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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The History of Don Quixote, Vol. II., Part
+30, by Miguel de Cervantes
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The History of Don Quixote, Vol. II., Part 30
+
+Author: Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
+
+Release Date: July 24, 2004 [EBook #5933]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DON QUIXOTE, PART 30 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+                           DON QUIXOTE
+
+                            Volume II.
+
+                             Part 30.
+
+                     by Miguel de Cervantes
+
+
+                    Translated by John Ormsby
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+WHEREIN IS RELATED THE STRANGE AND UNDREAMT-OF ADVENTURE OF THE
+DISTRESSED DUENNA, ALIAS THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI, TOGETHER WITH A LETTER
+WHICH SANCHO PANZA WROTE TO HIS WIFE, TERESA PANZA
+
+
+The duke had a majordomo of a very facetious and sportive turn, and he it
+was that played the part of Merlin, made all the arrangements for the
+late adventure, composed the verses, and got a page to represent
+Dulcinea; and now, with the assistance of his master and mistress, he got
+up another of the drollest and strangest contrivances that can be
+imagined.
+
+The duchess asked Sancho the next day if he had made a beginning with his
+penance task which he had to perform for the disenchantment of Dulcinea.
+He said he had, and had given himself five lashes overnight.
+
+The duchess asked him what he had given them with.
+
+He said with his hand.
+
+"That," said the duchess, "is more like giving oneself slaps than lashes;
+I am sure the sage Merlin will not be satisfied with such tenderness;
+worthy Sancho must make a scourge with claws, or a cat-o'-nine tails,
+that will make itself felt; for it's with blood that letters enter, and
+the release of so great a lady as Dulcinea will not be granted so
+cheaply, or at such a paltry price; and remember, Sancho, that works of
+charity done in a lukewarm and half-hearted way are without merit and of
+no avail."
+
+To which Sancho replied, "If your ladyship will give me a proper scourge
+or cord, I'll lay on with it, provided it does not hurt too much; for you
+must know, boor as I am, my flesh is more cotton than hemp, and it won't
+do for me to destroy myself for the good of anybody else."
+
+"So be it by all means," said the duchess; "tomorrow I'll give you a
+scourge that will be just the thing for you, and will accommodate itself
+to the tenderness of your flesh, as if it was its own sister."
+
+Then said Sancho, "Your highness must know, dear lady of my soul, that I
+have a letter written to my wife, Teresa Panza, giving her an account of
+all that has happened me since I left her; I have it here in my bosom,
+and there's nothing wanting but to put the address to it; I'd be glad if
+your discretion would read it, for I think it runs in the governor style;
+I mean the way governors ought to write."
+
+"And who dictated it?" asked the duchess.
+
+"Who should have dictated but myself, sinner as I am?" said Sancho.
+
+"And did you write it yourself?" said the duchess.
+
+"That I didn't," said Sancho; "for I can neither read nor write, though I
+can sign my name."
+
+"Let us see it," said the duchess, "for never fear but you display in it
+the quality and quantity of your wit."
+
+Sancho drew out an open letter from his bosom, and the duchess, taking
+it, found it ran in this fashion:
+
+
+SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO HIS WIFE, TERESA PANZA
+
+If I was well whipped I went mounted like a gentleman; if I have got a
+good government it is at the cost of a good whipping. Thou wilt not
+understand this just now, my Teresa; by-and-by thou wilt know what it
+means. I may tell thee, Teresa, I mean thee to go in a coach, for that is
+a matter of importance, because every other way of going is going on
+all-fours. Thou art a governor's wife; take care that nobody speaks evil
+of thee behind thy back. I send thee here a green hunting suit that my
+lady the duchess gave me; alter it so as to make a petticoat and bodice
+for our daughter. Don Quixote, my master, if I am to believe what I hear
+in these parts, is a madman of some sense, and a droll blockhead, and I
+am no way behind him. We have been in the cave of Montesinos, and the
+sage Merlin has laid hold of me for the disenchantment of Dulcinea del
+Toboso, her that is called Aldonza Lorenzo over there. With three
+thousand three hundred lashes, less five, that I'm to give myself, she
+will be left as entirely disenchanted as the mother that bore her. Say
+nothing of this to anyone; for, make thy affairs public, and some will
+say they are white and others will say they are black. I shall leave this
+in a few days for my government, to which I am going with a mighty great
+desire to make money, for they tell me all new governors set out with the
+same desire; I will feel the pulse of it and will let thee know if thou
+art to come and live with me or not. Dapple is well and sends many
+remembrances to thee; I am not going to leave him behind though they took
+me away to be Grand Turk. My lady the duchess kisses thy hands a thousand
+times; do thou make a return with two thousand, for as my master says,
+nothing costs less or is cheaper than civility. God has not been pleased
+to provide another valise for me with another hundred crowns, like the
+one the other day; but never mind, my Teresa, the bell-ringer is in safe
+quarters, and all will come out in the scouring of the government; only
+it troubles me greatly what they tell me--that once I have tasted it I
+will eat my hands off after it; and if that is so it will not come very
+cheap to me; though to be sure the maimed have a benefice of their own in
+the alms they beg for; so that one way or another thou wilt be rich and
+in luck. God give it to thee as he can, and keep me to serve thee. From
+this castle, the 20th of July, 1614.
+
+Thy husband, the governor.
+
+SANCHO PANZA
+
+
+When she had done reading the letter the duchess said to Sancho, "On two
+points the worthy governor goes rather astray; one is in saying or
+hinting that this government has been bestowed upon him for the lashes
+that he is to give himself, when he knows (and he cannot deny it) that
+when my lord the duke promised it to him nobody ever dreamt of such a
+thing as lashes; the other is that he shows himself here to be very
+covetous; and I would not have him a money-seeker, for 'covetousness
+bursts the bag,' and the covetous governor does ungoverned justice."
+
+"I don't mean it that way, senora," said Sancho; "and if you think the
+letter doesn't run as it ought to do, it's only to tear it up and make
+another; and maybe it will be a worse one if it is left to my gumption."
+
+"No, no," said the duchess, "this one will do, and I wish the duke to see
+it."
+
+With this they betook themselves to a garden where they were to dine, and
+the duchess showed Sancho's letter to the duke, who was highly delighted
+with it. They dined, and after the cloth had been removed and they had
+amused themselves for a while with Sancho's rich conversation, the
+melancholy sound of a fife and harsh discordant drum made itself heard.
+All seemed somewhat put out by this dull, confused, martial harmony,
+especially Don Quixote, who could not keep his seat from pure
+disquietude; as to Sancho, it is needless to say that fear drove him to
+his usual refuge, the side or the skirts of the duchess; and indeed and
+in truth the sound they heard was a most doleful and melancholy one.
+While they were still in uncertainty they saw advancing towards them
+through the garden two men clad in mourning robes so long and flowing
+that they trailed upon the ground. As they marched they beat two great
+drums which were likewise draped in black, and beside them came the fife
+player, black and sombre like the others. Following these came a
+personage of gigantic stature enveloped rather than clad in a gown of the
+deepest black, the skirt of which was of prodigious dimensions. Over the
+gown, girdling or crossing his figure, he had a broad baldric which was
+also black, and from which hung a huge scimitar with a black scabbard and
+furniture. He had his face covered with a transparent black veil, through
+which might be descried a very long beard as white as snow. He came on
+keeping step to the sound of the drums with great gravity and dignity;
+and, in short, his stature, his gait, the sombreness of his appearance
+and his following might well have struck with astonishment, as they did,
+all who beheld him without knowing who he was. With this measured pace
+and in this guise he advanced to kneel before the duke, who, with the
+others, awaited him standing. The duke, however, would not on any account
+allow him to speak until he had risen. The prodigious scarecrow obeyed,
+and standing up, removed the veil from his face and disclosed the most
+enormous, the longest, the whitest and the thickest beard that human eyes
+had ever beheld until that moment, and then fetching up a grave, sonorous
+voice from the depths of his broad, capacious chest, and fixing his eyes
+on the duke, he said:
+
+"Most high and mighty senor, my name is Trifaldin of the White Beard; I
+am squire to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the Distressed
+Duenna, on whose behalf I bear a message to your highness, which is that
+your magnificence will be pleased to grant her leave and permission to
+come and tell you her trouble, which is one of the strangest and most
+wonderful that the mind most familiar with trouble in the world could
+have imagined; but first she desires to know if the valiant and never
+vanquished knight, Don Quixote of La Mancha, is in this your castle, for
+she has come in quest of him on foot and without breaking her fast from
+the kingdom of Kandy to your realms here; a thing which may and ought to
+be regarded as a miracle or set down to enchantment; she is even now at
+the gate of this fortress or plaisance, and only waits for your
+permission to enter. I have spoken." And with that he coughed, and
+stroked down his beard with both his hands, and stood very tranquilly
+waiting for the response of the duke, which was to this effect: "Many
+days ago, worthy squire Trifaldin of the White Beard, we heard of the
+misfortune of my lady the Countess Trifaldi, whom the enchanters have
+caused to be called the Distressed Duenna. Bid her enter, O stupendous
+squire, and tell her that the valiant knight Don Quixote of La Mancha is
+here, and from his generous disposition she may safely promise herself
+every protection and assistance; and you may tell her, too, that if my
+aid be necessary it will not be withheld, for I am bound to give it to
+her by my quality of knight, which involves the protection of women of
+all sorts, especially widowed, wronged, and distressed dames, such as her
+ladyship seems to be."
+
+On hearing this Trifaldin bent the knee to the ground, and making a sign
+to the fifer and drummers to strike up, he turned and marched out of the
+garden to the same notes and at the same pace as when he entered, leaving
+them all amazed at his bearing and solemnity. Turning to Don Quixote, the
+duke said, "After all, renowned knight, the mists of malice and ignorance
+are unable to hide or obscure the light of valour and virtue. I say so,
+because your excellence has been barely six days in this castle, and
+already the unhappy and the afflicted come in quest of you from lands far
+distant and remote, and not in coaches or on dromedaries, but on foot and
+fasting, confident that in that mighty arm they will find a cure for
+their sorrows and troubles; thanks to your great achievements, which are
+circulated all over the known earth."
+
+"I wish, senor duke," replied Don Quixote, "that blessed ecclesiastic,
+who at table the other day showed such ill-will and bitter spite against
+knights-errant, were here now to see with his own eyes whether knights of
+the sort are needed in the world; he would at any rate learn by
+experience that those suffering any extraordinary affliction or sorrow,
+in extreme cases and unusual misfortunes do not go to look for a remedy
+to the houses of jurists or village sacristans, or to the knight who has
+never attempted to pass the bounds of his own town, or to the indolent
+courtier who only seeks for news to repeat and talk of, instead of
+striving to do deeds and exploits for others to relate and record. Relief
+in distress, help in need, protection for damsels, consolation for
+widows, are to be found in no sort of persons better than in
+knights-errant; and I give unceasing thanks to heaven that I am one, and
+regard any misfortune or suffering that may befall me in the pursuit of
+so honourable a calling as endured to good purpose. Let this duenna come
+and ask what she will, for I will effect her relief by the might of my
+arm and the dauntless resolution of my bold heart."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVII.
+
+WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA
+
+
+The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don Quixote
+fell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed, "I hope
+this senora duenna won't be putting any difficulties in the way of the
+promise of my government; for I have heard a Toledo apothecary, who
+talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas were mixed up nothing
+good could happen. God bless me, how he hated them, that same apothecary!
+And so what I'm thinking is, if all duennas, of whatever sort or
+condition they may be, are plagues and busybodies, what must they be that
+are distressed, like this Countess Three-skirts or Three-tails!--for in
+my country skirts or tails, tails or skirts, it's all one."
+
+"Hush, friend Sancho," said Don Quixote; "since this lady duenna comes in
+quest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one of those the
+apothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and when countesses serve
+as duennas it is in the service of queens and empresses, for in their own
+houses they are mistresses paramount and have other duennas to wait on
+them."
+
+To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, "My lady the
+duchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if it was the
+will of fortune; 'but laws go as kings like;' let nobody speak ill of
+duennas, above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I am not one
+myself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden duenna has over one
+that is a widow; but 'he who clipped us has kept the scissors.'"
+
+"For all that," said Sancho, "there's so much to be clipped about
+duennas, so my barber said, that 'it will be better not to stir the rice
+even though it sticks.'"
+
+"These squires," returned Dona Rodriguez, "are always our enemies; and as
+they are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watch us at every
+step, whenever they are not saying their prayers (and that's often
+enough) they spend their time in tattling about us, digging up our bones
+and burying our good name. But I can tell these walking blocks that we
+will live in spite of them, and in great houses too, though we die of
+hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate or not, with widow's weeds, as
+one covers or hides a dunghill on a procession day. By my faith, if it
+were permitted me and time allowed, I could prove, not only to those here
+present, but to all the world, that there is no virtue that is not to be
+found in a duenna."
+
+"I have no doubt," said the duchess, "that my good Dona Rodriguez is
+right, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fighting
+her own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush the
+calumny of that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in the great
+Sancho Panza's mind."
+
+To which Sancho replied, "Ever since I have sniffed the governorship I
+have got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don't care a wild fig for
+all the duennas in the world."
+
+They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had they not heard
+the notes of the fife and drums once more, from which they concluded that
+the Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. The duchess asked the duke
+if it would be proper to go out to receive her, as she was a countess and
+a person of rank.
+
+"In respect of her being a countess," said Sancho, before the duke could
+reply, "I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; but in respect
+of her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stir a step."
+
+"Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?" said Don Quixote.
+
+"Who, senor?" said Sancho; "I meddle for I have a right to meddle, as a
+squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of your
+worship, the most courteous and best-bred knight in the whole world of
+courtliness; and in these things, as I have heard your worship say, as
+much is lost by a card too many as by a card too few, and to one who has
+his ears open, few words."
+
+"Sancho is right," said the duke; "we'll see what the countess is like,
+and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her."
+
+And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and here the
+author brought this short chapter to an end and began the next, following
+up the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in the history.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVIII.
+
+WHEREIN IS TOLD THE DISTRESSED DUENNA'S TALE OF HER MISFORTUNES
+
+
+Following the melancholy musicians there filed into the garden as many as
+twelve duennas, in two lines, all dressed in ample mourning robes
+apparently of milled serge, with hoods of fine white gauze so long that
+they allowed only the border of the robe to be seen. Behind them came the
+Countess Trifaldi, the squire Trifaldin of the White Beard leading her by
+the hand, clad in the finest unnapped black baize, such that, had it a
+nap, every tuft would have shown as big as a Martos chickpea; the tail,
+or skirt, or whatever it might be called, ended in three points which
+were borne up by the hands of three pages, likewise dressed in mourning,
+forming an elegant geometrical figure with the three acute angles made by
+the three points, from which all who saw the peaked skirt concluded that
+it must be because of it the countess was called Trifaldi, as though it
+were Countess of the Three Skirts; and Benengeli says it was so, and that
+by her right name she was called the Countess Lobuna, because wolves bred
+in great numbers in her country; and if, instead of wolves, they had been
+foxes, she would have been called the Countess Zorruna, as it was the
+custom in those parts for lords to take distinctive titles from the thing
+or things most abundant in their dominions; this countess, however, in
+honour of the new fashion of her skirt, dropped Lobuna and took up
+Trifaldi.
+
+The twelve duennas and the lady came on at procession pace, their faces
+being covered with black veils, not transparent ones like Trifaldin's,
+but so close that they allowed nothing to be seen through them. As soon
+as the band of duennas was fully in sight, the duke, the duchess, and Don
+Quixote stood up, as well as all who were watching the slow-moving
+procession. The twelve duennas halted and formed a lane, along which the
+Distressed One advanced, Trifaldin still holding her hand. On seeing this
+the duke, the duchess, and Don Quixote went some twelve paces forward to
+meet her. She then, kneeling on the ground, said in a voice hoarse and
+rough, rather than fine and delicate, "May it please your highnesses not
+to offer such courtesies to this your servant, I should say to this your
+handmaid, for I am in such distress that I shall never be able to make a
+proper return, because my strange and unparalleled misfortune has carried
+off my wits, and I know not whither; but it must be a long way off, for
+the more I look for them the less I find them."
+
+"He would be wanting in wits, senora countess," said the duke, "who did
+not perceive your worth by your person, for at a glance it may be seen it
+deserves all the cream of courtesy and flower of polite usage;" and
+raising her up by the hand he led her to a seat beside the duchess, who
+likewise received her with great urbanity. Don Quixote remained silent,
+while Sancho was dying to see the features of Trifaldi and one or two of
+her many duennas; but there was no possibility of it until they
+themselves displayed them of their own accord and free will.
+
+All kept still, waiting to see who would break silence, which the
+Distressed Duenna did in these words: "I am confident, most mighty lord,
+most fair lady, and most discreet company, that my most miserable misery
+will be accorded a reception no less dispassionate than generous and
+condolent in your most valiant bosoms, for it is one that is enough to
+melt marble, soften diamonds, and mollify the steel of the most hardened
+hearts in the world; but ere it is proclaimed to your hearing, not to say
+your ears, I would fain be enlightened whether there be present in this
+society, circle, or company, that knight immaculatissimus, Don Quixote de
+la Manchissima, and his squirissimus Panza."
+
+"The Panza is here," said Sancho, before anyone could reply, "and Don
+Quixotissimus too; and so, most distressedest Duenissima, you may say
+what you willissimus, for we are all readissimus to do you any
+servissimus."
+
+On this Don Quixote rose, and addressing the Distressed Duenna, said, "If
+your sorrows, afflicted lady, can indulge in any hope of relief from the
+valour or might of any knight-errant, here are mine, which, feeble and
+limited though they be, shall be entirely devoted to your service. I am
+Don Quixote of La Mancha, whose calling it is to give aid to the needy of
+all sorts; and that being so, it is not necessary for you, senora, to
+make any appeal to benevolence, or deal in preambles, only to tell your
+woes plainly and straightforwardly: for you have hearers that will know
+how, if not to remedy them, to sympathise with them."
+
+On hearing this, the Distressed Duenna made as though she would throw
+herself at Don Quixote's feet, and actually did fall before them and
+said, as she strove to embrace them, "Before these feet and legs I cast
+myself, O unconquered knight, as before, what they are, the foundations
+and pillars of knight-errantry; these feet I desire to kiss, for upon
+their steps hangs and depends the sole remedy for my misfortune, O
+valorous errant, whose veritable achievements leave behind and eclipse
+the fabulous ones of the Amadises, Esplandians, and Belianises!" Then
+turning from Don Quixote to Sancho Panza, and grasping his hands, she
+said, "O thou, most loyal squire that ever served knight-errant in this
+present age or ages past, whose goodness is more extensive than the beard
+of Trifaldin my companion here of present, well mayest thou boast thyself
+that, in serving the great Don Quixote, thou art serving, summed up in
+one, the whole host of knights that have ever borne arms in the world. I
+conjure thee, by what thou owest to thy most loyal goodness, that thou
+wilt become my kind intercessor with thy master, that he speedily give
+aid to this most humble and most unfortunate countess."
+
+To this Sancho made answer, "As to my goodness, senora, being as long and
+as great as your squire's beard, it matters very little to me; may I have
+my soul well bearded and moustached when it comes to quit this life,
+that's the point; about beards here below I care little or nothing; but
+without all these blandishments and prayers, I will beg my master (for I
+know he loves me, and, besides, he has need of me just now for a certain
+business) to help and aid your worship as far as he can; unpack your woes
+and lay them before us, and leave us to deal with them, for we'll be all
+of one mind."
+
+The duke and duchess, as it was they who had made the experiment of this
+adventure, were ready to burst with laughter at all this, and between
+themselves they commended the clever acting of the Trifaldi, who,
+returning to her seat, said, "Queen Dona Maguncia reigned over the famous
+kingdom of Kandy, which lies between the great Trapobana and the Southern
+Sea, two leagues beyond Cape Comorin. She was the widow of King
+Archipiela, her lord and husband, and of their marriage they had issue
+the Princess Antonomasia, heiress of the kingdom; which Princess
+Antonomasia was reared and brought up under my care and direction, I
+being the oldest and highest in rank of her mother's duennas. Time
+passed, and the young Antonomasia reached the age of fourteen, and such a
+perfection of beauty, that nature could not raise it higher. Then, it
+must not be supposed her intelligence was childish; she was as
+intelligent as she was fair, and she was fairer than all the world; and
+is so still, unless the envious fates and hard-hearted sisters three have
+cut for her the thread of life. But that they have not, for Heaven will
+not suffer so great a wrong to Earth, as it would be to pluck unripe the
+grapes of the fairest vineyard on its surface. Of this beauty, to which
+my poor feeble tongue has failed to do justice, countless princes, not
+only of that country, but of others, were enamoured, and among them a
+private gentleman, who was at the court, dared to raise his thoughts to
+the heaven of so great beauty, trusting to his youth, his gallant
+bearing, his numerous accomplishments and graces, and his quickness and
+readiness of wit; for I may tell your highnesses, if I am not wearying
+you, that he played the guitar so as to make it speak, and he was,
+besides, a poet and a great dancer, and he could make birdcages so well,
+that by making them alone he might have gained a livelihood, had he found
+himself reduced to utter poverty; and gifts and graces of this kind are
+enough to bring down a mountain, not to say a tender young girl. But all
+his gallantry, wit, and gaiety, all his graces and accomplishments, would
+have been of little or no avail towards gaining the fortress of my pupil,
+had not the impudent thief taken the precaution of gaining me over first.
+First, the villain and heartless vagabond sought to win my good-will and
+purchase my compliance, so as to get me, like a treacherous warder, to
+deliver up to him the keys of the fortress I had in charge. In a word, he
+gained an influence over my mind, and overcame my resolutions with I know
+not what trinkets and jewels he gave me; but it was some verses I heard
+him singing one night from a grating that opened on the street where he
+lived, that, more than anything else, made me give way and led to my
+fall; and if I remember rightly they ran thus:
+
+  From that sweet enemy of mine
+  My bleeding heart hath had its wound;
+  And to increase the pain I'm bound
+  To suffer and to make no sign.
+
+The lines seemed pearls to me and his voice sweet as syrup; and
+afterwards, I may say ever since then, looking at the misfortune into
+which I have fallen, I have thought that poets, as Plato advised, ought
+to be banished from all well-ordered States; at least the amatory ones,
+for they write verses, not like those of 'The Marquis of Mantua,' that
+delight and draw tears from the women and children, but sharp-pointed
+conceits that pierce the heart like soft thorns, and like the lightning
+strike it, leaving the raiment uninjured. Another time he sang:
+
+  Come Death, so subtly veiled that I
+  Thy coming know not, how or when,
+  Lest it should give me life again
+  To find how sweet it is to die.
+
+--and other verses and burdens of the same sort, such as enchant when
+sung and fascinate when written. And then, when they condescend to
+compose a sort of verse that was at that time in vogue in Kandy, which
+they call seguidillas! Then it is that hearts leap and laughter breaks
+forth, and the body grows restless and all the senses turn quicksilver.
+And so I say, sirs, that these troubadours richly deserve to be banished
+to the isles of the lizards. Though it is not they that are in fault, but
+the simpletons that extol them, and the fools that believe in them; and
+had I been the faithful duenna I should have been, his stale conceits
+would have never moved me, nor should I have been taken in by such
+phrases as 'in death I live,' 'in ice I burn,' 'in flames I shiver,'
+'hopeless I hope,' 'I go and stay,' and paradoxes of that sort which
+their writings are full of. And then when they promise the Phoenix of
+Arabia, the crown of Ariadne, the horses of the Sun, the pearls of the
+South, the gold of Tibar, and the balsam of Panchaia! Then it is they
+give a loose to their pens, for it costs them little to make promises
+they have no intention or power of fulfilling. But where am I wandering
+to? Woe is me, unfortunate being! What madness or folly leads me to speak
+of the faults of others, when there is so much to be said about my own?
+Again, woe is me, hapless that I am! it was not verses that conquered me,
+but my own simplicity; it was not music made me yield, but my own
+imprudence; my own great ignorance and little caution opened the way and
+cleared the path for Don Clavijo's advances, for that was the name of the
+gentleman I have referred to; and so, with my help as go-between, he
+found his way many a time into the chamber of the deceived Antonomasia
+(deceived not by him but by me) under the title of a lawful husband; for,
+sinner though I was, would not have allowed him to approach the edge of
+her shoe-sole without being her husband. No, no, not that; marriage must
+come first in any business of this sort that I take in hand. But there
+was one hitch in this case, which was that of inequality of rank, Don
+Clavijo being a private gentleman, and the Princess Antonomasia, as I
+said, heiress to the kingdom. The entanglement remained for some time a
+secret, kept hidden by my cunning precautions, until I perceived that a
+certain expansion of waist in Antonomasia must before long disclose it,
+the dread of which made us all there take counsel together, and it was
+agreed that before the mischief came to light, Don Clavijo should demand
+Antonomasia as his wife before the Vicar, in virtue of an agreement to
+marry him made by the princess, and drafted by my wit in such binding
+terms that the might of Samson could not have broken it. The necessary
+steps were taken; the Vicar saw the agreement, and took the lady's
+confession; she confessed everything in full, and he ordered her into the
+custody of a very worthy alguacil of the court."
+
+"Are there alguacils of the court in Kandy, too," said Sancho at this,
+"and poets, and seguidillas? I swear I think the world is the same all
+over! But make haste, Senora Trifaldi; for it is late, and I am dying to
+know the end of this long story."
+
+"I will," replied the countess.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIX.
+
+IN WHICH THE TRIFALDI CONTINUES HER MARVELLOUS AND MEMORABLE STORY
+
+
+By every word that Sancho uttered, the duchess was as much delighted as
+Don Quixote was driven to desperation. He bade him hold his tongue, and
+the Distressed One went on to say: "At length, after much questioning and
+answering, as the princess held to her story, without changing or varying
+her previous declaration, the Vicar gave his decision in favour of Don
+Clavijo, and she was delivered over to him as his lawful wife; which the
+Queen Dona Maguncia, the Princess Antonomasia's mother, so took to heart,
+that within the space of three days we buried her."
+
+"She died, no doubt," said Sancho.
+
+"Of course," said Trifaldin; "they don't bury living people in Kandy,
+only the dead."
+
+"Senor Squire," said Sancho, "a man in a swoon has been known to be
+buried before now, in the belief that he was dead; and it struck me that
+Queen Maguncia ought to have swooned rather than died; because with life
+a great many things come right, and the princess's folly was not so great
+that she need feel it so keenly. If the lady had married some page of
+hers, or some other servant of the house, as many another has done, so I
+have heard say, then the mischief would have been past curing. But to
+marry such an elegant accomplished gentleman as has been just now
+described to us--indeed, indeed, though it was a folly, it was not such a
+great one as you think; for according to the rules of my master here--and
+he won't allow me to lie--as of men of letters bishops are made, so of
+gentlemen knights, specially if they be errant, kings and emperors may be
+made."
+
+"Thou art right, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "for with a knight-errant, if
+he has but two fingers' breadth of good fortune, it is on the cards to
+become the mightiest lord on earth. But let senora the Distressed One
+proceed; for I suspect she has got yet to tell us the bitter part of this
+so far sweet story."
+
+"The bitter is indeed to come," said the countess; "and such bitter that
+colocynth is sweet and oleander toothsome in comparison. The queen, then,
+being dead, and not in a swoon, we buried her; and hardly had we covered
+her with earth, hardly had we said our last farewells, when, quis talia
+fando temperet a lachrymis? over the queen's grave there appeared,
+mounted upon a wooden horse, the giant Malambruno, Maguncia's first
+cousin, who besides being cruel is an enchanter; and he, to revenge the
+death of his cousin, punish the audacity of Don Clavijo, and in wrath at
+the contumacy of Antonomasia, left them both enchanted by his art on the
+grave itself; she being changed into an ape of brass, and he into a
+horrible crocodile of some unknown metal; while between the two there
+stands a pillar, also of metal, with certain characters in the Syriac
+language inscribed upon it, which, being translated into Kandian, and now
+into Castilian, contain the following sentence: 'These two rash lovers
+shall not recover their former shape until the valiant Manchegan comes to
+do battle with me in single combat; for the Fates reserve this unexampled
+adventure for his mighty valour alone.' This done, he drew from its
+sheath a huge broad scimitar, and seizing me by the hair he made as
+though he meant to cut my throat and shear my head clean off. I was
+terror-stricken, my voice stuck in my throat, and I was in the deepest
+distress; nevertheless I summoned up my strength as well as I could, and
+in a trembling and piteous voice I addressed such words to him as induced
+him to stay the infliction of a punishment so severe. He then caused all
+the duennas of the palace, those that are here present, to be brought
+before him; and after having dwelt upon the enormity of our offence, and
+denounced duennas, their characters, their evil ways and worse intrigues,
+laying to the charge of all what I alone was guilty of, he said he would
+not visit us with capital punishment, but with others of a slow nature
+which would be in effect civil death for ever; and the very instant he
+ceased speaking we all felt the pores of our faces opening, and pricking
+us, as if with the points of needles. We at once put our hands up to our
+faces and found ourselves in the state you now see."
+
+Here the Distressed One and the other duennas raised the veils with which
+they were covered, and disclosed countenances all bristling with beards,
+some red, some black, some white, and some grizzled, at which spectacle
+the duke and duchess made a show of being filled with wonder. Don Quixote
+and Sancho were overwhelmed with amazement, and the bystanders lost in
+astonishment, while the Trifaldi went on to say: "Thus did that
+malevolent villain Malambruno punish us, covering the tenderness and
+softness of our faces with these rough bristles! Would to heaven that he
+had swept off our heads with his enormous scimitar instead of obscuring
+the light of our countenances with these wool-combings that cover us! For
+if we look into the matter, sirs (and what I am now going to say I would
+say with eyes flowing like fountains, only that the thought of our
+misfortune and the oceans they have already wept, keep them as dry as
+barley spears, and so I say it without tears), where, I ask, can a duenna
+with a beard to to? What father or mother will feel pity for her? Who
+will help her? For, if even when she has a smooth skin, and a face
+tortured by a thousand kinds of washes and cosmetics, she can hardly get
+anybody to love her, what will she do when she shows a countenace turned
+into a thicket? Oh duennas, companions mine! it was an unlucky moment
+when we were born and an ill-starred hour when our fathers begot us!" And
+as she said this she showed signs of being about to faint.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XL.
+
+OF MATTERS RELATING AND BELONGING TO THIS ADVENTURE AND TO THIS MEMORABLE
+HISTORY
+
+
+Verily and truly all those who find pleasure in histories like this ought
+show their gratitude to Cide Hamete, its original author, for the
+scrupulous care he has taken to set before us all its minute particulars,
+not leaving anything, however trifling it may be, that he does not make
+clear and plain. He portrays the thoughts, he reveals the fancies, he
+answers implied questions, clears up doubts, sets objections at rest,
+and, in a word, makes plain the smallest points the most inquisitive can
+desire to know. O renowned author! O happy Don Quixote! O famous famous
+droll Sancho! All and each, may ye live countless ages for the delight
+and amusement of the dwellers on earth!
+
+The history goes on to say that when Sancho saw the Distressed One faint
+he exclaimed: "I swear by the faith of an honest man and the shades of
+all my ancestors the Panzas, that never I did see or hear of, nor has my
+master related or conceived in his mind, such an adventure as this. A
+thousand devils--not to curse thee--take thee, Malambruno, for an
+enchanter and a giant! Couldst thou find no other sort of punishment for
+these sinners but bearding them? Would it not have been better--it would
+have been better for them--to have taken off half their noses from the
+middle upwards, even though they'd have snuffled when they spoke, than to
+have put beards on them? I'll bet they have not the means of paying
+anybody to shave them."
+
+"That is the truth, senor," said one of the twelve; "we have not the
+money to get ourselves shaved, and so we have, some of us, taken to using
+sticking-plasters by way of an economical remedy, for by applying them to
+our faces and plucking them off with a jerk we are left as bare and
+smooth as the bottom of a stone mortar. There are, to be sure, women in
+Kandy that go about from house to house to remove down, and trim
+eyebrows, and make cosmetics for the use of the women, but we, the
+duennas of my lady, would never let them in, for most of them have a
+flavour of agents that have ceased to be principals; and if we are not
+relieved by Senor Don Quixote we shall be carried to our graves with
+beards."
+
+"I will pluck out my own in the land of the Moors," said Don Quixote, "if
+I don't cure yours."
+
+At this instant the Trifaldi recovered from her swoon and said, "The
+chink of that promise, valiant knight, reached my ears in the midst of my
+swoon, and has been the means of reviving me and bringing back my senses;
+and so once more I implore you, illustrious errant, indomitable sir, to
+let your gracious promises be turned into deeds."
+
+"There shall be no delay on my part," said Don Quixote. "Bethink you,
+senora, of what I must do, for my heart is most eager to serve you."
+
+"The fact is," replied the Distressed One, "it is five thousand leagues,
+a couple more or less, from this to the kingdom of Kandy, if you go by
+land; but if you go through the air and in a straight line, it is three
+thousand two hundred and twenty-seven. You must know, too, that
+Malambruno told me that, whenever fate provided the knight our deliverer,
+he himself would send him a steed far better and with less tricks than a
+post-horse; for he will be that same wooden horse on which the valiant
+Pierres carried off the fair Magalona; which said horse is guided by a
+peg he has in his forehead that serves for a bridle, and flies through
+the air with such rapidity that you would fancy the very devils were
+carrying him. This horse, according to ancient tradition, was made by
+Merlin. He lent him to Pierres, who was a friend of his, and who made
+long journeys with him, and, as has been said, carried off the fair
+Magalona, bearing her through the air on its haunches and making all who
+beheld them from the earth gape with astonishment; and he never lent him
+save to those whom he loved or those who paid him well; and since the
+great Pierres we know of no one having mounted him until now. From him
+Malambruno stole him by his magic art, and he has him now in his
+possession, and makes use of him in his journeys which he constantly
+makes through different parts of the world; he is here to-day, to-morrow
+in France, and the next day in Potosi; and the best of it is the said
+horse neither eats nor sleeps nor wears out shoes, and goes at an ambling
+pace through the air without wings, so that he whom he has mounted upon
+him can carry a cup full of water in his hand without spilling a drop, so
+smoothly and easily does he go, for which reason the fair Magalona
+enjoyed riding him greatly."
+
+"For going smoothly and easily," said Sancho at this, "give me my Dapple,
+though he can't go through the air; but on the ground I'll back him
+against all the amblers in the world."
+
+They all laughed, and the Distressed One continued: "And this same horse,
+if so be that Malambruno is disposed to put an end to our sufferings,
+will be here before us ere the night shall have advanced half an hour;
+for he announced to me that the sign he would give me whereby I might
+know that I had found the knight I was in quest of, would be to send me
+the horse wherever he might be, speedily and promptly."
+
+"And how many is there room for on this horse?" asked Sancho.
+
+"Two," said the Distressed One, "one in the saddle, and the other on the
+croup; and generally these two are knight and squire, when there is no
+damsel that's being carried off."
+
+"I'd like to know, Senora Distressed One," said Sancho, "what is the name
+of this horse?"
+
+"His name," said the Distressed One, "is not the same as Bellerophon's
+horse that was called Pegasus, or Alexander the Great's, called
+Bucephalus, or Orlando Furioso's, the name of which was Brigliador, nor
+yet Bayard, the horse of Reinaldos of Montalvan, nor Frontino like
+Ruggiero's, nor Bootes or Peritoa, as they say the horses of the sun were
+called, nor is he called Orelia, like the horse on which the unfortunate
+Rodrigo, the last king of the Goths, rode to the battle where he lost his
+life and his kingdom."
+
+"I'll bet," said Sancho, "that as they have given him none of these
+famous names of well-known horses, no more have they given him the name
+of my master's Rocinante, which for being apt surpasses all that have
+been mentioned."
+
+"That is true," said the bearded countess, "still it fits him very well,
+for he is called Clavileno the Swift, which name is in accordance with
+his being made of wood, with the peg he has in his forehead, and with the
+swift pace at which he travels; and so, as far as name goes, he may
+compare with the famous Rocinante."
+
+"I have nothing to say against his name," said Sancho; "but with what
+sort of bridle or halter is he managed?"
+
+"I have said already," said the Trifaldi, "that it is with a peg, by
+turning which to one side or the other the knight who rides him makes him
+go as he pleases, either through the upper air, or skimming and almost
+sweeping the earth, or else in that middle course that is sought and
+followed in all well-regulated proceedings."
+
+"I'd like to see him," said Sancho; "but to fancy I'm going to mount him,
+either in the saddle or on the croup, is to ask pears of the elm tree. A
+good joke indeed! I can hardly keep my seat upon Dapple, and on a
+pack-saddle softer than silk itself, and here they'd have me hold on upon
+haunches of plank without pad or cushion of any sort! Gad, I have no
+notion of bruising myself to get rid of anyone's beard; let each one
+shave himself as best he can; I'm not going to accompany my master on any
+such long journey; besides, I can't give any help to the shaving of these
+beards as I can to the disenchantment of my lady Dulcinea."
+
+"Yes, you can, my friend," replied the Trifaldi; "and so much, that
+without you, so I understand, we shall be able to do nothing."
+
+"In the king's name!" exclaimed Sancho, "what have squires got to do with
+the adventures of their masters? Are they to have the fame of such as
+they go through, and we the labour? Body o' me! if the historians would
+only say, 'Such and such a knight finished such and such an adventure,
+but with the help of so and so, his squire, without which it would have
+been impossible for him to accomplish it;' but they write curtly, "Don
+Paralipomenon of the Three Stars accomplished the adventure of the six
+monsters;' without mentioning such a person as his squire, who was there
+all the time, just as if there was no such being. Once more, sirs, I say
+my master may go alone, and much good may it do him; and I'll stay here
+in the company of my lady the duchess; and maybe when he comes back, he
+will find the lady Dulcinea's affair ever so much advanced; for I mean in
+leisure hours, and at idle moments, to give myself a spell of whipping
+without so much as a hair to cover me."
+
+"For all that you must go if it be necessary, my good Sancho," said the
+duchess, "for they are worthy folk who ask you; and the faces of these
+ladies must not remain overgrown in this way because of your idle fears;
+that would be a hard case indeed."
+
+"In the king's name, once more!" said Sancho; "If this charitable work
+were to be done for the sake of damsels in confinement or charity-girls,
+a man might expose himself to some hardships; but to bear it for the sake
+of stripping beards off duennas! Devil take it! I'd sooner see them all
+bearded, from the highest to the lowest, and from the most prudish to the
+most affected."
+
+"You are very hard on duennas, Sancho my friend," said the duchess; "you
+incline very much to the opinion of the Toledo apothecary. But indeed you
+are wrong; there are duennas in my house that may serve as patterns of
+duennas; and here is my Dona Rodriguez, who will not allow me to say
+otherwise."
+
+"Your excellence may say it if you like," said the Rodriguez; "for God
+knows the truth of everything; and whether we duennas are good or bad,
+bearded or smooth, we are our mothers' daughters like other women; and as
+God sent us into the world, he knows why he did, and on his mercy I rely,
+and not on anybody's beard."
+
+"Well, Senora Rodriguez, Senora Trifaldi, and present company," said Don
+Quixote, "I trust in Heaven that it will look with kindly eyes upon your
+troubles, for Sancho will do as I bid him. Only let Clavileno come and
+let me find myself face to face with Malambruno, and I am certain no
+razor will shave you more easily than my sword shall shave Malambruno's
+head off his shoulders; for 'God bears with the wicked, but not for
+ever."
+
+"Ah!" exclaimed the Distressed One at this, "may all the stars of the
+celestial regions look down upon your greatness with benign eyes, valiant
+knight, and shed every prosperity and valour upon your heart, that it may
+be the shield and safeguard of the abused and downtrodden race of
+duennas, detested by apothecaries, sneered at by squires, and made game
+of by pages. Ill betide the jade that in the flower of her youth would
+not sooner become a nun than a duenna! Unfortunate beings that we are, we
+duennas! Though we may be descended in the direct male line from Hector
+of Troy himself, our mistresses never fail to address us as 'you' if they
+think it makes queens of them. O giant Malambruno, though thou art an
+enchanter, thou art true to thy promises. Send us now the peerless
+Clavileno, that our misfortune may be brought to an end; for if the hot
+weather sets in and these beards of ours are still there, alas for our
+lot!"
+
+The Trifaldi said this in such a pathetic way that she drew tears from
+the eyes of all and even Sancho's filled up; and he resolved in his heart
+to accompany his master to the uttermost ends of the earth, if so be the
+removal of the wool from those venerable countenances depended upon it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLI.
+
+OF THE ARRIVAL OF CLAVILENO AND THE END OF THIS PROTRACTED ADVENTURE
+
+
+And now night came, and with it the appointed time for the arrival of the
+famous horse Clavileno, the non-appearance of which was already beginning
+to make Don Quixote uneasy, for it struck him that, as Malambruno was so
+long about sending it, either he himself was not the knight for whom the
+adventure was reserved, or else Malambruno did not dare to meet him in
+single combat. But lo! suddenly there came into the garden four wild-men
+all clad in green ivy bearing on their shoulders a great wooden horse.
+They placed it on its feet on the ground, and one of the wild-men said,
+"Let the knight who has heart for it mount this machine."
+
+Here Sancho exclaimed, "I don't mount, for neither have I the heart nor
+am I a knight."
+
+"And let the squire, if he has one," continued the wild-man, "take his
+seat on the croup, and let him trust the valiant Malambruno; for by no
+sword save his, nor by the malice of any other, shall he be assailed. It
+is but to turn this peg the horse has in his neck, and he will bear them
+through the air to where Malambruno awaits them; but lest the vast
+elevation of their course should make them giddy, their eyes must be
+covered until the horse neighs, which will be the sign of their having
+completed their journey."
+
+With these words, leaving Clavileno behind them, they retired with easy
+dignity the way they came. As soon as the Distressed One saw the horse,
+almost in tears she exclaimed to Don Quixote, "Valiant knight, the
+promise of Malambruno has proved trustworthy; the horse has come, our
+beards are growing, and by every hair in them all of us implore thee to
+shave and shear us, as it is only mounting him with thy squire and making
+a happy beginning with your new journey."
+
+"That I will, Senora Countess Trifaldi," said Don Quixote, "most gladly
+and with right goodwill, without stopping to take a cushion or put on my
+spurs, so as not to lose time, such is my desire to see you and all these
+duennas shaved clean."
+
+"That I won't," said Sancho, "with good-will or bad-will, or any way at
+all; and if this shaving can't be done without my mounting on the croup,
+my master had better look out for another squire to go with him, and
+these ladies for some other way of making their faces smooth; I'm no
+witch to have a taste for travelling through the air. What would my
+islanders say when they heard their governor was going, strolling about
+on the winds? And another thing, as it is three thousand and odd leagues
+from this to Kandy, if the horse tires, or the giant takes huff, we'll be
+half a dozen years getting back, and there won't be isle or island in the
+world that will know me: and so, as it is a common saying 'in delay
+there's danger,' and 'when they offer thee a heifer run with a halter,'
+these ladies' beards must excuse me; 'Saint Peter is very well in Rome;'
+I mean I am very well in this house where so much is made of me, and I
+hope for such a good thing from the master as to see myself a governor."
+
+"Friend Sancho," said the duke at this, "the island that I have promised
+you is not a moving one, or one that will run away; it has roots so
+deeply buried in the bowels of the earth that it will be no easy matter
+to pluck it up or shift it from where it is; you know as well as I do
+that there is no sort of office of any importance that is not obtained by
+a bribe of some kind, great or small; well then, that which I look to
+receive for this government is that you go with your master Don Quixote,
+and bring this memorable adventure to a conclusion; and whether you
+return on Clavileno as quickly as his speed seems to promise, or adverse
+fortune brings you back on foot travelling as a pilgrim from hostel to
+hostel and from inn to inn, you will always find your island on your
+return where you left it, and your islanders with the same eagerness they
+have always had to receive you as their governor, and my good-will will
+remain the same; doubt not the truth of this, Senor Sancho, for that
+would be grievously wronging my disposition to serve you."
+
+"Say no more, senor," said Sancho; "I am a poor squire and not equal to
+carrying so much courtesy; let my master mount; bandage my eyes and
+commit me to God's care, and tell me if I may commend myself to our Lord
+or call upon the angels to protect me when we go towering up there."
+
+To this the Trifaldi made answer, "Sancho, you may freely commend
+yourself to God or whom you will; for Malambruno though an enchanter is a
+Christian, and works his enchantments with great circumspection, taking
+very good care not to fall out with anyone."
+
+"Well then," said Sancho, "God and the most holy Trinity of Gaeta give me
+help!"
+
+"Since the memorable adventure of the fulling mills," said Don Quixote,
+"I have never seen Sancho in such a fright as now; were I as
+superstitious as others his abject fear would cause me some little
+trepidation of spirit. But come here, Sancho, for with the leave of these
+gentles I would say a word or two to thee in private;" and drawing Sancho
+aside among the trees of the garden and seizing both his hands he said,
+"Thou seest, brother Sancho, the long journey we have before us, and God
+knows when we shall return, or what leisure or opportunities this
+business will allow us; I wish thee therefore to retire now to thy
+chamber, as though thou wert going to fetch something required for the
+road, and in a trice give thyself if it be only five hundred lashes on
+account of the three thousand three hundred to which thou art bound; it
+will be all to the good, and to make a beginning with a thing is to have
+it half finished."
+
+"By God," said Sancho, "but your worship must be out of your senses! This
+is like the common saying, 'You see me with child, and you want me a
+virgin.' Just as I'm about to go sitting on a bare board, your worship
+would have me score my backside! Indeed, your worship is not reasonable.
+Let us be off to shave these duennas; and on our return I promise on my
+word to make such haste to wipe off all that's due as will satisfy your
+worship; I can't say more."
+
+"Well, I will comfort myself with that promise, my good Sancho," replied
+Don Quixote, "and I believe thou wilt keep it; for indeed though stupid
+thou art veracious."
+
+"I'm not voracious," said Sancho, "only peckish; but even if I was a
+little, still I'd keep my word."
+
+With this they went back to mount Clavileno, and as they were about to do
+so Don Quixote said, "Cover thine eyes, Sancho, and mount; for one who
+sends for us from lands so far distant cannot mean to deceive us for the
+sake of the paltry glory to be derived from deceiving persons who trust
+in him; though all should turn out the contrary of what I hope, no malice
+will be able to dim the glory of having undertaken this exploit."
+
+"Let us be off, senor," said Sancho, "for I have taken the beards and
+tears of these ladies deeply to heart, and I shan't eat a bit to relish
+it until I have seen them restored to their former smoothness. Mount,
+your worship, and blindfold yourself, for if I am to go on the croup, it
+is plain the rider in the saddle must mount first."
+
+"That is true," said Don Quixote, and, taking a handkerchief out of his
+pocket, he begged the Distressed One to bandage his eyes very carefully;
+but after having them bandaged he uncovered them again, saying, "If my
+memory does not deceive me, I have read in Virgil of the Palladium of
+Troy, a wooden horse the Greeks offered to the goddess Pallas, which was
+big with armed knights, who were afterwards the destruction of Troy; so
+it would be as well to see, first of all, what Clavileno has in his
+stomach."
+
+"There is no occasion," said the Distressed One; "I will be bail for him,
+and I know that Malambruno has nothing tricky or treacherous about him;
+you may mount without any fear, Senor Don Quixote; on my head be it if
+any harm befalls you."
+
+Don Quixote thought that to say anything further with regard to his
+safety would be putting his courage in an unfavourable light; and so,
+without more words, he mounted Clavileno, and tried the peg, which turned
+easily; and as he had no stirrups and his legs hung down, he looked like
+nothing so much as a figure in some Roman triumph painted or embroidered
+on a Flemish tapestry.
+
+Much against the grain, and very slowly, Sancho proceeded to mount, and,
+after settling himself as well as he could on the croup, found it rather
+hard, and not at all soft, and asked the duke if it would be possible to
+oblige him with a pad of some kind, or a cushion; even if it were off the
+couch of his lady the duchess, or the bed of one of the pages; as the
+haunches of that horse were more like marble than wood. On this the
+Trifaldi observed that Clavileno would not bear any kind of harness or
+trappings, and that his best plan would be to sit sideways like a woman,
+as in that way he would not feel the hardness so much.
+
+Sancho did so, and, bidding them farewell, allowed his eyes to be
+bandaged, but immediately afterwards uncovered them again, and looking
+tenderly and tearfully on those in the garden, bade them help him in his
+present strait with plenty of Paternosters and Ave Marias, that God might
+provide some one to say as many for them, whenever they found themselves
+in a similar emergency.
+
+At this Don Quixote exclaimed, "Art thou on the gallows, thief, or at thy
+last moment, to use pitiful entreaties of that sort? Cowardly, spiritless
+creature, art thou not in the very place the fair Magalona occupied, and
+from which she descended, not into the grave, but to become Queen of
+France; unless the histories lie? And I who am here beside thee, may I
+not put myself on a par with the valiant Pierres, who pressed this very
+spot that I now press? Cover thine eyes, cover thine eyes, abject animal,
+and let not thy fear escape thy lips, at least in my presence."
+
+"Blindfold me," said Sancho; "as you won't let me commend myself or be
+commended to God, is it any wonder if I am afraid there is a region of
+devils about here that will carry us off to Peralvillo?"
+
+They were then blindfolded, and Don Quixote, finding himself settled to
+his satisfaction, felt for the peg, and the instant he placed his fingers
+on it, all the duennas and all who stood by lifted up their voices
+exclaiming, "God guide thee, valiant knight! God be with thee, intrepid
+squire! Now, now ye go cleaving the air more swiftly than an arrow! Now
+ye begin to amaze and astonish all who are gazing at you from the earth!
+Take care not to wobble about, valiant Sancho! Mind thou fall not, for
+thy fall will be worse than that rash youth's who tried to steer the
+chariot of his father the Sun!"
+
+As Sancho heard the voices, clinging tightly to his master and winding
+his arms round him, he said, "Senor, how do they make out we are going up
+so high, if their voices reach us here and they seem to be speaking quite
+close to us?"
+
+"Don't mind that, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "for as affairs of this
+sort, and flights like this are out of the common course of things, you
+can see and hear as much as you like a thousand leagues off; but don't
+squeeze me so tight or thou wilt upset me; and really I know not what
+thou hast to be uneasy or frightened at, for I can safely swear I never
+mounted a smoother-going steed all the days of my life; one would fancy
+we never stirred from one place. Banish fear, my friend, for indeed
+everything is going as it ought, and we have the wind astern."
+
+"That's true," said Sancho, "for such a strong wind comes against me on
+this side, that it seems as if people were blowing on me with a thousand
+pair of bellows;" which was the case; they were puffing at him with a
+great pair of bellows; for the whole adventure was so well planned by the
+duke, the duchess, and their majordomo, that nothing was omitted to make
+it perfectly successful.
+
+Don Quixote now, feeling the blast, said, "Beyond a doubt, Sancho, we
+must have already reached the second region of the air, where the hail
+and snow are generated; the thunder, the lightning, and the thunderbolts
+are engendered in the third region, and if we go on ascending at this
+rate, we shall shortly plunge into the region of fire, and I know not how
+to regulate this peg, so as not to mount up where we shall be burned."
+
+And now they began to warm their faces, from a distance, with tow that
+could be easily set on fire and extinguished again, fixed on the end of a
+cane. On feeling the heat Sancho said, "May I die if we are not already
+in that fire place, or very near it, for a good part of my beard has been
+singed, and I have a mind, senor, to uncover and see whereabouts we are."
+
+"Do nothing of the kind," said Don Quixote; "remember the true story of
+the licentiate Torralva that the devils carried flying through the air
+riding on a stick with his eyes shut; who in twelve hours reached Rome
+and dismounted at Torre di Nona, which is a street of the city, and saw
+the whole sack and storming and the death of Bourbon, and was back in
+Madrid the next morning, where he gave an account of all he had seen; and
+he said moreover that as he was going through the air, the devil bade him
+open his eyes, and he did so, and saw himself so near the body of the
+moon, so it seemed to him, that he could have laid hold of it with his
+hand, and that he did not dare to look at the earth lest he should be
+seized with giddiness. So that, Sancho, it will not do for us to uncover
+ourselves, for he who has us in charge will be responsible for us; and
+perhaps we are gaining an altitude and mounting up to enable us to
+descend at one swoop on the kingdom of Kandy, as the saker or falcon does
+on the heron, so as to seize it however high it may soar; and though it
+seems to us not half an hour since we left the garden, believe me we must
+have travelled a great distance."
+
+"I don't know how that may be," said Sancho; "all I know is that if the
+Senora Magallanes or Magalona was satisfied with this croup, she could
+not have been very tender of flesh."
+
+The duke, the duchess, and all in the garden were listening to the
+conversation of the two heroes, and were beyond measure amused by it; and
+now, desirous of putting a finishing touch to this rare and
+well-contrived adventure, they applied a light to Clavileno's tail with
+some tow, and the horse, being full of squibs and crackers, immediately
+blew up with a prodigious noise, and brought Don Quixote and Sancho Panza
+to the ground half singed. By this time the bearded band of duennas, the
+Trifaldi and all, had vanished from the garden, and those that remained
+lay stretched on the ground as if in a swoon. Don Quixote and Sancho got
+up rather shaken, and, looking about them, were filled with amazement at
+finding themselves in the same garden from which they had started, and
+seeing such a number of people stretched on the ground; and their
+astonishment was increased when at one side of the garden they perceived
+a tall lance planted in the ground, and hanging from it by two cords of
+green silk a smooth white parchment on which there was the following
+inscription in large gold letters: "The illustrious knight Don Quixote of
+La Mancha has, by merely attempting it, finished and concluded the
+adventure of the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the Distressed
+Duenna; Malambruno is now satisfied on every point, the chins of the
+duennas are now smooth and clean, and King Don Clavijo and Queen
+Antonomasia in their original form; and when the squirely flagellation
+shall have been completed, the white dove shall find herself delivered
+from the pestiferous gerfalcons that persecute her, and in the arms of
+her beloved mate; for such is the decree of the sage Merlin,
+arch-enchanter of enchanters."
+
+As soon as Don Quixote had read the inscription on the parchment he
+perceived clearly that it referred to the disenchantment of Dulcinea, and
+returning hearty thanks to heaven that he had with so little danger
+achieved so grand an exploit as to restore to their former complexion the
+countenances of those venerable duennas, he advanced towards the duke and
+duchess, who had not yet come to themselves, and taking the duke by the
+hand he said, "Be of good cheer, worthy sir, be of good cheer; it's
+nothing at all; the adventure is now over and without any harm done, as
+the inscription fixed on this post shows plainly."
+
+The duke came to himself slowly and like one recovering consciousness
+after a heavy sleep, and the duchess and all who had fallen prostrate
+about the garden did the same, with such demonstrations of wonder and
+amazement that they would have almost persuaded one that what they
+pretended so adroitly in jest had happened to them in reality. The duke
+read the placard with half-shut eyes, and then ran to embrace Don Quixote
+with-open arms, declaring him to be the best knight that had ever been
+seen in any age. Sancho kept looking about for the Distressed One, to see
+what her face was like without the beard, and if she was as fair as her
+elegant person promised; but they told him that, the instant Clavileno
+descended flaming through the air and came to the ground, the whole band
+of duennas with the Trifaldi vanished, and that they were already shaved
+and without a stump left.
+
+The duchess asked Sancho how he had fared on that long journey, to which
+Sancho replied, "I felt, senora, that we were flying through the region
+of fire, as my master told me, and I wanted to uncover my eyes for a bit;
+but my master, when I asked leave to uncover myself, would not let me;
+but as I have a little bit of curiosity about me, and a desire to know
+what is forbidden and kept from me, quietly and without anyone seeing me
+I drew aside the handkerchief covering my eyes ever so little, close to
+my nose, and from underneath looked towards the earth, and it seemed to
+me that it was altogether no bigger than a grain of mustard seed, and
+that the men walking on it were little bigger than hazel nuts; so you may
+see how high we must have got to then."
+
+To this the duchess said, "Sancho, my friend, mind what you are saying;
+it seems you could not have seen the earth, but only the men walking on
+it; for if the earth looked to you like a grain of mustard seed, and each
+man like a hazel nut, one man alone would have covered the whole earth."
+
+"That is true," said Sancho, "but for all that I got a glimpse of a bit
+of one side of it, and saw it all."
+
+"Take care, Sancho," said the duchess, "with a bit of one side one does
+not see the whole of what one looks at."
+
+"I don't understand that way of looking at things," said Sancho; "I only
+know that your ladyship will do well to bear in mind that as we were
+flying by enchantment so I might have seen the whole earth and all the
+men by enchantment whatever way I looked; and if you won't believe this,
+no more will you believe that, uncovering myself nearly to the eyebrows,
+I saw myself so close to the sky that there was not a palm and a half
+between me and it; and by everything that I can swear by, senora, it is
+mighty great! And it so happened we came by where the seven goats are,
+and by God and upon my soul, as in my youth I was a goatherd in my own
+country, as soon as I saw them I felt a longing to be among them for a
+little, and if I had not given way to it I think I'd have burst. So I
+come and take, and what do I do? without saying anything to anybody, not
+even to my master, softly and quietly I got down from Clavileno and
+amused myself with the goats--which are like violets, like flowers--for
+nigh three-quarters of an hour; and Clavileno never stirred or moved from
+one spot."
+
+"And while the good Sancho was amusing himself with the goats," said the
+duke, "how did Senor Don Quixote amuse himself?"
+
+To which Don Quixote replied, "As all these things and such like
+occurrences are out of the ordinary course of nature, it is no wonder
+that Sancho says what he does; for my own part I can only say that I did
+not uncover my eyes either above or below, nor did I see sky or earth or
+sea or shore. It is true I felt that I was passing through the region of
+the air, and even that I touched that of fire; but that we passed farther
+I cannot believe; for the region of fire being between the heaven of the
+moon and the last region of the air, we could not have reached that
+heaven where the seven goats Sancho speaks of are without being burned;
+and as we were not burned, either Sancho is lying or Sancho is dreaming."
+
+"I am neither lying nor dreaming," said Sancho; "only ask me the tokens
+of those same goats, and you'll see by that whether I'm telling the truth
+or not."
+
+"Tell us them then, Sancho," said the duchess.
+
+"Two of them," said Sancho, "are green, two blood-red, two blue, and one
+a mixture of all colours."
+
+"An odd sort of goat, that," said the duke; "in this earthly region of
+ours we have no such colours; I mean goats of such colours."
+
+"That's very plain," said Sancho; "of course there must be a difference
+between the goats of heaven and the goats of the earth."
+
+"Tell me, Sancho," said the duke, "did you see any he-goat among those
+goats?"
+
+"No, senor," said Sancho; "but I have heard say that none ever passed the
+horns of the moon."
+
+They did not care to ask him anything more about his journey, for they
+saw he was in the vein to go rambling all over the heavens giving an
+account of everything that went on there, without having ever stirred
+from the garden. Such, in short, was the end of the adventure of the
+Distressed Duenna, which gave the duke and duchess laughing matter not
+only for the time being, but for all their lives, and Sancho something to
+talk about for ages, if he lived so long; but Don Quixote, coming close
+to his ear, said to him, "Sancho, as you would have us believe what you
+saw in heaven, I require you to believe me as to what I saw in the cave
+of Montesinos; I say no more."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLII.
+
+OF THE COUNSELS WHICH DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA BEFORE HE SET OUT TO
+GOVERN THE ISLAND, TOGETHER WITH OTHER WELL-CONSIDERED MATTERS
+
+
+The duke and duchess were so well pleased with the successful and droll
+result of the adventure of the Distressed One, that they resolved to
+carry on the joke, seeing what a fit subject they had to deal with for
+making it all pass for reality. So having laid their plans and given
+instructions to their servants and vassals how to behave to Sancho in his
+government of the promised island, the next day, that following
+Clavileno's flight, the duke told Sancho to prepare and get ready to go
+and be governor, for his islanders were already looking out for him as
+for the showers of May.
+
+Sancho made him an obeisance, and said, "Ever since I came down from
+heaven, and from the top of it beheld the earth, and saw how little it
+is, the great desire I had to be a governor has been partly cooled in me;
+for what is there grand in being ruler on a grain of mustard seed, or
+what dignity or authority in governing half a dozen men about as big as
+hazel nuts; for, so far as I could see, there were no more on the whole
+earth? If your lordship would be so good as to give me ever so small a
+bit of heaven, were it no more than half a league, I'd rather have it
+than the best island in the world."
+
+"Recollect, Sancho," said the duke, "I cannot give a bit of heaven, no
+not so much as the breadth of my nail, to anyone; rewards and favours of
+that sort are reserved for God alone. What I can give I give you, and
+that is a real, genuine island, compact, well proportioned, and
+uncommonly fertile and fruitful, where, if you know how to use your
+opportunities, you may, with the help of the world's riches, gain those
+of heaven."
+
+"Well then," said Sancho, "let the island come; and I'll try and be such
+a governor, that in spite of scoundrels I'll go to heaven; and it's not
+from any craving to quit my own humble condition or better myself, but
+from the desire I have to try what it tastes like to be a governor."
+
+"If you once make trial of it, Sancho," said the duke, "you'll eat your
+fingers off after the government, so sweet a thing is it to command and
+be obeyed. Depend upon it when your master comes to be emperor (as he
+will beyond a doubt from the course his affairs are taking), it will be
+no easy matter to wrest the dignity from him, and he will be sore and
+sorry at heart to have been so long without becoming one."
+
+"Senor," said Sancho, "it is my belief it's a good thing to be in
+command, if it's only over a drove of cattle."
+
+"May I be buried with you, Sancho," said the duke, "but you know
+everything; I hope you will make as good a governor as your sagacity
+promises; and that is all I have to say; and now remember to-morrow is
+the day you must set out for the government of the island, and this
+evening they will provide you with the proper attire for you to wear, and
+all things requisite for your departure."
+
+"Let them dress me as they like," said Sancho; "however I'm dressed I'll
+be Sancho Panza."
+
+"That's true," said the duke; "but one's dress must be suited to the
+office or rank one holds; for it would not do for a jurist to dress like
+a soldier, or a soldier like a priest. You, Sancho, shall go partly as a
+lawyer, partly as a captain, for, in the island I am giving you, arms are
+needed as much as letters, and letters as much as arms."
+
+"Of letters I know but little," said Sancho, "for I don't even know the A
+B C; but it is enough for me to have the Christus in my memory to be a
+good governor. As for arms, I'll handle those they give me till I drop,
+and then, God be my help!"
+
+"With so good a memory," said the duke, "Sancho cannot go wrong in
+anything."
+
+Here Don Quixote joined them; and learning what passed, and how soon
+Sancho was to go to his government, he with the duke's permission took
+him by the hand, and retired to his room with him for the purpose of
+giving him advice as to how he was to demean himself in his office. As
+soon as they had entered the chamber he closed the door after him, and
+almost by force made Sancho sit down beside him, and in a quiet tone thus
+addressed him: "I give infinite thanks to heaven, friend Sancho, that,
+before I have met with any good luck, fortune has come forward to meet
+thee. I who counted upon my good fortune to discharge the recompense of
+thy services, find myself still waiting for advancement, while thou,
+before the time, and contrary to all reasonable expectation, seest
+thyself blessed in the fulfillment of thy desires. Some will bribe, beg,
+solicit, rise early, entreat, persist, without attaining the object of
+their suit; while another comes, and without knowing why or wherefore,
+finds himself invested with the place or office so many have sued for;
+and here it is that the common saying, 'There is good luck as well as bad
+luck in suits,' applies. Thou, who, to my thinking, art beyond all doubt
+a dullard, without early rising or night watching or taking any trouble,
+with the mere breath of knight-errantry that has breathed upon thee,
+seest thyself without more ado governor of an island, as though it were a
+mere matter of course. This I say, Sancho, that thou attribute not the
+favour thou hast received to thine own merits, but give thanks to heaven
+that disposes matters beneficently, and secondly thanks to the great
+power the profession of knight-errantry contains in itself. With a heart,
+then, inclined to believe what I have said to thee, attend, my son, to
+thy Cato here who would counsel thee and be thy polestar and guide to
+direct and pilot thee to a safe haven out of this stormy sea wherein thou
+art about to ingulf thyself; for offices and great trusts are nothing
+else but a mighty gulf of troubles.
+
+"First of all, my son, thou must fear God, for in the fear of him is
+wisdom, and being wise thou canst not err in aught.
+
+"Secondly, thou must keep in view what thou art, striving to know
+thyself, the most difficult thing to know that the mind can imagine. If
+thou knowest thyself, it will follow thou wilt not puff thyself up like
+the frog that strove to make himself as large as the ox; if thou dost,
+the recollection of having kept pigs in thine own country will serve as
+the ugly feet for the wheel of thy folly."
+
+"That's the truth," said Sancho; "but that was when I was a boy;
+afterwards when I was something more of a man it was geese I kept, not
+pigs. But to my thinking that has nothing to do with it; for all who are
+governors don't come of a kingly stock."
+
+"True," said Don Quixote, "and for that reason those who are not of noble
+origin should take care that the dignity of the office they hold he
+accompanied by a gentle suavity, which wisely managed will save them from
+the sneers of malice that no station escapes.
+
+"Glory in thy humble birth, Sancho, and be not ashamed of saying thou art
+peasant-born; for when it is seen thou art not ashamed no one will set
+himself to put thee to the blush; and pride thyself rather upon being one
+of lowly virtue than a lofty sinner. Countless are they who, born of mean
+parentage, have risen to the highest dignities, pontifical and imperial,
+and of the truth of this I could give thee instances enough to weary
+thee.
+
+"Remember, Sancho, if thou make virtue thy aim, and take a pride in doing
+virtuous actions, thou wilt have no cause to envy those who have princely
+and lordly ones, for blood is an inheritance, but virtue an acquisition,
+and virtue has in itself alone a worth that blood does not possess.
+
+"This being so, if perchance anyone of thy kinsfolk should come to see
+thee when thou art in thine island, thou art not to repel or slight him,
+but on the contrary to welcome him, entertain him, and make much of him;
+for in so doing thou wilt be approved of heaven (which is not pleased
+that any should despise what it hath made), and wilt comply with the laws
+of well-ordered nature.
+
+"If thou carriest thy wife with thee (and it is not well for those that
+administer governments to be long without their wives), teach and
+instruct her, and strive to smooth down her natural roughness; for all
+that may be gained by a wise governor may be lost and wasted by a boorish
+stupid wife.
+
+"If perchance thou art left a widower--a thing which may happen--and in
+virtue of thy office seekest a consort of higher degree, choose not one
+to serve thee for a hook, or for a fishing-rod, or for the hood of thy
+'won't have it;' for verily, I tell thee, for all the judge's wife
+receives, the husband will be held accountable at the general calling to
+account; where he will have repay in death fourfold, items that in life
+he regarded as naught.
+
+"Never go by arbitrary law, which is so much favoured by ignorant men who
+plume themselves on cleverness.
+
+"Let the tears of the poor man find with thee more compassion, but not
+more justice, than the pleadings of the rich.
+
+"Strive to lay bare the truth, as well amid the promises and presents of
+the rich man, as amid the sobs and entreaties of the poor.
+
+"When equity may and should be brought into play, press not the utmost
+rigour of the law against the guilty; for the reputation of the stern
+judge stands not higher than that of the compassionate.
+
+"If perchance thou permittest the staff of justice to swerve, let it be
+not by the weight of a gift, but by that of mercy.
+
+"If it should happen thee to give judgment in the cause of one who is
+thine enemy, turn thy thoughts away from thy injury and fix them on the
+justice of the case.
+
+"Let not thine own passion blind thee in another man's cause; for the
+errors thou wilt thus commit will be most frequently irremediable; or if
+not, only to be remedied at the expense of thy good name and even of thy
+fortune.
+
+"If any handsome woman come to seek justice of thee, turn away thine eyes
+from her tears and thine ears from her lamentations, and consider
+deliberately the merits of her demand, if thou wouldst not have thy
+reason swept away by her weeping, and thy rectitude by her sighs.
+
+"Abuse not by word him whom thou hast to punish in deed, for the pain of
+punishment is enough for the unfortunate without the addition of thine
+objurgations.
+
+"Bear in mind that the culprit who comes under thy jurisdiction is but a
+miserable man subject to all the propensities of our depraved nature, and
+so far as may be in thy power show thyself lenient and forbearing; for
+though the attributes of God are all equal, to our eyes that of mercy is
+brighter and loftier than that of justice.
+
+"If thou followest these precepts and rules, Sancho, thy days will be
+long, thy fame eternal, thy reward abundant, thy felicity unutterable;
+thou wilt marry thy children as thou wouldst; they and thy grandchildren
+will bear titles; thou wilt live in peace and concord with all men; and,
+when life draws to a close, death will come to thee in calm and ripe old
+age, and the light and loving hands of thy great-grandchildren will close
+thine eyes.
+
+"What I have thus far addressed to thee are instructions for the
+adornment of thy mind; listen now to those which tend to that of the
+body."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIII.
+
+OF THE SECOND SET OF COUNSELS DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA
+
+
+Who, hearing the foregoing discourse of Don Quixote, would not have set
+him down for a person of great good sense and greater rectitude of
+purpose? But, as has been frequently observed in the course of this great
+history, he only talked nonsense when he touched on chivalry, and in
+discussing all other subjects showed that he had a clear and unbiassed
+understanding; so that at every turn his acts gave the lie to his
+intellect, and his intellect to his acts; but in the case of these second
+counsels that he gave Sancho he showed himself to have a lively turn of
+humour, and displayed conspicuously his wisdom, and also his folly.
+
+Sancho listened to him with the deepest attention, and endeavoured to fix
+his counsels in his memory, like one who meant to follow them and by
+their means bring the full promise of his government to a happy issue.
+Don Quixote, then, went on to say:
+
+"With regard to the mode in which thou shouldst govern thy person and thy
+house, Sancho, the first charge I have to give thee is to be clean, and
+to cut thy nails, not letting them grow as some do, whose ignorance makes
+them fancy that long nails are an ornament to their hands, as if those
+excrescences they neglect to cut were nails, and not the talons of a
+lizard-catching kestrel--a filthy and unnatural abuse.
+
+"Go not ungirt and loose, Sancho; for disordered attire is a sign of an
+unstable mind, unless indeed the slovenliness and slackness is to be set
+down to craft, as was the common opinion in the case of Julius Caesar.
+
+"Ascertain cautiously what thy office may be worth; and if it will allow
+thee to give liveries to thy servants, give them respectable and
+serviceable, rather than showy and gay ones, and divide them between thy
+servants and the poor; that is to say, if thou canst clothe six pages,
+clothe three and three poor men, and thus thou wilt have pages for heaven
+and pages for earth; the vainglorious never think of this new mode of
+giving liveries.
+
+"Eat not garlic nor onions, lest they find out thy boorish origin by the
+smell; walk slowly and speak deliberately, but not in such a way as to
+make it seem thou art listening to thyself, for all affectation is bad.
+
+"Dine sparingly and sup more sparingly still; for the health of the whole
+body is forged in the workshop of the stomach.
+
+"Be temperate in drinking, bearing in mind that wine in excess keeps
+neither secrets nor promises.
+
+"Take care, Sancho, not to chew on both sides, and not to eruct in
+anybody's presence."
+
+"Eruct!" said Sancho; "I don't know what that means."
+
+"To eruct, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "means to belch, and that is one of
+the filthiest words in the Spanish language, though a very expressive
+one; and therefore nice folk have had recourse to the Latin, and instead
+of belch say eruct, and instead of belches say eructations; and if some
+do not understand these terms it matters little, for custom will bring
+them into use in the course of time, so that they will be readily
+understood; this is the way a language is enriched; custom and the public
+are all-powerful there."
+
+"In truth, senor," said Sancho, "one of the counsels and cautions I mean
+to bear in mind shall be this, not to belch, for I'm constantly doing
+it."
+
+"Eruct, Sancho, not belch," said Don Quixote.
+
+"Eruct, I shall say henceforth, and I swear not to forget it," said
+Sancho.
+
+"Likewise, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "thou must not mingle such a
+quantity of proverbs in thy discourse as thou dost; for though proverbs
+are short maxims, thou dost drag them in so often by the head and
+shoulders that they savour more of nonsense than of maxims."
+
+"God alone can cure that," said Sancho; "for I have more proverbs in me
+than a book, and when I speak they come so thick together into my mouth
+that they fall to fighting among themselves to get out; that's why my
+tongue lets fly the first that come, though they may not be pat to the
+purpose. But I'll take care henceforward to use such as befit the dignity
+of my office; for 'in a house where there's plenty, supper is soon
+cooked,' and 'he who binds does not wrangle,' and 'the bell-ringer's in a
+safe berth,' and 'giving and keeping require brains.'"
+
+"That's it, Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "pack, tack, string proverbs
+together; nobody is hindering thee! 'My mother beats me, and I go on with
+my tricks.' I am bidding thee avoid proverbs, and here in a second thou
+hast shot out a whole litany of them, which have as much to do with what
+we are talking about as 'over the hills of Ubeda.' Mind, Sancho, I do not
+say that a proverb aptly brought in is objectionable; but to pile up and
+string together proverbs at random makes conversation dull and vulgar.
+
+"When thou ridest on horseback, do not go lolling with thy body on the
+back of the saddle, nor carry thy legs stiff or sticking out from the
+horse's belly, nor yet sit so loosely that one would suppose thou wert on
+Dapple; for the seat on a horse makes gentlemen of some and grooms of
+others.
+
+"Be moderate in thy sleep; for he who does not rise early does not get
+the benefit of the day; and remember, Sancho, diligence is the mother of
+good fortune, and indolence, its opposite, never yet attained the object
+of an honest ambition.
+
+"The last counsel I will give thee now, though it does not tend to bodily
+improvement, I would have thee carry carefully in thy memory, for I
+believe it will be no less useful to thee than those I have given thee
+already, and it is this--never engage in a dispute about families, at
+least in the way of comparing them one with another; for necessarily one
+of those compared will be better than the other, and thou wilt be hated
+by the one thou hast disparaged, and get nothing in any shape from the
+one thou hast exalted.
+
+"Thy attire shall be hose of full length, a long jerkin, and a cloak a
+trifle longer; loose breeches by no means, for they are becoming neither
+for gentlemen nor for governors.
+
+"For the present, Sancho, this is all that has occurred to me to advise
+thee; as time goes by and occasions arise my instructions shall follow,
+if thou take care to let me know how thou art circumstanced."
+
+"Senor," said Sancho, "I see well enough that all these things your
+worship has said to me are good, holy, and profitable; but what use will
+they be to me if I don't remember one of them? To be sure that about not
+letting my nails grow, and marrying again if I have the chance, will not
+slip out of my head; but all that other hash, muddle, and jumble--I don't
+and can't recollect any more of it than of last year's clouds; so it must
+be given me in writing; for though I can't either read or write, I'll
+give it to my confessor, to drive it into me and remind me of it whenever
+it is necessary."
+
+"Ah, sinner that I am!" said Don Quixote, "how bad it looks in governors
+not to know how to read or write; for let me tell thee, Sancho, when a
+man knows not how to read, or is left-handed, it argues one of two
+things; either that he was the son of exceedingly mean and lowly parents,
+or that he himself was so incorrigible and ill-conditioned that neither
+good company nor good teaching could make any impression on him. It is a
+great defect that thou labourest under, and therefore I would have thee
+learn at any rate to sign thy name." "I can sign my name well enough,"
+said Sancho, "for when I was steward of the brotherhood in my village I
+learned to make certain letters, like the marks on bales of goods, which
+they told me made out my name. Besides I can pretend my right hand is
+disabled and make some one else sign for me, for 'there's a remedy for
+everything except death;' and as I shall be in command and hold the
+staff, I can do as I like; moreover, 'he who has the alcalde for his
+father-,' and I'll be governor, and that's higher than alcalde. Only come
+and see! Let them make light of me and abuse me; 'they'll come for wool
+and go back shorn;' 'whom God loves, his house is known to Him;' 'the
+silly sayings of the rich pass for saws in the world;' and as I'll be
+rich, being a governor, and at the same time generous, as I mean to be,
+no fault will be seen in me. 'Only make yourself honey and the flies will
+suck you;' 'as much as thou hast so much art thou worth,' as my
+grandmother used to say; and 'thou canst have no revenge of a man of
+substance.'"
+
+"Oh, God's curse upon thee, Sancho!" here exclaimed Don Quixote; "sixty
+thousand devils fly away with thee and thy proverbs! For the last hour
+thou hast been stringing them together and inflicting the pangs of
+torture on me with every one of them. Those proverbs will bring thee to
+the gallows one day, I promise thee; thy subjects will take the
+government from thee, or there will be revolts among them. Tell me, where
+dost thou pick them up, thou booby? How dost thou apply them, thou
+blockhead? For with me, to utter one and make it apply properly, I have
+to sweat and labour as if I were digging."
+
+"By God, master mine," said Sancho, "your worship is making a fuss about
+very little. Why the devil should you be vexed if I make use of what is
+my own? And I have got nothing else, nor any other stock in trade except
+proverbs and more proverbs; and here are three just this instant come
+into my head, pat to the purpose and like pears in a basket; but I won't
+repeat them, for 'sage silence is called Sancho.'"
+
+"That, Sancho, thou art not," said Don Quixote; "for not only art thou
+not sage silence, but thou art pestilent prate and perversity; still I
+would like to know what three proverbs have just now come into thy
+memory, for I have been turning over mine own--and it is a good one--and
+none occurs to me."
+
+"What can be better," said Sancho, "than 'never put thy thumbs between
+two back teeth;' and 'to "get out of my house" and "what do you want with
+my wife?" there is no answer;' and 'whether the pitcher hits the stove,
+or the stove the pitcher, it's a bad business for the pitcher;' all which
+fit to a hair? For no one should quarrel with his governor, or him in
+authority over him, because he will come off the worst, as he does who
+puts his finger between two back and if they are not back teeth it makes
+no difference, so long as they are teeth; and to whatever the governor
+may say there's no answer, any more than to 'get out of my house' and
+'what do you want with my wife?' and then, as for that about the stone
+and the pitcher, a blind man could see that. So that he 'who sees the
+mote in another's eye had need to see the beam in his own,' that it be
+not said of himself, 'the dead woman was frightened at the one with her
+throat cut;' and your worship knows well that 'the fool knows more in his
+own house than the wise man in another's.'"
+
+"Nay, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "the fool knows nothing, either in his
+own house or in anybody else's, for no wise structure of any sort can
+stand on a foundation of folly; but let us say no more about it, Sancho,
+for if thou governest badly, thine will be the fault and mine the shame;
+but I comfort myself with having done my duty in advising thee as
+earnestly and as wisely as I could; and thus I am released from my
+obligations and my promise. God guide thee, Sancho, and govern thee in
+thy government, and deliver me from the misgiving I have that thou wilt
+turn the whole island upside down, a thing I might easily prevent by
+explaining to the duke what thou art and telling him that all that fat
+little person of thine is nothing else but a sack full of proverbs and
+sauciness."
+
+"Senor," said Sancho, "if your worship thinks I'm not fit for this
+government, I give it up on the spot; for the mere black of the nail of
+my soul is dearer to me than my whole body; and I can live just as well,
+simple Sancho, on bread and onions, as governor, on partridges and
+capons; and what's more, while we're asleep we're all equal, great and
+small, rich and poor. But if your worship looks into it, you will see it
+was your worship alone that put me on to this business of governing; for
+I know no more about the government of islands than a buzzard; and if
+there's any reason to think that because of my being a governor the devil
+will get hold of me, I'd rather go Sancho to heaven than governor to
+hell."
+
+"By God, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "for those last words thou hast
+uttered alone, I consider thou deservest to be governor of a thousand
+islands. Thou hast good natural instincts, without which no knowledge is
+worth anything; commend thyself to God, and try not to swerve in the
+pursuit of thy main object; I mean, always make it thy aim and fixed
+purpose to do right in all matters that come before thee, for heaven
+always helps good intentions; and now let us go to dinner, for I think my
+lord and lady are waiting for us."
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The History of Don Quixote, Vol. II.,
+Part 30, by Miguel de Cervantes
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