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diff --git a/old/mhmph10.txt b/old/mhmph10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a66d5bc --- /dev/null +++ b/old/mhmph10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5099 @@ +*****The Project Gutenberg Etext of Master Humphrey's Clock***** +#5 in our series by Charles Dickens + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +Master Humphrey's Clock by Charles Dickens +Scanned and proofed by David Price +ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +Master Humphrey's Clock + +by Charles Dickens + + + +CHAPTER I - MASTER HUMPHREY, FROM HIS CLOCK-SIDE IN THE CHIMNEY +CORNER + + + +THE reader must not expect to know where I live. At present, it is +true, my abode may be a question of little or no import to anybody; +but if I should carry my readers with me, as I hope to do, and +there should spring up between them and me feelings of homely +affection and regard attaching something of interest to matters +ever so slightly connected with my fortunes or my speculations, +even my place of residence might one day have a kind of charm for +them. Bearing this possible contingency in mind, I wish them to +understand, in the outset, that they must never expect to know it. + +I am not a churlish old man. Friendless I can never be, for all +mankind are my kindred, and I am on ill terms with no one member of +my great family. But for many years I have led a lonely, solitary +life; - what wound I sought to heal, what sorrow to forget, +originally, matters not now; it is sufficient that retirement has +become a habit with me, and that I am unwilling to break the spell +which for so long a time has shed its quiet influence upon my home +and heart. + +I live in a venerable suburb of London, in an old house which in +bygone days was a famous resort for merry roysterers and peerless +ladies, long since departed. It is a silent, shady place, with a +paved courtyard so full of echoes, that sometimes I am tempted to +believe that faint responses to the noises of old times linger +there yet, and that these ghosts of sound haunt my footsteps as I +pace it up and down. I am the more confirmed in this belief, +because, of late years, the echoes that attend my walks have been +less loud and marked than they were wont to be; and it is +pleasanter to imagine in them the rustling of silk brocade, and the +light step of some lovely girl, than to recognise in their altered +note the failing tread of an old man. + +Those who like to read of brilliant rooms and gorgeous furniture +would derive but little pleasure from a minute description of my +simple dwelling. It is dear to me for the same reason that they +would hold it in slight regard. Its worm-eaten doors, and low +ceilings crossed by clumsy beams; its walls of wainscot, dark +stairs, and gaping closets; its small chambers, communicating with +each other by winding passages or narrow steps; its many nooks, +scarce larger than its corner-cupboards; its very dust and dulness, +are all dear to me. The moth and spider are my constant tenants; +for in my house the one basks in his long sleep, and the other +plies his busy loom secure and undisturbed. I have a pleasure in +thinking on a summer's day how many butterflies have sprung for the +first time into light and sunshine from some dark corner of these +old walls. + +When I first came to live here, which was many years ago, the +neighbours were curious to know who I was, and whence I came, and +why I lived so much alone. As time went on, and they still +remained unsatisfied on these points, I became the centre of a +popular ferment, extending for half a mile round, and in one +direction for a full mile. Various rumours were circulated to my +prejudice. I was a spy, an infidel, a conjurer, a kidnapper of +children, a refugee, a priest, a monster. Mothers caught up their +infants and ran into their houses as I passed; men eyed me +spitefully, and muttered threats and curses. I was the object of +suspicion and distrust - ay, of downright hatred too. + +But when in course of time they found I did no harm, but, on the +contrary, inclined towards them despite their unjust usage, they +began to relent. I found my footsteps no longer dogged, as they +had often been before, and observed that the women and children no +longer retreated, but would stand and gaze at me as I passed their +doors. I took this for a good omen, and waited patiently for +better times. By degrees I began to make friends among these +humble folks; and though they were yet shy of speaking, would give +them 'good day,' and so pass on. In a little time, those whom I +had thus accosted would make a point of coming to their doors and +windows at the usual hour, and nod or courtesy to me; children, +too, came timidly within my reach, and ran away quite scared when I +patted their heads and bade them be good at school. These little +people soon grew more familiar. From exchanging mere words of +course with my older neighbours, I gradually became their friend +and adviser, the depositary of their cares and sorrows, and +sometimes, it may be, the reliever, in my small way, of their +distresses. And now I never walk abroad but pleasant recognitions +and smiling faces wait on Master Humphrey. + +It was a whim of mine, perhaps as a whet to the curiosity of my +neighbours, and a kind of retaliation upon them for their +suspicions - it was, I say, a whim of mine, when I first took up my +abode in this place, to acknowledge no other name than Humphrey. +With my detractors, I was Ugly Humphrey. When I began to convert +them into friends, I was Mr. Humphrey and Old Mr. Humphrey. At +length I settled down into plain Master Humphrey, which was +understood to be the title most pleasant to my ear; and so +completely a matter of course has it become, that sometimes when I +am taking my morning walk in my little courtyard, I overhear my +barber - who has a profound respect for me, and would not, I am +sure, abridge my honours for the world - holding forth on the other +side of the wall, touching the state of 'Master Humphrey's' health, +and communicating to some friend the substance of the conversation +that he and Master Humphrey have had together in the course of the +shaving which he has just concluded. + +That I may not make acquaintance with my readers under false +pretences, or give them cause to complain hereafter that I have +withheld any matter which it was essential for them to have learnt +at first, I wish them to know - and I smile sorrowfully to think +that the time has been when the confession would have given me pain +- that I am a misshapen, deformed old man. + +I have never been made a misanthrope by this cause. I have never +been stung by any insult, nor wounded by any jest upon my crooked +figure. As a child I was melancholy and timid, but that was +because the gentle consideration paid to my misfortune sunk deep +into my spirit and made me sad, even in those early days. I was +but a very young creature when my poor mother died, and yet I +remember that often when I hung around her neck, and oftener still +when I played about the room before her, she would catch me to her +bosom, and bursting into tears, would soothe me with every term of +fondness and affection. God knows I was a happy child at those +times, - happy to nestle in her breast, - happy to weep when she +did, - happy in not knowing why. + +These occasions are so strongly impressed upon my memory, that they +seem to have occupied whole years. I had numbered very, very few +when they ceased for ever, but before then their meaning had been +revealed to me. + +I do not know whether all children are imbued with a quick +perception of childish grace and beauty, and a strong love for it, +but I was. I had no thought that I remember, either that I +possessed it myself or that I lacked it, but I admired it with an +intensity that I cannot describe. A little knot of playmates - +they must have been beautiful, for I see them now - were clustered +one day round my mother's knee in eager admiration of some picture +representing a group of infant angels, which she held in her hand. +Whose the picture was, whether it was familiar to me or otherwise, +or how all the children came to be there, I forget; I have some dim +thought it was my birthday, but the beginning of my recollection is +that we were all together in a garden, and it was summer weather, - +I am sure of that, for one of the little girls had roses in her +sash. There were many lovely angels in this picture, and I +remember the fancy coming upon me to point out which of them +represented each child there, and that when I had gone through my +companions, I stopped and hesitated, wondering which was most like +me. I remember the children looking at each other, and my turning +red and hot, and their crowding round to kiss me, saying that they +loved me all the same; and then, and when the old sorrow came into +my dear mother's mild and tender look, the truth broke upon me for +the first time, and I knew, while watching my awkward and ungainly +sports, how keenly she had felt for her poor crippled boy. + +I used frequently to dream of it afterwards, and now my heart aches +for that child as if I had never been he, when I think how often he +awoke from some fairy change to his own old form, and sobbed +himself to sleep again. + +Well, well, - all these sorrows are past. My glancing at them may +not be without its use, for it may help in some measure to explain +why I have all my life been attached to the inanimate objects that +people my chamber, and how I have come to look upon them rather in +the light of old and constant friends, than as mere chairs and +tables which a little money could replace at will. + +Chief and first among all these is my Clock, - my old, cheerful, +companionable Clock. How can I ever convey to others an idea of +the comfort and consolation that this old Clock has been for years +to me! + +It is associated with my earliest recollections. It stood upon the +staircase at home (I call it home still mechanically), nigh sixty +years ago. I like it for that; but it is not on that account, nor +because it is a quaint old thing in a huge oaken case curiously and +richly carved, that I prize it as I do. I incline to it as if it +were alive, and could understand and give me back the love I bear +it. + +And what other thing that has not life could cheer me as it does? +what other thing that has not life (I will not say how few things +that have) could have proved the same patient, true, untiring +friend? How often have I sat in the long winter evenings feeling +such society in its cricket-voice, that raising my eyes from my +book and looking gratefully towards it, the face reddened by the +glow of the shining fire has seemed to relax from its staid +expression and to regard me kindly! how often in the summer +twilight, when my thoughts have wandered back to a melancholy past, +have its regular whisperings recalled them to the calm and peaceful +present! how often in the dead tranquillity of night has its bell +broken the oppressive silence, and seemed to give me assurance that +the old clock was still a faithful watcher at my chamber-door! My +easy-chair, my desk, my ancient furniture, my very books, I can +scarcely bring myself to love even these last like my old clock. + +It stands in a snug corner, midway between the fireside and a low +arched door leading to my bedroom. Its fame is diffused so +extensively throughout the neighbourhood, that I have often the +satisfaction of hearing the publican, or the baker, and sometimes +even the parish-clerk, petitioning my housekeeper (of whom I shall +have much to say by-and-by) to inform him the exact time by Master +Humphrey's clock. My barber, to whom I have referred, would sooner +believe it than the sun. Nor are these its only distinctions. It +has acquired, I am happy to say, another, inseparably connecting it +not only with my enjoyments and reflections, but with those of +other men; as I shall now relate. + +I lived alone here for a long time without any friend or +acquaintance. In the course of my wanderings by night and day, at +all hours and seasons, in city streets and quiet country parts, I +came to be familiar with certain faces, and to take it to heart as +quite a heavy disappointment if they failed to present themselves +each at its accustomed spot. But these were the only friends I +knew, and beyond them I had none. + +It happened, however, when I had gone on thus for a long time, that +I formed an acquaintance with a deaf gentleman, which ripened into +intimacy and close companionship. To this hour, I am ignorant of +his name. It is his humour to conceal it, or he has a reason and +purpose for so doing. In either case, I feel that he has a right +to require a return of the trust he has reposed; and as he has +never sought to discover my secret, I have never sought to +penetrate his. There may have been something in this tacit +confidence in each other flattering and pleasant to us both, and it +may have imparted in the beginning an additional zest, perhaps, to +our friendship. Be this as it may, we have grown to be like +brothers, and still I only know him as the deaf gentleman. + +I have said that retirement has become a habit with me. When I +add, that the deaf gentleman and I have two friends, I communicate +nothing which is inconsistent with that declaration. I spend many +hours of every day in solitude and study, have no friends or change +of friends but these, only see them at stated periods, and am +supposed to be of a retired spirit by the very nature and object of +our association. + +We are men of secluded habits, with something of a cloud upon our +early fortunes, whose enthusiasm, nevertheless, has not cooled with +age, whose spirit of romance is not yet quenched, who are content +to ramble through the world in a pleasant dream, rather than ever +waken again to its harsh realities. We are alchemists who would +extract the essence of perpetual youth from dust and ashes, tempt +coy Truth in many light and airy forms from the bottom of her well, +and discover one crumb of comfort or one grain of good in the +commonest and least-regarded matter that passes through our +crucible. Spirits of past times, creatures of imagination, and +people of to-day are alike the objects of our seeking, and, unlike +the objects of search with most philosophers, we can insure their +coming at our command. + +The deaf gentleman and I first began to beguile our days with these +fancies, and our nights in communicating them to each other. We +are now four. But in my room there are six old chairs, and we have +decided that the two empty seats shall always be placed at our +table when we meet, to remind us that we may yet increase our +company by that number, if we should find two men to our mind. +When one among us dies, his chair will always be set in its usual +place, but never occupied again; and I have caused my will to be so +drawn out, that when we are all dead the house shall be shut up, +and the vacant chairs still left in their accustomed places. It is +pleasant to think that even then our shades may, perhaps, assemble +together as of yore we did, and join in ghostly converse. + +One night in every week, as the clock strikes ten, we meet. At the +second stroke of two, I am alone. + +And now shall I tell how that my old servant, besides giving us +note of time, and ticking cheerful encouragement of our +proceedings, lends its name to our society, which for its +punctuality and my love is christened 'Master Humphrey's Clock'? +Now shall I tell how that in the bottom of the old dark closet, +where the steady pendulum throbs and beats with healthy action, +though the pulse of him who made it stood still long ago, and never +moved again, there are piles of dusty papers constantly placed +there by our hands, that we may link our enjoyments with my old +friend, and draw means to beguile time from the heart of time +itself? Shall I, or can I, tell with what a secret pride I open +this repository when we meet at night, and still find new store of +pleasure in my dear old Clock? + +Friend and companion of my solitude! mine is not a selfish love; I +would not keep your merits to myself, but disperse something of +pleasant association with your image through the whole wide world; +I would have men couple with your name cheerful and healthy +thoughts; I would have them believe that you keep true and honest +time; and how it would gladden me to know that they recognised some +hearty English work in Master Humphrey's clock! + + + +THE CLOCK-CASE + + + +It is my intention constantly to address my readers from the +chimney-corner, and I would fain hope that such accounts as I shall +give them of our histories and proceedings, our quiet speculations +or more busy adventures, will never be unwelcome. Lest, however, I +should grow prolix in the outset by lingering too long upon our +little association, confounding the enthusiasm with which I regard +this chief happiness of my life with that minor degree of interest +which those to whom I address myself may be supposed to feel for +it, I have deemed it expedient to break off as they have seen. + +But, still clinging to my old friend, and naturally desirous that +all its merits should be known, I am tempted to open (somewhat +irregularly and against our laws, I must admit) the clock-case. +The first roll of paper on which I lay my hand is in the writing of +the deaf gentleman. I shall have to speak of him in my next paper; +and how can I better approach that welcome task than by prefacing +it with a production of his own pen, consigned to the safe keeping +of my honest Clock by his own hand? + +The manuscript runs thus + + +INTRODUCTION TO THE GIANT CHRONICLES + + +Once upon a time, that is to say, in this our time, - the exact +year, month, and day are of no matter, - there dwelt in the city of +London a substantial citizen, who united in his single person the +dignities of wholesale fruiterer, alderman, common-councilman, and +member of the worshipful Company of Patten-makers; who had +superadded to these extraordinary distinctions the important post +and title of Sheriff, and who at length, and to crown all, stood +next in rotation for the high and honourable office of Lord Mayor. + +He was a very substantial citizen indeed. His face was like the +full moon in a fog, with two little holes punched out for his eyes, +a very ripe pear stuck on for his nose, and a wide gash to serve +for a mouth. The girth of his waistcoat was hung up and lettered +in his tailor's shop as an extraordinary curiosity. He breathed +like a heavy snorer, and his voice in speaking came thickly forth, +as if it were oppressed and stifled by feather-beds. He trod the +ground like an elephant, and eat and drank like - like nothing but +an alderman, as he was. + +This worthy citizen had risen to his great eminence from small +beginnings. He had once been a very lean, weazen little boy, never +dreaming of carrying such a weight of flesh upon his bones or of +money in his pockets, and glad enough to take his dinner at a +baker's door, and his tea at a pump. But he had long ago forgotten +all this, as it was proper that a wholesale fruiterer, alderman, +common-councilman, member of the worshipful Company of Patten- +makers, past sheriff, and, above all, a Lord Mayor that was to be, +should; and he never forgot it more completely in all his life than +on the eighth of November in the year of his election to the great +golden civic chair, which was the day before his grand dinner at +Guildhall. + +It happened that as he sat that evening all alone in his counting- +house, looking over the bill of fare for next day, and checking off +the fat capons in fifties, and the turtle-soup by the hundred +quarts, for his private amusement, - it happened that as he sat +alone occupied in these pleasant calculations, a strange man came +in and asked him how he did, adding, 'If I am half as much changed +as you, sir, you have no recollection of me, I am sure.' + +The strange man was not over and above well dressed, and was very +far from being fat or rich-looking in any sense of the word, yet he +spoke with a kind of modest confidence, and assumed an easy, +gentlemanly sort of an air, to which nobody but a rich man can +lawfully presume. Besides this, he interrupted the good citizen +just as he had reckoned three hundred and seventy-two fat capons, +and was carrying them over to the next column; and as if that were +not aggravation enough, the learned recorder for the city of London +had only ten minutes previously gone out at that very same door, +and had turned round and said, 'Good night, my lord.' Yes, he had +said, 'my lord;' - he, a man of birth and education, of the +Honourable Society of the Middle Temple, Barrister-at-Law, - he who +had an uncle in the House of Commons, and an aunt almost but not +quite in the House of Lords (for she had married a feeble peer, and +made him vote as she liked), - he, this man, this learned recorder, +had said, 'my lord.' 'I'll not wait till to-morrow to give you +your title, my Lord Mayor,' says he, with a bow and a smile; 'you +are Lord Mayor DE FACTO, if not DE JURE. Good night, my lord.' + +The Lord Mayor elect thought of this, and turning to the stranger, +and sternly bidding him 'go out of his private counting-house,' +brought forward the three hundred and seventy-two fat capons, and +went on with his account. + +'Do you remember,' said the other, stepping forward, - 'DO you +remember little Joe Toddyhigh?' + +The port wine fled for a moment from the fruiterer's nose as he +muttered, 'Joe Toddyhigh! What about Joe Toddyhigh?' + +'I am Joe Toddyhigh,' cried the visitor. 'Look at me, look hard at +me, - harder, harder. You know me now? You know little Joe again? +What a happiness to us both, to meet the very night before your +grandeur! O! give me your hand, Jack, - both hands, - both, for +the sake of old times.' + +'You pinch me, sir. You're a-hurting of me,' said the Lord Mayor +elect pettishly. 'Don't, - suppose anybody should come, - Mr. +Toddyhigh, sir.' + +'Mr. Toddyhigh!' repeated the other ruefully. + +'O, don't bother,' said the Lord Mayor elect, scratching his head. +'Dear me! Why, I thought you was dead. What a fellow you are!' + +Indeed, it was a pretty state of things, and worthy the tone of +vexation and disappointment in which the Lord Mayor spoke. Joe +Toddyhigh had been a poor boy with him at Hull, and had oftentimes +divided his last penny and parted his last crust to relieve his +wants; for though Joe was a destitute child in those times, he was +as faithful and affectionate in his friendship as ever man of might +could be. They parted one day to seek their fortunes in different +directions. Joe went to sea, and the now wealthy citizen begged +his way to London, They separated with many tears, like foolish +fellows as they were, and agreed to remain fast friends, and if +they lived, soon to communicate again. + +When he was an errand-boy, and even in the early days of his +apprenticeship, the citizen had many a time trudged to the Post- +office to ask if there were any letter from poor little Joe, and +had gone home again with tears in his eyes, when he found no news +of his only friend. The world is a wide place, and it was a long +time before the letter came; when it did, the writer was forgotten. +It turned from white to yellow from lying in the Post-office with +nobody to claim it, and in course of time was torn up with five +hundred others, and sold for waste-paper. And now at last, and +when it might least have been expected, here was this Joe Toddyhigh +turning up and claiming acquaintance with a great public character, +who on the morrow would be cracking jokes with the Prime Minister +of England, and who had only, at any time during the next twelve +months, to say the word, and he could shut up Temple Bar, and make +it no thoroughfare for the king himself! + +'I am sure I don't know what to say, Mr. Toddyhigh,' said the Lord +Mayor elect; 'I really don't. It's very inconvenient. I'd sooner +have given twenty pound, - it's very inconvenient, really.' - A +thought had come into his mind, that perhaps his old friend might +say something passionate which would give him an excuse for being +angry himself. No such thing. Joe looked at him steadily, but very +mildly, and did not open his lips. + +'Of course I shall pay you what I owe you,' said the Lord Mayor +elect, fidgeting in his chair. 'You lent me - I think it was a +shilling or some small coin - when we parted company, and that of +course I shall pay with good interest. I can pay my way with any +man, and always have done. If you look into the Mansion House the +day after to-morrow, - some time after dusk, - and ask for my +private clerk, you'll find he has a draft for you. I haven't got +time to say anything more just now, unless,' - he hesitated, for, +coupled with a strong desire to glitter for once in all his glory +in the eyes of his former companion, was a distrust of his +appearance, which might be more shabby than he could tell by that +feeble light, - 'unless you'd like to come to the dinner to-morrow. +I don't mind your having this ticket, if you like to take it. A +great many people would give their ears for it, I can tell you.' + +His old friend took the card without speaking a word, and instantly +departed. His sunburnt face and gray hair were present to the +citizen's mind for a moment; but by the time he reached three +hundred and eighty-one fat capons, he had quite forgotten him. + +Joe Toddyhigh had never been in the capital of Europe before, and +he wandered up and down the streets that night amazed at the number +of churches and other public buildings, the splendour of the shops, +the riches that were heaped up on every side, the glare of light in +which they were displayed, and the concourse of people who hurried +to and fro, indifferent, apparently, to all the wonders that +surrounded them. But in all the long streets and broad squares, +there were none but strangers; it was quite a relief to turn down a +by-way and hear his own footsteps on the pavement. He went home to +his inn, thought that London was a dreary, desolate place, and felt +disposed to doubt the existence of one true-hearted man in the +whole worshipful Company of Patten-makers. Finally, he went to +bed, and dreamed that he and the Lord Mayor elect were boys again. + +He went next day to the dinner; and when in a burst of light and +music, and in the midst of splendid decorations and surrounded by +brilliant company, his former friend appeared at the head of the +Hall, and was hailed with shouts and cheering, he cheered and +shouted with the best, and for the moment could have cried. The +next moment he cursed his weakness in behalf of a man so changed +and selfish, and quite hated a jolly-looking old gentleman opposite +for declaring himself in the pride of his heart a Patten-maker. + +As the banquet proceeded, he took more and more to heart the rich +citizen's unkindness; and that, not from any envy, but because he +felt that a man of his state and fortune could all the better +afford to recognise an old friend, even if he were poor and +obscure. The more he thought of this, the more lonely and sad he +felt. When the company dispersed and adjourned to the ball-room, +he paced the hall and passages alone, ruminating in a very +melancholy condition upon the disappointment he had experienced. + +It chanced, while he was lounging about in this moody state, that +he stumbled upon a flight of stairs, dark, steep, and narrow, which +he ascended without any thought about the matter, and so came into +a little music-gallery, empty and deserted. From this elevated +post, which commanded the whole hall, he amused himself in looking +down upon the attendants who were clearing away the fragments of +the feast very lazily, and drinking out of all the bottles and +glasses with most commendable perseverance. + +His attention gradually relaxed, and he fell fast asleep. + +When he awoke, he thought there must be something the matter with +his eyes; but, rubbing them a little, he soon found that the +moonlight was really streaming through the east window, that the +lamps were all extinguished, and that he was alone. He listened, +but no distant murmur in the echoing passages, not even the +shutting of a door, broke the deep silence; he groped his way down +the stairs, and found that the door at the bottom was locked on the +other side. He began now to comprehend that he must have slept a +long time, that he had been overlooked, and was shut up there for +the night. + +His first sensation, perhaps, was not altogether a comfortable one, +for it was a dark, chilly, earthy-smelling place, and something too +large, for a man so situated, to feel at home in. However, when +the momentary consternation of his surprise was over, he made light +of the accident, and resolved to feel his way up the stairs again, +and make himself as comfortable as he could in the gallery until +morning. As he turned to execute this purpose, he heard the clocks +strike three. + +Any such invasion of a dead stillness as the striking of distant +clocks, causes it to appear the more intense and insupportable when +the sound has ceased. He listened with strained attention in the +hope that some clock, lagging behind its fellows, had yet to +strike, - looking all the time into the profound darkness before +him, until it seemed to weave itself into a black tissue, patterned +with a hundred reflections of his own eyes. But the bells had all +pealed out their warning for that once, and the gust of wind that +moaned through the place seemed cold and heavy with their iron +breath. + +The time and circumstances were favourable to reflection. He tried +to keep his thoughts to the current, unpleasant though it was, in +which they had moved all day, and to think with what a romantic +feeling he had looked forward to shaking his old friend by the hand +before he died, and what a wide and cruel difference there was +between the meeting they had had, and that which he had so often +and so long anticipated. Still, he was disordered by waking to +such sudden loneliness, and could not prevent his mind from running +upon odd tales of people of undoubted courage, who, being shut up +by night in vaults or churches, or other dismal places, had scaled +great heights to get out, and fled from silence as they had never +done from danger. This brought to his mind the moonlight through +the window, and bethinking himself of it, he groped his way back up +the crooked stairs, - but very stealthily, as though he were +fearful of being overheard. + +He was very much astonished when he approached the gallery again, +to see a light in the building: still more so, on advancing +hastily and looking round, to observe no visible source from which +it could proceed. But how much greater yet was his astonishment at +the spectacle which this light revealed. + +The statues of the two giants, Gog and Magog, each above fourteen +feet in height, those which succeeded to still older and more +barbarous figures, after the Great Fire of London, and which stand +in the Guildhall to this day, were endowed with life and motion. +These guardian genii of the City had quitted their pedestals, and +reclined in easy attitudes in the great stained glass window. +Between them was an ancient cask, which seemed to be full of wine; +for the younger Giant, clapping his huge hand upon it, and throwing +up his mighty leg, burst into an exulting laugh, which reverberated +through the hall like thunder. + +Joe Toddyhigh instinctively stooped down, and, more dead than +alive, felt his hair stand on end, his knees knock together, and a +cold damp break out upon his forehead. But even at that minute +curiosity prevailed over every other feeling, and somewhat +reassured by the good-humour of the Giants and their apparent +unconsciousness of his presence, he crouched in a corner of the +gallery, in as small a space as he could, and, peeping between the +rails, observed them closely. + +It was then that the elder Giant, who had a flowing gray beard, +raised his thoughtful eyes to his companion's face, and in a grave +and solemn voice addressed him thus: + + +FIRST NIGHT OF THE GIANT CHRONICLES + + +Turning towards his companion the elder Giant uttered these words +in a grave, majestic tone: + +'Magog, does boisterous mirth beseem the Giant Warder of this +ancient city? Is this becoming demeanour for a watchful spirit +over whose bodiless head so many years have rolled, so many changes +swept like empty air - in whose impalpable nostrils the scent of +blood and crime, pestilence, cruelty, and horror, has been familiar +as breath to mortals - in whose sight Time has gathered in the +harvest of centuries, and garnered so many crops of human pride, +affections, hopes, and sorrows? Bethink you of our compact. The +night wanes; feasting, revelry, and music have encroached upon our +usual hours of solitude, and morning will be here apace. Ere we +are stricken mute again, bethink you of our compact.' + +Pronouncing these latter words with more of impatience than quite +accorded with his apparent age and gravity, the Giant raised a long +pole (which he still bears in his hand) and tapped his brother +Giant rather smartly on the head; indeed, the blow was so smartly +administered, that the latter quickly withdrew his lips from the +cask, to which they had been applied, and, catching up his shield +and halberd, assumed an attitude of defence. His irritation was +but momentary, for he laid these weapons aside as hastily as he had +assumed them, and said as he did so: + +'You know, Gog, old friend, that when we animate these shapes which +the Londoners of old assigned (and not unworthily) to the guardian +genii of their city, we are susceptible of some of the sensations +which belong to human kind. Thus when I taste wine, I feel blows; +when I relish the one, I disrelish the other. Therefore, Gog, the +more especially as your arm is none of the lightest, keep your good +staff by your side, else we may chance to differ. Peace be between +us!' + +'Amen!' said the other, leaning his staff in the window-corner. +'Why did you laugh just now?' + +'To think,' replied the Giant Magog, laying his hand upon the cask, +'of him who owned this wine, and kept it in a cellar hoarded from +the light of day, for thirty years, - "till it should be fit to +drink," quoth he. He was twoscore and ten years old when he buried +it beneath his house, and yet never thought that he might be +scarcely "fit to drink" when the wine became so. I wonder it never +occurred to him to make himself unfit to be eaten. There is very +little of him left by this time.' + +'The night is waning,' said Gog mournfully. + +'I know it,' replied his companion, 'and I see you are impatient. +But look. Through the eastern window - placed opposite to us, that +the first beams of the rising sun may every morning gild our giant +faces - the moon-rays fall upon the pavement in a stream of light +that to my fancy sinks through the cold stone and gushes into the +old crypt below. The night is scarcely past its noon, and our +great charge is sleeping heavily.' + +They ceased to speak, and looked upward at the moon. The sight of +their large, black, rolling eyes filled Joe Toddyhigh with such +horror that he could scarcely draw his breath. Still they took no +note of him, and appeared to believe themselves quite alone. + +'Our compact,' said Magog after a pause, 'is, if I understand it, +that, instead of watching here in silence through the dreary +nights, we entertain each other with stories of our past +experience; with tales of the past, the present, and the future; +with legends of London and her sturdy citizens from the old simple +times. That every night at midnight, when St. Paul's bell tolls +out one, and we may move and speak, we thus discourse, nor leave +such themes till the first gray gleam of day shall strike us dumb. +Is that our bargain, brother?' + +'Yes,' said the Giant Gog, 'that is the league between us who guard +this city, by day in spirit, and by night in body also; and never +on ancient holidays have its conduits run wine more merrily than we +will pour forth our legendary lore. We are old chroniclers from +this time hence. The crumbled walls encircle us once more, the +postern-gates are closed, the drawbridge is up, and pent in its +narrow den beneath, the water foams and struggles with the sunken +starlings. Jerkins and quarter-staves are in the streets again, +the nightly watch is set, the rebel, sad and lonely in his Tower +dungeon, tries to sleep and weeps for home and children. Aloft +upon the gates and walls are noble heads glaring fiercely down upon +the dreaming city, and vexing the hungry dogs that scent them in +the air, and tear the ground beneath with dismal howlings. The +axe, the block, the rack, in their dark chambers give signs of +recent use. The Thames, floating past long lines of cheerful +windows whence come a burst of music and a stream of light, bears +suddenly to the Palace wall the last red stain brought on the tide +from Traitor's Gate. But your pardon, brother. The night wears, +and I am talking idly.' + +The other Giant appeared to be entirely of this opinion, for during +the foregoing rhapsody of his fellow-sentinel he had been +scratching his head with an air of comical uneasiness, or rather +with an air that would have been very comical if he had been a +dwarf or an ordinary-sized man. He winked too, and though it could +not be doubted for a moment that he winked to himself, still he +certainly cocked his enormous eye towards the gallery where the +listener was concealed. Nor was this all, for he gaped; and when +he gaped, Joe was horribly reminded of the popular prejudice on the +subject of giants, and of their fabled power of smelling out +Englishmen, however closely concealed. + +His alarm was such that he nearly swooned, and it was some little +time before his power of sight or hearing was restored. When he +recovered he found that the elder Giant was pressing the younger to +commence the Chronicles, and that the latter was endeavouring to +excuse himself on the ground that the night was far spent, and it +would be better to wait until the next. Well assured by this that +he was certainly about to begin directly, the listener collected +his faculties by a great effort, and distinctly heard Magog express +himself to the following effect: + + +In the sixteenth century and in the reign of Queen Elizabeth of +glorious memory (albeit her golden days are sadly rusted with +blood), there lived in the city of London a bold young 'prentice +who loved his master's daughter. There were no doubt within the +walls a great many 'prentices in this condition, but I speak of +only one, and his name was Hugh Graham. + +This Hugh was apprenticed to an honest Bowyer who dwelt in the ward +of Cheype, and was rumoured to possess great wealth. Rumour was +quite as infallible in those days as at the present time, but it +happened then as now to be sometimes right by accident. It +stumbled upon the truth when it gave the old Bowyer a mint of +money. His trade had been a profitable one in the time of King +Henry the Eighth, who encouraged English archery to the utmost, and +he had been prudent and discreet. Thus it came to pass that +Mistress Alice, his only daughter, was the richest heiress in all +his wealthy ward. Young Hugh had often maintained with staff and +cudgel that she was the handsomest. To do him justice, I believe +she was. + +If he could have gained the heart of pretty Mistress Alice by +knocking this conviction into stubborn people's heads, Hugh would +have had no cause to fear. But though the Bowyer's daughter smiled +in secret to hear of his doughty deeds for her sake, and though her +little waiting-woman reported all her smiles (and many more) to +Hugh, and though he was at a vast expense in kisses and small coin +to recompense her fidelity, he made no progress in his love. He +durst not whisper it to Mistress Alice save on sure encouragement, +and that she never gave him. A glance of her dark eye as she sat +at the door on a summer's evening after prayer-time, while he and +the neighbouring 'prentices exercised themselves in the street with +blunted sword and buckler, would fire Hugh's blood so that none +could stand before him; but then she glanced at others quite as +kindly as on him, and where was the use of cracking crowns if +Mistress Alice smiled upon the cracked as well as on the cracker? + +Still Hugh went on, and loved her more and more. He thought of her +all day, and dreamed of her all night long. He treasured up her +every word and gesture, and had a palpitation of the heart whenever +he heard her footstep on the stairs or her voice in an adjoining +room. To him, the old Bowyer's house was haunted by an angel; +there was enchantment in the air and space in which she moved. It +would have been no miracle to Hugh if flowers had sprung from the +rush-strewn floors beneath the tread of lovely Mistress Alice. + +Never did 'prentice long to distinguish himself in the eyes of his +lady-love so ardently as Hugh. Sometimes he pictured to himself +the house taking fire by night, and he, when all drew back in fear, +rushing through flame and smoke, and bearing her from the ruins in +his arms. At other times he thought of a rising of fierce rebels, +an attack upon the city, a strong assault upon the Bowyer's house +in particular, and he falling on the threshold pierced with +numberless wounds in defence of Mistress Alice. If he could only +enact some prodigy of valour, do some wonderful deed, and let her +know that she had inspired it, he thought he could die contented. + +Sometimes the Bowyer and his daughter would go out to supper with a +worthy citizen at the fashionable hour of six o'clock, and on such +occasions Hugh, wearing his blue 'prentice cloak as gallantly as +'prentice might, would attend with a lantern and his trusty club to +escort them home. These were the brightest moments of his life. +To hold the light while Mistress Alice picked her steps, to touch +her hand as he helped her over broken ways, to have her leaning on +his arm, - it sometimes even came to that, - this was happiness +indeed! + +When the nights were fair, Hugh followed in the rear, his eyes +riveted on the graceful figure of the Bowyer's daughter as she and +the old man moved on before him. So they threaded the narrow +winding streets of the city, now passing beneath the overhanging +gables of old wooden houses whence creaking signs projected into +the street, and now emerging from some dark and frowning gateway +into the clear moonlight. At such times, or when the shouts of +straggling brawlers met her ear, the Bowyer's daughter would look +timidly back at Hugh, beseeching him to draw nearer; and then how +he grasped his club and longed to do battle with a dozen rufflers, +for the love of Mistress Alice! + +The old Bowyer was in the habit of lending money on interest to the +gallants of the Court, and thus it happened that many a richly- +dressed gentleman dismounted at his door. More waving plumes and +gallant steeds, indeed, were seen at the Bowyer's house, and more +embroidered silks and velvets sparkled in his dark shop and darker +private closet, than at any merchants in the city. In those times +no less than in the present it would seem that the richest-looking +cavaliers often wanted money the most. + +Of these glittering clients there was one who always came alone. +He was nobly mounted, and, having no attendant, gave his horse in +charge to Hugh while he and the Bowyer were closeted within. Once +as he sprung into the saddle Mistress Alice was seated at an upper +window, and before she could withdraw he had doffed his jewelled +cap and kissed his hand. Hugh watched him caracoling down the +street, and burnt with indignation. But how much deeper was the +glow that reddened in his cheeks when, raising his eyes to the +casement, he saw that Alice watched the stranger too! + +He came again and often, each time arrayed more gaily than before, +and still the little casement showed him Mistress Alice. At length +one heavy day, she fled from home. It had cost her a hard +struggle, for all her old father's gifts were strewn about her +chamber as if she had parted from them one by one, and knew that +the time must come when these tokens of his love would wring her +heart, - yet she was gone. + +She left a letter commanding her poor father to the care of Hugh, +and wishing he might be happier than ever he could have been with +her, for he deserved the love of a better and a purer heart than +she had to bestow. The old man's forgiveness (she said) she had no +power to ask, but she prayed God to bless him, - and so ended with +a blot upon the paper where her tears had fallen. + +At first the old man's wrath was kindled, and he carried his wrong +to the Queen's throne itself; but there was no redress he learnt at +Court, for his daughter had been conveyed abroad. This afterwards +appeared to be the truth, as there came from France, after an +interval of several years, a letter in her hand. It was written in +trembling characters, and almost illegible. Little could be made +out save that she often thought of home and her old dear pleasant +room, - and that she had dreamt her father was dead and had not +blessed her, - and that her heart was breaking. + +The poor old Bowyer lingered on, never suffering Hugh to quit his +sight, for he knew now that he had loved his daughter, and that was +the only link that bound him to earth. It broke at length and he +died, - bequeathing his old 'prentice his trade and all his wealth, +and solemnly charging him with his last breath to revenge his child +if ever he who had worked her misery crossed his path in life +again. + +From the time of Alice's flight, the tilting-ground, the fields, +the fencing-school, the summer-evening sports, knew Hugh no more. +His spirit was dead within him. He rose to great eminence and +repute among the citizens, but was seldom seen to smile, and never +mingled in their revelries or rejoicings. Brave, humane, and +generous, he was beloved by all. He was pitied too by those who +knew his story, and these were so many that when he walked along +the streets alone at dusk, even the rude common people doffed their +caps and mingled a rough air of sympathy with their respect. + +One night in May - it was her birthnight, and twenty years since +she had left her home - Hugh Graham sat in the room she had +hallowed in his boyish days. He was now a gray-haired man, though +still in the prime of life. Old thoughts had borne him company for +many hours, and the chamber had gradually grown quite dark, when he +was roused by a low knocking at the outer door. + +He hastened down, and opening it saw by the light of a lamp which +he had seized upon the way, a female figure crouching in the +portal. It hurried swiftly past him and glided up the stairs. He +looked for pursuers. There were none in sight. No, not one. + +He was inclined to think it a vision of his own brain, when +suddenly a vague suspicion of the truth flashed upon his mind. He +barred the door, and hastened wildly back. Yes, there she was, - +there, in the chamber he had quitted, - there in her old innocent, +happy home, so changed that none but he could trace one gleam of +what she had been, - there upon her knees, - with her hands clasped +in agony and shame before her burning face. + +'My God, my God!' she cried, 'now strike me dead! Though I have +brought death and shame and sorrow on this roof, O, let me die at +home in mercy!' + +There was no tear upon her face then, but she trembled and glanced +round the chamber. Everything was in its old place. Her bed +looked as if she had risen from it but that morning. The sight of +these familiar objects, marking the dear remembrance in which she +had been held, and the blight she had brought upon herself, was +more than the woman's better nature that had carried her there +could bear. She wept and fell upon the ground. + +A rumour was spread about, in a few days' time, that the Bowyer's +cruel daughter had come home, and that Master Graham had given her +lodging in his house. It was rumoured too that he had resigned her +fortune, in order that she might bestow it in acts of charity, and +that he had vowed to guard her in her solitude, but that they were +never to see each other more. These rumours greatly incensed all +virtuous wives and daughters in the ward, especially when they +appeared to receive some corroboration from the circumstance of +Master Graham taking up his abode in another tenement hard by. The +estimation in which he was held, however, forbade any questioning +on the subject; and as the Bowyer's house was close shut up, and +nobody came forth when public shows and festivities were in +progress, or to flaunt in the public walks, or to buy new fashions +at the mercers' booths, all the well-conducted females agreed among +themselves that there could be no woman there. + +These reports had scarcely died away when the wonder of every good +citizen, male and female, was utterly absorbed and swallowed up by +a Royal Proclamation, in which her Majesty, strongly censuring the +practice of wearing long Spanish rapiers of preposterous length (as +being a bullying and swaggering custom, tending to bloodshed and +public disorder), commanded that on a particular day therein named, +certain grave citizens should repair to the city gates, and there, +in public, break all rapiers worn or carried by persons claiming +admission, that exceeded, though it were only by a quarter of an +inch, three standard feet in length. + +Royal Proclamations usually take their course, let the public +wonder never so much. On the appointed day two citizens of high +repute took up their stations at each of the gates, attended by a +party of the city guard, the main body to enforce the Queen's will, +and take custody of all such rebels (if any) as might have the +temerity to dispute it: and a few to bear the standard measures +and instruments for reducing all unlawful sword-blades to the +prescribed dimensions. In pursuance of these arrangements, Master +Graham and another were posted at Lud Gate, on the hill before St. +Paul's. + +A pretty numerous company were gathered together at this spot, for, +besides the officers in attendance to enforce the proclamation, +there was a motley crowd of lookers-on of various degrees, who +raised from time to time such shouts and cries as the circumstances +called forth. A spruce young courtier was the first who +approached: he unsheathed a weapon of burnished steel that shone +and glistened in the sun, and handed it with the newest air to the +officer, who, finding it exactly three feet long, returned it with +a bow. Thereupon the gallant raised his hat and crying, 'God save +the Queen!' passed on amidst the plaudits of the mob. Then came +another - a better courtier still - who wore a blade but two feet +long, whereat the people laughed, much to the disparagement of his +honour's dignity. Then came a third, a sturdy old officer of the +army, girded with a rapier at least a foot and a half beyond her +Majesty's pleasure; at him they raised a great shout, and most of +the spectators (but especially those who were armourers or cutlers) +laughed very heartily at the breakage which would ensue. But they +were disappointed; for the old campaigner, coolly unbuckling his +sword and bidding his servant carry it home again, passed through +unarmed, to the great indignation of all the beholders. They +relieved themselves in some degree by hooting a tall blustering +fellow with a prodigious weapon, who stopped short on coming in +sight of the preparations, and after a little consideration turned +back again. But all this time no rapier had been broken, although +it was high noon, and all cavaliers of any quality or appearance +were taking their way towards Saint Paul's churchyard. + +During these proceedings, Master Graham had stood apart, strictly +confining himself to the duty imposed upon him, and taking little +heed of anything beyond. He stepped forward now as a richly- +dressed gentleman on foot, followed by a single attendant, was seen +advancing up the hill. + +As this person drew nearer, the crowd stopped their clamour, and +bent forward with eager looks. Master Graham standing alone in the +gateway, and the stranger coming slowly towards him, they seemed, +as it were, set face to face. The nobleman (for he looked one) had +a haughty and disdainful air, which bespoke the slight estimation +in which he held the citizen. The citizen, on the other hand, +preserved the resolute bearing of one who was not to be frowned +down or daunted, and who cared very little for any nobility but +that of worth and manhood. It was perhaps some consciousness on +the part of each, of these feelings in the other, that infused a +more stern expression into their regards as they came closer +together. + +'Your rapier, worthy sir!' + +At the instant that he pronounced these words Graham started, and +falling back some paces, laid his hand upon the dagger in his belt. + +'You are the man whose horse I used to hold before the Bowyer's +door? You are that man? Speak!' + +'Out, you 'prentice hound!' said the other. + +'You are he! I know you well now!' cried Graham. 'Let no man step +between us two, or I shall be his murderer.' With that he drew his +dagger, and rushed in upon him. + +The stranger had drawn his weapon from the scabbard ready for the +scrutiny, before a word was spoken. He made a thrust at his +assailant, but the dagger which Graham clutched in his left hand +being the dirk in use at that time for parrying such blows, +promptly turned the point aside. They closed. The dagger fell +rattling on the ground, and Graham, wresting his adversary's sword +from his grasp, plunged it through his heart. As he drew it out it +snapped in two, leaving a fragment in the dead man's body. + +All this passed so swiftly that the bystanders looked on without an +effort to interfere; but the man was no sooner down than an uproar +broke forth which rent the air. The attendant rushing through the +gate proclaimed that his master, a nobleman, had been set upon and +slain by a citizen; the word quickly spread from mouth to mouth; +Saint Paul's Cathedral, and every book-shop, ordinary, and smoking- +house in the churchyard poured out its stream of cavaliers and +their followers, who mingling together in a dense tumultuous body, +struggled, sword in hand, towards the spot. + +With equal impetuosity, and stimulating each other by loud cries +and shouts, the citizens and common people took up the quarrel on +their side, and encircling Master Graham a hundred deep, forced him +from the gate. In vain he waved the broken sword above his head, +crying that he would die on London's threshold for their sacred +homes. They bore him on, and ever keeping him in the midst, so +that no man could attack him, fought their way into the city. + +The clash of swords and roar of voices, the dust and heat and +pressure, the trampling under foot of men, the distracted looks and +shrieks of women at the windows above as they recognised their +relatives or lovers in the crowd, the rapid tolling of alarm-bells, +the furious rage and passion of the scene, were fearful. Those +who, being on the outskirts of each crowd, could use their weapons +with effect, fought desperately, while those behind, maddened with +baffled rage, struck at each other over the heads of those before +them, and crushed their own fellows. Wherever the broken sword was +seen above the people's heads, towards that spot the cavaliers made +a new rush. Every one of these charges was marked by sudden gaps +in the throng where men were trodden down, but as fast as they were +made, the tide swept over them, and still the multitude pressed on +again, a confused mass of swords, clubs, staves, broken plumes, +fragments of rich cloaks and doublets, and angry, bleeding faces, +all mixed up together in inextricable disorder. + +The design of the people was to force Master Graham to take refuge +in his dwelling, and to defend it until the authorities could +interfere, or they could gain time for parley. But either from +ignorance or in the confusion of the moment they stopped at his old +house, which was closely shut. Some time was lost in beating the +doors open and passing him to the front. About a score of the +boldest of the other party threw themselves into the torrent while +this was being done, and reaching the door at the same moment with +himself cut him off from his defenders. + +'I never will turn in such a righteous cause, so help me Heaven!' +cried Graham, in a voice that at last made itself heard, and +confronting them as he spoke. 'Least of all will I turn upon this +threshold which owes its desolation to such men as ye. I give no +quarter, and I will have none! Strike!' + +For a moment they stood at bay. At that moment a shot from an +unseen hand, apparently fired by some person who had gained access +to one of the opposite houses, struck Graham in the brain, and he +fell dead. A low wail was heard in the air, - many people in the +concourse cried that they had seen a spirit glide across the little +casement window of the Bowyer's house - + +A dead silence succeeded. After a short time some of the flushed +and heated throng laid down their arms and softly carried the body +within doors. Others fell off or slunk away in knots of two or +three, others whispered together in groups, and before a numerous +guard which then rode up could muster in the street, it was nearly +empty. + +Those who carried Master Graham to the bed up-stairs were shocked +to see a woman lying beneath the window with her hands clasped +together. After trying to recover her in vain, they laid her near +the citizen, who still retained, tightly grasped in his right hand, +the first and last sword that was broken that day at Lud Gate. + + +The Giant uttered these concluding words with sudden precipitation; +and on the instant the strange light which had filled the hall +faded away. Joe Toddyhigh glanced involuntarily at the eastern +window, and saw the first pale gleam of morning. He turned his +head again towards the other window in which the Giants had been +seated. It was empty. The cask of wine was gone, and he could +dimly make out that the two great figures stood mute and motionless +upon their pedestals. + +After rubbing his eyes and wondering for full half an hour, during +which time he observed morning come creeping on apace, he yielded +to the drowsiness which overpowered him and fell into a refreshing +slumber. When he awoke it was broad day; the building was open, +and workmen were busily engaged in removing the vestiges of last +night's feast. + +Stealing gently down the little stairs, and assuming the air of +some early lounger who had dropped in from the street, he walked up +to the foot of each pedestal in turn, and attentively examined the +figure it supported. There could be no doubt about the features of +either; he recollected the exact expression they had worn at +different passages of their conversation, and recognised in every +line and lineament the Giants of the night. Assured that it was no +vision, but that he had heard and seen with his own proper senses, +he walked forth, determining at all hazards to conceal himself in +the Guildhall again that evening. He further resolved to sleep all +day, so that he might be very wakeful and vigilant, and above all +that he might take notice of the figures at the precise moment of +their becoming animated and subsiding into their old state, which +he greatly reproached himself for not having done already. + + +CORRESPONDENCE TO MASTER HUMPHREY + + +'SIR, - Before you proceed any further in your account of your +friends and what you say and do when you meet together, excuse me +if I proffer my claim to be elected to one of the vacant chairs in +that old room of yours. Don't reject me without full +consideration; for if you do, you will be sorry for it afterwards - +you will, upon my life. + +'I enclose my card, sir, in this letter. I never was ashamed of my +name, and I never shall be. I am considered a devilish gentlemanly +fellow, and I act up to the character. If you want a reference, +ask any of the men at our club. Ask any fellow who goes there to +write his letters, what sort of conversation mine is. Ask him if +he thinks I have the sort of voice that will suit your deaf friend +and make him hear, if he can hear anything at all. Ask the +servants what they think of me. There's not a rascal among 'em, +sir, but will tremble to hear my name. That reminds me - don't you +say too much about that housekeeper of yours; it's a low subject, +damned low. + +'I tell you what, sir. If you vote me into one of those empty +chairs, you'll have among you a man with a fund of gentlemanly +information that'll rather astonish you. I can let you into a few +anecdotes about some fine women of title, that are quite high life, +sir - the tiptop sort of thing. I know the name of every man who +has been out on an affair of honour within the last five-and-twenty +years; I know the private particulars of every cross and squabble +that has taken place upon the turf, at the gaming-table, or +elsewhere, during the whole of that time. I have been called the +gentlemanly chronicle. You may consider yourself a lucky dog; upon +my soul, you may congratulate yourself, though I say so. + +'It's an uncommon good notion that of yours, not letting anybody +know where you live. I have tried it, but there has always been an +anxiety respecting me, which has found me out. Your deaf friend is +a cunning fellow to keep his name so close. I have tried that too, +but have always failed. I shall be proud to make his acquaintance +- tell him so, with my compliments. + +'You must have been a queer fellow when you were a child, +confounded queer. It's odd, all that about the picture in your +first paper - prosy, but told in a devilish gentlemanly sort of +way. In places like that I could come in with great effect with a +touch of life - don't you feel that? + +'I am anxiously waiting for your next paper to know whether your +friends live upon the premises, and at your expense, which I take +it for granted is the case. If I am right in this impression, I +know a charming fellow (an excellent companion and most delightful +company) who will be proud to join you. Some years ago he seconded +a great many prize-fighters, and once fought an amateur match +himself; since then he has driven several mails, broken at +different periods all the lamps on the right-hand side of Oxford- +street, and six times carried away every bell-handle in Bloomsbury- +square, besides turning off the gas in various thoroughfares. In +point of gentlemanliness he is unrivalled, and I should say that +next to myself he is of all men the best suited to your purpose. + +'Expecting your reply, + +'I am, + +'&c. &c.' + + +Master Humphrey informs this gentleman that his application, both +as it concerns himself and his friend, is rejected. + + + +CHAPTER II - MASTER HUMPHREY, FROM HIS CLOCK-SIDE IN THE CHIMNEY- +CORNER + + + +MY old companion tells me it is midnight. The fire glows brightly, +crackling with a sharp and cheerful sound, as if it loved to burn. +The merry cricket on the hearth (my constant visitor), this ruddy +blaze, my clock, and I, seem to share the world among us, and to be +the only things awake. The wind, high and boisterous but now, has +died away and hoarsely mutters in its sleep. I love all times and +seasons each in its turn, and am apt, perhaps, to think the present +one the best; but past or coming I always love this peaceful time +of night, when long-buried thoughts, favoured by the gloom and +silence, steal from their graves, and haunt the scenes of faded +happiness and hope. + +The popular faith in ghosts has a remarkable affinity with the +whole current of our thoughts at such an hour as this, and seems to +be their necessary and natural consequence. For who can wonder +that man should feel a vague belief in tales of disembodied spirits +wandering through those places which they once dearly affected, +when he himself, scarcely less separated from his old world than +they, is for ever lingering upon past emotions and bygone times, +and hovering, the ghost of his former self, about the places and +people that warmed his heart of old? It is thus that at this quiet +hour I haunt the house where I was born, the rooms I used to tread, +the scenes of my infancy, my boyhood, and my youth; it is thus that +I prowl around my buried treasure (though not of gold or silver), +and mourn my loss; it is thus that I revisit the ashes of +extinguished fires, and take my silent stand at old bedsides. If +my spirit should ever glide back to this chamber when my body is +mingled with the dust, it will but follow the course it often took +in the old man's lifetime, and add but one more change to the +subjects of its contemplation. + +In all my idle speculations I am greatly assisted by various +legends connected with my venerable house, which are current in the +neighbourhood, and are so numerous that there is scarce a cupboard +or corner that has not some dismal story of its own. When I first +entertained thoughts of becoming its tenant, I was assured that it +was haunted from roof to cellar, and I believe that the bad opinion +in which my neighbours once held me, had its rise in my not being +torn to pieces, or at least distracted with terror, on the night I +took possession; in either of which cases I should doubtless have +arrived by a short cut at the very summit of popularity. + +But traditions and rumours all taken into account, who so abets me +in every fancy and chimes with my every thought, as my dear deaf +friend? and how often have I cause to bless the day that brought us +two together! Of all days in the year I rejoice to think that it +should have been Christmas Day, with which from childhood we +associate something friendly, hearty, and sincere. + +I had walked out to cheer myself with the happiness of others, and, +in the little tokens of festivity and rejoicing, of which the +streets and houses present so many upon that day, had lost some +hours. Now I stopped to look at a merry party hurrying through the +snow on foot to their place of meeting, and now turned back to see +a whole coachful of children safely deposited at the welcome house. +At one time, I admired how carefully the working man carried the +baby in its gaudy hat and feathers, and how his wife, trudging +patiently on behind, forgot even her care of her gay clothes, in +exchanging greeting with the child as it crowed and laughed over +the father's shoulder; at another, I pleased myself with some +passing scene of gallantry or courtship, and was glad to believe +that for a season half the world of poverty was gay. + +As the day closed in, I still rambled through the streets, feeling +a companionship in the bright fires that cast their warm reflection +on the windows as I passed, and losing all sense of my own +loneliness in imagining the sociality and kind-fellowship that +everywhere prevailed. At length I happened to stop before a +Tavern, and, encountering a Bill of Fare in the window, it all at +once brought it into my head to wonder what kind of people dined +alone in Taverns upon Christmas Day. + +Solitary men are accustomed, I suppose, unconsciously to look upon +solitude as their own peculiar property. I had sat alone in my +room on many, many anniversaries of this great holiday, and had +never regarded it but as one of universal assemblage and rejoicing. +I had excepted, and with an aching heart, a crowd of prisoners and +beggars; but THESE were not the men for whom the Tavern doors were +open. Had they any customers, or was it a mere form? - a form, no +doubt. + +Trying to feel quite sure of this, I walked away; but before I had +gone many paces, I stopped and looked back. There was a provoking +air of business in the lamp above the door which I could not +overcome. I began to be afraid there might be many customers - +young men, perhaps, struggling with the world, utter strangers in +this great place, whose friends lived at a long distance off, and +whose means were too slender to enable them to make the journey. +The supposition gave rise to so many distressing little pictures, +that in preference to carrying them home with me, I determined to +encounter the realities. So I turned and walked in. + +I was at once glad and sorry to find that there was only one person +in the dining-room; glad to know that there were not more, and +sorry that he should be there by himself. He did not look so old +as I, but like me he was advanced in life, and his hair was nearly +white. Though I made more noise in entering and seating myself +than was quite necessary, with the view of attracting his attention +and saluting him in the good old form of that time of year, he did +not raise his head, but sat with it resting on his hand, musing +over his half-finished meal. + +I called for something which would give me an excuse for remaining +in the room (I had dined early, as my housekeeper was engaged at +night to partake of some friend's good cheer), and sat where I +could observe without intruding on him. After a time he looked up. +He was aware that somebody had entered, but could see very little +of me, as I sat in the shade and he in the light. He was sad and +thoughtful, and I forbore to trouble him by speaking. + +Let me believe it was something better than curiosity which riveted +my attention and impelled me strongly towards this gentleman. I +never saw so patient and kind a face. He should have been +surrounded by friends, and yet here he sat dejected and alone when +all men had their friends about them. As often as he roused +himself from his reverie he would fall into it again, and it was +plain that, whatever were the subject of his thoughts, they were of +a melancholy kind, and would not be controlled. + +He was not used to solitude. I was sure of that; for I know by +myself that if he had been, his manner would have been different, +and he would have taken some slight interest in the arrival of +another. I could not fail to mark that he had no appetite; that he +tried to eat in vain; that time after time the plate was pushed +away, and he relapsed into his former posture. + +His mind was wandering among old Christmas days, I thought. Many +of them sprung up together, not with a long gap between each, but +in unbroken succession like days of the week. It was a great +change to find himself for the first time (I quite settled that it +WAS the first) in an empty silent room with no soul to care for. I +could not help following him in imagination through crowds of +pleasant faces, and then coming back to that dull place with its +bough of mistletoe sickening in the gas, and sprigs of holly +parched up already by a Simoom of roast and boiled. The very +waiter had gone home; and his representative, a poor, lean, hungry +man, was keeping Christmas in his jacket. + +I grew still more interested in my friend. His dinner done, a +decanter of wine was placed before him. It remained untouched for +a long time, but at length with a quivering hand he filled a glass +and raised it to his lips. Some tender wish to which he had been +accustomed to give utterance on that day, or some beloved name that +he had been used to pledge, trembled upon them at the moment. He +put it down very hastily - took it up once more - again put it down +- pressed his hand upon his face - yes - and tears stole down his +cheeks, I am certain. + +Without pausing to consider whether I did right or wrong, I stepped +across the room, and sitting down beside him laid my hand gently on +his arm. + +'My friend,' I said, 'forgive me if I beseech you to take comfort +and consolation from the lips of an old man. I will not preach to +you what I have not practised, indeed. Whatever be your grief, be +of a good heart - be of a good heart, pray!' + +'I see that you speak earnestly,' he replied, 'and kindly I am very +sure, but - ' + +I nodded my head to show that I understood what he would say; for I +had already gathered, from a certain fixed expression in his face, +and from the attention with which he watched me while I spoke, that +his sense of hearing was destroyed. 'There should be a freemasonry +between us,' said I, pointing from himself to me to explain my +meaning; 'if not in our gray hairs, at least in our misfortunes. +You see that I am but a poor cripple.' + +I never felt so happy under my affliction since the trying moment +of my first becoming conscious of it, as when he took my hand in +his with a smile that has lighted my path in life from that day, +and we sat down side by side. + +This was the beginning of my friendship with the deaf gentleman; +and when was ever the slight and easy service of a kind word in +season repaid by such attachment and devotion as he has shown to +me! + +He produced a little set of tablets and a pencil to facilitate our +conversation, on that our first acquaintance; and I well remember +how awkward and constrained I was in writing down my share of the +dialogue, and how easily he guessed my meaning before I had written +half of what I had to say. He told me in a faltering voice that he +had not been accustomed to be alone on that day - that it had +always been a little festival with him; and seeing that I glanced +at his dress in the expectation that he wore mourning, he added +hastily that it was not that; if it had been he thought he could +have borne it better. From that time to the present we have never +touched upon this theme. Upon every return of the same day we have +been together; and although we make it our annual custom to drink +to each other hand in hand after dinner, and to recall with +affectionate garrulity every circumstance of our first meeting, we +always avoid this one as if by mutual consent. + +Meantime we have gone on strengthening in our friendship and regard +and forming an attachment which, I trust and believe, will only be +interrupted by death, to be renewed in another existence. I +scarcely know how we communicate as we do; but he has long since +ceased to be deaf to me. He is frequently my companion in my +walks, and even in crowded streets replies to my slightest look or +gesture, as though he could read my thoughts. From the vast number +of objects which pass in rapid succession before our eyes, we +frequently select the same for some particular notice or remark; +and when one of these little coincidences occurs, I cannot describe +the pleasure which animates my friend, or the beaming countenance +he will preserve for half-an-hour afterwards at least. + +He is a great thinker from living so much within himself, and, +having a lively imagination, has a facility of conceiving and +enlarging upon odd ideas, which renders him invaluable to our +little body, and greatly astonishes our two friends. His powers in +this respect are much assisted by a large pipe, which he assures us +once belonged to a German Student. Be this as it may, it has +undoubtedly a very ancient and mysterious appearance, and is of +such capacity that it takes three hours and a half to smoke it out. +I have reason to believe that my barber, who is the chief authority +of a knot of gossips, who congregate every evening at a small +tobacconist's hard by, has related anecdotes of this pipe and the +grim figures that are carved upon its bowl, at which all the +smokers in the neighbourhood have stood aghast; and I know that my +housekeeper, while she holds it in high veneration, has a +superstitious feeling connected with it which would render her +exceedingly unwilling to be left alone in its company after dark. + +Whatever sorrow my dear friend has known, and whatever grief may +linger in some secret corner of his heart, he is now a cheerful, +placid, happy creature. Misfortune can never have fallen upon such +a man but for some good purpose; and when I see its traces in his +gentle nature and his earnest feeling, I am the less disposed to +murmur at such trials as I may have undergone myself. With regard +to the pipe, I have a theory of my own; I cannot help thinking that +it is in some manner connected with the event that brought us +together; for I remember that it was a long time before he even +talked about it; that when he did, he grew reserved and melancholy; +and that it was a long time yet before he brought it forth. I have +no curiosity, however, upon this subject; for I know that it +promotes his tranquillity and comfort, and I need no other +inducement to regard it with my utmost favour. + +Such is the deaf gentleman. I can call up his figure now, clad in +sober gray, and seated in the chimney-corner. As he puffs out the +smoke from his favourite pipe, he casts a look on me brimful of +cordiality and friendship, and says all manner of kind and genial +things in a cheerful smile; then he raises his eyes to my clock, +which is just about to strike, and, glancing from it to me and back +again, seems to divide his heart between us. For myself, it is not +too much to say that I would gladly part with one of my poor limbs, +could he but hear the old clock's voice. + +Of our two friends, the first has been all his life one of that +easy, wayward, truant class whom the world is accustomed to +designate as nobody's enemies but their own. Bred to a profession +for which he never qualified himself, and reared in the expectation +of a fortune he has never inherited, he has undergone every +vicissitude of which such an existence is capable. He and his +younger brother, both orphans from their childhood, were educated +by a wealthy relative, who taught them to expect an equal division +of his property; but too indolent to court, and too honest to +flatter, the elder gradually lost ground in the affections of a +capricious old man, and the younger, who did not fail to improve +his opportunity, now triumphs in the possession of enormous wealth. +His triumph is to hoard it in solitary wretchedness, and probably +to feel with the expenditure of every shilling a greater pang than +the loss of his whole inheritance ever cost his brother. + +Jack Redburn - he was Jack Redburn at the first little school he +went to, where every other child was mastered and surnamed, and he +has been Jack Redburn all his life, or he would perhaps have been a +richer man by this time - has been an inmate of my house these +eight years past. He is my librarian, secretary, steward, and +first minister; director of all my affairs, and inspector-general +of my household. He is something of a musician, something of an +author, something of an actor, something of a painter, very much of +a carpenter, and an extraordinary gardener, having had all his life +a wonderful aptitude for learning everything that was of no use to +him. He is remarkably fond of children, and is the best and +kindest nurse in sickness that ever drew the breath of life. He +has mixed with every grade of society, and known the utmost +distress; but there never was a less selfish, a more tender- +hearted, a more enthusiastic, or a more guileless man; and I dare +say, if few have done less good, fewer still have done less harm in +the world than he. By what chance Nature forms such whimsical +jumbles I don't know; but I do know that she sends them among us +very often, and that the king of the whole race is Jack Redburn. + +I should be puzzled to say how old he is. His health is none of +the best, and he wears a quantity of iron-gray hair, which shades +his face and gives it rather a worn appearance; but we consider him +quite a young fellow notwithstanding; and if a youthful spirit, +surviving the roughest contact with the world, confers upon its +possessor any title to be considered young, then he is a mere +child. The only interruptions to his careless cheerfulness are on +a wet Sunday, when he is apt to be unusually religious and solemn, +and sometimes of an evening, when he has been blowing a very slow +tune on the flute. On these last-named occasions he is apt to +incline towards the mysterious, or the terrible. As a specimen of +his powers in this mood, I refer my readers to the extract from the +clock-case which follows this paper: he brought it to me not long +ago at midnight, and informed me that the main incident had been +suggested by a dream of the night before. + +His apartments are two cheerful rooms looking towards the garden, +and one of his great delights is to arrange and rearrange the +furniture in these chambers, and put it in every possible variety +of position. During the whole time he has been here, I do not +think he has slept for two nights running with the head of his bed +in the same place; and every time he moves it, is to be the last. +My housekeeper was at first well-nigh distracted by these frequent +changes; but she has become quite reconciled to them by degrees, +and has so fallen in with his humour, that they often consult +together with great gravity upon the next final alteration. +Whatever his arrangements are, however, they are always a pattern +of neatness; and every one of the manifold articles connected with +his manifold occupations is to be found in its own particular +place. Until within the last two or three years he was subject to +an occasional fit (which usually came upon him in very fine +weather), under the influence of which he would dress himself with +peculiar care, and, going out under pretence of taking a walk, +disappeared for several days together. At length, after the +interval between each outbreak of this disorder had gradually grown +longer and longer, it wholly disappeared; and now he seldom stirs +abroad, except to stroll out a little way on a summer's evening. +Whether he yet mistrusts his own constancy in this respect, and is +therefore afraid to wear a coat, I know not; but we seldom see him +in any other upper garment than an old spectral-looking dressing- +gown, with very disproportionate pockets, full of a miscellaneous +collection of odd matters, which he picks up wherever he can lay +his hands upon them. + +Everything that is a favourite with our friend is a favourite with +us; and thus it happens that the fourth among us is Mr. Owen Miles, +a most worthy gentleman, who had treated Jack with great kindness +before my deaf friend and I encountered him by an accident, to +which I may refer on some future occasion. Mr. Miles was once a +very rich merchant; but receiving a severe shock in the death of +his wife, he retired from business, and devoted himself to a quiet, +unostentatious life. He is an excellent man, of thoroughly +sterling character: not of quick apprehension, and not without +some amusing prejudices, which I shall leave to their own +development. He holds us all in profound veneration; but Jack +Redburn he esteems as a kind of pleasant wonder, that he may +venture to approach familiarly. He believes, not only that no man +ever lived who could do so many things as Jack, but that no man +ever lived who could do anything so well; and he never calls my +attention to any of his ingenious proceedings, but he whispers in +my ear, nudging me at the same time with his elbow: 'If he had +only made it his trade, sir - if he had only made it his trade!' + +They are inseparable companions; one would almost suppose that, +although Mr. Miles never by any chance does anything in the way of +assistance, Jack could do nothing without him. Whether he is +reading, writing, painting, carpentering, gardening, flute-playing, +or what not, there is Mr. Miles beside him, buttoned up to the chin +in his blue coat, and looking on with a face of incredulous +delight, as though he could not credit the testimony of his own +senses, and had a misgiving that no man could be so clever but in a +dream. + +These are my friends; I have now introduced myself and them. + + + +THE CLOCK-CASE + + + +A CONFESSION FOUND IN A PRISON IN THE TIME OF CHARLES THE SECOND + + + +I held a lieutenant's commission in his Majesty's army, and served +abroad in the campaigns of 1677 and 1678. The treaty of Nimeguen +being concluded, I returned home, and retiring from the service, +withdrew to a small estate lying a few miles east of London, which +I had recently acquired in right of my wife. + +This is the last night I have to live, and I will set down the +naked truth without disguise. I was never a brave man, and had +always been from my childhood of a secret, sullen, distrustful +nature. I speak of myself as if I had passed from the world; for +while I write this, my grave is digging, and my name is written in +the black-book of death. + +Soon after my return to England, my only brother was seized with +mortal illness. This circumstance gave me slight or no pain; for +since we had been men, we had associated but very little together. +He was open-hearted and generous, handsomer than I, more +accomplished, and generally beloved. Those who sought my +acquaintance abroad or at home, because they were friends of his, +seldom attached themselves to me long, and would usually say, in +our first conversation, that they were surprised to find two +brothers so unlike in their manners and appearance. It was my +habit to lead them on to this avowal; for I knew what comparisons +they must draw between us; and having a rankling envy in my heart, +I sought to justify it to myself. + +We had married two sisters. This additional tie between us, as it +may appear to some, only estranged us the more. His wife knew me +well. I never struggled with any secret jealousy or gall when she +was present but that woman knew it as well as I did. I never +raised my eyes at such times but I found hers fixed upon me; I +never bent them on the ground or looked another way but I felt that +she overlooked me always. It was an inexpressible relief to me +when we quarrelled, and a greater relief still when I heard abroad +that she was dead. It seems to me now as if some strange and +terrible foreshadowing of what has happened since must have hung +over us then. I was afraid of her; she haunted me; her fixed and +steady look comes back upon me now, like the memory of a dark +dream, and makes my blood run cold. + +She died shortly after giving birth to a child - a boy. When my +brother knew that all hope of his own recovery was past, he called +my wife to his bedside, and confided this orphan, a child of four +years old, to her protection. He bequeathed to him all the +property he had, and willed that, in case of his child's death, it +should pass to my wife, as the only acknowledgment he could make +her for her care and love. He exchanged a few brotherly words with +me, deploring our long separation; and being exhausted, fell into a +slumber, from which he never awoke. + +We had no children; and as there had been a strong affection +between the sisters, and my wife had almost supplied the place of a +mother to this boy, she loved him as if he had been her own. The +child was ardently attached to her; but he was his mother's image +in face and spirit, and always mistrusted me. + +I can scarcely fix the date when the feeling first came upon me; +but I soon began to be uneasy when this child was by. I never +roused myself from some moody train of thought but I marked him +looking at me; not with mere childish wonder, but with something of +the purpose and meaning that I had so often noted in his mother. +It was no effort of my fancy, founded on close resemblance of +feature and expression. I never could look the boy down. He +feared me, but seemed by some instinct to despise me while he did +so; and even when he drew back beneath my gaze - as he would when +we were alone, to get nearer to the door - he would keep his bright +eyes upon me still. + +Perhaps I hide the truth from myself, but I do not think that, when +this began, I meditated to do him any wrong. I may have thought +how serviceable his inheritance would be to us, and may have wished +him dead; but I believe I had no thought of compassing his death. +Neither did the idea come upon me at once, but by very slow +degrees, presenting itself at first in dim shapes at a very great +distance, as men may think of an earthquake or the last day; then +drawing nearer and nearer, and losing something of its horror and +improbability; then coming to be part and parcel - nay nearly the +whole sum and substance - of my daily thoughts, and resolving +itself into a question of means and safety; not of doing or +abstaining from the deed. + +While this was going on within me, I never could bear that the +child should see me looking at him, and yet I was under a +fascination which made it a kind of business with me to contemplate +his slight and fragile figure and think how easily it might be +done. Sometimes I would steal up-stairs and watch him as he slept; +but usually I hovered in the garden near the window of the room in +which he learnt his little tasks; and there, as he sat upon a low +seat beside my wife, I would peer at him for hours together from +behind a tree; starting, like the guilty wretch I was, at every +rustling of a leaf, and still gliding back to look and start again. + +Hard by our cottage, but quite out of sight, and (if there were any +wind astir) of hearing too, was a deep sheet of water. I spent +days in shaping with my pocket-knife a rough model of a boat, which +I finished at last and dropped in the child's way. Then I withdrew +to a secret place, which he must pass if he stole away alone to +swim this bauble, and lurked there for his coming. He came neither +that day nor the next, though I waited from noon till nightfall. I +was sure that I had him in my net, for I had heard him prattling of +the toy, and knew that in his infant pleasure he kept it by his +side in bed. I felt no weariness or fatigue, but waited patiently, +and on the third day he passed me, running joyously along, with his +silken hair streaming in the wind, and he singing - God have mercy +upon me! - singing a merry ballad, - who could hardly lisp the +words. + +I stole down after him, creeping under certain shrubs which grow in +that place, and none but devils know with what terror I, a strong, +full-grown man, tracked the footsteps of that baby as he approached +the water's brink. I was close upon him, had sunk upon my knee and +raised my hand to thrust him in, when he saw my shadow in the +stream and turned him round. + +His mother's ghost was looking from his eyes. The sun burst forth +from behind a cloud; it shone in the bright sky, the glistening +earth, the clear water, the sparkling drops of rain upon the +leaves. There were eyes in everything. The whole great universe +of light was there to see the murder done. I know not what he +said; he came of bold and manly blood, and, child as he was, he did +not crouch or fawn upon me. I heard him cry that he would try to +love me, - not that he did, - and then I saw him running back +towards the house. The next I saw was my own sword naked in my +hand, and he lying at my feet stark dead, - dabbled here and there +with blood, but otherwise no different from what I had seen him in +his sleep - in the same attitude too, with his cheek resting upon +his little hand. + +I took him in my arms and laid him - very gently now that he was +dead - in a thicket. My wife was from home that day, and would not +return until the next. Our bedroom window, the only sleeping-room +on that side of the house, was but a few feet from the ground, and +I resolved to descend from it at night and bury him in the garden. +I had no thought that I had failed in my design, no thought that +the water would be dragged and nothing found, that the money must +now lie waste, since I must encourage the idea that the child was +lost or stolen. All my thoughts were bound up and knotted together +in the one absorbing necessity of hiding what I had done. + +How I felt when they came to tell me that the child was missing, +when I ordered scouts in all directions, when I gasped and trembled +at every one's approach, no tongue can tell or mind of man +conceive. I buried him that night. When I parted the boughs and +looked into the dark thicket, there was a glow-worm shining like +the visible spirit of God upon the murdered child. I glanced down +into his grave when I had placed him there, and still it gleamed +upon his breast; an eye of fire looking up to Heaven in +supplication to the stars that watched me at my work. + +I had to meet my wife, and break the news, and give her hope that +the child would soon be found. All this I did, - with some +appearance, I suppose, of being sincere, for I was the object of no +suspicion. This done, I sat at the bedroom window all day long, +and watched the spot where the dreadful secret lay. + +It was in a piece of ground which had been dug up to be newly +turfed, and which I had chosen on that account, as the traces of my +spade were less likely to attract attention. The men who laid down +the grass must have thought me mad. I called to them continually +to expedite their work, ran out and worked beside them, trod down +the earth with my feet, and hurried them with frantic eagerness. +They had finished their task before night, and then I thought +myself comparatively safe. + +I slept, - not as men do who awake refreshed and cheerful, but I +did sleep, passing from vague and shadowy dreams of being hunted +down, to visions of the plot of grass, through which now a hand, +and now a foot, and now the head itself was starting out. At this +point I always woke and stole to the window, to make sure that it +was not really so. That done, I crept to bed again; and thus I +spent the night in fits and starts, getting up and lying down full +twenty times, and dreaming the same dream over and over again, - +which was far worse than lying awake, for every dream had a whole +night's suffering of its own. Once I thought the child was alive, +and that I had never tried to kill him. To wake from that dream +was the most dreadful agony of all. + +The next day I sat at the window again, never once taking my eyes +from the place, which, although it was covered by the grass, was as +plain to me - its shape, its size, its depth, its jagged sides, and +all - as if it had been open to the light of day. When a servant +walked across it, I felt as if he must sink in; when he had passed, +I looked to see that his feet had not worn the edges. If a bird +lighted there, I was in terror lest by some tremendous +interposition it should be instrumental in the discovery; if a +breath of air sighed across it, to me it whispered murder. There +was not a sight or a sound - how ordinary, mean, or unimportant +soever - but was fraught with fear. And in this state of ceaseless +watching I spent three days. + +On the fourth there came to the gate one who had served with me +abroad, accompanied by a brother officer of his whom I had never +seen. I felt that I could not bear to be out of sight of the +place. It was a summer evening, and I bade my people take a table +and a flask of wine into the garden. Then I sat down WITH MY CHAIR +UPON THE GRAVE, and being assured that nobody could disturb it now +without my knowledge, tried to drink and talk. + +They hoped that my wife was well, - that she was not obliged to +keep her chamber, - that they had not frightened her away. What +could I do but tell them with a faltering tongue about the child? +The officer whom I did not know was a down-looking man, and kept +his eyes upon the ground while I was speaking. Even that terrified +me. I could not divest myself of the idea that he saw something +there which caused him to suspect the truth. I asked him hurriedly +if he supposed that - and stopped. 'That the child has been +murdered?' said he, looking mildly at me: 'O no! what could a man +gain by murdering a poor child?' I could have told him what a man +gained by such a deed, no one better: but I held my peace and +shivered as with an ague. + +Mistaking my emotion, they were endeavouring to cheer me with the +hope that the boy would certainly be found, - great cheer that was +for me! - when we heard a low deep howl, and presently there sprung +over the wall two great dogs, who, bounding into the garden, +repeated the baying sound we had heard before. + +'Bloodhounds!' cried my visitors. + +What need to tell me that! I had never seen one of that kind in +all my life, but I knew what they were and for what purpose they +had come. I grasped the elbows of my chair, and neither spoke nor +moved. + +'They are of the genuine breed,' said the man whom I had known +abroad, 'and being out for exercise have no doubt escaped from +their keeper.' + +Both he and his friend turned to look at the dogs, who with their +noses to the ground moved restlessly about, running to and fro, and +up and down, and across, and round in circles, careering about like +wild things, and all this time taking no notice of us, but ever and +again repeating the yell we had heard already, then dropping their +noses to the ground again and tracking earnestly here and there. +They now began to snuff the earth more eagerly than they had done +yet, and although they were still very restless, no longer beat +about in such wide circuits, but kept near to one spot, and +constantly diminished the distance between themselves and me. + +At last they came up close to the great chair on which I sat, and +raising their frightful howl once more, tried to tear away the +wooden rails that kept them from the ground beneath. I saw how I +looked, in the faces of the two who were with me. + +'They scent some prey,' said they, both together. + +'They scent no prey!' cried I. + +'In Heaven's name, move!' said the one I knew, very earnestly, 'or +you will be torn to pieces.' + +'Let them tear me from limb to limb, I'll never leave this place!' +cried I. 'Are dogs to hurry men to shameful deaths? Hew them +down, cut them in pieces.' + +'There is some foul mystery here!' said the officer whom I did not +know, drawing his sword. 'In King Charles's name, assist me to +secure this man.' + +They both set upon me and forced me away, though I fought and bit +and caught at them like a madman. After a struggle, they got me +quietly between them; and then, my God! I saw the angry dogs +tearing at the earth and throwing it up into the air like water. + +What more have I to tell? That I fell upon my knees, and with +chattering teeth confessed the truth, and prayed to be forgiven. +That I have since denied, and now confess to it again. That I have +been tried for the crime, found guilty, and sentenced. That I have +not the courage to anticipate my doom, or to bear up manfully +against it. That I have no compassion, no consolation, no hope, no +friend. That my wife has happily lost for the time those faculties +which would enable her to know my misery or hers. That I am alone +in this stone dungeon with my evil spirit, and that I die to- +morrow. + + + +CORRESPONDENCE + + + +Master Humphrey has been favoured with the following letter written +on strongly-scented paper, and sealed in light-blue wax with the +representation of two very plump doves interchanging beaks. It +does not commence with any of the usual forms of address, but +begins as is here set forth. + + +Bath, Wednesday night. + +Heavens! into what an indiscretion do I suffer myself to be +betrayed! To address these faltering lines to a total stranger, +and that stranger one of a conflicting sex! - and yet I am +precipitated into the abyss, and have no power of self-snatchation +(forgive me if I coin that phrase) from the yawning gulf before me. + +Yes, I am writing to a man; but let me not think of that, for +madness is in the thought. You will understand my feelings? O +yes, I am sure you will; and you will respect them too, and not +despise them, - will you? + +Let me be calm. That portrait, - smiling as once he smiled on me; +that cane, - dangling as I have seen it dangle from his hand I know +not how oft; those legs that have glided through my nightly dreams +and never stopped to speak; the perfectly gentlemanly, though false +original, - can I be mistaken? O no, no. + +Let me be calmer yet; I would be calm as coffins. You have +published a letter from one whose likeness is engraved, but whose +name (and wherefore?) is suppressed. Shall I breathe that name! +Is it - but why ask when my heart tells me too truly that it is! + +I would not upbraid him with his treachery; I would not remind him +of those times when he plighted the most eloquent of vows, and +procured from me a small pecuniary accommodation; and yet I would +see him - see him did I say - HIM - alas! such is woman's nature. +For as the poet beautifully says - but you will already have +anticipated the sentiment. Is it not sweet? O yes! + +It was in this city (hallowed by the recollection) that I met him +first; and assuredly if mortal happiness be recorded anywhere, then +those rubbers with their three-and-sixpenny points are scored on +tablets of celestial brass. He always held an honour - generally +two. On that eventful night we stood at eight. He raised his eyes +(luminous in their seductive sweetness) to my agitated face. 'CAN +you?' said he, with peculiar meaning. I felt the gentle pressure +of his foot on mine; our corns throbbed in unison. 'CAN you?' he +said again; and every lineament of his expressive countenance added +the words 'resist me?' I murmured 'No,' and fainted. + +They said, when I recovered, it was the weather. I said it was the +nutmeg in the negus. How little did they suspect the truth! How +little did they guess the deep mysterious meaning of that inquiry! +He called next morning on his knees; I do not mean to say that he +actually came in that position to the house-door, but that he went +down upon those joints directly the servant had retired. He +brought some verses in his hat, which he said were original, but +which I have since found were Milton's; likewise a little bottle +labelled laudanum; also a pistol and a sword-stick. He drew the +latter, uncorked the former, and clicked the trigger of the pocket +fire-arm. He had come, he said, to conquer or to die. He did not +die. He wrested from me an avowal of my love, and let off the +pistol out of a back window previous to partaking of a slight +repast. + +Faithless, inconstant man! How many ages seem to have elapsed +since his unaccountable and perfidious disappearance! Could I +still forgive him both that and the borrowed lucre that he promised +to pay next week! Could I spurn him from my feet if he approached +in penitence, and with a matrimonial object! Would the blandishing +enchanter still weave his spells around me, or should I burst them +all and turn away in coldness! I dare not trust my weakness with +the thought. + +My brain is in a whirl again. You know his address, his +occupations, his mode of life, - are acquainted, perhaps, with his +inmost thoughts. You are a humane and philanthropic character; +reveal all you know - all; but especially the street and number of +his lodgings. The post is departing, the bellman rings, - pray +Heaven it be not the knell of love and hope to + +BELINDA. + +P.S. Pardon the wanderings of a bad pen and a distracted mind. +Address to the Post-office. The bellman, rendered impatient by +delay, is ringing dreadfully in the passage. + +P.P.S. I open this to say that the bellman is gone, and that you +must not expect it till the next post; so don't be surprised when +you don't get it. + + +Master Humphrey does not feel himself at liberty to furnish his +fair correspondent with the address of the gentleman in question, +but he publishes her letter as a public appeal to his faith and +gallantry. + + + +CHAPTER III - MASTER HUMPHREY'S VISITOR + + + +WHEN I am in a thoughtful mood, I often succeed in diverting the +current of some mournful reflections, by conjuring up a number of +fanciful associations with the objects that surround me, and +dwelling upon the scenes and characters they suggest. + +I have been led by this habit to assign to every room in my house +and every old staring portrait on its walls a separate interest of +its own. Thus, I am persuaded that a stately dame, terrible to +behold in her rigid modesty, who hangs above the chimney-piece of +my bedroom, is the former lady of the mansion. In the courtyard +below is a stone face of surpassing ugliness, which I have somehow +- in a kind of jealousy, I am afraid - associated with her husband. +Above my study is a little room with ivy peeping through the +lattice, from which I bring their daughter, a lovely girl of +eighteen or nineteen years of age, and dutiful in all respects save +one, that one being her devoted attachment to a young gentleman on +the stairs, whose grandmother (degraded to a disused laundry in the +garden) piques herself upon an old family quarrel, and is the +implacable enemy of their love. With such materials as these I +work out many a little drama, whose chief merit is, that I can +bring it to a happy end at will. I have so many of them on hand, +that if on my return home one of these evenings I were to find some +bluff old wight of two centuries ago comfortably seated in my easy +chair, and a lovelorn damsel vainly appealing to his heart, and +leaning her white arm upon my clock itself, I verily believe I +should only express my surprise that they had kept me waiting so +long, and never honoured me with a call before. + +I was in such a mood as this, sitting in my garden yesterday +morning under the shade of a favourite tree, revelling in all the +bloom and brightness about me, and feeling every sense of hope and +enjoyment quickened by this most beautiful season of Spring, when +my meditations were interrupted by the unexpected appearance of my +barber at the end of the walk, who I immediately saw was coming +towards me with a hasty step that betokened something remarkable. + +My barber is at all times a very brisk, bustling, active little +man, - for he is, as it were, chubby all over, without being stout +or unwieldy, - but yesterday his alacrity was so very uncommon that +it quite took me by surprise. For could I fail to observe when he +came up to me that his gray eyes were twinkling in a most +extraordinary manner, that his little red nose was in an unusual +glow, that every line in his round bright face was twisted and +curved into an expression of pleased surprise, and that his whole +countenance was radiant with glee? I was still more surprised to +see my housekeeper, who usually preserves a very staid air, and +stands somewhat upon her dignity, peeping round the hedge at the +bottom of the walk, and exchanging nods and smiles with the barber, +who twice or thrice looked over his shoulder for that purpose. I +could conceive no announcement to which these appearances could be +the prelude, unless it were that they had married each other that +morning. + +I was, consequently, a little disappointed when it only came out +that there was a gentleman in the house who wished to speak with +me. + +'And who is it?' said I. + +The barber, with his face screwed up still tighter than before, +replied that the gentleman would not send his name, but wished to +see me. I pondered for a moment, wondering who this visitor might +be, and I remarked that he embraced the opportunity of exchanging +another nod with the housekeeper, who still lingered in the +distance. + +'Well!' said I, 'bid the gentleman come here.' + +This seemed to be the consummation of the barber's hopes, for he +turned sharp round, and actually ran away. + +Now, my sight is not very good at a distance, and therefore when +the gentleman first appeared in the walk, I was not quite clear +whether he was a stranger to me or otherwise. He was an elderly +gentleman, but came tripping along in the pleasantest manner +conceivable, avoiding the garden-roller and the borders of the beds +with inimitable dexterity, picking his way among the flower-pots, +and smiling with unspeakable good humour. Before he was half-way +up the walk he began to salute me; then I thought I knew him; but +when he came towards me with his hat in his hand, the sun shining +on his bald head, his bland face, his bright spectacles, his fawn- +coloured tights, and his black gaiters, - then my heart warmed +towards him, and I felt quite certain that it was Mr. Pickwick. + +'My dear sir,' said that gentleman as I rose to receive him, 'pray +be seated. Pray sit down. Now, do not stand on my account. I +must insist upon it, really.' With these words Mr. Pickwick gently +pressed me down into my seat, and taking my hand in his, shook it +again and again with a warmth of manner perfectly irresistible. I +endeavoured to express in my welcome something of that heartiness +and pleasure which the sight of him awakened, and made him sit down +beside me. All this time he kept alternately releasing my hand and +grasping it again, and surveying me through his spectacles with +such a beaming countenance as I never till then beheld. + +'You knew me directly!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'What a pleasure it is +to think that you knew me directly!' + +I remarked that I had read his adventures very often, and his +features were quite familiar to me from the published portraits. +As I thought it a good opportunity of adverting to the +circumstance, I condoled with him upon the various libels on his +character which had found their way into print. Mr. Pickwick shook +his head, and for a moment looked very indignant, but smiling again +directly, added that no doubt I was acquainted with Cervantes's +introduction to the second part of Don Quixote, and that it fully +expressed his sentiments on the subject. + +'But now,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'don't you wonder how I found you +out?' + +'I shall never wonder, and, with your good leave, never know,' said +I, smiling in my turn. 'It is enough for me that you give me this +gratification. I have not the least desire that you should tell me +by what means I have obtained it.' + +'You are very kind,' returned Mr. Pickwick, shaking me by the hand +again; 'you are so exactly what I expected! But for what +particular purpose do you think I have sought you, my dear sir? +Now what DO you think I have come for?' + +Mr. Pickwick put this question as though he were persuaded that it +was morally impossible that I could by any means divine the deep +purpose of his visit, and that it must be hidden from all human +ken. Therefore, although I was rejoiced to think that I had +anticipated his drift, I feigned to be quite ignorant of it, and +after a brief consideration shook my head despairingly. + +'What should you say,' said Mr. Pickwick, laying the forefinger of +his left hand upon my coat-sleeve, and looking at me with his head +thrown back, and a little on one side, - 'what should you say if I +confessed that after reading your account of yourself and your +little society, I had come here, a humble candidate for one of +those empty chairs?' + +'I should say,' I returned, 'that I know of only one circumstance +which could still further endear that little society to me, and +that would be the associating with it my old friend, - for you must +let me call you so, - my old friend, Mr. Pickwick.' + +As I made him this answer every feature of Mr. Pickwick's face +fused itself into one all-pervading expression of delight. After +shaking me heartily by both hands at once, he patted me gently on +the back, and then - I well understood why - coloured up to the +eyes, and hoped with great earnestness of manner that he had not +hurt me. + +If he had, I would have been content that he should have repeated +the offence a hundred times rather than suppose so; but as he had +not, I had no difficulty in changing the subject by making an +inquiry which had been upon my lips twenty times already. + +'You have not told me,' said I, 'anything about Sam Weller.' + +'O! Sam,' replied Mr. Pickwick, 'is the same as ever. The same +true, faithful fellow that he ever was. What should I tell you +about Sam, my dear sir, except that he is more indispensable to my +happiness and comfort every day of my life?' + +'And Mr. Weller senior?' said I. + +'Old Mr. Weller,' returned Mr. Pickwick, 'is in no respect more +altered than Sam, unless it be that he is a little more opinionated +than he was formerly, and perhaps at times more talkative. He +spends a good deal of his time now in our neighbourhood, and has so +constituted himself a part of my bodyguard, that when I ask +permission for Sam to have a seat in your kitchen on clock nights +(supposing your three friends think me worthy to fill one of the +chairs), I am afraid I must often include Mr. Weller too.' + +I very readily pledged myself to give both Sam and his father a +free admission to my house at all hours and seasons, and this point +settled, we fell into a lengthy conversation which was carried on +with as little reserve on both sides as if we had been intimate +friends from our youth, and which conveyed to me the comfortable +assurance that Mr. Pickwick's buoyancy of spirit, and indeed all +his old cheerful characteristics, were wholly unimpaired. As he +had spoken of the consent of my friends as being yet in abeyance, I +repeatedly assured him that his proposal was certain to receive +their most joyful sanction, and several times entreated that he +would give me leave to introduce him to Jack Redburn and Mr. Miles +(who were near at hand) without further ceremony. + +To this proposal, however, Mr. Pickwick's delicacy would by no +means allow him to accede, for he urged that his eligibility must +be formally discussed, and that, until this had been done, he could +not think of obtruding himself further. The utmost I could obtain +from him was a promise that he would attend upon our next night of +meeting, that I might have the pleasure of presenting him +immediately on his election. + +Mr. Pickwick, having with many blushes placed in my hands a small +roll of paper, which he termed his 'qualification,' put a great +many questions to me touching my friends, and particularly Jack +Redburn, whom he repeatedly termed 'a fine fellow,' and in whose +favour I could see he was strongly predisposed. When I had +satisfied him on these points, I took him up into my room, that he +might make acquaintance with the old chamber which is our place of +meeting. + +'And this,' said Mr. Pickwick, stopping short, 'is the clock! Dear +me! And this is really the old clock!' + +I thought he would never have come away from it. After advancing +towards it softly, and laying his hand upon it with as much respect +and as many smiling looks as if it were alive, he set himself to +consider it in every possible direction, now mounting on a chair to +look at the top, now going down upon his knees to examine the +bottom, now surveying the sides with his spectacles almost touching +the case, and now trying to peep between it and the wall to get a +slight view of the back. Then he would retire a pace or two and +look up at the dial to see it go, and then draw near again and +stand with his head on one side to hear it tick: never failing to +glance towards me at intervals of a few seconds each, and nod his +head with such complacent gratification as I am quite unable to +describe. His admiration was not confined to the clock either, but +extended itself to every article in the room; and really, when he +had gone through them every one, and at last sat himself down in +all the six chairs, one after another, to try how they felt, I +never saw such a picture of good-humour and happiness as he +presented, from the top of his shining head down to the very last +button of his gaiters. + +I should have been well pleased, and should have had the utmost +enjoyment of his company, if he had remained with me all day, but +my favourite, striking the hour, reminded him that he must take his +leave. I could not forbear telling him once more how glad he had +made me, and we shook hands all the way down-stairs. + +We had no sooner arrived in the Hall than my housekeeper, gliding +out of her little room (she had changed her gown and cap, I +observed), greeted Mr. Pickwick with her best smile and courtesy; +and the barber, feigning to be accidentally passing on his way out, +made him a vast number of bows. When the housekeeper courtesied, +Mr. Pickwick bowed with the utmost politeness, and when he bowed, +the housekeeper courtesied again; between the housekeeper and the +barber, I should say that Mr. Pickwick faced about and bowed with +undiminished affability fifty times at least. + +I saw him to the door; an omnibus was at the moment passing the +corner of the lane, which Mr. Pickwick hailed and ran after with +extraordinary nimbleness. When he had got about half-way, he +turned his head, and seeing that I was still looking after him and +that I waved my hand, stopped, evidently irresolute whether to come +back and shake hands again, or to go on. The man behind the +omnibus shouted, and Mr. Pickwick ran a little way towards him: +then he looked round at me, and ran a little way back again. Then +there was another shout, and he turned round once more and ran the +other way. After several of these vibrations, the man settled the +question by taking Mr. Pickwick by the arm and putting him into the +carriage; but his last action was to let down the window and wave +his hat to me as it drove off. + +I lost no time in opening the parcel he had left with me. The +following were its contents:- + + + +MR. PICKWICK'S TALE + + + +A good many years have passed away since old John Podgers lived in +the town of Windsor, where he was born, and where, in course of +time, he came to be comfortably and snugly buried. You may be sure +that in the time of King James the First, Windsor was a very quaint +queer old town, and you may take it upon my authority that John +Podgers was a very quaint queer old fellow; consequently he and +Windsor fitted each other to a nicety, and seldom parted company +even for half a day. + +John Podgers was broad, sturdy, Dutch-built, short, and a very hard +eater, as men of his figure often are. Being a hard sleeper +likewise, he divided his time pretty equally between these two +recreations, always falling asleep when he had done eating, and +always taking another turn at the trencher when he had done +sleeping, by which means he grew more corpulent and more drowsy +every day of his life. Indeed it used to be currently reported +that when he sauntered up and down the sunny side of the street +before dinner (as he never failed to do in fair weather), he +enjoyed his soundest nap; but many people held this to be a +fiction, as he had several times been seen to look after fat oxen +on market-days, and had even been heard, by persons of good credit +and reputation, to chuckle at the sight, and say to himself with +great glee, 'Live beef, live beef!' It was upon this evidence that +the wisest people in Windsor (beginning with the local authorities +of course) held that John Podgers was a man of strong, sound sense, +not what is called smart, perhaps, and it might be of a rather lazy +and apoplectic turn, but still a man of solid parts, and one who +meant much more than he cared to show. This impression was +confirmed by a very dignified way he had of shaking his head and +imparting, at the same time, a pendulous motion to his double chin; +in short, he passed for one of those people who, being plunged into +the Thames, would make no vain efforts to set it afire, but would +straightway flop down to the bottom with a deal of gravity, and be +highly respected in consequence by all good men. + +Being well to do in the world, and a peaceful widower, - having a +great appetite, which, as he could afford to gratify it, was a +luxury and no inconvenience, and a power of going to sleep, which, +as he had no occasion to keep awake, was a most enviable faculty, - +you will readily suppose that John Podgers was a happy man. But +appearances are often deceptive when they least seem so, and the +truth is that, notwithstanding his extreme sleekness, he was +rendered uneasy in his mind and exceedingly uncomfortable by a +constant apprehension that beset him night and day. + +You know very well that in those times there flourished divers evil +old women who, under the name of Witches, spread great disorder +through the land, and inflicted various dismal tortures upon +Christian men; sticking pins and needles into them when they least +expected it, and causing them to walk in the air with their feet +upwards, to the great terror of their wives and families, who were +naturally very much disconcerted when the master of the house +unexpectedly came home, knocking at the door with his heels and +combing his hair on the scraper. These were their commonest +pranks, but they every day played a hundred others, of which none +were less objectionable, and many were much more so, being improper +besides; the result was that vengeance was denounced against all +old women, with whom even the king himself had no sympathy (as he +certainly ought to have had), for with his own most Gracious hand +he penned a most Gracious consignment of them to everlasting wrath, +and devised most Gracious means for their confusion and slaughter, +in virtue whereof scarcely a day passed but one witch at the least +was most graciously hanged, drowned, or roasted in some part of his +dominions. Still the press teemed with strange and terrible news +from the North or the South, or the East or the West, relative to +witches and their unhappy victims in some corner of the country, +and the Public's hair stood on end to that degree that it lifted +its hat off its head, and made its face pale with terror. + +You may believe that the little town of Windsor did not escape the +general contagion. The inhabitants boiled a witch on the king's +birthday and sent a bottle of the broth to court, with a dutiful +address expressive of their loyalty. The king, being rather +frightened by the present, piously bestowed it upon the Archbishop +of Canterbury, and returned an answer to the address, wherein he +gave them golden rules for discovering witches, and laid great +stress upon certain protecting charms, and especially horseshoes. +Immediately the towns-people went to work nailing up horseshoes +over every door, and so many anxious parents apprenticed their +children to farriers to keep them out of harm's way, that it became +quite a genteel trade, and flourished exceedingly. + +In the midst of all this bustle John Podgers ate and slept as +usual, but shook his head a great deal oftener than was his custom, +and was observed to look at the oxen less, and at the old women +more. He had a little shelf put up in his sitting-room, whereon +was displayed, in a row which grew longer every week, all the +witchcraft literature of the time; he grew learned in charms and +exorcisms, hinted at certain questionable females on broomsticks +whom he had seen from his chamber window, riding in the air at +night, and was in constant terror of being bewitched. At length, +from perpetually dwelling upon this one idea, which, being alone in +his head, had all its own way, the fear of witches became the +single passion of his life. He, who up to that time had never +known what it was to dream, began to have visions of witches +whenever he fell asleep; waking, they were incessantly present to +his imagination likewise; and, sleeping or waking, he had not a +moment's peace. He began to set witch-traps in the highway, and +was often seen lying in wait round the corner for hours together, +to watch their effect. These engines were of simple construction, +usually consisting of two straws disposed in the form of a cross, +or a piece of a Bible cover with a pinch of salt upon it; but they +were infallible, and if an old woman chanced to stumble over them +(as not unfrequently happened, the chosen spot being a broken and +stony place), John started from a doze, pounced out upon her, and +hung round her neck till assistance arrived, when she was +immediately carried away and drowned. By dint of constantly +inveigling old ladies and disposing of them in this summary manner, +he acquired the reputation of a great public character; and as he +received no harm in these pursuits beyond a scratched face or so, +he came, in the course of time, to be considered witch-proof. + +There was but one person who entertained the least doubt of John +Podgers's gifts, and that person was his own nephew, a wild, roving +young fellow of twenty who had been brought up in his uncle's house +and lived there still, - that is to say, when he was at home, which +was not as often as it might have been. As he was an apt scholar, +it was he who read aloud every fresh piece of strange and terrible +intelligence that John Podgers bought; and this he always did of an +evening in the little porch in front of the house, round which the +neighbours would flock in crowds to hear the direful news, - for +people like to be frightened, and when they can be frightened for +nothing and at another man's expense, they like it all the better. + +One fine midsummer evening, a group of persons were gathered in +this place, listening intently to Will Marks (that was the nephew's +name), as with his cap very much on one side, his arm coiled slyly +round the waist of a pretty girl who sat beside him, and his face +screwed into a comical expression intended to represent extreme +gravity, he read - with Heaven knows how many embellishments of his +own - a dismal account of a gentleman down in Northamptonshire +under the influence of witchcraft and taken forcible possession of +by the Devil, who was playing his very self with him. John +Podgers, in a high sugar-loaf hat and short cloak, filled the +opposite seat, and surveyed the auditory with a look of mingled +pride and horror very edifying to see; while the hearers, with +their heads thrust forward and their mouths open, listened and +trembled, and hoped there was a great deal more to come. Sometimes +Will stopped for an instant to look round upon his eager audience, +and then, with a more comical expression of face than before and a +settling of himself comfortably, which included a squeeze of the +young lady before mentioned, he launched into some new wonder +surpassing all the others. + +The setting sun shed his last golden rays upon this little party, +who, absorbed in their present occupation, took no heed of the +approach of night, or the glory in which the day went down, when +the sound of a horse, approaching at a good round trot, invading +the silence of the hour, caused the reader to make a sudden stop, +and the listeners to raise their heads in wonder. Nor was their +wonder diminished when a horseman dashed up to the porch, and +abruptly checking his steed, inquired where one John Podgers dwelt. + +'Here!' cried a dozen voices, while a dozen hands pointed out +sturdy John, still basking in the terrors of the pamphlet. + +The rider, giving his bridle to one of those who surrounded him, +dismounted, and approached John, hat in hand, but with great haste. + +'Whence come ye?' said John. + +'From Kingston, master.' + +'And wherefore?' + +'On most pressing business.' + +'Of what nature?' + +'Witchcraft.' + +Witchcraft! Everybody looked aghast at the breathless messenger, +and the breathless messenger looked equally aghast at everybody - +except Will Marks, who, finding himself unobserved, not only +squeezed the young lady again, but kissed her twice. Surely he +must have been bewitched himself, or he never could have done it - +and the young lady too, or she never would have let him. + +'Witchcraft!' cried Will, drowning the sound of his last kiss, +which was rather a loud one. + +The messenger turned towards him, and with a frown repeated the +word more solemnly than before; then told his errand, which was, in +brief, that the people of Kingston had been greatly terrified for +some nights past by hideous revels, held by witches beneath the +gibbet within a mile of the town, and related and deposed to by +chance wayfarers who had passed within ear-shot of the spot; that +the sound of their voices in their wild orgies had been plainly +heard by many persons; that three old women laboured under strong +suspicion, and that precedents had been consulted and solemn +council had, and it was found that to identify the hags some single +person must watch upon the spot alone; that no single person had +the courage to perform the task; and that he had been despatched +express to solicit John Podgers to undertake it that very night, as +being a man of great renown, who bore a charmed life, and was proof +against unholy spells. + +John received this communication with much composure, and said in a +few words, that it would have afforded him inexpressible pleasure +to do the Kingston people so slight a service, if it were not for +his unfortunate propensity to fall asleep, which no man regretted +more than himself upon the present occasion, but which quite +settled the question. Nevertheless, he said, there WAS a gentleman +present (and here he looked very hard at a tall farrier), who, +having been engaged all his life in the manufacture of horseshoes, +must be quite invulnerable to the power of witches, and who, he had +no doubt, from his own reputation for bravery and good-nature, +would readily accept the commission. The farrier politely thanked +him for his good opinion, which it would always be his study to +deserve, but added that, with regard to the present little matter, +he couldn't think of it on any account, as his departing on such an +errand would certainly occasion the instant death of his wife, to +whom, as they all knew, he was tenderly attached. Now, so far from +this circumstance being notorious, everybody had suspected the +reverse, as the farrier was in the habit of beating his lady rather +more than tender husbands usually do; all the married men present, +however, applauded his resolution with great vehemence, and one and +all declared that they would stop at home and die if needful (which +happily it was not) in defence of their lawful partners. + +This burst of enthusiasm over, they began to look, as by one +consent, toward Will Marks, who, with his cap more on one side than +ever, sat watching the proceedings with extraordinary unconcern. +He had never been heard openly to express his disbelief in witches, +but had often cut such jokes at their expense as left it to be +inferred; publicly stating on several occasions that he considered +a broomstick an inconvenient charger, and one especially unsuited +to the dignity of the female character, and indulging in other free +remarks of the same tendency, to the great amusement of his wild +companions. + +As they looked at Will they began to whisper and murmur among +themselves, and at length one man cried, 'Why don't you ask Will +Marks?' + +As this was what everybody had been thinking of, they all took up +the word, and cried in concert, 'Ah! why don't you ask Will?' + +'HE don't care,' said the farrier. + +'Not he,' added another voice in the crowd. + +'He don't believe in it, you know,' sneered a little man with a +yellow face and a taunting nose and chin, which he thrust out from +under the arm of a long man before him. + +'Besides,' said a red-faced gentleman with a gruff voice, 'he's a +single man.' + +'That's the point!' said the farrier; and all the married men +murmured, ah! that was it, and they only wished they were single +themselves; they would show him what spirit was, very soon. + +The messenger looked towards Will Marks beseechingly. + +'It will be a wet night, friend, and my gray nag is tired after +yesterday's work - ' + +Here there was a general titter. + +'But,' resumed Will, looking about him with a smile, 'if nobody +else puts in a better claim to go, for the credit of the town I am +your man, and I would be, if I had to go afoot. In five minutes I +shall be in the saddle, unless I am depriving any worthy gentleman +here of the honour of the adventure, which I wouldn't do for the +world.' + +But here arose a double difficulty, for not only did John Podgers +combat the resolution with all the words he had, which were not +many, but the young lady combated it too with all the tears she +had, which were very many indeed. Will, however, being inflexible, +parried his uncle's objections with a joke, and coaxed the young +lady into a smile in three short whispers. As it was plain that he +set his mind upon it, and would go, John Podgers offered him a few +first-rate charms out of his own pocket, which he dutifully +declined to accept; and the young lady gave him a kiss, which he +also returned. + +'You see what a rare thing it is to be married,' said Will, 'and +how careful and considerate all these husbands are. There's not a +man among them but his heart is leaping to forestall me in this +adventure, and yet a strong sense of duty keeps him back. The +husbands in this one little town are a pattern to the world, and so +must the wives be too, for that matter, or they could never boast +half the influence they have!' + +Waiting for no reply to this sarcasm, he snapped his fingers and +withdrew into the house, and thence into the stable, while some +busied themselves in refreshing the messenger, and others in +baiting his steed. In less than the specified time he returned by +another way, with a good cloak hanging over his arm, a good sword +girded by his side, and leading his good horse caparisoned for the +journey. + +'Now,' said Will, leaping into the saddle at a bound, 'up and away. +Upon your mettle, friend, and push on. Good night!' + +He kissed his hand to the girl, nodded to his drowsy uncle, waved +his cap to the rest - and off they flew pell-mell, as if all the +witches in England were in their horses' legs. They were out of +sight in a minute. + +The men who were left behind shook their heads doubtfully, stroked +their chins, and shook their heads again. The farrier said that +certainly Will Marks was a good horseman, nobody should ever say he +denied that: but he was rash, very rash, and there was no telling +what the end of it might be; what did he go for, that was what he +wanted to know? He wished the young fellow no harm, but why did he +go? Everybody echoed these words, and shook their heads again, +having done which they wished John Podgers good night, and +straggled home to bed. + +The Kingston people were in their first sleep when Will Marks and +his conductor rode through the town and up to the door of a house +where sundry grave functionaries were assembled, anxiously +expecting the arrival of the renowned Podgers. They were a little +disappointed to find a gay young man in his place; but they put the +best face upon the matter, and gave him full instructions how he +was to conceal himself behind the gibbet, and watch and listen to +the witches, and how at a certain time he was to burst forth and +cut and slash among them vigorously, so that the suspected parties +might be found bleeding in their beds next day, and thoroughly +confounded. They gave him a great quantity of wholesome advice +besides, and - which was more to the purpose with Will - a good +supper. All these things being done, and midnight nearly come, +they sallied forth to show him the spot where he was to keep his +dreary vigil. + +The night was by this time dark and threatening. There was a +rumbling of distant thunder, and a low sighing of wind among the +trees, which was very dismal. The potentates of the town kept so +uncommonly close to Will that they trod upon his toes, or stumbled +against his ankles, or nearly tripped up his heels at every step he +took, and, besides these annoyances, their teeth chattered so with +fear, that he seemed to be accompanied by a dirge of castanets. + +At last they made a halt at the opening of a lonely, desolate +space, and, pointing to a black object at some distance, asked Will +if he saw that, yonder. + +'Yes,' he replied. 'What then?' + +Informing him abruptly that it was the gibbet where he was to +watch, they wished him good night in an extremely friendly manner, +and ran back as fast as their feet would carry them. + +Will walked boldly to the gibbet, and, glancing upwards when he +came under it, saw - certainly with satisfaction - that it was +empty, and that nothing dangled from the top but some iron chains, +which swung mournfully to and fro as they were moved by the breeze. +After a careful survey of every quarter he determined to take his +station with his face towards the town; both because that would +place him with his back to the wind, and because, if any trick or +surprise were attempted, it would probably come from that direction +in the first instance. Having taken these precautions, he wrapped +his cloak about him so that it left the handle of his sword free, +and ready to his hand, and leaning against the gallows-tree with +his cap not quite so much on one side as it had been before, took +up his position for the night. + + + +SECOND CHAPTER OF MR. PICKWICK'S TALE + + + +We left Will Marks leaning under the gibbet with his face towards +the town, scanning the distance with a keen eye, which sought to +pierce the darkness and catch the earliest glimpse of any person or +persons that might approach towards him. But all was quiet, and, +save the howling of the wind as it swept across the heath in gusts, +and the creaking of the chains that dangled above his head, there +was no sound to break the sullen stillness of the night. After +half an hour or so this monotony became more disconcerting to Will +than the most furious uproar would have been, and he heartily +wished for some one antagonist with whom he might have a fair +stand-up fight, if it were only to warm himself. + +Truth to tell, it was a bitter wind, and seemed to blow to the very +heart of a man whose blood, heated but now with rapid riding, was +the more sensitive to the chilling blast. Will was a daring +fellow, and cared not a jot for hard knocks or sharp blades; but he +could not persuade himself to move or walk about, having just that +vague expectation of a sudden assault which made it a comfortable +thing to have something at his back, even though that something +were a gallows-tree. He had no great faith in the superstitions of +the age, still such of them as occurred to him did not serve to +lighten the time, or to render his situation the more endurable. +He remembered how witches were said to repair at that ghostly hour +to churchyards and gibbets, and such-like dismal spots, to pluck +the bleeding mandrake or scrape the flesh from dead men's bones, as +choice ingredients for their spells; how, stealing by night to +lonely places, they dug graves with their finger-nails, or anointed +themselves before riding in the air, with a delicate pomatum made +of the fat of infants newly boiled. These, and many other fabled +practices of a no less agreeable nature, and all having some +reference to the circumstances in which he was placed, passed and +repassed in quick succession through the mind of Will Marks, and +adding a shadowy dread to that distrust and watchfulness which his +situation inspired, rendered it, upon the whole, sufficiently +uncomfortable. As he had foreseen, too, the rain began to descend +heavily, and driving before the wind in a thick mist, obscured even +those few objects which the darkness of the night had before +imperfectly revealed. + +'Look!' shrieked a voice. 'Great Heaven, it has fallen down, and +stands erect as if it lived!' + +The speaker was close behind him; the voice was almost at his ear. +Will threw off his cloak, drew his sword, and darting swiftly +round, seized a woman by the wrist, who, recoiling from him with a +dreadful shriek, fell struggling upon her knees. Another woman, +clad, like her whom he had grasped, in mourning garments, stood +rooted to the spot on which they were, gazing upon his face with +wild and glaring eyes that quite appalled him. + +'Say,' cried Will, when they had confronted each other thus for +some time, 'what are ye?' + +'Say what are YOU,' returned the woman, 'who trouble even this +obscene resting-place of the dead, and strip the gibbet of its +honoured burden? Where is the body?' + +He looked in wonder and affright from the woman who questioned him +to the other whose arm he clutched. + +'Where is the body?' repeated the questioner more firmly than +before. 'You wear no livery which marks you for the hireling of +the government. You are no friend to us, or I should recognise +you, for the friends of such as we are few in number. What are you +then, and wherefore are you here?' + +'I am no foe to the distressed and helpless,' said Will. 'Are ye +among that number? ye should be by your looks.' + +'We are!' was the answer. + +'Is it ye who have been wailing and weeping here under cover of the +night?' said Will. + +'It is,' replied the woman sternly; and pointing, as she spoke, +towards her companion, 'she mourns a husband, and I a brother. +Even the bloody law that wreaks its vengeance on the dead does not +make that a crime, and if it did 'twould be alike to us who are +past its fear or favour.' + +Will glanced at the two females, and could barely discern that the +one whom he addressed was much the elder, and that the other was +young and of a slight figure. Both were deadly pale, their +garments wet and worn, their hair dishevelled and streaming in the +wind, themselves bowed down with grief and misery; their whole +appearance most dejected, wretched, and forlorn. A sight so +different from any he had expected to encounter touched him to the +quick, and all idea of anything but their pitiable condition +vanished before it. + +'I am a rough, blunt yeoman,' said Will. 'Why I came here is told +in a word; you have been overheard at a distance in the silence of +the night, and I have undertaken a watch for hags or spirits. I +came here expecting an adventure, and prepared to go through with +any. If there be aught that I can do to help or aid you, name it, +and on the faith of a man who can be secret and trusty, I will +stand by you to the death.' + +'How comes this gibbet to be empty?' asked the elder female. + +'I swear to you,' replied Will, 'that I know as little as yourself. +But this I know, that when I came here an hour ago or so, it was as +it is now; and if, as I gather from your question, it was not so +last night, sure I am that it has been secretly disturbed without +the knowledge of the folks in yonder town. Bethink you, therefore, +whether you have no friends in league with you or with him on whom +the law has done its worst, by whom these sad remains have been +removed for burial.' + +The women spoke together, and Will retired a pace or two while they +conversed apart. He could hear them sob and moan, and saw that +they wrung their hands in fruitless agony. He could make out +little that they said, but between whiles he gathered enough to +assure him that his suggestion was not very wide of the mark, and +that they not only suspected by whom the body had been removed, but +also whither it had been conveyed. When they had been in +conversation a long time, they turned towards him once more. This +time the younger female spoke. + +'You have offered us your help?' + +'I have.' + +'And given a pledge that you are still willing to redeem?' + +'Yes. So far as I may, keeping all plots and conspiracies at arm's +length.' + +'Follow us, friend.' + +Will, whose self-possession was now quite restored, needed no +second bidding, but with his drawn sword in his hand, and his cloak +so muffled over his left arm as to serve for a kind of shield +without offering any impediment to its free action, suffered them +to lead the way. Through mud and mire, and wind and rain, they +walked in silence a full mile. At length they turned into a dark +lane, where, suddenly starting out from beneath some trees where he +had taken shelter, a man appeared, having in his charge three +saddled horses. One of these (his own apparently), in obedience to +a whisper from the women, he consigned to Will, who, seeing that +they mounted, mounted also. Then, without a word spoken, they rode +on together, leaving the attendant behind. + +They made no halt nor slackened their pace until they arrived near +Putney. At a large wooden house which stood apart from any other +they alighted, and giving their horses to one who was already +waiting, passed in by a side door, and so up some narrow creaking +stairs into a small panelled chamber, where Will was left alone. +He had not been here very long, when the door was softly opened, +and there entered to him a cavalier whose face was concealed +beneath a black mask. + +Will stood upon his guard, and scrutinised this figure from head to +foot. The form was that of a man pretty far advanced in life, but +of a firm and stately carriage. His dress was of a rich and costly +kind, but so soiled and disordered that it was scarcely to be +recognised for one of those gorgeous suits which the expensive +taste and fashion of the time prescribed for men of any rank or +station. + +He was booted and spurred, and bore about him even as many tokens +of the state of the roads as Will himself. All this he noted, +while the eyes behind the mask regarded him with equal attention. +This survey over, the cavalier broke silence. + +'Thou'rt young and bold, and wouldst be richer than thou art?' + +'The two first I am,' returned Will. 'The last I have scarcely +thought of. But be it so. Say that I would be richer than I am; +what then?' + +'The way lies before thee now,' replied the Mask. + +'Show it me.' + +'First let me inform thee, that thou wert brought here to-night +lest thou shouldst too soon have told thy tale to those who placed +thee on the watch.' + +'I thought as much when I followed,' said Will. 'But I am no blab, +not I.' + +'Good,' returned the Mask. 'Now listen. He who was to have +executed the enterprise of burying that body, which, as thou hast +suspected, was taken down to-night, has left us in our need.' + +Will nodded, and thought within himself that if the Mask were to +attempt to play any tricks, the first eyelet-hole on the left-hand +side of his doublet, counting from the buttons up the front, would +be a very good place in which to pink him neatly. + +'Thou art here, and the emergency is desperate. I propose his task +to thee. Convey the body (now coffined in this house), by means +that I shall show, to the Church of St. Dunstan in London to-morrow +night, and thy service shall be richly paid. Thou'rt about to ask +whose corpse it is. Seek not to know. I warn thee, seek not to +know. Felons hang in chains on every moor and heath. Believe, as +others do, that this was one, and ask no further. The murders of +state policy, its victims or avengers, had best remain unknown to +such as thee.' + +'The mystery of this service,' said Will, 'bespeaks its danger. +What is the reward?' + +'One hundred golden unities,' replied the cavalier. 'The danger to +one who cannot be recognised as the friend of a fallen cause is not +great, but there is some hazard to be run. Decide between that and +the reward.' + +'What if I refuse?' said Will. + +'Depart in peace, in God's name,' returned the Mask in a melancholy +tone, 'and keep our secret, remembering that those who brought thee +here were crushed and stricken women, and that those who bade thee +go free could have had thy life with one word, and no man the +wiser.' + +Men were readier to undertake desperate adventures in those times +than they are now. In this case the temptation was great, and the +punishment, even in case of detection, was not likely to be very +severe, as Will came of a loyal stock, and his uncle was in good +repute, and a passable tale to account for his possession of the +body and his ignorance of the identity might be easily devised. + +The cavalier explained that a coveted cart had been prepared for +the purpose; that the time of departure could be arranged so that +he should reach London Bridge at dusk, and proceed through the City +after the day had closed in; that people would be ready at his +journey's end to place the coffin in a vault without a minute's +delay; that officious inquirers in the streets would be easily +repelled by the tale that he was carrying for interment the corpse +of one who had died of the plague; and in short showed him every +reason why he should succeed, and none why he should fail. After a +time they were joined by another gentleman, masked like the first, +who added new arguments to those which had been already urged; the +wretched wife, too, added her tears and prayers to their calmer +representations; and in the end, Will, moved by compassion and +good-nature, by a love of the marvellous, by a mischievous +anticipation of the terrors of the Kingston people when he should +be missing next day, and finally, by the prospect of gain, took +upon himself the task, and devoted all his energies to its +successful execution. + +The following night, when it was quite dark, the hollow echoes of +old London Bridge responded to the rumbling of the cart which +contained the ghastly load, the object of Will Marks' care. +Sufficiently disguised to attract no attention by his garb, Will +walked at the horse's head, as unconcerned as a man could be who +was sensible that he had now arrived at the most dangerous part of +his undertaking, but full of boldness and confidence. + +It was now eight o'clock. After nine, none could walk the streets +without danger of their lives, and even at this hour, robberies and +murder were of no uncommon occurrence. The shops upon the bridge +were all closed; the low wooden arches thrown across the way were +like so many black pits, in every one of which ill-favoured fellows +lurked in knots of three or four; some standing upright against the +wall, lying in wait; others skulking in gateways, and thrusting out +their uncombed heads and scowling eyes: others crossing and +recrossing, and constantly jostling both horse and man to provoke a +quarrel; others stealing away and summoning their companions in a +low whistle. Once, even in that short passage, there was the noise +of scuffling and the clash of swords behind him, but Will, who knew +the City and its ways, kept straight on and scarcely turned his +head. + +The streets being unpaved, the rain of the night before had +converted them into a perfect quagmire, which the splashing water- +spouts from the gables, and the filth and offal cast from the +different houses, swelled in no small degree. These odious matters +being left to putrefy in the close and heavy air, emitted an +insupportable stench, to which every court and passage poured forth +a contribution of its own. Many parts, even of the main streets, +with their projecting stories tottering overhead and nearly +shutting out the sky, were more like huge chimneys than open ways. +At the corners of some of these, great bonfires were burning to +prevent infection from the plague, of which it was rumoured that +some citizens had lately died; and few, who availing themselves of +the light thus afforded paused for a moment to look around them, +would have been disposed to doubt the existence of the disease, or +wonder at its dreadful visitations. + +But it was not in such scenes as these, or even in the deep and +miry road, that Will Marks found the chief obstacles to his +progress. There were kites and ravens feeding in the streets (the +only scavengers the City kept), who, scenting what he carried, +followed the cart or fluttered on its top, and croaked their +knowledge of its burden and their ravenous appetite for prey. +There were distant fires, where the poor wood and plaster tenements +wasted fiercely, and whither crowds made their way, clamouring +eagerly for plunder, beating down all who came within their reach, +and yelling like devils let loose. There were single-handed men +flying from bands of ruffians, who pursued them with naked weapons, +and hunted them savagely; there were drunken, desperate robbers +issuing from their dens and staggering through the open streets +where no man dared molest them; there were vagabond servitors +returning from the Bear Garden, where had been good sport that day, +dragging after them their torn and bleeding dogs, or leaving them +to die and rot upon the road. Nothing was abroad but cruelty, +violence, and disorder. + +Many were the interruptions which Will Marks encountered from these +stragglers, and many the narrow escapes he made. Now some stout +bully would take his seat upon the cart, insisting to be driven to +his own home, and now two or three men would come down upon him +together, and demand that on peril of his life he showed them what +he had inside. Then a party of the city watch, upon their rounds, +would draw across the road, and not satisfied with his tale, +question him closely, and revenge themselves by a little cuffing +and hustling for maltreatment sustained at other hands that night. +All these assailants had to be rebutted, some by fair words, some +by foul, and some by blows. But Will Marks was not the man to be +stopped or turned back now he had penetrated so far, and though he +got on slowly, still he made his way down Fleet-street and reached +the church at last. + +As he had been forewarned, all was in readiness. Directly he +stopped, the coffin was removed by four men, who appeared so +suddenly that they seemed to have started from the earth. A fifth +mounted the cart, and scarcely allowing Will time to snatch from it +a little bundle containing such of his own clothes as he had thrown +off on assuming his disguise, drove briskly away. Will never saw +cart or man again. + +He followed the body into the church, and it was well he lost no +time in doing so, for the door was immediately closed. There was +no light in the building save that which came from a couple of +torches borne by two men in cloaks, who stood upon the brink of a +vault. Each supported a female figure, and all observed a profound +silence. + +By this dim and solemn glare, which made Will feel as though light +itself were dead, and its tomb the dreary arches that frowned +above, they placed the coffin in the vault, with uncovered heads, +and closed it up. One of the torch-bearers then turned to Will, +and stretched forth his hand, in which was a purse of gold. +Something told him directly that those were the same eyes which he +had seen beneath the mask. + +'Take it,' said the cavalier in a low voice, 'and be happy. Though +these have been hasty obsequies, and no priest has blessed the +work, there will not be the less peace with thee thereafter, for +having laid his bones beside those of his little children. Keep +thy own counsel, for thy sake no less than ours, and God be with +thee!' + +'The blessing of a widowed mother on thy head, good friend!' cried +the younger lady through her tears; 'the blessing of one who has +now no hope or rest but in this grave!' + +Will stood with the purse in his hand, and involuntarily made a +gesture as though he would return it, for though a thoughtless +fellow, he was of a frank and generous nature. But the two +gentlemen, extinguishing their torches, cautioned him to be gone, +as their common safety would be endangered by a longer delay; and +at the same time their retreating footsteps sounded through the +church. He turned, therefore, towards the point at which he had +entered, and seeing by a faint gleam in the distance that the door +was again partially open, groped his way towards it and so passed +into the street. + +Meantime the local authorities of Kingston had kept watch and ward +all the previous night, fancying every now and then that dismal +shrieks were borne towards them on the wind, and frequently winking +to each other, and drawing closer to the fire as they drank the +health of the lonely sentinel, upon whom a clerical gentleman +present was especially severe by reason of his levity and youthful +folly. Two or three of the gravest in company, who were of a +theological turn, propounded to him the question, whether such a +character was not but poorly armed for single combat with the +Devil, and whether he himself would not have been a stronger +opponent; but the clerical gentleman, sharply reproving them for +their presumption in discussing such questions, clearly showed that +a fitter champion than Will could scarcely have been selected, not +only for that being a child of Satan, he was the less likely to be +alarmed by the appearance of his own father, but because Satan +himself would be at his ease in such company, and would not scruple +to kick up his heels to an extent which it was quite certain he +would never venture before clerical eyes, under whose influence (as +was notorious) he became quite a tame and milk-and-water character. + +But when next morning arrived, and with it no Will Marks, and when +a strong party repairing to the spot, as a strong party ventured to +do in broad day, found Will gone and the gibbet empty, matters grew +serious indeed. The day passing away and no news arriving, and the +night going on also without any intelligence, the thing grew more +tremendous still; in short, the neighbourhood worked itself up to +such a comfortable pitch of mystery and horror, that it is a great +question whether the general feeling was not one of excessive +disappointment, when, on the second morning, Will Marks returned. + +However this may be, back Will came in a very cool and collected +state, and appearing not to trouble himself much about anybody +except old John Podgers, who, having been sent for, was sitting in +the Town Hall crying slowly, and dozing between whiles. Having +embraced his uncle and assured him of his safety, Will mounted on a +table and told his story to the crowd. + +And surely they would have been the most unreasonable crowd that +ever assembled together, if they had been in the least respect +disappointed with the tale he told them; for besides describing the +Witches' Dance to the minutest motion of their legs, and performing +it in character on the table, with the assistance of a broomstick, +he related how they had carried off the body in a copper caldron, +and so bewitched him, that he lost his senses until he found +himself lying under a hedge at least ten miles off, whence he had +straightway returned as they then beheld. The story gained such +universal applause that it soon afterwards brought down express +from London the great witch-finder of the age, the Heaven-born +Hopkins, who having examined Will closely on several points, +pronounced it the most extraordinary and the best accredited witch- +story ever known, under which title it was published at the Three +Bibles on London Bridge, in small quarto, with a view of the +caldron from an original drawing, and a portrait of the clerical +gentleman as he sat by the fire. + +On one point Will was particularly careful: and that was to +describe for the witches he had seen, three impossible old females, +whose likenesses never were or will be. Thus he saved the lives of +the suspected parties, and of all other old women who were dragged +before him to be identified. + +This circumstance occasioned John Podgers much grief and sorrow, +until happening one day to cast his eyes upon his house-keeper, and +observing her to be plainly afflicted with rheumatism, he procured +her to be burnt as an undoubted witch. For this service to the +state he was immediately knighted, and became from that time Sir +John Podgers. + +Will Marks never gained any clue to the mystery in which he had +been an actor, nor did any inscription in the church, which he +often visited afterwards, nor any of the limited inquiries that he +dared to make, yield him the least assistance. As he kept his own +secret, he was compelled to spend the gold discreetly and +sparingly. In the course of time he married the young lady of whom +I have already told you, whose maiden name is not recorded, with +whom he led a prosperous and happy life. Years and years after +this adventure, it was his wont to tell her upon a stormy night +that it was a great comfort to him to think those bones, to +whomsoever they might have once belonged, were not bleaching in the +troubled air, but were mouldering away with the dust of their own +kith and kindred in a quiet grave. + + + +FURTHER PARTICULARS OF MASTER HUMPHREY'S VISITOR + + + +Being very full of Mr. Pickwick's application, and highly pleased +with the compliment he had paid me, it will be readily supposed +that long before our next night of meeting I communicated it to my +three friends, who unanimously voted his admission into our body. +We all looked forward with some impatience to the occasion which +would enroll him among us, but I am greatly mistaken if Jack +Redburn and myself were not by many degrees the most impatient of +the party. + +At length the night came, and a few minutes after ten Mr. +Pickwick's knock was heard at the street-door. He was shown into a +lower room, and I directly took my crooked stick and went to +accompany him up-stairs, in order that he might be presented with +all honour and formality. + +'Mr. Pickwick,' said I, on entering the room, 'I am rejoiced to see +you, - rejoiced to believe that this is but the opening of a long +series of visits to this house, and but the beginning of a close +and lasting friendship.' + +That gentleman made a suitable reply with a cordiality and +frankness peculiarly his own, and glanced with a smile towards two +persons behind the door, whom I had not at first observed, and whom +I immediately recognised as Mr. Samuel Weller and his father. + +It was a warm evening, but the elder Mr. Weller was attired, +notwithstanding, in a most capacious greatcoat, and his chin +enveloped in a large speckled shawl, such as is usually worn by +stage coachmen on active service. He looked very rosy and very +stout, especially about the legs, which appeared to have been +compressed into his top-boots with some difficulty. His broad- +brimmed hat he held under his left arm, and with the forefinger of +his right hand he touched his forehead a great many times in +acknowledgment of my presence. + +'I am very glad to see you in such good health, Mr. Weller,' said +I. + +'Why, thankee, sir,' returned Mr. Weller, 'the axle an't broke yet. +We keeps up a steady pace, - not too sewere, but vith a moderate +degree o' friction, - and the consekens is that ve're still a +runnin' and comes in to the time reg'lar. - My son Samivel, sir, as +you may have read on in history,' added Mr. Weller, introducing his +first-born. + +I received Sam very graciously, but before he could say a word his +father struck in again. + +'Samivel Veller, sir,' said the old gentleman, 'has conferred upon +me the ancient title o' grandfather vich had long laid dormouse, +and wos s'posed to be nearly hex-tinct in our family. Sammy, +relate a anecdote o' vun o' them boys, - that 'ere little anecdote +about young Tony sayin' as he WOULD smoke a pipe unbeknown to his +mother.' + +'Be quiet, can't you?' said Sam; 'I never see such a old magpie - +never!' + +'That 'ere Tony is the blessedest boy,' said Mr. Weller, heedless +of this rebuff, 'the blessedest boy as ever I see in MY days! of +all the charmin'est infants as ever I heerd tell on, includin' them +as was kivered over by the robin-redbreasts arter they'd committed +sooicide with blackberries, there never wos any like that 'ere +little Tony. He's alvays a playin' vith a quart pot, that boy is! +To see him a settin' down on the doorstep pretending to drink out +of it, and fetching a long breath artervards, and smoking a bit of +firevood, and sayin', "Now I'm grandfather," - to see him a doin' +that at two year old is better than any play as wos ever wrote. +"Now I'm grandfather!" He wouldn't take a pint pot if you wos to +make him a present on it, but he gets his quart, and then he says, +"Now I'm grandfather!"' + +Mr. Weller was so overpowered by this picture that he straightway +fell into a most alarming fit of coughing, which must certainly +have been attended with some fatal result but for the dexterity and +promptitude of Sam, who, taking a firm grasp of the shawl just +under his father's chin, shook him to and fro with great violence, +at the same time administering some smart blows between his +shoulders. By this curious mode of treatment Mr. Weller was +finally recovered, but with a very crimson face, and in a state of +great exhaustion. + +'He'll do now, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, who had been in some alarm +himself. + +'He'll do, sir!' cried Sam, looking reproachfully at his parent. +'Yes, he WILL do one o' these days, - he'll do for his-self and +then he'll wish he hadn't. Did anybody ever see sich a +inconsiderate old file, - laughing into conwulsions afore company, +and stamping on the floor as if he'd brought his own carpet vith +him and wos under a wager to punch the pattern out in a given time? +He'll begin again in a minute. There - he's a goin' off - I said +he would!' + +In fact, Mr. Weller, whose mind was still running upon his +precocious grandson, was seen to shake his head from side to side, +while a laugh, working like an earthquake, below the surface, +produced various extraordinary appearances in his face, chest, and +shoulders, - the more alarming because unaccompanied by any noise +whatever. These emotions, however, gradually subsided, and after +three or four short relapses he wiped his eyes with the cuff of his +coat, and looked about him with tolerable composure. + +'Afore the governor vith-draws,' said Mr. Weller, 'there is a pint, +respecting vich Sammy has a qvestion to ask. Vile that qvestion is +a perwadin' this here conwersation, p'raps the genl'men vill permit +me to re-tire.' + +'Wot are you goin' away for?' demanded Sam, seizing his father by +the coat-tail. + +'I never see such a undootiful boy as you, Samivel,' returned Mr. +Weller. 'Didn't you make a solemn promise, amountin' almost to a +speeches o' wow, that you'd put that 'ere qvestion on my account?' + +'Well, I'm agreeable to do it,' said Sam, 'but not if you go +cuttin' away like that, as the bull turned round and mildly +observed to the drover ven they wos a goadin' him into the +butcher's door. The fact is, sir,' said Sam, addressing me, 'that +he wants to know somethin' respectin' that 'ere lady as is +housekeeper here.' + +'Ay. What is that?' + +'Vy, sir,' said Sam, grinning still more, 'he wishes to know vether +she - ' + +'In short,' interposed old Mr. Weller decisively, a perspiration +breaking out upon his forehead, 'vether that 'ere old creetur is or +is not a widder.' + +Mr. Pickwick laughed heartily, and so did I, as I replied +decisively, that 'my housekeeper was a spinster.' + +'There!' cried Sam, 'now you're satisfied. You hear she's a +spinster.' + +'A wot?' said his father, with deep scorn. + +'A spinster,' replied Sam. + +Mr. Weller looked very hard at his son for a minute or two, and +then said, + +'Never mind vether she makes jokes or not, that's no matter. Wot I +say is, is that 'ere female a widder, or is she not?' + +'Wot do you mean by her making jokes?' demanded Sam, quite aghast +at the obscurity of his parent's speech. + +'Never you mind, Samivel,' returned Mr. Weller gravely; 'puns may +be wery good things or they may be wery bad 'uns, and a female may +be none the better or she may be none the vurse for making of 'em; +that's got nothing to do vith widders.' + +'Wy now,' said Sam, looking round, 'would anybody believe as a man +at his time o' life could be running his head agin spinsters and +punsters being the same thing?' + +'There an't a straw's difference between 'em,' said Mr. Weller. +'Your father didn't drive a coach for so many years, not to be ekal +to his own langvidge as far as THAT goes, Sammy.' + +Avoiding the question of etymology, upon which the old gentleman's +mind was quite made up, he was several times assured that the +housekeeper had never been married. He expressed great +satisfaction on hearing this, and apologised for the question, +remarking that he had been greatly terrified by a widow not long +before, and that his natural timidity was increased in consequence. + +'It wos on the rail,' said Mr. Weller, with strong emphasis; 'I wos +a goin' down to Birmingham by the rail, and I wos locked up in a +close carriage vith a living widder. Alone we wos; the widder and +me wos alone; and I believe it wos only because we WOS alone and +there wos no clergyman in the conwayance, that that 'ere widder +didn't marry me afore ve reached the half-way station. Ven I think +how she began a screaming as we wos a goin' under them tunnels in +the dark, - how she kept on a faintin' and ketchin' hold o' me, - +and how I tried to bust open the door as was tight-locked and +perwented all escape - Ah! It was a awful thing, most awful!' + +Mr. Weller was so very much overcome by this retrospect that he was +unable, until he had wiped his brow several times, to return any +reply to the question whether he approved of railway communication, +notwithstanding that it would appear from the answer which he +ultimately gave, that he entertained strong opinions on the +subject. + +'I con-sider,' said Mr. Weller, 'that the rail is unconstitootional +and an inwaser o' priwileges, and I should wery much like to know +what that 'ere old Carter as once stood up for our liberties and +wun 'em too, - I should like to know wot he vould say, if he wos +alive now, to Englishmen being locked up vith widders, or with +anybody again their wills. Wot a old Carter would have said, a old +Coachman may say, and I as-sert that in that pint o' view alone, +the rail is an inwaser. As to the comfort, vere's the comfort o' +sittin' in a harm-cheer lookin' at brick walls or heaps o' mud, +never comin' to a public-house, never seein' a glass o' ale, never +goin' through a pike, never meetin' a change o' no kind (horses or +othervise), but alvays comin' to a place, ven you come to one at +all, the wery picter o' the last, vith the same p'leesemen standing +about, the same blessed old bell a ringin', the same unfort'nate +people standing behind the bars, a waitin' to be let in; and +everythin' the same except the name, vich is wrote up in the same +sized letters as the last name, and vith the same colours. As to +the Honour and dignity o' travellin', vere can that be vithout a +coachman; and wot's the rail to sich coachmen and guards as is +sometimes forced to go by it, but a outrage and a insult? As to +the pace, wot sort o' pace do you think I, Tony Veller, could have +kept a coach goin' at, for five hundred thousand pound a mile, paid +in adwance afore the coach was on the road? And as to the ingein, +- a nasty, wheezin', creakin', gaspin', puffin', bustin' monster, +alvays out o' breath, vith a shiny green-and-gold back, like a +unpleasant beetle in that 'ere gas magnifier, - as to the ingein as +is alvays a pourin' out red-hot coals at night, and black smoke in +the day, the sensiblest thing it does, in my opinion, is, ven +there's somethin' in the vay, and it sets up that 'ere frightful +scream vich seems to say, "Now here's two hundred and forty +passengers in the wery greatest extremity o' danger, and here's +their two hundred and forty screams in vun!"' + +By this time I began to fear that my friends would be rendered +impatient by my protracted absence. I therefore begged Mr. +Pickwick to accompany me up-stairs, and left the two Mr. Wellers in +the care of the housekeeper, laying strict injunctions upon her to +treat them with all possible hospitality. + + + +CHAPTER IV - THE CLOCK + + + +As we were going up-stairs, Mr. Pickwick put on his spectacles, +which he had held in his hand hitherto; arranged his neckerchief, +smoothed down his waistcoat, and made many other little +preparations of that kind which men are accustomed to be mindful +of, when they are going among strangers for the first time, and are +anxious to impress them pleasantly. Seeing that I smiled, he +smiled too, and said that if it had occurred to him before he left +home, he would certainly have presented himself in pumps and silk +stockings. + +'I would, indeed, my dear sir,' he said very seriously; 'I would +have shown my respect for the society, by laying aside my gaiters.' + +'You may rest assured,' said I, 'that they would have regretted +your doing so very much, for they are quite attached to them.' + +'No, really!' cried Mr. Pickwick, with manifest pleasure. 'Do you +think they care about my gaiters? Do you seriously think that they +identify me at all with my gaiters?' + +'I am sure they do,' I replied. + +'Well, now,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that is one of the most charming +and agreeable circumstances that could possibly have occurred to +me!' + +I should not have written down this short conversation, but that it +developed a slight point in Mr. Pickwick's character, with which I +was not previously acquainted. He has a secret pride in his legs. +The manner in which he spoke, and the accompanying glance he +bestowed upon his tights, convince me that Mr. Pickwick regards his +legs with much innocent vanity. + +'But here are our friends,' said I, opening the door and taking his +arm in mine; 'let them speak for themselves. - Gentlemen, I present +to you Mr. Pickwick.' + +Mr. Pickwick and I must have been a good contrast just then. I, +leaning quietly on my crutch-stick, with something of a care-worn, +patient air; he, having hold of my arm, and bowing in every +direction with the most elastic politeness, and an expression of +face whose sprightly cheerfulness and good-humour knew no bounds. +The difference between us must have been more striking yet, as we +advanced towards the table, and the amiable gentleman, adapting his +jocund step to my poor tread, had his attention divided between +treating my infirmities with the utmost consideration, and +affecting to be wholly unconscious that I required any. + +I made him personally known to each of my friends in turn. First, +to the deaf gentleman, whom he regarded with much interest, and +accosted with great frankness and cordiality. He had evidently +some vague idea, at the moment, that my friend being deaf must be +dumb also; for when the latter opened his lips to express the +pleasure it afforded him to know a gentleman of whom he had heard +so much, Mr. Pickwick was so extremely disconcerted, that I was +obliged to step in to his relief. + +His meeting with Jack Redburn was quite a treat to see. Mr. +Pickwick smiled, and shook hands, and looked at him through his +spectacles, and under them, and over them, and nodded his head +approvingly, and then nodded to me, as much as to say, 'This is +just the man; you were quite right;' and then turned to Jack and +said a few hearty words, and then did and said everything over +again with unimpaired vivacity. As to Jack himself, he was quite +as much delighted with Mr. Pickwick as Mr. Pickwick could possibly +be with him. Two people never can have met together since the +world began, who exchanged a warmer or more enthusiastic greeting. + +It was amusing to observe the difference between this encounter and +that which succeeded, between Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Miles. It was +clear that the latter gentleman viewed our new member as a kind of +rival in the affections of Jack Redburn, and besides this, he had +more than once hinted to me, in secret, that although he had no +doubt Mr. Pickwick was a very worthy man, still he did consider +that some of his exploits were unbecoming a gentleman of his years +and gravity. Over and above these grounds of distrust, it is one +of his fixed opinions, that the law never can by possibility do +anything wrong; he therefore looks upon Mr. Pickwick as one who has +justly suffered in purse and peace for a breach of his plighted +faith to an unprotected female, and holds that he is called upon to +regard him with some suspicion on that account. These causes led +to a rather cold and formal reception; which Mr. Pickwick +acknowledged with the same stateliness and intense politeness as +was displayed on the other side. Indeed, he assumed an air of such +majestic defiance, that I was fearful he might break out into some +solemn protest or declaration, and therefore inducted him into his +chair without a moment's delay. + +This piece of generalship was perfectly successful. The instant he +took his seat, Mr. Pickwick surveyed us all with a most benevolent +aspect, and was taken with a fit of smiling full five minutes long. +His interest in our ceremonies was immense. They are not very +numerous or complicated, and a description of them may be comprised +in very few words. As our transactions have already been, and must +necessarily continue to be, more or less anticipated by being +presented in these pages at different times, and under various +forms, they do not require a detailed account. + +Our first proceeding when we are assembled is to shake hands all +round, and greet each other with cheerful and pleasant looks. +Remembering that we assemble not only for the promotion of our +happiness, but with the view of adding something to the common +stock, an air of languor or indifference in any member of our body +would be regarded by the others as a kind of treason. We have +never had an offender in this respect; but if we had, there is no +doubt that he would be taken to task pretty severely. + +Our salutation over, the venerable piece of antiquity from which we +take our name is wound up in silence. The ceremony is always +performed by Master Humphrey himself (in treating of the club, I +may be permitted to assume the historical style, and speak of +myself in the third person), who mounts upon a chair for the +purpose, armed with a large key. While it is in progress, Jack +Redburn is required to keep at the farther end of the room under +the guardianship of Mr. Miles, for he is known to entertain certain +aspiring and unhallowed thoughts connected with the clock, and has +even gone so far as to state that if he might take the works out +for a day or two, he thinks he could improve them. We pardon him +his presumption in consideration of his good intentions, and his +keeping this respectful distance, which last penalty is insisted +on, lest by secretly wounding the object of our regard in some +tender part, in the ardour of his zeal for its improvement, he +should fill us with dismay and consternation. + +This regulation afforded Mr. Pickwick the highest delight, and +seemed, if possible, to exalt Jack in his good opinion. + +The next ceremony is the opening of the clock-case (of which Master +Humphrey has likewise the key), the taking from it as many papers +as will furnish forth our evening's entertainment, and arranging in +the recess such new contributions as have been provided since our +last meeting. This is always done with peculiar solemnity. The +deaf gentleman then fills and lights his pipe, and we once more +take our seats round the table before mentioned, Master Humphrey +acting as president, - if we can be said to have any president, +where all are on the same social footing, - and our friend Jack as +secretary. Our preliminaries being now concluded, we fall into any +train of conversation that happens to suggest itself, or proceed +immediately to one of our readings. In the latter case, the paper +selected is consigned to Master Humphrey, who flattens it carefully +on the table and makes dog's ears in the corner of every page, +ready for turning over easily; Jack Redburn trims the lamp with a +small machine of his own invention which usually puts it out; Mr. +Miles looks on with great approval notwithstanding; the deaf +gentleman draws in his chair, so that he can follow the words on +the paper or on Master Humphrey's lips as he pleases; and Master +Humphrey himself, looking round with mighty gratification, and +glancing up at his old clock, begins to read aloud. + +Mr. Pickwick's face, while his tale was being read, would have +attracted the attention of the dullest man alive. The complacent +motion of his head and forefinger as he gently beat time, and +corrected the air with imaginary punctuation, the smile that +mantled on his features at every jocose passage, and the sly look +he stole around to observe its effect, the calm manner in which he +shut his eyes and listened when there was some little piece of +description, the changing expression with which he acted the +dialogue to himself, his agony that the deaf gentleman should know +what it was all about, and his extraordinary anxiety to correct the +reader when he hesitated at a word in the manuscript, or +substituted a wrong one, were alike worthy of remark. And when at +last, endeavouring to communicate with the deaf gentleman by means +of the finger alphabet, with which he constructed such words as are +unknown in any civilised or savage language, he took up a slate and +wrote in large text, one word in a line, the question, 'How - do - +you - like - it?' - when he did this, and handing it over the table +awaited the reply, with a countenance only brightened and improved +by his great excitement, even Mr. Miles relaxed, and could not +forbear looking at him for the moment with interest and favour. + +'It has occurred to me,' said the deaf gentleman, who had watched +Mr. Pickwick and everybody else with silent satisfaction - 'it has +occurred to me,' said the deaf gentleman, taking his pipe from his +lips, 'that now is our time for filling our only empty chair.' + +As our conversation had naturally turned upon the vacant seat, we +lent a willing ear to this remark, and looked at our friend +inquiringly. + +'I feel sure,' said he, 'that Mr. Pickwick must be acquainted with +somebody who would be an acquisition to us; that he must know the +man we want. Pray let us not lose any time, but set this question +at rest. Is it so, Mr. Pickwick?' + +The gentleman addressed was about to return a verbal reply, but +remembering our friend's infirmity, he substituted for this kind of +answer some fifty nods. Then taking up the slate and printing on +it a gigantic 'Yes,' he handed it across the table, and rubbing his +hands as he looked round upon our faces, protested that he and the +deaf gentleman quite understood each other, already. + +'The person I have in my mind,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'and whom I +should not have presumed to mention to you until some time hence, +but for the opportunity you have given me, is a very strange old +man. His name is Bamber.' + +'Bamber!' said Jack. 'I have certainly heard the name before.' + +'I have no doubt, then,' returned Mr. Pickwick, 'that you remember +him in those adventures of mine (the Posthumous Papers of our old +club, I mean), although he is only incidentally mentioned; and, if +I remember right, appears but once.' + +'That's it,' said Jack. 'Let me see. He is the person who has a +grave interest in old mouldy chambers and the Inns of Court, and +who relates some anecdotes having reference to his favourite theme, +- and an odd ghost story, - is that the man?' + +'The very same. Now,' said Mr. Pickwick, lowering his voice to a +mysterious and confidential tone, 'he is a very extraordinary and +remarkable person; living, and talking, and looking, like some +strange spirit, whose delight is to haunt old buildings; and +absorbed in that one subject which you have just mentioned, to an +extent which is quite wonderful. When I retired into private life, +I sought him out, and I do assure you that the more I see of him, +the more strongly I am impressed with the strange and dreamy +character of his mind.' + +'Where does he live?' I inquired. + +'He lives,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'in one of those dull, lonely old +places with which his thoughts and stories are all connected; quite +alone, and often shut up close for several weeks together. In this +dusty solitude he broods upon the fancies he has so long indulged, +and when he goes into the world, or anybody from the world without +goes to see him, they are still present to his mind and still his +favourite topic. I may say, I believe, that he has brought himself +to entertain a regard for me, and an interest in my visits; +feelings which I am certain he would extend to Master Humphrey's +Clock if he were once tempted to join us. All I wish you to +understand is, that he is a strange, secluded visionary, in the +world but not of it; and as unlike anybody here as he is unlike +anybody elsewhere that I have ever met or known.' + +Mr. Miles received this account of our proposed companion with +rather a wry face, and after murmuring that perhaps he was a little +mad, inquired if he were rich. + +'I never asked him,' said Mr. Pickwick. + +'You might know, sir, for all that,' retorted Mr. Miles, sharply. + +'Perhaps so, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, no less sharply than the +other, 'but I do not. Indeed,' he added, relapsing into his usual +mildness, 'I have no means of judging. He lives poorly, but that +would seem to be in keeping with his character. I never heard him +allude to his circumstances, and never fell into the society of any +man who had the slightest acquaintance with them. I have really +told you all I know about him, and it rests with you to say whether +you wish to know more, or know quite enough already.' + +We were unanimously of opinion that we would seek to know more; and +as a sort of compromise with Mr. Miles (who, although he said 'Yes +- O certainly - he should like to know more about the gentleman - +he had no right to put himself in opposition to the general wish,' +and so forth, shook his head doubtfully and hemmed several times +with peculiar gravity), it was arranged that Mr. Pickwick should +carry me with him on an evening visit to the subject of our +discussion, for which purpose an early appointment between that +gentleman and myself was immediately agreed upon; it being +understood that I was to act upon my own responsibility, and to +invite him to join us or not, as I might think proper. This solemn +question determined, we returned to the clock-case (where we have +been forestalled by the reader), and between its contents, and the +conversation they occasioned, the remainder of our time passed very +quickly. + +When we broke up, Mr. Pickwick took me aside to tell me that he had +spent a most charming and delightful evening. Having made this +communication with an air of the strictest secrecy, he took Jack +Redburn into another corner to tell him the same, and then retired +into another corner with the deaf gentleman and the slate, to +repeat the assurance. It was amusing to observe the contest in his +mind whether he should extend his confidence to Mr. Miles, or treat +him with dignified reserve. Half a dozen times he stepped up +behind him with a friendly air, and as often stepped back again +without saying a word; at last, when he was close at that +gentleman's ear and upon the very point of whispering something +conciliating and agreeable, Mr. Miles happened suddenly to turn his +head, upon which Mr. Pickwick skipped away, and said with some +fierceness, 'Good night, sir - I was about to say good night, sir, +- nothing more;' and so made a bow and left him. + +'Now, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, when he had got down-stairs. + +'All right, sir,' replied Mr. Weller. 'Hold hard, sir. Right arm +fust - now the left - now one strong conwulsion, and the great- +coat's on, sir.' + +Mr. Pickwick acted upon these directions, and being further +assisted by Sam, who pulled at one side of the collar, and Mr. +Weller, who pulled hard at the other, was speedily enrobed. Mr. +Weller, senior, then produced a full-sized stable lantern, which he +had carefully deposited in a remote corner, on his arrival, and +inquired whether Mr. Pickwick would have 'the lamps alight.' + +'I think not to-night,' said Mr. Pickwick. + +'Then if this here lady vill per-mit,' rejoined Mr. Weller, 'we'll +leave it here, ready for next journey. This here lantern, mum,' +said Mr. Weller, handing it to the housekeeper, 'vunce belonged to +the celebrated Bill Blinder as is now at grass, as all on us vill +be in our turns. Bill, mum, wos the hostler as had charge o' them +two vell-known piebald leaders that run in the Bristol fast coach, +and vould never go to no other tune but a sutherly vind and a +cloudy sky, which wos consekvently played incessant, by the guard, +wenever they wos on duty. He wos took wery bad one arternoon, +arter having been off his feed, and wery shaky on his legs for some +veeks; and he says to his mate, "Matey," he says, "I think I'm a- +goin' the wrong side o' the post, and that my foot's wery near the +bucket. Don't say I an't," he says, "for I know I am, and don't +let me be interrupted," he says, "for I've saved a little money, +and I'm a-goin' into the stable to make my last vill and +testymint." "I'll take care as nobody interrupts," says his mate, +"but you on'y hold up your head, and shake your ears a bit, and +you're good for twenty years to come." Bill Blinder makes him no +answer, but he goes avay into the stable, and there he soon +artervards lays himself down a'tween the two piebalds, and dies, - +previously a writin' outside the corn-chest, "This is the last vill +and testymint of Villiam Blinder." They wos nat'rally wery much +amazed at this, and arter looking among the litter, and up in the +loft, and vere not, they opens the corn-chest, and finds that he'd +been and chalked his vill inside the lid; so the lid was obligated +to be took off the hinges, and sent up to Doctor Commons to be +proved, and under that 'ere wery instrument this here lantern was +passed to Tony Veller; vich circumstarnce, mum, gives it a wally in +my eyes, and makes me rekvest, if you vill be so kind, as to take +partickler care on it.' + +The housekeeper graciously promised to keep the object of Mr. +Weller's regard in the safest possible custody, and Mr. Pickwick, +with a laughing face, took his leave. The bodyguard followed, side +by side; old Mr. Weller buttoned and wrapped up from his boots to +his chin; and Sam with his hands in his pockets and his hat half +off his head, remonstrating with his father, as he went, on his +extreme loquacity. + +I was not a little surprised, on turning to go up-stairs, to +encounter the barber in the passage at that late hour; for his +attendance is usually confined to some half-hour in the morning. +But Jack Redburn, who finds out (by instinct, I think) everything +that happens in the house, informed me with great glee, that a +society in imitation of our own had been that night formed in the +kitchen, under the title of 'Mr. Weller's Watch,' of which the +barber was a member; and that he could pledge himself to find means +of making me acquainted with the whole of its future proceedings, +which I begged him, both on my own account and that of my readers, +by no means to neglect doing. + + + +CHAPTER V - MR. WELLER'S WATCH + + + +IT SEEMS that the housekeeper and the two Mr. Wellers were no +sooner left together on the occasion of their first becoming +acquainted, than the housekeeper called to her assistance Mr. +Slithers the barber, who had been lurking in the kitchen in +expectation of her summons; and with many smiles and much sweetness +introduced him as one who would assist her in the responsible +office of entertaining her distinguished visitors. + +'Indeed,' said she, 'without Mr. Slithers I should have been placed +in quite an awkward situation.' + +'There is no call for any hock'erdness, mum,' said Mr. Weller with +the utmost politeness; 'no call wotsumever. A lady,' added the old +gentleman, looking about him with the air of one who establishes an +incontrovertible position, - 'a lady can't be hock'erd. Natur' has +otherwise purwided.' + +The housekeeper inclined her head and smiled yet more sweetly. The +barber, who had been fluttering about Mr. Weller and Sam in a state +of great anxiety to improve their acquaintance, rubbed his hands +and cried, 'Hear, hear! Very true, sir;' whereupon Sam turned +about and steadily regarded him for some seconds in silence. + +'I never knew,' said Sam, fixing his eyes in a ruminative manner +upon the blushing barber, - 'I never knew but vun o' your trade, +but HE wos worth a dozen, and wos indeed dewoted to his callin'!' + +'Was he in the easy shaving way, sir,' inquired Mr. Slithers; 'or +in the cutting and curling line?' + +'Both,' replied Sam; 'easy shavin' was his natur', and cuttin' and +curlin' was his pride and glory. His whole delight wos in his +trade. He spent all his money in bears, and run in debt for 'em +besides, and there they wos a growling avay down in the front +cellar all day long, and ineffectooally gnashing their teeth, vile +the grease o' their relations and friends wos being re-tailed in +gallipots in the shop above, and the first-floor winder wos +ornamented vith their heads; not to speak o' the dreadful +aggrawation it must have been to 'em to see a man alvays a walkin' +up and down the pavement outside, vith the portrait of a bear in +his last agonies, and underneath in large letters, "Another fine +animal wos slaughtered yesterday at Jinkinson's!" Hows'ever, there +they wos, and there Jinkinson wos, till he wos took wery ill with +some inn'ard disorder, lost the use of his legs, and wos confined +to his bed, vere he laid a wery long time, but sich wos his pride +in his profession, even then, that wenever he wos worse than usual +the doctor used to go down-stairs and say, "Jinkinson's wery low +this mornin'; we must give the bears a stir;" and as sure as ever +they stirred 'em up a bit and made 'em roar, Jinkinson opens his +eyes if he wos ever so bad, calls out, "There's the bears!" and +rewives agin.' + +'Astonishing!' cried the barber. + +'Not a bit,' said Sam, 'human natur' neat as imported. Vun day the +doctor happenin' to say, "I shall look in as usual to-morrow +mornin'," Jinkinson catches hold of his hand and says, "Doctor," he +says, "will you grant me one favour?" "I will, Jinkinson," says +the doctor. "Then, doctor," says Jinkinson, "vill you come +unshaved, and let me shave you?" "I will," says the doctor. "God +bless you," says Jinkinson. Next day the doctor came, and arter +he'd been shaved all skilful and reg'lar, he says, "Jinkinson," he +says, "it's wery plain this does you good. Now," he says, "I've +got a coachman as has got a beard that it 'ud warm your heart to +work on, and though the footman," he says, "hasn't got much of a +beard, still he's a trying it on vith a pair o' viskers to that +extent that razors is Christian charity. If they take it in turns +to mind the carriage when it's a waitin' below," he says, "wot's to +hinder you from operatin' on both of 'em ev'ry day as well as upon +me? you've got six children," he says, "wot's to hinder you from +shavin' all their heads and keepin' 'em shaved? you've got two +assistants in the shop down-stairs, wot's to hinder you from +cuttin' and curlin' them as often as you like? Do this," he says, +"and you're a man agin." Jinkinson squeedged the doctor's hand and +begun that wery day; he kept his tools upon the bed, and wenever he +felt his-self gettin' worse, he turned to at vun o' the children +who wos a runnin' about the house vith heads like clean Dutch +cheeses, and shaved him agin. Vun day the lawyer come to make his +vill; all the time he wos a takin' it down, Jinkinson was secretly +a clippin' avay at his hair vith a large pair of scissors. "Wot's +that 'ere snippin' noise?" says the lawyer every now and then; +"it's like a man havin' his hair cut." "It IS wery like a man +havin' his hair cut," says poor Jinkinson, hidin' the scissors, and +lookin' quite innocent. By the time the lawyer found it out, he +was wery nearly bald. Jinkinson wos kept alive in this vay for a +long time, but at last vun day he has in all the children vun arter +another, shaves each on 'em wery clean, and gives him vun kiss on +the crown o' his head; then he has in the two assistants, and arter +cuttin' and curlin' of 'em in the first style of elegance, says he +should like to hear the woice o' the greasiest bear, vich rekvest +is immediately complied with; then he says that he feels wery happy +in his mind and vishes to be left alone; and then he dies, +previously cuttin' his own hair and makin' one flat curl in the +wery middle of his forehead.' + +This anecdote produced an extraordinary effect, not only upon Mr. +Slithers, but upon the housekeeper also, who evinced so much +anxiety to please and be pleased, that Mr. Weller, with a manner +betokening some alarm, conveyed a whispered inquiry to his son +whether he had gone 'too fur.' + +'Wot do you mean by too fur?' demanded Sam. + +'In that 'ere little compliment respectin' the want of hock'erdness +in ladies, Sammy,' replied his father. + +'You don't think she's fallen in love with you in consekens o' +that, do you?' said Sam. + +'More unlikelier things have come to pass, my boy,' replied Mr. +Weller in a hoarse whisper; 'I'm always afeerd of inadwertent +captiwation, Sammy. If I know'd how to make myself ugly or +unpleasant, I'd do it, Samivel, rayther than live in this here +state of perpetival terror!' + +Mr. Weller had, at that time, no further opportunity of dwelling +upon the apprehensions which beset his mind, for the immediate +occasion of his fears proceeded to lead the way down-stairs, +apologising as they went for conducting him into the kitchen, which +apartment, however, she was induced to proffer for his +accommodation in preference to her own little room, the rather as +it afforded greater facilities for smoking, and was immediately +adjoining the ale-cellar. The preparations which were already made +sufficiently proved that these were not mere words of course, for +on the deal table were a sturdy ale-jug and glasses, flanked with +clean pipes and a plentiful supply of tobacco for the old gentleman +and his son, while on a dresser hard by was goodly store of cold +meat and other eatables. At sight of these arrangements Mr. Weller +was at first distracted between his love of joviality and his +doubts whether they were not to be considered as so many evidences +of captivation having already taken place; but he soon yielded to +his natural impulse, and took his seat at the table with a very +jolly countenance. + +'As to imbibin' any o' this here flagrant veed, mum, in the +presence of a lady,' said Mr. Weller, taking up a pipe and laying +it down again, 'it couldn't be. Samivel, total abstinence, if YOU +please.' + +'But I like it of all things,' said the housekeeper. + +'No,' rejoined Mr. Weller, shaking his head, - 'no.' + +'Upon my word I do,' said the housekeeper. 'Mr. Slithers knows I +do.' + +Mr. Weller coughed, and notwithstanding the barber's confirmation +of the statement, said 'No' again, but more feebly than before. +The housekeeper lighted a piece of paper, and insisted on applying +it to the bowl of the pipe with her own fair hands; Mr. Weller +resisted; the housekeeper cried that her fingers would be burnt; +Mr. Weller gave way. The pipe was ignited, Mr. Weller drew a long +puff of smoke, and detecting himself in the very act of smiling on +the housekeeper, put a sudden constraint upon his countenance and +looked sternly at the candle, with a determination not to +captivate, himself, or encourage thoughts of captivation in others. +From this iron frame of mind he was roused by the voice of his son. + +'I don't think,' said Sam, who was smoking with great composure and +enjoyment, 'that if the lady wos agreeable it 'ud be wery far out +o' the vay for us four to make up a club of our own like the +governors does up-stairs, and let him,' Sam pointed with the stem +of his pipe towards his parent, 'be the president.' + +The housekeeper affably declared that it was the very thing she had +been thinking of. The barber said the same. Mr. Weller said +nothing, but he laid down his pipe as if in a fit of inspiration, +and performed the following manoeuvres. + +Unbuttoning the three lower buttons of his waistcoat and pausing +for a moment to enjoy the easy flow of breath consequent upon this +process, he laid violent hands upon his watch-chain, and slowly and +with extreme difficulty drew from his fob an immense double-cased +silver watch, which brought the lining of the pocket with it, and +was not to be disentangled but by great exertions and an amazing +redness of face. Having fairly got it out at last, he detached the +outer case and wound it up with a key of corresponding magnitude; +then put the case on again, and having applied the watch to his ear +to ascertain that it was still going, gave it some half-dozen hard +knocks on the table to improve its performance. + +'That,' said Mr. Weller, laying it on the table with its face +upwards, 'is the title and emblem o' this here society. Sammy, +reach them two stools this vay for the wacant cheers. Ladies and +gen'lmen, Mr. Weller's Watch is vound up and now a-goin'. Order!' + +By way of enforcing this proclamation, Mr. Weller, using the watch +after the manner of a president's hammer, and remarking with great +pride that nothing hurt it, and that falls and concussions of all +kinds materially enhanced the excellence of the works and assisted +the regulator, knocked the table a great many times, and declared +the association formally constituted. + +'And don't let's have no grinnin' at the cheer, Samivel,' said Mr. +Weller to his son, 'or I shall be committin' you to the cellar, and +then p'r'aps we may get into what the 'Merrikins call a fix, and +the English a qvestion o' privileges.' + +Having uttered this friendly caution, the President settled himself +in his chair with great dignity, and requested that Mr. Samuel +would relate an anecdote. + +'I've told one,' said Sam. + +'Wery good, sir; tell another,' returned the chair. + +'We wos a talking jist now, sir,' said Sam, turning to Slithers, +'about barbers. Pursuing that 'ere fruitful theme, sir, I'll tell +you in a wery few words a romantic little story about another +barber as p'r'aps you may never have heerd.' + +'Samivel!' said Mr. Weller, again bringing his watch and the table +into smart collision, 'address your obserwations to the cheer, sir, +and not to priwate indiwiduals!' + +'And if I might rise to order,' said the barber in a soft voice, +and looking round him with a conciliatory smile as he leant over +the table, with the knuckles of his left hand resting upon it, - +'if I MIGHT rise to order, I would suggest that "barbers" is not +exactly the kind of language which is agreeable and soothing to our +feelings. You, sir, will correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe +there IS such a word in the dictionary as hairdressers.' + +'Well, but suppose he wasn't a hairdresser,' suggested Sam. + +'Wy then, sir, be parliamentary and call him vun all the more,' +returned his father. 'In the same vay as ev'ry gen'lman in another +place is a Honourable, ev'ry barber in this place is a hairdresser. +Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman +says of another, "the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to +call him so," you vill understand, sir, that that means, "if he +vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal +fiction."' + +It is a common remark, confirmed by history and experience, that +great men rise with the circumstances in which they are placed. +Mr. Weller came out so strong in his capacity of chairman, that Sam +was for some time prevented from speaking by a grin of surprise, +which held his faculties enchained, and at last subsided in a long +whistle of a single note. Nay, the old gentleman appeared even to +have astonished himself, and that to no small extent, as was +demonstrated by the vast amount of chuckling in which he indulged, +after the utterance of these lucid remarks. + +'Here's the story,' said Sam. 'Vunce upon a time there wos a young +hairdresser as opened a wery smart little shop vith four wax +dummies in the winder, two gen'lmen and two ladies - the gen'lmen +vith blue dots for their beards, wery large viskers, oudacious +heads of hair, uncommon clear eyes, and nostrils of amazin' +pinkness; the ladies vith their heads o' one side, their right +forefingers on their lips, and their forms deweloped beautiful, in +vich last respect they had the adwantage over the gen'lmen, as +wasn't allowed but wery little shoulder, and terminated rayther +abrupt in fancy drapery. He had also a many hair-brushes and +tooth-brushes bottled up in the winder, neat glass-cases on the +counter, a floor-clothed cuttin'-room up-stairs, and a weighin'- +macheen in the shop, right opposite the door. But the great +attraction and ornament wos the dummies, which this here young +hairdresser wos constantly a runnin' out in the road to look at, +and constantly a runnin' in again to touch up and polish; in short, +he wos so proud on 'em, that ven Sunday come, he wos always +wretched and mis'rable to think they wos behind the shutters, and +looked anxiously for Monday on that account. Vun o' these dummies +wos a favrite vith him beyond the others; and ven any of his +acquaintance asked him wy he didn't get married - as the young +ladies he know'd, in partickler, often did - he used to say, +"Never! I never vill enter into the bonds of vedlock," he says, +"until I meet vith a young 'ooman as realises my idea o' that 'ere +fairest dummy vith the light hair. Then, and not till then," he +says, "I vill approach the altar." All the young ladies he know'd +as had got dark hair told him this wos wery sinful, and that he wos +wurshippin' a idle; but them as wos at all near the same shade as +the dummy coloured up wery much, and wos observed to think him a +wery nice young man.' + +'Samivel,' said Mr. Weller, gravely, 'a member o' this associashun +bein' one o' that 'ere tender sex which is now immedetly referred +to, I have to rekvest that you vill make no reflections.' + +'I ain't a makin' any, am I?' inquired Sam. + +'Order, sir!' rejoined Mr. Weller, with severe dignity. Then, +sinking the chairman in the father, he added, in his usual tone of +voice: 'Samivel, drive on!' + +Sam interchanged a smile with the housekeeper, and proceeded: + +'The young hairdresser hadn't been in the habit o' makin' this +avowal above six months, ven he en-countered a young lady as wos +the wery picter o' the fairest dummy. "Now," he says, "it's all +up. I am a slave!" The young lady wos not only the picter o' the +fairest dummy, but she was wery romantic, as the young hairdresser +was, too, and he says, "O!" he says, "here's a community o' +feelin', here's a flow o' soul!" he says, "here's a interchange o' +sentiment!" The young lady didn't say much, o' course, but she +expressed herself agreeable, and shortly artervards vent to see him +vith a mutual friend. The hairdresser rushes out to meet her, but +d'rectly she sees the dummies she changes colour and falls a +tremblin' wiolently. "Look up, my love," says the hairdresser, +"behold your imige in my winder, but not correcter than in my art!" +"My imige!" she says. "Yourn!" replies the hairdresser. "But +whose imige is THAT?" she says, a pinting at vun o' the gen'lmen. +"No vun's, my love," he says, "it is but a idea." "A idea! " she +cries: "it is a portrait, I feel it is a portrait, and that 'ere +noble face must be in the millingtary!" "Wot do I hear!" says he, +a crumplin' his curls. "Villiam Gibbs," she says, quite firm, +"never renoo the subject. I respect you as a friend," she says, +"but my affections is set upon that manly brow." "This," says the +hairdresser, "is a reg'lar blight, and in it I perceive the hand of +Fate. Farevell!" Vith these vords he rushes into the shop, breaks +the dummy's nose vith a blow of his curlin'-irons, melts him down +at the parlour fire, and never smiles artervards.' + +'The young lady, Mr. Weller?' said the housekeeper. + +'Why, ma'am,' said Sam, 'finding that Fate had a spite agin her, +and everybody she come into contact vith, she never smiled neither, +but read a deal o' poetry and pined avay, - by rayther slow +degrees, for she ain't dead yet. It took a deal o' poetry to kill +the hair-dresser, and some people say arter all that it was more +the gin and water as caused him to be run over; p'r'aps it was a +little o' both, and came o' mixing the two.' + +The barber declared that Mr. Weller had related one of the most +interesting stories that had ever come within his knowledge, in +which opinion the housekeeper entirely concurred. + +'Are you a married man, sir?' inquired Sam. + +The barber replied that he had not that honour. + +'I s'pose you mean to be?' said Sam. + +'Well,' replied the barber, rubbing his hands smirkingly, 'I don't +know, I don't think it's very likely.' + +'That's a bad sign,' said Sam; 'if you'd said you meant to be vun +o' these days, I should ha' looked upon you as bein' safe. You're +in a wery precarious state.' + +'I am not conscious of any danger, at all events,' returned the +barber. + +'No more wos I, sir,' said the elder Mr. Weller, interposing; +'those vere my symptoms, exactly. I've been took that vay twice. +Keep your vether eye open, my friend, or you're gone.' + +There was something so very solemn about this admonition, both in +its matter and manner, and also in the way in which Mr. Weller +still kept his eye fixed upon the unsuspecting victim, that nobody +cared to speak for some little time, and might not have cared to do +so for some time longer, if the housekeeper had not happened to +sigh, which called off the old gentleman's attention and gave rise +to a gallant inquiry whether 'there wos anythin' wery piercin' in +that 'ere little heart?' + +'Dear me, Mr. Weller!' said the housekeeper, laughing. + +'No, but is there anythin' as agitates it?' pursued the old +gentleman. 'Has it always been obderrate, always opposed to the +happiness o' human creeturs? Eh? Has it?' + +At this critical juncture for her blushes and confusion, the +housekeeper discovered that more ale was wanted, and hastily +withdrew into the cellar to draw the same, followed by the barber, +who insisted on carrying the candle. Having looked after her with +a very complacent expression of face, and after him with some +disdain, Mr. Weller caused his glance to travel slowly round the +kitchen, until at length it rested on his son. + +'Sammy,' said Mr. Weller, 'I mistrust that barber.' + +'Wot for?' returned Sam; 'wot's he got to do with you? You're a +nice man, you are, arter pretendin' all kinds o' terror, to go a +payin' compliments and talkin' about hearts and piercers.' + +The imputation of gallantry appeared to afford Mr. Weller the +utmost delight, for he replied in a voice choked by suppressed +laughter, and with the tears in his eyes, + +'Wos I a talkin' about hearts and piercers, - wos I though, Sammy, +eh?' + +'Wos you? of course you wos.' + +'She don't know no better, Sammy, there ain't no harm in it, - no +danger, Sammy; she's only a punster. She seemed pleased, though, +didn't she? O' course, she wos pleased, it's nat'ral she should +be, wery nat'ral.' + +'He's wain of it!' exclaimed Sam, joining in his father's mirth. +'He's actually wain!' + +'Hush!' replied Mr. Weller, composing his features, 'they're a +comin' back, - the little heart's a comin' back. But mark these +wurds o' mine once more, and remember 'em ven your father says he +said 'em. Samivel, I mistrust that 'ere deceitful barber.' + + + +CHAPTER VI - MASTER HUMPHREY, FROM HIS CLOCK-SIDE IN THE CHIMNEY +CORNER + + + +TWO or three evenings after the institution of Mr. Weller's Watch, +I thought I heard, as I walked in the garden, the voice of Mr. +Weller himself at no great distance; and stopping once or twice to +listen more attentively, I found that the sounds proceeded from my +housekeeper's little sitting-room, which is at the back of the +house. I took no further notice of the circumstance at that time, +but it formed the subject of a conversation between me and my +friend Jack Redburn next morning, when I found that I had not been +deceived in my impression. Jack furnished me with the following +particulars; and as he appeared to take extraordinary pleasure in +relating them, I have begged him in future to jot down any such +domestic scenes or occurrences that may please his humour, in order +that they may be told in his own way. I must confess that, as Mr. +Pickwick and he are constantly together, I have been influenced, in +making this request, by a secret desire to know something of their +proceedings. + +On the evening in question, the housekeeper's room was arranged +with particular care, and the housekeeper herself was very smartly +dressed. The preparations, however, were not confined to mere +showy demonstrations, as tea was prepared for three persons, with a +small display of preserves and jams and sweet cakes, which heralded +some uncommon occasion. Miss Benton (my housekeeper bears that +name) was in a state of great expectation, too, frequently going to +the front door and looking anxiously down the lane, and more than +once observing to the servant-girl that she expected company, and +hoped no accident had happened to delay them. + +A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss +Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in +order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by +surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, +awaited their coming with a smiling countenance. + +'Good ev'nin', mum,' said the older Mr. Weller, looking in at the +door after a prefatory tap. 'I'm afeerd we've come in rayther +arter the time, mum, but the young colt being full o' wice, has +been' a boltin' and shyin' and gettin' his leg over the traces to +sich a extent that if he an't wery soon broke in, he'll wex me into +a broken heart, and then he'll never be brought out no more except +to learn his letters from the writin' on his grandfather's +tombstone.' + +With these pathetic words, which were addressed to something +outside the door about two feet six from the ground, Mr. Weller +introduced a very small boy firmly set upon a couple of very sturdy +legs, who looked as if nothing could ever knock him down. Besides +having a very round face strongly resembling Mr. Weller's, and a +stout little body of exactly his build, this young gentleman, +standing with his little legs very wide apart, as if the top-boots +were familiar to them, actually winked upon the housekeeper with +his infant eye, in imitation of his grandfather. + +'There's a naughty boy, mum,' said Mr. Weller, bursting with +delight, 'there's a immoral Tony. Wos there ever a little chap o' +four year and eight months old as vinked his eye at a strange lady +afore?' + +As little affected by this observation as by the former appeal to +his feelings, Master Weller elevated in the air a small model of a +coach whip which he carried in his hand, and addressing the +housekeeper with a shrill 'ya - hip!' inquired if she was 'going +down the road;' at which happy adaptation of a lesson he had been +taught from infancy, Mr. Weller could restrain his feelings no +longer, but gave him twopence on the spot. + +'It's in wain to deny it, mum,' said Mr. Weller, 'this here is a +boy arter his grandfather's own heart, and beats out all the boys +as ever wos or will be. Though at the same time, mum,' added Mr. +Weller, trying to look gravely down upon his favourite, 'it was +wery wrong on him to want to - over all the posts as we come along, +and wery cruel on him to force poor grandfather to lift him cross- +legged over every vun of 'em. He wouldn't pass vun single blessed +post, mum, and at the top o' the lane there's seven-and-forty on +'em all in a row, and wery close together.' + +Here Mr. Weller, whose feelings were in a perpetual conflict +between pride in his grandson's achievements and a sense of his own +responsibility, and the importance of impressing him with moral +truths, burst into a fit of laughter, and suddenly checking +himself, remarked in a severe tone that little boys as made their +grandfathers put 'em over posts never went to heaven at any price. + +By this time the housekeeper had made tea, and little Tony, placed +on a chair beside her, with his eyes nearly on a level with the top +of the table, was provided with various delicacies which yielded +him extreme contentment. The housekeeper (who seemed rather afraid +of the child, notwithstanding her caresses) then patted him on the +head, and declared that he was the finest boy she had ever seen. + +'Wy, mum,' said Mr. Weller, 'I don't think you'll see a many sich, +and that's the truth. But if my son Samivel vould give me my vay, +mum, and only dis-pense vith his - MIGHT I wenter to say the vurd?' + +'What word, Mr. Weller?' said the housekeeper, blushing slightly. + +'Petticuts, mum,' returned that gentleman, laying his hand upon the +garments of his grandson. 'If my son Samivel, mum, vould only dis- +pense vith these here, you'd see such a alteration in his +appearance, as the imagination can't depicter.' + +'But what would you have the child wear instead, Mr. Weller?' said +the housekeeper. + +'I've offered my son Samivel, mum, agen and agen,' returned the old +gentleman, 'to purwide him at my own cost vith a suit o' clothes as +'ud be the makin' on him, and form his mind in infancy for those +pursuits as I hope the family o' the Vellers vill alvays dewote +themselves to. Tony, my boy, tell the lady wot them clothes are, +as grandfather says, father ought to let you vear.' + +'A little white hat and a little sprig weskut and little knee cords +and little top-boots and a little green coat with little bright +buttons and a little welwet collar,' replied Tony, with great +readiness and no stops. + +'That's the cos-toom, mum,' said Mr. Weller, looking proudly at the +housekeeper. 'Once make sich a model on him as that, and you'd say +he WOS an angel!' + +Perhaps the housekeeper thought that in such a guise young Tony +would look more like the angel at Islington than anything else of +that name, or perhaps she was disconcerted to find her previously- +conceived ideas disturbed, as angels are not commonly represented +in top-boots and sprig waistcoats. She coughed doubtfully, but +said nothing. + +'How many brothers and sisters have you, my dear?' she asked, after +a short silence. + +'One brother and no sister at all,' replied Tony. 'Sam his name +is, and so's my father's. Do you know my father?' + +'O yes, I know him,' said the housekeeper, graciously. + +'Is my father fond of you?' pursued Tony. + +'I hope so,' rejoined the smiling housekeeper. + +Tony considered a moment, and then said, 'Is my grandfather fond of +you?' + +This would seem a very easy question to answer, but instead of +replying to it, the housekeeper smiled in great confusion, and said +that really children did ask such extraordinary questions that it +was the most difficult thing in the world to talk to them. Mr. +Weller took upon himself to reply that he was very fond of the +lady; but the housekeeper entreating that he would not put such +things into the child's head, Mr. Weller shook his own while she +looked another way, and seemed to be troubled with a misgiving that +captivation was in progress. It was, perhaps, on this account that +he changed the subject precipitately. + +'It's wery wrong in little boys to make game o' their grandfathers, +an't it, mum?' said Mr. Weller, shaking his head waggishly, until +Tony looked at him, when he counterfeited the deepest dejection and +sorrow. + +'O, very sad!' assented the housekeeper. 'But I hope no little +boys do that?' + +'There is vun young Turk, mum,' said Mr. Weller, 'as havin' seen +his grandfather a little overcome vith drink on the occasion of a +friend's birthday, goes a reelin' and staggerin' about the house, +and makin' believe that he's the old gen'lm'n.' + +'O, quite shocking!' cried the housekeeper, + +'Yes, mum,' said Mr. Weller; 'and previously to so doin', this here +young traitor that I'm a speakin' of, pinches his little nose to +make it red, and then he gives a hiccup and says, "I'm all right," +he says; "give us another song!" Ha, ha! "Give us another song," +he says. Ha, ha, ha!' + +In his excessive delight, Mr. Weller was quite unmindful of his +moral responsibility, until little Tony kicked up his legs, and +laughing immoderately, cried, 'That was me, that was;' whereupon +the grandfather, by a great effort, became extremely solemn. + +'No, Tony, not you,' said Mr. Weller. 'I hope it warn't you, Tony. +It must ha' been that 'ere naughty little chap as comes sometimes +out o' the empty watch-box round the corner, - that same little +chap as wos found standing on the table afore the looking-glass, +pretending to shave himself vith a oyster-knife.' + +'He didn't hurt himself, I hope?' observed the housekeeper. + +'Not he, mum,' said Mr. Weller proudly; 'bless your heart, you +might trust that 'ere boy vith a steam-engine a'most, he's such a +knowin' young' - but suddenly recollecting himself and observing +that Tony perfectly understood and appreciated the compliment, the +old gentleman groaned and observed that 'it wos all wery shockin' - +wery.' + +'O, he's a bad 'un,' said Mr. Weller, 'is that 'ere watch-box boy, +makin' such a noise and litter in the back yard, he does, waterin' +wooden horses and feedin' of 'em vith grass, and perpetivally +spillin' his little brother out of a veelbarrow and frightenin' his +mother out of her vits, at the wery moment wen she's expectin' to +increase his stock of happiness vith another play-feller, - O, he's +a bad one! He's even gone so far as to put on a pair of paper +spectacles as he got his father to make for him, and walk up and +down the garden vith his hands behind him in imitation of Mr. +Pickwick, - but Tony don't do sich things, O no!' + +'O no!' echoed Tony. + +'He knows better, he does,' said Mr. Weller. 'He knows that if he +wos to come sich games as these nobody wouldn't love him, and that +his grandfather in partickler couldn't abear the sight on him; for +vich reasons Tony's always good.' + +'Always good,' echoed Tony; and his grandfather immediately took +him on his knee and kissed him, at the same time, with many nods +and winks, slyly pointing at the child's head with his thumb, in +order that the housekeeper, otherwise deceived by the admirable +manner in which he (Mr. Weller) had sustained his character, might +not suppose that any other young gentleman was referred to, and +might clearly understand that the boy of the watch-box was but an +imaginary creation, and a fetch of Tony himself, invented for his +improvement and reformation. + +Not confining himself to a mere verbal description of his +grandson's abilities, Mr. Weller, when tea was finished, invited +him by various gifts of pence and halfpence to smoke imaginary +pipes, drink visionary beer from real pots, imitate his grandfather +without reserve, and in particular to go through the drunken scene, +which threw the old gentleman into ecstasies and filled the +housekeeper with wonder. Nor was Mr. Weller's pride satisfied with +even this display, for when he took his leave he carried the child, +like some rare and astonishing curiosity, first to the barber's +house and afterwards to the tobacconist's, at each of which places +he repeated his performances with the utmost effect to applauding +and delighted audiences. It was half-past nine o'clock when Mr. +Weller was last seen carrying him home upon his shoulder, and it +has been whispered abroad that at that time the infant Tony was +rather intoxicated. + + +I was musing the other evening upon the characters and incidents +with which I had been so long engaged; wondering how I could ever +have looked forward with pleasure to the completion of my tale, and +reproaching myself for having done so, as if it were a kind of +cruelty to those companions of my solitude whom I had now +dismissed, and could never again recall; when my clock struck ten. +Punctual to the hour, my friends appeared. + +On our last night of meeting, we had finished the story which the +reader has just concluded. Our conversation took the same current +as the meditations which the entrance of my friends had +interrupted, and The Old Curiosity Shop was the staple of our +discourse. + +I may confide to the reader now, that in connection with this +little history I had something upon my mind; something to +communicate which I had all along with difficulty repressed; +something I had deemed it, during the progress of the story, +necessary to its interest to disguise, and which, now that it was +over, I wished, and was yet reluctant, to disclose. + +To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my +nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart. +This temper, and the consciousness of having done some violence to +it in my narrative, laid me under a restraint which I should have +had great difficulty in overcoming, but for a timely remark from +Mr. Miles, who, as I hinted in a former paper, is a gentleman of +business habits, and of great exactness and propriety in all his +transactions. + +'I could have wished,' my friend objected, 'that we had been made +acquainted with the single gentleman's name. I don't like his +withholding his name. It made me look upon him at first with +suspicion, and caused me to doubt his moral character, I assure +you. I am fully satisfied by this time of his being a worthy +creature; but in this respect he certainly would not appear to have +acted at all like a man of business.' + +'My friends,' said I, drawing to the table, at which they were by +this time seated in their usual chairs, 'do you remember that this +story bore another title besides that one we have so often heard of +late?' + +Mr. Miles had his pocket-book out in an instant, and referring to +an entry therein, rejoined, 'Certainly. Personal Adventures of +Master Humphrey. Here it is. I made a note of it at the time.' + +I was about to resume what I had to tell them, when the same Mr. +Miles again interrupted me, observing that the narrative originated +in a personal adventure of my own, and that was no doubt the reason +for its being thus designated. + +This led me to the point at once. + +'You will one and all forgive me,' I returned, 'if for the greater +convenience of the story, and for its better introduction, that +adventure was fictitious. I had my share, indeed, - no light or +trivial one, - in the pages we have read, but it was not the share +I feigned to have at first. The younger brother, the single +gentleman, the nameless actor in this little drama, stands before +you now.' + +It was easy to see they had not expected this disclosure. + +'Yes,' I pursued. 'I can look back upon my part in it with a calm, +half-smiling pity for myself as for some other man. But I am he, +indeed; and now the chief sorrows of my life are yours.' + +I need not say what true gratification I derived from the sympathy +and kindness with which this acknowledgment was received; nor how +often it had risen to my lips before; nor how difficult I had found +it - how impossible, when I came to those passages which touched me +most, and most nearly concerned me - to sustain the character I had +assumed. It is enough to say that I replaced in the clock-case the +record of so many trials, - sorrowfully, it is true, but with a +softened sorrow which was almost pleasure; and felt that in living +through the past again, and communicating to others the lesson it +had helped to teach me, I had been a happier man. + +We lingered so long over the leaves from which I had read, that as +I consigned them to their former resting-place, the hand of my +trusty clock pointed to twelve, and there came towards us upon the +wind the voice of the deep and distant bell of St. Paul's as it +struck the hour of midnight. + +'This,' said I, returning with a manuscript I had taken at the +moment, from the same repository, 'to be opened to such music, +should be a tale where London's face by night is darkly seen, and +where some deed of such a time as this is dimly shadowed out. +Which of us here has seen the working of that great machine whose +voice has just now ceased?' + +Mr. Pickwick had, of course, and so had Mr. Miles. Jack and my +deaf friend were in the minority. + +I had seen it but a few days before, and could not help telling +them of the fancy I had about it. + +I paid my fee of twopence upon entering, to one of the money- +changers who sit within the Temple; and falling, after a few turns +up and down, into the quiet train of thought which such a place +awakens, paced the echoing stones like some old monk whose present +world lay all within its walls. As I looked afar up into the lofty +dome, I could not help wondering what were his reflections whose +genius reared that mighty pile, when, the last small wedge of +timber fixed, the last nail driven into its home for many +centuries, the clang of hammers, and the hum of busy voices gone, +and the Great Silence whole years of noise had helped to make, +reigning undisturbed around, he mused, as I did now, upon his work, +and lost himself amid its vast extent. I could not quite determine +whether the contemplation of it would impress him with a sense of +greatness or of insignificance; but when I remembered how long a +time it had taken to erect, in how short a space it might be +traversed even to its remotest parts, for how brief a term he, or +any of those who cared to bear his name, would live to see it, or +know of its existence, I imagined him far more melancholy than +proud, and looking with regret upon his labour done. With these +thoughts in my mind, I began to ascend, almost unconsciously, the +flight of steps leading to the several wonders of the building, and +found myself before a barrier where another money-taker sat, who +demanded which among them I would choose to see. There were the +stone gallery, he said, and the whispering gallery, the geometrical +staircase, the room of models, the clock - the clock being quite in +my way, I stopped him there, and chose that sight from all the +rest. + +I groped my way into the Turret which it occupies, and saw before +me, in a kind of loft, what seemed to be a great, old oaken press +with folding doors. These being thrown back by the attendant (who +was sleeping when I came upon him, and looked a drowsy fellow, as +though his close companionship with Time had made him quite +indifferent to it), disclosed a complicated crowd of wheels and +chains in iron and brass, - great, sturdy, rattling engines, - +suggestive of breaking a finger put in here or there, and grinding +the bone to powder, - and these were the Clock! Its very pulse, if +I may use the word, was like no other clock. It did not mark the +flight of every moment with a gentle second stroke, as though it +would check old Time, and have him stay his pace in pity, but +measured it with one sledge-hammer beat, as if its business were to +crush the seconds as they came trooping on, and remorselessly to +clear a path before the Day of Judgment. + +I sat down opposite to it, and hearing its regular and never- +changing voice, that one deep constant note, uppermost amongst all +the noise and clatter in the streets below, - marking that, let +that tumult rise or fall, go on or stop, - let it be night or noon, +to-morrow or to-day, this year or next, - it still performed its +functions with the same dull constancy, and regulated the progress +of the life around, the fancy came upon me that this was London's +Heart, - and that when it should cease to beat, the City would be +no more. + +It is night. Calm and unmoved amidst the scenes that darkness +favours, the great heart of London throbs in its Giant breast. +Wealth and beggary, vice and virtue, guilt and innocence, repletion +and the direst hunger, all treading on each other and crowding +together, are gathered round it. Draw but a little circle above +the clustering housetops, and you shall have within its space +everything, with its opposite extreme and contradiction, close +beside. Where yonder feeble light is shining, a man is but this +moment dead. The taper at a few yards' distance is seen by eyes +that have this instant opened on the world. There are two houses +separated by but an inch or two of wall. In one, there are quiet +minds at rest; in the other, a waking conscience that one might +think would trouble the very air. In that close corner where the +roofs shrink down and cower together as if to hide their secrets +from the handsome street hard by, there are such dark crimes, such +miseries and horrors, as could be hardly told in whispers. In the +handsome street, there are folks asleep who have dwelt there all +their lives, and have no more knowledge of these things than if +they had never been, or were transacted at the remotest limits of +the world, - who, if they were hinted at, would shake their heads, +look wise, and frown, and say they were impossible, and out of +Nature, - as if all great towns were not. Does not this Heart of +London, that nothing moves, nor stops, nor quickens, - that goes on +the same let what will be done, does it not express the City's +character well? + +The day begins to break, and soon there is the hum and noise of +life. Those who have spent the night on doorsteps and cold stones +crawl off to beg; they who have slept in beds come forth to their +occupation, too, and business is astir. The fog of sleep rolls +slowly off, and London shines awake. The streets are filled with +carriages and people gaily clad. The jails are full, too, to the +throat, nor have the workhouses or hospitals much room to spare. +The courts of law are crowded. Taverns have their regular +frequenters by this time, and every mart of traffic has its throng. +Each of these places is a world, and has its own inhabitants; each +is distinct from, and almost unconscious of the existence of any +other. There are some few people well to do, who remember to have +heard it said, that numbers of men and women - thousands, they +think it was - get up in London every day, unknowing where to lay +their heads at night; and that there are quarters of the town where +misery and famine always are. They don't believe it quite, - there +may be some truth in it, but it is exaggerated, of course. So, +each of these thousand worlds goes on, intent upon itself, until +night comes again, - first with its lights and pleasures, and its +cheerful streets; then with its guilt and darkness. + +Heart of London, there is a moral in thy every stroke! as I look on +at thy indomitable working, which neither death, nor press of life, +nor grief, nor gladness out of doors will influence one jot, I seem +to hear a voice within thee which sinks into my heart, bidding me, +as I elbow my way among the crowd, have some thought for the +meanest wretch that passes, and, being a man, to turn away with +scorn and pride from none that bear the human shape. + + +I am by no means sure that I might not have been tempted to enlarge +upon the subject, had not the papers that lay before me on the +table been a silent reproach for even this digression. I took them +up again when I had got thus far, and seriously prepared to read. + +The handwriting was strange to me, for the manuscript had been +fairly copied. As it is against our rules, in such a case, to +inquire into the authorship until the reading is concluded, I could +only glance at the different faces round me, in search of some +expression which should betray the writer. Whoever he might be, he +was prepared for this, and gave no sign for my enlightenment. + +I had the papers in my hand, when my deaf friend interposed with a +suggestion. + +'It has occurred to me,' he said, 'bearing in mind your sequel to +the tale we have finished, that if such of us as have anything to +relate of our own lives could interweave it with our contribution +to the Clock, it would be well to do so. This need be no restraint +upon us, either as to time, or place, or incident, since any real +passage of this kind may be surrounded by fictitious circumstances, +and represented by fictitious characters. What if we make this an +article of agreement among ourselves?' + +The proposition was cordially received, but the difficulty appeared +to be that here was a long story written before we had thought of +it. + +'Unless,' said I, 'it should have happened that the writer of this +tale - which is not impossible, for men are apt to do so when they +write - has actually mingled with it something of his own endurance +and experience.' + +Nobody spoke, but I thought I detected in one quarter that this was +really the case. + +'If I have no assurance to the contrary,' I added, therefore, 'I +shall take it for granted that he has done so, and that even these +papers come within our new agreement. Everybody being mute, we +hold that understanding if you please.' + +And here I was about to begin again, when Jack informed us softly, +that during the progress of our last narrative, Mr. Weller's Watch +had adjourned its sittings from the kitchen, and regularly met +outside our door, where he had no doubt that august body would be +found at the present moment. As this was for the convenience of +listening to our stories, he submitted that they might be suffered +to come in, and hear them more pleasantly. + +To this we one and all yielded a ready assent, and the party being +discovered, as Jack had supposed, and invited to walk in, entered +(though not without great confusion at having been detected), and +were accommodated with chairs at a little distance. + +Then, the lamp being trimmed, the fire well stirred and burning +brightly, the hearth clean swept, the curtains closely drawn, the +clock wound up, we entered on our new story. + + +It is again midnight. My fire burns cheerfully; the room is filled +with my old friend's sober voice; and I am left to muse upon the +story we have just now finished. + +It makes me smile, at such a time as this, to think if there were +any one to see me sitting in my easy-chair, my gray head hanging +down, my eyes bent thoughtfully upon the glowing embers, and my +crutch - emblem of my helplessness - lying upon the hearth at my +feet, how solitary I should seem. Yet though I am the sole tenant +of this chimney-corner, though I am childless and old, I have no +sense of loneliness at this hour; but am the centre of a silent +group whose company I love. + +Thus, even age and weakness have their consolations. If I were a +younger man, if I were more active, more strongly bound and tied to +life, these visionary friends would shun me, or I should desire to +fly from them. Being what I am, I can court their society, and +delight in it; and pass whole hours in picturing to myself the +shadows that perchance flock every night into this chamber, and in +imagining with pleasure what kind of interest they have in the +frail, feeble mortal who is its sole inhabitant. + +All the friends I have ever lost I find again among these visitors. +I love to fancy their spirits hovering about me, feeling still some +earthly kindness for their old companion, and watching his decay. +'He is weaker, he declines apace, he draws nearer and nearer to us, +and will soon be conscious of our existence.' What is there to +alarm me in this? It is encouragement and hope. + +These thoughts have never crowded on me half so fast as they have +done to-night. Faces I had long forgotten have become familiar to +me once again; traits I had endeavoured to recall for years have +come before me in an instant; nothing is changed but me; and even I +can be my former self at will. + +Raising my eyes but now to the face of my old clock, I remember, +quite involuntarily, the veneration, not unmixed with a sort of +childish awe, with which I used to sit and watch it as it ticked, +unheeded in a dark staircase corner. I recollect looking more +grave and steady when I met its dusty face, as if, having that +strange kind of life within it, and being free from all excess of +vulgar appetite, and warning all the house by night and day, it +were a sage. How often have I listened to it as it told the beads +of time, and wondered at its constancy! How often watched it +slowly pointing round the dial, and, while I panted for the eagerly +expected hour to come, admired, despite myself, its steadiness of +purpose and lofty freedom from all human strife, impatience, and +desire! + +I thought it cruel once. It was very hard of heart, to my mind, I +remember. It was an old servant even then; and I felt as though it +ought to show some sorrow; as though it wanted sympathy with us in +our distress, and were a dull, heartless, mercenary creature. Ah! +how soon I learnt to know that in its ceaseless going on, and in +its being checked or stayed by nothing, lay its greatest kindness, +and the only balm for grief and wounded peace of mind. + +To-night, to-night, when this tranquillity and calm are on my +spirits, and memory presents so many shifting scenes before me, I +take my quiet stand at will by many a fire that has been long +extinguished, and mingle with the cheerful group that cluster round +it. If I could be sorrowful in such a mood, I should grow sad to +think what a poor blot I was upon their youth and beauty once, and +now how few remain to put me to the blush; I should grow sad to +think that such among them as I sometimes meet with in my daily +walks are scarcely less infirm than I; that time has brought us to +a level; and that all distinctions fade and vanish as we take our +trembling steps towards the grave. + +But memory was given us for better purposes than this, and mine is +not a torment, but a source of pleasure. To muse upon the gaiety +and youth I have known suggests to me glad scenes of harmless mirth +that may be passing now. From contemplating them apart, I soon +become an actor in these little dramas, and humouring my fancy, +lose myself among the beings it invokes. + +When my fire is bright and high, and a warm blush mantles in the +walls and ceiling of this ancient room; when my clock makes +cheerful music, like one of those chirping insects who delight in +the warm hearth, and are sometimes, by a good superstition, looked +upon as the harbingers of fortune and plenty to that household in +whose mercies they put their humble trust; when everything is in a +ruddy genial glow, and there are voices in the crackling flame, and +smiles in its flashing light, other smiles and other voices +congregate around me, invading, with their pleasant harmony, the +silence of the time. + +For then a knot of youthful creatures gather round my fireside, and +the room re-echoes to their merry voices. My solitary chair no +longer holds its ample place before the fire, but is wheeled into a +smaller corner, to leave more room for the broad circle formed +about the cheerful hearth. I have sons, and daughters, and +grandchildren, and we are assembled on some occasion of rejoicing +common to us all. It is a birthday, perhaps, or perhaps it may be +Christmas time; but be it what it may, there is rare holiday among +us; we are full of glee. + +In the chimney-comer, opposite myself, sits one who has grown old +beside me. She is changed, of course; much changed; and yet I +recognise the girl even in that gray hair and wrinkled brow. +Glancing from the laughing child who half hides in her ample +skirts, and half peeps out, - and from her to the little matron of +twelve years old, who sits so womanly and so demure at no great +distance from me, - and from her again, to a fair girl in the full +bloom of early womanhood, the centre of the group, who has glanced +more than once towards the opening door, and by whom the children, +whispering and tittering among themselves, WILL leave a vacant +chair, although she bids them not, - I see her image thrice +repeated, and feel how long it is before one form and set of +features wholly pass away, if ever, from among the living. While I +am dwelling upon this, and tracing out the gradual change from +infancy to youth, from youth to perfect growth, from that to age, +and thinking, with an old man's pride, that she is comely yet, I +feel a slight thin hand upon my arm, and, looking down, see seated +at my feet a crippled boy, - a gentle, patient child, - whose +aspect I know well. He rests upon a little crutch, - I know it +too, - and leaning on it as he climbs my footstool, whispers in my +ear, 'I am hardly one of these, dear grandfather, although I love +them dearly. They are very kind to me, but you will be kinder +still, I know.' + +I have my hand upon his neck, and stoop to kiss him, when my clock +strikes, my chair is in its old spot, and I am alone. + +What if I be? What if this fireside be tenantless, save for the +presence of one weak old man? From my house-top I can look upon a +hundred homes, in every one of which these social companions are +matters of reality. In my daily walks I pass a thousand men whose +cares are all forgotten, whose labours are made light, whose dull +routine of work from day to day is cheered and brightened by their +glimpses of domestic joy at home. Amid the struggles of this +struggling town what cheerful sacrifices are made; what toil +endured with readiness; what patience shown and fortitude displayed +for the mere sake of home and its affections! Let me thank Heaven +that I can people my fireside with shadows such as these; with +shadows of bright objects that exist in crowds about me; and let me +say, 'I am alone no more.' + +I never was less so - I write it with a grateful heart - than I am +to-night. Recollections of the past and visions of the present +come to bear me company; the meanest man to whom I have ever given +alms appears, to add his mite of peace and comfort to my stock; and +whenever the fire within me shall grow cold, to light my path upon +this earth no more, I pray that it may be at such an hour as this, +and when I love the world as well as I do now. + + +THE DEAF GENTLEMAN FROM HIS OWN APARTMENT + + +Our dear friend laid down his pen at the end of the foregoing +paragraph, to take it up no more. I little thought ever to employ +mine upon so sorrowful a task as that which he has left me, and to +which I now devote it. + +As he did not appear among us at his usual hour next morning, we +knocked gently at his door. No answer being given, it was softly +opened; and then, to our surprise, we saw him seated before the +ashes of his fire, with a little table I was accustomed to set at +his elbow when I left him for the night at a short distance from +him, as though he had pushed it away with the idea of rising and +retiring to his bed. His crutch and footstool lay at his feet as +usual, and he was dressed in his chamber-gown, which he had put on +before I left him. He was reclining in his chair, in his +accustomed posture, with his face towards the fire, and seemed +absorbed in meditation, - indeed, at first, we almost hoped he was. + +Going up to him, we found him dead. I have often, very often, seen +him sleeping, and always peacefully, but I never saw him look so +calm and tranquil. His face wore a serene, benign expression, +which had impressed me very strongly when we last shook hands; not +that he had ever had any other look, God knows; but there was +something in this so very spiritual, so strangely and indefinably +allied to youth, although his head was gray and venerable, that it +was new even in him. It came upon me all at once when on some +slight pretence he called me back upon the previous night to take +me by the hand again, and once more say, 'God bless you.' + +A bell-rope hung within his reach, but he had not moved towards it; +nor had he stirred, we all agreed, except, as I have said, to push +away his table, which he could have done, and no doubt did, with a +very slight motion of his hand. He had relapsed for a moment into +his late train of meditation, and, with a thoughtful smile upon his +face, had died. + +I had long known it to be his wish that whenever this event should +come to pass we might be all assembled in the house. I therefore +lost no time in sending for Mr. Pickwick and for Mr. Miles, both of +whom arrived before the messenger's return. + +It is not my purpose to dilate upon the sorrow and affectionate +emotions of which I was at once the witness and the sharer. But I +may say, of the humbler mourners, that his faithful housekeeper was +fairly heart-broken; that the poor barber would not be comforted; +and that I shall respect the homely truth and warmth of heart of +Mr. Weller and his son to the last moment of my life. + +'And the sweet old creetur, sir,' said the elder Mr. Weller to me +in the afternoon, 'has bolted. Him as had no wice, and was so free +from temper that a infant might ha' drove him, has been took at +last with that 'ere unawoidable fit o' staggers as we all must come +to, and gone off his feed for ever! I see him,' said the old +gentleman, with a moisture in his eye, which could not be mistaken, +- 'I see him gettin', every journey, more and more groggy; I says +to Samivel, "My boy! the Grey's a-goin' at the knees;" and now my +predilictions is fatally werified, and him as I could never do +enough to serve or show my likin' for, is up the great uniwersal +spout o' natur'.' + +I was not the less sensible of the old man's attachment because he +expressed it in his peculiar manner. Indeed, I can truly assert of +both him and his son, that notwithstanding the extraordinary +dialogues they held together, and the strange commentaries and +corrections with which each of them illustrated the other's speech, +I do not think it possible to exceed the sincerity of their regret; +and that I am sure their thoughtfulness and anxiety in anticipating +the discharge of many little offices of sympathy would have done +honour to the most delicate-minded persons. + +Our friend had frequently told us that his will would be found in a +box in the Clock-case, the key of which was in his writing-desk. +As he had told us also that he desired it to be opened immediately +after his death, whenever that should happen, we met together that +night for the fulfilment of his request. + +We found it where he had told us, wrapped in a sealed paper, and +with it a codicil of recent date, in which he named Mr. Miles and +Mr. Pickwick his executors, - as having no need of any greater +benefit from his estate than a generous token (which he bequeathed +to them) of his friendship and remembrance. + +After pointing out the spot in which he wished his ashes to repose, +he gave to 'his dear old friends,' Jack Redburn and myself, his +house, his books, his furniture, - in short, all that his house +contained; and with this legacy more ample means of maintaining it +in its present state than we, with our habits and at our terms of +life, can ever exhaust. Besides these gifts, he left to us, in +trust, an annual sum of no insignificant amount, to be distributed +in charity among his accustomed pensioners - they are a long list - +and such other claimants on his bounty as might, from time to time, +present themselves. And as true charity not only covers a +multitude of sins, but includes a multitude of virtues, such as +forgiveness, liberal construction, gentleness and mercy to the +faults of others, and the remembrance of our own imperfections and +advantages, he bade us not inquire too closely into the venial +errors of the poor, but finding that they WERE poor, first to +relieve and then endeavour - at an advantage - to reclaim them. + +To the housekeeper he left an annuity, sufficient for her +comfortable maintenance and support through life. For the barber, +who had attended him many years, he made a similar provision. And +I may make two remarks in this place: first, that I think this +pair are very likely to club their means together and make a match +of it; and secondly, that I think my friend had this result in his +mind, for I have heard him say, more than once, that he could not +concur with the generality of mankind in censuring equal marriages +made in later life, since there were many cases in which such +unions could not fail to be a wise and rational source of happiness +to both parties. + +The elder Mr. Weller is so far from viewing this prospect with any +feelings of jealousy, that he appears to be very much relieved by +its contemplation; and his son, if I am not mistaken, participates +in this feeling. We are all of opinion, however, that the old +gentleman's danger, even at its crisis, was very slight, and that +he merely laboured under one of those transitory weaknesses to +which persons of his temperament are now and then liable, and which +become less and less alarming at every return, until they wholly +subside. I have no doubt he will remain a jolly old widower for +the rest of his life, as he has already inquired of me, with much +gravity, whether a writ of habeas corpus would enable him to settle +his property upon Tony beyond the possibility of recall; and has, +in my presence, conjured his son, with tears in his eyes, that in +the event of his ever becoming amorous again, he will put him in a +strait-waistcoat until the fit is past, and distinctly inform the +lady that his property is 'made over.' + +Although I have very little doubt that Sam would dutifully comply +with these injunctions in a case of extreme necessity, and that he +would do so with perfect composure and coolness, I do not apprehend +things will ever come to that pass, as the old gentleman seems +perfectly happy in the society of his son, his pretty daughter-in- +law, and his grandchildren, and has solemnly announced his +determination to 'take arter the old 'un in all respects;' from +which I infer that it is his intention to regulate his conduct by +the model of Mr. Pickwick, who will certainly set him the example +of a single life. + +I have diverged for a moment from the subject with which I set out, +for I know that my friend was interested in these little matters, +and I have a natural tendency to linger upon any topic that +occupied his thoughts or gave him pleasure and amusement. His +remaining wishes are very briefly told. He desired that we would +make him the frequent subject of our conversation; at the same +time, that we would never speak of him with an air of gloom or +restraint, but frankly, and as one whom we still loved and hoped to +meet again. He trusted that the old house would wear no aspect of +mourning, but that it would be lively and cheerful; and that we +would not remove or cover up his picture, which hangs in our +dining-room, but make it our companion as he had been. His own +room, our place of meeting, remains, at his desire, in its +accustomed state; our seats are placed about the table as of old; +his easy-chair, his desk, his crutch, his footstool, hold their +accustomed places, and the clock stands in its familiar corner. We +go into the chamber at stated times to see that all is as it should +be, and to take care that the light and air are not shut out, for +on that point he expressed a strong solicitude. But it was his +fancy that the apartment should not be inhabited; that it should be +religiously preserved in this condition, and that the voice of his +old companion should be heard no more. + +My own history may be summed up in very few words; and even those I +should have spared the reader but for my friend's allusion to me +some time since. I have no deeper sorrow than the loss of a child, +- an only daughter, who is living, and who fled from her father's +house but a few weeks before our friend and I first met. I had +never spoken of this even to him, because I have always loved her, +and I could not bear to tell him of her error until I could tell +him also of her sorrow and regret. Happily I was enabled to do so +some time ago. And it will not be long, with Heaven's leave, +before she is restored to me; before I find in her and her husband +the support of my declining years. + +For my pipe, it is an old relic of home, a thing of no great worth, +a poor trifle, but sacred to me for her sake. + +Thus, since the death of our venerable friend, Jack Redburn and I +have been the sole tenants of the old house; and, day by day, have +lounged together in his favourite walks. Mindful of his +injunctions, we have long been able to speak of him with ease and +cheerfulness, and to remember him as he would be remembered. From +certain allusions which Jack has dropped, to his having been +deserted and cast off in early life, I am inclined to believe that +some passages of his youth may possibly be shadowed out in the +history of Mr. Chester and his son, but seeing that he avoids the +subject, I have not pursued it. + +My task is done. The chamber in which we have whiled away so many +hours, not, I hope, without some pleasure and some profit, is +deserted; our happy hour of meeting strikes no more; the chimney- +corner has grown cold; and MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK has stopped for +ever. + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg eText Master Humphrey's Clock + diff --git a/old/mhmph10.zip b/old/mhmph10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..623d1b6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/mhmph10.zip |