by -forced marches which it was impossible to hinder in spite of terrible -sacrifices—our men falling back, fighting day and night, on to the -outskirts of the capital. That was last week's balance sheet. To-day -the enemy had given up the idea of Paris, provisionally and was -applying the new principle: the search for, and the annihilation of, -the hostile armies in the field. It was a far-reaching conception. Just -think of the gigantic forces they had hurled into Lorraine too, which -had just forced us back in a few days from Sarrebourg and Morhange to -the St. Dié-Nancy front. It was a colossal enveloping movement. Our -front pierced towards Neufchâteau, as the principal German mass fell -back by Châlons—our communications cut, that meant all our forces in -the east, and the whole system of our fortified towns caught at one -haul, three-quarters of our strength destroyed, the war virtually over.</p> - -<p>"Then?" I said panting in spite of myself.</p> - -<p>"We have a chance. Will they know how to make use of it? I believe -so—First of all, our right must<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_417" id="Page_417">[Pg 417]</a></span> hold out. Castelnau is down there, -he is the only man who has held his own. Then you see Von Kluck is -clearly leaving Paris on one side. He does not set much store by the -place, only sees it in the stake of victory. That is perhaps a mistake, -perhaps <i>the</i> mistake. Perhaps our one object was to get him to make -that mistake!"</p> - -<p>He took a deep breath:</p> - -<p>"Dreher, listen to this! If we were in the camp in force—and why -shouldn't we be?—if we had had time to concentrate several corps -there, a hundred thousand men say, which I believe is the case—if -we threw ourselves on their flank, imprudently uncovered—if at that -precise instant our other armies made headway against them—if Von -Kluck were suddenly to find himself wedged in a vice...."</p> - -<p>The captain pulled up short. Was he afraid of having said too much, of -having ventured too far in his bold inferences?</p> - -<p>He went on:</p> - -<p>"However, they may be tempted to keep us as a last resource."</p> - -<p>But he could not bear this idea, and refuted it himself instantly:</p> - -<p>"No, a thousand times no! A bad calculation. All the forces on the -spot, and at the right moment! That was what was wanted!"</p> - -<p>He interrupted himself again, with beads of perspiration on his -forehead ... and suddenly said in a detached tone of voice:</p> - -<p>"I say that to you, but I know nothing, nothing. The staffs are the -only judges. Are our numbers sufficient? Is our combination assured, -and the enemy's compromised?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_418" id="Page_418">[Pg 418]</a></span></p> - -<p>An aeroplane passed by. The captain raised his arm:</p> - -<p>"Is it that bird that is bringing decisive information?"</p> - -<p>"Or the order to attack?" I murmured.</p> - -<p>He was silent, and I could get no more out of him but idle -generalities, but I read in his eyes, and face his approbation of my -wish, the conformity of our desire.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_419" id="Page_419">[Pg 419]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVc" id="CHAPTER_XVc">CHAPTER XV</a></p> - -<p class="center">A WORD IN SEASON</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> in a state of great excitement when I left him—a mixture of hope -and anguish aroused by the ascendency of his words. They had been so -clear and categorical, too. I could so vividly imagine the movement -of salvation within our reach. The German right, harassed by a dizzy -offensive, no doubt experiencing difficulties in the replenishment -of supplies, after having lightly embarked on this broad movement of -conversion—with us as a living menace on its flank, well supported by -the camp (were our numbers large enough? That was the chief point), -well rested and provided with ammunition ... what a lot of trumps -we should hold in the advantage of taking them by surprise; the -consciousness of the justice of our cause, the strength drawn from -contact with our Mother City.</p> - -<p>I was possessed with the idea that a decision was urgent. Was not this -the day and the hour, even the minute, that historians would designate -to all eternity as that in which our supreme chance of victory occurred?</p> - -<p>My heart was beating madly. I tried in vain to calm myself by the usual -reflections. I could so well picture the alternative being laid before -the governor of Paris. Either to reserve his army in view of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_420" id="Page_420">[Pg 420]</a></span> -probable siege, or else to hurl it into the furnace down to the last -battalion.</p> - -<p>It was a formidable initiative. The fate of the country in his hands! -All my being was strained, almost to breaking point, towards the side -of boldness. I would have given ten years of my life that this man's -heart might be well tempered.</p> - -<p>I walked feverishly through the streets wherever chance led me, looking -for someone to talk to. I met De Valpic, but he was exhausted and was -going to rest.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin had been warned for orderly duty at the Town Hall. I went -to see him, but did not get much out of him as he was absorbed in his -duties. It was a sight to warm the heart, this string of inhabitants, -coming, each one of them, to offer to have soldiers billeted on them.</p> - -<p>On leaving there, I went to have a look at my men who were cleaning -themselves up and mending their clothes—a laudable care for their -personal appearance, and a way of passing time. According to the -general opinion, we should be there for some time.</p> - -<p>I continued my walk and extended its area. I came to a vague piece of -ground bordered by a hedge. I distinguished the murmur of voices behind -it, and caught sight of some uniforms. Someone exclaimed:</p> - -<p>"Take care!"</p> - -<p>I showed myself. Then they laughed.</p> - -<p>"Halloa! That you, Dreher?"</p> - -<p>Five or six of my comrades from the fifth battalion were seated there -in a circle, Ladmiraut and Miquel among others; Fortin, too. I was -delighted. It will be remembered that I had not seen him since the -incident at the "Globe."</p> - -<p>I went and sat down beside him and began to talk<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_421" id="Page_421">[Pg 421]</a></span> to him in a cordial -tone. Idiotic, the fuss that had been made! Did they still continue to -worry him?</p> - -<p>"Not a bit."</p> - -<p>He spoke rather coldly. Miquel intervened.</p> - -<p>"Rather not! He's in my platoon. I let him off the troublesome -fatigues."</p> - -<p>The conversation seemed to be hanging fire. I asked:</p> - -<p>"What were you talking about when I arrived?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, nothing much—nothing at all interesting. You got any news?"</p> - -<p>I was stupidly inspired to tell them of little Frémont's death.</p> - -<p>"Poor boy!" sighed Laraque.</p> - -<p>"Whose turn is it now?" Fortin remarked.</p> - -<p>Silence fell again. I said:</p> - -<p>"You don't seem very enthusiastic here."</p> - -<p>"Not much reason to be."</p> - -<p>"Oh, come!"</p> - -<p>Fortin gave a start, but his neighbour nudged him, saying:</p> - -<p>"That your opinion?"</p> - -<p>There were smiles. My reputation as a scoffer was indeed well -established. Fortin, without addressing me in particular, murmured:</p> - -<p>"I wonder if there are still any optimists left?"</p> - -<p>"Of course," I said. "Myself for one."</p> - -<p>He gazed at me, refusing to take me seriously; then said, in a tired -voice:</p> - -<p>"I am stating results. The war has been going on for just five weeks -and where have we got to? We've been beaten everywhere and thrown back -on our final redoubt. The amount that was said about defending the -least particle of ground foot by foot,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_422" id="Page_422">[Pg 422]</a></span> till the last extremity! The -extremity has soon come. Let's establish the balance: Lille, Arras, -Amiens, Beauvais, St. Quentin, Mézières, Rheims—by this time probably -Meaux and Châlons; possibly Nancy! A quarter of France invaded. No, I -tell you, there's nothing to be done. They were ready; that's all. They -knew what they wanted."</p> - -<p>I interrupted him, quivering all over. It was my turn now to copy -Guillaumin.</p> - -<p>"Then, according to you, everything is lost?"</p> - -<p>"Oh," he said, "the men are first rate. There's nothing lost by -admitting that. They will probably hold out to the end, in face of all -hope, for honour's sake."</p> - -<p>"And you'll be one of the first to do so," said Miquel.</p> - -<p>"Just like everyone else. It's in our blood. I see our line of -resistance on the Loire, then on the Garonne. The wretched government -will have to move house again."</p> - -<p>"How you run on! And Paris?"</p> - -<p>"It's lucky they didn't bear straight down on it. They'd be entering it -at this very moment."</p> - -<p>"Perhaps they had some reason...."</p> - -<p>"Bah!"</p> - -<p>"All our armies on their flank."</p> - -<p>"Our poor armies! A lot there is left of them!"</p> - -<p>"Really? Look at our regiment. Is it at full strength? Have its numbers -been made up to what they were at the start? Yes. Well, it's the same -thing everywhere. All the depôts have supplied men. As we fell back -we recuperated our reserves while, as long as their communications -go on extending, their front loses in density. They are no longer so -im<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_423" id="Page_423">[Pg 423]</a></span>mensely superior to us in numbers as they were at the beginning, -and their movements are anything but free. Maubeuge was not taken -yesterday."</p> - -<p>"But it will be to-day."</p> - -<p>"One day gained."</p> - -<p>"Oh, yes! That's a good joke, that idea about holding out."</p> - -<p>"Holding out, exactly. We've got to the thirty-fifth day of war. -According to the German plans, we were to be annihilated by that date. -Are we? No. There are all kinds of things lacking."</p> - -<p>"All kinds?" Fortin said ironically.</p> - -<p>"Our line is not broken anywhere; we have only wheeled. You spoke of -Nancy just now. They'd better come and take it from Castelnau! Do you -really want to know what I think? I think they're the ones that are in -the soup."</p> - -<p>A buzz of scepticism greeted my declaration. I continued:</p> - -<p>"First of all, here they are forced to take how many?—three or four -army corps back to the East."</p> - -<p>"To the East? Why?"</p> - -<p>"Against the Russians."</p> - -<p>"Where did you get hold of that idea?"</p> - -<p>"In the papers."</p> - -<p>"Are they to be had?"</p> - -<p>"If you look for them."</p> - -<p>I shook them.</p> - -<p>"You're not curious! You know nothing, then? Not even you, Fortin? -Really? Nothing of our Allies' successes?"</p> - -<p>He raised himself.</p> - -<p>"But look here, are these tales serious?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_424" id="Page_424">[Pg 424]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What d'you mean? Their advance exceeds all expectations."</p> - -<p>I summed up the triple Slav offensive in Prussia, Galicia, and Bosnia.</p> - -<p>They seemed to doubt my statements. I abruptly pulled a newspaper -out of my pocket, spread it out, and read out the headlines of the -articles. I called their attention to the illustration, a mighty -Cossack pointing his lance at Berlin.</p> - -<p>They pressed round me, crushing me, their hands seizing the paper and -their eyes devouring the contents. When their first thirst was allayed -I continued in the most serious tone:</p> - -<p>"There's a first motive for confidence. For the second?... But you've -only got to look at these Sunday crowds. Talk to them and you'll soon -see. We are seeing Paris at her most noble aspect. Don't you realise -that we are living through the most glorious days in our history? -For the first time we have avoided weakening ourselves by political -convulsions in the face of danger. That will save us, simply."</p> - -<p>Some of them nodded in approval. Fortin tried to weaken the impression -I had made.</p> - -<p>"The papers say what they choose."</p> - -<p>I attacked him.</p> - -<p>"And what about you—what are your statements based on?"</p> - -<p>"I should be only too glad," he protested, "to see things take a turn -for the better."</p> - -<p>"No, you don't wish for our success," I cried. "Or at least not -ardently enough. You are the victim of your standpoint. For months -now you have been repeating in your lectures and articles that you -know<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_425" id="Page_425">[Pg 425]</a></span> Germany inside out; that she is powerful and irresistible; that -the future of Europe lies with her while we merely represent a past -about to vanish. Ever since the beginning of the campaign you've -been waiting, with bowed head, for your prophecies to be fulfilled. -I can imagine you warning your companions that 'that will not last,' -whenever any good news arrives, and saying, 'I told you so!' at each -setback. And if you regret it as a Frenchman, which is quite possible, -it's quite obvious that as a philosophical witness you unconsciously -rejoice. You misrepresent the reality. Your vision is warped. You -immediately look at the worst side when endless possibilities are -open to you. Do you wonder that the future looks black to you in such -circumstances? But the most annoying part is that you demoralise those -around you. I implore you to make an effort. Try to be impartial and -honest. Consider all the signs in our favour to-day."</p> - -<p>I continued. I was speaking quickly, overcoming the obscure -embarrassment which usually paralyses me, when it is a question of -holding the attention of an audience. I let my conviction burst forth. -I poured out the arguments I had collected in an imperious flood. By -expressing them I discovered in them fresh truth and amplitude. Far -from becoming involved and detracting from each other, they grouped -themselves into harmonious chains.</p> - -<p>I extolled the morale of the troops; that morale at which we all -expressed ourselves surprised, and Fortin most of all. Surprised? Why -not say exalted? Behind us the nation gave proof of its indomitable -spirit. I laid stress upon the superiority of our generals; the young -blood introduced in high places,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_426" id="Page_426">[Pg 426]</a></span> the incapables placed on the retired -list; and the prodigious problem represented in a retreat of those -dimensions when the whole line must keep in touch, and never cease for -an instant to harass the enemy.</p> - -<p>I suddenly shifted my ground, and reverted to the international -situation which I ventured to depict in broad and summary terms. -The Triple Alliance disintegrated. Austria beaten and occupied in -decimating her Tchek troops. Italy, non-committal, had perhaps already -made up her mind to intervene, but on our side to save her children -in the Trentino, and in Trieste; the Balkans, waiting silently in the -darkness, like a bird of prey, for the death rattle of the first to -be conquered, to claim a share of the carcass. Turkey keeping at a -respectful distance. On our side the Russian giant only inaugurating -the effort which he was capable of increasing for months and years. -The English contributing their incontestable mastery of the seas, -the omnipotence of their gold, the land forces fed by their insular -and colonial reservoirs. Belgium and Serbia, little nations with -unquenchable spirits—yonder on the other surface of the globe, the -Land of the Rising Sun throwing its weight into the balance. The world, -in fact, in coalition against the insolent race which aimed at hegemony -without in any way justifying it.</p> - -<p>At first they had listened to me with a smile as if it were an -excellent joke. Little by little the incredulous curl to their lips -died away. Fortin repeatedly punctuated my remarks with "Exactly, -exactly!"</p> - -<p>A last allusion on Laraque's part to my reputation for "having people -on" fell flat.</p> - -<p>I gaily ventured on new developments. I lost sight of myself. I became -really inspired. It intoxicated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_427" id="Page_427">[Pg 427]</a></span> me to attain to such unlooked-for -ardour. I do not remember quite what I said. I know that my comrades, -with half-opened lips and eyes fixed on mine, hung on my words, and -that for the first time in my life I endured all these gazes bent on me -without false shame.</p> - -<p>Our side was that of Justice, of international fidelity, and respect -for treaties, of Morality, written or unwritten. I was not afraid of -bringing up these popular commonplaces, and I clearly dissociated our -cause, even from that of the Allies. We were the only nation with -completely unsullied hands, and peace-loving hearts. We were the only -ones who, drawn into the struggle against our will, in bearing the -heaviest burden, were fighting for our very existence. I asked them to -think what the French mind meant to the world, what would be missing in -the progress of humanity in the future if we let ourselves be overcome. -We were not only defending our immediate interests, but a certain -smiling Reason, a certain completed and definite genius whose secret -to-day we alone possessed. It was a decisive conflict. Fortin was right -about that. If we were conquered again this time, we should always be. -It would mean that our name would be scratched off the list of leading -nations, our colonies sacrificed, three or four provinces torn from our -Mother-country, who in future would fall a prey, every ten years, to -the appetites of the conqueror.</p> - -<p>The end of France was what the aggressors wanted. To extinguish this -blazing hearth of liberty and light, to smother this ringing voice -continually calling the nations to the realisation of themselves, and -to those in power to respect the down-trodden.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_428" id="Page_428">[Pg 428]</a></span></p> - -<p>Ah, my friends, what an hour it was to strain our faculties, to -prove ourselves worthy of our humbler brothers who were showing -such self-sacrifice and instinctive heroism! We others ought to be -strengthened by our education. I dared to plead the memories of the -soil which bore us. I evoked the rolling uplands of Champagne where we -had lingered yesterday and where we might return again, summoned by the -melancholy accents of the guns. How many battles had been fought and -won there by men of our blood! They were the Catalonian fields, where, -at the dawn of our history, the hordes of barbarians already issuing -from Germany had spent themselves against the vigour of the Gauls, -the allies of Aetius. And was it not just a few miles away, on the -hills and in the valleys which to-morrow's prodigious engagement would -perhaps gain for the enemy, that the astonishing episodes in the French -campaign had been enacted, a hundred years ago! Champaubert, Sesanne, -Montmirail, and again Meaux and Moret. It was there that our fathers, -children of sixteen, the last class eligible for mobilisation, had held -out for weeks, flying from one valley to another, inflicting defeat -after defeat on an enemy five times more numerous, on the European -coalition! And we, after a long peace, well-taught, well-led, animated -with the breath of civism—should we not find a way to hurl back over -our frontiers the enemy whom Napoleon had trodden under his heel?</p> - -<p>I was afraid to end up with a high-flown tirade. I uttered my closing -sentences in a softer voice, as if out of breath. I was still quivering -and, with my eyes on the ground, I threw some pebbles from one hand to -the other, backwards and forwards.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_429" id="Page_429">[Pg 429]</a></span></p> - -<p>There was a silence. Laraque broke it with a joke. "An aeroplane!" -he announced. And it was a hawk! Other frivolous remarks followed. -Suddenly chilled, I asked myself whether my words had missed fire.</p> - -<p>I had no more fear about it a moment afterwards, as we went back to -billets—slight, striking indications—they all had more life in their -movements, something firmer in their tones.</p> - -<p>Fortin had murmured: "I think Dreher's right."</p> - -<p>We were just about to disperse near our school, when some cavalry -turned out of a side street. We saluted the officer at their head, a -colonel. He urged his mount towards us:</p> - -<p>"Hi, there, you foot-sloggers, read that!"</p> - -<p>He held out a paper, which Fortin handed to me without a word.</p> - -<p>Why me? I hesitated about unfolding it. The others shouted: "Yes, yes, -give it to Dreher, that's it!"</p> - -<p>I felt as if I were in a dream. At the first glance I understood. A -proclamation signed "Joffre."</p> - -<p>I said: "Call the others!"</p> - -<p>The signal had already been given. A torrent of men flowed in from -all the different companies. There was a bench just by. I got up on -to it. From there I dominated the crowd which was gathering round me -in increasing numbers. Soon half the regiment was there, and some -passers-by joined on. There were shouts of: "Listen! Listen!" Then a -dead silence.</p> - -<p>I began to read, subconsciously approving the way in which I raised my -voice and scanned each syllable. It was the famous order of the day, -which has so often been reproduced since then.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_430" id="Page_430">[Pg 430]</a></span></p> - -<p>"At the moment in which a battle is beginning upon which the fate of -the nation hangs.... Troops which can no longer advance must be killed -where they stand rather than give ground."</p> - -<p>Not a syllable escaped me. Not a soul asked for it to be read again. -A ripple ran over this dumb throng. I jumped to the ground, and got -lost in the crush. What intuition urged me to make a dash for our -billets? Hardly had I crossed the threshold—how quickly things -happened!—before a whistle was blown.</p> - -<p>Humel, who was corporal of the day, ran by like a flash. "Come along! -On with your pack!"</p> - -<p>"Are we off again?"</p> - -<p>"That's it!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin appeared.</p> - -<p>"Off we go!"</p> - -<p>De Valpic was the next to turn up: "You read that splendidly!"</p> - -<p>I soon noticed a sort of irresolution among the men, due to surprise -more than anything else. Start again! When they thought they were going -to have several days' rest! And they had felt so sure that there would -be no more fighting in the open for them!</p> - -<p>Some of them had instinctively gathered round me: Judsi, Bouillon, -Corporal Bouguet, Icard, and Gaudéreaux. They were puzzled, too, but -only asked to have things explained. They asked me about the paper that -I had read out. Several of them had not been there.</p> - -<p>"We'll have it again for you!"</p> - -<p>This time I choked with emotion at the last lines. I added:</p> - -<p>"Look here! The Bosches think we're not worth<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_431" id="Page_431">[Pg 431]</a></span> taking into account. -They think we're safely shut up in the camp. We're going to fall upon -them in the rear!"</p> - -<p>Their faces suddenly cleared.</p> - -<p>"Good biz!" said Judsi. "Wot a lark! Lor', the blighters! Wot a biff -we'll give 'em!"</p> - -<p>It was like a fuse followed by an explosion of gaiety. Some of the men -were already buckling on their packs, and others pulling on their boots -and doing them up. Bouguet began to sing at the top of his voice:</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">We don't care a blow!</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Tra-la-la-la.</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">We don't care a blow!</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>Lamalou spoilt his effect.</p> - -<p>"Wot do you mean, 'don't care a blow'?"</p> - -<p>They went on getting ready to a chorus of jests. They might have been -starting off for a holiday.</p> - -<p>Directly I was fully equipped, I went out and was one of the first -to get into the avenue. I could not master the transport which swept -me off my feet, at the thought of going into action. Of taking the -offensive again! The captain must have second sight—and the time was -not past. Our chance was intact, indeed, increased. Heavens! All that I -had hoped for was coming to pass. Let me confess my vanity, my childish -simplicity. I was actually under the delusion that if our luck was -turning, it was my reward, for having drawn myself out of the pit to -help others.</p> - -<p>And was I so very much mistaken? Was I not responsible for a small -share in this immortal decision?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_432" id="Page_432">[Pg 432]</a></span> Would our leaders have taken such -a risk—it was a bold move!—if those waves of faith and enthusiasm, -which a few of us had raised, had not spread from our watchful quarters -right away to them?</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_433" id="Page_433">[Pg 433]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_IX" id="BOOK_IX"><i>BOOK IX</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>September 7th-9th</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIc" id="CHAPTER_XVIc">CHAPTER XVI</a></p> - -<p class="center">FINAL ANTICIPATION</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">We</span> started that evening from Rosny-sous-Bois, and spent part of the -night in the train, slipping along at an indolent pace. We had not the -least idea where we were being taken to. During the last hour, the -rumble of the guns began to make itself heard. We were rolling slowly -towards it.</p> - -<p>The day was breaking when we got out of the truck. A lot of men had -dozed, and had puffy faces, and dirty tongues.</p> - -<p>There was a persistent rumour that if we stopped in the open country, -it meant that the line was cut. There was a station not far off; -Ducostal bicycled to it and told us when he came back that it was -Nanteuil-le-Haudoin.</p> - -<p>The colonel held a consultation with his officers.</p> - -<p>Henriot was rather pale when he reappeared. He took me aside and told -me in confidence that they had just been introduced to a regulation -concerning them. All commanders of units whose men showed signs of -faltering "would be held personally responsible."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_434" id="Page_434">[Pg 434]</a></span></p> - -<p>He sounded me.</p> - -<p>"Do you think that means that we should—be shot?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly! You're lucky to have a platoon like ours!"</p> - -<p>"That's true," he said, regaining his self-possession.</p> - -<p>I added: "While the first—for instance!"</p> - -<p>"Well, well?"</p> - -<p>I stopped, and did not give him my reasons.</p> - -<p>Playoust had left us, when we started from Neuilly. Surprised by the -sudden order transferring him to the ammunition train, he swaggered -as he went off. What an escape! He was sure to get through all right -now! We had not had the courage to refuse to shake hands with him. Only -Guillaumin had warned him:</p> - -<p>"Don't you keep us short of ammunition, or you'll hear about it!"</p> - -<p>The troop train which had brought us shunted and made way for the next -one which disgorged the fifth battalion. The same thing was going on in -front of us and behind us. We must be detraining in force, the whole -division apparently.</p> - -<p>It was about six o'clock when we started off again towards the village -lying about a mile and a half away. The guns boomed incessantly behind -the rising ground near by. It was only a few hours since Nanteuil had -been evacuated by the enemy. I expected the same vision of destruction -and smoking ruins which had appalled us so many times near the Meuse. -No. The houses were standing and intact; but they had certainly taken -their share of plunder. I can recall a grocery shop which had been -ransacked. The contents of sacks, drawers, boxes, and bottles, too, -formed a swamp on the tiles, into which the shop-woman,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_435" id="Page_435">[Pg 435]</a></span> when she left -her counter—I am not exaggerating—sank up to her waist.</p> - -<p>A foul smell hung about. We had not been spoilt, as may be imagined, -in the way of odours, since the beginning of the campaign. Nothing -had come anywhere near this, however. The Bosches had left their -nauseous traces when they went. It was the same thing everywhere—a -manifestation of their <i>Kultur</i>!</p> - -<p>The rare inhabitants who had stayed, not more than a hundred all told, -who greeted us on the pavements, had only one expression for them, -which they repeated between their cheers:</p> - -<p>"Ah, the swine!"</p> - -<p>We halted for a short time at the entrance to a square. Kind women -brought us wine (goodness knows how they had managed to keep it), and -other people took us to their homes with them.</p> - -<p>I let myself be persuaded, but soon came back, sickened. The state of -filth in which the Huns had left these houses was totally indescribable -in polite language. It made me feel extremely ill—the hogs!—but our -<i>poilus</i> were more inclined to laugh.</p> - -<p>For all that no great crimes seemed to have been committed. One matron -holding a little boy of five by the hand was shrieking that one of the -brigands had held the barrel of his revolver to his temple. But judging -by the round and rosy appearance of the kid, a stupid-looking child, -not much harm had been done.</p> - -<p>We started off again. Another old dame hobbled after us with a tale of -some terrible tragedy. They'd had the cheek to commandeer her donkey, -and to make it work all day; the poor animal was simply worn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_436" id="Page_436">[Pg 436]</a></span> out! They -harnessed it to a furniture van! And then in the evening—to end up -with—they had shot, skinned, and roasted it!</p> - -<p>Judsi thought it all a farce, and laughed in the old woman's face:</p> - -<p>"A relation of yours, was it?"</p> - -<p>She fell behind, in a fury, calling us good-for-nothings.</p> - -<p>We followed a paved street, then a cross-road, till we came to a wood. -We went into it and piled arms.</p> - -<p>I sat down with my back against a tree, while Guillaumin and the -subaltern went off into the thicket. De Valpic came and joined me:</p> - -<p>"I believe things will go all right this time," he said.</p> - -<p>I repeated my conversation with the captain. Jove, the man's powers of -divination could not be exaggerated, but he might be mistaken in——</p> - -<p>"The miracle of this war is at hand," De Valpic continued. "I'm -convinced of it." His eyes shone. He murmured: "You'll see it—you'll -see it all right."</p> - -<p>"And why not you?"</p> - -<p>He shook his head. "No. I—I shall stay there."</p> - -<p>"Nonsense!" I upbraided him. What was this childishness? He was no more -exposed than I was, or any of us for that matter! Why give up hope like -this?</p> - -<p>He stopped me. "Just think a minute. Isn't it the best thing that could -happen to me?"</p> - -<p>"Got as far as that?"</p> - -<p>"How do you mean 'as far as that'?"</p> - -<p>He had a fit of coughing which brought colour into his cheeks and tears -into his eyes. "When one has—faith!" he said, "it is less horrible—in -fact it is not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_437" id="Page_437">[Pg 437]</a></span> horrible. What about you, Dreher? Have you never been a -believer?" he asked.</p> - -<p>"Yes," I said. "My mother was very religious. I was brought up in those -ideas. I remember that at my confirmation my one wish, just think of -it, was to become a priest or missionary. I kept on going to mass and -that sort of thing for some years; but since then—no, that's all over. -But I can quite understand people believing."</p> - -<p>De Valpic shook his head. "How can unbelievers bear the idea of death?"</p> - -<p>"There's nothing to be done but fly from it."</p> - -<p>"Impossible!" He lowered his voice. "For me, for instance——!"</p> - -<p>I did not know what to say.</p> - -<p>He continued: "Of course if one thought of death as annihilation in -the dark, if one thought that nothing, nothing would survive of this -substance, that one was—Ah! How dream of that without terror! I can -understand shutting one's eyes to it then. And, on the other hand, -it seems to me that to live without thinking of death, and without -thinking of it often, is to blind oneself, to renounce all broad and -free judgment. How well religion provides for all that! What courage -it gives to the dying, as well as to the living! And is not all wisdom -resumed in this: to give courage to man?—I was talking to you of my -fiancée yesterday; she believes. Otherwise would she have continued -to be engaged to me when she knew I was ill, and would she have let -me go, expecting that I should not come back?" He smiled. "I don't -want to preach to you, Dreher, but as you once were one of us, let me -remind you that the God in whom we hope is just. Because our people's -hope, throughout the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_438" id="Page_438">[Pg 438]</a></span> ages, has been in Him; because our nation has -been the elder daughter of His Church, I believe that His hand is -upon us. Will He allow us to succumb? No. Listen! This miracle I was -talking about—at heart you expect it just as I do—if I have entire -confidence in it, it is because I believe in the existence of an order -superior to man; in a Providence, if you will, that will not allow the -accomplishment of such iniquity. Our country will be saved because -she will deserve to go on living. How good it is to fight, when one -does not feel that one is fighting amidst the cold concatenation of -phenomena, but in the conviction that a supreme tutelary force upholds -and directs our efforts."</p> - -<p>I considered him as he sat there with his chin in his hands and black -lines under his eyes. So he had been through the deep waters at the -beginning, when he had had to tear himself away from the hope of human -happiness. Now he was resigned to it. He was not lying when he said -that he looked forward to his certain end, which was so near at hand, -without horror. His glorious smile retained confidence in the future -beyond the grave. It was only a relative end, a transition whose -anguish was attenuated since he was sure of living again with those -whom he loved.</p> - -<p>Oh, the consolation in religion! This association of well-worn words -recovered its full meaning in my eyes. Nothing but faith could raise -man to such abnegation. The profound and primitive instinct, an -instinct comparable to love in its folly and grandeur!</p> - -<p>I was tempted, for a moment, to admit that that also was being reborn -in me. And then, no—no! I assured myself that I had been separated -from it beyond return, by my reading and speculations. This past -would never blossom again. At least I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_439" id="Page_439">[Pg 439]</a></span> recalled the memory of it -with tenderness. For a long time I had thought myself rallied to the -quizzical scepticism of Laquarrière and his like. How many ties still -bound me to the unsophisticated child that I had been. I would have -the sons that Jeannine gave me brought up in the lap of Catholicism, -too. Neither their mother nor I would take any steps to convert them to -pitiless reason too soon. Like us they might, later on, be led away by -the trend of modern thought and forsake religion, but their stay in its -realm would leave them like me with respect for the Illusion reflected -in certain eyes.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin came to tell us that it would not be long before we started, -the regiment next us was on the move. "What a glorious day!" he -exclaimed.</p> - -<p>The eight o'clock sun was slipping through the tracery of the branches -on to the leaves grown rusty at the approach of autumn. The air was -mild and warm. Swarms of midges were flying about. We caught the hum of -mosquitoes' wings, but they did not sting. The men were rolling about -on the moss; our Parisians conjured up the delights of the Bois de -Verrières.</p> - -<p>We all three went to the edge of the little wood. De Valpic stretched -out his arms and drank in the health-giving air, soaked with light.</p> - -<p>"Ah! How good it is!" he said. "How one lives here! How one -realises—too late—that one was ill-suited for living in towns, that -one would have done better in beautiful country like this!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin laughed. "A little flat, this country. It's certainly not up -to Argonne!"</p> - -<p>"My dear chap, don't talk like a snob. Just put your prejudices aside -for a moment, and take a look."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_440" id="Page_440">[Pg 440]</a></span></p> - -<p>De Valpic playfully made us admire the trees, the play of the sunlight -and the breeze, the immense vista on the right, over a sea of waving -corn, and down below those wooded islets, outposts of the deep forests -which, we knew, dominated the surrounding country. The sweetly named -Île de France, the land of plenty and of poetry—the most pleasant -climate in the world. Senlis and Compiègne, a few miles away—Jean -Jacques' Ermenonville gracious legends spring from this soil. Not far -off Gérard de Nerval had sung of Sylvia.</p> - -<p>His playfulness was not assumed. We listened to him captivated. I -tasted in his conversation a sort of funereal charm. I felt as if I -were listening to Socrates conversing with his disciples as he drank -the hemlock.</p> - -<p>The air was filled with whirring sounds. We had a vivid and fleeting -vision of two aeroplanes, a French one and a Taube, passing over our -heads, struggling for height and speed, engaged in a duel to the death, -both of them armed with machine-guns which crackled under the open sky.</p> - -<p>They were just on the point of vanishing when suddenly the German one -dipped. The pilot was no doubt hit. The wings folded and it dropped -like a stone.</p> - -<p>"A good omen!" Guillaumin exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Twenty minutes afterwards we started.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_441" id="Page_441">[Pg 441]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIc" id="CHAPTER_XVIIc">CHAPTER XVII</a></p> - -<p class="center">WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">A magnificently</span> monotonous memory, our march that day. It lasted from -nine o'clock in the morning until six o'clock at night. Its scene was a -vast tableland, completely exposed, fields of beetroot alternating with -fields of corn and oats. The harvest had been got in nearly everywhere. -There were groups of stacks by the roadside.</p> - -<p>Directly we came out of the woods, we were marked by the hostile -artillery. Their object was to stop us at any price by their <i>tirs -de barrage</i>. The rumbling went on all day without a pause. It is -impossible to give any idea of the horror of it. By midday, everyone of -us was deaf.</p> - -<p>The diabolical jaws of the horizon! Big and little German guns were -talking. Our 75's retorted—rather feebly, it is true. The distance -must have been too great, and apparently did not silence a single one -of the enemy's batteries.</p> - -<p>This plain was a hell, a hell: iron and fire, every imaginable peril, -a conspiracy of the elements. To begin with, there was a continuous -flight of Teuton aeroplanes above our heads, dropping bombs of -different kinds, which fell with a muffled sound. The din of the big -"coal-boxes," the shriek of the 77's, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_442" id="Page_442">[Pg 442]</a></span> thunder-clap of explosions, -and the columns of tainted smoke staking out the ground.</p> - -<p>Our regiment went on advancing; so did one on our right and one on our -left, and others farther away. Our soldiers were swarming as far as eye -could see, a calm and regular deployment. We marched for a long time by -platoons, in columns of four; then by platoons two deep; and at last in -skirmishing order; each officer, each N.C.O., each connecting file in -his place. The silence and impeccable order were in striking contrast -with the blind fury of the projectiles. Mind against matter.</p> - -<p>All our men had realised the solemnity of the task. Three quarters -of them were experienced heroes, who had already fought ten times; -the rest were raised to the same moral level by virtue of their -surroundings. There could be nothing more impressive than this -sustained and irresistible advance, under shell fire, of thousands and -thousands of men who never fired a single shot.</p> - -<p>By a miracle, our casualties, on the whole, were not very severe. -What unflagging inspiration was shown by our leaders of all ranks! -Imperceptible, serpentine movements protected each unit in turn from -the mortal line of fire. How many times did we see a broadside of four -"coal-boxes" fall just where we had been hardly thirty seconds before, -or else where we would have been but for a fortunate zigzag! What -hazard protected us? I protest that one was tempted to bow before a -Providence, like De Valpic. The men betrayed this feeling, murmuring:</p> - -<p>"We are blessed!"</p> - -<p>We advanced at the double, lay down and got up again, just as at -manœuvres. What am I saying?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_443" id="Page_443">[Pg 443]</a></span> Better than that. We kept our -intervals and direction with incredible exactitude. There was not a -straggler or funk among us. All honour to these proud troops, these -splendid soldiers! They are dead—dead, nearly all of them. They -appeared to feel, in the vague intuition of their flesh, in the -vibration of the nourishing air, that their end, even if they survived -to-morrow's sanguinary triumph, was inscribed on the pages of the -disastrous winter or the fatal spring to come. There was no sadness -or despair, but something indescribably resigned and shy crept into -their gait. Joking was out of date. Judsi himself had put a damper on -his animation. We kept on and gained ground. At one point—the wonders -could not be repeated indefinitely—a single <i>rafale</i> on our left mowed -down about forty men. We did not slacken our pace—hardly turned our -heads.</p> - -<p>We went on in a rising tide, and I thought how the sight of this -inexorable multitude rolling towards them, like God's judgment, must -strike terror into the hearts of the enemy's gunners.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>At the end of the day we neared a wood. I was very much afraid lest -the hostile infantry might be hidden there, watching for us. Those -barricades of trees looked most suspicious. Our reconnoitring patrol -went on ahead of us. I trembled for their safety. The rest of us lay -down and waited in an agony of fear. Not a shot was fired. What a -relief it was when the wood turned out to be unoccupied—by living men, -at all events.</p> - -<p>When we, in our turn, penetrated into it, we found it strewn with dead -bodies. What a struggle must have raged there during the last few -days! There<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_444" id="Page_444">[Pg 444]</a></span> was not much undergrowth, which made it propitious for -hand-to-hand fighting. The scene was re-enacted in my mind. The Bosches -about to continue their defensive organisation, surprised by the attack -of the rifle brigade—our dead bore this uniform. The furious onslaught -with the sword. We had driven them back at the point of the bayonet and -massacred them wholesale. In advancing, we came upon heaps of Germans. -We had lost a great many men, too, but they had cleared the way for -us. We were duly grateful to them and the men stepped carefully and -reverently over their remains as they advanced in single file.</p> - -<p>"Pore old chaps!" sighed Icard. "You're havin' a rest now and it's our -turn to do the swottin'."</p> - -<p>Evening was falling. We had not gone more than three hundred yards -after leaving the wood, when we halted. We were warned to make the best -of the position. A certain sector was allotted to us, and we were told -that we must hold it all the next day. Hold it only? Guillaumin looked -at me and pulled a face. What we wanted to do was to get on. The Big -Push was what we were out for. He urged me to question the captain -on the situation, as I was on such good terms with him. I refused. A -little occurrence which had taken place that morning was still rankling -in my mind. I had thought I might be permitted to ask our company -commander whether the enemy was far off. Ribet had heard me all right, -but had not deigned to answer. He had looked through me as if I did not -exist, and then called his orderly. That meant—what? Simply that the -captain intended to be familiar only when it suited him. I had been -annoyed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_445" id="Page_445">[Pg 445]</a></span> and offended. I should let him make the advances, next time!</p> - -<p>The lieutenant seemed embarrassed by the task entrusted to him. As we -were occupying the edge of a wood the temptation was great to make use -of the resources at hand—the trees for instance. Henriot bustled about -and had the saws got out; then asked me whether there was not some way -of getting hold of some petard of melinite to put round the big trunks. -He spoke too loudly. The <i>poilus</i> snorted when they heard him. Nobody -felt inclined to undertake such a piece of work which would have lasted -all night. And then, we were so certain to leave it all behind when we -charged to-morrow.</p> - -<p>Some time was lost in bandying words. We had been there for half an -hour when the captain came up.</p> - -<p>"Not begun yet?"</p> - -<p>Henriot began to unfold his plan. Ribet cut him short, after the first -words.</p> - -<p>"You're quite off the mark! The edge of a wood! Do you imagine we're -going to settle down at the edge of a wood—a line which is sure -to be especially marked? You wouldn't have a man left. Take two or -three hundred yards in front there. Exactly! And now dig me some good -trenches!"</p> - -<p>"Deep ones, sir?"</p> - -<p>"That's your lookout. You must arrange that. Let your men do the best -they can—and remember that you may be attacked any minute."</p> - -<p>He went on. His tall silhouette disappeared behind the bushes.</p> - -<p>Covered by a new patrol party, we chose a piece of ground of the -length indicated. Night had come. The stars shone out one by one. -The cannonade was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_446" id="Page_446">[Pg 446]</a></span> diminishing in intensity. The long beams of the -searchlight were probing the dark sky in all directions.</p> - -<p>And now to our task. Guillaumin and I wielded spades ourselves, but the -work did not get on fast, in spite of our efforts to hasten it. The men -were lazy. They had made so many of these trenches in the Meuse and in -Argonne which were never used at all.</p> - -<p>At the end of an hour we had a ditch only a yard wide at the most, and -not deep, allowing just enough room to fire kneeling down. We had to be -content with it.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_447" id="Page_447">[Pg 447]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XVIIIc" id="CHAPTER_XVIIIc">CHAPTER XVIII</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE FIRST IMPACT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">What</span> made me a little anxious was the need for sleep manifest in nearly -everyone. Sentries were to relieve each other in definite order—but -what guarantee was there? In another hour all these men, who were -yawning now, would be snoring!</p> - -<p>I myself was dying to go to sleep. In view of the gravity of the -situation I encouraged myself in the idea of going the rounds every -hour. But the lieutenant came to find us and told us of his intention -of mounting guard himself. He asked us, in a friendly way, to do the -same on our side. We three between us would ensure the safety of the -sector.</p> - -<p>We must needs bow to necessity. I was tempted to admire Henriot; -he showed the vigilance of a real leader. Then I smiled. It was no -doubt the effect of the minute received that morning concerning -responsibilities.</p> - -<p>What an interminable vigil that was. The men slept like logs, -including, to begin with at all events, several of the sentries. I can -answer for it that I shook them in a way that made them sit up.</p> - -<p>When I got back to the picket I had chosen, I had all I could do to -keep awake myself. A helmet of lead seemed to encircle my temples. -I had a headache and felt overpoweringly drowsy. I dozed off<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_448" id="Page_448">[Pg 448]</a></span> about -midnight, but not for long, luckily! The respite did me good.</p> - -<p>Hour after hour passed by. It was a clear night, though the moon made -only a late appearance. The landscape was lacking in any conspicuous -features. There was nothing that caught one's eye right away to the -horizon, which might be near or far.</p> - -<p>It would not be long before daybreak. We were freezing where we stood. -B-r-r! B-r-r-r! I shook myself and rubbed my shirt against my skin to -warm myself. My attention had wandered.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin suddenly appeared. I had not seen him coming.</p> - -<p>He said to me:</p> - -<p>"Not noticed anything?"</p> - -<p>"No. Have you?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, for the last few minutes.... I think there's something doing."</p> - -<p>We strained our ears for a few thrilling seconds. Dead silence. -Guillaumin admitted that he must have been mistaken, and apologised. -But at this point Bouillon came crawling along in a hurry.</p> - -<p>"Here come the Bosches. Look! Look!"</p> - -<p>Yes. There was a moving line yonder, cutting across the pale grey of -the stubble.</p> - -<p>What orders would the lieutenant give? We went to look for him, quickly -rousing the <i>poilus</i> on our way. They got up, rubbing their eyes, and -noiselessly seized their rifles at the order to stand to arms.</p> - -<p>We met Bouguet on the way, equally on the alert. The whole platoon -was breathless with excitement. We passed word along the line to our -neighbours.</p> - -<p>And what of Henriot? We ended by discovering the poor wretch, who had -probably held out all night<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_449" id="Page_449">[Pg 449]</a></span> against his weariness, overcome by it at -last, and snoring away with his head on his arm.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin shook with laughter.</p> - -<p>"A lot of good all his trouble had been!"</p> - -<p>He wanted to startle him by clapping him on the back. I objected. What -was the good of humiliating him? I arranged to catch him with my elbow -as I brushed past, and deferentially inquired as he moved:</p> - -<p>"Is that what you would advise, sir?"</p> - -<p>"What! What!" he said, opening his eyes.</p> - -<p>"To send word to the captain."</p> - -<p>He raised himself up to listen to us, and approved our suggestions.</p> - -<p>It was like a moving film!... That dark silent line, that line of -assailants at which we turned to look continually, which we imagined -was still a long way off. The speed was suddenly quickened. There was -a sound of galloping—which seemed quite near. I strained my eyes, my -lips opened with a jerk. I took a step forward....</p> - -<p>Henriot blew his whistle.</p> - -<p>I can still hear the rip of that imperious salvo. A volley of shrieks -answered it from the plain, and dispelled my shudders.</p> - -<p>And the salvo grew more violent and rolled along the whole line of -trenches. We saw nothing further: simply went on firing, sweeping -the ground in front of us. I shouldered my rifle and discharged it -distractedly, just as mad as the others. The crash and uproar rose and -swelled and threatened.</p> - -<p>It did not last more than a minute. The attack was badly carried out, -or, at all events, sustained. It was an entire failure. Our firing -persisted. Cries could still be heard, but of pain now, and also the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_450" id="Page_450">[Pg 450]</a></span> -interjections of officers rallying their men. There were smothered -moans and death-rattles. Our firing still continued. When it ceased -nothing was moving on the plain and only an occasional guttural groan -could be heard. When the dawn came we saw the stubble-fields strewn -with bodies, some of them less than thirty yards away. They had fallen -face foremost. The rest had been hit in flight. It was impossible to -go and pick up even the dying. They must stay there all day, ghastly -witnesses of the encounter.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was broad daylight now.</p> - -<p>Where had the enemy taken refuge? Probably behind one of those distant -copses, unless they occupied trenches somewhere in this undulating -plain which sloped gently away.</p> - -<p>The German artillery was obviously anxious that we should not forget -its presence. The avalanche of shells started again with terrific fury. -Nothing but big "coal-boxes." Luckily all or nearly all of them roared -over our heads to explode in the woods. Suppose we had stayed there!</p> - -<p>The captain appeared towards seven o'clock and told us that we should -be there for some time.</p> - -<p>One pleasant surprise was the coffee, which was brought up from the -rear by Fachard and Pomot, two cheery fellows who were seen coming -along in the distance, smiling and fearless, gaily swinging their -dixey. They had had to cross the zone of fire to get to us. When -questioned, they admitted that they had had no orders. It was simply an -idea of theirs to warm the lads up a bit. And they meant to go back. -Fachard was no less a personage than the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_451" id="Page_451">[Pg 451]</a></span> colonel's cook. His duty -called him. Oh no, that couldn't be allowed. Lamalou forbade them to -move. The colonel and his stew would have to look after themselves. -They weren't going to let lads like that get themselves pinked, not -much.</p> - -<p>The captain, who turned up again, began by giving the two cronies a -good slanging. A piece of nonsense that might have drawn the fire on -to us. Then he calmed down and asked if he might taste their famous -coffee, and congratulated them on it.</p> - -<p>Pomot took a fancy to our platoon and stayed with us. I talked to him, -but did not get much out of him at first. The thing that had struck him -most was a shell which had just killed two staff-officers. Oh, yes, -and then he had heard that reinforcements had arrived. An important -piece of news that. I pressed him—then he told me a fantastic tale -which had got about of taxis having brought up Zouaves and Turcos and -Foreign Legion men, all night, nothing but those frightful creatures -from Africa! It seemed to me an unlikely tale, but I thought it worth -spreading all the same. It gave the men a tremendous fillip.</p> - -<p>"Them chaps knows the business end of a bayonet all right w'en they -sees it!"</p> - -<p>Some time passed. I was occupied in getting our trench made deeper. The -men put their backs into it better than they had the day before. But -the captain immediately gave orders to stop the work, not to attract -the attention of the enemy's lookout men. Everyone appeared delighted. -They only bemoaned the fact that they were forbidden to smoke.</p> - -<p>The German shells fell unceasingly, with clumsy, obstinate precision, -a few hundred yards behind us. Part of the wood was on fire and black -smoke hung<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_452" id="Page_452">[Pg 452]</a></span> above it. Sometimes when a shell fell near the edge of the -wood leaves and branches could be seen spurting up, as at the kick of -some huge monster.</p> - -<p>It certainly was a rest for us. The crash of bursting shells no -longer startled us. We had even given up ducking when the projectiles -swished over our heads. The men were sitting or lying about in drowsy -attitudes. Many of them were taking another nap. Aided by a natural -feeling of indolence they ended by taking it for granted that this sort -of fighting would last.</p> - -<p>Another hour went by. I vaguely wished I could take some interest in -the struggle. If only I had had a periscope or some field-glasses. I -was too slack to go and borrow Henriot's. For a moment I experienced a -kind of humiliation—was this all that would be required of us? Should -we share in the glory of this victory without having earned it?—No -one, up till then, doubted that it would be a victory—and leave the -honour of the decisive attacks to those African devils? And then I must -admit that this thought suddenly pleased me. I should get off easily -and my friends too. Everything seemed to be turning out for the best. -And De Valpic? Oh, he would recover.</p> - -<p>Then, lulled by the deafening tumult of the cannonade, with my eyes -half closed, I indulged in visions of a tender face. I wandered, -enchanted, in the golden mists of the future....</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_453" id="Page_453">[Pg 453]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XIXc" id="CHAPTER_XIXc">CHAPTER XIX</a></p> - -<p class="center">HOLDING OUT</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I was</span> aroused from these day-dreams by a hullabaloo. The men were on -their feet shouting: "Here they come! Here they come!"</p> - -<p>I tried to impose silence on them: so much waste breath. And I was -infuriated by hearing shots being fired without any orders having been -given.</p> - -<p>I leaned on the parapet, but could see nothing. I shouted: "What in -thunder are you shooting at?"</p> - -<p>At that moment the well-known screeches lashed the air. I flung myself -down. German bullets!</p> - -<p>Bouillon said, below his breath: "The blighters! Their trenches weren't -far off."</p> - -<p>When their volley was over we looked for them. They must have lain -down. I consulted Lamalou: "A thousand yards, do you think?"</p> - -<p>"Eight hundred, not more."</p> - -<p>I gave the men orders to correct their sight. They had all been firing -at four hundred in their surprise.</p> - -<p>A rumour spread that they were coming.</p> - -<p>"Fire! Fire!"</p> - -<p>This time we could see them. Quite a change! Nearly everywhere, at -Tailly, Halles, and Beauclair we had had to fire at random. How often I -had cursed their invisible uniforms! Here, again, this grey line melted -into the ground tint.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_454" id="Page_454">[Pg 454]</a></span></p> - -<p>Never mind. Our men fired rapidly and coolly. The others threw -themselves down again and their projectiles forced us to crouch down in -our turn.</p> - -<p>"There are an awful lot of them, the dirty dogs!" Henriot said to me.</p> - -<p>"As many as all that?"</p> - -<p>"Yes. I've been using my field-glasses. And they advance shoulder to -shoulder, looking as if they meant to swamp everything."</p> - -<p>"Oh, well, we're here!" I said. But I glanced at our sparsely covered -line. Had we reserves anywhere! It was to be hoped so, but until -further orders, we had only ourselves to count on.</p> - -<p>The enemy was gaining ground. However, discipline had soon been -established among us. Each time the hostile mass moved, we "loosed off -a belt." Everyone was cool and collected, no more panic like there had -been at Mangiennes. Each <i>poilu</i> was determined to get the most out of -the good Lebel in his hands.</p> - -<p>I went up and down, warning them not to waste ammunition. I watched -Corporal Donnadieu for a few minutes. How would he manage with his -mutilated hand? Well, he used nothing but his left hand to rest his -rifle on. It grazed one of the stumps and forced him to stifle an -exclamation of pain. He did not lose a single second in firing and -recharging in spite of his puckered forehead and clenched teeth.</p> - -<p>"Good for you, old chap," I said.</p> - -<p>He did not answer, but his eyelashes fluttered.</p> - -<p>Our trench lacked depth, the firing-steps were missing—a grave cause -of fatigue. I reproached myself bitterly for our slackness the day -before. If only<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_455" id="Page_455">[Pg 455]</a></span> we had taken the trouble to dig a little bit deeper, -to fetch wood, and arrange loopholes.</p> - -<p>The Bosches manœuvred skilfully. Some of them crouched down and -facilitated their comrades' advance by firing. Then they took their -turn at advancing while the others protected them.</p> - -<p>There was nothing for us to do but to fire. Fire without ceasing -for an instant, even under a hail of bullets. The men had realised -this sanguinary obligation. There was no need for leadership. It was -splendid to see them, taking aim without hurrying themselves over it, -under the deadly torrent. The casualties began immediately. Trichet was -the first to fall with a hole through his neck. A machine-gun of theirs -had just begun to talk, and things were looking black in other ways. -The shells which, for a long time, had been negligible, now began to -find the range in the most alarming manner. The ground shook. Three men -in No. 2 platoon had their heads taken off at a blow.</p> - -<p>The enemy was drawing nearer, and was not more than about four hundred -yards away now. I confess I was extremely miserable. Another quarter of -an hour and they would be within charging distance. We should have to -meet this human avalanche and we should not be one to their five.</p> - -<p>I almost formed the cowardly wish that we might retire without waiting -any longer. How agonising it was. We should certainly never be strong -enough to withstand them. A wave of irritation rose in me against our -artillery which was incapable of intervening at the right moment, -having been completely annihilated by the heavy German batteries, -and also against the superior military authorities who gave us<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_456" id="Page_456">[Pg 456]</a></span> no -support. And I was paralysed by a sudden fear. We were using a lot -of cartridges. Suppose our supplies were to give out! Playoust would -be sure to be stopping ever so far behind with his waggons. What a -ridiculous idea it had been to entrust him with that work.</p> - -<p>The sight that gave me new strength just as I was feeling inclined to -give way, and on the point of being false to all that I was and wished -to be, was the attitude of the men. I can see them now taking aim and -recharging, with their manly, straightforward, earnest faces. There was -no confusion. They made admirable practise, their rifles leaping to -their shoulders, or falling again in good earnest. What moral strength -they showed! What a genius for resistance! How much their nerve had -improved, and their courage increased during the last four weeks! It -seemed to me that their virtue was, in part, my work, that my attempts -at patient, serene exhortation were bearing their fruit. How grateful I -was to them, my brothers. They were returning my lesson—not to argue, -but to fight. To fulfil one's obscure duty. They were right. After -all if we were to be killed at this spot in accordance with a higher -scheme; if success were only to be won at this price!</p> - -<p>The enemy were no longer making any progress. They had got to the point -after which any further advance under fire is merely an act of heroic -folly. Our losses were not very great—only two killed in the platoon -and four or five wounded, among them Bouguet, who, with a shattered -arm, had distributed his rounds of ammunition, and was standing up -boldly and reporting on the slightest movements of our adversaries.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_457" id="Page_457">[Pg 457]</a></span></p> - -<p>The Bosches had been badly cut up. We felt as if we were at a short -practise range. After having fired at the mass as a whole for a long -time we were now choosing our target. I remember a great lout who was -running with large strides ahead of his companions. He got exactly into -my line of fire. It was his destiny. I took aim, but he threw himself -down in the stubble. I was patient enough to keep my rifle pointed at -the spot where he had disappeared—it was a risky thing to do as the -bullets were whistling round me. I waited anxiously for him to get up. -He delayed and delayed. At last he moved. Then I pressed the trigger. -Tac! My shot carried and he fell.</p> - -<p>I shut my eyes, feeling strangely giddy. Yes. After five weeks' -fighting, he was the first victim definitely attributable to me. -Heavens! My inborn gentleness and that of my education were to end in -this—in taking life! I had killed a man. A man with a mother and a -wife. That handsome fellow. I thought of my friends in Thuringia, of -Otto Kraëmer, sturdy and gentle.</p> - -<p>"Wake up! What in the world are you thinking of?" said Bouillon, who -was standing beside me.</p> - -<p>I shook myself and took my sight again. It was all part of the war. He -was one of those who had massacred my brother. It was a case of killing -or being killed—him or me!</p> - -<p>For a long time we prevented them from moving. We saw the horde get up -in a flock and dash forward twenty times or more. At the same instant -we met them with our fire, coldly precise. Their leaders, who were -urging them on, were recognisable, not so much by their uniform as by -their movements. Many of them were hit and the ardour of the troops -diminished.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_458" id="Page_458">[Pg 458]</a></span> They were well-drilled infantry, but they lacked keenness.</p> - -<p>We lost all interest in everything but this narrow strip of ground -swept by our fire. I put down my rifle which had burnt my fingers. The -mechanism had got jammed in several places and I mended it as if in a -dream.</p> - -<p>We did not fire incessantly. There were moments of inaction when I -tried to analyse my feelings in accordance with my old intellectualism. -I came to grief over it. My ideas got blocked, and I gripped the trail -of my Lebel, my one object in existence. One thought alone subsisted in -the void of my brain, and I clung to it. Those men must not be allowed -to take another step in our direction.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>All notion of time was lost again. I remember that I looked for the sun -in the sky. It was shining a long way from the point at which I had -expected to find it. My wrist watch had stopped, the glass was broken.</p> - -<p>From time to time Guillaumin came to look me up and make some remark -such as "Hot work, what!"</p> - -<p>This time he leant towards me and said something which I could not -quite catch. I got him to repeat it.</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>Ah. Now I understood. How many rounds had my men got left?</p> - -<p>"Mine have about fifteen," he said.</p> - -<p>"About the same here, too."</p> - -<p>We looked at each other. I murmured: "And what about the replenishment."</p> - -<p>"Ssh!"</p> - -<p>He put his finger to his lips. As if the men had not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_459" id="Page_459">[Pg 459]</a></span> noticed the -imminent penury! Several of them had applied to Lamalou for some of his -share.</p> - -<p>Luckily the enemy's fire was weakening equally. Both sides were drawing -breath. The Germans' heavy artillery never paused for an instant. The -explosions of enormous "Jack Johnsons" barked all round us. One of -them, which fell less than twenty yards away, dug a hole of ten feet -and filled part of our trench with the earth it displaced.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin and I threw despairing glances towards the rear. The look of -the wood had changed completely since morning. A wood? There was not a -tree standing!</p> - -<p>Guillaumin grumbled: "If I could get hold of Playoust!"</p> - -<p>I quite agreed.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_460" id="Page_460">[Pg 460]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XXc" id="CHAPTER_XXc">CHAPTER XX</a></p> - -<p class="center">WE ARE NOT DEFEATED</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">How</span> stiff I was. I stretched. Every joint was aching. I started off, -meaning to go all along the bit of line held by the platoon.</p> - -<p>The trench was so narrow that the men had to glue themselves against -the parapet in order to let me pass. I forced myself to give a friendly -word of encouragement to each man. I suddenly bumped into a body. -Gaudéreaux! The poor fellow's skull had been crushed like a nut.</p> - -<p>There were wounded men here and there. Bouguet, who had had to give in -and sit down, his face drawn with pain; and Icard, with folded arms, as -plucky as ever, though his shoulder had been ripped up by a splinter of -shrapnel.</p> - -<p>For whom was I looking? I did not realise it until De Valpic hove in -sight. There he was, safe and sound. What a relief! His cap was pushed -back on his forehead, his cheek-bones were purple, and he had a scratch -on his temple which was bleeding.</p> - -<p>He had caught sight of me, and was coming up when I saw Chailleux, our -connecting file, appear behind him. He shouted:</p> - -<p>"Where's the lieutenant?"</p> - -<p>"Any orders?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, we're to fall back."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_461" id="Page_461">[Pg 461]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"In artillery formation."</p> - -<p>I was disgusted.</p> - -<p>"How absolutely idiotic."</p> - -<p>De Valpic exclaimed in a hoarse voice:</p> - -<p>"We're outflanked on the right."</p> - -<p>The edge of the wood sloped away on that side.</p> - -<p>A sudden squall hurled us all to the ground. We were blinded by soil. -De Valpic was half buried. Two yards from us a man, who was leaning -against the parapet, reeled, but remained standing on his feet. -Horrors! His head was severed as if by the blow of an axe, just above -the contorted mouth. De Valpic who had freed himself, and was none the -worse, except for feeling somewhat dazed, could not bear the sight of -it. He tottered, and his eyes were dimmed. I went to his help, but he -recovered himself immediately.</p> - -<p>"Carry on, carry on," he murmured. "You're needed over there."</p> - -<p>I went back and found Henriot feverishly repeating:</p> - -<p>"Now, don't let's lose our heads."</p> - -<p>"It's a good job we're going to hook it," Guillaumin said to me. "We're -about done."</p> - -<p>It was quite true. There were nothing but bewildered, dazed-looking -men all round, with strained and haggard faces and trembling hands. -They would not have counted for much against a resolute onslaught. The -enemy, cautious and practical, seemed as busy as possible digging new -trenches two hundred yards away from us.</p> - -<p>I looked blankly at Guillaumin:</p> - -<p>"What do you think? Are we done for?"</p> - -<p>He began to chaff me.</p> - -<p>"Could we ever be done for?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_462" id="Page_462">[Pg 462]</a></span></p> - -<p>The quartermaster-sergeant came round, with two of the men. All three -were smilingly handing round their caps, collecting:</p> - -<p>"Please help the poor."</p> - -<p>What did they want? Ammunition? Yes, a few extra rounds for the platoon -which was to stay and cover the retreat.</p> - -<p>I started. So some men were to be sacrificed. I put on a detached tone:</p> - -<p>"Which platoon has been warned for the job?"</p> - -<p>"They drew lots," he said. "It's to be Delafosse's."</p> - -<p>No. 1. I hurried along to them, feeling that I could not go without -shaking Humel by the hand. He was touched by it.</p> - -<p>"It means hell for us," he said. "But mind you fellows get off all -right."</p> - -<p>The men accepted their lot without keenness or bitterness. Descroix was -standing a few yards away. I took a step towards him.</p> - -<p>"Good luck, Descroix."</p> - -<p>"Like to change places?" he snapped, in a fury.</p> - -<p>I felt certain that he was going to be killed, and I was sorry that his -last hour should not see his mind ennobled.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I dreaded this withdrawal. It always means more casualties than -anything else.</p> - -<p>At a pre-arranged signal, we all leapt out of the trench together, and -bolted at the double, bending down as low as possible. Bullets whistled -past our ears, but No. 1 platoon retorted vigorously, and the enemy, as -I have already said, seemed equally short of ammunition.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_463" id="Page_463">[Pg 463]</a></span></p> - -<p>By a lucky coincidence, the fury of the artillery had diminished. We -reached the wood without losses.</p> - -<p>Arrived there, the difficulty was to slip through this inextricable -tangle of leafy branches and jagged tree-trunks. Everything was -splintered and hacked, and struck one as being the work of drunken -woodcutters.</p> - -<p>We had to climb and hoist ourselves up and slither down the other side, -and cut our way through. Our accoutrements caught into everything, -and the rifles impeded our progress. I bruised my leg badly against -a treacherous stake. We nearly lost our way, having had to make a -large circuit in order to avoid a lot of big trees which were still -smouldering. An acrid smoke followed us, with which there was mingled -a vaguely putrid stench. Under the piles of foliage, hundreds of dead -bodies were lying, which had been in a state of decomposition for four -days.</p> - -<p>My great object was to avoid getting separated from my men. I shouted -to them continually, and they followed as best they could. Some of the -wounded, Bouguet among them, dragged themselves along heroically.</p> - -<p>Suddenly, as I was balancing myself on a huge fallen oak, there -was a spurt of flame, and a deafening report. I was flung into the -under-wood. I got up at once, and, directly the smoke began to clear -away, looked round for the lieutenant. I had a terrible feeling that he -was pulverised.</p> - -<p>No, I soon discovered him, stretched under some bracken. He was -motionless. I bent over him and saw that his eyes were open and full of -tears.</p> - -<p>"Hit?" I said.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_464" id="Page_464">[Pg 464]</a></span></p> - -<p>He stammered: "Yes. The th-thigh. I'm—done for."</p> - -<p>I looked. There was a large tear in his trouser, and underneath I -caught a glimpse of—such a mess!</p> - -<p>I made a movement as if to look for his field dressing. Pink froth -appeared on his lips:</p> - -<p>"Not—w-worth it," he stuttered.</p> - -<p>"Is there anything I can do for you?"</p> - -<p>I should have liked to pick him up in my arms and carry him away, poor -Henriot.</p> - -<p>He made an attempt to unbutton his tunic. I helped him. He nodded -approval. I think he wanted to get hold of some photograph or -letter—the tradition of the dying soldier, whose eternal nobility -moved me.</p> - -<p>His strength forsook him.</p> - -<p>Of my own accord, I fumbled in his pocket, took his letter-case and -held it out to him. He half-opened his eyes again, and raised himself. -His lips moved. His eyelashes fluttered. He took a breath and fell -back. I did not know whether he was dead, or had only fainted.</p> - -<p>Another shell burst just by. Something struck my cheek. I put my hand -up. There was blood on it. But it was only a fir-cone which had been -flung down.</p> - -<p>I turned towards Henriot again. Our men were scattered in the distance. -It was impossible to call any one back, and equally impossible to carry -him without help. He and I were alone, face to face. What was it he had -wished to confide in me? This incomplete scene was becoming tragically -mysterious.</p> - -<p>"Good-bye, good-bye," I murmured, perhaps to a dead man.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_465" id="Page_465">[Pg 465]</a></span></p> - -<p>I took the letter case with me, and stumbling beneath the weight of my -pack, plunged into the thicket in pursuit of my companions.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I did not catch them up until I got to the other side of the wood. -Guillaumin was looking out for me!</p> - -<p>"What's become of Henriot?"</p> - -<p>"Gone west, I think. A 'Jack Johnson.'"</p> - -<p>"Poor fellow!"</p> - -<p>And then:</p> - -<p>"You'll take command of the platoon?"</p> - -<p>I hesitated:</p> - -<p>"Why not you?"</p> - -<p>"You're the senior."</p> - -<p>As a matter of fact, I had come out a few places above him at the end -of our time at the "Peloton."</p> - -<p>There was an agitated fusillade behind us, increasing in -intensity—Delafosse's platoon at work.</p> - -<p>I shouldered my rifle, and went to report the lieutenant's death to the -captain. He said, curtly:</p> - -<p>"You've got your platoon commander's certificate. You're senior to -Guillaumin."</p> - -<p>(How on earth did he know?)</p> - -<p>He continued: "You will immediately become acting sub-lieutenant. If we -both get through safely, I'll see that you get your commission."</p> - -<p>He got back on to his horse, which his orderly brought up, and leaning -across the animal's neck, said:</p> - -<p>"In case the matter interests you, we are retiring because we chose -to. Our line has not been forced. It's the enemy who can't hold out -any longer. Only there's a detachment of Landwehr trying to turn us -southwards."</p> - -<p>I thanked him with a beam.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_466" id="Page_466">[Pg 466]</a></span></p> - -<p>As I drew near to the platoon, Guillaumin raised his voice:</p> - -<p>"Your new subaltern, lads!"</p> - -<p>"Good luck to him!" Bouillon exclaimed.</p> - -<p>There was a subdued murmur of satisfaction and approval. I must be -forgiven for having noticed it. It was one of the great moments of my -life.</p> - -<p>I signed to them to be silent. Guillaumin shook my hand.</p> - -<p>"You deserve it, Michel."</p> - -<p>I only answered by a shake of the head. We started off again, and I was -thankful that my cap threw my face into shadow. Nobody guessed that my -eyes were wet. Oh, how extraordinarily buoyant, how strong I felt, both -physically and morally!</p> - -<p>The last barrier had fallen between these men's caste and mine. No more -domination imposed by chance or force. I was the leader they would have -chosen, just as I was the leader imposed upon them.</p> - -<p>This was the only legitimate, the only true authority.</p> - -<p>We were again traversing the same boundless plain, which yesterday -had seen us braving the Teuton artillery, but this time in a slightly -oblique line. No shells escorted us, for a change! How good it seemed.</p> - -<p>We were marching at a smart pace, and had put not far off ten -kilometres behind us. The <i>poilus</i> were reviving. Their behaviour -delighted me. They marched with a will across the dry stubble. Judsi -began to rag:</p> - -<p>"If only I'd 'a thought o' bringing my grub."</p> - -<p>Bouguet still kept up—a miracle of energy. He had got his arm in a -sling. He was only sorry—no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_467" id="Page_467">[Pg 467]</a></span> one could guess it however long they -tried—that he was not allowed to sing.</p> - -<p>We had had nothing to eat for forty-eight hours, and had been fighting -for thirty hours almost uninterruptedly.</p> - -<p>Call us beaten men? Nonsense! About-to-be victors!</p> - -<p>Only one thing worried me. The almost empty cartridge-pouches.</p> - -<p>Just then we unexpectedly came across the train of company waggons. We -halted, and while the replenishment was going on, our men slanged the -drivers roundly. Slackers who had not been able, or had not wanted, to -find us!</p> - -<p>As for me, I looked for Playoust, determined that he should pay for -some of his delinquencies. But at the sound of his name a corporal -looked up:</p> - -<p>"A sergeant of that name?"</p> - -<p>"Exactly."</p> - -<p>"Well, he didn't last long!"</p> - -<p>"What?"</p> - -<p>"He was killed yesterday morning, just as we left Nanteuil. We hardly -saw him as a matter of fact. A shell splinter."</p> - -<p>"You don't mean it!" I said, astounded.</p> - -<p>The corporal went on: "Probably a pal of yours, was he?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes!"</p> - -<p>"He looked a good sort, and an amusing fellow, I should say, wasn't -he?" He insisted.</p> - -<p>"One of the best?"</p> - -<p>"A ripper!"</p> - -<p>A posthumous reconciliation!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The halt here was prolonged. Coffee was made.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_468" id="Page_468">[Pg 468]</a></span> The sun set in -fiery splendour. Our arms were piled up at a short distance from a -cross-road. The traffic there was intense: waggons, lorries, and -batteries. We drew each other's attention to four armoured motor -machine-guns, which were the object of a great deal of curiosity. They -were the first in use, I believe, and were going southwards.</p> - -<p>In the growing gloom, Guillaumin pointed out De Valpic to me, deep -in conversation with an officer in the Dragoons. When the latter had -hurried on, our friend came back to us.</p> - -<p>"I've just seen my cousin De Montjezieu. It's ripping the way one comes -across people!"</p> - -<p>"Any news?"</p> - -<p>"Yes—interesting too."</p> - -<p>We looked up anxiously.</p> - -<p>In a few words he repeated the information he had just received. It was -this. We were engaged in what might be called the second battle of the -Ourcq, for there had been another fought and lost, between the 4th and -7th, by the plucky divisions of reservists from the Paris garrison. The -great object of the Staff had been to collect a large army of fresh men -to place in the hands of the Commander-in-Chief, the 7th Army Corps -coming from Alsace, the 4th—that was ours—and then the divisions -from Africa which had just disembarked at Marseilles. (So there was -some truth in Pomot's tales, I thought.) With all those combined we -should pull it off. We had been withstanding the pressure brought to -bear on our weakest point all that day. Now we were going to take the -offensive. If we managed to pierce their line...! From a certain -thrill in his voice I imagined that that was not all.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_469" id="Page_469">[Pg 469]</a></span></p> - -<p>"What? What more do you know? Out with it!"</p> - -<p>De Valpic hesitated for a moment: "And the decisive attack, the Big -Push, is to come off to-night, according to my cousin!"</p> - -<p>"Do you believe it?"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin yawned. "I say, they're not counting on us, I hope!"</p> - -<p>"Why?" I said, sharply.</p> - -<p>"We've done our bit!"</p> - -<p>"That's no reason!"</p> - -<p>"I'm sleepy."</p> - -<p>"Get down to it, old chap. We'll wake you in time for the fun."</p> - -<p>He lay down in the ditch. The night reigned. Searchlights swept the -heavens. There was an occasional star-shell, and firing all the time. A -fresh breeze got up.</p> - -<p>Some time slipped by. We were all, or nearly all, dozing. That vague -fusillade in the distance would have been enough to upset us. But -suddenly without a whistle, without a call, everyone was on his feet. -The echo of a bugle-call was borne to us on the wind, coming from -several miles away—impressive, rousing notes. The solemn sound of the -Charge. Each man seized his arms ready to rush forward.</p> - -<p>But it was not to be. The captain came by: "Our turn will come, lads. -Go on resting for the present—sleep, if possible!"</p> - -<p>He certainly had us well in hand. Those few words from him were enough. -The men lay down in the grass again, wrapping their greatcoats round -them, and it was not long before they were sound asleep. Stars were -shining in the calm sky above us.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_470" id="Page_470">[Pg 470]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XXIc" id="CHAPTER_XXIc">CHAPTER XXI</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE CULMINATION</p> - - -<p>"<span class="smcap">Up</span> you get, sir!"</p> - -<p>"What, what!"</p> - -<p>Guillaumin was in front of me, smiling and swinging a lantern. -Half-joking, he repeated: "I think we're in for it, sir!"</p> - -<p>I got up. Shadows were moving round us. The sharp air stung. The night -was clear but moonless. I asked what time it was. Three o'clock.</p> - -<p>I immediately had a pleasant surprise. That form on the road—"Humel!" -I dashed at him. "Hulloa, my boy! So you got through!"</p> - -<p>"By jove! It was a bit of luck," he acknowledged.</p> - -<p>I hungrily clamoured for details.</p> - -<p>He explained: "You see, as long as we stayed in the trench, things went -all right. We managed to hold the Bosches. They weren't particularly -keen to face the bayonet. But at night we had no more ammunition. The -men got unstrung and wanted to do a bunk. Delafosse opposed it—as you -may imagine. Some of them began to slope off. The lieutenant made up -his mind to it, and we followed them. But the Bosches got wind of it -and opened fire at us. That's when we got cut up—not one out of four -got away."</p> - -<p>"The lieutenant?"</p> - -<p>"Knocked out, disappeared."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_471" id="Page_471">[Pg 471]</a></span></p> - -<p>Another name was on the tip of my tongue.</p> - -<p>Humel understood, and lowered his voice! "Descroix? He stayed behind, -too."</p> - -<p>I, in my turn, told him of Henriot's death, and about Playoust. I saw -his forehead wrinkle. He said nothing. I took his arm.</p> - -<p>"Well, we're here!"</p> - -<p>"Not for long," he murmured, downheartedly.</p> - -<p>"Yes! Yes! I swear that you, you, you understand, will get through!"</p> - -<p>What did I know of it? But I had said it with such assurance that I -felt it had given him new heart.</p> - -<p>There was a short whistle—the captain calling up the N.C. O's.</p> - -<p>"Well, my friends," he said, "we have been complimented on our -resistance the other night, and up till four o'clock yesterday in front -of the Montrolle woods. Apparently we did not do badly!" He waited for -a minute. "That is not all. We are asked, or I should say commanded, to -intervene again. A great honour for the regiment!"</p> - -<p>We were all hanging on his lips.</p> - -<p>"Mind you remember this date," he said, "in case we come back. This -is the night, the 9th to the 10th, that the battle is to be won. We -are attacking all along the line, and I think I may be allowed to -tell you, in confidence, that some of our comrades alongside have -just entered Silly-le-Long. At the other extremity the Zouaves have -taken Lizy-sur-Ourcq. The enemy is apparently still in possession of a -little hill near here. What we've got to do is to oust them from it." -His voice trembled. He must have been trying to find a last word of -encouragement. Not succeeding, he added: "We start in five minutes!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_472" id="Page_472">[Pg 472]</a></span></p> - -<p>A remark not lacking in eloquence.</p> - -<p>I joined De Valpic in the darkness. His cough had made me aware of his -presence.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin, who ran against us, said, in a joking tone: "Well, if we -aren't polished off this time!" And then, a little more gravely: "If -only it's of some use."</p> - -<p>"Do you doubt it?"</p> - -<p>"I? What do you think? I wouldn't change places. Those who have missed -this——"</p> - -<p>He rummaged in his pocket, pulled out a sou, and threw it into the air! -"Heads we win!"</p> - -<p>"And if it's the reverse?"</p> - -<p>"A reverse for the Bosches!"</p> - -<p>He hunted about in the dark.</p> - -<p>"Can't you find it?"</p> - -<p>"It never fell. It went straight up into the sky! The best sign of all."</p> - -<p>We did not touch upon any more serious topics. We assembled, and -started off. De Valpic left us to join his platoon.</p> - -<p>"Good-bye."</p> - -<p>We shook hands. We were never to see him again.</p> - -<p>The most complete human friendship had drawn us together during the -last fortnight.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We marched along a road in silence for half an hour. Then we extended -into the fields, like mute armed phantoms, the noise of our footsteps -absorbed by the ground.</p> - -<p>For the first time I had taken my place at the head of my platoon. My -eyes searched the darkness. I regulated our pace by the captain's, -whose tall silhouette stood out against the blackness. I formed only -one wish which was this: that our intervention<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_473" id="Page_473">[Pg 473]</a></span> might have a decisive -quality. A wish which resembled a prayer. I implored, I don't know what -God, to grant me the good fortune to be a hero.</p> - -<p>The ground was rising in a gentle slope. We were guided towards the -east by a pale transparency, herald of the day. In that direction lay -the enemy; the enemy whose sentries no doubt had orders to fire upon -all suspicious objects. The first bullets would be for me. I did not -think of them or fear them. The fifty men behind me, who would act as I -acted, were a miraculous incentive.</p> - -<p>There was a hollow exclamation close by on our left. A sentry! A shot -rang out, followed by a second. I quickened the pace, my men remaining -close at my heels.</p> - -<p>In front of us, at a distance which was difficult to estimate, we -could make out a noise and what seemed like confusion. On the left an -already heavy fusillade was crackling. The absurd idea crossed my mind -of giving orders for a volley. But the captain contented himself with -raising his sword. Advance!</p> - -<p>Our speed increased. Charging pace, fix bayonets! Some of the men were -inclined to pass me. I restrained them below my breath.</p> - -<p>There was a sudden volley of bullets, meant for us, but distinctly -too high. We advanced bent double. There was a new <i>rafale</i>. This -I felt was bearing to the right, where De Valpic's platoon was. A -mysterious shock warned me that at that second my friend—my friend -had succumbed.... Mown down, this fine life. But this destiny held no -terror for him. And what other awaited us!</p> - -<p>The balls continued to mew fiercely in our ears like terrible cats. -It felt like the blows of wooden ham<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_474" id="Page_474">[Pg 474]</a></span>mers which would pound and crush -everything to dust—("would bash our heads in"; the popular expression -just fitted it).</p> - -<p>I was thinking of that when I became aware of a sort of fluctuation -behind me. Somebody shouted: "Kneel!"</p> - -<p>It was amazing. My line had instantly given way, and thrown themselves -down. There was an immediate clash of steel, followed by feverish -firing. A bullet whistled past my nose. I threw myself on to the ground -and turned round and cursed Henry, the clumsy lout, who was firing and -firing.</p> - -<p>What was to be done. The captain yonder was bellowing in an infuriated -voice: "Advance! Advance!"</p> - -<p>I got up, waving my rifle, and shouted: "Come along, No. 3 platoon. -Show them what you're made of!"</p> - -<p>A few of them got up and followed me. The majority hesitated. There was -no time to wait. We took about twenty steps at the double. I had to -stop. There were only six <i>poilus</i> with me!</p> - -<p>I shouted again. I yelled. The bullets were still cracking. They passed -us coming from both sides. I recoiled. The confusion was terrible. I -bumped into Humel. Guillaumin turned up bringing us a handful of men. I -remember that I asked him coldly: "How far off are they?"</p> - -<p>"A hundred yards."</p> - -<p>"Good. We've got 'em!"</p> - -<p>Then I don't quite know what happened after that. It hardly lasted a -minute. It seemed like a hundred years! I believe I rushed back in -search of my men, shouting:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_475" id="Page_475">[Pg 475]</a></span></p> - -<p>"This way! Come along! Follow me!"</p> - -<p>I flew. I furrowed the ground, sowing the sacred fire in my tracks.</p> - -<p>"Look, they can't touch us!"</p> - -<p>They were no longer firing on our left. Hand-to-hand fighting must be -going on—a cacophony. Noises which had nothing human left about them. -No doubt the enemy was giving ground. I stumbled near a long ditch, a -first-line trench, which they had already abandoned.</p> - -<p>I felt sure that I was going to be killed, but oddly enough I cared -very little. To-day or to-morrow, what did it matter! A thousand -thoughts thronged each other in my mind. The dominant one, simple and -sublime, was that Victory was leaning towards us. We should carry this -hill, for I could see our men wriggling along the ground to rejoin us, -and grouping themselves again.</p> - -<p>The light and serenity, the frenzy of it! I swear that at that instant -France was really something other than an abstract entity for me: the -whole in which I participated, which was me and more than me. Of my own -free will I was sacrificing my paltry individuality. I was melting a -wan unit into the collective consciousness of the beings of my country.</p> - -<p>Surprise may be caused by the fact that I found time to revolve all -these thoughts in my mind during these brief moments, among this -chaos, where I might be seen dashing about madly, expending myself in -exhortations and reproaches.</p> - -<p>Well, I did find time for them, and for a thousand others! I myself, -lucid and multiplied, marvelled at it.</p> - -<p>My resources were increased tenfold. I burst into<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_476" id="Page_476">[Pg 476]</a></span> blossom. I attained -the apogee of my power. The instant in which I raised myself to the -conception of the immense national soul was also that in which my own -spirit was expanded most largely. Nothing escaped me. I was twenty -beings. I had a tender thought for the memory of my mother; one for my -brother who had fallen; for those of my people who remained. And you, -Jeannine, my betrothed, I evoked your face and let my lips caress it -lightly. I descried all that life we should have lived together, and -tasted all its happiness to the full. I adored you, oh my well beloved! -I was certain, that at that instant you knew that I was being killed -for your sake, that you were proud of it, and sobbed for it.</p> - -<p>My men were collected there, lying with their eyes fixed on me, already -half raised, ready to dart forward.</p> - -<p>As I looked at them and counted them over, a fantastic idea struck me. -Fifty living men. In a minute, half of them would be dead, at a sign -from me.</p> - -<p>Gloomily determined, I enjoyed my fatal power. Did I spare myself? -No. I remained on my feet, and the bullets made a nimbus round me. -Preserved by a constant miracle, I moved among these fiery trajectories -like a salamander.</p> - -<p>And then, ruminating on a vague hope of living, I dreamt that a fate -protected me; that death was overawed by my temerity.</p> - -<p>The hour struck in the depths of my consciousness.</p> - -<p>I included all my men, body and soul, in a comprehensive gesture to -advance.</p> - -<p>Their undulating line moved as one man. Bouillon was just behind me. In -getting up he seemed to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_477" id="Page_477">[Pg 477]</a></span> stumble, and fell like a stone, with a bullet -in his forehead.</p> - -<p>Then I began to run quickly, straight ahead. There was no longer any -need to turn round. Behind me I could hear that breathing, and the -heavy trot regulated by mine. We formed an inseparable block, they and -I. If any fell, their places were filled up. Twenty yards away I saw -phantoms scattering.</p> - -<p>"They're bolting!"</p> - -<p>My own voice seemed to swell in the deep-throated roars which it tore -from my companions. Living, rolling thunder! The enemy overcome and -swept away! Full of a prodigious reserve of breath, life, and pride I -was going to—</p> - -<p>A-a-h!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_478" id="Page_478">[Pg 478]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_XXIIc" id="CHAPTER_XXIIc">CHAPTER XXII</a></p> - -<p class="center">SERENITY</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">I had</span> fallen face downwards. I experienced a sensation of shattering -and laceration. My eyes closed. I made a convulsive effort to get up. -Impossible! But where was I wounded? My head was swimming, everything -was turning round me. I was dying.</p> - -<p>"Your leg, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>I succeeded in opening my eyes again.</p> - -<p>Guillaumin!</p> - -<p>"Yes—I think so!" I stammered.</p> - -<p>"Hurts a bit, what?"</p> - -<p>I tried to lift up my head and spit some soil out. Everything grew dim -again. I caught sight of a clown's face—Judsi, leaning over me, too.</p> - -<p>"Carry on! Carry on!" I murmured.</p> - -<p>They disappeared from my field of vision. I saw another line of men -pass in skirmishing order, then another. Was my brain affected? Why did -I think I was back in camp at Mailly and once more taking part in the -parade before the Bey of Tunis?</p> - -<p>By some strange instinct, I dreaded being helped. I preferred to -die in peace. For I thought my hour had come, and abandoned myself -unregretfully.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile, some time passed. Instead of agonising, I recovered my wits.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_479" id="Page_479">[Pg 479]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was my right leg that had been hit—the bone to a certainty! For the -moment, the pain was not so intolerable. I felt as if my leg had been -substituted by a mass of lead.</p> - -<p>Ah! The sun! Already high in the heavens!</p> - -<p>I now began to wish for help, but the plateau was abandoned. Quite near -me there was a dead body—poor Prunelle—fallen in the posture of an -oriental suppliant. Farther on Gaufrèteau was drawing his last breath.</p> - -<p>A tree stood a few yards off; a minute rise in the ground blocked out -all the horizon.</p> - -<p>I was thinking, longing to find out what really had happened. I -struggled obstinately to turn over onto one side. At last I succeeded. -By raising myself up on my elbow, I was able to examine my leg. It made -a hideous angle under the trouser. The foot turned back towards the -knee. There would have been reason enough to shudder, if that inert -mass had not literally seemed a thing quite apart from me.</p> - -<p>I thought of dressing my wound, but my strength was not up to undoing -my pack and slitting up the cloth round my leg.</p> - -<p>What was the result of the engagement? Everything tended to show that -our masterly stroke at dawn had been successful. But were we following -up our advantage? And how far? If only I could have dragged myself -as far as that tree! I calculated the distance. What hope possessed -me? I succeeded at the cost of real torture in getting into a sitting -position. Now my plan was made. I must move backwards, propelling -myself by my fists!</p> - -<p>Oh! what a ghastly journey that was! I watched the removal of my leg. -It was throbbing, but did not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_480" id="Page_480">[Pg 480]</a></span> cause me acute pain, and seemed as if -paralysed; mis-shapen and swollen, like a great ball, pinning me to -the ground. I was as weak as a baby. Ten times over my head sank, my -clenched fingers relaxed. I allowed myself a good rest, first after -each half yard then after each foot, then even this latter distance -seemed to me excessive.</p> - -<p>Having attained my end—how I do not know—I drew breath for a long -time.</p> - -<p>It now remained for me—I was ambitious—to stand up—to see something. -I gripped the trunk with both arms, while my sound leg stiffened—in -vain—my God! The other was pinned to the ground!</p> - -<p>I changed my tactics, and set about raising myself on one knee. When -I had got there, I exerted all the strength of my being, and began to -pull myself up slowly, oh, so slowly! My grip alone supported me. My -hands were grazed by the bark.</p> - -<p>On my feet, at last—triumphant! I was able to gaze far across the -plain in front of me.</p> - -<p>It was a large expanse of wild country, cut by a railway. Little -did I care for the view. What I sought for hungrily was that cloud -of dust—the men. I ended by discovering it. In the distance, as -far as eye could see, there was a line of skirmishers—easily -recognisable—our greatcoats and red trousers!</p> - -<p>Vloumm! Rouvloumm! Vloumm! A cannonade echoed near at hand, making the -air waves vibrate. About a mile and a half away a battery of the 75's -let off a trial round. Too short! They harnessed up again, swung round, -and were off at a gallop.</p> - -<p>Yonder a company of dragoons were trotting in the same direction. The -pursuit had begun.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_481" id="Page_481">[Pg 481]</a></span></p> - -<p>By some intuition or suggestion my vision increased at this point. -I had the feeling that I could see from one end to the other of our -front. On the Ourcq just by, and farther off on the Marne, the Meuse, -the Moselle, this very Destiny was being pronounced; this very morning, -at this very hour, the success of our counter-offensive; the hostile -rabble dislocated, broken, forced to retreat.</p> - -<p>Paris and France saved! A grand date in the history of the world! What -did it matter how long the War might last.</p> - -<p>I greeted the day of glory. This noble stretch of country, the -Île-de-France, stood forth before us—our adopted land—and lay -stretched at our feet, presenting a fertile appearance for our sakes.</p> - -<p>Preserved for the sons of my race, the acres which nourished us with -their substance of life-giving properties. I thought not at all of my -wound, of my life, no doubt in danger. Content to have lived until -this sublime instant, I united in the same love, the freed territory, -the luminary shining on my country, the beings dear to my heart; and -enlacing the rugged tree, I eagerly stretched myself up to follow to -the very horizon our victorious colours.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>My strength suddenly gave way. The leaden weight became aggravated. I -yielded with the one idea of falling upon my sound limb. My forehead -struck the ground and I fell into a deep swoon.</p> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_483" id="Page_483">[Pg 483]</a></span></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_485" id="Page_485">[Pg 485]</a></span></p> -<p class="ph2"><a name="PART_IV" id="PART_IV">PART IV</a></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="BOOK_X" id="BOOK_X"><i>BOOK X</i></a></p> - -<p class="center"><i>Epilogue</i></p> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Id" id="CHAPTER_Id">CHAPTER I</a></p> - -<p class="center">APPREHENSIONS</p> - - -<p>"<span class="smcap">That's</span> doing very well—very well indeed!" It was Bujard, the -house-surgeon, who was speaking. "If everyone got on as quickly as -you——"</p> - -<p>I no longer felt any pain. My gaze wandered round the huge room. It -was warm and prettily decorated—the smoking-room in the M—— hotel, -which had been converted into a hospital. My temperature was normal -again and I experienced a sensation of relief and deliverance. How -delightful it was to rest on this pliant mattress, in these cool -sheets, to distinguish the prattle of my neighbours, and the patter of -the sister's feet standing out from the subdued hubbub in the ward.</p> - -<p>When the light tired me, I closed my eyes on this scene, and went over -the vicissitudes of the nightmare I had just left behind....</p> - -<p>My long prostration in a dying condition, on that deserted plateau; -swoons from which I awoke at intervals; that deadly cycle; two days and -two nights.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_486" id="Page_486">[Pg 486]</a></span> ... Ah! Faces were leaning over me. They pick me up and -carry me away. Where am I? A stretcher, a motor.... Heavens, how my leg -tears me! How thirsty I am!</p> - -<p>In the train now, on some straw. Round me those poor unfortunates, -spectres, drawing their last breath, can they be men? But I am like -them! That first dressing in the train.... They snip and tear my -trouser and drawers; my wound is exposed, all soiled; matter and -congealed blood. There is some question of detraining me. A red-beard -opposes the suggestion, I am put back on to the same straw, in a -state of decay. The train starts again, and rolls on and on for days. -Unexpected or unknown names of stations. The feeling of being tossed -about from one end of France to the other. Oh, this heat, this jolting, -this acrid, fetid odour of humanity.... I am sleeping, or dying, -unconscious....</p> - -<p>A very different period follows—Vichy. A hospital ward, this; and -the same bed on which I am still lying. Washed and cared for, I am -born anew. I joke with the sister, a cheery soul, an ex-nurse in the -expeditionary corps in China; with the house-surgeon—he and I have -mutual friends.</p> - -<p>My wound is certainly severe—the fibula is shattered, the tibia -fractured. I shall limp. But what matter? They have cut away a lot -and extracted splinters of bone, and scraps of clothes.... Barring -complications, I shall have five or six weeks of it, not more.</p> - -<p>Heavens, how beautiful life is! The Battle of the Marne has just been -fought. What inspiriting reading the newspapers make. The intoxication -of Victory; our Victory. The very day I arrived I was able to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_487" id="Page_487">[Pg 487]</a></span> have two -telegrams sent—their destinations will easily be guessed. Jeannine -answered at once, by the ardent letter I had wished for. A promise in -it makes my heart leap. The Landrys will arrange to come round by Vichy -on their way to the South, where they spend each winter. There is only -one slight shadow—an allusion to certain worries of the grandmother's, -money matters, from what I can gather.</p> - -<p>As to my father: here he is installed at my bedside.</p> - -<p>My thoughts are pleasing ones, and linger over such memories. And -then—and then!</p> - -<p>A Saturday evening. Ever since the morning my leg seems to me to -have got heavier.... Thirst dries the very marrow in my bones. My -temperature suddenly rises 101.2°. When it is taken again 102.2°. What -does it mean? Sunday at eight o'clock 104°. Professor Gauthier, who -is called in for a consultation, examines me and seems put out. These -confounded leg wounds!</p> - -<p>More incisions, and a drainage tube is put back again, and we must wait -and see.</p> - -<p>What a day! I am consumed with thirst, and burning hot. My leg on fire -right up to the hip, paroxysms of suffering, infernal shooting pains. -Pus is forming in it. Exhaustion soon follows. My tongue is green, and -I vomit. I no longer digest anything. Delirium sets in. I call Maman, I -call Jeannine, in a despairing voice....</p> - -<p>Those silhouettes of doctors. That consultation round my bed. A haze -envelops me ... I hear music! Then Bujard's voice:</p> - -<p>"Well, old chap...?"</p> - -<p>Halloa, he's very affectionate!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_488" id="Page_488">[Pg 488]</a></span></p> - -<p>"We may have to—amputate...!"</p> - -<p>From the depths of my torpor, I have understood. "Yes, take it off! -Take it off!" I implore them.</p> - -<p>"That's right! Very sensible!" He nodded. "A leg! They make such -excellent substitutes! And then...."</p> - -<p>He emphasised this point: "You'll suffer no more, you know!"</p> - -<p>Oh, how well he knows my weak spot. No more suffering—or fever....</p> - -<p>How did it all happen? I had no notion of anything. I came round from -the chloroform to find myself in my bed. My father said to me, with -tears in his eyes:</p> - -<p>"That's all over, Michel, you're saved!"</p> - -<p>I slept and slept. I come to life again. I open my eyes. Have I been -dreaming? I should be tempted to think so. I have difficulty in -persuading myself of the reality of my misfortune. My gaze never rests -without astonishment on the fold in my bed-clothes, where it sinks down -over the stump of my excised thigh.</p> - -<p>Stupefaction, yes: rather than distress. I am less crushed by it than -I should have expected. What an abominable thing the existence of -beings mutilated in this way used formerly to seem to me. To-day the -fate which awaits me does not make me revolt. I smile, without too much -melancholy, at the motherly words of encouragement from the excellent -nun. I take note, almost with amusement of the sensations of itching -in my missing sole and big toe, common in patients who have had a leg -amputated.</p> - -<p>The secret of my serenity is to be found in the fact that my thoughts -return to the decisive engagement when leading my men. I had consented -to the sacri<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_489" id="Page_489">[Pg 489]</a></span>fice. Intoxicating moments which could only be paid for -with my life! And this last week again, I had seen my coffin open; -death flowed in my veins. Now Destiny had had mercy on me. I might well -consider myself blest!</p> - -<p>But this period did not last long. At the end of a few days, the memory -of my recent tortures paled. The withdrawal of this shadow robbed my -present condition of its tinge of consolation.</p> - -<p>There were ten of us in this ward, all seriously wounded, and operated -on under favourable conditions. The general atmosphere was one of -cheerfulness. I was soon out of sympathy with it.</p> - -<p>I had made friends with my next-door neighbour, a recruit of twenty, -Cadieu, by name. He was always in the most uproarious spirits and quite -irresistible. I compared him with Judsi. What vitality there must be in -a race which produces such men by thousands! His leg amputated too, and -like mine, in the "upper third," he gaily made the best of it. First -of all there was the pension. And then as an adjuster of scales it -wouldn't worry him so much as all that! And then, what was a leg more -or less after all?</p> - -<p>He told me how he had been hit. When he had got the splinter in his -leg, he had said to himself: "Well done! Of course you would just go -and get in the light!" Lying down in a furrow he was waiting quietly -for—what? Blimey! the end o' the war! The crackling was still going on -as hard as ever. Suddenly, paf! Oh, my eye! A bullet in the foot. But -'e'd 'ad one bit o' luck. It was the one on the same side!</p> - -<p>The boy had at once confided his love affairs to me. His lady friend -was a housemaid to some people of good<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_490" id="Page_490">[Pg 490]</a></span> position. Her name was -Margaret. "It all began by that there song, you remember 'ow it goes, -'Margaret, give me your 'eart.' I 'ummed it to 'er—." One child -brought up in the country by her parents, good old things. He expected -her to come and see him at the beginning of next month: "You're kept -at it pretty 'ard in 'er trade! But 'er missus' 'usband 'as just bin -'napoohed' too. She bolted off to 'im in double-quick time, an' w'en -Margaret was seein' 'er orf at the station, she up and told 'er that -'er boy was knocked out, too, and blowed if the lidy didn't feel sorter -touched by it, and offered 'er a fortnight's 'oliday!"</p> - -<p>His outpourings at an end, Cadieu, seeing I was still depressed, -watched me out of the corner of his eye.</p> - -<p>"And wot abaht you? An' your sweet'eart?" he said to me one day.</p> - -<p>I smiled. "Not married, old chap, or attached in any way. No, -seriously!"</p> - -<p>How much to the point his guess had been, though!</p> - -<p>O Jeannine! Sleeping and waking I had thought of my love. The other -week her fair image presided over my revival. It was with my heart -dedicated to her that I had put myself into the hands of the surgeons, -and when I had opened my eyes again, amid the giddiness and sickness, -it was the light of her face that had been the first thing to pierce -the veil of my torpor.</p> - -<p>I have said that I had telegraphed, that I had received a reply. But -since then, what a striking change there had been. On the threshold -of a new era, I tremblingly encouraged myself not to mistrust her. I -remember the tone in which De Valpic had spoken of his unchanging love, -when just on the point of death.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_491" id="Page_491">[Pg 491]</a></span></p> - -<p>I waited to write to her until I had recovered my strength to a certain -extent. A week! How long the time must seem to her. A second letter -came from her. She demanded news.... What a piece of news I had to -announce to her!</p> - -<p>I made up my mind to it, however.</p> - -<p>My first sentence revealed everything to her. It was a mutilated man, -I told her, who was tracing these lines to her.... I stopped short, -and turned over to bury my head in my pillow. Tears rose to my eyes! -Then I recovered myself. I so much wanted this letter to appear a -normal continuation of the others. When I re-read it, I was struck by -the deadly heart-break depicted in it, in spite of myself! I was on -the point of tearing the pages to pieces. I stayed for a long time, -balancing them in my hands. Then I finally decided to slip them into -the envelope; my salvation lay entirely in the pity I should inspire.</p> - -<p>Some days passed by in boredom, and overwhelming anxiety, the reason -of which I now forbade myself to specify. I tried in vain to distract -my thoughts. My father read the papers aloud to me—those around me -profited by it. With the monotonous delivery of an officer giving the -order of the day, he sometimes stirred us all in pronouncing the word -Victory. He had to take off his glasses which were dimmed.</p> - -<p>But the Press no longer reflected the same enthusiasm evinced for the -"Battle of the Marne." The thankless battle of the Aisne was dragging -on, and becoming endless. We began to feel that the enemy would hold -out for a long time on this stolen territory. There was heavy fighting -going on in the North. Our left and the German right struggling to -outstrip each other in their race for the coast—fierce cavalry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_492" id="Page_492">[Pg 492]</a></span> -encounters round Aire and Hazebrouck.... And there were already -sinister rumours abroad concerning the probable fate of Anvers.</p> - -<p>I bore myself a grudge for not being more thrilled. I urged myself to -lose sight of my individual misery, in order to continue in communion -with my noble nation. I tried hard to do it, but my efforts were in -vain!</p> - -<p>An epistle from Guillaumin reached me. He was safe and sound, and -was anxious to be reassured on my account. His letter contained some -details. Yes, poor De Valpic had fallen. His body had been identified, -and was reposing in hallowed ground, beneath a cross. The platoon -had been reduced to half its strength the day after Nanteuil, but -reinforcements had arrived during the following days. They had been -engaged over and over again since then, and were fighting nearly every -day; yesterday again at Guennevières. They did not forget me in all -that! Guillaumin enclosed in his letter a joint card signed by each -<i>poilu</i>. One shaky scrawl was from the hand of poor Donnadieu, hit by a -splinter in the abdomen, and who, so my friend told me, had succumbed -during the night.</p> - -<p>Who would believe that I put off answering him. And, for that matter, -my sister-in-law, too, who had sent me several affectionate missives. -Sometimes it was enervation which tortured me, as I lay there, -sometimes a gloomy atony.</p> - -<p>Margaret, Cadieu's friend, had arrived, a pretty, fair-haired girl of -the soubrette and ingénue type. Her presence exhilarated my neighbour -to such an extent that our corner was one long roar of laughter. I -alone did not cheer up. He cast sorrowful looks at me, and the girl -took to bringing me flowers in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_493" id="Page_493">[Pg 493]</a></span> morning when she brought them for -her Julot. How sorry they were for me!</p> - -<p>And my father! He certainly would not have questioned me. But his -speech which was usually abrupt, softened, and his gaze grew more -gentle when it rested on me. I was grateful to him for his tacit -compassion, and I felt inclined to cry.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_494" id="Page_494">[Pg 494]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IId" id="CHAPTER_IId">CHAPTER II</a></p> - -<p class="center">RELIEF</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">How</span> I trembled when at last I tore open...! My doom was to be -pronounced. My secret terror was dissipated on glancing at the first -lines. Jeannine reminded me that she was the daughter of a soldier, the -niece and grand-daughter of a soldier. From time immemorial, glorious -wounds had been revered in her family. She quoted the case of her -great-uncle, who was also her godfather, who, in the year '70, had -been hit by a bullet near his elbow, and had soon lost the use of his -right arm, owing to rheumatism. Their admiration had surrounded him and -followed in his train all his life long.</p> - -<p>My misfortune, she said, had not taken her by surprise. She had dreaded -it all along. Had I not discerned her deep compassion beneath the -encouragement even in her very first letter?</p> - -<p>At this point her tone grew more tender. She was aware, she said, of -my bitterness and anguish which I tried in vain to conceal from her. -However, I had turned to her. She thanked me for that. She was my -faithful friend. She recognised herself as being picked out to help me -in my trouble. After all, I was alive. Wasn't that all that mattered? -My misfortune did not lower me. It all raised me, on the contrary. I -must have fought superbly. How many times<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_495" id="Page_495">[Pg 495]</a></span> a day she had pictured me -leading my men to the attack. I had been intoxicated, had I not, by all -that life offered of sublime sensations. I should not assume my former -scepticism again, even in play. What a lot we should have to tell each -other when—and Heaven grant that the day might be near at hand—we met -again.</p> - -<p>I read and re-read these six pages. I never tired of assuring myself of -my joy and revelling in it. My heart melted as a result of the relief, -and turned towards the wall; I wept the sweet tears which had been -ready to flow for the last ten days.</p> - -<p>I now recognised clearly what I had dreaded and could smile at it. -A revival of the dry mistrust which was dissipated at a word from -Jeannine!</p> - -<p>This miracle of her persistent affection seemed to me the simplest -and most natural reality. Since the milk of human kindness was not an -empty saying! And then one might have mistrusted another, but she, -like myself, had deliberately raised herself above the common sphere -in which men's feelings move. How little the scruples and hesitations -of average souls could count for in comparison with the mute vow which -bound us. We belonged to each other, whatever might happen!</p> - -<p>But, nevertheless, when the first transport was over, a vague feeling -of unrest returned to skim the surface of my mind. I was insatiable. It -seemed to me that I might have looked for a more tender and impassioned -abandonment—for some involuntary avowal....</p> - -<p>And then, no! On thinking it over, I had no difficulty in convincing -myself that it was her modesty which forbade her to declare herself. -I myself had never dared to put it into writing. No; our engage<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_496" id="Page_496">[Pg 496]</a></span>ment -would be ratified by a hand-clasp, by the chaste exchange of words.</p> - -<p>I wrote her eight pages that same evening. Our correspondence was -resumed. Each of us now, certainly waited for the other's letter to -arrive before answering it—and the posts were still uncertain, a week -sometimes went by without bringing the looked-for letter.</p> - -<p>I was not without regret for the time when our love had found a way -to express itself, every, or almost every day. We had ceased to move -amongst those unique circumstances when not an hour must be lost in -pouring out all one's heart, since each letter, received or despatched, -might be the last. This was the return to normal conditions; letters -between the betrothed before the ring has been given. It was at least -something on which to feed the certainty of our happiness.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Time went on and on. At the end of a fortnight they had given my leg -a thorough dressing for the first time. The compresses, with the aid -of hot water, had come off more quickly, and given me less pain than I -had feared they might. Bujard congratulated me on the condition of my -wound. There was no trace of suppuration. Three weeks more and I should -get up!</p> - -<p>I smiled at his words of encouragement. I marvelled at feeling nothing -at the severed stump but a sort of tickling which was sometimes, by the -way, almost intolerable. The feeling that my right thigh had nothing to -counter-balance it was very queer too.</p> - -<p>The occupants of our ward had nearly all recovered. Some more beds were -added. They tried to make<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_497" id="Page_497">[Pg 497]</a></span> more room, and sent away a great many of -those who could stand up. Cadieu was despatched to a convalescent home. -He went hobbling off, much amused by his crutches. And merriment went -with him.</p> - -<p>Many of the new arrivals appeared exhausted and worn out. They arrived -in an infected state—it was the end of October—from the ghastly -slaughters in Belgium. There were several cases of tetanus and -gangrene. I remember a big fellow, belonging to the naval brigade, who -screamed with pain all night, and died at dawn.</p> - -<p>I found this promiscuousness very trying, and lost strength again. My -friend Bujard noticed it, and, after having consulted me, arranged for -me to have a little room to myself. I took leave of the sister, Ste. -Thérèse.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>To begin with I missed the fresh air in the ward. I was reduced to the -society of my father as sole companion, and he was not well, because he -had had an attack of choking one evening, in the thick of the battle of -the Yser, when he had thought our line had been broken through. Bujard -had warned me that he was threatened with angina pectoris.</p> - -<p>And yet with what solicitude the poor man surrounded me. He was by -my side from eight o'clock in the morning onwards. He never left me -during the day, and had obtained permission to have his meals brought -up there. He tried everything imaginable to alleviate the monotony of -my long convalescence. He joined a library so that I might have books, -and tired himself by reading to me for hours together. In the end I had -to implore Bujard to forbid him to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_498" id="Page_498">[Pg 498]</a></span> read. He bought me a quantity of -maps of different scales, and we tried to follow the situation, and the -manœuvres of our five principal armies during the immortal days at -the beginning of September. We marked out the actual front with little -flags.</p> - -<p>We talked, too. I evoked certain scenes from my childhood, our -Lorraine, Eberménil. It caused my father frightful distress to think -that the enemy were still there. "But not for long," he growled, -grinding his teeth.</p> - -<p>If I pressed the subject and recalled some happy occasion on which our -dear departed ones had figured at our sides, then I used to see him -fall into a deep day-dream, into which I dared not break. He belonged -to those whose grief is frozen and taciturn, more heart-rending, -perhaps, than ours, which is assuaged when we give vent to it.</p> - -<p>I realised anew the difference in our two natures—not without regret! -I should never have ventured, I thought, to allow him even a glimpse -of the surprising evolution which had made a new man of me. It would -have revolted him to learn from what depths I had started, and all that -had been needed to bring me to this state of grace in which he had -maintained himself without an effort, for more than forty years.</p> - -<p>Jeannine, everything brought back the longing for your beloved -presence! You alone knew me, such as I had been and such as I was. What -pride, just think, for us two, to ascertain how, little by little, -at the seat of my love for you, all these virtues had blossomed in -my soul. You would persuade me, perhaps, that I bore the germs in -my heart, but that they could never have flowered in the etiolating -atmosphere in which my life had been spent.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_499" id="Page_499">[Pg 499]</a></span></p> - -<p>Stirred by such thoughts, I suddenly became more sensible to the -paternal affection. What nurse would have set her wits to work in such -a touching fashion? He tried to remember how my mother used to treat me -during my long illnesses in former days.</p> - -<p>One morning, he put a pack of cards on my table and timidly proposed a -game of piquet.</p> - -<p>"A good idea!" I said. "Let's draw!"</p> - -<p>He puckered his forehead and played attentively, and won. And I could -see myself again as a child—a child playing like this with my mother, -caressing her beautiful white hands. I could have seized and kissed -this old man's wrinkled hands. The unique tenderness of parents, -which one must hasten to enjoy! My mother had passed away years and -years ago—and as for him, the last on earth of the beings whom I -perpetuated, how much time would slip away before they left him, having -lived his life, between four planks? I was harrowed in advance. I made -a vow to do all that was in my power to sweeten the days—restricted, -alas, in number—which still remained to him.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_500" id="Page_500">[Pg 500]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IIId" id="CHAPTER_IIId">CHAPTER III</a></p> - -<p class="center">A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">One</span> afternoon, towards two o'clock, my father took his hat, and said to -me, in rather a mysterious tone:</p> - -<p>"I must go out on an errand. I'll be back in a moment."</p> - -<p>Half an hour later I became aware of shuffling going on outside my -door. Somebody knocked.</p> - -<p>"Come in!"</p> - -<p>A little boy, dressed in black, appeared on the threshold. My heart -gave a bound. That prominent forehead, where fair curls rolled, that -straight, brilliant gaze. Victor! Victor, at five years old. Victor as -he had been when my eyes had opened on him as a little child.</p> - -<p>It was his son—little Robert.</p> - -<p>Behind him was my sister-in-law. She came straight up to my bed, and -bent down, raising her long widow's veil. We kissed each other, and I -demanded my little niece Brigitte, who was shy and was burying her face -in her mother's skirts.</p> - -<p>The conversation immediately started off, quite naturally and -delightfully, free of its whilom reserve. We ingenuously confessed -that we had learnt to know each other, and how we had felt the mutual -affection grow, in the course of these terrible months.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_501" id="Page_501">[Pg 501]</a></span></p> - -<p>Madeleine had come to stay at Vichy for a few days.</p> - -<p>"We will give you new courage," she said.</p> - -<p>"I'm not lacking in it! You're the one who needs it, poor little -sister."</p> - -<p>"Oh! I have enough for three."</p> - -<p>It was true enough. I was struck by her spirit of determination. And I -had thought her in danger of giving way entirely beneath the blow. She -spoke of nothing but the future; of her plans; of the education of her -children. She thought of going to live at Versailles: the rents were -not so high there as in Paris, they would be near the town, and the -Lycée Hoche. For she wanted to keep Robert with her, in order that the -whole family should cling together.</p> - -<p>As my eyes were again drawn irresistibly to the little boy, she said: -"Isn't he like——"</p> - -<p>She did not complete the sentence. Tears pearled on her eyelashes. It -was one of the few allusions she allowed herself, to her great sorrow.</p> - -<p>I told her that her children would find a second father in me.</p> - -<p>"He counted on it," she assured me.</p> - -<p>And she showed me a note which Victor had written before leaving St. -Mihiel; a few lines in which he confided those dearest to him on earth, -to my charge. What instinct warned him that he would fall; that I -should be preserved?</p> - -<p>I reverently welcomed this sacred bequest. When my father had gone -I should be the head of the family. New duties which I hailed with -delight. And in a short time, I said to myself, Madeleine would find -in Jeannine a friend, more than a friend. I think that if we had been -alone it would have been to her, first of all, that I should have -revealed my secret.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_502" id="Page_502">[Pg 502]</a></span></p> - -<p>Those were calm days perfumed by sympathy and friendship. I had to tell -the story of my campaign in full detail. Not even the children seemed -bored as they listened.</p> - -<p>Dear mites they were! Too quiet and good. I sent to a neighbouring -bazaar for some toys for them. Then I drew up a plan for the future.</p> - -<p>I asked my sister-in-law what she meant to do for the winter. It was -impossible for her to go back home. The enemy had just laid hands on -St. Mihiel.</p> - -<p>"Stay in Paris," she said.</p> - -<p>"How depressing that would be!"</p> - -<p>I pretended to be seized with a sudden inspiration. "Suppose we all -went off to the Riviera for a time, for a rest?"</p> - -<p>The suggestion was carried unanimously. It was a landmark set up.... To -draw all my belongings down there. It seemed to me that in accompanying -me, they would share my joy. As for me—could I hesitate? The Landrys' -departure for Antibes, seriously delayed by certain complications, was -fixed for the following month. I had reminded Jeannine of her promise -to come round by the Bourbon line. The matter was arranged.</p> - -<p>I fondly imagined that I should have recovered by that date. Bujard -spoke to me every day of the marvellous apparatus which was to disguise -my misfortune.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>My sister left again with her children, recalled to Paris by various -purchases and other matters. The sweetness she had brought with her -persisted. Those were radiant days.</p> - -<p>I began to get up. First a foot out of bed, nothing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_503" id="Page_503">[Pg 503]</a></span> more. My father -who was still vigorous lent me the support of his arm. My head swam -when I stood up. I was just able to reach an arm-chair, and doubted -whether my strength could ever come back. I was especially bewildered -by the strange lack of equilibrium.</p> - -<p>I held the crutches in abhorrence. I should never get accustomed to -that. Directly it was possible, Bujard brought me a wooden stump. -Frightful! However, it was a way of progressing. My left leg was able -to get exercise, and regain strength, little by little. I walked up and -down the landings, and the hotel garden.</p> - -<p>I was measured for a jointed limb. Bujard had told me of an American -firm which was supplying both groups of belligerents, so he assured me. -I sent my order to them.</p> - -<p>The delay demanded had seemed to me very reasonable. But, when I first -began to go into the town I fell a prey to the embarrassing compassion -of the passers-by. They nudged each other, when they met me.</p> - -<p>"Another one!"</p> - -<p>"Poor fellow!"</p> - -<p>I, who aspired to losing myself in the crowd, like other people!</p> - -<p>I happened just then to come across the prospectus of an English firm, -which offered to provide the whole thing complete in a fortnight, at a -price defying all competition!</p> - -<p>"A hoax!" Bujard warned me.</p> - -<p>It couldn't be helped. I was consumed with impatience. I wrote, -enclosing my cheque. We should see. It would be well worth the twelve -pounds it would cost me.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_504" id="Page_504">[Pg 504]</a></span></p> - -<p>Those were happy weeks, I repeat. I went before a Board; I was passed, -and left the hospital. I was free! And had the satisfaction of feeling -that I had paid my debt to the full.</p> - -<p>I wrote letters, and received them. Madeleine wrote me jewels of -sisterly affection. Guillaumin, for his part, sent me picturesque -epistles. They had had a rough time again, at the beginning of October, -round Champieu and De Roye.</p> - -<p>Since then, trench warfare had been inaugurated: they were settling -down for the winter. There was not a word of complaint, simply the -tranquil and delightful keenness he had always shown. The morale of the -men was intact. And they had had so few casualties during the last five -weeks. They were well fed. The only drawback was the lack of heating -arrangements!</p> - -<p>I replied to him at length, and sent a real letter, too, to each man -who had signed the collective post-card which I have already mentioned.</p> - -<p>I asked my sister-in-law to go and call on Guillaumin's sister in the -little flat she had in the Gobelins. They talked for a whole hour about -him and me, like firm friends; and Madeleine managed to procure some -piano lessons for the other—a real feat!</p> - -<p>The postal arrangements had improved considerably. Neither Jeannine -nor I lost any time. Directly a letter arrived—quick!—the answer was -written. Our eagerness was more intense than ever.</p> - -<p>The German offensive in the North had not come to an end. The fighting -round Ypres had caused us a recurrence of anguish. My father had -another attack one evening when we once more thought—from reticences -in the <i>communiqué</i>—that our line had been<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_505" id="Page_505">[Pg 505]</a></span> forced and penetrated, and -that the road to Calais was open.</p> - -<p>A few words from Jeannine—a supplementary card, that one—were what -reassured us, before all the papers. An aide-de-camp from Foch had -just been dining with them, and had given them details. The situation -had been critical, desperate, one day, but it had been tardily -re-established the next day, and was now consolidated, and no longer -gave any cause for alarm.</p> - -<p>I read the whole passage to my father. He gave a sigh of relief.</p> - -<p>"We are saved, then! The source of your information seems reliable. Is -it one of your friends, who's written to you?"</p> - -<p>"A friend, yes."</p> - -<p>Later on, quite soon, it would be sweet to open my heart to him, to -claim his blessing on the daughter I should bring him.</p> - -<p>The Landrys had again put off the date of their departure. Jeannine -gave me to understand, with a certain emphasis, that some business -matters could not be settled. I had the delicacy never to ask for -details.</p> - -<p>This delay suited me very well. I would have given a lot for them not -to join us before the ghastly "stump" had been relegated to the rubbish -heap. Jeannine had, perhaps, guessed as much.</p> - -<p>Oh! our correspondence at that point. I cannot prevent myself from -returning to the subject. Its tone of complete confidence, of youthful -abandonment. Oh! my loving beloved; arrayed in every attraction, who -did not intoxicate me solely by the enchantment of her clear life -and warm seduction, nor solely by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_506" id="Page_506">[Pg 506]</a></span> goodness which all her being -irradiated. She was the intellectual companion, too—the complement, -for which man's instinct yearns, and which he discovers so rarely.</p> - -<p>Sometimes, after having come into collision with my father who could -not be shaken in his opinions, I would turn to her in delight and -admire her broader outlook. For instance, he did not desire, or even -admit, the possibility of peace or a truce before the enemy had been -completely crushed. According to him, the necessary conditions of the -future Treaty were that the Central Powers should be dismembered; large -territories annexed; and our frontier extended as far as the Rhine. The -brutal law of force. The vanquished must bow his head. While, as for -her it must be noted that she cursed the cruel blindness of the Teuton -caste which provoked the catastrophe just as much as I did. But she -followed me—far better than that—she boldly out-stripped me in my -desire simply for the repression of a minor race, in my wish for the -future re-establishment of concord among all nations, not excepting -even that one. Did she not want to convince me that each great race in -turn let itself be ensnared by the mirage of universal hegemony. Look -at us, under Napoleon! In fifty or a hundred years, we should see these -Germans rallied to our republican wisdom.</p> - -<p>What joy I experienced in playing lightly upon all the chords of this -young soul, in hearing each one of them vibrate in harmony with me.</p> - -<p>I will quote one touching incident. She it was who sent me, by -telegram, too, the text of my promotion, as it appeared in the -<i>Gazette</i> on November the 23rd. So that was why she had sounded me so<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_507" id="Page_507">[Pg 507]</a></span> -dexterously for a long time now. I had told her what I knew, what my -captain proposed. I thought no more about it, instead of which, she had -studied the lists for weeks and weeks, with the perseverance of a woman -in love.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The English firm fulfilled their contract, the order was delivered on -the promised date. Bujard shook his head when he examined it. Just as -he had expected. A ready-made model!</p> - -<p>As for me, the apparatus attracted me. I put it on hurriedly, and -having pulled on my trousers, went and planted myself in front of the -wardrobe looking-glass, which no longer reflected the former, monstrous -and incomplete apparition. Upright and firmly planted on my feet, and -well-balanced, I admired myself, restored to my manly dignity. Now, -Jeannine might come! I could not help telling her of the joy which was -running over in me. I jokingly told her that I had to think before -being sure which leg was missing.</p> - -<p>She replied with the announcement that they were to start on their -journey in a few days.</p> - -<p>The fulness of life! The rapture of it! I was about to attain my -supreme end, and was exalted by the prospect of it. The time was -accomplished. I had escaped the wind of death which had felled so many -others. The war might still be in progress—I must ask pardon for this -return of egoism!—At a time when my brothers were still suffering and -perishing, I awaited, with heart enthralled, the coming of my betrothed.</p> - -<p>How strange is destiny. I looked back upon the weeks spent, not so very -long ago, beside this girl. I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_508" id="Page_508">[Pg 508]</a></span> had not had an inkling, then, of what -she was to be to me. How fantastic it seemed that I should be beholden -to that brutal separation. How near I had come to neglecting happiness!</p> - -<p>But for the War——!</p> - -<p>I dared to look this terrible truth in the face. Thus are hearts -tempered anew. I had had to undergo the dread ordeal by fire, which -consumes the greater number, whence a few issue, purified.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_509" id="Page_509">[Pg 509]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_IVd" id="CHAPTER_IVd">CHAPTER IV</a></p> - -<p class="center">THE AWAKENING</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Such</span> was the dream I lived in. To-day, when I go over that time in -retrospect, I ask myself whether I did not experience any anxiety. Not -the least. Not for an instant did I see my sky overcast.</p> - -<p>I was harshly undeceived on one point though. In using it I found out -how second-rate the English article was. It answered the purpose all -right as long as I kept still, but light as it seemed it was necessary -to exert my hip to work it, which made me walk with a kind of unsightly -swing and very quickly tired me.</p> - -<p>I got into the habit of going out during the best hours of the day -while the fine weather lasted. Once outside, I walked slowly, putting -on the air of a loiterer. As uninitiated passers-by might well think -I was merely slightly lame, I now had to be doubly vigilant about -avoiding the least contact with the crowd. Alas! I was very unsteady; -twice I nearly fell when someone bumped into me, and people did not -apologise; the mufti I had taken to again seemed to rob me of the right -to any consideration.</p> - -<p>Who would believe that I almost got as far as to regret the wooden -stump? My last hopes were fixed on the American firm. I congratulated -myself upon not having cancelled my order. A fellow-sufferer had just -been introduced to me, who had been supplied<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_510" id="Page_510">[Pg 510]</a></span> with a leg by them, and I -marvelled at his young and supple carriage.</p> - -<p>Why did I make a point of telling Jeannine of my disillusionment? -Perhaps in order to get the answer, "What are you worrying about?" With -ambitious coquetry I boasted in advance of the wonders expected from -the other firm.</p> - -<p>The reply was delayed for six days, and when it came was only -four pages. The Landrys were putting the finishing touch to their -preparations. There was not a single allusion to my infirmity, which -I had told her was well on the way to being cured. No doubt she had -made a rule never to broach the subject. Having once and for all given -me proof of her tender pity she wished thenceforward to spare me the -humiliation of feeling that she even thought of it.</p> - -<p>Some days slipped by. I had written to her again in an affectionate -tone. Though tempted to give her to understand that it would be less -painful to show myself to her in a fortnight's time, I refrained from -making such a mistake. That was a secondary matter. Only let her come! -let her come! Oh, my love!</p> - -<p>At this point, there was a long silence on her part. Must it be put -down to the postal service again? No, we received our other letters -from Paris quite regularly.</p> - -<p>At the end of ten days I wrote her a line, saying that I was anxious. -No answer—what could I make of it? I was seized with apprehension. -Was she ill perhaps? But I should have been told about it. Had some -accident happened to her? That was more likely. If so, what was it? My -thoughts wandered, incapable of fixing themselves.</p> - -<p>Then, one morning, just as I got out of bed, the waiter brought me a -card. What power there is in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_511" id="Page_511">[Pg 511]</a></span> presentiments! As I took it from him I -distinctly saw another, the one I had got from Jeannine at F—— the -day before we started. I immediately thought—why, I wonder? that was -the first, and this—this, the last!</p> - -<p>It was not the Paris postmark. I undid it slowly, pretending—on -whose account?—to be unmoved. One page, no more. It was headed -Juan-les-Pins, December 17, 1914. Jeannine expressed her regret at the -fact that they had been prevented from making the detour they intended, -because the time-tables fitted in so awkwardly. Her grandmother was not -very well, as a result of a great deal of worry, and found the journey -long enough without adding to it. They had arrived the day before -yesterday on the Riviera, which was not justifying its reputation, -since the sun was absent. It lacked joyousness above everything. She -added that she could not tear her thoughts away from the cold Northern -regions, where so much youth, and all the promise of the future was -succumbing. She ended by expressing the hope that we should see each -other again some day. There was no allusion to our travelling plans, -which I had mentioned to her several times.</p> - -<p>I stood still, thunder-struck. I mechanically began to read over the -lines again. The letters were dancing. I searched for an unexpected -meaning in them. I refused to admit.... But the conviction was secretly -gaining ground in my mind.</p> - -<p>When I got to the signature again, there was not an unsteady stroke. -The evolution was complete; I was ripe at last to understand. It -was the emanation of a distant, a prodigiously distant being. How -could I ever have thought—? My simplicity amazed me. Here, endless -overwhelming forebodings occurred to my<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_512" id="Page_512">[Pg 512]</a></span> mind. The imperceptibly, but -totally changed tone of her letters; the note of friendship substituted -for that of love; never a word in reference to my misfortune; the -grandmother always refraining from adding a personal message, the -long-delayed opportunity of seeing me again. Lastly, the brutal -decision: these four sentences of dismissal.</p> - -<p>I leant on the window looking over the hotel garden from the second -floor. A bare lawn, and leafless trees. A cold and dreary wind was -blowing, this winter morning. I pictured her, too, at her window -opening on to the sea. My thoughts sought her thoughts. Yes, I wanted -her to feel me moved by her cold, heart-breaking epistle at that -moment. Ah, and if she could have read my heart, she would have seen -that it held for her nothing but a desperate, resigned devotion.</p> - -<p>Move her to pity? A dead ambition. Demand an explanation? What was the -good? I saw it quite clearly. Curse her, blaspheme against her? How far -that was from my thoughts. I did not accuse her of treachery. It seemed -to me certain that at the time of the uplifting struggle she had dreamt -of me as her bridegroom of to-morrow. But since I had been damaged. My -God! What could I have reproached her with?</p> - -<p>Had I still supposed myself worthy to inspire contentment in a youthful -creature, inexperienced and perfect? When no engagement bound us! For -on what foundations had I built? On nothing more than an odd avowal -or two hidden here and there between the lines. Sand scattered by the -wind! I might read over her letters, those written during the last few -months and even those at the beginning. When once my own ardour had -abated I should not find in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_513" id="Page_513">[Pg 513]</a></span> them either oath or promise; there was -nothing there, nothing had ever been expressed but a sisterly affection.</p> - -<p>It occurred to my mind that more than one girl of former days, brought -up in the pious ideas of devotion and self-sacrifice, would have felt -herself especially bound to proclaim as her fiancé the man who had -suffered at the hands of Fate—inspirations to be respected, but, I -admitted, out of date. This generation, less sensible—I have already -said Jeannine was not the least—to the impress of religion, showed -more common sense. It was permissible for a child of our century, -however generous she might be, to trust to time to cure all heartaches, -in others and in herself, to aspire to a happiness other than sacrifice.</p> - -<p>Jeannine might have suffered, might be suffering still. Yes, she -must regret that what was not, might not be. It was possible that -she might carry away a picture of me which would illuminate a chaste -corner of her memory: an idol that she had not been able to bring -herself to destroy by seeing me again. It was Reason. I bowed to the -sovereign I always recognised. Does one not usually end by repenting -of a sacrifice? I glanced into the glass—I have said that I was -not dressed: ugliness, a lack of harmony, weakness. If I had given -her my arm, she would have been the one to support me. What shame, -what remorse even, there would have been for me, in paralysing this -creature, so vividly alive, in eternally hearing her pitied, she who -was born to be envied.</p> - -<p>I dressed with my mind a blank. I abstained, when I was ready, from -knocking at the door of the room next to mine, where my father slept. I -was afraid of letting him see the distracted look on my face.</p> - -<p>I went downstairs and out of doors. Where should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_514" id="Page_514">[Pg 514]</a></span> I go to? I avoided -the frequented streets, and the park where I liked to sit. It was a -long round. How my leg weighed on me. But I forced myself to walk -quickly, as long as I continued to meet any one. When I got beyond the -suburbs some power or other abruptly ceased to support me. Faint, and -at the end of my strength, I was only just able to reach a heap of -stones, upon which I sank down.</p> - -<p>There was a nip in the air. The sun, like a dull ball, appeared behind -a livid curtain of cloud.</p> - -<p>What a feeling of irremediable collapse! All my strength, physical -and moral, was annulled. My despair alone lived on in the depths of -my frozen heart. For a long while I experienced a secret, harrowing -joy in imagining the future, such as it might have been. My sorrow was -exasperated by turning over such visions in my mind, and reached a -state of paroxysm. I could not bear it. I got up, picked up my stick, -and went on along the road.</p> - -<p>Not far away, beyond some fields, a line of poplars made me guess where -the Allier lay. I was drawn on by a fatal longing to reach the bank of -the river. Poor soul, born but to disappear!</p> - -<p>Swollen by the autumn rains, the river filled its huge bed to the -brink. It was a glaucous, sinister stretch of water. Eddying foam was -swept along on a strong current.</p> - -<p>I was tempted. I approached the bank. It fell away in a steep slope -towards the stream which swished along it with a monotonous gurgle. I -planted my stick at the extreme edge among the fragments of slate. I -leant over—it was horribly alluring—and I granted myself a certain -delay.</p> - -<p>What a stirring moment that was while my fate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_515" id="Page_515">[Pg 515]</a></span> hung in the balance. I -had come to the end of my tether. What had brought me there? Was it -not the paltry idea of bringing remorse to birth in Jeannine's heart? -But what would she know of my wretched fate? And why revenge myself -so basely? I scrupled to annihilate the vestige of strength which I -constituted. Lastly, there was the disdain for an act of romantic -impotence.</p> - -<p>And then, what pulled me up short was the thought of the old man, who -must have heard me go out, who was alarmed no doubt already, whose life -hung upon my return. Then I sat down. Ceasing to hypnotise myself by -gazing at the torrent eating away the bank at my feet, my eyes strayed -to the horizon. By a stretch of the imagination it seemed to me that I -dominated the field where my individual happiness had been shattered.</p> - -<p>The War! Had I not come—I remember the day before—to deify the word! -Yes, it was a progressive spell. The War! While childishly attributing -the rejuvenation of my soul to it, I had ended by seeing in it the -fairy who was cruel to be kind. So many thinkers and poets had bowed -down to this terrible goddess, before me.</p> - -<p>My aberration fell to pieces. The War! The abominations which were -really contained in this term rose up and quelled me.</p> - -<p>Those villages, blazing like torches. The Meuse rolling by with its -purple slime; the woods of Montrolles with their grasses stained with -mottled patches violet, the traces of our brothers massacred there. O -death, sole enemy of man, sneering at the orgies of the sword! So many -beings who moved and loved, struck off the rolls, so many lights put -out! De Valpic,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_516" id="Page_516">[Pg 516]</a></span> the great-hearted, and Henriot and little Frémont; -my excellent Bouillon, Prunelle, Icard; Descroix and Playoust, too, -all or almost all, without discrimination—a crowd of friends and -companions, now grimacing underground. And the anonymous multitude, -those foul masses of corpses whose odour had pursued us all through -our fighting from end to end. All that, oh! merely a prologue! As if -it was enough that a million young men should be sacrificed. To death, -to death with their elders, the fellows from thirty to forty. The -trench fighting instituted, which would last how long, O God! The sons -of the hostile races, face to face in their burrows, spitting murder -and hatred at each other, tracing with their blood the baleful line -of fire. Frenzy gaining the two fronts little by little, the zones of -slaughter being displaced and stretched out, others being made. Where -would the conflagration end? A craze for butchery sweeping through the -world. Would there be an acre in Europe, to-morrow, which had not seen -human remains decaying beneath the beaks of carrion crows, or which did -not contain them in its depths, infecting the sources of their poisoned -juices?</p> - -<p>Ah! when the awakening came at last, and the diplomats, old vultures, -were collected round the council-board to talk, they might congratulate -themselves as they audited the balance sheet. Broken up, ground and -crushed, these two, three, four generations of men who might have been -great, and collaborated in the common cause. So many wounded who would -soon succumb, wan wrecks, and so many others who, like myself, would -only drag out the shadow of an existence. And all the rest! The ravaged -homes, the wives abandoned to the terrors of their widowhood,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_517" id="Page_517">[Pg 517]</a></span> the old -parents dying with curses on their lips, the children delivered over -without guidance to life's buffetings, the surplus girls especially, -deprived of their natural associates, devoted to the sorrows of -debauchery. With many of those who came back safely, the mind at least -would be affected, their faith in work sapped, their brutal instincts -let loose, and their desire for immediate enjoyment aroused. The public -wealth destroyed, want bringing revolt in its train, the emasculated -nations incapable of recovering, or even of governing themselves. The -snare of revolutions, of frightful social convulsions. What could one -depend upon henceforth? There would be no law or rule of any sort. The -religions, Art, Science, all these would be humiliated before Force. -The Ideal broken and trampled underfoot. An infected breath tainting -the sacred legacies of the past. The genius of destruction hovering -over a civilisation in ruins. That was what War meant!</p> - -<p>A monstrous survival of primitive errors. How I abhorred them all of a -sudden, the politics and morals which revere this scourge of God.</p> - -<p>As to war raising the hearts of individuals and nations, alas, who -could answer for it? For one soul purified, how many others would be -vilified! And, above all, how terrible was the remedy, a thousand times -worse than the complaint.</p> - -<p>War might be necessary, and it was in this case, for the defence of our -native land. Then it might give birth to the most noble effervescence. -Then in its radiance virtues might thrive like plants beneath a -tropical sun. But it remained no less the supreme calamity; the triumph -of the powers of Death.</p> - -<p>Care must be taken not to magnify it, not to flatter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_518" id="Page_518">[Pg 518]</a></span> the fluctuating -mind of the nations with bellicose dreams. We must needs greet a like -catastrophe with a fiercely hostile heart, abhor it, blaspheme against -it, we miserable creatures, who had but one life to live, one brief -chance of being happy.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_519" id="Page_519">[Pg 519]</a></span></p> - - - - -<p class="ph2"><a name="CHAPTER_Vd" id="CHAPTER_Vd">CHAPTER V</a></p> - -<p class="center">A GIRL OF 1915</p> - - -<p><span class="smcap">My</span> sister has rejoined us at Vichy with her children. We are to leave -together for the South. The idea no longer holds any attraction for me, -everything draws me in the opposite direction. But I cannot give my -reasons. I pretend to be waiting for the delivery of my order from the -American firm, not to want to move before it has arrived. Very well! -The excuse serves for a few days. But now the limb is delivered. Ten -times preferable to the other, light and strong at the same time. This -knee that bends is a marvel! Though it matters little enough to me now, -it is true.</p> - -<p>How am I to withstand the family urgency now? In vain I argue that I am -still weak. They all persist in extolling the advantage to be derived -from a change of air. And then the tickets have been taken and our -rooms engaged at Cannes in one of the only hotels not transformed into -hospitals. I gain a week more. Here is Christmas, and the New Year's -Day, so many All Souls' Days! Oh well, I shall have to give in.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A palace on the Antibes road; a park with luxuriant palms; a -far-reaching view over the turquoise-coloured sea. Very few people—a -diminished staff; war prices; besides, my father is making us a present -of this holiday.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_520" id="Page_520">[Pg 520]</a></span></p> - -<p>My sister-in-law at once makes inquiries about less pretentious -quarters, where we may end the winter. Getting wind of this project, -I hasten to remonstrate. She is surprised; what's the matter? Do I no -longer like this part? Didn't I choose it myself? I admit that I have -changed my mind—a convalescent's weak nerves—that I dream of less -well-known neighbourhoods, Corsica or the Morocco coast.</p> - -<p>It is quite true: I burn to escape from all that oppresses me on this -coast. I avoid letting my eyes rest upon the headland of La Croisette. -I can picture, too vividly, the bay behind it with its silver slopes, -the Cape d'Antibes stretching out into the sea, with the white -lighthouse at La Groupe, and, facing towards us amid the tangled mass -of verdure, that dwelling so often described to me.</p> - -<p>These associations overwhelm me. Be still, my heart, be still! This is -the sun which warms her, these are the waves whose murmur lulls her to -sleep, the air which quickens her. I cannot breath here!</p> - -<p>My people, who enjoy being at Cannes, give way to my express wish: we -are to leave again.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>To-morrow will be our last day here. I am seated on the promenade. -Where are the luxurious cars with their insolent footmen? Where are the -dandies in white flannel, the fair pedestrians in toilettes fit for a -queen? The patrons of the Riviera, this year, are those poor soldiers -in faded uniforms.</p> - -<p>I find myself near the place where the sea-gulls used, formerly, to -whirl, catching in their flight the scraps which little girls threw to -them. They have deserted the shore. They are playing together in the -distance, skimming the gleaming surface of the waves.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_521" id="Page_521">[Pg 521]</a></span></p> - -<p>I am waiting for Madeleine and my small nephew and niece. Here they -come—she with her long veil. The passers-by think, as they meet her, -of their losses of yesterday and to-morrow.</p> - -<p>"A letter for you, Michel."</p> - -<p>"Thanks."</p> - -<p>I take it nonchalantly. Where is the news, to-day, with any power to -stir me?</p> - -<p>But the envelope torn the blood throbs in my temples! I can't -believe....</p> - -<p>It is from Madame Landry!</p> - -<p>She writes that she has just seen my name in the <i>Journal des -Étrangers</i> (so it still appears?). We were expected here. She and her -grand-daughter would be delighted if I would go to see them, delighted, -too, if my family would accompany me. She proposed a day, the day after -to-morrow.</p> - -<p>I don't know where I am. My hand tightens on the letter. Jeannine has -taken care not to add a word. My heart swells with bitterness. But why -this proceeding?</p> - -<p>I shall not go! I cannot go!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Oh, my sister, the only friend left to me, why did I feel a longing to -confide in someone, at the sight of your sweet melancholy? I began by -joking:</p> - -<p>"Halloa, an invitation!"</p> - -<p>You searchingly fixed your eyes, full of affection on me.</p> - -<p>Drawing a quadrant in the sand with the end of my stick, in a toneless -voice, which I force myself to render frivolous, I have told Madeleine -this story. But by some subtle feeling of bashfulness, I have not made -myself out as ingenuous—I should have blushed for it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_522" id="Page_522">[Pg 522]</a></span>—as I was. I -have told her that directly I saw I had been damaged I had ceased to -indulge in a hope grown fond. Our continued correspondence had been a -consolation prize. Then when she had tired even of this game I lost -interest in it too.</p> - -<p>Madeleine has said to me, in her calm voice:</p> - -<p>"It seems to me that nothing is lost."</p> - -<p>I have protested.</p> - -<p>"I shan't go!"</p> - -<p>"You must go."</p> - -<p>"What's the use?"</p> - -<p>"Who can read in another's heart?" she murmured.</p> - -<p>And she confides in me that on the day when Victor had asked for her -hand in marriage, her mother had sent for her to consult her, as was -seemly. And she, who loved him—and how she loved her young, intrepid -soldier! This union was her one wish—she began to sob, stammering -"No," amid her tears. They were unfathomable creatures, certainly!</p> - -<p>But I smiled at my misery, and at this senseless renewal of intercourse.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Why have I obeyed her? Why have I got into this train alone? She would -come next time, she assured me prettily. The rear carriage without -a top races along, raising clouds of white dust. I catch frequent -glimpses of the radiant stretch of water. Here is the Juan Vallauris -Gulf. Now we are skirting the edges of the coast, the pearly foam -frolicking almost at our feet on the pale strand.</p> - -<p>I force myself to think of nothing. That would be best. I come to grief -over it, and my thoughts are torture. Why am I going there? Out of -cowardice? Or else is it a remnant of hope? No! We'll dismiss<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_523" id="Page_523">[Pg 523]</a></span> that -idea! Rather, I think, in order to prove to myself that I am not afraid -to suffer.</p> - -<p>I stiffen myself. I will be correct and cold. Cold, poor wretch! Just -now my tears welled up at the sight of the sunlit road where there -might some day have gambolled lovely children, born to us.</p> - -<p>I have got out, and have slowly traversed the deserted village, and -rounded the tall pine-wood. My footsteps sink into the earth—an -inconvenience shared by everyone. My jointed leg flexes at the -difficulties in the ground, and does not call attention to my drawback. -I just seem tired by my walk.</p> - -<p>I have forbidden myself to think, to procrastinate, or to hesitate, or -I should not have got as far as this threshold. Just as well, since I -am embarked on this fantastic adventure. No backing out of it! For a -soldier!</p> - -<p>There it is. I recognise the gates, overhung with ivy, from the -description they gave me. Here it is! I ring, with wonderful, -unexpected calmness. My heart has stopped beating quickly, since my -fate is sealed.</p> - -<p>The sound of footsteps. Is it she? No, the maid coming to open the gate -to me. Was I expected as early as this?</p> - -<p>A short and fairly steep pathway brings us to the flight of steps -leading up to the villa. No one at the windows—luckily! As a matter of -fact, my careless carriage cloaks my lameness.</p> - -<p>I have been taken into the drawing-room, and the maid has gone -to tell—A prettily furnished room, unobtrusively luxurious, and -smacking of the old <i>bourgeoisie</i>, of matured and refined taste. -Old furniture—flowers in modern vases. I go up to a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_524" id="Page_524">[Pg 524]</a></span> table with -photographs standing on it. Here is, or, rather, are hers. This one -dates back to two years ago. She seems a child, with her hair down her -back Thus it was that she entered upon life.</p> - -<p>I am struck by a pastel on the wall—a gracious portrait of a young -woman. That resemblance—Her mother, no doubt; her mother, who had died -when she was twenty-four.</p> - -<p>A door opens. It is Madame Landry, as slim and sprightly as ever, in -her dark gown, but she has a tired expression, it is true. Is she still -an invalid? She denies it, in a few disconnected sentences, and seems -even more perturbed than I am.</p> - -<p>"Jeannine is just coming down," she says.</p> - -<p>I ask: "How is she? Quite fit?"</p> - -<p>"Very."</p> - -<p>Then, recovering herself:</p> - -<p>"I've been annoyed—with her."</p> - -<p>But here is Jeannine herself.</p> - -<p>I admire my self-control, for I get up and go towards her. There is -nothing constrained in my gait; I hardly drag my leg. Dazzled, and yet -at the same time clear-sighted, I look at her with a prejudiced eye. I -do not think her as lovely as she was.</p> - -<p>I have bowed and pressed her hand; a commonplace greeting has been -exchanged. The little brother has already appeared, and is deafening -me with a crowd of questions which I answer good-naturedly. How -easily it passes, this moment, which I had dreaded so much. We -might be back at Ballaigues: the tone of courtesy and irony—and of -indifference—recovered.</p> - -<p>A strange hour. The conversation does not flag. Mention is made of my -family, whose regrets I am supposed to have brought. Then I plunge into -praise<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_525" id="Page_525">[Pg 525]</a></span> of this heaven-blest country where they pass each winter. The -grandmother interrupts me. This season is the last they will spend here.</p> - -<p>"Really?"</p> - -<p>Jeannine changes the subject.</p> - -<p>The conversation, having wavered, naturally returns to the War. When -will it end? In the spring? Yes, after the Big Push! We return to the -first weeks. They ply me with questions. What have I seen? At first, -I decline to be drawn out. They insist—I let myself go. They listen, -and ask for details. Here is the perfect audience, interested and -impassioned. Even technical details do not repel them, this sister and -this daughter of soldiers, who have been staking out the maps with -little flags; they, too.</p> - -<p>I question them in my turn. It pleased me to hear them describing -Paris' proud bearing at the time of our reverses. They have a right to -speak of it, as they live there. When I mention our meeting with the -two young Red Cross members at Rosny——</p> - -<p>"It might have been me," says Jeannine. "I was at St. Denis that -morning."</p> - -<p>Heavens! I do not know what I had feared or desired. I become -expansive. My mind is set at ease. What, is that Jeannine, who is -listening to me, leaning her chin in her hand? Is it her pure, pensive -gaze which mine meets without embarrassment?</p> - -<p>And the grandmother is standing up. In the most natural tone in the -world, she asks her grand-daughter to show me round the garden.</p> - -<p>Jeannine hesitates, and looks at her. I wonder, at this moment, if -Madame Landry has ever heard of our letters, if she sees the tragic -undercurrents to this frivolous scene which is being enacted.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_526" id="Page_526">[Pg 526]</a></span></p> - -<p>Jeannine is still considering. Is she afraid that the walk may tire me? -I get up, and reassure her in advance. She blushes. The grandmother -apologises for not accompanying us—the doctor forbids it.</p> - -<p>So I call little André—I only forestall Jeannine—that there may be a -third in the party.</p> - -<p>The child jumps down the steps. I walk down gingerly, holding on to the -rail; Jeannine, with her usual tact, more slowly still.</p> - -<p>This garden is more like a park. Trees of twenty species meet here, -mingled in a medley, with the luxuriance of primeval forests—palms, -maples, and olives; and I am made to guess the name of magnolias and -mastic trees. I admire the tangles of lichens and aloes and the "mimosa -alley," running between two hedges of gold.</p> - -<p>How sad and exquisitely sweet this loitering is. Our futile topics lend -it a melancholy charm. I should like to be able to detain the fleeting -moments. We are going up to the house again. I am going away—and I -shall never come back.</p> - -<p>"I don't like our garden any more," Jeannine suddenly declared. "I've -not been down into it three times since we got there."</p> - -<p>"Why not?"</p> - -<p>"It doesn't belong to us now. The villa is sold."</p> - -<p>"An accomplished fact?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, with everything belonging to it. To some Americans, from the -first of February."</p> - -<p>This astonishes me:</p> - -<p>"As soon as that?"</p> - -<p>"We had to."</p> - -<p>"Where are you going to spend the rest of the winter then?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_527" id="Page_527">[Pg 527]</a></span></p> - -<p>"We shall have to go back to Paris."</p> - -<p>André seems bored by our pace, which is not lively enough for him. He -outstrips us, comes back to fetch us, and covers twice the distance we -do.</p> - -<p>"I am sure he's dying to show me his playground."</p> - -<p>"Probably," Jeannine acquiesced.</p> - -<p>We reach a lawn. Here is a piece of ground which has been dug up, and a -chalked line.</p> - -<p>"How far can you jump now, André?"</p> - -<p>"More than four yards," he exclaims.</p> - -<p>He leaves his straw hat in our care, goes off to get room, takes a run, -and jumps; and immediately turns round, triumphant, the four yards -cleared.</p> - -<p>"Bravo! You are getting on."</p> - -<p>"Oh, it'll be a long time before I can jump like you."</p> - -<p>He stops short, biting his lip. Too late. We all three redden, and -recall that summer's day when, in compliance with a request from -Jeannine, I had taken off my coat, and jumped nearly five yards on the -sand. To-day? Alas, to-day!</p> - -<p>Jeannine points out the croquet lawn to me, in passing.</p> - -<p>"And what about tennis?"</p> - -<p>"We've given up playing."</p> - -<p>I begin to feel slightly tired. Jeannine, who suspects it, slackens her -speed again, gracefully and unaffectedly. But it is heart-breaking for -me—I who have such a vivid recollection of the rhythm of her usual -pace. And had I not seen her at Ballaigues, challenging her brother to -race with her, and beating him with ease?</p> - -<p>The round is finished. We are going in. André proposes:</p> - -<p>"Suppose we take Mr. Dreher to the Observatory?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_528" id="Page_528">[Pg 528]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Just what I meant to do," she says. "We'll have a rest—I'm worn out."</p> - -<p>Is she putting it on, to make me forget my fatigue, or is she really -tired out? Her rosy colour has certainly paled very suddenly. Her pure -face is troubled, like limpid water which has been agitated.</p> - -<p>Mounting some steps, we gain a shady retreat, bordering on and -overlooking the road. A parasol, three chairs, a seat, an iron railing.</p> - -<p>Jeannine has dropped into a chair. I have seated myself beside her. Our -eyes roam over the stretch of country in front of us.</p> - -<p>The short January afternoon is already drawing to a close. The sun -is sinking behind the islands, which look like deep-sea monsters, -with purple scales. The West is bathed in a luminous pallor, even the -tracery of the Estérel is hardly discernible out yonder.</p> - -<p>At the bottom of the orange bay, there lie white houses with red roofs -and blazing windows, flaming as if the darkness were not near at hand. -And that is the way of my destiny. The last moment of radiance, on the -threshold of the eternal night!</p> - -<p>Jeannine is still silent. André chatters, and I am glad of it, and keep -him up to it. I profess an interest in the hairy cactus creeping along -the wall. I ask him the names of certain plants, and pretend to get -muddled in order to make him laugh.</p> - -<p>Is it I who am talking and joking, I, who smile? There is another -desperate I, coiled up at the centre of my being.</p> - -<p>A tinkle. The door-bell. André peeps between the branches.</p> - -<p>"I bet it's Maurice!"</p> - -<p>I mechanically ask: "Who's Maurice?"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_529" id="Page_529">[Pg 529]</a></span></p> - -<p>"A little neighbour," Jeannine replies.</p> - -<p>"Yes, that's him all right."</p> - -<p>The child bounds down the steps and leaves us alone. How awkward! -Just the very thing which should have been avoided. I try to fill -up the silence with a commonplace remark—Good God! This moment of -<i>tête-à-tête</i>, for which my whole being longed in desperation in the -hours of Death!</p> - -<p>André's voice makes itself heard. He comes running back.</p> - -<p>"I say, Jeannine, he wants to know if I may go and play with him."</p> - -<p>I hardly listen to the reply. Turning away, I contemplate the violet -crest of the Estérel, which has just revealed itself in the gloaming so -boldly that it might be taken for the outline of a cloud.</p> - -<p>One would almost say that Jeannine was hesitating. I listen, in spite -of myself, for the words that will fall from her lips—I know she will -recall her brother. The child is too useful here.</p> - -<p>But, no; she says nothing. And now the little fellow begins again:</p> - -<p>"May I, Jeannine? May I?"</p> - -<p>That colourless voice, changed and dejected.</p> - -<p>"Very well, run along," Jeannine has said.</p> - -<p>The boy makes her repeat it:</p> - -<p>"I may go?"</p> - -<p>"Yes—yes."</p> - -<p>His footsteps fly along the gravel.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A deep chord vibrates within me.</p> - -<p>A trifling incident, and yet—of infinite import. Jeannine sending her -brother away. Jeannine in favour of our being alone together.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_530" id="Page_530">[Pg 530]</a></span></p> - -<p>The sea glitters in the west. Elsewhere it borrows vermilion and -wine-coloured reflections from the conflict of sun and shade.</p> - -<p>I consider Jeannine, her heaving bosom, her quivering eyelashes—and -her hand, her adorable child's hand, lying on the rail, hypnotises me.</p> - -<p>I am dreaming—I no longer recognise myself; with my leg stretched -out and relaxed, I dream that I am like others—a man, young and -impassioned; and this girl, pale and tender, the promised creature.</p> - -<p>Then I say:</p> - -<p>"Our letters—were delightful."</p> - -<p>Jeannine does not answer, but her hand contracts convulsively. I dare -everything. I dare to stretch out towards it my man's hand, big and -strong. I seize it, limp and warm.</p> - -<p>"Do you remember Le Suchet? That sunrise on the Alps."</p> - -<p>She turns round and looks into my eyes. The dear, tormented face—I -would give the world to banish even the shadow of a grief from it.</p> - -<p>"Michel——"</p> - -<p>She breaks off.</p> - -<p>"Michel, have you something to say to me?"</p> - -<p>Her gaze puts me to confusion. I bend down and kiss her fingers; then, -I find nothing to say to her, but this:</p> - -<p>"Shake hands, Jeannine."</p> - -<p>A feverish pressure, in which our souls, too, hold each other first.</p> - -<p>"Are we agreed?"</p> - -<p>She answers: "Yes."</p> - -<p>The tone of her voice is no longer veiled. I gaze on her. The suffering -has suddenly vanished from her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_531" id="Page_531">[Pg 531]</a></span> eyes. All the brilliance has returned -to her complexion, just as it has to her glance. Again, the expression -of which I had kept such a delightful recollection, Youth smiling at -Happiness.</p> - -<p>Am I not assisting at a like transformation in myself? I, too, with -eyes re-opened, and heart illuminated and revived. All hail to the life -of light.</p> - -<p>"But, Jeannine," I ask her, at once, the past anguish throttling me -again, "why have you made me suffer so much?"</p> - -<p>"It was you," she murmurs. "Why did you stop writing to me?"</p> - -<p>"Your last letter was so cold. You never came—there."</p> - -<p>"I understood that you would rather we did not see you till you -were—quite cured."</p> - -<p>"An argument which I cannot refute. It's true—I did prefer that."</p> - -<p>"And then—" She lowers her voice. "There was that other matter——"</p> - -<p>"What matter?"</p> - -<p>"Which I mentioned to you."</p> - -<p>I do not understand. She continues in a more assured tone:</p> - -<p>"Well, we're ruined. We must sell everything. We don't even know if -that will be enough. Grandmother has had no luck. All her interests are -in the North. She is most dreadfully unhappy about it."</p> - -<p>So this was the reason. I am astounded, and stirred to the depths of my -being. I hardly dare believe—I smile:</p> - -<p>"Really! There really was nothing but that?"</p> - -<p>"I got it into my head," she says. "I wanted to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_532" id="Page_532">[Pg 532]</a></span> put you to the proof. -You never answered me on that point."</p> - -<p>Nothing but this scruple. It was she who thought she had lost value!</p> - -<p>"All the same," she continues, sighing as if she had been pulled out of -a fathomless abyss, "if Grandmother had not been determined—that there -should be an explanation——"</p> - -<p>I cannot prevent myself saying:</p> - -<p>"I dreaded your grandmother."</p> - -<p>"Why?"</p> - -<p>"I was so much afraid she might put you off."</p> - -<p>"But why?" Jeannine repeats.</p> - -<p>Oh, that ingenuous tone. Oh, that clear gaze and pure forehead, behind -which no mental reservations could revolve.</p> - -<p>Her fresh voice in my ear is like a bell ringing in the days of joy. I -could weep—I could go down upon my knees.</p> - -<p>"You see," she says, gravely, "those of you who come back like this, -you have so great a right to choose."</p> - - -<p class="center">THE END</p> - - - - -<p class="ph3" style="margin-top: 10em;"><i>A Selection from the Catalogue of</i><br /> - -G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS</p> - - - -<p>Complete Catalogues sent on application</p> - - -<p>"<i>OVER THE TOP</i>"</p> - -<p>BY</p> - -<p>AN AMERICAN SOLDIER WHO <i>WENT</i></p> - -<p><i>ARTHUR GUY EMPEY</i></p> - -<p>MACHINE GUNNER, SERVING IN FRANCE</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;"><i>12o 16 Illustrations and Diagrams $1.50 net<br /> -By mail, $1.60</i></span><br /> -</p> - -<p>TOGETHER WITH TOMMY'S DICTIONARY OF THE TRENCHES</p> - - -<p>For a year and a half, until he fell wounded in No Man's Land, this -American soldier took part in more actual fighting and real warfare -than any war correspondent saw, who has written about the war. His -experiences are grim, but they are thrilling and lightened by a touch -of humor as original as the Soldiers Three. And they are <i>true</i>.</p> - - -<p>G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">NEW YORK LONDON</span><br /> -</p> - - -<p>When the Prussians Came to Poland</p> - -<p>By</p> - -<p>Mme. Laura de Turczynowicz</p> - -<p>Marquise de Gozdawa</p> - -<p>12°. Illustrated. $1.25 net. By mail, $1.35</p> - - -<p>The story of an American woman, the wife of a Polish noble, caught in -her home by the floodtide of the German invasion of the ancient kingdom -of Poland.</p> - -<p>A straightforward narrative, terribly real, of her experiences in -the heart of the eastern war-zone, of her struggle with the extreme -conditions, of her Red Cross work, of her fight for the lives of her -children and herself against the dread Typhus, and at last, of her -release and journey through Germany and Holland to this country. How -truly she was in line of the German advance may be appreciated from -the fact that Field Marshal von Hindenburg for some days made his -headquarters under her roof.</p> - - -<p>G. P. Putnam's Sons</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">New York London</span><br /> -</p> - - -<p>Bullets & Billets</p> - -<p>By</p> - -<p>Bruce Bairnsfather</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;"><i>12o. 18 Full-page and 23 Text Illustrations. $1.50</i><br /> -<i>By mail, $1.60</i></span><br /> -</p> - - -<p>"'Bill,' 'Bert,' and 'Alf' have turned up again. Captain Bairnsfather -has written a book—a rollicking and yet serious book—about himself -and them, describing the joys and sorrows of his first six months in -the trenches. His writing is like his drawing. It suggests a masculine, -reckless, devil-may-care character and a workmanlike soldier. -Throughout the book he is as cheerful as a schoolboy in a disagreeable -football match."—<i>London Evening News.</i></p> - - -<p>G. P. Putnam's Sons</p> - -<p> -<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">New York London</span><br /> -</p> - - -<p>Aunt Sarah and the War</p> - -<p>A Tale of Transformations</p> - -<p><i>$.75 net. By mail, $.85</i></p> - - -<p>A story brimful of the new spirit that has come over the men and the -women of England. Those who, like the hero, have borne the hardships -of the trenches; those who, like the heroine, have felt the heart -wrench, will not soon return to the superficial and thoughtless ways -of yesterday. The book is a fine, patriotic embodiment of a nation's -spirit, as evinced by the people at home, no less than by those who are -bearing the brunt of battle.</p> - - -<p>G. P. 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Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition.</p> - -<p>Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org</p> - -<p>This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.</p> - -</body> -</html> - diff --git a/old/60166-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/60166-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 9825c75..0000000 --- a/old/60166-h/images/cover.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/60166.txt b/old/60166.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 01684df..0000000 --- a/old/60166.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,18208 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Ordeal by Fire, by Marcel Berger, -Translated by Mrs. Cecil Curtis - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: The Ordeal by Fire - By a Sergeant in the French Army - - -Author: Marcel Berger - - - -Release Date: August 24, 2019 [eBook #60166] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ORDEAL BY FIRE*** - - -E-text prepared by Brian Coe, Graeme Mackreth, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/ordealbyfire00bergiala - - - - - -THE ORDEAL BY FIRE - -by - -A Sergeant in the French Army - -MARCEL BERGER - -Translated by Mrs. Cecil Curtis - - - - - - -G.P. Putnam's Sons -New York and London -The Knickerbocker Press -1917 - -Copyright, 1916 -by -G. P. Putnam's Sons - -The Knickerbocker Press, New York - - - - -CONTENTS - - - PART I - - - _BOOK I_ - - _August 1, 1914_ - - CHAPTER PAGE - - I. JEANNINE LANDRY 3 - - II. A YOUNG MAN OF 1914 11 - - III. BELLS 19 - - IV. A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME EVENING 25 - - V. A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW 31 - - - _BOOK II_ - - _August 2nd-3rd_ - - VI. I GO BACK BY TRAIN 40 - - VII. PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT 45 - - VIII. MY FATHER 51 - - IX. MY FRIEND 60 - - X. EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS 66 - - - _BOOK III_ - - _August 4th-9th_ - - XI. THE FIRST STAGE 72 - - XII. NEW COMRADES AND OLD 79 - - XIII. KNOCKS AND CONTACTS 85 - - XIV. THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND 93 - - XV. AT THE GLOBE CAFE 103 - - XVI. CAVILLINGS 117 - - XVII. SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION 125 - - XVIII. A RETURN OF EGOISM 131 - - - PART II - - - _BOOK IV_ - - _August 9th-12th_ - - I. UNDER WAY 141 - - II. HARASSED, ALREADY 150 - - III. IN BILLETS 160 - - IV. AN ALARM 170 - - V. A THUNDERBOLT 176 - - - _BOOK V_ - - _August 12th-13th_ - - VI. ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE 184 - - VII. I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE 190 - - VIII. AWAITING OUR CUE 196 - - IX. THE BAPTISM OF FIRE 207 - - X. A MOMENT'S RESPITE 216 - - XI. A MUCH STIFFER MATTER 221 - - XII. WE COLLECT OURSELVES 232 - - - _BOOK VI_ - - _August 14th-25th_ - - XIII. A VICTORIOUS DAWN 239 - - XIV. EN ROUTE AGAIN 250 - - XV. A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY 255 - - XVI. GOOD COMRADES 265 - - XVII. DE VALPIC 272 - - XVIII. DARK HOURS 278 - - XIX. SPINCOURT 288 - - XX. THE WAR BEGINS 296 - - - PART III - - - _BOOK VII_ - - _August 25th-September 2nd_ - - I. IN RETREAT 307 - - II. DARK DAYS 314 - - III. STRENGTH OF MIND 323 - - IV. OH, MY FRIENDS 330 - - V. A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE 337 - - VI. THE POILUS 349 - - VII. SOCIALISM 357 - - VIII. A TEMPTATION 362 - - IX. AT PEACE WITH MYSELF 372 - - - _BOOK VIII_ - - _September 2nd-7th_ - - X. NEWS AT LAST 379 - - XI. THE CATHEDRAL 386 - - XII. PESSIMISM 394 - - XIII. A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER 401 - - XIV. HIGH STRATEGY 410 - - XV. A WORD IN SEASON 419 - - - _BOOK IX_ - - _September 7th-9th_ - - XVI. FINAL ANTICIPATION 433 - - XVII. WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION 441 - - XVIII. THE FIRST IMPACT 447 - - XIX. HOLDING OUT 453 - - XX. WE ARE NOT DEFEATED 460 - - XXI. THE CULMINATION 470 - - XXII. SERENITY 478 - - - PART IV - - - _BOOK X_ - - _Epilogue_ - - I. APPREHENSIONS 485 - - II. RELIEF 494 - - III. A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE 500 - - IV. THE AWAKENING 509 - - V. A GIRL OF 1915 519 - - - - -PART I - - - - -_BOOK I_ - -_August 1, 1914_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -JEANNINE LANDRY - - -I can see myself again on that afternoon walking up and down the -platform of Vallorbe Station. At my side little Andre, aged twelve, -sailor-collared and bare-legged, besieged me with questions concerning -sport. It was his craze. I did my best to give him the information he -wanted, while waiting impatiently for his people to reappear. - -I had offered to look after the ladies' luggage, but the grandmother -had declined my help with thanks. Jeannine was so capable! These little -jobs amused her. - -The girl came out on to the platform towards us, and wanted to take -back her dressing bag. I refused to allow it. - -Madame Landry joined us. I took her to a seat but she refused to sit -down, she was not tired. I always admired her, slim and alert at over -sixty. - -I had made their acquaintance at the hotel at which we had arrived -together three weeks before. The old lady, who was the widow of an -Inspector of Finances, always began by keeping her distance. The chance -discovery that I was the son of an officer in the army had prejudiced -her in my favour. The Landrys had many connections with the army, and -Colonel Dreher's name was not unknown to them. The grandmother had been -able to prove, by the concurrence of various dates, that my father must -have received his commission at the same time as her own brother, who -had been seriously wounded in the year '70. This was reason enough for -us to become very intimate in a few days. I learnt that Madame Landry -had lost her son, a lieutenant in the Cuirassiers, twelve years before. -He had been killed by a horse's kick and her daughter-in-law had died -in childbirth a few weeks later, whereupon she undertook to bring up -her two grandchildren. - -Jeannine was quite young, eighteen or nineteen, I think--she refused to -tell me her age, just for fun. She was tall and slim, and bright-eyed; -her mouse-coloured hair curled and entangled itself in spite of all she -could do. She had spent two years in England. It must have been there -that she had picked up this rather offhand, or more correctly speaking, -this playful manner, whose manifestations sometimes surprised her -grandmother, though they rarely shocked her. - -I who hold in equal abhorrence insipid or hypo-critical goody-goodies -and brazen coquettes, had been attracted by this frank ingenuity, -this assurance which was quite innocent of all effrontery. Our -friendship had been formed on the tennis court. Jeannine, who was -nimble and skilful and keen, was delighted to find a worthy opponent. -She challenged me anew every morning. She fought obstinately and was -annoyed if I paid her compliments. In the afternoon we went for walks, -chaperoned by Madame Landry, or the little brother, and in the evening -we both enjoyed our interminable discussions on the terrace where -sweet-scented breezes blew. - -The grandmother only put in an occasional word from her arm-chair, -a little way off. Jeannine willingly avoided topical futilities. -Literature, painting, music, or even politics--why not?--the occult -sciences--a fruitful subject of conversation when the mysterious night -is falling--she broached them all quite fearlessly. I have always had -a taste for riding headlong through these preserves of metaphysics -or ethics. Philosophers only venture there too gingerly, unravelling -the thread of a theory. The most delightful recreation is to disport -oneself there as if in conquered territory, to breast at a gallop some -hilltop or other, where one breathes in draughts of pure air, whence -one may cast a bold eye on life. - -Jeannine was not at all apprehensive of these giddy escapades. It was -an intellectual gymnastic, satisfying apparently the same taste for -action and expansion which she showed in the physical sphere. And yet -after one of these flights she used to feel the necessity of drawing -breath and retiring upon some graceful standpoint, in the same way in -which she would make a point of doing her hair and dressing for dinner, -on her return from an expedition. If I tried to lure her on again, she -resisted with a smile. - -"No, now let's talk seriously." - -Then I would see her withdraw into a fortress built of all she -definitely believed and knew, opinions, reveries, and prejudices which, -though she was charmingly logical, she owed to her race and education. -The best of it was that once in refuge there, in full possession of -her truths, the last thing she aimed at was to convert me. I, in my -turn, was obliged to shut myself up behind ramparts; I had some all -ready-made from whence I braved the world. - -Oh! there was nothing very new in it, in this doctrine I had drawn -from my reading and reflections, but I flattered myself that by having -thought it over, I had made it my own private property. It was the -eternal ego. Jeannine protested against it. She claimed that she was -not at all a rebel to the requirements of logic, indeed I recognised -her intellectual courage, her taste for sincerity. She had no religion -to embarrass her, no faith with which she might be tempted to oppose -the claims of her reason. Was she even a Catholic? No, simply a -free-thinker, though she did not boast about it in order not to grieve -her grandmother, who was, by the way, but a lukewarm _devote_. She -dreamt, however, that pure self-love was not the highest end, that -there were great souls, and lesser ones, that from time to time, a -little of the divine might inspire our dust.... - -Moonshine! I chaffed her: I made fun of all her would-be noble -feelings; I discovered gnawing egoism in them; I raised this dreary -God to a pinnacle. I went further; I was not afraid to unveil for -her sometimes the depths of my nihilism. Dried up and incapable of -experiencing the least emotion, I had adopted the standpoint, I told -her, of considering the universe as a scene, life as a vulgar farce, -denuded of rhythm and spaciousness, where each of us played a part. I -did not envy that of any one else, and mine did not interest me in the -least. - -When I made such confessions Jeannine looked at me in silence; then she -began to laugh: - -"You're making fun of me!" - -I denied it, guilty nevertheless of a smile which belied me. But, in -my inmost conscience, I knew only too well that I had not spoken in -fun. This young dialectician, whom my paradoxes amused, would have been -chilled, revolted, estranged from me for ever, if she had thought that -my courtesy hid nothing but this brutal scepticism, this cowardly lack -of curiosity. - - * * * * * - -The train was late; Madame Landry wished to set me free: - -"The time is getting on ... if you have to go as far as your -cousins'...." - -I naturally replied that I had plenty of time before me. - -"And then you want your papers!" Jeannine insinuated maliciously. - -It is true that I watched for the arrival of the Paris papers every -evening. Simply a matter of habit; so little news concerned me! The -day before, as it happened, the post had brought me nothing. I almost -suspected Jeannine of having laid hands on the mail. In any case, my -vexation and my grumbles had delighted her. - -An absolute child! - -The train still did not arrive. Conversation languished. I started a -subject likely to interest the travellers. They were going to make -a short stay on the shores of Lake Leman, a part which was strange -to them, but which I said they would think they recognised, it bore -so great a resemblance on the whole to the French Riviera, the -neighbourhood of Cannes and Mentone, where they spent the winter. I -told them of a comfortable hotel at Montreux. - -Jeannine seemed preoccupied. - -"We shall miss Ballaigues." - -"She loves this part of the world," said her grandmother. - -"I very much hope we shall be back no later than next week," continued -the girl. - -I teased: - -"One makes up one's mind about that; and then when one is happy -elsewhere...." - -"Must I take my oath on it?" - -"By Jove! That would make me decide to stay." - -I reflected that with her away, Ballaigues would lose much of its -charm. With the exception of Cipollina I had had nothing to do with the -other guests at the hotel, foreigners for the most part. My holiday -was nearly at an end. I did not doubt that at my request my director, -accommodating creature that he was, would make no difficulties about -extending my stay in Switzerland by a fortnight. But if the Landrys did -not.... - -The girl read my thoughts. - -"You know quite well," she said, "that we've arranged to go up the Dent -de Vaulion." - -"It will be the Pendant du Suchet." - -I felt that we were going over the details of the expedition in -silence.... I saw once more our start at midnight--we were quite a -troop with my cousins the de Jougnes;--the formation of a column, the -men waving lamps, the women helping themselves along with ice-axes; -the long ascent enlivened by songs and chatter; we should have gone -astray a hundred times but for the sure instinct of Doctor Claudel, an -old inhabitant of the country; the cows in the fields, awakened by our -torches and our laughter, getting up and making their bells tinkle; -the end of the ascent grown rougher, our shoes, which were unprovided -with nails, slipping on the stony incline; several tumbles; a little -wall skirted and then crossed. And all at once, at our side, the lights -of the canton of Vaud had revealed themselves, at an immense depth, -through a curtain of gloom: they might have been the lights of ships -in the roads, seen from the top of a gigantic cliff. The darkness had -dissipated gradually like a mist. Little by little the horizon had -withdrawn to the boundaries of the world. The pure line of snowy Alps -stood out against the rosy streak of dawn.... A few minutes of waiting, -and Phoebus rose resplendent and expanded, assuming many a bizarre -shape, until, full-blown and triumphant, he deigned to reflect his disk -in the waters of Neufchatel. - -The picture held me captive. As Jeannine repeated, "In a week's time -... that's agreed, isn't it?" I acquiesced; and then said whimsically: - -"Who knows what may have happened in a week's time! We may be in the -midst of war!" - -"Oh, come, there won't be any more war!" Then suddenly grown serious: - -"You don't believe it, do you?" she went on. - -I affected a certain gravity: - -"Well, really, the papers were horribly pessimistic the day before -yesterday...." - -"Here's the train!" the little boy interrupted. - -The majestic express thundered into the station. It stopped, all the -breaks creaking. The passengers got out in bad tempers, to go to the -custom-house. I had the luck to find places for my party; a priest with -a scared face questioned me in German: - -"Revitzionne," I said. - -"_Ya, ya._" - -He hurled himself into the corridor with his hands full of packages. - -Having settled themselves in, the ladies thanked me. A particular -gentleness distinguished Jeannine's tone; she announced once more that -we should soon meet again; besides, whatever happened, couldn't we -agree to exchange ... post-cards? I vowed myself charmed by the idea, -and took note of a double address at Cape d'Antibes and at St. Mande. - -It would soon be time to start. I left the carriage and went and leant -on the door where the window had been let down. - -We had no more to say to each other. I wished the train would get under -way. - -Jeannine pulled a roguish face: - -"We are keeping you standing there ... when your papers have just -arrived...." - -I had not time to retort with a joke. She corrected: - -"No, I've teased you enough! I don't want you to have unpleasant -recollections of me...." - -"Don't you worry," I said, smiling; "the recollections are charming." - -The train started off, without a whistle. The girl held out her gloved -hand to me through the window; I seized it; she gave mine a fleeting -squeeze. Andre waved his hat, Madame Landry bowed. I walked along -beside the carriage for a few yards, and nodded a last farewell. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -A YOUNG MAN OF 1914 - - -"Hello! the Paris papers not come yet?" - -"Just what I was saying to these gentlemen." - -"You don't know when they ought to get here?" - -"We know nothing about it, sir." - -"Have you any left from last night...?" - -The saleswoman looked through the rows. - -"Not a single one, sir." - -I left the station, thinking what a sell! I had hardly gone a hundred -yards before I heard myself called. - -"Halloa there! Signor Dreher!" - -I turned round: - -"Oh! It's you!" - -"I say, pretty bad, the news, what!" - -"Really, let's hear it?" - -"I've just glanced through the _Tribune de Lausanne_. Berlin announces -that war is imminent; Austria is mobilising; they say we're going to do -the same thing." - -"No?" - -I was dumbfounded for a moment; then, "Oh come! You'll see that affairs -will settle themselves yet." - -He shook his head: - -"It's quite true; nobody wants to fight. What about you, would it -convey anything to you to go and get your skin punctured?" - -I shrugged my shoulders: - -"Those are all journalists' tales! As copy is scarce in summer, they -start rumours of tension, of possible rupture, at this season, every -year...." - -"Suppose it should be serious, this time...?" - -"Nonsense! Can you see the French and Germans breaking each other's -heads ... for Serbia?" - -We followed the dusty road, ascending from Ballaigues; then in the high -path to La Ferriere, I persuaded my companion to bear me company on the -way to Jougne. - -Cipollina was the only Frenchman of my age whom I had met at the hotel. -He was a dark-haired youth, slight and elegant, with refined features, -but a crooked nose, a blemish which, according to Jeannine, gave him an -expression of incredible falseness. The ladies had not allowed him to -meddle with them at all; the cold manner in which they had acknowledged -his greetings sometimes made me ill at ease, as I was a friend of his. - -A friend! Well, hardly. But for Laquarriere I had no intimate friend, -and no wish for any; I made use of Cipollina to fill up the intervals -when convention forbade my intruding upon the Landrys. - -His society, moreover, was not devoid of interest. He had travelled so -much, rubbed up against so many people, seen so many things. Having -entered, at the age of fourteen, a big silk firm managed by one of -his uncles, whose counting houses were to be found all over the -world, he had been successively a sojourner in very varied latitudes, -from Colombo to Boston, from Rio Janeiro to Yokohama. An intelligent -observer, he owed to his wanderings and to his early contact with the -different races of merchants, a dry and caustic turn of mind not unakin -to my own. Thence sprang our speedy understanding, which resembled real -harmony, without either of us feeling much liking or esteem for the -other. As cynics we agreed in our scornful verdicts on others and on -ourselves. I must say that he did not flatter himself that he was in -any way an intellectual. Each time I sketched some generalisation, or -laid the foundations of a system, he escaped me, sneering: - -"Oh, that's literature." - -Then, irritated, I inwardly dubbed him a "counter-jumper." - -"Have you been to see the Landrys off?" he asked abruptly. - -"Yes." - -"Shall you see them again in Paris?" - -"Before that perhaps. They expect to come back here." - -"I thought you were going to leave?" - -"I don't know now. That will depend!" - -He gave a little laugh which annoyed me. - -"Oh, so things are getting on?" - -"What's getting on?" - -"Your schemes." - -"What schemes?" - -"To do with the girl of course." - -I did not deign to seem vexed, and put on a joking tone. - -"My dear fellow, after all I've said to you on that subject!" - -"It's possible to change one's mind." - -"No. It would never even enter my head to change my mind about that." - -I summed up, in a few words, one of my favourite theses: marriage in -our state of civilisation is an absurdity; it would be ridiculous to -chain oneself for the rest of one's life to a woman--and such a woman, -a girl, a creature still in germ, who had revealed nothing of her -secret. It would certainly need an artlessness to which I was no longer -susceptible, or a faculty for enthusiasm still more extinct in me. -Each time a friend told me of his happy engagement I gazed at him in -astonishment as at a being fallen from another planet. I concluded: - -"This little Landry girl is right enough to flirt with in the holidays! -She's not displeasing or stupid, but I beg you to believe that there is -nothing, and never will be anything between us...." - -Had I convinced him? He continued after a moment's silence. - -"They say ... she's well off!" - -"That doesn't tempt me either." - -He protested: - -"My dear chap, you're very much like the rest of the world!" - -I shrugged my shoulders and assured him that I was perfectly happy. - -"No ambitions?" - -"None." - -At his look of unbelief I set myself to sing the praises of the -dilettante's life I was leading. Some question he asked led me to go -into certain details to illustrate the way in which everything had -always gone well with me. - -I had not drifted for long when my legal studies were over. An old -family friend, the manager of the Abyssinian Railway Company, had asked -me to become his private secretary. I accepted the post. Another had -soon fallen vacant, that of General Secretary. Suggested as a stop-gap, -I had acquitted myself to everyone's satisfaction. I was good at -interviewing visitors, and wrote with a certain amount of style. My -appointment was confirmed. The business was a sound one, when the time -for exploitation came, it would be excellent. I had put some capital -into it. I had not much work, only four hours a day to put in. I earned -ample to live on. What more could I have wished for? - -Cipollina slyly urged me to enumerate what he called my positive joys. -I demurred, none too good-naturedly. - -"We have so few tastes in common." - -But, privately, I invoked my customary amusements: dinner in a -restaurant on the boulevards, where I used to meet Laquarriere: it -was there that we exchanged our stock of ill-natured sallies: then -there would be bridge, poker, or billiards: and often a theatre, -though it did not appeal to us much; from time to time a boxing match, -or on Sunday, in the Parc des Princes, a sensational football tie. -These last shows held the most interest for me. They reminded me of -the still recent time when I myself excelled in these games, and I -still continued, though somewhat irregularly, to frequent a school of -physical culture. - -I had scratched sentiment out of my life once and for all. Paris -offers an inexhaustible fund of sensual attractions to those possessed -of time and money. I had both, but I dreaded nothing so much as -being tied to one person, and as I also detested the flat period of -preliminary gallantries, I came to content myself with a wise and banal -voluptuousness. More restricted still was the balance-sheet of family -obligations and satisfactions. I would not have missed dining with my -father on Sunday evening. At long intervals I wrote a few lines on a -card to my married brother, an officer at St. Mihiel. - -I have spoken of my dilettantism: the word gratified my vanity and -was just, in the main, as certain artistic tendencies distinguished -me from the herd of vulgar pleasure-seekers. I read a great deal. I -bought novels and philosophies, and had a weakness for pretty editions. -I made a point of being well up in matters concerning painting and -music. I owned some admirable eighteenth-century prints, a small series -by Daumier, an oil-painting by Pissarro. I vaguely cherished the hope -of making a sort of collection of which my friends would one day be -jealous. That was all. I might ransack my mind indefinitely but I -should not find a possibility of joy beyond these few instances. - -Oh! this reckoning. I had made it so often, anxious to ascertain what -I loved, and what I was worth. I generally congratulated myself on -the fact that an equal balance was maintained between the desires and -pleasures. Why did everything taste so flat to-day, I thought. What -beauty is incarnate to me? What virtue worthy of existence? What was I -good for? Might I not have been eliminated without loss to others or -even to myself? - -This impression did not last long. I smiled. What was I worrying -about? To proclaim oneself happy was to be happy. I could do it. I -was never anything but an object of envy. A doubt crossed my mind, -however. Certain moralists, I thought, consider life bearable only -when supported by some passion. I only know of two: Love? With all her -train of folly and suffering. Her victims are spoken of more than all -else. Real good fortune to be emancipated from it. Ambition? Is not -this insatiable by its very nature? There are so few chief parts, and -all great destinies go hand-in-hand with an assurance which I lacked -... and then, did I not appreciate the highest pinnacle of fortune at -its paltry worth! Did not true wisdom lie in admitting that one is -nothing but a man lost in the mass of men, to order one's life so as to -glide in peace through this indifferent term, lacking a morrow; without -cherishing a thousand longings above one's state, or naively spurring -oneself to sterile enthusiasms? - -I pondered over these familiar reflections for my comfort. To my -surprise the shadow of melancholy which had hovered over my head did -not dissipate so easily. I had difficulty in picturing to myself -without bitterness and fatigue my life to come, similar to millions -of others, void of deep sorrows as of sublime joys, this dreary life -which in ten years or in forty would end in solitude, sickness, and -suffering, in the clutches of that cursed enemy, Boredom, whose first -treacherous onslaught I thought I could feel.... - -We had just crossed the frontier, and were skirting some meagre -plantations of firs hanging to the ridge. My companion had begun to -talk to me of Japan: he never allowed himself to be carried away by -his enthusiasm but he admired this warlike and trading nation, at last -recovered after the necessary trial, gifted with a colossal power of -expansion, and who, one of these days would take Indo-China from us at -a move. He added: - -"My dear fellow, the prestige of France in the Far East has declined -to such an extent that in order to do business we have to pose as an -English firm. Out there I called myself Smith." - -I noted this detail with interest as a sign of our decadence. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -BELLS - - -Now on our left at the bottom of the widened valley lay La Ferriere, -grouped coquettishly round the tall chimney of a factory, whence -escaped slowly-swelling volumes of smoke; the slender Jougninaz -meandered ribbon-like among the grasses, slipping towards the -neighbouring Orbe. On the side of the opposite slope, often lost to -view in the zone of bushes and brushwood, the railway and the winding -road, embracing each rocky contour, descended from the summit of the -Col. Up above, the huge grey wall of the Mont d'Or rose in a peak, -whose ridges stood out clearly against a pale blue sky, a scarcely -perceptible cross marked the crest of the mountain. In olden days -Mandrin and his bands used to come back into France by night by giddy -pathways along this rampart; any one who stumbled was fair game for the -wolves at the bottom. - -Midday had been roasting; but the height, and the approach of evening, -brought coolness; not a trace of mist on the mountain tops; everything -was quietness and purity. - -The road had just taken a turn. Jougne came into view, a vision which -always enchanted me: the houses in the village, brand new, dazzlingly -white, or a light vermilion, contrasted with the stalwart old grey -church overhanging a high fortress. One imagined that the place must -have been unparalleled in the command afforded over the only two big -valleys which for ten miles round cut through the rugged chain of the -Jura. - -Cipollina suddenly stood still and put his hand on my shoulder: - -"Just listen!" - -Straining my ears in the direction of the village, I listened intently. - -"Well! What's up?" I said. "The bells?" - -"Yes, the bells.... What are they ringing for there?" - -A gentle breeze had got up, and bore with it the call of the bronze; -it was a sinister throbbing, hurried and unequal; I had a feeling that -there was neither a peal of joy bells, nor the dismal tolling of the -knell. We went on for a few steps. Now, more powerful and sonorous, -with three jerky notes repeated at short intervals, the wild peal of -alarm filled all the valley. - -"The tocsin!" said Cipollina. - -"Well?" - -"When do they ring the tocsin?" - -"In case of fire, I suppose." - -"Do you see any trace of fire?" - -With the same circular glance, we took in our surroundings. - -Two miles of verdant valley, lay unfolded before us; not a puff of -smoke, save the column of the factory, and the steam from a descending -train. - -Cipollina muttered: - -"Don't they also sound the tocsin in case of ... mobilisation?" - -"Oh! Steady on!" - -"What do we know about it!" he exclaimed. - -There was a short silence, then I said: - -"We shall find out at Jougne. Are you coming?" - -"No, I'm going back." - -"Aren't you curious about it?" - -"I've no reason for going down there." - -I looked him in the face. He met my gaze quite comfortably; but the -twist in his nose struck me. - -"Well, then, till we meet again!" I said to him. - -"You'll come back to the hotel this evening?" - -"Why ... of course." - -"Yes, of course." - - * * * * * - -While hurrying towards Jougne, I tried to recall as much as I could -the events of the last few days. It was not much. A month ago, at the -beginning of my holidays, there had been the Grand Duke Ferdinand's -assassination; it seemed a tragic incident and nothing more. A famous -law-suit had diverted attention from it. Last Saturday, a sensational -coup; a startling awakening: Austria's ultimatum to Serbia couched in -terms very different from the usual courtesy shown in diplomatic notes. -Relaxation had come during the following days, at least as far as I -could see. The small State was giving in; councils of prudence from St. -Petersburg had, without doubt, been received at Belgrade; everything -seemed to be going to calm down; though the decision was to be referred -to the arbitration of the Great Powers. But since, since!... How stupid -it was that my papers should have failed me just these two days! -To-day's not arriving! In seventy-two hours the world moves! What had -Cipollina said? The whole of Europe in arms! A fact more novel than -alarming. I suddenly brought to mind certain articles with pessimistic -undercurrents. Certain coincidences occurred to me: the campaign for -armaments, that belonged to last week; like the socialistic call to -make a stand against war ... and the Government away! And England's -difficulties! Supposing that, having considered all this "_They_" had -judged the moment propitious? - -No. I smothered my agitation. We had come through so many of these -critical times: Algeciras, Agadir, Saverne, Luneville, Nancy.... The -little Landry girl was right, we should have no more war, it was too -terrible, too risky! - -The bells had stopped ringing their tumultuous peal, I attributed to -their silence the virtue of an appeasement. I even smiled. I mocked at -my fears. Oh, come now! The War, the Great War! Would it be likely to -break out in such a way! - -I had reached the bottom of the valley. On my way I leaned over the -Jougninaz, which had dwindled. It was the trout season! I would suggest -a little fishing to my cousin one of these days. - -I thoughtlessly began to climb the sudden rise of the mountain. When I -had reached the summit in a perspiration, I threw a friendly glance, -by way of greeting, at the Aiguillon de Baume, and on the right at -the bald summit of the Suchet, which we had reached the other night. -I stopped to breathe for a moment. I should have smoothed my hair, -and wiped the dust off my forehead if I had known I was to meet my -pretty cousin Germaine, at her people's house, but she had rejoined her -husband, a captain at Belfort, not long before. - -A few minutes later I passed through the railings. There was no one in -the shade of the elders. I crossed the courtyard, and began to climb -the stairs. - -My cousin's silhouette appeared on the landing above. - -"Who's there? Is it you, Michel?" - -"How are you?" I cried gaily. - -"Have you heard?" she called to me. - -"Heard what?" - -"War is declared." - -"No!" - -A mist enfolded me. I managed to get up to the top by holding on to the -banisters. On the landing I said mechanically: - -"What? what did you say?" - -She pushed me into the drawing-room. - -"Go in, go in. Your cousin will tell you all about it." - -Left alone for a minute I considered the well-known furniture in a -dazed way; the piano with the open score of Rigoletto, the arm-chairs -in loose covers, the two big couches, the two greenish screens ... I -sought a new aspect of it all; I childishly reminded myself that I must -remember that the things were in a like state when war was declared. - -My cousin, the doctor, a sturdy mountaineer, tall and highly coloured, -came in and quietly held out his hand to me. - -"Well, there we are!" he said. - -I got nothing but a few concise particulars out of him; ever since the -morning they had realised that things were going from bad to worse, -the "Pontissalien" usually so guarded ended its leading article by a -very clearly stated warning that we must be prepared for anything. Our -frontier had been violated, communications cut off. Our custom-house -officers at Petit-Croix had been shot at last night. Negotiations had -continued, however. As a matter of fact the official telegram, which -had arrived on the stroke of five o'clock contained only the seven -words: - - "Sunday. August 2nd. - First day of Mobilisation." - -"What do you say to going to the Town Hall?" suggested the doctor. - -I agreed, as meekly as one intoxicated. We went out. We had only a step -or two to go. - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -A MOUNTAIN VILLAGE, THE SAME EVENING - - -The telegram from the Prefecture was posted up at the door. It was -still daylight, I lingered to gaze at it. My cousin took me by the arm. - -"I say, come along in." - -There was no one there but Alfred Lecomte, the town clerk, a still -youthful peasant of a thoughtful cast of countenance, and in a corner, -the deputy mayor, an infirm old man who kept in the background. - -"Well, what the deuce are you doing, Alfred?" said the doctor. - -The other had got up, his pen behind his ear. - -"Good heavens, man!" continued my cousin, "can't you realise that -there's anything to be done?" - -"What should there be?" - -"What should there be? You must send word first to La Ferriere and -Tarins!" - -Lecomte tossed his head: "Send word! That would mean a nice lot of -running about! They've had the bells rung: it is up to the people to -come and find out what it is about." - -My cousin began to get angry: - -"You idiot, Alfred. How do you imagine they'll suspect anything of the -kind! You must send Machurot to them." - -He was the local policeman. - -"He'll be having a drink." - -"At Tronquiere's?" - -"Probably." - -A boy, who stuck his nose in, was sent to look for him. My cousin -undertook to draw up the proclamation destined for the neighbouring -populace. - -He dashed it down without any scratchings out, and gave it to me to run -through. - -"Excellent!" I exclaimed. - -Somewhat pretentious, it had a great effect on Alfred and the old -deputy. The boy brought Machurot back, and it was put into his hands. - -The old dog was as drunk as a pig, but he declaimed it, all the same, -head-in-air, scanning all the syllables but breathing out of time. They -traced a detailed route on the paper, for him, and let him loose in the -growing dusk. - -The news had spread. Peasants began to come for information on their -way home from the fields. They arrived with lagging footsteps. - -"It's true we're going to fight?" - -"Rather!" - -Alfred took them to see the telegram, lit up now by a lantern. - -"Just look at that and see if it's nonsense!" - -"When do we leave?" - -"That depends. You've only got to look at your record book." - -Those who had gone on to get it at home, pulled it out, opened it, and -consulted the number. - -"The third day," they read; or "the second"; territorials, "the -eleventh." - -"You'll get there too late, old chap!" - -The upshot was that each one seemed overjoyed or heart-broken, -according to whether he would have time to get his hay in or not. - -Very few remarks; and anyhow not a single grumble. My cousin, who -forced himself to keep up his cheery tone, met with no echo. He could -only drag a few disconnected sentences out of the broken-down old -deputy. - -The visitors did not linger, but soon turned on their heels, their -wooden pipes in their mouths. - -Lecomte bustled and fussed, full of the importance of his part. As -for me I took part in it all as the stranger I was, and incapable of -realising the tragic element afloat in the air. - -When the doctor wanted to go in, I urged him to take a turn with me -through the village streets. I expected at last to come upon some -unexpected, and unusual demonstration ... the evening of mobilisation! -The great evening, by Jove! I was disillusioned, we met no one in the -poorly lit streets. In the little schoolyard the teacher's son was -making figures of eight on his bicycle; further on through an open -window, we saw a lot of farm hands sitting round a table, limp and -taciturn, gorging themselves with soup. And the usual frequenters of -Tronquiere's "pub" were sipping their _verre de verte_ in silence. - -My cousin did not rise much in answer to my short sentences. However, -when I asked him: - -"Are they patriotic about here?" - -"Very," he assured me. "You'll soon see!" - -I objected diffidently. - -"At first sight...." - -"Well?" - -"There's rather a lack of enthusiasm." - -"Enthusiasm? It was not wanting in the year '70! They didn't know then -what a real war was. They've learnt. In '71 in January, we saw what was -left of Bourbaki's army pass by, dying of hunger and cold in the snow. -We know what beaten men are, and that we must not be of their number. -They aren't going out of light-heartedness, but they'll go on till -death!" - - * * * * * - -My place was laid. We dined. The doctor was grave and silent, and I -feeble and dull. My cousin was the only one to talk, and she overflowed -with lukewarm lamentations. What bad-luck that Genevieve should have -gone back to Belfort just a week before. Would she be able to come back? - -I reassured her by saying that women and children would certainly be -ejected. But her son-in-law, the Captain? His fate did not seem to -worry her much. I remarked that he was in the first line, much exposed. - -"Of course!" she sighed. "Hadn't I told them often enough to try not to -stay in the East!" - -The doctor interposed, declaring that it was the most honourable -position for a soldier. Julien would most certainly not complain! - -He added, turning to me: - -"Your brother runs an even greater risk!" - -My brother Victor! I felt rather ashamed of not having thought of -him! A lieutenant in the infantry at St. Mihiel, ten miles from the -frontier. Hadn't I heard that he could be mobilised in three quarters -of an hour? This detail which I put before them, drew forth shrieks -from my cousin. I tried to picture Victor as parted from his wife -and his little children, perhaps since this afternoon, perhaps for -the last few days, to go towards the dark unknown.... Seated at this -table, in front of an appetising dish of morels, I had difficulty in -convincing myself of the grim reality. - -In order to rouse myself, I declared: - -"In three days, it will be my turn." - -"To do what?" asked my cousin. - -"Rejoin my regiment, of course!" - -"What! Are you going too?" - -She had a dazed look. The doctor shrugged his shoulders. - -"Of course he's going! At the age of twenty-seven! My dear Mathilde, -you don't seem to have any idea...." - -She acknowledged frankly that she did indeed understand nothing.... -But when I had told her again that in three days' time I was going to -report myself at F----, whence I should be sent to fight, she seemed -thunder-struck, poor soul! I should never have suspected her of being -so fond of me; she had known me ever since I was quite tiny, and I -was the son of her poor lost Blanche, one of her own people, a blood -relation, and dearer to her than her son-in-law, I could see ... she -began to bewail herself, cursing the relentless fate against our -family. The doctor had to cut it short, a little sharply: - -"Look here, don't discourage the boy!" - -I was not displeased when she stopped talking; too much attention -always worried me; moreover it occurred to me--a false, but unpleasant -impression--that I was making an unfair appeal to her compassion. - -During dessert, while my uncle was uncorking a bottle of wine, I -studied the railway-guide. The 6:50 train ought to get me to Paris at -four o'clock, but the time-tables would probably all be upset. It -would be wiser to be at the station from six o'clock onwards, and to -wait. - -My cousin sympathised: - -"You'll have to be up very early." - -We drank to the health of our relations with much feeling; examining -myself stealthily in a looking-glass, I decided--I was a little -heated--that I already had a martial air about me. - -"Are you a corporal, anyhow?" the doctor asked me. - -"Sergeant." - -Half-past eight struck, I got up. - -"Oh! how I should like to pack for you!" said my cousin. - -We embraced. They entrusted me with many friendly messages for my -father, whom they had not seen for ten years, and went with me as far -as the railings, where the last farewells were said. - -As I went away, I heard the doctor murmur: - -"The beginning of the bad times." - -And my cousin: - -"Poor boy!" - -These words bore me company. I thought involuntarily that in this -separation from people who loved me, and perhaps the only ones who -loved me, there must be something deep and heart-rending, of which I -was still unconscious, but which one day would fill me with emotion. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A MEDITATION AT THE WINDOW - - -I clambered down the side of the mountain, and then walked quickly -along the road to Ballaigues. The night was serene. A dog was howling -in the valley, a harsh bark which sufficed to hold my attention. - -It was only when I had got back on to Swiss territory that I thought of -the risk I had run of being arrested as a deserter. - -I had cut through the woods. Dead branches cracked under my feet. I -crushed a glow worm. At last I made out the hotel lights. My heart -bounded when I reached it, I don't know what I expected. - -There was nobody in the corner of the terrace where we generally -gossiped, the Landrys and I. I bowed to the old Portuguese ladies -who were enjoying the evening air. From the hall I saw the English -installed phlegmatically at their poker table in the smoking-room. A -solemn and inscrutable waiter passed me, carrying a tea tray. Nothing -abnormal struck me. I wondered whether they knew. - -I went down on to the terrace again. A silhouette rose from the -shadows. By the light of his cigar, I recognised Cipollina. - -"Well!" he called to me, "what do you say to that?" - -"I can't believe it yet!" - -In so saying I ingeniously betrayed my dominant feeling. - -He offered me a cigarette, and said quickly: - -"Shall we take a turn?" - -I was going to agree to doing so when I suddenly thought of my -preparations; and I was seized with the vain idea of guarding against -future fatigue. - -"Thanks," I said, "I've got my packing to do. What about you?" - -I understood him to say he had finished. I continued: - -"Are you going by my train?" - -"What train?" - -"The 6:50, if it still exists. The Paris Express." - -He was silent. - -"Are you going to rejoin soon?" - -He shook his head abruptly and exclaimed: - -"Not I!" - -I looked at him; I understood. He went on in an aggressive tone: - -"You won't catch me going to be knocked on the head, when I've the luck -to be out of it! And you, are you itching for it, Dreher?" - -"Yes, I'm going back," I said. - -"Well, well! And I thought you so emancipated!" He went on ironically. -He only had one skin, and he meant to stick to it; he hadn't the -slightest desire to fight for Serbia, as I was saying just now.... -No, it was astounding! A nice mess our diplomatists must have made of -it!... All the more so since, as we suspected nothing, we naturally -were not ready! And so it meant catastrophe!... We were going to get a -licking! - -He ended by taking me by the arm: - -"Come along and have a smoke and then we can chat." - -"No," I said decidedly. "I'm going up again." - -"In that case, my dear fellow, good-bye." - -"_Au revoir._" - -"Oh! there's not much chance of our ever meeting again!" - -Was it the effect of these banal remarks? Hardly had I regained my room -and gone to lean my elbows on the rail of the balcony than I felt as if -crushed by the revelation I had witnessed during the last three hours. - -A formidable adventure was in the making and my part as a finite being -was to consider it as a spectator. The things I was saying just now, -without attaching any definite meaning to them appeared to me clothed -suddenly in their imperious significance: Yes, in three days I should -be at F----, in four my rifle and my outfit would have been handed over -to me, shortly afterwards I should be entrained.... Here the vision -lost its clearness; only a few concise pictures rose from a sombre -haze: marches and counter marches, the bleeding feet, the exhaustion, -the cold, the filthy promiscuousness, nothing to eat; and then one -day the battle; not an entertaining engagement like those during -manoeuvres, interrupted towards 11 A.M. by the bugle call, but the -grim struggle, glued to the ground advancing foot by foot, day after -day and night after night, against an invisible opponent, desperate, -superior in discipline and in numbers, armed with frightful machines -... the whistle of the bullet, the explosion of the shells ...! And one -morning, in some hole or corner, an obscure and crushing death. - -Presentiments were unknown to me: I suddenly believed in them. I saw -myself killed, it was all over and done with my career as a man, this -life I had been pleased to order so ingenuously. The horror of the -annihilation so near at hand suffocated me. - -I breathed the scented night air like a drowning man. At my feet was -the dark terrace, a servant had just cut off the electricity. I heard -the gravel crunching beneath a footstep. A shadow ascended the steps. -It must be Cipollina. - -His words echoed in my ears, his "Not much!" I was suddenly seized with -fury against him--the coward!--a fury which was almost immediately -turned against myself. Was it not his conduct that was logical. He -refused to sacrifice himself. He coldly applied his Doctrine, our -Doctrine, of calm selfishness. I fumed to see this shopkeeper, this -table d'hote philosopher, superior in practical wisdom to myself, when -I had ruminated my system for so long, and looked at it from every -point of view. - -Why did I not imitate him? I upbraided myself harshly on my lack of -rational courage. For since I was the enemy of sentimental chimeras!... -What could I believe in? Nothing, nothing! Duty, Honour, the Ideal? -They were so many hollow sounds to me. Patriotism? No word was more -foreign to me. I too was a Citizen of the World! The chauvinism of -my father, a native of Lorraine, and an old soldier, seemed to me -out-of-date, an ill-omened and ridiculous passion; in that, as in -everything else, I was so little his son. As far back as I could -remember, I had never espoused his craze for war and revenge. In -former days when we used to spend our holidays at Ebermenil, some -miles from the frontier, nothing irritated me so much when quite a -child, as to feel how immovable the people were in their wild enmity -against their neighbour. They never opened their mouths without making -insolent or dangerous remarks; they never dreamt, it appeared, except -of bringing back a cursed year. Why this rancour? As if it ought not to -have satisfied them to continue to be Frenchmen themselves? What did -it matter to them that their brothers from the neighbouring villages -should have changed their name. Were the former more unhappy than the -latter? My handbooks of history were full of exchanges of this kind, -carried out without any one rebelling against them. - -Grown older, I had only strengthened, by reasoning, my instinctive -indifference in regard to the fate of the Lost Provinces. I had -gone one better; what a high doctrine, I thought, was that of -Internationalism! And convenient, too. I should have declared myself -its adherent quite openly, but for my systematic slackness, my fear -of committing myself. The result was that I took an interest in those -theories which denied that there was any meaning in the term Fatherland. - -I happened to find in them the subject for some daring developments, -with which during even the last few days, I had taken a delight in -upsetting Jeannine Landry's convictions. - -Germany, especially, inspired me with no enmity; on the contrary, I had -a weakness for the genius of her philosophers and musicians. Two years -ago I had travelled in the country, and had stayed at Iena for three -weeks with one of my friends, a lecturer at the university. We had -wandered together in the Thuringian forests, and slept, rolled in our -cloaks, at the top of the Schnee-Kopf. How could one fail to be won -over by those glorious surroundings. As for the men over there ... I -had pleasant recollections of a few merry shooting friends, one named -Kroemer among others. If they had not appealed to me as a whole, did -any one by any chance imagine that I cherished the slightest sympathy -for the millions of beings--ugly, vain, and unintelligent--who made -up the great majority of the nation which was mine by birth. In Paris -it was true that, within a restricted circle, I experienced certain -satisfactions which I should hardly have relished anywhere else. But, -when finally analysed, even these delights did not amount to very much! -They comprised the one real benefit which I owed to my position as a -Frenchman. In order to assure the continuation of this advantage--and -what, after all, did it amount to--it was agreed that I should -sacrifice my one irretrievable treasure, my life. - -You can see with what a decision I seemed to be faced, but oddly enough -my revolt continued to be purely theoretical and abstract. Not for -an instant did it seem to me possible or within my power to take the -line simply of ignoring the fact that my country was mobilising. I saw -myself as the conscious victim of a superior fatality; I knew that I -should take the 6:50 train next day, that I should be at the Chanzy -barracks before ten o'clock on Tuesday! - -But that did not prevent me from cursing at fate. Tired of grumbling -at myself, I consigned to perdition the instigators of the war. Spite -blinded me; I kept on revolving most bitter, and I must admit, most -unjust reflections. Yes, as Cipollina had said; what an accumulation -of mistakes! For a long while back. It was all very well to say that -Germany wanted war; was preparing for it! During the last few years -perhaps. But had there not been a time when she had made advances to -us? We had always refused to make friends, and had kept our eyes fixed -stolidly on the Frankfort Treaty in which we pretended to see the one -and only source of all our ills. - -Our policy, of late, had become more captious. There had been a series -of clumsy manifestos, an awakening, which one could not shut one's eyes -to, of the old swashbuckling, nationalistic, and chauvinistic spirit. -What countless occurrences, speeches, and articles had gone towards -the making of a dangerous state of exaltation. Anything rather than a -humiliating peace! Anything? That meant war. Oh well, they'd got it. -They'd soon see! - -What exasperated me more than anything was to think of all those who -had done or allowed everything to be done, the ministers, ambassadors, -and delegates who in history would bear a part, however insignificant, -in the terrible responsibility. They were all, or nearly all, over the -age limit; they need have no fear for their skins; it was the others, -me and men of my generation, the youth between twenty and thirty years -of age, whom, with high-flown words and light hearts, they would send -to the slaughter! - - * * * * * - -But it was necessary to pack. I fulfilled this task with such -mechanical precision that it calmed me. When I had finished I went out -on to the balcony again in my shirt sleeves. - -A crescent moon had just risen. A green mountain-side opposite me, -at the other side of the cutting which terminated, I imagined, in -the ravaged gorges of the Orbe, was bathed in her light. Vaguely -phosphorescent fields lay soaked in a milky whiteness. Spreading brown -forests quivered softly. Half-way up fires were shining, the factory -and station at Brassus. I admired the bold sweep and the contour of -the Dent de Vaulion on the right. Farther on in the distance a series -of mountain ridges, forming a circle, were indicated, bluish and pale -beneath the halo. - -My brow was cooling again. In the contemplation of this veiled and -unreal scene my thoughts insensibly freed themselves of sinister -obsessions. - -What made me call to mind a very insignificant incident in this day -fertile in shocks, that moment on the road when I had passed in review -the joys for which I lived? The obscure feeling of distress which had -made me stop talking recaptured me. I again experienced the sensation -that everything was dismal, but at the same time was there not -something which might be called an unexpected hope rising within me? -What hope? I caught it, and questioned it. Was it not of new days when -I should perhaps shake myself free of the torpor where I languished? - -Halloa! I jeered. Was I too lending a hand in the resurrection of the -warlike instinct legitimate in the son of the soldier who was in the -charge at Rezonville, in the grandson of the man who had commanded a -regiment at Magenta? No, no: I acquitted myself of that; such wild -intoxication was quite alien to me. The most I might admit was that my -eyes were fixed on the future with a greater interest, that curiosity -made my resignation easier. - -I let my imagination run away with me. Turning successively towards the -two horizons, I imagined I saw, beyond the mountains, the vastness of -the two hostile territories where since to-night so many forces were -being lavished in the elaboration of the battles where they would -devour each other to-morrow; a gigantic sheaf of hatred and lust, but -also of devotion and heroism which had just burst into flame! - -Midnight struck. My exaltation dwindled; at all events, I was not -sorry, I thought, to have been equal to the emergency if only for a -moment. - -I went down to give the hall-porter orders to wake me at five o'clock, -he was to have my bill ready, and I should expect a cab to be there for -my luggage. In crossing the lounge I came upon the three Englishmen who -were leaving the card-room. We had never exchanged a word, or a nod; I -thought them ignorant of our language. I was going straight past them, -when the one who was walking in front, a big, fair man, who looked an -athlete in his smoking-jacket, stopped right in front of me. - -"Good luck to your country, sir," he said. - -"Thank you." - -I mechanically held out my hand, which he shook hard. - -His two companions did likewise. - -I went upstairs again, feeling rather touched. Up there my scepticism -got the upper hand again. I thought. - -Will they stick to us, I wonder. - -An amusing idea occurred to me, of sending a post-card to the little -Landry girl to tell her of the incident. I took up a pen, but while -doing so it struck me that the girl would not see anything very funny -about it. Sentimentalise ... no thanks! I scrawled a few lines for her -without mentioning the occurrence. - - - - -_BOOK II_ - -_August 2nd-3rd_ - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -I GO BACK BY TRAIN - - -It is easy to imagine the influx of Frenchmen, hurrying in from -ten miles round, at Vallorbes station that morning, the second of -August; the procession of omnibuses, the piles of trunks, the pack of -distracted families overrunning the waiting-rooms, crowding round the -ticket offices, demanding directions and details which no one could -possibly have given them. - -The express, which turned up at the usual time, was taken by storm. -When would it get to Paris? They would guarantee nothing as to that. - -I had the luck to find myself a place as eighth in a second-class -carriage. Opposite me two old maids never stopped talking, in a -whisper, probably about everything on earth but the news of the day. A -_bourgeois_ couple with a crew of sulky children argued for hours about -opening the windows. - -There was a minute inspection of the baggage at the Pontarlier -custom-house. Nothing occurred. We got back into the train. The speed -was fast until Dole; there we slowed down noticeably. - -There was a long stop at Dijon. The station already seemed to be under -military occupation. Very few civilians on the platforms, but behind -the gates, the murmur of a crowd come for news, kept back by sentries -with fixed bayonets. - -The news-seller, despoiled of her wares, was hawking round nothing but -some illustrated comic and sporting papers; I bought two or three from -her, but did not read them. - -We left Dijon towards eleven o'clock. From there onwards, mad rushes, -sudden stoppages, and breathless progress, alternated. - -Laroche at last. - -There, the Paris papers had just arrived. We threw ourselves upon them. -I managed to get one. I was surrounded at once. People squashed up -against me to get at least a glimpse of the stop-press and headlines. -I was not very accommodating about exhibiting my paper, and I soon -succeeded in shaking them off, and getting back to my carriage. - -The train started off again. - -Standing up in the corridor, I admit that I read and re-read the -leading article without skipping a single line. - -I expected a good leader and was not disappointed. I relished the -indispensable paragraph on the past and future of France, on the sacred -union in face of the enemy. - -My neighbour nudged me with his elbow. - -"Oh! Isn't it just what everyone is thinking?" - -"Yes, yes." - -Exact information was what I really thirsted for. I remember two -headlines: "_To-morrow?_" and "_A Day at the Quai d'Orsay_." In a -prominent position the President's Proclamation. The article was a -success: the obvious thing to say. "Mobilisation is not war." But -there was no mistaking it; the spark had caught, the fire was already -crackling. - -I learnt the news of the preceding days, including the assassination of -Jaures, merely from allusions--to me they were so many claps of thunder! - -One main point stood out: Germany's declaration of war on Russia. Like -a shot France was dragged in, automatically. A well-laid scheme on -the part of the Wilhelmstrasse. The odious article from the _Cologne -Gazette_ which was reproduced everywhere had been a final eye-opener. - -One amusing detail: Herve asking to be allowed to go! Another rather -shocked me: Telegrams from various places on "the Enthusiasm in the -Provinces...." I had just come from the provinces! - -I had finished reading. It was evident that my neighbour was dying -to talk. Feeling charitably disposed I gave him an opening. In five -minutes I had learnt all there was to know about his antecedents, his -family, and his profession. He had passed his legal examinations, -taking the degree of licentiate, and was the son of a lawyer. He was -coming back from Autun, the home of his maternal grandfather. What -times we were living through, sir! The day before when the official -telegram had arrived, ah, what enthusiasm there had been; I ought to -have seen the factory hands rushing out shouting: "To the front!" - -"You saw them then?" - -"Oh no, I didn't!" - -He had read this description in the _Memorial d'Autun_. - -He asked me childish questions about our chances, and the schemes at -headquarters. - -I sententiously put forward the idea of an offensive in Alsace. He -jumped at it. - -"To take the offensive. Yes, yes. That was the only thing to be done." - -He had not many brains. It did not take him three minutes to regain the -Lost Provinces. - -He confided in me that he too was a non-commissioned officer in the -reserves, attached to the 74th Rouens. He was to rejoin the next -day. He asked my name, and gave me his address. He offered me his -friendship as a brother-in-arms. I was tempted to be touched by the -thought that here was one of the young men of my own age, who would -fight, and perhaps fall, at my side on the plains of Lorraine. But my -scepticism and coldness offered too strong a resistance, and when I -heard him exclaim: "If we've got to be killed, we've got to be, and -that's all about it!" my indignation was aroused. Sincere! He was -sincere enough; a puppet who came near to being a hero! There were such -beings, incapable of reasoning for themselves, always ready to set out -to fight for never mind which side. Yesterday for the Church. To-day -for the State. To-morrow for some social chimera. If it had only been -themselves they disposed of!... But they were in the majority, it was -they who oppressed us. - -Much irritated, I wickedly said to myself: "Let him sell his life -cheaply! It certainly isn't worth much!" - -I escaped from him and gained a distant door, whither he did not follow -me. - -Our journey was drawing to an end. The train had put on speed. With -shrieks of pride and whirling smoke and sparks, our powerful engine -dragged us towards the City, the huge magnet which, at this time was -rallying so many friendly forces. The intoxication of this attraction -made itself felt twenty kilometres away. The six-fold rails gleamed in -the sun on the sand embankments. We thundered along, without slackening -our speed, through the suburb stations, whose names were slurred by our -haste. Crowds of people huddled together on the platforms, gazed at us -in respectful silence. Maisons-Alfort, Charenton. We went ahead of ten -trains which were crawling along the side lines, and speeding up their -connecting-rods in vain. Smoke darkened the air. We passed by high -houses, grimy with soot, whose windows, where the washing was put out -to dry overhung our cutting. Then came the metallic crash of the double -bridge flung across the rivers where they join,--the moat outside the -walls--Paris! We were in Paris! - -I was thrilled with excitement. Capital of the civilised world, head -of a great nation at war! From here had leaped out the old call -to arms! Leaning out, I tried to distinguish beyond the line of -railway-carriages, sidings and signal-boxes, in the streets skirting -the line, in the avenues we crossed on heavy iron bridges, the -residents, and passers-by, all those who had just lived through such -rousing hours here. - -I was impatient to mingle with them. - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -PARIS, AT FIRST SIGHT - - -Rue d'Assas. My _concierge_ came out when she heard the taxi draw up. - -"We were expecting you, Mr. Dreher; I was sayin' as much to my 'usband, -only a minute ago." - -The man himself appeared. In his capacity as handyman he hoisted my -heavy trunk on to his shoulder, as if it were a plaything. - -"And when may you be going, Mr. Dreher?" - -"The day after to-morrow, and what about you?" - -"A week on Wednesday." - -"So there we are!" I said. - -"There we are! as you say, sir. It was bound to finish like this." - -My char-woman had had the happy inspiration of coming to do some -cleaning that morning, so I found my flat in order and well aired. -Having made a hasty toilet, I thought of various important errands. - -I had kept my taxi, luckily for me as the motor-omnibuses were no -longer running. - -It was five o'clock. I went to the Rue des Beaux-Arts first. My father -was not at home, so I left word with the old parlour-maid that I would -be there for dinner that evening. - -Many wants led me to a big shop. Nothing safer I thought than to buy -one's outfit oneself. I was lucky enough to find what I wanted quickly, -even in the boot line, where a crowd of people were being fitted. - -Having finished my shopping, I called to my chauffeur: - -"Rue du Helder!" - -At the head office of the "Abyssinian Railway Company" my director -welcomed me with open arms: - -"My dear fellow! You're going? Oh, I thought as much! Rather rough on -us! Duroty is going too. The best men, of course! I wonder whether we -shan't have to shut up shop." - -"And out there? How's the work getting on there?" - -"Oh, well ... it's just got to go on. The workmen are natives. The -engineers are the trouble.... Of course I ought to have had more sense -and taken Englishmen!" - -I went straight from there to the bank. It was shut. They were not -seeing any one. Luckily Forgues, my stockbroker, hooked me as I was -parleying in the waiting-room, and made me come in. - -He seemed to have collapsed completely; there must be bad news, I could -drag nothing out of him, as he sat there in his moleskin arm-chair, -but vague allusions, and an estimate, which was by the way entirely -incorrect, of the financial resources of the two parties concerned. -Germany had no reserve of gold. If we could hold out for two or three -months! - -"Are you going to fight?" I asked. - -"Oh, no, no! Since the Agadir business, you know, ... my wife's one -idea has been to get me put on half-pay. I thought it awful rot, but as -my heart is a bit weak ... my doctor has given me a certificate; I've -been to see a surgeon-major; no difficulties were made about it.... -And by Jove it's lucky for me now!... And what about you? You're not -going, I suppose." - -"I beg your pardon!" - -He seemed surprised. He had just seen several of his clients--Well, I -was the first.... - -Feeling irritated, I cut him short with: "Can you let me have a certain -sum on account?" - -"Oh, but there's the moratorium...." - -Somewhat embarrassed, he entered into explanations which I listened to -with raised eyebrows: - -"To an old client like myself!" - -After renewed hesitation, he made up his mind: "Well, let's see, would -you need a large sum?" - -"No, let's say forty pounds." - -"Not more than that?" - -"A little gold, if possible." - -I had had time, in two hours, to notice how scarce the yellow metal was. - -Forgues raised his hands: That was impossible, quite impossible! I -wouldn't get it anywhere! Nobody would part with it! - -I persisted. He was a good sort at the bottom! Was it my (unique!!!) -position as a man about to be mobilised, which melted him? He ended by -handing over fifteen louis to me. - -I thanked him warmly and we shook hands. - -"And mind you don't get killed!" - -He spoke of it lightly. My gratitude ceased promptly. - -I suddenly bore him a desperate grudge for having coolly evaded the -great blood tax. - -I put in an hour, dawdling about. I bought an evening paper. There -was nothing startling in it unless it was M. de Schoen's last visit -to the Quai d'Orsay, but not even the most inveterate optimists could -any longer suggest that there was the faintest glimmer of hope. One -article signed "A Military Attache" interested me. It was a study -on the probable forced attack, dear to the German heart, through -Belgium, towards the source of the Oise. It explained how the enemy, if -successful in getting so far, would be only ten days' march from Paris. - -I walked on absent-mindedly, crumpling the paper in my hand. Ten days' -march. It looked rather as if they were preparing the public for -what was to come! We had so little protection, it was true, against -the danger which threatened to swoop down upon us from the North. -Was the City destined, a few weeks hence, to undergo the horrors and -humiliation of a new siege? How quickly my mind was overwhelmed by -baleful visions born of the Fatal Year. - -I pulled myself up. Steady on! We were only just beginning. - -Never mind! The resemblance between yesterday and to-day obtruded -itself upon my mind. A comparison which ought to have been all in -favour of the present. There had been no lack of speeches and articles -extolling the revival of our energies for some years past. Was it -real or imaginary? What an opportunity it was to audit that? Not in -connection with myself. I deliberately set myself aside. But in the -great bulk of people; it was on them that our fate hung. - -Well, I was only partially reassured on this point. - -I think I should have preferred to see a tide of humanity sweeping -along the avenues as in July of the year '70; to a rasping -accompaniment of "Berlin!! To Berlin!" - -Cheek, of course, but heroic cheek, and proof of the warmness of their -hearts. - -While to-day! People were wandering about, plenty of them, it's true, -standing in front of the posters, theatres, and picture palaces, -thronging the open-air cafes, but you might have thought they had come -out on this summer evening solely for the sake of enjoying a breath -of the mild air. They talked quietly among themselves as they walked -up and down, or read the papers with an air of distrustful wisdom, -perfectly well aware that they were not being told everything. One -might have imagined oneself back in the days of the floods of 1910, -when the Parisian public would learn with apparent indifference that -such and such a quarter of their city was threatened with extinction. - -An irritating attitude in a crowd, at a time when--now or never--it -should have been moved, uplifted, carried away by great inspirations. -Who would believe that I asked myself in all seriousness if France must -be despaired of, if our country had not come to such a pass that there -was nothing to be done but to strike her off the map of Europe, the -victim as Hellas was of yore, of her excess of philosophy...? This idea -was distasteful to me.... But still! If there was nothing to be done -but to resign ourselves! We should go and start life again elsewhere, -in some free country like America.... Those who got out alive! I still -hoped to be among them. - -The thought also crossed my mind that we were taking part in a renewal -of the hardy and unassuming, the gay and tranquil qualities, which -were the attributes of our race.... We had not always been the most -highly-strung people of the world; during the forty years of peace we -had recaptured our gifts; peace-lovers by nature and only entering the -lists under provocation, and in our own defence, perhaps we were to -astonish the universe anew by our valiance. - -Why not? The hypothesis appealed to my sense of vanity. Oh well, we -should see, we should see! - -Should I have retained any misgivings if my walk had led me to the -outskirts of the Gare de L'Est, where the people of Paris were -beginning to set such a sublime example of steadfastness, and dignity? - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -MY FATHER - - -Seven o'clock struck. I did not forget that I was dining in the Rue des -Beaux-Arts, and hurried towards the left bank of the river. On the way -I wondered what had dictated this visit? Was it filial affection? Not -at all. I was simply acting in accordance with a banal convention. - -My father had never taken any interest in me, even when quite tiny. As -my health, which was poor at that time, had prevented his thinking me -fit to be made into a soldier, I had been practically non-existent in -his eyes. Victor, my elder by two years, was everything to him. He had -him educated at La Fleche, though it cost him a lot, in order to steep -him, from his childhood, in military ideal and discipline. - -It is the dream of all fathers to be continued in their sons. Colonel -Dreher only wished to live over again in the hope of Revenge. I have -already said that he fought like a demon in the year '70. When a young -subaltern in the Guards, he had been in the charge at St. Privat, had -had his horse killed under him, and had got a bullet through his arm. -Captured at Metz, and taken on into Westphalia, he had found a way of -escaping, of reaching Holland, and of rallying Faidherbe's army in -time to get a splinter of shell in his thigh at Bapaume. The news -of the armistice had found him in hospital, that of the treaty had -disgusted him. He who burned to go on fighting, who felt no fatigue! -The renunciation of the two Provinces had been a bitter blow, and the -counter-blows more bitter still. - -As a Lorrain of Luneville, he had quite a number of near relations in -the neighbourhood of Sarrebourg, many of whom had not the courage to -ruin themselves by throwing their lot in with their true fatherland. -These people were dead for him, needless to say. But these repeated -misfortunes had done not a little to contribute to the growing gloom -of his character. He had rejoined his regiment and had been quartered -successively at Joigny, Moulins, and Rouen where he had married, and -lastly at Tours, where most of my childhood was spent. Decorated -for distinguished service in the field, a superb leader of men, he -would have been made a general but for his obstinate, though discreet -opposition to a government timorous enough to put up with such peace -terms. - -My mother, the one person I might really have loved, had died just as -I attained my fourteenth birthday. I had finished growing up under the -paternal tutelage. For a long time I succeeded in persuading myself -that the Colonel felt heaven knows what secret fondness for me. Then -with the audacity of youth, intoxicated by the first lucid glance I had -cast on life, I admitted to myself that I had been duped. I was of very -little account in this old man's eyes. Let him content himself with my -deference, as I did with his correction! - -There was no intimacy between us. As I grew up, our relations came to -be stamped with rather a cold courtesy, like that between strangers -thrown together by chance, for the space of a voyage. My father never -asked me about my ambitions, once only about my immediate prospects; it -was after I had taken my second degree. He neither approved nor found -fault with my intentions. - -Having been placed on the retired list just at this point he came to -live in Paris. I never knew if it was to facilitate my studies. - -Three years went by, then my year of military service. On leaving the -regiment I felt the need of a separate establishment. No objections -were raised. My share of my mother's fortune already enabled me to -support myself, and my post in the Abyssinian Railway Company soon -brought me affluence. I dined with my father every Sunday, as I said -before. We exchanged opinions on the events of the week, without in any -way committing ourselves. He gave me news of Victor's household. - -On leaving St. Cyr, my brother, having chosen to go into the Colonial -infantry, had been sent to Rochefort to await his commission; and then -he went and fell in love with a girl he met at the "Cercle Militaire" -ball. At the request of her family, he had obtained leave to exchange -into the home forces. He had got married. My father had not blamed him -in the least for giving up a life of warlike adventure. - -Full of his one idea, the old soldier preferred to see his son on the -frontier ready for the day, which he always hoped was close at hand, -when war would break out. - -My brother! To think that when we were brought up together, before he -left for La Fleche, we were fond of each other!... Little by little -had come detachment and loss of affection.... To-day we were strangers -to each other. Our intercourse was confined to the exchange of a few -post cards at New Year and Easter. My sister-in-law, Genevieve, a -pleasant, insignificant little creature, had been friendly to me at -the beginning; I had spent three days with them at St. Mihiel not long -ago, at her request. I was bored to tears. In future it would be quite -enough for me to see them during the short stays they made in the Rue -des Beaux-Arts, twice a year. I went when invited. My father seemed to -have grown young again. He cheered up and chatted, and played with his -grandchildren whom he was mad about. He adored his daughter-in-law too, -and paid her endless little attentions. It caused me no embarrassment -or jealousy to be present during these effusions. - - * * * * * - -My father got up from his chair and came to meet me. He was drawn up to -his full height. His face beamed as I had expected. - -"You're pleased?" I said. - -"Yes. Oh, yes. I had given up all hope of seeing this!" - -The soup was brought in. I urged him to talk. He did not wait to be -asked twice. He had a good word for several of our politicians--an -astounding thing for him!--for the abettors of the "_loi de 3 ans_," -for the President of the Republic, for the President of the Council. -This mobilisation order was a good answer to the German measures! Tit -for tat! The rogues, we had our eye on them! Hour by hour we knew all -they were plotting and planning!... My father declared that he had gone -over completely to the Government. At such a time all differences must -be sunk. It struck me that he had gleaned these doctrines from his -newspaper. I admired the eternal authority of commonplaces. I suddenly -saw him searching his pockets. He had received a letter from St. Mihiel -this morning, as on every morning since the outbreak of the crisis. He -handed it to me. - -"It's from Genevieve." - -"Has Victor gone?" - -"He went four days ago." - -Mobilisation had not been expected over there. It was on Thursday, -the 30th, in the middle of the night that Genevieve, standing at her -window, her head framed by those of her two little children, had seen -her husband march away proudly, with raised sword, at the head of -his company. This vision intoxicated my father. It did not leave me -indifferent. And, like him, I approved of the steadfast, confident tone -of the young wife's letter. As to leaving St. Mihiel, she wrote, such a -thought had never entered their heads! - -"She's quite right," said my father; "the Prussians will never get -there; they'll soon be sent back again. You know we've already got -seven hundred thousand men on the frontier." - -He added: - -"And Victor in the first line." - -His first-born, the re-incarnation of his imperious youth! The old -man's bellicose imagination rode along at his side. He explained to -me how, since the other day, he followed him hour by hour; he saw -him, having taken up his position on a spur of Mont-Secq, watching -the Woevre where the cavalry would soon be engaged. Though not very -familiar with the topography of this region, I understood the role -assigned to the covering forces, to hold on at all costs, in front of -the Cotes de Meuse even if attacked by forces ten times superior in -number, while the concentration went on behind the hills. - -"A dangerous task, that!" - -"Yes," said my father. "Most of them will stay there." - -I examined him, furtively; his massive Lorrain's head, the ruddy face -beneath the white hair, the square jaw, the nose with a heavy, decided -bridge. Sturdy and tall like an old oak, his only complaint at the age -of sixty-seven was an occasional attack of rheumatism. I might have -been gazing at the portrait of some ancestor. Was he not indeed an -anachronism in our century. Taciturn and reserved, but upright, frank, -and sound all through, the hero of an exclusive faith, of a single hate -and a single love, he treated with scorn all human contingencies in the -exaltation of his passion. It is true that he loved my brother as much -as if he had been his only son. And yet if he were to go and get killed -in one of the first engagements, I could foresee that the old man would -weep, gnawing at his grey moustache, but in this sorrow he would taste -the joy of sacrifice. If France were victorious he would consider -success cheap at the price. Oh! how complete was the contrast between -us, I thought. I supple, and of medium height, owing the triumph over -my constitutional delicacy only to the tardy pursuit of sports. I, -smiling and polite as a matter of form, but a cynic and dissembler; I -who believed in nothing, loved and hated nothing! - -Led away by a natural inclination, he conjured up his recollections of -the other war: deeds of courage and cruelty, stories breathing blood -and powder, all ending in violence and murder. It woke him up and -enraptured him to breathe the fumes of the slaughters of yesterday and -to-day. - -My demeanour and head tossings seemed to encourage him. Oh! if only he -could have read my thoughts. If he had guessed my detestation of all -fighting. My horror of physical suffering, the only true suffering in -my eyes, my longing for repose even without honour, my indifference -respecting my threatened country, the wish which I caught myself -forming--I had got as far as that!--to see our mobilisation hindered, -or even prevented altogether, the red flag hoisted, and our defeat -proclaimed before I had run any risk! - -My father, happily, had neither the taste nor the gift for probing -people's minds. His beliefs dazzled him with such shining proof that -he could not understand any one challenging them. He could not have -attributed thoughts like mine to any one but the scum of the nation, -degenerates, debased by sloth, vice, and alcohol. Strange that I should -be of his blood. - -The pudding was served. Melanie handed round a chestnut cream. My -father led the conversation back to Victor. I discerned the great -longing in the old man's heart to see his son--the apple of his -eye--again, and to do him honour. - -"He won't be long now before he gets his company." - -I had never taken umbrage at the paternal solicitude. Why should -I suddenly to-day consider as strange an affection so much out of -proportion...? You might have thought my brother was the only one who -was going to risk his life.... And what about me? I ventured to draw -attention to the fact. - -"You'll be only in the second line." - -"I beg your pardon! Our division is attached to the 4th Corps on the -active list." - -"When do you rejoin?" - -"The day after to-morrow." - -Then he deigned to ask me certain questions, this one among others: - -"How about your foot-gear?" - -I explained that the regulation boots hurt me. - -"That's a pity! A man with sensitive feet never makes a good soldier." - -He went on: - -"You'll remember you're a Lorrain!" - -But at that I came near to shaking my head. A Lorrain? Never. More -likely of the other race, my mother's. Or more likely still, of none -at all. There were too many strains in me; none of them succeeded in -getting the upper hand. I was the nameless product of concluding epochs. - -Time was getting on. I excused myself from staying late, and no efforts -were made to keep me. - -"You'll be busy to-morrow?" - -"All day long, unfortunately." - -"But still I'll try to look in to say good-bye" I added, "but I daren't -make any promises." - -I had quite made up my mind to do nothing of the sort. - -"Come and dine if you can." - -I had got as far as the hall. Melanie turned on the light for us. - -I thought, as I buttoned my gloves, how well adapted the situation -would have been for the stage. The son leaving for the Front. The great -Farewell scene. Even a second-rate actor could have drawn tears from -the public in it.... I, as actor and spectator combined, experienced -not the faintest trace of emotion. Nor, to a certainty, did my father. -So much the better! In that case we were sure to escape being -ridiculous. Why did it again occur to me that if it had been Victor...? - -"Well, good-bye, Father." I said. - -"Good-bye, Michel." - -He held out his broad wrinkled hand to me. To my surprise, it was -shaking. - -I had opened the door part way, and was on the point of going out, when -he drew me back. I suddenly saw his face, with its white beard, bending -over me. He kissed me. It was, I think, the first time for ten years. - -"Fight well!" - -"I promise you I will." - -I went quickly down the steps feeling quite staggered. Hardly had I -reached the bottom, when I recovered myself. I asked myself, mockingly, -whether I had not been affected by the traditional emotion? - -A little, I admitted. - -But I had the decency not to scoff at it openly. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -MY FRIEND - - -My char-woman woke me by bringing me the papers, which I read in bed. - -To think that it had not come yet! It was true that all intercourse -had been broken off between Berlin and St. Petersburg, and even on our -frontier there had already been some deaths, the Samain brothers and -the Cure de Moineville. Provocations and outrages were multiplying and -increasing in severity. Our forces nevertheless were still kept back -two miles from the frontier. M. de Schoen was still about. They were -talking! - -The papers did not cover more than a page now, and were quickly read. -They all contained the same incoherent _communiques_ and the rare -telegrams which were allowed by the censor (already!) to trickle -through. - -Details in plenty on the manifestations in Paris and in the provinces. -The same old story! In one of them there was a technical article headed -"The Defence of Nancy." This title interested me. I, like most other -people, felt so certain that this town was doomed; at the mercy of the -first masterly move. - -What baffled me was the placid, docile attitude of my friends the -socialists. How little one heard of them! It was true that the censor -... but never mind! Jaures, as he was dying, had left them the order -to go on, and they were going on. Closed ranks and obedience and -confidence were the orders of the day. Arguments were left for another -time! and on my honour, it was very fine! - -My purchases of the preceding day were delivered. I asked the boy who -brought them, if he was going to fight. - -"Of course!" - -He was a cheery soul. He liked the idea of knocking the Bosches on the -head; he had no great opinion of them chaps. And then besides that, it -was worth takin' a bit o' trouble to get a breath of fresh air, for -him whose week had been spent in running errands, and his Sundays as -assistant in a picture palace, for how long...? Blowed if it wasn't -five blooming years--yes, ever since he was a nipper of seventeen--he'd -never set eyes on the country.... - -Were there many like that, I wondered. - -When I tried on my boots they seemed to me to squeeze me. Was there a -pad in the heel? I put in my hand but brought nothing out. I should -have to squash the counter to make it more pliable. - -No business called me out-of-doors. My list of errands had been -exhausted the day before. What friend should I go to see? They would -all be running about the town in the excitement and emotion of -departures and farewells. I would go and dine with Laquarriere this -evening, that would be enough for me. I had made up my mind that the -streets would look just as commonplace as they had yesterday, and I -should get all the information I wanted from the newspapers. - -I stayed quietly at home, looking through my papers and reading over -some old letters. The idea of making my will occurred to me.... But, -when once I was gone, what would it matter to me? - -My friends in the regiment would have laughed if they had known to what -I had been tempted to consecrate my day, ever since I woke up. I went -and fished up a book in a grey cover from the bottom of my book-case; -my old _Handbook for Non-Commissioned Officers_. - -I had not opened the book since the beginning of my military service, -not even when I had been put in command of a section. It was quite -possible, to-day, in view of the deficiency of officers, that I should -be given a commission. - -So I lunched at home. I got through almost the whole of the book; -for instance the "Section in Action," and "Field Operations," -"Alimentation," and "Hygiene," such chapters as I agreed with in letter -and in spirit. But with what disdain did I skip everything concerning -peace time or even garrison duty. - -Towards evening, somebody rang the bell: Laquarriere. - -I greeted him with, "A good idea, old fellow! I was coming round to say -good-bye." - -"Oh yes, of course. You're off!" he said. - -He had escaped his military service, thanks to being slightly -short-sighted, and to the fact that he could demand a good deal of -interest. - -He was my only intimate. We had never been parted during our school -days at the _lycee_ at Tours. We had come up to Paris in the same year -to begin our legal studies. The Bar had attracted him; he seemed -to be going to succeed there; he had been accepted when still quite -young as secretary to the "Conference." We met almost every evening; -we dined and then idled together; our tastes agreed. Together we had -forged a philosophy, drawn from various sources, which fulfilled -all our requirements. How completely our ideas harmonised in our -wholesale scorn for people and things, and for ourselves, our hatred of -appearances and of Sentiment! We were candid, almost to the point of -brutality, in our dealings with each other. Courtesy and consideration -were well enough for fools. I took a delight in the thought that our -surly bearing towards each other hid a firm friendship. - -"You stay here, I suppose! Your usual luck!" - -He found nothing to say to me but: - -"Bah! Some will come back, after all!" - -"To think," I continued, "that in a fortnight I may be under fire!" - -"Yes. I can see you at it!" - -"How do you think I shall get on?" - -"Not brilliantly!" - -"What do you know about it?" - -"I know you." - -I protested; - -"That's idiotic! I'm sure there's a special grace given to uphold you!" - -He conceded: - -"That's true enough. One must be utterly dazed and allow oneself to be -driven, without knowing what one is doing or where one is going." - -This opinion shocked me. - -"You exaggerate! I admit that may be so for the soldiers, wretched -beasts of burden, ... but when once you are an N.C.O., and have -responsibility of some kind...." - -"One more chance of losing your head." - -I denied it. I, for instance, absorbed by the anxiety of leading my -men, was sure partially to forget the danger.... - -"Bah! Once there, morale is the only thing that counts." - -"Well?" - -"You won't get me to believe...." - -I hesitated, then I said: - -"After all. If I am going to fight, it only depended on me ... I was in -Switzerland...." - -He sneered: - -"No humbugging! You came back for reasons which had nothing at all -to do with patriotism! Simply because if you had not done so, your -position, your cash, and your little mode of living, would all have -gone overboard at one fell blow." - -His words reminded me of the vague hopes which had suggested themselves -to me two days before. - -"Listen! I certainly won't hide from you the fact that I envy you. I -should be delighted to stay under shelter like you. And yet ... shall -I own up to a certain kind of curiosity? War? This War. The greatest -of all! It seems to me that it's worth experiencing. What an amazing -opportunity for accumulating memories, and also of refreshing oneself, -of drawing near to nature!" - -He exploded. Good Heavens! Did I think it would have the faintest -interest for me! Was not the peculiarity of modern campaign a terrible -tedium? You never see the enemy. You spend days in shovelling ground -about. The operations are on such a vast scale that the majors and -colonels themselves often do not follow them in the least. - -"And you're counting on it for distraction and refreshment. Poor old -chap! It would have been well worth making yourself scarce. Well, -you're in for it now. What do you want? Regeneration by war! Back -to the land! I'm quite content! If you consider that your life was -becoming too monotonous, go and amuse yourself by getting a piece of -shrapnel into you, over yonder towards Epinal! That will wake you up a -bit!" - -He had beaten me. I contented myself with assuming a jeering -expression, in order to let him think I had been pulling his leg. - - - - -CHAPTER X - -EVENING, ON THE BOULEVARDS - - -It was time to go and dine. I bought a paper directly we got out. -Laquarriere exclaimed: - -"What thirst for news!" - -"I admit it." - -"And you expect to find it in the papers!" - -It was a fact that I searched in vain for any definite news concerning -the serious military and diplomatic situations. Always the same -system of brief, touched-up telegrams. One would so much have liked -to be certain of England's attitude. However, the theory of Italian -neutrality seemed to be confirmed; one good point! - -"What will the flying machines do?" I asked suddenly. - -The subject interested me. I had visions of raids and fantastic combats -_a la_ Wells. - -"Nothing at all!" Laquarriere broke in. "They haven't a ghost of a -chance against Zeppelins." - -He embarked on the praises of these Dreadnoughts of the air, one of -which had gone two thousand kilometres without a stop, a few months -before. - -"I shouldn't be surprised to see them over Paris to-night!" - -I tossed my head. He continued: - -"Besides, as regards aeroplanes, you mustn't imagine that we're in -any way superior to them in that line. They've beaten all our records -lately, distance and height." - -It was only one detail among many. He did not hide from me the fact -that he had an extremely poor opinion of our state of preparation. -Cipollina's tone and mistrust were repeated in him. I ventured to -remark: - -"Our troops in the East are tip-top." - -He shrugged his shoulders. - -"Perhaps, but you are hardly up to the same form." - -What could one say without losing one's temper, a thing I was not in -the least anxious to do. - - * * * * * - -After leaving the restaurant, we took a turn on the boulevards, where -the increasing crowd was gathering. Lost in the streams of people, -alternately bumped into or elbowed, it was impossible to keep up a -connected conversation. So much the better. I was quite willing to -forget the presence of my companion. - -I was haunted by the thought that it was my last evening of liberty -...; after to-morrow my uniform would impose upon me the strictest -restraint. I was making use of the final respite. I inhaled without -displeasure the dusty air laden with the smells of acetylene gas and -human emanations. - -A lot of the shop windows had their shutters up and looked dismal, -and looking up one could make out insolent German inscriptions. Angry -_bourgeois_ muttered as they passed, clenching their fists. People -were talking of nothing but the hasty dismissals of the day before. -The other shops flaunted their dazzling electric lights. The luminous -sky-signs, intermittent and hallucinating, unrolled flamboyant zigzags -and blazing coils. An unreal scene, well suited to the agitation of -the hour! Soon it would be quenched and blotted out and dismal.... -Paris was lavishing her final brilliance. What gaps were to be made by -to-morrow's call in this multitude promenading their quivering city -with such pride! I tried to read his secret on the face of each man of -an eligible age for military service. Was he going to rejoin? and I -felt inclined to shout to him: - -"I'm going, you know; I'm one of you!" - -My glance rested approvingly on the sturdy-looking fellows whose -martial air under their _kepis_ I could well imagine. With their heads -held high and their hands behind their backs, most of them looked about -them with a superlatively good-natured expression, quite innocent of -swagger. - -Laquarriere shouted down my ear: - -"You all look as if you were starting out for a day's shooting!" - -Oh! so I looked like the rest? Well, I was not sorry for it! - -My companion persuaded me to finish up the evening in a music hall. - -The place was full. Lots of people were treating themselves to an -evening's amusement before the coming horrors. There was a sketch, -followed by several acrobatic turns. The audience was enthusiastic. But -I was struck, nevertheless, by the coldness with which "the eccentric" -Fergusson, usually the idol of the public, was received. - -Laquarriere enlightened me by remarking: - -"That will teach England to buck up a bit!" - -We laughed together over the childishness of crowds, for this -"eccentric" said to be a Londoner, had perhaps been born at Javel. The -three Alkenkirch brothers, the Dresden tight-rope walkers, had also -disappeared from the programme. - -Laquarriere whispered: - -"They would have been torn to pieces! Just look at the brutes." - -I had to echo him, but I thought to myself that if ever there had been -a time when Chauvinism was excusable.... - -The show came to an end. There was not the usual rush for the doors -when the curtain fell on the final scene of the little _revue_. - -"The best part is still to come!" whispered my companion. - -A murmur ran through the crowd, and swelled into "_La Marseillaise! La -Marseillaise!_" - -Laquarriere nudged me with his elbow. - -"Now we're off!" - -He assured me that the orchestra had had orders to delay striking up in -order to give the audience time to work itself up. - -True enough the uproar was increasing. The audience were on their feet, -waving their sticks, and violently demanding: - -"_La Marseillaise!_" - -Laquarriere called my attention to the courtesans in the promenade, -who, delighting in an evening which promised to be fruitful, stood on -tiptoe leaning on the arms of their chance-met companions, and stamping -and shouting: "_La Marseillaise!_" - -The conductor's baton gave three short taps. On the sudden abatement -of the tumult, rose the superb rhythm of the opening notes,--a virile -introduction. - -All the men had bared their heads simultaneously. - -No; not all. - -"Hats off!" shouted someone behind us. - -For whom was the order meant? For Laquarriere, I could see. He shrugged -his shoulders to show that it pleased him to thwart such a fool. But -the moment was ill-chosen. Other voices, already grown threatening, -repeated: - -"Hats off! Hats off!" - -He gave way, smiling scornfully. - -The orchestra excelled themselves. At the opening of the refrain the -general attention was caught and held by the imperative call of the -repeated high note, and the feelings of the audience carried away by -the well-marked rhythm of the melody. A warlike jollity was abroad. I -swear I had a momentary vision of risen troops hurling themselves in -serried ranks against the hostile masses. I shivered. I was entering -into communion with the multitude.... - -Laquarriere leant towards me and made some remark which I did not -catch, but which I had to acknowledge with a smile.... My trance was -over, I listened untroubled to the crash of the brasses, as it grew -in intensity and rose headlong to the heights, to die away in wild -flourishes. Then from two thousand throats there rose a clamour which -rolled like thunder round the roof. A new thrill ran through me; I was -just going to shout ... when Laquarriere seized me by the arm. - -"Let's be off!" - -"Nice patriots!" he mocked; "all these fine fellows who came to gaze at -a pretty pair of legs." - -That restored things to their proper proportions. - -"But what about you? It shook you up a bit, eh?" - -I denied it obstinately. - -He walked back with me. We talked of nothing but the most ordinary -things on the way. I was preoccupied, almost melted. Why?... good -heavens! because in a few minutes I was going to part from the only -friend of my childhood, from the only fellow being who really knew -me.... - -Should we ever see each other again? - -In spite of my instinctive horror of any display of feeling, I could -not help imagining that some heartfelt word would pass between us, some -brotherly embrace draw us closer to each other ... and the prospect -moved me. - -Laquarriere soon settled the matter. - -When we got to my door, he stopped suddenly and held out his hand -saying: - -"Well, so long, old chap! Hope your pack will weigh lightly on you!" - -It just hit the nail on the head. - -"So long, old chap!" I repeated. - -He went off, swinging his stick. - -Oh well, it was quite natural! We were nothing to each other. Nobody -was anything to any one.... What idle fancies I had woven! - - - - -_BOOK III_ - -_August 4th-9th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -THE FIRST STAGE - - -Montparnasse station--cold and grey on this dull August morning. -Groups of people, each setting out with its escort, might be seen -streaming in from all the neighbouring turnings towards the square -which the last tooting trams were crossing. They formed but one swarm, -scattered and renewed without ceasing. There was nothing like these -huge quivering masses, the preoccupation of all Paris, magnificent in -their emotion and courage, who succeeded each other at the Gare de -L'Est. Poor women, young and old looking almost equally faded, were -carrying old handkerchiefs containing the possessions of their husbands -and sons,--working-men in broad belts. Beside them, fathers wearing -decorations and beautifully dressed mothers and sisters surrounded -young _bourgeois_ dragging heavy kit-bags. All these people were -holding back their tears and smiling, saying that they would see each -other again! - -As for me, I was alone. I was leaving nothing behind me. So much the -better; I was glad of it. I was starting on the great adventure, with -an entirely open mind, in the role of an on-looker. - -The two staircases were barricaded. Only one entrance was open, -reserved for soldiers carrying their railway warrants in their hands. -I followed the stream. We climbed the slope. From the road below -passers-by made us signs of encouragement. I noted the quick sprightly -steps of most of my companions. Mine were rather slower but firm and -decided nevertheless. I unconsciously adopted the gait of a man who -means to see the thing through. - -I should, I thought, see nearly all my contemporaries in the regiment -turning up at this meeting-place. I rejoiced at the thought of spying -out, on each one's forehead, the reflection of his private feelings. - -The comrades of my twenty-first year! There is no age at which a life -lived in common is responsible for forming more attachments than this -one, but I was among those who had made the fewest friends during those -ten months. I had had a room to myself in town, while many of them -agreed to share with two or three others. I was considered a bore; a -report which I had started, a state of affairs which I exploited, in -order to escape endless fatigues. Beyond that I was neither liked nor -disliked. They mistrusted my coldly mystifying disposition, they envied -me the calm insolence with which I defied my non-commissioned officers. -When the time came for separation, and the exchange of addresses, I did -as the others did; without any illusions; nobody would bother to look -me up, I felt sure. I was mistaken. Someone did come: Guillaumin. - -He was a grotesquely ugly chap, with a great thick red nose, -short-sighted eyes, and a hoarse voice. A chatter-box, energetic and -obliging, loved and chaffed by everyone. What should he do but get the -idea into his head of keeping in touch with all those he had considered -good fellows down there! And he had almost succeeded in doing so. He -was the living index which one need only consult for information on -the fate of all the old lot in our platoon. He dropped in to see me -from time to time, on his way from the office where he vegetated as a -clerk. We dined together on those evenings, and for him, I deserted -Laquarriere, who, having caught sight of him one day, did not spare me -his sarcasms on my grotesque "regimental friend." - - * * * * * - -I arrived in the station. It was swarming with reservists leaving to -rejoin their regiment. Not many faces that I recognised. One already -felt lost, and groups were formed instinctively. - -The first one I shook hands with was Laraque, the handsome Laraque, -whose rosy shaven face and marked features, prepossessing and imperious -at the same time, gave him simultaneously the air of a Roman Emperor or -of a ballad prince. - -"Well, there we are!" he said. "Killing, what?" - -"Killing, oh rather. Got your ticket?" - -"What do you imagine! I think they might give us a free trip!" - -His tone showed me where I was. I could see that it was going to be the -proper thing to take everything as a joke. Not to show one's feelings -in any way.... Good! We should see how long that would last! I should -have my revenge as an on-looker. - -Faron joined us, the son of the professor at the Sorbonne. He himself -was a barrister, thin, energetic, and impenetrable. He buried himself -in his newspapers. Then Holveck small and witty. He had just started -a bank, with a branch in New York. Ladmiraut, an old Normalien with -a puffy face and thick, hanging lips, an erudite pedant and a simple -soul who used to be the picked target for all the practical jokes. Big -Denais, the finished type of the don't-care-a-blow-for-any-one shover. -Fortin, who had taken a degree in history, a lecturer and public -speaker, not long returned from Germany, and already in search of a -public. - -It was a very lively scene. All meeting and recognising and calling to -one another. - -"Helloa Miquel, is that you?" - -"What a nice surprise!" - -"No! it must be a put-up job!" - -They were all here, all going to fight. But with what will, I could not -yet decide. - -Our train, the 7:16, was almost due. Laraque dragged me away towards -the platform, out of breath and purple in the face, his hat and -eye-glass on one side. He wiped his damp forehead and shiny nose. - -"Do you know what delayed me?" - -We did not listen to his story, he realised it, and cut it short. - -"And ... what about the old lot?" - -I mentioned some names and expressed my surprise at not seeing Boutet. - -"What! You haven't heard about it! Poor wretch! He's been at Berck, for -the last six months." - -"Oh, I say ... that's the limit," said Laraque. - -He laughed, but I felt that it was only half in fun. - -Guillaumin continued: - -"I came across little Fremont outside." - -"Oh!" - -"He couldn't tear himself away from his wife." - -"What, Fremont married?" - -"Yes, rather, six weeks ago." - -Just think of that. The idea amused me. He had been the youngest in the -platoon, enlisting at the age of eighteen, though he did not look more -than sixteen. He was as beardless and fresh as a girl and scared at -first by the round oaths in the barrack-room ... and now he was married! - -"What's his wife like?" - -"Also quite young. They're like two children! She wants to go to F---- -with him." - - * * * * * - -The journey lasted just four hours. - -We had scrambled into one of the "commandeered" carriages which within -a few days would take us on to the scene of action. - -We were gay with a gaiety in some cases spontaneous but for the most -part, assented to, though neither forced nor painful. Magnificent -inconsequence! And the delight of meeting again like schoolboys at the -beginning of the October term. - -At certain moments we touched lightly upon some subject of serious -discussion. England?... Oh yes! England!... Some facetious remark soon -put an end to it. Holveck turned to Guillaumin: - -"You'll have to do away with your eye-glass." - -"Why?" - -"Because of the splinters ... if you get a bullet in your eye!" - -This sally raised a general laugh. Through the open windows our gaze -roved over the countryside. It was a little depressing no doubt. This -war! How many would set eyes on this landscape again next year!... But -let's hope for the best whatever happens. After all, it simply meant -that manoeuvres would last rather longer than usual!... This state of -affairs would not last for ever; two or three months, six at the most! -and it would be all over!... and Philoppon, the fair-haired dandy who -had been brought to the station in a car by his people, already had -visions of next winter, which he expected to spend as usual on the -Riviera. - -"I tell you what, you chaps, I shall see an extraordinary improvement -in it after the war, what!" - - * * * * * - -On our arrival we went straight to the barracks. - -The weather was stormy. In crossing F---- I was reminded of our former -route marches.... Our platoon heading the battalion. The company -commander gave us as guide a great lout of a sergeant who kept up a -stream of invectives. All the world and his wife were at the windows. -Left--Right! Left--Right! Our pace quickened going up the hill, and -we had to hang on to each other in order to keep our intervals. What -an effort it was, weighed down, and with the muscles of the thigh -contracted, and those of the calf aching, to cover the last lap. - -I called these things to mind now all the more easily because I -again found myself struggling with my pack on the same ascent. I was -perspiring, and already tired and depressed. And then in those days I -had the buoyancy and the enthusiasm of youth, and facing these trials I -used to say to myself, "It's got to be gone through!" I had the feeling -that I was buying repose for the rest of my life. - -What a sigh I had heaved when my time was up. I had thought my period -of physical constraint, the most trying of all, over and done with!... -And now I had got to go through it all over again.... Worse even than -that. The hardest part by far still awaited me!... How I loathed in -advance the bitter hardships to come, the defilades at the double, the -tramps across the ploughed fields under the crushing weight of the -pack, all the cursed, humiliating, bodily subjection. - -But I made a childish vow not to "overdo" things, as they say. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -NEW COMRADES AND OLD - - -Having registered my name the sergeant on duty snapped: - -"The 22nd! They're in the College, Rue St. Paul." - -One thing delighted me. Guillaumin was attached to the same unit. I -had so often experienced his good-nature and devotion. He would be -invaluable, perfect, on active service. - -But what other non-coms., should we have as companions? - -Directly we got to our quarters, we saw two men detach themselves -from the group standing there. Two more of the old lot, two -school-teachers.... Guillaumin whispered their names to me--Descroix, a -squat, red-haired chap, with an imperial and a clumsy way of walking; -and Humel, a small slight man with a thin pale face, and a rather -cunning expression. We greeted one another cordially, pretending to -congratulate ourselves on the lucky chance. They lost no time in -addressing us in the most familiar terms, and we put on no side. -Conversation soon began to lag, however, as we lacked any interests in -common. - -Guillaumin suddenly went off. He brought back a man named De Valpic to -introduce to us. He was tall and slim and distinguished-looking with a -gentle, sad expression. - -As he was already in uniform the company sergeant-major, who was -passing, requisitioned him. - -When he had gone, we asked Guillaumin who he was. - -"Oh, you know the De Valpics--the historical ones! He is the -ambassador's nephew. I met him in camp at Mailly, and he asked me to -go and see him--A mansion in the Rue de Grenelle, with a courtyard of -sixty yards. But quite unspoilt, a very good sort, you'll see!" - -"He'd better not give himself airs here!" said Descroix. - -He and Humel did not seem in the least disposed to make friends with -the new-comer. - -Reservists kept on arriving in an uninterrupted string, their rejoining -orders in their hands. - -"Here are the people we're going to get killed with," Guillaumin said. -"What sort do they look?" - -Beaucerons for the most part, reserved, obstinate, weather-beaten -beings, who did not talk much. When they did it was with a guttural -accent. I was able to identify the faces of a certain number of worthy -farmers, the Simeons and Gaudereaux whom I had noticed during my year's -services. From a distance they all seemed our elders, with their scored -faces, and their bodies bent and thickened by the rough work in the -fields. A minority of Parisians were making four times more noise than -the others. I raised my eyebrows. I had caught sight of Judsi with his -queer clown's face--a bad stock--and further on, Lamalou, a huge fellow -with a weakness for the fair sex, who had come back from the punishment -battalions in Africa; a good sort, but terrible when he had been -drinking. - -"The deuce!" I said to Guillaumin. "We've got some bad hats." - -"They make the best soldiers!" - -Judsi was raising roars of laughter by handing round the hat, his hat, -an extraordinary object which he must have picked up for fun on the -high road. - -"Help a pore man!" - -He humbugged: Didn't his pals agree that it was just the time to go -and fetch a few kilos of red wine? Who knew whether they wouldn't have -kicked the bucket by to-morrow. - -He ended by collecting about four francs. He went off and came back in -ten minutes' time carrying seven or eight bottles. - -They made him a speech, they smacked each other on the back, they went -into fits simply at the sight of him clicking his tongue or rolling his -eyes. - -I suddenly caught sight of someone coming towards me ... the brick -red cheeks, the flat nose, the crisp hair, and full lips exposing the -receding gums ... all these were familiar to me. The man was wearing a -dirty grey suit. He held out his hairy paw to me. - -"Halloa, my 'rooky'!" - -The sound of his voice enabled me to place him. - -"Bouillon!" - -Eight years before, when I first joined, I had found him rejoicing in -good conduct and efficiency badges, and acting as barrack-room orderly. -The excellent fellow had at once taken me under his protection, and had -seen me through the first three weeks, teaching me the rudiments of -manual and platoon exercises. He was not a little proud of it. I was -"his rooky." A little later on Bouillon had got into trouble. He had -been led away by Lamalou, and mixed up in some night brawl, and had -lost his stripes in consequence. When I rejoined the company I had been -able, without causing him any humiliation to get him attached to me as -batman and we had both congratulated ourselves on our understanding, he -because I occasionally gave him a tip to supplement his weekly three -francs, I because my kit was so well cared for, from that day onwards. - -I had not seen him since. The joy of having found me again lit up his -face. - -He said insinuatingly: - -"If only you could get me into your section?" - -I promised to try and arrange the matter for him shortly. - -"That chap seems very much attached to you," said Guillaumin. - -"Pooh! He hopes to get some money out of me!" - -A quartermaster-sergeant who had re-enlisted accosted us: - -"I say, you're the N.C.O.'s of the 22nd, aren't you? Come and get -changed: Then you can lend a hand ... with the men!" - -We followed him to the clothing-store which had been installed in a -yard. - -An officer was there, a sub-lieutenant in the reserves, a young -fellow with a fine head, and a long brown moustache, which he twirled -mechanically. We reported ourselves to him. He timidly asked each one -of us what our profession was. - -"That's right!" he said approvingly; "quite right. Yes!" - -There was a superb lot of regulation trousers, tunics, and greatcoats. - -Guillaumin marvelled at them. - -"Some preparation--what!--in spite of all they say!" - -We soon found what we wanted, all that is, except him, whose arms were -so long as to be out of all proportion. - -We laughed at his build, resembling that of a monkey. - -"First-rate for bayonet work!" he retorted. - -We were ready. The quartermaster brought us a dozen men. - -"The first batch!" - -A nice business this: these two hundred fellows to fit out! They all -kept coming out of turn. And they weren't a bit easy to manage, as they -did not care a rap for us! And then how nice and easy it was to find -one's way about among these marks. M III, G II, E IV...! A foul dust -flew out of the piles of clothing which were lying about, out of the -heaps of caps which had come undone.... And the stink of these people -in their shirt-sleeves!... Heavens! I did the best thing I could do -under the circumstances, and bolted surreptitiously. - -Having got over the railings I saluted a couple standing on the -pavement, hand-in-hand. Little Fremont and his wife whom I thought -insignificant-looking. I went on, but was not displeased at the idea of -his being in the 22nd; one more pleasant comrade. - -I did not reappear in quarters until evening. Guillaumin at once warned -me charitably to look out! I was marked! Descroix and Humel had soon -noticed my disappearance and had made no bones about reporting me. The -quartermaster had stormed and raged; a regular hullabaloo! - -"What does it matter!" I interrupted. - -I saw, however, that there was a certain amount of danger in allowing -a hostile clan to form itself at the very beginning. I went into the -little room reserved for us. I found Descroix in his shirt-sleeves, and -offered him a cigarette, which he accepted. Humel came back, and we -joked. Neither of them uttered a word about the afternoon's occurrence. - -However, the quartermaster-sergeant came to tell me, in a tone that I -did not half like, that I had been warned for orderly duty at the gates. - -"Who detailed me?" - -"The sergeant-major." - -The others were chuckling inwardly. I made the best of a bad job. All -right! My turn would come in time no doubt! I was looking for the -necessary equipment when a counter order arrived. The guard would be -drawn entirely from the 23rd to-day. - -Still better! I went out calmly, taking Guillaumin with me. Fremont had -vanished. We met De Valpic: - -"Are you coming to dine with us?" - -He excused himself. Not this evening, he preferred to rest. - -Rest after what? His refusal shocked me. If he was going to refuse to -associate with us, he would have to be taken down a peg. - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -KNOCKS AND CONTACTS - - -Each morning, for the next three days, we got part of our equipment. -The quality of the leather goods was excellent, the arms were in -first-rate order, the linen clean and of a kind to wear well. There -were some details not up to the mark, the haversacks were only -moderately good, most of the water-bottles leaked or smelt bad. -Bouillon, however, got me all I wanted in the way of new things, and it -was, thanks to him too, that the battalion cobbler deigned to put nails -into my boots. - -In the afternoons my only idea was to "leg it." - -In theory we were not allowed out until after five o'clock; but as a -matter of fact our stripes over-awed the sentry, the sergeant in charge -took care not to see us on condition, of course, that we should do as -much for him sometime. - -Guillaumin stayed in billets for the first two days, hoping to make -himself useful. I found him in a state of exasperation when I got back -in the evening; they had made no use of him, nor of the men, for that -matter.... Oh yes, I beg your pardon! They had not stopped sweeping the -yard all afternoon. Then at four o'clock they had emptied a cartload of -straw out on to it, and now it was dirtier than ever! His obsession -for the time being was this: What were they waiting for? Why didn't -they take us on the drill-ground? Let them teach us our trade as -soldiers. To think we were going to fight to-morrow! - -Through him I learnt that the text-books had lately been modified on -several essential points. I enjoyed getting a rise out of him. - -"Oh, what does it matter! None of the officers have an inkling of it." - -He got into a great state of mind. What a shame it was to have to see -such valuable material wasted. We had no leaders. - -"In the 22nd anyhow!" - -We were agreed on that point. - -Who would have believed that our captain had not yet put in an -appearance, though his arrival had been announced several times. The -first lieutenant Delafosse, a middle-aged man, cold and correct, -confined himself to questions of administration. As for the others, -Henriot, whom we had come across on the first day, we soon placed as an -elementary schoolteacher. Yet another of them! Rather a refined-looking -man, but his accent left much to be desired. He taught, we heard, in -a village near the Meuse. He meant well no doubt, but was woefully -lacking in authority and initiative. His two colleagues, Descroix -and Humel, had soon monopolised him, and were hail-fellow-well-met -with him. He made himself very pleasant and attentive to us, and was -obviously anxious to make a good impression. When he had to give an -order he seemed apologetic about it: - -"I refer the matter to you ... you know all about that as well as I do!" - -Ravelli, the battalion sergeant-major, a good-looking dog, who had -been decorated, added his own failings to those indispensable to his -calling! An insufferable bounder! Stupid and pretentious; a real bad -lot.... He grovelled to the officers and bullied the men shamefully. He -did not quite dare to attack us openly, and we could see he appreciated -our powers of retaliation. But the poor _poilus_ in the ranks! - -It was nothing but parades and roll-calls and inspections with this -low-bred cur at their heels from morning till night, an endless stream -of fatigues. The tactlessness of the man! The Parisian groused. Lamalou -already refused flatly to obey him; and Judsi made no bones about -exclaiming, "The bloody beast, 'e'd better look out for 'isself w'en we -get our ammunition." - -Such were our superior officers. The trio lacked breadth of mind. -Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant was acting company sergeant-major, -as we had not a _pukka_ one. - -Three more non-commissioned officers had now been added to the company. -Hourcade, a bank clerk in civil life, a dull dog, and meticulous to a -fault. Belloeil, a butcher from Marais, with very high colouring,--a -good sort, so obese that they had given up trying to clothe him. He -declared his intention of staying behind as drill sergeant to the -raw recruits. And lastly Playoust. He was a character, this Chartres -fishmonger. A fine figure of a man, a rake with the gift of the gab, -he was addicted to "talking big," and did not lack a sense of humour. -His bragging amused me. A gay dog, he boasted that he accepted ... -hospitality in town every night, but never two nights from the same -hostess. He assured us that there was a large choice. Where on -earth?... Why of course among the wives of the regulars who had left on -the day of mobilisation. - -Guillaumin had not much taste for this class of bragging. Nor I, for -that matter, but I recognised in this popular cynicism a kindred spirit -to my own. And then Playoust made up to me and always liked to count me -among his audience when he was playing the fool. It was no time before -he had gained a singular hold over a certain set of our comrades. Were -we there to be bored? He organised "manilles" in which Descroix and -Humel and Hourcade took part from the beginning. Quartermaster Belloiel -took a hand when wanted. Guillaumin loathed cards. As to the others -they were left out of it. I was never asked to make a fourth. But I saw -that it was in my own interest to remain on good terms with the whole -lot.... There did not seem to me very much difficulty about that; ... -I had bought cigars to give away. I wasted a whole afternoon in this -colourless society. Playoust was in good form that day. We kept up a -cross-fire of witticisms, he and I.... It was up to the others to do -the laughing. Everything went well! - -I climbed down when Guillaumin came to me that same evening much -against his will--for he hated telling tales--to give me a friendly -warning. - -"You look out! They can't stand you!" - -"No! Is it as bad as all that?" - -"Quite. It's better that you should know about it." - -"What do they object to about me?" - -"The way you get out of things, and shirk the tiresome jobs. They can't -stand that. Directly your back was turned, just now, they exploded. A -regular chorus! It's just the same every evening!" - -"Descroix and Humel?" I asked scornfully. - -"And Playoust too." - -"Really! You don't say so!" - -"He most of all!" - -This gave me something to think about, when all the time I'd been -looking on him as an ally!... I thanked Guillaumin for drawing my -attention to it. - -"You may be sure I stood up for you," he added. - -As if I should ever have doubted it! - -I examined my conscience; there was no doubt that I had been to blame -on several occasions! - -Thereupon I altered my plan of attack! - -The next day Playoust happened to be on guard. He was obviously -frightfully cut up at having to fail a particularly lovely lady. I -offered to take his place. He accepted casually. - -"I'll do the same for you sometime, old boy!" - -"Right you are!" - -In the morning I had already suggested taking charge of a fatigue party -of some sort. Descroix had exclaimed: - -"Nonsense, it can't be true! Dreher who never stirs a foot." - -"It's about time he took his turn," said Humel. - -Never mind! I quite thought I should succeed in disarming them -partially. - -At the same time I judged it expedient to tighten the bonds between us, -the four old pupils. I busied myself about it without much success. - -Fremont was the pleasant comrade he had always been. But in voice and -gesture and outlook he still retained a certain something which was -extraordinarily infantile, and rather took one aback. He was extremely -young in mind too. A Doctor of Science at the age of twenty-three and -an honours man he took no interest in anything outside his speciality. -He was particularly unresponsive on the subjects of art and philosophy -which I was particularly fond of discussing. - -Besides he was living in a dream. Though present at every parade, he -deserved every time--as Guillaumin threatened him, with a laugh--to be -reported as absent. - -"Oh, these young husbands!" - -He waited until the regulation time to go out, but then he lost no time -in getting through the gate. His wife had come to fetch him, and they -went off arm in arm. One met nobody but them in town, all evening. Why -couldn't they shut themselves up? I knew they had hired a room. Yes, -Guillaumin explained to me, but they did not have the use of it till -eight o'clock. Poor lovers! The fact remains that their idyl, in a fair -way to become the talk of the whole regiment, got on my nerves! - -As for De Valpic, it must be admitted that he was rather an eccentric -being. His manners were perfection. On coming into contact with him -one felt that he was unusually cultured, not to say, erudite. He would -embark on a discussion with great gusto ... but it would suddenly come -to a premature close. He used to pretend to give way suddenly before -your arguments. I say pretend because you felt that he had others in -reserve. Was it the disdain of a great gentleman for our _bourgeois_ -dialectics? The supposition warred with his entire absence of side. -But I had nevertheless to adhere to it. He so carefully avoided all -attempts to force his intimacy. It was impossible to persuade him to -take a meal with us. And yet he could hardly be called a sybarite -when he dined at the best hotel in the place. He professed to be on a -special diet. Was he ill? Perhaps. As a matter of fact he did not look -very robust.... I questioned him discreetly. He reddened and got out of -it by answering vaguely: - -"Digestion!..." - -What is certain is that he was of a particularly lazy disposition. His -least busy day he spent stretched out at full length, his head leaning -against his valise, his legs in a rug which he had brought; quite idle, -with his eyes open. This attitude drew upon him, besides Playoust's -quips, the animosity of the company sergeant-major who, sticking his -nose in at the door, would call him slyly: - -"Halloa there! De Valpic! As you're doing nothing!" - -Guillaumin continued to be my only intimate companion. I did not -tell any one but him of my discovery of a hay-loft looking over the -Principal's garden. He soon got in the habit of coming there often to -join me. It became our headquarters. - -I now succeeded in persuading him to go about the town with me. We -hardly left each other's side. In the evening he accompanied me to -the door of the hotel where I had been able to find a room, and he -went back to sleep on the straw. I had thought of asking him to share -my bed; but how embarrassing for both of us! He would no doubt have -refused. - -F---- seemed quite commonplace. I had seen it look pretty much the same -each time the Division assembled for manoeuvres. - -There was the same stream of red trousers rolling through the streets -at all hours, besieging the "pubs," and rifling the grocers' shops -and bazaars, the shopkeepers' one idea being to exploit the reservists -whose pockets were usually well-lined. The windows decked with bunting -suggested the idea of an eve of the fourteenth of July, or of a visit -from the President. - -The atmosphere was as calm as possible. Those who had expected riots, -or a revolution! I only remember one incident. The report spread -one afternoon that a spy had been discovered and arrested at the -station.... In five minutes a crowd was shouting in front of the -police-station where the transgressor, or transgressors--they talked -now of three or four!--had been taken and put under arrest. Policemen -were guarding the door. We waited for half an hour amid the growing -feverishness. When they came out there was an outcry and a rush.... The -shameful fury of crowds!... I caught sight of the two poor wretches, a -man and a woman, little puny, terrified creatures. A motor took them -away. They were both cowering under the menace of raised walking-sticks. - -The sight had irritated me. It was easy to say spies! I thought of our -compatriots, caught unawares in Germany. It might have happened to me. -I was there at the time of the Agadir trouble. I teased Guillaumin who -had been as bad as the rest. He admitted that he had been in the wrong, -but it was too much for him. The Bosches. The filthy Bosches! - -The lead had been heaved and soundings taken. All these people hid -the sacred passion beneath their calm exterior. They were right. -This nation had risen to butcher us. Between them and us a war of -extermination was beginning.... - -And I could so easily have forgotten it! - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -THE EXISTING STATE OF MIND - - -The Paris papers came regularly; several editions every day, but we -were no longer so ravenous for this type of nourishment. When once the -period of anxiety concerning Belgium's resistance and the intervention -of England was over, we almost lost interest in the rest, yes, even in -the first engagements in Lorraine, where our men won such a glorious -name for themselves. We felt that nothing of importance would take -place for ten days or a fortnight. - -Our chief anxiety was to know what they would do with us. - -The general opinion was that we would be in the second line -(Reservists. The idea!), that we would only look on from afar at the -first terrible encounters.... When the regulars were put out of action, -yes, then it would be our turn to take the field. But it was quite -possible that the war would already be well advanced. - -What day should we leave? And what would our destination be? - -Outlandish rumours were in circulation. They were hailed with a smile, -and passed on in fun, but we ended by believing them. What did we know -about it? The "tips" always came from such high-placed officials, -generals, or station-masters. One persistent rumour was that we were -to be sent to Le Havre, and from there shipped ... to what port do you -think? You'd never guess, however long you went on trying! To Bremen! -A landing party! Heavens, we stopped at nothing, with the British -fleet behind us! According to another version we were to form part of -a reserve force concentrated at Goetquidam Brittany! The drawback was -that we ran the risk of not seeing anything! - -Morale! What a strange factor it is in deciding the fate of nations! I -failed to take it into account now. This uncertainty weighed on me. I -sounded my companions. - -"Look here, how do you think things are going ... all right?" - -"What!" - -My question astounded them. On looking back it seems to me obvious that -an insane optimism held sway. What could the Central Powers do against -this gigantic coalition. The Kaiser had lost his head! Driven by the -"junker" party, he was risking his all in a fit of despair. - -How long would it go on for? The figure quoted was three months. - -Three months, I said to myself: three months! - -Fate might decide that our army corps, our regiment, was not to be -engaged more than once or twice.... There would be some rough knocks to -put up with! But what of that? Lots would come through! For those who -did it would be curiously interesting to look on at the reconstruction -of the world which would follow.... Would life be any the better for -it? Yes. In what way? I did not know. But I was firmly convinced of it. - -In Guillaumin I had a surprising source of high spirits and enthusiasm. -He lived in a state of exaltation. He was the only one to read between -the lines, in the daily reports, endless sensational pieces of news, -extraordinarily favourable to us, withheld, he said, through an excess -of modesty. - -"They're afraid the public might lose their heads." - -If I pretended to be alarmed: - -"What's become of the concentration? Look at all the regulars that are -about still!" - -He retorted with: - -"My dear fellow, they're getting two days ahead of the estimates." - -He had been to the station. He had seen any amount of trains passing -crammed with troops and war material...! An inconceivable number of big -guns, and ammunition waggons, and gun carriages! A store of unsuspected -riches! - -Our staff? Was admirable. Joffre, the great strategist, who left -nothing to chance. Pau, the soldier whom the Germans feared more than -any one, De Castelnau! Since he had made it his career despite his -opinions! - -The Government? Perfection. Viviani, the right man in the right place; -the strong and many-sided genius that was needed. How fine,--and what -a clever move--his letter to Madame Jaures had been! The results of it -were this solidity, and absolute unanimity; the rising _en masse_ of -the peaceful operatives, the internationalists of yesterday, claiming -for their great country the right to live and be respected. - -Guillaumin knew the text of the different official declarations and -proclamations by heart; he recited scraps of them to me. - -"Glorious! What!" - -It was not an assumed excitement. I sounded him. He really was -delighted to be going. It was the ingenuous wish for the unexpected and -for adventure in one who led the most dreary of lives as a civilian. -And the need to expend himself in a cause he felt was just. He did not -need much urging to bring out such big words as Duty and Patriotism!! - -His fervour both lowered him and raised him in my estimation. On one -side I was inclined to place him in the class of credulous boobies, -like the young fool of a lawyer's clerk I had met in the railway -carriage. At the same time he gave me an example of moral warmth and -vigour preferable to my frivolity. - -He alone seemed changed by these formidable circumstances. He was -thrilled. I should like to have been thrilled. - -What made the Descroix and Humels so unbearable to me was their -peace-time point of view. The way they spent hour after hour playing -stupid card games, taking no interest in anything else! It was beyond -me, and it worried me. They would not be the ones to save France! - -(Should I be!!!) - -Guillaumin reassured me. - -"Don't you worry about that! You keep your eye on the _poilus_. That's -all that matters!" - -I tossed my head. My men? What could I know about them? - -I had thirty-three roughs under me, squads 11 and 12. Guillaumin had -the same number, squads 9 and 10; Lieutenant Henriot was in command of -the platoon. - -Up to now, I had tried only to avoid being unpopular. I thought I -was succeeding in it. I relied entirely on my corporals, Bouguet and -Donnadieu, who were well up in their job. - -Chance had thrown together in my section, Judsi and Lamalou, the two -scoundrels whom I have already mentioned, among the stolid Beaucerons -who were all so much alike that they might have been brothers. They -were a scurvy couple. They had already been caught by a patrol one -night in town, and brought back drunk, shouting and storming, and had -been in such a dangerous mood next day that Henriot had not dared to -haul them over the coals for it. - -The impressions I had retained of the few weeks once spent on a -company, before going to the "Peloton," the one occasion in which I -had come into contact for a short period with the lower classes, were -these: The barrack was a den of wild beasts, and the peasants real -brutes. The fact that the one thing they looked forward to was Sunday -when they could drink themselves stupid, made them lower even than -the animals. Beyond that the only thing that had worried me was the -"promiscuousness." The days of ragging were over; I was free with my -cigarettes and "drinks." I could always find someone ready to take -my fatigues for me for the sake of a sixpence, and ever since then -Bouillon had been my guardian angel. It did not matter how much this -pleb was looked down on! - -Attached to my original company during the manoeuvres, reports -had reached the ears of the reserve officer to the effect that -I was already well up in my work, and I had at once been made a -non-commissioned officer, a distant and unapproachable being. - -My energetic "command" ensured my authority, on the drill-ground at all -events. Elsewhere?... There was no elsewhere. As for taking a personal -interest in each of the men, and searching into, and investigating -their characters, as Guillaumin tried to induce me, and forced himself -to do,--the idea had never entered my head. To-day it seemed an idle -fancy outside the realms of realisation. I felt that this mass of men -was too remote from, and, in all probability, hostile to us. No, they -did not count at all as individual souls! I listened to Guillaumin as -he extolled their sound good sense, and sturdy morale. It was too much -to ask of this poor food for cannons. - -But one thing struck me, nevertheless; the small, the infinitesimal -number of men who "groused." Not a sign of "shirkers." It was -astounding to me to note, in the days that followed, how this -spirit had spread. I did not see any great enthusiasm, but rather -determination, or perhaps it was resignation. There was at all events, -no reluctance, no little underhand plots, elaborated with a view to -remaining at the depot. I have quoted our friend Belloeil; but even he -would willingly have gone with us, I think, but for his asthma, which -made him pant like a seal, merely at having to go up into billets. - -One drama, I remember, caused a sensation: a reservist who had thrown -himself successively through a window, under a cart, and under a train. -He was hard to kill, that fellow! - -How set he was on doing away with himself! At the inquest, a letter -which had been discovered established the fact that the only motive for -this act had been ... fear. Yes, simply the stupid fear of going to -the front.... Poor wretch. What a fine funeral ovation they gave him. -Good-for-nothing, rotter, and funk were the mildest terms employed. If -he had accounted for a Bosche, his skin would have been of some use. - - * * * * * - -On the fourth day, Friday, the order arrived in the morning to assemble -for field-parade. - -Guillaumin was triumphant. - -"There now, you see! Didn't I tell you so? They're coming all -right--even to us!" - -The men were taking their valises. And what about us; no, we agreed not -to. - -We started off. A fig for marching at attention! That was not expected -of us. We followed the railway lines. A train was just passing, the -carriages decorated with flowers. Soldiers were laughing at the windows. - -The 104th Argentan. - -"Halloa, you chaps! Wait for us! We're going on foot to have a look at -the Bosches!" Judsi shouted. - -We halted farther on in a field by the roadside. Suddenly a whistle was -blown, and the word was passed round that the captain was there! - -In the twinkling of an eye we were formed up again and got into line as -well as might be. - -Delafosse, the first lieutenant, gave the order: - -"Present ... arms!" - -Captain Ribet rode up, mounted on a beautiful grey mare. He was a tall -spare man with a crisp moustache and very bright eyes. An ex-officer in -the regulars; we knew he had retired when quite young after having won -the _legion d'honneur_. - -He saluted, and without any preliminaries pointed imperiously at the -first section. - -"Skirmishing order," he shouted. - -We had about fifty yards to cover at a double. - -"Kneel!" - -We knelt down. - -"Advance!" - -We stood erect, and then immediately had to operate a change of front. -The words of command and evolutions followed each other in rapid and -varied succession. The captain gave the order and looked on coldly at -the execution of it without uttering a word. We all lacked enthusiasm -but it did not go badly, all the same. Our covering sergeants knew what -they were about, and Henriot slipped in the necessary explanations. I -acquitted myself passably in my thankless role of supernumerary. The -men charged and deployed, and then returned to their first formation, -their movements facilitated by their long experience in former days. -During the short intervals of respite, reflections were heard: - -"How's that for manoeuvres!" - -"We are having a dose." - -At last arms were piled and while the men amused themselves by pulling -out pipes or chunks of bread, the captain blew his whistle again. - -"The non-commissioned officers!" - -The first thing he did was to find fault with us. - -"Why haven't you got your valises?" - -The subaltern opened his mouth.... - -"That will do. We'll consider it as said!" - -He had a few words of praise for the way we drilled. - -"There was a little hesitation in the third though." - -"Among us! really!" - -He added a few commonplace remarks on our duties which played such an -important part in the field. We must prove the value of the material -entrusted to us. It was for us to make the most of it. - -Seizing the opportunity afforded by a brief silence, Playoust thought -he might ask him what the probable date of our departure would be.... -Sunday was talked of. - -"I am not here to answer questions, Sergeant!" - -He warned us that he would inspect us next morning at nine o'clock. - -"Service marching orders. Ready to leave. And mind you see that nothing -is missing!" - -He dismissed us with a salute. - -Directly we had got away Guillaumin exclaimed: - -"A queer fish that!" - -"You like him?" - -"Yes, I do. It's men like that that we want!" - -I protested. My impression of him, on the contrary was an unpleasant -one. Who did the man think he was, to treat us as little boys? - -When we got back into quarters, I made fun of the sudden zeal consuming -my comrades. The prospect of this inspection next day scared them. Each -one rushed off to put his men on their mettle. Guillaumin especially -was quite off his chump. I, for my part, contented myself with warning -my corporals that everything must be in order at the time fixed! I -should hold them responsible! - -That done, I did not worry any more! I spent the afternoon resting in -my hay-loft. - -The best of it was that I was sergeant of the day. I ought to have gone -and put myself at the disposition of the adjutant. Bah! He could do -without me, without the world coming to an end. - -My predecessor, Belloeil, had told me that I should have to take the -men who had been given orders the day before to the barracks on the -stroke of five o'clock. They would draw their pay there, and I should -countersign the register.... The list was handed over to me. They -watched for me at the exit, but I arranged to escape them; De Valpic -would take them to-morrow. - -One of them accosted me in the town; I snubbed him, and he went off -cursing and swearing. Guillaumin blamed me for it. - -"Poor fellow! Suppose he had some purchase to make!" - -"Oh rot! I'm doing him a good turn; he'll drink a drop less than usual, -that's all!" - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -AT THE GLOBE CAFE - - -We got there early. Nearly all the old "Peloton" lot were to meet there -that evening. The large room at the back had been put at our disposal. - -Punch was served to everyone. Toasts were drunk half as a rag. There -was a tap-room atmosphere. Everyone was in uproarious spirits--feverish -with the excitement of the departure which was so close at hand. A -school-master named Groningaire started off with a song--he had a good -voice--then some patriotic verses, while we sang the refrain in chorus. - -Miquel went to the piano. - -"Go it! Play us something!" - -He was known to be a performer. - -"What style do you want?" - -"Oh, anything! Improvise something!" - -"The 'Battle,' g-r-r-r-r-r and symphony!" - -There was a general laugh. He sat down on the music stool. - -"First part. Four o'clock in the morning." - -His fingers raced over the keys. A running accompaniment in the bass -suggested the army sleeping. A high note, the bugle call, suddenly -burst forth followed instantaneously by shouts, the stir of troops -awakening and moving to and fro, and the neighing of horses.... - -"Bravo!" - -Reminiscences no doubt of melodies he had composed or learnt. His rare -skill soldered them into a sort of pot-pourri, which was at the same -time both genial and burlesque. He jerked out the titles of motifs: -the start at dawn, the approach of the enemy, the deployment, then the -surprise of the first shots, the scattering, and the reply.... The -pianist's fancy multiplied and expanded, painting an extraordinary -picture. In the left hand, the cannon rumbled ceaselessly in hollow -tones. In the treble a frenzy of staccato notes crackled like a -fusillade. Between the two, smothered vociferations, and the trampling -of the combatants could be distinguished. To end up with there was the -charge, swelling harmonies, and a roar of glory and madness, throughout -which fragments of the famous "_La Goutte a boire!!!_" recurred -persistently. - -Miquel paused. There was a burst of applause. - -"Hush!" he said. "Wait for the day after...." - -He struck a minor chord, succeeded by two or three others, equally -lugubrious, a gloomy _arpeggio_ strengthened the impression of -mourning.... The day after! yes. There was a slight shudder. I -recognised Beethoven's _Funeral March_. - -"How idiotic! What are you playing that for?" - -Denais had got up, and was drawing his hand across his forehead. Then -embarrassed by our glances he forced a wry smile. - -"Rotting apart, it's not exactly cheerful!" - -A few backed him up. Others shrugged their shoulders. A discussion -began which degenerated into an uproar. Laraque took possession of -the piano and romped through a "tango" which was applauded. Miquel was -called upon again; but he refused point blank this time, and it was not -very long before he left, perhaps because he was offended. - -Then Guillaumin and I went to swell a group which had formed in a -corner, round Fortin, who was holding forth. - -A robust fellow, with an enormous forehead, and a clever, ugly face, he -was repeating the lessons he had just brought back from Germany where -he had been living for some time. His rich voice carried wonderfully, -supported by his energetic gestures. A frequenter of public meetings -and debating societies, one was tempted to forgive him if he was rather -inclined to like the sound of his own voice, because he spoke well. - -To begin with, however, I only half listened to him. He was enlarging -upon the industrial qualities of that race, their method, and patience, -and tenacity of purpose, their thoroughness in perfecting detail; on -their moral virtues too, from which the others sprang. - -This sort of thing had been overdone! However at such a time it -assumed a striking note of unexpectedness and daring. This Frenchman -obviously overflowed with sympathy, or at all events admiration for -the foe he was about to face.... And not one of us protested.... What -impartiality, I thought. Was it to our credit, or discredit? - -I now followed the speaker's arguments with interest. He occasionally -spoke so decidedly and precisely that I suspected him of dishing up -for our benefit certain passages already composed for the work he was -meditating. - -On the other hand one had the feeling that one was not the dupe of a -rhetorician. I was able when necessary to verify the exactitude of his -statements by my own recollections. - -Here he was sketching the portrait of the young German, steady and -strong, accustomed from his earliest childhood to long walks with -his pack on his back, his first attempts at warlike frolics, keen -on swimming, shooting, and gymnastics, more sporting in reality -than we were who had been won over to the rough games from over the -channel. They were chaste too and had no false shame about admitting -it; not exhausted, depraved, and indeed contaminated, as a result -of the stupid dissipation which we appear to think necessary for -our young men. I could see the companions of my excursions round -Iena again,--Otto Kraemer, merry, affectionate, and untiring--and so -virtuous--questioning me with an innocent smile, quite free of any -suspicion of envy, on the pleasures of Paris. - -Fortin showed us how war had become inevitable for these people. Since -they were suffocating at home! They were a prolific race; that was -their foremost merit. The necessity and also the capacity for expansion -in a country which in forty years doubles its population! There was the -fruitful young sap. To them belonged the future. - -We were listening, silent and engrossed, leaning on our elbows.... -Ladmiraut demanded some detail from time to time. He had pulled out his -note-book. Guillaumin, who was beside me, seemed to be the only one -who could not listen to this language without impatience; he strummed -nervously on the marble table-top. - -Fortin went on to say that over there it was the entire populace from -the Kaiser down to the last of the beggars, who dreamt of the greater -Germany.... The fateful hour had struck.... He reminded us of the -saying where the five sons of the German family came to demand a share -of his heritage from the only son of the French family. We certainly -had no luck in just happening to be the neighbours and thus the picked -adversaries of this terribly covetous race, and in holding so many -rich provinces that they meant to annex again in the name of ancient -traditions for the Germanic Empire! Any schoolboy coming from Germany -would tell you of their ambitions. To begin with they must have what -remained to us of Lorraine and Champagne and Flanders, they'd see about -Burgundy and the Franche-Comte, when the occasion arose! - -"Then you think we shall be beaten?" Guillaumin broke in harshly. - -It was like a cold douche, we looked at each other. Fortin shrugged his -broad shoulders. - -"I'll tell you one thing, I think, and that is that we're fighting in -a cause ... that is out of date. We no longer incarnate a great force -worthy of existence. Our day is nearly done. Just think how long we -have held the stage. Mark you, I do not say that our end will not be -glorious. We are an old fighting race, we shall do wonders, I think, -before succumbing. Nor do I say that our decline is not to be regretted -in the superior interests of civilisation...." - -"Then you see no hope of anything but decline and disappearance!" - -Guillaumin's face was kindled, his big nose shone, his hand was -clutching at a match stand. - -"Sss...! I say. Chuck it at his head!" whispered Holveck. - -Someone laughed, and there was a short relaxation. - -I did not take my eyes off Fortin, wondering whether he would accept -the challenge. - -And he actually did! He made up his mind to it. It was a thankless -task, he said, to go against all our prejudices and cherished -illusions. But still, if he was driven to it.... And perhaps it would -be better that we should realise what we were in for!... - -"Yes, start away then!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "Tell us what you think -and what you know!" - -What he knew? The other protested that he was not admitted to the -secrets of the gods, that he was lacking in the necessary technical -knowledge concerning military matters, but that what he feared from -certain reliable data, was the "_kolossal_" force--the word is -laughable, not the thing it stands for--of this horde of invaders about -to fall upon us. People in France reassured themselves by the aid -of simplex calculations. They summarily compared the figures of the -population, with the triumphant argument that the enemy must put so and -so many men on the Russian front.... As if there was not an immense -gulf fixed between the actual and the theoretical returns! As if it was -not the vitality of the races that would have the last word! Or again, -the total of Germany's effective forces was put at twenty-five corps -against our twenty-one corps! Only another way of throwing dust in our -eyes. Who suspected that on the two banks of the Rhine there were fifty -or sixty corps, already complete with their full complement, ready to -be set in motion at a sign and destined to be formed into twelve or -fifteen formidable armies. With them there was no waste of material; -each individual had his own appointed place, the technicians in the -factories; the smallest details were foreseen and provided for, the -most recent discoveries in every sphere, exploited. The troops were -young and sound, and their discipline was marvellous. Each soldier -had his map and compass. Their uniform was far and away the least -noticeable. Their equipment was faultless. Their heavy artillery unique -(it would be our most unpleasant surprise!). They had adopted quite -new principles for use in aerial warfare.... What more was there? The -best-regulated commissariat, propaganda among the neutrals, accomplices -among their adversaries.... And then the spy system. Ah, yes! the spy -system! - -"Oh, magnificent!" muttered Guillaumin. - -"I beg your pardon. As they wanted war, it was only right that they -should be as well prepared for it as possible. One can't help admiring -them for that!" - -Guillaumin, still unconvinced, sneered: - -"Oh, charming! There's nothing to be done then! And to-morrow a German -Europe!" - -Fortin having made a movement as if to say, "Why not?" a certain member -of us protested all the same: "Oh no! Anything but that. We would fight -for it! The triumph of brute force. Government by the sword (all the -old catch words), we couldn't stand that...." Laraque declared that -when we were beaten he should go to live in America. Ladmiraut asserted -pedantically that all attempts at universal sway were foredoomed to -failure. Napoleon was an example of it! - -Fortin retorted: - -"We exaggerate when we talk of tyranny.... There would be a certain -amount of rearranging to be got through. What these people want, is...." - -"To pick our pockets," cried Guillaumin. - -"Yes, to pick our pockets, and also...." - -Fortin let himself be carried away. Was it paradox or conviction? - -"Would you like to know what they want? Well, simply the reign of -reason, of their reason. To their physical need for conquest is added -this intellectual need. I think that in the case of a crushing victory -they would not be exacting, that they would content themselves with -re-organising and ordering the world to their ideas. The triumph of -'_Kultur_,' yes! Without doubt they would allow as many individual -liberties and indeed local constitutions, as possible, to subsist. -Their charter of empire is so convenient! The United States of Europe. -That is their avowed dream, often expressed by the Kaiser. Peace, yes, -but under the aegis of the Hohenzollern, chosen of God! An imposing -task to which they bring the fervour of apostles, which to-morrow, on -the battle-field will become the fanaticism of martyrs. The horror -of this contest does not dismay them, they consider it unavoidable. -There are two obstacles in their path; France in their eyes grown old -and debased; Russia that huge inorganic body, still in a state of -barbarism. Their idea was to humiliate both nations, with the object -of raising them up again later on while imbuing them with the moral -and intellectual virtues on which the Teuton prides himself. England -impedes them equally. This conflict too was fated. They despise the -English because they consider them too exclusively concerned with their -well-being, with their comfort; too material, shopkeepers, in fact! -They themselves pose as idealists and philosophers, but heirs to -the spiritualistic traditions, and regardful of the property, of the -integri----" - -"What about the violation of Belgium!" Guillaumin interrupted. - -"Oh, that! That does'nt count: _Das ist Krieg!_ It's only outside the -state of war that they flatter themselves that they're good, just, -sentimental, and gentle. It is impossible to deny that their ambition, -in the main, is generous; to put an end to the inferior period of -improvisation and disorder, and to instigate the reign of perfect -equilibrium--of happiness, that is!--among men." - -He paused: - -"And bear in mind that it must be admitted that no race has ever had a -better chance of success than they have at this moment!" - -Yes, Fortin showed us this prodigious result as being remote and still -hidden behind the veil of the future, but within reach--all Germany was -aware of it!--of the present generation or at all events of the next. -German Europe? But, except for the three powers in question, who were -to be overcome by force, was it not that already? - -He showed up, in a crude light, the important underground activities -of the exchequer and the cabinet; quite another side of the question. -Italy, our famous Latin sister, peremptorily wrested from the sphere -of French influence. Austria! With what supreme skill the rival -of yesterday had been converted into the intimate ally of to-day. -Turkey: simply a German colony, who, on the day prescribed, would -hurl all her weight into the balance. The Scandinavian countries, -Spain, Switzerland, Holland,--all pronounced Germanophils. It was a -real miracle that Belgium should have barred their way! The Church -instinctively approving two traditional Empires, full of spite and -distrust for a republic. And then the Balkans! Nothing but sad -surprises could be awaited, from Roumania, whose king, Carol, had -bound himself by treaty to the fortunes of the Central Powers; from -Bulgaria, whose just grievances were being exploited by the enemy; -from Greece who was retained in this orbit by her king, the Kaiser's -brother-in-law! A fine piece of work by the Wilhelmstrasse! Fortin -exhibited the play of this far-sighted and prudent diplomacy, which had -been weaving its web for so long, and peopling the European thrones -with German princes and queens for the last fifty years. - -There was no gainsaying it. This fellow, Fortin, was deucedly -interesting! We were all listening, down to the most rowdy group, who -had little by little stopped talking and come up. There were but few -protestations now. Foreheads, furrowed by wrinkles, were unconsciously -bowed in assent. - -But there was a sudden climax. A dry voice made itself heard behind us. -We turned round. A lieutenant was standing on the threshold of the room. - -"Your name! I want the speaker's name!" - -We were all stupefied. Fortin got up. - -"And 'stand at attention' first of all." - -The other explained the position. He was pale. - -"Your company?" - -"The seventeenth." - -"You're a despicable worm! You dare to speak in such a way! You, a -French non-commissioned officer! What would a German say or do? Get -back to your quarters at once. You'll hear from me later." - -The officer's voice was trembling. Fortin did not reply. Liberty was -dead! He took down his belt which was hanging on a hook, shook the few -hands held out to him, then saluted and left the room. - -What a douche! A dismayed silence reigned for a few minutes. At last we -left the place, but even outside we hardly spoke. - -"Lieutenant Coudray, wasn't it?" - -"There's no knowing where this may end...." - -"Court-martial!" - -Ladmiraut unburdened himself. - -"Just what I said; Fortin exaggerates." - -"Exactly!" - -Everyone agreed that it was bound to happen. - -It seemed to me that our voices were lowered. Did we mistrust each -other? Really, the unexpected appearance of this officer!... Someone -must have gone to warn him.... These were nice times, certainly! - -We separated, and Guillaumin took me home as usual. - -"I don't wish him any ill," he said, "but you must confess that he was -asking for it!" - -"Who? Fortin?" - -"Yes." - -"Why?" - -"Oh, look here! He said enough to make one jump through the ceiling. -No, but can you see the Bosches calmly laying hands on Champagne and -Flanders!" - -I was still suffering from the effects of the irritation and -humiliation aroused in me by the intervention of the Lieutenant. I -could hear his cutting voice. Some rotter or other! But there was -nothing to be done, but to bow before his superior rank. - -It must be added that I had come under the depressing influence.... -What a hit it was at my illusions, at our groundless self-confidence! -To go and get killed for a cause we knew was already lost. Oh, it -really was the limit! - -A cold rage filled me. I vented it on poor Guillaumin to begin with. -He was on the point of returning to the subject of his Champagne and -his Flanders.... One would have thought they belonged to him and that -someone wanted to pick his pocket of them! - -None of that! I shut him up, and told him what an ass I thought him. -The dull resentment which had been heaped up in me by these first days -of subjection, rose up from the depths of my being. And I did not stop -at that; my egoism and the anarchism of my bad days rebelled. - -I suddenly announced that I hoped the socialistic agitations would come -to something. - -"What agitations?" Guillaumin asked. - -"Oh!" I said. "They were keeping quiet on the subject, by order! but -they existed, could not help existing in spite of certain recantations. -Would they smother the peoples' poignant cry for peace at any price, -much longer? War on the War!" Following up the bold refrain, I asserted -that I should like to see the workmen who had been called up, fire -their first shots at the instigators of the catastrophe, all these -statesmen, generals, and financiers of both countries, who were driving -two peaceful nations to the slaughter! As if all the political and -economic interests in the world were worth this massacre of innocents! - -I went further--or lower. I blush when I remember to what degrading -lengths I allowed myself to go. If our neighbours were really so -passionately anxious for the expansion of their "_Kultur_" as Fortin -had said they were, did he, Guillaumin, know what remained to be done? -Simply fold our arms and wait for them. They would not devour us, -or at least not all of us! We should be invaded? And then? Annexed? -What a misfortune that would be to be sure! There would be no more -France? Well, if she had to disappear, why not to-morrow, just as well -as in a hundred years!... All these tales of separate races, and of -native lands were simply the patter of disastrous phrase-makers.... -Let all those who believed them go and get killed for them. There -could be nothing more just! To the frontier with the enthusiasts, the -convinced--the imbeciles--who could not bear the idea of changing their -names. But as for us, for me, who did not care a blow about it all...! - -"Talk away!" said Guillaumin. - -"What?" - -"You won't take me in!" - -"How do you mean?" - -"You want to get a rise out of me!" - -"I?" - -"You'll fight as well as the best of them!" - -"Well, what will that prove?" - -He did not answer me. There was no need. I was at a loss for words. I -was pinked. - -Recall to reality. The time was past for weighing the reasons for and -against. The philosophic juggling. The superior sphere of action, -offered itself, nay imposed itself upon us.... Fortin, Guillaumin, I -myself; we were all in uniform, we were going to fight.... Then there -was only one thing to be done, to strain our muscles and our soul, to -stake our fate on hope and on faith in our cause. What folly to be -both judge and suitor. What grandeur in belief, even when absurd! - -If only I had been sure that I should fight as well as he said I -should! - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -CAVILLINGS - - -As it was my day on duty it fell to me to march the men who had -reported sick to the M.O. that morning. - -I should have liked to have time to cast an eye over my men's equipment -before the captain came to take kit inspection. My mind was not -entirely at ease on the subject, when, in passing, I had asked Corporal -Bouguet if he thought it would go all right, he had curtly replied that -he couldn't see everything, he hadn't got eyes all over his head. - -Sick parade naturally promised to take longer than usual. Captain Ribet -had made searching enquiries the day before and consulted the sick -lists. He had told of about twenty weaklings to report themselves to -the chief Medical Officer. I had not been surprised to catch sight of -De Valpic's name on the list which I had been told to hand over. - -Surgeon-major Bouchut, a stout, apoplectic-looking man, arrived in -a state of perspiration, and swearing hard began to sound the men's -hearts and lungs. He was not very ferocious to-day. He must have had -instructions to strike out the good-for-nothings. Whenever it was a -case of enteritis, rheumatism, or bronchitis he jerked out at me: - -"Oh, he'd better stay at the depot!" - -Then, turning to the man, he would growl: - -"You'll have to stay behind my lad!" - -A well-set-up fellow out of my section came and announced: - -"I'm an old trooper, I am!" - -"Well, what about it?" - -"And so I shan't march." - -"Oh, you think so, do you?" - -"I never have marched." - -"A good opportunity to learn!" - -"It's on account of a slight rupture...." - -"Let's have a look!" - -Bouchut felt his groin. - -"You wear a truss, do you?" - -"Yes, sir-r!" - -"In that case you can walk round the world!" - -"But...." - -"Off with you! Brr! Next man now!" - -The next one on the list was De Valpic. I considered his thin body with -all the ribs showing. - -"What's the matter with you?" Bouchut asked. - -"Nothing much, sir, but the captain told me to...." - -Bouchut bent down over him: - -"Take a deep breath...." - -Just then a hubbub arose, an orderly was slating a man who had just -upset the bottle containing the tincture of iodine. - -"Can't you keep quiet, confound you!" - -But Bouchut's attention was again distracted by the arrival of a -surgeon-lieutenant. They gossiped for a moment and then returning at -last to De Valpic, he said: - -"Then you don't cough at all?" - -"Hardly at all, sir." - -"Do you want to go to the front?" - -"Certainly, sir." - -"Very well, then. Must not be overdone," he dictated to me. - -The examination came to an end. When I went out I came across the man -with the rupture again. He was cursing and swearing! "Well, if that -wasn't a shame! To make an old dragoon, with an illness like that, -walk! They were a set of bullies, that's what they were!..." But he'd -be even with them yet! He knew a thing or two. The first time they were -under fire, he would stagger, and let himself fall. But first, he was -going to write to Sembat, who was a pal of his. - -"Switch off Loriot!" somebody warned him. "Here come the N.C.O.'s!" - -I wondered whether I should pack him off to the defaulters' room.... -Perhaps it would raise my prestige, but I let the opportunity slip by, -and finally decided to have heard nothing. - -Guillaumin came up to me. He was bringing the letters from the barracks -and good-naturedly drew my attention to the fact that I was the one -who ought to have gone to fetch them. He agreed in addition to be -responsible for their distribution. He was rummaging in his pockets. - -"There's a post card for you." - -A post card really! I was not expecting anything. A few lines from my -father and a note from Laquarriere, in answer to one I had written him, -was all I had received since the beginning. - -I looked at the post mark; illegible. I did not recognise the -handwriting, it was feminine. I turned to the signature: "Jeannine!" - -The little Landry girl! - -What does she think of it all? I wondered, amused. She, who would not -hear of war! I remembered our trifling on that railway platform.... -What a short time ago it was ... and yet it seemed so long. She -had written very closely. I noted her graceful attempt to write me -something beyond the usual commonplace remarks. She gave a short -description of their railway journey. On hearing the great news, they -had gone to Geneva (a reassuring atmosphere), and on to Paris the day -after. Since then they had settled down again as well as might be, -and without a maid, at St. Mande. But what about me? I was far more -interesting! In barracks, no doubt? Or perhaps already on my way to the -front? They were counting on my being able to let ... friends, know how -I was getting on. The card ended with these words, "We think of you a -great deal." - -I re-read it; I was touched. I would certainly answer this delightful -girl very soon! I should have liked to do so at once; but a stupid -feeling of bashfulness forbade my seeming in too much of a hurry. - - * * * * * - -We assembled for the inspection. The men came on to parade, one by -one, staggering under their packs, which were continually slipping and -having to be hoisted up again, with a jerk of their shoulders. All at -once they realised that the inspection was not a mere matter of form. -Beginning with the first platoon the captain stopped in front of each -man. - -Guillaumin whispered to me: - -"His eyes are skinned right enough." - -Corporal Bouguet continued to look at me sourly. Donnadieu, -sandy-haired and stolid, when I questioned him, shook his head, and did -not seem to want to be answerable for anything either. - -We had half-an-hour's wait, which was distinctly unnerving. Our turn -came at last. - -Bouguet was examined first and passed as impeccable. Thank Heaven! And -his neighbour, Simeon, too. I was beginning to breathe more freely. The -captain escorted by the company quartermaster-sergeant stopped in front -of Paquette, a villager with a blank expression. - -"Take off your valise. That's right! Now open it. Let's see your -housewife ... and the inside...." - -The man cautiously emptied the contents, consisting of three old -buttons and some rusty pins, into his hand. - -"No needles? Or thread?" - -"We haven't been given any, sir." - -"What's this? They were given out yesterday. What's the meaning of -this, sergeant?" - -"That's right, sir!" I said. - -The captain raised his voice. - -"Hands up! in the 11th and 12th those who've got no needles or thread." - -Three or four arms, then seven, eight, ten, were raised. - -"Extremely important! Tears are not rare occurrences in the field, nor -are burst buttons. And if you've nothing to mend them with! A pair of -trousers which won't keep up, means a man out of action!" - -He went on to the next man, Judsi! - -"Got your body belt?" - -Judsi shook his head grotesquely. - -"Don't wear one, sir!" - -"Did you draw one?" - -"Yes, sir!" - -"What's become of it?" - -Judsi made a movement expressive of ignorance. - -"Someone probably nabbed it, sir! Seein' as I don't wear one." - -The captain turned to me. - -"So, you don't see to all this?" - -I protested that I had told him.... - -"Told him! Told him!... You see the result! When you have ten or -fifteen men down with dysentery...!" - -He went on to the next. It was done on purpose. Here, a shoulder strap -had come unsewn, there one or two buttons missing, this kepi had no -chin-strap, that bayonet was rusty, a certain rifle was not properly -cleaned. Where was the lantern belonging to No. 11 half-section? And -the camp gear! It was quite clear that it had been badly distributed. -The captain dropped straight on to the weak spot and emphasised it -coldly. - -When the non-commissioned officers were collected afterwards, he gave -vent to his feelings. - -"It's lucky we're not going off this evening! That would be a nice -state of affairs! No. 3 platoon is a positive disgrace! I am speaking -of section No. 2! Sergeant Dreher, at one o'clock I shall inspect your -half-sections and I can assure you that if anything goes wrong this -time!" He twirled his long moustache. I was frightfully annoyed. What -irritated me above everything was the ironical satisfaction shown by -several of my fellow N.C.O.'s; I tried to excuse myself. - -"It was my day on duty, sir!" - -But Ravelli interrupted: - -"Oh, it was you, was it? I wondered who it could be.... You never -turned up." - - * * * * * - -I was filled with a wild desire to fall upon my corporals, but Bouguet -was waiting for me, bristling with rage. Ready to bite his head off I -turned upon Donnadieu, who put on a vexed, sheepish expression. - -I swore at the men roundly, in the approved N.C.O. style. Did they -think they could snap their fingers at me? Getting me cursed like that! -So they weren't even capable of appearing in service marching order? So -jolly difficult, wasn't it? - -"Such humbug from a blooming plug!" Judsi muttered. - -I told them about the supplementary inspection, and moderated my tone -in view of their obvious bad temper. - -"Come along, let's look alive. Everyone must do his bit!" - -Cook-house door had gone. Lamalou exclaimed: - -"Arf a mo'. Carn't work on an empty belly." - -A long hour elapsed before any one deigned to start work again and -even then they did not put their backs into it. I was horrified at the -number of dirty mess-tins and water-bottles, of uncleaned boots, and -above all, of the fittings missing; sets of "pull throughs" had to be -complete in groups of four! Stores orders must be got and signed by the -company sergeant-major, and the things drawn ... and the time was being -frittered away in dawdling and gossiping. I think the knaves did it on -purpose. My remarks all fell on deaf ears, whatever tone I adopted--I -tried them all! I felt a sort of jeering hostility rising against me -which infuriated me, though I did not let them see it. - -Bouillon luckily lent a hand. Having once had the rank of corporal, he -still retained a certain hold over his comrades. - -He laid himself out and was here, there, and everywhere, lavishing -rebukes and fisticuffs. - -When Captain Ribet reappeared at the time arranged everything went -well. The inspection was even more minute than it had been in the -morning, but this time he found only a few infinitesimal details to -criticise. - -When he left he said to me: - -"Aren't you more satisfied?" - -I did not answer, but met his remark with the regulation coldness. - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -SUSPICIONS OF EMOTION - - -The presentation of the Colours was announced for three o'clock. We -would willingly have dispensed with climbing up to the parade-ground! -Goodness knows I was not looking forward to the ceremony. - -Our company was the last to arrive. A major wearing an eye-glass, urged -his horse past us. He was an insolent, bloated-looking creature, with a -sallow complexion, and greeted our company officer with a bitter-sweet -remark which the latter, to my delight, acknowledged in the same tone. - -The colonel appeared. He was quite white, although still young, a -cavalier of imperious bearing. With his manly face and his moustache he -reminded one strongly of "Dumeny" in _La Flambee_. - -He rode slowly up and down among our ranks. Chests were thrown out at -his approach. He made a few remarks in a firm but kindly tone. Then the -order was given to the two battalions to close up into a semi-circle. - -Controlling his mount, the colonel looked round on us proudly, and -began to harangue us. - -I listened. I had come in a sarcastic frame of mind. What could he say -that would not be stale or commonplace? - -Indeed I had foreseen this issue of ready-made phrases on the decisive -importance of the struggle upon which we were embarking; it was a -question of safeguarding our country and our lives against a nation -which was becoming a menace to the human race.... But the inflections -of a manly voice conferred a certain grandeur on the hackneyed theme. - -"A fine actor," I repeated to myself. "More and more like Dumeny!" - -I tried, like this, to avoid being carried away, then I began to -give in. I admitted that a certain beauty resulted from the perfect -harmony between his words and their object. I read in the men's face -the revelation of a virtue, until now unknown even to them. For the -first time I had the intuition that these peasants and working-men and -_bourgeois_, for the most part doltish, narrow-minded beings, would, if -certain chords in them were touched, be capable of great things.... - -And what about me? Oh! I should be an on-looker as usual! That would be -quite enough for me. - -The colonel concluded: - -"Now, my friends, you are about to march past your Colours. They are -new, they have not been under fire, they do not bear the names of -glorious victories in their folds like their seniors of the 1st.... -Well, it is for us to dower them." - -A thrill ran through the ranks, then the whole mass stood like stone. -The bugles sounded the vehement, tragic call which always shakes me -physically. - -We marched rapidly in column of fours up towards the bugles which -called and guided us with their heroic flourish. I suddenly wished -I could shed my egoism and vibrate in unison with the two thousand -men, who, in this hour, were being consecrated my brothers in arms. -I flogged my imagination. The Colours. The word echoed within me, -awakening a procession of sacred memories and emotions. I could see -myself as a child at the window with my mother leaning over me, -clapping my hands to salute the standard of the "8th Cuirassiers" in -front of which rode my father, very upright on his big black horse. -At that time I used to revel in the many tales of heroes who let -themselves be killed rather than abandon the staff, or expended a -prodigious amount of cunning in order to save the remnants of it. - -Were not these Colours the emblem of the country we had risen to -defend, the symbol of everything that could raise our soldiers' hearts? -My bosom swelled at these thoughts. We were drawing nearer to it; I -fixed ardent eyes on it.... - -It was certainly beautiful, half unfurled in the breeze, with its rich -fresh tints and fringe of gold. A sub-lieutenant, looking very pale and -proud, was holding it firmly against his hip. - -The din of the bugles increased, filling our hearts.... We passed by.... - -And yet no! No! My ... irreverence rebelled. To become excited over -this tinsel, these few yards of painted stuff! Had I hoped for this -thing? I had not yet got so far! - - * * * * * - -Our last evening--strict confinement to barracks. - -I had retired to my hay-loft. I leant my elbows on the window-sill -overlooking the garden. - -I was surprised to hear the murmur of voices below me. I leant out and -saw a couple there. - -When I recognised little Fremont and his wife, sitting side by side -on a stone bench, my first feeling was one of vague impatience. The -separation of husband and wife! A touching subject for the pen! - -How had they managed to slip in there? A chance word which reached my -ears explained it. The principal's wife had had pity on them and had -given them the key. The little wife had contrived that; she had not -been able to bear the idea of being deprived of her Marcel on the last -evening. - -I considered her sardonically. "Let's have a look at this woman in -love!" - -I have already said what my opinion of her was. I never thought I -should change it. This evening, however, though her features were -already merging with the growing twilight, it seemed to me that her -face shone with a rarer radiance. Was it her love that transfigured -this child? - -She had taken off her hat and was leaning her brown head on her -husband's shoulder, while he held her close, his arm round her waist. -Their foreheads and eyes and lips caressed each other. They were -talking below their breath. No other sound but the rustle of the wind -disturbed the deep silence. - -I was indiscreet enough to play the eavesdropper. - -She was the one who spoke the most, in little, plaintive, tender -phrases, like the twittering of birds. I could only follow the general -trend of her remarks, but it was enough for me to see that she was not -bemoaning herself lest she should rob him of his courage. She only -dwelt in retrospect on the happy weeks they had spent together. Many -injunctions followed. They would be sure to write to each other every -day, and think of each other all the while. - -I found it easier to catch his grave, reassuring replies. The tone -of his voice baffled me. Here was Fremont, the retiring little man, -with shy manners, who liked to keep in the background and always asked -advice, appearing in the role of comforter! His protecting fondness -enfolded his beloved. - -I continued to lean out above them, my elbows on the stone window-sill, -my hands joined. My malevolence gradually subsided. - -That this was merely the repetition of a scene which had been enacted -all through the ages, no longer seemed to me a sufficient reason to -smile at it. On the contrary, I was stirred by the thought of the -eternal chain of loves and partings. - -Night had fallen. The trees in the orchard seemed so many phantoms. Not -a light to be seen. Some birds flew silently across the night air. I -could hardly distinguish the two lovers now, but it seemed to me that -their lips had sought and found each other. There was silence for a -short space. Then a sentence was breathed softly. A voice trembled into -tears. I gathered from certain allusions that she was afraid, though -she did not say so, that he might never see their little child. - -Sitting there motionless, I dedicated my pitying sympathy to them and -thought how few men there were among all the thousands I had seen -marching past this afternoon, who were not leaving some woman at home, -wife or lover, and some child of their flesh.... Poor souls! How -terrible their grief must be! I ought to have congratulated myself -on the fact that I was leaving nothing behind me. Why did I now so -poignantly regret my solitude; did I envy the farewells uttered amid -tears and the sealing of vows? - -There was a noise behind me: Guillaumin. I left the window, an -instinctive delicacy of feeling prevented me from drawing his -attention to the presence of the couple in the garden. - -We went down into the yard again. My companion was in tremendous form. -He held forth on a hundred and one subjects, and I agreed with him -absent-mindedly. My thoughts were wandering capriciously. I thought -of my brother Victor for whose safe return someone was praying.... A -strange insistent idea kept recurring to my mind, of writing to the -girl who had thought of me yesterday. - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -A RETURN OF EGOISM - - -The last distribution of stores had just taken place--biscuits, -haversack rations, and iron rations. Cartridges too, fifteen packets a -head; a pretty tough load, in addition to everything else. A lot of men -were grousing about where they should put them. - -The worst of it was that there was some surplus. The company commander -who was passing said: - -"You're not going to leave those behind, mind!" - -I took two extra packets, and Guillaumin four. He remarked: - -"This is the most necessary part of your equipment, you chaps, don't -you make any mistake about that!" - -He had few imitators. Playoust, who was prowling round, jeered. - -"For the Bosches? But my dear fellow you won't see any for six weeks!" - -It was not at all encouraging. Lamalou happened to turn up, and as an -old stager, at once exclaimed: - -"Shove one along, and let's 'ave a look!" - -He had formerly been in one of the flying columns in Morocco where the -replenishment of ammunition was a difficulty. Guillaumin threw him a -packet. - -"Catch!" - -The other caught it in mid air, then another, and another, five, ten, -fifteen. That doubled his load and he went on shouting. - -"Another! And another! Just to make 'em dance!" - -His example was decisive. Five minutes later there was nothing left of -the heap. - -"The creature knows how to make himself useful!" I thought. It was a -pity he drank so much! He had just got into new and serious trouble. A -scandal in a pub, as usual--the officer on rounds had reported him--he -had been imprisoned--and the company sergeant-major was innocently -congratulating himself upon having got rid of him! - -But the captain got him out, and made a point of having a -heart-to-heart talk with him. What could he have threatened him with? -With leaving him at the depot I think. The other had to promise to be -good, he reappeared triumphant. - -"A regular brick, the Captain." - -Ravelli could not get over it. - - * * * * * - -At two o'clock I began to get ready; we were to start at four. I was -fully equipped; nothing was missing. My pockets were stuffed with the -endless little necessaries for which there was no room elsewhere: -tooth-brush, medicine-case, string, pocket-knife, lighter, electric -torch. Bouillon had conscientiously tidied me up and cleaned my -equipment. In consideration of what I owed him, I had tipped him ten -francs. He hesitated. It was a large sum! I insisted upon his taking -it. I did not like being indebted to people. - -I was alone in our room. I had just slipped my swollen pack over my -shoulder. My water-bottle was lying on a shelf above me. I reached out -my hand to take it. Ugh! it slipped out of my hand, and fell on to the -tiles. - -Damn--oh, damn. Supposing it leaked! - -I ran to a tap and began to fill it. - -Yes, there was no doubt about it. It was done for! - -I was in despair. Nothing worse could have happened to me. I knew the -incomparable value of a few drops of moisture at critical moments. -When you are exhausted and choked by the sun and the dust, there is -nothing like a drop of water on a piece of sugar, or a thimbleful of -rum to revive you. And on a route march too you are sustained by the -mere thought that you are carrying with you this source of refreshment. -And I who had taken such care, and was so pleased at having this clean -well-corked water-bottle.... What odiously bad luck! My whole campaign -seemed to me to be poisoned by it.... - -Bouillon arrived on the scene. Directly I had told him, distractedly, -of my misfortune. - -"Good heavens!" he said, "that it should 'appen just now! It's far too -late to get it soldered!" - -I sighed. He looked round the room. - -"W'y not sneak one?" - -As I shrugged my shoulders. He continued: - -"I'll undertake the job if yer like?" - -"But how?" - -"Oh, I'll get one from someone or other." - -"You mustn't touch Guillaumin's things, mind." - -"No, 'e's in the section. Wot abaht this one?" - -"De Valpic's?" - -"All right! Wait a minute!" - -"But I say, he...?" - -I hesitated. - -"He would notice it! The cases are marked, look...." - -"Don't you go an' worry yerself abaht that now! You've only got to -change them! You go an' keep an eye on the door...." - -I went and watched the corridor. I was consumed by a lively remorse. -But what did it matter! Each one must fend for himself! He would have -to get out of the difficulty as best he could. After all there was -nothing more usual in the regiment than these sly thefts. Why, someone -had relieved me of one of my brushes only the day before yesterday! I -blamed myself for my horrible selfishness, but I had practised it for -so long. The opportunity was too tempting! Anything rather than to -suffer, hour after hour, from thirst or the fear of thirst! And did I -not promise myself--hypocrite that I was--to share my ration of water -with the comrade I had despoiled? - -In the twinkling of an eye Bouillon had dexterously drawn the two -bottles out of their cloth cases, and effected the exchange. - -"Nobody will ever be any the wiser!" - -De Valpic came in soon after and noticed nothing. - - * * * * * - -I can hear the whistle. Quick march! We shook ourselves.... That was a -never-to-be-forgotten moment. - -I was in the rear of the section. I considered our column; expressions -and attitudes at that moment imprinted themselves on my memory. Fifteen -yards in front at the head of the section Guillaumin was marching -along with his usual swing. I ran an eye over my half-sections. Here -were Gaudereaux and Trichet; there was Judsi, the buffoon, giving an -imitation of the goose step; Lamalou with his kepi _a la_ Knut. Loriot, -the man with the rupture, gloomy and already dragging his leg along -affectedly; my corporals, Donnadieu, a little pale, sandy-haired man -gripping the butt of his rifle convulsively. Bouguet, extremely fit, -turning round to see that all his men were there. - -It gave one the impression of a holiday parade. I have mentioned the -windows decorated with bunting, the men's rifles and packs too were -ornamented with little flags. And the flowers! In one section, Trichet, -who was a gardener by trade, had procured great bundles of them. They -had been distributed among the different half-sections. The other -sergeants had been given roses or dahlias by their men. I had been -forgotten, and when Bouillon, who was annoyed about it, had brought me -some geraniums just as we were starting, I refused them with thanks! -Quite unnecessary! I alone was clear-headed. You would have thought -that I alone knew to what a sinister revel we were hastening. - -Left! Right! We were all marching at the same pace, towards our -mysterious destiny. For how many of us had Fate signed the order -of arrest! I tried to pick out the first victims. Was it that -block-head--Henry, I think, they called him--who would be picked up in -a fortnight's time, with his leg or head torn off? A big dark fellow -was laughing, showing his teeth in a huge guffaw. I mentally put him -down as not being one of those who would come back. This ghastly game -fascinated me. - -On getting to the main street we halted for a time and waited to take -our place in the regiment. The bugles passed by. - - Sol mi: Sol do! - La classe s'en va! - -Then we followed the stream. - -A line had formed three-deep along each pavement. All F----, all the -neighbouring country was crowded there. Our departure effected the -country even more than that of the regulars. These men from twenty-five -to thirty years old were the married youth, who had taken root and -founded a family. Drawn up in the doorways, or leaning from the -windows, women and children, with all their heart, were shouting: - -"Long live the 3rd...!" - -A territorial called out: - -"Halloa boys? We're coming on the day after to-morrow!" - -"Hm! At a safe distance!" Judsi retorted gaily. - -The men waved and smiled at their relations and friends who had come -up, but nothing further; there was no chance of hanging behind, or -falling out. Even Judsi soon gave up his tomfoolery; each one felt -instinctively that a brave bearing would influence the people's -confidence. - -The clamour round us continued to increase: - -"Long live France! Long live the 3rd...." - -The distant voice of the bugles only reached us in snatches now, but -we marched in step all the same. The collective excitement went to my -head. I marched with my eye fixed in front of me, my rifle glued to my -shoulder, a soldier among these soldiers. - -When we got into the Avenue de la Gare, I caught sight of De Valpic, -guide to the 2nd section. He had half-turned round, and was leaning -to one side, with an anxious expression. I suddenly thought of his -water-bottle, filled just as we were leaving. Drops must be trickling -from it now at every step. - -I was ashamed of myself. I despised myself. If I did not go quite as -far as to vow to make amends for this villainy--and how I should have -set about it I do not know--at least I swore that it should be my last; -yes, the very last. - -I was going to be born anew, and quite different. My heart was beating -more warmly. Carried away by the rapidity of the pace, uplifted by -the untiring acclamations of the crowd, it seemed to me that I was -out-distancing the man I had been. - - - - -PART II - - - - -_BOOK IV_ - -_August 9th-12th_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -UNDER WAY - - -The bugle sounded. We might get out. - -Versailles. How these platforms swarmed! Ten convoys, like ours, with -their carriages decorated in the same way with flags and branches -of green leaves, scribbled over with harmless inscriptions and -caricatures, had turned out, topsyturvy, this crowd of soldiers in -chequered uniforms. The hubbub was tremendous. Everyone seemed in the -best of spirits. There were flowers in every cap. We were forbidden to -go far. As a matter of fact, no one thought of such a thing, we had -to take care not to lose our company, and section. We hardly ventured -as far as the fountains of drinking water. Having awaited my turn for -it, I went up just after Judsi. I actually felt inclined to smack him -on the back, he was so tantalising with his trick of drinking with his -lips glued to the tap. - -Guillaumin told me when I joined him that the halt was to last for -an hour. We might take a turn! We amused ourselves for a moment, by -watching some horses being entrained--by no means an easy job. They -were hoisting them in with slings. Their place of export was marked -"Remount depot Saint-Lo." Guillaumin nudged me with his elbow. - -"Some concentration, what!" - -It was true. All the Brittany lines, most of those from Normandy and -Atlantic coast, converged there, bringing with them the blood of a -third, or almost a third, of France. - -We got back into the train. Evening was coming on. Guillaumin and I -were to keep order in the truck; forty men in our charge. To begin with -everyone had submitted to the restrictions concerning the arrangement -of packs and rifles. Now the confusion began. A lot of them had got -hold of their packs again to make a pillow, and most of them began to -shed their equipment. - -Lamalou set about moving the seats. I interfered. He began to argue -about it. Guillaumin had to join in, and Bouillon too. - -We started off again. Were we going to skirt Paris on the north or the -south? We soon found out. The train approached the gradient at Buc. We -watched in vain for some aeroplanes. Judsi exclaimed: - -"Wot are you thinkin' of! They've all gone orf to Berlin!" - -There were brief stops at small stations. The same scene was repeated -every time: idlers crowding up to the railings to cheer us and we -replying with shouts of "Death to the Bosches!" "Down with the Kaiser!" -solely out of politeness, in order not to disappoint all these people -who had waited so long. There was no longer the frank enthusiasm there -had been just now on leaving F----. The men were getting tired. The -Red Cross members who distributed chocolate, fruit, and post-cards -in profusion were no longer hailed with the same delight. Loriot and -Lamalou ended by grumbling because they were so stingy with the wine. - -The night fell, and with it what was left of cheerfulness. Judsi was -the last to give in. He picked out well-known airs and set new words -to them, ineffable drivel, beyond all description, and probably of his -own composition. The coarsest sallies still raised a few laughs. These -echoes of an inane merriment were becoming quite unbearable. - -I thought of shutting the men up altogether. Guillaumin dissuaded me -from doing so: - -"Take care you don't get yourself disliked!" - -It was getting dark. Corporal Donnadieu lit the section lantern. Where -was it to be hung? To that hook in the middle of the ceiling. It swung -backwards and forwards giving a flickering light. - -Everyone was making preparations now, for going to sleep. A small -number occupied the seats, the rest were stretched on the floor. They -formed tangled groups in the shadows. Good-humoured elbow digs and -expostulations were exchanged. - -Guillaumin had lain down beside me, with his own head on his pack, -and that of one of his corporals fitted between his knees. He became -expansive and exclaimed: - -"How's this for up-to-date comfort!" - -It was a stifling evening. I was hot and uncomfortable, as I had -not even had the courage to undo my belt. We had had a cold supper. -The smell of cheese and sausage still hung about. It was the first -taste of the promiscuousness. As long as the two doors were open, the -atmosphere was breathable. But here was Bouguet, who had just lain -down, shouting: - -"What do you say to shutting the door. There's a beastly draught." - -Some coarse aside of Judsi's raised roars of merriment. - -Lamalou sat up. - -"Let's shut the door." - -I shouted from the end of the carriage: - -"Steady on! You must leave room for a little air to get in!" - -Lamalou took no notice. - -"Didn't you hear?" asked Bouillon. "The sergeant's orders were to leave -it open!" - -Bouguet objected. - -"Do you want us all to catch our death of cold, sergeant? Besides it's -the rule that doors must be kept shut at night." - -Guillaumin raised himself, and whispered to me: - -"The chap's quite right, you know!" - -"How's that?" - -"The _poilus_ will roll off into the scenery when they go to sleep." - -This prospect was disquieting. I said no more, but let them do as they -liked. A minute afterwards I complained of the stuffiness. - -"Why not have the ventilator opened?" Guillaumin suggested. - -"What ventilator?" - -He was obliging enough to get up and feel about to find the bolt. The -shutter slid along in the groove. A scrap of sky showed through, and -some fleecy clouds shining in the moonlight. I announced that I should -like to spend my night at the window. - -"Are you quite off your chump? Try to have a snooze!" - -"I'm not sleepy." - -I groped along avoiding the slumberers and reached the seat near the -wall. I succeeded in pulling myself up, and leaning my elbows on the -opening, I breathed in the delicious night air. - -Our convoy was crawling along at a monotonous pace, through the -darkness. It seemed of an immoderate length, dark from end to end, -except in the centre, where the light from the officer's saloon shone -on the ballast. By leaning out while we went round the curves I could -make out the fire in the engine, a curtain of purple, with fantastic -shadows moving against it. Our whistle often blew, and others answered -stridently from the distance. The regular clank of the wheels on the -rails was audible, and a minute red dot could sometimes be seen at the -end of a straight piece of line--the tail light of the train ahead of -us. - -There were thousands of fleecy clouds scattered over the sky, all lit -up on the same side by the pale rays of the moon. We were leaving -the Vallee de la Bievre. The surrounding country was growing flat. A -far-spreading horizon soon became visible beyond the open fields. Then -the radiance of Paris rose into sight. - -It was impossible to mistake it for the translucent band of a -mysterious, tender blue which still lingered in the west. It resembled -rather the afterglow of a sunrise or of a huge fire. The silhouettes -of houses and trees stood out in the foreground like Chinese shadows -against the glowing distance. - -The City of Light! I revelled in the vision and the symbol, both -equally imposing. What a part this city had played in history! How -feverishly she throbbed to-day. I blamed myself for having failed to -take advantage of the magnificent opportunity which had been within -my reach the other day. Ought I not, with more fellow-feeling and -enthusiasm, to have mixed with the crowd, and roamed day and night in -search of the secret of Paris, which was also the secret of France! I -remembered the boulevards brilliant in their multi-coloured lights, the -crowd crushing against the windows of the big daily papers.... - -Fresh news would be appearing on the tapes at this hour. What would -it be? We had not been able to get a paper all day, but a persistent -rumour had reached us: "Mulhouse!" ... - -Was it a prelude to victory? Was Paris illuminated? Perhaps.... -But what if it were one of those ephemeral successes? What evil -presentiment enslaved me? Was I still under Fortin's influence? (Fortin -who was never mentioned now except in a whisper. We knew he was -confined to his cell: awaiting trial by Court Martial.) - -Paris! Why should I dream of defeat? Paris, our head and our heart! -Paris as hostage! As martyr perhaps! I pictured the horde of Barbarians -pitching their tents in the country we were slipping through, turning -their guns on to the glittering capital. Where would their fury end? -What would be left of these buildings, this glory, which seemed -destined for immortality? These were gloomy visions. Sick at heart, I -longed with more ardour than I had lately longed for anything on earth, -for the miraculous miscarriage of this probability. - -If there was one thing at which I was astonished, it was at not finding -most of my companions at the ventilators like myself. To send Paris -a last greeting! They must all, or nearly all, be feeling that all -they counted dear, was shut up within those walls. I who had no one -there--nor anywhere else either for that matter--this thought shook -me. Nobody. My father? Was a stranger, as I have already said. I -thought nevertheless of his farewell, of his fugitive tenderness, due -to obscure ties of the blood. Who else was there? Laquarriere? If he -thought of me it would certainly be to congratulate himself on being -safely in shelter, while I was risking.... Nobody. There really was -nobody! - -And yet my eyes probed the darkness, my glance was unconsciously drawn -in a certain direction.... In that suburb, I could imagine a street, -a house, ... in that house someone ... someone who had written!--"We -think of you a great deal...." - -An idle dream and one which passed. - - * * * * * - -There was a metallic rattle. We were crossing the Seine. Still a few -more miles to go, through the dark countryside. An important station -was coming soon. Myriad lamps lit up countless railway lines. - -Our speed slackened, till we slowed down to a walking pace. We slowly -skirted endless pavements. I could distinguish retreating uniforms and -piles of arms. An artillery sentry gave me a friendly wave. - -"What station do you come from?" I shouted to him. - -"Marseilles!" he replied. - -His warm Southern accent had made me start. How many convoys had he -seen rolling past in the same direction during the few hours he had -been there with his battery. The concentration! The idea of this -gigantic operation made one think: these trains whose time-tables -had been arranged months, no years, in advance, these hundreds upon -hundreds of trains flashing across the country in every direction; -skirting gulfs and mountains, crossing the rivers, flowing in from -every extremity of France, carrying the immense masses of war material, -and the harvest of young men. Caught up in this huge mechanism, -this invisible unity, what a small thing I was, for all my pride of -intellect! - - * * * * * - -A new tack soon threw us off the main lines. I occasionally turned -round to look into the interior of the carriage, where the men were -sleeping, livid beneath the swinging lantern, like corpses, I thought, -at the bottom of a sunken submarine. - -I stayed like this for a long time, half-awake and half-dreaming. In -what direction were we going? To Maubeuge? Or Chalons? I remember a -long stop in the middle of the night on a siding on the outskirts of -Noisy-le-Sec. - -Some of the men were awake, eating bread and cheese. I felt a tap on my -shoulder. - -"Well, are you going to make up your mind to it?" Guillaumin asked me. - -"To what?" - -I yawned. - -"To take a nap. Why you're so sleepy you can hardly stand up! Come -along and lie down!" - -"Where? There's no room!" - -"What about my place?" - -I declined it with thanks. He insisted. Oh, come along! It was his turn -to take the air! - -Very well. I gave in. We started off again. The outlook was no longer -so attractive. The glow of Paris had faded into the distance, and the -moon had just sunk behind the deep blue horizon. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -HARASSED, ALREADY - - -When I woke, dawn was stealing in by the door which was once more open. -Judsi had installed himself at it, his legs dangling outside. We all -looked the worse for wear and had puffy faces. - -Where were we? It was dreary, barren country, an indefinite switchback -of bald ridges. The rocky part of Champagne apparently. Exactly. A few -minutes later our train drew up at Rheims. - -The weather was dull and drizzly. We felt cold when we got out: the men -began to stamp their feet. We N.C.O.'s joined up together. Descroix -and Humel complained bitterly of stiffness. The filthy carriages! Must -have been made on purpose for us! Everyone was sighing for his coffee. -Guillaumin preached patience. Fremont had wandered off to scribble a -letter. De Valpic was pale and silent and heavy-eyed. - -I left them and went in search of some clean water. When I came back, -tidied up and much refreshed, coffee had been brought. The tin drinking -cups were plunged at will into the "dixeys." It was scalding! A real -treat! There was "rooty" too. And the sun came out: we were reviving. - -Soon, a circle formed round Lieutenant Henriot. In order to make -himself pleasant Playoust had put certain questions to him concerning -the strategical situation. The other at once owned that he had had -certain hints from the colonel--oh, it was official then!--certain -indications.... - -I drew near. He spread out a map on a seat, and began to speak with -great fluency.... I tried for a moment to follow him, but disobliging -shoulders got in the way. He was pointing out certain landmarks and -routes, and giving the names of towns and villages. It was all a closed -book to me! I got tired of it and went off; I was inclined to mistrust -these perorations by a subaltern. - -Our train was shunted back, and we started again. - -I was tired and peevish, and fumed at the length of our journey. -Eighteen hours already, and we were nowhere near the end! - -Our destination still remained a mystery, a problem which disquieted us. - -Guillaumin plumped for Sedan, and worried me to tell him what I thought. - -"What on earth does it matter to me?" - -"Do you think they'll come back as far as that?" - -To annoy him, I said: - -"Sure to!" - -He exclaimed: - -"Well, to be going on with, you know we're at Mulhouse! Absolutely -official!" - - * * * * * - -On the outskirts of Ste.-Menehould, there was a prolonged halt, without -permission to get out. Another convoy was standing on a side line. -There were some _poilus_ on the platform. Bouillon drew attention to -their regimental numbers. They belonged to our division. The men at -once called to each other, and asked them to join in a drink. Everyone -was delighted. It seemed little short of marvellous to find neighbours -from their part of the world, Beaucerons, so far from home! - -A new start. The country was becoming hilly and picturesque. There were -some gorges and then a long tunnel. There was no more doubt about the -direction we were taking! Corporal Bouguet, who had served his term -with the 4th, was most emphatic: we were taking a bee-line to Verdun! - -Good! the idea of fighting under the shelter of a powerful fortress was -not displeasing. - -Two hours more. The valley of the Meuse was reached, Verdun attained, -and then left behind.... The deuce! Were they going to detrain us at -the frontier in the first line...? - -No, a few miles farther on, the train stopped in the depths of the -country. There was a bugle call, and Henriot shouted: - -"Here we are!" - -"Where?" - -"At Charny, the terminus. Out you get! And no disorder, you understand!" - -In three minutes we were on the ground, arms and baggage and all. - -The captain passed by. - -"You're not over-tired?" - -Lamalou thumped his chest. - -"In the pink, sir!" - -"So much the better, because you've got a nice little walk before you!" - -Some long faces were pulled. It was nearly midday. We had had nothing -to eat and the heat was killing. - -"Now we return to business!" said Judsi. - -We went into the neighbouring field through a gap in the hedge. -Gaudereaux bent down and picked up a clod of earth. He sniffed at it. - -"Pooh!" he said. "It ain't up to ours!" - -The lieutenant heard him, and reproved him for it. - -"It's the same thing, it's French soil. It's what we are going to be -killed for." - -Did he count on producing an effect? The other gazed at him, -dumbfounded! - - * * * * * - -A little walk indeed! I chewed the word with rage during the seven -hours that this march lasted. Did they think it was the right way...? -The right way to discourage the men! - -No respite except the hourly halts, and they managed to cheat over -them, by not whistling until the hour, or an hour and five minutes was -up, or cutting them short by two minutes! - -If there was one thing that astonished me it was the goodwill and -endurance, which I saw manifested all round me. "Grouse," the first -day? Oh no, that was out of the question! A praiseworthy resolution! -When going through the villages, the men found a way, even when -absolutely done up, of putting on a spurt, and making eyes at all the -pretty girls! - -Judsi sang snatches of very doubtful songs, which made some of them -laugh, while others, their more flighty sisters, blew us kisses. - -Corporal Bouguet all at once started a marching song: the men joined in -the chorus: the captain did not interfere, but the commanding officer -came rushing up, a pot-bellied puppet, perched up on his big horse. Oh, -come along! What was all this? Would they shut up? Would they never -think of the war as something to be taken seriously? - -This rating was upsetting. Another incident helped to damp their -spirits. The distracted group we passed on the roadside ... a -lieutenant, a corporal, the cyclist, and an auxiliary medical officer, -surrounding a man stretched on the ground, a reservist who had just -fallen out. I caught sight of a violet face and glassy eyes. - -The rumour spread that it was a fit. - -The name of the man was soon discovered; he belonged to the 21st -company, and was named Gaspard Metairie, a coppersmith from F----. -Dead? Oh, yes! lying there like a log! I listened to the men's remarks. -Poor wretch! It made one's heart bleed. So soon. And so stupidly. If it -had been some of the Bosches' work there would have been nothing to be -said. But like that! Simply tired out! Fathers of families, just think! -Carrying the full weight!... But what was the good of fussing? The war -would not be over this evening! - -"Oh, a lot they care wot becomes of us," Loriot said. "I'm done, I am!" - -He retired on to the footpath. - -"What's the matter now?" I shouted to him. - -"No good. Can't go on!" - -"What can't go on?" - -"I can't. I'm an old trooper, I am!" - -He stopped and tried to sit down. The whole column slowed down, much -interested and amused. - -"March up, confound you!" - -The captain overtook us. - -"What's up?" - -My nerves were on edge. I don't know what put the whim into my head, -but I gave a dry description of the scene at which I had assisted, the -verdict given by the Medical Officer, and the man's recriminations, -swearing that he would make a point of falling at the first shot. - -Loriot was hugging himself and pretending to be in awful pain. - -The captain did not pronounce an opinion. - -"Stay with him, Sergeant; you will report him to the Medical Officer." - -So we waited. Loriot sulking and livid with rage. I irritated at the -thought that this task ought to have fallen to Playoust, the sergeant -of the day. - -The companies, as they marched past included us in the same glance of -ironical pity. - -Surgeon-Major Bouchut recognised his "client," as he called him, at the -first glance. - -"Ah! It's hurting you, is it? Easy enough to say so! I can't examine -you here. Come along, jump in there! We shall soon see!" - -Under my very eyes, Loriot hoisted himself up into the ambulance, -settled himself down comfortably, and began to chat with the orderlies. - -Infuriated by my own stupidity and the delay it had cost me, I hurried -on. - -The road went up and up. I began to experience the smothered sensation -in the shoulders and chest caused by having to carry a pack. Every -hundred yards--and what a bore it was--the buckle of my sling came -undone, as the point was blunted and did not catch properly, and the -rifle slipped. An inconvenience which could not be remedied, and which -seemed likely to pursue me throughout the campaign. It was about four -o'clock; the sun was still blazing, drops of perspiration gathered -inside the men's caps and occasionally trickled on to the ground. To -think that this march was nothing: mere child's play. - -The worst of it was that just as I was about to catch the others up, -my right foot began to feel sore. I remembered that the evening they -had delivered these boots.... At the first halt I quickly took off both -boot and putties. - -The inspection filled me with consternation. I had hoped my stocking -alone was responsible for it.... Not at all, there was no irksome fold. -It was the counter right enough. What was to be done? The fatal blister -was gathering. The prospect of hours of atrocious pain stared me in the -face. The little courage I had oozed away. - -I was dying of thirst; I poured out a cupful. The water was warm, but -it refreshed me all the same. Catching sight of De Valpic, lying down -with sunken cheeks, I went up to him. - -"De Valpic?" - -He opened his eyes. - -"Will you have ... a drink?" - -"But you...?" - -"I've got plenty, don't you worry. I noticed ... your water-bottle is -leaking, isn't it?" - -"Yes, I don't know how it happened. It's very troublesome." - -"Hand me your drinking cup. There now. Wait a minute!" I half-filled it -for him, added a few drops of Ricqles, and pulling my mess-tin out of -my haversack offered him some sugar. He took two pieces, but greedily -drank a mouthful without waiting for it to melt. - -"Thanks; my throat was so terribly parched." - -A wave of red flooded his cheeks. - -"You're a good sort, Dreher." - -I sat down beside him and asked him in a friendly way whether he was -not awfully tired? - -"I look it, don't I?" - -"Oh! Just like everyone else!" - -The whistle blew! I left him. - -"Cheer up!" - -But at the next pause I avoided looking in his direction. There was -only enough water for me. - -A few more miles. The men were grumbling quite openly now. From time -to time one would fall out, and all at once, or little by little lose -ground, and get left behind by the platoon. What was there to be said? -I interfered no more. These fellows had not had a bite since five -o'clock that morning. - -Were we to leave these stragglers their rifles, or not? - -The subaltern said they were to be taken away. - -The result was that those who remained threatened to give up in their -turn. Two rifles to drag about, not much! They were quite willing to do -their bit, but they were not going to be put upon, not them! - -Lieutenant Henriot changed his mind. - -"Each man will keep his own rifle!" - -"Too late now. How are we to find the owners of them all?" - -He got scared. - -"I was wrong. I made a mistake!" he repeated. - -Guillaumin reassured him by saying all the _poilus_ were sure to turn -up. - -One would have thought that it all amused him, the long day's march, -the hunger and thirst,--everything. He kept on joking--rather too -familiarly perhaps--with Lamalou and Judsi and those of our men who -still held out. He even took it into his head to talk theatres to me! -I soon sent him off with a flea in his ear, as may be imagined. He did -not notice for some time that I was limping. - -"Foot hurting you?" - -"Yes." - -He offered to carry my pack. I was on the point of allowing him to, but -Lamalou, who was watching me furtively, jeered. - -"Halloa, Sergeant! You following poor Loriot's example?" - -"No. I've got a sore foot," I said; "but I am going to stick to it all -right." - -On my refusal Guillaumin took on another lame dog's pack. Lamalou soon -followed his example. - -I only kept on automatically. My heel must be quite raw. Perhaps I was -risking the fate of my whole campaign. It couldn't be helped. In my -heart of hearts I almost congratulated myself on this opportunity of -escape. - -We ended by breaking all ranks. Sections, platoons, and companies were -all mixed up. We were just a herd, and at the entrance to a little -hamlet when the order was passed down to shoulder arms no one budged. -Not much! We're not so green as all that! Give us a bite o' some'at -first! - -But it was not to be so lightly disregarded! The captain rode down what -remained of our column, and repeated the order, brandishing his whip -furiously. The men made up their minds to obey it. We found out the -reason for it afterwards.... A general surrounded by his staff, was -watching us march past ... someone whispered that it was the general in -command of the division. - -It was unfortunate that this should be his first experience of us. He -took stock of us superciliously; his forehead puckered in a frown of -disillusionment. The men growled. - -"Like to see you in our place, old chap, with an empty stomach, and a -pack on your back!" - -Oh, that arrival at our billets in Orne, a village of five hundred -inhabitants, already overflowing with troops of all kinds. Oh, how -depressed we were, both physically and morally. I was especially -exhausted. There was a complete lack of any spirit of organisation -among the authorities, and the troops were totally out of hand. We were -obviously worth nothing at all! - -Where and how did the men get food? Guillaumin luckily took charge -of the whole section. I believe he bustled about, got hold of the -mess-corporal, and was the first to arrive with a fatigue party, at the -issue of rations which took place in the market-square towards midnight. - -I had sacrificed my "posse," but I still had some bread and hard-boiled -eggs left that I had brought with me from F----. I took off my -accoutrements and boots and installed myself in the best corner of the -stable reserved for our lot, and slept on the straw till five o'clock -next morning. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -IN BILLETS - - -The weather next day was glorious. A fine rain had fallen. The men now -very clean and spruce, wandered about the village, with their caps -cocked over their ears. - -No danger threatened. No one would have thought we were at war. And -as for the Bosches, let them go hang! The natives had certainly said, -shaking their heads, that they had already seen some Uhlans on the -neighbouring hills. Absurd inventions. A dragoon whom we questioned -burst out laughing in our faces. The Bosches! They had indeed been -across the frontier for twenty-four hours or so, over there towards -Longwy. They were soon sent to the right-about. We might sleep in -peace! We had the regulars in front of us, about twenty regiments of -them! - -Some trenches had been dug at the approaches to the village, the 21st -had spent the night in them. It was one of the regular amusements to go -and look over them during the day-time. They were very unconvincing, -casually hewn out and occupied. Orne's defensive organisation! Who -could take it seriously? - -"Blowed if I don't think our good time's beginning," said Judsi. - -The villagers were really delightful. These poor dwellers by the Meuse! -They did not have much of a time afterwards. Who would not have become -embittered in their place? At the outset we were touched by their -cordial, almost friendly reception. Many of us went in search of a -bed. I believe that but few were found which did not already boast an -occupant. Lamalou's experience was a case in point. Other attachments -were formed. On the other hand, Playoust came to grief--the thing -became known immediately--with the grocer's pretty wife. He revenged -himself by attributing the mishap to the regimental sergeant-major. - -The outstanding feature--which never varied throughout the -campaign--was the catering. We N.C.O.'s messed together. But Descroix -and his lot were already dissatisfied with this arrangement and -suggested that each platoon should fend for itself. - -I was doubtful about this, but Guillaumin took me aside. - -"Leave them alone! It will suit us much better!" - -He explained that he had made a great find in the shape of a top-hole -cook, a real professional. He had been chef at Bernstein's!!! The -fellow would perhaps consent to cook for three or four, but not a -word!--or the officers would appropriate him. He made me acquainted -with the prodigy, Gaufreteau, a smooth-skinned, cold creature, very -much on his dignity, who would not bind himself in any way. - -Our comrades had managed somehow or other to get hold of some wine at -twenty-four sous the litre, good pale Lorraine wine, on which they -feasted among themselves. You had to pay two francs everywhere else for -a much inferior quality. - -Guillaumin determined he would not be outdone, and went off in search -of it. He ended by coming back triumphant, bringing the same wine at 1 -franc 20, and the wine merchant was to have the bottles back! - -He poured out several bumpers and made fun of De Valpic for refusing to -take any. I suggested adding some water to it. He ragged me in turn. - -"What are you afraid of? If we've got to be knocked out at this job, at -least let's have our money's worth first!" - -This coarse tomfoolery maddened me. Was it an attitude of mind assumed -for war-time, to match that of those poor brutes of troopers. I -sarcastically twitted him with it. He was not at all annoyed. - -"Just what I'm trying for!" - -Thereupon he invited his corporals and mine to empty new bottles. I -could not leave him in the lurch. All these people were drinking and -rotting with him round the table in the kitchen of our farm. The place -was filled with the smell of burning fat. What a scene, and what a -pastime! I was bored to death. - -"I'll see you later!" I said, and went off making some excuse. I should -have liked to meet Fortin or someone of that calibre. A pity they'd -left him at F----, but perhaps it might be lucky for him. - -I took a turn round the neighbouring billets. Nothing but men lying -about and a lot of them had spread into the fields round about, and -were taking a nap in the shade. - -My foot was better. I had painted it with tincture of iodine that -morning and the day before. - -I got out of the village without any difficulty. A sentry, far from -stopping me, asked me for some tobacco. - -A hill near by attracted me. I hoped to get a good view of the -surrounding country from the top. My ideas on the topography of the -neighbourhood were singularly confused. I knew the distance from Orne -to Verdun, 18 km. 7., and I was inclined to think the Valley of the -Meuse must lie somewhere near to southwards. - -My walk was not at all satisfying. From the summit I had aimed at, I -could see nothing but another ridge, crowned with a dark fringe of -trees. There was no outlet through which I could get a view. I came -back, tired and disappointed. Up there I had tried for a moment to give -rein to my imagination. Here is my country--Lorraine, I said to myself, -and I looked in vain for that serene melancholy, that voluptuous calm, -in the landscape.... It was obviously yet another example of poetic -exaggeration. It was not unpleasing country, but it was more like--oh, -anything you like to name, Perche, or the country round Paris. - -I went back. On the way I heard myself hailed from behind a hedge. It -was Playoust's voice. I went up and found the whole set of sergeants -from the 22nd. De Valpic alone was missing. I was surprised to catch -sight of Guillaumin, with cards in his hands. - -"What! You don't mean to say you're playing?" I said. - -"Yes, they're teaching me!" - -He explained with great gusto that they had come to fetch him to make -up a second four (Fremont was there too). He had no gift for it. -But he was sticking to it all the same. He had already lost one and -threepence! - -"And what about you, old boy? Do you know their blooming game?" - -"Yes," I replied coolly, "but it doesn't appeal to me, you know!" - -I did not linger. I bore him a grudge. If he was going over to that -lot he was quite at liberty to do so, of course, but he need no longer -count, as a matter of course, on my society--Oh dear, no! - -I went to lie down. I yawned. I was bored to tears. - -For the sake of something to do I emptied my pockets of their -miscellaneous contents. - -On pulling out the packet of letter cards which I had brought quite by -chance, I thought: Hello, why shouldn't I write a letter? - -But to whom should it be? - -Not to my father. I had nothing to tell him. - -As for my brother, I had not even got his complete address. I did not -know what company he was in. My brother Victor!... Why should I be -thinking of him particularly just now?... Where was he?... Somewhere in -the Woevre. Not very far from me, no doubt. - -What spirits was he in? War was the dream of their life, their goal, -their one passion, to all these soldiers. What a bizarre idea it was. -Simply a case of suggestion! What did they hope for from it, after all? -For the space of a second I had a strikingly clear vision of him, calm -and resolute, with his cap well down over his eyes, issuing his orders. - -The idea again occurred to me of writing to someone--whom I knew. But I -counted on my fingers; it was only three days; and it would be better -to wait until I had something worth writing about. - -When I went out again I found myself face to face with Henriot. - -"Halloa, how are you getting on, Dreher?" he said. - -"Pretty well, sir!" - -"Pity we get no papers!" - -I saw that he was bursting to have a talk, and, by Jove, it would be -good policy to get on good terms with my immediate chief once and for -all. I need only imitate Playoust; I asked him slyly what he thought -was happening. - -He needed no persuasion! He was fully aware of the fact that I had not -been among his audience the day before, and ingenuously expressed his -regret. De Valpic and I, he said, were the two best-read men in the -company. He would so much like to exchange ideas with us! - -As for exchanging ideas, all I was aiming at was to get him to trot his -out ... to get at him in that way. At my request he went to fetch a map -of the whole of our eastern frontier. - -I led him on to various subjects which I wished to explore, without -taking great pains about it: the composition of our army, the probable -figure of our effectives, our system of fortified towns. - -He replied at length, furnishing information collected and classed -without much sense of criticism. He placed the ideas he had gleaned -from the special courses for officers, on the same level with those -picked up in certain technical reviews, and a great number of -commonplaces borrowed from the daily papers. - -But he fancied himself particular on the questions of strategy. - -The German scheme was done for! Everything was based, you see, on -the complicity or, at all events, the passivity of Belgium. They -had concentrated four army corps in their camps in advance, Treves, -Malmedy, Atles-Lager. They would have hurled them simultaneously on to -the left bank of the Meuse, and they could have gone straight ahead -across the flat country. In five days they would have been in the -Scheldt, on the way to Valenciennes. They would have reached the valley -of the Oise, and from there have gone on to Paris. And it might quite -likely have succeeded!... - -He warmed to his subject. - -They came to grief. The Belgians have demolished forty thousand men, -a whole army corps. The English have had time to land, and we to fall -into line. And what do you say to our retort in Alsace the other day? -We are getting the entire control of affairs into our hands. - -His forefinger indicated Mulhouse. - -Look, we're back there again and firmly based there, for good, believe -me! It's obviously ours. Take Strassburg? No, not at once. Invest it -perhaps, that's all. But push straight on across the Rhine. It's not so -easy, but we should spare nothing in order to do that! Just think! Once -past the Rhine all we should have to do would be to go straight ahead, -and cut Germany in half. Separate the Northern Provinces under Prussia, -from Bavaria, which is not nearly so antagonistic to us really, and the -Russians, after having taken Cracow and Prague, will soon be shaking -hands with us! - -He stopped talking and wiped his forehead. Gazing at his map he seemed -to regret that it did not include the theatre of to-morrow's victories. - -I gazed at him with surprise and mistrust. But he seemed so sure of -his ground! I knew these theories were current in higher military -circles. These daring anticipations reminded me of those expressed so -many times in my presence by my father and brother. - -How the thought of Victor pursued me! I could not restrain myself from -mentioning him. - -"Oh! What is he in?" said Henriot. - -"The 161st St. Mihiel." - -"A crack regiment that!" - -"Have they been in action yet?" - -"Probably!" - -"And what about us?" I said. "Do you think we shall soon be engaged?" - -"I should hardly think so. What is there ahead of us? Luxembourg. They -violated it on August 2nd. A lot of good it did them! Their offensive -turned northwards. Now they've got to defend themselves. I don't think -they'll attempt anything much against the Stenay gap. I don't think -we're much exposed!" - -So much the better! I thought. - -"I personally should have liked to fight in this part of the country." - -"Do you come from near here?" - -"Yes, from Villers-sur-Meuse, about fifty miles from here." - -He added a few details. It was only his second post, and he asked for -nothing better than to stay there as long as possible. His father had -been master there before him, and was buried there. - -We are Lorrains, you see, that's why I made such a point of being in -the reserves. - -I asked him naively if he had ever thought of war. - -"What! We never thought of anything else!" - -I suddenly recognised in him, the obstinacy and exaltation which had -surprised me, as a child, in the inhabitants of Embermenil. - -I had honestly forgotten that such rancour survived. After more -than forty years! Revenge then was not simply an abstract pretext, -it corresponded actually, to a desire, a hatred! The old furnace -still threw out sparks in the new generation capable of setting the -conflagration alight at any moment. - -I could not help blaming this fury. The stupid dislike of resignation -and discretion, of that which constituted men's happiness. - -Did I not, however, vaguely envy this impassioned tone and face? - -Why did I announce: - -"I'm a Lorrain too, you know!" - -"Really?" he said; "Oh well, I had suspected it, just from your name. -What part do you come from?" - -I told him. He was delighted. He had relations round about Luneville. - -"We are the only ones in the platoon. That ought to make us good -friends, what?" - -I felt that he was moved. I pretended to be. But I was chilled again. -I only thought like the other evening, under my father's gaze: "I a -Lorrain! In what am I a Lorrain?" And the idea that I should have -brothers and foes, just because I was born on this side, and not on -that side of a certain line, seemed to me grotesque. - -It was about time for "cookhouse door" to go. Our card-players -reappeared. I enjoyed first their surprise, then their only thin-veiled -annoyance. It was particularly aggravating for the schoolmasters. -Henriot, with his hand on my shoulder, was talking to me as to an -intimate confidant. They began to wander round, anxious to interrupt -us, but withheld from doing so by their deeply-rooted respect for rank. - -Great Heavens! if I had guessed what would put an end to our -conversation! - -Henriot stopped abruptly in the middle of a sentence. - -"Hsh! What's that...?" - -"That dull distant rumble...." - -The men scattered about in the road and in the yard, were listening -intently. Corporal Bouguet who was passing muttered: - -"No, it can't be...?" - -It began again, like the echo of a peal of thunder.... - -Then the subaltern pronounced the word I had expected: - -"The guns!" - -"What?" - -It ran along repeated from mouth to mouth. The guns! The guns! I -shuddered with physical anguish. A battle in progress over there, quite -near by, which I felt would draw us in and swallow us up. The guns! -Were they the ones which would make a pulp of my body? - -Guillaumin suddenly appeared and seized me by the arm. - -"My heart's beating. How queer it is!" - -I was stupid enough to swagger. - -"It reminds me of the Camp of Chalons!" - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -AN ALARM - - -The guns went on growling at intervals for an hour, and then stopped. -Have I explained that our company was quartered almost in the open? Too -much in the open, apparently. The order came round for us to clear out, -and to squeeze into the smaller of the two farms which we occupied. - -Nothing could have been more uncomfortable than the stable, or rather -the cattle-shed which fell to our platoon. It might even have been a -pig-stye to judge by the stink! They had contented themselves with -throwing a thin layer of straw on the litter of dung. The men grumbled: -Loriot most of all. I went to see for myself, the others were in the -same predicament. They were openly discussing the ill-feeling which was -beginning to establish itself between the commanding officer and the -captain. Every time there was a particularly filthy billet going, it -would be for the 22nd! - -I was hesitating about lying down when Guillaumin came up beaming. - -"Breton certainly has a flair for comfortable quarters; there's no -denying it. Do you know what they've rooted out? A hay-loft. And a -clean one, too! We'll have it all to ourselves. We must get hold of De -Valpic." - -We went to find him. - -"Thanks, it's awfully good of you!" - -He assured us, though, that he would prefer to sleep alongside some -rick as it was fine to-night. - -"You'll be frozen!" - -"I shall get some fresh air!" - -"As much as you could want!" - -Guillaumin showed me the way. It was behind the outhouses. A ladder was -leaning up against it. I caught sight of Playoust at the window. He -drew his head in immediately. Descroix appeared. - -"There's not room for two!" he shouted. - -"How's that?" - -Little Humel showed up beside him! - -"Reserved for the first platoon! We invited Guillaumin, that's all!" - -"Look here, what about me!" I said quite calmly. - -"Impossible!" - -I said to Guillaumin. - -"You might have asked them before you came to fetch me!" - -"Rot! They're fooling!" he said. "There's room in there for fifteen or -twenty." - -He gave me a shove. - -"Get along up!" - -I put my foot on the first rung and began to climb up. Humel had called -for help. Descroix seized the ladder with both hands and shook it. I -nearly took a toss. - -"The brute!" - -I jumped down. The others up there were howling with laughter. If I was -sickened by it, Guillaumin appeared more offended. He set to work to -blackguard them, in language very much to the point. Playoust tried to -appease them: "Why make such a fuss! I was so fond of being alone. It -was very good of them to offer him a place! Why not bring the viscount -along too straight away?" - -"De Valpic? He's going to sleep in the open air!" Humel yelped. - -"Very well, then; why can't Dreher do the same thing!" - -I considered it useless to insist. I should manage all right, I said to -Guillaumin, but I advised him most strongly to take advantage of the -stroke of luck--as he was so thick with them! - -Not at all! He protested that nothing on earth would induce him to -desert me. It was shameful, the way they had treated me. On active -service all ought to help one another. How delighted the Bosches would -have been if they had witnessed the scene. - -Playoust retorted by jeering at us and reaped an easy harvest of -guffaws among his accomplices. Guillaumin unexpectedly seized the -ladder, and carried it off. I went with him laughing, while infuriated -shouts followed us. - -We got back to our stable. - -"For us the dung!" - -"Yes, like Job." - -The smell was sickening, and the worst of it was that my place had -been taken. Judsi was lying there snoring. I felt about him, he shook -himself and let off an impropriety, which made me recoil. Luckily my -faithful Bouillon hailed me. He made himself small and I was able to -squeeze between him and Corporal Donnadieu, and with my handkerchief -over my nose, I soon fell fast asleep. - - * * * * * - -There was an alarm in the middle of the night. A sudden clamour was -heard in _the_ road and the click of bayonets. To arms! To arms! - -We leapt to our feet and went out. Outside there was nothing but -tumult and bustling, indescribable confusion, terrified creatures -bumping up against each other and seizing each other by the throat. I -know my heart was thumping. A night attack? Good Heavens! It was very -astounding.... And yet the enemy was not far away.... - -Five minutes of disorder and panic. We could not have offered the -slightest resistance! What was happening? The captain had come down and -was whistling incessantly. I groped about searching for my section and -platoon. They were lost! This pale form! Lamalou, in shirt sleeves, by -Jove, but armed, and shouting, and ready for anything.... - -What was the matter after all?... - -At last the riddle was solved by De Valpic, who told us that a horse -had got loose on the outskirts of the village, and its owner, a -dragoon, had run after it shouting: - -"Olga! Olga!" - -A too zealous sentry had thought he heard "To Arms!" that was all. - -We laughed ourselves hoarse. But one person who was not at all pleased -was the captain. Awakened at the first movements, he had come rushing -up in haste, and had whistled, as I said.... Guillaumin and I were -the only ones to answer. We were the only two sleeping with our men. -The others were in great difficulties. How were they to get down -from the hay-loft without a ladder? In the dark! Jump? The regimental -sergeant-major had sprained his foot slightly.... What! What! Had -he been up there! He was the one to get the biggest wigging. He was -horribly upset about it. - -An explanation which followed between Guillaumin and Descroix nearly -ended in their coming to blows. Playoust egged them on. Breton and I -had all we could do to keep them apart. - -One thing pleased me; a step Fremont took. - -"I was with them," he said; "forgive me. They are idiots, but I -couldn't get down. They're all in my platoon. They would have led me -such a life. You're not annoyed with me, I hope?" - -"Not at all." - -The remainder of the night was calmer. From four o'clock onwards, -however, the distant sinister rumbling became noticeable again. There -must be something serious doing, for this music to strike up again at -dawn! - -We soon began to stretch and get up. Thanks to my little pocket-glass, -I discovered some strange eruptions on my face. They worried me. What -could they be? - -"Spiders, 'rooky,'" Bouillon announced jovially. - -I was at the pump in a bound, and spent quite a long time washing and -soaping myself. In my absence, coffee was prepared and handed round. -When I came back there was nothing left but a few lukewarm dregs. - -I blamed Bouguet for it. - -"In future you'll see that my coffee is kept for me!" - -He kicked at this. - -"I only have just enough for my section. Sergeant Donnadieu has one man -less. It's his job to get yours." - -I made enquiries. He was quite right. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A THUNDERBOLT - - -The cannonade, which increased in intensity hour by hour, made that -morning a time of agonising suspense. For me, at least. The men who had -already got accustomed to the noise, paid no more attention to it. - -The regimental sergeant-major had been round to inspect accoutrements. -Some of the men were dropped on, poor Gaudereaux among others, as he -had been unlucky enough to forget a rag for his rifle. - -He was ordered confinement to barracks, but went out all the same. -Ravelli who had met him in the village had him arrested and taken to -the guard-room where he was sentenced by the captain to four days' -confinement. - -Lamalou commiserated him quite openly. - -"That's what it is to be so bloomin' good-natured. Like to see 'em -darin' to put upon me like that!" - -The regimental sergeant-major who overheard him gave him a furious -look, but actually was afraid to say anything and only revenged himself -by slyly warning him for the next fatigue. - -In the afternoon Lieutenant Henriot came to have a chat with Guillaumin -and me. I noticed his anxiety to cause no more jealousy. Catching sight -of Descroix and Humel who were getting some fresh air in the yard, he -called them. In this way the circle became enlarged. Too much for me! I -bolted. - -When Guillaumin came to find me again, I put on a sarcastic tone: - -"Thrilling, what?" - -"Oh ... quite interesting! You seemed to be listening all right -yesterday!" - -"Couldn't help myself!" - -I undertook to quote the conversation I had had the day before with the -little subaltern. To be honest, I exaggerated grossly. I ridiculed poor -Henriot, and put on a tremolo, to recall his words about his birthplace -where he taught, where his father was buried. - -It seemed as if Guillaumin only half liked this skit. He stopped me. - -"He may not be a genius, but he's quite a good sort." - -I was discontented with myself and with him. - -I expected that we should be sent to relieve the 21st in the trenches. -I was mistaken. It was the 23rd. Our turn was skipped. I don't know why. - -This cannonade which still persisted and seemed to be drawing nearer, -unnerved me. Where were they fighting? What approximately were the -lines of tactical defence? - -De Valpic to whom I happened to put the question, informed me. - -"The Loison and the Othain." - -"What are they?" - -"Tributaries of the Meuse. They both join the Chiers, near Montmedy." - -"You are well up in it." - -He smiled; he was going in to lie down as usual. - -The firing was still going on. I said to Bouillon: - -"We may be going up one of these days!" - -"Where to?" - -"Into the firing line." - -"Good luck!" - -"Really, good luck?" - -"The sooner we go there, the sooner the war will be over!" - -"But ... supposing we stay there?" - -"Oh well, one end's as good as another!" - - * * * * * - -Towards evening someone announced that there was a convoy of wounded on -the road. Fremont happened to be beside me. I took him by the arm: - -"Are you coming to have a look?" - -He hesitated. I took him along. - -In the principal street a string of carts was filing past, carrying -unearthly beings with sunken eyes, and blackened, ravaged faces. They -were silent and had dirty bandages, some on their heads and some on -their arms. - -Our _poilus_ had hurried up, and were forming a hedge. They ventured to -question those who seemed the least affected. - -"Well, lads? So you've given 'em a knock?" - -Most of them did not reply. A few shook their heads. - -"Nothing to be done." - -"More likely them?" - -They made a painful impression. More carts followed, these last drawn -at a foot's pace. Orderlies signed to us that they contained the badly -wounded. - -Their time was up. Why bother to transport them even? - -A vehicle passed at a trot going in the opposite direction empty. - -"What have you done with your cargo?" shouted another driver. - -"Going to load up again! Poor lads, turned into corpses, they are!" - -Fremont had turned very pale. - -"Let's be off!" he murmured. - -"Oh, rot!" I said rather fiercely. "Let's see as much as we can.... We -may be in their place to-morrow." - -He stayed. A low cart appeared, containing two stretchers. On one of -them was an officer with a bloodless face. He had a compress on his -neck which dripped dark blood. On the other there was a young beardless -corporal, whose respiration was rapid but even. Although awake, he -persistently kept his eyes closed. What could his wound be? The orderly -gave an expressive glance. A great-coat which had been thrown over the -man hung down at the knee-joints. His two legs were gone. - -"No, no, come away!" Fremont repeated with a shudder. - -The horror of it! And it might so easily have been my turn to agonise -to-morrow! By the fault of the politicians who had let loose this -war! I cursed the allotted task, the yoke laid on so many, and my own -acquiescence. - -Then my attention was distracted. An N.C.O. in the 30th who took an -opportunity of getting out when his cart stopped--the horse had lost a -shoe, I believe--asked for a drink. Someone offered him wine. - -"No. Water!" - -An uncanny voice, hoarse with fever. They brought him some water. He -drank large gulps of it. I watched him. What was the matter with him, -with his dark ringed eyes and pinched, mask-like face, and his body -bent so queerly! - -He began to speak in short, staccato sentences. He described the -engagement which had taken place the day before. The long wait in the -trench under shell fire in the full glare of the sun. They had not seen -the Bosches, but knew they were quite near by. The weariness and the -enervation which increased as the day went on. The longing to be done -with it, for the losses were becoming serious. The effect of the damned -fairy tale accredited by the newspapers and even by the _communiques_, -according to which the enemy could never stand up against the bayonet. -You could see the men half-pulling them out, the precious things, and -looking at them longingly, so slim and sharp and shining...! - -And then at the end of the day the stroke of madness...! Word had -been passed along, no one knew where it started from, "Fix bayonets: -Charge!" The order rolled on from company to company. They had got -up man by man then in ranks.... Forward! They had rushed out, they -were covering the ground at a tremendous pace. They felt that their -opponents were there, petrified. They were just on the point of falling -upon them. They yelled. No retort. Quicker, quicker! It was really -marvellous...! - -But suddenly they realised their mistake. Too late. There was an echo -of terror. Along this plantation of trees there was a river. They -calculated its width. Not very wide, but too wide to clear at a jump, -all the same! - -"The Othain?" I suggested. - -"How should I know!" - -And then--it was all pre-arranged of course!--then the enemy had opened -fire with their machine guns at two hundred yards. They all flung -themselves flat!... What a panic there had been. The men had thrown -themselves desperately into the dark icy water, drowning themselves -among the rushes under the very eyes of their companions.... The rest -who had no entrenching tools with them, or packs either, were reduced -to digging themselves in with their pocket knives and their nails. The -enemy, who were coming nearer, calmly continued to ply their infernal -"tea kettle" for a whole hour. The result being that there was not a -man left out of the two battalions engaged. Not one, untouched! All -killed or wounded! - -"And what about you, Sergeant?" asked Donnadieu, the little red-haired -corporal. - -"Me?" - -He pulled a wry face. - -"Napoo'd!" - -"How do you mean, napoo'd," I exclaimed. - -"Yes, I've got a ball in my stomach--and as they have not operated----" - -Ah! that explained his being so doubled up! He climbed back into his -cart. - -"Well, so long, you fellows. Hope you'll have better luck." - -He added: - -"Oh! it's blooming funny, this war!" - -We were subdued and silent. Then Judsi jeered. - -"Oh, dash it all, the bloke must be pilin' it on. We may 'ave been -mauled a bit, likely as not, but wot about them--with our 75's----" - -"You're right there," Bouillon exclaimed. - -Another private, who was wounded in the arm, shouted gaily as he passed. - -"The comedy's over for this child." - -"Wot, you don't mean to say you're legging it after the first act, you -waster?" - -He had good reason to rejoice. I would have given all I possessed to be -in that man's shoes. - - * * * * * - -After this, excitement reigned. The rumour spread that a start was -near, in fact imminent. The subaltern assured them in vain that he knew -nothing of it, that he did not think.... The men repeated the words -picked up by the captain's orderly. - -"Luckily there'll be a moon to-night!" - -Curfew time arrived, however, without anything happening and we turned -in. - -But a little before midnight the quartermaster's voice was heard at the -door. - -"Turn out! Marching kit!" - -We were in full harness in no time. I went out. I came across Henriot -and asked him. - -"Are we really off?" - -"Yes, yes." - -"Any news?" - -"Hm! I've just had a talk with a subaltern who's come down from the -Woevre." - -"From what part exactly?" - -"Flirey." - -The name struck me. I remembered having heard it in my father's mouth. - -"Is he still there, the subaltern you mentioned?" - -"I think so; yes, look there!" - -I caught sight of the silhouette of a cavalry officer. I went up to -him spurred on by a singular presentiment. - -"I hear you've been near Flirey during the last few days, sir...." - -"Exactly." - -I tried to make out his regimental number. - -"Did you by any chance come across the 161st?" - -"Rather! I was attached to them for rations for three days!" - -I hesitated. - -"You don't happen to remember a Lieutenant Dreher?" - -He repeated: - -"Dreher?" - -"Yes." - -"A big fair fellow; a good-looking chap?" - -"Yes." - -"His picket was surprised. He was killed!" - -"No!" - -"Excuse me; I saw him being carried away. He had a bullet in his head. -Did you know him, Sergeant?" - - - - -_BOOK V_ - -_August 12th-13th_ - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -ON THE WAY TO THE FIRING LINE - - -My brother! My brother killed! I went off, without a word in reply, -and lost myself in the darkness. I was stupefied. My brother killed! I -was on the point of fainting. And then, in a few minutes, I regained -my control. I had the impression of having advanced a stage; of an -awakening. - -Finished, and done with my role as on-looker in all these things. No -more detached, distant pity for me like that with which I had been -inspired by those dying men just now. How my blood rushed through my -veins. I conjured up a vision of my brother alive, leading his men. I -saw him totter and fall. They picked him up, stone dead! With a hole -through his forehead! That was the end. There was no more to be done -but to make the sign of the cross over all that remained of him! - -Henriot passed me again, buckling the strap of his revolver. He asked -me casually: - -"Well, did you speak to him?" - -I was on the point of saying to him. - -"My brother ... you know, my brother." - -But a feeling of shyness prevented me, the idea of confiding in anyone -was repugnant to me.... Guillaumin appeared in his turn, his kepi worn -square; I did not say anything to him either: the idea of forcedly -conventional phrases sickened me. - -We formed into platoons. Roll-call. Nobody missing in our lot. - -The men were joking in spite of our instructions. Judsi's nasal -intonations could be distinguished. - -"Halloa, Loriot, you old rotter, you going to march? Didn't the M.O. -recognise you?" - -Each one's a bigger fool than the last! - -Loriot shrugged his shoulders. - -Corporal Donnadieu was the only one who looked thoughtful and absorbed. -An agriculturalist, with delicate features, and a sandy moustache; I -liked him for his conscientiousness and zeal. He suddenly turned to me, -and said in a whisper: - -"So we're going up to the front, you think, Sergeant?" - -"I believe so." - -"Already?" - -"Already." - -"How many will stay there?" - -He looked as if he were reckoning up the number of victims around us. I -said wearily: - -"Oh, as to that!" - -He was silent. I asked him if he was married. - -"Yes, Sergeant." - -"Any children?" - -"One of fifteen months, and another ... on the way!" - -Looking down at the ground, he sighed. - -"How stupid it is to fight!" - -I thought how in our camp, and no doubt in the opposite camps too, -nearly every individual was privately thinking the same thing! And yet -each one bowed his head and went on. Poor human race! - -We started off. The night was cool and clear. A good one to march on. - -Guillaumin came to keep me company. He announced that he was in "the -pink" and joked below his breath with his men and mine, whom he already -knew better than I did. He forced me to share his good humour. It may -be imagined that I did not rise much, though I avoided looking too -anxious. I dreaded a direct question and intended to withdraw into -myself alone with my sorrow. - -He ended by getting tired of it and left me, but then it was the -subaltern's turn to hang on to me. It was difficult to escape him. It -was in vain that I purposely arranged to walk so that he was forced to -the side of the road, where he kept stumbling over endless obstacles -such as ruts and heaps of flints. He did not lose heart, and I had to -put up with a new explanation of the situation. Then he tried to make -out where we were. Every other minute I saw him consulting his map with -the aid of his electric torch. - -"Look, we're following this road." - -He must have made a mistake, at some cross roads. Contrary to his -expectation we did not cross the high road to Etain. Then he tried to -take his bearings by the heavens, the Great Wain, and the Polar Star. - -I no longer even pretended to take an interest. I thirsted for -solitude. I took advantage of a moment when he left me to go to the -captain, to sign to Bouillon. With this place filled, I was saved. - -I went on automatically like a beast of burden. The weariness, and -perspiration, the crushing weight of the pack, the bumping of the -haversack and the water-bottle, the pressure of the crossed straps, all -that combined, almost took away the consciousness of existence. A vague -regret survived, however. - -I mechanically repeated to myself from time to time: "My brother has -been killed, my brother has been killed...." But these words conveyed -hardly anything to my mind, my grief seemed to be numbed. I confusedly -flattered myself that just now, at the first respite, it would awake, -awful and sweet, and envelop me in its generous flood. - -Another obsession, this one very ordinary and almost humiliating, was -the rubbed place on my heel. It was not cured and I had struggled in -vain to break the counter. The same rub at each step. On the uneven, -stony surface of the bad roads we were following, I often made a false -step. So great was my exhaustion that I no longer even took the trouble -to throw my weight on to the tip of my foot in order to lessen the -painful contact. - -A high road at last. In a neighbouring field we caught sight of some -teams and forage and ammunition waggons. - -"An artillery park," Henriot shouted across Bouillon's head. - -A little farther on we passed a troop of cavalry wrapped in their long -dark blue greatcoats. Our _poilus_ expressed their envy of them aloud. - -"War's a picnic to those chaps!" - -It was still quite dark--we were going through a forest when the -cannonade started again, abrupt and violent. So near this time. -Everyone started at it. - -It rumbled and roared on every side. It felt exactly like being in the -middle of a battle. And what a striking contrast there was between the -silence, the sweet-scented air, and the calm of the woods, and this -crashing and thundering! We were alone on this road, the moon had just -risen; a gentle breeze caressed the little flowers on the slope, and -the moss damp with dew. - -Day was breaking when we left the wood. - -We advanced across a slightly sloping upland. - -"Halt!" - -Rows and rows of piled arms stretched away into the distance. There -was a brigade, or perhaps a division there. We counted on a rest worth -having. But a whirring noise was heard. We looked up. One, no two -German aeroplanes, like the silhouettes of evil-looking birds, were -easily recognisable. - -A neighbouring company fired a volley at them. They continued to -flutter above us turning and twisting insolently. The men shook their -fists at them. And the same thought occurred to us all: What were our -aeroplanes doing? A third Taube arrived and dropped a rocket. - -"The devil!" - -"Look out!" shouted Henriot. "We've been marked right enough! We shall -catch it hot!" - -The alarm was given. We scattered at the double and threw ourselves -down, and shivered in the icy dawn. The expected shells did not come. -The captain sent for the subaltern. - -"To give him a wigging," said Descroix. - -Playoust jeered. - -"He talked of catching it hot! I see he was quite right about it!" - -The warning had sufficed. The big detachment collected there, seemed -to have evaporated. Some platoons were disappearing ahead over the -neighbouring ridge. - -Were we to follow? Not at all. We were taken back, on the contrary, as -far as the wood. We all went into it, and the order was given to pile -arms. We might rest, but were not to go far away! - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -I EXAMINE MY CONSCIENCE - - -I went to lie down a little way off, at the foot of a tree. At last I -had a free moment. At last I belonged to myself! - -The funereal refrain resounded in me anew: Victor killed! I -expected.... Dead, dead, my brother! A procession of regrets was bound -to follow! In spite of myself, paltry worries came back to annoy me, my -sore foot as usual. I lost my temper. Despicable solicitude! When I had -been so hard hit! - -Revolving these thoughts in my mind, I was suddenly seized with terror, -with that terror which always freezes me at the sudden disappearance of -any being with whom I have come into contact. But for all this terror I -must confess that I was only moderately afflicted, however reluctant I -might be to admit it. - -It went no doubt to prove that I was incapable of moral suffering. It -filled me with shame. I longed ardently to overcome it. But in what -way? Who could believe that I went as far as to ask myself, "What -happens when one loses an only brother; how does one feel?" - -And then all at once I lost patience. Come along! Come along! Let's -be frank. Had I not sworn long ago to avoid all juggling with words. -No shammed grief for me! Quite true I had lost my brother! But what -was he to me? I remember the impression, corroborated so often, that -we had nothing in common. He, the classical type of soldier, a slave -to his convictions. I, reared on philosophy, moulded of doubt and -detachment. A brother to whom I had never for a moment opened my heart, -with whom I had had no intimate converse. How pitifully trite, too, our -correspondence had been! He for his part lived engrossed in the wife -chosen and schooled to his liking, and in his children, who interested -me only as being pretty little creatures. My brother simply by an -accident of birth! I obviously could not mourn for him in the same way -as for someone I had loved! - -This reasoning calmed me. But the question still persisted -mechanically: "Then whom did I love?" Suddenly the answer, the cruel -answer, presented itself: "No one on earth! I was quite alone!" - -Why was the thought of my heart withered beyond all help, so odious to -me to-day? Why, in order to dispel it, was I driven to conjure up the -sorrow which years and years ago had made my child's heart bleed? - -My mother. My sweet mother. Fourteen years had passed in vain, since -that terrible day; the wound had never healed. She had been ill no -time; a bad attack of influenza, a great deal of fever, threatened -pneumonia. I had spent part of the afternoon in her room. She -complained of nothing but thirst. I got her what she wanted and -reminded her when it was time to take her medicine. She was not very -much pulled down. I remember that she had congratulated me on obtaining -a good place in Latin prose. Some artless remark on the maid's part -had tickled us both.... And that night the hospital nurse who had -arrived a few hours before, knocked at my door, panic-stricken.... It -was all over. What a thunderbolt it had been. - -I felt my heart swell and my eyes fill again at the memory of it! I -still mourned for her to-day, for her, for her! So I was not quite -lacking in all humane feeling. And it was not my fault if the present -stroke of destiny failed to move me at all deeply. - -I felt softened, however. The dear shade exhaled some tender property. -I had been my mother's confidant as a child. It was to me that she -liked to unbosom herself, morning and evening, as she bent her -harmonious face over my face. She used to say to me: "We two understand -each other, don't we?" - -Had she not once or twice gently and seriously confided in me the -secret of certain fears? Supposing anything were to happen to her, -she seemed to fear for the future union of the family. She felt that -she was the bond between us, that as long as she was alive, she -concentrated our affections. My father, without entirely fathoming her, -adored her, and so did my brother, though brought up away from her at -school. If she were the first to go.... It was an odd presentiment. - -So my mother had foreseen this estrangement between beings of the same -blood; had grieved about it beforehand. Alas! she could never have -believed that the breech could have yawned so large.... If she could -have suspected that a day would come when her Michel would hear of the -other's death with dry eyes and an untouched heart, what bitterness it -would have been to her! The thought weighed on my mind. - -I got up and walked a few steps. I was limping slightly. - -Boom! Boom! Boom! Ever since it had been light, the deafening uproar -had redoubled. - -Fremont who was lying on his side gave me a friendly wave. - -"What are you doing there?" - -"Writing my diary." - -He waved a bundle of closely written sheets. - -"My wife can't grumble! I sent her the same amount yesterday." - -"Are you telling her that we can hear firing?" - -"Rather not! I'm giving her a description of our humdrum existence at -Orne." - -"Will you lend me your stylo, when you've finished?" I asked. - -"Half a minute! I'm just ending it off." - -He got up. - -"I recommend you to try my desk; this big stone. Most handy! Got some -writing paper?" - -"Yes, thanks." - -I settled down. The idea of writing had been put into my head by the -sight of Fremont. By doing so it seemed to me that I might atone for or -lessen my lack of.... - -I sent my condolences first of all to my father, to whom Victor was -everything; his sole object in existence. Fragments of a recent -conversation floated across my mind. In what a voice he had said: "They -will nearly all stay there!" The old Spartan! But had he not counted -too much on his strength of mind.... And yet, no. I was certain of his -unshakable constancy. I foresaw that in case of victory, the old man -would not utter a complaint, but would congratulate himself on having -contributed to it by his loss. - -Oh, come along. It had got to be done.... Luckily I need not write -much. The noise of the cannonade was a good excuse for brevity. A few -sentences would be enough, a suitable expression of my compassion. I -signed it. Then I wrote a line to my sister-in-law. That of course -was obligatory. Poor little woman! A widow, at twenty-four, with two -kids.... The idea of her loneliness and misery saddened me. My pen -raced over the paper. I was soon at the end of a sheet. - -I fastened up these letters with a sigh of relief at having done my -duty. But it suddenly struck me that I could not send them. They -would run the risk of getting there before the official intimation. I -shuddered at the idea. - -Then why should I have been in such a hurry? - -Meanwhile I felt about in my pocket, and pulled out a third card. Did I -realise at once where my steps were taking me? I think not. I had only -written the heading.... And yet! I was smiling; but I was strangely -troubled. - -A line to announce this loss which clouded my campaign, a pitying -allusion to the misery of the survivor. What should I add? I was not -dissatisfied with the manly words in which I describe us as sending a -friendly greeting to a few beings in the world, just as we were about -to hurl ourselves into the ghastly furnace. - -I re-read them with a smile, half-tender, half-sceptical, and slowly -and rather dreamily, I addressed the envelope. - - Mademoiselle Jeannine Landry - rue Faidherbe. - St-Mande. - -When should I be able to despatch this letter? - -Perhaps I should fall with it on my breast.... - -And people would think I had been writing to my fiancee! - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -AWAITING OUR CUE - - -I had got up again. The inflamed place on my heel was becoming -intolerable. I resigned myself to taking off my shoes and stockings. - -The head which had formed yesterday had been pulled off. It had a very -unhealthy look. An abscess would probably form. - -What could I do? Report sick? For a sore on my foot! And just now too. -But my claim would not be allowed. Bouchut would not look at me! I had -seen poor wretches at the manoeuvres forced to march with gory feet, -and with septic gatherings from which blood oozed at the pressure.... -No, there was no hope for me there! I must go on then, but in future -should have to endure fresh torture at each step I took. - -Guillaumin had joined me. - -"Your foot again? Let's have a look!" - -He bent down and examined it. - -"The counter! Oh! be blowed to it! That is a bore! Why go out of your -way to get something different from the regulation boots. I'm delighted -with mine. Still it can't be helped. Something must be done for this." - -I explained that I had treated myself with tincture of iodine. - -"Diluted, I hope?" - -"How do you mean?" - -I learnt from him that the strength supplied now was too caustic. - -"Some picric acid is what you want on there now." - -"You haven't got any, I suppose?" - -"What are you thinking of? I've got a little bit of everything!" - -He went off and soon came back, with a small bottle and a brush which -he carefully took out of a glass tube. - -"Stings a bit, doesn't it?" - -He had also brought a bit of linen. He deftly bound up my ankle. I -admired his dexterity. - -"Where did you learn it?" - -"Hunting, of course! That's the way to get sprains." - -He added: - -"I think that'll do until to-morrow!" - -He got hold of my boot. - -"This filthy counter. That's what's the matter. If only there was a -way...." - -"Of doing what?" - -"With some scissors.... I've got some of them too, in my housewife." - -Another journey. When he had got back and adjusted his eye-glass he set -to work to snip and shape. Particles of leather kept falling. - -"You're not spoiling it?" - -"Don't you worry! I'm an adept at this sort of thing!" - -He had finished. - -"Shove it on again. Well, how does it feel?" - -The friction was actually much lessened. - -"It will be the salvation of me, old chap!" - -He made a good-natured grimace. I looked at his thick red nose, his -sandy moustache with its piteous droop at the corners of his mouth, -his oily hair tangled under the cap which was perched on the back of -his head. There was a touch of the grotesque in his ugliness at this -moment. A blundering simple soul too, and overtalkative. And yet ... -what a good sort he was! He had that rarest of virtues, Kindness, the -mark of real distinction of soul. What spontaneous gratitude he aroused -in me. To think that quite lately I had hardly dared to defend him -against Laquarriere's sarcasms. That would all be changed now. To-day -my choice was made, and well made. - - * * * * * - -There seemed to be a lull in the fighting. The cannonade was less -violent. I wished for a moment that the struggle might end without -us.... Yes, but only on condition that the result was favourable. I -was not without apprehensions on that score, for what a repulse that -action, described to us the day before, must have been! - -Guillaumin was hungry, and did not worry his head about anything else. -Now or never was the time to stoke up. Before joining in the dance! - -I took his advice. Before starting in the middle of the night, we had -been given a cold meal, potatoes, bully beef, and cheese. We had some -bread left. Having clubbed our provisions we ate our little feast on -the moss. - -"Like Robinson Crusoe, what!" - -I made a point of getting my companion to take the largest helps. - -When the last mouthful was swallowed, he lay down and shut his eyes. - -"What do you say to a little snooze?" - -I tried to imitate him, but could not get to sleep. A road ran through -the wood, about a hundred yards away. Endless vehicles passed along it -in an incessant string. My foot was not hurting me now. Why shouldn't I -push on as far as that? - -As I skirted our piles of arms I noticed an open haversack sprawling on -its back apart from the others. Some undergarments were hanging out, -and a squad book, and one or two other oddments were lying in the grass -a little farther on. - -I turned the offending object over with my foot and spelt the -inscription traced on the square of grey canvas. Then I shouted: - -"Judsi!" - -He was seated with several others about twenty yards off. - -"Judsi!" I repeated. - -His neighbour, Lamalou, nudged him. - -"Don't you hear the sergeant talking to you?" - -"Wot's wrong?" he said without moving. - -"Does this haversack belong to you?" - -"Wot 'aversack? Yes, it might." - -"What the deuce is it doing here?" - -"Anything wrong with it?" - -Judsi impertinently fixed his sly clown's eyes on me. - -"You know the captain will not have untidiness or disorder. Why is your -haversack open?" - -The blackguard pretended to consider the matter. - -"Probably ... 'cos it ain't shut!" - -This reply overjoyed his audience. Loriot slapped his thigh. Lamalou -nearly died with laughing. As for me, my cheeks burned. I went down -on one knee, and pulled the iron rations out of the haversack with a -jerk. Then I counted the biscuits. Ten instead of fourteen! Four were -missing. - -I went straight up to the man. - -"Judsi, what have you done with your biscuits?" - -"My biscuits?" - -He tossed his head with a monkey-like grimace. - -"No 'posse' either, p'r'aps!" - -"Answer me. Four are missing already!" - -"Ow dear, now, wot a business!" - -There was dead silence round us. They knew that matters were coming to -a head. - -"You know that we are strictly forbidden to touch the biscuits without -orders ..." I reminded him dryly. - -"Oo's orders? The ministers'?" - -Judsi looked round in search of applause. He did not get it. Loriot -alone sniggered in a foolish sort of way. Lamalou cut him short. - -"It's true enough that we have no right." - -I emphasised his words. - -"Lamalou knows well enough: he's seen some fighting and knows what it -is!" - -The ex-private in the African battalion again agreed. I continued: - -"You understand that I, personally, don't care a hang. But a time -might come when we were in a jolly tight hole and should be thankful -to have our biscuits. And then it's not for us to argue about it. If -it's forbidden, it's forbidden, and Sergeant Guillaumin and I are -responsible...." - -The argument carried weight. Somebody said: - -"Not worth getting slanged about!" - -Bouillon outdid him. - -"Strikes me it ain't the sergeants wot worries you." - -"You're right there!" - -They were agreed on that point. - -"Well, Judsi?" I began again less severely. - -He tried to get out of it. - -"W'en a bloke's starvin'!" - -"Starving! You've had your haversack rations." - -Bouillon gave him away. - -"'E didn't take 'em. Couldn't bovver wif carryin' 'em!" - -Judsi dropped some of his swagger. He got up sulkily, and slowly pulled -one, two, three biscuits out of his greatcoat pocket.... - -"And the fourth?" - -"Oh!... eaten!" - -"Well anyhow, put those back." - -He obeyed with very sour looks; then raising his clown's face, he said: - -"'Ave to put up with a empty stummick all day then?" - -"I don't want to get you into trouble," I said; "I shall not report -you. But let this be understood in future.... The biscuits are sacred, -see! Now...." - -I looked round the circle. - -"If your pals like to give up a little of their ration, that's their -affair. Another time they'll find some way of making you carry your -own...." - -This Solomon's judgment perplexed the audience. Bouillon saved the -situation by sticking a knife into a potato: - -"'Ere you are, Judsi. 'Ere's a pertater. It's one o' yours by rights. I -picked 'em up!" - -Gaudereaux split a piece of cheese. "Rooty?" Lamalou supplied some. - -"Take that you old blighter. But another time you better mind or I'll -catch you such a biff in the bottom ... just like the sergeant said." - -I went away in a state of naive contentment, thinking that I had not -done badly. For the first time I had a glimmering of the meaning of the -word Authority. To know how to command men! - -I saw Lieutenant Henriot coming towards me from the edge of the wood in -a state of wild excitement. He had his field-glasses in his hand. - -"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" he cried. "What on earth are we waiting for? I -ask you!" - -I suggested. - -"Well, but.... They seem to be holding us in reserve." - -"That's all very well for an hour! But ever since this morning! What -the devil is the use of us? Doesn't everything point to the fact -that we ought to go to the rescue instead of crossing our arms? No -orders.... No orders? And suppose the bearer of them has been killed -or taken prisoner! There's only one rule that counts: the same that -won all their victories for the Prussians in 1870. That is to keep on -till you get to the guns. They're near enough, in all conscience. Never -heard such a din." - -He continued: - -"And the moment was so well chosen! Look at all those chaps, how they -are aching to get to work!" - -I looked at him instead. Was he dreaming? The men were lying about in a -circle after their meal. They certainly seemed resigned to their lot, -but as for enthusiasm--not a sign of it. Nor even of that altogether -physical excitement of which people speak. Henriot obviously attributed -his own keenness to them. - -He was most certainly in a state of exaltation. Was he to be envied? -Probably. But my familiar spirit of analysis did not desert me. It was -useless to pretend that the approach of a battle absolutely changes -men's characters, that no one can say beforehand what he will do under -certain circumstances. Nonsense. I was quite convinced that I should -never be roused to acts of heroism and folly. All the better for that -matter. The primordial quality of self-possession was the greatest -safeguard for myself and for others. Poor Henriot. What childishness it -was to be so set upon hurling himself into the fray. What difference -would our presence make? Weren't we far better off resting in the shade -screened from the glare of the midday sun?... - -Descroix came and started Henriot off again. Fremont called me: - -"Halloa! I was looking for you! If you want to send your letters, -Dagomert is there on the road." - -He was the brigade motor-cyclist. - -"I'll go with you," I said. - -Dagomert, a tall, pale fellow, with a comical expression, -good-humouredly undertook our commission. - -"Hand 'em over. I've got piles more already. I hope to have the luck to -come across a post-office. They keep me on the run all right. I've just -come from Censenvoye. It's a business getting along the road with all -these troops, too!" - -I asked him if he knew anything about the battle. How were things going? - -He exclaimed: - -"We've just given them a fine doing!" - -"Seriously?" - -A thrill ran through me. But I mistrusted these tales. - -"We saw some wounded belonging to the 130th yesterday.... They didn't -think it much fun!" I objected. - -"I can understand that! Their regiment was wiped out!" - -"Well, then?" - -"That was just at the beginning! It was up to the Bosches to advance. -We let them cross the river.... Heavens! How they swarmed! Then all at -once the 75's began to talk!... Their bridges were smashed up at once. -And the arms and legs and heads that were flying about!... It appears -to have been highly entertaining!" - -"And now?" - -"We're pursuing them. Bringing up reinforcements, and masses of -artillery!" - -He added: - -"But we've been badly cut up!" - -"In ours?" - -"If you saw the ambulance, just over there!" - -Fremont interrupted: - -"Halloa! That our lot starting?" - -"Yes, there was something doing down there." - -"_Au revoir_, Dagomert, old chap!" - -We hurried along. The men had got their packs on, and were assembling -without any more signs of emotion than when starting for an ordinary -route march. The lieutenant's excitement was in striking contrast with -the phlegmatic appearance of the rest. He was fussing and running up -and down. - -"Entrenching tools.... Entrenching tools in your belts! Cartridges -where you can get at them!" - -"Don't you worry!" murmured Lamalou testing the mechanism of his rifle. - -Henriot came up at once. - -"Made up their minds at last. Not a bit too early either." - -He had a wild look in his eye. It pleased me to excite him still more: - -"Things are not going badly you know!" - -"What! What! Have you heard something?" - -I repeated the information the motor-cyclist had given us. He hurriedly -consulted his map. - -"On the bank, you say? We're pursuing them? Oh, but that means a great -victory!" - -The captain blew his whistle. We formed into a semi-circle. - -"My friends ..." he began. - -Armed with a piece of straw, Humel was tickling his neighbour's neck. -This childishness shocked me. - -The captain said only a few words. He was nothing of an orator. I -was afraid for a moment that his speech might end in gibbering. He -recovered himself and concluded. And the men seemed moved by it. It -didn't take much to do the trick! - -The company formed up again, by platoons, in columns of four. I -considered my companions, one by one, with passionate curiosity. - -Bouillon was licking his lips, topping that last bit of cheese! Judsi -had got hold of Simeon, and was ragging him, telling him that big louts -like him would be the first to be knocked out. Simeon was genuinely -amused by the idea. Lamalou was calmly blackening Icard's, the -miller's, sight. They might all have been a hundred miles away from the -battle-field where more than one of them would fall! - -And Guillaumin? I asked him how he felt. - -"Pretty fit, thanks. I've had a good nap!" - -It did not seem to occur to him that I might be solicitous about his -morale. - -They were all heroes then. My goodness no! Simply happy-go-lucky! There -was a slight distinction though, and whatever it was, they scored by -a propitious frame of mind. I was afraid that I might show up badly, -being the only one to remain clear-headed. What could be done about it? -I forced a wry smile. - -Then I saw that Corporal Donnadieu was looking very unhappy and -depressed. His nostrils looked pinched, and he was gazing at the -ground.... He was obviously not keen to fight. I felt sorry for him. He -was no doubt thinking of his wife, of his two children, one of them on -the way.... - -I caught sight of Fremont, standing stock-still in the rear of the -first platoon. I knew what he was dreaming of too. I repented at the -thought that I might have impaired his courage yesterday. A persistent -shadow seemed to have clouded his face ever since ... I only hoped that -he too might get through. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -THE BAPTISM OF FIRE - - -Once having left the wood, we reached the little hilltop of which I -have already spoken. - -In spite of having been told that the modern battle-field is empty, I -had never imagined anything so desert like as this. Not a man to be -seen in these fields which sloped gently downwards; it was abandoned -territory. - -The firing still continued to rage around us. We could even distinguish -a distant crackling now, either rifle-firing or shrapnel, a sign that -we were getting nearer. - -When we passed by a Calvary, I saw some of the men sign themselves, -Gaudereaux and Trichet among others. They would never have done it -during manoeuvres. Why was I inclined to see in this Calvary one of the -points which would decide the fate of the struggle? I think I must have -been hypnotised by the remembrance of the one at Isly. I recollected -Zola's superb pages in _La Debacle_. Another passage which recurred to -my mind was the description of Waterloo in _La Chartreuse_ for which I -had had a great admiration ever since my schooldays. I was tempted to -compare myself with Fabrice. How far removed I was from his freshness -of spirit, his youthful enthusiasm. - -Guillaumin suddenly signed to me. - -"Just look at that!" - -Down below us, yonder, there rose a puff of smoke, then another nearer; -a third; all in a line. They might have been little bonfires lit by an -invisible hand. The bursting points of shells! - -The noise of the short sharp reports reached us. - -"Look out," Guillaumin whispered to me. "They're lengthening their -range!" - -We had stopped, silent and nonplussed. The captain galloped along the -line. - -"To fifty paces--extend." - -Henriot bellowed, repeating the order. There was no panic. I think no -one had fully realised yet that those slight puffs which had appeared -were a direct menace to us. - -We had taken up the extended order and went on marching, but with -rather broken ranks. - -"Close up! Close up!" shouted Henriot. - -He was running. I noticed that he had drawn his sword. It was very -funny. Did he think that he was about to charge? He tried to put it -back into the sheath. He stumbled. The men nudged each other with their -elbows. A pint of good blood! - -Our "connecting file" rushed up. - -"Blob formation!" - -Henriot, who was still struggling with his scabbard, hesitated. Then he -shouted: - -"Left incline! No. Right incline! No. As you were!" - -"He's all at sea!" said Guillaumin. - -Suddenly.... What was happening? Something whistled past. - -"Lie down!" - -I threw myself down, and the men too, without waiting for the order. -One did it instinctively. - -"Testudos! Testudos!" bellowed Henriot, in an extraordinarily shrill -voice. - -There was a gigantic explosion close at hand; the ground shook. We were -lying _pele-mele_, wherever we'd happened to fall, in groups of eight -or ten, and covering much too much ground. - -"Close! Close!" I shouted. "Glue yourselves on to each other." - -But the ground was shaken again, some flints were sent flying against -us. No one stirred. What an instant that was. I hardly dared to look -round. As far as the eye could see our men were scattered over the -ground in little driblets in the same way in which water spilt on a -pavement trickles into tiny pools. - -I had predicted that I would be clear-headed. - -Shells poured from the radiant sky, preceded by their awe-inspiring -blast. We realised which were meant for us, and would fall within a -radius of two or three hundred yards. If a single one hit the mark -nothing would be left of us but a bleeding mass. O God of Chance! I -humbly placed myself in His hands. Second after second passed in the -expectation of annihilation. Then I recovered a certain amount of -detachment in the thought that I had lost all control over my fate. My -thoughts were in a whirl. Life was a fine thing. I might have employed -the time allotted to me very differently. My youth contained nothing. I -detested Laquarriere. I had made a mess of my share of existence! And -mixed with these regrets was a new hope hard to explain. - -How many minutes had passed. There was a lull. A voice was raised; it -was Bouillon's. - -"Nobody killed!" - -The relief of it! We raised ourselves up on to our knees. Some -aeroplanes were circling above us. Taubes, of course! - -"Up you get!" - -The neighbouring section had started off again. We advanced rapidly. -Our connecting file came towards us at the double. - -"By sections!" - -Henriot repeated: - -"Dreher, Guillaumin, by sections!" - -We looked at each other, then I exclaimed: - -"Come along, the 2nd with me!" - -The men did not seem to understand. - -"Bouguet, Donnadieu." - -Guillaumin had gone off to rally his thirty _poilus_. - -Mine at last made up their minds to follow me, in some disorder. - -What formation ought we to adopt? Two deep? Columns of four? -Consult Henriot? I hailed him. Waste of energy. He went off making -incomprehensible signals to Guillaumin. We must make the best of it. - -"Two deep! Two deep!" - -The booming began again ... for us, this lot! - -"Kneel!" - -I shook Simeon by the shoulder! - -"Close! Testudos!" - -A few actually remembered what to do--Lamalou and Bouillon. They stuck -their heads between the legs of the men kneeling in front of them. -Their neighbours imitated them. - -I had been the last to get down, at the head of my small column. There -was no one for me to shelter behind, so I ran a greater risk than any -of the others. - -"Get back here, Sergeant," said Corporal Bouguet, "we'll make room for -you!" - -I crawled back, and slipped in between him and Trichet. - -"Thanks!" - -I was guilty of a little bit of bluff and stuck my head out. There was -a regular hurricane going on. All round us there were great spurts of -smoke and dust, and clods of earth were hurled against us. But the pack -seemed a great protection, and I felt that we were not very vulnerable -really. Some shells did not burst, and I made a remark to that effect. - -I had to watch the movements of the neighbouring sections in order to -conform to them. - -They were going on again. - -"Advance!" - -We went on. - -"Pretty hot stuff!" said Judsi. "We ought to go in zigzags, best way to -get through," he advised. - -I approved. - -Judsi's right. The range only varies in depth. - -We were beginning to distinguish the sound of the different shells -through this infernal din. The big ones were always impressive; we -frankly snapped our fingers at the smaller ones. - -"Is that all?" said Bouguet as a splinter of shrapnel bounced off his -pack. - -"Listen!" Lamalou exclaimed, "there are the 75's letting loose." - -I don't know what we expected. A miracle--the immediate cessation of -the enemy's fire. We were disillusioned. It redoubled in intensity. -One or two shells again fell near by. - -"Ah!" exclaimed Bouguet. "That got 'em!" - -"Who?" - -"The lads of No. 1! Fell slap in the middle of 'em." - -A shiver ran down my back. I only hoped to goodness that Fremont -was all right. Looking round I saw haggard faces turned towards us. -Corporal Donnadieu was deadly white. I forced a smile and shouted: - -"Halloa there! How are you getting along?" - -"So, so," said Lamalou. - -I nearly tripped over a black, cylinder-shaped mass. - -"Look out there. A 'dud'!" - -They avoided it and Bouillon said: - -"Lucky you gave tongue like that. I was just going to tip it a hefty -biff." - -How long did that march under artillery fire last? We covered a good -bit of ground, two or three broad undulations. We halted, and reformed -and advanced. From time to time we came across an enormous hole, five -or six feet across and three feet deep, which we had to go round. - -"Pretty useful, their 'coal boxes,' to make such pits." - -Happily, Judsi, cried: - -"They're digging a grave for the Kaiser!" - -My one idea was to keep my intervals. - -Bouillon asked me whether a river we were coming to was the Meuse. - -I made him repeat it. A river? Why so there was.... The Othain perhaps? -For everyone was talking about it.... - -"How are we to get across? Swim?" - -I was asking myself the same question. The bursts of firing grew less -frequent. We advanced in rushes, for longer distances, but not so fast. -We felt comparatively safe. Our attention was beginning to wander.... - -"Lie down! We're in for it now!" - -There was a terrible explosion close by, on our left ... a flash, and a -stinging blast. I saw Bouguet put his hand up to his cap; a bit of the -peak had gone. - -Looking up, I shouted: - -"Anything the matter?" - -"Yes!" - -The squall was not over. Never mind that! I ran along. A man was -writhing on the ground. - -"It's Blanchet," said Judsi. - -"Where's he hit?" - -"In the bread-basket." - -The poor fellow was lying doubled up on his side. He was holding back -his guts with his two hands stuck through a hole in his greatcoat. At -a movement he made to push his gun aside, I caught sight of them.... I -was petrified with horror, just as I had been one evening when I had -seen a child pulled from under a tram. But I realised that everyone's -gaze was fixed on me. I said: - -"Donnadieu, he's in your half-section, isn't he?" - -The corporal did not answer. His face was mottled, and there were beads -of perspiration on his forehead. - -"You must ... take away his ammunition!" I continued. - -He hesitated, then bent down with terrible repugnance, and touched the -wounded man's cartridge-pouches. He had some difficulty in opening -them, because his hands were trembling. - -Blanchet was giving in, his eyes were growing dim, and yet he had the -courage to move a little to enable us to undo his haversack, which was -also emptied. I repeated: - -"Come along! Come along. Hurry up!" - -Donnadieu murmured: - -"I say, Sergeant, surely you won't leave him like that?" - -I read in his eyes the vague hope of staying behind, of slinking -away.... - -"Come along! We must catch the others up!" I said impatiently. - -Then less harshly: - -"The stretcher party will come and pick him up; they are sure not to be -far off." - -I bent down over the wounded man: - -"Do you hear, old chap?" - -He gave me a poignant look, without uttering a word. I stammered: - -"You'll be all right, you'll find! _Au revoir!_" - -Then raising myself I added more firmly: - -"And now we must get on!" - -The men followed me, but there were some very painful moments to be got -through. - -"The father of a family!" signed Simeon who knew him. - -Our column was lengthening. I waited for the stragglers. - -"Come along! Donnadieu, Trichet!..." - -The ground sloped down towards the river. We were surprised by a -strange, fetid smell in the air, which was oddly out of keeping with -this harmonious countryside, gilded by the summer. We tried to make out -what it was. - -"Corpses!" - -"And not French ones either!" - -It was a fact that these grey forms lying in the grass were Germans--a -regular hecatomb. Rows upon rows of dead bodies, which, in some places, -we had to step over.... When had they fallen there? A day or two before -no doubt. The men drew each other's attention to some ravens wheeling -overhead or perched near by, croaking. - -_Pouah!_ - -I thought of nothing but how to keep my nose covered. The men were less -horrified, and seemed on the contrary interested, some of them almost -amused. They were brutes, at heart, with no respect for anything! - -Lamalou made a vile remark, revived from Sylla: - -"It's Bosche. It smells good!" - - - - -CHAPTER X - -A MOMENT'S RESPITE - - -We reached the river which I afterwards discovered was the Loison. -There was no difficulty there. Some foot-bridges had been erected, -which bent beneath our weight till they touched the water. - -On the other bank we were greeted by some Engineers. - -"We've been working the water-wheel for you foot-sloggers! Isn't that -worth a drink?" - -We replied: - -"In Berlin!" - -The torrent of shells still continued, but passed over our heads. Our -field-guns retorted, but only feebly, as we were well aware. - -We began to clamber up the other side of the valley. More corpses! On -our right we could see the smoking ruins of a village. But our morale -had much improved, for we had just crossed the water-bed where the -enemy's efforts had spent themselves in vain for three whole days. - -Pffmm...! Pffmm...! We looked up. - -"Pills?" - -Bullets. Yes! An unpleasant sensation. - -In the fields on a line with us, we caught sight of isolated soldiers -(rotters--the lost lot), lying down or cowering on the ground, others -dragging themselves along on their knees, or limping along. Where the -deuce was the enemy? Perhaps at the edge of that wood about twelve -hundred yards away, but invisible, needless to say. - -A bank skirted a cross-road running along the side of the hill. We went -towards it. Cover! Everyone felt the need of a real halt. The wish was -fulfilled. We formed into sections. - -Guillaumin greeted me with: - -"Any of you hit? I was very much afraid so, for a minute!" - -"A man named Blanchet," I said; "a splinter in the stomach!" - -"Poor devil! Two kids, I believe!" - -"And what about your lot?" - -"Nobody. Not like the first. A shell made an awful mess of them." - -"Fremont?" - -"He wasn't touched, luckily." - -Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, joined us. - -"Halloa, you chaps, going strong?" - -We answered cordially: - -"Not so bad for a start." - -"We've done jolly well!" he said with naive delight. - -The captain came up accompanied by two subalterns. Some of the men -began to get up. - -"Stay as you are. It's not worth getting you fired at!" - -"And what about you, sir!" Lamalou remarked. - -"Oh, I'm taboo!" - -The other gazed at him. The captain repeated: - -"They can't do me any harm to-day!" - -He smiled, his moustache bristling slyly. Then, turning to one of his -companions: - -"Pleased with your N.C.O.'s, Henriot?" - -"Very much pleased, sir! Dreher and Guillaumin especially have done -remarkably well!..." - -"I was sure of it." - -They went off. Guillaumin whispered: - -"All over us, isn't he?" - -He was joking, but I felt that he was touched and proud, dear chap that -he was. - - * * * * * - -This rest did us both harm and good. Good, because we recovered from -our exhaustion. We had a drink and a bite. Harm, because we softened -and no one wanted to go on again. - -An intermittent firing went on. Pffmm...! A bullet!... another!... and -another!... Judsi pretended to catch them. - -We heard that a man had just been killed in Ravelli's platoon, a bullet -through his head. Confound it! We bent down. It was oppressively hot. - -Then the artillery started off again. The order was passed along to lie -down and protect our heads with our packs. The cartridge-pouches caused -us agony. We stayed like that for nearly three-quarters of an hour. The -men grew restless, and would rather have done a bolt, even forwards. I -was the only one, I believe, to prefer the fatigue and less risk. - -Henriot came to warn us to be ready. - -We were. Some of the men readjusted their belts and straps. - -A company on our right, the 23rd, was starting. Bouguet, who was -watching it, exclaimed: - -"Lawks. They're going down like ninepins!" - -Guillaumin gave me a short lecture. All the theories they had taught -us at the "Peloton" were out of date, all the supposed lessons of -the Russo-Japanese war! The movements now must be carried out in -established formations, sections for preference. The advantage of it -was that the men felt they had support. Yes, but what a target they -offered for the machine-guns in ambush. - -Whom should I see appearing at my side but De Valpic, who crawled up. - -"I wanted to come and wish you good luck," he said simply. - -"Very nice of you!" - -Lifting up my water-bottle, I said: - -"Have a drink?" - -"No thanks, Fremont gave me some water." - -I was surprised. I had thought that that was the errand he had come -on. But I was mistaken. He went away again. It was a purely friendly -proceeding. - -The order to start was delayed. Even I began to get impatient. -Guillaumin, who had gone off, reappeared and confided in me that there -had been great excitement. - -The captain had just discovered Descroix tearing off his stripes. - -"What an idea!" - -"On the pretext that N.C.O.'s are marked particularly." - -"Well?" - -"It turned out badly. The captain called him ... a coward. He defended -himself and contended that there was no need for him to get himself -killed for nothing!" - -"No one is ever killed for nothing!" the other answered. "And as to -your stripes, if you daren't wear them, I'll relieve you of them!" - -"The captain's a fool!" I said. - -"Do you think so?" - -"Certainly! It's probably true that the Bosches mark the N.C.O.'s." - -Goodness knows I held no brief for Descroix, but Guillaumin disgusted -me then with his little heroic sniffs. - -I had decided to use my pack as a shield. I told him. - -"Pooh! Do you think that's any good?" - -I implored him to follow my example. It was sufficient protection -against grape-shot. He ended by allowing himself to be convinced, and -gave the same advice to the men who for the most part did not follow it. - -Henriot, on his knees, was watching for the signal and giving us -endless pieces of advice in an under-tone. - -"You'll all start at once. Keep your eyes fixed on me, see? At the -double. Is that clear? And as for firing, be careful about that. Be -sure to wait for the order to fire!" - -"Talk away," muttered Lamalou; "think we're going to wait for your -bally permission when we get a sight of the Bosches?" - -The whistle was blown. - -"Advance!" shouted the subaltern. - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -A MUCH STIFFER MATTER - - -We had hardly taken fifteen steps when the whistle began in our ears -again! We threw ourselves down. But not quickly enough! Our left -hesitated ... and got mixed. - -"Scatter! Can't you? You ..." I shouted. - -A man spun round and fell. - -Henriot bellowed: - -"Can't you lie down?" - -But his voice hardly reached us. - -"Why doesn't he lie down himself?" said Judsi. "Wot's the sense in it?" - -He added: - -"Pore Simeon. See wot a bloomin' pirouette 'e made. Didn't I say 'e was -too tall!" - -The firing slackened off, but we naturally saw nothing. A new rush--too -long that one! Pffmm.... Crack! We were enveloped in a noise like the -snapping of straps. A man fell not far from me, and the fellow next him -looked as if he were going to stop. - -"No, no! There isn't time," I shouted. - -"Run! Run!" shouted Henriot. - -It was easily said! - -We had just gone into a ploughed field, and the earth stuck to our -shoes. - -"Will you run?" repeated the subaltern in a feverish tone. - -I began to trot ponderously, steadying my water-bottle and my -haversack. Two or three of the men did the same, but at the end of -twenty yards we gave it up, out of breath.... - -I turned round and saw one of my chaps fall. I ran up. - -"Well, Loriot, what's up now?" - -"Oh, the blighters!" he groaned. "Oh, the bloody bastards!" - -"What's the matter?" - -His hands were glued to his front. He shrieked. - -"Ow! my rupture!" - -It was put on. I was not going to be caught! - -"Get up!" - -"Not much!" - -I shook him. - -"Up you get, Loriot!" - -While he was going into contortions the others were gaining ground. -Infuriated I yelled in his ear: - -"You could be shot for this!" - -But I suddenly felt doubtful. Was he really shamming? Tears were oozing -out of his eyes. - -"It's because I ran," he groaned. - -The rest was lost.... He abruptly unbuckled his belt, and his braces. -I bent down; there was a lump as big as my fist.... He hiccoughed, and -vomited. - -Stupefied and sickened, I stammered: - -"Yes, yes.... Then.... St-tay where you are!" - - * * * * * - -All I had to do was to catch up with the rest. But now a new storm of -bullets began to whizz by--thicker than ever--buzzing like a swarm of -bees.... And, Pap! Pap! Parapap! Pap!... There surely must have been a -mitrailleuse in action. - -I was alone. I no longer had the support of friendly presences. I did -not take more than thirty yards. Good God! I suddenly collapsed. I -hurled myself on to the ground. - -My temples were throbbing. I could not get my breath. What did my life -hang on? A thread! Pfffff! Pffmm.... If one of these sinister flies -touched me ... there would be nothing left. The horror of such near -annihilation ... suffocated me. Nothing!... The black chasm.... I did -not want to.... - -With my mouth open I convulsively breathed the air. I soaked myself in -the supreme sweetness of things ... the dazzling sun, the transparent -sky, the green fields spread in my sight, and the blue curtain of the -woods, encircling the clear horizon...! - -Pffmm! Less than two yards from my face a little dust arose, a clod -had been hit by a bullet. I buried my head in the furrow. I dreamt of -digging a hole, and burying myself in it, alive! - -My section was almost disappearing yonder, nearly two hundred yards -away.... I suddenly regained consciousness. What was I doing? I was a -coward then? - -A coward? The word hurt me! Stay here behind. Oh, if only I had a -wound! How I longed for one, no matter how bad a one as long as it was -not mortal!... Or a sprain. I twisted my ankle and--must I confess -it--pressed on it with all my strength. - -There was nothing to be done! The ligaments held. As a matter of fact -I soon gave it up, realising that I must go on. It had got to be done! - -I was just about to overtake my section when there was a new unexpected -noise ... like a huge piece of calico being torn.... They were opening -fire farther down the line. But upon what? Nobody knew, but it was the -signal for everyone to let fly. Instantly there was a crackle from one -end of our line to the other. - -When I came up some of the men turned round to look at me. - -"Here's the sergeant!" - -"Didn't expect to see you again!" - -"Why not?" - -"Thought you must be dead!" - -"Oh, rot!" - -Did I redden. Bouguet whispered to me: - -"You must keep your eyes open. Some of 'em try to do a bunk on the -Q.T.!" - -I did not feel quite sure that he was not pulling my leg. Henriot -bellowed: - -"Yes, yes. Keep it up. Fire away!" - -No detail as to the sight, or target, or the length of range. A man was -missing! Guillaumin who crawled past, exclaimed: - -"You ought to have been there, you see!" - -Henriot now corrected himself: - -"Cease firing! Advance!" - -He got up and repeated the order. Nobody stirred. He lay down again and -looked at us as if asking for advice. I pretended not to notice it. The -men feverishly continued to bring their rifles to the shoulder, fire -them, and reload. - -I dropped on Moulard who was lying just behind Trichet and barely -escaped hitting him at every shot he fired. Trichet drew back looking -dazed, without seeming to understand. - -The worthy Gaudereaux who was beside him was firing precipitously. - -But at what? At what? - -In his agitation he got his lock jammed. I took hold of his rifle which -burnt my hand. It took me a long while to repair the damage and I -repeated: - -"Why, in thunder, are you so set on playing with your trigger?" - -Our losses were still slight. Only one man hit, in Guillaumin's -section. But on ahead I caught sight of a barbed-wire entanglement -surrounding a field. An unpleasant obstacle! And it was in our sector -all right! - -There was probably a ditch too. Henriot shouted: - -"Here goes for cover!" - -He started off courageously, and this time the men followed him. We -covered the intervening space in a single rush, a foolish mistake which -cost us two men. Judsi delighted his lads by imitating a horse's gallop. - -The bullets shrieked over our heads as we crouched in the ditch. We let -off a few desultory shots on the chance of hitting something. A minute -or two passed. The subaltern was worrying about how to cross this -entanglement!... - -"It's quite simple," said Guillaumin. "Who's got the wire-nippers?" - -"I have," said Corporal Bouguet. - -Henriot hesitated: - -"They'd better...." - -"What?" - -"Be made use of...." - -"Very good, sir." - -Bouguet calmly got up, and climbed out of the ditch. He knelt up and -set to work. - -"Good for you, Corporal!" shouted Bouillon. - -It was a thrilling moment. The bullets whizzed and whistled all round -him. He was a hero. He took his time about it, and it was a miracle -that he was not hit ten times over! - -"Will that do?" he asked. - -"Excellently!" - -He passed through the gap he had made and went and lay down in the -field. - -How tempted I was to admire him, but I restrained the impulse. He -simply had no nerves, that was all. As for me my temperament forbade -such achievements.... - -"Our turn now," said the lieutenant. "Follow me." - -He made a dash and slipped through. He was not touched either. A great -piece of luck. But then suddenly he lost his head and began to run -forward all alone through the hail of bullets, without looking round. -He went on for about fifty yards, then stopped, and disappeared into -the hole made by a shell, in all probability. Yes, he had to call to us -from there. His arm waved. We realised that he would never dare to come -back to fetch us! - -"Well, now we're in command of the platoon!" Guillaumin said to me. -"Let's each take charge of our men, what?" - -He added: - -"We must get on!" - -"Who'll go first?" I asked. - -"I will, if you like." - -He raised his voice to give his orders: - -"When you get through, advance in skirmishing order by the right." - -He sent two men on ahead, and then joined them. The rest crowded -through. There were no hitches until it got to the last men, two of -whom fell, one killed outright, the other wounded. - -"I say, get them to fire a round!" shouted Guillaumin. - -I gave the order for a volley. It was distinctly thin, and besides -that, his men, having cleared the obstacle, stupidly inclined to the -left. We were firing straight into their backs. I had some difficulty -in getting my men to cease firing. - -Bouillon said to me: - -"The lucky chaps!" - -"Why?" - -"To have gone through first!" - -They had left two dead men behind them, whose bodies half filled up the -gap. - -Our turn now. - -I felt strangely detached. I watched myself get up and heard myself -telling off the three men nearest to me: - -"Get on, you, and you, and you!" - -They went, much against their will. - -"Get a move on!" - -The first man lost his balance just as he got to the entanglement, and -fell back into the ditch. The others immediately flung themselves back -again. - -I turned to the next two: - -"You show them the way, Trichet and Bouillon!" - -Bouillon looked at me imploringly, and neither of them budged an inch. - -Pffmm! Pffmm! went the bullets above us! - -"Aren't you ever coming?" shouted Guillaumin. - -"No. 2 section is just as good as No. 1 section, surely!" I exclaimed. - -Somebody muttered: - -"After you!" - -I implored Bouillon to try and get one or two through. - -He sighed, and called out: - -"Villain ... and Judsi, old chap, aren't you going to show them how?" - -"You don't mean it?" said Judsi. - -He came rolling along. Villain stood up with difficulty. - -"Aa-h!" - -His head burst like a hand-grenade. - -Judsi ducked, giving vent to Cambronne's historical exclamation. -Shaking like an aspen I wiped my sleeve on the grass. - -At that instant a shot rang out among our men. What clumsiness! Beside -myself, I shouted: - -"Donnadieu!" - -The corporal answered from his half-section. Was he there? Yes, I -caught sight of him and went up to him. - -"Donnadieu," I said excitedly, "I'm going on with some of the men. -You'll shove the others along, see?... Kick them if necessary." - -He looked down, and muttered something. I caught the word "wounded." - -"What wounded? You wounded?" - -This expression of misery and terror on his face ... his rifle lying on -the ground. With his right hand he took hold of the other fist, and -raised it with difficulty to show me.... - -Blood was dripping from his hand. The middle finger was in a horrid -mess and hung down limply, by a strand of skin; a fragment of bone was -sticking out. - -"Poor old chap ..." I began. - -But I suddenly had an intuition. The man's eyes avoided me. - -"It's a put-up job," I shouted down his ear; "you've done it yourself!" - -I shook him roughly by the shoulder. The wretched creature tottered, -and fell on his side, protecting his mutilated hand. - -"You hound!" - -I ground my teeth: - -"A good job if it kills you!" - -I believe that in my rage I went so far as to kick him.... One's own -weak moments are so easily forgotten.... I was choking with anger -and disgust, and the agony too of being unequal to my task.... I was -responsible; and we were hanging back behind all the others, making a -gap in the front of attack. - -Our comrades who had gone on began to abuse us. - -"A lot o' bloomin' funks!" - -"Going to stay behind are you?" - -I was forced to act. I felt my mind lashed by the burning blast of -decision. - -I began by rebuckling my pack behind my shoulders. Freedom for one's -arms was an obvious necessity. - -I stood up and said in a firm tone: - -"We've not done yet; we've got to get through!" - -My cheeks were scorching. Everyone was looking at me. I think I gave -the impression of the most absolute coolness. - -"Come along! Come along! Bouillon...!" - -I reached the gap without hurrying myself. Pffmm! Pffmm! That terrible -buzzing.... I got through and shouted imperiously: - -"Hurry up! Hurry up there!" - -I was standing up. I had set them in motion. Bouillon, Lamalou, and -some others hurried along, bending down.... Someone shouted: - -"Lie down, Sergeant, lie down!" - -I lost all consciousness of what was passing. I was thinking of a -thousand other things--of my brother.... I calmly wondered if he had -been killed in this way. However, some instinct urged me to kneel down, -and then the realisation of the danger we were in seized me.... If only -I could have thrown myself down and lain still! But ten of my men were -still on the other side. I felt bound to wait until the last one had -come through. And they did not hurry themselves! How bitter I felt. All -my senses were waking up again. I was annoyed with myself for exposing -myself like this, but I could not prevent myself from doing so. - -I had got them all over at last! Guillaumin got his _poilus_ together -for a new rush. - -"Advance!" - -Nobody dropped out; nobody, that is, except two poor lads who were -killed on the spot. - -"At the gallop!" cried Judsi, who was once more pretending to be a -horse. - -I signed to them to keep extended order. We ran along like that for -about one hundred yards, almost without casualties, and then crowded -all together behind a narrow tank. - -There was heavy firing for a few minutes; a relaxation for the nerves! -Two hundred and fifty yards! At the edge of the wood! Fire! I had given -my orders quite at random. - -Bouillon assured me emphatically that he could make out the peaked -helmets. I, too, was firing madly, as an excuse for giving no more -directions. - -I suddenly saw Henriot beside me; he shouted: - -"Cease firing!" - -And leaning towards me, said: - -"Steady on; you must husband your ammunition! And the show's over for -to-day!" - -Over? It was only then that I noticed that the sun had just -disappeared, that the night was falling. The engrossing struggle had -robbed us of all idea of time. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -WE COLLECT OURSELVES - - -"No! Call yourselves _poilus_!" Bouillon exclaimed. - -We looked at each other, and at the strained faces smeared with sweat -and powder, the torn greatcoats, the knees and hands covered with -earth. But what a feeling of buoyancy! In me most of all! I dared not -predict the issue of the battle. Victory or defeat, that seemed of very -slight importance to me, I admit, compared with the fact that I was -still alive. - -The night was falling. Behind us was the river, indicated by the dark -waving of the willow-trees and in the distance the slopes of the -farther bank were all enveloped in a haze of wan violet tones. - -The captain was on his rounds. - -"Well, what did you think of it, Dreher?" he asked me. - -"Most interesting, sir!" - -He went away, after giving me a cordial glance from his piercing eyes. - -I sounded Henriot. Was there any hope of a distribution of...? - -"None at all! Ssh! Don't let's talk about that!" - -Certain measures were taken in view of a possible attack, and some -rough trenches made. I wondered that volunteers were found for -sentry-duty, and others for a fatigue party, led by Guillaumin, in -search of water. - -The latter for that matter looked after everything. He had directed -the trench-digging and had made out the casualty returns, and then, -being quite indefatigable, he left us to go and get news of the other -platoons. - -Rolled up in my great-coat, I was wishing for nothing so much as a -doze, when he reappeared. - -"Well?" - -"I say, I've just heard a heart-breaking bit of news!" - -"What? Who?" - -"Poor little Fremont!" - -I raised myself on my elbow: - -"Oh. Is he hit?" - -"Badly hit, apparently!" - -My heart contracted. What a nightmare! That child who had been with me -on the highroad yesterday, whom I had led on...! I saw him growing pale -at the sight of the stretchers ... was it a presentiment...? And I had -a vision of him on the bench in the garden the other day, folding his -darling in his arms. - -Guillaumin's thoughts had kept pace with mine. - -"His wife," he said. "How sad it is! And you know she was expecting ... -that they ... had hopes...." - -"Yes, I know." - -We were silent for a moment. Dull misery was brewing in me. Then -Guillaumin got up; he wanted to spend his night beside his men. - -"And I," I said, in a strangled voice, "you have no suspicions?" - -"You! What about it?" - -"My brother...." - -"Well?" - -"Has been killed." - -"You're mad! How in the world could you know?" - -"I heard it this morning." - -He stammered: - -"You.... Your brother ... the subaltern?" - -"Yes." - -He seized my hand. - -"Michel.... Why ... didn't you tell me about it?" - -My Christian name! I had quite got out of the habit of hearing it. -I was touched, and pressed his warm hands. Tears rose to my eyes. I -experienced the sad and yet sweet consolation which the affection of -living people brings in the presence of death. He was a true friend. -I admired the delicacy which made him hold his peace; so many people -would have thought of nothing at that moment except of lavishing a flow -of unmeaning words on me. He silently shared in my mourning. - -At last he said simply: - -"I am thinking of my sister. If I were killed ... or if she were to -die!..." - -He lingered for a few minutes, sitting beside me in the grass. There -was a hallowed silence.... Friendship, the purest of manly sentiments, -revealed itself to me in force.... - -I was the one to suggest he should go; he needed his sleep. - -We pressed hands again. - -"Mind you sleep, Michel." - -"Good-night, Claude...." - -He went away. I leaned my forehead on my arm, and tried to get to -sleep, but my face was burning. What strange tumultuous thoughts -besieged me. - -I caught myself repeating: "Victor, my poor Victor!" But this time -something was rent asunder. A veil fell. The artificial atmosphere -in which all my joys and sorrows had been deadened for so long was -dissipated. - -My man's heart began to bleed. I became conscious of my grief. Without -diminishing it I could now compare it, without blasphemy, with that -other, into which the death of my mother had formerly plunged me. A -double regret, identical, I felt in its essential point, for these two -beings were of my blood, my nearest relations, a little of myself. Part -of my life and future were buried with them. I understood now what an -irrecoverable part my brother had played in my life. I had loved him -when a child, and my childhood would never be renewed. Our gaze and -our minds had awakened to the same things. A thousand memories were -ours, ours alone. O Victor, I remembered the grace of your eighth, your -tenth year. Our wild games in the big house at Tours, and in the summer -holidays in the big garden at Embermenil. I admired you and adored you, -my strong elder brother, who never abused your strength, who used to -consent to being the "horse," out of your turn very often, so that I -might hold the reins. When you brought friends home you did not like -me, the youngest of the band, to be "ticked," and when I was "it" too -long, you let yourself be caught on purpose. - -I could remember my brother leaving for La Fleche as clearly as if it -had been yesterday. I was inconsolable. I was seven years old, and in -my unhappiness I refused to eat any pudding for a whole week! - -I was just beginning to write. With a great effort I managed to cover a -page for him every week. When he came back at Christmas, looking very -smart in his new uniform, how delighted, how overjoyed I had been. - -And then, little by little, we had drifted apart. - -My brother! I had not really known him! I never should know him. Oh, -the anguish of that thought. The fault had been on my side, for he in -his affection had made many advances. The hope of putting an end to the -misunderstanding between us never left him. Even quite lately certain -words of his showed his fondness for me. But I had always repulsed -him--he was shy, in spite of his handsome energetic appearance--by my -arrogance and coldness. - -Why had I decreed, ever since I was sixteen, that it was absurd for -men to kiss, and at our next meeting had put out my hand to stop his -customary greeting? - -How many times, it was more like a hundred than one, he must have been -grieved by my harshness and indifference before having resigned himself -to it. And had he ever resigned himself to it? - -Was it necessary that he should fall, to bring me to repentance. Alas! -If only he could have seen me now, me the egoist, pouring out bitter, -precious tears for him, the first for ten years. - -I seemed to have been born anew to the deeper human feelings. Access -to a sublime region was given back to me. My heart, which had been -shrivelled and hardened for so long, softened and expanded. In a -transport of generosity I tried to think who there was still left for -me to love on earth. - -The thought of my sister-in-law occurred to me first. I knew that, in -her great love for Victor, she would have welcomed me as a brother -as eagerly as she had welcomed a father. It was I again who had -discouraged her advances. I reproached myself for it. I foresaw the -hope of atoning for it. This death would create certain duties for me. -Madeleine had lost her parents, she had no relations except a married -sister at Versailles. When once my father had gone, I should be the -head of the family, the children's natural guardian. - -I thought of the little things' future. I would look after Xavier's -education, and guide him towards a fine career. And I saw the little -girl grow up. We would let her marry where her heart led her. - -I thought of my father with reverence too. Our sorrow drew us nearer -to each other. I imagined him being abandoned by his strength, when -he heard the news. My courage and my pity would support him without -humiliating him. I even dreamt that his love, robbed of its object, -would end by being concentrated entirely upon me. Was it only a fancy? -I remembered his clasp, and his voice which changed when we bid each -other farewell. - -Thus my thoughts strayed to each of my dear ones. I paused at each -vision to enjoy it. But it seemed to me that behind them all another -was hiding, undecided whether to appear or not! Suddenly a light shone -forth ... a silhouette rose up, of a child, slim and fair, with a grave -sweet smile, and tender eyes. It was such a dazzling apparition that -I thought of adorning it and setting it up as a secret goddess in the -inmost depths of my being to preside over my regeneration. - -I tried to sweep aside the idol, to dispel the nimbus of illusions.... -What did an exchange of post-cards, as a continuation of our talks in -the holidays, signify? - -The phantom refused to fade away; it reigned, pure and enthralling, in -my consciousness. It was becoming an obsession. I decided to get up and -take a turn. - -The silent night enveloped everything, things and people, our line -and the enemy's. Most of the men were sleeping, tired out, but the -sentries, standing a few yards ahead, peered into the mysterious -darkness. - -In No. 2 platoon some of the men were still talking below their breath. -I recognised the voices of Judsi and Corporal Bouguet. - -"There ain't nothing wrong with the lieutenant, but 'e loses 'is 'ead!" - -"Tell you who's a bit of all right, and that's the sergeants!" - -"As for Dreher, 'e knocked me silly, that 'e did. 'E's a cove wot won't -stop at nothink, 'e is." - -I did not listen any longer, but passed by, smiling. I was touched, -and surprised at being so. And I thought, "Father, father, if only you -could hear them!..." - - - - -_BOOK VI_ - -_August 14th-25th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -A VICTORIOUS DAWN - - -The cold woke me as usual. I was stiff with cramp from my left shoulder -down to my hip.... It would be a miracle if we did not all get our -deaths of rheumatism. - -An oppressive silence reigned. I put my hand out to feel the grass damp -with dew. I could make out the shadow of my comrades a few yards away. - -I rubbed myself and stretched my muscles. I was really remarkably -fit on the whole, and the excruciating contraction in my side soon -disappeared. I looked out. The Huns yonder must be dreading our -awakening. I tried to recall the magnanimous feelings with which I had -lulled myself to sleep a few hours ago, but I was too drowsy. Only one -vision consented to charm me, the face of a young girl. - -"At the wheel already, Dreher?" - -It was the subaltern. He told me he had not slept much. - -"There might have been a counter-attack! I had to keep on at my -rounds!" - -When he was just on the point of going away, he said: - -"I say, Dreher, I hear, that is, Guillaumin told me, your brother...!" - -"Oh, so you know about it. It has been a great blow!" - -"We'll revenge him all right," he assured me. - -A lot of good that would do me, I thought. - -There was nothing to show where the east was. An indefinite brightness -however replaced the darkness by insensible degrees. The tops of the -willow-trees at the bottom of the valley were emerging from a woolly -haze. - -All our lot were up and about, now. The cooks found a way, without -consulting the lieutenant, of going to make the coffee a few hundred -yards to the rear. - -Judsi, who brought up the first bucketful, said to me: - -"Give us your mug, Sergeant!" - -"I go in with the '10th,'" I objected, but he assured me that it would -give them so much pleasure, we'd got on so well yesterday. - -I let him give me some, and tasted it. - -"Clinking, your coffee." - -"Here's to you!" - -Big Henry soon came up on behalf of the other half-section; and I had -to accept a second cupful, in order to prevent any jealousy. What -enchanted me was that I had won the esteem of these fellows--at small -cost, goodness knows! - -A little firing had been heard for the last few minutes, but only in -the distance, strange to say! Nothing serious so far! - -The quartermaster-sergeant passed, inquiring what ammunition we had -left! Nothing very great! We had played havoc with it. - -"No more need of bullets!" Guillaumin interrupted joyously. "We're -going to do some storming now!" - -I had not seen him since last night. Unbrushed, unshaven, his dirty -face shining. Was this, I thought, henceforward to be my friend, my -best friend? I would not allow myself to be ill-natured. - -He was wanted by Henriot, and crawled away. It was the only mode of -progression permitted. I was not sorry he had gone. I should have found -nothing to say to him. The prospect of a bayonet charge obviously -inflamed and excited him, just like that savage Lamalou who was -boasting that he would skewer, how many?--one, two, three--who would -have a bet on it? - -As for me, I admit that I dreaded those two hundred yards across -that no-man's-land (the last rush for how many of us!), and what -followed, still more the hand-to-hand fight with the bayonet, the -horrible butchery, the atrocious phase of the fighting for which no one -prepares, for no one would face it in cold blood. - -We had to wait for orders, for a long time, crouching behind the -earthworks with our rifles in our hands. - -It had got quite light. - -All at once, exclamations were heard. - -We looked round. - -A hussar was galloping across the fields behind us. - -"'E's arskin' ter be napoo'd!" Judsi exclaimed. - -What a target indeed! How could the enemy help having a shot! - -The horseman raced along the line, and disappeared. Not a single shot -had been fired by the Bosches. A few minutes of trying suspense -passed. Then a rumour ran along the line. Some of the men showed signs -of getting up. - -"Lie down!" Henriot commanded. - -But we saw Breton walking quickly towards us, without the customary -precautions. His face was beaming! - -When still thirty yards off, he shouted: - -"Nobody ahead of us now!" - -"What?" - -"They sloped off in the night!" - -The news flew from mouth to mouth. An ingenuous, delirious joy took -hold of our companions. A broadside of jokes burst forth. - -"The 'Allemans' funked us!" - -Judsi chuckled. - -"W'en the blighters saw the 1.3 being brought along ... they said to -themselves: 'Nothing to be done but to 'ook it.'" - -I breathed again. I marvelled at the fulfilment of my private wish. No -more danger for the moment. I should not be killed this morning! - -The hussar, who had brought the news, appeared again, and deliberately -urged his horse towards the woods, the zone which yesterday had been -inaccessible. There was a new outburst of delight, and the men began to -rag the sentries who had been on duty during the night: - -"Gaudereaux, w'y couldn't 'ee tell us they'd done a bink. You was -snoozin', you old blighter, I dew believe." - - * * * * * - -Half an hour later, when arms had been piled, and the men dismissed to -rest, Guillaumin took me by the arm: - -"Let's go and see what's become of the others!" - -We met De Valpic on the way. He had not slept either, and was afraid he -had caught a cold.... - -"You'll not be the only one, my dear chap!" - -A few steps farther on there was a little group, the Humel-Playoust -lot. We went up to them, delighted to find them safe and sound. I don't -know what put the idea into my head of tapping Descroix on the shoulder -and saying to him: - -"Good biz. The N.C.O.'s haven't come off so badly, what?" - -He turned round in a fury. - -"What do you mean?" - -I understood. He must have thought I was alluding to that stupid affair -of the stripes, which had gone quite out of my head. So I turned to -Humel: - -"Was it you who saw Fremont fall?" - -"Yes." - -"Where was he hit?" - -"Oh, look here! One has all one can do to look after oneself!" - -The quartermaster-sergeant was making signs to us in the distance. We -went towards him. Guillaumin enlightened me on the way. - -"That Descroix business was a put-up job, you know. He doesn't like it -talked about." - -"All the worse if it was arranged beforehand!" - -Breton, who had joined us, took us to a clump of trees. When we got -there he said: - -"Look here!" - -A German officer was standing up leaning lightly against a shield. His -field-glasses were up to his eyes, and he seemed to be gazing through -the opening. - -Was he alive or dead? We hesitated but soon found out when we got -nearer. - -"Rather neat, what?" said Breton. - -While ferreting about near by, Guillaumin came across a shell-hole. He -exclaimed: - -"The work of the 75's. No wound, apparently. Simply the effect of the -concussion." - -Then with a knowing wink: - -"Pretty hot stuff these Turpin machines, what?" - -We looked for a few seconds at the big well-built man with regular -features, in the tightly fitting uniform trimmed with frogs. Some of -the men who had come up formed a circle round us. Lamalou, without any -hesitation, put his hand on the shoulder of the dead body.... - -I shall never forget the horror of it! The legs remained firmly -fixed, but the upper half of the body fell apart, as if it had been a -mannequin made in two pieces. - -We bolted, but the _poilus_ called to each other cheerily to come and -have a look. - -The halt continued; we extended the range of our walk as far as the -quarter occupied by the other battalion. We came across friends at -every other step, and greetings and hand clasps were more cordial than -usual: - -"No bad news, of your lot?" - -And the reply was awaited with the curious mixture of curiosity -and apprehension with which the list of victims is perused the day -following a catastrophe. - -We produced a painful effect each time. At the name of Fremont a look -of sincere commiseration appeared on all the faces. Everyone loved him -for his charm, and his good nature, this boy with the look of a girl -and the memory of his romance secretly touched all their hearts. - -The losses did not appear to be very serious; on the whole, our company -was among those to have suffered most. - -Someone announced that Denais, the big fellow in the 19th, had been -killed right at the beginning by a splinter of shrapnel. - -"Denais!" - -I was thunder-struck. We had been bed-neighbours for a week, once, in -the infirmary. We had seen a lot of him at F---- even during the last -few days. I could see his face contracting at the notes of the "Funeral -March." I heard him cry: "Oh, shut up! It's idiotic!..." And now he had -"gone west." - -What struck me most was that his disappearance did not seem to affect -any one. Not a single regret was expressed. At the "Peloton" he had -always, like myself, been one of those who knew how to get out of -things, difficult--again like me--to "catch out," like me polite and -sarcastic. General opinion classed us together as thorough egoists. - -"And how about your foot?" Guillaumin asked me. "How's it getting on?" - -It had not entered my head again! - -"All the better! Because now we shall have to fight chiefly on our -legs!" - -"Do you think so?" - -"We shall have to follow them up!" - -"Rot!" - -He looked at me. - -"By Jove, you don't look much as if you realised that we have just -gained a victory." - -I shrugged my shoulders, and he continued: - -"It must be rather a knock for the Bosches! A repetition of -Mulhouse...." - -I poured cold water on his enthusiasm. The enemy had retired of -themselves and had not been forced to by us; a manoeuvre on their part, -perhaps. And we saw only such a small part, a very small part. - -Guillaumin grew heated and hurled himself into nebulous strategical -problems. I enjoyed urging him on. At last he almost lost his temper. - -"We'll go and ask the subaltern!" - -Henriot was coming towards us just having left an officers' -confabulation. - -"Well?" - -"Ah!" he exclaimed, raising his cap, "our success is even more complete -than we had hoped!" - -"Hm!" - -Guillaumin smacked me on the back. - -Descroix and Humel, and all that lot, joined us again. - -"I've got some details," Henriot announced breathlessly. "Here...." - -His recital only confirmed the version I had had from Dagomert. After -a partial repulse, after allowing the Germans to cross the Othain, and -the Loison, possibly for tactical reasons, we had suddenly taken the -offensive. The enemy had retired in disorder. One regiment had been -completely wiped out by fire.... Henriot quoted the regimental number: - -"The 23rd Wuerttembergers!" - -We had taken some prisoners, and booty, and captured field-and -machine-guns, according to the reports. - -During the hullabaloo which followed, I asked: - -"So things are going alright?" - -Humel sneered. - -"Oh, really, nothing pleases that chap!" - -I continued: - -"It's all very well, but who knows what's happening elsewhere?" - -"And what's happening in Timbuctoo?" - -"Round about Nancy? And in the North?" - -Guillaumin laughed: - -"Dreher will have it that we can't be equally lucky everywhere!" - -Henriot roared with laughter! - -"Oh rot, they're in the soup!" - -The group dispersed. Guillaumin went on talking to the lieutenant. I -stayed with them, without taking part in their conversation. I was -depressed again. Why? Good God, what did I want? I envied the delirious -delight betrayed by every look and word and deed in my companions. I -should have liked to vibrate in communion with those tens of thousands -of men, my brothers by race, who covered the surrounding country; and I -caught a glimpse behind them of the enormous mass, my nation, in whom -the news of our success would have let loose such a frenzy of joy. - -What did I lack to raise me to the desired pitch of excitement? I -appealed to other considerations of an equally exalting nature: the -renewal of our greatness, the virtue of our proud blood. We were -overthrowing the greatest enemy in the world, at the first encounter. -Revenge was a fine thing after all...! The pride of fulfilling this -hope of our fathers. It was thus that I succeeded in fanning myself -into a semblance of enthusiasm. - -My companions left me, eager to walk and talk, to enjoy to the full -this triumph which each of them felt was his own particular property. -Left alone I soon proved that the entirely artificial fervour to which -I had raised myself was subsiding by degrees. The springs of my mind -were stagnant. - -We were certain to start again, and starting again would mean -pushing forward, following them up--Guillaumin had been quite -right--re-entering Lorraine, with flags flying to be saluted as her -liberators. Heavens! Surely that was enough to make a soldier's -heart beat high. What would have been my father's and my brother's -exaltation! To think that I was not a whit moved by it. I stripped the -exploits to come of their prestige. What awaited us was simply new -fatigues and torturing privations. - -And I was terrified above all else, far above all else, by the spectre -of the future battles. Could one risk one's life twice with impunity! -I had escaped the first time by a miracle. Let me profit by it! I had -been wrested from repose and security. Had I not already drawn from -this campaign more than the benefit anticipated! I had my share of -memories which would last me all my life. I had ascertained that I, -even I, was capable of a kind of heroism. What a gain! And a boon that -was more precious still, I had regained consciousness of the ties which -bound me to a small number of human beings. I longed to be with them -again. I would bring them a man infinitely more worthy of them. I had -two cards in my pocket. A third had gone to a girl.... Would that one -ever reach its destination? Would it be answered ... soon? - -Lulled by these dreams, I discovered in them an excuse for the -drowsiness which enfolded me. What I experienced was only human. Why -a Roman rigour? If I did not burn to risk everything blindly in an -adventure of regeneration, if I let myself be touched by the idea of a -calm life spent among companions of my choice, if, in order that such a -desire might be fulfilled, I caught myself wishing for a cessation of -hostilities, an armistice, or an "honourable" peace of some kind, good -God, was it anything to be ashamed of? What right had all the great -sentiments in the world to suppress my humble wish to be happy? - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -EN ROUTE AGAIN - - -Some time passed by. A distant fusillade crackled for a moment. The big -guns boomed for an hour, and then were silent. It was becoming doubtful -whether we should go on that day. Henriot got impatient. The men asked -for nothing better than to start again. When once the rations had been -issued and the cooks had dished up a hot meal, we could manage. - -There was some question of a party of us being told off to bury the -dead. I dreaded lest this fatigue should fall to us; I foresaw how -horrible it would be. We luckily escaped it. An unexpected order came -for the battalion to move on. - -I noticed that we were going northwards, in the direction of the enemy. -We were preceded by patrol parties, and reconnoitring cavalry covered -us. - -The march was not marked by any notable incident. I remembered that we -passed through a big village which had been occupied up till the night -before by the enemy. One would have liked to stop there, to question -the inhabitants whom we were delivering from this nightmare, and make -friends with them.... But where were they? There was nobody but old -women to be seen, and on their waxen faces I thought I made out a -strange resentful expression. Why resentful? Because their village had -been abandoned, and left if only for a few hours to the mercy of the -invaders, who had taken the healthy men with them when they left, and -had said: "We shall come back, but next time we shall not leave one -stone upon another." - -We got hot, marching. I was possessed by the thought of poor De Valpic -dying of thirst. I ended by going to find him, and offering to share -what was left in my water-bottle with him. He refused to accept it, and -I had to force it on him, but this scene which was repeated twice a day -bored me. - -Bouillon noticed my annoyance and realised the reason for it. He hailed -the cyclist, a man named Ducostal, and gave him to understand that my -water-bottle leaked. - -"Try to get hold of one for the sergeant! Enough poor lads have been -knocked out with them!" - -"Righto!" said the other. "I'm just taking a stroll across to the field -ambulance." - -Just on the chance I begged him to ask for news of Sergeant Fremont of -the 22nd, down there. - -He went off. I felt certain that he would forget both commissions. - -During the long halt in a field by the roadside, some troops came into -sight. We went to have a look, because it was a regiment of regulars, -which had been heavily engaged, we knew, during the last few days. - -We were at once struck by the gait of these men. They were advancing -very slowly and seemed to have to make an effort to raise their legs -at each step they took. They halted. When arms had been piled many of -them did not even take the time to undo their packs, but let themselves -fall where they stood. Several of them went to sleep instantly. - -They were worn out. Three days' fighting without a pause and three -nights.... The terrible nervous armed multitude, not a gesture, not -a cry of joy in honour of this victory which they had won. Not to -speak of the uniforms stained with mud and dust, and some in rags. The -terrible part was these dull, ravaged faces, with their scared and -dazed expressions. - -I went down their line in silence. What gaps there were in these ranks! -In one platoon there were only fifteen men left. A fair-haired corporal -on the ground was trying to get to sleep, but the flies persecuted him. -I chased them away. - -"Thanks," he said. - -I knelt down and asked him: - -"How have you got on?" - -He turned a dull eye on me, and answered in a broken voice, interrupted -by dismaying silences: - -"We're done.... Ever since the other morning--what day is it?... we -have done nothing but fire ... and be fired at. At night too.... They -kept us on the hop ... with their whizz-bangs and bombs.... Without -rot, there were times ... when we envied those who fell, because they -could at least pause for a while.... Look here, yesterday evening when -the rations arrived ... well ... no one had the strength ... to put the -stuff into their mouths. They had to send some dragoons ... up ... from -the rear ... to feed us ... we would rather have gone under." - -I left him. I understood now why the conquerors do not usually take -full advantage of their victory. And I thought that to-morrow it would -perhaps be our turn to go through it all. - -We had just started off again when Ducostal turned up. He handed me a -new water-bottle: - -"Here you are, Sergeant!" - -"Thanks. You're a ripper!" - -"Do you know, nobody knew your pal," he continued. "I was sent from -pillar to post. Then at last I had the luck to come across the bloke -who picked him up. He's not dead, but it'll be a near thing if he pulls -through. Got a ball through the lungs." - -"Oh, I hope to goodness he'll recover!" I said out loud. - -I had fumbled with my purse in my pocket, and slipped a piece of silver -into the man's hand. He looked at it, and then gave it back. - -"No, Sergeant, we're not out to make at this game. You stick to it." - -"And then," he added, "do you remember one morning when you were -sergeant of the guard you didn't report me missing?" - -The incident occurred to me. So he was the fellow who had turned up -one morning, after a day's leave, and implored me to mark him down as -having come back at midnight. - -"Oh, so you haven't forgotten that?" - -"Rather not. We don't forget the sahibs, any more than we forget the -wasters." - -I was decidedly in a fair way to becoming popular. - -At the next halt, I went to find De Valpic: - -"Look here, old chap, do you see what I've managed to get hold of for -you?" - -I held up the new water-bottle. - -"And what about you?" - -I tapped my own. - -"I've got mine, but it worried me to see you without one...." - -While I was helping him to adjust it, and to unbutton his -shoulder-straps, he tried to say something to me: - -"Dreher ..." he began twice. - -I interrupted him. I was unusually good-humoured, and gaily told him of -my experience with Judsi the day before. I added: - -"You have to know how to tackle these chaps." - -I asked him if he had seen that wretched regiment. - -In this way I managed to fill up the two minutes' halt. - -"_Au revoir_, old fellow!" - -When I left him I whistled, and felt tremendously cheery. I believe I -deluded myself into thinking that I had played the Good Samaritan. - -The day's march was lengthening. Henriot was anxious about the -direction we were taking. - -"Where are they taking us to?" - -We were bearing distinctly westwards. Guillaumin suddenly came up to me -and pointed out that our company had been detached from the rest and -was marching alone. - -Were they going to make us take outpost duty? There was no further -doubt about it when our platoon went on alone, leaving the rest of the -22nd as supports in a farm. The lieutenant had his instructions; he -sent out scouts and made us advance trailing arms. - -In about ten minutes when we had just entered the woods, he said: - -"Here we are!" - -An important crossroads. The site was well chosen. - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -A NIGHT ON OUTPOST DUTY - - -I pass over the arrangements of our pickets. Each one of us knew his -duties, and acquitted himself conscientiously in his part. Henriot made -a thorough reconnaissance. When he came back he showed me a plan which -he had picked up. - -"By way of practice, do you see? Our maps only go as far as the Rhine!" - -At dusk, a lukewarm meal was brought to us from the supports. - -The gloom grew more intense. Our vigil was beginning. - -We established ourselves in a clearing about twenty yards from the -road. The stumps of some trees which had been cut down were utilised as -seats, a lot of us sat cross-legged, either on the ground, or on little -tufts of brushwood, which were a poor protection against the damp. No -fire, of course. By the flickering light of two dim section-lanterns -placed on the ground we could make out the carpet of trampled grasses, -and a big black circle, the remains of a log fire. - -What a night that was. During the first few hours Guillaumin and -Henriot never ceased chattering below their breath. I wondered that -their fatigue had not more hold over them. I only half listened to -their conversation which still concerned our victorious march, and the -demoralised enemy flying before the sword. Speed, they declared, speed -must come before everything else. We must fall upon the Bosches in the -rear before they had time to recover themselves. - -The first excitement occurred towards ten o'clock, a shot in the -distance, on our left. Everyone leapt to his feet. Another, and still -another.... There was no doubt about it; the sentries' orders had been -so explicit; there was to be no firing except in case of danger or -surprise. No. 3 picket, next to us, had surely been attacked. Henriot, -much agitated, repeated the instructions: at a given signal, we were to -extend and fall back on the support.... - -"It was not our business to put up a fight...." - -The surprising thing was that the firing was dying down. We remained on -the alert, and it was not ten minutes before new shots rang out, on our -right this time, at No. 1 picket. - -"They're crazy!" - -Henriot fumed. - -"The lunatics! Now our whole line of outposts will be marked!" - -He was proud that our lot had kept their heads. But it was somewhat -previous. A shot burst out in the wood, a hundred yards away, then a -second: three, four, six. We saw a man rush up stammering distractedly: -"Someone had come up, he had challenged them, they had not stopped, his -comrades had been carried off...." - -Not very encouraging! However, eight or ten volunteers offered to go -and see what the matter was. On the way whom should we meet but the -comrade in question, who was on the lookout and slightly uneasy, but -made great fun of his companion, who had apparently fired at some -shadows. Henriot was annoyed and inclined to be hard on him. Lamalou -went to him. - -"Blackguard 'im if yer like, sir, but don't 'ave 'im punished. It's -always the same story o' nights just at fust, you sees and 'ears -things!" - -He spoke from his experience in the African bush. Henriot calmed down, -and agreed that the sentinels were too far from the reserve picket; the -arrangement of them was altered. - -This continued all night ... shots, quite near at hand or some far -away, marking out the zone which was being patrolled. We soon got -accustomed to it. At the end of two hours no one worried about it any -longer, indeed not enough. - -An overpowering desire to sleep began to take possession of us. Over -and over again I almost gave way. My head nodded, my eyelids closed. -Then Guillaumin gave me a shake. - -"Halloa, there, don't leave us in the lurch!" - -Henriot rubbed it in! - -"Remember we are responsible for the security of the whole army." - -There was no gainsaying the fact that he behaved in the most -praiseworthy fashion, sparing himself no pains. He was always to be -seen on his feet, going to shake up the men who were reeling with -weariness. Towards midnight, the critical time, he suddenly proposed -that we should play games. I thought at first that he was joking. But -no, he had undertaken to keep us awake at all costs. He must treat -the children in his school in the same way. Childish occupation kept -us amused for a long while. The greatest success was the game of Old -Mother Perlimpin Pin which soon had to be stopped as the laughter was -becoming so uproarious. - -Towards two o'clock in the morning a thunder shower came on. We were -soon soaked to the skin. - -"In ordinary life," joked Guillaumin, "we should have kicked the bucket -after a night like this." - -I offered to go the rounds with the object of keeping myself awake. - -The first sentry challenged me at a good distance. It was Judsi. He was -calmly smoking a cigarette. - -"Smoking's not allowed, Judsi." - -"Pooh. It's a bit o' coompany. That won't stop a chap keepin' 'is eyes -skinned." - -But directly I had pointed out that the point of light might betray his -presence at a distance, he gave way: - -"That's true enough, that is." - -He instantly threw his cigarette away in the damp grass. - -I wanted to try an experiment on the next sentry-group and continued to -advance after the order to "Halt!" Very well! I saw my two fine fellows -both order arms again. - -"Well, what are you up to? This is a nice state of affairs." I -reproached them. - -"We recognised you, Sergeant!" - -"That doesn't matter, you ought to have made me halt." - -"But as we recognised you!" - -It was impossible to get them to alter their opinion. As for the last -two sentries, they simply "about-turned" on the spot; that is to say, -that at the first suspicious sound they fired on the picket. - -I saw how unhinged and overwrought they were, and had pity on them. I -ended by promising to say nothing about it to the subaltern. - -I found the latter on his knees. He had spread out his map, which was -beginning to get torn, and was saying to Guillaumin that we should do -no more than screen Metz; the chief thing was to push straight on to -Mayence, the key to the whole of the Rhine district. - -The rain stopped, and some time passed. Towards four o'clock Henriot -shyly suggested: - -"Would it bore you frightfully to go out with a patrol party?" - -"On the contrary!" - -The idea appealed to me. By gad, I was not sorry to be able to stretch -my legs. I chose four men. Bouillon who had just been on outpost duty -absolutely insisted on being one of them. He was not going to let me go -alone. He was certainly a good chap! - -We plunged into the darkness. Hardly had we gone a hundred yards before -it seemed as if we were a hundred miles away from the picket and its -protection. We were in the middle of the forest, the gloom was intense. -Silent raindrops dripped on to our shoulders and caps from the foliage -above our heads. My companions followed in my footsteps. I was not only -ahead of this patrol, but ahead of the whole army, a daring explorer -sent out towards the enemy, who was perhaps lying in ambush. I often -stood still and silently gazed into the darkness. I had told my men to -regulate their movements by mine, but we were almost invisible to each -other. Sometimes I distinguished ... that noise of muffled marching ... -didn't it come from in front? Or again when I heard some branch crack -in the under-wood, my heart thumped unevenly; I caught my breath; I -thought I made out forms, phantoms crouching, yonder ... ready to hurl -themselves.... How agonising it was! - -How much more courage I had need of than when under fire. I regretted -yesterday's danger in comparison. I opened my mouth to shout, "Everyone -for himself!" My trembling knees wanted to fly. But here, as on the -day before, what urged me on against my will was the presence of the -men who saw in me their leader. The consciousness of my role, of my -authority which must be kept up, seized me by the collar. I had to go -on, and I went on. I got safely past the place where I had feared the -ambush. For a moment I was delighted to have surmounted this terror, -delighted even to have experienced it. What a chapter it added to my -campaign impressions! What a joy it would be one day to recall these -deadly terrors, if only I escaped them. - -It was an interminable journey. The subaltern had told me to follow the -road up to the edge of the wood. Having arrived there I was to take a -certain road whence I should get excellent views over a large stretch -of country. - -We continued to advance. Our shoes squelched in the soft loam, and got -covered with lumps of mud. We were splashed at each puddle. Our feet -were soaked, our hands, pinched with cold, clutched convulsively at our -rifles. - -It was nearly forty minutes since we had left the clearing. From time -to time a shot on our left reassured us; a sentry group was on the -lookout there. I was still watching for the road which ought to turn -off on our right. The forest just lately had given place to a bushy -thicket. The sky was already paling, and in the clear transparency I -saw the beginning of a bridle-path. What a relief! All we had to do now -was to skirt the hostile zone, instead of continuing to penetrate into -it, more terrified at each step. - -The path climbed the side of the hill. We occasionally caught a glimpse -of a misty expanse. Farther on, the view opened out, and we lay down -flat on our faces, our elbows resting on the dewy grass of a hillock. - -The sky tone was neutral. The chief features in the landscape were lent -precision by the coming dawn. At our feet pearl-grey meadows sloped -gently down to a highway bordered with trees, which might be followed -northwards for miles, running in a straight line between two rounded -hills. On the left there was a bizarre eminence, abrupt and bald; on -the right two steeples, one of which rose at a short distance away -behind a stretch of colourless heath. A mist hung about, dimming the -surfaces and blurring the outlines. Another gloomy day in the making. - -"See anything, Bouillon?" - -"Never a Bosche!" he declared. - -Our glance probed each particle of ground. There was nothing -suspicious, in the plain, or on the roads, which looked like huge -ribbons. The enemy appeared to have melted away. Our field of view -increased, the shadows were dispersing, and the horizon seemed to -recoil. Still nothing to be seen. - -"They must 'ave 'ad a scare." - -Our mission was apparently at an end. It was up to the aeroplanes to -take observations of the enemy's new positions. One of the war-birds -happened to be flying over yonder at that moment, but we were -undeceived when it approached, and we recognised a Taube. - -"Let's be getting back!" - -"Say, Sergeant, the country's not so dusty!" - -Touched and curious, did we foresee the miracle with which daybreak was -to endow us? - -Here was the luminous veil of the aerial vault above us being rent and -scattered. Shreds of the more transparent vapours still floated in the -air, but the depths had ceased to look so uniformly dust-coloured. -It was not long before cracks and then fissures and then chasms were -hollowed in the clouds, and the liquid blue shone out between them -bathed in a diaphanous radiance. The true sky smiled at last. The -fleecy clouds dispersed and vanished, a few of them lingered in the -form of scarfs, so attenuated that they looked like modest nebulas. The -scintillation of the stars pierced through them. They would only shine -for a moment and then pale in the growing daylight, but it was enough -that they had reminded the mortals, saddened by the opaque and misty -night, of their existence. - -The whole of spring glowed resplendent in this summer dawn. Newly -awakened chaffinches chirruped and chased each other at the edge of -the wood. The luscious green countryside, a sight to gladden the eyes, -exhaled the fragrance of recent harvest mingled with the resinous -perfume of the firs and larches sown among the beeches round about us. -Now the entire firmament was clear and serene, suggested in fluctuating -colouring which changed by harmonious gradations from a mauve -verging on violet, in which the western sky was bathed, to the pale -phosphorescence, which, on the opposite horizon heralded the approach -of Apollo. On that side the mists accumulated in the recesses of the -valleys, evaporated more quickly, and rose up impalpable, the incense -of the earth. Unsuspected ridges appeared. Through an opening between -the two crests my wandering gaze could glide towards a blue distance, -infinite as the ocean. - -A plain, a different region, seemed to open out down there. It occurred -to me that the Woevre might lie in that direction. Yes, we must have -reached the confines of the valley of the Meuse. Yonder my brother -had fallen. I made a vague attempt to recall my sorrow and rancour, -to connect my present mission with that of the army and my nation. -My consciousness repelled these fierce imaginings. Taking a deep -breath I inhaled the woodland scents. I chewed a stalk of grass, and -dangled a corn-flower picked on the other side of the slope. I naively -congratulated myself on being present, in the womb of nature, at the -birth of each dawn, with which I, as a civilised being, had rejoiced my -eyes too seldom. - -The sun rose. A ray of gold touched us, appearing from the bottom of -the disk. The outline of the orb was barely discernible, hidden by the -triangular shadow of some peak or other, reared at an immense distance, -which stood out in relief against the luminous segment. The planet as -it rose hesitated for some time before adopting a shape. It stretched -itself out, and capriciously widened then lengthened itself, a dark red -mass upon which it was still possible for the naked eye to gaze. - -I wondered vaguely where I had lately delighted in a similar vision? - -The ball grew more condensed and, ceasing its frolics on the orange -line of the horizon, rose rapidly, armed with a blinding brilliance. -Then--sparkling reminder--a sickle-shaped streak began to glitter on -the ground below: some pond.... A flight of memories was instantly -loosed, and soared in me, and then subsided, eddying. My heart leapt -at the vivid recollection. It was the Suchet morning; we had seen the -sun rise from the snowy Alps, equally distended and tortuous, until the -instant, when full blown, it had reflected its disk in the waters of -Neufchatel.... - -Good God! How short a time ago it was. It was only three weeks since -we had dallied happy in our youth. My memory caressed each detail -of that excursion, the first glimpse we had had of the abyss in -whose depths there had shone, like ships' lights, the lights of the -Canton-de-Vaud--and our wait for the miracle's accomplishment in the -icy atmosphere of the mountain top. In order to warm ourselves we had -laughingly thrown pebbles down the slope in an endless avalanche.... - -As I lingered dreamily over this resurrection the pictures faded away -of themselves. One alone persisted, infinitely sweet. I mentally -breathed the name. Seated on a rock which jutted out on a level with -the ground, breathing in deep breaths of the scented air of the -hilltops, turned towards the rising sun, it was yours, Jeannine, my -friend.... - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -GOOD COMRADES - - -We expected to be picked up by the battalion that same morning, to -continue the march. Nothing came of it. We were simply relieved about -two o'clock by the 2nd platoon. - -Annoyance on the part of Henriot. He questioned Lieutenant Delafosse -who succeeded him. The latter knew nothing about it, nothing at all! He -was yawning. He noted the sentry's orders with a bored expression. - -We rejoined the rest of the company at the farm where they remained in -support of the outposts. For the first time in four days I was able to -indulge in a wash and a change of linen. The joy of it. Bouillon rolled -my things up into a parcel and carried them off. He was left busy all -the afternoon washing, cleaning, and brushing them, while I slept on -the straw. - -When I woke Guillaumin announced: - -"I say, we're going a bust this evening!" - -He and Breton had been to "get round" the farmer's wife, who for a -comparatively moderate sum had consented to hand over a couple of fine -rabbits. - -"How many of us will there be for them?" - -"Eight.... No; nine, with the sergeant-major." - -Oh "that lot" was going to join us? Yes, Guillaumin, who bore no -grudge, had invited them. He explained that we would go shares; it -would come cheaper like that! - -"Haven't I done right?" - -I gave my approval. I liked to think it might be the beginning of a -renewal of cordiality. - -Guillaumin had introduced Gaufreteaux to the farmeress, who having -quickly known him for what he was, a real virtuoso of the frying-pan -and casserole, had given him a free hand. She had no reason to repent -it, as she was invited to join us and share the feast. Rabbit _a la -Bordelaise_, a _croute aux champignons_, and ham _a la Provencale_ -reminded her of the cheer at her sister's wedding. - -Playoust had persuaded her to bring out some wine. It was pronounced -excellent. Much flattered, she announced her intention of giving it to -us free of charge. We cheered her. We touched glasses again and again, -and drank to the health of her boy, who had left on the third day of -mobilisation to join her father, one of the heroes of the year '70, in -the Zouaves. I am not sure that we did not drink to the health of her -deceased husband. - -The wag of the evening was Playoust. There was no denying that the -fellow was really funny when he liked. He hummed and sang and imitated -the calls of animals. And between times he got Hourcade to take some -powdered chalk thinking it was castor sugar, and an egg, taken from a -setting hen, in an egg cup (the chicken was in it!). - -I forget how it was that he came to jeer, in pretty strong terms -too, at Henriot. Humel immediately backed him up; the battalion -sergeant-major, who had drunk rather more than was wise, let him have -his say, and winked, and even went as far as to put in a word himself. -The poor lieutenant was laughed at for his strategical pretensions, in -a really unkind manner. I was surprised. I should have thought that -he would have found grace at the hands of these fellows for whom he -was always doing good turns. Oh, ah! Grace! Playoust went off on a new -tack, and talked of his behaviour under fire. It was grotesque. Beat -everything! He had let his platoon go hang, had chucked himself into a -hole, and left the others to get along as best they could. - -He raised howls of laughter, and by Jove, I joined in. There was some -truth in what he said after all. Guillaumin alone protested vigorously -and courageously but unfortunately he embarked upon a verbose -vindication which tended to prove that true courage consists precisely -in being afraid.... - -"Listen to the staff-officer!" - -He was hooted and pelted with bread pellets, and finally reduced to -silence. Dessert time. The bottles went on circulating. The wine had -gone to my head. I hazarded a few facile pleasantries, which were -greeted with roars of laughter, which spurred my malice on to further -efforts. I set myself to rival Playoust's buffoonery. He gained a -momentary advantage by imitating the various phases of a pig fight. We -had to go to the help of the farmeress who was choking with laughter. -Then I played the ventriloquist, one of my parlour tricks. I gave a -three-part scene. Our hostess again grew hysterical, and a dish was -broken. - -I felt occasional twinges of remorse in the midst of all this folly. -All this gaiety the day after a cruel loss!... But what did it -matter? Had I not mourned my brother as he would have liked to be -mourned? This death already seemed such an old story.... And lastly I -privately thought that I had acquired a sort of right to give proof -of a versatile disposition ... violent and fleeting feelings, tears -yesterday, and joy to-day. Was it not the prerogative of soldiers and -children? - - * * * * * - -We spent several days at this farm. Every evening when we went to -sleep, we expected to have to turn out and start off in the middle of -the night. Henriot was eaten up with impatience, and repeated: - -"It's madness not to profit by our advantage! We ought to be near -Treves by now!" - -He calmed down at last. The captain had laughed at him, and reminded -him of endless circumstances in military history, where prudence had -dictated an identical line of conduct, which was to recover oneself -before entering upon a new enterprise. - -Besides that there was a complete lack of any news: not a word of -the development of the action in Alsace-Lorraine. We only had the -impression of a general movement of our armies towards the Belgian -frontier. A big blow would be struck in the North! From time to time I -amused myself by goading Guillaumin. How were we getting on over there, -I wondered. - -He no longer took me seriously, or else retorted: - -"My dear chap, we only have to hold out for three weeks. The Russians -will be coming along now!" - -Again one might have thought we were at manoeuvres. The spirit of -the men was extraordinary. The fight the other day, the wounded and -dead--all that was forgotten, or rather it was taken as a basis for -fearing nothing from the future. They took a delight in repeating that -the worst was over. Artillery, machine-guns, and rifles had all talked -at the same time. The Bosches could not invent anything worse. - -I have said that I was on good terms now with the _poilus_ in my -section, but I was not intimate with them yet. I made a few tentative -advances. I asked one or two of them about their family, or their home -life. They answered me politely, but did not expand. I had the feeling -that I embarrassed, almost disquieted, them; so I soon stopped. There -was no need to bother myself. - -The most complete idleness reigned. The battalion sergeant-major -no longer multiplied parades. He, Ravelli, had changed in the most -extraordinary way since he had been under fire. He took no interest -in anything and left his men to themselves. He may have heard--it was -Breton who insinuated it--French bullets whistling past his ears! - -The Lamalou-Judsi lot organised fishing parties at a pond close to the -farm. No notice was taken for the first two days; on the third day -they brought back a cartload of fish, having been inspired with the -brilliant idea of stretching a net from one side to the other. They had -cleared everything. The farmeress protested that the pond belonged to -her. The captain lost his temper and threatened the beggars with Court -Martial. They did not haul down their colours. Things were getting -serious. Lamalou clenched his fist. - -"I've been through the Court Martial once before now, I 'ave. I'll tell -'em it's a bit rough on a chap wot's going to get knocked on the 'ead." - -I privately agreed with him. Playoust secretly encouraged him, just to -see what would happen. As for Guillaumin, he took the defaulters apart, -and reasoned with them. I don't know what he preached or promised, but -the fact was that he appeased them. He went off to see the captain and -disarmed him too. The matter went no further. - -But that evening at mess he gave Playoust a bit of his mind. The -latter, surrounded by his faithful satellites, answered back and had -the last word. - -I had kept out of it. It was my turn next morning. I found the whole -lot collected round the well, disputing violently. - -"What's up?" I asked. - -Descroix shouted: - -"Did you ever hear such a thing! This'll be the third day that the -company has taken outpost duty." - -No. 1 platoon had just been told that it was their turn to supply No. 2 -picket. They had been congratulating themselves upon getting out of it. -Hence their rage! - -"Always the same lot to fork out." - -Playoust headed them: - -"It's disgustin' that's wot it is. There's the bally 21st there doin' -nothing. Wy can't they send them?" - -I ventured to remark: - -"You've not been overdone so far." - -I laughed. - -"Outpost duty has its interesting moments." - -They fell upon me, and in such a tone! - -"Oh, Dreher ... on other people's worries...!" - -I retorted. There was a sudden torrent of bitter words, of almost -injurious reproaches. Yes, yes, they had seen me at it! Then they -brought up their eternal grievances at F----. Descroix accused me of -toadying to the lieutenant. - -Oh! I turned on my heel. I was stupefied, sickened at this persistent -animosity after our brotherly agape, the other day. What paltry minds -they had! - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -DE VALPIC - - -I had not seen much of De Valpic during the last few days. Our platoons -had relieved each other, and his presence always weighed on me a little -like a vague remorse. - -That afternoon I found him lying, with closed eyes, in the shed I had -gone into, meaning to take a nap. He raised his eyelids: - -"Halloa!" - -I had to go up to him, and asked him: - -"Not so bad the other night, was it?" - -"For me it was." - -I joked. - -"For you particularly?" - -"Yes, I've got a cold already." - -He coughed. - -"Pooh!" I said rather abruptly. "As long as you've nothing worse than -that the matter with you." - -I suddenly thought of him as a soft flabby creature, this tall fellow -brought up by women. I think he guessed my thoughts. - -"If only I had not got such a high temperature!" he said. - -I shrugged my shoulders. - -"High temperature! Who said you'd got a high temperature?" - -I stretched myself on the straw, without much desire to continue -conversation. He seemed to be searching in his pocket. I saw a sort of -metallic tube between his fingers, which he unscrewed; then holding the -thing out to me, said: - -"Here you are, just look at this will you?" - -He explained: - -"It's a mouth thermometer. I always carry it on me." - -"What an idea!" - -I did not know that the instrument existed in this form. The graduated -glass tube only measured a few centimetres. I mechanically turned it -round and round until I saw the little column of mercury shining. - -"102.2 deg.!" I exclaimed. "Is that your temperature?" - -"Yes." - -"You ought to take some ... quinine." - -He shook his head. - -"You see ... it's the same nearly every day." - -I did not understand. - -"What?" - -"I'm ill," he murmured. "It's rotten, oh heavens, how rotten it is!" - -I looked at him interrogatively. Turned towards me he unburdened -himself of his secret, in a broken voice. It was months, years now -since he had been well. Last spring his mother--"Maman" he said (the -word moved me and made me dream of mine)--his mother had implored him -to consult a doctor.... He had resisted a long time afraid to hear -that he was ill.... How alarming it had been when the doctor, after -sounding him, had knitted his eyebrows and told him he must be careful. -It was not so very long since his father, a few months after a warning -of this kind, had been taken from them. - -While he talked I seized the opportunity of watching him unobserved. -Now that my eyes were opened I immediately became aware of the -well-known signs: this narrow, hollow chest, the sallow complexion, the -pink patches on the cheek-bones, down to the tapering fingers. - -"I realised that I could not take any risks and I wanted to live.... I -wanted to. Two days later Mother and I took the train to Switzerland. -Do you know Chateau d'Oex?" - -I made a sign of assent. - -"I stayed there for four months, April to July, resting on a long chair -in the sun." - -"Did you get better?" - -"Much better, yes. No perspiring at night. I put on weight, and at the -same time my temperature, oh! the thermometer, you know, is the surest -sign of all! I had seen my father, getting so terribly feverish every -afternoon! As for me, when I saw that it already rose quite easily to -101.1 deg., 101.3 deg. I had not the slightest doubt about it. Well, I repeat, -everything was improving. They told me that if I continued to take -great care all the winter...." - -He paused for a few seconds: - -"But on the 2nd of August, you see ... I had to leave." - -"What did your mother say to it?" - -He avoided that subject, but from a chance word he let slip I guessed -the anguish and the resistance of his people--the sustained struggle. - -"You ought to have got discharged!" - -"How could I at such a moment! And then...." - -His voice was muffled: - -"Our family have always fought well!" - -I silently evoked the De Valpics whose names shine in our annals: the -Lord High Constable, the Admiral.... - -"I hoped it would turn out all right. At F---- I managed fairly well; I -kept watch, you see, with my little thermometer!" - -"And now?" - -"Ah, now! I've caught cold again. I was told: 'Whatever you do, don't -get cold.'" - -He coughed, and said very softly: - -"This morning I spat some blood." - -With a touching gesture he sought my hand and squeezed it. - -"Dreher, I tell you all that because you've been good to me. Yes, yes, -I shall never forget it. The other day you didn't let me thank you. -Dreher, will you believe that ... I'm your friend?" - -Not wishing to show how much touched I was, I continued in a decided -tone: - -"In the state you are in, old fellow, you have no alternative but to -get discharged." - -He shook his head. I insisted. I pleaded the cause of reason. He had -been courageous, more than courageous, heroic. That was enough. He -would only aggravate the harm, by going on! And what use could he be? -I pretended to be convinced--the idea was not at all a startling one -at that time--that the war was drawing to a close. A few weeks more, -one or two more successes, and there would be nothing astonishing in -talking about peace. - -I displayed real warmth. I felt a growing sympathy and admiration -for him, and his superb moral energy. And he was no superhuman hero. -How near to us that sign of weakness brought him--that thermometer -consulted each hour on the progress of his illness! - -My pleading seemed to have shaken his resolution, but his eyes were -lowered. - -"Dreher, tell me candidly. You're a good soldier--what would you do in -my place?" - -I a good soldier! The irony of it! Was I fated to wear this halo? I -who, I swear, would not have hesitated to make use of the slightest -pretext for adjournment! I had to assure De Valpic that I might have -acted like he had.... Yes, at the beginning I should have left in a -burst of generosity. But, at this point I should realise the folly of -persisting in it. - -He was silent, and looked serious, his gaze fixed on the ground, his -fingers twisting some pieces of straw. - -"You must think that I set great store by my skin," he said. - -He dreaded, with the susceptibility of a proud heart, of having gone -down in my estimation. - -"Oh, rot!" I said. "Who doesn't? And I bet it's chiefly on your -people's account, your mother's...." - -"Poor mother! She had already bought the thank-offering which we were -to take to St. Peter's at Rome next spring." - -Oh! so they were devout believers. An old Roman Catholic family of -course! It was not surprising. - -"And then ..." he continued. - -He reddened. - -"I was engaged to be married, when I fell ill ... and she would not let -me set her free, she was waiting for me...." - -That was all he said. Why did this last confidence stir me more than -all the rest? Why did I get up and put an end to the conversation? - -"Well, my dear chap, that's only an added reason for getting fit again. -It would be stupid to make a mess of your whole future. Look here, I -shall be on duty to-morrow. I'll put you on the sick report, and you -can be off back to your home, with the esteem of every one of us, and -... my friendship." - -I went out, and wandered about round the farm for a long time. I was -moved by a profound pity. I could not shake off the thought of this -poor unfortunate. To have nothing left to learn about his illness, at -his age, which was my age, to go in terror of death, to feel oneself -being drawn towards it!... Then I was moved to pity for myself, for us -all. Were we not all under the shadow of death, faced with tragic ends? -Alas! When life was sweet and smiled on us with her store of fresh -beauties.... - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -DARK HOURS - - -I had persuaded De Valpic to report sick. Then destiny stepped in. We -started again that same night on the stroke of two o'clock. And when -I went up to him during the first halt he begged me to strike his -name off the list. He felt much better. He so much wanted to see the -continuation, to be in at the big victory. - -Guillaumin, who appeared just then, asked if we were far from the -frontier. - -De Valpic enlightened him. Rather not! And judging by the direction we -were taking we should soon be in that part of Lorraine which had been -annexed. - -Good! It would have been maddening to go a long way round. - -We reached Etain, where we had a warm welcome, as the Bosches had not -returned in spite of their boasting. We only went straight through the -town. - -It was a long stage, but we did not get over-tired in this mild -weather. Milestone succeeded milestone. Metz: 43 km. 41, 40, 38.... -Guillaumin was exultant: - -"A mere constitutional, what?" - -And Judsi: - -"We'll be sleepin' in their bloomin' country, to-morrow." - -Some of the men may have believed it. I thought it only right to -moderate the enthusiasm. - -"Oh Metz! We haven't got there yet. The siege is sure to be ghastly!" - -The lieutenant who was passing, chaffed me: - -"Dreher, as pessimistic as usual? He'll never believe we're getting on, -until he's in Berlin." - -We went into quarters at Buxy. Shortly after midnight there was an -alarm. The artillery which we had not heard for some days was talking -again. As old stagers we had missed the noise, it cheered us up. - -But we grumbled when, having been called up and paraded in the Church -Square, we were kept hanging about and freezing for an hour or more. -The men "groused," and wanted to know why they couldn't be left to -sleep in peace. - -A lot of them wanted to "get down to it" again, and we had hard work -to prevent them. A certain number sloped off in the dark. Each platoon -lost a few who never turned up again. - -Suddenly there was an uproar and crush at the other end of the Square. -We had to spread ourselves to keep order. Playoust went to see what was -up, leaving his half-section to take care of itself, with the natural -consequence that it disbanded. He came back, raising his hands, with -awful tales of the whole populace fleeing before the invaders! There -was nothing to be done! This time the Bosches were coming in dense -masses, ravaging and setting fire to everything! - -A group was formed round him. The men listened anxiously. He pulled -a face. Was he rotting, or speaking the truth? We never thought of -interrupting. However someone did take it upon himself. It was De -Valpic, whom no one had counted on. - -"That'll do, Playoust! No tomfoolery!" - -The other was quite taken aback. Guillaumin and I saw the danger, and -went to the rescue, turning his tales to ridicule. He tried to back -out of it. The men were reassured, and began to laugh, and our own -confidence was strengthened by it too. - -Yes, but what were we waiting for here? For orders, always orders! -They were delayed for a good while longer, and when they did arrive, -dumbfounded us! We were to fall back on Etain. - -There was nothing to be done but obey, so we retraced our steps along -the road we had followed so gaily the day before. Dissimulation was -no longer possible. We caught up and mingled with the sad troops of -fugitives. As long as the darkness lasted, we only half-realised what -it meant. But what a ghastly vision of distress the daybreak brought us! - -A dismal procession of women, children, and old men, many of them on -foot, laden with packages and bags, or pulling and pushing wheelbarrows -and hand-carts--the others huddled _pele-mele_ in conveyances of all -ages, shapes, and sizes, drawn by oxen, donkeys, and dogs. The whole -populace, as Playoust had said, people hurrying along, elbowing their -way, getting hung up, and delayed. Their heads were hanging, and they -did not answer the stream of questions which burst from our ranks. -Babies' tears, and mothers' sighs. Every other minute a cyclist, or -a staff car cleared a way for itself, tooting and cursing.... And I -remember an old, a very old peasant, perched on a big tilted cart -brandishing his pitch-fork and shouting to us, as he pointed in the -opposite direction: - -"That's where they be, you slackers!" - -I was glad when, by eight o'clock, we had out-distanced the gloomy -horde, by our regular pace. But a long halt on the outskirts of Etain -condemned us to being caught up again by the mournful stream which -flowed all day. - -In the evening we set off again, and once more went through the little -town. How it had changed since the day before! - -Consternation reigned. - -We asked: - -"What's happening?" - -"They are there!" was the reply. - -"There!" One would have thought they meant a hundred yards away! The -inhabitants were turning out. I can see a well-dressed old woman, in -mourning, on the pavement in front of her house, loading a waggon--her -maid was helping her--with a confused medley of furniture, ornaments, -clothes. - -"You needn't be in such a bloomin' hurry, Mother," shouted Judsi; -"can't you see we're here!" - -"You won't stop them," she retorted. - -"Oh, steady on!" - -She raised her voice till it became a shriek: - -"You won't stop them, I tell you! It's just like it was in 1870!" - -She raised her gaunt arm, her piercing voice carried well. - -"Old witch!" growled Guillaumin. - -We passed on, but could hear her apostrophising the platoons and -companies behind us: - -"You won't stop them!" - -Her monotonous imprecation possessed our minds for a long time. - -The night fell, but we marched on and on. What a day's march this was, -too. Having had a meal we managed to hold out. We advanced without -thinking and yet what extraordinary sights we came across. The enormous -column of fugitives was trailing along this roadway too. This time we -were going up-stream, pushing northwards from Etain. - -But what were these soldiers scattered among the heart-breaking band. -The moon was beginning to shine. We caught sight of uniforms, at first -isolated, then in groups--all the troops mixed, and the ranks, too, -apparently.... The strange thing was that it never occurred to us to -ask what they were all doing or where they were going.... A few details -only struck us. Why so many foot-sloggers on horseback? This problem -worried Guillaumin. He sounded me several times. - -"Mounted scouts, do you think?" - -I answered drowsily: - -"Of course!" - -We advanced in silence, mechanically keeping our intervals, our -columns of four. No more peasants, and only an infinitesimal number -of civilians drifted down-stream now. The crowd was swelling though. -Transports and teams followed each other, rolling along, slipping and -sliding. They were all military-limbered waggons, forage waggons, -ambulance waggons, munition waggons, a sutler's van. Battery after -battery--an extraordinary state of confusion. Here were mud-crushers -whipping horses, some of which fell, there hussars on foot, dragging -their worn-out beasts along. - -We passed companies lying in the shade of the ditch, and envied them. -There had been no halt for us for two hours at least. We had just -climbed a hill; I was marching with half-closed eyes. Guillaumin nudged -me: - -"Heavens above!" - -I opened my eyes. A large stretch of country lay before us, a dark -undulating plain enamelled with monstrous glares. - -I turned towards my companion. - -"Villages!" he murmured. - -Burning! That woke us up. We slowed down bewildered. - -Bouillon said: - -"Pore wretches, that's w'y they was doin' a bolt!" - -I counted the fires. Two to the right of the road, one of which seemed -quite near, and had high flames shooting up, which cast a glow all -round. Three to the left, and right in front of us at the axis of our -march, a huge conflagration. - -Spincourt? I had heard that name. - -The guns were growling sullenly. I tried to work, myself up to a -generous pitch of fury. These hamlets in flame, this blood-stained -earth, was my France, my Lorraine! - -But I was like a disconnected electric current. - -We were told to lie down in the ditch where we slept. But not for long. -We were made to get up and retire a little, and lie down again--we -slept once more--then we returned to our first site. We obeyed without -grousing, and this time the rest was more worth having. We dozed until -daybreak. - -The defilade along the white road continued. How many officers and -men, with horror and despair at their hearts, did we meet that August -dawn? Henriot came to find us. He was tortured with suspense at last. -What were all these people doing? We shook our heads, hesitating to -pronounce an opinion. It all passed as in a dream. Silent, preoccupied -phantoms who seemed to be hastening towards some goal.... - -Now, however, some were to be seen whose pace was less rapid, and who -did not detest being looked at--men who had been wounded, only slightly -for the most part--who seemed to be saying, "We have done our bit!" - -A few of us ventured to question them. Oh, what replies we got. A -snare! A shambles! There were too many Huns! Each man claimed to be the -only one left of his battalion or regiment. - -A battalion sergeant-major, hit in the foot, gave us a graphic account. -"The Bosches were coming out of a wood, our 75's loosed off a belt at -them, and made pretty good shooting too. You ought to have seen the -blighters dance! We were under shelter, not far off, enjoying ourselves -enormously. They were blown up and fell in little pieces. Platoon after -platoon cut up. Others followed them, to be met with the same fate. -More still--until at the end of an hour, there was a thick rampart of -dead bodies all along the edge of the wood. But new lots kept on coming -up and crossing the obstacle, others shoving them on from behind. Our -guns were beginning to stop talking--not enough shells. And the grey -swarm slipped through into the plain. Suddenly we were threatened and -attacked and overwhelmed. What could we do? Retire! We ran for our -lives." - -Henriot ground his teeth, and muttered: - -"No, no, not that." - -"You'll soon see!" said the other. - -He saluted, and went on his way limping. - -Other accounts were in a different key. There was often a question of a -defensive taken by us. We advanced, and lay down and fired. Everything -was going well, but then suddenly the hostile machine guns were -unmasked. Ran, ran, ran, ran. The famous crackle went on and on, mowing -our lines down like corn. No use being plucky! What could we do? (That -was the everlasting refrain.) Escape! Never to return again. - -Some badly wounded men appeared supported by three or four comrades -who made use of the excuse to escape. There were very few orderlies -and stretcher-bearers. One heard nothing but complaints, for the most -part unjust, of the army medical corps. Guillaumin undertook to see -a Zouave, who had just come a cropper, to the neighbouring dressing -station. He came back disgusted. A major had grossly insulted him: - -"Oh, go to the devil! Your pal's done for!" - -A certain number, who were dragging themselves along in a sorry state, -found the strength to exhort us, with a melodramatic gesture, to avenge -them. - -Others pitied us: - -"Poor lads. You don't know what it is!" - -"You think not!" retorted Bouguet. "We had a taste of it at Mangiennes!" - -"Pooh!" The others snorted with contempt. "Mangiennes!" Did we think -that counted! - -Some gunners, black with powder, who were squatting in a cart, shook -their fists at the foot-sloggers. The latter, absolutely broken down, -and drunk with rage, returned their invectives. They were just on the -point of pulling out their bayonets. Our company commander, who had -witnessed the scene, seized the most rabid by the collar. His tone and -rank over-awed them. - -An old sergeant, with touches of grey on his temples, followed, holding -his cap in his hand, and repeating in a singsong voice: - -"Stick to your packs, lads!" - -It was broad daylight now. All our _poilus_ were up, taking in every -detail of the show. - -Will you believe that in the end not one of us was seriously -demoralised. Warnings and narratives left us rather sceptical. We -even felt an uncharitable tendency to rag survivors of the furnace. -Their hasty gait, their burlesque accoutrements! Above all each tragic -assurance: "I'm the only one left of the X----," raised storms of -laughter. We had seen dozens and hundreds of bearers of that device -march past! Judsi exclaimed: - -"Don't cry about it, old chap! Your chums are waiting for you in Paris!" - -I believe that at the bottom of our hearts each one of us felt naively -convinced that our arrival would put everything right.... - -The realisation that we were witnessing a rout did however penetrate my -consciousness at last, though still only in a vague way. Vaguely too I -dreaded lest our energy should suffer by it. - -I was delighted when we got orders, about six o'clock, to leave the -high road. We went across country for not more than four or five -hundred yards. - -Some trenches dug there appeared before us, as if by chance. - -A French dirigible, the Fleurus, passed high above our heads, and -seemed, I do not quite know why, a happy omen. - - - - -CHAPTER XIX - -SPINCOURT - - -Heaven knows whether we expected to have to charge from the beginning -to the end of that interminable day. The captain and the subaltern -had warned us. The cannonade raged in front of us and all round us. -The German fire was concentrated against a village below us, on our -right. If we were occupying it, what losses it would mean to us! To -begin with we could see each explosion and the resultant crumbling of -the buildings. Towards midday a thick pall of smoke rose and shrouded -everything. - -The fusillade and the machine-guns joined in the concert. Who would -guess what they reminded me of? The mock symphony with which Miquel had -amused at the Globe Cafe. - -It will be seen that I was far from feeling the same enervation as I -had the other week. I had become a fatalist.... We knew all about being -under fire. We had already been through it. - -I should certainly have been badly bored without Guillaumin's precious -and almost continual society. We began by discussing the situation at -length. He maintained that it was not serious. - -He passed on some of his serenity to me. His eyes shone when he said: - -"And our _poilus_, what!" - -"Admirable!" - -He added: - -"What a fine race they are!" - -I wondered whether he was speaking of the French or the Beaucerons. - -What should he do a little later on, but set about extolling the -treasures lying dormant at the heart of these soldiers. - -"Most of them are married! They nearly all have kids! They never -stop thinking of those who have stayed behind--of their family. That -supports them. It's a case of morale!" - -"Steady on! Don't exaggerate!" - -They were good fellows, the majority, I admitted, and fond of their -families, but the chief point about them was their resignation and -passivity. A worthy herd! - -He insisted. - -"I assure you that they have their own personality and feelings, -and often a very generous share of them. They are certainly no -phrase-makers; it is even very difficult to get them to talk. They -mistrust you and themselves. You would think that they realised that -they would spoil their feelings by trying to express them in their -peasant jargon." - -"Well?" - -"Look how they find a way of writing every or almost every day! Some -of the men in the platoon have asked me to write the addresses, so -that they should be readable. Others, even, to wield the pen while -they dictated the text. Oh, just dull commonplace formulas, but what -a tender longing in them to reassure and cheer. That all declare, -whatever happens, that they are resting, far away from the Bosches, -that everything is going excellently. 'Don't you worry!' is what they -say. What philosophy!" - -"And I'll quote some examples of delicacy; for instance, your Corporal, -Donnadieu, who was hit...." - -I opened my mouth to tell him of the man's trick, a villainy which had -remained unknown. - -"Well," he continued, "I've got a man from his part of the world, from -Neuville. He wrote a letter to the wife, who is just starting a new -baby, to tell her that her husband had been pinked--in case he had not -been able to let her know--but that it was nothing serious, and that he -would keep her informed!" - -Guillaumin now described the arrival of the baggage-master, in the -farmyard the other day (I had missed this scene), and the distribution -of the letters and cards. Some of them had wept. Others hid themselves -to kiss the humble note-paper. - -What a singular state of mind! I considered these men around me lying -about like a lot of animals, their filthy faces, and obtuse foreheads -and dull looks. Bouillon, Gaudereaux, Judsi, did they dream? Yes.... -Perhaps there were visions of children and wives wandering behind the -brute-like masks! For the first time I was drawn to them by a brotherly -instinct. - -I hazarded: "And yet it must be sad to leave some one behind...." - -That started Guillaumin off; he was in an eloquent mood. He recognised -the agonising character of these wars, which involved in the struggle, -not mercenaries, as in olden days, nor even soldiers by profession, -volunteers free of all ties, but the living substance of the nations, -this youth incapable of breaking the chains of blood and of love at -parting. For each man in danger here, how many alarms there would -be yonder in the hearts of wives and mothers! What reverberation of -despair involved in each agony! - -But also what consolation to feel that one was not fighting uniquely -for pay or for glory, but for the safety of one's country! For what -was one's country but places and people, all that one held dear? -Woman above everything! Woman! All that was contained in that word! -The sublime exchange of encouragement. Betrothed and wives, they all -understood their role equally well. This cause was theirs. They had -sobbed at the departure of their loved ones, but most of them had made -no effort to keep them, but had only prayed Heaven to bring them back -victorious. - -He warmed to his subject. I listened, and approved. What a noble -character he was, and what an hour in which to work upon these -thoughts! The din of the battle redoubled. We caught sight of some -wounded not very far away dragging themselves to the high road. -Henriot signed to us. Shells were falling on a little wood less than a -kilometre away from us. We were going to be engaged. I paid homage to a -dear vision within me.... - -Guillaumin cited some examples: Poor little Fremont. He had talked -to him a long time, the day before Mangiennes, about Francoise, his -sweet Francoise. It was to her that he offered all the privation -and weariness, for her sake that he gave proof of such a confident, -charming spirit. And De Valpic! Guillaumin suspected him of holding -out even when ill, in the touching and feverish longing to prove his -valiance to someone.... - -He suddenly lowered his voice: - -"And you, Michel ... whom are you fighting for?" - -My heart melted. How tactfully and ingeniously my friend had led round -to the subject. I burned to reply to this chaste invitation by an -avowal, to confess to him that for me too, toil and suffering were -alleviated ... to tell him a tale of some romance or other with this -girl as heroine. Alas! I restrained myself in time. It would have been -a tale indeed--to lie just at the moment when the need of candour was -devouring me. Could I tell him what there was to tell? Unhappy wretch! -There was nothing! What was there between her and me? Nothing. Good -God, nothing! The pity of it! A holiday friendship, an exchange of -post-cards, that was all.... It was true that for the last few days my -imagination had been indulging in dangerous flights of fancy.... What -an awakening I was preparing for myself. By what right did I think -... that someone else was being inebriated at the same time by a twin -exaltation. It would have needed a miracle and there was nothing to -suggest that! Had my letter arrived? If so would she not have been -astonished, and indeed shocked--not to mention the people with her--at -my having written in a closed envelope? Should I ever receive a reply? - -So I could do nothing but murmur in an offhand tone: - -"Bah! A flirt here and there!" - -I suddenly wondered whether Guillaumin had not asked me, as it often -happens, solely in order to be asked himself. Did he want to open his -heart to me about some secret fondness? At the sight of his ugliness -I thought: "Could any one possibly love him?" But I was annoyed with -myself for this reflection.... - -"And what about you?" I said. - -He smiled, without a trace of sadness or forced merriment. - -"Oh, with a mug like mine! No, there's only one woman with whom I count -for anything, and that's my sister. But for her sake, it would annoy me -to go under!" - -It was the second time that I had heard him allude to his sister. -I questioned him, and he told me she was called Louise, and was -twenty-five years old. They had lived together since their mother's -death. She gave piano lessons. - -"You'll have to get her married," I said. - -He shook his head gently: - -"She is as ugly ... as I am!" - - * * * * * - -Hour after hour went by, without bringing anything worse than our -inaction. We were inclined to become pessimistic. A sinister rumour -spread, at one point--Ought we to believe it?--Yes, Laraque the -connecting file, who had taken refuge with us for a minute, confirmed -the frightful mistake. Our divisional cavalry had ventured outside our -lines, and got into the line of fire from our batteries. A captain in -the observation post had tried distractedly to telephone but just then -the line had been cut and communications interrupted. Pandemonium. -Our batteries had the troopers marked, found their range, and soon -decimated them. They had been seen galloping madly in every direction, -forming into bunches, and ending by flying towards the enemy's -trenches, where they were met by grape-shot. The captain had gone off -his head, the signaller who was responsible had been executed--not that -it undid the damage! - -Laraque left us. We were crushed by his recital. That was a most -gloomy part of the proceedings. The big "coal-boxes" (quite recently -christened) were beginning to pour down on all sides of our line -raising heavy black clouds. A fusillade crackled, a little way off. -Some of our companies were engaged, so they said. Our turn seemed to -have come--we should bring only deadened wills to the impact.... - - * * * * * - -And then suddenly, just as at Mangiennes, the falling dusk took us by -surprise. The call to "Cease fire" went. The extraordinary thing was -that both sides appeared to obey it. The uproar suddenly decreased. - -Laraque passed again bearing better news. First of all--he laughed--the -horrible tale of our cavalry having been annihilated by our 75's ... -well, it had been entirely contradicted! Our guns had fired on the -Uhlans all right, the plain was strewn with their bodies! Then that -village, Houdclancourt, which I have described as having been battered -by the German artillery ever since the morning--an officer who had come -from there had given the exact total of casualties: six wounded, not -one more than that! Pure waste of powder! - -We hastened to pass on the good news to the men. The day ended, on the -whole, on a more favourable note. Our comrades had held out, and we -had not been needed. Nothing to eat? We were accustomed to that ... -the usual thing on evenings after a battle. Lamalou tasted some raw -beetroot, pulled up in a neighbouring field. Everyone was convinced -that we should sleep where we were. But we were to have a surprise. -When it got dark, the order came to abandon the trench, and fall back -on the high road. - -That was a gloomy crossing. All the wounded were gathering on this -side in the hope of getting first-aid. Many of them fell on the way, -some dead, others exhausted, begging for a drink. There were sobs, -and calls of "Mother!" We brushed past these unfortunates, strongly -tempted to stop and help them, but we were forbidden to break ranks! -There was growing indignation, for after all, where in thunder had our -stretcher-bearers got to? - -From the high road, we could see endless dots of light moving about and -crossing each other in the dusk of the plain. The Bosches collecting -their wounded, De Valpic informed me. - -"There's organisation for you!" I said, not without bitterness. - -"Their qualities against our qualities!" - - - - -CHAPTER XX - -THE WAR BEGINS - - -What was to be done with us? We were not left long in doubt.... With -our packs on our backs, we set off. - -Henriot was very much depressed. A cavalry sergeant whom he had -just met had spoken to him of a general falling-back of the troops -supporting us on our right. We immediately formed a salient, likely to -be cut off. - -But Guillaumin joined us. - -"Tommyrot! Why we're just about to surround them on the left." - -He had got the tip from our friend Dagomert, the motor-cyclist. - -The column moved off. We marched all night. - -Nobody was very clear as to what direction we were taking. We were not -moving towards Etain. There was no question of a defeat. We were going -of our own free will. There were regular halts, and comparatively good -order was kept. Everyone was fully convinced that we were carrying -out a wily manoeuvre. We were tickled, in advance, by the idea of -the Bosches' surprise when they saw us appear just where they least -expected us! - -The long halt took place at daybreak, when coffee was distributed. -According to the lieutenant we were in the neighbourhood of Pillon and -Billy, where we had fought the other week. A considerable recoil, no -doubt, but we had left the enemy a long way behind. - -The fact that the division was assembled on this tableland was once -more the signal for troublesome attention from a Taube, which dropped -some bombs, and two star shells without doing any damage. - -De Valpic told me that he feared we might be obliged to fall back on -the Meuse. - -"What makes you think that?" - -"Various things." - -He added: - -"Our object is simply to delay them, I think. The north is where the -game will be lost or won!" - -He had a fit of coughing. Henriot appeared. - -"Would you believe it! The general turned up, and hauled the colonel -over the coals. He declares that we ought not to have left the trenches -we were holding last night!" - -"Oh, rot!" - -"And that we've got to go back!" - -"Nonsense!" - -Yes. When the news got about it called forth anger, cold at first--If -they didn't know what they wanted.... Then the men grew heated. A wave -of rage, and indeed opposition, surged through them. We ourselves did -not quite escape it. - -Luckily, there was a diversion, in the shape of a cart which drove up. -Everyone crowded round. The baggage-master! His horse was foundered. -He had got mail-bags of letters and parcels which he had collected at -Charny, and shouted to us: - -"I've been chasing you for the last three days!" - -Guillaumin took possession of our bundle, and, mounted on a heap of -flints, began the distribution. - -A sea of humans surrounded him, faces stretched forward feverishly, -arms raised tirelessly--De Valpic in the front row between Bouillon and -Humel. - -I had been pushed forward. What did I expect? A line from my father -when he heard the terrible news? Hm! He would hardly have got mine. No. -I expected nothing. One by one the names escaped: Gaudereaux, Descroix, -Lieutenant Henriot. Comrades answered to a certain number of them. - -"Missing! Killed!" - -Brief words which froze. - -I suddenly felt as if I'd had a blow on the head. - -"Dreher!" shouted Guillaumin, looking round for me. - -Lamalou handed me a letter. My eyes dimmed, my head swam. That -writing.... I freed myself from the crush round me. I fled, half -demented. I pinched, and weighed the envelope. How light and yet how -heavy it was! I just missed charging into the captain who was also -hanging about waiting.... I went twenty, fifty, yards, then threw -myself down in a field, at the foot of an apple-tree. - -My heart was still beating a mad measure, and I could hardly get my -breath. I hesitated for a long time before tearing the thin envelope, -then slowly and cautiously pulled out the double sheet which I fingered -and turned over.... That stamp too.... Yes, yes, I knew it! But I was -impatient to revel in the happy certainty: I flew to the signature. - -Jeannine! Jeannine! I shouted the name aloud in a transport of delight. -Then I hurriedly glanced through the first page.... And instantly I -understood that Happiness was descending upon me.... - -As if afraid of so much joy, I hid myself, so to speak, from my ecstasy -for a few seconds behind such reflections as: "The post hasn't lost -much time!" or "That's what you might call a real letter!" As lovers -at their meetings cloak the emotion of the first moments with trivial -remarks. - -Eight pages! She had written eight pages! I began to read them with -tender deliberation. One long, dear harmonious poem! Each line held a -joy in store for me; at each page I turned I was torn betwixt my regret -at seeing it finished and my rapture that the next was beginning. I -could repeat those sentences to-day without hesitating over a single -syllable. - -She was writing, she said, on the evening of August 16th. She had -just received my letter, and was answering it immediately. She wanted -to be the first to send me a word of consolation in my sorrow. My -sorrow? I did not quite understand. It seemed to me that there was no -reason now for anything but envy. Then I reddened. Had I not told her -of my brother's death, on that card? Ah yes, whether consciously or -unconsciously, I had calculated on arousing her pity, her tenderness, -and I had succeeded. She professed herself overcome with emotion. My -only brother! Why--she reproached me gently--had I spoken of him so -rarely? She could see from the tone of my letter how much I loved -him. It was natural--the only being in the world fashioned after my -likeness, hardly any older than myself, the playmate of my childhood, -the confidant of my adolescence. The same profound and simple reasons -which my rejuvenated heart had suggested to me. I held Victor more -dear, I regretted him more poignantly. I blessed Jeannine for having -guessed my brotherly affection. In my card, I had made some passing -allusion to the two little orphans. Here again her thoughts ran -hand-in-hand with mine; she tactfully confirmed me in the idea of my -duties. - -Oh! with what sublime trust, with what exquisite and ingenuous sympathy -these lines overflowed. This language, so new between us, seemed to me -usual and necessary. Jeannine made some reference to the footing we had -been on at Ballaigues, when the tone of our trifling had merely been -one of playful courtesy. She appeared to apologise for the disguise -adopted then. Now we might see each other face to face. She professed -her friendship for me. She did not hesitate to make use of that word, -so delicious and pure, in which I read another, essentially the same, -but more magnificent illuminating the entire universe! - -I had not a shadow of doubt; she cannot have had either. It was the -letter of a fiancee. What surprised me was that we had delayed so long, -before seeing into our hearts. Ever since my departure, and every day -more surely, was not the vision of this child the only one which at -the approach of danger consoled me with a hope, towards whom, in the -hour of safety, my mirth rose up like incense. This hearth had ceased -long since to smoulder under cinders; powerful and generous, it flung -its ardent flames towards the sky. And had I doubted, Jeannine, lest -my passion should not be reciprocated. Could I not summon up a certain -look of yours, or an inflection of your voice which already bore -witness to the chaste avowal. How fervently your fingers had lingered -in mine at parting. We had been consecrated to each other ever since -that time. The present was less surprising--child of the wondrous -past! I seemed already to have spelt out these pages, upon which I was -feasting, in the course of some dream. Their enchantment, as adored -memories, was doubled for me!... - -The end of the missive breathed a tenderness no less proud or strong. -Jeannine knew through the _communiques_, of the brilliant affair at -Mangiennes. She guessed that I had taken part in it, that I was not -wounded--(No! My good fortune lent me too great a halo!) - -By some mysterious intuition she ended up by counselling me to bear -the ill-fortune, which might be near at hand, courageously. What did -she know of it? What presentiment had she? I caught a glimpse of the -fate of returning troops, the ruin of our first hopes. Still distant -hypotheses! And then it would have needed greater misfortunes than that -to damp me. I was filled with enthusiasm. Guillaumin had not lied. What -rapture to consecrate myself to thee, to thy defence, my noble France, -incarnate in a young face!... - - * * * * * - -I turned my steps towards my section; I was coming down to earth, -returning to grim reality.... - -What a sight met my eyes! - -The piles of arms had been broken everywhere; yonder, the neighbouring -battalion was dispersing in the greatest disorder; our lot, disbanded -too, were jostling each other on the road. A regular panic! Guillaumin, -bareheaded, and haggard.... - -"I was looking for you!" he shouted. "What do you say to this?" - -"What? What do you mean?" - -"They're firing on us!" - -"Who?" - -Dragging me along, he gasped: - -"I've got your rifle and your things. Come along. Come along!" - -We rushed down. - -"Do you hear?" - -The echoes of explosions. - -"The 'Taube'?" - -"That was the beggar that marked us! But ... they talked of our going -back.... I don't think! They're close on our heels...! Their artillery, -the 'coal boxes'!" - -He pinched my arm till it bled: - -"And we've been flying all night!" - -I buckled on my pack, in a dazed way as we ran along, and took my rifle -from his. Henriot caught us up: - -"They're coming up from the south too. We're surrounded!" - -He was choking. - -Playoust stopped in front of us and chucked down his pack exclaiming: - -"Wot's the use o' goin' on? We're goners!" - -Some of the men followed his example. - -"You thundering lunatic!" I shouted to him. - -Guillaumin shook his fist at him. I shouted: - -"Keep your rifles, lads! The war's beginning in earnest now, when -you've got to fight for your crops and homes, for everything that's -dear to you!" - -Two or three men who had dropped their arms picked them up. We reached -a cross-road. - -Our _poilus_ were grouped round us. - -"Fall in, No. 3 section." - -"Nicely in the soup, we are!" someone exclaimed. - -"Possibly! But we'll get out of it somehow. Where there's a will, -there's a way!" - -They looked at each other blankly. Then Judsi smacked the barrel of his -rifle with a swagger. - -"So the blighters think they're going to give us a doin'? We'll show -'em wot's wot!" - -I could have hugged him! - - - - -PART III - - - - -_BOOK VII_ - -_August 25th-September 2nd_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -IN RETREAT - - -What memories I have of those days of retreat and disaster. Days when -not only Victory, but Hope, also, hid her face! Chance and destiny and -logic were so many forces crushing us. Everything was giving way. We -suffered in every kind of way, from hunger, cold, heat, exhaustion, -moral anguish, lack of news. Virile busy days, when the plan of -salvation germinated in the brain of our leaders, when the work of -redemption was accomplished in silence in the heart of each man and the -nation at large. Days, I should weep not to have spent where I ought, -as I ought!... - - * * * * * - -That afternoon, first of all, which we spent wandering in a forest. -Surrounded? We were not far from it. The men were well aware of -the sentries posted everywhere, and the patrol parties sent out to -investigate in every direction. - -One scene stands out particularly clearly in my memory. Those -staff-officers we passed as I was going with my section to inspect a -certain issue. The general seated on the edge of a slope with his -head between his hands, his subordinates standing motionless a few -steps away, respecting his meditation. A little farther on were the -orderlies, holding their horses by their halters. An hour later as -we were returning, we found them at the same place, and in the same -attitudes, the general with his head still sunk in his hands, his -aides-de-camp silently fixing their eyes on him. - -A petrified tableau. So all these people expected nothing better than -to have to give up their swords. I thought we were done for, but forced -myself to distract the attention of my companions. - -We afterwards learnt that during the twenty-four hours there, we had, -in high places, been looked upon as taken, and coldly struck off the -lists. We owed our escape solely to a company sergeant-major, a native -of that part of the country, who, having made careful inquiries about -the limits of the hostile advance, went, that evening, to find the -general in charge of the division, and offered himself as guide. - -It was our last chance. We followed him. The march lasted for three -hours. Only a small number of us discerned the tragic element floating -about us. The men complained of the absence of halts. The strictest -silence had been imposed upon us, we even had to hold the sheaths of -our bayonets in our hands. At the most dangerous point some palavering -in undertones, and obstreperous horse-play went on, a practical joke. -The Bosches no doubt were tired out; their sentries dead tired! A few -shots cracked on our flanks. We reached Cremilly. That apparently meant -that we were saved. - -For one day! - -That was only the mild beginning of our trials. After a morning's rest -we started again, with a charitable warning that we should have to keep -at it until nightfall. We had to keep at it all night too, and the next -day.... A forced march of thirty hours, the stiffest in the campaign! I -may mention further that we had not slept or had a bite of food since -two days before.... A miracle of human endurance. - -As long as it was light I vaguely noticed the road we covered. The -noise of the firing was growing weaker. We were falling back on the -Meuse, as De Valpic had predicted. - -Back there already! I lamented so much lost territory. This thought -pained me. I looked with the aching heart with which one salutes -abandoned patrimony, at these fields and valleys, these woods, which I -examined with such a cold and detached gaze a few weeks ago. Lorraine -was actually becoming dear to me! I began to realise that each part -of the world has its own particular character.... The tender green -of these pastures which not even the ardour of a torrid summer had -been able to alter! The calm and haughty harmony of this billowing -ground.... I was seized with affection for this pensive and laborious -race by whose property the whole of the French lineage is enriched. The -names recurred to me of authors born in these parts, who wove their -noble blossoms for our literary crown, of painters who had grown up and -erected their easels here, attracted by the enchantment of the mist. -And all that belonged there of our history: Varennes, the flight of -Louis XVI., the romantic episode on the threshold of a troubled and -magnificent epopee!... Valmy, Sedan close at hand! We were, as I have -said, drawing near to the Meuse. Fifteen or twenty miles up-stream lay -Domremy and Vaucouleurs. Were these hamlets full of sacred memories -destined to crumble within a few days beneath the Teuton howitzers? - -And if we had to retreat still farther! My gaze took in the hills, and -the expanse of pale sky. Fortin's brutal warning recurred to my mind. -"What they needed first was what remained to us of Lorraine, Champagne, -and the Franche-Comte...." - -My heart contracted. I murmured, "No, no!" - - * * * * * - -Hours and hours passed by. The evening fell. There were no halts, or -almost none. The night came down. We went on mechanically, hour after -hour, bowed beneath our packs. No one stayed behind. Guillaumin had -spread the report that the Uhlans, pushing on behind us, butchered all -the stragglers--a superfluous intimidation. After three weeks of active -service, those who had already fallen out eliminated, these classes -of reserves contained nothing but unusually good soldiers ... no more -sentiment or thought ... admirable beasts of burden. Shall I say that -we slept standing up? But I mean it quite literally. Many of them I -swear were snoring. Every other minute one got one's neighbour's rifle -in the shoulder or in the face: not that it woke one up for very long. -It was astonishing that there were no serious accidents. Had we crossed -the Meuse? Were we continuing to skirt it? Guillaumin was talking in -his sleep. At one point he said to me: - -"We're going through Verdun, you see?" - -I raised my heavy eyes and said: - -"Are you sure?" - -He made a movement with his head: - -"Look at these two-storied houses." - -They were the trees bordering the road. I had not even the strength -to smile. At dawn an artillery officer galloped along the column. He -slowed down on a level with us and asked: - -"Have you seen him? My orderly! He must have fallen off his horse on to -the road." - -The men nudged and questioned each other. Nobody, no. Nobody had seen -anything. We learnt, ten minutes later, that the man had just been -picked up gasping and on the point of death, a kilometre behind us. The -whole regiment had gone over his body without noticing it. - -Farther on--the longing to sleep had left me since it had grown light -again--I witnessed a touching scene. - -Henriot looked me up and whispered: - -"I say, we shall pass my home!" - -I was interested. - -"At Genicourt?" - -"Yes, the village after this one." - -We had just entered Dieu. The lieutenant stayed beside me. When, on -leaving the village, he saw that we were turning to the right, his face -clouded over: - -"What in the world are we going to do over there!" - -We were crossing the river; we should leave Genicourt on the left! - -"Do you think, do you think," he said, "that I might ask the -captain...?" - -Ask what? For permission to go and kiss his mother. - -"Of course!" I said. - -I never dreamt that it would be refused. - -He left me, but soon came back: - -"The captain didn't want me to. He's quite right. Quite right!" - -But the most terrible misery was depicted on his face. He continued: - -"And do you know. He assures me that it would have been no good, that -the village must be evacuated because ... because it's on ... the right -bank!" - -He stopped at the side of the road. - -"Oh! Dreher! I should never have thought that they would have left it, -that they would...." - -Genicourt, his birthplace, devoted to ruin, to the worst ravages, to -the fate of those wretched villages whose funeral pyres had blazed like -beacons on the horizon, yesterday. - -"Come along, sir." - -He followed me like a child, adding: - -"You, you understand, don't you? You who are a Lorrain too. The captain -told me that over there in your direction, towards Luneville, we have -had to retire too, and let them penetrate into our territory...." - -It was a striking coincidence--that fact that he told me. I had had a -presentiment of it. All night I had confusedly turned this apprehension -over in my mind. Ebermenil. Ebermenil. - -How often had I not repeated to myself that I felt no particular -attachment to this hamlet where chance, and chance alone, had decreed -that I was to be born! I had not set foot in it since I was ten years -old. We only kept the estate out of affection for the past. Why did I -suddenly have a strikingly clear vision of the white house with green -shutters, the big fir beneath whose shade the table was often laid? I -called to mind other scenes. The little pond where we always tried to -catch the gold fish--I had fallen in twice--the nursery where we fought -with Eureka pistols, the croquet lawn, where mother used to play with -me against father and Victor--Victor! Mother! O dear shades! Yonder lay -my childhood dead, with the vanished beings. This part of the world was -for me a unique centre of emotions. I made a vow to go back there and -soak myself with its melancholy and charm. But a cloud intervened. What -if the old place had been sacked? Perhaps the old fir-tree had fallen! -Revolted at the thought, I felt the shock of an individual rancour. My -heart contracted. We should see! - - - - -CHAPTER II - -DARK DAYS - - -That march without halt or respite had led us to the neighbourhood of -St. Mihiel. There was some talk of our being told off for the active -defence of Toul. But the next day found us reascending toward the -north-east. All the same ground to cover again. We made the best of a -bad job. - -We passed close to Genicourt for the second time. Henriot made no more -requests, but his gaze lingered sadly on those roofs separated from us -by the river; and from that day a secret spring seemed to have snapped -in him. - -After another hard day's march we again reached the Meuse which we had -left behind the day before, in order to cut south of Verdun. - -The river was not very broad at this point, only twenty yards or so, -nor very deep, and there were numerous fords. The night was falling. -The liquid sheet seemed heavier and darker than usual. Guillaumin who -was the first to go down to the bank shouted to me: - -"I say, the water's red!" - -I was loath to believe it; and yet ... I joined him and plunged my -hand into it, and then drew it out. These dark stains--must be a -bloody deposit! How horrible! I hurriedly wiped my hand on the grass. -The rushes washed by the current were soiled in a like manner. Those -shapeless masses floating below the surface, if one looked hard, turned -out to be corpses! - -Had there been fighting on these banks? No, up-stream, we learnt. -Furious attempts on the part of the Germans to force this important -piece of line. They had sustained terrible losses. Their bodies, we -were told, obstructed the course of the river; it could be crossed -dry-shod. - -We stayed there that night and the next morning--a repulsive halting -place. An acrid odour rose from this charnel stream. - -We luckily had a tale of victory to lull us to sleep: the enemy -shattering themselves against the obstacle; artillerymen filing off mad -with joy caressing their guns. One of their captains boasted that he -had demolished more than six thousand Bosches with his four batteries. -How could we question such feats of prowess while a never-ending stream -of human relics floated past on the stream at our feet? The best proof -of our success arrived in the shape of an order to recross the Meuse -and advance again. - -A few miles recovered! I greeted with a friendly glance the lovely -hills and valleys that saw us again so soon, as victors. - - * * * * * - -We entered a village named Hazaumont, which the Teuton flood had -submerged barely for an instant; and stayed there all day. We had to be -on the alert as the guns were thundering in the neighbourhood, but it -was a rest for mind and body nevertheless. - -The few inhabitants who had stayed behind exploited the situation. I -still laugh when I think of the old woman who was selling her bad wine -at four francs a bottle. - -Judsi, when he learnt the price, gaped with astonishment, opened -his hands, and dropped two bottles which he had seized. There was a -resounding crash! And he retired, politely saying: - -"Too dear, madam!" - -The old woman uttered piercing shrieks and lodged a complaint. A lot of -good it did her. The captain requisitioned the entire contents of her -cellar, at tenpence a bottle, indiscriminately! - -We might once more have been at manoeuvres. We ate and drank, and got a -good afternoon's nap; what could we wish for more! One of Guillaumin's -corporals found a way of hiring himself out to give a hand to the -publican in the village. He had his work cut out for him, dashing -out from the tap-room to the tables in the garden, but he was richly -rewarded for his pains, in the evening, by the great pailful of wine -which he brought back in triumph. - -He was hailed with delight. There were some abuses, of course. Lamalou -was heard to ask: - -"Any one got an empty haversack?" - -He disappeared and came back with a rabbit, and a chicken. - -The Bosches had not pillaged much, only a few houses. I won't swear -to it that certain others did not suffer by our doing. There were -complaints by the mayor, and an inquiry; they spoke of a thief caught -in the act. - -The officers in command, on the contrary, closed their eyes to the -orgies and drinking parties. Discipline was relaxed, in fact. I was a -little disquieted about it, in spite of the fact that, in our lot at -all events, the men kept within certain limits. It is certain that -they were feverishly anxious and eager to make the most of all the -material benefits, which they might not enjoy for very much longer. And -surely the thought that a lot of these fine lads would be under the -ground to-morrow was a good enough excuse. - -The place stank of spies. During our short stay, several were -discovered, and had summary justice dealt out to them, which gave -rise to a tendency to see them everywhere. Every civilian fell -under suspicion; there were repeated disputes between soldiers and -villagers--ill usage and reprisals. We will draw a veil over it! It was -sickening! - -As to the general situation, the large majority never gave it a -thought, and we others still knew nothing. - -General Pau was supposed to be striking a knock-down blow in Belgium -while Castelnau on the other wing was pushing on the invasion of -Alsace. A superb enveloping movement! All that our army group in the -centre, which served as a pivot, had to do, was to hold out, to avoid -being broken through. This slight retirement, on our part, had been of -small importance. - -But matters were to be precipitated. - -The same evening we leave Bethain to march northwards towards the -firing. We do not get very far. The moment our advance companies enter -a village, a hail of "Black Marias" begins--there are heavy losses--we -retire in disorder--an accomplice in the steeple is signalling to the -enemy. We have orders to shoot him; he escapes. A deadly halt in a -field. - -And suddenly on the road close by a hullabaloo, a rout. That stream -of fugitives, runaways, and wounded. We know all about that! -Spincourt over again! An infallible sign of defeat! Surprise and -bitterness--once more! - -Some battalions marched past in comparatively good order, troops from -the south, who had fought as well as any of the others, but their -accents and black beards tickled our sense of humour, and a stupid tale -got about that they gave way without fighting. - -Terrible tidings were passed along, spread by the captain, a native of -Tarascon, I imagine, who ran up to one of our officers: - -"Where are you going?" - -"To occupy that village." - -"Impossible, my dear fellow!" - -"How's that?" - -"We've just come from there! It's raining bommmbs!" - -Our halt lasts an eternity. The firing is drawing nearer. A moonless -night. We hate the feeling of passing on to the front, without having -heard ourselves shout to any one, to get out of the way--one of the -rare occasions when one wishes instinctively to retire. Not far behind -us, we felt, was the Meuse. Yes, there we could make a stand! - -The village we entered a few hours ago is on fire. The stream on the -road is becoming less dense. The report once more spreads that we are -cut off, or at all events forgotten, it appears. - -Or sacrificed? The colonel warns us that our division has orders to -protect the retreat, to hold out to the last extremity. That revives -our courage! But I consider. A division to form a rear-guard? How many -corps were there crowded there! - -They at last decided to take us back. The wan dawn--the "coal-boxes" -beginning again. At one point their crash passes so low above our -heads that we should like to bend right down to the ground. We are -surrounded on all sides by the terrible detonations. A hundred yards -from us a platoon of the 23rd battalion is pounded to pieces--an -abominable sight! - -We have the strength to make our way.... But the lowlands and ditches -and woods are running over with wounded; and men who have come to the -end of their strength succumbing to over-work and hunger. Mounted -police scour the roads, in increasing numbers, and beat the bushes, -shaking men by the collars who seem to be asleep, but sometimes turn -out to be dead. - -Our instructions were explicit. By midday not one of our men was to be -on the right bank of the Meuse. - - * * * * * - -At this point my recollections of places and dates become rather -involved. Three, four days.... What happened? We march and march, and -we fight. But there are no long engagements. - -We expect to hold each prepared and organised position. No! we are -turned and overwhelmed. We have to break up, pursued by hostile -projectiles. And what a nightmare the Taubes are. They harry you hour -after hour, dropping grenades and bombs, and also messages which we -have neither the time nor the inclination to read. Incredibly daring -pilots descend to within fifty yards! We fire on them in a fury, with -"Archibalds" and rifles and revolvers. All in vain! Nothing touches -them. The bird flies off.... I've seen some of the lads exasperated to -such a pitch that they began to throw stones. - -The line of the Meuse? Far from it! We could not hold it for an hour. -The Germans had just crossed it at Consenvoye and elsewhere. - -An insane circuit began. Souilly, Montfaucon, Exermont, Tailly--I won't -be answerable for the order in which they came. - -The most striking episode occurred at Beauclair. - -Some Uhlans were said to be resting in the village. We were ordered to -chase them out of it. For once in a way our artillery prepared the way -for us, by peppering it for a good hour. Then a whistle was blown--we -were hanging about on the outskirts--"Fix bayonets! Charge!" - -We rushed the village, marvelling, in spite of the preparation, at -such an easy success. Then we saw that the enemy had been warned and -had evacuated it just before the bombardment had begun. The horrible -part was that we had destroyed this village for nothing, nothing at -all. Not a house was left standing, not a strip of wall spared. Some -of the inhabitants, some women, came out of the smoking remains. They -had taken refuge in the cellars during the devastating cyclone,--many -of them had been killed there. Mad with rancour, among the ruins, they -hurled taunts at us: - -"Ah. It's you! It's your work, is it! Even the Bosches are better than -you!" - -That evening, we retired again after severe fighting. A night march, in -zigzag formation, and in the morning bewilderment. We had retired too -quickly, it seemed, leaving all our artillery unsupported, and in the -greatest danger. - -We ourselves were surrounded, so it was said. This time it was really -serious! We were assured that the situation was as desperate as it -could be. - -Our colonel, the one like Dumeny, had got a splinter in his thigh. -The new one collected his officers and pointed out that no choice was -left but to surrender or perish. His had been made he added, tapping -his revolver. (Henriot was my authority for these details.) Someone or -other, he said, had gone as far as to suggest cutting up the colours to -prevent them being left in the hands of the enemy. Each N.C.O. and each -private should carry away a shred. - -They had got as far as that! And then a young staff-captain dropped -into the middle of them shouting; - -"For Heaven's sake, sir, send someone to relieve the guns!" - -He energetically took the direction of the operations into his own -hands. A certain battalion was to play a certain part! Such-and-such a -company as flankers. And there was not a minute to be lost! - -He was a born leader! We would have followed him wherever he chose. - -Our counter-attack was successful, and enabled the gunners to bring -their batteries and ammunition waggons back. - -There was talk, the same day, of an extensive advantage obtained in -our neighbourhood. We triumphantly thought we had done with these -retrograde marches. - -No such luck! At night, orders came as usual to beat a retreat. We were -entering on another stage of our fantastic itinerary. A flight--as -we were being pursued. The hamlets of Argonne again burst into flame -behind us. One evening twelve torches could be counted blazing beneath -the lowering sky.... - -Astounding rumours began to spread. The most persistent, but also the -one which found the least credence, was this: - -"Laon and La Fere invested!" - - - - -CHAPTER III - -STRENGTH OF MIND - - -Would it be a surprise to hear that not for one instant during that -time did I experience the faintest shadow of discouragement? And -yet I did not shut my eyes to the truth. I did not in the least -disregard the desperately critical element in our position. My -steadfastness arose, I believe, from the deep-rooted conviction that -if, in such circumstances, the nation abandoned the least iota of her -self-confidence, all would be up with her and with us. I was conscious -of being a molecule participating in the whole. The slightest faltering -on my part would have diminished the strength of my platoon, of my -company, of the whole regiment. In the same way, I thought, my energy -must raise it and reinforce it. And besides, my will did not need -stiffening, I was steeped in serene faith, infinitely more convinced -of our final success, all through this retreat, which resembled a -disaster, than I had been a few days before, when I kept watch at the -outposts of a victorious army. "Just wait a little," I repeated to -myself obstinately. Our adversary was gaining an advantage, driving us -in front of him. Very well! We were suffering, and we should suffer -endless ills,--especially when autumn came on,--desertions, partial -mutinies might occur. Everyone counted on some terrible epidemic. There -would be nothing surprising in new and still more serious defeats. -Yes, but afterwards, afterwards? Afterwards, I conceived a limit to our -misfortunes, but not to our resources. I discerned in myself, in us, -a capacity for resistance against which the effort of the enemy would -spend itself in vain however tenacious it might be. - -To what must I attribute the expansion of my strength of mind? I asked -myself then, and have considered it since. - -To the boon, first of all, of being descended from that sturdy stock. -I remembered the vitality my mother had always shown. Had she not -nursed me at night during my long illnesses for three weeks at a time, -without neglecting one of her duties during the day? And my father, and -his behaviour from one end to the other of the preceding war! Taken -prisoner once, wounded twice, he considered the armistice shamefully -premature after six months of incessant fighting. - -On searching my memory, I did not fail to find indication of the force -latent in me, which had had no opportunity of increasing owing to the -paltry conditions of my life as a young well-to-do _bourgeois_. That -Rugby semi-final for the inter-school championship, played between my -college and the "Lilies of the Valley" from Bourdeaux. Our opponents, -favoured by the wind and sun, had kept the game in our "twenty-five" -nearly all the first half, and had scored four tries and two goals. -That meant a beating for us; despair in our team. I can see myself at -half-time, ceasing to suck my lemon in order to make a manly speech to -my fourteen comrades. In the second half, we kicked off, got the play -into their "twenty-five," and in our turn, scored two tries, the second -of which was converted. We could not have gained more satisfaction by -beating them, than we did by avoiding a humiliating defeat. - -Does the comparison make you smile? - -But I belonged to a generation which had already profited by the proud -lesson of sport. I had pursued all the most violent athletics, less on -rational than on passionate grounds, and for the delights of self-love -which bear such a wonderful attraction for youthful hearts. I had run, -boxed, and swum. I had been broken into the games where the individual -learns to collaborate unselfishly with his partners. I bear witness to -the nobility of that school. Without suspecting it I had gained a moral -education there. One comes out tempered for any struggle, after having -tried conclusions with rival energies over and over again in friendly -meetings. - -And even if I had gained nothing but the bodily benefit! - -The play of my muscles and organs was free and healthy and unhampered. -Well fed as we were, except on one or two occasions, I could have gone -to the world's end. As I became hardened, I no longer got as tired as -I had on the first days. I lay down to sleep, never mind where, and I -slept. On waking up all I felt was a suspicion of stiffness, nothing -more. The first advance! How often I was lucky enough to be able to -give a helping hand to some man, by carrying his rifle or his load for -him for an hour or two. My own pack sat lightly on me, seemed to have -become part of me. I remember how distracted I was one day--I must have -left it on the bank just now, I exclaimed, during the long halt...! - -Guillaumin saw that I was not laughing, it was he who exploded: My -pack? It had been plastered on to my shoulders the whole blessed time! - -Another motive for my strength of mind, the chief one, was my -correspondence. - -There were many complaints during those weeks, about the delay in -the postal service. With us--I can only state the fact--it worked -adequately, no, admirably. I have described how the baggage-master -caught us up, the day after "Spincourt." By some knack, or lucky -chance, we saw him arrive twice more during the week, trotting -cheerily along behind his lean mare. He was a good sort, and related -his adventures, which others might have called feats of prowess. -How many times had he just missed being killed, wounded, or taken -prisoner! These were reliable accounts: his cart had been riddled, and -the splinter of a shell had pulverised one of his post-bags one day. -Neither he nor his beast had ever been touched. - -The second mail brought me a letter from my father. He knew at last; he -had had official information. It was a grave and sorrowful missive. His -affection and hope were centred entirely upon me, he assured me. In his -manlike way of expressing himself, where there was not one unnecessary -word, I discovered traces of an attachment which I had formerly refused -to recognise. - -And this added page--was from the poor little widow. After leaving St. -Mihiel, which was threatened, she reached Paris just in time to be -greeted by the abominable news. She was bearing up in the face of the -terrible shock. I had dreaded collapse and prostration for her. And now -no one could help admiring her, shining with resolute determination -in her affliction--two little children to bring up--the sense of her -duties! How I should have liked to go to her and take her hands and -say: "I mourn with you, my sister. If I live, dispose of me as you -will!" - - * * * * * - -What a transport of delight I was thrown into by these appearances of -the baggage-master. Jeannine, with divine consideration, had written -to me again without waiting for my reply, which might be delayed, she -said, by so many chances. In future she intended to write me a line -almost every day. A line! That meant long, affectionate epistles. Two -reached me at once, then three together, the second time. - -With a modesty to which I mutely paid homage, Jeannine avoided all -allusions to the new state of affairs which had actually risen -between us. But I read her passionate infatuation between the -lines, in the burning contents of these letters. Scraps of them -still float in my memory. She spoke of herself and of me, of my -people and her people--our people. She touched lightly upon every -subject, which at that time affected us like so many millions of our -brothers. Did she not recall as if by chance various of those high -problems which had formed the subject of our smiling discussions at -Ballaigues--self-sacrifice, abnegation, disinterested attachment to -such and such an idea or being? Did I deign now to bow before this -sublime foolishness, she wondered? She did not insist upon it. She -knew that she had easily carried her point. I developed our motives -of inspiration, and returned them to her. They were all secretly -contained--and she felt it, the sweet creature--in this one, we loved -each other. - -Love! I dared to look this prodigious word in the face. The vision -of promised joy kept me up. When once the war was over, the country -saved,--in her eyes and in mine, everything else must give way to -that--I pictured our reunion, our brief betrothal, and the day, oh -God, the day when we should kneel side by side--What could it matter -whatever separated me from that time? Toil and suffering, the spilling -of my blood, what was it all? A moderate advance when such wondrous -radiance filled the horizon. - -I had not given up my habit of analysis. An attitude of mind which -stays with one, I believe, till death, when once adopted. I sometimes -wondered at my youthful enthusiasm. Was I a captive? Caught up in the -whirlwind? I who had thought myself safely in shelter. I asked myself -whether this ardour were not partially fictitious or at all events -ephemeral? How unlike me it was--I, who was so much imbued with the -idea of my cold-bloodedness and stoicism--to become infatuated about -this child, and that too when I was no longer in her presence, when I -had been able to live beside her for weeks without being in the least -perturbed or inflamed. Such reflections drew me as the bushes on the -river-bank draw an abandoned boat drifting with the current. It was -only a brief fluctuation. I gave one or two powerful strokes with the -oars, and regained the open river, where the rapid stream carried me -away. - -It was true, I admitted, that a month or two ago, when I had been -face to face with her, I was incapable of love, or of any exalted -feelings. But was I alive at that time? No. No. A secret affliction -robbed my destiny of all true zest. Let me revel to-day in the supreme -instinct which was reviving in me! Was this instinct folly? It was -quite possible. Especially this passion which had suddenly blossomed -in such abnormal circumstances? But what was there more beautiful than -a beautiful folly? If, after having been hurled, by the brutality of -circumstances, from my quietude into the sphere where the fate of -primitive beings was under discussion--what more natural than that -I should be born anew to their fire and rapture. What delight there -was in recurring to an artless frame of mind, what pride at the same -time in retaining a certain elevation of thought. Love could no longer -mean for me mere desire. I magnificently mingled metaphysical reveries -with it. I flattered myself on having attained perfect poise--on being -philosopher enough to give my fever an august flavour--man enough to -quiver at it. - -In my replies to Jeannine I was as reserved as she was as regarded -our deepest feelings. Like her I poured myself out in passionate -meditations on the present circumstances. Any treatment seemed to -suit them, from arch frivolity to lyricism. I, who formerly used to -be so particular about each letter being written in an accurate, and -indeed elegant style, now scribbled away at page after page, just as -they occurred to me. I did not even read them over! A soldier to his -fiancee! The slips must take care of themselves. And I took a kind of -pride in baring my soul, which no longer hid any evil recesses.... - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -OH, MY FRIENDS! - - -In whom should I confide the secret which made my heart leap? - -Could I hesitate when Guillaumin was beside me! - -Lively, hearty, and full of go, he was an incomparable companion. He -fought as if he had been born to it.... He was in for it, and would -stick to it. He had thought it would only be a short business. He -realised that it would be a long one. Couldn't be helped! Why grouse -about it? He preferred to save his breath. Not for an instant did he -dream that we could negotiate for peace as losers. One felt that he -would march on patiently counting always on revenge, sooner or later, -as long as he had the legs to march on; that he would fight as long as -he had the arms to fight with. - -How fond I was of him! How worthy he was of my confidence! - -I hesitated, all the same, for a long time. It was the effect of -my rooted suspicion of my fellow-beings--I swear that I lacked the -courage. One day, however, when we were marching--he was talking to me -about his sister who was a musician--I made some allusion to Jeannine, -also a musician. He looked at me, and I made up my mind to it, I so -much wanted him to know. But my tone played me false in the most -bizarre manner, cloaking itself in false irony. I seemed to be giving -an account of a casual flirtation. What would this unimportant intrigue -end in? I pretended to have no idea of it. And the word, the delicious -word, which was ready to blossom on my lips, was never pronounced. - -Hypocritical trifling! How I cursed it, on looking back at it. How -thankful I was to Claude for not adopting the same frivolous tone in -his turn. If he had done so, that would have been the end of it. I -should have retired within myself, embittered by the idea that I had -been misunderstood or, worse still, we should have continued to make -meaningless remarks on the subject, which would have done violence to -my love. Instead of which Guillaumin guessed that I was, in spite of -myself, the victim of an absurd timidity; it was he who, by insensible -degrees directed our conversation into a more cordial and sincere -channel. He made his interest clear to me. My confidence touched him, -he refused to treat it as an insignificant sentiment. Then I took the -final step, and knew the sweetness of self-abandonment. - -Without a blush, since I was sure that no chaffing threatened me, I was -able to describe to him in detail the progress of the sweet seduction -right up to the glorious ecstasy. He listened to me unwearyingly, -encouraging me by a strange word or nod. The next day he gave me an -opening, which I had vaguely desired, to return to my subject. He -smiled at me, when my next letters came, and his eyes shone. His -friendship performed the miracle of making him happy because I was. - - * * * * * - -De Valpic had stayed with us. I had pressed him in vain to report -sick. Guillaumin, and the captain too had urged him to. Circumstances -robbed our exhortation of all efficacy. He said repeatedly that it was -a time when the country claimed the determined effort of all her sons. -If I insisted, he cut me short with: - -"Dreher, you wouldn't desert us!..." - -So he went on, and refused to give in. He valiantly accomplished the -terrible marches, and bore the sleepless nights, and the days without -rest. We sometimes found him sitting down panting, during the halts, -without even the strength to wipe his forehead. His appearance then -would terrify us, his hollow eyes, and flaming cheek-bones. In a few -days his features had become peaked, his face emaciated; his poor -shoulders were bowed. One would never have expected him to go down hill -so rapidly. His cough was growing more rasping. He expectorated freely, -but always--with touching consideration--into a little spittoon, -concealed until then in his pack. We hardly dared to ask him how he -was. He had asked me lightly not to refer to the subject again. - -"I am better, I assure you, since I've given up thinking about it!" - -"But what about your temperature?" - -"I'm not feverish now. I've thrown away my thermometer. I ought to have -begun by doing that!" - -He did not let a day go by without writing, any more than I did. He -was always on the lookout for ways of despatching his letters, and was -usually obliging enough to allow me to profit by them. - -I was totally ignorant of anything concerning the object of his love, -her name and age and everything. The one question he had pronounced -had been enough to make me understand his devotion for her. She too, I -guessed, must love him, if she was willing to wait till he recovered. - -I used to wonder about this girl--a stranger to me. I imagined her as -the bearer of a great name, endowed with beauty and every fascination. -What a couple they would make! Alas, and that would never be! Would -she recognise her fiance, when the war gave him back to her, battered, -and at the end of his strength, destined to fade away? I pictured him -on a long chair shivering and pulling his rug over his knees. The idea -obsessed me. Like imaginations must harry him ceaselessly. With a vague -eye, and a far-away look he must often be thinking of her, whom he -would see again--if things were looked at in their best light--only for -a moment. - -The closest intimacy had sprung up between him and Guillaumin and me. - -De Valpic was in the first platoon with Humel, Descroix and Playoust, -and suffered more than we did from contact with that "lot." They -disliked him, and reproached him with being stuck up, and sly,--he -who was so simple, and straightforward! They did him bad turns, and -arranged once or twice--we messed in platoons now--to defraud him of -his share, on the pretext that he was late. Playoust who had wormed his -way into the sergeant-major's good graces got the "viscount" warned for -several tiring fatigues. At Bethaincourt, for instance, the unfortunate -creature was left behind to wait for the certificate of good conduct. -The Mayor, having finally refused, after long disputes, he caught us up -in the middle of the night, after a forced march. We did not get wind -of this bullying at once. We did not see much of the Humel-Playoust -set, and De Valpic hated making complaints; he would have preferred to -see peace established, even if it were to his own detriment. - -Everyday, however, we monopolised him more and more. He joined our mess -which Gaufreteau had agreed to manage, ever since Spincourt, and which -aroused everyone's envy, so savory were the fumes which rose from it, -even in the most tragic hours, and amid the dearth of all resources. - -We three lost no time in finding each other during long halts, and at -the end of the day's marching. When we were not too much worn out we -had long confabs. The strange thing was that at those times De Valpic -was the one of us who was always the most animated. He no longer -slipped away! We wanted him to spare himself, but he, apologising -for his fits of coughing, led us on in spite of ourselves, lavishly -displaying the riches of his unusual mind. Was it with a view to -diverting his thoughts, or did he realise that his enthusiasm was a -source of inspiration to us? What a marvellous conversationalist he -was! I was dumbfounded by the extent of his knowledge, the region of -his curiosity. Our discussions often turned upon the issue of the -present campaign. How great was his optimism based on facts, not on -illusions! There was no pretension about it, by the way; it was all -said in a playful friendly tone, which did not recoil on occasion -before a crude or, shall we say, military expression emphasised by his -rare smile. - -We expressed our opinions, flattering, or the reverse, on everyone -about us: _poilus_, N.C.O.'s, and our leaders. What intuition and -penetration De Valpic showed. How shrewdly he judged poor Henriot, for -instance, who was completely demoralised, and, because he was ashamed -of it, retired into his shell, and shunned all society. - -"A Lorrain, and an elementary school-master!" - -He developed his idea, showing us that these frontier people were more -chauvinistic than us, apparently, more warlike, and more nervous. It -was they who had suffered most from the invasion in 1870, so that there -was nothing more natural than that they should flag quickly at the -arrival of a second disaster. They were always the first to suffer. -And how easy it was to get into the habit of thinking of the enemy as -insatiable and invincible, everlastingly stretching out its claws over -their territory. And again he made game of our classic education which -assuredly must temper the character by the obscure recollection it -propagates of so many traits of heroism, of so many noble passions! But -he interrupted himself, fearing to be too sweeping: - -"For that matter, there are heaps of first-rate fellows among these -schoolmasters!" - -We knew some, but not as many as he did! He quoted various names. -Hermeline in the 18th had died heroically the other day, defending the -bridge at Clery. - -One evening our intercourse assumed a philosophic complexion. I amused -myself by inveigling Guillaumin into insidious discussions. He fought -hard, and appealed several times to De Valpic whose courteous decisions -struck me by their perspicuity; and also to the highmindedness they -seemed to bear witness to. And yet they must necessarily be inspired -by some moral philosophy--Which? It will be remembered that the very -sound of the word used to importunate me. Once started, I sketched -the outline of my late doctrines. I was curious to see with what -dialectics my companions would oppose those I had so often proved -irrefutable. I pressed them. I showed the logic of integral egoism, the -impossibility for man to create any duty other than his happiness. - -"What do you think about it, De Valpic?" - -He quietly remarked that moral philosophy in his eyes was one with -religion. - -"Which religion?" - -"I only know of one!" - -This steadfastness did not displease me. I was not ignorant of his -principles. I had seen him, the very day before, during our stay at -Hazaumont, leave us to go and see a priest and communicate. Was his -belief irrational--foolish? But at these fateful junctures, were not -certain sublime follies our only stays? - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A SHADOW ON THE PICTURE - - -It was fortunate that we were three friends, three brothers, each less -devoted to himself than to the others. How lonely it would have been -otherwise! In billets we sometimes happened to come across friends -from other companies: Laraque, Ladmirault, or Holveck. There would be -a handshake, and a few words, no more, and then we separated. They on -their side lived for themselves. The breach between us and the other -N.C.O.'s was widening. - -I except Breton, the quartermaster-sergeant, who, on the contrary, -sided with us. We must needs do him justice for the care and cleverness -with which he accomplished his task of commanding No. 4 platoon where -Hourcade seconded him badly, and keeping the books of the whole company -under the captain's supervision. Sturdy and square-shouldered, it was -good to see him going off with the camp material towards the end of a -long halt. He nearly always succeeded in hunting out suitable sites. -His responsibility and the country life suited him. He no doubt looked -forward to the military medal, and the sergeant-major's stripe, at the -end of this venture. Plucky under fire, and as much on the spot there -as elsewhere, he always had his men well in hand. He had been won over -by our conduct under fire. During his rare leisure moments, he would -willingly come and joke in our little group, which he dubbed "The -Bachelors' Club." The only trouble was that with him you had to drink, -drink, drink, the whole time. No drunkenness, but good hard drinking! -We refused to join him for the first few days, but he called us -molly-coddles, and almost took offence. De Valpic advised us to accept. -We took turns to treat each other, here a pint, there a glass. After -that it was a case of friendship till death, between him and us. - -But the Humel-Playoust "lot"! Ravelli might rightly be classed with -them now. I have spoken of the complete transformation which had been -effected in him. It was doubtful whether the _poilus_ ever heard the -sound of his voice. Playoust had taken possession of him, getting -hold of him through his weaknesses, flattering his Corsican vanity, -but making a laughing-stock of him, though he was too stupid to see -it. They never left each other, and were on the most familiar terms. -These days, so fertile in surprises, had completely deranged the -sergeant-major who had always been rather shaky in the upper storey. -He saw spies everywhere--in all the old women, and priests, disguises -which had as a matter of fact been made use of. Playoust spurred him -on, for the amusement of the onlookers. The game was assuming alarming -proportions. Ravelli, at Hazaumont, went to find the commanding -officer, and handed over a list of suspects to him, which had been -drawn slyly, by the other--all the parish priests in the neighbourhood! -The captain was good-natured; he merely shook the poor sergeant-major: - -"I shall keep my eye on you, my lad!" - -Later on, on the evening of "Beauclair," Ravelli only just missed -throwing the whole division into a panic by yelling "The Uhlans!" - -Trouble might have come of it. There was some question of reducing him -to the ranks. His last chance of obtaining officer's rank was lost then. - -But in spite of it he still continued to pin all his faith to Playoust. -His ears buzzed, and he was continually asking: - -"Is that firing, that we hear?" - -"Exactly." - -And the wretch pointed out some fleecy clouds in the sky. - -"Look there. Shells bursting!" - -"Good heavens! Marked again!" - -But one thing that was not so funny was that since the sergeant-major -continued to arrange the rounds of duty, Playoust made use of his -power over him to get him to bully or favour certain men. De Valpic -as has been seen was their principal victim. But directly we got wind -of the matter, Breton warned Ravelli that we had decided to report it -to the captain. The threat was sufficient, the normal time-table was -immediately reverted to. All he gained by it was that Guillaumin, who -was sickened by it, called him and his set, Brutus! and Blackguards! -and refused point-blank to have anything to do with them in future. - -Yes, that's what it came to in the end. - -The N.C.O.'s of each company stuck together and had nothing to do with -the others. In the sinister hours of that retreat! I blush to have to -report it! - -Hourcade was simply an unpleasant nincompoop. His only outstanding -feature was his greed. If he had thrown in his lot with the -Humel-Playoust set, it was because he considered that he was more -likely to pick up titbits there than anywhere else--a folly which -prevented him from tasting Gaufreteau's cooking! He stuffed into his -haversack miscellaneous provisions, most of which he had shamefully -gleaned from his men's rations. His mouth was always full. In billets, -replete, not to say crammed, he quickly fell asleep and snored. - -As for the two elementary schoolmasters, that was a simple matter: -they hated us. Not starting from to-day or yesterday, but from several -years ago, and before that--from birth. They were envious, embittered -fellows, suffering, so De Valpic considered, from their semi-educated -state. An ambiguous caste, despising the peasant and detesting the -_bourgeois_, though we had nevertheless met and appreciated some lads -belonging to the same class at the "Peloton," who were hard-working, -intelligent, and ambitious, and had taken top places at the end of -the year. But these were vulgar and envious on a level with most of -them. Their physique was poor too. Even Descroix's strength, heavy -and squat though he was, did not come near to ours; one felt that his -blood had been impoverished and his muscles weakened by a studious -youth, infrequent exercise, and poor nourishment. I considered him -really repulsive with his flattened head, his stuck-out ears, his -gaping mouth. I disliked him for all these signs of degeneration, and -above all because of his deliberate cruelty towards the "viscount," -and the brutal laugh with which he greeted Playoust's spiteful tricks. -Humel, who was small and weakly, with a thin neck and bowed shoulders, -and was always exhausted at the end of a day's march, inspired me -with more indulgence. Was he not the youngest of us since Fremont -had disappeared? Once or twice I thought I saw a look of gentleness -flit across his face, an expression which always attracts me. I had -occasionally made certain advances. In vain. A fanatical disciple of -his companions, he was not the least quick of them in administering -offensive rebuffs. - -Playoust had them all under his thumb. He was certainly smart, the -rascal! I had been finely taken in at first by his look of a Paris -street-urchin. He worked his open-handed, happy-go-lucky appearance, -which makes the type so attractive, for all it was worth. And all the -time he was as slippery and vicious as he could be. He hardly ever -risked anything more than a casual piece of insolence on us, and he was -the only one of the lot who continued to say good-day to us or to shake -our hands, while, privately, he never ceased to stir up his acolytes -against us. It must be noted too that he made game of them, cynically -letting them in for endless fatigues. I bore him all the more ill-will -for it, because, for a long time, I had thought I recognised a kindred -spirit in him. Nothing had awakened in him--a proof that there was -nothing lying dormant in him. What a hideous vision he afforded me of -what I might have been. - -Let there be no mistake about it. What annoyed us most about them all -was the sight of their flabbiness and slackness. Since Spincourt they -had chucked the whole show and were continually saying that they didn't -care a blow what happened! - -Their corporals were decent fellows and partially succeeded in making -up for their deficiencies. Their men were no worse than most. But in -spite of it their lack of authority came nigh to being disastrous -on several occasions. To begin with, it was an admitted fact that -in their platoon they might get drunk with impunity. I remember the -stink of wine and vomiting which rose from the stables where their -men were billeted. How could De Valpic's have escaped the infection? -Ravelli, who had been put up to it by the others, was always down on -him. Playoust was charmed when the soldiers and the inhabitants were -at loggerheads with each other. He tacitly encouraged the foraging and -marauding that went on. Some of his _poilus_ were mixed up in the rows -at Bethaincourt. - -Here is another occurrence which will serve to illustrate the different -attitudes of mind. One grilling afternoon when we were passing the -train of company waggons, the captain took it upon himself to give the -most exhausted men permission to put their packs in the waggons. Our -men were too proud. Their packs! They were quite capable of carrying -them themselves, thanks! In the first platoon the N.C.O.'s were the -first to unballast themselves; first, ten, then fifteen, then thirty of -the men copied them. When that waggon was full, what should these fine -gentlemen do, but set to work calmly to fill the next one that came -along, which belonged to No. 20 company. The commanding officer, when -he heard about it, came rushing up, inquired into the matter, bellowed -like a bull and cancelled the permission. Our men chuckled over the -occurrence. The others were furious: He'd better not bully them! Get -away with him. They were fed up! - -As the retirement went on the "set" kept up a stream of grumbles. The -marches were too long. Poor reservists, we were being killed! Why -did we halt so far from any well? Was it true that all the filth was -thrown into them? Why was our company always given the most disgusting -quarters? It was not surprising! Our captain didn't get on with any -one! Who had to pay? We of course! And the baksheesh? Who got the -baksheesh? As there wasn't even a ration of brandy every day. - -After "Beauclair" things got even worse. We only caught scraps of -their declamations because they put on the soft pedal when they -saw us coming, just as they did with the officers. Playoust among -others was particularly good at posing as an excellent fellow who was -never put out by anything. But out of the reach of "tell-tales" and -"busy-bodies," their evil tongues wagged busily. - -It was sickening! they declared. The commanding officers were the -outside limit! According to them our brigadier-general, an old -Colonial, drank. The colonel was the kind of man to get us all hacked -to pieces for the sake of keeping up his reputation for bravery. They -gave us to understand they were delighted to see him wounded, and -they would have been even more so if he had not been replaced by that -old "dug-out." For that matter, you only need look at the result in -order to see what our leaders were! Hopeless! If we weren't done for -we deserved to be. Marches and counter-marches, bad management. We -could hold the Bosches when we got them to grips. There was nothing to -beat a French soldier! But as for preparation. Blimey! The slackers -who had to look after that! Descroix cast up his eyes, swearing that -those responsible would be found among the old ministers and present -deputies. He foretold retaliation in the shape of lawsuits, or riots. -Why was there such a lack of heavy artillery, of machine-guns, of -searchlight apparatus, and armoured cars? Why did we see nothing of -the aeroplanes whose praises we had had drummed into our ears for years? - -We were getting near to all the senseless recriminations of 1870. But -they were not quite so serious this time, in spite of everything. They -did not accuse Poincare of having been bribed, or Joffre of being a -traitor. They did not even go so far as to say that this war was absurd -or unjust. We had to defend ourselves, after all! The most bitter -complaints were of incompetence, and of the lack of foresight. Enough -to be demoralising! - -They made tremendous fun of Ravelli and his fears, which they shared at -the bottom. Especially the spies! They passed on their superstitious -terror to their men. There could be nothing more depressing for them -than to feel they were surrounded by a vague throng of enemies. It -was like asking for hysterics. I remember how on the morning we were -guarding part of the Meuse, a group of refugees from Montmedy came up, -a family of five, including two children who implored us to help them -across. They were fortunate in finding us. We showed them a ford and -had them taken to the C.O. A little farther up the poor wretches had -come across some men out of Playoust's platoon, who had insulted them -and threatened to shoot them. - -And then there were the false reports, the pseudo-news, invented or -rumoured, but always bad: Italy entering the lists against us, or -England's dilatoriness. We should have to pay damages! Or else, one way -of getting out of it would be to leave our friends, the Russians, in -the lurch. Not a thing to boast about, perhaps! But it would cut short -this war, and they were fed up with it! - -I am not exaggerating. They descended to these depths of ignominy. They -were more at ease with De Valpic who slept with them, and he reported -similar conversations. It did not do to attach too much importance to -it. There was probably a good deal of "side" about it. They were so -jealous of us. Or perhaps they thought it fine to pose, on their side, -as people who were not to be humbugged, or again it might be simply the -inconsequence of men who did not quite realise the situation, or the -meaning of their words. Each of them egged the others on. - -And to think--De Valpic inclined to the idea--that they were without -doubt excellent Frenchmen, who, when it came to getting killed, would -do the thing in style! - -In any case nothing exasperated Guillaumin like their attitude. He -announced his intention of going to the C.O. to get him to put an end -to the scandal, at least twenty times. We restrained him, being opposed -to all tale-telling. We endeavoured to prove to him that their wild -talk had no effect. Playoust had had the reputation of being a wag ever -since the beginning. None of the men would take his nonsense seriously. - -Guillaumin did not give in: - -"You'll see!" he said. "You don't realise that all that eats away and -undermines.... It is bound to show itself in time!" - -It was true enough! What a difference there was in the morale of the -two platoons. - -In ours, for instance, nobody ever reported sick unless he was -suffering tortures. They made it a point of personal pride. In theirs, -on the contrary! One morning, Guillaumin, who was sergeant of the day, -had put down eight men for medical parade. A mere trifle! He calmly -undertook to cure them all by suggestion. His chief argument was that -they would have to foot it for about five and a half miles, to reach -the Medical Officer. Five of the men had their names scratched; the -rest stuck to it. It happened to be one of Bouchut's bad days and he -sent them all off with a flea in their ear. - -And when we stormed Beauclair, what a tragic exhibition they gave of -themselves. When we left the wood in extended order, ready to charge, -we looked round for No. 1 platoon, which was to support us on our -right. Not a sign of it to be seen. It made a cruel impression on -us just as we were starting off with fixed bayonets. At last we saw -Lieutenant Delafosse come out leading a handful of men, among them De -Valpic and his half-section. Behind, a long way behind, was Humel. We -charged and saw no more of them. In the uproar which followed upon the -occupation of the village, the incident passed more or less unnoticed. -But we learnt that the C.O. had rated Delafosse for it roundly. The -latter, throwing off his reserve, frankly laid the blame on some of his -N.C.O.'s who lacked go.... That was putting the case very mildly! De -Valpic assured me that he had heard Descroix putting the drag on his -men's eagerness. "Don't hurry lads! The first lot will be napoohed!" - -Here again no penalties were inflicted; they would have been too -terrible. The well-known sentence for every weakness in military law -is: _DEATH_. - -This leniency was perhaps to be blamed. Who can say what an ill-omened -influence our comrades exercised during the days that followed? It -was the most gloomy period of all. We abandoned first-rate positions -without fighting. It was impossible to rely on any favourable -information, however slight. Rumours circulated, and were added to, -concerning our reverse in the North. The replenishment of munitions -which had up till then been well-organised was failing. We were, as I -have said, repeatedly in danger of being cut off, or of getting under -fire from the pursuing batteries. Villages blazed behind us, or even -on our flank--a palpable danger for our retreat. The ditches too were -filled with soldiers, belonging chiefly to the regulars. Who could -blame them for it? Boys of twenty, worn out by four weeks' overdriving, -sleeping there, by the roadsides, for days and nights on end. - -It was a bad example though. The temptation to copy them was so great. -There were no more mounted police on the heels of the stragglers. Even -they were fighting, so we were told. - -That was how our numbers dwindled. We had realised the danger, and our -efforts were combined in preventing any men from staying behind. We -kept on urging them: "Come along now! Only a few miles more. You surely -don't want to fall into the hands of the Huns!" And we laid to their -charge abominable atrocities surpassed by reality. - -At last we reached our goal. We lost only five men out of the platoon -during that week, two of whom were ill, and two wounded. What leakage -there was in No. 1 company! We got the exact figures from the -quartermaster-sergeant, who had to draw up the numerical returns each -evening. Breton stormed, excellent fellow that he was! - -"Hang it all! _Poilus_ are too precious to lose!" - -One evening in Descroix's platoon only twenty-nine men were left, out -of thirty-five the day before, and Breton cynically sneered: "Six more -done a bunk!" - - - - -CHAPTER VI - -THE POILUS - - -Yes, Guillaumin had been quite right! Ever since we had rejoined at -F---- his one care had been the morale of the men! On that, indeed, -depended the fate of the country, united with that of the present -campaign. And this morale, in its turn, depended partly on us, in view -of our responsibility. - -A task which was quite new to me. I have said how, at our departure, -I could not conceive myself taking an interest in these dolts. Yes! -But had I not felt them quiver as they marched at my side through the -horror of the fire? The praise surprised on their lips that evening had -made my heart beat--reciprocal esteem--and I had dreamt of something -more. - -During the long parches I took steps to get into touch with them, to -overcome their shyness, the remains of their distrust. I was not afraid -of showing a few of them what was in my heart. One of these was Icard, -the miller, a steady, quiet fellow, whose good sense had struck me on -several occasions. Under the present circumstances, the footing we were -usually on, I said, was not enough. Complete harmony of mind and heart -between us all seemed to me necessary for our common safety. - -"We're fond enough of you, already, sergeant!" - -I smiled. - -"Fonder than you were at the beginning?" - -"Yes, then we weren't exactly struck on you." - -I think he was speaking at his comrades. Their instinct must have made -them realise my friendly intentions. They quickly became more familiar -and expansive. The last barrier had fallen. - -I again appreciated Guillaumin's perspicuity. According to him these -people dreaded betraying whatever tenderness and delicacy was aroused -in them, by putting it into words. They were shy of talking about -themselves, and expanded more willingly on a thousand and one abstract -subjects. I had resigned myself to listening to an endless flow of -words and pointless tales. They were flattered by my attention, and I -was surprised to find them ten times less childish and narrow in their -talk than many drawing-room conversationalists. It was the taste, -innate in the French, for discussion and reasoning. Penetration and -logic are ordinary qualities in them. Icard laid before me his views -on the questions which impassioned him: agricultural economy, modern -implements, the introduction of new crops, the causes and consequences -of the population of the country districts, the remedies to be applied -to it--all problems of vital importance to the nation. I who claimed to -be so eclectic had to blush for myself because I had never considered -them. - -With him, and with some of the others, I took a delight in broaching -the subject of socialistic doctrines. We were at one in our premises. -Starting from that point I used to get them to talk, curious to see how -much electioneering patter they had retained. More than mere words, -in any case! Some of them were imbued with the party point of view. -Each of them, for that matter, followed wherever his temperament led -him. Prunelle, the jeweller, favoured the view that the state should -interfere as little as possible with individual enterprise. Icard, for -his part, was a staunch advocate of a sort of dominant collectivism: -of the most perfect organisation of society, down to the very smallest -details, by its chosen representatives. He said to me: - -"Look at the Bosches. They have it in a sense. That's what constitutes -their strength. It's sad to think the poor brutes have to work for the -King of Prussia!" - -I tried, too, to probe their inmost convictions. Were they really keen -about this struggle which would determine the future of their race? - -It did not take long to convince me of it. Their patriotism was not an -abstract quality: it was more than that--a tradition, almost a physical -need. A free France was just as vital to them as eating or breathing. -I had the opportunity of admiring the moral unity accomplished by the -work of centuries of history. The Prussians had done these Beaucerons -a personal injury in violating the distant Eastern frontier. No peace -for them before these brigands had been sent back to where they came -from! The question of Alsace-Lorraine affected them in a lesser degree. -It was a long way off--almost an accomplished fact! But nevertheless it -must be won back, if only as a matter of personal pride, for "swank"! - -Their memory of the other war had not been at all obliterated, as -I should have expected it to be. Most of them had heard from their -parents what vexations and devastations their province had had to -endure in those bygone days. They had before their eyes the ravages of -the present war. Hang it all! If only the Bosches did not advance too -far! We mustn't be beaten again. - -And then as Corporal Bouguet very neatly expressed it, considering -how long we had been pestered by having to put in two or three years' -military service, we should be dolts not to give them a good thrashing -once and for all, for the sake of gaining a quiet life! - -Their spirit in fact was marvellous. It must not be forgotten that we -were still retreating! There was never a sign of real discouragement. -It was sometimes upsetting, certainly, to leave superb positions -without firing a single shot. But if it must be! If, as was still -rumoured, it was for tactical reasons to lead the enemy into a trap! -The fantastic exploits attributed to the artillery still continued -to fire our imagination. Once or twice we met convoys of prisoners. -Halloa! Things must be on the mend! And then, why attempt to give any -explanation? Things went well, because they went well. Even in the -first platoon there was never any serious trouble, the bad seed did -not bear. There was nothing worse than a little slackness, rather less -energy. - -There was plenty of marching. Yes, but nothing dismal about it most of -the time, especially when we thought we were getting near to the enemy -when there would be a volley of witticisms: - -"Halloa! Trichet!" Guillaumin exclaimed. "I suppose you think -Prunelle's sight too good, and that's why you're sticking your gun into -his eye?" - -They laughed; the jeweller was short-sighted and wore glasses. - -The men were generally allowed to sing. When I saw they were beginning -to flag, I shouted: - -"Strike up, Bouguet! Let's have one of your songs." - -"Which shall it be, Sergeant?" - -The corporal who was the songster of the platoon turned to me gaily. We -were on excellent terms now. - -Voices were raised demanding: - -"_The Ace of Diamonds!_" - -"_The Miller's Wife!_" - -The corporal struck up. - - "Miller, miller, she betrays you!..." - -They exploded, nudging each other, and nodding in Icard's direction who -was the first to appreciate the joke. - -Or else it was the _Crocodiles_, doggerel brought into fashion by -Lamalou, and which they never tired of: - - A crocodile--on going off to war - Said "Good-bye, Kids"--but not for evermore. - His great tail--looking very elegant - He started off--to fight the elephant!... - -Then the refrain! - -Everyone joined in the chorus. - - Oh the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-cro-cro-, the cro-co-di-iles, - All along the Nile! They have vanished, we'll say no more! - -Childish songs, with a good swing to them. Fatigue was forgotten. Mile -followed mile in the heat and dust. A refrain of that kind swept right -along the column. While we drew breath, snatches of couplets reached us -from the distance. - -"Like nothin' on earth, those caterwaulers!" Judsi exclaimed. - -Oh, that Judsi! What a type he was! The incarnation, the flower of -the race. In each platoon of France's army, from end to end of the -campaign, I bet there was a Judsi. A street-urchin, from Paris or -elsewhere.... An apache yesterday, perhaps--it was quite possible--but -ennobled to-day by circumstances! - -He was an admirable source of good-humour. Made to cheer up the others. -He chatted without ceasing for hours and hours at a time, accumulating -eccentricities of mimicry and expression. Nothing pleased him so much -as to see that we were listening. That was the time when we played up -hardest. I swear that by the unexpectedness of his sallies and the -inflections of his hoarse voice, he often attained a pitch of drollery -which was quite priceless. His slightest absurdities gave rise to fits -of hilarious gaiety. The men pressed round him, as if on parade. It -even interfered with the marching order. What should he do but organise -relays! Every quarter of an hour, he said to his neighbours: - -"'Ook it lads! Send some other pals along now, an' we'll see if I can't -raise a smile out of 'em." - -They gave up their places without any sour looks. - -"Ain't 'e a caution!" - -"Fit to make yer split, the blighter!" - -He was never in better form than when we were in the tightest places, -when all the others were down in the dumps. On the "Beauclair" evening, -when we had to retire, he was worth seeing as he went off shouldering -his rifle, with a Uhlan's helmet, picked up in some house, in his hand, -and the air of a gentleman who had just put an end to the war in the -most brilliant style, and was on his way home where his little wife was -waiting to welcome him with open arms! Or again on the next day.... A -hail of shells, which was beginning, had just set fire to a little bit -of a house. He asked the cook's permission to make the coffee, carried -off the camp kettle, collected some brands from the beams, and boiled -the water on them at the window. The shower of the "Black Marias" -continued. It was a miracle that he was not killed. But his luck, our -luck, held. - -What endless queer characters there were! Lamalou, Bouguet, Gaudereaux. -We've seen them all at work--one might go on naming them indefinitely. -And Bouillon! - -He had come one morning to ask my advice as to how to send money orders. - -I had taken it as a joke: - -"Send them, my dear fellow? This is more the sort of time to receive -them!" - -"It's for Marie," he said, "who's stayed behind with the kid!" - -"Your kid?" - -"I don't know about that!" - -He explained that he had lived with a girl, a rag-gatherer like -himself. They had struck up acquaintance when plying their hooks, and -made love across the dust-bins--and they had come to an understanding. -So far, so good. But then at the end of eight months--eight months -exactly, that was the annoying part!--Marie had gone to Boucicaut for -the birth of her child, a little duck, as pretty as could be! The point -was not so much to find out who its father was, as to rear the little -brat! It used to be quite a paying job--but then the great Trafalgar -had come, and Blimey! ever since then there hadn't been none too much -to be scratched up out o' them dust-bins--so he thought that as he had -a bit o' cash he'd better send some to Marie, if it weren't more'n ten -francs. - -I realised that he must be economising out of the little tips he -got from me. I was much touched by his story, and promised to make -inquiries. - -The matter would depend on the baggage-master. He did not put in an -appearance just then. Bouillon asked me about the matter again. I -mentioned it casually to Henriot who sent me to the captain. He greeted -me affably, and I laid the matter before him. He called me back. He had -learnt, he said, of my brother's death, and he expressed his sympathy -for me. He added that he had watched me at work. "I'm glad to see -you've been making yourself useful." - -As for the money order, he undertook to see that it got to its -destination, solemnly took the girl's address, and handed me a receipt. - -When he got it, Bouillon turned it over and over, and asked me what it -meant. - -The little sum had been doubled by me and doubled again by the captain. - -His tanned face contracted; and tears glistened in the corners of his -big eyes. He stammered in his effort to thank me. - -"Oh! R-r-rooky!" - -I gave him a smack on the shoulder, and told him--and how sincerely I -meant it--that we owed him a hundred times more! - - - - -CHAPTER VII - -SOCIALISM - - -Useful! I was making myself useful! The captain's words rang in my ears. - -I remembered how I had wondered quite lately what use my life was, -and who in the world would have suffered by it, or missed me if I had -disappeared. Instead of which I filled a place well, to-day. My death -would have been a loss. I certainly exaggerated the importance of my -role, but the satisfaction each evening of having kept intact or added -to the strength which was given to me, was so sweet to me. - -It did me more credit, perhaps, than some of the others. I had always -professed not only a lack of curiosity about all manual labour, but a -disgust of it. It was the stupidity of a young intellectual inclined to -consider everything which did not show off the superior play of thought -as a vulgar task. Who would dream how far I carried this detachment? -The farthest I ever got, towards the end of my term of service, was to -do up the buckles of my pack,--Guillaumin always had to help me. I had -begun to realise during the last few days what grandeur may lie in the -fulfilment of humble duties. A leader of men, especially in the modest -sphere in which I gravitated owing to my lowly rank, has no right to -shirk any subjection. He does not get into touch with his subordinates, -or inspire them with complete esteem and confidence, unless he -succeeds in proving to them that even in the field of everyday tasks, -he is cleverer, better informed, and more expert than they are. The -complete man calmly considers all the difficulties which may arise, -from the most trivial to the most serious, and being unworthy of none -of them, considers none of them unworthy of him. - -So I no longer avoided, but rather sought, occasions to expend myself. -I followed Guillaumin's example, and drew on all I had read and -remembered. To speak the truth, when I tried, inexperienced as I was, -to put my ideas into practice, my advice was not very much to the point. - -Bouillon doubled up with laughter when I told him to damp the case -of his water-bottle, or again when we got to our quarters that rainy -evening and I advised him to stuff his boots with dry straw. - -"Go an' teach yer grandfather! Just take a look at yours, an' see if I -'aven't done it!" - -The last of my _poilus_ could have put me right on endless questions of -a practical nature. Quite so! But I could be useful to them in other -ways. Once when arms were being cleaned, Gaudereaux had seen fit to -take his repeating apparatus to pieces, and came to grief over putting -it together again. He called me to his aid. It was a difficult problem. -Guillaumin certainly offered me his help, but I refused it, anxious to -find out how to do it myself. It took me a long time, but I succeeded -at last, which was satisfactory. - -There was a large field open to me. I had retained the knowledge I -had acquired as an instructor of recruits. It was not a question of -worrying the men with theories, but they willingly collected to have -friendly chats, and ended by enjoying the seances, where one evening, -after having explained the principles of orientation to them, I taught -them how to recognise the Great Bear and the Polar Star. On other days -we went into other matters: to do with the advance under fire, of the -artillery and infantry (we knew all about that!), of the supply of -ammunition and the commissariat; or of subjects vaster still--Germany's -ambitions, and the causes of the present war. When we were marching we -organised competitions in judging distances. We picked out a tree or a -house, and then each one had to calculate how many steps he expected -to take, and count them afterwards to see how far out he was. Lamalou -proved to be extraordinarily gifted in this respect. He was never more -than twenty yards out. We would find a way of making use of that. - -After a few tentative ventures, I found my bent. I had always been -interested in medicine. A handbook on hygiene, which De Valpic lent me, -completed my sketchy equipment. The next thing to be done was to put -it into practice. The soldiers suffered chiefly, as usual, from sore -feet--a crop of blisters and sores. I preached cleanliness first, and -methodical greasing. But the sore places, some of which were septic, -must be cured. Most of the men seemed entirely ignorant of how to treat -a blister. Guillaumin and I arranged a demonstration one evening with -great success. Once having won their confidence, we treated them for -various little ills--diluted tincture of iodine did wonders. - -One great danger was the water, which caused a great deal of diarrhoea. -It was not always possible to boil the contents of our water-bottles. -I had some permanganate of potash; a few crystals placed in the -water-buckets assured a relative sterilisation. Our platoon made it a -point of honour to have as few men as possible at sick parade. We only -had two in a week. Trichet, who sprained his ankle, wept with rage at -leaving us. - -My little cures were appreciated. Men came to ask my advice now, even -from No. 1 platoon. I had some idea of massage and set up a surgery. -The men appealed to me in doubtful cases. One evening, I remember, the -party sent on ahead to choose the camp had picked some mushrooms on the -way. Breton insisted on their waiting for me. I really was not very -well up in the matter. However, I did not quite like the look of the -valvular formation at the base, and ordered them to throw them away. -They obeyed without protesting. I learnt shortly afterwards from De -Valpic, that it had saved a good many lives. - -How much joy I got out of my disinterested efforts! Not only that of -useful labour accomplished. The incessant contact, our conversations, -the services rendered mutually, made me fonder of each of my companions -every day. I was getting into touch with the people again. I no longer -considered, as I used to, that it would satisfy me to live in the bosom -of a restricted caste of beings brought up in the same way as I had -been. I suddenly once more became aware of the ascendency of certain -doctrines. - -Social morality had always seemed to be a poor morality for those on -the right side of the barrier, as I was. Now I realised my mistake. -There should be neither oppressors nor oppressed, neither dominators -nor dominated,--alliance and not confusion of the different social -classes. "Each for all and all for each," as the old saying is. Were we -not all co-operating with the same heart in the same work? If between -these soldiers and me there was a dissimilarity in education and -disposition, if I, at their head, was exempt from the most thankless -fatigues, did that prevent reciprocal collaboration and esteem, or stop -any one being satisfied with their fate? No, no. Prunelle agreed; the -chief thing was that each class should know the other, then it would -not be long before they appreciated each other, and recognised each -other as brothers, and not such very different brothers either! - -This idea, in particular, clung to me. Disparities due to education -and upbringing, to the style of life, are, to a certain extent, -exterior. How little they count for in comparison with the tongue, -the customs, and disposition which are shared in common by the sons -of one nation and which draw them together. Between the people and -the aristocracy the difference is simply that which exists between -youth and ripe middle age. The people are like a young and lusty lad, -who only asks to be allowed to grow! What were the common sense of an -Icard, the animation of a Judsi, the self-denial of a Bouillon, if not -the deep-rooted qualities of our soil and race? There is enjoyment in -breathing them, when one also exhales them! - - - - -CHAPTER VIII - -A TEMPTATION - - -How tired we were that evening. Really absolutely done. We had been -marching for twenty-four hours, almost without a halt. We were -wandering in the middle of Argonne in that part of the Chalade, and the -Four de Paris which were to be mentioned so often in the _communiques_ -later on. The worst of it was that we had nothing to eat, except the -remains of some bread crumbling at the bottom of our haversacks. -We regretted having wasted the biscuits with which we had been so -liberally provided two days before. - -There was a prolonged halt in the forest. At one time we caught sight -of two motor-buses which cut across, following a transverse roadway. -Our rations? We took it for granted and rejoined accordingly. But -perhaps the conductors had not seen us. Several minutes went by. The -commanding officer blew his whistle, and off we had to go again! -Another march on an empty stomach! - -A blast of recriminations blew from No. 1 platoon. They could put up -with being knocked on the head, but at least give them something to -eat. They were being cut down every day now. Yesterday there was no -meat! Without rot, there was nothing more to be done but to "get down" -to it. A snooze is as good as a meal. It would only mean that a few -would be taken. - -They went on all the same. There was not a murmur among our men. Judsi -still tried to cheer up his companions, but they weren't in the mood -for it. Bouguet struck up with a song, but they joined in the refrain -only once. He couldn't sing on an empty stomach either. And the rain -began, heavy rain which soaked us through to the skin in a very few -minutes. - -"Rotten luck!" Gaudereaux jerked out. - -We went on without a halt, through the downpour, against the wind. -We were on a by-road which soon got spoilt and broken. We slithered -through the slush. Gusts of wind beat against us, water was dripping -down our backs, freezing the sweat on our skins. That lasted for -another two hours. A dozen miles or so without a pause. No one -protested, each step must be bringing us nearer to shelter. There was -only one question we asked ourselves, in an agony of mind: Should we -get anything to eat? - -At last they stopped us, two companies of us, in front of a farm. The -rest of the battalion went on. The buildings already sheltered some -gunners--four batteries of them. I remember their greeting which was -anything but cordial. Oh, we were the last straw! As if they weren't -packed like sardines already! Dirty foot-sloggers too! (I have already -mentioned the antagonism between the different troops which was -exasperated at such times.) - -Our quartermasters quarrelled. But the first comers blocked up the -coach-houses, their officers backed them up, the commanding officer had -quite rightly reserved the only bed for himself. We stood in the yard -for a long time, haggard and numb with cold. We were finally penned in -the stables--piggeries, in an indescribable state of filth, and reeking -pestilentially. Someone went to get straw--a handful per man! We could -have put up with everything if only we could have got a bite. But it -was getting dark, and in this weather all hopes of the ration train -hunting us out were dwindling. The gunners had hastened to lay hands -on anything that the farm would produce in the way of eatables, bread, -milk, eggs, a real raid. They finished swallowing these provisions -under our very noses. - -I can see us in that filthy stable. De Valpic had just lain down -alongside the wall. He was worn out, and wanted to sleep, but the fits -of coughing which shook him made him reopen his eyes. He was shivering. -We all had faces mottled by exhaustion and starvation. Lamalou suddenly -got up with an oath: - -"Oh d----!" - -There was a crack in the roof, from which drops were falling. A stream -of water was soon trickling down. - -Guillaumin came back. He had been to have a look at No. 1 platoon. -There was schism in the Playoust "set." Hourcade and Descroix, it -seemed, were still in possession of some "ruti" and a cheese. Descroix -resigned himself to sharing it and favoured Playoust, but Hourcade -turned a deaf ear. Little Humel would get nothing out of him--or the -sergeant-major either. They neither of them demanded it, though they -were both deadly white and worn out. - -Guillaumin winked: - -"If only we could find some way! I say, are you frightfully done up, to -begin with?" - -"Fit as a fiddle, I don't think! Why?" - -"Look here." - -He confided in me that he had interviewed the farmer's wife. There was -not a village anywhere near, the nearest was nine miles away, and had -been crammed with troops for the last week. - -"Well?" - -"But there was another farm much nearer, a rich one, quite hidden in -the woods. Suppose we went to see?" - -I raised some objections, for form's sake, but the adventure attracted -me. A word to Bouillon. He at once wanted to join us. We told no one -else; permission and success were equally uncertain. So we started off. -It was getting dark. What a road it was! The mud was eighteen inches -thick in places. Torrents of rain still, and the gloom was deepening. -To begin with we forced ourselves to look where we were putting our -feet, but we gave it up as a bad job. Squidge, splosh! We stoically -followed in Guillaumin's tracks. We sank in half-way up to our knees, -and came near to losing our balance or getting stuck. - -When we had walked for three quarters of an hour, Guillaumin began to -get worried. Half a mile the woman had told him. - -We were lost? We thought of retracing our steps when he bumped against -a gate in the dark. - -"Ow! As if my nose wasn't thick enough without that!" - -We began to make out the outlines of an obstruction. But everything -seemed to be shut up. No light. We went to knock at the door. Not a -sound. We knocked louder. - -"Done!" I said. - -"We'll soon see!" - -Guillaumin raised his voice: - -"Two petards of melinite to blow up your house!" - -A few seconds passed. Then a window squeaked. - -"Who's there?" - -"France." - -"What do you mean? France." - -"France, that's quite enough." - -"Wot d'you want?" - -"Someone to open the door to us." - -"We 'aven't got nothing." - -"That's a fine story!" - -"An wot abaht the Proosians?" - -"Will you let us in, confound you!" - -The man appeared to be frightened, and muttered: "'Arf a mo' till I -gits into me breeches." - -He came and undid the bolts.... A bent old peasant, carrying a candle -in his hand. - -"'Ello, on'y three of you! Might 'a bin fifty by the shindy you kicked -up!" - -He seemed to me to regret having given in so easily. We went into a low -room. - -"Well now," said Guillaumin, "What can you give us to eat?" - -The old peasant looked us up and down. I could read in his face the -mistrust and avarice of bad breeds. - -"'Aven't I told you there's nothin'?" - -Guillaumin shrugged his shoulders. - -"What do you live on? Air?" - -We certainly looked like marauders. I interfered to reassure the man. - -"We'll pay you all right!" - -Guillaumin whispered: - -"Don't know so much about that." - -I had my own idea. I opened my purse to show the silver and gold in it. - -The old fellow considered me. He looked from my hands to my eyes where -he tried to read my intentions. - -"For you three?" - -"For us, to begin with." - -"Hm! Would an omelette do you?" - -"With some ham?" - -He would see. - -We sat down at the table. The man went to call at an inside door. - -"Louise!" - -A young country girl appeared, with a hypo-critical expression and -heavy features. She lacked real grace, but was built on a generous -scale, her waist well-marked, and her bosom firm beneath the dress -which she had popped on hurriedly. - -"My eye!" murmured Bouillon. - -The old man said a few words in patois and the girl knelt down in front -of the grate and began to work a bellows. It was not long before some -flames sprang from the dying embers. In a hand's turn she had laid the -table for us. Five minutes later a frothy golden omelette was dished up -for us. - -We had never been so ravenous. We simply guzzled. We had taken off our -great coats, which were stiff with rain. When his first pangs were -assuaged, Guillaumin began to cheer up. - -"A pretty good idea of mine, what?" - -With a glance at the girl I made some joke under my breath, about the -servant girl being, perhaps, the old man's mistress. - -Bouillon was eating too gluttonously to take a part in the -conversation, but he laughed continually for no reason at all, pouring -down bumpers of some rather poor wine which the old man had brought -us with many sour looks. His face was turning purple, his dog's eyes -glistened. How I loved him, taking his share of our animal contentment. - -The peasant seated at the end of the room had lit a pipe and was -watching us out of the corner of his eye. - -"It's stupid to pay!" repeated Guillaumin. "Let's give him an I O U." - -His funds must have been coming to an end. - -"Don't worry! This is my show!" I said. - -In order to avoid any trouble, I had made up my mind to pay whatever -the old fellow claimed. - -Guillaumin ventured to suggest: - -"I say we ought to take something back to De Valpic." - -"And to our _poilus_!" - -I called the old man, who got up slowly and came to us looking rather -anxious but crafty too. - -"And now what about something for our pals?" - -"They ain't comin', are they?" - -"That depends." - -"Wot does it depend on?" - -"Upon what you give us for them." - -This seemed to upset him. He sniffed and stopped talking. - -"When I say give," I corrected myself, "I mean sell." - -"'Ow many of 'em is there?" - -"About forty." - -The peasant threw up his arms like a clockwork figure. - -"Forty. Jokin', ain't you? Now if it 'ad a' bin five or six, p'raps we -might 'a managed some'ow!" - -Guillaumin rapped on the table, and assumed a threatening air, which -was rendered even more grotesque and terrifying by his great nose. - -"You'd better take care we don't bring them along! I've an idea they'd -manage to find something!" - -The old man's face hardened. I again intervened. - -"I tell you we'll pay. Now tell me the price of a chicken." - -"Ain't got none!" - -"What, not in your cellar?" - -"Ain't got none." - -"Will you take ten francs apiece?" - -"Ten francs?" - -He rubbed his hands. - -"That's talkin',' that is!" - -Guillaumin exclaimed: - -"Five francs, not a halfpenny more. It's pure robbery!" - -I continued: - -"I should want several!" - -"How many?" - -I looked at the others interrogatively. - -"Eight or ten--a dozen if you've got them!" - -"A dozen chickens at ten francs? That's a hundred and twenty francs?" - -"Yes." - -"I'll just have a look, but I won't promise nothing!" he said as he -went off. - -When he had gone out, without bothering about the girl who was leaning -against the chimney-piece, and watching us slyly, Guillaumin slated -me. Ten francs apiece. He never heard of such a thing. Was I crazy? A -hundred and twenty francs! No. It couldn't be allowed. I should want -the cash some day or other. I didn't realise.... The old chap was -sickening. It would serve him right if we cleared him out of everything -and left him an order payable at the end of the war. So that was -settled? What? - -But I shook my head, and stuck to it. I had spent a relatively -infinitesimal sum up till now. The chance was too tempting! - -The peasant reappeared. He brought the poultry back with him, tied -by their legs. They were squalling hard and were certainly very fine -birds. His forehead was wrinkled; he must be afraid we might give him -the slip and be off with the booty. His face cleared when I laid the -purse on the table. But when I pulled a hundred-franc note out of my -pocket, the old fellow waved it aside, and pointed to the purse. - -"None o' that now! You've got that amount in solid gold!" - -"Take this note?" I retorted. - -"Give me gold, gold!" - -"Why on earth should I?" - -I had not foreseen this pretext for cavilling when I had flattered -myself on avoiding a scene. I refused to give in. The old chap kicked -against the pricks. Paper-money? Wot good was that to any one nowadays, -you wouldn't get a hunk of bread for it! - -He obviously distrusted me. I was on the point of losing my temper. -Guillaumin angrily dubbed the old man a robber and a blooming Bosche. -The latter got annoyed and made as if to take back his poultry. -Bouillon kept his eyes fixed on me, and was only waiting for a sign to -hurl himself upon the old man. - -For a fantastical instant I was tempted to let him have his way. I was -enraged, and disgusted. More than that, I was suddenly seized with a -longing to loot. It would be a wonderful opportunity. What risk should -we run? None at all. It would simply be one more picturesque scene to -add to our store of memories. - -At that moment, the servant girl happened to cross the bottom of the -room. Her dress fell into lines which suggested the rounded form -beneath. Bouillon was looking at her too, and Guillaumin also. His big -red nose was quivering. The blood rushed to my head, and desire took -possession of me. We all three exchanged a look of feverish bestiality. -Plunder the old man, violate the girl. Nothing could be easier--some -strange madness urged us on--the beast in us was raising its head. - -A vision of Jeannine passed through my mind, but it held no power to -restrain me, for was it not purely a physical impulse? It did not count -in my eyes. No one would ever know anything about it, I repeated to -myself. Why not indulge this whim? It was a sinister moment. We had -each taken a step towards the girl, whose face contracted. - - - - -CHAPTER IX - -AT PEACE WITH MYSELF - - -And then, after all, something stopped me, something I had never -experienced before. Was it prejudice? Or moral restraint? I had no time -to examine my feelings. Was it self-respect? Yes, that, without doubt. -No one would ever know anything about it, but I should know about it -myself! - -"Make up your mind!" I said to the man. - -Had he an inkling of the danger he had been in? In any case he -acquiesced without a word, and took the note, to which I added a louis. - -I commandeered the rest of the bread, and three dozen eggs, which the -girl was to boil till they were hard. She bustled about, but it took -some time. - -I paid for everything at three times its value, without turning a hair. -The old man got a second louis, and to show his satisfaction, threw in -a packet of salt! - -I will not dwell upon our return journey. Bouillon had hung a cord -round his neck with the poultry dangling at each end of it, in two -bunches. They struggled and made a deafening din and twice over almost -tripped him up. He gravely warned them: - -"If you do that a third time, I shall lose my temper!" - -Thirty yards farther on, he stopped. - -"Got a pin?" - -I handed him one without understanding why he wanted it. - -He turned away. I became aware of a wild flapping, and then a faint -rattle. "Next please!" - -"I'll learn 'em not to be so bloomin' fond o' flies!" - -He pricked them behind the head, one after the other, sighing. - -"If only they was some o' them Bosches!" - - * * * * * - -When he entered the stable in front of us half an hour later, with the -chaplet of chickens round his neck, the men were stupefied. Then an -uproar arose. - -"Oh! the cannibal!" cried Judsi. - -"Good biz; grub at last!" - -The men who were asleep had to be shaken and roused up. Their faces -broke into broad smiles, their eyes lit up. Things went very quickly -when once they were all up. Some of them had already been told off to -pluck, to light fires, and do the roasting. Everyone hurried into the -yard. Guillaumin and I slipped down beside De Valpic and told him all -about our pranks. Guillaumin gaily gave him an account of the longing -which had seized us, to despoil the old man, and violate the girl. It -was a tremendous joy to have a conscience clear enough to be able to -joke about it. De Valpic smiled in response. One felt how his whole -being was yearning for the nourishment of which he had been deprived -for nearly forty-eight hours. - -We went to supervise the cooking. In the twinkling of an eye the men -had built up piles of branches, and succeeded in lighting them, though -the yard was soaking. The chickens had been plucked and dressed and -were roasting fast, threaded on to bayonets which willing volunteers -were turning conscientiously under Gaufreteau's direction. By his -orders, too, bowls were put under them to catch the fat dripping from -them. In half an hour's time, he pronounced the birds cooked to a turn. -We presided over the division. Nothing was to go out of the platoon! - -The battalion sergeant-major came and hung about. - -"Halloa. Some looting been going on!" - -"No," said Bouillon, "the sergeant paid, and a good price too." - -Ravelli stood in the mud near by, and sniffed the good smell. But a -remnant of dignity forbade him to beg. We ended by taking pity on him, -and offering him a fine fleshy bone, which he set to work to gnaw like -a dog. - -I was tormented for quite a long time--poor wretches that we are--by -the paltry fear that the men might not realise to the full to whom they -owed the windfall. They had quite cheered up, and I saw them grouped -round the fires which still flickered, and lit up their delighted -faces, chewing the remains of their bones and munching their eggs. -Perhaps they imagined that the company's mess-balance had paid for the -feast. In any case their gratitude to my companions was just as great -as it was to me. I should have liked to monopolise it! - -Then I shook off this paltry thought. What was all this about -benefactors and debtors. A lot there was to be proud about, in having -paid, when I had the money to pay with. One felt that the good fellows -would every one of them be capable of a similar action, rather than -surprised at it! - -Candour, simplicity of soul. Another effort. I was pulling myself up to -it. - -Guillaumin and I had reserved one whole chicken for ourselves. We took -the best half of it to De Valpic. Alas! his appetite failed after the -first mouthfuls, and he had great difficulty in getting through it. - -We had decided to offer the captain a wing. Guillaumin, who had -undertaken to be the ambassador, soon came back. Ribet had refused -it--oh, as nicely as possible assuring Guillaumin that he needed -nothing. If we had a portion over, let it be for one of his men, who -had their packs to carry! - -Henriot must have got wind of this reply, for his was identical. The -third one, Delafosse, we knew nothing about him; nobody thought about -him. But Breton, when he was invited, did not turn up his nose at it, -and came to revive himself by us. He congratulated us: - -"These bachelors knew how to look after themselves--and no mistake!" - -And what about the Playoust set. De Valpic having timidly suggested -that we might--Guillaumin exploded: - -"Never! Low-down cads like that! Why they'd let us starve without -turning a hair." - -I backed him up, and De Valpic said no more. - -We three each put part of the remains on one side. It was rather -shocking, I admitted to myself, to be thinking of our future hunger, -when comrades at hand were suffering the pangs of present hunger. - -But after all! I had done enough for others to last me for one day! - - * * * * * - -I had gone out into the yard again. It was almost deserted now, but -I came across Humel. He pretended not to see me. His cap, which was -cocked over one ear, gave him a cheeky look, but I caught sight of -his haggard face and sunken cheeks by the light of one of the bonfires -which was still smouldering. I turned round: - -"I say, Humel!" - -He stopped, and aggressively snapped: - -"Well? What do you want?" - -"You've had nothing, have you?" - -"Had nothing ... what do you mean?" - -"To get your teeth into!" - -He hesitated: - -"A lot you care!" - -I went up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder: - -"Like a bit of chicken?" - -He made a movement as if to free himself, and then thought better of -it, and said more gently: - -"Have you got some left?" - -"Yes, and a hard-boiled egg. Wait a bit!" - -I went back into the piggery, and very stealthily--I did not want -Guillaumin to see me--took out my mess-tin, which contained my -provisions for the next day, then I rejoined Humel. - -"Here you are." - -We went and sat down in the shade on the curb of the well. - -"You can use my mess-tin." - -The poor boy began to eat hurriedly, and in silence. I told him, in -a joking tone, the story of our expedition; and meanwhile stealthily -examined his thin profile. He was a mere boy. A younger brother, this -lad too, younger not only in years.... He was thirsty. I pulled up a -bucket of water for him and we drank out of the same mug. - -Then making a violent effort to get over what I think was timidity he -said to me: - -"Thanks very much." - -I replied: - -"Look here, old chap, don't you think we ought all to be pals?" - -As he nodded in agreement, I ventured on to more ticklish ground. With -all sorts of precautions, and wordy extenuations, I let him see how -necessary it was, in the present circumstances, not to let the men's -morale be shaken. It was for us in particular, who mixed with the -troops to preach it to them, and to practise what we preached. There -were so many shining reasons to hope. Complaints were so harmful. - -It was a dangerous subject, I repeat. Humel was already chafing under -my remarks and beginning to protest--(Where is the man who will submit -to being taught his business?)--I went off at a tangent, just in time, -and roundly abused Playoust and Descroix--Humel I affected to accept, -to consider that as far as he was able to, he tried to react against a -troublesome state of mind; I considered him the only N.C.O. who counted -in No. 1 platoon, as De Valpic was too ill but I hoped that he would -redouble his efforts! - -The most transparent ruses were successful. Humel gave up rebelling. I -do not know whether he flattered himself that he was like the portrait -I drew of him, but he nodded approvingly. When you catch people doing -wrong they are so grateful to you when you do not humiliate them. - -We shook hands heartily when we separated. I kept his youthful fist in -mine for a minute: - -"_Au revoir_, my lad!" - -"See you to-morrow!" - -One more on our side, perhaps! - -I went to lie down on our dung-heap. My companions were already asleep. -I looked affectionately at Bouillon and Guillaumin for a moment--then I -scribbled a few lines to Jeannine, and lay down at peace with myself. - - - - -_BOOK VIII_ - -_September 2nd-7th_ - - - - -CHAPTER X - -NEWS AT LAST! - - -The next day reinforcements arrived from our depot. There were forty -men for the company, one of whom was an N.C.O. called Langlois--seven -men for the section. - -The poor wretches were very much depressed. They had been detrained at -Bar-le-Duc, and sent off to find us, in charge of a subaltern. They -had been wandering about for three days, with little or no food. They -were worn out when they joined us. Their feet were bleeding, and in -their eyes was the reflection of horrible visions. Oh, those fields of -corpses! And the smell! Several of them were sick once more at the mere -recollection of it. Or again, in other places--those bodies buried in -haste--the arms and feet sticking out of the ground! And then, on the -second evening they had suddenly found themselves in the firing line. -Bullets whizzed past their ears--Zzp, Zzp--and shells surrounded them. -Several of their men had already been killed. - -It must be added that these men left F---- five days before under -a gloomy impression. News had just got through of our regiment of -regulars who since the very beginning had been fighting a few miles -away from us, though we had never come across them. And what news it -was! Leaving Longuyon on the morning of the 21st, engaged that evening -at Ethes, and thrown back on Tellencourt, they had been, so to speak, -volatilised, during those two days. Their losses had been enormous. One -battalion had been wiped out and another was missing--the only hope was -that the whole of it might have been taken prisoners--the third had -been saved by the self-possession of a company commander. - -When one thought of the recruiting, to a great extent local--The -regulars! All the young harvest! The flower of the country! A great -many of our _poilus_ had a younger brother, sometimes two or three, -among these troops which were said to be exterminated. They were to be -seen with anxious eyes, and quivering nostrils, hazarding some name or -other, in an agony of suspense. Details were generally lacking, but a -trenchant reply would sometimes come: - -"Killed, killed!" - -"Killed?" - -"Exactly." - -What a blow it was. Some of them staggered, but most of them bowed -their heads and said nothing. Then seized with compassion, I would go -up to them. - -"Poor old chap!" I soothed them with a vague hope--how many of the -missing would turn up again? - -What I was more anxious about than anything else was, as may be -imagined, the general situation. What was happening? I feverishly -questioned Langlois. - -He was a school-master too, but from Paris. Playoust's set had -immediately tried to get hold of him, but he made it quite clear -that he intended to remain neutral, on good terms with us. He had an -interesting head. He was sunburnt, and had intensely blue eyes, a big -nose with a narrow bridge, and a determined chin. Besides that, he was -slim and muscular, and had a graceful carriage. There was a look of -a musketeer or condottiere about him--a look which was deceptive for -that matter, as I soon realised. He was a good sort, but nothing beyond -that. His intelligence was limited. - -During his weeks at the depot everything seemed to have rolled off him, -like water off a duck's back, without making the faintest impression. -He was eager for news, no doubt, but he was far from attaching to it -the tragic and capital importance which clothed the least occurrence in -this hour of our history. - -It was disappointing and exasperating to me. I would have given a -lot to meet Fortin and have a talk with him. We had just heard that -he had become a humble private again, and was with the reinforcement -detachment. - -However, I set about extracting all the news from Langlois, bit by bit, -and finished by attaining my end. - -To begin with, the period of optimism had continued. The enemy had -been intercepted on the Meuse, and at Liege, Namur, and Dinant. Our -offensive was developing at Mulhouse and towards Morhange. That had -gone on until Friday, the 21st. That day's _communique_ still gave a -favourable picture of the situation. There were two shadows on it, -however: the day was described as having been "less fortunate" in -Lorraine, and the occupation of Brussels. The next day, there was -nothing very new. A huge battle was going on. The guns were talking. - -Complete silence for two days. On the third--it was Tuesday--the -_communique_ announced, in terms very flattering to our troops, that -the attack had had no decisive results and that we had fallen back on -our covering positions. The casualties were heavy on both sides. One -paper claimed to see a second Valmy in the engagement. - -But since then things had been going from bad to worse! To how great -an extent? I pressed Langlois, and implored him to try and recall the -smallest details--the text even of the bulletins. We were holding -out? Apparently. Towards Nancy our luck seemed to be re-establishing -itself. In the North? Oh. Langlois admitted that he really knew nothing -about the North. I pretended to be as calm as possible in order to -encourage him. Come along! The daily reports? What did they point to? -They were perplexing--"The English have lost a little ground on our -extreme left...." "We have had to bring our line slightly farther -back...." What else? Ever since the day following "Charleroi" they -had talked of German patrol parties venturing right up to near Douai -and Valenciennes. A note which had an official twang about it had -appeared on this subject. There was no cause for alarm! Merely isolated -instances! That was all very well! But the same day we read in the -socialistic manifesto that "Our richest and most cultivated regions are -invaded." - -"And what about the Russians?" I asked. "Haven't they come in yet?" - -"Yes--things are going all right down there apparently." - -There were no details, of course. - -The detachment had left F----, Langlois continued, at midday on the -29th,--the Paris dailies had just arrived. - -This time there was a _communique_ which was undeniably odd. Even he -had been startled. He quoted the exact text: "_The situation on our -front, from the Somme to the Vosges, is exactly the same to-day as it -was yesterday._" - -From the Somme to the Vosges! It was my turn to get a shock. What! Then -the Huns were at Amiens! Yes, everything went to prove it. Even nearer -perhaps? They had heard a rumour on their train journey, of sanguinary -engagements at Bapaume and at Peronne. Other reports were circulating. -Soisson and St. Quentin were said to have been cut off, the Compiegne -forest on fire. - -I would not believe it all. I clung to the _communique_ of the 27th. -But in any case it was a terrible awakening. Even Guillaumin, who -joined us, was not incredulous, for once. An orderly had just confirmed -the news of the investment of La Fere. We put this fortress down as -being about half-way between the frontier and Paris. Was the capital in -danger? Not yet, after all! We pictured a huge force barring the way to -the intrenched camp. - -What worried me most was public opinion which, with us, is so nervous -and impressionable. There was good reason to be calm about the morale -of the army. But the departments in the background. We were given a -gloomy reflection of the spirit reigning there now.... - -And the government especially? I had a vague dread of some faltering, -some lack of real energy in this coterie of middle-aged _bourgeois_, -who had grown up amid the dejection which had followed the defeat, and -had been softened by forty years of enjoyable egoism. Would they hold -out? What did we know of it? We had got no more letters since the game -had been played and lost in the North. - -Certain facts which I learnt from Langlois were not calculated to -reassure me. The cabinet had been modified! Socialists in the Ministry. -If it should mean the road to some humiliating pact? There was still a -fear of civil war, in which France would drown herself in a fratricidal -struggle or, worse than all else, fling herself into the arms of the -infamous wretch who would speak of peace! - - * * * * * - -I kept my anxiety to myself in my continuous endeavour not to shake -any one's courage. I watched my _poilus_ with delight as they exerted -themselves to cheer up the new-comers. The Judsis and Lamalous laughed -at their glum looks. - -"Like to know wot they'd say, if they'd seen any real fightin'!..." - -They pulled their legs, inventing fantastic feats of prowess by the -regiment, or the company. The taking of "Beauclair" for instance! -Judsi often returned to the subject of that exploit. They had found -more burnt and spitted Bosches in there than you'd believe possible. -A carpet, no a pile, of them rising right up to the first storey. -Maddening for the ground-floor people of whom there was not a sign to -be seen. - -The audience was greatly tickled. - -"Now you'll do. W'en a man knows 'ow to laugh, 'e'll make a soldier!" - -Thereupon, news arrived. We had been attached to the 4th Corps again, -and were to be entrained. What for? Paris. We were to form a part of -the troops constituting the mobile defence. - -There was general rejoicing. Paris! A certain number of the men came -from the city or the suburbs, and even for the others the magic -syllables evoked endless delights. What ho! for the picture palaces and -the pretty girls, in their first free hour.... - -It opened up a perspective of repose for everyone, after so much toil. - - - - -CHAPTER XI - -THE CATHEDRAL - - -The notice had reached us at seven o'clock in the morning. At five -o'clock in the afternoon we arrived at St. Menehould, of which we saw -nothing but the station. At six we were in the train. - -Just as it was getting under way--I was looking through the -ventilator--there was a sudden panic on the platform. Employees and -foremen began to run, flinging their arms up. What was it? There -was a noise, I understood. A Taube was flying over the station. The -men crowded to the doors. We had no time to distinguish anything. A -tremendous explosion flung us on top of each other, and a certain -number fell on to the floor of the waggon. - -A bomb had just fallen thirty yards from us. There were instant yells -and a torrent of smoke. A waggon was pulverised on one of the adjacent -lines. Three men killed, and six wounded we heard. And two hours' delay -for us. - -So we did not get away till night. The beginning of our misfortunes! -We had not been going twenty minutes, when we pulled up with a violent -jerk. An avalanche of rifles and packs--contusions and confusion. - -The lantern was shivered, and went out. A chorus of imprecations -exploded in the darkness. We struck some matches. No serious damage -done. Prunelle's face was bleeding, and his glasses were broken. He -had a splinter of glass at the edge of his eyelashes. He was lucky. He -might have lost an eye. - -And outside? We leant out. Shadows were swarming on the ballast, some -limping, others frightened. Bouchut had been sent for and came up in a -fury shouting at the top of his voice. An orderly was standing in front -of each waggon inquiring in a surly voice: - -"Any casualties here?" - -A commonplace stoppage. The tail carriages had turned over, and the -last one which contained among other things the officers' equipments -was reduced to atoms, to the great glee of the men. - -"We'll lend 'em our tooth-brushes!" said Judsi. - -They were not so delighted about it, when they heard that some more men -had been killed there, four or five apparently, including Sepot, the -chief laboratory man, a good sort, whom everybody loved. - -"If this sorter thing goes on," Lamalou said, "there won't be many of -us by the time we gets to Paris!" - -The stoppage was prolonged. I got out and walked up and down for a -little while. The sky was overcast, and there was no moon. I got back. -Our train hooted dismally in the darkness, like a ship in distress. - -I fell asleep, and we started off again, and went bumping drowsily on -our way. - - * * * * * - -We woke up at dawn to find we had halted again, and were not to go on -for an hour at least. The cooks were getting coffee ready. There was -an autumnal feeling in the air. It was bitterly cold, and we stamped -our feet. It was a characteristic landscape, with its billows of bald -hillocks studded with little woods of conventional shapes.... The -surroundings of the Camp de Chalons. - -De Valpic was shivering and stayed in his waggon. Guillaumin said to me -below his breath: - -"I wonder--if I'm dreaming?" - -"Why?" - -"I thought I heard...." - -"Well?" - -"Firing!" - -I listened attentively. No, there was nothing. I chaffed him on his -hallucinations! Was he profiting by Ravelli's teaching? Firing indeed! -An excellent joke! We had left the enemy more than a hundred and thirty -miles behind. - -Guillaumin did not persist. The time which had been fixed passed by. -Then we were told that we should be there for another two hours. - -I left the railway lines and went off into the open fields. - -I noticed that our convoy was not the only one which had been stopped -there. The black line stretched away as far as eye could see, bordered -with a swarm of uniforms, and smoking bonfires. The line was badly -blocked. - -As I had plenty of time before me, the idea occurred to me of climbing -the nearest hill. I followed a chalky path. - -I had imagined that this crest was quite near by, and that I should -reach it without any difficulty. I only breasted it after twenty -minutes of breathless climbing. - - * * * * * - -A violent north wind lashed me, up there, and dried my perspiration. -A vast panorama lay before me: a series of desolate-looking humps -covered the ground, some of them bristling with vine poles, supporting -the good Champagne grapes. I took my bearings. Just to the south, -I made out the blue ridge of the more important hills, a sort of -promontory where I thought an army might have got a good hold. I -turned towards the west, a lifeless, colourless stretch of country. -The railway line with its telegraph posts disappeared between two low -hillocks on that side. - -But I thought I could make out the haze and dust rising from a big -town. Yes--when I looked harder--there was a purple phantom, the -silhouette of a building, hardly discernible in the mist, which little -by little grew more distinct--those towers superb in their grace and -strength. In my wonder, I named it aloud--Rheims Cathedral. - -By some strange chance I had forgotten that this Presence was so near -at hand, though on getting into the train that day before, I had -vaguely hoped that fate might lead us to it. - -My veneration for this most sacred of all shrines dated from my -earliest childhood when I had admired a picture of it reproduced in my -prayer-book. Abbe Ygonel, my first teacher, had sung the praises of its -magnificent harmony in striking terms. I had made of this erection the -centre round which gravitated the whole of our history, enchanting as a -legend. - -I had only once been to see it. I had gone to Rheims for a football -match, and before and after the game had left my comrades, and had gone -all alone to reflect on the faith which reared the poem of this portal -and these towers. - -I unconsciously picked up the thread of that meditation again now. The -coronation cathedral! It was there that all the kings whose names were -landmarks in our annals, from Philippe-Auguste to Louis XVI. had come, -with bowed heads, to receive at the hands of holy men the crown and the -unction which made them more than men. - -Detached from the present, I once more began to rejoice at this -glorious realisation--when my meditation was disturbed by an almost -imperceptible wave of sound--a distant echo. A storm beginning or -ending? I considered the sky. It was clear and serene. Again there -was a stifled rumble. This time I ceased to entertain any doubts. -Guillaumin's ears had not played him false. My heart contracted at the -first echoes of firing to awaken Champagne. I listened. I wanted to -find out ... the pale horizon guarded its secret. I looked again. The -bewildering part of it was that this rumbling seemed to come not from -the borders of Argonne, where we had left our trail only yesterday, but -from the opposite direction, stretching westwards towards Paris. Was -the enemy there? Could it be possible? Already barring this route! - -I had mechanically turned my eyes towards the cathedral again. What -was I seeking? I believe it was help and comfort, from thee, the -representative city,--vision worthy of exalting us. - -Why, on the contrary, did this unbounding sadness worm its way into my -heart? - -What did this proud edifice declare? The power of Royalty, the glory -of the Catholicism.... The soul of ancient France, which was incarnate -in these living stones, had crumbled more quickly in the blast of -modern thought, than they had in the wear and tear of time. What bound -us, the sons of the twentieth century, to these traditions for which -our ancestors had lived, and piously lavished themselves in such -attestations? - -Other thoughts obsessed me. Rheims, the heart of the country. This -city, which held such an illustrious place in our annals, to-day was -threatened, almost lost. How many of our ancient possessions had lately -fallen into the hands of the enemy? In 1871, Strassburg and Metz. This -time the downfall was more rapid--Flanders and Artois, Picardy, so many -treasures and marvels, our patrimony of art and land. The impious tide -was advancing. And what fate awaited these august arches, under which -our princes had prostrated themselves, the nave which had echoed to the -sublime chants of our religion? Would they become a Lutheran church -which we should be allowed to look over for the consideration of a few -pfennigs? Or was there a worse fate in store for them? I dared not put -it into words ... the crushing presentiment of ravage and crime, fire -and sword, devastating this miracle of human hands. I only know that -filling my consciousness with the gorgeous picture I secretly bid it -farewell. - -What was to be done? Resist? No doubt. But so many legions had burst -from the Germanic reservoirs. What if it was the barbarians' turn to -spread across this corner of the world? An unwavering law--why not? -France would perhaps die away--the most civilised nation, ruined by her -intelligence, by her scepticism revolting against that which had formed -her grandeur. I glanced at the string of stationary trains below. -Should we ever get any farther? Were we not more likely to fight where -we were? An ironical fate to perish in sight of these towers, symbols -of our whilom virtue, of our repudiated creed! - -It must be noticed that I was still convinced that we should all do our -utmost duty. We should merit the respect of those who would build on -our ruins. I closed my eyes. I almost wished that the hour of our noble -passing would strike as soon as possible. It seemed to me that, wounded -to the death, I might have closed my eyes, unregretfully, on my race -and on myself since we had achieved our destiny. - -And yet compunction pursued me among these gloomy speculations. Where -was my dauntlessness of yesterday? Why did I suddenly flinch? I sought -for the torches which lit up my path. A dazzling beacon stood forth: My -love! Jeannine--Jeannine! I still adored her, but what fears interposed -themselves, chilling my hope. I counted the days, how many was it, five -or six, since I had heard from her. Our one chance of happiness was -exposed to so many risks. - -What was happening over there? If there were strikes and riots, and the -attendant train of outrages? A fair-haired victim...! Would not our -future fall to pieces with the future of our nation? Or again--other -thoughts assailed me. The turgid surge of uncertainty. Had I deceived -myself? Had I not relied too much on a few friendly letters? Had the -exalted tone of my missives suddenly alarmed her? - -And then I took pity on myself. So that was the only cause of my -depression. The delay in our correspondence. But was there any one -round me, never mind who it was, more favoured than I? I tried in vain -to bring about a reaction. - -I went back into the valley. Guillaumin was watching for me and greeted -me by asking: - -"Well, are you convinced now?" - -Yes, it certainly was firing. It could be heard quite distinctly. The -men had recognised it, and seemed exhilarated by it. - -Judsi announced: - -"Boom! There now! We missed the band!" - -Primitive souls, who did not know what anxiety was. - - - - -CHAPTER XII - -PESSIMISM - - -Towards midday we set off again, but to our surprise, went slowly -backwards, accompanied by the shrill blasts of whistles. The line -beyond Rheims must obviously be cut, or just about to be cut. Where -were they taking us to? - -There was a new halt, near a branch line, which lasted for an -interminable time. Then we laboriously got under way again. The evening -was already falling. - -How long did that journey last? Two nights and two days? Or three? It -was enough to make one lose all idea of time. - -I doubt whether, after leaving Chalons our speed could have exceeded -eight miles an hour. Every five minutes we pulled up, sometimes only -for a few seconds, sometimes for two or three hours. To begin with the -men in command of each truck had instructions to see that no one got -out. But as the comedy continued to repeat itself, the orders were soon -relaxed. It was better outside than in. - -At Chalons and at Troyes we found cold meals prepared for us. In -between times the men spread over the neighbouring fields in search of -carrots, beans, and potatoes, and generally reaped a fruitful harvest. -They hollowed out ovens along the line, but the train often started -off just as the camp-kettles had been put on to the fire. The first -time or two, panic ensued, the men seized the material, burning their -fingers, and crammed their mouths with half-cooked vegetables. - -But they gradually got to take things more calmly. If the train wanted -to do a bolt, let it, by all means! They'd catch it up all right. Or if -not they would jump on to the next one that came along, that was all! -There was a procession of convoys on our down line. - -The most hilarious merriment spread from one end of the chain to the -other. It was occasionally chilled by meeting an ambulance train -carrying its terrible load of suffering. We were shunted and the other -passed us. It was heart-rending, and unpleasant too, to have to stay in -the wake of it, where there floated an unsavory smell. But the rest of -the time--high jinks! The _poilus_ had taken a fancy to this fantastic -excursion. Peasants did a trade in eatables along the line. We bought -eggs, cheese, jam, and black puddings and sausages from them--good -cheer, in fact. And wine most of all. There was a great run on some -frothy wine of an inferior quality sold at two francs a bottle. The men -clubbed together and there were great drinking bouts which ended in -some of them being distinctly "binged." - -It was no use trying to interfere. The N.C. O's were giving way -everywhere. Some of them even joined in. Among our lot I at least -succeeded in putting into force this rule: that whoever felt squeamish, -should not get back into the truck, where he would make everyone -uncomfortable. It was strictly observed: some of these excellent -fellows meekly dragged their wish to vomit along the ballast for a -livelong day. - -I was far from partaking in this atmosphere of gaiety, and was, on -the contrary, bored and depressed. I did not get out half-a-dozen -times, but stayed in our truck in almost complete isolation. Chance -had separated me from Guillaumin on this journey, and thrown me with -Langlois, who was not a very inspiring companion. - -De Valpic was feeling the effects of his recent fatigue, and lay down -the whole time. Humel twice came to pay me a short visit, unknown to -the rest of the "set." Henriot was nowhere to be seen. - -I have said that we stopped for a moment at Troyes where we turned off -on to the main line, Belfort-Paris. We soon saw the effect of it in -the change of speed. Two of our gay spirits again took advantage of a -halt, to rag in the fields. The train started off at full speed without -whistling. We did not see them again until two days later. - - * * * * * - -We arrived at Pantin at night. The men's persistent gaiety made me -singularly cross, and I was much relieved when the captain lost his -temper and exacted silence. We detrained in pitch darkness. All the -lamps in the station had been put out for fear of Taubes and Zeppelins. - -I longed and feared to learn what turn things had taken. I questioned a -foreman who confided in me: - -"You're lucky, you're the last to arrive! To-morrow the system won't be -working. It's already cut at Meaux." - -They hurried us along the platform, weighed down like human live-stock. -On leaving the station we turned into an unlighted avenue, and marched -for half an hour or fifty minutes. - -The men demanded a halt. - -Everyone was so firmly convinced that we were being brought back to -rest here. We would have given anything to lie down, if only on bad -straw. Our backs were sore all over from those seventy-six hours in the -train. - -The streets were deserted. At long intervals there was a sentry, or -patrol-party. We went on, half dozing. With my head nodding, I urged -myself on to certain arguments, which were comparatively reassuring. -Don't throw the helve after the hatchet. A besieged town is not a -captured town. Paris, in 1870, had held out for more than four months. -The defensive works in those days did not approach those of to-day. - -Henriot was walking beside me. I unbared my thoughts to him. He -retorted: - -"Oh rot! They'll get in as easy as look at it!" - -"Do you really know anything definite about it?" I asked, a little -nonplussed. - -"I know as much as everyone else! Nothing's ready. The forts in the -west are not worth a pin. They won't hold out any more than those at -Namur!" - -He added: - -"And then you know, when we no longer think of anything but defending -ourselves...!" - -There were two lanterns in the middle of the road, and forms coming and -going. It was an intrenching party--some Zouaves digging a piece of -trench, and a machine-gun was pointed there. - -Judsi turned round. - -"A bit beforehand, ain't they?" - -Their zeal was rather overdone! That was the general impression. I, on -the contrary, felt that it might come in useful no later than to-morrow. - -I repeated to myself Henriot's half-finished remark, "When we no longer -think of anything but defending ourselves...!" And I followed the -thought to its conclusion. I remembered the teaching of my military -education, a certain crude phrase in the regulations, "A passive -defensive is doomed to certain defeat!" - -Pray what were we doing but running to shut ourselves up in a camp? How -many sad precedents there were for that? Metz, Port Arthur, Adrianople -... I recalled the changed attitude of those of my companions who -were capable of reasoning. De Valpic, prostrate. Was it due only to -weariness? Guillaumin was taciturn and reserved, and the officers -silent. The captain? We had seen very little of him--once or twice -gloomily gnawing his moustache. What baleful influence was in the air? -I was suddenly suffocated by it. - -Where were they taking us now? It was Prunelle who put us on the -track. He recognised the country, it was in the neighbourhood of -Neuilly-Plaisance. There was a tiny village there where he went every -Saturday evening, and quite near by, a topping place for fishing. May I -be hung if he did not begin to prate of perch and roach? - -There was a halt at last. I took a turn. A shadow was silhouetted in -front of me: - -"Sergeant!" - -"Who goes there?" - -Oh, I recognised him.... - -"That you, Donnadieu?" - -It was my corporal, the voluntary casualty of Mangiennes! - -"I've come back, Sergeant," he said. "Sergeant...." - -He stopped, choking.... - -"Did you tell the others?" - -"Tell them what?" - -"How I ... was wounded?" - -"No." I replied coldly. "I told no one." - -My glance mechanically sought his hand. He explained: - -"Two fingers gone, that's all! I've asked them not to discharge me, as -I can hold my rifle! I've been waiting for you here for two days...." - -He began again: - -"Sergeant, I was watching for you ... I wanted to see you before the -others ... because ... because...." - -He swallowed: - -"If the thing had got about ... I should have put a bullet through my -head!" - -His tone was abrupt, and sincere. A man who would recover himself. Why -could I not find a hearty word for him? - -"Where were you looked after?" - -"At the field hospital.... A dozen or so out of the company were there." - -"Do you know what became of...?" - -He read my thoughts.... - -"Sergeant Fremont?" - -"Fremont, yes?" - -"He died ... in two days. They couldn't move him." - -I left him. Little Fremont dead! It seemed impossible, and yet I had -foreseen it. The tragic destiny weighed on us all! Again I saw him, -this comrade of my youth, seated on the bench in the garden, beside his -love, with the clear eyes.... - -I went back to my companions. Guillaumin and De Valpic were together, -and Humel not far away. I called him, and told them the sad news, in an -under-tone. - -"It's quite certain then?" - -Humel fixed his eyes, in which I read anxiety and terror, on me. Poor -boy! He, especially, needed a comforting word. I could not furnish it. -We were all four silent. - -Then De Valpic tried to dispel the gloom, by referring to some incident -or other on the journey. He adopted a joking tone. But his strength -failed him, his cough put an end to his story. And the order came to -start again. - -We met again during the next halt. No one had the heart to say a word. -Each one of us felt capable of mastering his own distress, but if they -all came to be fused and strengthened by each other, there would be -nothing for it but to sob.... - - - - -CHAPTER XIII - -A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER - - -We were billeted in a school, a pleasant change after the wretched -holes we had been given in Argonne. I slept until it was broad daylight. - -When I awoke, our _poilus_ had been up for a long time. Judsi was -parting his hair, and talking of asking for leave to go and see his -lady friend. I went on lying in my corner for quite a long time. I -was haunted by the gloomy speculations which had attacked me the day -before. I thought of you, Jeannine, and wondered if you were thinking -of me.... - -De Valpic appeared at the door and glanced round the room. He caught -sight of me and came up. - -"Good morning, old chap!" - -He sat down beside me. - -"This Paris air does buck one up. I'm in the 'pink' this morning!" - -He coughed. - -"And what about you?" - -"Not so dusty." - -He continued: - -"You did look cut up last night. Directly I got up, I said to myself, -now it's my turn to go and cheer him up!" - -I smiled. - -"Awfully decent of you, but did I need it as much as all that?" - -There was a moment's silence, while his warm gaze probed me. Then he -put his hand on my shoulder: - -"We aren't getting letters," he said, "but it doesn't mean that they -have forgotten us, old man!" - -He had accentuated his words, with the intuition of a generous -heart. How cleverly he had seen through the almost unconscious yet -ever-present motive of my bitterness. I hoped he would continue--but he -did not force my reserve. Simply and quietly he began to open his heart -to me again, as he had the other day. I learnt that his betrothed was -named Anne-Marie, and he told me her family name too, an illustrious -one, as I had supposed. The last card he had had from her had been sent -from Laon, he said.... Yes, she was down there with a detachment of -nurses. - -De Valpic spoke slowly, in his expressive, caressing voice. He told me -what strength and stoical tenacity of purpose he had drawn more than -once, from the tender daily letter. Without this assistance he would -have faltered and fallen at the beginning. He considered that now was -the time, when he, like me, had been deprived of all news, for so long, -to stand fast, to show himself worthy of her, to put forth all the -strength which she had inculcated into him. - -It was a confidence which seemed to prompt mine, or take it for -granted, a new bond between us. All he told me of his fiancee, I could -attribute to Jeannine. Valiant children, they were both alike in their -attachment to us, in their task of inspiration. I too invoked a certain -passage in one of the recent letters, buttoned up in my tunic, where -courage and patience were preached to me, where I was implored never -to despair of happiness. Stick to it, then, by way of homage, in proof -of manly devotion. I fervently forbade myself to let despondency get a -hold over me. Ah! If only I could have made enthusiasm my daily bread. - -"I've just been writing," continued De Valpic. "Sent from here, perhaps -it will arrive. Won't you imitate me?" - -I asked him to excuse me for a moment while I scrawled a few lines. I -told Jeannine that fate had deigned to answer my prayer, and bring me -near to her.... Nothing more than a smiling testimony to our faith and -hope. - -On reading it over I laughed and said: - -"Well, if she is not cheered up by that!" - -"You know," he said, "that Paris is showing a most admirable spirit." - -"Really? How can you judge of it?" - -"Come along!" - -He gave me a hand by which to pull myself up. We went out. In the -street I was at once struck by all the windows decked with flags -flapping in the wind, the serenity written on the faces of the people -walking about, the tranquil hum. I had seen the city look like this -during the mobilisation. - -"Has there been--a victory?" I murmured. - -"It will come all in good time!" De Valpic said gaily. "Don't be in -such a hurry!" - -Bells were beginning to ring. - -"It's Sunday," he continued. "What luck to be here on a Sunday!" - -We took a few steps. It was a clear, spring-like morning; a gentle -breeze made the sunlit tree-tops quiver. A troop of little children -ran up brandishing sticks and spades. - -"Hurrah for the soldiers!" they cried. - -They had the attractive, wide-awake faces common to Paris boys. They -nudged each other. - -"It's the 3rd ... just look!" - -"My big bruvver's in the 302nd." - -Some of them gazed into our eyes saying: - -"'Ad a 'ard time, 'aven't yer, but we're sure to wop 'em, ain't we?" - -"Wop 'em--rather!" De Valpic retorted joyously. - -The passers-by smiled at us, or gave us a friendly wave of the hand. -The City greeted us, not as her saviours--Paris did not admit that she -was in any danger,--but simply as good children who had suffered for -her sake. - -The rare trams which were running, began to turn out numbers of Sunday -excursionists. A great many had come with their families either on -foot, or bicycling, to enjoy the air of their beloved suburb. Not -one of them showed the least trace of terror. They were marvellously -light-hearted. It was amusing to see the fathers pointing out the -preparations for defence to their offspring, the trenches and -barricades made of trees placed at intervals along the avenues, and -supplying the explanations in a serious or amused tone of voice. The -little brats enjoyed the unusual sight. Their eyes were often turned -skywards, a Taube was the only thing wanting to make their joy complete. - -De Valpic pressed my arm. He was triumphant. - -"Well, what do you say to it?" - -Two pretty young women, who were crossing the road, came up to us. They -were attractive and distinguished-looking. They both had baskets on -their arms, and we noticed their brassards. They gracefully offered us -cigarettes, cakes, and packets of sweets tied up with ribbons. I helped -myself discreetly. De Valpic would only accept a flower, which he stuck -in his cap. - -"And what about your comrades?" - -We called Bouillon who was passing. He was still only half-clothed, as -he had been washing at a fountain. At last he made up his mind to it -and they made a great fuss over "the brave _poilu_." - -Having stuffed him with dainties, they began to question him. Where did -he come from? From Paris, really! And what quarter? Grenelle. One of -them exclaimed that she lived in that part too. Bouillon was stammering -in his embarrassment. - -I took it upon myself to give them "Marie's" address. The young woman -promised to go and see her, no later than to-morrow, and she would take -something for the baby. - -I think that they had recognised De Valpic and myself as belonging to -their world. Just as they were about to go on their way, they turned -round once more. - -"Perhaps you have some letters to send?" - -"Yes, indeed." - -We gave them the missives. - -"Good luck to you!" - -They held out their hands to us, with a pretty gesture. - - * * * * * - -Directly they had gone, I said to De Valpic: - -"What we ought to have done was to ask them for some papers!" - -"What does it matter?" - -He accosted the first passer-by, and then went on to the next group. -His courtesy stood him in good stead. In five minutes he had collected -six or seven newspapers, of that day or the day before. We went in -again to revel in this literature. - -Our eyes grew wet with joy, at the very first glance. - -I have spoken of my obstinate fears concerning the interior peril. They -soon vanished. There was no confusion at all. - -The Government was intact, and had become greater and more sanctified. -All the different parties were working together. The alterations in the -Ministry had no other significance. It was a Sacred Union. The words -exactly described it. - -I fell upon the _communiques_. That day's said that the enemy was -continuing his change of front in the south-east.... - -That of the day before mentioned that Rheims and La Ferte had been -reached.... That was no news to us! - -Most of the space was devoted to the enormous advance by the Russians, -a piece of news which astounded, and overjoyed us. What fun has since -been made of the wave of hope let loose by these victories at the -beginning, of the naive enthusiasm of the crowds, and the tale of -the Cossacks being only a few days' march from Berlin? Wrongly, in -my opinion. The benefit derived from such illusions will never be -exaggerated. Our salvation was built on them and by them,--by the -fervour aroused in the veins of each Frenchman, the fierce resolution -to strain every faculty, to fight side by side, to hold out until the -mighty flood of Slavs, pouring out of the Steppes, should overwhelm -everything.... - -And besides, they were not all chimeras. There were already some -definite results. Oriental Prussia was invaded, and "Altenstein" and -"Gumbinnen"--the censor was silent on the subject of "Thannenberg." And -then, at the other extremity of this front, the triumphs in Galicia, -the occupation of Lemberg, which had just been announced, and endless -booty and trophies! - -Farther on other flourishes were sounded. There was an avalanche of -details on the marvellous exploits of the Serbians--their success at -Lonitza, dated from the week before--down to the splendid Montenegrins -who were said to be threatening Cattaro. - -What could be more impressive, too, than the firmness of the English -resolution! The expeditionary force, coming over in numbers, day after -day; Lord Kitchener's allusion to the "formidable factor"--everyone -knew what he meant by that. - -Above all, the solemn compact made by the Three Powers not to sign a -separate peace. - -And then what life and courage there was in the style of all these -articles. They would always be read and re-read for the edification of -the people. There was no sign of depression or giving way. Nothing but -a superb confidence in the destiny of the country. They approved the -action of the Ministry, frankly and completely. It was an excellent -move to take the Government to Bordeaux, as a measure of prudence. -Gallieni was to replace Michel. Well if the latter submitted, he -must be imitated. There were sober commentaries on the strategical -situation. The errors and defeats were admitted, but public opinion -convinced that further mistakes were being guarded against, was not -affected by them. The possibility of an attack against the Intrenched -Camp was recognised, but there were strong arguments tending to prove -that it would fail utterly. There were interviews with combatants, -wounded, and prisoners; noble traits, and heroic sayings. In fact, one -might say that the atmosphere was one of cocksureness and joviality. -The press and the nation were attaining to the fine temper of the -_poilus_. - -Here and there anonymous pieces of information or an article, signed -by a celebrated writer or politician, were conspicuous--all great -successes. It was not my smallest surprise. These people, worthy of -their reputation, of their readers, of the Moment! Supple geniuses -moving without effort at the zenith of eloquence. - -Why quote any names? They were superbly-tuned instruments, all -vibrating on the same note, taking their part in the paeon, even to a -certain divine flute-player, whom I had formerly admired as an artist, -without considering him sincere, even without always relishing his -disdainful irony--I was struck by the direct, earnest style which he -suddenly displayed. I felt my soul thrill in unison with his great -soul, which he unveiled with a quiver. - -De Valpic and I devoured the papers, and handed them on to each other. - -"Just read that!" - -I know quite well that we brought the most credulous state of mind to -our reading--I was even tempted to upbraid myself with it. The world of -the press was well known to me! It was turned on at a word of command. -Even in face of all likelihood and reason. Perhaps all the probable -sorrows of the hour were being hidden from us. - -De Valpic read my thoughts: - -"As long as it goes down...!" he said. - -It was true enough. They were happy lies to judge by their fruits. If -those who traced these lines despaired at heart, all the more honour -to them.... Who could thank them enough for the manly assurance they -had inscribed on the face of the crowd? Could I not feel the benefit of -their encouragement upon myself? - -My companion looked at his watch. - -"I must leave you." - -"Where are you going?" - -He smiled: - -"Will you come with me? There is a mass at nine o'clock, just near by." - - - - -CHAPTER XIV - -HIGH STRATEGY - - -I was going out into the yard, with my three or four papers spread out -in my hand, when I heard myself called. I stopped. It was Captain Ribet. - -"Newspapers are prohibited!" he said. - -I was standing at attention. I gazed at him. Was he joking? In peace -time, I knew they were not allowed. But to-day! Was it a pet fad of -his? Or else were there special instructions? - -His features relaxed. He continued: - -"Will you lend me one?" - -I handed him the whole bundle. - -"Allow me ..." he said. "Just a glance." - -He ran through the first page, and was just going to turn over. - -I made bold to say: - -"There's nothing so exhilarating as that reading, I consider, sir! I -confess I was thinking of letting my men profit by it...." He cut me -short: - -"I understand, I understand you. You're a good sort, Dreher! Two or -three of you have turned out to be extraordinarily useful! I was a -little bit prejudiced against you young _bourgeois_. I thought you -would be selfish, and not care a rap about your work or anything else. -I was mistaken." - -He added: - -"I wish all your comrades were like you!" - -I opened my mouth but he stopped me. - -"I know what I'm talking about. I'm quite well aware of it. Look here, -only this morning I had a talk with Descroix and Humel. I've warned -them of one thing, and that is, that if during the first engagement -their men flinch.... Ah! I'm not going to stand any nonsense! It'll be -a case of summary justice, I can tell you!" - -I put in a few words on Humel's behalf. - -"Yes, he's getting himself in hand again, since he's had something to -do with you others!" - -Bless the man! Nothing escaped him. He continued: - -"As for Playoust, nothing on earth will induce me to have him in -my firing-line again. I'm going to arrange to have him sent to the -ammunition-train, but I shall warn them to keep an eye on him there!" - -I said nothing as I felt slightly embarrassed. It was certainly the -first time that the company commander had lingered in tete-a-tete with -one of his N.C. O's. Ravelli, who was a few yards off, must think I was -getting a wigging. I tried to escape. - -"Stop a minute," said Ribet, "if I'm not boring you...." - -He smiled. - -"And stand at ease, Dreher!" - -I moved my left leg, and smiled in my turn. - -Then he began to talk to me in an unexpectedly familiar tone--this man -whom I had thought so proud, so incapable of confiding in any one. He -told me his whole history, how when quite small he had always longed -to be a soldier, how he had been kept back by an illness, and had -failed for St. Cyr (I had always thought he had been through it), why -he had enlisted.... He loyally reported all his disappointments, and -mortifications. It was the last trade in peace time. He appealed to me -to corroborate this statement from the knowledge gained from my brother -whom I had just lost. Oh, the slow advancement, the insufficient pay, -the spirit of jealousy and tyranny...! - -He made a speech for the prosecution. The greatest part of the army was -a mass of laziness, lies, and intrigue. There were two ways of rising -from the ranks: the military school, where hard work did not succeed -except when combined with push (except in regard to successes with the -fair sex), and the Colonies. He had got himself sent to the Soudan, -as an ambitious young subaltern, but at the end of a few months his -liver had become inflamed. Weeks of fever, and a long martyrdom at the -hospital at Brazzaville had followed, and he had finally been sent back -to France with the advice never to set foot in Africa again. It had -meant that his life was wrecked--that he must grow old in the dreary -atmosphere of little garrison towns. - -His tone grew still more bitter when he described the utter boredom, -the flat distractions, the lack of any intellectual milieu, and beyond -that the moral subjection, the physical over-work. The machine was worn -out before its time, one became fit for nothing. - -I could not help asking him: - -"Why ... can't you clear out in time?" - -"Why? Because when once you're in it, you stay there. Made a captain -after fifteen years' service, I waited ten more for--can you guess -what? A trumpery bit of rubbish, the military cross!" - -He continued: - -"When I retired, I was used up, done! The time for aspiring to -something higher was past, or at all events for the realisation of it. -I was made a tax-collector. That was all that was left for me!" - -Yes, theirs was an odd fate, I thought, the peace-time soldiers, who -come out and mature, acquire lace and age, and end by disappearing -without having realised that for which they imagined they were born. - -I said in order to console him: - -"But since you're fighting to-day...." - -He drew himself up: - -"Exactly. To-day I'm fighting. I am taking risks, I obey and command; -I am, in fact, of some use. At my age, if I had been in the reserve, -they'd have left me at the depot!" - -He tossed his head. - -"It's true. Taking everything into account, I don't think I regret -anything." - -His eyes shone. - -Of some use! Yes, indeed, this company commander, who had three hundred -men in his charge, and played his part conscientiously, had used and -not abused the power placed in his hands. It was the eternal swing of -the pendulum. Greatness after Servitude! - -He went on with his confidences. - -"You'll laugh at me! The things I was keenest about were the studies -which form the crown of our art--strategy and tactics. To handle masses -of men, and face those many-sided problems--the offensive, the pursuit, -the retreat.... I worked a lot on my own account. There are some -questions on which I don't think ... any one could catch me out." - -He was working himself up. - -Fancy holding the fate of a section in your hands! Or being -commander-in-chief on a day when the victory he has prepared comes to -pass. - -At this point a little irony crept into my thoughts and chilled my -admiration for him. What was to become of all these ambitions of a -company commander in this fine "dug-out" from St. Maixent? The idea -of exploiting his mania occurred to me. I might get some interesting -information out of him.... - -I looked at him. - -"Well, what do you think of the situation at the moment?" - -Did he guess my secret tendency to sarcasm? A struggle seemed to be -going on in him. Mistrust obviously won the day. He would not lay -himself open to ridicule. He treated me to the usual commonplace. We -must hold on, and leave the Russians time to throw all their weight -into the balance. It was a necessity for the Germans to finish us off -quickly. - -"Then you don't think we ought to meet their attack?" - -"That depends!" - -"Well then, do you think our retreat is nearly over?" - -"Ask Joffre!" - -I sounded him: - -"Some people consider that we ought to go and wait for the enemy on the -Loire." - -That was too much for him. He cried: - -"Oh, no, no. That would be absolutely idiotic. I know there was some -talk of it!" - -"How far, then?" - -He hesitated: - -"I hope some day we may be in a position to take the offensive again!" - -I looked up. - -"Yes," I said, "because at the moment...." - -"Well?" - -"What are we doing?" - -He scrutinised my face. - -"Follow up your idea." - -"We are shutting ourselves into a camp." - -"Does that distress you?" - -"I may be a bad judge." - -He twirled his moustache. - -"Really! You too, you too! You look at things like that?" - -I had him--I had led him on to the point from which I knew he would -launch out. - -"If the worst came to the worst, and Paris was stormed, there would -only be one thing for us, the troops collected here, to do. That would -be to stick in the trenches covering the approach to the forts, and be -killed, down to the last man!... For that matter I think they'd be in a -bit of a hole with our army on their flank. But that's not at all the -position. For four days, Dreher, four days you understand, their new -objective has been visible. They are inclining towards the south-east. -They are set on surrounding all our forces in the field. Under these -circumstances, I think--it seems to me--that a decisive movement...." - -This time he threw restraint to the winds. He began by explaining all -he had been able to follow of the operations since the beginning. In -a lump, of course, but how much I valued that first sight I had had -of things as a whole, at a time when I was sighing after light from -the depths of my ignorance. It was in vain that I had instinctively -put myself on guard against the pretensions of an officer in a -subordinate position. I was forced to admire the masterly way in which -he stated the facts, the precision and lucidity of his words, which -would have made of him a remarkable professor of military history. -He summed up for me, in a few words, the action in the North which -until then had been shrouded in a thick mist for me. Our premature -offensive, the strength of the German right under Von Kluck exceeding -all expectations--our English Allies overcome in spite of heroic -efforts--the enemy's wing set in motion and hurled towards Paris by -forced marches which it was impossible to hinder in spite of terrible -sacrifices--our men falling back, fighting day and night, on to the -outskirts of the capital. That was last week's balance sheet. To-day -the enemy had given up the idea of Paris, provisionally and was -applying the new principle: the search for, and the annihilation of, -the hostile armies in the field. It was a far-reaching conception. Just -think of the gigantic forces they had hurled into Lorraine too, which -had just forced us back in a few days from Sarrebourg and Morhange to -the St. Die-Nancy front. It was a colossal enveloping movement. Our -front pierced towards Neufchateau, as the principal German mass fell -back by Chalons--our communications cut, that meant all our forces in -the east, and the whole system of our fortified towns caught at one -haul, three-quarters of our strength destroyed, the war virtually over. - -"Then?" I said panting in spite of myself. - -"We have a chance. Will they know how to make use of it? I believe -so--First of all, our right must hold out. Castelnau is down there, -he is the only man who has held his own. Then you see Von Kluck is -clearly leaving Paris on one side. He does not set much store by the -place, only sees it in the stake of victory. That is perhaps a mistake, -perhaps _the_ mistake. Perhaps our one object was to get him to make -that mistake!" - -He took a deep breath: - -"Dreher, listen to this! If we were in the camp in force--and why -shouldn't we be?--if we had had time to concentrate several corps -there, a hundred thousand men say, which I believe is the case--if -we threw ourselves on their flank, imprudently uncovered--if at that -precise instant our other armies made headway against them--if Von -Kluck were suddenly to find himself wedged in a vice...." - -The captain pulled up short. Was he afraid of having said too much, of -having ventured too far in his bold inferences? - -He went on: - -"However, they may be tempted to keep us as a last resource." - -But he could not bear this idea, and refuted it himself instantly: - -"No, a thousand times no! A bad calculation. All the forces on the -spot, and at the right moment! That was what was wanted!" - -He interrupted himself again, with beads of perspiration on his -forehead ... and suddenly said in a detached tone of voice: - -"I say that to you, but I know nothing, nothing. The staffs are the -only judges. Are our numbers sufficient? Is our combination assured, -and the enemy's compromised?" - -An aeroplane passed by. The captain raised his arm: - -"Is it that bird that is bringing decisive information?" - -"Or the order to attack?" I murmured. - -He was silent, and I could get no more out of him but idle -generalities, but I read in his eyes, and face his approbation of my -wish, the conformity of our desire. - - - - -CHAPTER XV - -A WORD IN SEASON - - -I was in a state of great excitement when I left him--a mixture of hope -and anguish aroused by the ascendency of his words. They had been so -clear and categorical, too. I could so vividly imagine the movement -of salvation within our reach. The German right, harassed by a dizzy -offensive, no doubt experiencing difficulties in the replenishment -of supplies, after having lightly embarked on this broad movement of -conversion--with us as a living menace on its flank, well supported by -the camp (were our numbers large enough? That was the chief point), -well rested and provided with ammunition ... what a lot of trumps -we should hold in the advantage of taking them by surprise; the -consciousness of the justice of our cause, the strength drawn from -contact with our Mother City. - -I was possessed with the idea that a decision was urgent. Was not this -the day and the hour, even the minute, that historians would designate -to all eternity as that in which our supreme chance of victory occurred? - -My heart was beating madly. I tried in vain to calm myself by the usual -reflections. I could so well picture the alternative being laid before -the governor of Paris. Either to reserve his army in view of the -probable siege, or else to hurl it into the furnace down to the last -battalion. - -It was a formidable initiative. The fate of the country in his hands! -All my being was strained, almost to breaking point, towards the side -of boldness. I would have given ten years of my life that this man's -heart might be well tempered. - -I walked feverishly through the streets wherever chance led me, looking -for someone to talk to. I met De Valpic, but he was exhausted and was -going to rest. - -Guillaumin had been warned for orderly duty at the Town Hall. I went -to see him, but did not get much out of him as he was absorbed in his -duties. It was a sight to warm the heart, this string of inhabitants, -coming, each one of them, to offer to have soldiers billeted on them. - -On leaving there, I went to have a look at my men who were cleaning -themselves up and mending their clothes--a laudable care for their -personal appearance, and a way of passing time. According to the -general opinion, we should be there for some time. - -I continued my walk and extended its area. I came to a vague piece of -ground bordered by a hedge. I distinguished the murmur of voices behind -it, and caught sight of some uniforms. Someone exclaimed: - -"Take care!" - -I showed myself. Then they laughed. - -"Halloa! That you, Dreher?" - -Five or six of my comrades from the fifth battalion were seated there -in a circle, Ladmiraut and Miquel among others; Fortin, too. I was -delighted. It will be remembered that I had not seen him since the -incident at the "Globe." - -I went and sat down beside him and began to talk to him in a cordial -tone. Idiotic, the fuss that had been made! Did they still continue to -worry him? - -"Not a bit." - -He spoke rather coldly. Miquel intervened. - -"Rather not! He's in my platoon. I let him off the troublesome -fatigues." - -The conversation seemed to be hanging fire. I asked: - -"What were you talking about when I arrived?" - -"Oh, nothing much--nothing at all interesting. You got any news?" - -I was stupidly inspired to tell them of little Fremont's death. - -"Poor boy!" sighed Laraque. - -"Whose turn is it now?" Fortin remarked. - -Silence fell again. I said: - -"You don't seem very enthusiastic here." - -"Not much reason to be." - -"Oh, come!" - -Fortin gave a start, but his neighbour nudged him, saying: - -"That your opinion?" - -There were smiles. My reputation as a scoffer was indeed well -established. Fortin, without addressing me in particular, murmured: - -"I wonder if there are still any optimists left?" - -"Of course," I said. "Myself for one." - -He gazed at me, refusing to take me seriously; then said, in a tired -voice: - -"I am stating results. The war has been going on for just five weeks -and where have we got to? We've been beaten everywhere and thrown back -on our final redoubt. The amount that was said about defending the -least particle of ground foot by foot, till the last extremity! The -extremity has soon come. Let's establish the balance: Lille, Arras, -Amiens, Beauvais, St. Quentin, Mezieres, Rheims--by this time probably -Meaux and Chalons; possibly Nancy! A quarter of France invaded. No, I -tell you, there's nothing to be done. They were ready; that's all. They -knew what they wanted." - -I interrupted him, quivering all over. It was my turn now to copy -Guillaumin. - -"Then, according to you, everything is lost?" - -"Oh," he said, "the men are first rate. There's nothing lost by -admitting that. They will probably hold out to the end, in face of all -hope, for honour's sake." - -"And you'll be one of the first to do so," said Miquel. - -"Just like everyone else. It's in our blood. I see our line of -resistance on the Loire, then on the Garonne. The wretched government -will have to move house again." - -"How you run on! And Paris?" - -"It's lucky they didn't bear straight down on it. They'd be entering it -at this very moment." - -"Perhaps they had some reason...." - -"Bah!" - -"All our armies on their flank." - -"Our poor armies! A lot there is left of them!" - -"Really? Look at our regiment. Is it at full strength? Have its numbers -been made up to what they were at the start? Yes. Well, it's the same -thing everywhere. All the depots have supplied men. As we fell back -we recuperated our reserves while, as long as their communications -go on extending, their front loses in density. They are no longer so -immensely superior to us in numbers as they were at the beginning, -and their movements are anything but free. Maubeuge was not taken -yesterday." - -"But it will be to-day." - -"One day gained." - -"Oh, yes! That's a good joke, that idea about holding out." - -"Holding out, exactly. We've got to the thirty-fifth day of war. -According to the German plans, we were to be annihilated by that date. -Are we? No. There are all kinds of things lacking." - -"All kinds?" Fortin said ironically. - -"Our line is not broken anywhere; we have only wheeled. You spoke of -Nancy just now. They'd better come and take it from Castelnau! Do you -really want to know what I think? I think they're the ones that are in -the soup." - -A buzz of scepticism greeted my declaration. I continued: - -"First of all, here they are forced to take how many?--three or four -army corps back to the East." - -"To the East? Why?" - -"Against the Russians." - -"Where did you get hold of that idea?" - -"In the papers." - -"Are they to be had?" - -"If you look for them." - -I shook them. - -"You're not curious! You know nothing, then? Not even you, Fortin? -Really? Nothing of our Allies' successes?" - -He raised himself. - -"But look here, are these tales serious?" - -"What d'you mean? Their advance exceeds all expectations." - -I summed up the triple Slav offensive in Prussia, Galicia, and Bosnia. - -They seemed to doubt my statements. I abruptly pulled a newspaper -out of my pocket, spread it out, and read out the headlines of the -articles. I called their attention to the illustration, a mighty -Cossack pointing his lance at Berlin. - -They pressed round me, crushing me, their hands seizing the paper and -their eyes devouring the contents. When their first thirst was allayed -I continued in the most serious tone: - -"There's a first motive for confidence. For the second?... But you've -only got to look at these Sunday crowds. Talk to them and you'll soon -see. We are seeing Paris at her most noble aspect. Don't you realise -that we are living through the most glorious days in our history? -For the first time we have avoided weakening ourselves by political -convulsions in the face of danger. That will save us, simply." - -Some of them nodded in approval. Fortin tried to weaken the impression -I had made. - -"The papers say what they choose." - -I attacked him. - -"And what about you--what are your statements based on?" - -"I should be only too glad," he protested, "to see things take a turn -for the better." - -"No, you don't wish for our success," I cried. "Or at least not -ardently enough. You are the victim of your standpoint. For months -now you have been repeating in your lectures and articles that you -know Germany inside out; that she is powerful and irresistible; that -the future of Europe lies with her while we merely represent a past -about to vanish. Ever since the beginning of the campaign you've -been waiting, with bowed head, for your prophecies to be fulfilled. -I can imagine you warning your companions that 'that will not last,' -whenever any good news arrives, and saying, 'I told you so!' at each -setback. And if you regret it as a Frenchman, which is quite possible, -it's quite obvious that as a philosophical witness you unconsciously -rejoice. You misrepresent the reality. Your vision is warped. You -immediately look at the worst side when endless possibilities are -open to you. Do you wonder that the future looks black to you in such -circumstances? But the most annoying part is that you demoralise those -around you. I implore you to make an effort. Try to be impartial and -honest. Consider all the signs in our favour to-day." - -I continued. I was speaking quickly, overcoming the obscure -embarrassment which usually paralyses me, when it is a question of -holding the attention of an audience. I let my conviction burst forth. -I poured out the arguments I had collected in an imperious flood. By -expressing them I discovered in them fresh truth and amplitude. Far -from becoming involved and detracting from each other, they grouped -themselves into harmonious chains. - -I extolled the morale of the troops; that morale at which we all -expressed ourselves surprised, and Fortin most of all. Surprised? Why -not say exalted? Behind us the nation gave proof of its indomitable -spirit. I laid stress upon the superiority of our generals; the young -blood introduced in high places, the incapables placed on the retired -list; and the prodigious problem represented in a retreat of those -dimensions when the whole line must keep in touch, and never cease for -an instant to harass the enemy. - -I suddenly shifted my ground, and reverted to the international -situation which I ventured to depict in broad and summary terms. -The Triple Alliance disintegrated. Austria beaten and occupied in -decimating her Tchek troops. Italy, non-committal, had perhaps already -made up her mind to intervene, but on our side to save her children -in the Trentino, and in Trieste; the Balkans, waiting silently in the -darkness, like a bird of prey, for the death rattle of the first to -be conquered, to claim a share of the carcass. Turkey keeping at a -respectful distance. On our side the Russian giant only inaugurating -the effort which he was capable of increasing for months and years. -The English contributing their incontestable mastery of the seas, -the omnipotence of their gold, the land forces fed by their insular -and colonial reservoirs. Belgium and Serbia, little nations with -unquenchable spirits--yonder on the other surface of the globe, the -Land of the Rising Sun throwing its weight into the balance. The world, -in fact, in coalition against the insolent race which aimed at hegemony -without in any way justifying it. - -At first they had listened to me with a smile as if it were an -excellent joke. Little by little the incredulous curl to their lips -died away. Fortin repeatedly punctuated my remarks with "Exactly, -exactly!" - -A last allusion on Laraque's part to my reputation for "having people -on" fell flat. - -I gaily ventured on new developments. I lost sight of myself. I became -really inspired. It intoxicated me to attain to such unlooked-for -ardour. I do not remember quite what I said. I know that my comrades, -with half-opened lips and eyes fixed on mine, hung on my words, and -that for the first time in my life I endured all these gazes bent on me -without false shame. - -Our side was that of Justice, of international fidelity, and respect -for treaties, of Morality, written or unwritten. I was not afraid of -bringing up these popular commonplaces, and I clearly dissociated our -cause, even from that of the Allies. We were the only nation with -completely unsullied hands, and peace-loving hearts. We were the only -ones who, drawn into the struggle against our will, in bearing the -heaviest burden, were fighting for our very existence. I asked them to -think what the French mind meant to the world, what would be missing in -the progress of humanity in the future if we let ourselves be overcome. -We were not only defending our immediate interests, but a certain -smiling Reason, a certain completed and definite genius whose secret -to-day we alone possessed. It was a decisive conflict. Fortin was right -about that. If we were conquered again this time, we should always be. -It would mean that our name would be scratched off the list of leading -nations, our colonies sacrificed, three or four provinces torn from our -Mother-country, who in future would fall a prey, every ten years, to -the appetites of the conqueror. - -The end of France was what the aggressors wanted. To extinguish this -blazing hearth of liberty and light, to smother this ringing voice -continually calling the nations to the realisation of themselves, and -to those in power to respect the down-trodden. - -Ah, my friends, what an hour it was to strain our faculties, to -prove ourselves worthy of our humbler brothers who were showing -such self-sacrifice and instinctive heroism! We others ought to be -strengthened by our education. I dared to plead the memories of the -soil which bore us. I evoked the rolling uplands of Champagne where we -had lingered yesterday and where we might return again, summoned by the -melancholy accents of the guns. How many battles had been fought and -won there by men of our blood! They were the Catalonian fields, where, -at the dawn of our history, the hordes of barbarians already issuing -from Germany had spent themselves against the vigour of the Gauls, -the allies of Aetius. And was it not just a few miles away, on the -hills and in the valleys which to-morrow's prodigious engagement would -perhaps gain for the enemy, that the astonishing episodes in the French -campaign had been enacted, a hundred years ago! Champaubert, Sesanne, -Montmirail, and again Meaux and Moret. It was there that our fathers, -children of sixteen, the last class eligible for mobilisation, had held -out for weeks, flying from one valley to another, inflicting defeat -after defeat on an enemy five times more numerous, on the European -coalition! And we, after a long peace, well-taught, well-led, animated -with the breath of civism--should we not find a way to hurl back over -our frontiers the enemy whom Napoleon had trodden under his heel? - -I was afraid to end up with a high-flown tirade. I uttered my closing -sentences in a softer voice, as if out of breath. I was still quivering -and, with my eyes on the ground, I threw some pebbles from one hand to -the other, backwards and forwards. - -There was a silence. Laraque broke it with a joke. "An aeroplane!" -he announced. And it was a hawk! Other frivolous remarks followed. -Suddenly chilled, I asked myself whether my words had missed fire. - -I had no more fear about it a moment afterwards, as we went back to -billets--slight, striking indications--they all had more life in their -movements, something firmer in their tones. - -Fortin had murmured: "I think Dreher's right." - -We were just about to disperse near our school, when some cavalry -turned out of a side street. We saluted the officer at their head, a -colonel. He urged his mount towards us: - -"Hi, there, you foot-sloggers, read that!" - -He held out a paper, which Fortin handed to me without a word. - -Why me? I hesitated about unfolding it. The others shouted: "Yes, yes, -give it to Dreher, that's it!" - -I felt as if I were in a dream. At the first glance I understood. A -proclamation signed "Joffre." - -I said: "Call the others!" - -The signal had already been given. A torrent of men flowed in from -all the different companies. There was a bench just by. I got up on -to it. From there I dominated the crowd which was gathering round me -in increasing numbers. Soon half the regiment was there, and some -passers-by joined on. There were shouts of: "Listen! Listen!" Then a -dead silence. - -I began to read, subconsciously approving the way in which I raised my -voice and scanned each syllable. It was the famous order of the day, -which has so often been reproduced since then. - -"At the moment in which a battle is beginning upon which the fate of -the nation hangs.... Troops which can no longer advance must be killed -where they stand rather than give ground." - -Not a syllable escaped me. Not a soul asked for it to be read again. -A ripple ran over this dumb throng. I jumped to the ground, and got -lost in the crush. What intuition urged me to make a dash for our -billets? Hardly had I crossed the threshold--how quickly things -happened!--before a whistle was blown. - -Humel, who was corporal of the day, ran by like a flash. "Come along! -On with your pack!" - -"Are we off again?" - -"That's it!" - -Guillaumin appeared. - -"Off we go!" - -De Valpic was the next to turn up: "You read that splendidly!" - -I soon noticed a sort of irresolution among the men, due to surprise -more than anything else. Start again! When they thought they were going -to have several days' rest! And they had felt so sure that there would -be no more fighting in the open for them! - -Some of them had instinctively gathered round me: Judsi, Bouillon, -Corporal Bouguet, Icard, and Gaudereaux. They were puzzled, too, but -only asked to have things explained. They asked me about the paper that -I had read out. Several of them had not been there. - -"We'll have it again for you!" - -This time I choked with emotion at the last lines. I added: - -"Look here! The Bosches think we're not worth taking into account. -They think we're safely shut up in the camp. We're going to fall upon -them in the rear!" - -Their faces suddenly cleared. - -"Good biz!" said Judsi. "Wot a lark! Lor', the blighters! Wot a biff -we'll give 'em!" - -It was like a fuse followed by an explosion of gaiety. Some of the men -were already buckling on their packs, and others pulling on their boots -and doing them up. Bouguet began to sing at the top of his voice: - - We don't care a blow! - Tra-la-la-la. - We don't care a blow! - -Lamalou spoilt his effect. - -"Wot do you mean, 'don't care a blow'?" - -They went on getting ready to a chorus of jests. They might have been -starting off for a holiday. - -Directly I was fully equipped, I went out and was one of the first -to get into the avenue. I could not master the transport which swept -me off my feet, at the thought of going into action. Of taking the -offensive again! The captain must have second sight--and the time was -not past. Our chance was intact, indeed, increased. Heavens! All that I -had hoped for was coming to pass. Let me confess my vanity, my childish -simplicity. I was actually under the delusion that if our luck was -turning, it was my reward, for having drawn myself out of the pit to -help others. - -And was I so very much mistaken? Was I not responsible for a small -share in this immortal decision? Would our leaders have taken such -a risk--it was a bold move!--if those waves of faith and enthusiasm, -which a few of us had raised, had not spread from our watchful quarters -right away to them? - - - - -_BOOK IX_ - -_September 7th-9th_ - - - - -CHAPTER XVI - -FINAL ANTICIPATION - - -We started that evening from Rosny-sous-Bois, and spent part of the -night in the train, slipping along at an indolent pace. We had not the -least idea where we were being taken to. During the last hour, the -rumble of the guns began to make itself heard. We were rolling slowly -towards it. - -The day was breaking when we got out of the truck. A lot of men had -dozed, and had puffy faces, and dirty tongues. - -There was a persistent rumour that if we stopped in the open country, -it meant that the line was cut. There was a station not far off; -Ducostal bicycled to it and told us when he came back that it was -Nanteuil-le-Haudoin. - -The colonel held a consultation with his officers. - -Henriot was rather pale when he reappeared. He took me aside and told -me in confidence that they had just been introduced to a regulation -concerning them. All commanders of units whose men showed signs of -faltering "would be held personally responsible." - -He sounded me. - -"Do you think that means that we should--be shot?" - -"Exactly! You're lucky to have a platoon like ours!" - -"That's true," he said, regaining his self-possession. - -I added: "While the first--for instance!" - -"Well, well?" - -I stopped, and did not give him my reasons. - -Playoust had left us, when we started from Neuilly. Surprised by the -sudden order transferring him to the ammunition train, he swaggered -as he went off. What an escape! He was sure to get through all right -now! We had not had the courage to refuse to shake hands with him. Only -Guillaumin had warned him: - -"Don't you keep us short of ammunition, or you'll hear about it!" - -The troop train which had brought us shunted and made way for the next -one which disgorged the fifth battalion. The same thing was going on in -front of us and behind us. We must be detraining in force, the whole -division apparently. - -It was about six o'clock when we started off again towards the village -lying about a mile and a half away. The guns boomed incessantly behind -the rising ground near by. It was only a few hours since Nanteuil had -been evacuated by the enemy. I expected the same vision of destruction -and smoking ruins which had appalled us so many times near the Meuse. -No. The houses were standing and intact; but they had certainly taken -their share of plunder. I can recall a grocery shop which had been -ransacked. The contents of sacks, drawers, boxes, and bottles, too, -formed a swamp on the tiles, into which the shop-woman, when she left -her counter--I am not exaggerating--sank up to her waist. - -A foul smell hung about. We had not been spoilt, as may be imagined, -in the way of odours, since the beginning of the campaign. Nothing -had come anywhere near this, however. The Bosches had left their -nauseous traces when they went. It was the same thing everywhere--a -manifestation of their _Kultur_! - -The rare inhabitants who had stayed, not more than a hundred all told, -who greeted us on the pavements, had only one expression for them, -which they repeated between their cheers: - -"Ah, the swine!" - -We halted for a short time at the entrance to a square. Kind women -brought us wine (goodness knows how they had managed to keep it), and -other people took us to their homes with them. - -I let myself be persuaded, but soon came back, sickened. The state of -filth in which the Huns had left these houses was totally indescribable -in polite language. It made me feel extremely ill--the hogs!--but our -_poilus_ were more inclined to laugh. - -For all that no great crimes seemed to have been committed. One matron -holding a little boy of five by the hand was shrieking that one of the -brigands had held the barrel of his revolver to his temple. But judging -by the round and rosy appearance of the kid, a stupid-looking child, -not much harm had been done. - -We started off again. Another old dame hobbled after us with a tale of -some terrible tragedy. They'd had the cheek to commandeer her donkey, -and to make it work all day; the poor animal was simply worn out! They -harnessed it to a furniture van! And then in the evening--to end up -with--they had shot, skinned, and roasted it! - -Judsi thought it all a farce, and laughed in the old woman's face: - -"A relation of yours, was it?" - -She fell behind, in a fury, calling us good-for-nothings. - -We followed a paved street, then a cross-road, till we came to a wood. -We went into it and piled arms. - -I sat down with my back against a tree, while Guillaumin and the -subaltern went off into the thicket. De Valpic came and joined me: - -"I believe things will go all right this time," he said. - -I repeated my conversation with the captain. Jove, the man's powers of -divination could not be exaggerated, but he might be mistaken in---- - -"The miracle of this war is at hand," De Valpic continued. "I'm -convinced of it." His eyes shone. He murmured: "You'll see it--you'll -see it all right." - -"And why not you?" - -He shook his head. "No. I--I shall stay there." - -"Nonsense!" I upbraided him. What was this childishness? He was no more -exposed than I was, or any of us for that matter! Why give up hope like -this? - -He stopped me. "Just think a minute. Isn't it the best thing that could -happen to me?" - -"Got as far as that?" - -"How do you mean 'as far as that'?" - -He had a fit of coughing which brought colour into his cheeks and tears -into his eyes. "When one has--faith!" he said, "it is less horrible--in -fact it is not horrible. What about you, Dreher? Have you never been a -believer?" he asked. - -"Yes," I said. "My mother was very religious. I was brought up in those -ideas. I remember that at my confirmation my one wish, just think of -it, was to become a priest or missionary. I kept on going to mass and -that sort of thing for some years; but since then--no, that's all over. -But I can quite understand people believing." - -De Valpic shook his head. "How can unbelievers bear the idea of death?" - -"There's nothing to be done but fly from it." - -"Impossible!" He lowered his voice. "For me, for instance----!" - -I did not know what to say. - -He continued: "Of course if one thought of death as annihilation in -the dark, if one thought that nothing, nothing would survive of this -substance, that one was--Ah! How dream of that without terror! I can -understand shutting one's eyes to it then. And, on the other hand, -it seems to me that to live without thinking of death, and without -thinking of it often, is to blind oneself, to renounce all broad and -free judgment. How well religion provides for all that! What courage -it gives to the dying, as well as to the living! And is not all wisdom -resumed in this: to give courage to man?--I was talking to you of my -fiancee yesterday; she believes. Otherwise would she have continued -to be engaged to me when she knew I was ill, and would she have let -me go, expecting that I should not come back?" He smiled. "I don't -want to preach to you, Dreher, but as you once were one of us, let me -remind you that the God in whom we hope is just. Because our people's -hope, throughout the ages, has been in Him; because our nation has -been the elder daughter of His Church, I believe that His hand is -upon us. Will He allow us to succumb? No. Listen! This miracle I was -talking about--at heart you expect it just as I do--if I have entire -confidence in it, it is because I believe in the existence of an order -superior to man; in a Providence, if you will, that will not allow the -accomplishment of such iniquity. Our country will be saved because -she will deserve to go on living. How good it is to fight, when one -does not feel that one is fighting amidst the cold concatenation of -phenomena, but in the conviction that a supreme tutelary force upholds -and directs our efforts." - -I considered him as he sat there with his chin in his hands and black -lines under his eyes. So he had been through the deep waters at the -beginning, when he had had to tear himself away from the hope of human -happiness. Now he was resigned to it. He was not lying when he said -that he looked forward to his certain end, which was so near at hand, -without horror. His glorious smile retained confidence in the future -beyond the grave. It was only a relative end, a transition whose -anguish was attenuated since he was sure of living again with those -whom he loved. - -Oh, the consolation in religion! This association of well-worn words -recovered its full meaning in my eyes. Nothing but faith could raise -man to such abnegation. The profound and primitive instinct, an -instinct comparable to love in its folly and grandeur! - -I was tempted, for a moment, to admit that that also was being reborn -in me. And then, no--no! I assured myself that I had been separated -from it beyond return, by my reading and speculations. This past -would never blossom again. At least I recalled the memory of it -with tenderness. For a long time I had thought myself rallied to the -quizzical scepticism of Laquarriere and his like. How many ties still -bound me to the unsophisticated child that I had been. I would have -the sons that Jeannine gave me brought up in the lap of Catholicism, -too. Neither their mother nor I would take any steps to convert them to -pitiless reason too soon. Like us they might, later on, be led away by -the trend of modern thought and forsake religion, but their stay in its -realm would leave them like me with respect for the Illusion reflected -in certain eyes. - -Guillaumin came to tell us that it would not be long before we started, -the regiment next us was on the move. "What a glorious day!" he -exclaimed. - -The eight o'clock sun was slipping through the tracery of the branches -on to the leaves grown rusty at the approach of autumn. The air was -mild and warm. Swarms of midges were flying about. We caught the hum of -mosquitoes' wings, but they did not sting. The men were rolling about -on the moss; our Parisians conjured up the delights of the Bois de -Verrieres. - -We all three went to the edge of the little wood. De Valpic stretched -out his arms and drank in the health-giving air, soaked with light. - -"Ah! How good it is!" he said. "How one lives here! How one -realises--too late--that one was ill-suited for living in towns, that -one would have done better in beautiful country like this!" - -Guillaumin laughed. "A little flat, this country. It's certainly not up -to Argonne!" - -"My dear chap, don't talk like a snob. Just put your prejudices aside -for a moment, and take a look." - -De Valpic playfully made us admire the trees, the play of the sunlight -and the breeze, the immense vista on the right, over a sea of waving -corn, and down below those wooded islets, outposts of the deep forests -which, we knew, dominated the surrounding country. The sweetly named -Ile de France, the land of plenty and of poetry--the most pleasant -climate in the world. Senlis and Compiegne, a few miles away--Jean -Jacques' Ermenonville gracious legends spring from this soil. Not far -off Gerard de Nerval had sung of Sylvia. - -His playfulness was not assumed. We listened to him captivated. I -tasted in his conversation a sort of funereal charm. I felt as if I -were listening to Socrates conversing with his disciples as he drank -the hemlock. - -The air was filled with whirring sounds. We had a vivid and fleeting -vision of two aeroplanes, a French one and a Taube, passing over our -heads, struggling for height and speed, engaged in a duel to the death, -both of them armed with machine-guns which crackled under the open sky. - -They were just on the point of vanishing when suddenly the German one -dipped. The pilot was no doubt hit. The wings folded and it dropped -like a stone. - -"A good omen!" Guillaumin exclaimed. - -Twenty minutes afterwards we started. - - - - -CHAPTER XVII - -WE TAKE UP OUR POSITION - - -A magnificently monotonous memory, our march that day. It lasted from -nine o'clock in the morning until six o'clock at night. Its scene was a -vast tableland, completely exposed, fields of beetroot alternating with -fields of corn and oats. The harvest had been got in nearly everywhere. -There were groups of stacks by the roadside. - -Directly we came out of the woods, we were marked by the hostile -artillery. Their object was to stop us at any price by their _tirs -de barrage_. The rumbling went on all day without a pause. It is -impossible to give any idea of the horror of it. By midday, everyone of -us was deaf. - -The diabolical jaws of the horizon! Big and little German guns were -talking. Our 75's retorted--rather feebly, it is true. The distance -must have been too great, and apparently did not silence a single one -of the enemy's batteries. - -This plain was a hell, a hell: iron and fire, every imaginable peril, -a conspiracy of the elements. To begin with, there was a continuous -flight of Teuton aeroplanes above our heads, dropping bombs of -different kinds, which fell with a muffled sound. The din of the big -"coal-boxes," the shriek of the 77's, the thunder-clap of explosions, -and the columns of tainted smoke staking out the ground. - -Our regiment went on advancing; so did one on our right and one on our -left, and others farther away. Our soldiers were swarming as far as eye -could see, a calm and regular deployment. We marched for a long time by -platoons, in columns of four; then by platoons two deep; and at last in -skirmishing order; each officer, each N.C.O., each connecting file in -his place. The silence and impeccable order were in striking contrast -with the blind fury of the projectiles. Mind against matter. - -All our men had realised the solemnity of the task. Three quarters -of them were experienced heroes, who had already fought ten times; -the rest were raised to the same moral level by virtue of their -surroundings. There could be nothing more impressive than this -sustained and irresistible advance, under shell fire, of thousands and -thousands of men who never fired a single shot. - -By a miracle, our casualties, on the whole, were not very severe. -What unflagging inspiration was shown by our leaders of all ranks! -Imperceptible, serpentine movements protected each unit in turn from -the mortal line of fire. How many times did we see a broadside of four -"coal-boxes" fall just where we had been hardly thirty seconds before, -or else where we would have been but for a fortunate zigzag! What -hazard protected us? I protest that one was tempted to bow before a -Providence, like De Valpic. The men betrayed this feeling, murmuring: - -"We are blessed!" - -We advanced at the double, lay down and got up again, just as at -manoeuvres. What am I saying? Better than that. We kept our intervals -and direction with incredible exactitude. There was not a straggler -or funk among us. All honour to these proud troops, these splendid -soldiers! They are dead--dead, nearly all of them. They appeared to -feel, in the vague intuition of their flesh, in the vibration of the -nourishing air, that their end, even if they survived to-morrow's -sanguinary triumph, was inscribed on the pages of the disastrous winter -or the fatal spring to come. There was no sadness or despair, but -something indescribably resigned and shy crept into their gait. Joking -was out of date. Judsi himself had put a damper on his animation. We -kept on and gained ground. At one point--the wonders could not be -repeated indefinitely--a single _rafale_ on our left mowed down about -forty men. We did not slacken our pace--hardly turned our heads. - -We went on in a rising tide, and I thought how the sight of this -inexorable multitude rolling towards them, like God's judgment, must -strike terror into the hearts of the enemy's gunners. - - * * * * * - -At the end of the day we neared a wood. I was very much afraid lest -the hostile infantry might be hidden there, watching for us. Those -barricades of trees looked most suspicious. Our reconnoitring patrol -went on ahead of us. I trembled for their safety. The rest of us lay -down and waited in an agony of fear. Not a shot was fired. What a -relief it was when the wood turned out to be unoccupied--by living men, -at all events. - -When we, in our turn, penetrated into it, we found it strewn with dead -bodies. What a struggle must have raged there during the last few -days! There was not much undergrowth, which made it propitious for -hand-to-hand fighting. The scene was re-enacted in my mind. The Bosches -about to continue their defensive organisation, surprised by the attack -of the rifle brigade--our dead bore this uniform. The furious onslaught -with the sword. We had driven them back at the point of the bayonet and -massacred them wholesale. In advancing, we came upon heaps of Germans. -We had lost a great many men, too, but they had cleared the way for -us. We were duly grateful to them and the men stepped carefully and -reverently over their remains as they advanced in single file. - -"Pore old chaps!" sighed Icard. "You're havin' a rest now and it's our -turn to do the swottin'." - -Evening was falling. We had not gone more than three hundred yards -after leaving the wood, when we halted. We were warned to make the best -of the position. A certain sector was allotted to us, and we were told -that we must hold it all the next day. Hold it only? Guillaumin looked -at me and pulled a face. What we wanted to do was to get on. The Big -Push was what we were out for. He urged me to question the captain -on the situation, as I was on such good terms with him. I refused. A -little occurrence which had taken place that morning was still rankling -in my mind. I had thought I might be permitted to ask our company -commander whether the enemy was far off. Ribet had heard me all right, -but had not deigned to answer. He had looked through me as if I did not -exist, and then called his orderly. That meant--what? Simply that the -captain intended to be familiar only when it suited him. I had been -annoyed and offended. I should let him make the advances, next time! - -The lieutenant seemed embarrassed by the task entrusted to him. As we -were occupying the edge of a wood the temptation was great to make use -of the resources at hand--the trees for instance. Henriot bustled about -and had the saws got out; then asked me whether there was not some way -of getting hold of some petard of melinite to put round the big trunks. -He spoke too loudly. The _poilus_ snorted when they heard him. Nobody -felt inclined to undertake such a piece of work which would have lasted -all night. And then, we were so certain to leave it all behind when we -charged to-morrow. - -Some time was lost in bandying words. We had been there for half an -hour when the captain came up. - -"Not begun yet?" - -Henriot began to unfold his plan. Ribet cut him short, after the first -words. - -"You're quite off the mark! The edge of a wood! Do you imagine we're -going to settle down at the edge of a wood--a line which is sure -to be especially marked? You wouldn't have a man left. Take two or -three hundred yards in front there. Exactly! And now dig me some good -trenches!" - -"Deep ones, sir?" - -"That's your lookout. You must arrange that. Let your men do the best -they can--and remember that you may be attacked any minute." - -He went on. His tall silhouette disappeared behind the bushes. - -Covered by a new patrol party, we chose a piece of ground of the -length indicated. Night had come. The stars shone out one by one. -The cannonade was diminishing in intensity. The long beams of the -searchlight were probing the dark sky in all directions. - -And now to our task. Guillaumin and I wielded spades ourselves, but the -work did not get on fast, in spite of our efforts to hasten it. The men -were lazy. They had made so many of these trenches in the Meuse and in -Argonne which were never used at all. - -At the end of an hour we had a ditch only a yard wide at the most, and -not deep, allowing just enough room to fire kneeling down. We had to be -content with it. - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII - -THE FIRST IMPACT - - -What made me a little anxious was the need for sleep manifest in nearly -everyone. Sentries were to relieve each other in definite order--but -what guarantee was there? In another hour all these men, who were -yawning now, would be snoring! - -I myself was dying to go to sleep. In view of the gravity of the -situation I encouraged myself in the idea of going the rounds every -hour. But the lieutenant came to find us and told us of his intention -of mounting guard himself. He asked us, in a friendly way, to do the -same on our side. We three between us would ensure the safety of the -sector. - -We must needs bow to necessity. I was tempted to admire Henriot; -he showed the vigilance of a real leader. Then I smiled. It was no -doubt the effect of the minute received that morning concerning -responsibilities. - -What an interminable vigil that was. The men slept like logs, -including, to begin with at all events, several of the sentries. I can -answer for it that I shook them in a way that made them sit up. - -When I got back to the picket I had chosen, I had all I could do to -keep awake myself. A helmet of lead seemed to encircle my temples. -I had a headache and felt overpoweringly drowsy. I dozed off about -midnight, but not for long, luckily! The respite did me good. - -Hour after hour passed by. It was a clear night, though the moon made -only a late appearance. The landscape was lacking in any conspicuous -features. There was nothing that caught one's eye right away to the -horizon, which might be near or far. - -It would not be long before daybreak. We were freezing where we stood. -B-r-r! B-r-r-r! I shook myself and rubbed my shirt against my skin to -warm myself. My attention had wandered. - -Guillaumin suddenly appeared. I had not seen him coming. - -He said to me: - -"Not noticed anything?" - -"No. Have you?" - -"Yes, for the last few minutes.... I think there's something doing." - -We strained our ears for a few thrilling seconds. Dead silence. -Guillaumin admitted that he must have been mistaken, and apologised. -But at this point Bouillon came crawling along in a hurry. - -"Here come the Bosches. Look! Look!" - -Yes. There was a moving line yonder, cutting across the pale grey of -the stubble. - -What orders would the lieutenant give? We went to look for him, quickly -rousing the _poilus_ on our way. They got up, rubbing their eyes, and -noiselessly seized their rifles at the order to stand to arms. - -We met Bouguet on the way, equally on the alert. The whole platoon -was breathless with excitement. We passed word along the line to our -neighbours. - -And what of Henriot? We ended by discovering the poor wretch, who had -probably held out all night against his weariness, overcome by it at -last, and snoring away with his head on his arm. - -Guillaumin shook with laughter. - -"A lot of good all his trouble had been!" - -He wanted to startle him by clapping him on the back. I objected. What -was the good of humiliating him? I arranged to catch him with my elbow -as I brushed past, and deferentially inquired as he moved: - -"Is that what you would advise, sir?" - -"What! What!" he said, opening his eyes. - -"To send word to the captain." - -He raised himself up to listen to us, and approved our suggestions. - -It was like a moving film!... That dark silent line, that line of -assailants at which we turned to look continually, which we imagined -was still a long way off. The speed was suddenly quickened. There was -a sound of galloping--which seemed quite near. I strained my eyes, my -lips opened with a jerk. I took a step forward.... - -Henriot blew his whistle. - -I can still hear the rip of that imperious salvo. A volley of shrieks -answered it from the plain, and dispelled my shudders. - -And the salvo grew more violent and rolled along the whole line of -trenches. We saw nothing further: simply went on firing, sweeping -the ground in front of us. I shouldered my rifle and discharged it -distractedly, just as mad as the others. The crash and uproar rose and -swelled and threatened. - -It did not last more than a minute. The attack was badly carried out, -or, at all events, sustained. It was an entire failure. Our firing -persisted. Cries could still be heard, but of pain now, and also the -interjections of officers rallying their men. There were smothered -moans and death-rattles. Our firing still continued. When it ceased -nothing was moving on the plain and only an occasional guttural groan -could be heard. When the dawn came we saw the stubble-fields strewn -with bodies, some of them less than thirty yards away. They had fallen -face foremost. The rest had been hit in flight. It was impossible to -go and pick up even the dying. They must stay there all day, ghastly -witnesses of the encounter. - - * * * * * - -It was broad daylight now. - -Where had the enemy taken refuge? Probably behind one of those distant -copses, unless they occupied trenches somewhere in this undulating -plain which sloped gently away. - -The German artillery was obviously anxious that we should not forget -its presence. The avalanche of shells started again with terrific fury. -Nothing but big "coal-boxes." Luckily all or nearly all of them roared -over our heads to explode in the woods. Suppose we had stayed there! - -The captain appeared towards seven o'clock and told us that we should -be there for some time. - -One pleasant surprise was the coffee, which was brought up from the -rear by Fachard and Pomot, two cheery fellows who were seen coming -along in the distance, smiling and fearless, gaily swinging their -dixey. They had had to cross the zone of fire to get to us. When -questioned, they admitted that they had had no orders. It was simply an -idea of theirs to warm the lads up a bit. And they meant to go back. -Fachard was no less a personage than the colonel's cook. His duty -called him. Oh no, that couldn't be allowed. Lamalou forbade them to -move. The colonel and his stew would have to look after themselves. -They weren't going to let lads like that get themselves pinked, not -much. - -The captain, who turned up again, began by giving the two cronies a -good slanging. A piece of nonsense that might have drawn the fire on -to us. Then he calmed down and asked if he might taste their famous -coffee, and congratulated them on it. - -Pomot took a fancy to our platoon and stayed with us. I talked to him, -but did not get much out of him at first. The thing that had struck him -most was a shell which had just killed two staff-officers. Oh, yes, -and then he had heard that reinforcements had arrived. An important -piece of news that. I pressed him--then he told me a fantastic tale -which had got about of taxis having brought up Zouaves and Turcos and -Foreign Legion men, all night, nothing but those frightful creatures -from Africa! It seemed to me an unlikely tale, but I thought it worth -spreading all the same. It gave the men a tremendous fillip. - -"Them chaps knows the business end of a bayonet all right w'en they -sees it!" - -Some time passed. I was occupied in getting our trench made deeper. The -men put their backs into it better than they had the day before. But -the captain immediately gave orders to stop the work, not to attract -the attention of the enemy's lookout men. Everyone appeared delighted. -They only bemoaned the fact that they were forbidden to smoke. - -The German shells fell unceasingly, with clumsy, obstinate precision, -a few hundred yards behind us. Part of the wood was on fire and black -smoke hung above it. Sometimes when a shell fell near the edge of the -wood leaves and branches could be seen spurting up, as at the kick of -some huge monster. - -It certainly was a rest for us. The crash of bursting shells no -longer startled us. We had even given up ducking when the projectiles -swished over our heads. The men were sitting or lying about in drowsy -attitudes. Many of them were taking another nap. Aided by a natural -feeling of indolence they ended by taking it for granted that this sort -of fighting would last. - -Another hour went by. I vaguely wished I could take some interest in -the struggle. If only I had had a periscope or some field-glasses. I -was too slack to go and borrow Henriot's. For a moment I experienced a -kind of humiliation--was this all that would be required of us? Should -we share in the glory of this victory without having earned it?--No -one, up till then, doubted that it would be a victory--and leave the -honour of the decisive attacks to those African devils? And then I must -admit that this thought suddenly pleased me. I should get off easily -and my friends too. Everything seemed to be turning out for the best. -And De Valpic? Oh, he would recover. - -Then, lulled by the deafening tumult of the cannonade, with my eyes -half closed, I indulged in visions of a tender face. I wandered, -enchanted, in the golden mists of the future.... - - - - -CHAPTER XIX - -HOLDING OUT - - -I was aroused from these day-dreams by a hullabaloo. The men were on -their feet shouting: "Here they come! Here they come!" - -I tried to impose silence on them: so much waste breath. And I was -infuriated by hearing shots being fired without any orders having been -given. - -I leaned on the parapet, but could see nothing. I shouted: "What in -thunder are you shooting at?" - -At that moment the well-known screeches lashed the air. I flung myself -down. German bullets! - -Bouillon said, below his breath: "The blighters! Their trenches weren't -far off." - -When their volley was over we looked for them. They must have lain -down. I consulted Lamalou: "A thousand yards, do you think?" - -"Eight hundred, not more." - -I gave the men orders to correct their sight. They had all been firing -at four hundred in their surprise. - -A rumour spread that they were coming. - -"Fire! Fire!" - -This time we could see them. Quite a change! Nearly everywhere, at -Tailly, Halles, and Beauclair we had had to fire at random. How often I -had cursed their invisible uniforms! Here, again, this grey line melted -into the ground tint. - -Never mind. Our men fired rapidly and coolly. The others threw -themselves down again and their projectiles forced us to crouch down in -our turn. - -"There are an awful lot of them, the dirty dogs!" Henriot said to me. - -"As many as all that?" - -"Yes. I've been using my field-glasses. And they advance shoulder to -shoulder, looking as if they meant to swamp everything." - -"Oh, well, we're here!" I said. But I glanced at our sparsely covered -line. Had we reserves anywhere! It was to be hoped so, but until -further orders, we had only ourselves to count on. - -The enemy was gaining ground. However, discipline had soon been -established among us. Each time the hostile mass moved, we "loosed off -a belt." Everyone was cool and collected, no more panic like there had -been at Mangiennes. Each _poilu_ was determined to get the most out of -the good Lebel in his hands. - -I went up and down, warning them not to waste ammunition. I watched -Corporal Donnadieu for a few minutes. How would he manage with his -mutilated hand? Well, he used nothing but his left hand to rest his -rifle on. It grazed one of the stumps and forced him to stifle an -exclamation of pain. He did not lose a single second in firing and -recharging in spite of his puckered forehead and clenched teeth. - -"Good for you, old chap," I said. - -He did not answer, but his eyelashes fluttered. - -Our trench lacked depth, the firing-steps were missing--a grave cause -of fatigue. I reproached myself bitterly for our slackness the day -before. If only we had taken the trouble to dig a little bit deeper, -to fetch wood, and arrange loopholes. - -The Bosches manoeuvred skilfully. Some of them crouched down and -facilitated their comrades' advance by firing. Then they took their -turn at advancing while the others protected them. - -There was nothing for us to do but to fire. Fire without ceasing -for an instant, even under a hail of bullets. The men had realised -this sanguinary obligation. There was no need for leadership. It was -splendid to see them, taking aim without hurrying themselves over it, -under the deadly torrent. The casualties began immediately. Trichet was -the first to fall with a hole through his neck. A machine-gun of theirs -had just begun to talk, and things were looking black in other ways. -The shells which, for a long time, had been negligible, now began to -find the range in the most alarming manner. The ground shook. Three men -in No. 2 platoon had their heads taken off at a blow. - -The enemy was drawing nearer, and was not more than about four hundred -yards away now. I confess I was extremely miserable. Another quarter of -an hour and they would be within charging distance. We should have to -meet this human avalanche and we should not be one to their five. - -I almost formed the cowardly wish that we might retire without waiting -any longer. How agonising it was. We should certainly never be strong -enough to withstand them. A wave of irritation rose in me against our -artillery which was incapable of intervening at the right moment, -having been completely annihilated by the heavy German batteries, -and also against the superior military authorities who gave us no -support. And I was paralysed by a sudden fear. We were using a lot -of cartridges. Suppose our supplies were to give out! Playoust would -be sure to be stopping ever so far behind with his waggons. What a -ridiculous idea it had been to entrust him with that work. - -The sight that gave me new strength just as I was feeling inclined to -give way, and on the point of being false to all that I was and wished -to be, was the attitude of the men. I can see them now taking aim and -recharging, with their manly, straightforward, earnest faces. There was -no confusion. They made admirable practise, their rifles leaping to -their shoulders, or falling again in good earnest. What moral strength -they showed! What a genius for resistance! How much their nerve had -improved, and their courage increased during the last four weeks! It -seemed to me that their virtue was, in part, my work, that my attempts -at patient, serene exhortation were bearing their fruit. How grateful I -was to them, my brothers. They were returning my lesson--not to argue, -but to fight. To fulfil one's obscure duty. They were right. After -all if we were to be killed at this spot in accordance with a higher -scheme; if success were only to be won at this price! - -The enemy were no longer making any progress. They had got to the point -after which any further advance under fire is merely an act of heroic -folly. Our losses were not very great--only two killed in the platoon -and four or five wounded, among them Bouguet, who, with a shattered -arm, had distributed his rounds of ammunition, and was standing up -boldly and reporting on the slightest movements of our adversaries. - -The Bosches had been badly cut up. We felt as if we were at a short -practise range. After having fired at the mass as a whole for a long -time we were now choosing our target. I remember a great lout who was -running with large strides ahead of his companions. He got exactly into -my line of fire. It was his destiny. I took aim, but he threw himself -down in the stubble. I was patient enough to keep my rifle pointed at -the spot where he had disappeared--it was a risky thing to do as the -bullets were whistling round me. I waited anxiously for him to get up. -He delayed and delayed. At last he moved. Then I pressed the trigger. -Tac! My shot carried and he fell. - -I shut my eyes, feeling strangely giddy. Yes. After five weeks' -fighting, he was the first victim definitely attributable to me. -Heavens! My inborn gentleness and that of my education were to end in -this--in taking life! I had killed a man. A man with a mother and a -wife. That handsome fellow. I thought of my friends in Thuringia, of -Otto Kraemer, sturdy and gentle. - -"Wake up! What in the world are you thinking of?" said Bouillon, who -was standing beside me. - -I shook myself and took my sight again. It was all part of the war. He -was one of those who had massacred my brother. It was a case of killing -or being killed--him or me! - -For a long time we prevented them from moving. We saw the horde get up -in a flock and dash forward twenty times or more. At the same instant -we met them with our fire, coldly precise. Their leaders, who were -urging them on, were recognisable, not so much by their uniform as by -their movements. Many of them were hit and the ardour of the troops -diminished. They were well-drilled infantry, but they lacked keenness. - -We lost all interest in everything but this narrow strip of ground -swept by our fire. I put down my rifle which had burnt my fingers. The -mechanism had got jammed in several places and I mended it as if in a -dream. - -We did not fire incessantly. There were moments of inaction when I -tried to analyse my feelings in accordance with my old intellectualism. -I came to grief over it. My ideas got blocked, and I gripped the trail -of my Lebel, my one object in existence. One thought alone subsisted in -the void of my brain, and I clung to it. Those men must not be allowed -to take another step in our direction. - - * * * * * - -All notion of time was lost again. I remember that I looked for the sun -in the sky. It was shining a long way from the point at which I had -expected to find it. My wrist watch had stopped, the glass was broken. - -From time to time Guillaumin came to look me up and make some remark -such as "Hot work, what!" - -This time he leant towards me and said something which I could not -quite catch. I got him to repeat it. - -"What?" - -Ah. Now I understood. How many rounds had my men got left? - -"Mine have about fifteen," he said. - -"About the same here, too." - -We looked at each other. I murmured: "And what about the replenishment." - -"Ssh!" - -He put his finger to his lips. As if the men had not noticed the -imminent penury! Several of them had applied to Lamalou for some of his -share. - -Luckily the enemy's fire was weakening equally. Both sides were drawing -breath. The Germans' heavy artillery never paused for an instant. The -explosions of enormous "Jack Johnsons" barked all round us. One of -them, which fell less than twenty yards away, dug a hole of ten feet -and filled part of our trench with the earth it displaced. - -Guillaumin and I threw despairing glances towards the rear. The look of -the wood had changed completely since morning. A wood? There was not a -tree standing! - -Guillaumin grumbled: "If I could get hold of Playoust!" - -I quite agreed. - - - - -CHAPTER XX - -WE ARE NOT DEFEATED - - -How stiff I was. I stretched. Every joint was aching. I started off, -meaning to go all along the bit of line held by the platoon. - -The trench was so narrow that the men had to glue themselves against -the parapet in order to let me pass. I forced myself to give a friendly -word of encouragement to each man. I suddenly bumped into a body. -Gaudereaux! The poor fellow's skull had been crushed like a nut. - -There were wounded men here and there. Bouguet, who had had to give in -and sit down, his face drawn with pain; and Icard, with folded arms, as -plucky as ever, though his shoulder had been ripped up by a splinter of -shrapnel. - -For whom was I looking? I did not realise it until De Valpic hove in -sight. There he was, safe and sound. What a relief! His cap was pushed -back on his forehead, his cheek-bones were purple, and he had a scratch -on his temple which was bleeding. - -He had caught sight of me, and was coming up when I saw Chailleux, our -connecting file, appear behind him. He shouted: - -"Where's the lieutenant?" - -"Any orders?" - -"Yes, we're to fall back." - -"What?" - -"In artillery formation." - -I was disgusted. - -"How absolutely idiotic." - -De Valpic exclaimed in a hoarse voice: - -"We're outflanked on the right." - -The edge of the wood sloped away on that side. - -A sudden squall hurled us all to the ground. We were blinded by soil. -De Valpic was half buried. Two yards from us a man, who was leaning -against the parapet, reeled, but remained standing on his feet. -Horrors! His head was severed as if by the blow of an axe, just above -the contorted mouth. De Valpic who had freed himself, and was none the -worse, except for feeling somewhat dazed, could not bear the sight of -it. He tottered, and his eyes were dimmed. I went to his help, but he -recovered himself immediately. - -"Carry on, carry on," he murmured. "You're needed over there." - -I went back and found Henriot feverishly repeating: - -"Now, don't let's lose our heads." - -"It's a good job we're going to hook it," Guillaumin said to me. "We're -about done." - -It was quite true. There were nothing but bewildered, dazed-looking -men all round, with strained and haggard faces and trembling hands. -They would not have counted for much against a resolute onslaught. The -enemy, cautious and practical, seemed as busy as possible digging new -trenches two hundred yards away from us. - -I looked blankly at Guillaumin: - -"What do you think? Are we done for?" - -He began to chaff me. - -"Could we ever be done for?" - -The quartermaster-sergeant came round, with two of the men. All three -were smilingly handing round their caps, collecting: - -"Please help the poor." - -What did they want? Ammunition? Yes, a few extra rounds for the platoon -which was to stay and cover the retreat. - -I started. So some men were to be sacrificed. I put on a detached tone: - -"Which platoon has been warned for the job?" - -"They drew lots," he said. "It's to be Delafosse's." - -No. 1. I hurried along to them, feeling that I could not go without -shaking Humel by the hand. He was touched by it. - -"It means hell for us," he said. "But mind you fellows get off all -right." - -The men accepted their lot without keenness or bitterness. Descroix was -standing a few yards away. I took a step towards him. - -"Good luck, Descroix." - -"Like to change places?" he snapped, in a fury. - -I felt certain that he was going to be killed, and I was sorry that his -last hour should not see his mind ennobled. - - * * * * * - -I dreaded this withdrawal. It always means more casualties than -anything else. - -At a pre-arranged signal, we all leapt out of the trench together, and -bolted at the double, bending down as low as possible. Bullets whistled -past our ears, but No. 1 platoon retorted vigorously, and the enemy, as -I have already said, seemed equally short of ammunition. - -By a lucky coincidence, the fury of the artillery had diminished. We -reached the wood without losses. - -Arrived there, the difficulty was to slip through this inextricable -tangle of leafy branches and jagged tree-trunks. Everything was -splintered and hacked, and struck one as being the work of drunken -woodcutters. - -We had to climb and hoist ourselves up and slither down the other side, -and cut our way through. Our accoutrements caught into everything, -and the rifles impeded our progress. I bruised my leg badly against -a treacherous stake. We nearly lost our way, having had to make a -large circuit in order to avoid a lot of big trees which were still -smouldering. An acrid smoke followed us, with which there was mingled -a vaguely putrid stench. Under the piles of foliage, hundreds of dead -bodies were lying, which had been in a state of decomposition for four -days. - -My great object was to avoid getting separated from my men. I shouted -to them continually, and they followed as best they could. Some of the -wounded, Bouguet among them, dragged themselves along heroically. - -Suddenly, as I was balancing myself on a huge fallen oak, there -was a spurt of flame, and a deafening report. I was flung into the -under-wood. I got up at once, and, directly the smoke began to clear -away, looked round for the lieutenant. I had a terrible feeling that he -was pulverised. - -No, I soon discovered him, stretched under some bracken. He was -motionless. I bent over him and saw that his eyes were open and full of -tears. - -"Hit?" I said. - -He stammered: "Yes. The th-thigh. I'm--done for." - -I looked. There was a large tear in his trouser, and underneath I -caught a glimpse of--such a mess! - -I made a movement as if to look for his field dressing. Pink froth -appeared on his lips: - -"Not--w-worth it," he stuttered. - -"Is there anything I can do for you?" - -I should have liked to pick him up in my arms and carry him away, poor -Henriot. - -He made an attempt to unbutton his tunic. I helped him. He nodded -approval. I think he wanted to get hold of some photograph or -letter--the tradition of the dying soldier, whose eternal nobility -moved me. - -His strength forsook him. - -Of my own accord, I fumbled in his pocket, took his letter-case and -held it out to him. He half-opened his eyes again, and raised himself. -His lips moved. His eyelashes fluttered. He took a breath and fell -back. I did not know whether he was dead, or had only fainted. - -Another shell burst just by. Something struck my cheek. I put my hand -up. There was blood on it. But it was only a fir-cone which had been -flung down. - -I turned towards Henriot again. Our men were scattered in the distance. -It was impossible to call any one back, and equally impossible to carry -him without help. He and I were alone, face to face. What was it he had -wished to confide in me? This incomplete scene was becoming tragically -mysterious. - -"Good-bye, good-bye," I murmured, perhaps to a dead man. - -I took the letter case with me, and stumbling beneath the weight of my -pack, plunged into the thicket in pursuit of my companions. - - * * * * * - -I did not catch them up until I got to the other side of the wood. -Guillaumin was looking out for me! - -"What's become of Henriot?" - -"Gone west, I think. A 'Jack Johnson.'" - -"Poor fellow!" - -And then: - -"You'll take command of the platoon?" - -I hesitated: - -"Why not you?" - -"You're the senior." - -As a matter of fact, I had come out a few places above him at the end -of our time at the "Peloton." - -There was an agitated fusillade behind us, increasing in -intensity--Delafosse's platoon at work. - -I shouldered my rifle, and went to report the lieutenant's death to the -captain. He said, curtly: - -"You've got your platoon commander's certificate. You're senior to -Guillaumin." - -(How on earth did he know?) - -He continued: "You will immediately become acting sub-lieutenant. If we -both get through safely, I'll see that you get your commission." - -He got back on to his horse, which his orderly brought up, and leaning -across the animal's neck, said: - -"In case the matter interests you, we are retiring because we chose -to. Our line has not been forced. It's the enemy who can't hold out -any longer. Only there's a detachment of Landwehr trying to turn us -southwards." - -I thanked him with a beam. - -As I drew near to the platoon, Guillaumin raised his voice: - -"Your new subaltern, lads!" - -"Good luck to him!" Bouillon exclaimed. - -There was a subdued murmur of satisfaction and approval. I must be -forgiven for having noticed it. It was one of the great moments of my -life. - -I signed to them to be silent. Guillaumin shook my hand. - -"You deserve it, Michel." - -I only answered by a shake of the head. We started off again, and I was -thankful that my cap threw my face into shadow. Nobody guessed that my -eyes were wet. Oh, how extraordinarily buoyant, how strong I felt, both -physically and morally! - -The last barrier had fallen between these men's caste and mine. No more -domination imposed by chance or force. I was the leader they would have -chosen, just as I was the leader imposed upon them. - -This was the only legitimate, the only true authority. - -We were again traversing the same boundless plain, which yesterday -had seen us braving the Teuton artillery, but this time in a slightly -oblique line. No shells escorted us, for a change! How good it seemed. - -We were marching at a smart pace, and had put not far off ten -kilometres behind us. The _poilus_ were reviving. Their behaviour -delighted me. They marched with a will across the dry stubble. Judsi -began to rag: - -"If only I'd 'a thought o' bringing my grub." - -Bouguet still kept up--a miracle of energy. He had got his arm in a -sling. He was only sorry--no one could guess it however long they -tried--that he was not allowed to sing. - -We had had nothing to eat for forty-eight hours, and had been fighting -for thirty hours almost uninterruptedly. - -Call us beaten men? Nonsense! About-to-be victors! - -Only one thing worried me. The almost empty cartridge-pouches. - -Just then we unexpectedly came across the train of company waggons. We -halted, and while the replenishment was going on, our men slanged the -drivers roundly. Slackers who had not been able, or had not wanted, to -find us! - -As for me, I looked for Playoust, determined that he should pay for -some of his delinquencies. But at the sound of his name a corporal -looked up: - -"A sergeant of that name?" - -"Exactly." - -"Well, he didn't last long!" - -"What?" - -"He was killed yesterday morning, just as we left Nanteuil. We hardly -saw him as a matter of fact. A shell splinter." - -"You don't mean it!" I said, astounded. - -The corporal went on: "Probably a pal of yours, was he?" - -"Yes, yes!" - -"He looked a good sort, and an amusing fellow, I should say, wasn't -he?" He insisted. - -"One of the best?" - -"A ripper!" - -A posthumous reconciliation! - - * * * * * - -The halt here was prolonged. Coffee was made. The sun set in -fiery splendour. Our arms were piled up at a short distance from a -cross-road. The traffic there was intense: waggons, lorries, and -batteries. We drew each other's attention to four armoured motor -machine-guns, which were the object of a great deal of curiosity. They -were the first in use, I believe, and were going southwards. - -In the growing gloom, Guillaumin pointed out De Valpic to me, deep -in conversation with an officer in the Dragoons. When the latter had -hurried on, our friend came back to us. - -"I've just seen my cousin De Montjezieu. It's ripping the way one comes -across people!" - -"Any news?" - -"Yes--interesting too." - -We looked up anxiously. - -In a few words he repeated the information he had just received. It was -this. We were engaged in what might be called the second battle of the -Ourcq, for there had been another fought and lost, between the 4th and -7th, by the plucky divisions of reservists from the Paris garrison. The -great object of the Staff had been to collect a large army of fresh men -to place in the hands of the Commander-in-Chief, the 7th Army Corps -coming from Alsace, the 4th--that was ours--and then the divisions -from Africa which had just disembarked at Marseilles. (So there was -some truth in Pomot's tales, I thought.) With all those combined we -should pull it off. We had been withstanding the pressure brought to -bear on our weakest point all that day. Now we were going to take the -offensive. If we managed to pierce their line...! From a certain thrill -in his voice I imagined that that was not all. - -"What? What more do you know? Out with it!" - -De Valpic hesitated for a moment: "And the decisive attack, the Big -Push, is to come off to-night, according to my cousin!" - -"Do you believe it?" - -Guillaumin yawned. "I say, they're not counting on us, I hope!" - -"Why?" I said, sharply. - -"We've done our bit!" - -"That's no reason!" - -"I'm sleepy." - -"Get down to it, old chap. We'll wake you in time for the fun." - -He lay down in the ditch. The night reigned. Searchlights swept the -heavens. There was an occasional star-shell, and firing all the time. A -fresh breeze got up. - -Some time slipped by. We were all, or nearly all, dozing. That vague -fusillade in the distance would have been enough to upset us. But -suddenly without a whistle, without a call, everyone was on his feet. -The echo of a bugle-call was borne to us on the wind, coming from -several miles away--impressive, rousing notes. The solemn sound of the -Charge. Each man seized his arms ready to rush forward. - -But it was not to be. The captain came by: "Our turn will come, lads. -Go on resting for the present--sleep, if possible!" - -He certainly had us well in hand. Those few words from him were enough. -The men lay down in the grass again, wrapping their greatcoats round -them, and it was not long before they were sound asleep. Stars were -shining in the calm sky above us. - - - - -CHAPTER XXI - -THE CULMINATION - - -"Up you get, sir!" - -"What, what!" - -Guillaumin was in front of me, smiling and swinging a lantern. -Half-joking, he repeated: "I think we're in for it, sir!" - -I got up. Shadows were moving round us. The sharp air stung. The night -was clear but moonless. I asked what time it was. Three o'clock. - -I immediately had a pleasant surprise. That form on the road--"Humel!" -I dashed at him. "Hulloa, my boy! So you got through!" - -"By jove! It was a bit of luck," he acknowledged. - -I hungrily clamoured for details. - -He explained: "You see, as long as we stayed in the trench, things went -all right. We managed to hold the Bosches. They weren't particularly -keen to face the bayonet. But at night we had no more ammunition. The -men got unstrung and wanted to do a bunk. Delafosse opposed it--as you -may imagine. Some of them began to slope off. The lieutenant made up -his mind to it, and we followed them. But the Bosches got wind of it -and opened fire at us. That's when we got cut up--not one out of four -got away." - -"The lieutenant?" - -"Knocked out, disappeared." - -Another name was on the tip of my tongue. - -Humel understood, and lowered his voice! "Descroix? He stayed behind, -too." - -I, in my turn, told him of Henriot's death, and about Playoust. I saw -his forehead wrinkle. He said nothing. I took his arm. - -"Well, we're here!" - -"Not for long," he murmured, downheartedly. - -"Yes! Yes! I swear that you, you, you understand, will get through!" - -What did I know of it? But I had said it with such assurance that I -felt it had given him new heart. - -There was a short whistle--the captain calling up the N.C. O's. - -"Well, my friends," he said, "we have been complimented on our -resistance the other night, and up till four o'clock yesterday in front -of the Montrolle woods. Apparently we did not do badly!" He waited for -a minute. "That is not all. We are asked, or I should say commanded, to -intervene again. A great honour for the regiment!" - -We were all hanging on his lips. - -"Mind you remember this date," he said, "in case we come back. This -is the night, the 9th to the 10th, that the battle is to be won. We -are attacking all along the line, and I think I may be allowed to -tell you, in confidence, that some of our comrades alongside have -just entered Silly-le-Long. At the other extremity the Zouaves have -taken Lizy-sur-Ourcq. The enemy is apparently still in possession of a -little hill near here. What we've got to do is to oust them from it." -His voice trembled. He must have been trying to find a last word of -encouragement. Not succeeding, he added: "We start in five minutes!" - -A remark not lacking in eloquence. - -I joined De Valpic in the darkness. His cough had made me aware of his -presence. - -Guillaumin, who ran against us, said, in a joking tone: "Well, if we -aren't polished off this time!" And then, a little more gravely: "If -only it's of some use." - -"Do you doubt it?" - -"I? What do you think? I wouldn't change places. Those who have missed -this----" - -He rummaged in his pocket, pulled out a sou, and threw it into the air! -"Heads we win!" - -"And if it's the reverse?" - -"A reverse for the Bosches!" - -He hunted about in the dark. - -"Can't you find it?" - -"It never fell. It went straight up into the sky! The best sign of all." - -We did not touch upon any more serious topics. We assembled, and -started off. De Valpic left us to join his platoon. - -"Good-bye." - -We shook hands. We were never to see him again. - -The most complete human friendship had drawn us together during the -last fortnight. - - * * * * * - -We marched along a road in silence for half an hour. Then we extended -into the fields, like mute armed phantoms, the noise of our footsteps -absorbed by the ground. - -For the first time I had taken my place at the head of my platoon. My -eyes searched the darkness. I regulated our pace by the captain's, -whose tall silhouette stood out against the blackness. I formed only -one wish which was this: that our intervention might have a decisive -quality. A wish which resembled a prayer. I implored, I don't know what -God, to grant me the good fortune to be a hero. - -The ground was rising in a gentle slope. We were guided towards the -east by a pale transparency, herald of the day. In that direction lay -the enemy; the enemy whose sentries no doubt had orders to fire upon -all suspicious objects. The first bullets would be for me. I did not -think of them or fear them. The fifty men behind me, who would act as I -acted, were a miraculous incentive. - -There was a hollow exclamation close by on our left. A sentry! A shot -rang out, followed by a second. I quickened the pace, my men remaining -close at my heels. - -In front of us, at a distance which was difficult to estimate, we -could make out a noise and what seemed like confusion. On the left an -already heavy fusillade was crackling. The absurd idea crossed my mind -of giving orders for a volley. But the captain contented himself with -raising his sword. Advance! - -Our speed increased. Charging pace, fix bayonets! Some of the men were -inclined to pass me. I restrained them below my breath. - -There was a sudden volley of bullets, meant for us, but distinctly -too high. We advanced bent double. There was a new _rafale_. This -I felt was bearing to the right, where De Valpic's platoon was. A -mysterious shock warned me that at that second my friend--my friend -had succumbed.... Mown down, this fine life. But this destiny held no -terror for him. And what other awaited us! - -The balls continued to mew fiercely in our ears like terrible cats. -It felt like the blows of wooden hammers which would pound and crush -everything to dust--("would bash our heads in"; the popular expression -just fitted it). - -I was thinking of that when I became aware of a sort of fluctuation -behind me. Somebody shouted: "Kneel!" - -It was amazing. My line had instantly given way, and thrown themselves -down. There was an immediate clash of steel, followed by feverish -firing. A bullet whistled past my nose. I threw myself on to the ground -and turned round and cursed Henry, the clumsy lout, who was firing and -firing. - -What was to be done. The captain yonder was bellowing in an infuriated -voice: "Advance! Advance!" - -I got up, waving my rifle, and shouted: "Come along, No. 3 platoon. -Show them what you're made of!" - -A few of them got up and followed me. The majority hesitated. There was -no time to wait. We took about twenty steps at the double. I had to -stop. There were only six _poilus_ with me! - -I shouted again. I yelled. The bullets were still cracking. They passed -us coming from both sides. I recoiled. The confusion was terrible. I -bumped into Humel. Guillaumin turned up bringing us a handful of men. I -remember that I asked him coldly: "How far off are they?" - -"A hundred yards." - -"Good. We've got 'em!" - -Then I don't quite know what happened after that. It hardly lasted a -minute. It seemed like a hundred years! I believe I rushed back in -search of my men, shouting: - -"This way! Come along! Follow me!" - -I flew. I furrowed the ground, sowing the sacred fire in my tracks. - -"Look, they can't touch us!" - -They were no longer firing on our left. Hand-to-hand fighting must be -going on--a cacophony. Noises which had nothing human left about them. -No doubt the enemy was giving ground. I stumbled near a long ditch, a -first-line trench, which they had already abandoned. - -I felt sure that I was going to be killed, but oddly enough I cared -very little. To-day or to-morrow, what did it matter! A thousand -thoughts thronged each other in my mind. The dominant one, simple and -sublime, was that Victory was leaning towards us. We should carry this -hill, for I could see our men wriggling along the ground to rejoin us, -and grouping themselves again. - -The light and serenity, the frenzy of it! I swear that at that instant -France was really something other than an abstract entity for me: the -whole in which I participated, which was me and more than me. Of my own -free will I was sacrificing my paltry individuality. I was melting a -wan unit into the collective consciousness of the beings of my country. - -Surprise may be caused by the fact that I found time to revolve all -these thoughts in my mind during these brief moments, among this -chaos, where I might be seen dashing about madly, expending myself in -exhortations and reproaches. - -Well, I did find time for them, and for a thousand others! I myself, -lucid and multiplied, marvelled at it. - -My resources were increased tenfold. I burst into blossom. I attained -the apogee of my power. The instant in which I raised myself to the -conception of the immense national soul was also that in which my own -spirit was expanded most largely. Nothing escaped me. I was twenty -beings. I had a tender thought for the memory of my mother; one for my -brother who had fallen; for those of my people who remained. And you, -Jeannine, my betrothed, I evoked your face and let my lips caress it -lightly. I descried all that life we should have lived together, and -tasted all its happiness to the full. I adored you, oh my well beloved! -I was certain, that at that instant you knew that I was being killed -for your sake, that you were proud of it, and sobbed for it. - -My men were collected there, lying with their eyes fixed on me, already -half raised, ready to dart forward. - -As I looked at them and counted them over, a fantastic idea struck me. -Fifty living men. In a minute, half of them would be dead, at a sign -from me. - -Gloomily determined, I enjoyed my fatal power. Did I spare myself? -No. I remained on my feet, and the bullets made a nimbus round me. -Preserved by a constant miracle, I moved among these fiery trajectories -like a salamander. - -And then, ruminating on a vague hope of living, I dreamt that a fate -protected me; that death was overawed by my temerity. - -The hour struck in the depths of my consciousness. - -I included all my men, body and soul, in a comprehensive gesture to -advance. - -Their undulating line moved as one man. Bouillon was just behind me. In -getting up he seemed to stumble, and fell like a stone, with a bullet -in his forehead. - -Then I began to run quickly, straight ahead. There was no longer any -need to turn round. Behind me I could hear that breathing, and the -heavy trot regulated by mine. We formed an inseparable block, they and -I. If any fell, their places were filled up. Twenty yards away I saw -phantoms scattering. - -"They're bolting!" - -My own voice seemed to swell in the deep-throated roars which it tore -from my companions. Living, rolling thunder! The enemy overcome and -swept away! Full of a prodigious reserve of breath, life, and pride I -was going to-- - -A-a-h! - - - - -CHAPTER XXII - -SERENITY - - -I had fallen face downwards. I experienced a sensation of shattering -and laceration. My eyes closed. I made a convulsive effort to get up. -Impossible! But where was I wounded? My head was swimming, everything -was turning round me. I was dying. - -"Your leg, isn't it?" - -I succeeded in opening my eyes again. - -Guillaumin! - -"Yes--I think so!" I stammered. - -"Hurts a bit, what?" - -I tried to lift up my head and spit some soil out. Everything grew dim -again. I caught sight of a clown's face--Judsi, leaning over me, too. - -"Carry on! Carry on!" I murmured. - -They disappeared from my field of vision. I saw another line of men -pass in skirmishing order, then another. Was my brain affected? Why did -I think I was back in camp at Mailly and once more taking part in the -parade before the Bey of Tunis? - -By some strange instinct, I dreaded being helped. I preferred to -die in peace. For I thought my hour had come, and abandoned myself -unregretfully. - -Meanwhile, some time passed. Instead of agonising, I recovered my wits. - -It was my right leg that had been hit--the bone to a certainty! For the -moment, the pain was not so intolerable. I felt as if my leg had been -substituted by a mass of lead. - -Ah! The sun! Already high in the heavens! - -I now began to wish for help, but the plateau was abandoned. Quite near -me there was a dead body--poor Prunelle--fallen in the posture of an -oriental suppliant. Farther on Gaufreteau was drawing his last breath. - -A tree stood a few yards off; a minute rise in the ground blocked out -all the horizon. - -I was thinking, longing to find out what really had happened. I -struggled obstinately to turn over onto one side. At last I succeeded. -By raising myself up on my elbow, I was able to examine my leg. It made -a hideous angle under the trouser. The foot turned back towards the -knee. There would have been reason enough to shudder, if that inert -mass had not literally seemed a thing quite apart from me. - -I thought of dressing my wound, but my strength was not up to undoing -my pack and slitting up the cloth round my leg. - -What was the result of the engagement? Everything tended to show that -our masterly stroke at dawn had been successful. But were we following -up our advantage? And how far? If only I could have dragged myself -as far as that tree! I calculated the distance. What hope possessed -me? I succeeded at the cost of real torture in getting into a sitting -position. Now my plan was made. I must move backwards, propelling -myself by my fists! - -Oh! what a ghastly journey that was! I watched the removal of my leg. -It was throbbing, but did not cause me acute pain, and seemed as if -paralysed; mis-shapen and swollen, like a great ball, pinning me to -the ground. I was as weak as a baby. Ten times over my head sank, my -clenched fingers relaxed. I allowed myself a good rest, first after -each half yard then after each foot, then even this latter distance -seemed to me excessive. - -Having attained my end--how I do not know--I drew breath for a long -time. - -It now remained for me--I was ambitious--to stand up--to see something. -I gripped the trunk with both arms, while my sound leg stiffened--in -vain--my God! The other was pinned to the ground! - -I changed my tactics, and set about raising myself on one knee. When -I had got there, I exerted all the strength of my being, and began to -pull myself up slowly, oh, so slowly! My grip alone supported me. My -hands were grazed by the bark. - -On my feet, at last--triumphant! I was able to gaze far across the -plain in front of me. - -It was a large expanse of wild country, cut by a railway. Little -did I care for the view. What I sought for hungrily was that cloud -of dust--the men. I ended by discovering it. In the distance, as -far as eye could see, there was a line of skirmishers--easily -recognisable--our greatcoats and red trousers! - -Vloumm! Rouvloumm! Vloumm! A cannonade echoed near at hand, making the -air waves vibrate. About a mile and a half away a battery of the 75's -let off a trial round. Too short! They harnessed up again, swung round, -and were off at a gallop. - -Yonder a company of dragoons were trotting in the same direction. The -pursuit had begun. - -By some intuition or suggestion my vision increased at this point. -I had the feeling that I could see from one end to the other of our -front. On the Ourcq just by, and farther off on the Marne, the Meuse, -the Moselle, this very Destiny was being pronounced; this very morning, -at this very hour, the success of our counter-offensive; the hostile -rabble dislocated, broken, forced to retreat. - -Paris and France saved! A grand date in the history of the world! What -did it matter how long the War might last. - -I greeted the day of glory. This noble stretch of country, the -Ile-de-France, stood forth before us--our adopted land--and lay -stretched at our feet, presenting a fertile appearance for our sakes. - -Preserved for the sons of my race, the acres which nourished us with -their substance of life-giving properties. I thought not at all of my -wound, of my life, no doubt in danger. Content to have lived until -this sublime instant, I united in the same love, the freed territory, -the luminary shining on my country, the beings dear to my heart; and -enlacing the rugged tree, I eagerly stretched myself up to follow to -the very horizon our victorious colours. - - * * * * * - -My strength suddenly gave way. The leaden weight became aggravated. I -yielded with the one idea of falling upon my sound limb. My forehead -struck the ground and I fell into a deep swoon. - - - - -PART IV - - - - -_BOOK X_ - -_Epilogue_ - - - - -CHAPTER I - -APPREHENSIONS - - -"That's doing very well--very well indeed!" It was Bujard, the -house-surgeon, who was speaking. "If everyone got on as quickly as -you----" - -I no longer felt any pain. My gaze wandered round the huge room. It -was warm and prettily decorated--the smoking-room in the M---- hotel, -which had been converted into a hospital. My temperature was normal -again and I experienced a sensation of relief and deliverance. How -delightful it was to rest on this pliant mattress, in these cool -sheets, to distinguish the prattle of my neighbours, and the patter of -the sister's feet standing out from the subdued hubbub in the ward. - -When the light tired me, I closed my eyes on this scene, and went over -the vicissitudes of the nightmare I had just left behind.... - -My long prostration in a dying condition, on that deserted plateau; -swoons from which I awoke at intervals; that deadly cycle; two days and -two nights. ... Ah! Faces were leaning over me. They pick me up and -carry me away. Where am I? A stretcher, a motor.... Heavens, how my leg -tears me! How thirsty I am! - -In the train now, on some straw. Round me those poor unfortunates, -spectres, drawing their last breath, can they be men? But I am like -them! That first dressing in the train.... They snip and tear my -trouser and drawers; my wound is exposed, all soiled; matter and -congealed blood. There is some question of detraining me. A red-beard -opposes the suggestion, I am put back on to the same straw, in a -state of decay. The train starts again, and rolls on and on for days. -Unexpected or unknown names of stations. The feeling of being tossed -about from one end of France to the other. Oh, this heat, this jolting, -this acrid, fetid odour of humanity.... I am sleeping, or dying, -unconscious.... - -A very different period follows--Vichy. A hospital ward, this; and -the same bed on which I am still lying. Washed and cared for, I am -born anew. I joke with the sister, a cheery soul, an ex-nurse in the -expeditionary corps in China; with the house-surgeon--he and I have -mutual friends. - -My wound is certainly severe--the fibula is shattered, the tibia -fractured. I shall limp. But what matter? They have cut away a lot -and extracted splinters of bone, and scraps of clothes.... Barring -complications, I shall have five or six weeks of it, not more. - -Heavens, how beautiful life is! The Battle of the Marne has just been -fought. What inspiriting reading the newspapers make. The intoxication -of Victory; our Victory. The very day I arrived I was able to have two -telegrams sent--their destinations will easily be guessed. Jeannine -answered at once, by the ardent letter I had wished for. A promise in -it makes my heart leap. The Landrys will arrange to come round by Vichy -on their way to the South, where they spend each winter. There is only -one slight shadow--an allusion to certain worries of the grandmother's, -money matters, from what I can gather. - -As to my father: here he is installed at my bedside. - -My thoughts are pleasing ones, and linger over such memories. And -then--and then! - -A Saturday evening. Ever since the morning my leg seems to me to -have got heavier.... Thirst dries the very marrow in my bones. My -temperature suddenly rises 101.2 deg. When it is taken again 102.2 -deg. What does it mean? Sunday at eight o'clock 104 deg.. Professor -Gauthier, who is called in for a consultation, examines me and seems -put out. These confounded leg wounds! - -More incisions, and a drainage tube is put back again, and we must wait -and see. - -What a day! I am consumed with thirst, and burning hot. My leg on fire -right up to the hip, paroxysms of suffering, infernal shooting pains. -Pus is forming in it. Exhaustion soon follows. My tongue is green, and -I vomit. I no longer digest anything. Delirium sets in. I call Maman, I -call Jeannine, in a despairing voice.... - -Those silhouettes of doctors. That consultation round my bed. A haze -envelops me ... I hear music! Then Bujard's voice: - -"Well, old chap...?" - -Halloa, he's very affectionate! - -"We may have to--amputate...!" - -From the depths of my torpor, I have understood. "Yes, take it off! -Take it off!" I implore them. - -"That's right! Very sensible!" He nodded. "A leg! They make such -excellent substitutes! And then...." - -He emphasised this point: "You'll suffer no more, you know!" - -Oh, how well he knows my weak spot. No more suffering--or fever.... - -How did it all happen? I had no notion of anything. I came round from -the chloroform to find myself in my bed. My father said to me, with -tears in his eyes: - -"That's all over, Michel, you're saved!" - -I slept and slept. I come to life again. I open my eyes. Have I been -dreaming? I should be tempted to think so. I have difficulty in -persuading myself of the reality of my misfortune. My gaze never rests -without astonishment on the fold in my bed-clothes, where it sinks down -over the stump of my excised thigh. - -Stupefaction, yes: rather than distress. I am less crushed by it than -I should have expected. What an abominable thing the existence of -beings mutilated in this way used formerly to seem to me. To-day the -fate which awaits me does not make me revolt. I smile, without too much -melancholy, at the motherly words of encouragement from the excellent -nun. I take note, almost with amusement of the sensations of itching -in my missing sole and big toe, common in patients who have had a leg -amputated. - -The secret of my serenity is to be found in the fact that my thoughts -return to the decisive engagement when leading my men. I had consented -to the sacrifice. Intoxicating moments which could only be paid for -with my life! And this last week again, I had seen my coffin open; -death flowed in my veins. Now Destiny had had mercy on me. I might well -consider myself blest! - -But this period did not last long. At the end of a few days, the memory -of my recent tortures paled. The withdrawal of this shadow robbed my -present condition of its tinge of consolation. - -There were ten of us in this ward, all seriously wounded, and operated -on under favourable conditions. The general atmosphere was one of -cheerfulness. I was soon out of sympathy with it. - -I had made friends with my next-door neighbour, a recruit of twenty, -Cadieu, by name. He was always in the most uproarious spirits and quite -irresistible. I compared him with Judsi. What vitality there must be in -a race which produces such men by thousands! His leg amputated too, and -like mine, in the "upper third," he gaily made the best of it. First -of all there was the pension. And then as an adjuster of scales it -wouldn't worry him so much as all that! And then, what was a leg more -or less after all? - -He told me how he had been hit. When he had got the splinter in his -leg, he had said to himself: "Well done! Of course you would just go -and get in the light!" Lying down in a furrow he was waiting quietly -for--what? Blimey! the end o' the war! The crackling was still going on -as hard as ever. Suddenly, paf! Oh, my eye! A bullet in the foot. But -'e'd 'ad one bit o' luck. It was the one on the same side! - -The boy had at once confided his love affairs to me. His lady friend -was a housemaid to some people of good position. Her name was -Margaret. "It all began by that there song, you remember 'ow it goes, -'Margaret, give me your 'eart.' I 'ummed it to 'er--." One child -brought up in the country by her parents, good old things. He expected -her to come and see him at the beginning of next month: "You're kept -at it pretty 'ard in 'er trade! But 'er missus' 'usband 'as just bin -'napoohed' too. She bolted off to 'im in double-quick time, an' w'en -Margaret was seein' 'er orf at the station, she up and told 'er that -'er boy was knocked out, too, and blowed if the lidy didn't feel sorter -touched by it, and offered 'er a fortnight's 'oliday!" - -His outpourings at an end, Cadieu, seeing I was still depressed, -watched me out of the corner of his eye. - -"And wot abaht you? An' your sweet'eart?" he said to me one day. - -I smiled. "Not married, old chap, or attached in any way. No, -seriously!" - -How much to the point his guess had been, though! - -O Jeannine! Sleeping and waking I had thought of my love. The other -week her fair image presided over my revival. It was with my heart -dedicated to her that I had put myself into the hands of the surgeons, -and when I had opened my eyes again, amid the giddiness and sickness, -it was the light of her face that had been the first thing to pierce -the veil of my torpor. - -I have said that I had telegraphed, that I had received a reply. But -since then, what a striking change there had been. On the threshold -of a new era, I tremblingly encouraged myself not to mistrust her. I -remember the tone in which De Valpic had spoken of his unchanging love, -when just on the point of death. - -I waited to write to her until I had recovered my strength to a certain -extent. A week! How long the time must seem to her. A second letter -came from her. She demanded news.... What a piece of news I had to -announce to her! - -I made up my mind to it, however. - -My first sentence revealed everything to her. It was a mutilated man, -I told her, who was tracing these lines to her.... I stopped short, -and turned over to bury my head in my pillow. Tears rose to my eyes! -Then I recovered myself. I so much wanted this letter to appear a -normal continuation of the others. When I re-read it, I was struck by -the deadly heart-break depicted in it, in spite of myself! I was on -the point of tearing the pages to pieces. I stayed for a long time, -balancing them in my hands. Then I finally decided to slip them into -the envelope; my salvation lay entirely in the pity I should inspire. - -Some days passed by in boredom, and overwhelming anxiety, the reason -of which I now forbade myself to specify. I tried in vain to distract -my thoughts. My father read the papers aloud to me--those around me -profited by it. With the monotonous delivery of an officer giving the -order of the day, he sometimes stirred us all in pronouncing the word -Victory. He had to take off his glasses which were dimmed. - -But the Press no longer reflected the same enthusiasm evinced for the -"Battle of the Marne." The thankless battle of the Aisne was dragging -on, and becoming endless. We began to feel that the enemy would hold -out for a long time on this stolen territory. There was heavy fighting -going on in the North. Our left and the German right struggling to -outstrip each other in their race for the coast--fierce cavalry -encounters round Aire and Hazebrouck.... And there were already -sinister rumours abroad concerning the probable fate of Anvers. - -I bore myself a grudge for not being more thrilled. I urged myself to -lose sight of my individual misery, in order to continue in communion -with my noble nation. I tried hard to do it, but my efforts were in -vain! - -An epistle from Guillaumin reached me. He was safe and sound, and -was anxious to be reassured on my account. His letter contained some -details. Yes, poor De Valpic had fallen. His body had been identified, -and was reposing in hallowed ground, beneath a cross. The platoon -had been reduced to half its strength the day after Nanteuil, but -reinforcements had arrived during the following days. They had been -engaged over and over again since then, and were fighting nearly every -day; yesterday again at Guennevieres. They did not forget me in all -that! Guillaumin enclosed in his letter a joint card signed by each -_poilu_. One shaky scrawl was from the hand of poor Donnadieu, hit by a -splinter in the abdomen, and who, so my friend told me, had succumbed -during the night. - -Who would believe that I put off answering him. And, for that matter, -my sister-in-law, too, who had sent me several affectionate missives. -Sometimes it was enervation which tortured me, as I lay there, -sometimes a gloomy atony. - -Margaret, Cadieu's friend, had arrived, a pretty, fair-haired girl of -the soubrette and ingenue type. Her presence exhilarated my neighbour -to such an extent that our corner was one long roar of laughter. I -alone did not cheer up. He cast sorrowful looks at me, and the girl -took to bringing me flowers in the morning when she brought them for -her Julot. How sorry they were for me! - -And my father! He certainly would not have questioned me. But his -speech which was usually abrupt, softened, and his gaze grew more -gentle when it rested on me. I was grateful to him for his tacit -compassion, and I felt inclined to cry. - - - - -CHAPTER II - -RELIEF - - -How I trembled when at last I tore open...! My doom was to be -pronounced. My secret terror was dissipated on glancing at the first -lines. Jeannine reminded me that she was the daughter of a soldier, the -niece and grand-daughter of a soldier. From time immemorial, glorious -wounds had been revered in her family. She quoted the case of her -great-uncle, who was also her godfather, who, in the year '70, had -been hit by a bullet near his elbow, and had soon lost the use of his -right arm, owing to rheumatism. Their admiration had surrounded him and -followed in his train all his life long. - -My misfortune, she said, had not taken her by surprise. She had dreaded -it all along. Had I not discerned her deep compassion beneath the -encouragement even in her very first letter? - -At this point her tone grew more tender. She was aware, she said, of -my bitterness and anguish which I tried in vain to conceal from her. -However, I had turned to her. She thanked me for that. She was my -faithful friend. She recognised herself as being picked out to help me -in my trouble. After all, I was alive. Wasn't that all that mattered? -My misfortune did not lower me. It all raised me, on the contrary. I -must have fought superbly. How many times a day she had pictured me -leading my men to the attack. I had been intoxicated, had I not, by all -that life offered of sublime sensations. I should not assume my former -scepticism again, even in play. What a lot we should have to tell each -other when--and Heaven grant that the day might be near at hand--we met -again. - -I read and re-read these six pages. I never tired of assuring myself of -my joy and revelling in it. My heart melted as a result of the relief, -and turned towards the wall; I wept the sweet tears which had been -ready to flow for the last ten days. - -I now recognised clearly what I had dreaded and could smile at it. -A revival of the dry mistrust which was dissipated at a word from -Jeannine! - -This miracle of her persistent affection seemed to me the simplest -and most natural reality. Since the milk of human kindness was not an -empty saying! And then one might have mistrusted another, but she, -like myself, had deliberately raised herself above the common sphere -in which men's feelings move. How little the scruples and hesitations -of average souls could count for in comparison with the mute vow which -bound us. We belonged to each other, whatever might happen! - -But, nevertheless, when the first transport was over, a vague feeling -of unrest returned to skim the surface of my mind. I was insatiable. It -seemed to me that I might have looked for a more tender and impassioned -abandonment--for some involuntary avowal.... - -And then, no! On thinking it over, I had no difficulty in convincing -myself that it was her modesty which forbade her to declare herself. -I myself had never dared to put it into writing. No; our engagement -would be ratified by a hand-clasp, by the chaste exchange of words. - -I wrote her eight pages that same evening. Our correspondence was -resumed. Each of us now, certainly waited for the other's letter to -arrive before answering it--and the posts were still uncertain, a week -sometimes went by without bringing the looked-for letter. - -I was not without regret for the time when our love had found a way -to express itself, every, or almost every day. We had ceased to move -amongst those unique circumstances when not an hour must be lost in -pouring out all one's heart, since each letter, received or despatched, -might be the last. This was the return to normal conditions; letters -between the betrothed before the ring has been given. It was at least -something on which to feed the certainty of our happiness. - - * * * * * - -Time went on and on. At the end of a fortnight they had given my leg -a thorough dressing for the first time. The compresses, with the aid -of hot water, had come off more quickly, and given me less pain than I -had feared they might. Bujard congratulated me on the condition of my -wound. There was no trace of suppuration. Three weeks more and I should -get up! - -I smiled at his words of encouragement. I marvelled at feeling nothing -at the severed stump but a sort of tickling which was sometimes, by the -way, almost intolerable. The feeling that my right thigh had nothing to -counter-balance it was very queer too. - -The occupants of our ward had nearly all recovered. Some more beds were -added. They tried to make more room, and sent away a great many of -those who could stand up. Cadieu was despatched to a convalescent home. -He went hobbling off, much amused by his crutches. And merriment went -with him. - -Many of the new arrivals appeared exhausted and worn out. They arrived -in an infected state--it was the end of October--from the ghastly -slaughters in Belgium. There were several cases of tetanus and -gangrene. I remember a big fellow, belonging to the naval brigade, who -screamed with pain all night, and died at dawn. - -I found this promiscuousness very trying, and lost strength again. My -friend Bujard noticed it, and, after having consulted me, arranged for -me to have a little room to myself. I took leave of the sister, Ste. -Therese. - - * * * * * - -To begin with I missed the fresh air in the ward. I was reduced to the -society of my father as sole companion, and he was not well, because he -had had an attack of choking one evening, in the thick of the battle of -the Yser, when he had thought our line had been broken through. Bujard -had warned me that he was threatened with angina pectoris. - -And yet with what solicitude the poor man surrounded me. He was by -my side from eight o'clock in the morning onwards. He never left me -during the day, and had obtained permission to have his meals brought -up there. He tried everything imaginable to alleviate the monotony of -my long convalescence. He joined a library so that I might have books, -and tired himself by reading to me for hours together. In the end I -had to implore Bujard to forbid him to read. He bought me a quantity -of maps of different scales, and we tried to follow the situation, and -the manoeuvres of our five principal armies during the immortal days at -the beginning of September. We marked out the actual front with little -flags. - -We talked, too. I evoked certain scenes from my childhood, our -Lorraine, Ebermenil. It caused my father frightful distress to think -that the enemy were still there. "But not for long," he growled, -grinding his teeth. - -If I pressed the subject and recalled some happy occasion on which our -dear departed ones had figured at our sides, then I used to see him -fall into a deep day-dream, into which I dared not break. He belonged -to those whose grief is frozen and taciturn, more heart-rending, -perhaps, than ours, which is assuaged when we give vent to it. - -I realised anew the difference in our two natures--not without regret! -I should never have ventured, I thought, to allow him even a glimpse -of the surprising evolution which had made a new man of me. It would -have revolted him to learn from what depths I had started, and all that -had been needed to bring me to this state of grace in which he had -maintained himself without an effort, for more than forty years. - -Jeannine, everything brought back the longing for your beloved -presence! You alone knew me, such as I had been and such as I was. What -pride, just think, for us two, to ascertain how, little by little, -at the seat of my love for you, all these virtues had blossomed in -my soul. You would persuade me, perhaps, that I bore the germs in -my heart, but that they could never have flowered in the etiolating -atmosphere in which my life had been spent. - -Stirred by such thoughts, I suddenly became more sensible to the -paternal affection. What nurse would have set her wits to work in such -a touching fashion? He tried to remember how my mother used to treat me -during my long illnesses in former days. - -One morning, he put a pack of cards on my table and timidly proposed a -game of piquet. - -"A good idea!" I said. "Let's draw!" - -He puckered his forehead and played attentively, and won. And I could -see myself again as a child--a child playing like this with my mother, -caressing her beautiful white hands. I could have seized and kissed -this old man's wrinkled hands. The unique tenderness of parents, -which one must hasten to enjoy! My mother had passed away years and -years ago--and as for him, the last on earth of the beings whom I -perpetuated, how much time would slip away before they left him, having -lived his life, between four planks? I was harrowed in advance. I made -a vow to do all that was in my power to sweeten the days--restricted, -alas, in number--which still remained to him. - - - - -CHAPTER III - -A SUNLIT CONVALESCENCE - - -One afternoon, towards two o'clock, my father took his hat, and said to -me, in rather a mysterious tone: - -"I must go out on an errand. I'll be back in a moment." - -Half an hour later I became aware of shuffling going on outside my -door. Somebody knocked. - -"Come in!" - -A little boy, dressed in black, appeared on the threshold. My heart -gave a bound. That prominent forehead, where fair curls rolled, that -straight, brilliant gaze. Victor! Victor, at five years old. Victor as -he had been when my eyes had opened on him as a little child. - -It was his son--little Robert. - -Behind him was my sister-in-law. She came straight up to my bed, and -bent down, raising her long widow's veil. We kissed each other, and I -demanded my little niece Brigitte, who was shy and was burying her face -in her mother's skirts. - -The conversation immediately started off, quite naturally and -delightfully, free of its whilom reserve. We ingenuously confessed -that we had learnt to know each other, and how we had felt the mutual -affection grow, in the course of these terrible months. - -Madeleine had come to stay at Vichy for a few days. - -"We will give you new courage," she said. - -"I'm not lacking in it! You're the one who needs it, poor little -sister." - -"Oh! I have enough for three." - -It was true enough. I was struck by her spirit of determination. And I -had thought her in danger of giving way entirely beneath the blow. She -spoke of nothing but the future; of her plans; of the education of her -children. She thought of going to live at Versailles: the rents were -not so high there as in Paris, they would be near the town, and the -Lycee Hoche. For she wanted to keep Robert with her, in order that the -whole family should cling together. - -As my eyes were again drawn irresistibly to the little boy, she said: -"Isn't he like----" - -She did not complete the sentence. Tears pearled on her eyelashes. It -was one of the few allusions she allowed herself, to her great sorrow. - -I told her that her children would find a second father in me. - -"He counted on it," she assured me. - -And she showed me a note which Victor had written before leaving St. -Mihiel; a few lines in which he confided those dearest to him on earth, -to my charge. What instinct warned him that he would fall; that I -should be preserved? - -I reverently welcomed this sacred bequest. When my father had gone -I should be the head of the family. New duties which I hailed with -delight. And in a short time, I said to myself, Madeleine would find -in Jeannine a friend, more than a friend. I think that if we had been -alone it would have been to her, first of all, that I should have -revealed my secret. - -Those were calm days perfumed by sympathy and friendship. I had to tell -the story of my campaign in full detail. Not even the children seemed -bored as they listened. - -Dear mites they were! Too quiet and good. I sent to a neighbouring -bazaar for some toys for them. Then I drew up a plan for the future. - -I asked my sister-in-law what she meant to do for the winter. It was -impossible for her to go back home. The enemy had just laid hands on -St. Mihiel. - -"Stay in Paris," she said. - -"How depressing that would be!" - -I pretended to be seized with a sudden inspiration. "Suppose we all -went off to the Riviera for a time, for a rest?" - -The suggestion was carried unanimously. It was a landmark set up.... To -draw all my belongings down there. It seemed to me that in accompanying -me, they would share my joy. As for me--could I hesitate? The Landrys' -departure for Antibes, seriously delayed by certain complications, was -fixed for the following month. I had reminded Jeannine of her promise -to come round by the Bourbon line. The matter was arranged. - -I fondly imagined that I should have recovered by that date. Bujard -spoke to me every day of the marvellous apparatus which was to disguise -my misfortune. - - * * * * * - -My sister left again with her children, recalled to Paris by various -purchases and other matters. The sweetness she had brought with her -persisted. Those were radiant days. - -I began to get up. First a foot out of bed, nothing more. My father -who was still vigorous lent me the support of his arm. My head swam -when I stood up. I was just able to reach an arm-chair, and doubted -whether my strength could ever come back. I was especially bewildered -by the strange lack of equilibrium. - -I held the crutches in abhorrence. I should never get accustomed to -that. Directly it was possible, Bujard brought me a wooden stump. -Frightful! However, it was a way of progressing. My left leg was able -to get exercise, and regain strength, little by little. I walked up and -down the landings, and the hotel garden. - -I was measured for a jointed limb. Bujard had told me of an American -firm which was supplying both groups of belligerents, so he assured me. -I sent my order to them. - -The delay demanded had seemed to me very reasonable. But, when I first -began to go into the town I fell a prey to the embarrassing compassion -of the passers-by. They nudged each other, when they met me. - -"Another one!" - -"Poor fellow!" - -I, who aspired to losing myself in the crowd, like other people! - -I happened just then to come across the prospectus of an English firm, -which offered to provide the whole thing complete in a fortnight, at a -price defying all competition! - -"A hoax!" Bujard warned me. - -It couldn't be helped. I was consumed with impatience. I wrote, -enclosing my cheque. We should see. It would be well worth the twelve -pounds it would cost me. - -Those were happy weeks, I repeat. I went before a Board; I was passed, -and left the hospital. I was free! And had the satisfaction of feeling -that I had paid my debt to the full. - -I wrote letters, and received them. Madeleine wrote me jewels of -sisterly affection. Guillaumin, for his part, sent me picturesque -epistles. They had had a rough time again, at the beginning of October, -round Champieu and De Roye. - -Since then, trench warfare had been inaugurated: they were settling -down for the winter. There was not a word of complaint, simply the -tranquil and delightful keenness he had always shown. The morale of the -men was intact. And they had had so few casualties during the last five -weeks. They were well fed. The only drawback was the lack of heating -arrangements! - -I replied to him at length, and sent a real letter, too, to each man -who had signed the collective post-card which I have already mentioned. - -I asked my sister-in-law to go and call on Guillaumin's sister in the -little flat she had in the Gobelins. They talked for a whole hour about -him and me, like firm friends; and Madeleine managed to procure some -piano lessons for the other--a real feat! - -The postal arrangements had improved considerably. Neither Jeannine -nor I lost any time. Directly a letter arrived--quick!--the answer was -written. Our eagerness was more intense than ever. - -The German offensive in the North had not come to an end. The fighting -round Ypres had caused us a recurrence of anguish. My father had -another attack one evening when we once more thought--from reticences -in the _communique_--that our line had been forced and penetrated, and -that the road to Calais was open. - -A few words from Jeannine--a supplementary card, that one--were what -reassured us, before all the papers. An aide-de-camp from Foch had -just been dining with them, and had given them details. The situation -had been critical, desperate, one day, but it had been tardily -re-established the next day, and was now consolidated, and no longer -gave any cause for alarm. - -I read the whole passage to my father. He gave a sigh of relief. - -"We are saved, then! The source of your information seems reliable. Is -it one of your friends, who's written to you?" - -"A friend, yes." - -Later on, quite soon, it would be sweet to open my heart to him, to -claim his blessing on the daughter I should bring him. - -The Landrys had again put off the date of their departure. Jeannine -gave me to understand, with a certain emphasis, that some business -matters could not be settled. I had the delicacy never to ask for -details. - -This delay suited me very well. I would have given a lot for them not -to join us before the ghastly "stump" had been relegated to the rubbish -heap. Jeannine had, perhaps, guessed as much. - -Oh! our correspondence at that point. I cannot prevent myself from -returning to the subject. Its tone of complete confidence, of youthful -abandonment. Oh! my loving beloved; arrayed in every attraction, who -did not intoxicate me solely by the enchantment of her clear life -and warm seduction, nor solely by the goodness which all her being -irradiated. She was the intellectual companion, too--the complement, -for which man's instinct yearns, and which he discovers so rarely. - -Sometimes, after having come into collision with my father who could -not be shaken in his opinions, I would turn to her in delight and -admire her broader outlook. For instance, he did not desire, or even -admit, the possibility of peace or a truce before the enemy had been -completely crushed. According to him, the necessary conditions of the -future Treaty were that the Central Powers should be dismembered; large -territories annexed; and our frontier extended as far as the Rhine. The -brutal law of force. The vanquished must bow his head. While, as for -her it must be noted that she cursed the cruel blindness of the Teuton -caste which provoked the catastrophe just as much as I did. But she -followed me--far better than that--she boldly out-stripped me in my -desire simply for the repression of a minor race, in my wish for the -future re-establishment of concord among all nations, not excepting -even that one. Did she not want to convince me that each great race in -turn let itself be ensnared by the mirage of universal hegemony. Look -at us, under Napoleon! In fifty or a hundred years, we should see these -Germans rallied to our republican wisdom. - -What joy I experienced in playing lightly upon all the chords of this -young soul, in hearing each one of them vibrate in harmony with me. - -I will quote one touching incident. She it was who sent me, by -telegram, too, the text of my promotion, as it appeared in the -_Gazette_ on November the 23rd. So that was why she had sounded me so -dexterously for a long time now. I had told her what I knew, what my -captain proposed. I thought no more about it, instead of which, she had -studied the lists for weeks and weeks, with the perseverance of a woman -in love. - - * * * * * - -The English firm fulfilled their contract, the order was delivered on -the promised date. Bujard shook his head when he examined it. Just as -he had expected. A ready-made model! - -As for me, the apparatus attracted me. I put it on hurriedly, and -having pulled on my trousers, went and planted myself in front of the -wardrobe looking-glass, which no longer reflected the former, monstrous -and incomplete apparition. Upright and firmly planted on my feet, and -well-balanced, I admired myself, restored to my manly dignity. Now, -Jeannine might come! I could not help telling her of the joy which was -running over in me. I jokingly told her that I had to think before -being sure which leg was missing. - -She replied with the announcement that they were to start on their -journey in a few days. - -The fulness of life! The rapture of it! I was about to attain my -supreme end, and was exalted by the prospect of it. The time was -accomplished. I had escaped the wind of death which had felled so many -others. The war might still be in progress--I must ask pardon for this -return of egoism!--At a time when my brothers were still suffering and -perishing, I awaited, with heart enthralled, the coming of my betrothed. - -How strange is destiny. I looked back upon the weeks spent, not so very -long ago, beside this girl. I had not had an inkling, then, of what -she was to be to me. How fantastic it seemed that I should be beholden -to that brutal separation. How near I had come to neglecting happiness! - -But for the War----! - -I dared to look this terrible truth in the face. Thus are hearts -tempered anew. I had had to undergo the dread ordeal by fire, which -consumes the greater number, whence a few issue, purified. - - - - -CHAPTER IV - -THE AWAKENING - - -Such was the dream I lived in. To-day, when I go over that time in -retrospect, I ask myself whether I did not experience any anxiety. Not -the least. Not for an instant did I see my sky overcast. - -I was harshly undeceived on one point though. In using it I found out -how second-rate the English article was. It answered the purpose all -right as long as I kept still, but light as it seemed it was necessary -to exert my hip to work it, which made me walk with a kind of unsightly -swing and very quickly tired me. - -I got into the habit of going out during the best hours of the day -while the fine weather lasted. Once outside, I walked slowly, putting -on the air of a loiterer. As uninitiated passers-by might well think -I was merely slightly lame, I now had to be doubly vigilant about -avoiding the least contact with the crowd. Alas! I was very unsteady; -twice I nearly fell when someone bumped into me, and people did not -apologise; the mufti I had taken to again seemed to rob me of the right -to any consideration. - -Who would believe that I almost got as far as to regret the wooden -stump? My last hopes were fixed on the American firm. I congratulated -myself upon not having cancelled my order. A fellow-sufferer had just -been introduced to me, who had been supplied with a leg by them, and I -marvelled at his young and supple carriage. - -Why did I make a point of telling Jeannine of my disillusionment? -Perhaps in order to get the answer, "What are you worrying about?" With -ambitious coquetry I boasted in advance of the wonders expected from -the other firm. - -The reply was delayed for six days, and when it came was only -four pages. The Landrys were putting the finishing touch to their -preparations. There was not a single allusion to my infirmity, which -I had told her was well on the way to being cured. No doubt she had -made a rule never to broach the subject. Having once and for all given -me proof of her tender pity she wished thenceforward to spare me the -humiliation of feeling that she even thought of it. - -Some days slipped by. I had written to her again in an affectionate -tone. Though tempted to give her to understand that it would be less -painful to show myself to her in a fortnight's time, I refrained from -making such a mistake. That was a secondary matter. Only let her come! -let her come! Oh, my love! - -At this point, there was a long silence on her part. Must it be put -down to the postal service again? No, we received our other letters -from Paris quite regularly. - -At the end of ten days I wrote her a line, saying that I was anxious. -No answer--what could I make of it? I was seized with apprehension. -Was she ill perhaps? But I should have been told about it. Had some -accident happened to her? That was more likely. If so, what was it? My -thoughts wandered, incapable of fixing themselves. - -Then, one morning, just as I got out of bed, the waiter brought me a -card. What power there is in presentiments! As I took it from him I -distinctly saw another, the one I had got from Jeannine at F---- the -day before we started. I immediately thought--why, I wonder? that was -the first, and this--this, the last! - -It was not the Paris postmark. I undid it slowly, pretending--on -whose account?--to be unmoved. One page, no more. It was headed -Juan-les-Pins, December 17, 1914. Jeannine expressed her regret at the -fact that they had been prevented from making the detour they intended, -because the time-tables fitted in so awkwardly. Her grandmother was not -very well, as a result of a great deal of worry, and found the journey -long enough without adding to it. They had arrived the day before -yesterday on the Riviera, which was not justifying its reputation, -since the sun was absent. It lacked joyousness above everything. She -added that she could not tear her thoughts away from the cold Northern -regions, where so much youth, and all the promise of the future was -succumbing. She ended by expressing the hope that we should see each -other again some day. There was no allusion to our travelling plans, -which I had mentioned to her several times. - -I stood still, thunder-struck. I mechanically began to read over the -lines again. The letters were dancing. I searched for an unexpected -meaning in them. I refused to admit.... But the conviction was secretly -gaining ground in my mind. - -When I got to the signature again, there was not an unsteady stroke. -The evolution was complete; I was ripe at last to understand. It -was the emanation of a distant, a prodigiously distant being. How -could I ever have thought--? My simplicity amazed me. Here, endless -overwhelming forebodings occurred to my mind. The imperceptibly, but -totally changed tone of her letters; the note of friendship substituted -for that of love; never a word in reference to my misfortune; the -grandmother always refraining from adding a personal message, the -long-delayed opportunity of seeing me again. Lastly, the brutal -decision: these four sentences of dismissal. - -I leant on the window looking over the hotel garden from the second -floor. A bare lawn, and leafless trees. A cold and dreary wind was -blowing, this winter morning. I pictured her, too, at her window -opening on to the sea. My thoughts sought her thoughts. Yes, I wanted -her to feel me moved by her cold, heart-breaking epistle at that -moment. Ah, and if she could have read my heart, she would have seen -that it held for her nothing but a desperate, resigned devotion. - -Move her to pity? A dead ambition. Demand an explanation? What was the -good? I saw it quite clearly. Curse her, blaspheme against her? How far -that was from my thoughts. I did not accuse her of treachery. It seemed -to me certain that at the time of the uplifting struggle she had dreamt -of me as her bridegroom of to-morrow. But since I had been damaged. My -God! What could I have reproached her with? - -Had I still supposed myself worthy to inspire contentment in a youthful -creature, inexperienced and perfect? When no engagement bound us! For -on what foundations had I built? On nothing more than an odd avowal -or two hidden here and there between the lines. Sand scattered by the -wind! I might read over her letters, those written during the last few -months and even those at the beginning. When once my own ardour had -abated I should not find in them either oath or promise; there was -nothing there, nothing had ever been expressed but a sisterly affection. - -It occurred to my mind that more than one girl of former days, brought -up in the pious ideas of devotion and self-sacrifice, would have felt -herself especially bound to proclaim as her fiance the man who had -suffered at the hands of Fate--inspirations to be respected, but, I -admitted, out of date. This generation, less sensible--I have already -said Jeannine was not the least--to the impress of religion, showed -more common sense. It was permissible for a child of our century, -however generous she might be, to trust to time to cure all heartaches, -in others and in herself, to aspire to a happiness other than sacrifice. - -Jeannine might have suffered, might be suffering still. Yes, she -must regret that what was not, might not be. It was possible that -she might carry away a picture of me which would illuminate a chaste -corner of her memory: an idol that she had not been able to bring -herself to destroy by seeing me again. It was Reason. I bowed to the -sovereign I always recognised. Does one not usually end by repenting -of a sacrifice? I glanced into the glass--I have said that I was -not dressed: ugliness, a lack of harmony, weakness. If I had given -her my arm, she would have been the one to support me. What shame, -what remorse even, there would have been for me, in paralysing this -creature, so vividly alive, in eternally hearing her pitied, she who -was born to be envied. - -I dressed with my mind a blank. I abstained, when I was ready, from -knocking at the door of the room next to mine, where my father slept. I -was afraid of letting him see the distracted look on my face. - -I went downstairs and out of doors. Where should I go to? I avoided -the frequented streets, and the park where I liked to sit. It was a -long round. How my leg weighed on me. But I forced myself to walk -quickly, as long as I continued to meet any one. When I got beyond the -suburbs some power or other abruptly ceased to support me. Faint, and -at the end of my strength, I was only just able to reach a heap of -stones, upon which I sank down. - -There was a nip in the air. The sun, like a dull ball, appeared behind -a livid curtain of cloud. - -What a feeling of irremediable collapse! All my strength, physical -and moral, was annulled. My despair alone lived on in the depths of -my frozen heart. For a long while I experienced a secret, harrowing -joy in imagining the future, such as it might have been. My sorrow was -exasperated by turning over such visions in my mind, and reached a -state of paroxysm. I could not bear it. I got up, picked up my stick, -and went on along the road. - -Not far away, beyond some fields, a line of poplars made me guess where -the Allier lay. I was drawn on by a fatal longing to reach the bank of -the river. Poor soul, born but to disappear! - -Swollen by the autumn rains, the river filled its huge bed to the -brink. It was a glaucous, sinister stretch of water. Eddying foam was -swept along on a strong current. - -I was tempted. I approached the bank. It fell away in a steep slope -towards the stream which swished along it with a monotonous gurgle. I -planted my stick at the extreme edge among the fragments of slate. I -leant over--it was horribly alluring--and I granted myself a certain -delay. - -What a stirring moment that was while my fate hung in the balance. I -had come to the end of my tether. What had brought me there? Was it -not the paltry idea of bringing remorse to birth in Jeannine's heart? -But what would she know of my wretched fate? And why revenge myself -so basely? I scrupled to annihilate the vestige of strength which I -constituted. Lastly, there was the disdain for an act of romantic -impotence. - -And then, what pulled me up short was the thought of the old man, who -must have heard me go out, who was alarmed no doubt already, whose life -hung upon my return. Then I sat down. Ceasing to hypnotise myself by -gazing at the torrent eating away the bank at my feet, my eyes strayed -to the horizon. By a stretch of the imagination it seemed to me that I -dominated the field where my individual happiness had been shattered. - -The War! Had I not come--I remember the day before--to deify the word! -Yes, it was a progressive spell. The War! While childishly attributing -the rejuvenation of my soul to it, I had ended by seeing in it the -fairy who was cruel to be kind. So many thinkers and poets had bowed -down to this terrible goddess, before me. - -My aberration fell to pieces. The War! The abominations which were -really contained in this term rose up and quelled me. - -Those villages, blazing like torches. The Meuse rolling by with its -purple slime; the woods of Montrolles with their grasses stained with -mottled patches violet, the traces of our brothers massacred there. O -death, sole enemy of man, sneering at the orgies of the sword! So many -beings who moved and loved, struck off the rolls, so many lights put -out! De Valpic, the great-hearted, and Henriot and little Fremont; -my excellent Bouillon, Prunelle, Icard; Descroix and Playoust, too, -all or almost all, without discrimination--a crowd of friends and -companions, now grimacing underground. And the anonymous multitude, -those foul masses of corpses whose odour had pursued us all through -our fighting from end to end. All that, oh! merely a prologue! As if -it was enough that a million young men should be sacrificed. To death, -to death with their elders, the fellows from thirty to forty. The -trench fighting instituted, which would last how long, O God! The sons -of the hostile races, face to face in their burrows, spitting murder -and hatred at each other, tracing with their blood the baleful line -of fire. Frenzy gaining the two fronts little by little, the zones of -slaughter being displaced and stretched out, others being made. Where -would the conflagration end? A craze for butchery sweeping through the -world. Would there be an acre in Europe, to-morrow, which had not seen -human remains decaying beneath the beaks of carrion crows, or which did -not contain them in its depths, infecting the sources of their poisoned -juices? - -Ah! when the awakening came at last, and the diplomats, old vultures, -were collected round the council-board to talk, they might congratulate -themselves as they audited the balance sheet. Broken up, ground and -crushed, these two, three, four generations of men who might have been -great, and collaborated in the common cause. So many wounded who would -soon succumb, wan wrecks, and so many others who, like myself, would -only drag out the shadow of an existence. And all the rest! The ravaged -homes, the wives abandoned to the terrors of their widowhood, the old -parents dying with curses on their lips, the children delivered over -without guidance to life's buffetings, the surplus girls especially, -deprived of their natural associates, devoted to the sorrows of -debauchery. With many of those who came back safely, the mind at least -would be affected, their faith in work sapped, their brutal instincts -let loose, and their desire for immediate enjoyment aroused. The public -wealth destroyed, want bringing revolt in its train, the emasculated -nations incapable of recovering, or even of governing themselves. The -snare of revolutions, of frightful social convulsions. What could one -depend upon henceforth? There would be no law or rule of any sort. The -religions, Art, Science, all these would be humiliated before Force. -The Ideal broken and trampled underfoot. An infected breath tainting -the sacred legacies of the past. The genius of destruction hovering -over a civilisation in ruins. That was what War meant! - -A monstrous survival of primitive errors. How I abhorred them all of a -sudden, the politics and morals which revere this scourge of God. - -As to war raising the hearts of individuals and nations, alas, who -could answer for it? For one soul purified, how many others would be -vilified! And, above all, how terrible was the remedy, a thousand times -worse than the complaint. - -War might be necessary, and it was in this case, for the defence of our -native land. Then it might give birth to the most noble effervescence. -Then in its radiance virtues might thrive like plants beneath a -tropical sun. But it remained no less the supreme calamity; the triumph -of the powers of Death. - -Care must be taken not to magnify it, not to flatter the fluctuating -mind of the nations with bellicose dreams. We must needs greet a like -catastrophe with a fiercely hostile heart, abhor it, blaspheme against -it, we miserable creatures, who had but one life to live, one brief -chance of being happy. - - - - -CHAPTER V - -A GIRL OF 1915 - - -My sister has rejoined us at Vichy with her children. We are to leave -together for the South. The idea no longer holds any attraction for me, -everything draws me in the opposite direction. But I cannot give my -reasons. I pretend to be waiting for the delivery of my order from the -American firm, not to want to move before it has arrived. Very well! -The excuse serves for a few days. But now the limb is delivered. Ten -times preferable to the other, light and strong at the same time. This -knee that bends is a marvel! Though it matters little enough to me now, -it is true. - -How am I to withstand the family urgency now? In vain I argue that I am -still weak. They all persist in extolling the advantage to be derived -from a change of air. And then the tickets have been taken and our -rooms engaged at Cannes in one of the only hotels not transformed into -hospitals. I gain a week more. Here is Christmas, and the New Year's -Day, so many All Souls' Days! Oh well, I shall have to give in. - - * * * * * - -A palace on the Antibes road; a park with luxuriant palms; a -far-reaching view over the turquoise-coloured sea. Very few people--a -diminished staff; war prices; besides, my father is making us a present -of this holiday. - -My sister-in-law at once makes inquiries about less pretentious -quarters, where we may end the winter. Getting wind of this project, -I hasten to remonstrate. She is surprised; what's the matter? Do I no -longer like this part? Didn't I choose it myself? I admit that I have -changed my mind--a convalescent's weak nerves--that I dream of less -well-known neighbourhoods, Corsica or the Morocco coast. - -It is quite true: I burn to escape from all that oppresses me on this -coast. I avoid letting my eyes rest upon the headland of La Croisette. -I can picture, too vividly, the bay behind it with its silver slopes, -the Cape d'Antibes stretching out into the sea, with the white -lighthouse at La Groupe, and, facing towards us amid the tangled mass -of verdure, that dwelling so often described to me. - -These associations overwhelm me. Be still, my heart, be still! This is -the sun which warms her, these are the waves whose murmur lulls her to -sleep, the air which quickens her. I cannot breath here! - -My people, who enjoy being at Cannes, give way to my express wish: we -are to leave again. - - * * * * * - -To-morrow will be our last day here. I am seated on the promenade. -Where are the luxurious cars with their insolent footmen? Where are the -dandies in white flannel, the fair pedestrians in toilettes fit for a -queen? The patrons of the Riviera, this year, are those poor soldiers -in faded uniforms. - -I find myself near the place where the sea-gulls used, formerly, to -whirl, catching in their flight the scraps which little girls threw to -them. They have deserted the shore. They are playing together in the -distance, skimming the gleaming surface of the waves. - -I am waiting for Madeleine and my small nephew and niece. Here they -come--she with her long veil. The passers-by think, as they meet her, -of their losses of yesterday and to-morrow. - -"A letter for you, Michel." - -"Thanks." - -I take it nonchalantly. Where is the news, to-day, with any power to -stir me? - -But the envelope torn the blood throbs in my temples! I can't -believe.... - -It is from Madame Landry! - -She writes that she has just seen my name in the _Journal des -Etrangers_ (so it still appears?). We were expected here. She and her -grand-daughter would be delighted if I would go to see them, delighted, -too, if my family would accompany me. She proposed a day, the day after -to-morrow. - -I don't know where I am. My hand tightens on the letter. Jeannine has -taken care not to add a word. My heart swells with bitterness. But why -this proceeding? - -I shall not go! I cannot go! - - * * * * * - -Oh, my sister, the only friend left to me, why did I feel a longing to -confide in someone, at the sight of your sweet melancholy? I began by -joking: - -"Halloa, an invitation!" - -You searchingly fixed your eyes, full of affection on me. - -Drawing a quadrant in the sand with the end of my stick, in a toneless -voice, which I force myself to render frivolous, I have told Madeleine -this story. But by some subtle feeling of bashfulness, I have not made -myself out as ingenuous--I should have blushed for it--as I was. I -have told her that directly I saw I had been damaged I had ceased to -indulge in a hope grown fond. Our continued correspondence had been a -consolation prize. Then when she had tired even of this game I lost -interest in it too. - -Madeleine has said to me, in her calm voice: - -"It seems to me that nothing is lost." - -I have protested. - -"I shan't go!" - -"You must go." - -"What's the use?" - -"Who can read in another's heart?" she murmured. - -And she confides in me that on the day when Victor had asked for her -hand in marriage, her mother had sent for her to consult her, as was -seemly. And she, who loved him--and how she loved her young, intrepid -soldier! This union was her one wish--she began to sob, stammering -"No," amid her tears. They were unfathomable creatures, certainly! - -But I smiled at my misery, and at this senseless renewal of intercourse. - - * * * * * - -Why have I obeyed her? Why have I got into this train alone? She would -come next time, she assured me prettily. The rear carriage without -a top races along, raising clouds of white dust. I catch frequent -glimpses of the radiant stretch of water. Here is the Juan Vallauris -Gulf. Now we are skirting the edges of the coast, the pearly foam -frolicking almost at our feet on the pale strand. - -I force myself to think of nothing. That would be best. I come to grief -over it, and my thoughts are torture. Why am I going there? Out of -cowardice? Or else is it a remnant of hope? No! We'll dismiss that -idea! Rather, I think, in order to prove to myself that I am not afraid -to suffer. - -I stiffen myself. I will be correct and cold. Cold, poor wretch! Just -now my tears welled up at the sight of the sunlit road where there -might some day have gambolled lovely children, born to us. - -I have got out, and have slowly traversed the deserted village, and -rounded the tall pine-wood. My footsteps sink into the earth--an -inconvenience shared by everyone. My jointed leg flexes at the -difficulties in the ground, and does not call attention to my drawback. -I just seem tired by my walk. - -I have forbidden myself to think, to procrastinate, or to hesitate, or -I should not have got as far as this threshold. Just as well, since I -am embarked on this fantastic adventure. No backing out of it! For a -soldier! - -There it is. I recognise the gates, overhung with ivy, from the -description they gave me. Here it is! I ring, with wonderful, -unexpected calmness. My heart has stopped beating quickly, since my -fate is sealed. - -The sound of footsteps. Is it she? No, the maid coming to open the gate -to me. Was I expected as early as this? - -A short and fairly steep pathway brings us to the flight of steps -leading up to the villa. No one at the windows--luckily! As a matter of -fact, my careless carriage cloaks my lameness. - -I have been taken into the drawing-room, and the maid has gone -to tell--A prettily furnished room, unobtrusively luxurious, and -smacking of the old _bourgeoisie_, of matured and refined taste. -Old furniture--flowers in modern vases. I go up to a table with -photographs standing on it. Here is, or, rather, are hers. This one -dates back to two years ago. She seems a child, with her hair down her -back Thus it was that she entered upon life. - -I am struck by a pastel on the wall--a gracious portrait of a young -woman. That resemblance--Her mother, no doubt; her mother, who had died -when she was twenty-four. - -A door opens. It is Madame Landry, as slim and sprightly as ever, in -her dark gown, but she has a tired expression, it is true. Is she still -an invalid? She denies it, in a few disconnected sentences, and seems -even more perturbed than I am. - -"Jeannine is just coming down," she says. - -I ask: "How is she? Quite fit?" - -"Very." - -Then, recovering herself: - -"I've been annoyed--with her." - -But here is Jeannine herself. - -I admire my self-control, for I get up and go towards her. There is -nothing constrained in my gait; I hardly drag my leg. Dazzled, and yet -at the same time clear-sighted, I look at her with a prejudiced eye. I -do not think her as lovely as she was. - -I have bowed and pressed her hand; a commonplace greeting has been -exchanged. The little brother has already appeared, and is deafening -me with a crowd of questions which I answer good-naturedly. How -easily it passes, this moment, which I had dreaded so much. We -might be back at Ballaigues: the tone of courtesy and irony--and of -indifference--recovered. - -A strange hour. The conversation does not flag. Mention is made of my -family, whose regrets I am supposed to have brought. Then I plunge into -praise of this heaven-blest country where they pass each winter. The -grandmother interrupts me. This season is the last they will spend here. - -"Really?" - -Jeannine changes the subject. - -The conversation, having wavered, naturally returns to the War. When -will it end? In the spring? Yes, after the Big Push! We return to the -first weeks. They ply me with questions. What have I seen? At first, -I decline to be drawn out. They insist--I let myself go. They listen, -and ask for details. Here is the perfect audience, interested and -impassioned. Even technical details do not repel them, this sister and -this daughter of soldiers, who have been staking out the maps with -little flags; they, too. - -I question them in my turn. It pleased me to hear them describing -Paris' proud bearing at the time of our reverses. They have a right to -speak of it, as they live there. When I mention our meeting with the -two young Red Cross members at Rosny---- - -"It might have been me," says Jeannine. "I was at St. Denis that -morning." - -Heavens! I do not know what I had feared or desired. I become -expansive. My mind is set at ease. What, is that Jeannine, who is -listening to me, leaning her chin in her hand? Is it her pure, pensive -gaze which mine meets without embarrassment? - -And the grandmother is standing up. In the most natural tone in the -world, she asks her grand-daughter to show me round the garden. - -Jeannine hesitates, and looks at her. I wonder, at this moment, if -Madame Landry has ever heard of our letters, if she sees the tragic -undercurrents to this frivolous scene which is being enacted. - -Jeannine is still considering. Is she afraid that the walk may tire me? -I get up, and reassure her in advance. She blushes. The grandmother -apologises for not accompanying us--the doctor forbids it. - -So I call little Andre--I only forestall Jeannine--that there may be a -third in the party. - -The child jumps down the steps. I walk down gingerly, holding on to the -rail; Jeannine, with her usual tact, more slowly still. - -This garden is more like a park. Trees of twenty species meet here, -mingled in a medley, with the luxuriance of primeval forests--palms, -maples, and olives; and I am made to guess the name of magnolias and -mastic trees. I admire the tangles of lichens and aloes and the "mimosa -alley," running between two hedges of gold. - -How sad and exquisitely sweet this loitering is. Our futile topics lend -it a melancholy charm. I should like to be able to detain the fleeting -moments. We are going up to the house again. I am going away--and I -shall never come back. - -"I don't like our garden any more," Jeannine suddenly declared. "I've -not been down into it three times since we got there." - -"Why not?" - -"It doesn't belong to us now. The villa is sold." - -"An accomplished fact?" - -"Yes, with everything belonging to it. To some Americans, from the -first of February." - -This astonishes me: - -"As soon as that?" - -"We had to." - -"Where are you going to spend the rest of the winter then?" - -"We shall have to go back to Paris." - -Andre seems bored by our pace, which is not lively enough for him. He -outstrips us, comes back to fetch us, and covers twice the distance we -do. - -"I am sure he's dying to show me his playground." - -"Probably," Jeannine acquiesced. - -We reach a lawn. Here is a piece of ground which has been dug up, and a -chalked line. - -"How far can you jump now, Andre?" - -"More than four yards," he exclaims. - -He leaves his straw hat in our care, goes off to get room, takes a run, -and jumps; and immediately turns round, triumphant, the four yards -cleared. - -"Bravo! You are getting on." - -"Oh, it'll be a long time before I can jump like you." - -He stops short, biting his lip. Too late. We all three redden, and -recall that summer's day when, in compliance with a request from -Jeannine, I had taken off my coat, and jumped nearly five yards on the -sand. To-day? Alas, to-day! - -Jeannine points out the croquet lawn to me, in passing. - -"And what about tennis?" - -"We've given up playing." - -I begin to feel slightly tired. Jeannine, who suspects it, slackens her -speed again, gracefully and unaffectedly. But it is heart-breaking for -me--I who have such a vivid recollection of the rhythm of her usual -pace. And had I not seen her at Ballaigues, challenging her brother to -race with her, and beating him with ease? - -The round is finished. We are going in. Andre proposes: - -"Suppose we take Mr. Dreher to the Observatory?" - -"Just what I meant to do," she says. "We'll have a rest--I'm worn out." - -Is she putting it on, to make me forget my fatigue, or is she really -tired out? Her rosy colour has certainly paled very suddenly. Her pure -face is troubled, like limpid water which has been agitated. - -Mounting some steps, we gain a shady retreat, bordering on and -overlooking the road. A parasol, three chairs, a seat, an iron railing. - -Jeannine has dropped into a chair. I have seated myself beside her. Our -eyes roam over the stretch of country in front of us. - -The short January afternoon is already drawing to a close. The sun -is sinking behind the islands, which look like deep-sea monsters, -with purple scales. The West is bathed in a luminous pallor, even the -tracery of the Esterel is hardly discernible out yonder. - -At the bottom of the orange bay, there lie white houses with red roofs -and blazing windows, flaming as if the darkness were not near at hand. -And that is the way of my destiny. The last moment of radiance, on the -threshold of the eternal night! - -Jeannine is still silent. Andre chatters, and I am glad of it, and keep -him up to it. I profess an interest in the hairy cactus creeping along -the wall. I ask him the names of certain plants, and pretend to get -muddled in order to make him laugh. - -Is it I who am talking and joking, I, who smile? There is another -desperate I, coiled up at the centre of my being. - -A tinkle. The door-bell. Andre peeps between the branches. - -"I bet it's Maurice!" - -I mechanically ask: "Who's Maurice?" - -"A little neighbour," Jeannine replies. - -"Yes, that's him all right." - -The child bounds down the steps and leaves us alone. How awkward! -Just the very thing which should have been avoided. I try to fill -up the silence with a commonplace remark--Good God! This moment of -_tete-a-tete_, for which my whole being longed in desperation in the -hours of Death! - -Andre's voice makes itself heard. He comes running back. - -"I say, Jeannine, he wants to know if I may go and play with him." - -I hardly listen to the reply. Turning away, I contemplate the violet -crest of the Esterel, which has just revealed itself in the gloaming so -boldly that it might be taken for the outline of a cloud. - -One would almost say that Jeannine was hesitating. I listen, in spite -of myself, for the words that will fall from her lips--I know she will -recall her brother. The child is too useful here. - -But, no; she says nothing. And now the little fellow begins again: - -"May I, Jeannine? May I?" - -That colourless voice, changed and dejected. - -"Very well, run along," Jeannine has said. - -The boy makes her repeat it: - -"I may go?" - -"Yes--yes." - -His footsteps fly along the gravel. - - * * * * * - -A deep chord vibrates within me. - -A trifling incident, and yet--of infinite import. Jeannine sending her -brother away. Jeannine in favour of our being alone together. - -The sea glitters in the west. Elsewhere it borrows vermilion and -wine-coloured reflections from the conflict of sun and shade. - -I consider Jeannine, her heaving bosom, her quivering eyelashes--and -her hand, her adorable child's hand, lying on the rail, hypnotises me. - -I am dreaming--I no longer recognise myself; with my leg stretched -out and relaxed, I dream that I am like others--a man, young and -impassioned; and this girl, pale and tender, the promised creature. - -Then I say: - -"Our letters--were delightful." - -Jeannine does not answer, but her hand contracts convulsively. I dare -everything. I dare to stretch out towards it my man's hand, big and -strong. I seize it, limp and warm. - -"Do you remember Le Suchet? That sunrise on the Alps." - -She turns round and looks into my eyes. The dear, tormented face--I -would give the world to banish even the shadow of a grief from it. - -"Michel----" - -She breaks off. - -"Michel, have you something to say to me?" - -Her gaze puts me to confusion. I bend down and kiss her fingers; then, -I find nothing to say to her, but this: - -"Shake hands, Jeannine." - -A feverish pressure, in which our souls, too, hold each other first. - -"Are we agreed?" - -She answers: "Yes." - -The tone of her voice is no longer veiled. I gaze on her. The suffering -has suddenly vanished from her eyes. All the brilliance has returned -to her complexion, just as it has to her glance. Again, the expression -of which I had kept such a delightful recollection, Youth smiling at -Happiness. - -Am I not assisting at a like transformation in myself? I, too, with -eyes re-opened, and heart illuminated and revived. All hail to the life -of light. - -"But, Jeannine," I ask her, at once, the past anguish throttling me -again, "why have you made me suffer so much?" - -"It was you," she murmurs. "Why did you stop writing to me?" - -"Your last letter was so cold. You never came--there." - -"I understood that you would rather we did not see you till you -were--quite cured." - -"An argument which I cannot refute. It's true--I did prefer that." - -"And then--" She lowers her voice. "There was that other matter----" - -"What matter?" - -"Which I mentioned to you." - -I do not understand. She continues in a more assured tone: - -"Well, we're ruined. We must sell everything. We don't even know if -that will be enough. Grandmother has had no luck. All her interests are -in the North. She is most dreadfully unhappy about it." - -So this was the reason. I am astounded, and stirred to the depths of my -being. I hardly dare believe--I smile: - -"Really! There really was nothing but that?" - -"I got it into my head," she says. "I wanted to put you to the proof. -You never answered me on that point." - -Nothing but this scruple. It was she who thought she had lost value! - -"All the same," she continues, sighing as if she had been pulled out of -a fathomless abyss, "if Grandmother had not been determined--that there -should be an explanation----" - -I cannot prevent myself saying: - -"I dreaded your grandmother." - -"Why?" - -"I was so much afraid she might put you off." - -"But why?" Jeannine repeats. - -Oh, that ingenuous tone. Oh, that clear gaze and pure forehead, behind -which no mental reservations could revolve. - -Her fresh voice in my ear is like a bell ringing in the days of joy. I -could weep--I could go down upon my knees. - -"You see," she says, gravely, "those of you who come back like this, -you have so great a right to choose." - - -THE END - - - - -_A Selection from the Catalogue of_ - -G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS - -[Illustration] - -Complete Catalogues sent on application - - -"_OVER THE TOP_" - -BY - -AN AMERICAN SOLDIER WHO _WENT_ - -_ARTHUR GUY EMPEY_ - -MACHINE GUNNER, SERVING IN FRANCE - - _12o 16 Illustrations and Diagrams $1.50 net - By mail, $1.60_ - -TOGETHER WITH TOMMY'S DICTIONARY OF THE TRENCHES - - -For a year and a half, until he fell wounded in No Man's Land, this -American soldier took part in more actual fighting and real warfare -than any war correspondent saw, who has written about the war. His -experiences are grim, but they are thrilling and lightened by a touch -of humor as original as the Soldiers Three. And they are _true_. - - -G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS - - NEW YORK LONDON - - -When the Prussians Came to Poland - -By - -Mme. Laura de Turczynowicz - -Marquise de Gozdawa - -12mo. Illustrated. $1.25 net. By mail, $1.35 - - -The story of an American woman, the wife of a Polish noble, caught in -her home by the floodtide of the German invasion of the ancient kingdom -of Poland. - -A straightforward narrative, terribly real, of her experiences in -the heart of the eastern war-zone, of her struggle with the extreme -conditions, of her Red Cross work, of her fight for the lives of her -children and herself against the dread Typhus, and at last, of her -release and journey through Germany and Holland to this country. How -truly she was in line of the German advance may be appreciated from -the fact that Field Marshal von Hindenburg for some days made his -headquarters under her roof. - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - -Bullets & Billets - -By - -Bruce Bairnsfather - - _12o. 18 Full-page and 23 Text Illustrations. $1.50 - By mail, $1.60_ - - -"'Bill,' 'Bert,' and 'Alf' have turned up again. Captain Bairnsfather -has written a book--a rollicking and yet serious book--about himself -and them, describing the joys and sorrows of his first six months in -the trenches. His writing is like his drawing. It suggests a masculine, -reckless, devil-may-care character and a workmanlike soldier. -Throughout the book he is as cheerful as a schoolboy in a disagreeable -football match."--_London Evening News._ - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - -Aunt Sarah and the War - -A Tale of Transformations - -_$.75 net. By mail, $.85_ - - -A story brimful of the new spirit that has come over the men and the -women of England. Those who, like the hero, have borne the hardships -of the trenches; those who, like the heroine, have felt the heart -wrench, will not soon return to the superficial and thoughtless ways -of yesterday. The book is a fine, patriotic embodiment of a nation's -spirit, as evinced by the people at home, no less than by those who are -bearing the brunt of battle. - - -G. P. Putnam's Sons - - New York London - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ORDEAL BY FIRE*** - - -******* This file should be named 60166.txt or 60166.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/6/0/1/6/60166 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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