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diff --git a/581-0.txt b/581-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2196038 --- /dev/null +++ b/581-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3744 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Ginx's Baby, by Edward Jenkins + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Ginx's Baby + +Author: Edward Jenkins + +Release Date: July, 1996 [Etext #581] +Posting Date: November 26, 2009 +Last Updated: March 15, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GINX'S BABY *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Keller + + + + + +GINX'S BABY + +His Birth and other Misfortunes + +A SATIRE + + +By Edward Jenkins + + + + +PREFACE. + +CRITIC.--I never read a more improbable story in my life. + +AUTHOR.--Notwithstanding, it may be true. + + + +CONTENTS. + + PART I. WHAT GINX DID WITH HIM. + I. Ab initio + II. Home, sweet Home! + III. Work and Ideas + IV. Digressive, and may be skipped without mutilating the History + V. Reasons and Resolves + VI. The Antagonism of Law and Necessity + VII. Malthus and Man + VIII. The Baby's First Translation + + PART II. WHAT CHARITY AND THE CHURCHES DID WITH HIM. + I. The Milk of Human Kindness, Mother's Milk, and the Milk of + the Word + II. The Protestant Detectoral Association + III. The Sacrament of Baptism + IV. Law on Behalf of Gospel + V. Magistrate's Law + VI. Popery and Protestantism in the Queen's Bench + VII. A Protestor, but not a Protestant + VIII. “See how these Christians love one another” + IX. Good Samaritans, and Good-Samaritan Twopences + X. The Force--and a Specimen of its Weakness + XI. The Unity of the Spirit and the Bond of Peace + XII. No Funds--no Faith, no Works + XIII. In transitu + + PART III. WHAT THE PARISH DID WITH HIM. + I. Parochial Knots--to be untied without Prejudice + II. A Board of Guardians + III. “The World is my Parish” + IV. Without Prejudice to any one but the Guardians + V. An Ungodly Jungle + VI. Parochial Benevolence--and another Translation + + PART IV. WHAT THE CLUBS AND POLITICIANS DID WITH HIM. + I. Moved on + II. Club Ideas + III. A thorough-paced Reformer--if not a Revolutionary + IV. Very Broad Views + V. Party Tactics--and Political Obstructions to Social Reform + VI. Amateur Debating in a High Legislative Body + + PART V. WHAT GINX'S BABY DID WITH HIMSELF. + The Last Chapter + + + + +PART I. WHAT GINX DID WITH HIM. + + + + +I.--Ab initio. + +The name of the father of Ginx's Baby was Ginx. By a not unexceptional +coincidence, its mother was Mrs. Ginx. The gender of Ginx's Baby was +masculine. + +On the day when our hero was born, Mr. and Mrs. Ginx were living at +Number Five, Rosemary Street, in the City of Westminster. The being then +and there brought into the world was not the only human entity to which +the title of “Ginx's Baby” was or had been appropriate. Ginx had been +married to Betsy Hicks at St. John's, Westminster, on the twenty-fifth +day of October, 18--, as appears from the “marriage lines” retained by +Betsy Ginx, and carefully collated by me with the original register. +Our hero was their thirteenth child. Patient inquiry has enabled me +to verify the following history of their propagations. On July the +twenty-fifth, the year after their marriage, Mrs. Ginx was safely +delivered of a girl. No announcement of this appeared in the newspapers. + +On the tenth of April following, the whole neighborhood, including Great +Smith Street, Marsham Street, Great and Little Peter Streets, Regent +Street, Horseferry Road, and Strutton Ground, was convulsed by +the report that a woman named Ginx had given birth to “a triplet,” + consisting of two girls and a boy. The news penetrated to Dean's Yard +and the ancient school of Westminster. The Dean, who accepted nothing +on trust, sent to verify the report, his messenger bearing a bundle of +baby-clothes from the Dean's wife, who thought that the mother could +scarcely have provided for so large an addition to her family. The +schoolboys, on their way to the play-ground at Vincent Square, slyly +diverged to have a look at the curiosity, paying sixpence a head to Mrs. +Ginx's friend and crony, Mrs. Spittal, who pocketed the money, and said +nothing about it to the sick woman. THIS birth was announced in all +the newspapers throughout the kingdom, with the further news that Her +Majesty the Queen had been graciously pleased to forward to Mrs. Ginx +the sum of three pounds. + +What could have possessed the woman I can't say, but about a twelvemonth +after, Mrs. Ginx, with the assistance of two doctors hastily fetched +from the hospital by her frightened husband, nearly perished in a fresh +effort of maternity. This time two sons and two daughters fell to the +lot of the happy pair. Her Majesty sent four pounds. But whatever peace +there was at home, broils disturbed the street. The neighbors, who had +sent for the police on the occasion, were angered by a notoriety which +was becoming uncomfortable to them, and began to testify their feelings +in various rough ways. Ginx removed his family to Rosemary Street, +where, up to a year before the time when Ginx's Baby was born, his wife +had continued to add to her offspring until the tale reached one dozen. +It was then that Ginx affectionately but firmly begged that his wife +would consider her family ways, since, in all conscience, he had fairly +earned the blessedness of the man who hath his quiver full of them; +and frankly gave her notice that, as his utmost efforts could scarcely +maintain their existing family, if she ventured to present him with any +more, either single, or twins, or triplets, or otherwise, he would most +assuredly drown him, or her, or them in the water-butt, and take the +consequences. + + + + +II.--Home, sweet Home! + +The day on which Ginx uttered his awful threat was that next to the one +wherein number twelve had drawn his first breath. His wife lay on the +bed which, at the outset of wedded life, they had purchased secondhand +in Strutton Ground for the sum of nine shillings and sixpence. +SECOND-HAND! It had passed through, at least, as many hands as there +were afterwards babies born upon it. Twelfth or thirteenth hand, a +vagabond, botched bedstead, type of all the furniture in Ginx's rooms, +and in numberless houses through the vast city. Its dimensions were +4 feet 6 inches by 6 feet. When Ginx, who was a stout navvy, and Mrs. +Ginx, who was, you may conceive, a matronly woman, were in it, there +was little vacant space about them. Yet, as they were forced to find +resting-places for all the children, it not seldom happened that at +least one infant was perilously wedged between the parental bodies; and +latterly they had been so pressed for room in the household that two +younglings were nestled at the foot of the bed. Without foot-board or +pillows, the lodgment of these infants was precarious, since any fatuous +movement of Ginx's legs was likely to expel them head-first. However +they were safe, for they were sure to fall on one or other of their +brothers or sisters. + +I shall be as particular as a valuer, and describe what I have seen. The +family sleeping-room measured 13 feet 6 inches by 14 feet. + +Opening out of this, and again on the landing of the third-floor, was +their kitchen and sitting-room; it was not quite so large as the other. +This room contained a press, an old chest of drawers, a wooden box +once used for navvy's tools, three chairs, a stool, and some cooking +utensils. When, therefore, one little Ginx had curled himself up under a +blanket on the box, and three more had slipped beneath a tattered piece +of carpet under the table, there still remained five little bodies to be +bedded. For them an old straw mattress, limp enough to be rolled up and +thrust under the bed, was at night extended on the floor. With this, +and a patchwork quilt, the five were left to pack themselves together as +best they could. So that, if Ginx, in some vision of the night, happened +to be angered, and struck out his legs in navvy fashion, it sometimes +came to pass that a couple of children tumbled upon the mass of +infantile humanity below. + +Not to be described are the dinginess of the walls, the smokiness of the +ceilings, the grimy windows, the heavy, ever-murky atmosphere of these +rooms. They were 8 feet 6 inches in height, and any curious statist can +calculate the number of cubic feet of air which they afforded to each +person. + +The other side of the street was 14 feet distant. Behind, the backs of +similar tenements came up black and cowering over the little yard of +Number Five. As rare, in the well thus formed, was the circulation of +air as that of coin in the pockets of the inhabitants. I have seen the +yard; let me warn you, if you are fastidious, not to enter it. Such +of the filth of the house as could not, at night, be thrown out of the +front windows, was there collected, and seldom, if ever, removed. What +became of it? What becomes of countless such accretions in like places? +Are a large proportion of these filthy atoms absorbed by human creatures +living and dying, instead of being carried away by scavengers and +inspectors? The forty-five big and little lodgers in the house were +provided with a single office in the corner of the yard. It had once +been capped by a cistern, long since rotted away-- + + * * * * * + + The street was at one time the prey of the gas company; at +another, of the drainage contractors. They seemed to delight in turning +up the fetid soil, cutting deep trenches through various strata of +filth, and piling up for days or weeks matter that reeked with vegetable +and animal decay. One needs not affirm that Rosemary Street was not so +called from its fragrance. If the Ginxes and their neighbors preserved +any semblance of health in this place, the most popular guardian on +the board must own it a miracle. They, poor people, knew nothing of +“sanitary reform,” “sanitary precautions,” “zymotics,” “endemics,” + “epidemics,” “deodorizers,” or “disinfectants.” They regarded disease +with the apathy of creatures who felt it to be inseparable from +humanity, and with the fatalism of despair. + +Gin was their cardinal prescription, not for cure, but for oblivion: +“Sold everywhere.” A score of palaces flourished within call of each +other in that dismal district--garish, rich-looking dens, drawing to +the support of their vulgar glory the means, the lives, the eternal +destinies of the wrecked masses about them. Veritable wreckers they who +construct these haunts, viler than the wretches who place false beacons +and plunder bodies on the beach. Bring down the real owners of +these places, and show them their deadly work! Some of them leading +Philanthropists, eloquent at Missionary meetings and Bible Societies, +paying tribute to the Lord out of the pockets of dying drunkards, +fighting glorious battles for slaves, and manfully upholding popular +rights. My rich publican--forgive the pun--before you pay tithes of mint +and cummin, much more before you claim to be a disciple of a certain +Nazarene, take a lesson from one who restored fourfold the money he had +wrung from honest toil, or reflect on the case of the man to whom it was +said, “Go sell all thou hast, and give to the poor.” The lips from which +that counsel dropped offered some unpleasant alternatives, leaving out +one, however, which nowadays may yet reach you--the contempt of your +kind. + + + + +III.--Work and Ideas. + +I return again to Ginx's menace to his wife, who was suckling her +infant at the time on the bed. For her he had an animal affection that +preserved her from unkindness, even in his cups. His hand had never +unmanned itself by striking her, and rarely indeed did it injure any +one else. He wrestled not against flesh and blood, or powers, or +principalities, or wicked spirits in high places. He struggled with +clods and stones, and primeval chaos. His hands were horny with the +fight, and his nature had perhaps caught some of the dull ruggedness +of the things wherewith he battled. Hard and with a will had he worked +through the years of wedded life, and, to speak him fair, he had acted +honestly, within the limits of his knowledge and means, for the good of +his family. How narrow were those limits! Every week he threw into the +lap of Mrs. Ginx the eighteen or twenty shillings which his strength and +temperance enabled him continuously to earn, less sixpence reserved +for the public-house, whither he retreated on Sundays after the family +dinner. A dozen children overrunning the space in his rooms was then +a strain beyond the endurance of Ginx. Nor had he the heart to try the +common plan, and turn his children out of doors on the chance of their +being picked up in a raid of Sunday School teachers. So he turned out +himself to talk with the humbler spirits of the “Dragon,” or listen +sleepily while alehouse demagogues prescribed remedies for State abuses. + +Our friend was nearly as guiltless of knowledge as if Eve had never +rifled the tree whereon it grew. Vacant of policies were his thoughts; +innocent he of ideas of state-craft. He knew there was a Queen; he had +seen her. Lords and Commons were to him vague deities possessing strange +powers. Indeed, he had been present when some of his better-informed +companions had recognized with cheers certain gentlemen,--of whom Ginx's +estimate was expressed by a reference to his test of superiority to +himself in that which he felt to be greatest within him--“I could lick +'em with my little finger”--as the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the +Prime Minister. Little recked he of their uses or abuses. The functions +of Government were to him Asian mysteries. He only felt that it ought to +have a strong arm, like the brawny member wherewith he preserved order +in his domestic kingdom, and therefore generally associated Government +with the Police. In his view these were to clear away evil-doers and +leave every one else alone. The higher objects of Government were, if +at all, outlined in the shadowiest form in his imagination. Government +imposed taxes--that he was obliged to know. Government maintained the +parks; for that he thanked it. Government made laws, but what they were, +or with what aim or effects made, he knew not, save only that by them +something was done to raise or depress the prices of bread, tea, sugar, +and other necessaries. Why they should do so he never conceived--I am +not sure that he cared. Legislation sometimes pinched him, but darkness +so hid from him the persons and objects of the legislators that he could +not criticise the theories which those powerful beings were subjecting +to experiment at his cost. I must, at any risk, say something about this +in a separate chapter. + + + + +IV.--Digressive, and may be skipped without mutilating the History. + +I stop here to address any of the following characters, should he +perchance read these memoirs: + + You, Mr. Statesman--if there be such; + Mr. Pseudo-Statesman, Placeman, Party Leader, Wirepuller; + Mr. Amateur Statesman, Dilettante Lord, Civil Servant; + Mr. Clubman, Litterateur, Newspaper Scribe; + Mr. People's Candidate, Demagogue, Fenian Spouter; + +or whoever you may be, professing to know aught or do anything in +matters of policy, consider, what I am sure you have never fairly +weighed, the condition of a man whose clearest notion of Government is +derived from the Police! Imagine one who had never seen a polyp trying +to construct an ideal of the animal, from a single tentacle swinging out +from the tangle of weed in which the rest was wrapped! How then any more +can you fancy that a man to whose sight and knowledge the only part of +government practically exposed is the strong process of police, shall +form a proper conception of the functions, reasons, operations, and +relations of Government; or even build up an ideal of anything but a +haughty, unreasonable, antagonistic, tax-imposing FORCE! And how can +you rule such a being except as you rule a dog, by that which alone +he understands--the dog-whip of the constable! Given in a country a +majority of creatures like these, and surely despotism is its properest +complement. But when they exist, as they exist in England to-day, in +hundreds of thousands, in town and country, think what a complication +they introduce into your theoretic free system of government. Acts +of Parliament passed by a “freely-elected” House of Commons, and an +hereditary House of Lords under the threats of freely-electing citizens, +however pure in intention and correct in principle, will not seem to +him to be the resultants of every wish in the community so much as +dictations by superior strength. To these the obedience he will render +will not be the loving assent of his heart, but a begrudged concession +to circumstance. Your awe-invested legislature is not viewed as his +friend and brother-helper, but his tyrant. Therefore the most natural +bent of his workman-statesmanship--a rough, bungling affair--will be to +tame you--you who ought to be his Counsellor and Friend. When he +finds that your legislative action exerts upon him a repressive and +restraining force he will curse you as its author, because he sees not +the springs you are working. Should he even be a little more advanced +in knowledge than our friend Ginx, and learn that he helps to elect the +Parliament to make laws on behalf of himself and his fellow-citizens, he +will scarce trust the assembly which is supposed to represent him. +Will he, like a good citizen and a politic, accept with dignity and +self-control the decision of a majority against his prejudices: or will +he not regard the whole Wittenagemote with suspicion, contempt, or +even hatred? See him rush madly to Trafalgar Square meetings, Hyde Park +demonstrations, perhaps to Lord George Gordon Riots, as if there were no +less perilous means of publishing his opinions! There wily men may lead +his unconscious intellect, and stir his passions, and direct his forces +against his own--and his children's good. + +Did it ever occur to you, or any of you, how many voters cannot read, +and how many more, though they can read, are unable to apprehend reasons +of statesmanship?--that even newspapers cannot inform them, since they +have not the elementary knowledge needed for the comprehension of those +things which are discussed in them; nay, that for want of understanding +the same they may terribly distort political aims and consequences? + +Might it not be worth while for you, gentlemen--may it not be your duty +to devise ways and means for conveying such elementary instruction +by good street-preachers on politics and economy, or even political +bible-women or colporteurs, and so to make clear to the understanding of +every voter what are the reasons and aims of every act of Legislation, +Home Administration, and Foreign Policy? If you do not find out some +way to do this he may turn round upon you--I hope he may--and insist on +annually-elected parliaments, and thus oblige ambitious state-mongers, +in the rivalry of place, to come to him and declare more often their +wishes and objects. Other attractions may be found in that solution: +such as the untying of some knots of electoral difficulty, and removing +incitements to corruption. Ten thousand pounds for one year's power were +a high price even to a contractor. Think then whether at any cost some +general political education must not be attempted, since there is a +spirit breathing on the waters, and how it shall convulse them is no +indifferent matter to you or to me. Everywhere around us are unhewn +rocks stirred with a strange motion. Leave these chaotic fragments of +humanity to be hewn into rough shape by coarse artists seeking only +a petty profit, unhandy, immeasurably impudent; or dress them by your +teaching--teaching which is the highest, noblest, purest, most efficient +function of Government, which ought to be the most lofty ambition of +statesmanship--to be civic corner-stones polished after the similitude +of a palace. + + + + +V.--Reasons and Resolves. + +Ginx has been waiting through three chapters to explain his truculence +upon the birth of his twelfth child. Much explanation is not necessary. +When he looked round his nest and saw the many open mouths about him, he +might well be appalled to have another added to them. His children +were not chameleons, yet they were already forced to be content with a +proportion of air for their food. And even the air was bad. They were +pallid and pinched. How they were clad will ever be a mystery, save to +the poor woman who strung the limp rags together and Him who watched the +noble patience and sacrifice of a daily heroism. Of her own unsatisfied +cravings, and the dense motherly horrors that sometimes brooded over her +while she nursed these infants, let me refrain from speaking, since if +as vividly depicted as they were real, you, Madam, could not endure +to read of them. Her poor, unintelligent mind clung tenaciously to the +controverted aphorism, “Where God sends mouths he sends food to fill +them.” Believing that there was a God, and that He must be kind, she +trusted in this as a truth, and perhaps an all-seeing eye reading some +quaint characters on her simple heart, viewed them not too nearly, but +had regard to their general import, for, as she expressed it, “Thank +God! they had always been able to get along.” + +In the rush and tumult of the world it is likely that the summum +bonum of nine-tenths of mankind is embraced in that purely negative +happiness--to get along. Not to perish: to open eyes, however wearily, +on a new morning: to satisfy with something, no matter what, a craving +appetite: to close eyes at night under some shadow or shelter: or, it +may be, in certain ranks to walk another day free from bankruptcy or +arrest: Thank Heaven, they are just able to get along! + +Convinced that another infant straw would break his back, Ginx calmly +proposed to disconcert physical, moral, and legal relations by drowning +the straw Mrs. Ginx clinging to Number Twelve listened aghast. If a +mother can forget her sucking child she was not that mother. The stream +of her affections, though divided into twelve rills, would not have been +exhausted in twenty-four, and her soul, forecasting its sorrow, yearned +after that nonentity Number Thirteen. She pictured to herself the +hapless strangeling borne away from her bosom by those strong arms, +and--in fact she sobbed so that Ginx grew ashamed, and sought to comfort +her by the suggestion that she could not have any more. But she knew +better. + + + + +VI.--The Antagonism of Law and Necessity. + +In eighteen months, notwithstanding resolves, menaces, and prophecies, +GINX'S BABY was born. The mother hid the impending event long, from +the father. When he came to know it, he fixed his determination by much +thought and a little extra drinking. He argued thus: “He wouldn't go on +the parish. He couldn't keep another youngster to save his life. He had +never taken charity and never would. There was nothink to do with it but +drown it!” Female friends of Mrs. Ginx bruited his intentions about the +neighborhood, so that her “time” was watched for with interest. At last +it came. One afternoon Ginx, lounging home, saw signs of excitement +around his door in Rosemary Street. A knot of women and children awaited +his coming. Passing through them he soon learned what had happened. +Poor Mrs. Ginx! Without staying to think or argue, he took up the little +stranger and bore it from the room---- + +“O, O, O, Ginx! Ginx!!” + +She would have risen, but a strong power called weakness pulled her +back. + + * * * * * + + +The man meanwhile had reached the street. + +“Here he comes! There's the baby! He's going to do it, sure enough!” + shrieked the women. The children stood agape. He stopped to consider. It +is very well to talk about drowning your baby, but to do it you need two +things, water and opportunity. Vauxhall Bridge was the nearest way to +the former, and towards it Ginx turned. + +“Stop him!” + +“Murder!” + +“Take the child from him!” + +The crowd grew larger, and impeded the man's progress. Some of his +fellow-workmen stood by regarding the fun. + +“Leave us aloan, naabors,” shouted Ginx; “this is my own baby, and I'll +do wot I likes with it. I kent keep it; an' if I've got anythin' I kent +keep, it's best to get rid of it, ain't it? This child's goin' over +Wauxhall Bridge.” + +But the women clung to his arms and coattails. + +“Hallo! What's all this about?” said a sharp, strong man, well-dressed, +and in good condition, coming up to the crowd; “another foundling! +Confound the place, the very stones produce babies. Where was it found?” + +CHORUS (recognizing a deputy-relieving officer). It warn't found at all; +it's Ginx's baby. + +OFFICER. Ginx's baby? Who's Ginx? + +GINX. I am. + +OFFICER. Well? + +GINX. Well! + +CHORUS. He's goin' to drown it. + +OFFICER. Going to drown it? Nonsense. + +GINX. I am. + +OFFICER. But, bless my heart, that's murder! + +GINX. No 'tain't. I've twelve already at home. Starvashon's sure to kill +this 'un. Best save it the trouble. + +CHORUS. Take it away, Mr. Smug, he'll kill it if you don't. + +OFFICER. Stuff and nonsense! Quite contrary to law! Why, man, you're +bound to support your child. You can't throw it off in that way;--nor on +the parish neither. Give me your name. I must get a magistrate's order. +The act of parliament is as clear as daylight. I had a man up under +it last week. “Whosoever shall unlawfully abandon or expose any child, +being under the age of two years whereby the life of such child shall +be endangered or the health of such child shall have been or shall be +likely to be permanently injured (drowning comes under that I think) +shall be GUILTY OF a MISDEMEANOR and being convicted thereof shall be +liable at the discretion of the court to be KEPT IN PENAL SERVITUDE for +the term of three years or to be imprisoned for any term not exceeding +two years with or without hard labor.” + +Mr. Smug, the officer, rolled out this section in a sonorous monotone, +without stops, like a clerk of the court. It was his pride to know by +heart all the acts relating to his department, and to bring them down +upon any obstinate head that he wished to crush. Ginx's head, however, +was impervious to an act of parliament. In his then temper, the +Commination Service or St. Ernulphus's curse would have been feathers +to him. The only feeling aroused in his mind by the words of the +legislature was one of resentment. To him they seemed unjust, because +they were hard and fast, and made no allowance for circumstances. So he +said: + +GINX. D---- the act of parliament! What's the use of saying I shan't +abandon the child, when I can't keep it alive? + +OFFICER. But you're bound by law to keep it alive. + +GINX. Bound to keep it alive? How am I to do it? There's the rest on 'em +there (nodding towards his house) little better nor alive now. If that's +an act of Parleyment, why don't the act of Parleyment provide for 'em? +You know what wages is, and I can't get more than is going. + +CHORUS. Yes. Why don't Parleyment provide for 'em? You take the child, +Mr. Smug. + +OFFICER (regardless of grammar). ME take the child! The parish has +enough to do to take care of foundlings and children whose parents can't +or don't work. You don't suppose we will look after the children of +those who can? + +GINX. Jest so. You'll bring up bastards and beggars' pups, but you won't +help an honest man to keep his head above water. This child's head is +goin' under water anyhow!--and he prepared to bolt, amid fresh screams +from the Chorus. + + + + +VII.--Malthus and Man. + +Two gentlemen, who had been observing the excitement, here came forward. + +FIRST GENTLEMAN. This is our problem again, Mr. Philosopher. + +Mr. PHILOSOPHER (to Ginx). You don't know what to do with your infant, +my friend, and you think the State ought to provide for it? I understand +you to say this is your thirteenth child. How came you to have so many? + +This question, though put with profound and even melancholy gravity, +disconcerted Ginx, Officer, and Chorus, who united in a hearty outburst +of laughter. + +GINX. Haw, Haw, Haw! How came I to have so many? Why my old woman's a +good un and---- + +In fact, after searching his mind for some clever way of putting a +comical rejoinder, Ginx laughed boisterously. There are two aspects of a +question. + +PHILOSOPHER. I am serious, my friend. Did it never occur to you that you +had no right to bring children into the world unless you could feed and +clothe and educate them? + +CHORUS. Laws a' mercy! + +GINX. I'd like to know how I could help it, naabor. I'm a married man. + +PHILOSOPHER. Well, I will go further and say you ought not to have +married without a fair prospect of being able to provide for any +contingent increase of family. + +CHORUS. Laws a' mercy! + +PHILOSOPHER (waxing warm). What right had you to marry a poor woman, and +then both of you, with as little forethought as two--a--dogs, or other +brutes--to produce between you such a multitudinous progeny-- + +GINX. Civil words, naabor; don't call my family hard names. + +PHILOSOPHER. Then let me say, such a monstrous number of children as +thirteen? You knew, as you said just now, that wages were wages and did +not vary much. And yet you have gone on subdividing your resources by +the increase of what must become a degenerate offspring. (To the Chorus) +All you workpeople are doing it. Is it not time to think about these +things and stop the indiscriminate production of human beings, whose +lives you cannot properly maintain? Ought you not to act more like +reflective creatures and less like brutes? As if breeding were the whole +object of life! How much better for you, my friend, if you had never +married at all, than to have had the worry of a wife and children all +these years. + +The philosopher had gone too far. There were some angry murmurs among +the women and Ginx's face grew dark. He was thinking of “all those +years” and the poor creature that from morning to night and Sunday to +Sunday, in calm and storm, had clung to his rough affections: and the +bright eyes, and the winding arms so often trellised over his tremendous +form, and the coy tricks and laughter that had cheered so many tired +hours. He may have been much of a brute, but he felt that, after +all, that sort of thing was denied to dogs and pigs. Before he could +translate his thoughts into words or acts a shrewd-looking, curly-haired +stonemason, who stood by with his tin on his arm, cut into the +discussion. + +STONEMASON. Your doctrines won't go down here, Mr. Philosopher. I've +'eard of them before. I'd just like to ask you what a man's to do and +what a woman's to do if they don't marry: and if they do, how can you +honestly hinder them from having any children? + +The stonemason had rudely struck out the cardinal issues of the +question. + +PHILOSOPHER. Well, to take the last point first, there are physical and +ethical questions involved in it, which it is hard to discuss before +such an audience as this. + +STONEMASON. But you must discuss 'em, if you wish us to change our ways, +and stop breeding. + +PHILOSOPHER. Very well: perhaps you are right. But, again, I should +first have to establish a basis for my arguments, by showing that the +conception of marriage entertained by you all is a low one. It is not +simply a breeding matter. The beauty and value of the relation lies +in its educational effects--the cultivation of mutual sentiments and +refinements of great importance to a community. + +STONEMASON. Ay! Very beautiful and refining to Mr. and Mrs. Philosopher, +but I'd like to know where the country would have been if our fathers +had held to that view of matrimony? Why, ain't it in natur' for all +beings to pair, and have young? an' you say we ain't to do it! I think a +statesman ought to make something out of what's nateral to human beings, +and not try to change their naturs. Besides, ain't there good of another +kind to be got out of the relation of parents and children? Did you ever +have a child yourself? + +GINX (contemplating the Philosopher's physique). HE have a youngster! He +couldn't. + +CHORUS. Ha! Ha! Ha! + +STONEMASON. I don't believe in yer humbuggin' notions. They lead to +lust and crime;--I'm told they do in France. If you yourself haven't the +human natur in you to know it, I'll tell you, and we can all tell you +that as a rule if the healthy desires of natur ain't satisfied in a +honest way, they will be in another. You can't stop eating by passin' an +act of Parleyment to stop it. And as for yer eddication and cultivation, +that makes no difference. We know something here about yer eddicated +men;--more than they think. Who is it we meet about the streets late at +night, goin' to the gay houses? Some of 'em stand near as high as you, +but that don't alter their natur. They have their passions like other +men; and eddication don't keep 'em down. Well, if that's the case, how +can you ask people of our sort to put on the curb, or make us do it? +Are we to live more like beasts than we are now, or do what's worse +than murder? I don't see no other way. Among us I tell you, sir, +three-fourths of our eddication, is eddication of the heart. We have +to learn to be human, kind, self-denyin', and I think this makes better +men, as a rule, than head-larnin'; tho' I don't despise that, neither. +But you don't suppose head-citizens would fight for their country like +men with wives and children behind 'em; why they don't even at home work +for daily food like a man with wife and babies to provide for! + +The stonemason was above his class--one of those shrewd men that “the +people called Methodists” get hold of, and use among the lower orders, +under the name of “local preachers;” men who learn to think and speak +better than their fellows. The Philosopher testified some admiration by +listening attentively, and was about to reply, but the Chorus was tired, +and the women would not hear him. + +CHORUS. Best get out o' this. We don't want any o' yer filhosophy. Go +and get childer' of yer own, &c., &c. + +The Philosopher and his friend departed, carrying with them unsolved the +problem they had brought. + + + + +VIII.--The Baby's First Translation. + +The stonemason had been the hero of the moment; now attention centred +on our own hero. Ginx hurried off again, but as the crowd opened +before him, he was met, and his mad career stayed, by a slight figure, +feminine, draped in black to the feet, wearing a curiously framed +white-winged hood above her pale face, and a large cross suspended from +her girdle. He could not run her down. + +NUN. Stop, MAN! Are you mad? Give me the child. + +He placed the little bundle in her arms. She uncovered the queer, ruby +face, and kissed it. Ginx had not looked at the face before, but after +seeing it, and the act of this woman, he could not have touched a hair +of his child's head. His purpose died from that moment, though his +perplexity was still alive. + +NUN. Let me have it. I will take it to the Sisters' Home, and it shall +live there. Your wife may come and nurse it. We will take charge of it. + +GINX. And you won't send it back again? You'll take it for good and all? + +NUN. O, yes. + +GINX. Good. Give us yer hand. + +A little white hand came out from under her burthen, and was at once +half-crushed in Ginx's elephantine grasp. + +GINX. Done. Thank'ee, missus. Come, mates, I'll stand a drink. + +A few minutes after, the woman of the cross, who had been up to comfort +the poor mother, fluttered with her white wings down Rosemary Street, +carrying in her arms Ginx's Baby. + + + + +PART II. WHAT CHARITY AND THE CHURCHES DID WITH HIM. + + + + +I.--The Milk of Human Kindness, Mother's Milk, and the Milk of the Word. + +The early days of his residence at the Home of the Sisters of Misery, +in Winkle Street, was the Eden of Ginx's Baby's existence. Themselves +innocent of a mother's experiences, the sisters were free to give +play to their affections in a novel direction, and to assume a sort of +spiritual maternity that was lucky for the changeling. He was nestled +in kind serge-covered arms: kisses rained upon him from chaste lips. A +slight scandal thrilled the convent upon the discovery of his sex, which +had of course been a pure matter of conjecture to Sister Pudicitia +when she rescued him; but enthusiasm can overcome anything. The awkward +questions foreshadowed in the discovery were left to be considered when +their growing importance should demand upon them the judgment of the +archbishop. Visions of an unusual sanctity to be fostered in the pure +regions of the convent, and to be sent on a mission into the world +to attest the power of their spiritual discipline, began to haunt the +brains of the sequestered nuns. Might not this infant be an embryo +saint, destined for a great work in the heretical wilderness out of +which he had come? How little healthy food the brains must have had +wherein these insane dreams were excited by our innocent baby! Hardly +did the sacred spinsters forecast what was in store for them when he +should be teething. + +But Ginx's Baby was in a religious atmosphere, and that is always +surcharged with electricity. His lot must have been above that of any +other human being if he could long have remained in such a climate +unvisited by thunder. The mother had been permitted to attend at the +Home with the same regularity as the milkman, to discharge her maternal +duties. Then with the rise of the visionary projects just mentioned the +gravest doubts began to agitate the fertile and casuistic mind of the +Lady Superior. The holier her ideal St. Ginx of the future, the more to +be deplored was any heretical taint in the present. Holy mother! Was +it not perhaps eminently perilous to his spiritual purity that an +unbeliever like Mrs. Ginx should bring unconsecrated milk into the +convent to be administered to this suckling of the Church! In her +uneasiness she appealed to Father Certificatus, the conventual +confessor. He gave his opinion in the following letter:-- + +“DEAR SISTER SUSPICIOSA, + +“The very grave question you have put to me has given me +much anxiety. It could not but do so since it occupied, I knew, so +fully your own holy reflections. I pondered it during the night while +I repeated one hundred Aves on my knees, and I think the Blessed Virgin +has vouchsafed her assistance. + +“I understood you to say you thought that the physical health of the +infant, so singularly and miraculously thrown upon your care, +required the offices of his heretic mother, and yet that you felt how +inconsistent it was with the noble future we contemplate for him, that +he should receive unorthodox lacteal sustentation. In this you are but +following the usage of the Church in all ages, for She has ever enjoined +the advantage of infusing Her doctrines into Her children with the +mother's milk. + +“Three courses only appear to me to be open to us. First, we may try to +work upon the mother's feelings, and on behalf of her child induce her +to avail herself of the inestimable privileges of the Church in which +he is fostered. Secondly, should she repel us--and these lower class +heretics are even brutally refractory--we might at least allure her to +allow us to make with holy water the sign of the Cross upon the natural +reservoirs of infant nourishment each time before she approaches the +infant. This, besides overcoming the immediate difficulty and securing +for the child a supply of sanctified food, might open the way for the +entrance into her own bosom of the milk of the word. Thirdly, should she +reject these proposals, I see nothing for it but to forbid her to +have access to her infant, and, commending him to the care of the Holy +Mother, to feed him with pap or other suitable nourishment, previously +consecrated by me in its crude state, and prepared by the most holy +hands of your community. Thus we may hope to shield the young soul in +its present freshness from contact with carnal elements. + + “Your loving Father in, &c., + “CERTIFICATUS.” + + +On receiving this letter the Superioress conferred not with flesh and +blood, but sent for Mrs. Ginx. That worthy woman was not enchanted with +her child's position. I have hinted that her faith was simple, but in +proportion to its simplicity it was strongly-rooted in her nature. 'Tis +not infrequent to find it so. Lengthy creeds and confessions of faith +are apt to extend the strength and fervor of belief over too wide a +surface. In the close frame of some single article will be concentrated +the whole energy of the soul. The first formula, “Repent and believe +in the Lord Jesus Christ,” was maintained with a heat that became less +intense, though more distributed, in the insertion of an Athanasian +creed. Mrs. Ginx's creed was succinct. + +Mrs. GINX'S PRIMARY CREED. + + I believe in God, giver of bread, meat, money, and health. + +This she maintained, with indifferent ritual and devotional observances. +But there was to Mrs. Ginx's faith a corollary or secondary creed, only +needed to meet special emergencies. + +Mrs. GINX'S SECONDARY CREED. + + 1. I believe in the Church of England. + 2. I believe in Heaven and Hell. + 3. (A negative article) I hate Popery, priests, and the Devil. + + +When her husband made his fatal gift to the nun, this third article of +his wife's belief, or unbelief, stirred up and waxed aggressive. + +Said the Lady Superior, “My good woman, your child thrives under the +care of Holy Mother Church.” + +“Yes'm, he thrives well,” replies Mrs. Ginx, repeating no more of Sister +Suspiciosa's sentence, “an' I've 'ad more milk than ever for the darlin' +this time, thank God.” + +“And the Holy Virgin.” + +“I dunno about her,” cries Mrs. Ginx emphatically, perhaps not seeing +congruity between a virgin and the subject of thankfulness. + +“And the Holy Virgin,” repeated the nun, “who interests herself in all +mothers. She has thus blessed you that your child may be made strong for +the work of the Church. Do you not see a miracle is worked within you to +prove Her goodness? This, no doubt, is an evidence to you of Her wish to +bless you and take you for Her own. I beseech you listen to Her voice, +and come and enter Her fold.” + +“If you mean the Virgin Mary, mum, I ain't a idolater, beggin' yer +parding,” says Mrs. Ginx; “an' tho' I wouldn't for the world offend +them as has been so kind to my child, an' saved it from that deer little +creetur bein' thrown over Wauxhall Bridge--an' Ginx ought to be ashamed +of hisself, so he ought--I ain't Papish, mum, and I ain't dispoged, with +twelve on 'em there at home all Protestant to the back bone, to turn +Papish now, an' so I 'ope an' pray, mum,” says Mrs. Ginx, roaring and +crying, “you ain't agoin' to make Papish of my flesh an' blood. O dear! +O dear!” + +The Lady Superior shut her ears; she had raised a familiar spirit and +could not lay it. She temporized. + +“You know your husband has given the child to us. It will be called the +infant Ambrosius.” + +“Dear, dear!” sighed Mrs. Ginx, “what a name!” + +“We wish him to be kept from any worldly taint, and by-and-by his +saintliness may gain you forgiveness in spite of your heretical +perversity. I cannot permit you to give him unconsecrated milk, and as +we wish to treat you kindly, the holy Father Certificatus has allowed me +to make an arrangement with you, to which you can have no objection--I +mean, that you should let me make the sign of the cross upon your +breasts morning and evening before you suckle your infant. You will +permit me to do that, won't you?” + +Conceive of Mrs. Ginx's reply, clothed in choice Westminster English: +it asserted her readiness to cut off her right hand, her feet, to be +hanged, drowned, burned, torn to pieces, in fact to withstand all the +torments ascribed by vulgar tradition to Roman Catholic ingenuity, +and to see her baby “a dead corpse” into the bargain, before she would +submit her Protestant bosom to such an indignity. + +“No, mum!” she said; “I couldn't sleep with that on my breast;” and +cried hysterically. + +This lower class heretic WAS “brutally refractory.” So thought the +Superioress, and so gave Mrs. Ginx notice to come no more. She went home +rather jubilant--she was a martyr. + + + + +II.--The Protestant Detectoral Association. + +Ginx's baby was now fed on consecrated pap. But his mother was not a +woman to be silent under her wrongs. From her husband she hid them, +because the subject was forbidden. She poured out her complaint to Mrs. +Spittal and other Protestant matrons. Thus it came to pass that one +day, in Ginx's absence, the good woman was surprised by a visit from a +“gentleman.” He was small, sharp, rapid, dressed in black. He opened his +business at once. + +“Mrs. Ginx? Ah! I am the agent of the Protestant Detectoral +Association.” + +Mrs. Ginx wiped her best chair and set it for him. + +“By great good fortune the secretary received only half an hour ago +intelligence of the shocking instance of Papal aggression of which you +have been the victim.” + +To hear her case put so grandly was honey to Mrs. Ginx. + +“Well now,” continued the little man, “we are ready to render you every +assistance to save your child from the claws of the Great Dragon. I wish +to know the exact circumstances--let me see--(opening a large pocket +book) I have this memorandum: the child was carried off from his +mother's bedside in broad daylight by a nun accompanied by two priests +and a large body of Irish: is that a correct version?” + +“Law, no, sir, it warn't quite like that,” said Mrs. Ginx. “We've 'ad +so many on 'em that Ginx was for drownin' the thirteenth”----The little +man opened his eyes---- + +“An' he went and gave it away, sir,” said she crying, “to a nun, +sir--ah! ah! ah!--they won't let me see the darlin' now, sir--ah! ah! +ah! because I won't let Missis Spishyosir mark me with the cross, sir, +an' me with as fine a breast o' milk as ever was for 'im, sir--ah! ah! +ah!” + +“Hem!” said the little man, “that's different from what I understood.” + +He was quite honest, but who does not know how disappointing it is to +find a wrong you wish to redress is not so bad as you had hoped? + +However, it looked bad enough, and might be made worse. It was the very +case for the Protestant Detectoral Association. + +“Would Mr. Ginx not join in an effort to recover his child?” + +“No, sir; I should think not: he went an' gave it away.” + +“I know; but he is a Protestant?” + +“I don't think he be much o' anything, sir. I know he hate priests like +pison, but he don't care about these things as I do.” + +“Oh! I see.” Writes in his memorandum book--husband indifferent. + + +“But don't you think he would help you to get the child back again?” + +“No, sir. I wouldn't speak of it to him for the world. He'd knock any +one down if they was to mention the child to him.” + +The little man mentally determined not to see Ginx. + +“Well; would you like to have your child back?” + +“You see, I couldn't bring it 'ere, sir. Ginx won't 'ave it; but I'd +like to see it took away from them nunnerys.” + +“Ha! very well then. We can perhaps manage it for you. You would be +content to hand it over to some Protestant Home, where it would be taken +care of and you could see it when you liked?” + +“O yes, sir,” cries Mrs. Ginx, brightening. + +“Then we'll have an affidavit and apply for a Habeas Corpus.” + +It was impossible not to be satisfied with such words as these, whatever +they meant and Mrs. Ginx was cheered, while the little man went on his +way. + + + + +III.--The Sacrament of Baptism. + +Mother, or “Mrs.” Suspiciosa, fed Ginx's Baby with holy pap. It seemed +proper now that he should be christened and formally received into +the Church. No small stir was made by this ceremony, for which all the +resources of the convent were called into action. The day selected was +that sacred to St. Ambrosius. The chapel was decorated with flowers. +Mass was celebrated, candles flamed upon the altar surrounding a figure +of the Infant Jesus, incense was burning around the baby, sisters and +novices knelt in serried rows of virginity + + “like doves + Sunning their milky bosoms on the thatch.” + +Mother Suspiciosa carried the infant, clothed in a pure white robe, +with a red cross embroidered on its front. In the absence of the natural +parent a wax figure of St. Ambrosius did duty for him, and another wax +figure stood godfather: but I dare not enter into details of matters +that may be looked at as awfully profane, or awfully solemn, by +different spectators. These things are a mystery. + +I have no hesitation about describing the impious behavior of little +Ginx. Whatever swaddled infant could do in the way of opposition, with +hands, and legs, and voice, was done by that embryo saint. The incense +made him cough and sputter; the lights and singing raised the very devil +within him. His cries drowned the prayers. He frightened his conductress +by the redness of his face. He ruined the red cross with ejected matter. +You would have taken him for an infant demoniac. Mother Suspiciosa, +though annoyed, was encouraged. She looked upon this as an evident +testimony to little Ginx's value. The devil and St. Michael were +contending for his body. At length he was baptized, and carried out. +Credat Judaeus. He instantly sank into a deep sleep. It was a miracle: +Satan had yielded to the sign of the cross! + + + + +IV.--Law on Behalf of Gospel. + +In the moment of Sister Suspiciosa's triumph, the enemy was laying his +train against her. The little man made his report to the secretary of +the Protestant Detectoral Association. This gentleman was well-born +and well-bred; moved to work in this “cause” by an honest hatred of +superstition, priestcraft, and lies; now giving all his energies to the +ambitious design of pulling down the strongholds of Satan. In any other +matter he could act coolly, and with deliberation; in this he was an +enthusiast. He had a keen Roman nose. He could scent a priest +anywhere in the United Kingdom. He could smell Jesuitry in the Queen's +drawing-room, a cabinet council or convocation, though he had never +been at either. His eye was beyond a falcon's; he saw things that +were invisible. It penetrated through all disguises. He knew a secret +emissary of the Pope by the cock of his hat, or the color of his +stockings. At least, he thought so, and thousands of persons acted on +his estimate of himself. + +“This case,” said he to the little man, when he had concluded his +report, “though not in its first incidents so grave as we were led to +expect, is, in another point of view, very serious. Here is a man, as +you have expressed it, 'indifferent' to his child's life--animal and +spiritual. The mother, with a true Protestant heart, and a fine breast +of milk, is longing to nurture her child, and to deliver it from the +toils of the Papacy. But the husband, what's his name?.... Ginx--Ginx? a +very bad name for a case, by the way--GINX'S CASE!--this Ginx has given +up his child to the Sisters of Misery. How are we to get it away again, +without his cooperation?.... Well, we must try.” + +The solicitor of the Association was forthwith summoned. When the matter +had been laid before him, he expressed doubts, offered and withdrew +courses of action, and ended by suggesting that he should take the +opinion of counsel. + +“Mr. Stigma, I suppose?” said he to the secretary. + +“Oh, yes, Sir Adolphus Stigma is one of our principal supporters, and +his son's heart is thoroughly with us.” + +Messrs. Roundhead, Roundhead and Lollard, drew up a case to be submitted +to Mr. Stigma. I will only transcribe the latter paragraphs:-- + + +Mr. Ginx being indifferent, and Mrs. Ginx being ready to assist in +regaining the custody of her child, to be conveyed to a Protestant Home, + + “YOU ARE REQUESTED TO ADVISE: + +“1. Whether a summons should be taken out before a magistrate against +the Lady Superior of the convent, for enticing away or detaining the +infant, under the 56th sect. of 24 and 25 Vict., c. 100 Or, + +“2. Whether the proper remedy is by a writ of Habeas Corpus? and, if +so, whether it is necessary that the father should be joined in the +proceedings or his leave obtained to prosecute them? Or, failing these, + +“3. Whether counsel is of opinion that this is a case within Talfourd's +Act, and an application might not be made to the Lord Chancellor, or +the Master of the Rolls, on the mother's behalf for the custody of her +child? And, + +“4. To advise generally on behalf of the infant.” + + +Mr. Adolphus Stigma took ten days to consider. Meanwhile, the infant +Ambrosius continued to thrive on conventual pap. Then Mr. Stigma wrote +his opinion. It was a model for a barrister. You took the advice at your +own peril--not his. Therefore I transcribe it. + + “OPINION. + +“I have given to this case my most careful attention; and it is one of +great difficulty. Having regard to the questions put to me, I think-- + +“1. Section 56 of the Act of 24 and 25 Vict., c. 100, appears at first +sight to be directed against the stealing and abduction of children for +marriage, or other improper purposes. It provides that 'Whosoever shall +UNLAWFULLY, either by force or fraud, lead or take away, or decoy, +or entice away, or detain any child, &c., with intent to deprive ANY +parent, &c., of the possession of such child'--shall be guilty of +felony. It is perfectly clear, that in the case before me, the infant +was not, 'by force or fraud, led or taken away, or decoyed, or enticed +away.' The statute, however, uses the word 'detain;' and this, it +appears to me, has much the same force and intention as the previous +words. It is to be noted, however, that it is separated from them by +the disjunctive 'or;' and, therefore, it might be argued with some +plausibility that any act of forceful or fraudulent detention, after +notice, by persons who have originally acquired a child's custody in +a lawful way, came within the section. The point is new, and of great +importance; and if the Protestant Detectoral Association feel disposed +to try it, they would do so under favorable circumstances in the present +case. Should they decide to do so, a written demand should be served +upon the authorities of the convent, by the mother, or some one acting +on her behalf, to give up the infant. + +“2. The second question is also involved in difficulty. Were the father +to be joined in the proceedings, the writ of Habeas Corpus would be +the correct remedy. But his probable refusal necessitates the inquiry +whether the mother can alone apply for the writ. The general rule of law +is, that the father is entitled to the custody and disposition of his +children. In Cartlidge and Cartlidge, 31, L. J., P. M. & D. 85, it was +held that this rule would not be generally departed from by the Divorce +Court; but in Barnes v. Barnes, L. R. I, P. & D. 463, the court made +an order, giving the custody of two infant children to the mother, +respondent in a suit for a dissolution of marriage, on the ground that +the mother's health was suffering from being deprived of their society, +and that they were living with a stranger, and not with the father. +These cases were, however, in the Divorce Court, and do not apply. But, +as there seems to be much ground in the peculiar circumstances here, +for arguing that the mother should have the custody of the child, or, +at least, that it should not be left to that of persons of a different +religion from both parents, an application might be made to the Queen's +Bench to try the question. + +“3. Should the common law remedies fail, resort may perhaps be had to +the powers in Chancery under Talfourd's Act, but on this point I should +like to confer with an equity counsel before giving a decided opinion. +It has been decided under this Act that the court has power to give the +custody of children under seven to the mother. (Shillito v. Collett, 8, +W. R. 683-696.) As this infant is but six weeks old it comes within that +case. + +“4. I have no general advice to give on behalf of the infant. + + “ADOLPHUS STIGMA, + “9, Plumtree Court.” + + +If none of the courses suggested by Mr. Stigma was very decided, Messrs. +Roundhead, Roundhead and Lollard were not sorry to have three strings to +their bow. The Detectoral Association were good clients; most of their +funds went into their lawyers' pockets. It was part of their policy +to be litigious. Thereby the world was kept alive to the existence of +Papacy within its bosom. Who shall say the Association were wrong? +Some healthy daylight was occasionally let in upon the mysteries of +Jesuitism, and there are people who think that worth while at the risk +of a chance injustice. Though the Devil should not get his due, few +would give him any sympathy. + +The solicitor at once instructed Mr. Dignam Bailey, Q.C., to apply with +Mr. Stigma to a magistrate for a summons. Mr. Bailey, Q.C., was not +chosen for his partialities. In religious matters he was a perfect +Gallio; but he was like St. Paul in one particular, he could be all +things to all men. + + + + +V.--Magistrate's Law. + +The personnel of the magistrate to whom Mr. Dignam Bailey, Q. C., (with +him Mr. Adolphus Stigma), applied in the case of re an infant, +exparte Ginx, is not material to this history. He was like his fellow +stipendiaries--mild as to humor, vigilant in his duties, opinionated +in his views, resenting the troublesome intrusion into his court of +a barrister, apt to treat him with about one-eighth of the courtesy +extended to the humblest junior by the Queen's Bench, and curiously +unequal both with himself and his brother magistrates in adjusting +punishment. It will be most convenient to insert the report of the Daily +Electric Meteor:-- + + “WESTMINSTER. + +“Mr. Dignam Bailey, Q.C., (with whom was Mr. Adolphus Stigma), applied +for a summons against Mary Dens, commonly called Sister Suspiciosa, of +the convent of the Sisters of Misery, in Winkle Street, for abducting +and detaining a male child of John Ginx and Mary his wife. + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY. On whose behalf do you apply? + +“The learned counsel stated that he was instructed by the Protestant +Detectoral Association to apply on behalf of the mother. The case +was also watched by the solicitors of the Society for Preventing the +Suppression of Women and Children. + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY. Does the father join in the application? + +“Mr. BAILEY. No, sir. + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY. Why? He ought to be joined if living. + +“Mr. BAILEY. Perhaps you will allow me, sir, to state the case. The +circumstances are peculiar. The fact is---- + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY. I cannot understand why the father should not be +represented if the child has been abducted. Where was it taken from? + +“Mr. Bailey proceeded to state that the child had been taken by a nun +from No. 5, Rosemary Street, without the mother's consent, and was now +imprisoned in the convent. The father appeared to be indifferent, or +to have given a sort of general acquiescence. This was Mrs. Ginx's +thirteenth child, around whom gathered the concentrated affections + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY (interrupting the learned gentleman). We have no time +for sentiment here, Mr. Bailey. If the father consented, can you call it +abduction? It looks like reduction. (Laughter.) + +“Mr. Bailey called attention to the consolidated statutes of criminal +law, and said he was going for illegal detention rather than abduction, +and argued at great length from section 56. At the conclusion of the +argument, after refusing to hear Mr. Stigma, + +“Mr. D'Acerbity said that the case clearly did not come within the +section, and he was afraid the learned counsel knew it. The father had +been a consenting party, on the counsel's own statement, to the child's +removal, and no suggestion had been made that he had withdrawn his +consent. He should refuse a summons. + +“Mr. Bailey endeavored to address the magistrate but was stopped. + +“Mr. D'ACERBITY. I have no more to say. You can apply to the Queen's +Bench. I have no sympathy with you whatever.” + +Mr. D'Acerbity's law was good, but--what has justice to do with +“sympathies?” Surely the day after this report appeared the magistrate +must have had a letter from the Home Secretary? + + + + +VI-Popery and Protestantism in the Queen's Bench. + +The application to the magistrate was far from satisfactory. There had +not even been an exposure, and the Windmill Bulletin gayly bantered the +Detectoral Association. Meanwhile had happened the grand christening, +of which a circumstantial account was in the hands of the council of the +Detectoral Association shortly after the ceremony had been performed. +Here was a monstrous indignity to a Protestant child! The account was at +once printed, together with a verbatim report of the application to the +magistrate as well as one of “a conversation held with the mother by +an agent of the Association.” Board-men paraded the great thoroughfares +carrying this appeal:-- + +PROTESTANT DETECTORAL ASSOCIATION. + + NO POPERY! + Abduction Of an Infant! + Assault on the Liberty of the Subject! + Mysterious and Awful Proceedings! + Baptism of a Protestant Child in a Convent! + + OUTRAGE + Upon the Nation by Foreign Mercenaries! + Every Father and Mother is Invited to Co-operate in + Maintaining the + PROTESTANT RELIGION, + The Sanctity of Home, and the Inviolability of + BRITISH FREEDOM! + + NO SURRENDER! + + +If there was no coherency in this production, it should be noted how +little that is of the essence of popular appeal. The metropolis was in +an uproar. Meetings were held, subscriptions poured in, dangerous crowds +collected in Winkle Street. When Mr. Dignam Bailey, Q. C., went down to +Westminster, to move the Court of Queen's Bench, multitudes besieged it. +Protestant champions and Papal ecclesiastics vied in their efforts to +get seats. The writ had gone from judge's chambers returnable to +the full court. Sister Suspiciosa, bearing the infant Ambrosius, and +supported by two novices and Father Certificatus, had been smuggled into +court through mysterious passages in its rear. Mrs. Ginx also, brought +from Rosemary Street by the little man who provided her with a bonnet +trimmed with orange-colored ribbons, sat staring with red eyes at her +child, now enveloped in a robe that was embroidered with little crosses. + +Why need I tell you, how dead silence fell upon the Court after the stir +caused by the entrance of the judges; how everybody knew what was coming +when a master beneath the bench rose, and called out, “Re Ginx, +an infant, Exparte Mary Ginx!” How the Chief Justice, fresh and +rosy-looking, then blew his nose in a delicate mauve-colored silk +handkerchief: how he tried and discarded half-a-dozen pens, amid +breathless silence; how in his blandest manner he said: “Who appears +for the Respondent?” and Mr. Dignam Bailey, Q. C., and Mr. Octavius +Ernestus, Q. C., rose together to say that Mr. Ernestus did! + +Mr. Ernestus was a Catholic. He was assisted by half-a-dozen counsel. +He riddled the affidavits on the other side, and read voluminous ones on +his own; bitterly animadverted upon the absence of an affidavit by the +father; held up to the scorn of a civilized world the course pursued +towards his meek and gentle clients by the “fanatical zealots of the +Protestant Detectoral Association;” in moving tones referred to the +shrinking of “quiet recluses, from the gaze of a rude, unsympathizing +world;” cited cases from the time of Magna Charta, down; called upon the +Court to vindicate Protestant justice, ending his peroration with the +aphorism of Lord Mansfield, Fiat justitia ruat caelum. + +One cannot do Justice to Mr. Dignam Bailey's argument, when after lunch +he rose to reply. He was logical and passionate, vindictive and pathetic +by turns. He inveighed against the Lady Superior, against her attorneys, +against Father Certificatus, against Ginx,--“craven to his heaven-born +rights of political and religious freedom,”--against the Roman Catholic +religion, the Pope, the Archbishop of Westminster, the Virgin Mary. The +Court knew, and every one else knew, that this was pure pyrotechny, +and Mr. Bailey knew that best of all; but, though the Bench is swift to +speak, slow to hear, it felt obliged, in a case of this public interest, +to sit by, and be witnesses of the exhibition. Mr. Bailey concluded by a +play on the aphorism cited by his learned friend. “He would say that if +such justice were to be done, as his friend had urged, the Kingdom of +Heaven in England would rush to its fall.” + +The Court at once decided that, as the father had confided the custody +of the infant to the Sisters of Misery, and did not appear to desire +that it should be withdrawn, they, disregarding the religious clouds in +which the subject had been too carefully involved on both sides, gave +judgment for the defendant, with costs. + +As they passed out of Court, Mr. Stigma said to his clients, “Quite as I +anticipated; you remember I told you so in my Opinion.” + + + + +VII.--A Protestor, but not a Protestant. + +The infant Ambrosius and his conductors could scarcely reach the convent +in safety. The building showed few windows to the street, but they were +all broken. What might have happened in a few days, but that Ginx's Baby +took the matter into his own hands, none can say. + +The treatment to which the little saint was subjected soured his temper. +His kind nurses had choked him twice a day with incense, and now he had +inhaled for seven hours the air of the Queen's Bench. On his return to +the convent he was hastily fed, and carried to the chapel to give thanks +for the victory of the day. Wrapped in a handsome chasuble, they laid +him on the steps of the altar. In the most solemn part of the service +he coughed, and grew sick. The chasuble was bespattered. When the +officiating priest, to save that garment, took the child in his arms, he +nefariously polluted the sacerdotal vestments and the altar steps. Then +he kicked toward the altar itself, roared lustily, and finally went +into convulsions in Sister Suspiciosa's arms. Like most women, the Lady +Superior required her enthusiasm to be fed with success. She began +to think that she had been cozened: Ginx's Baby was too evidently a +spiritual miscarriage. He must, like the rest of his family, be, indeed, +“Protestant to the backbone.” Father Certificatus agreed with her. His +robes and best chasuble were befouled. + +“Let us not risk a repetition of this conduct,” said he; “let the child +be given up. He is baptized, and cannot be severed from the Church. He +will return after many days.” + +Next morning the solicitors of the Protestant Detectoral Association +received a letter from their opponents. In this they said +that--presuming Messrs. Roundhead, Roundhead, and Lollard, intended to +apply to the Master of the Rolls, the authorities of the convent had +decided, after having vindicated themselves in the Queen's Bench, to +give up the child, which would be, for twenty-four hours, at the order +and disposal of the Association, and afterwards of his parents. “We are +instructed by our clients,” they added, “to ask you to bear in mind that +the child has been admitted, and is a member of the Catholic Church, +owing allegiance to the Holy Father at Rome, a bond from which only the +Papal excommunication can absolve him.” + + + + +VIII.--“See how these Christians love one another.” + +A mass-meeting of Protestants had been summoned for three o'clock on the +day designated in the letter of the Papist attorneys, to be held in the +Philopragmon Hall. That was the favorite centre of countless movements, +both well-meant and well-executed, and of others as futile as they were +foolish. Yet one could not say that a larger proportion of the latter +were connected with the Hall than existed in as many other human +enterprises of any sort. The concession of the Romanists at first dashed +the managers of the demonstration. Their grievance was gone. Still there +remained topics for a meeting: they would rejoice over victory, and +consult about the future of the Protestant Baby. + +The Secretary was an old hand at these meetings. He planned to import +into this one a sensation. Ginx's Baby, brought from the convent, +stripped of his papal swathings and enveloped in a handsome outfit +presented by an amiable Protestant Duchess, was placed in a cradle with +his head resting on a Bible. I am afraid he was quite as uncomfortable +as he had ever been at the convent. When, at the conclusion of the +chairman's speech, in which he informed the audience of their triumph, +this exhibition was deftly introduced upon the platform, the huzzas, and +clappings, and waving of handkerchiefs were such as even that place had +never seen. The child was astounded into quietness. + +Mr. Trumpeter took the chair--believed by many to be, next to the Queen, +the most powerful defender of the faith in the three kingdoms. I never +could understand why the newspapers reported his speeches--I cannot. + +When he had done, Lord Evergood, “a popular, practical peer, of sound +Protestant principles,” as the Daily Banner alliteratively termed him +next morning, rose to move the first resolution, already cut and dried +by the committee-- + +“That the infant so happily rescued from the incubus of a delusive +superstition, should be remitted to the care of the Church Widows' and +Orphans' Augmentation Society, and should be supported by voluntary +contributions.” + +Before Lord Evergood could say a word murmurs arose in every part of +the hall. He was a mild, gentlemanly Christian, without guile, and the +opposition both surprised and frightened him. He uttered a few sentences +in approval of his proposition and sat down. + +An individual in the gallery shouted--“Sir! I rise to move an +amendment!” + +Cheers, and cries of “Order! order! Sit down!” &c. + +The Chairman, with great blandness, said: “The gentleman is out of +order; the resolution has not yet been seconded. I call upon the Rev. +Mr. Valpy to second the resolution.” + +Mr. Valpy, incumbent of St. Swithin's-within, insisted on speaking, but +what he said was known only to himself. When he had finished there was +an extraordinary commotion. On the platform many ministers and laymen +jumped to their feet; in the hall at least a hundred aspirants for a +hearing raised themselves on benches or the convenient backs of friends. + +The Chairman shouted, “Order! ORDER, gentlemen! This is a great +occasion; let us show unanimity!” + +There seemed to be an unanimous desire to speak. Amid cheers, cries +for order, and Kentish fire, you could hear the Rev. Mark Slowboy, +Independent, the Rev. Hugh Quickly, Wesleyan, the Rev. Bereciah Calvin, +Presbyterian, the Rev. Ezekiel Cutwater, Baptist, calling to the chair. + +A lull ensued, of which advantage was taken by Mr. Stentor, a well-known +Hyde Park orator, who bellowed from a friend's shoulders in the pit, +“Mr. Chairman, hear ME!” an appeal that was followed by roars of +laughter. + +What was the matter? Why the proposal to hand over the baby to an +Anglican refuge stirred up the blood of every Dissenter present. It was +lifting the infant out of the frying-pan and dexterously dropping him +into the fire. But the chairman was accustomed to these scenes. +He stayed the tumult by proposing that a representative from each +denomination should give his opinion to the audience. “Whom would they +have first?” + +The loudest cries were for Mr. Cutwater, who stood forth--a weak, +stooping, half-halting, little man, with a limp necktie, and trousers +puffy at the knees--but with honest use of them, let me say. It is quite +credible that if Dr. Watts's assertion be true that-- + + “Satan trembles when he sees + The weakest saint upon his knees,” + +that arch-enemy was unusually perturbed when Ezekiel Cutwater was upon +his. On these he had borne manly contests with evil. Two things--yea, +three--were rigid in Ezekiel's creed; fire would never have burned +them out of him: hatred of Popery, contempt of Anglican priestcraft and +apostolic succession, and adhesion to the dogma of adult baptism and +total immersion. Whoso should not join with him in these let him be +Anathema Maranatha. + +His eye kindled as he looked at the seething audience. “Sir,” said he, +“I beg to move an amendment to the motion of the noble lord. (Cheers.) +That motion proposes to transfer to the care of the Established Church +this tender and unconscious infant (bending over Ginx's baby), just +snatched from the toils of a kindred superstition. (Oh, oh, hisses and +cheers.) I withdraw the expression; I did not mean to be offensive. +(Hear.) This is a grand representative meeting--not of the English +Church, not of the Baptist Church, not of the Wesleyan Church--but of +Protestantism. (Cheers and Kentish fire.) In such an assembly is it +right to propose any singular disposition of a representative infant? +This is now the adopted child, not of one, but of all denominations. +(Cheers.) Around his, or her--I am not sure which--cherubic head +circle the white-winged angels of various Churches, and on her or him, +whichever it may be----” + +The Chairman said that he might as well say that he had authentic +information that it was HIM. + +“Him then--concentrate the sympathies of every Protestant heart. Let us +not despoil the occasion of its greatness by exhibiting a narrow bigotry +in one direction! Let us bring into this infantile focus the rays of +Catholic unity. (Loud cheering and Kentish fire.) To me, for one, it +would be eminently painful to think--what doubtless would occur if the +motion is adopted--that within a week of his entrance into the asylum of +the society named in it, this diminutive and unknowing sinner should +go through the farce of a supposititious admission into the Church of +Christ. (Oh!) Yes! I say a farce, whether you regard the age of the +acolyte or the indifferent proportion of water with which it would be +performed. (Uproar, oh, oh! and some cheering from the Baptist section.) +But I will not now further enter into these things,” said Mr. Cutwater, +who knew his cue perfectly well, “I can hold these opinions and still +love my brethren of other denominations. I move, as an amendment, that a +committee, consisting of one minister and one layman to be selected +from each of the Churches, be appointed to take charge of the physical +well-being and mental and spiritual training of the infant.” + +By this proposition, which was received with enthusiasm, Ginx's Baby was +to be incontinently pitched into an arena of polemical warfare. +Every one was willing that a committee should fight out the question +vicariously; and, therefore, when Mr. Slowboy seconded the amendment, it +was carried with loud acclamations. + +But they were not yet out of the wood. On proceeding to nominate members +of the committee, the Unitarians and Quakers claimed to be represented. +The platform and the meeting were by the ears again. It was fiercely +contended that only Evangelical Christians could have a place in such +a work, and many of the nominees declared that they would not sit on a +committee with--well, some curious epithets were used. The Unitarians +and Quakers took their stand on the Catholic principles embodied in the +amendment, and on the fact that Ginx's Baby had now “become national +Protestant property.” Mr. Cutwater and a few others, moved by the +scandal of the dispute, interfered, and the committee was at length +constituted to the satisfaction of all parties. It was to be called “The +Branch Committee of the Protestant Detectoral Union for promoting the +Physical and Spiritual Well-being of Ginx's Baby.” + +A fourth resolution was adopted, “That the subject should be treated in +the Metropolitan pulpits on the next Sabbath, and a collection taken up +in the various churches for the benefit of the infant.” This promised +well for Master Ginx's future. + +The meeting had lasted five hours, and while they were discussing him +the child grew hungry. In the tumult every one had forgotten the subject +of it, and now it was over, they dispersed without thought of him. +But he would not allow those near him at all events to overlook his +presence. + +Some, foreseeing that awkwardness was impending, slipped away; while +three or four stayed to ask what was to be done with him. + +“Hand him over to the custody of the Chairman,” said a Mr. Dove. + +“I should be most happy,” said he, smoothly, “but Mrs. Trumpeter is out +of town. Could your dear wife take him, Mr. Dove?” + +Mr. Dove's wife was otherwise engaged. + +The Secretary was unmarried--chambers at Nincome's Inn. + +In the midst of their distress a woman who had been hanging about the +hall near the platform, came forward and offered to take charge of him, +“for the sake of the cause.” Every one was relieved. After her name and +address had been hastily noted, the Protestant baby was placed in her +arms. My Lord Evergood, the Chairman, the clergy, the Secretary, and the +mob went home rejoicing. Some hours after, Ginx's Baby, stripped of the +duchess's beautiful robes, was found by a policeman, lying on a +doorstep in one of the narrow streets, not a hundred yards behind the +Philopragmon. By an ironical chance he was wrapped in a copy of the +largest daily paper in the world. + + + + +IX.--Good Samaritans, and Good-Samaritan Twopences. + +At every breakfast-table in town next morning the report of the great +Protestant meeting was read, and a further report, in leaded type, +of the discovery of Ginx's Baby at a later period of the evening by a +policeman. A pretty comment on the proceedings! The Good Samaritan put +his patient on his ass and carried him to an inn; while the priest and +the Levite, though the latter looked at him, at least let him alone. To +have called a public meeting to discuss his fate before deserting him, +would have been a refinement of inhumanity. The committee were rather +ashamed when they met. Instant measures were taken to recover the child +and place him in good hands. The duchess again provided baby-clothes. +The next Sunday sermons were preached on his behalf in a score of +chapels. The collections amounted to L 800, a sum increased by donations +and subscriptions to the handsome total of L 1360 10s. 3 1/2d. + +It will be seen hereafter what the committee did with the baby, but I +happen to have an account of what became of the funds. They were +spent as follows, according to a balance sheet never submitted to the +subscribers:-- + + Pounds s. d. + Committee-rooms............. 45 0 0 + 2 Secretaries employed by the + Committee................ 120 0 0 + Agents, canvassing, &c.......... 88 6 2 + Printing Notices, Placards, + Pamphlets, a “Daily Bulletin of + Health,” “Life of Ginx's Baby,” + “Protestant Babyhood, a Tale,” + “The Cradle of an Infant Martyr,” + “A Snatched Brand,” and other + Works issued by the Committee...... 596 13 5 + Advertisements of Meetings, + Sermons, &c............... 261 1 1 + Legal Expenses............... 77 6 8 + Stationery................ 35 10 0 + Postage, Firing, and Sundries....... 27 19 2 + ---------------- + Total Pounds 1251 16 6 + + +This left L 108 13s. 9 1/2d. for the baby's keep. No child could have +been more thoroughly discussed, preached and written about, advertised, +or advised by counsel; but his resources dwindled in proportion to these +advantages. Benevolent subscribers too seldom examine the financial +items of a report: had any who contributed to this fund seen the balance +sheet they might have grudged that so little of their bounty went to +make flesh, bone, and comfort for the object of it. A cynic would tell +them that to look sharply after the disposal of their guerdon was half +the gift. Their indifference was akin to that satirized by the poet-- + + “Prodigus et stultus dedit quae spernit et odit.” + +In an age of luxury we are grown so luxurious as to be content to pay +agents to do our good deeds for us; but they charge us three hundred per +cent. for the privilege. + + + + +X.--The Force--and a Specimen of its Weakness. + +Ginx's baby had been discovered by a policeman swaddled in a penny +paper, distressingly familiar to metropolitan travellers by rail. +To omit the details of his treatment at the hands of that great +institution, “The Force,” would be invidious. The member thereof who +fell in with him was walking a back street, sighting doors with his +bull's-eye. He was provided with massive boots, so that a thief +could hear him coming a hundred yards off; he was personally tall and +unwieldy, and a dexterous commissioner had invented a dress designed to +enhance these qualities--a heavy coat, a cart-horse belt, and a round +cape. He had been carefully drilled not to walk more than three miles an +hour. He was not a little startled when the rays of his lamp fell upon +a struggling newspaper, out of which, as from a shell, came mysterious +cries. He took up a corner of the paper and peeped in upon the face +of Ginx's Baby; then he occupied a quarter of an hour in embarrassing +reflections. A nearly naked child crying in the cold ought to be housed +as soon as possible, but X 99 was ON HIS BEAT, and those magic words +chained him to certain limits. This, of course, was the rule under a +former commissioner, and every one knows that such absurd strategy +has been abolished in the existing regime. At that time, however, each +watchman had his beat, to leave which was neglect of duty, except with +a prisoner, and then it was neglect of all the householders within the +magic compass. Had X 99 heard the baby crying across the street, which +was part of the beat of X 101, he would have passed on with a cheery +heart, for the case would have been beyond his jurisdiction. Unhappily +the baby was on his beat, and he was delivered from the temptation of +transferring it to the other by the appearance of X 101's bull's-eye not +far off. What was he to do? The station was a mile away--the inspector +would not arrive for an hour--and it would be awkward, if not +undignified, to carry on his rounds a shouting baby wrapped in the +largest daily paper. If he left it where it was, and it perished, he +might be charged with murder. He was at his wits' end--but having got +there, he resolved on the simplest process, namely to carry it to +the station. No provision was made by the regulations of the force to +protect a beat casually deserted even for a proper purpose. Hence, while +X 99 was absent on his errand of mercy, the valuable shop of Messrs. +Trinkett and Blouse, ecclesiastical tailors, was broken into, and +several stoles, chasubles, altar-cloths and other decorative tapestries +were appropriated to profane uses. + +At the station the baby was disposed of according to rule. Due entry +was first made in the night-book by the superintendent of all the +particulars of his discovery. Some cold milk was then procured and +poured down the child's throat. Afterwards, wrapped in a constable's +cape, he was placed in a cell where, when the door was locked, he could +not disturb the guardians of the peace. + +The same night, in the next cell, an innocent gentleman, seized with +an apoplexy in the street but entered in the charge-sheet as drunk and +incapable, died like a dog. + + + + +XI.--The Unity of the Spirit and the Bond of Peace. + +When the committee met, every one discovered his incongruity with the +rest. Each was disposed to treat Ginx's Baby in a different way--in +other words, each wished to reflect the views of his particular sect +on the object of their charity. They were a new “Evangelical Alliance,” + agreed only in hatred to Popery. + +Finding at their first meeting that the discussion needed to be brought +into a focus, the committee appointed three of their number to draw up +a minute of the matters to be argued. This committee reported that there +arose, respecting the child, the following questions:-- + + “I. As touching the body: + + a. Wherewithal he should be fed and clothed? + + b. In what manner and fashion that should be done? + + II. As touching the mind and spirit: + + a. Whether he should be educated? If so, + + b. What were to be the subjects of instruction? + + c. What creed, if any, should be primarily taught? + + d. Should he be further baptized? If so, + + 1. Into what communion? + + 2. By what ceremonial?” + + +This programme, it appeared to its concoctors, embraced everything that +concerned Ginx's Baby except his death by the act of God or the Queen's +enemies. No sooner was the report made than adopted. Then a member, +eager for the fray, moved the postponement of the first division of +questions until the others had been determined. Why should apostles of +truth trouble themselves to serve tables? These were very subordinate +questions to them--though, I think, of first importance to Ginx's Baby. +It was decided to discuss little Ginx's future before considering his +present. + +The ball was opened by the Venerable Archdeacon Hotten, who, amid much +excitement, contended that from the earliest buddings of thought in +an infant mind religion should be engrafted upon it; there could be no +education worth the name that was not religious. That with the A should +be taught the origin, and with the Z the final destiny and destruction, +of evil. To separate education from religion was to clip the wings of +the heavenly dove. He asserted that the committee ought at once to have +the child baptized in Westminster Abbey, though he was rather of opinion +that the previous baptism was canonically valid; that he should be +taught the truths of our most holy faith, and since there could be +no faith without a creed, and the only national creed was that of the +Church of England, the baby should be handed over to the care of a +clergyman, and then be sent to a proper religious school. He need not +say that he excluded Rugby under its then profane management. + +The Church was, however, divided against itself, for the Dean of Triston +said he would give more latitude than his very reverend brother. You +ought not to define in an infant mind a rigid outline of creed. In fact, +he did not acknowledge any creed, he was not obliged to by law and was +disinclined to by his reason. He would rather allow the inner seeds of +natural light--the glorious all-pervading efflorescence of the Deity +in all men's hearts, to grow within the young spirit. The Dean was +assuredly vague and far less earnest than his brother cleric. + +The “Rev.” Mr. Bumpus, Unitarian, met the suggestions of the +Archdeacon with the scorn they merited. It was impossible to apply to +a representative child of an enlightened age theories so long exploded. +The Dean had certainly come nearer the truth with that broad sympathy +for which he was noted. He himself proposed that the child should be +made a model nursling of the liberalism of a new era. Old things were +passing away;--all things had become new. Creeds were the discarded +banners of a mediaeval past, fit only to be hung up in the churches, and +looked at as historic monuments; never more to be flaunted in the front +of battle! The education of the day was that which taught a man the +introspection whereby he recognized the Divine within himself--under +any aspect, under any tuition, whether of Brahma, Confucius, or Christ. +Truth was kaleidoscopic, and varied with the media through which it +was viewed. As for the child, every aspect of truth and error should be +allowed to play upon his mind. Let him acquire ordinary school learning +for fifteen years, and then send him to the London University. + +Here the Chairman, and half-a-dozen members of the committee, protested +that the said University was a school of the devil, and several +interchanges of discourtesy took place. + +Mr. Shortt, M. P., begged to suggest, as a matter of business, that for +the present the child was not capable of receiving any ideas whatever, +and might die, or prove to be dumb, or an idiot, and so require no +education. Ought they not to postpone this discussion until the subject +was old enough to be worth consideration? + +It was Mr. Shortt's habit to show his practical vein by business-like +obstructions of this kind. He had been able a score of times to +demonstrate to the House of Commons how silly it was to consider +probabilities. In fact, he was opposed heart and soul to prophetic +legislation; he would live, legislatively, from hand to mouth. + +But the committee would not allow Mr. Shortt to run away with the bone +of contention. + +The Rev. Dr. M'Gregor Lucas, of the National Caledonian Believers, had +been silent too long to contain himself further. This man needs some +particular description whenever his name is made public. Nay, for this +he lives, and by it, some think. At all events, he appears to be +equally eager for rebuke and applause; they both involve notoriety, and +notoriety is sure to pay. Few absurdities had been overlooked by his +shallow ingenuity. Simply to have invested his limited mental endowments +in trying to make the world believe him a genius, would have been only +so like what many thousands are doing as to have absolved him from too +harsh a judgment; but he traded in perilous stuff. Cheap prophecy was +his staple. It was his wont to give out about once in five years, that +the world would shortly come to an end, and, like Mr. Zadkiel, he +found people who thought their inevitable disappointment a proof of his +inspiration. Had you heard the honeyed words dropping from his lips, you +would have taken him for a Scotch angel, and, consequently, a rarity. +Could such lips utter harsh sayings, or distil vanities? Show him a +priest, and you would hear! The Pope was his particular born foe; Popery +his enemies' country--so he said. It was safe for him to stand and throw +his darts. No one could say whether they hit or did not; while most +spectators had the good will to hope that they did. How he would +have lived if Daniel and St. John had dreamed no dreams, one cannot +conjecture. As it was, they provided the doctor with endless openings +for his fancy. Since no one could solve the riddle of their prophecies, +it was certain that no one could disprove his solutions. Yet these came +so often to their own disproof by lapse of time, that I can only think +that the good doctor hoped to die before his critical periods came, or +was so clever as to trust the infallibility of human weakness. + +I describe Dr. Lucas at so great a length, because it will be easier +and more edifying to the reader to conceive what he said, than for me to +recount it. He showed the Baby to be one of seven mysteries. He was in +favor of teaching him at once to hate idolatry, music, crosses, masses, +nuns, priests, bishops, and cardinals. The “humanities,” the Shorter +Catechism, the Confession of Faith, and “The whole Duty of Man,” would, +in his opinion, be the books to lay the groundwork in the child's mind +of a Christian character of the highest type. + +Mr. Ogle, M. P., here vigorously intervened. Said he:-- + +“I can't, with all deference, agree to any of these suggestions. They +involve hand-to-hand fighting over this baby's body. No one of us is +entitled to take charge of him. Else why did we all unite to rescue him +from the nunnery? He will be torn to pieces among contending divines! +I think a purely secular education is all that as a committee we should +aim at. We have, but just withdrawn the child from the shadow of a +single ecclesiastical influence--would you transfer it to another? Every +Protestant denomination is contributing to his support, how can you +devote their gifts to rearing him for one? You would have no peace; +better at once treat him as the man of Benjamin treated his wife, cut +him up into enough pieces to send to all the tribes of Israel, summoning +them to the fight. I say we have nothing to do with this just now; let +him be educated in a secular academy, and let each sect be free to send +its agents to instruct him out of school hours as they please.” + +The Rev. Theodoret Verity, M.A., rose in anger. + +“Surely, sir, you cannot seriously propound such a scheme! Would you +leave this precious waif to be buffeted between the contending waves +of truth and error, in the vague hope that by some lucky wind he might +finally be cast upon a rock of safety? I protest against all these +educational heresies--they are redolent of brimstone. Truth is truth, +or there is none at all. If there be any, it is our duty to impart it to +this immortal at the outset of his existence. Secular education! What do +you mean by it? Who shall sever one question from another, and call one +secular and the other religious? Is not every relation and every truth +in some way or other connected with religion?” &c. &c. Mr. Verity has +been saying the same thing any time these forty years. + +“Forgive me,” replied Mr. Ogle, “if I say that this is very vague +talking. I have not proposed to sever one question from another. I only +propose to do in a different way that which is being done now by the +most rigid of Mr. Verity's friends. It is impossible to comprehend what +is meant by such a statement as that every truth is somehow connected +with religion. It may be that the notion--if it really is not, as I +suspect it to be, mere verbiage and clap-trap, used by certain fools +to mislead others--means that there is some such coherency between all +truths as there is, for instance, between the elements of the body. I +would admit that, but is not blood a different and perfectly severable +thing from bone? Each has its place, office, relation. But who would say +that one could not be regarded by a physicist in the largest variety of +its aspects apart from the other? Yet the physicist comes back again +to consider with respect to each its relations to all the rest! The +separate study has rather prepared him for more profound insight into +those relations. Thus it is with the body of truth. In spite of Mr. +Verity I affirm that there are truths that have not in themselves any +element of religion whatever. The forty-seventh proposition of Euclid +will be taught by a Jesuit precisely as it is taught in the London +University; geography will affirm certain principles and designate +places, rivers, mountains--that no faith can remove and cast into +unknown seas. These subjects and others are taught in our most bigoted +schools in separate hours and relations from religion. What then do +you mean by affirming that there can be no secular education of this +child--apart from religious teaching? We are not likely to agree, if +I may judge from what I have seen, on any one method of religious +instruction for it, therefore I wish first to fix common bounds within +which our common benevolence may work. Well, we all go to the Bible. +We agree that between its covers lies religious truth somewhere. If you +like let him have that--and let him have some kindly and holy influences +about him in the way of practice and example, such as many of our sects +can supply many instances of. Give him no catechism--let him read a +creed in our daily life. The articles of faith strongest in his soul +will be those which have crystallized there from the combined action +of truth and experience, and not as it were been pasted on its walls by +ecclesiastical bill-posters. 'What is truth?' he must ask and answer for +himself, as we all must do before God. Don't mistake me; I hope I am not +more indifferent to religion than any here present--but I differ from +them on the best method of imbuing the mind and heart with it. Surely +we need not, we cannot--it would be an exquisite absurdity--pass a +resolution in this committee that the child is to be a Calvinist! Who +then would agree to secure him from any taint of Arminian heresy in +years to come? Dare you even resolve that he shall be a Christian and a +Protestant! I would not insure the risk. But, with so many of Christ's +followers about me, surely, surely without providing any ecclesiastical +mechanism, there will be testified to him simply how he may be saved. +Your prayers, your visits, your kindly moral influence and talk, +your living example of a goodness derived not from dogmas but from +affectionate following of a holy pattern and trust in revealed mercies, +your pointing to that pattern and showing the daily passage of these +mercies will prompt his search after the truth that has made you what +you are. Let some good woman do for him a mother's part, but choose +her for her general goodness and not for the dogmas of her church. The +simpler her piety the better for him I should say!” + +This straightforward speech fell like a new apple of discord in the +midst of the committee. Angry knots were formed, and the noble chairman +found that he could not restore order. An adjournment was agreed to. +Luckily for the body of Ginx's Baby, he had been meanwhile sent to a +home where Protestant money secured to him for the time good living, +while his benefactors were discussing what to do with his soul. + +***** + +Surely, it were no impertinence to interrupt this history and advert to +the fact, that, in the discussion just related, every one was to some +extent right and to some extent agreed. + +That religious teaching was due to an immortal spirit--some notion +and evidence of the Divine and the Great Hereafter to be conveyed to +it--scarce was disputed. Nor was there collision over the necessity +of what is called intellectual cultivation. The boy must be taught +something of the world in which he was to live; nay, this latter +knowledge seemed to be most immediately practical. As each disputant +fixed his eye on one or the other aim that end appeared to him to be the +most important. Hence, by a natural lapse, they came to treat subjects +as antagonistic which were, in fact, parallel and quite consistent. The +one called the others godless--the others threw back the aspersion +of bigotry. Then came complication. What was “religion?” Intellectual +culture they could agree about--it embraced well-known areas; but this +religion divided itself into many disputable fields. These brother +Protestants were like country neighbors who must encounter each other at +fairs, markets, meets, and balls, and smile and greet, though each, at +heart, is looking savagely at the other's landmarks, and most are very +likely fighting bitter lawsuits all the while. It was because religion +meant CREED to most members of the committee, and because it so implies +to the vast bodies they represented, that they could not come to terms +about Ginx's Baby or any other infantile immortal. Not always, perhaps, +but often, they fought for futile distinctions. Had Mahomet's creed +consisted of but one article, There is one God, the blood of many +nations might never have given testimony against the creed they resented +when to it he tacked and Mahomet is His prophet. Could Protestants but +consent to agree in their agreement and peacefully differ in their petty +differences, how would the aggregated impulse of a simple faith roll +down before it all the impediments of error! + +When Ginx's Baby had grown to a discretionary age, and was at all able +to know truth from error--supposing that to be knowable--there were +in the country fifty thousand reverend gentlemen of every tincture of +religious opinion who might ply him with their various theories, yet few +of these would be contented unless they could seize him while his young +nature was plastic, and try to imprint on immortal clay the trade-mark +of some human invention. + + + + +XII.--No Funds--no Faith, no Works. + +The Committee of the Protestant Detectoral Union on Ginx's Baby held +twenty-three meetings. They were then as far from unity of purpose as +when they set out. Variety was given to the meetings by the changing +combinations of members in attendance. The finances were little +heeded in the intensity of their zeal for truth. These at length fell +altogether into the hands of the association's secretary, and we have +seen involved large items of expense. The twenty-three meetings +extended over a year. At the end of that time the secretary startled the +committee by laying on the table a demand for the board and keep of the +Protestant baby for three months, amounting to L 36; and adding that the +sum in hand was L 1, 4s. 4 1/2d. In his report he said: “No effort has +been spared by means of advertisements, pamphlets, tales, leaders +and paragraphs in newspapers and religious journals, together with +occasional sermons, to maintain the public interest in this child; but +attention has been diverted from him by the great Roman Spozzi case, +and the anxiety created throughout the Protestant world by the recent +discovery made by Dr. Gooddee, of a solitary survivor of the ancient +Church of the Vieuxbois Protestants in a secluded valley of the +Pyrenees.” + +The secretary asked the committee to provide the money to discharge the +baby's liabilities; but they instantly adjourned, and no effort could +afterwards get a quorum together. When the persons who had charge of the +Protestant foundling discovered the state of affairs they began to dun +the secretary and to neglect the child, now about thirteen months +old and preparing to walk. Since no money appeared they sold whatever +clothes had been provided for him, and absconded from the place where +they had been farming him for Protestantism. The secretary, by chance +hearing of this, was discreet enough to make no inquiries. Ginx's Baby, +“as a Protestant question,” vanished from the world. I never heard that +any one was asked what had been done with the funds; but I have already +furnished the account that ought to have been rendered. + + + + +XIII.--In transitu. + +One night, near twelve o'clock, a shrewd tradesman, looking out of his +shopdoor before he turned into bed, heard a cry which proceeded from a +bundle on the pavement. This he discovered to be an infant wrapt in a +potato-sack. He was quick enough to observe that it had been deftly laid +over a line chiselled across the pavement to the corner of his house, +which line he knew to be the boundary between his own parish of St. +Simon Magus and the adjacent parish of St. Bartimeus. He took note, +being a business man, of the exact position of the child's body in +relation to this line, and then conveyed it to the workhouse of the +other parish. + + + + +PART III. WHAT THE PARISH DID WITH HIM. + + + + +I.--Parochial Knots--to be untied without prejudice. + +The infant borne to the workhouse of St. Bartimeus was Ginx's Baby. When +he had been placed on the floor of the matron's room, and examined by +the master, that official turned to the unwelcome bearer of the burden. + +“Did you find this child?” + +“Yes.” + +“Where?” + +“Lying opposite my shop in Nether Place.” + +“What's your name?” + +“Doll.” + +“Oh! you're the cheesemonger. Your shop's on the other side of the +boundary, in the other parish. The child ought not to come here; it +doesn't belong to us.” + +“Yes it does: it wasn't on my side of the line.” + +“But it was in front of your house?” + +“Well, the line runs crossways: it don't follow the child was in our +parish.” + +“Oh, nonsense! there's no doubt about it! We can't take the child in. +You must carry it away again.” + +Mr. Snigger turned to leave the room. + +“Wait a bit, sir,” said Mr. Doll; “I shall leave the child here, and you +can do as you like with it. It ain't mine, at all events. I say it lay +in your parish; and if you don't look after it you may be the worse of +it. The coroner's sure to try to earn his fees. Good-night.” + +He hurried from the room. + +“Stop!” shouted the master, “I say: I don't accept the child. You +leave it here at your own risk. We keep it without prejudice, +remember--without prejudice, sir!--without----” + +Mr. Doll was in the street and out of hearing. + + + + +II.--A Board of Guardians. + +The Guardians of St. Bartimeus met the day after Mr. Doll's clever +stratagem. Among other business was a report from the master of the +workhouse that a child, name unknown, found by Mr. Doll, cheesemonger, +of Nether Place, in the Parish of St. Simon Magus, opposite his shop, +and, as he alleged, on the nearer side of the parish boundary, had been +left at the workhouse, and was now in the custody of the matron. The +Guardians were not accustomed to restrain themselves, and did not +withhold the expression of their indignation upon this announcement. As +Mr. Doll had himself been a guardian of St. Simon Magus, it was clear +to their impartial minds that he was trying by a trick to foist a +bastard--perhaps his own--on the wrong parish. + +Mr. Cheekey, a licensed victualler, moved that the master's report be +put under the table. + +Mr. Slinkum, draper, seconded the motion. + +Mr. Edge, ironmonger, pointed out that there was no parliamentary +precedent for such a disposition of the report, and, further, that such +action did not dispose of the baby. + +“Well,” said Mr. Cheekey, turning painfully red, “no matter how ye put +it, I move to get rid of the brat. What's the best form of motion?” + +A churchwarden, who happened to be a gentleman, explained that the Board +could not dismiss the question in so summary a way. “He could foresee +that there might be a nice point of law in the case. They would have to +take some legal means of ascertaining their liabilities, and of forcing +the other parish to take the child if they ought to do so. They must +consult their solicitor.” This gentleman was sent for post haste. +Meanwhile the baby was ordered to be brought in for inspection. The +matron had handed him over to a sort of half-witted inmate of the house, +whose wits, however, were strangely about him at the wrong time, +to nurse and amuse him. This person brought Ginx's Baby into the +Board-room, and placed him on the table. The Board of Guardians took a +good look at him. He was not then in fair condition. He was limp, he +was dirty, hollow in the cheeks, white, stiff in his limbs, and +half-naked--(to be regardless of gender)-- + + “Pallidula, rigida, nudula.” + + +“Hum!” said Mr. Stink, who was a dog-breeder--“What's his pedigree?” + +This brutal joke was well received by some of the Guardians. + +“His pedigree,” answered the half-wit, gravely, “goes back for three +hundred years. Parients unknown by name, but got by Misery out o' +Starvashun. The line began with Poverty out o' Laziness in Queen +Elizabeth's time. The breed has been a large 'un wotever you thinks of +the quality.” + +This pleasantry was less acceptable to the Board. + +“Well,” said Mr. Scoop, grocer, a great stickler for parliamentary modes +of procedure, “I move it be committed.” + +“Committed! Where?” said Mr. Stink. + +“To Newgate I s'pose,” said the half-wit, his eyes twinkling. + +“Nonsense, sir,--for consideration. Send that man out,” exclaimed +Scoop--“clear the room for consultation.” + +Davus was expelled, and the baby was then formally consigned to the care +of a committee. By this time the legal adviser came in. The facts having +been stated to him, he said: + +“Gentlemen, as at present advised I am of opinion that the parish in +which the child was found is bound to maintain him. If Mr. Doll (a +highly respectable person, my own cheesemonger) found the child beyond +the boundaries of St. Simon Magus--and he will of course swear that he +did--you cannot refuse to take it in. However, I had better ascertain +the facts from Mr. Doll and take the opinion of counsel. Meanwhile we +must beware not to compromise ourselves by admitting anything, or doing +anything equivalent to an admission. Let me see--Ah!--yes--a notice to +be served on the other parish repudiating the infant; another notice +to Mr. Doll to take it away, and that it remains here at his risk and +expense--you see, gentlemen, we could hardly venture to return it to +Mr. Doll; we should create an unhappy impression in the minds of the +public--” + +“D--n the public!” said Mr. Stink. + +“Quite so, my dear sir,” said Mr. Phillpotts, smiling, “quite so, but +that is not a legal or in fact practicable mode of discarding them; we +must act with public opinion, I fear. Then, to resume, thirdly and to be +strictly safe, we must serve a notice on the infant and all whom it may +concern. I think I'll draft it at once.” + +In a few minutes the committee in charge pinned to the only garment of +Ginx's Baby a paper in the following form:-- + + +PARISH OF ST. BARTIMEUS. + +To ---- ---- (name unknown), a Foundling, and all other persons +interested in the said Foundling. + +TAKE NOTICE + +That you, or either of you, have no just or lawful claim to have you +or the said infant chargeable on the said Parish. And this is to notify +that you, the said infant, are retained in the workhouse of the said +Parish under protest, and that whatsoever is or may be done or provided +for you is at the proper charge of you, and all such persons as are and +were by law bound to maintain and keep the same. + + WINKLE & PHILLPOTTS, + Solicitors for the Board. + + + + +III.--“The World is my Parish.” + +When Mr. Phillpotts called upon Doll, the cheesemonger, the latter +straightway gave him the facts as they had occurred. He pointed out +the exact spot on which the bundle had lain; he gave an estimate of the +number of inches on each side of the line occupied by it, and declared +that the head and shoulders of the infant lay in the parish of the +solicitor's clients. Ginx's Baby, under the title “Re a Foundling,” was +once more submitted for the opinion of counsel. They advised the Board +that as the child was in both parishes when found, but had been taken +up by a ratepayer of St. Simon Magus, the latter parish was bound to +support him. Whereupon the Guardians of St. Bartimeus at their next +meeting resolved that the Vestry of the other parish should have a +written notice to remove the child, failing which application should be +made to the Queen's Bench for a mandamus to compel them to do it. + +On receiving the challenge the Guardians of St. Simon Magus also took +counsel's opinion. They were advised that as the greater part, and +especially the head of the infant, was when discovered in the parish +of St. Bartimeus, the latter was clearly chargeable. Both parties +then proceeded to swear affidavits. The Attorney-General and +Solicitor-General, the two great law-officers of the crown, were +retained on opposite sides, and took fees--not for an Imperial +prosecution, but as petty Queen's Counsel in an inter-parochial +squabble. + + + + +IV.--Without prejudice to any one but the Guardians. + +The Court of Queen's Bench, after hearing an elaborate statement from +the Attorney-General, granted a rule nisi for a mandamus. This rule was +entered for argument in a paper called “The Special Paper,” and, the +list being a heavy one, nearly a year elapsed before it was reached. It +was then again postponed several times “for the convenience of counsel.” + +The Board of St. Bartimeus chafed under the law's delay. They became +morbidly sensitive to the incubus of Ginx's Baby, especially as +the press had been reviewing some of their recent acts with great +bitterness. The Guardians were defiant. Having served their notices, +they were induced by Mr. Stink to resolve not to maintain the infant. +The poor child was threatened with dissolution. Thus, no doubt, many +difficulties in parochial administration are solved--the subject +vanishes away. The baby was kept provisionally in a room at the +workhouse. On the outside of the door was a notice in fair round-hand:-- + +NOTICE. + + +DOLL'S FOUNDLING. + +Pending the legal inquiry into the facts concerning the above infant, +and a decision as to its settlement, all officials, assistants, and +servants of the workhouse are forbidden to enter the room in which it +is deposited, or to render it any service or assistance, on pain of +dismissal. No food is to be supplied to it from the workhouse kitchen. + +N.B. This is not intended to prevent persons other than officials, &c., +from having access to the infant, or assisting it. + +BY ORDER OF THE BOARD. + + +That any body of human beings, other than Patagonians, could have +coolly contemplated such a result as must have followed upon the strict +performance of this order, would be incredible except in the instance of +the Guardians of St. Bartimeus. There was nothing they could not do--or +leave undone. Fortunately for Ginx's Baby, the order was disobeyed. +Occasionally lady visitors went to look at him and give him some +food--he was toddling about the room on unsteady legs--but charity +seemed to be appalled by the official questions hanging about this +child. The master, Snigger, whose business it was every day to ascertain +whether the cause of the great parochial quarrel was in, or out of, +existence, became a traitor to the Board. When the child grew hungry and +dangerously thin, he brought bottles of pap prepared by Mrs. Snigger, +and administered it to him. No conclusions to the disfavor of the Board +were to be drawn from this conduct, for Snigger was particular to say to +the boy in a loud voice, each time he fed him:-- + +“Now, youngster, this is without prejudice, remember! I give you due +notice--without prejudice.” + +Who, in Master Ginx's situation, would have had any prejudices to such +action, or have expressed them even if they were entertained? He took no +objection as he took the pap; while Snigger was glad to be able to do an +unusual kindness without compromising the parish. + +Thus things had gone on for many months, when one day an eye of that +Argus monster, the Public, was set upon Ginx's Baby. A well-known +nobleman, calling at the workhouse to see a little girl whom he had +saved from infamy, as he passed down a corridor was arrested by the +notice on the door of our hero's room. Curiosity took him in, and horror +chained him there for some time. Had he not entered, Ginx's Baby, spite +of Snigger, would in twenty-four hours have ceased to supply facts +to history. He was suffering from low fever, and his condition was as +sensationally shocking as any reporter could have wished. Out rushed +the peer for a doctor, took a cab to a magistrate and detailed the whole +case, to be repeated in next morning's papers. Penny-a-liners ran to the +spot, wrote vivid descriptions of the baby and the room, and transcribed +the notice. The Guardians were drubbed in trenchant leaders and +indignant letters. They, instead of bending to the storm, strove to +confront it, and passed angry resolutions of a childish and grotesque +character. The few of them who possessed any sense of propriety were +railed at in the meetings till they ceased to attend. The uproar outside +increased. Why did not the President of the Poor-Law Board interfere? At +last he did interfere: that is, instead of visiting the scene himself, +and satisfying his own eyes as to the truth of what his ears had heard, +a process that would have taken a couple of hours, he appointed a +gentleman to hold an inquiry. The Guardians became furious. The reports +of their proceedings read like the vagaries of a lunatic asylum or the +deliberations of the American Senate. They discharged Snigger for breach +of orders, substituting a relative of Mr. Stink. They put a lock on the +door, and passed food to the Baby by a stick. A committee was appointed +to see him fed, and they forwarded a memorial to the Poor-Law Board, +stating that “he daily had more food than he could possibly eat, and +was in admirable condition.” They refused to allow any doctor but one +employed by themselves to see him. They procured from him a certificate +that the noble busybody and his physician had made a mistake, and that +all the functions of life in the infant appeared to be in perfect order. +Then came the gentleman, and the inquiry, and his report, and a letter +from the Poor-Law Board, and further discussions and more letters, until +the bewildered public gnashed its teeth at the Minister, the Guardians, +and the law, and wished them all at Land's End or beyond it. + + + + +V.-An Ungodly Jungle. + +The case of the Guardians of St. Bartimeus against the Guardians of St. +Simon Magus was at length reached. The argument lasted for two days. +There is a grim work, the short title whereof is “Burns's Justice,” in +five fat volumes, from which the legal Dryasdust turns aghast. In one of +these portentous books, title “Poor,” pp. 1200, the inquisitive may +find a code unrivalled by the most malignant ingenuity of former or +contemporary nations: a code wherein, by gradual accretion, has been +framed a system of relief to poverty and distress so impolitic, so +unprincipled, that none but the driest, mustiest, most petrified +parish official could be expected to lift up his voice to defend it; +so complicated that no man under heaven knows its length or breadth +or height or depth; yet it stands to this hour a monument of English +stolidity--a marvel of lazy or ignorant statesmanship. Imagine, if you +please, a Lord Chief Justice and three Puisnes, all keen, practical men, +alive to public policy and the common weal, eager to extricate the truth +and do the right, plunging into this “ungodly jungle,” thwarted at +every turn, in search of justice for Ginx's Baby. With all his patient +industry and lightning quickness of apprehension, the Chief Justice +found it hard to reconcile past and present, or evolve from the vast +confusion anything consistent with his moral instincts.--Clear the +board, gentlemen. True regenerative legislation will begin by drawing +away the rubbish. Reform means more than repair. Mend, patch, take down +a little here, prop up some tottering nuisance there, fill in gaping +chinks with patent legislative cement, coat old facades with bright +paint, hide decay beneath a gloze of novelty, titivate, decorate, +furbish--and after all your house is not a new one, but a whited +sepulchre shaking to decay. Repair? There is a Repair party, +intermediating between Tories and Reformers--Radicals or Rooters let us +call these latter if you like--who cling to “vested interests” and all +other sorts of antique nuisances, yet say they are willing to improve +them. REFORM, which means, Pull down with bold statesman's hand, and +with like hand REBUILD, is no darling of your political Repairer. Call +the party and the men by their right names: and give me for utility in +legislation or administrative action an Old Tory and Obstructive party +rather than this middling, meddling, muddling Repairer-- + + “Eager to change yet fearful to destroy.” + +Just now all Social Reformation, in its noblest aims and attempts, +is fettered by the Repair party. What is termed Sanitary Reform is +enfeebled, and the vigor withdrawn from it, by this party. “Vested +rights,” “the Liberty of the people,” “Interference with personal +freedom,” “EXPENSE,”--these are the watchwords of the Repairer in +opposition to him who, pointing to the pallor and fever of a hundred +neighborhoods, calls upon a ministry to cleanse them with imperial +force. + +A comprehensive scheme of National Education is seized and +half-throttled by the Repair party. “Oh! utilize what there is; improve +on and tack to the denominational system; avail yourself of the jealousy +of sects; see what a grand building that has already erected! True, it +is not large enough; true, it is badly built; but repair that, and add +wings. It will cost you ever so much to rebuild--Repair!” + +The methods of relief to the Poor are old, cumbrous, unequal, as stupid +as those who administer them. Forth steps the Reformer, and cries +out--“Clear this wrack away! Get rid of your antiquated Bumbledom, your +parochial and non-parochial distinctions, your complicated map of local +authorities; re-distribute the kingdom on some more practical system, +redress the injustice of unequal rating, improve the machinery and +spirit of relief, and so on.” You have the Repair party shouting its Non +possumus as loudly as any other arch-obstructive: “Heaven forbid! Queen +Elizabeth and the Poor Laws for ever! To the rescue of Local Government +and Vested Interests! Repair!” + +Some one with a long head and a divinely-warmed heart, searching vainly +for help to thousands in the packed alleys of his English Home, sends +his quick glance across seas to rich lands that daily cry to heaven for +strong arms that wield the plough and spade. “Ho!” he shouts, “Labor +to Land--starvation to production--death unto life!” and he calls +upon every statesman and patriot to help the good work, and give their +energies to frame an Emigration Scheme. Then the Repair party foams: +“Send away the Labor, the source of our wealth? No. Mend the +condition of the laborer; give him the sop of political rights--free +breakfasts--the ballot. Give State funds to alter social conditions? No. +Improve the methods of local assistance to Emigration; it is a temporary +remedy--Repair!” + +Thus, according to the gospel of this party, everything must be subject +of restoration only. Like antiquarians, they utter groans over the +abolition of anything, however ugly it may be, however unfitted for +human uses, and with however so elegant a piece of artistry you desire +to displace it. For them a Gilbert-Scott politician, reverential +restorer of bygone styles, enthusiastic to conserve and amend the +grotesque Gothic policies of the past, rather than some Brunel or +Stephenson statesman, engineering in novel mastery of circumstances--not +fearful to face and conquer even the antique impediments of Nature. Give +me a trenchant statesman, or I pray you leave legislation alone. Better +things as they are than patched to distraction. + +At length, by means of some delicate legal adjustments, the judges +saw their way to affirming that Ginx's Baby's parish was that of St. +Bartimeus, and refused the rule for a mandamus. + + + + +VI.--Parochial Benevolence--and another translation. + +The authorities of St. Bartimeus did not take kindly to the charge +imposed upon them by the Queen's Bench. Some of the Guardians privately +hinted to the master that it was unnecessary to overfeed the infant. +They did not burthen him with much clothing, and what he had was shared +with many lively companions. When you, good matron, look at your little +pink-cheeked daughter, so clean and so cosy in her pretty cot, waking +to see the well-faced nurse, or you, still sweeter to her eyes, watching +above her dreams, perhaps you ought to stop a moment to contrast the +scene with the sad tableaux you may get sight of not far away. + +***** + +Ginx's Baby was not an ill-favored child. He had inherited his father's +frame and strength: these helped him through the changes we are +relating. What if these capacities had, by simple nourishing food, +cleanly care-taking, and brighter, kindlier associations, been trained +into full working order? Left alone or ill-tended they were daily +dwindling, and the depreciation was going on not solely at the expense +of little Ginx, but of the whole community. To reduce his strength +one-half was to reduce one-half his chances of independence, and to +multiply the prospects of his continuous application for STATE AID. + +The money spent in stopping a hole in a Dutch dyke is doubtless better +invested than if it were to be retained until a vast breach had laid +half a kingdom under water. Surely your Hollander would agree to be +mulcted in one-third of his fortune rather than run the hazard! + +Every day through this wealthy country there are men and women busy +marring the little images of God, that are by-and-by to be part of its +public-shadowing young spirits, repressing their energy, sapping +their vigor or failing to make it up, corrupting their nature by foul +associations, moral and physical. Some are doing it by special license +of the devil, others by Act of Parliament, others by negligence or +niggardliness. Could you teach or force these people--many unconsciously +engaged in the vile work--to run together, as men alarmed by sudden +danger, and throw around a helpless generation influences and a care +more akin to your own home ideal, would you not transfigure the next +epoch--would not your labor and sacrifice be a GOD-WORK, reaching out +weighty, fruit-laden branches far into the grateful future? 'Tis by +feeling and enjoining everywhere the need of such a movement as this +that you, O all-powerful woman! can carry your will into the play of +a great economic and social reform. Society that recognizes not a +root-truth like that is sowing the wind--God knows what it will reap. + +So the Guardians, keeping carefully within the law, neglected nothing +that could sap little Ginx's vitality, deaden his happiest instincts, +derange moral action, cause hope to die within his infant breast almost +as soon as it were born. Good God! + +The items the Board were really entitled to charge the rate-payers as +supplied to our hero were-- + +Dirt, + +Fleas, + +Foul air, + +Chances of catching skin diseases, fevers, &c., + +Vile company, + +Neglect, + +Occasional cruelty, and + +A small supply of bad food and clothing. + +Every pauper was to them an obnoxious charge by any and every means to +be reduced to a minimum or nil. Ginx's Baby was reduced to a minimum. +His constitution enabled him to protest against reduction to nil. But, +just after the bills of costs had been taxed, mulcting the rate-payers +of St. Bartimeus in a sum of more than L 1,600, the Guardians were made +aware of the name and origin of their charge. One of the persons who +had deserted him was arrested for theft, and among other articles in +her possession were some of the Baby's clothes. She confessed the whole +story, and declared that the child left in Nether Place was no other +than the Protestant Baby, son of Ginx, about whom so much stir had been +made two years before. The Guardians were not long in tracing Ginx, and, +at his quarters in Rosemary Street, the hapless changeling was one day +delivered by a deputy relieving-officer, with the benediction, by me +sadly recorded-- + +“There he is, d--n him!” + +I am sure if the Guardians had been there they would have said: + +“Amen.” + + + + +PART IV. WHAT THE CLUBS AND POLITICIANS DID WITH HIM. + + + + +I.--Moved on. + +Ginx's Baby's brothers and sisters would have nothing to say to him. +Mrs. Ginx declared she could see in him no likeness to her own dear lost +one; and her husband swore that the brat never was his. The couple had +latterly been pinching themselves and their children to save enough +to emigrate. For this purpose aid and counsel were given to them by a +neighboring curate, whose name, were my pages destined to immortality, +should be printed here in golden letters. Rich and full will be his +sheaves when many a statesman reaps tares. Finding that a thirteenth +child was imposed on them by so superior a force as the law of England +the Ginxes hastened their departure. + +Their last night in London, towards the small hours, Ginx, carrying our +hero, went along Birdcage Walk. He scarcely knew where he was going, or +how he was about to dispose of his burden, but he meant to get rid of +it. On he went, here and there met by shadowy creatures who came towards +his footsteps in the uncertain darkness, and when they could see that he +was no quarry for them flitted away again into the night. + +He passed the dingy houses, since replaced by the Foreign Office, across +the open space before the Horse Guards, near the house of a popular +Prime Minister, and up the broad steps till he stood under the York +Column. The shadow of this was an inviting place, but a policeman +turning his lantern suspiciously on the man walking about at that silent +hour with a child in his arms frustrated his wish. Slowly Ginx tramped +along Pall Mall, with only one other creature stirring, as it seemed +for the moment--a gentleman who turned up the steps of a large building. +Seating the child on the bottom step and telling him not to cry, Ginx +instantly crossed the road, turned into St. James's Square, passed by +the rails, and stealing from corner to corner through the mazes of +that locality, reached home by way of Piccadilly and Grosvenor Place. +Henceforth this history shall know him no more. + + + + +II.-Club Ideas. + +Scarcely had the shadow of his parent vanished in the gloom before +Ginx's Baby piped forth a lusty protest: the street rang again. Ere long +the doors at the top of the steps swung back, and a portly form stood in +the light. + +“Halloo! what's the matter?” (This was a general observation into +space.) “Why, bless my heart, here's a child crying on the steps!” + +Another form appeared. + +“Is there nobody with it? Halloo! any one there?” + +No answer came save from poor little Ginx, but his was decided. The two +servants descended the steps and looked at the miserable boy without +touching him. Then they peered into the darkness in hope that they might +get a glimpse of his mother or a policeman. A rapid step sounded on the +pavement and a gentleman came up to the group. + +“What have we here?” he said gently. + +“It's a child, Sir Charles, I found crying on the steps. I expect it's +a trick to get rid of him. We are looking for a policeman to take him +away.” + +“Poor little fellow,” said Sir Charles, stooping to take a fair look +at Ginx's Baby, “for you and such as you the policeman or the parish +officers are the national guardians, and the prison or the poor-house +the home..... Bring him into the Club, Smirke.” + +The men hesitated a moment before executing so unwonted a demand, +but Sir Charles Sterling was a man not safely to be thwarted--a late +minister and a member of the committee. The child being carried into the +magnificent hall of the Club, stood on its mosaic floor. From above the +radiance of the gas “sunlight” streamed down over the marble pillars, +and glanced on gilded cornices and panels of scagliola. A statue of the +Queen looked upon him from the niche that opened to the dining-room; +another of the great Puritan soldier, statesman, and ruler, with +his stern massive front; and yet another, with the strong yet gentle +features of the champion Free-Trader, seemed to regard him from their +several corners. On the walls around were portraits of men who had +striven for the deliverance of the people from ancient yokes and +fetters. Of course Ginx's Baby did not see all this. He, poor boy, +dazed, stood with a knuckle in his eye, while the porter, lackeys, +Sir Charles Sterling, and others who strolled out of the reading-room, +curiously regarded him. But any one observing the scene apart might have +contrasted the place with the child--the principles and the professions +whereof this grandeur was the monument and consecrated tabernacle, with +this solitary atomic specimen of the material whereon they were to work. +What social utility had resulted from the great movements initiated by +them who erected and frequented this place? Ought they to have had, and +did they still need a complement? While wonderful political changes had +been wrought, and benefits not to be exaggerated won for many classes, +WHAT HAD BEEN DONE FOR GINX'S BABY? + +The query would not have been very ridiculous. He was an unit of the +British Empire--nothing could blot out that fact before heaven! Had +anything been left undone that ought to have been done, or done that had +well been left undone, or were better to be undone now? Of a truth that +was worth a thought. + +“What's all this?” said a big Member of Parliament, a minister renowned +for economy in matters financial and intellectual. “What are you doing +with this youngster? I never saw such an irregularity in a Club in my +life.” + +“If you saw it oftener you would think more about it,” said Sir Charles +Sterling. “We found him on the steps. I think he was asking for you, +Glibton.” + +This sally turned a laugh against the minister. + +“Well,” said another, “he has come to the wrong quarter if he wants +money.” + +“I shouldn't wonder,” said a third, “if he were one of the new +messengers at the Office of Popular Edifices. Glibton is reducing their +staff.” + +“If that's the case I think you have reached the minimum here, Glibton,” + cried Sir Charles. + +“Can't the country afford a livery?” + +“Bother you all,” replied the Secretary, who was secretly pleased to be +quizzed for his peculiarities--“tell us what this means. Whose 'lark' is +it?” + +“No lark at all,” said Sterling. “Here is a problem for you and all +of us to solve. This forlorn object is representative, and stands here +to-night preaching us a serious sermon. He was deserted on the Club +steps--left there, perhaps, as a piece of clever irony; he might be son +to some of us. What's your name, my boy?” + +Ginx's Baby managed to say “Dunno!” + +“Ask him if he has any name?” said an Irish ex-member, with a grave +face. + +Ginx's Baby to this question responded distinctly “No.” + +“No name,” said the humorist; “then the author of his being must be +Wilkie Collins.” + +Everybody laughed at this indifferent pleasantry but our hero. His bosom +began to heave ominously. + +“What's to be done with him?” + +“Send him to the workhouse.” + +“Send him to the d----” (there may be brutality among the gods and +goddesses). + +“Give him to the porter.” + +“No thank you, sir,” said he, promptly. + +The gentlemen were turning away, when Sir Charles stopped them. + +“Look here!” he said, taking the boy's arm and baring it, “this boy can +hardly be called a human being. See what a thin arm he has--how flaccid +and colorless the flesh seems--what an old face!--and I can scarcely +feel any pulse. Good heavens, get him some wine! A few hours will send +him to the d---- sure enough.... What are we to do for him, Glibton? I +say again, he is only part of a great problem. There must be hundreds +of thousands growing up like this child; and what a generation to +contemplate in all its relations and effects!” + +The gentlemen were dashed by his earnestness. + +“Oh, you're exaggerating,” said Glibton; “there can't be such widespread +misery. Why, if there were, the people would be wrecking our houses.” + +“Ah!” replied the other, sadly, “will you wait to be convinced by that +sort of thing before you believe in their misery? I assure you what +I say is true. I could bring you a hundred clergymen to testify to it +to-morrow morning.” + +“God forbid!” said Glibton. “Good-night.” + +The right honorable gentleman extinguished the subject in his own little +brain with his big hat; but everywhere else the sparks are still aglow, +and he, with all like him, may wake up suddenly, as frightened women in +the night; to find themselves environed in the red glare of a popular +conflagration. Well for them then if they are not in charge of the +State machinery. What an hour will that be for hurrying to and fro +with water-pipes and buckets, when proper forethought, diligence, and +sacrifice would have made the building fireproof. + + + + +III.--A thorough-paced Reformer--if not a Revolutionary. + +By the kindness and influence of Sir Charles Sterling, Ginx's Baby that +night, and long after, found shelter in the Radical Club. He gave +rise to a discussion in the smoking-room next evening that ought to be +chronicled. Several members of the committee supported his benefactor +in urging that the child should be adopted by the Club, as a pledge +of their resolve to make the questions of which he seemed to be the +embodied emblem subjects of legislative action. Others said that those +questions being, in their view, social and not political, were +not proper ones to give impulse to a party movement, and that +the entertainment in the Club of this foundling would be a gross +irregularity: they did not want samples of the material respecting +which they were theorizing. To some of the latter Sir Charles had been +insisting that, whether they kept the child or not, they could not +stifle the questions excited by his condition. + +“You may delay, but you cannot dissipate them. We are filling up our +sessions with party struggles, theoretic discussions, squabbles about +foreign politics, debates on political machinery, while year by year the +condition of the people is becoming more invidious and full of peril. +Social and political reform ought to be linked; the people on whom +you confer new political rights cannot enjoy them without health and +well-being.” + +“But all our legislation is directed to that!” exclaimed Mr. Joshua +Hale. “Reform, Free Trade, Free Corn--have these not enhanced the wealth +of the people?” + +“Partially; yet there are classes unregenerated by their reviving +influences. Free trade cannot insure work, nor can free corn provide +food for every citizen.” + +“Nor any other legislation: let us be practical. I own there is much to +be done. I have often stated my 'platform.' We must clip the enormous +expenditure on soldiers and ships; reduce our overweening army of +diplomatic spies and busybodies; abstain from meddling in everybody's +quarrels; redeem from taxation the workman's necessaries--a free +breakfast-table; peremptorily legislate against the custom of +primogeniture; encourage the distribution and transfer of land; and, +under the aegis of the ballot, protect from the tyranny of the landlord +and employer their tenants and workmen.” + +“Very good, perhaps, all of them,” replied Sir Charles, “but some not at +the moment possible, and all together are not exhaustive. Why do you +not go to the bottom of social needs? You say nothing about Health +legislation--are you indifferent to the sanitary condition of the +people? You have not hinted at Education--Waste Lands--Emigration--” + +“Oh! I am opposed to that altogether.” + +“I forgot, you are a manufacturer; yet the last man of whom I should +believe that selfishness had warped the judgment. You have done and +endured more than any living statesman for the advantage of your +fellow-citizens, so that I will not cast at you the aspersion of +class-blindness. Still, I can scarcely think you have looked at this +matter in the pure light of patriotism, and not within the narrow scope +of trade interests.” + +“Quite unjust. Our best economists reprehend the policy of depleting our +labor-market. Emigration is a timely remedy for adversity and to be very +sparingly used. Labor is our richest vein--” + +“We may have too much of it. Take it as a fact that you now have more +than you can use, and the unemployed part is starving; what will you do +with them?” + +“That is a mere temporary and casual depression, to which all classes +are liable.” + +“But,” said Sir Charles, “which none can so ill bear. Nay--what if it is +permanent? You look to increased trade. Do you suppose we are to retain +our manufacturing pre-eminence when every country, new and old, is +competing with us? Can our trade, I ask you honestly to consider, +increase at the rate of our population? Besides, for heaven's sake, look +at the thing as a man. Grant that we have a hundred thousand men out of +work, and hundreds of thousands more dependent on them--do you think +it no small thing that the vast mass should be left for one, two, three +years seething in sorrow and distress, while they are waiting for trade! +By the time that comes they may have gone beyond the hope of rescue. +Ah! if an elastic trade comes back to-morrow, you can never make those +people what they were; ought we not to have forecast that they should +not be what they are? But I contend that depression has become chronic, +the poverty more wide-spread and persistent--how then shall we, who +represent these classes among the rest, face the prospect?” + +Here interposed a gentleman high in office, a pure, keen, rigid +economist of the highest intellectual and political rank. + +“My dear Sterling, pardon me if I say you are talking wildly. Perhaps +you don't see that you are verging on rank communism. The working of +economic laws can be as infallibly projected as a solar eclipse. You can +secure no class from periodic calamity, and so regulate laws of supply +and demand by guiding-wheels of legislation and taxation as to save +every man from penury. You wish us to send away our bone and sinew +because we have no present employment for it, and next year, or the +year after, under a recovered trade you will be wringing your hands and +cursing the folly that prompted you to do it.” + +“I should be too glad of the opportunity,” replied Sir Charles, +sturdily, “but in truth there is an incubus of excessive numbers that +no revival of trade will provide for, even if it is beyond our extremest +hopes, and I for one will not be guilty of the inhumanity of keeping +fellow-creatures in misery till we can find a use for them. You have +forgotten that there are other economic laws besides those you glance +at. Several millions of acres of unoccupied land belonging in a sense +to the people of this country are to be kept untilled in defiance of the +plainest policy that nature and God have indicated to us, namely, that +labor should come in contact with land! For want of this conjunction our +colonies are to be checked, while at home miserable millions are gaping +for work and food.” + +“Oh! let them take themselves out. There are too many going already. +They will follow natural laws, and where labor is required thither the +stream will flow.” + +“Mere surface talk, my clever friend,” replied the other, “the men who +are trooping out at their own expense are our most sober, careful, and +energetic workmen. Else they could not go. They go because here so many +indifferent ones are weighing down their shoulders. And where do most of +them go to? Not to strengthen and develop our colonies, but the United +States--a not always friendly people, and just now your free-trader's +bugbear!” + +“Well, well,” said the minister, “drop that question. It's utterly +impracticable at this time. We couldn't entertain the demand for +State-help for an instant. I tell you again you're a Fourierite. You +virtually propose to put your hand in the pocket of the upper classes to +pay all sorts of expenses for the lower.” + +“You may call me a communist if you please,” replied Sir Charles +Sterling; “I do not shrink from shadows. Perhaps I am in favor of +something nearer to communism than our present form of society. One +thing I am clear about: no state of society is healthy wherein every +man does not own himself to be the guardian of the interests of the +community as well as his own--does not see that he is bound, morally +and as a matter of public policy, to add to his neighbor's well-being +as well as his own. Does not society, by its protection and aggregation, +make it possible for the rich to grow rich, the genius and the ambitious +man to pursue their aims, the merchant to gather his vails, the noble to +enjoy his lands? For these privileges there is more or less to pay, and +it may be that the proper proportion which the capable classes should +be called upon to contribute to the common weal has never been correctly +adjusted. The first fruit of practical Christianity was community of +goods, and but for human selfishness we might hope for an Eutopian +era--when, while it should be ruled that if a man would not work neither +should he eat, there should also be brought home to every man the care +of his poorer, or weaker, or less competent brother. I never expect +to see that. I do hope to see the men of greatest ability pay more +generously for the privileges they enjoy. The best policy for them +too. The better the condition of the general community the better for +themselves. You cannot alarm me with epithets. But these views are +happily not essential to the support of the Emigration policy.” + +“O dear! O dear! mad as a March hare!” cried the minister, as he stumped +from the room. + +“Sterling is a good fellow,” said he to a colleague with whom he walked +down Pall Mall, “and a thorough-paced Liberal. Besides, he carries great +weight in the House. But he is an enthusiast, and, therefore, not always +quite practical.” + +By PRACTICAL the minister meant, not that which might well and to +advantage be done if good and able men would resolve to do it, spite of +all hindrances, but that which, upon a cunning review of party balances +and a judicious probing of public opinion, seemed to be a policy fit +for his party to pursue. The first, original and masterly statesmen are +needed to initiate and perform--the other is simply the art of a genius +who knows how most adroitly to manipulate people and circumstances. + + + + +IV.--Very Broad Views. + +Sir Charles Sterling, Mr. Joshua Hale, and others continued the +conversation interrupted by the minister's exit. What was to be done +with Ginx's Baby? In the great dissected map of society what niches were +cut out for him and all like him to fill? Most of the politicians were +for leaving that to himself to find out. The term “law of supply and +demand” was freely bandied between them, as it is in many journals +nowadays, with little object save to shut up avenues of discussion by a +high-sounding phrase. + +Then of these “statesmen,” most clung, if not to self-interest, to +personal crotchets. What is more darling to a man than the child of his +intellect or fancy? How the poor poetaster hugs his tawdry verses as if +they were the imperial ornaments of genius! Just in the same way does +the politician love the policies himself hath devised, pressing them +forward at all hazards, while he is blind to the utility of others. +This is the basis of that aspect of selfishness which often mars in the +approbation of a country a really honest statesmanship--an egotistic +tenacity of one's own creature as the best, which yet is not the +criminal selfishness of ambition. Still that egotism is not seldom +disastrous to the people's interests. While these statesmen nursed their +own bantlings and held them up to national notice, they were apt to +avoid or too lightly regard the views of men as able as themselves. For +instance, Joshua Hale--who is far above these remarks generally--had +put forth a scheme for the solution of the St. Helena property +question--very likely a good one, albeit revolutionary, and nothing +would convince him that any other could succeed. He wished every man +in St. Helena--a turbulent adjunct of the British Empire--to be a +landowner, and I do think, neither desired nor hoped that any man in +that island should be happy until he was one. Yet there were other men +ready to offer simpler remedies, and to prove that if every man in St. +Helena became a landowner it would become a very hell upon earth, +and more unmanageable than it was before. If these gentlemen do not +sacrifice their pet fancies for the sake of a settlement, what will +become of St. Helena? + +Just now they were discussing Ginx's Baby. One thought that repeal of +the Poor-Laws and a new system of relief would reach his case; another +saw the root of the Baby's sorrow in Trades' Unions; a third propounded +cooperative manufactures; a fourth suggested that a vast source of +income lay untouched in the seas about the kingdom, which swarmed with +porpoises, and showed how certain parts of these animals were available +for food, others for leather, others for a delicious oil that would be +sweeter and more pleasant than butter; a fifth desired a law to repress +the tendency of Scotch peers to evict tenants and convert arable lands +into sheep-walks and deer-forests; a sixth maintained that there were +waste lands in the kingdom of capacity to support hungry millions. In +fact earth, heaven, and seas were to be regenerated by Act of Parliament +for the benefit of Ginx's Baby and the people of England. Sir Charles +listened impatiently, and at last burst forth again. + +He said: “When you consider it, what we are all trying to do nowadays +is--vulgarly--to improve the breed; but we go to work in a round-about +way. At the outset we are met by the depreciated state of part of the +existing generation; and one problem is to prevent these depreciated +people from increasing, or to get them to increase healthily. No one +seems to have gone directly to such a problem as that. The difficulties +to be faced are tremendous. Your dirtiest British youngster is hedged +round with principles of an inviolable liberty and rights of Habeas +Corpus. You let his father and mother, or any one who will save you the +trouble of looking after him, mould him in his years of tenderness as +they please. If they happen to leave him a walking invalid, you take him +into the poorhouse; if they bring him up a thief, you whip him and +keep him at high cost at Millbank or Dartmoor; if his passions, never +controlled, break out into murder and rape, you may hang him, unless his +crime has been so atrocious as to attract the benevolent interest of +the Home Secretary; if he commit suicide, you hold a coroner's inquest, +which also costs money; and however he dies you give him a deal coffin +and bury him. Yet I may prove to you that this being, whom you treat +like a dog at a fair, never had a day's--no, nor an hour's--contact +with goodness, purity, truth, or even human kindness; never had an +opportunity of learning anything better. What right have you then to +hunt him like a wild beast, and kick him and whip him, and fetter him +and hang him by expensive complicated machinery, when you have done +nothing to teach him any of the duties of a citizen?” + +“Stop, stop, Sir Charles! you are too virulent. There are endless means +of improving your lad--charities without number----” + +“Yes, that will never reach him.” + +“Never mind, they may, you know. Industrial schools, reformatories, +asylums, hospitals, Peabody-buildings, poor-laws. Everybody is working +to improve the condition of the poor man. Sanitary administration goes +to his house and makes it habitable.” + +“Very,” interjected Sir Charles Sterling, dryly. + +“Factory laws protect and educate factory children----” + +“They don't educate in one case out of ten. They don't feed them, clothe +them, give them amusement and cultivation, do they?” + +“Certainly not--that would be ridiculous.” + +“Why, the question is whether that would be ridiculous!” replied Sir +Charles. “I do not say it can be done, but in order to transform the +next generation, what we should aim at is to provide substitutes for +bad homes, evil training, unhealthy air, food and dulness, and terrible +ignorance, in happier scenes, better teaching, proper conditions of +physical life, sane amusements, and a higher cultivation. I dare say you +would think me a lunatic if I proposed that Government should establish +music-halls and gymnasia all over the country; but you, Mr. Fissure, +voted for the Baths and Washhouses.” + +“Who's to pay for all this?” asked Mr. Fissure, pertinently. + +“The State, which means society, the whole of which is directly +interested. I tell you a million of children are crying to us to set +them free from the despotism of a crime and ignorance protected by law.” + +“That is striking; but you are treading on delicate ground. The liberty +of the subject----” + +“Exactly what I expected you to say. These words can be used in defence +of almost any injustice and tyranny. Such terms as 'political economy,' +'communism,' 'socialism,' are bandied about in the same way. Yet +propositions coming fairly within these terms are often mentioned with +approval by the very persons who cast them at you. In a report of a +recent Royal Commission I find that one of the Commissioners is quite +as revolutionary as I am. He says it is right by law to secure that no +child shall be cruelly treated or mentally neglected, over-worked or +under-educated. Some people would call that communism, I fancy. But +I think him to be correct as a political economist in that broad +proposition. Why? Because a child's relation to the State is wider, more +permanent, and more important than his relation to his parents. If he +is in danger of being depreciated and damned for good citizenship, the +State must rescue him.” + +“A paternal and maternal government together!” cries Lord Namby--“a +government of nurses. You know I should like to stop the production of +children among the lower orders. Your propositions are far in advance +of my radicalism. The State must sometimes interfere between parent and +child; for instance, in education or protection from cruelty. But, if +I understand you, you actually contemplate a general refining and +elevation of the working class by legislative means.” + +“Assuredly: I should aim to cultivate their morals, refine their tastes, +manners, habits. I wish to lift from them that ever-depressing sense of +hopelessness which keeps them in the dust.” + +“So do most men; but you must do that by personal and private +influences, not by State enactments. How would you do it?” + +“How? I think I could draw up a programme. For instance: Expatriate a +million to reduce the competition that keeps poor devils on half-rations +or sends them to the poorhouse; Take all the sick, maimed, old, and +incapable poor into workhouses managed by humane men and not by ghouls; +Forbid such people to marry and propagate weakness; Legislate for +compulsory improvements of workmen's dwellings, and, if needful, lend +the money to execute it; Extend and enforce the health laws; Open free +libraries and places of rational amusement with an imperial bounty +through the country; Instead of spending thousands on dilettanti +sycophants at one end of the metropolis, distribute your art and +amusement to the kingdom at large; The rich have their museums, +libraries, and clubs, provide them for the poor; Establish temporary +homes for lying-in women; Multiply your baths and washhouses till there +is no excuse for a dirty person; Educate; Provide day schools for every +proper child, and industrial or reformatory schools for every improper +one; Open advanced High Schools for the best pupils, and found +Scholarships to the Universities; Erect other schools for technical +training; Offer to teach trades and agriculture to all comers for +nothing--you would soon neutralize your bugbear of trades-unionism; +Teach morals, teach science, teach art, teach them to amuse themselves +like men and not like brutes. In a land so wealthy the programme is not +impracticable, though severe. As the end to be attained is the welfare +of future generations, no good reason could be urged why they should not +contribute towards the cost of it--a better debt to leave to posterity +than the incubus of an irrational war.” + +Will any sane political practitioner wonder to be told that at the end +of this harangue the smoking-room party broke up, and that some, as they +laughed good-humoredly over Sterling's egregia, recalled the number of +glasses of inspirited seltzer swallowed by the orator? He was so far +in advance of the most radical reformer that there was no hope of +overtaking him for an era or two: so they determined to fancy they had +left him behind. + + + + +V.--Party Tactics--and Political Obstructions to Social Reform. + +In the Club our hero revelled awhile under the protection of Sir Charles +Sterling, and the petting of peers, Members of Parliament, and loungers +who swarm therein. Certain gentlemen of Stock Exchange mannerism and +dressiness gave the protege the go-by, and even sneered at those who +noticed him with kindness. But then these are of the men with whom every +question is checked by money, and is balanced on the pivot of profit and +loss. I dare say some of them thought the worse of Judas only because +he had made so small a gain out of his celebrated transaction. To foster +Ginx's Baby in the Club, as a recognition of the important questions +surrounding him, though these questions involved hundreds of thousands +of other cases, was to them ridiculous. Of far greater consequence was +it in their eyes to settle a dispute between two extravagant fools +at Constantinople and Cairo, and quicken the sluggishness of Turkish +consols or Egyptian 9 per cents. I do not cast stones at them; every man +must look at a thing with his own eyes. + +But it was curious to note how the Baby's fortunes shifted in the Club. +There were times--when he was a pet chucked under chin by the elder +stagers, favored with a smile from a Cabinet Minister, and now and then +blessed with a nod from Mr. Joshua Hale. Then, again, every one seemed +to forget him, and he was for months left unnoticed to the chance +kindness of the menials until some case similar to his own happening to +evoke discussion in the press, there would be a general inquiry for +him. The porter, Mr. Smirke, had succeeded, by means of a detective, +in discovering the boy's name, but his parents were then half-way to +Canada. + +The members of the Fogey Club opposite, hearing that so interesting a +foundling was being cherished by their opponents, politely asked leave +to examine him, and he occasionally visited them. They treated him +kindly and discussed his condition with earnestness. The leaders of the +party debated whether he might not with advantage be taken out of their +opponents' hands. Some thought that a judicious use of him might win +popularity; but others objected that it would be perilous for them to +mix themselves up with so doleful an interest. In the result the Fogies +tipped young Ginx, but did not commit themselves for or against him. +Thus a long time elapsed, and our hero had grown old enough to be a +page. He had received food, clothing, and goodwill, but no one had +thought of giving him an education. Sometimes he became obstreperous. He +played tricks with the Club cutlery, and diverted its silver to improper +uses; he laid traps for upsetting aged and infirm legislators; he tried +the coolness of the youngest and best-natured Members of Parliament +by popping up in strange places and exhibiting unseemly attitudes. At +length, by unanimous consent, he was decreed to be a nuisance, and a few +days would have revoked his license at the Club. + +No sooner did the Fogies get wind of this than they manoeuvred to get +Ginx's Baby under their own management. They instructed their “organs,” + as they called them, to pipe to popular feeling on the disgraceful +apathy of the Radicals in regard to the foundling. They had him waylaid +and treated to confectionery by their emissaries; and once or twice +succeeded in abducting him and sending him down to the country with +their party's candidates, for exhibition at elections. + +The Radicals resented this conduct extremely. Ginx's Baby was brought +back to the Club and restored to favor. The Government papers were +instructed to detail how much he was petted and talked about by the +party; to declare how needless was the popular excitement on his behalf; +and to prove that he must, without any special legislation, be benefited +by the extraordinary organic changes then being made in the constitution +of the country. + +Sir Charles Sterling resumed his interest in the boy. He had been +gallantly aiding his party in other questions. There was the Timbuctoo +question. A miserable desert chief had shut up a wandering Englishman, +not possessed of wit enough to keep his head out of danger. There was +a general impression that English honor was at stake, and the previous +Fogey Government had ordered an expedition to cross the desert and +punish the sheikh. You would never believe what it cost if you had +not seen the bill. Ten millions sterling was as good as buried in the +desert, when one-tenth of it would have saved a hundred thousand people +from starvation at home, and one-hundredth part of it would have taken +the fetters off the hapless prisoner's feet. + +There was the St. Helena question always brooding over Parliament. +St. Helena was a constituent part of the British Empire. Every patriot +agreed that the Empire without it would be incomplete; and was so far +right that its subtraction would have left the Empire by so much less. +Most of its inhabitants were aboriginal--a mercurial race, full of fire, +quick-witted, and gifted with the exuberant eloquence of savages, but +deficient in dignity and self-control. Before any one else had been +given them by Providence to fight, they slaughtered and ravaged one +another. Our intrusive British ancestors stepped upon the island, and, +being strong men, mowed down the islanders like wheat, and appropriated +the lands their swords had cleared. Still the aborigines held out +in corners, and defied the conquerors. The latter ground them down, +confiscated the property of their half-dozen chiefs, and distributed it +among themselves. By way of showing their imperial imperiousness, they +built over some ruins left by their devastations a great church, in +which they ordered all the islanders to worship. This was at first +abomination to the islanders, who fought like devils whenever they +could, and ended by accepting the religion of their foes. But the +conquerors, afterwards choosing to change their own faith, resolved +that the islanders should do so too. Forthwith they confiscated the big +church and burying-ground, and, distributing part of the land and spoils +among their most prominent scamps, erected a new edifice of quite a +different character, in which the natives swore they could neither see +nor hear, and their own clerics warned them they would certainly be +damned. To make the complications more intricate, these clerics owed +allegiance to an ancient woman in a distant country, who had all the +meddlesomeness and petty jealousy of her sex, and was, besides, much +attached to some clever wooers of hers, wily sinners who covered their +aims under the semblance of ultra-extreme passion for her. The prominent +scamps died, to be succeeded by their children, or other of the hated +conquerors, from generation to generation. The islanders went on +increasing and protesting. T hey starved upon the lands, and shot the +landlords when a few gave them the chance, for most lived away in their +own country, and left the property to be administered by agents. The +Home Government had again and again been obliged to assist these people +with soldiers, to provide an armed police, to shoot down mobs, to catch +a ringleader here or there and send him to Fernando Po, or to deprive +whole villages of ordinary civil rights. Then the yam crop failed, and +nearly half the people left the island and crossed the seas, where they +continued to hate and to plot against those whose misfortune it had been +to get a legacy of the island from their fathers. It would be wearisome +to recount the absurdities on both sides: the stupidity or criminal +absence of tact from time to time shown by the Home Government--the +resolve never to be quiet exhibited by the natives, under the prompting +of their clerics. Upon + + “--that common stage of novelty--” + +there were ever springing up fresh difficulties. Secret clubs were +formed for murder and reprisal. A body called the “Yellows” had bound +themselves by private oaths to keep up the memory of the religious +victories of their predecessors, and to worry the clerical party in +every possible way. Their pleasure was to go about insanely blowing +rams'-horns, carrying flags and bearing oranges in their hands. The +islanders hated oranges, and at every opportunity cracked the skulls of +the orange-bearers with brutal weapons peculiar to the island. These, +in return, cracked native skulls. The whole island was in a state of +perpetual commotion. Still, its general condition improved, its +farms grew prosperous, and a joint-stock company had built a mill +for converting cocoanut fibre into horse-cloths, which yielded large +profits. The memory of past events might well have been buried; but the +clerics, in the interest of the old woman, fanned the embers, and the +infamous bidding for popularity of parties at home served to keep alive +passions that would naturally have died out. Besides, latterly folly had +been too organized on both sides to suffer oblivion. Everybody was tired +of the squabbles of St. Helena. At length there was a general movement +in the interests of peace, and to pacify the islanders Parliament was +asked to pull down the wings of the old church edifice, remove some of +the graves, and cut off a large piece of the graveyard. Some were +in favor also of dividing all the farms in the country among the +aborigines, but the difficulty was to know how at the same time to +satisfy the present occupiers. These schemes were topics of high debate, +upon them the fortunes of Government rose and fell, and while they were +agitated Ginx's Baby could have no chance of a parliamentary hearing. +Many other matters of singular indifference had eaten up the legislative +time; but at last the increasing number of wretched infants throughout +the country began to alarm the people, and Sir Charles Sterling thought +the time had come to move on behalf of Ginx's Baby and his fellows. + + + + +VI.--Amateur Debating in a High Legislative Body. + +While Sir Charles was trying to get the Government to “give him a night” + to debate the Ginx's Baby case, and while associations were being formed +in the metropolis for disposing of him by expatriation or otherwise, a +busy peer without notice to anybody, suddenly brought the subject before +the House of Lords. As he had never seen the Baby, and knew nothing or +very little about him, I need scarcely report the elaborate speech in +which he asked for aristocratic sympathy on his behalf. He proposed to +send him to the Antipodes at the expense of the nation. + +The Minister for the Accidental Accompaniments of the Empire was a +clever man--keen, genial, subtle, two-edged, a gentlemanly and not +thorough disciple of Machiavel; able to lead parliamentary forlorn +hopes and plant flags on breaches, or to cover retreats with brilliant +skirmishing; deft, but never deep; much moved too by the opinions of his +permanent staff. These on the night in question had plied him well +with hackneyed objections; but to see him get up and relieve himself of +them--the air of originality, the really original air he threw around +them; the absurd light which he turned full on the weaknesses of his +noble friend's propositions, was as beautiful to an indifferent critic +as it as saddening to the man who had at heart the sorrows of his kind. +If that minister lived long he would be forced to adopt and advocate +in as pretty a manner the policy he was dissecting. Lord Munnibagge, a +great authority in economic matters, said that a weaker case had never +been presented to Parliament. To send away Ginx's Baby to a colony +at imperial expense was at once to rob the pockets of the rich and to +decrease our labor-power. There was no necessity for it. Ginx's Baby +could not starve in a country like this. He (Lord Munnibagge) had +never heard of a case of a baby starving. There was no such wide-spread +distress as was represented by the noble lord. There were occasional +periods of stagnation in trade, and no doubt in these periods the poorer +classes would suffer; but trade was elastic; and even if it were granted +that the present was a period when employment had failed, the time was +not far off when trade would recuperate. (Cheers.) Ginx's Baby and all +other babies would not then wish to go away. People were always making +exaggerated statements about the condition of the poor. He (Lord +Munnibagge) did not credit them. He believed the country, though +temporarily depressed by financial collapses, to be in a most healthy +state. (Hear, hear.) It was absurd to say otherwise, when it was shown +by the Board of Trade returns that we were growing richer every day. +(Cheers.) Of course Ginx's Baby must be growing richer with the rest. +Was not that a complete answer to the noble lord's plaintive outcries? +(Cheers and laughter.) That the population of a country was a great +fraction of its wealth was an elementary principle of political economy. +He thought, from the high rates of wages, that there were not too +many but too few laborers in the country. He should oppose the motion. +(Cheers.) + +Two or three noble lords repeated similar platitudes, guarding +themselves as carefully from any reference to facts, or to the question +whether high rates of wages might not be the concomitants simply of high +prices of necessaries, or to the yet wider question whether colonial +development might not have something to do with progress at home. The +noble lord who had rushed unprepared into the arena was unequal to the +forces marshalled against him, and withdrew his motion. Thus the great +debate collapsed. The Lords were relieved that an awkward question had +so easily been shifted. The newspapers on the ministerial side declared +that this debate had proved the futility of the Ginx's Baby Expatriation +question. “So able an authority as Lord Munnibagge had established that +there was no necessity for the interference of Government in the case +of Ginx's Baby or any other babies or persons. The lucid and decisive +statement of the Secretary for the Accidental Accompaniments of the +Empire had shown how impossible it was for the Imperial Government to +take part in a great scheme of Expatriation; how impolitic to endeavor +to affect the ordinary laws of free movement to the Colonies.” Surely +after this the Expatriation people hid their lights under a bushel! The +Government refused to find a night for Sir Charles Sterling, and after +the Lords' debate he did not see his way to force a motion in the Lower +House. Meanwhile Ginx's Baby once more decided a turn in his own +fate. Tired of the slow life of the Club, and shivering amid the chill +indifference of his patrons, he borrowed without leave some clothes +from an inmate's room, with a few silver forks and spoons, and decamped. +Whether the baronet and the Club were bashful of public ridicule or glad +to be rid of the charge, I know not, but no attempt was made to recover +him. + + + + +PART V. WHAT GINX'S BABY DID WITH HIMSELF. + + A full-formed Horse will, in any market, bring from twenty + to as high as two hundred Friedrichs d'or: such is his worth + to the world. A full-formed Man is not only worth nothing + to the world, but the world could afford him a round sum + would he simply engage to go and hang himself.--SARTOR + RESARTUS. + + + + +The Last Chapter. + +Our hero was nearly fifteen years old when he left the Club to plunge +into the world. He was not long in converting his spoils into money, and +a very short time in spending it. Then he had to pit his wits against +starvation, and some of his throws were desperate. Wherever he went +the world seemed terribly full. If he answered an advertisement for an +errand-boy, there were a score kicking their heels at the rendezvous +before him. Did he try to learn a useful trade, thousands of adepts +were not only ready to underbid him, but to knock him on the head for an +interloper. Even the thieves, to whom he gravitated, were jealous of +his accession, because there were too many competitors already in +their department. Through his career of penury, of honest and dishonest +callings, of 'scapes and captures, imprisonments and other punishments, +a year's reading of Metropolitan Police Reports would furnish the exact +counterpart. + +***** + +I don't know how many years after his flight from Pall Mall, one dim +midnight, I, returning from Richmond, lounged over Vauxhall Bridge, +listening to the low lapping of the current beneath the arches--looking +above to the stars and along the dark polished surface that reflected a +thousand lights in its undulations,--feeling the awfulness of the dense, +suppressed life that was wrapt within the gloom and calm of the hour. I +suddenly saw a shadow, a human shadow, that at the sound of my footstep +quickly crossed my dreamy vision--quickly, noiselessly came and +went before my eyes until it stood up high and outlined against the +strangely-mingled haze. It looked like the ghost of a slight-formed man, +hatless and coatless, and for a moment I saw at its upper extremity the +dull flash as of a human face in the gloom, before the shadow leaped out +far into the night. Splash! When my startled eyes looked down upon the +glancing, waving ebony, I thought I could trace a white coruscation of +foam spreading out into the darkness, instantly to dissipate and be lost +for ever. I did not then know what form it was that swilled down below +the glistening current. Had I known that it was Ginx's Baby I should +perhaps have thought “Society, which, in the sacred names of Law and +Charity, forbad the father to throw his child over Vauxhall Bridge, at a +time when he was alike unconscious of life and death, has at last itself +driven him over the parapet into the greedy waters”---- + +Philosophers, Philanthropists, Politicians, Papists and Protestants, +Poor-Law Ministers and Parish Officers--while you have been theorizing +and discussing, debating, wrangling, legislating and administering--Good +God! gentlemen, between you all, where has Ginx's Baby gone to? + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Ginx's Baby, by Edward Jenkins + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GINX'S BABY *** + +***** This file should be named 581-0.txt or 581-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/8/581/ + +Produced by Charles Keller + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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